Chapter Text
First week
[Monday AM]
(09:37) Samu my fever is killing me
(09:38) Samu please I'm begging you, bring me some food
(09:39) Mom is making ramen. But I don't want mum’s ramen.
(09:45) Don't ignore me
(09:57) Don't you dare
(09:58) Yo, big brother is watching you
(10:06) Asshole
(10:17) Samu I swear if I die I’ll reincarnate into an evil spirit and haunt you for the rest of your miserable existence
(10:18) You won't have a single customer at your future restaurant
(10:20) I NEED TO EAT ONIGIRI
(10:25) I wanna die
(10:28) Samu please come back home I miss you
(11:47) Oh, uhm, hello! I think you got the wrong number!
(11:52) ???
(11:53) Samu, if this is a joke, it's not even remotely funny
(11:53) I'm the king of jokes, you're the king of trash. You're disrespecting the traditional roles of our family
(11:54) I'll burn all your fucking cookbooks
(11:57) Please, don't. It's not very nice.
(11:57) And yes, as I said, I'm not ''Samu'', nor do I know anyone with that name.
(12:00) I can't believe this
(12:00) He really is a cosmic piece of shit
(12:02) So, uh, sorry about that. Yesterday I bought a new phone, and apparently that dickhead gave me the wrong number on purpose
(12:05) dw, I figured. I hope you’ll get better soon!
[Monday PM]
(3:56) I took the medicine. My fever has come down almost completely.
(4:02) Hi, wrong number again!
(4:05) Yeah, I know, I just wanted to keep you updated bc I'm goddamn bored
(4:07) Texting a stranger is a really weird way to fight boredom
(4:07) And it’s definitely not the smartest
(4:08) I mean, I could kidnap children as a job
(4:10) Fortunately, I’m not a child
(4:12) I could be a serial killer
(4:13) Are you? Cause I have a thing for serial killers
(4:14) I think I have to disappoint you. My real life is much less exciting.
(4:14) That's what any serial killer would say.
(4:15) Haha. You’re funny!
(4:16) Well, DUH. My sense of humor is the best thing that ever happened to you, babe
(4:16) You just called babe a 16-year-old boy.
(4:17) Yeah, I also called babe the eighty-seven-year-old lady who sells my father eggs. She’s adorable. And very rich. And she always compliments my hair. I would’ve fallen in love with her if she wasn't so much older than me.
(4:19) How old are you?
(4:20) Why should I tell you?
(4:20) Because I did!
(4:21) True, but I didn't ask you to.
(4:22) I'm starting to believe that the real serial killer might be you.
(4:24) I’m too handsome to be a serial killer. I could never work undercover. People notice me too easily. I catalyze their gazes with my immense beauty.
(4:25) The only thing that seems immense to me is your ego.
(4:25) That, too.
(4:25) I'm seventeen, by the way. And I'm a boy. And after this weird introduction, I'm about to go to sleep, because my fever may be gone, but my head is splitting in two
(4:27) Get some rest!
[Tuesday PM]
(7:12) You know, I was thinking
(7:14) About me? Yeah, I know. You can't stop, can you? Nobody could. You're obsessed now, admit it. Everyone is.
(7:15) Do you know what they say about self-centered people? That they’re actually very insecure.
(7:15) And you call this self-centered? You haven't seen anything yet, babe <3
(7:16) Oh god. I’m scared now.
(7:16) But honestly, I was thinking about who gave you the wrong number. I mean, who is Samu?
(7:18) Samu is my brother. He’s terrifically good at cooking, but he is a piece of shit.
(7:18) He left to take a cooking class in Osaka, you know.
(7:18) He brutally abandoned me. HE BETRAYED ME.
(7:19) He returns on Saturday. In exactly four days, seventeen hours, and twenty-seven minutes. I cannot be accurate with seconds.
(7:22) You miss him that much? How cute
(7:23) What? No. Absolutely not. You're making a mistake. You’ve never been so wrong in your whole life. I don't miss him at all. I am perfectly fine without him. I’m so grateful he’s gone. I found inner peace.
(7:23) I am very cute, though.
(7:24) But why did he give you the wrong number if he’s your brother?
(7:24) I mean, I kind of get him, but still…
(7:26) Because his sense of humor is awful. Just as yours.
(7:26) He says he wants to get rid of me, but he’s a pathological liar.
(7:27) One day I told him I didn't love him and that I wished he had never been born. He ended up crying for two months.
(7:30) Oh god, you're the worst. I’d never say such a thing to my sister
(7:32) You have a sister?
(7:33) Yeah! She’s younger than me, but we’re very similar.
(7:36) ‘Samu and I are the same age. We’re twins, you know.
(7:40) Twins? That’s so cool!
(7:40) Is it true that you can read each other's minds?
(7:45) Yeah, for example right now he’s thinking that
(7:45) Wait
(7:45) He’s insulting me!!!
(7:46) How dare he! That fucking bastard!
(7:49) Why is he insulting you?
(7:53) Idk. I'll ask him.
(7:55) Please, be gentle.
(7:55) Of course.
(7:56) Samu you motherfucker
(7:59) Oh Christ
(7:59) Please, no
(8:00) How on earth did you find my number
(8:01) Suna gave it to me
(8:02) That fucking traitor. We had a deal
(8:03) Why were you insulting me?
(8:05) I’m making okonomiyaki. Insulting you calms me down and brings me luck.
(8:06) Did you text me just for this? You know I constantly insult you.
(8:08) I also wanted to thank you
(8:12) I’m not following.
(8:13) Apparently, the wrong number you gave me belongs to someone who…
(8:13) *drum rolls*
(8:14) appreciates my company!
(8:14) So your plan failed, and I succeeded. As always. HAHA!!!
(8:14) Goodbye, little brother. Have fun in Osaka.
(8:20) Wait, what
(8:20) Please tell me that I misunderstood
(8:21) Tell me you didn’t start texting a stranger
(8:21) Tell me you're not THAT stupid, I’m begging you
(8:22) You know, this would actually be an excellent time to tell me that I was adopted and that we don't share the same DNA.
(8:25) Unfortunately, we do.
(8:26) Tsumu
(8:26) Samu
(8:27) I'm gonna tell mum
(8:27) YOU WOULD NEVER.
(8:28) And relax, I didn't give him any personal information. He doesn't even know my name.
(8:30) But you want to tell him! I CAN FEEL IT! I can read your stupid mind too!
(8:30) You need real friends, Tsumu.
(8:31) And a good therapist.
(8:45) Die.
[Wednesday AM]
(9:11) Hey
(9:12) I just thought of a joke. But I'm sure no one could fully understand the genius behind it. Maybe just you.
(9:20) I'm incredibly honored. And scared, at this point.
(9:21) Drum roll, please.
(9:22) *Drum rolls*
(9:23) LOUDER. GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT.
(9:23) I AM ROLLING WITH ALL MY MIGHT
(9:24) Okay, this is getting weird. Give me silence now. So my voice will echo on the stage.
(9:24) *crickets chirping*
(9:25) I asked for silence, not desolation
(9:25) JUST GO
(9:26) Okay, so
(9:26) Why is Peter Pan always flying?
(9:28) I don't know, why?
(9:28) BECAUSE
(9:28) HE NEVERLANDS.
(9:37) Isn't that the most brilliant joke you've ever heard?
(9:45) You don't know what to say bc my talent has left you speechless, right?
(10:02) Please, I need compliments and reassurance
(11:47) Maybe you were right about narcissistic people
(12:55) Was it really that horrible?
[Wednesday PM]
(13:43) I’ve discovered that, without any distractions, I’m almost able to understand second-degree equations
(13:44) I just got my phone back.
(13:46) Long story short, I read your joke, burst out laughing in class, everyone heard me and my teacher confiscated it.
(13:46) And I got detention.
(14:03) I forgot you were at school
(14:06) Well yeah, I'm 16 years old, what am I supposed to do in the morning?
(14:07) Idk. Killing people? Rescuing kittens from the street? Training to become a power ranger? Young people nowadays are crazy
(14:10) You're also in high school, right? I’m starting to doubt it.
(14:11) Yep, I'm in my second year. I've been home because of my fever. I'm going back to class tomorrow. My school will shine again blessed by my presence.
(14:12) So… you liked my joke? I mean, since you burst out laughing and all
(14:14) Oh yeah, it was brilliant!
(14:15) Don't you dare.
(14:16) What the hell do you want? What have I done?
(14:17) I read your mind. You're disgustingly happy and you want to tell him what your name is and where you live
(14:17) Why don't you just invite him over for dinner while you're at it?
(14:18) Now THAT’S a good suggestion! I can't believe your brain works sometimes.
(14:20) Samu, he said he liked my joke. He said I am brilliant!
(14:21) One more reason to keep him away, Tsumu. Wake up. No one finds your jokes really amusing. You're as funny as a finger in the ass.
(14:22) If Akaashi Keiji's finger was in your ass, I think you’d find it quite exciting.
(14:23) Oh god. You didn't say that. You didn't.
(14:23) And yet.
(14:24) Listen. It's evident that he's trying to trick you. Maybe he wants money. Perhaps he's trying to gather enough information bc he wants to blackmail you.
(14:30) Christ. You're always so positive. Light of my life. Maybe it’s better if we go back to Akaashi Keiji. He’s such a nice guy, isn’t he?
(14:30) DiE leave me ALONE
[Thursday AM]
(10:12) This morning I told your joke to the team captain. He laughed, but I couldn't tell if he did it just out of pity.
(10:15) Team captain? Are you in some sports club?
(10:16) Yeah, didn't I tell you? I'm in the volleyball club!
(10:16) THAT’S CRAZY
(10:16) I’m in the volleyball club too!
(10:18) WHAT?
(10:20) I can't believe it. Maybe we're in the same school and don't know it.
(10:21) My school's name starts with the letter K!
(10:22) Too bad, mine starts with an I. Maybe we met at nationals!
(10:25) No. Our team never made it to nationals.
(10:25) Oh, then you guys suck.
(10:25) We manage to qualify every time. Mostly because of me.
(10:48) Did they confiscate your phone again?
(11:23) Did you find yourself a girlfriend?
(11:24) What the fuck, Suna.
(11:25) I saw you using the phone earlier. And you don't have any friends other than me.
(11:25) You are not my friend.
(11:26) Were you texting your mother?
(11:26) Maybe I was texting yours.
(11:26) *sexting
(11:27) You’re a little tense, aren’t you? Did you two have a fight?
(11:29) Who?
(11:29) You and your girlfriend.
(11:30) I don't have a girlfriend.
(11:31) You and your boyfriend.
(11:31) OH MY GOD SUNA SHUT UP, NOTHING HAPPENED!
(11: 33) Then why do you keep staring at your phone with the same expression as an abandoned dog? It’s obvious that you’re waiting for a message from someone.
(11:33) A message that, sadly, doesn't come.
(11:33) Have you just been dumped?
(11:39) How could anyone dump me? I mean, I’m handsome. And popular. And talented. I’m the future of our generation. One day I will save the world and kill god. I shine like the sun. And in fact I’m blinding you, I can see you squinting.
(11:40) Embrace the light, Suna! Let yourself be overwhelmed by my glow!
(11:42) You really need a therapist. But a fucking good one.
(11:43) No, I need your art history notes for the written test. Bc otherwise I’m doomed.
(11:43) What do you give me in return?
(11:44) I'll tell you who my brother likes.
(11:45) Akaashi Keiji. Please, everyone knows. I wanna know who you were texting before.
(11:47) FINE. There’s this guy I met because Samu gave me the wrong phone number.
(11:47) I mean, I never met him in person. We just text each other. I don't even know his name.
(11:48) He seems nice.
(11:48) He likes my jokes.
(11:49) He's trying to gather information to blackmail you. Nobody likes your jokes.
(11:55) It's too bad that Samu likes Akaashi. You two would've made a wonderful couple.
(11:56) See? Your sense of humor sucks.
(11:59) Shut up, Suna.
(11:59) Anyway
(12:00) I found out that he attends the volleyball club. And I told him that his team sucks.
(12:02) Why
(12:04) Bc he told me they never made it to nationals. So I thought: oh, they suck.
(12:04) It was natural and immediate. I didn't mean to offend him.
(12:05) This is exactly why you are a horrible person. Because being an asshole comes naturally to you.
(12:06) Whatever. People are still obsessed with me.
(12:08) People hate you, Atsumu.
(12:09) Last time I checked, you didn't have your own fan club.
(12:10) …
(12:10) point.
(12:11) What should I do now?
(12:12) Beg for his forgiveness. If he’s not trying to blackmail you, hold on to him. He’s probably the only human polite enough to pretend that your jokes are funny.
(12:15) He’s not pretending.
(12:17) Then I guess miracles really do happen sometimes.
[Thursday PM]
(7:23) Hey
(7:23) Sorry about this morning.
(7:24) I didn't mean what I said.
(7:24) I say stupid things sometimes.
(7:24) I mean, quite often. Although my brother says even stupider things with a higher frequency.
(7:25) I mean, he shoots them off
(7:25) Like farts
(7:25) Okay, that one was terrible.
(7:35) It’s okay.
(7:38) Really?
(7:44) Technically no, but the fart thing made me laugh way too much, so yeah. It’s okay. We’re cool.
(7:45) BUT our team doesn’t suck.
(7:45) We have potential, we're just a little inexperienced.
(7:46) And I'll prove it to you because we're definitely going to nationals this spring. And we will beat everyone.
(7:46) And you’ll eat your words back.
(7:54) A bit of a presumptuous statement, don't you think? I mean, we’re one of the best schools in Japan.
(7:55) Good. It will be even more fun!
(8:01) Samu
(8:05) I DON’T CARE
(8:05) I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
(8:05) LET ME COOK IN PEACE
(8:10) Oh, do I sense a little jealousy? Are you afraid that you will be left all alone with your recipe books full of dust?
(8:11) Maybe you should try texting Akaashi and make your move before he asks Bokuto to marry him.
(8:11) Why? Do you think Akaashi likes Bokuto?
(8:12) Oh god. You’re an absolute jackass. Go back to your kitchen.
(8:12) What do you mean?
(8:12) Tsumu?
(8:12) TSUMU!
(8:13) This seems a good time to remind you that you got a fever as soon as I left for Osaka. You can't live without me. You are miserable.
(8:15) You’re making this up! It was just a coincidence! A COINCIDENCE!
(8:18) There are no coincidences in this world
(8:18) Mark my words, young dragon warrior
(8:19) Now fuck off
[Friday AM]
(8:44) Hey
(8:45) Can you describe yourself?
(9:03) Wow, is this a sext attempt? Because it's nine o'clock in the morning, and I'm in school right now. Wanna try again tonight?
(9:05) Are you always like this?
(9:06) Most of the time, but only with people I really like. You laugh at my jokes, so you're the closest thing I've ever had to a friend.
(9:10) Oh my god. I feel bad for you.
(9:10) I mean, if a stranger you've been talking to for four days is the closest thing to a friend you've ever had...
(9:13) HEY! I'm a great champion. People must be envying you viscerally right now. You should feel honored and grateful for your position, cry with joy for sixteen hours a day, go to temples and thank the gods bc they gave you this incredible opportunity.
(9:14) I mean, you get to hear the very first preview of my jokes. What more do you want?
(9:22) A girlfriend
(9:22) A boyfriend
(9:23) whatever.
(9:28) How romantic.
(9:31) Lots of money, too.
(9:34) Less romantic, but still valid.
(9:44) I also want to become the world's strongest volleyball player, but that is definitely more realistic than getting a girlfriend
(9:44) Or a boyfriend
(9:44) Or whatever
(9:49) You must be very ugly, then.
(9:50) I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID
(9:50) I AM SORRY.
(9:58) You know, you have to do something about this extremely annoying honesty of yours.
(9:59) I mean, being sincere is wonderful, but you can't tell people /everything/ you think.
(9:59) It's obvious that no one will ever want to be your friend if you’re like this.
(10:00) I don’t need friends.
(10:01) …
(10:01) Anyway, I don't think I'm ugly
(10:02) Maybe a little bit
(10:02) I don't know
(10:13) Describe yourself
(10:15) Hey, I asked you first!
(10:18) Well, I’m gorgeous. I should probably keep it vague, though. I don't want to be the cause of your inferiority complexes
(10:19) I do not have inferiority complexes, I am just curious
(10:22) As it pleases you, your highness
(10:22) I am tall
(10:23) Light eyes, between green and yellow, can't quite tell, it depends on the light, dazzling smile
(10:23) Blond
(10:23) Very blond
(10:24) I want to go blonder and blonder but Samu told me to go easy on the bleaching. Otherwise, I'll lose all my hair.
(10:25) I AM STRONG
(10:26) My services are every high schooler's nightmare
(10:26) And soon they’ll become the nightmare of every professional player.
(10:27) I have cheekbones with which you can slice trees
(10:35) Ah, the modesty!
(10:44) Well maybe I'm not modest, but it's all true. What's the use of belittling yourself? You must be proud of the qualities you have. Honesty with yourself is the best thing.
(10:44) Now it's your turn.
(10:56) Well
(10:57) Wow, this is more embarrassing than I thought it would be.
(10:59) Oh, come on man. Start with the hair.
(11:02) The hair?
(11:02) I have red hair
(12:33) Osamu
(12:33) Where are you
(12:34) Atsumu did the magic
(12:35) I'm here, cooking butaman
(12:35) Please Rin, love of my life, enlighten my day
(12:36) Suna, don't you dare
(12:36) Basically Atsumu got detention for his lack of decency and respect cause his crush texted him that he had red hair
(12:36) I do NOT have a crush on him
(12:37) The teacher was explaining World War II, so there was this super tragic atmosphere, and in the midst of the silence, Atsumu stood up and yelled out:
(12:37) OH MY GOD. HE HAS RED HAIR?
(12:38) It was hilarious
(12:41) I'll regret not being in school forever
(12:42) Don't worry. I filmed everything
(12:44) EXCUSE ME, WHAT
(12:45) WHEN
(12:48) I hate this group chat
[Friday PM]
(9:34) Do you have something against red hair?
(9:36) HELLO TO YOU TOO, SUNSHINE.
(9:37) AND NO, but this time it was my turn to have my phone confiscated
(9:38) WHERE DO YOU LIVE
(9:40) What?
(9:41) C’mon. Kansai, Kantou, Hokkaidou, the Batcave
(9:42) maybe we are neighbors
(9:42) I’M FEELING A BIT DRUNK RN
(9:43) THERE WAS SOMETHING VERY ALCOHOLIC IN THE STRAWBERRY CAKE
(9:43) AND I ATE A LOT OF STRAWBERRY CAKE
(9:48) What’s your name
(9:52) Oh God. I’d really like to know what they put in that cake
(9:53) Idk, i’ll ask mum tomorrow. Probably some drugs. I think she’s secretly trying to get rid of her family
(9:54) Sasuke-kun
(9:55) Nope
(9:56) Sosuke-kun
(9:56) Nope
(9:58) I give up
(9:59) I miss Samu
(9:59) I’m so happy he’s coming home tomorrow
(10:00) BUT DON’T TELL HIM
(10:05) have u ever had sex
(10:09) Are we already at this point?
(10:09) Anyway no, I never have.
(10:13) Neither have I. No big deal
(10:13) I’m an immaculate virgin
(10:14) We should form a club
(10:14) Like, the club of virgins
(10:15) And then win against all the volleyball teams
(10:16) No, seriously, what did your mother put in that cake?
(10:17) Her secret ingredient
(10:17) LOVE, BABE. LOVE.
(10:18) do u wanna hear a joke
(10:20) *drum rolls with expectation*
(10:21) What do bees do if they need a ride?
(10:21) I don’t know, what do they do?
(10:22) They wait at the buzz stop!
(10:22) BOOM, BABY
(10:23) Oh man, I wish i could kiss myself
(10:33) I should start pinning all your jokes down, then write a book about them. I'm sure it would become a best seller.
(10:33) And then we’d become rich!
(10:42) you’re an angel
(10:42) and an evil genius
(10:42) I like you
[Saturday AM]
(9:03) GOOD MORNING, IMMACULATE VIRGIN
(9:03) how is the post-cake hangover going?
(9:29) Fucking Christ
(9:30) About yesterday's messages: it wasn't me, I swear. It was my friends' fault.
(9:33) What friends? You said you had no friends.
(9:34) …
(9:34) You know, maybe opening up so much to you wasn't the smartest idea I ever had.
(9:35) I believe my mom is REALLY trying to poison us, btw. Thankfully my brother is coming back today. At least he will be supervising the kitchen.
(9:48) How long until he arrives?
(9:56) Two hours and twenty-seven minutes.
(9:58) How cute. You’re still counting down.
(9:59) Well, I'm just glad I'm no longer in danger of dying poisoned because of my parents' cooking.
(10:00) And yes, I'm very cute, thanks. <3
(10:00) What about you? What are you doing today?
(10:05) PRACTICE.
(10:07) The dedication, ladies and gentlemen.
(10:09) I have to do it, I suck at receiving. I need to improve.
(10:13) So you're not a libero.
(10:15) Definitely not. I’m a middle-blocker.
(10:15) And you? What position do you play?
(10:17) I’m a setter.
(10:19) I have mixed feelings about this.
(10:19) What do you mean?
(10:20) The setter on my team. He’s a genius.
(10:20) We have a weird relationship. I envy him, I admire him, I want to beat him. But at the same time, I need him to win.
(10:21) He has a difficult temperament, though. It's not easy to get along with him.
(10:21) But I trust him completely.
(10:21) He also scares me. I wanna punch him. Although I can't, because he’s stronger than me. He always wins in arm wrestling.
(10:22) Setters are very complicated!
(10:33) It sounds like a crush to me.
(10:34) HI TSUMU
(10:34) DO I SENSE, PERHAPS, DISAPPOINTMENT?
(10:35) Your perceptual ability sucks
(10:36) What happened to your dreams of glory, big brother? <3
(10:36) This is gonna be the best weekend of my life.
[SATURDAY PM]
(8:48) I’m sorry, I was practicing!
(8:49) And it’s not a crush. I'd rather have my face smashed by a service.
(8:55) I get it. You're in denial.
(8:59) Nope, that’s not the case, I can assure you.
(8:59) Don't worry babe. I’m still available <3
(9:00) ...
(9:01) Rin, you there?
(9:01) I’m always there for you. Did you get home safe and sound, sweetheart?
(9:02) Yes, my love. Thank you for your concern.
(9:02) Rin, there’s something wrong with Tsumu
(9:03) There’s always something wrong with him
(9:04) No, I mean, this time it’s worse than usual. He’s punching himself in the face
(9:04) He’s blushing
(9:04) Fucking Christ
(9:05) Maybe he’s in apnea.
(9:06) Rin, I think he’s dying.
(9:07) Finally some fucking good news.
(9:07) Can you give me his share of your inheritance?
(9:10) Go shit yourselves, both of you.
(9:15) So
(9:15) The student beat the master.
(9:16) But just this once. You have a long way to go, young padawan.
(9:18) Yeah, yeah. Is your brother back?
(9:20) Yep, he also cooked.
(9:25) What?
(9:35) Kitsune udon. It was delicious. But I pretended it was barely edible.
(9:36) Although I ended up filling my plate four times, so I'm afraid my act wasn't that effective.
(9:36) Now I think we’ll watch Hunter x Hunter for the millionth time.
(9:40) Oh, good idea! I’m gonna go watch something with my sister too!
(9:42) Have fun
(9:43) You too!
[Sunday AM]
(6:25) How would you name a cactus?
(6:26) Hypothetically speaking.
(6:28) I’m not following
(6:29) What name would you give to a little cactus
(6:30) Still not following
(6:31) Is little cactus a metaphor for your dick? Because it's not very inviting.
(6:32) Oh god. You're so stupid.
(6:33) no, it's just that, you know
(6:33) it's Sunday. You texted me at 6:30 in the morning.
(6:34) You should be under arrest, sir. With handcuffs and all.
(6:35) Is that what you think about before going to sleep? Me wearing handcuffs?
(6:36) This is one of those very rare occasions when I had better keep my mouth shut. I underestimated you, and I bitterly regret it.
(6:36) That's what everyone does.
(6:36) What?
(6:37) Underestimate me. And then BABAM, I come out of nowhere and score with my super duper powerful spikes!
(6:37) I love spiking! No one can predict my spikes!!!
(6:38) Okay, tiger
(6:38) You’ll see
(6:38) Yeah yeah
(6:39) Anyway
(6:39) Yesterday my mom brought us back a little cactus.
(6:40) And she said it would be nice to find a name for it.
(6:41) So, help me out
(6:42) Cocktus.
(6:42) Cocktus the cactus.
(6:43) …
(6:43) How could I have thought that asking your opinion might be a good idea?
(6:45) Honestly? I don't have a clue. Especially at 6:30 in the morning.
(6:45) Now I have to leave you. My brother is threatening to kill us both.
(6:46) I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake up your brother!
(6:46) But you wanted to wake up me?
(6:47) Well, let’s just say I don't feel particularly guilty toward you.
(6:48) Aww, how cute. You can't live without me even at this time on a Sunday morning. I knew you would become obsessed.
(6:48) Okay, my brother is kicking my ass. I’m going back to sleep. Goodbye.
(6:50) While you sleep, try to think of a cute name for my new cactus friend!
(6:50) And DON’T think of me while I'm wearing handcuffs .
[Sunday PM]
(10:43) I thought of a name.
(10:44) Good evening, sleeping beauty.
(10:44) It's not like I've slept until now
(10:45) Anyway
(10:45) Since you like to spike so much, and since the cactus has spikes, call it Spikey.
(10:45) Spikey, the cactus full of spikes that likes to spike as well
(10:46) Well
(10:46) This is brilliant.
(10:48) I know.
(10:49) I will, however, continue to call it cocktus.
(10:50) Oh God so this is what it feels like to have a child.
(10:51) Wonderful, I had my first child with a stranger.
(10:53) Send me a pic.
(10:54) Of the cactus?
(10:54) No, of your dick.
(10:55) OF COURSE I MEAN THE CACTUS, WTF
(10:56) [image received]
(10:57) Wow, it's gorgeous. You can totally see my genes.
(10:57) It’s a bit short, though.
(10:59) For that, I think it's my fault.
(11:03) You’re short?
(11:05) A little bit. But I can jump!
(11:06) THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE <3
(11:07) SHUT UP, TSUMU