Work Text:
Gotham City. Gotham City. That just... sounds right.
Mailbox. Van. Razor.
It’s strange how naming... changes things.
I’ve walked these streets... every inch of this city... but I never had the words. Never knew the names. Now... it’s like it’s all changed. All new. Or maybe... Maybe it’s me that’s changing.
I... watch. Am watching?
Oracle--Barbara--Batgirl -- No. No. I’m Batgirl.
Swing swing swing -- the... sticks. Escrima. They are... Filipino. No, that’s not what I need. I need to know how. Not what.
Swing swing -- that’s the movement. But in words. They’re not. It’s not. What I need.
Hit. She hit me. She never hit me before. Not my skin, just knocked away my sticks before. No one can touch me.
Could. It is past tense. I am not.
I am... defeated. Again.
Barbara looks at me. She’s...
Sad. Confused. Thinking.
Those are words. They’re not the feelings. I know them. But I’m not...
I’ve never worked this way before. Words. They changed everything.
I never wanted to know the words. I already knew the world. I didn’t need them. I didn’t want this. I did. I didn’t. I did. I wanted to hear what she said, what he said. What they said.
I wanted to said back. Say.
Damn.
She offers her hand. I take it. I get up. No, she helps me get up.
I... glare. I never wanted her help. She wanted this. I did, but she needed me to have this. But now... now she can defeat me.
She never could before. No one could.
Now...
“You’re hesitating too much,” she says.
I spit at the... mat. I know. I already know.
“I’m... thinking,” I say back.
Thinking isn’t feeling. Isn’t doing. Isn’t moving.
I’m...
Distracted.
“It might just take a while to get used to,” she says.
Batman. He’s coming soon. I have to beat him. If I don’t beat him... he’ll say I’m not Batgirl. I am Batgirl.
It’s all I am now.
“Cass...”
“I don’t... like this,” I say. I throw arms, I stomp. I’m. angry. ”Why did you... want this? For me?”
She’s. Confused. Upset. Stern. “I didn’t do this to you, Cass.”
I point. At her. “You wanted it, though.”
“I wanted to talk to you, yes,” she says. She’s going fast. Would’ve been too fast before. Still a little fast now. Headache... “And you were happy when it happened. When you came to me. You wanted to talk to me, too, Cass. This is a challenge, but we can work through it. Together--”
I’m... not crying. Tears anyway. I’m angry. Not sad. “You could have learned my way,” I say. “No one tried my way.”
She frowns. “People just don’t think that way, Cass. The way your mind worked was alien to us. We would have had to rewire everything we knew.”
Laugh. It hurts, but I laugh. Angry. Bitter. “That’s what I did for you,” I say.
Walk away. Now I’m crying. Don’t need Barbara to say that. Wipe it away, go to train. Alone.
I have to beat Batman. Have to stay Batgirl.
It’s the only thing left I know.