Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kroe is quite the heavy sleeper. Always the last of the crew to get up, more often than not having to be dragged out from underneath the sheets and literally brought up onto his feet by the rest of the party. Well, mostly by Flynn, as Strangle and Alastyr are always preoccupied packing up their belongings, making sure everything is ready for the team to set off, while Kasper keeps himself busy preparing breakfast and ordering the two around, pointing out everything that is yet to be packed up, while also shooting Flynn sympathetic looks. Or, actually, maybe they're more like pity? Seems more like something Kasper would do, but Kroe's too tired to remember.

Today, however, all the stimuli that Kroe usually completely ignores in his drowsy state seem amplified, and they're killing him. It's too cold. The campfire smoke is stinging his closed eyes. He can hear the wind in the pine trees way above. There's a mosquito buzzing right above his ear.

He swats it with his hand and hits himself in the forehead. Disappointed in himself, Kroe waits a few seconds, hand still on forehead, before opening his eyes.

Alastyr is shivering slightly in his sleep. Flynn's small stature has been completely consumed by the sleeping bag he's curled up inside of, as opposed to Strangle, who is laying splayed out like a starfish, seemingly not minding the cold, while Kasper is mindlessly fiddling with a random stick, scattering about the remaining contents of the campfire. He was the last one keeping watch tonight. He stops what he's doing for a moment, staring at Kroe.

"What are you doing there, friend?" he jokes.

"Nothing. Mind your own business." Kroe grumbles, pulling his hand off his face. No sign of mosquito remains. Dammit.

"Not a morning person, I gather." Kasper hums. "Congrats, by the way. I don't think I've ever seen you be up first."

"Couldn't believe it myself." Kroe yawns, stretching his arms out.

"So, what's up?" Kasper drills, and Kroe has to stop himself from saying Me, obviously. "Had a nightmare? Or did you just sleep extra well tonight on this super comfy forest floor?" He pats the ground next to him. A few small sticks, pebbles, and a piece of moss all stick to his hand.

"I dunno." Kroe flips onto his back, watching the sparks from the last remnants of the fire fly up and dissipate before they can reach the branches.

"Maybe it's the cold." as always, this guy does not stop talking. They're very good friends and have been through so much together, and that is precisely why Kroe reserves the right to sometimes find Kasper annoying. He has a tendency to always throw in his two cents, wether it be needed or not. An example of it not being needed: attempting small talk ten seconds after Kroe has woken up. 

"You know, I had a dream." Kasper continues.

"Did you?" Kroe responds, quite unenthusiastically. Kasper stops in his tracks.

"If you're not interested, I don't have to tell you." there's a beat of silence. "But it was really cool."

"I'm interested!" Kroe makes a point of just how interested he is by sitting up a little.

"Alright, so, I was standing on this huge mountain," it doesn't take much to convince Kasper to continue talking "tall enough that the clouds were underneath me-"

"Aren't you afraid of heights?" Kroe interrupts.

"Not in my dreams I'm not." Kasper shrugs "Anyway, I'm standing on this mountain, and there's cherry blossom trees all around, very beautiful. And there's this old turtle guy with a cane. And he told me... well, let's just say he taught me a lot."

"That's it?" Kroe assumes the two second pause in Kasper's speech to be the end of the story.

"Mhm." he assumes correctly. "I'm not gonna tell you the whole dream, you know, it's private."

"Then why did you make such a big deal out of it!?" Kroe sits up completely this time.

"I didn't make it a big deal, you made it a big deal by refusing to listen!"

"I did listen!"

"Guys, what's going on?" Alastyr seems to have woken up, partly from the yelling, partly from the cold, and is now wrapping himself up tighter in his bedroll.

"Nothing, go back to sleep." Kroe dismisses him with a hand motion.

"Actually," Kasper looks up at the sky "it's almost time to start waking everyone up anyway."

He almost begins to stand up, before pausing "Kroe," he turns his attention to his hobgoblin friend "would you do the honors?"

This guy knows him too well. Suddenly full of energy, Kroe stands up from the ground and forms his hands into a megaphone.

"Gladly." he smirks, putting his hands up to his mouth.

Alastyr groans, clasping his hands over his ears. Kasper has an expecting smile on his face. Kroe clears his throat.

"WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!" he shouts through his rolled palms. "IT'S TIME TO GOOO! MORNIIING!!!" he makes a point of yelling extra close to Flynn.

"What the hell?" the halfling peeks his head out of his bedroll, squinting his eyes in the rising sun. "Go away, man."

"IT'S TIIIME!!!"

"Wasn't Kasper s'posed to be keeping watch last?" Strangle rubs his eyes, sitting up. Alastyr still has his hands over his ears.

"I was. And I did." Kasper smiles.

"Why would you let him do this?" Strangle groans.

"Oh, but just look at how happy he is."

"WAKE UPPP!!!" Kroe forcefully removes Alastyr's hands from over his ears.

"Stop it, stop!" he slaps Kroe's hands away. "I'm up!"

"YOU TOO!" Kroe turns to Strangle, who is now hiding his face in Kasper's shoulder in an effort to reclaim the last fleeting moments of sleep. He makes an unintelligible noise in response, muffled by the fabric of his boyfriend's shirt.

"I'll take care of this one." Kasper assures, and, unfortunately, Kroe has to let him. Whatever. He still has Flynn and Alastyr to torment.

It takes a minute, but with Kroe shaking Alastyr and Flynn awake, and Kasper doing the same to Strangle, but gentler, the crew is soon on their way. They eat breakfast (day old bread and some berries they found in the forest, that Alastyr assured were safe to eat) on the go, as Strangle insisted that they have to get moving quickly "to warm up!". Kasper said there are other ways to warm up, putting way more innuendo into his words than he needed to. Kroe pretended to throw up. Alastyr asked him if he was okay, sincerely enough that Kroe actually decided to stop the fake-vomiting, as to not freak him out.

Strangle's suggestion to get on the go as soon as possible proves to be a good one, as just a few minutes into the walk, Kroe does start to feel warmer. He's walking alongside Kasper in the back of the line, with Flynn in the middle, and Alastyr and Strangle leading the group. Alastyr is holding a compass, and Strangle is supervising its proper usage.

"We should do this every morning." Kasper suggests.

"Huh?" Kroe asks, stuffing the last remaining berries into his mouth. From Kasper's expression he can deduce he got berry juice all over his face, but decides not to worry about it for now.

"The waking up. No one does it quite like you, Kroe." he nudges him in the side.

"Heh. I have to be up first." he wipes his mouth with his sleeve. Yep, definitely berry juice. "There's a reason I always keep watch first, you know."

"I know." Kasper sighs "Oh, but it was so fun."

"Yeah." Kroe reminisces with a smile. "Maybe one day."

"Maybe one day." Kasper echoes.

They keep chatting, about dreams, about how it's an unusually cold morning, and about how they're feeling a little funny after eating those berries, as the crew ventures on through the forest.

Chapter Text

My name is Kasper, I am a twenty-eight year old magic user, adventurer and a member of an unnamed traveling party of four, and so I don't forget again, I am writing down my memories in this very journal.

Let it be known that this journal used to belong to a different adventurer, a great man by the name of Strangle MaCock. Due to tragic circumstances, he is no longer with us. In our short time together, he managed to give me us the tools to save the world, as well as change my life. If I ever lose memory of him, smite me down. Maybe don't actually. But definitely smack me around a bunch until I remember. He was very important to me, you see.

I will now begin describing my journey thus far.

It all started five days ago, when myself and my companions

Of course, I ought to give a brief description of my party members first. If I ever happen to forget any of them, also smack me around a bunch. Thank you.

Firstly, there is Alastyr Cross - a young, scientifically inclined fellow I have grown quite fond of. He's a good kid, bright, but lacks responsibility and general knowledge about the workings of the world. Comes with his young age, I suppose.

Secondly, Flynn Gustwind. I like that one as well. He's logical, doesn't let his emotions get the better of him. An admirable trait, by it does make me wonder how long it'll take for him to finally snap. Regardless, he serves as good balance between us all, and I can appreciate that.

Lastly, Kroe Wyse. Closest thing I have to a peer amongst our group. We share similar tastes and a general appreciation for controlled destruction. He's got a sort of... unhinged twinkle in his eye, if I may call it that. It baffles me how come Flynn and him get along so well. Guess opposites really do attract.

Now that all that is out of the way, I will begin describing our journey thus far.

It all started five days ago, when myself and my companions stumbled upon a strange phenomenon. My memory fails me already, but I know I remember something wondrous, something out of this world, something that shouldn't exist, and it terrified me as much as it filled me with curiosity. I remember taking Strangle's hand, and from then on it's a bit of a blur, until the moment myself and the party, minus Strangle, were climbing up the World Tree. I remember a great catastrophe - a fire eating away at the branches of Yggdrasil. It must've been that damned dragon who started it, the same one who later took Strangle up into the air, never to be seen again... That part is painfully clear in my memory.

I don't remember how we got to Bubbletrench. It was through a portal, I'm sure, but what happened to Strangle's car? Beats me. That underwater city is the place I have the least memory of, but I can still very clearly see in my minds eye the largest ocean creature I have ever had the misfortune of gazing upon. Why must my clearest memories be the most gut wrenching? Oh, but I do also remember Alastyr's bright smile. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but I feel like it has dimmed overtime.

And how could I not mention Bingus! Bingus the triton, not Bingus the frogtopus, though I must admit they're both similarly adorable. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

The next world was positively horrid. My apologies, but I must drop the sublime tone here for a second and say it as it was: it fucking sucked. I hated every goddamn minute of it.

Firstly, Tobias Avenforge, or should I say Spidebur, and his wretched games. What was that creature even getting out of torturing us? He had us trapped for gods know how long inside of disgusting, sticky cocoons, and he almost killed Alastyr! And, he had me suspended in the air much too far up for my liking, which I can't say I appreciated.

Once we escaped his domain, there were even more horrors waiting for us. We were lucky to find those two young girls when we did. I remember their names were Emma and Sophia, but I struggle to match those names to the girls. Pretty certain the taller one was Sophia. She and her sister led us to what seemed to be the last sliver of civilization left in this world. They were kind enough to offer us food and shelter, and to be honest, using those remote communication devices they gave us was probably the highlight of the trip.

On a slightly more terrifying note, Alastyr almost died again , this time of his own ignorance. He pocketed some sort of sentient goo and, as anyone with a crumb of life experience could predict, it ended up causing problems. Mainly, it slithered its way into the skin of Alastyr's arm and I had to cut it out with my bare hands. I saved his life back there. I honestly don't think he was grateful enough. Oh, but it's whatever. I'm just glad he's okay.

Continuing on the streak of unfortunate circumstances, the MaCock Mix, the music tape Strangle gifted to me before his tragic demise, got destroyed in the heat of battle. As if that wasn't enough, I kept getting knocked out and missing crucial moments of the fight. I was so distraught and exhausted by the end of it all I didn't even register half of what that incredibly evil man was saying. We defeated him anyway, so it's not like it really matters anymore.

Finally, we were out of that grim, horrible place, and that brings us back around. That's right - Bingus himself was standing before us once more, all grown up! At first I mistook him for his father, but apparently that man is now, tragically, gone.

I have to say - this is most likely my favorite dimension we've visited so far. The manner of everyone's dress is right up my alley. It's so unnecessary, yet so captivating. What do they even need those funny strings coming of the hems of their jackets for? And what's with the hats? No idea, but I've gotten one for myself. The place itself is not too shabby, either. We even got an inn to sleep in! A nice one! That's a first. I really feel like our luck is about to turn around.

Still, I must admit I find myself grieving, as I often do in the evening hours. Recounting those events, I can't help but wonder in what ways would they play out differently if I still had we still had Strangle with us. I wish he could experience all this, too, to see the sun shining through the water's surface hundreds of feet above, to look upon this small town and grin. And maybe that nightmarish world would have been a little more bearable with him in it, too. I wish he could be a part of what he must've been preparing to do for years. I just wish he were here.

I almost wish to forget him entirely, just so I don't have to hurt anymore. It's bound to happen eventually, so maybe I should just

I already forgot someone important to me once, and every day, I'm forced to remember that. Even now, the picture peeks out at me from between the pages. My most perfect memory, one I'm certain there is no getting out of my mind, is what that picture looks like. I've stared at it for hours. I know every detail of it, every little spot in the background I've examined a hundred times over, hoping it would trigger something in me. So far, I've had no luck. All I've managed to accomplish is grow sick of looking at my own joyous face staring back at me. Like it's taunting me.

Loss seems to be somewhat of a recurring theme in my life. Wether it's memories, things or people, what I care the most about seems to just slip right through my fingers before I can properly grasp it. I want to hold it, wash it thoroughly in the stream, see it for what it really, truly is, put it on my shelf, dust it every day and stare at it until I'm sick of it, like I did with that damn picture, but I can't even get one good glance before it's gone forever.

Maybe I just want to feel sorry for myself. Maybe I just want to sit around and stare at a picture, or a bandanna, or whatever other reminder of better times I can cling onto instead of doing anything to make things actually better. Maybe things won't get better, because they were never really that good to begin with.

Oh, but enough moping. I ought to get some rest before tomorrow. Every day is a big day when you're on your way to save the world. And I get the feeling tomorrow will be especially grand.

Goodnight.

[there are wet smudges staining the last few paragraphs]

Chapter Text

My name is Kasper, I am a twenty-eight year old magic user, adventurer and a member of the Dimension Dudes traveling party, and so I don't forget again, I am writing down my memories on this piece of paper, in hopes I can later tape it into my journal.

That is right - my previous journal has, tragically, gone missing. Or, should I say, Strangle's journal. Precisely! In an incredibly fortunate set of circumstances it turns out Strangle MaCock, the owner of the journal I have been previously writing down my memories in, is actually not dead. I am filled with such immense joy, I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep up this fancy writing style. Is this what love feels like? I'm tempted to say so.

Regrettably, I must confess I have so few memories of the first days of our adventure, that I will refrain from even trying to describe them. All I remember are certain emotions, sounds, unrelated images, to the point that it feels more like recalling a dream than a memory. I'm almost certain it would all turn out an incomprehensible mess if I were to try and write it down. Once Strangle's journal is found and I can read what I had written that day, it will all come back to me, no doubt.

I will, instead, pick right up where I left off.

I must admit, that desert world did not turn out quite as fun as I had hoped for it to. Well, it was fun at first - our visit to the barber proved fruitful, and we got to fight a holy man, which is something I've always wanted to do. I'm sorry, Goddess.

But then, the unfortunate events began unfurling. First, we got taken to jail. By Bingus of all people! I guess it makes sense, not doing so would surely be some form of nepotism, but I was still offended nonetheless

In jail, the next tragedy unveiled. It turns out Alastyr, my young scientist companion, had the brilliant idea to acquire a frozen sample of gods-know-what from that nightmarish city. I'll say that again: frozen. sample. Now, that itself wouldn't be so horrible - inconvenient and putting the kid's true intelligence in question, sure, but not horrible. Except for the fact that the puddle left inside Alastyr's bag was the only thing there. Have I mentioned that Alastyr was carrying nearly all our belongings on his person? Including the very artifacts we needed to save the world?

Naturally, this made me quite upset. Downright in shambles, even. We lost not only the golden eggs, the sole reason we were here in the first place, but also Strangle's journal, which apart from being a useful tool in our endeavor, carried great sentimental value to me. Not to mention my picture was still inside! I admit, I might've blown up a little at the kid in the moment, but I believe I was justified.

I didn't recover from this for some time. The following hours are a bit of a blur. The next thing I remember is us leaving the mine and meeting a peculiar man. He reminded me of Strangle. I felt broken once more.

In more fun news, we fought ghosts on a train! That certainly helped improve my mood. And we got the egg! That is one out of seven! Mood ruined once more.

Well, I might be exaggerating: we got to see Bingus once more before we left, and what he had to say warmed my heart quite a bit. He called me his second in command! Can you believe that? That guy's just a whole bakery with how sweet he is.

I myself had some words to say, as well. To Alastyr. I've made up with him a little bit after my yelling fit over the eggs. I still believe I was justified in my anger, but I didn't want him to think I actually meant what I said about him. He's so impressionable still, I wouldn't want it to get to him. No matter how terrible a mistake he might've made, I do still care about him a great deal, and I hope he knows this. Or, at the very least, doesn't think I hate him. I trust he'll be more honest with me from now on.

We said our final goodbyes to the Bingusi and stepped into the portal.

The next world was... unlike anything I've seen before. We were in the sky, among the stars, in a floating building of sorts. The inside of it I'd compare to Spidebur's illusion in the way everything was pristine and white and made of metal, minus the ominous nature of that place.

As we progressed through the sterile corridors we met none other than Bingus! He looked... odd, though. Almost like a ghost. He explained to us why, but I didn't really understand. I don't feel too bad about it, though, since the smartest our party has to offer didn't either. But then he said something I understood very, very well: that we were in the Stranglehold.

Of course. Of course the Stranglehold would be the most wondrous, amazing place in the universe. Of course it would be in the sky of all places. Where else. Gods.

This information had me broken once more - keep in mind, I still thought Strangle was dead at that point. I felt angry at first, at the unfairness of this beautiful, star-filled universe, as I looked into its endless void. And then I felt solemn. I thought about legacy and what one leaves behind. I traced my fingers along the armrest of the leather chair and wondered how many times he's sat in it, and how one time was the last and he didn't even know, and how I'm sitting in it now and thinking about all this, and it made me want to cry, how come someone can be gone, but there's so much of them still left at the same time.

Or, so I thought.

Which brings us to the lucky moment of my our reunion with Strangle. When I entered his room and saw him, tucked under the covers, I almost didn't recognize him. He just looked... smaller, I guess. I remembered him being big and loud - in the best of ways, of course - but there he was, blinking his eyes awake, in a huge bed, under many, many blankets, and so small. Maybe that is why I felt such a strong need to hug him. And I did, and he hugged back. Turns out, I did remember him correctly after all - he was, in fact, big. Very warm, as well. Being hugged by him felt nice. Well, more than nice, but you must understand, it's impossible to find the correct words, as the more I try and recall the feeling, the more vocabulary escapes me, and I am forced to drop my pen and hide my burning face within my palms. So, "nice" will, unfortunately, have to suffice.

Oh, that's right, I should probably apologize to Kroe for shooting him with fire. In my defense, he intruded on us without warning, and I was overwhelmed with emotion!

I tend to do that a lot around Strangle, I have noticed. Get overwhelmed with emotion, I mean.

I was being fully serious when I asked: is this what love feels like? as I am, truly, not sure. Losing much of my memory also means I don't have as much experience in certain areas as others my age may have. I have little idea as to what love feels like. I have found people good-looking before, sure - even Kroe, at first glance, I thought wasn't too shabby, with his round green eyes and all - maybe even had what could be considered passing crushes, but this is much different from anything I've felt about any man I can recall, ever. That's not to say I don't find Strangle handsome - I do. Very much so, actually. I also think he's kind and intelligent, and so very charming, the can't-peel-your-eyes-away type of charming, but those are all just objective facts, aren't they? Anyone with ears and eyes can tell you that much. That itself doesn't prove anything.

So, instead, I'd like to focus on feelings instead of facts. And, gods, do I feel .

I feel very differently about Strangle than I do about everyone else. I've never been one to forget my tongue in my mouth, but when I'm with him sometimes it's like I can't speak at all, I'm just completely dumbfounded staring at that gorgeous face of his like some sort of idiot. He's the only one next to whom I stutter, not just in speech but in my movement and in my heart as well. When he looks me in the eye I feel it in my chest, and it makes me want to sigh dreamily and rest my head in my palms and kick my feet back and forth. He makes me feel excited to be alive. That is what makes me believe I might be a little in love.

Reading back my last few paragraphs, I'm having second thoughts about taping this into Strangle's journal. I didn't really plan to say so much, you see, but I got... overwhelmed with emotion. Once more, apparently. Wow I'm in love. Embarrassingly deep. Well, I really think I'd rather keep this on my person, at least for now. I do sincerely hope no one finds this piece of paper. If anyone besides me is reading this, stop immediately! Unless it has been hundreds of years and I am long gone. Then I give you permission to use this as a piece of historical literature. You are welcome.

I must retire for the night now. I have much to think about.

Goodnight