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Luna almost wished that they had faced more resistance. Everything was easier when she had something to focus on. In battle, she was in control and knew exactly what she needed to do and how to do it. The constant risk of death and injury kept her on her toes and prevented her from dwelling on things that were best not thought of.

But the people of Coedweigh were cowed, for now at least, and the reports from all the other enclaves had been much the same. There’d been some losses, as was to be expected, but no one was in dire need of aid. Things stable and would most likely stay that way for the rest of the night.

And, unfortunately, Luna knew what she needed to do now, if not how to do it. Her job, while things were quiet, was to rest, so that she would be sharp when she was needed again.

Frankly, she would rather go into battle outnumbered five to one.

Taking off her armour felt like she was peeling away her skin, piece by piece, and left her feeling naked and vulnerable. She did not take off any more layers, both to avoid worsening the feeling of nakedness and because she had decided to sleep in the command tent, so she could be found easily if anything happened during the night. Duty first, as always.

She spread out her bedroll on the floor behind the table, within easy reach of her armour and double blade, and lay down on it.

So. She was lying down. It didn’t feel like the change in orientation had brought her any closer to actually sleeping.

It wasn’t that she was tormented by fear or guilt or thrilled with anticipation. She was not obsessing over the horrors she had seen and the blood she had spilt. She was just… awake. Completely and entirely awake. Even when she closed her eyes and forced herself to take deep, slow breaths, it didn’t help. Her mind continued to thrum with awareness and her body remained tense and rigid.

A sudden noise came from outside and Luna was immediately on her feet, double blade in hand, before she realised that it was just an owl calling.

Gods, this was ridiculous. At this rate she would go insane before the end of the night.

She lay down again and tensed every muscle in her body as tightly as she could and held the position for ten seconds before letting go. One of the other priests had taught her the technique not long after she had arrived in the Nightsilver Woods. It was meant to help with anxiety and it did work. Sometimes.

She repeated the exercise two more times, feeling her heartbeat begin to slow and her teeth stop grinding together. This was good, she was getting somewhere. She closed her eyes again and drew in another deep breath, trying to will her mind to empty itself and just relax.

The face of a Coriel Tauvi woman materialised in front of her. Her skin was splatter edwith blood and her eyes wide and glazed. The rest of her body lay several inches away, blood pooling out of the stump of her neck.

Luna was instantly sitting up again, eyes wide open and heart pounding. So much for clearing her head.

She needed a drink, she realised. Not a lot, not enough to dull her senses. Just something to take the edge off and help her get to sleep without becoming… distracted.

One drink. That was all.

Eleven months sober, a voice in her head said, before quickly realising its mistake. That had gone out of the window when the Princess left. Now Luna was, what, five days sober? A week? Pathetic. Hardly a record that anyone would care about her breaking.

Luna leapt to her feet again and began hurriedly fastening her armour back into place. She would not get drunk, she told herself, would not do anything that might jeopardise her ability to serve her Goddess. She would be restrained and sensible and stop as soon as she had calmed enough to get to sleep.

Within a couple of minutes she was striding out into the night, her face a mask of calm confidence, despite the emotions building inside her. She had to find something to drink. Now.

The settlement was deathly still and silent in the night air. The only people outdoors were the guards that she had stationed around the Dark Moon Order’s tents, all of whom looked at their feet when Luna passed by, afraid that if they drew her attention, they might be dragged into whatever she was doing.

For now, they were in luck. Luna needed a local. It took several minutes, but eventually Luna found a young Coriel Tauvi man who had made the mistake of leaving his home. Probably to answering the call of nature.

Luna stepped out of the shadows in front of him, blocking his path back into the main settlement. “Take me to your people’s store rooms.”

“You want to take our food?” The man stumbled backwards, eyes wide with horror.

No, just their drink, but Luna did not have to explain herself. She unhooked her weapon from her belt and twisted the hilt to release the blades, “Your stores.”

All the blood drained from the elf’s face but he nodded, “I’ll take you there.”

“Good.” Luna growled.

The elf lead her through the settlement, away from the soldiers who were now even more pointedly ignoring her, and eventually stopped in front of a wooden door embedded in the ground. After another moment’s hesitation and a shaky glance at Luna’s double blade, he heaved it open and stepped back to allow her to enter.

Luna retracted the blades of her weapon as she descended the steps into the underground chamber. The smell that greeted her was intimately familiar from her childhood. Damp earth, salt, and a sort of leafy dust. Nothing in here actually smelled like food. The tubers filling several shelves had no scent, no taste, even when cooked, and everything else- meat, fish, fruit, herbs – had been dried and salted into a wrinkled husk of its original form.

They did not eat like that in the Nightsilver Woods. Even during winter.

Luna did an instinctive assessment of the level of the various supplies. It was only a month or so until winter hit, two months if they were lucky. Enough time to put away a little more surplus, but not much. Winter would be tight this year. No one would die but no one would enjoy themselves either. She would spend three months picking fights with her siblings and skulking miserably through the forest with her bow slung over her back, her fingers numb with cold and her stomach aching furiously, berating herself for not being sharper, stronger, faster, better.

It was the sense of failure that drew Luna back to back to reality. Her home and her family were a long way away- if they even still existed- and Coedweigh’s population had been reduced by at least a quarter. The survivors would do fine for food.

And there was no alcohol among the supplies. Obviously.

Her head snapped around to face the elf above her, “Is there anything else?”

He swallowed hard before replying and when he did, his voice was weak, “Two more store rooms.”

“Take me to them.” Luna ordered.

The elf swallowed again but nodded. Smart man. Maybe he would survive the occupation.

The second store room was the same as the first: tubers, dried meat and fish, a few sacks of nuts that some poor child would spend weeks shelling and absolutely no drink. The third would be no different, Luna knew that. But she had to check. She had to try.

Her heart was in her throat and her hands trembled as she stepped down into the darkness, saying a silent prayer so any god who would listen. Please. Just one drink. That’s all I ask.

But there was nothing. No tantalising glint of bottles in the moonlight. No barrels that might be filled with wine or ale. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Luna slammed her fist into the wall.

The elf who had been trailing behind her jumped backwards, panicked words spewing out of his mouth “What do you want? What are you looking for? I’ll take you to it, I-”

“Get out!” Luna roared as she punched the wall again, harder this time, releasing a shower of earth. Of course the Coriel Tauvi had no alcohol. They were dirt poor. Literally, she was surrounding by the fucking dirt they had to eat.

And the nearest human settlement was spans away. Even riding at full pelt it would take her at least a day to get there and the same again to return and she could not leave her men for that long, she just couldn’t.

Luna dropped to her knees, fighting to keep herself from screaming.

“Just one drink.” She begged the empty air, as though a bottle of wine would materialise in front of her if she just wished hard enough, “Please, I’ll do anything. Anything at all.” Kill more elves, fight a dragon, walk through fire, cut off her own limbs one by one. Whatever it took.

Another wave of desperation hit and she threw her head back, “Goddess, please,” Her eyes fixed on the silver of sky above her, the moon not quite visible through the narrow entrance, “Help me. I can’t do this alone. I love you. I really do but I can’t- I can’t-” She choked on her own words, tears running down her cheeks, “Everything hurts so much and I’m too weak. I can’t bear it. Please, just make it stop!”

But the Goddess did not come, in body or in spirit and the stars shone down unrelentingly onto Luna’s pathetic face. The adrenaline left her body as quickly as it had come and Luna was suddenly too weak even to stay upright. She collapsed in on herself, crumping to the floor, tears flowing freely.

She lay there, alone in the dark, for the rest of the night, her body wracked with sobs and shaking with need, wishing that she was anywhere other than where she was.

When the dawn came it wasn’t in its usual shades red and gold but an unnatural violet colour, tinged with silver. Luna peeled open her swollen eyes to see Selemene standing over her, with an expression of rage and disgust. “Get up.” She practically spat the words, “And go back to your post. I still have need of you.”

A heartbeat later, she was gone and the sky was gold again, as though she had never been there at all.

Except the tears coating Luna’s face were gone, along with any sign of her presence. Her eyes were no longer swollen, her throat no longer raw and her head no longer pounding. And the desire to drink or cry or slit her own throat had gone.

Instead, she felt fresh and sharp, as though she had just had a full night’s sleep.

So, she got to her feet and went back to her post. Selemene still had need of her. And everything was easier when she had something to focus on.