Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"...No." Donatello, unable to think clearly at the moment, said, "Nononononononono! Th-that's impossible- impossible - I-"

"Don-Tron," Leo had responded, "I know that it should be impossible, but-"

"No, I don't think you understand 'Nardo, " Donnie shivered, remembering what happened only hours before, "If I accept that that is even a possibility I- It's not. That's enough."

Donnie stood up and stormed out of the med-bay- or, at the very least tried to, ending up, instead, with a quick limp- and into the quiet, comforting buzz of his lab. They sat in the chair at their work table and dissolved into quiet tears. 

He, despite his insomnia, fell asleep in minutes.

~~~

He gasped- where was he? He… was in a dark room, on a table, legs spread, arms tied underneath the table, just tightly enough to be uncomfortable, and completely nude.

"Wha...?"

He noticed two people in a corner and tried to sit up to see them better, failing miserably.

The people were whispering about something, "-damned boss an' 'is obsession wi' turtles,"

He realised that his battle shell had been removed, sending a spark of fear through their core. They were exposed.

"E-excuse me gentlemen-" A slight quaver in his voice surprised him. He was usually better at hiding his terror.

They turned around quickly, allowing him to see what was behind them, "It can speak?!"

Glowing liquid like that of oozquitoes in vials and surgical instruments.

"You said it'd be ou' for at leas' three hours!"

He is not an it.

"Well- hey, we gotta finish it up quick,"

They approached him, fast, holding something behind their backs, instilling far more terror into the turtle than he thought possible. They tried to back up as one spread his legs a bit further and the other used the device that they had to simulate a bite on their neck.

He fell in and out of consciousness, seeing and hearing only snippets.

"...get it pregnant…"

An uncomfortable pressing near his tail

The sharp sting of a needle

"...safety of the children."

The white-hot kind of pleasure that Donatello had always thought unpleasant

The bubbling feeling of mystic powers

A flash of blue, knocking the two people out

He re-awakened to Leo standing over him and staring with a worried look. Donnie felt sweaty, and between their legs was damp. He felt used and torn and so, so exhausted. He shivered, trying to draw into himself but found himself unable, due to the rough rope around his wrists. They then came to the realisation of what had happened to them, a dark blush spreading across their face as they struggled against his ropes.

~~~

He gasped awake, struggled against an orange-yellow blanket that had been put around his body. They began hyperventilating, tears springing back out of their eyes.

I can't move!

I can't escape!

The usually comfortable buzzes and beeps of his lab seemed too much, the texture of the blanket more than he could handle and the low lights too bright to open his eyes. A choked sob wracked their body. When they broke free, they withdrew into their shell as far as they could, pulling their legs close to their body, rocking back and forth quietly, rapping their fists against their knees.

~~~

Donatello was still crying and slightly shaking when someone came up behind him, tapping his shoulder thrice. A near-silent growl was all they got in return.

"Donnie, baby- you gotta tell me what happened," April said behind him, worry heavy in her voice, "Leo seemed worried but he said- he said you should be the one to tell me…"

Donnie’s breath hitched slightly, but he spun his chair slowly towards April nonetheless. She was their favourite sibling after all, she deserved to know. He sucked air in through his teeth and attempted to speak.

His tongue seemed too heavy, the words he was trying to speak behind a wall, sucked out of him like air.

They raised their shaky hands and sloppily signed 'I was kidnapped…'

~~~

They were heading home from a mission. They were all injured, Donnie somehow the most of the four.

Leo was grumbling about how "We saved the world twice! You'd think the villains would give us a break! "

Donnie went quiet, as he did when he was in pain.

He was lagging behind.

Someone managed to sneak up behind him.

Hit him over the head, and everything went black.

~~~

'But… It might have resulted in a pregnancy…' Donatello finished, 'That's what they had been talking about,'

"How is that even possible ?!" April yelled.

Donnie winced, having to grasp their wrists to stop the stupid-

"Is- is there any way to check…?" April asked quietly.

Donnie nodded, averting their gaze and wiping his eyes underneath his mask. They grabbed their tech bō, before stopping for a moment. He flipped his goggles down over his eyes, and looked down.

He almost began to cry again.

"Donnie…?"

They grabbed at their bō staff again, pressing a series of buttons and standing up as straight as they possibly could. The glowing purple scanner seemed too bright, but Donnie determined that he would fix that later. After a minute without any conversation between the siblings, slowly, quietly, Donatello asked a question of April in his raspy, tear soaked voice, "I… what will even… if I am … p…pregnant…?"

April thought for a moment, but before she could answer, a low beep told Donnie that the scan was finished.

He pulled up the results of the scan and promptly leaned over his desk and threw up in a trash can.

I can't- I can't do this-!

He was shaking again. He fell back into their chair, curling into himself.

April grimaced, "Hey Dee…"

"April..? April I- I-" they shivered, blinked and wiped their eyes, before dropping into their normal low deadpan, "There is a high likelihood that I- that I am hosting life. Unfortunately… I-I'd say that there are possibly more issues. I need…to talk… to Leo…"

April blinked. Donnie gently dropped his head on April's shoulder and slowly typed a command into his tablet, sending for his twin, all the while ignoring the quiet drip of blood down the side of his leg.

~~~

It took forever for Leo to join them in his lab, but he entered with something in his hand, a lab coat, and a stethoscope, reminiscent of a doctor.

"I've come bearing gifts!" Leo sounded tired- or worried..? "Flavorless juice for my favourite twin?"

"Come in, Leo," Donnie came off as more exasperated than he was trying to. He was too tired to care. "And we're not twins. We aren't even the same species,"

Leo joined them, sitting on the table in front of his twin. He scrunched his nose at a scent- vomit, he realised.

Donnie remembered to take out the trash, quickly typing another command into their tablet, "I really must automate this…" He muttered underneath his breath, ignoring the silent stares of his family members. After the bottom slid out and a soft lavender scent was sprayed around the bin, Leo cleared his throat.

"So… you sent for me, 'Tello?"

"...Y…yes, I did…" Donnie paused, taking a minute to collect their thoughts, "I'll send you any necessary information, but, more importantly than the high possibility that… I'm… er- there are possibly other pressing matters,"

Leo winced.

Donnie shook their head to clear it, "I definitely have some type of head trauma, an… urm… a ‘mild’ concussion. My ankle is sprained, likely from the fight earlier today. The top layer of my shell was at the very least damaged , the only reason I'm up and moving about is luck at this point. There’s one-”

“-wait.” Leo stopped him. He seemed concerned. “You have a concussion. And shell damage. and you just RAN OUT?! "

Donnie just shrugged, “I mean- I was mostly unaware until I called for you,” He grinned, his vision going fuzzy temporarily, “And, and! You’re the medic! I thought you would probably figure it  out!” He knew he was grasping at straws, but he didn’t have the time (or energy) to think of anything better, especially whilst actively bleeding out through his biker shorts.

“ I swear to the big pizza in the sky, ” Leo whispered before drawing in a shaky breath, “Donatello, you barely let me look at you. And you felt the need to call me over. Serious Doctor Leo is out now.”

April’s phone notification broke an angry stare off, prompting the softshell to look over her shoulder. A text from ‘Sunita <3 <3 <3’, that April snatched away from the boys before they could read it. Leo took the opportunity to scoop his smaller brother up, much to Donnie’s chagrin.

“Leo. Leo, put me down.” they hissed.

Unfortunately for Donatello, their brother felt the blood on their shorts, saw the slow  drip towards the floor. Unfortunately for Donatello, their brother noticed their shiver, heard the quiet, pained whimper. Unfortunately for Donatello, his brother, his twin, cared about him. But, unfortunately for Leonardo, his brother passed out in his arms before he could say anything.

~~~

He was on a table in a dark room. The men were approaching him. He didn't have his battle shell. He backed up, standing flesh against a wall.

“Idiot.”

The men seemed to blend together. They pinned him against a wall, pushing their mouths against his as he struggled. He was hyper‐aware of the brick wall on his soft shell as the men pushed their tongues through his teeth. His eyes blurred with tears as the men groped him, rubbing his tail and prodding the slit close to its centre.

Stop! He thought, trying helplessly to break free from the much stronger people in front of him. He re-opened his eyes, only to come face to face with himself.

Himself, but hard-shelled. Himself, but muscular and almost as tall as Raphael. Themself, their eyes, their eyebrows, and their colours. He was pinning himself against a wall.

He pinned himself against a wall and bit himself, thrice. Once on the neck, once on the head, and, most painfully, once on the very edge of his shell. He dug his claws into the shell of the smaller turtle.

" P-Please stop…" they whimpered.

The pain was almost unbearable, but penetration was worse. He thought that he felt something tear.

“Pathetic.”

The distaste he had for the feeling didn't prevent the low moan that slipped through his teeth when his duplicate hit him just right. It also didn't prevent the orgasm he experienced, giving him a hit of euphoria as his back arched, toes curled, and claws dug deep into the wall behind him. The turtle in front of him came soon afterwards, filling him with uncomfortably warm fluid. 

The turtle in front of him pulled out, coming to stand next to him. Donnie could barely stand, awkwardly leaning against the wall for support, all the while dripping blood and bodily fluids.

And then he noticed Leo, standing in front of him, staring, a disgusted look on his face.

“You disgusting, broken piece of outdated, useless tech. ”

They sank to their knees, letting out a sob. He looked back up, only to see the other Donatello following Leo, looking down at him with a cold grin.

He just sat there, lay there, shaking and crying.

~~~

“DONNIE?! Donnie please wake up!”

Donatello woke up with a pounding headache, being shaken by their youngest brother while his blue twin pried the two apart. He slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the light.

“C… Can someone t-turn the… the lights down..?” He coughed and pushed himself up onto his elbows, unnoticed tears welling in the corners of his eyes.

“Mhm…” Mikey nodded quietly,

“Donatello. When were you going to tell me that you were literally bleeding out?” asked Serious Doctor Leo.

“When were you going to tell me you were bleeding out you stupid, idiot turtle! You may be a genius, but I swear-” Leo paused for a moment, taking a breath, “When were you going to tell us that you had such a serious injury? You could have bled out.”

Donnie glanced down at himself, and began to cry. They were nude, their legs slightly spread  (probably by circumstance, their shorts were bloodsoaked, and that was just the way they must have been laid, they realised belatedly somewhere in the back of their far-too-loud mind) He curled in on himself, the way he had tried when Leo had first seen him.

The pain sent shivers down the back of their shell. The adrenaline must have worn off.

“Nh-” Donatello shivered again, before simply pulling his knees to his chest, “Someone get me a hoodie, please..? ”

“Yessir!” Mikey yelled from the corner after turning off the light.

“I… I tried…” Donnie whimpered.

~~~

“Can you uhhhhh… make… some… soup…?” Leo had asked after peeking out the door. He looked shocked when he saw Mikey, and it was clear that he was making something up on the spot. Luckily, he had already started soup- chicken and rice, easy to make and a favourite when his brothers were stressed- and so, he had the chance to eavesdrop.

“Sure! Ya’ want these?” He put on a cheery facade, offering the two jackets- Donnie’s favourite purple hoodie and a replica of the Purple Dragon’s jacket that had been given to him as a gift, the only difference being the lack of symbol on its back- to his blue big brother, who took them and shooed him off.

Mikey was the optimist. the artist, and the chef of the group. More importantly, he was the one who had researched (and researched, and researched, and tested, and researched some more) psychology. He had helped all of his brothers get through some of the trauma of The Kraang, and, before that, The Shredder. He had listened to them all cry about their father’s absence. He had even listened to his father’s woes from time to time.

The problem was that his brothers still saw him as a baby. He was only 16, but he had saved the world twice and had been the family therapist since he was 8. He had spent the years prior learning how to get them all to open up to him.

It, thus, hurt him when he heard the conversation through the door.

~~~

Leo seemed to be looming over him, and he seemed disappointed, almost disgusted. Donnie was sweating. Donnie was shaking again. Donnie was crying again. Donnie was hyperventilating. He felt pathetic. He was pathetic.

~~~

Donnie was having a panic attack. He’d had a few before, but so had Leo. They all had, especially after the Kraang. His knowledge on the situation didn’t mean that he felt prepared.

“Hey, Don..?” Leo was scared. He crouched in front of his twin, offering a hand out. “Don, Y-you’ll be okay-”

“I- I- I’m p-pathetic. ” he whispered, so quietly that Leo almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”  

“A stupid, stupid, st-stupid idiot,” their voice shuddered, tears dripping down their face.

“Don.” Leo’s voice shook a little bit more than what could be ignored, but he still hoped that Donnie wouldn't notice.

 “A- a d-disgusting , broken piece of-” they coughed and gasped, but they still managed to spit out the words, “- useless tech.”

He seemed to be trying to claw his skin off, digging his claws into his skin like he wanted to turn himself into confetti. Leo gently grabbed his hands.

“Hey, Don? Can you tell me what you need..?”

Donnie looked into his eyes and he looked broken. His brother, his twin, the genius who pretended to be overconfident, just like Leo did, looked like he had given up. Given up like he had, like he was going to die.

“I- I n-need… to talk…” Donatello paused, like their brain was buffering, “...A-about what happened today…”

Leo nodded.

“I… i-it would be too much for Mikey, I think… Make sure he doesn’t hear..?”

Leo peeked out the door, only to come face to face with Mikey.

“Can you uhhhhh… make… some… soup…?” He just said the first thing he thought of, but he thought his slightly older twin would definitely appreciate soup right now.

“Sure! You want these?” He grinned, thrusting the two jackets towards Leo, who took them, shooing him off.

~~~

Donnie was pretty banged up after a fight with Meatsweats, who had gotten his hands on some kind of mutant with superstrength, somehow. Their brothers were all laughing and joking, but they had gone quiet. He was starting to fall behind them, a definitely sprained ankle requiring him to lean heavily on his bō staff, and slowing him down even further. He didn’t hear the men coming up behind him. His slow limp and the music he was using to distract himself gave him a disadvantage. The men hit him over the head with a baseball bat, hard, and he passed out.

He had woken up in a dark room on a wooden table, completely nude, legs spread an almost painful amount, arms tied underneath the table. There was an IV drip in his shoulder. His head felt like it was full of cotton balls. He could see two mutants in a corner, a green glow in front of them. They were speaking in a hushed tone. He could only make out bits and pieces of their conversation, only “...it’s… -ite… injections… hush…”, nothing even interpretable.

He struggled, only to find that moving hurt. His vision went fuzzy for a few moments, a headache’s low thrum pounding against his skull. He tried to suppress a quiet whimper at the pain, failing miserably.

The men turned around quickly, grabbing something from behind them, their faces surprised. One of them, a short, older looking fox, exclaimed, “You told me it would last for at least six hours!”

“W-Well… we should prolly finish it up then. Fast.” said a lanky, younger mutant who looked like he might have been a weasel.

They rushed over to him, holding a rusty device that looked somewhat like a bear trap.

“W-what are y-you going to do with that? ” he stuttered. He tried to back up, resulting in a low, pained groan.

The men grinned, and the younger mutant laughed, “Mhm… you’re gonna be fun~”  

~~~

Leo stopped.

His brother was lying, tied to a table, bleeding, shaking, crying. He was sweaty and flushed and begging two mutants on top of him to ’stop, please!’ and he was sobbing. And they were…

One of them said “It’s definitely pregnant now” and chuckled.

They were laughing. They were laughing about raping his brother.  

Leo hopped down from the rafters, landing behind them silently. He created a portal, felt the bubble of energy course through him, and pulled them through. He aimed the second portal at the wall, and they fell through sideways.

“Hot-” They couldn’t have even twitched before Leo had knocked the two of them out with the hilts of his katanas, “-Soup.”

Leo slowly approached Donnie who let out a quiet, frightened hissss.

“Hey, hey, hey…” Leo whispered, “Donnie, Donnie, it’s Leo…”

~~~

Someone was approaching Donnie, and he let out an involuntary hiss.

“Hey, hey, hey…” they whispered, “Donnie, Donnie, it’s Leo…”

He slowly opened his eyes, a whimper slipping through his lips. They saw Leo’s worried face above them. He felt his face get warm. How much had Leo seen?

He struggled against his bindings, the rough ropes rubbing painfully against his ankles and wrists, only adding to the awful pain he felt in his hips whenever he tried to move.

~~~

Mikey had grabbed two bowls of soup after his two middle brothers had gone silent, pushing a (hopefully convincing) grin onto his face while he entered the medbay. He looked at his brothers, huddled in the centre of the room on one of the cots and smiled, genuinely this time. At least they were talking about their problems, even if they were hiding them from him.

Donnie was wearing both hoodies, knees up to their chest, head cradled in their hands. Leo was next to them, arm around their shoulders.

Mikey walked up to the two of them, “Soup?”

“Pathetic.”

Chapter Text

“Soup?”

Donnie looked up to see Mikey smiling down at him.

“Mmm… Mhm…” Donatello looked at Leo, who had removed his arms from around them. Maybe he would be okay after all…

~~~

Leo had suggested going to Draxum for help only a half an hour later. Donnie, much to everyone’s surprise, took no absolutely convincing whatsoever. They all stared at him in silence for a moment.

“Despite my… discomfort… over Draxum being in the lair… or even near me at this time… he’s the only person who has the potential to… who would even potentially know how to respond to the situation at hand,” Donnie rubbed the back of his head. He couldn’t take care of this child. He didn’t want this. He had already lost one.

~~~

“Are you absolutely certain that there is no way to… get rid of… this child?” Leo gritted out to Baron Draxum, “I don’t think Don could… take this…”

“I promise if I knew of anything that wouldn’t kill him, I would tell you. I might have been an asshole before, but I’m not evil. ”

“You tried to kill all humans, and, and I cannot stress this enough, threw me off a roof,” Leon had let ‘Serious Doctor Leo’ slip for a second, for better or for worse.

Draxum’s face hardened. The rest of their conversation was uncomfortable and finished shortly after. Thankfully, he had decided to help.

“I’ll come back next week with the correct equipment, for a check-up,” He grumbled, “For now, though, can I speak to him? Alone?”  

~~~

“Oh. That isn’t good.” Dontello was not okay. But his scientific mind begged the question, “Why, though..?”

Draxum blinked.

“As in… Why would it kill me to abort this… these?” Donatello gestured down to his stomach area, looking up at the scientist curiously.

“Besides the fact that I don’t have and cannot get the right tools for surgery on a turtle?” Donnie rolled his eyes at that. He had stronger tools and more knowledge than anyone, even within his family, could even know. He had done laser eye surgery on himself at eight. Besides, they weren’t just a turtle. They were a mutant turtle.

“From what you told and showed me, you have been empregnated with mystic magic, and you cannot terminate a mystic pregnancy. For a multitude of reasons actually, but mostly because the foetus will be mystically protected. Since it needs a host to survive, it cannot be removed,” The ram yokai paused and looked at the curiously nodding Donatello, “That doesn’t mean you can just drink a bunch of caffeine or alcohol though, it will still effect it, and-”

“Does it protect the host?” Draxum stopped talking for a second to stare at Donnie incredulously, who took the pause as a ‘continue’, “You said, and I quote, ‘Since it needs a host to survive, it cannot be removed’. If the host is dead, the- it couldn’t survive either,”

Draxum looked at Donatello wide-eyed, “Who would reasonably come to that conclusion? You’re… yes. You are far smarter than I thought,”

Donnie, despite himself, blushed at the rare praise, a slight grin creeping up his face.

“To an extent, of course, it sustains its host, and, depending on the wound, they might be in debilitating pain for… until the birth,”

~~~

He had stumbled his way up to the roof of an apartment building late one night, staring down at the ground hundreds of feet below with disdain, “New York, what a town,”

Their brothers hadn’t let them on their missions in the past three days. He listened in on their conversations. They thought he might be too frail to safely come with them. 

They’re right. You’ve always been too fragile to come with them. They just have a reason that won’t hurt you as much, now.

The always moving streets of New York beckoned to them, but their own voice stopped him.

“You’ve got such a soft shell, Donatello”

Donnie turned around with a low growl, his eyes darting around to find the source of the noise as he dropped into a fight stance.

“Tsk tsk tsk” The voice was behind him again, their tone condescending, “Flighty, aren’t we? No wonder they only care about you for your tech~”

He looked back, and saw his own frame crouching in the shadows. In the blink of an eye, they were towering over him, still cloaked in shadow. He flinched back when the form reached down to caress his face.

“Don’t touch me!” The softshell gritted out, backing up a step.

A swift slap met their protest, resulting in a soft whimper from the small, purple coloured turtle.

“Hmm… that won’t do…” their sharp, white teeth gleamed down at him in his twin’s trademark grin.

Their tongue grazed the side of his face, sending a shiver down his spine. They dragged their claws down the back of his shell, easily pulling a pained cry out of the softshell as he arched his back away from the claws but towards the chest of the tall shadow.

Wait… I thought that I had my battle shell on.

Their chest was soothing and familiar with spiked edges, like Raph’s. They rested their hand on Donatello’s bleeding shell. It would be almost comforting if the deep cuts didn’t bring him so much pure agony.  

“Does that… hurt..?” The voice no longer seemed to be his own, bleeding together with that of his brothers in a way that overwhelmed the purple turtle.

Donatello nodded and, despite himself, buried his face in their chest. He let out a soft, pained cry when their arms wrapped around him, squeezing him almost tighter than he could handle, but he leaned into the touch nevertheless.

The shadow laughed maliciously, whispering things he had overheard from his brothers into his ears over the years. Things that had hurt. Things that their brothers hadn’t remembered. Things that he was still trying to make up for.

“I’m… I-I’m so sorry…” he looked up into the figure’s eyes, soft, bright, and youthful, like Mikey’s, and almost as mean.

“Sorry doesn’t mean anything if you’re still utterly useless to them. Sorry is worthless when you’ve fucked up so bad. Sorry is inconsequential when you can’t even defend yourself against a measly two attackers, even after they untied you. Useless. Worthless. Inconsequential. Meaningless,” The shadow spat, pushing Donatello to the ground.

“I-I’m Useless. Worthless. Inconsequential. Meaningless,” Donatello muttered to themself, pulling his knees to his chest.

The shadow approached him, switching form between himself and his family members. Raph told them they were weak . Mikey told them they were boring . Leo told them they were stupid. April told them they were a waste of space . Splinter, reaching out and cradling their face in his hands, called him a malfunctioning robot . He, himself, dragging his claws down their face, said they hated him even more than he hated himself, said that he was selfish for even thinking about jumping, said that he should finally just retreat to his lab forever, they would all be better off, they would all be happier, so softly, so tenderly, that it sounded like sweet nothings, sweet nothings that felt like thorns, driving their way into his heart.

His claws wandered down from Donatello’s face, sobs wracking his body, small, distressed chirps bubbling up between painful coughing and gagging.

~~~

Leo had come to bother Donnie, who was often awake until the early hours of the morning, only to see him on his floor in a small nest of blankets, whimpering, arching his back in pain.

They had both had nightmares since they were kids. Don’s had only gotten worse, while Leo’s got better, but he still got them from time to time, and this was one such time. Leo had woken up in a cold sweat after another dream about being stuck in the prison dimension (He was alone. He was all alone. They would never come for him. He would die here, or live here in pain forever) and needed comfort, and so he went to his twin. It looked like his twin might be the one who needed him, though.

He slowly approached them, “Don…?”

When his brother didn’t respond, he cautiously put his hand on their shoulder. Leo felt a thin layer of grime, and smelt a thinly veiled musk on his usually very cleanly twin brother. He cried out in pain, but he still leaned towards Leo’s hand.

“Does that hurt..?”

Donnie nodded weakly, but they wrapped themself around Leo’s arm like ivy.

“…‘M s’ry… so… sor…sorry…” Donnie whispered breathily, catching Leo off guard.

“Wh- why? You didn’t you didn’t do anything to me..?”

Donnie’s body seemed to go slack and he hissed, quietly, painfully, stuttering out,  “’m…us…less… w-worth…less… inc…n…s…equ…ial…mean-n-ningl’ss,”

“Woah there hermano- ” He paused- was Don even awake?

Donnie shook and shuddered and drew into himself, keening and chirping concerningly, in ways he hadn’t heard since they were kids.

“DON!” Leo shook Donnie, who woke up quickly, coughing and gagging, tears pouring down their masked face.

~~~

Donnie was not okay.

They were choking on their saliva, thoughts weak in the back of their mind.

They hate me. They would be better off if I jump. They think I’m weak. I’m weak. I’m weak. I’m weak. Weak. Useless. Weak. Worthless. Weak. Meaningless. Weak. Inconsequential. Weak.

“Stop that, Donatello,” He heard one of his brother’s voices. Shit. I can’t let them see me like this. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Don, I’ve been here for at least 15 minutes,” Leo’s voice. He had an obvious, obnoxious note of pity in his voice.

Or was it worry?

He pushed himself up onto his hands with a wince, asking groggily, “Wh-Why are you in m-my lab?”

Leo rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, “I- erm- I had a nightmare and thought that you might be up-” His face shifted, “…but… Donnie, are you okay..?”

Donatello took a deep breath and rubbed the tears out of his eyes- he had been crying?

“It was- it was j-just a nightmare,” Donnie stuttered. He rubbed his eyes again- why am I still crying? “I’m fine,”

“No. No, you’re not,” Leo looked him in the eyes seriously, “I was listening to you,”

Donatello broke eye contact to look down at his knees, picking at the tights he had taken to wearing. He scratched his shoulder. He avoided thinking about how much he had said, how much Leo might have heard. He avoided thinking about the uncomfortable feeling of dirt and grease and oil that he felt covering his skin. He avoided thinking about what was underneath his tights, how he could hardly look at himself without crying, without remembering what had happened to him. He avoided thinking about how he hadn’t eaten, hadn’t been hungry, since what had happened. He avoided thinking about the things he had made in that time- nothing useful for the family, to be sure, besides a few repairs on the tank. He avoided thinking about the small lumps he could see at his sides already. He, instead, focused all of his attention on the black tights that he was picking at, the plain purple tank top that was hanging a little ways over the edge of the tights, the comfort of just knowing that his brother was there.

“…Don? Donnie, have you been listening to me?”

He looked up into his brother’s concerned eyes and blinked slowly.

“…Yeesss..? Yes. I definitely was. Totally,”

Leo rolled his eyes and sighed, leaning towards Donnie with a grin and a small, laughter-filled churr. Donnie smiled back, but the smile didn’t seem to reach their eyes.

Leo’s smile faltered, “You know you can tell us what’s up, right…? You can tell me what’s up…”

Donnie looked back to his knees. He couldn’t.

“Of- of course, ‘Nardo. I trust you,”

“Then be honest with me. Are you or are you not thinking of committing suicide?” he seemed too serious, especially for having just been laughing. It caught Donnie off guard.

His breath caught.

“Are you… are you… m-mad at me..?” Donatello whispered.

“Mad?!” Leo looked baffled. Maybe he had… miscalculated? “Of course I’m not mad. Don, I’m worried about you… I may not be ‘Dr. Feelings’, but I notice when you’re not okay. Twin telepathy or some-such,”

“Leo- there’s no way out of this for me. It would be illogical to try,” Donnie’s voice shook, his mouth thinning out to a line.

~~~

But that doesn’t mean you’re okay, Don-Tron…

Leo sighed.

“Donnie…” He hoped his voice didn’t betray his mild exasperation, “Do… Do you want to go swimming?”

Chapter Text

Donatello didn’t spend much time swimming.

Leo was always better at taking care of himself in general. He had a dedicated day for, as Leo called it “hot bitch shit”, every week.

Donnie was the only one who hadn’t ever gone with him.

Thankfully, Leo didn’t mention that Donnie only took off his top, and how he even did that reluctantly, or the fact that you could just barely see his bones underneath his skin.

Donnie looked at his rippling reflection. He felt grody and kind of sticky. He smelled bad. He looked tired and was under-caffeinated.

Gross.

Donnie took a deep breath and dove into the crystalline water of a deep lake in the hidden city (hopefully elegantly). He kicked downwards a couple times before resurfacing. The cool water felt good on his legs.

“CANNON-BALL!” Leo jumped in, splashing some of the few people relaxing on the beach, including a tall rabbit in bright blue swim trunks, whose fur puffed up before he moved back about-

100ish feet, I’d say.

Leo popped up next to Donnie, who flinched a little bit before turning towards his grinning brother.

“It’s been a hot minute since you’ve been out!” Leo splashed Donnie.

They raised a water-proofed eyebrow at Leo, “I went out a few-”

Leo had a passing look of horror, over so quickly that Donatello decided he must have imagined it, quickly swapping it out for an eye-roll, “No, I mean, like, for pleasure. Not missions,”

“I enjoy going on missions,” Donnie bit back, “And I’m not just suddenly helpless ,”

It wasn’t fair to Leo, he realised, but it could be excused. He had been suffering from what was probably caffeine withdrawal and a hormonal imbalance. 

Still, he felt bad for raising his voice at his twin. He had gone out of his way to bring them here. He had stayed with them all night, despite their unwillingness to talk. He had stayed with them while they were hunched over the trash-bin, only painful bile burning its way out of their throat anymore.

Leo looked back down at the water, “Don-”

Donnie allowed himself to slip underneath the water.

How long can I stay like this? Can I even drown right now? I’ve not thought about it before…

Leo appeared in front of him soon afterwards, legs crossed. He was sinking like a rock.

He mouthed, ‘Really, Don?’

The soft-shell averted their eyes. They dove deeper into the dark waters.

The pressure felt almost oppressive, crushing him. He let the feeling consume him as he kicked his legs downward, the impossibly deep water beckoning.

He swam deeper and deeper into the dark abyss, until he thought that nobody could have even been near him.

~~~

Goddammit Dee

“Donnie I- aaaaannndd he’s gone,” Leo rolled his eyes and crossed his legs, quickly sinking down to their level.

‘Really Don?’

Donnie flipped over, swimming deeper into the water.

On one hand I should follow him. On the other hand, I want to flirt with that rabbit I saw on the beach.

After a few seconds of debate, he followed his brother. The soft purple glow of Donnie’s battle shell was the only reason Leo could even see him.

~~~

Donnie was leaning heavily on Leo, wrapped in a blanket.

He was trying not to throw up the whole walk home, and whined a little bit with every step. Tears were still pouring out of their eyes and they were spouting small apologies and other, incomprehensible, (even to themself) words. His body was tense and stiff, and even the smallest movements sending shivers down his spine. Leo had put his arm around them, rubbing small, comforting circles into their shoulders.

They were stopped a few times by well-meaning yokai while they were heading through the hidden city, despite keeping to the shadows. Leo had rushed away, smiling nervously or laughing uncomfortably and waving them away. A few of them insisted, or tried following them, but a tired glare would scare them away.

Am I scary? I feel the opposite of scary. I’m scared.  

Donatello was tapping his leg lightly with his fingers, if only to make sure he was still there. He hadn’t passed away, hadn’t somehow fallen asleep in the middle of his torture. And they took in every detail, every paving, every sign, every tree. They couldn't risk falling asleep, fainting, so they took note of everything.

Did I deserve this? I probably did. I must be bad.

His knees nearly gave way underneath him.

He was lucky that Leo was there.

He was so lucky.

I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve any of them.

Drip…Drip…Drip…

~~~

Donnie was crying.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Don't touch me. Don't come near me. please . Don’t. Touch. Me.

Nobody could tell. He was fine. He was all alone. And nobody could touch him.

He floated on his back. His eyes were closed, and he focused his mind. His body wasn’t real, his mind was disconnected, he could just- think.

It was a familiar feeling, but not a usual one. It gave him a creeping feeling, like something was crawling up his shell.

Breath in. Breath out.

He had been bombarded with all the information in the entire universe, but he couldn’t remember much of it now. He really didn’t remember anything, compared to the vast knowledge he had thought that he had obtained. He had lost so much, so much more than he had gained. He was imperfect once again.

Breath in.

They were once again themself, physical form intact, being prodded on the beach by their brother.

Breath out.

“Sigh. Leonardo, what are you doing?”

“You passed out down there hermano,” Leo raised a non-existent eyebrow, “Ya good? Have an iron deficiency or something?”

“Gasp! I was obviously… meditating…?” Donnie lied. He didn’t know what he was actually doing.

“Yeah, sure,” Leo rolled his eyes, “Aaaaaanyways, we’re going to lunch now,”

Donnie frowned. He didn’t feel hungry.

“I met a hot guy on the beach and he invited us to lunch,” His twin whispered, a pleading look in his eyes, “How could I say no?”

“Ugh. Fine. But I’m not paying!” He said with a playful grin, “Did you end up getting his number?”

“Hell yeah I did!” Leo’s eyes lit up.

~~~

Leo gushed over the boy he met until they were apparently in his range of hearing, at which point he pointed him out and giggled like a schoolgirl.

Emotionally unavailable bad-boy time.

Donnie made his face blank…er. He dropped into his normal low monotone, and sighed. He relaxed his posture.

They held their hand out, “Donatello,”

He gave Donnie a smile and a nod. They dropped their hand, nodding in return.

Donnie noticed his eyes wander down and coughed, covering his lower abdomen, “Erm- Leon, where’d you put my tank-top?”

~~~

After picking at his lunch for about 15 minutes, Donnie excused himself. His brother would have more fun without him. Besides, he had a few errands to run around the hidden city. It was more a matter of convenience, really.

He wandered out onto the bustling hidden-city streets. Loud, colourful, a truly hellish place.

He heard snippets of conversations.

‘...ma seems angry…’

‘She’s upset…’

‘...the nexus…’

‘...Kraken Tom!’

Donnie gritted his teeth. Too loud. Thank The Big Pizza in The Sky for noise cancelling headphones. He put his headphones back on over his mask, smiling at the comfortable familiarity of their weight.

Ah, quiet bliss

He pulled out his phone, starting music.

He nodded to the music as he went about his tasks, making a mental list as he went along.

I want a new blanket.

He found himself interested in stuffed animals, pillows, and other things that he would usually get for Raph. They were all, of course, in varying shades of Donnie’s signature purple.

He blinked, rubbing his arms. He needed to get his head back in the game. He needed to get…

Painkillers… caffeine pills… insulated wires… and a gift for Leo.

His birthday was coming up soon. He had to do something. And his usual gifts were… bad. When they weren’t failures, that is. Maybe comics would do the trick…

~~~

He had gotten… a little bit carried away.

It was almost two hours later when Leo finally found him, and Donnie had left the fifth store he had gone into with a new, completely full bag. He hadn’t gotten any of what he was looking for, either, just five bags packed full of stuffed animals, squishmallows, comfy blankets, fluffy pillows and, most embarrassing (in his opinion), a shit ton of baby stuff. He spent almost $600 on it all.

~~~

Leo found his twin drooling over a green dinosaur onesie on a rack outside of a baby store.

He had waved goodbye to his date, a tall, hot, lizard yokai with a job as a bodyguard named Andrew, who had given him a kiss as he was leaving. He almost fainted.

OmigoshOmigoshOmigosh! He kissed me!

He looked in the direction he had seen Donnie go, and started heading that way.

It didn’t take very long to find him, wearing five bags on his arms with stars in his eyes, grinning like an idiot. Leo lightly tapped his arm.

Donnie turned around quickly, and a look of fear passed across his face, replaced with a mix of joy and a little bit of embarrassment. He smiled and flapped his hands happily.

“Leo! Leo look at this!” He pointed at a dark green onesie with black spikes running down the back, “Leo, isn’t it so cute?”

Donnie grabbed his arm, beaming at him.

“Yeah, bro-” Leo looked over the top of one of his  bags, to find it almost overflowing with blankets. The other two bags on that arm were filled with plush toys, onesies, blocks, and what was probably a mobile. Leo gestured broadly to his brother, a hint of a playful smile on his face, “What’s all this..?”

His brother blushed a dark green, laughing uncomfortably, “Whatever could you mean, ‘Nardo? I’m just shopping,”

“So… you got everything that you needed, then?” Leon laughed.

“...Yes,” Dee’s eyes shifted, and his posture changed, shoulders hunching into themselves, arms trying to cross. Leo found that worrying in and of itself, but, if he didn’t know better, he’d say that the way he blinked hinted that he was holding back tears.

“Hey, Don, uhhh…” Leo offered his hand out to his twin, “You know we can like- go get whatever it was that you needed- together, right dude? I don’t mind,”

Donnie, somewhat reluctantly, leaned towards his touch.

“Y-yeah, whatever,” Donnie shifted again, his voice falling into a soft, quivering tone.

~~~

Donatello rested their head on Leo’s shoulder. They wiped their eyes underneath their mask.

“Hey, Don?” Leo nudged him, and they looked up at him, “What do you need?”

“Urm…” Donnie had to think about it for a second, “Well, the drugstore is the closest… from there I need…”

~~~

Donnie jolted to a halt.

He extended his arm protectively in front of Leo.

“Don- what are you…” Leo trailed off. He saw them too.

The two yokai were approaching him. They were looking right at him, grinning and licking their lips.

The weasel got to the softshell first, snaking his arms underneath his tank top, gently pressing his sides. Donatello tensed, but he didn’t back away. He let out a quiet whimper when the yokai pressed harder.

“Why are you touching me..?”

He made eye contact with Leo. He seemed to break out of a trance, finally blinking.

Donnie’s brow furrowed as he looked back at the weasel. His eyes glinted predatorily. Donatello inhaled sharply. His breathing pattern quickened. Tears prickled at the corners of their eyes. He felt ill.

Let go of me. Let go of me! Move, you moron. You’re a highly trained ninja, a genius, and you’re frozen because of this? MOVE!

But all he could do was glance back at Leo. 

Leo looked angry. He pulled out his katanas, raising them to the weasel’s neck.

He growled, “If you want to leave with your life, you will back away from my brother,”

~~~

Leo was furious. He whipped out his katanas, raising them to his opponent’s neck.

He growled, “If you want to leave with your life, you will back away from my brother,”

He looked at the trembling form of his brother, who let out a low, terrified hiss that would’ve been inaudible to any non-turtle.

That only added to his anger. His breathing became heavy, and he let out an angry tsssss.

“Woah, b-buddy- We can uhh… we can t-talk about this!” the weasel squeaked.

Leo felt something at his throat. He growled lowly, glancing behind him to see the yellow eyed wolf.

“And if you don’t want my claws through your neck, you’ll drop your weapons,”

“Could say we’re- neck-and-neck?” Leo clicked.

A groan from everybody, (including Donnie, he realised) only made him smirk.

~~~

He slipped easily out of the weasel's grasp.

Gods. It was really that easy.

Donatello shook his head. Now was not the time.

He slipped behind the wolf, a maniacal grin on his face. A soft hiss escaped his lips as he brought his bō staff, now closer to a huge hammer, down on his head. He giggled madly at the horrified look on the weasel.

“Want some?” The yokai frantically shook his head, “Then get the fuck away from my brother and my kids!”

He picked up his slowly crawling comrade, rushing away.

Donnie watched them until they had gone out of sight, still smiling hazily, his goggles flipped over his eyes.

He crumbled into his brother's arms, retracting his bō before turning to cry into his brother’s chest.

His brother hesitantly put his arm around him, patting his back.

“Let’s- let’s go home, ‘Tello,”

Chapter Text

Why?

Donatello contemplated the question as he stalked across his room. Why what?

Why me?

He could still feel their hands, feel their sweaty bodies against his own as his shell was ground into the table beneath him.

He took another drag of his joint.

Leo would throw a fit. I’m supposed to be sleeping.

He was pretty sure he had the rest of the night alone, though, and he needed some stress relief.

He would have been working if the last thing he had made hadn’t been the equivalent of an incubator. He wanted to try to forget, while he had the chance. He thrummed his fingers against his thigh mindlessly with his free hand.

He probably shouldn’t, either.

He giggled, relaxing back into his desk chair, picking idly at the bandages around his chest and shell. Why should they care?

Maybe I should've joined movie night. I’m hungry.

He heard a familiar sound above him, one he couldn’t quite place. He donned his spider shell to follow the noise, before seeing the face of an old friend.

He beamed, “S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N?”

~~~

Raph looked worried.

“Big bro senses tingling or some, hermano ?” Leo leaned his head on his hand, elbows resting on the edge of Splinter’s chair.

Raph wrung his hands, “It’s prolly nuthin’. Raph’s jus’... You sure Don’s not in ‘is lab, Leo?”

He sighed and nodded, “No yeah , I made him promise that if he wasn’t going to join us for dinner, he wouldn’t just stay up in his lab ‘til he passed out. He seemed muy consado, though. Practically collapsed as soon as he got to his room,"

Raph still looked worried, “It’s jus’… I dunno… maybe we shouldnta let ‘im skip dinner again? He’s been lookin’ a lil thin recently…”

Leo glanced back towards Donnie’s room for a second.

Don says It’s a pregnancy thing… but I don’t think he’s told Raph yet.

“Really? I uhhh- didn’t notice…”

Mikey popped his head in from the kitchen, “You’re just worryin’ yoself, Raph! At least Don’s willin’ly sleepin’. He could use a little change a’ scenery, though,”

“Well, we’ll make him eat with us mañana ,” Leo smiled broadly, hoping he hid his worry.

He bounced his leg apprehensively, chewing at the inside of his lip.

It had been nearly a week since Leo had seen Donnie eat food, and his already mostly uneaten leftovers hadn’t even been touched. He looked downright anorexic.

His twin already had seemingly disordered eating, even before what happened. Of course, Leo believed him when he said that he was eating, both pre- and ante-partum, he trusted his brother, but it was honestly worrying at this point.

He felt the urge to check on his brother pull on him again. Maybe he should make Don eat dinner and watch Jupiter Jim with them.

“Do you wanna check on him with me, Raph?” Leo sighed, standing up and straightening his back.

He rubbed at the back of his head, “I- uhh… I was gonna go anyway…”

Leo swung his way out of their living room while Raph rambled at him, “He’s been actin’ a little weird too… all- jumpy, n’ shaky, y’know? More ‘n normal, anyway,”

“...yup…” He had noticed, of course.

Maybe I should tell Raph. Donnie should’ve told him already.

They got to Donnie’s room, and Raph gently knocked on his door, “Don? Ya awake?”

They heard a quiet giggle from behind the door.

Odd…

“Don, we’re comin’ in,”

They pushed on the (locked) door.

Leo groaned, “Hey, uh… unlock the door, por favor? ”

Don chirped from behind the door, “heehee… whyyyy should I?”

“Dee. Open the door. We’re just worried,” 

“Fiiinnnneeee!” and they heard the door click open.

Well. That was easy.

The lights in his room were dim. They looked around, failing to find Don. Leo scrunched his nose at a skunky smell.

Weed? I swear-

They heard another giggle from above them, before the genius extended from the ceiling upside-down, with the help of his ‘spider-shell’. His goggles were flipped down, a smile spread across his usually hard-to-read face.

“Whatcha need?”

“Just wanted to…. Hang out?” Leo snickered.

“Don, ‘ave- why- are you smokin’?” Raph blinked.

“Nop- hmm?” Donnie looked off to his side suddenly, “No, No, I- I’m trying to talk to Leon, Shelldon. Seriousl- Sh-”

He slapped his twin, “Donatello, if your high- consider the health risks, ”

“I’m noooottttt!” he churred, before putting on a mock serious face, “Besides, it’s onlyyyy one, I’m sure it won’t affect them,”

“ Estúpido- still, Donnie. I- I know you’re- jeez, Don,” He pinched his brow, “I know you don’t want this, I understand why, and I’d feel the same. But you’re stuck with them, and, as the medic I don’t think either of us wants to deal with the consequences ,”

~~~

A soft giggle escaped his mouth yet again.

“It’s not funny-”

“And I don’t care, twinnie,” Donnie purred, putting a mechanical hand on Leo’s shoulder, “You think I didn’t do the research? You know me better than that!”

“Don..? W- what’re ya talkin’ about?” Raph cut in, “Are ya- Raph don’t like that you’re smokin’, but-”

“Welllllll, dear Raphela, I’m pregnant ,” Donatello’s smile only barely faltered as they teetered on their feet, “Annnn’ I have been forrr…. Twooo… weeks..?”

Leo’s face fell, “…One and a half…”

“An’ Why din’t you tell me, Leo?” Raph ground his teeth, “Or Donnie?”

The softshell shrugged nonchalantly, “I dunno,”

“We’ll talk about this when Don’s sober, ‘kay Raph?” Leo laughed nervously, drumming his fingers against the metal table loudly.

“You’re gon’ join us for dinner,” Raph grabbed Donatello’s shoulder, “C’mon Leo,”

Donnie hissed, slipping from his grasp like water, “I was coming anyways, dearest brother,” he shifted towards the door, dancing lightly around the two of them, “No need ta get tooooo close,” He shrugged on a soft grey cardigan, chittering softly, “‘M getting the munchies!”

~~~

Mikey hummed as he worked, finishing sautéing the vegetables. He had made enough for all four of them, even though he knew Donnie wouldn’t eat the leftovers. He could still hope, though.

He was almost done, tossing the chicken in with the vegetables.

Tapping the tips of his fingers together nervously, the box turtle hummed to himself.

I really should’ve made him come tonight. A bit of comfort food would probably help. Food would probably help. He probably hasn’t eaten since Leo took him out.

He clicked his tongue, plating four meals by force of habit. He heard stomping from the living room, footsteps that he recognised as Raph’s. He also heard Leo’s gait, quick, characteristic, and flamboyant. Oddly enough he heard the third set of steps, a theatrical, musical dance which his second middle brother only had in his best moods. He smiled widely.

An angry Raph shattered the budding joy, jolting him away from his thoughts “MIKEY!”

He couldn’t be angry at me, right?

“MIKEY, COME ‘ERE PLEASE!”

“Gimme just a sec, Raph!” He yelled back, garnishing the plate and grabbing forks, “Dinner’s almost ready!”

He heard a low giggle from his smartest brother as he stepped in, balancing four plates on his arms. He slipped the plates onto a small, empty spot on the floor, and turned to face his brothers.

Immediately, he observed a few things. His oldest brother was furious. His stripey middle brother, too, looked upset, but more sad, or nervous, or, from his softly thrumming fingers, averted eyes, slightly flushed face and tapping toes, embarrassed. His other middle brother, wearing a grey sweater that hung loosely off his boney body, had a relaxed air, and, though his eyes were red as if he had been crying, he had a small, mostly unforced smile on his face, and wholly exhausted body language. What was going on?

“G-guys?”

“Oooooh! What’s that smell?” Donnie made an exaggerated smelling motion, “It’s wonderful! I can’t wait to try it!”

~~~

It usually took a while for Donnie to sober up, but he had already been coming down from his high when he was dragged out to dinner.

Dinner was tense. It felt tenser when Donnie had a clear head. He almost cried, sitting there on the floor, mourning the loss of the son he had hallucinated . He couldn’t even manage to finish the tiny plate of food in front of him. And his quiet shaking would alert his family eventually.

He was crying.

Shit.

It took a while for his brothers to notice, which he thanked every god for, but it took even longer than usual. About ten minutes and twenty-five seconds longer than usual, actually.

Curious.

“Don? Are- are you cryin’?” Mikey was the first person to notice, of course.

“N-no. Definitely not. I’m practically glowing with joy!” it came out too loud, despite his attempts to keep his voice down.

“Don. We needa ‘ave a conversation,”

“Oh. Y-yeah. Right.”

There was a moment of quiet for Donatello to wipe his eyes and stand up. He looked at his brothers’ unhappy faces, gently rubbing his arms in a futile attempt to self-soothe.

“WHY THE HELL DIN’T YOU TELL US?!” Raph was- upset .

He jumped back, pressing his shell against the wall, “I- I don’t know- I just-”

“ Bullshit ya ' don’ know'” Donnie shuddered.

"I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I wanna know why you didn't tell us! We're brothers!" He hissed, “Why don’ ya trust us?”

“Uh- I-”

“How did this even HAPPEN?!” Donnie just squeezed his eyes shut, and shook his head.

He glanced towards his twin, then Mikey, who gently placed a hand on Raph’s arm.

Raph shrugged it off, opting to continue yelling.

“An’ how long ‘ave ya been smokin’?!”

“I- I haven’t- It’s the first time in almost a month but-”

“An’ wut did Leo mean ‘health risks’?”

Leo cut in there, though, it didn’t help Donnie much, “A greater risk of stillbirth, Preterm birth- for a human, that might mean being born before 37 weeks of gestation, but we aren’t sure for Donnie, or Low birth weight are all possibilities, among other things,”

Raph blinked.

And then he kept yelling, til Donnie’s ears rang and he could only make out his own thoughts.

Stop

Help

Leave

Run

Stop yelling

Shut up

Get away

Run away

Hide

Run

Help

He dully realised that his other brothers were talking to Raph, calming him down as a hazy upset grew within Donnie.

Why? Why should I tell you? It won’t help anything.

His family came back into focus. No-one was happy, they didn’t have to be an empath to understand that, and Raph’s fists were still clenched, Mikey’s eyes still darting around in anxiety-ridden melancholy, and Leo’s fingers still thrumming against his upper thigh.

“What do you want?” He said in a cold, dead, voice.

"I think ya owe us- " Raph gestured to himself and Mikey, gritting his teeth, "-an explanation, Don ,"

“... owe you?” Donatello muttered, dangerously, “Oho, I owe you something?”

“ I do everything around here, and I owe you something?” They looked around with a malignant nonchalance, moving from one brother to the next.

“Mikey… Mikey, I can’t seem to hold a grudge against you, little brother…”

“Leo. I’ve had to fix every piece of technology you have ever owned, had to make an anti-virus specifically and only for you, for… reasons… and I’ve had to fix your skateboard three times in the past month alone,” Leo’s yelp of protest did nothing to slow Donnie down.

“And Raph. Raphael, I’ve had to fix every piece of technology you’ve ever punched, sat on, kicked or, and this is the worst, fallen asleep on. You’ve broken the fridge more times than I can count- wait, actually-” he pulled up his sleeve, and found a counter on his wrist-tech, “14,082 times over the past ten years, and… 12 over the past month. It’s the 15th,”

“And that’s just what I’ve done for specific people! That’s not mentioning all of the tech I’ve made for you. The tank. S.H- mh. The projector. I personally made the entire bathroom. I add little details to everything I make for you. And I owe you something,” They growled, the whole of their body shaking, “I don’t OWE you AN-Y-THING!”

Donnie yelled, temper finally getting the best of him, "But you know what? I'll- I'll tell you. When I was kidnapped, they raped me and then they used mystic powers to make me pregnant. Is that enough? Or do you want me to go into gory detail?"

The softshell shook, glaring angrily at Raph's shocked face before he stormed out, pulling his sweater closed as he left, "I'll be in my room. Don't follow me,"

Chapter Text

Donnie was angry.

At themself.

I’m a bad person. What the hell is wrong with me, yelling at my brothers like that. I should’ve just told them. I shouldn't have smoked that cannabis. I shouldn’t have waited so long. They shouldn’t have had to push. I owe them. They’re my brothers. They had a right to yell like that.

They scrubbed at their face. Knowing that their brothers would be coming to check on them really only made everything worse.

Donnie rocked on his bed, staring at the blank wall in front of him

Knock Knock Knock

Just on time.

“Come in. It’s unlocked,” His voice was dull and flat.

The door creaked open. Quiet footsteps followed.

It can’t be Raph.

He didn’t turn around.

“Heyyyy, Don…” His sister said from behind him, “Are you doin’ okay…?”

Well. I didn’t expect April.

They snorted in response. Usually that wouldn’t be enough for April, but she seemed to accept it from him today.

“The uh… the boys say they’re sorry,” she said, dragging his desk chair over next to his bed, “Wanna tell me what happened?”

He shook his head, before sighing, “I snapped at my brothers because Raph wanted to know what happened,”

He paused for a second, holding tears back, and forced out the words, “…I-I’m…sorry-”

He knew he would have to do better, but this would suffice for now.

“Boy- You’re sorry? The boys were insisting that they did something wrong. They wouldn’t tell me why, but they seemed a little bit spooked,”

Donnie froze, turning around to face his big sister, “Scared?”

“Yeah, i guess-”

“W- just tell them that I’m sorry. Can we talk about something else, please?” Donnie curled back into themself, “I don’t really feel great,”

April thought for a second, “Yeah, okay. What do you wanna talk about?”

“Well, I- I ended up applying for HCC- I’m, uhm, waiting on the letter of acceptance though…”

~~~

“Do ya think he’ll even wanna be in the same room as me?”

“I dunno Raph,” Leo sighed, wilting, “I really should’ve told you, man. Or made Don tell you,”

Mikey scratched at the paper inattentively, lightly sketching his brothers, “He’ll forgive you,”

They both turned to look at him in surprise.

“Ya sure?”

“Mmmhm,” he tapped the back of his pencil on his sketchpad, trying to get a feel of Leo’s pose, “Just gotta go talk ta him Raph,”

“Okay…”

He shooed Raph off with a reassuring smile before looking at Leo expectantly, “Leo?”

He sighed, “I guess I should prolly go too. You comin’ with?”

Mikey nodded, closing his sketchbook.

He was worried about his big brother, and he had to make sure he was okay.

When they got to the door, Raph was just standing there. His hand hovered over the door, poised to knock.

~~~

Donnie had calmed down somewhat, wrapped in a weighted blanket with his head on April’s shoulder, talking about college. Tears still pricked at the soft-shell’s eyes, but his voice was flat enough, and he probably wouldn’t embarrass himself if he left his room.

He heard a heavy knock on his door.

“It’s unlocked!”

“Do ya wanna see me…?” said his eldest brother’s hurt voice.

I hurt people. I’m bad, terrible.

“Sure… Yeah,”

He looked up at Leo, Mikey and Raph.

And promptly burst into tears.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you- A-and I’m sorry for snapping like that and-” They stood up, suddenly throwing themself into Raph, dragging his other brothers into the awkward hug with the arms on his shell “I-I’m sorry,”

Raph didn’t hug him back.

No. Nononono. He hates me. He’ll never want to see me again. They don’t owe me anything. I owe them everything. They’re gonna kick me out. 
“No, Dee, I shouldnta yelled at ya- and-” Raph was shaking, but he finally hugged back, “Don- I’m- I’m so sorry that happened to ya-”

Pity. Fuck that.

“Y’know, it’s kinda weird to see you cry,” Mikey said with a quiet laugh, almost to himself.

Donnie sniffled, burying his face into the chest of his older brother, “Pregnancy hormones?”

“They’re all fucky-wucky?”

“Yeah, ‘Nardo… alllll fucky-wucky,” He smiled, pulling away from the hug, “I’m, umh… I’m still sorry. And I- I shouldn’t have been smoking,”

“We can talk about that later, right?” Raph gave a shaky smile.

April stood up to join the rest of the family.

Then Donnie heard a second set of soft footsteps shuffling past. He froze. He hadn’t even thought about Splinter.

“My sons, what is going on here?” Their father looked into his room, “Purple?”

“F-Father-?”

Oh gods, oh gods, I’m going to crumble again, I’m going to crack and fall apart again, I’m going to disappoint father, I’m going to-

His father gently took his hands, “You are shaking, Purple! Are you well?”

No, no I’m not, I’m not, everything is still bad.

“I’m fine, dearest papa, I’m not freaking out and still a few seconds from breaking down again, definitely not, I’m fine, I’m totally fine!”

The rest of his family had backed away, leaving him, metaphorically, alone. Alone, with his father, still crumbling like dust despite the way he had already cracked.

They kneeled down in front of their father, who took their face in his hands.

Malfunctioning robot. Unfeeling monster.

“What is wrong, Donatello?”

And that truly broke the floodgates. His father, saying his name , broke him again .

He let tears stream down his face for the billionth time since the incident, finally letting everything out, spilling his guts for everyone in the room to see, letting himself feel.

~~~

The fight.

They were on patrol, all four of them together. They had just met up to check in. Nothing interesting, of course, it had been a while since anything interesting. The Kraang’s attack had shaken everyone up, and even the most relentless of villains had lost most of their villian-y jazz.

Hypno and that worm guy were on their honeymoon, and The Foot were starting up a cupcake business, the Sando Brothers had been trying to start some sort of performing business, and Ghostbear was just gone. Even Big Mama was leaving them alone.

Meatsweats was seemingly still bitter, though.

Meatsweats had gotten his hands on a mutant or Yokai with superstrength. They were some sort of giant ant that Donatello had watched be just drained and thrown away, dead on the ground. He shivered.

Note to self; Don’t go near that arm.

Donnnie had been fighting with all his might, but Meatsweats seemed to be aiming at him.

He was hit by rocks, slammed into walls and buried by rubble innumerable times.

They still beat him with relative ease. 

None of them were too seriously injured.

Except for Donnie.

He could almost hear his head pounding, his ankle hurt like hell, and he was bleeding from a number of minor wounds covering his body.

And those were the circumstances for

The kidnapping.

He was snuck up behind, and his family didn’t notice. He didn’t either. He was busy leaning on his bō staff, listening to music, limping quickly behind his brothers in an unsuccessful attempt to keep up.

Then they were behind him, right behind him, detectably behind him. They hit him over the head and, before he could make any sounds, he passed out.

Then there was

The rape.

They had him tied to a table, uncomfortably open, without his tech. There was an IV drip in their arm, and it hurt . His head hurt. His everything hurt.

He saw them , an old fox and a young, thin weasel, working with glowing green ooze.

He whimpered softly. They rushed towards him.

They injected him with the ooze. They brought out what looked like a magically imbued rusty bear trap. Hard, painful bites covered his body filling him with mystic magic. He felt it bubble all over his body, before centering uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. They explained what was happening to him the whole time, and every time he reacted they just smiled, excited looks every time he tried to fight back in small ways. His pain, his fear, it brought them pleasure.

They untied him, and he tried to run, run, run. But they were too fast. He was too slow. His mind was still just fluff, his legs shaky and near unusable, his body bloodied and downed.

Then

they

were

on

top

of

him.

They pinned him and pushed into him. They snickered and laughed and smirked as he begged for them to stop, get off of me, please, I’ll do anything. They tore his insides open, they filled him, and he gave them what they wanted. Then they used him more.

Is it real? It brought me pleasure. Pain. Pleasure.

The rescue.

The yokai kept going.

It felt like forever.

Leo saved him.

How much did he see?

His body was still unknowably sensitive. It felt useless, worn, and every movement seared. Blood dripped slowly down from between his legs. He sobbed an apology.

Why did he even come? They don’t need me. I’m the weak link. They should’ve left me.

He leant heavily on Leo as they walked to the nearest exit to the surface. Donnie had said he didn’t want to teleport. Leo agreed.

I’m too demanding.

He had to sit down a few times. He asked twice. He almost fainted seven times. He sat down twice.

He threw up once.

I’m disgusting.

When they got home, he was sat down on a cot in the medbay, despondently answering questions until he lashed out.

The aftermath.

He had taken two showers since the incident.

He just couldn’t stand to see his body.

He could still see them. Feel them. Hear them. He could almost taste their tongues coiling around his.

It felt gross. He felt gross.

The first one right after he stormed out of the medbay. He felt dirty. He needed to clean off, to get them off of him.

When he found out he was pregnant, he cried. He threw up. April helped. She got him through it. She comforted him.

But his nightmares. They were bad. They always were. They hurt, they hurt, they hurt, and he felt them afterwards.

Mentally.

Physically.

Same difference. 

And they were getting worse.

He couldn’t create. He didn’t want. He was empty.

He had gone out.

He shouldn’t have.

He saw them again.

They touched him.

And he couldn’t fight back. He froze.

He usually didn’t smoke but he couldn’t relax, and so he tried something that usually relaxed him.

But he saw his S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.

His ‘son’.

His dead ‘child’ who he basically killed.

And he hallucinated him.

And then Raph and Leo saw him.

And they were upset.

And they yelled.

And he yelled back.

He lashed out like a fucking child. Like a useless, broken animal who couldn’t use the logic that was all he was worth.

The second shower was right after their argument .

He was unclean. He was a monster. He hurt people. He should just disappear. He should just die .

~~~

Everyone was staring.

My head hurts. Hm.

It was like they were all frozen. He understood, in theory. None of them knew the whole story. What he had been thinking. How he felt.

“…I’m sorry for dropping all of that on you guys…”

That broke their trance.

Mikey started crying. He looked like he was trying to hide it.

April looked like she wanted to try to comfort Donatello.

No touching.

Raph was harder to read. He was trying to stay strong for Donnie, though. That much he was sure of.

Leo had moved closer to Donnie. His hand was hovering over Donnie’s shoulder. His face was a mix of anger, sadness, and disgust.

Is he disgusted by me?

Splinter was unreadable. His depressive father was still just staring at him.

Donnie was shaking, still, but- he was okay. He could do some damage control, starting with the person in front of him.

“I uh- I never thought I’d be the first one to give you grandkids,” Donnie chuckled softly, picking a hole into his tights, “What do you think I should name them?”

“I will kill them,” Splinter muttered darkly.

“ Wh - What?”

“Those people. Those monsters, ” He got louder, straightening his back, “Where did you say that you had last seen them?”

“Dad,”

He cracked his back, “The hidden city, correct?”

“Dad?”

“I’ll see if Draxum will help me!” Splinter blew him off, “I’m sure he-”

“DAD!”

“Hm?”

“If they’re going to die, it will be by my hand,” He took a second to look around at the shocked faces of his family, “And I don’t particularly want them dead. So let me deal with it, ‘kay?”

Eugh. That went… worse than expected.

“We should prolly report this to the hidden city’s police, huh?” Leo finally decided on putting a hand on their shoulder.

Donnie sighed. Today was a lot.

“Ya haven’t already reported ‘em?” …And Raph is getting loud again.

Donatello just rubbed his arm.

“We uh- I didn’t think of it til just now-” Leo jumped in to defend Donnie- and more likely, himself, “-be-he sides! It’s been a stressful week and a half-”

Wow. A week and a half.

It’s felt like a lot longer. And, honestly, a lot shorter, too. Huh.

I should probably check on ‘them’ again. I think I fixed the glowy problem, too.

My head still hurts. I should definitely tell Leo about that.

Archimedes… That’d be a nice name, I think. Or Donnie Jr. Or… April… Effy… Albert… Antoinette… Aoi…

“Dee, you okay? You’ve got your, uh, deadface on,” He snapped his head up towards Mikey.

“Mh? Sorry, Mikes. I just spaced,” He spent little energy, but he did try to make his face a little softer, “I’m a bit…” he gestured vaguely to his face.

Raph and Leo had moved over to keep arguing, as per usual, so Mikey rested his head on Donnie’s shoulder, and April had moved next to Splinter, who was still muttering threats underneath his breath.

Donnie rubbed his thigh and went back to picking at his leggings. He registered April’s hand on his leg as he rocked gently. He pulled out his phone with one of his shell-arms.

Their music didn’t comfort them as much as usual. In fact, it was stressing them out even more.

And the air itself seemed to become thick, pressing in on him heavily. They curled in on themself, the people around them disappearing within the darkness creeping into their vision.

I feel kinda light-headed

He heard part of the argument his leader- his twin, his brother, the medic- and older brother were having.

“But- he’s okay! Right, Donnie?”

“…Don?”

“Dee,”

“Purple!”

“B…k up, y’all! …’s no… ay…!”

Chapter Text

~~~

Donnie hugged his knees close to his chest. A weighted blanket wrapped around his body, a soft black hoodie underneath, over one of his battle shells.

My head hurts

His cheek squished against one of his pillows. There was a spot of oil there. He hadn’t left his room for at least three days. He’d only left his bed a few times, once to grab his laptop, every other time to cut long, bloody slices from his shoulders, his thighs, his wrists.

He hadn’t spoken, either.

Whenever anyone checked on him, he was ‘sleeping’.

He did fall asleep at some point, he woke up to Leo on the floor, sleeping next to him.

Now, though, he felt cooped up. He checked the time on his phone.

5:30 AM [####] ##th   🪫20%

Oh. Five days.

He stood up slowly and stretched. He felt his back crunch satisfyingly. He grabbed a towel and a fresh set of clothes walked to the bathroom.

He passed his brothers warming up for training.

I should join them!

They took a quick shower, eyes closed, and got dressed.

They got out just before the other three finished.

Everyone looked up at Donnie as soon as he walked into the room.

He smiled and got out a yoga mat to start stretching while the others crowded around him.

It actually felt great, doing something after days of sitting in bed.

“Don-Tron! Are you okay?” Leo was the first one to say anything he could actually comprehend, “Have you eaten? You look like you haven’t been outside in a week-”

“Nope! I should exercise first, though,” His voice rasped a little bit.

Not as bad as he would’ve thought.

“An’ you’re willinly training?”

“Maybe Leo’s ‘Demon Possession’ theory was right-” Mikey giggled nervously, before dropping into one of his many personas, “Ehem. You aren’t going to continue training until you take care of yourself!”

“I took a shower! And I’m only going to stretch and hopefully go for a jog on the surface. Then I’ll eat or whatever. Okay?”

His brothers exchanged looks as he finished, “…fine,”

Donnie smiled to himself as he pulled his hood up. It had been a while since he had done any training.

He turned on music.

He felt great!

My head hurts

~~~

They had started to get worried at 30 minutes.

But Donnie’s fine. It hasn’t been that long.

At the first hour they still tried not to worry.

At the second, Leo had to be held back from running out.

2 hours and 30 minutes.

Leo snuck away.

It had been far too long, and this was what happened when Donnie was kidnapped.

And the others hadn’t seen what Leo had.

He pulled on a jacket, hood up.

The chill fall air bit at his skin, but he ignored it in his desperate search for his twin. He was scared as hell. He couldn’t lose his twin, not again, not so soon.

He pushed past people walking to work on the crowded New York sidewalks, trying to think about the route that Donnie would probably take. He tried to look everywhere at once. He was not losing his twin.

~~~

Donatello was not very good at self-care. He thought he was better than he was. He had never eaten as much as he probably should, sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally. He practically lived off caffeine and tended to sleep an average of 2 hours per day. He didn’t even sleep every night. He was usually good at staying clean, but he couldn’t stand to see his body anymore, and gathering up enough energy and willpower to clean his room? His lab? An impossible feat. He couldn’t even bring himself to move over the past few days. He was surprised his muscles still worked properly, that they hadn’t atrophied in the time that his mind had decided that he couldn’t move.

Gods, I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

He woke up suddenly, being shaken in an alley.

“Hamato Donatello, I swear, if you died in an alleyway halfway across New York, I will kill you!”

Donnie cracked his eyes open to see his twin brother, tears at the corners of his eyes, apparently checking for a pulse.

My head hurts a little. And my neck. How’d I get here?

“I’d already be dead, Nardo… not sure how you’d kill me-”

“Oh you stupid, st-stupid idiot! Why did I even let you out? I should've made you eat-” he wiped his eyes, “How’d you even manage to get this far? And how’d you pass out? Pizza supreme, Don…” Donnie noticed Leo’s hands on his shoulders, “When we get home, I’m doing a check-up on you. It’s been too long,” Donnie was scooped up with little effort, despite his protest and light thrashing, “And quit holding out on me. I’d love soma the shit you’ve made- what’d you even use to discover the “signs of life” or whatever you said? And Draxum said you…”

Leo was just rambling, now.

Donnie kicked again, before deciding that he would, in fact, talk to his brother, “Leo. Put me down,”

He paused.

“Uh, no. You passed out,” Leo laughed, “I’ll pass,”

“C’mon Lee-” Donnie whined, “I can walk you know!”

Oh. I whined. OOC moment.

Leo rolled his eyes, “Ya sure? Wanna try the whole ‘standing’ thing?”

Leo put him down, and he stood with shaky legs.

Leo pulled out his katanas and sliced a portal open, “After you?”

~~~

Leo had teleported them to the kitchen where Mikey was plating breakfast. Bacon and scrambled eggs.

Leo sat Donnie down as Mikey smiled at them.

Donnie barely ate.

Prolly sensory issues

Donnie had to be dragged to the medbay, but he answered Dr. Leonardo’s questions without much fuss.

They even stripped so that Leo could inspect him, how the lumps at his side grew and stretched. He let Leo borrow his bō.

“Live birth. I wouldn’t guess. You should give birth in… 8 weeks, about, give or take. I’ll have to check again in a week- ish,”

He ignored the scars.

He wouldn’t get any answers about them .

“I have had a headache since… for a while. I’ve been meaning to tell you,”

Leo paused.

“You haven’t been drinking coffee, have you? It might be caffeine withdrawal. We haven’t even gotten caffeine pills,”

“I don’t think it’s just caffeine withdrawal anymore,”

~~~

The past month was a disjointed series of dreams and forgettable days, all bleeding into one another, no space between them.

Nobody would give Donnie any space.

He just needed some space, please!

They weren’t allowed out on missions.

That was almost okay, he didn’t fight much about it.

It meant he only had one or two people crowding around him.

~~~

Donnie was crying, which had recently become a normal occurrence. He was all alone this time, though, which he appreciated, even if his brothers would’ve thrown a fit if they had known. Their father was out on ‘serious rat-ninja business’ with April, Casey, and Cassandra, and their brothers were fighting some mutant, but Donnie had been made to stay behind. 

He was happy for the space.

He needed it.

He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. There was no way to fix this so there was no use crying about it. They were getting antsy, and needed more parts from repo for a project they were working on, but their brothers hadn’t let them leave alone since they had found them passed out in an alley.

“ Well… what they don’t know can’t hurt them…” Donnie grinned. Maybe he could grab something from Run-of-the-Mill while he was out, too. He stood up- he needed to get dressed.

They were humming in front of the mirror, “ -got the good, good, goods-” and smiling. A dark grey maxi cargo skirt (that he had owned since he was about 15) underneath his favourite hoodie, felt the most comfortable. He couldn’t see anything. Nobody could.

He shrugged on a satchel- he didn’t need much- and climbed out, heading towards repo-mantis’ scrap yard.

~~~

He walked in the shadows along the already dark New York streets, thinking. If he had to do this… he should think more about names. Maybe they should name their children after famous scientists, the same way they and their brothers had been named after renaissance artists.

Archimedes…

Aristotle…

Galileo…

Marie…

Jane…?

They were in the alleyway that lead to Run-of-the-Mill pizza when they heard footsteps behind them.

Someone, some thing approached him from behind. He paused for a moment. He was cornered, but he had his bō staff on him. He turned around, slowly. The smell of alcohol hit them. It gave them a headache.

“HiIi beAutIfuL…” the person in front of them giggled, “You wanNa… come hOme with me..?”

Donnie backed up, hand on his weapon, “I- I promise I’m not what you think I am, sir. ”

The person’s eyes flashed, they stepped closer to him.

He hissed, “Get away from me,”

They pushed him to the wall “Whhat’re yyou gonna do aboutitt? You’re jus’ a fragile lil’ lady…”

“I am not weak,” Donatello growled, pulling out his tech bō, pressing a button on the side to extend it, “I am neither frail nor fragile,” they pushed the man off them, their hood falling off their head, “and I’m definitely not a ‘little lady’” they pushed the person to the ground.

“Any last words?” He glowered down at the person on the floor.

They just stared, horrified, “What are you..?”

It only took a particularly hard kick to the head for the person to pass out.

Donnie looked at the wall that led to the mystic pizza place and took a deep breath, wiping his eyes of tears he hadn’t realised had built up. He had already gotten this far, he might as well finish this.

He checked the man’s pulse.

Alive

He threw the man into the dumpster next to him and walked into the pizza place.

Maybe I’ll get pineapple for Leo. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.

Chapter Text

On the chair in the living room, Donnie was talking with his father.

He was looking for tips on being a father himself, despite knowing that Splinter was nowhere close to being a good one. He still probably had something, some tip, some idea of what to feed the children that he would have in six weeks.

They had been a picky kid, right?

They still were picky.

I’m still just a kid.

Splinter smiled a cold-looking smile.

Is it cold? Or am I just misreading?

“You called that robot, S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. your child, did you not? “

Donatello didn’t answer, but his father didn’t seem to notice.

“You did quite a fine job with him!”

That made him… angry? Sad? He wouldn’t be done mourning, ever, but that hit a wound that hadn’t healed nearly enough.

It was quiet, for a second, before the soft-shell started speaking, “…And what, pray tell, happened to S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.?”

“Oh, Purple, I-I-”

“That is correct, dearest Father. He died. Because of me. Because I didn’t back him up properly. Because I wasn’t careful enough. And besides the fact that I didn’t want this child, I can’t back up a living thing. I’ve tried”

“I… I am sorry- I-”

Mikey chose that time to bounce in, somewhat lessening the tension, “Don…?”

“Hm?”

“You, uh- you got accepted into your college!”

“I thought that… I uhm… o-okay..!” Donnie grinned broadly, standing up and softly flapping their hands, “Oh… oh shit. I’ve uh- I have to- I have to get housing set up! I wonder if I can get anything nice in four months…”

“…you are… moving out?”

“Mhm! Been looking at apartments for a while… wasn’t 100% I’d get in, so I haven't locked anything down-” Donnie rushed out of the room without another word.

~~~

April helped Donnie pick an apartment in the hidden city, though all his favourites were out of the question.

They were either way above his budget, or in witch town. Besides the fact that he was banned, he still far preferred tech to mystics.

He considered taking over the Baron’s old castle, but he decided against it. Too broken down, and too… suspicious.

“I’d be suspected of being mad scientist far too early!”

He found a small place near campus that he decided was just about right, though he did want to tour it first. April was coming with him, too.

“You sure you wanna move out? You wouldn’t like your brothers’ support raising your kids?”

He waved his hand, “I’ll ask for help when I need it, okay April?”

April nodded.

Sure hope that’s true, Don

Donnie decided that the apartment was good enough for him, and would have space. He could move in in as little as a month. He said he would in 2½.

April only fretted a bit over how soon he was leaving. She chalked it up to anxiety about her little brother leaving the nest and ignored the feeling that the space would only let Donnie destroy himself. She trusts him.

~~~

Donnie expected Raph to be a bit more upset than he was about Donnie moving out, especially so soon. He was almost worried. He was mostly pleased.

Actually, no-one was hovering about him for the first time that week.

He smiled and turned on his techno. His family said it made their ears bleed. It scratched his brain itch just right.

Donatello knew that he didn’t need to start packing yet, not really, but he was folding all but two sets of sheets, boxing up his knicknacks, and updating the instruction manuals for all of the tech he was leaving.

A little voice in the back of their mind wanted them to run away, but they ignored it.

He was called into the kitchen by Mikey.

His flavourless juice was in!

~~~

Donnie hummed as he shopped in the colourful marketplace.

He was looking for baby food with little luck. He needed something perfect for his babies. Preferably something that wouldn’t take him to sensory hell.

He looked up and froze.

The fox and the weasel. Who- who-

They saw him too.

Fuck

Wide grins spread across their faces and they closed in on them.

“Heeeeeyyyyy babe~”

“We’re just thinkin’ ‘bout you!”

“And you know you liked it when we fucked your brains out. We know you want more,” The fox purred at him, “An’ Ray and I just couldn’t get over how tight and sexy you are…”

The weasel, ‘Ray’, slipped behind him and started picking at his bandages, “Mmmhm… You really brought a lot to my foxxy, an’ I’s relationship…”

“No,” Donnie shuddered and closed their eyes, drawing in on themself, “Get off of me,”

They closed in.

“Aw- you’re such a tease,” He felt hands hovering over him, over thighs, bandages, his tail, just hovering, not yet touching, “You should really be our third,”

“Y-you- you- I’m pregnant because of you. I don’t want this?” He scrunched into himself further.

“Oh, but you’re so pretty like this!”

Donnie ran.

He needed to leave.

Leave.

Run.

Not just the marketplace.

He needed to get out.

~~~

He signed his name.

He just had to get out, out, out, and he didn’t know why. He was just not safe. Something just felt wrong and he had to run.

He had left notes on his tech, he still loved his family, but he had packed up as much as he realistically could without affecting them. He would still let his siblings see his kids, of course, and he would text them and call them, and he would certainly stay close enough to see them all on occasion, but he had to escape.

He had been planning on moving out for college anyway. It was only a little bit earlier than he had been planning.

He had packed some of his favourite clothes, brought some food and money, and left his note on the fridge.

He snuck out of the lair in a black hoodie pulled up over his head and tights to match, sipping on a cup of black coffee. They shrugged on a heavy backpack.

They were honestly surprised no one was awake- not even Leo .

At least that makes it easy to get out…

As they got out of the lair, it began to rain heavily.

Feels… good.

The New York streets were quiet(ish), as they were only on the latest nights. The few humans that hung around in the alleyways took no notice of him, and the cars rushed past with a midnight speed. He sighed softly. New York, what a town!

Escape. Get away, where you and your babies will be safe.

He picked up his pace. He really hadn’t thought about where he would stay, and it was starting to hail. He ducked into a sufficiently covered alley, pulling out his phone.

He opened his messages to see a text from April.

(Bestie <3<3)

2:37 A.M.

hey don 😗

2:39 A.M.

u ok

What was she doing up at this hour?

(BootyyyShaker9000)

2:40 A.M.

Ofc!

Why? Is something up?

He was lying, of course, but she didn’t have to know that just yet. Besides, if something happened to her, he’d be rushing over anyway. He was only a few blocks from her apartment, now, which made it far easier.

Getoutgetoutgetout! Go to the hidden city or something, just get out!

(Bestie <3<3)

2:40 A.M.

have a bad feeling

call me

They thought about it for a second- a second too long, apparently, because she called them first.

“Don!”

“Apes?” He sipped his coffee quietly.

“Donnie, are you doing something stupid?”

“ Gasp! April, I’m offended!” They were only listening to their instincts. They would be fine.

Out, out, out, you don’t have time for this!

“What are you doing right now?”

“…talking to you…?”

She scoffed, “Ugh! Don, you know what I mean. Other than talking to me, obviously!”

Oh.

“I’m- uh- on a walk,”

“You’re a bad liar,”

“I’m not! Lying, I mean,” He wasn’t exactly lying.

“It’s pouring. Come over to my place, I don’t want you to catch a cold and die,”

He rolled his eyes, “It’s nice! And I won’t die anyway,”

“Well, as your big sister, and, more importantly, best friend, I’ll either let you come yourself, or drag you over here myself,”

That throws a wrench in my plans.

“Fine! I’ll be there in five,”

He hung up. How would he hide the bag? How could he explain it? He still needed to leave, and the urge wouldn’t go away.

~~~

He called his landlord.

“Can I move in tomorrow? Noon? I’ll pay you,”

He could.

Perfect.