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Thor cringed as he felt his fist meet Loki's face, but he quickly hardened his expression. Loki refused to go about things reasonably, so he had no other option. Loki sucked in a sharp breath as he fell to his hands and knees, beginning to harshly panting in shock. He brought a shaky hand to the side of his face, finding blood on his hand as he drew it back. Flashes of horrifying thoughts flooded Loki's mind as he stared at the ground. Loki could hear Thor's booming voice in his ears, speaking of how much he wanted to slaughter all the Frost Giants and make them fear him. He could see Thor smashing his skull in with his hammer, him with bloodied knuckles as he stood over Loki's crumpled body, numerous different ways Thor could kill him. With each passing thought, Loki's breathing and heart rate got quicker, body going into a panic.  

Loki looked up at Thor, his eyes wide with fear and hurt. Really, he shouldn't feel so betrayed at this point. Thor paused, taken back by Loki's expression. "Loki-" But the Trickster's expression soon morphed into one of rage. He was furious at the other and the fear he felt towards him. "If you're going to kill me, Odinson, just do it." His voice portrayed quiet anger with how clear but ragged it sounded, emphasizing Thor's last name. Trying to state the fact that they were not truly brothers. It would make things so much easier if Loki could just accept that. Thor frowned in confusion, "Loki, what are you on about? As corrupted as you are, I wouldn't do such a thing." 

Loki couldn't contain a large, twisted grin from his face as Thor spoke. The expression resembling that of a madman. Thor said exactly what Loki knew he would. Loki felt like he'd won, caught Thor in the act of lying, because he knew he could prove that damn golden child wrong. Because there's no way in Hel Thor wouldn't kill him if Loki pushed hard enough. And that's exactly what Loki wanted. He wanted to die, to prove Thor was lying. Oh how ironic it is that Thor would say such a lie. Loki just wanted to make this whole nightmare that is his life be over with. Thor just barely completed his statement before a maniacal, almost hysterical, laugh came from Loki. Thor flinched, getting increasingly uncomfortable with Loki's seemingly unstable behavior. 

Loki staggered to his feet, looking to almost fall at one point. Thor grabbed him by the arm to keep him up-right while Loki used the closeness to look the other dead in the eyes, "Oh, I know that's a lie", the grin never leaving his face. Thor's concern grew, it was made clear on his face. Loki just dug in deeper, getting closer to Thor's face as he spoke, "Don't act like you haven't talked about how much you wanted me dead." Now confusion took over Thor. He couldn't think of what Loki could possibly be talking about. Had he said something stupid while drunk? Or maybe his brother was just lying like he always did. The thought reemerged Thor's anger, making him grip Loki's arm tighter, "Loki, you're talking nonsense, just quit this stupid act so we can leave." 

Loki's heart raced quicker as he felt Thor's grip tighten, pain starting to spread through his arm. Sure, he was furious, bitter, and now purposefully angering Thor, but he was terrified. Thor had taken on several larger Frost Giants before. And he enjoyed it. Of course he did. They're monsters. He hates them. And Thor hates Loki as well. He's a monster, a murderer, an annoying trickster that doesn't know his place. Thor really could kill him. Probably truly wants to, he just doesn't want to admit it. But Loki didn't want to die so easily just yet, not until he puts Thor through the same emotional hell he's been going through for years.  It's not fair that he gets to act like everything is fine while Loki's been suffering all this time. "You'll hunt them down and slay them all, isn't that right?" 

The memory practically punched Thor in the face, the words sounding uncomfortably familiar. His blood ran cold and his face went pale. He nearly let go of Loki's arm from how sick he felt all of a sudden. "I- that... that's not what I meant," desperately trying to grasp at anything to fix the situation, redeem himself, but his fumbled words were no use. 

Loki let himself start to shift, starting with his free hand, a deep blue spreading over it. Loki's voice changed into something angry and bitter as he scowled, "Isn't it?" He grabbed the hand still wrapped around his arm, letting the cold seep into it. Thor hissed as he jerked his hand away, looking to see part of it was black from frostbite. Thor looked back up at Loki in time to see his face being overtaken by a deep royal blue, lines a lighter shade becoming visible on his face. His eyes turned red, as red as the blood on his face that Thor spilt. The red remained in stark contrast on Loki's blue skin, the crimson color staying. Since it was no longer part of what Loki could shapeshift, it would not take on the purple hue Jotunn blood has. 

Besides the color, Loki took on even more physical changes. His canines became sharper and longer, nails becoming pointed like claws. The most obvious change was the pair of horns on his head, looking strangely similar to those that his helmet bore.

Loki made quite the sight. The mess of ink black hair. The disheveled black and green fighting armor. The soft, ethereal looking blue skin. His enraged expression amplified by the blood red eyes. His breathing had become ragged, hands balled into fists and shaking. He wanted to tear Thor apart. He wanted to pull the ground out from itself and watch the arena crumble. He wanted to destroy everything. He wanted to tear himself apart. He hates feeling like this. It's not fair. 

Thor always comes in and ruins everything. Because he always finds something wrong with what Loki does. It's strange, undignified for an Asgardian. Well Loki's not one, so that shouldn't matter. By the Norns, he's tired of it. He's tired of Thor, but also tired of himself for caring so much. If he could just stop feeling so much for one damn moment. If he could just sink into the ground and stop existing for a while. 

Loki's breathing kept getting faster as he spiraled mentally, not realizing he was starting to have a panic attack. The memories of how Thor fought and talked of Jotnar kept intruding into his mind. Ice had started to form and grow all around him, jagged crystal spikes protruding away from him in all directions. There were gasps from the audience, all staring in awe. The ice was stunning, mostly clear, and unforgiving. It started to break through from underneath the arena floor, causing the place to shake and the audience to scream as several ran out. The arena floor and walls were quickly becoming covered in a thin layer of ice. 

Thor had backed away, nearly halfway across the arena now, starting to be afraid of what Loki could do. And yet, he didn't understand why Loki could be so upset. He had said and done a bunch of stupid stuff in the past, but he's not like anymore. At least, he hopes he's not. Why didn't Loki understand that? "Loki!" Thor shouted, inching a bit closer in Loki's direction. "Enough of this! We can talk this out later, but right now-" 

Loki didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear another word out of his mouth. "Like I said Odinson! If you want to kill me," his voice loud and guttural before he drew one arm back, feeling the cold surround his arm as ice formed around it, "Just do it!" He practically growled as his arm swung forward, now purposefully directing the ice. A path of ice crystals quickly shot up from the ground, going directly towards Thor.

Thor just managed to lunge and roll out of the way. He looked over at Loki to see the other stagger slightly, huffing as he tried to breathe normally. To Loki, Thor killing him wasn't some unjustified fear, it was inevitable. He just wanted it to be over with, the suspension was the worst part of it. But at the same time, he wanted Thor more angry, wanted him to admit how much he hated Loki. A part of Loki wanted him to be the one that killed Thor, wanted himself to be the one that took his own life. But he didn't know if things could end that way here. 

A sudden sharp, pinching pain in the side of his neck momentarily brought Loki out of his thoughts. His hand quickly shot up to figure out what was causing it and found... Oh... that damn disk that gets put on the fighters. He guessed The Grandmaster didn't approve of his little ice show destroying the arena. Sure enough, he looked up at the pretentious ruler's viewing box to see the man wasn't too pleased and perhaps even a bit unsettled. Loki snarled before digging his now clawed nails into the flesh off his neck, ripping the annoying disk out and tossing it to the ground. Purple blood pooled from the open wound, but the god wasn't deterred by it. He crushed the damn thing under his boot, emphasising that such a device couldn't actually harm him, it was just for show. He looked back up at The Grandmaster. The sight brought a grin to Loki's face. The Grandmaster looked concerned, scared even. Good. As usefully as being underestimated can be, Loki was getting sick of it. He was sick of everything.  

With the disk gone, Loki's magic moved more fluidly, now completely unrestricted. Instead of bringing forth a very different magic to go along side the ice, he simply allowed his magic to enhance it. Thicker ice covered the arena and made its way into the audience seats, anyone who had stayed behind now fled in a panic. The viewing box was also probably abandoned, but it could no longer be seen through the ice. The preexisting ice cycles grew taller and wider all the while smaller ones formed. Wind and snow appeared out of nowhere. The whole stadium was becoming an enclosed and violent blizzard (a dangerous snow globe). Loki felt like he wasn't really processing anything that was happening. Everything felt fuzzy and far away, but he could hear the roaring of the wind, the destruction of the ground and walls as ice broke through it. And he could hear the screams coming from the terrified people. In a daze, Loki looked down at his hands, covered in his own blood, his eyes barely able to focus on them. Tears welled up in his eyes. He truly felt like he was a monster. 

Thor couldn't bring himself to do much else besides watch in shock. All of Loki's armor now had a protective layer ice over it. The ice crystals nearest the trickster had become the largest, now resembling pillars, and were almost fully closing him off. When Thor noticed the unnerving sight of tears on his brother's face, it urged him to get closer, even as the frigid wind made it more and more difficult the closer he got. "L-Loki! Please!"

Tears were streaming down Loki's face now, though he didn't seem to notice, as he trembled and heaved for air, "No! I hate you! I hate you Thor! Why can't you just leave me alone!" Loki soon fell to his hands and knees, gasping out in loud broken sobs. He wanted to die, he wanted Thor to die, he wanted everyone in the universe to just die. He hated it all. He looked up at Thor through angry tears, "You wanted all the Frost Giants to fear you! Well are you happy now?" Loki hung his head down, staring at the ground as he cried, his emotions overwhelming him. The cold wind got worse, making Thor feel as if his skin was burning, but he pushed forward. He was nearly in tears from Loki's words and now desperate to get to him, to hold him, to help him. The seriousness of Loki's state was becoming clear to him. He still couldn't exactly understand what the other could be thinking, he was never really good at that, but the possibilities were now starting to scare Thor. 

Thor finally made it to Loki and fell to his knees as well, now exhausted and out of breath. He managed to pulled the younger towards him, engulfing him into a firm but not strangling hug. Even as the cold seeped into more of his skin and spread the frostbite further, he still held him close, "I'm sorry Loki.... I... I don't understand... at all really... but... I don't want you to feel like this." 

Loki had stiffened up the moment Thor hugged him, too consumed by his own emotions to notice how close he had gotten. He waited, waited for something else, something bad, something he deserved to have happen to him, but nothing did. It took a few moments for him to grasp what Thor had said and even longer for him to realize the words were truthful. Still, it was several more moments later before he relaxed, coming to terms with that fact that somehow Thor was hugging him even though he looks like and is a monster. But he guessed there were stranger things in the universe that were possible, so why not this? He sighed as he closed his eyes and let his head rest on Thor's shoulder, exhaustion taking over him. Thor just continued to hug him, not sure what else to do. 

Chapter Text

Thor's breathing eventually started to slow down; each huff of warm air visible from the cool temperature all around him. He groaned as he shifted on his knees, the frigid and hard ice getting more uncomfortable. Loki had become dead weight against him, most likely unconscious, and was adding to the pressure on Thor's knees. Thor breathed in deep and released a heavy sigh. His body was still aching from the frostbite, but he knew he couldn't just stay in the arena until it died down. The Grandmaster was most certainly sending people out to take them in. 
 
Thor looked down at Loki, finding that the ice that had been covering him was receding but not melting. Strange,Thor thought. He could feel that the frostbite was slowly starting to die down as well. He held Loki tight as he stood up, maneuvering the other to where he could carry him. Once his brother was situated in his arms, he looked around the destroyed arena, hoping that Loki's ice had made a convenient exit. Luckily, the ice had broken through one of the doors the fighters entered through. Thor made his way over to it, managing to wedge his way through the broken metal. He started pacing down the fighter’s hall when he came across the group of fighters that were supposed to be in the arena later. The group turned their heads to look at Thor and the unconscious figure in his arms, all wearing various shocked expressions. 
 
A few started to inch further away from the newcomers while others stood still. Korg soon took a step forward and spoke in an awestruck tone, "He destroyed the entire arena! That's sick!" Another, more uneasy voice spoke from the back, "He nearly killed some of us." 
 
"Um" was the brilliant thing Thor managed to say. Well, what exactly was he supposed to say? 'Sorry my brother (who's not blood related by the way, that's why he looks so different) went a bit overboard'? "Right... well... did the ice break a way out of here?" 
 
The same person glared at Thor as they stepped closer, "Why should we assist you? Helping you escape would mean the death of us." 
 
"It wouldn't! We can all escape together." Though he wasn't making a good argument for it, Thor was positive that working with them to get off this planet would work just fine. He was at least certain he refused to stay in this place any longer, no matter how he had to leave. 
 
"And what about him?" They gestured to Loki. 
 
Thor held his brother closer and tighter, feeling defensive and protective of him "I'm not leaving him here. We wouldn't be this close to escaping if it wasn't for him anyway." 
 
"Well, we're not that close to escaping right now" Korg chimed in, "Plus, it kinda sounded like he wanted to kill you. Doesn't that make him a liability?" 
 
Thor groaned and tossed his head back, "That doesn't matter right now! I'll deal with him myself later if I must. If we want to actually get out of here, we need to act on it now. "He just wanted to leave. This place was miserable, and his own home was in danger. There was commotion that could be heard both in the arena and outside the fighter’s hall. 
 
"Well, there's guards swarming us now." They said.
 
"We can deal with them," Thor insisted, "overpower them, we just need a way out of here." 
 
"Well, there's a place where the ice went all the way through into the outside of the hall, but the ice is in the way." 
 
"We can break it I'm sure, then we can just walk right through."
 
"Fine, but if we're captured, you're taking the blame." With that, they led Thor and the others over to where the ice had broken through. It was quite a large spear of ice, having broken in from the arena, gone through the hall, and out the opposite wall. The circumference of the thing was massive, making it impossible to continue walking through the hall. Soon, the fighters started using their weapons to break off chunks of the ice. Thor felt bad for not contributing, but he really didn't want to leave Loki unsupervised, for the safety of both Loki and whatever poor soul decided to mess with the god. 
 
Everyone else was getting tired, their weapons chipping away, but not making the most efficient progress. Thor was considering going to find some place else to escape when there was a voice shouting on the other side of the wall. He couldn't quite make out what was being said, but part of it sounded something like "out of the way." There was an odd electrical sound as all the fighters dashed away from the ice. Then there was a burst of light accompanied by a thunderous noise as the ice blew up into pieces. 
 
On the other side of the now empty hole stood Valkyrie. Thor became overjoyed, hopeful that she would aid them, "Valkyrie! Please I know that-" Valkyrie held her hand up to stop Thor before he could finish his plea. "Save it, no need to continue, I'll sneak you and horns onto a ship." Thor held a beaming smile as he thanked her profusely, but it soon turned into one of slight concern. "What about them?" as he gestured to the fighters. 
 
Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, "What about them?" Thor cringed slightly, "I... maaay have promised they can escape with me..." Val proceeds to groan as she facepalms before eventually saying "Fine, it's not like I have anything to lose here. I'm coming with you." Thor was surprised but delighted nonetheless, "Really?" 
 
"Yes, really," Valkyrie replied before raising her voice, "Alright, everyone follow me and make a group around Thor. Thor you stay in the center, keep your head low. The Grandmaster and the guards will expect me to be bringing all the fighters to their barracks, but if you're seen you'll both be taken to The Grandmaster immediately." As she spoke, she turned away and began to walk, expecting the others to keep up. Indeed, everyone fell in pace with her, all making sure Thor would not be visible from outside of their group. 
 
Things were going smoothly, guards were nodding and opening doors for Valkyrie without a second thought. But of course, it didn't last. Thor ducked his head down low and held his breath when he heard The Grandmaster's voice. "Oh good! You're taking them all back. You know uh.. this is why you're my favorite scraper." The Grandmaster slung his arm around Valkyrie as he spoke before Valkyrie replied, "Obviously." 
 
The Grandmaster chuckled lightly before his voice turned more sinister, "You don't happen to have that thunderer and trickster, do you?" Thor felt uneasy swell up in his stomach, nervous Valkyrie would cave under the question, but her voice remained steady and casual, "Unfortunately not, they must have found some other way out of the arena." 
 
The Grandmaster sighed as he removed his are from Valkyrie, "That little... minx of a god... is treading dangerous waters. It's one thing to think he can manipulate me and get away with it... but to destroy my whole arena as well!" he threw open his arms in exasperation before sighing, "He's gonna learn to play fair or he's gonna have a lot of regret coming his way." Thor suddenly hated this whole situation a lot more. He felt sick, dreading the implications of the man's words. He wanted to beat The Grandmaster with his bare hands, but he knew that would only complicate their escape. Eventually, thankfully, The Grandmaster started to saunter away, "Ah well, sorry to vent you my woes, but just keep on eye out for those two for me! Especially the younger one," with that he fully turned around and left, leaving Thor feeling even more ill. 
 
Thor kept himself together as best as he could, pushing forward as they made their way closer to the ships. Valkyrie tried to do some convincing of the guards to let her and the fighters into the shipyard, but ultimately, she ended up knocking them both out with her laser gun. "Alright then," She turned to face the group, "once this thing is in the air, we're going to have a lot of unwanted attention on us. I'll pilot since I know how it works and where to go. Everyone else, just hang tight and hope we don't get shot out of the sky." She turned back around and led everyone on board, letting everyone get settled down before making her way over to the control station. However, Thor had a concern, trailing behind her at a quickening pace. 
 
"Uh... Valkyrie.. it's about Loki..." She turned to face Thor, looked down at Loki, still in Thor's arms, unconscious, and then looked back up at Thor as she raised an eyebrow, "What about em?" Thor sighed, tired and conflicted, "I can't carry him the whole time until he wakes up," Valkyrie grins, "You sure?" teasing the other over the fact that *he has* carried Loki the whole time up until this point. Thor huffed, shoulders slumping, seeming to deflate slightly right before Valkyrie's eyes, and then finished his statement,"but I don't want anyone on the ship to... mess with him.. especially while he's defenseless." Valkyrie sighed and ran her hand over her face as she thought over the other's words, "Alright, I'll handle it." 
 
Valkyrie then stood up on the piloting seat and shouted to get everyone's attention, "Listen up! There's going to be two rules enforced on this ship. Number one," she holds up one finger, “is there will be no fighting, and number two," she holds up a second finger and then points down to Loki, "is no one harms the little blue shit. Anyone that breaks these rules gets tossed out of the ship, no matter where the ship is." The others looked at each other and murmured amongst themselves. No one objected, but it was clear that not everyone was very fond of these rules. 
 
After that, Thor went to find a room to place Loki in while Valkyrie started to fly the ship. The ship was a bit strange to navigate. The doors didn't indicate what kind of rooms were on the other side. He eventually found a bedroom as far away from the other rooms as possible, figuring keeping Loki at a distance would be best for everyone. Thor placed Loki in the nearby bed and tucked him in, being reminded of all the times he had done the same thing when they were children. But they weren't children anymore, Thor thought, feeling sullen over just how drastically things had changed in what seemed like very little time. Thor sighed and made for the door before realizing he should probably find a way to keep Loki secured to the bed instead of letting him be slung out of it anytime the ship made a jarring movement. Thor soon found that the bed actually had security belts, similar to seat belts, for that exact purpose. Thor strapped Loki in, leaving him secure but not restricted, and just in time before the ship jerked violently, causing Thor to get knocked off his feet and land flat on the ground. 
 
Alarms and red lights started going off. Amazingly, Loki was still unconsciousness, and Thor briefly felt envy towards his brother's blissful sleep. Thor muttered to himself "Ow" before rising to his feet and leaving the room to see what the commotion was about. Thor made his way back over to Valkyrie, just when the alarms and lights are shut off, and asked what had happened. "Grandmaster noticed us, we were hit." Thor was about to ask what he should do when Val answered the question before he could say it, "Just sit down, hang tight, and don't distract me." Thor took a seat near Valkyrie, strapping himself in and holding on tight before looking over his shoulder briefly to see all the others secured to the ship in numerous ways. When two ships appeared in front of them, Thor couldn't contain the concerned "Uhh" that left his mouth, conflicted between saying something and not distracting Valkyrie. Thor's grip on his chair tightened as each of the ships fired missiles right at them. Thor then made a very nonthreatening yelping sound, accompanied by several others screaming, as Valkyrie turned their ship completely sideways, dodging the missiles and flying right between the two other ships. 
 
By the time Valkyrie righted the ship, they were a mere few feet away from the wormhole. Valkyrie pressed a button that boosted their speed, sending the ship soaring until they flew straight into it. The ride was bumpy and jarring as they flew threw, slowly settling down into a smooth gliding of the ship. Thor released a sigh he didn't realize he was holding, slumping in his seat, and resting for a moment. Once he had calmed down, he spoke, "You don't suppose these people will be opposed to stopping by an endangered Asgard?" Valkyrie responded with a shrug, "I guess we'll find out." With that, she set the ship's destination to Asgard. 

Chapter Text

Loki started to wake slowly and groggily. He became aware that he was laying on something soft and cushioned. The strangeness of it caused him to suddenly open his eyes, becoming momentarily blinded by the light of the room. Where the hell am I? He tried to move his arm up, only for something to keep it mostly immobile. Loki's heart raced as fear tightened his throat and chest. Did The Grandmaster catch him? Is he with the Chituari? Is he being transported to Thanos? With his concern growing, Loki shot up and out of the bed, the restraints tearing away easily. He landed on the floor and quickly righted himself. He stared at the door that would hopefully lead out of the room. He steadied his breathing, preparing himself for whatever lied outside the door. He could use his magic to teleport out, but he was tired and had no idea where he was. He decided he would rush out the door, get an idea of his surroundings. He could destroy the entire ship if he had to. He just wanted to know what situation he was in. 

He rushed to the door and swung it open, quickly dashing out and turning a corner where he nearly collided with Thor. Thor looked surprised to see him, "You're awake!" Loki took a step back. How could he trust this was really Thor and not some disguised Chituari? Loki formed an ice dagger in his hand as he glared up at what looked like Thor. Thor raised his hands in caution, his voice clearly portraying his confusion, "I haven't even done anything!" Loki held his glare, but it changed from one of malice and defense to one of annoyance. What a Thor thing to say. He put away the dagger, reassured that the Thor in front of him was the real one. Loki rolled his eyes, "Right, sure, you've never done anything." Thor was upset by the statement, but he chose to let it slide. His agitation turned somber as he thought over recent events, "Loki... I need to tell you something.. about Asgard."

Loki let go of his rigged stance, picking up on Thor's change of mood, "Well?" Thor sighed and walked past Loki to what was now deemed Loki's room, "Lets talk in here" Loki became unsettled, suspicious as to why Thor would want to talk in there. It reminded him of the numerous times Odin had pulled him aside to scold him. Still, he followed Thor, now with his guard up. He didn't plan to just let Thor berate him.

Thor sat down in a chair that was in a corner and gestured for Loki to sit down on the bed. Alarms started going off in Loki's mind, making him want to just run out of the room. What could Thor possibly want to say? That he's decided to exile Loki? That he's going to be imprisoned once they're back on Asgard? Loki didn't want to hear it. "Loki please" Loki looked over at Thor to see he looked... sad, "It's important" The sorrow in his voice made Loki curious, now even more unsure of what Thor wished to say. He sat down on the bed, posture stiff as he looked around at the floor. 

Thor started fidgeting with his hands, looking down at the floor too as he thought of what to say. Loki could see how his hands moved nervously, in all his life he'd never known Thor to fidget. It seemed like forever before Thor finally spoke again, "You were unconscious for quite a while..." Loki's immediate thought to that was What the fuck does that have to do with anything? and then Thor sighed before continuing, "While you were asleep, I and some other fighters from Sakar got on this ship and flew to Asgard.." He paused, his chest tightening and eyes watering as he thought about his home, how it was destroyed before he got there. Loki's heart slowly sped up, growing anxious over Thor's reactions. He had never seen the other get so truly emotional before. He was sure Thor had been devastated when mother died, but he wasn't there to witness it. Loki began to fear that Thanos was somehow involved, as unlikely as that is. 

Thor clenched his fists together, willing himself not to cry as he spoke again, "Asgard was destroyed before we got there.... there were a couple hundred survivors we managed to rescue" Loki felt like he had froze. He felt colder and that it was impossible to move. He stared at the ground as he tried to process Thor's words, his mind unusually blank.

As the uncomfortable silence continued, Thor looked up at Loki. Loki was scratching at his palm anxiously, his expression blank. Thor, becoming agitated with Loki's seemingly unbothered state, started to question him, "Are you not distressed?" his tone portraying his soured mood. 

Loki glanced up at Thor and then looked back down, still picking at his hand. Why did Thor have to ask such annoying questions? He didn't know how he felt. He didn't feel anything. He felt numb. Asgard had been a pain in his side for as long as he could remember. He was always an outcast, unapproved of, unwanted. He had been teased, harassed, humiliated, berated, and abandoned. But it was where Frigga raised him. It was where he learned magic. It was where he read many of his favorite books in his favorite hiding places. It was hard to imagine that it was all gone. He blinked, focusing his vision as he dragged himself out of his thoughts and looked back up at Thor, "I don't know."

Loki's honest admission mellowed Thor out. After another moment of silence, Thor stood up from the chair, "Well.. I'll leave you alone for now.." With that, Thor awkwardly made his exit, leaving Loki with his thoughts. He stayed seated on the bed for a while, the silence quickly becoming unnerving. He could hear all kinds of sounds coming from the ship. Trying to ignore the sounds led him to thinking about the state Asgard is in. It's probably just giant floating chunks of debris now. With dead, mangled bodies scattered everywhere.

The thought made Loki feel sick. Flashes of piled up corpses plagued his mind. His breathing picked up, the room felt like it was becoming too small and too hot. He could all too easily imagine being trapped with the lifeless bodies. How they had moved and shifted underneath him while more from above suffocated him. He could remember having to crawl his way out of the confined space. 

He stood up from the bed suddenly, only aware of his actions after it had already happened. He felt strange, disconnected from his body. He needed to get out of that room. As illogical as it was, he felt like he needed to get out before he turned into one of the dead bodies he had been envisioning. He had no idea how long he had actually stayed seated in the room, he just needed out.

He made his way towards the door and grabbed the handle, only now fully noticing his blue hand. Right... I'm still.. like that.. Between waking up in a panic and receiving the news about Asgard, he hadn't been aware enough to notice the still blue shade. He decided he would deal with that later. Right now, he couldn't exactly feel his limbs moving, but he could feel the metal against his skin. Loki took note of the odd fact and set it aside, continuing out the door. He didn't have a destination, just needed a distraction. 

Loki walked aimlessly through the halls, not really taking in his surroundings. He focused on what was ahead of him, deciding on if he wanted to make a left or right turn in the metal labyrinth. He'll figure out how to get back to the room later. Eventually, he started to hear distant conversations echoing off the walls. He followed the sound until he came to a big open room. To his left, appeared to be the controls to the ship. The middle of the room had numerous seats, some of which were connected to the walls, for when the ship went into higher speeds. To the right, there was an area filled with a mass of people. They all seemed to be gathering outside of a room that broke off from the large one. Curious, Loki stalked over too crowded. 

As Loki approached, a few people walked out of the separate room with small pouches. Some of them went their separate ways to whatever corner or room they deemed theirs, the rest stayed in the large, open room to talk amongst themselves. As they talked, they began eating from the pouches they carried with them. Ah, so they're here for rations. Due to his monetary distraction, Loki was caught off guard and jumped slightly when someone shouted his name.

"Loki!" Said god turned his head back towards the crowd to see Thor emerge from it. Loki met Thor at the edge of the crowd when Thor spoke, "Are you here for food?" Loki eyed the large swarm of people, all so close together, before he responded, "I'm not really hungry" Which wasn't a lie, but he didn't feel like being surrounded either. Thor frowned, his concern clear, "But you haven't eaten in a while" as irritating as Thor often found Loki, he didn't want him to not eat. 

Loki huffed, becoming agitated as he looked Thor in the eyes, "I'll eat later" Thor glared back at the other, now agitated himself, "Fine." Just as Loki was about to turn around and go find something else to do, a small group exited the room with their rations. They talked obnoxiously loud before they spotted the two gods and then started to approach them. The one seeming to lead the group had a red hue to his skin. They wore a snide smirk and had a swagger to his walk. Loki would appreciate the boldness. That is, if it wasn't so devastatingly clear that they were walking over here to start shit. The supposed leader spoke, only confirming Loki's suspicion, "Hey hey~ isn't that The Grandmaster's whore?" The others in the group chuckled at the comment. 

Well that just won't do , Loki thought. His hands balled up into tight fists as his heart started to race. He had to put effort into keeping his breathing controlled and appearing normal. Thor, on the other hand, was caught so off guard by the crude comment he just stared in shock, not sure if he should be concerned over Loki or the newcomer. The small group came to a full stop in front of them. Loki stared at them with an eerily blank expression. The one that spoke previously leaned in closer to Loki, spurred on by the god's seemingly docile reaction, ignorant of the fact that Loki was merely waiting for an opportunity to attack, "Why don't you show me what you can do sometime, hmm~?" 

Thor was about to tell them off, but it was no use. In the blink of an eye, Loki had punched them in the face, similar to how Thor hit Loki back in the arena. Ice had formed on Loki's knuckles just moments before his fist made contact, causing the skin of the other to tear easily. The force from the punch caused them to stumble backwards and fall onto their side, a couple others from the group having to move to avoid a collision.

The still standing members of the group took a couple of steps back as Loki stood over the crumpled figure on the floor, black blood dripping from his icy fist. The figure on the floor eventually looked up at Loki with fearful eyes, hand clutching the side of their face as dark blood spilled from the gash. Satisfaction washed over Loki, pleased with how easy it was to make them fear him. He refused to just take whatever insults came his way like he did on Asgard. 

A booming voice drew Loki's attention away from the person, "Hey!" Valkyrie came storming out of the crowd, face full of fury. She crowded into Loki's space, hands on his chest as she violently pushed him back, causing Loki to take a couple steps backwards, before pointing in his face, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Loki looked at her in offense, thinking his actions were very clear, as Valkyrie continued, "I made it clear that no one on this ship is allowed to fight or harass you, and now you're abusing that!" 

Loki, oblivious to such rules until now, took a step forward, challenging Valkyrie, "Well maybe you should have told them to watch their mouths" he growled out. Valkyrie threw her arms out to her sides, not deterred by Loki's threat, "I can't control what they think of you!" She took a step closer as well, snarling in Loki's face, "If ya didn't want them to call you a whore, you shouldn't have made it so obvious" 

Loki made to lurch forward and grab her by the throat, but a hand pulling him back by his arm stopped him. "That's enough!" Thor, who had just been standing and watching the altercation awkwardly until now, shouted, clearly upset while he held Loki's arm in a harsh grip and dragged the younger back in the direction of his room. Loki glared at Valkyrie as he was pulled back, wishing he could get his hands on her, make her regret her words. He witnessed her expression change from rage to something disturbed. He wasn't sure why her expression changed like that when he was actively being hauled away from her. 

"What is wrong with you? Ever since my coronation, you've been worse than ever before. It's like all you want is to make everyone else's life a living nightmare. I know discovering your true heritage was hard on you, but honestly Loki, I would think this is beneath even you". Thor ranted on and on, Loki getting dragged along with it. Here he was, once again being berated for sticking up for himself. He wanted to say something, but the crash from his many recent adrenaline rushes was starting to catch up to him. He didn't fight against Thor as he was brought down halls he once again didn't bother to memorize. He didn't care at this point, letting Thor tow him back to his room just let Loki not have to put effort into finding it. 

"And you had no right to try to attack Valkyrie. She had a point. If you don't want people to think of you a certain way, then why lie with a sleazy ol-" Even in his exhausted state, Loki pushed himself to tear his arm away from Thor, having had enough of his shit. He stormed a good few feet in front of Thor before turning around sharply, "What exactly do you take me for?" Thor paused in his stride, cringing as he looked to the side, now actually having to think about what he was accusing Loki of. "You really think I would fuck some creepy old man? And for what? A good laugh? To feel good about myself?" He tilted his head to the side and stalked forward as he questioned Thor. "And even if I did, why are you so concerned about it? It's none of your business" He hissed out, venom in his words and anger in his eyes.

"But-" Thor tried to start, but Loki held up a hand to silence him before continuing himself, "I just told him what he wanted to hear so I could get what I wanted. I let the rumors spread so that it was more believable. It's called lying Thor. You know, that thing I'm always accused of." He brought his hands up to his chest, putting all true and false accusations of lies on himself. It's not like it mattered if the accusations were legitimate, he was known as a liar, so nothing he did or said could be trusted. 

Thor held his brother's gaze a moment before looking away again. That is much more inline with something he would do . He was about to speak up and apologize, explain why he had been concerned over it, but Loki had already turned back around, heading down the hall to his room. Once he got there, Loki slammed the door behind him, loud enough that Thor was sure half the people on the ship heard. 

Thor groaned to himself, holding his face in his hands. He was angry with Loki. Not that many years ago, petty insults and harsh words had no effect on him. But now, so suddenly it felt to Thor, he was attacking people left and right, having outbursts over trivial things. He was upset that Loki seemed to only see the worst in people. But he was upset with himself for seeming to prove his brother right.

As he was about to turn around and leave, Thor heard from Loki's room ragged breathing accompanied by the clear sound of objects getting tossed around and followed by fitful sobs. Thor removed his hands from his face and sighed, grieving over the fact he had made his brother cry again . He just hoped he could prevent any more incidents from happening until they reached Midgard. 

Inside of Loki's room, the god was fuming, struggling to breathe in all his rage. He had iced the door shut as soon as it closed, immediately beginning to pace around. He growled and shouted while tossing any movable piece of furniture aside that was in his way. Angry tears ran down his face uncontrollably, and it just made him more upset. He wasn't sad, he was furious. But even so, his choked up breathing soon turned into broken sobs. He started tugging at his hair, wishing that the pain would deter his crying. 

He couldn't believe Thor. Of course, he knew he was going to be told off for attacking someone. But to be reprimanded for something he didn't even do? It's not like it was the first time, but he was sick of it. So sick. Actually... he was starting to feel physically ill. He wasn't breathing properly, he couldn't recall the last time he had eaten, and now, he was crashing from yet another damn adrenaline rush. 

The room was feeling too small again, but he refused to leave. He was feeling far too warm in his armor. Loki really didn't want to see more of his appallingly blue skin, but he felt like he was melting. On top of that, he was getting a headache, and the blinding light in the room was not helping. He collapsed onto his hands and knees as he slowly adjusted his breathing, vision blurry from his tears. Norns, just kill me . And for a moment, he considered doing it for them. But no, that's too much effort.

He settled for stripping himself of his leather armor, leaving on his under leggings and tunic. He lay down flat against the cool metal floor, still feeling too warm. He closed his eyes and let ice cover the floor beneath him. Loki got lost in the feeling of his ice consuming everything around him. How it cooled his skin, the soft crackling sounds of the crystals, letting a part of himself that had been rebuked become unavoidable. It was all so calming. And he drifted off into sleep like that, feeling at peace with himself for just a moment. 

Chapter Text

Loki sluggishly blinked open his eyes and was greeted with a dark room. He sighed in relief, thankful that the brightness was gone. He supposed his ice had shot the lights. With a groan, he slowly pulls himself to sit up. He breathed in deep before releasing a heavy sigh, his warm breath visible in the cold room. Strangely enough, he felt pretty refreshed now. He considered just how cold it was in the room as he looked around at the ice still covering it. Perhaps Jotunns don't do too well in non-frigid temperatures for long periods of time. He mulled over the thought before he stood up and stretched out his limbs. 

He strode over to what he assumed was some sort of restroom and found that his assumption was correct. He made to turn on the sink so he could wash off his face when he sucked in a sharp breath, having seen himself in the oddly shaped mirror. His eyes were what caught Loki's attention. He knew Jotunn eyes were red, but he didn't consider just how disturbingly crimson they would be. They're horrifying. They're nightmare eyes. 

Loki slowly, cautiously even, brought a hand up to his face, getting a feel for the different skin. It felt strange, ridges and grooves forming lightly indented lines on his face. It was cool to the touch, though he imagined it would feel colder to someone that's not adapted to the cold.

His gaze focused on the claw like nails that donned his hand. They weren't long, but he could easily draw blood with them if he tried. Loki didn't necessarily like that they were there, it made him feel more monstrous, but he couldn't deny the utility of them. He hummed, simply acknowledgement them, as he was not sure what else to do. He supposed he could cut them off, but why get rid of something that could be useful? He tsked quietly as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear.  

As he did so, his fingers following the curve of his ear, he noted how it felt different... longer, a bit more curved. He turned his head to try to see it better in the mirror, seeing that his ears were in fact a bit longer and narrowed to a point at the end. Loki groaned to himself, exactly how many changes does this body have?

His gaze then shifted to the already healed scar on his cheek bone that he got from Thor. His vision was drawn even higher up, to a pair of horns seated on his head. They weren't tiny by any means, but they were also not nearly as large as the horns on his helm...

My helmet... 

Loki felt as if he had detached from the world around him as he thought over.

Was my helmet just some joke to Odin all along... just a way for him to call me out as a monster without actually having to reveal it?

As he thought that, a loud crack broke the silence of the room. Loki looked down to find that he had the sink in a harsh grip. Too harsh in fact, since now he was just holding onto a piece that had broken off. He hadn't realized he was holding onto the sink beforehand.

Loki simply dropped the piece of sink out of the way and then walked back into his room. He stripped the bed of its sheet, it's not like he needs it anyway, and used it to cover up the mirror. Once he was satisfied with that, he once again made to wash off his face but stopped. The sink was broken. He sighed, acknowledging that he needed to wash off more than his face anyway. 

But as he took just a couple of steps to reach the bath, he realized exactly what that would entail. He couldn't even look at his face for long, never mind seeing what the rest of his body looked like. Loki stared down at the tub like it had insulted him for a moment before thinking, do I really need to clean off? Of course, the logical answer was yes, but Loki was aware he didn't care too much for a logical answer at the moment. Though, a bath would be nice...

And then an idea occurred to him, one that didn't really make any sense, but it took all of one second for Loki to decide that sense could go fuck itself. He turned on the water, making sure the temperature was cold as he filled the bath. As it filled, he realized just how thirsty he was and cupped his hands under the stream of water to drank from his hands. The motion of sipping and drinking from his hands made Loki notice something else. 

He pulled his head back as his brow furrowed. Then he opened his mouth so that he could press a thumb against one of his canines, finding that it was longer and sharper. He pressed harder, feeling of the sharp pressure on his thumb before he pulled it away. When he looked at his thumb, he found a small indent from his newly discovered fang. Loki let out a small, dejected sound before turning the water off, tub now full.

On his knees, he scooted back over to the sink and gripped the bottom of the sheet covering the mirror. He stayed there for several minutes, long enough for his knees to start to hurt, as he tried to convince himself to lift just the corner of the sheet. He stressed over it to the point his heart rate was picking up and his skin felt itchy. 

Loki gritted his teeth as he finally lifted the corner. He couldn't muster up a proper smile, but it was enough for him to tell that, were he to genuinely smile or even snarl for that matter, those damn fangs would be noticeable. He cringed, feeling like he needed to hide them, though he wasn't quite sure why such a feeling lingered. It wasn't like he was hiding the rest of his oh so obviously Jotunn self. Still, he dropped the corner of the sheet and then shrunk away from the mirror, curling up with his knees to his chest. 

Loki hated feeling like this, disgusted, ashamed, and like he needed to hide himself. And looking like this wasn't helping. And yet, he didn't change back to Asgardian. There was no comfort in that form either, he thought bitterly. Comfort and safety don't exist for him. 

He sighed mournfully, pushing those thoughts away as he crawled over the tub. And then he promptly plopped himself into it like he originally intended to: fully clothed. He hummed as he sunk into the bath, the water reaching just below his nose, and basked in the feeling of being mostly submerged. He always did like swimming, enjoyed the weightlessness he felt while in the water.

Loki's mind wandered as he floated in the bath, drifting into a meditative type state. Meditation was something he typically enjoyed as well, something that could easily ground him and was useful in the practice magics. Loki closed his eyes as he focused on the feeling of the water as well as its soft sounds. Everything felt serene about it. Until, quite suddenly, it didn't. The water started to feel different somehow, deeper. His ears started ringing, hearing more so his own pulse than the world around him. He felt like he was getting sucked down into the depths, into an endless, all-consuming darkness.  

Loki's eyes shot open as he sat straight up in the bath, heart pounding away in his chest. He quickly let the water drain before shakily crawling out of the tub. He shook as he looked around, expecting some dark void to start taking over everything and then swallow him whole. But nothing happened. He sighed in defeat, head hanging low as he used his magic to dry himself off before standing up. 

He treaded out of the bathroom at a hurried pace and curled up on top of the bed, wishing he still had the blanket to use. It's not the warmth he craved, but the weight of something that could keep him tethered to the present. Loki settled for wrapping himself around one of the pillows, clinging to it like a lifeline. He willed himself to focus on what was currently happening, what happened before he slept, and no further. But now that he was trying to force the thoughts away, they just kept appearing. All the horrors he faced in the void, at The Other's hand, and...

No, don't think about it...

Loki sat up in bed, holding the pillow tighter and pressing his face into it as he let his mind trail off to anywhere but that. He thought of Aasgard, of when he was younger, of practicing his magic with Frig in the gardens, of going off into the woods on his own, of sneaking into the kitchens to learn how to cook from the servants... 

The thought of food made Loki's stomach growl. It made him realize just how nauseous he was from lack of food. He grumbled to himself, not wanting to have to leave the room to get food. He usually had food stored in his magic compartments, but he hadn't restocked them in a while. Loki chewed on the nail of his thumb as he thought it over. He couldn't just make a portal to the dining hall either since he didn't keep track of where it was. Dammit.

He stood up from the bed and approached the door. He was about to open it when he realized he had carried the pillow with him. Shame and humiliation crept up inside Loki, making his face warm up. He would defiantly be ridiculed and mocked for walking around with a pillow gripped in his arms like he's some sort of infant. But should he care about what others think of him? No, not really. But still, guilt settled in his gut. Surely, it's a weakness to need to carry around a pillow for security... He gripped the pillow harder before tossing it back onto the bed. He can't afford weakness right now. 

Loki continued to the door, opening it slowly and peering down the hall. There was at least no sign of Thor this time. He stalked down the hall carefully and listened for any sounds of other people but heard none. He continued walking, now actually taking note of all the turns he 'd taken this time, until he reached the same room as before, though it was completely empty now. Loki supposed most of the ship occupants were asleep. Loki was about to make his way over to were the rations were being kept, when a figure in one of the seats near the piloting station caught his attention. Upon further inspection, it became clear that the figure was his brother. 

Curious, Loki began to silently pace over to Thor, wondering how long it would be before he was noticed. A small smirk grew on Loki's face. He had crept up on Thor many times before, and it never got old. He made it right behind the seat Thor was in, his smile growing from how oblivious the other was. And then with an even tone, he spoke up, "Why are you the only one out here?"

Thor jumped, hands clutching his chest as he swiveled his chair around to see Loki standing behind him, massive grin on his face, "Do not do that! You nearly killed me.."

Loki rolled his eyes at the exaggeration, "Oh please"

There was a strained pause before Thor muttered, "What brings you back out here?"

Loki responded with a shrug, "Why don't you answer my question first"

Thor groaned before releasing a sigh, "I couldn't sleep"

Loki raised an eyebrow in question, "So why are you out here?"

Thor glared up at Loki, "Do I need to explain my reasonings with you?"

Loki looked away, "I suppose not..." and then looked back at Thor, "I came out here to get food"

"Ah" Thor responded, "Well.. um... can I talk to you for a moment?"

Loki narrowed his eyes down at Thor in suspicion, "Is that a question or a demand?"

Loki could see the frustration appear on Thor's face, but he could also see Thor reel in his agitation, "It is a question I swear."

Loki thought it over. He was still hungry. And didn't necessarily want to listen to another one of Thor's rants. But Thor wasn't acting the way he was before, and Loki was curious to know what he wanted to say. So, he sat himself down in a seat right next to Thor and swiveled the chair around to face his brother before crossing one leg over the other, "Speak then."

Thor mulled over his words before he started, "Well... there is something important I need to tell you anyway.. but while you're here.." he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I want to explain why I was so concerned over your... supposed actions earlier" Loki groaned and rolled his eyes, about to turn his chair around and walk away, but Thor grabbed the chair to keep it from turning, "It's not what you think I swear"

Loki glared at him before crossing his arms and gesturing towards Thor, "Prove me wrong" he said, feeling confident that Thor could in fact not prove him wrong. 

Thor shifted in his seat nervously, "First of all, I was out of line for speaking to you the way I did... I'm sorry"

Loki tilted his head, honestly not expecting to receive an apology, "Go on" he said with interest.

"Um" Thor mumbled nervously, not expecting to have gotten this far, "Well, uh... while me and the other fighters were escaping, we ran into The Grandmaster. He didn't notice me or you but..." Thor stated bouncing his leg slightly, unable to bring himself to look Loki in the eyes as he went on, "He said some... unsavory things about you."

Loki just looked at Thor questioningly, "So? Why are you so concerned about it"

Thor did manage to look at Loki then, his voice getting louder and more insistent, "Because what he said was concerning, Loki! He spoke about you with vile intentions, and yet you had just been trotting around with him!" 

"I can take care of myself" Loki snarled, anger seeping into his words. He hated being underestimated by people who should know better. 

"It doesn't seem like it" Thor pushed, "He knew your games." 

"And I knew that he knew" Loki stated firmly, "I was still ten steps ahead of him."

"Loki" Thor wanted to look away and not entertain the idea, but he willed himself to keep looking at his brother, hoping it would emphasize his urgency, "What if he had tried to take advantage of you?"

There was silence for a moment. But Loki knew his answer, had known his answer ever since he had started making plans around The Grandmaster. 

"I'd kill him" He responded simply. 

Thor, dumbfounded, muttered in turn, "Huh?" 

Loki looked down at his hands folded in his lap, vision blurring as he got lost in his thoughts of exactly how he would have killed the man. His hands began to act out his actions as he explained them, "I'd puncture his eyes" his fingers moved as if he was grasping the man's head in his hands, thumbs plunging into the imaginary eye sockets, "cut him open and gut him like a fish" hands moving again, like he had ripped open the man and was tearing out his insides with his own bare hands, "and then I'd use his own entrails to strangle him to death" his hands balled tightly into fist, nails biting into his palms and leaving indents, as they moved slowly away from each other, as though he was pulling taut at the organ wrapped around The Grandmaster's neck. 

Loki's heart rate had started to pick up, almost feeling the warm blood on his hands. And then, suddenly, he stopped, coming out of his dazed explanation as his vision focused. He looked away from his hands and back up at Thor, seeing that his expression had turned disturbed, much like Valkyrie’s had before. With a glare, he placed his hands back in his lap, "Don't look at me like that.... you think so little of me... you think I'm incapable of protecting myself-" 

"I didn't say you were incapable!" Thor interrupted, though he truly meant his words, it didn't matter. 

Loki stood up from his chair, getting closer but not quite in Thor's space as he snarled, "and yet when I prove I am much more than capable of protecting myself you look at me like I'm some sort of blood-thirsty killer" Thor stayed silent as he looked up at his brother, prompting Loki to continue in a quiet, earnest tone, "You think I'm a monster, don't you?" 

Thor looked appalled, felt sick to his stomach, as he exclaimed and stood from his chair as well, "No, of course I don't!"

But Loki held his glare and took a step back, "You've looked at me differently ever since I've shifted. It disturbs you." Loki claimed, no... stated. The new way Thor looked at him was a fact. At that moment, Loki decided he would keep up his new appearance for as long as people looked at him in such a way. As long as it made people wary of him, and yet unable to ignore him. 

Thor cringed and looked away once more. He can't deny that Loki's appearance unsettled him, but he hated to admit it. He thought he had laid waste to his cruel feelings towards Jotunns, but he guessed some things were harder to extinguish. Although, while the different look did feel strange to him, he was certain it was more so something behind Loki's eyes that disturbed him so much rather than the new color. Even if Loki's anger felt much scarier with his red eyes. Something else about his brother's eyes felt... wrong. 

Thor sighed, his head hanging lower, "I won't lie to you... it'd do more harm than good.. especially since you could see right through it..." He looked up at Loki again, "It is... strange... to see you like this... but... It is not a negative strange..." 

"Then what have your glares at me been for?" Loki interrupted, his hurt clear in his expression and voice. 

"You're attacking people Loki!" Thor exclaimed in near disbelief, "You're short-tempered and lashing out. And that's not even including the New York incident. You've changed... and I don't know why..." Thor admitted solemnly. 

Loki's expression shifted, turning empty, "You don't know?" 

Thor noticed the change and grew concerned over the sudden change, "I... no..." 

Loki's posture became more lax, seeming to come to terms with Thor's answer, "Then you never will" He resumed his walk to where the rations were kept, only pausing a moment after Thor shouted, "Wait!" 

Loki didn't look over his shoulder to acknowledge Thor, but his pausing in walking let Thor know he was listening, "Um..." He wanted to fix whatever it was that just happened, prove that he could know why Loki changed over time, but he felt like Loki was done with the conversation, so he chose to let the topic go for now, "The Asgardians need a new place to stay... I've decided to bring them to Midgard..." 

Loki's shoulders slumped as he groaned quietly, "Of course you have..." he continued his walk, not bothering to see if Thor had an explanation as to why he thought that was a good idea. He just wanted to eat something at this point. 

He made his way over to the room where the rations were kept, not taking long to find the exact crates and cupboards they were stored in. Loki rummaged through them, trying to find something of interest, but the options were just various packages of bland meat, vegetables, and the occasional fruit. He considered only taking one packet of meat and leaving when his stomach growled and nausea settled in again, reminding Loki he should probably eat more. He sighed as he willed himself to grab two packets of meat and one packet of vegetables. He inspected the packaging of one of the meats to see how to open it, wanting to quell his hunger now, but found no clear way to access the food. So, he bit into the packet and ripped it open with his teeth. He then took a bite of the strange looking meat and concluded that it tasted about as sad as he thought it would. But it was food, and he was grateful that it would leave him sated. 

He took in his surroundings, noting the room's placement on the ship. He mentally traced his way back to his room and then willed himself to teleport there. He let out a sigh of relief when he successfully appeared in his room, thankful he did not have to walk past Thor and make the trek back here. 

Loki padded over to his bed and plopped down onto it, and, after a moment of hesitation, allowed himself to curl up with the pillow he had discarded earlier. I had to deal with Thor, I deserve to have this, he reasoned. Once he was comfortable enough, he started eating away at his rations. He ate them quicker than he would like to admit, even with how tasteless they were. Even so, he quickly started to fall asleep, feeling somewhat content.

Chapter Text

The next day went by agonizingly slow for Loki. After he woke from his nap, he did feel replenished from having eaten, but he didn't leave his room at all that day. Loki stayed in bed for a while, contemplating what he should do, before deciding to start the day with some meditation and stretches. This time he was able to actually focus on the world around him. 

Then the day unkindly reminded Loki that using the bathroom is in fact mandatory, and he came to the conclusion that it was one of the worst things to do when you don't want to think about any part of your body. But luckily, he survived. He actually managed to take a decent shower as well by staring adamantly at a wall and thinking about literally anything else while he washed off. He had thought about turning the lights off but then realized that would give him a whole new set of problems. Loki was actually able to take the time to notice just how long his hair had grown. It reached just slightly past his shoulders. He knew it obviously didn't get that long in a matter of days, but actually realizing it had changed felt odd.  

The rest of the day trudged by sluggishly. There was only so much one can do in a small room. He read through all his books kept in his magic compartments, but he had already known all of them by heart so it wasn't exactly a thrilling experience.

Loki couldn't deny it; he was bored, and he hated boredom. But he was also tired and didn't want to leave his room and end up having to deal with people. The last few days... weeks... months.... years actually... have been far too stressful. He couldn't pinpoint a time where he had simply existed peacefully for more than a few moments. So even though the dreaded boredom felt unbearable, he decided he could deal with it. 

Loki quickly changed his mind on that the next morning. He still didn't leave his room yet, socialization being too much to bear, but he did start rearranging his room, keeping his mind occupied. The place looked too empty, making him feel open and vulnerable. He moved the few unnecessary pieces of furniture aside as he had no use for it. The bed stayed in the center against the back wall, its frame being part of the floor itself. Loki paced around as he glared at the space for a moment before deciding on what he wanted to do.

He used his ice to fill in the empty space. It formed a tunnel that started off wide at the door to the room and got more narrow until it opened up around his bed. His space now felt much more like a burrow than a typical room, and he liked it much more this way. He didn't usually enjoy confined spaces, but the removed emptiness made him feel more at ease.

The space to the right of the bed was pretty much entirely ice. However, the left side of the bed, while still covered in ice, was much more open. It gave Loki a place to pace around whenever he felt like it as well as access to the bathroom. The bathroom door was kept shut when he wasn't inside; it felt strange to leave the door open, as if something could come out of it if he wasn't looking. But whenever he was in the bathroom, the door stayed open. Being closed inside such a small space felt suffocating. He couldn't really ease the discomfort of the bathroom with ice since that would mean freezing the utilities. Loki had noticed just how at ease he felt when surrounded by ice. He appreciated it though he did find it strange. He supposed it had to do with his heritage. 

Loki didn't get food again until early the following morning. He debated it for a while, not wanting to journey out of his space for rations and end up around people. Eventually, he decided hunger is more distressing than the possibility of having to tell someone off for trying to talk to him. With a deep breath, he made a portal to the ration room and walked through it. He regretted it quickly because he was immediately met with the sounds of people. Their presence was too much, their noises too much. He didn't realize just how calm and quiet it was in his room until it was gone suddenly. But he wasn't leaving without what he came here for. He came here for a reason and damnit he wasn't going to just turn back and leave. 

He kept to himself, making a beeline to one of the ration crates that had no one else looking through it. He was planning to not even bother looking at the people around him, but he could feel eyes on him. One quick glare in the direction of whoever was looking at him was enough to make them turn their heads and shuffle away. Good. He didn't have time for them. As he rummaged through the rations, he decided to store some away with his magic so that he wouldn't have to come back here so soon.

Once he was satisfied with what he collected, he stepped away from the crate and opened up a portal back to his room. As Loki made his leave, he was just able to over hear a couple talking about the ship making a supply stop for various necessities. Loki's interest was piqued, and he made sure to catalog that information in the back of his mind.

A little while after Loki had eaten, Thor came knocking on his door, "Loki! I got complaints that you're hoarding rations... is this true?" Loki rolled his eyes as he trudged over to the door and yanked it open, giving Thor a low effort and unimpressed glare, "I took a station of rations so I wouldn't have to go back in there any time soon.”

Thor proceeded to become visibly embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, "Oh... right" He glanced off to the side before looking back at Loki, noticing the ice encasing his room, "I uh.. I like what you've done to the place."

Loki rolled his eyes but huffed in what was clear amusement at Thor's awkward attempt at a new conversation, "Yes, it's more... homey..." Loki says, not sure how to continue such a topic.

Thor just nodded awkwardly before thinking of something else to say, "Oh! I actually did want to let you know that me and Valkyrie will heading out to get supplies for the ship once it-" 

Loki had crossed his arms and leaned against his door frame once Thor started talking again, cutting him off before he could finish his statement, "Oh, I know." 

"Oh" 

"I overheard about it while getting the food" Loki finished. 

"Ah, well.. I'm leaving Korg in charge while we're out. We don't need everyone leaving the ship, and I figured you wouldn't want to be placed in Korg's position." 

Loki nodded, "You figured correctly." 

"Well" Thor continued, "I just wanted to let you know. I'll leave you to yourself now." Loki nodded in acknowledgment, waiting for Thor to have turned away and started walking off before retreating back into his room and shutting the door. 

That evening, once the ship had landed, Loki snuck out of his room and observed from out of sight as Thor and Valkyrie told the refugees that they would be the only two to go out and get supplies while Korg kept charge of everything. Loki didn't plan to stay on the ship while they went out though. He wanted to seize the chance to get off this boring ship for a while. 

It was easy to get off the ship unnoticed. All he had to do was wait for Thor and Valkyrie to exit, and then he transported himself outside of the ship but out of their sight. He paused for a moment, in awe as he took in the new environment. The sky was a purple indigo with a few large and wispy, sand-colored clouds. The ground looked and felt like red dirt. The air felt thick with moisture, the smell of ozone clinging to the moderate breeze.

Loki dragged himself out of his thoughts when he realized Valkyrie and Thor had walked quite a distance away, about half-way to a town of sorts that was nearby. So, he began his trek after them at an easy pace, in no rush to get right upon them since he didn't care to be noticed. They made it to the town before him, but it didn't take long for Loki to get there himself. Now that he was closer, he could see that this portion of civilization consisted of vendors, booths, and other outdoor shops that were spread out on either side of a dirt road. Loki could look down the dirt road and see that it continued on for quite a ways and went down a hill, the hill itself obstructing his view of what lay at the bottom. 

Loki continued down the dirt path as he observed the various booths. Most of them were fashioned from dark purple and blue wood, with the occasional flare of bright orange or yellow fabric. Most of the people there were various shades of bright pink and purple. Their colorful appearance actually made Loki feel less out of place in his own skin. Although, there were several outliers, looking like they came from a different planet all together. It seemed that this place was one that many barters and sellers from around this part of the galaxy would stop by. 

As Loki walked further down, he occasionally stopped to get a closer look at the items on display. There was lots of handcrafted jewelry and journals as well as edible goods and machinery. Books of all kinds could be found on many tables. He looked through a few, each from a different booth. Some were about mechanics, others about the history of one or more of the nine realms. What piqued Loki's interest though was a book on a magic system he wasn't familiar with. He wasn't one to turn away knowledge, especially of the magic or arcane sort, so of course he couldn't pass it up. 

He didn't have any of their native currency, but bartering was on the table. And even though he was hesitant about it, Loki decided to trade one of the Asgardian books he had. The thing is, he wouldn't have done it if it was the only volume he had, but he actually had three volumes, all a bit similar to each other. The book was about Asgardian farming techniques. The first volume being... well, the first to be made. The second volume being updated with more current information, and the third even more so than that. However, Loki being the way he is, each volume now had about the same amount of knowledge with how many notes he added to them. 

Loki wasn't going to part with the first one, and even though it was practically useless at this point, he liked being able to look at the most up to date one. So, it was the second volume he traded. He didn't like the idea of leaving something of Asgard behind, especially with how much more permanent it would be now, but Loki hoped letting this bit of Asgard pass on to somewhere else could help keep its history alive. 

Loki released a heavy sigh as he passed the vendor, walking on until he reached the end of the merchant area. Now on the opposite end, he could look down the hill this place rested on. And now he could see that the dirt road reached out to what looked like a village, a place where people lived. It looked quaint and calming, the kind of place you would find in the middle of nowhere, and it was indeed in the middle of nowhere. 

Loki gazed at the quiet place for a few moments before going on his way. But as he started to turn around, a shout caught him by surprise, "Loki!" Said god jumped slightly, looking in the direction his name came from as he got onto himself for not keeping his guard up. He was of course greeted with the sight of his brother and the valkyrie. Thor was dragging a large crate behind him on something that looked akin to a sled while Valkyrie carried a smaller crate in her arms. "What are you doing?" Thor looked a bit agitated, maybe at the prospect of having to corral Loki back into the ship or perhaps because of the heavy crate he was dragging, but there seemed to be genuine curiosity in his voice.

Loki looked down at the ground a bit sheepishly, feeling like a child that got caught doing something wrong, as he dug the toe of his boot into the ground, "Looking around?" He said it like a question because it didn't feel like a good enough answer. Even though that is what he was doing for the most part, he didn't feel like telling them about the book he traded. He felt that it would make Thor angry somehow. 

Thor just furrowed his brow in confusion while Valkyrie narrowed her eyes, probably suspecting there was more to it, "Ok... well could you accompany Val back to the ship? I still need to get food" Loki raised an eyebrow as he walked over to them, "You mean neither of those contain food?" 

Thor sighed, his shoulders drooping as Valkyrie spoke, "He's lugging around scrap metal I'm going to use to repair a part of the ship that got damaged when we first took off," she pauses to lift her box slightly for emphasis, "This right here is-"

"Alcohol" Thor finished, cutting her off, "A very limited supply of alcohol" Thor gave her a look that made it clear he didn't approve of a drunk pilot. Valkyrie just waved one hand, while still managing to hold the box, in response, "Yeah, yeah, I don't plan to get plastered, but quitting cold ain't a good idea either" Thor just sighed, accepting that he couldn't change her mind, "I'd appreciate it if you both went back so we're mostly in one place. I won't take long to get the rest"

Loki simply nodded, not really minding having to head back now. He and Valkyrie departed from Thor and began a silent walk. Loki didn't mind the silence either, he preferred it actually. It was nice to take in the background sounds, feelings, and sights from the world around him. They were over half-way through the vendors when something he didn't notice before caught Loki's attention. He veered off the path towards a booth despite Valkyrie's protests. 

He came upon a dagger that had a slight curve to its spine, and the edge looked sharp enough to slice through a sheet of paper without moving. Looking at it now, the blade was silver. A beautiful silver, but a typical color nonetheless. But Loki was interested in what he saw from the blade when he was a distance away. Valkyrie then walked over to the booth herself, peeking over the box in her arms, "It's a sweet ass blade, I'll admit, but don't you have like... hundreds?" Loki didn't answer, but he wasn't exactly ignoring the question. He just thought it would be better to show her what made him interested in it.

Loki gestured to the booth keeper if he could hold the weapon, pleased that he was given permission. He carefully picked up the dagger and tilted it just so the light would reflect from it a different angle. As he did, the blade shimmered with swirls of red, green, blue, and orange. "Whoa" came Valkyrie's reaction, and Loki couldn't help but smirk. 

He gingerly placed the dagger back as he thought to himself. All the daggers he regularly uses are ones he's made himself. Even with a weapon as stunning as this one, it would be much more to Loki's liking if he made it. "So... are you just going to stare at it?" Valkyrie sounded more impatient now. Loki gave her an unimpressed glare, "I'm going to learn about it actually" 

Valkyrie groaned, "We don't have time for that" Loki waved her off, "You can continue your way to the ship, I can get there at any time I want" It came off as egotistical, but it was accurate. As long as the ship wasn't millions of miles away, Loki could easily teleport back onto it. Val huffed in response, "Fine" and continued her walk. 

Loki spent several minutes sharing various blade craftsmanship skills with the keeper, asking numerous questions about how that dagger in particular was made. Loki wrote down any new information that was learned, and when he deemed himself to be thoroughly educated on this new technique, he bid the keeper farewell. 

He looked down the dirt path to see Valkyrie just a few feet away from the ship. With magic coursing through him and a thought in his mind, he teleported just behind Val, coming right beside her in just a couple of paces. Valkyrie noticed him from her peripheral vision, and snapped her head in his direction to actually look at him, wearing a flabbergasted expression, "How the?" She looked behind her and down the path, in complete disbelief that he could have come up the path without her noticing. Loki looks at her plainly before moving his hands in a whimsical gesture as he smirks "Magic~"

Valkyrie huffs and rolls her eyes, "Right, of course" but a smirk creeps onto her face, "Ya know you're pretty funny for a fucked up god" Loki sighs dramatically in response, "It's in my nature"

The silence re-emerged as they boarded the ship and looked for a place to unload the drinks. It turns out there was an actual bar on the ship, because of course there was. They were about half-way through with storing the drinks when Valkyrie interrupted the quiet, "Ya know, Thor told me you didn't have any... relations with The Grandmaster"

Loki paused his action immediately, bottle in his hand as he turned to face her with an eerie expression, "Did he now?" It wasn't hard to see that he didn't approve of Thor sharing that information.  Valkyrie glared at him in return, "Don't look at me like that, I'm just saying I was a bit out of line, and they were definitely out of line by approaching you like that"

Loki continued with putting the bottle away as he spoke, "Do you expect me to feel remorse?" Though Loki couldn't see the way Valkyrie placed her hand on her hip, he could hear more agitation seep into her voice, "Uh, yeah, a bit " Loki made sure the bottle was properly in its place before looking at Valkyrie again, "Why would I feel sorry for someone getting mauled by a wild beast when they were the one that wanted to pick a fight with it?" His tone was sharp and serious, his posture standoffish, like he wasn't looking for a fight, but he sure as hell wasn't going to avoid one. 

Valkyrie held his gaze, giving him a scrutinizing look. Though her posture relaxed, she still looked him dead in the eye, like she was looking for something, trying to figure something out about him. It unnerved the god. Then she tilted her head as she looked away, reaching inside of the box to pull out another bottle and offering it to Loki, "Drink?"

That one simple word made Loki's expression go slack, a memory slamming into the front of his mind. He could remember it vividly, but not quite clearly. It was like remembering every detail of a dream, where a self-proclaimed "billionaire, playboy, philanthropist" offered him a drink.  It was such a strange interaction. He got lost in thought for a moment, until Valkyrie waved the bottle in front of his face to get his attention. 

Loki calmly moved the bottle away before speaking, "I think I have enough issues without alcohol involved"

Valkyrie looked the god up and down before seating herself on one of the bar stools and opening the bottle with the edge of the table, "You're right about that" she then proceeded to chug the whole bottle in a couple of seconds. 

Loki stared at her with a blank expression, numerous emotions swirling around in his head: amazement, confusion, agitation. He concluded that this too was a strange interaction. He was about to start putting away the drinks again when someone he really didn't want to interact with walked into the room. 

"Oh hey, Loki! It was just a matter of time until we ran into each other" Fandral spoke as he waltzed into the room. Val was able to see Loki's expression change from blank to one of simultaneous dread and rage. She knew shit was going to hit the fan if she didn't do anything. So, she quickly stood up, the stool nearly falling over from the force, and walked in front of the unfamiliar man to block his path to Loki, "Sorry pal, but we're still stocking the bar"

In the midst of that, Loki was losing himself. No, no, no, no, no, why him? Why couldn't he just be left alone? His heart was racing, his limbs were shaking. He wanted to curl up in a dark corner and cry, but he also wanted to sink his teeth and nails into the man and rip him apart. He was so sick of him and the rest of his little group. 

"Well it didn't look like you were still stocking it just then" Loki heard him speak, "And besides, we're close friends, I'm sure he won't mind letting me hang around" 

Loki was quick to argue, "I don't think you know what the definition of friend is" he sneered. Sure, him, Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg were Thor's friends, but not his. They tormented and harassed him for years on end. But no matter how many times Loki complained about it, nothing changed. Thor brushed him off, Odin didn't care. Frig however, she taught him magic that allowed him to fight back. Their torment didn't truly stop, but Loki never let them off easily after that. But fighting back usually meant punishment from Odin. 

His nails dug into the table, glad it was another barrier between himself and the idiot before him. Fandral placed a hand over his chest and gave a mock gasp, "How cold of you Loki. Although, I guess that's to be expected of you" He laughed like it was a joke. Loki growled, baring his teeth as his nails audibly scraped against the table, "I'll kill you", Nearly a millennium worth of built up rage was clawing at the surface, eager to lash out, "I'll rip your head off with my bare hands'' His voice choked as tears welled up in his eyes. His own fury and sorrow were too agonizing to bear. But he didn't want to feel sad . He wanted to feel relief as he made him regret everything . But he also felt mournful, and he wasn't even sure what he was mourning.

Fandral's face fell, suddenly not finding the situation funny anymore. Valkyrie glanced over her shoulder, expression one of concern as she took in the state Loki was in. "Alright", she placed one hand on the wall and the other on the table to steady herself. Then she placed one boot on Fandral's chest and shoved him with all her strength. Fandral stumbled back, clattering to the floor just outside of the bar room. She gave him the most seething glare she could as she slammed the bar door closed. Valkyrie turned back to face Loki. The god's expression now much harder to interpret. He looked zoned out and unaware of his surroundings.

Loki's visceral emotions quickly started to subside once Fandral was, quite literally , kicked out. But now he was dealing with something he has unfortunately started to get accustomed to as of late. The crash after such violent emotions and adrenaline. This time, however, it was worse somehow. His thoughts were becoming sluggish. Vision started to blur as he became dizzy, losing most awareness of the world around him. He felt incredibly ill, as if he was on the verge of vomiting. His body felt too heavy, and his limbs felt too weak. A sudden realization struck him that didn't make him feel any better. He was passing out. 

His arms gave out, causing his upper body to fall onto the bar. His knees soon buckled underneath him, now making him start to slide off of the bar. He tried to claw at its surface to at least ease his fall, but his grip had turned much weaker than what it was moments ago. Unbeknownst to Loki, Valkyrie swore under her breath and paced over to Loki once she realized what was happening. As soon as he started to fully descend to the floor, she caught him by his back and his shoulder nearest to the ground to ease the fall.

Loki went in and out of consciousness as he laid on his back against the floor. Valkyrie stood over him, not sure what to do. It was just moments later when Thor barged into the room, "Is something going on? Fandral was just-"

"Hush" Valkyrie quickly quieted him, "Sir fuck-ass was trying to start shit, now your brother's passed out on the floor"

"What?" Thor exclaimed, Valkyrie getting onto him again as he rushed over to where Loki was, "I just told you to be quiet"

Thor kneeled down beside his brother, watching his eyes barely open before he went unconscious again. The next couple of minutes went by dreadfully slow as Thor started to worry that Loki wouldn't wake up soon. Loki was barely aware of what was going on, everything both looking and feeling fuzzy. He felt like he was floating. The next time he woke up, it was sluggish, but he started to become more conscious. He was aware of two figures above him before his vision cleared enough for him to recognize it was Thor and Valkyrie. He groaned and scrunched up his eyes, the light in the room feeling more intense. 

Then the illness he felt earlier suddenly shot back through him, seizing Loki with panic. He couldn't roll himself onto his side, but he was able to motion for Thor to do it. After Thor did so, he was just about to ask what was wrong when Loki threw up, cutting Thor's words off. Loki groaned and shivered, not sure if he felt better or worse. Thor cringed, feeling a bit sick himself, before he tore his eyes away from Loki in order to look at Valkyrie, "Forget about the drinks for now, please, just clean this up while I-" 

"I ain't cleaning that" 

"But-!"

Valkyrie kneeled down as well to be eye level with Thor before pointing at herself, "I'll take him to his room" then pointing at Thor, "You can clean up the vomit" Thor sighed before nodding and stepping away from his brother. Valkyrie maneuvered the god, situating him in her arms. Loki was about to try to make a comment on whether or not she could carry him, but then he was being lifted with ease. Loki gave her a half-assed glare as she made sure his head was propped against her shoulder, making the valkyrie snort, "You just have to be a little shit don't you?"

"Yes" The god responded with all the snark he could muster. Valkyrie was then on her way to Loki's room, the god occasionally telling her which direction to go. By the time they reached his room, Loki wanted to take a full on nap. It took just a moment for Valkyrie to open the door, but then she paused, "Uh... the fuck?"

Oh right. The ice. "Don't like it?" Loki goaded, finding the other's reaction amusing. Val breathed in deep before releasing a heavy sigh, realizing how difficult this would make getting Loki to his bed, "It's lovely"

Loki smirked, if not so tired he would have found a way to make it even more difficult. Valkyrie began her journey into his room, slipping a couple times, which made Loki genuinely cringe at the idea of crashing to the ground. But she eventually made it with no harm done, and placed Loki in the bed, "Welp, that was an event" Loki just groaned in response as he curled up on the bed, fulling intending to go right to sleep. 

But then Valkyrie called out from his bathroom, "What in Norn's name did you do to your sink?" Loki groggily lifted his head and hissed, "What are you doing?"

Valkyrie walks out of his bathroom and heads towards his bedroom door, Loki watching as she went, "Well, I was going to get you some water but your sinks fucked so..." She exited his room and closed the door, leaving Loki to blink in confusion at his door. He turns his head back to the bathroom. She left the fucking bathroom door open . He would have closed it, but he didn't have the energy to do it. And before he knew it, he was unconscious once more. 

But it wasn't a restful sleep. He felt like he was immediately plagued with every horror he'd ever faced. Harassment from Thor and his friends, constantly trying to live up to Odin's standards, discovering his heritage, fearing that Thor would kill him, the void, The Other, Thanos, Frig dying.. . And then he was being dragged out of his sleep, a hand shaking his shoulder, "Wha...?" was the only response he could give as his vision tried to focus. 

"Geez, I was only gone for like ten minutes" came Valkyrie's voice, "I brought some water" She lifted up what Loki could just make out as a large container that she then placed on the floor, "And a towel" She tossed it on top of the container. It was too small for Loki to actually see it. It was more like a blur of color. "Do you even know what I'm saying?" Loki did understand, it's just that it took him too long to process her words and think of a response before she went on, "I'll just leave you to it"

Loki closed his eyes for several minutes. Once he opened them again, he could tell that the bathroom door was shut. He sighed in relief and fell back asleep. Nightmares still came for him, but this time they revolved mostly around Fandral. 

With such a restless night, Loki felt like utter shit come morning. It pissed him off, but also devastated him. How can things fall apart so easily? It's not like things were even going well! He felt defeated, residing himself to his bed for the entirety of the day as an odd pain settled in his chest. The mournfulness he felt before came back full force. Loki lost track of time as his mind drifted off, consumed by sorrow. He felt astray. Off . Like he wasn't real. Or that the emotions eating away at him into nothingness was warping his very existence. 

He didn't eat, the thought of doing so making him nauseous. He didn't deserve to eat anyway . Waves of despair washed over him until it felt like too much. The dam finally broke as Loki let out a pain-driven wail, clutching at his pillow as he sobbed into it. Fandral.. Thor.. Odin.. The Other.. Everyone had hurt him so many times. And no one ever cared. It isn't fair . 

By the time his cries had subsided, Loki felt numb, empty, hollow. He sat up in his bed and stared down at his hands in his lap. 

Who cares if it's fair? 

You're pathetic. 

Worthless. 

No one wants you. 

No one is coming to help. 

No one will remember you.

You monster. 

Odin should have left you to die.  

Tears started streaming down his face again, but he was too tired to do much else. Hunger gnawed at him. Thirst pestered him. He laid back down, pillow held tightly against him. He didn't deserve this either, the comfort . But it's not like a pillow can berate him for how delusional he's being. It wasn't long until sleep overcame him once more. 

"Loki? Are you awake?" Said god blinked open his eyes, feeling disoriented as he was not sure what time it was or how long he had slept. Loki sat up but didn't answer as Thor continued to speak on the other side of the door, "Uh... well um.. I heard.. that you might not be doing well.." He could hear that? Or someone else did? Who? Who told him? Loki couldn't stop the paranoia from emerging- "So I made you something" 

Oh? Curiosity won over, making Loki creep towards the edge of the bed. He didn't want to be heard, but he did want to know what Thor was going to say. "I don't know if it's any good... and I needed help making it.. but I hope that it might make you feel a bit better"

Loki tilted his head in confusion, trying to figure out what in the nine realms that oaf could have made. "I'll just... leave it out here.." Loki listened to Thor setting something down and waited until he was sure his brother had walked away before he slinked towards the door. He pressed his ear up to the door before reaching out to slowly open it, peeking his head out to make sure no one was there. With no one in sight, Loki looked down to see what Thor had left. 

The sight made him choke up and huff out a small laugh. It was a plate of food, and not just any food. It was a meal Loki loved dearly as a child. He picked up the plate and closed the door, pushing his back against it as he slid down to the floor. Loki sat the plate in his lap as he inspected the meal.

It consisted of two pieces of slightly sweet bread, a bit crunchy on the outside but supposed to be fluffy in the middle. On top of the bread, Loki had always added a fruit jam and a type of creamed cheese. Loki could tell just by looking at it that the jam and cheese were of course not the same, it could never be the same now, but it was obvious what Thor had intended to make. The god proceeded to pick up a piece and inspected the bottom. Loki snorted, Thor had somehow managed to burn the bread.

Loki's mood then turned somber, still not recovered from his emotional ordeal. He felt like he didn't deserve it, this surprisingly sincere attempt at comfort. Loki set down the plate and pulled his knees to his chest, resting his head on his knees as his negative thoughts swarmed him. How could he be so sure it was sincere anyway? Thor probably just didn't want to deal with him while he's like this. No one would want to. He's just pretending to care. And even if Thor did care, he didn't deserve it, didn't deserve the comfort. 

Loki looked down at the plate of food, taking a moment to contemplate what to do with it before he picked it back up. He eyed the food inquisitively before sighing and thinking to himself, deserve it or not, I'm going to eat it . And with that, he pushed his thoughts aside and took a bite of the food. Immediately he was overcome with sentiment, of all the times Frig had made this for him. And it was so much better than the rations. The jam was sweet, the cheese salty as well as savory, and the bread, even though it was burnt, evened out the flavors.

Loki devoured the food quickly, though attempted to pace himself so that he wasn't practically inhaling the food. Once he was finished with the food, he sniffled, feeling overwhelmed and sad. He rubbed at his eyes while more tears poured out. He still didn't feel well, but he didn't feel as horrible as before.

Loki stayed seated on the floor for a moment, collecting himself before he stood up. He trudged over to the bathroom, his whole body feeling worn out. Inside the bathroom, he removed the blanket from the mirror. He didn't cringe at his reflection, but he didn't stick around to gawk at himself either. Instead, he wrapped the blanket around his head and body as he exited the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

He flopped face-first onto his bed with a groan. Loki laid there for a while, aggravated. He felt stupid, and reality felt fake. Nothing made sense. He eventually rolled over onto his side when he got too uncomfortable. Loki then stared at the wall until he finally closed his eyes. When he opened them, he realized he had dozed off. Curling up more comfortably on his bed, he turned his blanket into a cocoon and brought his pillow inside to cling to it. It was the most comfortable sleep he had in a while.

When he woke up, he drank some of the water Valkyrie had left him and then washed his face with the towel. After that, he got up and stretched, thinking about what he wanted to spend his day doing. He still didn't feel great, but he also didn't want to spend all day in bed. He debated seeking out Thor or even Valkyrie. Annoying them might be enough fun to leave him in a better mood. But the day had something different in mind. 

The ship's intercoms turned on. Pure static rang out for a couple of seconds before Valkyrie's voice sounded through the whole ship, "Attention ship-goers, we will be arriving at Midgard in a few hours. Please , be on your best behavior."

Loki really hoped that his good sleep would be enough to pull him through the shit that was about to head his way.

Chapter Text

Loki paced in his room for a bit, wondering what to do now. He then sat on his bed and ate away at his rations as he continued to think it over. Pestering people could be some good stress relief, but did he really want to deal with people before having to deal with more people that hate him? Loki concluded that it would be better than being bored in his room. 

Before exiting his room, Loki conjured his full leather armor back on, not wanting to risk forgetting to put it on before arriving to Midgard. He absolutely did not want to be surrounded by Shield or The Avengers without armor. Just the idea of it made him feel far too vulnerable. Though, he had to admit that, as soon as he put the armor on, he was conflicted. The weight of it calmed him, made him feel grounded. But he knew it would make him way too hot way too fast. However, he still felt safer with the armor on, so he decided he would deal with the former problem when he got to it. 

Loki checked over said armor to make sure it was secure, realizing how strange he must look as a Jotunn in Asgardian attire. He paused, curiosity buzzing around in his mind as he looked over to the bathroom. Sure, he's already seen what he looks like, but so far he hasn't done so intentionally. Would anything change if he took in his appearance with that being the sole reason for it happening?

 He slowly trekked over to the bathroom and opened the door, his gaze directed away from the mirror before he willed himself to look at his reflection. He didn't know what he was expecting honestly. Maybe a better understanding of what and who he was looking at, but he looked the same as he remembered. He wasn't disgusted as much as he thought he would be, as much as he thought he should be. But there was a heavy, sickening feeling that settled in his chest, threatening to drag him down.

The horns on his head had a weight of their own. They didn't feel much different in comparison to his helmet, so he guessed that's why he wasn't constantly aware of them. They didn't look that much like his helm though. They looked more similar to goat horns. He wondered if Frost Giants had any strategic purpose for them or if there was some other reason for them to have developed horns.

Loki decided he had enough pondering over his appearance and headed out to act on his original plan for the day: annoy someone to the point of amusement.  His targets were Thor and Valkyrie, and he didn't much care for which one he found first. Then he stops for a moment, looking over to the bed where his pillow rested. Part of him really wanted to bring it with him, to have something he felt he could rely on. But he knew it would just bring him trouble. So, he ventures out to the main part of the ship, empty handed. It was easy to pick Valkyrie out as she was near the front of the ship, managing the controls. Messing with the pilot of a ship that one occupies wouldn't be best for self-preservation, especially with the pilot being Valkyrie. But Loki concluded that Valkyrie is probably competent enough to not destroy a ship in the middle of space, even when annoyed.

She didn't notice as he approached, her back being turned towards him. Loki purposefully kept his steps quiet, hoping to spook Valkyrie the same way he had done with Thor, "What're you doing?" To Loki's disappointment, she didn't jump in shock the way Thor would have, but instead Val released an exasperated sigh as she glared at him from over her shoulder, countering with "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Valkyrie could see the disappointment on Loki's face as he spoke, "You're no fun." He then thought perhaps honesty would be best for this situation, so he continued bluntly, "I wanted to annoy you." Valkyrie gave him an unimpressed look before turning her gaze back to what she was doing, answering with a dull tone, "Try again later."

Loki sighed, head hanging low as he flopped down into a nearby chair. His head rested on one arm of the chair, his legs draped over the other. He wasn't amused at all. Sure, he could try harder to annoy Valkyrie, but he didn't want to put effort into it. He thought she would be more easily aggravated. Now he's more bored than he was before. Valkyrie paused, sensing the subtle shift in the mood. She turned around to fully look at the trickster, appearing a bit stunned, "Are you.... pouting?"

Loki gave her a half-assed glare before looking up at the ceiling as he crossed his arms, very clearly pouting, "No."

Valkyrie then threw her arms up, "Alright." Loki was confused on what that was supposed to mean, but then she was pulling him out of the chair and hauling him to his feet. Loki didn't bother to help her with the endeavor, practically being dead weight. She proceeded to shove him by his back away from the piloting area, speaking as she did so, "Go annoy someone else. Maybe that Fandral guy, as payback." Loki let Valkyrie do all the work of pushing him forward before groaning and suddenly striding off in the direction she was pushing him.

Valkyrie nearly fell forward from him suddenly moving away, righting herself as Loki responded, agitation clear in his voice, "If I do that it'll end with me stabbing him." Valkyrie sincerely hoped that wouldn't be the case since that would be a whole ordeal to manage, but she also didn't feel like trying to stop the god. So, she just hoped that the collateral damage she may have just caused would be minimal. 

Loki was fuming the longer he walked, not really having a destination in mind. His skin prickled with warmth as his rage consumed him. Just the thought of Fandral made his blood boil. His heart sped up as he imagined just how easy it would be to wipe the smug look off his face. He could practically feel the other's blood soaking his hands. Then his steps abruptly came to a stop, wheezing as he clawed at the armor covering his chest. He felt like he was on fire, and it just angered him more. He couldn't even get angry in his armor without feeling like he was burning from the inside out. 

He took in deep gasps of air, walking over to lean against a nearby wall. He felt dizzy and a bit ill. He tried pressing his head against the wall but huffed in disappointment when his horns didn't allow him to do so. Loki then turned his head so that his cheek could rest against the wall, closing his eyes and basking in the mild coolness he got from it. 

It helped calm and cool him. He took in a deep breath and released it, feeling his body become more relaxed. He gave himself a moment before opening his eyes and righting himself, blurry-eyed for a moment as his vision focused. His gaze settled on the wall before him and then ventured down to the floor, crossing the hall to the opposite wall. And that's where he saw them, that small group that harassed him the first day he woke up here. They were gawking at him, though some quickly averted their gaze. This could be fun .

Loki stalked over to them, closing the distance in a few strides. Once he came to a full stop, he placed his hands behind his back and tilted his head slightly, curious about what their reactions would be. The entirety of the group became visibly uncomfortable, which pleased Loki immensely. But all the fun went out the window when the one Loki had punched spoke, "Wh-what do you want?" What kind of reaction is this? They were uncomfortable, but it didn't seem like they planned to do anything antagonizing. Where's the fun in that? It's more boring than Valkyrie's response. Oh .. oh right, she warned them against fighting him. How anticlimactic. The god scowled at them, "You're all boring" and then continued down the hall, leaving the group to be quite confused.

The next hour or so went by relatively quickly as Loki busied himself with finding Thor. Where in the nine realms could he be? He hadn't found him anywhere and yet he felt like he had searched the entire ship at this point, discovering all sorts of interesting places, but no Thor.

He also hadn't run into Fandral or the rest of Thor's friends, which he was grateful for. Loki actually backtracked a bit to see if he had missed any obvious place. And it was during that point that he walked past a door that he could have sworn led to an empty storage room. But this time when Loki walked past it, he caught the sound of a voice- "I just don't know what's the best way to go about it." That was definitely Thor's voice.

Without any hesitation, Loki flung open the door and proceeded to walk in, "There you are! What the Hel are you doing in here?" Loki's short stride into the room came to a halt upon seeing who else was in the room. No wonder he didn't run into Fandral and the others, they were all in here, along with Korg.

Besides the people, the only thing in the room was a table and some chairs. Although, Korg was the only one making use of the chairs by sitting in one. Everyone else was standing around the table. Sif and the warriors three were on one side with Thor and Korg on the opposite. Loki narrowed his eyes at Fandral in particular before looking over to Thor as the latter spoke, "Loki, not right now. We're busy discussing something important."

Though Loki had intended to annoy his brother and likely get a similar reaction, the rejection still hurt. And apparently, it showed in his face and overall demeanor because Thor took a glance at Loki and cringed slightly before he added, "Unless you want to be added to the conversation."

"Oh, please" Fandral interjected as he gestured towards Loki while looking at Thor, "What use do we have for his jeers and emotional outbursts?"

Loki gave him a quick and seething glance, though not acknowledging him for the most part, and then looked back at Thor as he waited for an answer. Thor sighed heavily, shoulders slumping a bit before he spoke, "Well Loki is better at political endeavors than I am."

The trickster's eyes widened slightly at that, head tilting as he raised a questioning eyebrow. He was curious as to what exactly that entailed, "Political endeavors?" 

"Yes, well..." Thor trailed off, leaving the conversation open for Korg to jump in- "We're not sure how to integrate into Midgard without pissing people off and making them want to run us out."

Loki had turned his head to look at Korg as he spoke. He nodded slightly as the other finished his statement, "Ah, I see." Loki then placed his hand on the table and leaned against it, inserting himself into discussion despite the unwillingness of most people in the room, "Well, one thing is for certain, Thor needs to be the face and voice that represents the refugees." His statement was met with immediate backlash. Sif and the others all questioned him in various ways while Thor protested, "But I just said I'm not good at that!" 

Loki waved a hand in Thor's direction to dismiss his words, "I'm not saying you have to do the political heavy lifting. Others can tell you what to say or do. But people are more likely to trust someone they know rather than a complete stranger. Plus, they know that you've fought to protect them on a few occasions." Loki looks over to Thor, "So things have a better chance of going smoothly if they see that you're the one vouching for this group of strange beings they've never seen before."

Fandral slams his hands on the table, "You say that as if we haven't fought for their planet as well. And from the likes of you."

Loki looked Fandral dead in the eyes, expression completely neutral, "Too bad. They don't know you." He turned his gaze back to Thor as he placed his other hand on the table as well, "It would also be best if you got at least Stark to support your efforts. He has funds and most definitely has connections to" Loki gestured vaguely, "people... and resources." He placed his hand back down as he watched Thor think it over.

Thor placed a hand on his chin and looked to the floor as he thought for a moment, "Hmm.. that does make a lot of sense." 

Loki crossed his arms in response, "I know."

Thor nodded before looking over at the others, "Well, it looks like we at least have a plan on how to start things out." Everyone (besides Korg and Thor) let out some variant of a huff or a groan.

"You can't be serious," Sif stated agitatedly, "We've been coming up with stuff for hours and all it took was that?"

Thor simply shrugged. Sif sighed and stood up from her chair, "Fine." The room felt tense as she and the others began to leave the room. Fandral tried to shove past Loki, but the latter scooted back to dodged it with ease. Korg was the last one to leave, shuffling out the door awkwardly and leaving just the two brothers in the room.

An uncomfortable silence fell on them for a few moments. Loki looked at Thor wordlessly. He didn't care to break the silence. He knew how bothersome it was for Thor, but he was wondering if Thor was actually going to say something or just leave. Thor shifted his feet in unease before eventually saying "Uh.. thank you for that. It was helpful." And he truly was thankful, but he had no clue how to interact with his brother anymore. Actually, maybe he never knew, and was only just recently becoming aware of it. 

Loki waved off Thor's words in response and tilted his head slightly as he looked away, "Oh, please, it's not like it was difficult." It really wasn't. Loki had been learning and mastering ways of thinking outside the box and planning twenty steps ahead for eons. It came almost naturally to him at this point. It helped him prove himself. It helped him survive. 

"Right..." Thor continued, "Well, while you're here I wanted to tell you-" Oh Norns what is it this time "I.." he paused for a moment, looking away from Loki as he tried to gather his thoughts, "think it would be best for you to stay on the ship until I can convince the Avengers and Shield  that-"

"That I'm not going to kill them all and concur the world?"

"Basically."

Loki sighed and placed his hands on his hips. He didn't like being treated like he's some sort of liability, but he knew logically, especially with how the Avengers, Shield, and earth as a whole view him, that he can't just waltz onto their planet without there being a debacle. He looked at Thor as he nodded and stated "Fine."

Thor's expression turned moderately shocked, "You're ok with that?"

"No, of course not," Loki's irritation was clear as he crossed his arms and walked off to the side, wanting to pace but not feeling as though he could, "I just know it's necessary."

The older's expression sombered, "Ah.. well I appreciate your understanding."

Loki waved him off again, "Ah.." He was getting tired of all this social interaction. He hadn't even done much. And he didn't get to pester anyone! How dull. Loki decided to excuse himself from the conversation, "I'm going to be off now." And proceeded to exit the room, nodding in acknowledgement to Thor's words.

"O-oh, ok... I'll see you later then!" He called out that last part as Loki got further away. 

Loki continued down a hall, thoughts of what he should do now swimming in his head. He was done with trying to bother people for his own amusement, but now he wasn't really sure what to do with his time. He still didn't have much to do in his room. However, it felt like the safest place to retreat to. Loki was starting to become fond of the place. It at least felt consistent.

His pace grew slower as he got lost in his thoughts. He supposed he could look into the book he acquired, but he felt it would take more focus than what he currently had. And then of course, the intercom went off, "Attention all ship goers, the ship's speed will be slowed as we will be approaching Midgard's solar system shortly. Please continue to not make a ruckus on the ship, thanks."

Now that actually was something Loki was interested in. Asgard didn't have a solar system, and Loki had never really had the chance to observe one so close. There was no window in his room, but it reminded him of a particularly secluded spot on the ship where there is one. 

There was an upper floor to the ship that was pretty wide open, only holding benches that went around the trim of the wall and some built-in chairs throughout the center. The walls surrounding the place had several well sized windows. It was very much a place you come to sit and watch how space engulfed you.

Due to its open features, it wouldn't usually be a place Loki frequented to find solitude, but thanks to Loki's search of the ship to find Thor, he had discovered a couple of mostly hidden corners that appeared to remain vacant.

Loki started to make his way over to one of said corners. It was towards the back of the ship where it was still pretty open, but eventually on each back side of the ship was what looked like the beginning of a hallway. Except it would be a useless hall, that is if one expected it to lead to somewhere else in the ship. The interior wall that formed the supposed hallway and the exterior wall of the ship met at the end, creating a point like that of a triangle. A great portion of the exterior wall at the end was made of endurable glass, making a rectangular shaped window. It gave another great view of the celestial bodies.

The glass itself was embedded about a foot into the thick metal interior of the ship. It created a large cubbyhole-like area to sit in right in-front of the window. And at the bottom of the cubby jutted out a bench like structure, making even more room to sit.

Loki sat down on the bench and scooted closer to the glass, pulling his knees closer to his chest as he leaned back against the wall. He gazed out the window and observed the distant stars. Moments later, his focus fixed on his barely-there reflection. It wasn't that unsettling since he could hardly see himself. He also noted how his odd colors felt more natural on the backdrop of space.

His thoughts drifted, flowing over one another in waves. Is going to Earth really best for him? Will he ever feel at ease there? Where else would he go? Jotunhiem probably wants him dead. Would he even feel comfortable there if they didn't though? Can he feel comfortable anywhere? Although, he didn't know if he really wanted to just stay in one place. Maybe he could go back to where they got the ship supplies, learn about other places from there. Maybe he'd feel better about himself if he wasn't surrounded by Asgard. Even with it being destroyed, he could still feel its presence, in Thor, his friends, and the rest of the Asgardians. He could still feel its influence, Oden's influence, within himself.

His musing was disrupted as his vision focused out the window once more. Just outside the glass, he could see the whole solar system. Some planets were closer than others, but he could already tell that they varied in color. Based on the position of the ship, it looked as though it would be orbiting before landing instead of heading straight towards Midgard.

The first thing resembling a planet that they got closer to honestly looked more like a giant, brown spherical rock instead of a planet. Although, planets essentially were giant rocks to some extent, but this one was more so. Beyond it, though fairly close considering the greater distance between the later planets, was a much larger blue planet. It was a paler and more gray blue than his own, and an even lighter blue band wrapped around it. There also appeared to be an odd smear near the center of the planet.

Its blue coloring intrigued Loki. It truly looked astonishing. What caused its color? What kind of climate and environment laid there? He scooted over slightly so that his reflection aligned with the planet, his crimson red eyes standing out on a backdrop of blue. It transfixed him. At first, he felt wonder, and then he felt disdain. The planet looked ethereal and elegant. But he didn't. His skin was rougher and stood out more. His eyes made a harsh contrast. He looked like something out of a child's nightmare.

The blue sphere moved past Loki's reflection as the ship continued, and Loki let it.

Just a few moments later a new planet came into view. Its sheer size made Loki's jaw drop and his insecurities be forgotten. His brow furrowed in awe as he stood on his knees and got closer to the glass. It wasn't enough for the planet to be absolutely gigantic, but it also had a massive ring of space debris that surrounded it. Why is it like that? How did it get there? The planet itself was a very light yellow with some bands that varied from lighter to darker, or brownish to an orange tint. It was absolutely stunning. He wished he could get a better view. It took a little longer for this one to pass by the ship. This time Loki scooted across his seat to follow it for as long as he could.

The next several minutes consisted of relatively empty space. Though, he could still see both the same and different planets in the distance as well as more debris. It was quite calming, leading Loki to sigh in content before scooting back over to his original corner so that he could lean comfortably against the wall and rest his horns against the glass as he continued to look out into the depths of space. He closed his eyes, the deep rumbling of the ship nearly lulling him to sleep. He shot his eyes back open, willing himself to stay awake so that he wouldn't miss the following planets.

The next planet to appear was another blue one. Loki had mixed feelings towards it. It was closer in color to his own hue, but still not quite the same. It really did look astounding though. But he didn’t like seeing his reflection beside it. He was considering putting his attention elsewhere, when something caught his sight. There was another ring surrounding this planet, just not as visible. And what made it stand out was the fact that it was turned the opposite way to the first planet with rings. Loki really wanted to know why they were different. His curiosity was able to stave off his internal conflict until the planet was out of sight.

It wasn't too much longer until a new planet could be seen. Loki's eyes light up with interest. It was some distance away, but he could still tell it was the biggest out of all the previous ones. This one didn't have the outstanding rings, but it did have the most intriguing coloring so far. The planet had layers that varied between brown and white. The entirety of it had this wispy look to it. And closer to the bottom was a large orange spot. He wondered what caused it, and if it was similar to the smear on the blue planet.

Loki could see that beyond the planet there was a line of space rocks and debris. He squinted, focusing further out into the solar system until he realized it wasn't a line, but a ring similar to the one around the other planet. But this ring wrapped around part of the entire solar system instead of one planet. As he observed the interesting formation, he noticed they were getting... quite close to it.

And then the ship's alarm and red lights went off. Loki covered his ears and curled up to hide his face, shielding himself from the grating noise and lights. He didn't uncover his face and ears until it had stopped, giving way to the voice on the intercom, "Everyone secure yourselves if you haven't already! We're in for a bumpy ride."

Well that didn't sound good . Loki looked around and soon realized he didn't exactly have a way to secure himself. Oh great, this should be fun . Just as he thought that, the front of the ship careened upwards, sending Loki sliding across the window space. He managed to turn so that his back hit the opposite wall instead of face planting into it. He looked out the window to see that the ring of debris went from looking horizontal to completely diagonal. The ship then made a jagged turn, the force pressing Loki more into the glass than the wall. He could both feel and see the ship making its sharp turn up and over the border of space rocks until they were out of view. The ship then slowly righted, and Loki let out a sigh of relief as he closed his eyes and slouched against the window. 

After a moment to collect himself, Loki looked back out the window and was greeted with a familiar planet in the far distance. There was no mistaking, it was Earth. It was a mostly blue orb with splotches of brown and some green, decorated with white smudges of clouds. It was much smaller than most recent planets, yet still a considerable size both in general and when compared to the first spherical rock he saw. It looked quite different from all the others. Although, every planet stood out on its own, had their own uniqueness to them. But somehow, Earth really did look like it would be the only one to have people on it. It was covered with a massive body of water, and the pieces of land looked flourishing.

The ship started to turn, going in the opposite direction of Earth, and Loki was greeted with an affront to his eyes. The massive ball of light at the center of Midgard's solar system was not fun to look at. The Sun , as Loki recalled the name. Luckily, the glass filtered out a great portion of the obnoxious light beaming towards him, though he still avoided looking directly at it. There was yet again a period of time with no new planets in sight, all the while Loki avoided the Sun's glare. It even got so annoying to the point that Loki reluctantly decided to find a different seat.

He walked back out into the open area with the even larger window. When he had first come up here, the place had been rather crowded, but now with the ship steadily making way to its destination, everyone had left. Loki took a seat in one of the chairs nearest to the window, strapping himself in so that he wouldn't go sliding across the place if something were to happen to the ship. It wasn't too much longer until another planet came into view, but not only that, another one could just be seen farther away.

They appeared to be close in size for a moment due to the perspective, but as the ship got closer, it became clear that the nearer one was actually smaller. Not as small as the first planet, but definitely smaller than Earth. It resembled a large clump of red dirt. Nothing else about the planet really stood out, but Loki did find himself enjoying its crimson coloring. He wondered why it was easier to appreciate the color when it had nothing to do with himself.

It passed rather quickly, Loki noting that the ship may be picking up speed, and gave way to the planet behind it. With it now being the center of attention, Loki could tell that this one was about the size of Earth. It looked nothing like the living planet, however. It was an orange-red firey orb. Some parts of it were lighter, others darker. It kind of looked like a miniature sun. Loki wondered how hot it was compared to the nearby star. But soon that planet passed as well, leaving another few moments of empty space.

The next planet was by far to being the closest in size to the first one. Loki also noted that it was the closest planet to the Sun. He had to hold one hand up to shield his eyes so he could get a better look at the planet. He could just barely make out that it had a blue, almost iridescent look to it, with a few blotches of bronze. Loki found it curious how the planet nearest the Sun didn't actually resemble it, and how the system of planets seemed to start and end with such small ones. As the ship got closer to the planet, the god could see that Earth was a good distance behind it.

Shortly, both the planet and the Sun (much to Loki's delight) were out of sight, leaving just Earth in the ship's sight. Surely, we must be landing now . And he was right. The ship continued on straight for Midgard, fast enough that Loki grew slightly concerned that the ship wouldn't slow in time. Wasn't this thing supposed to be slowing down? He then considered that perhaps the gravitational pull was playing a part in it.

The arrival to Earth was quite fast, sudden even. The ship soon breached into the atmosphere. Loki wasn't prepared for just how rough the turbulence would be. His whole body tensed up. He bared his teeth and scrunched his eyes closed while his hands had a death grip on the arms of the chair. It was so loud that Loki considered letting go of the chair to cover his ears, but he really didn't want to release what he was anchoring himself to.

It only lasted a few minutes, but that was long enough for the god to question when it would be over. The insistent pressure and sound was mind-numbing. When it did stop, it was abrupt. Loki's ears were ringing. He felt like he had been yanked out of the deep depths of an ocean and brought to the surface within seconds. His body felt worn out, and his breathing was ragged. He much preferred magic over ships when it came to travel. He preferred magic to most things actually.

After releasing a deep sigh, Loki relaxed and opened his eyes, letting a familiar sight greet him. Earth. It hadn't been that long since he was last here with Thor. Even so, it still felt odd. The last two times he had come here didn't go well. That damn magician better keep his distance. Maybe things will go better this time, though Loki doubted it. What was that Midgardian saying? Third time's the charm? He gave a self-deprecating chuckle, as if that would apply to him.

Loki frowned, nothing went well for him anywhere. This will be no different. His thoughts stalled as the ship slowed, coming to a landing. He unbuckled himself from the chair but remained seated. He might as well take a few more moments to be to himself, relatively peacefully, before things went to shit. Maybe he could help Thor make a settlement for the refugees before he had to flee to some other place in the universe.

Chapter Text

When Loki finally made his way out of the second floor, he headed towards the main part of the ship. Once there, he immediately became aware of how crowded it was. Swarms of people were gathered all throughout, from one end to the other.

Loki took a few steps back, keeping himself at a distance in a hall with his back pressed against a wall. The noises and chattering and movement were too much. He covered his ears and sank down to the floor as he glared out into the ocean of people. None of them noticed him, too eager and restless with wanting to get off the ship.

The floor was not the most comfortable place to be, especially with how Loki was sitting, knees tucked to his chest. He was considering going back to his room when he heard what had to be Thor's voice shouting over the crowd's. Thor wasn't visible from Loki's position, but the latter did uncover his ears to listen once the noise had quieted down.

Thor was explaining their situation, that there were warriors of Midgard outside to assess the situation. The god made it clear that everyone was to be on their best behavior so that they would have a good chance at being welcomed here. And then slowly but surely, more and more of the refugees were led out by, Loki assumed, Thor, Korg, and Valkyrie.

Loki poked his head around the corner and watched silently until most of them were gone. Then he left the safety of his hallway to be out in the open, still keeping a distance from what was left of the crowd. He observed as Korg and Valkyrie led out the last few people, Thor must have been outside doing the talking. Wonder how that must be going .

Loki walked closer to the two, hearing them speak, and seeing Valkyrie look over her shoulder towards him, but not quite able to decipher what was being said. By the time Loki reached the other side of the ship, Korg had exited. However, Valkyrie did not. She took a few steps away from the exit, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall. Loki huffed lightly as he made his way over to her.

"Are you here to keep me in check?" He asked bluntly, a bitter edge to his tone. 

Valkyrie gave him the benefit of looking his way as she answered, "That, or you could call it keeping you company." Her voice had no amusement, but no hostility either.

Loki sighed, crossing his arms as well as he leaned back against the opposite wall. The area that led to the exit was more narrow compared to the center of the room, making it so that neither of the two would have to shout to be heard. The exit itself was actually a few feet off the ground with a large ramp leading to the earth floor. The angle made it to where Loki couldn't easily be seen, luckily.

The god could just barely see some slivers of grass. Open space was so close. And yet, he couldn't leave. 

Time passed slowly, neither of the two speaking. There was a lack of the ships’ usual rumble with it being stationary. The silence was near mind numbing. Loki wondered just how long it would be until he could come out, and then he realized how irrational he was being. Of course he wasn't leaving the ship today. What was he thinking? Thor probably didn't plan to even bring Loki up until most of New Asgard was settled.

With a groan, Loki pushed himself away from the wall he leaned on, "I'm going back to my room." He informed Valkyrie, not wanting her to question him. Valkyrie watched after him until Loki turned the corner down the hall that would eventually lead him to his room. Loki busied himself with thoughts of how to stay occupied instead of dreading on just how long he might be stuck on this ship. He was just a few feet away from his room when he saw Fandral come striding out of it, a snide smirk on his face. The smug expression only increased once he caught sight of Loki.

The god froze in his tracks, a pit of dread and fury settling in his stomach. He doesn’t even know what exactly the man was doing in there, but Loki already wants to rip Fandral apart for it. Loki stood his ground there for a moment intending to let Fandral come to him, but the other remained standing outside of his room. Loki almost admired his brash stupidity.

Loki stalked over to Fandral, cold and calculated. His calm mannerisms masking the danger Fandral was in. Like a storm whose deadliness is not realized until it’s upon you. Once he was close, he snarled, “What the hel are you doing?” His concealed anger dripping into his words like venom.

Fandral, in all his hubris, didn’t lose his arrogant expression. “I figured you wouldn't be using your room anymore since we're on Midgard. I mean it's not like you'll be staying on the ship indefinitely, right?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall leisurely before acting as if he had a realization. “Oh, wait!" He leaned closer to Loki, smirk still plastered on his face, "You're not actually welcome here, are you?"

Through Fandral’s spiel, Loki’s fists clenched in barely contained rage. Yet his expression remained eerily neutral. He strode past Fandral in a surly manner to look into his room. His heart sank. There wasn’t any part of the room that went undamaged. The furniture was broken, walls splattered with food, drink, and Norns know what else, the bedding was torn and covered in the same filth. And of course, his pillow wasn’t spared.

Loki stood there for a moment in shock, fully processing what he was seeing. One of the only damn things he found comfort in, ruined by Fandral. Of course it was. It’s not that he’s surprised that Fandral would do such a thing. He’s just so tired of having everything ripped away from him. His fists shook slightly in anger, but his expression remained blank. He turned to face Fandral, holding the other’s gaze with a dead stare.

Fandral's smug expression faltered as Loki's expression continued to remain empty, crimson-red eyes drilling into him. And then in a flash, before he had time to react, Loki lashed out. His arm swung with a brute force, ice-covered claws tearing through Fandral's face. Everything seemed to slow down, nearly halting. Blood gushed from the deep wound on Fandral's face. He looked to be in pure shock, not yet processing the pain. The same blood stained Loki's iced-over nails and splattered through the air.

Loki's expression didn't seem to change much between the attack and the mere seconds before it. But Fandral could see that his widened eyes burned with murderous intent. Nothing else existed to Loki, the only thing around was Fandral, and the only thing Loki wanted to do was tear him apart.

Everything seemed to speed up exponentially then.

Fandral fell to the floor, clutching his face and trying to choke out a scream of pain. He proceeded to fumble against the ground before stumbling as he frantically stood, scattering for his only clear way of escape: outside. He hurriedly took off down the hall. He was panting and huffing as he ran, Loki right at his heels.

The god snarled and growled as he chased after Fandral, his body already burning from exertion, but it only fueled the urge to keep running. Fandral turned the corner, quickly followed by Loki. The former spotted Valkyrie close to the center of the room. She had heard the commotion, was making her way to check on Loki, and now had said commotion coming her way. She couldn't get a clear view with how fast he was running, but Valkyrie could tell that Fanddral had a gnarly wound on his face. She made an educated guess that it came from the god currently hunting the man down.

Fandral didn’t stop, not wanting to risk Loki catching up before Valkyrie could do anything. He rushed by her, Loki doing the same but with much more force in his steps.

Valkyrie whirled around as the two ran past her, trying to think of what to do quickly, “Loki!”

Loki didn’t hear her, mind narrowed onto the only thing that currently mattered to him, but even if he had heard, he wouldn’t have paid it any attention. Valkyrie attempted to grab at the god, but he was too quick, leading her to charge after them.

Fandral slowed down as he went down the ramp to keep himself from falling. He bolted out into the open where the refugees and Midgardians were, shouting frantically, "He's trying to kill me!"

Loki used the ramp to his advantage, letting the gravity propel him further faster, before he skid to a halt just a couple of feet to Fandral's side. He then lunged at the other, knocking him to the ground with full force. Loki straightened himself, his nails started to dig into Fandral's neck and shoulders as Loki prepared to rip through his flesh.

But before he could, someone bulldozed into him. An elbow harshly dug into his ribs before the blow sent him sprawling across the ground several feet away. The force of the hit and landing made the world spin and his side ache. Loki's mind whirled as he processed what had happened. He groaned, gritting his teeth and clenching his eyes before he rolled onto his back. When he blinked open his eyes, he was met with the sight of Valkyrie standing over him with a frenzied look.

She was breathing shakily, eyes wide, before she shouted sternly, "Stay down, Loki!" She was clearly angry, but there was also an urgency to her voice. Valkyrie silently scolded herself for using the god's name. Now everyone knew.

The sudden pain and disorientation from Val knocking Loki over actually had him in a daze that pulled him out of his vicious mindset. But the anger and violence crept back in when Loki saw Fandral move out of the corner of his eye. 

Loki snapped his head in Fandral's direction and snarled, clawing at the ground as he made to get up. Luckily, Valkyrie was able to act first this time. She withdrew a blade that was concealed in her armor and aimed it at Fandral, "Don't you dare move!"  The fact that Valkyrie was at least not on Fandral's side helped quell Loki's rage.

"B-but I-" Fandral stammered, hand still clutching his face as he cowered on the ground. 

"Save it!" She snapped, scowling down at him. She noticed that Fandral's wounds were already starting to heal. She was grateful for it since it meant no one would know exactly how bad Loki's attack had been. When Fandral didn't attempt to move or speak, Valkyrie glanced back at Loki. She was trying to figure out a way to handle the situation, but it was too late. Practically everyone had seen what happened, including Thor, the rest of the Avengers, and some Shield agents.

Thor was the first to walk over to them, bellowing out, "What in Odin's name are you doing?" Valkyrie looked to Thor, not knowing what explanation to give even though the question wasn't directed towards her. Loki didn't move for a moment. A worn out feeling in his body started to settle in. But it wasn't long until he was dragging himself to his feet. Valkyrie's grip on her sword tightened, but she didn't brandish it towards the god. Loki had not given an answer or even glanced at Thor by the time he righted himself, so Thor spoke out again, yelling at the other.

"I told you I would do what I could to help, but you just can't help ruining things!"

Loki was quick to glare at Thor, "Don't get mad at me!" He held his brother's gaze silently for a moment, letting his hatred, his rage, his anguish, his retribution seep into his words. His hand pointed down to Fandral, "Get mad at your friends for once!" Thor had no response. Loki let the silence become uncomfortable, deafening, before he started to turn away, numbly saying, "I'm going back to the ship."

Neither Thor nor Valkyrie tried to stop him, the former wearing a pained expression. Loki made it to the ramp, one foot stepping onto it when Stark, clad in his Iron Man suit, landed right in front of him. Loki narrowed his eyes at the man, "Get out of my way, Stark," his cool and biting tone hiding how exhausted he felt.

"Uh, yeah... No, I can't do that, Rudolf. Not going to let you just waltz away after that incident." He gestured vaguely to behind Loki where said incident occurred. Loki glared at him and then turned halfway to look back at Thor while not completely having his back to the hero. He could now see that the rest of the Avengers and Shield agents had made a wide circle around him. He was surrounded. And Thor was just standing there.

"Well?" Loki asked when it was clear Thor wasn't going to speak on his own terms. Angry tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

Thor held Loki's gaze with a mournful look, "You could have made things easier for yourself."

Loki let out a resentful huff of a laugh as he blinked his tears away, "Fine." A bitter smile remained as the god walked to the center of the wide circle before tossing his hands up, "Do what you want. I don't care." And for several moments, before anyone did anything, The Avengers and agents glanced at each other. They were confused, suspicious, surely it can't be that easy. But Loki continued to stand there, simply putting his hands down as he waited with a bored expression. His smile had dropped, too tired to keep it up.

It was Stark that used thick, supposedly anti-magic, metal cuffs to bind Loki's hands in front of himself. Stark then brought Loki over to a group of Shield agents before going over to discuss what to do with Loki with Thor and the other Avengers. The god thought of how stupid that was. Cuffs or no, he could easily deal with a few agents if he wished. He looked around, taking in the situation since he had nothing better to do. He noticed the director didn't appear to be there. Interesting.

Loki looked over to one of the Shield members and leaned just a bit more into their space, "What happened to your one-eyed leader? Did he die?" The agent jumped slightly and spun their head in Loki's direction, clearly taken off guard. But they quickly regained their composure, straightening themself and looking away as they didn't answer.

Loki then turned his gaze to an agent on his opposite side. The agent was visibly uncomfortable, and Loki planned to get a rise out of them for it, but of course, Thor had to ruin his fun. 

"Loki! Stop that!" The thunder god stormed over to his brother and grabbed the younger's arm, pulling him away from the agents and towards the Avenger's jet, "We're taking you to Stark Tower until we have a proper place to put you."

Loki grimaced at the harsh grip on his arm, stumbling in the direction Thor pulled him until he planted his feet firmly on the ground. Thor glared back at Loki accusingly and then paused. The look on Loki's face was one he should be used to by now. But even with how angry Thor could get at him, seeing how hurt his brother looked always made the god question himself. "You're going to lock me away somewhere?" Loki knew, logically, not treating him like some sort of criminal wouldn’t make sense given his reputation on earth, and yet… it hurt.

The sorrow and betrayal in Loki’s voice made Thor falter, resulting in his unsure answer, "I don't know." He hated being the reason for Loki's pain, but he had no clue what else to do. Thor told Loki to stay on the ship, and Loki agreed! Yet, he didn't follow through with it. "I'll figure something out." It felt like a lie, and he knew Loki could see that, but he sincerely hoped it would become a reality. He loosened his grip as he continued to direct Loki towards the jet. 

Loki's chest hurt at Thor's last words. It reinforced his thoughts on how hopeless it was to try to stay here. He decided he would have to leave as soon as he had the energy for it.

When they made it over to the jet, the others were already gathered outside of it waiting for them. Most of them glared at Loki before entering the jet, minus Banner who just looked exhausted. Thor and Loki entered last, Thor sitting the other at his right side. Once Loki was sat, Stark grabbed the chain on the cuffs and attached them to a metal loop that stuck out of the bottom of the seat, forcing Loki's hands to remain in his lap. Said god just raised an eyebrow, not bothering to point out how doing that was practically useless.

The exit to the jet was beginning to close when came the unexpected voice of Valkyrie, "Hold up!" She hurled herself inside, the exit closing moments later.

"What are you doing? Someone needs to stay with the-" Thor questioned, but Valkyrie cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Korg can handle it. I wanna watch the chaos unfold." She proceeded to take a seat at Thor's left side. The thunder god sighed but didn't bother arguing further. Loki looked her way briefly, knowing she wasn't giving the actual reason she wanted to tag along.

Loki then busied himself with looking around the small space of the earth ship, noticing that there were two people furthest away from him that he didn't recognize. One was on the left side of the jet, his suit mostly gray with some red. It also appeared to have some strange contraption on the back. The second sat across from the other, wearing a gray and black suit of armor that was very similar to Iron Man. Stark must be close to that one then .

Loki didn't care that his staring was obvious. He had already gained the honor of being considered the biggest threat in the room, so it didn't really matter. He was curious. They weren't wearing Shield uniforms. So they were Avengers? If so, how did they come to joining? If not, how come they were in such good contact?

The jet starting to take off drew Loki's attention elsewhere. He looked ahead, Stark being seated across from him, and he was greeted with the sight of the man staring right at him. His face plate was now off, showing his contemplating face as he had his chin resting on his hand and elbow resting on the arm of his seat. 

Loki blinked in confusion and stared back, taking it as a challenge. Stark seemed to have no issue with Loki's staring. Eventually, Stark drawled out, "Sooo..." and then paused. For dramatic effect? To gather his words? Loki knew not. The man was strange to him. And then he finally continued as he gestured to Loki's overall person, "What is wrong with you? Why are you blue?" Loki was taken back, not by the question per say (he could see it coming), but because it was worded and enunciated... rather oddly.

Loki then glanced over to Barton, a couple of seats away from Stark, as said man snorted and chuckled. Then the hawk spoke, "Oh my god, Tony, you can't just ask someone why they're blue." Loki's brow furrowed as he tilted his head slightly, his confusion thickening. Barton's tone was also strange, but he had no idea why.

Stark understood apparently. He looked absolutely scandalized as he pointed a threatening finger towards Barton, "Don't you Mean Girls my Breaking Bad reference!"

Huh?

"Mean Girls is superior." Romanov threw in from her spot to Loki's left. Loki glanced at her quickly before looking back at Stark to try to keep up with the situation. He noticed out of the corner of his eye as the widow smirked, seemingly amused with his confusion.

Stark was seemingly passionate about the subject at hand as he was getting louder, "How can either of you believe such a thing!?"

"I think you may be a bit too emotionally invested in Breaking Bad, Tony." Came from the iron-clad man that Loki didn't know.

They continued to bicker, more of them chiming in. Loki glanced over to Thor, hoping he could make sense of the madness that was occurring, but all Thor did was shrug and mouth "It's an earth thing." Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. He was surrounded by people that occasionally spoke absolute nonsense. Loki leaned over further to look at Valkyrie, who looked just as perplexed. Well, that was a comfort at least.

"Anyway! We're getting off track. You," Stark pointed at Loki and the god's attention snapped back instantly, "Why are you.... of a certain hue?" Loki could see that Thor was trying to signal for Stark to drop it. So, of course Loki had to get something out of this.

"You mean Thor hasn't told you?" Loki wasn't sure what emotions he had towards that, but he knew they weren't positive.

"Uuh..." Tony glanced to Thor, suddenly feeling like he should have listened to the god's warning, "Well, I mean we know you're adopted-"

"I don't think that's the proper word for it," Loki interjected bluntly.

Thor was quick to question his words, "What do you mean by that?"

Loki looked at Thor as he spoke, the bitter smile returning with a threatening edge, "I mean I highly doubt he took me in out of the kindness of his heart."

Thor argued, defending his point, "You don't know that. He rescued you. You would have died if it wasn't for him."

Loki snapped back, voice getting louder, "He should have left me to die."

Loki's words were sharp and stung both him and Thor. Loki because he knew it was true, and here he was suffering over it. Thor because he just couldn't bring himself to accept that, and he couldn't believe Loki would say such a thing. There's no way Loki actually believes that, right? He was just trying to get under the older's skin.

"Don't say that." His voice stern, scolding Loki for his words.

Loki let out a short and piercing laugh, finding amusement in the situation even as his hands shook with malice, "Or what? You'll lock me away?" His last question was laced with condescending venom. It's not like Thor could do anything worse than what he's already experienced.

Thor was at a loss for words but continued to scowl at Loki. Loki stared back, challenging the other to prove him wrong.

Tony waved his hand in front of them to defuse the tension, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This is somehow more family drama than I expected." Loki and Thor both looked back at him as he placed a hand on his chin and thought, "What makes you so sure all-daddy didn't take you in for a good reason?"

"Because I'm a Frost Giant." He said as if it answered everything. And really, it did. But Stark didn't understand, "Uh..."

Loki could see the gears turning in his head, so he decided to help further. 

"Asgard was at war with the Frost Giants. And Odin found me at the end of it. You're a genius, I'm sure you can squeeze together a coherent thought to figure out why it proves my point." Loki watched as the man's face contorted, cringing as he did in fact piece together some implications. Though Loki couldn't see it, Valkyrie also winced, knowing the bloody history between the Aesir and Frost Giants.

Stark hesitated before trying to rectify the situation, "Maybe... he planned to make peace with them?" 

"If he wanted peace, he could have made it." Loki declared. With the amount of resentment that still remained prevalent amongst Asgard, there was no way Odin cared for peace with Frost Giants.

A cruel smirk made its way onto Barton's face, unable to resist putting salt in the wound of the god he despises, "Maybe he planned to marry you off to Thor." Loki made a show of dramatically gagging. But Barton still continued, "I mean, you were so insistent he's not your brother. So that makes it fine, right?" Loki pulled at the chains binding his hands, but didn't break them, before glaring at the man.

With malice in his voice, he snarled, "Would you please shut up." Loki wanted to strangle him. How dare he suggest such a thing.

"Yes, please" Thor added, "For my sake."

Barton sighed as he slouched in his seat, "Fine, fine."

"Guys," Said the other man that Loki didn't know, "maybe don't antagonize the god while we're in a flying jet."

Loki tilted his head in the unknown person's direction, "You should listen to that one."

Stark waved the man off, "Oh, come on Sam. We've got it all handled."

Loki mentally cataloged the name to the person. He also noticed as Rogers made a face at the statement, clearly he didn't think Stark should boast. And Loki agreed, thinking he should bring Stark's confidence down to an appropriate level.

He quickly yanked at the cuffs, causing the chain to loudly clank against the metal loop. The sudden sound caused Stark to jerk, his arm moving to ready his blaster in a second, and in the next second he paused as he realized Loki wasn't actually doing anything. He scowled at the god. Meanwhile, Loki gave a mischievous smirk as he held the other's gaze, "All handled is it?"

The room became tense as Loki went on, "You know I could easily kill you, right?"

"Loki," Thor warned. He was paid no mind to.

"Or I could just kill myself and be done with this whole disaster. It would be easier."

"Loki-"

He continued, tone neutral as if he was talking about the weather, "Then there's also the option of killing everyone in here, including myself, all at once. Which would be harder to pull off but overall impressive."

Thor slammed his fist against the arm of Loki's seat as he bellowed, "Enough!"

Loki rolled his eyes, but remained silent as he redirected his gaze to the floor. His gaze stayed glued to the floor even as Banner strained out, "Please.... could everyone just.. continue to be quiet?" Judging by the silence from everyone else, Loki assumed that Banner's alter-ego was threatening to emerge. He wasn't particularly wary of the Hulk. But he didn't necessarily want to deal with him, especially in an aircraft miles above the ground. So, he didn't bother speaking for the rest of the flight.

Loki realized that the jet's rumble was similar to the ship's, and he got lost in it, zoning out into his thoughts. He tried to think of places he could run off too, but didn't come up with many desirable options. He thought of Asgard, and then pulled himself away when the grief and anger became too much.

A dark, painful memory flashed across his mind, and he quickly buried it away again. His hands shook for a moment, and he hoped no one would notice. Looking down at his hands, he noticed that one was still stained with Fandral’s blood; which was now mostly dried with some stuck under his nails. His face scrunched with distaste, I should really wash that off soon .

Loki’s attention was then drawn to the floor, the visible round heads of screws reminding him of the planets he saw. He wondered if he could learn more about them before he left.

Rather abruptly to Loki, the jet landed. Sam was the first one to stand up and speak, "Alright, I'm calling an Avengers meeting."

Stark, in the process of standing, responded, "Uh... Ok?"

"Outside of the jet," Sam clarified.

Stark was about to question why, but Loki beat him to it, "He wants to discuss very important Avengers business without my presence." 

Sam neither denied nor confirmed it, but at this point his reasoning was clear. He started ushering everyone out of the jet insistently, "Come on, come on, out, out."

Valkyrie was the last to get off the jet, looking over her shoulder to say to Loki, "I'm gonna... go" as she gestured to the leaving group.

Loki waited until she had walked away to sarcastically reply with, "Thanks."

Once everyone was huddled together, Sam took in a deep breath before sighing, "So... are we all aware that this is not a good situation?"

"Uh, yeah, clearly." Came from Clint.

"Yeah, I know, but are we all thinking it for the same reason? Like, he's clearly mentally unstable, with how easily he just jumps into the idea of killing others or himself, and I for one would like to know why."

Valkyrie stepped forward. "I think I have the answer to at least one of those things." Thor looked at her questioningly, and Valkyrie met his gaze, "Look... Thor, I don't know if you don't recognize the signs or if you're just hoping it's something else, but Loki is clearly berserk."

"What? No.. no he's not. That's not possible."

"What are you talking about?" Tony questioned, his curiosity rising.

"There's recorded cases of Asgardian soldiers ‘going berserk’ as they call it during or after war. Something inside them just.. snaps. They start killing anything they deem a threat until they're killed themselves. You can see it in their eyes when they go berserk, and I've seen that look on Loki's face. I've seen how something will trigger him and then all he wants to do is rip someone apart."

Thor disputed, "But Loki was never involved in anything like a war. So there's no way that's the case." 

"Well, are you sure?” Tony asked, “Could him finding out about his… heritage not have the same effect?"

"No.. well.. I don't think so.. I wasn't there for the entirety of it. Though, I do know he killed his birth-father and fought against my friends-"

"He what?" Bruce uttered, sounding stunned.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait.” Steve raised his hands, trying to wrap his mind around what Thor just revealed, “He found out he was a Frost Giant and then killed his Frost Giant dad?"

"Well, he actually planned to destroy all of the Frost Giants."

"Oh, my god." Steve mumbled.

Bruce sighed as he placed his head in his hands, "It's somehow gotten worse."

Most of the group was now sharing equal levels of shock, not expecting that sort of disaster of events to be what led to the invasion.

"What does it matter?” Clint started, his disdain for the god too great to feel any real shock at the reveal, “I get that you're a therapist and all, Sam, but he's fucked in the head either way, he's killed people."

Sam took a moment, taking in everything before he answered, "I'm not denouncing that, but I wanna know how he got to that point, especially if we're going to have to manage him... Maybe that was a tipping point. I mean, it did lead him to attack New York. Surely that counts as a war, right?"

Thor sighed as he looked away, "I'm not sure.."

"Why not?"

"Because.. one important factor to becoming berserk is having your life at stake. We fought Loki, but his life was never in any true danger."

"Are you sure?" Stark asked.

"What are you implying?" Thor sounding a bit defensive.

"Not from us I mean, him being a god and all.” Tony clarified, “But those Chitauri freaks didn't just spawn into existence just to serve him, yeah? Are we sure he had like.. no skin in the game?"

Thor was not familiar with this particular phrase Stark used, but he could piece together what the other meant, "I... don't know."

"What do you mean?” Steve voiced with confusion, “You don't know anything?"

"I mean... between learning he's a Frost Giant, falling into Ginnungagap-"

"Ginnungawhat?" Tony asked, bewildered.

"The emptiness between space."

"Ah.. so the fucking void? "

"Aye.. that along with after the void, and the attack on New York, he hasn't really spoken about any of it."

"That's like... fifty shades of red flags." Rhodey chimed in.

"Dear god." Natasha mumbled, already wanting to be done with this whole Loki situation.

"Well, no wonder he's fucking berserk." Tony proclaimed.

"Ok…” Sam once again took a moment to think and gather his words, “Given.. all of that ," He gestures vaguely, "I think it would be best that we don't necessarily treat him like a prisoner."

"Sam-" Clint interjected.

"I'm not saying you need to try to get along with him, Clint, or even be nice to him. I just think we shouldn't antagonize him. Not just for his safety, but for our own."

A silence dawned on them, all processing the situation at hand. Housing Loki was somehow going to be an even harder challenge than originally anticipated.

Back to Loki, he was losing his mind to boredom. He released a heavy sigh as his head lolled against the back of his chair, contemplating what to do. It felt like it had been ages since he had been left to his own devices. He wondered what exactly was being discussed about him. Loki considered finding a way to amuse himself before deciding he had enough.

He pulled at the cuffs until the chain broke, freeing him from the seat. He made his way out of the jet, taking in his surroundings. They were up so high, towering over hundreds of other shiny buildings. It wasn't much different from the last time he had been here. Memories of the invasion started to come back to him, and he pushed them away. He made his way around the corner of the jet until he spotted the group. Loki noticed that Thor had his back to him, which gave the trickster an idea.

He quietly crept up behind Thor. As he got closer, he could hear the end of what Thor was saying, "I just don't want to make things worse..." No one else spoke. They all drew quiet when they noticed the god approaching them. Thor, who was confused by the silence, picked up on that they were all looking at something behind him. He turned around and proceeded to jump slightly with Loki standing barely a foot away from him, "Loki! Stop that!"

A mischievous smirk made its way onto Loki's face, "But it's fun." He leaned to the side to look past Thor and to the others, "Discussing what to do with me, are we?"

Stark was quick to deny it, "No, we're not."

"Well there's no use lying about it," Loki insisted, easily seeing through it.

"What-"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Loki pressed, "What about me screams gullible? Also, I'm the god of lies, you fool! Lying to me will not be of any use to you."

"Well, Odin seemed to get away with it just fine." Came the smug, near proud, voice of Barton. Everyone else cringed (minus Romanov), Thor hissing through his teeth as even he realized that was a step too far. The others cringed more so out of concern for Loki's reaction rather than remorse for what it would make him feel.

Loki glared at the man, feeling rage ignite in his veins. Stark, feeling uneasy with the tension, approached Loki, "Ya know what, I'm putting the cuffs back on you."

Loki looked back to Stark and then raised one hand. He shook his wrist so that the loose chain rattled against the cuff, "They're still on." He gloated. A smirk reappearing on his face, amused with the frustrated glare Stark sent his way. Really, the self-proclaimed genius should know better, "They're not actually doing anything, you know?" Loki dramatically extended his arms to Stark, "But if it will make you feel better." The smirk never left, and all that did was further Stark's frustration. Loki knew it, and oh, how he basked in it. He practically beamed with satisfaction.

Stark raised a finger to Loki's face as he spoke, the god's eyes narrowing from how close he pointed, "You know what?" Loki tuned out the rest. He did not like being pointed at. In an act of impulse, Loki snapped at Stark's hand. The other snatched his hand away before the god's teeth nabbed him, looking absolutely stunned, flabbergasted even, "Did you just... try to bite me?"

Loki simply shrugged, plainly saying, "I don't like being pointed at."

Stark was about to escalate things, start a silly argument that would get much too serious much too fast. Sam decided it would be best for himself to step in, "Alright, hold on," He walked over to them, placing a hand on Tony's shoulder as he just slightly stood between the two. He took a moment, contemplating the options as he looked over Loki. Loki looked back at him, a small sneer forming. He felt like he was being challenged by the unknown person, and he sure as Hel wasn't going to stand for it. But then Sam spoke, "Let's take the cuffs off, actually."

Tony, along with everyone else, faltered the same moment Loki's eyes widened. Loki was taken back. He felt even more confused than when the drivel was being spoken on the jet. His brow furrowed as he inspected the man, looking for some plot or angle that he may be hiding. But under all of Loki's scrutiny, he seemed genuine. Loki couldn't understand why. Perhaps he was too naive, considering he hadn't dealt with Loki personally. He supposed it didn't matter, he just needed to play his cards right.

"I don't believe I know you." He started, prompting Sam to answer.

"Oh, um..." He awkwardly extended his hand, hoping the greeting would be understood, "Sam Wilson, recent addition to the Avengers."

Loki looked down at Wilson's hand as he hesitated. He felt odd towards the greeting, but he knew how to be formal. Stiffly, but with a graceful edge to it, Loki extended his hand as well, allowing Wilson to be the one to actually join their hands together, "Loki, but I assume you know that."

Wilson gave a short and firm nod, "Yeah... you're kinda part of the induction videos for becoming an Avenger." He chuckled, only half joking. There wasn't an induction per say, but he had been shown footage of the New York invasion in order to give him an idea of what would be expected of him as an Avenger.

Loki didn't understand the context, but he could gather that, somehow, someway, he was involved in the whole "becoming an Avenger" process. He let go of Wilson's hand, "I suppose I should feel honored," he said with a tilt of his head. It was strange, being the reason for a group of so-called heroes to come together. So of course he needed to point it out. He looked behind Wilson to the rest of the Avengers with a wolfish grin, "Do I not get a thank you for my service of bringing you all together?"

The question got him a wave of scowls and glares. Tony looked to Sam, "Do I have to?" referring to the cuffs.

Sam raised his hand, "Just trust me on this, alright."

Tony huffed and groaned, looking between the two to glance at Sam and glare at Loki. Then he grated out, "Fiiine," sounding like an edgy teen agreeing with his parents. He made to remove the cuffs, but Loki took a step back.

"I believe I can do that for you." Loki proceeded to rip off the cuffs with hardly any effort. Then he reached out to grab Stark's wrist before the other could react, placing the scraps of metal in his hand. Stark gawked down at the broken cuffs in his hand and then glared up at Loki, being met with a snarky and self-fulfilled smile.

Tony was going to give a cocky remark, but Loki looked past him before he could, "Who are you, if I may ask?" Tony quickly deduced that he must be referring to Rhody. Feeling defensive, he turned to look at his friend, ready to come to his aid. But Rhody gave a curt wave as he answered, "Rhody Rhodes, not so recent addition."

"Ah," Loki nodded as he took in the information before glancing back to Sam, "Well I appreciate your favor, Wilson." He allowed his sincerity to be clear, even though it may not be believed. He figured showing appreciation would do more good than harm at this point. Plus, he wouldn't want to antagonize the one making his situation more bearable. At least, not until it was necessary.

Amidst the exchanges, another strange man opened a door to the balcony the rest of them occupied, interrupting any conversations from continuing, "So are you guys all just hanging out here or...?" The man was rather tall with broad shoulders, a similar build to the Captain. But unlike the Captain, he had short stubble and near shoulder-length brown hair. Perhaps he was another Avenger? Though his slouched posture and groggy expression told Loki he had not been awake for long. And Avenger or not, he clearly wasn't dressed for any... avenging. He wore a simple black shirt, loose-fitting gray pants, and a pair of white socks. Ah, what bold color choices .

His gaze then settled on the man's left arm, which was holding a steaming mug. It appeared to be covered in a silver material. Wait, no... He had an entire metal arm. How curious.

"Bucky," Came from Rogers, his tone mixed with fondness and consideration. Loki concluded that they were definitely closer to each other than the rest of the Avengers.

"We're kinda in the middle of something," Stark said much more snappily. Of course, he was irritated due to Loki, but the god sensed there was something else there to cause him to get so testy.

"Actually," Wilson added, "we can move this inside." He gestured his hands in a waving motion to usher everyone into the building, "Come on, come on, no need to not take advantage of air conditioning." Loki was actually third to last to go inside, behind him being Thor and then finally Stark.

Loki couldn't pinpoint the exact reason, but Wilson was wanting to change locations for more than just 'air conditioning.' He probably hoped it would ease some of the tension. Though, Loki didn't see how bringing him into the living space would make them feel better. Oh . He was trying to make Loki feel more comfortable. But why go inside? Did he pick up on or just assume Loki's heat intolerance? Could he sense that he was getting antsy with the open space? Just how perceptive was he?

Loki stored those inquiries away for later in favor of approaching the so-called 'Bucky.' Loki, for all his curiosity and mischief, never went out of his way to harm random people. At least, not without reason. So he figured he should ask for permission to ask the other intrusive questions, "May I ask about your arm?"

Bucky looked at the god in surprise, taken back by any form of interaction when he was still muddled from sleep but also curious to Loki's approach and question. He blinked twice, trying to make himself more alert, before he mumbled, "Uh... yeah, sure.. ask away."

Now, while harm was not intended, Loki wasn't one to shy away from chaos. But harm and chaos seemed to be two sides of the same coin in many cases. Loki knew this. Had personal experience with it. But he just couldn't help himself. It was in his nature. With a slight tilt to his head and hands behind his back to appear more formal, he asked with genuine interest, "What happened to it?"

Immediately, as if he had just committed the worst atrocity known to man, Thor and Rogers were reprimanding him, both shouting, "Loki!"

Said god whirled his head in their direction, raising his hands in mock-surrender as his brows furrowed in confusion, "What? I asked first. What more do you want?"

Rogers, who looked the most displeased with Loki's question, took a step towards him, "You're backing him into a corner."

Loki rolled his eyes, "Oh please, if anyone is cornered here, it's me!" he gestured towards himself. "And besides, if he doesn't want to answer, he can just punch me. I don't mind."

"Actually," Bucky started, sounding rather monotone, "I'm more of a stabbing sort of person myself."

Loki looked back to him, feeling utterly perplexed for the third time today. Not only was the man not showing any ill will towards him, but he was playing along with Loki's banter. But why? Why were two of these Avengers not showing any animosity? It must have to do with neither of them having fought Loki before.

No matter the reason, Loki quite liked the other's jest. He gave an amused huff as a genuine smirk formed, "I approve." The god could relate to his preference of stabbing, "And who might you be, exactly?"

"I don't think-" Rogers started, but Bucky cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"Don't worry about it, Steve." With that, he fully faced the god as he gave his explanation, his voice a bit more animated, "The name's James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky." He then extended his hand to shake Loki's.

What is it with these people and handshakes? It must be akin to bowing in Asgard, but, in Loki's humble opinion, bowing is much less awkward. Nevertheless, he extended his hand in a smoother manner than last time. As he shook Barnes' hand, he calmly stated, "I will do no such thing, but I appreciate the offer. Much too personal for my taste."

"Ah, that's fine," Barnes responded, genuinely not taking offense, "As far as the arm goes... I fell off a train. Which happened to be on a cliff." His tone made it seem as if it was a casual thing to bring up.

Loki's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Norns! And you lived?" His question was genuine as he knew humans weren't exactly the most durable under many circumstances.

Barnes raised and shook his hand oddly as he mumbled, "Eh."

Well, Loki could deduce what that meant.  But how had he survived? Pure luck? Outside forces? Now that he thought about it, perhaps he had similar powers to Rogers. It would explain the similar build and their familiarity. But wasn't Rogers supposed to be the only one like that?

Barnes then disrupted Loki's string of thoughts, "I don't want to get into it any further," A twinge of discomfort in his voice.

"Fair enough." Loki replied. He didn't mind not pressing the conversation. Though, he was still curious and wanted answers. But he could try to get them at a more appropriate time. Maybe he could get some enjoyment from this hellscape before he left it for good.

"Welp," Wilson clapped his hands together as he observed the end of their conversation, "I think we need to get you settled in somewhere."

Loki couldn't help but sigh and roll his eyes, "And what cell would you have me in?"

Wilson raised his hands in a defensive manner, "Actually, I was thinking you could have a room."

"A room!?" Stark exclaimed.

Loki was once again surprised by the suggestion. He knew Wilson didn't want to antagonize him, but surely, there must be a limit to his generosity.

But suddenly, he couldn't afford to think about it anymore. His exhaustion was settling in, gripping his bones and threatening to drag him under. He schooled his expression, not wanting to reveal that it was getting to him. Yet, Loki couldn't bring himself to just accept the room. He felt both too wary and undeserving of the continued charity. "I don't think that will be necessary."

Wilson crossed his arms, "Well, it's a good thing I don't plan to give you a choice on the matter."

Loki blinked rapidly. What kind of mind games are these?

After a bit more back and forth amongst the teammates, it was begrudgingly agreed to let Loki stay in one of the spare rooms that was on the current floor. Stark gave Loki an agitated look before motioning for the god to follow. Loki took a moment, gauging the situation. He was at the top of a large building filled with people that wanted to maim and/or kill him, and yet, a couple of them, of whom Loki has never interacted with, didn't seem to want that.

He was also extremely tired, his body faintly shook with exertion as he forced himself to stay upright. Loki knew staying here would not be the best. There was bound to be a full blown disaster eventually, and that would be especially not good while he was this exhausted. However, it's not like he's the one advocating for his stay here. It would probably be best to go along with it, use it to his advantage.

So, Loki followed Stark, letting the man lead him to the room. Wilson walked with them as well, and Thor was trailing behind. The rest of the Avengers stayed behind. Loki took note of his surroundings and direction, noticing a kitchen, hallways, and various closed doors. Until soon enough, they reached the room.

Stark opened the door and dramatically, and a bit haughtingly, gestured Loki to the room. Loki gazed inside before walking in, glancing around. Thankfully, Loki doubted the room had any traps set up since this seemed to have very much not been planned.

The room wasn't as over the top as you'd expect something of Stark's to be, but it was still a nice room and decently furnished. There was a large bed with a small table beside it, a lamp placed on top. A well-sized window was adjacent to the bed. An armoire sat in one corner and a chair in the opposite corner. In the remaining corner, was a door, presumably leading to a bathroom. 

"Welp," Stark spoke, causing Loki to turn and face him, "Welcome to your new temporary living situation. I don't recommend you leaving it without permission."

Wilson raised his hand, "You can get me if you need anything." And Stark rolled his eyes at that. Thor remained silent. And then the door was closed, leaving Loki to himself. Unbeknownst to Loki, Tony instructed Jarvis to keep an eye on the god.

Loki stood there for a little while, just staring at the door, mind blank. Then his body started to sway, and he had to stop himself from falling over. This was all too much. Too many things are always happening too quickly, never giving Loki proper time to just exist. He needed to rest, he needed to think. He needed to leave as soon as he was done with this place. He already was for the most part, but he was curious about a few things now. How their solar system worked, the tension in the air from the Avengers he knew, and the unwarranted... kindness? from the Avengers he knew not.

Damn his curiosity. It always got the better of him. It rarely ever ends well.

He glances over to the bed, taking in just how lucky he is to be in a more than just bearable room. At least he can be miserable comfortably. The window then caught his attention. The curtains were a quarter of the way open, he could see the sun was setting. How much time had passed since he got here? What time had it been when they landed?

He trudged over to the bathroom, opening the door. It was about as small as the one on the ship. A shower, toilet, sink, and mirror. He looked at his reflection in the small mirror. It wasn't as startling as the first time. He mechanically washed Fandral's blood off his hands in the sink and then took a drink from the spout.

He exited and closed the door. The walk from there to the bed felt monotonous. He flopped down onto the cushioned surface with a huff, facing his head towards the window. The sun was gone now, it was completely dark. It unnerved him.

With a sigh, Loki urged himself to get back up and close the curtains. He groaned as he became aware of how damning the light in here was. He crawled across the bed to turn off the light and then quickly turned the lamp on. He hated how much the light bothered him, and how much the dark frightened him.

He curled up under the soft and thick blanket. It did not take long for him to kick it off from himself as he got too hot. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, grateful that the bed was rather comfortable.

And yet.

Sleep did not come to him.

Chapter Text

Loki tossed and turned in the bed for a while before lying still, hoping he would soon lose consciousness. It was too quiet, too still. Even though his body relaxed and his mind drifted, he never fully went to sleep. He was merely drifting along the surface of it. After having lurched from his dreamy mental state a couple times, causing his heart beat to spike each time he became aware of his consciousness, he sat up.

He blinked groggily and then groaned as he dropped his head into his hands. Why must the Norns be so cruel as to not even allow him sleep? He hated it. He let himself flop back down onto the bed, rolling around as he whined. How was he supposed to keep himself together like this? Eventually, he stood. He couldn’t stand laying around and doing nothing.

He started to pace, hoping it might tire him out enough to actually sleep. He thought of the book again but knew he wouldn’t be able to comprehend anything he tried to read at the moment. He felt jittery and tense yet sluggish. Slight tremors wracked his body. His body felt too heavy, like a machine he had to manually move each part of. When the trembling in his hands increased, he flapped his hands as if to shake them out.

His heart beat started to pick up, breathing coming in short. The armor he wore felt tight, suffocating, but it was the only thing anchoring him. Although at this point, he was losing his grasp anyway. His pacing became erratic as he dug a thumb into the palm of his other hand. It didn’t help all that much. Loki was once again conflicted on whether to keep his armor on. He would continue to feel distressed but more secure with it on. And without it, he would feel less constricted but more vulnerable. It seemed he would be in similar circumstances no matter his decision.

The decision was made however when he started to burn up and itch. With a frustrated grunt, he stripped off the top layer of armor and hurled it to the ground. Left in his more comfortable under-clothes, he collapsed onto the bed, grunting as he wallowed around to get the horrid sensations off his skin.

He let out a growl as his frustration built. Loki tossed himself over onto his front, rearing up onto his knees. He pressed his horns against the wall along the head of the bed and rooted against it. He wanted to just imbed his horns in and start tearing it apart. But that would probably get him a scolding that he didn’t care to hear. Instead, he balled his hand into a fist and rammed it against the wall.

Oh -

His eyes widened slightly as he felt his hand break through the wall. He lifted his head to look at the damage. His hand was lodged in the wall. He hadn’t meant to punch it that hard. He pulled his hand free, little bits of debris falling onto the bed. He’ll fix it later, he decided.

Having physically let out his frustration did make him feel better, but dear Norns, he was still tired. Yet, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to sleep at this point. But perhaps he could do the closest thing to it. He sat down on the bed, his back pressed against the wall. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths. As long as he kept his mind from wandering in… less than pleasant directions, then meditation could be helpful.

He would like something to ground him that didn’t feel suffocating though… He opened his eyes and hummed in contemplation. After a few seconds, he called forth his pillow from the ship out of one of his magic compartments. He doesn’t really remember putting it there… he supposed it occurred subconsciously just moments before he attacked Fandral.

He sighed, the pillow was still disgusting. But it just took a bit of magic to clean it up. He would regret doing that however, as soon as he became nauseous. Sleep would hopefully do great to replenish his energy, but alas…

Loki held the pillow in his hands, frowning slightly. Sure, it was fine now, but Loki knew what had happened to it. And something about that felt.. wrong, unnerving. His chest hurt as he placed it on the ground. Loki tried to get comfortable on the bed, but felt as if the pillow was watching him. So, he pushed it under the bed, out of sight. He felt better not having to look at it, though he could still feel its presence beneath the bed. However, he had neither the strength nor will to magic it away.

With that mostly taken care of, he laid down on the bed. He was on his back, trying to get as comfortable as possible. He held the thin bed sheet tightly in his hands over the middle of his torso, the thick blanket kicked down to the foot of the bed to keep it from warming him up. He closed his eyes and started breathing deeply once more, focusing on only that until he was able to loosen his grip on the sheet.

He focused on what he could hear first, but it wasn’t much. He moved on quickly before the silence could really get to him. There wasn’t much to smell or taste either. His stomach growled at the thought of food. He didn’t want to open his eyes and risk losing his calm focus. So, he concentrated on what he could feel while letting his mind float.

The sheet in his hand felt light and smooth. He thought of how Wilson in particular had treated him. He should do his best to stay in his good graces. Maybe he would keep the rest of the Avengers from wearing him out so much. Loki would be able to replenish his energy much more efficiently then. The bed beneath him was soft and quite comfortable. With enough magic, he could make a portal all the way back to that planet they had stopped on. He wouldn’t want to remain there, but it could be a good start.

His hands and torso started to feel warm. He really wasn’t looking forward to dealing with so many people in the morning. It was going to be exhausting having to stay alert while also engaging and planning. He could ask questions, maybe about their solar system, and eat at the same time. Instigating Barnes could be fun, though maybe not the most self preserving thing to do. But there was no way he could get through this whole mess without a little bit of chaos. He really wanted to figure out why Wilson was so considerate of him, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to get a straightforward answer. He needed to rest and restore his magic when he was alone, but that couldn’t work if he can’t sleep! His hands and torso felt… wet, sticky. A sharp pain settled in his gut.

Loki’s eyes shot open and he quickly glanced down, freezing in shock. The middle of his torso as well as his hands were covered in crimson blood. His heart rate jumped, eyes widening as he quickly sat up. His breath, as well as a shaken scream, got caught in his throat. It choked him, only able to let out a distressed whine. His hands clawed against the bed and feet thrashed and kicked against the bed, trying to flee. But his back was already against the wall, he couldn’t get away. And the blood, the wound, it was already there. He couldn’t run. He felt sick. His body was overcome with tremors. He grunted as his shaky hands slowly came up to try and put pressure on the wound. It hurt. He could smell and taste the blood. It was everywhere. It was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe.

He blinked.

It was gone.

Confusion washed over him before realization settled in. Nothing was there.

His body continued to shake as he laid down, curling up on his side. He whined and clutched at his chest as he tried to get his breathing under control. He pulled the pillow out from under his head and clung to it tightly. It wasn’t the same. But it was enough. His debilitated body practically sunk into the bed, going lax. He closed his eyes and drifted off for a handful of minutes, mind blissfully blank. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around.

This is where he is. He’s in Avengers Tower. He’s in an odd and stressful situation. But it’s not there. It’s not Thanos, or the Black Order, or The Other, the rest of the Chitauri. He’s dealt with the Avengers once and he can do it again. They don’t even know what he’s fully capable of. It’s not like he’s trapped here. Not really.

His stomach growled again, making his nausea more prominent. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get anything down if he tried, and he didn’t necessarily want to eat. But it could be a distraction.

After a moment, Loki managed to drag himself into an upright position. He groggily placed his feet on the ground, feeling like the world was moving all around him. He wanted to conjure on at least one layer of leather armor before leaving the room to ground and protect him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So instead he wrapped the thicker blanket around his shoulders, heaving himself upward and then sluggishly trudging along the floor.

He quietly opened the door and peeked his head out, making sure there weren't any sort of surprises waiting for him. Once he deemed the area clear, Loki took a couple cautious steps out and closed the door behind him. His gaze moved around, taking in his familiar yet new surroundings. He began a soft and careful trek down the hall in the direction of where he remembered the kitchen being.

He was able to spend more time cataloging the layout of the place now that he was alone. The floor was spacious, grand. It felt like there weren't enough people to fill the space. Even with all the decor, it felt empty. Like it wasn’t really a home for most of the people here. It was very different from Asgard.

The very architecture of Asgard felt alive. There was so much damn space and relatively few people, but it never felt empty. It always felt warm and comforting. Or at least that’s what Loki imagined everyone else there felt. Those moments were rare for him to experience. And it was usually in the absence of other people.

He made it to the kitchen with minimal effort, but instead of going to find food, he walked a bit farther until he was in the lounging quarters. He made his way here so that he could look out the large window. He was a bit surprised it was still here. He intended to get a view of the stars and planets, however he couldn’t see any of them for whatever reason. Strange. He could have sworn he had seen stars at some point the last time he was here. Though he didn’t have the best remembrance of the time. That was for the best.

There were quite a lot of lights he could see from the window, but they weren’t stars. It was ground lights, buildings. They honestly did look quite astounding. But Loki preferred the stars.

Loki meandered his way back towards the kitchen. Everything was soaked in darkness, but with the light from the window, he could make out quite a lot. In fact, he felt he could see more now than with his Asgardian eyes. Perhaps Jotun were better adapted to the dark. He had read before that Jotunheim got less daylight than Asgard. Though, he couldn’t be certain on how accurate that was since it came from an Asgardian book.

He started rummaging through the various cabinets, finding food items that were similar but not familiar to what he knew. It wasn’t like Loki expected to find something near identical to Asgard’s food, but he didn’t wish to eat something if he couldn’t at least make an educated guess on how to eat it properly and whether or not he’d like it.

A voice suddenly spoke up, “Excuse me” causing Loki to jump and whirling around, searching for the source of it. “Oh, up here.” Loki glanced up, taking a second to process that this was a.. disembodied voice.. coming from the ceiling.

“Um..” Loki tilted his head as he raised an eyebrow, “Hello?”

“Greetings Mister…” The voice trailed off, as if unsure how to address Loki.

“Just.. Loki is fine.” The god clarified. 

“Of course, Mister Loki.”

Loki would have stated that “Mister” is unnecessary, but he didn’t really feel like arguing with the disembodied ceiling voice.

“My name is Jarvis, I’m an artificial intelligence designed by Sir Stark.”

“Oh,” Loki took a moment to fully grasp the complexities of it. He had never seen such well-composed artificial life achieved without magic before. He couldn’t remember if this was something he had already learned last time he was here. “That’s quite impressive, I must say.”

“Why, thank you. Should I let sir know of your compliment?”

Loki wasn’t blind to the banter, “No, that won’t be necessary.” He paused before adding, “May I ask why you decided to speak with me?”

“Of course. If I’m not mistaken, you seem to be looking for something to eat.”

Loki wasn’t sure as to why, but the observation made his ears burn slightly with embarrassment. He felt like a child getting teased for asking a stupid question, while not understanding why the question was even considered stupid.

“I believe I could be of some help.”

Oh .

The fact that he was being aided and not ridiculed made him feel at ease.

“You may find some other foods of interest in the fridge.”

“The fridge…” Loki spoke the word slowly as he glanced around. He was certain he had heard that word when he was here before, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. His eyes quickly landed on a large, silver door-shaped object to his left.

“Yes, that’s it. It holds various fresh and cold foods. Some items can be heated up with minimal effort.”

Loki hummed in contemplation as he took just a couple strides to reach the fridge. He opened it, grunting as he wasn’t expecting to be assaulted by light from inside of it. Loki let his eyes adjust before examining the contents of the fridge. He noticed some things that were clearly fruits and vegetables, but again, he wasn’t quite sure how best to eat them or if they would taste any good to him. He was considering asking Jarvis for assistance when said voice spoke up, “Sir-”

Jarvis didn’t continue. Loki wondered what he was trying to get at. Sir . He knew Jarvis used that term to refer to… Stark.

Loki picked up on a shuffling sound behind him, looking over his blanket-covered shoulder to see the man a few feet away on the other side of the kitchen. Stark jumped slightly as he placed a hand over his heart, or maybe his reactor, and exclaimed, “Jesus fucking Christ!”

Loki blinked, not really expecting such a reaction, “Am I really that unsettling?” He jabbed.

Tony gave him an exasperated look as he trekked his way further into the kitchen, “Trust me, Prancer, any cloaked figure hunched over in my fridge, looming over at me, would give me a heart attack.”

There was a pause as Loki gazed at Stark, not sure how to react in this situation. Was the other mad that he was searching for food? Would it seem suspicious if he just left now without taking anything?

Meanwhile, Tony was looking more and more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked by before he finally blurted out, “The hell are you doing anyways?”

Loki blinked before gradually tilting his head while raising an eyebrow, “What does it look like I’m doing?” He couldn’t help but form his genuine question as a jab. He was in the kitchen, looking through the fridge. What else would he be doing? Poisoning all their food? Loki wouldn’t be surprised if that was what Stark assumed to be the case. Or was Stark trying to threaten him? “I’m looking for food.” He stated bluntly.

Tony started gesturing around the kitchen and fridge as he spoke, “There’s food literally all around in here. Just grab something! Stop hovering in the fridge like that, it’s creepy.” Usually when people looked through a fridge they actually searched through it, instead of just standing and staring into it. And Tony couldn’t deny that the light from the fridge fell on Loki’s form, creating highlights and shadows, in an eerie way.

His darker skin tone looked nearly ink black in the shadows, as if he was submerged in the darkness. His navy blue skin was made a brighter, softer blue color in the light. Then there were his eyes. Those cold, calculated, piercing, and fucking crimson colored eyes! It was an unfortunate color to have when interacting with people that bleed red.

It all sent warnings to Tony’s brain, reminding him that the person in front of him was not a human. Logically, Tony knew that wasn’t inherently bad, considering he was friends with Thor. He just wasn’t used to such appearances. Even Hulk was distinctly human enough to him that he didn’t fall into uncanny valley. Tony also knew he should take these feelings to the grave unless he wants an early funeral.

Loki’s brows furrowed as his mild agitation morphed into frustration. He turned his head so that he could glare into the fridge, “I do not wish to eat something when I do not know what it is, how it tastes, or how to prepare it.” Really, is that such a problem?

Apparently, it was to Stark as he huffed out in exasperation while crossing his arms and leaning against the counter, “Listen, pal, you’re not in a situation to be picking or prissy about your food.”

Loki let out a low growl, hands clenching into fists and shaking slightly. He shouldn’t have left the damn room. He took a step back from the fridge to fully face Stark, doing his best to not completely seeth at the man. Tony suddenly felt in danger. “And I said no such thing like that! I’m not refusing to eat any of it, I just want to know what it is before eating it .” Loki could feel that his breathing was already starting to get heavy, his body shaky, but he refused to not at least try to stay composed.

Tony felt a pang of guilt at the god’s words, understanding what it was like to have your words twisted. Ok, sure, maybe he should have chosen his words better (a common occurrence), but what was Loki expecting to figure out by just staring in the fridge? He awkwardly fidgeted with his foot as he moved both hands into his pockets, “Ok, well… what did you eat uh… last time you were here. I’m sure there’s something similar here.” Tony knew his little tiptoe around actually saying invasion was awkward, but surely not more so than using the word right now.

Stark’s apparent… defusion of the situation calmed Loki’s nerves a bit. The man’s awkwardness was not lost on Loki, making the god confused with the sudden shift in demeanor, but it did at least make him less standoffish. People didn’t usually consider Loki’s words. Most of the time he was met with dismissal or anger. Stark seemed to be a different case, but Loki knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up. Even so, he had nothing to gain by lying in this instance.

“I didn’t eat the last time I was here,” His tone was more neutral now but with a subtle bitter edge.

The admission immediately had alarm bells going off in Tony’s head. He knew gods didn’t have to eat as often as people, but he has never seen Thor miss an opportunity to eat a meal. And Loki had been here for four days, scheming and fighting. Sure, there was practically a war going on, but there must have been time to eat something . So why wouldn’t he? Maybe Sam was onto something…

Tony made his way over to the fridge as he spoke, grabbing onto  the door as he took a look inside, “Well, what sort of food did you have on Asgard?”

Loki sighed as he took another step back, allowing Stark more space to look in the fridge. He had evened out to a mild moodiness, still a bit finicky towards the situation, “Meats, vegetables, fruits, breads…”

Tony’s brows furrowed as he looked over his shoulder to give Loki a look, only then feeling a wave of uneasy wash over him as he realized he had his back turned to the god. The very unstable, very deadly god. Good thinking, Tony. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that.”

Loki groaned, leading into a huff as he rolled his eyes before glaring at Tony, “What do you want me to say? Do you want a list and description of all the foods on Asgard that you don’t have here?”

“Uh..” Tony glanced away before looking back at Loki. Why was just speaking to the god so difficult? “Yeah, actually, but maybe just.. ya know.. just list a handful of things?”

Loki gave him a deadpan expression, merely raising an eyebrow. He was silent long enough that Tony thought he was just going to continue staring, but eventually he spoke, “Do you have a golden apple that grants immortality?”

There’s a pause as Loki continues to stare Tony down, already knowing the answer. But his brows furrowed as he watched Stark blink and then speak, “We have regular apples.”

Oh. Now that he mentioned it, Loki did recall Midgard having apples.

It was Loki’s turn to blink, glancing away for a moment, somewhat sheepishly as he tried to hide his embarrassment, before looking back, “That will suffice.”

Tony gave a small huff of amusement as he looked back to the fridge, though he quickly tried to play it off as clearing his throat just in case Loki took offense and decided to violently murder him.

Tony rummaged through the fridge, moving a few things aside to reach an apple from the back. He paused. This was the last apple here, and Clint had this thing where he always ate one in the morning. But Tony shrugged it off. He could just get Jarvis to order more for the morning, plus it might be funny. “Here ya go, Prancer.” He tossed the apple to Loki, the latter bringing one hand up to catch it with ease.

Loki looked to the apple for a moment, feeling the smooth skin of the fruit resting in his hand, and then back to Stark, “What’s the meaning with that name?”

“Ah, well.. There’s this story about some deer,” He brought his hands above his head, gesturing towards imaginary antlers, “And ya know how they have the uh.. um..” Tony paused his explanation, hands freezing over his head as he gazed at Loki. More specifically, gazed at Loki’s horns. The ones that are very much a part of his body. And not just a goofy looking helmet. Ah, shit..

Loki couldn’t hold back a large mischievous smirk from forming on his lips, quite amused by Stark’s sudden discomfort with his own joke, “They more closely resemble goat horns, I think.” He mused.

Tony dropped his hands, unsure if he was actually safe or if Loki was just toying with him, “Yeah.. I guess.”

Loki tilted his head a bit, genuinely curious, “Is that all it takes for your silly little names? For my helm to vaguely remind you of something?”

Tony placed his hands on his hips, channeling his charismatic persona, “My mind works in wondrous ways.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, almost challenging the statement. Wondrous wasn’t exactly the word he’d use. Though interesting would certainly be an accurate descriptor, “I’m sure.” The sarcasm was not lost on Tony.

Loki’s eyes drifted downward, merely wandering about when something caught his attention, brow furrowing curiously. The reactor that used to be nestled in Stark’s chest, something that was intrinsically a part of the man, was gone.

Tony caught onto Loki’s perception the moment the god’s eyes flicked back up and locked with his own. Loki’s eyes bored into Tony’s, inquisitive and prying.

“Your reactor is gone.” It wasn’t a question, but it was filled with curiosity. His words begged for an explanation, a story, but he dared not to ask it as a true question out of fear of pushing too far too fast. No one ever liked when he pushed like that.

Tony swallowed, feeling pinned down by Loki’s gaze. He tried to not let his discomfort show, but he doubted he was successful. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “Uh.. yeah, well..” He really didn’t feel like giving into the god’s inquisition, but he also didn’t want to anger Loki by telling him to fuck off. “It was best for me to get rid of it. So, I got rid of it.”

“Just like that?” Loki pressed, not pushed.

“Uh,” Tony glanced away as he shifted on his feet before looking back, “Yeah. I guess.”

Not a very satisfying answer, but Loki didn’t miss the way Stark was becoming gradually uneasy. Loki knew it was best not to press further. He looked down to the apple in his hand. 

Tony was surprised but greatly relieved when Loki finally drew his gaze away.

Loki went to take a bite of the apple, pausing for a moment as he awkwardly got used to how his fangs maneuvered against the fruit. But soon enough, he sunk his teeth into the flesh and was greeted with a very tart taste. His displeasure towards it must have shown because Stark was soon opening his mouth.

“Ya not like it?” He said in a barely concealed, judgemental tone.

Loki removed his fangs from the apple to answer dully, “It’s tart.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “So you don’t want it?”

Loki narrowed his eyes in an unimpressed scowl, “I’ll eat it.” He took a full bite of the apple, teeth breaking down the soft fruit before swallowing it down to prove his point, “I just won't be particularly fond of it.”

Stark looked like he wanted to protest. And he did, “Well, if you really want something different-”

Loki cut him off, “It’s fine.” Before Stark could speak once again, Loki started to pad his way out of the kitchen, having had enough social interaction to last him a decade or two, “I bid you goodnight, Stark.”

Loki was just close enough to hear Stark mumble “Uh… Ok” before he was walking down the hall back towards his room.

Tony was left to consider whether or not he handled that whole odd interaction well.

Once Loki made it back into his room, he leaned against the closed door behind him, taking a moment to think over the interaction that occurred. Though, he was too tired to dwell on it for long. He’d consider it in the morning.

With the remaining energy he had, Loki flopped down onto the bed and got as comfortable as possible. His body ached. It felt as if his very bones were begging for rest. With a sigh, he started to eat the rest of his apple.

It didn’t take long for him to finish off every bit of the fruit’s flesh, even gnawing on the core momentarily. He really should have gotten something more filling, but it would suffice for now. The downside to eating fruit in such a way is that now his hands and lower face were covered in horrid sticky juice. It made Loki consider stabbing something.

But instead, he groaned dramatically, it helped a bit, and resided himself to the fact that he would have to get up and walk to the sink. It took several minutes before Loki actually did pull himself up to sit, tossing the remains of the apple into the trash. And took even longer before he slowly, sluggishly stood up.

He took in a deep breath, counted to ten, and then started towards the bathroom as he exhaled. The actual rinsing of his hands and face was easy and short lived. He just wished he could have stayed in the bed.

After drying his hands, he trudged back to bed. At this point, getting comfortable in bed felt like a chore. It took too much effort to move his limbs, and it was far too easy for something to feel off, causing him to toss and turn to try to fix the discomfort. But eventually he was able to sink into the cushions, feeling the tension leave his body as he finally relaxed.

Yet still, he couldn’t quite sleep. His mind drifted, and he would occasionally lose consciousness. He even somewhat dreamed, his head swimming with jumbled thoughts influenced by recent events and worries. But he was constantly ripped out of it, leaving him barely awake and disoriented over and over again throughout the night. It was miserable, but he couldn’t bear to do anything else. At least like this he could rest as much as physically possible.

As the sun rose over the horizon, the beams of light were thankfully blocked out by the curtains Loki closed last night. His breathing was steady, peaceful even. Steadily growing noise coming from down the hall, most likely in the kitchen, greeted his ears. A soft groan left his throat as he scrunched his brows in annoyance. Even with the decent amount of rest, the lack of true sleep was weighing on him. And he really wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with people just yet.

The quiet, even murmurs continued. It wasn’t until a disturbance in the form of a sudden shout did Loki’s eyes snap open. There was commotion, chaos . Now that might be something worth getting out of bed for.

He gave himself a few more moments to enjoy the comfort of the bed before stretching as he yawned. Rolling over in the bed, he tossed his legs over to plant his feet on the ground and then righted himself. His head spun for a couple moments, causing him to groan. Once it had passed, he stood, yawning once more as he groggily trudged towards the door.

He placed his hand on the handle and steadied himself. His body felt heavy and tired and he was still slogging through the remnants of not-quite-sleep. With a wave of his other hand, he dressed himself in light leather armor and tidied himself up. He knew he should be conserving his magic, but it takes overall less energy than having to do those things individually.

He took a deep breath and released it. Even with going through the effort to make himself look more presentable, he knew exhaustion clung to him like a fog, the lack of sleep was visible in his eyes. He couldn’t afford to conceal it. He just hoped it wouldn’t put him at too much of a disadvantage.

With that, he exited the room, taking attentive steps towards the kitchen. It became clear that said commotion was coming from maily one source: Barton. The other voices, while sounding mildly combative, did not seem nearly as dismayed as the former.

“I know no one else even fucking eats them. So why the hell-!”

“Clint,” Came from Stark, “It’s not even that big a deal.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tony. You-”

Loki rounds the corner, right outside the parameters of the kitchen but clearly in view. It only takes him seconds to assess the scene. A fuming Barton in the center of the kitchen, near the fridge. Stark and Romanov sitting at opposite sides of the counter, both looking rather unenthused. Banner was the only one actually sitting down at the kitchen table. His face was lying against the table, hands wrapped around a mug of a steaming, dark liquid. He didn’t seem to be conscious.

Barton’s eyes landed on him the second he appeared. His anger turned to fury, “You. You fucking piece of shit. Barely here a day and you’re already just itching to piss me off?”

Huh?

Barton stepped around the counter that Stark and Romanov sat at, the one thing that separated him from Loki. There was a harsh thundering sound with each one of his steps.

What in the nine realms did I do?

As Barton approached Loki, Stark was then out of his seat, blocking the former’s path, “Woah, woah, woah! Hang on.”

Why is it always me?

Barton shoved Stark out of his way. Thor barreled his way through the crowds of people to reach him. Barton grabbed at the collar of his armor and yanked him down to eye level, his snarling face only a few inches from Loki’s now. Thor held Loki’s shoulder in a brutal grip, shouting at the younger. He had taken offense to whichever of Loki’s antics it was that time. Odin seized Loki’s small wrist tightly, making the boy cringe in pain. But he clenched his teeth to stay quiet. Odin dragged him away to scold him privately.

Stark was suddenly wedged in between them, Loki’s view was obstructed by the back of his head. The shorter man placed his hands on Barton’s shoulders, pushing against him slightly to give them some room, “I did it! It was my fault. I gave him the damn apple.”

Barton released Loki with a sigh, taking a step back as Stark shuffled out from between the two. Barton pointed at Stark, still a slight sneer on his face, “Thin ice, Tony.”

Ah.. So Stark set me up. I should have seen that coming.

It was Stark's turn to sigh, his shoulder slumping as he did so, “Yeah.. I know. But in my defense I thought it would be more funny than harmful.”

Barton glared back at the man from over his shoulder as he made his way to sit at the table that Banner occupied, though his look didn’t seem to carry quite as much loathing, “That’s a problem of yours.”

Stark rubbed at the back of his neck, “So I’ve been told.” He was quiet as he shifted his feet and looked around, gauging how the others reacted. And by “others” he mostly means Nat as Bruce was still pressed face first against the kitchen table. Tony wondered if he had dozed off. But Nat looked pretty unimpressed. Which meant if he was considered anything less than an ally, he’d be screwed six ways to Sunday. He’s lucky she doesn’t hate him that much.

A sleeping Bruce was no issue. And Tony could deal with the two displeased assassins. He hoped. Though… that still left one more person in the room unregarded for.

Tony did his best to look back at Loki in a slow yet casual manner. His jaw clenched at the sight. The god was standing in the exact same place as when he first walked in here. Stiff as a board. Eyes crazed. He was watching them, but didn’t seem to be looking at anyone in particular. Shit. What exactly was he supposed to do?

Loki couldn’t move. He felt like he was falling. Floating? No. Definitely falling. Like the ground had been ripped away from him. He didn’t know what to do. The conflict looked to be resolved. He really shouldn’t waste his time quarreling with Barton if he didn’t have to.

But something was building up inside of him, biting at him. Wanting to claw its way out. Thor. Odin. Loki clenched his fists. Fandral. The Other. Thanos. His sharp nails dug into his skin. The Grandmaster. Barton. He wanted to make them hurt.

“Uh.. you alright there?”

Loki’s attention snapped back to Stark. His voice was far away. The world was spinning. He felt sick. “I’m fine,” he muttered.

The way Stark’s face scrunched up made it clear that he didn’t believe him. Loki hated it.

“Tony,” Barton started from across the kitchen, looking at said man with disapproval.

Stark made some unidentifiable noises as he briefly looked at Barton to wave him off before looking back to Loki, “Are ya sure? Cause-”

“ I said I’m fine! ” The outburst came out so quick and vicious that even Loki was taken back. He was bubbling up, overflowing, breaking. He couldn’t seal it off.

They were all looking at him. Barton irritated. Ramanov amused. Banner confused, his blurry eyes tried to focus as his glasses laid crooked on his face. Stark concerned. He was nearest to Loki. He had flinched at Loki’s shout. The looks made Loki want to rip something apart.

He stumbled back, feeling disconnected from his own body. He didn’t know what to do. But he wanted to leave. His chest felt heavy. He wanted to run. He turned down the hall back towards his room, steps getting faster and faster as he went. His breathing was becoming labored. Tremors wracked his body, his neck and arms twitching with nervous spasms.

He was in his room. He doesn’t really recall making it there. The world was spinning, falling apart. His skin itched. It felt like something was gnawing at him, ripping him apart from the inside out. He slowly swayed around in a circle, eyes glancing along the room. His hands shook. He needed to get his hands on something. Tear something apart. He needed to hurt, maim, kill. He wanted to destroy the room down to its very foundation.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t, he couldn't, he couldn't.

The consequences would be too great. But he needed to.

His breathing was more ragged. The shaking was worse. Frustrated groans and grunts left his mouth as he continued to look frantically around the room, desperate to do something.

A snarl left him before he stamped his foot against the ground instead of embedding it in a wall. He growled as he raked his nails against his scalp and down his face, tugging at his hair. The stinging pain served as a minor release. But it wasn’t enough. What was he supposed to do? Rip himself apart?

He was genuinely considering the option, could already envision his claws tearing through his skin and spilling purple blood, when a familiar voice chimed in. 

“Excuse me Mr. Loki, I do hope my input is not too much of a disturbance. I could see that you seem to be in distress currently, and I believe I could offer some help.”

Loki struggled to swallow, his mouth too dry. He tried to clear his throat, but it still came out in a shaky rasp as he was just barely able to mutter out, “How?”

“Well, if releasing some energy is what you need, then I believe the gym here could be of use to you.”

“Gym?” Loki raised a brow as his eyes tilted upwards towards the ceiling.

“Yes, a training ground of sorts. Where you can spar with others, exert oneself in exercise, or sharpen one's physical skills.”

Loki looked back down, voice dull, “I see,” just wanting to confirm he understood.

“I can easily direct you down the fastest route to the gym. However, you will have to leave your room and go past the kitchen.”

Loki groaned.

“If you’d rather not, I’m sure I can fi-”

“No! It..” He grunted and sighed. He couldn’t afford to be picky. He didn’t want to be difficult. But going back out there. He dreaded it. “It’ll be fine.”

“Alright then. Allow me to lead the way.”

Loki turned stiffly to face the door, waiting for instructions.

“Now if you go back out to the kitchen and then a bit further into the living room, turn right and then the elevator will be right there to your right.”

Loki vaguely remembered elevators.

Loki wrapped an arm around his waist, as if he was trying to carry himself. He used his other arm to steady himself on any surface he can reach. The bed, the bedside table, the wall. He glared at the door. He wanted to rip it off its hinges. His vision narrowed on the door handle. It felt like he was suffocating. There was pressure all around him. His options were to sink or swim. Sink or swim. 

He was going to implode. And explode. Simultaneously. 

He was made of static, he couldn't move. Not until his hand jutted out to grip the hand, leaning his weight into it. The handle gives, the door swings open, Loki stumbled out. He looked down the hall, glaring as his hand was still gripping the handle. The hallway looked longer than it did just moments ago.

He leaned heavily against the wall, almost slumping against it. He stared down the hall until he felt like it was getting even longer, like he was drifting further away. He couldn’t move. With a clench of his jaw and a sneer forming on his face, he forced one foot in front of the other. And then with the other. Then again. And again. Until his movements were just repetitions.

Resting his weight on the increasingly elongating hallway wall made it easier for him to glide forward. It was much easier than having to carry the burden of his own weight, fighting to keep his shoulders from dragging him down.

There was a burst of light, a feeling of being out in the open. He was out of the hall. There were still people in the kitchen. He was within view. He knew they could see him, knew it was likely the exact same people there as when he left. But their bodies were blurred, going unperceived. There was a voice, Loki was certain, calling for his attention. But he paid it no mind.

He just kept pushing forward.

Forward. forward. forward.. forward… forward….

Stop!

Past the kitchen.. he was past the kitchen.. into the living room.. was this the living room? well it wasn’t the kitchen… right.. turn right.. Loki mechanically turned sharply before striding forward.. forward.. then what? then right.. right..? right..? 

The sudden, loud chime to his right caught his attention about the same time as the gleam of metal from the corner of his eye. He snapped his head in that direction, greeted with reflective metal doors. It wasn’t a perfect reflection though. It was blurry, a bit warped. It was him. It was himself he was looking at. But he looked wrong. He couldn’t recognize himself.

The doors slid open before he could plummet too far into the depths, into the horrifying realization that his body was wrong, and he couldn’t get out. He lurched forward, his movement sudden and choppy, like his body was malfunctioning. 

He glanced around the small space. He didn’t like confined spaces. By the time he looked back to the doors, they were just closing, sealing him inside. His heart raced. How long has it been racing? How long has the world been drowned out by the sound of his own blood rushing through him.

The metal box started moving down, Loki only panicked momentarily. And then it kept moving. And kept moving. How long was he going to be in here? He started to pace in a circular motion with small steps. He dug his thumb into the palm of his other hand. He glanced around again, there was nothing. Just a small, empty box with an anxious god inside. Loki considered trying to claw his way out when there was another chime. He faced the door, letting his hands fall to his sides.

The doors casually slid open, revealing the gym. Loki remained in the elevator as he took in what surroundings he could see from there. There were various contraptions he wasn’t familiar with but could guess the uses for.

Jarvis chimed in once more, “The item that I think would be of most use is one of the punching bags to the left. However, you could make use of the other pieces of equipment such as-”

Loki stopped listening. His vision tunneled onto the cylindrical object hanging from the ceiling. The material looked like leather instead of metal like many of the other objects. It was something he could rip into. Something he could destroy. Just the realization alone was enough to make something reverberate through his bones. He didn’t feel heavy anymore. In fact, he felt light. As if something weighing him down had been cut free.

It felt like something was coming over him, rushing forward, lunging out. A burning rage was flowing through him. He had no means of stopping it. Fists clenched, he was striding forward. Blood dripped down his hands as his claws broke skin. He snarled, a growl coming up from his throat. Striding turned to a dash, and then he was quickly upon the bag.

He shouted as he lunged into it, claws digging into its flesh as his blood stained the skin. With his tight grip, he pulled the bag down. The chain suspending it snapped, the bag dropped to the floor.

Loki growled as he straddled the bag, keeping it trapped beneath him. He huffed as he looked down at his target, eyes wide and frantic. He pulled an arm back and then snapped it forward. His claws shredded through the material with ease. After one slash, there was another. And another. He grunted and heaved as he repeatedly clawed at the bag. The gashes were deep enough that its sandy innards were spilling out onto the floor. But it wasn’t enough. 

His arms ached from the continuous use, and his chest was hurting from the strain of his heavy breathing and racing heart. His movements paused, leaning his weight on his hands against the bag as he panted and looked down to the destroyed sack. He glared at it with disdain. He needed it dead. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t enough. His rage surged up from his gut, almost choking him. He had to release it before it suffocated him.

He let it out in an ear-splitting, blood-curdling scream. His body hunched forward, face getting closer to the gashes he left, as if his scream alone would be enough to destroy it. He raised his arm up. Without needing to think to do it, a jagged dagger of ice formed from his palm. He clutched it with everything he had. Like a baby to its caregiver. Like a wolf to a scrap of meat. In a flash, he plunged the dagger deep into the bag. He then tugged the blade towards himself, the sharp tool ripping through the flesh of the bag.

It deflated as it was disemboweled, waves of sand pouring out. Loki gasped and shook with exhaustion as he fully slumped over onto the bag. His head was spinning and his bones felt tired. But the urge was gone. He destroyed it. He didn’t realize how oblivious he was to his surroundings until then. The world was shifting and seemed brighter than usual. There was a sound to his right. Shuffling. He stiffened before his head turned in that direction, not quite as fast as he’d intended to.

Rogers was stiff and had a shocked look on his face as he gazed down at Loki. He was on edge, prepared to engage with the unstable god if necessary. 

Barnes had a rather blank expression, but his posture was relaxed, unworried. He halfway raised his hand in a small wave, a gesture of acknowledgment. “Morning,” He said casually.

Loki blinked. A moment passed. He blinked again. He remembered to breathe the same moment his heart started pounding in his ears again, anxiety sinking to his gut. They had seen all of that. All of it. Loki didn’t even know how he had looked just now. But if Roger’s horrified expression was anything to go by, then “concerning” would be an understatement.

Loki awkwardly, jerkily raised his hand to mimic Barnes greeting, desperately trying to come off as normal. It failed of course, he knew that. He was floundering.

He stood up. Too quickly. Legs stumbling backwards in order to catch himself from falling on his ass. He looked back to the two soldiers, mostly expressionless, though his eyes were frenzied.

He turned on his heel, striding right back to the elevator. It was open. Did Jarvis reopen it for him just now or had it never been closed? It didn’t really matter, but it did make Loki wonder just how long he had lost himself. It couldn’t have been too long, surely. Otherwise Rogers and Barnes would have left. Surely.

Loki staggered into the elevator, turning to slump back against the wall. His panting was barely concealed. He wouldn’t initially have been seen from inside the elevator, but Rogers had followed him a few steps behind. The soldier stared at him, looking troubled.

Loki stared back, wide-eyed, like a cornered animal.

Loki held Rogers’ gaze as the doors slid closed.

Loki could no longer conceal his ragged breaths. He was shaking, but not the same kind of visceral, enraged shaking from before. He felt like he was falling apart. The elevator starts moving up.

They had seen him. They knew what he was now. A monster.

Loki tried to reason that it didn’t matter what they saw or thought, they already thought poorly of him. It didn’t matter.

But he still had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Loki tried to straighten himself. It was a bad idea. Instead of rising to his feet like he intended, his legs jerked out from under him, causing him to slump down onto his side.

His breathing became even more erratic. The world around him was disappearing. His heartbeat was still pounding in his ears.

“Mister Loki?” The elevator had stopped.

Loki grunts, jerked out of his downward spiral. But he still couldn’t move. It was too much. He grit his teeth as he sneered. How could something so simple suddenly be lost to him? Did his blind rage fry his nervous system? It didn’t make sense.

“Mister Loki…”

Loki was dragged from his thoughts once more. He glanced to the ceiling, trying to form a coherent string of words, but the first thing out of his mouth a whine. He scrunched his eyes closed, face burning with embarrassment. He bit his tongue. Counted to ten. Opened his eyes.

“Jarvis.”

His voice was tattered, but recognizable. 

“Is there anything I can do for you, Loki?”

“I.. I can’t-” His voice broke on the last word, causing him to pause. Take a breath. Breathe out. Speak again, “I can’t let anyone see me right now..”

“I understand,” Came the quick response, “There’s a few vacated floors I can take you to.” Jarvis started listing off a few of the options, but Loki’s ability to focus was dwindling.

“I don’t know..” Came his weary response.

Jarvis was silent for a moment this time before responding, “I believe I may know an option you would prefer, based on the minimal information known about you in my database.”

Loki decided he would question that string of words later, when he didn’t feel eerily similar to when he was freefalling through the void.

Loki closed his eyes, possibly drifting off. He wasn’t quite sure, because he was soon brought back by the chime of the elevator. He sluggishly blinked open his eyes, needing a moment to let them adjust. But once they did, they widened in near disbelief. Though, it was quite simple what his eyes were looking at.

It was a library.

Chapter Text

Steve enters the kitchen with a purpose, Bucky trailing behind him leisurely. The super soldier's presence draws the attention of everyone in the room, that now being Tony and Clint, minus Natasha and Bruce, plus an additional Sam.

“We’ve got a problem.” Steve declared, his face set with a serious concern.

Tony sighs dramatically, his posture slouching to emphasize his mood, “What did he do?” He asks, not needing to use the god’s name.

“He just spent a good few minutes disemboweling one of the punching bags.” 

There’s a short pause as Tony processes what the other has said. And then he brings his hands together to where each finger is touching the other, “And by disemboweling, you mean…” He tilts his hands towards Steve, imploring him to elaborate.

Steve grunts, his face scrunching into a scowl, displeased with Tony making light of the situation, ”If it was a living thing, its guts would be on the floor.” He says with more hostility.

Tony takes a glance at Bucky to confirm this. Said man shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoids Tony’s gaze. Tony notices this of course, but forces himself not to dwell on it. Soon enough, he does speak, “Well… he did have a go at it for a handful of minutes..” He mumbles, lowering his hand to pick at the worn skin around his nails.

Both unsatisfied with the somewhat mixed reviews and wanting to see the events for himself, Tony decides to rely on the one person he can. Jarvis. He walks over to the kitchen island with a few strides, picking up one of his various Stark pads. “Jarvis, could you pull up the footage of Loki’s.. uh.. moment?”

There’s a pause, long enough that Tony got concerned that Jarvis wasn’t going to respond for some reason. But then the AI voiced, “Of course, sir” and pulled up the footage from just a few minutes ago on the Stark pad.

It started with Loki walking out of the elevator, making a beeline for the punching bag. Tony cringed as Loki slammed the bag to the floor and began to sink his claws deep into the surface before tearing through it. Tony’s concern grew as the seconds ticked by with Loki continuing his attack on the object. He found himself thinking “surely, he’s done now” a handful of times before Loki finally formed a dagger and plunged it deep into his target, cutting it open to spill its imagined guts.

Tony shuddered at the mental image, “Okayyy,” He drawled out, “I can see where the concern comes from.”

“Actually, I think this is a good thing.” Sam chimes in.

“A good thing?” Steve and Clint blurt out simultaneously, Steve looking more baffled while Clint scowls. 

Sam raises his hands in defense, “Let me explain.” He lowers his hands, “Obviously the concern comes from imaging it’s one of us he was maiming instead. But! He didn’t target any of us. He went out of his way to take out his frustration on something else.”

“Yeah,” Tony started, “But what happens if he doesn’t go out of his way next time?” His voice is laced with genuine concern. “I like my guts where they are.”

“And he’s clearly frustrated because he can’t slaughter us all yet.” Clint’s voice sliced through the room, sharp and disdained, “But if we let him stay here long enough to get his bearings…” He trails off, letting his unspoken words loom over them.

The elevator then chimes, everyone’s gaze snapping to see who it was. Thor and Valkyrie turn the corner into the kitchen. Valkyrie pauses at the small group all looking their way. Thor scanned over them as he continued to meander into the kitchen. His eyes were a bit bleary and hair not quite kept as he started rummaging through a few cabinets. “You wouldn’t happen to be discussing Loki?” He mumbled, his eyes lighting up once he found an unopened box of poptarts.

It had been a while since Thor came by, but Tony always kept them stocked, just in case. Thor tore open the box and then ripped the plastic packaging, taking a large bite out of both pastries. 

“Actually-” Sam starts but Clint cuts him off.

“How likely is it that he’s gathering all the information he needs on us before literally stabbing us in the back?”

Thor paused for a moment before finishing his mouthful, “Well, he’s definitely keeping up with any information he can get. But that’s just how he is in general. He likes to know things. As for using it against you…” He remained silent for a long moment, conflicted on whether to give his most honest thoughts or to keep his brother as safe as possible, “I can’t lie. He is dangerous, you know that already. But usually, he’s most vicious against those that have wronged him.”

Clint slammed his fist against the table. “He attacked New York and tried to take over the planet on a whim. On top of that, we literally fought him, Thor. He’s not gonna want to play nice with us.” He growled out, his anger seething.

Thor seemed to deflate, his eyes downcast and mournful, “I understand your feelings towards him. I’ve just… I’ve lost my mother, my father, my home, and much of my people. I don’t want to lose him too if at all possible.” He choked out, his voice cracking a couple of times as he spoke.

Clint slumped into his chair with a heavy sigh as he crossed his arms, frustration mellowing out but not quite dissipating, “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, but I really think this is going to bite us in the ass.”

Valkyrie strides fully into the kitchen then, planting a hand on the table Clint sat at while looking down at the man, “I can tell you, as someone that doesn’t trust nor really like the god myself, if he wanted to kill one of you, he would have at least tried by now.”

Clint gazed up at her, giving her his full attention. Though he did roll his eyes at her statement, biting out sarcastically, “Wow, really reassuring.”

“It is.” Val stated as she straightened, looking over Thor and then the rest of the group. “Loki may be batshit, but he’s smart. And the smart move wouldn’t be to cause problems for himself. If anything, I bet he’s scheming on how to hightail it outta here with as few issues as possible.”

“Then why hasn’t he already left?” Clint questioned.

“He may be replenishing his magic,” Thor provided, “especially if he plans to go far.”

“On a similar note,” Tony butts in before the conversation could continue, looking up at the ceiling, “Jarvis, where the fuck even is he right now?”

“I brought him to the library, sir.”

Tony snorts, the image of Loki holed up in a library, engrossed in a book was… amusing? endearing? fitting in an uncanny sort of way? Yeah, lets go with that last one. “What’s he readin’?” Tony asked, curiosity piqued.

“A collection of Edgar Allen Poe’s works, sir.”

Huh , Tony thinks, even more fitting . “Tell him I recommend Harry Potter.”

X

Though the elevator floor was cool, Loki didn’t really notice it through his cold-tolerant skin. In fact, he felt feverish and heavy. As if heated, liquified metal was flowing through his limbs and pooling at his head, chest, and joints. He lied there for what felt like ages, trying to gather himself. But then the ceiling voice spoke up.

“Excuse me Mr. Loki, but Rogers and Barnes wish to use the elevator to reach the kitchen. If you need more time, then I can-”

“No.” Loki cuts him off in a firm tone, determined to not give them any more reasons to see him as weak. “I can get up.” He forced out through his teeth, his voice more shaky.

He placed his hands underneath himself, flat against the floor, and pushed himself up while pulling his knees in to put his weight on them. That alone was enough to make him feel a bit winded, his vision swimming. He took in a couple of deep breaths as his vision returned to normal, and then attempted to push himself up to stand. But his knees shook and buckled, making him fall back down onto them and his hands.

With a growl, Loki’s hands balled into fists, his sharpened nails digging into his palms. He glared intensely at the ground, mentally cursing himself. Norns, why can’t I just stand. It’s something even infants can do. This is so stupid. With a grunt, he eyed the room in front of him. It was only a couple feet to get into the room. He scowled, he would not let this best him.

Shifting his weight, Loki pressed one shoulder to the ground and tilted the other one forward, using the little momentum to roll forward. His back was now flat against where the elevator met normal flooring. A deep breath of air filled his lungs before he released it through a heavy sigh. He pulled and pushed against the floor with his hands and feet until he was fully out of the metal contraption. Thank the Nine no one could see him like this. The elevator doors closed, leaving with a mechanical sound.

Loki then rolled onto his front and groaned, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, he was unsure of just how long he had kept them closed for. The lights above were dim, the room brightened by beams of sun gleaming through tinted curtains. He turned his head so that he could gaze down at the rows of books before him, slowly maneuvering himself to sit up and cross his legs. He scooted down the aisle, not bothering to try with his legs for the moment.

His eyes grazed through the various titles, his fingers skimming across a couple of the spines to feel the different grooves and textures, “Jarvis?”

“Yes, Mr. Loki?”

“Do you have any recommendations? I’ve not read anything from Midgard in a while.” Loki had come to Midhard once before, a few hundred years ago. Thor wanted to see how the humans were doing while Odin was off to some sort of political meeting. Loki decided to tag along with Thor and came across a well-liked playwright. Loki couldn’t quite place the name, Shayspear, or something. Shale… speer? Shake… 

Loki’s eyes caught sight of something. A name. The name. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. Loki hadn’t expected his stories to last so long on Midgard. Their lives went by so fast, he thought the same would be so for their stories. He was glad to see that they’re preserved. He always loved reading the dusty old books he’d find tucked away in Asgard’s libraries, even back when he could barely understand their old runes.

He pulled the book out, carefully turning it over in his hands. The cover was a light brown color with gold lettering.

“Well,” Jarvis said, “That book is actually a good place to start.”

Loki hummed. He would like to read through this, but he also was curious about different works, ones he’d be completely unfamiliar with. “Could you give another recommendation? I’ll get to this one later.” He stated as he tucked the book back into its spot.

“Do you have any preferences?” 

“Not particularly.” Loki answered. Though he does prefer some stories to others, he’s not one to turn down a book. 

Jarvis was silent for just a moment, “I believe you would like the works of Edgar Allen Poe, Mr. Loki.”

“Alright then.” Loki browsed through the shelves, this time taking him a bit longer to find the desired book as it was on a different shelf. He paused as he looked over the cover. Black background, The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe in scarlet letters, and dead in the center, a raven.

The image of the animal made him feel… uneasy and melancholy. Odin had his two ravens watch over him for many years as a child. Though, it was less about protection and more about ratting out anything wrong Loki ever did. That was until Loki found out how to properly bribe the birds of course. He even got them to gather information for him on a few occasions. He hadn’t seen them in a while. They were probably dead now though. 

Loki opened the book to look over its contents before any particular emotions could consume him. There was quite a lot to read from. “Any specific ones you’d recommended?” 

“His most popular works consist of The Raven, The Tell-Tale Heart, and The Fall of the House of Usher. I think you’d also like The Black Cat.”

Loki nods before looking around the room, spotting a chair in the corner. He crawls and scoots his way over there, managing to haul himself into the seat. He let out a sigh as he relaxed into the soft cushion, getting comfortable with his legs thrown over one of the chair’s arms and opening the book to the first story Jarvis listed.

The first story quickly gripped Loki’s attention, everything else around him fading into the background. The dark tone of mourning and madness was sharply portrayed by the text’s accompanying rhythm. It was clear that the author was not only a skilled writer, but also had experience with sorrowful agony. The raven’s repetition of words into the speaker’s hopelessness was the skillfully wrapped bow that held together the pristinely slaughtered corpse that was the story.

It was also worth noting that the characteristics of the raven were quite accurate. They often looked at you in such a way, as if they knew a secret about yourself that not even you were aware of, and rarely did they ever let you in on that secret. Loki found it all very fascinating. He wondered what kind of life this author must have lived in order to create in such a way.

The Tell-Tale heart was not as fun to read. Not because of a fault in writing, but because it made Loki uncomfortable, made it difficult to block out certain thoughts and memories. The further into it he got, the more ill he felt. He was surprised to find that, by the time he finished the story, his own heart was racing.

He took a few breaths before moving on The Fall of the House of Usher. He was impressed with how all the stories had a certain darkness to them. This story too gave him a similar discomfort like the last one. However, there was also a sort of… familiarity to it, a sense of understanding. He’s been in that house, with the Chitauri. He’s had his fabricated family crumble all around him. He’s been locked away and sealed off.

Loki never really cared for romantic stories, even as a child. He couldn’t grasp it, such strong feelings of love . He struggled to even imagine ever likely anyone to such a degree. Yet, he found himself enamoured with how the narrator cared so dearly for Roderick Usher. That too felt unimaginable.

The Black Cat was his favorite of the four. It was certainly smaller than the cats he knew, but it appears the behavior and mannerisms of the creatures are just the same. Devious little beasts. Loki found himself chuckling at the various ways the cat tormented the narrator.

Then Jarvis spoke up.

“Sir would like you to know that he recommends the book series Harry Potter.”

Loki raised an eyebrow as he glanced up inquisitively at the ceiling, “What is it about?”

“Magic, Mr. Loki.”

Loki snorts and rolls his eyes, an amused grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, “Is that his idea of a joke?”

“It certainly is. Though, it is quite popular as well.”

The god hummed in thought. He was more than a bit curious to see what kind of book a man like Stark would recommend, as well as one of Mirdgar’s interpretations of magic. “I’ll get around to it,” came his answer before he continued his story.

After finishing the story, a growl tore through the silence as soon as he closed the book. It caught Loki off guard before he realized it was his stomach. Ah right, he was supposed to eat. But he really didn’t want to interact with people right now.

“Jarvis?” He asked, becoming increasingly aware of just how much he was coming to rely on the being. 

“Yes, Mr. Loki?”

“Is there any way you could bring food here? Without me having to interact with people?”

“I believe I know a way. What would you like?”

“Hm,” Loki was silent for a moment, in thought. He was having the same issue as last night. He had no clue what to eat. A heavy sigh rushed out of his lungs and past his lips.

“Perhaps you could list foods you are familiar with and then I could give suggestions of similar foods?”

The first thing that came to mind is boar. Though, Loki often grew rather tired of boar. It was not a poor dish by any means. It was a staple in Asgard, and that just made Loki sick of it that much faster. He couldn’t stand eating the same overly rich, overly fatty meat everyday. However, it had been quite a while since he last ate it. And now he never will again. He found himself craving it, at least the nostalgia of it. Fear did bite at him though, out of worry that tasting something that was merely meant to be a replacement would ruin the small fondness he had for it.

But he supposed he couldn’t avoid it forever.

“Would you happen to have anything similar to boar here?”

“I believe I know just the thing.”

X

Tony, Steve, and Bucky were now the last ones gathered in the kitchen, when the small chime of the elevator sounded again. They turned to see who was now going to turn the corner and join them, just to see DUM-E make an entrance with a resounding beep.

“DUM-E! You little freak, what are you doing up here?” Tony asked, affection clear in his voice despite the apparent insult.

Jarvis did the answering, “Mr. Loki requires food, but doesn’t want to risk social interaction. So, I’ve recruited DUM-E.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Steve groaned out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I cannot tell jokes, Mr. Rogers.” Jarvis lied, making Tony snort. Definitely his AI son.

“What’s on the menu then?” Tony placed his hands on his hips, curious what the god would be eating now. 

“We’ve decided on bacon, Sir.”

Tony hummed, nodding in approval, “Good choice. You know what you’re doing DUM-E?”

DUM-E beeped, raising his metal claw. A confident yes. He strolled further into the kitchen, opening various cabinets to find a baking sheet.

Tony decided to step out of that section of the kitchen, not wanting to become collateral. He sits down at the island, right beside Bucky. He quickly regretted his seating choice as he noticed the way Bucky tensed up. But he couldn’t move immediately, could he? That’d be even more awkward. Tony was thankfully brought out of his worried thoughts by a clatter. DUM-E had knocked over a pot in his retrieval of the baking sheet. Tony got back up to put the pot away, “Come on now, we don’t live on a farm like Clint.”

DUM-E beeped again, dismissing the concerns, and then went to the fridge to find the bacon. Tony quickly caught the carton of eggs before they fell to the floor. DUM-E beeped in victory, bacon in claw. “How about you let me help?” Tony offered, already foreseeing the disaster ahead if he didn’t intervene. He opened the bacon and started laying the strips out on the sheet, then looked at the oven controls. He wasn't exactly a cook, but it can’t be that hard right? He put the bacon in and set it to a heat and time that felt right.

He burned it. He hadn’t even left it in there for that long, but the smell gave it away. With some assistance from Jarvis, Tony helps DUM-E make some bacon that actually looks edible. He offers the burnt bacon to the two soldiers. Steve frowns at the offer. Bucky shrugs before taking a piece, stating “It’s not that bad,” before continuing to eat the rest.

At last, someone likes Tony’s cooking.

Tony secures a closed container on top of DUM-E before sending him on his way to the elevator, “My son’s going places.”

“He’s going to the library… to give Loki food…”

“That’s still a place, Rogers.”

X

Loki rests in the same chair, starting to doze off when the elevator chimes and opens. He can’t see inside the elevator from where he’s at, but he does notice the top of a metal… claw? passing through the bookshelves. This makes Loki curious, leading him to stand up from the chair to investigate.

He’s a bit wary, unsure of what could possibly be awaiting him, but he does recall Jarvis saying he had a way of getting him food without involving people.

The god stops in his tracks, jaw dropping at the large contraption before him, “What in the Nine…”

“Loki, meet DUM-E. DUM-E, Loki.” 

Loki glances up at Jarvis as he’s introduced before looking back at the thing before him. He tilts his head slightly and gives a small bow, “Hello?” DUM-E gives a loud and excited beep in responses, causing Loki to grin, “I take it you’re one of Stark’s creations?” DUM-E waves his claw in confirmation.

It’s then that Loki notices the container attached to the robot. He removes it carefully, rolling his eyes once he spots a little note on top stating: I helped - Tony . “Don’t worry, I like you better than him.” Loki declares to the machine as he pats its… he’s not sure, but DUM-E beeps happily at the praise.

“I’m afraid DUM-E will need to be heading back to the lab to assist Sir.”

“Oh, alright.” An edge of disappointment lingers in his tone, “Good work DUM-E. And thank you.”

DUM-E beeps as he rolls back into the elevator, waving his claw in goodbye as the doors close. A sigh escapes Loki. He realizes he prefers the robots over the people.

With food in hand, Loki trudges back over to his seat, only then noticing that he had stood and walked with relative ease. He decides not to dwell on it, fearing it may revert with a vengeance if he gets too happy about it. He sinks down into the chair with a sigh.

The container opens with a few clicks, revealing the contents. Loki doesn’t quite expect it to look the way it does, but it’s not exactly unappealing. He takes a piece, cringing at the greasy residue it leaves on his fingers. As soon as he takes a bite, growls rip from both his throat and stomach. He blinks. That seems a bit overkill, but he supposes it doesn’t really matter.

Because thank The Norns, it’s not an affront to his sense of taste or smell. It’s rich and flavorful and, Nine, he’s starving. He tears the piece in half, barely chewing before he downs it. The second half meets a similar fate. Then he stuffs the whole of the second piece into his mouth, having to chew longer before he can swallow it.

After that, Loki forces himself to rip the pieces into smaller parts before eating them, attempting to pace himself. His hands are shaking, and he’s still eating far too quickly, and he doesn’t even notice how ragged his breathing has gotten until he devours all the food. He doesn’t even recall how much food there was.

Loki would have taken concern with whatever that was , but he’s far too sated. He plops the container onto the floor and lounges in the chair, licking at his fingers until there was no grease left. He curls up then and dozes off.

Pain shoots through his stomach, causing him to jerk awake. He grunts and curls in on himself further, wrapping his arms around his middle, “Norns! Why…” Comes his whiny complaint as he rolls onto his back with a groan, “Jarvis! How long have I been out?”

“Thirty-seven minutes Mr. L-”

Loki cuts him off with another, louder groan of pain as he rolls onto his other side, “What in the Nine-! ”

“Perhaps I should get Dr. Banner-”

“No!” Loki snarls, glaring at the ceiling as he growls. He’s panting at this point, sweat forming on his brow. Claws dig into his own skin as he scrunches his eyes shut. Nausea hits him, causing him to bare down on his teeth to keep from vomiting.

Why is this happening? He ate food. He went to sleep. Those are normal things. Unless the food did this, but why-

A memory buried deep in his subconscious emerges. He remembers something about Jotunns eating raw meat. But that’s an Asgardian rumor; he doesn’t know how much truth there is to that.

Another jolt of pain pierces through him.

It seems to be the best explanation he has.

He sighs in despair, “I’m fine. I’ll just sleep through it.”

And he tries, but his rest is fitful for the next hour. Thankfully, the adverse effects do seem to subside soon after that. He lies there for several more minutes to collect himself.

Thirst itched at him now, and he didn’t want to ask Jarvis for assistance again , so he willed himself to get up. He brushes off any concern Jarvis throws his way and pads into the elevator. He takes in deep breaths as the elevator ascends. In theory, he could ask Jarvis in advance if there’s anyone in the way of the kitchen, but he can’t really bring himself to speak. He’s on his own with this one.

The elevator chimes and the doors open, revealing an empty living room. Loki doesn’t get excited just yet. He carefully walks around the corner, peering into the kitchen. No one. Loki decides this is a success.

He slinks into the kitchen, looking around now that it was daylight and no one else was here. Then he searches for water. Issue is, he can’t seem to find it. It’s not even in the… what was it. The cold box. He huffs before his eyes land on the sink. A surprisingly universal contraption, though looking dramatically different across planets. That is- if this one does indeed serve the assumed function.

He grabs and turns one of the handles. What looks like water comes out. He lets it glide over his hand. It feels like water. A bit warm actually. He swaps which handles he turned. Then he scowls at it, willing any deception to be revealed.

Nothing.

Well, that’s about all the testing he feels like doing. He cups his hand under the faucet, scooping the clear liquid up to his mouth and drinking. It’s water. Another success.

Drinking from his palm proves to be more trouble than it’s worth, so Loki tosses his dignity out the window and haunches over to drink straight from the water.

Once his thirst is satisfied, he straightens, switching off the water and turning around.

He’s promptly greeted with the sight of a straight-face Romanov. How delightful.

“Were you drinking straight from the sink?”

Loki doesn’t answer, certain it’s pretty clear that’s what he was doing.

She stares back at him before eventually gesturing to her chin, “You’ve got some water…”

The god wipes his chin and mouth with the back of his hand, not taking his eyes off her. He doubts she can do anything to seriously harm him, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get stabbed or shot.

Romanov crosses her arms and leers at him before approaching, “Not gonna talk?”

Loki tries to keep her in his line of sight, but she walks around him- out of view - circling him like a predator. An intimidating tactic, an admirable approach. It’d be more effective if he was human.

But Loki doesn’t feel like explaining that he went into some sort of feeding frenzy, greatly enjoyed the food, had it rebel against him in the form of horrible stomach pains, wallowed in a chair for a while, got thirsty, and made the treacherous journey here.

So, he just stares back, holding her gaze whenever she comes back into his sight.

Romanov continues,  circling him all the while, “It’s pretty fucked up you know. You invade earth, kill people, wreak havoc, overall cause a shit ton of problems for us. But here you are, practically living here, because Thor can’t bear to lose you. You’re lucky he’s here, cause who knows what would have happened to you by now if not for him.”

She stops right in front of him and sneers, “The least you could do is fuck off to New Asgard.”

Loki has to admit that she has a point. Staying here doesn’t make the most sense. But just the thought of trying to recharge in New Agard, around Sif and Volstagg and Hogun and Fandral makes him snarl. He realizes she probably thinks he directed that specifically at her. Oh well. He simply huffs and walks past her, stalking down the hall.

Natasha watches him with narrowed eyes as he goes.

Once in his room, Loki promptly collapses onto the bed and lets out a long groan. He keeps his face planted in the bed for quite a while before tossing himself over to lie on his back. This is stupid and not what he wants. Everyone is harassing him. Ok, not everyone, but everywhere he goes he gets harassed. Asgard, New Asgard, doesn’t matter, they’re the same, Earth is the same. Sakar, the trash planet , was better than this. All it took was scaring a couple people that tried to cross lines beyond comprehension for him to get a reputation of: Actually, don’t bother that one . At least most people on Sakar could take a damn hint. All he had to worry about then was the Grandmaster, an issue he would have liked to terrorize for longer, but Thor just had to ruin his fun.

Loki sighs and crawls further onto the bed and just sits, thinking. He doesn’t know what to do. The room is so… quiet. In a way he doesn’t like. It’s uncomfortable here. He prefers the library, but doesn’t want to walk back there now.

With a hum, he summons the book he acquired on the previous planet. Reading typically puts his mind at ease, so it’s worth the attempt. Just a few pages in and he quickly realizes he has no idea what it’s talking about. It doesn’t discuss magic per se, but movements and tones. Dance and song, Loki concludes. He assumes it must be a way of performing magic, or that the actions are the magic. Loki knows many cultures consider the arts themselves to be magic. He doesn't really agree, but he can see the merit to it.

The issue is, terms are given to actions without explanation , clearly assuming that whoever is reading the text would have the cultural context necessary to understand.

Loki does not. He doesn’t even know the true origins of the book. That doesn’t stop him of course. He continues to read despite his lack of context. He finds it enjoyable actually, trying to decipher and piece together a language based on the magic he does extensively know.

He gets lost in it, consumed . For a while, nothing else existed. It’s nice. He does eventually start to notice an odd sensation, a pull, but he ignores it in favor of his reading.

But the pull gets stronger and stronger, until he can’t ignore it. He places the book down and looks around curiously. Something’s wrong.

He cautiously paces around the room, checking every corner twice. Nothing. He peers under the bed. He cringes at the sight of the pillow. It makes him feel sick. But it’s not the problem. He investigates the bathroom, even stares into his reflection. It unnerves him.  But he’s not the issue, not this time. He pulls back the curtain covering the window and gazes outside. It’s just normal buildings and a normal sky…

He goes back to pacing, biting at his nails as he does. He doesn’t remember that being a nervous habit before. 

The pull gets more insistent. He breaks skin, Jotunn blood filling his mouth. He spits it out onto the floor with a grimace. This feeling…

Wait-

No…

He’s felt this before…

No.

No. No. No. No. NO. NO.

Loki faces the door. He’s trembling slightly, breathing and heart rate picking up. He swallows as everything moves. There’s voices, murmurings. The world shifts, falling, dragging him down with it.

He grasps the door handle tightly and pushes it open. He marches down the hall. The voices grow louder, he doesn’t understand a thing. He makes it to the living space. There’s too many people in the room. Everyone is in the room. Loud voices. Dramatic gestures. Unhappy, argumentative. 

There’s a figure Loki doesn’t recognize. Red and green skin. They turn, and Loki sees it. That damn stone. The one that he wielded in his hand, the one that was in the scepter, the one that Thanos used…

He doesn’t see anything else, everything starts to blur. The voices become muffled. His ears are ringing. He can’t feel anything, not even his own claws sinking deep into his palms. Blood drips onto the floor.

He blinks, head snapping in Thor’s direction as he points at the thing in front of him, “ What in The Norns’ names is that? ” He snarls, venom laced in his words. Thor shifts uncomfortably.

“That-”

“My creation occurred due to rather… unique circumstances.”

Loki’s head whips back to the figure. It spoke. It responded . It has intelligence.

It takes a step towards him, and Loki quickly takes two steps back. His eyes are wild with an animalistic fear, like he’s being corned.

Despite the differences of everyone else in the room, they all share a similar thought then:

“ Not good .”

But most are at a loss for what to do. So of course Tony quickly jumps in, attempting to mediate the situation, “He’s helped us in a battle. He’s chill.”

“Yes,” Vision continues, “My assistance was needed after the creation of Ultron.”

Tony frantically tries to signal to Vision to stop talking. It does not work.

“Stark and Dr. Banner were using the mind stone to create an artificial intelligence. Ultron was the first result. Though, his desire for destruction was-” 

Loki stops listening as his concern grows with every word. His jaw drops before he zeros in on Stark now. Banner is nowhere to be seen now, “What.. in the nine realms .. were you thinking!? ”

Tony regrets trying to mediate. He scrambles backwards, climbing over the couch as Loki storms over to him.

Loki cares not to climb over the couch, instead shoving it across the room as he continues his approach, “ Do you have any idea how stupid, how dangerous that is? Tampering with a stone is dangerous enough, but you were trying to make it into a sentient being!? ”

Tony holds his hands up in surrender as he’s back up against a wall. With Loki standing over him, he becomes hyper-aware of every inch Loki has on him.

Tony decides to try to defend himself, “You had the stone in the scepter.” He argues.

Loki’s eyes widen at the sheer impudence of such a statement, “ The scepter wasn’t sentient! ”

“Loki, it’s fine now,” Thor insists, taking a couple steps towards his brother.

“Surtur’s ass it is,” Loki spits out in his direction.

Loki looks back at Stark with a deadly glare. Tony wishes he could phase through matter.

“I just thought a device like that would have benefited us in protecting earth.” The latter explains.

Loki bares his teeth, hands coming up and fingers curling as if he wanted to eviscerate the man in front of him. A part of him did, “ You can’t just do that, you fool! Norns! ”

“I’m sorry,” Tony squeaks. He’s given up, already writing his will in his head. He should have made a physical one sooner.

Loki groans and shoves his face in his hands as Stark practically withers away. It is not helping his frustration. He takes a few steps back, running his hands through his hair and pulling , “ That stone- it’s not- you can’t just- Norns .”

Vision takes a step forward, “If I may-”

“ You may not! ” Loki snaps.

Vision takes the hint and takes three steps back. Loki’s grateful that it at least has some sense.

“Loki,” Thor steps closer, sounding stern, “There’s no point in this. It’s already done with. It’s-”

Loki raises a hand to silence him, glaring at him, “I don’t want to hear it from you. You know more about the stones than the rest of them.” He gestures broadly to the people in the room, only then realizing that, along with Banner, Barnes has left the scene as well. There’s also Rhodes and a woman he doesn’t recognize. “How could you let this happen?”

“It’s not like I control them!”

“ They’re your friends are they not!? ” Loki snarls, “ Or do you not care for them as much as your dear Jane? ” It’s a low blow, and Loki knows it. He thrives off it.

Thor scowls, “Don’t mention her like that.”

Loki narrows his eyes, “Or what?”

“Hey!” Sam butts in, purposefully placing himself in Loki’s way to refocus the god’s attention, “How about we calm down a second. Loki, I know you have your reasons to be upset-”

“Obviously,” Loki states before looking back at Stark, not allowing Wilson to continue, “Do you know what would have happened if you so much as touched that damn stone?”

Tony, ever the curious scientist, can’t stop himself, “What would have happened?”

Loki, though his anger has simmered down, still has a clear glint in his eyes. Evidently, a sadistic one, as he explains in a casual tone, “Well, it could have shot you through space and time, scrambled your mind, taken your body as a vessel, or make you explode with the immense amount of magic that would course through you.”

“Oh… good to know…”

The room goes quiet. Everyone is looking at him. Why is everyone looking at him? He turns back to face the… being, “With as much respect as I can muster, you should be disposed of.”

The thing opens its mouth to speak, but the voice Loki hears does not belong to it.

“Not happening.”

Then the room is suddenly falling, and Loki grunts as his back lands flat on the ground.

He blinks before sitting up, facing the unfamiliar woman. He hadn’t noticed before, having been caught up in the mind stone. But it’s hard not to know now that it’s in his face, having knocked him on his ass. But this redirects his attention.

“You’re a mage.”

She scowls at him, “I am,” summoning red strands of magic. It also has a… pull to it. Interesting.

She hurls her magic at him, leaving him very little time to deflect it with his own green magic. It’s impressive honestly, not novice by any means, but it’s clearly sporadic, unruly. Impulsive magic is often more of a danger to the user than the target.

Loki stands and fixes his clothes as he eyes her. He didn’t feel like fighting her right now, he didn’t even know if he could fight her right now. He’s exhausted. He’s supposed to be resting. He relaxes his posture, trying to indicate he’s not going to fight. But he can’t help from narrowing his eyes, searching deeper.

“What?” She snarls.

“You were influenced by the stone.”

She pauses, hesitates, “How do you know that?”

“I can sense it. It’s faint, but traces of the mind stone still linger.”

“Awfully perceptive of you.”

“Force of habit,” he admits before adding, “You’re rather competent.”

Another force of magic hits him in the side. He staggers but manages to stay on his feet despite being caught completely unaware. He stares at her, “ What in the Nine was that for!? ”

“I know a backhanded compliment when I hear one!” She declares, taking a step forward as she readies another ball of magic.

Thor quickly places a hand on her shoulder, “No- that uh… that’s just how he speaks.”

Loki tosses his arms out, “ What’s wrong with how I speak!? ”

“Well,” Thor starts, face scrunching as he delivers the news hesitantly, “You somehow manage to sound condescending, even when you’re sincere.”

Loki stares at him. What is he supposed to do about that? That sounds like their problem. “I can fix that.” He pulls a small blade from his light armor and points it at Thor, “By stabbing you.”

“HOW IS THAT GOING TO FIX ANYTHING!?” Thor takes several steps back and out of line of Loki’s blade. The mage also moves out of the way.

“Easy, I’ll feel so joyful and sincere afterwards that it’ll bleed over into my words.”

“Do it!” Clint calls out, “Show everyone how fucking insane you are!”

Loki leers at him, “You,” moving the blade in his direction, “I don’t have the energy to deal with you.”

“Then why the hell are you even out here?”

“Because of-” Loki whirls the blade back towards the mind stone, “That! That thing shouldn’t exist.”

The mage steps back up to him, blocking his path, fire in her eyes, “You don’t get a say in that.”

Daring. Loki admits, he admires such boldness. He also recognizes that he doesn’t actually have any authority here, no matter his knowledge of the stones. “You have a point,” he says before leaning closer, lowering his voice, “But let me tell you. Sentiment-” He spits out the word as if it burns to even speak it, “will not help you here.”

He sees something click behind her eyes. What, he can’t be certain, but he hopes his words make her realize it’s just not worth it.

“Loki,” comes Thor’s firm voice, “That’s enough.”

Loki’s gaze is drawn back to Thor’s.

Sentiment.

It will be the death of him.

Chapter Text

Steve sighs where he stands, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I think we’ve gotten a bit off topic.”

Loki scowls and looks over to Rogers, “Oh, I’m so sorry for interrupting. Please, go back to making poor decisions.”

“As if you have any authority on good decision making,” Natasha jabs from the corner of the room she’s leaned in, arms crossed.

Loki turns to her and shrugs, “I said nothing about my own choices. Just that yours are lacking.”

Groaning as he rolls his eyes, Clint looks to Steve from where he lounges on one of the couches, “Can I please shoot him?”

Steve gives a firm, exasperated “No, Clint.”

At the same time, Loki states, “That wouldn’t give you the result you desire.”

Clint glowers at Loki, and the god holds his gaze, glaring back.

“Okay!” Sam claps, gaining the attention of everyone in the room, “Lets calm the fuck down before there’s a physical altercation, yeah? Steve, you have a point. Loki… you did kinda come in here at a bad time.”

“Right, it’s my fault for existing in a room at the wrong time,” Loki drawls. He knows he’s not being fair, and to be honest, he’s not actually angry with Wilson. More so, he’s frustrated with the whole situation. And what better way to take out his frustration than to make everyone around him just as frustrated as he is. There’s a certain thrill to making people angry with you on purpose, especially when people get angry with you no matter what anyway. Though, Loki knows this only furthers distrust and resentment towards himself. But what else is he supposed to do? At least he can find joy in causing problems.

Sam frowns, “That’s not what I’m saying-”

Loki already knows that, “I don’t care,” comes his blunt response.

“Loki!”

And there it is. Thor’s typical scandalized exclamation of his name whenever he crosses lines just a bit too far for Thor’s liking.

Loki crosses his arms, gazing back at Thor from over his shoulder, wearing an unimpressed expression, “What? I’m just being honest.”

Thor scowls in disapproval.

Barton stands from his spot on the couch, “You fucking-”

Rogers places a hand on Barton’s shoulder to keep him from approaching the god. As he does, Stark makes his way from the wall finally. He nears Loki and the god stares at him. He doesn’t scowl or glare, just stares. Stark takes a step back. But, he does proceed to place his hands on his hips and narrow his eyes, staring back at Loki before proclaiming, “He’s fucking messing with you guys.”

“Yeah,” Ramanov says, “He’s just real playful right now. Aren’t you?”

Loki points his blade at her in warning before leering down at Stark. The man shifts, perhaps regretting his decisions, but stands his ground.

“I would know. Annoying people is one of my specialties.”

“We’ve noticed,” Steve says with disdain.

Stark glares at Rogers then, “I don’t like how you said that.”

When Tony looks back at the god, he jumps and places a hand over his heart. Because Loki, having not appreciated Stark revealing his fun, is now much closer to the self proclaimed genius, with the sole purpose of making him uneasy.

“Stopping fucking doing that!” Stark exclaims, “You’re going to kill me!” He points at the god. “Then you’ll lose an ally.” 

Loki tilts his head as he looms over the man, “Is that what you are?”

“Yes. And also, don’t back me into corners next time you're angry with me.”

“You already assume there’s a next time?”

“It happens. And I’m being serious. You’re scary when you want to be. I nearly pissed myself.”

Clint snorts, “I’d pay to see that.”

Tony raises a finger, “Number one,” he points it at Clint, “Weird.” He raises a second finger, “Number two,” he smirks, “Kinky.”

Clint recoils and buries his face in his hands, letting out a guttural scream.

“It’s your own fault for saying that!”

Loki frowns at the exchange, suddenly even more uncomfortable with the energy in the room. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” he announces before turning on his heel to leave. He pauses at the sight of the mind stone’s vessel, taking a moment to point his blade at the mage, “You. Just keep that away from me if you like it so much.” Not bothering to wait for a response, Loki continues his march towards the elevator, pleased that the doors open as he approaches.

“Where are you going?” Thor questions.

“Library,” upon stepping inside the elevator, Loki turns at the sound of Wilson.

“Loki! Hang on.”

“I am on the verge, Wilson. What is it?”

“Well, uh… the whole team’s going to be having a sort of therapy session later today.”

Several complaints break out amongst said team, causing Sam to turn to face them, “Complaining will not help you! No one has a say in this anymore!” He looks back to Loki, “I was wondering if you’d-”

Loki sees where this is going, “Luckily, I’m not part of your team , so…”

Tony shakes his head, mumbling under his breath, “Lucky bastard.”

“Sorry, Wilson.” Loki concludes, and a small, minuscule part of him genuinely is.

Just as the elevator doors start to close, a man- Rhodes, Loki recalls -steps inside with him. Loki side-eyes him in suspicion, “Are you here to privately threaten me as well?”

Rhodey almost wants to ask about the ‘as well’ part of that accusation, but he doesn’t. Instead, he simply sighs and answers, “No. I just don’t want to be in there anymore either.”

Loki doesn’t hear any falsehoods in his statement, so he relaxes. He just seems tired and irritable. They all seem tired and irritable. That's something the god can relate to, Loki unfortunately realizes.

He looks the man over, noticing the metal encasing his legs. It wasn’t like the suit of metal he had seen the man in before. He wonders about its purpose. If it’s meant to be light armor, why not cover the rest of the body where more vital organs are? It seems rather pointless in that regard. Perhaps, it’s meant to aid with a physical impairment.

Loki looks away and mutters, “That’s understandable.”

The elevator doors slide open to reveal the library. Loki walks right in, hearing the doors close again to take Rhodes elsewhere. The god marches right over to the chair and gets comfortable in it, releasing a sigh as he closes his eyes.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jarvis says, “Vision’s personality is based on my own.”

“Delightful as you are Jarvis, that doesn’t help.”

X

“Well, I think that went just great,” Tony declares.

Clint, lounging on the couch still, head propped against his hand, mutters, “Yeah, that went real great. He comes in here, has a come apart over Vision, corners you, fights with Wanda, threatens to stab Thor. Normal stuff.”

From her corner of the room, Natasha chimes in, “Actually, you can chalk up that last one to normal sibling behaviour.”

“I can attest to that,” Wanda adds.

X

Loki lies in his chair for hours. Not sleeping, but resting. Well, as much rest as he could get. His mind was drifting, thinking. What he does best. He’s plagued with all the ways that damn sentient vessel could go wrong. 

The sun is setting, its few beams of light making the sky a dark blue. Jarvis chimes in, “Loki, Wilson would like me to inform you that their meeting is about to commence.”

Loki grunts, rolling onto his side, “I thought I said I wouldn’t be joining.”

“Yes, but he wanted me to mention that Vision would not be joining them. In case you wanted to stop by.”

Loki glances up at Jarvis, considering. Wilson seems to consistently be going out of his way for him. And this could be a good way to stay on Wilson’s good side while learning more about the people he’s currently stuck with. And he has nothing better to do.

Loki sighs, “Tell him I’ll be there in a moment.”

Once Loki steps out onto the living room floor, he’s greeted with the smell of food. He follows it into the kitchen where everyone seems to be gathered. Loki walks until he’s just outside the parameter of the kitchen, coincidentally where Barnes has also found himself. Neither want to actually be amongst the chaos of people.

Sam catches sight of Loki and saunters over, smiling, “You’ve decided to join us?”

Loki eyes the large group, muttering, “We’ll see how it goes.”

“Well, right now we’re all just getting something to eat. Feel free to get something for yourself.”

Stark suddenly appears right beside Wilson. He offers Loki a plate, “Bacon?”

Loki frowns, thinking of how sick it made him before, “No.”

Tony frowns in return, “Was it that bad last time?” Then he quirks a brow, “Or do you prefer it burnt?”

Loki’s face scrunches in bafflement as he looks at Stark. Why is that even a question? “No. Other reasons.”

Tony accepts the answer with a shrug before heading back into the kitchen. Loki watches him go, accidentally locking eyes with the red mage. She’s giving him an awful glare. Loki rolls his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’d rather you’d just attack me.”

“I’m not some feral animal. I can control myself, unlike you I hear.”

The room tenses up as the rest catch on to the conversation. Loki narrows his gaze, “A problem in my opinion. Such potent magic and a capable mind, but you use your skills like a novice.”

Steve tries to but in, “That’s for a good reas-”

But Wanda has her own concerns, bristling as red tendrils weave around her hands, “If you think you’re more skilled for being a man-”

“What?” Loki questions. He knows well enough the biases for masculinity on Asgard, assumes it must be the same here on Midgard. But he doesn’t understand why said bias is being assumed of him . He never fit into Asgard’s standards. Thor and his friends have more of a history in that. “No. I’m not that stupid.”

Wanda makes to respond, but Loki continues, leaning closer, “I am more skilled than you because I’ve been practicing magic long before you were even a thought in someone’s head.” Loki hisses before straightening himself. “And your assumption doesn’t even make sense to me as I am now.”

“What do you mean?” Tony questions over a mouthful of bacon.

Loki looks at him curiously for his child-like manners before answering, “Jotuns aren't strictly split into male and female.”

That just makes Tony push further, the scientist in him begging for answers, “Oh? So you mean you have like-”

Loki cuts him off, “What are your thoughts on being skinned alive?”

Tony, without missing a beat, “Not fond of it.”

Loki sneers, “Then I suggest you stop talking.”

“But how can you be sure?” Comes from Thor.

Loki looks to him with utter bafflement, “Thor… look at me… I am in this thing!” He gestures erratically to himself.

“So-”

“No! None of it! If you speak any more on this, I will kill you.”

Thor closes his mouth, looking like a kicked dog.

“Is that a serious or playful threat?” Romanov goads.

“That’s for him to find out.” Loki sighs, trying to compose himself before looking back to Wanda, “I don’t know why you’re so antagonistic towards me.” He says while placing a hand on his chest dramatically, as if he was wounded. “Though, I will admit, I still prefer you over that… wizard you have here.” He sneers as he mentions the previous magic user, gesturing vaguely.

Bruce, who’s on the other side of the kitchen, almost drowned out by the rest of the group, “Wizard? What wizard?”

“You know, the one that likes to make circles.” He twirls his finger around to mimic a circle, “He claims to be protecting earth… Dr. Stephen Strange.”

Natasha snorts, “Strange?”

“Yes, I know. Dr. Annoyance would be more fitting.” He tilts his head and raises a brow, “So you don’t know him?”

Clint scowls, “Do you really think we know every person that claims to be protecting earth?”

“Well it’s not like he’s on the other side of the world! He’s in New York.”

Tony chokes on his bacon, “New York!?”

The avengers exchange looks, various levels of confusion and suspicion. Tony continues, “Do you think we should check that out?”

Sam waves him off, trying to reel the conversation back in, “We can worry about the mysterious wizard later. We have other concerns right now. How do you expect to engage a wizard like this?”

“Simple,” Steve says, “We’d send a small team for me to lead-”

“Of course you’d be leading them. Are you gonna hand pick who you’d be babysitting too?” Tony sneers.

Steven steps into his space, “You have no right, Stark, to be speaking like this.” The argument spirals.

Loki can’t stop himself from smiling, soaking up the drama, the chaos. He didn’t even have to ignite this one. Oh, this one has been festering . It makes Loki giddy.

Clint catches Loki’s grin and glares, hands on his hips, “You’re just eating this up, aren’t you?”

Loki’s smirk wides, showing his teeth, “I do love a good spectacle.”

The argument dissipates upon the realization of Loki’s enjoyment.

Steve gives a disapproving frown, “This isn’t some type of show.”

Bucky, still by Loki, shrugs, “It’s more fun than being in it.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “I’m sure.” And then crosses his arms, “Are you not going to pay up for your sadistic, voyeuristic tendencies?”

Loki snorts, “You were the ones being exhibitionists.”

Thor frowns as he makes his way out of the kitchen, “I’d rather you not say words like that when I’m around.”

Loki lets him by, but he can’t help but gawk at his plate, “What in the Nine are you eating?”

The other pauses his stride to look at Loki, down at his plate, then back to his brother, “Food. Bacon, carrots, and earth pastries.”

“Why?”

“It’s balanced.”

“That is not balanced!”

“Yes it is! Protein, vegetables, and sweets! It’s balanced!”

“If that is a carrot, then it is a root! ”

“Wh- It’s still a vegetable!”

In  the kitchen, Wanda mutters to Natasha, “My god… They really are siblings.”

Meanwhile, Loki continues with an exasperated look, “Norns, you’re expected to lead Asgard, and yet you still have the palette of a child.”

“My palette has nothing to do with my leading skills.”

“It’s about presentation! Setting a good image!”

“And that's why I’ll have Valkyrie to help me with that!”

“.... What?”

Thor shifts and breaks eye contact, looking more uncertain about this than his food choices, “We discussed it… back on the ship. I don’t think Asgard should be ruled by one person anymore. At least, not like before. I just- I can’t handle it.”

Loki is stuck, silent and still as he takes in Thor’s nervous admissions. He looks more like the boy Loki once knew him as. But his words- they’re more mature than a Thor he knew years, months, weeks, days ago.

Thor looks back to Loki, “I planned to ask you to help me lead Asgard as well. If you’d like.”

If Loki was stuck before, then he is stunned now. He can’t think of a response, struggling to wrap his head around it. Around the idea that Thor would think of such a thing. After everything…

The rest of the room is quiet, most feeling awkward at listening in on what somehow ended up being a serious conversation.

“Where is the Valkyrie?” Loki asks.

“Oh, she didn’t want to stay in the tower any longer. I took her back to New Asgard…”

Sam clears his throat, “I think this is a good start to some serious conversations. Loki,”

Said god snaps his gaze in Wilson’s direction.

“Would you like to get something to eat first?”

Loki looks back into the kitchen, where most of the people still are. Just observing it made him feel suffocated. But he doesn’t need them to know that.

“I suppose,” he drawls out.

He saunters into the kitchen, weaving through the people. He gazes down at foods that were already strone onto the table and deflates. He’s right back where he was when he first tried to find food.

“Would you like me to help?” Thor calls out.

“No.”

Loki grunts and scowls as Thor shoulders his way in beside him, “Too bad.” Loki huffs in frustration at the invasion of personal space, but he quietly appreciates as Thor goes on listing which foods taste like what Asgardian equivalent.

“Oh!” Stark sees this as a great moment to shove a cold cylinder into Loki’s hands, “Try this.”

Loki eyes it suspiciously, though he does appreciate the temperature. “What is it?”

“A drink.”

“Hm…”

Stark shows him how to open it, and Loki proceeds to awkwardly maneuver his fangs around it. It’s a hassle, the canister clearly not made with fangs in mind.

Once he finally manages to taste the drink, he chokes. He cringes, not liking it at all. 

He turns to spit it out in the sink, “What the fuck ?”

Tony wheezes at the use of an earth swear, “It’s just soda. Carbonation. Air.”

“I hate it.” He rinses his mouth out in the sink before glaring back at the inventor, “You better watch your back, Stark.”

“Wha- I didn’t know you’d react like that!”

“Well, I don’t take kindly to being made a fool.”

Stark narrows his eyes, “Are you messing with me?”

Loki forces himself not to smirk, sauntering past the man to get his plate of food, a variety of fruit, “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.” He enjoys how tense Stark becomes from his proximity. It’s amusing. For someone able to pick up on Loki’s tricks, he’s unsettled rather easily by him.

As Loki exits the kitchen, he hears Clint taunting Stark, “So much for allies.”

“Zip it.” The latter snaps in return.

Sam starts herding everyone into the living room, gesturing for them to all get seated. The seats have been arranged into a sort of misshapen circle.

“You’re not even a real therapist,” Clint snarks.

“No, but I’m the best you’ve got right now.”

Loki takes his seat in a cushioned chair, munching on his fruit as he observes how the others take up the space. 

Wilson sits to his right in another cushioned chair, and Barnes is to his left in a non-cushioned one, elbows resting on his thighs with his face propped up on a closed fist.

On Wilson’s right, Thor takes up most of a two person couch, Banner wedged in beside him.

To the right of them, Stark is lounging against one end of a full sized couch while Barton and Romanoff occupy the other end. They’re bunched up together much more than to Stark, with the latter resting one leg across Barton’s lap.

And across from them sits Rogers and the mage on another full sized couch, though the two sit as far apart as possible. 

The elevator chimes, and Rhodes walks in, standing behind the space between Wilson’s and Thor/Banner’s seats.

“You can sit with Steve and Wanda. Or we could pull you up a chair if you want?” Wilson says. Loki catalogs the new name. 

“No,” Rhodes declares as he rests his hands on each of the seats in front of him, “I don’t plan to stay long.”

Wilson sighs, “If you insist. You wanna go first then? I’m thinking we could all just go around, share something about ourselves, maybe mention coping mechanisms.”

“Yeah…” Rhodes takes a breath. Loki can feel the turmoil bubbling under the surface. “I got involved in… all this,” he makes a brough swooping motion to the whole group, “through Tony. Tony’s the reason I can walk again. And all this is the reason I’m disabled now.” He sighs, “The people that brought us- you guys together in the first place have been taken over by fucking nazis, and throwing a bunch of random people together to save the world over and over again was an insane idea.”

He places a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “I commemorate your efforts, but I think this has run its course.”

Thor listens with confusion before looking around at his team, “I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

Tony cringes, sinking further into the couch, “We may have… skimmed over some details of what happened while you were gone.”

“A lot of details,” Bruce murmurs.

“They’re having a spat.” Loki declares, Thor looking at him in an instant, “Like an old married couple.”

“But how do you-”

“You focus too much on the bigger picture…”

Sam sighs, “Rhody and a few others think we should disband after a… particularly bad disagreement.”

“And you don’t?” Loki questions.

Wilson looks him in the eye, taking a moment, “No, I don’t.”

“Well, then,” Loki moves his gaze to Rhodes, “Don’t I get a say in this?”

The latter furrows his brow, “Hm?”

Loki smirks, “Weren’t you all brought together because of me? I played a part.”

Rhodes snorts, “That’s not how this works.”

Loki’s smirk morphs into a grin. Because despite the strife his chaos often causes, he actually enjoys bringing amusement to people he doesn’t want to disembowel. “Are you sure? Not even a little bit of input?”

Rhodes crosses his arms, “And what would be your input?”

“I think it sounds like torture.” He looks back to Wilson, “Why so intent on keeping it together?”

Wilson sighs, leaning forward in his seat, “It’s not that disbandment isn’t an option. I just think some of us are jumping ship too quickly. Going off grid is not helping anyone right now.”

“I go off grid all the time!” Clint barks.

Loki snorts, leaning in his chair to toss his head over the armrest as he laughs.

Clint scowls, “What’s so funny?”

“You’re heroes . You’re not supposed to be as dysfunctional as I am.”

“You’d be surprised,” Sam says.

“I suppose we’ll see.”

Rhodes takes a step back, looking at Stark, “Sorry, Tony.”

Tony waves him off, “Nah, don’t worry about it.”

Stark's posture is more tense, on edge. Rhodes almost looks like he’s grieving before leaving through the elevator.

Wilson clears his throat, “Alright… I’ll go next.”

He takes a moment to gather himself before going on, “I used to be military… airforce. Pararescue to be specific.” He pauses and shifts, “I left after I lost someone. Ronald Riley, my wingman. Focused on helping veterans with PTSD after that.”

The avengers knew this of course. But Sam’s goal isn’t for anyone to share anything new. It’s to remind them of why they’re all here in the first place.

Sam then smiles before gesturing to Steve, “That’s when I met this idiot. That’s how I got involved in… all this .” He makes the same gesture that Rhody made.

Now all of this is new information to Loki. He soaks it up, considers it in the context of these people, this world. It makes sense why Wilson has been trying to help him. Helping is what he chooses to do.

Sam looks to Loki, “Do you want to share next?”

Loki looks like a deer caught in headlights. No, he’d really rather not. He’s not one to give out information on himself. 

Sam can see the anxiety in the god’s expression, “You can go last. Get an idea of what you want to share first.”

Clint groans but decides not to comment.

Bucky shifts and tenses up, his hands not tightly clasped together. Sam’s about to offer for him to be skipped for now too but Barnes cuts him off, “I’m fine- I’m good.”

He’s silent for several moments, staring at the floor as he speaks, “Well… Go big or go home, I guess… Military. There’s a lot of that here. But I was in it with Steve back in the day.”

He pauses. It gives Loki time to think on that little information. He figures he must have a similar experience to the soldier with the serum. He could’ve sworn Barton told him there was only one super soldier.

Bucky continues, “I died… I should’ve died… but I was captured… given the serum… brainwashed into killing people for them… it was like a living nightmare… I still get nightmares…”

He goes quiet, still staring at the floor, his hands still clasped together.

Loki’s breath caught in his throat.

a living nightmare…

That’s all too familiar.

Sam gives Bucky a moment before speaking up, “Do you wanna share any coping mechanisms you’ve been using? Any plans for the future?”

“Um… I’ve been painting. I’m shit at it, but it’s nice. And I don’t really know… I wanna get better, but that’s not really how it works. I guess I want things to get manageable, and to figure out what I want to do from there.”

Sam nods, “Nothing wrong with needing time to figure things out. This shit- healing, it takes time.”

It moves onto the red mage then. Wilson asks her to introduce her full name. She glares at Loki, knowing it’s for his benefit, but compiles. Wanda Maximoff.

She tells of her hatred for Stark. How she agreed to be experimented on with the scepter. 

Loki digs his nails into his palms. Volatile anger, disgust, welling up inside him. She agreed to something so stupid while he was forced to endure torture under it.

Then she talks about her disillusionment that led to her joining the Avengers. Her all-consuming grief when she lost her brother.

Practicing her magic calms her, reminds her of him.

And well.

Loki can’t find it in himself to hate her over that. 

Next is Rogers. He was a soldier. Became the Super Soldier. Fought in a war. Lost many people close to him. Became a living relic, a man out of time. 

All stuff Loki knew. But he learns of more he hadn’t considered.

The fear and resentment for an easily corruptible government. The confusion of waking up in a different time, having to start a new life, but unable to let go of what you are. A soldier. The grief of discovering your dead friend was actually taken over by the enemy.

“I’ve seen what happens when a system, a government, becomes corrupt. We’ve already lost Shield to Hydra. I’m not risking something like that again.”

He says running is what helps him take his mind off things. It feels like he could maybe run away from his struggles.

They move on to Stark. His face is pinched in thought, propped against his hand.

“Ya know, my dad always talked about you. And god, I hated you. But I think I hated what my dad thought you were rather than who you actually are.”

He takes a breath, gathers his thoughts.

“We can’t just be given free range.”

“It shouldn’t be our problem if you can’t trust yourself. Are you just going to listen to whatever the government tells you?” The soldier comments.

“No!” Stark throws his arms out in exasperation, “I’m not saying to listen to Hitler 2.0 if he becomes president! I’m all for fighting from the shadows like Ninja Turtles if the government goes to shit!”

There’s silence. Despite the fact that this has gone off topic, Sam is more than willing to let it continue. Arguing might actually get them somewhere.

Stark’s breathing his more ragged, voice cracking with desperation as he gestures to himself, “I can’t be given a free pass when I make mistakes! And we can’t have assholes out there getting away with shit just because they call themselves vigilantes.”

Steve’s expression shifts, like he’s actually seeing Tony for the first time, “Then how do you think we should fix that?”

Tony groans and plants his face in the arm of the couch, “I don’t know.”

Sam gives them a moment before speaking up, “Do you want to add anything, Tony. Or would you rather move on?”

Tony looks over to him, “Huh? Oh! Right- that, um… yeah.” He shifts in his seat, “Well my dad was an abusive asshole. I became a drunken asshole. Got kidnapped and tortured. Became Iron Man. And now I’m here.”

“How do you deal with all that?” Sam asks.

“I drink. Painting and running aren’t really my thing.”

Clint chimes in jokingly, “I think I’ve heard something about you being an inventor.”

“I dabble.” Stark banters back.

That transitions to Barton, who makes vague mentions of him living on the streets with his mother before joining Shield. Romanov is equally cryptic, simply stating she was an assassin targeted by Shield before actually joining them.

“Riveting tales,” Stark mocks.

They go to Banner either way. He deals with the grief of the Hulk. Hurting people he doesn’t want to hurt. Suicide attempts. He wants to help people from the sidelines. He went off the grid when the others started fighting. 

And then there’s Thor. He lost his mother. His father. His brother- several times, yet he’s somehow still here. He lost his people. He lost his home. And he’s terrified of having them look to him.

And that leaves Loki. The closer and closer it got to him, the more anxious he felt. 

Mind control. Losing loved ones. Feeling you need to be in control or it all goes to shit. Lackluster fathers. Suicide attempts. 

He hadn’t expected to relate to practically all of them. That unfortunately doesn’t help him at all. They’ll think he’s lying if he relates to them. Accuse him of seeking attention. Does he even want these people to know such things about him? But Wilson went through such trouble to convince him to be a part of it. He can’t risk getting on everyone’s bad side. All these people…

How can people that care so deeply for each other become so intolerable?

He glances at Thor. 

The latter sharing his struggles didn’t help Loki either. It just made him feel worse. Maybe Loki really does make everything worse for himself. Maybe Thor has always been in the right.

Sam clears his throat, “If it’s too much for you-”

Clint groans, “Sam, oh my god. You can’t just have all of us here spill our guts and then let him say jackshit like it’s fine.”

Barton’s comment actually gets to the god this time. His heart quickens. It gets harder to breathe. He becomes more tense, staring at the floor. His hands are clasped tightly together, claws digging into his skin.

Sam thinks, “How about this,” he looks to Loki, “You don’t have to say much, but did you relate to anything that was said here?”

Loki’s silent long enough that it’s awkward. The others think he might just not answer as all.

But eventually he softly mutters, “Yes.”

Sam nods, giving him a moment, “Would you feel comfortable saying who it was that you related to?”

Loki huffs, frustration apparent in his face as he shifts in his chair.

Sam is about to dismiss it when Loki forms a small blade of ice, fidgeting with it.

Loki doesn’t respond to Sam for a moment as he focuses on twirling the blade, watching how he spins it in his hand.

He answers simply with, “Stark.”

Thor tenses up then, “Are you talking about Odin?”

Loki looks up to meet his gaze.

“Odin wasn’t like that,” Thor insists.

Loki sneers, “Well of course he wasn’t like that to you . You’re actually his son.”

Sam adds, “Yeah, Thor. Your different experiences with Odin doesn’t mean Loki’s aren’t true.”

But the god isn’t listening.

“If you’re so upset about our birthrights-“

Loki stands up from his seat in anger, hands clenched, “I don’t care about birth rights!” He shrieks before taking a step towards Thor, looking down at him with wild eyes. “It’s the fact that Odin had always treated me less than when compared to you…” He looks down at his hands, still holding the blade, “And then I found out why.”

Thor stands as well, “It didn’t sound like that when you attacked earth.”

Loki turns his head away, looking at the ground silently. He can’t bring himself to answer. So he dances around the topic.

“How come you’re so quick to defend him?” Loki meets his gaze again, tears welling up in his eyes.

“He’s our father. We’re supposed to respect him.” As Thor answers, Sam scoots further back into his chair. He’s hoping they can talk it out. But being between the two gods, he also doesn’t want to become collateral damage.

Loki growls at Thor’s response, “ Even with how dense you are, I know you are not that stupid, Thor! ” His body trembles from the force of rage that courses through him. “ He wasn’t even a good father to you! ” The anger in his words leaves Thor too stunned to speak.

Loki punches his brother in the chest. “ He raised you to be a fool!” His voice morphs into a hiss, “And as soon as you stepped out of line just a bit too much for his liking, he threw you out! No powers! Onto a different planet! ”

Loki narrows his gaze, getting further into Thor’s space, “A respectable father wouldn’t do that. You just don’t want to see it! ”

The room goes silent. Thor holds Loki’s gaze until he finally releases a heavy sigh and sits back down.

Out of all the possible outcomes, that wasn’t one Loki expected. He stands there, awkwardly, not sure what to do.

Sam clears his throat, leading to Loki slinking back into his seat where he proceeds to zone out while twirling the blade in his hand absentmindedly.

Sam remains silent for a few moments, letting things settle. Some good progress has been made. He’s just debating what to do next.

He doesn’t want to push Loki. But he does want to prove to the others that he’s not a hazard towards their safety. He decides it’s a risk he needs to take.

 “One more thing, Loki.” 

Said god glances at him, looking a bit startled. Like he wasn’t expecting anyone to speak to him after that.

 “We’ve noticed you have these… outbursts...”

Loki looks back to his hands and the blade. Everything feels slowed down.

Sam mulls over what to say.

Loki stays silent.

“Did something like what you did yesterday, on the floor Steve and Bucky were on, ever happen in the past?”

“I never did that before.”

This makes Sam pause, “Oh? …. So, what did you used to do when dealing with big emotions?”

Loki stares at the blade in his hand, feeling dazed.

He places his thumb against the end of it, “I cried.”

He pushes against it harder, “and cried.”

He presses hard enough that blood oozes out, but he’s unfazed, “and cried.”

Sam watches intently, concern etched onto his face. He doesn’t want Loki to harm himself. But it’s obviously meant to be a self-soothing behaviour. He doesn’t want to rip that away from him when he can’t offer an immediate replacement. So, he watches, prepared to intervene if the injury becomes serious.

Loki watches as purple blood runs down the blade, “until I threw up.”

Loki removes his thumb from the blade, inspecting the wound as it slowly heals, “And then I pushed forward.”

X

Loki treks after Thor and his friends. They’re deep in the woods now. He had tried complaining to get them to leave, but they just made fun of his whining.

“Are you scared, Loki~?” Fandral taunts.

“Yes! We’ve never been this far before. What if we get lost?”

And they snicker, calling him weak.

He isn’t afraid of the woods. He’s afraid of getting blamed for them getting lost.

They come to a stop atop a steep hill. Fandral smirks at the others before pushing Loki down the hill.

Loki shouts as he tumbles down the side of the hill, the world spinning around him before it comes to a stop. He groans and lies there a moment before he looks up, seeing them smile down at him. 

But not Thor.

Thor looks guilty. Despite that, the more his friends joke about it, he soon smiles with them. It’s just a joke.

Loki tries to climb back up the hill, but he falls back down it, landing on his back. He can hear Fandral and Sif mocking him. He growls and tries again, digging his fingers into the dirt. But his grip isn’t strong enough, and he slides back down.

One by one, they turn around and walk out of Loki’s sight. The boy panics and shouts, urging them not to leave him. 

Thor hesitates, looking down at Loki with uncertainty. But when his friends call out for him, he turns and takes off after them.

Loki sinks to his knees in grief and disbelief. Then the fear of abandonment kicks in.

Loki screams and cries as he’s left alone, punching and clawing at the dirt until he throws up his food. 

His sobs turn into shaky breaths then. He wipes his mouth and nose before standing on wobbly legs. He picks a direction and starts walking. He freezes when he comes across a pack of Dire wolves, brought out by the sound of him screaming.

Loki takes a step back before remembering what his mother taught him about these wolves. He hesitates before reaching his hand out, “It’s alright. I’m not a threat.”

He squeaks as the wolf opens its mouth, thinking it’s going to bite his hand. Instead, the wolf tugs at his sleeve, urging him to follow.

Loki follows after the wolf pack until they reach a less steep area. The wolves are able to get up it on their four legs. So, he does his best to mimic the wolves movements to climb over the rocks, roots, and dirt. In some way, he felt like an actual wolf.

He shouts in victory once he’s made it up, petting one of the wolves' heads. The wolves lead him to the outskirts of the woods where he can see the palace of Asgard.

Loki bows to the wolves and thanks them. The wolves lick his face, causing him to giggle.

Loki then makes his way back towards the palace. He’s gained more hurt in his heart towards Asgard, a handful of new acquaintances, and some dirt on his pants.

X

Loki quickly closed the door behind himself and pressed his back against it, shaking. The trembling just got worse until he slid down to the floor. He looked down at his pale hands and then up to see his reflection in a mirror across his room.

He stared back at himself. His eyes were wide and had a crazed look to them. His breathing was shallow and his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. He felt he might faint. It didn’t feel real. It felt like everything was crumbling all around him and yet he somehow wasn’t falling with it.

He forced his weak hands and knees to carry him to the mirror. Once there, he shifted, watching as his shape morphed yet stayed the same. He scowled. The shape was so similar. But the color was wrong. It felt off. It felt too easy. Like this was his skin all along.

“I’ll hunt them down and slay them all!”

“I’ll make them fear me!”

Tears ran down Loki’s face, breaking down into a sob before he snarled and screamed at the mirror.

Something came over him. Even though his body was still wracked with tremors, he was able to stand. His fist went through the mirror with ease, the sharp shards of glass tearing at his skin. It did nothing to dissuade him. He flung the mirror across the room, sending more glass to scatter everywhere.

He ripped the doors off his wardrobe, clawing at the clothes inside before ripping them out. He tossed most of them along with his bed sheets out of the window. He grabbed at his bookshelves and pulled until it collapsed.

Seeing the books scatter to the floor made him pause, breathing heavy with exertion. He dropped to his knees, the sobbing returning tenfold. He didn’t stop until bile lurched up from his stomach. He heaved as his head spun, resting his weight on his hands and knees. Snot and tears ran down his nose.

He stared down at the floor, at the mess, until he reached out sluggishly, like a dream, to grab one of his tattered shirts from the floor and wipe his face clean. His throat was sore, under eyes raw, and strength depleted.

His gaze caught sight of a dagger that had been scattered under his bed. He reaches to grab it. He holds it in his hands as he watches his distorted blue reflection shift back to his pale skin.

He looks into his green eyes, devoid of all sense of self and will. He grips the handle tight and turns the dagger on himself, the point of the blade pressed over his heart. He’d rather die by his own hand than Thor’s.

He pressed, feeling the sting of the blade against his chest as a few drops of blood ran out. But then he paused. His mind flashed with a scene of Frigg, the only family left with him, finding him in his destroyed room. Dead, in a pool of blood, life taken by his own hands. He couldn’t do that to her. His hand sagged to the floor, dagger left sitting in his limp hand.

A growl came from his throat. His grip tightened and then he sent the dagger flying across the room, embedding into the wall. What is he supposed to do then?

Wait.

Thor’s not here. Thor doesn’t know. Does he? No, he couldn’t… unless. Has he been planning to kill me all this time?

“I’ll hunt them down and slay them all!”

“I’ll make them fear me!”

…

Loki’s eyes catch one of the shattered pieces of mirror. He looks down at his reflection. Pale skin. Green eyes. Not blue. Not red. Just because he was born as them, doesn’t mean he is one of them. Is that enough to save him? No. He stands out too much. Even if he’s not Jotunn, has he ever been Asgardian? No, not really. He never will be.

But he can get close enough.

He stands from the floor, summoning on some intact regal clothes as he neatly slicks his hair back.

He can slay the Jotunn like Odin did, like Thor dreams of doing. And as Loki always prides himself on, he’ll do it more efficiently. He can fix this. He just needs to keep Thor from coming back too soon. He can fix it. He can fix it.

X

Loki was crumpled on the ground, heaving with sobs as his body trembled in pain. It was too much. Electricity coursed through him again, causing him to wheeze out a cut-off shout as his body seized. His jaw clenched and eyes rolled back, drool foamed from his mouth. He gasped as it stopped once more, going limp before whimpering and sniffling.

The Other brought a hand under Loki’s head, tilting it up so that Loki could look at him. Loki gazed at The Other’s face. He had gotten used to how unsettling he looked by now. But that didn’t make him any less wary of the being. Loki’s gut churned as he watched The Other’s lips morph into a sinister smile, revealing black teeth. 

“Are you scared, godling?”

The answer was no. 

The answer was always no. 

But…

How much more of this could he take?

He had fought, been fighting since day one. And he got burns, bruises, open wounds, and broken bones in return. And he still kept fighting. He didn’t want to be a pawn in someone else’s game.

But he was seeing visions of Thor lately. He knew the Chitauri were responsible for it. He just didn’t know how. Because the visions started before the Chitauri got into his head. And he could tell something was off around when the visions started. Something was here. Something was.. pulling at him.. somehow..

But he supposed that doesn’t matter as much now. Because they did get into his head, all while Loki was kicked and screamed along the way. Now they knew Thor. They knew Loki had nightmares about Thor killing him. In various ways. One of those ways being with lightning.

Loki was able to conceal what he really was from them. A  shapeshifter, a Jotunn, a mistake. But all they needed was Thor. Thor was the worst thing they could have found.

Odin was nothing to him anymore. He’d be glad if that old bastard dropped dead.

Frigg.. he ached to see her again. To be held and comforted. He could feel resentment bubble up from the fact that she had concealed his heritage as well. But still, he loved her. 

But Thor…

Thor.

Loki wanted him to suffer. He wanted Thor to go through an ounce of the pain Loki’s felt all his life. He wanted Thor to come here and save him. He wanted Thor to hug him and apologize for everything. Loki wanted to strangle him. Loki wanted them to actually be brothers. Not whatever this nightmare was.

I’ll even change , Loki thought. I’ll behave, I’ll be good, I won’t cause problems, or chaos, or tricks, or mischief. Just please…

please don’t leave me here..

surely, Heimdall knows where I am..

right..?

surely, they’re looking for me..

please…

I’ll be just how Asgard wants me to be.

…

But I’ve tried that before haven’t I?

It never works, does it?

No, he had never been able to do it just right. And he always felt miserable when he tried. 

Loki sniffled as the sobs started to come back, curling up on himself. The Other still lightly cradled his head. Loki knew it was a trap, the comfort. The Other always made sure to keep a distinction between the pain and himself. He always had others carry out the torture, never himself. But he was always there, watching. And afterwards he was careful with Loki, gentle. Always asked the same thing.

It was manipulation, false, lies. There was no real comfort in him. 

And yet… 

He was so tired. 

He broke down. He had held out on doing so here. But he couldn’t anymore. He screamed, and shook, and sobbed. He vomited. But it was only acid that came up. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. If The Other was bothered by the bile on his hand, he made no indication of it. He simply combed Loki’s knotted and greasy hair out of his face. 

Once the sobs subsided, Loki sniffled once more before weakly answering with his fried voice. 

“I am.”

The Other’s smile grew, “Good.” He dragged Loki by his shoulders to a wall and propped him up. He left for a moment, though Loki wasn’t very aware of it, and returned with a cloth and a bowl of murky water.

Loki sluggishly wet the cloth and tried to wash his face before The Other carefully took it from Loki’s hand and did it himself, “Admitting to the fear is the first step.”

Once The Other was done cleaning his face, Loki took a sip of the water, flinching slightly as The Other grabbed his chin and directed Loki to look at him, “You can use that fear to fuel the hatred I know you have.” Then The Other let go.

There was that feeling again. Something tugging at him. It was dark and lonely. Angry and bitter. Sad and hopeless. It was vengeance. It was unsettling. Loki wished it would leave.

Loki simply nodded before continuing to drink from the bowl.

The Other placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder, Loki did his best not to move away from it, “I think you’re ready to be brought to Him.” The Other dragged his hand to the back of Loki’s neck. Loki paused his drinking as his jaw clenched. He gazed into what was left of his murky water, looking at his barely-there reflection. It was unnerving being able to see his own fear in his eyes. “He will be pleased to see how you’ve progressed,” The Other continued.

Loki had heard of Him before. Though, he was not quite sure on who he is. A sinking feeling in his gut gave Loki an answer, but he did not want to listen to it.

He tightened his grip on the bowl. He’d sunk too far to pull himself out of this right now. There was no reasoning with them. They’ve deemed Loki an asset, and they will force him into that role one way or another. There was no escape. Loki had tried several times. All it got him was more punishment and anguish.

And there was no rescue…

There would have been a sign by now if there was.

Loki had to do this on his own. Luckily, he was rather good at that. He had gotten some practice over the years of being left alone or even having other’s problems dumped on him.

The Chitauri had only told him of one thing He wants him to do. Go to earth, bring back the space stone. Easy enough.

Loki will agree to it, under some accommodations. He wanted an army to bring destruction to that little rock that Thor seems to care so much for so suddenly. The Other and Him will gladly agree to it. Part of Loki, the part that keeps feeling the pull, liked this idea. But that was not the plan.

With an army causing chaos in his wake, surely some mistakes will happen. A few slip ups. Enough that Loki would unfortunately be defeated. And then he’d be taken away to a prison cell on Asgard. And he’d be free.

Loki gulped down the rest of the water, wiping his mouth as he placed the bowl on the ground, “Yes. I think I am ready to be brought to Him now.”

X

“Loki!”

Loki snaps his head in the direction of his name.

Wilson is closer, right by his side. His gaze snaps down as he processes Wilson’s hand carefully grasping his wrist. He tenses up. He wants to run.

“Hey, look at me.”

Loki, for whatever reason, feels compelled to do so. So, he listens. He isn’t sure what’s happening.

He hears more sounds leave Wilson’s mouth, but he can’t put them into words.

“What?”

He keeps his gaze focused on Wilson’s eyes. He doesn’t want to look at the world around him. He doesn’t want to know where he might still be.

“I said, what’s something you enjoy doing?”

Oh- well that’s simple enough.

“Reading.”

The word is heavy on his tongue. Everything is taking so much effort.

Sam relaxes when he feels Loki’s pulse start to slow. The god looks like a cornered animal. Wide, wild eyes and tense posture. Ready to lash out or take off. Probably both.

“Okay, that’s good.”

Loki’s not sure why that’s good, but he wants to believe him.

“Anything you’re looking forward to?”

“....”

“Loki? … Any kind of… plans for the future?”

Loki’s not sure how to answer.

The future. That feels so vague. Almost nonexistent. 

Sure, he has plans. 

Read the book of magic. Learn more about the people that he’s stuck with. Maybe learn more about this solar system while he’s still here. Read more books.

But is he really looking forward to that? Is that really how he wants to spend his time?

Does he want to help Thor rebuild New Asgard? Does he want to stay on this planet? Does he want to keep moving, never staying still?

“I don’t know…”