Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ni-ki felt his heart clench at the scene he was witnessing in front of him. Jay and Sunghoon had placed themselves on either side of Jungwon, and they had begun tickling the boy, who was currently having a rough time picking up the choreo. 

“Cheer up Wonie,” Jay exclaimed, fingers rapidly moving over the boy’s side, trying to make him smile.

“Yeah Jay’s right, baby. You’ll get the choreo eventually! Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Sunghoon said affectionately, moving his hands from Jungwon’s side to pat the younger’s head.

“I know hyung, it’s just normally it doesn’t take me this long,” Jungwon sniffled, trying to fight the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He was supposed to be everyone’s leader for fucks sake. Why was he failing so hard?

Ni-ki felt all the voices around him disappear as he became fixated on the trio, specifically on his two older hyungs that surrounded the younger

You see, Ni-ki wasn’t stupid. He knew that his members didn’t view him as the youngest, nor did they view him as the cutest. They saw him as a teenager who hated being coddled or doted on. But, Ni-ki couldn’t blame them. He could be found pushing away his hyungs on multiple occasions, ignoring their hugs and head pats on the daily; however, something about Jungwon being comforted and held when he was struggling made him feel real, well, how could he phrase it? 

Bad? No, that isn’t it.

Sad? No, that isn’t quite right either.

Mad? No, why would he be mad right now?

Ni-ki scolded himself for even trying to be mad at Jungwon for needing a little comfort at the moment. Whatever he felt started to make him feel a little nauseous inside. He needed to get some fresh air. 

“Guys, I’m going to go on a quick walk. I’ll be back before the break is over,” Ni-ki said to no one in particular, not failing to notice how none of his hyungs even spared him a glace. 

Ouch

Ni-ki gathered his phone, and pushed the practice room door open. He walked into one of the individual practice rooms on the floor, and locked the door behind him. He needed to find something to distract him from the gross feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

He opened youtube and began scrolling through his recommended feed. Nothing really stood out to him; there were a couple of soccer highlights, a new video game trailer, and some mukbang videos. 

Ugh, this won’t do.

Ni-ki scrolled to the top and clicked the search bar. He typed in ‘Enhypen Fan Edits,” hoping to find something funny to take his mind off of things. When the webpage loaded, Ni-ki froze in his seat.

‘Jungwon being the REAL maknae of Enhypen,” Glared back at him as the first search result. 

The first search result, out of millions of clips and videos, was one denouncing him of his title…

In the span of 3 days, the video had been viewed over 1.9 millions times. Ni-ki’s throat tightened as the feeling in his tummy grew tenfold. He knew he was bad at being a maknae, he was terrible at the role if he was being honest, but is this how everyone saw him? Someone who underperformed his role to the extent in which he didn’t deserve his title anymore?

Ni-ki didn’t realize he was crying until the shakiness of his hands made his phone drop on the floor with an audible clang.

Why had everyone replaced him? No one wiped his tears when he cried, or told him everything was going to be okay when he was going through a hard time, nor did they even pretend like they wanted to spend time with him. Everytime he wanted to go bowling or play soccer outside, his hyungs made it clear to him they didn’t have any time to waste on him. But here was a 15 minute video of his hyungs choosing Jungwon over him. They called him cute, and they wiped his eyes when he cried, and they always were taking him to do things.

It wasn’t fair! 

Ni-ki angrily wiped his tears. This was all his fault. Maybe if he didn’t try to act so tough, his hyungs would like him the way they liked Jungwon. 

He picked up his phone, and his eyes glanced over the time. Their break had ended 15 minutes ago, but no one even bothered looking for him. How didn’t they even notice his absence?

Ni-ki didn’t feel like practicing, but he knew he would be in serious trouble if he didn’t return to the practice room. Dragging his feet, he made his way to the door, not before checking his appearance in the reflection of the glass. He didn’t want anyone to notice he was crying, but if today was any proof, his hyungs didn’t care enough to pay attention to him anyways. 

When Ni-ki stepped inside the room, he was met with complete silence. The audio system had been turned off, as were the lights. Everyone had taken their belongings and left.

What the hell?? Where is everyone?!

Ni-ki unlocked his phone and went to ring Sunoo. Out of everyone, he figured he would have at least noticed Ni-ki wasn’t with them.

The other line rang six times before Sunoo picked up.

“Ya Nishimura Riki, at least tell us next time you leave early! We all stayed back to comfort Wonie, and you just left!” Sunoo scolded, voices of the other members peaking out in the back. “We are on our way home now. Be happy we aren’t excluding you from movie night,” Sunoo reprimanded. Ni-ki could fully picture his hyung’s eyes rolling as he scolded him through the phone.

 His grip tightened on the phone as he realized his members left him for Jungwon once again. What does he have that makes everyone love him more than they love Ni-ki?

“I’m sorry hyung, it won’t happen again,” Ni-ki said forcefully through gritted teeth. He didn’t even know why HE was apologizing when his hyungs forgot about HIM.

“It better not. We were very disappointed to see you left when one of your team members is struggling. We’ll see you at the dorm,” Sunoo said curtly, hanging up the phone even before Ni-ki could say get a word out.

The words Sunoo said so casually hung heavy from his ears. Disappointing someone was leagues worse than making someone mad. 

His hyungs were disappointed in him. They wanted nothing to do with him. He had failed them…

Ni-ki fought the new wave of tears that were threatening to break from the dam behind his eyes. No wonder they didn’t like him anymore. All he ever did was displease them. He couldn’t remember when was the last time they had gone out of their way to compliment him, tell him he did a good job. No wonder they preferred Jungwon as a maknae; he is hardworking and ambitious, always trying to do right by everyone. Ni-ki on the other hand was a burden. A burden who added extra weight and responsibilities on to his members.

Before anyone saw him about to have a breakdown. Ni-ki grabbed his stuff, exited the room, and made his way outside to start his walk to the dorm. The managers were already driving the others, and the last thing Ni-ki wanted was to burden them too. The long walk was probably a good thing though. It would allow him to exercise, whilst also giving his hyungs some time to stop being as mad at him. 

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When Ni-ki reached the door, he noticed all the lights were off. When he entered, he stumbled upon the entire group in a massive cuddle pile, with Jungwon in the middle. Just enough space was set aside for every member. Well, every member but him. Ni-ki felt all the stress from today push up in his body, and he quickly shuffled into his shared bedroom. He couldn't bear to see everyone so happy without him. 

The typically rowdy and loud room was filled with silent whimpers and sniffles that Ni-ki couldn’t contain, as the mental image of his members snuggled up against each other refused to leave his head. He didn’t deserve to cry or pity himself. I mean, he got what he wanted, right? They all saw him as grown enough to not deserve cuddles anymore. 

He quickly changed out of his practice clothes, and threw his blanket over his head. This was going to be a long and cold night he thought to himself, as his tears took over his body, leaving a sad and lonely boy to his thoughts.

Chapter Text

Ni-ki woke up to an itchy face and a desolate room.

It was a particularly gloomy day; the clouds molded over the sun, blocking out any hope of a mellow and sunny morning. His crying fest last night left his face feeling irritated and withered. To put it simply, he felt gross and so did the world. He dragged himself out of his bed and witnessed the continuously empty state of the room. It pained his heart to think of how forgotten he felt. He wondered, if maybe he was just a little cuter like Jungwon, or a little brighter like Sunoo, maybe his hyungs would focus on him for once. But at last, he wasn’t deserving of their attention.

He walked over to the vanity mirror in the room, and stared at the gray-colored boy staring right back at him. He looked pale and scrawny; his figure wasn’t one you wanted to hug and reach for in times of stress. He looked sad .

Ni-ki braced himself to face his hyungs this morning. Although they didn’t go out of their way to be attentive toward him, they definitely weren’t going to miss an opportunity to scold him about his behavior last night. 

He slowly turned the doorknob, trying to make as little noise as possible. He wished he could be as invisible as he felt in real life. Maybe it would give him a reason to understand why no one noticed him anymore. When he opened the door, he saw the heaps of abandoned blankets and pillows on the floor, meaning all his hyungs were probably in the kitchen. His stomach rumbled, and he was suddenly aware of the gnawing pain he felt. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday morning, since he practically ran to his bed last night. If he wanted to at least feel better hunger-wise, he’d have to face everyone after disappointing them last night.

Ah, there goes that word ringing in his head again: disappointment. 

That’s what he was to everyone around him. He disappointed engenes by regularly avoiding aegyo and skinship during their promotions. He disappointed his members by not fulfilling his role as the cuddly youngest who accepted guidance and help when he needed it. 

Most importantly, Ni-ki felt disappointed in himself for the constant feeling of envy that settled in the pit of his stomach. He felt guilty .

If he was a little more nice with his members, he could break down in front of them knowing they’d be there to catch him. The key word is “If” though. He pushed them away to the point of them not even trying to approach the youngest anymore. They replaced him with a nicer, cuter, and more willing member who accepted all the affection thrown his way; because you know, he was good at his job unlike Ni-ki. 

Ni-ki decided he should at least wash his puffy, tearstained face before making his way to the kitchen, not wanting to give the impression that he wanted to take the spotlight away from the second youngest. He was the one who needed it most right now, not Ni-ki.

Ni-ki walked into the bathroom, making it a point not to look in the mirror again, and quickly washed his face with cold water. He prayed his eyes looked a little less dead, and his skin looked a little more bright. 

You got this

He shuffled quietly as he made his way to the kitchen. At first, his hyungs didn’t notice him as they passed playful banter and perfectly timed quips around. Then with one creaky floorboard, 6 heads all whipped up to the direction where Ni-ki stood. 

Heeseung’s face hardened upon seeing Ni-ki. He looked him up and down and broke the silence. 

“Look who finally decided to show his face this morning,” Heeseung said, eyes rolling as he promptly took a sip of his coffee. “I think you have something to say to Jungwon, don’t you?”

Ni-ki fought the urge to clench his fists as he processed what he was seeing. 

Jungwon was perched, quite smugly might he add, on Jay’s lap, as Jake was feeding him his breakfast. The others had made it a point to sit as closely together, leaving one lousy chair by itself on the other side of the table; almost as if to represent them punishing Ni-ki. 

Whatever pity that remained in his system left. Ni-ki finally realized what that nasty feeling from yesterday was: it was jealousy . 

It was the same jealousy he felt when the birth of his younger sister meant his parents couldn’t spend as much time with him as they used to. It was the same jealousy he felt as he watched Sunoo fall head-over-heels Sunghoon during I-Land, leaving their friendship in the dust at times. Hell, it was the same jealousy he felt when he realized Sunoo and Jungwon didn’t have to try to win the hearts of his hyungs and engenes because they had natural aegyo.

This jealousy was powerful and dreadful, so Ni-ki normally felt terribly guilty whenever it developed; however, on this dismal morning he didn't feel guilty. No– he felt mad .

“No.”

Heeseung was taken aback. What did Ni-ki mean “No”?

“Excuse me?” Jay butted in, not even giving a chance to Heeseung to retaliate. “What do you mean “No?”

“You heard me. I said no, I have nothing to say to Jungwon hyung,”

“Ya, Niki! Apologize to your hyung, It was very rude of you to just leave yesterday, Jake scolded, eyes staring straight into the boy’s soul. 

“Leave? Leave!?,” Ni-ki yelled, voice growing louder per word. “The only thing that left yesterday was you guys! I was still in the fucking building you know. But you know, God forbid we ever check in on Ni-ki right? Ooooo Jungwon’s having a hard time, so we need to drop everything for him of course. Oh give me a fucking break. I don’t need to apologize to any of you! It should be me receiving an apology.” Ni-ki barked out, ignoring the shocked looks on everyone’s face.

“You know, I’m fully aware I’m not the cutest, I know all I am is a burden to you guys because you're older, But do you have to treat me like I’m invisible? Did you guys secretly plan to start ignoring me for fun, not wanting to touch me anymore like I’m some dangerous bomb that’s five seconds away from exploding?” Ni-ki shouted, voice cracking on the last word. 

He turned to look at all of his hyungs, who were currently sporting expressions ranging from shock to confusion. Why weren’t they saying anything? Why weren’t they yelling back at him? It’s obvious they don’t like him anymore, so why aren’t they retaliating?

“Ni-ki, I-” Jungwon started. Ni-ki’s eyes narrowed as they met Jungwon’s, and he immediately cut him off, not in the mood for excuses.

“ No . Don’t ‘Ni-ki I-’ me, hyung. You can admit it now you know. You’re happy I’m bad at my job, right? Everyone dotes on you and cuddles you because you act more like a maknae than me hyung. So don’t even try to argue with me!”

Ni-ki felt the beginning of tears start to come down his face, but he didn’t bother wiping them. He didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing how truly dejected he felt. 

“Ni-ki, that’s not true,” Jungwon hesitated, not trying to make the youngest madder than he already was. “We haven’t stopped seeing you as the maknae; it’s just… you push us away sometimes–”

“ I push you away? I’m the reason you guys avoid me entirely these days? The reason you don’t watch anything with me, go out to eat with me, or even ask me how I’m doing? Just admit you don’t like me anymore. All I am is wasted space to you,” Ni-ki choked out, voice becoming thick with tears and sobs.

“Ni-ki, that’s enough. If you just sit down, we could talk about this rationally,” Sunghoon urged, debating on whether to reach for the younger man, who was struggling to keep his heavy breathing in. 

“NO! I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITH YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE, SO WHY START NOW? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” Ni-ki screamed, regaining his voice just enough to say it without stuttering. 

He turned around and tried to storm back into his room, when a pair of warm arms circled around his body, restraining his arms in the process. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla hit his nose, and he could tell the culprit was Jay. He tried moving out of his grasp, but he was too weak. All he could do was crumble in the man’s hold. 

“No no no, let me go!” Ni-ki sobbed, trying to not bask in Jay’s scent and warmth. He couldn't get too attached now and be disappointed later when he got ignored again. 

Sunghoon took advantage of Ni-ki’s restrained state, and moved over to where he was crouched on the floor. He began running his fingers through the boy’s hair, whispering small words of comfort. 

“Hey hey, none of that now. Listen to me, you’re safe, you’re loved, and you’re here with people who would never hurt you on purpose, okay? Let’s just focus on breathing in and out right now.” Sunghoon murmured, not trying to stress the poor boy out even more than he already was. 

Ni-ki slowly began following the breathing pattern the older set out for him to copy. He felt the tightness in his lungs lessen, and his heart rate slow down. 

“Okay baby, are you with me?” Sunghoon questioned gently, still weaving his fingers through the boy’s locks, after seeing Ni-ki lean into the touch slightly. 

“Yes,” Ni-ki whispered, suddenly embarrassed at the silence in the room after his little outburst. 

Jay must have noticed the timidness in his voice, so he tightened his hold just a little more, probably to physically assure Ni-ki he was safe. 

“Do you mind telling your hyungs when you first started to feel this way, baby?” Sunghoon gently asked the boy. 

Ni-ki took a deep breath as he tried to get all his memories and thoughts into order. When did he start feeling like this? 

Suddenly a memory popped into his head; It was around the tamed-dashed promotional era. Ni-ki was getting fitted for a new set of stage outfits, when his tailor noticed he had grown a considerable amount since his last fitting. His members gathered around the measuring tape, and gawked at his new growth spurt that left him taller than almost everyone.

“Waaaaa Ni-ki, keep this up and everyone is going to start thinking you’re the oldest in the group,” Heeseung exclaimed, astounded at the maknae’s newfound height. 

“My baby isn’t tiny anymore,” Sunoo said, wiping imaginary tears that were leaving his eyes dramatically. 

“Thankfully we still have Jungwonie here to spoil,” Jay said, turning to the younger man and draping his arm over Jungwon’s shoulder. 

“Ugh, get off of me hyung,” Jungwon groaned, pushing the older man off him.

Ni-ki remembers being overly aware of his height that day. He didn’t fit comfortably into his members laps anymore, nor did his head burry into his members chest when they hugged. He felt oversized ; almost like a misprinted puzzle piece that had been bent out of shape to the point it no longer fit. 

He recalled the stories to his members, and he watched their faces fall by the time he was done. Jake and Sunoo looked absolutely crushed, while Jungwon and Heeseung didn’t look much better either. 

“You mean to tell me you’ve been feeling like this for more than a whole year now?” Heeseung inquired, horror written all over his face. 

Damn. I guess it has been a whole year.

“Yeah, sort of I guess. It’s just been a little worse just as of recently thought; I promise!” Ni-ki said, suddenly feeling guilty at his members' expressions. 

“No no no, don’t excuse our behavior for us Ni-ki. We haven’t been taking care of you like we are supposed to, so don’t try to spare our feelings,” Jay said firmly from behind me, guilt laced into his voice. “This is all our fault.”

“Wait, so you were still in the building when we left yesterday?” Jungwon asked, eyes widening at the realization.  

“Yeah…I was. When I came back, all the lights were off and you guys left…,” Ni-ki whispered, voice faltering as he recalled how abandoned he felt yesterday. 

“Wait, I yelled at you on the phone yesterday too! Riki, I am so sorry,” Sunoo exclaimed, tears welling up in his eyes as he realized how lonely the makane must have felt yesterday, especially after coming home to all the members snuggled up against each other on the floor. 

“Guys, I promise it’s fine! I was just overreacti–” 

“Ya, Nishimura Riki! It is absolutely not fine,” Jungwon exclaimed loudly, interrupting him in the process. “Everyone, including me, is sorry we’ve been neglecting you for so long you, You deserve so much more, so never downplay your feelings for us. As your leader, I should have been checking in with you more. I’m so sorry Riki, please forgive us,” Jungwon pleaded, head tilted down as if he was a kitten getting scolded. 

In that moment, Ni-ki could feel all the love his hyungs had for him. Sure, they had been a little distant unknowingly as of recent, but as Jay held him, Sunghoon petted his hair, and Jake, Heeseung, Sunoo, and Jungwon took turns apologizing to him, and showering him with verbal praises, he knew they were going to be fine.  

Ni-ki knew he was going to cringe at this later, but right now he didn’t care; he wanted as much comfort as he could get right now. “Wonie hyung,” Ni-ki said quietly, making grabby hands towards the older, not wanting Jungwon to beat himself up more than he already has. 

Jungwon looked up and immediately lurched forward towards the younger boy, and swatted Jay’s arms away so he could hug his maknae. Jay grumbled a bit as he loosened his arms around the youngest, but he made sure not to move away too much,  wanting to stay by Ni-ki’s side. Jungwon straddled Ni-ki’s lap as he enveloped the boy in a hug, moving his palm to the back of the maknae’s head, and pushing it to rest on his shoulder. It was cozy and peaceful as a comfortable silence fell upon the group.

But at last, his body betrayed him and his stomach rumbled loudly in front of everyone. He blushed and moved to cover his stomach. “Sorry guys,” He apologized bashfully. 

“Wait Riki-san, when’s the last time you ate?” Jake questioned, taking note of the boy’s rather pale appearance. 

“Oh, um… yesterday’s breakfast,” He said cautiously, knowing his members were not going to be happy with the piece of information. 

“YESTERDAY?” Heeseung yelled with shock in his voice, immediately springing up from his chair to go fix Ni-ki a plate of food. 

“Yeah without realizing I skipped dinner last night by mistake; sorry,” He said avoiding everyone’s eyes. 

Jungwon moved his hand to tilt Niki’s chin upwards so their eyes could meet. 

“No more apologizing Ni-ki. We’ve got you, okay,” Jungwon insisted calmly. They had to do whatever was in their power to make it up to the youngest. 

Ni-ki fought the urge to tear up again, this time out of joy of course. God, why was he crying so much these days? He has felt better in these past 15 minutes than he had in months. If only he spoke up a little sooner. Maybe he could have avoided this teenage angst phase of his life. 

Before getting too lost in his thoughts, Heeseung presented him with a bowl of congee with beef, but before picking up the spoon, Heeseung grabbed the utensil to begin feeding the boy. 

“Hyunggg, I can feed myself,” Ni-ki whined, blushing and turning his head away from the older, who currently had an eyebrow quirked upwards. 

“Ni-ki, let Hyung feed his baby,” Heeseung playfully tutted, holding the spoon to the younger’s lips again. 

As much as Ni-ki would never admit it to himself, he kind of liked being fussed over by everyone.  He begrudgingly turned his head to face Heeseung again and opened his mouth. 

“Aigoooo there’s my baby,” Heeseung cooed as he spoon-fed the youngest, giggling at the bright red flush on his cheeks.

Ni-ki tried swallowing quickly to protest Heeseung’s baby voice, but the look Sunghoon threw at him from the side made the complaints die in the back of his throat. He would just have to deal with the slightly embarrassing treatment from his older members. Jungwon played with his fingers, as Sunghoon kneaded through his hair, while Jay let Ni-ki lean against him. Sunoo and Jake ran off to the living room to reorganize the giant cuddle pile they were bound to end up at again later today. 

Life was good, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Fin

Chapter Text

Ni-ki knew his members felt terrible for how they had been treating him, but he did not know how much they would go out of their way to be affectionate with him.

In the days following his emotional outburst and their little heart-to-heart session, Ni-ki expected his Hyungs to be still relatively normal but just pay a bit more attention to him. However, what he did not expect was the constant pampering coming at him from all angles.

Now, he would be lying through his teeth if he said he didn’t slightly enjoy it. But there was something a little mortifying about Heeseung trying to feed him breakfast every morning while everybody would feed themselves, like, you know, capable adults? 

Heeseung had even gone as far as switching his seat at the table to be right next to Ni-ki, so every time they shared a meal together, he could simply twist his body and angle his chopsticks right in front of his face. The event would always go a little something like this:

“Vroooooooom open up, baby,” Heeseung would coo, sometimes holding out food that came directly off his own plate. 

“Hyung, knock it off! I can feel myself, you know,” Ni-ki would grumble, face turning pink as everyone around them smiled at the scene.

“I know you can, but you’re also Hyung’s baby; can't I feed you?” Heeseung would pout, obviously wanting to feed off the younger’s embarrassment. 

Ni-ki would eventually give up and cut his losses, as he knew there was no winning against the older, and he would open his mouth and avert his gaze. In this past week alone, he had given up on trying to save his reputation. 

But it wasn’t even just Heeseung who would baby him with no end; it was also Jake, who had taken it upon himself to get the younger ready almost daily. Whether it was brushing his hair, setting out his clothes for the next day, or applying his skincare for him while he just blissfully dozed off. Jake had taken it upon himself to be a sort of mother figure, and the rest of Hyungs didn’t really fall far behind. They, too, wanted to baby him in all ways possible, and although he was starting to get used to it, something gave him a weird feeling in the back of his gut.

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During their promotional period, Ni-ki would get the chance to see all his favorite idols backstage as they, too, were rehearsing for their performances that day. Usually, he would consider this a plus, but this day, he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, which was really affecting his mood. He could tell that his Hyungs were trying to give him space as they could tell he was feeling grumpy, but after his mood had not improved by noon, they decided to take things into their own hands, and by their own hands, it would be more accurate to say their own arms. Jay, who had been sitting on the couch, pulled Ni-ki into his lap and began running his fingers through the younger’s hair, attempting to soothe the anxious teen. With one hand in his hair, the other was rubbing his back and making circle motions. Ni-ki felt himself melt into Jay’s arms; taking in as much of his warm and spicy scent as his nose allowed him to. Jay always smelt the best out of all of his hyungs, with Sunoo not falling too far behind. As he began to dose off slightly, he heard an unfamiliar voice behind him. He turned his head and recognized it as belonging to a sunbaenim from a popular boy group. 

“How interesting. Your maknae really does act like a baby. I mean, doesn’t that bother you guys? I would get so annoyed fast,” The man said smugly, looking at the pair on the couch. 

Jungwon, trying to do damage control as always, sprung up to meet the man at the door. He bowed politely and, with clenched teeth, asked the senior what he was doing in their dressing room so unexpectedly. 

“Ah, I was just asked to come and give advice to all the hoobae groups here. You guys are good performers, so I don't feel the need to say much, but I will say you should drop the little kid act,” the man said while pointing at Ni-ki, who appeared like a deer in frozen headlights.”No one wants an idol who acts like they still need a stuffed animal to go to sleep. Also, considering how tall you are, I suggest you take a different image. The man smirked at everyone and shut the door, leaving a very embarrassed Ni-ki and an equally as concerned Enhypen, who all had their eyes fixed on the younger’s expression. Ni-ki’s stomach churned as the feeling of humiliation spread throughout his entire body, and he suddenly felt hot. 

“Hey Ni-ki, ignore him, he was just being weir-.” Jay started, only to be interrupted by Ni-ki launching himself out of his arms, body tensing as he stood up, 

“Yeah, I know. I’m just going to go to the bathroom really quick.” Ni-ki stammered, making a beeline for the door. He was going to be sick, and god-forbid he made an even bigger fool of himself in front of his Hyungs. He quickly made it to the bathroom, and he locked himself in a stall. Tears immediately began welling up in his eyes, so he tilted his head back, too scared to face the make-up noona’s rath if he messed up his look. 

God, why am I such a baby? Ni-ki thought, trying to hide the pathetic whimpers forcing themselves out of his mouth. What if everyone else thinks I'm too big to act like this, and they’ve just been laughing behind my back? That’s probably it, huh? I bet no one else relies on their hyungs the way I do. Ugh, I need to grow up, so I stop being a burden. 

The tears he desperately tried to hold back began streaming down his face. At this point, Ni-ki couldn’t hold back his tiny gasps for air as his body racked with sobs. 

However, Ni-ki’s actions were interrupted as he heard the door swing open. He immediately covered his mouth with the palm of his hand. He really didn’t want anyone to figure out he was having an embarrassing breakdown in the bathroom. That’s when he heard the familiar voice of two Stray Kids members filling the quiet bathroom. 

“Channie hyung can you believe he would even say that? I mean, what the hell is his problem? You already know this going to throw him off too,” Hyunjin complained, presumably to Bang Chan, who was beside him.

“I know, right? A washed-up hag thinking he could comment on our members. Like, when is the last time you had a schedule,” Chan complained while gathering paper towels. 

“I know, right? I hope he’s not crying still; I know he’s exhausted enough with this comeback.” Hyunjin responded, worry seeping through his tone. 

Ni-ki furrowed his eyebrows. Were they talking about the same sunbae that gave him advice? He is really experienced, to be fair, so he has to know what he is talking about, right? It is always better to be manly and mature, obviously! When his members debuted, they signed up to be idols, not parents.

Without realizing it, Ni-ki began to sniffle as he tried to clear his nose, but he abruptly heard the two boys outside stop talking.

“Excuse me, are you okay in there?” Bang Chan asked, taking some slight steps closer to the stall he was hiding in. Ni-ki felt his blood run cold as the other two were now painfully aware of his existence. So now, he isn’t just a baby but a creep who listens to others' conversations.  

“Oh yeah, I-I’m fine,” Ni-ki studdered, hoping it wasn’t obviously he was congested because of all the crying he had done earlier. It would be even more humiliating if his seniors found him crying like a baby when he should be outside practicing for their performance. Not only would he look childish, he would seem like a slacker!

“....Ni-ki-ssi, is that you?” Chan questioned, getting even closer to his stall door. Ni-ki began to panic now that his poor attempt at being quiet in the stall was up. He was going to face the other two as they judged him for being a bad idol! 

His eyes darted around the stall “Um, yes?” Ni-ki responded cautiously, not wanting to seem as if he was ignoring them but desperately hoping they’d cut this conversation short so he could go back to silently crying his sorrows away.

“..Are you crying?” Hyunjin asked, now standing outside his stall as well.

“No?” Ni-ki hesitated, failing to convince himself that he wasn’t crying, let alone his sunbaenim’s outside. What if they got mad at him for lying? He didn’t want to get scolded on top of everything bad today :(

“...yes,” Ni-ki admitted, praying that they weren’t disappointed in him for lying. 

“Do you mind opening the door?” Chan coaxed, wanting to confirm the younger wasn’t hurt or anything serious like that. 

“I can’t,” Ni-ki whispered, his hands shaking with anxiety. 

“Why can’t you, honey?” Hyunkin asked, feeling even more worried for the boy, who sounded seconds away from bursting into tears. 

“Because I’m not being a good idol right now,” Niki lamented, a new wave of tears building up behind his eyes. He can’t think of a single other idol who would be behaving this childish right now. He has a job to do, for fucks sake. 

“Oh baby, I’m sure that's not true. I’ve seen you backstage and at award shows, and you’re always a very good idol. Right, Channie-hyung?” Hyunjin said, using his eyes to motion to the door where the boy was still locked behind. 

“Of course, Jinne! You’re a fantastic dancer, and you have a wonderful voice, Ni-ki. I fully believe there’s no way you could ever be a bad idol. 

“But I’m hiding in the bathroom instead of practicing or warming up,”

“Do you usually hide in the bathroom  every single time you have a performance?”

“...No.”

“Well then, I think you’re a wonderful idol who’s having a bit of a hard time. Hyunjin and I would really like to help if there’s something wrong; therefore, can you please come out, Honey?” Chan pleaded, hoping that the younger would trust Hyunjin and him enough to help him.

Ni-ki weighed out his options. If he didn’t open the door, his sunbae’s would get his members, tell them he was being disrespectful, and then he would get scolded, and there’s nothing worse than knowing everyone around you is disappointed in you :( If he did open the door, he would have to face his favorite idols with streaky makeup and a puffy face from all his crying, which would be mortifying. 

“Ni-ki, I promise Chan-hyung and I won’t judge you at all, okay? Please come out for Hyungs,” Hyunjin pleaded.

Ni-ki took a deep breath as his shaky hand reached for the latch on the door. He kept his head bowed as he walked out, as he was sure his makeup looked atrocious right now. His stiffened, however, as he felt warm arms encircle his body. Within seconds, he crumbled into the embrace as someone’s hand brushed through his hair while another set of hands wiped the tears trailing down his cheeks. 

“Oh baby, tell hyungs what’s wrong?” Hyunjin cooed at the teen. Usually, such a tone would embarrass Ni-ki to no end, but right now, he selfishly wanted all the comfort he could get. 

“Nothing’s even wrong, hyung. I don’t know why I’m being so emotional. Ni-ki whined, suddenly feeling very shy under the calculated gazes of his seniors. So some Sunbae called him childish and said he should grow up, why did that even upset him so much? He was finally 18! By law, he’s an adult, so why can't he act like one? 

“If nothing was wrong, I don’t think you would be crying in the bathroom instead of being with your Hyungs Ni-ki,” Chan teased, giving the younger’s side a light poke. He had to admit that despite his height, the boy looked just as young as he did when he first met the group backstage in 2020. “Okay, if nothing is wrong, can you tell us how your day has been so far?” Did you have an argument with one of your Hyungs by any chance?

“No, we didn’t fight or anything, and my day has been okay, I guess. I did wake up feeling a little little off, but no one scolded me. I ate lunch with my hyungs, and after, I was sitting on the couch with Jay-hyung when…”

“When what, Niki?”

“I don’t know; it's just… Eunhwan-sunbaenim visited, and I guess he said something that bothered me, but it wasn’t even that big of a deal! I’m just being dramatic. Ni-ki pouted as he recalled the memory, feeling residual heat rise to his face from being called a baby. 

Hyunjin and Chan locked eyes and gave each other a knowing nod. Eunhwan had come into their room too, and called Jisung a baby for cuddling with Minho, which upset the younger a lot as well. Didn’t this guy have a job or something? Why was he going around trying to tear down the confidence of younger idols?

“Did Eunhwan-sunbaenim call you childish, by any chance?” Hyunjin asked despite feeling like he already knew the answer. 

Ni-ki’s head whipped up, was it that obvious what was wrong with him? Maybe he was right of Hyunjin was able to guess so quickly. “So you see it too, huh?” Ni-ki sighed, waiting for the onset of teasing waiting for him. 

“Ni-ki, I only guessed that because he came into our dressing room and said the same thing to Jisung earlier. The whole reason Chan and I came into the bathroom was to get paper towels to wipe Jisung's face after he cried. I can see you’re obviously not a baby, and I can also see you are so dedicated to being the best idol you can be. I would never discredit your hard work and call you a baby to make fun of you.” Hyunjin said earnestly, wiping away the last remaining stray tears on the youngers face. He couldn’t believe that bitter old idol had the power to make such a talented kid feel this way.

“He said that about Han-sunbaenim? But he’s such a good rapper and idol! He’s amazing at dancing, too; he doesn’t seem like a baby to me!” Ni-ki exclaimed angrily, feeling wronged on 

behalf of Han himself. 

Chan chucked behind him and patted the top of Ni-ki’s head. “We hear you Ni-ki! We couldn’t understand where he was coming from either, but let me tell you something. Jisung is kind of like a baby sometimes, but that’s okay. Everyone needs to be taken care of at times, but that doesn’t make them any less of an adult. I know it’s a little embarrassing to rely on others, but that’s what friends and family are there for! If one if your Hyungs were having a hard time, would you push them away and tell them to act like an adult?

“Of course not, I would try to cheer them up and make them feel better!”

“Exactly! I’m also pretty sure they’d do the same for you without a second thought, right?”

Ni-ki let the older man’s words settle in his head for a minute. His members have never said no to hugging him, going outside with him, or eating with him, nor have they ever made it seem like a chore, so maybe they didn’t find him as burdensome as he thought.

“Yeah, they always treat me really well, especially Jake-hyung and Heeseung-hyung.

“So why are you still here instead of with them, Ni-ki!? Hyunjin playful scolded, helping the younger boy stand up straight. “Come one, Chan-hyung and I will walk you over before going back to our own room. 

Chan gave one last wipe to Ni-ki’s face with a wet paper towel before asking him to blow his nose. Ni-ki blushed at the coddling but didn’t protest as it felt nice to be taken care of. Hyunjin took this time to straighten out Ni-ki’s clothes and brush back his hair. He was starting to look presentable again.

They walked out with their arms linked with Ni-ki in the middle of the older two. Thankfully the Enhypen dressing room was a short walk to the bathroom, so before they knew it, they came face to face with the door. Ni-ki paused, hand just barely touching the handle when Chan gave him a comforting pat on the back and motioned for him to enter. 

He took a deep breath and opened the door, and was met with six very worried faces. Jake, who was the first one to notice Ni-ki’s slightly red eyes, jumped up and immediately brought him into an embrace. 

“Oh baby, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Do you feel sick?” Jake said pressing the back of his hand to Ni-ki’s forehead. 

“Hyung, I’m okay, and no I’m not sick or hurt,” Ni-ki whined, removing Jake’s hand. He was being so embarrassing in front of their seniors!

“I’m sorry, Hyung was just worried,” Jake blushed after realizing he didn’t come alone. “Hi Chan-hyung! Hi Hyunjin sunbaenim! How are you two?

Chan smiled at the scene in front of him and waved to everyone in the room. “Hello everyone, we’re good! We just wanted to drop Ni-ki off for you guys. We bumped into each other in the bathroom.”

Jungwon stepped up and gave the two seniors a smile. “Thank you so much Sunbae’s! We hope he wasn’t any trouble,” He joked, curious as to why Ni-ki’s ears were bright red.

“Of course not Jungwon, and please call us Hyung!” Hyunjin pipped up from behind Chan. “Anyways, we should really get going now; have a good stage, everyone! Fighting!” The two members of Straykids smiled at Enhypen and gave Ni-ki a knowing glance that they couldn’t really decipher before closing the door behind them. 

“Riki-san, where have you been?” Jake asked, turning to their maknae, who was trying his hardest to avoid their gazes. 

“Hyungs, honestly…” He started while rubbing the back of his neck. He knew that Chan and Hyunjin would want him to tell the truth, but why was talking about your feelings so hard?  

“Don’t be weird about it, but I got sad after Eunhwan-sunbaenim called me childish, so I went to the bathroom and there I ended up meeting Chan-hyung and Hyunjin-hyung. I felt like… there was probably some truth to what he was saying, you know? I think you guys would have an easier time if I were more mature. Don’t you think so?”

“Oh, Ni-ki,” he heard Jay start behind him. “Of course we wouldn’t like you more if you tried to act more mature or something like that. You’re the baby of Enhypen, and we like it when you act like you, whether you think that’s childish or not.” Jay reassured, beckoning Ni-ki to come, who sat next to Jay, only to be pulled into his lap..

“Jay is right Ni-ki. We like it when you feel comfortable enough to have fun and be playful around us, and if that comes off as childish, then so be it! It’s no one else's business to tell you how to act. But we know that you don’t really like to be babied, so we’ll make to tone it down. On that note, why are your eyes red, though? Do you have allergies?” Heeseung finished, gazing at the youngest worriedly.

Ni-ki blushed as he hid his face in Jay’s chest, position oddly reminiscent of earlier that afternoon. He mumbled something so quiet that not even Jay heard him. 

“Come on, baby. You have to speak up,” Jay encouraged, giving Ni-ki small comforting pats on the bottom. 

“I was crying in the stall, and that's how the hyungs found me,” He mumbled a little louder before moving his face back into Jay’s chest. He heard his hyungs coo from behind him, and his ears grew even hotter.

“Our poor baby,” Sunoo teased lightly while walking over to the pair with a water bottle. “You’re probably a little dehydrated from all the crying Ni-ki. Please take a couple of sips for hyungs.” He passed it over to Jay, who maneuvered Ni-ki into a somewhat sitting position and held it in front of his lips. Ni-ki turned his head with a displeased pout and said he wasn’t thirsty. 

“Ni-ki, can you please drink at least a little? All the fluids you lost are bound to start hurting your head. Why don’t you want any?” Jungwon questioned, confused as to why Ni-ki was back to being stubborn. 

“Ugh, fine I’ll drink, but let me hold the bottle,” He grumbled, attempting to snatch the bottle from Jay’s hands, only to have it moved just barely out of reach. “Hyung give it to me,” Ni-ki whined after being denied the water they insisted he drink in the first place. 

“Ni-ki, you aren’t being polite right now – what happened to saying please? Also, why does the person holding the bottle matter?” Jay reprimanded lightly, moving Ni-ki so that his back was on his chest. 

“If I may,” Sunghoon interrupted, observing the scene playing out in front of him. “I think Ni-ki’s embarrassed because it looks like Jay’s giving him a bottle like one would with a child. He probably wants a little independence right now after this morning, so you should just give it to him.” Jay’s face contorted to one of understanding and then to one of uncertainty. Ni-ki was probably upset with him for all the babying and wanted some space. 

“Is that true Ni-ki? Do you want Hyung to stop?” Jay asked, feeling a little guilty that he must have been embarrassing the younger. He moved to slip the younger off his lap, but Ni-ki’s hand forcefully gripped Jay’s pant leg. 

“NO!” Ni-ki squeaked fearfully, then slapped a hand over his mouth after realizing how loud he was. 

“Okay, okay, there’s no reason to be scared, Ni-ki. You can stay on Hyung’s lap, but I’m a little confused as to what you want.  You tell us you don’t like the babying, but I’m not sure if that’s the truth.”

Ni-ki looked bashfully at his hyungs’ faces and began playing with his fingers and avoiding eye contact. The truth was he really did enjoy all the babying, but he couldn’t ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him to act his age and stop being so immature.  

“Guys, it’s not that I don’t like it, but I’m not supposed to. Everyone at the company, including Engenes, sees me as independent and mature, and I’m supposed to be what they want me to be. Even people who don’t know me see me as an adult or at least a teenage boy who’s on the verge of being one. So no, I shouldn’t enjoy you guys treating me this way, and I know you keep saying you don’t mind, but I mind.”

Jake stood up and sighed frustratedly. This kid was going to be the death of him, whether it be from cuteness or from stubbornness. “Okay, but who said you can't be a multifaceted person who has sides to yourself? Take Sunghoon, for example. Tabloids describe him as a cold-ice prince. Would you say that he is disinterested in anything but himself?

“Well no–”

“Take Jungwon; Engenes see him as a baby cat who is too cute for this whole world. Do you think him being cute makes him a bad performer who can’t do any other concept?

“No, Hyung does good in all concepts despite his natural cuteness–”

“So why would you be any different Riki-san? You’re allowed to be a complex person who has more to themselves than a ‘bad boy and mature vibe.’ The only one who isn’t seeing that is you. I think I speak for everyone when I say this, but you enjoying being babied doesn’t make me think any less of you as a person. You’re still the same maknae who loves to play pranks on us while taking care of us like you’re secretly the oldest. I don’t see you as just a baby the same way I don’t see you as just an adult. You’re Nishimura Riki, A.K.A, the best maknae we could ever ask for as hyungs.” Jake countered, feeling pity for the boy whose formative years in the limelight have definitely impacted how he views himself outside of the job. He was too young to deal with these burdens alone. 

Ni-ki’s eyes began to water as he felt the sincerity behind Jake's words penetrating the part of his brain that refused to shut up most of the time. What was up with him and crying today? Also, he really should have drunk the water Sunoo offered him earlier because he was starting to feel dizzy. I guess sometimes my hyungs do know best. He thought begrudgingly to himself. 

“Okay.”

“Okay, what Ni-ki?

“I’ll stop pushing you guys away, but can you promise me something? If you think I’m being clingy, I want you to tell me.”

Ni-ki felt Jay’s chest rumble with laughter before saying, “Ni-ki, I'm 99.99% sure that will never happen, but in the insane 0.01% it does, hyungs will say something. Now let me give my baby some water.” 

Jay untwisted the cap and held the bottle to Ni-ki’s lips, and he latched on despite feeling shy under the gazes of his members. The cool and refreshing water hit his tongue, and he instantly felt refreshed, and his pounding migraine lessened. The warmth from his hyung’s body was beginning to make him feel drowsy, and Jungwon, who kneeled on the floor next to them and started running his fingers through Ni-ki’s hair, wasn’t helping. 

“Hyungies, I’m gonna fall asleep I need to stand up–”

“Shhhhhh,” he heard Heeseung’s voice begin. Get some rest, Ni-ki. I’ll wake you up when we are close to performing so you have time to warm up.”

Ni-ki was about to protest, but some sleep sounded really good right now, and he knew all his hyungs were going to be there for him when he woke up, so maybe succumbing wasn’t the worst thing he could do. “Okay, hyungie. Good night.”

“Sweet dreams, baby, sweet dreams.”