Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley (known as Justin to few) is about to die.

It’s a funny feeling, really. The whole house was just talking about how they were all ready to die for each other (and Harry, he supposes- though he’s still not over that snake thing back in 2nd year) but he’s the one doing the slow, dramatic sacrifice. 

Maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or maybe it’s because he’s still a child , but he didn’t think it would feel like this.

His mind is racing.

J. Finch is no fool, no matter how many members of both the other houses and his own friends take him for one. He’s known of the danger they’ve been for pretty much their whole education at Hogwarts, so of course he knew. Especially after what happened- but the thought, even now, is too painful to remember.

He wonders, vaguely, if the house will mourn him like they mourned Ce-

He shuts the thought down as soon as it is born. 

It’s a dumb thing to wonder anyway.

Of course they won’t. 

He’s not Harry. He’s not- not him. 

He’s thought about dying a lot throughout all of this. He used to think that it was like going to sleep, like settling down in a bed after the longest day you’ve ever had and turning out the lights- but after he was Petrified, the thought brought him little comfort, so he hoped for something else. He wondered if maybe the Muggles had it right with the whole heaven and hell thing, and that God with a capital G (who always looked like Dumbledoor in his mind's eye, for some reason) would personally lift him up to a cloud to live on forever.  He’s wondered if the whole reincarnation bit has any merit, and contemplated the idea of shutting one’s eyes and opening them a moment later to be something entirely new. He once told Ernie that if he could choose, he’d be a very well kept owl, and Ernie had laughed, and that felt better than any spinach flavored bean he could have had. He’s wondered if it would be quick. Painless. 

Scary. 

It doesn’t really feel anything like those things.

It’s just quiet, mostly. That’s the main thing. For the battle raging around him, the screaming, the chaos, it is eerily silent.

There’s this ringing in his ears, and everything is going so, so slow as the curse finds it’s unintended target. There’s this rush in him as it hits him square in the chest; all the best and scariest moments of his short, unimportant little life filling him up like a bathtub. All this love is flooding through him, all this pain, and sorrow, and relief, and gratitude, all at once. 

Every second of his life is stretching on throughout infinity in his brain just as every millisecond passes in the present, and it’s all happening so fast, and oh wizard god, is this how he felt, and there’s just-

There’s just everything . No beginning or ending to it. Just… everything of his life, all at once.

He’s reaching for it- reaching the same way he’s been reaching his whole life- this feeling of eternity spread out inches from his fingertips. He has always been reaching, straining towards something. Death, it seems, will be no different.

He feels- he remembers- everything. 

J. Finch Fletchley is about to die. His life is about to come to a complete end. 

And he is remembering it all. 

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley has just been sorted.

It didn’t go all that well, but he’s trying to remain optimistic.

When he got his letter, his mum and dad were ecstatic. His mum’s side of the family comes from a long line of Smarts, his dad’s Braves. He’s grown up knowing this day would come ever since his parents helped him pet the family owl with his little chubby toddler hands, from the moment his dad sat him in his lap and showed him just how a snitch worked on his 7th birthday. He’s a wizard. It’s his birthright.

So when he skips up to the big talking hat, he’s ready to be told that he’s joining the Smarts or the Braves, and there’s this big smile on his face as it covers his little head-

PUFF!

And people boo. And that’s not supposed to happen.

But J. Finch isn’t one to argue with the magic hat, not like Harry Potter, who does just that, and he went and stood with the other new Puffs, all big eyed.

And now they’re in the common room, all dressed in bright Puff yellow, and the color looks nice on him, and maybe this won’t be so bad! Everyone (except for that one girl over there in the corner with the scary eye makeup that J. Finch secretly feels like he could do better) seems just as nervous as he is, and so J. Finch does what J. Finch does best- he breaks the ice. His mum always tells him that there’s real backing behind faking it till you make it, so his smile is only half forced when he tells everyone they should introduce themselves. 

He’s J. Finch, boyish and fun. 

And how could that be bad?

And everyone says hi to him (again, except for that one emo chick) and that’s a relief, and they all go around introducing themselves. There’s Ernie Mac, who is basically the best, and a Mugborn named Oliver who just wants to learn, and there’s Leanne, who has nice dark brown hair and nicer socks and who has apparently never even left her cabin before. And then the scary girl says her name, and J. Finch shrieks, because of course he does, it’s Xavia Jones’s daughter, and he’s overheard his mum and dad talk about her enough times to know what that means.

But she’s a Puff. 

Like he is.

And then there’s this voice from across the common room, one filled with genuine pride and joy and excitement, and J. Finch Fletchley turns towards it, and several things start to happen at once.

His name is Cedric- just a year older than them, but already the Prince of the Puffs, known for his humor and his kindness and cheeky wit and gentle guidance, and he’s right there in front of J. Finch, and he’s starstruck. 

He welcomes them, and suddenly, suddenly J. Finch is 100% sure that being a Puff isn't so bad, because how could it be when someone like Cedric is in the house with him? His eyes twinkle in the lamplight at the sight of all of them, a little ragtag bunch, and then he tells them that the staircases move- and that’s a little scary, but even then he soothes them immediately.

There’s something about Cedric that Justin likes immediately. Maybe it’s his sweater vest. Either way, it’s hard to believe that this kid- this bright, intelligent looking, kind fellow student is just a year older than him. 

J. Finch hangs onto every word he says. 

And he warns them that they’re probably gonna get bullied, and maybe spelled to poop their pants- which is a shock- but there’s something so calm about the way he says it that puts him right at ease. Like it’s an inevitability, but not one that’s so scary.

Not one that Cedric himself hasn’t faced. 

And then he tells them about the house cup, and how they have to at least get third, and maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but J. Finch immediately devotes himself to making sure that happens, if only to make this shining, golden boy in front of him proud.

Then, before he knows it, Cedric says he’s off to bed, and really, it has been such a long day, and if Cedric is going to bed, then so is J. Finch.

Justin tucks himself under a fluffy yellow duvet, surrounded by these strangers (but who is a stranger, really, but a friend you just haven’t made yet?) and dreams of cups and badgers and points and a smile so bright it makes the sun seem dull. 

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is not very much enjoying his classes, thank you very much.

He started out the same way he started out with everything- with unrelenting optimism, but when right off the bat he confuses lotion with potion with perhaps the scariest teacher in all of Hogwarts, it’s hard to remain cheerful.

He’s trying anyway, however. He’s faking it until he makes it.

Transfiguration doesn’t go much better, with Oliver, who’s really a sweet guy, losing even more house points, and Defense Against The Dark Arts goes even worse when Megan taunts their professor and the whole room goes red and weird.

I mean, it is a magic school, but still. Things are scary and confusing, and if there's one thing J. Finch doesn’t like, it’s things that are scary and confusing.

That night in the common room, Justin sits curled up in a quilt he brought from home, still smelling like his cat and his room and his mum’s breakfast tea he spilt a little on it, and he tries not to cry as he stares at the flickering light in the fire.

“Are you alright there, J. Finch?” 

The voice from the corner belongs to Cedric, and he frantically wipes the blooming tears from his lash line.

“Yeah.” His voice cracks.

Bloody hell. 

Cedric smiles a little to himself- not unkindly, never unkindly, and shakes his head just a little. “Follow me.” 

Unsure of himself, J. Finch wraps his patchwork quilt around himself and walks up to Cedric, staring up into his kind eyes. With a cheeky, knowing smile, Cedric leads him out from the common room and through the portrait hole, even though it’s after hours.

“But- Cedric- we could lose points-”

The older boy's voice is soft. “I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to us, okay? If we get caught, I’m just taking you up to Madam Pomfrey because you’re homesick and need some Pepper-Up potion. I wouldn’t let you get in trouble.” 

And Justin trusts him.  

He leads him barely two feet to a portrait of pears, lightly tickling them, and to J. Finch’s infinite surprise the painting swings open.

“Cmon now, up you go, careful of the step-” Cedric guides him through the little passageway, and the smile on Justin’s face is a real one when he realizes where they are.

It’s a kitchen. A beautiful, huge kitchen, bathed in candlelight. There’s the smell of the next morning’s porridge, and coffee already being brewed (not that J. Finch likes coffee- it’s too bitter for him), and apple pastries being baked in the oven.

There’s a magic crack! and J.Finch nearly jumps out of his skin when one of the house elf workers appears a foot from him. Cedric smiles down at the elf, eyes crinkling in affection. “Hello, Bippy. You’re on leave from the manor again, I see.”

“Hello, Mr. Cedric Sir! I am, I’m allowed to be here when Mrs. Megan is in school! Oh, Bippy is overjoyed to see you again! And who is this with Mr. Cedric Sir hm?”

Encouraged by Cedric, Justin smiles down at the elf. “My name’s J. Finch.”

“Oh!! One of the new Puffs, yes! The house elves love the Puffs, so kind! What can we be doing for Mr’s. Cedric and J. Finch sirs?” 

Cedric puts a warm hand on J. Finch’s shoulder, sending a happy, comforting thrill down his spine. “Now, Justin- do you like cocoa?”

And Justin does. 

Moments later, Cedric and J. Finch are back on the squishy yellow couch in the common room, drinking the most fantastic cocoa in the world together, right under J. Finch’s quilt together.

“Now that you know where the kitchens are, you can go back whenever you need a little pick me up, okay? It’s always cheered me up.”

And for some reason, that’s a little shocking to J. Finch. “You need cheering up?”

Cedric looks at him kindly. “Everyone does sometimes. It’s okay to be sad. It’s normal. It’s okay to need help sometimes. Things get better.” And then Cedric sips his cocoa, and stares out at the fire, and J. Finch stares at him.

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but Justin thinks he loves Cedric for it already.

Halloween is a big, scary mess, and when they go through the school with drawn wands, J. Finch tucks himself into the safety of Cedrics back, guarded by his presence. 

And what do you know? Things do start to look up. As the months pass, the spells get easier. They start earning points and points and points, once even leading Cedric to slap him on the back in pure joy, filling Justin up with pride and joy and love- love for the Puffs, for this school, for himself, and for Cedric.

And life is good.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is about to finish his first year at the school for Male Magic and Female Magic, and he is beyond excited.

The Puffs all crowd together seated at their table, nearly drunk on the feeling of excitement (and utter despair from the Brave table, but they always have their own thing going on) in the air. He’s seated next to Susan Bones, who for once doesn’t seem so scared of getting murdered, and Cedric, who is beaming in absolute pride. The sight of it is making J. Finch near hysterical with joy, and when the headmaster begins speaking, they all beam at each other. 

The Braves are in last place, and when Dumbledoor announces the third place victory, Cedric rallies all of the Puffs in a victory cheer. The energy and joy in the air is electric, and it must be what magic is all about, because when Cedric squeezes him into a side hug, it makes him feel like he’s levitating above the table and up through the sky charms on the ceiling. 

And then the headmaster says something about last minute points. And a chess game. And other- and J. Finch doesn’t like to consider any achievement stupid- but stupid stupid achievements including standing up to friends, and then Harry Potter is all dancing, and the look on Cedrics face hurts more than any of Justin’s own personal feelings about this.

They’re in last place. 

The previous energy is gone now, stolen by the Braves who whoop and cheer, and J. Finch wants to comfort Cedric so badly the way Cedric did for him, but just can’t find the words. 

Leanne tries, but in the end they’re in last place anyway. Nothing's gonna change that.

But all of a sudden, Cedric pats J. Finch’s back, a small- but genuine- smile on his face. “It’ll be alright, Justin. We’ll get them next year.”

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but J. Finch believes him. 

They’ll get them next year.

For Cedric.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is 12 now, and beginning his second year at Hogwarts. 

He’s arguably less scared than this time last year, with no sorting to worry about this time around. He can simply sit back and watch, clapping excitedly for any new Puff while the rest of the school boos. He’s mostly just excited to see his friends again, really. It had been a long summer, and apart from the weekend he went to the ocean with Ernie Mac’s family, he has not seen a single one of them.

Not even Cedric. 

Cedric was actually a large topic of conversation in his home during the summer holidays. When he had brought up a joke Cedric made for about the 30th time in the first week, his mum had ruffled his hair. “It almost seems like you’ve got a crush.”

And no, of course he doesn’t. That’s absurd. 

But now Cedric is here, and J. Finch beams at him, throwing his arms around the older boy (now in his third year) and asking him how his holiday was, to which he responds “Great! I actually have something for you-” and presses a box of flavored beans into his palm with a smile and nothing more.

Justin is ecstatic, but tries hard not to blush at the fact that he remembered what he had said to him, in passing, about wanting to try every flavored bean at least once before he dies. He fails, and blushes anyway, but Cedric isn’t there to notice, swept off in the crowd that normally accompanies the Puff Prince. 

It’s a touching gesture, really- that’s all. Anything a friend would do for a friend- and oh, to be Cedric’s friend. 

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but it’s really the most special he’s really ever felt. Ever. 

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is, for not the first time in this school (and certainly not the last), terrified. It’s a disappointing thing, to say the least. He had really hoped things would keep looking up. He really, really had. 

He’s in his dorm room, knees to chest, shaking with near tangible fear. He’s not a Brave, after all. He’s never been the type to shake fear off- not now, and really, he thinks, not ever. 

It was dueling club. It was supposed to be fun. He had even begged to go up there and get a chance to show off- he doesn’t actually know what he’d be showing off. It’s not like he’s a Smart, either. 

He just.

He hadn’t expected a snake to be launched at his face, fangs gleaming in the candlelight, and after all, he is just a boy. These things are scary. 

He’s scared . 

And he’s alone. Wayne and Oliver are off doing whatever they do together, and J. Finch is here, alone on his bed with his mum’s quilt and shivering. 

There’s a knock at the door before a face peeks in, and Justin immediately smears the tears off his face and tries to stop shaking when he notices that it’s Cedric.

“Hey, Justin.” His voice is gentle, soft, like he’s talking to a wounded animal. “I heard about earlier.” 

So Cedric knows then. Knows that he’s just a coward, even by Puffs standards. Knows that he screamed at the top of his lungs, knows that Harry tried to kill him (maybe?) without a real reason.

Cedric knows he’s weak . And that’s something Justin has never liked about himself. And the other thing that scares him is how much he cares that Cedric doesn’t see him that way. How much more he cares about Cedric’s opinion of him than the others. And the implications of that are just as scary as any snake. 

“Do you need anything?”

J. Finch doesn’t know what to say. 

Because he wants comfort. He wants to be held, he wants to be hushed, he wants to be told it’ll be okay. He wants these things from Cedric- but that’s too gut wrenchingly terrifying to even admit to himself. But most of all, what he wants more than anything else, is to be different. And no one, not even Cedric, can give that to him.

He looks at Cedric, brown eyes large and watering, and maybe the expression on his face is saying the things he can’t, because the older boy crosses the room and sits on the edge of his bed. He doesn’t speak, and neither does Justin, who just shakes.

Cedric wraps his arms around Justin, and tucks his head over his, holding him in his chest, and Cedric smells like fall wind and leaves and fireplaces and hot cocoa, and maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but J. Finch Fletchley just lets himself be held, lets himself indulge in the warmth that is Cedric, and hopes that things will get better.

He also hopes that they’ll start making more sense.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is about to die. He’s sure of it.

He’s walking down the hallway when it happens- and it’s an accident, and he can’t help but just. Point at what he sees. And then it’s like his brain is just plunged in ice water that spreads through him, freezing and crackling, and his breathing is slowed and it’s scary and he’s so scared and this school is supposed to be safe and he wants his mom and he wants C-

And then Justin just

        f

                a

                        l 

                                l

                                        s

                                                .

And from far far away, Cedric is the one to catch him.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley spends the rest of his second year asleep, but not dreaming. He’s not quite here, but not quite gone- in limbo, in an icy cold state of just a hint of consciousness. 

When he finally wakes up, finally returns back to himself, he is alone in the hospital wing, tightly tucked into the sheets.

And maybe because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but he doesn’t hold it against any of them. He doesn’t blame a single Puff, or harbor an ounce of resentment for any of them.

Especially not Cedric.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley spends the summer between his second and third year of school pretending that he hasn’t gone through something terribly traumatic, because, to be fair, it’s easier than coping.

Instead of facing the trauma of being stuck in a terrifying state between life and death for over half a year, he daydreams. He finds comfort in his own imagination in the way only a Puff can; spending hours outside in the tall grasses, his face turned towards the sun, dreaming of impossibilities.

Justin is now a 13 year old boy, who thinks long and hard about things all 13 year old boys think long and hard about. He thinks about being the seeker for his favorite Quidditch team and winning them the world cup. He thinks about saving the school from an evil dark wizard and being given the role of Minister for Magic as a reward. But mostly, he thinks about Cedric. 

He thinks about Cedric looking at him with something impossible in his eyes. He thinks about how his hair falls in his face when he’s doodling on his parchment. He thinks about his smile, and the blue of his eyes, and how soft his hands are, and he pretends that it’s probably normal to think of a person as much as he thinks about Cedric.

The theme of the summer seems to be denial.

But that’s just the way things are.

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but he’s okay with not thinking much harder about it than that. He’s faking it, maybe. But he’ll make it. 

He has to.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley begins his third year nervous- but nervous seems to be the default for him nowadays. The headmaster looks a bit different, but Justin is more focused on other things. He’s a real teenager, with real responsibilities and real wishes and real wants, and oh, how Justin wants.

In fact, it seems that everyone has new things they want. Megan seems to be getting on with the Braves, especially a boy named Neville. (who J. Finch notes looks shockingly like him) Leanne is  throwing a sleepover party, which he politely declines his invitation to. Oliver and Wayne seem to want Sally Perks very much, which for what reason Justin cannot decipher.

Maybe it has to do with the way Cedric looks. He’s growing up- they all are, really- and the summer has been kind to him. His hair is blonder from the sun, skin slightly tanned, a few inches taller. 

When they bump into each other on the first day, Cedric puts his hand on Justin’s arm and tells him that he looks different. 

Justin isn’t sure what that means, but he thinks about it every night for a week, staring at the ceiling, cheeks burning. 

Whatever it is, it makes him nervous.

Nervous, and wanting. He doesn’t like to be scared. He doesn’t like to be nervous. But he isn’t sure about the wanting. 

Oh, how he wants.

He gets to pick his electives this year- exciting! After much debating with Ernie Mac that he does have good taste in classes, he lands on Care of Magical Creatures. Lucky for him, Cedric is in the course as well.

Upon entering on his first day of that class, he notices immediately that Cedric is tucked against a tree, doodling something with his quill. When the older boy locks eyes with him, he smiles, and the hairs on the back of Justin’s neck stand up.

“Justin!” There he is again- always calling him Justin, never J. Finch like everyone else. Even he calls himself J. Finch. But never Cedric.

“H- Hey! Hi!” He kicks himself mentally for stumbling over his words. 

“I’m glad you’re here!” Cedric throws an arm around his shoulders, tugging him close. “It’s a really cool class, you can take it multiple times and always learn something new.”

“I heard.”

Oh Merlin’s saggy left nut, say something intelligent.

“I’m a fan of the crumple-horned snorlax.”

Bloody fucking hell.

Cedric gives him a sort of quizzical look- half crooked smile, half side eye. “Coulda sworn those were a myth. Looney’s up and about it all the time. Didn’t take you for a fan for the Quibbler.”

“No. No I’m not. I uh- Joking! I’m joking!”

Justin beams at Cedric.

The older boy pauses for a moment before breaking out in a laugh, shaking his head. 

“You’re funny, Justin. Now-” He nudges J. Finch playfully, pulling him back to him- to earth- with his hand. 

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s just a child, but Cedric’s smiling in the sunlight, and the birds are chirping, and he really believes that in that moment, everything is perfect.

Chapter Text

J. Finch Fletchley is somehow not as surprised as he should be that there is a murderer on the loose. It probably has something to do with Harry- most things have to do with him. (He’s not over the snake incident, as much as that embarrasses him. And Harry called him Justin- weird.)

They all cling to each other, tucked in each other’s spaces like sardines in a can. J. Finch walks where he has always walked in the formation- nestled up to Cedric, always close. (but never close enough.)

Leanne runs in, excited, as Leanne always is. 

“Guys! GUYS! THE WHOLE SCHOOL CAME TO MY SLUMBER PARTY! Why is everyone so sad and frightened!?”

Susan Bones sighs (she does that a lot, J. Finch has come to find. She’s always worried- as worried as him, though he tends to not express it at all) and brings up the painting- and it really is sad, because she’s a beautiful woman and now she’s all torn up by that Murderer- also probably because of Harry- (who looks a LOT like Susan, now that he thinks about it.) 

Things  are chaotic- that is, until the crowd parts, and Cedric tells them all that they’re going to be spending the night there. J. Finch is disappointed- he loves many things- his old cat back home, watermelon flavored beans- but he especially loves his bed. 

Cedric looks disappointed too, which is a shock to Justin. He’s never disappointed for long- he’s the puffiest Puff out of all of them, so his attitude being dampened makes J. Finch nervous. 

But Cedric once told him everyone gets scared. Cedric does. And clearly, so does J. Finch. It’s normal. It’s- it’s not cowardly.

At least, that’s what he tries to convince himself.

Cedric takes a deep breath, so Justin does too. 

“But hey! How about a story to help you get to sleep?”

Hannah slightly perks up, eyeing Cedric warily. “Maybe a story about the Puffs?”

Something in Cedric’s eyes glisten with a bit of joy- and suddenly, as it seems it always is when Cedric is involved, things make sense again.

J. Finch leans in, reaching towards Cedric’s words- towards Cedric. “A cool one?”

Around Justin, the rest of the Puffs turn their attention towards the older boy in the way they always do. Cedric tells a story about the first Puff, a woman named Helga that he can’t help but imagine as a badger-like sock puppet with Leanne’s voice. There’s the first Snake and Brave and Smart, and they talk about games and magic and the school and blonde rich assholes. Cedric talks and talks, and the world falls away until it’s just Justin and him alone in the great hall at night. There’s no murderer on the loose or nervousness or faking it until he makes it, because he doesn’t need to do that with Cedric. It’s just the two of them. 

That is, until the headmaster tells them to sleep rather harshly. 

J. Finch wants to know how it ends, yes. But he mostly just wants to hear him finish it. 

Cedric leaves then to sleep with the other 4th years. It makes Justin’s heart ache. He doesn’t know why.

He curls up on himself, arms up near his face, and drifts off to an uneasy sleep. 

Moments later he’s awake again, and Megan is apologizing for being mean, and it’s so sweet that he runs into the group hug that’s going on and throws his arms around whoever he can reach.

And maybe it’s because he’s a Puff, or because he’s naturally naive and trusting, or because he’s a child, but when he closes his eyes surrounded by the warmth of his friends, he can almost imagine Cedric is still with them. 

With him.