Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: yo do these freckles look weird to you like what the hell is this my freckles are masterpieces but this is ridiculous just aint looking right

[TG] sent file forrealwhatisthis.jpg

TG: those are weird right
TG: if anyone would know it would be you karkat you know these things better than i do
TG: by these things i mean my tits of course
CG: YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME THAT THESE WEIRD FRECKLES WERE ON YOUR RUMBLE SPHERES. JUST A LITTLE HEADS UP, PERHAPS A, "HEY KARKAT CAN I SEND YOU A PICTURE OF MY HUMAN TITS THAT DEFINITELY JUST HAVE CRUMBS ON THEM AND NOT WEIRD FRECKLES? I NEED TO KNOW IF THE CRUMB FRECKLES LOOK WEIRD TO YOU AND HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU MIGHT BE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE THAT COULD POTENTIALLY SEE THIS STUPID PICTURE UNWITTINGLY."
TG: i would not say unwittingly lol
CG: THAT IS SO BEYOND THE POINT THAT IT ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS THE POINT.
TG: do you really think theyre crumbs though i think i would know if they were crumbs what do you take me for
TG: i come to you for reassurance and you just dismiss me whats up with that what if theyre like cancerous moles or something karkat what are you going to do then are you still gonna be worried about looking at tit pics in public
TG: which btw i know you are not in public youre locked in your office writing porn or something
TG: you wont let me read it so im just going to assume its porn until you show me what it actually is
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A MOLE?
CG: ACTUALLY, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
CG: RUB THE "WEIRD FRECKLES" AND SEE IF THEY COME OFF.
CG: I'M BEGINNING TO DOUBT THAT YOU WERE EVEN WORRIED ABOUT THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF THIS IS JUST A RUSE TO GET ME AWAY FROM MY WORK, WHICH IS VERY MUCH NOT PORN BY THE WAY, YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME AT ALL.
TG: i would never use my tits to try and fool you karkat who do you think i am
CG: YOU ABSOLUTELY WOULD.
CG: DID THE FRECKLES COME OFF?
TG: maybe
CG: WERE THEY CRUMBS?
TG: who can really say the nature of this mysterious material that found its way onto my body
TG: maybe they were detachable freckles
CG: THAT IS VERY MUCH NOT A THING.
TG: you dont even know what a mole is how would you know
CG: I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT A MOLE IS TO KNOW THAT FRECKLES AREN'T DETACHABLE!
TG: you know what karkat maybe we are talking about the wrong thing here were focusing too much on the maybe freckles maybe toast crumbs
TG: maybe we should rewind a little bit
TG: metaphorically im not rewinding time over this shit that would be too much even for me
TG: did you seriously call my titpics stupid what the hell is that about
TG: i dont call your titpics stupid
CG: I'VE NEVER SENT YOU "TITPICS".
TG: maybe we should change that
TG: awful rude that youre keeping them all to yourself
CG: YOU'VE LITERALLY SEEN THEM BEFORE. MULTIPLE TIMES. I DON'T KEEP THEM TO MYSELF.
CG: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT. I'M FEELING GENEROUS TODAY.

[CG] sent file NOWLEAVEMEALONEANDLETMEWORK.jpg

TG: im gonna be honest with you here i was expecting that to be a picture of you flipping me off or something but wow
TG: did you just take that in your office the lighting in there is way better than our bedroom what the fuck
TG: let me in i clearly need to start taking pictures in there instead
CG: NO.
CG: LET ME FUCKING FINISH WHAT I'M WORKING ON AND MAYBE I'LL LET YOU IN HERE LATER.
TG: fiiine
TG: just gonna sit here all lonely with this single glorious picture of your tits gonna frame it maybe leave some lipstick marks on it who knows what the two of us will get up to
CG: HAVE FUN WITH THAT.
TG: oh i will lol
TG: can i come use your printer i cant frame my phone that would be kind of ridiculous i only have the one

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

TG: fine but next time you need to get ahold of me and you cant because my phone is squished in between some glass and shitty fake wood dont come crying to me

Chapter Text

You never really went to the beach, back before the Game. It wasn't like Bro was driving you out to the bay to splash around and build sand castles just for fun. You're not even sure if you really owned a swimsuit, now that you think about it?

The beaches on Earth C are great, though. One of the many things you've discovered about yourself over the years is that you really enjoy being outside when you're not sweating your ass off on the roof of a high-rise.

You watch as the waves crash against the shore. A family is splashing around, laughing every time one of the shallower waves knocks against them. Karkat doesn't normally like going in the water, prefers to sit in the sand for some reason, but you wonder if you can get her to join you out there for a bit.

Maybe if you-

"Dove! Are you listening to me at all or am I just talking to myself like an asshole?"

You definitely were not listening. "I definitely was. I always listen to you."

"Then what did I just say?"

"You asked if I was listening, duh."

"Before that."

"Pretty sure you were waxing poetic about how absolutely smokin' I look in this bikini."

Karkat groans and rolls her eyes. "That's not even close to what I was saying and you'd know that if you were listening."

"Mm. Maybe I just got distracted by how smokin' you look."

"I'm pretty sure that's not it."

"Naw, I spend at least a good 75% of my day distracted by how hot you are. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me because damn. Cannot look away. Someone could break into the hive and steal all our shit and I'd have no idea. It's really starting to affect my ability to get shit done but I think I'm too far gone at this point to even care. Like, seriously, sometimes just thinking about your ass-"

"Okay, that's enough of that!"

"You getting a sunburn? Your face is starting to look real red, babe. Maybe you should put on some sunscreen."

Karkat looks like she is going to strangle you. It's honestly one of your Top 5 Favorite Karkat Expressions. "You put on sunscreen! That's literally what I was just telling you! Your shoulders are starting to look like a shellscuttler and I am not dealing with your bitching when your ridiculously delicate human skin starts peeling off later."

You take a glance at your shoulders and oops. They sure are starting to get pink. "Grab that shit and slather some on me then." You pause. "The sunscreen. Slather some sunscreen on me."

"Do it yourself." Despite her words, Karkat gets up from her beach towel and grabs some sunscreen out of your bag. "Hold still and don't whine about how cold it is this time."

"Yes ma'am." Karkat squeezes the sunscreen directly onto your right shoulder, without shaking the bottle first, and you cringe as a puddle of half melted sunscreen drips down over your chest. "Dude. What the fuck."

"I said no whining."

"I'm not whining about it being cold. I'm whining about you attacking my poor body with melted goop."

"There is nothing poor about your body."

"Oh really?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Karkat wipes some of the sunscreen off your bikini top and starts rubbing it over your chest, which is poor form if she actually wants you to shut up. "Thought my shoulders were sunburning? I know you know where my shoulders are and these babies are definitely not shoulders."

"With how much you talk about your own rumble spheres, I thought you'd want to make sure they don't get burnt either."

"Naw. You just wanna touch my tits. It's okay, you don't need an excuse. The girls are always ready for some Karkat fondling."

"I don't have to do this, you know."

"Well yeah, you ain't gotta touch my tits, but you started doing that all on your ow- Hey!" you yelp when Karkat reaches into your top and fucking pinches your nipple.

She moves on to rubbing sunscreen onto your shoulders as if she did not just do that. "Stop squirming."

"It's your fault if I'm squirming. That hurt."

"No it didn't."

It really didn't. "It did. Think you almost pinched it clean off."

"That is absolutely not a thing I did." She pauses. "Can that even happen?"

"Can someone actually get their nipple pinched off? Never really thought about that. Maybe? You'd have to have some insane claws, though. Which you do, by the way."

"I do not! I just trimmed them and they're definitely not insane even when I don't."

"This scratch on my thigh says otherwise."

"You don't have a scratch on your thigh."

"You sure about that?"

"When did I even scratch you? Let me see."

Karkat moves so she's at your side instead of behind you. You watch as she glances at your thighs, her brow furrowed in concern.

She gives you an annoyed look after a moment, when she clearly hasn't found any scratch. "I don't see anything."

"No?" You spread your legs a bit, then pat at the inside of one of your thighs. "Might need to look closer. Really get in there. Here, maybe if you-"

Karkat clamps a hand over your mouth. "Shut up before someone hears you. Holy shit."

"Hears me talking about a scratch?" is what you mean to say. You mostly just drool on Karkat's hand.

"You're disgusting."

"And you taste like sunscreen," you respond once Karkat pulls her hand away. "Blegh. Did you even manage to get any of that on the spots you were oh so worried about?"

"Yes. I will have you know that your shoulders are now protected from the obnoxiously weak sun now."

"Wow, my hero. What's going to protect you from the obnoxiously weak sun, though?"

"I don't nee- Don't you dare!"

The second the sunscreen you just launched out of the bottle lands on Karkat's face, you're up and running.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"You have to catch me first!"

You run directly toward the water, hoping that Karkat won't even notice until you've already dragged her into the ocean with you.

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: hey karkat whatre you doing
TG: whered you go are you off gallivanting somewhere fun without me
TG: running around in some field somewhere all wild and free
TG: that would be weird why would you be running you hate running which is entirely valid because i also hate running
TG: unless youre chasing me then its fun but you cant be chasing me im not even with you right now lol
TG: if you showed up right now and started chasing me out of nowhere that would be terrifying please dont do that
TG: or do because then youd be here which you are not maybe idk i think id hear you if you were home
TG: karkat
TG: babe cmon what the fuck i know youre online
TG: cannot believe you are just sitting there ignoring me
TG: or standing there ignoring me i am ignorant as to the position of your hot bod at this very moment
TG: where even are you maybe youre not actually on your phone did you go somewhere and forget your phone at the house again
TG: im looking all around but i dont see it not in the bedroom or bathroom or living room or the fridge or in any of the cupboards
TG: are you dead or something
TG: you better not be dead its your turn to do the dishes this week and im gonna be pissed if i have to do them on account of i totally just made a huge mess in the kitchen
TG: like ill clean the floor and the counters thats on me but the dishes are all you sweet cheeks
CG: JEGUS, DOVE. DO NOT FUCKING CALL ME SWEET CHEEKS. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I HIGHLY DOUBT MY CHEEKS TASTE ANY SWEETER THAN THE REST OF ME.
TG: maybe not the ones on your face no
TG: those ass cheeks though those are sweet as hell
CG: PRETTY SURE YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYONE ELSE'S OPINION OF HOW MY ASS TASTES TO COMPARE THIS TO.
TG: yeah im the expert on all things related to your ass
TG: its my third favorite thing about you
CG: LET ME GUESS. THE FIRST TWO ARE MY RUMBLE SPHERES?
TG: what no the first two are your teeth and then yeah i was counting them together dont want to cause any fights over which boob is first and which is second on my list of favs
TG: guess what are tied for fourth favorite thing about you
CG: MY ENDLESS PATIENCE AND MY ABILITY TO READ ALL YOUR NONSENSE WITHOUT GOUGING MY OWN EYES OUT?
TG: lmao sure if thats what you named your horns then yeah love those things
CG: GOOD TO KNOW MOST OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT ME ARE JUST VARIOUS BODY PARTS.
TG: what no
TG: that is just the first four
TG: my favorite things about karkat slideshow has 769 slides so far
TG: not including the title page and introduction
CG: IF THIS IS A REAL SLIDESHOW AND NOT JUST YOU MAKING SHIT UP AGAIN, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
CG: THE FIRST BEING: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
TG: pretty sure the what is wrong with dove strider slideshow is almost as long as the fav things about karkat one lol
TG: i think slide 612 is likes me even though there is clearly something very wrong with me actually
TG: hah yeah it is called it i got this thing down pat
CG: STOP LOOKING AT YOUR STUPID SLIDESHOW.
CG: OR MAKING UP SHIT ABOUT IT IF IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST.
CG: WHEN WOULD YOU EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO WORK ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT? AND HOW THE FUCK ARE THERE OVER 700 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT ME? THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT AT ALL.
TG: oh theres definitely way more i just havent made the slides for those yet
TG: the whole thing is all made with my original art and ive got some sick music embedded in there too
TG: it is my magnum opus the greatest thing i have ever made
TG: how long is your favorite things about me slideshow is it like two slides lol
CG: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER MADE A SLIDESHOW IN MY LIFE AND I DON'T INTEND TO START NOW, BUT IT WOULD HAVE WAY MORE THAN TWO SLIDES.
TG: is that because theres a slide for each one of my freckles
CG: YEAH SURE ABSOLUTELY. THERE IS A SLIDE FOR EACH OF YOUR FRECKLES IN THIS FAKE SLIDESHOW.
TG: i knew it youre obsessed with those things
CG: YOUR SMILE WOULD ALSO OBVIOUSLY BE ON THIS SLIDESHOW THAT DOES NOT EXIST. (:B
TG: what kat no put that smiley face away
CG: THE NEXT FOUR SLIDES WOULD BE YOUR DIMPLES.
TG: wait why are there four
CG: NOT JUST THE ONES ON YOUR FACE. I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
CG: AND THE WAY YOU BLUSH WHEN I SAY SOMETHING EVEN VAGUELY NICE ABOUT YOU.
TG: nooooo
CG: YOU ALSO DO THIS WEIRD SCRUNCHY THING WITH YOUR NOSE WHEN I TRY TO WAKE YOU UP IN THE MORNING. PRETTY CUTE HONESTLY.
TG: stop that no youre the cute one
CG: NOPE.
TG: yes you are i have a whole slideshow to prove it
CG: WELL MAYBE I HAVE A WHOLE LIST OF THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU READY TO GO. WANT ME TO START LISTING THEM?
TG: absolutely not dont do that
CG: SOMETIMES YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH AND YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD PROBABLY MAKE A WHOLE SLIDESHOW JUST ABOUT THAT.
CG: IF I MADE SLIDESHOWS, WHICH I DO NOT.

turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!

CG: COME BACK HERE YOU BIG BABY. I'LL STOP.
TG: okay good because i think theres someone outside our house what the fuck
CG: THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE.
TG: youre supposed to say no dove theres nobody outside the hive youre just a paranoid loser youre fine
CG: YOU *ARE* FINE BECAUSE IT'S ME.
TG: oh haha
TG: how long have you been standing out there lmao come inside
CG: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO HELP ME DO ALL THE DISHES YOU APPARENTLY STACKED UP IN THE KITCHEN.
TG: ugh fine yeah deal get in here darlin

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Chapter Text

KARKAT: I THINK YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE AT THIS POINT.

DOVE: shut up
DOVE: i can fix this its fine

KARKAT: I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY THAT I DOUBT YOUR ABILITY TO FIX THIS CLUSTERFUCK YOU'VE CREATED ON YOUR FACE BUT.
KARKAT: NO, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING. JUST CLEAN IT OFF AND START OVER. OR, YOU KNOW, KNOCK IT OFF AND GET DRESSED SO WE CAN LEAVE THE FUCKING HIVE FOR ONCE.

DOVE: is that what were calling it now? the fucking hive?

KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

DOVE: i mean might as well name it that
DOVE: pretty sure thats all we do

KARKAT: I HAVE SPENT FAR MORE TIME TODAY WATCHING YOU POKE YOURSELF IN THE FACE WITH THAT EYELINER THAN DOING ANYTHING RESEMBLING... YOU KNOW.
KARKAT: THAT.

DOVE: today is an outlier and should not be counted

KARKAT: YOU DID THIS YESTERDAY TOO. AND THE DAY BEFORE THAT.

DOVE: i told you dude i gotta get the trademark lalonde eyeliner down
DOVE: even dirk knows how to do it i got no excuse at all

KARKAT: AND YOU HAVE TO "GET IT DOWN" RIGHT NOW? WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING UP WITH YOUR FAMILY TO DO WHATEVER ASININE ACTIVITY ROXY PLANNED FOR US ALL?

DOVE: pretty sure were just gonna eat a bunch of crap and talk shit about everyone else like we always do
DOVE: if were a little late its fine rox will definitely fill you in on any juicy gossip you missed

KARKAT: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE- GIVE ME THAT. NO, YOU'VE LOST PRIVILEGES. GO IN THE BATHROOM AND WASH YOUR FACE.

DOVE: but-

KARKAT: I'LL DO THE DAMNED EYELINER FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T DO IT WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY GOT MOST OF THE TUBE LEAKING OUT OF YOUR EYES.

DOVE: maybe i was going for the whole black tears goth look did you ever think maybe thats what i wanted all along

KARKAT: IT’S NOT.

DOVE: ugh
DOVE: fine

KARKAT: ...WHAT TOOK YOU SO LON- HOLY SHIT. I TOLD YOU TO WASH YOUR FACE, NOT SCRUB IT OFF.

DOVE: i couldnt get the eyeliner off and then it was just smearing all over my face and it got in my mouth somehow
DOVE: do not recommend eyelinery water is absolutely disgusting
DAVe: also i might have knocked the towel rack off the wall by accident

KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU MANAGED TO DO THAT.

DOVE: yeah its honestly better if you dont

KARKAT: I'M NOT PUTTING MORE GUNK ON YOUR FACE WHILE IT'S LIKE THAT. WHAT WERE YOU EVEN USING TO WASH IT OFF?

DOVE: i was using a rag but then it wasnt working so i used a sponge

KARKAT: ...A SPONGE.

DOVE: yeah
DOVE: a clean one i didnt drag out the one you use to clean the toilet or anything

KARKAT: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO MAKE YOUR FACE LOOK LIKE IT GOT DRAGGED OVER THE SIDEWALK WITH A SPONGE?
KARKAT: WAIT.
KARKAT: YOU USED THE WRONG SIDE OF THE SPONGE, DIDN'T YOU?

DOVE: maybe... hahaha you look like youre gonna explode
DOVE: please dont do that im too young to be a widow

KARKAT: WELL THEN LET'S HOPE WE BOTH DIE IN THE EXPLOSION SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. IT WOULD DEFINITELY BE A JUST DEATH.

DOVE: i cant even argue with you on that one

KARKAT: JUST. COME HERE AND LET ME SEE IF I CAN FIX YOUR FACE... THIS IS WATERPROOF, DUMBFUCK. NO WONDER YOU COULDN'T GET IT OFF.

DOVE: ...well? is my face sufficiently fixed to your liking?

KARKAT: IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT COULD BE.

TG: such high praise
TG: man everyone is going to make fun of me for scrubbing my damn face off dont tell them i did that
TG: we gotta make up a way cooler sounding story before we go anywhere

KARKAT: WE'LL JUST TELL EVERYONE IT'S CARPET BURN OR SOMETHING.

DOVE: the stories you make up for all our various shenanigans related injuries make it sound like theyre all sex related injuries you do know that right

KARKAT: MAYBE I WAS DRAGGING YOU UP THE STAIRS AS PUNISHMENT FOR SOME OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU DID.

DOVE: nobody is gonna believe that
DOVE: you couldnt drag me anywhere even if you tried

KARKAT: YOU WANNA BET?

DOVE: yes *please*

KARKAT: YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
KARKAT: IS THAT EYELINER SUFFICIENT? CAN WE PLEASE GO NOW?

DOVE: lemme look
DOVE: oh shit this is bitchin im gonna be the best looking one there
DOVE: finally out foxin the rest of the girls
DOVE: i think the fake carpet burn adds to it honestly kinda sexy

KARKAT: GOOD. NOW PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND LET'S GO.

DOVE: what if i dont are you gonna drag me down the stairs forreal

KARKAT: NO. I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOUR ASS HERE AND GO GOSSIP ABOUT *YOU* WITH ROXY.

DOVE: you only say nice things when you gossip about me roxy said so
DOVE: little gay honestly almost like youre in love with me or something

KARKAT: ROXY'S A LIAR.

DOVE: she would never lie to me im her second favorite

KARKAT: WHO'S HER FAVORITE?

DOVE: you obviously like wow am i glad i snatched you up before my hot mom could because she totally would

KARKAT: SHE WOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT. THAT SHIRT IS ON BACKWARDS, BY THE WAY.
KARKAT: ALSO IT'S *MY* SHIRT. DON'T WEAR THAT. IT DOESN'T EVEN FIT YOU.

DOVE: itll make the carpet burn story more believable

KARKAT: THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL BUT I'M SICK OF WAITING FOR YOU TO GET READY SO YOU KNOW WHAT? SURE. FINE. LET'S GO.

DOVE: yes maam

KARKAT: STOP CALLING ME THAT.

DOVE: okay honey

KARKAT: THAT’S EVEN WORSE!

DOVE: got it snookums

KARKAT: I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU.

DOVE: you say the sweetest things puddi- ow okay okay im done no more pinching were going

KARKAT: FUCKING FINALLY.

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] opened memo on board rose hlp

TG: kwrkst is being mesn ti me
TG: karkat
TG: who id kwrkst lol i di not know her
TG: i kno karkat thougj dhe is lkie my wufe or something only wre nto msrriedf lol
TT: I see you made it out of your wisdom tooth extraction alive.
TT: How exactly is Karkat being mean to you? If that is indeed what you said.
TG: krkat isnt mran rpse wtf why wupld you say tgat
TT: My mistake. Clearly you calling her "mesn" meant something else.
TG: seh took tje gropss gauz out my miuth she lvoes me
TG: lmfao did karkat srsly let you have your phone she said she wasnt gonna let you keep it
TG: wen did yiu get hwre
TG: mom rose clled my gf mran B(
TG: gasp rose why would you do such a thing karkat is an angel and you know it
TG: cannot have you out here slandering her good name like that
TT: I'm so very sorry, Dove. I don't know what could have possibly come over me to say such a thing.
TG: a vry goid nsme
TG: karkat
TG: beatitful
TG: lmfao beatitful exactly yes
TT: Where is Karkat anyway?
TG: dnno :(
CG: I WENT TO THE MEAL BLOCK FOR LITERALLY FIVE MINUTES.
CG: IS THIS NORMAL? IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE ACTING THIS WAY?
TG: does she do anything normal lol
TT: You will have to be more specific, Karkat. This seems pretty par for the course as far as behavior goes.
CG: FUCK BOTH OF YOU.
CG: YOU CAN SEE HOW SHE'S TYPING!
TG: few tupos never hurt nobody
TG: typos* lmao that was legit not on purpose
CG: YOU BOTH KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN, BUT I GUESS I'LL SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU ANYWAY! IS THIS TYPICALLY HOW HUMANS ACT AFTER HAVING YOUR NON-FUNCTIONAL "WISDOM" TEETH REMOVED?
CG: IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET THOSE DISGUSTING BITS OF COTTON OUT BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TRIED, SHE WANTED TO STICK HER HANDS ALL OVER MY TEETH INSTEAD.
TG: i lve yuor moth
CG: I KNOW YOU DO. YOU JUST SAID THAT OUT LOUD.
TG: whao your bsck giuys i fiundd her
TG: damn good job where was she
TT: Yes, do tell. Where was she when you found her?
CG: I JUST TOLD YOU! I WAS IN THE MEAL BLOCK!
TT: Shush, we are asking Dove.
TG: ya we need her input on this its v important
TG: krakats on tje cooch
TT: Fascinating.
TG: i need you all to know that i am literally dying rn dove i love you so much lmfao
TG: i lvoe you toi <4
TG: <4 right back at ya
TG: rose hwo cpme yu dont love me
TG: i love yiu youre myt favpurit sistrr
TT: As far as I know, I'm your only sister, but I appreciate the sentiment.
TT: You're also my favorite sister and I love you too, of course.
TG: i fucking knew it
TG: karkat babe i can talk to my phone and it works way better
CG: I KNOW. I JUST SHOWED YOU HOW TO DO IT.
TG: why do i sound weird
CG: YOUR SQUAWK GAPER IS STILL NUMB, PROBABLY?
TG: is it numb cause you put ice on my face
CG: NO, IT'S NUMB FROM WHATEVER THE HELL HAPPENS WHEN YOUR HUMAN TOOTH DOCTORS REMOVE SHIT OUT OF YOUR NUGBONE.
TG: wait what what did they remove
TT: Nothing they weren't supposed to. Don't worry.
TG: sus
TG: sus af i agree
TG: is my mouth gonna be numb forever i dont want that frown face
TG: frown face
TG: why wont it do the thing
TG: karkat make it do the frown face
TG: B(
TG: aw karkat did you really do a frown face for her
CG: YES! SHE'S ACTING LIKE THIS IS THE MOST UPSETTING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO HER, AND I'M NOT A COMPLETE ASSHOLE SO I MADE THE STUPID FROWN FACE.
TT: I mean, perhaps it is the worst thing to happen to her in the last 15 minutes.
CG: OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT. BEFORE THAT THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TO HER WAS THAT ME GETTING UP TO GET HER JUICE REQUIRED ME TO GET UP AND GET HER JUICE.
TG: you left me that was terrible dont do that again
TT: Truly there are some tragic things going down at the Strider-Vantas household today and I don't know how either of you are able to deal with it.
CG: ME NEITHER TO BE HONEST.
CG: I WAS GIVEN SO MUCH FUCKING PAPERWORK BEFORE I TOOK HER HOME AND SHE IS NOT LETTING ME DO HALF OF THE THINGS IT SAYS TO DO.
CG: AND NOW SHE'S ASLEEP.
CG: IS IT OKAY TO LET HER SLEEP?
TG: ya probs
TT: She'll be fine as long as her head is up.
CG: IT IS.
TG: are you two all cozy on the cooch
CG: YES, WE ARE STILL ON THE *COUCH*.
TG: lmfao
TG: take good care of my sweet bb ok karkat
TT: Yes Karkat, please take good care of her.
TT: I'm certain you will. You're her "wufe" or something, after all.
CG: I'M CLOSING THIS MEMO NOW BEFORE ANY OF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY SOMETHING ELSE STUPID.
TG: that is probs fair lol we say a lot of stupid stuff
CG banned TG from responding to memo.
CG banned TT from responding to memo.
TT: Wow, that sure is a lot of text. Do I even want to scroll back up and read it?
CG: NO. YOU DON'T WANT TO SCROLL BACK UP AND READ ANYTHING. THE MEMO IS OVER AND WE ARE ALL MOVING ON FROM IT NOW.
TT: What I'm hearing is that I definitely need to read the previous conversation. Got it.
TT: I see everyone just ignored the fact that you apparently have a moth.
CG: I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU.
TT: Your life must be suffering 24/7, considering you willingly interact with all of us even when Dove isn't around.
CG: EURGH.
CG banned TT from responding to memo.
CG: BETTER GET YOU TOO SO YOU DON'T START MORE NONSENSE WHEN YOU WAKE UP.
CG banned TG from responding to memo.

CG closed memo.

Chapter Text

You love the mornings where you wake up before Dove. They used to be few and far between, rare moments you savored and tried to store in your mind to think back on. They are much more common now. You don't savor them any less.

You brush some hair out of her face, tuck it behind her ear. She mumbles something and you pause, not wanting to wake her up.

She doesn't stir. A small, sweet smile graces her face instead.

"Wonder what you're dreaming about," you whisper to her. Well. As much as any noise that comes out of your mouth can be called a whisper, anyway.

It used to be far too easy to wake her up. Unless she was absolutely exhausted to the point of passing out, there were many nights where the slightest noise or movement would have her bolting upright.

She still does that sometimes, when she's been having a bad day or her anxiety is more intense than usual. But she always calms down immediately once she realizes you're the only one in the room with her.

You're grateful for the mornings where you can just watch her for a while without waking her. You stroke her cheek, and she sighs contently instead of getting flustered like she does when she's awake.

You love making her flustered, of course. Can't really blame her for it either because she definitely makes you flustered sometimes. But you love it even more when she can just accept your love and affection. She definitely deserves it far more than she knows.

She’ll probably call you a creep later (even though she also stares at you when she wakes up before you) but you don’t care. You trace the freckles on her face, feel the steady rise and fall of her chest, ghost your fingers over the faded love bites sprinkled over her neck and collarbone. 

You can see the moment where she does start to wake up. Her eyes are still closed, but her nose scrunches up when you run your fingers over her jaw.

"Morning," you tell her.

"Hm. No," is her response.

"You make a good argument but I'm pretty sure it is morning regardless of your feelings on the matter."

She reaches an arm out, her hand smacking against your side. "Stop staring at me like a creep and c'mere. It's cold."

"It's really not." You scoot closer to her anyway and she immediately latches onto you, burrowing her face against your neck as you embrace her.

"Much better."

"Yeah?"

You feel Dove's lips against your throat. It's not quite a kiss, just a lazy brush of skin against skin. "Mhmm."

"We have to get up eventually, you know."

"We really don't." She yawns and her breath on your skin makes you shiver in the best sort of way. "We can be lazy pieces of shit for the next week if we want."

"And after that?"

"We'll probably run out of snacks by then so you'll have to go to the store."

You snort. "Of course I have to."

"I'll keep the bed warm while you're gone."

"You'll message me incessantly the second I step outside is what you'll do."

"We've been through this. I will literally die if you aren't giving me attention at all hours of the day but you said we're not allowed to go grocery shopping together so this is just how it has to be."

“This is just how it has to be because you got us kicked out the last time we both went.”

“I maintain that those carts aren’t sturdy enough if my scrawny ass can break one just by sitting in it.”

You just roll your eyes and tangle your fingers up in her hair instead of rising to the bait because you already had that argument this week and it’s simply too soon to have it again.

That seems to be the correct move, because you can feel her start to settle down to sleep again. 

You probably should get up and do something but. Well. You’d hate to wake Dove back up when she seems so comfortable.

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: wake up babe new merge mansion lore just dropped
TG: smh cannot *believe* grandma sabotaged the wedding
TG: she had to have a good reason though right like what was in those files what did the fiance do its all very sus
TG: when will they tell us what is hiding in the basement im really invested in this and they just keep giving me more questions instead of answering anything
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CG: THAT IS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION AND NOT JUST MY USUAL REACTION TO YOU WHEN YOU START GOING OFF ABOUT DUMB SHIT, BY THE WAY. I GENUINELY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW OR WHY YOU ARE TELLING ME TO "WAKE UP". YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I WOKE UP BEFORE YOU DID.

[TG] sent file karkathelpmesolvethismystery.mov

CG: DOVE.
CG: THIS IS A MOBILE GAME AD.
TG: yeah good job for recognizing that as usual i am astounded by your observational skills you are very talented
CG: DO YOU EVEN PLAY THIS GAME? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU PLAY THIS GAME.
TG: naw its not anything like the ads kind of fucking rude they would trick us all like that but as long as they keep making these absolute masterpieces i will forgive them
TG: if my grandma accosted you with an ominous file of papers before our wedding would you call it off
CG: YOU DON'T HAVE A GRANDMA. I DO REALIZE HOW CONFUSING YOUR "FAMILY TREE" IS, EVEN OUTSIDE OF THE FACT THAT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY DAMN WORDS FOR ALL YOUR VARIOUS GENETIC RELATIONS, BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE A GRANDMA.
TG: actually i was thinking about this the other night
TG: i tried to wake you up to tell you about it but you smothered me with your rumbly boobs and it was honestly a great distraction because i totally forgot about this train of thought until just now
TG: like okay so roxy is mine and roses mom that is an established thing we all know that and acknowledge it no arguments on that one
TG: but in roxys universe rose was her mom
CG: YES. THESE ARE INDEED ALL FACTS THAT I'M PRETTY SURE WE'VE ALL KNOWN FOR SWEEPS.
TG: shush you stop being sassy you can be sassy at me later
TG: so your grandma is your moms mom right or i guess your dads mom but that doesnt matter right now for the purposes of what we are talking about
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT, SO I'LL JUST TRUST YOU ON THAT ONE.
CG: AND I KNOW WHAT A "GRANDMA" IS. YOU'VE EXPLAINED THIS TO ME BEFORE.
TG: and you actually listened and retained that information? amazing
TG: are you picking up what im putting down here or do i actually have to keep explaining this
CG: I LEGITIMATELY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS GOING, NOR AM I SURE I EVEN WANT TO.
TG: if roxy is my mom and rose is roxys mom then technically rose is my grandma
CG: LAST TIME I CHECKED, ROSE WAS YOUR SISTER.
TG: i mean yeah she is that did not stop happening and she wouldnt really be my grandma because *that* would be absolutely bonkers
TG: just like
TG: if you think about it
CG: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER WANTED TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING LESS.
TG: lmao are you sure about that im pretty sure there are things youd like to think about less
TG: anyway answer my question
TG: if rose burst through the door dramatically wielding a folder of undisclosed yet clearly distressing documents while you were getting all ready for our wedding would you call it off
CG: WHY WOULD ROSE TRY TO SABOTAGE OUR FAKE WEDDING?
TG: i dunno maybe she found some dirt on you roses motives are not the point here
TG: what if it was like really juicy blackmail on you karkat all your sordid little secrets no one knows
TG: what would you do then huh
CG: YOU KNOW ALL MY "SORDID LITTLE SECRETS" AND THEY ARE NOT NEARLY EXCITING ENOUGH TO USE AS BLACKMAIL.
TG: but what if they were
TG: actually some of them are pretty juicy but those ones mostly involve me so i dont know why rose would be threatening you with them i was there and also would probably die if rose knew about them oh shit what if shes trying to kill me thats devious
CG: I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO FUCKING SUCK IT UP AND TELL ROSE TO STOP SHOVING PAPERS IN MY FACE AND GO MAKE GOOD ON HER THREATS BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY I'M CANCELING A WEDDING LAST MINUTE.
CG: WE WOULD DEFINITELY LOSE OUR DEPOSIT AND I'M NOT WASTING ALL THAT MONEY JUST BECAUSE ROSE SUDDENLY DECIDED SHE HATED ME OR SOMETHING.
TG: the deposit is the issue here okay lmao
TG: what if it wasnt though rose is like dont worry karkat here is your deposit back if you go away and dont get married to my idiot sister
CG: WHY IS FAKE ROSE DOING THIS?
TG: i already told you i do not pretend to understand roses motives
CG: THIS IS A HYPOTHETICAL ROSE YOU MADE UP TO HARASS ME BECAUSE APPARENTLY I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING IN PEACE.
TG: it could happen karkat you gotta be prepared
CG: IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
CG: PRETTY SURE IF ROSE WANTED ME TO FUCK OFF SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT ALREADY.
TG: yeah haha you have a point
TG: good job karkat you passed roses test there will be no weird file folders in your future
CG: WHAT FUCKING TEST?
TG: its top secret shhh just know that you passed
CG: THERE IS NO TEST!
TG: ok but rose does like you
CG: SO GLAD WE CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION BECAUSE OF FUCKING MERGE MANSION.
TG: for a game neither of us play it sure comes up a lot
CG: IT CAME UP LITERALLY ONCE AND THAT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.
TG: lol if you say so
TG: anyway get me a candy bar while youre at the store
CG: "ANYWAY" SHE SAYS, AS IF SHE DIDN'T JUST SPEND THE LAST 20 MINUTES GOING OFF ABOUT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE.
CG: WHAT KIND OF CANDY BAR?
TG: idk surprise me
CG: I'M GETTING ONE WITH BUGS IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
TG: as long as theyre all crushed up sure whatever love the cronch

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum!

TG: wow cant believe youre ignoring me to shop for things for me can i be jealous of myself because i totally am

Chapter Text

You slowly drift into consciousness and the first thing you're aware of is that you feel like your entire being is on fire, and not in a good way.

Your head hurts. Everything hurts. You don't even bother opening your eyes and instead try to will yourself back to sleep because clearly being awake right now is a terrible fucking idea.

You try to kick off your blankets but quickly give up on that when your sluggish limbs don't dislodge them immediately.

You're vaguely aware of a horribly pathetic whine and you wonder where it's coming from before realizing that oh, that's you.

The whine starts up again, against your will entirely, when you reach out an arm and find the other side of the bed empty.

"Dove?"

Your voice sounds hoarse, cracking despite the fact that you've only uttered a single syllable.

She doesn't respond, probably can't hear you in whatever part of the house she's in (if she's even home?), but you're too exhausted to get up to go look for her.

You fall back into an uneasy sleep, hoping that the next time you wake up, you're not alone.

In your dreams, you're back on Alternia, burning up just like you are now. You're not tucked in a bed, though. You're trying to hide, desperately hoping that the drones don't sense your increasing body temperature, that nobody wanders by and takes advantage of your weak state, that the fever breaks soon, that-

In your dreams, your lusus clicks soothingly at you. You never truly felt safe any time you got sick. You never truly felt safe in general, not back then. But it was always comforting regardless, having him watch over you.

Something cool brushes your forehead. That doesn't quite fit with the memories within your dreams but you accept it nonetheless. You might have never been safe on Alternia, but even in your current state, you know you are now.

When you wake up again, you can hear faint humming. You recognize the cool sensation from your dreams and realize that it's Dove's hand, gently carding through your hair and wiping sweat from your brow.

You don't give any indication that you're awake, but the humming stops and Dove says, "Mornin’ baby," so she must be able to tell anyway.

"You're back."

"Hm?"

"Woke up earlier. You were gone."

"Sorry. You were turnin' the bed into a sauna over there so I went to find you some medicine. The internet said the expired Tylenol in the bathroom was definitely not gonna work against nasty troll fevers and I had to go track down some better shit."

"For once the internet was probably right."

Dove pats your cheek, then stands up. You panic and reach out to grab her. "Where're you going?"

She makes a soothing noise. "I'm grabbing you some water. Your voice sounds like a wood chipper and not in the sexy way."

You do not ask what "the sexy way" is because you're too busy being embarrassed for acting like such a clingy wiggler.

"Can you sit up? I'll pour the water into your mouth if I gotta but probably way more pleasant if I don't do that."

You have absolutely no desire to sit up, but you also would rather just drink the water like a normal goddamned person, so you pull yourself up anyway.

Dove has a glass of water in one hand and two pale yellow pills in the other. "Open up."

"Huh? Wh- mph." You sputter for a second when Dove shoves the pills into your mouth, but that doesn't last long because she holds the glass of water up to your lips right after.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking medicine and drinking water by myself, you know," you tell her after you've finished downing the water.

The look on her face is far more skeptical than it has any right to be. "Normally I'd totally agree with you. You're a strong independent troll, don't need me for anything." Well you wouldn't go that far. "But your hands are shaking worse than that time I broke the dryer and it managed to shake itself out the laundry room door."

“They are not.”

Dove grabs one of your hands and yeah. Maybe she has a point. She lifts your hand, presses her lips against your knuckles (they feel so cold, you must really be burning up), then lets it go. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” you joke.

“I would never, how dare you.” She gently presses against your chest and you lean back into your pillows. As much fun as arguing with Dove is, you honestly don’t want to continue sitting up and it hurts to talk, so you just let her tuck you in without complaint. 

“I’m getting more water and then I’ll be right back,” she says before getting up. 

“Mmkay.”

True to her word, she’s back in no time. You hear her set the water down on the table next to you, then feel the bed dip as she sits down on her side of the bed.

Dove leans down to kiss your cheek then starts running her fingers through your hair again. You’re pretty sure the song she starts humming is one she made up about your ass the other day, but it’s soothing enough to help you drift back off into a much more peaceful sleep.

Chapter Text

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: ARE YOU COMING HOME TONIGHT?
CG: AND IF SO SHOULD I MAKE YOU FOOD BECAUSE IF NOT I'M MAKING THAT BEETLE PASTA THAT YOU DON'T LIKE.
CG: ACTUALLY, I'M GOING TO MAKE THAT EITHER WAY BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU'D BE HOME TWO HOURS AGO AND I'M STARVING SO YOU CAN SUCK IT.
CG: BUT WHILE YOU'RE SUCKING IT, CAN YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION?
CG: DIRK ISN'T ANSWERING HIS MESSAGES EITHER. ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?
CG: IF YOU ARE DEAD IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.
TG: holy shit sorry i fell asleep lmao
CG: FELL ASLEEP WHERE? WHERE ARE YOU?
TG: at roxys
TG: this is all her fault she didnt tell me the brownies that i ate without asking were special brownies
CG: WHAT DO BROWNIES HAVE TO DO WITH YOU DISAPPEARING FOR HOURS???
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE HANGING OUT WITH DIRK?
TG: oh yeah i was and then roxy called him and i have no idea what the fuck she wanted in the first place but then we ended up at her house and i had to keep myself entertained while they did some "secret haxxor" project in roxys garage
CG: AND YOU KEPT YOURSELF ENTERTAINED BY EATING HER FOOD?
CG: WHICH MADE YOU FALL ASLEEP FOR SOME REASON?
TG: uh yeah thats the basics lmao
TG: sorry if you were worried
CG: I WASN'T.
TG: yeah yeah you just wanted to see if you could ditch me for dinner lol
TG: which you can by the way because my ass is not getting up from this floor so unless dirk or roxy wanna fly me home im just gonna lay here until roxy notices and gives me a blanket or something
TG: why did dirk even ask me to come with if they were just gonna ignore me lol could have been at home getting ignored by you instead
CG: EITHER I MISSED SOMETHING OR YOU HAVE LEFT OUT SOME IMPORTANT DETAILS. WHY ARE YOU ON THE FLOOR AND UNABLE TO COME HOME BY YOURSELF?
CG: AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE ROXY AND DIRK?
TG: garage still idk
TG: maybe you should just come over here i dont think anyone else is coming to my rescue any time soon
CG: I'M MESSAGING ROXY.
TG: oh hell yeah you summoned her
TG: shes laughing at me wtf what did you tell her
CG: SHE'S LAUGHING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE APPARENTLY LAYING FACEDOWN UNDER HER COFFEE TABLE.
TG: sounds like me yeah
TG: she says shes gonna take me home so i can be your problem now hell yes <3
CG: TELL HER TO FEED YOU SOMETHING THAT ISN'T LACED WITH HUMAN PSYCHOACTIVE PLANT MATTER BEFORE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU.
TG: i know for a fucking fact that you know its called weed lmao
TG: and i guess i can stay here if you really dont wanna deal with my ass
TG: get all cozy on roxys couch steal all her blankets bemoan the fact that my girlfriend doesnt love me when im high
CG: OH KNOCK IT OFF. EAT SOMETHING AND THEN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE.
TG: well if you insist
TG: how come i cant have any beetle pasta you gonna eat it all without me
CG: YES.
TG: wow rude
CG: YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE IT!
TG: mighta ate some if you made it idk expand my pallet
CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT IT AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.
CG: IF ROXY WON'T FEED YOU, YOU CAN HEAT UP SOME LEFTOVERS OR SOMETHING.
TG: you really gonna trust me in the kitchen lmao
CG: EURGH NO. YOU'LL BURN IT DOWN.
TG: one of us has set a fire in the kitchen more than once and it was not me
CG: YOU STILL DID IT ONCE!
TG: you were there and it was also your fault so actually i only did it half a time
CG: THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS AT ALL.

turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!

CG: YOU BETTER NOT HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN.
CG: BUT IF YOU DID I HOPE IT'S NOT ON THE FLOOR THIS TIME.
TG: oh naw rox made me a pbj had to get my munch on
TG: had some aj too getting the star treatment here
TG: and she made me put on a jacket in case it gets cold while shes taking me home lol gettin babied by my mom love it
CG: ARE YOU LEAVING NOW?
TG: yeah set a timer lets see how fast rox can get me there
TG: maybe shell beat her record this time
CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT! SHE CAN BEAT HER RECORD WHEN SHE IS NOT CARRYING YOUR HIGH ASS.
TG: just gonna not care about roxys safety huh
CG: I CAN'T STOP HER FROM ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN SHE'S BY HERSELF BUT I NEED HER TO GET YOU HOME IN ONE PIECE.
TG: awww you sap
CG: I'M RUNNING OUT OF CLEAN CLOTHES. I NEED YOU ALIVE SO YOU CAN WASH THEM.
TG: damn ok high laundry night it is
CG: OR NOT-HIGH LAUNDRY DAY TOMORROW SO YOU DON'T FUCK ALL MY SHIT UP.
TG: babe im pretty sure i could shove all your clothes together and put dish soap in there and theyd be fine you dont exactly have a bunch of fancy dryclean only delicates or anything
TG: you can supervise the high laundry ;)
CG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE WINKING.
CG: PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY WHILE YOU TWO ARE FLYING SO YOU DON'T BREAK IT.
CG: AGAIN.
TG: that has only happened like
TG: five times tops you need to let it go
CG: /:B
TG: hehe karkat emoji my beloved
TG: ok ill be home soon <3
CG: <3
CG: IF YOU'RE NOT HERE WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR I'M SENDING A SEARCH TEAM.
TG: is the search team you on a bike
CG: YES. AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT SO GO STRAIGHT HOME.
TG: yes maam roxy also says yes maam we got this

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Chapter Text

You're watching a movie with Dove, which is fairly commonplace, but this time you two are out at a theater together. She'd teased you about how excited you were to see some "basic ass" romcom that honestly has a super predictable plot. When you said you'd just go by yourself, though, she'd insisted that she wanted to come with you.

"Can't have you eating all that popcorn by yourself," was her explanation.

It's only 20 minutes into the movie and the popcorn is pretty much gone. You watch out of the corner of your eye as Dove keeps fiddling with the empty popcorn bag anyway.

She pulls out her phone after a few minutes of that, and you're about to tell her off for texting during the movie when your phone goes off.

You look at the messages, then glance at Dove and give her a questioning look.

TG: pst
TG: karkat
TG: no dont look at me look at your phone
TG: karkat
TG: kaaarkaat
TG: is this really what you do when i message you just sit there and make faces about it
TG: you cant ignore me i can see you reading my messages
TG: i mean i guess you can ignore me but im not gonna go away
TG: not that i ever go away lol you are stuck with me forever aint getting out of this one we are bonded forever through my eternal clinginess
TG: unless you wanted me to go away but lets face it you love all this attention i can tell
CG: IS THERE A REASON WHY YOU CAN'T JUST TALK TO ME OUT LOUD?
TG: were watching a movie kat that would be rude i cant interrupt this fine piece of cinema
TG: all the other movie goers would be like wow look at her whispering over there cant she tell we are trying to hang on to each individual word muttered by this dashing protagonist how dare she
CG: SO WATCH THE MOVIE!
TG: naw
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TG: can you swap me spots
CG: UH, SURE? WHY?
CG: WON'T THAT ALSO INTERRUPT THE MOVIE? WHAT WITH US STANDING UP AND BLOCKING PEOPLE?
TG: naw its chill its chill just stand up real quick and ill scoot over and then you sit back down
TG: itll be real smooth nobody will notice
CG: CAN YOU AT LEAST EXPLAIN *WHY* YOU NEED TO SWAP SPOTS? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT SEAT? DID YOU SPILL YOUR DRINK ALL OVER IT? IF SO, NO DEAL.
TG: actually on second thought im gonna just go to the bathroom
TG: you can scoot over and see that nothing is wrong with the seat

Before you have the chance to respond, Dove is crawling over you and heading out of the theater in a flash.

You inspect the seat, which appears to be fine, and message her.

CG: OKAY THE SEAT APPEARS TO BE CLEAN, AT LEAST.
TG: see theres nothing wrong with it at all just a normal seat
TG: right next to some other seats all squished against them just bumping thighs and elbows with those friendly seats
CG: AH.
CG: DOES THE SEAT NEED TO NOT BE BUMPING AGAINST SO MANY OTHER SEATS?
TG: yeah maybe it wants some space to just be by its seat self
TG: or like
TG: with its seat gf on one side and that sweet aisle on the other
CG: DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
TG: huh no why would i want to go home im just taking a lil bathroom break and then im gonna come back so us and our seats and the aisle can all enjoy this movie that you have been wanting to see for weeks
CG: WE CAN COME BACK ANOTHER TIME WHEN THE THEATER ISN'T FUCKING PACKED TO THE GILLS.
TG: were like halfway through why would we do that
CG: WE ARE MISSING IT ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM AND I'M BEING THAT ASSHOLE SITTING IN THE THEATER TEXTING.
TG: fuck
TG: okay im being ridiculous i get it ill stop texting you
CG: I DIDN'T SAY YOU HAD TO STOP TEXTING ME!
CG: DOVE.
CG: YOU'RE STILL ONLINE I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.
CG: ...
CG: I'M COMING TO THE BATHROOM.
TG: no no its fine im coming back lets finish the movie
TG: im literally walking toward you do not get up

You watch as Dove slips into the seat beside you, the one you just vacated so she could switch with you as requested.

She's still radiating nervous energy. Her leg bounces up and down as she pretends to go back to watching the movie.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave?"

"Sure as a fuckin. Thing that is sure. Insert metaphor here. That's me."

You refrain from arguing with her, because you really shouldn't be talking at all, and reach out to hold her hand instead. You are unsure if she just didn't dry her hands off in the bathroom but wow. "Why is your palm so wet?" She makes a noise and goes to pull her hand away. "No, get back here, I didn't say I don't want to hold it."

She stills, lets you intertwine your fingers with hers.

You think that's that, but after a few minutes she starts wiggling around. She rests her head on your shoulder, seems to decide that's not comfortable, goes back to just holding your hand, decides that isn't what she wants, then lets go of your hand entirely and grabs at your forearm.

"Can you..." You understand what she wants before she even finishes asking and wrap your arm around her shoulders. "Hell yeah, perfect. You can go back to watching the movie, sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. Seriously, if you're uncomfortable we can go."

"Me and your arm are nice and comfy."

"If you say so."

"I do sa-"

Someone behind you angrily whispers, "Shut up," and makes a shushing noise.

You feel a brief flash of irritation because what the fuck, only you get to tell Dove to shut up, but then you realize you're being stupid. You both need to shut up because you are still in a fucking public theater and nobody came here to listen to you two fail to whisper at one another.

She seems fine now anyway, so you actually go back to watching the movie for good this time.

You normally like to stay and watch the credits at the end, but the second the movie is over you nudge Dove up and grab her hand to lead her out of the theater. You’re sure she’d like to avoid the crowd that will be filtering out any second now.

“Where’re you in such a rush to get to?” she asks you with a laugh. “You owe someone in there money? Or are we just booking it out of here for fun?”

“I just want to go home,” you lie.

“So you can write a rave review of the movie? Or a scathing one. We haven’t had a chance to hash out how you feel about it yet.”

You roll your eyes. “It was fine. The ending could use some work.”

“So we’re running away from the shitty ending. Got it.” She smiles at you and adds, “Thanks, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Your general existence, obviously.”

You both know that’s not what she’s thanking you for, but you don’t point that out. Instead, you get as far from the theater as you can before you let Dove fly you both home.

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: karkat im having an argument with roxy and i need you to take my side ok
TG: if she messages you and tries to convince you shes right dont listen because she is definitely wrong
TG: and if you dont think shes wrong dont tell her that please i am begging you
TG: terezi and vriska are already on my ass about how im the one misreading this situation and they wont stop fucking laughing at me as if im the one who doesnt know whats going on here but i do and you know what
TG: you do too karkat
TG: you know
TG: that roxy is wrong and i am totally right
CG: SO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT ROXY IS RIGHT.
CG: BUT I'M ALSO NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE, EITHER.
CG: BECAUSE *BOTH* OF YOU ARE SO MINDNUMBINGLY ASS OVER RUMBLE SPHERES FUCKING *WRONG* THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU MANAGED TO COME TO TWO SEEMINGLY DIFFERENT CONCLUSIONS AND NOT BE IN COMPLETE AGREEMENT WITH ONE ANOTHER.
TG: so what im hearing is that roxy is wrong
CG: YES! ROXY IS WRONG!
CG: AND SO ARE YOU!
CG: ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, TEREZI AND VRISKA ARE SOMEHOW THE ONLY ONES WHO HAVE COME TO A HALF-DECENT CONCLUSION HERE AND I'M HONESTLY EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU ARE MAKING ME SAY THAT.
TG: aw babe what
TG: dont be disappointed in me come on
CG: I'M DISAPPOINTED IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SITUATION, NOT YOU.
TG: ok but like
TG: from your point of view
TG: what is the situation
TG: just so im sure we are talking about the same thing
CG: SOME GUY WAS HITTING ON YOU AND HE ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER.
TG: what
TG: no
CG: YES.
CG: HE IS NOT SOME WEIRD SUPERFAN STALKER AND HE IS ALSO NOT TRYING TO GET YOUR INFORMATION SO THAT HE CAN HACK YOU AND/OR STEAL YOUR IDENTITY.
TG: then why did he want my number
CG: PRESUMABLY SO HE COULD TEXT YOU? OR CALL YOU, I GUESS, IF HE'S ONE OF *THOSE* PEOPLE.
TG: i would rather some guy stalk me and also steal my identity and hack all my stuff than call me what the fuck
CG: WELL GOOD THING YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER, THEN.
TG: how do you know he was hitting on me though
TG: im pretty sure he was not doing that
CG: VRISKA SAID HE WAS.
TG: and you believe vriska over me why
TG: that is legitimately fucking rude dont do that
CG: I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS EITHER, OKAY!
CG: HE ASKED YOU IF YOU "COME HERE OFTEN", COMPLIMENTED YOUR HAIR, AND THEN ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER?
CG: DOVE.
CG: YOU CANNOT BE THAT FUCKING OBLIVIOUS.
TG: i mean my hair does look really nice today karkat
TG: amazing what happens when i let you brush it for me
TG: this is terrible im never coming to this smoothie place ever again ugh
CG: THERE, THERE. YOU'LL BE FINE. TEREZI APPARENTLY SCARED HIM OFF?
TG: you know actually this all makes so much more sense now
TG: i was wondering why the dude was just like oh sorry my bad when terezi said i was married
TG: as if being married would scare off identity theft or stalking
TG: was wondering about that but who am i to question terezis methods maybe its harder to steal someones identity if theyre married i wouldnt know
TG: lol is there gonna be some shit in the paper about how we secretly got married again
CG: PROBABLY.
TG: one of these days were gonna get married forreal and then what are they gonna write about on slow news days
CG: I MEAN, THEY DO KEEP WRITING ABOUT HOW ROSE IS SECRETLY PREGNANT.
TG: yeah but neither of us can get pregnant dunno how theyre gonna spin that one
CG: LITERALLY JUST LAST MONTH THEY PUBLISHED SOMETHING ABOUT US SECRETLY ADOPTING A DOZEN WIGGLERS. I'M SURE THEY'LL MANAGE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
TG: haha yes the return of karkat jr and doritos 1 through 11
TG: maybe doritos 1 through 10 and then a tz 2.0 i told terezi id name one of the fake wigglers after her next time
CG: GLAD WE HAVE THAT ALL WORKED OUT SO THOSE HACKS WHO CALL THEMSELVES JOURNALISTS HAVE SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT AFTER WE GET MARRIED.
TG: same that was clearly the entire point of this outing today glad we got that all solved
CG: ROXY IS MESSAGING ME NOW TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME MONOPOLIZING YOUR TIME.
TG: you can monopolize my time all you want baby <3
CG: I'LL BE NICE AND LET ROXY HAVE A TURN. SINCE YOU LEFT THE HOUSE TO GO HANG OUT WITH HER AND ALL.
CG: AND TEREZI AND VRISKA I GUESS BUT I'M PRETTY CERTAIN THEY JUST SHOWED UP.
TG: oh yeah i have no idea why theyre here but i wasnt really gonna question it because i have better shit to do
CG: LIKE GET HIT ON BY RANDOM PEOPLE AND THEN ACCUSE THEM OF STALKING YOU?
TG: yeah exactly you get it
TG: ok fuck bye before roxy steals my phone <3
CG: BYE <3

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Chapter Text

Something feels... off. Wrong. You can't quite put your finger on it, but there's definitely something disrupting you, getting in the way of what you'd hoped would be a productive evening.

You've been tapping away at your screenplay for a couple of hours, but each word has felt like it has to be squeezed out of you. You've barely managed to write a third of what you could normally finish in this time, and you're pretty sure what you have managed to type up is hotter garbage than usual.

Nothing has interrupted you. There's not anything particularly distracting going on, no ambient noise to bother you. In fact, you don't really hear much at all...

Ah.

You spin your chair around, abandoning your work for now, and open your office door.

"Dove?"

No response.

You don't hear anything you'd usually expect to hear. Not the vibrations of the dryer or the swooshing (and occasional banging, because Dove always overloads it) of the washing machine, even though it's laundry day.

There's no music coming from Dove's studio, no television on downstairs. You haven't received any messages from her, either, which is the part that's truly concerning. You're fairly certain she writes more than you do on the days where you lock yourself away in your office to work, just based on the nonsense she sends you.

She must be here somewhere. She'd been up for breakfast. Had said she'd be around the house while you worked. She might have changed her mind, but Dove never leaves without saying goodbye first, even if you're busy. Especially if you're busy.

When she doesn't respond to your second attempt to call for her, you go to the bedroom.

All the lights are off. The curtains are closed tight, shutting out every bit of light from the moon and street lamps outside.

It's also eerily quiet in here, though the lump under the bedsheets tells you that you don't need to keep searching for your oddly silent girlfriend.

You sit next to her on the bed. "Hey. What's wrong?"

When she doesn't respond, you add, "I know you're not sleeping."

Her voice is hushed and muffled, but Dove replies this time. "You can't even see me."

"You snore. And talk in your sleep."

"Maybe I'm just sleeping like a normal person for once."

"No you're not."

You shift on the bed, slowly start lifting the comforter up. When Dove doesn't protest, you climb under it with her, pulling the blanket back up over both your heads.

You know she can't really see you since she hasn't magically gained night vision despite mostly being on a nocturnal schedule with you. You can definitely see her, though, and she looks rough.

"Headache?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"You were working on that thing that you don't wanna show me. Didn't want to bother you."

She's clearly already not feeling well, so you don't point out that Dove "not bothering" you is somehow more distracting and bothersome than when she actively tries to distract you.

"Apparently I'm not in a writing mood today," you tell her instead. "I think my husktop will appreciate the break from seeing my ugly face sitting there staring at it instead of actually doing anything useful."

"I cannot believe you. How dare you call my beautiful girlfriend ugly when I'm already dying like this."

"You are not dying."

Dove reaches a hand up and brushes her fingers along your jaw before leaning in to press a soft kiss to your cheek. "Mm. Maybe not anymore, now that you're here."

You scoot closer, wrap your arms around Dove, and she happily settles against you. Her hair tickles against your nose as she wiggles, trying to find the most comfortable cuddling position.

She eventually stops moving around, rests with her face tucked against your chest.

You know too much noise usually just makes her headaches worse, but you can't help the affectionate purr that always starts up when Dove is this close to you. You hope the sound isn't too much for her.

"Hell yeah, the boobs are rumbling."

"Shush." You feel, more than hear, her laugh into your rumble spheres. "Go to sleep."

"Eh, don't think I can. Glad you came in here, though, this is much more entertaining than lying in agony all by myself."

You sigh and run a hand along Dove's spine in what you hope is a soothing manner. "Come get me next time so you're not 'lying in agony' all by yourself. I swear, the only time you leave me alone is when I don’t want you to.”

Dove just, “Hmms,” in response and you know that, despite what she’d said, she’s starting to fall asleep. There are plenty of other things you could be doing, should probably be doing today. Instead, you hold Dove while she naps and hope that when she wakes up for the second time tonight, she’s feeling better.

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TG: hey mom
TG: roxy
TG: fuck
TG: already startin the night off on a weird foot got it
TG: dont u always start off on a weird foot lol
TG: wow are you calling my feet weird
TG: naw im callin you weird :P i have no particular opinions about your feet
TG: yeah okay i cant even argue with that
TG: anyway
TG: sup
TG: you messaged me silly sup with you
TG: oh you know
TG: chillin
TG: vibin
TG: sittin in the kitchen surrounded by the shards of karkats favorite coffee mug
TG: normal casual things i do on the regular while making coffee
TG: oh no rip you worked so hard on that
TG: did you want some clay to make another one is that why youre messagin me
TG: you dont gotta make small talk ill just give you stuff lol
TG: huh
TG: why would i need clay
TG: to make another sick crab mug?
TG: thats what you broke right
TG: no thats not karkats favorite mug she hates that thing
TG: p sure she adores it and its tiny crab face actually
TG: im curious which one you broke now though
TG: one of the ones we yanked from the meteor
TG: oh fuck
TG: i have a fuckton of glue and various other things that im sure you also have but im guessin you want me to try and voidy power a replacement for you?
TG: yeah i guess
TG: i have the matching one i can send a pic
TG: but it wont really be the same right
TG: it will look and act exactly the same but it will not be the exact same mug no
TG: as far as i can tell anyway
TG: ugh
TG: how do mugs act anyway lol whyd you say act
TG: dont question me shhh
TG: mugs act like mugs duh
TG: damn yeah cant question that
TG: are you ok
TG: yeah but karkats gonna be pissed
TG: naw
TG: yes she is
TG: nope
TG: :/
TG: you didnt break it on purpose just get everything cleaned up and bring her coffee in the crab mug
TG: itll be fine ill get you a replacement if you cant fix it
TG: yeah alright sounds good ill go get this cleaned up and stop bugging you
TG: pft i love it when you bug me dont worry about it

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

You look at the broken mug, still smashed all over the place, and sigh. 

You probably should have cleaned things up first instead of texting Roxy, but you're not in the mood to question why you do the things you do right now.

You can still hear the shower going upstairs at least, so Karkat isn't likely to barge in and accidentally step on the bits of mug scattered all over the kitchen floor.

You cut your hand on the first piece you try to pick up, because of course you do, so you have to take care of that before you can actually clean up. You quickly wash your hands and slap a bandaid on it (one with cats that you stole from Roxy, coincidentally).

After picking up all the larger pieces and sweeping the leftover bits up, you hesitate. There's no way this can be fixed, at least not entirely. You can probably save the larger pieces, piece them together with some clay or something. But the little shards and bits of dust are goners.

The thought of throwing them away makes you feel terrible, though. 

Instead, you dump everything into a ziplock bag and shove it into a cabinet to deal with later. 

You do one last inspection of the floor, decide to vacuum it just in case, and then you finally head upstairs with two unbroken mugs of coffee.

Karkat's already out of the shower and dressed by the time you walk back into your room. 

"Why were you vacuu— what the fuck happened to your hand?"

"Nothing. Broke something. It's fine."

She gives you an odd look. Takes the coffee you offer her (in the crab mug, of course). Sets it down on her bedside table before grabbing your hand to inspect it.

"Be careful," is all she says before she plants a kiss right over the bandaid. 

"Not gonna scold me for breaking shit in the kitchen again?"

"Did you want me to scold you? Let me have my coffee first, at least."

She sits down on the bed, picks up her coffee mug again. You can't help but notice the little grin on her face when she goes to take a sip.

"Are you going to sit down too or just stand there looking at me?" she asks after a minute. 

"Oh yeah. Sure." 

Karkat doesn't say anything about your choice of mugs this morning, just slips her free arm around your waist when you finally join her on the bed. You two sit there for a while, until it's time to go downstairs for a refill, and you think maybe this day isn't actually off to a terrible start.