Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Merlin could not fathom his hatred for hunts, let alone impromptu ones. Arthur was tired of court duties, sure, he understood that. It's just… Why must his version of relaxation be harming innocent animals for fun while sitting and sleeping on the forest floor and having no proper place to relieve oneself. Merlin preferred to relax by laying in bed, reading for fun instead of study or life-saving, or lounging around with his friends.
Lancelot seemed to be the only one who understood his pain, though the knight himself enjoyed a good hunt. Stupid knights and their violent tendencies. Sometimes he wondered if it was his magic that prevented him from enjoying hunts, as he was connected to all life and all that Emrys stuff…
Whatever. Point is, he was always given stupid jobs on top of already having a foul time and therefore he quite enjoyed spending his time ruining their chances of finding game and glaring daggers at Arthur’s head, all while cursing their stupid masculine urges.
“Merlin! Watch for sticks or I swear the next arrow that is shot will be directly at your head!”
Merlin stuck his tongue out at Arthur, earning laughs from Gwaine and Elyan. The other knights were either too busy actually hunting or trying to remain on Arthur’s good side - he didn’t know.
A quarter of an hour had passed before Merlin noticed a spot of red in his peripheral. He stopped his beating stick as he stilled, peering at the spot. It was full of greenery, but Merlin felt something had been there. He noticed Gwaine pause ahead of him, an eyebrow raised.
“Coming?”
Maybe it was an injured animal, or his imagination taking over since he was bored out of his bloody mind.
He gave Gwaine a simple nod, eyeing the woods once more before shaking it off as nothing. As he walked back up to the group he made sure to keep an eye out for anything curious, just in case.
“What's going on up there, hmm?” Gwaine reached out to tap his forehead, causing Merlin to swat his hand away with a playful frown.
“A hatred for this day,” Merlin supplied, keeping his suspicion to himself. Not that it would shock Gwaine, considering he got funny feelings a lot, but he was honestly half convinced it was nothing.
Gwaine’s smile faltered, just for a second, before it was back in full. “Want to make it a bit more exciting?”
“Gwaine! If you could please stop being a hindrance for one-”
Arthur was interrupted by a clash of swords and a shout from Leon. Merlin knew something was up! Mostly!
The knights sprung into action and Merlin took a step away, assessing the situation and trying to figure out if he was needed or not. The odds were about three bandits for every knight, which would usually be decent odds with his assistance but suddenly a few men specifically caught Merlin’s eye.
They wore robes, stitched with design and colorfully worn. None of them did anything but stand still as the fight continued, watching as the knights defeated more men. It was as if they all were waiting for something, a cue or signal. Merlin tried to find one, watching the men Arthur fought specifically. Maybe they were waiting until Arthur was distracted properly, or for an injury. Maybe they waited until he was the last man standing before they cursed him or killed him. A man in a deep blue seemed to watch Arthur more than the others, not even flinching when a piece of his long hair fell from his braid and into his eye. He seemed familiar, in the oddest way; they all did.
Merlin found himself realizing they… they looked like druids. The thought made him freeze, and it wasn’t until a man in a burnt orange robe began a spell that he was sprung back into reality. His hesitation, his disbelief, had taken far too long.
The knights all fell unconscious, and Merlin found himself panicking as he tried to think of something. A spell started on the tip of his tongue, his magic was building and he felt everything as time slowed down - only for someone to appear behind him and knock against his skull.
He only knew darkness and his failure as consciousness alluded him.

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When Gwaine opened his eyes he found himself cloaked in shadow. His other senses perked up when his eyes gave nothing away, and he didn’t like what he found. The chilled rough floor beneath him reminded him of a cold winter night spent on the floor of a tavern, too drunk to move and too poor of a customer to be helped. His body ached, just the slightest bit, like he had been forced into a position and wasn't aware it was uncomfortable - something he figured had actually occurred.
It was his ears that gave away the situation, however. The familiar grunt of Percival becoming conscious; the curse that flew out of Arthur’s mouth; the shifting of limbs as his comrades came to and became aware of their bodies; the breathing pattern of the man beside him, trying to calm himself.
“Everyone here?” Leon spoke, his voice louder than Gwaine would have liked. As if waiting for a cue, his head pounded with such force he winced and put a hand on the crown of his head to try and appease its cries.
“Unfortunately,” Arthur replied, sounding truly irritated. Not that Gwaine could blame him, as his own irritation was growing with his hunger, pain, and confusion.
“Lancelot,” the man altered the others, as they were unaware in the dark. The voice came from his right, so Gwaine reached out to feel for him. His fingers reached his friends chainmail, frigid and still.
“Elyan.” His voice came out just above a whisper, revealing what Gwaine had feared - the man was hurting. Percival’s rough voice broke the silence next, leaving Gwaine.
“‘M here. Anyone hurt?”
There was a grunt, but overall a sign nothing was too bad. Elyan just had head pain, likely from being thrown in here, and was wary of making it worse with the sound of his own voice.
“Where's Merlin?” Lancelot voiced. The cell - yes, Gwaine had deduced it was such a thing - was left in stunned silence.
“Shit.”
Gwaine forced himself to stand as he focused his worry into action. His goal was to find a door or a gate or something of the sort but he was stopped as he stepped on something.
“Ow, you idiot!”
Scratch that, it was a someone - a certain princess. Someone who really needed to mind who he called an idiot because really Gwaine was the one standing and at a much greater advantage.
“Apologies. Looking for a way out; you know, to find Merlin?”
The rest of the men stood in a rush of chain bumping together and limbs hitting against stone. It seemed his call to action worked, as they all began to blindly search for a way out.
Gwaine only had the courage to hope Merlin was alive. If anything happened to his oldest friend, he didn’t know if he’d ever leave the tavern ever again. Ever.

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As Merlin awoke, his first thoughts were of dread. Then anger, failure, and more dread. How could he have been so stupid as to freeze?! What if the knights were hurt or - or worse?
No. With a shake of his head Merlin forced himself to snap out of it and assess the situation. With the skill of both a warlock and a physician, he scanned himself for injury. He was surprised to find himself perfectly fine, if not a bit hungry and tired. Even his head, which he was so certain had been the cause of his black out, was fine.
He was shrouded in darkness save for the tiniest sliver of candlelight above him, probably a window of some sort.
Then his eyes were burning as the door seemed to disappear without warning. Once he blinked enough to see, a man in orange staring down at him with a pained smile.
“I’m glad you’re awake, Master Emrys. How do you feel?”
Merlin scoffed. Of bloody course. Just his luck to have this bullshit happen again. He swore on the Great Dragon that if any of his friends were hurt in the process of getting to him, he’d kill everyone responsible.
“Do not call me master and force me into your hand; it's hypocritical and annoying. What do you want from me?”
“I know it seems rash, but we are tired of being patient. Our people are persecuted and put to death because you have not yet fulfilled your destiny. If the people in your life have failed you after this many years, we can only hope to do better the second time around.”
Merlin was momentarily dazed; not only was his speech much shorter than most enemies, but that final bit confused him greatly.
“Second time around what?”
The man sighed, like kidnapping was a great burden on him instead of his victim. Typical. “I wish I could say you would soon understand, but you won’t. Your cooperation would be greatly appreciated in this next part, however.”
Merlin scrambled back against the wall as four more men came into view. He reached for his magic but found it was shying away from him, leaving him hopeless and more confused and hurt than ever.
“We’ve disabled your power just for a moment, Emrys. Do not fear, a power such as yours can not be held for long.”
It seemed he was being truthful. Merlin was unable to touch his own power, and it was as if a light went out in his very being as he struggled even harder to grasp it. His magic… How could he live without his magic?
In his panic he didn’t hear the men begin to chant, nor did he realize his body was starting to tingle all over.
In his last seconds of awareness, he could only scream.

Chapter Text

Gwaine was pretty certain he was going insane. It had started with the stone and the shadows and finished with the lack of doors, windows, and bars - not impossible, but it meant magic. It made the group tense and on edge, fearful of what it meant - especially with Merlin being separated.
They had given up on trying to find a way out after a while, settling for sitting, occasionally complaining, and sighing. Gwaine was pretty sure Percival was asleep, resting to get his strength back perhaps.
“We need to get out of here.” Arthur’s voice was gruff, full of determination and roughened by lack of water. Gwaine found himself nodding, until he remembered no one could bloody see him.
“Agreed. How do we go about that, Princess? You’re an expert in being held hostage.”
Arthur scoffed, “It's not exactly an art, Gwaine.”
Gwaine would beg to differ, personally.
“If we can not find a way out, perhaps figuring out a motive would be helpful,” Leon suggested. It was silent for a moment,
“Arthur’s prince?” Elyan’s voice was laced with disbelief, like he couldn’t believe Leon hadn’t thought of it.
“No shit,” Gwaine got out. “But why separate Merlin?”
“Thank you, Gwaine.”
“Anytime, Leon.”
No one commented on the tone of his voice, and the blatant disrespect for the title of Knight. It was typical Gwaine behavior, after all.
“My manservant, I suppose? I mean, what's special about Merlin?”
Gwaine had a retort on his tongue but he stilled when he heard Lancelot scoff beside him. He reached out and bumped his friend’s shoulder,
“Something to share, lancelot?”
Lancelot froze beneath his touch, like he had been caught. Gwaine tilted his head as he grew curious; what did he know?
“Lancelot?”
Arthur’s questioning seemed to bring him from his temporary daze.
“He is pretty close to you, sir. Merlin also has friends in many places, has access to all the servants and servant passages, and the physicians chambers and patients. He could potentially… he could be tortured for information on any of these things.”
“Or be influenced to corrupt something within Camelot,” Percival added, much like one added dry leaves for a roaring fire that was already burning hot enough - not all that bloody helpful, thank you very much. Gwaine's worry multiplied in a way he didn’t think possible.
“Lovely,” he ground out. He decided to take advantage of the darkness, pulling his knees to his chest like a child. The cold of the stone beneath him seemed to seep into his very being as he curled into himself. With no one to judge or look down on him, he closed his eyes.
“I’m sure it's not that serious,” Arthur managed. Gwaine could hear the doubt that creeped along his words, but appreciated the attempt.
“Let's focus on getting out, men. Survive now, mourn later.” How Leon managed to do the exact opposite of Arthur baffled Gwaine, but he didn’t have it in him to snap back. The thought of Merlin being tortured… no. He refused to think about it.
“We already tried to find a way; what else is there to do but wait?” Elyan sounded doubtful, which was completely fine, considering the situation.
“Well-”
Leon was cut off by a deafening, primal scream that both broke Gwaine’s heart and filled him with unimaginable rage. He was on his feet in an instant, stumbling over legs and arms until he slammed into a wall. Simply under an assumption that this was the way out, he began pounding on it violently. As he yelled, he grew more determined. Either this wall would break, or his hands would.

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Merlin was first aware of how scared he was. It was cold, and dark, and it was silent. The birds weren't chirping, no wind was brushing the side of his home, and no fire could be heard crackling softly. He let out a whimper as he rose, getting a wave of nausea and an ache in his limbs. Once he sat up, he noticed the candle flickering just out of reach. He listened quickly, checking for others, before calling upon his magic.
The candle grew in size and brightness, illuminating wherever he was. The sight scared him, only adding to his fear. Stone walls were covered in cobwebs and dust, and there were four sleeping men on the floor.
He scrambled away from them, because strangers were bad but strangers and magic was against the rules.
No magic in front of anyone but us, Merlin.
He nodded as he recalled his mothers stern voice, wishing she were here to take him away and give him a hug and tell him a story. Perhaps his favorite story, with a big dragon and a king and a dangerous escape to safety.
A commotion was heard outside of the doorway, which Merlin just became aware of. Deep voices, rushed and quiet, but… maybe they could help him. Maybe the men on the ground were bad men and had brought him here and maybe the people outside were nice and would give him a much needed hug before they brought him home to his mother.
Tears flooded his vision as he stood fully, caused by the pain and the fear. It took a second for him to calm down, remembering his mothers soothing words:
You’re getting so big, my love. You’re so, so strong and brave.
He was strong and brave. Inhaling deeply and letting it out slowly, he took a step towards the voices. The light from the candle had dimmed with his exhale, so he was squinting and reaching an arm out for the edge of the exit.
“Hello?”
HIs small voice traveled far, and silenced the deeper whispers that came to him.
“Merlin?”

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Gwaine himself led the knights through whatever hellhole they were in. Shortly after the scream, the wall had disappeared as if it had never been there. He was the first one out, and found himself barking orders to stay together and find Merlin.
Surprisingly, they listened. It was eerily silent, their steps echoing against the stone and their whispers crawling far beyond them.
“Merlin?” Arthur called out from behind him. Gwaine’s arms were reached out in front of him as he felt along the walls in the dark. He was seriously missing his sight; he would take it granted no longer. His heart was pounding throughout his body as he continued along, the others calling out for Merlin or altering each other to step over something or other.
Gwaine led them through a turn, and halted when he saw a flare of light far ahead.
“Merlin?!”
With newfound hope and a burst of energy, Gwaine found himself between Arthur and Lancelot in the pathway. The three walked forward with hands on their swords, trusting the others to watch their backs.
“We’re coming, Merlin,” Lancelot called. It was as if he had heard or seen something to alert him of Merlin’s presence, but Gwaine couldn’t find it within himself to ask. He was too focused on rescuing the damsel who was most likely in distress.
Oddly, the light grew dimmer even with their close proximity. Gwaine gripped the pommel of his sword, just as Arthur pulled his own from its place by his side.
“Hello?”
The group collectively froze at the small voice. It was soft, sweet, and young. Part of Gwaine selfishly thought that this was a waste of his time, rescuing this child instead of his friend. Then the smarter, more noble bit punched its counterpart in the face for being an asshole.
“Merlin?” Lancelot tried, inching closer. Arthur lowered his sword, just the slightest bit, to make more room for Lancelot to get to the opening the light was coming from.
When a small head poked out, just about where Lancelot’s knee was, Gwaine sucked in a breath.
The boy looked awful, with pale skin and watery eyes. His hair was up at all angles and he had a familiar set of ears that poked out beneath his locks. It- it couldn’t be.
“Do you know where my Mum is?”
Arthur lowered his sword, his face making it clear he came to the same otherworldly conclusion that Gwaine had. Lancelot, the saint, bent down to the child’s level with wide eyes.
“Merlin?”
The boy nodded, looking from Lancelot to the rest of the men. His blue eyes got comically wide - well, it would’ve been funny, if he hadn’t looked utterly petrified.
“Are you gonna make me sleep forever, like Will’s mum?” His voice trembled and tears flooded his face at such a speed Gwaine could not fathom. Hell, he couldn’t even fathom the fact that this child was Merlin!
“No, Merlin,” Lancelot tried to soothe, putting his hands up in surrender. He threw a glare at the knights, who instantly lowered their swords and simultaneously placed their hands up in a similar fashion.
The light was low, so Gwaine had doubts about the boy actually seeing their attempts to look less frightening. Even so, he gave a pained smile to the lad when their eyes met.
“Can you take me away from the bad men?”
Gwaine peered behind the boy and realized there were four people unconscious on the floor. He met Arthur's eyes and they nodded together, reaching an agreement about taking the child, Merlin or not, to safety. It still irked Gwaine when he found himself communicating at such a level with his friends, but it sure was helpful.
“Of course we can, bud,” Gwaine said, bending down to meet Lancelot’s level. He flashed a winning smile before continuing, “we’re the good guys.”
The boy wiped at his face as he calmed, “the good guys?”
“The best. Knights of Camelot, in fact,” Arthur boasted, in what was probably his best I'm-talking-to-a-child voice.

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Merlin felt his stomach do a flip at the remark. Knights of Camelot?!
“No! No, I won’t go! I didn’t do anything wrong!” His voice was loud and what he hoped was stern, like his mothers when he got in trouble for sneaking out last winter. Not giving the lying men a chance, he bolted past them and ran the other direction. Will had said that if he ever was in trouble, he could probably outrun them if he tried hard enough - if Will could do it, so could Merlin.
“No, wait!”
“Merlin!”
He didn’t know how they knew his name, or why he was here, or who they were. He just wanted to be home safe in his mother’s arms. The thought caused a sob to burst out, and his first thought was to shove it down for later. His next thought was that this was very scary, so it's okay to cry.
“Merlin. We’re here to help!”
“Be careful, Merlin!”
“Leave me alone!” Merlin did his best not to touch his magic as he ran, because strangers and magic was worse than just strangers but Camelotian strangers were his worst nightmare. Even though he couldn’t see and couldn’t recall ever coming here, he felt a pull towards nature and trusted that it would lead him out.
One time, when he and Will went exploring, they ventured too far and got lost. After panicking, a few tears, and a shouting match, Merlin sat and just felt. It seemed instinctual, to reach for his safe space at home with his Mum. A connection seemed to grow as his longing for comfort grew, and soon he was standing and declaring he knew the way. Will didn’t believe him, but Merlin eventually led them out of the woods.
A similar connection was driving him now, though it wasn’t fueled by thoughts of his mother. Instead, pure fear coursed through his veins and his survival instincts were the ones leading him out.
He flew through a corridor with the speed only a child could possibly achieve, turned a corner, went up a set of stairs, and pushed hard on the door that he ran into when he hit the top.
The sound of shouts and chainmail followed him far too closely for his liking. With another shove the door gave and he stumbled out into a clearing in the woods. Nothing was recognizable, and he could’ve sworn it was fall just yesterday, but the leaves were green and the breeze wasn’t bitter but soft and warm. His body calmed a bit as he took in the nature around him; it was so full of life and he felt like he could breathe for the first time since he woke up.
Merlin was so caught up in the peaceful embrace of life that he didn’t hear the bad men clamper up the stairs and skid to a stop.
“Merlin?”
He turned quickly, taking two steps back and holding up his fists like Frederick had the one time he punched him in the face during their ‘knight training.’ His features turned as harsh as he could manage at five summers old, and he gave the man in front of him a good glare.
“Get away or else,” he tried, his voice trembling at the sight of the red capes and gleaming swords. The man he glared barked a laugh, his blonde hair shifting on his forehead. Another man, the one who had given him a smile, elbowed the laugher.
“Merlin, we’re here to help. We were taken by the bad men, too.” The tallest one in the group stepped forward, but his towering height just caused Merlin to falter back a few steps.
“Who are you?”
“We’re your friends, Merlin.” This one had been nice to him, before the reveal of their true natures. He did look nice, with a kind face and an air about him that told Merlin he was a good man. “You were taken from us. What happened?”
Merlin’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He… he couldn’t remember. The last thing that he could recall was his mother tucking him in the night before, giving a kiss to his forehead and wishing him good dreams.
“I don’t know you. I want my Mum.” Maybe if he begged, they would be more inclined to bring him home. His legs were tired of running, and he knew deep down he couldn’t last without using his magic and that was a big no. So begging it was. “Please? I’m just a kid and I didn’t do anything wrong and I just want my Mum and a story and a hug. I’ll be extra good and maybe she will even pay you! We don’t have many coins, but George’s dad fixed our door and Mum gave him eggs. Do you want some eggs, maybe?”
The men above him looked between themselves with expressions Merlin didn’t understand. He figured it was one of those adult things Mum was always telling him about.
“How about we strike a deal, hmm?” A man with curls looked nervous as he bent down to talk to Merlin, “we all can get away from this place together, get home, and then get you back to your mother?”
“A deal? Like… like when the King said the brave man can work for him if he promised to protect them? A… a trade?”
The man looked pained, before giving a brief nod. “Sure, a trade. We can give you protection, too. We’re good fighters.”
“You won’t hurt me?”
“I swear on my Mother that none of us will let any harm come to you, Merlin. We want to help.”
“We can bring you to our friend, Gaius; he knows your Mother,” the nice one explained, giving him a reassuring smile.
Merlin’s brain worked for a mention of Gaius. Not in his stories, but… oh! “Uncle Gaius? The potion man?”
A great laugh echoed through the clearing - it seemed that was his thing, this laugher. He ran a hand through his blonde hair,
“Yes, Merlin, the potion man Gaius.”
“Do we have a deal, little man?” Smiling man, as he had taken to calling him, stretched out a hand to shake. Merlin was confused by the gesture, and raised a brow at it.
“You shake his hand to seal the deal,” said the nice man gently, his smile growing. Merlin nodded and did as told. When he was done he took a step away from the men and turned around, giving the clearing a good look.
“It's just morning, so we can explore until we get to Gaius all day! I’ve never been able to be in the woods all day before, cause Mum always wants me home to help and for dinner. One time WIll and I tried to stay out all day but then I couldn’t go exploring for until three days!”
Merin paused his talking, hands on his hips, and turned his head around to the men.
“Will I get in trouble for exploring with you? I don’t want to upset my Mum, cause she’s really nice and it's mean to upset people, ‘specially when they're nice.”
Nice man shook his head and touched Merlin’s shoulder like Will used to do; like a friend. “No, you won’t get in trouble.”
Merlin shrugged, “okay. My name is Merlin, what's yours?”
“Good god, we need to get back to Camelot before I pull out my own hair,” laughy-man groaned, face palming. The others seemed to ignore him, as if used to his short temper.
“I’m Lancelot. This is Leon, Gwaine, Arthur, Percival, and Elyan.”
Merlin nodded after each name, trying to place them. “Mhm, Lancelot, Lion, Gwaine, Archer, Percival, and Ellen.”
Smiling man - no, Gwaine - let out a laugh so loud and infectious that it made Merlin giggle, too.
“Oh yes. Lion, Archer, and Ellen: brave knights of Camelot. You are never living this down.”

Chapter Text

Gwaine was pretty certain he never heard someone talk this much in his entire life. Child Merlin seemed to have an endless stream of thoughts and he conveyed all of them, walking in between him and Lancelot. He insisted on holding Gwaine’s hand, which was the most adorable thing ever and Gwaine couldn't resist those sweet baby blues.
Arthur and Leon led the way, far enough ahead to try and ignore the endless rambling but close enough just in case. Everyone else was quite taken with the boy.
“I really like these trees. I wonder what their names are. I think that one is called Gerald, and that one is Bill, that one is Esme, and that funny looking one… that can be Will! Ha! That's what he gets, for calling me skinny. I’m not even skinny, I'm just growing! Mum even said so, and told me not to worry ‘cause lots of boys are skinny before they get tall and strong. When did you get strong, Lance?”
“Oh, I dunno, Merlin. When I was fourteen, maybe?”
“I got big and strong when I was nine. Beat that, boys,” Gwaine boasted. Merlin gave him a funny look before nodding like this was acceptable.
“People grow at different times?”
“Oh yea, little man. Everyone is different,” Elyan told him, nodding. He was pretty good with kids, it seemed. Probably from being around Gwen.
“Mum says I’m not different, I'm just special.”
“Special is a good thing to be,” Percival agreed, looking down a significant amount. Gwaine was pleased this was one time his height was a disadvantage for him; big oaf deserved it for being so bloody tall.
Merlin seemed to be puzzled by this, “Dunno. It's scary, and sometimes I don't wanna be special, I just wanna be normal, like Will. Being special is hard.”
“How so?” Gwaine’s curiosity officially peaked.
“I- I can’t tell. Mum says it's a secret for only us.”
The group was quiet for a moment. Thanks to Merlin, though, they weren’t given too much time to process before he started up again.
“I’m hungry. When do you think we’ll eat? My legs hurt, too. I’m tired of walking. I ran a long time, remember? Little legs, mum says. I’m only five summers old, you know. Can we stop and play a game, maybe? We could play hide and seek or storytelling or knights or dragons or fairies!”
“Want a piggy-back ride, little man?”
Merlin paused, raising an eyebrow at Gwaine. “Huh?”
Gwaine grinned, bent down, and motioned for Merlin to get on his back. He did as told, with some direction from Elyan. Gwaine gripped his small ankles and stood, hoisting him up to a comfortable spot.
“Better?”
“Go, horsey, go!”
Gwaine spared a pained look to his mates, who all gave him the same ‘go on, you’ look in return. Traitors.
And so Gwaine found himself galloping forwards like a fool, with a child squealing on his back and holding on tight enough to nearly choke him. He ran up to Arthur and Leon, who both turned to find out what the commotion was.
“Watch out, bunny rabbits! My horsey might stomp on you!”
“Excuse me?” Arthur seemed completely baffled at the idea, but Leon stepped aside with a small smile. “Gwaine, you cannot be serious.”
“This isn’t Gwaine, archer. It's my horse, um… Hoho!”
Arthur looked greatly unimpressed. “My name is Arthur. Prince Arthur, Merlin. Remember?”
“You’re a prince?”
“Yes.”
“Cool! I’m a knight, so you have to call me Sir Merlin.”
Gwaine let out a loud laugh at Arthur’s pained face; this was the most fun he had had in ages.
“You are not a knight, Merlin.”
Merlin leaned a bit closer to Arthur, “it's pretend, duh. You’re not a prince either.”
The whisper was very loud, and Gwaine could hear the muffled laughter of the other knights as a five year old tried to explain what playing pretend was to the Prince of Camelot. Oh yes, the most fun he had had in ages indeed.

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Merlin was having a great time. His new friends played with him, let him look at their real life swords, and even agreed to tell him a bedtime story. He was pretty tired, after helping Elyan (not Ellen) gather firewood and helping Lancelot make the fire for dinner.
Percival was making some sort of stew, and Leon and Gwaine had found some berries for them. Merlin loved berries, and was extremely happy when Gwaine even offered him the rest he didn’t eat.
He sat beside the man now, watching Percival frown at the pot.
“What's wrong, Percy?”
The tall man met Merlin’s eyes, “I’m afraid I’m not quite used to cooking is all.”
Gwaine let out a laugh at that, while Arthur groaned. It might have taken him all day to catch onto the correct names, but now he was set.
“I can help!” Merlin jumped up and leaned over the pot, giving it a sniff. He then pulled a face, “oohh, that's bad.”
The men let out a chorus of laughs and groans at this declaration, but Merlin just eyed the scraps of food they gathered and had not used. He plucked up a bit of rosemary, sniffed it, and then got to work. He sat as he broke it off from its stem with practiced ease; it was his favorite thing to do with his Mum when she made biscuits.
“What’re you doing, Merlin?” Arthur seemed baffled at his actions, so Merlin lifted up a single piece to show him.
“Making it better. Mum lets me help her sometimes, ‘cause she said I gotta know how to feed myself to be a big boy.”
He added the rosemary and gestured to Percival to stir it. The man did as told without question.
Merlin glanced around, before gingerly asking, “does someone have salt, maybe? That would help.”
“We’re in the middle of the woods, mate,” Gwaine said like it was obvious. Merlin just gave him a ‘so?’ look.
“Not many spices out here, kid,” Elyan explained with a shrug. Merlin accepted this with a sigh, placing his hands on his hips and staring into the stew like it was a big problem (it was).
“Is it truly that bad?” Leon laughed a bit, causing Merlin to nod solemnly.
“Percy did his best though, so it's not his fault. Mum says if you try your hardest it's okay if you mess up, ‘cause at least you tried.”
Arthur scoffed at that, earning looks from some of the others. “What? If you try your hardest in a fight and still get stabbed it won’t still be alright.”
“He's five, Arthur,” Lancelot reminded him, frowning.
Merlin bit his lip, trying to find a good explanation. Stew forgotten about, he went and sat by Arthur. The man looked perplexed at his actions, but Merlin didn’t mind. He got funny looks a lot.
“Mum and I don’t fight, so we don’t get stabbed. One time I was hit with a sharp stick and it bled everywhere. But I still tried my hardest to make them stop, so Mum said it wasn’t my fault. Understand?”
Arthur stared at him, eyebrows furrowed. “Um, sure. Whatever you say, Merlin.”
This was enough for Merlin, who nodded and leaned his head against Arthur’s arm because boy he was tired. The sun was just starting to disappear behind the earth but it had been quite the day.
“You tired, little man?”
Merlin nodded to Gwaine across the fire. Percival handed the bowl of stew to Arthur, declaring it was done.
Arthur took a bite, made a face that looked a bit like a wince, and then handed it over to Leon on his left. Merlin watched as it got passed around the circle, each man taking a bite before passing it on.
“Is it that bad?” he questioned, sitting up a bit. “No one is gonna eat?”
“We’re just sharing, Merlin. We don’t have bowls,” Lancelot explained, taking his bite afterwards. He then went for another spoonful, and held it out for Merlin. “Your turn.”
Merlin let out a sound of protest. “I can do it! I’m not a baby.”
“Course not. It's just hot, mate,” Gwaine said with a smile. Smiling man was truly a fitting name. Merlin thought for a moment, before frowning but opening his mouth. Lancelot let out a laugh as he leaned forward to feed him.
Okay, yes, Percival was not the bestest cook. But it was nice and warm, and Merlin was happy to move out of the way for Arthur to grab the pot. He stepped towards Lancelot before promptly climbing into his lap so they could eat easier.
He leaned against the cool metal of his armor and watched the fire while he waited for his turn to eat. After the pot was passed around three times, Arthur declared it empty. Elyan got up to wash it out, and Gwaine rose to tend to the fire.
“I’m bored,” Merlin whined, flopping his arms into Lancelot. “Can we do a story?”
“What kind of story, little man?” Gwaine seemed happy to indulge him, unlike Arthur who had rolled his eyes.
“Hmm… one with a dragon. And knights and a fight!”
“I have a story about a dragon,” Arthur declared, suddenly. Merlin rose a bit, tilting his head curiously. “Leon can help me tell it.”
The pair went on to tell a story about a huge dragon and an attack on a city. They finished it with a great battle, and Leon rolled his shirt up to show Merlin a burn he had gotten from the fight.
He scrambled off of Lancelot's lap and went straight to Leon. RIght in his face he asked, “you fought a dragon?”
“We both did,” Leon answered, nodding to Arthur.
“What happened next?!”
“I killed it and everyone in Camelot was safe once again,” Arthur declared proudly. Merlin stepped away from Leon, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach.
“You killed a dragon?” he asked quietly, disturbed. “Why would you do that?”
“Because it was harming Camelot and was very dangerous. Why wouldn’t I kill it?”
“You could have asked it nicely to stop.” Merlin emphasized his point by crossing his arms over his chest and giving Arthur a glare. “It's bad to kill creatures, ‘specially magic ones.”
“Magic is illegal in Camelot, and anyone or anything who uses it is executed.” Arthur was once again unimpressed and gave Merlin a stupid look. A pout came onto Merlin’s face, and tears started to appear.
“Why? What did they do wrong? They don’t get to choose how they’re born. It's not their fault.”
“I’m not going to explain this to a child. If you don’t understand, then it's because you're too young.”
“No, you’re just mean. That's like… that's like hurting everyone who has a hard time seeing! They can’t help it, it just is! You’re a bully, Arthur.” Merlin was quite upset now, trying very hard not to cry but having a hard time.
“Excuse you?”
Lancelot stood, and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. “Sire, he’s just a child. It's been a long day and I'm sure he's tired. I’ll put him to bed; we should all get some rest anyway.”
With one last odd look at Merlin, Arthur nodded and walked away. Merlin pouted at his back, upset that one of his new friends wasn’t very nice.
“Come on, Merlin, time for bed.”
“I don't wanna!”
He stepped out of Lanceleot’s grasp and went over to Gwaine. He gripped the man's neck in a desperate attempt to stay away by clinging to someone.
“It's late, Merlin. Everyone else is going to bed too,” Lancelot tried, folding his arms over his chest. No one else had it in them to argue with the child, getting ready for bed without paying much attention.
“No! Gwaine, tell him!”
“I’m going to sleep too, little man. How about you can lay with me and look at the stars. I can show you a few constellations, if you want.”
Merlin frowned but considered, looking up to eye the stars above him. Finally, he huffed. “Fine.”
He ended up next to Gwaine, wrapped up in an arm and tucked into the knight’s cape. Gwaine pointed out a few constellations before Merlin’s eyes closed and he snuggled against the warmth of his friend.

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Gwaine was shaken awake by Leon, who informed him it was his turn for watch. Merlin was sitting beside the dying fire, half paying attention to the two.
“How longs he been up?”
“Not long. Said he wasn’t tired, but he’s been quiet.”
Gwaine nodded and rose, letting Leon get some sleep before they all had to rise again. He stretched, and then went to sit by merlin.
“How's it going, Merls?”
The kid just shrugged.
Gwaie squinted, “what's wrong?”
“I miss my Mum,” he whispered, wiping what was probably a tear from his face. Then he shivered, “and I’m cold.”
Gwaine frowned, because Merlin was tiny and could get sick if he was cold. He reached for the flint, having a go at it before cursing.
“What?” Merlin asked, watching him intently.
“I’m not very good at starting a fire, I’m afraid,” Gwaine admitted, shrugging. He tried again, but had no luck.
“Is everyone sleeping?” Merlin was quieter when he asked, looking around. Gwaine did too, confused.
“Yea, bud, everyone is asleep. Why?”
“I can make a fire, if you promise to close your eyes,” Merlin whispered, looking at him carefully. Gwaine raised a brow, but shrugged. He placed a hand over his eyes, secretly peeping through a gap. Merlin just sat there.
After a second, the fire was alight. Gwaine, spooked out his mind, scooted back with a gasp. His eyes went to Merlin, and then his world stopped.
The last reminisce of gold lingered in his eyes, and his smile was proud. It took just a second, but suddenly everything made a lot more fucking sense.
Merlin had magic.

Chapter Text

Gwaine walked behind everyone, uncharacteristically quiet. He was, for once, contemplating. It was an odd thing, accompanied by the calm day, the light breeze that shifted his hair ever so slightly, and child's laughter.
Merlin was climbing Percival like he was a tree, amusing himself despite the quiet walk back home. Everytime the kid giggled, Gwaine’s heart ached a little bit more for adult Merlin.
He could not imagine being so alone in a kingdom that hates one's very being. It would be unbearable, and Gwaine wondered how his friend managed by his lonesome.
Gwaine’s eyes traveled through his surroundings, until they settled on a grinning Lancelot. A sudden epiphany hit him so hard he stopped walking: Lancelot knew. Of course he did! They were best friends, and Lancelot always had a weird look of deeper understanding as Merlin wove a tale to cover his hind. Gwaine knew he was never at the bloody tavern!
Jealousy hit him almost as hard as his realization, and it sparked him into motion as he jogged up to Lancelot and discreetly pulled him back aways. He looked confused, but Gwaine didn’t care.
“You know, don’t you?”
Lancelot paled for a second, before feigning confusion like the prick he was. “Know what, Gwaine?”
Gwaine’s eyes darted to Merlin, clinging like a monkey from Percivals forearm. “About Merlin, Lance. Don’t play dumb.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Lancelot was many things; brave, kind, and loyal. For all his good qualities, his worst was that he couldn’t lie to save his fucking life. Gwaine squinted his eyes at the man, trying to irritate him and simultaneously intimate him.
“You are a shit liar and I can’t believe he told you!” The ‘and not me’ was obvious, but Gwaine would never say it aloud. That would be too… real.
Lancelot gave him a pained smile, giving in. “He never told me. I caught him, when he enchanted the lance to kill the griffin. I owe him my life and have been more than happy to protect his as I keep his secret. You would be smart to do the same, Gwaine.”
Okay, that hurt. Did Lancelot truly think he would ever out Merlin as a bloody sorcerer in Camelot, of all places?!
His face must have shown his feelings, because Lancelot made a face full of panic and added: “not that you would. I just-”
“No, I get it. It's… it's a deadly thing. I just can’t believe he would be so stupid. What's he even doing here?”
Lancelot’s eyes tuned in on a laughing Merlin, honing a grin fueled by pure love and admiration.
“He stays for Arthur, and Camelot. He protects us, even as it pains his very soul to do so.”
Suddenly, a lot more in Gwaine’s life made sense.
Merlin was a lot of things: stubborn, witty, and hard working. But with his gift, he just seemed all that more magical to Gwaine.
No one was to comment if his stomach did a flip at the thought of adult Merlin with gold eyes, on pain of Gwaine’s fragile temper.

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Merlin was truly having the time of his life. All day, save for a few potty breaks and one to eat, he got to play. Whether it was climbing on Percival or play fighting with Elyan or playing chase with any and all creatures that caught his attention, he was constantly going.
When the sun began to set, he was starting to yawn. They reluctantly set up camp instead of walking half the night, if only for Merlin’s little legs. He sat on Gwaine’s lap and listened to a story about a scary quest and wyverns and an old king.
As the story finished, Merlin begged for another. He liked listening to Gwaine, because he made words come to life and Merlin could practically imagine being present in his story as one of the three heroes.
“How about you tell a story, Merlin?” Leon suggested. Merlin thought for a moment, before he jumped up with new found energy.
“I got one! Can I tell it like Will tells scary stories? Pleaseeeeee?!”
“Go ahead, Merlin. Just stop being whiney,” Arthur answered, sighing. Merlin grinned, and walked across the fire to be able to see all his friends. Will always told stories with wild gestures, while walking and acting it all out; he thought his new friends would enjoy a tale like that, too.
“What kind of story will it be?” Elyan raised a brow at him from beside Arthur, grinning.
Merlin brought a finger to his chin to think, just as Lancelot finished setting up their meal over the fire and sat back to listen. “Do you want a fun story or a scary story or… or a love story?”
The men all gave a laugh at the last bit, which just encouraged Merlin even more.
“How about a love story, little man. Let's hear all about your girlfriend.” Percival wiggled his eyebrows like a fool, and Merlin giggled.
“I don’t have a girlfriend, I only have Will! Duh.”
“Well tell us anyway, mate. You’ve got us intrigued.” Gwaine sat back, his usual smile decorating his features.
Merlin had no idea what ‘intrigued’ meant, but he wanted to get on with his story anyway. He opened his mouth to start, before pausing and standing up straight,
“Is it okay if it's a bit sad?”
A moment passed before Lancelot reached out to place a hand on his arm. “Tell us whatever you’d like, Merlin.”
Merlin nodded, and began.

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“Once upon a time, there was a girl in a cage. The hero, um… er… Erik! Yea, the hero Erik saw her and realized she was very pretty. He looked around, checking for bad people, and let her go!”
Gwaine watched as Merlin walked around the fire animatedly, like he was a herald telling a tale. It was odd but fun, watching the wee boy share his story. It was surprisingly detailed for a boy’s imagination, and Gwaine was hooked.
“...he brought her candles so she could see, and a blanket to stay warm. Then, he sneaked her food! She was very quiet and scared, so he talked with her a bit. ‘Hi, I’m Erik.’ And she said ‘why did you save me, Erik? I’m a monster.’ And so Erki gave her a good look, because he had met a lot of monsters and wanted to see if she was right. She wasn’t! ‘No, you’re just like me,’ he said to her. And they became friends!”
Merlin changed his voice as he acted out his story, which made the group laugh. His
the voice couldn’t go all that deep but he tried still, and it was all the more amusing for it.
“Erik brought the pretty lady more food, and then one day a flower. But they had to hide still, because the bad guy, um… Harry, was looking for her! He was gonna make her sleep forever, like Mum’s parents. Erik was very careful, because he liked the girl very much. One night as they talked, they realized they liked each other - more than friends!”
Gwaine let out a laugh, getting insight from the child on how he views love. Merlin’s
demeanor suddenly changed, though, as he paused before continuing.
“They were going to run away together. To a place with some cows, and mountains,
and a nice lake. Erik brought the girl a dress so they could sneak out and leave that place forever. But when Erik went to go see her that night, she was gone! The girl was cursed to turn into a beast every night, and she didn’t tell Erik. He went to go find her, and instead ran into the beast!”
He told the story with so much emotion that Gwaine could feel it, and was genuinely wondering how this would end. Merlin was still more sad than before, but he still stuck to his storytelling antics and gestures.
“Erik was going to bring her to safety, but the knights came and he had to hide. Then… then they stabbed her.”
The emotion in that last sentence was nearly tangible, and the whole clearing seemed to pause as a tear fell down Merlin’s face. Gwaine shared a concerned look with his knights, but Lancelot’s… Lancelot’s was pained. It was as if he had heard this story before, and knew the pain first hand. Gwaine was reluctant to let himself wonder if it was a possibility.
“Erik tried to save her, when she was human again. She told him the truth, that she was all alone and cursed to be a monster, but he still loved her. He took her to a magical lake to heal her, but it was too late. She- she died, and Erik lost his true love forever.”
Silence. All that was heard was the crackling of the fire, and Merlin’s sniffles. Then he wiped his face and blinked like he was coming out of a daze. He gave a small smile,
“Did you like it?”
“It was… very nice, Merlin. Good job,” Arthur replied, when no one else did. Merlin’s smile grew, and he nodded proudly. “Where did you hear that, hmm?”
“Nowhere. Just know it,” Merlin answered, shrugging. “Freya was very pretty, you know.”
And bloody hell there was that silence again. Gwaine was at a loss for words, and was beyond grateful when Lancelot cleared his throat and rose, announcing dinner was ready.
“Finally!” Merlin exclaimed, jumping in the air and scrambling to sit in between Pericval and Leon. “I’m starving.”

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After everyone ate and Merlin was sleeping in Lancelot's lap, Leon was the first to dare bring up the story.
“So that was some story, huh?”
“Part of me thinks it was real,” Elyan admitted, looking around awkwardly. “Does anyone know if adult Merlin had loved someone like that?”
Arthur scoffed, “please, Merlin doesn’t talk to girls unless it's palace staff. I’m sure it was just something he overheard at home.”
“I dunno, Arthur. Seemed really realistic,” Gwaine gave a shrug, looking to Lancelot to gauge his reaction. HIs friend was staring at Merlin’s sleeping form, however. “Lance? Do you know?”
Lancelot was real quiet a moment, before shaking his head and addressing them. “It's not my tale to tell.”
The entire group suddenly came to a startling conclusion that maybe they didn’t know Merlin as well as they thought, after all. Gwaine’s heart was hurting, but he tried to ignore it as he shrugged, feigning nonchalance.
“Let's just focus on getting him back to Gaius, yeh? Should be a quick fix, and we can ask him then.”
“Good plan, Gwaine. I’m sure all will be well soon.”
If anyone picked up on the fact that Arthur seemed to be reassuring himself, instead of the other way around, no one said anything.

Chapter Text

The remaining bit of the walk back to Camelot was spent executing a plan to get Arthur more inclined to be around little Merlin. The knights had come up with the plan, thanks to Gwaine’s genius, and proceeded to subtly task their Prince with small things:
“Sire, would you mind taking Merlin to relieve himself while we pack up camp?”
And also: “Merlin, do you want to play knights? Good lad; go to Arthur to get knighted and get a quest, okay?”
Eventually, they worked up to whispering into Merlin’s ear, instructing him to go and ask Arthur for a ride on his shoulders. At first, Arthur was reluctant.
“No, Merlin. I am not a horse. Go play elsewhere.”
Gwaine sent Merlin a signal, one they had come up with just moments before. Merlin, the little git, played his part perfectly. With the most puppy of puppy dog eyes ever, he began whining.
“Please?! You’re so tall and everyone else is boney and I wanna ride on your shoulders because it's more fun! Please, Arfur?”
Lancelot choked at the baby-voice Merlin played near the end, and Gwaine choked when Arthur actually bloody agreed. Elyan and Percival high-fived, while Leon let out a sigh that Gwaine thought conveyed ‘I am suffering, per usual, but I suppose not as bad.’
This setup served two purposes:
Arthur would most definitely have to be around Merlin for a while just in case Gaius needed time to figure it out, so he’d better get used to the kid.
Gwaine wanted a chance to be able to pull Lancelot away for them to talk. About Merlin and his secret, that is.
“So what do we do about the you-know-what?” Gwaine began, nodding his head at Lancelot to move further away from the group.
“How do you mean?”
Gwaine sighed, “how is a little kid supposed to control himself? What if someone sees, or if he gets into trouble? We gotta have his back, little baby Merlin or adult Merlin.”
Lancelot gave a thoughtful nod before taking a second to consider.
“I suppose we’ll just have to take shifts watching him, you and me. Make sure we can stop anything or help him escape, if it comes to it.”
Gwaine was stunned into silence for a moment. Lancelot, noblest of noblemen, was planning on sneaking a sorcerer out of Camelot. It was possible that Gwaine had a sudden realization that Lancelot was more loyal to Merlin than Camelot, just then. That would make two of them…
“You would be prepared to do such a thing?”
“Should it occur, yes. Merlin is my friend, and he would do the same for me no matter what.” The tone of his voice, the strength and power behind it, made Gwaine proud not only to be Lancelot’s friend, but to be Merlins. To be worthy of such loyalty was admirable, and Gwaine was glad Merlin had more than just the drunk he was to give him that.
“Alright then. How do we set about managing that then, eh?”

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Upon seeing the towering palace when they walked into the clearing, Merlin let out a very child-like yelp and felt his eyes go wider than his hands. It seemed endless, that place ahead of him. Arthur turned from where he stood beside Merlin, looking down at him with a proud grin.
“Impressive, isn’t she?”
Merlin’s brows furrowed, “who?”
Arthur’s grin faded, just a bit. “Camelot, Merlin. Are you blind?”
“He probably didn’t understand why it's a ‘she,’ Sire,” Leon spoke, eyes dancing with amusement. Merlin looked upwards again, so far that he nearly fell backwards before he caught himself.
“Oops,” he giggled, grinning. It had made his head feel all funny, to switch positions so fast.
Arthur let out a massive sigh, one mighty enough for Camelot. “At least something hasn’t changed…”
“Come on Merlin, I’ll race you!”
He didn’t have a chance to see who he was racing because he bolted towards the treeline. Merlin managed to make it before anyone else, and turned to boast at the losers. Gwaine was just a step beside him, grinning like a mad man.
“Well done, mate. You’re speedy for a little one.”
Merlin stuck out his tongue.
“Let's get to Gaius, Gwaine. We don’t need any more distractions.”
“Yes, princess.”
Gwaine grabbed Merlin’s hand and they began to lead the way, or at least Gwaine did. Merlin had no idea where he was going, but he enjoyed seeing all the bright leaves and feeling the sun as it peaked through the gaps between them.
“Gwaine?”
“Yes, Merlin?”
“What's wrong with me?”
Gwaine halted, looking immensely confused. “What?”
Merlin pulled him to keep walking, because he liked to do things and felt uncomfortable just standing there.
“Why do I need to go to Gaius?”
“Oh!” Gwaine let out a laugh, shaking his head. “Just gotta give you a checkup, little man. No biggie.”
“What's a checkup?”
“Er… Elyan, what’s a checkup?” Gwaine looked back to his friend, who gave him an odd look. “For Merlin, I mean. What’s Gaius gonna do?”
“Oh, I dunno.” Elyna shrugged, and then looked to Percival. “Do you know?”
Percival shook his head.
“Lancelot? Leon? What’s Gaius gonna do during his check up for Merlin?”
The silence that greeted the group made Merlin falter in his steps. His lower lip began to wobble as his nerves grew, which made him more upset because he was a big boy and he shouldn’t be scared because his new friends would protect him. Merlin pulled his hand out from Gwaines to cross his arms over his chest, trying to soothe the ache that was forming there.
“Hey, it’s all okay, Merls. I bet Arthur knows, since he’s the Prince.” Gwaine picked Merlin up, and took a step over to where Arthur was. “Can you explain what Merlin here can expect when he gets to Gaius?”
“How am I supposed to know?”
Gwaine frowned, hoisting Merlin up a bit higher on his hip. “You’re the prince.”
Arthur gave Gwaine a dead stare, before he made eye contact with Merlin and saw his frown. “He’ll check your heart, and your breathing, and your head. Make sure you see straight and everything. It’s easy, don’t worry.”
“That's it?” Merlin asked, cheering up a bit. He looked to Gwaine for confirmation, and he nodded. “Okay, I guess…”

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Gwaine still held little Merlin as they made their way through the citadel. They got their usual greetings, and no one dared comment on the wide-eyed child that gobbled up every bit of detail he could as they traveled to the castle.
“Leon, Elyan, Pericval, and Lancelot go get some rest, and if anyone sees Guinivere ask her to meet Gwaine and I at Gaius’s.”
“Would you like a report, Sire?”
Ah Leon, the bane of Gwaine’s existence as a knight. Gwaine loathed doing reports. Leon definitely saw the eye roll Gwaine had to offer, but ignored it as usual.
“If you would. I’ll see you all later.” With a jerk of his head Gwaine followed the Prince and hoisted Merlin up a bit higher before hitting the stairs.
“How many people live here?” Merlin asked, not even stopping his ogling to look at Gwaine when he did so.
“Dunno, mate. Loads of people.”
“How many?”
Gwaine paused, sucking on his teeth as he tried to estimate. Arthur was on a mission to get to Gaius as fast as humanly possible, so he was out of asking range. Gwaine settled with his best guess:
“At least a hundred.”
Merlin nodded like this was his thought, too. “How many stones are in the castle?”
Bloody hell how was he supposed to know? Gwaine held back a baffled laugh,
“Probably a million.”
Another nod from Merlin, who still eyed everything even as they entered a smaller corridor.
“How many knights?”
“A lot - an army’s worth. Why?”
“Why do you need an army?” Merlin’s blue eyes finally settled on Gwaine, curious and bright as ever. Well, possibly more than normal. Gwaine pointedly ignored the ache in his chest as he thought about the dullness that entered his friends life as he grew. Was that because of life's tolls, his magic, or something more?
“Why, Gwaine? To fight bad guys?”
Gwaine smiled, “yes, Merlin. We fight bad guys.”
“Why?”
Now Gwaine frowned, turning a corner and heading up the spiral steps that led to their goal. “Because they’re bad, mate.”
“But why?”
Thankfully, Gwaine was saved from an endless stream of questions as they finally entered Gaius’s chambers. The knight didn’t think he’d ever felt more relieved.

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Merlin wiggled for Gwaine to put him down so he could observe the infinite amount of colorful things in this new place. Being a potion man must be really fun, because there was loads of stuff everywhere that Merlin wanted to touch and examine. The adults were talking as he made his way around slowly.
His eyes settled on a book with a monster on it, and he immediately opened it. He let out a little noise of excitement as he picked it up, sat a bench nearby, and placed it on whatever surface was available. The pictures were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen in his entire five years.
“Are you enjoying that, Merlin?”
At the question Merlin looked up, eyes meeting with an old man. He looked both puzzled and amused all at once. Merlin simply nodded and went back to looking at a winged creature with a beak like a bird.
“Merlin, can I look you over? You can read afterwards, if you’d like.”
“Hmm,” Merlin answered, not registering the words. He turned the page, and proceeded to stand up on the bench in his excitement. “Woah! Look at this one, Gwaine! It's huge! Have you fought one before? What was it like? Was it nice? DId it have big scary teeth?!”
Gwaine gave him a broad grin and grabbed under his arms to pick him up.
“I will tell you all about it if you sit and do as Gaius says.”
“Okay!” He was set upon a cot and he swung his legs off the edge. It was like this place was familiar and safe, because he seemed to have more energy and the place seemed to fuel his very being. Gaius bent down to meet his eyes.
“How are you feeling, Merlin? Any pain or odd sensations in your head?”
The potion man poked and prodded at his body, getting a reaction from his knees and tilting his head side to side.
“Nope! Feel great. My legs hurt yesterday, but Lancelot said that's because I ran for a long time. And my head was all fuzzy when I was in that cell with the bad guys, but Percival said I was okay and just scared. What's that?”
He pointed at a long plant that hung from the ceiling and draped itself over the window like fabric.
“It's a plant, Merlin. Answer Gaius’s questions,” Arthur said sternly. Merlin listened, because Gaius was checking his ears and it felt funny.
“Can you lift your shirt up for me, Merlin?”
Merlin made a face, because that was an odd thing to ask. He didn’t see a bath around, and why else would he take his clothes off?
Gaius seemed to see his confusion. “I want to check your breathing, so I need to feel your ribs and lungs. Come on, my boy.”
Gaius tugged at the hem of his shirt, and Merlin suddenly felt sick to his stomach with unease. He jumped to his feet, standing tall on the cot. After crossing his arms over his chest, he glared.
“No!”
“Merlin, listen to Gaius.”
Merlin aimed his glaring at Arthur now, his anxiety building from seemingly nothing. “No! I’m fine and you don’t need to see!”
Gwaine went to reach for him and all Merlin could do was panic. HIs mind was screaming at him to run and hide and his heart was beating so fast he worried it would fall right out of his chest.
With one final yell of protest, Merlin jumped down, ran around the adults, and right out the door. It didn’t matter that the book was cool or his friends promised to keep him safe; there was no way they could see, and the worry consumed Merlin like an inferno.

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Gwaine looked at his companions in complete confusion as Merlin ran from the room. Gaius seemed at a loss for words, and Arthur looked to be in shock.
Being the only one not confused into a state of idleness, Gwaine took off running after the kid.
It took about ten minutes and lots of “seen a kid come through here?” to finally spot him. He was knocking loudly at Lancelot’s door, tears streaming down his face.
Gwaine thanked whoever was listening that the hallway was empty, and thanked them again when Lancelot finally opened the door. The man seemed to take in the situation with immense concern before opening the door wide and ushering Merlin inside. Gwaine made his way in quickly, shutting the door behind him.
Merlin climbed up on the bed and hugged his knees, sniffing. Lancelot bent down beside him, very confused and worried.
“What happened, Merlin?”
“I can’t take it off! They can’t see.”
Lancelot glanced at Gwaine, who shrugged.
“Gaius asked him to take off his shirt and he bolted.”
Merlin looked up at Gwaine and scrambled back against the wall.
“No!”
“I won't force you to do anything, Merlin. It's okay, mate.”
“No…”
“Merlin, what happened?”
Merlin wiped his nose with his arm, “Gaius wanted me to pull up my shirt, and then I left.”
Gwaine was more lost than ever, but shut his mouth and let Lancelot handle the situation.
“Why did you leave?”
Merlin shrugged, and pulled a confused face. “My tummy said so. And my heart went fast and then I was here.”
Lancelot climbed up to sit beside the boy and wrapped an arm around him. Merlin instantly seemed to melt into the touch and Gwaine wanted nothing more than to be in Lancelot’s spot, snot and all.
“Can I see, Merlin?”
The boy glanced up at Gwaine, and shook his head. Gwaine packed up his pride, for his friend.
“I’ll turn around, Merls.” Gwaine did just that, and tried his best not to peek. There was some shuffling, and little gasp, a giggle, and then Lancelot’s voice.
“See you’re all safe, Merlin. You can turn around now, Gwaine.”
Gwaine turned, and saw Merlin gaping at his pale stomach. HIs ribs were a bit pokey, but Gwaine already knew he was small. Gwaine reached forward and poked his belly button, getting a great laugh in return.
“Can we head back to Gaius now, little man?”
Merlin considered, but didn’t reply until he got a reassuring nod from Lancelot.
“Can I get a piggy back ride?”

Chapter Text

Arthur was truly at his wits end with Merlin. Not that it was the kids fault, or even actual Merlin’s fault, but he didn’t know if he could be civil much longer because the kid never shut up. The constant streams of questions or whining or stories that were oddly specific for a five year old were driving him mad.
He had never been more proud of himself than when he nobly did not strangle the child for running away. Gwaine came back with Merlin’s hand in his and both of them refused to explain; baffling, really, considering the amount of words the two of them usually spat out at any given moment.
Truth was, Arthur missed normal Merlin. He’d never say it aloud but the way back without the teasing and weird wise words and just his friends overall precise made him realize his life was much more dull and ten times more princely without the insolent clotpole.
“He’s in perfect health, Sire. To be quite frank, I have no idea what has happened or how. I shall look into it. In the meantime…” Gaius looked over to where Merlin was standing on the cot, waving his arms in the air like he was a poor excuse for a bird and cawing loudly at Gwaine. The knight just grinned and cawed back, like an idiot.
Arthur ran a hand over his face, picking up what the old man was putting down; he could not find a cure and look after a five year old. And neither could Arthur, considering he was a prince and not a governess.
After a few seconds of careful and truthfully selfish thinking, Arthur hid a smirk (poorly).
“Sir Gwaine, you seem to have taken quite the liking to young Merlin here,” he began. Gwaine barely spared his sovereign a look as he nodded, which just made Arthur more pleased to continue:
“Perfect. You’ll be in charge of looking after him until he can get him back to normal. Consider yourself officially off duty, minus training, and make sure my father never sees or hears him.”
Gwaine spared Arthur a look now, one that read ‘you’ve got to be bloody kidding’ with a hint of ‘off duty? Truly?!’
“I hate to break it to you, Princess, but I don’t know how to take care of a child.”
Arthur did consider this, but then threw it aside. The knights had done plenty well with him so far, and surely they would help. When he said such a thing, Gwaine just sighed.
“Guess it's gonna be you and me for a while, little man. Should we collect your things?”
Merlin stopped his arm waving and tilted his head to the side. It was such a normal Merlin thing to do that Arthur found himself frowning. Then he smiled, just a bit, because maybe it was cute to see a five year old with such facial expressions. Not that children were cute.
“What things? I just gots me.”
Gwaine paused, as if he didn’t realize this was true. Then he just shrugged, “we’re gonna have a sleepover. Gotta get some bedding, yea?”
Arthur didn’t have much time to see the excitement on Merlin’s face, as Gwen appeared behind him like a wraith. The pretty kind, though; not the scary oh my god this is the end oh ew its ugly kind.
“Is that who I think it is?”
Arthur replied with a sigh and a nod, which seemed to portray all that the girl needed.
She gave a little head tilt, examining the kid. “He's cute.”
“He's a menace to society and I have given all child care duties to Gwaine for the sake of my sanity.”
Gwen laughed, “I’m sure he’s been an angel. Do you need any help getting him settled?”
Arthur was very thankful for everything Gwen was, but mostly for her ability to always know exactly what he was thinking. It was frightening, at first, but now it was a blessing.
“Some clothes would be nice. We can use his bed things here, and I’m sure he’ll find something to play with somewhere. Mostly I need help keeping him away from my father.”
“And a replacement for his duties,” Gwen noted, nodding. She was close to taking over for the Steward, so she was probably already thinking of ways to reassign the right people. “Any requests on who?”
“Anyone but George, please.”
Gwen gave him a knowing smile. It would’ve turned into a kiss, probably, had Merlin not startled them both out of looking into each other's eyes.
“A dragon!” He exclaimed, jumping down the stairs from his room. He was holding up a wooden carving like it was the most extraordinary thing he’d ever seen.
“Yes, Merlin, we can see what it is. No need to shout.”
“Arthur, be gentle.” Gwen walked over to Merlin and knelt down to examine the carving with extreme care and ease. “It's very lovely, Merlin.”
“His name is… Kilgharrah! Hello, I’m a dragon, who’re you?” His dragon voice was the opposite of whatever Arthur would have imagined a dragon to sound like, much higher and flowy and fun. Dragons were not flowy and fun, they were dangerous and terrifying.
“Hello, Kilgharrah. My name is Gwen. It's nice to meet you.”
Merlin let out a very evil laugh, for a five year old. “Mwahahaha, it's not nice to meet you, it's nice to eat you! Rawr!”
He bumped Gwen’s nose with the dragon and she dutifully fell back, exclaiming to display her shock.
“I am mighty and will fly everywhere!”
Arthur did not care what the little wooden dragon was proclaiming. All he wanted was to flop down face first into his bed and stay there for a good long while in silence.
As Merlin flew around and Gwen giggled, Arthur gave Gwaine a nod that was as much a thank you as it was a dismissal.
“I’ll be in my chambers. If anyone needs me, I’m not there.”

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Merlin followed Gwaine dutifully through the castle, holding his dragon proudly. His new friend carried his bed things and sleep clothes, as well as a book that Merlin had insisted be read to him before bed.
He’d never had a sleepover before, back at home. It was such an exciting thing he rarely had time to contemplate missing his mother. The pair dodged a servant carrying trays of yummy smelling food and Merlin was suddenly so hungry he began to pout.
“I’m hungry,” he said aloud, realizing Gwaine couldn’t see how upset he was.
“We’ll get some food once we get there, mate.”
“How much longer?”
“Just a minute. How's your dragon fairing on this long journey?”
Merlin peered at the wood, trying to gauge its wellbeing. Then he shrugged,
“He's alright. Be better if he could eat, though…”
“Ah, don’t want to make him mad I’ll bet.”
“Why?”
“He’ll end up eating me, of course!”
Merlin giggled as he walked, and then Gwaine pushed open a door. It led to an area with a bed, a small table, a cabinet, and a place for a fire. Merlin thought it was lovely and immediately went to sit on the bed.
“Are you tired already?” Gwaine set his things down on the table before sitting down beside him. “What about our fun sleepover?”
Merlin lay back dramatically and threw his arm over his eyes. His stomach roared like a battle cry, perfectly timed with his dramatic flair.
“Too hungry to have fun.”
“I’ll send for some food. You’re trouble, you know that?”
“Nah, I’m Merlin.”
Gwaine sighed as he stood, and proceeded to stick his head out the doorway and say something to whoever was out there. Merlin didn’t care, he just wanted some food. So did Kilgharrah.
“Let's get you changed, eh?”
“No, thanks.”
“Merlin. We both have to change before the fun can begin; you have to be in pajamas for a proper sleepover.” Gwaine had his hands on his hips like Mum sometimes did, when she was trying to convince him of something. It worked just as well now as it did with her.
“You do?”
“Yes. I would know, because I’ve had many sleepovers. Now come, you, and let's get you changed. You stick.”
“I do not!”
“Hate to break it to you, little man, but you smell like a pig.”
“You look like a pig!”
Gwaine just laughed, and Merlin was reminded pleasantly of Will.

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Gwaine sat with Merlin as he ate, making sure he didn’t inhale it and actually chewed. He played knights and dragons with him, always losing so Merlin could win. He made Merlin’s bed, but then he gave in and said they could share.
Gwaine’s sleepover tonight reminded him far too much of being with his lost sister, instead of a night out with Merlin. It wasn’t a difference he much appreciated. At least Merlin was more talkative, which let conversations drive out the grief that he felt.
When he went to tuck the boy in, instinct had him kissing Merlin’s forehead. He pulled away like it had burnt him, but Merlin just smiled a bit more.
“G’night, Gwaine.”
A knock on the door had never been so enticing in Gwaine’s entire life. He opened it and let Lancelot in, making sure to shush him thoroughly.
“How’d it go?”
“Perfect. He's much more playful than adult Merlin, but his brain’s nearly the same.” It was the way he described things, or was able to use his imagination to see things Gwaine couldn’t have thought of that reminded him less of his sister and more of his friend. Thank the heavens for Merlin’s endless chatter, honestly.
“I spoke with Gaius, and he’s at a loss.” Lancelot gave Merlin’s sleeping form a quick glance before he continued, “I think we should try to druids.”
Gwaine stared at Lancelot for a second, reading the seriousness and the fear that laid beneath his eyes.
“Okay. What do we tell Arthur?”
“The truth. Gaius said he would recommend it in the morning, so we could get there by mid-afternoon. I… I worry they’re out only hope beyond Merlin himself.”
“Merlin himself?”
Lancelot paused like he was backtracking, and then sighed like he decided against it.; he was probably not used to the openness of Merlin.
“He downplays it, but he's very powerful. If the druids cannot help we might have to tell him what's happening and see if he can do something to himself. I know he's done changes to his appearance before, but it's never affected his mind.”
Gwaine pulled a face, but Lancelot just shook his head.
“Not my story to share.”
“Alright, then. We wait for Gaius and ask the druids, then.”
Lancelot gave a nod and then his eyes were back to Merlin. Something like sadness resided there, as he watched him sleep. Gwaine couldn’t place where it came from, and let himself assume it was a wish that the druids had answers.
If they didn’t, Gwaine didn’t know what he’d do.
After another nod and a pat on the shoulder Lancelot was gone, and Gwaine was left to stare at the fire Merlin had started with his magic. His feelings began to stir from the place he had shoved down, as they always did when he was alone with his thoughts.
He liked Merlin. Adult Merlin, that is. Little Merlin was cute and fun and definitely an adventure, but Adult Merlin was Gwaine’s friend. More than a friend, in Gwaine’s deepest dreams and desires. It felt wrong to spend time with Merlin like this instead of romantically. He didn’t know if he could bear sharing a bed with him when Merlin was so blissfully unaware of everything. It felt wrong to be feeling these things.
Everything was wrong and Gwaine just wanted some ale and a distraction that came with no strings and no heartache. Gwaine just wanted normal Merlin, even if they were just friends and even if that was all they were ever allowed to be.

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Merlin was excited to go on another adventure. There were horses this time, and he got to share with whoever he wanted. He had spent the morning with Gwaine and Gaius the potion man, and then Arthur and Lancelot came in for a while but they were just adult-talked so Merlin looked at Gaius’s cool books.
Now, all of his new friends stood in front of him and awaited an answer.
“Any day now, Merlin,” Arthur said, hands on his hips. Sitting with him would probably mean having to be quiet, so that was a no.
His eyes went to Leon next, who tilted his head ever so slightly. His back was straight and his armor was shining right in Merlin’s eyes, making him only think of knighthood. This led to questions about knighthood, and Merlin figured Leon was a good pick to answer those questions.
Plus, he liked his curls. They reminded him of his neighbor’s baby’s doll, and he wanted to ask why he got curls and no one else.
Merlin pointed at Leon in a way that felt declarative and important, widening his stance and raising his chin.
“Are you sure you want to ride with Leon, Merls? He’s kinda a buzzkill,” Gwaine said, giving Leon a good smirk.
Merlin just shook his head, “he's a knight.”
There was a pause, and the men all looked at each other.
“We’re all knights, Merlin,” Elyan told him softly, looking confused. Merlin knew this, of course, but he couldn’t very well explain that he thought Leon was the best knight without sounding rude.
“But he has curls,” Merlin insisted, pointing upwards to them. “I wanna know why.”
“You know what? Let's get going before a never ending stream of questions keeps us here until death.” Arthur turned and mounted his horse, promoting the others to do the same. Merlin let Percival pick him up and be placed on Leon’s mare, because getting up looked hard and the horses were tall.
“What's your horse's name?”
“Alvina. Do you like her?” Leon’s voice was calming, and Merlin’s thoughts seemed to slow as he listened to him.
“She's pretty. Do you have more horses?”
“Just the one, and she’s not really mine but Camelots.”
Merlin nodded, because it felt right to nod there even if he didn’t really understand. They were quiet for a while, just riding. They rode behind Arthur and in front of the rest, so Merlin got a good view of the town and the trees on their way out.
Once Merlin remembered why he wanted to sit with Leon in the first place, the questions began.

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They walked to the druid camp after tying the horses nearby, and Merlin held Lancelot’s hand. He was eerily quiet, seeming to observe much of his surroundings with caution.
“Hello, Knights of Camelot.”
Gwaine nearly pissed himself as a man in orange robes appeared out of thin air to his right, and half his friends pulled their swords out. The druid raised his arms in surrender.
“I wish you no harm. I am only curious as to why you have come.”
Swords went away but hands stayed on hilts, as Arthur stepped ahead of the group. Gwaine kept an eye on Merlin and Lancelot, seeing Merlin’s eyes wide and curious.
“Our friend was turned into a child by magic users. We need answers on how to turn him back.”
He beckoned Lancelot forward, who took Merlin with him. The druid eyed Merlin like he was amused, and Gwaine gripped his hilt a bit harder.
“Hello,” Merlin said, giving the man a small smile. “What's your name?”
“I’m afraid it is not my name that matters,” the druid spoke. Gwaine hated the way he spoke, like it was an inside joke they should all know. “How old are you?”
“This many,” Merlin announced proudly, holding up his free hand. “Mum says that it means I’m nearly a big boy.”
The druid laughed, “indeed. Can you swim?”
Merlin shook his head slowly. “One time Frank tried to see if I could and he threw me in the pond but I couldn’t so he laughed and called me a big baby. But Will can! He came and got me and said he could teach me but I said no because it was scary.”
And if that wasn’t enough of Merlin’s casual confessions for the rest of Gwaine’s life! Bloody hell.
“You must go to the lake of Avalon. The waters are magical, and will undo the curse set upon him.”
“Curse? Why would someone curse Merlin?” Gwaine was confused because what but also because he thought curses were awful things like frogs in your throat or bugs in your ears not… not age regression?
“The answers you seek are there. I must be on my way.”
“Thank you for your help,” Arthur got in, right before the man escaped into the brush. “Even if it was very odd…”
“How far is that lake from here”? Percival asked, as unaware of the proximity of it as Gwaine was.
“Not far,” Leon said. He looked up, eyed the sun, and turned himself in what Gwaine guessed was the direction of the lake. He had no idea how Leon had pulled that out of his ass but he followed the man’s gaze anyway. “Shouldn’t be long on horseback.”

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Leon’s idea of not far was painfully inaccurate, if the cramp in Gwaine’s hand from holding the reign was anything to go by. The sun was nearly set when the horses finally slowed, and Gwaine was grateful Elyan had gotten Merlin to nap on the way; it would be late by the time they got back to Camelot, so it's best he slept now.
They dismounted quietly, tied the horses, and stepped out from the treeline to eye the lake in all its beauty.
“Quite the sight,” Gwaine noted, watching the stillness of the water. It was clear and beautiful and if it weren’t for the magic coursing through it Gwaine might have been inclined to take a swim.
“Merlin, are you ready?” Arthur asked, clearly wanting to get this over with.
“What for?”
“Just to step into the lake, is all,” Lancelot told him, bending down. “I can go with you, if you’d like.”
Merlin observed the lake as he bit his lip, and then looked to Lancelot. He gave a nod,
“Can you carry me? I don’t wanna go under.”
“Sure, Merlin. Clothes off, so we don’t get them wet.”
Gwaine looked away as Lancelot helped Merlin out of his clothes, and saw Arthur glaring at the lake.
“Afraid it's gonna splash you, Princess?”
“I don’t like the idea of putting him in a magic infested lake.”
“The druid said it would fix him,” Percival reminded him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “They only wish to help.”
And Percival would know, growing up around them. Arthur gave a nod but didn’t seem all that much happier with the situation. As Gwaine watched Elyan help Lancelot out of his armor, he understood Arthurs fear. Maybe it would help, but maybe it would just set his age in stone forever.
The risk was too great not to voice. “What if it makes him permanently five?”
The chilling quiet gave Gwaine the impression no one had thought of that.
“It's the only hope we have right now,” Lancelot tried, picking Merlin up. He went to step into the water, but Arthur ut out an arm to stop him.
“We need to consider every option.”
“Arthur-”
“The water will get rid of the curse, Arthur Pendragon.”
It didn’t matter how pretty the girl in the water was; Gwaine was already tired of being spooked by beings that just appeared.

Chapter Text

The girl gave the knights an amused smile, as if she weren’t translucent and standing on water and didn’t appear out of nowhere. Gwaine placed his hand on the hilt of his sword in time with his friends, and stepped in front of Lancelot and mini Merlin.
“Who are you?” Arthur demanded, taking a step closer to the group and pulling his sword out in one swift motion.
“I am the Lady of the Lake, gatekeeper of Avalon. And you are Arthur Pendragon, Knights of Camelot, and you’re here to reverse the curse set upon young Merlin.”
“How’d you know all that?” Gwaine tossed some hair from his face, put off by the woman's - creature’s? - knowledge. Only they and the druids knew of it being a curse.
She just gave a small laugh and her smile inexplicably grew. Seriously, who was this chick?
“Come, Merlin. We’ve got to fix you so you can explain.” She held out a hand to him, and Gwaine watched Merlin take a step forward. The boy didn’t look scared or put off, just curious. Leave it to baby Merlin to walk towards a creature beckoning.
“Fix me?”
“You were cursed, Merlin. The water will make it right again.”
Gwaine looked to Arthur for instructions, only to find Arthur gaping at the Lady.
“How do I know you?”
“It's Freya, Arthur. Remember, from the story?” Merlin answered, managing to step under the gap between Gwaine’s legs and get closer to the water. “Don’t worry, I trust her.”
Gwaine was fed up with the inaction of his friends. Merlin was just a kid and this lady could be lying! He reached out a hand to stop him, but Merlin’s hand was already in the woman's grasp. Despite her translucent appearance, she was solid as rock - or, skin? Gwaine was at a loss.
The knights were unspeaking yet prepared for a fight as they watched the pair take a few steps out into the lake. Gwaine's mind was running through every possible situation and every way to get everyone out safely. Half of him was tempted to rush into the lake and snatch Merlin away, while the other was content to trust Merlin and his oddities. He had magic, after all, so maybe he just knew of magical things such as this.
It would be great if he were here to bloody explain, right about now.
The Lady coaxed Merlin further into the water, having him bend down. It was like Gwaine couldn’t pull his attention away from their actions, as she cupped some water and poured it over his head ceremoniously.
One second Merlin was tiny, water blurring his features, and the next there was a golden glow that blinded Gwaine. He gasped, not alone in his reaction, and immediately looked back to find a grown man standing where kid-Merlin was.
Gwaine let out a relieved laugh that echoed along the lake like a breeze. Merlin was blinking away water droplets and staring up at the girl in a daze, but it was Merlin.
Merlin! His friend who he felt for and adored and Merlin who… who had scars running up and down his body like artwork? Gwaine, eyes wide and unbelieving, glanced at the others to gauge their reactions. It seemed he was not alone in his unawareness, and that made it all so much worse.

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“Freya?”
His lost love gave him a great smile that had his knees wobbling. Was he dead? How did he get here? Why was he even here, with her? What happened?!
“Do not panic, Merlin. You were cursed, and I washed it away.” Freya reached out to brush the dripping hair from his face lovingly. A sad smile was painted on her features as they took each other in.
He could get lost in those eyes of hers, with the cool touch of her hand resting on his shoulder. He could have stood there for eternity, lost in that moment with her.
“You must go, my love. Your friends await you, and your explanations.”
Merlin was snapped out of his love filled daze so violently it was like a bone being snapped in half. His smile fell from its place and he was suddenly aware of his bare chest being kissed by the sun. He turned his head to find Arthur and the knights on the shore, staring at him with so much confusion and emotion Merlin was tempted to swim away and hide himself under the water forever.
“Don’t be scared, Merlin. You have good friends, and they are lucky to have you.”
It didn’t take much to have Merlin’s eyes back on Freya’s face. Her hand fell from its place on his shoulder and she began to dim.
“No,” he whispered, reaching out to touch her face. She was here and she was real and-
His hand fell through the air as Freya disappeared. For a moment Merlin just stood there, heartbroken all over again. He was stripped bare in front of the knights, and he had no choice but to come clean. Even if it meant… even if they never ever forgave him and he had to leave.
There was no going back now.
“Merlin?” Lancelot called out to him, taking a step into the water and looking so concerned it made Merlin feel sick. Or maybe it was the anxiety of having to explain his now exposed scars, and Freya, and his deadly monstrous magic.
Probably both.
“Are you there, Merls?”
Merlin forced himself out of his head, if only for the desperation in Gwaine’s voice. As he stepped closer to shore he was flooded with the memories of the past few days. He walked and he blinked, processing and wondering and holy shit-
At least Gwaine already knew. At least it was one less betrayal he had to make, right at this very moment. Maybe it would be easier to forgive him, now that Gwaine had had some time.
He made it to shore and shivered, his soaked pants clinging to his legs like he wished he could cling to a peaceful oblivion.
“Merlin… what-” Arthur shook his head, obviously distraught.
“I know. I have a lot to explain and I will. Just give me a moment to think. I need to… I need to find the right words.”
“Let's get you dry, too,” Lancelot added, wrapping his cloak around his shoulders. Bless him, for letting him have some time. Bless him, for being there and offering his support. Bless him, for giving up his cape to allow Merlin to hide himself away.
“We can set up camp here for a bit; the King doesn’t expect us back until tomorrow,” Leon said. They all looked to Arthur for confirmation. Once he nodded, Merlin allowed himself to be sat down on the shore. Lancelot and Percival went away to get firewood while Leon and Elyan grabbed the supplies from the horses. Arthur sat a distance away from Merlin, and Gwaine right beside him.
“You okay?” He was quiet but strong, a stable anchor for Merlin’s panic.
Merlin considered lying, but then scoffed. Not so great to start off a night of confession with a lie, is it?
“No, not really.”
Gwaine nodded, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Merlin felt tears prick his eyes and he willed them away, not allowing himself the relief of tears just yet. He’d need that later.
“Thank you,” Merlin whispered, releasing a shutting breath.
“Whatever for?”
“Everything.” Being there despite the truth, caring for him knowing it, staying with him now, when he needed it.
Gwaine looked at him a moment, before giving him a smile that broke a bit of Merlin’s heart. A swirl of excitement was added to the mix of his anxious stomach, and it was so startling it forced Merlin to look away. Now was… it was not the time to even consider anything of the sort. He didn’t even know if he’d be allowed that pleasure, after tonight.
“Merlin?” Arthur called to him from his spot by the newly lit fire. It seemed as dire as it always was, Arthur’s calling.

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Gwaine let Merlin sit where he pleased before taking the spot beside him. He was at an utter loss for words, with the extent of the scars and the pain behind Merlin’s eyes. It was almost too much to bear, watching him interact with the girl - Freya.
His love story, then, must be fact and not as much fiction as little Merlin had conveyed. It hurt, to be left out of such details. And it hurt to know how much it had to have pained Merlin, too.
“I don’t know how best to explain,” Merlin admitted. “But I want your word that you let me get all the way through before you interrupt or pass judgment or ask questions.”
Gwaine gave a nod, and watched as the rest of the men did similarly.
Merlin fidgeted with the end of Lancelot’s cape, giving away his fears. Gwaine, without a second to think it through, grabbed his hand and held it firmly with his own. They were in this together, no matter what.
Merlin’s grateful smile was worth any anxiety received from the action, or the odd look from Arthur.
“Did you know that some people don’t choose to practice magic?”
Gwaine tilted his head, unaware of the fact. By the baffled looks on most everyone’s faces, neither did they. Save for Lancelot and Percival, none of them really knew much about magic beyond its threat.
“Some people are born with it. They’re warlocks. We are, I mean. I’m a warlock. Mum says my eyes were glowing when I was born, and I could move things around before I could speak.”
Gwaine watched Arthur carefully. The Prince looked so shocked it would’ve normally made Gwaine laugh. But scared Merlin’s eyes were trained on the fire, and Gwaine gave him a comforting squeeze of their intertwined hands to try and convey some comfort.
“Sometimes I couldn’t control it. Weird things would happen and the village already thought I was odd because I never knew my father. No one knew, except Mum. Then one day Will found out, so she panicked and sent me to Gaius in hopes he could somehow help. I don’t know why she thought Camelot was safer than Essetir, but it was probably something about Cendred using people with magic like slaves. I dont… I dont know.
“I’ve only ever used it to help; for Camelot and for you, Arthur. Every time there was a threat or an assassin or even if you were outnumbered on patrol I was there, protecting you the only way I know how. At first I was wary, and was only protecting such a royal prat because I was told of your destiny as the Once and Future King. I was told that I was to help you get there, by protecting you and guiding you. I… Eventually I saw that you were different than your father, and you were becoming a great man. We were friends, and I couldn’t bare to lose you or be the reason all of Albion lost you. I will answer any questions, and explain as much as you’d like but I need you to know that I only ever use my magic for you and I would never ever harm you. Any of you.”
The shore of Avalon was still and silent in the wake of Merlin’s confession. Gwaine held tight onto his hand, and kept his eyes on Arthur. One wrong look, one wrong blink, and Gwaine was prepared to make a run for it with Merlin.
The quiet carried on for a few minutes, and it seemed like everyone was holding their breath as they waited for Arthur to say something.
Gwaine watched as Merlin tore his eyes away from Arthur’s form and as tears welled up and blurred the blue that was there. At the sight, all caution was thrown into the wind and Gwaine bared his teeth at the Prince,
“Say something.”
Arthur looked up to meet Gwaine's eyes, mouth open and clearly still lost in thought. Then, he switched his attention to Merlin, and the corners of his mouth tugged downwards. It wasn’t anger, or sadness, it was confusion and hurt. For now, Gwaine deemed Merlin safe enough. He backed down, turning his attention back to Merlin and moving his thumb around on the back of his hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Chapter Text

Merlin’s breath hitched at the question. It was innocent enough, except for the pain that was behind the words. He didn’t dare look anywhere but Arthur, for fear of the judgment in the other’s eyes. It might break him to see that, but he owed Arthur this.
“The punishment for magic in Camelot is death. I was scared. And then you… you became your own man. I didn’t want to make you choose between me or your father. It was cowardly, I know, but I didn’t want to have done everything I did only to ruin it all. I told myself if I could just get to a point where magic is free and the kingdom was stable, I would tell you. I- I’m sorry.”
Arthur gave a nod, even with Merlin’s shameful answer. He bit his tongue as he waited for the next response, his only comfort Gwaine’s hand in his and Lancelot’s steady presence on his other side.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Gaius. I instinctively saved him, my first day here. Sometimes my magic comes out like that, and I have no control. He’s been able to help me, with his research and such. And…”
Merlin glanced at Lancelot, who gave him a reassuring nod.
“I knew, Sire,” Lancelot confessed. Arthur wasn't given time to look hurt before Lancelot continued, “when I killed the griffin, Merlin enchanted the lance. It was never really me, and glowing blue flames wasn’t exactly subtle magic.”
“It was my first time doing that spell, you’re lucky it even worked,” Merlin replied, a small smile tugging at his lips. “But other than those two, no one.”
“And the girl?”
Merlin winced, having momentarily forgotten about them seeing Freya.
“The story I told you was truthful. I helped her escape but she was cursed to turn into the basset each night. She died here, and was made Lady of the Lake afterwards.”
Arthur gave a jerky nod, before he frowned deeper.
“I killed her.”
Merlin swallowed, “yes. But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know. And she forgives you, as do I.”
“How can you forgive me for something like that?!” Arthur was up and his hands were in the air and his voice echoed across the water and bounced on the rocks that surrounded the lake. “I killed your love! I am the son of the man who has killed your people and made you fear for your life! How can you just- how can you stay? How can you want to be my friend, or even my servant?! How- how do you do it?”
Arthur sat with the last bit, seemingly defeated. Merlin was tempted to go and comfort him, but it would require leaving the anchor that was Gwaine. The soothing circles his thumb made on his hand kept him collected and calm, able to answer questions without breaking down and getting on his knees to beg for forgiveness.
“Because you are you. You do what is right no matter the cost, and you care about your people. I am happy to be by your side, until the day I die.”
When Arthur met Merlin’s eyes they were shining with tears, much like his own. It was a moment of peace, the stillness after a storm, as they seemed to connect at a level they hadn’t gotten to before. It was like magic, but not of Merlin’s doing.
“Thank you, Merlin.”
And finally Merlin choked on a sob. It was dreadful, laying himself bare and awaiting judgment. But Arthur was accepting and every fear that stemmed from the opposite happening was lifted off of his shoulders and thrown away and wow he could breathe free for the first time in years.
Gwaine wrapped his arms around Merlin in an awkward but much needed hug. It felt right; Arthur knowing, and Gwaine here with him. He didn’t think he would ever have one of them, let alone both. It was enough to make him shake with the force of another set of tears.

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“Good going, Princess,” Gwaine got out. His voice was rough with emotion and he held Merlin tighter as he realized how momentous this moment was. Lancelot was barely holding back a smile; Arthur was dazed but not aiming his sword at Merlin; Percival was grinning like the fool he was; Elyan looked conflicted; and Leon just… Well, he looked like he normally did, which was illustrative of his eternal suffering.
When Merlin finally stopped his tears and pulled from Gwaine’s embrace there was an awkward silence. Merlin wiped his face and smiled like he couldn’t help it, which made Gwaine’s heart ache.
“Sorry,” Merlin mumbled, shaking his head. “Never let myself think I’d live to see the day.”
“Are you alright to answer questions?” Arthur asked with some gentleness but it was clear what he wanted: a full explanation, to everything.
Merlin nodded, “it might take a bit, for some stories, but I will share everything.”
“I want to know everything, eventually. No more secrets,” Arthur told him, firm in his choice. Gwaine, while still in semi-protective mode, could understand his desires for the truth. That had been the worst of the original finding out; knowing he hadn’t been trusted enough to be told. But then Gwaine reasoned literal execution and how would it even come up? So it was fine, really.
Arthur was different, and it seemed even Merlin accepted that. There was another nod, and Arthur gestured to the knights as if willing them to talk.
“The scar of your chest, the circular one. How did that even happen?” Percival asked curiously. He seemed concerned but genuinely wanting to know the story, and Gwaine was glad someone other than himself brought up the man scars that decorated Merlin’s body - just what they saw of him, too.
A sudden memory of a child being so desperate not to show his chest came to mind, and it all became very clear. Obviously some of adult Merlin had been passed onto his younger self, explaining his fear and the stories.
Gwaine just hoped they were bearable as he would have to imagine Merlin going through them, all alone.

•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•

Merlin answered every question they asked, which covered quite a bit of the time he had spent in Camelot.
Poison, Nimeueh, evil sorcerers, cheating knights, Morgana, being captured, Kilgharrah, his father, the druids, Dragoon, and even Emrys. It was a night full of long explanations and anger and hurt and shock and the moon was above their heads before they had reached a stopping point.
Some truths had come out from the others, as well. Gwaine’s parentage, when defending Merlin’s wishes to keep his own family secret. Elyan’s conflicts due to his fathers execution, Percival’s awe at his being Emrys, Leon’s neutral outlook towards magic and his feelings of tyranny under Uther. In the end of it all, Arthur was accepting and simply asked for some time to think everything through. It was more than Merlin could have hoped, really.
They set out bedrolls and Percival gave him a spare shirt to wear. Merlin made dinner meekly but everyone ate and no one hesitated to dig in, which Merlin had been anxious about. It was peaceful and quiet around the campfire, until Arthur spoke again.
“Merlin, can you show us something?”
The question shocked him so much he nearly spilled his stew, being the last thing he would have guessed to come from Arthur’s mouth.
“Um, sure. I… okay.”
Tentatively, Merlin allowed his normally shut away magic to creep out and fill his body. He let it seep beyond himself and reach out into the clearing. He could feel the grass growing and the trees breathing, the animals resting and the winds calling. There was energy surrounding them, and Merlin allowed himself a moment to appreciate it.
He didn’t need a spell to do what he wanted, but he waved his hand at the fire to direct it. Glowing ashes that floated in the smoke came to life in the form of a bird, flapping its wings. It transformed into a horse galloping along, then into a dog chasing a rabbit. Merlin let himself enjoy the simplicity of the magic before he looked for the others’s reactions.
They were all smiling, in awe. It made his heart jump excitedly, and his openness with his magic made it make flowers bloom around them. He stilled, not having expected or planned that, but then he laughed at the pureness of his own power.
“You are such a girl, Merlin,” Arthur said, letting out a laugh. He plucked up a flower and threw it at Merlin, who just grabbed it and placed it behind his ear. “Should’ve known you wouldn’t change.”
“Never, sire.”
The knight's laughs and eyerolls were a confirmation that everything would be okay, which was enough for Merlin to finally relax. He leaned against Gwaine, tucked in his magic beyond a bit of outside protection, and trusted his friends enough to fall asleep.
It was a good sleep, one that dawned from peace