Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August 20th, 1995

Remus had never planned for things to escalate that much. He hadn't thought that an old beat-down book would get him in so much trouble.

It was a hot Monday morning, Brick lane was buzzing with excited customers and loud cars. Remus walked aimlessly through the street holding an almost finished cigarette between his fingers. He watched the colorful art murals as he smoked, thinking about how pathetic those paintings were. They were probably from an underpaid artist trying desperately to portray a shocking message so their name would stand out among the other hundreds of artists in the London scene. Pathetic, Remus thought. The mixed smells of greasy street food and the dozens of stores cluttered with all kinds of clothes coming from every place in the world told a much deeper message than those vain murals. At least they distract passersby from the high-crime rate and poverty of East End London.

Remus threw his cigarette on the floor and smashed it with his combat boot, with a feeling of being renewed. He cleaned his hands on his jacket and entered his favorite eating spot: 'La Tiendita de la Tia Gloria', a Latino shop that mixed fresh produce with the best sandwiches Remus had ever eaten in his life.

"Mornin', Jorge," he greeted the man seating at the cashier near the door.

"Remus, good morning" the old man smiled at him and Remus continued walking towards the back of the shop. It was very humid and hot inside, with nearly no light and just a couple of fans giving warm air to the customers present. He got to the sandwich stand and waved at the woman behind the counter.

"Mornin', Gloria," he said to her and the woman grinned.

"Remus, mi amor, the same as always?" she asked going to the kitchen at her back and he nodded, turning around and checking some treats he had never tried before.

"Are you back in Waterfront, my dear?" she asked, yelling from the spot she was in. He hissed at the name of the Orphanage, he hated when Gloria brought that in their conversations.

"Uhm, no" he muttered, fidgeting with the wrappers of the crisps as if they were the most interesting thing ever.

"Did you find a foster family?!" she asked excitedly, bringing the wrapped sandwich to the counter.

"Yes," he said quickly and grabbed his breakfast, Gloria's face fell and she put her hands on her hips.

"Remus, don't tell me you've escaped again!" she reprimanded, her eyebrows pulled together.

"Then I won't tell ya' " he pressed his lips together and Gloria clicked her tongue.

"How long have you been in the streets now?" she asked as Remus slowly stepped back, trying to get to the front of the store.

"Can I get this too?" he pulled a random snack from the shelves and pointed at it.

"Remus, I'm serious chico, you can't keep running around, it's dangerous" she nagged and Remus reached the door.

" 'was nice to see you Gloria!" he waved at her "Jorge" he nodded to the man and hurried out of the shop. He could hear Gloria scolding him in Spanish, but Remus was too entertained with his sandwich to care about it.

He finished his breakfast -even the crisps too- and walked down the street. He saw an old-looking bookshop at the end of the lane, it had paint falling from the sides and the door was rotting, but Remus found it fantastic. He entered, making the bell over the door ring.

"Welcome to Golden Books, what can I do for ya' today?" the storefront man talked with a weak voice that fit his frail and old-looking appearance all too well.

" 'just looking" Remus avoid eye contact with him and walked between the aisles with his hands on the pockets of his jacket. He dragged a finger over the soft spines of the books, imagining how would it be to have that many books to read. An endless supply of stories and journeys, Remus could only dream.

He went to the other side of the store and noticed the old man gazing at him with careful eyes. He continued his ways as if he didn't notice him and went to the other section of books. He grabbed a couple and flicked through the pages, glancing up constantly, keeping an eye on the man. He saw him walk with a couple of books to the other section, putting his back toward Remus. Then he took the chance.

He hid the book that was in his hands under his jacket and walked quickly out of the store, not wanting to grab the man's attention too much. He smiled when he was some steps away, taking the book out and staring at the front.

"Oi! He's stealing something, police!" the man suddenly yelled, Remus turned around and saw the old man coming out from the bookshop. He didn't think twice before bolting out of there with all the speed his legs could bring him.

"Police!" he heard someone yell at his back and then a couple of whistles. He glanced back and saw three officers running after him.

He took some more speed, dodging and pushing people in his way. His heart was pounding against his chest and his lungs were starting to scream for oxygen, but he wouldn't stop. He threw a bin to the side, spilling the rubbish on the floor. He saw the police stalling because of it and smiled. He continued running down the street, thinking he could outrun them but then a patrol car blocked his way. He stopped abruptly, making his boots burn against the ground, he turned to run to his right but was met with a big wall wearing a blue uniform.

"Hey, Lupin" a familiar face smirked at him. Panicked, Remus looked at his back, trying to find a way out, and saw the three other officers arriving at the scene. He closed his eyes and cursed:

"Fuck"

And that's how he ended up handcuffed in the waiting room of the Foster Care Office in the East End. He watched the officer that stood beside him with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his face. He was a tall man with wide shoulders and a dark mustache that looked like a broom.

"'s been so long, Larry," he said to the man with an innocent smile, the man didn't look at him, he continued staring at the blank wall on the other side of the room.

"Why're we here?" he asked him, nervously, he loathed that building.

Those plastic uncomfortable seats that he had been to several times, the empty walls that reflected the white fluorescents on the ceiling and made your head hurt in different ways, those awful wooden toys that lay on a corner, rotting by the touch of the hundreds of kids that came through that room each year; Remus always noticed how they didn't change them, they had been the same three toys since he first came to that room, 10 years before.

"And why am I still handcuffed?" he insisted, raising his hands which were hurting from the cold metal. The officer didn't budge to any of his questions and that made Remus uneasy.

"Can I smoke fag?" Remus sighed and a door at the end of the hallway opened. Another officer -officer Jones, Remus recalled- came out of the room joined by a short woman with brown skin, Mrs. Hernandez. Remus swallowed hard when she saw her curly hair and rectangular glasses walking toward them.

"Remus" she called him with a warm smile, signing with her head to her office. Remus glanced at officer Jones, who stared at him gravely and then at Mrs. Hernandez again. He sighed and walked behind her, resigned to his fate.

Her office was a cool pastel green and smelled like vanilla, it was the only place in the whole building Remus thought he could stand being. He sat on that familiar chair, with the brown leather pealing from it; Mrs. Hernandez sat down on her desk and started flipping through some files, reading them carefully. Remus watched around as he always did. He started, as usual, behind the desk where all of those file cabinets stood one beside the other. He hated the thought of his entire life records being thrown between the thousands of other papers that belong to other thousands of orphan kids. He then switched his sight to the flower painting on the wall, they looked sad and dead, the opposite of what a flower should be. He dragged his eyes to the surface of the desk, noticing the small things Mrs. Hernandez carried on it: neon post-its, pens in the shape of flowers, a photo of her and her husband, those Chinese stress balls, and the big beige computer at his right.

Remus put his handcuffed hands over the desk, trying to play with the flower pencils when Mrs. Hernandez hummed and fixed her eyes on him.

"Ok, Remus, I see that you haven't been in your house for three days" she aligned a stack of papers against the desk.

It's not my house, he thought but decided to keep it to himself.

" 'been busy" he shrugged, putting down his hands on the chair.

"Like you were with the other ten families I tried to place you?" she raised an accusatory eyebrow and smack the papers on the desk. Remus sunk back on the chair and started pealing the leather on the seat.

"I just don't like them" Remus murmured staring at the ground. He heard Mrs. Hernandez sigh and place her glasses on the desk.

"Remus, I don't know what to do with you anymore" she admitted, tiredly. Remus didn't look up, he didn't want to see her disappointed eyes, he'd had enough of them already "you don't like any of the families I assign you, you always seem to find something to complain about..." Remus stayed silent "let's see, you said the Williams were too nagging, then the Hoppers were too sweet, the Carterts too noisy, and the Yungs not noisy enough" she listed "and the Millers..." she put her glasses again, and read something on her computer "You didn't like their food?" she said confused.

"You wouldn't have liked that food either," Remus put his hands over the desk "it was awful" he scrunched his nose.

"And now you haven't been at the Hollands for 3 days, they've been trying to reach you" she continued.

"Well, that shows you how responsible they are, they haven't found me yet" he commented with sarcasm.

"Remus, I'm serious" she scolded "I'm just trying to give you a family so you don't spend the rest of your adolescence trapped in an orphanage. Do you know how lucky you are? Any of the kids in Waterfront would kill to have any of the families you've had" Remus looked away, the window seemed more interesting all of the sudden "And now, you are a criminal too!" she added and Remus dragged his eyes at her, kind of ashamed of how little to no guilt he felt for escaping and stealing the book.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled and she put a hand in front of him.

"Save that, I have fought for you against the police, telling them constantly that you are a good kid that you are just a little lost, pleading to not send you to jail" her voice seemed to crack "but Remus, you are more than just a little lost..." Remus clenched his jaw, he didn't need to hear how fucked he was.

He already know the reasons why he was fucked: the scars all over his body, the absence of parents, his crimes, his unresting mind that seemed to go against him constantly... He wanted to get up and exited the room, but something kept him glued to the chair.

"You know what Officer Jones just told me" she pointed at the door and Remus shrugged indifferently "that they want to send you to a Young Offender Institution" Remus' mouth dried and he felt as if the world was falling around him. They were sending them to jail, for a stolen book.

"For a stolen book?!" he exclaimed, stunned at her words.

"Remus, this is the twelfth time you've been arrested" Mrs. Hernandez snapped. He didn't know what to say, he had been lucky they hadn't thrown him in jail yet, he guessed it was because he was fifteen and his "crimes" weren't too serious, but now he was starting to pay for all of them.

"Look, I reasoned with them and got to an agreement so they don't send you away" Remus looked up, hopeful "I recently sent your grades to a boarding school in Scotland, one of the best there is in the UK" she opened a cabinet on her desk and Remus frowned "I might've lied a little about your good behavior" she rolled her eyes "but I got you a scholarship there" she slid a white envelope on the desk and Remus stared at it like it was poison.

"What?" he breathed.

"They won't send you to jail if you go to the school and show a good improvement in your attitude, you'll have to behave yourself and keep your grades up" she added "look at it as rehab" Remus couldn't take away his eyes off the envelope, a coat of arms decored the front with three big letters at the middle: H.A.E.

"Hogwarts Academy of Excellence, it's a private school" she clarified and Remus felt like he had just swallowed a whole lemon. A private school? He thought desperately, there was no way.

"But I already go to school," he shook his head profusely and she looked at him as if he was joking.

"Remus, you have an attendance of 30%, you only go to do exams and then skip classes" she raised her hands in defeat.

"I don't see the point of si'ing two 'ours in a borin' class when I can jus' read a book and have a good grade" he explained, it was something obvious to him. He didn't need to stay with all his judgy classmates and boring professors, he could go to the library instead and read the lessons for himself.

"You have to make friends, Remus" she insisted.

"I already have friends" he spat.

"Friends your age" she huffed "the clerks at the store don't count" Remus groaned and looked up a the ceiling. That had to be a cruel joke the universe was playing him.

"Why can't I just do community service or go back to Waterfront?" he asked, looking for a way out of both situations.

"There's no other option, either you go to Hogwarts or you go to the YOI" she crossed her arms over her desk. Remus stared at her dark eyes deeply, as if he could hypnotize her and make her change his destiny. But he knew he was fucked. He didn't have another option.

He, for sure, didn't want to go to the YOI, he could get killed there, or worse. So the posh school it was, then.

"Alright," he resigned, slouching on the chair and sighing deeply. Mrs. Hernandez's lips quirked up in victory and she started typing some words on her computer.

"Good decision, Remus" she affirmed "you'll love Hogwarts Academy, you'll see"

That we would see, Remus thought bitterly, as he stared back at those Chinese stress balls.

He wondered if he could steal those too, he didn't think Mrs. Hernandez would mind.

He exited Mrs. Hernandez's office, with the envelope in hand. She had given him directions to where to find the uniforms and books for Hogwarts. "They will be secondhand, but I don't think you'd mind" she had said. He had never had to go school shopping nor had he had to make so many arrangements for it.

He saw Officer Jones and Officer Larry still waiting in the other room, looking more serious than ever. He looked at them with caution and then raised his handcuffed hands in front of their faces.

"Can I get these off now?"

Chapter Text

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

-Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths

September 4th, 1995

Remus had never been to Scotland before, he had never even traveled for so long as he did that day.

9 long hours.

He had arrived at King's Cross Station at 6 am that morning, yawning and feeling like he might punch the first person who dared talk to him at that ungodly hour. He carried a trunk with all of the school supplies and a saddleback with his belongings -which he didn't have much of- through the station.

He had gone shopping throughout that last week, Hogwarts Academy had sent a "generous" amount of money that barely covered his expenses, which Remus found ironic and ridiculous. He had to buy everything second-hand so he had the money for all he needed. Remus didn't mind at all, those worn-out clothes and books were already hundred times better than anything from his old school.

He also had to say goodbye to the Hollands after the incident with the book and returned to Waterfront.; he didn't mind it at all, he had been with them for three weeks only, he's had longer colds than that.

He checked the time on his watch, one that he had picket-pocketed from a wealthy tourist some months ago. 6:23 it read. The train left at 6:30 and he hadn't found the platform where he ought to be.

What if he just missed the train? Maybe he wouldn't have to go to Hogwarts and just said he tried but the train left him behind, he had found a loophole. Remus scratched the idea off his head, Mrs. Hernandez would've probably found a new way to get him to Hogwarts, even if she had to drive to Scotland herself.

He went to the other side of the station, hurrying between the small crowd of people going to work at that time in the morning. He looked at the trains there, searching for one that had "Hogwarts Express" written on it, but they were all the same silver with blue and white stripes. He was beginning to think that the said train didn't exist when he saw a multitude of people standing beside what he thought was a hallucination.

The Hogwarts Express was a scarlet train that came out of a fantasy novel or one of those old cowboy movies. It was scarlet and gold, with white smoke coming out of its chimney.

That has to be a joke.

It was too on-character with the "old private boarding school" to be true. He found amusing what rich people could end up doing just for the sake of it.

He came closer to the students boarding the train and the parents beside them, and noticed a huge difference in how they dressed, versus his outfit. They all wore the latest and trendiest designer pieces, with gold jewelry or matching sets. He had an old jumper on, with brown baggy pants and his old black combat boots.

He could tell the others were finding out these differences too by the way they looked at him as he approached one of the boarding doors: stares, double looks, low whispers. Remus didn't think he could despise so many people at the same time, but hey, they say you learn something new every day.

He could feel their prejudices and judgments. His clothes, his beat-down trunk, his scars. He felt like they were all analyzing every tiny detail of him. It made him nervous and angry. He started to wonder if the YOI would've been a better option, at least there he would've been with others more like him.

"Name?" the man at the door took him out of his thought; he was holding a clipboard and a pen expectantly.

"Uhm, Remus John Lupin," he said, glancing around to see if the people were still looking at him; they weren't thankfully.

"Is that your only luggage?" he asked surprised eyeing the trunk and then at the saddle on his shoulder, Remus nodded and the man raised his eyebrows while he wrote something on a small piece of yellow paper. He peeled the paper off and put it over his trunk.

"You can leave the trunk aside and board, welcome to the Hogwarts Express" the man continued checking on his list.

Remus went up the train and saw the infinite compartments on each side of the aisle. He walked to the very end, where no students were yet. He chose an empty compartment, placed his saddle on the empty seat in front of him, and propped his feet beside it. A couple of minutes later, he heard the train whistle and someone outside screaming: "Hogwarts Express leaving the station, last call". Remus saw through the window some students running toward the train, while others were still saying goodbye to their families. Remus saw a little boy hugging tightly his mom and dad. Remus felt a tug in his heart.

What would his parents think about him going to a school like that? Would his mother be crying like the mother hugging his boy? Or would his dad be looking at him as proud as the dad was looking at his child? He didn't know and never will. It was something unfair, but Remus had learned long ago that life wasn't fair, at least for him.

The train whistled a last time and steam puffed from the chimney, announcing that the train was leaving finally.  The train started to move, leaving King's Cross Station behind and his old life with it. Remus rested his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes drifting to a much-needed rest.

He was woken up all of the sudden, by the sound of a bell and a big hiss. He saw the train stopping slowly at a new station. He looked at his watch and saw that it had been only an hour since they left King's Cross. The new station was a lot smaller and older than King's Cross. Outside, there was a long line of new students boarding the train, Remus just hoped that none of them tried to seat in 'his' compartment. 

He took out a book from his backpack -one he didn't steal- and resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. The train whistled again after some minutes and started moving out from that station. Remus could hear outside the movement of more students coming into that last wagon, but they didn't reach his compartment, which he was thankful for.

The Hogwarts Express dipped into large infinite fields, and the only things that could be seen for miles were trees, cows, and green pastures. It was something straight out of the Lord of the Rings, very different from busy grey London.

He took the opportunity and opened the window of his compartment and lighted a cigarette, he had been craving it all morning and couldn't handle it anymore. He poke his head out of the window, letting the smoke out and feeling the fresh air of the countryside on his face. It was nicely cool outside, the smell of rain lingered in the air and the soft sound of the train soothed his mind.

The compartment door was opened suddenly, and Remus saw a red-haired girl with green eyes standing at it. She didn't look pleased, with her eyebrows slightly frowned and one hand on her hip.

"It's you!" she exclaimed looking at the cigarette in Remus' hand, he let out smoke from his mouth and raised his eyebrows softly.

"Uh?"

"You, you're smoking" she accused, scrunching her nose "the smell is terrible, is stinking the whole wagon" Remus glanced at the girl, not really caring about what she was saying "and you do know smoking is forbidden here, right?" she pointed out and Remus shrugged. The girl was getting on his nerves, she was too meddling.

"'didn't know" Remus sighed, he didn't want 'Lil'-miss-authority' there to snitch on him and get him expelled without even stepping on Hogwarts. He put out the cigarette on the edge of the window and threw it out of it, the girl gasped and looked at him horrified. She then scowled and sighed.

"Thank you," she said, not looking truly thankful. She closed the door and Remus rolled his eyes.

That was the problem with all of those poncy kids, they believed everything had to be the way they wanted, and everywhere they went it had to be perfect, either way, they'd throw a fit. He didn't think he could put up with hundreds of them for the next nine months.

Time later, Remus heard something moving outside his compartment, and the door was opened again, he had expected it to be the same girl from before, but instead was a smiling woman with a food cart.

"Want a treat?" she asked.

"Uhm, 'don't have any money" he hurried to say.

"Oh, dear, it's free, here you go" the woman handed him something wrapped in foil and a bottle of orange juice "Want some tea?" she asked again and Remus looked at the food in his hand, surprised.

"s'okay" he shook his head and the woman smiled kindly at him and continued his way down the aisle. He closed the doors again and ate the small sandwich that was given to him. It didn't taste anything like Gloria's sandwiches, he didn't think anything in the whole world would taste like them, but he was practically starving so he downed the treat and the juice.

Breakfast had energized everyone, it seemed, Remus heard more people walking around the aisle, laughing and talking out loud. It interrupted severely his reading. One guy even opened the door of his compartment and peeked inside.

"Oh, sorry," he said, he was short and chubby, with rounded pink cheeks, blue eyes, and sandy hair "it's occupied, James" he yelled to someone outside and then closed the door. Remus groaned and closed his book angrily. He couldn't even read in peace, even reading in Waterfront where he had to share his room with dozens of other kids was better than trying to read on that train.

He stood up, stretching all of his limbs, they felt numb and tired after sitting down for so long. He went outside to use the bathroom beside his compartment and when he came out of it he saw the red-haired girl, the short boy, and another boy on the aisle. She didn't look happy, Remus started to think that that was just her natural face. The new boy -a tall boy with brown skin, messy dark hair, a long nose, and rounded glasses- grinned at her, while the other short boy gazed at the two with a worried smile.

"So how was your Summer, Evans?" he asked her and the girl crossed his arms, without looking at him.

"It doesn't matter to you, Potter" she spat and walked away.

"Hell Evans, I thought that we had left any negativity in the past!" the tall boy hurried after her waving his arms.

"I don't have anything to talk about with you" she turned her head toward Remus and noticed him. The boys did the same as her and then the three of them were staring at him. He rushed to his compartment and closed the door immediately, he didn't want them to think he was hearing their conversation because he was nosy, they were just talking too loud! Even the train conductor could hear them, Remus thought.

The next three hours passed long and dreadful. Remus devoured almost all of his book and was left with a sore neck from bending his head for so long. The train made a stop at Glasgow Central Station. Remus saw the last few kids getting on the train. 

Among the crowd at the platform, there were two students that caught Remus' attention. They looked similar to each other but one was shorter than the other, the taller one had long black hair to his shoulders and sunglasses on, he wore a bored expression and bounced his leg impatientlywhile the other stood about a meter beside him with his hands behind his back. The two wore all-black attires, the taller one something rough and more relaxed than the shorter one who wore a more elegant and fitted suit. Behind them there were two big men with suits and earpieces, they looked like those security guards in rock concerts. Remus wondered who they were, they had to be important if they carried security guards around. They boarded the train last and then the Hogwarts Express returned to his journey.

The wagon filled up quickly, and three older students entered Remus' compartment, excusing themselves that it was the only empty compartment left. They seemed curious about Remus' scars by the way they sometimes glanced at them, but at least they didn't ask him any questions.

One hour later, the train arrived at Perth and they all got off. Remus followed the three older students to the bus that Remus assumed would get them to the school. The ride was fast, at least in comparison with the train. After 20 minutes they arrived at Hogwarts Academy of Excellence. They walked a little from where the busses had left them to the school.

The school was an enormous castle with gothic architecture. The walls were made out of cream bricks and it had angled blue rooftops and high towers. The gardens were well-kept with tall bushes and trees. Remus never thought he would be studying somewhere like that. His old school consisted of a square of red brick that had walls and ceilings that barely held together. It felt odd and wrong, he didn't belong there and he knew it.

"Year 7's with me" one student yelled at the courtyard. He was with other two students who gathered the little eleven-year-olds to the side. Remus watched how the crowd slowly divided in two as they approached the entrance, the younger ones went to the left while the older ones went to the right. Remus didn't know what to do. 

On the note Mrs. Hernandez had sent him it specifically said that he had to go to Professor McGonagall's office first thing. He wondered where that was exactly. He skived off the line of students and walked to the guy yelling.

"Uhm, where I can see Professor McGonagall?" he asked, glancing around. The student looked at him annoyed and sighed deeply before saying:

"Ask on the Administration building" he snapped and pointed at the building right in the middle, and Remus held himself to avoid punching him and walked away.

Upon entering the building he noticed that the inside was just as high-class and antique as the outside. The ceiling had sceneries painted on that reminded him of a church, the floors were checkered like a chess board and everything was made out of marble and dark varnished wood. A secretary, sitting right beside the entrance looked at him.

"Oh, what can I help you, luv?" she smiled at him.

"Professor McGonagall?" he asked, looking at the crystal chandeliers above him. It was definitively a rich school.

"Second floor to the right" he followed her instructions and arrived at her office. He knocked on the door, which had a plaque that read "Prof. Minerva McGonagall" on it, and heard a "come in" from inside.

In the office, behind a big desk, sat an old woman with greying black her pulled back in a tight bun and a green robe that made her look like one of the witches from Hocus Pocus.

"Welcome, Mr. Lupin," she said removing her glasses and putting them on the desk, something that reminded Remus of Mrs. Hernandez "sit, please" she pointed to the velvet armchair in front of her "I hope you found the train ride much pleasing"

He sat down and stared behind her, where a fireplace stood below a painting of some country landscape, it was beautifully done, so realistic that Remus thought that if he dared to touch it he would be transported to that peaceful scenery and escape the tragic circumstances of his life.

"I had talked with Mrs. Hernandez about the details of your scholarship since she's your social worker" she began and Remus sunk on the chair "The only thing you need to know is that to keep your scholarship, you must have good grades, with a minimum of a B in all subjects, also you're attendance has to be of 90% at least, you Iive in school so you have no excuses..." she raised her thin eyebrows. Remus groaned internally, he would have to attend classes whether he liked it or not.

"And..." she cleared her throat and placed her hands together over the desk "You will also maintain good behavior throughout the year" She looked at him pointedly and Remus clenched his jaw, did Mrs. Hernandez tell her about the arrest? About any of his arrests or problems with the police? His palms had begun to sweat all of the sudden.

"Of course," he nodded.

"Splendid" she smiled pleased and took out two sets of papers from the side "These are your classes" McGonagall gave him one of the papers "Breakfast is served at 6, lunch at 12, and dinner at 6, curfew for older students is at 10 . Classes begin at 8, not one minute later, is important that you're not late" she emphasized, then gave him the other paper, which was smaller in size "you are in Gryffindor, which I'm headmistress at" he looked at her and she appeared proud to say those words "this house will be like your family for the next three years"

Remus wanted to laugh at that, he didn't think rich kids would receive him well in their 'family'. He didn't want to be part of it either.

"There is your room number, which you'll be sharing with another student of your year. Your belongings should be there already" she explained "You'll find the Gryffindor building on Godric's campus to the right" Remus nodded again, analyzing everything McGonagall just said "any questions?" Remus sat in silence for some seconds, trying to search for something to say. Could he ask her what she knew about him? Was that even allowed?

"No, Professor" he shook his head.

"Perfect, then you can excuse yourself" she signed to the door, Remus looked at the woman for some seconds and then stood up and left the room.

As he exited the Administration Building, he was looking at the papers Professor McGonagall had given him, too lost in his thoughts to notice someone else was leaving at the same time as him, making him collide with the person at the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, Remus noticed that it was the same girl from the train. She seemed to recognize him as well because her freckled cheeks started getting as red as her hair "sorry" she repeated. Remus opened the door and let her go out first, for basic decency, even if he didn't have much.

They went to the right up to a small hill toward Godric's campus. She walked a couple of steps before him, in silence. Their feet knocking against the rocky path was the only thing that could be heard. 

"Hey, you're new right?" she suddenly turned around, stopping to wait for him.

" 'Er, yeah" he frowned a little.

"I'm Lily" she grinned "Lily Evans"

"Remus Lupin" he said.

"Remus, that's an interesting name" Lily commented "Where are you from?"

"London" he replied. Truly, he was born in Wales but had lived almost all his life in London after losing his parents, but that was a private and sad story that Remus wouldn't want to tell to a total stranger (or anyone for that matter).

"Oh, that's cool, I'm from Liverpool" she placed a hand on her chest.

"Never been there" it was the only thing he thought of saying.

Remus saw a couple of four-level buildings lining up across the path. They were placed in pairs and were pretty far from each other and at the end a deep forest surrounded them. The first pair of buildings at the left had a sign on the ground that said 'Hufflepuff Hall' and a coat of arms over each building with a badger on it; they were decorated with yellow and black colors, with lots of flower bushes and plants. A couple of students were placing gnomes in the front yard of the buildings. Remus found it strange.

"Oh! Which house are you in?" Lily asked, looking at where he was looking.

"Uhm, Gryffindor?" Remus said unsure, it was a weird name, something that he never heard before. He supposed it was a 'posh-thing' so he wouldn't understand it.

"I'm in Gryffindor too" she grinned widely "Come on, Gryffindor Hall is this one" he went after Lily, watching her long straight hair move with her walk. 

She guided him to the next pair of buildings, these ones on the right. The sign on the ground said 'Gryffindor Hall' and the buildings were the same as the last ones, but these didn't have flowers or plants. They, instead, were decorated with red and gold, and the coat of arms had a lion. Both buildings had their doors wide open, students came in and out running, and music could be heard from both sides, clashing in just a noisy mess of sounds.

"That one is Lion, the boys' rooms" Lily pointed at the building on the left "and this one is Scarlet, girls' rooms" she then pointed at the other building. Remus could tell clearly which one was the boys' room. From the left building, a group of older boys came out with rolls of toilet paper, shouting and laughing.

"Come on! We are going to Snake" one of the boys said, and three other Gryffindor boys joined the group, running up toward the other houses.

Remus turned his sight to the Lion building and realized all of the sudden that it would be his new 'home'. He found it terrifying, he had never been in one place for more than five months, apart from Waterfront.

"Remus, can I ask you something?" Lily said and Remus fixed his eyes on her.

"'Orright?"

"Are you..." she glanced both sides and stepped closer "are you a scholarship student?" she whispered. Remus scowled and clenched his jaw tightly. What did it matter if he was a scholarship student? And why did she have to ask him in that way? As if it was something to be ashamed of.

His blood started boiling inside, Remus knew that if he looked any different if he had better clothes or didn't have his scars, Lily wouldn't have asked him that. She was assuming he was a scholarship student because he looked like it, because how could he pay for a private school like that one if he couldn't even pay for better shoes? He sighed deeply, trying to hold any response or anger he felt, and just walked away from her.

Fuckin' rich kids.

He entered to Lion building and found some sort of a party inside. The Common Room was cozy and entirely decorated with gold and red colors. It had a chimney cluttered with an arrangement of trophies and medals. At the center, there was a big red sofa, some armchairs, and poufs, and at each side other wooden tables and chairs, and the walls were filled with paintings of people that looked from hundreds of years ago. 

Remus looked at the paper McGonagall had given to him. Room C-12. He went up the stairs, each level had six rooms on each side of the hall, the first level had rooms tagged with the letter A and the second level with the letter B, so Remus' room was on the third floor. As he reached the last floor he heard someone yelling and slamming doors.

"No, Prongs, it can't be it!" he heard "it has to be some sort of mistake" Remus saw the same boy he had seen in Glasgow Station, the one with the long black hair and sunglasses. He stood at the end of the hall, beside him were the other two boys who were talking with Lily on the train, the one with the glasses and the other with the rosy cheeks. Remus pulled away her eyes from them and focused on looking for his room.

First room on the right was C-1.

"Pads, you know sometimes that happens," one of the boys said.

The room in front of it was C-2.

"No, we've been roommates for four years, then all of the sudden you share a room with lil-Wormy here and I'm stuck with some nobody" one yelled. 

C-3, C-4, C-5, C-6...

Oh, no

No, no, no

His room had to be the one where the long-haired boy was standing. He approached the trio and stood there with one hand on his saddle and the other with the paper that unfortunately said C-12. The boys stopped talking and watched him. The long-haired boy stared at him with piercing greyish-blue eyes and an expression that made Remus think that he just seen a nasty cockroach instead of him.

"You're taking the piss, the new guy?" he turned to his friend with glasses "I'm going to McGonagall" the boy raised his arms and started walking away.

"Pads!" the other boy scolded pulling his black shirt to keep him in place "Don't be like that" he turned to Remus and smiled warmly, showing a set of dimples beside his mouth. Honestly, Remus didn't want their fake smiles or plastic sympathy, he could tell he was intervening in some sort of friend group.

"Hi, I'm James Potter" the boy with the rounded glasses talked, his hair appeared messier than it was on the train "this is Peter Pettigrew" he signed to the shorter guy who smiled without showing his teeth and waved softly "and this is Sirius Black" he pointed to the long-haired boy, who now had his arms crossed and was looking away, fuming. 

Sirius Black, he repeated in his head, so that was the name of his roommate. He didn't like what that Sirius had said before, or the way he was looking at him...at his scars. The sole thought of having to share rooms with him made him want to off himself.

"Remus Lupin" he said drily, wanting to just go inside his room, he didn't care for socializing, much less making friends with them.

"Well, Remus, you'll have to excuse Sirius, he's just a lil' bit... too passionate" James chuckled. Remus thought he had heard his surname before, Potter, but couldn't put his finger on it.

" 's'orright" he shrugged, even though it wasn't alright. It just fueled his theory more.

Rich person didn't get what they wanted = throwing a fit.

"Can I jus' go inside?" he questioned, annoyed by those three. 

"Oh," James scratched the back of his neck "yeah of course, is your room after all" he glanced at his friend, who still looked as if would start yelling again at any moment. Remus sent one last look at each and entered room C-12, at the left.

The room was equipped with two beds, one on the right beside the door and the other on the top left corner, near the only window; each with a small desk on the side. On the other side of the door, there was a dresser and on the top right corner, there was a closed door which Remus assumed was the bathroom. His trunk was on the bed near the window, he looked at the other bed and saw a massive black trunk beside it and a smaller white case over it, Sirius Black's stuff.

"Really Prongs, I'm gonna talk with McGonagall" he heard Sirius say outside the closed door and then heavy footsteps stomping away.

"Fucking hell, Pads, wait up" James added and Remus heard two other sets of footsteps running along the corridor.

Not even a day in Hogwarts and he already had upset someone.

The three boys didn't come back all noon, which allowed Remus to sort his things in the room and smoke a cigarette after. As the sun set, he heard more footsteps outside the room and an older boy knocked on his door, telling him that it was dinner time. Remus dragged his feet out of Lion Building, following the multitude of students down to the school. They entered the Dining Hall and spread across the big room, some rushed to sit down at one of the several tables, others continued to make a line for the food. Remus stood in the middle of an aisle, watching the Hall, stunned by it when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around and saw that it was Lily again.

"Hey, Remus..." she began, her eyebrows slightly frowned with worry. Remus didn't let her finish because he walked away and got lost in the line for the food. That Lily girl was a pain in the arse. Didn't she realize he didn't want to talk to her?

Remus grabbed his food and sat alone at a table, watching carefully anyone who dared to try and sit with him. The food was great, he never had anything like it, it was roasted chicken with mashed potatoes and a side of peas, it was delicious. He was finishing his food when three bodies appeared right at his table. A hand was placed on the wooden surface and Remus looked up to see Sirius Black staring at him with a stern face

"Ok, new guy, this is what we're gonna do," he said in his posh accent. Remus noticed that his hair was now tied in a bun showing three piercings on his right ear "McGonagall didn't want to change our room placements, something about 'exploring-new-waters' " he rolled his eyes "I didn't understand, but we will switch roommates, you'll be staying with Peter here" he pointed at his shorter friend, the boy a little smiled at Remus "and I will go with James, alright?" Remus watched the three friends, he just wanted to eat in peace and then go back to his room, he didn't care for whatever issue they were having with the room placements, but he didn't hate the idea of at least that whining Sirius Black not being his roommate.

"Right" he said "s'that'all?" he raised an eyebrow. Sirius Black changed his expression to a pleased smirk and removed his hand from the table.

"Yes," the black-haired boy said and went away with his friends following him. Remus watched them sit down at a table right at the center of the Dining Hall. James said something that made Sirius bark a laugh that could be heard above all the conversations.

"Silence, silence, please," a strong voice said and Remus turned his head to the back of the Hall, where an old man stood on a high platform. He had long white hair and a beard, he wore a deep purple robe similar to Professor McGonagall's, and half-moon-shaped glasses. Everyone stopped what they were doing and switched their focus to the man.

"Welcome and welcome once again to Hogwarts Academy of Excellence" he announced, opening his arms and smiling at the students "For those that don't know me, I'm Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts. We have a great year ahead of us, we'll enjoy the House Cup..."

"It'll be Gryffindor's!" someone yelled from the tables and some students hollered, laughing and clapping.

"Thank you for your sports spirit, Mr. Potter" Dumbledore replied with a warm smile "As I was saying, we'll be celebrating several other activities as well, keeping Hogwarts' name high and triumphant as always. For year 7's and any new students," Remus felt suddenly like all the attention was on him  "It's important that you know that is highly forbidden to go to the forest and areas outside the school's grounds, and that any infraction against this will end in an expulsion" Remus had a sudden impulse to go out into those woods "Finally, I'll congratulate to the class of 1996 for finally being on their last year of school" another round of applause and cheers were heard around the Hall "That's all, my dear students, continue to eat and enjoy the rest of the night"

After dinner, the students slowly started to empty the Dining Hall. Remus went out after the massive crowd had dispersed, stalling behind. The sky was still a pale purple color, still not falling into the night, and the air was fresh and humid around Hogwarts, not too cold not too hot. 

"Remus, wait" someone had come beside him. It was Lily, again. Remus almost groaned from frustration, why would that girl don't leave him alone? "I need to talk to you" Remus didn't answer, he made it as if he hadn't heard her, maybe that would make her go away, "I think we had a wrong start, I didn't mean to offend you before with my question" she went on and Remus started skipping a small pebble on the ground, as he walked with his hands on his pockets.

"I didn't ask you that because I assumed something by the way you look" Remus raised his eyebrows "Not that you look bad or anything, is not that, is just-I-" she sighed and placed a hand on his arm, making him stop. He glanced at her thin hand and then at her face "I'm on a scholarship too" she said with her cheeks starting to burn.

Oh, that was it.

She was like him. 

"I assume that you were in McGonagall's office and I know she's the one that handles the scholarships in Hogwarts, I-I" she seemed nervous and Remus started to feel bad about what he had thought about Lily "I know some people don't like saying they are scholarship kids, that's why I asked you in that way before" she pressed her lips together.

"I's alright" Remus' lips quirked up in a subtle smile and he noticed how Lily visibly relaxed at this. She grinned and placed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I didn't want you to be alone your first year in Hogwarts, it can be hard," she said as she knew it firsthand hand and she probably did, Remus assumed "We're not like them, we don't have it as easy" she looked forward at a group of students walking some meters before them.

"Yeah, those poncy kids" he commented with a scoff.

"They're not bad, not all of them at least" Lily chuckled "You just have to know how to sort them out" Remus nodded and they arrived at Gryffindor Hall "well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Remus" 

"See ya' tomorrow, Lily" he smiled and walked the stairs up to Lion Building. 

He climbed the stairs up to the last floor and walked to his room, seeing the door was opened. As he was entering he saw Sirius Black pulling his big trunk out of the room. He stopped at the door and glanced at Remus carefully as if he was trying to read him or find something on his face. Remus observed closely Sirius' features, they were angled and aristocratical, something that you could see only in old paintings or high-couture magazines, his nose was practically perfect, which made Remus a little self-conscious about his nose that had a small bump on the bridge from braking it too many times. The boy dragged his eyes away from Remus and continued his way to the room in front, C-11. James and Peter were at the door and helped Sirius put his trunk inside. 

Remus went inside his room, not caring about whatever those other three boys were doing. He took a shower and when he went outside he saw Peter sitting down on the bed near the door with two big suitcases around him. He was playing some sort of videogame on a small console, Remus had seen those types of games around London but they were very expensive, although for Peter, or anyone else in Hogwarts they were probably just fine. 

Remus got into his bed and opened his book trying to resume her reading. When music started playing outside, it was muffled by the closed door but Remus still knew it was Rock, which song he wasn't sure but it was loud. He glanced at Peter to see if the boys were in the same state of confusion as him, but he only sighed and looked at him.

"It's Sirius" he explained briefly.

Of course, it was him.

Remus tried to concentrate on his book again but Peter talked:

"Hey, Remus" he began, with a weak voice, Remus peeled his eyes off his book and gazed at the boy "uhm, I'm sorry...for everything" he played with his fingers, nervously. Remus sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I's olright, i's not ya' fault " 

It's your friend's, Sirius.

"Oh" Peter raised his eyebrows slightly and then smiled "cheers" he grabbed his video game and started playing again. Remus continued reading and thought about how different his life had been one week ago, when he was still in London, wandering around the city and not having any responsibilities.

Chapter Text

My solitude doesn’t depend on the presence or absence of people; on the contrary, I hate who steals my solitude without, in exchange, offering me true company.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

September 5th, 1995

Remus had found Peter to be an okay roommate. 

He wasn't noisy or tried to talk with Remus, which he liked. In the morning, he went first to the shower and then woke him up by calling his name. Remus probably had a murderer's face since the poor boy stepped back and looked nervous.

"Cheers," Remus said in a raspy voice which prompted Peter that he wasn't mad at him for waking him up, that was just his 'morning face'. 

He put on the uniform -a pair of grey trousers, a white collar shirt, a dark jacket with the Hogwarts emblem on the left side, and a maroon and blue tie- and the only shoes he owned, his old boots. The uniform fitted him big in some parts, making him look baggy, but at least they didn't have holes or tears like his normal clothes. Peter had waited for him, surprisingly, and they walked together to the Dining Hall.

The birds chirped vividly that morning and the air remained as moist as the day before. The walk to the Dining Hall was quiet and calm, he stalled some steps behind Peter, putting some space between them. When they had grabbed their food Peter went to a table at the center, where Sirius and James were sitting and Remus turned on his heels and went over to the table he had eaten at the day before.

He had just opened his book -one he had read many times before but was the only other he had- when three girls came to his table. He looked up and saw Lily smiling at him.

"Morning, Remus," she said, placing her food tray on the seat at Remus's left.

"Mornin' " he said confused, he glanced at the other two girls, who were looking at him half expectantly. One had brown skin, beautiful big brown eyes, and sported a hair full of curls. The other one was taller, she had choppy blond hair, and blue eyes, and her face seemed somewhat familiar to Remus. He knew he had seen her before, but didn't know where.

"Girls, this is Remus Lupin. Remus, these are my friends" Lily said and the other two girls waved at him smiling.

"Mary Macdonald" the first girl said, sitting in front of Lily and putting an expensive-looking handbag on the table. 

"Marlene Mckinnon" the blond girl added and Remus opened his eyes widely. Of course, Mckinnon, that name was one of the biggest names in the music industry.

"Mckinnon?" he repeated, dumbfounded and Marlene laughed and looked at the other girls.

"Oh god, he's making the face" she pointed and Remus wondered what she meant.

"What face?" he questioned, embarrassed. His cheeks felt hot all of the sudden.

"The face that everyone makes when they find out I'm the daughter of Charlie and Julia Mckinnon" she grinned, sitting in front of Remus. 

"Mary here is the daughter of a fashion designer" Lily pointed at her friend, who was stirring her oatmeal elegantly.

"You might have heard of her," Mary said, pride filling her voice "Madeline Macdonald" Remus raised his eyebrows a little, he recalled seeing that name around the expensive areas of London but had never entered of course, they wouldn't even allow him inside he thought.

"Yeah, I think so, I dun' know much about designer clothes" he shrugged and glanced at Lily.

"Oh yeah, Lily told us that you're a scholarship kid" Mary recalled and Lily opened her eyes in horror.

"Mary!" she scolded and the other girl frowned.

"What?"

" 's'orright, I don't care about 'em knowing" he assured the redhead and she seemed to calm down. Remus wondered what had happened that she acted like that around the scholarship matter, it seemed to bother her a lot.

"I like your accent, Remus" Marlene admitted, making Remus feel hot in the face again.

"Oh, thanks" he blurted and looked at his food.

"He's from London" Lily commented.

"Oh, me too!" Marlene exclaimed, happily "Which part?"

" 'Er, East End" he hesitated.

"Cool" Marlene nodded with a big grin. It was the first time Remus had seen anyone react like that when he said he lived on the East End, they usually scowled and stepped back cautiously, in fear he might rob them. To be fair, he probably would.

"Are you friends with Potter and his lot?" Mary suddenly asked and Lily groaned.

"Mary, please, is too early to be talking about them" Lily whined.

"I just wanted to know, Lils. I saw them talking to him yesterday and he came with Peter this morning" Mary reasoned.

"No, I jus' share rooms with Peter" he shrugged and then rolled his eyes "well, really with Sirius Black, but they switched so he'd be with Potter" he corrected and Marlene snorted.

" 'Course he did" she chuckled "that's such a Sirius thing to do" Remus pulled his brows together "you'll never see one without the other, he and Potter are like brothers or sum'" she shook her head. Remus turned his head and saw the table where they were. James was holding two plastic spoons in his mouth like they were long fangs, and Sirius and Peter were cackling at this.

"More like boyfriends" Mary joked and the girls laughed a little.

"And they're proper annoying" Lily added arching one eyebrow, irritation covering her pale face.

"See, James has had a thing for Lily for years" Mary raised her brows suggestively and Lily smacked her hand.

"Stop that, the only thing he has for me is that he believes I'm some sort of punchline for his jokes" Lily crossed her arms, looking really mad.

"There, there, Lils" Marlene calmed.

"They believe they are above everyone else, above any authority" Lily rolled her eyes while smashing her oatmeal aggressively with the spoon "like they're some royal"

"Well, Sirius is kind of a royal" Mary commented with a smile and Remus looked at her intrigued. 

"Is he?" Remus asked.

"He's the rightful heir of the House of Black, the biggest business owners in Europe" Marlene made a face "they've existed for centuries and are closely related to French royalty" she explained. It just made so much sense that Sirius Black was a bloody royal. The security guards, his attitude, his looks...it all add up.

"You know, he's not that bad if you really get to know him" Mary defended and the other two girls sent her a look.

"You only say that because you snogged him last year" Marlene argued with a cheeky smile "he's an arse"

"He's fit, Marls, I can look over his arrogance if he looks at me with those grey eyes" Mary shrugged and went back to her breakfast. Remus made a face. Girl talk wasn't something he had planned that morning, it made him a little uncomfortable. He then realized that these girls probably now had included him in their group officially. Their all-girl group. Remus wondered if he had to hang out with them now every day, did they expect him to do so? They were nice from what Remus had seen, but Remus had never had many friends before, much less girl friends.

"And Potter?" Remus asked changing the subject from Sirius. It also irked him that he couldn't remember where he had heard that last name.

"Mum was a famous Bollywood actress and Pops is Football-legend Fleamont Potter" Marlene explained and Remus felt a light go up inside his head. Remus didn't watch Football, but he had heard his name at Waterfront where the other boys loved to watch the Football League every year and had this sort of fascination for the Mexican football player named Potter.

"I know 'im," he said "he played in Liverpool" he recalled.

"Yes, the legend himself" Marlene nodded.

"They call each other summit weird" Remus frowned, trying to recall what the other boys had called each other last night.

"Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, yeah" Marlene interrupted him, rolling her eyes with a smile "nobody knows what the hell they mean, they tell a different story every time you ask them, but they have called each other that for years now" she explained.

"Are we finished talking about James and his dogs?" Lily questioned, tiredly.

"Fine, fine" Mary chuckled "let's change the subject," they asked him which were his classes and compared with him their timetables. Remus found out that he shared Maths with Lily, History with Mary, and English with the three girls. 

His first class on Tuesday was Maths, so after breakfast, he grabbed his saddle bag and followed Lily to classroom. 

"Come on, let's sit at the front," she said directing Remus to the first tables in the classroom. 

The room slowly filled up with students. Minutes later McGonagall appeared at the door with a serious face, she grabbed the handle, about to close it when someone yelled from outside.

"Wait" James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew bolted into the classroom, wearing guilty smiles. The bell rang just a second later and Remus noticed McGonagall sighing deeply before closing the door.  James and Sirius sat down at a table at the center of the room, and Peter sat right behind them with a boy Remus didn't know.

"Good morning, students," McGonagall said walking towards her desk at the other side of the room.

"Good morning, Professor" everyone, except Remus, recited at the same time. 

"Welcome to Mathematics, Year 11, this class will be the basis for your future, especially for your GCSEs this year" she talked poised, waving her hand elegantly "it will not be easy let me tell you that, but it's most important that you do not give up and push forward" some whispered were heard at the middle of the classroom and McGonagall seemed to notice, she cleared her throat and put her hands together "and one piece of advice, try not to be late for my class or I will leave you outside and mark it as an absence" she raised her eyebrows, looking at the center of the classroom, where Remus knew James, Sirius, and Peter were.

"You got it, Minnie!" Sirius exclaimed making the class laugh.

"Let's begin," McGonagall said, with a tired expression.

"Ugh, they're always like that, I shared Maths with them last year too, and it was a total nightmare" Lily whispered at his side. Remus glanced back at the trio and saw them looking attentively to the front. Unexpectedly, Sirius Black flickered his eyes to Remus, making eye contact with him. He held his gaze for some seconds, his face was blank -Remus wished he'd know what the boy was thinking- and then he looked away. Remus turned around and decided to stick to watching McGonagall write the lesson on the green board.

The class had been harder than he'd thought. He had taken notes as fast as he could while McGonagall talked -which she did fastly- he felt his fingers numb and sweaty just after a few minutes, he turned around to check if Lily was in the same state as him, but she was calmly writing on her notebook with a pink biro. It made him a little jealous but he had to remind himself that she had more years in Hogwarts than him. He turned his head back, out of curiosity, those tossers couldn't be so relaxed at it, Remus thought, but when he looked at them he saw Sirius and James throwing small paper balls at the hair of the girl in front of them. Remus felt like an idiot. They were playing while he struggle to even keep up with what McGonagall was saying.

Thankfully, after Maths he had a free hour. Lily went to Computing class so he was left alone and felt like he could breathe finally. Not that he didn't like Lily, but he had grown to enjoy his alone time and he had needed it after the last 24 hours surrounded by (almost all) idiots. He strolled around the Castle for a bit and then decided to go out. After some minutes of walking outside, he found a perfect hidden spot between a wall and a tall bush with thorns. He took out his cigarettes and lit one, finally feeling the comfortable smoke burning inside his mouth and down his lungs. When he had finished it, he put it out with the wall and entered the Castle again, feeling renewed.

The next class he had was Art. He had gotten lost trying to find the classroom but he stumbled with Peter on the way, who, he discovered, shared Art class with him. The Art teacher, Miss Hassin was a young woman with lots of energy and a bubbly personality, Remus liked her a lot. It had been a calm class, Peter had sat down on the chair beside him but didn't try to talk to him which Remus was thankful for. After Art, Remus asked Peter if he knew where the English classroom was, and, coincidentally, Peter was going to the same place.

When they got to the English classroom Remus saw Lily, Mary, and Marlene already inside. He walked to them, leaving Peter behind.

"See what I mean?!" Mary exclaimed when he arrived at their group "you were with Peter again"

"We share Art class" he explained briefly. 

"I just hope Black and Potter aren't in this class too" Lily admitted, crossing her arms "Peter is nice all alone, with those other two..." right on cue, Sirius and James entered the room with wide smiles "Oh, bloody hell" Lily groaned and Remus found it a little bit funny, it seemed like the girl couldn't escape them.  He sat with Lily again, in front of Mary and Marlene. 

"Look who's Sirius sitting with" he heard Mary whisper behind his back, he turned around at the same time as Lily and saw the Black boy sitting beside a pretty girl with a blond ponytail "Dalia Grimshaw" she gasped "look how he's staring at her," Remus noticed Sirius staring deeply at the girl, with his hand around her chair and a smirk that appeared to mean nothing good.

"She took her braces off" Marlene observed "she looks pretty" the other two girls hummed, agreeing with her and Remus turned back to the front of the classroom. He really didn't like girl talk.

The teacher entered some minutes later, just as the bell was ringing. He was a tall man in his 50s with greying hair and a dark suit. He left his leather suitcase on his desk and addressed the class.

"'To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour'" he said with a steady voice, every student in the class now had their eyes fixed on him "William Blake said in his poem Auguries of Innocence" he beamed softly "with this he wanted to portray the capacity of imagination, how the simple things in life could have this cosmic reality and nature behind it. Something as trivial as a flower...a pencil..." he grabbed the pencil in Remus' desk and he watched him with glittering eyes "or the person in front of you" he pointed Remus with the pencil and he felt all the attention in the room on him, it made him feel hot in the neck "could hide something extraordinary or different than what you thought at first" he placed back the pencil on Remus' desk and smiled at him. Remus felt his cheeks burning and bowed his head down a little.

The man presented himself as Professor Indigo, he was an interesting man, who talked with such ease that Remus couldn't help but listen to him. He didn't explain things like McGonagall did, he said everything calmly and relaxed as if he was telling a life story when in reality he was talking about English poetry.

The class had been surprisingly good, even with Sirius and James, who raised their hands to comment something stupid or tell a joke here and there. Professor Indigo didn't seem to mind, he even laughed at some of them. Remus had finished with a pretty good variety of notes and thoughts about the lesson, more organized and visible than Maths' notes.

They had lunch after English, and after it, Remus had two hours of History with Mary. They sat together in the cluttered and hot classroom and Remus noticed that Sirius Black was in this class too. He sat beside some boy at the back of the class and spent the whole class bothering Professor Binns, making snarky comments and refuting everything the old professor said. He even said that 'Greeks were basically all gay and horny' which sent Professor Binns to an hour rant of how television and punk rock were damaging kids' minds and how much better the world had been decades ago. Mary had found it hilarious, Remus just thought it was annoying. After classes, he was dragged by Mary to meet Lily and Marlene and take a walk around the campus. They talked to him about the other Houses adding gossip between each sentence.

"Hufflepuff is filled mostly with stoners and hippies," Mary said, walking around Godric's Campus with Lily's arm wrapped in her arm.

"They have the best music sessions" Marlene added. Remus watched Hufflepuff Hall, it appeared that the students had finished recording the front garden, it now had gnomes and small colorful windmills.

"Ravenclaws are the geeks with a superiority complex" Mary commented when they were walking through the buildings after Gryffindor Hall. These were decorated with blue and bronze colors and string lights around each entrance. Their emblem, Remus noticed, was an eagle with open wings.

"Please Mary, you shouldn't generalize" Lily pointed. They continued walking to the last pair of buildings.

"And finally Slytherin" Mary said. 

"Satan's spawn" Lily huffed.

"Lily, you told me not to generalize" Mary chided.

"Slytherins are the exception, almost all of them fit the stereotype" Lily defended. Slytherin Hall was decorated with green and silver, with vines up the sides of each building and two marble water fountains that were covered with toilet paper and red and gold garlands.

"See, Gryffindor and Slytherin have this centuries-long rivalry" Marlene explained "it's tradition for Gryffindors to strike Slytherin Hall the first week" two older boys were coming out from the first building, they saw them standing outside and sent nasty looks "Fucking Tories" Marlene mumbled and they walked back to Gryffindor Hall.

"That's why us Gryffindors are the best" Mary implied with a smile.

"We also have the best parties" Marlene agreed.

Remus found it silly how serious they seemed to take the House rivalry, in real life people weren't divided into Hufflepuff or Slytherin; that didn't exist outside Hogwarts grounds. People were good and bad altogether, they didn't change just because they lived in a different building. But Remus found no use to fight about it with them.

They hung out for more minutes until it was dinner time. They went back to the castle and filled their stomach with delicious food. After it, Remus said goodbye to the girls and went to Lion Building. Lion's common room was crowded with boys watching TV or playing games. He didn't care about any of it, he just wanted to go to his room, take a shower and enjoy his book alone.

His night plan seemed to be working pretty well. He had gotten downstairs, grabbed a cup of warm tea from the small kitchen beside the Common Room, and tucked himself comfortably into his bed. But it seemed that Sirius Black insisted on playing music for all Godric's Campus. Remus could hear the guitar and drums bumping in the other room. So loud a headache started to threaten his peace. Peter came to the room around 10:15, he showered and got into his bed silently. Remus was trying to read when suddenly the music in Room C-11 came to a halt and someone burst through the door, alarming both of them.

"Wormy, go to the other room, Frank's coming" Sirius hurried, holding the door open. Peter jumped out of his bed fast and bolted to Room C-11. Sirius closed the door and got into Peter's bed. Remus watched everything with confusion.

"What?-" 

"Shhh" Sirius interrupted him, which Remus found disrespectful. Someone knocked on the door and then opened it, peeking his head inside. It was an older guy carrying a clipboard and a pencil.

"Alright, boys?" he asked.

"Of course, Franky" Sirius said, smiling innocently at him.

"Well... goodnight," the other boy squinted his eyes at Sirius.

"Goodnight," the two of them said, Remus not so sure of what was happening. The other boy closed the door and Remus heard Sirius sighing.

"That was close" he commented. Remus wanted some explanation of why his reading was interrupted by all of that, but Sirius didn't look like he could give it to him. He got out of bed and opened the door again, poking his head out. Seconds later the door in front opened and Peter and he switched rooms again.

"Sorry," Peter said closing the door and returning to his bed "Frank's the Headboy, he sometimes checks if everyone is in their room for curfew" he explained and Remus thanked the universe that at least one of the three boys was likeable.

September 7th, 1995

Remus had previously made fun of Lily for not being able to escape the boys that seemed to haunt her, but Remus now thought that he was suffering from the same curse. He shared all of his classes with at least one if not three of them. That Wednesday he found out he shared Science with them and didn't have any of the girls to sit with him. He sat in that class with another boy who looked too shy to even address Remus' presence. Then, in his last class, he noticed that he had French with James. The boy saw him too and decided, for some reason, to sit with him, spending all of the class asking him questions and trying to establish a conversation with Remus. He ignored him repeatedly, trying to understand Mr. D'Vaux's words, which were already hard for him since he wasn't good at French but James Potter didn't back down for any second of the entirety of the class.

Last hour on Thursday came around, and it was finally time for the class he was dreading all week: Physical Education. He had almost failed that class in his old school for always skipping it. He didn't have feet or hand coordination and most sports require some level of that. He walked down to the P.E. field, which had a race track and a Football court; and he discovered, to his horror, that he also shared that class with Sirius, James, and Peter. He saw the three boys talking on the side, Sirius had his hair in a small ponytail and was teasing Peter, who had a full face of sunblock.

God, someone kill me now.

"Good afternoon, class" P.E professor, Mrs. Hooch, said arriving at the field "first we'll do some laps around the track and then we'll stretch" she announced with a powerful voice "come on" she sounded the whistle and the whole class started running along the track.

Remus didn't find it hard to keep up with the pace, he was sort of used to running a lot, specifically from the police and muggers in London; also, his long legs and lanky body helped him move quicker than the other kids. He even got to the front of the group without realizing it, he only had James and Sirius running just some steps in front of him. Sirius turned his head and saw how close he had gotten, he scowled and closed the space that was between James and him. He said something to James, something that probably had to do with Remus, because the other boy twisted his head back and glanced at him, surprised.

They all finished and moved on to the stretches. James and Sirius didn't stop looking at him throughout the exercises. It bothered him a lot, what did they want? If he ever stared somebody like hat at the East End he'd probably get beat down. Remus thought that they probably had never been in a fight or even used their hands for something else than counting money or brushing their hair (in Sirius' case). He wanted to say something, but he knew anything that came out of his mouth toward those two wasn't going to be 'Hogwarts appropriate'.

Hooch told them they would do a race around the track, 400 meters. She started with the girls, grouping them in fours. Then, when they all finished she moved on to the boys. James was in the first group and the boy surely had his father's talent. He left behind the other three boys like nothing had happened, without even looking tired at the end. The whole class was impressed and Mrs. Hooch looked proudly at him.

"That's my boy" she congratulated him. Other groups went on and Remus kept waiting on the side. He saw Peter coming on third in his group, he looked out of breath after the race but was pleased to not be last.

"Next group" Hooch called "Black" Sirius walked to the track, with a smirk on his face "Clearwater, Jones..." she said and the two boys glanced at each other mortified.

"Not Black, fuck" Remus heard one of the boys mutter.

"And...Lupin" Hooch read from her list. Remus walked on the remaining rail, beside Sirius, and kneeled in position.

"Don't worry, I won't go hard on you" Sirius whispered, only for Remus to hear. He glanced at the long-haired boy and he was wearing a smug face that Remus wanted to punch it out of him

"Ok, ready" Hooch began, Remus dug his trainers on the gravel "set" they all raised the back leg at the same time, he felt his heart thumping with anticipation. He'll show that rich boy what's good "go!" Hooch yelled and Remus darted off. 

Sirius was beside him, running almost at the same pace as him. They had left the other two boys behind on the first couple of meters. It was now him versus Sirius. Remus increased his velocity, gaining a few meters from Sirius. They rounded the first corner and Sirius won the meters he had lost back, being head to head with Remus again. On the second curve, Sirius got closer to the inside of the track and gained distance from Remus.

No, no.

Remus ran as fast as he could, just as he had run that morning he had stolen the book before he had to go to Hogwarts. Sirius was some steps behind. Remus noticed how the other boy tried hard to beat him. The third corner came and Remus used all of his force to gain velocity in here, Sirius did too. They leaned to the side on the last corner, running on the curve dangerously low, but both of them slipped a little. Remus placed his hand on the floor and let his feet slide the remaining of the curve and got back up again. Sirius wasn't so lucky, he tripped and fell, getting up seconds later but it had been enough to give Remus the lead. He crossed the finish line and everyone cheered for him. Sirius got there second with a tired face.

"Congratulations, Lupin, that was fantastic" Hooch tapped him on the back "you almost had the same time as Potter" she commented.

"Thanks, Professor" Remus glanced at Sirius who was now lying on the grass beside the track, and walked over to him. He crouched beside the boy and said with irony:

"Thanks, for not goin' too hard on me" he tried to walk away, but Sirius held him by the wrist not letting him go.

"How...did...you do..that?" Sirius asked, out of breath. Remus stared down at him and then shook off his grip, moving away from the boy.

It had felt so good to defeat Sirius Black.

September 8th, 1995.

It was Friday night, Remus was in his room, doing the only homework they had left that week. Maths of course. It was something about Triangles he didn't quite get, but he was trying his best, comparing his notes with the exercises in his textbook every now and then. Music and conversation could be heard on the bottom floor and through the window. Gryffindor had some sort of gathering between the two buildings. The girls had told him about it that morning, but he wasn't fond of parties, not that he had ever gone to one, but he figured that social events weren't his thing since he didn't know how to make friends or talk with others. 

He was frustratingly erasing the exercise he just did -he didn't get the answer right- when the door opened, letting the loud sound of the music filter into the room. He had expected it to be Peter looking for something, but instead, it was Sirius Black. He was wearing a black T-shirt and some blue jeans, he didn't look too posh like that, Remus thought. He also had a red cup in his hand and wore a small smirk on his face.

"Watcha' doing," he said and Remus pulled his brows together. Why was he talking to him all of the sudden?

"Uhm, homework" Remus turned back to his notebook, hoping that Sirius was just there to look for something in Pete's things.

"We're having a party, you know" he pointed, stepping into Remus' area. He could sense the strong smell of alcohol coming from the red cup.

"Yeah" Remus just nodded.

"'Er, everyone in Gryffindor is invited..." he said as if Remus didn't know already.

"I know" he replied, drily.

"That means you too..." Remus turned to him and gazed him up and down, trying to figure out what exactly was that the boy wanted.

"Not interested" Sirius sighed and pressed his lips together.

"You're the only one that's not there" he informed 

"Ok?" Remus scoffed, it meant nothing to him.

"Would you just go down?" he insisted and Remus looked at him with a frown.

"No" Sirius rolled his eyes and raised his hands.

"Ok, whatever I tried" he turned around and exited the room. Before closing the door he heard him say to someone outside "he's not coming, he's just an arse" 

"Pads!" he heard James Potter scold in the hallway before the door was closed and their conversation about him was muffled.

Remus huffed and slammed his pencil on his desk. They really were the worst lot he had ever met in his life, and he had met criminals before. He looked out of the window, the moon was full that night, it made him kinda uneasy but he remembered that it was just his brain messing with him.

You are laughing at me aren't you? he mentally said to it and went back to his homework.

Chapter Text

He thinks he's educated
Airs those family shares
Will protect him
That we'll respect him
He moves in circles of friends
Who just pretend that they like him
-Charmless Man by Blur

September 11, 1995

Remus had woken up that morning cranky and feeling like he hadn't slept well in days. He usually suffered from insomnia so he was used to not sleeping much, but that wasn't the case of that weekend. Since Friday, after the Gryffindor party, Sirius didn't stop playing music until really late at night each day. Remus felt tormented and annoyed, he did enjoy listening to music, and he loved Rock, but it was much different when it was at 2 in the morning and they had to wake up at 5 the next day. He wanted to get up and smash the bloody record player on Sirius' head.

It also surprised him how much the others on the floor didn't care. He had thought Peter didn't say anything to Sirius because he was his friend -and because Peter didn't seem like the type to stand up for themselves- but he couldn't believe that the other 20 boys living on the last floor didn't mind the sound of guitars and metal all night long. Somebody had to stop him.

Somebody that was not Remus, he was too tired to fight with someone that early in the morning. He just wanted some Black tea and a good breakfast.

He didn't even enjoy Professor Indigo's lesson on the two hours of English they had first on Mondays. He was sleepy and kept drifting off of Shakespeare and Keats. Lily tried to keep him awake, shaking him and calling his name but it was impossible. Professor Indigo had noticed too and frequently tapped his pen on their desk to wake him up. He shook his head and stretched his arms on the last warning the English teacher had given him, trying to not fall asleep again. He tilted his head and saw the trio of boys at the center of the classroom. Peter and James were noting Indigo's words, while Sirius was peacefully sleeping on the table.

Remus felt a sudden wave of rage filled his body. How dare he be asleep in class when this was his fault? Nobody made him play music until 2 am a Sunday night, and if Remus had to be awake so did he. Remus grabbed a pencil from the table and checked on Professor Indigo. He was writing on the board. Remus turned his back again and threw a pencil on James and Sirius' table, hitting the last boy. James jumped on his seat and Sirius woke up alarmed and disorientated, he looked around upset, and then found his eyes. Remus held his gaze for some seconds, staring at the boy with a murdering face, Sirius looked back at him angry too, as if it was his fault he couldn't sleep well.

Remus turned again and decided to pay attention to Indigo's words on the board. He then felt something hit the back of his head hard. He flinched and rubbed the spot, and saw the pencil he had just thrown at Sirius under his seat. He grabbed it and snapped his head at the other boy, he was looking at the ceiling with a playful smirk. Remus huffed and threw the pencil again, but this time Sirius reacted on time, ducking the pencil and making it hit Peter behind him. The shorter boy jumped surprised and then looked at the front. Remus frowned at Sirius and he took out his tongue at him like a child. Remus flipped him off.

"Remus!" Lily whispered beside him, in horror. Remus turned to her wide-eyed "stop it, you're acting just like them" she frowned and Remus decided to stop, he didn't want to be associated with the three guys, much less that someone said he acted like them, like a posh-childish-boy.

At lunch hour he split from the girls, he had told them he had left a book in his room and would get it quickly, it was just an excuse to be alone. Is not that he didn't like them, they were great, and they probably were the closest thing to a group of friends he'd ever had, but sometimes it was too much. They were all girls, which he didn't mind most of the time, and girl talk was something bound to happen, but it was not only that; he couldn't fully relate to everything they talked about or discussed, there were times the three girls would talk about something and ask Remus opinion on the matter, he mostly just stayed quiet or mumble an 'I don't really know' because he hadn't seen the issue in the same eyes as the other three, whereas they found it obvious.

It was safe to say that Remus needed a break. A smoke break.

He went to his usual spot for smoking and took out a fag. He knew he ought to smoke less, Gloria and Mrs. Hernandez had scolded him several times, saying that cigarettes would be the death of him. Perhaps that's why he used them so much, maybe he was just trying to get to the inevitable much quicker, or maybe it was just addiction talking. But the truth was he needed them as much as he needed food or perhaps even more.

When he finished it he didn't want to go back to the Dining Hall, so he decided to stroll around the school for a little bit. He had spent the last week doing that every free hour he got, he knew almost all the Castle by now. He'd found the Library, which had amazed him from the moment he put one foot in it. He met the librarian, Mrs. Pince, who had given him a face when he tried to take out more than two books for reading. He was now walking through the ground floor, there was some sort of 'bridge' that connected the young student's classrooms with theirs, right beside the Administration Building; he went there and saw a big hallway with a couple of cabinets cluttered with medals and trophies.

He came near them, looking at the several prizes the school had gotten. There were Football and Rowing trophies, as well as others like Maths and Chemistry Olympics; some were from a couple of years prior others dated as back as the 1800s. Between two of the cabinets, there was a big wall filled with photos, it looked like the classes that had graduated from Hogwarts before. He wanted to see them up close, but the bell rang just as he was about to do so. He sighed and hurried out of that hallway. The French classroom was on the other side of the castle and he couldn't be late, Mr. D'Vaux was giving him a hard time already for not understanding what he said.

That night he stayed in his room, trying to figure out how to make sentences in 'le passé antérieur', having in hand an English-French dictionary and consulting it every five seconds. He was feeling like he might go crazy doing his French homework, and on top of that Sirius insisted on playing music loudly again. Remus had tried to ignore it and continue his work, but the sounds of In Bloom invaded his head not letting him concentrate on what he was writing. He stood up from his desk and walked over to Room C-11, banging on the door hard. Seconds later Sirius Black opened the door and frowned at the sight of him.

"Turn it off" he spat at the boy, Sirius scoffed and shook his head.

"No, that's Kurt Cobain and this is a tribute to his music, I can't turn it off" Sirius snorted and smiled haughtily at Remus.

"I'm trynna'study" Remus clenched his jaw gazing at the boy.

"Study with the voice of Cobain" Sirius was about to close the door in his face but he placed a hand on it and pushed it open. Sirius looked at his hand with a scowl and opened his mouth to protest, but James was quicker:

"Uh, Pads, you could turn the volume down a bit, it's sorta loud" he suggested glancing between his best friend and Remus. Peter, who was sitting beside James, just stared at the conversation silently. Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed in resignation.

"Fine, whatever" he glanced at Remus bitterly and then went over to his record player, turning the volume down. He then walked again to the door and raised an eyebrow "is that pleasing enough for your studying?" he asked with disdain and Remus glanced at James, who gave him a little smile.

He turned his eyes back to Sirius and responded "Yes"

"Alright then, bye" Sirius closed the door in his face. Remus cursed the long-haired boy and went back to the room. To top it all off, Frank did a random check that night, making Sirius switch with Peter and interrupting Remus and his nightmarish study.

September 12th, 1995

Remus put out his cigarette on the wall behind the bush, it still had some marks from the fag he had smoked yesterday. He had just come out of Math class, where McGonagall announced that they would have an exam next Wednesday, to his horror. He started to wonder what would he do with that subject, he didn't understand the lesson completely and he couldn't fail a class or else he would lose his scholarship.

He kept thinking about this as he walked to the hallways with all those pictures he had seen the day before. He stepped right in front of that big wall. The first few rows had photos in black and white, and all of the students were boys who wore dark tailcoats and bowties. He noticed, as he kept watching, that the first girls students appeared in the class of 1945, there the uniform looked a lot more similar to what it was nowadays. He dragged his eyes across the class of the 50's and saw that one photo was missing: the class of 1954.

"It's fascinating, isn't it?" somebody said behind his back, Remus turned around surprised, and saw Professor Dumbledore smiling at him.

"Oh, yeah, Professor" Remus stepped back to let the Headmaster see the pictures too.

"Hogwarts has existed for several centuries and has suffered from several changes, but I'm proud of the reputation it has now" Dumbledore talked watching the wall carefully with his hands behind his back "It has proudly created a wide catalog of successful people" he looked at Remus "I believe you can already tell by looking at the families of your classmates, right Mr. Lupin?" Remus glanced at the Professor, how did he know his name? Dumbledore seemed to catch on to this because he added:

"I know all my students well, Mr. Lupin" he smiled softly at him "I've had a thousand students coming into Hogwarts, some quieter than others, but I remember them all" he turned his head to the wall again and fixed with his long bony finger a frame from a class of the 70s.

Dumbledore had this soft and calm nature in him. Remus thought that it didn't make sense for a Headmaster to be like that. How could he run an entire school with such tranquility? Headmasters were all strict and scary, or at least that was what Remus thought.

"One class 's missing" Remus commented.

"Yes?" Dumbledore raised his grey eyebrows.

"Yes, 1954" Remus pointed between the photos of the class of 1953 and the class of 1955 "here"

"You're right" Dumbledore hummed and got his face closer to the two pictures "it seems like someone might have taken away the photo" he got away from the wall "perhaps as a souvenir" he chuckled. The bell rang and the professor tapped his back.

"You should go to class, Mr. Lupin, you don't want to be late" he suggested and Remus nodded, walking away from the Headmaster and that wall.

As he walked to his Art class he saw Lily alone in the hallway, outside the Computing classroom.

"Hi" he smiled slightly and Lily turned back the smile.

"Hi, Remus! What class did you have?" she asked, holding a notebook close to her chest.

"'Had a free hour" he shrugged "who' you waintin'?"

"Oh, my friend! I'll introduce you both" she said excitedly "there he comes" she pointed at the door and there it was a boy with a hook nose and long dark hair that looked really greasy, he frowned when he saw Remus beside Lily.

"Lily?" he questioned as he got to her side, he looked at Remus as if he had a contagious sickness.

"Sev, this is Remus Lupin" Lily said signing at Remus "Remus, this is Severus Snape" she pointed at her friend with a smile, but none of them were as excited as she was. Remus didn't like how that Snape was looking at him, and it appeared that Snape didn't like Remus either for some reason. The other boy had this nasty face on him that made Remus uncomfortable.

"Are we going now?" Snape hurried the girl, avoiding Remus' eyes.

"Oh, well..." Lily glanced between the two boys.

"I need to go to class" Remus intervened, trying to escape that situation "See ya'"

"See ya', Remus" Lily said and Remus was off to Art class.

September 13th, 1995

The next day Remus was sitting with Mary in History class. They were silently reading something Professor Binns had assigned them when he remembered the interaction with Snape.

"Hey, Mary" he whispered and the girl peeled her eyes off his book quickly, as if she had been looking for a distraction long ago and Remus could give that to her "what's with that Snape bloke?" she sighed deeply like she had listened to that name so many times before that now was tiring.

"So you meet him, finally" she observed.

"Yeah, yesterday, Lily was with'im" Mary nodded like she'd been there too.

"I was wondering when you were gonna get 'the curse'" Mary said and Remus tilted his head.

"See, Snape's been friends with Lily for ages, they're like best friends or something" she rolled her eyes "but he's an arse, he's in Slytherin and he hangs with the worst lot that there is. Marls and I have tried to get Lily to drop him but she just won't do it" she raised her hands with exasperation "she swears that he's just misunderstood and he's a good person deepdown" Remus highly doubted that he didn't seem like a good person yesterday "he always takes Lily away and gets mad with her for hanging with us" she protested, getting her voice a little higher "I'm also in Science with him, he's a prick".

"Yeah, he looks like a right tosser" Remus prompted and Mary nodded her head quickly.

"Right, he also has the hygiene of a 5th-century peasant" she pointed at the page they were reading, about the Medieval Age "Did you see his hair?" Remus laughed and nodded.

"Quite nasty, innit?" he said and she laughed too.

"Yes, yes, exactly"

...

At the last hour, Remus dragged his feet miserably to the French classroom. His homework was halfway done, he had spent the last two nights trying hard to do it, but French wasn't his forte. He just resigned to his fate and watched Mr. D'Vaux's disapproving face when he gave him 5 sentences instead of 10 that afternoon. He went back to his seat, cursing internally, and sat beside James, who still insisted on sitting with him every French class. Remus slammed his notebook, startling James, and laid his arms and head on the table.

"Are you alright?" the boy asked worriedly, Remus didn't answer, he didn't want James Potter's pity.

Mr. D'Vaux got up from his desk after checking all the notebooks and started to ask questions to the class. Remus wasn't paying attention, he was daydreaming about the book he had started that week -something about a cursed town, a house, and vampires- and wishing he was in his room instead.

"Monsieur Lupin," he heard his name, Remus raised his head and looked at the front, Mr. D'Vaux, as well as the rest of the class, were looking at him expectantly "Je veux que tu me dises quelle est la différence entre 'aussitôt que' et 'dès que'" Remus looked around in panic, he only understood 'I want' and 'difference'. Was he asking if there was something different?

"Oui?" he said and the class laughed at him, Mr. D'Vaux face turned to stone, he looked like a French Bulldog that way.

"Je veux que tu me dises quelle est la différence entre 'aussitôt que' et 'dès que'" he repeated, but Remus had no idea what he wanted.

"He's asking the difference between aussitôt que and dès que" James whispered by his side and carefully slid his notebook to Remus' side. Remus read the notes of the other boy and saw the answer right there.

"Uhh, both can mean 'as soon as' in English" he looked at Mr. D'Vaux "but..." he peek down swiftly "aussitôt que can be used as 'immediately' too, whereas dès que can't" he saw Mr. D'Vaux debating something inside and turned to see James, the boy smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up with both hands.

"Correct" the professor huffed "but the next time say it in French" he nagged and continue asking around.

Remus gave James his notebook back "Cheers, James"

"No problem!" the boy grinned and continued writing in his notebook. Maybe Remus had misjudged him, he wasn't as annoying as he'd thought. At least not as Sirius.

September 15th, 1995

Lion Building was awfully empty that Friday evening. Students from Years 12 and 13 had gone to the town nearby, Hogsmeade, leaving the room all for Years 10 and 11. They were less than 30 boys left in all Gryffindor Hall. Some had gone out to a small match of Football on the patio and others decided to stay in the warm and cozy Common Room, as Remus did. He read silently, slouched on one chair right by a window with his feet on the divan next to him. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac played on a radio one boy took down from his bedroom. James, Peter, and Sirius were there too, playing some card game Remus didn't know and wasn't interested in. He had thought the boys would be a distraction for his reading, but surprisingly they weren't as loud as Remus knew they could be.

"I won!" Peter said and groans from Sirius and James could be heard from their seat. The song ended and shortly after a new song started playing. A deep bass sounded and then a guitar, that made Sirius jump out from the floor.

"Turn that up, Patil!" he yelled, bolting to where the radio was and turning the volume all way up. It rang nastily in Remus' ears and took him out of his 'reading zone'.

"City dweller, successful fella, thought to himself 'whoops, I've got a lot of money'" Sirius sang and Remus rolled his eyes, of course, Sirius Black liked that song. He had heard it in August and had hated it ever since it came out. It was sickly catchy and the lyrics were as basic as they could be.

"He lives in a house, a very big house in the country" Remus tried to start reading again, but Sirius sang so loud that it was all he could think of "Oh, it's like an animal farm, lots of rural charm in the country" Sirius danced with the song, walking around the Common Room.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed happily "Their new album is the best" Remus scoffed at this and dragged his eyes to his book.

"Do you have something to say?" Sirius asked all of the sudden, Remus looked up and the boy was standing beside him with a scowl.

"Nun" Remus shrugged.

"It seemed like you did" Sirius continued leaning to Remus' view "Do you have a problem with Blur?"

"No, I won't say ther' the best" Remus said "they're 'olright" Remus made an uninterested face and Sirius knitted his brows further together.

"Right then, Jimmy Savile, who's better in your catalog?" Sirius crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"The Smiths? The Clash? The Pistols?" Remus started mentioning and Sirius clicked his tongue.

"Well that's not fair, they're not even in the same decade or genre!" he protested and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Orright then" he closed his book and stood up about to go up to his room, he didn't want to deal with Sirius anymore "Oasis. There." Sirius gasped and opened his eyes as if Remus had just insulted his mother.

"Oh you didn't just say that..." Sirius muttered angrily

"Wut? They're much be'er than those tossers" Remus walked toward the stairs, not wanting to hear Sirius Black talk anymore.

"Blur beat Oasis with 5 NME's and 4 Brits Awards and also had the number 1 single in August" Sirius followed him, blocking his path to the stairs.

"And what's with that?" Remus stopped "You Blur fans are obsessed with beating Oasis" he rolled his eyes again. Remus remembered getting the news of the whole showdown of the big 'Battle of Britpop' from thrown-away newspapers and the window of a Music Store at Picadilly.

"Also, most of the barcodes for Oasis didn't work, they could've beat'en Blur " Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius made a sarcastic cackle.

"That excuse is rubbish" he blurted "the Gallaghers can't handle being second so they have to go and be dicks at them"

"They at least have the balls to say what they think" Remus stepped closer to Sirius raising his chin.

"Of course, you think that you yob" Sirius growled and Remus felt the blood go up his head. He heard the other boys in the room gasp and hoot at it, adding more fuel to the fire. He had received that term several times throughout his life, he didn't care what other people think, he didn't care for that word. But it was much different when a rich boy said it to him, especially if it was Sirius Black.

"Wut?" Remus got even closer to Sirius, chest to chest with the other boy. He won't let that boy talk to him like that.

"Ok, ok let's not lose our senses, now" James jumped out of his seat, grabbing Sirius' arm and watching Remus cautiously. Peter hurried after him but kept his distance from the quarrel.

"What' you gonna do, uh?" Sirius stirred, facing Remus. He felt the minty breath of the other boy against his face. Remus scoffed and smirked with disdain at the other boy.

"'Orright ya' big toff, fuck off and go back to listenin' to your band full of poofs" Remus pushed off Sirius.

"Fils de pute!" Sirius charged at Remus, red in the face, but was held back by James. Remus didn't move a finger, he just watched the other boy with tight fists.

"Woah, Pads, Pads!" James pulled Sirius back "let's go outside and take some air," he said to his best friend and sent a worried glance at Remus, before dragging Sirius out of the Common Room. Peter stood there staring at Remus for some seconds and then joined his friends.

Remus looked at the boys left in the room, they watched Remus with scared eyes. He sighed and stomped to his room. He hadn't wanted to say those things, he didn't think of the band like that. It was just a ridiculous band feud that in the end didn't matter much, but Sirius Black had brought out the worse side of him. That side that he was always trying to control and push back.

Chapter Text

"...a burnt child loves the fire"
-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

September 18th, 1995

Things had been very uncomfortable in Room C-12 after the fight on Friday. Peter hadn't wanted to make eye contact or even look Remus' way, he walked carefully around the room, not daring to make a sound, and even squeaked like a mouse when Remus politely asked him to turn off the light on Sunday. The story of his and Sirius' fight had spread across Gryffindor Hall and consequently across all of Hogwarts. Remus had already noticed how people now eyed him warily or whispered when he walked nearby, but it had been more apparent that Monday morning on breakfast:

"So is it true?" Mary asked as she peeled away the borders of her toast "Did you and Sirius have a spat?" Remus looked up at the girl in surprise. He heard how Lily dropped her spoon on the plate and Marlene stopped chewing, both girls now had their eyes on him.

"What?" they asked, Marlene in an excited tone and Lily in one that meant more horror and panic.

"How did ya' know?" he questioned with a sigh and Lily gasped.

"Did you fight with him, Remus?!" Lily shrieked.

"No, no, nothing physical" he calmed the girl, then bowed his head to his toast and eggs, avoiding their attentive eyes "we jus' had a verbal disagreement" he turned to Lily and the redhead gazed at him skeptically.

"I did hear that you pushed him and he almost hit you," Mary said bringing a piece of toast to her mouth.

Thanks for the help, Mary.

"Remus! You're acting just like them, I told you last week and I told you now" Lily reprimanded and Remus leaned his head on his hand.

"I know, 's just that he gets under my skin" he rolled his eyes and tossed his eggs around the plate without much appetite.

"That's what he does with everyone, Remus" Marlene shrugged with a small smile "try and not to let it get to you"

"He's a baby, I jus' said that one band wasn't as good as he said, and he went bollocks" Remus explained and Marlene sucked air through her teeth.

"Oh, I understand now," she said  "you should never insult Sirius' music"

"Why's that?" he wondered. What privilege does he hold that made his music untouchable for the rest of the school?

"One time, last year, our old Music teacher said that Rock was the dead of good music and all morals" the blond explained with a smirk "Next week he was going crazy about hearing Rock music that wouldn't stop in the walls of his room. He couldn't sleep for days and ended up resigning not even half-year" Remus had almost laughed at the story, it had been a funny joke. Anyone who dared insult the greatest genre of humankind deserved a punishment like it, but then he remembered they were talking about Sirius Black, and it wasn't funny anymore.

"Did he do that? How?" he questioned. How could the boy have entered the teacher's room and played music constantly?

"No one knows, no one can even prove that it was him" Marlene shook her head "but we're all certain that it was. He, James, and Pete have pulled some great pranks before, so it wouldn't be a stretch to believe they were responsible for that too"

"Well, I'm not scared of the little tosser" Remus announced "he can pull his pranks, I don't care"

"Whatever suits you best" Marlene shrugged with a smile and continued eating.

"And Mary, how did you know before we did?" Lily asked the other girl and she grinned proudly.

"See, I was with Daryl Wrightchild yesterday, who's close friends with Faith who heard the story from McLaggen who was there and saw everything" she explained, Remus and Lily looked at each other with surprise and confusion.

"And what were you doing with Daryl Wrightchild?" Lily questioned looking at the girl.

"He's fit, I kinda like nerdy guys" Mary smiled cheekily and Lily frowned with a chuckle.

"Since when?"

"Since Daryl Wrightchild got muscles and better skin" Marlene teased, receiving a light shove from Mary.

"Stop that, he's quite enchanting" she defended with a smile "he's invited me to the Bonfire on Friday" she shrieked excitedly and the other girls responded the same.

"What's that?" Remus asked.

"It's a Hogwarts tradition. Every first day of Autumn older students go to the woods and do this big bonfire, and get plastered" Marlene said.

"Is our first time going, I've been planning my outfit for days!" Mary exclaimed. Remus thought it was a little silly to be that excited for an event that would probably be filled with bugs and wasted people.

"Would you go, Remus?" Lily turned to him.

"Uh" he glanced at the three of them "I'm not that fond of parties"

"It'll be cool" Mary insisted "Come"

"I dunno" he shrugged "I'll think about it. I want to do the Math exam first, I'll see then" he guaranteed them but wasn't so sure that he'd be thinking about it as much as he said.

September 21st, 1995

Remus had underestimated how much he could hate a person. How much he could hate Sirius Black to be exact. It all started that Tuesday night. Remus was nervously trying to study Math, he'd already downed about three cups of tea in hopes that the caffeine would keep him awake and concentrated on the exercises, but it had been impossible. Sirius had played Blur's new album repeatedly since the day of the feud, and that night wasn't an exception. It felt to Remus that it was louder than usual as if Sirius knew that he was struggling to understand Maths and wanted to sabotage his desperate efforts. They hadn't acknowledged each other since Friday, not that they talked much before that, but now they were actively trying to avoid one another, as a desperate last resort, Remus swallowed his pride and went over to Room C-11 and knocked on the door. James had been the one to open the door, but Remus looked directly at Sirius and asked as nicely as he could if he could turn down the volume. Of course, the other boy didn't even look at him, he did as if Remus wasn't there and just walked out of the room, hitting him with his shoulder. Remus was about to explode again but luckily for Sirius, Frank came through the hallway and told them both to go back to their room. Remus then dragged himself to his room and worked as hard as he could over the sound of The Great Escape.

The next day he was a nervous wreck. He was anxiously bobbing his leg all morning, he couldn't even eat breakfast. The first hour of Math they had spent it revising and practicing a little more and then the second hour McGonagall gave them their exams. It had been a total disaster. Remus felt his mind murky and mixed together. He saw the problems on the paper but didn't know where to start or if the way he was doing it was the correct one. His hands had become clammy and itchy, and his mind couldn't focus on one thought at a time. After the exam, he heard Lily saying what he had gotten in each problem, none of which coincided with Remus' answers.

"Maybe, she will give you points for the process" Lily had encouraged. But she couldn't have been further from the reality.

Thursday arrived and Remus was in Physical Education. Madam Hooch had made them practice some Athletics exercises simulating the 'Olympics'. Remus stood out in every racing competition: 100 meters, race with hurdles, relay... Madam Hooch was completely astounded by him. He did struggle at 'shot put' since his skinny arms didn't have enough strength to throw the iron sphere long enough, but succeeding at only some things was better than nothing. After class, Madam Hooch pulled him aside from the group of students to talk with him alone.

"Lupin, you know you're really good at racing, right?" she said with that strong voice of hers that made you think he was scolding you when it was just her tone.

"Thanks, Professor," he said, his hair pasted beside his head with sweat and his cheeks feeling like they could fry an egg.

"Would you be interested in joining the Gryffindor Track Team?" she suggested, one of her eyebrows arched "With proper training, you could be as good as Potter, if not better" she placed a hand on his shoulder. It had surprised him the teacher even suggested that. He was not trained, he had no form, he was just blessed he could run fast, but he wasn't an athlete. It was a nightmare just the idea to be in a team for running and having to train constantly.

"Uh, I don't think so Professor " he pressed his lips together "I'm not interested in extracurriculars right now"

"Well," she clicked her tongue, putting her clipboard under her arm "just know that the offer will be up if you want to enter the team" she patted him two times and then walked away. Remus got to the locker room near the gymnasium to grab his bag, he was walking alone out of the building when she saw a blond head coming right at him.

"Remus, Remus!" Marlene waved, Remus, frowned, and got to her side "McGonagall wants to see you"

"What? Why?" he frowned.

"Dunno', I had Math class last hour and she told me to look for you since she knows we are friends" she shrugged.

He started to think about every possibility of why the Professor might want him, was it Maths? Was it something about his scholarship? Had she learned about the little brawl he and Sirius had on Friday? Was she going to expel him because of it? He hurried, joined with Marlene, to the Maths classroom. He still had his PE clothes on, sweaty and dirty, but he had no time to change.

"Good luck" Marlene wished before Remus entered the room.

Sitting on her desk, McGonagall was writing something, not raising her sight at any moment.

"Did you call me, Professor?" he said walking slowly to the desk.

"Indeed, Mr. Lupin" she looked up at him and straightened her back on the chair "I wanted to talk to you" Remus swallowed.

"I'm here"

"Mr. Lupin" she began, putting her hands together under her chin "it is important to me that you understand your situation very well. You are in Hogwarts because of a scholarship which has a set of conditions to abide"

Oh no, she knows about the fight, Remus thought, I'm fucked, I'm getting expelled, I'm getting thrown to a YOI.

"And I've seen that you've adapted well with your classmates, which is great to see" she nodded firmly "I'm glad that you're with good influences like Miss Evan, Miss Mckinnon, and Miss Macdonald, but also take the chance to improve yourself with their talents" Remus slipped a frown, he didn't understand where McGonagall was going now, he'd thought it was about the fight, it didn't make sense that she mentioned Lily and the rest.

"Here" McGonagall handed him a folded paper and upon grabbing it Remus knew what it was. His exam. He opened the paper, his stomach twisted inside, and he felt like a hole had opened under his feet when he saw the grade. 'F' was written in red ink on the right corner of the exam.

Oh, he had failed. And he had done it miserably.

"Your friend, Miss Evans, is the best Math student that I have in your year," she said, her lips thin in a line "I hope that seeing that note inspires an initiative to ask Miss Evans for some help with my classes. Remember that you cannot have less than a B in a class, Mr. Lupin, much less failed it"

"I understand, Professor" Remus watched the F on the paper as if it was fire, it burned behind his eyes and lit up something inside him, and his fist started to come tighter around the paper wrinkling it.

"Very well, then," Professor McGonagall said, grabbing her pen "you can go"

"Good night, Professor" he nodded and stomped out of the classroom. Marlene was waiting for him outside and her smile fell when she saw his expression.

"Wait, what happened?" she ran after him, trying to keep up with his long strides with her shorter legs.

"This" he handed her the paper and continued walking to Gryffindor Hall. He saw red. He saw his fist on Sirius Black's face.

He looked for the boy in Lion Building but he wasn't there. Remus asked if anybody knew where he was but nobody seemed to know where he went.

Then waiting for him it was.

The hours passed. Sirius didn't go back to Lion all afternoon and Remus didn't see him at dinner. It was as if the boy knew something bad would happen if Remus saw his face, and was purposely hiding. After eating and taking a long warm shower Remus felt less angry than before. Now he felt mostly sad and anxious. He saw that exam over and over again. The numbers on the page mocked him. The red correction marks were like his scars, sinking deep and painfully into his brain. He didn't know what he would do for the next test. He didn't want to ask for Lily's help, he had never needed anyone else but himself, but these were higher leagues, things he hadn't expected. And even if he did ask for her help what if he still didn't understand it? There was something that he feared more than failing that class, and it was feeling stupid.

The door of the room opened up around 10, interrupting his sulking. He saw Peter enter the room and sat down, forgetting immediately about what he had been thinking seconds ago.

"Is Sirius here?" he asked and Peter knitted his bushy brows.

"Uh, yeah, he's..." music in the room next door started playing and that gave Remus all the information that he needed. He stood up from his bed, feeling all the rage of the afternoon coming back again at that single moment. He didn't feel sadness, he didn't feel anxious anymore. He just felt rage; pure, raw, maddening, hot anger. He got out of his room and burst through the door of Room C-11.

"You fuckin' selfish prick" he growled charging toward Sirius who was standing near a window beside his record player. He backed away as soon as he saw Remus getting closer.

"Are you crazy?" Sirius jumped from place to place, dodging Remus' attempts to get him.

"Ay dios" James jumped off his feet and tried to get between the two boys.

"Is your fuckin' fault!' Remus yelled pointing at the long-haired boy.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked confused, taking cover behind James.

"You and you bloody music! I failed because I couldn't study. You're fucking music was too loud and I asked ya' to turn it down but you didn't fucking care" he hollered, stepping closer to the two guys as he stepped back.

"Well, if you would've asked nicer!" Sirius peeked his head from James' shoulder, wearing a scowl.

"That was nicer!" Remus yelled.

"'Turn that shit down' is nicer?" Sirius protested "Well then you deserve each fail that you have" Remus groaned and charged against Sirius again, making him run out from James' protection.

"Help!" he said jumping on his bed, Remus followed him and grabbed his ankle, falling over the mattress. Sirius got out of his grip and rushed through the door, Remus got up and went outside to tackle Sirius but he found a very confused and angry Frank waiting for them in the hallway.

"One of you care to explain what is all that noise and screaming?" he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Er..." Remus saw how Peter and James each took their heads out of the rooms.

"Pete why are you...?"Frank looked at the two and then at Sirius and him, and Remus could tell something clicked in the mind of the older boy.

"Oh, you filthy hooligans" Frank muttered and Remus almost burst out laughing at the ridiculous curse "You have traded rooms with Peter, Sirius?" he said, more in a statement than as a question.

"Uh, no is just..."

"Don't lie to me, Black" Frank huffed "You both get your stuff and go back to your assigned rooms" he said with a strict voice.

"Alright," Sirius pressed his lips together and sighed.

"Now!" Frank scolded and that startled them all, making Peter and Sirius walk inside the rooms to look for their stuff. Remus hadn't seen the older boy mad until that night, he didn't seem like the type to do so often. He looked like a giant teddy bear, soft and round, with shiny brown hair and freckles.

"And you Lupin, don't think I haven't heard what happened," he said to him, with a tone that reminded Remus of Gloria "Get your shit together, mate"

Peter and Sirius arranged their things faster than they had expected. Sirius got into Peter's old bed reluctantly and Remus got into his watching Sirius with a murdering face.

"Don't even think and try to play smart with me, I'll come to check this room every night, several times if I need to" Frank warned before closing the doors "And I don't wanna hear any fights break out in Lion, or Gryffindor Hall for that sake. If you want to kill each other, wait until next year when I've already graduated"

Remus stared at the boy on the other bed. He looked as mad as Remus, but neither of them talked or even made eye contact. The tension could be felt in the air and if Remus had been a little bolder or deranged, Sirius would know to sleep with an eye open.

September 22nd, 1995

Friday morning had already been a presage of what that day would be. Remus woke up a little after 7, he had been lucky to not have overslept. He showered and dressed up quickly, and when he got out of the bathroom he saw Sirius still dozing away. Classes started at eight so they had less than an hour to eat and prepare for them. Remus debated whether to wake up the other boy while he put his things in his saddle. He could be the better person and wake him up, they had a small English quiz that morning. But he had never been the better person. He remembered the rage he had felt the day before, and that scornful smile Sirius had given to him, not caring about being responsible for Remus' bad grade.

Is not my problem then. He decided.

He went to the Dining Hall and grabbed a quick breakfast. As he walked through the hall he saw James and Peter looking at him, then James seemed to realize something and his face fell. He told something to Peter and both boys jumped out of their seats and got out of the Dining Hall. After eating, Remus went to English with the girls. They sat down and Professor Indigo arrived just as the bell rang. Remus noticed that neither James nor Peter had come back, and, of course, Sirius Black wasn't present either. The three boys plunged through the door as Professor Indigo was handing out the quizzes. Sirius looked disheveled, with his tie loose, the first couple of buttons on his shirt open and his saddle hanging out from his forearm dragging his jacket under his shoulder.

"Potter, Pettigrew, Black, you're all late" Indigo announced pursing his lips.

"Sorry professor, my alarm clock didn't work this morning" Sirius glanced deathly at Remus as he walked to his desk with James and Peter behind him. Remus' lips quirked up a little, he didn't feel bad.

Fuck it, it felt really good, in fact.

They did their quizzes and Remus could feel the gray eyes burning behind his neck through the two hours. Sirius could watch him and send him glares as much as he wanted, but Remus wasn't scared easily, much less for a 175m poncy boy with long hair and an attitude.

In French class, the next hour, James kept eyeing him every three seconds. Remus didn't understand the persistence of the boy, he continued to sit with Remus even after the fight on Friday and didn't stop helping him when Mr. D'Vaux asked him, he only did more cautiously. Remus thought that the boy had to be unstable in some way. When Remus was coming out of the classroom James called his name:

"Remus, Remus! Wait up!" James ran to his side and smiled softly "Can I call you Remus right?"

"Sure" Remus shrugged not understanding where that was going. They continued walking through the halls, Remus going to Art class and James following closely.

"I just wanted to say sorry, on Sirius' behalf" he started and Remus frowned. Of course, Sirius didn't have the balls to come to apologize.

"Look, Sirius is a difficult person. Believe me, I know." James chuckled "He sometimes says and does things he doesn't mean to, it's just the way that he is" he tried explaining "I'm not asking you to understand but I just wanted to say that to you, and maybe hoped that you two can talk" Remus glanced at the boy as if he was telling him the most demented thing in the world "you are roommates in the end, you're bound to be together a lot" he smirked, showing his deep dimples. Remus looked at the other boy and thought about it for a second.

James Potter was nice, nicer than any boy Remus had ever met. And the way he had said things made Remus reconsider everything, not because he felt bad all of the sudden or because he understood Sirius now, but because he didn't want to say no to that hopeful kid in front of him.

Damn you, James Potter.

"I don't have notin' against you or Peter" he admitted " and I do appreciate the help in French," James' eyes softened behind his rounded glasses and Remus sighed deeply "I'll try to talk with 'im, but I don't promise not'ing" James grinned widely.

"That's fantastic! Cheers," the boy said, excited.

"Remus!" Lily appeared in the hallway and walked to them.

"Evans, hey" James beamed.

"Potter" Lily glanced dismissively at the other boy and got closer to Remus.

"'Er Evans, I was wondering" James began, scratching the back of his neck "if you wanted to go with me to the Bonfire tonight" Lily scowled and pressed her lips together.

"I'm already going with Remus" she wrapped her arm around his arm, and Remus' eyes widened.

He was doing what now?

"Oh" James glanced at Remus, his smile fell from his face "right" he chuckled nervously and then cleared his throat "well then, I'm going to class" he pointed forward, his voice lower than it had been some seconds ago.

"Fine," Lily said and the boy walked away from them.

"Lily?" Remus questioned. He hadn't even thought about going to that awful Bonfire that night, he wanted to go to his room and read with a cup of tea beside him.

"I'm sorry, Remus!" she shrieked, putting a hand on her face "I didn't know what to do, I panicked" Remus sighed and gave her a little smile.

"'Orright" he said "guess now I'll have to go"

"I'm sorry," she said again and he waved at her dismissively. If he was indeed going at least it would be good to go with someone he actually liked.

As the night arrived, excitement from every older student could be heard around Godric's Campus, year 10's looked at his older classmates with jealous stares, and Remus looked back at them with the same jealousy. What wouldn't he give to stay in Gryffindor Hall too? He saw Sirius, James, and Peter come out of their rooms around 7, running eagerly out of Lion Building. He put on the best sweater he got -the one that had fewer holes and didn't smell like a retirement home-, some jeans, and his boots. He hoped that it was appropriate attire for Lily. He went to Scarlet Building and waited for her on the patio. She came down with Marlene some minutes later. They both looked really pretty. Lily was wearing a long floral skirt with a knitted red sweater that matched her hair, and Marlene had a black turtle neck under a floral dress and some black tights.

"Hey there" Marlene saluted. She had dark makeup on, Remus noticed when she came closer.

"Are you ready?" Lily asked him. For some reason, Remus started to feel kind of anxious.

"Uh, yeah" he replied, swallowing his nerves. They walked down Godric's Campus, to where Slytherin Hall was. On the street, dozens of students were walking in that direction as well. Remus observed that some even carried bottles of booze shamelessly. Remus jumped a small fence at the limit between Godric's Campus and the woods, as other kids were doing. He then helped the girls and they followed the other students deep into the forest.

"Uh, and where's Mary?" Remus asked, pulling a branch aside for Lily and Marlene to pass by.

"She went earlier because he was meeting with Daryl" Marlene rolled her eyes and laughed.

From the distance, Remus saw an orange light creeping between the trees. As they got closer, music, laughter, and loud voices could be made over the stillness of the dark woods. They finally arrived at a big clear, it had a big bonfire at the center of it and people spread around, some sitting in folding chairs and others talking while holding drinks.

"Hey, guys!" someone yelled, they saw Mary walking towards them, waving with one hand and holding a boy with her other "The drinks are over there, come" she guided them to the other side of the bonfire. There were several cool boxes filled to the brim with bottles and cans of beer. They had a makeshift 'bar' with a folding table covered with dozens of bottles of booze and mixers. Remus watched the familiar shapes of the Gin and Vodka bottles, and his mind flew years back.

He used to drink with one older boy from Waterfront and his gang. His name was Scratch or at least that was what he said his name was. Scratch used to escape at night with his group and went to Off-licenses to buy the cheapest alcohol their fifteen-year-old hands could get. He had started to invite Remus at twelve-years-old after he had punched another boy unconscious for insulting him and Scratch and his friends had found it amazing. Remus had tried his first beer and his first cigarette with the lot. He had thought that they were cool. How could they not? They drank, they smoked, they did everything they wanted and got into fights with anyone who dared eye them wrong. Remus didn't want to be seen as the weak kid in the group, so he joined them in these things too. Drinking the same as them, talking the same as them, and smoking anything they smoked. As a result, Remus had already blacked out three different times before the age of fourteen. When Scratch and his gang were thrown away from Waterfront because they had turned eighteen, Remus had grown so sick of hard alcohol that he decided to stick only to beers and cigarettes.

He grabbed one pint for himself and offered another to Lily who still hadn't decided what to drink.

"Oh no, I don't want alcohol" she shook her head and dragged his green eyes to the table. Remus shrugged and popped his bear open sipping a bit. Mary and Daryl left together to talk with other people, and Marlene looked around while drinking her Vodka.

"I think I'll just drink pop tonight" Lily shrugged and went over to the cool box beside the table. As she opened the lid, James appeared at the site, reaching for a drink too.

"Oops, sorry," he said with a little smile, removing his hand to let Lily grab her drink first. Lily grabbed a Cola and went back beside Remus. He noticed James watching them from the cool box, the boy didn't say anything but it seemed like thousands of thoughts were driving through his brain.

"Eh, come on, Remus, let's go" Lily pulled him by the arm and they walked away. Remus glanced back to where James was and saw the boy going to Sirius and Peter. He said something to the two boys and Sirius looked around, finally catching Remus' eyes. The boy put on a grave face and angrily downed the rest of his drink in one big chug.

Remus turned around and decided to ignore the boy for that night. He was there with Marlene and Lily, and he didn't want them to see that side of him. The girls started talking with another girl and a boy whose names Remus didn't catch on. He limited himself to just standing on the side and listening to their conversation, he was more comfortable that way. About three beers down and a lot of talk from the girls, Lily pulled him aside for a moment.

"Are you enjoying this?" she asked worriedly.

"Uh, yes" he frowned "Why? 'You wanna go?"

"No, it's just that you haven't talked a lot and I know you didn't even want to come here in the first place, and it's my fault that..." Remus put a hand in front of her face, stopping the redhead from her rambling.

"Lily, it's fine, I promise, I'm ok" he smiled at her, trying to comfort the girl, but he had never been good at that.

"Ok," she sighed, and then a beam appeared on her lips. At least Remus' words had worked in some way.

"I'm gonna smoke a cig, I'll be back" he informed her, and she gave him a disapproved look, but said nothing.

Remus broke away from the group, walking around the bonfire to find a secluded place to smoke in peace, but it was an impossible task. Anywhere with the slightest shade or solitude was invaded by desperate couples, eating each other's faces in the grossest way Remus had ever seen. As he walked toward the end, he smelled cigarette smoke and another familiar scent nearby. He followed the smell as a shark followed a single droplet of blood in the ocean and entered the woods again. Just some meters away from clear he saw three guys sitting on rocks surrounded by big clouds of white smoke. He kept his distance and pulled out his cigarette pack, putting one between his lips, but when he was about to light it the small flame from his lighter didn't appear. He clicked it several times, trying to make it work, but it only sent small sparks. He groaned and put it in his pocket angrily. He glanced at the three other boys and walked over to them.

"Got a light?" he asked them. One of the guys smiled at him and took out a zippo getting it closer to his face and lighting his cigarette "Cheers" he said after dragging from it, blowing smoke to the other side.

"'You new, mate?" the guy with the zippo asked. He had blond hair, almost white, down to his shoulders, blue eyes, and wore a Hippie-looking outfit. Remus nodded.

"What happened to your face?" one of the other guys asked stranged and Remus tensed all over.

"You don't ask those things, Flynn, are you daft?" the third guy slapped him behind his head.

"Sorry," Flynn said with a guilty smile. Remus knew that the guys were out of it, so he paid no mind to the question.

"Wankers" the blond guy cackles "So what's your name?" he pointed at him with his chin.

"Remus" he pulled from his cigarette and tapped the ash away.

"Remus" the guy hummed "wicked" he commented and dragged from his cigarette, a messier-looking one "Xenophilius Lovegood" he put his empty hand on his chest "but you can call me Xeno, or Philius, or anything really, I dunno care" he laughed again.

"Right"

"What you smokin'?" Xeno asked, bending forward to see Remus' hand.

"Marlboro red's" Remus muttered and Xeno clicked his tongue.

"'Course you are" Xeno commented with a chuckle and Remus wondered what the guy meant by that.

"'r those spliffs?" Remus pointed at Xeno's hand with his cigarette and he nodded.

"D'you want sum?" he raised an eyebrow and offered his blunt to Remus. He looked at the spliff, hesitantly "Is just weed, purest that there is, nothing laced" he guaranteed and Remus took the cigarette with his empty hand. He dragged deeply and felt the burning smoke inside his chest. He coughed a little and Xeno cackled, grabbing his cigarette back.

"See, told'ya" Xeno smirked and dragged again. Remus continued smoking with the guy, alternating between his cigarette and Xeno's.

After they both had burnt out, Remus felt that familiar lightheaded and relaxed sensation inside him. He was lying on the rock, looking up a the stars while Xeno talked to him about something Remus had lost track of long ago. The night sky was a big mantel of black, with blurry white dots that made Remus' head dizzy. The moon wasn't there, Remus had just realized, he sat up and squinted his eyes hard.

"There's no moon," he said to Xeno and the guy sat up and stared at the sky.

"Well, of course, the government took it" he reasoned with a serious face. Remus looked down and felt his mouth awfully dry.

"D'you have sum' to drink?" he asked with his eyebrows pulled together.

"Here" Xeno handed him a cup that was sitting on the ground. Remus sensed the heavy liquid on his hand and gulped it all down "bloody hell!" Xeno laughed and Remus felt his throat burning, it was like rubbing alcohol and gasoline all at once.

"What's that?" he grimaced, looking at the empty cup.

"A mix of mine. It has about everything on the table" Xeno explained and Remus put down the cup.

"I'm gonna get water" he announced and he stood up from the rock.

He walked to the table, not knowing where he was walking or how he had gotten so fast to where he wanted. He had only one thing on his mind. Water. He needed water. He reached for a bottle of water from a cool box and drank it all in one go. He felt his throat and stomach refreshing like they had been cleaned with soap and water.

There should be a way to clean your insides with soap and water.

He was drinking from the second water bottle, already feeling much better, when he heard his name behind his back.

"Lupin!" someone yelled, Remus turned around and saw a drunk Sirius stumbling toward him "Lupin!" he said again, grabbing the attention of everyone around them "You, you fuckin' tosser" Remus frowned, feeling his temples throbbing painfully.

"What d'you want, Black?" he spat.

"You, you ruined everything" Sirius came closer and put a finger on Remus' chest "you...you came here... and made James and I separate... and then because of you Frank knows" he slurred his words, and struggled to keep still on his feet.

"What? That was because of you!" Remus exclaimed he felt like his words didn't come out right, but he wasn't going to keep quiet.

"And then you didn't even wake me up this morning, I almost missed the Indigo's quiz" he protested, raising his voice further.

"That's for makin' me fail Maths" Remus stepped closer, facing Sirius.

"I don't have a fuck to do with that," he said, scowling "you've been bothering us since you came here, you fucking best friend's-girlfriend-stealer" Sirius pushed Remus, making him hit the table on his back. A couple of cups fell and Remus felt his body burning up like the bonfire right next to him. He pushed Sirius as well, making him wobble back. The other boy returned the hit and they started going at each other, pushing harder and harder every time.

"Pads! Pads!" James and Peter hurried to the scene.

"Not now, James, don't you see I'm trying to beat the guy that stole your girl?" Sirius exclaimed and James opened his eyes widely.

"Remus! What's happening?" he heard Lily arrive at his side.

"See!" Sirius yelled before charging toward Remus and pushing him again, Lily wailed in horror and ran far from the boys.

"Fuck off" Remus tried to push Sirius but the boy grabbed his arms hard and pushed back. They were tussling with each other, trying to get the other down, when they tripped from the force and crashed with the table. What happened next felt like it went in slow motion. Everything flew out of it, the bottles of alcohol crashed against the dirt. One of them burst open close to the bonfire. Fire caught up and every single broken buttle burst up in flames. Screams were heard from everywhere. The fire caught quickly into the wet grass and a chair started to burn. Students bolted out of the site, shouting and crying.

Remus lay in the grass a couple of meters away from the mess. A burst of flames exploded and Remus crawled backing away. He turned to the other boy who looked terrified at the big fire spreading through the whole clear.

"Pete, there's a fire extinguisher there!" Remus heard James yell. They were the only ones left in the forest.

"Here" Peter gave the fire extinguisher to James and he unlocked it pointing it at the flames. But when he tried to use it, nothing came out of the red tube.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed in frustration "Por qué...no sirve.. esta...chingada!" he said banging the fire extinguisher against the floor between each word. It finally budged and James pointed it to the fire again, killing it and splashing some of that foam on Remus and Sirius. James fell down beside the empty can and sighed loudly.

"Shit that was close" the clear had become completely dark. The only light was from the stars above them.

Remus looked up and only one thought went through his mind.

The moon. It was a new moon, that's why it wasn't there.

He wanted to laugh remembering what Xeno had said about it. He wanted to laugh at Sirius. He wanted to laugh at the mess they both had made. He wanted to laugh because they could've just died right there but they didn't. He didn't know if it was because he was a little crazy or if it was the weed on his system talking. But everything became sour quickly when he saw McGonagall and the keeper, Filch, coming out of the woods. McGonogall had her small eyes all the way opened, watching the mess that appeared in front of her. Then she turned to the four boys and the look that she had on told Remus that he wasn't going to laugh with was about to come his way.

Chapter Text

"There is a certain clinical satisfaction  in seeing just how bad things can get"
-The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath by Silvia Plath.

To say that McGonagall was angry was an understatement. The headmistress was furious, her usual steady and compose nature had become cold and harsh that night after the accident. The four boys were escorted to her office. Filch was also foaming in the mouth, yelling about how kids nowadays were rotten and how Sirius and he deserved to be hung from their thumbs for the disaster. McGonagall had spent about two hours interrogating come students present at the bonfire, to have a clear story of the events. Sirius and Remus had been sitting outside her office, trying to sober up, waiting for their turns to go inside. James and Peter were there too, looking worried -Peter more than James-, and the professor made them go before Sirius and him. James had tried to spread the blame between the four of them, but McGonagall already knew that Sirius and Remus had full responsibility.

"I tried, Pads" the boy coming out of her office with a sad face.

When they went inside McGonagall gave them a scold that lasted for another hour. She said that they had behaved like animals, that it all could've been fatal. "Someone could've died!" she had said. That it was also outrageous that they -both fifteen- had been participating in the consuming of substances.

"I could expel you both for this," she said, and Remus felt like passing out right there. He couldn't go back to London, no "I thought I had made myself very clear with you Mr. Lupin, you, unlike Mr. Black, have a lot to lose" she pointed out with a severe look and Remus felt his face burning.

"I'm sorry" he muttered as if that could undo what they had done.

"And you Mr. Black, I'll have to inform your parents about all," McGonagall said and Remus noticed how Sirius clenched his jaw, his face had darkened.

"But at least nobody got hurt," she ran a hand over her face full of worry and sighed "you won't be expelled" Remus let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding "but you will have detention until further notice" she looked at them with a stern expression and they nodded, both with evident relief on their faces.

Remus couldn't sleep that night, and it seemed like Sirius couldn't either. The other boy had been tossing and turning for some time then suddenly got up around 4 and sneaked into Room C-11, carefully closing the door behind him. The next day everyone was giving them dirty looks at breakfast. It was safe to say the whole school knew about the incident and they had each their own version of it.

"I heard that you even took out a knife and threatened to kill Sirius" Mary had said that morning and Remus scowled.

"What?" he didn't even own a knife.

"People like to talk shit, don't listen to anything they're saying" Marlene suggested, raising her eyebrow at Mary. 

The spot beside Remus was empty, Lily hadn't joined them at breakfast and when he asked about her Mary and Marlene just said that she was studying in her room. But Lily hadn't appeared at lunch or dinner either, or all throughout Sunday. It wasn't until Monday morning that Remus saw the girl. She entered the Dining Hall with a grave face and sat down beside Remus without speaking a word. Marlene and Mary glanced at them with uncomfortable eyes, and Remus knew that he had upset the redhead in some way. He didn't know how to approach the matter or what to say to the girl. He had never dealt with things like that, friendships and feelings were something that he couldn't afford on Waterfront or East End streets. Lily changed seats with Marlene that first hour at English class and the blond sent a pity look to Remus.

"Don't worry, it will pass her, just give it time" she assured and Remus hoped she was right. He had started to get comfortable with the girl's friendship, and now that she ignored him it felt like someone had punched him in the gut. 

At History class, that Monday, McGonagall had entered the classroom, interrupting Professor Binn's lesson on Ancient Rome.

"Pardon me, Professor, Mr. Black could you come with me?" she called and Sirius went to the door with a pale face. He didn't return to the classroom, and Remus didn't see him until lunch. There, he sat down with Peter and James at their usual table, but he didn't have that smug look on him that he always had. He appeared disconnected from his surroundings, only staring at one spot on the table.

Their detention started after classes. They met with McGonagall and she assigned each a task, Sirius had to go to help Madam Hooch set things for the Football practice and Remus had to go help Mrs. Hawthorne, their Science teacher, at the Lab. Remus felt like he had no sense of smell left after two hours of cleaning dozens of beakers and test tubes. He returned to Gryffindor Hall around 5 and fell down in his bed. He wasn't even hungry anymore. He just took a shower and lay on his bed listening to the outside noise. Sirius arrived later at night, still having that sour expression on him.

Tuesday morning was about the same as the day before: Lily ignoring him, people whispering when he walked by and Sirius Black with his gloomy face. He was already having a bad day when a group of boys approached him during his free hour. There were five boys, he recognized three of them: Mulciber, Avery -who he had some classes with-, and, behind the whole group, Snape. 

"Oi! Lupin" Avery came beside him with a nasty crooked smile "is it true that you almost killed Black?" he cackled.

"Sod off," he said with an annoyed expression. He knew he ought to not seek any more fights, he was already walking in a very thin line with McGonagall.

"Uhh, but why the grumpy face, Lupin?" Mulciber came to his other side "Just be happy that they didn't throw you away" he bumped Remus with his shoulder and he reminded himself to stay calm and not let any of what they could say affect him.

"Yeah, I thought that you would end up having Filch's job after that mess" Avery added with a laugh.

"He's already cleaning toilets, they told me," one of the other guys said with a smile.

"Right! So you're halfway there, Lupin!" Mulciber put his hand around Remus' shoulder and he brushed it off immediately.

"This is what Hogwarts get when they allow low-lifes to plague the whole school" Avery hinted and Remus turned instantly at the boy, grabbing Avery from the collar of his shirt. 

"Uhh" Mulciber hooted then laughed, Avery gave him a scornful grin and snorted.

"'Come on Lupin, show us what a criminal like you can do" he encouraged. Remus was fuming, he felt his blood boiling inside his veins, his heart beating so loud that he couldn't hear his own thoughts, he felt an uncontrollable rage that threatened to explode at any time.

Don't listen to anything they're saying, Marlene's words echoed inside his mind.

His breath shook. No, he couldn't get into any more trouble. Fuck them, fuck everything, fuck that fucking rich school with its fucking rich kids.

He let Avery go with a push and stomped away from the group of boys. Hearing their nasty comments as he went away.  He thought that the worst had happened, but waiting for him, outside his Art classroom was Lily.

"Remus" she called with a steady voice, one that was a lot like McGonogall's "Hi"

"Hi?" Remus said, with a tone harsher than he had meant. Lily was surprised by this and raised her chin immediately in some sort of defensive posture.

"I've come to talk to you" she began, "Marlene told me that you felt bad"

Bloody hell Marlene, perfect timing.

"So I wanted to tell you why I'm not talking to you" she informed "I don't like how you're behaving Remus. The childish stuff, the fight, and the thing on the bonfire..." Remus felt the lingering traces of anger starting to light again "you're acting...you're acting like a..."

"Like a criminal?" he interrupted her with his jaw clenched.

"I didn't say that" Lily scowled.

"You didn't have to" Remus scoffed, feeling vicious, poison in his tongue. He had had enough with Avery and Mulciber, he didn't need Lily to treat him like rubbish too.

"You know I don't see you as that" Lily defended.

"Do ya'? You don't know anything 'bout me, we met three weeks ago" he spat and she looked at him with a hurt expression.

"Fine," she said, her voice quavering "whatever you want, Remus" she turned on her heels and walked away from there.

He entered Art class trembling from rage, but after his anger had worn out he started to feel like shit. Lily had come to talk with him, maybe to even apologize, and he had ruined everything like he always did. To make matters worse, for his detention that day he had to help sort some books with Professor Binns, who kept talking about the history of Hogwarts and how it had been a living castle before it had been a school or something, Remus stopped listening after a while.

By Thursday, he felt like it all was too much. He hadn't shown his face at the girls' table since the fight with Lily, he couldn't, and exams just cluttered his mind further. So, in his free hour before PE, he sought comfort in his cigarettes. He couldn't wait to get to his usual spot so he took out a box of matches he had found in his trunk and a cigarette from his pack, and tried to light it at an empty area outside.

"If it's not 'Remus the Legend Lupin'" someone said behind his back, he turned around with a scowl and saw one of Xeno's friends, the one that had asked him about his scars. Flynn, he recalled. He had a smirk on and glanced at Remus' hands "Still without a light?" he questioned with a chuckle.

"What do you want?" Remus spat, not having the patience or time to deal with more people like Avery and that sort.

"Nun'" the guy shrugged, stepping in front of Remus "jus' passing by" he took out a lighter and handed it to him "Here" Remus grabbed the lighter with a frown and finally lit his cig. 

"Everyone's talking 'bout what you did on the Bonfire" Flynn raised his eyebrows and Remus glanced at the boy threateningly while letting out the smoke "quite shocking, innit?" he laughed and Remus sighed, somehow the other boy seemed to always look stoned with his lazy dark eyes.

"Yeah, right" Remus snorted, dragging from his cigarette again and handing back the lighter to Flynn.

"There, you can have it, I have others" he shook his head full of brown dreads "you can pass the fag" he suggested and Remus gave it to him as a 'thank you' for the lighter.

"By the way" he started, letting the smoke out of his mouth and giving back the cigarette to Remus "I'm sorry for what I asked you that night" he smiled softly "I'm sort of a tosser when I'm high" he scrunched his pierced nose and Remus looked at him.

"Sorta?" he questioned with irony and the other boy laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, wanker, I'm sayin' sorry now, am I?" he said and Remus rolled his eyes with a small smirk on his lips. 

"Right" he dragged and passed it to Flynn again. His mood had improved a lot.

"So tell me," the other boy dragged "What's on your mind? You look in anguish, mate" Remus grabbed his cigarette and frowned at the boy.

"We don't know each other" he laughed, the mere thought of spilling his problems to a stranger was ridiculous to him.

"And maybe that's why you should just open up" he shrugged "I won't tell anyone" he promised and Remus sighed. He thought about it for a while. He already had it bad, what else could happen? At least he could rant freely with that boy, and maybe Flynn would be too high to remember anything the next day.

"I don't know" Remus shrugged "'m jus' a bad person, I guess"

"For blowing up the Bonfire?" Flynn questioned with a laugh "doubt it, it happens to the best of us" he raised his dark eyebrows and Remus chuckled.

"'s not just that" Remus rolled his eyes "I fucked up with a friend" he looked down to the perfect green grass that Hogwarts' gardens got.

"Fucked it up how?"

"I said sum' nasty stuff to her" Remus pursed his lips and then dragged again.

"Then apologize," Flynn said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Remus was dumb for not seeing it.

"'s not that easy" Remus shook his head and looked at the boy.

"Uhm, yes it is unless you killed her dog...which is mostly unforgettable. You can just go and be sincere with her" Flynn raised his hands and Remus stared for some seconds at the guy. In his weed-infused words, there were some truths. Remus needed to talk with Lily, he had to make things right, he had to at least try. It was more than he usually did anyway.

He finished smoking the cigarette with Flynn and then went to PE, feeling like something great had just been revealed before his eyes. At dinner, he pulled aside Lily. The redhead looked at him hesitantly but followed him out of the Dining Hall. She kept her distance from him, standing with her arms crossed over he chest.

"What's wrong?" she asked, eyebrow raised expectantly.

"'Er, Lily, I..." he swallowed hard, he didn't know how to do any of that "I'm sorry..." he blurted out "...for what I said to you" Lily's serious expression didn't quaver indicating Remus he needed to do more than just say 'sorry'. "I was a total tosser that day" he pressed his lips together with a sigh "I know that you don't see me like that, I know that you're not like 'em. Nun' of you girls are" he raised his eyebrows " I shouldn't have treated you that way, you're my friend" he made a pause "and I want to still be yer' friend for much longer than three weeks if you want to" Lily's face softened and gave Remus a little smile.

"'s fine, Remus, thank you for apologizing" she put a strand of her behind her ear "I shouldn't have told you those things either, you're right I don't know you that much" she glanced for a moment to another spot, ashamed.

"Don't say that" Remus scoffed "you're practically the longest friend I've ever had" he shrugged and she gave him a compassionate look. Remus frowned and shook his head immediately "don't give me pity, Lily" he chastised "Is nothing sad, I jus' usually don't do friends" he rolled his eyes with a little smile.

"Sorry" she chuckled, "promise that I won't do it again" Remus looked at her happily.

He did it. Flynn had been right all along. Perhaps apologizing didn't work for the majority, but Lily Evans wasn't the majority. She was kinder than most people, he was really lucky to have her as a friend.

Friday came around and things had got a little better now that he had Lily by his side again. Even with all the long hours of detention, he felt like in the end everything had resulted better than it could've gone, and partly was thanks to James Potter's fast thinking. He looked at the other boy when they were exiting French class that day, if it wasn't for him the fire could've spread further into the forest.

"Hey, James" he called him, stopping the boy outside the classroom. James turned to him with his eyebrows raised "uhm, thanks, for eh... saving us" it felt weird to say to the boy, Remus wished he could go back in time and not say that to him.

"Oh" James seemed surprised "'course, anyone would've done that" James shrugged with a grin. Remus recalled how everyone present had flown the clear without even looking back, he and Peter were the only ones that stayed to help. 

"Right" he nodded and walked away, not trying to refute James' perfect view of the world. 

He then went to one week ago, where, at that same hour, Lily had rejected James for Remus. The boy had looked pretty hurt by the girl's decline and Remus felt some sort of guilt but Lily had insisted that she had just stroked his big ego, that James didn't actually care for her like that. Remus chose to believe her, of course. He also didn't want to be part of whatever feud they had between the two, he had already had enough with his and Sirius'.

That night when he came to his room he saw said boy lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling with a record playing beside him. He hadn't played much music in their room those last few days, almost every night sneaking into room C-11; but it seemed like he was trying to make up for lost time since Bohemian Rhapsody played as loud as the record player could get. Sirius didn't have an expression on his face, he had his gray eyes stuck above him. It was like he didn't have any emotion or life in him. Remus just glanced at him and went over to his bed to grab his book.

Mama. Ohhh. I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

The boy was certainly in a gloomy mood.

October 4th, 1995

It was the end of the classes, Remus had just come out of French class and was walking to the Music classroom to look for Sirius (McGonagall's orders). James was walking beside him, he had insisted on going with him to look for his best friend. When they got to the classroom he saw Marlene, who smiled at them.

"Hello, boys" she greeted "what' you doing around here?"

"Hey, Marls, looking for Sirius actually" James smirked.

"He was late yesterday for detention, McGonagall told me to look for 'im today" Remus sighed tiredly and Marlene chuckled.

"Of course" she shook her blond head, "he's still inside" she pointed at the classroom and Remus peeked his head in. The music classroom was a big white room with steps on one side with music stands and instruments. Sirius was beside a grand piano putting away his thing into his saddle. When he saw Remus he frowned and walked to him.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned, confused.

"McGonagall told me to get you since you were late yesterday" he pointed with disdain and Sirius huffed "she wants us in the Library"

"Right" he got out and smiled when he saw James talking with Marlene. The girl said goodbye and the three boys set out to the Library; James and Sirius were at the front talking while Remus stalled back with his hands inside his pockets. They saw McGonagall already waiting for them outside the place with the librarian on her side, and James went away without forgetting to give them a 'good luck'.

"Thanks, Mr. Lupin, for getting Mr. Black early," the Professor said looking at the shorter boy, "well, you're going to help Mrs. Pince to organize some books, listen to what she instructs you" she signed the other woman with her head "Mrs. Pince I think you got everything set from here" McGonagall glanced at her.

"Yes, Professor, thank you" Mrs. Pince nodded and McGonagall walked away "boys, follow me" she guided them inside, to the very end of the Library, where the older books reside. It smelled like mold and dirt in that area. There were a lot of boxes on the floor, filled to the brim with books.

"We've had these books kept away for years, now it's time to let them see light again" she announced pointing at the boxes.

They won't see much of it anyways, Remus thought as he saw the flickering lightbulbs above of them.

"Sort them out in this section and take out those that are deteriorating" they nodded and she went away. They tossed their jackets and saddles aside and got to work.

The books in those boxes were in terrible condition. Most of them had crumbling yellow pages, leather covers that were peeling away, or white mold that had spread on almost all their surface. They all had a Hogwarts imprint on the front, and Remus wondered how long those books had existed in the castle. They were probably older than Mrs. Pince herself. He had piled more discarded books than placed those whose were still useful. Sirius was some steps beside him. Neither of them didn't say a word to the other and Remus avoided grabbing books from the same box Sirius was sorting. He could hear the other boy angrily muttering things in French all through the first hour until he finally turned to Remus and said:

"I should be anywhere else, but no" the boy started "I'm stuck here with you" he whined. Remus didn't look at him, Sirius could cry how much he wanted, Remus didn't care for his complaints, they were stuck there because of their stupid feud.

"Are you not going to say anything?" Sirius asked, putting a book aggressively on the shelf. Remus shrugged and grabbed another book from the box.

"Is your fault you know, nothing of this would've happened if you just hadn't come with your big attitude" Sirius added.

Maybe it was true, maybe he had sought a fight with the boy when he questioned his music taste, and maybe he had gone a little too far when he had insulted Blur; but he'd never admit it to the boy, he would rather spend every day sorting books for Mr. Pince than admit to Sirius that he had been in the wrong. Also, Sirius had as much blame as him in the matter.

"Right" Remus scoffed "I'm the one with the attitude problem"

"Wut?!" Sirius exclaimed "I tried to be nice to you weeks ago. You're the one that's always grumpy" Remus rolled his eyes "see!" Sirius pointed with his hands.

"I'd be happier if you jus' shut up" he placed the book he had in his hand into the History section.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Sirius asked confused, stepping closer. Remus glanced at him with a frown.

"I don't feel any sort of feeling for you, Black, don't believe you're that important" he spat, the other boy was starting to get on his nerves. Sirius stared at him for some seconds, trying to say something back, but he just groaned and went back to sorting books.

The tension could be felt in the air and, in the end, Remus had won, Sirius didn't say anything more. Remus was finishing his second box of books when he stumbled on one that caught his attention. It didn't have Hogwarts' imprint and was really worn out at the edges. It was 'The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson'. He opened the book and on the front page had one name written on it: 'O.M. Robinson'. He flipped the pages, they were full of annotations and doodles. On the back, it had a fading stamp from a bookstore, and the print date of the book, which was 1952. 

"What's that?" Sirius questioned looking at the book with disdain.

"It doesn't have Hogwarts' imprint" Remus muttered and walked away, to the front desk of the Library. He gave the book to Mrs. Pince and explained to her what he had found.

"Oh, one student probably left it long ago" she clicked her tongue and grabbed the book "I'll do something with it, thanks Mr. Lupin" he nodded and went back to the old section.

"What was it?" Sirius asked and Remus shrugged.

"Dunno, don't care" 

"Of course" Sirius rolled his eyes.

They spent an hour more sorting the remaining books. They were sorting the last few books when Remus heard Sirius singing under his breath. He recognized the tune, Starman by David Bowie. It was one of his favorite songs. And he hated to admit it, but Sirius didn't have a bad voice, it was surprisingly good; it only made Remus hate him more.  Remus didn't realize he had been humming and bobbing his head along until Sirius stopped and looked at him. His grey eyes glittered with surprise and his brows were pulled together.

"You like Bowie?" he questioned in a way that was half surprised, half offended.

"Uhm" Remus looked at him "yeah" he mumbled putting a book on the shelf. Sirius stared at him conflicted as if Remus had said something ridiculous. He opened his mouth to say something but someone interrupted him.

"Hi, Sirius" Dalia Grimshaw appeared on the aisle, grinning widely at the other boy "I was looking everywhere for you, Leah told me she had seen you here" She leaned to one of the shelves, her big green eyes watching Sirius as if he was the best thing she had ever seen.

"Yeah, I was on detention" he huffed "I'll get my stuff, wait for me" he put away his last book and hurried to where he had left his belongings.

"Hi, I'm Dalia" she came over to Remus, extending her hand to him with a smile. She was really pretty, Remus thought. She looked like a doll, with her long golden hair and her perfect face.

"Uhm, Remus" he shook her hand with a shy smile.

"Were you guys all afternoon here?" her American accent just made Remus believe more that she was the personification of Barbie.

"Yeah" he shrugged and put his last book on the shelf.

"Ugh, what a bum" she rolled her eyes with a perfect white smile "McGonagall should just admit that it was all an accident, just too much testosterone, and alcohol, right?" she laughed.

"She's letting us go on Friday" he smiled a little. 

"Oh, that's cool!" she said, overly excited. He didn't understand how a girl like her could be with someone like Sirius, she was really nice.

"Should we go now, babe?" Sirius came wearing a scowl and eyeing Remus warningly.

"Sure" she nodded and the boy wrapped an arm around her shoulders "nice to meet ya', Remus, see you around" she waved him off and Sirius kept gazing at him as the two went away.

Remus rolled his eyes and took his jacket and saddle. Walking tiredly out of the Library. He just wanted to shower and fall into his bed.

Chapter Text

"I am forever chained to myself; that's what I am, and that's what I must try to live with"
-Franz Kafka from letters written to Felice Bauer (1912)

October 9th, 1995

The second week of October rolled around with all the colors and tones of Autumn. Godric's campus was a garden of yellow, orange, and red leaves, the stone path to the castle had become more slippery and humid as the rain increased in Scotland's countryside; and the temperature had dropped at least 10 degrees, making students all around Hogwarts start to sport their sweaters and scarfs.

He was with the girls that Monday evening, sheltering in the warmth of the Library. Outside it was pouring rain, tainting the sky to a dark grey color. Remus had finally asked Lily that weekend to help him with their upcoming Maths test, following McGonagall's advice. Mary and Marlene joined them to finish their homework and swap English notes with them.

"Ugh, I don't know why we have to do this" Mary groaned with exasperation, she was copying Remus' English homework "my mother built a fashion empire from nothing I'm sure she wasn't analyzing The Iliad then" Mary pointed out.

"Well, that happens to one in million, I don't think she would want you living the same things that she lived, although you will never" Lily reminded her.

"My parents say that it is also to give a good example to other kids" Marlene added with a shrug, "they told me I can't just be touring around with them and do nothing, at least I need to know how to do basic Maths" Remus opened his eyes.

"You toured with them?" he asked surprised. Hogwarts sort of made you live in a bubble where the outside world didn't exist, and Remus had forgotten that he was in the presence of the daughter of literal Rock legends.

"Yes" Marlene laughed "when I was little they used to bring me up on stage with them and sometimes my mom would grab me and sing with me in her arms" she had her blue eyes glittering with nostalgia, Remus smirked and felt a little twinge in his heart, something between jealousy and longing.

"Still, I don't see why I need to know what 'Minis' means to Homer" Mary rolled her eyes and Remus chuckled.

"Menis, Mary" he corrected her "'s wrath, anger...he talks 'bout that with the wrath of Achilles. He even begins the poem with it" the girl looked down to check in his notes.

"You're right" she groaned again, "well, at least I have two nerdy friends that can do this stuff for me" she shrugged with a playful smile

"Hey!" Lily complained and slapped Mary softly on her arm.

"I'm just kidding, Lils, you know it" she tried to pinch one of the redhead's cheeks, but she leaned back, dodging her hand.

"Stop it!" Lily swatted her hand and Mary laughed.

"By the way, Remus, these notes are amazing," Marlene told him with her eyes all the way open "there are things right here that I don't even remember Indigo saying"

"Cheers" he smiled shyly, he wasn't used to compliments.

"Would you lend me your notes for today?" Marlene asked and then started to search around her bag for something. She took out a bar of Dairy Milk and handed it to Remus "I'll trade them for chocolate" Remus didn't even think twice, he grabbed the bar out of Marlene's hands and nodded.

"Deal," he said, opening the small purple package. Chocolate was his weakness, Remus could probably rob a bank if they told them he'd have chocolate for life in return. When he took the first bite he felt the sweet and soft chocolate melt in his mouth, it was like the world around him was a thousand times better.

"You both stop distracting Remus! I'm trying to explain him something" Lily scolded.

"Sorry," the girls said with a cheeky smile.

"Here, Remus" Lily pointed at his notebook opened in front of him "everything is great, but look at this cosine and sine, you can change them to 1 with the identity," she said and Remus squinted his eyes at the problem, he could see what she was talking about.

"I'm so excited for Halloween!" Mary said out of nowhere "I already have my costume plan out" she shrieked with excitement.

"We won't do a group costume this year?" Lily questioned, looking a little hurt.

"I don't think Miss Macdonald over here would like to be Freddie Krouger" Marlene snorted.

"And I'm not dressing as the Sanderson sisters again" Mary shook her curly head.

"I wasn't going to say that!" Lily reclaimed.

"And I'm doing a couple's costumes with Daryl" Marlene and Lily opened their eyes.

"Couple?!" both girls exclaimed.

"Not yet" Mary clicked her tongue "but everything's going right so why not?" she shrugged, Remus didn't want to get involved in that conversation, so he stuck to his trigonometty.

"And you Marls?" Lily asked.

"I don't know, I don't want to dress up that much this year," Marlene said and Remus heard Lily huff.

"Remus?" she turned to him, searching for at least one tint of hope.

He hadn't thought about Halloween. He didn't celebrate it as other people did. He usually went out that night and took advantage of the ambiance to get free cigarettes and snacks. He didn't dress up for it, he perhaps had used a mask once or twice, but it was more to go unnoticed across the crowd of people than for the 'Halloween' theme.

"Uhm, I dunno" he looked at Lily "I didn't know there'll be sumtin' for Halloween"

"Oh yes! Is like a party in the entire Godric's campus" Mary said excitedly "and each house even has its own tradition, it's a whole thing" she waved her hand.

"Would you want to go?" Lily asked, the girl already seemed down by the news that she wouldn't dress up with her friends, so Remus didn't want to add another layer of disappointment.

"Sure" he shrugged and Lily beamed.

"Perfect!" Lily said, thrilled, "now let's continue with Maths"

October 11th, 1995

Lily's tutoring had been incredibly useful. When they did their tests on Tuesday Remus felt a lot more confident than on their first test. Still, he couldn't help but feel nervous when McGonagall made him stay after Maths class. Lily had given him a thumbs up, trying to make him feel better, but he had a literal war going on in his stomach and his palms had begun to sweat.

"Mr. Lupin" the teacher said, closing the door of the classroom when the last student went out "I was checking last night, yesterday's tests" she walked to her desk "and I actually pulled yours first" Remus swallowed and held onto the strap of his saddle tightly.

"It seems like Miss Evans did help you a lot this time" she looked at him pointedly while she searched between the graded tests on her desk. She pulled one out and Remus' heart skipped a beat, he knew it was his "here" she gave him the test and Remus thought that he was going to faint.

Written in red pen, on the right corner of the paper, there was a big 'B' on it. His lips quirked up and he looked up at the teacher.

"A 'B'" he said, not believing his eyes. That must be someone else's test, it couldn't be his, right? But it was. His name was written in his messy handwriting on top and the B still lingered there.

"It's a good improvement, Mr Lupin" she smiled softly "there are things you still need to work on but I see your effort" he nodded, still astounded by the good grade.

"Also, that wasn't the only thing why I call you here today" she added, sitting on her chair. Remus glanced at the Professor, a feeling of worry increasingly growing inside him. 

"No?" he asked, trying to not sound as anxious as he was. Did something else happen? Did she regret her decision and now was going to expel him for the accident on the Bonfire?

"No. Madam Hooch told me that you're quite talented at running" she put her hands together and Remus frowned, not understanding where was this going "she also told me that she suggested that you enter Gryffindor's Track Team, but you refused" he nodded slowly.

 "Well, you'll see Mr. Lupin, your fellow classmate Mr. Potter is quitting the team, which is a huge down for Gryffindor since he's the best competitor we have" she explained "but you've come really close behind him, Madam Hooch has told me. As Gryffindor's Headmistress It's crucial to me that we fill Mr. Potter's spot before the competition in March" Remus now was starting to get the point she was trying to make and he didn't like it one bit "I know that you told Madam Hooch you didn't want to join the team, but I think we can make some arranges to encourage you to get on the team" Remus frowned again, what was McGonagall suggesting? 

"If you do join the team I will replace that C that you have on the first test for an A, for your extracurricular participation," she said and Remus raised his eyebrows. 

An A in Maths? He needed that more than anything.

"Really, professor?" he asked, not totally believing her.

"Yes, Mr. Lupin. You'll find out that most teachers here help their students with extra points and grades for their extracurricular performances, this is my offer to you. Would you take it?" she raised a thin eyebrow and Remus looked to his test.

He needed all the help he could get to maintain his grade as high as possible. If that meant he had to join a stupid sports team against his will, then so be it.

"Yes" he nodded and McGonagall smirked.

"Splendid, I'll tell Madam Hooch immediately" she stood up and walked toward the door "Now, time to go to your class Mr. Lupin"

"Yes, professor" he sighed and walked out of the room.

Walking to Science class he couldn't believe what just had happened. He had gotten a good grade on his Maths test and also McGonagall had offered him an easy A for just running in the Track team. She showed the girls his grade at lunch but kept quiet about the other news, he didn't want to gloat about it in front of them. He only wished those benefits could extend to French class too. That day Mr. D'Vaux handed them their last test. Remus huffed when he saw the merciless 'C' on the top of the paper. He only had gotten that grade out of luck, he didn't actually know what he was writing most of the time. He noticed James eyeing him from his seat and tried to hide his perfect 'A' by folding the paper.

It seemed like when his life got better on one side, another one always started to crumble. And Sirius Black didn't make it one bit better.

That night Remus was reading peacefully on his bed, Dinner time had finished a while ago and he found himself too lazy to start his homework. Suddenly, the door burst open and Sirius entered with a giggling Dalia wrapped around his arm. 

"Oh" Sirius mumbled and then chuckled with a guilty smile.

"Oh, Hi Remus!" Dalia waved at him with a grin.

"Hi" he frowned slightly.

"Uhm, Lupin" Sirius started, flipping his long hair out of his face "could you give us privacy for a couple of minutes?" he smirked and Dalia laughed as if whatever he had said was the funniest thing ever. Remus glanced at him and then at the girl.

Dalia, you deserve so much better.

"Right" he muttered and closed his book, he got out of the room hearing the giggles and whispers from both as he closed the door. He made a face when he was finally in the hallway. He went down to the Common Room and grabbed a cup of peppermint tea from the kitchen. When he came out he saw Peter looking at him from his Chess board.

"Dalia and Sirius?" he asked while he arranged the pieces as if had already lived that same situation hundreds of times before and was more than familiar with the feeling.

"Yeah" Remus rolled his eyes and walked to him.

"You can join me in a game, if you want" Peter suggested, shyly. Remus glanced at the board and nodded. He liked him, he wasn't as rude or loud as Sirius, or as intense and energetic as James. His calm and shy nature really made him a great roommate, and Remus sometimes wished he could go back to the first few weeks when they shared rooms. He was also a nice companion in Art class, always giving extra comments to Remus about the things that Miss. Hassin said. Remus usually didn't answer them, but he secretly enjoyed it.

"You know a lot about art" Remus pointed out while the other boy finished arranging the pieces on the board.

"Oh," the boy's rounded cheeks got pink "yeah, my parents are Art Collectors" he chuckled "they run a small Museum in London" Remus didn't know what he had expected Peter's parents to be, he knew the boy wasn't poor, he hanged out with James and Siris for god's sake, and he also had the latest videogame console, but he hadn't expected his parents to be that. It still, made so much sense.

"Wicked" Remus commented before sipping on his tea and Peter's blue eyes widened.

"Oh, cheers" he chuckled nervously again and placed the last piece on the board.

They spent the rest of the night playing chess, or rather, Peter beating Remus at every single game they did.

October 12, 1995

Remus was with Lily and Marlene doing homework in their new usual spot at the Library. Marlene and Lily talked lazily, the end of the night starting to get to them, while Remus finished an essay for Professor Binns. When one of the secretaries at the Administration Building appeared on the table, looking a little out of breath.

"Mr. Lupin, there's a call for you," the woman said, pointing with her thumb behind her back. Remus frowned and slowly started to put his stuff on his saddle. Lily and Marlene had stopped their conversation to look curiously at him and the woman. Remus followed the secretary out of the Library and onto the Administration Building thinking who could it be? He hadn't got any letters or correspondence throughout those weeks. Every time one of the girls mentioned a letter from their parents or some gift they had sent them, Remus limited himself to only seeing and smiling through the aching twinge in his heart. Now out of nowhere, someone called and asked for him.

"There, on the first phone," the secretary pointed at the line of phones on the left wall. There were two other students there also talking on the other phones. Remus dragged his feet at the first phone and grabbed it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hello, Remus" the soft voice of Mrs. Hernandez talked through the line. Remus felt a warm feeling inside his chest that he couldn't explain, it was nice to hear from her.

"Hi, Daisy" he laughed through the phone, he could hear the woman's tired sigh and then a light chuckle.

"You know my name's not that" she scolded with a laugh, "how have you been?"

The question really made Remus think. How had he really been? It was all good if you didn't count the problem he had with Lily, the bad grades in Maths and French, the sleepless nights, the several amounts of stress he had because of homework that made him swallow liters of tea a day, the feud with Sirius, and the long detention he got for almost set on fire the school's forest.

It was all good, for sure.

"'Orright," he said, leaning on the telephone box, giving his back to the other two kids next to him. She hummed, not fully believing him, she always knew how to read him out even if he wasn't in front of her.

"Are you behaving?" she asked in a tone that made Remus think that she already knew that he was, in fact, not behaving as he should.

"Of course" he assured.

"And your grades?" she continued. Remus knew that the call had been part of her job, he had to check on him of course, but it still was nice to know that at least one person thought about him even if it was her duty to do so.

"Good, I got a B in Math yesterday," he said proudly.

"That's fantastic," she said, excitedly "Have you made any friends?" she questioned in a tone that was outside her diplomatic voice, it was more like a friend-to-friend conversation. Remus smiled and nodded as if she could see him.

"Yeah, sum' girls" 

"Are they any good?" she implied, he could see her raised eyebrow through the phone.

"Yes" he chuckled "you would like 'em, they're good influences"

"Keep them close then, eh?" she warned "don't start skiving off and...marauding around" he laughed at the word.

"No, no, promise, Daisy," he said, knowing that the nickname would annoy her.

"Ok, ok" she hummed again "uhm, Officer Jones wants a monthly report of your grades and conduct" Remus heard the woman searching around some papers, and he rolled his eyes.

"Right" he muttered. He had half-forgotten the police were also involved in all of his business. He really hoped McGonagall hadn't reported anything back to them or Mrs. Hernandez.

"So, I tell them that everything's good, then," she affirmed.

"'S that all?" Remus sighed tiredly.

"Yes, just checking a little on you," Mrs. Hernandez said with her usual soft voice "I'll call again next month. Take care, Remus" he sighed and heard the phone hanging up. He placed the phone back, after a few seconds of hearing the line tune, and went out of the Administration Building. He walked some steps aside from the building and lit a cigarette. The call had stirred something in him. After the accident with the Bonfire, he had acted as if everyone was judging him wrongly, that those whispers about him being a criminal and a low-life were just their privilege talking. But who was he kidding? He was indeed a criminal, Mrs. Hernandez had just reminded him. The entire reason he was there, to begin with, was because of a crime. Not even a big crime, just a stolen book he had grabbed because he couldn't afford it.

He, perhaps, was everything they said he was.

He finished his cigarette and stayed there for a long time, leaning against a lamp post that was barely lighting anything. He noticed the lights inside the Administration Building go off and checked his watch. It was almost 12. He hadn't realized he had spent so much time thinking. It had been a miracle that no one had seen him.  He walked toward Godric's Campus when he remembered something. His History essay. He had left it in the Library inside the book he was using. He didn't think Marlene or Lily had noticed, so it probably was still there. He groaned and went back to the school, trying not to get caught by any teacher or prefect roaming around. He sneaked inside, the doors surprisingly all open, and walked to the second floor, where the Library was. He peeked inside and saw the place all dark and empty. He tried to push the door handle but it didn't budge. It was locked. Remus huffed and searched for something sharp inside his saddle. He knew he had to have some paper clips around. He found them and stretched them all the way. He kneeled before the door and after some poking around he picked the lock open. He might be a criminal, he thought, but at least he knew a thing or two that could take him out of desperate situations. He hurried to the table Lily and Marlene had been working on, but it was all empty. He then searched the History section of the Library, using only the moonlight that entered through the windows as his light. He found the book he had been using and there it was, his essay inside the book. He sighed in relief and put it in his saddle. He bolted out of the Library and closed the door behind him. Maybe Mrs. Pince would just assume she had forgotten to pass the lock. He went down to the first floor and was about to get out from one of the side doors when he heard muffled voices coming into the castle. He stepped aside quickly, putting his back against a wall, and held his breath, if they saw him there, he was sure to have another round of detention soon.

"Prongs, bloody hell, be quiet" he heard someone scold in a low voice. He recognized that ridiculous nickname and voice immediately. He turned around, coming behind the wall, and saw the three boys together. They jumped when they saw him, James yelled, Sirius stepped back and Peter dropped some weird-looking packages on the floor.

"Dios mio," James breathed out, putting a hand on his heart and leaning down "I almost had a heart attack"

"What are you doing here?" Sirius questioned with a scowl, Remus pulled his eyebrows together.

"I could ask the same thing" Remus pointed.

"We're going to the kitchens," Peter said while picking up what he had dropped and earning a slap on his arm from Sirius.

"Wormtail!" he said.

"Uh, it's not what you think" James smiled innocently, fixing his glasses over his nose with one hand. On the other, he had packages of those fake Mac and Cheese and a bottle of mayonnaise. Remus raised one eyebrow and looked at the boy.

"Tampering with the food?" Remus suggested and James pressed his lips together.

"Then it's exactly what you think it is" he admitted and he heard Sirius groan beside him.

"Perfect, now Lupin knows too" he raised his arms and Remus rolled his eyes "what are you doing here anyway?" he asked again.

"In the Library" he shrugged and James frowned, confused.

"How? Pince locks the door at 10 every night" James mentioned and then opened his eyes widely as if he had just realized something "you sneaked in!" he yelled and Sirius shushed his friend.

"Lower your voice, Prongs" he whispered and then gazed at Remus with a curious face "how'd you do it?"

"'Ehm..." Remus glanced to the side, he wasn't just about to admit the crime of trespassing in front of the three boys. Even though they were trespassing too.

"You know how to pick a lock?!" James asked, eagerly.

"Uhm..." Remus tried to find a way to get out of that situation "I jus' wanna go back to my room" he started walking away, between James and Sirius, when the latter grabbed his arm tightly. Remus turned to him with a frown.

"Wait, how do we know you won't snitch on us?" Sirius questioned, his bluish-grey eyes piercing into Remus' hazel ones.

"I'm not a snitch" he snatched his arm off Sirius' grip as if the sole accusation of being a snitch was worse than the accusation of being a criminal, "and you could snitch back on me too" Sirius seemed to reason this inside his head.

"We're not snitches either," Sirius said between teeth.

"Then there's that" Remus spat drily "to each their own" he glanced at James and Peter and then turned around.

"Bye, Remus" he heard James saying before walking off to Godric's Campus.

Next morning, he made an observation to not grab the orange juice or the weirdly thick-looking porridge. He told the girl not to do so either, and luckily they hadn't. Students all around the Dining Hall were spitting their orange juices screaming it tasted like cheese, and others were whining about how the porridge was spoiled and it tasted funny. Remus turned around to the center of the Dining Hall, and there, he saw James, Sirius, and Peter cackling at everyone's reaction. Remus chuckled a little too, he wasn't going to lie, it had been funny; especially after seeing Avery almost throw up his oats.

October 14th, 1995

When Remus had agreed to enter Gryffindor's Track Team he hadn't thought that he'll be agreeing with James Potter's 'awfully early schedule for training' too. James had entered his room earlier, waking him up for his first morning practice. The boy looked a little too excited to be five in the morning on a Saturday, and Remus had to follow him dragging his heavy and tired body to the Track field behind the school. He was already regretting his decision.

"It's great that you agreed to be part of the team, Remus" James said with a smile. The day was cloudy and grey as the sweatshirt the boy was wearing "you'll see, you'll love it"

"Right" Remus yawned, he had about three hours of sleep that night, insomnia winning the battle as always.

"Thanks for replacing me by the way" James commented putting his training bag on the stands "I had to quit because I'm now co-captain of the Football team, I have to put all my attention to it" he explained but Remus' mind was too foggy to answer anything at that time of day.

"We'll start with some warm-ups and then we'll get to the good stuff" James raised his eyebrows excitedly and Remus just wanted someone to shoot him so he could finally sleep.

The training was really hard, Remus thought that he would throw up or faint at least five times. They did several laps around the track, and then James started a circuit of conditioning training and told him about some running techniques. Remus found himself more and more surprised by James' energy, it seemed like the boy had an everlasting supply of stamina. He also was just slightly sweating after the whole practice had finished, contrary to Remus who was drenched in sweat and could barely breathe. He had thrown himself on the stands and held tightly to James' water bottle.

"Well, that was good practice, eh?" James smiled. Remus glanced at the boy with not one gram of energy left in him.

"Right" he breathed out and stood up with a big sigh, his body aching and burning from the heat.

"I'll get the cones" James pointed to the grass area at the center of the track and Remus nodded coming down from the stands and walking away some steps from where they had been.

"Well, well, well, Lupin" a nasty voice said behind his back, Remus turned around and saw Avery walking toward him with Mulciber by his side "I didn't know you were in Track"

This lot, how fun. Remus thought bitterly.

"What d'you want?" Remus spat raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing, nothing" Avery laughed scornfully "is just a surprise, I didn't know the Track team was doing charity cases"

"I guess that he's used to running from the police back home, eh Lupin?" Mulciber implied and Remus sent a dirty look at him. The worse thing was, Mulciber wasn't wrong.

"Fuck off" he blurted and the two boys got closer.

"You never show us how they do it there in the streets" Mulciber pointed out and Avery raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah, I thought that you were gonna beat the shit out of me but guess that you're a coward" Avery teased, Remus tightened his fist beside his body, trying to remind himself that they were just tossers, that they were trying to get to him. He couldn't let them win, but it was hard.

"Oi! Mulciber, Avery" James yelled behind Remus' back running toward them, second later the boy was beside Remus, eyeing warningly at the other two.

"Oh, Potter" Avery gave him a poisonous smile "I see that you have a new charity case" he glanced at Remus and then back at James.

"Go to hell, Avery" James said, his attitude totally different from the usually nice and friendly James Potter.

"So that's your replacement for the track team" Mulciber pointed at Remus with a disdainful smirk.

"Yes," James said proudly.

"All that and Slytherin will still beat you at Football" Avery inquired. James scoffed.

"Yeah? You and who? Malfoy?" James said in an ironic tone "please, don't make me laugh, bring someone who's actual competition and then we'll talk"

"Oh but don't bring Lupin here, he'll stab us before halftime" Mulciber joked and James stepped closer, facing him. He was the same height as the other boy, both taller than Avery, Remus noticed.

"Don't start Mulciber, don't forget last year" James threatened and Remus thought that this was a completely different side of James Potter he had never expected to see.

"Right" Mulciber's jaw clenched "but you are missing Black, your lap dog"

"Don't believe I can't take you down alone, both of you" James glanced at Avery.

"Alright, boys?" a female voice was heard from the distance. The four of them looked at where it had come from and saw Madam Hooch walking with her clipboard, looking suspiciously at them. James stepped back, grabbing his training bag, which he had tossed some time in the confrontation.

"Yeah, we were just going" James turned to Remus and he nodded. They walked away together in silence, and when they were a good distance he said:

"Thank you"

Nobody had ever stuck for him like that, he usually had to do it alone and it never ended well, especially for the other part.

"It's no problem, I hate those guys" James had a grave face on him as he walked, quicker than he did often.

"You've fought them before?" he asked, remembering what he had implied to the other boys.

"Yes, sorta" he shrugged "it was last year, they were teasing Sirius like they were teasing you, they brought up his..." he closed his mouth, seeing he was about to say something that maybe he shouldn't "They are the worst," he said finally "Sirius and I punched them and received three weeks of detention from McGonagall, but it was all worth it" Remus scoffed.

"And then I'm the criminal" he muttered, not really thinking about it. He thought he had made a bad comment but then James laughed, his smile appearing again.

"Don't listen to any of what they say, you're cool" James punched him lightly on the arm, as a friendly gesture and Remus nodded with a smile.

Chapter Text

"Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one"
-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

October 18th, 1995

Sirius Black had a never-ending record collection, Remus had seen them piled beside his white record player in their room. Bowie, Queen, T-Rex, Blur, The Beatles, Nirvana... It seemed like he had music from every band and singer in existence. So it didn't make sense to Remus why the other boy appeared to only play the same songs on repeat. It seemed like Sirius had a new fixation every week for a different song or album and wouldn't stop replaying it. That last two weeks had been Blur's latest album, The Great Escape. Sirius somehow had gotten the record last week and hadn't stopped playing it since then. He didn't know if it was to drive him mad or if Sirius was really obsessed with the album, but Remus had already memorized 'Country House' against his will.

Now, in the last few days, Sirius hadn't stopped singing the 'na na na's'  from Charmless Man. While her wrote on his bed, he sang it.  While he showered, he sang it. While he got ready in the morning, he sang it. While he was about to sleep, he sang it. And if he wasn't singing it he was humming or whistling that god-forsaken tune. It was driving Remus severely mad.

So it had been a miracle when it didn't appear while some of the boys in Lion were huddled around the TV to see a music special that Wednesday evening. An Iron Maiden song was playing, Remus didn't care for American bands usually, but he was highly grateful that Charmless Man hadn't appeared yet on the special. He was on an armchair on the side, holding a book as if he was studying but in reality, he was just listening to the songs along with the other boys. 

He used to do that in Waterfront too, they had a big radio in their communal space. Older boys usually had full control of the stations and what they would listen to each day, and of course, nobody dared to question it afraid they might get punched; Remus had gotten used to just accepting whatever they'd played on the radio. He had discovered his favorite artists that way. He remembered listening to The Smiths those first years on Waterfront, it had been the only thing comforting him for so long. The voice of Morrissey's singing about disgrace and sadness had made his a lot more bearable. When he was adopted for the first time one of the things that made him escape from that house was that the family would refuse to put Rock; it had been insulting to Remus. Every time he got adopted again he always made sure the family had a radio, record player, or something to play music on. He would stay wide awake for several nights in a row listening to music, putting the songs and artists that he wanted, unlike Waterfront. He remembered the first time he had listened to Bowie, he had been around 13 and gotten to a new family that had a big record collection and between them, The Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. After that, his life was never the same.

Suddenly, to Remus' horror, the video from Country House started playing on the TV. He sighed deeply and tried to ignore Damon Albarn's voice with the words of Ancient Rome History, but it was almost impossible when the voice inside his head also tried to sing the song.

"Move, Pads, you're taking all the space" James came into the Common Room, moving Sirius' feet out of the big sofa in front of the TV. He looked freshly out of Football practice with his hair wet and a big training bag on his shoulder.

"Prongs you're blocking the view!" Sirius whined pushing James aside. The other boy laughed and sat beside him.

"You've seen this video a thousand times" he pointed out, slouching back on the sofa.

"Well, I can see why Black likes it" McLaggen suggested with a smile, tossing his training bag on the floor and sitting beside James, he had his cheeks all red from the heat "look at those girls" he raised his eyebrows suggestively and chuckled.

Remus looked at the TV and then at Sirius, the boy was leaning all the way to the TV, his eyes fixed on the screen with a subtle smirk. He seemed hypnotized by the video like it had some sort of power on him.

"'Course you're only thinking with your dick, McLaggen" James pushed playfully and McLaggen pushed back with a smile.

"And you don't, Potter?" he commented and the two boys started a game of slapping and pushing each other. Remus rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

"Uhm, Remus?" he heard someone call him, he dragged his eyes from his reading to his side and saw Peter staring at him nervously "Do you think that you can lend me your notes from Science?" 

"Of course" Remus nodded and was about to get up from his seat when the presenter on TV said:

"And that was Blur ladies and gentlemen, with the hit from their latest album The Great Escape. Now we'll hear from their biggest competitor, Oasis, with their new album '(What's the story) Morning Glory?', which is becoming the fastest-selling album in Britain in years" Remus stopped on his feet and turned to the TV "this is Wonderwall" the TV changed from the presenter to a black and white video, a guitar started playing and he turned to Peter in awe.

"Oasis got a new album?" he asked the boy.

"Yeah, it came out on the 2nd of this month" Sirius replied with disdain before Peter could. Remus looked at the boy, who had leaned back on the couch and had his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't look pleased to be hearing Oasis on the TV.  Remus glanced at him but immediately went back to the screen, more interested in what was there than answering the other boy. Liam Gallagher started singing and Remus got chills all over his body:

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.
By now you shoulda, somehow, realised what you gotta do.
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

He wasn't as much of a fan of Oasis as other bands he liked. He'd just wanted to make Sirius mad when he said that they were a lot better than Blur. But listening to that song was something different. He hadn't heard something like it before. He wasn't one to listen to love songs, but the lyrics of that song echoed inside his head in a way that made him wish he could relate to what Liam was saying.

And after all, you're my Wonderwall.

For the first time, Remus hoped he would someday live a love like that.

October 19th 1995

It was a little while past midnight, the moon was just a thin line of silver in the vast night sky. Remus was alone in the room since Sirius had gone to Room C-11 as he did every night, careful to not get caught by Frank. Remus had just finished his homework minutes ago and was craving a cup of tea before getting into his bed to read. He was on his way to the kitchen downstairs but when he opened up the door he stumbled with the other three boys also coming out of the other room. They had flashlights -James with one of those ridiculous lights that wrapped around your head- and what seemed like liters of vegetable oil. Remus glanced at the oil and then at the three boys with a slight frown.

"Oh," Sirius muttered then looked at James for help.

"Tampering with the food again?" he questioned, walking out and down the aisle, he heard the other boys follow him.

"Uhm, no, actually" he heard James say, the boy got to his side with a smirk "we're going to Slytherin" Remus glanced back at the oil and then raised his eyebrows.

"I see" they got to the Common Room. It was dark and empty, the only thing that could be heard was their footsteps.

"You won't say anything, right?" Sirius questioned suspiciously. Remus stopped and turned to him.

"I didn't say nun' about the thing last week, did I?" he pointed out.

"Right," Sirius realized.

"And I don't care really, it's Slytherin" he shrugged "they all are tossers" James smiled widely and nodded.

"Yes," James' face lit up suddenly "wait, why don't you come with us?"

"What?" he and Sirius said simultaneously, neither of them understanding James' crazy proposal.

"Yeah, you could help us" he suggested, "you know how to pick a lock, right?" he implied, going back to that night about a week ago Remus had found them doing the same thing.

"I never said that" he groaned.

"But you can" he insisted raising his thick dark eyebrows. Remus closed his eyes and sighed.

"Yes" he admitted and Peter and James just beamed more.

"Right, then, you could help us get inside easier" James reasoned and Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I can't get into more trouble" Remus looked at Sirius pointedly and the boy frowned.

"That was all your fault" Sirius argued and James put a hand out to stop him.

"Pads, calm down," he said and sighed in resignation "it's fine, we understand" Remus gave him a nod and the boys walked to the door. As he saw them go away he thought about what the boys were about to do. He imagined doing something to Avery and Mulciber, seeing his face in terror and confusion, just a little getback for what they had said to him since he couldn't beat them unconscious. 

"Wait" he stopped them before they could exit the building "I'm coming with you," he said, James and Peter smiled and Sirius rolled his eyes at this "I'll get my jacket and other things, I have an idea" 

The four of them set out to the Slytherin dorms. They walked right on the side of the street down trees and lamp posts with their flashlights turned off, using the shadows in their favor. 

"What's the tuna cans for?" Peter asked pointing at Remus' jacket where he had put two cans inside his pocket.

"You'll see" he guaranteed the other boy. Remus looked forward. Sirius and James were some steps before them, whispering about something Remus didn't catch on to. Sirius appeared reluctant about him joining them and sent dirty looks at him as if Remus had just invaded a private reunion or something sacred.

"You do this often?" he asked Peter in a whisper.

"Oh, yeah, sorta" the boy chuckled "we've been doing this for years" 

"Are you telling him our prank history back there, Wormtail?" James joked, stalling back a little.

"You have done a lot of pranks then" Remus observed and James nodded.

"Ever so often, the great students of Hogwarts are blessed with the cleverness of Messers Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail" James pointed at him first, then Sirius, and then Peter. Remus snorted.

"What are those names?" he asked as they passed by Ravenclaw Hall.

"Something private," Sirius said, looking back at him warningly "if we tell you we'll have to kill you" Remus didn't know if the boy had been joking. By the way he said it seemed like he was totally serious about it, but then Remus caught the boy's lips quirk up a little.

"Right" Remus recalled Marlene telling him that they kept the matter of their nicknames really private since nobody in Hogwarts knew for certain. He then remembered something else "you did a prank on your Music professor last year, that was all of you?" Sirius' face lit up with a smug smile.

"You hear about that" he inquired "Yes, that was my idea" he confirmed, with an air of superiority that made Remus regret ever bringing that topic over.

"It was really funny" James commented tugging on a tree branch as he walked underneath it "we drove Mr. Callahan crazy" he threw the leaf he had torn from the tree at Peter jokingly.

"It's what he deserves for insulting the great name of Rock" Sirius added with an exaggerated sigh.

"That has to be one of our best pranks yet" James smiled showing his dimples, with a nostalgic tint on his face "you know, our first pranks were at each other actually, when we were 11" James snorted a laugh "I started by scaring Sirius..."

"Don't bring that up!" Sirius exclaimed, alarmed, and Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise, James laughed and nodded.

"No worries Pad, I'm just teasing" he stepped forward and surrounded Sirius' shoulders with his arm, "but our first big prank was to the older Gryffindor boys" James continued "they had been mean to little Peter, so we went from Desmond's Campus to Godric's and we filled every showerhead with red dye" he stretched his hand in a grand gesture "it was like a horror scene in those showers, and the Year 13's were sticky and red for the next days" he chuckled.

"You infiltrated Lion Building at 11 years old?" Remus questioned, highly believing the story.

"Of course, we are professionals in this" Sirius shrugged, half offended.

"Right" Remus nodded and they continued walking until they arrived at Slytherin Hall.

"Here, Snake Building, the boys' rooms" James whispered pointing at the first building then the three boys glanced at Remus expectantly. He sighed deeply and walked up the stairs to the door. He took out one of his unfolded paperclips and a thing and a small mental wrench he had stolen from Scratch years ago.

"I'll need light," he said, kneeling before the door. James bent beside him and turned on his head flashlight.

"How do you do it?" James asked, staring closely at the lock and his hands.

"'s hard to explain" Remus muttered, making pressure with the metal wrench to the right.

"Where did you learn?" Peter asked bending on the other side, his eyes fixed on the doorknob too.

"The same place where he learned how to fight, I guess" Sirius commented bitterly, some steps behind his back.

"Sirius" James warned and Remus rolled his eyes, inserting the paper clip over the mental wrench.

"How were you gonna get in if I wasn't here?" Remus asked and James scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, we kinda figured we'd burst one window open," James said and Remus frowned.

"The windows are locked from the inside" he reminded the boy.

"Yes, it was gonna take some time, but it was totally doable" James assured, but Remus wasn't as sure as the boy.

"Luckily you are here," Peter said with a warm smile, Remus returned the gesture at the boy at the same time the lock clicked and Remus could turn the door knob all the way.

"There" Remus stood up and the other boys stared in awe at the open door.

"Wicked" Pete muttered.

"You are bloody brilliant, Remus" James patted his shoulder and Remus smirked shyly.

"Well, we're going to enter or not?" Sirius hurried, turning his flashlight and walking into the Slytherin Common Room. James handed Remus one of the two liters of vegetable oil he was carrying and they entered after Sirius.

The Common Room was a lot different than the one at Lion Building. It looked like a dark Victorian home, with dark wood, leather black couches, green wallpaper, and huge stained glass lamps over them. It screamed money and high class.

"Well, I'll go to the third floor" James indicated in a low voice "Wormtail, you go to the second floor, wait 'til I finish" he pointed out "Pads first floor and Remus wait for us here" he nodded and saw how Peter and he started going up the stairs. Sirius stayed back and stood beside the stairs, leaning back on the wall. Remus started to feel the tension now that the other two weren't there with them. He leaned on another wall, far from Sirius, but he could feel his gray eyes over him.

"You never said" Sirius talked suddenly, Remus turned to him, eyebrows knitted together.

"Said what?"

"Where did you learn" Sirius rolled his eyes as if it was obvious.

"Oh" Remus dragged his eyes to the other side of the room and shrugged, "you said it yourself" he replied, drily.

"I was only joking" 

"I know, but you're not wrong" Remus looked at him, somewhat threateningly. Sirius raised his chin and stared at Remus cautiously.

"Right..." Remus put his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and felt the tuna cans inside it, he had forgotten about them for a second.

"I'll be back," he said putting down his liter of oil and waking to what he assumed was the kitchen. There he saw the same small stairs that lead to a similar basement that Lion Building had and went down. Sirius followed him, also leaving his oil behind, and providing, thankfully, light along the way.

"What are you doing?" he asked but Remus didn't answer, he went over to the big vent he knew the laundry room had. He kneeled before it and opened the tuna cans.

"What are you doing?" Sirius repeated, but this time more confused and alarmed. Remus started draining the liquid inside the vent.

"The buildings have a central ventilation system, this is the main vent, it's the same at Lion's laundry room" Remus explained "this will make the entire building smell like tuna for months or until someone comes and washes it" 

"What? How did you ever come up with that?" Sirius questioned, impressed. 

"Jus' sum' I read" he shrugged as he drained the second can. The real reason he knew that awful 'prank' was because years ago some kids at Waterfront did the same in the housemother's office after she didn't let them have a TV. Obviously, they got punished for it but the housemother came with a TV a week later; so in the end, they won.

"It seems like you read some cruel shit" Sirius scrunched his nose stepping back from the air vent. They went up to the kitchen and Remus threw away the cans in the bin.

"You should be careful then" Remus raised his eyebrows. 

"Is that a threat?" Sirius asked, offended, as they walked back to the Common Room. It was a threat, yes, but it wasn't a real threat, he just wanted to see the other boy's reaction.

"Take it as whatever you want," he said without a tone. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but it appeared like he couldn't find the right words. He then closed his mouth and scowled.

"You, tosser," he said between teeth and grabbed his liter of oil, before going up the stairs to the first floor. Remus snorted slightly and waited for the three boys to come back down.

After they had finished oiling the floors upstairs, they went to the Common Room, using whatever they had left in their liters and Remus' one to make the wooden floor a pool of thick substance. Remus poured the oil carefully on the dark floor, trying not to get his boots wet.

"Tomorrow when they wake up, they won't know what hit them" James proclaimed when they had finished. The four of them were standing on the door, watching the now shiny floor of the Common Room.

"Hopefully the floor" Sirius snorted and James and Peter laughed in agreement.

"Let's go back," James said and they exited Snake Building with wide grins. They deposited the empty oil liters in one of the bins outside and walked happily down the street.

There was something in doing what was forbidden that was so intoxicating, Remus knew it well. The adrenaline he felt inside his blood when he was doing something he shouldn't, then the dopamine shot that your brain sent you when you saw you weren't caught. He tried to not get hooked on that, he tried to just walk away from situations like that, but sometimes, like that night, it was too irresistible to refuse.

"I wish I could see them tomorrow morning, all of them" Sirius laughed. Suddenly, the sound of keys was heard and they stopped in their tracks.

"Fuck, is Filch" James murmured, eyes wide and filled with terror "back off, back off!" he signed to Slytherin Hall again and they ran behind Snake Building.

"Is there someone there?" Filch yelled. His yellow lantern slowly appeared, tinting the dark trees and buildings.

"Prongs your light!" Sirius exclaimed in a low voice, putting off James' flashlight. They were huddled in a corner behind a bush, the four of them nervously watching the street. Remus felt his heart beating and his palms starting to get clammy, he couldn't be caught doing that. 

"Come out now!" Filch walked around Slytherin Hall. Remus held his breath and looked up at the moon.

Please don't let him catch us, he pleaded at it.

"Oh, no, no Wormy, not now" Sirius scolded in a harsh whisper. Remus looked at Peter and he had his blue eyes all the way open.

"What's wrong?" James asked, turning to his friends.

"Is...is...azaleas" the boy mumbled in a squeaky voice and Remus frowned.

"Wut?"

"His highly allergic to flowers" Sirius said quickly.

"No, no, no you aren't" James hurried, waving his hand before Peter's face, trying to push away the azaleas' scent, but it seemed like it just made everything worse. Peter leaned back his head and let out a sneeze with such force and volume that Remus thought that even Dumbledore could've heard it. 

Sirius brought a hand to his mouth, drowning a gasp and they all froze in place.

"Maybe he didn't hear it," James said hopefully, but then a warm yellow light was directed behind the boy's back.

"Hey! I see you there you ruffians!" Filch bellowed, walking rapidly toward them.

"Run!" James yelled and the four took off as fast as they could. 

Remus ran as fast as his legs let him. His legs' muscles were burning hot and his chest was cramping. James and him having the lead. He turned back and saw Sirius closely behind and some meters back there was Peter trying to keep up with the pace too.

"Come back!" Filch said.

"Don't look back, don't look back, don't let him see you!" James yelled and Remus turned his head back immediately. 

This is why I get for following these blokes.

"Hey, hey stop there! "Filch's screams could be heard way back, he lowered his pace, knowing that the old man was too far to catch them now.

"Just go to Gryffindor" Sirius yelled, running past him. Remus waited some seconds for Peter to catch up and ran with him to Lion Building. They entered quickly and James closed the door behind them. Peter bent down, putting his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. Sirius was leaning on the wall, breathing rapidly too. The only thing that could be heard in the Common Room was their four heavy breaths.

"Come back, come back!" Filch's yells could be heard outside the door. The keeper's hurried footsteps started to fade away as he went down toward Hufflepuff Hall. 

James sighed deeply and turned around, leaning on the door for support. He looked at them, also out of breath, but then his lips quirked up in a smile and he burst into laughter. Shortly after Sirius and Peter started laughing too. Remus relaxed and felt the unusual need to laugh, he started to chuckle and then started laughing too as if he had been holding it for so long that he couldn't hold it anymore; he let it free, right there, mixed with the other boys' laughs. He forgot the regret and anxiety he had felt when Filch was chasing him. Now the only thing he wanted was to laugh with those other three boys, who had dragged him into their plans. That was the response he was looking for, the same feeling he hadn't felt in months, and now he shared it with three rich boys, strangely.

October 20th, 1995

Next morning, the atmosphere inside Room C-12 wasn't as harsh as it was on other days. Sirius and he got ready at the same time and the other boy met James and Peter on the aisle. Remus came out of Lion Building behind the three boys and when they were outside they saw a crowd of students excitedly going up the street toward Slytherin Hall. They all shared the same knowing look and went down to the Dining Hall. Remus got his breakfast and parted away to his usual table. The girls arrived some minutes later, holding their trays and looking confused.

"I'm telling you, Lils, that's what she told me" Mary said sitting down on her usual seat.

"It just doesn't make sense" Lily reasoned and Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Somebody pranked the Slytherins" Marlene replied with an amused laugh. Remus held back a smile and raised his eyebrows.

"Really? What happened?" he asked, acting clueless.

"Their floors are all oiled up, it's a whole mess there" Mary laughed, pinching with her fork a piece of fruit.

"Well, is not that funny, someone can get really hurt" Lily pointed out but she also had a small smile on her lips. Remus grinned and continued eating his breakfast.

"Hello, ladies" James greeted coming to the table with a victorious smile and Lily groaned "Remus, come for a second" he signed with his head and Remus noticed how the three girls looked at him curiously. He stood up and followed James to the center of the Dining Hall, where Sirius and Peter stood beside their table.

"Look at that table" James pointed out a table beside the entrance of the hall. Sitting there were Avery, Mulciber, and his other two friends looking severely annoyed. Remus' smile widened when he saw Avery carrying an ice pack against his face and Mulciber with a bloody lip.

"They look like shit" Remus commented with a laugh and the other boys agreed.

"Oh shit, look at my brother," Sirius said, pointing at the Dining Hall doors. Entering the room there was the other boy Remus had seen with Sirius on the platform the first day. He had a disgusted expression on his pale face, beside him other boys were wearing the same looks as the younger Black.

"He looks like he's gonna vomit" Peter inquired and Sirius nodded with a naughty smile.

"Yes, he hates the smell of fish" he chuckled and sent a glance at Remus "I hope that little wanker vomits" Sirius commented scornfully and Remus looked back at the other Black brother. It seemed like Sirius didn't like his brother for some reason, he had sensed a hostile tone in the other boy's words.

"We couldn't have done it without you" James placed his hand over Remus' shoulder and grinned at him. Remus snorted and shook his head "not really, Remus, you have a talent for pranks, I mean, the tuna thing? That's some evil-mastermind stuff" James guaranteed, impressed with him and Remus pulled back, starting to feel a little shy and awkward with all the compliments James was giving him.

"Cheers," he said and looked to another table, he spotted Xeno, Flynn, and other boys sitting there, looking amused at the Slytherin boys entering the premise "I'll go now," he said, James was going to say something but Remus walked away before the boy could shower him with more compliments. 

He went over to Xeno's table and approached them, trying to look more at ease and 'cool'.

"Hey" he nodded at them and put his hands inside his pockets.

"Alright, Lupin?" Xeno said with his cheeky smile.

"'Orright, 'orright" he assured "'was jus' wondering where you lot get your fags?" Remus' seemingly endless stash of cigarette boxes was starting to scarce, and he didn't think he could live in Hogwarts without his daily smoke.

"We got 'em at Hogsmeade, every weekend," Xeno said, and Remus hissed internally. Of course, they were a year older than him.

"Oh," he muttered, a little disappointed.

"Why? You want some?" Flynn questioned and Remus nodded shyly "then I'll give you a box" Flynn smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

"Yeah, come tonight, we're having a little thing there" Xeno insisted, slouching back in his chair, Remus noticed the wide collections of beaded necklaces replacing the school tie over his shirt.

"'Orright," he said with a small grin "Hufflepuff Hall?" he asked. Xeno and Flynn shared a look and then burst out laughing. Remus wondered what he had said to make them have that reaction.

"'Course, typical of Gryffindors," Xeno shook his head, wiping off a fake tear.

"Ravenclaw" Flynn corrected and Remus felt his cheeks starting to get hot. He had assumed they were from Hufflepuff since they were...well he was just following Mary's words.

"Eagle Building" Flynn added with a chuckle and Remus nodded before getting quickly out of that table. That had been embarrassing.

"What did James want?" Mary asked when he sat back at his table.

"Uhm?" he turned to her, still thinking about the interaction with Xeno and Flynn.

"Nothing" Mary waved at him dismissively and continued eating.

Their prank had been highly successful. Most of the Slytherin boys were missing in class, with the excuse they all were in the Infirmary because of a series of injuries and contusions. Remus was in a cheerful mood. Revenge was bad, he knew, but it felt so good. It only made things better when Professor Indigo called him after the class. He was holding a paper and gazed at Remus with a warm smile.

"Mr. Lupin, I've called you to congratulate you," he said and Remus raised his eyebrows, at first he had thought something bad had happened with his English essay or something "your analysis of The Iliad was one of the best ones I've ever read" he gave Remus his essay back and he saw a small A on the corner of the front paper. Remus felt a strange warmth inside his chest.

"Oh, thank you professor" he looked up at the man, beaming.

"Really, I've never seen something quite like it" the teacher leaned on his desk, his arms crossed over "you explain everything so...exquisitely. The explanation about fate and destiny" he started, Remus felt his insides fluttering with pride "what you said about the wrath of Achilles and how it had become his own demise, sealed his destiny for good. It was like you understood it personally like you were Achilles" the teacher raised his arms and Remus pressed his lips together. 

"Thanks," he said again. Nobody had ever said something like that to him, nobody had cared for what he wrote in the way Professor Indigo did.

"Also, you are one of my best students in class, you never interrupt and your tests are almost perfect" Professor Indigo admitted "keep up the good work, kid" he smiled at Remus proudly and Remus felt something inside his chest filled up, something that he had been missing. Remus couldn't remember the last time when an adult had been that proud of him if someone had ever been proud of him even.

Remus nodded and went out of the classroom, feeling like crying or shouting. He was happy, sincerely happy.

The rest of the day he was high up in the clouds. Not even French class could bring him down to a bad mood. He hadn't felt like it in years and he hadn't realized how much he had missed it. At night, the Common Room was buzzing with energy. There were boys and girls watching TV or talking vividly downstairs. Remus changed his uniform for some trousers and an old sweater. He was getting ready to go to Ravenclaw Hall when, for some reason, Sirius' records called his attention. He had never seen the records up close, just when Sirius put them on or when he walked to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of an album or two.

He looked back at the door. It was wide open, but nobody was in the hallway. He knew Sirius was downstairs with James and Peter, he had seen them when he arrived from dinner. He started to flip through the records. He had been right, Sirius had a wide and colorful collection that ranged from The Rolling Stones to several albums from Bowie to The Sex Pistols to American bands like Gun N' Roses. No Oasis, of course, so he won't be hearing their new album any time soon from Sirius. He saw The Smith's first album, that cover with the pink-ish man. He took it and passed a hand over its surface, admiring the record. He had been tempted to put it on and hear at least a couple of songs from them, but he heard Sirius' voice coming down the hall:

"I don't know, Prongs, let me check" Remus bolted out of Sirius' desk and went over to his side, making it as if he was just organizing the books he had on his table. Sirius got inside the room seconds later and then peeked his head back outside.

"He's here" he announced and then James and Peter appeared at the door, the three boys getting inside Room C-12.

"Oi, Remus," James said with a big smile, walking over to him "wanna come to a match of Football?" he pointed with his thumb behind his back. 

"Oh" Remus muttered "I don't know how to play" he admitted, looking at the three. Sirius scoffed and James' jaw hit the floor.

"What?!" he exclaimed "then thank God you're in the presence of a Potter, if somebody can teach you how to play good it'll be me" he insisted and Remus chuckled.

"Thanks, James, but I'm going to Ravenclaw already" Remus shrugged and the boys frowned.

"Ravenclaw?" Sirius questioned, doubtfully "Why are you going there?" Remus glanced at the boy with an arched brow.

"Nun' of your business" Remus muttered "but if you must know, I was invited by Xeno and his lot" 

"Xeno Lovegood?" James asked, grasping his arm. Remus glanced at his hand and then back at the boy.

"Yes?" he said, frowning.

"You're partying with Year 12's?" Sirius said, surprised.

"Is just a get-together, not a party" he clarified, and Sirius snorted.

"With Xeno Lovegood, I'm sure it won't be just 'a get-together'" he pointed out "he's basically Hogwarts' dealer" he explained.

"And?" he said, confused with what all the fuse was about.

"Nothing is just..." James opened his mouth and tried to say something else, but then regretted it "have fun," he said finally. Remus understood then what the boys wanted. 

They wanted Remus to bring them with him to Ravenclaw, but he wasn't going to burst into an unknown house with three unexpected guests.

"Cheers," he smiled and walked out of the room. Leaving the three hopeful boys with their dreams shattered behind.

He strolled to Ravenclaw Hall. Godric's Campus was alive with students walking here and there, you could tell it was Friday night by the way everyone seemed happier and more relaxed. He went over to Eagle Building, its door was wide open and some older students were talking there on the stairs. He passed under the string lights and entered the dorms. The Common Room was similar to Lion's, only that instead of red everything was blue, purple, and bronze and the ceiling had constellations painted on them. It was crowded with people, all older students, Remus noticed. He felt anxious walking there, not knowing what to do exactly, but thankfully he spotted Xeno talking with one of his friends on a big purple pouf.  Remus walked over to them and when Xeno saw him he opened his eyes.

"Lupin!" he said with a smile, standing up from his seat. Remus smirked shyly and put his hands in his pocket "welcome to Eagle, mate" he surrounded Remus with his arm over his shoulders and he could sense the smell of weed on him.

"Hey," he said in response, feeling awkwardly among all of those people.

"Ey, Hamza, this is my good friend Remus Lupin," Xeno said to the guy he had been talking to before, the boy waved at Remus with a grin "do you want something to drink?" Xeno asked, but before he could answer he dragged him into the kitchen and handed him a bottle "here take a pint" Remus opened the beer and sipped it slightly.

"Cheers" he thanked the older boy.

"No worries, remember to have fun, this house is out of judgments" he tapped Remus' shoulders, slurring his words and Remus nodded. He followed the boy to the Common Room and stood in a corner, drinking his beer alone. He couldn't spot Flynn among the people. He wanted the cigarettes, he didn't care for drinks or parties, he just needed a new pack. He drank two beers and then got tired of being inside that room. It had become cluttered with people and it felt hot and humid. He needed fresh air. He went out of Eagle Building and walked to the side, between that building and the girl's dorm. A group was standing nearby, smoking weed. Remus kept his distance, sipping into his third beer, trying to cool off.

"Hey, you're the boy that blew up the Bonfire, eh?" one of the guys in the group yelled at him. Remus turned at him, cheeks flushed.

"Uhm, yeah?" Remus muttered.

"Wicked" a girl beside him said.

"Come here" the boy waved at him and Remus walked to the group, hesitantly "what was your name, again?" he asked with a flat accent. The boy was around seventeen, he had straight blond hair, and green eyes and was wearing one of those puka necklaces. He looked familiar.

"Remus Lupin" he muttered.

"Remus Lupin" the girl that had talked before repeated "quite a peculiar name" she dragged it from her blunt and her other four friends agreed.

"I'm Miles," the blond boy said, "that's Henry, Jude, Charlotte and..."

"Seige" the same girl extended her hand at him with a smirk. Remus shook it, nervously. She was a pretty girl, she had brown skin, long braided hair, dark eyes with long eyelashes, and a small piercing on her nose.

"You smoke, Remus?" Miles asked with a smirk. Remus nodded and the blond handed him his blunt. Remus dragged from it, feeling the taste of weed hit his taste buds.

"So what's up with you and Black, then?" the other boy, Henry questioned, with an eyebrow raised "you guys got a feud or sum?"

"No" Remus released the thick smoke out of his mouth "was just the booze and a couple of spliffs" Remus shrugged and the group chuckled.

"Right, I do wish you would've broken his perfect nose or something" Miles added with a playful grin.

"Come on, Miles, he doesn't do anything wrong and he's also a Black" Seige snorted, dragging from her blunt.

"That's more reason then, fuck the Black Family!" Miles exclaimed and raised his arms to the sky. Remus chuckled and dragged from his spliff "see, even Remus agrees with me!" he pointed at him.

"Well, you're not California, Miles, here you have to respect the European royalty, and that includes the Blacks, even if they're all assholes" Jude, a short girl with glasses, said.

"Fuck them, fuck Sirius Black!" he yelled. Remus laughed, he hadn't met anyone else who dared to 'curse' the Black name in that way yet.

"Fuck him also for dating my sister!" he added and Remus confirmed his suspicions. He was Dalia's brother.

"Dalia is fifteen, she can take care of herself" Seige commented, raising one eyebrow "don't you think, Remus?" the five of them turned at him and Remus felt right on the spot like he was being interviewed by an officer or something.

"Uhm, dunno' Sirius Black is a right tosser" he agreed and Miles cackled.

"See! Even the boy agrees with me" he fist-bumped Remus and then grabbed his shoulder "I like you, Remus, you at least have common sense," Remus noticed Seige rolling her eyes with a smile while shaking her head.

"Right, right, Miles. Now stop bothering him" she scolded and slapped Miles' hand over Remus' shoulder.

"Fine, boss" Miles barked a laugh and removed his hand from his shoulder.

As they continued to talk Remus continued to smoke, feeling more light and dizzy every minute it went by. His mind started to play tricks on him because at that moment he could've sworn that Seige was sending flirty looks and smiles at him.

But she wasn't? How could she? She was older and Remus was...Remus.

His blunt burnt out and his beer was empty. There were only Miles, Seige, and him outside. Remus didn't know how much time had passed since he saw Xeno in the Common Room, but it felt like hours.

"Miles" Seige said and looked at the blond. Miles sipped from his cup and raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll go to get a drink," he said, waving Seige dismissively and walking to the entrance of Eagle Building.

"Ehm, you want something to drink?" Remus offered the girl, feeling the words heavy on his tongue.

"No" he chuckled and stepped closer "thank you" she scrunched her nose and pulled one of his curls out of his face. He shivered feeling her cold hand against his forehead.

"You're cute, Remus" she tousled his hair and looked down at his lips. Remus felt like his throat went dry. He didn't know if it was because of the weed or because of Seige, but either way, he gazed down at her lips too; they looked as soft as rose petals and awfully attractive.

"Your scars are interesting" she came closer, putting her body against his and brushing her index over Remus' nose "where did you get them?" she didn't give him time to answer because she put a hand on Remus' face and pulled their lips together. Remus froze in place, not knowing what to do. His stomach was turning inside and his mind went immediately blank. He had never kissed anyone before in his life and wasn't sure how to do it either. She had her eyes closed and kept moving her lips against his unmoving ones. He let himself relax and just tried to mimic her soft and steady movements.

It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. And he liked it a lot. She tasted like cherry, probably her chapstick, Remus assumed. He cupped her waist shyly with his hands, as he had seen guys do with girls, and let her lead the way. When she pulled aside Remus felt his whole face burning and removed his hands from her body as if it was made of fire. She chuckled and bit her red lips.

"You're nice, Remus," she said in a velvety voice that made Remus' insides hot "see you around" she placed a peck on his lips and walked to the entrance of Eagle Building.

Remus had to wait some seconds outside, trying to pull himself together. He was dizzy and light-headed. He still couldn't believe that happened. A girl had actually kissed him, and not any girl, an older pretty girl. He breathed in deeply a couple of times and then decided to enter the building, he needed his cigarettes, he recalled.

He felt like he was floating when he entered the Common Room again. He searched for a head full of dreads around the crowd. Then he saw him. Flynn was sitting on a couch with a girl on his lap and they were kissing passionately. Remus was too embarrassed to even come and ask him for the cigarettes now. He located Xeno then, who was now shirtless and carried two cigs on his lips.

"Lupin!" he screamed, looking more deranged than ever "What's up, mate? How are you? Are you enjoying yourself?" he grabbed Remus by the shoulders and shook him hard. The whole room started spinning and Remus had to blink several times to stop it from doing so.

"Uhm, the fags, I'm looking for the fags" he mumbled.

"Oh, the fags!" Xeno exclaimed too high for Remus' taste "let's get Flynn" he surrounded his shoulder and Remus shook his head quickly.

"No, no, no, don't think 's a good idea," he said as he was dragged by Xeno over to where Flynn was with the girl.

"Flynn, mate!" Xeno screamed, standing in front of the couple. The boy pulled away from the girl, which stared at Xeno and Remus nastily.

"Remus!" Flynn's face lit up "You came"

"Uhm, been here for some time" he put his hands inside his pocket and glanced to another way.

"And why didn't you come to say hello?!" Flynn frowned with a smile.

"He wants the fags" Xeno pointed and Remus turned to him with his eyes wide open.

"Then let's get you the fags" Flynn said and moved the legs from the girl out of his lap. She opened his mouth offended and stood up, stomping away with a scowl.

"Come with me" Flynn signed with his head and Remus followed him to the rooms upstairs.

"Sorry for interrupting" Remus muttered behind him.

"Bah" Flynn waved dismissively "is no big deal" they got to the second floor and Flynn guided him to one of the rooms in the middle.

They entered, Flynn went to his trunk and Remus stayed on the door, watching around. The dorm was filled with all sorts of band posters and pictures. It looked like one of those record stores he had seen in London.

"Don't be modest, you can enter" Flynn encouraged and went over to where he was. His bed was the one beside the window, like Remus'.

Remus noticed on Flynn's desk a big stereo and piles of CDs beside it. He got closer and inspected them. He saw something that excited him, Oasis' new album: '(What's the story) Morning Glory?'. He grabbed it and started reading the names of the songs.

"Did you like it?" Flynn asked, appearing behind Remus and looking over his shoulder.

"I haven't heard it" Remus sighed and Flynn stepped aside, putting the new box of Malboros in front of his face. Remus smirked and took them.

"Cheers, I'll pay you once I get dosh," he said, even though he didn't know for certain when will that be.

"Don't" Flynn shook his head, smiling "it's a gift, to go with the lighter" he shrugged and Remus smiled again.

"Thanks" he glanced at the CD player.

"You can stay a listen to the album if you want to" Flynn suggested.

"Really?" Flynn nodded walking toward the door.

"Listen to 'Don't Look Back in Anger' 's really good" he assured and then exited the room.

Remus was left alone with all of Flynn's CDs at his will. He put Oasis' new album and searched for the song Flynn had recommended on the back cover. Track 4.

A piano started playing in the stereo then a guitar and then the drums. Remus sat down and listened to the song.

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play.

Liam Gallagher sang, and Remus leaned back, laying completely on Flynn's bed. The song wasn't like Wonderwall, it seemed rawer, more sentimental somehow. He didn't know if it was because he was high or if it was something else, but he had goosebumps all over his skin.

Liam's raspy voice and Noel's amazing guitar had a hypnotizing effect on him. It was driving him away to another place far, far from Ravenclaw Hall, far from Hogwarts, far from Earth.

And so Sally can wait
She knows it's too late
As we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say.

Chapter Text

It's close to midnight
Something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight
You see a sight that almost stops your heart
-Thriller, Michael Jackson

October 31st, 1995

The excitement for the Halloween festivities could be sensed even a week prior to the event. Students all around were focused almost exclusively on Halloween. It seemed like tests, homework, and projects all were secondary matters and the only thing they all talked about was that Halloween night. The small pranks and scares had begun a week ago. McGonagall had confiscated at least a dozen of scary masks and props from around Hogwarts; and probably at least half of them were from James and Sirius. The weekend before was also chaos. All of years 12 and 13 went to Hogsmeade to buy their costumes. The buses had been filled to the top, not even a soul entered there, Flynn had told him. Remus also noticed kids from other years receiving gifts, sweets, and costumes from their parents by mail. He couldn't lie, he was kind of jealous of them, but thankfully Marlene's parents had sent a huge box of chocolate and she had been kind enough to share it at the table.

"Did you guys see the Apple bobbing stands at Hufflepuff?" Mary asked that day at Lunch "it seems like they put more this year"

"Yes! and I can't wait to see what they did at Gryffindor's scary house," said Marlene, putting a small chocolate inside her mouth.

"And I hope you'll have the best time of your life, Marls, I'll be waiting outside patiently" Lily nodded with a smile and Marlene chuckled.

"You don't like scary houses?" Remus asked, biting into his second bar of chocolate, he couldn't get enough of it.

"No, and I also don't like scary movies, so I won't be going to Ravenclaw Hall either" Lily looked at the other two girls pointedly.

"And what do you like doin' on Halloween, then?" Remus questioned with a chuckle.

"Carve pumpkins, go trick or treating, watch Halloween toons..." she started numbering.

"Lils, those are activities we did when we were at Desmond's, those are for kids" Marlene laughed and Lily frowned at her.

"Well, I just don't like to get scared" she shrugged and Remus patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I won't you make go if you don't like it" Remus assured and Lily beamed warmly.

"Thank you, Remus, at least I have one good friend," she said and Marlene stuck her tongue at her.

"Hey, ladies" James appeared at the table with a smirk on his face "and Remus" he winked at him, and Remus rolled his eyes with a smile.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily questioned, her face stern and her arms crossed over the table.

"Hey, Evans! I'm actually not here for you, believe it or not" James commented with a giggle and Remus noticed how Lily's face started going slightly red "I was...Remus is that chocolate?" he asked suddenly, Remus stopped eating and looked up at the boy.

"Uhm, yes?" he replied, confused.

"Remus, what did we talked about?" James sighed, putting his hands on the table "You have to improve your diet for Track, eat a little better, and more. You can't just survive out of tea, chocolates, and cigs" James raised his eyebrows, it reminded Remus of an expression Gloria or Mrs. Hernandez would have when scolding him.

"Right," he said and he put down the half-eaten chocolate bar.

"You can still eat your chocolates, but please eat lunch too," James said now putting his hands on his hip.

"So if you have quite finished criticizing Remus' food, you can go" Lily interfered, annoyed.

"Uhm, no, I wasn't here for that" James shook his head and turned to Mary "Mary, reina, belleza, my dear and lovely friend" he started with a smile, Mary looked up at him with a pleased grin on her face.

"Yes, James?" she asked as if she was a boss attending her employers.

"Could you let me borrow your red lipstick, please?" he said, his dimples appearing beside his mouth. Mary opened his eyes.

"And why is that, Potter?" she laughed.

"It's for a surprise" he glanced back at Lily, who didn't look so pleased with his presence "Halloween related" Mary laughed again and took out the lipstick from her bag.

"Be careful with it, it's Chanel" she warned and handed the black tube to the boy.

"Promise" James guaranteed and walked away.

"I can't believe you give him your lipstick, what if he destroys it?" Lily blurted out.

"Don't worry, Lils, I have another one" Mary waved dismissively and Lily sighed.

"Of course you do" she muttered and Remus knew exactly what the girl was feeling.

Classes ended earlier than expected. Teachers were all too worried about safety and planning, especially for the younger students, to be teaching accordingly. The Dinner was served earlier that day, around 5, and it was 'Autumn' themed with butternut squash soup, roasted lamb and pumpkin, and blackberry crumble for dessert. After that, every student bolted out of the Dining Hall to their respective houses. Inside every building chaos was present. People went in and out of the Common Room, yelling about where one part of their costume was or asking another person for face paint. Remus just calmly went up to his room, dodging boys running down the stairs in his way.

His room was empty, thankfully, he got ready in a couple of minutes. His costume wasn't too elaborate, it consisted only of a greenish old sweater and a pair of brown trousers, by himself he didn't look like anything in particular, but everything would come together when Lily was with him.

He went over to Scarlet Building. The space between the two dorms of Gryffindor Hall had now a big black tent with scary decorations outside of it and a sign that said 'Gryffindor's Scare House' in red dripping letters. He saw Frank holding a clipboard outside the tent and yelling to some other students about checking inside the lights. Remus thought that he looked like an adult like that, not like a 17-year-old boy. He waited for the girls on the steps of Scarlet, smoking a cigarette to kill time. When he finally saw them coming out of the building, he put out his fag on the floor and smiled at the three girls.

"Oh, Remus you look perfect!" Lily said, happily. She was wearing a short lilac dress over a dark purple shirt with a green ascot and a headband that matched her dress.

"You lot look so cute together!" Mary exclaimed with a smile. She was wearing an all-black attire, with a fitted long-sleeve top, a mini skirt, and tights, finished up with a pair of cat ears on her curly head.

"Thanks," he said shyly "So, you're gonna tell us what you are finally?" he asked Mary.

"Isn't it obvious" she opened her arms "Catwoman?" the other three hummed.

"I thought that you were just a cat" Marlene admitted. She was wearing a pair of distressed black jeans, a band tee with the sleeves cut, a red bandana on her head, and had on her bare arms drawings made with black marker.

"You uncultured lot" Mary rolled her painted eyes, "well, I'm going to find me my Batman, see ya' in a minute" she walked away and Remus glanced at Marlene.

"And you're a rockstar?" he guessed.

"Not any rockstar, the rockstar, Axel Rose" she smiled, proudly.

"Oh, I can see that" Remus chuckled.

"Should we go and get some sweets?" Lily suggested, shaking the plastic Jack-o-lantern on her hand.

"Yes, let's go" Marlene said.

They went to Demond's Campus, where the ambiance was a lot more peaceful than Godric's. Kids walked around with their bags full of candies and chocolate, grabbing candies from the several tables teachers had put all around the place. It was more monitored than Godric, where there wasn't one adult in sight. Lily went over to a table and the teacher there -who Remus had never seen before- raised her eyebrows at her.

"To what we owe the pleasure to have you here, Miss Evans?" she questioned.

"Hi, Mrs. Johnson, I just wanted some treats" she smiled innocently at the teacher and she chuckled slightly.

"Shouldn't you be at Godric's? These are for years 7 to 9" she pointed out.

"Well, I see it this way, professor, if they can sneak into our campus and go to our activities, we can do the same" Lily shrugged with a grin "it's only fair" the teacher laughed and shook her head.

"I've always liked you, Miss Evans" she grabbed a handful of sweets from her table and put them into Lily's lantern "Happy Halloween" Lily turned around and looked at Remus excitedly.

"You are good at winning teachers over" Remus commented as they walked to the next stand.

"Is one of my many talents" Lily nodded, bringing a gummy worm to her mouth.

They spent some time at Desmond and when Lily finally had her jack-o-lantern filled to the brim with candy and chocolate, they went back to Godric's Campus. It now was buzzing with crowds of students outside each house, people were running around trying to scare one another, and it was clearly more alive than Desmond. It surprised Remus the amount of effort they put in only for a night, the place looked like a themed park. He supposed he would never understand it, it was a 'posh-thing' after all.

They saw Mary walking down the street with Daryl in her hand, he was wearing a Batman costume, or rather, an all-black outfit with a cape and a Batman mask.

"There you are guys!" Mary exclaimed, hurrying toward them and dragging Daryl along "I've been looking for you for at least 10 minutes"

"We were at Desmond's" Marlene explained, crossing her arms.

"Oh, Lils and her sweets" Mary pinched one of Lily's cheeks and the redhead scrunched her nose.

"I wasn't going to miss the opportunity of free candy, I..." Lily couldn't finish her sentence because James Potter came behind her running and making a sound that made her scream. She turned around, terrified, and when she saw James laughing she pushed him away with an angry expression "oh, you dick!"

"You should've seen your face, Evans" he continued laughing, and Remus chuckled a little as well, it had been funny. Peter came behind him, with a little smile.

"So, how are you all?" James asked looking around the group. He had a Football uniform on but his face was covered in black and red makeup, making him look like a zombie; his hair was also messier but Remus couldn't figure out if it had been a costume choice or if it was just his natural hair.

"What are you?" Marlene questioned, with a brow raised.

"Zombie player from Dawn of the Dead, of course," James said as if it was obvious.

"That's what you used my lipstick for?" Mary pointed at his face with a brow raised.

"It's the little details" James grinned guiltily.

"And you Pete?" Mary questioned, looking at the boy. He was wearing a red flannel shirt under a jean jacket, black jeans, and motorcycling gloves.

"Uhm, Bender, from The Breakfast Club" Peter muttered, with a shy smirk.

"Oh, right! I love that movie" Marlene exclaimed and Peter grinned widely.

"Alright, everyone?" Sirius Black came with a side smirk. He was wearing tight black jeans and a fitted black T-shirt, with his hair pulled back in a messy bun. He was holding the hand of Dalia and beside her, there was another girl who didn't look too pleased to be there.

"Hi, guys" Dalia saluted. She had her long blond hair curled all the way and wore an all-black outfit with some red heels. Remus could see it clearly, Dalia was Sandy Olsson and Sirius was Danny Zuko, from Grease.

"Oh, this is Leah" James said, bringing the other girl closer to him by the waist. Remus noticed how Lily, Marlene, and Mary eyed curiously the hand placement of the boy.

"Hi," the girl said with her lips pressed together and sending glances to Mary. She was wearing an outfit very similar to her, with cat ears and a cape.

"Are you Catwoman?" Mary questioned, with a tone Remus knew was fake friendliness.

"Uhm, yes" Leah muttered, not too happy. Mary hummed.

"I see" she eyed Daryl, looking uncomfortable.

"Let me guess, Axel Rose?" Sirius pointed at Marlene and her face lit up with excitement.

"Yes! Exactly" she nodded, pleased with herself.

"And you..." Sirius turned to Remus with a tint of disdain on his face "Kurt Cobain?" he guessed and Remus frowned.

"He's Shaggy" Lily interfered, hugging Remus' arm.

"Right, Shaggy and Daphne" Peter pointed out and Lily and Remus nodded.

"Oh, that's so cute!" Dalia commented with a grin.

"What're you lot doing?" James asked, sending a small glance to Lily's arm around Remus'.

"Uhm, nothing, actually," Marlene said.

"Why don't we go to our house?" Dalia said, pointing at Leah and herself "we can do apple bobbing there!" she suggested and everyone agreed.

They all walk together to Hufflepuff Hall, Remus, Daryl, and the girls stalled behind the other group.

"Did you guys see how Leah was looking at me?" Mary commented in a low voice, only for them to hear.

"Babe, calm down, you are just saying that because she's dressed as Catwoman too" Daryl comforted her "You look a lot better than her, anyways" Daryl placed a kiss on her cheek and pulled her closer with his arm.

"Why is Potter with her anyways?" Marlene questioned, "are they dating?" they looked to the front, where James was holding Leah's hand and said something to make her giggle.

"I don't know, and I don't care," Lily said with a laugh "but honestly, any girl who ends up with James Potter has to have serious problems" they all chuckled.

Hufflepuff Hall was nicely decorated with a 'Harvest' theme; full of pumpkins, a scarecrow, and several buckets in the gardens with water and apples floating on them. They were grouped into four buckets led by a Hufflepuff student who directed the apple bobbing contest.

"Come on," Dalia said, guiding them to a set of four buckets that no one was using "Hey, Alice" Dalia greeted the older Hufflepuff girl.

"Oh, Dalia, I see that you brought guests" the girl with short hair and a pair of bees antennas looked at all of them with a big smile "you guys all want to do it? We have prizes" she signed at a table at the back of the garden, it had lots of small buckets full of candy and some teddy-bears dressed up as farmers.

"Oh, babe, I want one!" Mary shrieked with excitement, pulling Daryl's hand.

"Right, I'm in," Daryl said, brushing Mary's arm.

"You need three other competitors" Alice gazed at the remaining people with an expectant look.

"Count me in, I'll win that bear for Dalia" Sirius stepped forward with a smug smirk.

"Oh, no if I'm there to stop it," James said, surrounding Sirius' neck with his arm and pulling him down.

"Fuck off, Prongs!" Sirius laughed, pushing James from his face.

"We need one more," Alice said and Mary twisted her head toward Remus.

"Come on, Remus! Get in, win Lily a bear" she pushed and Remus pressed his lips together.

"Do you want a bear?" he asked Lily in a whisper.

"No, but I would like somebody to beat Potter and Black" she muttered with a playful smile. Remus snorted.

"I'll try," he said and walked to the remaining bucket.

"The rules are simple, you will have 30 seconds to get apples out of the bucket, you have to have your arms behind your back or else it won't count. The person with the most apples wins the price" Alice indicated, grabbing the pocket chronometer that hung from her neck in front of her face. "Ready, boys?" she said and Remus put his hands behind his back and stared down at his own reflection between red and yellow apples "ready..." he glanced to his left, beside Daryl, Sirius Black was looking deep into the water "set..." Sirius moved his grey eyes off the water and into him. Remus went back to that first day of P.E. when they had been in a similar situation. He hoped the outcome of this one would be the same "go!" Alice yelled and Remus put his head on the bucket.

The water was freezing, so it shocked him immediately, hurting his temples. He tried to search for apples biting around the water, but he couldn't feel them anywhere, much less see clearly. He took out his head to take oxygen, he heard the screams of all of the girls, cheering up at their favorite contestant.

"Come on, Remus!" he heard Lily saying and he put his head into the water again. He put an apple against the walls of the bucket and grabbed it with his fangs, finally taking one out.

"Yes!" Marlene cheered "another, Remus, another!" he put his head in again, now having a strategy to bite the fruit. He pulled out another one and glanced at Sirius. The boy took out an apple too and spat it out beside him. He looked at Remus too and got into the water again. Remus did the same and tried to bite another one.

"10 seconds!" he heard Alice screaming. He searched around with his mouth, trying to get one last apple, and finally bit one, just two seconds before Alice yelled again "stop! Time's over" Remus spat his apple beside the other two he had gotten out. It had been a lot harder than he had expected.

He looked to his side, hair dripping water into his face, and noticed that Daryl had four apples beside him. Remus hissed internally, it was clear that he hadn't won. He stretched his neck back, watching James' and Sirius' apples and they both had gotten out three.

"I think we have our winner" Alice announced, pointing at Daryl and Mary shrieked, running toward Daryl and hugging him. Remus walked away, shaking the front of his hair with his hand, trying to get the most water out of it.

"You did good!" Lily cheered with a smile.

"Well, at least they didn't beat me" Remus shrugged.

"They didn't win so I feel like it was a good result at the end," Lily said looking over Remus' shoulder. He turned around and watched Daryl giving Mary the Teddy bear.

"Oi! Do you want to go to the Scare House?" James suggested, drying his messy hair with the bottom of his shirt, almost all his face make-up was gone except for the red marks that came from Mary's lipstick.

"Uhm, no, Potter, we were just going somewhere else" Lily replied, annoyed.

"Oh, Evans, don't tell me you're scared" James teased with a smile.

"I'm not scared" Lily protested, crossing her arms "it's just that it's pretty boring" Lily shrugged and Remus looked at her with a slight frown. What was she doing?

"Let's go then, if it's as boring as you say" James stepped closer and looked at Lily with an eyebrow raised.

"Uhm...well...yeah..." Lily stuttered "let's go" Remus glanced back at Marlene who looked as confused as him, but they didn't dare to say anything.

They went to Gryffindor Hall. From the Scare House, a group was coming out, screaming and looking terrified. Lily stopped on her feet and turned to Remus with a worried face.

"Uhm, Remus, do you think it'll be too scary?" she mumbled.

"I mean it's a Scare House" he pointed out and Marlene slapped him softly on his shoulder.

"Remus, you're not helping" Marlene whispered and Lily's face twisted in horror, hearing the thunders and screams that came from inside the tent.

"Evans, are you coming?" James called her, walking to the entrance of the Scare House.

"Do you want us to go with you?" Remus asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She sighed and shook her head.

"No, no, I think I can do this" Lily swallowed hard and walked to James.

"We'll go with you," Mary said walking with Daryl behind James and Lily. The four entered and Remus was left with Marlene and the other four remaining of James' group.

"Why don't we look for something to drink while they're there?" Sirius suggested, surrounding Dalia's shoulder with his arm, even after getting his hair completely wet by the apple bobbing he looked completely fine; it made Remus angry. They walked to the other side of Lion's building, where ice boxes lay on the grass filled with drinks. They each grabbed a pint and stepped aside on the street to drink them.

"D'you reckon those tossers did Devil's Night at Salazar's since Snake Building is stinking with fish?" Sirius told Peter, signing at Slytherin Hall. It was completely empty around the two buildings, but inside the second one flashes of colored lights could be seen as if it was a disco or a nightclub.

"What's Devil's Night?" Remus asked Peter.

"The bloody Halloween tradition for Slytherin" Sirius replied instead, with a smirk

"It's the one night those pretentious pricks actually do a party" Marlene continued, eyeing Slytherin Hall "It's totally private and you can only get in with an invitation, but they only ever invite Slytherins"

"I heard that they do sacrifices in there" Sirius opened his eyes "that's why it's called Devil's Night" Marlene cackled at this and Dalia frowned.

"Stop, baby!" Dalia slapped him on his chest "Not every one of them is bad. At least some of the girls are cool" she commented and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever you say, D" he snorted and sipped from his bottle.

"How do you think Lily's holding on?" Marlene asked Remus in a low voice, stepping closer to him.

"She's pretty brave, I believe in her," Remus said then took a sip of his beer and they went back to the Scare House. He noticed a pair of gray eyes watching him with curiosity and then Sirius quirked up his lips in a naughty smirk and walked closer.

"Lupin, why didn't you go inside?" Sirius questioned arching a brow and Remus shrugged.

"'s child stuff," he said simply, sipping his pint once again. Sirius snorted.

"So this is not scary enough for you then?" he said, in a playful tone that Remus didn't like one bit.

"No" Remus didn't want to get into another verbal fight with Sirius, at least not in public again.

"So what's scary to the 'brave Remus Lupin'?" he asked, coming closer to him. Remus sighed deeply and stared Sirius right back into his eyes.

"If I told you I would have to kill you" he repeated, sarcastically and Sirius cackled.

"Fair" the boy whispered to his face and then went back to where Dalia was. Remus rolled his eyes and sipped again, Sirius was just trying to tease him, he couldn't let him have the satisfaction of getting into his brain. They waited for a couple of more minutes outside the Scare House and then they saw Mary and Daryl come out first. Mary was holding into Daryl's arm tightly and both were laughing hard.

"Oh, God, it was incredible!" Mary giggled walking to the group.

"Where's Lily?" Marlene asked.

"Oh, they were right behind us," Daryl said pointing behind his back, and exactly at that moment Lily and James were coming out of the Scare House. Lily had both of her hands dug into James' bicep. Her face was totally pale, her eyes were all the way open, her scarf was undone, and her red hair was a fiery bird nest over her head. Remus noticed how Leah told Dalia something on the ear when both of them were walking to the group.

"So, how was it, Lils?" Remus asked, raising a brow. Lily blinked fastly like she was coming out of a trance. She glanced at her hands on James' arms and then pulled them away fast as if James was something toxic she ought not to touch.

"Uhm, it was alright" she smiled weakly, pressing down her hair.

"I give it to her, she didn't scream as much as I thought she would" James teased, looking down at Lily with a smile.

"I didn't scream at all, Potter" Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Uhm, guys, we're gonna head back to Hufflepuff" Dalia intervened, with a nervous grin "my feet are killing me," she said, bu the way Leah was looking nastily at James and Lily told Remus that Dalia's heels weren't the problem.

"Already?" Sirius whined, grabbing Dalia by the waist.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'll see you tomorrow" she pouted, fixing some loose strands of raven hair behind Sirius' ears "you have to get a haircut" she suggested.

"Never, if I ever cut my hair it'll be against my will" he claimed and Dalia laughed. She pressed a soft kiss on Sirius' lips, the boy then cupped her face and intensified the embrace. Remus looked away, feeling uncomfortable for looking. Leah cleared her throat angrily and the couple pulled away.

"See ya', guys" she waved at the others as if she just realized they had been there the entire time "have a good night" she hooked her arm with Leah's, and both girls walked away.

"Well, who wants to continue drinking?" Sirius asked raising his arms and Mary cheered. They walked over a spot with some chairs behind Gryffindor Hall, far from the Scare House. Sirius grabbed a bottle of vodka and a flashlight he had found lying around.

"Why don't we play Truth or False?" Mary suggested excitedly and Marlene groaned.

"What's Truth or False?" James asked, sitting beside Peter.

"It's a game where one of us says something, it can be about themselves or another in the group, and if you think is true you drink, if not you pass, then those who didn't get it right have to drink" Mary explained and Remus made a face.

"That's just an easy way to get wasted!" James laughed.

"Count me in," Sirius said with a cheeky smile.

"Right, then, who starts?" Mary looked around.

"Why don't you start? Since you were the one who brought it up" Sirius suggested, taking the seat on the other side of James, right in front of Remus.

"Fine," Mary hummed trying to think about something to say "Oh, I know! I've never smoked before" everyone in the circle, except Mary, sipped a little from the bottle passing it to the next one. The taste of vodka was strong in Remus' throat, it brought him memories that if he thought about it for too long the vodka would come out the same way it entered his body.

"You are all correct!" Mary said, clapping happily "next one, Marls," she said looking at Marlene who was on her other side.

"Uhm" Marlene looked around "I did ballet when I was younger," she said. Lily and Mary both sipped from the bottle "It's true" Marlene revealed and Sirius gasped.

"What? Marlene Mckinnon in ballet?! That's something I want to see" he joked and Marlene flipped him off. All the boys drank from the bottle. Remus felt like the alcohol was starting to burn his whole digestive tract.

"Remus" Mary called. He stared at the people looking at him, he had no idea what to say.

"I had a dog before" it was the only thing he came up with. All of them, except Peter, Lily, and Marlene, drank up "It's false" he revealed then.

"Of, course, you look more like a cat person" Lily reasoned and Remus chuckled.

"I've never had a pet" he confessed to the girl.

They continued the game, Lily said she had cheated on tests, which nobody drank up since they all knew Lily Evans was not one to cheat on tests. Peter said something about being half-Spanish which had turned up false. James said that he had tried dog food before which -to the surprise of no one- was true. Then Sirius said he had never gone to America. Remus had thought that it was false, somebody with that much money surely traveled a lot.

"It's true" Sirius had said and almost everyone, except for Peter and James, drank from the bottle "my parents hate America"

"Then is good that you have an American girlfriend" James commented and everyone laughed, starting to feel the effects of Vodka on them.

Daryl said that he trained 5 times a week at the gym, which was true and then it was Mary's turn once again.

"Well, since nobody wants to spice things up I'll do it myself," she said, smiling "is it true or not..." she looked at everyone "that Remus snogged Seige Peterson" Remus froze in his place and looked at Mary alarmed.

How did she know that? How did Mary know everything that happened in Hogwarts? How was that possible?

He felt the eyes of everyone in the circle on him. His face was burning hot and he gazed down, trying to avoid all the attention.

"What?" he heard Marlene say.

"Mary, what are you talking about?" Lily asked, confused.

"That can't be real" Sirius snorted "Lupin snogging Seige Peterson? Please," he said with scorn. Remus raised his sight and looked at the other boy.

"What?" he questioned "you don't think I'm good enough to snog her or what?" he felt his head heavy and dizzy, something in him was starting to light up and he didn't know how to put it out.

"Give me a break! She's the hottest girl in Year 13, you're telling me you snogged her before I did?" Sirius scoffed.

"And since when are you the measure for knowing if I could snog someone or not?" Remus spat, standing up.

"Remus, calm down" Lily pulled his hand "Mary!"

"But it's not a lie, I heard it from Emmeline!" Mary defended "I didn't think it would be a big deal"

"Was probably a lie" Sirius blurted.

"I don't need you to believe me, Black" Remus said.

"You shouldn't have brought it up" Lily scolded, frowning at Mary. The girl shrank in her seat with glossy eyes and her lips parted.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." she glanced at Remus worriedly and then at Daryl as if she was asking for his help.

"We'll take a break, we'll be back later" Daryl announced, before standing up with Mary and going away.

The circle was left in silence. The tension in the air was as thick as the dark clouds in the night sky. Remus sat up again, with his jaw clenched, and the small fun he was having earlier had vanished away.

"Well, why don't we do something else?" James suggested "uhm...Pads" he looked at Sirius "why don't you tell us one of your scary stories?" Sirius had a stern face but then, suddenly, it lit up with a slanted smile.

"Yes, good idea" he grabbed the flashlight he had brought and turned it on, lighting the bottom of his mouth "let's talk about 'the legend of Livia Noir'"

"Sirius, that's a stupid legend..." Marlene began.

"Oh, but I'm sure Mr. Snoggings here hadn't heard it, does he?" he pointed at Remus with the light, blinding him for a split second and Remus frowned.

"No, I don't know what' you're talking 'bout" he muttered, still annoyed by the conversation they had seconds ago.

"Well of course you don't, you're new at Hogwarts" Sirius shrugged.

"I haven't heard of it either" Lily pointed out.

"Well then you're in good luck, Miss Lily Evans," he said with a smirk and put the light back under his face "the legend goes this way, forty years ago there was a strange girl who assisted Hogwarts Academy, her name was Livia Noir. All of her classmates believed she was a dodgy girl, she did some strange shit. People believed even that she was some sort of witch or something. They said she was trying to curse her roommate, to kill her." Remus raised his eyebrows unimpressed with how the story was going "people used to be scared of her, calling her names and avoiding her at all cost"

"Well, that's just mean!" Lily interrupted.

"Yes, but she wouldn't let them have it their way." Sirius walked to the center "One night, she escaped her room here at Godric's Campus and went to the chapel that was here at Hogwarts. There, it is believed, that she made a pact with the devil so he will condemn all of those who wronged her. She sold her soul to him and that night, she killed herself!" Sirius yelled and Lily jumped on her seat "After that, weird shit started happening in Hogwarts, especially in that chapel. It caught on fire weeks after her death and it had to be closed forever. They say sometimes you can hear her screams and wails at the church, that's why it's called the Shrieking Shack now. It is also believed her curse extends all the way to this same ground. People feel being watched or followed when they're alone at night. Some people go crazy, others even disappear! All because of her ghost, and if you hear somebody crying at Hogwarts at night don't even think of stopping! No! You have to run for your life!"

"That's bullshit" Remus snorted in disbelief. Sirius turned at him with a scowl.

"It's a real story" Sirius refutes "That chapel is still there"

"Wasn't that chapel close with the reform?" Lily inquired "I remember Binns talking about it"

"Yeah, but the reform happened after all of that" Sirius reasoned.

"Well...it's so wrong that you all play with people's deaths like that, it's not a game," Lily said crossing her arms, Remus sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Nobody died, Lily, is all a lie" he eyed Sirius with scorn and the boy opened his mouth.

"It is not! Do you want to see the chapel for yourself?" he dared, walking over to where Remus was.

"Let's go then" Remus stood up, facing him.

"You sure you want to do this? Is dark" Marlene commented.

"Yes, I want to show Lupin that not all of us lie in the things they say" Sirius teased, raising his eyebrows.

"What Mary said isn't a lie" Remus reminded him.

"Well, what I'm saying is not a lie either" Sirius got his face closer to Remus'.

"Show me the Shrieking Shack" he said between teeth. Sirius started to walk away quickly and Remus followed him to the front of Gryffindor Hall.

"Remus, Remus!" Lily called, grabbing his arm "I don't think this is a good idea, is late" she said worriedly.

"Not now Lily, I want to go" Remus shook his head, feeling the alcohol slowing his movements, and Lily let him go.

"Well," she pressed her lips together and stepped back "I'll go back to Scarlet, you coming Marls?" she glanced at Marlene with a tint of disappointment on her face.

"Yes," Marlened eyed Remus warningly and then followed the redhead to Scarlet Building.

"Come on, Lupin" Sirius yelled from the front. Remus turned around and caught up with the other three boys. They snuck past the limit between the woods and Godric's Campus, but instead of going forward, to where the Bonfire had been done, they went to the left, Sirius leading the way with the flashlight.

"Sirius, is this safe?" Peter asked in a little voice.

"Of course not we're in the woods, Pete" Sirius snorted and Peter shrieked.

"Where's your sense of adventure, Wormy?" James teased, holding the shorter boy by the shoulders and messing with his hair. Remus could tell the four of them weren't in the right conditions to be wandering in the woods at night, but something inside him prevented him from turning around and going back to safety.

"I remember my cousin telling me that the chapel was around here" Sirius mumbled, pointing his light out in the front.

"You don't know where it is?!" Remus questioned, alarmed.

"No, no, no, trust me, I know" Sirius assured.

The forest was completely dark, the moon was covered by thick grey clouds, so the only light available was the flashlight Sirius carried. It smelled humid and mossy all around, and Remus and the only thing that could be heard apart from themselves was the crickets and frogs singing. They were far away from the loud and crowded campus.

"Hey, Remus" James walked closer to him "you're not with Lily then? Since you kissed Seige Peterson and all that" he fixed his glasses over his nose, his eyes looking tired but a smile still plastered on his face.

"What?" Remus frowned and then laughed "No, no" he shook his head quickly "Lily and I are just good friends" he assured the other boy and his grin widened.

"Great! I figured" he shrugged and then cleared his throat, dropping his smile a little "not that I care anyways, I mean... " he scratched the back of his neck "you can be her boyfriend she's fantastic...and who am I to interfere with her choices, she had made very clear that she does not want me...not that I care..." he stressed and Remus chuckled "I was just curious, that's all"

"Good that you don't care then" he raised his eyebrows "seems that you were pretty friendly with Leah" Remus pointed out in a suggestive tone.

"Oh, that" James chuckled nervously "yeah, Dalia said she fancies me, so..." James shrugged and Remus nodded.

"Got it"

"There it is!" Sirius said after a couple of minutes, he pointed the flashlight to a tall and dark structure that loomed over them in the distance.

"That's the chapel?" Remus said, doubtfully. It looked more like a horror house than a church. The outside was all from grey rotting wood, almost all the tinted windows were broken, and a whole side of the top was gone, letting trees grow into it.

"Well, it's been abandoned for 40 years, don't expect it to be beautiful" Sirius pointed out. He dragged the light across all the walls of the chapel, staring at it in awe and fear.

"So are we going inside?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"You want to go inside?" Remus repeated, surprised.

"Well, we didn't just walk all the way here to stand and see the architecture" Sirius reasoned.

"Then, let's go inside" they started walking to the church but Peter stopped them.

"Uhm, I'll stay out," Peter said, looking at the shack with terror "to see that nobody comes" he clarified, but Remus could tell that it wasn't at all the reason.

"I'll keep you company, Pete" James punched him lightly on the arm "you lads go" Remus nodded and followed Sirius inside the place.

Upon entering the first thing Remus sensed was the horrible smell, it was something between a dead animal and mold. He covered his nose, coughing, his eyes watering. He heard Sirius groan and saw him bringing his shirt over his nose.

"God it smells like death in here" Sirius complained, casting the light around the church.

It was badly destroyed and nature had taken over it, with almost all of the chapel covered in plants and bushes. The benches at the center were all rotting away, half of them already in pieces on the floor, the altar had a big pile of rocks and wood over it, it seemed like it might have been some type of balcony above it; behind the altar a big mosaic mural stood, the paint chipped and burnt, over it the tinted glass window was still intact, but it looked dirty and cloudy. At the left side of the altar, there was a big dark hole that looked like it led under the church, probably to a sewer system.

"Well, that's our answer for the smell" Sirius pointed beside one of the nearest benches, beside it laid a furry ball that looked wet with blood. Remus squinted his eyes and shivered when he realized what it was. A dead rat.

"That's disgusting" Remus grimaced and walked away from it. Sirius followed him, pointing around with the light.

"Is this scary enough for you?" Sirius questioned and Remus looked at him.

"It's just an abandoned church" Remus commented with sarcasm "the scariest thing here is the infections we can get" Sirius snorted.

"You still don't believe me?" Sirius said with a bitter laugh.

"Black, please, you're talking 'bout ghost stories, you're daft if you believe in that kinda stuff" Remus responded, trying to keep around the light, he didn't want to step into bad wood or something.

"But do you think that somebody died here?" Sirius asked in an impressed tone.

"I believe in any place someone could've died, that's jus' the cycle of life" Remus rolled his eyes.

"What a cynic" Sirius cackled and pointed the flashlight to the ceiling, it was vaulted, with almost all of the wooden lines already gone. Above the entrance, there was another balcony with what seemed like an organ for mass.

"Want to go upstairs?" Sirius asked putting the light on Remus' face.

"Get that shit off" he groaned, pushing the flashlight away and Sirius laughed "I don't think it's safe, ya'know" he glanced at the unstable-looking balcony.

"If it hasn't fallen in forty years it's the only thing that looks safe around here" Sirius observed and started walking toward the spiral stairs that led up. Remus sighed and followed the other boy hesitantly.

If he died Sirius Black was all to blame.

They went up, the wood in the stairs squeaking under their weight, it felt like the whole staircase and the balcony vibrated as they went up. When they got to the balcony, Sirius dragged the light across the old organ, it was pretty burnt and most of its keys were gone.

"Hold this" Sirius handed him the flashlight and went excitedly to the instrument.

"What are you...?" Sirius started to play with the keys left in the organ, but, of course, no noise came out of it.

"You're an idiot" Remus shook his head and walked to the other side of the balcony, where there was a closed door. He struggled with it a couple of times, but then he got it open. It probably had been some sort of office before, it had one old desk turned on the floor and the whole room looked pretty damaged. Remus entered cautiously and pointed the flashlight around.

"So you snog Seige Peterson then..." Sirius mentioned all of the sudden, Remus turned around with a frown and lit the other boy's face.

"You believe me now?" he scoffed.

"How?" he asked, with honest confusion covering his angled features.

"I'm not going to tell you how it was" Remus scowled. 

Sirius clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes "I'm not asking that, I'm asking how did you do it?" 

"Oh" Remus shrugged "she kissed me" Sirius' eyes pulled further together if that was even possible.

"I just can't see it" Sirius shook his head and then went to the other side of the room "I've been trying with Seige since I was in Year 9 and you come here first month, and kiss her?" he opened his arms.

"Don't worry, your time will come, some people are just late bloomers" Remus teased with irony, Sirius made a face.

"I've snogged more girls than you know in your life" he defended.

"I wasn't asking" Remus shook his head and turned around, giving him his back. He was lazily dragging the light across the entrance of the room when he noticed something that shimmered on the floor beside the door.

"I just don't understand, first partying with Xeno and his lot, and now this..." Sirius continued but Remus stopped listening to the boy. He walked closer to the thing that glowed, it was trapped between the debris and a panel behind the wall. Remus tore off a piece of wood and put his hand inside, he felt something cold, small, and hard. He took it out and noticed it was a silver necklace with an opened heart locket. He put it under the light and brushed the dirt over it with his finger. Over the locket, one name could be distinguished: 'Liv'. Remus squinted at it, believing that maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him.

Liv. As in Livia? But no. It couldn't be real. Sirius had been just taking the piss. It had been a fake story, that locket must be fake or someone else's.

"Lupin? Are you hearing me?" Sirius took him out of his thoughts. He didn't know why, but he hid the necklace inside his pocket immediately, he didn't want Sirius to see it.

"You were saying?" He turned around and stood up with his eyebrow raised. Sirius stepped toward him with a frown.

"Did you find something?" he asked.

"Oh, no" he shook his head and walked away from the broken wood pannel "jus' another dead rat" he shrugged. Sirius looked over his shoulder and then grimaced.

"Let's just go, some of this floor is loose and it seems like it's gonna rain" Sirius urged. He was correct, the smell of rain could be sensed in the air, and by the look of some of the clouds earlier it seemed like they'll have a storm that night.

"Alright" Sirius snatched the flashlight back and walked out of the room. Remus glanced at the hole in the wall for some seconds and then followed the other boy down.

"How was it? Scary?" James asked them when they got outside. Sirius nodded.

"Proper scary" the boy confirmed "but Lupin right here was just talking 'bout diseases and what not" Sirius snorted, but Remus didn't have the mind to make a snarky comment at it. His head was completely in the necklace he was carrying inside his pocket.

"Well, let's return now, it's gonna pour at any moment" James signed with his head and the four walked back to Godric's Campus. The night had become a lot more breezy than before and thunders threatened to erupt into a storm at any moment.

When Remus got into the bathroom he finally took out the locket. He stared at it for some seconds and then washed it thoroughly. After he could get most of the dirt and ashes out of it he could see the name better. His eyes hadn't deceived him, it really said 'Liv' over the heart locket. He brushed it with his fingers, afraid that it might rub off. Then, he opened hoping there'd be something inside but it was empty.

He hadn't thought Sirius' story could've been real but now he was starting to doubt it.

Chapter Text

Who hasn't ever wondered: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?
-Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star.

November 1st, 1995

Remus couldn't stop thinking about the necklace. He should have assumed that it was nothing, that it probably was something from another of the thousand people who had assisted Hogwarts before or maybe a sick Halloween prank. But why would it be hidden so well if somebody wanted somebody else to find it? It was too much of a coincidence to look past it. He had spent the entire night thinking about it, holding the silver locket in his hand until it was tattoed in his brain. He even hid it inside one of his books before going to Breakfast that morning, afraid that it might disappear while he was in class. The table was pretty quiet, Mary wasn't there and Marlene and Lily looked all too tired and hungover to be having a whole conversation, but still, the redhead tried:

"Did you see anything in the Shrieking Shack?" she asked, stirring her oatmeal lazily.

"Uhm?" Remus turned at her, confused, she had got him out of his thoughts "oh, no, was jus' a bunch of rubbish, nuthin' supernatural" he shrugged and Lily hummed as if that wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"I was worried that something could happen to you, I don't like Potter and Black dragging you into their things, it's already too much that they drag poor Peter with them" Lily commented with worried brows.

"Is ok, Lils" he sighed with a weak smile.

"I know you want to do your own things, Remus, but...just be careful," Lily said with a warm beam.

"So how is it?" Marlene asked, looking more animated to talk now "The Shrieking Shack I mean"

"It's just an abandoned chapel" Remus shrugged "the place 's rotting and there's nothing left." Remus remembered something "We did see a dead rat" Marlene opened her eyes and Lily made a face.

"Cool," the blond said at the same time that the redhead spat a "Disgusting"

"So what Sirius said was all a lie?" Lily questioned.

"Yeah, well, I dunno. There's no ghost there that's for certain," Remus replied and his mind went back to his dorm, where the necklace lay between the pages of Hamlet.

"That's just a legend that everybody in Hogwarts tells at some point, is mostly for scaring little kids" Marlene waved dismissively and put her feet on the empty spot beside her.

"And Mary?" Remus asked, Marlene and Lily shared a look and then Lily sighed.

"We haven't seen her since last night, her roommate told us that she was crying and we looked for her this morning but we couldn't find her" Lily explained.

"Guess she feels bad" Marlene shrugged eyeing Remus.

"I really don't care, it was jus' a stupid game," Remus said and Lily pressed her lips together.

"Yeah, but it wasn't a good thing to do anyways" Lily reasoned.

"I'm jus' more concerned about how she knows everything that happens in Hogwarts" Remus mentioned with his eyes open, the girls giggled.

"She knows everyone here" Marlene chuckled "if you want to know something about someone she probably is the best to ask" Remus nodded.

"Noted"

"So, Seige..." Lily started with a cheeky smile, Remus rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Don't start, or may I remind you how you were with James last night" Remus teased, shoving Lily slightly with his shoulder.

"Stop!" she groaned and Marlene cackled "Both of you! Last night Marls was saying that as well" she put her hands on her face and Remus and Marlene fist-bumped with a laugh.

"I'm sorry, but you swore that Potter was the worst, then you came out of the Scare House like you were walking to the altar" Marlene recalled.

"Well, he is in fact the worst, he's always annoying me. Last night was just a moment of weakness" Lily said simply "I would've end up the same with anybody else if they had entered with me"

"He's not all bad, ya'know" Remus added with an eyebrow arched.

"Oh God, they're getting to you too!" Marlene exclaimed "Wake up, Remus, this is not you" she cried fakely, holding Remus' hand and he laughed.

"Also, it seems like he fancies you a little," Remus looked at Lily pointedly, remembering James' rambling about 'not caring' whether or not Remus and her were dating.

"Then good luck to him, because I don't care." Lily crossed her arms "He's what you call...a ladies' man, Remus. Maybe you can't see it, because you're a guy, but he probably acts the same with every girl he wants to snog, and I'm sure as hell that I won't be one of the girls in his long list, ever" she assured, chin raised and a confident look in her face.

"That sounds more like, Sirius, Lils" Marlene observed.

"Well, they are two sides of the same coin," Lily said, mashing the oats with her spoon. Remus didn't want to refute the girl, even if he could see that James clearly had a thing for the redhead, he preferred not to get involved in whatever those two had. He already had too much on his mind to act like Cupid for his friends.

After breakfast, he went to History class and when he entered the classroom he saw Mary already there, sitting alone at a recluse table at the end of the room. He walked over to her and sat on the empty chair beside her.

"Remus" she mumbled, surprised. Remus could see that the girl had been crying even under her makeup. Her eyes looked puffy and red, and she was sobbing slightly.

"'Orright, Mary?" he asked with a warm smile, her face was full of guilt and worry.

"I-Remus I'm sorry" she muttered with a broken voice "I shouldn't have said what I said, I ruined everything"

"s'okay, Mary, don't worry now" he assured her, and she raised her eyebrows weakly.

"Are you sure?" she questioned, carefully "I understand if you hate me now and if you don't want to sit with me and..." Remus put his hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"Mary, is okay " he repeated, slower this time "I don't hate you, I couldn't" her face softened and he sighed in relief.

Remus had been with some bad people before, people who were truly evil and just cared for themselves. He knew that Mary wasn't one of them, he knew that it had been just a mistake. She had said something she shouldn't at the moment. He was familiar with that feeling, he knew it too well.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" she kept repeating, playing with one of the many bracelets she had "I'll never do that again" she shook her head.

"I know. You should talk with Lily and Marlene, they were worried about you, they couldn't find you this morning" he suggested.

"Yeah, I will. I was with Daryl," she said, bowing her head "I didn't think they wanted to talk to me, Lily seemed pretty mad last night" 

"She cares, thats'all" Remus shrugged and got out his History notebook "now, don't cry, or you'll ruin your makeup" he teased and Mary chuckled.

In the next hour, Remus saw how Mary pulled aside Lily and Marlene to talk before the class started, finishing the conversation with the three girls hugging which told him that things were back to normal. He wished that everything in life could be as easy as that, just fix problems with a 'sorry' and a hug and everything would be like nothing had happened. But it was just a fantasy they all had grown to believe, the real world was merciless and your actions had long-lasting consequences. If not, he could've just hugged the bookseller and said 'sorry for stealing your book, I didn't have money and it looked like a good read', maybe added some tears here and there, and the old man perhaps could've forgiven him and Remus wouldn't be close to getting into prison for the rest of his youth.

The classes went dreadfully slowly for Remus. He couldn't keep his mind off the locket, he felt like his mind wandered off for hours, making several hypotheses and guesses for the necklace, but every time he checked the wall clock in the classrooms he saw that it had been just a couple of minutes, and he had a long time before him. So when he finally got to the final class, French, he was more than happy to see the classes ending.

"Hello, Remus" James came, saying his name with his Hispanic accent "Did you do your assignment?" he asked, putting his things on his usual spot beside him.

"Uh, yeah, but I don't it's right" Remus shrugged, looking at his messy French notebook. James glided it from Remus' side to his and started reading the things that Remus had written. He then grabbed his pencil and started correcting his homework.

"You're on the right track" James smiled fixing his glasses over his nose "But here you made some mistakes" he pointed to where he had corrected "also you misspelled 'today', it has three u, you missed the one after the a, and the one between the o and the r" Remus groaned and put a hand on his face.

"I can't believe this fucking class" he mumbled "I used to see some French in my last school, but it was jus' some basic stuff" he explained and James hummed.

"Why don't you ask Sirius to help you? He helped me last year and well... I'm doing pretty good now" James grinned. Remus knew perfectly that James had good grades in French, it seemed like the boy couldn't physically get lower than a B, and it frustrated Remus a lot since he kept having Cs out of luck. 

But Remus would rather eat the dead rat in the Shrieking Shack than ask Sirius Black for help with anything.

"The last time that you told me to talk with Sirius it didn't end well" Remus recalled, going back to the Bonfire night, James sucked air through his teeth.

"You're right, but who better to teach French than someone that's from France? James raised his eyebrows and Remus shook his head.

"Thanks, James, but I don't think so" 

"Think about it" James advised then he raised his eyebrows remembering something "also, talking 'bout Sirius, we're having a surprise party for his birthday on Friday, at Lion of course," he said, his dimples showing by the grin on his face "you should come"

"I dunno, I'll have to think about that too," Remus didn't think Sirius would be too excited to see him at his party.

"Please do, and also tell Evans to come" James added then opened his eyes "and Marlene and Mary too, of course," Remus laughed.

"Yeah, I'll tell 'em"

November 3rd, 1995

Friday morning Remus was woken up by the noises of Sirius Black's birthday, he could already tell that the day wouldn't be a quiet one. James and Peter burst inside their room, carrying party blowers, gifts, and hats, and making as much noise as possible. Remus raised his head, waking up from his slumber, and saw the two boys surrounding Sirius. He sat up on his bed, smiling at his friends and brushing his eyes. Peter put a party hat on his head and James took the party blower out of his mouth before putting his hands behind his back.

"By the rules of the Messers, us Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail" James started with a grandiose voice like he was announcing something to a crowd of people "it is mandatory for each member of the group to receive the annual sacred hymn to inaugurate thy birthday" Sirius laughed and then James cleared his throat.

"Estas son las mañanitas que cantaba el rey David..." James sang in Spanish. Sirius was in the brink of tears from laughing.

Remus sat down and listened to the serenade James was giving Sirius. When he finished, Sirius was drying his tears and then James threw himself over the boy, pulling him into a tight embrace, Peter joined seconds later and both boys wished "happy birthday" to Sirius. It was a bittersweet image to Remus. He couldn't help but feel jealous of Sirius. It seemed like he had it all, money, fame, perfect face, perfect girlfriend, perfect friends who cared for him and did all of those things for his birthday. Remus had never had that. He was grateful for Lily, Mary, and Marlene, they were the longest friendship he'd ever had, but he felt like he could never be as close to somebody as James and Peter seemed with Sirius. He was too fucked inside for it.

"Here" Peter handed him a box wrapped in red and golden paper.

"That's from me and Peter" James said with a smile. Sirius opened the box a gasped with excitement. He took out four vinyls and put them on the bed.

"You tossers!" he exclaimed, happily. He jumped out of bed and put one of the new records on his player.

Hey hey mama said the way you move. Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.

Led Zeppelin, Remus recalled. Now he was for sure jealous. Sirius started bobbing his head and then he turned to James and Peter hugging them again.

"You guys are the best!" Sirius yelled and James handed him another box.

"My parents sent a box with treats from Día de Muertos and Diwali only for you" James grinned and Sirius' eyes glimmered at the sight of the carton box in his hands.

"Oh, I love your parents, Prongs" he commented and then gasped again "your mother made Barfi!"

"Yes! She knows how much you like it" James nodded sharing the same excitement as the other boy.

Remus got up from his bed, stretching a little, and walked toward the bathroom, stopping at Sirius' bed.

"Happy Birthday" he blurted out as fast as he could. It was awkward to be nice to Sirius, he didn't want the boy to think he liked him, but he wasn't a monster either.

"Cheers, Lupin" Sirius smirked, appearing too content to care about the fact that Remus was the one wishing him happy birthday. Maybe Remus was thinking too much about it. He entered the bathroom and let the three friends share their special moment alone.

At breakfast, James called the attention of everyone with a knife and a glass of water, then made the entire Dining Hall sing 'happy birthday' to Sirius. It was safe to say the older boy was enjoying every minute of it, looking smug and proud of having all the attention on him. Remus saw how Dalia ran from the entrance of the Dining Hall to their table, throwing herself into the arms of the boy and then kissing him passionately in front of the entire school.

"Ugh, do they think they're in a movie or something" Marlene commented making a disgusted face.

"They seem like a happy couple, that's all that matters at the end," Mary said with a smile and Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, whatever"

"Remus, are we going to study Maths tonight?" Lily asked him and Mary frowned.

"Are we not going to Sirius' party?" Mary questioned, alarmed.

"Uh" Lily glanced at Remus unsure "I didn't think Remus would want to, giving that is Sirius Black's birthday" she stressed.

"I don't care, you girls go if you want to" Remus shrugged, he hadn't given much thought to Sirius' party that night. He had been too engrossed with the mysterious necklace in the last couple of days to even think about it.

"You sure? We have a test next Tuesday" Lily warned and Remus nodded.

"We can study tomorrow or another day, besides I got a B on last week's test, at this rhythm, I'm going to compete with you for first place in Math class" he joked, raising his eyebrows, Lily chuckled.

"Fine, let's go to Sirius' party then" Lily yielded and Mary shrieked with excitement.

At English class James had asked Professor Indigo to sing Happy Birthday to Sirius, then he did it again at Lunch and by the time he asked everyone to sing it at dinner Remus was starting to get annoyed by the little tune. That night Lion Building was more crowded than Remus had ever seen. It reminded him of the Ravenclaw party Xeno and Flynn had invited him to.

Lily, Marlene, and Mary appeared in the Common Room about ten minutes later, looking very pretty. Remus walked to them with a smile.

"This is why I don't come to Lion, I mean, what's that?" Mary complained pointing at a dirty old sock that was lying on one of the sofas. Remus laughed and shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"Is Black here already?" Marlene asked, looking around.

"No, haven't seen him" Remus replied "James and Peter are probably distracting him," he said. Minutes later McLaggen got inside the Common Room running.

"They're coming, everybody hide!" he yelled turning off the lights and panic ensued around the place. People hid behind the couches, and lamps, inside the kitchen, behind the wall at the stairs... Remus, Lily, and Marlene just stood there in a corner trying not to block the way.

The door was opened again and the lights turned on, everybody jumped from their hiding spots yelling a 'surprise' to a confused-looking Sirius. He had a scowl on his face but then it switched to a small smile. People ran to hug him and wish him happy birthday again, but this time Remus could tell the boy didn't look as happy or pleased as he had been in the morning. His face had a tint of bitterness and sadness under all of his smiles and 'thank yous'. James and Peter looked like they knew something was happening because they were eyeing Sirius warily.

"Come on, put on some music!" somebody yelled and Roxanne from The Police started playing from a stereo.

"Let's get some drinks!" Mary said, and Remus guided them to the kitchen where a wide catalog of beverages and drinks was available.

Marlene had been right long ago, Gryffindor had some great parties. The music was perfect, mostly old rock and some pop here and there that Remus didn't mind that much; and the people seemed to be having a great time, all except Sirius Black, who kept having that weird look on him. Remus noticed the various attempts from Dalia to cheer him up, grabbing his arm and trying to kiss him, but Sirius dodged every one of her moves and kept walking back to talk with James and Peter with a new drink each time. The blond had a miserable face on her that made Remus mad at Sirius for treating her so terribly.

"Oh, I love that song!" Lily said when the stereo switched to Ballroom Blitz.

"Then let's dance, Lils!" Mary said, not giving the redhead time to protest, and pulled her by the hand to the 'dance floor' which was just one side of the Common Room they had cleared out.

"You wanna dance?" Marlene suggested to him and he shrugged, feeling a little looser after a couple of drinks. She took his hand and guided him beside the other people dancing. Marlene started moving around with the rhythm, shaking her fluffy blond hair around, like the rockstar she was. Remus followed her, more shyly and not wanting to grab much attention as the girls

"Come on, Remus!" Marlene encouraged, grabbing his hands with hers and moving him around. There were more people around them, he probably couldn't be seen among all of the bodies so he loosened up a little bit more and matched her energetic dance.

"Alright, everyone!" McLaggen yelled suddenly standing over the coffee table, at the center of the room, and holding a bottle of booze. Sirius was by his side with a smirk and his black collar shirt almost all the way open. "sweet fucking sixteen, Black, now drink, you wanker!" everyone in the room cheered and McLaggen tilted the bottle at Sirius' lips. Sirius started drinking right from the bottle, then snatched it from McLaggen's hands and finished all by himself. He raised the bottle over his head and cheered, the room followed him, screaming and hooting too. Remus rolled his eyes, thinking it was just a ridiculous show-off.

As the night went on everyone started acting less rationally -especially Sirius-. Drinks kept spilling on the floor, things broke here and there, and sentences didn't make sense anymore. Remus was certain of one thing, all of the poise and decency those rich kids had disappeared the moment they had a few cups in. He started to feel dizzy between the loud music and the booze, and he knew by then he had to drink some water. He went to the kitchen and when he entered he found James Potter trying to wash his face on the sink and a worried Lily Evans behind him, with her hands on her pale face and glossy green eyes. Remus frowned and the girl noticed his presence.

"Oh, God, Remus, I..." she started nervously. Remus walked to where they were and saw blood on James' shirt and still coming out from his nose under the faucet.

"What the hell happened?!" he exclaimed alarmed, widening his eyes to the girl.

"I-I-I didn't mean to...I just thought" Lily stuttered and James turned off the water, turning to Remus while holding his nose with one hand.

"twas jus a'acciden'" Jame said with a nasal voice, he smiled at Remus trying to calm down the situation but his white teeth were covered in blood.

"You need to take care of that" Remus commented glancing at Lily, who had all the color of her face gone.

"I 'ave a firsd aid kid in my room," he told him and started walking out of the kitchen.

"I'll go with you" Lily hurried behind James and the three came out of the kitchen. Remus watched how the girl helped James go up the stairs and laughed at the sight of his best friend helping the guy she said she hated the most.

He then saw Dalia following Sirius across the room. The boy didn't look happy, at all, and she was saying something to him. She tried to make him stop by putting a hand over his shoulder but he shoved it slightly and told something to her with a stern expression. She froze in place, with watering green eyes and he stomped to the kitchen, sending a glance at Remus before entering.

Remus saw Dalia crying where Sirius had left her and then she walked out Lion, angrily. Remus felt a sudden rage all over his body, how could he treat Dalia like that? She was one of the nicest girls in Hogwarts and she was supposed to be his lovely girlfriend, why did Sirius have to be so hateful at her?

Remus walked into the kitchen again, feeling his blood boiling. He saw Sirius standing over the sink, head down with his hands on the counter. Beside him, there was an open Jack Daniels bottle, with the top of the drink already gone.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Remus spat, surprising the other boy. He turned around and scowled at Remus, his eyes had a mixture of terror and anger in them, it was like nothing he had ever seen before in Sirius.

"What d'you want, Lupin?" Sirius growled.

"You're a fucking prick Black" he started walking toward him, poison filling his tongue. He knew he ought to stop, nothing good ever came out when he started, but he couldn't the alcohol in his system just pleaded to him to yell it louder.

"You treat everyone like shit, even your fockin' girlfriend" he pointed at him with his finger, Sirius had his jaw clenched

Sirius then grabbed the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the wall on the side. Remus opened his eyes and held his breath, waiting for a punch to hit his face or the moment to fight back. Sirius had his fist tight around Remus' tee and was fuming. He could feel his breath against his face, mint, and -of course- a lot of alcohol.

"You know nothing" Sirius blurted in a pained voice. Remus could see it now, his blue-grey eyes were rimmed with red as if he had been crying "you think you know about me, but you don't, Lupin" he spat and let his grip go.

He glanced at Remus with anger and then grabbed the opened bottle off the counter before exiting the kitchen. Remus was left there, breathing rapidly, heart bumping loudly against his chest, his blood burning under his skin, and the feeling of the punches he didn't make lingering on his fingertips. He had never believed Sirius of being one to throw a punch. He thought of the boy as someone who talked a lot but didn't dare to fight physically.

But now, Remus could see that he was more like him than he'd previously believed, and that was something dangerous to be.

November 4th, 1995

Sirius' party had been a success in everyone's eyes. People had partied until dawn and fell asleep at any spot in the Common Room, either too drunk or too tired to go up to their rooms. Even Frank had given up his Head boy duties and just went to sleep at 4 am. Remus didn't know at what time he had fallen asleep or how he had gotten to his room, but when he woke up the first thing he could think about was how bad his head hurt that morning. He checked his watch on his desk and saw the time: 8 AM. He was late for Track practice, he was supposed to meet the rest of the team that day. He stood up, feeling like a million of drills were inside his head, and walked to the bathroom. Sirius' bed was empty; thankfully, Remus didn't know if the boy had gotten up earlier and gone out -not likely- or if he hadn't even gotten into their room that night -most likely-.

By the looks of how he had been the last time Remus saw him, he was probably passed out in the Common Room or something. It was better that way for Remus, he hadn't forgotten their little 'encounter' in the kitchen.

He showered, the cold water sobered him up and made him feel a little more alive. He got his things for Track and went down. The Common Room was a disaster, empty cups covered the entire room, the floor was sticky making Remus' trainers squeak every time he stepped, boys lay everywhere still holding onto their bottles or having their limbs tangled with one another. But there was no sight of Sirius.

Remus dragged his feet down to the Track field and saw three people already stretching on the grass. He left his bag on the stands and walked over to where they were.

"You must be Remus Lupin," one of them said, a girl with almond eyes, brown hair, and braces.

"Uhm, yeah," he said looking around. There were two girls and another boy on the team.

"I'm Victoria Cheng," the first girl said in an authoritative tone.

"Hazel," the other girl, one with short choppy brown hair, said.

"Caradoc Dearborn" the other bot greeted with a sided smirk, he had dark thick hair that matched his brows, and dark, almost black, eyes.

"We thought you weren't going to make it" Victoria commented with a stern tone "since everyone in Gryffindor was on Black's birthday last night" she made a face.

"Yeah, I was too" he admitted.

"I can tell, you have that hungover look on your face" Caradoc joked and Remus laughed.

"Well, since this is your first time, I'm going to look past over it," Victoria said with her lips pursed "but know Remus that we take this very seriously, and now that Potter's gone we need to train double as harder. We can't let a little party or good time get in the way," she said putting her hands on her waist. Remus frowned slightly, feeling attacked.

"Do you smoke?" she questioned scrunching her nose.

"Uhm" he glanced to the others "yeah, sometimes" he muttered, half scared she was going to yell at him for it. The girl was scary.

"Well quit it, it'll mess up your lungs" she demanded and Remus nodded, even though he probably wasn't going to quit it. Even so, he started to crave a cigarette at that moment. How scandalous it would be if he just pull out a fag and started smoking in front of her. Remus thought it'll probably be funny, the girl would throw a fit and kick him out of the team for not taking things 'seriously'. He scratched the idea out of his mind, knowing that he had to follow her rules if he wanted to be in the team and, in that way, have an A in McGonagall's class.

"Don't mind her, she just likes to win" Caradoc said to him in a low voice "she can be a little intense but it'll get us to the first spot" Remus nodded and started stretching too.

The practice had been harder than expected. Remus thought that the conditioning James had put him through all of those Saturdays was hard, but back then he didn't know Victoria Cheng. Not only was the girl obsessed with winning, as Caradoc said, but also she was one the scariest and strictest persons he had ever met. Her routines were a total massacre for Remus' legs, and after it, Remus felt like he couldn't walk and would pass out at any moment.

He didn't know how the others seemed so active and energized after that practice, he could barely make it to his room. He was drenched in sweat and dirt, he just wanted a warm long shower and go back to his bed, but his plans were sabotaged by Sirius Black, as always. He was about to enter the bathroom but the door was locked and then he heard retching coming from inside.

"Black, are you there?" he yelled knocking on the door, then heard the sounds of someone emptying their whole stomach into the toilet.

That probably meant a yes.

Remus sighed deeply and leaned on the wall beside it, waiting for Sirius to come out. When he did Remus noticed the state of his face, he had dark circles around his bluish eyes, his face had not to color on, his eyes were watered and his hair was a mess in a bun on top of his head; still, the fucker looked good enough.

Fucking Sirius Black.

Remus didn't say anything, he just gave him a raised eyebrow as Sirius walked slowly to his bed, falling over it and bending in a fetal position under the blankets. Remus rolled his eyes and entered the bathroom to finally shower. When he got out of the bathroom he saw James entering the room with a water bottle and some pills.

"Mornin'" the boy said with a big smile. His nose was swollen and bruised, and he had a little bit of dried blood under his nostrils but he looked happy as if nothing had happened.

"Mornin'" Remus nodded and then frowned at the boy "you alright?" 

"Never better" James grinned widely and went over to Sirius' bed. Remus had a feeling that the same girl who broke his nose was the reason he was so cheerful that morning.

"Is he good?" Remus pointed at Sirius, who seemed to be dead on his bed.

"Oh" James turned to his best friend and patted him on the arm "he jus'...enjoyed his birthday a little too much" he chuckled and Remus raised his eyebrows. He didn't look like he was having too much fun the night before.

"Right," Remus said and got out. He met the girls for breakfast and then Lily and he went to their usual spot at the Library. They practiced Maths for an hour and then did some homework. Remus eyed the girl every minute or so, he was curious about what had happened with James the night before.

"Potter's nose seemed alright tis' morning" he commented, the girl stopped writing and turned to him with a worried look.

"Really?" she said, hopeful, Remus chuckled and nodded, "Oh, thank God" she sighed, putting a hand on her forehead.

"So, what happened?" he asked, putting down his pencil and leaning on the table with his arm crossed.

"Ugh, Remus, I'm such a fool" she whined "it was a stupid misunderstanding. See, I went to the kitchen to get another pop and there was Potter, with his stupid smile and jokes" she rolled her eyes "he grabbed the drink for me and then started teasing me for the Scare House thing, and he was standing closely, face to face, and then... oh God!" she cried, her face going bright red.

"What happened?" Remus questioned, impatiently.

"He got closer to me, and I-I thought that he was trying to kiss me...and I hit him with the can!" she closed her eyes and sighed "but really he was just trying to get his drink that was behind me" Remus opened his eyes and couldn't help but laugh. Lily looked up at him and frowned.

"Is not funny, Remus!" she protested "It was so embarrassing" she shook her head, staring right at her homework on the table.

"It's a little funny, Lils" he cackled and a small smirk appeared on her lips.

"Well, he did kind of deserve it for being such a pest" she reasoned with a chuckle "but I hate that he took it so well" Lily groaned "I felt like an arse, and he continued to be nice to me" she rolled her eyes "I can't stand him, he can't even let me hate him properly!" she complained and Remus laughed.

"So you're admitting James' nice then" Remus pointed out with an arched eyebrow.

"Quit it, one night doesn't make it for all of those years of dumb comments and jokes" she turned around to her writing and Remus chuckled going back to his homework.

When Remus got back from hanging with the girls that night he noticed that the Common Room was back to normal; it seemed like they had done their part to clean the place, surprisingly. Some boys were gathered around the TV watching Poltergeist. Remus loved horror movies so he sat down on an empty pouf and watched it with them.

"Imagine if something like that happens to you" one boy from Year 10 commented.

"Well, I've had a ghost encounter right here at Hogwarts" McLaggen replied from his seat, raising his eyebrow.

"You're so full of shit, McLaggen" Patil yelled.

"It's real, I heard the ghost of Liv Noir one night when I was walking back from practice alone!" McLaggen protested and the other boys groaned, not believing the boy.

"That's a fuckin' bedtime story, McLaggen, grow up," Frank told him, and Remus glanced at the stairs, thinking about the locket. It seemed like everyone agreed that it was just a legend, nothing real. But how did that locket exist? Remus couldn't help but feel that something weird was in that chapel.

He stayed with that thought all night. He couldn't sleep thinking about it, his curious mind drifted to lots of possibilities and theories, some crazier than others; probably he ought to stop reading so much fiction. He had the locket in his hand, and brushing his thumb over it, he opened it again as if something would randomly appear inside. Maybe whatever it had been holding inside was still in the chapel, it could've fallen off when Remus got it. He needed to check, he had to go back. 

He looked over to Sirius' bed, the boy seemed to be sleeping soundly. When he had gone up to his room that night, Remus had found the other boy lying in bed, listening to his records in silence. He looked more alive than he had been in the morning, but he still had that tired and gloomy expression on his face. Remus didn't think he'd wake up, since every morning he let his alarm clock ring for at least 10 minutes before he got up and turned it off.

He put the necklace back in his hiding place and got out of his bed, careful to not make a sound. He put on his boots and his green jacket over his pajama shirt and grabbed one of Sirius' flashlights that lay around the room. He got out, trying to make as little noise as possible, it was around midnight so Frank shouldn't be around the hallways, but still, he had to be cautious.

He exited Lion and started walking up the street. He was passing Ravenclaw when he heard some steps behind him. He turned around alarmed, thinking it was Filch or another teacher, but there was nobody behind him. He continued walking and he started to feel as if he was being watched. He told himself that it was all inside his mind probably thinking about what Sirius had told him about Livia Noir and McLaggen's story. He continued to the limit of the forest after Slytherin Hall. He was about to hop the fence when he heard rapid footsteps and turned around alarmed. When he pointed his light behind him he saw Sirius Black walking quickly toward him with another flashlight.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked angrily in a low voice.

"What are you doing?" Sirius stressed getting in front of him.

"That's not of your concern, go back" Remus groaned, Sirius looked over his shoulder, over to the forest.

"You're going to the chapel, aren't you?" he guessed with his eyebrows raised, Remus huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, now go back" he demanded and Sirius shook his head, walking toward the fence.

"I'm going with you," he said and Remus groaned again.

"I can take care of myself" he spat.

"Oh, yeah, I know" Sirius nodded, hopping the fence "but if you fall down from all that old wood and die then it'll be my fault since I was the one who told you all about it" he raised his brows "and James would probably scold me about it 'til the day I die" Remus rolled his eyes and resigned to his fate.

"You're insufferable, you know?" Remus said hopping the fence.

"I've been called worse" Sirius shrugged, unimpressed, and started walking, pointing his light at the front.

They walked in silence to the Shrieking Shack. The woods were as dark as they had been on Halloween night, filled with mud and wet plants, and the sky had the same grey thick clouds that had covered it the last few days; thunder and lighting were threatening to let go of a big storm that night, but Remus had only one thing in his head.

They arrived at the Shrieking Shack after some minutes and Remus pointed around with the light, trying to make his way up the balcony.

"So why do you want to go back?" Sirius said, following him and pointing his torch to other places curiously "starting to believe in ghosts, Lupin?"

"No," Remus told him, not caring for his joke "just thought I saw something on Halloween, wanted to check it out" he entered the room beside the organ, Sirius coming closely behind him.

Remus went over to the hole in the wall he had opened and pointed inside with his light, he couldn't see well, the hole wasn't big enough to see what was inside. He tried to open it more, pulling apart other pieces of wood.

"What are you doing?!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing his flashlight to Remus.

"Shut up," he said. He got his hand inside the opening and tapped searching for something, anything really. But the hole behind the wall was empty, it had a collection of dust, dirt, and small bugs, but nothing that could give Remus a clue as to where the locket had come from. Remus stood up and groaned. He turned around and walked to the center of the room, pointing the light around, but it was also empty, nothing unfamiliar on the floor either. A big thunder cracked in the sky, making both of them jump slightly.

"You chose a perfect time to come back here" Sirius commented with sarcasm.

"I didn't ask you to come with me" Remus grunted, annoyed at not finding anything. He came out of the room quickly and pointed around on the balcony. Nothing. 

"Yeah right, I didn't forget 'I can take care of myself' and all that" Sirius mentioned, annoyed, as they walked down the stairs, "' think that you're better than everyone" he heard Sirius say under his breath, Remus turned around angrily with a scowl.

"What? That's you, Black" Remus spat "fucking heir of France or whatever" he started walking to the center of the church, trying to look around but his heart started to beat a little bit louder inside his chest.

"You're acting like I had a choice to be born into my family" Sirius protested, following him with loud steps.

"No, but you still see yourself higher than others because of it," Remus remarked, filling his eyebrows pulling closer and closer together.

"That's not true! At all!" Sirius exclaimed "You know nothing about me, you judge me for no reason" Remus stopped on his feet and turned around upset.

"Well, what I see on the surface is enough" Remus gushed out, feeling like the words were coming out of his mouth on their own  "I don't want to know anything else if it's all the same," he noticed a change on Sirius' expression, he stepped back and his face now looked as if he had been hurt.

"What if I thought the same? Uh?" Sirius questioned, "What I see is just a dodgy git who seems to be here only to get on my nerves" he scoffed "but then everyone seems to like you...James, Peter, McGonagall, fucking Seige Peterson...and I tried to like you too, Lupin, but you make it impossible" he raised his arms in exasperation and walked to the altar. Remus frowned, he didn't understand where all of that was coming from. He was reproaching him for not treating him like he thought he should and for also being friends with his friends. It made no sense at all. Sirius Black was a conceited prick, Remus thought.

"That's just funny" Remus laughed bitterly "let me remind you you already judged me without knowing me" he walked toward him, at the front of the church "the first day I got here you threw a fit because you weren't with Potter in the rooms" Remus clenched his jaw, remembering that first day "you called me a nobody" Sirius pressed his lips together and his stare softened as if now understood something he didn't before.

"Well...I'm sorry I did that, I shouldn't have" Sirius glanced to the side. Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing "but you are not a victim either" he frowned again "you seek fights like it's a competition" and there it was, of course, Sirius saying sorry it was too good to be totally true.

"I wasn't the one who made the first move at the Bonfire, or the one who pushed the other against the kitchen wall" Remus pointed out, recalling the events of the night before. Small raindrops started falling from the sky, getting into Remus' face.

"You were accusing me of something with Dalia!" he opened his arms walking around, really close to that big dark opening beside the altar "That's not your place, you don't know what's going on"

"I know that she was just trying to make you feel better, and you treated her badly with that awful mood of yours," he mentioned, stepping closer.

"That's personal! I don't have to explain myself before you" Sirius replied, scornfully "and if you must know I already talked with her, I apologized" Remus paused for a second.

"Well good thing. You're still a tosser" he stated and Sirius groaned loudly, throwing his arms in the air.

"Hell, you're so exasperating! I-" something cracked under Sirius and the floor he was standing on opened. Remus acted immediately and pulled the boy back from his shirt with all his strength. Sirius fell on his knees right beside the big hole on the ground. He breathed rapidly and his eyes were all the way open filled with terror.

"I thought that I was going to die..." he panted, staring at the dark abysm just some inches beside him. Remus looked at him, his heart beating fast. He also thought Sirius was going to die for a millisecond.

"Uh, I dropped my torch" Sirius mumbled and Remus went a little bit nearer to the edge of the opening and flashed his light at it. It was a deep dark hole underneath the church, Remus couldn't see the bottom only the rain falling as long as his torch could light. Sirius's flashlight was nowhere to be seen, it probably had broken in the fall anyways.

"Well, who helped who from falling off old wood?" Remus commented with irony and turned to Sirius.

"Ugh, sod off" Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed, standing up. Remus didn't know why -perhaps the adrenaline of almost seeing someone die like that- but he laughed too "thanks" Sirius mumbled, with an honest tone that Remus had never seen from him. It was strange, seconds before they were going at each other, and now that hostility had been thrown along with Sirius' torch to that strange hollow.

"'Course" Remus muttered, not knowing how to act now.

"We should come back" Sirius suggested, looking up. The rain was getting stronger by the second.

"Yeah" Remus nodded and both got out of the chapel.

The walk back had been disrupted by the water pouring from the sky. Remus could barely see where he was stepping, the forest was darker and harder to pass by than before. Mud stuck on their shoes and the flashlight was starting to die, dimming its light down and flickering at some points. Remus hoped that at least it would last until they got to the fence. Luckily his pleads were heard, the torch went out right when they could see Godric's Campus street lights. They hopped the fence and hurried to Lion, running under the storm. They got on the steps and took cover under the small roof over the entrance.

"Take your shoes off, if we get mud on the floor, Frank's gonna kill us" Sirius suggested, and Remus listened to him. He took off his muddy boots and they entered the building quickly. They went up the stairs, trying to drip as little water as possible from their drenched clothes. 

When they finally got into their room they threw their shoes in the shower. Sirius cleaned the mud off his shoes in the bathroom and Remus stayed out. He looked for the locket and sat on the floor, in front of his bed. They were dripping water all over their room, but Remus didn't care, his mind was too focused on the mystery around the necklace to care about rainwater on the floor. Sirius came out from the bathroom moments later and looked at Remus with a frown.

"What's that?" he pointed at his hands. Remus sighed deeply and handed the necklace to the other boy, his mind was too tired to keep fighting with him.

"I found it in the chapel, on Halloween" he explained, Sirius sat with his legs crossed in front of him, squinting at the locket "look what it says on the other side" Sirius turned it around and raised his eyebrows when he read the name.

"Liv? As in Livia Noir?" he questioned, surprised.

"That's what I thought, but I dunno" Remus shrugged, "I thought that your story was fake" Sirius snorted.

"I told you it wasn't" Sirius gazed at him pointedly, his eyes looked more blue than grey under his wet dark eyelashes and his hair was starting to dry around his face, messy but still Sirius Black-perfect.

"I don't believe in ghosts," Remus said and Sirius looked down at the locket again.

"You don't have to" Sirius shook his head softly "lots of people have told the story of Livia Noir for all these years, I believe that it must hold some truth, even if it's not the ghost story I was telling" he opened the locket and saw the inside.

"There's nothing inside. That's why I wanted to go back... to see if I dropped it" Remus explained, "It's weird that after all these years it's still there, don't you think?" he asked. Maybe Remus was putting too much thought into a simple necklace, maybe it wasn't a big deal but, for some reason, for Remus it was.

"Sorta, yeah" Sirius agreed and handed back the necklace to Remus "I don't know the real story, I just said what was told to me" he paused for a moment and then opened his eyes in realization "why don't we ask Professor Binns? He practically knows all of Hogwarts' history and he's like a thousand years old, he must have been working here then" he suggested.

"I dunno, if this just a joke or nothing related I'll look stupid" Remus reasoned and Sirius rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"I'll go with you. He'll probably just think I dragged you into this" he commented and Remus glanced down at the locket again.

"Fine" 

If somebody had told him at the beginning of the day he'd end up agreeing with something Sirius Black suggested, he probably would've laughed, but the other boy seemed interested in the locket as well and at the end of the day, he had been the one to tell the story of Livia Noir in the first place.

Chapter Text

"To hell with them. Nothing hurts if you don't let it
-Ernest Hemingway

November 6th, 1995

Remus couldn't wait for Monday to arrive, perhaps it was the first time in his life he wished the weekend would end quickly. He wanted to ask Binns what he knew as soon as possible; he'd even been tempted to look for him on Sunday, but he didn't think the teacher would take it well to be interrupted on his free day. He spent that entire Monday morning wishing History class would come quicker, his hand stuck inside the pocket of his jacket where the necklace was. He tried to forget about it and concentrate on what the teachers said, but it was impossible. Every minute he felt as if the locket was burning inside his pocket, calling his name. So when it was finally History class, he was one of the first students to enter the room. He sat in his usual spot and carefully watched Professor Binns, sitting on his desk writing something. He wondered if he would have time to ask him before class, he was impatient. Somebody sat beside him, taking him out of his thoughts. He turned around expecting it to be Mary but, it was Sirius Black instead.

"We're gonna do it after class" he informed, putting his things on Mary's seat. Remus decided to not comment on how unusual that was; he had more important things to think about anyways.

"Uhm, what's this?" Mary arrived seconds later and stood beside Sirius with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Mary, dear" Sirius started with that usual grin of his "I need to talk about something important with Lupin, could you sit with Dalia just for today?" he requested and Mary glanced to the back, where Dalia and Sirius usually sat.

"Remus?" she arched an eyebrow.

"Please, Mary?" he asked. He didn't think he'd ever be asking Mary to switch seats with Sirius, but Remus was starting to find out that everything that had to do with Sirius Black was unexpected.

"Fine" she sighed in resignation and walked to the back.

"You haven't told them about the locket?" Sirius questioned when the bell rang.

"No, I want to make sure it's real before telling 'em, don't wanna look like a fool" Remus admitted, opening his textbook, and Sirius chuckled.

"And why did you tell me?" he frowned slightly.

"Well, I don't really care if you think I'm a fool," he said in a low voice. Professor Binns stood up from his desk and told them to look for page 454.

"Do you think I'm a fool, Lupin?" Sirius whispered while Binns was trying to explain a new topic.

"D'you care?" he questioned back, turning to the boy.

"Not really, 'was just wondering" Sirius shrugged.

"Black, Lupin" Binns warned, sending a stern look their way. They shuffled into their seats and Sirius opened his book.

"What if I think that you're a fool?" Remus whispered, keeping his eyes on the text.

"Could a fool be top of this class?" Sirius wondered playfully and Remus turned at him with a frown.

"You're not top of this class" he stated "I've never even seen you studying" In those weeks they had shared rooms he had never even seen Sirius touch a notebook, let alone read something from class.

"I don't need to," he said with an arrogant tone that made Remus roll his eyes "that's why Binns hate me so much, I do nothing but still have straight A's. In almost all of my classes really"

Remus couldn't believe it, how could a person like Sirius Black -who woke up a 2 pm on weekends and seemed to spend all of his time hanging out with his friends and girlfriend- be top of the class? That was unlikely.

"Binns hates you so much because you're an annoying tosser" Remus pointed out and Sirius snorted.

"Yeah, that too" Sirius shrugged and leaned back on the chair, stretching his arms to the side. The rest of the class Sirius spent it playing with his pencil and doodling on his notebook as Remus wrote down notes of what Binns was saying. Remus didn't know if he was trying to do that on purpose to prove a point or if he really was just that unbothered. The bell rang announcing that the class was over and it was time for lunch. While the other students exited the room, he and Sirius stayed. When the last person came out the door they got to Binns' desk.

"What do you want boys?" the Professor asked in a dead tone without removing his sight from the work he was doing.

"We wanted to ask you something, Professor" Sirius began and Binns sighed deeply.

"If it's a stupid question, Mr. Black, I would recommend you just drop it," he said annoyed.

"It's about Hogwarts' history, Professor" Remus intervened and the teacher finally looked up, now a little bit more interested.

"Tell me then, Mr. Lupin" he prompted and Remus eyed Sirius quickly, he gave him an encouraging look.

"Uh, it's about the story of Livia Noir" he started, unsure of how to proceed "we'd like to know if you knew about it and how it happened" Binns put his pen down and stared at Remus gravely.

"Mr. Lupin, I said that I didn't want stupid questions" he grunted "I don't know what Mr. Black here has told you, but you should know better than to get carried away by someone like him" he scolded and Remus saw how Sirius rolled his eyes.

"It's, that...uhm...we found this" Remus took out the necklace and gave it to Binns hesitantly. The teacher fixed his squared glasses and grabbed the locket close to his face.

"Where did you find this?" he asked with his eyebrows raised. Remus shared a look with Sirius and then he turned around.

"My cousin Narcissa found it in the old chapel," Sirius said quickly, Remus glanced at him but didn't question his lie.

"Did she?" Binns questioned, doubtfully.

"Uh, yeah, sir" Remus agreed, even if he didn't even know who Narcissa was.

"Well, I think you guys have been tricked" Binns made an uninterested face and gave the locket back to Remus "what I heard of that legend is that it supposedly happened about 40 years ago, that necklace looks too good to have been there for that long" he pointed out. Remus stared at the chain and perhaps Binns was correct. The necklace looked like it was made out of silver and had some parts going black and some dirt over it, but not that much to say it had been 4 decades in that destroyed chapel. It kind of disappointed Remus.

"So you never saw it happening, Professor?" Remus questioned, putting the necklace back into his pocket.

"How old did you boys think I am?" he wondered in a somewhat offended tone. Remus and Sirius looked at each other again "I've been working in Hogwarts for only twenty years" the teacher said with his lips pressed. Remus looked at the balding head of the man and almost let out a laugh. He looked a lot older than he was.

"Then it's fake" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Mr. Black" Professor Binns huffed "you both should put that enthusiasm toward Hogwarts' real history and not ghost stories, as every other kid in this godforsaken school" he proclaimed, grabbing his pen again; it seemed to Remus that it wasn't the first time Binn had been asked about it.

Remus felt like all his excitement had droned out with the man's words. It indeed was a joke, after all, a prank probably from students years before them.

"It's that all or do you want to ask me if there was a cult at the school too?" Binns wondered, removing his glasses.

"Yes, that's all," they said and went out of the classroom.

"Imbécile" Sirius muttered, insulting the teacher when they were walking to the Dining Hall. Remus took out the necklace and stared at it.

"It wasn't real after all" Remus said, with no emotion.

"My cousin, Andy, was the one who told me the story and she swore to me that it was real, and I've heard dozens of people say it is" Sirius shook his head "and I've seen things about those kids that disappeared mysteriously, it has to be real somehow" he exclaimed with exasperation, but Remus was already feeling discouraged.

"Well, at least Livia seems not to be real" Remus pressed his lips together and put back the necklace inside his pocket "why don't we ask your cousin where she heard the story?" Sirius snorted and shook his head.

"She graduated a couple of years ago and I sorta don't have her contact anymore" he raised his eyebrows, with a tint of sadness, Remus didn't want to push the subject further, so he accepted the disappointing truth: The necklace was fake, it had never belonged to Livia. They arrived at the Dining Hall and saw James and Peter grabbing their lunch. They went over to where they were and James frowned when he saw them.

"Were you guys together?" James asked, surprised. His nose looked a little better than the day before, it had some purple bruise surrounding it but the swelling had come down.

"We were talking with that tosser, Binns" Sirius rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"About what?" Peter questioned, curiously.

"Er, well..." Sirius glanced at Remus unsure.

"I'll show you in a second," he said, grabbing a lunch tray and walking with the other boys to their table. It felt weird not to go directly with the girls and Remus noticed from where he was standing that Lily, Mary, and Marlene were staring at him with frowns and confused looks. He sat down beside Peter, making a note to explain to the girls later.

"Tell us" James pushed, impatiently.

"Well, the night we went to the Shrieking Shack I found sumthin' weird in a room" Remus took out the necklace and put it on the table. James took it and observed it closely " 'was behind a wall and it says Liv..."

"As in Livia Noir" Sirius interjected, James opened his eyes and passed the locket to Peter.

"The Livia Noir?" James repeated, unsure.

"Yes...at least that's what we thought" Remus glanced at Sirius "but we asked Binns 'bout it and apparently the legend's not real" Remus shrugged, "he said that's likely a prank, that it looked too new to 'ave been 40 years there"

"Well, he has a point" Peter commented "it hasn't tarnished a lot. My parents collect old coins and they usually look a lot worse than this" Peter gave back the necklace. Remus looked at the boy, surprised by his random knowledge.

"It's kind of a bad prank, innit?" James questioned, eating his sandwich "you'll have to expect people to go to that church so it works, that could mean years of waiting, nobody goes there" he reasoned and Sirius scoffed.

"Unless you're like us" he mentioned looking at Remus.

"Our pranks are better, especially our last one" James pointed out "and that was mostly because of you, Remus" he gazed at him and Remus smiled shyly.

"Yeah, well, they still succeed, 'cause we ended up believing it for a second" Remus raised his eyebrows putting the fake necklace in his pocket.

"We should do a prank soon" James suggested and Sirius nodded excitedly. They started talking about some ideas they already had, ones more elaborate and crazier than others. Remus started eating his lunch while he listened to them, finding himself weirdly entertained by the conversation. Suddenly they went silent, the three of them eating their lunch now. Then James groaned out of nowhere.

"I still can't believe we lost against Newcastle this weekend!" he complained with a pained face, Remus frowned and glanced at the other two boys, confused.

"I mean, they are at the top of the league right now" Peter reasoned, shrugging.

Oh, they were talking about Football. Of course.

Now Remus wanted to go back to the girls' table, at least they didn't talk about sports.

"When my dad was playing we were always on top of the league" James huffed and then glanced at Remus with wide eyes "Oh, Remus! I forgot to ask you, what's your team?"

"Uhm" Remus glanced around, trying to ask for help, some enlightenment even. He knew a couple of Football Clubs' names and players, but he had no idea which ones were really good or which ones were 'worth' supporting.

"Mine's Liverpool, of course," James rolled his eyes "as well, as Sirius'" Sirius smirked.

"Mine's Arsenal" Peter smiled shyly.

"Yeah, you traitor!" Sirius mentioned in a childish tone and pointed at Peter accusingly.

"At least it's not Manchester United!" Peter defended, opening his arms.

"Don't even get me started on that," James shook his head "bloody Manchester and that tosser, Beckham" he rolled his eyes, and Remus chuckled a bit, it seemed like the boy took Football too seriously.

"He's kind of a favorite right now, people have started to like him a lot" Peter commented.

"I heard that he said that one of his inspirations was your dad, mate" Sirius nudged him with his elbow, raising his eyebrows at the same time.

"Beckham wishes he was my dad!" James stated, a little too loud making the people at the tables nearby turn.

"So, what's your team then, Lupin?" Sirius inquired throwing a little piece of bread his way. Remus shook the crumb off his jacket looking at Sirius annoyed.

"Well..." he avoided the other boys' eyes "eh, I don't watch any Football really," he muttered and heard James let out a gasp.

"Wait, you don't know how to play and also don't watch Football?" James asked, sincerely, and Remus shook his head with his lips pressed together. James paused for a second thinking about something and then smiled at Remus "well, at least you aren't a United fan" he shrugged and Remus chuckled. He had thought for a moment the boy would make a scene right there in the Dining Hall, but they were talking about James Potter, not Sirius Black. The bell rang and they stood up from the table. Remus looked at the girl's table in hopes that he could talk with them before going to class, but they went away quickly out of the Dining Hall.

"Come on, Remus, we have French," James said and Remus went out of the place with the other three boys.

At dinner time, he went directly to the girl's table. They looked at him with questioning faces but when he explained everything about the locket and what Binns had told him, they were more curious about his story than him eating with the other boys.

"Oh, it's such a sickening prank!" Lily commented, grabbing the necklace "joking about a suicide, even if it's not real" she shook her head, disgusted.

"Probably boys, you know how their pranks can be" Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, just like Potter, Black, and Pettigrew" Lily commented, glancing at Remus. He pressed his lips together in an innocent smile.

"By the way, Lils, would you help me with the English essay tomorrow?" Marlene asked. Lily closed her eyes for a moment, like he had forgotten something, and then let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry Marls, but I told Sev that I would hang out with him this week after classes," she said and Remus noticed how the other two girls shared a look.

"You could tell him to skip tomorrow" Mary suggested with a soft smile.

"I've barely talked with him in the last few weeks, and you two know how he is" she explained with a worried expression.

"Yeah, we know" Mary raised her eyebrows and continued eating.

"Don't worry, I'll do it myself" Marlene pressed her lips together in a forced smile.

"I can help you, Marls" Remus offered and she looked at him hopefully.

"Would you?" Remus nodded "Oh, cheers" she smiled, sincerely now.

"Thank you" Lily whispered by his side, putting a hand over his arm. He smirked warmly at her and tapped her hand.

"Don't worry, Lils" He, as well as Mary and Marlene, couldn't comprehend why the girl liked that squirmish boy so much. But he didn't want to say anything.

November 8th, 1995

After classes that Wednesday, Remus walked from French class to the Music classroom on the first floor to look for Marlene. The day before they had spent hours at the Library, to the point Mrs. Pince had to throw them out herself. The blond still had some things she wanted to touch up so Remus agreed to help her again the next day. Students were flowing out of the classroom, but none of them were Marlene. Remus entered and saw the girl folding her music sheets from her chair. Nearby there was Sirius, still sitting in front of the piano. He was playing a tune that Remus recognized immediately, the vibrant notes and the familiar melody of Lady Stardust. Remus leaned beside the door and listened, kind of impressed by the boy's talent. Sirius played with such ease that one might think there was a stereo nearby playing the actual song. He moved his hands swiftly over the ivories, without missing one note. Remus was hypnotized by the music. He hated to admit it but Sirius was an avid piano player.

"Are we going?" Marlene woke him from his daydream.

"Uh, yes..." he shook his head softly, shaking the heaviness that had built up around his head "let's go" Remusglanced at Sirius, who hadn't removed his sight from the instrument, before going out with the girl.

"Can you play modern music in class?" Remus wondered as they walked through the halls, the melody from Lady Stardust still buzzing in his ears.

"Oh" Marlene raised her eyebrows and chuckled "not really, that's just Sirius being Sirius" she pointed behind her "Trembley doesn't like modern music, she's all for that classic stuff" she rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Uhm, he has a lot of practice, uh?" he put his hands on his jacket, he didn't want to praise Sirius, but his talent had surprised him.

"Yes, he's really talented, he knows to play almost anything" she shrugged, not giving it much importance.

"It must be hell having him in class with a loud instrument" he scoffed.

"Not really, he does his snarky comments and annoys Trembley from time to time, of course" she chuckled "but he takes it seriously, he's just as passionate about music as me. At least that's how I see it" she shrugged again.

"So you want to follow your parents' steps?" Remus wondered with a smile.

"That's my dream" she grinned widely "I want to be a rockstar, like my pops, maybe on the guitar, maybe in the drums..." she started saying and Remus couldn't help but get excited by the mention of Robert Mckinnon, the famous guitarist of The Tornados. "But my mum doesn't want that, she tells me that I should go for lead singer" she sighed, "I think that's just because she was the lead singer" Of course, Remus thought, the great Jane Galey, lead singer of the Pheonix' Feathers.

"I've never heard you sing" Remus pointed out.

"I don't think I have that good of a voice" she pursed her lips "and if you have someone like Sirius Black who has a vocal range that only the gods could've given to him..." she raised her voice with an annoyed tone "then it's sorta intimidating"

"I bet that you're a great singer, Marls" he complimented, opening the Library door for her, she turned her head at him and smiled sweetly.

"Cheers," they entered the Library and went to their usual table. They sat one in front of the other with their stuff spread over the table, including a chocolate bar that Marlene had brought as an incentive for them to work.

"So, Remus..." she started eating a small square of chocolate and brushing her hands together "tell me about your parents, I've never heard you talk about them," she said. Remus felt his shoulders tense.

"Uhm..." he stopped writing, the suggestion had taken him by surprise.

He usually didn't talk about his parents not because he didn't miss them, or because he wanted to forget about them; but because it was just really hard for him, and it hurt so much inside that Remus preferred not to bring up the topic.

"Well..." he didn't know what to say. 

Should he tell her the truth? That his parents died when he was five and he had been an orphan ever since? That he didn't know them that well, that he only remembered what he saw as a little kid and everything was kind of blurry in his mind? Or that sometimes he dreamt about them and as the years went by he started to forget what was real and what was a fake reality fabricated by his brain? He knew that McGonagall, and possibly Dumbledore, knew about it, but none of his friends and classmates did, and perhaps Remus liked it that way much better. At least like that, he could be more than just 'poor orphan Remus Lupin', he was tired of pitiful eyes and being viewed only as a tragedy. Maybe, there, in Hogwarts, he could just be Remus Lupin, another kid who had been lucky enough to have a scholarship but still had a simple happy life.

Yeah, he liked that.

"There's not much to say 'bout them" he shrugged "my mum's name's Hope and my dad's Lyall. My mum's a reporter and loves to read and my dad works for a bank" he recalled, that was as much as he remembered about his parents "they're jus'...normal" he bowed his head looking at his essay.

"Hope's a beautiful name" Marlene commented and Remus smiled softly.

"Yes, it is," he said, not wanting to look at her "she used to bring me chocolates when I was younger every time she came back from work" he added looking at the bar on the table, remembering a few times that last year they were alive when his mother would come home with a new chocolate treat for Remus, knowing he was obsessed with it.

"I'd like to meet them one day," she said before going back to her essay.

Yeah, you and me Marls.

He tried to concentrate again on his editing, but the scarce memories of his parents flashed around his head, making it an impossible task. So he resigned himself to eating all the chocolate that was left, trying to make himself feel better.

November 10th, 1995

It was the last period of the day, Remus, as well as most Year 11's and younger, finished classes earlier that day, having that last hour to do whatever they wanted. Remus used that free time to take all the books he had already finished and return them to the Library. Mrs. Pince, as always, gazed at him with a disapproving look since most of the books had return dates that had already passed a long ago. Remus smiled guiltily and turned around to search for new books to read. He was searching around the shelves, with two books already on hand, when he noticed Peter sitting alone at a table looking worried.

"Alright, Pete?" he said, walking to the boy. He looked up from his notebook and raised his eyebrows surprised.

"Oh, hey, Remus" he greeted with a shy smile "uhm, yeah, just studying for my Spanish test on Monday"

"You take Spanish?" he questioned, with a slight frown.

"Yeah, James usually helps me, but he's on Football practice" he explained "You can sit if you want, I don't mind the company" he suggested, in a hopeful way. Remus glanced back at the shelves and thought about continuing his search, but the other boy appeared to need the company, so he pulled back the chair in front of Peter and sat down.

"So, he helps you with Spanish, and Sirius helps him with French?" Remus recalled.

"Well, yes, I wouldn't have chosen it if my best friend didn't know Spanish, y'know?" he said, grinning. 

"James is your best friend, then?" Remus wondered with a raised eyebrow. 

"Yes, I've known him for a long time. We're neighbors in London and our parents are childhood friends too" he explained, happily. It seemed like the boy felt really close to James, Remus wondered if the other boy would say the same given that he seemed closer to Sirius than anyone else in the entire school.

"And Black?" he asked curiously.

"We met Sirius our first year here at Hogwarts" he started, bouncing his pen against his notebook "we knew who he was from the moment we saw him, of course. Then James was sorted in the same room as him and well..." he made a pause and looked at him "you know how James is, he wanted to be his friend"

"I just can't figure out how you two could get with someone like him" he snorted, shaking his head.

"He was kind of an arse when he came here in Year 7 but he got better with time" Peter explained and Remus raised his brows, if this was the 'better version' of Sirius Black Remus didn't want to know what was the 'worst' "Sirius is not a usual Black, y'know? He's nothing like his family, he hates them" Remus snorted.

"I hardly believe that" he knew some people could have difficult families, and have some disagreements, but he didn't think someone could be capable of actually hating the people that give you life. Remus had longed for so long for his family that he saw him as something sacred, some privilege that he didn't have.

"Oh, believe me, they are the worst people you could ever meet" Peter mentioned, wide-eyed as if he had remembered something scary.

"Right," he mumbled. He still couldn't grasp the concept of someone dreading their parents, but he didn't have a family so who was he to judge?

"I'm going to look for another book, d'you want me to wait for ya'?" Remus asked, getting up from the chair.

"If you want to, I'm almost finished" Peter announced, with a smile and Remus returned it nodding and walking toward the next shelf.

After checking out three new books -with Pince's usual rant about being responsible with the return dates- and Peter finishing his studying, they exited the Library, walking together through Godric's Campus. Peter was talking excitedly about some new video game that would come out soon when Remus heard a yell behind his back.

"Oi, Lupin!" he heard, Remus stopped and turned around and saw a group of boys coming right toward them: Avery, Mulciber, and the other two that Remus learned were called Crabbe and Goyle.

"Fuck" Remus groaned and turned around, continuing walking up the hill in front of Hufflepuff Hall.

"Hey, don't try to escape" he heard Avery say and suddenly Mulciber appeared in front of them, blocking the way in front of him and Peter.

"Sod off," Remus said between his teeth.

"Aw, where' you going so fast, Lupin?" Avery said, standing beside his gigantic friend.

"What do you want?" he spat, jaw tight.

"We just wanted to talk with you" Avery smiled with his crooked teeth, putting an arm over his shoulder. Remus brushed it off, stepping back.

"Yeah, you know, from friend to friend" Mulciber added with a malicious smile.

"We're not friends" Remus growled, looking at both boys up and down.

"You hanging out with lil' Pettigrew, here" Mulciber surrounded Peter with his arm and poked his chubby cheek with his finger. Peter made an uncomfortable face and closed his eyes, trying to pull away.

"Leave him alone" Remus pushed him away and put himself between Peter and the other boy.

"Oh, is he now you're boyfriend or sum'?" Avery teased, walking towards Peter. Remus stepped forward, facing Avery. 

"I said leave him alone" He looked down at the boy with gritted teeth and rage slowly bubbling inside.

"What's happening here?" James arrived at the scene with his practice bag on his shoulder and a hard scowl on his dirty and sweaty face. Beside him, Sirius was wearing the same expression as him.

"Are you wankers bothering Pete?" Sirius questioned glancing between Remus and Peter and the Slytherin boys.

"Oh, no, no" Avery stepped back with a scornful smirk "just making acquaintance" 

"I would worry more about trying to win the match next week, Avery" James commented.

"We'll win, don't worry about us, Potter" Mulciber scoffed.

"Yeah, keep saying that to yourself, you gigantic tosser" Sirius snorted and Mulciber scowled at him.

"You talk a lot of shit, Black, why don't you play yourself, uh?" Mulciber walked threateningly toward Sirius.

"Maybe I will, just so I can show you what a good midfielder is" Sirius stepped forward, putting his face closer to Mulciber in a threatening way. James grabbed his shoulder and pulled the other boy back.

"Just fuck off if you don't want me to fix those teeth with a punch, Avery" James spat at the Slytherin boys, dragging Sirius to the other side and grabbing Peter on the way too. Remus watched how the Slytherin boys slowly stepped aside, drawing from the quarrel, he thought everything was over and turned around to follow the three friends when Avery had to open his mouth again:

"Oh, and Lupin, Halloween was a few days back, you should put away that monster mask you have on" he cackled and the other boys laughed at this. Remus didn't think twice, he turned his whole body and charged against the Slytherin boy. Avery jumped back, scared, and he felt some arms holding him back.

"No, Remus, don't! He's just a prick," James said to his side. He saw how Avery's lips quirked up in a nasty smile and Remus huffed, trying to calm himself down.

"Yeah, Remus, you don't want another detention, do ya'?" Avery joked, imitating James' voice, and then the four Slytherins walked away. Remus felt the hold of the two boys beside him loosen up and he let his arms fall beside his body.  He felt his breath shaking and his heart beating strongly inside his chest. He hated those idiots, he didn't know someone could be as nasty as them.

"Come on, let's go to Lion" James tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, walking uphill with the other three boys.

Later that evening Remus was sitting silently on his bed, thinking about the interaction with Avery and his lot. The anger had passed a while ago and now he felt kind of ashamed. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but that nasty comment about his looks really affected him. He knew he didn't look right, he knew he looked different than everyone else, but he usually tried to act as if he didn't, it was easy to forget the scars were there for a seco, but then there were people, like Avery, who reminded him that he looked like a freak, as much as other people tried to tell him otherwise.

The other three boys were there too, Peter sitting beside Sirius on his bed on the other side, and James pacing around the room with a towel around his shoulders and a thinking face.

"We can't let those tossers get away with that!" James stated, with his hands on his hips.

"I wanted to punch that fucking smile out Mulciber so bad" Sirius muttered, shaking his head.

"Same, Pads, but you don't need another detention" James pointed out, stopping in front of his best friend.

"We should prank them" Peter suggested and James opened his eyes wide.

"Yes, Pete!" the boy exclaimed and Peter grinned proudly "We have to prank them so good they would never even dare to look our way again" Remus raised his head, interested in their idea.

"Would you like to join us, Remus?" James asked, turning at him. Sirius and Peter were staring at him too, expectantly. Remus glanced between the three boys and stood up.

"Alright...yeah...those tossers deserve the worst" he nodded.

"Great!" James smiled "now we have to figure out what prank to do" he brushed his hands together.

"I have an idea" Remus mentioned, walking toward them. Sirius frowned and Peter and James looked at him interested "Do any of you know if they kept the decorations from the Scare House?"

"I think they have it at the Drama department" Peter commented.

"Perfect" 

"What's on your mind, Lupin?" Sirius asked, curious.

"Well" Remus smirked "they did mention something about Halloween"

Chapter Text

"We're neither pure; nor wise; nor good; we do the best we know."
-Voltaire.

November 12th, 1995

Remus' plan was good, really good. He had spent Friday night and the entirety of Saturday beside the other three boys, planning and perfecting their prank, only breaking from them to go to Track practice. When Remus told them his idea they loved it, they each had contributed with other great additions making everything flow perfectly, like they had planned thousands of pranks together before. If the prank resulted right, Remus was sure that it would be the perfect 'revenge' against the Slytherin boys.

That Sunday evening they decided to go to the theater at school. Remus had never been there, he knew Mary and Marlene were together in Drama class, but he had never entered the place. It was huge and beautiful, it had gigantic chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, velvet seats, golden walls, and balconies, and a huge stage at the end; the castle's beauty didn't cease to surprise him.

They hopped on the stage and went to the back. It was a cluttered and hot area, with boxes and costume racks piled one beside the other. The walls had several pictures of the previous drama classes and there were lots of old doors that led to the dressing rooms. Right behind the stage, there was a long hallway that connected both sides of the exits, there they found a lot of boxes with Halloween decorations. There were so many boxes that the hallway was blocked in the middle, splitting the hallway into two.

"Pete and I will go to the other side, you both grab whatever we need from here" James instructed, before going back the way they came with Peter.

Sirius and he were left alone. They didn't say anything to each other just started to search around the boxes and bags; rummaging was the only thing that could be heard there. Remus grabbed a box that had a few things on it and emptied it into another one, he noticed another box with some mannequin parts and grabbed some of them, also putting them in his box. He turned around and was met with a clown face. He jumped, letting the box fall from his hands, and Sirius lowered his hand, laughing.

"Fuckin' tosser" he muttered, rolling his eyes and grabbing the box from the floor, putting back some things that had fallen off.

"You're really easy to scare, Lupin" he commented, still laughing and holding the mask beside his face.

"I'm not" Remus grumbled, snatching the clown mask from his hand and putting it inside the box he was holding "You're just opportunistic" he walked to the other side, checking another box.

"But he's so cute" Sirius whined and then barked a laugh, coming right beside Remus.

"Right, Pennywise is just the peak of beauty right beside Leather Face and Freddy fucking Krouger" Remus commented sarcastically while grabbing some tubes of fake blood.

"D'you like scary movies?" Sirius leaned on a box beside Remus, with a playful smirk on his lips.

"Yeah, why?" Remus shrugged, looking at the boy with his eyebrows raised. How couldn't he? That was the only thing the boys at Waterfront loved to watch on TV anyway.

"Nothing's just that...Peter doesn't like them, and James swears that he likes them but I can tell how he closes his eyes at every scary part even if he thinks I don't notice" he explained, raising his arms and Remus frowned a little.

"But he entered the Scare House with Lily" Remus stated, confused.

"Oh, yeah, he was shitting himself the entire time," Sirius said with a light chuckle, he turned around and opened the box beside him "but y'know, everything for a girl, right?"

"Right" Remus knew if Lily was to discover that she would find it hilarious, but he wouldn't tell her, for the sake of James' pride.

"Oh, look at this!" Sirius pulled out another mask from the box, this time it was of a hairy werewolf with big bloody teeth "Put it on" he came near with the mask in his hand. Remus couldn't fight against Sirius, since his hands were full from holding the box so the other boy put the mask over his head.

"Black, get this thing off me" he muttered, annoyed, it smelled horrible inside and it was terribly hot.

"You kinda have the soul of a werewolf, you know? Always growling and with bad humor" he joked and pulled the mask off his head. Some curls of mossy hair fell over his eyes and he shook his head, putting them aside "Maybe you were one in another life" he chuckled putting the werewolf mask in the box Remus was holding. He sent the other boy a death stare and turned around, checking another box.

"Hey, uhm..." Sirius began, in a low voice "Just so you know...I was only joking..." he scratched behind his left ear with his finger.

"I know" he frowned, looking at the other boy confused. He knew he hadn't tried to insult him, he knew pretty well when Sirius actually tried to do that.

"Just in case" he shrugged and continued to search around the box.

When they had gathered everything that seemed useful, they met Peter and James down the stage, who each was carrying a box with other stuff on it. They walked back to their dorms, throwing new ideas with the things they had found in the theater.

"Oh, and with this, we can make those locker rooms really scary," James said, excitedly pointing at a smoke machine he had found.

"Remus?" someone called him and Remus looked to his side. Lily, Marlene, and Mary had stopped beside them and were looking at them with curiosity and confusion.

"Oi! Evans" James grinned and Lily sent a not-so-pleased glance at him before returning to Remus.

"What are you doing?" she questioned, stepping closer to him.

"Er..."

"Group project" Sirius interfered before Remus could answer.

"There are no group projects" Marlene pointed out, crossing her arms.

"It's a project from the boys at Lion" James explained, with a cheeky smile "it's sort of private"

"What do you need Halloween decorations for?" Mary asked, eyeing the horrible Leather Face mask that was coming out from the box Sirius was holding.

"As James said, it's private'" Sirius winked at Mary.

"Right," Lily said unsure, looking at the four boys, stopping at Remus. Her green orbs were wide and full of suspicion "then... I guess we'll talk later, Remus" she pressed her lips together and kept walking with the other two girls.

"You won't say anything to Evans, right?" Sirius wondered and Remus shook his head slightly.

"Nah, she'd probably kick my arse if I told her I'm involved in one of your pranks" he looked at the three boys and they smiled agreeing with him.

November 14th, 1995

The day of the prank had finally arrived and Remus was both anxious and excited, he couldn't help but think about the plan over and over again in his head. He wanted everything to go as he expected it. The others seemed to be in the same state of enthusiasm as him, especially James who spent the whole breakfast bobbing his leg under the table. He had sat with the boys the last couple of days, in excuses of perfecting their prank, even at classes. In Science, he sat with Peter right behind James and Sirius, and at History Sirius had stolen Mary's sit again. The only exceptions were English -where he sat down beside Marlene with a guilty smile avoiding the girls' questions as much as he could- and Maths, where Lily tried again but he just played dumb and told her he didn't quite understand what they were doing even if he was the one that had the idea for the prank in the first place. And he couldn't deny it, he was also enjoying his time with the three boys. At first, he had thought they were just an annoying and obnoxious lot, but when he actually started sitting down with them he noticed he couldn't hold back his laughter the entire time with them, even some things Sirius had said sent him into a laughing fit, shamefully.

"I need this day to be over now!" James exclaimed, impatiently "between the prank and the game tomorrow, I'm not going to survive today's classes"

"Don't worry mate, each thing at its time" Sirius patted him on the back "or whatever you always say to me, I don't know" he shrugged.

"Yes, yes, I know, but I can't wait to destroy the Slytherins," he said.

"You'll go to the match, Remus?" Peter asked and all eyes on the table switched to him.

"Uhm..." he hadn't thought about it really, but he knew James would be playing and he felt like he owed him a great deal after all the help in French class "Of course" James smiled.

"Great!" the boy said "I'll make sure we win" he nodded "Do you know if Evans would be there too?" he wondered.

"I'll ask her" Remus chuckled.

"Cheers," James grinned widely, his dimples showing up beside his lips.

After breakfast, they walked together to Math class, where he saw Lily sitting at their usual table. He moved through the crowd of students entering the room and went to where the girl was. McGonagall entered a minute before the bell rang, as always, and closed the door.

"Hey, Lils" he whispered at her, while McGonagall explained an example from the book "Are you going to the match tomorrow?" she frowned faintly, still watching the Professor.

"I don't know, Marlene wants to go, but Mary and I weren't too convinced" she shrugged.

"I think I'm going" he announced and she turned to him.

"Oh my god! They have changed you" she gasped quietly, Remus chuckled.

"I thought that we could go and watch it together since neither of us knows anything 'bout Football" he suggested with a smirk and she smiled back.

"That actually sounds compelling" she mentioned "Fine, I'll tell Mary too" Remus nodded and went back to the functions on the board.

"Remus" Lily called him again "you know...if you want to sit with them now there's no problem," she said and Remus turned his head to her "not that you need my permission...no..." she shook her head "I just thought that...if you wanted to be with them you don't have to worry about us, we understand" Remus frowned for a split second but then his face softened.

"I really haven't thought about that" he admitted "I mean...they're not as bad as I thought, and I've had fun with them, but I also don't want to jus' stop hanging out with ya' " Lily chuckled.

"Well, you know, you don't have to just hang out with one group exclusively. Friendships work that way," she said "just do whatever it feels right. Marls always says that to me, to follow my instinct and let my heart decide instead of my head" She rolled her eyes with a smile "Maybe you could use that same advice"

Remus had never had that many friends to have a problem like that. Lily, Marlene, and Mary were great and were the people he knew and liked the most, but lately, he had grown fonder of James and Peter to the point of starting to view them as friends. It was also nice to finally have male friends who wouldn't punch him or make him drink until blackout.

"I'll see" Remus responded simply, but now with a new doubt in his head. At History, on the last two hours of the day, Sirius sat down beside him, receiving a reproaching look from Mary but the girl didn't say anything and just continued her way to the back of the class.

"James has a free hour right now, he'll put everything in the boxes for us to grab," he said, as he put his things down "Peter has a free hour next period, he'll hide the things behind the bushes near the locker rooms" he continued in a low voice as if it was a spy mission or something similar "then you and I will meet them there"

"Can Peter handle all those boxes by himself?" Remus questioned.

"He's resourceful" Sirius smirked "he can do it" he guaranteed, nodding. Remus hoped he was right, it could make the difference between their prank being successful or not.

"Good afternoon," Binns started after the bell rang "today I'm going to give you back your graded tests, but first I'm going to assign a new project, it'll be 50% of your History final," he said and everyone in the room groaned "Silence! You can thank your classmates Black and Lupin here, since they inspire me with their enthusiasm for Hogwarts' history" Sirius grinned guiltily and Remus bowed his head down, feeling the deathly stares of all their classmates on both of them "You'll do an investigation with your seat partner about the history of Hogwarts, it's founding and reforms" Remus turned to Sirius and he looked back at him.

So he was stuck with Sirius again. Great.

Binns continued to give instructions about the investigation giving more details and requirements each time he opened his mouth. By the look of it, Remus thought that they might as well write a whole book about Hogwarts' history with all the information he was asking for.

"He's such a prick" Sirius whispered beside him with a light laugh.

"If you don't work, Black, I'll kill you" he threatened and Sirius' lips quirked up on one side, looking at him playfully.

"Don't get all in a fuss, Lupin, 'course I'll work" he shrugged with that smirk of his.

Binns gave them their test back. Remus saw his and smiled proudly at the grade. An A, 45 points out of 50, he had done great. Minutes later Sirius was called and he went to their table with a calm smile. Remus peeked at his paper when the other boy sat down and saw a big 'A' with a perfect score, 50/50.

"What? 50 points?" he said, confused and Sirius grinned.

"Told ya' I was good" he raised his eyebrows and put his test beside Remus'. He couldn't believe it, Sirius had done better than him without even studying. He groaned and opened his book angrily. It wasn't fair.

Binns continued his lesson, talking dreadfully slow as usual. After a whole day of classes, being there was just plain torture. Remus loved History, he loved learning about the past and knowing everything that had come before him, but there was something in the way Professor Binns taught that made him want to pull his hair out of boredom. Sirius seemed to be in the same state as him, doodling aimlessly in his textbook. It appeared like the boy couldn't stay put in his seat for a second, he kept moving his legs and changing positions every minute which was starting to irritate Remus.

"Could you stay still, for a second?" Remus muttered. Sirius turned at him and sighed.

"I'm so bored" he threw his head back and kept silent for a second, before talking again "How old d'you think Binns is?" he murmured and Remus squinted his eyes at the teacher.

"Dunno, I thought that he'll be in his 60s" Remus shrugged remembering how offended Binns had looked when he realized they thought he was teaching back in the 50s.

"Imagine if he's 30 or something like that" Sirius nudged him, with a soft laugh "y'know, he's told me to cut my hair because it's too long. I think he's just jealous because he doesn't have any" he pointed with his chin at the Professor's bald head and Remus let out an unexpected laugh, he put a hand over his mouth immediately, and opened his eyes, terrified that it had been too loud. Sirius snorted when he saw how embarrassed Remus looked and started laughing too.

"Black and Lupin, do I have to take you out of my class?" Binns scolded, wearing a heavy frown. Remus shook his head and responded at the same time as Sirius:

"No, Professor" Binns eyed them warningly before continuing. Remus glanced at Sirius and rolled his chair to the side, moving away from the other boy.

"Shut up" he commanded, grabbing his pencil again.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm hilarious" Sirius raised his hands innocently, but his smile said the total opposite of that. Remus rolled his eyes and bowed his head again to his book.

After an hour the bell finally rang, announcing that the hell that was History class was over and their prank was now in action. Sirius and he walked quickly down to the Football field, reviewing at loud what they needed to do. Peter and James were already there standing behind a couple of trees and bushes.

"You have the walkie-talkies?" Sirius asked James and he took the devices out of his jacket.

"It was easy, you know how Spinnet has it bad for you" James threw one of the radios to Sirius and he snorted.

"Testing, 1,2,3..." Sirius talked through the walkie-talkie and his voice sounded in the other one "Roxanne! You don't have to put on the red light!" he sang loudly and Remus snatched the walkie-talkie out of his hand.

"Stop it"

"They work" Sirius cackled.

"The things are over here," Peter said pointing to the bushes, he looked a little sweaty and red in the face; Remus assumed it was probably for having to take 2 big boxes from Lion down to the Football field.

"You're the man, Wormy," James said, tapping his shoulder with a smile "We just have to wait 'til they are all out in the field, and then...we attack"

They waited for some time until the entire Slytherin team was playing on the field. They went into the locker rooms, on a rectangular building between the Football field and the gymnasium. The building was divided into four sections for each house, so they sneaked to the Slytherin side, careful not to be seen by anyone, especially someone from the Snake house. When they were inside they began their plan, they emptied every one of the emerald lockers and replaced the clothes and sports bags with scary masks, bloody limbs, and other Halloween decorations. They hid one of the walkie-talkies behind a basket full of towels, where they knew the others wouldn't see it. They put the smoke machine beside the showers and turned them all on, leaving the water to run.

"Ok, they'll be here at any moment now," James said looking at the watch on his wrist "I'm going out"

"Me too" Peter added and they went out of the room. Moments later the showers turned off, announcing that Peter had arrived at the main water key.

"Let's hide," Remus said to Sirius, and they exited the locker room as well, taking cover behind a corner nearby. They had their heads out looking down the hallway, waiting for the Slytherin boys to come. Sirius started humming Roxanne for the fifth time in the day and Remus sent him a nasty look.

"Quit it" he whispered, and Sirius rolled his eyes and then looked up.

"We should turn off these lights too" Sirius pointed at the fluorescents in the corridor.

"Yes, go" Remus nodded and Sirius ran quickly to the other side. He turned the lights off, leaving the hallway only with the red emergency lights, and then ran to where Remus was with his eyes wide open.

"They're coming" he announced. Remus grabbed Sirius' jacket and pulled the other boy closer.

"They can fucking see you" Remus muttered, letting his grip go. The main door opened, and the sound of dozens of feet and voices filled the corridor. Remus peeked a little bit and saw the crowd of boys entering the locker room. When the last boy had entered he turned to Sirius.

"Now" They ran to the door and closed it with a loud bang, some screams were heard inside. Remus held the door back, while Sirius placed a long wooden piece between the handle and the door, preventing the boys inside from opening it. A couple of 'what the fuck' and 'bloody hell' were heard inside, joined by screams from the boys. They heard the sound of the showers going off all of the sudden. More yells. Remus checked his watch: 5:10.

Perfect timing, Pete.

Then the lights inside the locker room went out. 5:11.

James' turn.

Yells about blood, murder, and monsters were heard inside. Remus smiled and looked over to Sirius, who was also grinning and holding back a laugh. Remus checked his watch, 5:13, it was their time. He nodded at Sirius and the boy grabbed the walkie-talkie near his mouth. He pressed the button and then started whistling a soft and creepy tune. Remus grabbed the gardening tool he had on his jacket -one of the many props James had found- and scratched the door as if it was a hand full of claws. The Slytherin boys started pleading to be let out. This only made Sirius whistle more on the radio and Remus continued scratching, both snickering; he could imagine the scared expressions of the boys. Avery screaming to be let out, Mulciber on the front of the group, shaking the door vigorously, in attempts to free them from that 'hell'. Sirius stopped pressing the button and started cackling right there in the hallway. Remus joined him, leaning back on the wall, trying not to fall on the floor.

"Oh my god, they're literally crying" he barked and Remus nodded. He noticed the wood on the door starting to bend since the boys inside seemed to be kicking the door harder and harder each time.

"We have to go," Remus told Sirius and they ran to the main entrance. When they were out they saw the Ravenclaw Football team coming down to the field and other students exiting the gym. Then James and Peter appeared running from behind the building.

"Did it work? Are they scared?" James questioned, excited.

"Oh, you bet your pretty arse that they are, Prongs" Sirius laughed shoving him slightly.

As on cue, the Slytherin Football team burst out of the locker room building, running and falling on the ground, looking scared. Some even pale as a ghost.

"...the fucking curse...is a fucking ghost!" they heard one of them say, with flushed cheeks. The four of them looked at each other and started laughing, watching how the Slytherins scaped terrified. Remus even saw Avery running away terrified and he couldn't help but smile at it, he had gotten what he deserved.

"That was bollocks!" James yelled excitedly as they walked back to the Dining Hall, feeling as if they were walking on the clouds, at least Remus was.

"Did you see Malfoy's face?!" Sirius asked, jumping in front of James and shaking him by his shoulders "he was as white as his hair!" he barked a laugh and James matched it.

"Fuck yes! I hope that prick has nightmares tonight" he smirked "Dream with fucking Pennywise you dick," he said to the air as if Malfoy was in front of him.

"I must admit it, Lupin, it was a great prank" Sirius commented, with his eyebrows raised. Remus glanced at him with a little frown and then chuckled, not believing that Sirius Black was actually complimenting something that he did.

"Cheers, Black"

"It wasn't just a good prank, it was one of the best pranks we'd ever pulled off" James admitted and Remus felt his cheeks a little warm.

"Thanks," he said, putting his hands on his jacket.

"Well, I don't know about you lads, but I'm starving" James grunted, holding his stomach as they entered the Dining Hall "I hope that they serve roasted chicken again" he said as they walked to the line. James' wishes seemed to be heard, as the dinner was indeed roasted chicken with peas and mashed potatoes; the boy was euphoric when he found out. As they walked away from the line Remus glanced over to the girls' table. They were already there, chatting and laughing, he wondered if he ought to be with them now. But then he switched his sight to the three boys walking in front of him and remembered what Lily had told him that morning. Remus had felt really good with them just seconds ago, and it would be a shame to just stop that feeling. He didn't want to be selfish, but still, he decided to go with them instead of the girls' table.

Maybe tomorrow, he said to himself. And sat down beside Peter, smiling and already back to laughing about something James said.

November 15th, 1995

The excitement for the game could be sensed since the early morning of that Wednesday. Students buzzed with anticipation for the match and the tensions between each team were at an all-time high. Several discussions and fights broke out just at breakfast. The rivalry between the two houses extended even outside, with students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw also excited for the game as if were their own. Remus could tell that it was really important for everyone involved, especially for James who came that morning wearing his Football jersey under his -open- school shirt and jacket, displaying the gold number 7 on his chest.

"Mornin' lads," he said sitting beside Sirius with a big smile. His food tray was more filled with food than any other day "look, Philip made me waffles!" he announced happily "he said it was for good luck today" James grabbed a small paper cup and started drowning his golden waffles with maple syrup.

"Uhm, why are wearing your jersey?" Remus questioned, confused.

"Oh, it's for luck," James said, sucking some syrup out of his thumb.

"He's sorta superstitious" Sirius explained eating his oats.

"It has never failed me" James guaranteed with a grin "every time we have an important game I wear my jersey and my lucky socks all day" without warning James propped one foot over the table, his expensive leather loafer pressing over a clean napkin, and pulled back the bottom of his trousers, showing light blue socks with rockets on it.

"Right" Remus nodded with a chuckle as James put down his foot again. Remus wondered about what Lily would've said about that.

The day continued and it was clear that the only thing anyone in Hogwarts could think about was the game between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Even some teachers looked more interested in talking with the players of each team and discussing strategies than actually giving lessons. Remus didn't complain, it gave him the perfect opportunity to read in class without being yelled at for not paying attention.

When dusk started painting the sky in pink and orange, hoards of students moved from the castle and campuses down to the big Football field, filling the stands with banners and whistles; one side was scarlet and gold, and the other emerald and silver.

Remus went out of Lion with Peter and Sirius, the three of them wearing Gryffindor's colors, Sirius had two red and yellow lines on each side of his cheeks and Peter wore a hat with a lion on it. Remus just had an old maroon sweater on, it wasn't much but at least it was the same color scheme as the team. He saw the girls coming out of Scarlet, wearing red and yellow attires too. He waved at them and the three came closer.

"Hello guys," Mary said, beaming.

"Alright, ladies?" Sirius smiled at them "love the look, Mckinnon" Sirius pointed at his own cheeks and Remus noticed that Marlene had similar lines painted on her face.

"Thanks, Black, you too" she grinned.

"So, you'll explain to me what's an 'offside' and all that, I suppose," Lily said to him, wrapping her arm around his.

"I was hoping you tell me that" he joked, making Lily laugh.

"Oh, the things we do for our friends" she glanced at Marlene who was excitedly talking with Sirius and Peter about something, probably Football-related.

"And you Mary? Are you excited?" Remus questioned and the girl shrugged with a smile.

"Sports aren't my thing, but I do love a big event," she said "I should look for Daryl, would you guys save us a spot?" they nodded and she broke away from the group.

"So..." Lily started with a cheeky smile "I heard that somebody pranked the Slytherin team yesterday, and they found some Halloween decorations in their locker room" Remus raised his eyebrows "you wouldn't know something about it, right?" she questioned but by her tone, Remus knew she already was aware of everything.

"Oh, 'course not" Remus pulled his eyebrows together and smiled. Lily sighed and shook her head.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into" she warned, still wearing a small grin.

"Don't worry, Lils, we're not gonna get caught" he assured and Lily raised a brow.

"Right." she said, unsure "So, how is life in boy's world?" she asked and Remus glanced at her. He had sat with the three boys the last few days continuously, only being with the girls in class and sometimes between classes.

"You wouldn't like it" he snorted and Lily raised her brows.

"A table full of hormonal dumb teenage boys? Yeah, I don't think I'd like it" She made a horrified face and Remus laughed.

"They're alright, I actually like talking with Peter and James" Remus shrugged.

"So Black's still a 'no-zone'?" Lily wondered.

"Well, sometimes he can be... tolerable" he rolled his eyes "but still, y'know..."

"I see" Lily nodded and looked at him, thinking about something. Remus wanted to know what was going on inside that firey head of hers, but it was always difficult to decipher. They continued to walk down to the field, and when they were almost there, Dalia ran up to Sirius hugging him from behind.

"Hi, babe" Sirius grinned and placed a peck on her lips. Right behind her Leah appeared, both girls were wearing red and yellow colors.

"Hi everybody!" Dalia waved at them, happily, while she held Sirius' hand.

"Uhm, I don't think Leah likes me very much" Lily whispered and Remus glanced at the other girl. Leah was eyeing Lily with not-so-friendly eyes, Remus could only guess it was because of James and the thing at Halloween.

"D'you think so?" he said sarcastically and Lily gave him a light shove.

They continued their way to the field, moving between the people and, thanks mainly to Sirius, grabbing good seats right at the center of their section. Remus sat between Marlene and Lily, who reserved the two seats on her other side for Mary and Daryl. Peter sat on the other side of Marlene and was followed by Sirius, Dalia, and finally Leah. The rest of the stands started to fill up, there was music and even some drums playing on both sides. Remus could tell that most students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were supporting Gryffindor since the scarlet section was filled to the brim with people. Suddenly, Sirius jumped out of his seat and over to the stands under them, walking quickly out of that section. Remus turned to where Peter and Dalia were and they looked as confused as him.

"Where's he goin'?" he asked Peter and the boy shrugged.

"Dunno, he only said he needed to go" Peter shrugged and Remus looked to where the other boy had gone.

Mary came with Daryl a couple of minutes later. After some time, the teams came out to the field, receiving cheers and loud screams from the stands. Beside Remus, Marlene hooted and yelled with excitement and Peter blew a plastic whistle that hung from his neck. Remus saw James jogging behind the tall brunette boy at the front of the line. He noticed that the boy didn't have his usual glasses on but instead, some goggles that made him look kind of funny. Remus recognized a few of the names on the backs of the players from Lion Common Room, most of them were older boys.

After both teams warmed up, they stood in a line beside each other, like Remus had seen professional teams do on TV, and everyone in the stands stood up. Remus looked around confused and stood up too some seconds later. A loud and majestic tune started playing from the megaphones and everyone around him started singing, even Lily. It was Hogwart's anthem, he figured; obviously, he didn't know it, so he limited himself to putting his hands behind his back and stared forward for the entirety of the song. After that, one player from each team came out from the line, for Gryffindor it was the tall brunette boy beside James, Woods, Remus read his name on the back; and for Slytherin a boy with a low platinum ponytail, Malfoy, he recalled. They gathered before a man wearing an all-black uniform, Remus didn't know who he was but he had seen him before around the campus, maybe a PE professor from other years. The team captains shook hands with each other but didn't look too happy about it. They flipped the coin and clearly, Slytherin had won something since the emerald stands erupted in cheers. Both teams pulled back to their area and took their positions, then a familiar voice was heard around the field.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen -and Slytherins, of course- to the opening game for Hogwarts' Football Cup, the match of the century, a classic, Gryffindor versus Slytherin" the voice hollered through the megaphone and stands yelled loudly.

"Is that...?"

"Sirius, yeah" Peter interrupted him while nodding "I guess he wanted that commentator spot" he shrugged with an amused smile. Remus scoffed, surprised by the other boy's ability to always be the center of attention, no matter what.

"Well yes, Sirius, as you say, it's an exciting event that we all have been looking for," a female voice said now.

"Is that Tamara Nahdi?" Remus heard Dalia asking Leah, the blond looked a little worried and less happy than before.

"In the Slytherin side, we have Rowle as our keeper, then we have Bulstrode, Dubois, and Avery at the back, then Schmidt, Mulciber, and Carrow, on the midfield, and at the front, we have Lestrange, Flint, Nott, and the captain Malfoy!" Tamara said with enthusiasm.

"In the great Lion House, we have Yang at the goal! McLaggen, Souza, Diggory, and Bell at the back, then Thomas, Jones, Cruz, and Johnson at the middle" Sirius yelled like one of those announcers on television "and at the front lines, the great James Potter and our captain Woods!" the Gryffindor stands erupted with loud screams and jumps. Remus joined them with some clapping as if that could be heard among the thunders that were those stands.

"Well, it's time for our match to begin!" Tamara yelled and both stands cheered. The referee blew his whistle and Malfoy kicked the ball first, passing it to another boy with the emerald jersey. Tamara narrated along so quickly that Remus felt lost between what he was watching and what he was hearing.

"...Jones has the ball now, he passes it to Cruz, Cruz to Potter, Potter has the ball, he goes up, he passes it to Woods, Woods got it-Oh!" Remus saw how Mulciber pushed Woods away with his body "Mulciber blocks him and now he has the ball..."

The game went on. Marlene and Peter were yelling at the field as if the players could hear them, Lily and him just watched and clapped or cheered when they saw Gryffindor did something good. Remus understood some of the game, but it still was unclear to him some of the things they did.

Woods had the ball for a moment, and the boy ran quickly to the goal, dodging every Slytherin player easily as if they were dancing. The Gryffindor stands were hollering and Sirius was almost screaming on his mic, building anticipation of the expected goal. But it never came. Woods was harshly pushed by Avery, near the goal area. The Gryffindor boy fell and everyone in the stands gasped and started to yell angrily at the field. The referee blew his whistle and ran to where Woods was lying. He blew the whistle again and signed the players something Remus didn't understand. The Gryffindor stands started yelling angrily

"What?!" Marlene yelled "Just a free kick and no yellow card? That was a penalty fault!" she whined. Remus turned back to Lily and she shrugged with a laugh. Woods kicked the ball from where he had been lying and Johnson tried to throw it in with his head, but Bulstrode blocked it.

"Oh, this is bollocks!" Remus heard Mary yelling mad, he raised an eyebrow, wondering where all the sudden enthusiasm had come from.

"Ok, Gryffindor stands, let's hear it," Sirius said through the megaphone "Oh, Slytherin you suck..." he started singing and, soon, most of the scarlet stands joined.

"Slytherin you suck! You're just a cheating dirty bunch" the students at the stand threw their hands to their air, at the same rhythm, Remus looked around in confusion "Oh you don't know how to play, you don't know how to score, and you will lose against the Lion force!" Remus laughed at the chant, he had heard worse Football songs before, with real degrading rhymes and dirty lines, but the -sort of "posh"- song they were singing was kind of catchy.

"All students present, let me remind you to keep good sportsmanship at all times of the game and outside of the field too" the voice of Professor McGonagall was heard through the megaphone "that goes for you too, Mr. Black" Remus snorted.

"You got it, Minnie" everyone in the stands laughed "well, we continue our game Bell passes it to Jones. Jones to Johnson. Johnson has it, he runs. Johnson to Potter, Potter runs. He had the lead, he's running..." James ran like a bullet through the field, Woods parallel to him on the other side. The Gryffindor stands started to cheer and scream louder.

"Come on, James! Vamos!" Mary yelled, Daryl was grabbing her by the waist so she didn't fall to the stands under them.

The Slytherin boys were all running after James, it looked like a gazelle running from hyenas.

"Hey Snakes, be careful, don't wanna stumble with clown ghost or sum," Sirius said with a cackle.

A few of the emerald-wearing boys turned around, giving James the perfect opportunity to break through the defense and pass the ball to Woods, the older player scoring a perfect goal.

"Goal!" the Gryffindor stands erupted in loud screams and jumps, even Lily was yelling and clapping, excited for Woods' goal.

The Slytherin boys looked furious, cursing around with sour faces. Remus felt satisfaction, knowing he was responsible for that.

Then the Slytherin team scored a goal a minute before halftime. The emerald stands went crazy while the Gryffindor section yelled at the referee saying that it wasn't valid since they had made a fault seconds before.

"That's such bullshit" Marlene spat.

"Cómo que es gol? Eso no era gol, oh my god!" Mary yelled as angrily as Marlene. Remus and Lily shared a look and then laughed.

When the second half started an obvious shift in the technique from the Slytherin players was seen. They were playing even more aggressively and bumping into the Gryffindor boys, making them fall and lose the ball. Even with their tries of a dirty game, James managed to score another goal, giving the lead to Gryffindor for the rest of the game. When the final whistle sounded, the scarlet stands jumped with excitement and happiness. The final score was 2-1, with Gryffindor taking the win. He saw James celebrating with the team, jumping over Woods and making him fall to the ground.

The celebration was taken to Lion that night. The Gryffindor team opened the doors of the Common Room to any other students to celebrate their victory. They played music loudly and even took out a couple of beers to give to the team. Other boys even carried James and Woods, throwing them in the air and laughing.

Remus was in a corner with Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Daryl. Marlene and Mary recollected every exciting moment of the game and replayed it out loud. Remus and Lily watched the players at the center of the Common Room, among them was James, up at a table, telling the 'public' his point of view of the match. Remus looked down at Lily and she was listening to James with a soft smile on her face, Remus shook his head.

"Did you like the game?" he asked the girl and she turned to him with her eyebrows raised.

"Sorry?" she said, it seemed like Remus had taken her out of her thoughts.

"I asked you if you enjoyed the game" Remus chuckled.

"Ah" Lily giggled "yeah, it was sorta fun" she shrugged with a faint smile.

"Yes, it was" he squinted his eyes and then turned to the other two girls "at least we know Marlene and Mary enjoyed it" Lily turned her head to look at her friends and laughed.

"Yeah, I'd never expected Mary to be so excited about Football" she shook her head and returned his green eyes to the center of the room. It appeared that James had finished telling his story because he wasn't there anymore.

"James' good" Remus commented, trying not to be so obvious about bringing up the topic. Lily eyed him.

"Well yeah, he is" Lily crossed her arms over her chest "I mean, what d'you expect really? His dad's like a Football god" she rolled her eyes.

"You seemed very excited when he scored the second goal" Remus pointed out with a cheeky smile, receiving a slight punch from the girl in return.

"Stop that! I was just excited about Gryffindor having the lead, that's all" she said, but her cheeks had turned the same color as her hair.

"What are you lot talking about?" James appeared between them, with a big grin on his face showing his dimples.

"Nothing of your concern, Potter" Lily raised an eyebrow, looking at James.

"D'you two enjoyed the game?" James asked, sipping from his pint.

"Yes, congratulations, James, you play really well" Remus smirked and James' eyes softened.

"Cheers, Remus, glad that I made your ignorant heart happy for Football" he raised his eyebrows and Remus snorted.

"And you, Evans?" he turned to Lily, scratching the back of his neck "Did you see my goal?" Remus and Lily shared a quick look and Remus tried to hold back a laugh.

"Yes, Potter, it was...astonishing," Lily said, a little bit lost in her words "Congratulations on the win" she smiled a little.

"Thank you" he grinned widely, staring at her dumbfounded "Uh, do you want something to drink?" he asked.

"Uhm, yes," Lily said.

"And you, Remus?" James turned to him as if he just remembered he was also there.

"I'm fine, thanks" he answered and James nodded.

"I'll be back in a second" the other boy walked away and Remus let out a cackle when he was far enough.

"'Astonishing', Lils?" he teased and the girl slapped him on his arm.

"Remus!" she scolded, redder than before. He continued to laugh, wiping the tears off his face. It was funny how the girl kept trying to convince herself she hated James, but Remus knew that the boy was starting to grow on her.

The small party was interrupted by McGonagall, who looked delighted by the win of her house but reminded them that they had classes the next day and those who dared to skip would spend the weekend cleaning the gym. The students went back to their respective dorms and the Lion building was finally quiet before midnight.

Remus tried to sleep, but he kept tossing and turning in his bed. Every position was uncomfortable and his brain wouldn't shut up. It might be dead silent in Godric's Campus, but inside his head, he still was in the Gryffindor stands or downstairs in the Common Room laughing about something James had said to him and Lily. He put a pillow over his head and tried to clear his mind, but it was impossible to get to sleep. He groaned and sat down, resigning to his fate.

He dreaded those nights when insomnia would attack his brain. Nothing seemed to help that. After years, he just learned to live with it.

He glanced over to Sirius' bed, the boy was giving him his back and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Remus jumped out of his bed and took his cigarette pack and lighter from the desk, trying not to make noise. He went over to the window and opened it completely, sitting on the ledge and lighting one of his cigarettes. When he took the first drag he felt a lot better, like he'd been holding his breath for a long time and could finally breathe. There was something so comforting in cigarettes that just made them so addictive to him. He had already asked Flynn for another box, shamefully. The boy didn't seem to mind. Remus told himself that he would repay him, he ought to. Remus was so deep in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that Sirius woke up.

"Are you smoking?" he asked with a low voice. Remus turned to him and raised his eyebrows surprised.

"Yeah-uh, I'll put it out" he blurted, half annoyed that Sirius had interrupted him.

"No, no, don't worry" Sirius shook his head and got out of his bed slowly, grabbing a band-tee thrown on the floor and putting it over his naked chest. He dragged his feet to the window.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, dragging from his cigarette, although he thought he knew the answer.

"Nah" Sirius shrugged dismissively "couldn't sleep"

"Me neither" Remus admitted, letting the smoke out. Sirius stared at it and then at Remus.

"Can I have a hit?" he signed the cigarette with his chin and Remus handed it to him with an amused expression.

"Didn't know you smoked" Remus commented as he observed the other boy drag the cigarette, he let the smoke out of the window before answering.

"You don't know me that well," he passed it back with a playful smile and Remus grabbed it with a scoff. He turned his head to the outside as he dragged again, the night was a bit cold, the sky filled with stars and the moon was in a third-quarter phase, looming over Hogwarts' grounds. The smoke that came out of his mouth twirled up slowly and disappeared in the air.

"What's on your mind, Lupin?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence that had grown between them.

"Nothing" he shrugged passing the cigarette to Sirius and he dragged.

"Wanna know something interesting?" he inquired letting the smoke come out between his lips. Remus looked at him, expectantly "Your name it's from Roman Mythology..."

"Yeah, the Romulus and Remus legend, 'raised by the she-wolf', I know" Remus interrupted him, he had read that story before. 'Remus' wasn't a common name and when he saw it once on the cover of a small book a few years ago he obviously had to read it.

"Alright, swot," Sirius said with a laugh as he dragged the cigarette again.

"Who' you callin' swot? I'm not the one that had a perfect score on the History test" Remus scoffed, grabbing the cigarette Sirius was handing him.

"Let's see if you know this then..." Sirius glanced for a moment to the outside, his features washed over with the silver moonlight, making him look sort of like a marble statue.

"Your last name, Lupin, means 'werewolf' in Latin" he turned to Remus "well, really the word is lupinotuum, but close enough" he shrugged with a smile.

"You know, Latin?" he questioned arching a brow and handing the cig back.

"I'm from a rich French family, 'course I know Latin" Sirius snorted and dragged from the cigarette.

"And then I'm the swot" Remus mumbled with irony, looking outside the window.

"Remus Lupin," Sirius said his name as if it was something foreign to his mouth, and it was indeed, Remus had never heard him say his name before "'the werewolf raised by the she-wolf'?" he frowned with a playful smile and Remus rolled his eyes, grabbing the cigarette.

"You're not funny" he shook his head and dragged.

"Not trying to be funny..." Sirius shrugged, leaning his head back on the edge of the window "just informative" he put his arms over his legs and stared out. Remus glanced at him for a second, curiously, and then shook the ash out of the room.

"Hey...Remus?" Sirius spoke again. This time saying his name in a way that sent small shivers down his spine, he had said it in a low and firm voice that made it more personal somehow. Remus turned his head at him, feeling strangely like a deer in headlights. He didn't know why Sirius had changed his tone, and why he now called him 'Remus' instead of the usual sarcastic 'Lupin'.

"I'm sorry" he stared at him with his deep ocean eyes. His expression didn't have that usual playful tint over it, it was steady and dark, making him look years older than he was.

"You already said..."

"No, but... I just apologized for the thing on the first day..." Sirius interrupted him, shaking his head "look... I really want to apologize... for all the things I've done....for how I've treated you... for what I said to you...I'm sorry that you failed your test because of me and I'm sorry I got us in that problem at the Bonfire" he closed his eyes and sighed "I know I told you that you made it impossible to like you, but really it's hard not do so" he rolled his eyes. Remus was frozen by his words "I was wrong...and... I know that I can't unsay what I said but I think that we could try to put this aside and maybe...be-uh...friends?" 

Remus almost dropped his cigarette through the window. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sirius Black was apologizing to him. After he had spent the last two months hating the boy, thinking he was just another stubborn and arrogant rich prick who would rather die before saying sorry and meaning it; there he was, with the most sincere face Remus had ever seen on him, asking for them to be friends. It was like a joke. He almost wanted to laugh.

He thought about saying no, just telling him to fuck off and go to hell. It would've been funny, at least on Remus' part, but in those last few days where they hadn't fought, where they had worked together for the sake of the prank; Remus had found out that it was easier to like Sirius than to hate him. They had their difference, but really they were lot more similar than he'd thought, which annoyed Remus at first, but maybe he could agree on what was the other boy proposing if Sirius was willing to try as well.

Remus dragged the cigarette and scoffed before talking "'never thought you'd said that" he shook his head and laughed.

"Know that I mean it," Sirius said, looking a little worried. Remus dragged again and let out the smoke while looking at him.

"I'm sorry too," he said, looking at the sky, he didn't want those blue-gray orbs on him "I'm sorry for insultin' Blur and insultin' you..." he started, trying to remember everything "I'm sorry for pushing you, and fight with ya', for gettin' into your life, as you said I don't know you, so it was wrong for me to get involved in that" he shrugged "I'm sorry for..."

"I get the point" Sirius laughed and Remus turned to him.

"Can I finish?" he arched a brow, his lips half quirked up. Sirius rolled his eyes with a smile and then nodded "you were right" he admitted "I judged you too, I'm sorry...you're actually not that bad" Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius grinned, his expression soft.

"We make quite the team y'know?" Sirius chuckled "I don't think the prank would've been so successful without you, Remus" it was as weird to him to hear Sirius saying something good to him as it was to hear his name constantly coming out of his mouth.

"Cheers" Remus dragged again and after he blew the smoke out he added "I don't hate their music"

"What?" Sirius frowned.

"Blur. They have some good songs" he shrugged and passed the almost-finished fag to Sirius.

"Oh, I know, I have great taste" he smirked and dragged from the cigarette "and I know you like my music, you're always bobbing your head or humming while you read or do your homework" he snorted and Remus frowned

"I do not" he protested.

"Yes, you do" Sirius laughed, nodding "I don't think you realize it, but you do it often," he told him "also" he dragged again "I saw you looking at my records that night when you went to that party Xeno invited you to" he smirked playfully and Remus looked away, embarrassed, feeling his cheeks starting to burn.

"You saw that?!" he asked.

"Yeah," he said, "I notice a lot of things" that didn't make Remus feel any less ashamed "so" Sirius clapped, jumping into the room "wanna listen to some music?" Remus glanced at the clock on Sirius' desk.

"It's almost 2" he raised an eyebrow.

"You know that that hasn't stopped me ever" Sirius looked at him knowingly.

"Yeah, I know" he muttered as he put out the fag on the edge of the window and went over to Sirius' side.

"Well, what you want to listen to?" he signed at his whole collection of records and Remus eyed him carefully before approaching the desk, it was strange to him to finally be able to touch Sirius' records, to go through his stuff.

"Uh, I dunno" Remus looked at the box with all the records lining up one beside the other, there must have been about 30 different albums in there. He tried to play it cool and uninterested, but really he was too excited to get his hands over that wide spread of music.

"Let's see" Sirius started sorting through his own vinyl "I know you like Bowie" he pulled out Hunky Dory.

"It's impossible not to like Bowie" Remus reasoned with a scoff.

"Right?!" Sirius exclaimed, opening his eyes "He's the best artist to have ever existed"

"Yeah, exactly" Remus nodded. 

"We can listen to that or maybe another...What's your favorite band?" Sirius asked, curiously, and Remus' lips quirked up a little.

"The Smiths" he responded. Sirius smiled and took out their self-titled album.

"It's the only one I got from them" Sirius shrugged and Remus looked over to his collection.

"You've played new music recently" he pointed out and the other boy raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, the albums that Pete and James got me for my birthday" he smiled and turned to the box "we could listen to Pablo Honey by Radiohead, have you heard of them?" he asked taking out a new record.

"I think so" Remus shrugged leaning on the desk "In the radio"

"They're good, it's sorta a different genre of rock but still," he said while he put the disc on the record player. The plate started turning, making that usual soft sound and then a soft guitar started playing.

"You are the sun and moon and stars are you.
And I could never run away from you."

Sirius took the box of records and sat down on the floor beside his bed as the music played on the record player. Remus sat in front of him and the two of them started sorting through Sirius' records. The boy made a comment on every new album he pulled out of the bunch, and Remus added his own opinion, mostly agreeing with what Sirius had said already.

Remus didn't know how they had ended up that way, just a few days ago they had been at each other's throats, and now they were peacefully sitting on the floor discussing music like they were the best of friends. It was unfamiliar territory, but it also felt natural somehow. Remus had to pause for a moment to realize that he was talking with Sirius, not somebody he knew years before. Remus would've killed himself one week ago if he had even thought about Sirius being a friend to him.

This has gone too far now.

"Hey, " Remus interrupted Sirius, he felt the need to say something "just so you know, I still think you're an annoying tosser" Sirius' lips quirked up.

"Great, 'cause I still see you as a dodgy swot" he snorted and Remus tried to hold back a smirk.

"As I was saying" Sirius resumed his eager talking "the new rock is great, but nothing beats the old style...Led Zeppelin, The Stones, Pink Floyd..."

Chapter Text

"A beast can never be as cruel as a human being, so artistically, so picturesquely cruel"
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

November 20th, 1995

Remus found out that being Sirius' friend came with some perks. He could now freely tell him to shut up whenever the other boy was being obnoxiously loud or suggest something to play in his record player and he would actually listen. Room C-12 was also now the preferred area for the three other boys to hang out, talking and listening to music late at night until Frank came and sent Peter and James to their own room; Remus usually sat in his bed, silently reading and sometimes adding to the conversation, but strangely he enjoyed the company. They hadn't told anything specifically to Peter or James, but Remus could tell that the other two boys knew something was different between them, especially James who seemed happier around them than he usually was.

The downside was that every time Sirius annoyed him or started bothering him with his jokes he couldn't just tell him to sod off and act angry at him, his threats didn't work anymore with the boy; they would only make Sirius annoy him more.

What had he gotten himself into, honestly? 

Sirius also had anointed himself as his new History partner, leaving Mary with Dalia. When Remus commented about it he only said that he already spent too much with the blond, which Remus had thought was a shitty response but didn't want to argue with him.

That Monday night they were in their room, James was in Football practice, and Peter was with the Chess Club, so it was just them again. 

They were listening to Queen -Sirius's choice-, Remus sat on his bed and tried to read but was unsuccessful to do so since Sirius was singing loudly as if he was performing on a stage in front of thousands of spectators.

"Oh, I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit" he sang loudly using a hairbrush as a microphone "I'm traveling at the speed of light. I wanna make a supersonic man out of you" Marlene was right, Sirius had an amazing range, his voice vibrated in the room in a perfect tone, it was strong and steady, and it sounded professional, not the voice from a 16-year-old boy.

Still, Remus was annoyed by the loudness so he grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him.

"Shut up" Sirius grabbed the pillow with his free hand and turned to Remus.

"You tosser" he laughed before throwing the pillow back at him and walking to his side "what are you reading?" Sirius left his hairbrush on Remus' desk and started looking through the small pile of books he had on it.

"Leave them" he scolded.

"What? I let you go through my entire record collection" Sirius protested.

"These books aren't mine, they're from the Library," he said shutting his book and sitting on the edge of his bed, beside the desk.

"So? It's not like I'm going to set them on fire" Sirius stuck his tongue out, childishly, and Remus rolled his eyes. The other boy continued sorting through the books and Remus watched him carefully.

"Do you read?" he questioned and Sirius turned to him with his jaw on the floor.

"Oh, you didn't just say that" he blurted "that's the most insulting thing someone has ever asked me" he threw his arms up.

"Alright, sorry, 's just that I've never seen you reading" he excused himself and Sirius shook his head.

"I do read, thank-you-very-much" he said, his French accent slipping a little at the end "I just do it over the breaks" he turned again to the books "it's easier that way, I go through at least 15 books over the Summer, I have a Library back at my house" he shrugged and Remus rolled his eyes again.

"'Course you do" he scoffed. Sirius grabbed the last book from the pile and smirked.

"You have some interesting choices here, Poe and Doyle? You like mystery" he commented and then eyed the one Remus had in his hands. Before Remus could react, Sirius snatched the book out of him, Remus threw his hands to him, trying to steal it back, but Sirius was quicker; he stepped back with a smile that showed his bad intentions.

"Give it back" Remus demanded with a tired sigh.

"Come and get it," Sirius said in a little tune, waving the book in front of Remus' face.

Childish, Remus thought.

He stretched his arms to grab the book but Sirius was faster, again, extending his arm up and putting the book over his head.

"You do remember I'm taller than you?" Remus said with his eyebrow raised.

"Then take the book from me" Sirius dared with a smirk and Remus rolled his eyes, standing up slowly. Sirius took a step back, cautiously. Remus charged at him trying to get the book but Sirius was, once again, quicker; stepping aside and going to his bed.

"Stop playing, Black" he grunted and went over to him, attempting to snatch the book from the other boy but it was frustratingly impossible, he just change the book from one hand to another in a fast move and walked back, avoiding Remus.

"I thought that you could do it better, Lupin" he taunted with a loud laugh and Remus groaned. He was about to step at him again but someone knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" Sirius responded, turning his head to the door, giving him the perfect opportunity to get his book back. Sirius snapped his head at him with an offended expression and the door opened, Patil peeking his head in.

"Remus, Mrs. Greggs is looking for you, says you have a call," the other boy said. Remus left his book on the desk and Sirius looked at him curiously as he grabbed his jacket and went out of the room.

Remus walked rapidly to the Administration Building and when he entered the secretary pressed her lips together and signed to the first phone. This time the other phones were all empty. He went over to the first booth and put the phone against his ear.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, Remus" Mrs. Hernandez talked on the other line, as he had expected it "How are you?"

"Alright" he leaned on the booth "better"

"Better is good," she said, in her usual formal voice "so, how you've been behaving?"

Remus thought about how they had escaped to the woods two different times, how drunk he had been at Sirius' party, and also the prank on the Slytherins. He clearly couldn't tell her all of that.

"Good," he said, nodding as if she could see him.

"Great!" she said happily, making a pause, probably writing everything down "and your grades?"

"Also good" if they didn't look at French class, of course.

"Perfect, have you done anything new?" she asked.

"I entered the Track team of my house" he mentioned after some second, and Mrs. Hernandez gasped a little.

"That's great, Remus! You didn't even go to PE class before" she laughed and Remus chuckled.

"Well yeah, guess I jus' needed a small push"

And a big incentive in Math class, of course.

"That's great, that's great" she confirmed.

"Uhm, I also made some more friends," he said shyly, he didn't know why he was telling her that but he felt the strange need to do so, he had never had that many friends before.

"Yes?"

"Yeah, sum' boys" he shrugged, playing with the cable with his other hand.

"Are they good too?" she wondered and Remus almost laughed.

"Yes," he chuckled. Maybe the other three boys weren't exactly examples to follow but they certainly were good friends.

"That's really nice to hear, Remus. Keep good company close" she advised and he smiled a little.

"Yeah, Daisy, I will" he whispered.

"Well, keep up the good behavior," she said, Remus thought she would now hang up but she added, "also, Remus, Winter break is in less than a month, will you come back to London or will you stay at Hogwarts?" Remus froze for a second, he hadn't considered that.

Christmas was in about a month but he hadn't thought about going back for the break. He could stay at Hogwarts, staying at school was probably not the best idea for everyone, but at least he wouldn't be at Waterfront with all of those memories...he had to think about it.

"I dunno" he mumbled.

"Well, think about it, I'll call again before the break," she said and Remus sighed "goodbye, Remus"

"Bye" the call ended and Remus put the phone back feeling heavy.

He knew what was looming around the corner. Winter was coming and with that the pain of the past.

No, he didn't want to think about that, just not now.

He bolted out of the Administration Building, trying to keep his mind off the problem. He entered his room, still with Mrs. Hernandez's voice on his head.

"Who was it?" Sirius took him out of his thoughts. Remus blinked quickly and looked at the boy, who was now laying on his bed with a book in his hand, one from Remus' pile he could tell.

"What?" he said, startled by everything.

"Who called?" Sirius asked again.

"Uh, my mum" he lied, not knowing why he had said mum instead of anything else. He went over to his bed and grabbed the book he was reading before.

"Your mum," Sirius repeated, a little surprised. Remus nodded, not wanting to talk about the subject further "she calls you often?" he asked and Remus dragged his eyes lazily to him.

"Yeah" he blurted, half-mindedly.

"Oh" Sirius breathed, he stared at an empty point of the bedroom for some seconds, eyes lost, then they flickered back to the book in his hand.

November 21st, 1995

The next morning, he got out of the extensive Math class to his free hour, that precious time when he could be alone, and smoke how much he wanted until the bell rang and told him that the next hour was up. He went to his smoke spot and lit a cigarette, feeling the tobacco coming down his throat into his lungs, warm and harsh. Oh, how he loved that feeling.

He was halfway down his cigarette when he saw a figure walking up to him.

"Mind if I join?" Flynn said with a smirk as he got closer "haven't talked with ya' for like a week" he commented as he took out his box of Malboros and his zippo.

" 'Been busy" he shrugged with a faint smile.

"Yeah..." he nodded as he brought the flame to the end of his fag and lit it. He dragged and then let out the smoke as he put away the zippo. Remus didn't know how Flynn did it, but somehow he make normal gestures like that one look too cool "hanging out with Black and his sort" Remus chuckled and dragged from his cigarette.

"Sorta, yeah" he shrugged, shaking the ash.

"It doesn't seem like 'sorta' " he pointed out, dragging again.

"They're alright," he told him and Flynn raised one of his thick eyebrows.

"Thought you hated Black" Flynn mentioned

"We're working on it" Remus glanced to another place, but he could tell that the other boy had a strange reaction to that.

"Working on it?" Flynn laughed "blimey, you sound like my parents" he cackled again "never thought you'd been on good terms with him, seemed like you guys would be the ruin of each other" Flynn looked truly concerned by the news Remus had told him, he couldn't understand why.

"Well, as I said, we're working on it" Remus raised his eyebrows. He let smoke out of his mouth and turned to the other guy again "is there something wrong with that?" he questioned, genuinely confused.

"Nothing, 's just..." Flynn dragged and shook his head "nothing" Remus frowned.

"Wut?" he insisted and Flynn sighed with a smirk on his face.

"I don't know, I've always thought that Sirius was a snobbish prick, it doesn't match much with you" he slapped his chest softly and Remus snorted.

"He is like that" Remus rolled his eyes "but y'know, I have to live with it, almost all of you are like it, anyways" he joked and Flynn opened his mouth.

"Fuck off!" he pushed him playfully and Remus laughed. "But really, he's like a prince, or at least he thinks he's one" Flynn rolled his eyes "what changed, all of the sudden?" Remus had to stop for a moment to think about the answer.

Well, really it was the fact that Sirius apologized for everything he had done. He admitted his mistakes, something that Remus never thought he would. But what prompted him to do so was unclear, and perhaps Remus would never know; but it had been surprising and had made him give in too, apologizing for his part in the spat. 

"He apologized," he told Flynn, and he looked at him as if he had just told him the most bizarre thing in history.

"Now you're just taking the piss" he shook his head with a scoff "he apologized?" he repeated, not believing it. Remus couldn't blame him, a week ago if somebody had told him the same thing he would've laughed and told the person to fuck off.

"He did" he dragged from his cigarette and Flynn scoffed again, shaking his head.

"Can't believe it" he muttered, "so now you're like best mates or sum?"

"No, it's nothing like that" Remus shook his head "we don't share our deepest secrets with each other" he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right, you only do that with total strangers, got it" Flynn winked playfully at him and Remus went back to one of the first times they'd ever talked.

"You tosser" Remus snorted, dragging once again.

"Oh" Flynn raised his eyebrows with a cheeky smirk "talking about the devil, here comes your little prince" he signed over Remus' shoulder with his head and he turned around. He saw Sirius walking to them, with his jacket in one hand and his saddle over his shoulder.

"Fuck off" Remus pushed Flynn and the other boy laughed.

"I'm out, don't wanna interfere with your best friend reunion," Flynn said, quickly putting his fag out with the wall "see ya'" Remus nodded and Flynn bolted out of there.

"Wasn't that Xeno's friend?" Sirius asked seconds later with a faint frown.

"Yeah, he's a friend, " Remus shrugged "he gives me cigs now and then" he explained with a half smile then frowned at the other boy "aren't you s'posed to be at class?"

"Oui" Sirius nodded with his usual smirk "I'll go after this, I don't need two hours of Philosophy when I already know most of the things Garnier is talking about" he scoffed and Remus raised a brow "also I can ask somebody else to pass me the notes"

"Right" Remus scoffed. Of course, he only lived by his rules and if he considered that he didn't need classes then he just didn't go. The world turned around Sirius Balck.

"Also, wanted to find you" Sirius looked at him, and Remus pulled his brows further together.

"Me? Why?" he questioned.

"Well," Sirius snatched the almost-finished cigarette from his fingers and dragged from it, Remus sent him an annoyed look  "we have to start the History thing, it's for next week" Sirius reminded him.

"Right," he said, grabbing his cigarette back as the bell rang in the distance.

"Meet you at the Library after classes then?" he grinned and Remus nodded with a tired sigh. He took a last drag before putting it out on the wall and walking away to his Art class.

After their last class of the day -History- had ended, Remus walked with Sirius to the Library. The other boy was talking animately about how 'cool' was death in Egyptian Mythology.

"See, after you go through all of that you have to confess 42 sins that you didn't commit to the god's assessors, then your heart will be weighed against the feather of truth and if it was pure enough you'll go to the afterlife" Sirius explained.

"What if it wasn't?" Remus questioned with one brow raised.

"Basically your soul would be swallowed by this creature called Ammut" he made a horror expression and waved his fingers at Remus' face.

"So that's what would happen to you, given that your heart would even outweigh a rock" he teased as he opened the door of the Library.

"You're hilarious," Sirius commented sarcastically while he entered before him "all I'm saying is if death was like that it would be very cool, you are buried with all of your things, and you get mummified and you have this cool afterlife" he shrugged as Remus lead them to the end of the Library.

"I won't qualify potentially being eaten by a demon as cool" he added, with irony.

"I think I'd want to be buried with my record collection, that way I can listen to music for all of eternity," Sirius said, ignoring Remus' remark. They walked to a small old door at the corner of the Library, Remus opened it, revealing a dark staircase that went underground.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked, confused, but still following Remus down the stairs.

"The old archives of the Library, it suppose to have hundreds of newspapers from years before" Remus explained as they went down. The smell of old wood and mold infested his nostrils, it was humid and dark there, he could barely see where he was stepping. They got to the bottom of it and Remus saw a little string hanging from the ceiling, he pulled it and the room lit up faintly with a small lightbulb.

"It looks as if nobody's been here for decades" Sirius judged, peeking around with his nose scrunched.

"Well, Lily told me about this place, she said it could help a lot with the project" Remus put his things on the only table there. The place was filled with dozens of file cabinets, and an old printer in a corner.

"Of course," Sirius murmured with a scoff. Remus went to the files and read the dates on them, they vary from the late 1800s until the 1980s. He glanced at Sirius for a split second and saw the other boy checking the dust from one of the cabinets.

"Don't just stand there, help me look for stuff" he scolded the guy and he threw back his head with a small groan.

"Fine, whatever you say boss" he winked at him and Remus rolled his eyes, he already knew that that evening would be hard and long.

Most of the newspapers were news from around the UK, they had to search for some time to finally pick a couple of articles about Hogwarts. One talked about the construction of the castle back in the 16th century, another one about the school foundation in 1832, and a couple more about some major influential people graduating from Hogwarts. 

Sirius was sitting at the table, reading the newspapers while Remus tried to make the printer work so they can take copies of the articles. It was difficult since the machine was having some trouble printing the pages and the newspapers were covered in protective plastic, making the copies a little bit blurry and hard to read. Remus was growing frustrated, and the heat of that room only made it worse. He had his sleeves up to his elbows and had put his jacket beside his saddle some time ago.

"Hey, Remus" Sirius called from his seat, Remus snapped his head at the other boy, not having the patience to hear anything right now "if you were mummified, what would you want to be buried with?" Sirius turned his head at him and Remus just looked back with angry eyes.

"Don't know" he snarled and went back to fighting the printer "ugh, this fucking piece of shit" he kicked the machine and it groaned, trying to make a new copy.

"Alright" Sirius stood up "let's switch, I'm tired of reading anyways" he walked up to him with a faint smile, some small strands of black hair falling from the bun he had, he had his tie loose and his shirt out of his pants.

"Fine" he grunted and went to the table, breathing rapidly and his temples trembling beside his head. 

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in, the overwhelming feeling slowly draining away. He shook his head and start flipping through the newspapers on the table. He put aside some articles that look interesting and placed on the big pile those which didn't have any information about Hogwarts. He then stopped for a moment and his mind flew to something that had nothing to do with what they were doing.

"Books," he said suddenly and turned to Sirius, he frowned faintly, not understanding what Remus was saying "I would probably want to be buried with books, maybe a collection of Poe's tales and poetry and Kafka's Metamorphosis" he shrugged and Sirius smiled.

"Are those your favorites?" he questioned and Remus nodded.

"Sum' of them, it's hard to pick" 

"Yeah" Sirius nodded and then Remus smiled a little.

"I would also bring a box of Malboros" he added with a small shrug and Sirius snorted.

"'Course you would" he rolled his eyes "talking 'bout that, so that dealer friends of yours..."

"His name's Flynn" Remus corrected.

"Finn, yeah," Sirius said mindlessly "has he given you anything else than fags?" he raised a brow, and Remus frowned.

"What?"

"You know, something else..." the other boy raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh" Remus understood "I've smoked from their spliffs, but nothing else" he shrugged, turning to the newspapers again.

"So you haven't bought weed from them" Sirius questioned with a slightly playful tone.

"No, don't have the money even if I wanted to" Remus didn't understand Sirius' sudden fascination for weed and Flynn "I didn't picture you as a stoner, Black" he joked with a scoff.

"Oh, no, haven't tried it yet," he said with a smirk and went back to work with the printer, "thought you could teach me" he teased "us, really. James and Pete also want to try" 

"Right" Remus snorted.

Three rich boys who wanted the 'street experience', of course.

"Which also reminds me, James told me that you needed help in French?" Sirius raised an eyebrow with a smug smile. Remus wanted to die at that moment.

Bloody hell, James, really?

"Uh, not really, I'm doing better now" Remus shook his head and turned his hot face to the newspapers on the table, they suddenly looked more entertaining than before.

"That's not what James told me" Sirius laughed, walking to him. Remus seriously wanted to kill James Potter at that moment "don't play it tough, Remus, I know you need my help" the other boy sang.

"Alright," he sighed, painfully leaving his pride behind. He didn't need to look at Sirius to know that the boy was now smiling with that arrogant smirk of his.

"See? It wasn't that difficult" he chuckled and walked back to the printer.

Yeah, it wasn't that difficult, it only took my dignity.

"Hey, take a look at this" Sirius called again, Remus looked at him and the boy was standing in from of a cabinet in the far corner of the room, "it says confidential" he turned his head at Remus with an excited look on his face "what d'you think they hide in there?" Remus shrugged.

"Dunno" Sirius then tried to open the first drawer but it didn't budge.

"It's locked" he hummed "could you open it with that magic trick of yours" he suggested and Remus stood up, rolling his eyes.

"It's not a magic trick" he clicked his tongue "I've only opened doors, never something like this" he crossed his arms and Sirius tried to shake open the drawer again. It, obviously, didn't open, "It's not gonna open" Remus reminded him.

"A closed door is only an excuse to open the window," Sirius said walking to his bag.

"I don't think that's how it goes" Remus frowned. Sirius took out a metal ruler from his saddle and walked back to where he was "what are you doing?"

"Magic" Sirius smirked before sliding the metal ruler down the ridges of the drawer. He shook it a little bit and then put pressure on it, using it as a lever and then the drawer cracked open. Remus opened his eyes surprised and Sirius glanced at him as if he couldn't also believe that it worked.

They slid the drawer all the way open and the smell of dust impregnated the air. Remus began to cough a little bit and his eyes watered. 

"Bloody hell" Sirius cursed, also coughing. When Remus could see clearly again and his chest had calmed down, he grabbed a random newspaper and read the front page. 'Third student goes missing near Hogsmeade, Perth'

The missing kids Sirius mentioned, he recalled.

Under the title, there was a picture of a boy around Remus' age, and beside him a blurry picture of a gated entrance. To anybody else, those gates could be anywhere in the world, but for anyone who had gone to Hogwarts, it was clear that it was the school's gates. Remus looked up at the date of the newspaper: November 2nd, 1974. He scanned over the article quickly, he gathered that the missing boy's name was Xavier Frawley. He was reported missing a couple of days before Halloween, the report said that he disappear one night leaving no trace behind, just taking with him his school backpack and a few of his belongings. 

'It's the third kind that had gone missing near this quiet community in the last two years, police are concerned and point to a possible serial killer on the loose'

Something that he found weird was that there was no mention of Hogwarts anywhere in the article. He looked up at Sirius, very confused, the other boy was looking at a newspaper too, but promptly put it back in the drawer.

"Look at this" Remus showed him the article.

"The missing kids" Sirius opened his eyes.

"You told me that people believed that they disappeared thanks to Livias' course" Remus reminded him "we both know that isn't what happened" he looked at him gravely and Sirius chuckled a bit.

"Nobody knows what actually happened, it's all speculations" he shrugged "I've heard like five different stories from people whose parents studied at Hogwarts in the 70s"

"The police said it could be a serial killer" Remus added, looking at the article.

"Yeah, I've heard that too" Sirius nodded "whatever it was, they never found them," he told him.

"But...why is nobody talking about this? Does everybody knows?" he asked, that was something that should've been in the news, something that could close Hogwarts Academy down forever, but it was like it never existed.

He hadn't heard about Hogwarts before Mrs. Hernandez had told him he was going there, but he didn't think she would send him to a place where children disappeared mysteriously, nobody would, for that matters.

"It happened 20 years ago and they did all they could," Sirius shrugged "most people here stay quiet about things like this" he rolled his eyes "it's better to act as if nothing bad happens at Hogwarts, I guess" his commented had come out as if it was something he already had said before multiple times.

"That's fucked" he muttered thinking how somebody could just erase something like that.

"Yeah, but, it's just what adults do" Sirius sighed "what all of our parents do" he corrected and Remus thought that the boy wasn't talking completely about the missing kids, but didn't want to push anything. 

It didn't sit right with him that the people at Hogwarts had chosen to hide that story. He guessed that's why that newspaper was on the 'confidential' side. But why? Why hide it? Why act as if it didn't happen? Wouldn't the family of those kids want the truth? Why just give up? 

He put the newspaper back and grabbed another one. It said something similar to the last, but it was from 1973. Eddie Cabot was the name of the first kid missing. He had been only 13 years old. It made Remus nauseous thinking about it. What could've happened to that poor kid? He read that article and something caught his attention. In one part of the report, there had been an interview with one of the personnel from the school -not mentioning which one- but the name of the interviewed gave it away immediately, Irma Pince. Remus almost choked reading what the old Librarian had said: 'We are all really worried about Eddie, we just hope it's not a situation like Olivia Robinson's two decades ago'.

Olivia Robinson. Olivia? As in Livia? Livia Noir? But the name also sounded awfully familiar for another reason, Remus didn't know why.

"Look at this" he showed Sirius the paper immediately and pointed at what Pince had said. Sirius' grey eyes opened wider than Remus had ever seen before, his lips slightly parted as he read.

"What? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sirius glanced at him and Remus nodded.

"Livia Noir" he swallowed and Sirius went back to the article as if he couldn't believe what he was reading.

"Could it be? I mean, it all adds up, Olivia-Livia, back in the 50s..." Sirius shrugged and it suddenly hit Remus. He remembered where he had seen that name.

It had been almost two months ago, in that same Library, but he and Sirius had spent hours sorting old books and wanting to kill each other. 

"Remember back in October, when we had detention here," Remus said and Sirius frowned.

"What that has to do with...?"

"The book that didn't have Hogwarts' imprint, the one that I gave Pince" he interrupted, his mind going a thousand kilometers an hour "it had a name on the front page. It was O.M. Robinson" he explained and Sirius' brows went up.

"It was Livias' " he blurted out "so it's real then" he breathed.

"I guess so" Remus pulled his brows together. His mind was a mess. In the last month, the story of Livia Noir had passed from a stupid horror legend to something perhaps true, to a silly prank, and now to a reality of the past. 

"We have to talk with Pince" Remus urged "ask her what happened" he felt like nothing of it was real, like he was dreaming.

"I don't know if she'll talk," Sirius said, unsure.

"We have to try" Remus shrugged and Sirius nodded, resigning "I'll ask her for the book too, it had some things written on it" he added.

"We should take this, show James and Pete" Sirius grabbed the newspaper with Eddie Cabot's story and closed the drawer.

They cleaned up as quickly as they could, and after gathering all of their things they ran up to the Library. They went to the front desk and there she was, the old librarian looking at some books piled in front of her. Remus shared a look with Sirius before the older boy cleared his throat before the woman.

"Uhm, Mrs. Pince" Remus began and the woman slid her green eyes off the page and into Remus "we have a question to ask"

"For a History project," Sirius added and Remus nodded. The woman raised her thing eyebrows and placed both of her hands on her desk.

"Tell me," she said.

"We were wondering...what happened to Olivia Robinson?" the second Remus said the girl's name out loud something changed in Pince's expression, it was subtle but Remus could tell. Something that told him that the name had brought unwanted memories to the woman. 

"How do you...how do you know that name?" she asked, her voice a lot weaker and high pitched.

"Professor Binns told us" Sirius interfered, urgently, the woman switched her eyes to him. Her lips opened and eyes wide "he told us to not tell anyone about this, but we wanted to know more but he didn't want to tell us" he lied. He lied well, the words coming naturally out of his mouth.

"I-I'm not supposed to talk about it, you shouldn't be talking about that either" she confessed, voice breaking. Sirius glanced at Remus as if saying 'I told you'.

But he really wanted to know.

"Alright...we won't use it in our History project," Remus said "and we won't tell anyone you told us, Mrs. Pince, it's just that we're really interested in what happened" Sirius nodded agreeing with what Remus was saying.

"Besides, it's something that doesn't matter anymore, right? It happened 4 decades ago" Sirius tried to convince her "Please, Mrs. Pince? Please?" his eyes were wide like those of a puppy, and his lips slightly pouted. Remus thought he looked like a little child begging for something, but it apparently worked, since Pince's expression softened a little and then she sighed.

"Alright, I guess if Binns already told you some of it..." she muttered and looked at her sides checking nobody else was listening.

"I remember some of it, it happened in the '56 when I started working here at Hogwarts" she started explaining, her sight lost on something "I didn't know her very well, see, hundreds of students come and go to the Library every day" she chuckled weakly "but...she was a strange case..." she nodded slowly "one night she just disappeared, she just left with no trace" she shrugged and Remus recalled the two boys in the 70s that did the same "everyone at Hogwarts went crazy looking for her, they searched the forest day and night, but one day they found a note along her belongings...a suicide note" her voice quivered "it was tragic, she was such a troubled soul" she shook her head and Remus felt heavy, "we think that she drowned herself on the river near here" her eyes were glossy.

"The river?" Sirius asked, pulling Remus and Mrs. Pince out of their trances.

"Yes, the river" Pince nodded, bowing her head "they never found her body but, the note indicated everything we needed to know" Remus glanced at Sirius and he looked back at him, probably thinking the same as him.

"Thanks, Mrs. Pince" Sirius smiled softly at her and she nodded again.

"Is that everything you boys needed?" she said, back to her usual strict tone. Remus wanted to ask her about what he knew about the other missing kids but it wasn't probably correct. 

"Uh, Mrs. Pince, do you still have the unmarked book that I gave you when we had detention here?" Remus asked, hoping she would remember.

"Oh" she raised her eyebrows "uh, I knew you'll be asking about it... see, I gave it to Dumbledore, I didn't think it was correct for it to be laying around here" she put her hands together and Remus felt the disappointment growing on him.

"Right. Thanks, anyways" Remus nodded.

"You're, welcome boys" she sighed deeply "now if you excuse me, I have much to do here" she signed the books in front of her and they nodded, walking away from the desk and out of the Library.

"It's real, it's fucking real" Sirius blurted as they walked out of the school.

"It...it's horrible," Remus said, thinking about everything they had found out.

So the legend was real, sort of. Livia had existed, but her name was actually Olivia Robinson, she hadn't killed herself in the chapel but supposedly on a river nearby, even though they never found her body. It just didn't add up in Remus' head. With all of the other missing kids, that couldn't be a coincidence, right? They were 20 years apart from each other, but still, it was rare that many people disappeared at Hogwarts.

They kept silent all the way to Lion, probably both thinking about Olivia and what had happened. They went to the third floor and before entering their room Sirius opened the door of Room C-11 and called for the other two boys. James and Peter came into their room seconds later, with big smiles that fell off their faces when they saw Remus and Sirius' expressions.

"What happened?" James asked, worried.

"We need to show you something," Sirius said, as he took out the stolen newspaper and handed it to James. He explained everything they had found out in the last half hour. Remus kept silent and sat on his bed, still in shock.

"So, wait, wait, wait" James put a hand in front of Sirius, stopping him "it's true then? She was a real person" Sirius nodded.

"Remus even found a book that belonged to her," Sirius said and James and Peter looked at him surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah, and it had some stuff written on it" Remus shrugged.

"Do you have it?" Peter asked interested.

"No, Pince gave it to Dumbledore" he sighed "it's all a little bit dodgy" he commented and James tilted his head.

"Why?"

"It's much of a coincidence that she disappeared in the same manner as all those other kids in the 70s, and her things still laying around after 40 years" Remus reasoned "it's weird"

"Oh, yeah, right, I remember hearing about that," James said.

"It happened in two different decades" Peter pointed out.

"And Pince did mention a suicide note" Sirius added.

"Yeah, I know, but something tells me that's not all" he shook his head "I just feel it? I don't know how to explain it"

"Wolf's instinct?" Sirius joked and Remus glanced his way.

"You said that the book you found had things written on it?" James recalled and Remus nodded "maybe there's something written on it that can tell us about what happened" he suggested and Remus raised his eyebrows, it could be possible, but there was still a problem...

"Dumbledore has it" he reminded the boy.

"We can deal with that" James smirked and Sirius grinned all the way.

"What are you saying, Prongs?" Sirius said but by his face, Remus could tell he already know what James was thinking.

"I say, we plan a heist" James smirked.

Chapter Text

But please don't put your life in the hands
Of a rock and roll band
Who'll throw it all away
-Don't Look Back In Anger, Oasis 

November 24th, 1995

They had greatly underestimated how hard it would be to enter Dumbledore's office. They had spent the last couple of days trying to come up with a plan, but after the initial excitement had drowned out and they started to see the issues with each idea they had, they had started to feel a little discourage.

First, they had thought to simply sneak in one night and enter the Headmaster's office with Remus' pick-locking skills, but Sirius told them that Dumbledore's office had a special alarm (he knew it, he'd been there various times), that even if Remus could open the door, all the teachers on the school would probably be there in less than a minute. So entering through the school was also scratched from the plan.

Then James suggested they disarm the alarm since Peter knew some things about hacking, at this, the shorter boy made a horrified face and said:

"Prongs, thanks for your faith in me but I only know how to hack certain things in a computer, not an entire security system"

"We have to enter when the alarm is disarmed when they are still there" Sirius stated another night when they were all in Room C-12, and Remus looked at him like he was crazy because he was for proposing something like that.

"What, we just walk and ask nicely if he could give us the book?" he questioned, sarcastically.

"That maybe could work" Peter shrugged, pointing at Remus.

"Please" Sirius scoffed, crossing his arms "a story like that? Dumbledore would want to bury it deep, he won't give us the book that easily" he commented and Remus thought again that there was something that Sirius knew that they -or at least Remus- didn't know.

"We'll have to take the book while he's there..." James concluded, a little bit disappointed, as they all were. The last time they were planning something ideas came as easy as breathing, now they had only one and it was almost impossible.

That Friday at breakfast they were going over the ideas again, they figured that Remus should be the one to enter Dumbledore's office, he could say it was something about his scholarship, and the headmaster would probably trust him more than James, Sirius, or Peter, anyways. They had also landed on the fact that they needed a distraction to get Dumbledore out of his office or at least get him occupied while Remus grabbed the book. What distraction may they use was unclear, it appeared that the headmaster didn't move from his office unless it was really necessary.

"We should ring the fire alarm" James suggested and Sirius hummed.

"We've done that before, Dumbledore doesn't move unless he knows it's real," Sirius shook his head and then widened his eyes "we should light something on fire and ring the alarm, that should buy us some minutes!" Sirius said with a laugh and Remus opened his eyes.

"No" he blurted out immediately "not again" he looked at Sirius.

One thing was trespassing and stealing, the other was setting something on fire. Arson is where Remus drew the line.

"So fire is ruled out then," James said eyeing them both "we have to think about something that will give Remus time" he poke his forehead with the back of his fork as he thought. The bell rang and they all huffed, not wanting to go to classes.

"Let's go, we have English" James announced as the four of them stood up, grabbing the trays and their backpacks. They walked to the classroom and Remus separated from the boys to sit beside Lily. As he approached the redhead he noticed that she looked different, her green eyes lost over something on the floor and her face void of all happiness.

"Hey," he said as he sat beside her.

"Hey," she said faintly, without making much effort to look at Remus. He turned his head and glanced at Mary and Marlene, the two girls were also staring a Lily with worried faces. Remus raised his eyebrows, asking them what happened but the other two just pressed their lips and shook their heads. That didn't give Remus an answer.

"Are you alright?" he asked, taking out his things.

"Yeah" she muttered, nodding slightly, waking up from her trance. She started to take her things out too, but Remus wasn't satisfied with the answer she had given him.

Remus eyed Lily worriedly the entire first hour of English, the girl still had that sad face on her and wasn't paying attention to the class, which was a clear indicator that something was severely wrong.

"'Uh...wanna talk?" Remus asked in a low voice, only for Lily to hear. She sighed deeply and moved her tired eyes to him.

"Ok" she nodded softly "let's do it at Lunch" he nodded, returning to his notes but still watching her carefully here and then.

At Lunch time, they walked out to one of the school patios and sat on a bench. It was a cloudy day, with a cold breeze and grey skies that threatened to burst rain at any moment, matching the girl's mood.

"What happened?" he asked and the girl stayed silent for a couple of seconds before speaking.

"I think I've never told you, but I have an older sister" Lily started and Remus raised his eyebrows, she, in fact, hadn't told him and she had never mentioned her before so it was impossible to Remus to know that.

"I didn't know"

"It's kinda hard for me to talk about her, so I don't do it that often" she shrugged and paused for a moment, looking for the right words to use.

"Her name is Petunia, Tuney, I call her. We used to be close when we were younger, used to do everything together..." she smiled with a tint of sadness on it "one day, when I was around 10, Tuney came home talking about Hogwarts. She had heard about it from a friend of hers. This great school, the best in the whole UK, supposedly. It quickly became her dream school. Our parents couldn't pay for it, but Tuney wanted to come here so badly and I did everything she did so I wanted to come too. So we both applied for scholarships..." she bowed her head and Remus opened his eyes, guessing what had happened.

"And only you got in" he finished and she nodded slowly.

"I told her I wouldn't go without her but my parents insisted I did, that it was the opportunity of a lifetime" she started talking quicker "and it didn't sit well with Tuney, of course. She stopped talking with me and started to treat me as if I was rubbish" her voice broke a little, she made a pause and cleared her throat "it happened years ago, but she's still mad at me, I've tried everything to fix things with her, but she simply won't budge" Remus frowned.

"But that's not your fault," he stated and she shrugged.

"That's what Mary and Marlene always tell me, but Tuney doesn't believe that..." Lily sighed "there was a time when I even apologized to her, even though I had nothing to apologize for, but I just wanted my sister back, so I did it...it obviously didn't work." she pressed her lips together "And last night my parents called me, you know, just to check on me and see if I'm doing ok" she smiled weakly "and I don't know why but I asked for Tuney...to talk to her. I haven't heard her voice since August. But she didn't want to even hear my name" she chuckled bitterly and sighed again, her breath quivering.

"I'm just so tired of it, Remus, I don't know what to do so she has me back," she said in a small voice, a voice that broke Remus' heart "I miss her, I miss who we were" she closed her eyes and he saw a small tear fall out from her eye.

He didn't know what to say, he wasn't good with those types of conversations, he didn't understand what she was feeling either, hell he didn't even have parents, much less siblings. And he usually just comforted himself in situations like these. He only thought about doing one thing. Mr. Hernandez had done it once, years ago, and it had worked to make Remus feel better, maybe it could do the same to Lily.

He put his hand over her shoulder and then pulled her into an embrace, wrapping his arms around her and letting her take to shield on his chest. He let her cry on him, letting out all of those feelings she clearly had been holding.

When she pulled away her eyes and nose were red and puffy, and her hair was a mess. She sniffed, while fixing her hair, and then dried the tears with the sleeve of her jacket. She glanced at his chest and a small chuckle came out of her lips.

"Oh, god, I wetted your shirt" she pointed out. Remus looked down and saw a few wet marks on his white shirt, he chuckled and looked up at her.

"Don't worry, it'll dry" he shrugged with a small smile. She sighed and her small fade a little.

"Thanks, Remus, and sorry for your shirt" she breathed and Remus put his hand over hers.

"There's nothin' to apologize for" he squeezed her hand. She smiled at him and looked at the entrance to the castle.

"Should we go now?" she suggested.

"If you want to" she nodded and they walked into the school.

When they got to the Dining Hall, Mary, and Marlene looked at Lily with concern, but Lily smiled warmly at them and Remus noticed how that relaxed them.

When the bell rang, Remus walked with Lily to her class and after dropping her off he went to the History classroom, he knew he was a little bit late, but he hoped that Binns hadn't arrived yet.

When he was finally outside the classroom he saw two figures kissing against the wall near the door. He noticed the raven hair on the boy and the long blond ponytail on the girl. He was going to say something but Binns appeared in the hallway, taking the words out of his mouth.

"This is a school, not a motel, Mr. Black, Miss Grimshaw; please enter the classroom" he scolded, wearing a heavy frown on his face "and Mr. Lupin why are you not inside yet?" he turned to him the other two finally realizing his presence.

"Was about to do so," he said between teeth and got inside the room, Sirius and Dalia following him and lastly Professor Binns.

When he and Sirius sat down at their table he noticed the messy black hair on the boy. He preferred to keep his comments to himself but he didn't know how he could shamelessly portray that kind of affection in a public space. He wasn't a prude, public displays of affection just made him uncomfortable.

"Hey, Remus" Sirius called him with a low voice while Binns talked at the front. He turned his head at the other boy and saw the little smile on his red lips "today it's your first French class with moi" Remus frowned.

"What?"

"Yeap, we'll go after classes" he winked at him and turned his head to the Professor. Remus sighed and put his attention on the front again. French tutoring wasn't on his itinerary, but he guessed that Sirius Black didn't follow any itinerary whatsoever.

That's how he ended up following Sirius after History through the ground floor of the school. They got to the Music classroom and Sirius opened the door revealing an empty space, only with the instruments and some chairs around. Remus frowned, entering after Sirius.

"Why are we doing here?" he questioned scanning the place.

"This will be our new French classroom" he opened his arms, grinning, and Remus raised his eyebrows, following Sirius to where the grand piano was.

"The Music classroom? Are we allowed to be in here?" he questioned and Sirius snorted.

"As if you care about what's allowed,"

Good point.

"There are other options y'know? The Library, Lion's Common Room, bloody hell even our bedroom..." Remus scoffed, arguing with the boy but putting his things on a chair already.

"Maybe, but this is the place that I choose, and I'm the one teaching the class" Sirius pointed at himself with a smug smile and Remus rolled his eyes at this "now, sit down and listen closely, Mr. Lupin, I don't want distracted tossers in my class" he continued using a voice that was similar to Binns'. Remus almost laughed at it but instead choose to send an annoyed look at Sirius.

"You, wanker" he mumbled and Sirius threw his stuff beside the piano before sitting down on the bench.

"Avec moi, vous apprendrez la belle langue qu'est le français" Sirius said with a cheeky grin.

"I know a few phrases, not..."

"Eh! Seul français parlé ici" Sirius interrupted him and he sighed, wanting to choke the other boy who insisted that they only spoke French.

"Très bien" he grunted and Sirius grinned pleased.

They spent the next hours only talking in French, or rather Sirius speaking fluently and Remus struggling to keep up with his less-than-basic knowledge of the language. He felt defeated, almost embarrassed even, he couldn't even form complete sentences correctly. He had to admit, Sirius' tutoring was helping him understand things that he didn't with D'Vaux, he had underestimated the boy greatly and now felt a little bit ashamed of that. Sirius also didn't say anything about his lack of knowledge of French. This had surprised Remus, no snarky comments or jokes about his accent or the fact that he was probably butchering the whole French language, and if the French could hear him at that moment they would probably get his head.

"Well, I think we're finished for today" Sirius clapped his hands together and Remus almost jumped from excitement. It was nice to hear the other boy's voice in English, he couldn't lie. His brain felt like an old sponge, tired of sucking all the information and at the brink of crumbling apart. He was as exhausted as if he had been put to Victoria's track training.

"Thank god" he threw himself on the chair beside the piano and looked to the ceiling. Then, he heard a couple of notes coming from the piano, he looked down again and saw Sirius turn around on the instrument.

"You know how to play it?" he said. It wasn't a question truly, he already knew Sirius could play, he had heard it, he just wanted to bring the topic up in a way that didn't seem like he had been spying on him.

"Yes, since I was about 4 or something like that" he shrugged and play a small tune with one of his hands.

"'Course you do" he snorted, shaking his head. It didn't surprise him. It was a 'posh-thing'. Rich parents usually made their little kids play some pretentious instrument like the piano or the violin just to say they knew to play.

"Play something" he suggested, his voice coming out harsher than he wanted.

"Like what?" Sirius turned his head slightly at him.

"Anything" he shrugged. Sirius held his hands over the piano for a moment, waving his fingers slowly as if trying to decide which note to play first.

He pressed one note, and the sound lingered, echoing on the white walls of the room. Then he put both of his hands on the ivories and started playing.

"It's a god-awful small affair" he sang along, Remus recognized the song immediately, even if Sirius was playing it slower than what it was initially "to the 'boy' with the mousy hair" he glanced at Remus pointedly, making the change of the lyrics obvious "but his mummy is yelling no! And his daddy has told him to go..."

He continued the song, his hands moving swiftly over the piano, his fingers didn't hesitate or tremble over what note to play next, it was like they had been trained to do that exact movement and it was just muscle memory now. Sirius and the piano were one and the same at that moment and his voice went along perfectly with the tune of the keys.

"Sailors fighting in the dance hall. Oh man, look at those cavemen go...It's the freakiest show" he played more intensively, his voice stronger than before while he had his eyes closed, feeling every note and every word "Take a look at the lawman beating up the wrong guy. Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know...he's in the best-selling show. Is there life on Mars?" Remus watched the other boy amused.

He had heard Sirius sing before, he did it every time he was showering late at night or when he was playing music loudly on his record player, he already knew that he had a great voice. But at that moment, with him singing Bowie's words, he realized that maybe all those previous times Sirius hadn't even tried to sound good.

His real voice was different, it was the one Remus was hearing now. His voice was powerful and full of life. It wrapped around Remus' ears making him feel high and giddy like he was on drugs. Those rewarding signals went off making his brain tingle. His stomach caved in like he was about to make a big jump, and a shudder ran along his spine sending goosebumps to his skin"

He didn't know how the boy could even sing like that, for Remus it was almost impossible for a normal person to be able to do that. Those types of voices belonged on the radio or vinyl, like Bowie's or Mercury's. They felt unreachable to the average person. But then, as much Remus hated to compliment him, Sirius Black was not average at all.

Remus' cheeks went hot when he caught himself thinking about it. How embarrassing to think about the guy like that, he didn't even like him that much to be doing that but he was truly amazed by Sirius' singing. Of course, he wouldn't tell the boy that, his ego would probably just explode and Remus had to keep his dignity in check, even if he secretly wanted to ask Sirius to sing another song and then another and then another...

When he finished the song Remus had to pick up his jaw off the floor before Sirius opened his grey eyes again.

"What d'you think?" he said with a simple smirk as if he hadn't just sung with one of the most incredible voices Remus had heard. And he probably already knew that too, people surely had told him that before.

"It's good" he smiled and nodded.

What the hell was he supposed to say anyways? It had been good. More than good, in fact, but he would rather choke than say those words out loud to Sirius.

"Cheers," Sirius grinned and closed the piano "we should go now" he added and Remus nodded, wanting to escape that room. It suddenly felt too overwhelming in there.

They grabbed their stuff and walked out, the sun had already set and the stars were high in the sky. He took the opportunity of an empty path and grabbed his box of Malboros, taking out a cigarette.

"Would you give me one?" Sirius asked, smiling innocently at him and Remus sighed deeply before giving him a fag "thanks" Remus lit up his first and then passed the lighter to Sirius.

They had stopped beside the path to Godric's Campus, it was empty, the students probably eating dinner down on the castle, and the sound of cicadas and crickets filled the chilly night.

"Where did you learn how to play?" Remus questioned, taking a drag from his cigarette. Where the hell did you learn to sing like that? he wanted to ask really.

"My house" he responded simply, dragging from his fag and then letting the smoke out "mother made us learn how to play classical music" he shrugged. His expression was unreadable now "we actually learned everything there, I was homeschooled until I turned 11" he glanced at him "mother used to hire the best tutors around the world to teach us" Remus snorted.

"You're a walking cliché, Black" Remus commented shaking his head and dragging again. Sirius raised his eyebrows with a smile and looked at him with curiosity.

"Why?"

"You know Latin, you know how to play piano, you had fucking tutors go to your home..." he numbered "it's a fucking posh cliché, I wouldn't be surprised if you know how to waltz" he joked and Sirius looked at him with a suggestive smile as he dragged from his fag. Remus' mouth opened completely with amusement "Shut up. You do know how to waltz?" he laughed.

"As you said, a fucking posh-cliché" Sirius nodded, chuckling "Is not that hard, want me to teach ya'?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Please" Remus scoffed, letting smoke come out "I rather die than do some ridiculous thing like that" he shook his head "as if I could wear one of those tailcoats and tall hats..."

"You want a monocle and a cane with that too, Monopoly Man?" Sirius joked and Remus rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"Right, I'm not the one who knows how to waltz here" he fought back and looked up to the sky, something clearly was missing from it now that it was a new moon. He gazed back down and saw Sirius staring at him with curiosity.

"What?" Remus asked with a frown.

"Why d'you always do that?" Sirius questioned.

"Do what?"

"Look at the sky when it's nighttime," Sirius said "you do that a lot, I've noticed" Remus cursed the other boy's apparent observation skills, now he couldn't even look at the moon in peace.

Remus went to one specific night almost 10 years ago. He was alone with Mrs. Hernandez in her office, sitting on that peeling chair in front of her desk, his feet didn't reach the floor back then. He was nervous and had been crying for the past hour. He had gotten through so much that last month. Losing his parents, being in the hospital for weeks, the funeral, and arriving to a completely new city. He remembered of terrified he had been, feeling no hope and happiness, and just wanting to disappear.

Mrs. Hernandez had noticed him weeping. Then she was around her 20s and looked like one of those girls on television with up-to-date clothes and hairstyles. She had asked him a lot of questions -routine questions as always- but Remus hadn't answered any of them, he vaguely remembered anything, and if he did he didn't have the energy to talk or to answer the same questions he had heard from different adults in the past weeks. Then, Mrs. Hernandez had walked around her desk and crouched beside him, she looked at him with warm brown eyes and asked him how he felt. Nobody had asked him that yet, they had asked his name, his age if he remembered anything...but not how he felt about it all. That was new.

Scared, he had said. It was the only way to explain it. How could a 5-year-old explain how he felt after losing his mum and dad? She smiled softly and asked him to follow her outside her office, to the small balcony on that floor. When they were outside she pointed to the moon and said that if he ever felt scared or alone he could talk to the moon, that the moon listened to all of our problems always.

To 5-year-old Remus that had been the revelation of his lifetime, no matter how bad the day had been or how shitty he felt, at night he could talk to the moon; and even if it sometimes disappear he knew that it was just momentarily, that it would be back soon and Remus could vent all of his feelings and problems to it.

"Somebody told me when I was little that if you talked to the moon it will listen to all your problems," he told Sirius, not really knowing why, "it's kinda silly, but it worked with me when I was younger, 'guess the habit stuck" Sirius smiled softly.

"I don't think it's silly really" the other boy admitted, dragging and Remus raised his eyebrows "y'know? To have something looking after you, it's better than nothing. It's rather comforting I say" he shrugged.

"I gather you're not religious, then?" Remus questioned, he knew it wasn't his place to dig into Sirius' life and beliefs, but the words had come out on their own.

"No" Sirius chuckled shaking his head "used to be, but I retired from that life long ago" he pressed his lips together in a bitter smirk.

Remus wondered who Sirius Black was really, it seemed like every day he learned something about him and it still wasn't the whole picture. His grey eyes had a lot of mystery behind them like he had lived a lifetime of things already, more than him, and Remus had lived too much to tell.

"My parents wer- are Jewish," he said almost revealing his lie. He remembered a few memories from his early childhood, most of them blurry but he did remember some of their last Hannukha together, that last December when his parents were still alive.

"I also stopped believing in anything" he shrugged too.

"Except for the moon," Sirius pointed out with a smile.

"Except for the moon," Remus repeated with a faint smirk and dragged from his cigarette, feeling heavy on his chest. Remembering everything as the fatal date was around the corner only made the pain worse.

"Wanna know something?" Sirius wondered with a playful tone and Remus raised his eyebrows expectantly "look at the sky" he got closer to Remus and pointed up, both of them now watching the starry black mass over them.

"See Orion's belt?" Sirius pointed to the three stars lined up one beside the other and Remus nodded "down there, that star..." Sirius pointed to a bright star diagonally from Orion's belt "wanna know its name?" he questioned and Remus hummed a little bit impatient "Sirius" he said and Remus glanced down at the boy.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, the brightest star in the night sky" he smiled proudly, Remus could almost laugh, he didn't know if Sirius was taking the piss or not.

"You're named after a star?" Remus couldn't believe it, of course, the boy who was always the center of attention, who never shut up and went by his own rules was named after the brightest fucking star in the night sky, it was all too on the nose.

But who was he to judge? His name was basically 'werewolf'. At least their names were unique, that was certain.

"Almost all of the Black family is named after a star or a constellation" Sirius explained rolling his eyes.

"Oh, that's the most pretentious thing I've ever heard" Remus laughed "and I hear you talk daily" Sirius shoved him lightly.

"Yeah, well, I didn't choose my name y'know" he pointed out.

"If you had chosen it, surely you would have picked something pretentious anyway" Remus teased and Sirius nodded.

"Fair, but I would've chosen something different, maybe like a god from mythology" he opened his eyes with a wide smile "like Zeus or Jupiter..." Remus rolled his eyes, of course, the god Sirius Black "Sirius is part of the Canis Major constellation also known as the greater dog. Dog like Padfoot, funny, right?" he added and Remus chuckled, slightly surprised by the other boy.

"Those posh tutors did a great job with ya' " Remus joked "you know a lot about a lot of things," he said, trying that it didn't sound like a compliment.

"Not 'bout things that matter" Sirius shrugged, dragging from the fag and then looking up at the sky, probably admiring his star version.

"And what matters?" Remus wondered, dragging from his cigarette.

"To me?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, still watching the night sky "well...music for an instance" he looked at Remus.

"You know a lot about that too" Remus reminded him.

"Yeah, but not as I'd like to. I was taught all my life about these trivial things, useless things, things that would prepare me to be the perfect heir for the House of Black" he scoffed and dragged again, after blowing the smoke out he added "I don't want to be that, see"

"And who do you want to be?" Remus asked, noticing how deep that conversation had gone.

They never talked about things like that, they barely talk about anything else than music or pranks or school. It was weird to get a conversation of that sort with Sirius Black. He made a mental note to check those Malboros after that, probably they were laced with weed or something.

"A singer..." Sirius smiled "a rockstar, really. Something like Bowie or Hendrix" he kept grinning as he looked up. Remus thought that he could probably do that easily.

He had the voice -and girls would say the looks too- what more could he ask?

"And why not be that?" Remus pushed and Sirius snorted, shaking his head as if Remus had just asked something really stupid.

"It's complicated, the Blacks won't let me be anything if not the next head of the company" he shrugged with a bitter smile.

Remus let a frown slip on his face. When did Sirius comply with anything that any form of authority said? Remus wanted to ask why, ask him more about his family, but he heard voices coming up from the castle. Dinner was probably over. They looked down and saw the people coming up to Godric's Campus.

"It's getting cold" Remus mentioned, waking up from whatever trance they had been.

"Yeah, let's go to Lion" Sirius agreed and they left that strange conversation right there between the ashes of their cigarettes.

November 25th, 1995

Remus didn't believe in karma, he didn't believe that retaliation would come your way because there was some higher rule in the universe that said so. You receive what you give, and all that. If that were true Remus wouldn't have suffered that much when he was younger.

But he knew that sometimes your actions bit you back when least expected. Newton had said it better in his third law: 'For every action, there was an equal and opposite reaction'.

And that Saturday evening was reaction time.

The four boys were hanging out together in Remus and Sirius' room, listening to The Kinks at James' request. They were clammed on Sirius' bed, playing a card game that Peter taught them and Remus was beginning to think that the boy had left out some essential tricks for himself since he kept winning every round.

"Oh, that's not fair!" Sirius yelled when Peter won, again.

Remus shook his head and left the cards in the middle, some shouts were heard outside, down in the garden but Remus thought nothing about it, it was Saturday after all. Peter gathered them all to shuffle the deck and deal them again while the others waited patiently, James singing along with The Kinks excitedly.

"You and me we're free" James pointed at Sirius while bobbing his head, the other boy smiled and joined.

"We do as we please, yeah" they sang together "from morning, 'till the end of the day"

Suddenly, a pair of objects flew from the window into the floor of the room and a big cloud of smoke started filling the entire space. It spread so quickly that it barely gave them time to understand what was happening.

They started coughing and covering their eyes and noses. It was hard to breathe and Remus eyes weren't working, filled with tears and blurring his vision. They jumped out of Sirius' bed and ran to the door, opening it and choking on the smoke. They ran down the hallway, Remus felt like his lungs were failing, they screamed for air, and it was hard to see where he was going, so he hit a wall on his way.

"C'mon" Sirius yelled at him, coughing, and grabbed his arm, pulling him down the stairs to the Common Room. When they were down Remus felt the first few breaths of fresh air coming into his lung, but it wasn't enough, he still felt suffocated. He walked to the front door and exited Lion, his lungs still contracting from the smoke. The other three boys followed him and went outside breathing in deeply and coughing still.

When Remus' vision cleared out and his lungs were more stable he noticed the crowd on the side of the entrance. A group of Slytherin boys were laughing and looking at them as if they were expositions at a circus. He saw some of them carrying small cylinders in their hands, like the ones that had got into their room.

"That's for messing with the wrong house" Malfoy yelled with a vicious smile and the other boys around him hooted, agreeing with him. Remus realized what was happening. The only boys at Lion suffering from their improvised smoke bombs were the four of them. It was a targeted prank, it was revenge.

For every action, there was an equal and opposite reaction.

"Shut up, Malfoy" James yelled back with a grunt joined then by a series of coughs.

"Uh, someone needs to take some syrup," another boy said. Remus remembered who he was from the game, Lestrange, his jersey said on the back.

"You talk too much for someone who lost against Gryffindor, Rabastan," Sirius said, coming down the stairs and walking to the group of boys. Remus thought it was a stupid move but he still followed Sirius, and Peter and James did the same.

"Don't get it mixed, Black, one of your goals was your own theatrical back there" Lestrange added taking a step at Sirius threateningly. Remus didn't know if it was 'street instinct' or because the perfect opportunity for a fight had presented itself at him, but he stepped forward, getting beside Sirius.

"Ooh" Avery cackled with his horrible laugh "Lupin the stray has come to fight too" he taunted and Remus clenched his jaw and fists.

"Fuck off, Avery" he raised his chin, towering over the other boy, but this time, with the company of the other 20 or something, he didn't seem afraid.

"Thought that you four would get away with that shit you did?" Avery questioned "you son of bitches don't know who you dealing with" he push his index into Remus' chest and he brushed it off immediately, feeling how his heartbeat was quickly increasing.

"And you?" Sirius suddenly yelled, Remus, turned his head at him and saw he was talking to someone back in the crowd "Said you didn't care for pranks and sports teams, uh?" he said, bitterly, Remus couldn't see who he was addressing, but it sparked more tension between the two groups.

"Don't talk to him like that" Lestrange pushed Sirius back "you might be brothers but he's one of us" he hissed and Remus thought that fire might come out of Sirius' eyes.

"Don't fucking touch me again" Sirius pushed the older boy and immediately Lestrange pushed him back.

"He said not to touch him" Remus pushed Lestrange, his rage starting up inside of him, he felt like he might lose control any time now.

Blood was running through his body fastly and painfully loud, filling his ears with the rumbling sound of his heart and making his head light and dizzy; his fist trembled from all the force he was fighting back and he just wanted to hurt the boys standing in front of them. He wanted to hit something really bad.

"Stay back, Lupin" Avery pushed him and Remus used all of his willpower to hold himself together "defending your new boyfriend I see" Avery joked with a nasty smile.

Remus thought about Newton's third law. He thought about the mess that would implicate him punching Avery. There were about 20 Slytherins and only four of them -and Remus didn't think Peter was one for throwing a punch, so really they were only three-, so the odds weren't in their favor. He knew that punching him may get him in more trouble and perhaps lose the scholarship. He had to hold on, even if the fire inside him was starting to ache to let loose.

"What happened, Lupin? Why so quiet all of the sudden?" Avery said, stepping near him "I said step back" Avery pushed him hard, making him fall on the floor.

Oh, that was it.

Fuck Newton. Fuck Karma. Fuck the odds. And especially, fuck Avery.

He stood up quickly and without thinking it further he punched Avery right in the face. The initial reaction had been of shock, joined with gasps and surprised eyes between the two groups; but then it was simply a chain reaction. Dominos falling, if you will.

Lestrange tried to hit Remus but Sirius got in the way, punching the older boy in the nose first. On his side, Mulciber swung at Remus, hitting him in the eye and his head vibrated like a bong. He crouched in pain, hands on his knees and eyes shut.

That was going to leave a mark, for sure.

James then joined, hitting Malfoy for punching Sirius in the face, and Remus even saw for a split second Peter running at the mess with his shoes in his hands. A couple more of the Slytherin boys joined, trying to help their housemates, but the rest just push the other boys forward and yelled at the fight. Remus went back and punched Mulciber back, then received two new punches from Avery. He tasted that sweet familiar metal in his mouth and saw red immediately.

Action.

Remus grabbed Avery by the collar of his shirt and slammed him on the floor, some boys tried to push him away, hitting him but Remus just swung his arms blindly at them. He punched Avery once, then twice, then thrice. All his anger flooded out like the blood on Avery's broken nose, he couldn't think right, and he didn't know how to stop, he just felt rage, uncontrollable and burning rage all over his body.

"Remus!" somebody called his name, but he was too worried about beating Avery unconscious to stop himself.

"Remus" they called again. It was a woman. His mom? he thought. No, it couldn't be she was dead.

"Remus" perhaps Mrs. Hernandez. No, she was back in London.

"Remus!" the girl yelled again and Remus snapped his head up.

Lily

She was staring at him with a horrified look in her green eyes that made Remus step back, startled. He looked down at his fist, his knuckles were bleeding, but he knew that most of the blood on his hand wasn't his. His breathing quivered and his heart was almost bursting out of his thorax. He looked at the boy on the ground, afraid it might be now a corpse, but then Avery moved to his side, spitting blood and then falling into his face, groaning.

A whistle sounded in the air and Remus saw Madam Hooch running up the hill, joined by McGonagall, both looked shocked and disgusted by the scene.

"Stop it now! Stop it!" Hooch yelled. Some older boys from Ravenclaw separated Sirius and two Slytherin boys who were still fighting and McGonagall landed her horrified tiny eyes on them.

"All of you, with me right now!" she yelled angrily and started walking to the castle.

And there was the reaction.

They found themselves in the Administration Building waiting for McGonagall to yell at them, once again. Remus didn't talk, he couldn't shake the look Lily had given him. She was probably absolutely terrified of him, she probably thought he was a monster. And somehow, he was. He hated himself for it, he hated himself for always falling for the same things, for letting his rage take over control; every time he did that nothing good came out of it, and when the rage had passed, it only left dread and disgust for himself.

He didn't even care for the torturous headache he had or the bloody taste that lingered on his lips. He just wanted to find Lily and apologize, say something, even if he didn't know what would he say. He couldn't believe that just a day ago he had been comforting her about her sister and now he probably was a beast before her eyes.

"Bloody hell, I think I chipped a tooth," James said, passing his tongue across his reddish teeth. He had his glasses broken and one part of his lip was bigger and bleeding from a cut.

"I think this is worse than when we beat up Mulciber and Avery last year" Sirius grunted, leaning his head on the wall.

The four didn't look so bad. They probably had many bruises around their body that will appear in some time, but they had substantially won against the Slytherins at the end. Four versus seven and they didn't come out with major injuries, he couldn't say the same about the Snakes since some of them -including Avery of course- had to rush to the infirmary to be taken care of by Madam Pompfrey.

But that won't matter after McGonagall expels him, anyways.

Malfoy and Lestrange came down the stairs with McGonagall behind them, Lestrange's nose was badly swollen and had dried blood around it, it reminded Remus of the time Lily made James' nose bleed, just so much worse. The two Slytherin guys sent death glares at them as they joined their housemates at the other end of the Administration Building.

"Potter, Pettigrew, come with me" McGonagall called them with a grave voice. James and Peter glanced worriedly at them and dragged their feet up the stairs.

Sirius groaned and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The boy had a bad bruise on his cheekbone and a few cuts, one over his left eyebrow, one on his upper lip, and a smaller one on the bridge of his nose.

It won't be so perfect anymore.

He stared at his knuckles and they had open skin on them, small pockets of thick blood forming on the raw cuts. He remembered the sharp feeling on them as he stroke Avery's face and the loss of control over his movements, he only wanted to hurt the other boy; hurt him so much until what he felt inside disappeared.

After a couple of minutes, the two boys came down with McGonagall again, Remus saw James wide-eyed and lips pressed together as if he was holding back something.

"Lupin, Black" the Professor called and they stood up.

"Distraction, distraction" James whispered at them when he walked beside them. Remus frowned and shared a confused look with Sirius as they went upstairs.

Somebody had probably hit James too hard in the head.

When they were on the upper floor, McGonagall took them to the left instead of the right, where her office was. They went up another flight of stairs and Remus started to wonder where they were going. He saw a panicked look on Sirius' face when they stopped before two big doors. Remus didn't have to use his imagination too much to know whose office was.

"Good evening, boys" Dumbledore greeted them when they entered. He had a warm smile on his wrinkled face that unsettled Remus more than if he had been wearing a mad expression "sit, please" he signed at the two large armchairs before his desk.

His office was cluttered with all sorts of strange artifacts that Remus couldn't even tell what they were used for. It had a couple of displaying shelves on one side, and bookshelves and file cabinets on the other; he saw a couple of taxidermy animals around and expensive-looking paintings on the wall. Behind his desk a big tapestry of Hogwarts' coat of arms hung over a marble fireplace and on the corner stood a big telescope that looked outside the window. It was clear the Headmaster had a taste for the extravagant.

"Tell me, what exactly happened?" Dumbledore asked. McGonagall stood beside the door with her hands together looking at them gravely.

"Well, we were just playing a card game in our room" Sirius started "then we went outside and found the Slytherins. They started to bother us so we fought back" he shrugged, clearly leaving out some essential details.

"Fought back as punch one of your Slytherin classmates?" Dumbledore questioned with a soft voice. Remus couldn't read what the man was thinking, his face was calm and sort of amused, not angry or disappointed as it should've been.

"They started to get physical first" Sirius reasoned.

"So the answer is getting physical too, right?" Dumbledore wondered, still with that small grin on his lips.

"Well, we're not gonna stand there and let them beat us," Sirius said with a tint of disdain over his words. Remus had a feeling that the other boy didn't like Dumbledore.

"That's such a Gryffindor thing to say, Mr. Black" Dumbledore chuckled and Sirius pressed his lips together "and you, Mr. Lupin? Could you say that it happened like Mr. Black is telling us?" he turned to Remus. He glanced a Sirius for a split second and then nodded.

The four of them had talked about what they would say, they would exclude the smoke bombs since they could link them with the prank. It was better to leave it as an old rivalry instead of a sick 'prank war'.

"Yeah, exactly like that" he confirmed. Dumbledore hummed and got up from his desk, walking to the window with his hands on his back.

"The Slytherin told us that you, Mr. Mupin, were the one who threw the first punch" Dumbledore declared looking outside, and Remus hissed internally.

"As Sirius said, Sir, they were pushing and I had to defend myself," Remus said, shrugging a little bit. He was never good at talking with adults, especially those with authority.

"I see" Dumbledore hummed again, staring at Remus carefully as if he was inspecting something "you do remember Mr. Lupin that you have the scholarship to take care of?" he said and Remus felt that twinge of shame finally coming in. He was expecting it but it didn't make it much easier.

"Yes...Sir"

"But you seem to get in trouble almost once a month!" Dumbledore chuckled, walking over to the other side of the room "the two of you..." he turned to Sirius now and Remus shared a look with the other boy "Mr. Black I don't think your family would like to know you're getting into trouble again..." Remus saw how Sirius grasped tightly the arms of the chair and clenched his jaw.

"No" he blurted, looking forward, his eyes lost in some spot on the desk.

"Right..." the Headmaster stopped to look at a picture on one of the displays "I know you boys were only influenced by the heat of the moment..." he started "with the game on Wednesday and Gryffindor's victory is normal that some feelings were left unrested and went outside of the field. I'd say is normal for boys to sometimes get carried away, boys will be boys..." he chuckled returning to his desk.

"So, seeing that both parties seem to have an equal fault," he said. Remus wanted to refute that but he kept silent instead "we'll only assign detentions for each of you until the end of this term" he smiled "and we'll try to get along better, always putting a healthy relationship with our classmates first, we are all Hogwarts students," Remus didn't know if he was taking the piss or not, it was incredible that after almost killing one of his students they just walked away with a couple of weeks of detention, or the headmaster was incredible oblivious or there was a hidden reason behind that they didn't know.

"Professor McGonagall will be in charge of assigning your detentions and..."

"Professors, they are fighting again!" one of the secretaries burst into the office, McGonagall looked at Dumbledore with panicked eyes and went out of the room, the Headmaster followed her, leaving Sirius and Remus alone.

Suddenly it hit Remus.

Distraction.

James knew they would be in Dumbledore's office, what they had been trying to do all that time; the only thing that they needed was a distraction, and it seemed like the other two boys found exactly that.

"Is a distraction, to get the book" he told Sirius and he opened his grey eyes.

"Right! Fucking Prongs, I love that lad" he laughed "you search there, I'll look in the shelves" he pointed at the desk, standing up and hurrying to the bookshelves at his right. Remus went behind the Headmaster's desk and started to open every single drawer.

He had found nothing, just paper, and more trinkets. When he opened the last drawer on the left side of the desk he found something that caught his attention. It was something rectangular wrapped in a piece of fabric. He grabbed it carefully and opened the fabric, there was a student photo, one of those that the graduating class took, and under it said 'Class of 1954'.

He frowned. It was the photo missing on the wall outside the Administration Building. But Dumbledore hadn't known that it was missing when Remus had told him back in September, or at least he acted like it. Remus didn't understand why he had taken it down, what was so special about that photo? About that year. It wasn't the year Olivia disappeared, why it mattered that much to the Headmaster to take the photo off the wall and lie about it?

"I found it" Sirius announced taking Remus out of his thoughts "c'mon" hurried the other boy, hiding the book under his jean jacket. Remus put the photo back in its place, making sure to cover it again with the fabric.

They exited Dumbledore's office, Remus' heart beating hard with excitement and fear. They went down the stairs quickly, founding McGonagall scolding James, Peter, and the group of Slyherins. Dumbledore just stood closely with his usual calm composure.

Remus wondered what was the Headmaster hiding. Between what Sirius had told him and that photo on the drawer, the picture Remus had painted of the Professor of just an old, slightly deranged, man had changed completely. It seemed like everything in Hogwarts had secrets, the walls, the professors, the students...

"...and punching each other like some group of wild animals, it's unacceptable!" Remus heard McGonagall reprimand, her face was a little red and her hands were over her hips.

"We're sorry, Professor, it won't happen again," James said with sorry eyes, but when McGonagall looked away a small smile slipped into the boy's lips.

"And I believe it, Mr. Potter" Dumbledore clapped James' shoulder "I know you boys won't do it again, right?" he looked at the group of Slytherins, Malfoy, and Lestrange on the front with lasers eye at them four. McGonagall sighed defeated and added:

"Let's just...let's go with Madam Pomfrey, I'll escort you myself," she said, pursing her lips and signing the Slytherins to walk before her out of the Administration Building.

"Did you get it?" Peter asked in a whisper, they were some steps behind McGonagall. Sirius smiled and took out a little bit of the book from his jacket to show the other two boys. They grinned widely and James high-fived Sirius.

Madam Pomfrey looked alarmed when she saw more bruised and bleeding boys coming to her infirmary, but she still attended every one of them with a care that Remus had never seen on somebody before. They separated them from the Slytherins, putting them in an empty room with two beds. Pomfrey gave them ice packs and told them to wait for her there while she finished checking the Slytherins.

Remus was sitting beside Peter on one of the beds with his head leaned on the wall, an ice pack pressed on his left eye and a terrible headache finally setting in. It was like somebody had hit him with a hammer repeatedly for the last hour. Even seeing was painful, the fluorescents in the room were too harsh on his eyes.

"So what did you lads do for the distraction?" Sirius asked suddenly and Remus opened his eyes lazily. He was laying on the other bed beside James, with his legs over the other boy's leg and an icepack on the left side of his face.

"I called Malfoy a princess" James snorted while checking the broken glasses on his hand. Sirius barked a laugh "it was all I had to do really, the bloke came at me and, well...you can imagine the rest"

"It was great timing too" Sirius pointed out still laughing.

"It was Pete's idea really" James pointed at the other boy with his glasses.

"Great thinking, Wormy!" Sirius congratulated.

"Cheers, Pads" Peter smiled.

"Oh, y'know, McGonagall told us to stop dragging Remus to these things" James laughed, amused. Remus looked at the boy and raised his eyebrows.

"If she only knew that Lupin here is who comes up with half of the ideas" Sirius pointed out, glancing at Remus with a cheeky grin. Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled a little.

"Yeah, she told us that we were converting Remus to be like us" James added "that the four of us spend the day around the castle roaming...looking for trouble..."

"Marauding" Remus finished weakly, remembering the word Mrs. Hernandez had used once.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that... marauding," James nodded.

"Marauding...a bunch of marauders are we?" Sirius snorted and James' eyes widened.

"I like that! Marauders" James said excitedly "it's quite catchy" Sirius nodded with a big smile.

"If we ever form a band that's what we should call it" Sirius added and Remus glanced at him.

"We're not gonna form a band" Remus stated with a blank expression.

"C'mon! It's a great idea, I'd be the frontman, I would sing and play the guitar!" Sirius insisted with too much excitement for Remus' throbbing head.

"And what are we supposed to do then? Be backup dancers?" Remus questioned with irony.

"I do have some sick moves" James informed with a smirk and Sirius nodded confirming it.

"I can play the kazoo" Peter added and Remus thought that the fight had left them all crazy.

"See!" Sirius exclaimed opening his arms.

"Right, The Marauders, the band with a singer, a single dancer, and a kazoo player" Remus raised a brow.

"We'd be a total success" Sirius shrugged with a smile "if you want to join us you can" he looked at Remus pointedly.

"And what I'm supposed to do, uh?" Remus questioned, sitting correctly on the bed.

"Anything! Every talent is welcomed in our band" Sirius smirked playfully.

"You could do your magic trick with the door" James pointed out with a smile and Sirius signed at his best friend.

"It's not a magic trick!" Remus insisted. It surprised him how alike Sirius and James thought, it was like they shared a single brain cell.

"The Marauders" Sirius extended his hands in the air "a beautiful singer, a backup dance, a kazoo player, and a magician" Remus snorted and shook his head.

"Oh, we have to put some terms and conditions" James suggested and Sirius agreed "first, don't be a tosser"

"What? I thought we wanted Remus to be in the band" Sirius said with an exaggerated pout, and Remus flipped him off.

"Then don't be mean" James corrected and Sirius made a face.

"Still Remus" he shook his head and Remus threw at him one of the pillows on the bed.

"Fuck off"

"See?!" Sirius turned to James and signed at Remus.

"Fine! Dios, then don't be like Malfoy, or Avery, or Lestrange" James said, exasperated "is that better?"

"Better" Sirius nodded with a pleased smile.

"The second one could be to help and support each other all the way, that's important" Peter shrugged and the other two boys nodded.

"Nice one, Pete"

"Third, be loyal to the band, don't betray your friends," James said and the two boys nodded

"Fourth, you have to like Rock" Sirius added with a stern face as if that was more important than the previous conditions.

"Rock and pranks" James clarified.

"Yeah, Rock and pranks" Sirius agreed "so what you say, Lupin, are you in or not?" he raised an eyebrow at him. It was a lost case trying to bring reason to that conversation, he was better off just giving up and following the game.

If you can't beat them, join them.

"Alright, but I want 30% of the royalties" Remus crossed his arms.

"Fifth condition! We distribute everything equally" Sirius proclaimed, raising a finger, and Remus snorted.

"That's bloody ironic coming from someone like you, Black" Remus pointed out with a laugh.

"What can I say? Marx taught me some things" Sirius shrugged and they continued talking about ideas for shows and songs that would never happen but for them they were all possible. Remus laughed hard at the things the other boys were coming up with, all anger and sadness had been left outside.

Just for that night, that moment, in that small room, The Marauders was a real idea for the boys, the rest of the world didn't matter and the possibilities were endless, they imagined this future for them where they were invincible and infinite, and perhaps it was highly improbable that it would happen, and it was just a silly dream, but just for that night, it was all possible.

Chapter Text

"I felt a funeral in my brain
And mourners, to and fro
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through"

-I Felt A Funeral In My Brain, Emily Dickinson

November 26th, 1995

As it happened with everything that occurred in Hogwarts Academy of Excellence, the story of their fight with the Slytherins spread around the school overnight. When they entered the Dining Hall the next morning it seemed like all eyes were stuck on them. It also could've been because they looked like they came straight from a boxing match with bruises and cuts all over their faces. Some people came and cheered for them, telling them they had done a 'good job' and the Slytherins were the worst; others glanced at them nastily, mostly other Slytherins.

Sirius seemed to be enjoying the attention a little bit too much. He retold the story to everyone who came close to them -especially if they were girls-, and they looked thrilled with him, they even said that the bruise on his temple gave him an air of a 'bad boy', at which Sirius smiled flirtily and puffed his chest just a little bit more.

Remus on his part hated the attention. Just like it had happened with the bonfire, he didn't want people to see him and see a criminal. He liked when nobody noticed him when nobody talked about him. It was peaceful.

They were eating their breakfast while James and Sirius told -for about the seventh time that morning- the story of what had happened when Remus spotted the three girls at their table.

"I'll be back in a minute" he announced before leaving them and walking over to where the girls were.

"Hey" he breathed and the three turned at him, their eyes widened and jaws dropped, Lily even stood up quickly and stepped to where Remus was.

"Remus, are you alright?" Lily asked worriedly, sending glances at his left eye.

"Uhm, yeah..." he said, a little startled, he had sort of expected the girl to scream or run away at the sight of him "I want to talk with you, actually" he looked at her green eyes.

"Oh, ok" she nodded and walked with him out of the Dining Hall. He felt nervous for some reason, he didn't want to lose her for some stupid mistake he had made, but he would understand if she was too scared now to be his friend.

"What's wrong?" she asked, scanning his face. He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Lils," she frowned instantly.

"Sorry for what?" Lily asked sincerely and Remus looked at her confused.

"For yesterday, for you having to see that" he raised his eyebrows and her gaze softened.

"Remus, you don't have to apologize to me, if you regret what you did you should be talking with Ave-" 

"No, is not that" he interfered "if you wouldn't step in I would've killed him," he felt like vomiting any time, it was worst saying it out loud.

"Well yeah, that's why stepped in" Lily shrugged and Remus swallowed hard.

"You looked... scared" he muttered "scared of me"

"Of course, I was scared, Remus, but that doesn't mean I see you differently if that's what you're thinking" Lily looked at him pointedly "Remus, the thing that you and the others did wasn't right, but I've known you now for three months and I know you like to get in trouble whether you'll admit it or not" she chuckled slightly and Remus' lips quirked up slightly "and it's your thing to deal with, not mine"

"So you don't hate me?" he raised his eyebrows, a little scared.

"Course not, I couldn't hate you, Remus, not when you're my best friend" she beamed and Remus felt a warmness inside his chest "also, he deserved it, kinda" they laughed.

Best friend. They were best friends?

He knew they talked a lot and shared things with each other constantly, but he had never thought Lily considered him her 'best friend'. He had never had one so he didn't know the requirements of it, he didn't even think he qualified for one. He thought Lily had plenty of other friends to even view Remus as the best of them, he didn't think he even make the top 10. But now she had told him he was her best friend. Best. It was a strong word to use. Did he now have new responsibilities? Did he have to do special things for her? He didn't know how to do that. He thought about what he knew about best friends, his knowledge was only from books and movies.

First, he knew that best friends usually did everything together. Lily and he did plenty of stuff together, not everything, and much less now that he was sitting with the other boys, but they spent a lot of time of the day with each other.

Second, they shared everything. Every secret, every story, every feeling. Remus didn't think he could do that, at least not now. He felt like he could never trust anyone completely, secrets were a huge part of Remus, they protected him from people taking advantage, but if there was somebody he thought he could trust a little more than anyone else it was Lily for sure.

Third, they cared for each other. He did care for her, a lot actually. More than any other person in Hogwarts, that's why it was so important for him to know what she thought about him that morning. He used to not care what other people thought of him, if they hated him he couldn't give a single fuck. But since he met Lily, everything had changed, he felt like trying to be a better person just so he won't lose her.

So yeah, he could say they were best friends.

"You're my best friend too, Lils" he smiled and the girl grinned widely, pulling him into a small hug.

"I was worried for you too, you know? I thought you'd be at the infirmary" she admitted and Remus chuckled.

"Nah, they didn't do much, just a black eye, thas'it" he shrugged and Lily stared at his left eye.

"Yeah, I could tell" she raised her eyebrows, giggling "I'm surprised that you're still here, I would've thought that you four would be expelled by now"

"Well, Dumbledore just gave us detention until Winter break" he explained and she frowned.

"Really? After all that?" she asked surprised, then her face changed as if she remembered something "well, I guess he can be pretty forgiving at times" Remus wondered what she meant but didn't think much of it.

"Still, I'll be scrubbing floors until the 16th" he rolled his eyes and Lily chuckled lightly.

"Well, you'll have James, Peter, and Sirius to keep you company" she tapped his shoulder.

"Yeah, The Marauders," he said shaking his head and remembering the conversation they'd had the night before.

"The what?" Lily asked, knitting her brows.

"Oh, The Marauders, it was just a name Sirius and James invented for us," he told her, not giving it much importance.

"Right, of course, James would do that" Lily murmured, shaking her head. Remus glanced at her but didn't comment on the fact that she had called James by his name and not a disdainful 'Potter'.

Remus spent the rest of the morning with the girls. He told them everything about the prank and how the four boys had ended up in a fistfight with the Slytherins. Marlene seemed amused by it and Mary just laughed, finding everything too ridiculous for her. He omitted the part where they had stolen the book from Dumbledore. Maybe Lily had excused the fight with Avery but he didn't think she would find it funny that they had stolen something from the Headmaster on top of it.

When he went to his room in the afternoon he didn't find Sirius inside, it was quiet, thankfully. He dragged his feet across the room to his bed and grabbed Olivia's book, he hadn't gotten the chance to read it since stealing it from Dumbledore, but now it seemed like the perfect time. He opened it and saw the initials scribbled on the first page. He brushed his finger over it, thinking about the moment she wrote it probably more than 40 years ago. He flipped the pages, getting to the first poem.

It didn't have many annotations, just a few dribbles and flower drawings around. He continued reading and started to get more and more comments and highlighted phrases in the poems. Most of the poems were beautiful, with breathtaking lines and creative rhymes, but others were dark and sad, with grief and death being the most recurrent themes. These poems were the ones that had more annotations from Olivia. 

Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.

Olivia had written under that stanza: 'Is it better to exist and hurt or just lay in death's sweet arms and cease to exist?'

Remus' stomach twisted inside him, the things that Olivia wrote were devastating, it made him go back to moments when he had thought similarly to her. And it was worse when he stumbled upon a poem called 'Hope is the thing with feathers'.

His mother's name had struck him with surprise and a wave of unwanted emotions and memories. His heart stung as he read through it, and he was left feeling worse when he read Olivia's comment on that:

"My hope is dead, they had plucked all its feathers"

He knew exactly how she felt, he knew exactly what it was like to feel like there was nothing else in the world, that everything was bad and there was no way it could get better. Had that happiness sucked out of you.

He closed the book after that, he couldn't handle it anymore. He felt suffocated, the air lacking in his lungs, and heavy pressure over his chest. He needed to go out, smoke, and clear his mind off his parents and off Olivia.

While he watched the smoke from his cigarette twirl up to the sky he thought about Olivia. Her words were tragic and raw, they had imprinted in Remus' brain. He felt them burning behind his eyes and couldn't stop thinking about them. Everything he had found out about Olivia was just sad, but he had to read more of the book and try to find something that could tell him what had happened to her, but he didn't think he could do it that day.

Tomorrow. He'd read it tomorrow.

December 7th, 1995

Winter arrived in Scotland and Remus remembered how much he hated that season. It was the worst season of the year in his opinion, everything was cold and lifeless, and the days were shorter and the nights longer; he didn't have many good memories of Winter, on the contrary, all of the Winters he remembered had been horrible since he was 5 years old; mostly because of that upcoming date.

It didn't help also that Olivia's book was filled with sad and dishearting annotations. Remus had read and reread all of the poems and all of the written comments, trying to find something, a clue that might help him understand Olivia better and why she disappeared. He only found more sad annotations and some of them were directed to a person called 'Bee' who he had no idea who they were. Also, every time he finished the book he just found himself in a worse state than when he had begun reading it. Maybe he was searching for things that weren't there. He had always tried to dig deeper in shallow waters, looking for other reasons to refuse what was real.

He had done it with his parent's death, believing for some time that it hadn't been just a car accident, but something more. But there had never been anything more. They had died in a car crash, as simple as that, just another driver whose breaks didn't stop on time and collided at 200km/h with their car that December 10 years ago.

And he was doing it now with Olivia Peterson's death. Looking for clues and secret messages in sad words that showed him clearly that the girl had been somebody that had suffered a lot when she was alive. He was treating it as if it was one of his mystery books and that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for Olivia and what had happened, she deserved to rest and for people to stop dragging her death to silly jokes and urban legends.

On top of that, finals were coming just the next week. The times Remus hadn't spent reading Olivia's book or dreading the Winter, he had spent with the girls inside the Library, studying until late at night for their upcoming tests. That or he was with James, Sirius, and Peter serving detention after classes each day.

The four of them were in the gym all alone, the Thursday evening, cleaning the old stands inside the place. Remus felt tired, not only because he had been scrapping rust from the seats for the last two hours but he also felt like his mind was going numb for all the things he was feeling. The exams, Olivia's book, detention, the date...that bloody date. Why did it have to come every year? Couldn't it just don't exist anymore? Remus would be much better without it.

"And you want to hear what Patil told me? He said that United would beat Liverpool 3-0, he's just fantasying at this point, we'll see that in 10 days!" James talked loudly, his voice echoing in the empty gym. He had been ranting about Football for the past 20 minutes, but Remus didn't have the energy to fake the interest.

"Remus" Sirius walked to him, Remus looked up from the rusty tube he was cleaning "you dodgy git or swot, can't decide really on which one is best," he said with a teasing tone. Remus went back to his scrapping with a straight face.

"I'm not in the mood" he spat and Sirius scoffed.

"When are you in the mood, really?" he joked and Remus sent him a deathly look "ok" Sirius clicked his tongue and left his spatula and towel on the floor "let's go for a smoke, you and I" he signed at him with his head and Remus stared at him for some seconds before sighing and leaving his cleaning devices on the floor too.

They came out of the gym and Remus took out his cigarette box, grabbing one for him and letting Sirius take one for himself. When he gave Sirius his he gelt the icy cold fingers of the other boy.

"Your hands are freezing" he commented and Sirius chuckled.

"Yeah, they always are" he said waiting for Remus to finish lighting his cigarette to take the lighter.

Remus dragged from the fag deeply and stared at the pale blue sky, in about an hour the sun would set and everything would be pitch black. 

"Tell me, what's on your mind now?" Sirius asked, letting the smoke come out from his lips. Remus shrugged and dragged again. He didn't want to talk about it, he just want to stop thinking and he thought that saying everything out loud wouldn't exactly help.

"Just Winter break" he replied drily.

"I get it" Sirius laughed bitterly "I hate Winter break too. Any break really" he dragged and let the smoke out of his mouth. Remus had noticed that Sirius Black made everything look expensive and high-class, even smoking the cheapest cigarettes. He did it with such elegance that Remus was offended and jealous by it.

"There's nothing I hate more than going back to that house" Sirius admitted and Remus raised an eyebrow "if I could I would stay back here in Hogwarts" he smirked at the thought of it.

"You can't do that because of your... family?" Remus guessed.

"Because of my parents, yeah" Sirius blurted out, dragging again.

At least you have parents.

"They like to do this dinner on Christmas with all the Black family. It's the worst night of the year, I dread every second of it" Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus couldn't understand why he was complaining about having dinner on Christmas with his family. Even if he didn't like them, Sirius was lucky enough to have a family that could do all of those things, and there he was, whining about it.

"Right" Remus dragged from his cigarette and looked away. Fighting with Sirius would only make things worst so he decided to better stay quiet.

"Oh, Remus is outside" he heard James tell somebody inside the gym, he peeked his head inside and saw Mrs. Greggs walking towards them.

"Fuck" he cursed before throwing his cigarette to the ground and smashing it with his boot "Greggs's coming," he told Sirius and the boy did the same as him, kicking the cigarettes to a corner as the secretary arrived.

"Mr. Lupin, there's a call for you," she said, then she scrunched her nose slightly. Remus knew the woman was smelling the cigarettes they had just put out. She squinted at him and then at Sirius but couldn't find anything to incriminate them "come with me" she said suspiciously. He glance at Sirius for a split second and then followed Mrs. Greggs.

They got to the Administration Building and he walked to the first phone, as always, knowing the call that was waiting for him in the booth. 

"Hello, Daisy," he said after picking the phone up.

"Hello, Remus" Mrs. Hernandez greeted "how are you?"

"Had better days" he informed her with not much emotion in his voice.

"Oh, and why's that?" she questioned, but Remus didn't have the energy to explain to her everything that was going on in his mind.

"Jus' finals" he shrugged.

"Oh, don't worry, Remus, you're good" she cheered him. Remus wondered if she would say the same if she knew all of the things that had happened since she called him in November  "well, I think you know why I'm calling, right?"

"Yeah"

"So, what's your decision? Are you coming back to London or are you staying at school?" she asked and Remus paused for a second. He really didn't like either option, he was just choosing which was less depressing at this point. But even if it meant he'll be all alone the rest of December he preferred staying at Hogwarts than going back to Waterfront and having the constant reminder of what he lost.

At least if he stayed at Hogwarts he could read at the Library, watch TV in the Common Room, or just drink gallons of tea without being yelled at. 

"School," he told her and heard her sigh.

"Alright, then I guess we'll see each other again in Summer," she said, Remus thought that he sensed a small tint of sadness in her words, but maybe it was just his tired brain.

"I guess so" 

"Is there something else you want to tell me..." she made a pause, leaving space for Remus to talk, but what could he say? That he almost killed a boy? That he was going crazy over a book? That the pain inside him was becoming so unbearable in the last few days that he wished that he could just turn off his brain?

"No" he muttered.

"Well, then, goodbye, Remus, and Merry Christmas" she said before hanging up. He didn't know why every time Mrs. Hernandez called it always left him feeling miserable. 

He walked to Lion, trying to think about anything else. He busied his mind and decided to start quizzing himself about the Science material for Monday's test, he was going well until he forgot a piece of information; he had to review his notes. With blood cells and lymphocytes in his mind, he entered his room. Unsurprisingly, James and Peter were there with Sirius listening to music, they looked sweaty and dirty, they probably had just come out of detention.

"Who called?" Sirius asked "your mum?" Remus looked at him lost, his mind was wandering through the biology test and Sirius suddenly asked him about his mum. But his mum was dead. He snapped suddenly, remembering what he had told Sirius weeks before.

"Uhm, yes" he breathed, slumping into his bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Uh, Remus?" James talked this time, the boy walked over to his side of the room and stood over Remus beside his bed "are you going to be alright when you go back home for Winter break?" Remus sat up with his forearms and gazed at the other boy.

"I'm staying at Hogwarts" he announced and surprise appeared on the other boys' faces.

"Why? Did your mum make you do it?" Peter asked, worriedly. 

"No" he answered quickly, coming more aggressively than he had meant it "I...I decided it" he glanced at Sirius, whose face didn't have that usual smirk or joking expression he always had.

"Do you want us to stay?" James questioned, concerned "Pete and I could stay with you" 

"Well, I don't think my mum is gonna like that but I could try and ask if you want" Peter offered.

"No, don't worry, 's fine" Remus sat up completely, he noticed Sirius was too quiet on his bed. His grey eyes were stuck on the record he had in his hands, and his face was blank and expressionless. Remus wondered what had gotten into him but decided that it was probably just one of Sirius' dramatic fits.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, James, I'm sure"

"Well, I guess you'll have more time to go over Olivia's book," James smiled but Remus didn't turn it back. The three boys asked him about what he had found the first time he read it, excited that they would uncover a mystery, when Remus came with disappointing news every time they brought up the topic the other three boys started to ask fewer questions until they didn't do it anymore.

"Yeah, I guess" he shrugged and lay on the bed again thinking about how much he wished December would end right there.

December 15th, 1995

Remus didn't know where Victoria had gotten the idea or why she had chosen to do it the last day of the semester, but she put a practice that Friday afternoon with the excuse that they'll be three weeks without any training and they must practice since the Houses tournament was coming in March. That's how he found himself running under the freezing December air around the track field with a mood that could compete with the awful weather. He had just gotten out of his French final and wasn't satisfied with the outcome. Of course, he didn't know his grade, but he knew it wouldn't be that good, at least not what he needed to get the C he had in that class to a B. Sirius tutoring had helped a lot, but he had spent the whole week with his head lost and that hadn't helped at the moment to do the test. The last place he wanted to be was in the track field.

"Come on, Lupin, you're not even trying!" Victoria yelled from her position beside the track. Remus clenched his jaw and accelerated a little. His heart was beating hard against his chest and his ears were thumping, he didn't know if it was because of the physical strain or his mind. Caradoc passed him in the curve and Remus heard Victoria groan.

"God, Tori, calm down" Caradoc tried to ease the tension that the girl had. Remus couldn't care less about her, if she was having a bad day he was having a worse one, he didn't have the time to care about her feelings.

"No, I need this team to be great-no! To be perfect, I need you to be perfect, alright?" the girl started "And I can't with Lupin being distracted and not taking this seriously" she pointed at him and he scowled.

"Well, 'm here, right?" he spat, feeling the poison streaming through his blood.

"Barely," 

"Let's just get over with this next round, shall we?" Hazel suggested, glancing nervously between Remus and Victoria. Remus huffed and went over to the start line and kneeled on the floor his position, his nails were digging into his palms and he thought that his jaw might burst at any moment from how tight it was.

"Alright, we'll do it again," Victoria said with gritted teeth "This time do it correctly, Lupin, not the shit you were doing before" Remus couldn't keep quiet no more.

"Fuck this" he got up and started to walk away from the group, fuming and feeling his head might explode.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? We haven't finished yet" Victoria yelled, following Remus fastly.

"'m done, 'don't need your bloody practices n' yelling shit at me" Remus growled.

"If you walk away you're out of the team" Victoria threatened and he stopped on his feet. He turned at her and frowned.

"You can't do that, Hooch and McGonagall were the ones who put me here" he defended but Victoria didn't seem scared by that.

"Well I'm the captain, I choose what happens inside this team" she spat. Remus felt the fire burning inside him, begging to be let out.

"Y'know what? Fuck you" he pointed at her and her jaw hit the ground "fuck you, and fuck your fucking team too" he flipped the other three and stomped away after grabbing his bag from the stands. It was really cold outside, but the heat of his body was enough to keep him warm.

"Remus, Remus!" somebody called behind his back, but he didn't want to talk to anyone "Remus" he recognized Caradoc's voice. He turned his head around and stopped for a moment, angrily. The other boy caught up with him and smiled when he got to his side "Hey, you really don't have to listen to her.."

"If you came to try and get me back then just fuck off" Remus started to walk again toward Godric's campus

"No, no, I wouldn't dare" Caradoc snorted "I wanted to talk with ya', you look like you need it" he shrugged and Remus scowled at him.

"I don't need your therapist shit" he spat, angrily.

"Remus" Caradoc put a hand over his shoulder, stopping him from walking further. He glanced at his hand and then at the other boy's freckled face.

"What?"

"Let's talk" Caradoc insisted with a soft smile. Remus closed his eyes and sighed deeply, the last thing he needed at that moment was some pep-talk from someone who wouldn't understand.

"I don't have anything to talk about," he said between teeth.

"Is it the finals?" he wondered and Remus shook his head "is it the Holidays?" 

"No, is not that" Remus crossed his arms, already feeling the cold again.

"Going home?" Caradoc asked and Remus felt like screaming.

"No! I'm staying here" he growled, tired of everyone thinking that. Everybody talked to him as if he had problems at his home, but he didn't have one, to begin with. Caradoc stayed quiet for some seconds staring at Remus with curiosity, then his lips quirked up and his dark eyes looked another way.

"Staying here can be the best option sometimes, y'know?" he commented "I'm staying too. Mum has double shifts at the hospital 'til New Year's so she preferred I stayed, at least I would have company here" Caradoc shrugged, making it as if it wasn't a big deal. Remus gazed at the boy and frowned slightly.

"She's a doctor?" Remus asked, calmer now.

"Nah" Caradoc chuckled slightly "a nurse, and a good one too" he guaranteed "she cares a lot about everyone and works hard to do the best she can" he smiled "that's why I think she's the best person in this world" his grin fell a little "I just wish sometimes she didn't have to work that hard..."

Remus looked at the other boy. He didn't know why Caradoc suddenly was telling all of those things to him, they weren't close, they were just teammates. Remus had laughed at some of his jokes before, but that and the practices were all the interaction they had with each other.

"These people...they don't know what is like to live like that" he shrugged "they have all these things that made their life so much easier, rich parents, fame...they don't understand what's like for people like us"

"People like us?" Remus questioned.

"Scholarship kids, 'course" Caradoc looked at him pointedly "working class...I can hear it in you" he chuckled.

"Oh, yeah...'m from East End" Remus smirked.

"Sheffield" Caradoc told him with a smile "anyways, you'll see that being at Hogwarts isn't all that bad, lots of students stay, especially upper years. It's just a big party in Godric, fewer people and all the freedom you want" Remus smiled.

"That sounds nice, yeah" he nodded.

"Yeah well, you still have to be careful with Filch, he's still an arse even with all the Holidays' spirit" they both laughed.

Remus didn't think that Caradoc could be such good company, he was feeling so much better after talking with the boy. He knew only about Lily being on a scholarship, but he hadn't met anyone else that was the same as him -at least that he knew-. Caradoc Dearborn was a breath of fresh air between all of those high-class kids at Hogwarts.

December 16th, 1995

That Saturday morning Remus found himself in the spot to take the buses to Perth's Train Station. Everyone had their suitcase and trunks beside them and were saying goodbye to a few people that stayed at school too. He was with the girls, they had asked him weeks before if he wanted to go to their houses for the Holidays. Remus couldn't even think about going to a house and just crashing up for three weeks, he didn't want to feel like a burden to their parents. So he told them that he'll be fine and hugged them goodbye, Lily hung up a little bit longer, looking worried but when Remus smiled at her, her face softened.

"Happy Holidays, Remus" Lily said, before going up to the bus behind Marlene and Mary. He saw them sitting beside the window, Mary beside Lily, and Marlene on the seat in front of them.

"Think that we could seat with them for the ride home?" James wondered walking up to Remus with Sirius and Peter by his side.

"I don't think Lily would let you" Remus snorted, turning to him.

"It won't hurt to try" James had a wide grin on his face, as well as Peter's. Sirius, on the other hand, was pale as a ghost, a gloomy expression covering all of his face, with dark and sad eyes and pressed lips. He glanced constantly back to the castle as if was waiting for someone to walk down.

"Buses leaving in 2 minutes!" one of the bus drivers yelled from the door of the first bus, and the students remaining hurried to get into the vehicles.

"Well, use that big mind of yours to plan our next prank" James patted his shoulder and winked at him, before jumping on the bus.

"Happy Holidays, Remus" Peter smiled at him.

"Happy Holidays, Pete," Remus said and the shorter boy gave him a quick hug before following the other inside the bus. Remus looked at Sirius, he had his hands inside the pockets of his long black coat and still observed the castle in the distance.

"Black" Remus said in a low voice, Sirius dragged his tired eyes from Hogwarts to him.

"One minute!" the bus operator yelled again.

"Don't want to miss your train, d'you?" Remus teased and Sirius smiled weakly at him.

"Goodbye, Remus" Sirius muttered and slowly dragged his feet up the bus. The door closed behind him and Remus saw the boy walking inside the bus and sitting beside Marlene.

The first bus hissed before starting to move forward and then the others followed it. The students inside the bus waved goodbye to all of their friends staying at the school. He saw the girls waving frantically at him and he waved them back with a small grin. James and Peter appeared behind Mary and Lily, waving goodbye too -James winning a comment from Lily that Remus could already tell wasn't anything nice-, but there was a certain long-haired boy who stayed put on his seat and didn't even turn his head to look at Remus.

He's just in one of his 'Sirius moods', he'll be fine, Remus thought as he saw the buses disappear down the road.

Chapter Text

I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes —
I wonder if It weighs like Mine —
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if They bore it long —
Or did it just begin —
I could not tell the Date of Mine —
It feels so old a pain —

I wonder if it hurts to live —
And if They have to try —
And whether — could They choose between —
It would not be — to die —

-I Measure Every Grief I Meet, Emily Dickinson.

November 18th, 1995

Caradoc had been right about Hogwarts at Winter Break, it was a different experience than being at the school at regular times. Godric was essentially a ghost town without that many students in the houses, there were probably about 60 students on all campus in comparison with the 500-something that they usually were. Only on Lion there were staying 8 boys, Caradoc, Remus, and 6 other Year 13s. It felt odd all the tranquility inside that building, the Common Room was emptier than usual, Remus had several places to choose from for his reading and wasn't constantly interrupted by loud noises or conversations.

That was the weirdest part of it all, the silence. There was too much silence inside the dorm now, there was no James screaming at Football matches, or Peter yelling victorious when he won another round of chess, or Sirius playing his music every day and every night for all the boys to hear -he had taken the record player so there hadn't been any music in that room for the last few days-. It made Remus uneasy, somehow. He had gotten used to all that noise that now the silence was discomforting.

He told himself didn't miss them, no, of course not, he wasn't one to get attached easily, but it made Remus feel weird that the other three boys weren't there.

The same went with the girls, not seeing them every morning at breakfast or when he went to the Library felt unnatural. There wasn't Marlene's loud laugh or Lily's voice or Mary's daily gossip. He didn't think he'll need somebody, ever, but now he found himself counting the days for them to be back.

Apart from that, Remus had used his alone time for exploring the castle, as he had done during those first weeks at Hogwarts. It served as a nice distraction for what was coming the following week. The school was almost always deserted, the halls empty with the exception of some teachers walking here and there. Most of the students that had stayed spent the days at the campuses or down at the fields; Remus was probably the only one that was wandering around the school. He had gone back to that 'memory' wall near the Administration Building a day before, scanning all the photos again. The 1954 class photo still wasn't there and Remus didn't understand why Dumbledore had taken it down.

That Monday afternoon, he was walking along the section for younger Years. He had never been there and he thought that there was nothing more to investigate in their section -and he needed a distraction from the sad thoughts in his brain-. It was almost the same as the other side, with tapestries and tall columns, but the classrooms had smaller chairs and tables. He passed by a boy and a girl playing with marbles on the floor. 

"You're cheating!" the boy whined and the girl raised her eyebrows at him with a smug smile.

"Is no cheating if I'm this good and you're just bad" she replied at him and Remus held back a laugh. It had been a good comeback. The boy went to collect all the marbles off the floor and the girl stepped beside him "d'you need help?"

"No, I can do it alone" he replied with a frown and grabbed all the marbles against his chest so he could carry them all. 

Remus saw them walk before him, the boy struggling to hold all the marbles in his chest and the girl looking at him as if she was waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, he dropped all of the marbles on the floor, the orbs bouncing against the surface and flying everywhere.

"I knew this would happen!" the girl groaned and the boy had his face all red. The two kids started picking the marbles up from the floor, one by one. Remus, in an unexpected act of kindness, decided to help them. He picked up some of the marbles further from the two and gave them to the kids.

"Thanks," they said shyly. 

Remus looked to the left, where a large tapestry of a countryside hung from the ceiling, he had seen some marbles bounce under it, maybe there was something behind. He moved the heavy tapestry away and, indeed, there was a hall. It was a dark hallway with just a door and no windows, and at the end, there was a large fireplace, it was eerie and strangely colder than the outside. He picked up the marbles he saw on the floor quickly and, accidentally, kicked two of them with his booth. The marbles rolled down the aisle and Remus followed them, trying to grab them before they hit the end, but he wasn't fast enough and the marbles got between the holes in the screen and into the fireplace. He stopped before it and huffed, annoyed that he had lost the kids two of their marbles, but then he heard the two orbs bouncing again as if they were falling somewhere under the fireplace. The sound echoed and got weaker as they seemed to go further down. He frowned, confused about what had happened, and peeked through the screen but it was pitch black inside. 

Maybe the fireplace is bigger than it seems, he tried to tell himself but he knew it wasn't the truth. How could they fall down? There must be something underneath.

He walked out of that secret hallway, moving the tapestry again to the side. He was prepared to see the kids and give them the marbles he managed to save but they weren't there anymore, instead, he stumbled upon Professor Indigo.

"Mr. Lupin" the teacher frowned, probably surprised to see him come from behind the tapestry.

"Professor," he said, also surprised.

"What are you doing around here? I would've thought you'll be with the other boys down the field" he questioned with a light chuckle.

"Uhm, jus' exploring" he shrugged "'was helping sum kids but...they've run off" he showed the teacher the marbles in his hand and then put them in the pocket of his jacket, a little embarrassed.

"Right" the professor smiled warmly "why don't you come to my office? You can help me sort some things for the next semester if you want" he proposed and Remus glanced back at the tapestry. Maybe he could come back later to try and see the fireplace.

"Ok," he nodded and then followed Indigo to the other side, hands on the pockets of his jacket and his head bowed down. They were walking up the stairs to the first floor, where the English classroom was.

"How come you stayed here for the Holidays, Mr. Lupin?" Indigo asked, glancing back at him.

"Jus'... preferred to stay here" he shrugged, looking away, the teacher hummed.

"Hogwarts can be the real home for many, I'm aware, it's nice and usually holds up nice moments with friends and people" he talked as he went along the hallways "I'm very fond of it actually, I've been teaching for 24 years here and I have lots of good memories along these walls. Highs and lows, happiness and sadness, I had lived it all here" he smirked with nostalgia, "that's why I always stay during Winter break. That, and the fact that I have to check your tests to have them ready for your return" the professor looked at Remus pointedly with a smile.

"Well, I hope we're not ruining your break with our grades" Remus commented with a snort, almost entirely to himself but it appeared the teacher had heard him because he laughed at it too.

"You'd be surprised, Mr. Lupin, most of the students get decent grades in my subject, is nothing compared to Maths, of course" he chuckled, stopping before the door of the English classroom, he opened it and let Remus go in first.

"Yeah, tell me 'bout it" he mumbled with irony as the older man switched on the lights.

"Are you having trouble with Maths?" he questioned, surprised by it. Remus nodded, walking further inside the room, not wanting to turn to the man. He knew he had him on a pedestal because he was good at English, he didn't want him to look at him differently "well, I'll have to talk with McGonagall then" he joked and Remus gazed at him alarmed.

"No, I'm... getting better now" he revealed in a low voice and the teacher grinned, walking to his desk.

"Then that's good, even if you aren't it doesn't mean you're not smart or capable of other things, you know that right?" Indigo raised his brow.

"Yes, but I need good grades to pass, Professor"

"What's a Math grade when you have your talent for literature?" Indigo exclaimed and Remus looked at him feeling embarrassed all of the sudden "really, Remus-can I call you Remus?"

"Ye-yeah"

"Remus, you have an incredible talent for English. It's unusual when I get a student like you" he went around his desk and sat down over it, glaring at Remus with a soft smile "somebody that actually cares for what's behind the words on paper, the reason, the real story behind it all...you are someone -I've come to realize these last few months- that understands the authors and their works, or at least tries to even if you can't relate at all" Remus felt his cheeks starting to burn and a warm glow inside his chest growing as the teacher talked.

"Your essays, your analysis, your tests..." he opened his arms "they all show how great you are at expressing yourself and what you think. And it's really interesting...I see you in my classes and you're usually pretty quiet and don't participate as much as others, but on paper, you have the most intricate and complex and...beautiful words of them all"

Remus felt like he could burst at any moment, it was too much for him, he was equal parts embarrassed and proud. Nobody had ever told him something like that, none of his past teachers had cared that much for what he had to say to give him that kind of feedback. It was unexpected, but it also felt really good, Remus didn't want the feeling to stop.

"Thank you, Professor" he blurted out, shyly.

"Have you ever thought of what profession you might choose when you get out of school?" he wondered, going around his desk again and sitting on his chair.

"Uhm, not really" Remus shrugged. Before going to Hogwarts he hadn't thought there was a real future for him apart from staying at the East End and working low-pay jobs for the rest of his life. Even if he went back and they didn't expel him the next two years and he managed to graduate from Hogwarts, somehow, he didn't have a plan. He also didn't have money or a place to live apart from Waterfront, and that'll be gone after he turns 18.

So yeah, he hadn't really thought of going to a university and studying a career.

"Well, you should think about going for an English major, maybe be a teacher or something" the professor smiled. Remus smirked back but wasn't completely buying into what he was saying. Maybe Remus was good enough to stand out in his class but dedicating his entire life to English and succeeding in that area looked a lot more complicated.

"I'll think 'bout it" he shrugged again and leaned on one of the tables at the front.

"I also have noticed you like to get into trouble often" Indigo raised his eyebrows and Remus now felt totally ashamed.

"It's almost always accidental" he tried to excuse himself "It jus' sorta happens" he glanced to another point in the classroom.

"You get carried away?" Indigo wondered as he knew exactly what Remus' problem was.

"Sometimes" he shrugged, fidgeting with his fingers.

"I understand. It happened to me a lot when I was younger too" Remus looked at him and the teacher beamed warmly.

"It did?"

"Yes, I was a lot like you, Remus, driven by emotions too often, it got me in some...situations" he sighed, recalling his youth "but you know what helped me?" he made a pause "Putting all those emotions into something else"

"Something else?" Remus wondered, confused.

"I started writing. Poems mostly. They're a great way to get out what we're feeling, just writing raw emotions as they pass on our minds." he said, leaning back on his chair "Poetry it's the best way to yell without yelling, to cry without crying...not that those aren't good options too but...sometimes we need other ways to release"

"But I don't know how to write" Remus shook his head and the teacher chuckled.

"You don't need to know how to write to do it," he smiled "it doesn't have to be perfect or even a complete poem, it's only for you. Only a stanza or even a line can make the difference. It just has to be you and your emotions. That's what poetry is after all" Remus looked at him unsure.

"I dunno..."

"Here," Indigo pulled the chair back and took out something from a drawer on his desk. It was a small leather-bound diary and he handed it to Remus. The boy stared at it for some seconds before the teacher spoke again "take it, you can write your poems and thoughts in there. I haven't used it, so it's completely new" Remus glanced at the man and then at the notebook again. He took it, hesitantly, and observed it for long seconds in his hands.

"Thanks" he breathed. His heart twinged with the feeling of missing something he never really had.

"I'm always glad to get a student started on their writing journey" Professor Indigo smiled proudly. Remus looked at his desk and noticed an old copy of 'Tales of Mystery and Imagination'.

"I have that book too" he commented, not knowing why but he was itching for continuing the conversation with the teacher.

"Do you like Poe?" Indigo glanced at him surprised and Remus nodded.

"'s one of my favorites" 

"It's my favorite author too" Indigo admitted with a smile "I've read his works about a hundred times and it always amazes me. He's the king of mystery and horror, there's no one that has done what he did, he changed everything" the man talked excitedly as if he'd been waiting the day to talk about that for a long time.

"Yeah, he really did" Remus smiled shyly. The teacher continued talking animatedly about Poe and his works for some time and Remus stayed there listening to him and adding comments here and there, but really he was just glad to talk with him. 

They talked for some time and when Remus came out of the English classroom the sun was already setting on the horizon, the weather had grown colder making Remus wrap himself in his jacket. He walked quickly through Godric, hurrying to get into the warmth of the Common Room. When he got inside Lion he saw Caradoc sitting alone and watching TV.

"Hi," the other boy said, turning his head at the entrance. 

"Hey" Remus remove his jacket and hung it on the coat hanger.

"Where 'you been?" Caradoc asked as he moved to the side so Remus sat on the couch too.

"At the school" Caradoc snorted.

"I think you're the only bloke I know who would voluntarily go to the school even on break" he shook his head laughing. They watched TV in silence for some time when the Year 13 boys entered laughing and talking out loud.

"No, Frank, you had to see your face when Amos did that insane trick on ya' " Woods laughed, carrying a Football ball under his arm.

"Give me a break! I'm not even on the team" Frank shoved Wood slightly and walked toward Remus and Caradoc "alright, boys?"

"Alright," they nodded. Frank was like the father of all Lion, he made sure everyone was fine but he also didn't hesitate to scold anyone who broke the rules in the Building.

"Could you lower the volume just for a moment?" the older boy asked them politely, and Caradoc nodded, getting up off the sofa.

Frank went over to the fireplace and grabbed a long candle from a box to the side and placed it on the right end of a menorah that stood above the fireplace. Amos Diggory and another Year 13 boy came beside Frank, watching him light up another long candle and lit with it the candle at the middle of the menorah and the new one he had just put in. Remus had seen how they had done it the night before, it made his heart scream in pain. Flashes of candle-lit evenings in a small house in Wales came as a storm inside his brain. 

"I'm going to my room," he told Caradoc before bolting out of there. He went up the stairs, fighting the heavy feeling that was growing inside his chest and in the pit of his stomach, and got into his room, closing the door behind him. His heart was racing a bit quicker than before and he felt like the air inside his lungs was running low. He strode to the window and desperately opened it, taking his head out of it. The cold air hit his face, making his head hurt a little, he looked to the sky and saw the small curve that was the moon that night.

I hate this, I want it to stop, please, he pleaded to nothing in concrete, he just wanted to stop feelings inside that were haunting him.

December 24th, 1995

That Christmas Eve day everyone at Hogwarts was cheerful and full of the Holiday spirit. Woods and Diggory had found a cheap Christmas tree at Hogsmeade that Friday and brought it to Lion. The girls from Scarlet joined them at the Common Room to decored it with whatever they could find: old homework, medals, ribbons, cutouts from magazines, projects from Art class, socks...anything that could hang from the tree; at the top they placed a plush toy of a lion with a foam star pasted over it. It looked a little silly but the whole evening decoring the tree had been filled with laughs and happiness.

Remus, on the other hand, felt anything but merry.

As the date approached he felt more and more miserable, he couldn't sleep well and he had gone through a whole package of smokes in just a few days. Getting that 'contagious' Christmas spirit was hard when the only thing he wanted to do was to be alone in his room or walk around the castle. 

That evening someone knocked on his door while he was reading Olivia's book for about the tenth time. Frank's head popped beside the door seconds later.

"Hey, Lupin" he smiled and Remus lowered the book, turning to the boy "Christmas dinner is going to be served soon, just so you know. We're also having a thing after here in the Common Room" 

"Uhm, fine" Remus nodded, but he really didn't want to go to either. Frank's smile dropped slightly and he opened the door a little bit more, getting into the room. He had an ugly Christmas sweater on.

"Hey, I've noticed that you haven't gone out a lot from your room, are you alright kid?" Remus almost scoffed at this. Kid. Frank was only two years older than him but he still found a way to sound like a grown man.

"Yeah" he shrugged, looking down at the book again.

"Alright" Frank nodded and then he slapped his knee "let's go then, we don't want to eat that feast cold" he beamed and Remus sighed, giving up the idea of having a quiet and lonely night in his room. He put on his jacket, a knitted hat, and a scarf, and went out of the dorms with Frank.

The temperature outside was absolutely horrific, Remus thought that they probably were below 0 that night, so they rushed into the Dining Hall, and when they finally entered the place was warm and comfortable. The smell of Christmas food infested the air and both teachers and students were there interacting with each other. Remus saw Dumbledore talking with McGonagall on one side, the woman had a stern look on her face -as always- but the headmaster seemed cheerful with a red hat that made him appear like Santa. At the other end of the hall, Remus noticed Professor Indigo leaning against a wall, sipping from a cup with a pleased expression. At the center, various tables were put together to form sort of a banquet table, where every student sat down and waited for the feast to commence.

Frank walked over to where Woods, Diggory, and other Year 13 from other houses were sitting. Remus spotted Flynn, Xeno, and their other friend at one end of the table laughing and looking a little too relaxed. Then he saw Caradoc sitting alone and walked over to him.

"Hi," he said, sitting on the empty spot beside the other boy.

"Hey" his freckled face lit up "I didn't think you'd come, you haven't come to the hall in like two days" he pointed out and Remus pressed his lips together. He really didn't want to talk about that.

"Yeah, 'guess Frank's Christmas spirit got into me" he shrugged and they turned to where Frank was. The older boy was shaking the bells that hung from his sweater making Alice, the girl from Hufflepuff, laugh.

"Ah, that Longbottom" Caradoc shook his head with a smile. He started talking about the last Football game that he saw, Remus wasn't paying much attention, his mind was wandering aimlessly thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. Then all of the sudden Dumbledore got to the front and raised his arms, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"My dear students, my fellow teachers, we're here together tonight, to celebrate Christmas Eve. Remembering that what's most important in these Holidays times is not the gifts, not the feasts, or the material things you can get..."

"That's easy for them to say" Caradoc commented in a low voice, so only Remus could hear it. He snorted, agreeing with him. Only the people that had it all said that kind of stuff.

"...but the people that surround you. Friends, classmates, teachers. They are our biggest strength. Even if we're from different houses, different backgrounds, or different ages, we're still all Hogwarts' children and we are one family" the headmaster smiled and Remus wanted to bang his head against the table. He didn't need a family of rich kids and fake people, he wanted his real family, his parents "with that said, let's start our Christmas Dinner" the Dining Hall erupted in cheers and claps for the teacher.

Remus dragged his feet behind Caradoc to the line to get the food. That night was served on better plates and the cutlery was golden and shiny. The dinner was a real banquet: turkey with gravy, roasted vegetables, Brussels sprouts, stuffing, roasted potatoes, cranberry sauce, mince pies, anything that Remus could imagine. He devoured the food quickly, his lips hadn't tasted food like that in years, and even if he wasn't feeling all that great, the feast had bettered his mood a little bit.

He was half-listening to Caradoc when an arm surrounded him by the neck. He pulled away immediately by instinct and saw Flynn who had a side-way grin on his face. Xeno and the other friend were standing behind him, looking amused.

"Hey, Remus" he slurred his words, he clearly was high as a kite "watcha doin'? We haven't spoken the whole time you've been here" Remus glanced at Caradoc for a moment, who was looking at the three boys with a curious expression. 

"Oh, yeah...I...'been busy" he excused, shrugging, and Flynn scoffed.

"You're always busy" he protested "you should come with us to Eagle, we're trying to reach Nirvana" he snorted and the other two guys laughed.

"Uhm...I dunno, I was going to our Common Room" he looked at Caradoc "we have a thing there" he said, frowning, not really sure of what will be at Lion later that night but he preferred to go there than to be with three stoned boys.

"Boo, you ruin all the fun" Flynn pushed his face playfully and Remus swatted his arm "well, I'll see ya' around" he smiled and walked away with his friends.

"You're friends with those guys?" Caradoc asked with a faint concerned expression.

"Sorta" Remus shrugged, not having the energy to go in-depth about his relationship with Flynn and his friends.

After the dinner, most of the older students moved to Lion's Common Room, even some Slytherins were there. Woods took out two bottles of champagne and distributed them throughout the room in plastic cups, tea cups, and glasses that he found in the kitchen. It was surely an unusual vessel for champagne but Remus didn't think the kitchens would come equipped with tall champagne glasses. Everyone laughed and talked, music played from a stereo and Woods kept running around with mistletoe in his hand, hanging it over any pair of people he could find. Remus watched everything silently from the couch, holding the full cup in his hand, letting the champagne go warm, he didn't want to participate in anything, and he couldn't find the will to get up and just go to his room; so he was stuck in that soft seat. He saw how Frank lit up the seventh candle of the menorah that night, and he felt like he was falling into an endless pit.

At one point in the night, Alice had brought her guitar over and the stereo was turned off to let the girl play. Everyone shouted at the same time, trying to tell Alice to play one song or another, but the girl decided on Frank's choice at the end.

"Saying 'I love you' Is not the words I want to hear from you. It's not that I want you not to say but if you only knew" Alice sang with a soft voice that was soothing and calm as she played the guitar "More than words is all you have to do to make it real then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, 'cause I'd already know" she glanced a Frank with a smirk and the boy returned the gesture. Remus thought that something else was going on between the two but it wasn't his place to point it out.

"'Come on, Frankie, sing with her" Diggory yelled with a laugh and Frank shot a deathly glance at him. 

"Do you want to?" Alice offered without stopping playing the guitar. Frank looked at her and nodded softly. He got up from his seat and sat beside her instead.

"Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand, all you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hands and touch me" they sang, looking at each other. Remus was getting sleepy with the song, it was really relaxing and Alice's voice was good. 

Not as good as Sirius' but still.

He sat up immediately when he realized what he had thought. If Sirius could've heard him he would've laughed and will make sure he'll never forget about it. He needed to make sure that it never happened, somebody had to keep the boy humble.

Remus saw Woods sneaking behind Alice and Frank as the song finished, he held the mistletoe above their heads with a cheeky smile. When the girl played the last note she looked up and giggled looking back at Frank. When he noticed finally, his face went completely red but Alice took the initiative and cupped his face softly, pulling him and pressing their lips together. The Common Room burst out into cheers and hoots. Remus chuckled, looking at how Frank flipped them all off while still kissing Alice. The music from the stereo resumed after that and Remus saw Frank and Alice together the rest of the night. 

He didn't know when it had happened, but he fell asleep on the couch and was woken up by Frank hours later.  

"Hey, Remus, go to your room, boy," Frank said with a gigantic grin on his face. Remus blinked repeatedly and looked around. The Common Room was empty and dark, only a single lamp lit up the entire place weakly. He got up and dragged his feet up to the third floor of the building. He reached room C-12 and before any of them could enter their rooms, Frank added:

"Oh, Merry Christmas, Remus" 

"Merry Christmas" he muttered, tiredly and got into his room.

The next morning was full of cheer and enthusiasm too. Everyone opened the presents their families had sent them at breakfast. Remus just stared from aside while chomping into the waffles the cooks had made for them that morning. He hadn't had a real Christmas present since his parents died, every year at Waterfront they brought old toys that were donated by people around London, it was something, some people had nothing, he knew; but they weren't exactly his, they were for every child at the orphanage, and they were meant to share with each other, so at the end, they hadn't been gifts for Remus but for Waterfront. It was the same with his clothes and things, everything was donated around the Holidays season, stuff that people didn't want anymore they were all sent to places like Waterfront. The only things that were his really were the things he had stolen over the years.

Even with that, he was grateful for being at Hogwarts. It was so much better than Waterfront. He would have probably spent Christmas Eve roaming around the streets of the East End searching for something to do under that freezing night. 

Everyone went around wishing Merry Christmas, Remus didn't have it in him to be as happy as them, but he still replied with the same phrase to each person he came across.

That Christmas night, Frank was about to light up the last candle of the menorah, Remus watching him from a corner like a kid, when the older boy turned to him with a smile.

"Do you want to light it, Remus?" he asked, taking him by surprise. He glanced at the other boys beside Frank to see if they were in the same state as him, but they didn't have different expressions than before.

"Uhm, I dunno, can I?" he wondered, he hadn't thought about religion in a very long time. He felt guilty even participating in something like that when he didn't even believe in anything anymore.

"If you want" Frank shrugged and Remus walked slowly toward him. He grabbed the long candle with shaky hands and lit up the eighth candle on the lamp. It was a hypnotizing thing to see, the flame of each one of the candles standing still, the reflection of the light on the silver surface of the menorah, it was all too familiar but too distant at the same time. 

A lump had formed in the base of his throat and he had to excuse himself before bursting into tears in front of the other three older boys.

It had been too much.

December 28th, 1995

The day had finally arrived. The most dreaded day of all year. It was the day were all he could think of was the things he had lost. He hated to know how much time had passed since that night, how many years he had gone without his parents. He hated to see the date on the calendar and know it was a reminder that he was alone.

That day he couldn't move from his bed, he had spent the last few days locked away in his room, and that day wasn't any different. Outside everything was covered in white, it hadn't stopped snowing since the 26th and the students took the chance to build snowmen and break out snow fights all over Godric. But Remus didn't want to go out of the dorm. He felt numb all over, his body, his brain, it was like all life and spirit had been sucked out of him. His mind was a war zone of its own, he tried to push away all the flashes and memories, but it was inevitable. Even when he tried not to think about it, he was thinking of it. He always went back to that night, ten years ago.

His parents and he had just come out from a dinner with some friends of his dad. Remus had never been able to remember their names, he just knew they had a Golden Retriever named Peach that Remus had liked a lot. They had entered their car, finally on their way home. Remus had been impatient all night to go back to their house, he wanted to play with the new toys that his father hadn't let him bring to the dinner. He remembered his mother saying something about how cold was that night, it had snowed too; the road was slightly filled with white ice. His father turned on the heater and they were off. The radio was turned off since his parents were talking seriously about something that 5-year-old Remus didn't care about. He complained about the cold and how his hands had gone frozen. Her mother then turned around and grabbed his little hand softly, warming them with her hands. He smiled, feeling the warmth from his mother. Then suddenly, a big flash of lights appeared at the front, blinding everyone in the car and then everything was chunky in his memory. He remembered them hitting another car and how hard it had felt inside. His head had spun and his ears rang with the loud sound of the crash. The next thing he remembered was feeling excruciating pain all over his body, it was burning and aching as it had never been before. He remembered hearing the ambulance sirens screaming, or maybe it had been his own screams, he didn't know. Next, he kept waking up and passing out in a white room, not knowing what had happened and only thinking about where his parents were.

When he finally regained his conscience everyone looked at him sadly, as if he was some sort of a tragedy. He heard doctors say he had been in the hospital for a week, older Remus now knew he had been interned in the intensive care unit. His body had been completely covered in bandages and tubes poke out from his face to strange beeping machines. Strangers kept coming and going to his room, checking on him, then they all started telling him what happened.

An accident in his parents' car, he had been injured badly, but he was getting better now. They all talked at him with a soft pitiful tone. Oh, how he hated that tone. When he finally asked where his parents were the forced smiles dropped and they had to tell him that his parents had died. Remus at the time didn't even think that was possible.

No.

Parents were eternal, they didn't die, they stayed with you until you grow up completely. It couldn't be possible. But then they all said the same, that they weren't with them anymore. That was the moment when Remus felt his world crumble below his feet. He didn't know how to process any of it, how could he? He was barely a grown kid. He cried and cried for days, he couldn't stop crying. He did it so much that now Remus thought that all his tears had been used in that period of time after the accident.

Two days after he had woken up a young woman entered the room. She had warm skin, brown eyes, dark curls, and a pair of rectangular glasses. She smiled at Remus softly, different from how everyone else smiled at him -full of pity and clearly uncomfortable-. She had presented herself as Margarita Hernandez, and she had said she would help Remus find a new and better place to be. But he didn't want that, he didn't need a new place, he already had everything in his house. His toys, his clothes, his bed. He just wanted his parents, he wanted to feel her mum's warm hands again or hear his father's voice reading him from his books. He didn't need anything that the woman was promising to get him, and he refuse any help continuously.

But in the end, he really didn't have a say in that, the day he was released from the hospital was the same day as his parent's funeral. Mrs. Hernandez met him there and told him they will go somewhere new. A better place, she had said, where he would be like other kids like him, and they took a train out of Wales and into London.

'Waterfront' the letter on that entrance read. It was a short and old building, with peeling paint and a rusting playing ground on the side. Mrs. Hernandez had promised him she would see him often, that he had nothing to worry about, but when she pulled away and Remus was left in that strange place he felt like that wasn't entirely true.

Ten years had passed since that Winter, but the pain wasn't easier with time, it had just turned into an uncontrollable rage and numbness inside Remus, and he had to live with it forever.

December 30th, 1995

That Saturday evening Remus showed his face at the Dining Hall finally, after days of being alone in his room. He walked slowly to the line for dinner, grabbed a plate, and sat alone at the table James, Sirius, Peter, and he normally sat. He felt sick and tired, he didn't have any energy, not only mentally but physically too. He tossed the food around with his fork, not wanting to eat but knowing his body needed it since he hadn't eaten all day. 

He finished half of his food and went out of the Dining Hall to walk around the school. It was cold and dark, the hallways outside were covered with pieces of snow, his face felt icy, his eyes watering, and the tip of his nose frozen with the cold of that night. His mind felt like an empty space like a black hole sucking every last piece of happiness and leaving him with nothing but dead inside. He wondered how long would he last that way, some Decembers were better than others, he knew, but at that time he felt like he'd never be happy again. 

He walked to Godric, craving a cigarette or something that would keep him warm when he stumbled across Xeno and Flynn.

"Hey, Remus" Xeno yelled with a smile, walking toward him with Flynn on his side "how are you, mate? You have a face more somber than the night" he laughed, but Remus didn't find it one bit funny. He kept walking with his hands on the pockets of his jacket.

"Hey, are you alright?" Flynn intercepted him, grabbing his shoulder with a smirk. Remus rolled his eyes and shook off his hand softly.

"Yeah, jus' tired" he shrugged and continued his way to Lion.

"Wanna come with us? We're gonna light sum cigs and maybe other things at our dorm" Flynn offered and Remus stopped on his feet. That didn't sound like a bad idea to him, he wanted to smoke something after all, and who better to give him that than those two boys in front of him?

"Alright" he nodded and Flynn beamed widely.

"That's right, big Lupin's coming with us!" Xeno exclaimed and put his arm over Remus' shoulders. They arrived at Ravenclaw Hall and went to Xeno's room. It was decored in sort of a Hippie way, with posters and tapestries hanging from the walls, flags, and stuff all around. Remus sat in Xeno's bed, in front of a purple lava lamp, staring at how the liquid moved through the thing as Flynn and Xeno talked about something he didn't care about.

"Wanna smoke some weed, Remus?" Flynn asked with a smile and Remus nodded. He wanted anything that could get his mind out of that place he was. He saw Xeno take out a metal lunchbox from under his bed, he sat on a small inflatable couch he had in the room and started preparing the weed cigarettes.

"You know how to roll a spliff?" Flynn wondered, rolling one himself.

" 'm not that good" Remus admitted and Flynn chuckled.

"I could teach ya', practice makes perfect," he said raising his bushy eyebrows, and then he handed out the cigarette he'd just rolled for him.

"Cheers" Remus grabbed it and Flynn quickly rolled another one for himself. He took out a lighter from the pocket of his pants and offered the light to Remus, he put the spliff between his lips and came closer to Flynn's hands, lighting the joint. He dragged from it, feeling that distinct taste and burn on his throat, he coughed a little but then dragged again and released the thick smoke up at the ceiling. Xeno came up from his seat with the joint in his mouth and walked over to a small CD player on his cluttered desk. He put a disk on and music started playing.

'Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?' 

Flynn sat on the bed, beside Remus and turned at him with a smile "So, what's up? Why are you so blue?" he questioned and Remus groaned. 

" 'm smoking so I don't think about it" he pointed out, feeling a little light-headed already, and Flynn cackled.

"Fair, fair" the other boy nodded as he dragged from his joint "I hate Winter break y'know? I always stay here at Hogwarts. Situation at home isn't the best, you see" he raised his eyebrows "I kinda preferred staying here than listening to mum and pops yelling at each other and fixing it with sports cars and expensive booze" he laughed bitterly and Remus dragged from his cig not wanting to comment anything about Flynn's rich parents.

"Yeah...right" he nodded as he released the smoke from his mouth.

"Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying." Xeno sang out loud, dancing in slow and flowy moves around the room. Remus and Flynn turned to look at him "When I was a child I had a fever" Flynn laughed, looking amused at his friend.

Remus leaned back on the bed, resting his head on the headboard, feeling a little more relaxed already. He watched the other two boys singing and talking as his spliff burnt. After some time, Flynn walked over to Remus, dancing along to White Room, his eyes red and his smile melted on his face. He tried to pull Remus to dance with him but he refused, pushing his hands away. 

"Come on, Remus! Dance" he insisted, tousling his hair.

"Stop, I don't wanna" Remus pretested, swatting Flynn's hand. His arms felt heavy and his movements didn't respond as quickly as he wanted.

"Oh, I think what you need is something that cheers you up a little" Flynn's eyes widened and he rushed to Xeno's lunchbox. He took out a plastic bag with several colorful pills that looked like candies.

"What's that?" Remus asked watching the candy-like pills on Flynn's hand.

"Happiness in a pill," he said with a grin, holding one in front of Remus' face. The pill was pink and had a happy face on it. Remus had seen those kinds of drugs on the street before but had never dared to try them. 

"I don't have money, I can't buy it" Remus shook his head and Flynn cackled.

"Is on the house, to get that gloomy expression out of you" he slapped his shoulder and Remus stared at the pill. He felt dizzy already and the thought of adding another drug to his system didn't seem too bad at all. Flynn had said it was happiness in a pill, maybe he could use some. Just a little.

"Alright," he nodded and grabbed the pill from Flynn's hand. He looked at it for some long seconds before putting it in his mouth and biting into it.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Flynn said excitedly, he then grabbed another pill from the bag and put it in his mouth, before passing the bag to Xeno.

Remus didn't feel the effect immediately, he thought perhaps his sadness was so big that not even a drug could alter it. But after more than half an hour later he started to feel better all of the sudden. Everything was warm and merry, he felt the happiest he had ever been in days, maybe even in months. He laughed hard at anything Flynn or Xeno did and said. He even got up and danced with them to the music playing, he didn't know which song was or what artist was singing now, but he knew he didn't want the feeling to end. He felt like everything would be alright in the end, even if his parents had died or he was constantly alone, it didn't matter anymore. He couldn't remember why he was sad, to begin with.

How was he always sad when the world could look like that with just a colorful pill?

January 1st, 1996

His head was killing him. It was like somebody had hit him with a hammer repeatedly or thousands of needled were injecting themselves into his brain. The pain was sharp and agonizing. His temples vibrated at the side of his head, making his ears thump too like he had a loud drum in each one of them. Even opening his eyes was a hard task to do, the light hurt them and he just wanted to go back to sleep so the headache could stop.

"Remus?" he heard a voice by his side. Sirius?...James?...Peter?...Were they already there?

His eyelids opened lazily and it took him some seconds to adjust. He saw Caradoc standing beside his bed, looking at him with a worried expression. He opened his mouth to talk but it felt so dry and heavy that no words came out of it. Shivers ran through his body and then he noticed the sticky feeling of sweat plastered all over his skin. He felt sick and disgusting, the headache had gone worse in just a matter of seconds and now a wave of nausea had taken over his stomach. He turned his head to his desk, looking desperately for something to drink.

Water, I need water.

Caradoc seemed to catch on to this since he hurried to pass him a glass of water that stood on his desk. Remus chugged the liquid quickly, dripping some from the sides of his mouth and getting his shirt soaked. He placed the glass down again with shaky hands and then looked at Caradoc.

"What...what happened?" he breathed, with the only energy he found in his body. Caradoc pressed his lips together uncomfortably and glanced at the door.

"Well...Frank found you last night" he said "passed out on the doorstep. You were frozen, Remus, and gladly he took you in before you could die from hypothermia" Remus blinked several times, trying to process the things that Caradoc was telling him. He didn't remember passing out in front of Lion.

He recalled the day after his night with Flynn and Xeno, he had felt numb that morning, everything coming again, the sadness crushing him like a stone, so he went to Eagle again and asked for more 'happy pills' and he took some more. Then everything was flashes and blurry memories. He remembered walking around Godric with nothing but happiness in his mind, but nothing more after that. 

"What day is it?" he asked.

"The first. You missed New Year's Eve" Caradoc shrugged, and Remus looked away for a moment. Two days had passed, but it didn't seem like it. If Caradoc had told him it had been five days, a week, or a month since he had taken those pills he would've believed him as much as if he had told him it had only been an hour.

"Where's Frank?" he moved his legs, to stand up but Caradoc put a hand in front of his face, stopping him from doing so.

"Stay there, I'll get him," the other boy said before getting out of the room. Remus was alone again, and he felt something coming up his throat. He ran to the bathroom and released everything from his stomach into the toilet. He didn't even remember eating something, but apparently, he did. 

He dragged his feet out of the bathroom, feeling like he could break at any time, and saw Frank entering with a concerned face.

"Remus" the boy said and rushed to help him to his bed again "are you alright?"

"Sorta" he muttered, curling up under his sheets again.

It was a lie.

"God, you almost gave me a heart attack last night" he sighed, tiredly.

"What happened?" Remus questioned. Frank stared at him for a couple of minutes before talking again.

"Well, our New Year's party was coming to an end,  everyone had gone already and I was coming out to walk Alice to Hufflepuff Hall when I found you laying on the floor" Frank looked at him with a grave expression, "I thought you were dead, you looked paler than a ghost and your lips were blue. I brought you inside and noticed you were freezing, I thought you were having a hypothermic shock..." he paused and huffed, pressing his lips together, looking a little mad "but then I found these on your jacket" he took a small plastic bag out of his trousers and threw it on the desk. Remus saw the colorful pills inside and glanced at Frank embarrassed "I knew then that you were high off this world, you probably passed out from the drugs outside and were freezing to death" he shook his head, in reproach "luckily for you, only Alice and I saw them, that could mean an expulsion"

"I-"

"Look, Remus, I know you're free to do whatever you want and be friends with whoever, but please" he stared at him sternly "don't fall into Lovegood's habits" Remus bit the inside of his cheek.

"I-I won't" he said, looking at the floor, ashamed.

"Ok," Frank nodded "well...I think you know what to do with those, right?" he glanced at the pills on the desk and Remus nodded, not wanting to look him in the eyes. The older boy walked to the door and before getting out he added "Happy New Year, by the way"

"Happy New Year," Remus said faintly and saw Frank exiting his room. He stayed in bed for some minutes, contemplating everything that had happened. The regret and sorrow were already setting in. He stood up and grabbed the pills, walking to the bathroom. He emptied the bag into the toilet and flushed the pills away. He went back to his bed and stayed there for hours, staring at the ceiling and shaking. He tried to sleep again but his headache didn't let him so he resigned himself to being alone with his thoughts again.

He wondered what his parents would think if they could see him right now. They probably won't be very proud of him.

January 5th, 1996

The pills had left him feeling like a zombie, he barely had any appetite and he felt like his brain had shut down completely. Even with that, he still craved the pills. He wanted to feel happy again, but he knew he shouldn't take them. He spent the days alone at the castle again. He didn't want to talk or be with anybody else, especially not around Frank, who he now feared hated him for some reason.

Still, that Friday morning he had woken up a little bit better. He remembered that the other students would arrive the next day, and that, somehow, had gotten him in a better mood.

He walked lazily to the bathroom meeting his reflection in the mirror. He not only felt like a zombie but he also looked like one. Dark circles surrounded his hazel eyes and his face was devoided of any color, his hair was a tangled mess and he had a sickly look all over.

He rinse his face with cold water and brushed his teeth, then decided it would be a great time to cut his hair. His curls had grown too much, spilling under his ears and over his forehead. He grabbed a pair of scissors from his trunk and wetted his hair under the sink. He trimmed the edges and gave shape to his hair as he liked.

After being that many years alone, he had learned how to cut his hair by himself. At Waterfront they offered a haircut to every kid inside the orphanage that asked for it. Remus had been dumb enough to ask for one some months later after arriving. It was summer and his hair was long and was getting uncomfortable with the heat, so he had asked the house mother to cut his hair. A big mistake. She had buzzed his head completely, cutting the curls his mother used to love. He had cried that night and promised himself he would never ask again for a haircut there. About a year later, he grabbed paper scissors and cut his hair by himself for the first time. It hadn't been great, but he felt much better having his head full of hair than buzzed. Eventually, he learned how to do it correctly. He gave himself a trim often, just so he didn't end up looking like a hippie -or Sirius now-.

He then grabbed all of his dirty and smelly clothes that hadn't been washed for weeks and went to the basement to do his laundry. He changed his sheets and organized his desk. He even put Olivia's book deep into his saddle so he could return it another day, he didn't want that book with him anymore. He didn't know where he had found all the energy and motivation to do it all, but he felt better after it.

He went to the school and walked around it for some time, looking at the same couple of paints and tapestries. He thought about that weird fireplace on the other side and changed his course toward that tapestry with the countryside. But before he could set foot on the other side of the school he stumbled upon Professor McGonagall. The woman raised her eyebrows when she saw him.

"Mr. Lupin, haven't seen you in a while" she commented, "what are you doing around here?"

"Jus' walking" he replied, putting his hands in his pockets "uhm, happy New Year, professor"

"Oh, happy New Year to you too, Mr. Lupin," she said, her small lips quirking up a little bit. She looked at a clipboard in his hands and then at Remus "would you help me carry some things to Gryffindor Hall?" she asked but she must have known Remus couldn't say no, not to her at least.

"Ok," they entered the Administration Building through the door beside the memory wall. They appeared on the other side of the building, under the big stairs, and he followed her up to her office. In there, there were two sealed boxes over her desk.

"We need to get these to Lion and Scarlet, these are new blankets since the temperatures had gone horribly low lately" she shooked her head and Remus nodded, agreeing with her. He went over to the desk and grabbed one of the boxes when he noticed a framed picture of a Tabby cat.

"D'you have a cat, professor?" he asked, curiously,  he had thought of her as a strict woman who didn't show her feelings, but seeing that pink frame with hearts all over made him think otherwise.

"Oh yeah, that's Mr. Whiskers," she said casually as she grabbed the other box from the desk.

"Mr. Whiskers?" he repeated, holding back a laugh. That name was totally ridiculous.

"Yes, why? Is there a problem with that, Mr. Lupin? Do you find it funny?" she questioned sternly, raising an eyebrow at him and walking to the door. Remus opened his eyes widely and pressed his lips together, removing the small grin that had been there.

"Oh, no, no, of course not," he said quickly, walking down the stairs behind her. He didn't want to be on the bad side of the head of the house. But then he noticed how her lips quirked up a little.

"I'm just messing with you, Mr. Lupin, it is a little funny" she chuckled while she opened the door of the Administration Building. Remus frowned, startled by the interaction, and followed her outside.

McGonagall, joking? That was something new.

"He's one of my many cats back home" she explained, walking up the path to Godric's Campus "my children" she smiled slightly.

"So you don't have any children?" he questioned, walking beside her.

"Oh dear lord, no!" she gasped, horrified "I wouldn't dare, I have enough with my students," she shook her head repeatedly "especially with students like Mr. Potter and Mr. Black" Remus chuckled "and I guess you too, now" McGonagall glanced at him pointedly.

"Yeah, well...I didn't expect to be their friend really" he shrugged and McGonagall hummed, looking forward.

"I didn't expect it either, to be honest. Black was the last person I thought you would be friends with, given what happened between you two" she stressed and Remus snorted a bit.

"We're past that, I think" he frowned slightly and she hummed again.

"I just wished you four boys would stop getting into trouble so much, I'm going to end up without a single hair at the end of this year if you continue this way" the professor commented.

"I'll try. I don't promise anything" she sighed deeply.

"I'm also glad you've found good friends around Hogwarts, them and Miss Evans, Mckinnon, and Macdonald" she smiled and Remus nodded "You know, even if the headmaster and I don't see things eye to eye often, he's right on what he said on Christmas Eve" McGonagall looked at him "the people around you are your biggest strength"

Remus thought about his friends and how excited he was that the next day he would finally see them again.

He had missed them.

Chapter Text

"I tried to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I tried to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'Cause boys don't cry"

-Boys Don't Cry, The Cure

January 6th, 1996

Remus had been impatient that entire Saturday, and even if he hated to admit it, he kept glancing at his watch and walking near the path for the buses, in case he could catch a glimpse of one coming down the road. But all the students would arrive around 4 pm, he knew that, and the last time he had checked his watch it said 1:13 pm.

He hated himself for being so pathetic. He used to think he didn't need friends or anyone else, but then there he was, counting the minutes so they arrive.

When he finally saw the first bus pull to the bus stop he felt a huge wave of relief in his body. He saw the others coming behind it and stayed back for a few minutes, so he didn't seem desperate to see them. He told himself he should play it cool, it wasn't like they were gone for a year, it only had been three weeks.

Three long weeks.

But when he saw Lily come down the bus first, a huge grin slipped into his face. Then he saw the girls, Peter and James coming behind her. Remus walked quickly to where they were collecting their trunks and bags, and when Lily noticed him she beamed.

"Remus!" she exclaimed, hurrying to where he was and pulling him into a tight hug that surprised him. The sudden reaction alerted the other four making them turn to him and smile at his presence.

"How have you been? You look like you haven't slept in weeks" Lily pointed out with worried eyes.

"I'm fine, jus' stayed up late, reading" he gave her a reassuring smile as if everything was good. At least it was now that she was there.

"Oi, Remus!" James ran toward them with his suitcase in hand, accidentally hitting Lily a little with the case "sorry" he widened his eyes and pressed his lips together, like a little kid who had been caught doing something wrong.

"It's fine" Lily wave dismissively and Remus frowned.

That was weird. She didn't yell at him, or tell him to go away, or roll her eyes at him, or groan annoyed by his presence. Remus had the feeling that something had happened during Winter break that had made the girl softer to James Potter. He'd have to ask her later.

The others got closer and greeted Remus too with rapid and excited talks about what they had done during the break and what they got for Christmas, but Remus knew someone was missing from them. He looked over their heads, checking at the distance to see if he could spot him, and there he was, coming from behind the bus with his trunk in his hand and his head bowed.

Sirius walked to where they were and Remus opened his mouth to say something snarky at him, but the other boy kept walking without even acknowledging Remus. He scowled and watched him go up the path toward the school. He looked back at James and Peter to seek answers but James only told him not to worry about it. It seemed like Sirius was still in the same mood he had when he left and Remus wasn't going to question it at that point. He was just glad everyone was back.

They walked to Gryffindor Hall and the girls parted ways to Scarlet Building while they entered Lion. He saw Frank greeting his friends that had just arrived. Remus glanced at James and Peter -who were talking with him about their trip to an ice ring near their houses- and he recalled something on the spot.

"Uhm, I'll go in a second, I have summ'it to do first," he told them and when they had disappeared up the stairs he walked over to Frank "Hey, uhm, can we talk?" the older boy frowned slightly but nodded after, stepping aside from his friends.

"What's up?"

"I...was jus' going to ask you..." Remus put his hands inside his jacket "if you could please not say what happened the other day...at New Year's Eve," he looked away, ashamed, thinking that he'd probably been mad at him for the other night; but Frank gave him a soft smile that washed away any of those assumptions.

"Remus, I wasn't going to say anything anyways" he put a hand over his shoulder and Remus sighed in relief.

"Alright" he nodded, he didn't want anyone else, especially his friends, to know about the drugs "And Alice..."

"She won't say anything either, I promise you that" he assured, confidently.

"Thanks" he murmured and went up to the third floor as quickly as he could.

When he arrived at room C-12 he saw Sirius already setting his record player again on his desk. He had a troubled expression, like something was bothering him.

"Hey," he said casually as if he hadn't seen him down at the buses minutes ago. Sirius didn't look back at him, he just continued to organize his box of records beside the player. Remus frowned, now he knew he was purposely ignoring him. He was about to say something else, something that would make things worse, letting himself carried away by his anger; when suddenly James popped his head on the door.

"Remus! Would you come here a second?" Remus looked at James and then at Sirius again. The other boy hadn't left his sight off his disks, not even to glimpse at his best friend.

"Sure" he left the room, thinking about how ridiculous those moods of Sirius were. He was so dramatic. He entered room C-11 and saw Peter hanging up some posters on his wall.

"Look Remu! I got this for Christmas, isn't it cool?" Peter handed him a Beatles poster that appeared to be signed by the members of the band.

"Are those...?"

"Yes, the real signatures of Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, George Harrison, and John Lennon" Peter stated proudly and Remus' jaw hit the floor.

"How did you even get that?" Remus asked stunned.

"My parents have contacts in Parlophone" he grinned widely and Remus snorted slightly.

" 'Course" obviously Peter's parents knew the people that had signed The Beatles, how wouldn't they?

"Oh! Look at this" James said excitedly and handed him a Discman with a pair of headphones. Remus had never even held one of those. It was the latest model too "my mum gave it to me and my pops bought me a whole CD collection to go with it" he said showing him a shoe box filled with CDs, his smile was so wide his dimples were deep-carved into his cheeks, and Remus couldn't help but feel a little tint of sadness.

He had never had things like those. He had never received the latest Discman for Christmas, and obviously not a signed poster by the biggest band in history. He knew he couldn't compare himself with them -James' dad was a Football star for god's sake- but sometimes he'd wished that his life would be easier and he could also have things like those.

"That's great, James" he smiled and gave the Discman back to James, afraid he might drop it.

"Oh, and I have something else to show you" he snapped his fingers walking over to his suitcase. Remus glanced over to where Pete was and saw the big poster of The Beatles over his bed beside one of the Arsenal.

"Looks good, Pete," he told him, and the other boy smiled.

"Cheers, Remus"

"Here" James gave him a big rectangular box.

"What's this?" he questioned, grabbing the box with his eyebrows pulled together.

"Just open it" James insisted as he looked at him with a huge grin and twinkling eyes. Remus removed the lid on the box and saw a folded sweater -red with two yellow stripes- and a smaller box full of treats beside it. He froze in place and stared at the content of the box for a few seconds before looking up at the boy with the glasses.

"James, what?-"

"Is a Christmas present for you!" he exclaimed excitedly and Remus glared at the box, disconcerted.

"What, I-No" Remus breathed and James' smile dropped.

"What d'you mean 'no'?" the boy frowned.

"I-I didn't get you anything, I can't accept this" Remus shoved the box back to James, and the other boy looked more confused than ever.

"Remus, you don't have to give me anything. I like to give Christmas presents to all of my friends" James chuckled slightly.

"He gave me mine back at home" Peter interjected.

"And I gave Sirius his on the train, yours was the one that was missing" James added and Remus glanced between the gift and him.

It was strange, for sure. He had never received anything that wasn't from his parents. Well, he had never had friends before, but he hadn't expected that one of them would do something like that. If he'd known James would get him presents he'd probably have searched for something to give the boy, even if he said he didn't need anything. It felt wrong to receive the present and not give anything back. Still, what could he have gotten for him? He had no money. He could've stolen something, but he didn't think that giving your friends something that you stole was good.

" 'r you sure?" he questioned again and James nodded with a soft laugh.

"I know how much you like wearing those types of jumpers, so I got you one with Gryffindor's colors so you can go to the Football games and support the team" he explained "and my mom send you some Indian sweets" he pointed at the other smaller box "oh, and my dad wants to meet you, he says he's gonna make you love Football whether you want it or not" James laughed and Remus felt a small twinge in his chest.

"You talked to your parents 'bout me?" he asked weakly. Nobody had ever cared that much about him.

"Of course" James snorted as if it was ridiculous for Remus to even question that. He looked down at the box again and pressed his lips together.

He didn't know what he had done to have friends like them and the girls. He clearly didn't deserve it, but somehow he had found them in the least expected place.

"Thanks, I love it" he smiled slightly, he didn't know if James expected him to have a bigger reaction or hug him, he wasn't good with that.

"I'm glad you like it" James grinned widely. Remus put the lid back on the box, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. He ought to get James something, at least for his birthday, whenever that was. Suddenly, music started playing loudly in his room and he remembered the gloomy presence inside room C-12.

"Uhm, is something going up with Black?" he asked and the other two exchanged nervous glances with each other. James sighed deeply and looked at Remus.

"He just gets like that whenever he visits his family" James explained, lowering his voice.

"So that's because of his family?" he questioned, glancing at Peter. He had told him once that the Black family was horrible, and one of the last things Sirius had told him before the break was that he was dreading going back to his house. Sirius had been whining about boring dinners and his awful family. Remus wondered how awful were they really, they couldn't be that bad, right? They were his family after all.

"It will pass in a couple of days" Peter added with a hopeful smile and James nodded, agreeing with him. It seemed like they had gone through that same situation several times before and were already used to it.

"Alright"

A couple of days.

January 7th, 1996

The next day Sirius was still in the same mood. The night before when Remus had decided to finally leave room C-11 and go to his own bed, he had made it as if the other boy wasn't there at all, but he had been tempted to tell him something when Led Zeppelin was still playing at 1 am. Thankfully, Frank knocked on the door and told Sirius to turn off the music. He had grumbled but still listened to the older boy. Then, about an hour later, Remus heard the other boy getting out of their room and entering James and Peter's. He didn't think much about it, he had done it before, so he went back to sleep.

That morning Sirius didn't wake up when his alarm rang, he just slammed the clock and continued sleeping. Remus glanced at the boy before going out of the room and down to the Dining Hall with James and Peter.

After he grabbed his breakfast he went over to the girls' table, he hadn't got the chance to talk with them yet. When he arrived the three girls received him with smiles.

Marlene told them about his trip to Los Angeles and how she had met about every celebrity that existed in the US. 'Aunt Stevie even got me a shawl' she said and Remus could only guess that she was referring to the great Stevie Nicks, Lily had shrieked excitedly at this -since Fleetwood Mac was her favorite band-. Remus listened to her astounded by every name she dropped.

It was incredible to Remus that her friend had met people that he'd only seen on television and newspaper, people that sometimes felt like they weren't real. He was a little bit jealous, but not in a bad way, he knew that most people didn't have Marlene's opportunity, including him.

Throughout Marlene's speech, Remus also noticed that Mary wasn't looking all too well. She kept glancing over Lily to the tables at the back and her eyes were full of sadness and worry. She didn't talk much. She didn't talk at all really, which was unlike her.

They finished their breakfast and walked to Godric. Mary was at the front with Marlene talking about something, probably the reason why she looked so gloomy. He stayed with Lily at the back.

"Is Mary alright?" he asked the redhead.

"Uhm, is something private of hers, I can't tell you really" she shrugged.

"Oh, right" Remus nodded. He knew he wouldn't go anywhere trying to ask Lily more about Mary. If one thing was for sure girls kept secrets very well, it was probably easier to get the secrets out of an MI6 agent than a girl and her best friends.

"And how was it? Going back home" he asked her. He knew that her home life wasn't perfect, at all, and she had looked a little worried to see her sister again over the break.

"As good as it could've gone" she smiled slightly, crossing her arms over her chest "Tuney didn't talk to me, of course, she hardly acknowledge the fact that I was there" her little smile was full of sadness "my parents tried to ease everything out but nothing worked" she shrugged "oh, and she has this new boyfriend, his name is Vernon and he's literally the most boring man I've ever talked with" she chuckled and Remus smirked, "I seriously don't know what she sees in him" Lily shook her head.

"Well, maybe he has money" Remus joked and Lily laughed.

"Maybe, but well, it was nice to see them again" she assured. Remus then remembered something that he had to ask the girl.

"Did sumtin' else happened during the break?" he questioned, arching a brow and she looked at him confused.

"Something like what?"

"I don't know, something with...James?" he wondered and the girl widened her eyes a bit, "I noticed yesterday when he hit you with his trunk that you didn't even look at him badly"

"Oh, that" she chuckled nervously and put a strand of hair behind her ear "it's nothing really, just that..." she sighed and glanced at him "he called me after Christmas to wish me happy Holidays, and we kind of talked for the rest of that day" Remus raised his eyebrows and stared at his friend, surprised "I was just bored and had nothing to do really, so...yeah. He had asked for my number on the train back home and I'd given it to him I don't know why. I didn't expect him to call really" her lips quirked up slightly. Remus glared at the girl curiously wearing a smile on his face. Lily turned to him and huffed when he saw his expression.

"Don't look at me like that Remus, it wasn't a big deal" she scolded, letting her smile disappear from her face "and we only talked that day, it's not like he called me every single day" she rolled her eyes.

"But you wanted him to" Remus stated with a side grin and Lily opened her mouth.

" 'Course not, stop!" she shoved him softly and Remus laughed.

"You like him now?"

"I wouldn't say that" she raised her chin "I...he can be likable, sometimes, but he's still the same Potter, childish and unserious"

"Have you ever thought of asking him why he bothers you so much?" he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't need to ask, it's obvious he sees me like some price to be won, some missing check in his list of girls" she shook her head "I won't let him treat me like that, Remus, I deserve better," she said confidently.

"And what if it's not that? Maybe it's something else" he shrugged and Lily frowned at him.

"Are you saying that because you truly believe that or because you're his friend now?" she questioned with a little smirk.

"I believe that"

"Well, I don't. If he wants to talk sometimes like we did that day, that's fine, but it's not like I'm going to fall in love with James Potter now, for god's sake" she raised her hands.

"I know, I know, don't worry" Remus chuckled, he looked at Mary and Marlene a couple of steps in front of them "do they know?"

"Of course" she snorted, "I told them the next day" she laughed and Remus wondered why had he thought differently.

They got to Scarlet Building, which didn't make the house girl too glad to see a boy around there, but Marlene convinced her somehow to let Remus go to their room. The place was really different than Lion, it smelled good and was a lot more organized than the boys' dorms. When they got to the room on the second floor, Remus could easily tell which side was Marlene's and which was Lily's. The bed beside the window was filled with posters of every single band in existence, while the other side had carefully organized books over the desk and a single photo of the three girls pasted on the wall. The girls made themselves comfortable, but Remus didn't know where to sit. It wasn't correct to just lay in a bed with a girl, even if he didn't see them like that and had no intentions whatsoever of doing anything. He went over to the window and leaned shyly on the wall beside it.

"C'mon, Remus you can sit, we don't bite" Marlene laughed and signed to her bed, in the empty space beside Mary. She was sitting on her desk, checking something. He nodded and sat on the far end of the bed, leaving plenty of space between Mary and him. The girl had her head down and was playing with a small pillow on Marlene's bed.

"Hey, Mary?" he mumbled and the girl looked up "are you alright?" he asked with a little smile.

"Well," she glanced over to Lily and then at Marlene before looking at him again. Remus noticed how the blond and the redhead had stopped doing their things to look attentively at Mary. She sighed and hugged her legs, putting her chin over her knees "not really...Daryl didn't write or call during the Winter break, not even a hello or a 'happy Christmas' " she pressed her lips together, sadness covering her face. Lily stood up from her bed and got herself beside Mary, throwing an arm around her and hugging her tightly.

"Have you talked with him?" Remus questioned and Mary shook her head.

"We haven't seen each other yet, last night we were busy settling in and I didn't see him at breakfast today" she shrugged, and Marlene put her hand over Mary's, trying to comfort her "and I don't know, I feel like he's avoiding me" she closed her eyes and sighed deeply, Lily leaned her head on Mary's shoulder.

"Men are shit" Marlene groaned "no offense, Remus" she glanced at him.

"Non-taken" he knew that she hadn't meant him, and if she had, he wouldn't blame her.

"I just wished he would say something, it would be much easier if he just breaks up with me right now than leave me wondering!" she groaned and Lily brushed her arms.

"Don't say that"

"He's a fucking coward, Mary" Marlene huffed, angrily.

"Marls!" Lily raised her eyebrows and the blond raised her hands.

"What d'you want me to tell you, Lils? That's true!" she shrugged and Lily shook her head.

"Let's talk about something else" Lily suggested looking at Marlene and him "Remus, why don't you tell us how was your break here at the school?" she smiled and Remus glanced between the girls.

What was he supposed to say? That it had been the shittiest days of the year? Or that he had been high for two days consecutively and almost die of hypothermia? Yeah, he didn't think so.

"Uhm...well, not much happened really" he started pulling a small loose thread on Marlene's quilt "we had a small party on Christmas Eve, 'was alright...Woods had mistletoe and made Frank and that Hufflepuff girl, Alice, kiss" the three girls snapped their heads at him, even Mary had her mouth opened now.

"Frank and Alice kissed?!" they exclaimed and Remus frowned, not understanding where the sudden interest had come from.

"Uh, yeah? Is that important?" the girls shared a look like they were sending a message telepathically to each other.

"I mean, it's not a matter that would change nations, but it's a thick piece of gossip" Mary pointed out with a smile. Remus didn't understand why Frank kissing Alice was such a big deal, but he was pleased that Mary was now happy again.

"I would've never thought that Alice liked Frank" Lily mumbled, still stunned by the news.

"D'you know her?" Remus questioned.

"Nah, but we don't need to, gossip goes around Hogwarts like water, it's easy to know anything about anyone if you listen carefully enough," Mary told him as if was obvious "See, Alice was dating this guy, Leo, that graduated last year, but they broke up on Valentine's day..." Mary explained the whole story of Alice to them, Lily and Marlene adding some things here and there. Remus didn't care much about Alice or gossip, but he was just glad to hear them talk and spend time with them.

At dinner, he went over to the boys' table, his head full of gossip and stories of almost everyone in Year 13 and how they connected to each other. He could probably do a map about that now, not that it would be useful or important, but he knew he was capable after hours with the girls.

He sat down with a tired smile and noticed that Sirius finally had joined them. He was lazily cutting his steak and didn't remove his eyes from the food. Peter and James were the only ones talking. James glanced worriedly at his best friend now and then, but Sirius didn't seem eager to participate, not even when James had brought up pranks ideas. Once, James shoved him playfully and Sirius flinched, making a pained expression and unsettling everyone at the table, even Remus. The long-haired boy didn't say a word about it and James laughed it off nervously. Sirius looked up seconds later and locked eyes with Remus accidentally for a moment. He saw his stormy eyes filled with sadness and they looked a lot less alive than before. Sirius looked down almost immediately and didn't gaze at any of them again.

A couple of days, he reminded himself.

January 12th, 1996

A couple of days had passed and Sirius hadn't changed that much, at least not with him. The boy started talking more at the table but he only ever addressed James or Peter, even when Remus talked he didn't look at him which made him mad. When they were alone in their room Sirius avoided him like the plague and every night he would sneak to Room C-11. Making Remus think that Sirius wasn't having just a normal tantrum but had a problem with him instead. Remus was starting to think he was regretting being his friend, that he was going back to the time when they hated each other. Maybe he'd realize Remus wasn't around his league or wasn't worth his time anymore, either way, it filled him with anger.

They had started classes that week and Sirius tried to change places with Mary again, but Binns had told him to stay with Remus, which made the other boy groan and Remus wants to kick Sirius' chair.

At least they had gotten a good great in that huge project Binns had assigned them.

The teachers gave them back their finals and Remus was pleased to see the grades on the papers, a lot of B's a some A's. Even in French, he had gotten a B, barely, but still was a B. He would've thanked Sirius but he knew if he got close to the boy he would probably end up adding another detention to his record.

That Friday night, Lion Building was filled -once again- with people from all over Godric. It was Woods' birthday so the Year 13's and the whole Gryffindor Football team had to make a big deal out of it of course. There was enough booze to give the entire school alcohol poisoning, the music was loud and quick, cups were laying on the floor and most of the people were huddled in the Common Room since it was freezing cold outside.

Peter was talking with him on a corner, James and Sirius were nowhere to be seen, probably talking privately as, lately, they started to take the habit of doing so. There had been a couple of times when the older boy would pull his best friend away to talk, leaving Remus and Peter alone at the table. Thankfully, Peter was a great companion and he always found things to talk about with each other. But it still made Remus mad how Sirius would simply interrupt them mid-conversation and grab James at any given moment as if their things weren't as important.

He saw the girls entering the Common Room moments later. He waved at them and they smiled, walking to where the two boys were. They all looked very pretty. Mary had even put about a dozen of small butterfly clips all over her scalp. Remus gave her a comforting smile that she hardly matched. The girl had spent the entire week looking worried and that night wasn't the exception. She had told Remus one day that they were walking to History class, that Daryl and she had talked, but the boy hadn't seemed so eager to do so and didn't really seek her anymore after that.

They got drinks and chatted for a while, the girls and Peter seemed to get along pretty well. Marlene even got into a conversation with the shorter boy about some music producer they both knew thanks to their parents.

"Uhm, where's James and Sirius?" Lily asked only for Remus to hear.

"Oh, I dunno, Sirius' is still in one of his moods so they're probably together" he shrugged, sipping on his beer, feeling a little more easy-going after a couple of pints in his system.

"Right"

"Why d'you ask?" he questioned with a small smirk on his lips. Lily noticed it and rolled her eyes.

"Don't start, I was just surprised to see both of you without your other arm and leg" she signed at Peter with her head and Remus laughed.

"Which is which?"

"I don't know" she threw her arms in the air "does that matter?" she snorted and Remus shook his head.

"If I see James, I'll tell him you're looking for him" Remus nodded and Lily opened her eyes widely.

"Do not do that!" she scolded, slapping his shoulder, and he laughed "he'd probably think I'm obsessed with him or something, his ego will get bigger if that's even possible"

"He probably wouldn't shut up about it either" Remus pointed out and Lily agreed with him "but if I was him, I would run away from you at any party, don't want to get my nose broken or sum" Lily opened her mouth with a smile

"Oh, you think you're very funny, Remus Lupin" Lily shook her head once again, looking like an old lady, and Remus burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, Lils, I had to do it"

"I think you've had enough of those" she tried to take the can from his hands but he moved it before she could reach it.

"Not quite. I'm getting another, in fact, would you like some?" he offered and Lily nodded softly with a smile.

He walked to the kitchen and grabbed two more beers for Lily and him. When he got out he stumbled with Dalia, standing right at the entrance of the building and looking around with her arms crossed and a concerned expression. When she spotted him her face relaxed a little and walked up to him.

"Hey, Remus, how are ya'? Have you seen Sirius?" she asked.

"Uhm, no, he's with James, I think" he pressed his lips together and saw the girl sighing deeply.

"Right...of course" she nodded and then her lips quirked up to one side "sometimes I feel like James is more of his girlfriend than I am" she joked, laughing forcefully and Remus chuckled slightly. Dalia reminded Remus of the situation with Mary and Daryl, she was probably feeling the same since Sirius seemed to not talk with anyone that wasn't James and sometimes Peter.

"If you see him could you tell him I'm looking for him?" Dalia asked, hopeful, and Remus nodded.

"Course"

"Thanks, Remus" she smiled at him and walked away. Remus sighed deeply and went over to Lily, it was incredible how even if he wasn't even there Sirius' problems still affected everyone around.

About an hour and a half later, Sirius and James finally came down the stairs, both with stern expressions as if they had come from an important business meeting. When they reached the bottom James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and told him something that seemed important. Remus noticed how the other boy just rolled his grey eyes and shook off James' hand, continuing to walk to the kitchen. James spotted them after that.

"Hello" he greeted, his eyes looking tired but his face lighting up when he saw Lily "alright, Evans?" he smiled.

"Hello, Potter," she said, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. Remus glanced between the two and then to his sides to see if anyone else was witnessing the same as he was. Mary was also looking at the two with her lips parted with amusement and then shared a look with Remus; they laughed and Mary shook her head, she was probably thinking also that they would've never see the day when Lily Evans would be nice to James Potter.

"Hey, James, where's Sirius?" Marlene asked curiously.

"Oh, he's around, just having a little moment" James smirked calmly at the girl and switched his eyes over her shoulder, looking around worriedly.

The six of them continued talking throughout the night, it was nice for Remus to see his two friend groups getting along well. Marlene had insisted that they took tequila shots at one point, backed by James, and Remus knew it had been a mistake to do it when he started to feel heavy a couple of minutes after taking the shot. Everyone was more relaxed and they found themselves laughing about the stupidest things, even Lily, who rolled her eyes at James' jokes but when he looked away Remus noticed how the girl's lip quirked up in a smile.

The party was a success for everyone, especially the Year 13s who looked like they were having a blast. He even saw Frank and Alice cuddling on the sofa. But not everyone was having a good time that night. Remus saw at the far end of the Common Room how Sirius and Dalia were discussing something, the girl was talking rapidly at the boy but he was looking elsewhere with a bottle of booze in his hand. They exchanged a couple more words and then Dalia threw her hands into the air, exasperated, and walked away from the boy with a frown on her pretty face. Sirius rolled his eyes and chugged directly from the bottle.

"Hey, is Sirius alright?" he told James and they both turned to see Sirius stumbling across the Common Room to where they were. He looked pretty wasted already, a couple of steps before he could even reach their spot, he tripped with a coffee table, almost falling down to the ground, but James was quick to catch him. Sirius pulled back immediately and shook his head.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" he grumbled, standing up again. James stared at him and Sirius rolled his eyes once again "don't look at me like that Prongs, I'm alright, ok? This is a party" he opened his arms and stepped back "and in parties we have fun" he yelled and smashed the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor and everyone around hooted with excitement. Sirius gave them a forced smirk and then walked away before any of them could say anything.

"Pads!" James shouted before running after his best friend,

"I'll be back in a second" Peter excused himself and followed James to who knows where. Remus sighed and told himself just to ignore everything. If Sirius didn't want to be friends with him anymore he'll have it his way. He was acting like a spoiled little kid and Remus couldn't stand it. He was treating everyone like he wanted, not caring if hurt feelings or looked like an absolute arse in the way.

James and Peter came some minutes later with grave faces.

"Is he alright?" Marlene asked.

"Yeah, he just went to the rooftop, he needs some time alone" James waved dismissively.

"The rooftop? It's freezing outside" Lily pointed out, horrified.

"He wanted to be there" James shrugged and Remus glanced at the door. James and Peter were probably too nice to Sirius, somebody had to get him down off that cloud he was traveling and tell him to get over it. And after a couple of drinks and bottled up anger he thought that the person should be him. He started walking to the door but Lily stopped him.

"Remus, where're you going?"

"Uhm, jus' to smoke," he said quickly and went out of the Common Room after grabbing his jacket.

He walked around the building, searching for the way to the top. On the wall on the left, he saw some metal stairs and started going up. They weren't as stable as he thought and Remus wondered how the other boy had managed to go up in the inebriated state he was. When he reached the top he saw Sirius sitting on the small wall with a new bottle of alcohol.

He walked a couple of steps and stopped all of a sudden, thinking why he was actually there, he shouldn't waste his time on him. No. He should be downstairs enjoying the party with his friends and maybe smoking a cig. He was putting too much importance on Sirius Black. He would just get exactly what he wanted: attention. He was about to turn around and go down the dodgy stairs again when Sirius turned his head, noticing his presence. He moved his whole body around and looked at Remus with a scowl.

"What are you doing here?" he said with disdain and Remus felt something switch inside him. If he was going to ignore him before that hostile reaction had changed everything. His alcohol-infused brain was telling him to go and punch his perfect white teeth, and ruin his nose a little bit more perhaps.

"For once I wanna know what the fuck has gotten into you?" Remus said, his words coming out heavier than normal.

"Go away, Lupin" Sirius said, a thick haze coming out of his mouth from how cold it was.

"Oh, it's Lupin now, right?" he laughed bitterly "you've been treating me like shit since you arrived...you've been treating everyone like shit, in fact" he pointed at him with his finger, walking up to him. Sirius had his jaw clenched and stared at Remus with dark eyes "I know you have some kind of issue right now, but you are acting like everyone around you is fucking responsible for your problems instead of fucking growing up and get over them" Remus pressed his finger on Sirius' chest, getting face to face with the other boy.

"You don't know what it's like, what it's like to be me" Sirius spat, pushing Remus away and making him step back. He could feel the poison incoming on his tongue, venom burning his throat and pleading to get out.

"Oh, poor Sirius Black, with all his millions and rich family, he truly has a hard life" Remus laughed with scorn. Sirius eyes filled with rage and pain.

"Fuck off!" Sirius growled, pushing Remus again "you don't know anything!" he shoved him again, his blue-grey eyes burning with the same fire that Remus was feeling inside "you know nothing about my family!" Sirius pushed him once again, harder this time and Remus felt like a bomb had set off inside his head.

"Yeah, I know nothing 'bout your family. What would I know about family when mine's dead anways?" he exploded and immediately realized what he had said out loud. Sirius' face twisted in confusion and Remus stepped back with terror.

He wasn't supposed to say that.

Nobody was supposed to know. Sirius wasn't supposed to know. The words had come out of his mouth as easily as breathing. He was supposed to keep it a secret, don't let anybody know that he was a bloody orphan. If he had just kept quiet, if he had just flipped Sirius off and gone back down his secret would've still been that, a secret. But now Sirius Black knew.

"W-what?" Sirius mumbled, stunned by the reveal. Remus panicked instantly and ran to the stairs, going down as fast as he could. All of the alcohol and anger had worn off of his body and he felt panic settling in instead. He didn't even go back with Lily and the others, he ran off to the third floor and locked himself in his room. His breaths were short and his heart felt like it would come out of his chest at any given moment.

Why? Why? Why had he been so stupid to say that? Why had he gotten carried away by his anger again? He cursed himself and his fucked-up brain for it.

He feared that James and Peter would find out next and later the girls. They would all see him differently then, with pity and sadness. He had worked so hard to stop being a tragedy to others, to finally be something more than just an orphan or a poor criminal, and now everything had gotten to shit thanks to his loose mouth.

"Fuck!" he groaned and then sighed deeply, falling into the edge of his bed. He looked out of the window and saw the moon high in the sky, taunting him.

Fuck you too.

January 13th, 1996

Remus didn't want to see Sirius. He didn't want to talk to him, he didn't want to look at him, he didn't even want to be in the same room as him. He was avoiding the boy at all costs. The night before he had 'gone to sleep' earlier so when Sirius had come stumbling into the room he wouldn't try to ask him anything or talk about the matter. He was hoping Sirius had been wasted enough to not remember anything about their spat last night, but he wasn't totally sure about it.

He also was avoiding all of his friends in case they had gotten the news already. He didn't want to face them and have to explain everything. He didn't believe that just a week earlier he had been thinking how lucky he had gotten to have found friends finally. He shouldn't have counted on it, he had sabotaged himself completely.

He had even skipped Track practice. Victoria will probably murder him if she would have him back on the team. The only thing he could do was smoke and think about what he would do next.

If he had learned something about Hogwarts in the past few months, it was that rumors flew quicker than the flu. It was just a matter of time before everyone at the school knew about him. He couldn't escape Hogwarts, that would certainly end his deal with the judges and get himself thrown into a YOI. And even if it hurt like hell, he didn't want to be with his friends if they will look at him differently. He preferred to eat with Filch. He could plead to Sirius to not say anything, but the boy probably already told James about it, at least. And if that hadn't happened -for some mysterious reason-, Sirius probably hated him for everything Remus had said to him last night. Any way he look at it, it all led to the same conclusion: he was doomed.

That afternoon, he was hiding away in an empty hallway, sitting down on the ledge of a window, and with the notebook Indigo had given to him opened on his legs. He was trying to follow the professor's advice and channel everything he felt on pen and paper. He had been trying for an hour already but he had written just three lines that matched perfectly his mood:

I hate this.
I hate myself.
I hate everything.

Not quite something Shakespeare would write.

He closed the notebook with a tired sigh and rested his head on the wall, looking through the window. The gardens at the back of the school had white spots all over them, and students were taking advantage of the snow that day to play and make small battles.

He recalled all of the sudden that hidden hallway on the other side of Hogwarts. He hadn't visited it again but couldn't put away the sound of the marbles falling under the fireplace, it had been really weird.

He stood up and walked to the other side of the school. When he got to that hall he stopped right in front of the tapestry and stared at it for some seconds. He got closer and brushed his fingertips against the hard and old edge. A couple of kids ran through the hall, making Remus step back in a reflex. When the younger students had disappeared on the corner he got closer again and pulled the tapestry aside.

The hallway looked as terrifying as he remembered. He could see the fireplace lurking at the end of the hall, its mouth was a dark hole that looked like it could swallow you completely to the depths of the castle.

He put one foot inside and before he could put the other someone talked behind him:

"Mr. Lupin?" Remus turned around alarmed, getting his foot off the hallway. Standing next to him was Dumbledore, who stared at him with a soft smile and his hands behind his back.

"Professor" he mumbled, surprised.

"What are you doing?" he questioned as if it was the first time he had noticed the tapestry ever.

"Uhm...jus' checking something" he stepped aside and looked at the old man. Dumbledore glanced at the tapestry and then at Remus with a pleased smirk.

"It's an interesting piece that one" he nodded, pushing his half-moon glasses up to his nose.

"Yeah" Remus agreed, expecting the headmaster to go away soon but Dumbledore didn't move an inch from where he was standing. He stared at Remus for some second before humming.

"Why don't you go to Godric's Campus?" he suggested, putting a hand on Remus' back and pushing him away from the wall "it's Saturday, Mr. Lupin, spend some time with friends" he smiled and Remus groaned internally.

"Right" he resigned and walked away from the tapestry with Dumbledore close to his side. Remus got a feeling that the headmaster was hiding something, he clearly didn't want Remus snooping around.

Marauding around, he thought bitterly as he went to Lion, finally alone.

He passed the boys watching TV in the Common Room and went up to his bedroom, thinking about what was Dumbledore hiding. The photo, the tapestry, everything was off.

Inside room C-12 it was cold and dark. Remus closed the door and went over to the heater near the bathroom to put it on, when the door of the bathroom opened and Sirius came out of it, getting face to face with him. Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed and his lips parted. Remus froze for a couple of seconds, panicking. He wondered if he could make a run for it, he was quicker than him, he had proven that before. He turned around immediately and went over to his desk, to search for something, make an excuse, and go away.

"Remus..." Sirius breathed, weakly. He didn't move, he continued sorting through his books instead. He didn't want to turn around and face him.

"Remus" he called again, strongly this time "can we talk?" he turned around slowly, feeling like a trapped animal.

"I dunno" he shrugged and Sirius walked up to him, with a troubled face.

"Is it true?" he asked and Remus closed his eyes, sighing deeply.

"You remember then," he stated, looking away.

"I remember it all," he said sternly "that and everything you said to me before" he clenched his jaw.

"Right..." he nodded, leaning on his desk, making himself ready for whatever bomb Sirius would throw at him.

"So your family..." Sirius started in a more careful tone than before.

"I'm an orphan" Remus blurted out, wanting to be over already with the conversation.

"I gathered that" Sirius nodded, his gray eyes piercing Remus' so intensely it felt like two lasers burning on him.

"Have you told anyone?" Remus asked staring at the door, it was too close but too far at the same time. He was counting back the second before Sirius would say 'yes'.

"No"

"No?" Remus frowned.

"No. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to" Sirius shrugged as if it was obvious. Remus raised his eyebrows. He hadn't said anything then?

"I don't," he shook his head "nobody knows, not even Lily" Sirius gave him a nod in understanding.

"That's fine, je garderai ton secret, I promise" he assured, 'I'll keep your secret' he had said in French, and Remus sighed in relief. Maybe he had judged Sirius too early, once again.

"You wanna talk about it?" Sirius offered, not so sure about what he was saying.

"No, not really" a silence grew between them. Sirius scratched the back of his ear and glanced at the window. Remus wondered if the conversation was over now, there was no clue what the other boy was thinking.

"Remus...as I didn't know about that the same goes about my family, alright?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows "You know nothing about it, so don't get involved in things you don't understand, can we at least have that?" he questioned looking at him and Remus nodded after a few seconds.

Sirius sighed and walked to his desk, grabbing a disk from his record collection and Remus knew by then that their conversation was officially over.

He sat down on his bed, still surprised by the fact that Sirius hadn't said anything and had actually promised to keep his secret. Maybe they weren't friends anymore, but at least he'd have the other's silence and that was comforting after everything.

That night they joined James and Peter at dinner, and the other two boys grinned when they saw Remus.

"Where have you been?" James wondered.

"Uhm, just around, doing some work" he shrugged, glancing for a split second at Sirius who was already looking at him with an expressionless face.

He still was a prick in his eyes, but at least he said he would keep his secret. Remus just hoped that his promise weighed more than his stupidity.

January 14th, 1996

All was good again by Sunday. He ate with the boys, he played chess with Peter in the Common Room, he went with girls to the Library to study and do homework, and nobody seemed to know a thing. Sirius was keeping his promise, as he'd said. Everything was back to normal.

Well, almost everything.

Sirius still wasn't totally alright, his smiles were weaker and he didn't seem too eager to talk about anything at any time. Remus didn't talk with him anymore either. They had reached a middle ground where they were 'good' with each other but they wouldn't talk. It was silence, deafening silence. The only thing you could hear in room C-12 was Sirius' music that had been playing all day long.

It was night and Frank was sending everyone to their rooms since the curfew had already started an hour ago. Remus had been reading in the Common Room, hearing how Peter beat James at every round of the game they were playing. Sirius had been nowhere to be seen. Remus thought that he was probably with Dalia, even if nobody had seen the couple together since Woods' party -Mary had mentioned this earlier that day-.

He got to the room and walked to the bathroom, dreaming about taking a hot shower and getting himself to bed. He opened the bathroom door and found inside Sirius looking himself at in the mirror, he was shirtless and Remus noticed an assortment of bruises all over his torso. The other boy turned around instantly and shut the door quickly at Remus' face.

He stood outside for some seconds, trying to comprehend what he had seen. Sirius was covered in yellowish-purple bruises all around. He then recalled earlier that week when James had shoved him on breakfast and Sirius had flinched in pain. He wondered where he had gotten them and how? They looked horrible.

He put his hand on the handle, wondering if he should enter again and try to talk with him but before he could turn the knob Sirius got out of the bathroom, wearing a sweatshirt now, and walked over to his bed, avoiding Remus' eyes.

"Black?" he asked, worried and confused.

"Don't want to talk about it" he said drily, his voice darker and lower than anything Remus had heard. He watched how the other boy turned off the lamp on his desk and got under his blankets, hiding completely.

Remus stood there, looking at the lump of blankets over the bed breathing rapidly. He wanted to ask, he wanted to say something, but Sirius had put things very clearly. He didn't want to talk. But Remus couldn't shake the bad feeling he had. Even if they weren't friends those bruises were concerning, they looked as if Sirius had gotten into a street fight -Remus had seen plenty of those-, but Sirius Black didn't get in street fights, he had been in a French mansion surrounded by his family for three weeks, how he'd managed to get to that point?

He sighed and got to the bathroom to take that desired shower, but it hadn't been so pleasant with the image of Sirius' beat-up body appearing in his mind every time he closed his eyes. He got in his bed and tried to fall asleep, but all that tiredness had gone and the only thing Remus could think was where had Sirius gotten the bruises. It was all too unsettling.

Some time later he started to feel his eyelids finally giving in, lazily closing as he watched the night sky from his bed when he heard Sirius moving and then a voice broke through the darkness.

"Remus..." Sirius called "are you awake?" his voice had disrupted the stillness of the room like a bullet, making Remus anxious about whatever the other boy would say next.

"I am now," he said, without turning around.

"Can we talk?" he heard Sirius getting out of his bed and he turned his head slightly at him. He was standing some steps before his bed with a face full of distress and pain, his eyes were rimmed red, and his breath shook slightly. It was the second time he had asked him that, but this time Remus knew it wasn't about him and his family that he wanted to talk of, but what had happened an hour ago.

"Yeah," Remus nodded, sitting on his bed and staring directly at the other boy.

"Uhm...you saw...?" Sirius closed his eyes hard, making a pause, and then he opened them again facing Remus "you saw me...with..."

"Yeah, I saw" Remus interfered, noticing that the other boy could barely speak the words out. Sirius nodded slowly and bowed his head, looking at his fidgety hands. Remus had never seen him like that. So nervous and small, it was unlike the Sirius he knew. The boy in front of him was a totally different person than the loud and confident Sirius Black that didn't care about anything. This boy looked like he'd gone through hell, his eyes dark and haunted by something, his pale face covered in misery and pain, Remus didn't know where he had come from but was really concerned by the change.

"Are you alright?" he asked, truthfully. Because even if they weren't friends and he wasn't good with those situations, Remus knew something wrong was happening and he ought to ask.

"Uhm...yeah" Sirius nodded and glanced at the window. 

"You're lying," he said and Sirius looked back at him with terrified eyes.

"I-"

"It's fine if you don't wanna talk 'bout it, but I know you're not alright" Remus pointed out, maybe he was being too direct with him, but it was the only way he knew how to tackle the problem.

Sirius pressed his lips together and sighed deeply, he stared through the window again, thinking about something. Remus bit his lip, it was uncomfortable, of course, he wasn't used to talking about feelings, much less with Sirius Black, but he can now see that the other boy was tormented by something. His family and the bruises. Remus wondered if they were related to each other but that was a strong accusation to make about people he had never met. Overall, Sirius needed someone, and even if it wasn't ideal, Remus was the only one around to be there for him.

"What's on your mind?" he asked him carefully, using the same phrase he had used on him several times before. Sirius turned to him with his lips parted and eyebrow raised, it had caught him by surprise, maybe the phrase or maybe by the fact that Remus suddenly seemed to care about him.

"I..." Sirius started and then he sighed once again. He sat down on the corner of Remus' bed and stared at him, playing with his hands over his lap.

"It's just them, Remus, I hate them" he exploded, closing his eyes once again with a hurt expression.

"Your family?" Remus wondered, gathering everything he had seen and heard in the last few days. Sirius nodded and opened his eyes, they were glossy and threatened to burst with tears at any minute. Remus had thought that Sirius was just exaggerating when he'd said he hated his family, he thought that he was just being a spoiled kid but looking at him now Remus thought that maybe he had been incorrect about everything for the thousandth time. 

"I didn't want to go back" Sirius mumbled, looking down "they, made me go back" Remus nodded, understanding what he meant. 

"They're horrible," Remus said and Sirius nodded, confirming. He didn't know what to say, he had too many questions but he didn't know which ones he could ask.

"Uhm...the bruises?" he asked and Sirius tensed instantly. Maybe he shouldn't have asked it, maybe he should've stayed quiet "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me-"

"My father..." he hurried to say, coldly and looking at the wall, his expression was dead "with his cane..." Remus stopped breathing, his heart dipped in his chest and he felt a shiver run down his spine. Sirius' dad? He had done that to him? 

"You-your father?" he repeated, out of breath.

"He got mad 'cause-uhm..." Sirius' voice broke but he tried to hide it by clearing his throat "I said that the Black family was shit, basically" Remus wanted to throw up, he felt sick in his stomach. He remembered the bruises over Sirius' body, they were deep, they had to be done with so much blunt force to get to that point. He couldn't comprehend how a father could do that to his kid, how twisted and horrible you have to be to even think about doing that. 

And God, Remus could only think about Sirius having to live through that, and he had kept everything to himself all of those days. He had thought that he was overreacting before but truly he wasn't reacting enough. Remus guessed then that it probably wasn't the first time that it happened, which made him sicker just thinking about it.

"I'm sorry...I didn't know..." he said because saying sorry was the only thing he could do.

"I know, I didn't expect you to know" Sirius mumbled, still with his gaze down "nobody does" he shrugged and Remus raised his eyebrows "so, could you please not tell anyone? Especially James? He would just make a big deal of it and tell me to move with him..as if that was possible" he scoffed and Remus stared at him stunned. He was the first person to know.

"Why did you tell me?"

"I don't know..." Sirius shrugged and finally looked at him, he appeared as confused as Remus "but I don't want to talk about it anymore" 

"Don't worry...je garderai ton secret" he told him, with his butchered French. Sirius' lips quirked up the slightest bit.

"We have to work on your French" he commented with a faint smirk.

"Tosser" Remus rolled his eyes, smiling a little. He noticed Sirius' hands shaking, he could've given him some tea to calm down but he had something better to offer instead.

"Want a fag?" he offered with his eyebrow raised. Sirius looked at him a little bit surprised and nodded softly. Remus turned to his desk and grabbed his box of Malboros and the lighter. They lit up each a cigarette and smoked them in silence.

"I've been an orphan for 10 years," he said minutes later. 

He didn't know what had prompted him to do it, maybe the same thing that had made Sirius talk; but he felt the sudden need to say something. Anything. Everything. Sirius turned to him, brows raised and the cigarette between his fingers.

"My parents died in a car crash, 10 years ago...December 28th...I've been living in an orphanage ever since" he confessed, feeling his heart muscles contract suddenly. It wasn't easier talking about it now that it was three, five, or a year ago, but at least he had begun the conversation. That had to count as progress, right?

"That's why you were sad before break" Sirius observed and Remus nodded.

"Yeah," he dragged from his cigarette, and Sirius just stared at him.

"So the person that calls you..."

"That's my social worker" he sighed "I just don't like anyone knowing about it. I hate people looking at me like I'm a fucking tragedy" he rolled his eyes and Sirius smiled a little.

"I understand" Sirius dragged "I won't look at you like that" he promised.

And it had been true, Sirius had been probably one of the first persons that hadn't seen him differently when he told him the truth, no pity, no sadness, just attentive eyes. Remus was grateful for it.

"I mean, I can't judge, I'm a fucking tragedy myself" Sirius laughed bitterly and then his face fell into a sad expression for a split second. Remus knew that the boy was hurting, he knew now he hide everything under jokes and forced smiles, but he'd said he didn't want to talk about it and he understood it. He wouldn't push him to do so. They were just a couple of tragedies faking they were not.

Remus never thought of revealing anything to anyone, especially not Sirius. But there they were, sitting on his bed, smoking in silence. Maybe they would never talk about it again and just continue coping however they each did.

Remus didn't want to rely on anyone, he didn't want to have the need to spill everything he felt to somebody, he wasn't ready for that. It was too scary to open up like that. But he also didn't want to leave Sirius alone. Yes, he had Peter and James, but they didn't know about the bruises. Remus was the one that knew about them for some reason, and after everything Sirius had told him that night, he promised himself he'll be there for him, even if they were probably hundreds of better people around who were sane in the head and were better at comforting than him.

Remus knew Sirius' problems, and Sirius his, and they had promised each other they will keep their secrets, and maybe that was enough to stick around.

Chapter Text

Soul destroyed with clever toys for little boys
It's inevitable, inevitable, it's a soul destroyed
You feel it till you're dry
You feel it till you've had enough

-Ripcord, Radiohead (1993)

January 16th, 1996

Things were starting to get better. Sirius began to talk more at the table, he would make jokes and send snarky comments at Remus as he did before Winter break. They didn't bring up their late-night conversation on Sunday night again, they acted like it didn't happen at all, but they had something new: a mutual understanding that they could trust each other; something they didn't have before.

That Tuesday morning Sirius had a better face, Remus was still worried about him and the bruises, but -as he'd promised him- he wouldn't say anything even if he wanted to.

"No, no, hear this, if you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?" James asked suddenly, making Remus snort.

"What?"

"It's a serious question, Remus" James assured but a smile slipped between his lips "personally, I would have to choose between my mom's Chana Masala and my dad's Chiles en Nogada, and either one I choose I'll get disowned by the other probably..." he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I don't think Effie would like you choosing your dad" Sirius commented.

"Exactly, so I think I'll stay with waffles with syrup" James grabbed his plate and put it beside his face, showing the table the golden waffles drenched in maple syrup with a big grin.

"I think that's more like syrup with a side of waffles" Peter pointed out and Sirius cackled.

"You're right, Wormy" he dipped his finger in the pool of maple syrup that had formed on the plate.

"That's the only correct way to eat waffles" James pointed out, dipping his finger in the syrup too and sucking it after.

"I think I would eat the garlic shrimp pasta from Giorno's" Peter said "it's the best thing I've ever eaten"

"Oh, yeah! I've tried their spinach ravioli, they're bloody good" James added. Remus could only guess that it was one of those fancy Italian restaurants in London that he had only seen from the outside but had never entered.

Oh, the luck of some.

"And you Pads?" James turned to Sirius and Remus looked at the long-haired boy too.

"Uhm..." he put one finger in his chin and pursed his lips "I think a bottle of Macallan Scotch or a good cup of coffee" Remus rolled his eyes, of course, expensive Whiskey.

"Those are just beverages" James chuckled.

"Then..." Sirius looked around "Hogwarts' pumpkin pie..." he shrugged but then, immediately, opened his eyes "Oh, and a box of strawberries! Yeah...a box of strawberries" he nodded, smirking away.

Remus was surprised by his choices, he had expected something else, maybe something more expensive, or exclusive, or at least French.

"And you Remus?" James questioned, turning to him. He already knew his answer.

"Chocolate," he said and James frowned.

"Just...chocolate?" the boy with the glasses repeated, confused.

"I like chocolate" he shrugged.

"A man of simple taste," Sirius commented, locking eyes with Remus.

"But wait, milk or dark chocolate?" James asked as if it was the most important matter in life.

"Doesn't matter, both's are good" Remus shrugged.

"You go both ways, I see" Sirius teased, raising his eyebrows suggestively, and Remus sent a deathly stare at him.

"Don't push it, Black" he warned pointing at him with his butter knife.

"Don't kill him yet!" James hugged Sirius dramatically "we need our commentator for next week's game"

"Because his comments are an essential part of the match," Remus said sarcastically, lowering the knife.

"Of course, what would be a Hogwarts Football game without me?" Sirius pointed at himself.

"Peaceful?" Remus questioned, unimpressed.

"Fuck you, Lupin" Sirius flipped him off as Peter and James chuckled.

"Who are you playing, anyway?" Remus turned to James.

"Ravenclaw" he informed "they won against Hufflepuff before break 5-0, quite the blood bath"

"You'll win, easily, there's no match for Gryffindor's team" Sirius patted James' shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm not scared" he waved dismissively.

"Pads? Don't turn but Dalia is coming here and she doesn't look happy" Peter announced, Remus glanced to where he was looking and saw the blond girl walking toward them. Sirius opened his eyes with horror and James turned his head around and wave at the girl.

"Don't wave at her!" Sirius scolded, covering his face with his hand, avoiding looking elsewhere but the table.

"Hey, guys" the girls greeted with a small smile when she got to the table.

"Hey" they all replied, except Sirius.

"Uh, Sirius?" she looked at her boyfriend and Sirius finally removed his hand from his face and stared at the girl with surprised eyes.

"Oh, babe, hi!" he said as if he'd just realized she was there.

"Can we talk for a sec?" she pressed her lips together and Sirius glanced at them, looking a little tense.

"Yeah, 'course" he nodded, standing from the table lazily and following Dalia to a secluded area in the Dining Hall.

"Pads' in problems" James sucked air through his teeth, "I told him to talk with Dalia soon, but he didn't listen" he shook his head and Remus glanced for a split second at the couple. They both were leaning on the wall, really close together. He tried to read their lips but their faces well almost completely buried with their long hairs.

"Remus?" a voice called beside him, when he turned his head he saw Victoria with her arms close and an impatient look on her face "Why didn't you come last practice?"

"Uhm..."

"Bloody hell," the girl threw her arms in the air exasperated "just know that we have practice today if you don't come you're officially out of the team, it's your decision" she warned before walking away.

"Bye, Tori!" James yelled and Remus sighed. Getting out of the team sounded appealing, but he had a deal with McGonagall and he pretended to keep it. "Why didn't you go last practice?" he questioned.

"I forgot" Remus shrugged, it was better to blame everything on bad memory than try to explain that he had been spiraling all Saturday about his little -big- secret.

The bell rang and they started to gather their stuff at the table. Remus sent a last glance at Sirius and Dalia before exiting the Dining Hall with James and Peter and saw the boy grabbing the girl's face softly and placing a kiss on her lips. It seemed like they had made up quite fast.

When History class came after lunch, Remus, Sirius, and James walked together to the History classroom, the other two boys were too absorbed in a conversation about Football to finish it even when they were at the door.

"...yeah, at the end, we don't have to worry, we're playing Leeds this weekend, that's nothing for Fowler and Collymore" James shrugged.

"We should enter, you know how Binns gets with ya' " Remus looked at Sirius and he huffed.

"Yeah, that wanker" he rolled his gray eyes.

"I'm off to my free hour, then. Bye," James signed off with his two fingers and walked away. They entered the class and sat at their usual table. Remus was getting his things out of his saddle when he saw Dalia walking into the classroom, the girl sent a quick glance at Sirius and then continued her way to the back of the class. She seemed worried still, even if that morning it had seemed like everything was good again between them. Remus peeked back a little and the girl was staring directly at Sirius, then he turned to the long-haired boy.

"So, everything's alright with Dalia?" he asked, putting his book on the table as if he was just making casual conversation.

"I didn't know you were one to gossip, Lupin" Sirius joked, opening his mouth.

"It's not for gossip" he rolled his eyes "she seemed mad, that's'all" he shrugged. Sirius' cheeky smile fell from his face and he looked at him.

"She's mad for the thing at Wood's party" he explained, using a lower voice "and because apparently, I spent more time with James, Peter, and you than her" he rolled his eyes.

"Well, you do spend a lot of time with us" Remus pointed out and Sirius gave him a look.

"But it's not like I'm never with her, it's just these last few days have been difficult" he defended and Remus nodded.

"I know, why don't you tell her that?" Remus questioned, a little bit unsure about his advice. He had never been in a relationship before so he didn't know how the whole 'boyfriend-girlfriend' thing went.

"I already told her that, but she tried to ask me why and..." Sirius looked at him, gravely "you know I can't tell her"

"I know" he whispered.

"And anyway, I like spending time with you" he shrugged and Remus frowned slightly. With him. "James, Peter, and you I mean" Sirius clarified as if he could read his mind and Remus relaxed.

Binns entered the classroom, interrupting their conversation with his voice and telling them to open their textbooks. Remus didn't bring up the matter again, he thought that it wasn't really his place to be asking around and giving Sirius advice that he didn't even use. Binns started giving his usual boring lesson and Remus took some notes while Sirius doodled in his notebook. Around the second hour of History, Sirius moved his attention to Remus' notebook and started drawing small stars at the corner while he write at the top.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, frowning at the older boy.

"I'm bored" Sirius whined softly as he continued drawing around.

"You're messing up my notes" Remus pointed out, brushing Sirius' left hand from his notebook.

"They were looking a little dull" Sirius shrugged with a smile.

"And you have to make a whole fucking constellation in them" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it was that or a dick, your choice" Sirius smirked, playfully and Remus rolled his eyes

"You're 8" he added.

"Yeah, 8 stars out of 5" Sirius raised his eyebrows, still with that usual grin on his face.

"Tosser" Remus shook his head and Sirius laughed a bit.

"By the way, I forgot to ask, how did you do on the French final?" Sirius rested his head on his free hand.

"Oh...I got a B" Remus looked at his notebook, pretending to be taking notes again.

"That's great" Sirius smiled "d'you still need help? I could still teach you" he offered and Remus pressed his lips.

"Alright" he nodded softly as if it didn't matter that much, but in reality, he was relieved that Sirius had been the one to bring up the topic, he would've needed to swallow a lot of his pride to ask him again for help "we have a test next Monday"

"Good, we'll have a class this week then" Sirius assured and continued doodling at the corner of Remus' notebook.

By the end of the class, he had at least two dozen of stars doodled on his notebook and also a drawing of four stick figures, one with glasses, one with long hair, one smaller, and the last one taller than the other three with a lit cigarette on its stick hand, and above Sirius wrote 'The Marauders' in perfect handwriting. Sirius, James, and Peter had been starting to use the name they had invented for their fake band even in casual conversations. It seemed like the name did stick with the boys.

He went quickly to Lion to change for Track practice and went to the field. Victoria, Hazel, and Caradoc were already there and it seemed like the captain seemed angry with Caradoc.

"What do you mean no?" she exclaimed, looking like she was on the brink of madness.

"I tried to talk with him but he said he wouldn't change the grade!" Caradoc exclaimed.

"What's happening?" Remus asked Hazel, who was standing at the side, looking at the two others.

"Uh, Caradoc is failing English and he can't be in the team if he's failing a subject" Hazel commented.

And he can lose his scholarship, Remus recalled.

"English is literally one of the easiest subjects, how the hell are you failing ?!" Victoria exclaimed and Remus saw the hurt expression behind Caradoc's dark eyes.

"Hey, there's no need to tell him that" Remus interfered, maybe he wouldn't have cared months ago but now he wouldn't let Victoria talk to the other boy that way.

"And why do you care? You don't even care about this team" she pointed out and Remus clenched his jaw.

"I came today, didn't I?" he pointed out, angrily.

"It doesn't matter" she threw her hands in the air "we'll have to find Caradoc's replacement and we only have two months until Hogwarts' Olympics" Remus sighed and rolled his eyes before turning to Caradoc.

"I'll help ya' with English, alright?" he promised Caradoc and the boy's face lit up. He didn't even know why he was doing it, he usually didn't do favours like that; but he liked Caradoc, even if they weren't the closest friends he felt like he should help him.

Scholarship kid to scholarship kid.

"Thanks, Remus" he grinned.

"Could you make him not fail English before the month is over?" Victoria asked, impatiently.

"I'll see what can I do," he said gritting his teeth.

"Thanks, mate" Caradoc said to him quietly, his eyes glittering with gratefulness.

" 'Course" Remus shrugged like it had been nothing.

"I should let you all practice then" he mentioned, looking around. He gave them a weak smile and walked away from the field.

The practice had been one of the hardest they had ever done, maybe it was because Victoria was in the mood to torture them all or maybe because he hadn't trained in about a month, but when it finished he felt his leg muscles screaming from pain and his chest pleading to get more air inside.

Maybe smoking all those cigarettes over break wasn't that good of an idea.

As he drank water from Hazel's water bottle he noticed a redhead walking down to the field. He frowned slightly and gave the girl his bottle back before going toward Lily.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Looking for you, actually" she smiled "I was wondering if you wanted to study for the Maths test on Thursday?" Remus closed his eyes and gave a tired sigh.

"Can we please study tomorrow? I feel like I might just fall right here, Victoria literally massacred my legs" he explained and the girl chuckled.

"Fine" she resigned "let's go to Godric then" she waved her head and Remus followed her out of the Track Field.

They passed beside the gymnasium and the Football field, and they noticed the Gryffindor Football team getting out of their practice. James was still on the field playing with Woods, both guys trying to get possession of the ball, pushing each other while they laughed. They stopped to watch them for a moment. James' feet moved so quickly that Remus barely say when the boy stole the ball from Woods, he then ran to the goal and kicked the ball, scoring perfectly. He started to celebrate, removing his shirt and cackling out loud as they walked to the locker rooms.

"God, couldn't he be more egotistical?" Lily said with a small laugh, turning her back to the field.

"He's James Potter, he kinda has to be egotistical don't ya' think?" Remus commented and she laughed.

"Yes, I guess so," Lily nodded "the worst thing is that he's really good... don't let him know I said that, of course," she looked at him "he won't shut up about it"

"Yeah, I haven't forgotten about 'astonishing' he talked 'bout it all week" he laughed and Lily closed her eyes for a moment.

"God, that was awful" she shook her head slowly "I could've just told him he was good"

"Well, you can tell him now" he pointed out watching how James waved at him as he walked toward them with his training bag in hand.

"What?" she frowned.

"He's coming here" he waved James back and Lily opened her green eyes widely.

"Don't do that" she grabbed his hand and lowered it quickly "let's just go" she demanded.

"He already saw us" he frowned slightly.

"I-" she turned around and immediately snapped her head back "he's shirtless Remus" she whispered alarmed and annoyed. James was just some steps from them, his naked chest shining against the sun with sweat.

Remus didn't understand what was all the fuss about it, yeah, he could admit James had a better physique than most 15-years-old, probably from all that training he did, but he didn't think it was a problem, it wasn't like he was butt-naked outside.

"Oi, Remus! Evans!" he quickened his walk and got beside them "Are you walking to Godric?"

"Yeah" Remus nodded, he saw how Lily was staring elsewhere with her arms crossed, avoiding looking at the guy.

"How was practice?" James asked him as they walked toward the campus.

"As usual" he shrugged "Victoria killed us, but what's new?" James chuckled.

"Yeah, Tori can be hard sometimes, but she's dedicated and I like that about her" James commented and Remus noticed how Lily gave him a quick glance.

"Yeah, I guess so" Remus was too tired to talk about anything.

"And what were you doing around here, Evans?" James asked scratching the back of his head, walking beside the girl.

"Uhm...looking for Remus," she said, her face slightly red "why aren't you wearing your shirt? It's basically freezing outside" she commented in an annoyed tone, like the one she used to use with James before.

"Aw, I didn't know you care that much about me" James smiled widely, his dimples showing up beside his mouth, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's not that" she mumbled.

"Oh, by the way, I watched The Princess Bride," James told her and Lily stepped back, surprised.

"You watched that?" she asked, shocked.

"Yeah, of course, you told me that it was your favorite movie" James shrugged, grinning at the girl.

"One of" Lily clarified.

"One of" James chuckled "is quite lovely, I thought it would be only a romance story but then it has action and comedy...I really liked it"

"You liked it" she commented hesitantly.

"Yeah," James confirmed and Lily seemed to be battling something inside her brain.

"That's great," she glanced at him "so, would you please put your shirt on?" James smiled cheekily.

"As you wish" he winked at her and Remus saw how the girl's face started turning red, he didn't understand why. There was something weird about Lily, she alternated between hating James Potter and liking him, and Remus wasn't sure which one she really thought.

And James, well...he stared at her with shiny eyes and a soft smile, it was clear he really liked her, he didn't need to say it.

There was obviously something different between the two, even he could tell. Remus felt like he was sitting in a theater watching a romance movie and Lily and James were the protagonists.

The thing was, Remus hated Romance movies, they bored him to death and usually made him feel he was missing something big. Something he knew was hard to have given who he was.

But still, he was happy for his friends.

January 17th, 1996

"...oh, and I would also do like a dragon or a phoenix here in my arm" Marlene talked excitedly as they entered the Library that Wednesday evening "I would look like a rockstar"

"You already are one, Marls" Mary pointed out with a smile "I don't think I'd ever do tattoos if I want to be a model I can't have anything in my body" she reasoned and Lily frowned at her.

"I thought you wanted to be a designer" they arrived at their usual table, far away from the entrance, and settled their things.

"Well, I worked in the studio with my mom over the break, and I'm more passionate about the designs that are already done than making them myself" Mary explained.

"So you want to be a model now?" Marlene asked.

"Yes, it's a way of being in the fashion industry and all that" the girl shrugged and lowered her head to her notebook with a small smile that then faded to a sad expression. Remus assumed it was probably because of Daryl, the boy had done nothing but give more trouble to Mary, telling her ridiculous excuses and ignoring her daily; and Remus was starting to get angry that the guy didn't even have the courage to say the things straight to her face.

"And you Remus? Would you ever get a tattoo?" the blond questioned, taking his attention off Mary.

"I dunno...don't think so" Remus had seen ugly tattoos among the older boys in Waterfront and he wasn't fond of marking himself forever with ink and an ugly drawing.

"Oh, you three are so boring, I was gonna say we get matching tattoos!" Marlene pouted.

"We can get matching shirts, that's how far I'll go" Lily added, opening her Math book.

"Lils! I thought you loved us and would do anything for your best friends" Marlene put a hand on her chest.

"There wasn't anything about tattoos in our friendship contract Marls" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"I'll get my lawyers to check it, there's always a fine print" Marlene smirked at the redhead. Remus laughed and got out his stuff from his saddle.

"Remus, do you have your notes for English?" Marlene asked and Remus nodded, passing his bag to the girl. He opened his book, ready to start a long evening filled with Maths and dread when Marlene spoke again.

"What's this?" she asked and Remus looked up, she had Olivia's book in her hands "you read Emily Dickinson?"

"Oh, Remus might just be the dream guy of every girl really" Mary joked and Remus snatched the book quickly from Marlene's hand.

"No" Remus' cheeks felt hot thanks to Mary's comment "I like her, but this is not mine" he looked at the three girls, they stared at him expectantly, ready to hear the story, and he decided to tell them everything.

The first time he'd seen the book there at the Library, the newspaper articles he and Sirius had found, the story from Pince about Olivia, and them later stealing the book from Dumbledore's office -which Lily didn't approve entirely-. When he finished the girls were astounded, staring at him with widened eyes and opened mouths.

"She's real, at the end" Marlene breathed, surprised.

"Poor Olivia" Lily whispered, her eyes tinted with sadness.

"What a horrible story and I'd always thought it was bullshit" Marlene shook her blond head, her lips pressed together.

"Olivia Robinson" Mary hummed "I've seen that name before" Remus pulled his eyebrows together.

"You have?" Remus thought it was improbable, Olivia's name had been basically erased from Hogwarts and the rest of the world, sadly.

"Yes, and if I'm good at something, it's remembering names and faces" Mary commented. She looked to the side, squinting and frowning hard at one point of the table, probably searching through all the thousands of names she knew to find where she had seen Olivia.

"Oh, she's doing her work," Marlene said excitedly, looking at Mary.

"I know!" Mary exclaimed all of the sudden, receiving shushes from nearby students "the theater" she slapped Marlene on the arm "in one of those frames with the previous clubs"

"You lost me there, I haven't seen it" Marlene shrugged.

"Let's go" Mary stood up and started to put her things back in her bag.

"Right now?" Lily questioned, confused.

"Yeah, if not now when?" Mary questioned, raising her eyebrow. Lily turned at Remus and he gave her a look that said 'she has a good point'.

"Fine" she sighed "but we're studying, after" Lily pointed at his face with her finger and Remus smiled.

" 'Course" they gathered their stuff and as quick as they had come they went out of the Library. They hurried to the theater and went directly backstage.

"You said she died in '56" Mary repeated as they walked through the dark and eerie halls of the theater.

"Yeah, that's what Pince told us" he followed her, closely behind.

"Right, it must be around here..." she scanned the frames quickly as she passed by and then stopped at a halt in front of one "here! Drama Class of 1955-56" she pointed out at the black and white photo of a group of students posing on the stage.

Mary passed her perfectly manicured finger through the list of names below it and then shrieked a little.

"There, Olivia Robinson" she pointed out at the small name in that extensive list. They got closer and confirmed that it indeed said 'Oliva M. Robinson'.

"Second line, at the end" Lily mumbled and looked over to the photo "it should be this one" the redhead pointed out at a girl at the right end of the second line. She had fair skin and dark hair and was hugging another girl tightly with a big smile.

"Who's that?" Remus pointed at the other girl.

"Uhm" Mary leaned over to the names again "Anabella Caelkirk? That's the only girl around Olivia"

"That's an unusual last name" Marlene commented with a slight snort.

"They looked like they were really close friends" Lily added with a sad smile "I can't imagine how hard it was to lose her" the redhead glanced at the other two girls and they got closer, hugging the girl and placing their heads on her shoulders. Remus stepped back, feeling like he was interrupting their moment, but then Lily extended her hand and Remus took it happily, feeling warm inside.

If he ever went missing or something happened to him he at least knew there would be people worrying about him and looking for him now, and that was more he could have said months ago.

January 19th, 1996

That Friday, Remus had spent it with Sirius in the Music Classroom after classes had ended. They had been talking French for almost 2 hours, the older boy correcting Remus' pronunciation and sentence formation as they went.

After all that time they were really tired, Remus lay across two chairs with his legs hanging out, while Sirius sat in another one with a guitar on his lap, playing some cords.

"You better get a good grade, Remus Lupin" Sirius warned "I didn't just spend 2 hours talking for nothing" he smirked.

"What? I thought you loved talking, you never shut up" Remus pointed out, turning his head at the other boy.

"Yeah, but I love it when I don't have to use all of my brains for it" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, I didn't think you used your brain at all" Remus commented, holding back a smile, and Sirius flipped him off.

"Funny" he glanced at him with a dead face but then it broke into a smile. The boy started strumming his fingers on the guitar, making a soft tune. Remus looked at the ceiling feeling his brain relaxing. He imagined the waves of the sound flying through the air, slowly, like sea waves. He closed his eyes and he could swear he saw them behind his eyelids, all the colors, and vibrations.

"But really, I do love talking" Sirius stopped playing all of the sudden, "I think I could talk and talk forever. Don't you think is amazing that we, as humans, can get to understand each other and create languages? I mean, animals don't have that...well I guess they kinda do, dogs bark and wolves howl, but it's not the same, it's not like they have complex linguistics and..."

"Sirius, could you just play something?" Remus pleaded, softly. He was too tired to hear the other boy rambling about languages and whatnot. He wanted to turn off his brain for a minute, and just get carried away by the sounds of music.

When the other boy didn't answer Remus opened his eyes and looked at him again. Sirius was staring at him with a slightly shocked expression, his gray eyes shining with something Remus didn't know or understand.

"What?" he frowned, raising his torso and leaning on his forearms.

Did he say something wrong?

"You called me Sirius" the boy breathed with a small smile.

"Your name is Sirius" Remus rolled his eyes. He hadn't realized he had called him by his first name and not his last name as always, maybe for him, it was like that time he called him Remus instead of 'Lupin'. It had been weird, but not of the bad kind.

"Yeah, but you never call me that" Sirius pointed out.

"I've said your name before" Remus snorted and frowned slightly.

"But never like that," Sirius said staring at him, his voice raspy and low like he was sharing a secret. Remus didn't know what he meant.

"Like what?"

"Like you actually like me...like we're friends" he clarified.

"We're friends" Remus rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, but...y'know"

"Just shut up and play something before I take it back" Remus shook his head and laid down again. Sirius was making a big deal of something small, as always.

"No! No takebacks!" Sirius exclaimed like a kid "you already said it, you can't unsay it now" he grinned, and then a laugh escaped from his lips.

"Right," Remus rolled his eyes one last time and stared back at the ceiling.

Sirius went silent for some seconds and then he started playing a soft tune on the guitar. Remus recognized it instantly.

"Stars shining bright above you" Sirius started singing with that great voice of his "Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'. Birds singing in the sycamore trees. Dream a little dream of me"

Remus felt like the first time he heard him singing, impressed and entrapped by his voice, he still couldn't understand how he did it. Every note, every word came out so perfectly it was almost unearthly, something of a non-human being.

"Stars fading but and linger on dear, still craving your kiss. I'm longin' to linger 'til dawn, dear, just saying this..."

When he finished the song Remus didn't know what to say. Should he applaud? Should he tell him how good he had been? No, that was too embarrassing. Should he say nothing? No, that was also not right.

"You know how to play every bloody instrument in the world?" he finally commented with sarcasm and Sirius snorted.

"Just the piano, the violin, the cello, and the guitar" he shrugged with a smile that had a little tint of arrogance in it.

"Oh, right, just that," Remus said sarcastically as he sat down.

"My uncle taught me how to play the guitar...the others I learned it at my house" he looked away, scratching the back of his ear. Remus nodded, noticing how tense he had become just mentioning his family.

"We should go now," he suggested and they grabbed their things.

They walked slowly toward Godric's campus. Remus lit a cigarette and, of course, Sirius asked for one too. The day was slowly turning into night, the sky pale and the temperature dropping.

"Remus," Sirius called all of the sudden, stopping on the path uphill "would you use my name more often?" his eyes were soft on him, something strange to see on Sirius "I like it better than my last name"

"Alright," Remus nodded. Sirius smiled and they continued walking, cigarettes in hand.

"I prefer my name, it's more personal, the other reminds me too much of them" Sirius shrugged "I don't feel entirely myself when people use it" Remus glanced at him.

"I'm sorry" it escaped from his lips, he didn't even realize it until Sirius turned to him with a soft smile.

" 's fine, we weren't friends before, now we are" he dragged out his cigarette with a cheeky grin.

"That's why James calls you Pads instead?" Remus wondered, also dragging from his fag.

"That and well...it's a nice nickname" he shrugged "you can call me that if you wan-Oh! We should look for a nickname for you" he exclaimed all of the sudden, hitting him in the arm.

"No, no, no nicknames" Remus shook his head.

"I'll find a nickname for you, just give me some time" Sirius assured.

"I won't accept it" Remus dragged again and looked at the trees bordering the way, they were naked and sad, the Winter had gotten the best of them.

"But yeah...I like them better since they aren't related to them, it makes me feel like I'm not part of that family..." Sirius shrugged and they fell into silence.

Remus looked at him for a split second, it made his stomach turn every time he remembered the bruises on Sirius' body. He hadn't seen them again, but they were probably still there, under all those clothes and fake smiles Sirius wore.

"Y'know, sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my own paradox" Sirius laughed bitterly and Remus glanced at him, curious.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I feel like I'm two things that entirely contradict each other" he dragged from his cigarette "On one side I'm the rightful heir of the Black fortune, and even as much as I want to run from it, it's in my nature and my genes to be just that. It's my blood and my destiny" Sirius explained with a sad look on his face "but at the same time I'm nothing like that, I'm just Padfoot. James' best friend, one of the Marauders... your friend" he glanced at him "and that's who I've grown up to be, who I've fought so much to become" he made a pause where he dragged from his cigarette "but even that feels like I'm playing a part, faking being 'good' when it's not who I was born to be"

They stayed in silence for some seconds when Sirius spoke again:

"If I'm one of them I can't be the other. They can't exist together in the same world" Sirius said, staring away "but then I feel like I'm both and none at the same time" he shrugged "I don't know who I am sometimes, and I've been running all my life from the life my parents want for me, but even if I think I'm running away it feels like I've been running in circles instead, and I will inevitably end up where I started"

They went silent again, both smoking slowly from the cigs. Remus didn't know exactly what to say, he guessed in those situations it was better to say the truth than anything else:

"I don't think you'll become like them," he said and Sirius turned his head at him immediately "I think nobody really knows who they are" he shrugged "and I don't think you need to have all the answers right now" Sirius smiled softly at him "and...I don't know your family but they're bad...and you're not bad Sirius. Maybe an insufferable prick, yeah, but not really bad" Remus admitted and Sirius laughed.

"That might be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," Sirius said, amused "growing soft on me, aren't you, Lupin?"

"Fuck off" Remus rolled his eyes, shoving the other boy slightly with a little smile.

"Thanks" Sirius breathed his playful tone out of his voice and with a more sincere look on his face.

"It's jus' the truth" Remus shrugged dragging from his cigarette. And yeah, he was just telling him what he'd observed, maybe Sirius could be annoying and mean sometimes, but it didn't make him like his parents, it didn't make him a monster.

They finished their cigarettes as they arrived at Godric's Campus, the sun was setting on the horizon and flocks of birds were passing through the sky.

"And what do you mean I'm an insufferable prick?" Sirius eyed him with a playful smirk.

"You are," Remus responded without looking back at him.

"I'm not!" Sirius protested with a laugh.

Remus was going to say something but he heard someone shouting his name behind his back. When he turned around he saw the girls running at him.

"Remus! we... were looking everywhere... for you" Mary said, short of breath.

"What happened?" he frowned, Marlene and Mary turned to Lily.

"Well, I thought about Olivia and her friend, Anabella Caelkirk, and it comes to me...what if we gave her the book? Maybe she would like to have something from her friend" the redhead explained "and it was perhaps a long shot, but I grabbed one of the phone books from the administration office, and..."

"You found her?" Remus said, surprised.

"Well...no" Lily chuckled "I found her cousin that lives in Perth, Caelkirk is an unusual name so...yeah, it was rather easy" she shrugged with a smile "she gave me her number" Lily took out a small piece of paper from her pocket and gave it to Remus. Sirius got his head closer to see the number too.

"Evans, you're a genius" Sirius laughed, amused.

"Thanks," she said, raising her chin "she lives in Bournemouth so I gathered we could give her a call and told her about the book and the locket" Remus looked at her.

"Yes, let's do it" he nodded and they walked back down to the school.

"Oi!" someone yelled at their backs as they went downhill. They turned their heads and noticed it was James and Peter walking hurriedly toward them "Where are you going?"

"It's about Olivia Robinson" Sirius mentioned and it was enough for the other two boys to also join their mission.

When they got to the Administration Building, Mrs. Greggs looked at them horrified.

"What? What are you all doing here?" she asked looking at the group of teenagers standing before her desk.

"Uhm...the telephone?" Peter mumbled pointing out at the line of telephones with his thumb.

"No, no, not more than one student for each phone" she shook her head.

"I'm here to call my parents, Mrs. Greggs" James intervened "it was just coincidence I stumbled with this lot on my way here" he then walked away to the phones.

"I have to call my parents too...Aunt Marjorie is sick" Mary said suddenly, putting a sad expression on her face. Remus knitted his eyebrows together.

"We're here for moral support, Mrs. Greggs" Lily added with a sweet voice. The secretary then turned to Remus.

"You?"

"Uh...moral support, too" he pointed at the girls and Mrs. Greggs looked at him with a dead expression.

"And you two?" she looked at Peter and Sirius "Don't tell me you are also moral support" she pursed her lips.

"Have to call my mum, I forgot something back home" Peter chuckled, nervously.

"And Mr. Black?"

"Well, I just love visiting my favorite secretary in the world" he leaned on her desk with a hand, it was safe to say Mrs. Greggs wasn't buying it.

"Just go" she waved at them and they ran to the phones.

"Do you really have a sick aunt?" Peter asked Mary, worriedly.

" 'Course not" she chuckled.

They went to the last phone, huddling with James around it. Remus took the paper out and dialed the number as Lily held the phone in the center so they all could hear. He heard the tone beep a few times before someone answered it.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, hi, are we talking with Anabella Caelkirk?" Lily asked, Remus put his head closer to the phone, not wanting to miss anything.

"Yeah, this is her talking" the voice confirmed on the other line. Her voice was weak and raspy like she had smoked too much when she was younger.

"Hi, Mrs. Caelkirk, my name is Lily Evans I'm a student from Hogwarts Academy of Excellence," she said, confidently to the phone, her voice was that of a grown woman, not a fifteen-years-old girl "I was calling because I believe that you were close friends with someone who used to go here, Olivia Robinson, see we found.."

"Don't call again" Anabella Caelkirk hung up all of the sudden. The sound of the dead line was heard on the phone, making them all look at each other.

"What was that?" Marlene exclaimed confused.

"She just hung up" Lily muttered, frowning.

"I don't understand" Mary breathed.

"Maybe they weren't friends after all" James implied but Lily shook her head instantly.

"No, no, you didn't see them in that photo, Potter, they looked like they were best friends"

"Maybe they had a fall out" Sirius added.

"Or maybe it's just hard to talk about it, she must miss her very much," Lily said and Sirius shook his head.

"It happened 40 years ago"

"Well, you could lose someone and miss them forever" Remus reasoned, he didn't realize he had said it out loud until he noticed they were all looking at him. He hadn't been talking about Olivia and Anabella exactly.

He shared a look with Sirius, and the other boy was staring at him deeply like he understood what he meant, and he probably did. He was the only one in the group that knew exactly what he was referring to.

"I think so, yeah" Lily agreed and placed back the phone.

"Well then, let's go before McGonagall sees us all in here" James suggested and they went out of the Administration Building.

Remus was feeling a little disappointed by the call, it seemed like everything surrounding the mystery of Olivia Robinson led to that: disappointment. It was as if was something behind it that prevented anyone to go further and discover more.

"So what you're gonna do with the book, Remus?" Marlene asked as they walked back to Gryffindor Hall.

"I dunno, I don't want it anymore" he shrugged, putting his hands on the pockets of his school jacket.

"Maybe you could put it back where you find it" Mary advised but James shook his head.

"We will never have the same luck as last time"

"And I don't want to give it to Dumbledore, he's probably just trying to cover every single piece of the story" Sirius scoffed.

"Dumbledore? Why would he do that?" Lily questioned, half-offended.

"To make the school look good, of course," he said as if was obvious "good image, he wouldn't want the story of a Hogwarts student who killed herself on the school's ground"

"Oh, you all talk about it like it's nothing" Lily groaned "it was a suicide, she probably suffered a lot for god-sakes"

"Sorry, but that's the truth of businesses and politics" Sirius shrugged, his lips pressed together. Sometimes -a lot of times- Remus wanted to punch Sirius in the nose.

"We could make a burial site here" James proposed "they probably did a symbolic funeral at her home with her family since they never found the body, but we can make her a proper tomb here at Hogwarts, to commemorate her, with a headstone and all" he smiled.

"That would be nice to do for her." Lily nodded softly "Put everything to rest"

"Pince told us that she died in the river, we could do her grave near there" Remus added.

"I can make a headstone for her" Peter offered.

"Let's do it tomorrow," James said and Lily nodded.

"I like it"

When they arrived at Gryffindor Hall, Daryl was waiting for Mary, he had a serious expression on his face and stood strongly some steps before the buildings.

"Mary, we need to talk," the boy said, gravely and Remus saw how the smile on Mary's face fell. She nodded nervously and walked away with him far from the Hall.

"That didn't sound good" Marlene commented, they all were watching everything from their spots.

"Not at all, Mckinnon, every time your partner tells you 'we need to talk' is doom for certain" Sirius raised his eyebrows. Remus thought of Dalia instantly, and how days before the other boy had been in the same position as Mary.

"And I guess you have a lot of experience with that since you're a dick with every girl" Marlene commented with irony and Sirius opened his mouth.

"She is so your friend" Sirius glanced at him. Remus smirked and high-fived the blond.

"Good one, Marls"

"Wow, and I thought we were getting to the beginning of a beautiful friendship you and I" Sirius pouted and Remus flipped him off.

"Shh, he's moving away" Lily warned and all of their eyes moved again to the couple.

Daryl was walking toward Ravenclaw Hall now, without looking back to Mary, not even once. The girl stood there, frozen in her place. It didn't look good, and the other two girls noticed it earlier, they bolted to where their friend was. They both talked to her but then they hugged Mary tightly at the same time. It seemed like she was crying, her head stuck between the two girls and her back moving up and down in short movements.

"D'you think...?" Peter started but didn't finish his question because Lily and Marlene started to drag Mary to Scarlet Building.

"What happened?" Remus dared to ask when they passed in front of them.

"Just...we'll talk later" Lily blurted out, her face full of worry. They continued to Scarlet Building and Remus watched them disappear behind the door.

One thing was clear, the gossipers at Hogwarts Academy of Excellence were going to have a field day tomorrow.

Chapter Text

You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
And you keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
Now what's right is right but you ain't been right yet
-These Boots Are Made for Walkin', Nancy Sinatra (1966)

January 22nd, 1996

The news of Mary and Daryl's breakup spread like wildfire throughout the school. The only thing the Hogwarts students had been talking about all that weekend was what happened between them, making theories and picking sides as if it was a tournament of some sort.

Nobody had seen Mary since that Friday night. Remus had tried to talk to her several times but Lily and Marlene told him she didn't want to see anybody. So when she walked that Monday morning into the Dining Hall it obviously caused a reaction. The tables went still for a second, heads turning her way and some whispers spread across the Hall. She walked with Lily and Marlene to the line for the food, without any expression on her face.

"I hope she's doing alright," James said, looking at Mary.

"She's gonna be fine" Sirius waved dismissively "I know her, she'll get over that tosser in no time"

"That's not the only thing that I'm worried about, you know how people can be" James raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, everyone's talking about it" Peter added and Sirius scoffed.

"Well I say, it's better people talking shit about you than they not talking about you at all" the boy commented with a playful smile, Remus rolled his eyes and looked back to the girls' table.

"I'm going there" he announced before standing up and walking toward them. When he arrived Marlene was the first to notice his presence.

"Remus"

"Hi" he smiled shyly and looked at Mary "uhm...how are you?"

Remus wanted to slap himself. 'How are you?' That's the best he could come up with? Obviously, she wasn't great, it was clear from her red-rimmed eyes and gloomy expression.

"Better, I guess?" she shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest "well, as best as I can be after being dumped by my boyfriend" she laughed bitterly. Remus shared a glance with Lily.

"I mean, how I should feel, really?" she exclaimed "he didn't even give me a good reason, he just told me he wasn't feeling the same as before, how ridiculous is that?" she raised her hands.

"Oh, just don't think about that tosser" Marlene squeezed her shoulders lightly.

"Here, eat something" Lily pulled apart the borders of the toast on Mary's plate and offered to her but she shook her head.

"I'm not hungry" she fell back on the chair.

"Remus, could you tell your lads to be a little bit less obvious?" Marlene commented, annoyed, looking over Remus' shoulder. He turned around and saw Sirius, James, and Peter all staring at the table. They went back to doing whatever when they noticed them watching back. Remus sighed and shook his head, he was going to kill them.

"Sorry" he mumbled, turning around again.

"Is alright, I know you boys mean good" Mary sniffed "and it's not like everyone in the hall isn't already looking at me" she raised her eyebrows with a sad smile.

"Uhm...well...Sirius said that's better having people talking shit 'bout you than not talking about you at all" he shrugged, not really knowing why he repeated Sirius' words. They had been absurd, but he didn't know what to say to make her feel better.

She chuckled slightly "that's very Sirius of him"

"The agents of my parents say the same thing! There's no bad press, just press" Marlene smirked and Mary smiled a little at her.

"I don't think my mum would think the same, but cheers" Mary pressed her lips together. Remus looked at the other two girls, they seemed to know exactly what to say and do to make Mary happy, Remus wished he had that talent.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" it was the only thing that came to his mind, he had never offered himself like that, but Mary was his friend and she look like she needed help.

"Not right now, no, but thanks Remus" she smiled. He gave her a nod and walked back to his table.

"How is she?" James asked.

"Alright, but not at the same time?" he said confused. He just hope, for Mary, that the news would become old by the next day as it happened to every rumor in the school.

The day went on exactly the same, either the people stared at Mary or they talked about her. Even in the classes, Remus didn't share with the girl he still could hear his classmates whispering about the matter: 'No, no, it was on Friday, he totally dumped her', 'She probably did something wrong, I mean, why would you dump Mary Macdonald?' Remus turned around and stare every time he heard somebody even mentions Mary's name. They would notice Remus looking at them and shut up immediately, probably afraid that he might do something bad to them.

He probably wouldn't, he didn't want another detention on his record, but they didn't know that and it was better to keep it that way.

The other three boys would also do the same. James had cleared his throat strongly when they went out from their French exam and passed by a group of Year 9's chatting about Mary and Daryl, making them stop and look embarrassed; and Sirius had told a Hufflepuff boy, who was talking loudly about the matter, to shut up in front of all the Science class.

After the last class, Remus went to the Library to meet Caradoc. He searched around the place for a minute until he found him sitting with another boy at a table.

"Hi," Remus said, sending a glance to the strange boy. He had seen him around, he was a Ravenclaw and friends with Caradoc and was in the same year as them, but Remus had never cared enough to learn his name or who he was.

"Oh, hi, Remus" Caradoc smiled "this is Benjy" the boy waved at him with a smile. He had brown skin, dark eyes, and dark curly hair.

"Remus Lupin," he said with a straight face, as he sat down. He hadn't expected anyone else.

"Yeah, I know, you hang out with Black and Potter" he nodded and Remus slipped a small frown on his eyebrows. It was weird for him that people that he didn't know, knew who he was.

"Yeah..."

"You don't worry about me, I'll just do my homework silently" he waved dismissively, and Remus nodded slowly.

He started to explain the Lesson that Indigo had given them in the last few weeks. Caradoc's face grew more and more worried every time he mentioned another author.

"I don't know how I'm gonna remember all that, I've never been good with memory" he admitted with a chuckle "we're both here for sports scholarships" Caradoc pointed at him and Benjy "we're not smart like you"

"I'm not smart," Remus said, he didn't consider himself smart, good memory, common sense, and luck had been the things that had saved him at school. If he was smart, he wouldn't have done half the things he's done. Smart people had their things together and know exactly what to do, like Lily. Remus wasn't that, at all.

"Yes, you are" Caradoc insisted "you are just too modest to admit it" Remus didn't say anything more, he wasn't going to fight against what Caradoc was saying, at the end they would still insist that he was smart, even if he didn't see himself that way. It was kind of uncomfortable, they seemed to have this high image of Remus, and he thought that if they knew him completely if they knew how he really was, they would be severely disappointed in him.

"Alright..." he shook his head slightly "let's go back to Byron..."

"Remus, you're friends with Mary Macdonald, right?" Benjy talked suddenly. Remus felt his muscles tense up a little and looked up at the boy.

"Yeah, why?" he frowned slightly, he hoped the conversation wouldn't go where he assumed it was going.

"Benjy fancies her since Year 8" Caradoc responded with a smile, Benjy opened his eyes alarmed.

"Doc!" he exclaimed and Caradoc started laughing.

"I'm not gonna tell her" Remus shrugged, he couldn't care less about Benjy's crush on Mary.

"See, and if he tells him it's not like you have a real chance with her" Caradoc recalled and Benjy opened his mouth.

"Wow, thanks for the encouragement, Doc"

"You're welcome, that's what best friends are for" he laughed again.

"That wasn't what I was gonna say" Benjy shook his head "uh...is it true, that she cheated on Daryl, and that's why they broke up?" he asked, carefully. Remus froze for a split second, trying to analyze the words that had come out of the boy's mouth. Is Mary cheating on Daryl? Why would he say that? How could you even assume that was possible? Mary would never do that.

"What did you say?" he scowled, his fist tight on his leg, he had enough that day of stupid rumors and people talking about his friend, and now they were saying she was a cheater too.

"Oh, I don't believe that, I just heard it around" Benjy blurted out, his eyes wide open and fear reigning on his face.

"From who?" he asked, gritting his teeth.

"Some boys at Ravenclaw" he shrugged and glanced at Caradoc, like looking for help "I-I didn't think it was true, that's why I ask you"

"Well, tell your mates at Ravenclaw that Mary would never do that, and if they want to talk about that, they can come to me first," he said, feeling the rage flood his body.

"Oh, yeah...I...I tell...them" Benjy stuttered and went back to his homework, cheeks red.

"Uh, sorry 'bout that" Caradoc laughed nervously and Remus shook his head.

"Let's just continue doing this"

An hour later he went out of the Library and walked quickly to Scarlet Building. He entered unadvised, ignoring the stares and complaints of the girls around. He went to Lily's and Marlene's bedroom, hoping the three girls would be together, and knocked on the door. Lily opened it and when he saw Remus she frowned.

"Remus?"

"Is Mary with you?" he peeked over his head, trying to check if the girl was inside the room.

"Uh, yeah, what happened?" she opened the door more and Remus saw Mary standing beside Lily's bed.

"I need to tell you something" he announced, entering the room. Mary and Marlene turned to him, confused.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" the blond asked, sitting on her own bed.

"There are people saying you cheated on Daryl," he said to Mary. The girl's lip parted slightly and her eyes widened.

"What?" he muttered.

"What? Who told you that?" Lily questioned, panicked.

"Some Ravenclaw boy...I thought you might want to know" he turned again to Mary. She sat down on Lily's bed, looking startled, frozen in her thoughts.

"Daryl's in Ravenclaw" Marlene reminded with a tint of anger in her voice.

"You don't think...?" Lily started but Mary interrupted

"No...if he believes that he would've told me"

"He could've lied, Mary" Marlened intervened, pressing her lips together.

"I just...no...he wouldn't do that..." she shook her head "I don't understand...we spent the best weeks together before the break...he told me he loved me" her voice broke suddenly and Remus shared a look with Marlene and Lily "we literally..." she made a pause and looked away "we had sex" Lily gasped a little.

Remus understood now what had happened. Maybe he hadn't been close to boys before, but it wasn't necessary to be to know how they were. It was disgusting and sickening to think about. Remus dug his nails into his palms and turned around, walking to the door with the urge to break Daryl's face leading his body.

"Remus, where are you going?" Lily asked desperately

"To Ravenclaw" he put his hand on the doorknob, about to turn it around when Mary stopped him.

"No!" she yelled "you stay here, Remus" her authoritative voice broke through the room paralyzing Remus. He had never heard that tone on her.

"Mary, he used you..." he said, frowning at the girl. Lily opened his eyes and Mary's lips quivered.

"No, Remus, he-he didn't... it was my decision to have sex with him" she claimed, her eyes flickering around, and Remus clenched his jaw.

"But-"

"You asked me if there was something you could do to help, now there is" she stepped closer, her chin high "you promise me, Remus... promise me you would stay out of it, promise me you won't hurt him" her eyes were steady on his "I don't want you, or Sirius, or James, or Pete in this, alright?" Remus nodded, swallowing all his anger back.

"It's my thing to handle...so let me handle it my way" she added.

"Fine," Remus said after some seconds.

"Now go, please, I've already had too much today" her face softened into a tired expression. Remus nodded and glanced at Lily and Marlene before going out of the room.

While walking to Lion he still felt the need to break Daryl's body in half, but his friendship with Mary and the girls was more important than anything he felt at that moment.

January 24th, 1996

The game between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had turned into something more than just a Football match, it became a fight between those who supported Mary and those who supported Daryl. The rumor about Mary cheating on him had grown bigger over the last couple of days, fueling the rivalry between the two houses more. Inevitably those who were from the Gryffindor house supported Mary over the boy, and those who were from the Eagle house supported Daryl; there were some that fell in between -Ravenclaws that believed Mary and Gryffindors that believed Daryl-, but overall the tensions were high that Wednesday noon.

Remus was walking with the girls to the Football field. Mary was wearing a gloomy expression on her face, Lily had suggested that they stayed back in their dorms, leaving Marlene to go with Remus, but Mary insisted that she had to show her face in the game because 'people were expecting her to do so'. Neither of them tried to fight against that reasoning and just went out with their scarlet and gold-themed outfits. Remus was wearing the sweater James had given to him and had let Marlene paint two red lines on his cheeks.

When they arrived at the stands Remus noticed that what Mary had said was true, people around the Gryffindor side sent glances and whispers to Mary, some kinder than others. They met Peter in the middle, where he had saved them some seats, he wore that same lion that he had in the game against Slytherin.

"Sirius?" he asked mindlessly, looking over the next seats beside Peter, expecting Dalia to be there but she wasn't.

"He already went to the booth" Peter signed with his head to the small booth over the right side of the field where the commentators were "Is Mary alright?" he asked lowering his voice a little, Remus shrugged not really having a good answer for him. She might say that she was fine but her eyes told a different story.

"Welcome everyone!" a masculine voice that didn't belong to Sirius shouted on the mic, probably from Ravenclaw's commentator "to the Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw match" both stands roared. The players were already on the field. Remus spotted James walking to the center of the field with Woods, the two boys seemed to be in serious conversation. He also saw Miles, Dalia's brother among the players, his golden hair shining against the sun and a smirk full

"The stakes are higher than ever, we have the only two winning teams in the league right now against each other" Sirius talked now, the players lined up as usual at the center.

"I wonder who would win"

"What question is that Brooks? Of course, it would be Gryffindor" Sirius scoffed on the megaphone.

"We'll see that Black" the other boy commented with a tint of disdain in his voice. They sang Hogwarts' anthem and Remus saw Woods and the other captain -whom Remus recognized as Hamza, one of Xeno's friends- walking toward the referee, who this time was Madam Hooch. After the coin toss -which Gryffindor won- Sirius and Brooks went over the names of the players on each side and then the game began with a loud whistle from Hooch.

"Woods has the ball, but Peakes gets it, Peakes...Peakes running, Cruz tries but can't get it, Peakes passes it to Hamza...Hamza has it...he's running for the goal..." anticipation built up on the blue and bronze stands "Oh! Diggory kicks it out" Brooks groaned and the Gryffindor fans cheered.

"That's our greatest defense for you, Brooks, Amos Diggory everyone!" Sirius announced on the mic and Remus saw Diggory pointing from the field toward the booth with a smile.

"Grimshaw has it, he passes it to Dawlish, Dawlish to Kirke, Kirke runs..."

"Woods got it!" Sirius interrupts Brooks' narration "Woods is running, Grimshaw's after him, he tries and-Ouch!" Remus saw Miles plummetting against the fake grass strongly "that's gotta hurt, Miles" Sirius laughs "Woods runs, he passes it to Patil, Patil at the front, Potters near, Chatti tries but Patil's quicker, Patil to Potter-goal!" the stands erupted in cheers "Goal from the great James Potter! That's right!"

"Yes, James!" Marlene yelled and jumped on her seat beside Remus and Peter blew loudly a small plastic trumpet on the other side.

James ran to the Gryffindor stands, and made an 'M' with his hand, pointing to where they were, dedicating his goal to Mary. Remus turned to the girl and she was grinning for the first time in days. Lily hugged her excitedly and watched James with glittering eyes.

"Not looking so confident now, are you Brooks?" Sirius snorted.

"It's only the beginning, Black, we have a lot of game in front of us..." Remus could tell the other boy wasn't having it.

Well, if there was something true about Sirius is that he knew exactly how to get on your nerves. Especially if he didn't like you.

The first half was about to end. Hamza had possession of the ball and was running toward the goal. Brooks shouted on the megaphone, both stands tensing as they clearly saw the perfect opportunity for a Ravenclaw goal in front of them when McLaggen pushed Hamza from the back and the boy fell into his face, rolling on the ground. Yells and complaints were heard, especially from the blue side.

Peakes, one of the other forwards, shoved McLaggen angrily and the whole Gryffindor team ran toward the two. Shouting came from both sides of the stands. Souza and Diggory got between the Ravenclaw and McLaggen, and part of the Eagle team hurried to join the quarrel. Diggory yelled something at Peaked and pushed him on the shoulder. Miles ran and got himself in between his teammate and Diggory, placing his face really close to Amos'. He was wearing a taunting smirk as he told something to the Gryffindor defense, forehead against forehead

Remus didn't know why, but he couldn't look away from the two boys, it made him feel weird for some reason. Everything around him started to feel hot, his face, his neck, his insides...probably from all the anger coming from the Gryffindor supporters.

He saw Madam Hooch bolt across the field, blowing her whistle. She pointed at Peakes and Diggory and took out a yellow card, then she walked to where McLaggen was and also gave him a yellow card. Then she blew the whistle long as she made a sign to announce that the first half was over.

"It seems that cheating is a requirement to be a Gryffindor" Brooks commented loudly. Remus noticed how everyone turned to Mary. The girl pressed her lips together and looked away, frozen and ashamed Remus now had two Ravenclaws in his 'punching' list.

"Oh Brooks, if only Ravenclaws could play as well as they talk shi-rubbish...sorry Minnie" Sirius said and some Gryffindors laughed, showing supporting smiles to Mary.

After halftime, Remus noticed that James and Woods were in a heated conversation as they entered the field again. James waved his arms frantically and Woods just kept shaking his head. Remus had never seen James in that state, he was usually pretty calm and didn't get angry easily. The boy waved dismissively and walked away from the captain.

"They changed the formation" Peter blurted out and Remus turned to him with a frown.

"What?"

"Oh yeah, they replaced McLaggen with Bell and put Patil as a midfielder" Marlene commented. If they had spoken in another language Remus would've understood the same as he did that moment.

"James didn't seem happy about it either," Peter shook his head worriedly.

About ten minutes into the second half, Hamza scored an incredible goal, putting the board 1-1. They all groaned in frustration and it seemed to pass into James Potter who visibly cursed in Spanish. As the game progressed it was more like a game of Ping-Pong than Football. The ball passed between the red and the blue team without any final destination. The nerves had grown on the stands. It wasn't enough to have a tie, somebody had to win.

They had to win. For Mary.

"Ok, ok, Gryffindors, let's spell something" Sirius animated, probably trying to distract everyone from the exasperating game below "give me an L"

"L!" the people around yelled.

"Give me an O!"

"O!" Remus joined, looking confused at the girls, they were in the same state as him but were eager to join the crowd.

"Give me an S!"

"S!"

"Give me an E!"

"E!"

"Give me an R!"

"R!"

"What does it says?"

"Loser!" everyone yelled cheerfully.

"Yeah! That's dedicated to a certain lad in the Ravenclaw house," he sneered "a little hint: his name begins with a D" everyone laughed, getting the joke. Remus glanced at the girls and Mary was staring at the booth as she laughed with Lily and Marlene.

Just a minute before the game could finish, Hamza and Peakes ran the ball between each other and across the entire Gryffindor defense. Thomas and Souza tried to get the ball but were unsuccessful. Hamza passed to Peakes and he kicked it into the goal, scoring another point for Ravenclaw.

The Gryffindors groaned disappointedly at the same time the Ravenclaws cheered loudly. The game finished, Lions losing against the Eagles 2-1. The air at the crimson stands was stale and cold, whereas, on the other side, it seemed like a party had broken out.

"Ravenclaw wins!" Brooks yelled into the megaphone "What d'you say Black? That Gryffindor would win?" he teased.

"Fuck off" was heard from Sirius a little bit further away, then the sound of someone tossing something, and then the microphone gave feedback around the field, pricking the ears of everyone present. It didn't seem to bother the Ravenclaws, who were jumping and chanting with their team, as the Gryffindor one got into the changing rooms, James wearing a sour face, not usually his.

Remus turned to see Mary and the girl had a little smile on her lips.

"I'm sorry, Mary," Marlene said, rubbing a hand on the other girl's arm.

"Don't worry, I had a good time" her lips quirked up more, but behind her brown eyes, there was a spark of sadness.

"Let's get out of here" Lily suggested and they walked out of the stands following the hoard of sad Gryffindor students getting out of the field.

"Should we wait on James and Sirius?" Peter questioned Remus, he turned to the girls as if asking if they needed his presence.

"It's fine, we're going to Scarlet anyways" Marlene shrugged dismissively "see ya' " the three girls waved away and Peter and Remus went over to where the changing rooms were.

"Mary seemed pretty sad" Peter observed.

"Yeah" Remus nodded "I guess it's hard to break up with your partner" he put his hands in his pockets. All the adrenaline and excitement of the game were starting to wear away, and Remus was now craving a cigarette.

"I've never had a girlfriend" Peter muttered, his round cheeks a little bit red with shame. Remus smirked and put his hand over Peter's shoulder.

"S'fine, I've never had a girlfriend either" Peter opened his eyes a little surprised.

"You've never had a girlfriend? But you kissed Seige Peterson" he pointed out and Remus chuckled.

"Guess it was luck...was my first kiss" he admitted "but don't tell Sirius that, he would tease me about it 'til I die" they both laugh.

"Then you could tease him back for being irrationally scared of dogs" he laughed and Remus looked at him confused.

"Wut?"

"Oh" he laughed nervously "you remember, his name, Padfoot, comes from this prank James did to him in Year 7"

"Yeah, you lot told me sum' about that" Remus nodded.

"Well, there used to be a black dog that hung around the area years ago" Peter started to explain shyly "he would come to the campuses and even appear inside the school now and then. When Sirius learned about that, he went bollocks, he told us this crazy story his mum used to tell him about a black dog being like Satan or sum' " Peter made a face and Remus pressed his lips together. Every time he heard something new about Sirius' parents it was something terrible that made him despise them even more.

"Then James had this brilliant idea of bringing the bloody dog inside the dorms" Peter chuckled "he managed to get the dog inside their room, so when Sirius went back from Music Club he'd seen him sleeping in his bed"

"That doesn't seem like quite a good prank" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah, it wasn't" Peter shook his head and looked away as if he was relieving those momenta again "it didn't end well either, when Sirius went back to their dorm he found Snuffles -as we called him- there and, of course, it was afraid since he had been locked in a strange room. The dog went crazy on Sirius and started barking aggressively at him, Sirius screamed and one moment to the other he fainted" Remus let out a cackle.

"He fainted?"

"Yeah, that was he hates that story so much," Peter said in a smaller voice "McGonagall found us with an unconscious Sirius and a black dog that day and made us clean since there were muddy pawprints everywhere, even on Sirius"

"That's where the name comes from" Remus reasoned and Peter nodded, watching the first couple of boys from the Gryffindor team get out of the changing rooms with gloomy faces.

"Padfoot, James came up with it as a joke but Sirius loved it for some reason" Peter shrugged "then he insisted on getting each one of us nicknames"

"Right, he has pestered me with creating one for me" Remus rolled his eyes, going back to some days ago.

"Just know he would come up with something eventually" Peter looked at him pointedly "he always does"

"Oh, yeah, Wormtail and Prongs?" he raised his eyebrows curiously and Peter caught on to that.

"Prongs came up thanks to Sirius' revenge after the dog thing. He put glue on James' shampoo and his hair got stuck up like the antlers of a deer" he made a sign over his head in a shape of a U. Remus laughed, he could only imagine James Potter with his already mess of hair getting it glued on that silly shape.

"And yours?"

"Well, they wanted me in the prank fight but I said I wouldn't do anything to them because they hadn't done anything to me" Peter sighed with a tired face.

"Oh" Remus sucked air through his teeth.

"Yeah, I basically asked for them to prank me. They brought a mouse pet from some girl and put it over my chest while I was asleep, the thing got into my covers and started crawling over my arms, I woke up and thought its tail was a worm" he shrugged again with a little smile. He appeared proud to be telling Remus that as if he was just waiting for that moment after all those months of knowing each other.

"Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs" Remus repeated in a whisper.

It was strange to finally hear the real stories of their names, he remembered Marlene saying nobody knew why they called each other that and how they were so reluctant in telling the truth.

"Oh, here they come" Peter talked after some minutes. Remus watched how James and Sirius walked out of the changing rooms together. The older boy wrapped an arm around James' shoulders as he talk to him, the other boy had a scowl under his round glasses and gripped his bag tightly on his shoulder. They noticed them and walked up to where they were.

"Aw, you lads wait up," Sirius said in an overly-dramatic tone.

"Shove it, I was just keeping Pete company" Remus rolled his eyes but he could tell that Sirius didn't buy one bit of his comment by the cheeky smile he had.

"How are you?" Pete asked James as they walked away from the field.

"God, I-ugh!" James groaned and shook his head "Woods made a stupid change in the second half"

"Oh, yeah, we notice" Peter glance at Remus, but he didn't react. He would be lying if he said he'd understood anything Marlene and him had said to each other that time.

"I told him it was a bad idea to get McLaggen out, he can get carried away sometimes but he's a good defense" the boy protested, his tone a little bit more rushed and hard than usual "and he replaced him with Bell, who is good, don't get me wrong; but not as a defense, he works best as a midfielder...and then he also puts Patil as a midfielder, as if hadn't done a bloody assistance in the first half!" he exclaimed waving his arms as Remis had seen him do on the field earlier.

"There, there, Prongs," Sirius tapped his shoulder "Woods graduating this year, you just have to put up with him for this season and then no more" James sighed deeply.

"I feel bad for being mad at him, I like him" James gave a pained face, his anger coming off. Remus wishes he could pass that quickly "is just that he always wants to do whatever the hell he wants and refuses to hear any of my feedback"

"Sounds like somebody I know"Remus commented, glancing at Sirius. The boy flipped him off and Remus chuckled.

"Anyways, thanks for coming guys" James smiled a little, looking at them.

"Of course, we wouldn't have missed it" Peter patted his other shoulder with a warm smile.

"And there had to be someone in there with that wanker of Brooks" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah I heard what he said" James frowned slightly.

"I wanted to jab him so hard every time he opened his mouth" Sirius huffed.

"It was nice what you did" Remus glanced at Sirius "what you both did" he looked at James, "I think Mary liked it"

"I'm glad, I wished we could do more, I heard some awful things from the Ravenclaws" James shook his head with a face filled with disgust.

Oh, if they only knew what Mary had told him.

They went to Lion and gathered in Room C-12 as always. Sirius put on some music -The Kinks to cheer up James a little- and Remus got his cigarette box out. Sirius asked him for one, of course, and he passed him one with a warning face.

"I should start charging you"

"You wouldn't" Sirius opened his mouth offended as Remus lit up his cigarette.

"I would"

They smoked as James explained what had happened inside the field for Sirius and Peter's entertainment. Remus was just comfortable sitting in silence and smoking.

Remus had just lit up a second cigarette when the door opened and Frank peeked his head inside.

"I knew it was you, Remus" he pursed his lips "go and smoke outside" he opened the door more and Remus sighed, grabbing his jacket and getting out of the room. He could've just thrown it away but he wasn't about to waste a good cigarette.

He stood some steps away from Gryffindor Hall, just beside the same lamp light Daryl had broken up with Mary. The night had settled in with the cold and dark ambiance, but at the distance, he could hear animated voices and some music. Probably the Ravenclaws celebrating their win.

"Remus?" he heard a familiar voice call his name down the street. He turned around and saw Seige Peterson with her friends -Henry and Charlotte- toward him. He froze in place, they were coming to talk to him.

He had avoided them since that party, he didn't think they would care for a 'kid' like him, also he felt too embarrassed to face any of them after what happened with Seige.

"Hi," he said, coughing out some smoke that had gotten into his lungs from the nervousness.

"What you doing here outside all alone, mate?" Henry questioned with a laugh.

"Uhm, smoking" he responded simply. Wasn't it obvious? Either way, he wanted them to go, he didn't think he would be as social and relaxed as that day he had multiple bears inside of his system and all of them were stoned out of this world.

"Wanna come with us? There's a party at Ravenclaw" Seige questioned with a smile. A really pretty smile.

"I gathered" he looked away. Staring Seige in the eyes was making him nervous.

"Then come on! You're a Gryffindor but you're still invited!" Henry exclaimed with too much energy, getting behind Remus and pushing him by the shoulders.

"No, 'm fine, I..." he tried to put force on his feet so Henry wouldn't move him, but the older boy was shaped like a rugby player and easily dragged him across the street.

"Nonsense, nonsense, tonight is celebration night" Henry kept saying to him until he finally got Remus into Eagle Building.

The Common Room was filled to the brim with Ravenclaw students, all still sporting blue shirts and accessories, which made his red and gold sweater more obvious among the crowd. The air was a thick haze and it was a lot hotter inside than it was outside. There was playing one of those electronic songs that were popular on the radio, Remus didn't understand the appeal but it seemed that most of the Ravenclaws liked it a lot.

"Rhythm is a dancer, it's a soul's companion, you can feel it everywhere" Henry sang, putting his arms up and giving Remus the perfect opportunity to escape his grip. He turned around, thinking of walking to the door but he faced Seige first.

"Want a drink?" she offered, Remus opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to come up with words but he couldn't. The girl just laughed and grabbed his hand, leading him to the kitchen. Inside there were two boys from the Football team that gave him a weird look before going out of the kitchen, he knew he shouldn't be there. Seige gave him a pint and grabbed something stronger for her.

They were alone now and Remus was growing more and more nervous. His palms were sweating and his heart raced inside his chest. She looked very pretty. She was very pretty. But Remus didn't have enough courage to do the same things he had done that night. The girl stepped closer to him as she told him something he didn't hear. He was just looking at the door, waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape that situation and go back to Lion.

Thankfully, Xeno came into the kitchen cackling out loud and making Seige step back with an annoyed expression.

"Remus!" the boy exclaimed, opening his arms wide and walking over to him. He pressed his lips together in a forced smile and let the boy hug him.

"Hi"

"What are you doing here, mate? Is nice seeing you, haven't seen ya' in a week" Xeno patted his shoulder strongly, Remus made a pained face and glanced at Seige, she was staring at the blond boy with laser eyes.

"Yeah...been' busy" he shrugged, getting Xeno's hand off his shoulder. He was probably going to have a bruise there after all that.

"You and your busy schedule" Xeno tapped his cheek a little before going to his side, where the bottles of booze were "tell me, how's life treating ya'?" Xeno's eyes were red and lost, his smile was barely a smile and more like a warped line on his face. He was stoned.

"Oh...great?" Remus drank from his pint, not wanting to look back at Seige.

"I'll be outside," she told him on his ear, putting a hand over his arm, before getting out of the kitchen.

"Wow, we have a little casanova here" Xeno shoved him a little, signing with his head where Seige had gone out.

"Sod off, it's nothing" he rolled his eyes, drinking more beer.

"If you say so" Xeno shrugged, laughing. Remus wanted to get out now and get back to his dorm with his friends, but now Xeno got him trapped in the kitchen, talking to him about everything and nothing at the same time. He told him something about wanting to create a newspaper and work in media, and also about some new mushrooms he had tried the other day.

Yeah, that's why I don't hang with you lot anymore.

As the older boy talked, Remus downed two beers and a vodka drink unknowingly, so when he finally found a moment to go out of the kitchen, he felt like his muscles had gotten heavier and his head lighter. The lights in the Common Room hurt his eyes and his movements weren't as precise as they were before. But he didn't feel drunk yet, he could still make it to Lion. He was thinking of going to the door, but somebody yelled his name behind his back.

"Remus!" he turned around and saw Miles walking up to him with a smirk on his face and his shirt missing. Remus couldn't help but notice his naked torso. Miles was slim but had toned muscle all over his abdomen, his arms were strong and his shoulders wide, and for some reason that made Remus nervous. It was perhaps the fact that even if he tried he'd never look like that, maybe it was just simple jealousy. Either way, he couldn't look away from his chest.

What the fuck are you doing? Look at his face, he's gonna think you like him or sum.

"How are you, dude?" he wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulders and it sent an electric shock all through his body.

"Uhm, great-good-alright" he blurted out the words, looking away and refusing to make visual contact with Miles.

"So you Gryffindors got a taste of your own medicine today" Miles grabbed Remus' face with one hand, pressing his cheeks together. He pulled away as if Miles' touch was toxic, feeling his face hot.

"Uhm, yeah, I...I guess" he made a step back and flickered his eyes around the room. He didn't understand why he was like that, why his hands had become clammy all over again and his body felt like it had a fire inside.

Probably the alcohol

"I admit, I didn't want to get in a fight with Diggory, it's just that he got with Peakes first, so, of course, I had to defend him" he talked with that nonchalant American accent of his. He snatched Remus' pint out of his hand and chugged it. Remus looked at him again with a slight frown.

His face was flushed with drunkenness, his golden straight hair was messy but still look good, the tips of it were plastered with sweat, and he wore a pukka necklace that further completed that 'surfer' look he had going on.

He didn't understand how could someone be so wasted and still look good. Remus probably always appeared like a proper mess when he drank. He could never be like Miles, effortlessly cool and good-looking, not with all the scars he had over his body, not with his awkwardness and lack of social skills.

"Also, I didn't appreciate what your buddy said about me when I fell" Miles raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's Sirius, can't do anything 'bout it" he shrugged with a nervous chuckle.

"I know, but man! I totally blew that and I thought nobody would notice" Miles cackled. Some signals lit up inside his brain hearing that laugh, like he had done something right. He didn't understand why he wanted to impress Miles, maybe because he was popular, but Remus had never cared about popularity. Then what was it?

"He sorta had to do it, y'know...Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oh right..." he recalled "she's your friend right?"

"Yeah"

"Look, I support her 100%, that group of boys are just a bunch of losers, I wouldn't be surprised if what they say is false" he put his hands on his hips.

"It is false" Remus stressed.

"I figured" Miles hummed "if there were more boys like you, dude, I think all the girls would be better" he tapped his shoulder and Remus felt his throat dry.

"Hey, Miles, we're doing shotguns!" another boy called from across the room.

"Coming!" he yelled and turned to Remus again "wanna come?" he suggested. Remus didn't know what a 'shotgun' was but he didn't want to follow Miles anywhere, their conversation was enough for that night.

"No, I...I'm gonna grab another pint" he signed to the kitchen and Miles smirked.

"Alright, see ya' " when Miles had disappeared into the crowd Remus felt like he could finally breathe again.

That had been a mess.

He walked to the door, hoping he could finally get out of that prison of blue and bronze, but he spotted Seige with a friend near it. He didn't want the girl to see him, so he walked backward and hurried to another point in the room, his eyes still fixed on the girl, making sure she wouldn't see him. Then he crashed into somebody.

"Sorry" he mumbled, before noticing who it was.

"Remus" Flynn smiled widely, his eyes were like Xeno's, tired and red.

Somebody kill me now.

"I haven't seen you in so long"

Yeah, that's because I've been avoiding all of you.

He didn't want Frank to see him with them and be caught in another 'incident' like the one on New Year's Eve. He preferred to leave that in the past.

He did worry about how he was going to get his cigarettes, but he thought he figures that as the month went on.

"D'you finished the X's I gave you?" he asked raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"I threw them away" Remus answered, deadpanning.

"You threw them away?!" the other boy asked horrified.

"Had to, almost died taking one" he shrugged and Flynn opened his eyes.

"You almost died?" a laugh escaped from his lips and Remus frowned.

"Yeah..."

"Shit, I didn't think they would be that strong" he scratched the back of his neck "sorry, let me make it to you" Remus glanced at him cautiously, he didn't need another drug problem "how are you in fags?"

"Uh, almost out" he admitted.

"Right, wait here" Flynn flew away and up the stairs of the building. Remus stayed there for some seconds. He looked around and spotted Daryl with his group, among them there was Brooks. Remus wasn't surprised to find out that they were friends, judging by his comments on the game.

"Here," Flynn came a minute later handing him two boxes of cigarettes and a small mint tint. Remus grabbed the Malboros but frowned at the metal tint.

"What's that?" he questioned. Flynn sighed and opened the tint, showing Remus a couple of rolled joints inside.

"To ease that hard face you have on" he joked and put the tint inside the pocket of Remus' jacket.

"You are giving me all of this for free?" Remus asked unsurely. It was too good to be true.

"Of course, we are friends, aren't we?" Flynn scanned his face "Also, I feel bad for the X" he shrugged and Remus gave him a nod.

"Right" Flynn probably didn't care about losing money anyways, his parents were rich even if he didn't act likewise.

Remus was trying to come up with an excuse to leave when he noticed the whole party shifting its attention toward the door. There he saw Mary, Lily, and Marlene getting into the Common Room. The redhead looked a little bit on edge, Marlene glanced around with a frown and an unfriendly face, and Mary led the group with a steady and confident expression. They walked up to Daryl and his group and Remus could already tell that some drama would go down. He hurried to where they were and Lily and Marlene noticed his presence.

"Remus?" they asked surprised.

"Daryl" Mary called the boy, out loud, so everybody in the room could hear her.

"Mary?" the boy scowled at her "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here" he looked around. Remus note that everyone in the room now had their eyes focused on the ex-couple.

"I came to get the story straight," she said confidently "you know well that the things they're saying about me are false, I didn't cheat on you and never thought of doing so" her chin was high, and her eyes were fixed on the other boy.

"Are you calling me a liar now? I never said that" he questioned, his tone a little bit offended.

"I never said you were a liar" she stated "and maybe you didn't say that but you weren't man enough to say the truth, so I had to come to do that"

"Well then, what's the truth you want to tell everyone?" he sighed tiredly as if he was already annoyed by the girl. Remus was holding back his anger and his impulse of clashing his fist against the boy's face.

"I'm not a cheater, you broke up with me because you said you didn't feel anything anymore, that's on you, I had nothing to do with the breakup" she pointed at him.

"Maybe he didn't feel anything else because you cheated on him" Brooks commented, standing beside Daryl.

"You shut up" Marlene spat at the boy.

"See babe, this is what I was talking about" Daryl walked to Mary wearing a concerned expression now "making a whole show out of nothing, if we both know you didn't cheat then we could've talked about it in private, not do this in front of all of my friends"

"Talked about it?" Mary repeated with a bitter laugh "you've been avoiding me for the past few days" she opened her arms.

"That's crazy, I was busy all week" he scowled. Remus really wanted to punch him in the face.

"You know what? Forget it, everyone already heard from you that I didn't cheat" she raised her hands "I'm out" she turned around to walk to the door when Brooks added something under his breath.

"Nobody wanted you here anyway" he and Daryl laughed, and Remus stepped forward, clenching his fists and feeling the anger vibrating inside him.

"Don't" Lily grabbed his wrist "remember what Mary said, we are no good if we get into their level" she warned, her emerald eyes wide open and Remus' breath shook.

Mary turned to Brooks and then scoffed "I don't need to hear shit from a boy whose dick is probably smaller than my heels" laughs were heard around them and Brooks' face turned into stone. Mary looked at him and finally walked away.

"Whore" Brooks mumbled but they were able to hear it anyways. Remus snapped his head to him, preparing to strike his fist against that face but Lily pulled him hard.

"Come on, let's go" she insisted.

"What? Are we not doing anything about that?" Marlene protested, getting beside the redhead and him. He couldn't talk, his rage was too empowering that he felt if he tried to do something he'll end up breaking anyone's face.

"Remus promised Mary that he wouldn't hurt anyone, so we're out" Lily reminded the blond. She made a face and shook her head.

"Well I didn't promise shit," she said. She walked back to where Brooks was and punched him hard on the nose. Lily gasped and Remus' jaw struck the floor.

That was unexpected.

"Fuck!" Marlene groaned, grabbing her hand, and Brooks cursed her as his nose started pouring blood on his hands.

"Let's go, Marls" Lily scolded, grabbing the girl by the shoulder and dragging them both outside Eagle like a mom with her two kids "I can't believe you did that" Lily muttered as they followed Mary on her way to Gryffindor Hall. The girl didn't say a word or turn to see them, she just walked silently under the night sky.

"I can't believe it either" Remus admitted looking at the girl in awe.

"Somebody had to shut that tosser's mouth," she said, his face twisting in pain as she grabbed her right hand against her chest.

"Well, at least it wasn't Remus" Lily sighed tiredly, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Did you hear that, Mary? I broke Brooks' nose" Marlene chuckled, walking a little bit faster to catch up with the girl. Mary stopped in front of Lion Building and Remus saw her back moving as she sobbed.

"Mary?" Lily asked, walking faster to her friend. Mary turned around, revealing a sea of tears in her eyes. Marlene and Lily hurried to her and hugged her tightly. She dug her head of brown curls between the two girls and continued crying. Remus stood in front of the three, not really knowing what to do, but standing and watching his friend worriedly.

"I hate him" she cried "I hate him, how could he act like that? Why would he act like that?" Lily glanced at Remus and he pressed his lips together. He didn't know exactly what Mary was feeling but seeing her like that broke his heart.

The door of Lion opened up three boys came out of there talking animatedly.

"There he is!" Sirius exclaimed, signing at Remus with his arms, they walked down the steps and went over to them "James was worried about you, he said- wait, what happened?" he looked at the girls with a frown.

"Mary, are you alright?" James asked.

"Is that blood?" Peter pointed at Marlene's hand.

"Let's go inside" Remus sighed tiredly and they all went to Lion.

The girls sat down on the old couch and Lily and Marlene started telling them about what happened. Peter made Mary some tea while Sirius looked for ice for Marlene's hand and James went over to his room to look for his first aid kit.

"So you broke Brooks' face then?" Sirius asked with an amused laugh as he gave the blond an ice pack.

"Sorta, but I didn't know it would hurt so fucking bad" she groaned, placing the ice carefully over her knuckles, she hissed when the cold hit the open skin and Remus chuckle beside her.

"Amateur" Sirius teased, sitting on an armchair near the sofa.

"I still have a good hand left, Black, don't try me" she threatened with a smile.

"I think it's pretty badass" Sirius shrugged slouching back on the chair.

"It was" Remus confirmed looking back at the blond, she grinned proudly and then glanced back at Mary. The girl was still sipping from the hot cup of lavender tea.

"I couldn't let that wanker have the last word"

"And I thought Remus would be the one getting us into trouble" Lily shook her head, looking at him.

"Oh, no, Remus just likes to get us into trouble" James arrived, passing the kit to Remus and then sitting beside Peter on a puff.

"You were the ones insisting I joined you" Remus raised an eyebrow as he opened the kit and took out some bandages.

"And we would do it all over again," Sirius winked at him and James and Peter nodded, agreeing with him. Remus fought back a smile and grabbed Marlene's hand carefully.

"This might sting" he warned before putting a cotton ball drenched in alcohol over her knuckles. She hissed again, pulling the hand out of Remus' grip. He looked at her and she gave him a guilty smile.

"Sorry, continue" she put her hand again on Remus' hand.

"Thank you, guys" Mary spoke for the first time in minutes "all of you" she looked at them with her red-rimmed eyes.

"Of course" James grinned.

"I didn't think he would act like that, he made me feel like I was going crazy, I..." she huffed and stared at the ground.

"I told you he was a right prick" Marlene commented as Remus finished putting bandages over her hand.

"Marls!" Lily scolded.

"No, no, she's right" Mary shook her head, grabbing Lily's hand softly "he's a dick"

"So are we getting back on him?" Sirius smiled naughtily.

"Hold your horses, Black, we're not doing that" Marlene looked at him pointedly.

"We're not getting back at him?" James asked, sitting up.

"We aren't doing anything, it's all Mary's decision" Lily signed her friend with her head.

"I'm tired of all of this, I don't want to see him or know about him anymore" her face was filled with pain and disgust "I don't want to do anything else, alright?" she looked at them severely.

"Ok, we won't do anything" Remus promised her, even though he couldn't be too sure that James or Sirius wouldn't try anything later.

January 25th, 1996

Of course, James and Sirius didn't listen to what Mary said and somehow managed to get a lot of the people around Hogwarts to ignore Daryl, as if he didn't exist. It was childish, yeah, but it also was funny to see Daryl frustrated at lunch because the servers wouldn't acknowledge him.

The four boys had gotten out of PE class and were walking to Lion, James had a sour face since Madam Hooch had congratulated the Ravenclaws for their win, making James remember all the anger he'd had the day before. Sirius and Peter were trying to cheer him up by talking about movies and comics. When they reached Gryffindor Hall, they stumbled into Lily.

"Hey, Evans" James smiled a bit but the girl didn't look so happy.

"You four!" she shouted and they came to a halt "Mary told you to not do anything and what did you do? Something!" she exclaimed.

"It was an innocent prank, Evans, it's not a big deal" Sirius brushed it off but Lily didn't agree with him.

"I don't care if it was a little joke, you told us that you wouldn't do anything" Lily glanced at Remus with her hands on her hip.

"It was mine and Pad's idea, alright?" James pointed at him and Sirius "Don't blame Remus and Pete"

"Of course it was, when have you two listened to anything anyone tells you?" she raised her arms exasperated, and turned around.

"Lily!" James called.

"Keep it, Potter!" she yelled back as she walked to Scarlet.

"She hates me again" James sighed tiredly and Remus pressed his lips together.

"When hasn't she?" Sirius snorted.

"We were getting into good terms!" James bowed his head as they went up the steps of Lion Building "I fucked it, again!"

"It will pass her" Remus assured "you two just have to say sorry to Mary" he shrugged.

"Maybe for you, but I had worked really hard to finally talk with her and now I ruined it, again!" the boy whined and Sirius sighed deeply as if he already had a lot of experience with that same issue.

"Alright, Prongs" Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders when they were finally in front of their rooms "take a shower and relax a little bit"

An hour later when they were all fresh and clean, they gathered in Room C-12. Peter had tried to get James involved in a card game Sirius and him were playing but the boy seemed to still be focused on Lily Evans and how he had 'fucked up big time'.

"James if you say Lily Evans one more time I'm gonna put tape over your mouth, again" Sirius ran a hand over his face.

"No you don't understand Pads, I really had it this time..." James continued in his rant and Remus shut his book annoyed. He liked James but his sulking was preventing him to have a nice reading time.

"Alright, we're trying something else" Remus stood up from his bed and walked over to his jacket thrown over his desk. He searched inside the pockets and got the metallic tint Flynn had given him the day before.

"What's that?" Sirius wondered, stretching his neck to try and see from his bed.

"You told me you wanted to try weed, right?" he opened the tint and show the three boys the rolled spliffs inside. They opened their eyes in surprise.

"Weed as in...Marijuana?" James whispered and Remus chuckled.

"Yeah" he gave each boy a joint and then grabbed one for him "courtesy of Xeno's friend" he glanced at Sirius and snorted.

"I knew he gave you more things than you said"

"This is a one-time thing," he said with the joint between his lips, lighting it and then dragging from it "so make good use of it" he threw Sirius the lighter and he caught it in the air.

"Alright, Lupin, show us your ways" he laughed, lighting his spliff. After the two other boys had lit up theirs, Remus stood before them with a small smirk on his lips. It was funny to see three posh boys with joints in their hands waiting for a 'lesson' in smoking.

"It's similar to smoking a cigarette, you're gonna drag a little bit and then inhale-" before Remus could even finish his sentence James dragged from the joint and started coughing aggressively, letting puffs of thick smoke out of his mouth.

"Bloody-fucking-hell" he complained between coughs. Remus closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Slowly, you have to inhale slowly" Remus dragged from his joint and let part of the smoke infest his lungs as he parted his lips a little bit to get the rest out "see?" Peter tried next, but he couldn't even get to inhale the smoke because he had dragged too much of it and sent himself into a coughing fit immediately.

"Don't drag too much, it's your first time, Pete," Remus turned to Sirius who was looking at him impatiently, and he raised an eyebrow letting the other boy know that it was his turn to try. Sirius dragged from his joint and then let the smoke out of his mouth, coughing a little bit after.

"Better" Remus observed like a professor.

"I felt like I was coughing my entire lungs out" Peter rubbed his chest with a pained look.

"The first hit always hurts, try it again" Remus signed James and Peter with his head. The two dragged and let the smoke -slower this time-, they still cough a little bit, his lungs not used to the smoke, but it was a clear improvement.

"There you are" Remus dragged from his own joint.

"God this tastes like my mum's tea if it had burnt" James made a disgusted face.

"You get used to it" he shrugged and dragged again, letting out a big cloud of smoke "it's a good way to forget about the world for some hours," some ashes were getting into his jumper so he searched around the room for something to act as an ashtray. He found an empty teacup on his desk and put it on Sirius' table so the others could use it too. Led Zeppelin's fourth album was playing on the back as they smoked, Sirius had recently a fixation for the band but Remus couldn't complain, he loved Stairway to Heaven.

There's a lady who's sure, all that glitters is gold and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

"James, can I ask you something?" Remus wondered, finding courage from Flynn's weed. It was good weed.

"Talk," the boy said, sitting on the floor, beside Sirius' bed.

"So, what is it with you and Lily?" the question was more than obvious, but Remus was searching for a story, not a simple answer.

"I thought we were smoking so James wouldn't talk about her anymore!" Sirius groaned from his bed.

"I just wanna know why d'you insist on going after her"

"He's obsessed with her, duh" Sirius snorted and James threw a pillow at him.

"Pads!"

"Careful, my spliff!" Sirius protested.

"I know you fancy her James... it's hard not to notice" Remus raised his eyebrows as he dragged again and then tapped the ash on the empty can. James sighed and smoked a little bit before talking.

"I think I've liked her ever since I know her. I mean, how could you not? She's awesome, she's like the brightest girl I know, and she also cares a lot for everyone...she's like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, she's everything good in this world" James threw his head back, resting it on the bed.

"You got a bit poetic there, mate" Sirius pointed out, tapping ash on the can.

"But it's true! Isn't she like one of the best people you've ever known?" he looked at Remus.

"Yeah, she is" Remus nodded, smiling.

"She also hates your guts" Sirius reminded.

"I don't know why" James threw his hands in the air.

"She said you used to poke fun at her" Remus raised a brow and James frowned.

"What? No..I-No!" James got up from the floor "Is that what she thinks of me? Is that why she hates me?" Remus shrugged now noticing he perhaps had made a mistake in bringing up the subject, James looked truly worried and desperate.

"That's what she told me"

"Dios mio," James stared at an empty spot on the wall "fuck, fuck, fuck, now everything makes so much sense!" he shook his head profusely "I used to tell her jokes about her but it was so she could laugh too, not because I was making fun of her" he explained Remus as if that could fix the problem.

"You should tell her that" Remus shrugged again, dragging from the spliff and already starting to feel his head lighter.

"I don't think after today she wants to talk to me" James fell, defeated, into a corner of Sirius' bed.

"You should try, she's worth the try" Remus stared at him.

"Yeah, she is" James nodded and dragged again.

Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

After they had smoked through their joints the room had become a hot box, filled with thick smoke. They were laughing at every little thing now, especially Peter who couldn't hold back a cackle every two seconds. Remus decided to open the window, letting in a little bit of the cold air of that January night. Sirius changed the record to Led Zeppelin's first album, singing along Good Times Bad Times with slurred words and a wonky tune, but even with that, the boy still sounded great. Remus sat down on the floor beside James and watched Sirius move around the room. He felt his head lighter and everything around a little bit more intense: the scratching of the record, James' breathing beside him, Peter's laugh from Sirius' bed. James was mumbling the lyrics and even sang the guitar parts, but his timing was off and it was bothering Remus a little bit, but his tongue felt heavy so he didn't say anything.

When 'You Shook Me' came on the record player, Remus felt truly gone. The heavy guitar and bass flew slowly around the room, making waves in the air. He felt everything decelerating, going at the same rhythm as the music. Robert Plant's voice moved lethargically inside his brain like a slug getting inside one ear and taking his time to get out of the other.

You know you shook me, baby. You shook me all night long.

He was feeling like a cloud, high in the sky and made of fog. If he was in that state he couldn't imagine how the other three boys were since it was their first time smoking.

Flynn and his great weed, he thought.

"I don't feel my mouth anymore" James mumbled from the floor. He and Sirius had given up minutes ago and threw themselves one beside the other. Remus stayed with his back against Sirius' bed, it was the only thing preventing him from sliding into the ground beside the long-haired boy.

"Yeah, that's normal," Remus explained, resting his head on the bed and looking at the ceiling, eyes lazily open.

"I like this, it feels funny" Sirius giggled "why don't you smoke more, Remus?"

"Don't have weed" the record player was so close to him that he felt the music coming from inside his body. It was numbing his mind, or maybe that was also the weed.

"Maybe if you smoke more you wouldn't be so moody always" Sirius commented and Remus bowed his head, looking at Sirius straight to his face. The boy had his cheeks pink and his blue-gray eyes had a reddish background instead of white.

"I'm not moody always" Remus shook his head.

"Of course, you are moody always" Sirius reached out his hand to pinch one of his cheeks but Remus pushed it away, he let the hand fall beside him and then chuckled once more "you're a moody boy...a moody moody moon-boy"

"Moonboy?" Peter asked lazily from the bed.

"Yeah, Remus talks with the moon" Sirius smiled softly and looked at Remus. If he would be sober he probably would've gotten mad at him for revealing that to the other two, but since they were all that high they would probably just assume it was the talks of a stoned Sirius.

"Moonboy," James laughed.

"We should call you that, moody moonboy" Sirius suggested with an excited grin.

"Absolutely not" Remus shook his head, he would rather die than be called that "I'm not participating in your nicknames"

"Don't be such a moody moonboy, Remus" Sirius pouted.

"Sod off, Padfoot, or shall I remind you that you fainted because of a dog" Remus smirked and Sirius sat up immediately with his mouth open.

"You told him?!" he exclaimed while looking at Peter.

"How d'you know it was me?" Peter protested.

"Well, I'm sure that Prongs wasn't," Sirius signed at the boy laying on the other side.

"No, it wasn't me" he shook his head, glasses crooked over his nose.

"And for your acknowledge I loved Snuffles after it, that dog was like my best mate" Sirius turned to Remus.

"I thought I was your best mate" James raised his head.

"You are" Sirius chuckled.

"But you just said that Snuffles was your best mate" James whined.

"Yes but-"

"A dog can't be your best mate, Pads" Peter reasoned.

"No, James' my best friend" Sirius pointed at the boy on the ground.

"I'm getting confused now" James talked.

"What have I done?" Remus muttered to himself. They alk were going crazy.

"Whatever, now we have to use that nickname" he looked at Remus, squinting his eyes and with a serious face, but a small laugh escaped from his lips seconds later.

"I'm not letting you call me 'moody moonboy'" Remus stated.

"Moody moonboy, moody moonboy" Sirius repeated like a child.

If sober Sirius was annoying, Remus thought that stoned Sirius was a thousand times worse.

"Moody moody moonyboy" Sirius gasped suddenly and opened his eyes as wide as he could "Wait! I like that one"

"Moonyboy?" James questioned, doubtfully.

"No, Moony!" Sirius smiled and snapped his head at Remus "That should be your nickname"

"Moony?" he repeated, it was a weird nickname, that was for sure. But well, neither of their other nicknames were normal, anyways.

"Is that or moody moonboy, your call" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Let's stay with Moony" Remus resigned, he didn't have the energy to argue, his brain felt like mush.

"Glad you picked that, Moony" Sirius grinned widely and Remus rolled his eyes, letting his head fall back on the bed again. Dazed and Confused started playing on the record player, the first notes melting with the last notes of the previous song. The heavy bass itched his brain.

"Moony" Remus repeated in a mumble.

He wouldn't admit it to them, but he was happy that Sirius had come up with a name. It made him believe he was part of the group. And maybe he didn't or maybe he did, but those three boys had made him feel like he finally belong somewhere.

Dazed and confused for so long it's not true. Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.

"So The Marauders are officially complete now" James dragged his words around his tongue. Sirius hummed, before adding:

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,"

Chapter Text

But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness
L ike a heartbeat, drives you mad
I n the stillness of remembering what you had
A nd what you lost

- Dreams, Fleetwood Mac (1977)

January 28th, 1996

"God, how much longer 'til we get there?" Marlene asked with a groan. That Sunday afternoon they were walking through the woods trying to find the river to make Olivia's grave.

"Until we see the river, none of us have been there," James said at the front of the group "There's the Shrieking Shack, so we must be near" he pointed in front of them. The old chapel loomed between some trees, as scary and dark in the daylight as it was in the nighttime.

"Oh, it's scarier in person than I thought," Mary said, watching the church as they strolled past it.

"I think it's cool" Marlene grinned.

"Of course, you'd think that Marls" Lily commented, eyeing the church warily.

"Don't tell me you're scared, Evans" James teased with a smirk.

"Don't start, Potter, you and Black are still on thin ice" she warned, pointing at the two with her index, just like a teacher would.

"What?! But we apologize to Mary yesterday and she said it was fine!" he protested.

"I forgave you two because it was funny to see Daryl break down like that, but you still did what I told you not to do" Mary raised an eyebrow, she was a lot happier now than she had been that last Wednesday.

"And we will forever repent, love" Sirius turned his head back at her, placing a hand on his chest.

"I'm so bored" Marlene exclaimed at the back of the group.

"Oh, let's play 20 questions!" Mary suggested with a smile, "I'll think about someone and you ask 'yes or no' questions and try to guess who it is"

"Fine, I'll start!" James responded excitedly "Is it a girl?"

"No"

"Is it a boy?" Sirius asked, moving a tree branch from the way.

"Yes!" Mary grinned. The branch bounced back and almost hit Remus in the face. He grabbed it before it could hit Lily and Mary, and sent a death stare at the boy.

"Is he irresponsible?" he asked with gritted teeth, Sirius turned at him with a guilty smile.

"Mmh, sometimes he can be a little irresponsible, yeah" Mary nodded, passing under the branch Remus was holding.

"Thanks, Remus," Lily said when she walked by.

"Does he study at Hogwarts?" Peter asked while he and Marlene moved past Remus.

"Yes," Mary answered and Remus lowered the branch, walking behind the two blonds.

"Is he a Gryffindor?" Peter asked now.

"Yes"

"Is he in this group?" Marlene wondered.

"Yes!"

"Does Lily like him?" Sirius asked in a suggestive tone.

"Yes," Mary giggled.

"Then, is not James" Sirius chuckled and James shoved him.

"Fuck off!" they all laughed.

"It's not a lie! Evans?" Sirius turned to the redhead.

"I'm not getting involved in that" she raised her hands and shook her head.

"Is he smart?" Marlene asked now.

"Yeah, very" Mary nodded.

"Then, is not Sirius" James commented, and Sirius hit him in the head with the flower bouquet he had in his hand.

"Tosser" the long-haired boy laughed and the two started hitting and shoving each other.

"Boys" Lily muttered with a tired sigh before turning to Mary "Is it Remus?" she guessed and Mary's face lit up completely.

"Yes! It is Remus!" she clapped her hands and Remus smirked.

"My turn" James announced fixing the glasses that had crooked in the little fight he'd had with Sirius "I already thought of one person" he grinned widely, the dimples beside his cheeks showing up.

"Is it Lily?" Sirius guessed immediately.

"Pads!" James scolded in a low voice, but they all heard it.

"Is it?!" Sirius cackled.

"How did you get it?" James exclaimed and they laughed.

"I'm your best friend" Sirius reasoned with a scoff.

"That, and that boys are too obvious" Mary shrugged with a smug smile.

"No, we aren't" Sirius frowned looking at the girl.

"Yes, you are, we all notice when you want us. It's quite obvious when you want to snog a girl...or fancy her" she looked at James pointedly, he opened and closed his mouth trying to say something.

"Ok, let's finish the conversation of who wants to snog who, and who fancies who, alright?" Lily commanded gravely. Remus chucked a little bit, the girl had become scarlet at the mention of James liking her, and she was probably unaware that her cheeks were the same color as her hair.

"Yes, con amigos así para qué enemigos" James huffed and pressed his lips together.

"Ok, Moony, your turn" Sirius signed at him with his head. He had yet to get used to the 'Moony thing', but the other three boys insisted on using it every time they talked to him so it was growing on him a little.

"Moony?" the girls repeated at the same time, staring at them with both confusion and surprise.

"Our nickname for Remus," James said, glancing back at him with a smile.

"I've come up with it" Sirius grinned proudly.

"Oh, no, they have dragged you to their cult!" Marlene exclaimed, putting her hands on her head.

"The Marauders are not a cult" James protested.

"You have a name for the group?" Mary snorted.

"Sounds cult-ish to me" Marlene shrugged.

"We're not a cult!" James exclaimed.

"What is it for? Moony" Lily asked, the nickname rolling on her tongue like a foreign word.

"Oh..." Sirius looked both sides before getting closer to the redhead "Moony's a werewolf, so y'know...the moon" he whispered and she frowned.

"Very funny, Pads" Remus added with irony "is not that"

"Course is not that" Lily rolled her eyes "but what is it, really?"

"If you are curious, I can tell you over dinner sometime" James offered with a smile and a wink. Lily stared at him with a blank expression.

"Yeah...I think I choose ignorance" she crossed her arms and Sirius cackled behind James.

"Oh, is that water?" Peter muttered beside Remus. He frowned, trying to drown the voices of his friends, but it was impossible from Sirius and James' babbling.

"Hey, shut it" Remus ordered and they all went silent.

"Ok, moody Moony" Sirius scoffed. Marlene shushed him and they all stayed frozen in their spot, trying to hear their surroundings. At the distance, a subtle hiss of water could be heard.

"The river! We must be close" James shrieked and hurried to the front. They quickened their pace, following James through the trees and bushes. They arrived a minute later at the river, the current traveled slowly between big rocks and smaller pieces of land; the shore was covered in tall naked trees thanks to the Winter and everything was covered in green moss, giving the place more humidity than the rest of the forest.

"Oh, it's...really pretty" Mary breathed.

"So here's where she died" Sirius muttered.

"It's tragic" Lily whispered, her eyes fixed on the moving water.

"Should we do it in this tree?" James suggested, pointing at a big Ash tree far from the edge of the river.

"Alright" Lily nodded and they all walked to where James was.

"Ok, lads, help me dig," James asked them and the four boys kneeled around the spot and started digging. The dirt was moist and soft so in a matter of a couple of minutes they managed to dig a deep 'grave' for the book. Remus brushed the dirt off his trousers and took out the poetry book from inside his Winter jacket. He stared at it for some seconds before throwing it inside the hole.

With all due respect to Olivia Robinson, he didn't want to see that bloody book again.

"Should we say some words?" Peter wondered, eyeing Lily.

"Yes" she nodded and stepped forward "Olivia, we may not know you, but I just hope that, wherever you are, you've found the peace that you deserve" the redhead grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it over the book. Mary smiled warmly at her and hugged her from the side, putting her head on her shoulder.

"Olivia," Sirius cleared his throat "I'm sorry you had to suffer, and I'm sorry that I told your story wrong. I'll make sure everyone tells it right from now on" the boy sighed and threw dirt over the book too.

Remus glanced at his friends around the little grave and suddenly was transported 10 years in time.

He couldn't remember the date, he couldn't remember how long he had been in the hospital after the accident, he could just remember that after all of it he was told to put on a suit, like those his father used to wear for formal events. It reminded him too much of his dad he wanted to rip it to shreds. His skin was covered in bandages, still recovering from the large cuts he had gotten in the accident. But still, with his head dizzy with pills and his body aching all over, he went to his parent's funeral.

He couldn't remember everything from the service. He was too high on medicine, and his brain was numb with pain and sadness to even try and capture anything. He saw people who he didn't know talk for what felt like days. He couldn't remember a single thing from their eulogies, he couldn't remember if there were eulogies at all. It was all the same if they had stood in silence for hours than if they had given the most emotional speeches of their life.

In front of Remus, there were two varnished caskets above open graves in the ground. Every time he saw them it was like fire in his eyes; his heart missed a beat and his stomach twisted dangerously inside of him, threatening to spill everything on the nice black shoes he had on. He had spent the entire ceremony avoiding eye contact with them. He'd closed his eyes and wished that he could be there with his parents, that he could jump into his mother's grave and be beside her forever. He didn't want the world if it meant that he had to be without them.

Remus had sat down in the first row beside his old maternal grandmother. There weren't any more family members that he could recognize there, he had never met his fraternal grandparents and he knew his other grandad had passed away before Remus was even born. He had turned to his grandma once throughout the service, looking for some comfort, but she was too old and filled with grief to even form any words, she had been like that ever since Remus remember her. He had had the crazy thought of believing that somehow, someone, an unknown family member or his paternal grandparents would appear and take him somewhere where he could be, that he wouldn't need the help of that young lady at the hospital who told him she would get him a new home. But that wasn't the truth. He realized then that he had no one left, that he was all alone.

Somebody called his name at one point. It felt like an echo, something from another world, but then an unknown woman shook him by the shoulders and Remus broke away from his thoughts. They told him he had the task to put dirt first on the caskets as if that was something to be glad about. He didn't move for minutes until that same woman pushed him softly to where the graves were.

The caskets had already been lowered, Remus didn't know when, he just stood before the two holes in the ground, staring at his parents, meters below him. He felt like he was standing at the edge of an abyss, a gap had formed in his stomach, and his body threatened to fall forward to the bottom of either grave. A man gave him a shovel and signed him to a pile of dirt on the floor.

He had dragged his little feet to it and, with the help of the same man, grabbed a handful of dirt. He then directed Remus to his father's grave. 'Lyall John Lupin, October 21, 1953- December 28th, 1985'. The man directed his hand to release a small amount of dirt on the grave. It hit the casket with a thud that made Remus jump slightly and sent shivers all around his body. Then he walked to his mother's grave beside him. 'Hope Lupin, July 5th, 1956-December 28th, 1985'. His eyes started blurring to the point he couldn't see the letters anymore. He hadn't cried all morning, he couldn't even do that, but seeing his mom's name in a piece of marble, knowing that he wouldn't see her again made all the feelings flood out of his eyes. He let the dirt go inside the grave, and with another loud thud his heart finished breaking.

When the ceremony finished, rows and rows of pity smiles and 'condolences' came at him. He wanted to go, he wanted to disappear. Strangely, Mrs.Hernandez had appeared among the crowd and told him they had a trip to make. To a better place far away from Wales.

"Remus?" Lily called him, snapping him out into reality again. He looked up and saw Sirius staring at him with his piercing gray eyes as if he knew exactly what he had been thinking.

"Yeah?"

"It's your turn to say something," Marlene told him and he looked back to the small grave, it was filled with more dirt now.

"Uhm..." he walked to the grave, his hands on the pockets of his jacket and a heavy feeling on his chest. He couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was blank, except for the memories of his dead parents. Suddenly he remembered something from that same book that now lay on the ground.

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all" he muttered and everyone turned at him confused "Emily Dickinson wrote that..." he glanced at his friends before leaning down and tossing dirt into the grave, this time with more energy than he'd had a decade ago.

James and Sirius finished covering the ditch, and Peter put a wooden headstone he had made the day before. It was really beautiful, it had several flowers painted on it, and Olivia's name was right in the middle with pretty calligraphy. Lily let down the messy flower bouquet on the ground and they all stepped back to watch the little burial site they had done for the girl.

"It's nice" Mary commented after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah, I hope nobody ruins it" Lily nodded, and with that, they walked away from the river into the woods again. Remus' mind was too busy with his parents that he didn't notice when Mary and Marlene walked to his side.

"Remus, we have to tell you something" Marlene began in a whisper, Remus shook his head a little, trying to shake off the feeling of dread and grief inside his brain and try to focus his attention on his friends instead.

"You know that Lily's birthday is next Tuesday, right?" Mary asked him and his mind went white for a split second.

He didn't know that. He didn't remember if Lily had ever told him her birthday, but if she did, Remus had completely forgotten about it. He felt embarrassed, he didn't even know his best friend's birthday.

What a good friend, you are.

"Yeah, yeah, right" he muttered, playing along as if he clearly already knew that Lily's birthday was on Tuesday.

"We're planning on doing something small in our room, like a mini surprise, so it'll be nice if you could come" Mary explained with a huge grin.

"Of course, I'll be there" he smiled. He wouldn't miss it for anything, but now he had a problem. What was he going to give her? He didn't have any money and surely he couldn't steal anything for her.

"Oh, and don't tell Potter and the others, she doesn't like big parties and...y'know...she says she doesn't like them," they looked at the front and saw Lily and James talking, the girl had a small smile on her lips while the boy was rambling about something.

Lily could swear to them that she didn't like the other three boys -Remus wouldn't blame her for Sirius, that was understandable- but he could tell that, even if she tried hard to put on a mask, she felt a certain way about James Potter. It could've been romantic, could've been platonic, but something was different than what it had been months before.

"Sure" he chuckled.

"Hey, d'you lot want to play some Football when we get to Godric?" James suggested, excitedly.

"Don't know how to play" Mary shook her head.

"Me neither" Lily added.

"Well I can teach you two and Remus, and we can make teams!" he proposed.

"Sorry, not really a fan of playing sports, I'm too cool for that" Mary chuckled.

"We can still do something else, what about we listen to some music and drink something?" Sirius suggested with a smile.

"It's Sunday" Lily pointed out, frowning at the boy.

"And I'm sorry, but I think the only one who likes your punk music here is Marlene" Mary laughed and Sirius opened his mouth offended.

"I beg your pardon? Moony loves my music, isn't that right, Moony?" Sirius turned to him and Remus raised his eyebrows.

"I wouldn't say love-"

"And what d'you have against punk music, anyways?" Sirius interrupted him.

"Nothing, I just prefer my music" she stared at Sirius with a confident smile.

"Alright, I can respect that" the boy reasoned.

"We could play some card games," Peter said at the front.

"So you can win us all? Nice try, Pete" James snorted.

They arrived at the limit between the woods and Godric's campus, they made sure nobody was near before hopping the fence. They were in their discussion of what to do now and had barely gotten past Slytherin Hall when somebody shouted Lily's name behind their back. They turned their heads almost at the same time and saw Severus Snape walking out of Snake Building and toward them.

"Why is Snivellus walking to us?" Sirius questioned, repulsed.

"Lily," the Slytherin boy said, standing a few steps away from them. He was looking at all of them with shifty careful eyes; there was something deeply unsettling about that boy.

"What do you want Snape?" James spoke before Lily could even open her mouth.

"I'm not talking to you, Potter" Snape spat, eyeing James "Lily, you said we'll study together today" he turned to the redhead now, eyebrows pulled together.

"Sorry, but she's hanging with us, Snivellus," James waved away at Snape with a cheeky smile.

"Don't call him that" Lily scolded, frowning at the boy "I forgot, I'm sorry, I'll go with you" she turned to Snape and James' smile dropped.

"What-?"

"I'll just have to get some things from my room" the girl informed Snape before starting to walk away.

"What about our plans?" James questioned, following Lily.

"Do you really think she would hang with you, Potter? Please" Snape asked with scorn.

"Sev!" Lily scolded, stopping and opening her eyes wide at the other boy. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, stepping further away. The girl pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed deeply.

"I had already promised Sev I would study with him before going out with you, alright?" she said to James and he opened his mouth, trying to protest but Lily was quicker to talk "would you come with me?" she turned to Mary and Marlene.

"Course," Marlene said, before sending an uncomfortable glance to Snape.

"Bye," Marlene and Mary said sorrily, before following Snape and Lily to Gryffindor Hall.

"I can't believe she chose to hang out with him instead with us!" James exclaimed as they walked slowly down Godric's campus.

"Don't worry Prongs, look at the bright side, we can play Football now" Sirius patted his shoulder, trying to cheer him up.

Sadly for James, the Football field was plagued with Slytherins training for their match with Hufflepuff that Wednesday so they had to go to the gardens to play. James and Sirius grabbed a ball and started kicking it at each other across the brown grass. Remus decided to sit down under a tree, not wanting to get into Football that day -or ever-. Peter had been kind enough to make his company, even though Remus could tell the boy wanted to also play with the two others. He kept insisting he was fine with being alone, but the shorter boy kept insisting to be beside him until Remus threatened to prank him in his sleep and the boy finally got up and ran toward Sirius and James. Remus was comfortable just watching them from afar, while his mind drifted away to bittersweet memories.

They spent the rest of the evening there, laughing and playing. Later at night, when James and Peter had already gone to their rooms -Frank's command-. Remus sat silently on the ledge of the window, he had just lit up a cigarette and was staring outside to the moon. Sirius instead was dancing and singing around the room.

"And if he doesn't get what he wants then he gets a headache. 'Cause he needs it, wants it, almost, loves it" he yelled jumping from his bed "he's here on his own, on globe alone, here on his own" he then went to play an air guitar and spun around. Remus glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, he couldn't understand how the boy had that much energy at 11 pm. He shook his head with a huffed laugh and turned to the night sky again.

The moon was in its first quarter phase and the stars could be seen away. He could almost make out Orion's constellation, and, of course, Sirius can be seen shining brightly near it.

"Alright," the real-life Sirius said suddenly, stopping the record "what's wrong, Moony? You've been too quiet, you haven't even cursed at me for singing Blur too loud," the boys walked to the window, standing in front of him with his hands on his hips, "and I saw you when we were doing the whole 'burial thing' " Remus turned at him.

It was incredible and at the same time scary how Sirius seemed to notice certain things that Remus thought nobody else would. He cursed him internally for that and sighed deeply before dragging from his cigarette.

"It's just...it reminded me of my parents' funeral" he shrugged letting the smoke come out slowly from his mouth. They stayed in silence for some long seconds, Sirius probably waiting for him to say more but Remus had nothing else to say. He knew he was being vague and he could choose to spill all of his feelings in front of the other boy, but he rather not. 

Sirius stretched his hand, asking for the cigarette and Remus gave it to him, without putting any fight. The long-haired boy dragged from it and then expulsed the smoke into the sea of stars above them.

"Funerals are the worst" Sirius nodded, shaking the ash out the window and giving the cigarette back to him. Remus frowned slightly and dragged from the fag.

"You've been to one?"

"Yeah, too many to count now" Sirius scoffed "most of which I didn't care about" he shrugged "the Black family is old and every year there's some old third cousin or a far aunt dying...I couldn't care less about them" he took the cigarette again and dragged from it before continuing "there's only one that I truly felt sad for" he stared outside, his grey eyes lost in the night.

"Who's?" Remus wondered, glad that he wasn't the one talking.

"My uncle Alphard" Sirius' lips quirked up in a smirk that was both happy and sad.

"He was the best to ever live in The House of Black" he dragged again and gave back the cigarette "he was the one that taught me how to play the guitar, and he also introduced me to Rock" he turned back at his desk "that's his record player right there and his collection" he signed with his head and then turned to Remus with a wide smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he left me everything, he didn't have any children or a partner so he wrote me instead in the will. " Sirius mentioned casually "of course, I can't reclaim it all until I'm of age, but for now I have his records"

"That sounds great" Remus gave him a half smile, before smoking from the fag.

It was probably nice to have something left. Remus didn't have anything from his parents, or at least nothing was given to him; but he would've liked to have something, anything, even just a small object or a photo. Something to keep them closer to him.

"Of course, mother didn't like that" Sirius rolled his eyes "he hated uncle Alphard, she said he was a bad influence, that he was a lowlife and a deviant...she didn't allow us to meet often, only 'cause he didn't follow their ridiculous rules and wasn't a piece of shit like them" his eyebrows were now knitted together "he was the one to made me realize that what they said wasn't good and that maybe I could escape my destiny of becoming their heir and be something for myself" he looked outside, jaw clenched and the muscles of his neck tensed up.

It clearly upset him more than he was allowing himself to show.

"When he died they all were... relieved" Sirius face twisted with disgust and hurt "they were scared that he would stain the Black name, that he would damage the family's reputation. His death was like a weight lifting off their shoulders" he threw his hands up and closed his eyes for a second.

"And y'know what mother did when she got the news?" Sirius turned to him again, grey eyes flaming with desperation and anger "she laughed, she fucking laughed" he chuckled bitterly "his brother died and the woman chose to laugh about it. She was glad he was dead, she didn't love him, she doesn't love anyone anyways" he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Remus passed him the cigarette again and let him have another drag, before smoking from it himself.

He didn't know what to reply to that. For one part he was in absolute horror about what he had said about his mother. And it was clear the woman was a monster, if she could laugh about his dead brother and let her husband do what he did to Sirius, he couldn't even begin to think what she would be capable of.

For the other part, he noticed that Sirius was hurting for his uncle. He knew that feeling well and that whatever he said he couldn't make the situation that much better.

"How did he die?" he asked because it was the only thing he thought of asking. He couldn't tell him that everything would be ok, that his uncle was watching him from whatever heaven or afterlife he choose to believe in; he had heard it all before and nothing of it worked.

It was all just a big pile of shit.

"Drug overdose" he muttered and pressed his lips together. Remus raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry" he apologized. He realized that maybe he shouldn't have asked anything, he should've just stayed quiet.

"He wasn't an addict," he said angrily as if was trying to convince himself of it also "he was really smart and cared about others" Sirius stared at the distance, lost in the stars "he just lived a faster life than his body could keep with" Remus nodded and dragged from the fag before giving it to Sirius.

They fell into a silence, it wasn't uncomfortable or overwhelming, it was just silence. Both in their worlds, deep into their minds, it just happened they were sharing the same space as they were sharing the same cigarette.

January 30th, 1996

That Tuesday began as a normal day, cold seeping through his uniform as he walk to the school, and the usual morning chatter from Sirius and James. Remus entered the Dining Hall and spotted the redhead in the line with Mary and Marlene. He walked toward the girl and tapped her shoulder, making her turn around.

"Happy Birthday, Lils!" he smiled, fiddling with his hand. He wasn't much of a physical affection person and he didn't know if he should hug Lily. He stood awkwardly for a couple of seconds trying to figure it out but, thankfully, Lily took the initiative and hugged him from the side, beaming widely.

"Thanks, Remus"

"Happy Birthday, Evans" James smiled, scratching the back of his neck with some nervousness.

"Oh, thanks, James" she smiled. The boy opened his arms to hug her but she stepped away at the same time. Their faces flushed with realization and embarrassment as James lowered his arms again and Lily stepped forward to receive the hug. They were left in an uncomfortable silence then, neither of the two resolving if they should hug each other or not.

"Happy Birthday, Evans" Sirius broke the awkward silence.

"Happy Birthday, Lily" Peter added.

"Thanks Sirius, thanks Pete" the girl turned to the other two boys with her cheeks a little red.

"So, big party at Scarlet tonight or what?" Sirius questioned, smirking at the girls.

"Nothing of that sort, no, just a quiet night" Lily announced and Remus glanced at Mary and Marlene with a knowing smile. The girl had no idea what would happen.

"C'mon Evans, where's your party bones?" James poked her arm with a more confident smile than before.

"Yeah, don't be such a grandma, we already had enough of that with Moony here" Sirius joked and Remus shoved him slightly.

"I'm not, but it's Tuesday and we have an English test tomorrow" she pointed out.

"Well, then, we should do something on Friday to celebrate" James suggested and Lily pressed her lips together in a smile.

"Sure, I'll think about it" she assured before walking forward to grab a tray and a plate. Remus was about to walk to the end of the line when he was pulled by his arm by James. He and Sirius had cut between a group of Year 10s girls who looked rather pleased to be in the presence of the two.

"Hey, what about we make a surprise party for Lily tonight?" James proposed with a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah, I can get the booze and I bet I can get the girls to let us do it at their Common Room" Sirius snapped his fingers, turning to his best friend.

"Yeah, I like that, Pads!" James said excitedly and Remus felt a small wave of panic enter his body.

"Oh, I don't think it's a good idea" he intervened.

"Why?" the two guys frowned at him. Remus tried to think quickly of a response. If he told them the truth they would probably want to crash 'the party' and Marlene had specifically told him not to do that.

"Dunno, she said she didn't want to do anything" he shrugged, putting his hand on his jacket "and the last time you didn't listen to one of them you two were left in a bad spot" he recalled just a couple of days before.

"Yeah, but this is different" Sirius rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Yeah! It's her birthday, she'll love it!" James insisted and Remus sighed, resigning from fighting with the two.

The day went by boringly slowly. While the teachers spoke and taught their lessons, Remus was wrecking his brain train to figure out what to give to the girl. He couldn't show up empty-handed that night, that was for sure.

When they were finally out for that day. Remus searched around his room for a gift, something that wasn't as beat up and old as most of his things were. He'd even thought of giving her his watch, but he didn't think it will fit her right, it was already a little big on Remus. When he got to his desk he spotted something that lit a lightbulb in his mind. His copy of The Metamorphosis looked a lot better than his old and wrinkled copy of Poe's tales. He didn't know if Lily had already read it, but it was the only thing of some value he had.

He glanced at the clock on Sirius' desk and saw the numbers in red font. 6:30. He still had half an hour to change his uniform to comfier clothes and get to Scarlet at the time Marlene had told him that day.

He placed the book on the desk and took his uniform off, tossing it at a pile of dirty clothing on the floor beside his bed. He had to do laundry soon. He was buttoning his jeans when he heard footsteps outside in the corridor and the familiar tone of Sirius' voice getting closer and closer. He quickly fetched a sweater and put it over, just in time before the other boy opened the door and entered with James and Peter behind.

It wasn't like he was ashamed of his body, but he preferred that they didn't see the awful scars that covered most of his torso.

"Hey Moony" Sirius sang, jumping over to his bed. Remus noticed the boy carrying a big bottle of whiskey in his hand. He raised an eyebrow and signed with his chin at it.

"What's that for?"

"Well... I know that you told us not to but..." Remus closed his eyes, already knowing where it was going.

"You planned a party for Lily?!" he asked immediately.

"Not yet, we don't have all the details, but we kinda thought we figure it out on the way" James shrugged with a guilty smile.

"I did say that we talked with Marlene and Mary" Peter pointed out, sitting beside Sirius.

"Alright" Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and close his eyes for a second. He now knew how McGonagall must feel every day that she had to deal with them "you're not doing that" he shook his head.

"Why not?" Sirius pouted "Don't be a party pooper Moony"

"Yeah, don't be like that, Moony" James pouted too. The two boys would probably drive crazy a saint.

"Look," he sighed tiredly, he might regret the decision he was about to make, but it was his last resort before going physical on them "the girls are planning sum' for Lily, alright? But they said they didn't want neither of you there" he pointed at them cautiously. James and Sirius shared a look before turning at Remus with wicked smiles.

"So they are doing something," James said excitedly.

"Let's go then" Sirius patted James' arm and Remus scowled at them.

"Hey! Didn't you hear what I said? Marlene said they don't want you tossers around" he snapped at them.

"Well, Marlene said that, but it's not her birthday, innit?" Sirius smiled, raising his eyebrows.

Remus pulled on his hair, he wasn't supposed to be the voice of reason between them, but James wanted to do something for Lily and Sirius would help James to even bury a body.

"So, are we going?" James questioned, looking back at Sirius as if the answer wasn't already clear by the other boy's cheeky expression.

"Course we're going"

Remus cursed internally as he watched the two boys bolt out of the room.

"Why do we let them do whatever they want?" he asked Peter as he grabbed his gift for Lily.

"I just gave up, it's no use fighting with them" Peter shrugged and walked out with him. Remus knew pretty well, Sirius was as stubborn as a person could be. When he set his mind on doing something there was nothing that could stop him from doing it.

They arrived at Scarlet and made their way to Marlene's and Lily's room. The head girl wasn't too fond of the four boys storming their peaceful evening but just a quick smile from James and a wink from Sirius made her more flexible to let them pass to the second floor. Remus knocked on the door, sending an angry glance at the boys standing in the hallway. He knew he was about to be in big trouble thanks to them.

"Hey, Remus!" Marlene opened the room with a big smile that disappeared as soon as James peeked his head out.

"Hi, Marls!" the boy waved with excitement that matched neither Remus nor Marlene's.

"What are they doing here?" she frowned.

"Surprise?" Remus smiled guiltily, knowing it was mostly his fault.

"We brought presents" Sirius extended his arm, showing her the bottle of booze and almost hitting James' head in the way.

"Remus" Marlene protested looking at the boy with wide eyes.

"I know, Marls, I'm sorry" he closed his eyes for a second.

"Alright, just get in before Lily sees you" she rolled her eyes and opened the door completely so the four could enter the dorm.

Remus noticed a small birthday cake in Lily's desk and two presents wrapped in colorful shiny paper on her bed. It made him embarrassed for his bare, almost wrecking-apart, book.

"I told you not to bring them" Marlene whispered, pulling him apart from the three boys who were too busy checking every corner of the room as if it was unknown territory.

"I know, and I didn't mean to, but they were trying to throw her a party, a big one" he explained to her in an equally low voice "I had to say something" Marlene sighed.

"Alright, alright, s'okay" she waved dismissively.

"Are we staying here?" Sirius wondered, staring at the band posters on Marlene's side.

"Yeah, why?" she crossed her arms.

"7 people won't fit in this room" Sirius snorted, turning to her.

"Well, you three weren't exactly on the attendants list" she commented with sarcasm, making Remus laugh a little "and also, Mary is bringing Lily here, that's the plan"

"Ok, no, no, no," Sirius shook his head profusely "we're doing this the 'Sirius way' "

"The bad way?" Remus questioned.

"The cool way" Sirius winked at him and Remus chose to not ask what that meant.

Just by a quick walk to Lion and a talk with the girls in the Scarlet Common Room, Sirius and James had managed to find some folding chairs and a nice spot for them between the two buildings. Sirius grabbed Marlene's small CD player and brought it outside with a couple of CDs but not without the blond's supervision first.

"No, not those" she had shaken her head "Lily doesn't like that, take these" she'd handed Sirius CDs from ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, and Stevie Nicks, which had made Sirius grimace.

"But The Rolling Stones are much better" he'd protested.

"Well, it's her birthday, we'll play the Stones on your birthday" she'd fought back, pushing another set of CDs into Sirius' hands.

James and Peter built a small bonfire in the middle of the seven chairs. Making sure everything -especially the bottle of whiskey- was at safe distance from the fire. Marlene went to her room, waiting for Mary and Lily to get them to the new spot while James walked around the place fixing everything as he went along and making sure every single detail was perfect for the girl.

"D'you think she'd like it?" James asked Remus, impatient.

"I'm sure she'd love it, Prongs" he smiled at him. Remus was 100% certain that the girl would like the place, what was soon to be seen is what she would think about the three party crashers standing beside Remus.

Mary appeared on the corner a minute later, her eyes expanding and a smile setting on her lips as she observed what they had done. Marlene came just behind her, dragging Lily by the hand, laughs from both girls could be heard before the redhead saw everything.

"Surprise!" the others screamed. She widened her eyes, flickering them among the four boys and the scene they had behind them. Remus had thought for a split second that the girl had disliked it and it had been an utter mistake to do all of that. But then, her lips quirked up and a huge grin appeared on her face.

"Oh my god" she breathed out, and then wrapped her two girlfriends in a hug "you two! This is incredible!" they laughed.

"Thank them too, they were the ones that found us the place" Marlene signed at them with a smirk and Lily looked at them shocked.

"Really?" she questioned, her eyes scanning the four as if she couldn't believe it.

"Well, Marlene and Mary were the ones with the idea, they invited Remus" James pointed at him "and we kinda crashed, sorry about that..." the boy smiled guiltily, putting his hands behind his back.

"But hey, we got you a better place" Sirius added with his usual relaxed smirk. She glanced behind his shoulder and beamed.

"Yeah, these three weren't in our plans, but I guess they redeemed themselves" Marlene added, walking with Mary toward them.

"Thanks," she said softly "to all of you, I love this" a silence grew between them which Sirius was quick to fill in.

"Well, let's get rolling with it" he signed with his finger and walked to the chairs.

Marlene put on the first CD, Rumours by Fleetwood Mac. The small stereo wasn't the best or loudest ever, but it was loud enough for them to hear it well. Sirius opened the bottle of whiskey sipping first from it and gaining a horrified face from Lily and a reminder that tomorrow they had -in fact- classes.

Marlene gave Lily her gift, which was a signed poster from Stevie Nicks. Lily shrieked and hugged the blond tightly.

"I was tempted to give it to you on Christmas, but I guessed it was a better Birthday gift" she shrugged with a smile.

"This is amazing, Marls! Thank you" Lily had a huge grin on her face that Remus thought wouldn't be erased by anything in the world that night.

Mary's gift was next, it was big and when Lily opened it her jaw hit the floor. Inside there were a pair of red boots with those types of chunky platforms that made Remus wonder how girls were even walking with them.

"You did not!" Lily exclaimed.

"Of course I did" Mary shrugged with a smug smile, playing down the situation.

"Mary, these are way too expensive" Lily shook her head, refusing to accept the gift.

"Yeah, only the best for my favourite redhead" Mary smiled, pinching one of Lily's cheeks. The girl fixed her green orbs on the maroon boots again, and stared at them for some seconds, trying to process that they were actually hers.

"I loved it so much," she stood up from the chair and hugged Mary "thank you both, you two are the best" she pulled Marlene into another 'girlfriends' hug.

Remus stared at the two gifts beside Lily's chair and started to feel ashamed of what was inside his jacket. The book was barely holding itself together, and it had more of his annotations than actual words imprinted. There was no way on Earth that it could compete against a pair of expensive leather boots and a poster signed by Stevie fucking Nicks. It was like a punch in the face, one that made him realize where he stood between them, something that he continuously forgot.

He decided he wouldn't give her the 'gift' he had planned, at least not in front of the others. It would be too embarrassing for him, even if he worked his entire life he wouldn't be able to get things as the girls got for Lily.

James stood up and disappeared for a moment as Dreams was finishing. Sirius had gotten into a full-blown speech about the ethics and benefits of drinking midweek -there were none, the boy was just making things up as he went-, but it was entertaining the girls so Remus didn't think Sirius would care about the amount of rubbish that was coming out of his mouth as long as he was the center of attention.

James came in minutes later, short of breath and looking as if he had been running. He stood before Lily and extended a mechanical pencil to her. The girl frowned and stared at the pencil with confusion.

"What?"

"You gave me this pencil three years ago in Math class with Flitwick, that day I didn't bring a pencil and you handed me this" James moved the pencil.

"Right... I remember, I gave it to you so you would stop talking and work" her face lit up slightly with the memory.

"Yeah, you told me to give it back at the end of the class, but I didn't" he pressed his lips together, ashamed.

"Of course you didn't, I didn't expect you to, either" she snorted and crossed her arms over her chest, looking up at the boy with the glasses.

"Well, I meant to return it, but I figured it would be a good reason to talk to you later" he shrugged and the smirk on Lily's face fell.

"And why didn't you return it then?" she asked, her cheeks looked a little bit flushed, or it might have been the heat from the fire.

"Well, every time I tried you wouldn't let me even finish talking" James snorted and Lily pressed her lips together, restraining a smile.

"You weren't the best at approaching either" she raised an eyebrow.

"I know that now" James glanced at Remus for a split second and he gave him a quick smirk.

"So wait, you've been keeping her pencil like a souvenir all this time?" Marlene questioned, looking doubtfully at him.

"I mean, I wasn't going to throw it away, it's Lily's" he reasoned "and I said I would return it -promised it actually-" he turned again to Lily and the redhead nodded, confirming "so here it is" he handed the pencil to the girl "I know it's not a real birthday gift but for now...happy birthday, Evans" he smiled and she stared at the pencil before her face. She chuckled before grabbing it and then looked up at James.

"Thanks, Potter" she smiled.

"I don't even use mechanical, graphite it's better" he shrugged, a cheeky smile replacing the soft one he had before.

"That's because you act like a 5 years old, mechanical is better, end of discussion" Lily argued, putting the pencil among the gifts she had. James cackled and raised his hands, not saying anything else, and returned to his seat beside Sirius.

Remus looked as they all laughed at the story of Lily's pencil. It might've been a silly gift from James, something that perhaps was more for the story and symbolism behind it than for the gift itself. But Remus wanted to scream. He didn't know Lily enough to have a 'secret' story with her, and he couldn't get the privilege of giving her just a forgotten piece of stationary like James did.

James had given her that pencil because it had been his choice because it would be funny or maybe spark old memories between the two; it had been a deliberate decision, but he surely could've gotten her something else, something better. If Remus gave Lily a simple pencil it was because he didn't have anything else to give. Because he didn't have enough money to put together a good gift for his best friend. The only thing he could offer was that beat-up book inside his jacket. Another punch in the face.

And Remus wasn't jealous of them. He knew Mary, Marlene, James, Peter, and Sirius were born in different environments than him. He was just simply frustrated. He wished his life would be just a little bit easier than it was.

They continued talking as Remus sat down silently debating in giving her the book or not. He wanted a cigarette so bad, or just something that would take off the edge, but he knew Lily hated the smell so he wouldn't do that. He noticed then, that the redhead's cheerful face fell for some seconds and she got lost in her thoughts. Remus frowned slightly and leaned forward to ask her about it, but then her smile came back as fast as he had gone away. He looked around to see if somebody else had noticed it too, but it seemed like he had been the only one.

He continued glancing at her now and then, trying to find clues of what was happening in her head. She then stood up and announced she would take her presents back to her room quickly.

"Let me help you" he offered, standing up too, he figured he could use the time to ask her if she was ok.

"Alright" she gave him the box with the boots and they walked away from the bonfire.

When they were up in her room, Remus looked around trying to search for the right words to use.

"Hey, uh...are you alright?" he asked putting his hands on the pockets of his jacket.

"Uh? Yeah" she turned at him with a frown and a little smile "why wouldn't I be alright?"

"I dunno" he shrugged "I noticed you went away for a second back there" he signed with his head.

"Oh...that" Lily pressed her lips together and crossed her arms over her chest "just thinking about Tuney." she shrugged "My parents called to wish me Happy Birthday and say that my gift was on its way, and it was nice...but Tuney didn't even try to get close to the phone. And I don't know if that's worse than if she had wished me a 'happy birthday' and not meant it, as she's done before" she sighed. 

"I see" Remus nodded "it's shit" he couldn't even start to comprehend what she might be feeling but those were the words that he thought might come close to describing it.

"Yeah, it's shit" a chuckle came out of her mouth "but, I guess tonight it's not the time to think about those things, it's my birthday after all" she smiled and Remus did too. He bit his bottom lip for a moment and felt the book in his pocket. He decided then that he would give it to her, at least that was better than nothing.

And if the ridiculous attempt of a gift made her laugh in his face he would accept it wholeheartedly, because at least he could make her forget about her awful sister and homelife for a moment.

"I have a gift for you" he announced before getting the book out of his jacket "it's my favorite book, dunno' if you've ever read it but..." he shrugged and handed it to the girl. She opened her eyes and grabbed the book. She opened it and started passing the pages carefully, her lips quirking up more and more as she went on.

"The Metamorphosis" she whispered "I've never read it. And it has annotations!" she mentioned excitedly.

"Yeah, uhm...you can erase those if you want" he swallowed. His hands clammy and a nervous feeling crowding his stomach. 

"What? Are you crazy? I'm not erasing those" Lily widened her eyes "it's fun reading annotated books, I believe it's like a little dip inside a person's soul" the redhead grinned with sincerity, and Remus felt warmth inside his chest "I love it, thanks" she hugged him.

He didn't know why he had been so worried. Lily Evans was probably the nicest and kindest person he'd ever met. She was the type of person to take an old, crumbling book and see it as more than just that. She dug further and tried to find the potential in everything and everyone. Just like she had done when choosing to hang out with Remus, she had seen him as more than just the 'scary new kid', she had seen him as 'Remus' and stuck around patiently to try to figure out who he was and liked him even with all of his 'beat-up' and wrong parts, and nobody had done that for him before.

They went back to the bonfire after that and found the other 5 discussing Football.

"Alright, alright, it's my birthday, no 'Football-talk'," Lily said with a huge smile as she and Remus sat down again. 

"Let's play Truth or Flase!" Mary suggested with a huge smile and everyone in the circle turned to her with different reactions.

"Last time we play that wasn't that great" Marlene pointed out.

"Well, but that was months ago" Mary waved dismissively.

"Alright, let's play then" Lily nodded, not entirely confident in her decision but still smiling.

"You start birthday girl" Sirius signed at her with his chin, slouching back on the folding chair.

"Ok, let's see..." she scanned around before landing her eyes on the fire in the middle, making them shine "I actually like hanging out with this group, Potter included" she sent a glance at James. Every one of them drank a sip from the whiskey bottle -Remus hadn't missed that strong burn whiskey gave him down his throat-. Lily nodded and clapped his hands together "You're all right, I don't mind it, sometimes James can be funny"

"Wow, Evans, I didn't know you found me funny at all" James put a hand on his chest with an amused smile.

"I said sometimes, Potter, don't let it go up to your head" she rolled her eyes.

"Already going up" James laughed and Lily shook her head. Mary went on quickly about her buying fake designer, which, obviously, had been false and she had been so insulted that James, Sirius, and Remus had drinked, and made them take longer shots.

"Alright, my turn" Marlene smirked wickedly as if she already knew whatever she was going to say would cause reactions "I say, that James and Sirius are gay for each other, at least a little" she looked at Sirius and James sitting right next to each other. All the girls took a sip and Marlene passed the bottle to Sirius waiting for the answer. The two boys shared a knowing smile and took sips from the bottle, sending gasps and laughs all around the circle.

"So it's true?" Mary laughed.

"I mean, look at him! Anybody would go a little gay for Sirius Black" James signed at his best friend with his hand.

"And I'm as straight as it gets, but I'd let James fuck me any night" Sirius added with a smile full of mischief. Remus felt his cheeks a little bit hot at the boldness of the two boys, he thought he could never make a joke like that.

"Ok, ok, not need to get graphic here" Marlene grimaced. James passed the bottle to Peter who took a sip as a punishment for getting it wrong and then the shorter boy passed it to Remus. He breathed in deeply and took a sip from the bottle, already tired of feeling his digestive tract on fire.

"My turn" Sirius announced still with the same smile, he landed his grey eyes on Remus and squinted "I believe that Moony secretly gets around more than he says he does" Remus closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He was going to kill Sirius. 

"Oh, I believe that too!" Mary said excitedly. The two drank from the bottle and passed it to Remus.

"I do not" Remus handed Sirius the whiskey bottle with an unamused expression and the long-haired boy barked a laugh. Mary and Sirius drank again and passed the bottle to James now.

"Well...all those times I was joking around Evans before it was because I was trying to impress her" James confessed and everyone drank except Lily "it's true," he said staring at the redhead with a soft smile. Lily looked like she was battling inside her head, lips parted and just barely took a sip when the bottle was handed to her. She sent a small smile to James before giving the bottle to Peter.

Peter said something about not trying weed before and only the girls drank. And, of course, it was false. The girls had been horrified to find out that 'sweet Peter' had tried drugs and Lily had given Remus a scowl when Sirius mentioned it was him who had brought the weed in the first place.

"Ok, Moony, your turn," Sirius said still laughing. He grabbed the bottle in his hands and looked around trying to find something to say. He wanted to get back at Sirius for revealing the 'weed' thing to the girls, and he was already a little bit drunk so he just clung to the most embarrassing thing he could think of.

"Sirius uses women's shampoo" he stated with a small smirk, the eyes of the other boy widened.

"What?" Marlene cackled.

"I do not!" Sirius protested.

"You can't reveal it 'till after we all drink!" Mary said between laughs.

"You do, Pads" Remus chuckled too "you leave the whole bathroom smelling like lavender and honey, and I've seen the bottle. I don't think 'luscious and silky' are words to describe men's hair" he raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, his hair is luscious and silky" James pointed out with a little giggle.

"You are just jealous because you could never have hair like mine with your 4-in-one shampoo" Sirius fought back and the girls turned to Remus with alarmed expressions.

"4-in-one, Remus?" Lily asked in shock.

"That's foul" Mary added shaking her head and putting her hand over her mouth.

"What's the 4th one even for?" Marlene questioned, counting with her fingers. Remus sighed tiredly.

"It's cheap and practical," Remus shrugged and Sirius stared at him, eyebrows raised.

"Now what? We already know it's true that Sirius uses women's shampoo" Peter wondered.

"Wormy!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Everybody drinks!" Mary twirled her index around and the bottle was passed throughout the circle.

Lily said something quickly and then it was Mary's turn. Remus could already notice the effects of the whiskey in every one of them.

"Alright, let's see if this is true" the girl began, slurring her words a little bit "I believe Sirius has snogged at least 30 girls" she smiled at the boy. The girls and Remus sipped from the bottle -he thought that if he dared to sip one more time the liquor would rise in his throat on its own- and Sirius opened his mouth offended.

"D'you think I'm some kind of slut?!" he asked alarmed "I've only snogged 23 girls," he extended his finger at the girl and she laughed. 

Remus shook his head, of course, 25 girls were just the right amount for Sirius Black now, 30 was pushing the limit.

"Please, you have them counted?" Mary shook her head.

"Of course I do, it's called keeping track of what you do" he shrugged "I thought you would know about that, Macdonald," he said in a suggestive tone, raising his eyebrows at the girl. 

"Well, my turn" Sirius raised his arm.

"Hey! It was my turn" Marlene protested, frowning at the boy.

"You'll go after me" Sirius waved dismissively. He turned to Mary completely with a flirty and playful smirk "I say that I'm the best snog, Mary Macdonald has ever had" Mary leaned over, holding Sirius' gaze with a smile, and drink from the bottle without breaking eye contact, confirming what the boy had just said. Sirius looked at the girl sinfully and Remus was starting to feel like they shouldn't be witnessing that.

"Can we stop talking about your weird past? It's creeping me out" Marlene shudder and Remus thanked the blond for being brave enough to say what they all were probably thinking.

"Ok, ok, go Marls," Mary said, leaning back on the chair with a pleased smile. Marlene continued and when it was James' turn Sirius stood up before the other boy could even speak.

"Oh, I love this part!" he exclaimed as the bass solo from The Chain came out from the radio. Sirius went on to play a fake bass while he sang the cords bobbing his head along and letting all his black hair fall over like a curtain. When the guitar came he kneeled on the ground as if he was one of those famous guitarists and continued singing the bridge.

"Alright, stop that Lindsey Buckingham" James laugh pulling Sirius back on the chair.

They continued the game until there was no whiskey left. Their conversations had turned into a mash of unintelligible words and loud laughs. Marlene had changed the CD to 'Tango in the Night' and when 'Everywhere' came in Lily shrieked.

"I love this song!" she exclaimed, a bit drunk.

Can you hear me calling out your name? You know that I'm falling an don't know what to say.

"Then let's dance" James jumped out of his chair and offered a hand to Lily. The girl took it with no hesitation, which surprised Remus completely, and walked out of the circle to a space nearby.

The two moved around with the music, Lily shaking her firey hair and James looking at her with a huge grin plastered across his face, he twirled the girl around which made her almost fall, and grabbed into his chest for support, both laughed and continued dancing as Stevie Nicks' voice flew around.

Something's happening, happening to me. My friends say I'm acting peculiarly.

Mary and Marlene stood up next, holding each other's hands and joining. 

Come on, baby. We better make a start, you better make it soon before you break my heart.

Sirius and Peter were quick to join too, hurrying to the group and jumping around with the music.

Oh, I wanna be with you everywhere.

Remus watched them from his seat with a smile. He then saw Sirius running up to him with a smile.

"C'mon Moony, join us!" he pulled him up by his arms before Remus could even protest, and dragged him to their little 'dancefloor'. Remus smiled, not knowing what to do, but following the boy in front of him. Sirius had his cheeks flushed and eyes glossy from the alcohol and was waving his arms in a slower mention than he would if he'd been sober.

Oh, I want to be with you everywhere.

At that moment, Remus felt nothing of what he had felt at the beginning of the night, in those 3 or so minutes that the song was playing and they were dancing near the fire he thought that nothing of it mattered, money didn't matter, silly gifts didn't matter, the only important thing was those other six jumping around him. Even if Remus liked to act as if he didn't care about anything most of the time, it was just a facade, he cared about them, and it scared him how much he did. He had taken a like out of them too quickly and was afraid that someday he might lose that. And he knew that day would come, he always lost everything he liked or cared about, it was a curse, he was cursed, but for that split moment he decide it didn't matter, he'd deal with it another time, for now, he'd enjoy what he had while it was still there.

Wanna be with you everywhere.

Chapter Text

-Love and Frienship, Emily Brönte.

February 8th, 1996

Remus was having a bad day. One of those days when it seemed like everything in his life was crumbling into pieces. He had woke up in an awful mood that morning, the previous night the dryer at Lion had destroyed his favorite jumper -to be fair it had more holes than fabric, but still-, then somebody dropped their pancakes all over Remus' boots making him spend a good 20 minutes to get rid of the syrup, and after that, at French, D'vaux gave them their exams back and Remus felt like pulling his hair out at that point.

He had gotten a D. A bloody D.

He had thought that he did good, but, obviously, that wasn't the case.

After lunch, he thankfully had a free hour, so he bolted to his smoking spot and lit a cigarette. He released the smoke to the gray sky and felt every fiber in his muscles starting to relax a little.

He sat down on the cobblestone ground and took out the leather notebook Indigo had given him. The teacher had asked him a couple of days ago about it and if he had written something. He had to tell him yes even if the only thing he had written on it was a few lines full of dread and self-hatred; he couldn't disappoint him.

He thought that, perhaps, writing how he felt that day will prevent him from smoking all the remaining fags on the box. He wrote a few lines, nothing worthy of a poem, but it was his feelings on paper at least.

It feels as if I'm drowning
And I'm trying to keep afloat.
But I can't.
As if I was born with weaker arms than the others,
And no matter how hard I try
I sink further down.

It wasn't that hard at the end, it didn't make him feel completely better but it was a great way to speak his heart without actually speaking to anybody.

He dragged his cigarette thinking how ridiculous he might look. Like a girl with a diary. When Sirius appeared on the corner, the boy was looking back like he was running from something.

"Pads?" the other boy snapped his head immediately at him and his face softened with relief.

"Moony!" he ran up to him and Remus put away the 'diary' immediately. He didn't want Sirius to see it.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" he questioned, standing up from the ground.

"No, this is my free hour, shouldn't you be in class?" Sirius chuckled and Remus shook his head.

"Free hour too" he dragged from the cigarette.

"We've had the same free hour all this time and we didn't know?" Sirius said amused, stealing Remus' thoughts right from his brain.

"I use it to come here to smoke"

"I see, and...well...I used to spend it with Dalia so I guess that's why we haven't seen each other before" Sirius shrugged looking back to where he came from.

"And why aren't you with her now?" Remus frowned, he hadn't seen -or heard- about the girl in weeks. Sirius pressed his lips together.

"I'm kind of avoiding her right now"

"What? Why?" Remus pulled his eyebrows further together.

"She told me that we need to talk and that's never a good sign," Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"So you're running from the problem?" Remus said in more of a statement than a question "She's your girlfriend" It was ridiculous for Sirius to be doing that, he was behaving like a child.

"It's more complicated than it seems, Moony" he scratched the back of his ear.

"How so?"

Sirius sighed tiredly "She's mad at me because I stood her up three times in the last week" Remus looked at him as if he was deranged.

He stood her up three times.

" 'Course she's mad at you, are you daft?" he asked in shock and anger.

"Alright, don't start Moony," he warned, putting a finger up "I just...don't feel the same about her anymore," he said in a whisper, that if Remus hadn't been that close to him he wouldn't have heard it.

"So your response is to avoid her" Remus stared at him gravely "You're acting like Daryl, y'know that right?" Sirius opened his gray eyes immediately.

"What?! No! It's not the same" Sirius shook his head profusely, almost scared "I still like her, she's cool, but I don't like-like her anymore, d'you understand?" he turned at him with hopeful eyes. Remus dragged and let the smoke out at his other side.

"So you still like her but not as your girlfriend?" he guessed and Sirius' face lit up.

"Exactly"

"Then why don't you break up with her?"

The solution was so obvious to Remus that he didn't know why Sirius didn't see it.

"I don't want to hurt her" he breathed and Remus sighed.

"I think you're hurting her more with this than if you two break up right now" he pointed out and Sirius looked to his side with a pensive face.

"Maybe," the other boy said after a few seconds of silence. Remus dragged from his fag and at the same time, Sirius turned around, focusing his sight on his hand.

"Would you give me one?" he asked and Remus arched an eyebrow his way. He sighed and searched for the cigarette pack and the lighter in his pocket.

"I'm gonna start counting every cigarette I give you just to keep track of what you owe me," he said handing the pack and the lighter to him, and Sirius chuckled.

"Then add one cig to the tab, good sir" he sang putting a cigarette between his lips and then lighting it.

"I'm serious" Remus raised his eyebrows, grabbing the cigarettes and the lighter back. He knew he had made a mistake saying that when Sirius looked at him with a cheeky smile after taking the first drag.

"No, I'm Sirius" he replied, a laugh caught between the smoke coming out of his mouth. Remus closed his eyes and sighed.

"How many times have you said that joke?" he questioned, not impressed.

"Too many times to count now" Sirius cackled.

"So tell me..." he spoke again after another silence "What's on that mind of yours that you looked so moody at lunch?"

Remus almost wanted to scream. How was it that Sirius always figured out when something was wrong with him. It was like he had a sixth sense or something for 'Remus' shitty moods'.

"Got a D on French" he replied, ashing out the cigarette.

"Oh"

"Yeah, thought that I'd done better" they both fell into silence again

"Don't worry, Moony," Sirius clapped his shoulder "I know that you will have a better grade on the next one" he said as if he was 100% sure that it would happen.

Remus didn't share the same positive attitude.

Suddenly, a girl appeared walking towards them. She was East Asian, with long black hair, long eyelashes, and a pretty smile. Emmeline Vance, he recalled. Remus had seen her around with the girls and at some of his classes.

"Hey, Remus!" she looked at him and he frowned slightly. They had never talked before.

"Hi?"

"Hey, how can we help you?" Sirius smiled at the girl with a tint of flirtiness on it.

"Hi," the girl grinned back at Sirius "you're friends with Caradoc, right?" she turned at Remus again.

"Yes?"

"Benjy told me you helped him with English and he did good" the girl commented and Remus nodded.

The boy appeared last Saturday at practice with a big smile and an exam with a huge 'B' in it. He still couldn't participate on the team, but with another good grade, he would be passing English which made Caradoc and Victoria equally happy.

"Well, I was wondering if you could help me with History, I know it's not the same but Benjy said that you are really smart" The girl smiled widely at him.

"Of course he is, he's the second best at History" Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly "the first being me" he shrugged with an arrogant smile and Emmeline giggled.

"So you can help me then?" she raised her eyebrows.

Before Remus could even tell her that he had to check his schedule Sirius responded for him.

"Yeah, he will" Sirius nodded and Emmeline grinned widely.

"Super! See ya' then, both of you" She smiled at them and waved Sirius goodbye before walking away.

"You tosser!" Remus shoved Sirius away and the boy laughed.

"What? I just got you a private study session with a fit girl!" he tried to ruffle his hair, cigarette hanging between his lips, but Remus pushed his arms.

"I didn't need that" he groaned and fixed his jacket "also, she seemed more interested in you"

"Ah, don't be so modest, Moony" Sirius dragged from his fag and then laughed.

"I'm gonna kill you"

"Do it after you snog Emmeline" he winked and Remus pushed him again.

He certainly wasn't going to snog anyone.

That night Mrs. Hernandez called to check on him. She repeated the same routine questions and then talked to him about a new cat she had bought with her girlfriend. Remus couldn't help himself but also tell her about Lily's birthday and what had happened between Mary and Daryl.

He had always liked that version of Mrs. Hernandez more, the one that acted like his friend, not his social worker who had to check on him because it was her job.

When he arrived at Room C-12 he found the three boys laying on the ground, it appear to be a reunion if some sort.

"Come, Moony, we're planning our prank for Valentine's Day" James waved at him from the floor. Remus took off his jacket and sat beside Peter.

They hadn't done a prank in so long that James insisted the one at Valentine's needed to be really big. Ideas flew around the room, accompanied by the sound of David Bowie's voice on the record player.

Almost at 11 Remus pealed himself from the floor and grabbed his cigarettes and lighter. He opened the window, not caring if Frank could smell the smoke from a few rooms down, and lit one. Immediately, Sirius jumped on his feet and hurried beside him. Before he could even ask, Remus handed him a cigarette and the boy grinned with that usual smile of his.

"Thanks" he whispered.

"That's two cigarettes now" he warned.

"Well keep 'em coming" he laughed, dragging from his fag.

Inspirations have I none, just to touch the flaming dove. All I have is my love of love and love is not loving.

"Oh, I have something for you" Sirius stepped away from the window and Remus knitted his brows together.

Something for me?

Sirius searched in his saddle and then took out something wrapped in a purple shiny foil. When the boy handed him the object Remus realized what it was.

"Chocolate?" he questioned.

"Yeah, so you stop having that tormented face on you" he signed with his chin and Remus stared down at the treat.

It felt surreal that Sirius was giving him that. They never gave each other anything. Their friendship wasn't that way. It was weird but nice at the same time.

And at the end of the day, it was free chocolate, and Remus was more than happy to accept it.

"Thanks" he smiled at him.

February 13, 1996

Normally you could tell when a storm was coming, the day turned grey and it was that built-up tension in the sky until it finally broke into heavy shower and lighting. Either way, there was always a way to tell and prepare yourself for what was coming. But nothing could've prepared Remus for the thunderstorm that would break that day at Lunch.

He was on the line with the girls, James and Peter. For some reason, Sirius was nowhere to be seen. The ambiance around the school was almost equally as high as those days before Halloween some months ago.

The Valentine's activities got every single student ecstatic and anxious. It appeared that week suddenly everybody was in love with somebody else and everyone walked with heart-shaped eyes waiting for the day to come.

The others had explained to him that Hogwarts had this kind of tradition where you could send secret notes, sweets, and roses to somebody at the school. It was held by the head of each house and everyone, especially the older students, seemed to participate in it. Of course, each house was also preparing to host respective Valentine's parties, although everyone was waiting for Gryffindor's the most.

And what had crowded Remus' mind for the last days, James, Peter, and Sirius had their own 'tradition' of throwing a prank on the 14th of February of every year.

"Just like a big 'fuck you' to happy couples" Sirius had explained one night.

Remus didn't understand the appeal of Valentine's Day. He knew it was almost sacred to those who were hopeless romantics, but Remus couldn't care less about a holiday focused only on love. Call it jealousy or bitterness, but that was the way he saw it.

"Oh, y'know that one of Daryl's friends asked me out for Valentines?" Mary said to them with an amused laugh "How ridiculous"

"So you're not going out with anyone tomorrow?" James asked the girl, moving forward on the line and letting the cooks serve him the lunch.

"No, no, I'm done with silly boys for some time" she shook her head, grabbing a single apple.

"And you two?" James turned to Marlene and Lily.

"Well, I don't really like anyone to ask me out" Marlene shrugged, grabbing her full tray out "I'll keep Mary company I guess" she smiled at her friend.

"And you Lily?" James smiled softly at the redhead. Ever since her birthday the two had stopped calling each other by their last names and seemed to be on more friendly terms.

More than friendly, Remus dared to say.

"Oh, no, no, just spent the day with my girls" she shook her head as they walked toward the table at the center.

"Y'know, I heard that Hunter Lawsom from Hufflepuff wanted to ask you out" Mary smiled cheekily, poking Lily's arm with her finger.

"Seriously?" Lily asked opening her eyes.

"Really?" James said at the same time with a frown on his face. The boy looked around the Dining Hall quickly in search of something.

"Yeah, I heard it around" Mary nodded "and you Remus? Are you taking anyone?" she asked.

"No, no one" he put his tray on the table.

"Really? People are saying they saw you alone in the Library with Emmeline some days ago," she raised her eyebrows suggestively and Remus sighed.

"She asked me to tutor her and Sirius agreed for me, had to help her" he really wanted to choke Sirius, that rumour flying across Hogwarts was his fault.

"Oh" Mary pressed her lips together looking a little disappointed, but then she turned to Peter "Pete?"

"I think I'm sending a rose to this girl I think is really pretty, she's from Hufflepuff," the boy said shyly and Mary smiled excitedly.

"Want us to help you? I always love putting couples together" Mary clapped with a huge smile.

"Oh, uhm...sure" Peter chuckled nervously.

"And you Potter?" Marlene called the boy with the glasses who was staring at one point of the Hall "Taking anyone out?"

"Oh..." James turned to the blond "No, not really" he glanced at Lily, and Remus could already tell what was happening.

"James Potter with nobody on Valentine's? That's something new" the redhead huffed a laugh and James smirked.

"Why don't we change that then?" James said in a cheeky tone, making Lily drop her smile immediately "Wanna do something together? You and me," Lily's cheeks went bright red. Marlene and Peter had their jaws on the floor and Mary looked at the two with a huge grin.

"Sure" Lily breathed out and the biggest smile that Remus had ever seen on James appeared on his face.

He shared a look with the others present and they had the same shocked expression on their face. Because, somehow, somewhere, the planets had aligned in James' favour and Lily Evans had accepted going out with him.

Mary said something but Remus didn't listen to what it was because, at the same exact moment, Dalia entered the Dining Hall with a face red from crying and ran to her friends. Mary noticed him looking elsewhere and turned her head in the same direction.

"Is that Dalia?" she questioned and the others turned to look.

"What happened?" Lily asked as they watched how the entire table of girls exited the Hall surrounding Dalia and hugging her.

"Don't know" Remus mumbled and seconds later Sirius Black entered the place with his hands in his pockets and his lips pressed together in an uncomfortable expression.

Oh fuck.

"Hi" the boy simply said when he arrived. They stared at him in silence, probably all of them thinking the same thing.

"Pads...what happened with Dalia?" James asked carefully.

"Uhm..." Sirius swallowed and turned to James "I broke up with her" he mumbled.

Remus repeated the phrase in his mind, as if he had heard it wrong but by the expressions of the others he hadn't.

"You did what?" Lily exclaimed, almost horrified.

"What the hell, Black?" Marlene frowned.

"Why?" Mary responded, her eyes shifting between the boy and the entrance of the Hall.

"I-we...we were having some troubles," he excused himself.

"You broke up with her...today" Remus repeated.

Being that level of uncaring had to be on purpose at this point.

"You told me to break up with her!" he extended his arms.

"Remus?!" the girls exclaimed.

"Not the day before fucking Valentine's Day!" he exclaimed and he noticed the tables around them looking at them already.

"Boys are incredible" Mary shook her head, disappointed. She left the table and, with her, Lily and Marlene.

"Lily, wait!" James called but the redhead didn't turn her head.

"Why are you all mad at me?" Sirius yelled, frowning heavily.

"Pads" James sighed deeply and put his hands on his best friend's shoulders "just...sit down"

They sat down as always, and as much as he was angry at Sirius for being so stupidly reckless, he couldn't ignore the guilty feeling that was set inside his stomach. Somehow that was his fault too.

The news spread rapidly as always. There were mixed reactions throughout the school, some called Sirius a dick for doing that -which he highly deserved-, others, mostly girls, were just happy that the great Sirius Black was single again, and others started speculating what had happened between the two. Overall, people were pleased to have something new to talk about after the thing about Mary and Daryl had died down.

Remus, on his part, tried to distance himself from the drama and didn't talk with Sirius the rest of the day, which had been rather difficult since the last two hours were History and the other boy spent the entire hour trying to get Remus to talk to him.

"Moony, could you pass me a pen?"

Remus didn't respond. Sirius extended his arm and grabbed the pen on his own.

"Moony, d'you think Binns is a virgin?"

Remus didn't laugh.

"Moony, are you mad at me?"

Remus stopped writing and turned to him with a severe look on his face. He didn't say a word, but by Sirius' guilty expression, the message had been received.

The silent treatment continued until later that night when they were sneaking into the school with all the things for their prank ready. Carrying two stools and boxes with all the stuff they had gathered and spent most of the last days preparing.

"Alright, Remus and Pete, you two work on the ground floor and the first floor" James announced in a low voice "Pads, you come with me" Sirius glanced at his best friend and then at Remus with a conflicted expression.

"Alright," the older boy whispered.

Remus walked to the first floor with Peter, the grey eyes of the other boy still playing in the back his mind. They got to a door and Peter placed the stool before it. Remus stood on it, Peter flashing a light while Remus placed a glitter bomb over the door so the next time somebody opened it they would be left sticky and shiny for the next few days. They also had prepared some "blood" bombs for the boys' bathroom stalls with red dye and syrup they stole from breakfast, and the remaining dye would be planted on all the faucets so it'll stain the hands of every user in Hogwarts.

It maybe was too much, but it would make Valentine's a thousand times more entertaining.

They did the job as quickly as they could, always careful if Filch appeared in the hallway. They finished the first floor and went directly to the one below.

"Hey, Remus, are you mad at Sirius?" Peter asked suddenly, and Remus frowned while sticking a glitter bomb on the wall.

"Did Sirius send you to ask me that?" he questioned.

"No, I just noticed you two weren't talking" the boy pointed out.

"I just think it was shitty what he did to Dalia" he shrugged getting down after the glitter bomb was perfectly secure.

"Yeah, quite shitty" Peter agreed in a low voice as if he was scared Sirius might hear him.

"He just needs to stop being an arse with everyone" Remus shook his head.

"Y'know -don't tell him this- " Peter looked to both sides "but I always thought of Sirius as one of those really abstract paintings" Remus frowned.

"How so?"

"You see, at first when you see it it can be hard to figure it out, it can look like just this mash of stuff together, colors and figures all up in your face," Peter chuckled "but when you know the whole history of the paint, when you know what's the meaning behind all of that, you start to appreciate it and understand it. It might still be just a clash of colors but now you can see why is a clash of colors"

Remus stopped and looked at the boy, he didn't understand what had prompted him to say all that stuff.

"I think Sirius would hate you referring to him as an abstract painting" Remus snorted and Peter laughed.

"Yeah, probably" the other boy nodded.

"Well, let's do the bathroom" Remus signed with his head still with the words of the other boy echoing in his head.

Peter filled the faucets quickly as Remus planted the bombs in each stall. He announced he was going to do the girls' bathroom before exiting the place as Remus was putting the bomb on the last stall.

When he came out of the bathroom he saw the almost empty box of stuff thrown on the floor. He frowned and turned to the girls' bathroom, opening the door.

"Pete?" he whispered, but nobody was inside, he closed the door and when he turned around he met a figure in the dark. He jumped and stepped back startled.

Sirius was standing there, looking at him with a face full of worry, with shiny eyes and lips parted as if he was about to say something.

"What are you doing here? Where's Pete?" he asked in a low voice.

"Told him to go with James" Sirius responded quickly "I wanted to talk to you"

"What-We're in the middle of a prank there's no time for a bloody talk" Remus grunted. He looked side to side in the hallway, it was empty thankfully. He grabbed the box on the floor and started walking away.

"I just want to know if you're still mad at me" Sirius followed him.

"Alright, we'll talk when we go to the dorms" Remus blurted out, a little anxious that all that talking could alert somebody.

"Moony" Sirius called behind his back "Moony" Remus didn't answer his ears were too focused on paying attention to his surroundings "Moony" he heard footsteps echoing in the distance.

He stopped and turned to Sirius "Where are James and Peter?" the other boy frowned.

"They must be on the third floor," Remus looked behind Sirius' back, the footsteps were growing closer and closer. Sirius looked at him with a confused expression "what-"

"Don't talk" he ordered and Sirius opened his eyes surprised "follow me" he walked quickly, gripping the bottom of the box so it wouldn't fall.

They were just past the Administration Building, on the younger students' side. The footsteps were increasing their closeness and Remus' heart was beating strongly inside his chest. It must've been Filch, and if the keeper saw them they were doomed.

He spotted the tapestry with the countryside some meters before them. Remus opened it and Sirius stared at it in awe. The footstep sounded closer to them, making Sirius jump to the hidden hallway and Remus followed closely behind. They turned off their flashlights and Remus set the box down.

The footsteps were in the same corridor now. Remus could only hear their own breaths, quivering. The footsteps stopped right before the tapestry and Remus felt his heart drop to his stomach. They both held their breaths in, scared that the slightest disturbance in the air might reveal their location. He kept his breath stuck in his throat until he heard the steps walking away from the tapestry, further down to the other end of the school. When they couldn't hear it anymore they let their breaths out and Remus leaned on the wall beside him.

"Hell, that was close" Sirius whispered, his breathing shaking a little.

"Too close" Remus shook his head and breathed in deeply.

"I've never been here" Sirius commented, turning his light on and pointing it at every part of that dark hallway.

"You've been here for 5 years and never seen this" Remus questioned doubtfully.

"I think I would've remembered seeing a secret hallway," Sirius said with sarcasm and walked to the end, where the big fireplace stood.

"How did you know?" he pointed the light at Remus' face and he pushed his hand back.

"I found it on Winter break" Sirius pointed at the fireplace again, the screen shone against the light.

"It has a lock" Sirius mentioned, pointing at its right. Remus looked at it and noticed the small padlock between the screen and the stone of the fireplace. He kneeled before that and grabbed it. He hadn't noticed that the first time.

"I think there's something under, the first time I was here, I was getting some marbles from a boy playing outside and they rolled into the fireplace and fell down" he explained, trying to sound the sanest he could. He knew that what he was telling the other boy wasn't exactly easy to comprehend.

"Maybe it's like a secret tunnel, y'know, old castles sometimes have those" Sirius shrugged "it makes sense why they would lock it then, so nobody goes wandering. Even though I would love to see what's below now" the boy pressed his face against the screen and pointed to the back of the fireplace, trying to see further.

"Yeah, maybe" Remus nodded and turned to the front of the hallway "let's go back before Filch finds us"

"Wait," Sirius said "let's talk" Remus turned to him, his face covered in harsh shadows from the light of the flashlight below. They were close, too close really, Remus could feel Sirius' minty breath in him.

Remus sighed "Alright"

"Are you mad at me because I broke up with Dalia?" the boy whispered.

"Pads, I'm not mad at you 'cause of the fact that you broke up with her" he closed his eyes for a second "I just thought that it was highly insensitive that you did it before Valentines"

"You said that Valentine's was a shit holiday" Sirius pointed out, his gray eyes wide open, fixed on Remus'.

"Yeah I do, but not everyone thinks that, some people care a lot about that stuff," he shrugged and Sirius looked away.

"Yeah, I guess...I shouldn't have done it" the boy mumbled, lost in his own words "but there's nothing to do now"

"No" Remus shook his head.

"D'you hate me?" Sirius landed his eyes again on him and the question startled him a bit. He was mad at him, but he didn't hate him, he couldn't. At least not anymore.

"No, Sirius, I don't hate you" he responded in a whisper "I might get mad at you for the stupid shit you do, but we're still friends, alright?" Sirius scanned his face with his eyes and Remus wished he could know what the boy was thinking.

"Alright," Sirius nodded.

"Now let's get out of here"

They ran back to the other section and stumbled upon James and Peter who were running from the other direction.

"Dios!" James exclaimed, stumbling back and almost meeting the floor.

"Are you ok?" Sirius asked, concerned.

"Yeah, but we saw Filch around the Music room, we have to go," James said quickly. Remus shared a look with Sirius.

"Filch?" they both asked. It was impossible for the ground's keeper to have been there from the other side that quickly and without them seeing him in the way.

"Are you sure it was him?" Remus questioned.

"Yeah, greasy hair, scary eyes, hunch back...it was Filch" James nodded and Remus and Sirius met their eyes again.

"We heard footsteps, we thought that was Filch" Sirius mentioned and James frowned slightly.

"Well, maybe it was another professor, they sleep here" Peter suggested.

"But why would they be roaming around the school?" Sirius questioned, voicing Remus' thoughts once again.

"It doesn't matter right now, let's just go before with meet either of them" James pushed and they hurried outside.

February 14th, 1996

"Happy Valentine's!" Lily said excitedly, hugging Remus from the side the next morning at breakfast.

"Hi" he smiled at the girls. The whole Dining Hall was crowded with people receiving flowers, chocolates, and cards. It was an explosion of pastel colors and love everywhere.

"Ew," Marlene grimaced looking at the front, there was a couple kissing before them "why do they think it's okay to do that because it's Valentines"

"It's romance, Marls" Mary rolled her eyes.

"It's nasty, that's what it is" Marlene crossed her arms and Remus chuckled "I hope that's not you and Potter today" she turned at Lily and the girl turned red.

"Marls!" they laughed looking at how mortified Lily looked "that's not going to happen, it's just a friend date"

"He told you that?" Mary questioned arching a brow.

"No, but-"

"Then it's a date" Mary smiled.

"Well, but it doesn't mean that it's going to be romantic alright? I don't even like him" Lily scoffed.

"Sure" Mary squinted her eyes at her.

"Remus, what d'you think?" Marlene turned to him and he opened his eyes. He knew better than to get involved in girls' discussions.

"Uhm, I sorta have to go a grab sum' to eat" he pointed at the front grabbing a tray "also don't wash your hands in the bathroom today and be careful with the doors of the classrooms" he warned before walking away.

"What did you lot do?" he heard Lily asking in concern.

He grabbed his breakfast quickly and spotted James, Sirius, and Peter at the table. Peter had a red nose and looked in the bringe of sneezing.

"Alright, Pete?" he asked sitting beside the boy.

"Yeah, just allergies. Y'know, with the flowers and all," he sniffed.

"Right" he turned to James and Sirius and saw that the boy looked excited and anxious, exactly how he usually looked when he had a Football match.

"Nervous?"

"Just a little" the boy grinned his legs bouncing on the sides of his seat "I have everything planned for today, Lily's gonna love it" the boy looked a little bit too excited for just being a 'friend date' as Lily claimed, but he wouldn't say that to the girl.

"Hello, hello, hello" Frank came to the table, carrying a big pink box his hands filled with flowers and gifts.

"Alright, Frankie, what d'you have for us this year?" Sirius smiled, his eyes glittering at the sight.

"Well, you all made me work double today, especially you two rascals" Frank pointed at James and Sirius and they displayed a pair of shit-eating grins at the older boy.

"What can I say, Frank? People love us" Sirius extended his arms.

"It's hard not to love us really" Jame shrugged.

"Alright, alright, here are yours James" Frank took out a smaller box from the big box and placed it before James, it was filled to the brim with chocolate, cards, and flowers.

"Thanks, Frankie!" James smiled, his dimples showing up.

"Here's yours, Sirius" Frank placed another box like James' on the table equally filled.

"Merci" the boy watched the gifts as if they were new toys and he was a little kid at Christmas.

"Peter, this is yours" Frank handed the boy some cards and a chocolate box.

"Oh, thanks" Peter opened his eyes and his lips quirked up.

"And Remus..." Remus turned to the boy with a frown that only deepened as Frank placed two chocolate boxes, three roses, and half a dozen of cards in front of him.

"Is this mine?" he asked, utterly confused.

"I mean, if there's another Remus Lupin in Hogwarts let me know" Frank raised his eyebrows "I'm off to another table" the older boy walked away.

"See ya', Frank" James, Sirius, and Peter waved him off. Remus stared at the cards and chocolates before him as if they were some weird creatures.

"Oh, Moony got some fans, eh?" Sirius teased as he opened one of his many chocolate boxes.

"You lot did this?" he looked at them, expecting any of them to burst to laugh at the -amazing- prank they pulled.

"No" they frowned.

"What?" he muttered.

"Relax, Moony, you have people who think you're fit, enjoy it" Sirius threw a chocolate at him and Remus swatted it away mid-air. He grabbed one of the cards carefully and opened it, there was a phrase in a pink shiny pen in the middle:

'to the most smart and handsome boy on Gryffindor'

He didn't know which one was worst if the grammatical error or the fact that somebody had actually written that for him. He closed the card and threw it at the table, his cheeks feeling a little hot.

"Wicked! I got some hot ones!" Sirius exclaimed showing James what was written in it. The eyes of the other boy widened while reading it and then turned to Sirius red-faced.

"Somebody actually wrote you that?" he laughed.

"Look" Sirius showed him and Peter the card.

'Sirius Black, you are the hottest lad here and I would love to suck your-'

"God, I'm not reading that!" Remus pushed Sirius' hand away, feeling his face completely burning up.

"Don't be a prude, Moony" Sirius barked a laugh "it's a compliment"

"I don't think that's how compliments sound like," Remus forked his scrambled eggs, too embarrassed by Sirius' card to look at any of them.

"I hope Lily receives mine" James turned around, looking at the girls' table. The head girl from Gryffindor was just putting their gifts on the table.

"How would she know it's yours, did you put your name in it?" Sirius questioned.

"No, but she will know it's me" James smirked and turned again to the redhead. She was reading one of the cards she received, when she finished she looked up and searched around with her eyes for a second before landing them on James. She gave him a little smile and then turned away.

"D'you think one of yours is from Seige Peterson?" Sirius asked while snatching one of the cards from Remus' pile.

"I don't know, and I don't care really" he shook his head.

He hated the attention. He had never thought of himself as attractive or somebody who would appeal to the girls, and he had been comfortable with that fact all his life; but apparently, it wasn't true, and that made him more uncomfortable than not being attractive.

As the day went by, their little glitter and blood bombs were causing havoc around the castle, shirts were ruined, hairs were itchy, and people walked around with red-tinted hands -and some of them even with red faces!-. They broke laughing every time they saw one of his victims walking around with sour expressions, especially if it was from the Slytherin pack.

Although their prank was very entertaining, Sirius and James found themselves busier with all the gifts that fell on their laps. Literally. Lots of girls shamelessly gave cards and winks to the two boys around the school, and the two were more than delighted with all the attention.

Sirius seemed to be enjoying it the most. His 'scandal' with Dalia seemed to have just increased his popularity, the boy was drowning in kisses and indecent proposals.

On the other hand, Remus had seen Dalia earlier in History class and the girl had her face red from crying. She carried with her a couple of gifts but her sad expression stayed the same even when Lunch arrived.

He saw the girl walking into the Dining Hall joined by Leah and the two of them sent death glares at Sirius, who was beaming at the second box of gifts that Frank gave him that day.

"You could at least pretend that you are hurt by the break up" he leaned over to the boy. They were alone at the table at the moment, Peter and James were nowhere to be seen. Sirius turned around and looked where Dalias was, he sighed and looked at him.

"I'm talking with her after school" he revealed while rummaging around his new box.

"I don't think she would want to listen to you" Remus pointed out, putting a grape in his mouth.

"Then what I'm supposed to do?" Sirius asked him, staring at him with lost eyes.

"Stop acting like an idiot for instance" Remus grunted, eating another grape. Sirius stared at him for some seconds before grabbing a teddy bear that came with one of the gifts and putting it in front of his face.

"Don't be so moody Moony, it's Valentine's Day" Sirius talked with a high-pitched voice while he moved the arms of the small plush toy. Remus looked at him unamused before grabbing the bear and throwing it on the floor. Sirius gasped and opened his mouth, offended.

"Rude!" he protested and stood up to grab his bear.

James and Peter appeared at the Dining Hall and walked to the table with bright smiles -James more than Peter-. The taller boy had a bouquet of colorful flowers in his hand and looked euphoric.

"Guess what," he said almost giggling.

"Lily?" Remus and Sirius questioned at the same time.

"Yes!" the boy exclaimed "I'm giving these to her" Remus looked behind James' back and saw Snape giving Lily a small box.

"You might want to wait" Remus pointed out and James turned his head to the girl. His face twisted in a frown and his happiness became anger quickly.

"What's that tosser doing?" he scoffed.

"Probably giving her a dead animal or something" Sirius commented.

"I'm going," James said confidently.

"I don't think that's a good idea" Remus pointed out but the boy was already marching toward Lily and Snape "alright, I guess we're doing this" he sighed tiredly and walked behind Sirius and Peter to the obvious disaster that was about to occur.

"Hey, Lily" James smiled at the girl.

"I'm talking with her Potter, sod off" Snape spat, his tiny dark eyes sending lasers to the boy.

"These are for you" James extended the flower bouquet to the girl, ignoring the other boy completely. Her green eyes widened at the sigh.

"They are gorgeous," she grinned, grabbing the flowers in her hands "thanks James" he hugged the boy by his neck, James bent down slightly and tightened his arms around her waist. Snape flickered his eyes between the two.

"They are just a preview of tonight's evening," James said when they pulled apart.

"Wait, are you going up with him?" Snape questioned, looking hurt, almost betrayed.

"Yeah, James invited me" Lily nodded.

"James?" Snape said rolling the boy's name on his tongue like it was something disgusting.

"Yeah. Me. James" James grinned, his infamous ego shining out.

"Don't worry Sev, we'll do something another day" she assured but the boy wasn't pleased with the answer.

"I thought you said you didn't care for stupid boys, Lily" Snape stared at her.

"Well, she cares about you so she obviously lied" Sirius commented on the side, making James and Peter laugh at his words. Remus almost did it too, but Lily's frown told him not to.

"You will hang with him instead of me?" Snape scowled, stepping back from the girl.

"Face it, Snape she chose me instead of you" James teased and Snape pushed him. The other boy stumbled back, not expecting Snape to act that way.

"Sev!" Lily exclaimed and Remus saw Marlene and Mary instantly jumping from their seats, running to the commotion. James steadied again and went to face Snape, Sirius closely behind.

Remus knew that he should be defending James too, but if he did that he would betray Lily's friendship, and if he tried to stay with the girls he would betray the others, it was a loose-loose game, so he preferred not to play.

"Throwing a tantrum, really Snape?" James walked closer to the boy "want to tell mum to change your diapers too?"

"James" Lily warned, getting beside the two boys.

"I'm not an immature wanker who keeps playing pranks at 16" Snape's eyes were filled with rage.

"Alright, stop!" Lily said, but neither of the two separated.

"You don't deserve her," Snape growled.

"What? Jealous that I got her and you don't?" James smirked at him and Snape pushed James, harder this time, making him fall to the floor. Sirius was about to charge at Snape, in defense of his best friend, but Remus was quick to grab his arms and pull him back.

"You two, that's enough!" Lily yelled, her voice vibrating across the entire Dining Hall. If the people weren't watching before, they were now "you both are ridiculous. You are talking about me like I'm some sort of prize to be won, neither of you 'got me' alright? Get that straight in your bloody brains" he looked at the two guys, her cheeks flushed and her eyes licking with fire. Remus had never seen her like that, driven by anger and losing her composure.

"And if you thought that I would go out with either of you today then you are both wrong," she stated before walking away. Mary and Marlene sent glances at them before following her friend out of the Hall.

"This is your fault" Snape hissed at James, but the boy was too busy staring at where Lily had gone with glossy eyes and a face full of regret.

"Fuck off before I break your nose" Remus threatened, irritated by the other boy. Snape took it at heart and walked away before Remus' words could become true.

James tried to find Lily after that, but the girl disappeared from the sight of them. He was worried that he had ruined his only opportunity with her. He didn't even let Remus listen to D'Vaux, which he normally didn't do anyways but he needed a good grade in French and he was trying that day. James had different plans:

"D'you think she hates me again?" James asked him for about the fourth time in a span of ten minutes. He now could see why he and Sirius were best friends.

"I don't know, Prongs, you have to talk with her" Remus sighed, turning to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I will" the boy nodded with an expression full of distress.

James' anxiety extended to dinner time later that day, his hair looked more untidy than normally and he kept fixing the glasses sliding down his nose.

"I can't believe it, it's like she's avoiding me! D'you think she's avoiding me?" the boy talked hurriedly as they walked around the school, trying to find the girl.

"Calm down, Prongs, she must be in the Hall" Sirius patted his shoulder, comforting his friend, But Sirius couldn't be more wrong, when they entered the Dining Hall they didn't see Lily, or Marlene, or Mary; in fact, there weren't any older girls inside.

"Something's off, right?" Peter asked as if he was going crazy.

"Yeah, there aren't any girls from Godric" Sirius looked around, scanning the empty tables. They grabbed their dinner and sat down. The boys left had embittered expressions, some even had entire flower bouquets in their hands and gifts that rest sadly over the tables.

"Hey" Frank suddenly came up to them "you two scoundrels!" he pointed at Sirius and James "what did you do?"

"What do you mean?" James frowned with total confusion.

"All the girls are gone and they say it's your fault" Frank crossed his arms, looking at them mad.

"How is this our fault?" Sirius questioned.

"Apparently some girls at Scarlet were mad at you and managed to convice the others to leave their dates tonight!" Frank ranted and Sirius and James shared a panicked look before turning to he and Peter.

Oh shit.

"I was supposed to have this quite lovely date with Alice and you two ruined it" Frank raised his eyebrows.

"Alright, alright, we're fixing this ok?" James stood up slowly "we're fixing this, alright?" he addressed the rest of the boys at the Dining Hall "c'mon" he signed them with his head and they followed him.

Remus had been looking for a peaceful evening with a nice warm dinner and a book. Helping cleaning out James' and Sirius' mistakes wasn't in his plans.

They hurried to Scarlet where it seemed like a big party was taking place. Colorful lights could be seen from the windows, loud music could be heard around, girls stood outside with cups on their hands, while others came in and out of the building.

"Bloody hell" James exclaimed as they walked toward the door, Remus noticed how some girls sent looks their way. Their presence was clearly unwanted.

"It looks like all the girls from Godric are here" Sirius pointed out.

"Do you think it was Lily and them?" James questioned and a shout from behind their backs came in as an answer.

"Hey, tossers!" they turned around and saw Marlene walking down the stairs toward them.

"Marls!" James called, a relieved smile appearing on his face.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned, arching a brow.

"Wha-well..." James scratched the back of his head "Frank told us that all the girls left their dates behind because some girls from Scarlet were mad at Sirius and I, so we were wondering if it happened to be you lot"

"I'm not mad at ya', I couldn't care less, really" Marlene admitted and James grinned.

"Great, then-"

"But Lily is mad at you for that shit with Snape" she interfered. James smiled dropped immediately "at him too, but y'know, you were s'pose to be her date tonight" she shrugged, drinking from her cup.

"So she's mad at me" James' eyebrows bent with worry.

"Yeah, maybe not for long, maybe forever, who knows?" she shrugged again with a smirk.

"And what about me? I haven't done anything to you" Sirius stepped forward.

"Well, you're just an arse for the thing with Dalia," Marlene looked at him.

"So you got every girl at Godric abandoned their dates because of us?" Sirius frowned "to teach us a lesson?"

"It's not fair, if you are mad at us just take it against us, don't drag the others in it" James shook his head, Marlene frowned slightly and looked at them for some seconds in utter disbelief.

"It's incredible" she laughed bitterly "it's that what all you boys think this is? A lesson for you two?"

"Yeah?" James said.

"Then boys are more stupid than I thought" she laughed again, shaking her head. They all share the same confused look.

"This is not because of you, these girls aren't here because of what you two did" she spoke again "They're here because we all had enough of men ruining everything for us. We're here because we want to have a good time. This has nothing to do with how you feel"

The girl's words had come at them so strongly that they couldn't formulate any words. They were left there, speechless and surprised by it. Remus didn't know that many girls felt that way, he had thought that perhaps it was a prank to get at Sirius and James, but Marlene's words told a different story.

"Alright?" she asked after some seconds and they nodded in silence "good, now go, you're glooming our party" she signed at them with her chin. They turned around and walked toward Lion.

"Well...I guess it's just us" James said, falling into the couch in the Common Room.

"What are we going to tell the others? You kinda promised them we'd fix it" Sirius sat beside him.

"Don't know, Pads" James sighed "the truth? What Marls told us" he shrugged.

And that's exactly what they did, when the boys came from the Dining Hall waiting for a response from James and Sirius they told them what Marlene had said. Most of the guys were surprised, others kind of disappointed and some of them angry that the two boys in front of them had been the catalyst of the issue. Even when they tried to tell them that it was all their fault they didn't buy it. Remus thought that it was probably better to put the blame on another person than admit you were part of the problem too.

They stayed in Lion, having a different evening than lots of them expected. The Years 13s cracked open some beers and chatted in one side of the room, but it was far from the massive rave that they had planned for that night.

They sat down at a table in the corner, playing a card game with some other boys from their year. Remus saw how Sirius stood up at one point and went up the stairs.

"I never thought that the girls would go all 'feminist revolution' here at Hogwarts" McLaggen snorted.

"Well, we kind of deserve it" James raised his eyebrows as Peter dealt the cards again.

"Maybe you Potter, but half of the boys I know are the nicest people I know. They are just overreacting" Remus looked at the boy with a frown on his face.

"I don't know, if that was true then they wouldn't be doing this, don't you think?" James pointed out, putting a card down.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," McLaggen waved dismissively.

"He's a wanker" Remus whispered to James.

"Yeah," the boy whispered back. Remus turned to the stairs and wondered what Sirius was doing that was taking him so long.

"I'm gonna check on Pads," he told James and Peter before standing up and going to the stairs.

When he opened the door of his room he saw Sirius sitting on the window, smoking a cigarette that was highly probable that came from Remus' pack. He closed the door and stared at the boy with an eyebrow raised.

"Is that mine?" he asked, walking toward him. Sirius looked at him as he let smoke out from his mouth.

"Maybe" Sirius smiled cheekily.

"That's three cigarettes now," Remus sitting sat down in front of him, and Sirius chuckled.

Queen was playing on the record player and Sirius had this wondering face on him that made Remus frown.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Just...thinking" he shrugged and dragged from the cigarette. Remus watched him let out the smoke, so elegantly that it was almost as if it was all an act.

"Thinking 'bout what?" he asked stealing the cigarette from Sirius' hands. He felt the icy cold fingers from the other boy brushing against his.

"Dalia...and all that stuff" the boy turned to him and scanned his face while Remus let the smoke escape from his lips.

"Right" he gave the cigarette back to Sirius and he stared at it in silence for some seconds.

"Could we smoke something else?" he looked at Remus with hopeful eyes, just like those of a puppy pleading for a treat.

"You want weed?" Remus frowned, chuckling.

"Yeah" Remus stared at the other boy for a few seconds before sighing.

"Alright" he stood up and looked for the tin that Flynn had given to him. There were only two joints left luckily for Sirius; so Remus gave him one and grabbed the other one for him.

"That's three cigarettes and a spliff now" he commented, raising his eyebrows at the boy.

"Three cigarettes and a spliff" Sirius repeated, putting out the cigarette with the edge of the window "what's that worth for you?"

"Dunno" Remus lit up the spliff in his hand before passing the lighter to Sirius.

"If you don't know what three cigarettes and a spliff are worth for you then we can't talk business here Mr. Moony" Sirius joked while burning the tip of his joint with the fire.

"Alright," Remus chuckled and dragged from the spliff. The heavy smoke made him cough a little "I guess three cigarettes and a spliff are worth that...three cigarettes and a spliff" he shrugged and Sirius looked at him with a light frown and a smile on his face.

"Then I'll give you three cigarettes and a spliff" Sirius gave him a nod before smoking from his joint, also coughing after it.

"You owe me more than three cigarettes, that's just from last week" Remus pointed out before dragging again.

"If you didn't count them then that's on you" Sirius smirked.

"Tosser" Remus snorted.

The night was breezy but not unbearably cold. The moon was just a line on the sky and the music from Scarlet could be heard faintly in the back. They smoke in silence as the songs from 'A Day In The Races' pass on the record player. Sirius was staring outside, his brows pulled together looking like he was fighting something in his mind.

"Regretting breaking up with Dalia then?" Remus questioned, the smoke flying out with his words and his head feeling lighter than before.

"It's not that..." Sirius shook his head "I just...wished I had done it differently...didn't realize it would hurt her that much" he turned to Remus, lips pressed together.

"Yeah, sometimes it's easy to hurt someone else without meaning it" he shrugged. He had a lot of experience with that, with his anger throwing poison at those who dared come near him.

"And it's not like I don't like her, or something" Sirius defended desperately and Remus nodded.

"You told me that"

"It's just that feelings change...I change" he looked outside "maybe more than other people" he raised his eyebrows and took a hot from the spliff "it's like I never can like a girl for too long" he turned to Remus, his gray eyes glossy and sparkling "I just feel... trapped"

The real meaning behind the painting. The phrase repeated itself at the back of Remus' mind.

"Why don't you try to make it different?" Remus suggested and Sirius laughed bitterly.

"Don't you think I haven't tried, Moony? I thought that with Dalia it was different, but turns out it wasn't" he paused to smoke "Prongs says that when I find 'the one' it all will change, but I don't know" he shrugged "I think I wasn't made for relationships. I have more fun being single anyways" Remus looked at him and ashed out the spliff outside.

"I've never been in a relationship" Remus admitted, he was high already.

"Really?" Sirius opened his eyes, surprised.

"Yeah, never" Remud nodded, dragging from the spliff.

He had zero romantic experience. He had never been too fond in the 'love' thing. Throughout his life in Waterfront there weren't many 'prospects' for Remus to choose, he also wasn't looking for that. He didn't have friends before, much less a girlfriend. Although, he had found lots of girls pretty before none of them were really crushes, just people he found attractive.

"I can't believe you" Sirius laughed "but Seige Peterson kissed you" he recalled and Remus chuckled, remembering the situation as a silly thing rather than something to be embarrassed about.

" 'Guess I was lucky that time"

"But girls love you, Moony, I mean, I saw your gifts today" he pointed out, raising his eyebrows and he smoked from the joint "...and you're not an ugly bloke, rather I'd say you're quite gifted" Sirius shrugged and Remus felt his head spinning.

They were so high already that Sirius has started complimenting him.

"Right, right, cheers" he laughed and dragged from the joint.

"But really, why not?" he questioned, leaning a little bit closer, like he was inspecting Remus.

"I guess I've never been interested in all of that dating thing" he shrugged "it saves me a lot of headaches and I don't waste my time"

"Dating is not a waste of time" Sirius snorted, shaking his head and Remus arched an eyebrow at him but didn't say anything else. The song changed in the record player, and Freddie Mercury's voice came out high on it:

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

"Ooh, perfect song for the ocassion!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping on his seat "I know, Moony! We have to find you somebody to love" Remus deadpanned.

"No"

"C'mon! Let me play Cupid, I heard that you and Emmeline spent some time together" he twirled his finger at him and Remus pushed his hand away.

"That was because of you, tosser!"

"Still, we should find you a girlfriend. A Moony girlfriend" he stressed.

"I hate how that sounds" he said without emotion.

"I'm just saying" he shrugged dragging from the joint, then he started humming along with the song. He put out the spliff on the edge of the window and signed at him with his head jumping on his feet "C'mon Moony, let's dance!" he grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him to the middle of the room.

"Careful!" Remus exclaimed, putting out his spliff while Sirius tugged him from the arm.

"I work hard -he works hard- every day of my life. I work 'til I ache my bones" Sirius sang while batting their arms side to side. Remus felt like he was floating, somehow Sirius' voice had become more vibrant in the last hour and it ringed pleasantly inside Remus' ears "I get down on my knees and I start to pray" he pushed and pulled him, and Remus felt like the room was spinning now " 'til the tears run down from my eyes"

He turned around and jumped on his bed, Remus stumbled not having noticed how much of his weight he was leaning into Sirius before.

"Can anybody find me somebody to love?" he held the last note long and perfectly like he wasn't as high as a cloud. So effortlessly and beautiful it stole Remus' breath and all thoughts. His heart beated hard inside his chest and his ears rang with the remainings of Sirius' amazing note.

Remus thought that Mercury would be absolutely proud of it.

He works hard

"Every day -every day-, I try and I try and I try" he sang with and invisible microphone over his bed, like he was performing for an audience of a thousand people and not just Remus who was half there-half in Mars.

"But everybody wants to put me down, they say I'm going crazy" one thing about Sirius Black was that he knew how to grab your attention and at that moment he had Remus' total attention on him "They say I got a lot of water in my brain. I got no common sense. I got nobody left to believe in!" he shook his head at the rhythm his black hair flowing with each movement, so hypnotizing.

On the guitar solo, he kneeled on his bed and started playing an air guitar. Remus couldn't hold back a laugh and smiled at the sight of his friend acting like Slash or some other guitarist.

Ooh, somebody, ooh somebody.

"Anybody find me somebody to love?" there was that note again. It sent shivers around Remus' body, his mouth felt dry and he had to try to keep himself from falling to his knees out of amazement.

He was really stoned.

Got no feel, I got no rhythm. I just keep losing my beat

"Moony, dance!" Sirius got out of his bed and grabbed his arms before he could say something "I just gotta get out of this prison cell. One day I'm gonna be free," Sirius sang with raw emotion, his eyes flickered with a firey passion like the lyrics had come from his heart. Remus' lips parted, he wanted to say something but he had no words.

Sirius stood there then staring at him with his grey eyes glazed over, his cheeks were flushed probably from the weed and the performance he had just done. His hair was a little tangled but, of course, since he was Sirius Black, it was still perfect.

Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love

Sirius' lips quirked up and his face lit up completely. He grabbed Remus' hands and swayed them side to side.

"Find me somebody to love," he sang with a tint of fun in his words. He raised his eyebrows at Remus to keep the song too. He was too high to even refuse and just followed along.

"Find me somebody to love" he sang, not even close as good as Sirius, but he tried. But still, Sirius beamed widely when he did.

Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love

"Somebody" Sirius sang and pointed the invisible microphone at him.

"Somebody" Remus chuckled at how ridiculous it all was.

"Somebody"

"Somebody"

Somebody find me

"Somebody find me somebody to love" Sirius continued getting a little bit closer to him.

Can anybody find me...

"Somebody to..." Sirius grabbed his face from the sides gently, making him freeze instantly, "love" he chuckled, and Remus felt his heart drop to his stomach. Sirius' cold hands were on either side of his cheeks, his fingertips grasping every inch of them.

Something about that scared him all of a sudden. It fell wrong, illegal almost. And he had never been scared about forbidden things, but that had just felt a different kind of forbidden he had never felt before.

Find me somebody to love
Ooh
Find me somebody to love

Sirius pulled away grinning, like nothing had happened, and grabbed his hands again, spinning them both around while laughing. Remus' head felt like it was going 10 times faster now. Between what Sirius did and the fact that he was actually spinning now, his head was pounding and pleading to stop.

He tripped over one of Sirius' shoes on the floor and they both plummeted to the ground with a heavy thud.

"Ouch," Sirius whined and Remus had to grip the floor panels to try to stop his body from continuing to spin. He heard Sirius' barking laugh and his head stopped spinning slowly.

He turned his head and saw the other boy absolutely losing it beside him like the funniest thing just happened to both of them. Remus wanted to frown at him and say that it was his fault he felt so dizzy now, but Sirius' laugh was too contagious and Remus felt a little bit too relaxed to even worry about being mad at him, or the fact that he had put him in a small panic attack just seconds before. He chuckled a bit and then laughed with him, as the record player changed to the next song.

Bloody Mercury and his amazing songs.

Chapter Text

How cruel, your veins are full of ice-water and mine are boiling.
-Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

February 18th, 1996

When Remus had offered Caradoc help with English he didn't think that would evolve into a lot of people asking him for private tutories. He hadn't thought he was that great at school stuff or even helping others achieve that, but apparently, he was.

It all started after he helped Emmeline, the girl supposedly had found his tutoring very helpful, and told all of her friends about it (of which she had a lot). In the following days, hoards of students from all years had come asking if he could help them too, offering all kinds of payments in return: money, food, and even booze and smokes.

Remus never thought helping a couple of kids with their homework and exams could be so lucrative, so he couldn't pass the opportunity. He had spent the weekend helping kids around Hogwarts in everything he could. By Monday he already had three new boxes of cigs and 30 pounds on his name. A lot more than he'd ever had before.

That afternoon he walked to the Library for the tutoring of that day. A group of girls from Year 10. They had followed Remus the day before through all Godric and insisted that he helped them with their History test. He almost said no, but they offered 40 pounds just for that study session alone so he couldn't pass up the opportunity.

He didn't think much about it, he just wanted the money and History was an easy subject for him. But he knew he had made a grave mistake when he noticed the three girls weren't there exactly to talk about Alexander the Great or The Roman Empire.

"So, you're mates with Sirius Black and James Potter, right?" one of the girls said, bouncing her pen on her open notebook -which had not one single word written on it-.

"Yeah?" he said with a slight frown on his face. He didn't know why his friendship with the two was so important to them.

"So, you know if they have girlfriends and all that," she asked again and the two others giggled.

"Uh...they don't" he pressed his lips together and passed the page of the History book.

"And does James fancy anyone?" another one questioned, with too much interest to be a casual conversation.

"Uh, yeah?" he said unsure and the girl looked disappointed.

"What about Sirius?" the first girl asked again "does he fancy anyone?" he snapped his head at her, already annoyed by the questions.

"I dunno" he shrugged. It was clear that they were more interested in the two boys than the History lesson in front of them.

"He broke up with Dalia Grimshaw recently, right?" the third girl interfered and Remus sighed.

"Sure" he passed a hand over his face and saw the girls' faces lit up.

"So he's single again" the first girl stated with a huge smile.

"What is he like?" the third girl leaned in, interested and Remus felt he might snap at them at any moment. They were wasting his time. At least he hoped they would pay him the 40£ they promised.

"Why don't you ask him yourselves?" he suggested, resting his elbow on the table and his head on his hand. The girls stayed quiet for a couple of seconds after that and Remus thought they finally got the clue that Remus wasn't interested at all in talking about his friend's dating lives.

"And you?" the first one asked, bating her eyelashes "Do you fancy anyone?" the question caught Remus by surprise. He didn't think they would be interested about his dating live. He wasn't Sirius or James after all.

"Oh, uh...no" he stuttered and the girl smirked at him.

"Great to know then" she glanced back at her friends and they gave her a look like they were communicating telepathically.

"Uh, are you still interested in the tutoring?" he asked, now feeling the urge to bolt out of the Library.

"Sure," they say with huge smiles and renewed energy.

For the rest of the tutoring Remus felt anxious and a lot more self-conscious than usual. Bloody comments. When they finally finished and the three girls left the Library, Remus felt like he could finally breath again.

He gathered all of his belongings into his saddle and exited the place. He checked his watch and notice Dinner would be served soon. He needed to hurry to Lion. He fastened his steps, looking down at his watch when he suddenly crashed into someone.

"Shit, sorry" he blurted out and looked up, just to be met with a pair of intense blue eyes behind half-moon-shaped spectacles. Remus stepped away instantly and pressed his lips together.

"Sorry" he apologized again, but this time with a more serious tone.

"Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore said with a chuckle "you're in such a hurry, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothin', jus' want to get to Dinner" he shrugged, looking away.

"Oh yeah, those berry pies usually get snatched very fast" he chuckled again, putting his hands behind his back. Remus nodded, not really agreeing or wanting to continue the conversation.

He couldn't see the headmaster the same after finding the photo frame of the class of '54 inside his desk. It made Remus think if he could lie about something as simple as that, what else could he be hiding?

"Now that I have you here Mr. Lupin" he put a hand over his shoulder and Remus tensed all over "It comes to my attention that you've been asking around for an old Hogwarts story, haven't you?" Dumbledore gaze at him deeply, it made Remus feel uneasy; as if the headmaster already knew everything he had done.

"It was for a History project" he mumbled quickly.

"Was it?" Dumbledore questioned surprised. Remus couldn't ignore the condescending tone in the older man's voice.

"Yeah, but that was for last semester," he said, hoping Dumbledore won't ask him more questions and just let him go.

"Then that's great, hope you had a good grade with it" he smiled "just advice, let rest what's already resting," he patted his shoulder and walked away. When the man was far away Remus let out a heavy breath. The way he had told him that was sort of threatening like he didn't want Remus to dig more about that.

He thought about what Sirius had said once, that Dumbledore made sure always to keep the reputation of the school in perfect condition. No matter what. It made him think about what the man could've done at the time Olivia died, how he handled the situation, and if her family ever got to have some say in that.

No.

He better not get carried away again by that. It led to nothing and he had promised to leave it to rest.

He ran to Lion and got to his room, hoping he wasn't too late.

"Moony! We were waiting for you!" James exclaimed, looking nervous all over.

" 'm sorry, 'was in the Library tutoring some girls" he threw his saddle beside his bed and got rid of his tie.

"Some girls you say" Sirius raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shut it. Before you say anything they were a lot more interested in you two" he glanced at them "kept asking me if you had girls and what not" he grunted and they shared a look full of pride.

"Well, we can talk about that later, now we have something to do," James said, grabbing a CD player from Sirius' desk and handing it to Remus.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, hoping the three other boys would say no.

"Of course, now let's go, Moony!" Sirius pinched one of his cheeks and went out of the room before Remus could hit him in the arm.

He was dreading the moment he had agreed to help James with his apology. Three days had passed since Valentine's and Lily still didn't talk with James or look his way, and he had had an entire mental breakdown on Saturday because of it. Remus -who was already tired of hearing him whine all day- had told him to try to apologize in another way, thinking something like a note; but of course, since he was James Potter, he had the amazing idea of singing her a ballad in front of the entire school. And once he had that 'great' idea -and Sirius backed it up too- there wasn't anything Remus could say to change his mind.

"Pads, could you talk him down about this? It's a ridiculous idea" he whispered trying one last time and looking at James prancing his way to the school.

"All of our best ideas are ridiculous" Sirius beamed and patted his cheek before grabbing the stereo and zooming beside James.

"We really need to stop letting them drag us to these things" he sighed, turning to Peter, and he chuckled. Remus thought the entire thing was a mistake. Lily wasn't one for ballads, or at least he would never see her like one.

But it was too late, James entered that night into the Dining Hall with his chest puffed and a big grin on his face, and marched his way to the girls' table, with Sirius and the stereo at his side.

"Hello ladies" he began and the three girls shoot looks with different degrees of confusion at the pair "Lily, look, I know that what I did was wrong but I truly apologize for my behavior, I would never see you as a prize to be won and I let my anger at Snive- sorry...Snape," Lily raised an eyebrow "get in the way. So I come here today, on this beautiful Monday night to apologize and serenade you" the girls exchanged alarmed looks.

"Ready?" Sirius asked and James nodded. The older boy pressed a button on the stereo and music started coming out of it loudly. Heads turned to watch them around the Hall and Lily's expression changed to one of horror. Marlene was holding tears of laughter and Mary gazed at them with an amused smile.

"No sabes cómo te deseo" James sang, he didn't have a bad voice, it wasn't great either but at least it didn't sound half bad "no sabes como te he soñado" the redhead jumped off her chair and put her hand in front of them immediately.

"Stop, stop James!" her face was as red as her hair. James' expression fell and Sirius pressed the player again, making the music stop completely.

Remus wanted the ground to open and swallow him whole at that moment.

"Could you not do that?" she pointed at the stereo and James pressed his lips together.

"Oh...okay" he sighed, clearly disappointed. Lily smiled at him softly and then a chuckled came out of her lips.

"James, it's not that I don't like this, it's just...the whole school is here and I don't feel comfortable with that..." she explained and James' face softened.

I knew it

"Oh" he turned his head, noticing the other people watching "alright, I get it" he smirked.

"Great" she nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and glancing between James and Sirius "uh...and it's alright, James. I forgive you" she placed a strand of hair behind her ear and James smiled widely.

"Oh, good" he nodded and the two of them stayed staring at each other in silence.

God Remus wanted to die.

Sirius cleared his throat "so everything good, ladies?" he smiled at them.

"You're still on thin ice Black" Lily warned, pointing at him with her finger "that's a second strike"

"Oh, Evans, I didn't know you were into sports" Sirius joked.

"Could you let us eat in peace now?" Marlene asked from the table and they turned their heads at her.

"Of course, Miss Mckinnon, as you pleased" Sirius made an exaggerated bow at her and she flipped him off.

"C'mon" James signed with his head "see ya' Lily" he smiled at the girl.

"See ya' " the redhead returned the smile and Remus sent her an arched brow. She rolled her eyes with a light chuckled and returned to her seat.

"I think that went great!" James grinned as they walked towards the line for food.

"Yeah, but I wanted you to finish the song, I love that one!" Sirius protested.

"Well, maybe James can sing it for you after dinner" Remus suggested as a joke but when he saw their faces light up he knew the two boys hadn't taken it as one.

"Would you, babe?" Sirius batted his eyelashes at James in a dramatic way.

"Of course, mi amor, anything for you" he replied, surrounding Sirius' shoulders with his arms and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Ugh! Fuck off" Sirius laughed, pushing his best friend away, and James cackled like it had been the funniest thing ever.

Remus stood there, uncomfortable, with his lips pressed together. He thought once again that the two boys were too comfortable with each other. He could never see himself doing that, there were people out there that would assume he actually liked guys, even if he was joking, and Remus preferred that his sexuality wasn't questioned by anyone. He felt more comfortable that way.

The whole dinner was filled with the usual laughter and conversation of every day. Sirius tried to play the stereo several times, catching the attention of everyone in the room, but after a couple of scolds from Remus, he stopped trying.

They went to room C-12 as always and played a card game which was stopped by Frank who told James and Peter to go back to their rooms. Remus then got in the shower quickly before Sirius, since the boy always lasted about an hour bathing. When he got out Sirius was waiting in the door already, and stuck out his tongue at him.

"Tosser," he said before entering the bathroom and locking the door, Remus laughed and jumped into his bed.

An hour later Sirius got out drying his hair with a towel.

"The next time you get in the shower when I want to I'm stealing one of your cigarettes" he threatened and Remus rolled his eyes with a little smile. He put away the book he was reading, already feeling sleepy when he remembered his interaction with Dumbledore earlier.

"Hey, Pads," he called for the other boy and he turned his head "when I was coming out of the Library I stumbled with Dumbledore and he told me that he knew that I was asking around about Olivia's death" Sirius froze in place.

"He told you that?" he frowned.

"Not exactly, but he implied it" he explained "he told me to let rest what's resting" Sirius pursed his lips and his face was covered with anger.

"That bastard..." he muttered to himself "he always does this, he really only cares about the bloody money and Hogwarts' reputation" he threw his towel into his bed with rage and Remus raised his eyebrows.

"You've said that...but why? What happened?" he finally dared to ask. Sirius turned to him, and stared in silence for some seconds, like debating if saying something or not. He then walked to Remus' bed and sat on it, right in front of him with his legs crossed like a little kid.

"A couple of years ago -I think when I was in Year 8- something happened here at Hogwarts" he started and Remus felt the anticipation building up in his chest "I had a cousin here, her name is Bella, Bellatrix" Remus tried not to frown at the strange name, remembering all of the Blacks had rather interesting names on them "she's the sister of my other two cousins I've mentioned before, Andy and Narcissa" he paused and put a hand up " Before I continue you need to know tat she's a psycho, the worst kind of person you could meet, she's deranged" he sighed and took a moment to continue.

"Well, one time she went bollocks on a younger girl, just because she had given her a wrong look or something, and she...basically tortured her with a lighter," he said rapidly as if he was hurrying to get the words out. Remus blinked trying to check if what he heard had been right, but even as fast as Sirius tried to say the words, they were still recognizable.

It made him sick instantly. How could someone do that? How twisted do you have to be?

"She gave her burns around her arms and the girl had to be sent immediately to Madam Pomfrey" Sirius played with the loose threads on Remus' duvet and didn't take his eyes off of it "the parents of the girls were clearly mad and threatened Dumbledore with a lawsuit. Of course, he couldn't have that, it would be the ruin of Hogwarts Academy and the papers would go crazy with it" he rolled his eyes "so he paid them off to keep quiet, but of course, it wasn't enough, they wanted Bella out of Hogwarts too and Dumbledore agreed on it. Bella's parents didn't even try to negotiate, because they knew if the story got out the Black's name would also be stained" he shook his head frantically.

Remus gazed at him deeply. He imagined Sirius having to live with people like that almost every day of his life for the past sixteen years. Not only his parents were monsters. But all of his family, his uncle, and aunt, and clearly his cousins too. They were all a different kind of evil. The Black family was rotten all over.

"They do that kind of shit to cover their arses, they don't care who they hurt or what they do, they only care how much money would it cost to pay to hide the consequences and keep their image clean to the public" he spat, rage and sadness hung from his words "that's what they do...that's what my family do...as well as Dumbledore"

Remus looked away and thought about it for a minute. Of course, it made sense. The only things rich people cared about were money and power. Nothing else was important to them, and they knew they could solve any problem and clean any mistake with just a sign of a hand or a slide of a credit card. It was wrong, but real. Money and power. The only two things that drove them.

"And nobody said something?" Remus questioned and Sirius finally looked up.

"Like who?...Us?" he laughed bitterly "We already knew to keep our mouth shut, most of us come from families that do these things all the time, you grow up seeing things like that and learning to mind your own business if you know what's good for you" Remus pressed his lips together.

"That's not right"

"Of course, it's not right," Sirius scoffed "that's what I've been running from all my life" he shrugged.

Remus looked at him and wanted to say something about that, he wanted to tell him that he will get what he wanted, that he had nothing to worry about. But it would be a cruel lie. Remus didn't know if the boy in front of him would become what he wanted or what he feared most, and that was scary. He wanted to believe that for some reason Sirius would escape his fate, he would get what he wanted as he always did. But he couldn't assure him that and it hurt to not be able to do something about it.

"And have you seen her again?" he asked.

"Bella?" Remus nodded "Yeah, all the time" he rolled his eye "she's at every family reunion and she's not one bit better since he left Hogwarts" he huffed a laugh "y'know? She used to cut my hair and burn me too when we were little. She likes to play like that. I guess we should've known by then how she was" Remus stared at him, biting his bottom lip anxiously, he had said everything like a joke but Remus didn't think younger Sirius would find it as funny as he did now.

"Please never drag me to another serenade ever again" he changed the subject, and Sirius laughed.

Remus thought that he liked seeing him laugh. 

"In the end, it worked, right?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Only because Lily is a good person, but I told you two wankers that she wouldn't be fond of that" he pointed at him with his finger and Sirius grinned playfully.

"It's a win for Prongs at the end" he shrugged, "d'you think he actually has a chance with her?" Remus chuckled.

"If there's somebody that could have a chance with Lily Evans, it's definitively James Potter" he commented, not wanting to put out the girl's thoughts on James.

"If I ever have a crush on someone like that you punch me in the nose before I embarrass myself," Sirius said standing up from the bed and going to his own.

"Alright, deal, I've been wanting to punch you on your perfect nose since the first day we met" Remus commented.

"Oh, you think my nose is perfect?" Sirius exclaimed dramatically, placing a hand on his chest.

"Shut up" Remus threw him a pillow and finally rested his head over the other one left.

"Good night, Moony" Sirius said. Traces of laughter still lingering in his words.

"Night, Pads"

That night wasn't an easy night to sleep. He kept going back to Sirius' story and Dumbledore's threatening tone. The secrets that school held were probably worse than he thought.

February 19th, 1996

Sirius was off the next morning. Remus couldn't put a name on it, he didn't look sad or mad, he was just off. Different.

He didn't talk that much when they were getting ready for school or tried to put music in his record player. Even when he saw James on their way to the castle he didn't appear that cheerful as he always did when he saw his best friend.

On the table, James chatted excitedly about the match against Hufflepuff the next day while Sirius just limited himself to picking the raisins out of his muffin and throwing them on the table

"...and since Slytherin beat Ravenclaw last week, we just need to win tomorrow's match to get into the final," James said, biting into his scrambled eggs.

"Uh, that's great! I know you will win, Prongs" Peter assured and James smile widely.

"Yeah, we will Wormy, the only thing that we need is for this lad right here to control his big mouth" James caught Sirius in a headlock and Sirius started to push him away with a small chuckle.

"Fuck off, Prongs" he laughed a little and shoved James hard, getting out of the lock "branleur" Sirius insulted him with a smile.

"Cabrón" James said to him with the same cheeky expression. A smile finally appeared on Sirius' face and Remus thought that anything that was bothering the boy was probably forgotten already.

"Oh, Pads, is it your cousin's birthday today?" Peter mentioned looking to his right, they all turned their heads in that direction and saw a table full of Slytherin students from the year above, between them there was Malfoy and Lestrange. Malfoy was surrounding a blond girl who had an expression similar to that of a grown woman, stern and regal. Infront of her there stood a couple of gifts but the girl didn't seem really interested in them.

"Yeah," Sirius said in an uncaring tone "I'm s'posed to wish her happy birthday or whatever but I don't think I will" he shrugged and laid on the table over his arms. Remus wouldn't blame him for not wanting to talk to her, he wouldn't either if he had that family.

"Hey, why don't you come down the field this afternoon? We're having a practice and after we finish we can play a little match" James suggested, looking at Sirius.

"Alright," he nodded lazily.

He didn't see Sirius after breakfast, not until English at the fourth hour. The boy looked a lot happier than he had been in the morning, he figured those were the doings of the great James Potter in the previous classes.

At lunch, everything was back to normal, James, Sirius, and Peter talked about tomorrow's Football match while Remus just sat in silence and listened to them discuss things he hadn't had the slightest idea about. Everything was great until somebody walked to the table, making the four of them look at him.

He looked too similar to Sirius, same aristocratical features, the same raven hair -only that his was much shorter, right below his ears-, and the eyes, the eyes were the same bluish-grey as Sirius', only that his didn't carry that tint of mischief and life Sirius' had. He also was shorter and skinnier than him. Remus knew immediately who he was.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius spat, scowling at his younger brother.

"Je voudrais vous parler en privé" he said only staring at his brother. He wanted to talk in private with him.

"Really?" Sirius scoffed, eyeing him with disdain "If you want to tell me something you can do it here in front of them, and save the French" his brother glanced at them with a dead expression, as he couldn't care less about their presence.

"Alright then" he talked "Narcissa's birthday celebration is tonight at 7, you are expected to come" his voice was also different from Sirius', he was slightly higher pitched, with a more noticeable French accent. It was steady and monotonous like it came out of a robot instead of a human being.

"Am I now?" Sirius laughed bitterly, in his eyes there were licks of flaming fire, whereas his brother's eyes were as cold as ice.

"Mother and father said you ought to be there tonight, it's a Black family celebration"

"Of course, Reg the little messager boy from mum and dad," Sirius said with irony, Remus could tell every letter of every last word had venom in it and they were directed only at his brother "I'm not going, you can tell them that"

"You're acting like a child," his brother said, his grave expression remaining unchanged.

"One of us has to" Sirius gritted his teeth and Remus caught the faintest reaction in his brother's eyebrows.

"Alright, whatever you like" he stepped back "but don't be whining when you suffer the consequences" his brother walked away.

Sirius was left breathing rapidly, with his fist clenched around his fork and his eyes glossed over with rage and sadness. He banged the table loudly, making some people jump -including Peter-. He got up, grabbed his bag, and stormed out of the Dining Hall. James went after him and Remus thought of doing the same, but even if he did he didn't know what to do to make the situation any better.

Whispers and glances commenced the second he got out, and Remus just turned to where his brother had gone. He was sitting down at a table with two other boys and two girls, he didn't look any different from what he did when he was talking with Sirius. It was like the boy's expression didn't change.

Sirius' brother appeared heartless and cold, and the way he acted towards Sirius made Remus dislike him immediately. Judging by what he had said about his family he didn't think Sirius' brother was that different from the other twisted members.

Remus then noticed he didn't know his brother's name. He thought that he may have not known Sirius had a brother until that moment if Sirius hadn't mentioned it once way back. He never talked about him.

"That was Sirius' brother" he observed and turned to Peter.

"Yeah, Regulus" he nodded.

Regulus. Regulus Black. He repeated in his head.

"They hate each other" Peter added.

"I gathered that" Remus nodded and tried to finish his lunch but two sets of bluish-grey eyes had sabotaged his appetite.

James came in a couple of minutes later with a worried expression, saying he couldn't find Sirius anywhere. Remus told him that they had History for the next two hours and that maybe they could wait for Sirius to appear in the classroom, but it wasn't probable. Sirius didn't have the best assistance record to beging with.

As he figured, Sirius didn't appear. He spent the two hours alone and wondering where the other boy was, he didn't even mind the A he had gotten on their last test. He wanted to know if Sirius was alright.

After classes, he went directly to his room. It was empty and quiet. He knew James was in Football practice and Peter at Chess Club, Mary, and Marlene had said something about going to Drama Club to practice the upcoming play and he saw Lily walking with Snape to the Library, and Sirius hadn't been seen in hours; so there was no one to be with.

He resigned to be alone with his homework that afternoon. It was either doing McGonagall's exercises or studying French for the test on Thursday. It was like deciding which poison to take. In the end, he had chosen Math, at least he understood most of the things in the paper, unlike French.

Some time passed and somebody opened the door all of the sudden. Remus was hoping it would be Sirius but it was just a sweaty James Potter with training clothes.

"Is Sirius here yet?" he peaked his head inside.

"Uh, no" James opened his eyes widely.

"It's almost seven! You haven't heard of him?" he asked alarmed and Remus checked his watch. He had been too focused on his homework that he hadn't noticed when the sun had set.

"I didn't notice" he jumped off his chair and grabbed his jacket.

"Vamos, we need to find him" James hurried down the hallway "what if he's hurt or something?"

"D'you think he could hurt himself?" Remus questioned, feeling ashamed of not having cared that much to look for Sirius before.

You're a bad friend.

"I don't know, let's hope not" James came down the stairs quickly and Remus followed him. When they got to the Common Room they stumbled upon Peter entering the Building.

"Hey, lads-"

"Sirius. Search. Now" James demanded and the shorter boy didn't think twice before joining them.

"Have you checked the rooftop? He likes to be there sometimes" Peter asked, nervously, and they stopped on their feet.

"I was thinking down in the fields, maybe he was looking for me and I didn't see him" James inquired.

"Let's split, we'll cover more area like that" Remus suggested and Peter walked back to Lion, James to the fields and he decided to look into the school as a last resort. That was the last place they had seen him anyways.

It was a little bit dark, the streetlamps were the only light available on the path towards the school. It was also Dinner time soon, so a hoard of students was walking the same way Remus was, making his job a lot more complicated. He scanned the faces as he passed by rapidly, dodging person after person. None of them were Sirius.

Fuck Sirius, where the fuck are you?

He pulled aside, letting the people walk past him. He hoped James and Peter had already found him, but after waiting for some minutes beside the path he didn't see any of the three other boys. He bit the insides of his cheeks and tried to think of places where the other boy might be hiding.

The music room, he thought suddenly. He likes being there.

He ran immediately towards the castle, using the training Victoria had put him through for the last month finally for something useful.

He got to the Music Classroom and opened the door slightly. A thin sliver of light peak through the door and shone over the dark classroom. He squinted his eyes and saw a lump right beside the piano. He stepped inside and made out the shape of a boy, hugging his legs to his chest and his head stuck between his knees.

"Sirius?" his voice echoed around the room, the boy lifted up his head and looked at him with a frown.

"Moony? What are you doing here?" he asked weakly. Remus walked towards him and stood beside him.

"We were looking for you, James' worried sick" he pressed his lips together.

"Oh," he pulled his eyes away and pressed his chin over one of his knees.

"Have you been here the entire time?" Remus looked around, the pitch-black classroom wasn't exactly the most comfortable-looking place in Hogwarts.

"Just when classes finished...hid in the loo before that" he explained vaguely, his voice was tiny, very unlike him. He kept his eyes focused on an empty spot on the wall in front of him. He looked lost, similar to how he had been those days after coming from Winter break. Remus knew all of that 'reaction' had been because of his conversation with Regulus at Lunch.

Only his family could steal the light out of Sirius Black.

"Right" Remus checked his watch with the small light that was coming from outside "dinner's starting now, we should go"

"No" Sirius shook his head immediately "I want to stay here, you tell Prongs I'll be back before curfew,"

"Oh, alright" he nodded and walked to where Sirius was looking, sitting on the floor, right in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Sirius frowned.

"Staying here with you" he shrugged.

"What? No. You can go, I'm alright" he shook his head frantically.

"I won't leave you alone" Remus glanced at him pointedly and Sirius' expression softened. He looked sideways and didn't say anything else.

The room was dead silent, he could only hear their breathing and his own heartbeat. Remus didn't know what Sirius was going through at that moment, but he knew how much it hurt him.

"So, what's on your mind now?" Remus whispered.

"Y'know... the usual family shit" he gave him a sad smile.

"Your brother" Remus recalled.

"Yeah, we don't have the best relationship" he scoffed "don't really want to talk about it" Sirius shrugged.

"Ok, then we don't talk about it" Remus nodded and Sirius looked at him half-surprised.

"Alright," he said slowly. Remus put a hand in the pocket of his jacket and took out his cigarette box and lighter.

"Want to smoke?" he offered a cigarette to him and Sirius grabbed it with a faint smirk. He lit his cig and passed the lighter to Sirius after.

"That's 4 cigarettes now" he pointed out and Sirius opened his mouth.

"You were the one offering"

"You still owe me," Remus smiled and dragged "James probably is still worrying about where you are" he commented. Sirius gazed at him silently for long seconds. Those grey eyes that were filled with anger hours before now looked at him with a mix of curiosity and amusement. Remus wanted to know what was going through his brain at that moment.

"Let him worry," Sirius said in a soft voice, his eyes fully on his hazel ones. He dragged from his fag and blew the smoke to the side, looking away.

He started humming a song and Remus recognized it as the melody of 'Somebody to Love'. Goosebumps appeared on his skin immediately, remembering that night about a week ago.

He hadn't thought about it since. He didn't want to either.

He had blamed the weed the next day for tapping into some irrational fear inside him. It still made him uneasy how similar it had felt to that time when Seige had kissed him or when he was talking to a shirtless Miles back at the Ravenclaw party.

He thought that it could be just some subconscious reaction he didn't know about, like anxiety of some sort. His brain was fucked up enough, he wouldn't be surprised by anything really.

They finished their cigarettes, the silence filled in by Sirius' mumbled singing. They didn't need to talk and they were fine with that, Sirius was going through something and Remus was comfortable just sharing a cigarette with him.

He thought about how a single shared cigarette would've made a difference during those times he had suffered too.

Maybe company wasn't so overrated at the end.

After an hour they went back to Lion, James almost choke them for not telling him Sirius was fine, but in the end, he was happy and relieved to see that his best friend was alright.

Some time later, Remus was tucked away already on his bed, he was about to close his eyes when Sirius spoke.

"Moony?" he lifted his head and looked at Sirius "thank you," he said softly and Remus knitted his eyebrows together.

"For what?"

"For staying with me" he smiled slightly and turned off his lamp, making the entire room dark.

For the second night in a row, Remus couldn't sleep. He thought about Sirius and his brother; it was a similar situation to Lily and her sister, he guessed. Both had siblings that hate them. But the great difference was that while Lily still had some love and care for her sister, Sirius didn't, or at least he didn't show it. He wondered what had happened between the two. The looks Sirius gave Regulus were of resentment and hate.

How bad would you have to be to have your own brother hate you?

For the entire night, he couldn't catch any rest, his head kept turning around the things that had happened. He even heard Sirius getting up from his bed in the middle of the night and going to James' room.

Remus had always wondered what he would do there, would they talk? Would James help him get to sleep? He wanted to ask but he also knew it wasn't his place. He stayed up for an hour after that just out of curiosity, trying to see if Sirius would come again, but he didn't, and after that, he eventually fell asleep.

February 20th, 1996

The air that Wednesday morning was buzzing with excitement, that evening the final of Hogwarts' Football Cup would be defined. It would be either Slytherin versus Ravenclaw or Slytherin versus Gryffindor. As a result, James was more electric and energized than usual. He wore his jersey and lucky socks that morning. He even made everyone on the team put on their jerseys so they would have a bigger chance of winning.

Sirius was in a much better mood that morning as well. He cheered James up and talked with him about plays and positions they should do. He was doing his usual job as a commentator that day and was already preparing himself for any comment about Dalia the other commentator would throw.

The drama between the two had died down as soon as the problem with the girls at Valentine's became more important, but there obviously were people who still took interest in the issue, especially those who wanted to see if the 'infamous-hearttrobe' Sirius Black was single or not (Marlene's words).

"Hey, Moony, Lily's going right?" James asked suddenly stopping his conversation with the other two boys.

"Oh, yeah, we're going together"

"Great, great, would you guys seat at the center of the stands?" Remus let a frown slip at the request.

"Sure, Prongs" he nodded slowly and continued eating.

At the time of the game, he followed James' request and he sat with Peter and the girls in the middle. He had on the sweater James gave him for Christmas and, this time, he let Marlene paint lines on his cheeks to show more his 'Gryffindor spirit'.

The match started with the usual coin toss and the two captains shaking hands. The ambiance around the field was less aggressive than the last two matches, but there still was the nervousness of knowing that Gryffindor had to win this one by a lot of points to get to the final against the Snakes. Everyone was too focused on the plays, even Sirius, who didn't comment as much as usual.

Around the middle of the first half, Patil scored a goal and the Gryffindor stands went crazy. Sirius yelled 'goal' loudly on the megaphone and Peter and Marlene jumped together, screaming excitedly.

"It was a good goal" Lily commented with a huge grin on her face, her eyes fixed on the field. Remus smiled in agreement.

The game went on and before the first time was over, Gryffindor scored another goal, thanks to Woods -with an incredible assistance from James-. As the second half started the Hufflepuff captain, Finch-Fletchey, scored and the yellow stands hollered.

The game went cold for a little while after that, until, suddenly, James broke through two Hufflepuff forwards with a quick move of his feet, he ran from the middle of the field to the other zone, dodging every Hufflepuff player alone.

"James's got it, James's running for it" Sirius yelled at the megaphone.

James kicked strongly a couple of meters before the penalty box and the ball got into the goal beautifully.

"Goal!" Sirius screamed and the scarlet stands erupted in cheers and shouts. Marlene and Peter went absolutely crazy, Remus hooted and clapped for his friend and Lily jumped and yelled as if she was the biggest fan of Football.

James ran across the field with a huge smile and pointed at the center of the Gryffindor stands, exactly where they were. Remus opened his mouth slightly, now understanding why James had insisted they sat in the middle.

"Did James just dedicate the goal to you?" Mary asked, grinning with excitement.

"Please, he pointed at the stands it could've been anyone" Lily rolled her eyes "he probably dedicated it to the House" Remus bit his bottom lip to prevent a cackle from coming out.

The game ended and it was a victory for the Lions at 4-1 (Woods had scored another goal almost at the end). And in old Gryffindor fashion, they held a party at Lion Building. The boys in the team were absolutely euphoric with the win, they would go to the final now and compete, once again, with the Slytherins. James pranced around the Common Room talking with every single person he came across about the match. Some students from the Hufflepuff House even came to the Building, wishing the team good luck against the snakes and -of course- drinking the booze available.

Remus was with the girls now, Peter had gone with another boy to talk about the match and Sirius seemed more interested in Keyla, the Hufflepuff girl who commented on the match with him that day.

"So, James dedicated his goal to you, Lils" Marlene mentioned with a cheeky smile.

"God! For the last time, it wasn't for me" Lily groaned.

"Well, James did ask me that we sat in the middle today" Remus revealed and Lily raised her eyebrows, surprised. Mary and Marlene widened their eyes and looked at each other, excited.

"He asked you that?!" Mary exclaimed "I told you it was for you" she pricked Lily's ribs and the redhead swatted her hand.

"Stop!" her fave was becoming redder and redder by the second.

"Oh, our dear Lily has a crush" Marlene teased and Lily scoffed.

"As if! It's nothing, and you know how I feel about James Potter" she looked at them pointedly.

"Yeah, he's an annoying boy with the maturity level of a toddler," Mary said as if she was repeating something from memory.

"Yes," Lily nodded.

"And he has an ego so big it could be distributed to everyone in Hogwarts and it would still be too much" Marlene added in the same tone.

"Yes," Lily nodded again, with a pleased smile.

"And that he has amazing arms and he's totally fit" Mary blurted out.

"Yes," Lily said and immediately opened her eyes in realization. The two other girls gasped and started laughing "Wait no. Mary!" she scolded and Remus started laughing too. Lily slapped Mary's shoulder and the girl stepped away, still howling.

"C'mon Marls! Before she kills us" Mary said between chuckles and extended her hand to the blond.

"You two!" Lily muttered as the other two walked away. She turned around, frowned at him, and slapped him in the arm softly "And you? You think this is funny?" she scolded but the corners of her lips quirked up.

"Jus' a little" he chuckled.

"God, you three are going to drive me crazy with that matter" she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Is just teasing" he shrugged.

"I know, I know, still..." she looked away, Remus notices her eyes went exactly to where James was.

"Do you like him then?" he questioned carefully.

"I don't even know" she admitted, with a small sigh "he's nice and sweet, but I don't know, I've spent all these years hating on him that there are some things I can't get past over"

"Like what?" Remus knitted his brows together.

"For example, his stupid feud with Sev, it's been going on since we were 11, and I thought eventually they would grow up and stop that, or just find somebody new to pick on, but they all continued to torment him all these years" she pressed her lips together and looked at him.

"Well, he's not that innocent either" Remus slipped the comment and Lily scowled immediately.

He should've known better. Mary and Marlene had warned him not to discuss Snape with Lily, it would lead to nothing. But somehow he couldn't let her defend the prick without saying at least something about him.

"You sound just like them" her voice sounded hurt, sort of betrayed.

"I'm sorry Lily, but that git is an arse" he admitted, he knew he should shut his mouth at that moment, but he couldn't.

" 'That git' is my friend, Remus. Just like you, just like Marls and Mary" she responded, starting to sound a little bit angry now.

"I don't know how you're friends with him honestly" he shook his head and she parted her lips, almost offended.

"That's rich coming from you, I could say the same thing about your friends, they aren't exactly innocent angels either" she pointed out "you used to hate Sirius too but now that you're friends he's alright and can be mean to anyone but the moment Sev tries to defend himself suddenly he's the bad guy?" Remus pressed his lips together and said nothing. He had never argued with Lily before, and he didn't want to ruin their friendship just because of Snape.

It wasn't worth it.

"I'm sorry Lils, let's just stop talking about this alright?" he said, hoping the girl wasn't already too mad at him and revoke his 'best friend' title. Lily looked at him for some seconds and then sighed tiredly, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Yeah, let's stop, I've already discussed this with Marls and Mary too many times...it never ends well" she shook her head "I'm grabbing a soda, want something to drink?" she offered.

"No, I'm fine" he signed at his almost full bottle of beer and she walked away to the kitchen. He looked around and saw Sirius shamelessly shoving his tongue down Keyla's throat in a corner.

Disgusting.

He then spotted James and Peter together and moved to them.

"Moony! Haven't talked to you yet! Did you see my goal? Did you like it? And my assistance? It was bollocks" James said so quickly Remus almost didn't understand him.

"Yeah, Prongs it was nice" he chuckled. James started explaining the play of his goal with huge arm movements and sounds, and Remus -even though he didn't know a single term- stood there and enjoyed the story.

Lily came a minute later and James' face lit up completely at the sight of her.

"Hey, Lily" he grinned, his dimples showing up beside his mouth "how are you? Enjoying the party?"

"Yeah, yeah, congrats on the win" she smiled.

"Cheers," his eyes twinkled "did you like my goal?"

"Yeah, very cool" she nodded still smiling and playing with the cap of the can in her hands.

"And did you see the other thing?" he leaned a little bit closer to her "after the goal"

"The dedication," Lily said and James nodded.

"Yeah, exactly. What did you think about?" he scratched the back og his head nervously.

"Uhm, it was nice, yeah," she said without much emotion. James' expression fell a little bit but he still held a smile.

"Oh, good, good..." he looked away, clearly disappointed. Remus didn't like to play matchmaking, but looking at that was physically hurting him, too much secondhand embarrassment for his liking.

He would help his friends.

"Uhm, Prongs, shouldn't you clarify to who you dedicated that goal?" he suggested, forcibly. James raised his eyebrows and Lily shoot him a warning.

"Oh...it was for you, Lily," he said softly and the girl widened her green eyes. She glanced back at Remus and he gazed back with an 'I-told-you-so' look.

"I didn't know it was for me" she confessed to James and his face filled with realization.

"Yes, I wanted to dedicate any goal Id do to you" he shrugged, and the girl's cheeks started turning red slowly.

"Oh, thank you" she grinned widely and James stared at her with shimmering eyes. Remus glanced back at Peter with a knowing look.

Their little moment was cut short then by a commotion on the other side of the room.

"You are the most self-centered idiot I've ever met!" Dalia Grimshaw was shouting at a, very messy-looking, Sirius Black. Most of the people present were looking and whispering already.

Oh, shit.

Remus turned back at the other and they too were looking towards the scene with concern.

"You literally broke up with me a week ago and now you are with a girl from my own house?! That's low, even for you!" she yelled at him, but Sirius didn't seem to react, he looked frozen in his spot, his eyes lost and his lips slightly parted.

"We should go there," James said, and Remus followed him and Peter to where Sirius and Dalia were.

"Hey, Dalia" James smiles at her but the girl just sent a deadly look his way "hey...uhm...I'm sorry about that, really" she crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow at them.

"I want him to tell me that" she pointed at Sirius with her head. James turned to his best friend and waited for some seconds before elbowing him.

"Pads?" Sirius' eyes flickered like he was coming out of a trance.

"Oh, yeah...I'm sorry" he mumbled and Dalia laughed bitterly.

"You're so fucking drunk, how rare," she said with sarcasm and Remus glanced at Sirius, he frowned slightly at that.

"Yeah, we're taking him to his bedroom, let's go" James signed at Remus to help him carry Sirius up the stairs "Wormy, grab some water, please" Peter nodded and ran to the kitchen.

They pushed Sirius to the stairs and Remus saw Dalia walking out of the building with some of her friends beside her, it was safe to say that she didn't get the apology she was looking for that night

"Hey, I'm fine," Sirius said while they were going to the first floor "really guys, I'm alright" he insisted, but they still didn't let him go.

They got to room C-12 and laid Sirius down on his bed. James removed his Converses and then the rest of his clothes, leaving Sirius just with his boxers and his band tee. Remus thought that he never had met somebody as thoughtful and caring as James, even when the girl he fancied was talking to him, he dropped everything just to save his best friend. He was too good for him, for any of them probably.

Peter came seconds later with the glass of water in his hand and gave it to James. He kneeled beside the bed and made Sirius drink a little, putting the glass on the desk after that.

"You lads go back down, I'll stay here with him," James said.

"No, I'll stay, don't worry" Remus shook his head.

"Are you sure?" James asked.

"Yes, it's my room anyways" he shrugged "also, I think you still have things to talk about with Lily" he smiled and James' lips quirked up. Before Remus could react James pulled him into a quick hug.

"Thanks, Moony, love you!" he said before getting out of the room with Peter and closing the door behind them.

Remus laughed a bit. James had probably been one of the first people that had said that they loved him in a very long time, and he probably didn't even realize it.

"So he's going good with Evans then" Sirius' voice sounded hoarsely around the dark room.

"Yeah" Remus walked to the bed and looked at Sirius "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I told you tossers I was fine" he sat himself up, his voice was a little bit slurry "just a little bit drunk, nothing I can't handle" he grinned and Remus rolled his eyes.

"So you let us drag you up the stairs and James remove your clothes even if you could do it yourself" he arched a brow at him.

"Why do something if somebody else can do it for you" he sang and Remus looked at him deadpan "Come. Sit" he scooted over to the other side and patted the empty space on his bed beside him. Remus frowned and he was about to question why but he knew that anything he asked would receive an answer from a half-drunk Sirius.

He removed his boots and threw them to the other side, before sitting on Sirius' bed. He had never done that before, and he didn't know why he was so surprised to find out that the mattress felt exactly the same as his. Somehow he couldn't imagine himself sleeping on the same mattress as the great Sirius Black, French heir of whatever; he had sort of imagined him having an exclusive mattress that came from some exotic place. But no, it was the exact same average mattress as his, as every single one at Hogwarts.

"You know, my cousin talked to me today," Sirius said out of nowhere, Remus turned to him, "she asked me why I hadn't gone to her birthday dinner...as if she cares" he laughed bitterly "she only cares that I'm there because it means I don't want to be a part of that anymore, and they can't have that"

"What did you tell her?"

"That she and my brother and her stupid boyfriend can go fuck themselves...in French of course," Sirius said casually and Remus snorted.

"Of course"

"Now I'm just waiting for my parents to call and curse me in three different languages" he shrugged "you know, one time..." he paused suddenly "Wait, why am I the one who always has to talk?"

"I mean, you love to run your mouth every bloody day," Remus said with a chuckle.

"But I want you to talk too" he protested "I feel like I've told you a lot about me but I barely know anything about you" Remus frowned.

"You're being dramatic"

"No, I'm not!" he said "well...maybe just a little, but I'm also a bit drunk" he laughed "but really, I want to know you better, like I know James and Peter" Remus hissed internally.

He couldn't give Sirius that. He knew too much about James and Peter, if he knew that much about him it wouldn't be good.

"Please?" he asked, his pupils big like a puppy. Remus wanted to be mean and just say no, but they were friends and he couldn't blame him if he wanted to know more about him.

"What d'you want to know?" he sighed and Sirius grinned like a little kid who just got exactly what he wanted.

"Anything!" he exclaimed.

Remus decided he could tell him a few things. Stuff that wouldn't hurt anybody, leaving out the most damaged and dark parts of his past away.

"Well, I was born in Wales, the 10th of March of 1980" he started.

"Oh, your birthday is soon!" Sirius said.

"Yes, but no parties, Pads" he warned, putting a finger in front of his face, Sirius pouted "I'm serious"

"No, I'm Sirius" he barked a laugh and Remus looked at him with a blank expression.

"Really?"

"Yeap" he laughed "you can continue now, Mr. Lupin" he signed with his hand and Remus sighed tiredly.

"My social worker is Mr. Hernández but I call her Daisy sometimes because her name is Margarita" Sirius chuckled.

"I thought you hated nicknames"

"On me, I don't mind using them in other people" he rolled his eyes.

"But you like Moony, right?" Sirius asked as if it was the most important question ever, staring directly at him with a grave expression.

"Of course I like Moony," Remus said, looking back at Sirius, and the other boy smiled, pleased with the answer.

They fell into silence and then Remus clicked his tongue "My middle name is John" he revealed not really knowing why. Sirius turned to him with a cheeky smile.

"John?" he said, laughing a little "you have the two most awkward names of all times and your middle name is just 'John'?"

"Yeah," he rolled his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have told Sirius that.

"Remus John Lupin" he hummed "I like it"

"Well I don't really care if you like it it's my name anyways," he said shoving him a little.

"You wanna know mine?" Sirius arched an eyebrow.

"Let me guess, something from the stars too?" he turned to him with his eyebrow raised and Sirius nodded.

"Sirius Orion Black...the third" he announced in a grandiose voice.

"The third?!" Remus exclaimed "There are more Sirius Black's out there?" he made a face.

"There were. A long time ago" Sirius confirmed "Centuries, in fact. But there has been no one quite like me," he raised his chin, proudly.  

"Thankfully," Remus said with sarcasm and Sirius was the one who shoved him now.

"Wanker!" he laughed and Remus chuckled.

"Sirius Orion Black" Remus repeated softly, looking at the other end of the room.

"The third" Sirius corrected.

"The third" Remus rolled his eyes a chuckled again.

If Sirius ever tried to tease him for 'John' he will just tease him back for Orion 'the third'.

"Tell me something else," Sirius demanded, resting his head on the pillow beside him.

"Like what?" he frowned, searching in his head for more information that could be shared and not completely deprive him of privacy.

"Like a story" Sirius suggested.

Remus looked away, trying to think of a story to tell. He had many, none of which he would want to share with anyone really.

"Well..." he started "one time I was with these blokes from the orphanage and we wanted to smoke sum' cigs. This older bloke, Scratch, had a fake ID, and we were so convinced that the clerk at the store was going to believe we were 18. Mind you, Scratch was 12" Remus added and Sirius gasped a little.

"And how old were you then?"

"9, I think" he snorted and heard Sirius chuckling in the dark.

"Bad Moony, smoking so young is going to kill you" Sirius teased.

"Well I wasn't really thinking of living long" Remus huffed a laugh, trying to make a joke at a situation that perhaps shouldn't be.

He cleared his throat and tried to continue "Well, we got to the store and asked for sum' fags as one does. The man didn't even ask us for an ID" Sirius laughed "but then, when we were outside, a copper appeared and he must've had a problem with'us 'cause every kid at the End smokes since they're pretty young. But this lad insisted we gave him the fags and go to 'our parents' " Sirius gasped again.

"He did not tell a lot of orphans that!" he laughed once again.

"He did" Remus nodded, laughing too. Sirius' laugh was certainly contagious.

"That's foul"

"I know, but we were more concerned about losing our fags than that comment" Remus shrugged "we ran away immediately and the copper tried to follow us but we were a lot faster than that old man"

"Oh, poor old man!" Sirius said with fake worry.

"Nah, fuck that old man, I lost my trousers trying to hop a fence so I could lose him," Remus said and Sirius burst out laughing.

"Wait, you lost your trousers?" Sirius sat up and looked at Remus while cackling.

"Yeah," Remus chuckled at the memory.

"That's mental" Sirius laid back down, yawning "tell me another!" he insisted and Remus sighed deeply, looking for another story in the archives of his mind.

"Ok, this other time I went to school really really stoned" he rested his head back on the wall "I truly was fighting to go through the morning without falling asleep or laughing my arse at everything my teachers said"

"And why the hell did you do that?" Sirius asked with half a yawn. Remus sent him a look, the other boy looked tired already.

"I really don't know, I was 14" Remus shrugged as memories from that time flushed his brain "well, at the second class of the day I figured I could stay focused at one point and that would prevent me from falling asleep or laughing at anything anyone said" he looked back down at Sirius and saw the boy with his eyes closing slowly.

"Pads, you're falling asleep" he huffed a laugh. Sirius opened his eyes wide immediately and shook his head.

"No, no, I'm not! I was just resting my eyes for a second" he assured "continue" Remus knew he was just saying that so he could continue telling the story. It was a fact that the other boy was tired, Remus could tell.

"Alright...at the end of the second hour, everybody got up and left the classroom, but I didn't. I was so focused on the empty spot in the classroom that I didn't realize everybody else had gone already. Mrs. Howard was speaking to me and I didn't respond at all. She thought I had consumed mushrooms that day and was really worried. She..." Remus turned around and saw Sirius sleeping soundly. He snorted at the view.

So much for resting his eyes.

He got up from the bed, smiling and rolling his eyes, and walked to the bathroom. He didn't know why, but there was something strangely comfortable and amusing about sitting like that with Sirius. Maybe it was something in the dark.

Chapter Text

"I'm not used to being loved. I wouldn't know what to do"
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

March 1st, 1996

Remus had thought that there wasn't something as hard as Victoria's practices, but that was before he met Victoria's practices close to the competition. As the new month hit so did the exhausting and demanding training. The girl had her mind set on the cup that year since the year before they had lost against Slytherin by a millisecond. She was testing their level of endurance and speed to the point they were almost fainting every training session; she was especially keen on 'torturing' Caradoc -who had managed to save English thanks to Remus' tutoring and was behind by a couple of practices-.

"Wait, Rem" Caradoc breathed, holding into Remus with a shaky voice "I think I'm gonna throw up" he made a face, making Remus laugh. They had just finished practicing their last part of the training (relay) and the four of them were sweaty, tired, and with red faces.

"Suck it up, Doc, we're done for today" Victoria commented with a little smile, walking toward the benches. The practice had been a total success, meaning that the girl was in a good mood.

"Can you give me some" Remus signed at Hazel's water bottle and the girl nodded, passing it to him.

"Ugh, I was saying something in the air was making me sick" Caradoc commented all of a sudden and they turned to where he was looking at.

Up on the hill, walking down to the track field, there was the Slytherin track team wearing their matching emerald shirts. The group was headed by none other than Mulciber and Avery, and behind them, there were two other girls, one with dark skin and long braided hair, and the other with a golden complexion and a brown ponytail. There was something familiar about the first girl, but Remus couldn't pinpoint it just yet.

When Avery noticed Remus he hit Mulciber and signed him his way, walking ahead to where Remus was.

"If it's none other than the Fantastic Remus Lupin," Avery said with every ounce of sarcasm his short body could have.

The Slytherin boys hadn't messed with him for a long time, since their fight after the smoke bombs to be more specific. It seemed like the rivalry went cold between the two houses after that, but now, with the track competition and the Football Final so close, it was just natural that they went back to that.

"Yeah, want a kiss?" Remus responded annoyed already by the presence of the other two.

"Wow, what's with the feisty answer?" Avery raised his eyebrows surprised and cackled.

"I think you've been hanging around too much with those princesses, Black and Potter" Mulciber mentioned with a scoff.

"Honestly, I never thought Potter and a Black would hang around the lower class" Avery looked at him with disdain and Remus could feel every fiber of his being vibrating with the need to punch the guy, again.

"Hey, sod off!" Caradoc stood up from the benches, standing beside Remus.

"Now that's more like your kind Lupin!" Mulciber added glancing at Caradoc with a laugh.

"Don't fucking try me" Remus stepped closer to the two Snakes, looking down at them with his fist tight.

"Or what, Lupin?" Avery faced him with a wicked smile "You'll punch me again? Do it! And we can tell Dumbledore and get you expelled once and for all, and with you all of your kind" Avery glanced at Caradoc "Hopefully that way Hogwarts would be just like it once was" Remus stared at the poisonous green eyes of the other boy.

He remembered the feel of his fist against that same crooked nose he was watching, and he wanted to feel it again, he wanted to release the anger he felt inside him, he wanted to prove to them just how bad he could be.

But that would ruin everything for him, he knew that. Was it worth it a moment of release for his entire scholarship and freedom? At that moment it felt like it was.

"Why don't you two just mind your own business and get going?" Victoria said suddenly, scowling at the Slytherins.

"Oh, Vics, don't get all in a fuss now with me, luv', we're just messing around" Avery smiled at the girl nastily. Her expression didn't flinch a bit.

"It'll serve you well to know who you're dealing with, just saying" Mulciber shrugged.

"Let me worry about my team, you two worry about being good enough to come second place" Victoria crossed her arms and glared at the two with a serious face.

Avery smirked and walked closer to Victoria "Keep that confidence, darling, it looks good on you, is a shame that we'll have to get the cup just like last year" he put his face closer to her and Remus felt the need to yank him by his shoulders and hit him on the jaw.

"Avery, Mulciber" somebody called them, and all eyes were redirected to the tall Slytherin girl with the braids "stop fucking around," she said in an authoritative tone, much like Victoria's when she talked to them.

The two Slytherin boys glanced at them and walked away. The girl sent a small look to Remus and followed Avery and Mulciber to the other side of the field.

Remus then remembered when he had seen that girl before. She hung around with Sirius' brother, Regulus.

"Who's that?" Remus asked when the Slytherins were far enough.

"Dorcas Meadowes" Victoria answered with a little sigh as she grabbed her training bag.

"Aka, Vicky's worst nightmare" Caradoc commented.

"She's the captain of the Slytherin team and their star too" Victoria explained as she walked away "she was the one who made them win last year. She beat James" she looked at Remus pointedly.

"She's really good" Hazel added with a shy smile.

"She's not only 'really good', she's literally the best in every bloody sport there is" Victoria groaned in exasperation.

"You're good too, Vics, don't worry" Hazel patted her shoulder as the four walked to Godric.

"But how can I compete with her? She's like a goddess of sports or something'" Victoria threw her arms in the air.

"We'll get the cup this year, I can feel it," Caradoc said, walking back up the hill toward the campus "we have Remus!" he signed at him and the two girls turned to look.

"Well, uhm...thanks," he said feeling a little bit uncomfortable. He was truly hoping the other three weren't expecting him to be their salvation because he didn't think he would forgive himself if they lost because he didn't do as well as expected.

"We all are really good, that's why we're on the team" he added, and Victoria gave him a little smile.

"Yeah, I guess so" she shrugged.

When they arrived at Gryffindor Hall, the girls parted to Scarlet Hall and he and Caradoc continued toward Lion.

"Avery and Mulciber are a pair of fucking wanker, aren't they?" Caradoc mentioned with a cackle.

"Yeah, they are" Remus rolled his eyes " 'm sorry for what they say" he shrugged.

"Don't be, really" Caradoc huffed a laugh and surrounded Remus' shoulders as they went up the stairs of the building "when you are like us, just a pair of kind, innocent, working-class, handsome blokes..." Remus chuckled "In a place full of posh fuckers, you have to be used to the things toffs like Avery and Mulciber say"

"What did Avery and Mulciber say?" someone asked behind their backs. When Remus turned around he saw Sirius, James, and Peter just a couple of steps under them, all with curious looks.

"Er-" Remus looked at them and then at Caradoc. He stepped away from Remus and looked back at him with his lips pressed together; his smile disappearing at the presence of the other three boys.

"Uh, see ya' around" Caradoc clapped his shoulder and entered to the Common Room.

"Did Avery and Mulciber bother you again?" James asked with a worried expression, climbing one step closer to Remus.

"It's alright, it doesn't matter anymore" Remus shrugged and entered to the building.

Yes, he was angry. And yes he would punch the two Slytherins if he could. But he knew he shouldn't play with his options. Dumbledore and McGonagall had forgiven him for a lot of things, he didn't think he should ask for more. He had something good there in Hogwarts, and it would be a shame to lose it all just because of that pair.

"What d'you mean it doesn't matter anymore?" Sirius spoke, walking beside him.

"What did they say, Moony?" James insisted standing on the other side as they climbed up the stairs to their rooms.

"More of the same shit" Remus shrugged "how I'm a fucking yob and they couldn't believe you were hanging out with me" Remus was pulled away by his left shoulder and met James' face.

"They really said that?" he scowled.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter, Prongs" he shook off James' hand and walked to room C-12.

"We need to do something! They can't just say that and get away with it" Sirius exclaimed entering the room just behind Remus. He ignored the boy and just sat down on the floor and lay on the ground, exhausted.

"What do you suggest we do Pads? The last time we did something I literally broke Avery's face and the tosser is still bothering me" he said looking at the ceiling, his sweaty hair plastered over his forehead and behind his neck.

"Well, we could at least do a little prank on them" he heard James say.

"Oh, that'll be amazing! We haven't done a prank in so long" Sirius exclaimed.

"We did one at Valentine's" Remus reminded.

"Well, that was ages ago" Sirius clicked his tongue.

"It'll be just a tiny little prank, Moony, nothing big" James argued.

"Why I don't believe you two?" Remus said sarcastically.

"It'll be fun, you know you'll love it, Moony," Sirius said coming beside him and bending just a little, blocking half of his view of the ceiling with his face and hair.

"C'mon Moony" James came to the other side, blocking the ceiling entirely.

"Please, Moony?" Peter asked, stepping beside Sirius with a little smile.

"I'm gonna ban you three from saying 'Moony' if you continue with that shit" he warned, looking at the faces of his three friends over him.

"So is it a 'yes' or 'no'?" James asked raising his eyebrows with a smile.

"Does it make a difference? You probably would still do it" he commented.

"We're giving you the opportunity to have a say and tag along" Sirius grinned.

He rolled his eyes and huffed. He honestly was keen on the idea of pranking Avery and Mulciber, but he couldn't just agree with them so easily.

He had a character to maintain before them.

"Alright," the other boys smiled widely and shared victory glances with each other.

"But can it please not be today? I'm fucking tired" he closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Of course, it'll give us more time to plan anyways" James smiled.

"Well..." Sirius sang "I think I have an idea of what to do"

March 3rd, 1996

"Do you really think this is going to work?" Peter asked, carrying a bucket full of flour in his hands as they walked to Slytherin Hall.

"Of course, it will, Wormy. What's with the skepticism?" Sirius scoffed, shifting his bucket of fruit punch from one hand to another.

"Well, if you could tell us how do you plan to get only Avery and Mulciber to walk out the door at the same time" Remus commented. The bucket of flour he had in his hands was starting to weigh a little bit too much on him as they went uphill.

The night before, they had raided the kitchens of the castle again, looking for bags of flour. Sirius' prank was simple but practical, the only thing that bothered Remus so much was how vague the other boy was with everything. He just explained half of the plan to them and said 'trust me for the rest'.

Remus didn't like it one bit. Not that he didn't trust Sirius. He just knew how irresponsible and excessive the boy could be, and he was worried that the 'tiny little prank' could get them in bigger trouble.

"I have everything figured out Moony, we just have to hide and wait for them to appear"

And so they did. They went behind Snake Building and hid behind the bushes that lined the stairs. James and Peter went on one side while Remus stuck with Sirius on the other. Some Slytherins that were coming out of the dorms sent them looks but they knew better than to stand in the line of fire so they just kept walking to the castle.

Remus was watching the door carefully, waiting for the two Slytherin boys to appear when Sirius spoke:

"Could you please change that disturbed face you have on? You're making me think this is not going to work"

"I'm just...worried" he shrugged and Sirius rolled his eyes with a little smile.

"Why? When have I ever done something to make you be so concerned?" Sirius pushed him playfully and Remus looked at him pointedly "Ok, ok, fine, but this is a good 'Padfoot-idea' "

"Every 'good Padfoot-idea' is a 'bad Moony-idea' " Remus pointed out and then squirmed internally at the fact that he'd talked of himself in third person.

It was too egotistical for him.

Sirius laughed and opened his mouth to say something, but then his eyes shifted over Remus' shoulder to the door.

"Oh, there she is" he smiled wickedly and Remus turned around.

He saw none other than Tamara Nahdi -the commentator for the Slytherin Football Team- walking out of the Snake building, glancing behind her back. Seconds later, Avery and Mulciber walked out too, which was the signal the four were waiting for. Sirius grabbed his bucket filled with fruit punch, stepped out of the bush, and threw the liquid at the two boys at the same time James did the same on the other side. Remus and Peter were next, grabbing their flour buckets and emptying them at the pair from afar.

"What the fuck?!" Avery yelled angrily. He was covered head to toe with flour, the white powder sticking to his hair, skin, and uniform. Mulciber was the same.

"Oh shit" Sirius laughed hard. Mulciber looked up to where they were and his face went red under all the white.

"You!" he growled and Avery finally noticed them. The two boys began stomping down the stairs to get to them.

"Let's go!" James ran by with Peter on his side, both of them laughing.

"Hell, Avery, you look extra delicious this morning!" Sirius teased and he and Remus ran away, hearing the curses and the swearing of the two Slytherin boys.

Remus could only hear his and Sirius' laugh as they flew by Godric. The prank wasn't exactly what he wanted to do to the two Slytherins, but it was good enough to give him some satisfaction.

They saw James and Peter standing on the side of the road waiting for them, so they stopped and met them.

"God that was brilliant!" James shoved Sirius excitedly.

"I know, I know" the other boy had his hands up and an arrogant smirk on his face, so typical of him that Remus just rolled his eyes and smiled too.

"His faces, they were the best" Peter mentioned in awe.

"I told you lads you have to trust me" Sirius shrugged.

"How did you get Tamara Nahdi to help you?" James wondered.

"Well," Sirius turned his head and looked into the crowd of students walking to the school "Oh! There she is actually" Sirius stepped toward a group of girls and pulled aside one of them by the waist, carrying her near to where they were.

"Hey, beautiful," the boy said to Tamara. The girl turned around and met him with a little push and a smile.

"You! Don't ever do that again" she demanded. Remus noticed the people around looking at the two, probably already updating their 'Sirius Black gossip' of the day.

"You did great, thank you," Sirius told her in a low voice. His shining eyes and a flirty grin on her.

Remus felt like they were interrupting something.

"Well you still owe me," Tamara reminded him, raising her eyebrows.

"And I shall repay you, tonight" he pulled her by the waist even closer to him.

"You better keep your promise, Black" she warned putting a finger on his chest, her dark eyes hungry for him.

"I swear," he chuckled and leaned in to close the distance between them, but the girl placed a finger on his lips and pushed him away softly.

"I'm with my friends. I'll see you tonight" she broke away and walked to her friend group. James hurried to Sirius and slapped him hard on the arm.

"Ouch!" Sirius complained and rubbed the spot where James had hit.

"Why didn't you tell me you were snogging Tamara?" James questioned, his eyebrows pulled together.

"Well, it's sorta new" Sirius shrugged with a full-of-himself smile, and they resumed their path to the Dining Hall.

"I thought you were with Sofia" James mentioned.

"Nah, that was last week" Sirius waved dismissively. Remus was the one frowning now.

"I thought you were still with Kayla, the Hufflepuff girl" he commented and Sirius barked a laugh.

"Oh, Moony, that was February!" Sirius shook his head like he couldn't believe he wasn't up-to-date with all the girls Sirius was going out with.

"Hey, would you mind telling us the story of who did you get with Tamara at the table? I want to get fresh warm waffles" James pointed at the castle.

"Sure" Sirius laughed.

"C'mon Pete" James signed at Peter and the two of them bolted to the school. Sirius and he went silent, the other boy had a little pleased smile while Remus wondered what to say.

"So...Tamara?" he asked in a tone that was more of confusion than anything else.

"What can I say?" Sirius shrugged "She's gorgeous" Remus nodded, agreeing with him.

"So what? D'you like her now?" Sirius scoffed.

"Please Moony, it's just a casual arrangement" he stopped walking, making Remus stop as well and look at him "I think she's fit, she thinks I'm fit. We shag, that's the end of the story" he explained as if it was just a game of Football.

"Right," he said, but he really didn't understand the thought process of Sirius with those things. He thought that maybe he never would "I just never thought you'll be with a Slytherin girl" he chuckled.

"Me neither, but that's not important really. We'll probably get tired of each other in a week or two anyways" he shrugged again.

"Yeah, right" he nodded and looked away for a split second before going back to Sirius. The other boy was staring at him deeply like he was trying to find something behind Remus' eyes that wasn't there.

"What?" he asked, starting to feel a little self-conscious about his face.

Sirius smiled softly and looked away "You have flour in your cheek and nose" he tapped his own right cheek and Remus brushed off the flour in his.

Remus had been correct on how big would the news of Sirius and Tamara's relationship (or 'casual arrangement as Sirius had called it) be among Hogwarts' students. Not even their prank on Avery and Mulciber was as important as that. Everybody seemed either fascinated or displeased with the idea of the so-called 'Gryffindor's Heartrobe' being with a Slytherin.

Remus was just pleased it wasn't anything bad about his friend, as every other piece of gossip they had heard for the past month was. He was, in fact, having a good day that Monday. He usually didn't get much of those. He received an A from Indigo, who congratulated him on his work. Then D'vaux gave them the French exam they had done last week, which Remus thought he had flunked but, much to his surprise, he had actually gotten a B. Then, after classes, he had tutoring to go to, which meant 5 more pounds in his pocket.

He was finishing helping the Year 9 boy who had reached for tutoring when Sirius appeared.

"There you are Moony!" he smiled widely and walked to the table. Remus glanced at him and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, nothing" Sirius shrugged, pulled one of the chairs out, and sat down "I was just bored, James's in practice and Peter's with that weird lot from Chess, so I came to look for you"

"And why didn't you look for Tamara?" he asked, kind of annoyed that the other boy interrupted him.

"She's with her friends and I'm seeing her tonight anyways"

"I'm tutoring right now, Pads" Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, it's alright" the Year 9 boy talked, glancing between Remus and Sirius with flushed cheeks. He began gathering his stuff.

"Are you sure?" Remus questioned, looking at him.

"Yeah, yeah" he nodded shyly "thanks, Remus" the boy grabbed his bag and walked away from the table, leaving Sirius and Remus alone. Remus turned to the other boy with an eyebrow arched.

"What?"

"Nothing" Remus shook his head and grabbed his saddle. They walked out of the Library and as soon as they were outside Remus took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Give me one?" Sirius asked, smiling innocently.

Remus glanced at him, dragging from his cigarette "No"

"No?!" Sirius exclaimed as if it had offended him so much Remus had refused to give him a cig.

"That's for interrupting me" Remus shrugged, letting the smoke out, and continued walking to Godric.

"Oh Moony, don't be so evil!" Sirius protested poking Remus' ribs with his finger. He flinched and stepped away.

"Don't do that!" Remus frowned and Sirius smiled viciously.

"What? This?" Sirius poked him again, and then once again. Remus moved away each time, trying to avoid Sirius' hand, but the boy managed to find a way to strike him nonetheless.

"Stop!" Remus shouted and hurried his steps to get as far as possible from Sirius. But the other boy took it as a challenge and started chasing him.

Remus ran along the path to Godric with Sirius close behind. The cigarette in his hand was losing ash from all the movement, and Remus decided to stop once they had reached the campus. Sirius got beside him seconds later with shaky breath and a huge grin.

"Bloody hell" he chuckled, tiredly.

"I don't know what you were trying to do, but I'm faster than you, remember?" Remus teased and dragged from the cigarette.

"You tosser" Sirius shoved him playfully and Remus laughed.

He handed him the cigarette and Sirius took it with a little smile that showed he was successful in getting what he wanted in the end.

"Y'know?" Sirius let go the smoke from his mouth and passed the cigarette back to him "People are actually worried about me and Tamara being a thing"

"Are they?" Remus wondered as if had not spent the entire day listening to everyone around Hogwarts talk about it.

"Yeah. They're acting like I'm going to fall in love with her or something, and I will start telling her all my darkest secrets" Sirius made a horror face, making Remus laugh.

"That's what you are for" he added, pushing him with his shoulder. Remus passed him the cigarette slightly shaken by the answer.

Sirius dragged the cigarette "You and James" he corrected and gave the cigarette back to him "you two are like my secrets-keepers"

He and James.

It felt weird knowing that Sirius considered their friendship at a similar level to his and James'. Looking back at the beginning where they couldn't even stand being in the same room without wanting to kill one another, now there was Sirius telling him that only he -and James- had the privilege of knowing him more than anyone else could.

It was too strange. Also, considering that Sirius was the one who knew more of Remus than anyone else. Not Lily, not James, not Marlene, Mary, or Peter. It was Sirius who knew about his parents, who knew who was calling every first of the month to check on him, who knew he was playing a part, lying to everyone else but him. Sirius knew the 'true Remus'. Mostly.

Remus guessed that if he and James were Sirius' secrets-keepers, then Sirius was his.

But he would never tell him that.

"So, are you excited for your birthday this Sunday?" Sirius asked all of a sudden with a cheeky smile.

"It's whatever" Remus shrugged and smoked from his fag.

"Right, so I guess I'll tell the man with the bouncy castle not to come" Sirius joked and Remus frowned at him.

"Pads, I said no parties" he reminded him in a grave tone.

"I'm just taking the piss, relax" Sirius cackled as they climb up the stairs to Lion Building.

"Seriously, Sirius, no parties" he stared at him deeply.

"Alright alright," Sirius grinned "no parties. I promise"

March 10th, 1996

Remus was woken up that Sunday morning by the sound of the door opening and mumbled talking on the other side of the room. He opened his eyes a little bit and saw James and Peter over Sirius' side, talking to him. He opened his eyes a little more and notice the party hats and the blowers each boy had.

Oh no

He sat up immediately, making eye contact with Sirius first.

"Oh he's up!" the boy exclaimed and James and Peter turned to watch him too.

"What-"

"By the rules of the Marauders," Sirius began with a grandiose voice "it is mandatory for each member of the group to receive the annual sacred hymn to inaugurate thy birthday" Remus recalled the speech had been almost the exact same James had done on Sirius' birthday for months ago, so Remus knew exactly what would happen now.

"Prongs, would you do us the honours?" Sirius looked at his friend.

"With pleasure" James cleared his throat, "Estas son las mañanitas que cantaba el rey David..." he sang the exact same song that he had sung to Sirius, and Remus couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous and funny it all was. It had been years since he had woken up to something like that the morning of his birthday.

When James finished the song, Sirius and Peter blew the party blowers loudly and clapped.

"Happy Birthday, Moony!" James exclaimed and jumped to hug him tightly.

"Happy Birthday!" Peter joined too, happily. Remus froze, not really knowing what to do and feeling slightly suffocated by the embrace. The two boys broke away and Remus looked at Sirius, who was standing at the end of his bed with a smile.

"Happy Birthday, Moony," he said and Remus was thankful he didn't try to hug him too.

"Cheers," he smiled shyly, feeling his face hot thanks to all the attention.

"Here" James gave him a box wrapped perfectly with scarlet wrapping paper "open it!" Remus looked at the boy with his lips pressed together.

"I said no gifts" he frowned. After Sirius had told Peter and James, and then James had told Lily, and then Lily told Marlene and Mary; he had spent most of the week reminding all his friends that he didn't want gifts or a party for his birthday. That he was perfectly fine with just acting like it was a normal day. He hadn't had birthday parties and gifts for eleven years and he had grown used to it at that point.

"Just open it!" James insisted, too excited on his own to hear any protest from him. Remus sighed, giving up, and unwrapped the gift. Inside there was a dark blue knitted sweater with a full moon on the front.

Remus couldn't help but smile widely "thanks James"

"No hay de que" James grinned, showing the dimples on his cheeks "I thought that it would be perfect since you are 'Moony' "

"Open mine," Peter said, giving him a small box wrapped in brown paper.

"Pete" Remus looked at him gravely, but save any scold he had for his friends for not listening to him, and opened the gift. It was an ashtray with a pretty landscape on the bottom, Remus' jaw fell to the ground.

"Wormtail, did you make this?" he asked, impressed.

"Yeah, there's a kiln in the Art classroom" he explained "you and Pads are always leaving ashes around the room so I thought I'd make you one" he chuckled and Remus nodded.

"Thanks. Really" he smiled at Peter, and then his eyes switched to Sirius. He was expecting the boy to also have something for him -since James and Peter had gotten gifts each-, but he just stood there looking back at him with a little smile and his hands behind his back.

He had been acting strange throughout the week, coming to the room really late at night and acting overall suspicious. Remus thought that it was perhaps him being distracted with his new 'thing' with Tamara so he didn't comment on it.

Still, he was happy and surprised by being surrounded by the three boys and for the first time in a long time not waking up on his birthday and dreading being alive another year.

"Well, get dressed because we are going down to your birthday breakfast" Sirius hurried and Remus grimaced.

"Please don't make a big deal out of it" he pleaded, he didn't think he could handle all those people in the Dining Hall singing for him.

Of course, they made a big deal. Especially Sirius and James, who on their way to the Dining Hall kept reminding every single student they came across that it was his birthday. Remus just thanked each person with a shy smile and red cheeks. He wanted to kill both of his friends.

For breakfast, James had asked one of the cooks to make a special service of chocolate waffles just for him because 'Moony loves chocolate'. He had not finished sitting down when a pair of arms surrounded him from behind and a curtain of red hair fell over his shoulder.

"Happy Birthday, Remus!" Lily exclaimed with a wide grin on her face.

"Happy birthday!" Mary and Marlene said also giving him each a hug.

"Thanks" he smiled.

"We know you said no presents" Mary glanced at Lily and Marlene, the three girls had similar guilty smiles "but we got you presents!" she shrieked before putting a small basket full of chocolate in front of him.

"That's from Marls and me" Mary pointed out.

"And this is mine" Lily put on the table three books wrapped with a bow and little flowers on the top. He opened his mouth to talk but Lily was quicker "before you say anything, these are some of my old books, I annotated them for you" Remus smiled at the three girls.

"It's amazing, thank you"

"Well, move over, we're sitting here today" Marlene ordered Sirius, grabbing a chair from a table nearby. The seven of them cramped around the table, managing, somehow, to fix all of the trays into the surface.

It was a weird sight seeing the two groups together trying to maintain peace when it was an impossible task. Peter kept hitting Mary accidentally with his elbow, Marlene and Sirius spent most of the time bickering about which one of them was better at music -dragging poor Peter and an unimpressed Mary into the conversation too- meanwhile, James tried to talk over the hem to get Lily's attention, but the redhead was more focused on explaining Remus why she loved each and one of the books she gave to him.

As the day progressed more and more people came to say Happy Birthday, Caradoc and his friend Benjy, Victoria, Hazel, Emmeline -at which Sirius raised his eyebrows suggestively-, Frank, Alice and the other Year 13 Gryffindors; Miles and his friends -including Sage to Remus' horror-, and even people who he didn't know their names.

He'd had a hectic morning, so when James suggested going to the gardens to 'kick some ball', Remus accepted without thinking twice. Playing football wasn't really inside his Sunday activities but at least he would be as far away from other people as possible. The other three boys played for a little while he rested under a tree and started to read one of Lily's books.

They walked to Lion two hours later, the other three boys sweaty and with patches of green and brown all over their clothes. James was telling them about a trick his father did on one of his games when Remus fell a pair of arms yanking him from his side while another pair surrounded his neck, getting him into a headlock.

"Little Lupin!" he heard Xeno's voice near him "Happy Birthday!" Remus shoved him away, getting out of his grip.

"Happy Birthday, Remus!" Flynn said pulling him from his arms and spinning him. Remus stepped away and shook his head trying to get rid of the dizziness.

"Uh, er-cheers" he pressed his lips into a forced smile.

"You're a grown bloke now!" Flynn pressed his cheeks together, smiling and getting closer. Remus swatted his hands away from his face, feeling it a little bit hot.

"Fuck off" he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"So what? Are we getting rowdy at Lion tonight?" Xeno hit him on the shoulder.

"No, no" he shook his head.

"What? I thought Gryffindors liked to party hard" Xeno protested.

"Not this time, it's just a calm night" Remus glanced back at James, Sirius, and Peter who were just some steps over. They didn't know all his history with the two Ravenclaw guys, the drugs, the 'smoking sessions'. It was better if it stayed that way.

"Right," Flynn peaked at where the other three stood "well, if you want to go to Eagle tonight, smoke a little, pop some-"

"I'm fine" Remus interrupted, before he could finish his sentence.

"Alright," the other boy mumbled, surprised. He glanced back to the rest of the Marauders, squinting his eyes at something, then scoffed and looked at him again "then, have a good birthday, Remus" Flynn ruffled his hair and Remus pushed his hands away before the two resumed their stroll.

"They seemed to like you more than I thought" James commented walking toward him.

"They're just high" Remus shrugged, not wanting to talk about it.

"I don't like that Flynn lad" Sirius commented, frowning at the direction the two older boys went "he looked at us like we were the ones interrupting something"

"Again. They're just high" Remus repeated, rolling his eyes.

They went to room C-12 and played cards for a while until the clock hit 5 and Remus got up from the floor.

"Where are you going?" James asked watching him put on his jacket.

"My parents said they would call" he glanced over to Sirius, sharing a knowing look and the other boy pressed his lips into a small smirk.

"I'll be back soon, don't let Peter destroy you so bad" he signed at the cards.

"Please, I'm about to beat him" Sirius scoffed.

"Are you?" Peter draw a card from his hand and showed it to the other two. They made complaining sounds and tossed their hands of cards in the middle.

Remus chuckled "Good one, Wormtail", and he walked out of the room.

He walked into the Administration Building minutes later and stopped before Mrs. Greggs' desk.

"Great! You're here Mr.Lupin, nobody has called yet but I will connect it on phone 1 once they do" the secretary indicated and Remus thanked her before walking to the first phone in the line.

Mrs. Hernández said she called on his birthday at 5 pm the last time she checked on him. They had agreed on it after Mrs. Greggs had told Remus he ought to tell the person who called to set a specific date and hour for their calls because she was going to go insane looking for him around Hogwarts every single month.

The secretary made him a sign a minute later, to announce a call was waiting for him, and he picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Happy Birthday to you!" Mrs. Hernández sang on the other line. Remus pressed his lips together not knowing what to do but waiting for her to finish the song "Happy Birthday dear Remus, Happy Birthday to you! Wooho!" he heard her clapping.

"Thanks" he fell his face red, thankfully nobody else around could hear anything.

"How are you? How've you been?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Uhm, 've been alright" he responded "er-got some presents"

"Really? What did they give you?"

"A new sweater, some chocolates, and books" he skipped the ashtray because he knew she didn't like when he smoked, even though she probably knew he did it anyways.

"That's great, Remus, I'm glad to hear that" she could hear her smile and that made him smile too "so, I guess you've been behaving yourself, as always?" her voice went down from the high, energetic tone she had before to a more professional and serious one.

"Yeah, of course" he chuckled, remembering the 'tiny little prank' they had done to Avery and Mulciber some days ago.

"And I've noticed you're getting better grades in French," she said in an impressed tone and Remus felt warm all over his chest.

"Well, yeah, there's this friend, uh-Sirius, who's been helping me" he explained, shyly. He had never given her any name for his friends, but he thought maybe the other boy deserved some recognition for pulling him from the depths of failure in French class "he's French" he added.

"That's good, that's good" he heard her type something on her computer and then hum "well, I don't want you to steal more of your time so you can go back to your birthday celebration" she started and Remus was ready to peel the phone off his ear and hang up "oh, and Remus, are you taking care of yourself today?" by the tone she asked it Remus knew immediately what she meant. It had been soft and low, almost condescending. What she really wanted to ask was 'Have you been thinking about your parents? Have you been feeling sad or angry today?'

And then the answer was yes. How couldn't he? Even with all the distractions from his friends and the events of the day, he'd had his dead parents at the back of his mind since the morning, lurking like a dark shadow. A black cloud waiting to rain on his sunny day. Days like those were the ones when he missed them the most. He thought about what each of them would say to see him at that age. His mother probably would've caressed his face and hair and told him he'll always be her 'little boy' like she used to do every time she realized he was growing up. He wondered if he and his father would've planned something for that day, like going to a museum or buying more books, he was more mature now than he was when he went to those places with him as a kid. But he would never know. Not at 16, not at 18 when he'd be an adult finally, not at 30 or 50. He would never know what they thought of him, they would never get the chance of seeing him growing up, and he would never get the chance to tell them how much he loved them again. And Remus had a bad habit of swimming through all the fantasies in his head and the what would've been's.

"Uh, yeah" he whispered feeling his eyes prick with the threat of tears. He hadn't cried all day, but it was just right that he did right now.

"Well then, continued having a great day Remus. I'll call you on the 7th, same hour" she informed and Remus hummed, fighting the knot at the bottom of his throat "goodbye"

"Goodbye," he hung up. He stood there, breath shaking and a single tear rolling down his cheek. He wiped it immediately and looked up at the ceiling, trying to come up with other things to think about. He walked out of the building when he felt like he wouldn't burst out crying at any second, and ambled slowly to Gryffindor Hall.

The air was cold that evening and the sun was setting on the horizon, painting the sky in a pale blue. When he arrived at Lion he saw Sirius on the steps, leaning back on the railing with his hands inside the pockets of his dark jacket. He looked like he was waiting for someone.

Probably Tamara, he thought.

"Pads?" he raised his eyebrows at the boy. Sirius turned his head and grinned.

"Moony! You're finally here!" he walked down the stairs, getting in front of him.

"Why?" he asked carefully and frowned.

"Come with me, I need your help with something" he signed with his head and started walking away from the building.

"This is not one of your Padfoot ideas, innit?" he questioned, fearing what was coming already.

"Not quite" Sirius glanced back with a huge grin "come" he signed him again and the two walked to the space between Lion and Scarlet.

"What the hell?" Remus exclaimed as he saw James, Peter, and the girls standing near a bonfire with chairs around it, just like Lily's birthday.

"Surprise!" they all yelled. Remus walked up to them, mouth opened and eyebrows pulled together.

"I said no parties" he turned to James and Sirius.

When will they listen to him?

"This wasn't our idea" Sirius defended.

"We just fell victim to the devious plans of Miss Evans here" James added and looked at Lily. Remus turned to the girl with a frown.

"You?!"

"We're even now" she gave him a cheeky smile and went to hug him.

"And to be fair this isn't even a party, it's just a small gathering" Marlene pointed out and Remus sighed, knowing there was no escaping them.

"C'mon now, let's drink!" Sirius exclaimed and hurried to the seats around the bonfire.

"You're sneaky, you know that?" Remus said to Lily, smiling.

"Well, what can I say" she shrugged "you boys aren't the only ones who can pull something in secret" she looked at him pointedly and he laughed.

"Alright, Remus, I brought all of my sad music just for you" Marlene announced, grabbing her CDs "what do you want to listen?"

"Whatever" he shrugged, he was happy already with them being there.

"What's your favourite band?" Marlene questioned.

"The Smiths" Sirius answered before he could even open his mouth.

"Yeah, that" Remus confirmed looking at Marlene and then at Sirius.

"Well, The Smiths it is!" Marlene said before putting a CD on the player and The Queen Is Dead started playing.

They drink and talk for a while until Mary stopped the conversation in the middle of I Know It's Over.

"Wait, I don't want to be mean, Remus, but that music is quite depressing" she made a face.

"I told you to put whatever, I really don't care" he shrugged.

"Then what do I put on?" Marlene stood from her chair and walked to the CD player.

"Oh, Prongs! You should sing that song you were going to sing to Evans" Sirius suggested with a huge smile.

"No!" Remus and the girls exclaimed at the same time. James' grin slowly faded away.

"Just put Bowie" Sirius signed at Marlene. The blond searched among her CDs and put a new one in. Five Years started playing shortly.

"Why nobody wants to hear me sing?" the boy protested and Lily smiled kindly at him, putting a hand over his arm.

"It's a really kind gesture, James, really but..."

"We're not drunk enough" Marlene finished the sentence.

"Marls!" Lily scolded her and the girl laughed.

Remus gazed at his friends with a little smile as they got into an innocent argument about James' voice. He didn't think he deserved them, they were kind and friendly while he was not. They had made his day better, against his will that was; but a day that was sure to be filled with dread and sadness, they had turned around it and made it one of the best birthdays he had ever had.

They drank and talk more, until their words were starting to blur together and their laughs louder. Remus stood up and excuse himself from the bonfire, he was craving a cigarette and he knew how much Lily hated the smell, so he walked over to the street, near Lion. He lit up his fag and looked at the night sky, the moon was white and shiny on it, nearly in a third-quarter phase. The moon, who had seen him in his worst moments now was looking back at him in probably one of his best. Who would've thought he'd ever had one of those?

Guess I got lucky, he thought as if it was talking to it.

Some footsteps were heard behind his back and Sirius appeared around the corner, seconds later.

"Hey," he said as if it was the first time in the day they were seeing each other.

"Hey" Remus let the smoke out "wanna smoke?" he offered the cigarette, thinking that was the reason the other boy had left the bonfire.

"Sure" he grabbed the cigarette and dragged from it, "are you enjoying your small gathering?" he said putting emphasis on 'small gathering'.

"Yeah, thank you" Remus smiled and took the cigarette Sirius was giving him back.

"Well, it was Lily's idea" he shrugged, looking at the sky too.

"Still. I'm glad you didn't listen to me" he admitted, maybe because he was half-drunk already, or maybe because it was a pretty night that one and he felt happy about his life.

"I'm glad that you're glad then" Sirius chuckled and Remus passed back the cigarette but the other boy shook his head "Uhm...would you come with me? I want to show you something" he scratched the back of his ear and Remus frowned.

"What?"

"Just come with me" Sirius smiled, and Remus threw the cigarette on the floor and smashed it with his boot. He followed Sirius to Lion Building and into their room. He stood in the dark while the other boy searched for something on his desk.

"Here" Sirius handed him a pack of Marlboro Reds and Remus arched an eyebrow.

"A pack of fags?" he questioned.

"A gift for your birthday" Sirius nodded with a confident smile.

"You're giving back all of the cigs I've given you for my birthday?" he wondered, saying it out loud so Sirius could hear it too "You do know you owe me more than just a pack, right?" he chuckled.

"Well, these cost me double the price because I had to pay Woods to bring them from Hogsmeade so those count as two packs" he pointed out and Remus laugh.

"Right. You're still missing two spliffs" he shook his head.

"That's not the only thing," Sirius said slowly and looked away.

"What?" Sirius kneeled beside his bed and searched for something under it. Suddenly he took out an acoustic and Remus opened his eyes wide.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Music classroom," he said, tuning the guitar.

"You stole it?"

"Of course not Moony, I borrowed it" he pulled out the chair from his desk and pushed all the clothes he had over the seat to the floor. He never used it so he had turned it into a 'closet' for all the clothes that he used and weren't dirty enough to throw on the floor.

He sat down in front of Remus' bed and signed him "Sit"

Remus obliged, confused about what was happening. Sirius put the instrument on his lap and looked up at him.

"This is for your birthday, Moony" he announced before he started playing. Remus recognize the cords immediately, they had been everywhere for the past few months so he knew exactly what song it was.

"Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you" Sirius sang "by now, you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now"

Sirius' voice was a lot different than Liam Gallagher's voice. While Liam's was raspy and rough; Sirius' was smooth and light, with his French accent coming here and there sometimes.

It amazed him how the boy can sing strong, loud, and with high notes at one moment, and on the other, he could produce the softest and calmest notes ever.

Remus couldn't explain it well. It was like spiced tea with honey on his tongue, or the warm summer breeze under London's scorching summers, or the soft notes of a piano under an electric guitar. Fierce, emotional, and strong while being gentle and sweet.

"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me" Sirius sang, closing his eyes, feeling the song as he strummed the guitar "And after all, you're my wonderwall"  the moonlight washed him with silver light, making his pale skin almost white and his raven hair shine with a blue undertone.

Remus sat there the whole time, looking at Sirius absolutely and utterly impressed. His cheeks were hot just thinking about how Sirius had made that just for him.

It was a strange gesture, something that he had never received before. To others, it might even seem like a romantic action, but Remus knew it wasn't. Neither of them liked boys and Sirius probably did the same with all of his friends. He even acted with James as if they were a couple, so Remus pushed all those bad thoughts that told him were weird to the back of his mind and continued enjoying the song.

When Sirius finished and opened his eyes, Remus looked away immediately and thanked the darkness of the room for not revealing his red face.

"Well?" Sirius said.

"It was alright" he shrugged, like it had been no big deal, Sirius' lips parted slightly, disappointment appearing on his face "Not my favourite Oasis song" A smile crept on his face and Sirius understood he was just messing with him.

"You tosser!" he shoved him playfully and Remus laughed "I spent every afternoon practicing!"

"Oh, so that's where you've been" Remus raised his eyebrows and thought that maybe he didn't know Sirius as well as he thought.

"Yes, the guitar was easy, 'got it the first day" he shrugged indifferently and Remus rolled his eyes at the arrogance "but I couldn't get Gallagher's tone right, it didn't suit my voice" Remus chuckled.

"It sounded pretty good" he confirmed, wiping his hands on his jeans, they were clammy for some reason.

"Cheers, never thought I'd sing an Oasis song, but I did it, just for you Moony" he grinned at him and Remus smiled back.

"Thanks, Pads, I really liked it," he said sincerely, staring at Sirius' icy irises. The other boy bit his lip and then his face went a little more serious.

"Moony, what I said the other day was true" he began, his voice low and grave, like he was sharing an important secret "you and James are the closest friends I have. I feel like I can tell you both anything" Sirius switched his eyes between Remus', like he was looking for something in them.

Remus just stood there not really knowing what to say, so he said nothing. It wasn't like him to say stuff like that, he wasn't like Sirius or James who wore their hearts on their sleeves. He didn't know how to do it either. He could be feeling the same way but saying it out loud would be wrong and utterly forced on his part.

He just smiled at him, trying to tell him he felt the same way toward him without really saying it, and muttered "Let's go back"

Chapter Text

Too late to save us, but try to understand
The seas were empty, there was hunger in the land
We let the blind man lead the way too long
Easy to see where we went wrong
-Children of the Moon, The Alan Parsons Project (1982)

March 15th, 1996

The dark hallways of Hogwarts Academy appeared more of those of a gigantic maze that led you nowhere but to a terrible destiny than a top-tier boarding school.

Remus was rushing his way between the halls. He was being chased. He had found out something about Olivia, something they didn't want him -or anyone- to know, and now they were trying to kill him. Remus couldn't tell who it was. Was it Dumbledore? He didn't know, but the footsteps behind him were getting louder, each step marking a second closer to Remus' life being ended. He knew he had to make a run for it and escape.

Everybody had to know the truth, everybody had to see what was hiding below Hogwarts. What Dumbledore had been burying all of those years.

The problem was, he couldn't recognize the area he was in. He'd thought that he had memorized every single corner and hall by now, but apparently, that wasn't the case. He felt like he was walking in circles. The doors of the classrooms nearby were all locked and the windows were covered with a red-colored glass that prevented anyone from seeing to the outside. Remus couldn't even tell which floor he was at, and -for the life of him- he couldn't remember it either. His mind was in a complete haze. Like he had been high and gotten himself there, and now he was sobering up and trying to make his steps back without direction or guidance.

He grunted and walked faster down the extensive, seemingly, never-ending hallway in front of him. He found an intersection, it divided into two ways. Left and right. He couldn't recall which way he had gone before.

Was it right? He didn't know, but he had to make the decision fast, the footsteps were closer and closer each second.

He picked left.

The hall was pitch-black but Remus could feel a cold mist surrounding him as he passed by, much like breaking through a cloud of darkness. He found himself then in the middle of nothing, his eyes were all open but he couldn't see anything. Just blackness. He turned around desperately wanting to go back to the intersection and pick the right way before he can be caught, but there was only more darkness behind him. There was no way out.

The footsteps arrived in the hallway seconds later, but it was too dark to see who they were from.

His heart started beating hard and fast inside, making him deaf. He ran as fast as he could without any direction. He tried to touch the walls, maybe he could find a door or a corner to hide, but the walls had vanished.

"Help" he screamed, but his voice was swallowed by the darkness.

"Remus" he heard his name being called by a disembodied voice right beside his ear. Chills ran down his spine and before he could scream something grabbed his shoulder and shook it making him open his eyes.

He woke up with a jump. His heart beat as hard as he had in his dream. His head hurt and the back of his neck was damp with sweat. It took him a couple of seconds to adjust to the reality around him.

"Moony, are you alright?" Sirius asked beside him, his eyebrows slightly pulled together.

He blinked slowly and watched the front of the classroom. Binns was still talking about some other old king of England, just like he had been doing half an hour ago when Remus fell asleep.

He ran a hand over his face and turned to Sirius "Uhm, yeah" his mouth felt dry. His heart was starting to come down and Remus felt the rush of adrenaline seeping out of his bloodstream with it.

"Oh, the wanker of Binns told me to wake you up like seven times so I figure if I didn't do it he would send you to McGonagall or sum" he rolled his eyes " 'didn't want to wake you up from your beauty sleep" he smirked and Remus huffed a laugh.

"You honestly did me a favour, 'was having a nightmare" he shrugged and stretched his arms a little bit.

"Really?" Sirius raised his eyebrows "What about?" he asked, getting a little closer, clearly looking for a distraction from the deadly-boring History lesson before him.

"Well, Olivia and Hogwarts, it didn't make much sense, I'm just glad that's over" he shrugged again, and Sirius pressed his lips.

"Track practice is really killing you, innit? You've been sleepy all day, you almost fell down on your porridge at breakfast!" he noted with a laugh.

"Yeah, Vicky is going fucking all out this week" he sighed tiredly. He hadn't gotten any sleep for the last few days and it was showing up "The competition's on Monday anyways, so it's just a couple of days and then it'll be all over" he kept saying that same thing to himself but as each day passed it was losing power over him.

He just wanted to sleep for a year and not be bothered by anyone.

"I noticed. Every night when you walk through the door you come in like a bloody zombie," he cackled and picked up a pen from the desk "but I know you're going to win, I mean they have you" Sirius scoffed and Remus saw how he reached for his hand.

The moment Sirius' cold fingers touched the back of his hand Remus snatched it out like it had given him an electric shock. Maybe it was his icy touch or the unexpectant gesture, but his chest burst with panic the second his fingertips clashed against his skin.

"What are you doing?" he asked, frowning slightly. He wasn't mad, it had just caught him off guard.

He already knew there was something about Sirius' touch he found strange. He was fine with the usual shove or friendly pat on the back, but anything else -anything more intimate- made his skin tingle and his mind focused entirely on that point where his skin met his.

He knew it was a stupid thing to think. And it was his problem, not Sirius'. Sirius probably didn't overthink it as he did. He did exactly the same with James (and even more intimate). Remus just couldn't handle all that, he wasn't used to it.

It was just like when the girls tried to hug him or kiss him on the cheek. He simply repelled it.

"Oh, I wanted to draw something in your hand" Sirius shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Don't you have paper for that?" he questioned, arching a brow.

"I already used it all" Sirius slid down the two recently graded tests they had on their desks -both A's- and they were all filled entirely with little drawings.

"So you want to use my hand" he repeated.

"Yep," he grinned.

"Why don't you use your own bloody hand then?"

"Because it's not as fun" he laughed and grabbed his hand once again and put it on the desk. Remus hissed internally, tensing when he felt Sirius' fingers around his wrist but before he could protest or try to have his hand back, Sirius started drawing.

Remus felt the point of the pen softly prickling his skin as the other boy did his 'art'. He had his brows slightly furrowed and his lips pressed together, completely submerged in the traces, while Remus was trying to dissipate the heaviness inside his stomach as Sirius drew and got closer to him. He switched his eyes panicked to the rest of the class, checking if anyone was watching them. They probably looked ridiculous, he thought, and if it weren't because they were two boys -and friends-, people would assume things Remus rather not think about.

"Voilá" Sirius smiled and released his hand, finally. Remus, hurriedly, took it back, afraid Sirius might grab it again "look at it" the long-haired boy insisted.

Remus looked at his hand and saw a pretty drawing of some vines and flowers. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed Sirius had used two of his scars as the base for the vines, drawing the little leaves around them. He, somehow, had managed to make something Remus had hated all of his life into something pretty. He flickered his eyes to the grey ones of the other boy, trying to hold back the pressing in his throat.

"It's nice," he said, simply.

Sirius' lips quirked up in a huge grin "Cheers. Want me to do the rest?" he suggested, his eyes glittering with excitement. Remus glanced around and noticed nobody was really paying attention to them -or the class for that matter-; so he nodded softly and gave his hand back to him, allowing Sirius to grab it and continue his masterpiece.

Remus switched between looking at the drawing and looking at the other boy. He wondered how had he gotten to that point, he wondered if Sirius did the same with James or Peter. He probably did. Maybe Remus was reading too much into it. Sirius just wanted a distraction and Remus had been in the right place at the right time to give it to him.

March 18th, 1996

That Monday morning, when it marked the beginning of the eventful week to come, it was clear to Remus that Hogwarts' Sports Week was a big deal among all the students, even those who didn't participate in any competition. The energy was high and active, the halls, pathways, and campuses were decorated with the colors of the four houses. Each Hall in Godric had their own 'decoration committee that dedicated the entire weekend to make sure their buildings were the best of them all.

Gryffindor Hall was an explosion of red and gold, and the distinctive Lion insignia was plastered everywhere they could. Ribbons and garlands adorned the trees and windows, a huge banner with the slogan 'HEAR US ROAR' hung from the roof of each building, and outside of Lion Building, there was a dog-sized plush toy of a lion that one of the Year 13 boys found at Hogsmeade that Saturday.

"Let's call him Griffin" Woods had said that night, and 'Griffin' was left with that name since then.

Remus, on his part, was trying to fight the nerves that afternoon, as he waited for the time for the Track Competition to begin. He was with Caradoc, Vicky, and Hazel in the locker rooms. Classes had been cut short that day, as they would for the rest of the week as well, allowing them to prepare for the tournament that was set to be at 2.

"Vics could you please stop pacing around? Is making me nervous" Caradoc commented from where he sat. The older girl shot him a deadly look, one between wanting to kill the boy and wanting to run away from that place.

"Well you should be nervous because this is bloody important and if you fuck it up I'm going to make sure you don't wake up tomorrow, alright?" Vicky spat, putting her hands over her hips.

"God, alright, alright, I get it" Caradoc raised his hands innocently and when Vicky turned around he sent a complicit look at Remus who was standing beside him.

"You sorta asked for that" he pointed out and Caradoc let out a short breathy laugh.

"Yeah, I sorta asked for that" he nodded "and you? You look like you do this every day, aren't you nervous?" Caradoc shoved him playfully.

"A little" Remus shrugged, not really giving that much of an importance to it. Yeah, he was nervous, but not for the same reasons the rest of them were. He didn't really care if Gryffindor came first place or last, he only cared if he would do a good job. They were counting on his speed.

He kinda wished they didn't.

They were putting too much faith in him. A mistake truly. He always fucked up everything, that was who he was and he was used to it; the thing was, he didn't want to drag the rest of them to that. They had dreams and expectations. Remus didn't want to be the one to shatter them.

"I want to be like Hazel honestly, that bird looks like she's in her zen-zone right now," Caradoc commented and they looked up to the other girl, sitting across from them with a pair of headphones on and a Discman on her lap, she was calmly picking out the lint from her socks as she bobbed her head.

Thunder rumbled outside, making the four of them jump.

"Fuck, again?!" Caradoc complained, looking at the ceiling "Yesterday was pouring too. The track is gonna be a mess"

"We've practiced with rain before" Victoria mentioned confidently, but her eyes hid a glint of panic behind them. She checked her watch and gave a nod "Let's go warm up, it's almost time" she indicated, and they left for the track field.

Remus noticed a small crowd of students starting to arrive at the stands, organizing themselves into four different sections. The Slytherin team was already on the field, stretching and warming up with their shiny emerald uniform. He saw Mulciber and Avery trotting on the spot, awful smiles on their faces as they talked between them. Besides the two boys were the girls, Remus glanced at Dorcas Meadowes, she wore her braided hair in a ponytail and her face was sure and grave. Remus had seen her run a couple of times that week as their practice clashed together, and he now knew why Victoria was so afraid of the girl. She was truly a goddess in track. She ran so fast that if you dare to blink you could miss half of the race.

"Remus! Remus!" he heard some voice shouting from the stands, when he turned around he saw the girls standing close at the barricade. The three of them were waving frantically at him, wearing Gryffindor-themed clothes and Lily even carrying a sign in her hands that Remus couldn't tell what it said.

He smiled and jog to where they were "Hi"

"Hi!" they greeted with a lot of excitement.

"How are you? Are you nervous? Did you warm up already?" Lily asked and Remus chuckled.

"I'm fine, not really that nervous, and we were about to start warming up" he signed back to where the rest of the team was stretching.

"This is going to be so interesting, I've been dying to see what's all the fuss around your running. I keep hearing that you are as good, if not better than James" Mary commented with a smile and Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm better, I think we are all quite good" he scratched the back of his neck.

"As long as you beat Slytherin that's fine by me" Marlene shrugged, she had an attempt at Gryffindor's coat of arms painted over her left cheek.

"We'll see about that, there's this girl, Dorcas Meadowes, she's proper good, she beat James last year" he signed at Dorcas with his head and then heard Mary scoff.

"You talk to us about Dorcas as if she isn't the daughter of Sasha Keets"

Remus widened his eyes "The movie director?"

"The one and only" Marlene nodded, confirming was Mary was saying.

"She had her first major movie appearance at just the age of 5" Mary added "and she's like a little sports prodigy of some sort, she does it all" Remus looked back at the Slytherin girl, impressed.

"And she's a total bitch also," Marlene said.

"Marls!" Lily gasped, horrified.

"It's true! I stumbled into her once in the bathroom years ago and tried to make conversation, but she kept ignoring me, and I know she heard me because we made eye contact and all" the blond explained, scowling at the unpleasant memory.

"Marls you're a total bitch with almost every Slytherin you come across," Mary pointed out and Marlene rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't a bitch with her that time, I swear!"

"Anyways," Mary waved dismissively at the blond and turned to Remus again "do you have a plan to beat her?"

"Mostly just me against her throughout the whole competition" Remus shrugged and this time Marlene scoffed.

"That's ridiculous, you should put one of the girls against her, that'll be more effective" Marlene mentioned and Remus frowned, just discovering the unknown knowledge about running that the blond girl had.

"Really?"

"Of course. She beat James last year because he's like double her body mass. He might be fast but she's more agile. It will work better if you put Vicky, for example, against her, especially at the hurdle race" Marlene said and the other three were left looking at her with similar confused expressions.

"How do you know all that?" Lily asked.

"My mum did some Track and Field before getting into music" she shrugged.

"Remus!" he heard Victoria yell his name.

"I have to go back," he said to the three girls.

"Wait, Remus! Before you go, look at what we made" Lily said happily and took out the sign, it said 'REMUS' in big bold letters, surrounded by dozens of hearts. Remus felt his face starting to get red instantly.

"Oh, thank you," he said shyly, wanting to run away to his stretching and warm up now.

"We couldn't come here without cheering for our favorite boy" Lily added and that only made Remus feel a lot hotter in the face than he was before.

"Uhm, thanks" he cleared his throat not really knowing what to say about that "I have to go" he blurted out and walked away before his face matched Lily's hair more.

He resumed his warm-up, after a little lesson from Vicky about 'not getting distracted'. Sometimes he glanced over to the stands and caught a glimpse of the sign and his face would go red all over again. He also noticed that James, Sirius, and Peter were nowhere to be seen yet. But he knew they will go. They never missed a social event if they could help it.

When all the teams had finished their warm-up, Madam Hooch appeared on the field, making sure everyone was present and repeating the rules and several competitions that would take place that afternoon. Remus talked with Victoria about making some changes, following Marlene's advice, and even if the girl was apprehensive at first, in the end, she yield and they told Madam Hooch to change their names in the races.

There was a minute left to start the first race: Caradoc versus Mulciber and the other two participants from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff; when he heard his name being shouted from the stands again, only this time instead of a 'Remus' it was three sets of loud Moony's. He turned his head around and saw Sirius and James jumping over the fence of the stands, before helping Peter do the same and trot over to where he was.

Remus opened his eyes alarmed and walked toward them.

"You tossers, the race's about to start!" he scolded but the three had huge grins on their painted faces.

"We had to see you before!" James exclaimed.

"The Marauders have to stick together, y'know?" Sirius added and Peter and James nodded.

"How are you feeling? Want me to grab you something? Water? Juice?" James put a hand over his shoulder and Remus sighed. He was never going to get rid of them. Maybe that was a good thing.

"No, I'm fine, thanks Prongs" he smiled at him "I'm not really that nervous, at least not as Vicky is" he shrugged and James chuckled.

"Yeah, I know how she gets"

"Either way, there's nothing to be nervous about, you're going to win" Sirius punched his shoulder "they have you and that's all they need" Remus smiled and felt his face get hot for like the tenth time that day.

"Cheers"

"Black! Potter! Pettigrew! Get on the stands now!" Madam Hooch yelled from her position and the three boys gave guilty smiles back at the teacher.

"Shit, I think that's our cue to go" Sirius laughed.

"Good luck, Moony!" Peter and James said and ran back to the stands. Sirius stayed back for a couple of seconds.

He squeezed his shoulder and planted his gray eyes on his hazel ones "I don't think I need to tell you anything, but you're going to kill it, Moony" he gave him that perfect smile of his and ran back with the other two to the Gryffindor section.

"Lupin!" Madam Hooch called him and he went back to his team.

The first race started. 100 meters plain. It went by in less than 20 seconds, Caradoc and the Ravenclaw girl fought for the first place, really close to one another, but in the end, Caradoc won just by a few millimeters.

The second race was Hazel, unfortunately, the other Slytherin girl was the one who won, receiving shouts and cheers from the stands.

Next was Remus against Dorcas and the two other competitors. Vicky had been reluctant to change the sprint races with him.

He positioned himself in the second row, just beside the Slytherin girl, he could see her brows slightly pulled together and her eyes fixed on the track before them. It seemed like nothing could distract her from the races that were about to take place, not even the loud screams from the stands that were shouting either her name or his (thanks to the girls and the rest of The Marauders).

"Ready," Madam Hooch said out loud and Remus turned his head to the front "set," he raised his back leg, getting into position "go!" Madam Hooch shouted and Remus bolted out of the starting line.

His legs made long strides as fast as he could, his blood rushed inside and his muscles cramped a little from all the effort. Dorcas and he were almost head to head and for a split second Remus thought that he might be able to beat the girl, but the illusion was instantly shattered when Dorcas, somehow, managed to run faster and passed Remus by half a meter, coming through the finish line first and leaving Remus with his jaw on the floor.

How was that even possible? She was incredible.

His heart beat hard and strong inside his chest, and his breath shook, he had to put his hands over his knees and bend to catch some air. He saw Dorcas calmly walking back to the Slytherin team as if the green stands weren't going absolutely crazy for her.

The last race came out a lot better, with Victoria beating the Hufflepuff guy and also leaving Avery in third place.

The rest of the competitions went by quickly, 200 meters, 400 meters, 1000 meters, and 400 meters relay. Gryffindor was doing really good -Remus had beat Mulciber at 1000 so he was pretty happy with it- but Slytherin came through at relay and every single race Dorcas ran.

At the time of the last event -the hurdle race- Slytherin and Gryffindor were tied on the board. Only two competitors get to do the hurdle race and originally it had been Victoria with Avery and the others from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and then Remus, Dorcas, and the other two. But thanks to the change, Remus was now standing beside a full-of-himself Avery who got a nasty smile on his sweaty face.

"I was waiting for this moment all day, Lupin" the Slytherin boy commented, as they waited in the starting line.

"Need me so much by your side, Avery?" Remus scoffed and got down to his position, Avery followed.

"I just thought you were supposed to be this big revelation of the Gryffindor team, the next James Potter and what not" Avery cackled, "Seems like you're not that big of a deal anyways"

"You're one to talk looking that you've won only 1 of 4 races today" Remus fought back.

"Ready, set..." Madam Hooch said.

"Go fuck yourself, Lupin"

"Go!" Hooch yelled and Remus shoot from the ground.

He ran as fast as possible, jumping the hurdles as they appeared in front of him. He couldn't see anyone else from the corner of his eyes and he was too busy to look back to check where Avery was at. The cheers from the Gryffindor stands got louder as he ran past them and he caught a glimpse of Lily's sign. He had to win. As the finish line got closer he fastened his feet and in mere seconds he was at the end.

He stopped and bent down for a moment, catching his breath. The red and gold section burst out with cheers and shouts, everybody chanting his name. He didn't know if it was the race or the chanting but his face felt a thousand times hotter.

He saw Avery walking back to the Slytherin team eyes stuck on the ground, he had gotten second place. Remus huffed a laugh and felt a little bit of pride in himself just for it.

Thanks to that win, Gryffindor was now in the lead. There was just one race left. Dorcad versus Victoria. It would define everything. If Dorcas won and Slytherin tied with them, they would have to make another set of competitions to break the tie; if not, Gryffindor would win.

It was all in Vicky's hands, and the girl knew it by the tint of nervousness her eyes had.

They got into position. Dorcas was right beside Victoria, just where Remus and Avery had been a minute ago. Dorcas was more than a head taller than Victoria, even though the last girl was older. The anticipation could be felt from the sidelines to the stands. Both sections -red and green- were at the edge of their seats, chanting for their own competitor.

"Ready...Set...Go!" Madam Hooch shouted and they bolted out. Dorcas and Victoria took the lead, leaving the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw competitors at the back. The Slytherin girl jumped the hurdles with such ease that Remus thought there was no way anybody could beat her, but then Victoria appeared right beside her. Her legs seemed to jump the hurdle even quicker than Dorcas' did and using the momentum Victoria gained a few inches in front of Dorcas.

"Come on, Vics!" Caradoc yelled.

"Vics!" Hazel hooted. The Gryffindor girl jumped one hurdle after another with an inhuman speed. Remus had never seen her do something like that. Remus' lips quirked up in a huge grin and he saw her pass the finish line, about a millisecond before Dorcas.

"Yes!" Caradoc shouted at the same time the Gryffindor stands exploded in shouts. Remus saw how Victoria let herself fall down to the ground, looking tired but wearing a gigantic grin on her face. Caradoc and Hazel hurried to where she was, and Remus followed them, meeting the three right behind the finish line.

"You did it! You fucking did it Vics!" Caradoc exclaimed, shaking her by the shoulders.

"We won" she mumbled, out of air.

"Yes, we fucking won!" Caradoc shook her again.

"You beat Dorcas!" Hazel pointed out and Victoria made a face to show that even she didn't believe that.

"Yeah...I did" he breathed out, she locked eyes with him and Remus gave her a soft smile.

"I told you" he shrugged.

"I almost had a heart attack before the race," she shook her head, laughing.

"Let's go! We have to get our medals" Caradoc extended a hand to Victoria and helped her get to her feet.

The award ceremony was short but sweet. They propped a podium -Remus didn't know where they got it, but he was happy to be standing on the top of it- and gave them the medals. Gold for Gryffindor, silver for Slytherin, and bronze for Hufflepuff. The Snakes had sour faces on them, especially Avery and Mulciber who looked like they would rather be anywhere but there.

As he walked down the podium, Remus grabbed the medal that hung around his neck and admired it. He brushed his finger over the inscription 'First place. H.A.E Olympics'. It might've not been real gold but for his teammates it was.

Caradoc, Hazel, and Victoria had grins that Remus was sure wouldn't disappear for nothing in the world. Their eyes shone as they received congratulations and cheers from their housemates coming down from the stands. Victoria didn't even let go of her medal, grasping it around the gold as if she was afraid somebody might steal it.

"Remus!" Lily ran up to him and before he could warn her that he was completely drenched in sweat she threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Lils" he chuckled and saw Marlene, Mary, and the three boys walking hurriedly to him. James and Sirius hooked him in an aggressive embrace.

"You were amazing, Moony!" James shouted.

"I knew you'd win!" Sirius exclaimed with his arm surrounding his neck tightly.

"Thanks, thanks" he laughed "I followed your advice," he said to Marlene.

"I noticed! I told you!" she smiled. They all talk about the races, recalling moments and repeating Remus 'how great he was'. Remus wanted to die every time they said it.

"Now there's only Wednesday's game left. We'll beat Slytherin just like you did today and Gryffindor will be overall champion and it should be" Sirius announced as they walked back to Godric.

"I'll make sure of it Pads" James assured. He turned to the girls "You three are going, right?"

"Of course, 'wouldn't dare to miss the great James Potter living his blood legacy and making sure the Lions maintain their manly honour by beating the Snakes," Lily said in somewhat of an ironic tone.

"D'you think I'm great, Lily?" he grinned and the redhead rolled her eyes, making the other five laugh.

"Forget it, Potter"

March 20th, 1996

Remus thought that the people of Hogwarts couldn't be more excited about a Football game than they usually were, but he was, once again, wrong. People were preparing for the final since the early morning of that Wednesday. It wasn't also any House Cup Final, it was the final. The century rivalry. Gryffindor vs Slytherin.

Expectations were high thanks to Gryffindor's win at the H.A.E Olympics and the energy inside the castle could make an entire stadium lit up. Gryffindor's Team appeared at breakfast with their jerseys -thanks to James' superstitions- and they maintain it throughout the day. The teachers had little to no problem with this since they were also waiting for the afternoon to roll around so they could go to the Football field.

Remus was honestly glad the attention had been shifted to the Football team, he had spent the day before dealing with praises and congratulations for the win at the Olympics from every single person he came around. Football was more important to the students of Hogwarts and he couldn't complain.

James and Sirius were like two firecrackers the whole day. Nonstopping talking about strategies and positions, and the million-and-one outcomes of the game. Remus wasn't able to enjoy silence until he was in his room dressing up for the game -James and Sirius had gone early to prepare for each of their roles-, and even that was cut short because Peter came in honking two plastic trumpets. He was head to toe in Gryffindor attire, with red and gold clothes, face painting, and crowned with a lion's mane over his sandy hair.

"Here," the shorter boy gave him one of the trumpets after Remus had finished with the painted lines on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and shock himself for a split second. He looked like one of those crazed-out Football fans he saw around London every time there was a game in the city.

He'd swear he would never be like that. Now he looked at himself and thought about how those three rich boys he called friends had changed everything in the past few months.

"Let's go," he told Peter, before the image in the mirror was too embarrassing to look at and made him wash his face and put something of any other color than red and gold.

The Football field was already full of people when they arrived, not only Gryffindor and Slytherin students but also from the other two houses. Thankfully the girls had saved them some seats. Remus couldn't help but notice that Lily seemed a little bit nervous for some reason.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I just want Gryffindor to win" she shrugged with a little smile, but Remus wasn't so sure that was the complete reason for her nerves.

"Good evening, everybody!" Sirius' voice was heard from the megaphones, and everybody hooted at this "Welcome to the Great Final. The game of the century. Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Here we'll define who'll be the great House Cup Champion of the '95-'96 season. It'll be Gryffindor, of course"

"You sound so confident, Black, but let me remind you my house beat the Eagles a few weeks ago, one team yours failed to beat if my memory is not failing me" Tamara's voice chimed in, receiving cheers from both Slytherin and some Ravenclaw students.

"Well well, love, everything can happen in the next 90 minutes," Sirius said in sort of a sensual voice and Remus could picture him giving Tamara hungry eyes and a flirty grin.

"Eventful 90 minutes, I'm sure. May the best team win" the girl added.

Both teams appeared on the field a minute later and began to warm up. Remus saw James putting on those funny googly glasses and talking with Woods as they stretched. After the grandiose presentation of the players and the coin toss, the game began. It started off slow, not what Remus had expected of the 'Great Final'.

Nothing really happened for the first 20 minutes until Lestrange pushed Johnson, making him fall. The Lions stands started booing at the Slytherin boy and the referee gave him a yellow card. After that, the game started to get more and more aggressive.

35 minutes in, Woods scored a goal and the students went crazy. Marlene climbed on her seat, Lily and Mary scream loudly and Peter honked his trumpet nonstop. Their happiness lasted very little. About five minutes later, Malfoy managed to score a goal, and the green section burst out in cheers, drowning the Gryffindor one.

"We've been having a close game, both teams playing very carefully for now," Tamara said through the megaphone at halftime.

"If think being aggressive and dirty is playing carefully, I'm scared for my life," Sirius commented with a chuckle. After that, he tried to make everyone chant 'Slytherin You Suck' but it was immediately shut down by McGonagall.

The second half started and it was clear the Snakes were rushing to score another goal. Marlene and Peter said they changed their positions and they were also -really clearly- playing more aggressively than before, with more shoves and hard pushes that earned them a couple more yellow cards.

At one point, almost all of the Snakes were running behind Woods, who had the ball and was rushing to the other goal. In one fast motion, the older boy passed it to James who was closer to the goal zone, and in an amazing trick, the boy kicked it inside the goal.

James ran to the Gryffindor section and it went crazy instantly. Remus even hooted and honk the plastic trumpet for his friend. He thought that the stands might fall from how hard people were jumping and cheering.

"Goal! From the talented amazing James Potter," Sirius yelled and most of the Lions team went to embrace James in hugs and hard pats on the shoulder.

"He's playing really good," Lily said to him a couple of minutes later, her eyes were glittering with excitement and she couldn't look away from the field. Remus didn't have to ask who she was referring to.

The Gryffindor team was at an all-time high, they were playing incredibly and the Snakes didn't have a chance against them. That was until James was running with the ball toward the other goal again, he was leaving behind every single Slytherin he came across, and he appeared to be unstoppable; but then Carrow slid on the ground, hitting James on the feet and making him flip over and fall hard on the ground.

Everybody at the stands stood up shocked, gasps and shouts of horrors were heard around. The rest of the team immediately shot toward his fallen teammate, Woods and Diggory kneeled down beside James, checking on him, while on the other side, a heated brawl between Maclaggen, Johnson, Carrow, and Bulstrode was starting to take place. The student section remained paralyzed, watching James curl on the ground, grabbing one of his ankles with a face full of pain.

"Is he okay?" Mary asked worriedly, the girls and Peter had the same scared look on their faces. The look everyone around -including Remus- had.

The referee tried to break the fight, blowing his whistle and giving every player involve a yellow card. Madam Pomfrey appeared on the scene seconds later, joined by two burly boys who carried a stretcher.

"Is his ankle right? D'you think he broke it?" Lily questioned, but nobody had a clear answer.

"If he did, he won't be able to play for so long" Marlene pointed out.

"He'll hate it" Remus added.

"Yeah, Football is his entire life," Lily nodded and bit her bottom lip nervously as she watched Madam Pomfrey attending James.

"Look, he's standing up!" Peter said excitedly, and Remus saw a disheveled-looking James Potter trying to come to his feet with the help of Woods and Diggory. Madam Pomfrey said something to him but James shook his head at it. Shortly, he was walking -limping, really- with the help of his two teammates toward the sidelines. When he was closer he gave a thumbs-up and a tired smile to the Gryffindor section and they all cheered for him.

"I think he's out for the rest of the game," Peter said, bending his neck over to have a clearer view of James disappearing through the small tunnel players usually come out before the game.

Woods and Diggory went back to the field, and Patil walked toward James' position, confirming Peter's suspicions. It was noticeable James was missing in the field, Patil was good, but not at the same level as James was. Lestrange managed to score a goal ten minutes before the game could end.

This gave the Lions the boost they needed. That and the necessity to avenge their teammate. They were playing harder now, leaving no time for the Snakes to attack or respond. Woods, especially, was responsible for making the Snakes crazy by trying to steal the ball from him. There were four minutes left in the clock for overtime, and the students in the stands were already settled on penalties as a tiebreaker. But thanks to a miracle -perhaps the same that helped them at the Olympics- Woods scored a goal, leaving the board 3-2 in Lion's favour. When the final whistle was heard the red and gold stands exploded. The Gryffindor players ran toward Woods and jumped over him, making a small mountain of boys in the middle of the field.

"And Gryffindor is the champion of the 80th House Football Cup" Sirius shouted into the megaphone and the stands cheered even more.

"We won!" Marlene screamed, shaking Mary by the shoulders. They all cheered, hooted, and jumped.

The Gryffindor team then ran to the sidelines and dragged James, who had his left ankle wrapped in bandages, lifting him up and throwing him to the air until Madam Pomfrey came and scolded them. The Snakes, on the other side, were already leaving the field, crestfallen and with defeated faces.

Remus couldn't help the huge grin he had looking at his friends so happy in the stands and at James bursting with happiness and excitement with his team. Maybe he didn't care for Football, at all, but he really -really- cared for them.

The team cheered with the stands for some time until they were dragged to the changing rooms by Madam Hooch. The crowd from the stands move to outside the changing rooms, to wait for the winning team to come out. Sirius met them a couple of minutes later, his hair looking messy, his lips red and his shirt T-shirt all disheveled over his shoulders -Remus didn't ask and honestly didn't want to know-.

When the team came out it was received by another round of claps and cheers. Sirius and Peter ran toward James and wrapped the boy into a group hug, telling him he did amazing and already asking him how he was and if he was hurt, he was about to answer but the girls arrived.

"You did amazing, James! Congratulations!" Lily exclaimed, wrapping her arms around the boy's neck, leaving him with his mouth open and probably forgetting anything he was about to say.

"Thanks" he said with a huge dumbfounded grin on his face. When they separated both had their cheeks slightly flushed and Remus could feel the awkwardness setting in.

"So what happened to your ankle?" Sirius chimed in, thankfully breaking the silence between the group.

"Ankle sprain, but it'll heal in no time don't worry" he shrugged "Madam Pomfrey told me not to train until it was completely healed and not put pressure over it" he waved dismissively as if he hadn't given a heart attack to about a hundred students earlier because of it.

The celebration moved to Gryffindor Hall, of course. As the sunset was on the horizon, hoards of students came into Lion Building, bringing drinks and every bit of excitement with them.

They stuck together for some time talking about the game and recalling point moments. James was about to explain, for the third time, the trick he did on his goal when he was dragged by Woods and Diggory to be with the rest of the team.

"Alright, alright, listen up," Diggory said, standing over the coffee table in the middle of the room "Everybody shut your gobs, our dear captain is about to say some precious words" he presented and everybody cheered for Woods, who stood over the table beside the other boy.

"Alright, it was a crazy season innit?" he laughed, making everybody chuckle a bit with him "we had highs and lows, bunch of new tricks, lots of fights" he raised his eyebrows and looked at MacLaggen "some...casualties" he looked at James and the boy pressed his lips together "but overall it was a good season...we came out champions for fuck's sake" everybody hooted "and it was written in the stars from the beginning. It was meant to be we came out winners. This is the last season for a lot of us" he looked around his team "The last season for Johnson, Bell, Diggory... my last season and the last season you'll have me as your captain"

"Thank, god" MacLaggen commented with irony and the team laughed. Woods gave him a sideway smile and threw him some of his drink.

"Wanker" he laughed "but well, it's been good lads, it's been good...We all have had some great times and laughs together, it's truly been a pleasure to be your captain for the last four years" he nodded with his head, getting into a more serious and nostalgic tone now "but it's time now to graduate from Hogwarts and pass the baton to someone else. Hopefully someone who'll kick your arses as much as I did. Yeah...you'll be in good hands...I'm sure" he glanced at James and winked at him quickly "well, I don't have anything else to say" he looked around with a smile "so cheers everyone, tha ks for everything" he raised his pint and everyone in the room followed.

"Cheers!"

"So James' the captain now?" Mary asked, curiously.

"Yes and no. He still has to try for the position" Sirius began to explain "but he's the best of the team, and now that Woods will be gone, it's just right he's the next captain"

"I'm sure he'll get it" Peter added.

As the night progressed more and more people filled the building. Remus had never seen the Common Room so filled. The music was loud and the drinks were rolling through the hands of everyone present. He stayed with the girls for most of the night, Sirius had disappeared with some girl long ago and Peter went looking James around the room.

He didn't realize he had been drinking so much until he noticed he'd lost the girls too. His head was a little bit dizzy and his limbs felt heavier and more difficult to move. The music was pounding his ears and his eyes were fuzzy, making it impossible to look for them through the crowd.

He decided to go damp his face in cold water. He slowly climbed the stairs to the third floor, trying not to fall over, and split his head open on the attempt. When he arrived at room C-12 and opened the door he stumbled with a sight he'd rather not to have seen. Sirius was propped on his bed over a blond girl. But not any blond girl -he noticed a second later-, it was Dalia, with her top off. The two of them turned to look at him immediately and Remus wanted the ground to open up and swallow him entirely.

"Uh-'m-sorry" he mumbled and went out of the room as quickly as he had come in. He closed the door and stumbled into James and Peter's room instead.

He got into their bathroom and rinse his face with cold water, trying to make the drunkenness go away. He sipped a little bit from the faucet and let the cold droplets fall down, putting both of his hands on either side of the sink for support. He then looked up and met his reflection.

His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol -and the embarrassing scene he just saw in his room-, his eyelids heavy over his hazel eyes, and his hair was a mess, wet with sweat and water. He breathed in deeply and let out a heavy sigh. He needed a cigarette.

He walked down the stairs back to the Common Room and out of Lion Building. He was walking down the stairs at the entrance when he heard his name.

"Moony!" Sirius called behind his back. He stopped on his track and turned around to meet the long-haired boy.

"Pads, weren't you with-?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was" Sirius interrupted, scratching behind his ear with a tint of embarrassment on his face.

Remus felt that he had ruined Sirius' moment back there with the girl and he felt twice as guilty now.

"Sorry for interrupting, I-"

"It's alright, it helped us honestly" he chuckled nervously "We stopped and thought that maybe we ought not to do that, given our history and all that..." Sirius looked to the side, his words were slurred, probably just like Remus' were.

"Right," he nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

"Where are you headed?" he asked.

"Wanted to smoke" Remus explained briefly.

"Alright, I'll join you" Sirius smiled and then looked around "Want to find a better place?" he suggested. The outside of Lion Building was crowded with party-goers, smoking, drinking, and talking. The music could be heard almost as clearly as inside.

"Sure" Remus shrugged, too drunk to protest or say anything else.

Sirius led the way. They walked up Godric Campus, toward Ravenclaw Hall. The party could be heard muffled at the distance, but it still was much better than being in it. Remus thought that they would smoke outside the Hall but then Sirius approached Rowena Building -the girl's dorms- and signed at the stairs that every building had on the side.

"You wanna go up there?" Remus questioned, thinking how if he tried to go up those stairs he might fall down and meet his end right there.

"Yup," Sirius nodded with a smirk.

"Are you mad? We're wasted" he signed at them and Sirius shrugged.

"We've done it drunk before," he pointed out. It was true, but Remus wasn't as confident about his abilities that night as he had been three months before.

"We'll die"

Sirius huffed a laugh "Please, Moony, you're being dramatic" he turned around and started to climb the stairs.

"I'm being dramatic now?" Remus repeated with irony "Well, when we fall and break a bone you can explain Pomfrey why" he said a little bit angry but still following Sirius up to the roof.

"If something happens, I'll just blame the alcohol as I always do" Sirius replied from above him "there's this saying that if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" Remus rolled his eyes and put all his concentration to safely going up the stairs instead of bickering with the other boy.

When they arrived at the top, Remus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and followed Sirius to the edge of the wall. You could see almost all of Godric Campus up there. To the right there was Slytherin Hall, as quiet and impossible still as ever; to the left, Gryffindor Hall continued with his big celebration, and behind them, Hufflepuff Hall stood in the distance. The night was breezy and dark, the moon was nowhere to be seen, but the stars blinked at them from above, making for the absence of the satellite.

"So, we're smoking, right?" Sirius said, arching a brow. Remus shoot him a murder look but searched for his cigarette pack and lighter inside his jacket.

"I should count that one as three for almost killing me on the way," Remus signed at the cigarette with his chin as he handed Sirius the lighter.

"C'mon, Moony, we're here, there's no need to be a dick now, you can relax" Sirius chuckled, put the cigarette between his lips, and clicked the lighter, but the breeze was so strong that blew the little flame away each time Sirius tried.

Remus was getting impatient, he wanted his cigarette now.

"Here, give me that," he told the other boy and grabbed his lighter.

He put his own cigarette in his mouth and stepped near Sirius. He brought his face closer to his, making the tip of their cigarettes touch. He could feel Sirius' breath clash against his face. Mint and liquor, of course. He cupped his hand on the space between his faces, blocking the cigarettes from the wind, but careful not to touch Sirius' face. He didn't want to make it awkward. He clicked the lighter and brought the flame to the two joints. He frowned and squinted his eyes, trying to steady his hands and make the fire do its work. When both ends lit red he removed his hands and stepped away from the other boy. He dragged from his cigarette and looked up at Sirius. He was already looking.

"That's how you light up a fag, you tosser" Remus joked. Sirius blinked and finally dragged from his cigarette as if he had been shaken out of his thoughts.

They smoked in silence, standing beside the edge of the rooftop, leaning on the wall, and looking at the night view.

"Look, that's Aries" Sirius pointed at the sky with his finger.

"Where?" Remus looked up.

"See those stars that look like a bent line?" he signed and Remus squinted his eyes hard at the night sky. There were too many stars that night to recognize from all of them.

"You have to give me an easier constellation to look at, Pads" he chuckled and dragged from his cigarette.

Sirius sighed and laughed "Alright, there" he pointed up, again "look at those five stars that make a square...sort of" Remus observed the sky again and finally saw what Sirius was referring to.

"Oh, right, I see them"

"That's Virgo" Sirius revealed and Remus looked up, amazed at how the boy knew by hand all the stars in the sky.

"And that over there it's Leo" Sirius made a pause "with its brightest star..." he seemed reluctant to continue talking. Remus glanced back at the other boy and he had his lips pressed together tightly and his eyes wide at the mass of stars above them "Regulus, it's called Regulus" he finally said and Remus understood.

"Like your brother" he recalled and Sirius nodded before dragging from his cigarette.

"Yeah, like him..." a silence grew between them. Sirius was probably thinking about Regulus, and Remus was alright with just letting him think in silence. He continued smoking his fag and watched the campus instead.

"We were close before, y'know?" Sirius talked after a couple of minutes and Remus turned his head back at him "very close..." he repeated in a whisper, almost entirely to himself "but now...now that's just history" he laughed bitterly "he chose to be on the Black family side and I...well, you know how I am" Remus confirmed with a nod.

"Yeah I know"

Remus knew there was more history and reasons between the two brothers for them to act like they acted with one another. It couldn't be just a disagreement of ideas. But Remus didn't want to ask, he didn't want to push Sirius to tell him more. He was probably saying all that because they were both wasted and tired.

Remus looked up again, dragged his eyes around the sky, and saw the three consecutive stars in a line.

"That's Orion's belt, I know that one" he pointed, changing the subject drastically.

"Right," Sirius chuckled and dragged from his cigarette. Diagonally from Orion's belt, Remus saw a bright star, the biggest star among the others.

"And there's you, the bloody brightest start of the night sky, shiniest as ever" he teased and heard Sirius huff a laugh.

"Yeah, there I am" he nodded, a little side smile had appeared on his face "but there's no moon for Moony"

"No, there's not"

"Moon is up, the sun is down, you can't have it both ways round. Ooh babe, won't you listen to me..." Sirius sang quietly, bobbing his head along.

"What are you even singing?" Remus laughed, frowning at him.

"Rolling Stones" Sirius explained "or d'you want me to sing another song?" he suggested with a cheeky smile "The words seem empty, 'cause there's nothing there at all. We let the wise men beat the drums too soon. We were just children of the moon" Remus made a face and shook his head.

"No?" Sirius laughed again and stepped closer to him "then maybe Charmless Man?"

Remus opened his eyes, horrified "Oh God, no" Sirius knew how much he hated that song.

"La la la la la la la" he started singing and Remus walked away, putting his hands over his ears as Sirius chased him around the rooftop, singing the chorus of Charmless Man over the top of his lungs.

They probably looked like a pair of little kids.

"Stop, stop!" Remus complained as if it was hurting him physically "Shut your mouth" Sirius stopped suddenly and gasped.

"Keep your mouth shut! You're squawking like a pink monkey bird and I'm busting up my brains for the words!" he sang loudly "Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe. Put your ray gun to my head"

"Are you going to sing the whole fucking song?" Remus asked tiredly, removing his hands from his ears.

"Yup" Sirius chuckled, "press your space face close to mine, love" he put his hands over Remus' shoulders and shook him slightly "freak out in a moonage daydream, oh, yeah"

"Your turn Moony," Sirius smiled and Remus arched a brow.

"My turn?"

"Yeah! You love Bowie, and I know you know this song" he pointed at him with an accusatory finger.

"I'm not a good singer" Remus shook his head embarrassed, he thought he would rather die than sing in front of the literal embodiment of good singing.

"It doesn't matter" Sirius opened his arms "It's Bowie! C'mon!" he insisted, getting closer to him. Remus was starting to notice his grip over his shoulders a little bit too much.

He was drunk.

"Alright, alright" he sighed, giving up. Maybe neither of them would remember any of it tomorrow. At least he hoped Sirius wouldn't.

He put out his cigarette on the edge of the wall and looked away from Sirius "Don't fake it, baby, lay the real thing on me?" he sang, mostly just saying the words in a confused tone "The church of man love is such a holy place to be"

"Yes, Moony!" Sirius cheered with a huge grin and started dancing along.

"Make me, baby. Make me know you really care. Make me jump into the air" even though his face began to feel hot, his words started to come out more confidently.

"Now together!" Sirius exclaimed after also putting out his cigarette.

"Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe" they sang together.

"Wooh!" Sirius hooted making Remus laugh.

"Put your ray gun to my head" they sang, this time Remus did it with a little bit more emotion and volume, slowly matching Sirius'.

"Press your space face close to mine, love" Sirius did a twirl "Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh, yeah"

Sirius sang the solo, making it as if he had a guitar in his hands. Remus didn't know why he found it so funny but he was howling with laughing at the sight.

"Now again!" directed the other boy and Remus followed it.

"Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe" they sang, both faking they had microphones on their hands. Remus didn't know where he had found the confidence to act like that.

He was really drunk.

"Put your ray gun to my head" they sang to one another, as they were performing on a stage together.

"Press your space face close to mine, love" Sirius extended his arms at him and came closer "Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh, yeah" he pointed at the sky with one arm while he held his invisible mic with the other. Remus chuckled.

Sirius grabbed his hands "Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe" he threw his head back, holding himself with Remus and shaking his long black hair

"Put your ray gun to my head" he raised his head and looked at Remus. His bluish-gray eyes landed on his, shining like two stars of their own.

"Press your space face close to mine, love" he made Remus make a turn as if they were ballroom dancing.

"Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh, yeah" they finished singing and laughed loudly.

"That was too good, Moony" Sirius shook his head and pressed his forehead against his shoulder as he laughed. Remus tensed immediately and looked down at the bush of black hair near his face. He could still smell the lavender and honey under the men's cologne Sirius always wore.

He told himself not to think about that and calm down. They were just joking around. Just two boys being boys.

He was just really REALLY drunk.

March 23rd, 1996

"All I'm saying, Rem, is that the last thing I imagined doing was spending the entire night talking with James Potter" Lily sighed as they walked through the thick bushes of the woods.

The redhead carried with herself a bouquet of flowers to replace de one they had left Olivia weeks before. She had asked Mary and Marlene to go with her, but the two girls were busy that Saturday with rehearsals for the upcoming play the Drama Club was doing. So Remus volunteered to walk with her, of course.

They jumped the fence careful that nobody saw them and got into the humid and muddy forest. It had been raining for the past few days, so with every step, Remus' old boots dug more and more into the soft soil.

What he didn't expect from that little 'excursion' was hearing Lily talk about James, and how they had snuck together to his room that night of the Football Final and talked alone for hours. Remus wasn't surprised on James' behalf. Hell, he would've been more surprised if the other boy hadn't tried to talk to Lily all night -even when he had just won the Cup he had been dreaming of all of those months-. What surprised Remus the most, was how mortified and -at the same time- thrilled was Lily about what happened between the two.

"But I don't get it, are you mad about it?" he asked as he held a tree branch up for her.

"No, no. It was surprisingly nice and...delightful" her cheeks flushed a little bit.

"So you liked it" Remus concluded.

"Ugh, I don't even know now! Our conversation that night was something unlike we had had before, it showed me a different side of James that I've never seen. And lately, I've been finding his presence less annoying" she raised her eyebrows and chuckled "but I can't say for sure that I like him...I mean, he's literally the most egotistical person ever and he never takes anything seriously, he just tells silly jokes all of the time..." she rolled her eyes "but those jokes can be kind of funny sometimes, I'll admit. And he's not totally terrible...he can be kind and loyal, and he's always the first to help when you need it...also he's not exactly ugly" she added shyly.

Remus looked at the girl with a slight frown. He had suspected for a couple of weeks now that Lily might be starting to feel something for James, even with her dirty looks and dry comments to the boy, there was certainly something different between the two. He didn't know it was that different.

"Well...I didn't ask if you liked him, I asked if you liked the conversation, but I guess you answered yourself with that" Remus pointed out with a little laugh. Lily opened her eyes wide and her cheeks started to get as red as her hair.

"Oh God" she put a hand over her face, embarrassed "I'm a fool. You must be tired of hearing this 'girl talk', aren't you?"

Remus shrugged "I don't mind it" they fell into silence for a couple of seconds before he talked again "but I don't get it, is it so bad that you like James now?"

"Yes, yes it is" Lily nodded "because what if he just gets tired of me when he finally gets me?"

Remus shook his head a little "James' not like that-"

"You all say that" she intervened "and I think he believes that he's in love with me or something, but what if it's just an obsession of his? Just a fixation because I'm the first girl that said 'no' to him and he doesn't like me for me but for the fact that I'm just another impossible win to add. A trophy" she threw her hands in the air and Remus could see her point.

But he also knew James. He had heard the other boy spend hours talking about Lily. How he was amazed by her, her personality, her kindness, her brains. For example, one time she told the class about how humans were born earlier than other mammals because of our bodies, and then James repeated that 'fun fact' all week to anyone who dared to hear him. Or the fact that he started secretly listening to Fleetwood Mac since Lily's birthday. She didn't know about how the boy's face lit up every time she talked to him, or how his smile widened when he noticed he had made her laugh with one of his jokes.

"And even if I let my guard down and open my heart...I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is even love...I've spent so much resenting James, hating him, that I don't know how I'm supposed to love him" she crossed her arms over her chest, slightly squashing the bouquet.

"Lils, I don't know much about love or relationships, and maybe I'm not the right person for this" he began "but James is a good bloke and I know his feelings for you. I'm not saying that you two should marry or are soulmates or some shite like that, but...I think you could at least try if you want to?" he scratched the back of his head not really sure of what he had said to Lily. He didn't know how he always ended up being the relationship advisor of everyone around when he had never had one, to begin with.

Lily looked away and played with a leaf as they pass by "I'll think about it. Thanks, Remus" he smiled softly at her.

They arrived at Olivia's 'grave' a minute later. A couple of the flowers from the old bouquet could be seen still beside the headstone. The river was calm at that time, but the surface around was slippery and filled with more mud. They brushed the old flowers away and placed the new bouquet over the grave. After, they surrounded the ash tree to take a better path back to the castle -one that had fewer rocks and wet spots-. They were a little far from the burial site, climbing a small hill, when Lily slipped with something and Remus caught her by the arms before she could get her plaid skirt stained with mud.

"God, I almost had a heart attack" she chuckled "thanks" Remus glanced over where she tripped and noticed something strange. It looked like something was protruding from the ground. It was squared-shaped and metallic, like a box of some sort. He stepped back and crouched before the strange object.

"What's that?" Lily asked, joining him.

"I don't know, but it looks like it had been buried deep. The storms have probably cleared it up" he stated as he grabbed into it. The box was really stuck, but since the soil was soft and liquid, it only took Remus a little bit of digging with his bare hands to get it out.

The box was rusted completely and had a huge dent on one side. It was hard to tell how long it had been out there. He tried to open it up, but the rust had settled well on the small lock at the front.

"Oh, what if it's like a time capsule from a past student" Lily suggested, excitedly.

Remus thought the idea was more likely than anything else, but something inside him was hoping it was something else. Something about all of those missing kids, something about Olivia perhaps, something about Hogwarts. He didn't want to get his hopes up. It could probably be just an old stash of weed or something similar that a student hid from one of those room inspections and completely forgot the location of the box.

"Let's take it to my room, maybe I have something to open it," he said and cleaned as much mud as he could from the surface.

They arrived at Gryffindor Hall minutes later, Lily was hesitant at first to enter the boy's dorms but then she followed Remus inside, walking closely beside him. They got into his room, which was empty, indicating that Sirius, James, and Peter were still in the gardens playing Football. He grabbed the small metal wrench he usually used to pick locks -Lily didn't comment about it but she did give it a curious look-, with a little bit of pressure he burst the box open, making the contents fall into the floor.

There was a lot of dust, dead bugs, and dry leaves that littered the wooden floor of the room -Remus made a mental note of cleaning that later-, it smelled horrific, like humidity and wet soil. Besides that, there were a lot of small papers, postcards, old photos, and also a small leather-bound notebook. Remus kneeled and grabbed it. It looked like a diary of some sort. The leather was pealing tremendously and it felt as if the slightest movement could break the diary apart.

Lily sat on the floor and started gathering up the photos and papers. Remus opened the diary and was met with two words that almost made him throw the book away. In very familiar handwriting, almost fading into the yellow paper there was a 'Olivia Robinson' written at the center of the first page. His heart skipped a beat and his throat dried instantly. He flipped the pages carefully and landed on a random date near the center of the diary:

October, 4th 1955
Bee's parents sent her another letter today. They told her again not to associate with me, afraid I might be 'corrupting' their child. Ha! If they only knew she is the one corrupting me! Their dear daughter is a rebel, and I think that is what I like the most about her. They said they didn't want us to be friends, that somebody like her needed to be with the higher class, not a commoner like me. But I say, hell with them! They will never understand a friendship like ours.

Remus assumed 'Bee' was Anabella Caelkirk. He noticed the date was also months before her disappearance. It was the diary she had just before what happened to her.

What if...

He flipped the pages quickly and landed on the last written page. 'April 19th, 1956'. Remus' stomach dropped and he held the edges of the book tightly, afraid of what he was about to read.

I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. Bee still won't talk to me. I'm still waiting for her to come through the door one of these days and smile like she used to do. I miss that. I miss how we used to be. There's not a day that goes by where I don't regret what happened. Hopefully, I'll talk to her soon. I need to. I need to tell her. Today it happened again. 'TR' and his followers. When will they ever leave me alone? They keep saying I'm a pig and they will slaughter me any of these days. I'm scared. If something happens to me they will be responsible for it...

Remus felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. His nails dug hard on the old leather and he felt that morning breakfast coming up his throat. His wishes had been granted at the end, he had the truth of Olivia's dead. At least part of it. The truth that Dumbledore had been hiding all of those years. It was all in his hands, the proof he needed to back all of the doubts he had had when discovering her story.

Olivia didn't just disappear, and she didn't kill herself.

Olivia Robinson had been murdered on Hogwarts' grounds, and the responsible was probably still on the loose.

He had been right all along, but at what cost...

Chapter Text

Please forget the words that I just blurted out
It wasn't me, it was a strange and creeping doubt
It keeps rattling my cage
There's nothing in this world will keep it down
— I Can't, Radiohead

March 26th, 1996

Olivia Robinson didn't kill herself.

Remus already knew that.

But what he didn't know before was the web of secrets behind her disappearance. Somebody had killed her, somebody that went to Hogwarts at that time. And the girl had suffered at the hands of them long before her murder. Remus spent the next days reading and re-reading the diary, making sure nothing went over his head and trying to decipher what Olivia had gone through.

What he could gather was that Olivia was a scholarship kid, just like Remus, and he was mocked for it, bullied by a group of rich kids that called themselves the 'Death Eaters' they were headed by a boy whose initials were 'TR'. Olivia seemed to not go in-depth about what they did to her, but Remus knew it wasn't anything good, every day that passed the writings in her diary became more and more obscure and miserable, the only 'happy' part was when Olivia talked about her friend Bee. That was until somewhere at the beginning of 1956 she started dating a boy named John Mcallen who supposedly hung around the Death Eaters from time to time. Olivia tells that slowly her friend started hanging around them too and became somebody completely different. Something must've happened between them, something that eventually led to her death. Somebody tore the pages before the last message written in the diary, somebody who didn't want anybody to know what happened between the two girls and the Death Eaters.

But one thing was sure, the Death Eaters were responsible for her death.

If only Remus could figure out who they were, he spent day and night looking for any information about the Death Eaters in the library. He looked for newspapers and even annuals but nothing came through. And he didn't dare to ask anyone about it, he knew now that if it happened at Hogwarts the personnel, especially Dumbledore, would cover for it until their graves.

He couldn't trust anyone.

Remus knew that he was spending a lot of time on the research, alone until late hours at night, reading each over and over again each line in case he'd missed something. His friends were supportive at first, as they tried to help him and seemed willing to get into the investigation too, but for them, there were other things that they deemed more important, like the birthday of a certain boy that Wednesday.  They had been running and making plans since Sunday, telling Remus they would help him but only after James' birthday.

In Remus' mind, it couldn't wait. How could he think of celebrating when he'd just discovered what looked like Hogwarts Academy's biggest secret? How could he rest knowing somebody was killed, murdered on those very grounds a party would be in just a couple of hours?

As much as he loved James -and he did, even though he didn't say it- he needed to get to the bottom of Olivia's murder. Also, it wasn't like they needed Remus' help exactly, he wasn't good at decorating -that job was Peter's- and he also didn't have the slightest idea of what to give James -that was Sirius' job-, in addition, the girls had gotten involved this year so the other two boys had three extra pairs of hands to get the job done.

Remus' only real advantage over all of them was that he was tall and could put the garlands higher up. As far as he was concerned, they could manage with average-height garlands. He'd sign whatever card they'll give James and call it a day.

Sirius didn't take this too well of course. He was already stressed planning his best friend's 'surprise' party.

First, it was the grave look he gave Remus in History class that Monday morning when he'd ask for his opinion on whether they should do red and gold decorations that represented The Lion's colors (since they'd just won the House Cup) or red and white, which were Liverpool FC's colors (James' favorite).

"I don't know Pads, I'm trying to read this diary again" he had said with a shrug. Sirius eyed the diary warily and then Remus, like he wanted to say something back but in the end kept it to himself and just turned around with a low 'Alright'.

Then, that same day at night, they were in their bedroom and Sirius was starting to wrap James' gift when he threw a small ball of wrapping paper at Remus, who was on his desk, revising some old yearbooks he had grabbed from the library.

"Help me, would you?" Sirius grinned from his bed. Remus groaned slightly and threw back the paper ball at the long-haired boy.

"Can't...later" he'd replied, uninterested, turning back to the books.

"By the time you discover the truth James will be 30!" Sirius had joked with a scoff that showed that he wasn't totally okay with him not helping.

Sirius' frustration only seemed to grow the next day. At lunchtime, he grabbed Remus by the arm before the two could reach the table with James and Peter and whispered:

"Remember we're finishing the decorations tonight, no ghost-tale excuses" Sirius raised his eyebrows severely, and Remus noticed he didn't have his usual joking tone anymore, at least not entirely. He looked more like his brother that way.

Remus almost felt like he was talking with an angry teacher rather than one of his friends.

He'd frowned and opened his mouth to reply with something harsh, something that told Sirius that he hadn't signed up for silly birthday parties and stupid surprises, that he was actually doing something important, something that more people should care about. But for the first time ever, he bit his tongue and limited himself to just brushing Sirius' hand off his arm and walking to the table.

The last straw that made Sirius entirely blow up was what happened that Tuesday night. Remus was reading Olivia's diary again, trying to finish a clear timeline of the facts, to help him see what was missing, to know who the Death Eaters were why there wasn't anything about them, and why they were responsible for Olivia's disappearing (or rather, death).

He had been doing that for hours already, his head hurt, his eyes hurt, his back hurt...everything hurt. He was already down three cups of tea, trying to keep his brain awake and active, but even after all of those hours inside the texts, he was missing something. The torn pages of course, if he could retrieve those, somehow, he knew he'd have the complete story. Exasperation and fatigue were getting the best of him.

Sirius burst into the room joined by Peter and when he saw the diary in Remus' hands the big smile he was sporting immediately disappeared, being replaced by a heavy frown.

"Is that Olivia's diary?" he asked, coldly.

Remus -who was seconds away from screaming and pulling his hair- snapped his head at the other boy and scowled back "Of course, what else could it be?"

Sirius pulled back, rather surprised by the bitter answer, and dragged his brows further together. Peter beside him had become smaller in the last seconds, his smile had vanished entirely and he looked like he was reaching for the door in case anything happened.

"Can you finish that already and come with us? The girls are waiting" Sirius hurried, folding his arms.

"I can't" Remus spat.

"Really, Remus? Is searching for a dead girl more important than the birthday of your friend?" Sirius finally exploded.

"Yes, yes it is! If I'm not looking for the answer then no one else will" Remus put the diary down hard on the desk.

"She's dead, Remus! You didn't even know her! Just get over it already" Sirius stepped closer, arms up in the air "You need to live more in the present and let the past be that...the past"

He couldn't count the times he'd heard that before. People telling him to try and move on from his past. From his parents as if it was that easy. But he will never move on, he knows he'll never stop thinking about them.

Because if he did, who else would think about them? He didn't have much family left, at least not one that cared enough to reach out or even send a note.

"You say that 'cause all of you can afford to leave in that fantasy, but some people can't, some people have to fight for their lives every day and against people like you" he pointed at Sirius with his finger, the known poison starting to run through his veins already. Heart pumping fast, and heat coming to his face.

"What does that even have to do with anything?!" Sirius exclaimed loudly.

"What 'm doing here is important"

"Is friendship not important to you?" Sirius asked sincerely, with no tint of joke or sarcasm in his words.

"There are more important things in life" Remus stated.

"Like what?" Sirius appeared to not understand that there could be anything else more important than your friends.

"Justice," Remus said. Sirius stared at him for some long silent seconds, he parted his lips to say something but finally retracted and just stepped back with a scoff.

"Whatever, continue playing vigilante of the dead" he shrugged and turned around "C'mon, Wormy" he signed Peter, who seemed to have become invisible through all the discussion, his lips pressed together tightly and his eyes swiftly passing between the two.

The two boys exited the room and Remus was left alone again, with his anger and frustration. He slammed his hands over the desk and then let himself fall on his chair, defeated. He passed a hand over his face and peaked over to his work on Olivia's life. He considered for a second throwing everything away and going after Sirius and Peter, he wasn't getting anywhere, anyway.

But no, he was better than that. He wouldn't give up. He was right, if he didn't do that nobody else would, and maybe it was a 40-year-old mystery that led to nowhere, but Olivia deserved justice and Remus needed to know what else was Hogwarts Academy hiding underground.

March 27th, 1996

"Psst...psst...Moony" he felt being moved that next morning. His eyelids opened heavily and he saw Sirius standing beside his bed. His eyes focused some seconds later and he saw the other boy's expression. Lips pressed tight and a small frown that sent lines over his forehead. He seemed conflicted between anger and shame.

"Uh?" was the only thing he could mumble as he sat up on his forearms.

"Are you coming to wake up James?" he asked carefully, as if he was afraid of the answer.

Remus blinked a couple of times, he would've expected more bitterness from the other boy. He wasn't a stranger to Sirius' mean side. How could the boy just see you with disdain and act as if you were just rock in his shoe.

But now Sirius looked more like a little kid trying to ask something risky to their parents, already expecting a 'no' and accepting it before it could even come out of his mouth.

He cleared his throat before speaking " 'course" he peeled the sheets off his body and jumped out of his bed as Sirius raised his eyebrows with surprise.

"Right, come, Wormy's already waiting inside" he signed with his head, grabbed the scarlet-wrapped gift from his bed, and went out of their dorm.

They went inside room C-11 and met Peter, who looked cautiously between the two -afraid he might say something wrong and start another fight- and gave them their respective party hats and party blowers.

Remus just then realized that it was the first time he participated in one of the 'Marauders' special birthday-mornings'. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't even remember how that Spanish song that James sang went.

Sirius tapped James on the shoulder, waking him up. The other boy woke up immediately, as if he has been expecting the cue to finally be awake; he propped his glasses over his nose quickly and stared at them with a smile.

"By the rules of the Marauders," Sirius said, in the same tone he had used some weeks before on his birthday "it is mandatory for each member of the group to receive the annual sacred hymn to inaugurate thy birthday. On my sign, three, two, one..." Sirius and Peter began singing the song at the same time. Remus switched his eyes between the three boys panicked, not knowing what to do.

The song wasn't even as good as it was when James sang it. Peter and Sirius completely butchered the pronunciation, the only thing saving it was Sirius' voice; and, at the same time, Remus blew the party blower trying to follow the rhythm of a song he didn't know. In the end, it sounded as if there was someone choking a goose beside them.

James on the other hand was laughing and grinning hard at them. The birthday boy looked amused, his dimples carved deeply beside his lips.

When the other two finished singing, James clapped proudly and wiped fake tears under his glasses.

"If Vicente Fernandez could hear you, he'd probably have a heart attack," James said happily, with a hand over his chest.

"Happy Birthday, Prongs!" Peter and Sirius said. The last boy threw himself at his best friend and got him in a headlock and messed his hair more -if that even was possible-.

"Ah! Cabrón!" James laughed and pushed Sirius away, playfully. When the two boys finished wrestling, Remus stepped closer with a shy smile.

"Happy Birthday, Prongs," he said.

"Thanks, Moony" James smiled.

"Here, open it!" Sirius practically shoved the gift into James' hands and the other boy received it with shining eyes. When he opened it, he revealed a box of sour candies, a painting of some landscape Remus didn't recognize, and a CD with the words 'Songs that remind us of you' written over the transparent case.

His eyes lit up even further and his smile grew so much that Remus wondered how his face wasn't hurting.

"I love it! Thank you lads!" he exclaimed with excitement. Remus felt his stomach turning with guilt, he hadn't participated in anything regarding James' birthday, at first he thought it wasn't a big deal. But birthdays were important to James and the boy was so grateful and happy of the gifts the three of them supposedly gave him that Remus only felt disgust for himself.

A real friend you are, he thought.

"Oh, and you made this Wormy?!" James grabbed the painting and inspected it closer.

"Yes," Peter grinned, his blue eyes shining like two diamonds "It's the lake near James' house at Devon" he explained looking at Sirius and him.

"Oh, right...you've been there" Sirius recalled.

"It's my family's Summer house" James added, looking at Remus "maybe you two can come this Summer!" the boy suggested.

"Well, y'know that my parents won't let me, but it's nice to dream" Sirius sat down beside his best friend and put a hand over his shoulder with a sad smile.

"We can try again! And Remus you have to come too! My parents can talk to yours and settle everything!" he said eagerly, Remus raised his eyebrows and held back a snarky comment.

"Sure James, we'll see" Remus replied, not wanting to crush James' dream. He'll do it when it wasn't his birthday.

Hell, when had he become so soft?

"Yes! Imagine that Wormy, it won't be us two anymore, but the whole gang, we could spend the days..." James got into a vivid conversation with Peter about everything they would do in Summer.

Remus dragged his eyes away from the birthday boy and met Sirius' gray gaze. Remus tensed up for a millisecond, remembering the last time they had talked they were fighting; but Sirius snorted and gave him a small smile.

Remus knew that it was because he was the only one who had caught the lie he'd told James. Remus didn't say or do anything, but at least he knew by Sirius' gesture that he didn't hate him completely and maybe Remus could say something to him.

But he'll do it after, at that moment the focus of the group was their friend.

The walk to the Dining Hall was completely chaotic, people stopped them every two meters to wish James a Happy Birthday. Students from  first year up to thirteenth came to say something to the boy.

It seemed like James' birthday was a 'Gryffindor celebration'.

No. It was a Hogwarts Celebration.

One of the chefs, who knew James, prepared a special breakfast just for him: a tall waffle stack drowned in syrup.

The entire Lions Team came to their table and did a big 'show' for James. They brought a cake and smashed it into James' face and after they started hooting and shouting, making what looked like a small party in the Dining Hall at 7 A.M. McGonagall stopped the celebration promptly before wishing James a Happy Birthday and giving him a warm smile.

But none of that seemed to matter besides what happened next: Lily, Marlene, and Mary walked to the table, the redhead smiling shyly before standing beside James.

"Happy Birthday, Potter," she said and hugged him. James looked like he could shoot out of the Hall and into the sky like a rocket.

"Thanks, Evans" James told her, trying to sound nonchalant but his face revealed everything.

"Happy Birthday, James!" Marlene and Mary said.

"Cheers, girls"

"A year older, a year wiser" Marlene commented with a snort.

"The question is would you use this new-acquired wisdom for something important?" Lily added, raising her eyebrows.

"Football strategies and pranks are very important, Evans, let me tell you" James stated.

"Boring" Mary commented rolling her eyes.

"Why don't use it for something else?" Lily wondered.

"I can use it to learn how to be the man of your dreams" James turned to Lily. The redhead looked shocked at first, color coming into her cheeks, but then she made a face.

"Believe me Potter, the man of my dreams is nothing like you" she laughed "more like...Hugh Grant"

"What?!" James exclaimed, almost offended "he's as interesting as a wet paper towel"

"That's what you boys think when you know you can't compete with a man like him," Mary said, looking at something on her nails.

"Ok, we're not discussing this right now" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I agree" Marlene added.

"How's your ankle by the way?" Lily suddenly asked, her tone changing from annoyance to real concern and interest.

"Oh, 's fine, what's killing me more it's not being able to play still" James threw his head back.

"I can imagine," Lily laughed, looking only at James. Remus suddenly felt like they were all spectators of a movie. One that only featured Lily and James "well, continue having a great birthday"

"Thanks," when the girls finally walked away, James turned around and with all seriousness asked, "d'you think Hugh Grant looks anything like me?"

As the day progressed, it was even clearer that James was Hogwarts' Golden Boy. Every single one of the teachers that day wished him a Happy Birthday, and they all appeared to be as happy as James just by looking at him. At lunch, James showed them a box that had come in his mail, it was from his parents, of course. It included an assortment of sweets and treats, a new pair of sneakers and the latest version of the Liverpool jersey.

Remus couldn't help but feel a twinge in his heart, always thinking of how other people were so lucky to have everything as he was left with nothing.

He shook his head and called himself a bad friend for the second time that day. He had been behaving like one for the last couple of days, but honestly, he didn't know how else to behave. He wanted to suppress all of those nasty feelings, he wished they didn't come as naturally as they did.

James deserved better than that.

James was the best friend one could have, Remus on the other hand thought as himself as the worst.

The last class of the day, French, rolled around, and Remus was finally alone with James. He couldn't help but feel guilty, even if he had not done anything against James directly he had behaved like an asshole.

The best thing he could do now was try to be that friend James deserved.

"So...Lily" Remus mentioned as D'Voux was busy giving back the test they had done last week.

"I know!" James shouted excitedly, making Remus jump a little bit " 'm gonna talk to her tonight at my party" this shook Remus.

"You know about the party?!" he asked mortified, he knew how stressed Sirius had been the last few days planning the 'surprise' party, only for it not to be a surprise anymore.

" 'course" he shrugged simply "I plan it every year for my birthday, I always make sure it's the best party for everyone" he nodded proudly.

"But Sirius said it was a surprise party" Remus frowned.

"Well yeah, Pads insisted that he'd be the one planning the party this year. He asked me for it" James explained "but don't worry I'll act surprised" he assured "and anyways, I guess the surprise is how well it's gonna come out now that's only him and well...you and Pete"

Remus hissed internally, feeling that guilt spreading all over his chest and coming down his intestines in the worst way. He had to say something.

"Well, I really haven't been helping that much" he scratched the back of his and pulled his eyes away " 'been busy with Olivia's diary" he confessed " 'm sorry"

"That's okay, Moony, I know how important that is for you" he pat his shoulder with the warmest smile "Pads and Wormtail know how to manage on their own"

Please don't be this nice. Please just be mad at me and tell me I'm the worst. A dick. That I don't deserve your friendship, that would be easier.

Remus wanted to throw up.

"Lupin, Potter" D'Voux called them. They walked over to the desk and grabbed their tests.

Remus wasn't expecting a great grade. Maybe a C, and that was him being delusional; so when he saw an 'A' written on the top right corner he froze in place. It couldn't be real, it was too good to be true. He had never gotten over a B in French and suddenly he had an A? There had to be something wrong...right?

"Prongs can I see your test? What did you get?" he asked as he walked back to their table.

"An A" he replied as he gave him his test "Oh you got an A! Congratulations, Moony!" James cheered but he was too focused on comparing both tests, he noticed, then, that something was definitely wrong there.

"I don't understand" he mumbled as he went over the two exams for a second time.

"What?"

"We have completely different answers and yet we still have the same grade" he pointed out.

"Let me see, maybe there are some answers that can vary and still be correct" James grabbed Remus, tested and read it. As he went along, his frown just grew bigger and bigger.

"Uh- I don't know," he said carefully, like he didn't want to break the bad news "I mean, yeah... your test is not that great, you have a lot of grammar mistakes and answers that don't make sense even" Remus pressed his lips together tightly and looked at the teacher.

Was this a cruel joke? He knew D'Voux didn't like him, but would the professor go as far as faking a good grade just to make him angry?

"Wait 'til class is over and ask him" James suggested and he nodded.

The last minutes of the class were eternally long. When the bell finally rang, Remus waited for everyone to get out so he could talk with Mr. DVoux privately.

"Do you want me to be here with you?" James asked with all seriousness.

"Thanks but it's your birthday Prongs, you should be celebrating, go" he signed at the door with his chin.

"I'll wait for you outside," James told him before walking out of the class.

When Remus was finally alone with the teacher he stepped closer to his desk and cleared his throat.

"Uhm...Mr. D'Voux?" he asked, unsure.

"What do you want Lupin? I have a meeting to go to in just a few minutes" the teacher said as he hurriedly grabbed everything on his desk and scrunched it inside his saddle.

"Er- I wanted to ask you about my grade..." he began.

"Do you have a complaint? Is A not high enough for you, Mr. Lupin?" he asked in a sarcastic tone.

Remus scowled "Well...it's actually too high considering all the other grades I've gotten"

D'Voux laughed bitterly and closed the buckle on his saddle "I don't understand, you students you complain because you have a bad grade and you also complain when you have a good grade. So what is it that you want really?!" he walked to the door with long strides and Remus followed him.

"It doesn't make sense that somebody like me has the same grade as somebody like James for example" he pointed out "and it's obvious it was you that altered my grade because my test is sh-bad"

D'Voux halted and turned around with a swoosh, he sighed deeply before responding:

"Do you want to know the truth? Then ask your friend Black about it" Remus frowned even deeper "now if you don't mind I have things to do. Au re voir" D'Voux bolted out of the classroom and Remus was left petrified in the spot.

Ask your friend Black about it.

The phrase repeated itself over and over again like an echo inside Remus' head. His brain already forming ideas and theories about it, but every single one of them came to the same nasty conclusion:

Sirius was responsible.

He crammed his test between his tightened fist and stomped out of the classroom.

"Moony, what happened? Are you alright?" James asked, walking quickly beside him, but Remus was seeing red, his ears thumping from the blood flowing rapidly inside his brain, the heat and adrenaline already racing his heart as he moved outside the castle and into Godric's Campus.

He came into Lion and went to their room but he wasn't there. James was behind him, following like a lost puppy and continuously asking questions that were all left unanswered.

"Have you seen Sirius?" Remus asked Patil who was just resting in the Common Room.

"Uh, I think I saw him going into Scarlet with Peter" Patil answered, slightly scared.

Remus left Lion Building and practically ran to Scarlet. He felt a bomb ticking inside him, and he knew it would explode the moment he find Sirius.

He ignored the complains of the girls at Scarlet and climbed the stairs up to Marlene and Lily's room. When he burst open the door, everyone inside the room jumped.

"Remus?" Lily asked at the same time Remus entered the room yelling.

"You!" he pointed at Sirius.

"Me?" the long-haired boy asked, visibly confused.

"What the fuck 've you done?" he spat furiously.

"What d'you mean?" Sirius asked panicked, his gray eyes shifting all across Remus' face, searching for an answer.

"What the hell d'you told D'Voux? Why's he altering my grades?" at that moment Remus saw the realization shining through Sirius' eyes.