Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Red.

Red like a spilled glass of wine pools on the dirt in his blurred vision. This wasn't wine. He hadn't even gotten a drink yet, he should have been seeing fine.

He lifts a trembling hand to his head. His hair was wet like he had been dunked in the river, but there wasn't any water here. Just dirt and trees. Was it blood? His head was spinning like something had been dropped from miles up onto him.

“What..?” He tries to sit up but something forces him back down. It's the size of a foot and is accompanied by the sound of a sword being unsheathed. 

“I’ve had enough of you,” A voice relatively unfamiliar hisses and grinds their heel into his head. “Your terrorizing ends now, I don't care what the baron might feel. I can't take it anymore.”

Shit.

This wasn't good. He tries to crawl but his legs feel like gelatin, nothing moves the way it's supposed to and the world is swimming. Right feels like left, up, and down all at once. There's no way to get away like this.

“I'm going to be killed, I haven't even made it to the bar yet.” He finds himself thinking. “I'm going to die sober… This isn't fair.” He can't tell if he's crying or if it's blood dripping into or from his eyes. 

“Help,” He begs softly. He had wanted to scream but he couldn't find the strength. “Someone…” He manages to drag himself forward just a bit before collapsing again. Dirt gets under his nails, caked up by the moisture from blood. He knows he shouldn't be bleeding this much from a hit over the head. What the hell happened?

Every move is far too difficult. He rests his head on the ground and sees a familiar boot, the ones issued to the soldiers of the Frontera barony. It's unmistakable with the standard issue trousers to match. One of his father's own soldiers. The men he would torment with violent assaults and language, knowing any honorable man would not strike back.

This man was probably honorable though, doing his father a favor. Lloyd could tell the family hated him, they had no reason not to. If his father were standing here now, he would only save him out of familial obligation. The same obligation that has mothers tell their children to give drunkard fathers a chance because “well, he is your dad. Thats just what family does.”

“You have only yourself to blame,” they growl. Lloyd watches them approach, vision so blurry now he can hardly discern one thing from another. 

“Why is this happening? I’m the baron's son, aren't I? They're just supposed to grin and bear it, they're not supposed to hurt me... So why?”

He closes his eyes. “If this is how it ends, there's nothing I can do...I just wish I had a drink first.”

He opens his eyes, the warm orange light of a burning fire is obscured by a figure standing in front of it.

“Huh..?” He sits up but finds himself to be still a little dizzy. Not as much as he was, but it's enough to make him hold his head. “The fuck is going on?” He can feel bandages, there are bandages everywhere, over his eye and all around his head. they're on his torso too, he can feel them, and some are wrapped around his hands.

“You're awake.” It's not a voice of elation. No, in his head he can tell they wished he hadn't. Javier Asrahan, he had a voice impossible to misplace. “I’m going to go tell the Baron and Baroness.” He turns around from his place before the fireplace.

“Wait-” Lloyd yells like his usual self but winces. “Wait, hold up just a second,” He groans and closes his eyes hoping the headache would leave soon. 

“What is it, Master Lloyd?” His tone is flat and modulated like always. 

“What happened to me? How did I get back home?” 

When he asks that, Javier looks almost mournful. His jaw sets but nothing else on his face gives way to particularly strong emotion. Still, it's obvious he's upset about something. 

“I stopped your attacker. They have been exiled for their crime at Baron Frontera’s behest.” And how unfair was that? To do the world a favor and pay for it? It's too cruel, he thinks, but it would be crueler to let them get away with it and let the baron's son die. He couldn't do it, not after Baron Arcos was so kind to him. If he wanted this lousy waste of space to live, he would keep him alive no matter what.

“......” Lloyd is quiet for a bit, so long that Javier takes it as his queue to leave. He looks after Javier to stop him again but notices quickly he actually doesn't have anything to say. It would be pointless.

“...Would he have saved me if he didn't have to?” He asks looking down at his hands laced together on his bedsheets. “Tch, of course not.” It's a foolish thing to even ask, even with that in mind his eyes water, and tears drip down onto his hands. Embarrassing, he thinks.

“Everything was fine, I could do whatever I wanted, so why?” He grits his teeth despite how it hurt his head to do so. “It's not supposed to be like that. They're supposed to know their place.” but even thats all just a lie.

He was the son of a baron who didn't know his place. He knew it well too, he knew well he wasn't in it. He was nothing like the respectable son expected of a noble family. Even if things are supposed to be one way it's not always going to turn out that way. It's so obvious, and yet here he was asking why. To step out of line and expect others to stay in it, he can't help but curse his own stupidity. 

He reaches up and wipes his eyes, the one covered in bandages aches a bit from the tears and the touch but it doesn't matter.

“It's not-” but before he can finish the door opens, and standing on the other side is his mother at Jaiver’s side.

“Lloyd!” She runs to his side, but thinking better of his injury doesn't tackle him into her arms like she wants to. “Oh, my Lloyd, I’m so sorry,” She cries, taking his hands from his face and holding them in hers. “We got the best doctors we could, You're going to be fine, alright?” 

She knows his disposition, he's going to brush her off like always. Still, he was her son. She had to tell him everything his parents were doing to help him.

“Mother…” Lloyd sniffles. “Mother, I…” He can't find the words, it's too overwhelming how he feels at first. How could she be so kind to him despite everything? Before, when the world worked as it should, it was obvious. Every mother grins and bears their children no matter what but even that doesn't have to be true.

His eyes flick to Javier. Orphans don't just crop up when their parents die. Sometimes they're made from bad children left abandoned. How lucky he was to have a mother like her, but perhaps thats just the near-death experience talking. Why was he having this thought only now if not that?

“I’m sorry,” He admits shakily much to his mother's surprise. “I made things hard for you,” He admits under the weight of his memory. He was someone worth killing to a complete stranger, what a delight it would be for those who had seen the full expanse of his rotten soul.

“Oh? Lloyd, what are you saying? Why are you apologizing when you were the one attacked?” 

She asks him this, but he doesn't reply, just pulls her by the arms into an embrace, crying into her shoulder. He knows his old self would be cringing at the whole ordeal, but a part of him knows that soldier killed just enough of the old him from before that night. Nothing can go back to being the same now.

“Oh Lloyd…” She hugs him back. Even though he was in pain some part of her felt joy. Finally, she could hold him in her arms as a mother should. He had spent his whole life shoving her away, a man unscrupulous enough to hurt his own mother he was. To have him like this now she couldn't help but feel an old urge was finally satisfied.

Watching from the doorway, Javier keeps his expression trained. What a miserable sight, what a pathetic thing to witness. How pitiable to see a woman burdened with such a son. He feels a pang of guilt, he shouldn't be thinking such things but it's hard not to when human garbage Lloyd Frontera is involved.

“Javier,” Arcos says rushing over intending to get into the room as well. “If you would,” He asks as Javier moves out of the way to let him in.

“Of course.” And with both the Baron and Baroness here, he takes his leave to let them talk in peace.

The next morning, Lloyd wakes up to the sunlight shining on his face.

“Eugh,” He scoffs, reaching up to cover his eyes with an arm.

“Good morning master Lloyd.” His tone is as cordial as he can make it, but thats not much. “Do you have plans for today?”

Lloyd rolls over and groans, throwing the pillow over his head as he does. “Piss off.” He grunts.

“Funny,” Javier says walking across the room attending to various small chores that needed doing on the way. Moving something on a shelf to a neater spot, straightening up paper. “I expected you to say that to your mother last night. You’ve always spoken that way.”

Lloyd sits up and scowls. “Who the hell are you talkin' to?” It's pure muscle memory at this point. He can't help the way rage boils up inside him, it's so natural that it takes him a moment to remember the events of the other night.

 “I don't care what the baron might feel. I can't take it anymore.” 

The words cause him more panic than he had anticipated, his heart racing with fear. Jaiver for all his loyalty was just a human. Even he had to have limits to his patience. If things could change so quickly in the heart of a soldier, who was to say they wouldn't change in Javier?

Javier turns around from what he's doing to look at him, not glare, just look. Still, to Lloyd he might as well have been approaching with his blade drawn because he found himself crawling away, falling off the bed when he tries to put his hand down and balance himself in the space off the side of his bed.

He gives a pathetic squeal and hits the floor, the pain in his head is still so agonizing that the moment he hits the ground he's out like a light, the last thing he hears from Javier being a worried “Oh no,” as he runs to catch him.

He wakes up again in bed. He was getting tired of this already.

“Hm…” But looking around no one was in his room this time. Good.

He sits up and looks around some more. The sun was shining even brighter. It must have been afternoon. Some things were missing now, he knew that many of their items were being taken for foreclosure so it made sense. Still, not even a mirror was left for him to inspect the injury he had not yet seen. 

“God, what a fucking mess.” He sighs. “It's about time I finally got free of this bed. Wheres my clothes?” He stands from the bed and heads off to go find them. He was wearing pajamas, he hadn't been wearing them when he was attacked and it annoyed him. Even if it was his mother who did it, he hated being changed by others even when it was an unavoidable necessity.

“When I die, just bury me raw in the clothes I die in.” He would often say to the chagrin of his parents. They understood why but to be saying such grim things so young. It worried them he had intentions of dying early at first. As if.

He makes his way through the room to the closet and pulls a few things out to wear, dressing up while trying not to agitate his injury any further. His mouth is dry, there's only one way to fix that.

“Alright.” He's dressed. The pub was waiting. “Let's go.” He says under his breath as he's heading for the door. 

It's only when he has his hand on the knob that a thought occurs to him. Would he really be safe out there? His palms sweat and his heart races. What a terrible burden to carry, new feelings of fear that had never plagued him before.

Anyone could hurt him. 

“What's happening to me..?” He asks in frustration under his breath. Was he truly so scared of the world from one attempt on his life? What a coward.

“.....” His inability to open the door suggested as much.

“...Well, if thats the case, I’ll just get some from the kitchen,”

Chapter Text

The staff part when he passes, his pale expression of fear is taken to be rage. In the past, fear and rage were basically the same for him. No one wants to stand in his way. It's fine, he thinks, that is until it hits him. 

“Anyone can kill you here, they don't have to be soldiers.” Poison, a sneak attack in his sleep, a loyal dog mauling him, thousands of things. He can't help but catastrophize after the other night. No one is trustworthy anymore.

 Looking at a maid sheepishly hiding in the corner, he nods a bit to her and moves on. Everyone is baffled, but he doesn't linger long enough to explain himself. If the people hate him less, perhaps he won't be hurt. A little kindness, however sudden, must be worth something.

“Then again…” He recalls a bitter memory. “Even the good people, the ones that like you, hurt you. Don't they?” 

And as if his musing had summoned the cause of that bitter thought, Neumann passes by, not paying him any mind as he goes. Lloyd freezes, watching him go carefully. The logical part of him knows not to hang around gawking. Moving on like he doesn't notice him would get him less attention but his fear glues his feet to the floor. He watches him pass like a madman, glaring holes into the back of his head.

Neumann doesn't regard him at all and continues his stride with no acknowledgment. He rounds a corner and Lloyd leaves in a hurry.

“How strange,” One maid whispers to another. “What was that meant to be? Why did he nod at her?”

The maids flock together to discuss. They spend a bit catastrophizing, finally deciding that perhaps he intended to attack her later.

She looks as if she's going to cry before an older maid stumbles on the scene, clapping her hands and ordering them to return to their work.

He had wine now and a new sense of agoraphobia he had not recently possessed. He sits by a window in the estate's library with a glass in one hand and an apple in the other.

Most of the books had been cleared off the shelves to prepare them for their foreclosures. Just a miserable stack of homeless books remained on one shoddily built table in the corner of the room.

“...Hm.” 

He hadn't really thought about it, how many things were going to be taken. It was only now as he walked the halls of his home for once that he could see the true magnitude of the situation. They were going to lose everything it seemed. Shelves, rugs, clutter, pictures, it seemed as if they would rip tiles and wood from the floor if they could.

“Tch, guess they're gonna pull that brat outta school soon.” He scoffs but the thought brings him great sadness. He didn't hate his brother, just what he represented. A child of the Fronteras who could do everything they wanted, it's hard not to be a little envious.

He recalls a conversation from his childhood. He and his father sat alone in this very library reading a book on their family history.

“Your grandfather, Julian Frontera was a kind man. Talented beyond his years, he was a proud sorcerer and a savior of many in this land during painful days.” Arcos tells him. Really, all the man had done was a few little spells here and there when times were rough like conjuring a little fire or fixing up old broken things a bit.

Lloyd sat in his lap, though thats not what he had been called at the time, looking down at the beautifully drawn portrait of his grandfather. The memory of that time isn't bitter, even if he wasn't quite himself at that time.

“Is that the guy you named me after?” Lloyd asks, his long hair in two pigtails that were lovingly curled at the ends by Marbella. He twirls the end of one in his free hand by habit, something he still did to this day with the bangs in his eyes.

Arcos hugs his then daughter from behind and nods. “Indeed, my precious Juliette," He starts fondly. "Hopefully, you will live a life just as lovely as he did.” He smiles and places a hand tenderly on the drawing of his father in the book. “I hope that you can be as kind and happy as he was, nothing would make me happier, my dear.”

Lloyd now, the man preset in the library scowls out the window.

“Kind he says,” With a shake of his head and a sip of wine he sighs. “Well, sorry to ruin your dreams, father.” He stands up and heads for the books on the table. “But you got what you wanted in the end at least, sorta.” 

Julian was everything his parents had wanted. It was divine mercy that Lloyd had changed his name, an even greater blessing that Julian had begged to change his name now that the name Julian was free to use.

"If Lloyd can change his name, why can't I change mine?" He had asked. "I can take grandfather's name if he doesn't want it!" And Lloyd didn't want it. It didn't really suit him the way Lloyd did. That was fine, it was just the feelings he got from the fact that his parents were so damn happy about it. He wonders if perhaps his parents were so willing to let him change his name because it was better to let their second try at a good kid wear the honorable Julian's name.

He sifts through the novels and junk until he finds that old book, the Tome of Frontera Family History, updated each time one would come to live and then die. 

“Hm,” He tries to imagine what his entry in the book would say. “The good for nothing drunk who died as talentless and unremarkably as he lived.” He muses out loud. 

But still, he was fascinated. Julian Frontera, his grandfather Julian, he had been a sorcerer huh?

“Wonder if we inherited any books?” He says looking at the rest of the pile. 

He chugs the rest of his wine and tosses the glass aside, letting it shatter on the floor. There were more important things to think about now than that thing.

He searches, but the pile of books left behind while large was not enough to fill the shelves awaiting their seizure. If there had been books on magic, they had long since been sold away it seems.

“Shit. That sucks.” He sighs. “What a fuckin waste.” He tosses the book in his hand, a fantasy novel, aside on the floor too. “All this important family history and you just sell it? How desperate can you b..?” But he stops himself. How desperate were they indeed?

It all finally hits him. The answer to that question was harrowing. They were very desperate. To sell a family heirloom so precious, a belonging of someone who Arcos named both of his children after, the desperation was probably chewing them alive.

“In a situation like theirs, I think I would just…” He trails off. He didn't have a strong work ethic. Things like that were like pulling teeth. If he had to do too much he would often find himself wishing for death, and that was just small stuff like cleaning himself or his space some days. With such a heavy depression lingering over him it just couldn't be helped sometimes.

 If his parents were forced to work even harder than that, even being dependable people who were not lazy, how much can a person work for nothing before giving up?

“Master Lloyd.” Interrupting his thoughts, It's that asshole again. 

Lloyd grimaces and turns to Javier in the doorway. “What?” 

Javier arches a brow, it's a more neutral response than usual. Just one word, no insults or anything. “...I was told you were harassing maids on your way to the kitchen, I came to check on you.” He lets himself into the library and closes the door. 

“Well I wasn't, those people just think I was because I always do.” He picks up a book and pretends to read so he doesn't have to look at him. “I just wanted some wine and to… I dunno, say hello or whatever?” 

“Say hello?”

Lloyd groans. “Yes? I'm not allowed to just say hello now?”

“It's unusual.”

Lloyd grumbles instead of replying, making his way back over to the window to sit. 

“You're reading?” Javier observes after a moment of silence. 

“Yes? What? I'm not allowed to read or something either?” 

Javier could tell he was frustrated. It was obvious and yet he wasn't lashing out like usual. It feels like some sort of surreal dream until he remembers that people often change after violent attacks.

“Thats not it, just unusual,” Javier repeats. “You're acting different, is it because of the attack from the other night?” He asks purely out of curiosity and not concern. It really is peculiar. 

“Hm.” Lloyd clenches his jaw, holding in his explosive anger as best as he can. Even though he wanted to act reasonably, he could just tell Javier was taking advantage of his uncharacteristic meekness. If there was one thing in this world he hated, it was being looked down on. Still, fear keeps him under control. 

“Bet you acted the same when your family died.” Lloyd harshes, that self-control lasts only a few seconds before he just has to say something cruel.

“You…” Javier scowls at him, rage boiling in his eyes that Lloyd tries not to pay mind to.

“I never wanted to be like this you know,” Lloyd admits. “You must think I'm so fuckin shitty, you feel so justified to harass me now that I'm scared because you hate me.” It's so sudden, the way he feels cornered and lost. He can hardly believe he's saying these things he had refused to discuss until now.

“I never said I-”

Lloyd flings his book at him. The Boy Who Cried Wolf hits Jaivers chest and falls to the floor with a soft thud. “But you DO hate me, you don't have to say that shit to make it obvious!” He stands up and glowers. “If you just knew, you wouldn't do this to me! You’d flog yourself in shame!” 

“You're acting senselessly, you must be drunk already,” Javier says rubbing his chest and flattening the wrinkles of his coat. “I don't have time to argue if you're drinking.” 

Lloyd sighs and sits back down, leaning on the window. “It's all Neumann's fault I’m like this, but I know you won't believe me.” He confesses. “He gave me the wine back then, I didn't steal it.” 

Javier scowls again. “You're dishonest, I have no reason to trust your word.”

Lloyd ignores his accusation. “He told me that if I got caught, I would be able to blame you since you're just some outsider nobody.”

Javier huffs, furious, and turns around. “If you need me I am outside.” He tells him curtly. He wasn't going to sit around and listen to this.

Lloyd sighs. It had been that way with his parents too.

“How could you say such a thing?” Arcos had asked him, his brows furrowed. “Sir Neumann has honorably served our family for many years, to imply that he would do something so irresponsible just to try and get yourself out of trouble…” He had never seen his father this angry, even with his voice low and smooth he could feel each word like a painful lashing.

“You lied about the broken window, lied about to torn up curtains, lied about the horse released from the stables, lied about the guest stealing the money left on my desk, lied about Javier stealing my papers, lied about Marbella misplacing my wallet, what gives you the idea I would believe this of all things?”

Lloyd grimaces at the memory. It made sense, why would he or anyone have trusted him? It would have been foolish.

“I'm being honest now!” He had shouted at Arcos. “Why can't you just trust me!?”

Arcos just glared. “You and Sir Neumann used to get along so well, and now you're turning on even him like this? He was the only one who could make you behave and now we have lost even that?” He huffs and turns away. “I wish…” But he doesn't finish the thought. 

Lloyd knows what he means. He knows that he wishes he would shut up and go back to being good with Neumann. Wishes he would get out of his hair and just be good, but there were too many things about the man his father did not know. It was impossible to ever go back to being friends with that man.

“You are going to go and apologize for this,” Arcos tells him. “And you will never speak badly of Sir Neumann again.” 

Lloyd had deflated at that. His father wasn't going to hear the truth from him.

“Fine, but he's going to be cruel to me,” Lloyd tells him, a last attempt to warn him of the danger he was about to walk into.

“Each of your actions has consequences, Lloyd,” Arcos grumbles. “If he scolds you, it's your own fault.”

Chapter Text

Neumann is much taller than him at the age of 13. 

Lloyd shifts awkwardly under the man's gaze.

“You told your father…” It's not a question, just an acknowledgment.

Lloyd stays silent.

“And then he sent you to apologize.” He pauses for a long while before he chuckles a bit and smirks. “Did you get what you were hoping for?”

Silence. The young man looks away, his eyes wet. It seemed obvious what the answer was, he wouldn't be here right now if he had.

“What were you expecting Master Lloyd? You haven't figured it out yet?” He reaches over and rests a hand on the young man's head. At one point it would have been a welcome gesture, but now it just felt patronizing.

Lloyd shrugs.

“There was once a time when your family might have believed you, back when we were good friends, but after you started to act out again they lost trust in you.” He ruffles his hair and Lloyd wants to swat him away but he doesn't. “I told you that would happen.”

“I only stopped listening to you because you wanted to make me do bad things.” Lloyd insists sharply. “Things I shouldn't be doing.”

Neumann arches a brow. "And what of it?" He asks. "Were you not always fairly compensated?" 

Lloyd frowns. "... You made me steal from my own family." 

"I didn't make you." 

As a child, he couldn't argue. As a man, however, he could see just how insidious the Knight really was. Each time he stole something he was allowed a drink or two of wine as a reward. At first, it was just small things. Just a few coins here and there to test the waters. He couldn't have known at the time what it was leading up to. Even now in his adulthood, there were things about their relationship he had not discovered the truth about.

"You did it all of your own free will. You're a selfish boy, Lloyd. As long as you're satisfied it didn't really matter, did it?"

He couldn’t argue with that either in his youth. Wine, beer, and booze had become like some sort of holy ichor, he felt like he was less himself, like he was dying, when he wasn't drinking. Days would go by where he hadn't stolen and he thought he would really would rot away if he didn't get what he wanted.

His thievery became more intense. Jewelry, pricy personal belongings, anything of value he could get his hands on. In desperation, he had just started stealing random papers from his father's study hoping that maybe Neumann would find something useful in them if it meant he could get one more drink. Maybe info and juicy gossip? Pay information? Anything, anything for one more drink.

It was abundantly clear that there was something wrong with him feeling that way. This was something only adults struggled with. Still, who could he talk to that wouldn't treat him badly? He had started acting a little better to avoid suspicion, but if his parents knew what he was doing they would most certainly kill him for pretending to be good. Neumann said so. It's why no one could know. It was his fault, he had taken the first sip after all.

"Well, I'm done. I got in trouble because of you." Lloyd insists. “You don't even care what I take, you just give me drinks for anything. There's no reason for me to do this.”

Neumann sneers, how hilarious. 

"You'll be back in a few days time." He chuckles. "You can't go very long without a drink."

And he had been right. It took two weeks before he was standing at Neumann's door with office supplies and an old golden hairpin his father had given him.

Lloyd frowns. "How humiliating." He sighs. But the memory brings up a thought. What happened to all that stuff? Some of these items were very valuable. Did he sell them? Keep them? What happened to those valuable things?

“Sheesh, I’m really getting my feet in the shit now, huh?” He groans. 

Standing up, he grabs the book he had thrown at Javier and puts it back on the table. It was time to face his greatest fear. Neumann.

On his way out he tells Javier to leave him be. Javier doesn't seem displeased by the order.

He's not hard to find. Being an old friend, he's predictable. He finds Neumann lingering out alone in the west wing of the house where his own room is. 

When Lloyd approaches, he's got his hand on the wall, smoothing out wallpaper that had become slightly crinkled. Facing away he wasn't as intimidating.

“Oi, Neumann,” Lloyd calls, trying to sound casual but failing. His voice wavers and he suddenly feels very small again. “You busy?” He asks trying not to sound sheepish.

Neumann jolts, turning around quickly.

“And for what reason would you be talking to me after all these years? I thought you had enough of me when you were what? fourteen or so?”

Lloyd shrugs, feigning a laid-back vibe. “It's been years and you're still hung up on that?” He asks plainly, trying to ignore the urge to run away and forget this stupid shit. “Listen, I'm an adult now so it's in the past. Can we just talk?”

Neumann crosses his arms and leans on the wall, probably crinkling the wallpaper again. “What is it that you want to discuss?”

“What happened to all that shit I stole for you?”

Neumann gives him an appraising look. “...Is this about the debt?”

Lloyd nods. Was that not obvious? always asking stupid questions.

“As you gave me things I would sell them, I wanted to buy you the best drinks money could buy. That money was spent years ago.”

Lloyd scoffs, if only the others were here to hear him admitting this so brazenly. 

“You're terrible…” Lloyd complains, looking away. “How could you do something like that? Didn't you ever think you might get in trouble?”

Neumann smirks, what an idiot. “Tell me Lloyd, when was it that your family started distrusting you?”

Lloyd is silent.

“Before you and I became close, you were a heinous little brat. When you began spending time with me you improved much to the joy of your family,” He explains. “After that little incident with the wine, and the lesson I taught you, you went right back to acting up.”

Lloyd looks shocked at the audacity of the knight to call what he did such a thing. “Lesson? You beat me black and blue,” He hisses.

Neumanns turn to shrug.

Just don't be scared, Lloyd tells himself. Like he had said when he approached, he was an adult now. No reason to be scared. “Of course I didn't wanna hang out around you anymore,”

Neumann looks down at him somewhat menacingly. To hell with what he was thinking. This man was scary as hell! There was no one else with more reason to kill him than Neumann! Each bone in his body screams run, but his fear response was just to stop when it came to this guy.

“How can you treat me like this?” Lloyd huffs, but part of him already knows what Neumanns going to say.

“Whos going to believe you if you tell the truth?” He chuckles. “Everyone who knows you, Javier, The Fronteras, every person living in the Frontera barony…” He smiles so jovially as he tears him down. “I could do anything I wanted to you and they would always believe you were just making something up. Thats why I’m not scared of you at all.” He reaches over to pluck him in the forehead.

Lloyd runs to escape, he can't stand to hear it.

When he's good and gone Neumann chuckles to himself and finishes hiding his letters.

He sighs. How unfair. 

“As long as everyone thinks I'm a shithead, I'm never gonna be able to tell ‘em what Neumann did to me. They won't believe me, ‘specially if I disrespect his honorable title again.” He talks to no one, pacing his room alone.

“But in Magenta… They got spells and shit that let you make people confess even if they don't want to, don't they?” He recalls. He had seen it once in action on a trip out to the city in his youth. “If I could learn to do magic like old grandpa, I could use the spell on him and clear my name…”

But how he would do that was a mystery.

Chapter Text

It was time to take off these bandages.

Javier had cooled down some from their last argument. He wasn't looking particularly happy, but he wasn't fuming like he had been in the library either. He stood by Lloyd's side in a parlor before a mirror. Lloyd doesn't notice it but he does, the bags under his eyes. He sighs just a bit before deciding to ignore them.

“You were quite injured when I found you, your eye was…” Javier starts, trying to find the words.

Lloyd lets him talk as he removes the bandages from his head, gasping a bit at his black eye. At first, he worried it had been removed entirely, the way it was swollen making it so he couldn't see it. After trying to widen his eyes though he saw that he was still able to see, albeit badly.

“How the hell did they get my eye? They hit me from behind…” He asks.

Javier nods. “When I found you, you were unconscious. He was beating you while you were out.” He tells him.

Lloyd nods. “I…” He says reaching up to just barely touch the injury.

Javier arches a brow. “Eye..?”

“No, not like that.” Lloyd insists. “I want to learn how to use a sword.”

“Absolutely not.” Javier steps out of the range of the mirror. “You with a sword is not a good idea.”

Lloyd doesn't look away from his reflection, but he does frown. “What?” He complains. “I coulda died, you know. If I could protect myself-”

“Thats my job.” Javier cuts in.

Lloyd stops and pauses, slowly turning to glare at him. “...Yeah, it sure is.” He snarks as he prods his black eye with a finger, wincing in pain but not letting it stop him from being an asshole. “Good job jackass.” 

Javier is silent.

“If it's not a sword, then some sorta weapon at least. Something.” Lloyd stretches a bit, arms behind his head. He poses, looking at himself thoughtfully. If they were in debt, was he good-looking enough to manwhore his way out of it? 

"Hm..."

His sight drifts to his black eye. If he was before, and he doubted it, he probably wasn't now.

“No.” Javier finally answers after a moment of long awkward silence. “Can you stop doing that?”

Lloyd runs a hand over his jaw, turning his head from side to side to get a better look at himself. “Not even allowed to look at myself?” He asks turning away from the mirror. “You really would rather if I died, huh?”

“Of course not.” He answers quickly. 

Lloyd scoffs and heads across the room to look out on the barony. The conversation with Neumann was yesterday but still lingered in the back of his mind. He really could do anything to him he wanted, couldn't he? This of course would be a perfect setup for the knight to kill him and get away with it. Honorable Neumann would never, they'd say, he thinks. Javier could say he didn't want Lloyd dead but it was obvious he did. What the hell was waiting for him here? The people of the barony, even they would want him dead. There was no one in this place that didn't have a good reason to kill him.

“...Fine, I understand,” Lloyd says quietly, a plan formulating in his mind. “Whatever.” He sighs. “Im going to my room, you're free.”

Javier arches his brow. “Your room?”

“Something wrong?” 

“You haven't been out in a day, you're usually at the pub by now.”

Lloyd shrugs. “I don't want to go out anymore.” 

Javiers quiet. 

With that, Lloyd decides to leave.

He grabs a knife from the kitchen, heading back to his room to enjoy a simple lunch of cheese and dried sausage. That, and to subtly secure himself a light weapon for anything that comes for him in the future. On his way out, he tosses a grape that had rolled from the counter to the floor at the back of the head of a quickly passing maid.

She stops to look around, but by the time she does, he's gone.

It was a risky move considering how fearful he had become, but he couldn't resist. Days of playing darts alone in his room had made his aim immaculate. It was the one thing he could call himself a little proud of.

“Heh,” He chuckles.

He arrives and lets himself in, more missing things leaving his room feeling like a shell of what it used to be.

“Hm…” It's becoming clearer and clearer. In his drunken haze, it didn't matter much, but stopping to look around him he can't help but notice just how horrible this was. He runs a hand nervously through his hair and sits down on the bed.

“What to do?” He had a knife now at least.

Silence.

“......” 

An empty room. No one to offer help. Alone he sits.

“...Dammit.” He sighs and hangs his head. “I'm not meant for all this thinking and shit,” He complains. “I can't do this, I can't keep thinking about this or I'm just gonna-” 

He stops and just sits quietly for a while. 

“...A drink.” He says quietly. “I can't do this. I can't do this.” He stands up, he knows exactly what he needs. “A drink.” it becomes a mantra, it's easy. “A drink, I can't do this, I can't do this, I need a drink.”

“If I just. If I just get a…” But he can't do that either. Drinking is what kept him blind to the world around him. If he was drunk enough to ignore all this, he would be drunk enough to sneak up on too. Even if that wasn't the case, he had thought and agonized over the truth so much he couldn't imagine a drink would force it out of his head.

“......” he stands with his hand around the doorknob, his stomach churning. The weight of the situation hits him hard, forcing him down to his knees. He leans his head against the door and clenches his eyes tight.

“We're all gonna die, he shoulda just killed me,” He winces. “What's the point? I can't just act like I don't see it.”

He punches the door, trying to hold in tears. He had been doing too much crying for his liking recently. He holds it in well, not a single tear. 

“...Lloyd?” His mother calls from the other end.

His eyes crack open and he feels like he's seven again, unable to hide anything he was feeling from her. Her voice opens the floodgates and he can't help but cry again. “Mother,” He whines, stepping away from the door to let her in.

“Lloyd, my dear,” She lets herself in and takes him into her arms without hesitation. “It's alright dear, don't cry.” She's shorter than him and so she pulls his face down into her shoulder. “I'm right here with you now, so please, you’ll be alright.”

He nods and holds her tighter, he can't help it. Her feet leave the ground and he's basically carrying her, only the tips of her toes brush the floor slightly. She gasps a bit but doesn't make him stop.

“Even though you say that, it's not true,” He insists through sniffles. “You're both losing it, I don't know what to do.”

Marbella looks at him, confused. “Lloyd, what are you-”

He sets her down and slinks across the room back to his bed. “New stuff is missing every day, you and father r’always stressed and it's so obvious we're running out of…” He can't decide what to say. Money, time, the will to go on? “We're all gonna die, aren't we?”

“Lloyd…” She doesn't know what to say.

“Well!?” He shouts suddenly. “What are you gonna do anyways?!” He shouts but then deflates again. “...I didn't notice at first because I didn't want to, this shits too hard for me to wrap my head around…” He gulps. "But even if it's hard, I cant get it outta my head, don't you feel that way too? I'm not crazy, right?"

It was her turn to cry. On a day when even Lloyd Frontera, her miserly son, is worried for her well being they must truly be at the brink of their ultimate fall.

“I don't fucking know what to do…I don't know how to do anything.” He admits. “Maybe you oughta just kill me and sell my body to some doctors or something.” He doesn't mean it, not really, but his mother's visceral reaction to it is enough to make him regret speaking such a dark thought so carelessly.

“I can’t-” She insists and turns away. “Lloyd, thats-” It was too terrible for words.

“I don't know what else to say, I cant think of anything but...” He admits. “But…that was a lot, huh?” He frowns. “I'm sorry,”

She doesn't speak for a while, her hand over her mouth.

“Mother…” He panics a bit, did he go too far? Did he really hurt her? Thats his first thought, but maybe he was wrong and she was just considering actually doing it and was feeling disgusted with herself. She was a good mother, he thinks, so choosing something like that might be painful. 

“We're going to be alright Lloyd, this will pass and everything will be fine.” She sounds like she's trying to convince herself too. “So please, don't say such terrible things,” She heads for the door. “If you…If you really want to help, go apologize to the owner of the pub. Its…It's the little things that help.” 

In her heart, she isn't so confident. At least if things go badly, if she can get him to be nicer then perhaps the people will take mercy on him. If the worst comes to worst that is.

“I will.” 

She turns to look at him, baffled.

“Tch, don't look at me like I'm crazy or something,” He insists. “That shit with the soldier opened my eyes, if things don't change then I’ll suffer.” The plan in his head earlier comes to mind.

“... I'm proud of you, Lloyd.” She tells him. “You're becoming the man I’d hoped you would.”

He shrugs but the words make his ears burn red with a joy he can't quite keep off his face. "Don't get worked up idiot, you look stupid being so happy." he scolds himself internally.

She doesn't wait for him to answer for too long. After a moment's silence, she takes her leave ready to fill in Arcos about this exchange.

When she's gone Lloyd springs into action.

“I gotta get outta here.” it was off to the pub. If his mother wanted him to do the little things then fine, it was all adding up to taking that shitty Neumann down for what he had done to their family anyways. 

“I’ll make you pay and learn that spell bastard. You’ll be minced meat for sellin that shit.” 

He could never get it back, but he could sure as hell kick up a fuss to rat out the one bastard in the bunch.

Chapter Text

The front door is mocking him.

He sighs and looks in utter disgust at the thing. 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me…” 

Footsteps rounding the corner, the telltale click of Javier's shoes on tile. 

“Javier,” Lloyd says plainly. He couldn't believe it was coming down to this. “I’m headed out.”

Javier nods. “So I was told.” He answers plainly. “I will see to it that you do as you said you would for your mother.”

Lloyds rolls his eyes and turns back to the door. “After you then, open the door.”

Javier looks at him rather plainly, but Lloyd can't help but take it as Javier mocking him for being scared again. He reaches out to claw him, but Javier steps aside before his scratch can land.

“Master Lloyd.” He frowns. 

“Stop looking at me, bitch.” Lloyd huffs. “You stupid or something? Open the fucking door.” It didn't take much for this man to piss him off at all. He can't quite place it no matter how hard he thinks about it. People make him mad but no one gets under his skin like Javier. Why is that?

“Llo-”

Lloyd shrieks in frustration, swatting at him again. “Just open it, just open it already! Leave me alone!" He claws and claws, face red with embarrassment to be mocked like this, if he actually even was being picked on, that is. "Why are you always so mean to me!?” Javier evades each swipe from his nails but that only gets him more riled up. “Always! You always do this!” He screams, attracting the attention of staff nearby. 

The staff head off not wanting to be next to attract his ire, some to go report the disturbance.

“Lloyd!” Javier shouts sternly back, taking an opening to go in and grab his wrists. “I am opening the door, I just wanted to know why you were suddenly upset with me,” He insists, holding up Lloyd who goes limp in his grasp.

“I don't know!” He finally whines.

“I don't know! I just don't wanna do anything with you!" He wriggles a bit. It felt obvious, he knew Javier was looking down on him for being scared and it was humiliating having to cart him around regardless of that. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with someone who hated him after what had happened with the last guy.

"I just want you to die already!” He's crying again, it's too embarrassing to even think about. “You're always looking down on me like you're better than me! You're so smug just because you're strong, you dont gotta worry about scary shit you ugly bastard! I fucking hate you!” He flails a bit harder suddenly, trying to wrestle himself out of Javier's grasp but it's too hard. He's weak, Javier's hands are like iron shackles. “I hate you! I want Bayern to be my guard!” He, for all his hatred, had no real issue with Bayern. The man was like a ghost, too unknown to have any strong feelings for.

Javier inhales deeply, trying to keep it together. “Choose your words,” he tells himself because if he doesn't he's going to say something unprofessional. “I apologize, we should be going.”

Lloyd groans and makes one more final attempt to pull away before he leans in and starts biting instead. Seeing that he's getting nowhere with Lloyd, Javier finally let's go only to find that Lloyd with his teeth sunk into his arm has no intention of letting go.

“Master Lloyd…” He tells himself not to punch him, even if he desperately wants to.

Lloyd sniffles, jaw locked as tight as he can get it. He mumbles something around Javier's arm but it's too jumbled for Javier to make heads or tails of.

“...Master Lloyd.” Javier begins in his usual modulated tone, getting ready to tell him he's not judging him, but it feels pointless. Lloyd’s not so clueless that this would go over well. He was lying, he was judging him. It was pathetic, a man who was so keen on tormenting others being scared indoors the moment someone dares to bite back. He couldn't sympathize at all, not when he had brought all this on himself.

Lloyd bites down harder, crying more as he does.

“Please let go and get up so you can tell me how you feel. I am willing to listen.” That much wasn't a lie. Anything to just get this over with.

Lloyd doesn't comply for a moment. He gnaws to do as much damage as he can, though that's not much.

He sniffles and wipes his eyes after a minute of gnawing before getting himself together. Finally letting go he leaves behind nothing but a wet spot on Javier's sleeve. “I just-” He starts, wiping his mouth of drool as he does.

“Take your time,” Javier insists while reaching into his coat, and in an effort to try and mend this issue, offers a handkerchief. 

Lloyd doesn't take it, just keeps to himself. He had to pull it together, he couldn't just start yelling about Neumann or him being a liar again, his plan was counting on him being normal and reasonable.

“Just forget it, I was drinking before this.”

Javier glares. He knows thats not true.

“I just-”

Before he can explain himself, his father appears on the scene. It seemed the staff's report about the outburst had reached him.

“Javier, Lloyd, a word if you would.”

Javier nods.

“Shit.” Lloyd complains woefully.

The scolding is long and painful when every second wasted feels like a year of torment.

Arcos doesn't have much to say about Javier, just that he wishes he had just escorted Lloyd back to his room when he started acting unruly. Even though thats the only thing said, the guilt eats him alive for having brought him displeasure. He keeps his expression flat as to not give way to his true devastation.

Lloyd is a different story, however. When it comes time to talk to him, Arcos sends Javier away entirely. He tells him to lock the door on his way out, knowing the conversation was going to be rather personal.

Lloyd had calmed down during Jaivers scolding. Throughout its entirety, he had just been standing languidly. All those tears made him sleepy and it wasn't like he was sleeping well to begin with.

“Lloyd, sit down.” His father says sternly, but not without his usual underlying kindness. He's not a man good at sounding angry.

Lloyd doesn't emote much, just sits down with his eyes drooping toward the ground. He looks too miserable for Arcos, he had seen him in some dark pits in his life but something felt pointedly worst about this. He remembers what Marbella had told him and his heart aches. He would have to confront that sooner or later.

“...Lloyd.” Arcos asks softly. “Whats wrong?” He already knows, but it's better to hear it from his perspective. If it really had to be sooner or later, it was better to just choose sooner.

Lloyd doesn't answer for a long time, Arcos worries he might not have even heard him after a bit of time goes by in silence.

“Lloyd I’m just worri-”

“I think you and mother are gonna die soon.” He announces abruptly.

"Huh? Lloyd..? What?"

“I can't take this shit anymore and I'm only just now seeing how bad it is.” He shakes his head slowly. “This entire time you and mother, you're sinking in this shit… If I think I wanna die so bad you must be…” The confession feels like vomit coming out. “It's only been a few days of realizing but you-”

Before he can finish Arcos is over his desk, not around it but over the top. He bounds over to Lloyd and scoops him into his arms.

"I'm sorry we troubled you, Lloyd," he holds the back of his head. "I can take care of it, I promise. I just want you to keep living peacefully."

Lloyd wants to nod and just accept that. It would be nice if he could trust his father and move on. It would be nice to the pub and drink until nothing makes sense. It would be so fucking great to forget about the attempted murder, the items in their home being taken to be sold, the miserable state of his parent's faces now that he was taking a moment to look at them, the dwindling quality of food and drinks, the worried expression on everyone, and the sold off spell books and everything and just rest. No matter how he tries to get into forgetting, these things in their former glory feel like fleeting shadows of a time long gone.

The burden he was carrying with knowing the truth felt like some sort of eternal punishment for a life of ignorance. He can't just ignore it anymore even if he wants to.

He says nothing though, just lets Arcos hold him while the old man tries to avoid crying in his ear.

"Lloyd, won't you say something?"

Lloyds quiet for a second before speaking. "... It's about…" but he can't say it. He wants to bring up Neumann again because it's his fault that they don't have a lot of their valuables to sell, but it feels pointless. His father would probably just get mad again. As long as they saw the man in a good light there was no point in trying that.

"It's about?" Arcos copies, trying to urge him to continue.

"It's about Javier." He lies. "I think…” But he can't come up with anything to say. 

“You think..?”

Lloyd shrugs him off and turns away. “I'm not sure I trust you're telling the truth, father.”

Arcos tilts his head. “About Javier?”

Lloyd sighs, he was too tired to get angry. “No. About everything being fine.”

Arcos is quiet, trying to find his next words.

“You look thin as hell, mother too, both of you look like shit. Like you're rationing or something but no one stops me from taking as much from the kitchen as I want.” He starts. “You're always getting on my goddamn case about being responsible, but you do stupid shit like this.”

“Lloyd.” He's a bit frustrated to be talked down to by his own son. 

“Oh sorry, I shouldn't be rude, right?” He scoffs halfheartedly. “What does it matter anyways? I'm right.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “You're fucking dumb. If you're struggling and trying to keep me and Julian out of it, you're an idiot. What's gonna happen to us when you can't take it anymore?” 

“Thats not-”

It's like his father's constant need to persevere had woken him back up. Liars, they all pissed him off.

“BUT what if!?” He shouts and turns around. “If I didn't know about how bad this shit is and I'm living right here in your house, does Julian fucking know? Is he just gonna get kicked outta school into the streets if we can't do anything?! He's miles away!” It feels like he's got a fire burning in his veins, like he's got a demon swimming in his blood. He can't hold in how angry he is.

“He doesn't need to know because I'm going to work this out! You are entirely out of line!” Arcos raises his voice.

Lloyd rushes over and grabs him by the jacket, pulling him in nose to nose. “You're pissing me off, old man!” But seeing his father's fearful expression up close like this is too much for even him. He cant do this. He shoves him away before Arcos can grab him back, the man hitting the desk with a loud thud.

“Lord Arcos!” Javier's voice calls from outside the door.

“Javier! Leave!” He orders but outside Javier just can't bring himself to do it.

“Are you certain!?” He calls.

“I am, go!” Arcos orders as Lloyd stands waiting or them to finish.

Javier leaves just a bit. He walks to the end of the hall, heels clicking to show he's left, only to walk back quietly to the door afterward.

As soon as Javier is gone, Lloyd starts back up. “You keep saying I'll take care of it, I will, but you won't give me any answer on what to do if you cant!” He gestures to the bare office.

“Honestly, you're not taking care of it! It's horrible! You're failing!” He paces a bit, trying to relax a bit. This wasn't supposed to be a screaming match. “I want to die so bad just thinking about this! I’ve only known about this for less than a week and it feels like I'm getting eaten alive!” He points at him. “I've stolen your shit before. I've seen your journals. You're just like me.” His voice lowers.

Arcos looks confused. “What are you-?”

“You wanna die too, don't you? You've always been a miserable man like I am.” He hadn't stolen his father's journal since he was a teen. Back in those days, his father would write about an unshakable depression in the journals he had given to Neumann for payment. It would be stupid to steal the thing and not read it before handing it over. It was shocking at the time but after years of just living in this horrible world he could understand why someone would be miserable in it, his father included.

“I don't!” Arcos Insists. “Thats not true!”

“It is true! You know I stole your shit back then, do you really think I just didn't read it or something!?” Lloyd insists. “Your life was fucking wonderful and you were still so sad back then that you wanted to die!" He throws his hands up frustrated that his father might think he was dumb enough to steal a journal and not read it.

"So why should I believe that now when your whole fucking life is falling the hell apart that you don't feel the same?! Give me one good fucking reason!” He begs, tapping his own chest with both his hands. “Just one! I'm not asking for much!”

Arcos grits his teeth, seething with misery. He leans on the desk and turns his face away in shame, covering it with a hand. 

“Well?!” Lloyd yells and is only met with sobbing.

“Lloyd…” His father sniffles. 

Lloyd stands before him in silence, drinking in the whole situation. His shoulders shake and he's panting from how worked up he's gotten. He had made his father cry.

"It's a pity, a pity how satisfying this is." He thinks. His father had made him cry plenty, especially over Neumann. Even now he wanted to cry. Still, as much as it was satisfying it was equal parts agonizing.

“I hope that you can be as kind and happy as he was, nothing would make me happier, my dear.”

The memory crosses his mind and is wracked with guilt. The man who had broken his heart was the same one who he loved enough to forgive a thousand times over if he had to.

“...I don't want my dad to die. If you lock me up and starve me like an animal to save money I’d be happy if it means…” He grimaces at his sudden candor, being open about feelings was embarrassing. “If I can just have my dad, thats all I want.” He admits. “If it means I gotta get my shit together and whatever, I’ll try. I know I'm dumb so I’ll probably fuck up all the time but...Just tell me if you wanna give up so I can try harder. Just please don't go doing anything stupid, old man…”

Arcos sobs harder. To willfully call himself dumb and yet be able to put two and two together about things from the past and present. He was sharp like a blade. “I’m sorry Lloyd.”

Lloyd shakes his head. “Don't be sorry, just don't do anything stupid. After all, I'm being a huge asshole right now.” Now to move on to his next point. “I think we oughta tell Julian. You can fake all you want, but that school costs too much to keep him in. If he knew-”

“It's fine Lloyd, I swear,”

“I think,” Lloyd says firmly. “I think, he's a man and should be able to choose what he thinks is best with all the truth presented to him,” he says sharply, glaring at his father. “We're not little kids anymore, we should be able to make choices about how we live our lives, right?”

Arcos shakes his head.

“No?”

“I can't do it,” Arcos admits. “He loves that school,”

“He loves you more Jackass!” Lloyd takes fists full of his hair and groans. “Father I mean! Sorry!" He looks up at him with a frenzied look of agitation. "Please! You're killing me! You're sawing my dick in half with this foolishness!”

Arcos keeps his face covered, shaking his head. If things were different he would be scolding him for how intense his language was getting but now he couldn't find the spirit. “If I take him out, if I-”

“If you face the truth, it's just gonna hurt more, right!?” Lloyd finishes for him. “You're gonna feel like a failure!” He shakes both fists at his father. “But acting like you're winning, it's just! You're delusional! Father…”

He inhales and blows out before he speaks. “Just, please. Please just try and be reasonable. If you want that from me, why can't I ask for the same from you?”

“I don't want-”

“You and mom ask me to be sensible all the time, don't gimme that shit. It's always Lloyd drinking is bad for you, don't harass people, don't hurt others, don't hurt your brother, be nicer to Javier, neh neh neh neh nehh.” 

He was calming down for real now. “You always ask me to be good, but it's not good for you to just do whatever the fuck you want until we're homeless. Why do you get to act out and pretend things are fine but I gotta shape up and be good?”

Arcos is silent. 

“It's always know your place, be a good son, and act like you're the son of a baron.” 

He points at his father, basically looking down his nose at him. "But I don't listen and do what I want. I don't stay in my place and it gets me murdered." He wasn't dead but the attempt was made.

"You keep stepping out of line, doing whatever feels right. Spending money you don't have, letting me n'Julian run around doing whatever we want. You do whatever you want, too. You just use a sad little smile and your old it'll be fine instead of your fist like me."

He draws closer. "you're just like me, a man whose example I can follow… because I love you so much." His I love you isn't tender at all. it's a low growl of a declaration, giving way to his true frustration at the words. 

"I never said…" he pauses since it's become pretty common now for Lloyd to cut him off. "... I never said you need to know your place."

"Does that actually matter right now?" 

Arcos shakes his head. It doesn't. He's avoiding the problem again.

"What would you have me do, Lloyd?" His voice is weak with defeat. 

"I don't know," Lloyd admits. "The only thing on my mind right now is Julian. He should know."

Arcos nods. "I… I'll send a letter." 

Lloyd gives him a thumbs up. "Cool. I'm outta here. Figure it out."

The next step of his plan was complete, albeit a little earlier than he had wanted.

He heads to the door and opens it to head out only to find Javier nearby.

"You're annoying as hell," Lloyd grumbles and shoulders past him.

Back in his room, he sits over a notebook detailing his plan.

Step 1. Get Arcos and Marbella to stop being stupid so he doesn't have to worry about coming home to dead parents.

That part was done.

Step 2. Learn how to kill really good. As good as Javier hopefully. Or at least good enough to at least not fuck up a murder.

Step 3. Go out and find someone to murder.

Step 4. Take all their stuff and sell it. Then give it to his family so they don't have to be in debt.

Step 5. While out, learn the truth spell.

It's a rudimentary plan with too many holes but he can't figure out how to fill them. All he knows is that he won't stop until it's done.

"If I get good enough at killing, I won't have to worry about people killing me. Heheh, it's perfect." He closes his notebook.

"...alright!"

He sighs and looks around his room, finally cooling off after exerting all that brainpower to write down his plan. "I'm bored."

He spends the rest of the night playing darts before going to bed. 

Chapter Text

Javier paces his room like an enclosed animal on the brink of lashing out.

“It makes perfect sense, a lot of people change after terrifying experiences.” He tells himself in a frustrated monotone. “He's never suffered dire consequences, the lord has always been very easy on him,” He turns on his heel and faces the window of his humble room. The only decor is just a bed, a desk, and the sword on the wall.

He sits down on the bed and sighs. 

“I hate him so much.” He hated him enough that his hands shook. It was like the hatred was trying to rip him open from the inside.

He inhales, exhales, and closes his eyes. Getting worked up like this wasn't going to be helpful.

“Why did he have to complain so loudly," He sighs. "I hate his antics so much.”

“......” He's silent. It was the middle of the night and sleep wasn’t coming to him. It had been like this for a while. His inability to sleep was starting to make him irritable. His senses were dulling. 

“I can't sleep.” He tells no one. 

The next morning rolls around and Lloyd leaves his room ready to actually face the day.

“Ok, no fighting Javier, no crying, no staying in the house.” He tells himself. “Get outta the house, get outta the house.”

He had stored the knife he took in one of the large pockets of his coat, ready to stab the hell out of anyone who gave him trouble.

“Get outta the house, get ou-” He stops when he sees Javier approaching him. “You ready?”

Javier only nods, not wanting a repeat of yesterday's drama. He would do his job in silence. He opens the door and holds it for Lloyd. 

“Alright.” Lloyd stares at the open door, debating if he wanted to go.

“No one is gonna hurt me, I got a knife now.” He thinks but that doesn't make him feel better with how strong Javier is. If this guy was the one watching over him, it was hard to feel safe. “He loves dad, he would lick the ground he walks on if he could.” He argues. “If he hurt me dad would be sad. Even if he lied and said it was someone else he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt probably.”

And with that counterpoint he finally leaves, his breath catching in his throat as he does.

The walk to the pub is uneventful and even peaceful. The sun is bright and the cool autumn air is refreshing. It's a lovely day. How many lovely days was he planning on missing in those walls?

Javier walks to his left watching the people in town do as they will when Lloyd is around. He can only imagine how disappointed they must be to see him after so long. 

When They make it to the pub, Javier had entirely forgotten the reason for coming in the first place, so when Lloyd doesn't shout for a drink and instead quietly asks to find the owner he's baffled until he recalls.

“You're actually going to apologize?”

Lloyd ignores him. 

“Can I help you?” The old man looks worn out just at the sight of Lloyd.

“I'm sorry about all the shit I've done.” He says it plainly, with not an ounce of sincerity in his voice or expression.

“I…Master Lloyd, if I have done something to displease you-”

“You didn't.” He offers in his same monotone. “Listen. I can't fix any of the shit I broke or pay you back or whatever, but I can just say sorry and leave.” He scowls. “And I am sorry, so don't try and kill me or something weird like that.”

The owner cowers a bit, the talk of killing making him immediately terrified of where this was going. 

Javier steps in with a disappointed glare. “Lloyd, thats hardly an apology.”

Lloyd sighs. “Ok? So how would you do it?”

Javiers turn to sigh. “Do you really mean it? That you're sorry?”

The owner and Javier both watch him think about it, both of them losing faith fast.

“I don't want to do bad things anymore.” He tells them. “It's old. Im done. From now on im just gonna drink in the comfort of my room and send someone to bring me a ton of beer instead. You won't have to see me anymore, so even if I'm lying, it's not really even your issue anymore.”

The owner seems skeptical at first but eventually just nods. “Very well…” He doesn't say he accepts the apology or anything, but he doesn't reject it either so it's good enough for Lloyd who turns and leaves without another word.

“I'm sorry about him.” Javier offers before heading out.

When he's at Lloyd's side again he finds himself lost. What the hell was that?

“That was annoying,” Lloyd admits. “The fuck else can I do? I got no money.”

Javier is quiet, it seemed Lloyd already knew why the owner couldn't truly be content with the apology. Without compensation, there would always be hard feelings.

"Well… what's done is done so it doesn't really matter."

He turns to face Javier. "So. Now thats done. Come with me, we gotta talk."

Javier nods. "Lead the way." 

What a nightmare.

They walk until they reach the woods. Hidden in the trees, Lloyd takes a seat on a fallen log.

"Let's talk," Lloyd says firmly. 

Javier just looks at him more intently.

"Teach me how to use a sword."

"No."

There's a pause that lasts too long. Lloyds fingers are laced together and he's got his brows furrowed in deep thought.

"...teach me."

"I will not," Javier answers softly. 

Lloyd nods. "......If you don't teach me I'm going to cut off all my fingers until you do."

Javier just stares at him, glowering.

"...no I'm not." 

Javier nods. "Is that all?"

Another long pause.

"...I hate this life we're living." Lloyd sighs. 

"We?"

"Yes, we," he answers. "I wish that we could talk as equals instead of as a baron's son and a knight." He looks off deeper into the woods wistfully.

"I feel like since you hate me and as a knight you gotta be professional we're never gonna have a genuine conversation about this shit between us." He leans back. "I don't wanna fight anymore. That guy beat it outta me."

"You were fighting rather hard yesterday though." He snarks a bit, with his controlled expression of course.

Lloyd rolls his eyes but he's not mad. 

"...I was scared." He claws at the wood under his hands absentmindedly. "You hate me so it makes me wanna get away from you." He confesses. "I really hate the way you make me feel, I'm not gonna fuckin lie, you scare me." 

Javier says nothing.

"You're just not gonna talk about it." Lloyd acknowledges. "Knightly duty yadda yadda," he stands up. "It's pointless to-"

Javier speaks up suddenly. "Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?"

Lloyd arches a brow. "Um? Duh." He huffs. "I don't wanna die." 

Javier sneers. "You're so selfish." He looks away in disgust. "I Don't know what I was thinking, of course thats it."

Lloyd shrugs. "What? Do I gotta apologize because I feel bad to get your approval? As if." He turns away. "I'm not like you, I can't be confident I’m the toughest guy in the room, y'know." And even though the conversation was unpleasant it felt nice. 

"You had no issue before,"

"No one tried to kill me before."

"Coward."

Lloyd shrugs. "I'm not denying it. Happy?"

Javier ferments. This was stupid. He was letting his emotions get the best of him. 

"Oops. Looks like thats all the time we got for honest Javier huh?" Lloyd mocks. "Back to being an unfeeling servant or whatever." He jumps up on the log he had been sitting on. "You know, I wanna kiss you, Javier."

Javier looks at him like he's lost his mind, in fact, he's sure he has.

"What?" It's all he can manage. 

"Haha! made you look!" In his laughter, he slips, but this time Javier catches him before he can fall all the way down.

"Master Lloyd, climbing around like this after a head injury isn't wise." 

Lloyd groans. "Yeah yeah, whatever!" He doesn't try to leave Javier's arms or anything, just grimaces at him until he lets go. “... It's a nice day.”

The knight can't disagree. He nods and looks up at the falling autumn leaves around them. It really is a nice day despite everything.

“...So you should keep being honest with me.” 

Javier sighs, loud and long. “What do you want from me? The truth?”

“It would be nice.”

Javiers turn to grimace. “I don't want to be honest with you Lloyd.” He starts. “I will give you this bit of honesty though, I don't think you deserve the truth. You have never given me any reason to want to be kind enough to tell you the truth.”

“It's not kind-”

Javier turns to glare at him. “Yes, it is kindness.” He sneers. “You keep begging me to be open with you and tell you how I feel but I don't really want to, I don't like you. I don't want you to know how I feel, only my friends get that sort of privilege.”

“I-”

“Knowing how I feel is a privilege, and you're so entitled you don't even know it. You still think everyone should just give you what you want.” He turns away. “If you really intend to change and be better, you should accept I'm not going to tell you anything.”

Lloyd crosses his arms. “Fine.”

Javier turns back to him again, ready to yell at him for disagreeing. “See? I knew you would say th-” but he stops when he realizes what he's said. “What?”

“Eh?!” He gives a huge exaggerated shrug and flails his arms. “The fuck man!? Ok! I said fine!” He sits back down on the log with an exasperated sigh. “I don't-” He clears his throat and tries to sound a little less rude. “I don't really think of it that way, but obviously you do so fuck it. If you think that way fine. I'm not really smart about emotions so, ok. Whatever you say.” He leans on his knees. “Im over it.”

Javier looks at him in disgust. Why was he being so sensible? He had been hoping he would be given an excuse to lash out and tell him about himself but…he was just. Agreeing?

“Seriously?” 

Lloyd rolls his eyes again. “Uh? Yeah? You deaf?” He kicks a rock. “I'm scared of you like I said. I'm scared of everyone, so I'm just done being a dickhead. I don't want anyone else to try and kill me so I'm just gonna stop.”

Javier is quiet for a long while.

“...Is this the part where I also say you don't gotta forgive me but I just don't want you to kill me?” Lloyd adds.

Javier grits his teeth and glares down at him.

“Why?” He hisses. “You’ve been horrible to me our entire lives.” He had wanted to keep his feelings secret but this was pissing him off so badly he couldn't hold it in any longer. 

“You’ve treated me like I’m nothing, you break everything valuable in my life, you hurt my friends, you watched me cry and beg you to stop and only now do you decide you want to move on, after someone tries to kill you? Was my pain not enough? Julians?”

Lloyd nods. “Yeah, it wasn't. I didn't give a fuck.”

“See? Thats why I can't stand you.” Javier growls. “You're not sorry, you just don't want consequences.”

“I don't!” He stands back up. “We're arguing in circles here!” 

He grabs his hair. “Listen. I can't really get my exact words right, ok? But listen; I just haven't ever had this happen to me before. It changed my look on things and shit!” He points off back towards the barony. 

“You can see it good as me, we're all gonna fucking suffer really soon, and- no I'm off track!” He lowers his arm. “I. did not. Care. About your feelings. Thats true. After someone tried to kill me though I started getting more mindful of people's feelings though. I made you upset and I realize that. I never wanna do it again because I don't want you fucking hurting me! So yeah! I did all that horrible shit and I’m only apologizing because it’s-”

He groans and punches his head a few times.

“Listen!” he roars. “I just can't get it outta my head that you're just fucking better than me! I hate myself so bad cause of you!”

Javier shows no mercy, just glares. He had no reason to care about something like that.

“It feels like everyones always hated me! Even if I don't have proof at first, my stupid fucking brain tells me that people hate me!” He admits. “I don't even think mom and dad like me, I never have! Sometimes even when they tell me over and over it feels like a lie!”

He wraps his arms around himself, hanging his head. “But then Neumann told me-”

“Don't bring him into this-”

“He told me he loved me!” Lloyd shouts. “He told me that and I just-”

“If you're about to accuse him of something untoward-”

“Im not!” Lloyd shrieks. “I had a crush on him as a kid, alright?!” 

Javier goes quiet, looking rather thrown off by that one. “...On Neumann?” Were they talking about sir Neumann? The one with the ridiculous mustache? That Neumann? Inconceivable. Javier respected him, but he couldn't lie to himself and say he found him to look particularly good.

“Shut the fuck up.” He swats at Javier halfheartedly, his shocked expression making him calm down immediately. “Listen, I was like what, a little kid so, I dunno, princesses and knights just kinda go together, you know?” He blushes. "Y'know, I mean I was... you know!" this was embarrassing enough to die on the spot over. He makes a gesture to his head, drawing his hands down from his hair in a waving motion to insinuate the image of the long hair of a girl. “Storybooks and shit? You know how that works.” He looks away from him.

Javier nods. He hadn't known Lloyd that way very long. Even now he can hardly recall what he looked like before cutting his hair.

“He wasn't being a creep about it or anything, I'm not saying he was like that. It's just, he was the first person that I felt wasn't just saying I love you just to say it. Even though I was mean to him he was nice to me no matter what.” He kicks the ground. 

“I felt like, maybe there were people in the world I was good enough for. I felt that I could be good maybe. Because honestly you, mother, father, and Julian…Im so fucking angry all the time and I don't know why. You guys can't fucking stand it. None of you could take me like he could.”

He holds his head. “And I really really loved him a lot, I loved him so fucking much, more than I loved myself. Since all of you were angry- so angry with me, I thought there was no way to ever get back to being on good terms..” He doesn't mention that Neumann told him it was impossible. He can't, no one will believe him. “I thought that you all would hate me forever, so since you would hate me forever, there wasn't any reason to give you any consideration. Hate me if you want, I’ll hate you right back. Your pain meant nothing to me!”

Javier listens, looking Lloyd over as he does. It's obvious he's not telling the whole truth. His first thought is what he had said about Neumann, but it's too hard to believe. The man was decent, he couldn't imagine him saying something callous like Lloyd had said he did. Back then, Lloyd had said Neumann had told him to accuse him of being a thief since he was an orphan, but Neumann had always treated him well. He had been there for him when others were not.

Lloyd sits down again. “Course I felt bad, I don't like hurting people or something. But I had my thoughts in my head. I hated you so much because I knew you could never feel differently about me. No one was ever gonna love me like he did. It was impossible…” The waterworks start again. “I know you don't trust me but he told me that no one was ever gonna love me but him. I didn't feel bad hurting you 'cause I knew he wasn't lying…” He sniffles. 

“Ll-”

Lloyd jumps and looks like he's realized something. “I MEAN- Not he!” He insists. “Forget that last part im not talking bout him!”

Javier looks at him for a bit before finally sitting down next to him.

“...Master Lloyd.”

“What?”

“...If you want me to believe you about Neumann, I would need proof.” He tells him. “He's never done anything that anyone considers to be bad or cruel so I find it hard to believe.” But even if that were the case, Lloyd's haggard expression and misery felt too real to brush off. His admittance to Nemanns actions was more like a slip of the tongue than something he was throwing in to make the man look bad. If it was the truth in his heart, he was certainly struggling to keep it back. If it was a misunderstanding, then at the very least investigating to clear things up wouldn't hurt.

“Well, I guess I could get that,” Lloyd tells him. “But, I can't get it alone.”

Chapter Text

Back at the estate, Javier and Lloyd both sit in Lloyd’s room concocting a plan.

“So, you're going to have me follow you while you talk to Neumann?”

Lloyd nods. “Is that not gonna work or something?”

Javier nods as well. “He would be able to detect me, he likely won't be forthcoming so long as he knows im around.’

“Eh? How the fuck would he know?”

Javier stands up and walks over to him who is sitting on the bed. “Stand up. I’ll show you.”

Lloyd arches a brow but does as he's told. “Yeah?”

Javier leans in close, so close that Lloyd can't help but flush a little red. They stand chest to chest, almost nose to nose, with Javier squinting at him as if he were trying to find something at the back of Lloyd's eyes.

“My guy…” Lloyd says softly, trying not to move his lips too hard and accidentally brush them against Javier.

“Do you feel it?” 

“Your boobs? Yeah.” He says giving Javier a little push away from him.

“No.” Javier sighs. “You can feel it when you're close to someone. Mana.” Or maybe only he could. 

“Eh, come back and I’ll try it again.”

Javier nods and leans in again.

“Mmm...Hahaha…” Lloyd laughs nervously. This wasn't great. He looked so serious and it was freaking him out. Still, he was feeling something. It was hot, it was like there was fire radiating off of Javier he was suddenly aware of. “Oh?”

Javier arches a brow. “Do you feel it now?”

Lloyd nods. “I…I think so. It's really hot.”

Javier immediately backs away and gives a deep frown of disgust. “Hm? What? No it's not, what in gods name are you feeling?”

“HUH!? What! I feel it! It's hot! Like in temperature!” he grabs Javier’s arms. “It's flowing inside and-”

“Eugh!” He dips out of his grasp. “No thank you.”

“No!” He shakes his fist. “It's like! It's in your bl- In your blood, I think! Come back, I feel something flowing!”

Javier groans but lets Lloyd approach him.

“Hm…” Lloyd leans in now, no longer paying attention to how awkward it was to be this close. He rests his ear on his chest to listen to his heart where his body feels the warmest. “Your heart…” He looks up at him. “...And your brain…” He leans in close, almost nose to nose again.

“Ugh…” Javiers turn to cringe.

“Your…” He rests a hand on his stomach. “...Uh? I dunno, guts? it's in there though.”

“Lloyd. This is awful.” Javier admits, sucking in his stomach instinctively. 

“It's hot,” Lloyd says looking at his chest again, thinking about the beating heart under his skin.

“Noooooo…” Javier complains again. 

“Oh shut up,” Lloyd rests his ear over his heart again. “It feels like, heat is flowing, it's in your joints, your heart, but… I don't know what to do with that.” He stands back up. “...Weird.”

Javier is still frowning, but it sounds like Lloyd is onto something. “The mana responsible for the heat, I think. You, can feel that?” He had pointed out many points in the body where most heat coalesces even though he was sure Lloyd didn't know about this sort of thing on his own.

“I guess?” He shrugs. “I never really thought it was weird or anything.” He admits. “Whenever I hugged my mother I felt it, but I just thought she was just a warm person.” He twirls his finger in his hair. “So you know, I just didn't think about it. But you're all up in my space saying you can feel something so I dunno, I never got all up in mothers business because it would be weird.”

“What and it's not weird right now?”

Lloyd launches a pillow at him. “YOU came up to ME! First! Mother fucker!” He wasn't actually mad, just being dramatic. “That aside, if we can't just sneak around then we really only have one option.”

“What would that be?”

Lloyd pumps his fist. “Truth spell! They use it in Magenta!” He was excited just thinking about it. “If we can use the spell on him, we can get him to confess everything he's done!”

Javier nods, watching his impassioned pacing. 

“We gotta learn it. I wonder if we can buy a spell book from the city, or maybe we have to go or something!” He paces the room excitedly. “I want-”

His rambling is cut off by both of them screaming.

Fire, just a small little flicker of it, erupts from Lloyd's mouth.

“Master Lloyd!” 

Lloyd falls over onto the floor, reaching up to cover his mouth. “What the fuck!” He shouts. “Fire! Huh!? Did you fucking curse me!?”

“Huh? What?” Javier says running to his side. “I wouldn't know how to do such a thing.” He holds out a hand to pull him up. 

Lloyd takes it cautiously, not sure what to make of what had just happened.

“Do you feel any different?” Javier asks, kind of having an idea where this was going.

“Cold.” He says standing and wrapping his arms around himself. “Like I could…” He was looking pale. “...Be sick.”

Javier nods and gently guides him over to the fireplace. “Sit down please,” He insists.

“Mhm.” He takes a seat on the floor, feeling a bit woozy as he goes down.

Javier starts a fire, checking on Lloyd to see how he was doing. He was sure that he must have taken all the warm mana in his body and expelled it out as fire. If that was the case, he was probably suffering from an unusual case of hypothermia.

The night falls.

Lloyd was sleeping now, covered in not only the blankets of his bed but a few more from storage and wearing Javier's jacket.

Javier meanwhile sat in a chair nearby, once again praying for rest. It was all he could really do nowadays. 

“God, why are you doing this to me?” He asks internally. “Is this punishment for a sin from a past life?” He asks but then looks to Lloyd in bed. If he was telling the truth about Neumann then perhaps it was punishment for ignorance in this current life.

“I want to believe him, the way he cries… it's too candid to overlook.” 

That makes his own heart hurt though. Neumann had been a greatly appreciated tutor and beloved confidant for years. To think he could be so cruel was too much to bear. 

“Neumann, I pray this is a lie or a misunderstanding.” 

He closes his eyes, hoping and praying again for sleep. Sometimes he was lucky and he would just pass out from how exhausted he was.

This was thankfully one of those nights.

The morning comes and the first thing that gets Lloyd's attention is Javier still in his room sleeping.

“Hm?” He sits up. “Th’fuck is he doin' here?” he yawns and pushes the blankets off. “Jah-vee-aiiirrrrrr.” He teases, leaning into his ear to wake him up. “The fuck are you here for?”

Javier wakes up with a scowl. “Don't say it like that.” He insists sternly. 

“Sure, whatever.”

Javier sighs. That was way too easy, at least compared to the usual argument he would get if he told Lloyd what to do.

“Sorry. I wanted to make sure you were alright.” He tells him. “That was unexpected yesterday.”

Lloyd stretches. “Yeah, I guess so.” He turns on his heel toward the closet. “But um, I wanna get changed so get the hell out.”

Javier sighs. “Ok.” He stands and leaves without another word. How annoying. He was acting far too casually considering he could have died. 

He stands outside and waits for Lloyd, tapping his foot a bit as he did. At the very least he had gotten some sleep, he was feeling a bit better than he had been the last few days.

“Lo,” Lloyd says exiting his room, now wearing Jaivers jacket as if he owned it.

“You piss me off so much,” Javier tells him plainly, letting a bit of Lloyd's unprofessionalism color his words. “Give me my coat.”

“Hm, strong language.” He says unbuttoning the jacket. “Doesn't fit anyways. Here. your boobs are too big.”

“Im begging you not to say that again.”

“Big ass tits.” He flexes like he's mocking him but there's really not much to flex. “Im Javier, I break fucking boulders with my fingers,”

Javier remembers he still hates this guy so much it's not even funny. 

“Regardless, im not leaving the house today so you're dismissed.” He says handing off the jacket.

Javier nods. “Fine.” He takes his things and leaves.

“......” 

Lloyd waits until he's sure he's gone, ready to start his brand new plan.

He runs off a bit before making his way through the hallway as casually as possible. If Javier couldn't help him sneak up on Neumann he was basically useless. As much as he wanted to let him help him, he actually… didn't want that at all.

No, if he was going to take down Neumann, he would have to do it on his own.

He makes his way to the front door, being sure to avoid being seen by anyone. He had only his knife and some money in his pocket but it was time for him to leave the barony and make his way for Magentano like he had wanted. 

“Magenta… Truth spell…” He mumbles to himself on the way out the door. Just focus on that. Don't think about how reckless this is, don't think about how he's only doing this because he's too embarrassed to be seen by Jaiver after being so honest.

The people pay him no more mind than usual, it's not unusual to watch him leaving home to head off and drink. It helps calm his nerves, thats for sure. He was certain he was looking suspicious, but now seeing them act as they always do he was free to do as he pleased.

He makes it all the way to the edge of town, past the pub, and out into the wilderness. 

“.....” He stands still and quiet, listening to the sound of nature, wondering where the hell he was going to go now that he had made it.

“Well. I ain't goin' nowhere if I just stand here.”

He heads off, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was following him.

“...No one. Good.”

Chapter Text

seven hours it seems.

He doesn't know if it's been seven hours for sure, but in his heart, thats how long it feels like it's been. He had been walking pretty confidently in the first hour, but as time went on he was getting increasingly tired. Even with that being true, he didn't want to stop until it felt like he had been walking all day.

He stops at the bottom of a small ledge he had accidentally fallen down. At the bottom, there sat a tree that called for him to rest against it.

“Wonder if anyone's gonna come looking for me…” He sighs, sitting on the ground under the alluring tree. “Maybe Javier because he's all about helpin’ dad but…” He couldn't think of anyone else.

“Mm…” He leans on the tree and sighs. “Maybe a nap.” He yawns. “If they catch me, it wasn't meant to be and this plan is just…stupid.” He says closing his eyes slowly. “Yeah, they catch me and I go back to bed…” 

He closes his eyes but then opens them back up. “Mm…” He takes off his jacket and rolls it up, setting it down on the ground to use as a pillow.

“Better.”

As tired as he was, he wasn't going to be sleeping sitting up any time soon.

He sleeps.

The day turns to night around him, the gentle sound of trees swaying in the breeze and birds singing serve as a gentle lullaby. It's nice. Perhaps he might have to go camping more often.

—-

[You're awfully stubborn lloyd.]

He looks around the black void he was standing in. The voice seemed to come from everywhere. It's like his own, but echoing through this space it sounds a bit more menacing. He knew instantly he was dreaming which was weird as he had never had a dream quite like this before. Lucid dreaming he was sure they called it, when you could tell you were dreaming or something like that.

“Huh? The hell is that?”

Before him appears a blue box, floating in the air in front of him like a piece of paper but a bit more shimmery.

[Since you won't get wasted enough for us to take over manually, I’ll just make a deal with you.]

“The fuck?” He swipes at the box but his hand passes through as if it were a ghostly apparition. 

[I need you to give up on life so I can keep my end of the deal. This world is too hard for you to live in right?]

Lloyd stares at the box unable to believe what he was reading. 

[Youre sinking in debt, your family won't listen to you about the dangerous people hurting you in your life, the people who are supposed to protect you are just as dangerous as the people trying to hurt you in the first place, it's pretty clear your family is going to die soon. All this hard work is going to fall on your shoulders when they do and you wont be able to handle it. Can you really take all of that?]

“The fuck am I supposed to do if I can't?” He complains, swatting again. “Just die? Get real!”

[I have an offer for you, a place where you can live in peace.]

Lloyd scoffs and tries to turn away but he finds his feet plastered in place. “Im gonna get peace when I tell mother and father that Neumanns a lying asshole!” He tries to lift his foot from what feels like the ground but it's really just an endless expanse. “Once I learn the spell, I can use it on people and blackmail them with their deepest secrets into payin' me so it's fine!”

[What if I could show you a glimpse of the future that you're headed towards, do you think it would convince you to reconsider?]

Lloyd spits at the box but even that passes through. “No way in hell, unless you got something really crazy up your sleeve.”

[Show future: Yes or no?]

He taps yes immediately with no hesitation, and the area around him changes in an instant.

He's at the estate again. It's a warm summer day and-

A stream of fire blazes from the window and blasts past him. Screaming, he ducks down and watches himself, apparently himself from the future, climb out.

He looks darker. His face is covered in scars and burns that seem old and healed over. The him from this future was wearing strange robes that were worn from what appeared to be blade slashes and fire singing the sleeves.

“You got a lotta nerve, Javier… Did you forget Im the lord's son?” His hand erupts into flame, his bloodshot eyes filled with an uncanny sense of wild instability. “You do as I say now, If I tell you to die...You die,"

Lloyd from his place on the ground looks back, Javier was behind him it seemed. The man was worn out as well, his clothes singed from the fight they seemed to be having.

“You're not even human anymore,” Javier growls. “If you were, you wouldn't do such things. I'm doing the baron and baroness a favor.”

The darkly dressed Lloyd cackles and creates two flaming towers in his palms that rise just short of prodding at the clouds above. 

This cockiness is cut short however as his head is severed from his shoulder in one quick motion. Javier kills him, his eyes dark and cold, like he was exhausted. Even though he's done what he wanted, as soon as this dark Lloyds body hits the ground, tears roll down his cheeks and he drops his sword.

Lloyd, the one not dead, screams in fear and suddenly the world fades back to black.

[You see? It's going to be reallllyyy awful. I doubt you're gonna be able to avoid that. You don't really have the skill. So, if you hit yes on this next screen I can take you to a place far more peaceful where you don't have to worry about things like debt and being murdered.]

[Yes or no?]

He hits no. All this told him was that he was about to get sick ass fire powers.

[Goodness. You really are the worst. I can't keep up my end of the deal you bastard!]

"Why should I give a fuck? If you're making deals with people you don't own its your own fault if shit goes wrong!"

[You should go trip over a rock.]

In a second the dream is over before he can give a less than savory response about what this mysterious box could do if it had a mouth to his ass.

He stirs a bit in his sleep, something felt off.

"I don't care what the baron might feel. I can't take it anymore."

He can feel liquid on his face and the sensation reminds him of all the blood from that night. His eyes snap open and he finds it had been raining from the moist feeling of his coat. 

"Oh," he says trying to get a better look at his coat in the dark. "It was just raining." He reaches down to touch the coat to confirm it. He can't see anything in the dark of the night but he knows rain when he feels it. 

He sits up. "Well, thats-" he stops mid-sentence and screams, an orc standing nearby scaring the hell out of him when it lights a torch. How long had he been there? He cant belive it was so hard he couldn't see him right in front of him.

"You're not dead, oink?" He asks and Lloyd scrambles back a bit away from him.

"Wh- huh? Why would I be?!"

The orc points at his pile of clothes. "There's blood everywhere, oink." 

"Huh?!" Lloyd looks down, finally able to see with the orc holding his torch closer that it hadn't been raining at all. He was sleeping in his own blood. 

"What the fuck!" He reaches up to touch his head. he wasn't bleeding from there. 

"Your nose, oink. I thought someone beat you up because of your black eye, oink."

Lloyd reaches up and as sure as the orc said, there was blood. It's smeared all over his cheek and mouth, some of it staining his hair.

"Why does this keep happening to me?!" He asks this but he's always gotten nosebleeds in the middle of the night from dry air. "This is too much fucking blood to be losing!" He complains. 

"Do you always get beat up, oink?"

"No!" He pulls himself up and runs to hide behind the tree. "That aside, the fuck'r you hangin' ‘round me for!?" 

"Oops sorry, oink. I thought you were dead so I came to see, oink. I was gonna dig a hole and put you in it, oink. Thats what the humans do, right?"

Lloyd nods cautiously, wondering if he still planned to do it.

The orc looks at him, pondering. "...I am Arosh, oink. You got hurt, I can fix it, oink?" He asks offering a hand. He wiggles his fingers like someone trying to call over a stray cat.

"How do I know you're not just gonna finish me off huh? Everyone keeps tryna kill me nowadays!" 

"So you do keep getting beat up, oink?" 

Nooooo!" He whines. "I'm not getting-" He stops himself. "Thats not the point! Whadda want!?"

He points at Lloyd's face. "Fix the blood. oink."

"No!" He replies defiantly. "Fine!" But he agrees Immediately after and comes out of hiding. "Don't do anything crazy alright?"

"I won't, oink!" He insists. "I can't do it myself though, The tribe healer will have to, oink." 

The tribe is shocking. He doesn't know what he was expecting but it absolutely the hell wasn't this. 

"Is that a candelabra?" Lloyd says pointing to one being lifted by an orc covered in sweat.

"Hm? Candle what, oink?" Arosh asks.

"It holds candles." 

Aroosh rubs his chin like he's thinking but Lloyd can tell he's just doing it to look like he's thinking. He's clueless.

"No..?" Aroosh finally confirms.

"It is though."

They stand in long awkward silence.

"...No?" Arosh says again.

Lloyd sighs. "Ok." He steps forward looking around a bit, that was a conversation for another time. "Wheres the person whos gonna fix my eye up?"

"Oh. This way catman, oink!" Arosh says taking his wrist and heading off.

"Huh?" He doesn't fight being dragged away, but he is confused. "Catman?" 

Arosh chuckles a little. "When I found you, you were like an angry cat, oink!" He explains. "Hiss hiss, wheres this big green guy come from hiss hiss!" 

Lloyd sighs. "Be for real man..." He couldn't even argue. If he was able to hiss like a cat he probably would have.

Arosh drags him off to a tent held up by the tusks of some grand beast. It seemed normal in comparison to Arosh, but to lloyd it was massive.

"Healer Hand lives here, oink, " aroosh tells him, gesturing to a man doing push-ups on the floor. Lloyd assumes it must be a nickname or something. There's no way his name is actually Healer Hand.

"Oh, Arosh?" He says sitting up from what he was doing. "What can I do for you, oink?"

Arosh shoves lloyd forward. "His eye." 

"Sheesh, just break me in half why don't you?" Lloyd complains. “You can see i'm injured, right?”

“Better than you,” Arosh tells him, not to be rude but just speaking of his better night vision. “I’ll be more careful, humans are very soft, oink.”

"Hm…" the healer orc approaches and looks lloyd over. "So much blood…” It had dried up a bit by now but with lloyd trying to wipe it away it was smeared all over his already horribly beaten face.

 Thats not the point though." He rubs his hands together for what feels like a long time and then rests his hot palm over his black eye.

“Tch-” He almost recoils but the heat actually feels pretty great. “Hm?” He leans in, wrapping his arms around the massive forearm of Healer Hand. If he could purr, he would be doing so right now.

“Your injury looks old, oink. The best way to take care of that is put cold on it the first day first and then warm.” Healer Hand tells him. “You like it, oink?”

Lloyd nods, closing his eyes to just relax into his palm.

“He really is a cat man, oink!” Arosh chuckles.

Healer hand laughs too, but while the two of them are laughing something happens in Lloyd's mind. 

“He brings heat to his hands by rubbing them together, it's not really magic but it's… bein mindful of the heat in your body and moving it around. Maybe I can do that fire stuff from that vision with that in mind.” He thinks.

He was given a spot in Arosh’s place, a large tent-like structure that seemed to also be some parts wood and actual walls built in one place.

He was given dinner being a guest and all, but after tasting the meat on his plate he couldn't really work up an appetite. 

“It's not very tender, there's no flavor either…” He thinks. “Actually no, it's so tough it's inedible.”  

But looking around, it makes sense. The orcs were all gathered together outside Arosh’s home by a fire, eating with their sharp teeth. He had noticed it earlier, but these guys didn't seem all that concerned with taste so long as the food would serve to make them stronger. It was like hanging out with aliens, their culture seemed so unlike human culture it was kind of shocking.

“But who the fuck doesn't like flavor?” He says gnawing on a piece of meat. He was hungry after all, just struggling.

“If mother was here she would have made it better.”

As he's thinking, Akush, Arosh’s father he had learned, stands to make an announcement. 

“Now that we have eaten, oink, it's time to rest for the morning hunt!”

The others snort and oink in response, impassioned by the idea of getting to hunt.

“Sheesh,” Lloyd says poking his meat with the fork they had lent him from their collection of things they had found or taken kept, in a storage tent around the center of their encampment. 

“Is everything alright, oink?” Arosh asks leaning over his shoulder.

“Hm?” Lloyd jumps a bit but ultimately just nods. “Yeah, I guess.”

But that answer doesn't feel right. “Is Lloyd sure?” He says looking at his uneaten food.

“I…” He doesn't want to be rude for once. Mostly because he was surrounded by a group of people where he was sure even a baby of this group could turn him into a bloody stain on the floor in seconds. “I dunno, I just... my teeth ain't cut out for eating this.” He admits.

Arosh rubs his chin again. “Maybe something can help you in the storage, oink?”

“Uh, you’d let me go poking around in there?”

Arosh pets him on the head. “You're a good guy catman. I know you can find something good for you, all that stuff is human stuff and you know humans good, oink!”

Lloyd doesn't complain, he doesn't even want to really. It's weird, his compliment feels great actually. His face goes red and he stands up. “Here, I’ll go find something else then,” He says handing his meat off to Arosh. 

“See you inside soon! Goodnight, oink!” Arosh calls as lloyd heads off.

There had to be something good in storage.

"And maybe I can shove some small valuables in my pocket..."

He chuckles sinisterly and heads off.

Chapter Text

[Alarm]

[You have been chosen to have a random wish granted by the “irrevocable.”]

He had fallen asleep, not at home in his bed, but out at the airport on the floor. 

“Its never snowed this hard in Korea before has it?” He had heard a woman saying to a friend. “We're going to be stuck here all night it seems.”

He himself dreaded the idea of being stuck overnight since he had only come here as a favor to a friend. Their friend from America was visiting and needed a ride when the plane arrived. It turned out, however, the man had gotten cold feet and skipped the ride over. He was missing good sleep and probably a good chunk of work tomorrow over this bullshit.

“It just won't stop…” Her friend comments. The words haunt him for some reason, repeating over and over in his head like an omen of something to come.

Kim Suho listens to them speak as he falls asleep, the last page of the novel he was reading still open.

[Congrats! :) clap clap clap]

When he opens his eyes, a beautiful chandelier hangs over his head, crystals reflect the light of the candles all across the dark room creating a kaleidoscope-like pattern on the walls.

“Huh?” He asks groggily. “Huh?” He asks again, startled by the depth of his voice. 

“What the-” He looks around, he's no longer at the airport, thats for sure, but he's not at home either.

“What is this place..?” 

He rubs his eyes to wake up. “It's still night time but…” He looks to the window. The curtains are closed but he can see the lights of a large city shining through just a bit.

“Geez,” He throws the blankets off of himself and gets out of bed. “Ok, what's going on here?”

He walks around the large lavish room for a bit trying to figure out what was happening. 

“Hm…” Hanging across a chair in the corner of the room is a very familiar-looking uniform.

“This is…”

It was the uniform worn at the royal academy. 

[Oops. looks like you finally noticed! Yeah, it wasn't supposed to be quite like this.]

“What? What does that mean?”

[Well you know, you kinda get your wish granted but there are a few drawbacks.]

“Like?”

[Welllll, this guy wasn't supposed to be the one you woke up in. Originally I wanted you a little closer to a certain someone, you might know him? An um, Javier Asrahan.]

He raises a brow. “What? Like from-”

He was going to say like from the novel he had been reading but looking around, he was basically living in the world of the book right now wasn't he? That was the only thing that could explain the face, European decor, and the familiar uniform.

“So wait, who am I then if im not Javier?”

[Pft!]

[You? Javier? Not in a million years!]

[lol.]

He swats at the blue box but it doesn't vanish. “Ok ok, smart alec, who the heck am I then?”

[Check a mirror my guy, im not your mom.]

He sighs. “Fine.” And just his luck there was a mirror right here in the room anyways.

“Hm…” He stands in front of it and looks at himself for a while, not really recognizing who he was looking at. “J…Julian?” Thats his first thought, the guy did attend this school. “No. Julian doesn't have blond hair though.” He turns to look at himself.

“Blond hair, strong nose, brown eyes…” He crosses his arms. “I… I don't know this guy at all.”

[Oh come on, you don't recognize him at all?!]

Suho leans into the mirror, scrutinizing him a little more.

“...Die…Diego?” 

[Ding ding ding! Diego Lacona! Son of Viscount Lacona! He's a student at the royal academy and a huge bully.]

Suho sighs. “What? I have to be this hooligan?!” He throws his hands up. “Ugh! What a mess!”

He turns around back to the bed. “Ok, you know what? Its still nighttime, im going to bed. I can deal with this in the morning.”

And go back to bed he does.

When the morning comes, Suho is up and at 'em like usual. 

“Hm…” He hums getting dressed and ready for the day. “Let's see…Diego huh?”

It was unfortunate. He didn't really like Diego all that much, not because he was a bad person, no, a bad person could easily be liked in the right circumstances. The problem with Diego was that he was a forgettable one-off character made only to fill the role of a stereotypical bully. 

There was another character at the beginning of the book like him. The Frontera family's eldest Lloyd who had a similar role, but he was made a bit more memorable since he was at Javier's side until he died serving as a source of friction in the beginning. They had plenty of interesting moments between them, and Javier would often muse about him in later chapters when painful things would happen. 

A character like Diego was someone he didn't recall at all after he lost relevance. 

“Everything on this guy fit into like a paragraph at most. I don't recall much about him at all,” Suho laments. “Still, maybe knowing a bit about the book will be helpful when I get out there and start living this guy's life huh?” but then he realises something.

“Oh god…This guys a law student.” He cringes and grinds his teeth in agony, he didn't know a damn thing about the law, let alone the laws here except for a few that were relevant to the plot.

“Maybe… Oh gosh, are there like, cheat codes or something?” He asks, hoping for that blue box to return. “Like law cheat codes? Cheat sheets for class?”

The box reappears, a list of skills is presented.

[Oh man, you actually have a few good ones already, this sucks.] 

[Diego's skills]

[-Illustration-]

[When you use this skill, you can create decent images of people and clothes, mostly hot girls though.]

“Sigh.” He says instead of actually sighing.

[-Studious Bastard-]

[Passive skill, an above basic understanding of the laws in this land.]

[-tenor and baritone-]

[when used, you can dazzle crowds with a classically trained operatic singing style. You absolutely don't deserve this.]

[-community bicycle-]

[passive skill, when girls see you talking to another girl, they will become enraged at your playboy antics.]

“You gotta be kidding me…” But then again, at least he was actually popular with ladies. That might be nice.

[It's all his money I think.]

“Oh absolutely.” Shallow guys attract shallow girls, or at least thats how it is in novels. 

[alrighty! You got everything you need, good luck! Im not feeling so hot. Gtg.]

“Huh? What do you mean, you're literally just a box?” but it doesn't return to explain any further.

"Hmm what to do…"

He was lucky. If he had come to in Lloyd or Julian Frontera’s body he would be swimming in the Frontera family's debt and probably dead within a year. This box was acting like it was a bad thing to come to in the body of an affluent viscount's son. Get real!

“Hm, guess the first thing I should do is not be late for class.”

So he heads off.

Chapter Text

The storage tent is large and not very spacious. Dust covers everything that can't be turned into workout gear, and god thats a lot. He sifts through boxes of bits and baubles, pricy decorations, useless building supplies, strange imports from faraway lands, and the like.

"Ooh," he picks out a gold coin belt, holding it up to jingle it a bit. "Ah I know what you are," he quickly secures it onto himself and does a little spin to hear it ring.

"Heheh…" He's absolutely delighted. "I wonder," at first, too embarrassed to cut loose, he just jumps around a bit. Even with no one watching he can't imagine dancing.

"Eh…" but he knows how these belts work. They're a lot more appealing when you're dancing. “Hmmm…” He looks around cautiously, making sure no one is coming by listening closely and watching for shadows outside the tarp. No one and nothing, just him alone while the others slept.

“...Ok,”

He rolls his hips the same way he had seen performers from Asfahan do, the glittery ones dressed in long silky skirts and beaded brassieres that jingled with each step. He's sure this belt must have been taken from them in fact. He sways, shimmies, turns, and only when he was alone dances to the music in his head with a little laugh. It's a surprising amount of coordination to anyone who might know him, in secret alone he had learned to wind his hips the way those dancers did because it was rather fun to do in front of a mirror. 

He stops and looks over his shoulder just in case someone had shown up since he started, but when he finds no one there, he gives one more wind of his hips, rolling his hand alongside before quitting and throwing his hand over his mouth to cackle.

“Oh my god, this is fuckin dumb,” He chuckles, spinning on a heel. “Let's focus.” But he can't stop laughing at himself for all of that. "Oh my god," He moves on finally.

“Ok, let's see.” He heads over to another box and cracks it open to find it filled to the brim with a variety of seasonings. “Oh my fuck-”

He reaches in and secures a small container with a very specific word on the top. 

“Saffron…” He can hardly believe it. They just let this pricy shit sit out here and go to waste. Thank fuck it was edible and Arosh had told him to help himself to some food. He shoves it in his coat pocket and shakes so excitedly that his belt jingles again.

“And we got salt here too,” He takes a pinch and puts it on his tongue to gauge the quality of its taste. “Hm…” He takes a moment. “Ocean salt.” And it's a huge container too, about 8 or 9 gallons. He's surprised they were not lifting it at first but then the candelabra was probably way heavier than that. “Fresh and flavorful, kinda iron-y though, still, thats not a bad thing.”

He reaches into another container of salt. “Hmmm. Same thing.” He says checking each of the about 14 containers. 

“It's all ocean salt.” He confirms. “Nice!” He takes one more pinch and savors the flavor. 

Being the kind of guy who lived to drink and eat only, he had become quite the gourmet. Before he had become the man he was now though, he was a loyal little assistant to his mother who absorbed as much cooking knowledge from her as he could.

“If you want to eat good food, you have to know how to make it.” Marbella had told him as he sat watching her contemplate the usage of two different salts. “Ocean salt is good when you want to make something flavorful, while grinder salt like this would be best for making a crust on fish.” 

He listened reverentially, his stomach growling at the prospect of getting to eat some fish.

“We're going to use the ocean salt, I want this meal to knock everyone’s socks off.” 

He puts the lids back on the salt. Even if it was high-quality salt, he had no use for this much salt that wasn't his. 

“Let's find some actual food.”

He searches the tent well into the night, snacking on anything edible he can as he goes. While he searches though he can't help it when he sees something nice. By the time he's returned to Arosh’s he's wearing tons of rings, necklaces, armlets, bracelets, anklets, a few waist chains, a crown and circlet, clip-on earrings, and anything else he could hang on himself. 

He leaves the tent chewing on a carrot and carrying a bottle of mead, jingling as he goes.

When he gets to bed no one says anything, but the morning is different.

“C…catman…” 

He wakes up to Arosh shaking him gently as he can, but the violent jingling of his clothes gives way to the fact that he was actually shaking rather hard.

“Huh?” He asks groggily. “Wha?” He yawns.

“What are you wearing?” He asks kneeling next to him.

Lloyd sits up. “Hm? What am I wearing?” He looks down at his hands, remembering last night's events. “Uhhhh…Pretty stuff I guess?”

Arosh crosses his arms. “From our storage?”

Lloyd nods. “I can put it back.”

Arosh stares for a minute before smirking a bit. “You really are like a cat, oink.”

“Eh, the fucks that supposed to mean?” He wasn't that embarrassed when he left the storage the other night, but now he was feeling like he could curl up and die. That amused look on Arosh’s face was killing him, he felt silly.

“Like when a cute little cat steals your hair tie because he's not getting enough attention, oink.” He can't help but giggle a bit. “You look too shimmery, but if you like it I do too, oink!” He stands up. 

“Hunting starts soon, no time to talk much more,” He starts. “I wonder how you humans can stand to hunt every day. So soft, oink,”

Lloyd arches a brow up at him from his spot on the mat that was his bed. “Huh? Hunting every day? We don't do that.”

Arosh looks puzzled by this. “But what about food, oink? You don't hunt every day and so you won't get enough protein.”

“Eh well, you know we just-”

But before he can explain, Akush calls for his son from the other room.

“Oop, no time, bye bye to you Catman! Oink!” He heads off quickly, waving over his shoulder as he does. “When I get back!”

Lloyd nods and waves. “Yeah, see ya soon!” 

“He didn't tell me to take it all off… Nice.” he thinks. “And he doesn't even seem to know about the saffron.”

He lies back down. “If I play my cards right, these guys could be my golden ticket to fixing everything back home.” He smirks. “Heh, and to think I left home for the spell but found all this.” 

He holds up a hand and looks at the many rings on his fingers admiring their beauty with a shitty little grin. “But man, I could get used to lookin’ like this,” He wiggles his fingers a bit before lowering his arm. 

“Well, they oughta be out for a while.” He yawns. “No use waiting around when I can pass the time.” He reaches for the mead he took last night and takes a long swig, basically chugging half of it down before closing his eyes.

He would pass the time by sleeping, of course. 

"Arosh!" 

The yelling snaps him out of his distraction. Lost in thought, he was hardly present during the morning hunt.

"Oink!" He yells, taking off to chase a beast running in between rocks. 

It's fast but he's faster, trapping its head in his arms he crushes its throat in one strong flex.

He was used to the way death felt in his arms. It was violent squirming, clawing, the cries of desperation that reverberate through him, and ultimately; stillness.

The orcs cheer and he holds the beast over his head triumphantly. That was a good meal he was holding. Now to kill a few more.

He regroups with the others, but when he does his father approaches.

"Arosh. You seem… lost." He says walking by his side.

"Hm? No." He insists but his father knows him too well.

"Less words means more thoughts, oink." He says with a little smile. He puts a hand on his shoulder. "More thoughts, more distractions, more mistakes, oink. Leave those thoughts back home and pick them up when you return," He gives his shoulder a squeeze. "They're not going anywhere."

Arosh nods. "You're right," he slaps his cheeks to pump himself up. "Focus, oink."

He decides to talk to his father when they got back.

Lloyd wakes up to the sound of a stampede not too dissimilar to the one he heard when the orcs left in the morning. It seemed they were back. 

"Sheesh. More shitty flavorless meat, i'm so excited." He complains sarcastically. "I gotta go get some seasonings." 

He's up, heading back to storage to grab some herbs and spices. "Could also use an onion." He muses on his way there.

Outside he can see the orcs returning, just a storm of green approaching rapidly from the distance.

"God." He says grimacing off at them. "It's kinda freaky. The fuck are you green for?" He shakes his head and goes to grab everything he needs.

It's not hard to find stuff since he had spent all night getting very acquainted with the layout. 

He finds an onion like he wanted. That would be the first step to making his meat a bit more tender. 

Next are the herbs and spices. Pepper, parsley, garlic, honey, salt, these boxes had everything. He snatches a bag for it all and shoves them all in before heading out, the stampede of orcs shaking the whole area now.

"Sheesh…" he sounds like a chorus of bells as he walks over the trembling ground. "Heavy ass bastards." 

Arosh is kind enough to give him a slab of uncooked meat instead of cooking it for him and Lloyd thanks him before getting to work. He still had his knife from the barony and without much fanfare, he starts cutting up the onion. He reaches into his bag and pulls out some of the seasonings he had brought as well, lathering the meat in them. Next, he pulls out some cheesecloth he had found and sets it down on a table in front of him.

"Hmmm…" he lays the onions out on it and puts the generous meat hunk on top of them. "Not bad." He puts the rest of the onions on top and wraps the cloth tight around the meat to get the tenderizing process started.

"Catman, what are you doing?" Arosh asks coming inside to see him. He had taken his meat inside after Arosh gave it to him which he found strange considering there was no fire in here.

"Oh. Getting the meat ready to cook," lloyd tells him. "It's gonna be much softer when I cook it 'cause im wrappin' it in onions." He says with a satisfied smile. 

Arosh can't help it. He's captivated. He had tried ignoring it but the gold jewelry was really doing something to bring out a strange sort of rugged charm this guy had to him. He's just too cute. Part of him wants to crush lloyd to death the same way anyone with a bad case of cute aggression would want to when they saw something too adorable to handle.

"Arosh?" Lloyd turns to him when arosh says nothing in reply to his explanation. "You still sleepy or something?"

“Hm! No!” He snorts a bit and turns away blushing. “Just watching, im curious, oink!”

“How are you gonna watch if you're facing away? Turn back over here, dingus.” He doesn't show it on his face, but he's baffled by his use of the world dingus. Since when did he start not swearing?

Arosh turns back. “Of course!”

Lloyd takes the meat and sets it in the middle of the table. “Gonna wait like 30 minutes, now that I think of it, not really much for you to watch right now.”

“Oh, so Im good to go, oink?”

Lloyd shrugs. “Uh, I guess? If you come back in 30 minutes you can watch me finish this shit though.”

Arosh gives a thumbs up and leaves so quickly that lloyd wonders if maybe there was a fire under his feet or something.

“Tch, what a weird guy.” He says going to sit down and wait.

Outside Arosh sits next to his father who was waiting for him so patiently that he couldn't help but thank the gods above that he had a father so kind. He was holding some of today's hunt skewered on a stick, cooked to perfection.

“Here you go, Oink,” Akush says handing over the meat, taking a bit of his own when Arosh is finally fed. “Let's talk about today, what's on your mind, oink.”

Arosh blushes again, trying to think of a way to explain it. “The human…” He starts a little shyly, twirling his hair a bit. He doesn't have to say much more for his father to get the picture, the blushing and averted eyes say it all.

Akush smirks and gives him a knowing look. “Oh?” He chuckles. “Thats unexpected, but I guess opposites come together always, oink,” He slaps his son's back and gives a hearty laugh. “You have always been so strange, boy! You have weird taste, oink!” 

Arosh giggles a bit himself, he's embarrassed but not too much. He could trust his father would never treat him badly for something like a little crush on a weak person.

“What are you going to do?” Akush asks with a mouth full of food. “Will you make him one of us, oink? I mean after your ant hunt ceremony, of course."

Arosh shakes his head. “He doesn't belong out here I think, oink.” He starts. “Humans just don't like to live this way, I don't think he would be happy, oink.”

Akush nods. “Humans live with humans, orcs with orcs, we're only happy when we're with each other, oink.” Still, there were a few half-orcs in the tribe, it wasn't entirely unheard of for humans to join them.

“...Oink,” Arosh says sadly, ripping a hunk of meat off in his teeth, chewing it sadly. 

“Aw,” Akush laughs a bit and rubs his back. “It's ok, You’ll survive, oink!” He looks off to the fire where other orcs were still cooking. “People come and go, oink. You’ll be just fine, oink."

Arosh nods. He had only found Lloyd out in the night a bit ago, he wasn't agonizing over some impossible forbidden love or something. Just thinking about a guy who was very charming.


He would be fine.



Still, he was so cute, it was a pity.

"Ugh," Arosh groans. Just don't think about it too much, he supposes.

Chapter Text

Lloyd had a few more things he needed now. An iron grill stand, a frying pan, some mushrooms, some lard, and some red wine. 

“The meats red, so I think a red wine would be good.” He muses, unwrapping the meat to check the tenderness. Being picky about food made him pretty good at deciding the best combos for food when cooking, he guessed.

“Catman!” Arosh calls. He was back just in time. 

“Oh, Arosh,” He says not looking up from what he's doing. “Welcome back my man,” He says lathering the frying pan with lard. “You're back just in time.” He tells him with a little smile. “I'm puttin' this on the fire now, c’mon.” He says placing the meat and onions in the pan. “Carry the grill.” He says tossing it, just a small table-shaped stand big enough to hold one pan, to Arosh on his way outside to the fire.

“Oh!” He catches it and heads off behind him. “Yes! Oink!” 

When they're outside, a few orcs have to double-take at Lloyd dressed so affluently in all his gold. He hadn't looked like that the other day so they were quite confused about why he looked that way now. Where had all of this stuff come from?

“Alrighty, get over here and set that down,” Lloyd orders, taking a stick by the fire for skewering meat and using it to instead drag some embers out to the side of the fire pit.

“Yes!” Arosh says and sets the grill down over the pile of burning embers like he assumed Lloyd wanted him to.

“Perfect, thanks Arosh.” However, as he says this he notices something.

“Being nice feels so easy.” He thinks. “I haven't been all that mad at all since I got here.”

But thinking about it, what was there to be mad about? No Neumann, no Javier, no parents, no Julian, no judgemental gazes and fearful civilians. It's shocking to him when he thinks about it, but actually, he wasn't actually all that angry a person when he wasn't under the scrutiny of people who hated him.

He smiles warmly, taking his knife to use as a spatula to cook his meat, throwing in some mushrooms he cuts as he does.

“What's the honey and wine for?” Arosh asks, watching him work.

“Oh that,” He offers cheerfully. “It's just flavor.” He opens the wine and takes a sip. “I can't possibly eat all this meat myself, so when it's done, do you want a taste?” he chugs a bit more and that warm feeling in his gut just makes his already good mood better. 

Arosh nods very eagerly.

“Ha!” He hears his father laugh from a bit away. “Having fun boy?” He teases.

Arosh laughs a bit himself. “Oink! Stay over there, father!” He giggles. 

Akush waves a hand playfully and turns back to what he's doing.

Lloyd pays the antics no mind, he doesn't even know what they're talking about so it's irrelevant. He turns the meat and cooks it for a bit before pouring in the honey and wine, watching the mixture bubble.

"Woah…" arosh marvels at the smell and a few others nearby who smell it too look curiously.

"Now we just gotta let it simmer, keep stirrin’ it so that the flavor gets everywhere."

A few other orcs subtly make their way over to observe, the smell too tantalizing to ignore. 

Lloyds brushes his hair out of his face behind his ear. Even though his expression was relaxed, the orcs flocking over to watch were making him a little nervous. 

"Is this what performance anxiety feels like?" 

"Smells good. Too good, oink." One orc comments and the others nod in agreement.

"Oh, it's probably just the onions and garlic," Lloyd tells them. "It gives a good smell and taste, I put it on everything." 

They all nod and he blushes. 

"They're acting like I'm doing something exceptional."

He stirs a bit more before finally removing the pan from the fire.

"Alright, it's done." He sits it down on the ground, cutting through the tender meat with his knife. Steam rises for the food and their mouths water at the scent.

"Here," lloyd scoops up a piece and balances it on the side of the broad cooking blade. He holds it out to arosh and gives him a surly-looking expression, but from how much Arosh knows about him that was just how he looked most of the time.

"Woah…" Arosh can hardly wait. He takes the meat and pops it in his mouth, eyes widening at the flavor. 

"What the-" he can't even find the words. It's good beyond imagination. "Catman, this is…"

Lloyd blushes harder. "Is it bad?" He asks a bit more meekly than he would have liked. He knew he wasn't good at anything, but he thought at the very least he could make food taste a little good. 

"No!" Arosh insists. "It's so good!" He tells him as he shakes his shoulders. "Super good!" 

"Ag-gg-ghh-hhh-hh…" Lloyd screams mildly as he's shaken back and forth, his voice wavering from the shaking. "Ok, if it's good can I eat now?" 

Arosh lets him go and nods.  "Eat up!" But he doesn't leave. None of them leave actually, they all just watch as he cuts off another slice.

"......" Lloyd brings the slice up to his mouth with a piece of mushroom but finds he can't quite get into eating. 

".....uh." He starts. "...Do you guys MIND?!" He shouts, flailing his arms to shoo them away, frustration getting the best of him. "I can't eat with you guys staring at me! Get away!" 

Most of the orcs, Arosh included, disperse and leave him to his meal. 

"Sheesh, what a crowd." He grumbles. 

The royal academy.

Kim Suho, no Diego Lacona, walks the path around the back of the school back to the dorms on his way from class, paying no mind to where he's going. Not a single soul but him took this path, most preferring to take the built-in route that led from the front of the building.

"So I'm fitting in pretty good so far but…" he knows three years from now that the queen would become an evil tyrant and destroy everything. If he was supposed to enjoy his life, being a citizen in a crumbling kingdom ruled by a tyrant would be kind of shitty.

He crashes, and the person he slams into hits the ground.

"Oh!" He looks down to find that the person before him was Julian Frontera himself. "Geez, watch where you’re going," He says, reaching out to help him up.

"Ugh-" Julian lifts an arm to cover his face from what looks like an attack from Diego. 

"Huh? Hey? You alright?" Diego asks. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" 

"What do you want?" Julian asks harshly, pulling himself up. "Is this some new way of messing with me?" He scoffs and goes to pick up his books. "Listen, I'm leaving so you don't even have to worry about me anymore, ok?" 

"You're leaving?"

Julian gathers his books in one neat pile. "Yes. I'm going back home. I can't attend this school any longer." 

Diego frowns. "Huh? Why?"

[Julian is incredibly suspicious of you due to your weird behavior.]

Diego frowns and swats the box away. Even if he's suspicious, what the heck was Julian even gonna do? Kill him? Get real, this guy Diego was Julian’s bully. There's no way he's going to be able to do anything about this.

"Why are you talking to me like this?" Julian asks. "You're acting weird, if this is some sort of sick game-"

"It's not!" Diego insists. “Hey, Julian, listen, im sorry about everything,”

[Julian is now SUPER suspicious of you.]

“Ugh, can't have anything in this world, just how bad was this guy?” Suho complains.

“I mean it!” He says holding up his hands in defeat. “Listen! I know we’ve had it…pretty rough, you and I, but I want to turn over a new leaf and leave it behind me. If you need proof im telling the truth, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Julian glares at him, trying to figure out what kind of prank or trick this was supposed to be. 

“...Well? What can I do?” Diego asks hopefully. He knows that if Julian is leaving the school, it means the Fronteras must have died by now leaving him penniless and unable to afford tuition. That was strange because the date in his class on the board indicated the year had not progressed that far, but there was no telling what might have changed about the world around them.

“Maybe something changed when I came here, ” He thinks, like the butterfly effect. He hadn't done much of anything but attend class since arriving, but perhaps even something minor like taking a left turn instead of a right down a hall hand changed something.

“Die,” Julian says plainly.

“Huh?” Diego looks baffled.

“I really hate you, I think the only way I’d forgive you is if you were dead.” 

“Man…” Diego says nervously. “I uh-”

“Because every day since I've met you, I've wished I was dead. There's not a single day that goes by where i'm not miserable because of you.” He continues. “I hate you, I hate you so mu-”

“I only did it 'cause I like you!” Diego cuts in.

“Huh? What the fuck?” Suho asks himself internally.

[You what?]

“Don't ask me!” Suho thinks. “I'm just kinda winging it myself!”

Diego looks up away from the blue box back to Julian who was giving a disgusted grimace so foul it could rot fruits in an instant.

“What!?” Diego insists. “You know what they say…”

“QUICK think of something embarrassing!” Suho yells to himself. “We need to blush to really sell it!”

“...Guys who pull your hair are the ones who uh, who just want your attention and all, because they like you..?” He looks away coyly, trying to really sell the lie by thinking about every embarrassing thing he had ever done in his life. His face blazes red as he recalls the time he was caught digging through the trash at a McDonald's for a few fries he had seen a girl throw away. 

Julian's expression changes from disgust to confusion and dread. This guy was serious apparently. “Y-You're joking, right? Diego, you're joking-”

Diego clenches his fist and gives him an impassioned glare of determination. “No Julian! Im not joking. I've been in love with you since the day we met,” He looks away again. “I was just afraid of these weird feelings I have, I didn't know how to act around you, I just…” 

Julian's horrified expression deepens. “Die…Diego…” this was bad.

[Hey buddy, question. Why are you doing this?]

Suho shrugs. “Don't ask me! I just want to get along with him!” He thinks.

[You're gonna do a lot more than get along if you manage to convince him of this you know.]

Diego sighs. 

“Listen. Im done messing with you, and I mean it looks like you're leaving anyways, so just putting it out on the table that I really don’t want any more friction with you,” He tells him, bowing deeply.

“Julian Frontera, im so sorry!” He stands back upright. “If this is really the last time I can see you, I want to be honest and not live with regrets. I love you!” 

Julian stands still, gawking with his mouth agape, a disgusted sneer on his face.

“He…he doesn't seem like he's joking, if he is... the jokes gone on way too long.” Julian thinks. “I hate him and all but… Would I just be bullying him back if I told him to go fuck himself?”

J ulian looks around to see if he can spot Diego’s friends. Nothing about this random day was making sense. “...Are you being serious, Diego, I need you to be honest with me…” He says with a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.

“Do you want me to like, kiss you or something?” Diego sighs. He didn't really want to but he could if it meant he could get him to trust him. After all, he didn't want Julian going out to get stabbed in the street.

“If I can keep him alive until he gets home, maybe that would be good enough, to die before seeing the graves of his parents would be too cruel,”

“......” Julian just stares, not sure what to do.

“I don't think we should kiss though, even if I do like you,” Diego admits. “Im still figuring all this feeling stuff out and I think-” He clears his throat. “If I do that, I feel like I might cry, im not ready for something like that.”

“...You…” Julian keeps looking for something, anything that will prove this is a joke.

“You Seriously, SERIOUSLY, are not joking? For real? You're not making this up?”

Diego gives a thumbs up. “Yeah.” And then an idea comes to him. “Wanna go on a date?”

Julian debates for a bit in his head, trying to choose what he would do. “I…I guess?” He shakes his head. “I uh, I don't think I really um, I've never thought about going on a date with a guy but-” He throws his hands up. “I swear to you if I find out you're lying and this is just some big prank im going to-” But what was he going to do? Be humiliated? He lowers his arms. "Please just don't be lying, I cant take this much longer..."

“Im not lying!” He insists. “Come on, Let's go to the theatre, they're showing a play I know! You’ll love it!”

Julian nods, skeptical about all this but curious about where it was going now. If this was a prank, god, for once he wanted to see what exactly the goal was.

Chapter Text

Julian stands in front of his mirror, tying his jabot on, pinning the red jewel brooch his mother had given him to the front. 

“Hm…” He smooths it out slowly, watching his gloved hand travel across the fabric with great trepidation. “This is…This is insane…” Julian says softly. “Why am I doing this?”  

His heart races, he was afraid. Diego's sudden change and even more sudden confession was leaving him uneasy about the whole situation. He pulls on a black vest and then a red jacket with flowing silver swirls along the front over that. Each button buttoned feels like he's drawing closer to his impending doom. It's as if he's dressing himself for his own coming funeral like some sort of idiot who can't see danger when it's right in front of him.

After his confession things got busy at the academy, both were wrapped up in exams and school projects and time flew by where Julian had the chance to forget it all, but now tonight was the night of the show.

The sound of rain hitting the window goes unnoticed until thunder shakes the room.

“Eek!” He jolts, turning to face the window. “What the-?”

He walks over and looks out. It was pouring this afternoon, and the sky was starting to turn dark with the coming of the evening storm. 

“Goodness…” He thinks about telling Diego he was canceling, or just not going at all, but he had already bought the tickets. It would be rude to do so now.

“But then again, im leaving soon…” But he wasn't leaving that soon. He would see him in school the next day and have to explain himself if this wasn't some big joke.

“To my dearest Julian, it's with a heavy heart I confess to you that I am unable to continue providing my support in your pursuit of study at the Royal Academy of Magetano. Your expeditious return to the Frontera Barony is requested.”

Thats what the letter his father had sent him said. His expeditious return was requested, but he had sent a letter asking why back. He wouldn't return until he had his answers, afraid his foul brother might have been sending it in fathers stead to mess with him. He had a knack for forgery that he was thankful he only ever used to pull stupid stunts within their home.

“But if it is father… I really would have to leave, wouldn't I?” It was too painful to imagine.

“No, I have to go to the show.” He tells himself. He wasn't going to stand up Diego. If he was truly turning a new leaf, he would give him a chance. “If there's one less terrible person in the world, thats only ever a good thing.” He tells himself. 

He pulls a pair of black leather oxfords in dust bags from under his bed and sits down to brush them clean with a shoe brush he stored nearby. A few firm strokes over the top and side of each one is all he needs to be satisfied before he removes the shoe trees inside to set them on the nightstand nearby.

He pulls them on and laces them tight, trying to steady his trembling hands. 

“Alright.” Diego was preparing as well, wearing a long royal blue double-breasted coat and black jabot looking like something out of a Dracula novel. “Sheesh, all I need now Is a cape at this point.” Apparently, this coat was made with the dye from the Lacona Viscounty, its quality was certainly easy to see in the vibrant royal blue hue that made the garment stand apart from the other pieces in his wardrobe.

He spins in the mirror and upon finding himself satisfied he gives a little peace sign to his reflection.

“Hm.” He smiles and giggles a bit. “Y’know, this is actually kinda fun.” He says excitedly.

[Sigh.]

He scowls. “Eh? What the heck are you sighing about anyways?” He asks a bit annoyed. “You said I was granted a wish right? Aren’t you supposed to be happy after someone grants you a wish?”

[SIIIIGGGHHH.]

Diego just rolls his eyes. “Fine, keep complaining, see if I care.” He runs a hand down his chest and turns his head back and forth to look himself over. “Heh, not bad.” He grins. “The son of a Viscount in a prosperous viscounty, Im living the good life!” But he reaches up to tug at his Jabot a bit. “Eugh, just wish living good didn't have me wearing such stuffy clothes,” He confesses. “I miss Adidas.” 

[SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.]

He swats the box away. “What are you sighing about!?” 

[It wasn't supposed to be this easy you know. Don't you want to like, go out and solve some problems or something?]

“Huh? I am! Im keeping Julian from being stabbed to death! Isn't that doing something!?”

[Thats not what was supposed to happen.]

“Then what was supposed to happen then, huh? If it sucked then I’m not sure why you think you're going to get any sympathy from me.”

The box doesn't appear, confirming his assumption that he was supposed to get a life that did indeed suck. 

“God.” Diego sighs. “I don't know what you're expecting outta me but you're absolutely not gonna get it. Im living the life I always wanted here.” He admits. “Korea was a nightmare where my only solace was sleeping in bed and reading a book.” He grumbles. “Not even a good one all the time either! Sometimes they sucked! It would be a wasted night of reading something that amounted to nothing!”

He was free here. He could laze about after going to a comfortable and enjoyable class, wear nice clothes, indulge in the hobbies he wasn't given the time to back home, and eat the best food money could buy. This was an amazing life. 

“And now I can even spend time with my favorite character. It's like a self-insert fanfiction come true.” He wouldn't lie, Julian was his favorite. He found him rather relatable, a man who had done everything right; he studied hard and did well in school, he was kind to others and treated them the way he wanted to be treated, but he was a man who was ultimately swept aside by the cruel world he was wandering in. he was someone who he could see a lot of himself in.

He wouldn't be able to tell Julian about his life, his real life, just yet though. Hell, he's not sure he would ever be able to. At first, he thinks that perhaps because Julian wasn't able to do any damage to him that it would be fine to be honest about being from another world but…

“What if he reports me to someone for being a body-snatching evil wizard or something? if I have to live my life in a medieval setting, I should assume they're going to have a mindset that matches,” He laments. “...with a few anachronisms, that is.” Fantasy was a genre hard to write for the modern man, there's always something out of place.

He frowns. “This life is good,” But he can't help but feel like there's a big hole in it somewhere. His new body has a face that isn't his. He's too broad, he's too tall, His features are wrong and he longs for the man he was back. 

His face is a black hole, sucking the real Suho Kim in and spitting him out somewhere he will never be found. It's lamentable.

“... Doesn't matter.” He says turning away from the mirror, trying to ignore the strange new dysmorphic thoughts trying to form in the back of his mind. 

“I need to get a new hobby or something.” He says to himself. “Get my mind off of things.”

The Oleastro theatre. Constructed in the years before King Alicia Termina Magentano when the king before her reigned. A peace offer from a faraway country built by a talented group of designers. He couldn't help it, as a civil engineering student was a bit excited to see it. He didn't get the chance to see much European style construction or its products up close very often. Korea had its fair share of western-style skyscrapers and apartments, but grand creations like this were nothing but fantasy for the poor Kim Suho who took only 2 days off of work in a month. There was no vacationing to go see this stuff.

“Julian!” Diego calls cheerfully from his spot in front of the dorms. “You made it!” He smiles and waves, waiting for him to make his way over. He holds an umbrella over his head and when Julian approaches he holds it over enough to fit the both of them.

“Yes, of course, sorry if Im late,” He offers. “Shall we get going then?” His voice is low as if he's afraid of being embarrassed by this man at any moment. He can't let himself be humiliated by taking Diego seriously so he tries to play it safe and not engage very genuinely, so much so that he ends up sounding closed off and dejected.

“Of course!” Even knowing that Diego smiles warmly and leads the way off. "Let's hit the bricks." He chuckles.

They walk in silence. Julian looks around the dark rainy night to see if they're being followed in any capacity. Diego keeps his eyes forward and toward his goal in the distance; having a good time.

“...So,” Diego says noticing the awkwardness of the situation, however. “How's life?” Just small talk.

“Fine,” Julian answers softly. “I have no complaints.”

“Nice.” 

“Indeed.”

More silence.

“...Im sorry,” Diego says sadly. “It must be pretty awkward, huh?”

Julian shakes his head. “No, it's fine. I just don't think… I've never done something like this with someone who isn't family.”

“Go on a date?”

Julian sighs deeply, regretting letting the conversation flow. “Why would I be in that kind of situation? What, is it because I'm from the countryside? Are you making a low-blow joke about-”

“No, I mean like you never been on one? You seem nice enough so I can't imagine why,”

Julian sighs even harder somehow. “I would go on some but there's this guy I know spreading nasty info and rumors about me so no one wants to date me.” 

“Eh, for real? Who!?”

Julian looks at him like he's stupid. “You Diego. It's you.”

"Oh!" What a blunder. "Yeah. Right. Im sorry about that too," 

Julian shakes his head. "It's fine but that does bring up a question." He starts.

"Yes?"

Julian frowns. "You've changed very suddenly. How do your friends feel about this?"

Diego shrugs. "Well…" he thinks about the last three weeks. "Truth be told, I was never all that close to them. I don't think I can really call any of them friends." He admits. 

"Seriously?" 

Diego nods. "I waited to see if they would approach me but if it wasn't me going to them I just wouldn't see them." He frowns. "Not that I want to spend my time with rude people like that."

Julian nods but doesn't say much else for the rest of their walk. 

The theatre comes into view and Diego can't help but smile. It's beautiful.

"We're here, let's go get our seats!" Diego exclaims.

"Of course!"

Julian lets himself be pulled along, starting to loosen up a bit.

"Fuck!" Lloyd pants. his bare skin drips with sweat, the points where gold meets his skin burning extra hot.

He was shirtless and wearing only the torn remains of his pants. They were more like shorts after he had finished cutting them in his frustration with the heat.

The only thing like a shirt he wore was the gold chains all wrapped around his torso and arms, pinned together to make something like a golden halter top. He still had his boots but left them tucked away in a corner while he walked his new kitchen tent barefoot.

He carried a pot far too big, more like a cauldron, over to the grill over a fire in the middle of the room. 

"God fucking damn!" He complains as he sets it down, newly built muscles flexing under gold bands around them. "Fucking hell!" He walks over to the other end of the large tent and grabs a large container of freshly churned butter. "This shits heavy as fuck!" He says lifting it with more ease than would be expected of a guy complaining this much.

He carries it over and dumps it into the pot, letting it melt and sizzle as he heads off to go grab the fuck ton of meat ready to be cooked.

"Catman!" Arosh yells as he lets himself in. "Need help! Animals acting up again!" 

Lloyd groans. "What?! C'mon, I told you guys already! If they're acting up it's because they need like-" he rolls his hand a bit trying to find the words. "Just feed them! You'd be angry if you were hungry too!" He points for Arosh to leave. 

He had been here for three weeks now. 

He walks to and from, tossing meat into the pot to feed the tribe their daily lunch. It had become his job after his honey and wine meat stunt.

"If I cook for you guys, can I keep that candelabra?" He had asked and was answered with a resounding yes.  

They set him up in his own tent and then asked him what he would need to cook delicious food on a large scale. That's how he ended up with the kitchen tent right next door.

"Lloyd, your cooking is good but you can't just order us around, oink." Arosh had said a few days after he was set up.

"Why not?" 

And he explained that orcs only took orders from warriors.

"So I just gotta kill something?" His mind raced with what he would do, but thinking back to darts and his immaculate aim he knew what had to be done.

A finely made bow and arrows in the storage, a week of practice shooting at slabs of hanging meat, another few days working up the courage, and then the events of a few days ago…

Arosh comes back to the kitchen with a small boar. It flails and snorts in frustration.

"He won't be nice, oink." 

Lloyd snickers. "Put 'em in the pan then!" He says with a smile. 

"Honestly, I'm surprised you guys hunted every day instead of just raising some. Thats what humans do." 

Arosh gets a better handle on the boar and smiles a bit. "It's not beneficial to building muscle but…"

There were orcs in the tribe who couldn't. Not everyone born can fight. Old age, illness, disposition, phobia, all sorts of things could sequester an orc from the battlefield and to abandon them would be a disgrace to the bond they all shared. Even they could help the tribe by using hands not meant for battle to nurture.

He watches lloyd work. He had a hand for fighting and nurturing it seemed, especially after their stint out in the desert a few days ago.

Chapter Text

A few days ago…

Lloyd walks by Arosh’s side through the sand-covered wilderness under the blazing sun. He grips his bow tight, an arrow ready to be shot at anything that came his way. Sweat beads down his forehead but he pays it no mind. He had his mind on more important things like listening out.

"If I could do the heat thing I did with Javier and be on the lookout for the heat of something to kill that would be helpful, but it’s so hot out here I can only feel that." He laments internally.

Arosh watches him carefully, here just in case something happened and Lloyd died. He would need someone to bring him back to the tribe; someone to find out where he came from originally too.

They walk for what feels like forever, it seemed that nothing was showing face today, like destiny didn't want to make a warrior of Lloyd at all.

"Fucking hell," Lloyd grumbled.

Arosh gives him a sad look. It must be disheartening, he thinks. He knows from their conversations earlier he had really been hyping himself up for this, to have to wait so long was probably taking all the steam he had saved up just for the occasion.

"It's like they all left or something…" Lloyd says suspiciously. Why the hell would that be?

That observation was short-lived. 

A scorpion, Its the size of a building towering over the both of them. It emerges from the sand and catches even Arosh off guard with its swiftness. Usually, these beasts would wait until sunset to come out for their hunt, he hadn't considered they would be seeing any at all.

Both of them yell, startled, and it lashes its stinger. Arosh tries to secure the stinger but fails to do so in time, taking a stab to the gut.

"Arosh!" 

Lloyd tries to approach him but Arosh grunts loudly. "Get far, it's too dangerous!" He crushes its stinger in his hands now that he had hold of it, he twists it off in one quick motion and the beast scurries away from him in agony. Holding the stinger he tosses it aside onto the ground.

"Will catch up, oink, run for now!" But Lloyd can't not notice how immediately woozy he looks from the poison of its stinger.

He runs, sure, but he's not returning to the tribe. No, he looks for a tall rock among the dunes and climbs to the best of his ability for a good shot.

“Calm down, just relax,” He tells himself. “You gotta do this, if you don't…” 

He was a lot of things. He was bitter, unruly, not very well-spoken, a drunk, a bully, and many things, but he wasn't a killer. He had never taken the life of anything or anyone before, but it was his plan after all so he knew he had to shape up fast. Preferably in the next few seconds.

“No cold feet!” He shouts and pulls his bow back, fire racing through his veins.

Arosh back with the scorpion panics a little on the inside. The tribe never fights these things alone, even together the giant elusive scorpions were a formidable foe. Their poisonous stinger had taken a great many orc warriors in their prime, and it looked like he was next on that long list of orcs to go.

He also knows the more he moves the faster the poison spreads. He couldn't defend himself if he wanted to get out alive, but he also couldn't just stand still either.

"Im sorry father…" He thinks. He knows he probably isn't going to make it. All he's got left is to fight in his last glorious battle, lamenting that he hadn't slain a single ant in his short life. If he could have just made it to then, it would have been nice.

Woosh-

Right past his head a burning arrow flies and stabs right through the beast's eye. It makes a sound like squealing and starts to thrash.

Woosh-

Another in the second eye. It's burning, the smell would have been enticing before Lloyd started his kitchen duty, but now he could only smell burnt meat that didn't have enough garlic.

Woosh, woosh, woosh-

The arrows keep coming, doused in flame and piercing its head until in a moment it stops moving.

Arosh watches it burn for a bit before desert winds extinguish it.

On the rock, Lloyd watches the beast stop moving with his mouth covered in burns, fire still flickering around his mouth. When he knows it's dead, thats when he springs into action.

"Arosh!" Lloyd cries as he slides down the rock to run and meet him, his eyes wet with tears. Even if it hurt to talk he screams. It's like the burns aren't even there, he could care less about himself.

Arosh grimaces and falls to his knees, his vision swimming from the effects of the poison. "Lloyd, oink," Lloyd had defeated the beast. He couldn't be happier for him. 

"Arosh, lie down, lemme see!" He was sobbing as he threw his bow and arrows to the ground. He couldn't help it, it felt like this was all his fault. If he had just shot as soon as the thing popped up Arosh wouldn't have been stabbed like he was. 

Arosh moans in pain but does what he's told. "Lloyd, you did it, oink." He wheezes. He felt sick but it was fine, Lloyd would be a warrior who would help his people and give them plenty of good food. That was good enough for him.

"That doesn't matter, stupid!" He reaches down to wipe away the blood on his stomach and get a better look at the wound. It's not particularly bad all things considered. healer hand, or Umak as he was actually called, could patch this up in no time if it wasn't for the venom. That complicated things greatly. “Oh god, Arosh-”

He looks around frantically, wondering what he could do. He didn't know the first thing about dealing with something like this. Being so far away from the tribe, there was no way he could carry him all the way back to get someone smarter.

“Go back,” Arosh insists. “Too far, no one will check on us for a long time, oink,” 

“You’ll die if I do that jackass!” He had grown cold from absorbing all the heat in his own body again and making it fire, but being in such a warm area he wasn't suffering the same unusual case of hypothermia he had back in the barony. 

“If your body gets too cold, you die. If I keep pulling all the heat outta my body to use as fire Im gonna die.” He thinks. “Even though it's warm out here and heating me up fast, it's not fast enough for me to get together a ton and blast away with it or something cool like that glimpse into the future.” 

But that makes him wonder how exactly he did that then. What did he do? How was he conjuring flames so expertly?

“Even more than that, I didn't choose to spit that fire on the arrows. It just came out!” He agonizes “I don't know how to do that on command yet. What the hell am I gonna do?”

“If I was careful, I would be fine. Don't worry, my mistake.” Arosh tells him and spits out drool thats starting to overflow. “Oink,” He follows up. “I’ll be fine, oink,” He was trembling a little now, it didn't seem voluntary either.

“If mages can do fire magic, why can't I? What am I missing? How do they do it? the same as me? If thats the case how do they make so much of it!?” He thinks.

“God dammit Arosh, today was supposed to be normal! You're not supposed to be dying on me!” He wipes his eyes and looks around for something, anything that could help him.

“You can feel it when you're close to someone. Mana.”

Javier's words come to mind. He looks down at Arosh, wondering if he could do something with the mana in him.

He rests a hand on his chest over his heart. If he had heat in his heart, he could use that too maybe.

“Is that how mages do it though?” He had no idea.

He also realizes he doesn't know how to get the mana out of him and use it. 

“Ok,” He says shakily. “Ok just think,” He keeps his hand over Arosh’s heart. “Fire, need fire,”

He closes his eyes. Think.

“Whenever fire comes out it's because I feel a lot of emotion.” He observes. “Like when I was excited about killing Neumann with the truth spell and when I was upset about arosh being stabbed.”

He can feel the heat of Arosh’s heart, he just needed to take it.

“But how did I do it, where’d the ability come from, where am I casting this spell from?”

He thinks at first it's his hands, thats what mages hold up when they do magic, but that made no sense. 

“Those swordmasters are always going on about Manahearts so maybe it comes from my heart, if I could… Suck his heat into my heart…”

He's more focused now than he ever has been on anything before. 

“Heart... heart... heart…” He says slowly, trying to guide the heat like he guided the heat in himself.

“Catman…” Arosh says sadly, eyes struggling to stay open. “Im getting cold, Lloyd, Don't watch this…” He didn't want him to see him dying. They had been friends for a bit and he would have rathered him remember him living. 

“Good, you're getting cold…” He says softly.

“Huh?” Arosh arches a brow. “You…you want me to get cold?” Harsh.

“No, just-” He leans down and rests himself on his chest to get closer, absorbing with only his hand wasn't working. “Hold on-”

He can feel it, he's hotter than ever.

“And now to force it out, out of my-" Suddenly it hurts, its like he's being burned alive from the inside.

"Not my heart-” He winces, but if not there then where?

"Near it..?" He asks worriedly, trying to guide the heat in a coil around his heart that he would launch back out.

He looks up and opens his mouth.  A fire pillar erupts from his lips, about 10 feet high.

“Lloyd..?” Arosh asks as he takes one of his hands. “What are you-”

Llody pays him no mind, another idea comes to mind.

“If mages take hot mana from people to cast spells, then I just have to do what I did to Arosh to…”

He looks down at the sand, heated by being under the sun all day, and looks around at the world and all the warm air he knows is flowing around them, heat was everywhere. All he had to do was take it.

“Focus,”

He closes his eyes tight, thinking about the heat flowing around his heart and in through his skin like he was a sponge.

“Focus!” He screams, his heart starts racing and the air grows cold. The sand under his knees feels chilly.

“Lloyd,” Arosh says weakly. “Im cold…”

Lloyd pays him no mind, he had to concentrate.

He opens his mouth again but this time he feels he's going to be sick. This power, it was far too much.

“HEEEELLLPPPPP!” 

A pillar of fire launches up into the air. It parts clouds on its way up, visible to many viewing it for miles. 

Nothing after that is remembered by either of them, only that they both woke up in Healer Hands tent side by side, suffering from Hypothermia he was certain would kill them if no one had come to check.

Chapter Text

Lloyd and Arosh walk side by side through the orc encampment, both carrying large trays of meat off to where everyone was waiting to eat.

On the way, they pass the newly set up pen where the tribe was keeping animals they had herded on Lloyd's suggestion. It wasn't really taking orders if they wanted to do what he was saying. A few of them make some noise as they watch Lloyd pass.

“Can it, you little bastards!” He spits and they only seem more delighted.

Arosh smiles. “You're a funny man, Catman, oink!”

Lloyd looks at him with a brow arched. “Hah? What's that supposed to mean?”

This just makes arosh smile more.

“You're a bad man, but you're not a bad man, Oink!”

Lloyd turns. “The hell does that mean? Im bad but im bad? What are you tryna say?”

Arosh follows after. “When I first met you, you swore a lot, and clicked your tongue like a bad person, and you always said things in the most mean way you can say them-” He starts. 

“Yeah..?” Lloyd urges him to continue.

“But you made me see that if you worry about the little bad things you don't see the big good things behind them! Oink!” They reach the usual spot where everyone congregated for their meals. A large fire burns in the middle for those who still prefer to cook for themselves and just because it's nice.

“Is that a compliment or you just findin’ excuses to call me a bastard?”

He sets the first tray down on a large table set up nearby. Just a week ago it had been agony trying to carry it, but now it was like carrying a single plate. Working with the orcs who knew best how to build muscle fast, he had become far stronger than he was when he arrived very fast.

“It's a compliment!” He tells him, setting down his own tray. “You made me see I judge too much about small stuff! You're a good guy Catman,” He turns to him and smiles. “And you saved my life,”

Lloyd blushes and looks away, he doesn't know how anyone can be so forthcoming with their positive feelings like this. He would die on the spot. “Yeah well, whatever,”

Arosh scoops him up and hugs him tight much to Lloyd's chagrin.

“Agghh! Come on man! You're killin' me!” He complains and kicks his feet, but he was truthfully very happy. “I gotta get back to the spare meat you big green muscle miser!”

This was something he had started too.

He packs the meat in salt that doesn't get cooked, wraps it up tight, and puts it in a box out of the way to be cooked later. If they didn't need to hunt every day they would have more free time between hunting sessions.

“It won't fix the need to hunt a lot entirely, but combine that with keeping animals domesticated, you oughta get a day or two off every week to just relax.” He tells Akush as he displays the cured meat he had prepared to show him how it could work.

“If you worried bout protein, it's still in there even if it's saved up like this.” He's actually not sure about that, but after seeing the way they were a few days into eating it, it was good enough.

“Lloyd,” 

Akush enters the kitchen tent, a serious look on his face. “We must talk, oink.”

Lloyd stops what he's doing and looks at him. “Huh? Did I do something?” He sweats, not sure what this was all about. Old habits died hard, when someone wanted to talk to him his first thought was that he was going to be scolded if they had a serious look on their face.

“No, oink.” He stands firmly, hands on his waist and chest puffed out. “You have done so many good things for our tribe Lloyd... But in the end, you don't see yourself as a part of us, do you, oink?”

Lloyd wipes his hands on his pants to get rid of all the salt. “Well I mean, I care bout all of you and all but I’m gonna have to get going eventually.” He tells him. "My family is waitin' for me to come back so..."

Akush nods. “You wear our things and you look at all our exercise gear like you are miserable,” He starts. “You have not only proven yourself a worthy warrior, but you saved my son as well, and we orcs do not forget the kindness given to us, oink,” He flexes. “If you want something, it is yours to take, if it means our workout gear then so be it! Oink!”

Lloyd looks baffled. “Akush I-”

“Even more, so long as you point out those by your side, they will be our allies too, oink! An enemy of you is an enemy of us, oink!”

“Akush, I-”

“-And I know my son has not yet finished his coming of age ceremony, but if you want to take his hand in marr-”

“Ey!” Lloyd yells. “I get it, I get it! I ain't marryin' nobody though so don't even say it!”

Akush thinks its funnier if he doesn't explain that the last offer was a joke. His red face was amusing enough to last him a lifetime. It would have only been funnier if he had Arosh here to tease too.

Lloyd looks down at all the gold, no, his gold now. “Let's just call it good at the stuff, yeah?” He says sadly. “Cuz if I don't get this, mom and dad are gonna die real soon…”

Akush nods and walks over to rest a hand on his shoulder. "You will have our help if you need it, oink." He holds a hand over his heart. "Theres no pain more than parents having to die, so If I can help you..."

Lloyd nods. "I'll be right back here if I need you, oink."

Akush throws back his head and laughs. "Thats the spirit!"

The last 3 weeks were a nightmare in the Frontera barony. No one was happy, not a single citizen, not a single knight, not the baron or baroness. 

Javier lies in bed trying to sleep but it never comes. He had tried getting undressed and drinking tea but even that was doing nothing. His tired brain projects spiderwebs on the walls that he knows aren't there.

"One problem at a time…" He tells himself. If he couldn't fix the debt, couldn't find Lloyd, couldn't do anything, he could at least try and fix this sleeping issue of his.

"Is this my punishment?" He asks. "Just another punishment for failure after failure?" 

It hurts so bad. Arcos and Marbella are inconsolable about Lloyd's disappearance, most days they had spent worrying about debt were now dedicated to searching for their missing son. Arcos had donned his armor and set off with a group of men and when Javier offered to join him…

"It's better you stay here." He had said.

Obviously, he was a useless knight who lost his son, why the hell would he need his help now?

He closes his eyes. "Just one night is all I ask." Even an hour would be fine if it meant he could sleep.

It's early morning, he can hear people outside walking around. It's Distracting.

“Please be quiet, this is hard enough,” He complains as he rolls on his side.

He opens his eyes and at that moment he hears an uproar, probably caused by the pillar of fire he sees out his window.

“...What the hell?”

He watches before hopping up. Lord Arcos was out looking for lloyd!

“Oh god!”

And in a moment he's dressed and out of the door.

Chapter Text

How could I have known you’d die if I did not return?

If you’d only told me I’d have never gone away!

Julian and Diego sit side by side in the darkened theatre, Julian sits with his legs crossed and fingers linked together on his lap. He's hard to read. Diego looks him over to try and gauge his mood but he can't really figure much out.

What happens next, Father?

Beauty has to tell the Beast she loves him!

Diego also sits with his legs crossed but leans his elbow on the seat next to him. He can't help but smile, the show is a lot better than he anticipated it would be. 

I love you

I love yoooouuuu!

Still, his expression sours. He hadn't expected the play was going to be a love story from the title. This was awkward.

“My lie was that I had a thing for him, sure, but this is a bit much, isn't it?” Diego bemoans internally. “It’s way too romantic!” 

He turns to look and see how Julian was reacting after a while. They were about 30 minutes into the show so it only made sense to check in.

“Oh,” he's baffled. 

Julian's expression is surprisingly relaxed. He watches the show with a peaceful adoration he was not even aware the man had left in him after all the bullying. He smiles in a way where the joy reaches his eyes, watching the actors dance across the stage longingly.

Diego looks away with an embarrassed grin, blushing a bit. At least he was having a good time.

[Huh? What? Hey, buddy are you actually falling for this guy? What's with all the blushing and smiling?]

“Wh- No!” He wants to swat the box away, but being packed close to so many people he just has to deal. “I feel nice to have done something good for someone! You're making it weird!”

[Hey im not the one who told you to go romancing him, that was your idea, im just wondering now if you actually meant it!]

“Of course not!” he grumbles under his breath. He swats just a bit as if he were being pestered by a fly. “Listen, I know you think granting a wish means giving me a shitty life, but some people enjoy being nice without any other motives!”

He says that, but there aren't really a lot of people he can say that about himself. Even his friends back in Korea only treated him well to gloat…

“Oh no,” He turns to look at Julian again. Was he thinking that right now? Did he think Diego only brought him out here to flex his affluence?

Never did I dream that you might save me from despair

You have given me the gift of life, a love to share

I love you

I love yooouuuu!

Julian has his mouth covered with a hand, tears in his eyes as he watches the show. He doesn't seem sad though, just seems to be enjoying himself. The lyrics were getting to him, their tenderness melted his heart.

[Even if you mean nothing by it, he seems like quite the romantic. I hope he's not taking you seriously.]

Diego grinds his teeth. “Shut up won't you? Im trying to watch the show, get out!”

Your kiss of life has opened my eyes

The place where my heart breaks, you have mended

Your gift of love has given me life

My sorrow and heartache, you have melted

The actor and actress share a tender kiss, the woman is meant to be blind so she never looks right at her partner but her expression is dripping with affection regardless. She's an amazing actress Diego thinks. 

“This play is kind of terrible,” Julian whispers to Diego who was lost in thought.

“Huh?” He whispers back.

“The plot,” Julian tells him. “It's very bad, you’ve been watching, right?”

Diego nods. 

“We can talk more after the show,” Julian says turning back to pay attention.

Diego just sits there wondering what the fuck he was missing trying to deal with this mysterious blue box.

Lloyd looks over everything the tribe had amassed, trying to figure out what he was gonna do to get it all home.

“Hmm…” He stands with his hands on his hips, trying to gauge the value of everything, but he didn't really have an eye for that.

“All good Catman, oink?” Arosh asks coming up behind him and resting a hand on his head.

“I dunno…” He starts. It doesn't bother him that Arosh has his hand on him at all.  “It's just so much… I don't even know where to begin.”

Arosh nods. “Can’t leave some? Oink?”

Lloyd shakes his head. “No. I need all of this if my family is ever gonna make it.”

“Why, oink?”

Lloyd sighs. “Well, Mother and father are in debt cause these bastards ripped 'em off.” He admits. “What im thinkin' happened was we owed a lil money to someone and they started chargin’ interest, so to catch up they must have gone to a foreclose relief person or something but…” Yeah, even he was starting to lose track. None of this made sense.

“Hmm… so the…debt people..? They…” Arosh starts but immensely looks angry. “They're killing your family!?”

“Huh!?” Lloyd jumps. “What, no they-”

Arosh grits his teeth and slams his fist into his palm. “If they take so much money you don't have anything, they're killing you! They should just leave, oink!” 

“Well yeah, if I could kick their asses to the curb I would but-”

“And if they want to kill you, you should kill them!” Arosh finishes. 

“WOAH!” Loyd yells. “Hey now, we can’t just-”

He was about to say they couldn't solve all their problems with murder, but why not?

“Hm, wait, no you're onto something there,” He says reaching back and slapping a hand on his chest. “If we kill the debt collectors we can get rid of the debt. Nothing to pay if they're dead.” 

A familiar voice starts behind lloyd and arosh, and Lloyd's blood runs cold when he hears it.

“Thats not how this works at all, Master Lloyd.”

Lloyd turns around to face him.

“...Javier…”

Javier's expression is solid until he gets a better look at lloyd. “Oh!” He reaches up and covers his eyes immediately. 

“Hm?” Aroosh says looking down at himself. Was the human covering his face because he was mostly naked?

“Master Lloyd…Your clothes…”

Lloyd scoffs. “There's nothing to see! You don't gotta cover your eyes like that!” But he reaches up and crosses his arms over his chest. “The fuck are you doing here!”

They all sit in Lloyds tent on the floor in a circle, lloyd with his shirt back on since Javier was kicking up such a fuss.

“So, you found me,” Lloyd grumbles. “Now what?”

Javier looks around curiously, not sure what to make of the situation. “...Thats what I should be asking you.” He starts. “You were going to work with me to get information on Neumann but then left immediately. Why did you do that?”

Lloyd huffs. “You're useless. If you can't even sneak up on him because of that stupid mana shit, what good are you?” 

Javier's expression doesn't change, but god did it sting to hear the words he had been using on himself come from someone else's mouth. “Your parents are worried about you, they’ve stopped everything to look for you.”

Arosh looks between the two of them able to clearly sense the tension. Still, attacking Javier doesn't feel like the right move here. He crosses his arms and watches them talk, not sure when to jump in or if he should at all.

“Good for them, didn't as em to though,” Lloyd says looking away. 

“They care about you.”

Lloyd gives a disgruntled huff. “They have to, they wouldn’t if they didn't have to.”

Javier is quiet, and Lloyd is too.

“...But… If you're not happy with your parents, why are you getting this stuff to help them, oink?” Arosh finally asks.

Lloyd shrugs. “It’s what you're supposed to do.” He admits. “I don't think they like me, but I don't want them to die because of it.”

Arosh nods, not quite getting it but not knowing what to say either.

“Im going to go find Arcos then,” Javier says standing up. “He went out to go looking for you, so I’ll tell him what's happened.” he dusts himself off and heads for the exit. 

“When you get back home, send a few people with wagons on here to transport all my shit, thats an order,” Lloyd says plainly. 

“...Of course.” Javier leaves.

There's a long awkward silence when he's gone, Lloyd and arosh say nothing for a long time.

“......What happened with you two, oink?” Arosh finally asks.

Lloyd just sighs.

Chapter Text

He lies on Arosh, ear on his chest to hear his heart with his arms hanging over either side of his broad body. It was nice to hear him alive, still haunted by that day off in the dunes. Sometimes he had to touch him just to be sure he wasn't dreaming.

“God, im so fucking miserable,” Lloyd complains.

“But you got a way to get the stuff back home, didn't you, oink?”

“I hate him so fucking much,” He grips his fist tight. “I was doing so good, I-” He's trembling with rage, his jewelry clattering alongside his rising emotion.

“Catman,” Arosh reaches up and wraps his arms around him and pulls him in closer so they're snugged cheek to cheek. Even though he doesn't say anything, Lloyd knows he's telling him to calm down.

“You really don't know how good you got it until it's ripped outta your hands.” He says lifting his hand to look at it. “Fucking shit,” He wanted to cry but the tears just wouldn't come. 

“You still have good things, oink,” Arosh insists. “You just feel bad because you don't like him, oink.”

He nods. That was true. Seeing Javier was like having every bad memory pulled forward from the dark side of his mind with a magnet. His face had been a source of misery since the day his father had found him, the miserable little orphan who lived to one-up him in any way he could if it meant he could see Arcos smile. It didn't matter if Lloyd disliked him, just as long as he could be happy. Lloyd could see him as nothing more than a selfish asshole vying for attention back then. Even now as a more sensible adult, he couldn't stand him, the spitting image of what Arcos wanted him to be he was sure.

“...We’re awfully close like this, huh?” Lloyd asks trying to get his mind off of that.

They hadn't been like this for the entirety of their conversation. When Javier left Lloyd had quickly run into Arosh’s arms to hug him. Not really used to having the luxury of someone who was willing to hold him like this, he wanted to as soon as he could.

As he stood complaining Arosh went from standing to sitting, and from sitting to lying down, dragging Lloyd along with him.

“No good, oink?”

Lloyd shrugs. “I don't care. Though I think your father would offer marriage again if he saw us,”

“HUH!? He what!?” Arosh asks loudly, sitting up on his elbows. “When!?”

Lloyd snorts. “Im pretty sure he was joking, don't get your loincloth in a twist big guy,” It was his turn to snug him back. “Even if it wasn't, I’ve only known ya like three weeks. It would be a little irresponsible, wouldn't it?”

Arosh, flustered red beyond recognition, nods. “Even still…Oink…” How embarrassing. 

Lloyd gives a big toothy grin. “Don't worry bout it too much!” He taps his chest with his hands and sits up. “Sides, im gonna be goin' back to the barony sooner or later, and im absolutely not your type so-”

“Don't say that,”

Lloyd looks confused. “Hm?”

“Thats not true,”

Lloyd looks even more confused.

“If you ask me and take him serious, I will say yes, oink.” 

Lloyd can hardly think of what to say. What do you say when a new friend says they would marry you in a heartbeat? “I uh-”

Arosh sits up and gives a smile. “But thats not happening, oink! It's only been three weeks! I still haven't even slain an ant yet, so I couldn't even if I said yes, oink!”

Lloyd looks down and fire flickers out either side of his mouth. He seriously had no idea what to do here. This sounds fake. There's not a soul in the world capable of feeling this way about him. If there is, he has no idea what to say to them, what to do with them, or how to treat them.

“Lloyd,” Arosh starts. “Youre thinking hard, less words are more thoughts, oink,”

Lloyd looks at him a bit puzzled but nods. “I just-”

Arosh holds up a finger to his lips. “You don't gotta think,” He taps his head. “We have so much to do and things to learn, so we should do that first, oink.” 

“I guess,” He stands up and offers Arosh a hand to pull him up. “But I’ve just…No one's ever said something like that to me,”

Arosh takes his hand but he pulls himself up. Lloyds is stronger but not lift an orc stronger. “They should, oink,” He picks him up in a crushing hug. “You're amazing Catman, oink!”

“Arosh…” He rests his head on his chest and smiles a bit. “Fine, we don't gotta talk about this now, but once we get all our shit together we gotta meet up and discuss.” 

“Exactly!” He sets lloyd down. “Dinner time soon, so let's get to work, oink!”

Lloyd nods and gets down to it. “Let's go!”

The next day Javier returns with Arcos and a few wagons to transport everything lloyd had earned them.

“Lloyd!” Arcos yells when he sees him and goes running for him. Lloyd knows he's coming and absolutely doesn't want what's about to happen.

“Ugh-” He grimaces and steps aside just as his father is about to wrap his arms around him, leaving Arcos to stumble and ultimately fall. “No thanks.” He reaches down and pulls Arcos back up by the back of his collar.

Javier watching tries to reign his anger but he can't, he launches over and tears Arcos from Lloyd's hands with a blazing glare. 

“What is wrong with you?” Javier hisses, setting Arcos straight without taking his eyes off Lloyd.

“Javier, please,” Arcos insists. “Im fine, it was nothing,” But he looks at Lloyd heartbroken by his actions. “Lloyd, you look terrible.”

Lloyd scoffs and crosses his arms, all the old rage and sorrow making its home in his heart again. Seeing them made him sick like he had swallowed a gallon of cod oil. His hand twitches and he thinks of maybe setting them ablaze, but then that glimpse of the future comes to mind. He could only see Javier fighting him if he had hurt the baron.

“Im not wearing any weird robes, but it still could be setting me down the wrong path.” he thinks.

"I look fine," he spits. "Let's just get this shit out of here." He walks off back into the camp. "Start moving everything I marked!" He orders and the orcs do so without question. 

Before leaving Lloyd bids Arosh a short yet heartfelt farewell and changes into clothes more befitting a baron's son. He gave up most of his gold to be sold, but decided to keep one ring and a wallet chain as a memento. He had started to love gold more than he would like to admit.

The ride back is quiet. Lloyd sits on the horse behind his father in deep thought, he hadn't even made it to Magentano to learn the spell. 

What a disaster.

He closes his eyes, trying not to think about it. 

They travel for a long while before making it back to the barony, the light of the city coming into view. He could vomit at the sight of it. Just thinking about going home makes him want to drink until he passes out. 

They make it back. Everything goes back to how it was. Javier takes his place at Lloyd's side to walk him back to his room. Arcos looks like he wants to say something but he leaves instead.

He doesn't tell him about the letter Julian had sent to him after receiving his letter to come home. He was refusing thinking that it was Lloyd playing a cruel joke and requested another letter of confirmation. He was just going to pretend to lose this letter and let him keep enjoying himself. 

"Well, what will you do now master Lloyd?" Javier asks only to go wide-eyed when Lloyd bursts into tears. 

"Just go away Javier," He makes the walk towards his room. "Im going to my room, have someone send me some drinks," He sniffles and wipes his eyes. He can't stand the sight of anything. The walls are barren, the people are miserable, and he misses his home out with the sand and steel tribe more than anything. 

When he gets to his room the foreclosure tags are missing from everything and there's more furniture than ever before. There's a mirror he recognizes from one of the many parlors in the estate, a desk that he knows used to be in the library, a new wardrobe from his parent's room, and a bookshelf from Julians. It was all stuff that wouldn't be taken, likely to try and set his mind at ease. All it really did was make him feel guilty.

"We have to give all these nice things to our fuck up of a son to keep him from throwing a fit and running away," He mocks in a whisper to himself.

All the covers from the night he spat fire were still on the bed as he left them.

He sniffles and makes his bed, lying down to wait for his order.

"I want to go home," He whines. "Arosh, Akush, I miss you so much," 

He cries alone for a while, forgetting to stay quiet in case someone walked by. He can't be bothered to care if anyone hears him honestly. Let them hear, this place hell and he wanted nothing more than to be out.

"...Master Lloyd…" 

Javier stands outside by the side of the maid carrying 3 bottles of wine. He carries 2 more just to lighten her load even if it feels terrible to be bringing him things like this.

"What!?" He basically roars. 

"Your order." 

Lloyd sighs and sits up. "Leave it at the fucking door and go!" 

Javier grimaces. His time out with the orcs made him louder and made his tone far harsher. He was a whole new level of unbearable.

"Very well," he sets the bottles down and the maid by his side does as well.

"I'm sorry about him-" Javier starts but is cut off by lloyd throwing something heavy at the door.

"Hm," Instead of continuing what he's saying he leaves.

"I would have hoped he would change for the better," he thinks.

Chapter Text

A week goes by. No one sees much of Lloyd Frontera, least of all his worried family. He's become something of a ghost who lurks in only the quietest hours of the night to resupply himself with beer so he can sit alone to wallow in misery. 

The staff feign concern at first, everyone wishing for his speedy recovery but it's not long-lived. Soon the people show their true colors, just pleased they won't have to face abuse if he's never around. It's almost like it was when he was missing and everyone could rest easy knowing they wouldn't have to see his face or feel his fist.

“It's karma for all the wrongdoing he's done.” Some say.

“I don't really feel bad for him at all.” Some others say, fed up with his moping.

Javier isn't deaf, they feel the way he does. He can't help it, even if he did feel bad for Lloyd in some regards if what he said about Neumann was true, he felt worst for the people he lashed out at for years. Their feelings meant far more to him. 

Still...

Life was starting to feel dull. Sleepless nights were making him feel like a fog was hovering close behind him. He had taken many approaches to his restlessness but one, one that sickened him to his core. Still, he was starting to find that he was hardly even collapsing from exhaustion nowadays. Desperation had bred a demon in his soul.

In the kitchen one night he meets Lloyd, both of them approaching the same bottle of wine. 

Lloyd gives him a haggard look of confusion, reaching faster for the bottle and snatching it from the table.

“Were you gonna bring that or..?” He slurs, popping out the cork and chugging it down.

“...No. It wasn't on the wine rack so I was moving it,” Javier lies and quickly leaves. He couldn't hang around in case lloyd realized he was being dishonest.

Lloyd watches him, blinking languidly, lips still plugged around the mouth of the bottle. If there was something to glean from the conversation he certainly wasn't getting it. When Javier is good and gone he shrugs and sets the bottle down.

“Hm,” He feels terrible. He had been drinking in his room all day, throwing up, passing out, waking up, and drinking more. Anything to keep his mind empty, he couldn't think about the orcs without sobbing so it was better to just not think at all.

He saunters off into the night, wandering over to the wing of their home where Neumann slept. He rationalizes it as being an old habit, Yearning for some old familiar routine to follow.

“Neumann!” He bangs hard on the door howling his name with an intoxicated drawl. “Lemme in, Neeeuumannn!” 

It takes a long moment of banging before the door opens, Neumann half asleep at the door looks down at him in confusion. It was odd, he had never seen him in the middle of the night like this. His mustache wasn't even curled yet.  What an unusual sight. Unfortunately, it's a good look on him, Lloyd thinks. 

“Lloyd, what are you doing here, it's the middle of the night,” He asks groggily. This was beyond annoying, the smell of beer wafting off of Lloyd was almost sickening since he wasn't much of a drinker himself. Even more annoyingly, Lloyd leans in and wraps his arms around him much to the knight's confusion. 

“Lloyd.” He says firmly. “An answer would be nice.” 

Lloyd rests his head on his shoulder. “I miss you," He whines. "Can I come in?” 

“That would hardly be appropriate. I’ve never let you into my room before.” How tiresome. He knows he's drunk but even if he is, he's never done something like this. Just what exactly was going on in that head of his? Part of him is curious, but the rest of him just wants to go back to sleep.

Lloyd doubles down, holding him tighter. “Im in love with you y'know? I'm sorry about being so horrible,” He insists. “I promise I’ll never betray you again I just-” He zones out from how exhausted and drunk he is, losing his train of thought for a moment. He can feel the heat of Neumann's heart under his cheek and it's like nothing else. No, it is like something else. He can't help but think about how much he misses Arosh and being able to hold on to him like this.

 “I just don't wanna keep being by myself, Neumann, you're all I have here,” if he was going to survive in this place after having the comfort of a shoulder to lean on like he had back with the tribe, he knew Neumann was the closest to a friend he had. If he didn't get him now he would be left with nothing, just like what he left here with.

Neumann looks down at him, a wicked and personally delightful plan coming to mind. 

“Lloyd you poor thing,” He takes him by the jaw and pulls him so they're eye to eye. “You must be so miserable. You are, aren't you?”

Lloyd nods, his face bright red from the sudden closeness. There's a look of excitement on his expression that's impossible to miss. “Neumann…” He clenches the back of his sleeping tunic desperately. “It's too miserable living here, please…”

Neumann's face turns to a heinous grin. “Then die," He tells him, giving his jaw a teasing little shake before he shoves him away.  "You’ll never have my forgiveness.” He chuckles at the way Lloyd's expression falls.

It's humiliating, too humiliating to bear, Lloyd runs off through the halls stopping only halfway across the estate when he crosses paths with the lingering Javier.

“Master Lloyd?” Javier approaches wondering why he was running. Was there danger somewhere? "Is everything alright?" Neumann comes to mind again, he was coming from that direction.

“Please just let me go,” His voice is quiet and defeated. He can't meet his eyes. “Im having a bad night is all,” 

“Master Lloyd…” He had never seen him so disconsolate, It was unnerving in a way he wasn't expecting. “...Whats happened to you?” He knows Lloyd always smelled like alcohol, but even though he drank until he blacked out there was always this feeling that he was indulging rather than turning desperately to a bottle. He looked like a man at the end of his rope who drinking not to think about something.

He didn't want to think it, but he looked harrowed enough to drop dead then and there. Something in his gut told him that if he wanted to see Lloyd live another day that he needed to take action now. He wasn't one to ignore his intuition.

“Nothing,” He doesn't raise his voice much higher than a whisper, leaning on the wall. “I'm just tired,” 

Javier looks him over, his wet eyes, the despair on his face, even if he hates him he can't leave him like this. A thousand ideas come to mind. Perhaps someone else had attacked him seeing his miserable state, perhaps he had an argument that pushed him over the edge, or perhaps he was feeling real and genuine guilt for once in his miserable life, either way, he couldn't let it slide.

“Master lloyd… Are you sure there's nothing I can do?”

"Nothing, really, you don't need to worry about it," Lloyd insists. "I just need to go to bed."

Javier frowns. "Is this about the debt? You were able to help a great deal, you know."

Lloyd shakes his head. "It's not the debt, I'm fine," But he doesn't sound fine.

"...Sir Neumann then?"

Lloyd doesn't say anything in response to that.

"So it is." Javier starts. "Did something happen?"

Lloyd covers his face with a hand in shame but shakes his head. 

"Master Lloyd."

Lloyd shakes his head again. "What does it matter?" He asks quietly. "You're acting like you care or something. Your job is to just..." He trails off again, too tired to continue.

"Well..." Lloyd was right. He was acting like he cared. He cared in the sense that he didn't want anything back to happen to the baron's son but not in the sense that he was worried about Lloyd himself. His feelings are a means to an end, the end being Baron Frontera's satisfaction.

"I just don't-" Lloyd starts but cuts himself off. "No, I do understand you. Your jobs to keep peace and you want my father to be happy," Leaning on the wall, he slides down to the floor, he was too woozy to keep standing. "So if I'm not happy, he's not happy, right?" He nods for Javier instead of waiting for his answer. "I don't know if I'm ever gonna be happy again Javier, but that's really not something you gotta worry yourself with. Sides, if you're lucky I'm probably gonna drink myself to death soon anyways."

Javier winces at the thought.

"So really... I dunno, just go on about your night. I don't care." Lloyd lowers his hand and just sits quietly. He was done with the conversation.

"What a pitiful sight." Javier thinks. "And I know in my heart I shouldn't care but..." He can't help but think about everything he's seen so far. He had been ignoring it, set in his ways when it comes to thoughts about Lloyd. Lloyd had not grown stronger from sitting around doing nothing. He had grown all that muscle from working hard out with the orcs. Whatever he did, the orcs considered it good enough to give away all their valuables for his work.

It was everything that everyone had wanted from him. They wanted him to do something worthwhile and he did it. If no one fanned this flame, it would burn out. 

"Lloyd..." Javier walks over and awkwardly slides down the wall to sit at his side. "Your family would be sad if you did that." He gets no answer as expected. 

"Lloyd, before you vanished you apologized to me because you didn't want me to hurt you, you were not sorry for your actions because you felt justified in them," He begins. "...Can I apologize for the same reason?"

Lloyd looks at him with an arched brow. "How could I hurt you?"

Javier keeps his gaze steady on him. "I care deeply for the Baron and Baroness. If it would make them happy to see you happy, it would make me happy. If they hurt, I hurt, I do not want to be hurt anymore."

Lloyd thinks about arguing. It's different, it's obviously different for sure, he thinks. But further thought tells him no, it's not so different. 

"What are you apologizing for even?" Lloyd finally asks. 

"Being mean. Thats all. I won't be mean anymore. And when you apologized, you said you would do the same, right? You wouldn't be cruel to me?"

Lloyd wraps his arms around his legs and pulls them to his chest. "I guess I sorta did. You asked me to accept that since I'm not your friend you didn't have to do shit or say shit to me you don't wanna, but I can be nice too, I guess," 

"Let's be nice to one another from now on," Javier says softly. He would shoulder the burden of fanning the flame if it meant the Frontera family could smile.

"Kay," Lloyd says closing his eyes and leaning his head on his knee. "So since you're being nice, what do you want me to do?"

"Tell me what I can do to make you feel better,"

Javier sits in a chair nearby Lloyd who was moving around the kitchen and working on something. 

"So. Curing meats when you cover it in salt and shit to get all the moisture outta the meat or whatever." Lloyd starts with a slab of pork on the counter in front of him.

"Mhm," Javier says tiredly.

"Yeah so you can do this to a ton of different meat, right now I got some pork chops here but you can do this with basically anything. See the salts all for sucking out all the wetness and moisture and shit because if its all moist then it goes straight to rotting. If it rots you gotta throw it out, and yeah I know you've had your fair share of cured meat but Im sure you dont know how to do it-"

He felt nice for the first time since coming home. He needed his mind on something else, and if it meant explaining how to cure meat then so be it. Even if Javier only sat quietly and asked no questions it was nice to just ramble and act as though he were teaching someone something. 

Strangely enough, he felt smart for once.

"So yeah back when I was with the tribe I wasn't really curin' big old hunks like this 'cause when you do this, mother says it gotta be like mostly not as heavy as it was when you first started and I was only there for a little bit, so I was cutting meat up and putting it away to like taste test so they knew it was reliable. See now that might not make sense cause why is 3 weeks not enough to cure meat this big and well the answer is-"

He turns around to point dramatically at Javier, only to find him sleeping soundly in the chair. His hands hang limply by his side, his head hangs all the way back.

So.

On that note.

Lloyd curls up on the floor and sleeps there too.

Chapter Text

[So you really don't want to use your abilities maybe? Not the ones Diego already has but maybe something you know?]

The blue box asks him this during study hall, putting itself in front of his notes.

“Don't think so,” Diego answers and lifts the book closer to his face. “Im fine as I am.” He both loved and hated building. He had excelled in college because of his passion for problem-solving and thinking outside the box. He excelled, but he can't imagine there is any man alive who dreams of labor. If anyone was asked if they wanted to work or relax they will either choose to relax, tell you that the world gives them no choice but to work, or lie.

[But you know the Frontera family right? Javier is gonna lose them because of the insurmountable debt you know. Julian too, you know he dies alone in the street, right? Maybe you can do something to help?]

“No thank you,” Diego says flipping a page.

[You really are annoying, you know that? You know how stories like this work, right? You show up in a new world and use your knowledge from the old wo-]

“Well, I guess there is something from the old world I can do,” He says as a realization comes to him suddenly.

[Really?]

He nods. He had a wonderful idea. “Yeah, now that I think of it, im probably the only one who would think to do something like this.”

When school lets out for the day he heads off to the library and finds a book on foraging in the wilderness, knowing there were woods nearby. He skims through it carefully and reads about a few plants he had never heard of. They must be some fantasy variants that grow in this world he thinks. 

[What's your plan, guy?]

“Mushrooms.”

[Huh?]

“They grow basically everywhere on earth but…hm…” He looks through the table of contents for the sections on fungus. “...I wonder if they have things like that here…”

[why the heck are you looking for…Why are you looking for mushrooms?]

“Why not?” He flips through the pages some more. “I need a new hobby, and I used to forage for food back then too,” It was all he could do sometimes if he wanted to eat dinner that wasn't crap. “Besides, back home there were mushrooms that would give you hallucinations and stuff like that. Back then I could have never got my hands on them, but now im curious.”

[Unbelievable.]

“Hmm…” And then he sees it, the familiar shape of the forbidden magic mushroom under an entry that regards it as highly dangerous. Still, he knows well that they would have said the same in Korea too. Thats just a ploy to keep people away. Late night youtube binges had told him otherwise. Used in ritual and medical practice, they were probably the most harmless of controlled substances back on earth.

[you’re seriously going to go hunt those? You could be building something. Aren't you a civil engineer?]

“Yeah, and?” He closes the book and starts toward the checkout counter. “I just don't want to work harder than I have to, im taking time to relax, and honestly,” He smiles a bit just thinking about finding these. “It's kind of exciting to be able to goof around and do whatever I want, so why not try something forbidden? If I get in trouble, my father will just brush it under a rock!”

Hell, if Julian stayed friends with him, perhaps he could help with the debt. He wouldn't go out of his way though, it felt wrong to go poking his nose in where it wasn't actually supposed to be.

“Let's get psychedelic.”

He checks out his book and off he goes, down the hall and back to his room. 

“Diego!”

He looks up and finds himself about to collide with a wall.

“Watch where you're going!” It's a former friend of Diegos, a tall guy called Geshpond. 

“Oh, thanks, I guess?” Diego says looking back to his book.

“Diego!”

Diego looks back at him. “Uh, yes?”

“You suddenly dropped off the face of the earth,” He starts and runs to catch up with him. “Why did you suddenly stop talking to us?”

Diego gives an exaggerated frown. “Huh? Excuse me but you guys stopped talking to me,”

Geshpond looks confused. “We literally all agreed to meet up at the hang-out spot every week on Wednesday and Friday and you just stopped showing up,” 

“-And!” Another voice yells, running to join them. “You’ve been hanging out with that country boy recently, what's that all about?” Twins show up on either side of them.

“Yeah, what's that all about?” The second twin asks. The twin dragons they were called, but their family name had never been specified in the novel.

“Eh? What does it matter?” Diego says rounding a corner. 

“Well, we’re just wondering if something happened. You’re our friend, after all,” Geshpond says sadly. 

“How cruel, you can be this nice to someone you see as worthy, but those under you are nothing.” Diego thinks. “I dont want to be friends with bastards like you,”

“Well…” Think fast.

[All of your friends find your actions suspicious.]

“Shut uppppp!”

“...I had like, a spiritual awakening the other day, and all the stuff we get up to just feels, like, wrong now.”

They all look at him like he's grown a second head.

“Uhhh…” One of the twins starts.

“You what?” His brother continues.

“What!” He heads out the front door of the school with them in tow. “I ate some bad mushrooms but… After eating them, it wasn't actually all that bad! I feel like a changed man! I just don't feel like being cruel anymore!”

Geshpond winces at the use of the word cruel. “We're not-”

Diego closes his book and glares at him. “We ARE cruel! He goes back to his dorm room covered in literal bruises!” He scolds. “If we were equals our heads would be rolling for what we’ve done to him.”

Something about the looks on their faces makes him suddenly ill. What exactly had happened to him all this time? Being here for a few weeks, he was realizing that some things in the world were not exactly like the novel for some reason. It was weird to find out from Julian that his father had asked him to come home by letter, even if it was just his brother pulling a nasty joke. That could have happened in the novel but if it did it wasn't written about. It was one of those unimportant things that happened in the middle of a time skip or something.

It felt like there were things in the world that happened Off Camera so to speak, details about the world that were not as fleshed out or even mentioned in the novel but extended into this world's reality even still.

“...We’ve…Only ever beat him up. Right?” His face goes pale and the others know the look well enough what he means to immediately go on the defensive.

“Yeah yeah! Oh god, man! No ones going that far!” One twin insists. 

“Sheesh, you're scaring me, Diego,” Geshpond says with sweat dripping down his forehead. “None of the guys would ever-”

“Listen!” Diego shouts. “It's worth asking! I mean-” He acts like he's stressed, but knowing that nothing untoward was happening, he was immediately relieved. “After eating those mushrooms I just feel a lot more empathy than ever before. I feel bad for him.” He holds up his book. “Im going out to find more, do you guys wanna get everyone together and try some?”

They agree.

[ok. I know I was on your back and all, but this is actually kinda funny.]

Diego sits on a couch leaning on the first twin, Jet, resting his head on his shoulder. Leaning on his shoulder is Jasper, the second twin, both of them zoned out with their mouths hanging open. 

Geshpond lies on the floor of Diego’s dorm room tracing his finger along the pattern on his carpet with a look of wonder in his eyes. Every now and then he giggles a bit languidly but doesn’t explain what exactly is so funny.

“Diego…” A long red haired man named Alejandro lies his head on Diego's lap, sitting on the floor between his legs with his arm over his other leg as he watches Geshpond feeling the carpet. “This is so amazing…” He drawls. “I just…I really care about you, man…”

Diego nods and reaches down to run his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, this rocks,” He answers. “Your hair is like…moving…” 

“Is it!?” Alejandro reaches up and takes some of his hair in his hand to look at it but finds himself mesmerized by something far more important. “Oh god…Im so fucking pretty…” He cooes. “Man. it was really cool of me to grow it out like this.” He twirls it around his finger, savoring the sensation. “Im so pretty…”

The room is in an uproar, Diego included, all of them yelling their agreement.

The second set of twins, two other redheads, Axel and Lionel open their eyes to join the noise having been shocked out of their sleep.

“Yeah!” Axel shouts, pumping his fist. He doesn't know what they're cheering about but he would love to be included.

“What the fuck?” Lionel asks looking around. “You guys can't scream like that, it's freaking me out,”

And everyone answers with a chorus of heartfelt apologies.

He looks a bit embarrassed, but ultimately he can't help but smile at the wavering faces of all his classmates. He had good friends.

“...Excuse me?”

Diego looks up. Thats Julian’s voice outside the door.

“Come on in buddy!” He shouts and everyone joins in.

“Come innn, Julieeeee!”

Julie boy, come heereeeee,” 

Julian's blood runs cold. Why the fuck were they here? He had already started opening the door though. Jet had already looked him right in the eyes and smiled as he arrived. He couldn't turn back now. This felt like the end of the prank, Diego finally getting him after dropping his guard for weeks, but he was going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“...Hello?” He says opening the door and looking at the pile of men on the couch and floor. It's a bit unexpected, no, a lot unexpected actually.

“Hiiii,” Diego singsongs and the others wave at him excitedly, hardly able to contain their joy.

“Come innn, Julll,” Jasper says sitting up rather languorously. “Listen, My man, we have GOT to talk,” He giggles and nearly falls from the couch to the floor onto Alejandro below.

“Oh oops!” Alejandro reaches up and tries to catch him but can't help but be awestruck by the beauty of his own hands too. “Oh my god…” He reaches down and holds them over his eyes, cackling.

“What… What's going on here?” Julian asks and Diego smiles like he thought he would never ask.

They all sit in a messy circle on the ground out in the courtyard in various states of cozy undress. A pile of shoes and jackets sit to the side of the massive picnic blanket they all piled on with their newest addition, Julian Frontera.

“...Like, I don't know... you guys…You hurt me so much and I just, I thought this was my time, I was finally out here studying like I wanted.” Julian admits listlessly. 

Diego nods. “Like, I think people who hurt others have like…” He zones out and rests his face off the side of the blanket in the grass, indulging himself in the gentle caress of the earth. 

“They hurt others cuz they're hurt on the inside man,” Jet admits. “I hate my family so much,” He's a bit tearful as he confesses. “Mother and Father are so bad for each other, they always took it out on us,”

Jasper nods solemnly, a few tears in his eyes as well. “But I love my dad,” he adds. “Part of me wants to be just like him but, I can't imagine being like him without like…hurting everyone I know, how can he be happy like that?”

Diego nods, giving both of them pats on the back with his bare feet.

“Sometimes,” Julian starts tearfully. “I wonder if thats how my brother feels,” He sniffles. “I mean, I can't stand him but he's just so evil, who hurt him so bad?” He felt transcendent. It was like everything in life was making sense to him. maybe it wasn't Lloyd who was bad, maybe there was something no one was looking at, that's how it was with diego being in love with him after all. A reason for oddities that no one had discovered yet. If he ever saw Lloyd again, he swears internally that he's going to try and understand him next time they meet. 

Alejandro nods. “My dad was so mean to me when I was leaving for school man, I felt so powerless, he's always beating me down and shit after mom died,” He rolls over on his chest. "Hes always saying you look just like her you brat and I just...I don't choose how I look but..." He frowns. "I choose how I act, don't I? I was being mean cause I was just...weak,"

All of them roll around to try and console him in their intoxicated stupor.

“Julian, we're a sorry man,” Axel offers. “The worlds so full of like... Pain... and stuff already…”

Diego nods again. “Were…the most powerful guys here, and were just usin' that to make the world more painful… Why are we doin' this?” He holds his hands heavenward. 

Geshpond nods, an impassioned grimace of solemn agreement on his face. “We…we can do better than this man…”

They all lie in silence for a long time after that, looking up at the clouds that go by.

The sound of birds and trees, of people walking by and living their lives, of heartbeats, of lungs, of everything, it's all so peaceful and chaotic all at once.

“I think…” Lionel muses. “...People are supposed to be…happy.”

Everyone nods in agreement, making a wordless vow to live a better life full of happiness going forward.

They would not be happy when the headmaster showed up, however.

Chapter Text

Lloyd and Javier walk side by side through the barony like usual, Lloyd rubbing his chin deep in thought. He had promised not to go back to the pub so he intended to do that, but now he had no real reason to leave his house. He sighs a long and heavy sigh at the thought. He had gotten used to being out and about because of the Sand and Steel tribe, staying put just wasn't going to cut it. What to do now though? 

The staff had been a bit confused about their sleeping in the kitchen, but after explaining that they had simply dozed off, it was forgiven as a funny little accident. After getting out of that mess Lloyd had asked Javier to take a walk with him and with no reason to disagree, he followed.

“Hey Javier,” Lloyd starts.

“Yes?”

Lloyd doesn't say anything even though he's the one that started the conversation. He just keeps walking and acts like he never said anything in the first place.

“...Master Lloyd?”

“You're gonna say no.” 

Javier assumes he's going to ask about learning to use a sword. He was correct in the assumption he would say no if that was the case.

“I am.”

Lloyd says nothing awhile longer. He looks bitter like he wants to yell at him, but like he agreed he was holding his tongue and not being an asshole. It's actually rather admirable. If he kept up like this Javier might approve of him just a little bit more than he already did.

“...Can we go somewhere alone?”

Javier nods in agreement, no reason not to go. They travel until they're off in the woods again, Lloyd looking incredibly nervous. Javier wants to ask what's wrong but he's sure he's going to get his answer soon enough. He just watches for now and keeps his guard up in case he tries something funny.

“...I learned how to do magic,” Lloyd tells him.

“I’m…Skeptical.”

Lloyd nods. “Fine, I’ll show you,” He closes his eyes to focus. Just do what he had done before. Focus on the heat in the area, suck it in, coil it around his heart, and shoot it out. He thinks about the day in the desert, trying to tap into those powerful feelings again.

The area grows cold and Javier can feel it immediately, his mana was being drained.

“Lloyd!” He shouts and the focus is broken immediately. 

“Wh- WHAT!?” He screams. “Why are you yelling at me!?”

“What…what are you doing?” But he knows exactly what he's doing and it makes his heart drop. Thats his technique. The Asrahan core Technique is not hard to recognize. 

“Im…doing magic, I think?” But Javier's reaction is giving him the idea he might not be. “I just figured it out when I was-” But suddenly he retches like he's in pain, clutching his heart. “Oh fuck-” He reaches up with both hands now, panting and sweating so profusely it's as if he were standing in a desert.

The mana coiled around his heart starts to warm up and heat his insides, with nowhere to go it starts to burn. 

“Master Lloyd!” Javier knows he himself hasn't perfected the technique yet so he can't imagine Lloyd had either. Something was wrong.

“Shit-” He coughs up flames, letting them burn the dirt under him as he falls to his knees. His forehead is pressed into the ground with the flames flickering all around his face. “Fuck, it hurts-” He holds onto his chest and coughs and hacks some more, shutting his eyes tight to keep them from being burned. He hadn't figured out how to protect himself from the flames when they manifested. 

Javier grabs him and starts to absorb the mana himself knowing that it's just going to bounce off again, still, it's better than Lloyd hurting himself like this.

Lloyd sits up and looks at Javier desperately, his eyes wet and his expression confused. His lips tremble like he wants to say something but Javier gives him no chance, lifting him up and running as quickly as he can to the nearest body of water.

“Lloyd! We're going to water, try to hold on,” He speeds off as quickly as he can wondering why things always had to be so difficult with this guy. Watching Lloyd kill himself wasn't on his list of plans for today, especially since they had just made an agreement to try for civility.

When they reach the nearby river, Javier dives in with Lloyd in his arms. He had stopped spitting flames, but if he had heated up his insides somehow he probably needed to cool down.

They sink to the bottom and when they do Javier starts his ascension back to the top.

"He's able to focus on only hot mana and absorb it, if I do that it should cool him and the water…" 

Javier focuses on his way up to the surface, trying to collect the mana but never figuring out how to keep it in like Lloyd did. Maybe there's a reason for this relating to one of them having a manaheart and the other not.

"He absorbs the mana, and it stays in him but…where?"  If Lloyd doesn't have a manaheart for it to bounce off and the mana he collects doesn't immediately start hurting him, What was he doing with it? It was obvious it had to be sitting somewhere within for him to shoot it out like fire, but letting it sit too long allowed the coalesced heat mana hurt him.

"Maybe he shoots it right out as fast as it comes in, it doesn't stay, he just uses it immediately. It just looks like he's holding it in because its coming out."

Without warning, he feels his mana being drained again.

They surface and Lloyd reaches out and grabs either side of Javier's head, a frenzied expression on his face.  "You scared the shit outta me!" He takes fists full of his hair and shakes his head violently, obviously still in a panic.

"Hey!" He grabs Lloyd and pushes him off, shaking the water off of himself. He would forgive that one since it was only right after he almost died. "Would you stop!?" 

And to his credit he does, but as quickly as he was overheating he was now getting cold and dizzy.

"We gotta…go." He slurs and sinks back under the water. Before he can fall too far though, Javier fishes him out.

When Lloyd opens his eyes he's lying on his back in the grass, disgusted by the way it caresses his face. The sky above looks grey like it was going to rain on his already wet body.

"This sucks."

He looks around and sees Javier looking down at him thoughtfully. He inspects him like some sort of specimen on an operating table. "Hm?" He moans in pain and sits up. "Why you lookin' at me like that?" 

Javier frowns. "Because…you did something I have been trying for a long time…" He hates to admit it but it's true.

"Huh? The fuck can I do that you can’t?"

Javier frowns. "You didn't do the magic that most mages do."

"The fuck did I do then?"

Javier looks away, forlorn.  "...Magic doesn't really work like that. Absorbing mana, that's something pretty unusual." He starts. "Spells and rituals, arcane secrets of the universe that mankind has learned to harness. These skills are magic, the ability to manipulate mana is magic." 

"But isn't that what im doing?"

"You absorb heat mana and with it all packed together, I think…I think it becomes fire. Thats not magic, it's just a natural side effect of a bunch of heat mana in one place."

Lloyd crosses his arms. "Shit. Then what the fuck have I even actually learned then?" This was devastating, he had thought he was doing so well. 

"No, don't look so down, like i said, you did something i cant."

Lloyd looks at him to explain, skeptical. Even though Javier isn't the type to try and spare his feelings it feels like he might be trying right now.

"Absorbing mana from the surrounding area… it's something I developed. I've never seen any records of someone doing it this way. Usually, a person will draw on the mana within themselves." He admits. "It was my idea to get more power but…" he clenches his fist. "It bounces off my heart and vanishes, it doesn't make me any stronger."

Lloyd arches his brow. "Well of course it would. It's like you're attacking your heart. Just coil it around your heart if thats your issue."

Javier hates that he's going to try the suggestion and will hate it even more if it actually works.

He absorbs the mana from the surrounding area, hot, cold, air, grass, trees, dirt, everything. Everything here has mana for him to take.

"Coil it," he tells himself, but when he tries it doesn't feel quite right. It sits there in a coiled ring and is slowly pushed away after lingering around where it isn't wanted. His racing manaheart casts it away without a second thought.

"It's not working." 

Lloyd rubs his chin and lies back down on the ground.. "Then…maybe…?" But he can't really tell what's happening inside him. "I dunno?"

Javier frowns. "It sits there but my Manaheart will force it away as if I were trying to join it with the outside mana."

Lloyd thinks. "...maybe… it's because it's just kinda sitting there threateningly?" He makes a fist and clasps his hand over it. "Even if the outside hand isn't doing shit, maybe it's scary to your heart for the reason mine started hurting? I mean, a manaheart is supposed to be more powerful and helpful than a regular one right? Does it want to keep itself safe, maybe? The mana... It can't just sit there its gotta…uh…" He trails off not really knowing how to continue. "Like look what happened to me, All that heat mana started burning my heart it seems. Thats something to defend against, right?"

Even if Lloyd is at a loss of where to go from there, an idea comes to Javier's mind. He absorbs more mana and as a test carefully rotates the mana around his heart. It's a gentle little orbit at first, but when he finds that even that is being pushed away he speeds it up. His beating heart feels stronger the faster it gets. There's still a bit of push, but with the mana traveling so quickly it's impossible to force aside.

More mana, another circle. He absorbs more and more mana, slowly and carefully, until there are about 3 rings of spinning energy around his heart. With no way to face it his beating heart ignores it. It feels… right. 

"Lloyd…"

Lloyd raises a brow. "Yeah. Did it work?"

Even though he knows he should be mad, he can't help but see Lloyd in a new light. He's smarter than he seems. “It did,” He smiles. “You improved the technique. You should try it.”

"Uhhh alright, how?" 

Javier holds up his fist now and spins his finger around it. "Keep it rotating constantly, fast as you can."

Lloyd nods, sucking in the mana and doing just as he's told. "Hm…" but no, he had a dilemma. "With it going so fast like that… how's the fire gonna come out?"

Javier ponders on it for a bit. "...I…suppose you'll have to try and shoot it to see?"

Lloyd nods again. "Alright." And he tilts his head back with his mouth wide open. It's abrupt, launching out the moment his mouth opens. no, the feeling of pain on the inside of his mouth tells him it was coming before he could even open his mouth all the way. A ball of fire shoots up into the sky and fizzles away leaving a path in the burnt branches and leaves.

"Probably not a good idea to play with fire in the woods," he thinks.

Lloyd coughs and bangs his fist on his chest a few times. "Fucking shit!" He complains. "That was hard as fuck!" 

"Are you alright?" Javier says getting up to go check on him, he leans over to look down.

He gives Javier a thumbs-up and clears his throat a few times. "Phew," he licks his lips and sighs. "Well, thats nice. Sucks I can't do magic though."

Javier looks at him sadly. "It takes years of practice for many people to get even a little good."

"Sheesh. How's magic even supposed to work if thats not it though?"

Javier shrugs. “Im not sure myself but…you wanted to go to Magentano to learn magic, didn't you?”

That was true. it was his goal before running off after all.

“Well, yeah,” Lloyd admits. “How about…How about we stop dicking around and do that?”

Javier frowns. “I am not dicking around.” He informs him. “But very well, where you go I will follow.”

Chapter Text

“Dear father and mother,” Lloyd says quietly to himself trying to find the right words for the letter he was scribbling on.

“Mm… No. Thats too formal.” He scratches it out and pulls out another paper.

“Mother, father…” He mumbles.

“Im writing this letter, because…” He stops writing. He was satisfied so far, but now he had to write more. His feelings had to get onto the paper and there was only one way to do it.  He had to write, but that was easier said than done.

“Shit. this is…fucking difficult.” Only because there was so much to say.

He sets the pen down and sighs.

“Ok. We can do this some more tomorrow.”

The plans to head off for Magentano were made. He only had to leave in the morning and make it there. He could just forgo writing a letter altogether, but it felt wrong.

Arcos and Marbella had worried about him when he vanished without a word, he couldn't deny it since his father had gone out of his way to go find him. It's hard to believe, but they loved him even if most of the time it didn't feel like it. Leaving a letter felt like the right thing to do, so they had peace of mind to hear from him before he leaves.

He stares down at the paper he had said he was going to abandon, unable to move away despite how much he wanted to. He could just talk to them before he leaves, but even that doesn't feel good enough. He's never been good with words so he can't imagine he's going to say what he wants them to know. Hell, he can't get it on paper, why would talking be any better?

“Dear parents.” He writes on another piece and tosses it.

“Im going to break all my fingers im really going to do it this time I'm seriously gonna do it-” He says quietly, exasperation in his tone. This felt like torture. 

He sighs and rests his head on the table. “Less words, more thoughts, if thats the case then maybe I oughta sit here in dead silence, my head feels empty as hell.”

And he does just that, glaring at his pen waiting for an idea to come to him.

“Hmm…” 

And an idea does come to him. He picks up his pen and starts writing. It's like his hands won't stop. He had struggled to start but after just forgoing the pre-letter formalities he was feeling more impassioned than ever. 

“Aaaand…Good.” He takes the letter, folds it, puts it in an envelope, and shoves it in his desk so he can hand it off to them tomorrow. 

“Alright. Sleep time I guess?” He announces as he collapses into bed.  “I hope… I hope it's not too upsetting…” He mumbles as he pulls the blankets over himself. “Or maybe it should be, I dunno.”

They set off, Javier, Lloyd, and a few others just to do some business in town on the baron's behalf. They don't say it, but to also keep an eye on Lloyd and provide Javier with a search party in case he needs it.

Lloyd doesn't mind and it's baffling to everyone who knows the man. No, he just plugs the mouth of a bottle to his lips and heads off to the carriage they were taking without a word. 

“Lloyd, are you feeling well?” Arcos asks.

“Huh? Yeah?”

“You're sure of this?” Marbella asks.

Lloyd looks a bit confused. “Uh… You want me to complain or something?”

They don't say yes, but it's clear they were expecting it. 

“No, not at all,” Arcos starts. “If you're happy, I’m happy,”

Marbella nods in agreement and points off to the carriage. “I packed some things for Julian since you were headed to the city, I won’t force you but if you could please get them to him, the winter is coming and I don't want him cold out there, he's so-”

Lloyd snaps his fingers and points at Arcos. He had totally forgotten about Julian. “Ah, that! Motherfucker!” He starts. “Im telling him,”

Arcos groans and covers his face. “Lloyd, there's no reason to do that,” 

“Yes the fuck there is!” He insists. If they wanted him to complain they were getting it. “I think it's only fair, you guys can't just sit around playing pretend. Im telling the truth,”

Marbella doesn't seem as bothered as Arcos, she just frowns at the ground and shakes her head. “I think Lloyd is right, we should tell him,”

Both of them look at her, baffled by that admission.

“Bella,” Arcos can hardly believe it. “Why?”

“Cause mother is smarter than you,” Lloyd says before she can answer.

She gives an uncharacteristically inelegant snort and covers her mouth. “Lloyd!” She slaps his arm a bit and he chuckles.

“You know it's true,” He says elbowing his mother to get her to laugh a little more.

“Lloyd.” His father's use of his name is a bit sterner. Both he and Marbella straighten up at the sound of it. “You have to stop doing this,” He insists. Lloyd had always been rude, but he was so much ruder nowadays, talking down to him… He couldn't lie to himself, he was furious. It had gone from baseless insults from a barely coherent drunk to a genuinely unkind and cutting critique of his actions. 

“You're going to lecture me? You of all people? What gives you the right?” He finds himself thinking, but it's with great guilt. He didn't like to think about how much he disliked Lloyd, but it was hard not to think about it when he was actually right in his face bullying him for his admittedly poor choices. He had never been so chatty before, preferring isolation and making it easier for Arcos to forget he was more than just another damage bill crossing his desk in the long slew of documents to take care of every day. He liked him much better when he couldn't see him, sadly. "And what a terrible thing for a father to think," He laments. "Shameful,"

“Im not taking it back,” Lloyd tells him. “It's only servin’ to hurt us, him included, so it's stupid to not let him-”

“Lloyd,” Arcos insists again with his blood boiling at being called stupid. “Please just go.” he turns away and heads off before the conversation can go any further.

Lloyd stands there by his mother's side, watching him go. He knows he shouldn't say anything but the words are coming out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“I fucking hate you,” He hisses between grit teeth. 

“Lloyd, please,” Marbella takes his arm and looks at him desperately. “Don't start this.”

“I do hate him though. I hate him so fucking much,” He looks at the back of Arcos who doesn't stop walking away. “I hate you so much!” But even though he's spitting venom his eyes are wet. "And what a terrible thing for a son to think," He laments.

“Lloyd im begging you, stop,” Marbella turns him around to look at her, and seeing the pained expression on his mother's face... he can't refuse. She was on his side, she wasn't his enemy.

“Im fuckin' outta here, that bastard can go fuck himself,” No, he could refuse actually. As soon as he looks away from her and sees him again his anger flares right back up. That bastard could have made him laugh with his audacity if it wasn't for the fact that it hurt so bad. How dare he act like he was being attacked when he knew damn well Lloyd was right?

“Lloyd! Thats enough!” She yells finally. “Please! Enough! Go already, you want to go, don't you?”

He wipes his eyes and scowls, nodding as he turns away. “Fine,” The bottle in his hand begs him to take another sip, anything to get that man out of his head. He's not the kind of guy to refuse a trip to blissful nothingness.

Marbella watches him go, wondering what she could have done to avoid this. She remembers what Arcos told her about the conversation in the study and how he had gone back on his word. She… couldn't stand by his side in that choice. Still, she couldn't stand by Lloyd's insults either. There was a civil solution, but both of them were bullheaded men who couldn't budge on their values at all.

"They really are family," She thinks. 

She looks around at the soldiers she was sending alongside Javier, Their faces are anywhere but on her, not wanting to gawk at the whole ordeal.

“Goodness.” She turns away and heads back inside, there was nothing left to do out here.

Inside the carriage, Lloyd sits across from Javier who was giving him a glare as cold as ice.

“Tch, Looks like the Arcos fan club is pissed off by today's events, huh?” He takes another long chug of his drink. “Well, who gives a fuck?” 

Jaiver doesn't say anything. He can’t, he knows he’s going to tell him off if he opens his mouth right now. He just crosses his leg and looks away, a frustrated furrow in his brows.

“...Whatever.” Lloyd keeps chugging, it's better to just try and pass out.

The first day of the ride is quiet. Lloyd drinks himself unconscious and goes to sleep, forgetting that he never actually delivered that letter he wanted to give them.

Chapter Text

No one is happy.

Finally, Magentano was in sight but there was no excitement in anyone to be here.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-

Lloyd scribbles the words in his notebook over and over, occasionally stabbing the hell out of the pages when his feelings get the better of him. He thought the long trip would make him calm down and he would forget about the last conversation he had with his father, but all this time to think was only making his resentment grow. His father was, in his eyes, pathetic. He had once told Arcos he didn't want him to die, but now he wasn't so sure about that at all.

“And just the fact that im thinking this…” He muses and stabs the shit out of his journal some more. “I shouldn't be thinking things like this, you miserable excuse for a man,” He tears a page with his pen, grinding his teeth. “I shouldn't feel this way, I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't lie! You stupid bastard!”

After a minute of stabbing, Javier finally gets annoyed and takes the pen from his hand. 

“What the-?” Lloyd looks up from his work seeing red but reigns it in for the sake fo the agreement.

Javier frowns. “Could you stop doing that?” He shoves the pen into his jacket so he couldn't have it back. This was too irksome to continue watching.

Lloyd glares at him but just sits back in his seat and crosses his arms. He's pouting despite himself, it's so embarrassing he can curl up and die. He won't though, he never does. God isn't THAT merciful.

“Thank you,” Javier says sitting back in his seat now. “So, where will we go first?”

“Julian obviously,” He snarks but catches himself. “I mean- Let's go to Julian.” He sighs. “Mother asked me to bring him his fucking shit, so,” 

Javier nods. 

“.......”

“.........”

It's awkward, too awkward.

That was a thing that went unaddressed between them on this trip. The awkward tension that came from one of them adoring Arcos and the other loudly proclaiming they wanted him to go fuck himself. Lloyd had promised to be nice to him, insulting Arcos probably went against that but he couldn't very well take it back or apologize for something he wasn't sorry about.

“We should…” Lloyd starts, wanting to finally address it but he can't find the spirit. He's still too angry, just thinking about Arcos makes him livid. Whatever conversation they have was going to end badly.

“Yes?”

Lloyd looks away. “We should… check into an inn first, actually.”

If Javier agrees, he does it wordlessly.

Julian looks down at the letter from his father, a notice about Lloyd coming to visit him. It makes no mention of his first letter and confirms his suspicions that Lloyd had written that letter asking him to leave. It's irritating, but he understands that there's probably something incredibly wrong with his brother that needs addressing. He decided the day he got the letter he would be trying his best to understand Lloyd, someone needed to try if he was ever going to change.

“Yo,” Diego loops an arm around Julian's shoulder and looks at the letter in his hand. “Agonizing again?” He asks poking his cheek. “Eh? Ehhh?”

“Please try to be normal.” Julian pleads as he folds the letter back up. “Im just thinking about what im going to say. I mean…I want to give him a chance but…”

The Lloyd from his memories is far worst than anything the bullies here at the academy had been. He thinks its because of Lloyd that he was able to endure them for so long in the first place. "It could be as bad as Lloyd," he would tell himself and move on to his school work once they got all the beating and insults out of their system. It was the only gift he had ever gotten from the man.

“You're scared, right?” Diego asks. “If you want me to go with you, I could do that,” He informs him. 

“No, I don't want him to trouble you.”

Lloyd was too unruly to let his friends around, Diego especially. He had suddenly become so kind, he was afraid of Lloyd rubbing off on him and somehow reverting him back to his old ways.

“It's no trouble you know, all of us could go,”

Julian shakes his head. “No, seriously, it's fine,” 

Diego accepts it but he doesn't hide the look of concern on his face. “If you say so…”

Julian sits with Diego for a while before finally leaning on him with a loud sigh. “Diego, can I ask you something?”

Diego shrugs and wraps his arm around him now that he's closer. All of them had gotten pretty touchy-feely with one another after the events of a few weeks ago. “Sure, shoot.”

“Were you just lying about liking me so I wouldn't brush you off?”

“Huh?!” 

Julian looks up at him. “I just- you don't act like it.” He tells him. "You and I hang out alone together a lot and I know you said you're nervous but…You just. Don't seem interested in me at all. Don't people with crushes act all, you know, flustered and cute with the person they like? Most days you don't even look at me.” He starts. “You're usually just studying or doing something else.”

Diego sweats. “I uh-”

“And just so you know, im not mad, Im just confused. Why did you do that?”

Diego flounders, trying to think of something but nothing feels more sensible than the truth. Not the whole truth, of course, but he felt he could trust him enough to start being more open.

“I had this bad feeling the day I ran into you that something bad was gonna happen. I just trusted my intuition and honestly… I really am just tired of being an asshole.” Both of these were half-truths, but true enough to work.

“So you were worried about something happening to me?”

Diego nods and puts a hand on his head. “Listen, sometimes you just get a hunch and you follow it. I just did what felt best.” He smiles at him warmly. “Im like twenty-something, it's time to grow up a little I think.”

Julian can't quite place it. He didn't know Diego well at any point, He was just some pompous asshole who liked to bully people weaker than him. To say that something felt off about him was a bit weird considering he had no prior point of reference other than his own assumptions. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to this.

“You're a weird guy Diego,” Julian says closing his eyes. All this thinking was tiresome. “I don't know what to make of you.”

Diego just shrugs. “Im a simple guy, I want one thing in life; graduate and live a good life. Can't really do that with a bunch of enemies. Resentful backstabbers are a good way to cut a peaceful life short, y’know?

Julian nods. Thats true too. 

"I couldn't kill him, but one more person like me might have been his neck."

The innkeeper doesn't hide their disdain for the country baron's son who smells like beer and wobbles when he walks. It might have not bothered Lloyd before, but now he just felt shameful.

“I hate being sober.” It was a miserable side effect of being sober; noticing things. He wouldn't have even smelled so bad if the carriage hadn't hit that bump while he was taking a sip of his drink. Maybe. Maybe he would still smell bad after the next dozens of sips. Still, this judgment was annoying as hell to notice.

“4 rooms,” lloyd demands. There were only 6 other men with them so 2 to a room would work fine, he would have to share with Javier, but there were worse fates in the world than that. 

That train of thought brings Arosh to mind. He wonders how well he's healed up from that scorpion sting. If there was time, he was going to go visit him when he got the chance.

They get the rooms and he tries to ignore all the irksome little things about this situation. If he was going to deal with Julian he wanted to be as reasonable as possible. 

Julian was a sore subject.

Their relationship frustrates him just to think about. He sits down on the bed and holds his head in his hands. He had spent years tormenting Julian and if asked why he couldn't really explain.

Javier was a victim of his rage because he was the perfect orphan who could do everything better than him, his parents were victims because they liked Javier so much, the people were victims just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time and judging him at his families side.

Julian was different. Sure he hated what he represented, he was wearing their honorable grandfather's name but that wasn’t something Lloyd even wanted. He had given it away! He didn't even really care all that much if he did represent his parents being happy to move on to the better child. That was obvious, that was the point, and he had wanted them to just leave him alone. All of these things are nothing. He doesn't even think about them most of the time.

He thinks of Julian and can't quite place what about him made him want to fight him so badly. 

“Is everything alright, Master Lloyd?”

“Ugh,” is all he says in reply to Javier's inquiry. 

“Understood.”

Javier goes to unpack his things and get settled in. “When you're ready to head out do tell me,”

“Julian, what's my deal with Julian?” He thinks.

He ponders on it, but can't find any answers. Maybe he would know if he saw him in person.

“...Lets go,” He says lifting his head and standing from the bed. “The longer I wait the less I wanna go.”

Javier says nothing. He just goes to the door and holds it open. Sucks to be Lloyd, he was excited.

Chapter Text

They plan to meet in the library in a meeting room, Julian having been told of his brother's arrival by the school's faculty. Even though he had told Diego he didn't need him to join, Diego being curious to see Lloyd Frontera in person was going to get a gander if he could. He sits at a table out in the main library with a book upside down in his hands. He's so excited he can't be bothered to even pay attention to what he's doing.

[You look ridiculous.]

“Can it,” He whispers But he does turn the book upright. A few guys chatting nearby think he's talking to them and quiet down. Not his goal, but nice regardless. "Talking in the library is rude, be mindful of your volume!" He scolds internally.

He had positioned himself next to the door just to be sure he wouldn't miss Lloyd when he came in. Still, even with that, t here’s no one for a bit. A few people come in every now and then but none of them are the people he's waiting for. His hopes get up every time the doors open only to be dashed when its just another student or something.

[You know, you're going to be seeing the guy you were meant to be. Is that why you're so excited?]

“I guess. Im just kinda curious.” Something in him drew him to Lloyd, he doesn't know what it is, but he needs to see him. 

[maybe you should listen to Julian, he said he was fine on his own.]

Diego shrugs. “Im not with him, am I?”

The box doesn't show up again.

“-This way master Lloyd,” a slivery smooth voice says on the other side of the opening door. Diego sits forward in his chair, he had a lovely voice like he had always imagined he would. It only made sense.

“Do I look fucking blind to you? The sign is right there,” A voice that is surprisingly androgynous replies. It's not without its coarseness and the telltale slur of intoxication. Thats Lloyd for sure, but he sounds nothing like he had imagined. He guesses that he can't be sure of everything in the world.

“What the?” He peeks over his book to see the two of them enter. When the door opens he fails to stifle a gasp of surprise when the two come into view. Javier is breathtaking. He had known that in canon he was established to be handsome, but the elegance and beauty this man exuded was enough to make him have to look away. He blushes despite himself and pretends to read his book. He was so prepossessing it was unnerving.

“Eh?” lloyd looks directly at him because it's not hard to notice the only guy in the library acting like a weirdo over how good-looking Javier is. “The fuck are you lookin’ at?”

“M-Me?” Diego asks in a little squeak, pointing at himself.

“No, your twin brother... Yes, you dumbass!”

A few people look up at Lloyd who was being inappropriately loud in a library while some look at Diego wondering if he's just going to take that. From the way he lowers his head though it looks like he is. 

“Master Lloyd, we're in a library.” Javier scolds, looking around apologetically at students who were minding their business.

Lloyd scoffs. “Fine,” He walks through the library to Diego, stopping at his side when he reaches him to glare down at him in his seat.

“...Yes?” Diego asks nervously, nose in his book to hide from his scrutiny.

Lloyd looks at him long and hard. “...You got a problem with me?” He asks menacingly. “You look surprised, you never seen a man on a mission before or something?” 

“Im sorry I just-” Think fast. “You and your ugly friend looked like someone I used to know.”

Javier sighs and puts a hand on Lloyd's back to guide him off. Lloyd looks baffled, a big smile forming on his face to see someone call Javier of all people ugly right to his face. He cackles as he's herded away. He liked this guy, it was obvious he was lying but it was funny nonetheless.

Diego looks back down at his book as he leaves, feeling a bit off.

[Something wrong?]

“I don't feel so good about that.”

[About what?]

“Meeting him feels…wrong.”

[Well I tried to tell you to leave but you didn't listen.]

Diego says nothing. Maybe he was just feeling bad in general and it wasn't related to Lloyd at all. He puts the book down and gets up to leave.

Lloyd walks with Javier, the bag his mother had prepared slung over his shoulder. Javier had expected Lloyd was going to make him carry it but it never came up. He was fine with that, but he certainly had changed. Even something small like this was big compared to how he used to be.

“Room 888,” Lloyd says pointing at a door. “That one,” He can't believe there are really over 800 rooms in this building though.

“That's not what that says,” Javier tells him. “It's 228.” The writing on the plaque on the door was just too messy to read properly.

“Ok.” Lloyd answers. He might have yelled if he didn't promise to be nice. He knew things were a bit tense between them, but he wasn't going to go back on his word because of it.

Javier follows him wordlessly and when he reaches the door, holds it open. Lloyd nods to him and enters the meeting room. It was time not to get this shit started, he looks up to see his brother standing there waiting and it's like everything falls into place.

When he sees Julian, just like he expected, it all makes sense.

“He's the better looking one.” he thinks. "That's what it is," His blood boils when he sees him and it shows on his face. 

This doesn't bring Julian any confidence to see his brother, but he had made up his mind to try and level with him. He was going to give it a shot at the very least.

Lloyd glares at him like he's trying to burn holes through him. Julian was just so damn pretty, so much so that he wanted to just start attacking him then and there.

Javier was a man who was breathtaking, there was no doubt about that. His beauty had never bothered Lloyd though because at the end of the day, Javier Wasn't a member of his family. It felt stupid to compare himself to something he had zero chance of ever being. It was like an elf crying themself to sleep every night because they couldn't be a deer or something, utter foolishness.

Everyone in his family looked good, but Marbella and Julian obviously took the cake for best looking in the bunch. He had lost the genetic lottery and ended up with a face like his instead of theirs and he had spent years simmering over how unfair it felt. No, everything about him was wrong. His body, his mind, his face, none of it could compare to Julian. He was everything Lloyd had ever wanted himself to be, everything he never could be for reasons entirely out of his control. 

The worst was that he actually could have been him if he was born luckier. Thats what made it so painful. 

It made sense now, he hated Javier for being everything his parents wanted him to be, he was smart, strong, dependable, talented, and obedient. His parents just had to regard him as the son they wanted even if they never said it; who wouldn't want a son like him? He had traits that were far more desirable to them than to him. Javier made him feel unwanted, unnecessary, and useless.

He hated Julian for being everything he wanted to be. A handsome young man who didn't have to worry about the trivial things that Lloyd did. He was pretty, but could always be assured his masculinity was confirmed. He wasn't manly in the way Javier was, in fact, he looked pretty girly all things considered, but his masculinity was never called into question like his own when he was younger. Julian made him feel ugly, incorrect, and jealous.

He didn't have to agonize in the mirror for hours over the length of his hair, didn't have to spend precious time trying to look right with the right clothes while inevitably feeling he had failed, or fret over stupid things like the pitch of his voice. He was so envious of the man he could kill him on the spot in a blind rage. Back when he was hardly ever sober, he didn't have to worry about those things either. Everything in his life was an inconsequential blur of nothing that could easily be ignored. If he looked like this or like that it didn't matter because he was unconscious anyhow, What did it even matter? if he wasn't unconscious, he was well on his way to being so. With that, there was no use in dwelling on anything. in his youth, however, before his drinking had begun every day was a nightmare.

Nowadays he didn't care as much. He had his days where he couldn't take the sight of his reflection. Its ugliness and its incongruence with the him in his head haunted him on his lowest days, but for the most part, he had made peace with himself. Some of the things he hated about himself he had grown entirely neutral about, especially after being able to walk around the sand and steel tribe mostly undressed and still be regarded as the man who had brought them a new way of living and eating. He wouldn't say it very loudly, but he was proud of the man he was now.

Those days of self-hatred were far and few between, his looks didn't bother him as much as they used to. The resentment he held for his brother felt like second nature though, and with no reason to question it, it persisted.

"Stupid bitch." Lloyd grumbles by habit. "I come all this way and all you do is fucking stare at me? Pull your finger outta your ass and say something!" 

Julian finds himself a lot more nervous than he had thought he would be. He had decided he was going to give his brother a chance, but now that he stood face to face with him that seemed impossible. If there was something that was making Lloyd the way he was, was he seriously going to be able to get information on it from this man?

"I um-"

"You what, huh?" Lloyd sneers. "You look like shit? Yeah, I noticed." He just couldn't help himself, the words were flowing before he could even try to hold himself back. Just looking at him was supposed to be infuriating, so it was. 

If he was going to be ugly, he was going to make his brother join him, thats how it usually went at least. If he couldn't be happy, Julian couldn't be either.

He was supposed to punch him until he couldn't see his lovely face, until it was just a bloody stain. He was supposed to want to take his face and put it on himself,  to pretend he had never been anyone else. Jealousy was supposed to him feel unreasonable like he wanted to crawl into his skin and never give it back.

"Here, mother wanted me to bring you all the shit, I ought to take it all and throw it in a fucking fire," he tosses the bag their mother had prepared into his arms. It's heavier than Julian expects and he grunts when it hits his chest.

"Master Lloyd…" it's almost a growl, but Javier keeps just enough composure to avoid any allegations that he was doing such. 

"Hmph," he crosses his arms. "Sorry ‘bout that, don't know what got into me," 

And it's true. As he had thought, he was no longer as insecure as he had been. He was just going through the motions of hatred. The jealousy from their youth didn't actually plague him anymore, at least not as powerfully as it had to make him hate Julian. He really just didn't give a fuck. He liked his brother, and he was proud of him for what he was doing here. He knew he could never do what Julian did and so it didn't bother him or make him jealous. He was just happy to see him following his dreams. Good for him, he thinks. The old desire to see him as unhappy as he was wasn't there.

Julian stands dumbfounded. Did he really just apologize? It feels like a bizarre dream. Lloyd was not the kind of guy to apologize, least of all not to Javier of all people.

"It's ok," He sets their mother's bag down and gives Lloyd a curious look.

"Thanks." Lloyd shoves his hands in his pockets and frowns. "So uh… yeah. I'm sorry." He chews on his lip a little. 

"You just said that,"

"Try not to piss me off," He would, however, be pretty mad if Julian started pointing out obvious shit like this. Thats annoying no matter what.

Julian nods and gulps a bit under his brother's intimidating glare. Feeling awkward to be just standing around, Julian gestures to the table in the middle of the room. "Did you want to sit down?" 

Lloyd does so without answering. He takes a seat and spins it around so he can sit in the chair backwards, resting his arm on the top of the back of it. “C’mere,” He taps the table in front of the seat that he wants his brother to take. His nails clatter loudly on the surface, long and witch-like. They're at least a centimeter long now, Julian remembers all the times Lloyd had clawed him with those heinous bastards and represses a shudder. At least he wasn't clipping them to be serrated anymore.

 "We gotta talk about something serious," Lloyd tells him and leans on the back of the chair.

“Of course, I've been wanting to talk to you about some stuff too actually,” Julian tells him.

Javier walks over to lean on the wall, letting the two of them have their space to talk. He would keep an eye on Lloyd. He was behaving now, yes, but he had seen the rage in his eyes when he was Julian and was worried. With how he had yelled at Arcos, he wasn't so sure he would be able to control himself for very long.

“Seriously?” Lloyd asks with a raised brow. “What's on your mind? You wanna talk to me?” That was shocking. 

“Uh, I think you should go first though, you seem like you have something important to say, mine is a bit more personal.”

Lloyd can't argue with that. “Fine.” He swallows a bit and reaches down to feel around the inside of his pocket. His flask was in there and he was getting a little thirsty. “So, dad sent you that letter right?”

Julian frowns. He had almost forgotten that.

“Uh, Lloyd, not to be rude but im pretty sure it was you who sent it.” He didn't want to make him mad, but he also was not going to pretend he didn't know the letter was fake. “And by the way, dad never writes letters that short to me, it was obvious the moment I got it.”

“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't write shit.”

Julian pulls the letter out and slides it over. He had brought it with him and only remembered it when Lloyd brought it up. “Here, this is the letter I got,”

“To my dearest Julian,” Lloyd starts, skimming the letter a bit.

“It's with a heavy heart I confess to you that I am unable to continue providing support in your study at the Academy….” He continues. “Yadda yadda, expeditious return, Frontera Barony, blah blah blah.”

He sets the letter down and glares at his brother unconsciously. It wasn't meant for him but rather for their father.

“Lloyd?”

Lloyd huffs and slides the letter back over. “That fucking bastard…” He grumbles. “Listen, I didn't write this shit. Javier, you can vouch for that, right?” He asks looking over his shoulder to the knight in the corner.

“Lloyd was missing for a few weeks so he couldn't have,” Javier tells him. “I was by his side up until that happened, he didn't have the chance to do something like that.”

Julian frowns. If Javier was agreeing it had to be true. “So that means…”

Lloyd glowers at the letter on the table. “Yeah, father wrote you that shitty letter. Bet he wrote it like that on purpose to make it seem like I did it too.” Either that or he just didn't have the guts to write a long letter considering how much he didn't want to tell Julian in the first place.

“I don't think he would do that,” Julian admits meekly.

“Yeah well you're not me, so,” Lloyd doesn't finish since he had got his point across. “But yeah, I didn't write that. It's true that I told him to send that though.”

Julian looks at him with a scowl. “What? Why?”

Lloyd holds up a hand. “It's what im here to talk about, stop lookin’ at me like that.” He waits for Julian to cool off and then puts his hand down. “You gotta get outta this school.” 

Julian doesn't want to jump to the conclusion that his brother is bullying him. He had apologized and was going out of his way not to hit him and yell. He was even being civil with Javier. If he was bullying him it would be weird to be nice in all these other ways.

“Why would you say that..?”

Lloyd links his fingers together on the table. “We're in incredible debt.” He tells him without much fanfare. “If things keep going as they are we're gonna lose everything, your tuition included. I personally think we can't afford it and should be using it to pay off the debt but I wanted to get your opinion on it.”

“Mine?”

Lloyd nods. “It's your education, isn't it? In my head im thinkin' that maybe if you think finishing out your whole stint here is gonna help then it's worth it to let you stay, but me, I don't think we got enough bread for that.”

Julian is harrowed, his eyes wide in horror. “Is it really that bad?”

“I think so. My rooms been picked clean by repossessions, the whole house is empty really, im pretty sure Father sold all of grandpas old memento spellbooks. We don't have shit, but he refuses to tell us that things are bad because he says he can fix it. I haven't seen how much we owe, but mother and father look like dead men walking.” He rolls his eyes. “I don't think he can handle it like he says he can, Im not convinced of that at all.”

“He sold grandfathers books?” That was a shock. “You're kidding,”

“Im not,” Lloyd says twirling his hair a bit. "Its all gone, there are like 50 books left in the library tops. They're all useless junk though."

Julian rests a hand on the side of his head and winces. “What the heck is going on here..? None of this makes sense,” 

Lloyd shrugs and stands up. “I dunno what to tell you other than the truth. I don't want us to lose everything so im just letting you know.” He heads for the door getting ready to leave, forgetting that he had heard Julian say he had something to ask him. “Im gonna get outta your hair now, we're staying at the inn down the street and round the corner from here, near the bridge. Once you had time to think you can come see me,”

He grabs the doorknob.

“Wait!” Julian says quickly. “I still have to ask you something!”

His brother stops opening the door and looks over his shoulder. “Eh?”

“Why…Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?”

Lloyd shrugs. “I got tired of the same old same old.”

“Someone tried to murder him and he's scared he's going to get killed if he keeps up the antics,” Javier answers.

“Shut uppppp!” He claws at Javier who sidesteps his efforts.

“Tch, whatever! Im going now, talk to me when im in a better mood asshole!” He storms out of the room with his hands crammed in his pockets leaving Javier and Julian alone.

“Javier…” Julian starts softly.

The knight gives him a warm smile. “Julian,”

Julian gets out of his seat and runs to give Javier a hug. “We have to talk later, you and I,”

Javier nods and hugs him back. “I’ll see to it, see you soon,”

They hug a little longer before parting ways, even if neither of them really want to.

Chapter Text

Julian heads back to his dorm room, thinking about what had happened today.

“I miss Javier.” He thinks. “What a cool guy.” 

He considered Javier the brother he never had because whatever Lloyd was, it wasn't a brother. When he was in a dark headspace or feeling low, it was always Javier he could turn to when things were too hard. Usually, it was Lloyd being the unbearable problem in these situations.

“But Lloyd…He really is different now,”

And he was. He wasn't weird about it Like Diego; it was easy to tell his brother was still himself between the barely contained rage and snide commentary, but seeing him trying to be better was refreshing. If things kept up like that then maybe he might be tolerable in a year or so after he got through all the fear he felt when his brother moved a muscle too fast.

“Wow… My life's been going really well recently, huh?”

He wasn't being bullied anymore, his brother was changing for the better, he was able to see his friend Javier after a very long time, and he had started to make a lot of good friends by…

“Yo, Frontera,” A student says walking up to him. “Diego said you had mushrooms on you? Fancy ones?” Thats what the student body was calling them under the radar of the administration. 

Julian nods and reaches into his pocket pulling one out. “Yeah, here,” He hands it over and they give him two coins in return.

“Thanks Frontera, see ya,” They wave and head away with a smile on their face.

Julian waves back, smiling in kind as he watches them go. 

It was like this a lot nowadays. After the other day with Diego and the guys, he had decided to take some of the spares Diego had secured and grow them in his room. They brought him a sense of peace he had never really experienced in his entire life honestly. Eating a ton of them was a bad idea it seemed since sometimes instead of peace he was seeing nightmares beyond comprehension, but if he ate just a tiny nibble before class every now and then he found that his focus and mood increased considerably.

After that, Diego showed up with Jet and Jasper who confessed they were too scared to go find any themselves in case they accidentally picked the wrong ones and died.

“Ok, I’ll give you some,” Julian had said only to have Diego loop his arm around his shoulder and hold up two fingers. “For two gold that is! Labor is something that needs to be compensated and my friend here has hired me as his mushroom manager!”

The twins both tilt their heads in unison and hold up two fingers as well. “Two each?”

“Uh?” Julian looks to Diego for an answer since he seemed to be running this now.

“Nope, just 2 coins per mushroom!” He announces. “So if you want one each then yes, otherwise, no!”

The twins nod and both pull out two coins, handing them over to Julian. “Here you go!” They both say at the same time. 

“Uh, yeah, thanks!” Julian goes over to his pot full of mushrooms and cuts a few off to offer them, even though they paid for one each, he gives them both 2.

“Oh, Julian!” They both take to either side of him, Jet ruffling his hair and Jasper shoving Diego out of the way to wrap an arm around his shoulder in a side hug.

“Thanks man!” Jet says with a smile while Jasper nods in agreement.

Diego lets himself be bumped out of the way and crosses his arms watching this tender scene with a satisfied grin. He couldn't be bothered to do the work of selling himself but if Julian did it, he was helping out in a way, wasn't he?

After that day, many more of the guys started showing up with the same fears as Jet and Jasper. No one trusts themselves to find the right thing, everyone is sure they’re gonna kill themselves by accident so it's better to just rely on the guy who already has the right stuff.

Julian is fine with it, they're all slowly becoming friends after all. He was more than glad to help them out, and if he could make a little pocket change doing it that was a nice bonus too.

Soon the customer base started getting bigger though, students who have never spoken to him at all stop him in the hall asking for some and offering coins in trade. It was getting hard having to go back to his dorm room with people to cut a few and send them off, so he just started carrying them around with him in case something like this happened.

“Things have been going too well for me,” He starts. “There's always something it seems,”

This debt was news to him. How long had it been like this? How could their father possibly justify selling grandfathers' spellbooks? Why had he neglected to reply to his letter if he really was the one to send it? Questions flood his mind as he makes his way back to the dorms.

Up the stairs, down the hall, keys out of his pocket, he unlocks the door and lets himself in only to find something unexpected waiting for him by the mushrooms.

“Lloyd?!” 

His brother turns around holding one in his hand and looking thoughtfully at it. “Huh? Oh, hey,” He says with a slight nod before turning back to the mushrooms. “Sorry I let myself in, well, no, that blond guy did,” 

“Diego?” 

Lloyd nods and walks over to the bed to sit down. “Yeah, he saw me walkin’ and told me he would take me to your room. Since I was curious I followed him. He's in the closet with Javier,” He says pointing to the slightly ajar closet door.

“Wh-” Julian's head whips around to the closet. “Why are they-”

Javier pokes his head out and waves. “Were making room for the stuff the Baroness sent you and…?” He looks to what's presumably Diego a bit confused. “What are we..? What is that?”

“It's like a garden thing!” Diego insists. 

“For the mushrooms?” Lloyd asks.

“Precisely!” 

Julian just looks between all of them before his eyes land on Javier.

“...Javier…” He says helplessly.

“I tried to stop them,” Javier says. “The blond one had a key to your room though, so I assumed this was a regular occurrence,”

Diego comes out of the closet covered in sweat and smiling. “Hey Juliette!” He says with a salute.

Lloyd and Julian both immediately cringe.

“Please don't,” Julian insists. His eyes wander over to his disgruntled brother who was taking a sip from his flask. He didn't seem too bothered, but navigating his brother's relationship with his previous title always left him feeling a bit like a fish out of water. Lloyd didn't talk about his feelings much so it was hard to know what did and didn't bother him.

“It's fine, He's talking to you isn't he?” He asks gesturing his flask towards him. “You worry too much about problems that aren't yours, you know that?” He wasn't drunk, but he was starting to ramble.

“Like seriously, When you were way younger you would always cry and throw a fit when Javier didn't get a slice of cheese with his apple pie,” He tells him and Javier blushes a bit. 

“What are you talking about?” Javier asks a bit flustered. Why did Lloyd remember something like that about him? He wasn't one to be embarrassed by much, but cheese and pie combined felt like something that you didn't confess in front of strangers.

"Huh? What are you saying" Julian also asks.

“You don't recall?!” Lloyd yells. “He would cry every time! I couldn't not notice y’know! I was sittin' at the same table watching," He turns to point at Javier. "You ate with us!”

Marbella had the inability to see a child and not give them sweets, so even if Javier argued it wasn't his place as a knight to join the family for dessert he would always be roped in regardless.

“You’ve got a heart the size of the sun, kid,” Lloyd says and takes another sip. “It's a good trait to have if you're gonna be in charge of a ton of people,” Another sip. “Unless you're gonna be like dad, irresponsible bastard.”

Diego awkwardly makes his way back into the closet, leaving them to it. This wasn't his place.

“You keep talking so poorly about father, what happened between you two?” Julian finally asks.

Lloyd sighs deeply and takes one more sip before screwing the top to his flask back on. “So, im gonna be honest here, but if you start acting like im lying or trying to trick you im gonna break all your fingers,” He warns.

“Lloyd,” Both Javier and Julian say it at the same time. 

“Fine, fine, I won't, but seriously, im just telling you what happened,” He begins. "Im trying not to biased here so please hear me out," He pleads. “So, me and father got into an argument about the debt problem so I told him about himself. I won't lie to you, I called him stupid and shoved him into a desk,”

Javier gives a foul look to the wall. Julian gasps and covers his mouth. 

“Lloyd, thats your dad!” Julian yells.

“Ok?! And?! Fuck that bastard!” He yells back. “Listen, he's got you out at this school just blissfully unaware of our problems, he was givin' me all the money for drinking and eating I wanted, I told him right then and there that this was irresponsible as hell!” He says.

“You could have been nicer about it,” Julian tells him.

“Yeah, and you could put your dick in a beehive but you're not gonna do that shit because its fucking stupid,” 

Julian and Javier both grimace, and Diego in the closet does too. 

[woah, he's got such a way with words.~]

Diego punches the box rapidly. “Like hell he does, im getting goosebumps just thinking about it,”

“-Sides, im not done.” Lloyd continues. “So I talk to him and I tell him it's unfair to keep this from you, you're a whole man and so you should be able to choose what you do with informed uh..?” He rolls his hand trying to find the words. “...Like you should know all the facts before you choose to do something, right?”

“I guess?”

Lloyd nods, he could have nitpicked his answer for not being direct enough, but he didn't have time. “So he tells me Ok lloyd, you're right. Its irresponsible to spend money like this, so I told him, hey send Julian a letter and tell him about the situation then.” He punches his fist into his palm. “So he says I don't wanna, he loves the school, so im like Uhhh yeah? Who gives a fuck, because between you and me, I think father is at his wit's end and on the verge of like, y’know?” He draws his thumb across his neck. “It's that bad,”

Julian is baffled but he says nothing.

“So yeah, im like, just send the fucking letter asshole, and he's like ohhh i feel so bad ooooohhhh, but im like old man he cares more about our family than some stupid fucking school.” He throws his hands up. “So the morning we're leaving he's like Oooh no you're going to Magenta, there's no reason to talk to Julian about this, so I thought he just didn't send you shit!”

He punches his palm a few more times, getting frustrated. “I tell him, hey, thats fucked up. You told me you would and even admitted I was right, so thats stupid. This mother fucker has the gall to tell me to leave him alone about it, he just walks away and tells me to get going already. Im so mad!”

But even though he's angry, he cools down after a minute to make his conclusion. “So now i'm here and I find out he sent you a shitty letter too? It pisses me off,”

Julian wonders if it's ok to tell him about his confirmation letter, it would make him angrier he thinks. Still, he couldn't quite defend his father in this situation. “Well um… I hate to say this but… later on, I sent him a letter asking him to confirm it was him who had sent the strange letter, he never got back to me though even though im sure it's reached home by now.”

Lloyds eyes narrow and Julian looks away.

“So, what do you gotta say, fan club?” Lloyd asks looking at Javier.

“It's not my place to share my thoughts.”

“Ordering you to.”

Javier frowns. “... I think, Baron Frontera is a very kind man. He doesn't pull mean tricks like writing a letter pretending to be you.” He admits. “Though…” It pains him greatly to find he might be more on Lloyd's side than the barons. “Though… I understand your frustration… I do have to remind him you beat him up to get your point across.”

“And? Was I wrong?”

“Does it matter? Coercion isn't always going to get you desirable or reliable results.”

“So you're saying a son shouldn't be able to rely on his father?”

Javier sighs. “You're jumping to conclusions and twisting my words.” He says firmly. “Im saying that… I think…both of you handled this situation wrong and should talk civilly next time you meet about this.”

Lloyd sighs. “You reaaaaallllyyyy hate me.” 

Javier sighs again, he wasn't going to indulge in this conversation any further.

“Im…” Julian crosses his arms and looks down at the floor. “Im sorry Loyd, it must be hard to be in your position right now…”

His brother shrugs. “Same shit different ass, I suppose,”

Julian just looks at him as if he's insane. “What…What does that mean?”

“Ughhh! Stop asking me stuff!” He rolls over on the bed and rolls some more until he's facing away toward the window. “What im saying is I don't expect people to treat me respectfully since I’ve been an asshole my whole life but… I expected more from my father. I shouldn't have. Thats all.” he wants to cry but he wouldn't. What would it help? Facing away, no one can see his sorrow, he didn't deserve their consolation anyways.

“Did…he hurt your feelings?” Julian asks walking over to sit beside him.

“No,” He spits halfheartedly. “I don't even care.”

Julian smiles sadly. Lloyd was so different now, trying hard to do the right thing only to have it disregarded by his own father. The same man who had been begging him for years to do just this, he was the eldest and the one to inherit the barony after all. Concerning himself with the money and finances was to be expected, wasn't it?  He can't help but feel bad for him.

“Im sorry Lloyd, you deserve better,” Julian says gently, testing the waters he rests a hand on his back.

Lloyd says nothing, but he seems a bit startled by the hand on him.

“Let's go back home together some time soon and talk to father together, I’ll vouch for you and try to talk some sense into him,”

Lloyd looks up to the ceiling wondering why he was feeling so sorrowful to hear this. It was nice, shouldn't he feel good when people are nice? It just hurts.

“I don't deserve his kindness, im not the kind of guy whos right about things, why is he being so nice to me?”

“Whatever,” He mumbles. “Thanks,”

In the closet, Diego can no longer hold back a sneeze he was avoiding for the duration of the conversation.

'You can come out now, blondie," Lloyd sighs. "Sorry bout the exposition."

Diego comes out and the two of them look at one another for a little too long.

Something about Lloyd feels off, Diego thinks. Looking at him feels like the discomfort of staring at the sun or seeing an expression that cant be made with a human face. He cant read the other's thoughts, but he wonders if lloyd feels that way about him too.

[You really shouldn't be near him.]

Diego ignores the box and walks away. That was concerning too. What does it all mean?

Chapter Text

Lloyd had spread a towel on the desk and lined up a ton of mushrooms side by side, his hair tied back and his sleeves rolled up. With his jacket off and his arms exposed it was easy to see the ring he was wearing.

“Lloyd, did you..?” Julian starts. No, it couldn't be. His brother couldn't be married. Shaping up? Getting better? Being nicer? Sure, getting married was entirely too unbelievable.

“Huh? What?”

“Did you get married?” 

He snorts and drops one of the mushrooms he was lining up. “Huh? No fucking way man! I got this from-” Ah but that was a tricky one. His face flushes red and he flounders on an answer leaving Julian to make his own assumptions. 

“Engaged!?”

“No!” He swats lazily at him. “No, I made a friend who was loaded so he gave me a ring is all,” He doesn't mention that said friend held his heart in a way no one else ever had or that he's an orc the size of a mountain. “I was gonna sell it originally, but it looks pretty nice, right? Even poor people wanna look good sometimes!”

Diego watches them from his spot on the bed, reading the script of the opera the music club was doing. He had made himself scarce to let the others talk, none of this nonsense had anything to do with him.

"Opera huh? Wonder If I could use this musical skill I inherited to become a famous star..." He thinks. "No. Even if I sing music, the music they listen to here isn't the kind of stuff I want to sing myself." He missed being able to listen to music on his phone. "Besides, fame gets you too much attention..."

“It looks good and all, but why are you blushing!” Julian says stealing his brother's hand to get a better look.

“Hey! Unhand me, hooligan!” Lloyd laughs but doesn't try to pull away.

It's nice. They both think so. Is this what having a brother feels like when there's no animosity and resentment?

“It's nice, they must really like you,” Julian says giving the ring a close inspection. "They just let you have it? That's crazy."

“Well, y’know. He's…He made me, y'know, believe in myself. Like, he was so nice to me I thought maybe I wasn't such a bad guy, y’know? Like I could be better than I was already.” He opens the window above the desk. “I got it in my head that trying to change would be useless 'cause no one back home was ever gonna give a damn but…Being nice actually feels pretty great.”

Julian nods and smiles, happy to know there was someone like that out there for him. “I guess I can see where you're coming from,” Julian admits. “I had like…the weirdest epiphany the other day about you,”

“Eh, what?”

“Well, it's like you said, everyone really hates you so I can't imagine that they're gonna trust you to change, right? But that just doesn't give you the incentive to try.” He leans over the desk to look at what his brother was doing. 

“In class, we talked a bit about something somewhat related. People who feel there's no way out of a situation will often give up so deeply that even if an option to fix their circumstances comes up they're going to refuse because they aren't used to having the power to do so.” He moves a mushroom that was close to the edge of the table back over to Lloyd. "Its called learned helplessness, but uh" He looks at Lloyd. "Its just the name, I don't think you're helpless."

Lloyd nods. “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” He had felt that way for a long time, honestly. Partly due to Neumann, partly due to the people of the barony, and partly due to the fact that in some way it was hard not to feel he deserved to suffer. Thinking about it though, Lloyd files that under a blame Neumann thing and not a him thing.

“So, that aside If you dry out the mushrooms like this you can store more of them and store more to sell off later since you're into that.” “He picks up a few and shoves them in his jacket. “However, im taking these.”

“It's fine,”

“Cool,” Lloyd says turning away from the desk. “Well, it's been fun and all, but I got business out in the city.”

Javier leaning on the wall sits up ready to leave.

“Sheesh, I really gotta take you everywhere, huh?” Lloyd complains. “What are you gonna do if I suddenly wanna go visit some brothels or something, huh? What then? You gonna go with me?”

Javier nods. “You wouldn't do that. You hate women.”

Diego snorts.

“I do not! I love women! Im so fucking ready to go see some whores!”

Javier says nothing.

“I mean it! I love ladies!” He did not in fact, love ladies. He did, but not in any capacity that would make him want to go to a brothel. Too casual and scary to just jump into a bed with a stranger and roll around. 

“Ok,” Javier says going to open the door. “Please have a good rest of your evening Julian.” Javier smiles at him and waves.

“You too, and you too Lloyd!” Julian says approaching his brother a little cautiously with his arms open.

“Thanks kid,” He opens his arms and the two of them hug for the first time ever it seems.

Lloyd holds him tight and rests his cheek on his head. “You and blondie have fun Julie,” He headbutts him a little and turns away to leave.

“See ya, trenchcoat,” Diego calls. 

"See ya, uniform," Lloyd replies.

“See ya, brown hair,” Diego calls. 

"See ya, brown eyes," Lloyd replies.

“See ya... Short guy?” Diego calls. 

"See ya, Top shelf duty," Lloyd replies.

They both look at one another plainly for a good long minute... And then Lloyd turns and leaves.

“Peace and love or whatever,” Lloyd says giving a peace sign over his shoulder to Diego and Julain on his way out.

“Ok, spellbooks,” Lloyd says looking around the crowded city square. “That should be something you can just buy, right?”

“I think so,” Javier answers looking around. “Shops like that should exist for mages and those learning magic, you can buy supplies for spells and the likes but…” He rubs his chin. “Where to find a place like that..? We might have to ask for directions.”

“Ugh, ask for directions?”

“Yes, is there an issue with that?”

“No...” He answers. “Yes!” He changes his mind instantly. “I don't wanna!”

Javier can't hide his confusion. “Um…” Why was asking for directions so hard?

“It's annoying!” He declares. 

“I’ll do it then.” 

“Cool,” He's happier immediately. Pulling out his flask he wanders off. “Im gonna look around at some stalls and see what's selling, you figure that out.”

Javier watches him go. So thats how it was. He was just lazy…

Well, he was supposed to be watching Lloyd to be sure he wasn't causing trouble but he had been behaving so well recently. He could cut him some slack. He was also supposed to be keeping him from running away but he was exactly where he wanted to be now. There was nothing like that to worry about. He heads off to look for directions.

Meanwhile, Lloyd lets himself get swept up in the busy streets of the Magentano marketplace. It's as exciting as it was when he was a little kid.

Good looking food, exciting new bits and baubles, and lots of smiling faces that wanted his money so bad! He wasn't really on the expressive side, his mother always told him that.

“You're always frowning or just giving that dead stare dear,” She had said braiding his long hair in front of the mirror. “If you smile, you feel just as happy as you look, and you're so cute it's sure to dazzle anyone you meet!”

She ties his hair into a bun and pins a stick through it with dangling beads on the end. He smiles in the mirror and looks at himself and his mother's reflection. It was wonderful, a wonderful gift to sell off later that is. At least, thats what Neumann told him when he saw it.

He smiles a bit himself, approaching a stall selling what seemed to be handmade wooden hair sticks. 

“Hello!” He says as cheerfully as he can manage, but it actually feels a bit awkward being this friendly. Was he doing it right? Is his smile normal? It doesn't feel normal. Are his eyes too wide? Does he seem too excited?

“Hello there!” The saleswoman replies and smiles in kind, drawing her hand dramatically over her collection. “Here to get something for your girlfriend perhaps?” 

“Oh, uh, haha no!” He answers nervously but still tries to keep his expression right. “I was just getting it for uh,” He blanks. What could he say here? “My mother!”

“Oh how wonderful, tell me, what do you think she would be interested in?”

“Oh her she's Uh, she likes things that are kinda pretty but not too girly, y’know?!” That would do for now.

“Ooh, alright, then how about one of these, my son carved them himself,” She says gesturing to a set of sandalwood hair sticks. They're long and thick with a swirling design at the tip that should be sticking out when inserted into the wearer's hair. They're not too gaudy like the jewel and fabric-covered ones also on display.

“Wonder if Arosh would like this,” He thinks. If he was going to say hi to him some time soon he might as well do it in person with a gift.

Well, he was going to get one regardless.

He buys one and then an extra because well, his mother did deserve one. However, despite saying it wasn't her style he picks a blue one with flowers and dangling beads on the end for her.

“Oh, a nice choice,” The lady says happily. “It was a favorite of mine, I hope your mother enjoys it!”

He nods and smiles harder. “Yeah of course, haha,” He quickly pays and turns to go, his face immediately turning back to its usual glower. That was the fucking worst. Never again.

He walks around some more, just window shopping around the area. It's easier to smile naturally when he doesn't feel like he has to, thats for sure. 

“Oh! Andrew!” Suddenly he feels someone loop their arm with his and when he looks down it's an unfamiliar girl. “Im so glad I found you!” She says smiling up at him cheerfully. “Where is father?”

Lloyd blinks looking a little confused. Who the hell was this supposed to be? “Huh?” He starts to ask her what she was doing but her scared eyes and trembling arm tells him to think better of it. 

“Uh, oh, Hey sis,” He starts. "Let's go uh... Find Javier."

He looks around for a bit until he sees Javier approaching from the crowd. Finally.

Chapter Text

The three of them walk side by side to the shop Javier had located, the mysterious girl holding Lloyd's arm tight. At this point, there was no more reason to keep holding him like this but being so frazzled by the experience she hadn't found the time to turn him loose.

“So you had a strange man following you around?” Javier asks and the girl at Lloyd's side nods sadly.

“I did.” She admits sadly. “I was out shopping to get my father a gift since his birthday is coming up, but a strange man kept showing up everywhere I went. I thought nothing of it at first but…” 

Lloyd scoffs. “Never think nothing of it. Men are like animals when they see a girl.” He tells her. "You're just lucky I wasn't a bastard either." 

She hangs her head and nods. "My father often says the same,"

“Why’d you even approach me of all people anyhow? You weren't worried I’d also be a dickhead?”

“Well, I saw you buying hairsticks, since you were shopping for a woman I think its safe to assume you would be nicer to one than any other stranger.” He had also been smiling at the time and looked rather friendly. Talking to him now though, she was lucky he wasn't bad.

Javier looks her up and down suspiciously, she seemed well dressed and had a gait that insinuated training to carry herself with elegance. She was nobility of some sort, so why was she alone with no protection in a place like this?

“The fuck are you all alone for anyways?” It's like Lloyd could read his mind. Hough he wished he could have asked a bit nicer. “You look rich as hell. I got a bodyguard myself and I'm nobody, so what's got you walkin’ around all alone out here?”

“Oh, that,” She sighs. “I assumed being in such a crowded place with royal guards and soldiers all about I would be safe, but…” she frowns and reaches up to adjust her hat. “Goodness, I was entirely wrong,”

Lloyd shakes his head, how disappointing. She should have been safe considering she was right. Where the hell was town security? It boggles his mind.

“But where are my manners!” She peps up a bit suddenly, there was no more use for tension after all. “My name is Christine, it's a pleasure to meet you both! My father is Count Cremo, a wonderful man.”

She is admittedly a bit confused. This unkempt man had referred to the pretty one as the bodyguard. Was that noble man supposed to be nothing more than a Knight? It was strange because if thats the case, what did that make the man who had helped her?

“Likewise madam,” Javier says with a bow. “I am-”

“Lloyd,” Lloyd answers with a lot less decorum. “Thats my knight Javier and my fathers Baron Frontera, you might know the place.”

“Oh, you're from that place?” She perks up. “My father just bought a lot of finery from them, what a small world!”

Javier doesn't even mind, nope, getting cut off isn't annoying to him at all. Thats what he tells himself at least.

Lloyd raises a brow. It made sense that something had to be sold to get money, but thinking about it, he had just assumed that having the things from the orcs was good enough. "It's all used though, the hell would he need all that stuff for?"

"He's building something I think." She answers. "He says he's just in the gathering supplies stage right now, but once he has enough he's going to build something. A statue of a mermaid he says, is supposed to drive off a beast living in the water."

Lloyd scoffs. "Ain't it easier to just kill that thing?"

She shrugs. "I haven't the slightest idea,"

Lloyd rubs his chin. A large beast in the water. Something like that is probably scary to see, it makes sense to drive it away but why not just destroy it altogether?

"Oh." And then another thought occurs to him. "We oughta be getting you back to where you're staying, huh?"

She shakes her head. You're shopping, right?" she asks this, but her eyes are more on Javier. It makes sense, hes handsome.

"Yeah…" lloyd sighs. "You wanna hang out with me and the boytoy for a while, huh?"

Both Christine and Javier look at him like he's grown a second head.

"I'm just sayin'."

"No, I want to buy something for my father!" But she did also want to chew the boytoy like a rabid dog, if one was speaking euphimstically. Still, that's unreasonable. Hanging out with him is the next best thing.

Lloyd shrugs. "Not sure what you're gonna find at a magic shop but sure." 

She looks more determined than ever. "I will find something!" She insists, shaking Lloyd's arm. “So lead the way! To the magic shop!”

The shop has a rather whimsical vibe, products suspended in mid-air, potions brewing that are boiled by flames that seem to come from nowhere, a cauldron used to store miscellaneous odds and ends, a fairy contained in a jar on a high shelf, books line the back wall of the shop.

"Oh dear," Christine approaches the fairy and looks up at him. "Are you trapped here?" 

He waves a hand dismissively. "Eh, I just sit around for ambiance's sake." His voice is that of a seventy year old chain-smoker despite his ethereal glowing blue visage. 

Lloyd, Christine, and Javier all grimace. What a weird creature, ambience is nice, but it's better when he doesn't talk.

"So are you the owner fairy guy?" Lloyd asks.

"Nah, here comes the real owner." He points at a middle-aged man coming from the back room. 

"Oh, hello!" He waves to the three guests and takes his place at the front counter. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Lloyd opens his mouth to speak but Christine beats him to answer.

“I want a gift for my father!” She insists. “He's turning forty-six if that helps any, he's a busy man, a count!”

Javier watches Lloyd to see how he reacts, this would be a big deciding moment on how he felt about him going forward. Lloyd just stands there and lets the girl and store clerk talk, taking his flask out to take a sip.

“Hm.” Javier nods a little to himself and heads to the back of the store, he was impressed. Lloyd didn't blow up or yell at all. He could have lived without the drinking, but that seemed par for the course.

“Hes been...doing very good recently.” He thinks and starts his search into the books hoping to find something useful for him. “I suppose Julian has a point, if no one gives him a chance to change he won't take the initiative,” And he had come to that conclusion himself, but it was admittedly not out of any sense of wanting to help him but rather just wanting him to stop being troublesome for everyone else.

“Practical magic for the working man,” Javier reads and lifts the book from the shelf. “Fire spells to keep warm and cook meals, Ice spells for workplace injuries, mild nature manipulation to make a seat anywhere you might venture…” He reads the back trying to get a basic idea of its contents. “...Spells even a fool could do.” He puts the book under his arm. Lloyd probably wasn't going to be casting any large-scale epic blaze spells anytime soon but just in case... He ventures further into the book collection for more.

Back at the front, Lloyd watches Christine's back and forth with the clerk, patiently waiting his turn. He might have complained before but now he felt a little weird. He was finally going to learn the spell and clear his name, it felt too good to be true. 

“Im gonna make so much money with this spell.” He thinks, the secrets he could steal from others popping into his head. So much extortion to hide the dark and confidential thoughts he could force out into the light. Utopia and money was just over the horizon.

He looks back to the clerk and the girl. She was being shown an ugly cape with a bunch of drawings all over it of various items. She seemed impressed though. Maybe if it was worn under another cape it might be a little better. That ugly patchwork of images was the biggest eyesore he had ever seen.

“-And you sir?” The clerk finally asks.

“Oh, me?” He jolts and looks up. “Uh, I wanna learn the confession spell, so a book with that in it would be good.”

The clerk's expression goes from cheery to dread in a moment. Lloyd's heart sinks, even before he's even said anything, he thinks he knows whats coming.

“Oh…Sir…” He starts. “That spell…”

“What?” But he can see where its going.

“It's not something they teach very carelessly,” He starts. “There are people who would abuse it, forcing chefs to give up secret recipes, blackmailing noblemen with their dark secret and collecting ransom, forcing others to reveal the location of their valuables, Only a few people are allowed to learn that spell.”

So long, utopia.

Chapter Text

Outside the shop the 3 of them stand, Christine showing her cloak of useful items to Javier excitedly while Lloyd stands nearby looking heartbroken. He can't help it, not when everything had crashed down around him like this. What else was there left to do now that he had no chance of ever learning the spell? He ponders on it while they chat, but nothing comes to mind.

"Julian said he wasn't calling me helpless but…" He mumbles to himself. He couldn't find a better word to describe how he was feeling right now. "This trip cost so much money…" he could curl up and die right here. 

“It's a spell saved for mages in service of her majesty and those she decrees worthy.” The clerk had said. What a load of bullshit.

Javier looks over at him. He was carrying the large stack of books instead of letting Javier do it, surprisingly. He looked horrible, there was no better way of putting it. For the first time, he actually felt a little bad for him. He turns to Christine and frowns. 

“I think we should be getting you back now,”

Lloyd shakes his head. “Im goin’ back to the Inn, I won't be joining.” He tells him softly. “Sorry,” He turns and heads off leaving Javier in the awkward position of choosing who to follow. He looks at Christine, it's ungentlemanly to leave a woman to walk home alone, but he was sent to keep an eye on Lloyd and it would be irresponsible to leave him as well.

“Lloyd,” Christine says running to catch up with him. “I... im sorry!” She grabs the back of his jacket, stopping him in his tracks. “I know you're upset so..!” She tries to find the words, but what can she really do? “If there's anything I can do please don't hesitate to say so, in fact,” She turns to look at Javier. “No need to choose who you walk with, I’ll go with you both.”

Javier nods and approaches. She was a clever girl, he was eternally grateful. “Lloyd, is that alright?”

“It's fine,” He couldn't care less.

They make it back to the Inn and leave Lloyd behind to stew in his emotions. He closes himself in the room without so much as a goodbye. Javier gives him a troubled look as the door closes.

“I don't want to leave him alone…” Something feels off but with so many other people to serve as security, he decides to leave one of them to it.

The walk back is quiet, with both participants feeling glum about Lloyd's situation. It sticks to both of their minds keeping them occupied with thoughts instead of conversation for a while.

They pass over the bridge and only then do they finally decide to start speaking.

"...I wish there was something I could do," Christine admits. "I don't think I will ever forget his kindness and yet no matter how I wrack my brain I cannot find a suitable solution to his dilemma," 

Javier lets the words ring around in his head a bit, his kindness. Kind and Lloyd Frontera have never gone hand in hand and yet how many people had he treated kindly by now?

The orcs, his brother, Christine, the clerk, the ill-mannered innkeeper, the pub owner in his own way, so many people. The image of Lloyd in his head refuses to shift despite the fact that the real Lloyd was changing more and more every day. 

The sound of wood cracking echoes in the back of his mind when he tries to rectify it, his eyes burn like tears might spill forward and so he leaves the thoughts be.

"All you can do is keep in touch." He tells her. "Master Lloyd does not have many friends even though I think he could use some." And perhaps that wasn't his info to give but he felt it was needed to know.

"I think I would like that very much," he was a crass man, sure, but his heart was in the right place. 

They walk but now it was Javier's turn to find the lack of security strange. Where is everyone? Something feels off but he doesn't know what he as a nobody knight can do about it.

"Did something happen to force them all to one place?" He thinks. 

Standing closer to Christine he keeps his eyes on their surroundings. A few minutes of more silent walking go by until they finally encounter royal security. Javier can't resist asking.

"Excuse me," he says, waving one down. 

"Yes?" The woman approaches them looking worn out, most of her clothes stained with ashes. She smells like burning wood and sweat and though she's still in uniform she seems to act as though she's off duty.

"My eyes might be deceiving me but it seems that there's not a lot of security out tonight," and from looking at her, the quality was down for some reason. She looked rather unkempt. 

"There's a fire thats been burning all day, a nobleman alchemist accidentally set fire to his home." The woman starts and dusts off her clothes. "Every time we get something to stop burning, the powder he keeps just blows up and we're back at square one, He has so much of it that the fight has lasted all day. Im only just now getting away from there since I've been working since morning." 

Christine gasps. "Blowing up? Did anyone get hurt?"

"A few of our soldiers, no casualties so far though. It's just a matter of being sure there are as many people as possible to maintain controlling the flame. We Have a few mages as well to try and send the flames away but one can only do so much before exhaustion." 

Javier nods. “Very well, thank you.” He gives a small wave and heads off.

The lounge is full of gossip and being hungry Lloyd hears it all while he guzzles down tonight's beef stew.

“So this guys from waaaay off, like all the way across the ocean and he brings this powder with him that explodes when you put it near fire. He's like some sort of mad scientist, no one knows what to do now that everything he has is blowing up!” a man explains excitedly.

Another man nods as he listens. “It's pretty far off from here, but I heard some evacuations being done over it, no one knows how long his house is going to burn for.”

Lloyd just keeps eating. Normally something like this might have made him feel like at least snaking off to go take a look but right now his only joy in the world is tasty carrots and potatoes.  He pushes them around in his bowl sadly, trying to let the flavor cheer him up. It doesn't work in the slightest.

“I don't think I’ve ever been this sad before…”

He looks to the one soldier who was eating across the room to give him space. He was droopy-eyed, obviously wanting to get some rest, he couldn't just drag him out while the others were out busy.

“But if thats the case, going out to see something fascinating is a good idea, right?”   He thinks.

He sips the rest of his soup and sets the bowl down, heading off to his room with a plan that works for everyone in mind.

He sneaks out the window before Javier returns and makes his way down dark alleyways to stay out of sight.

He sneaks about, looking around to see if he could locate anything intriguing but found himself more enthralled by the act itself. 

"Not bad," He thinks. 

He had refilled his flask with the strongest drink he could get and so pulling it out and taking a sip he winces a little.

"Whew," he breathes. "Burning my eyebrows off," but he takes another sip and then another. Why he had let himself simmer in misery when it could be fixed with a drink he didn't know.

He wanders off into the night, reinvigorated despite his defeat by a little classic tomfoolery.

Chapter Text

"Where the hell is it?"

And.

"Where the hell is he?"

The two of them can't ever know the sheer coincidence that allows them to speak these words at the same time with so much distance between them. Only god watching from on high can witness this spectacle and laugh a little laugh at the ordeal. That was, if he was even watching.

While Lloyd wanders the empty streets looking for the fire, Javier tears through the streets himself searching for Lloyd.

"Why do you always do this?" Javier complains, grinding his teeth. "Why are you always-" but he stops complaining abruptly. "Try to be less biased." Maybe something was wrong and it wasn't Lloyd in the wrong but the guard he left behind instead.

"Be alright or I swear im going to kill you," Javier says under his breath and keeps running. "I swear,"

"Hm…" Lloyd stumbles and leans on the wall of a building he was sneaking nearby. 

Everything feels woozy and he can hardly keep his eyes open.

"Fuck…what was I doing?" He asks no one in particular. "Fire?" He asks and gives an unpleasant little giggle as he spits some out. 

"Heheheh…" his head hangs limp and he closes his eyes for a minute. 

"Man, it's so dark," he says, looking up at the moon. "I really…gotta get home…" he says that, but he can't find any energy to get up for a while.

"....." He sniffles. This wasn't great. All he could think about right now was how far he would have to walk to get home and his drunken mind was somehow treating this like the worst thing that could ever happen.

"I don't wanna go back," he sobs quietly. "That's so much walking, I'm so tired," but he stands up and starts walking.

If he were a little soberer he might ask himself if it was actually just the walk he was crying about and not maybe today's disappointment.

"My fucking wife left meeee!" He wails in agony before bursting into laughter. 

"She took the fucking kids!" He cries and laughs some more between sobs. "Ameliaaa!" He falls dramatically to his knees and falls over on the ground both weeping and cackling. None of this was true, but it would be really funny to him if it was. If he saw a man on the streets crying like this he wouldn't be able to help laughing.

"She took the fucking kids! And the hoooouuuse! Fuuuuck!"

He stays on his side for a while, eyes wet and a big strained grin on his face.

"Im insane." He finally decides weakly. "That man trying to kill me drove me insane." 

Why was he here doing all this? It was the only thing he could think of, that he was going insane. No, he had lost his mind already. This was just his slow spiral into deeper reaches of madness that he had not previously tapped. There was no other way to explain this.

“Maybe Julians right,” He sighs and picks himself back up. If a person can lose hope and give up on being good, does that mean they never were, or does it mean they gave up on finding the chance to be? What was it about himself? What was the answer? Even being drunk didn't shove these questions out of his head, it was his last line of defense failing and just letting him go madder.

He lingers off into the night, looking around at the empty streets. Strange to see a bustling city so empty to most but to him not thinking, it means nothing. He is silent. No more screaming jokes, no more crying, just deathly silent. His mood jumps around like grasshoppers in the fields. 

Everything is still, it would be peaceful if it wasn't for his racing mind, throbbing head, and aching heart.

“-I don't care what the baron might feel. I can't take it anymore.”

The thought is all that goes through his mind as something hard hits him in the back of the head. 

In a moment he's out. There's no fighting this time, just wakefulness in one moment and unconsciousness in the next. His body crumples helplessly in a pile and everything he had eaten that day spews out and pools in a disgusting puddle around him from his mouth and nose.

“Oh god…” 

Standing over him is a young man with a brick, trembling in horror. He holds the brick tight to his chest and turns to look at his companion.

“Yo-you said I wasn’t-”

The other man is much older, with a deep scar on his face thats covered by a hood. “-Said you wouldn't have to kill anyone?” He scoffs. “I said, if you're careful, you won't kill anyone.” He reaches over and pokes Lloyd's face with his foot. “I didn't think you were going to hit him so hard. You killed him.” 

The young man on the ground showed all the signs of being dead. All his muscles seemed relaxed and from the smell of him, they were a little too relaxed. He smelled like piss and vomit and he wasn't breathing. It was nasty, no other way to put it. 

“I…” The young man holding the brick backs away from the body, not sure what to do now.

“Don't worry so much,” The older man scolds. “Take his stuff and let's go. I’ll take care of everything else. You're getting paid to not be annoying, you know?”

His young companion nods and kneels down with tears in his eyes. “Im so sorry, I didnt mean it, im so sorry,” He takes Lloyd's hand and slips the ring off of his finger, shuddering at how cold he had grown. “Hes…oh god…” He lets go of his hand and goes for his chain next, trying to steel his trembling hands and see through his tears. 

“Stop complaining. If you want to get your fill of mercy when things come to fruition, you’ll do it without giving me a headache.” He barks. “If you become useless I’ll send you to see your loved ones early.”

The young man sniffles and nods, taking Lloyd's flask from his pocket. Once they've taken anything that seems valuable off of him they look down at him one more time.

“What…what do we do now?”

The elder shrugs. “Well, im sure he's dead, but if hes not he might go telling what happened here.” He smirks and draws a dagger from in his cloak. “Let's make sure he doesn't get up, meet me at our usual spot, im good to finish things here.”

The young man cries even harder and heads off.

“Now, let's make sure you won't be getting up,” He digs the dagger into his gut and quickly pulls it out, leaving him to rot. It wasn't personal or anything, there was just too much at stake for mistakes.

Chapter Text

Javier sighs and runs a hand through his hair. This city is too damn big and finding Lloyd feels impossible with these conditions. Realistically he couldn't be too far but even going around the nearby area in a circle centered around the Inn he can find no sign of him.

“Lloyd, where the hell are you?” He says turning corners and crossing streets. This was madness, he had made his way from the flourishing center city and out into the less-than-desirable outskirts in his search. “I knew I should have just-” He groans and keeps going, there was no use In dwelling on the what ifs and what he should have done.

“Lloyd!” He shouts but his only reply is his own voice echoing in the night.

“Goodness,” This was a nightmare. “You had better be passed out drunk in a ditch somewhere, so help me you're going to get it when I find you,”

He continues down the road in a hurry, not paying any mind to the empty streets around him. Whatever was lurking out there probably wasn't going to be enough of a hindrance to keep him from his work.

“Ok, think, he's not near the inn anymore and he doesn't seem to be all the way out here either…” This was no longer a one-man job. He needed the rest of the search team for this. “Back to the Inn, send the guard to get everyone, keep looking…”

He groans, the fire in town was going to make that harder, however. “It's like they planned it on the worst day of his life or something,” He complains with his head in his hands. He knows thats probably not it, he's some important baron's son from the countryside. It hurt him to say, but he had to be realistic here. There's no reason someone would burn an entire house down just to kidnap Lloyd of all people.

“Still…” Now that he was thinking about it, was there something more to this fire? It's weird, a fire that burns all day. He didn't know much about the man whose house was burning but it was strange that of all people to have their house catch flames it was a man who apparently had a house that would just keep burning. 

“...It doesn't matter,” He had no stakes in this, only a duty to his Lord. Find his son and assure his safety.

He turns to head back for the Inn.

It's pitch black and cold. Nothing feels right like he's floating in an icy void.

“It hurts…” He thinks. “It hurts so bad…” He tries to move his hand to cover his stomach but it won't listen to him and stays floating aimlessly by his side. His entire body feels stiff in fact.

[Lloyd Frontera, we meet again.]

The voice is familiar, it's the one that asked him to give up on life that first time a long while ago. 

He wants to answer but nothing comes. He can't move, he can't open his eyes, and he can hardly breathe.

[You ended up in a sticky situation because you didn't leave well enough alone.]

There's this sense they may be laughing, but they don't sound like it.

[I had offered you a chance to get out of here and go somewhere peaceful, you know.]

[You just said no and decided to live your merry little life.]

[Ha, merry isn't the word for it. Miserable. Your miserable little life.]

Lloyd wants to complain, he can feel it in his throat that he wants to complain but he just lies there. He feels a pressure on his chest like there's a weight on him. His stomach injury hurts like it's being stepped on.

[I can still give that to you if you stop fighting me. Don't you know you're setting up your whole family for failure? For death? You cant help them. Do you not care? Just leave already.]

Lloyds finger twitches, a middle finger to the annoying bastard who wanted him out of his body so badly.

[A long time ago, there was someone who wanted to grant a wish to someone special, The Absolute.]

The voice is quiet for a long while.

[You were to serve as the vessel for that wish to come true, but stubbornly you fought for a life where the people around you would live and then die miserably. Now all thats left is me, The Irrevocable, revolted by your selfishness.]

He can hardly understand any of this.

[I can't stand to watch you running around like this. Your mother, your father, your brother, your friends, Javier! All of them are going to die because you couldn’t make a little trip to somewhere better. You're just some nobody with a black heart. unlike them, who deserve a chance, it should be you vanishing! I want nothing more than to see them grant that wish!]

“This is my home, I want to live here,” He thinks. “Why do I have to let you do whatever you want with me?”

[Becuase you're unforgivable scum that no one cares about! It was supposed to be him here right now! Capable and strong! Reliable and kind, but they just gave up! They couldn't grant his wish in the end because of you! It's all because of you! Suho can't even look at you because his heart knows he's in the wrong place!]

“I just want to live,” He pleads. “I know I might be a waste of space, but I want to live the life I was born into.”

[You don't deserve it! You deserve-]

“What are you going to give me if I agree to give up? You keep yelling about how awful I am, are you lying about the peaceful life waiting for me?” He thinks.

[......]

“I just want to do what I can, life is hard and some people slip through the cracks. Maybe that will be me and my family too but...Im trying though, im making an attempt. Isn't that enough?”

[You're dead anyways. Youre no longer useful. You’ll be dead within the hour from all the dirt. I’ll just start again from scratch next time, this world can be remade as many times as necessary.]

“Dirt?”

But before anything can be answered it's pitch black again, and he feels nothing.

“Im so sorry,” The young man who had hit him over the head dumps dirt over his body, burying him in a shallow grave at the edge of the graveyard. “I didn't mean it, I really didn't,” He cries. “I just wanted money, he said if I just hit you and took your things-” he sniffles. 

He keeps burying him. “I just want to see my sister again, Im so so so sorry,” He weeps. “She was like my other half, my reflection, she-” He hiccups and keeps shoveling. It's too much, talking to a corpse.

He's not very strong despite what he had done a while earlier, this was harder than anything he had ever done in his life. He feels like he could be sick, like he could pass out, like he could die right here and now. He wanted her back, but it wasn't ever supposed to be like this.

The shovel meets earth, he needed more dirt to cover the guy entirely. His hole wasn't big enough so he digs a bit more to fit the man's feet. 

“Please forgive me,” He can't stop his crying, luckily it was normal to cry in a graveyard. “I shouldn't have done it, im so sorry,” He keeps up his pace, sweat and tears rolling down his cheeks.

The body has its eyes closed, but somehow he could feel it glaring at him.

“I hope, I hope it wasn't painful, I hope you…your…” He can't think about the stranger's family without sobbing harder. He just hopes they can find peace with his vanishing.

He shovels until there's nothing left showing. The grave is too shallow but never having dug a grave in his life he hasn't got a clue. 

He pants and wipes his face, heading off after staring down at the dirt. 

He had class in the morning. 

Chapter Text

Water.

Rain pours down on Jaivers head as he makes his way from the burning home and back to the Inn. 2 of the 6 men had been evacuated somewhere safer and there was no way to get to them so long as the house was burning. If it was raining though, surely the fight against the flames would get easier.

The remaining 4 are out and about searching high and low. Javier decides to head back to the inn to check the room again just in case lloyd had decided to come back. 

He lets himself into the building, even though its late there's a man sitting at the piano in the lounge practicing a mournful sounding piece that leaves Javier a bit unsettled. The man himself seems to be smiling despite the somber tone of the music.

"A funeral in the Frontera barony would look like this..." If it was For Lloyd that is.

He doesn't stand to listen for long, he just walks until he's standing outside the door to his room. If he opened the door and found Lloyd inside he might have to attack him for all this stress.

He unlocks the door and lets himself into the empty room. 

"......" What a mess he thinks. He had failed the baron twice now. He walks over to the pile of books on Lloyd's bed and picks one up.

"Healing magic basics volume one…" he reads. This wasn't a book he had selected for Lloyd, no he must have chosen it himself. He could have chosen anything but he chose this. 

“You're trying, aren't you?” He doesn't know if he's trying so hard just to win favor, to avoid death, or if he just feels it's the right thing to do. He says it's so people won't want to kill him but then all he has to do is just not be annoying. He doesn't have to go this far. 

“Is it a selfish pursuit of power?” He asks flipping through the pages. “If you can learn to be stronger, will you just do it for power's sake?” 

“Well, y’know. He's…He made me, y'know, believe in myself. Like, he was so nice to me I thought maybe I wasn't such a bad guy, y’know? Like I could be better than I was already.”

The conversation back in Julian's dorm comes to mind.

“...You asked me to accept that since I'm not your friend you didn't have to do shit or say shit to me you don't wanna, but I can be nice too, I guess,"

That too.

"...Well of course it would. It's like you're attacking your heart. Just coil it around your heart if thats your issue."

He had become so helpful, so kind. He didn't have to help anyone even if he did get his act together, least of all Javier.

“Listen! I just can't get it outta my head that you're just fucking better than me! I hate myself so bad cause of you!”

Javier grips the book tight, gritting his teeth as a realization dawns on him.

"I don't think I will ever forget his kindness and yet no matter how I wrack my brain I cannot find a suitable solution to his dilemma,"

He had become someone admirable…

“...People who feel there's no way out of a situation will often give up so deeply that even if an option to fix their circumstances comes up they're going to refuse because they aren't used to having the power to do so. It's called learned helplessness, but uh … It's just the name, I don't think you're helpless."

And someone like himself, helpless in the face of awful circumstances. Javier clings desperately to the painful past where Lloyd was a beast, never able to escape his cruelty even when it was gone.

He sets the book down with shaking hands. To try and live in the world that Lloyd was living in was a daunting task. Part of him felt fury that the other had surpassed him and left that place behind. He rages at himself for living in the shadows of what used to be, never facing the light of reality. 

“So why aren't you here?” He murmurs through clenched teeth. “I’ll give you what you ask, peace, so why aren't you here to take it?” 

His intuition drives him to leave again and search harder, tears dripping from his eyes. Something is wrong and he's too late to join him. 

He would be left in the shadows of the past forever while Lloyd went somewhere he couldn't follow. 

He heads out into the night, rain pouring keeping his crying eyes hidden.

Dirt that isn't packed down hard enough will inevitably be washed away.

The corpse faces the moon, his dirt-covered eyes closed so he can't see the beauty of the night. The weight of dirt on his gut keeps his wound closed and what was presumed to be a corpse breathes softly in his tomb.

“Need…something…” Its body begs.

Mana from the surrounding area is absorbed, all kinds. From the air, mana is sucked in to keep his barely working lungs from stopping.

From the grass, the essence of life drains and it withers around him to keep his heart beating.

From the dirt, he takes nutrients that make his body start sealing the wound that was killing him faster than if he had just let it run its natural course.

He lies there for what seems like an eternity. He cant feel the passage of time in this state, but the exhaustion from the work starts to quickly catch up to him.

“Need more energy…” The body pleads. “Somewhere…”

Everything has energy for the taking, so without hesitation, he takes whatever he can get.

Out in the graveyard, a young man walks frantically, some of his silver hair whipped around by the windy night, and some clings to his face thanks to the rain. His clothes are soaked all the way through from his nonstop traversal through the stormy night, they're heavy but he can hardly notice with his heart racing and pushing him forward. His socks are wet and it makes walking hard as his feet slip around in his boots but he keeps his balance as best he can. He wipes water off his face, shaking his head now and again like a dog when he feels like he's got a bucket's worth of water on his head.

“Lloyd!” He screams. “Please! Lloyd! Where did you go!?”

“Familiar... Help…salvation…protection…”

Its a risky move, the night is cold and the body is colder, but there's some heat left in the joints. There was a chance that taking it might kill him or hurt the joints he was stealing from, but a bigger chance that if he did nothing he would die out here trying to keep himself alive.

Heat mana is collected from everything, his body, the surrounding area, anything, and a two foot pillar of fire erupts from his mouth. After that, he can only hope for the best.

Chapter Text

“This is my daughter, Juliette,” Arcos says softly, gesturing for his child to step forward. There's a surly look on their face, as if they would like to be somewhere else.

Javier stands upright and rigid like he had seen sir Bayern do when Arcos addressed him. First impressions are everything, thats what Arcos had told him and he intended to make the best he could if fate would allow it.

The barons child steps forward with a miserable look in their eyes, something like a wince. Still, they give a small curtsey and nod. “...‘Lo,” They say plainly, never meeting his eyes.

“Honorable miss Juliette,” Javier says with a bow. “It's very good to meet you,” 

“How formal,” Arcos chuckles. “I have another child too, Mallory. He's the same age as you but he's out in town with his mother,”

Javier nods but he can't take his eyes off the Baron's daughter. They look so crestfallen despite nothing happening, it's fascinating. He wonders if perhaps something was on their mind or if they had just woken up.

“...Please don't stare at me like that.” They ask and Javier averts his eyes quickly.

“If it's for Arcos, I’ll make her smile,” He tells himself internally. "I'll anything for him,"

“I'm sorry,” His words are soft so as to not offend. “Let's be friends soon,” He says hopefully. 

“Hm,” The child seems skeptical, their eyes out the window. “Whatever, I don't care," they look at their father. "I met your boy. Can I go now?"

Javiers baffled.

Arcos apologizes for his daughter's behavior later, but the look of disappointment in what seems to be the norm is apparent on his face.

“So that's what kind of person she is…” he thinks. A challenge is set in front of him, not a friend, and he approaches it as such. “I’ll help her out, help her become someone good for lord Arcos," He doesn't want to see Arcos look so sad and embarrassed like that ever again.

It's not about them, it's about the baron. That only becomes clear to him years later though.

“It feels like everyones always hated me! Even if I don't have proof at first, my stupid fucking brain tells me that people hate me! I don't even think mom and dad like me, I never have! Sometimes even when they tell me over and over it feels like a lie!”

He sits by Lloyds bed, peeling an orange while the morning sun pours in from the morning window. He was still wearing the wet clothes sans the shoes and socks from last night but had mostly dried off thanks to the fireplace nearby. The blanket the nurses had kindly provided him with was helpful as well.

He takes a bite of his breakfast orange and watches Lloyd sleep, making sure he's still breathing like his own life depends on it.

“Did you feel that way even back then? Like we all hated you?” He asks and pauses like he's waiting for a reply. 

“... It's no wonder you turned out this way then.” At the time  Lloyd had confessed those feelings he couldn't be bothered to care. After some self-reflection, however, things were looking a bit different in the mind of this young man.

“You’ve said it a million times that you hate liars and yet you honed the ability to forge handwriting, you steal and never take the blame, and when your heart hurts…You blame it on something else,”

He looks at him sadly, how could he have been so blind? 

“...You have always hated yourself, and why wouldn't you?” He shakes his head. “I'm sorry I lied to you, Lloyd. If I had been honest about my true intentions then maybe…”

The idea of someone trying to befriend him to get something, even something as simple as another person's joy, makes him a little sad.

Javier speaks up suddenly. "Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?"

Lloyd arches a brow. "Um? Duh." He huffs. "I don't wanna die." 

Javier sneers. "You're so selfish." He looks away in disgust. "I Don't know what I was thinking, of course thats it."

The memory stings now. How hypocritical. Even he himself had reasons for being nice that were not kindness for kindness' sake.

“I shouldn't be beating myself up over things I did as a child though,” He reminds himself. “You still became a despicable man, it was bound to turn out this way, we could never have been friends.”

The door across the room opens. Julian stands in the doorway with Diego close behind. He was carrying flowers in his arms and Diego had a large wooden box with a delicious smell wafting out.

“Good morning sunshine,” Diego says softly. “Heard about the little incident with Lloyd and brought you some breakfast.”

Julian nods and sets the bouquet of daffodils he had picked himself down on the table next to his brother's bed. Looking at him sleeping like this was strange. He was so used to his brother glowering and squinting angrily at everything, seeing him so relaxed is both unnerving and novel. He can hardly look away. The squinting though now was on his mind. Did Lloyd need glasses? It's irrelevant.

“Good morning,” Julian offers as he heads over to hug Javier who seemed to desperately need it. “Are you alright?”

Javier doesn't hug him back, he just keeps his eyes on Lloyd and waits for Julian to let go. "It should be me asking you that, shouldn't it?"

Julian pulls up a seat next to Javier. "You're the one who found him, it must have been horrifying," Julian tells him and looks over at his brother. "Oh," 

Lloyd was wearing a clean and comfortable white pajama set, no longer covered in dirt. His hair was washed, his clothes were changed, his wounds were patched, and his nails were clean. 

"He's gonna be pretty mad." Julian laments. His brother wasn't the kind of man who liked others dressing or undressing him, even his mother had a hard time convincing him to let her do anything in a situation where it was necessary.

"As anticipated," Javier answers. "Still, he had to be clean so they could treat the wound properly." 

Diego hands Javier the box of food and the knight just holds it in his hands.

"What did the nurses say?" Julian asks.

"He should recover, but since he hurt his head a few weeks ago they say they're going to keep an eye on him." He starts. “They have him under a spell since a talented cleric works here. He's going to be sleeping until he recovers entirely. I already sent word to the baron.”

Julian nods. They would probably be here soon then. They all stand silently looking at Lloyd, wondering what was to come when that happened...

Chapter Text

“So he's just out for a while?” Diego asks waving a hand in front of his face. 

“Sounds like the fantasy version of a medically induced coma…”

Javier nods. “There's more to it, but essentially yes, he's going to be sleeping for a while.” He was eating real food now, Diego and Julian had brought him plenty and after all the work last night he could use it.

“.....” He looks at the inside of the box. He had thought it would just be a plate in a box for carrying convenience. There had to be at least 12 sausages. There was about a whole loaf of bread worth of toast, too many thick slabs of bacon, a massive omelet at the bottom, and an entire steak under that.

“Where… Where did you get all of this..?”

Diego looks proud while Julian looks exhausted. 

“Ha! Good question! See, I wasn't sure what you liked so I just bought a bunch of stuff! I was thinking, but what if he doesn't like anything but toast? Well hey, 15 slices of toast! Just apply that to everything in there,” He proclaims proudly.

Julian doesn't bother to correct him about how Diego had asked Jet to cook something and in his intoxicated stupor he kept forgetting he had already cooked something and kept going until Diego escorted him away from the culinary class kitchen.

“They're all turning into a bunch of American frat boy stereotypes, like from the movies, drinking and partying all the time, no brains.” Diego thinks.

“Very well,” Javier just takes that for what it is and eats. 

“Hello?” The door to the room opens and a nurse pokes her head in. “All well? Is he one of the fire victims?”

Julian shakes his head. “Oh, no. He's the one who was dug up last night.”

The nurse nods. “Oh, I heard about that, I’ll send in Amelia to take care of it.” She dips out of the room as quickly as she came. 

After shes gone, theres a long awkward silence punctuated by the sound of Javier chewing. No one gives him any trouble about it since it's impossible in this quiet room not to hear, but it's pretty distracting.

“...So. Now what?” Diego finally asks. “Your brothers being taken care of, you just gonna wait for your family to get here and..?” He rolls his hand to get him to continue.

“Oh, yes, them. Im going to talk to father about the situation he had with Lloyd,” He tells him. “I still think its rather unfair how father treated him so Im going to ask him to try and reason with him when Lloyd is well and good again,”

Diego nods. “Alrighty, we got a long-term goal but what about in the meantime? I mean, are we hanging out here, going to class? What's up?”

“Im staying here,” Javier tells them. “I intend to guard him closely, so if you ever need me im likely to be here,”

Diego gives Julian a look. “Guess that means no matter what we choose we're bringing him lunch, huh?”

Julian gives a determined nod. “Alright, for now, class waits for no one,” he announces. “With that being said, we’ll be back.” 

Both of them head for the door and Javier watches until they're gone.

“.....” He looks back to Lloyd. 

“I almost never want to take my eyes off of you again.” He tells him. 

The two of them shared a history class. Sitting side by side, they pass notes on a shared piece of paper sitting on the table between them. 

He seems guilty or sad or something.

He does. Im worried about him.

Diego stops writing to scribble down some class notes.

Class was so much easier here. He loved going to school every day after eating a delicious breakfast, drinking high-quality coffee, reading an amazing book, and singing with this new amazing voice of his. Studying back home while his stomach ate itself and while his body ached was like hell. Looking back, he can hardly stomach the thought.

Its pretty weird though, that fire last night hurt so many people and burned for so long. Then your brother gets murdered. It almost feels connected.

I dont see it. A man with flammable stuff in his house caused a fire. My brother got attacked. Wheres the correlation?

Well, maybe they wanted the city distracted so they could get him.

Diego. I dont know how to tell you this but we are not important people.

Julian stops writing, no Diego had called it texting so he can listen to the teacher explain the results of a war 200 years or so ago.

“Eek-” He feels something slide down the back of his shirt. 2 golden coins. Even without turning around, he knows the student behind him and that he would have to talk to him after class.

“They can't wait until class is over though?” He complains internally.

You're important to me ^w^

nwn?

Its a happy cat face.

Oh. I can see it. But that aside. I don't think theyre related. Sometimes people are just stabbed. I think it was just your run-of-the-mill robbery.

Maybe, but then they feel too close to one another.

Diego, they happened on the same day, thats all.

Diego draws a crude image on the paper and Julian sighs. 

The class goes on and both of them decide to stop texting altogether for the time being to actually pay attention. Even with all his might though, Julian can hardly focus with Lloyd on his mind.

"It took some extreme circumstances for me to even consider giving him a chance, if that had never happened and my brother was dying I…" He starts but a frown finds its way onto his lips. "Would I have even cared?" 

Of course not.

It's so obvious but it hurts so badly. "I hated him so much, of course I did but he's actually kind of nice. That should make me happy but…"

He can't help but resent him. 

"Thats your own brother, you cant hate him," he knows the sentiment all too well even if no one had ever said it to him.

The people of the barony say it to each other all the time. To hate your own family is something wrong and cruel, that's what most think, but when they say it near Julian he's always excused.

"Your situation is different," They'd say. "Who wouldn't hate a brother like yours?" But this doesn't put his mind at ease. Why is he the exception? Even if he is, it still stings to think that maybe he wasn't.

“If he had a better family,” He imagines them saying. After all, kids who act unreasonably are always called parentless or without a good supportive family, it must not be entirely their fault. The blame is on everyone even when they say it isn't. Sure the people of the barony know the truth but what would others think? He cant help but resent Lloyd for making him the kind of person who hates his own family, the kind of person people don't generally like. If he was capable of good, why did it take so long?

Class ends and after a quick exchange with the student behind him, Julian walks down the hall with Diego.

"You ready to go bother Javier again?”

"Do we really have to? You gave him 12 sausages."

That was true.

“Well then now what?”

Julian looks off out of the hallway windows at the city, trying to figure out what he would do until his parents got here. What was there to do but keep going through the motions? Not much, he thinks.

“We’ll… We’ll figure it out.”

Chapter Text

Time marches forward a few days go by. No matter who you are... The sun comes up and goes down and you just deal with it. No one ever knows what tomorrow may hold.

Except for Kim Suho, of course. God's specialist little guy ever. 

[PFFT, NOT! GET REAL!]

He stands out in the archery field with all the guys but Julian, all of them ready to fight.

“If the queen is really going to turn evil some years from now…” having a dedicated team of fighters who he could rely on when things went wrong was essential. 

“But it looks like these guys just fight for fun, so training them up shouldn't be too hard.” After what happened with Lloyd he was suddenly remembering this world was headed for ruin sometime very soon. Living life happily was fun and all but there was good reason to get serious too. This leisurely little utopia he was building on top of mushrooms and a rich father was going to crumble someday soon if he kept doing nothing. He had only been friends with the guys for a few weeks but he was honestly starting to care for them. He couldn't stomach the thought of something bad happening to them.

[Finally! Gonna do something useful?]

Diego ignores it. He had more on his mind than this passive-aggressive box.

“So, is it a one versus one, or are we all just up against each other?” Geshpond says cracking his knuckles. 

“One versus one for now, there's something I’ve been wanting to try for a while now.” Diego was holding a shovel and though the others found it strange, they made no mention of it.

“This body of mine is pretty strong. Whoever this guy was, he was nothing to scoff at.” 

He gets into position, the position any man with bayonet training would know. The others seem baffled by it, but if it was some sort of experimental marital art Diego was trying they would give it a go-ahead.

Geshpond being the first to speak is the first to step up. "We're using weapons?" 

Diego nods but makes a so-so gesture with his hand. "You can. Do what you want," He gets his grip back on the handle. "Just testing a theory as all." 

So the battle begins.

Geshpond isn't a fool. He prefers his fist but he knows he's at a disadvantage without a weapon.

He moves as fast as he can to the side, and Diego jabs forward.

"He missed," Jet comments from his seat across Axel and Lionel's laps. They were still incredibly chummy with one another. All of them sat in the stands around the field watching together to wait for their turns. 

"Shovel stab, huh?" Jasper follows up with. "I can dig it."

The entire gang giggles pun.

The fight continues, Diego's jabs are fast and efficient, so much so that the others can't help but be impressed by his method. 

Still, Geshpond is better at taking blows and dodging than Diego had anticipated. 

The fight ends before anyone can win, Diego is satisfied with just testing what this body was capable of. 

When Lloyd opens his eyes he's somewhere unfamiliar. 

The evening sun is setting in the distance, he can see it from the black steel gazebo he was sitting in. 

He was in a brown chaise longue covered in red velvet sheets, birds and butterflies all fluttering around the place. The gazebo's ceiling is lined with plants and flowers that hang like vines making a natural curtain. The floor is covered in various expensive rugs, golden chalices and jewelry, and candles burning brightly. 

"Huh?" He rubs his eyes and sits up. "Where am I?" 

"A good question," A man's voice answers from behind the vines. 

Diego fights everyone. He wins some and he loses some. All in all, though, this body was pretty prodigal. 

"I'm like Javier in the very beginning."

Tending casually to each other's wounds, all the guys inevitably turn to conversation.

"Diego, that shovel stuff you came up with is no joke," Jasper says patching up his brother.

"Oh it's just something I was brainstorming for a while, I can't thank you guys enough for letting me test it out," Diego looks at the shovel in his hand thoughtfully, it was well made and all but it could certainly be better.

"Maybe something like a tactical shovel would be better, I always saw them in advertisements and thought they were so cool but there was no way in hell I was ever going to get something like that, " dream if he might, back home in Korea something like that was just a pipe dream. "Thinking about it, didn't that one YouTuber make a video about it?" He couldn't remember the guy's name.

Ah, but YouTubers make him remember something else that was bothering him. 

"I miss fucking YouTube." He grits his teeth and frowns. "gidle was about to release a new album, I was about to pirate Halloween Ends, and ManDooMiN was so relaxing to watch at the end of the day when I wasn't reading!" 

This was at least 6 rich guys he had here. If they were living in the modern era as regular college students that would be enough people for a pretty decent Minecraft server. Hell, they had friends too outside of him, that would be even more people! He had always wanted to play but with no laptop or computer to his name, it just wasn't possible.

"Life is so cruel, you finally have the money for Minecraft and a PC but it doesn't exist. What a horrible day and age we're living in,”

“So, Julian’s brother huh?” Alejandro says twirling his finger in his hair. “What's that all about? He died?”

Diego shakes his head. “Nah, he's just resting up. Still, he's pretty worried so he's been using all his free time to hang out at the hospital. They have him sleep with a magic spell so he can rest up without exerting a lot of unnecessary energy. Dont know when they're waking him up though.”

Jet nods. “Didn't Julian say he's an alcoholic? Do you think he went down so easy 'cause he was drunk?”

Dirgo gives a nod. “Yeah, he was out like a light the doctors anticipate. Probably looked dead too so it's no wonder he got buried alive,”

All of them shudder at the possibility of enduring such a fate.

“I heard back in my grandfather's day there was a woman living in the village near our home that was buried alive and came back after graverobbers pulled her up.” Axel starts. “She went home but her husband was so sad he had actually, you know…” He draws a thumb across his neck. “It was supposedly a big tragedy in town for a while."

“It was cause she had a fever so bad everyone thought she died,” Lionel explains. “They buried her and everything. I just don't know how you can be out like that for so long.”

“Ugh,” Geshpond holds up a hand. “I don't want to talk about all of this death stuff. We should be happy our friend's brother is alive, thats all.”

Diego gives a thumbs up. “Man! Im so glad we aren't so shitty anymore.”

Everyone present looks a bit guilty. Just a few weeks ago they were tormenting Julian relentlessly. Jealousy, classism, and things like that drove them to extremes against one guy who was in the grand scheme of things, not even all that bad.

“Y’know, I never really was into that stuff,” Jet admits. “It was all 'cause of you Diego.”

“Eh?”

Jasper nods. “You were …relentless.” He says with a gulp.

“I mean, we never really got all that involved, it was usually just you and Geshpond who did the worst.” Axel reminds him.

"And Alejandro," Jet adds. "You him and Geshpond had your little, elite union or whatever."

Diego's expression falls. “Well, yeah, so as the ringleader... im glad we got our crap together!” He announces. If it was Diego's crime he might as well wear it. He couldn't just tell them he wasn't actually their friend.

“Hey, guys!” A voice calls from far off. “Can I talk to all of you!”

A young man comes running, a scared look in his eyes. He looks as if he's been crying all night, bags under his eyes and his waving arm trembling.

Lloyd watches the vines part. A devilish-looking man approached from the outside of the gazebo, smiling as if he had been granted the chance of a lifetime.

“You're dreaming, my boy.” Long black hair cascades over his shoulders, he has a mustache much like Neumann’s, and he wore a finely made suit dyed in a deep royal lacona blue.

“Ehh…” Lloyd stands up and flees behind the lounge. “Cool, the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“Just a wandering salesman answering the calls of desperation.” He leans on the doorway to try and ease the other's discomfort. “There's a spell you wanted to know?” 

Lloyd furrows his brows, not sure what to make of this.

“...A salesman? With the confession spell?” 

“With the confession spell, and so much more,” He holds out his hand, summoning a ball of flame. “But I hate to talk in these conditions even though its you who called me, cant we sit down?”

Lloyd debates on it. This mans obviously no good, but he says it's a dream, right? If he's only dreaming, it's not as if anything that happens here is important.

“Im just lucid dreaming,” He thinks.

“Precisely.” The man answers as if he could hear his thoughts.

“... Don't like that shit at all,” Lloyd tells him.

“Then let's sit down and forget about it?”

He stares for what feels like an eternity, waiting for the strange man to strike or something.

“......”

“........”

“.........”

“...Fine.”

Lloyd sits down. Might as well hear him out.

Chapter Text

"So, you're gonna teach me the truth spell?" He takes a seat, turning it backwards like usual. 

The man nods enthusiastically and takes his seat as well. "I heard your call and came to answer. I will teach you everything you want to learn," 

Lloyd and this mysterious man sat together at a table in the center of the gazebo with candles lined all across it in the middle. They act as a sort of barrier to keep lloyd on his side and the man on the other. Lloyd wonders why its necessary, but finds it's not relevant enough to bring up. 

"About that…" Lloyd starts. "When did I ever ask for your service, huh?"

The man smiles brightly as if he was waiting for him to ask.

"Oh, I was just waiting for you to ask!" Ah, so he was waiting.

"Yeah?" 

The man links his fingers together and gives a serious look. "You don't have to ask directly to get my help." He tells him. "I come to those who would call me if they knew they could." He tells him. "I have no interest in those who have none in me," he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a rolled-up contract. 

"Eh..?" Lloyd scratches his head. "Um… I don't really follow." It kind of made sense. He wanted the spell badly, and if this guy only showed up to those who wanted to know things then it made sense for him to be here.

"What's on your mind, Lloyd?" The man asks cheerfully. "If there's anything I can clear up I'd be more than happy to do so."

"You're just gonna teach me, no strings attached, or you got some sorta trade in mind?"

The man's expression falls. "Yes… a trade." This was always the hardest part of any deal. The blue of his suit becomes purple, magenta, and then red. It's like the blue drains out like it's been wrung from the fabric by invisible hands. "Lloyd Frontera, I will give you your spell, a path to riches, and anything your heart desires for your immortal soul,"

Lloyd says nothing at first. What do you even say to something like this? Still, now that he thought about it, the deal didn't sound entirely bad either.

"Im already bound to go to hell, selling my soul means nothing," 

He had started imagining it as a child, watching his family flutter about heaven like passing clouds from the burning fires of hell. He would never make it. He was hated by everyone, a place where good people went could never hold him in the same place, good people didn't like him. It was the only logical assumption he could make; that he would go to hell since hell for them was by his side.

"So when I die you get my soul?"

The man nods. "Normally I’d give you an allotted amount of time to use the power I have given you, but the circumstances are a bit special." He tells him. “I want to help you.”

Lloyd frowns. "But if you wanna help me, why take my soul?"

“It's how these things work, unless you have another soul to give me? I would be more than happy to let you do that.”

Lloyd shakes his head disappointedly. “Can't say I do,”

“What if I gave you the means to collect one?”

“You would do that? How?”

The man smiles, something about his face is just uncanny enough to be a bit unnerving in its mannerisms. A smile too big, eyes that don't blink, skin glowing a little too bright. No, maybe that last thing was normal and Lloyd was just envious. “I have tools. You can use them rather easily. It's just a blade.”

“And you're not gonna just like and use the blade to take my soul soon as I touch it or something?”

“Of course not! Though I may be a demon, I cannot lie in my contract.” He rolls the curled contract out so Lloyd can see it. "Its all right here in black and white, no lies." 

Lloyd is skeptical. Demons could say they're not lying until they're blue in the face, but that doesn't make it any more the truth just because they’ve said it a bunch. He can't imagine giving his soul or anyone elses to anyone is a good idea, but then what makes it a bad idea in the first place?

Without a soul he would get everything he wanted in his mortal life, he would save his family, he would destroy Neumann, and when he died he would go exactly where he was expecting to go anyways.

"Maybe…I don't know, it's just a bit scary," he admits. "I mean this is my immortal soul we're talking about, scary for any person right? Either that or I have to get someone else's, thats not really much easier."

The man nods along to what he's saying, more than anyone else he can absolutely understand where he's coming from. He gives a sympathetic look knowing it had been him in this situation once a long time ago.

"Listen, I'm a patient man, when you awaken I'll send this contract along with you.” He tells him rolling the contract back up. “Keep it by your side, if you change your mind just sign it. Write down what you intend to do and our deal can begin.” He stands up from the table ready to make his departure.

“I’ll make you a human supernova Mister Frontera. All you need do is sign.” He heads for the vines covering the entrance of the gazebo. “Farewell,” He pretends to be tipping a hat and heads off while Lloyd watches him go.

“Hey!” Lloyd shouts just before he's out the door. “What…What's your name?”

The man lingers in the doorway, surprised he had asked. He looks shocked but that look turns to a smile. “You can call me Mephisto, that is if we go anywhere from here.” But of course, they would. He shows himself to only those who have already become damned. 

“Mehpisto…”

“No, Mephisto.”

“M…eh…” Lloyd says slowly.

The man nods to encourage him. “You almost got it. Meh, fist, toe,” He tells him. “Not pisto. Not piss. It sounds like fist.”

“Fisto.”

“Absolutely not.” 

Lloyd scowls. “Eh? Why not!?”

“No way in heaven or hell are you calling me Fisto!” He tells him loudly. “Just put MEH in front of it! Meh!”

“Ok ok, sheesh! Stop yellin'!” Lloyd says leaning back. “Mephisto. Yeah?”

The man nods. “Good, im glad we could come to an understanding.”

Lloyd sighs. “Well, guess this is where I go back to..?” He trails off to get the demon to elaborate on what happens next.

Mephisto gives him a thumbs up. “You're going to be waking up soon. It's been a few days. Don't worry too much.”

“Oh, cool... Motherfucker.”

Mephisto arches his eyebrow. “Huh?”

Lloyd links his fingers together now, looking grim. “I haven't sworn in a while, I feel like a fucking saint, it feels wrong.”

Mephisto gives an unrefined snort. “You're fucking hilarious, my good sir.” He can't help but cackle on his way out, the sound is audible until he reaches the other side of the vines. He must have vanished because once hes out of sight, the sound stops entirely.

“Hm, so Im gonna wake up soon.” 

He looks around at his surroundings. It only feels like he's been here for about an hour or so, but apparently that wasn't the case. 

“If I could do a spell like this…I would rob so many people.” He imagines trapping them in a dream while he emptied their pocket, not worried about them fighting back. What a dream come true. Making money the honest way is so hard, he cant stand the thought of it.

In his mind, he knows that they were right to keep the Confession spell out of his hands. He had nothing but the very intentions they kept it secret for. Still, he wanted it badly. If it meant he used it on Neumann alone that was fine.

“Hm?” The world around him starts glowing, everything around him turning into warm balls of light and glimmering out of existence. “Oh,” He picks up a fading candle and lets it vanish from his palm, leaving behind a feeling like a warm hug.

His eyes open to the dark night, all the lights in the room extinguished so Javier sleeping nearby can do so peacefully.

“...?” Lloyd looks at him curiously, baffled by how horrible he looked. It was as if he only sat by his side all day and slept in the shitty chair this supposed hospital provided.

“Did you just stop everything to watch over me?” He thinks.

“Hm?” Lloyd feels something in his pocket, a rolled-up piece of paper. He pulls it out but the soft fabric of his pants makes him instantly realize that he's wearing something else.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” He thinks. “I fucking hate-” But he doesn't really know what to hate in this situation. It's only normal a hospital wouldn't let you lie in bed covered in dirt. It's just annoying.

He looks at the paper and unfurls it to read it over.

“Hm, wouldn't he be awake by now?” He says looking over at Javier. "I've been awfully noisy."

This contract will be seen by only your eyes.

The words glow in the dark of the room on the page. Obviously, it had the ability to keep him asleep. He just rolls with it and gets back to reading.

“Hmmmm…” 

He reads the contract well, everything seems to be in the right place, nothing untoward or tricksy. He would give his soul now or someone else's later and be given the power of magic.

“I…Would become a warlock…” He realizes. “And then I could save the family from that ruin that bastard box keeps talking about.” But thinking about that rude box, a thought comes to mind.

“I’ll just start again from scratch next time, this world can be remade as many times as necessary.” He remembers the box saying. Was that thing strong enough to do that or was it just being a huge asshole to make him feel bad and scared? It was capable of showing him the-

“The future!” He holds the contract in his hands tight. If he made this deal, that absolutely seemed like the kind of thing that would bring it to be. “I…I can't do this.”

But that box's words haunt him.