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There was a baby in Devil May Cry. 

Well, there were many things in Dante’s shop really—for instance there was the pool table and the jukebox and his badass desk, as well as a legion of empty wine bottles he never quite seemed to get around to recycling—but the baby was what drew Dante’s attention at that moment. It was generally safe to say that a baby was not the type of client that typically frequented the devil hunter’s shop. Yet, there the baby was, wrapped up snugly in a soft looking black blanket, pink cheeked and with bright blue eyes, gazing over at him. The baby would have been odd enough on its own, but the most shocking part was where the baby was, or to be more precise, who was holding it.

“You’re holding a baby,” Dante said, dumbfounded. 

“Your skills of deduction never fail to impress me, brother.” Vergil sneered at him, though any sort of potentially menacing effect that might have been achieved was completely negated by the careful way he cradled the small bundle in his arms.  

Of course the first thing Vergil would do after basically breaking into Dante’s home, was insult him. It was almost comforting; a small piece of normality in the otherwise bizarre situation. Dante crossed his arms, leaning against the stair railing. This was so not how he was wanting to start his Saturday morning.

“The last time I saw you, you were demanding I give you my amulet so you could try to raise some stupid tower thing you read about in the book and then I kick your ass. That was months ago, Vergil. And now you suddenly show up out of nowhere with a goddamn baby? Excuse me if I have a few questions.”

“It was a tie.”  

“Is what a loser would say,” Dante shot back, used to the type of back and forth that they had been doing all their lives. “What happened in the end with all that stuff? You just sort of disappeared.”

“I’ve moved on.” Vergil’s response was clipped, as if Dante was the unreasonable one here.

“Apparently.” Dante rolled his eyes. “Where have you even been anyway?”

“I do not need to give you any explanations.” 

“I’d like some sort of explanation.” Dante narrowed his eyes, utterly untrusting of his brother. “You didn’t steal the baby did you?” 

“Of course I didn’t.” Vergil looked almost offended by the idea. “Why would I steal a baby?”

“I don’t know!” Dante threw up his hands. “Half the shit you do makes no sense. What? Did you have a baby, Vergil?”

“No, you complete imbecile.” Now it was Vergil’s turn to roll his eyes, letting out a truly disappointed sounding sigh. “I know you received no proper education past the age of eight, but really. Why your mind goes straight to something so ridiculous is baffling.”

“Where the hell did the baby come from then?” Dante was really starting to get tired of his brother’s seeming inability to volunteer information. 

“Where do you think it came from? From a woman obviously. Lord, do I need to explain everything about where babies come from?”

“Wait…” A sudden pit opened up in Dante’s stomach for reasons he couldn’t name. “Are you… married or something? Like, are you in a relationship?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Vergil looked genuinely annoyed by the idea. “Obviously this isn’t my baby. I found it.”

“I see,” Dante said, no less confused really, but suddenly relieved. “Where?”

“It was on your doorstep in a basket.” Vergil kicked lightly at a straw basket at his feet with two small balloons attached. One proudly proclaimed ‘It’s a boy!’ while the other one read ‘Good luck, you’ll need it!’ Had the whole, ‘Vergil holding a baby’ thing not been so distracting, Dante probably would have noticed it sooner. “I assumed you might appreciate it if I brought it inside rather than leaving it on the street.”

Dante nodded. Even if he had no idea why a baby might be on his doorstep, it wouldn’t have been good for business to have just felt it there. Also, you know, it probably wasn’t good to just leave babies outside unattended. 

“Why did you take him out of the basket?”

“It was crying, what else would you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know, stab him?” He shrugged. Knowing his brother, it wasn’t that unlikely.

“Please, Dante,” Vergil scoffed, apparently getting tired of standing in the doorway and moving over to sit on Dante’s couch on the far side of the room by the window. “This is no time for your foolishness.”

“Oh, of course, I’m the one being weird here.” Dante rolled his eyes. “Alright, I’m not dealing with any more of your bullshit until I’ve had coffee. Want some?”

Vergil looked torn for a moment, as if accepting it might be construed as weakness. After a moment though, he agreed and Dante disappeared into the kitchen.

Vergil watched his brother’s retreating bare back. He wasn’t particularly surprised that his brother was shirtless, dressed only in a pair of low slung sweatpants. Last time he had encountered Dante, his brother had been missing a shirt as well. Dante had insisted that it was only because Vergil had caught him right after a shower, but Vergil suspected that his brother’s exhibitionist tendencies were less than coincidental.

Turning his attention back to the form in his arms, bright blue eyes staring back, not a single tear in them now. Truthfully, he didn’t know why he had picked up the child—he only knew that it was crying and he had to make it stop. Now that it was in his arms though, he felt reluctant to set it down. How strange. 

He was still there when Dante returned a few minutes later, mugs in hand.

“Want me to take him for a bit?”

“Yes.” Vergil said, despite feeling the very opposite. Dante took a long drink before moving a few bottles off the nearby windowsill and put the mugs down in their place. Sitting down next to his brother, he leaned in close.

“Come here, come to uncle Dante.” Dante cooed, gently reaching over to lift the baby from Vergil’s grasp. He paused after a moment though, his arms around the baby and pressed awkwardly close to his brother. “Um, Verge? You’re going to have to let go if you want me to hold him.” Only at Dante’s prompting did Vergil seem to realize he was clutching the baby close to his own chest.

“I just don’t want you to drop it, I’ve seen how you handle your sword,” he said, releasing the child to his brother.

“Oh fuuuudge off.” 

“What was that?”

“Well, I can’t exactly say fuck in front of a newborn baby, can I?” Vergil lifted an eyebrow. “That one doesn’t count, it was part of an explanation.”

“I do not believe it has developed enough of a brain to know the difference.”

“You think?” Dante looked quizzically down at the bundle in his arms. “Fuck. Fudge. Fuck. Fudge. Huh, yeah, no change in reaction. Guess I can cuss as much as I damn well please.”

“What makes you think it’s a newborn?” Vergil hadn’t been around babies very much, but had a vague idea that they were often slightly more misshapen. 

“I don’t know, he just kinda looks squishy?” Dante was messing around with the blanket, adjusting where it was snugly wrapped around the baby. Suddenly, something almost snake-like slipped out, surprising Dante enough to jump in his seat. “Fuck!”

“Don’t drop it!”

“I’m not going to, calm down!” Dante insisted. Vergil watched as a thin blue tail slid out from the blankets, moving to wrap around Dante’s wrist. “Well, it looks like he’s definitely related to us. You sure you don’t remember getting busy with some girl and then giving her my address in case you knocked her up?”

“If he was sired by one of us,” Vergil said, getting up to grab his coffee, “I would assume that it was you. He was on your doorstep after all—it would stand to reason.”

“Yeah, not very likely,” Dante dismissed.

“Oh?” Vergil smirked at Dante before taking a sip. “Does that mean you are a virgin, brother?”

“No!” 

“Then how are you so sure the child is not yours?”

“It’s just not, okay?”

“Protection is not always guaranteed,” he reasoned, “at least the ones humans use.”

“Well what about you? Have you ever had sex?”

“Of course I have. However, I know of spells that prevent this sort of thing and I’ve always been more careful than you. The child must be yours.”

“Trust me,” Dante huffed a laugh, “it’s not.”

“How are you so sure the child is not yours?” Vergil asked, eyeing the baby he had just handed to Dante. 

“I just am, okay?” Dante said, trying to find a comfortable way to hold the wriggling child.

“You seem the type to have slept around far more than I.”

“Probably, but it’s not like the sex I’ve been having is the type that gets you a baby.”

Vergil frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Men, Vergil.” Dante sighed, apparently tired of beating around the bush. “I like being fucked by men, okay? The kinds with dicks? Damn, and you always brag about being the smart one.”

“Men?” Vergil asked. He was sure he had heard his brother correctly, but for some reason he was having trouble processing the information. “You sleep with men?”

“They’re easier to pick up, alright?” Dante said, sounding a bit defensive. “Or really, more likely to try to pick me up which means I have to do basically no work to get laid. Besides, it means that situations like this aren’t exactly likely to occur.”

“So you’ve been having sex with men for the convenience of it?”

“What do you want me to say?” Dante just sounded exasperated now. “That I like riding someone as much as I enjoy being ridden? That a hard dicking down is a great form of stress relief? That I like sucking cock just as much as I like having one shoved up my ass? Is that enough of an explanation for you or do you want more details?”

Vergil could suddenly picture it; Dante bouncing on some faceless man’s lap, being driven into from behind, gazing up while wrapping his lips around some undeserving human. How many of these faceless partners even had to work for his brother’s attention, or had they simply been blessed by Dante’s seemingly endless ability to give? He had no doubt that his brother would make quite the mouthwatering feast, laid out on white linen the same color as his hair, legs spread invitingly.

Vergil licked his lips, suddenly feeling unexpectedly parched.

“I think that is a very graphic thing to say while holding a baby,” Vergil said, trying to banish any of the other thoughts from his mind.

“Oh fuck off.” In an extortionately mature move, Dante stuck his tongue out at his brother. “You were the one who kept asking about my sex life. Besides, we just agreed that he probably can’t understand us yet.”

“Still.”

“Does that convince you, then? Because I can try to paint a more vivid picture. I’m not ashamed, I just assumed that as my brother, you might not want to hear all the details of my sex life. We can get into it though if you’re so desperate to learn.”

“So, the baby is unlikely to be yours.” Vergil continued, ignoring Dante’s offer. “That does not prove that it was mine. It could be a random demon baby.”

“Why would it be on my doorstep if it wasn’t related to either of us?” Dante’s initial line of question reoccurred to him. “Actually, why were you on my doorstep to begin with?”

“I had something made and needed a place for it to be delivered,” Vergil said, taking a nonchalant sip of coffee. “As I move around a lot, I thought this was as good a place as any to have it sent. Provided that you weren’t foreclosed on.”

Dante narrowed his eyes, suddenly very suspicious of his brother’s supposed ‘intelligence.’

“Was the thing that you ordered a baby?”

“Of course not, you utter fool.” Vergil had to make a fist to stop himself from hitting his brother. He normally wouldn’t bother resisting, but it probably would be such a good idea to hit someone while they were holding a baby. “This is obviously some sort of hideous joke.”

“How long ago was this deal made?”

Vergil considered for a moment. “Six months ago?”

“Six… wait, that doesn’t make sense.”

“What?”

“Babies take nine months to make, dipshit.”

“Thus, it cannot be mine. As I said, I did not ask for a baby.”

“Well, what did you ask for?” God, Dante had forgotten just how annoying talking to his brother could be. 

“A weapon.”

“Well, have you checked the basket at least? Maybe there’s some sort of explanation. Maybe the baby turns into a devil arm or something.” 

Vergil went over and brought the basket back to the couch, balloons bumping against his shoulder. He fished around in the fabric before pulling out a rumpled, but otherwise unopened envelope.

“Sweet, there’s a letter. Think it’s from the mother?” 

Dante tried to peer over Vergil’s shoulder as his brother opened the envelope and scanned the page inside. He couldn’t quite read it before Vergil crumbled the note in his palm though.

“Hey! I didn’t get to read it!”

“This is obviously some sort of sick joke,” Vergil ground out between clenched teeth. For the first time since he had arrived, he was actually starting to look genuinely angry. 

“Why? What does it say?” Dante kicked at his brother’s ankle. 

Glaring in return, Vergil unfolded the paper and read aloud, irritation obvious in his voice.

“ You asked for power and here it is. There is nothing more powerful than the power of love, and what could be better than that of a parent for their child? ”

Dante was laughing before Vergil even finished reading. “Wait, did you have sex with a love doctor?”

“Hardly.” Vergil crumpled the paper once again and shoved it into his pocket. “I exchanged some of my demonic essence in a jar for something made attuned to me. I did not imagine she would use it like this though.”

Dante balked at his brother’s statement.

“You gave her a cup of your cum and are now surprised to be holding a baby?”

“If I meant semen, I would have said that,” Vergil snapped. “As you should know, demonic essence is part of a demon’s power, almost like a soul that can be replenished. She was supposed to craft me a weapon only I can use. Not this.”

“Wait,” Dante said, eyes lit with glee, “does that mean you have a kid without even getting to have sex? Cause that’s pretty fucking funny.”

“Nothing about this situation is amusing in the slightest.”

“Well, you’re absolutely wrong there.” Dante had to make a concentrated effort to keep from further laughing in Vergil’s face. “Come on, it could be worse.”

“I cannot imagine how it might be worse than this.”

“Aw, I think he’s kinda cute.” Dante brought the baby up near his face to rub his nose against the child’s. The baby giggled in his arms, squirming just a little.

“Then you can have him.”

“Oh no,” Dante shot his brother a look, “you’re not pawning off your weird demon essence baby onto me. He can stay here, but you sure as hell are staying to take care of him as well. I’m not becoming a single teen parent to a baby that isn’t even mine. You made this mess, now you gotta lay in it.”

“Fine, I will stay until I can get this all sorted.” Vergil crossed his arms, looking annoyed but resigned. “I suppose if he is the result of my dealings with the witch, this does make sense with his age though. He was likely created, not birthed.”

“Weird.” Dante poked at the baby's cheek curiously. “What are you going to name him?”

“Why should I name it?”

“We can’t just keep calling him ‘the baby.’ Or worse—what you’ve been calling him which is just ‘it.’ Have a heart, man.”

Vergil scowled, glancing at the blanket wrapped snugly around him.

“Black, then.”

“Nope,” Dante immediately rejected. “We’re not naming your baby ‘Black.’ He’s not a cat.”

“Why do you get an opinion if he is, as you have said, mine?”

“Because someone has to stick up for his better interest, don’t they?”

“Fine.” Vergil paused, taking a moment to think. “Nero then.”

“So black, just in another language.”

“After the Roman emperor.”

“After the famously terrible Roman emperor?”

“If you’re going to reject everything I say, you name it.”

“No! I wasn’t rejecting it. Nero, huh?” Dante poked at the boy’s cheek again. “Do you like that?” The baby giggled and wriggled enough to free his arms. He grabbed Dante with tiny pudgy hands and tried to bite at Dante’s finger with toothless gums.

“He can’t understand us, remember?”

“He laughed! He approves and therefore, so do I.” Dante shook his hair in front of the baby’s face, delighting him as he tried to pull at Dante’s white locks. “Hello little Nero! Welcome to the family.”

It didn’t take long for them to find a routine. 

They started scheduling jobs around each other, making sure that at least one of them was there to watch Nero. They took turns cooking and doing the shopping. Dante’s once baren kitchen was now stuffed with formula and leftovers of actual home cooked meals. His home was relatively clean and bills paid on time.

It was strange, how seamlessly Vergil and Nero had managed to slip into his home and take up all the empty spaces. It seemed like overnight Dante had gone from going to bars, hooking up with strangers, and having a little too much to drink—to figuring out how to mix baby formula, change diapers, and the best ways to lull Nero to sleep. He didn’t exactly dislike the change, but the difference was drastic to be sure. 

Dante found an old twin sized mattress in his attic that was more springs than it was anything else, but worked well enough. They put it in the spare room that had mostly just been collecting devil arms and other random shit that he brought back from jobs. He didn’t really use the room for more than storage, so it wasn’t exactly a huge loss for Vergil to take over the space. They took turns sleeping in the spare room with Nero still cuddled up in his basket, trying to let the other get some sleep. 

Dante found himself buying things he never even thought about, aided by a laptop Vergil had acquired and Dante quickly claimed for himself. Online shopping turned out to be a godsend, especially when it came to all the random things babies apparently needed to survive. 

“So, I’ve been looking it up online,” Dante said, a few weeks after Vergil and Nero had moved in, lounging around in his bedroom with the pair, “and it looks like you’re not supposed to put a baby on their stomach.” 

Dante stretched out on his stomach, propped up on his elbows with his eyes glued to the screen in front of him, taking up most of the room on the bed. Vergil sat at the end of the bed, keeping an eye on Nero who slept beside his uncle, also laying on his stomach.

“Why not?” Vergil asked, prodding at one of Dante’s legs that was pressed against Vergil with a finger until he finally moved it. “You sleep that way and you’re the biggest child I’ve ever seen.”  Dante thought about kicking his brother briefly, before going back to scrolling on the laptop.

“Very funny.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, apparently it can kill them or something. Some sort of curse I guess.”

“Humans are weak. My offspring would never be affected by such a ridiculous curse.” Just the same, Vergil rolled the baby over onto his back. Just in case. “It’s not an issue in the basket, but he is beginning to outgrow it.”

“Yeah, we should probably find a new place for him,” Dante agreed. “Oh, he shouldn’t sleep in the same bed as us though. Apparently there’s a big problem with parents rolling over onto their babies at night.”

“We don’t sleep in the same bed, Dante.” Vergil rubbed his temple, preparing himself for whatever nonsense his brother was no doubt about to reveal.

“Well, we’re about to,” Dante said off handedly, “cause he peed on my spare mattress and I have no idea how to clean it.”

“Dante!” Vergil snapped. 

“What? Just be glad it was only the spare. The queen is still perfectly usable.” Dante demonstrated just how usable it was by spreading out even more, lifting up one foot to rest it straight onto Vergil’s lap.

“That wasn’t what I was concerned about.”

“Oh? Were you wanting to both squeeze onto a twin together?” Dante rolled over to better look at his brother, now putting both feet on Vergil’s thighs. “I mean, I know they’re called twins and all, but I don’t think we would fit very well even with as much as I like to snuggle.”

“Why was he on the bed without a diaper?” 

“I was changing it? Duh?” 

“Why on the bed though?” Vergil asked, patience wearing thin. “Obviously it is something easily ruined.”

“Where else am I supposed to do it?”

“The table?”

“Where we eat? Gross. You better not have been changing him there.” Dante picked up the computer to rest it on his chest, going back to clicking through the pages. “It looks like there are specific little tables you can get. And they are… damn babies are expensive. You really should have saved up before having one.”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“And I didn’t ask to help raise your kid, but you don’t hear me complaining.”

“You whine constantly.”

“Well, you should still be grateful.”

They ended up settling for getting a crib with a removable front that could double as a changing table. It was expensive for sure and they would not be replacing the spare bed for a while, but now that two incomes were being used to pay off Dante’s loans and their living expenses, it didn’t put them as far back as Dante had feared. 

As the owner of the house and the tool box being used, Dante had offered to put the crib together the day that they brought it back from the store. He had slain demons three times his size, survived countless battles, and had even successfully applied for a business loan to buy his shop—a little plywood would be nothing. 

Several hours later, Dante was beginning to regret his hubris.

“What was that crash?” Vergil asked, wandering into the bedroom with Nero tucked against him. It had taken surprisingly little time for it to feel almost like second nature to either of them to carry Nero with them wherever they went.

The scene that greeted him was not exactly what Vergil had been expecting to walk into. He thought he might see Dante having broken something in frustration, or maybe having dropped a piece of wood or two. No, instead Dante appeared to be laying more or less face down on the ground with a toppled, yet still whole crib next to him. To Vergil’s surprise, it was fully assembled. Something about it looked slightly off though. In fact, the more Vergil looked at it, the more wrong it appeared. It was almost as if…

“Don’t laugh at me!” Dante whined from his spot on the floor, face still pressed against the hardwood. “I spent so long on it!” 

Vergil had the hand not holding Nero, clamped over his own mouth, looking desperately at anything other than the travesty that lay before him.

“I’m not—“ Vergil glanced back and immediately had to look away again before he burst out laughing more. “How did this happen?”

“Look, the instructions don’t have words okay? It’s all pictures! It’s easy to get things mixed up!”

“If there are pictures, how did you attach everything upside down?”

“Fuck you is how.” Dante still hadn’t gotten up, but did lift one hand to flip Vergil off. 

Vergil had to take several deep breaths to avoid further laughing at his brother’s failures. Once Vergil had managed to compose himself and Dante had mustered the will to get up off the floor, they switched places. 

Vergil looked down at the mess in front of him, shaking his head sadly. Really, the thing was like a child’s logic puzzle that came with a map on how exactly it was to be put together. It was embarrassing for a relative of his to be unable to do such a simple task.

It was time to show Dante how a true son of Sparda conducted himself.

It took less than an hour before Dante heard his brother’s frustrated cry of, “why isn’t this working?” 

Ah, sweet vindication.

He wasn’t surprised that Vergil had lost his temper. Of the two of them, Vergil had always had the shorter fuse. Even if Dante was the louder of the two, he was much more likely to persist despite all odds.

What did surprise Dante when he walked back into the room, was that the crib was nowhere to be seen. Well, that wasn’t entirely correct—it simply was not in anything like the shape Dante had left it in.

“Did you cut up the crib with Yamato?” Dante asked, more dumbfounded than anything else.

“We will buy a preassembled one,” Vergil dismissed, sheathing his sword. “Obviously these things are made to be impossible to assemble. A horrific example of the greed of capitalism.” 

“I’m not paying for it.” Dante kicked a piece of wood, only a few inches long, out of the entrance to the room. “I wonder if they’ll let us return it if we say we found it like this in the box?”

As it turned out, the store did offer them a full refund when they brought it back the next morning. The employee had been bewildered over how the wood could have possibly been broken like that, but had reasonably assumed that it was some sort of manufacturing error rather than the result of a pissed off devil with a sword. The girl who helped them had been apologetic to the point that Dante had actually started to feel guilty. 

It’s an enormous department store , Dante reminded himself, it’s not going to hurt their bottom line and it’s not like she’s going to get into trouble.

They had a bit of trouble fitting the fully assembled crib into Dante’s car, but after a bit of careful shoving, they managed well enough.

After that, the spare room officially became Nero's room. It took a while to throughly clean it and get rid of anything potentially dangerous, but a neither twin was a stranger to a bit of manual labor. 

Then, Vergil moved fully into Dante's bedroom. They shared a room when they were young, even if they had their own beds back then, so really, it shouldn't be any different than before.

The internet seemed full of information, almost all of which was contradictory. Dante had spent several hours on a parenting website watching in real time as people waged war on whether breast or bottle milk was better for babies. It had been fascinating, though not entirely helpful considering that the twins only really had one of those options available to them. 

Even though the people on the blogs seemed to disagree with each other, there were at least enough people who agreed that Nero was developing at a healthy rate. His tail disappeared after the first few weeks, but the twins were always on lookout for any other obvious inhuman signs. Obviously, Dante left those details out whenever he posted a question.

Nero grew at what seemed to be an impossible rate, though was apparently normal for human babies—at least according to the internet. It seemed like he grew inches over night, getting bigger between blinks. They’d only had him for four months and he was already twice as big as when he had first arrived. At the rate he was going, he’d be all grown up and ready to move out in the blink of an eye. 

The idea that Nero would no longer be in the other room, giggling and excited to show Dante his blocks or whatever new toy they had bought him, made Dante’s chest tight.

Six months into living together, Dante went out to a bar for the first time since Vergil had shown up in his place and turned his world upside down. It had been nice, seeing a few of the bartenders he knew and catching up with other regulars. They had all been pretty unsurprised that Dante had somehow landed himself a kid, but were shocked over the fact that it wasn’t actually Dante’s kid. It would have been insulting if it wasn’t also a little funny. Dante liked women well enough and flirted with them easily, so he couldn’t exactly blame the people who assumed he went home with them as well. 

As the night started to draw on, people coming and going around him, Dante felt the increasing urge to return home. It was ridiculous really. He had told Vergil he would be out late and besides, it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong to begin with. Still, he found that he was having increasingly more trouble paying attention to conversations—his mind continually drifting back to thoughts of Nero and Vergil. 

Vergil would have put Nero down for the night by then and probably gone to bed as well. Had Nero missed him though? What if Nero had been upset that Dante was gone overnight and refused to eat dinner? What if Nero was crying right now and Dante was here, drinking and having fun like a horrible parent?

“You doing alright there kid?” A voice from the otherside of the counter called. Dante looked up, taking a moment to pull his attention back to the present. The asker was Nick, a bartender Dante was reasonably familiar with, but one of the few who worked there that he hadn’t ever hooked up with.

“Huh? Yeah, why?”

“You’ve been staring at your drink like it owes you money. You’re usually five or six in the hole by now and you’ve barely finished one.”

“Oh, you know, gotta watch my spending if I’m gonna help take care of my nephew.” Dante grinned, taking a swing from his drink. He was here to have fun, he shouldn’t be making up imaginary scenarios that served no purpose other than to guilt himself.

“Well, if it’s a matter of money, I don’t mind buying you a drink or two.” There was something in the way Nick said it, a way of drawing out the words and the small smile that accompanied it, that Dante recognized—he was trying to pick Dante up. 

Dante looked at the man, considering. He was tall and beefy, with dark hair and tattoos that swirled down his neck and onto his arms. He wasn’t necessarily Dante’s usual type, though he was far from unattractive. It was honestly surprising he hadn’t ever gone home with the guy before. 

He could change that tonight—go home with this guy and come back in the morning before Nero woke up, just in time to make everyone breakfast. It had been a while since he had gotten laid too, not since before his brother had moved in. There would be nothing wrong with saying yes.

“Nah, thank you though,” Dante said, shaking his head and smiling up at the man. “I gotta help take care of the kid in the morning—can’t be out too late. Besides, I told Vergil that I’d leave before closing so my pretty dress is already getting close to turning back into rags and my coach into a pumpkin.”

Nick shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the rejection. “Vergil?”

“My brother who moved in recently.” Dante smiled, thinking about the family he had waiting for him back home. “He can be a bit annoying, but I’d feel bad if I broke a promise to him. I wouldn’t want to worry him or keep him waiting.”

Nick studied Dante for a moment, looking him up and down before smiling knowingly. “Ah, I see how it is.”

Dante just blinked at that, having no idea where the conversation was suddenly going.

“How what is?”

“Well, it’s not really your brother with the kid, is it?”

“What?” Dante was just further confused now. “I told you, I didn’t get some girl pregnant.”

“No, I believe it’s a guy.” Nick seemed incredibly amused by then. “I just don’t believe he’s actually your brother. You just say his name like someone in love.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I lie and say he was my brother if he wasn’t?”

“Maybe you don’t wanna admit that you like him to yourself.” Nick shrugged. “I don’t know how your brain works kid.”

“That’s stupid, as if I‘m the type of person to be stuck in some sort of denial of my feelings. I know how I feel,” Dante said, downing the rest of his drink in a single swig. “I’m going home.”

“Hey, I don’t mean anything by it,” Nick said, though the grin on his face said the opposite.

“Yeah yeah, I’m sure you don’t find a lot of pleasure in trying to make your patrons question everything about their lives.” Dante sighed dramatically, playing into the role of exasperated customer more than he was necessarily feeling. He dug in his wallet for a few bills and put them on the table. “Keep the change.”

“Have fun playing house with your brother,” Nick called after him. 

“Have fun being a menace to other customers,” Dante called behind himself.

Dante wasn’t drunk by any means, but he was still grateful to have the walk home to think.  It wasn’t like Nick’s comments actually bothered him too much—Dante knew the truth and he wasn’t going to let some guy rattle him. He wasn’t into Vergil, that would just be weird and ridiculous. For one, Vergil was his brother, not to mention incredibly annoying at times. He had a bad temper and jumped to the dumbest conclusions possible. Fuck, Vergil had made a deal with a witch and had accidentally gotten a baby out of it! 

Not that the last thing was really a bad thing of course. Nero had only been in their lives for a short amount of time, but already he couldn’t imagine what life would be like if Vergil ever wanted to move out and take the baby with him. No, ridiculous as it was Nero’s conception was, Dante couldn’t find it in himself to wish it hadn’t happened.

If he was being honest, Vergil really wasn’t that bad either. Sure he could be frustrating to live with at times, but he wasn’t all bad. When Dante had admitted that going through and having to pay all his bills every month stressed him out, Vergil had volunteered to take over their finances so Dante never had to look at them. He remembered the way Dante liked his coffee and the only brand of fertilizer Dante had deemed good enough for his garden. 

Dante couldn’t deny that Vergil also looked pretty cute in the mornings, bleary eyes and with messy hair. It was nice, seeing that soft side of his brother. He liked being able to roll over in the mornings and have Vergil be the first thing he saw. It was comforting knowing that despite the last decade, they were building their family back up. 

However , Dante reminded himself firmly, none of that means I’m in love with him or even attracted to him. I just appreciate having him around.

Yes, that was it—he just missed having a family and there was nothing wrong with that. After all, how could Dante fall for someone who was just so… Vergil ?

That was what was on his mind as he opened the door to his shop as quietly as he could. It wasn’t too late really, barely past midnight, but he hadn’t expected to find Vergil awake, let alone sitting on the couch with a book on his lap. Yet, there he was, the room illuminated by little more than moonlight and the soft glow of a lamp.

“You’re back late,” Vergil observed, closing his book and setting it aside. 

“I said I would be,” Dante replied, a little confused.

“I’m surprised you came home at all. Or alone.”

Ah, so that was what this was about.

“I can go out and have a few drinks without looking to get laid,” Dante rolled his eyes, taking off his boots and hanging up his coat. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“I will not have you bringing home your little playmates while Nero and I reside in your home.”

Dante scoffed at that. That exact sort of behavior was exactly why he could never actually be into Vergil.

“I think you're forgetting an important detail there. Mine. As in, my shop, my rules.” 

Vergil looked entirely unimpressed by Dante’s very reasonable argument. 

“I will not have my son subjected to these strangers you like to spend your time with. Do you really think it wise or even safe to invite them over to where Nero sleeps?”

“What? Afraid you can’t protect him against some measly human?”

“If there is someone I believe to have enough bad luck to accidentally invite a powerful demon home to try to bed, it would be you.”

Dante opened his mouth to retort that such a thing would never, before reconsidering. Not that he had ever done something like that before of course, but there had been one or two humanoid demons he had met that hadn’t been entirely without appeal. Obviously he hadn’t brought any of them back to his home, but he also didn’t need his bed to get laid. Or even a bed at all.

“Fine, fine,” he said instead, “If I wanna get laid, I’ll spend the night at their place instead.” This concession seemed to cause no more comfort to Vergil than the idea of bringing someone home did.

“Do you believe it wise to abandon the shop like that? What if something happens and you are required to look after Nero while I defend us?”

“Fine! Then I won’t stay out all night. I’ll keep to back alley fucks, does that make you happy?”

“How primitive and fitting of you brother, to lay yourself bare outside like some sort of animal.”

“What do you want from me, Vergil?” Dante threw up his hands. He was trying to compromise, he really was. “To just never have sex again?”

“Should you find someone I approve of, I would be happy to give you my blessing.”

“Ugh, you dick head. I’m not running every hook up by you. For one, you don’t actually get to decide who I sleep with. For another, I wouldn’t put it past you to reject everyone out of pettiness.”

“So you wish to prioritize your libido over Nero’s well being?” Vergil asked, not even bothering to defend himself.

Dante ground his teeth for a moment before replying. “Alright, fucking fine. I can wait until he’s older. But if I get irritable from not getting laid, I’m taking that shit out on you.”

“It would be my pleasure to put you in your place, brother.”  Vergil, the fucking bastard, looked incredibly smug to lord such power over Dante. 

Yeah, Dante had been right earlier—he barely even liked having Vergil as a brother, forget anything else.

“It goes both ways though!” Dante pointed a finger in his brother’s face. “You can’t bring anyone over that I don’t approve of! And you're not sticking me with babysitting so you can go try to pick someone up!”

“Please. I can contain myself. I know my duty, unlike you.”

“Oh. So you’re not planning on trying to hit on people and trick them into bed?” 

“Shockingly, sex with random strangers is not nearly so appealing to me as it is to you.”

“Okay then. Good.” Dante made to storm past Vergil to their bedroom, when his brother caught his sleeve, pulling him to a stop.

“Oh, and Dante,” Vergil said, standing up and leaning in mere inches from his brother’s ear. “If I wanted sex, I would not have to trick anyone to get them into my bed. I think you would find, I can be very persuasive.”

Dante swallowed heavily, feeling suddenly very warm. 

Alright, so there might be a little bit of attraction , Dante admitted, if only to himself. 

“Let’s go to bed, brother,” Vergil said, turning his back and going up the stairs.

I’m so fucked, aren’t I? And not even in the fun way.

“Nero,” Dante said, face perfectly serious. “I need your advice.”

“Baba,” Nero burbled back, just as serious.

“You have seen the way your dad acts around me, it has to mean something right?”

Nero chewed thoughtfully on the plastic toy in his hand.

“What should I do?” Dante wined, flopping over onto the bed next to the boy. “I mean, he touched my hair the other day and I just wanted to fucking melt, you know? He’s just so fucking hot, I can’t help it. I want to just jump his goddamn bones. And it isn’t just that I haven’t gotten laid in forever, though I haven’t. It’s also that it’s him, you know?”

Nero looked at him, nodding sagely. 

“Is it narcissistic to say he’s hot? Fuck it, he’s so fucking hot. I wake up in the morning and roll over and have to look at that stupid beautiful face and I just can’t anymore. It’s not even all horny stuff either! I just want to, like, press my face against his face and gross stuff like that!”

Nero reached up and grabbed Dante’s nose, squeezing it and bursting out into a fit of giggles. 

“Come on! If you’re not going to take this seriously, then I’ll go to someone else!” Dante sighed, but sat up and picked the baby back up anyway, bouncing Nero in his arms. “You’re lucky you’re cute and don’t need to pay your way here.”

Nero threw his arms around Dante’s neck, squeezing just a little tighter than what was comfortable.

“Okay, okay, I love you too buddy!” Dante detangled himself from Nero’s surprisingly solid grip. “Wanna go in the air?”

Nero shrieked in delight as Dante tossed him lightly in the air, careful to keep him low enough to avoid hitting the ceiling fan. Spending time with Nero was always a pleasure, even if he didn’t give the more helpful advice. Nero seemed to cause everyone to instantly fall in love with him and was apparently determined to keep the secret of how he did it to himself. Obviously, the kid had to be using some sort of magic.

“He said my name!” Dante yelled, bursting into the kitchen one morning, Nero on his hip.

“I highly doubt that Dante.” Vergil didn’t even bother to turn away from the pan on the stove. 

“I swear, he absolutely did. Do it again.” Nero tucked his face into Dante’s neck, suddenly shy. “It’s okay, you can do it.”

“Don’t force him.”

“It’s okay,” Dante reassured Nero, completely ignoring his brother. “You don’t have to say it in front of your jerk dad.”

“Dante,” Vergil said warningly.

“Dada,” Nero said, giggling. 

“See?” Dante grinned widely at his brother, who on his part raised an eyebrow unimpressed.

“He is obviously trying to say dad. He’s calling for me, not you.”

“No! He’s saying Dante!”

“He’s calling for his father.”

“Do you think he even knows you’re his father?”

“Of course he knows,” Vergil dismissed. “Any son of mine could inherently tell that someone as foolish as you would never be their father.”

“Hey, shove off.” Dante turned back to the toddler in his arms. “Do you want to go to Vergil, little guy? Want Dada to give you to Vergil?” 

Nero clapped his hands, seemingly pleased with the idea. Anytime both twins were paying attention to him at once, he was excited. Nero reached out to his father, fingers flexing, grabbing at the air in the middle of them.

“Mama!” Nero said, straining toward Vergil. Vergil, on his part, froze and glared at Dante who was shaking with laughter.

“You did this.”

“I totally didn’t,” Dante shook his head, trying to contain himself. “I swear to god. It does go to show, Dada was definitely me though. Ah, has victory ever tasted so sweet?”

“I hate you,” Vergil said, taking Nero into his arms.

“You know, it’s probably because you used my name so much. Always ‘Dante this, Dante that.’ It’s not a surprise that he’s picked up on it.”

Dante walked over to lean against Vergil’s back, putting his chin on his brother’s shoulder to watch him cook.

“That means it is a failure on your part to not teach him what to call me,” Vergil replied, elbowing Dante to give him space.

“Alright then, if Mama is out of the picture, and he already associates Dada with me, what are you suggesting he call you? Cause I gotta tell you, ‘Vergil’ is probably gonna be a little hard on the guy.”

“Do not be ridiculous. My son shall not call me by my first name, I would never tolerate such rudeness.”

“Fine,” Dante leaned forward so that he was at eye level with his nephew. “Hey Nero, do you wanna say hi to Papa? Can you say Papa?”

“Oh, so you’ve decided on what my own son should call me?”

“It’s what we called dad when we were young, figured I’d go back to our roots. Why? Got a better suggestion? I think he might be a little too young to pronounce father.”

Vergil curled his nose at the comment, annoyed that he didn’t in fact have a better suggestion. “Papa will suffice for now.”

“Good. So I’m Dada and you’re Papa.” Dante grinned up at his twin. “I like it, it kinda feels like we’re both his dad.”

“Should he be calling you that?” It actually brought up a point that Vergil had been wondering about for a while. “You are his uncle after all, it would likely only confuse him as he grows up.”

“What? I let you two move in and do half the work to raise him and don’t even get to be called dad? That doesn’t seem very fair.”

Vergil considered the point. Nero seemed to be able to tell them apart well enough, it shouldn’t actually be that big of a deal if he got confused who his actual father was.

“You’re allowed to keep the name if you continue to keep half the responsibility for him as well,” he relented.

“Obviously. Can’t let you go around corrupting him.”

“If any one of us would be corrupting him, it would be you.”

“Ha!” Dante leaned against the counter, smiling at the pair. “You know, this whole thing makes me feel like a married couple picking out what our kids should call us.”

“I pity whoever would marry you.”

“Oh please, you wish you could be so lucky as to get a catch like me. Besides, if you think being around me full time, raising a kid with me, and sleeping in my bed is so terrible, you got a funny way of sharing it Papa .”

Put like that, it did almost sound as if they were married. 

“Dant—“

“Papa!” Nero said, repeating after Dante, clapping his hands together. Vergil felt an unexpected lump in his throat. His son, for the first time, had called to him. 

“See? He likes it already.”

“Papa,” Nero said, right before trying to stuff half of Vergil’s collar into his mouth, slightly ruining the moment.

“Take him back, I’m trying to cook.” 

“Wanna come back to Dada?”

“Dada,” Nero parroted, before shaking his head and squeezing around Vergil’s neck. “Papa.”

“Ah, look, he loves you. At least your son can be honest about how he feels,” Dante teased. “Move over, let me finish cooking. It seems like Nero wants you to play with him.”

“Don’t burn anything,” Vergil said, handing over the spatula and taking a step back.

“I’ll do my best, Daddy.” Dante was obviously just trying to rile Vergil up, which it did, though perhaps not in the way had intended. Something entirely different from irritation burned in him at hearing Dante call him that. He didn’t hate it.

“As long as you know your place.”

“And what are you going to do if I don’t?” Dante grinned, still trying to find a button or two to push.

“I’ll just have to teach you a lesson, won’t I? Bad boys get punished.”

For some reason, Dante went red at that, quickly turning back to the stove.

“Just go play with Nero, I’ll call you when it’s done.”

“Your uncle is incredibly perplexing, did you know that Nero?” Vergil asked. 

Nero looked up from where he was playing with his blocks on the floor, attention drawn by the sound of his father’s voice. 

“He seems to constantly want my attention, and then as soon as I turn it on him, he shies from it. Wherever he got this ridiculousness from, I truly do not know. Just the other day, he came back from a long job and I had been so thoughtful as to have run a bath for him. He seemed to appreciate that and even accepted my offer to wash his hair, but then started to panic when I began disrobing to join him. He loved it when we were children, I simply do not understand the difference now.”

Nero picked up one of the small wooden blocks and handed it to Vergil, as if to console him.

“Thank you,” Vergil said, taking the block instinctually. “So you think presents would be the way to go? Perhaps you are right, I am simply not giving him the sort of attention he craves. Though it has always been my company he has sought in the past, perhaps now he wishes for something different.” 

The idea both comforted and irritated Vergil. On one hand, it provided a potential solution for Dante’s recent caginess. On the other hand, the thought of Dante wanting anything other than Vergil’s company and didn’t appreciate the company, was incredibly irksome. Well, Dante certainly wasn’t going to get any presents without Vergil there to soak in the praise.

“You have been a tremendous help,” Vergil said, leaning over and kissing his young son on top of the head. “I expect nothing less from a son of mine.” 

Nero giggled, always enjoying his father’s attention. He crawled closer, haphazardly depositing himself into Vergil’s lap.

“Alright child, now show me what you’ve been building with these blocks of yours. I am sure it is a masterpiece befitting the Sparda name.”

“Um, Vergil?” Dante sounded cautious, which in Vergil’s opinion was incredibly unfair. “What is this?”

“They’re seeds.” Vergil rolled his eyes. “I thought you enjoyed gardening. You should be able to recognize some seeds.”

“Why are they scattered across the dining room table?”

“Throw them away if you don’t want them.”

“No, I’ll take them,” Dante pulled out his t-shirt, attempting to sweep the pile onto the basket he made with it. “Um, thanks, I guess?”

“You’re welcome.”

It had been a long day. Dante had gone out on a job, which was supposed to only take an afternoon, but had quickly gotten more complicated and had stretched out into two days of almost nonstop fighting. The shower he had taken when he got home had been a godsend. Since Vergil had moved in, he had taken over managing their finances and now the shop not only consistently had electricity and running water, but hot water. 

Finished with his near boiling shower, all Dante wanted to do was collapse facedown into bed and not move for at least twelve hours. That plan was put on hold though, when he opened the bedroom door.

“Vergil?” Dante froze at the sight of his brother, lounging on the bed.

“Yes?” He replied, not bothering to look up from his book.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to bed.” Vergil looked over from where he sat in the bed, sheets covering his legs, leaning against the headboard. “Nero is asleep so I thought we ought to turn in early while we have the chance.”

“Yeah, that’s fine and I agree.”

“What’s the problem then?” 

“The problem is, why are you naked?”

“I’m hardly naked, Dante,” Vergil scoffed, turning his attention back to the book. “I’m wearing underwear.”

“But like, nothing else?” Dante asked. 

“Nero spit up on me and I had to put my pajamas in the wash.”

“Okay, but it’s also not like you don’t have other clothes to change into.”

“It is a warm night and you have no air conditioning, I thought this would be the best thing to do. Besides, you run hot anyway and tend to make both of us sweat through our pajamas—I simply did not want to dirty another pair.”

“I see.” It wasn’t a bad argument, though Dante still needed to find a way to break it.

“You should probably do the same actually.”

“What? No!”

“Of course you should.” Vergil set his book aside, moving the rest of the way under the thin summer sheets. “It’s only logical, Dante. How did you sleep before when it was hot?”

Dante flushed slightly before answering. “I mean, I usually just always sleep naked.”

“Then you should be used to it. If you desire, you can continue to sleep as you previously did.” Vergil made the offer as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As if it was only logical for Dante to strip completely naked before crawling into bed next to his brother.

“I’m not sleeping naked in the same bed as you, Vergil.”

“Have it your way. You should still undress though. You run very warm.” 

“Fucking fine,” Dante said, stripping his shirt off and dropping his pants before he could think better of it. At least he had started to wear underwear consistently since Vergil moved in him 

Well, this is going to be a long fucking night . 

Despite how tired he was, Dante lay awake, staring up at the ceiling. First it was due to the knowledge that Vergil lay next to him, a handful of inches and a pit of fabric the only thing that separated them. All he needed to do was reach over and he could feel his brother’s bare chest. He could slide his hand down those abs and down further. He could so easily explore the body of the person he thought about in the shower. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.

After a while though, those nerves faded somewhat and his insomnia was simply due to his mind wandering. 

His thoughts turned to the conversation he had with that bartender a few months before. Since then, he had been able to admit that yes, he did find Vergil attractive. He had touched himself while thinking about his twin too many times to pretend that he didn’t. And yes, maybe he did feel more for his brother than was normal, both physically and emotionally. 

He hadn’t been totally lying to himself either though. Dante really did appreciate having Vergil there just for the enjoyment of being around him again. For a decade they had been apart and now he got to experience the joy of having his brother back. These other feelings didn’t negate how much he had missed his brother and no matter what else they were to each other, Vergil would always be his brother—a beloved and sometimes bizarre reflection of himself.

“Vergil?” Dante whispered, a good hour after they had laid down together, staring up at the dark ceiling.

“What?” His brother replied, laying on his side, back to Dante.

“Are you still awake?”

“No.”

“Yes you are.”

“I’m trying to sleep.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry.” Dante rolled over, away from his brother. He should really just go to sleep.

There was silence. Then, Vergil let out a deep sigh.

“Well, what was it?” 

“What was what?”

“What did you want to say?”

“Nothing really.”

“Obviously it was something.”

“It was just… I don’t know, it was stupid.”

“Dante.”

“I guess I was just gonna say, this is kinda nice, isn’t it?”

“This weather? It’s terrible.”

“Not the weather. The weather sucks ass and not even in a fun way.” Dante breathed a small laugh. “No, I mean the other stuff.”

“It’s too late to deal with your rambling. Just say what you mean.”

“We don’t need to go into it really. All I mean is that I’ve actually really liked having you and Nero here. It’s nice, waking up to someone everyday who wants to see me, having a purpose to my days. It feels like a real family.” There was quiet for a long moment until Dante broke it with an awkward chuckle. “That probably sounds stupid. Never mind, forget I said anything. I—oh.” Dante was cut off by Vergil suddenly rolling over and wrapping an arm around Dante’s middle, curling around his back.

“Shut up, Dante.”

“Sorry, I—“

“Nero and I are your family. You are my brother and Nero is my son. There’s no ‘like’ about it. Even if we were not related, were you not the one who pointed out that our lives bear little difference to any other set of parents raising a child together?”

“Oh.”

“Now go to sleep. It’s late and I’m tired. If Nero wakes up, you’re getting up to check on him.”

“Okay.” 

Vergil didn’t release Dante then. Instead he squeezed a little tighter, scooted forward so that he was flush against Dante’s back, their bare skin sticking slightly in the summer heat. 

“Good.” 

Dante stayed awake far after Vergil had fallen asleep, thinking only of the soft puffs of air on the back of his neck and the word ‘family.’ It was a long night indeed.

“Vergil!” Dante hollered from his spot, sitting on the kitchen.

“Don’t scream,” Vergil chided, entering the room, “you’ll wake up Nero from his nap.” 

“Nero doesn’t wake up if you turn on the blender, I’m sure a slightly raised voice isn’t going to do fuck all.”

“What is it, Dante?” Vergil asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. “It is bad enough to have to take care of one child, I do not need two to have to deal with.”

“It’s not my fault I need your help, you locked all of our fucking cabinets with these weird ass contraptions.”

“They are called ‘baby locks.’ Meaning anyone older than a toddler should be able to open them.” Vergil eyed his brother, sitting on the floor and pulling on a cabinet door to no avail. “Or at least, anyone with the intelligence above a toddler’s.”

“I resent that!” Dante said, continuing to tug. It wasn’t quite the problem of just getting it open, he could just pull the door off of course, but he preferred to open it in a way that would not lead to a lecture from Vergil about breaking household objects.

“You simply…” Vergil said, leaning over and pressing down on a little bar Dante hadn’t noticed before. Suddenly, the door came flying open under Dante’s yanking, sending him sprawling across the floor.

“Ow! Fuck man, warn a guy first!”

“How you managed to survive a day—let alone a decade—on your own, continues to shock me.”

“You’re a dick,” Dante said, grabbing a kitchen towel and throwing it at his brother. It bounced uselessly off Vergil’s chest. 

“If you’re done being a child, I’m going to go check that you didn’t wake up the actual baby.”

Dante watched as his brother left the room. Vergil really was a bastard sometimes. 

“Oh, and Dante,” Vergil called over his shoulder, “I ordered takeout from that pizza place you like. Keep an eye out for them?”

God, Dante loved him.

“I’m leaving,” Vergil announced one morning, nearing one year since he had moved in. Dante didn’t even look up from where he was trying to spoon applesauce into an uncooperative Nero’s mouth. For his part, Nero seemed to be more interested in trying to grab the applesauce off the spoon to squish between his fingers, rather than actually eat the stuff.

“How long this time?”

“Perhaps a two or three days, but the job shouldn’t take longer than that.”

“Sounds good. Alright Nero, time to say bye bye.”

Nero looked up from where he was sitting in Dante’s lap, reaching up and waving with an open hand. “Bye bye!”

“I’ll be back soon,” Vergil said, leaning down to kiss his son on the forehead. He didn’t know when it had started, but it had become part of the routine, to kiss his son goodbye. What was not part of the routine was what happened next. 

It wasn’t uncommon for Vergil to kiss Dante on the cheek or forehead when leaving, often seeming to do so on autopilot rather than anything else. This time though, Dante had turned his head, about to ask his brother something and instead of his cheek, Vergil’s lips landed on Dante’s slightly parted ones. Vergil should have pulled away then, was obviously about to, when Dante made a sound in the back of his throat, leaning forward just a little as Vergil pulled back. Vergil parted his lips just a little, pressing back against Dante, undeniably kissing back. It lasted barely a moment, but in that moment their lips slid against each other’s, more than what could have reasonably been called a simple accident. 

Then, with two slices into the air, Vergil had opened a portal and stepped through, leaving a stunned Dante sitting frozen, Nero in his lap.

“What,” Dante muttered aloud, “the fuck just happened?” 

Dante was only allowed about a minute of stunned silence before Nero started giggling.  

“Don’t laugh at me!” Dante said, frowning at the baby in his lap. This only served to make Nero laugh harder though. “Nero! You’re not supposed to laugh at me! Something major just happened! I need help dealing with it, not bullying!”

On the other side of the portal, Vergil’s brain was slowly catching up with his actions. 

He had kissed Dante. How strange. He hadn’t meant to, or at least hadn’t thought about it, though he didn’t find that he regretted it. It had been pleasant, if brief. 

Vergil brought a hand up to his mouth, touching his lips. What would it feel like to do it again? 

Why he had done it was clear. Obviously, some part of him had wanted to, subconscious as the desire might have been. Some deep part of him wanted to kiss Dante, and so he had. 

Thinking about it, Vergil couldn’t find fault with the desire. Dante was objectively attractive after all. Of course, being twins, they both were, but looking at Dante felt different than looking in the mirror. He didn’t feel the need to reach out and touch the mirror the way he did with Dante. His own undressed reflection didn’t draw his attention the way Dante’s did whenever his brother walked around barely clothed.

He enjoyed when Dante would roll over at night and rest his head on Vergil’s chest, wrapping around his waist. Each time he left, Vergil looked forward to coming back home to his brother and to spending each of their days together. And now that they had kissed, Vergil found that he wanted to do a rather lot more of that. 

It wasn’t just the physical though. He found fulfillment in brother’s presence in a way that he couldn’t fathom finding in another. Why would Vergil ever seek companionship in a stranger, when his brother was right there?

I suppose , Vergil thought, this must be what it is like to love someone. 

He was surprisingly calm about the realization. Though he had never considered a romantic relationship with anyone else before, the idea of entering into one with Dante seemed right—as if that was where they had been heading all of their lives. 

Now, all he needed to do was convince Dante of that. The task could prove difficult if Dante didn’t realize that the two of them being together made such obvious sense, or if he insisted on clinging to some human sensibilities. No matter, Dante would see reason, even if it took awhile. For now though, Vergil needed to finish his work and get back home. 

Perhaps the couple days the job was supposed to take was a blessing in disguise. It certainly gave him time to plan his method of attack.

Dante spent the rest of the day in a haze, unable to pull his mind away from what had happened.

“Like, what does this mean?” He asked Nero later as he allowed his nephew to use his legs race tracks for his toy cars. “He’s kissed my forehead before when he wasn’t really focused after he kissed yours, but he’s never actually kissed me. Like on the mouth. What does it mean? Is it just platonic? Because some people do that, kissing platonically, even if we never have. Is it that? Is he trying to say that he wants to be closer as brothers? Or does he actually, you know, like me? What if he’s actually interested?”

Dante continued his consulting of his nephew’s opinion throughout the day.

“Nero,” Dante whined as he gave the boy a bath later that night, “what if I try to start something and he turns me down? He already thinks I’m some sort of horny sex goblin—if I hit on him when he’s not even interested, that could be the end! Even if he didn’t just take you and leave, there’s no way he would ever respect me again. God, I can’t imagine how low his opinion of me would be if I tired to fuck him and he wasn’t interested. It’s not starting from a good place anyway, there’s not a lot of room for it to fall!”

Nero, for his part, seemed indifferent to his uncle’s suffering and simply played in the bath, splashing around and seemed intent on annihilating any bubbles he found.

Vergil took a deep breath before opening the portal. He had spent the entire three days he was gone planning what he was going to say. He had thought out any argument Dante might have and the reasoning behind why none of them mattered—he was ready to deal with this. 

As soon as he stepped into the shop though, any plan he had flew out the window. 

What he was greeted with was not what he was expecting. Wailing was coming from upstairs, the likes of which he had never heard before. Despite his usually happy demeanor, Nero was still a baby and of course cried occasionally. Never in such a way though, as if in genuine agony. 

“Vergil?” Dante sounded desperate, appearing at the top of the stairs with eyes wide and clutching Nero to his chest. “Oh thank god you’re back.”

“What’s happened?” Vergil asked, ascending the stairs as fast as he could. 

“I don’t know.” Dante’s voice shook a little with panic. “He’s really hot. I think he might be running a fever? I don’t remember either of us ever getting sick though so I don’t know what’s happening.” He turned frightened eyes on his brother. “What if I did something Vergil? What if I—”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Vergil replied automatically. He reached out and touched Nero’s forehead, surprised to find that it really was worryingly hot. They could withstand temperatures humans couldn’t, but he had no way of knowing if that ability carried over to heat coming from within. Besides, Nero was only a baby, who knew how much he could tolerate?

“Should we take him to a hospital?” Dante asked.

“How long has he been like this?”

“Two days? It wasn’t that bad in the beginning, but for the past few hours he’s been inconsolable. He seems like he’s really suffering. What do we do?”

Vergil was torn. He was reluctant to trust a human doctor, both because the majority of humans were idiots and that their hybrid physiology meant that it was likely the doctor would be utterly unable to help. He also knew that simply waiting it out and hoping for the best probably wasn’t the answer either. 

“I think we might need to take him to the doctor,” Vergil said after a long moment of deliberation. “If there’s even a small chance that they can—“ 

Before Vergil could finish his thought though, Nero made a noise, the type that was usually followed by spitting up. With practiced movements, Dante lifted the baby to rest against his shoulder and chest, rubbing Nero’s back soothingly. Instead of a drool or spit-up spilling out of Nero’s mouth and onto the back of Dante’s shirt, a literal ball of fire shot out past Dante’s shoulder, flying down the empty hall, dissipating just before it hit the far wall. Both twins froze, looking between the hall, each other, and the baby who had just breathed fire.

“Did he really just—“ Dante started.

“Yes.” 

“Did you know he could—“

“No.”

“When we were babies, did we—“

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think we can—”

“I’ve never tried.”

“Well neither have I, but I sure as hell am going to now.” Dante turned his attention fully back to Nero and reached up to feel his forehead again. For his part, Nero’s wailing had quieted into quiet hiccuping sobs. 

“How is he?” Vergil asked, reaching forward to check as well.

“He’s cooler.” The relief in Dante’s voice was echoed in his posture, tension draining from him and looking like he was near collapsing. “Thank god.”

“Let me hold him.” Dante relinquished Nero easily, sinking down against the wall all the way to sit on the floor as soon as Vergil had Nero fully. 

“Fucking hell, I thought I had fucked up majorly or something.” Dante huffed an exhausted laugh. “Turns out he just had some fiery burps to get out. All in a day’s work of raising a nonhuman baby I guess.”

“Even if that hadn’t been the case, I’m sure it wouldn’t have been your fault,” Vergil tried to reassure him. “You could never intentionally do Nero harm.”

“Maybe, but my fuckups aren’t usually intentional, okay?” Dante buried his face in his hands. “I just couldn’t stop thinking, what if I hurt him or something? When if I did something stupid and didn’t even notice? What if I ruined his life and he was permanently fucked up or worse because of my actions?”

Vergil knelt down in front of Dante, pulling one of his hands away from his face. Dante’s face was red and blotchy, tears rolling down his cheeks. His stuttering breath matched that of the child resting against Vergil’s shoulder.

“None of those things happened though,” Vergil said. “Nero is safe. He is happy and healthy, in no small part thanks to you. I know you and you could never do anything to hurt him.”

“But what if—“

“No,” Vergil cut him off before he could spiral. “Never.” Then, because it felt right and because he wanted to, Vergil leaned in and kissed Dante. The kiss tasted like salt from Dante’s tears, but also like a promise. Dante pressing closer, kissing back.

Like the first one, this one didn’t last too long either. After they broke apart though, Vergil didn’t leave. Instead he let Dante lay his head on his other shoulder, waiting as his family dried their tears on his shirt.

Two days later, the twins collapsed on the couch together, exhausted. Nero’s fever had broken that first night, but it had still taken a while for the fiery burps to subside, meaning that one of them had to be carrying him at all times to keep from any furniture going up in flames. Even despite their best efforts, a few walls bore scorch marks. Dante’s hair had been slightly singed after the first fireball and he had to resort to tying the top part up and out of the way to avoid further fire damage. It had been hours since the last one though and they had been reasonably sure that it was over and safe to leave Nero sleeping in his crib. 

“Fuck,” Dante rested his head against the wall behind the couch, “all I want to do is sleep for a year.”

“I will not allow you to shirk all childcare duties for an entire year.”

Dante thought about retorting that Nero technically wasn’t his kid and so not his responsibility, but the words felt wrong even just thinking them. Yeah, Nero had been created without his involvement, but that felt so inconsequential by now. Nero was his just as much as he was Vergil’s, Dante couldn’t deny that anymore. If anything, his unorthodox creation made who his technical “father” was, feel inconsequential. 

“We could take turns you know,” Dante said instead. “I’d let you nap for a year if you would let me.”

“I cannot imagine anything more horrifying than waking up only to find out that you’ve taught our son your bad habits.” 

The “our” made Dante’s chest tighten.

“Come on,” Dante knocked Vergil’s thigh with his knee, “just admit it; you’d miss me too much if you didn’t get to hang out with me for a year.”

Vergil rolled his head on the back of the couch to look at his brother.

“Of course I would. You are the closest person to me—that has learned to speak at least.”

“Oh.” Dante hadn’t been expecting the sudden honesty.

“Is that so wrong?”

“No, that’s fine. I, uh, I think I might go check on Nero actually. Haven’t heard anything from him in a few minutes.” Dante stood up, hoping to make a quick retreat, but was stopping by Vergil’s hand on his wrist. 

“Running away?”

“What? No, why would I do that? I’m just going to check on Nero.”

“If you wish to, I will not stop you,” Vergil said. “Though, we could also use the time doing far more entertaining things than watching him sleep.”

“What are you suggesting?” Dante narrowed his eyes, suspicious of whatever Vergil might be trying to get him to do. If it was talking about feelings or whatever, then he would absolutely rather stare at Nero’s sleeping face.

“I’m suggesting this,” Vergil replied, tugging Dante closer. Dante allowed himself to be moved, and ended up nearly falling on top of Vergil. Vergil wrapped his hands around Dante’s thighs, pushing and pulling until Dante had more or less settled on his lap, knees on the couch on either side of Vergil’s thighs. 

“In the mood for me to sit on your lap?” Dante hoped his laugh wasn’t quite as nervous sounding as he suspected it was. “I have to warn you, I’m quite a bit heavier than Nero.”

“I’m in the mood for this.” Vergil reached up, cupping Dante’s face and bringing them together. It was slow, giving Dante all the time he might want to stop what was obviously happening. He didn’t.

Instead, he let himself be kissed, mouth opening when Vergil licked along the seam of his lips. Dante gave in for a moment, kissing back and leaning in close before pulling away.

“If this is just you being horny, I need to know,” Dante said. “Cause I don’t know if I could handle being fuck buddies or whatever and then you up and leaving if you meet someone you actually like.”

“I’m not going to leave,” Vergil said, pressing another kiss to Dante’s lips. “I will be by your side for as long as you will have me.”

“I’m not going to let you go, I’m warning you now.”

“Consider me warned then,” Vergil said before leaning forward and pressing another kiss to Dante’s lips. 

If they hadn’t already been up for several days in a row and had more energy, they might have done more. For now though, Dante was happy pressing down against his brother, rolling his hips to grind against each other while they made out. It wasn’t exactly going to get either of them to cum, but they didn’t need to for this to feel important. Just being here, being close, was what mattered. Instead of jumping into bed, they let themselves lounge on the couch, making out like the teenagers that they still were. It felt indulgent to touch each other in this way with no specific goal in mind other than to enjoy the fact that after all that time, they had finally gotten there.

After what felt like both no time and an eternity of lazy kisses, they were brought back to reality by a loud crash upstairs. There was a squeal of delight from the other room and the twins barely had time to share a look before they were up and running to the bedroom. 

“Fuck, he better not have lit the crib on fire,” Dante said as they burst through the open door.

Surprisingly, nothing was on fire in the bedroom, which was good, though the crib was toppled over onto its side. The even more surprising thing was being greeted by their baby, giggling away, as he hovered at eye level, enormous blue, spectral wings keeping him aloft. It wasn’t that he was flying—rather part of his wing seemed to form some sort of claw, one of which was gripping the ceiling fan and causing him to slowly spin in a circle. The other one was hanging down and had no doubt been what caused the crib to topple over.

“I think we might need to look for a crib with a lid,” Dante said, dumbfounded, slowly moving closer in case Nero suddenly let go of the fan.

Almost as soon as he spoke, Nero let out a cough and a small ball of flame fell from his mouth, lighting the wood of his crib ablaze.

“A metal one,” Vergil agreed. “One that can’t be so easily destroyed.”

TWENTY YEARS LATER

Classic rock blared from Nero’s phone, echoing under the van and damn well nearly deafening him. Shit, he always always forgot how loud it was if someone called while he was working under it.

He rolled out, into the garage and answered the phone, not bothering to check caller ID. There were only two people who would think that it was totally normal to call someone before noon on a Sunday.

“Hey kiddo!” Dante’s voice was a little tiny, meaning that Nero was probably on speaker phone. God, Nero hated it when he did that; it usually led to Dante walking around and the mic missing half of what he said. Even if his parents were still relatively young to have a twenty yearold kid, they could still act so old sometimes. “How’s it going?”

“I’m fine, just trying to figure out what’s wrong with the van now . What’s up?”

“Listen,” Dante started in the tone of voice that always meant he was about to ask a favor, “your father decided to be a dick last night and locked all the cabinets again cause I was out a little late.”

“Oh god, did you two have a fight? What’s broken?”

“No, we’re fine, he was just being petty. Anyway I can’t get them open now and I refuse to ask him. Do you mind coming over and helping me out?”

“Really? You’re really going to call and ask your grown ass son to drive over and open a cabinet for you?”

“Oh come on! I’ll make dinner! Whatever you want.” 

Nero bit his lip, considering. On one hand, Dante really needed to learn how to deal with babylocks already. On the other hand, it would mean he didn’t have to cook tonight.

“Fine. I want a pot roast.”

“Pot roast it is!”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a few hours. Gotta wrap up a few things.”

“Think you can get here by six? I can have the food ready by then.”

Looking over at the van, Nero weighed the likelihood of being able to fix it by then.

“Probably.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you then. Bye kiddo, drive safe.”

“Will do, bye dad.”

“Love you!” Dante called, sounding a little further away now. No doubt he had gone over to the fridge to look for ingredients.

“Learn how to open baby locks, old man!” Nero laughed, hanging up the phone. God, his parents were so embarrassing sometimes.

“Nero’s coming for dinner?” Vergil asked, going into the kitchen.

“That he is,” Dante said, grabbing a fork from the silverware drawer and closing it, making sure to click the lock back into place.

“You know, someday he is going to figure that you are perfectly capable of opening and closing the babylocks.”

“What?” Dante batted his eyelashes. “You don’t believe in my acting skills?”

“I believe our son’s blind trust in your terrible acting skills is becoming worrisome. Also, the continued blaming of me might eventually lead me to actually doing something petty.”

“Fine, fine,” Dante said, grabbing his plate off the counter and bringing it to the table. “Next time I’ll just invite him over like normal. You really like to ruin my fun, don’t you?”

Vergil’s eyes narrowed on the plate as Dante took his first bite. “What are you eating?”

“Chocolate cake?” he said between mouthfuls. “It’s good, you want some?”

“At seven in the morning?”

“Yeah, I was hungry.” Dante shrugged, taking another bite. Vergil just sighed, rubbing his temples.

“You are tragic.”

“Dude, I’ve seen you crack a raw egg into your mouth. You have no room to talk.”

“It’s efficient.” 

“And disgusting.”

“Eating half of an entire chocolate cake at seven in the morning is disgusting. You’re forty, not forteen.”

“You love me anyway.” 

“Perhaps,” Vergil said, going over and tilting Dante’s chin up with his finger. He leaned over and pressed a kiss against his brother's lips, taking Dante’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugging lightly. Dante dropped his fork, eagerly kissing back. Vergil licked his lips when he pulled back, a satisfied smirk on his face. “I will admit, it is good chocolate.”

“Wait,” Dante called as Vergil left the room, “you’re not kissing me like that and then just leaving!”

“I never said you couldn’t follow me,” Vergil tossed over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around. “You’re not bringing the cake though.”

Dante looked down at the cake in front of him, considering for just a moment. Well, cake could wait. He had better things to do right now and his brother had never been the most patient person.