Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leonardo never messed up. Well, in his opinion. If you asked his brothers maybe they’d have a different story. Time after time after agonizing time he’d find some way to point out what he did wasn’t his fault. Like a nearby unsuspecting bystander or a ‘distracting ray of light.’ Anything that would take the blame off of him.

He couldn’t bear it, to be frank. Mikey’s frown, Donnie’s disappointed head shake, Ralph’s hurt expression… Those were too much to handle. That’s why Leo prided himself on his excellence. Because he wanted to be something his brothers could be proud of. Not just some fuck up who couldn’t even do a mission by himself. He could! He really could! There were just a few complications! Yeah right. Another bullshit lie to cover up his own failure. He knew this. He knew he was just constantly spewing lies to make up for his lack of self-confidence. He told himself he could do anything he put his mind to. Whether it be to break the pizza box record- currently held by Leo himself- or fight off a world ending species, he could do it. Totally. Yeah. Definitely.
So why was he so scared? Scared to admit that maybe he wasn’t perfect. Maybe he wasn’t fearless. Maybe he had flaws, just like the rest of them. Failure wasn’t an option to Leonardo. So you can imagine the impact he felt when he goofed up one of the biggest missions they had. Aside from the Kraang, that is. How hard could it have been to keep an eye out for one person? Just one singular individual and he couldn’t even do that.

Boy, his brothers had been furious. Beyond mad. Leo stared between the three of them, afraid to even open his mouth. Instead, he hung his head low and left. They probably thought he went to his room. Good, he didn’t want to be followed anyway. Normally on chilly nights like this he’d enjoy the walk up to his favorite building. A particularly tall one that rivaled even the clouds in height. He often found himself here when he needed to clear his head. But tonight however, he didn’t even feel like enjoying the walk. His thoughts were so hazy, clouded with the echoing words of disappointment from his brothers. He really didn’t care if anyone saw him out in the open. It didn’t matter anyway. Leo felt so insignificant that he hardly noticed the few strange stares he got.

Getting to the roof of said building was no issue at all. Even when he’s feeling down in the dumps, he uses his portals. He really did love those things. After finally getting to the top, he paused and stared out at the city. New York really was a busy place. Streetlights lit up practically the entire city, cars bustling from place to place. He always loved that about it. It never truly rested. No matter what time of day he came up there was always a dull hum from the traffic below. It was sort of nice. Kind of like some white noise to drown out his screaming mind. But now it just bothered him. Bothered him that people might know he was there. It didn’t matter, really. They could know all they want. It didn’t stop him.

Leo always had a bad habit of making impulsive decisions. Ones he grew to regret shortly after making them. But this? No. He knew he wouldn’t regret it. This was the only way to make it up to them. By taking himself out of the equation, success was practically guaranteed. He was a wild card. A complete unknown whether he’d really be able to pull it off or not. And without the uncertainty of him, they could do pretty much anything. Yeah. That’s just what he had to keep telling himself. He had to justify it. It had to make sense. And in Leo’s twisted hormonal teenager mind, it did. It really did make sense to completely get rid of himself. Could he have just moved away and lived on his own? Sure he COULD but did he want to? Hell no. If he was going to live it was going to be helping his brothers. And if he couldn’t even do that, why should he get to live? Yeah. That definitely made sense. It definitely made a lot of sense. So why was he scared?

Was he afraid of the fall? No, that can’t be right. He’d fallen plenty of times and not been worried. The impact? He wouldn’t feel a thing.
He was scared of his brothers. Scared about how they’d react. They wouldn’t think it was their fault, would they? No. They couldn’t. It wasn’t their fault. It was his. Only Leo’s. It was his fault and now it’s his decision to make. And he’d already made up his mind. This is how he could help. Those few steps towards the edge never felt so far. He’d been up here more times than he could count and yet it never felt like such a distance. Maybe his perception of reality was just off today. It wasn’t important. He was there now, waiting. Waiting for what exactly, he wasn’t sure. A sign from whatever Deity he believed in maybe. A reason not to do it.

And yet, nothing came. Nothing at all. Maybe people below could see him. Or maybe not. He was pretty high up after all. He relaxed his hands, letting them fall loosely at his sides. His swords made a less than unpleasant sound when they landed on the cement near his feet. The wind felt almost like encouragement, blowing him every so slightly towards the bustling street down below. Maybe that was his sign. To not look back and simply go for it. Or just a coincidence. His toes were now just barely over the edge, the adrenaline now coursing through him. He was scared. Terrified, even. He didn’t want to leave just yet. He still had so much ahead of him, so why? Why was he doing this? Why did he feel like that was his only option left? Surely there had to be more. Something, anything. Anything other than this.

His eyes stung with pain, the tears that had previously built up in the corners now spilling over the edge. They were warm against his skin. Even while they got blown across his face by the howling wind they were comforting. A gentle reminder that no matter what his body would still be with him. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t bear to just stand there and watch the people below him meander on like nothing was happening. It was almost like torture, not being able to move. He felt frozen, his muscles seizing up and refusing to let him go.

He tried, he really did, but he couldn’t. Nothing happened. His cries died out in his throat, too strangled to even be anything remotely close to a sob. He wanted someone to hear. Anyone. Anyone that could convince him not to do this. The world was silent. Not a single response. Leo shifted one foot further off the edge, a small bit of dust falling beneath it. Was this really all that was left for him? Clearly so. There was nothing left for him. No one was there to catch him if he fell, joke intended. He felt alone on the rooftop. With nothing there to stop him.

Chapter Text

Nothing to stop him but a buzz. A small hum, ringing in the fanny pack strung across his shoulder.

The surreal moment caught up to him and he stumbled backwards, gasping for air. It didn’t feel real. He felt dizzy. Confused. He’d gotten so close to edge and yet a simple text dragged him down from his mind. Might as well check it. What could go wrong?

He fumbled with the zipper, snatching his phone when he finally got the pesky thing open. His generally quiet phone was now practically exploding with texts from his younger brother. Ranging from “wya???” to “srsly Leo, it’s pizza nte.” How was he supposed to respond? He couldn’t just tell his brothers what he was doing… could he? Well… it was either that or leave without a goodbye…

His fingers nearly typed faster than he was thinking, giving everyone he knew a carefully crafted individual message.

April- Thank you. You always knew how to keep things lively and I couldn’t have asked for a better sister. Even if you aren’t related by blood, you’ll always be a part of this family.

Casey Jr- I know you’re gonna go on to do great things. Fighting alongside you was truly a one of a kind experience and I’m proud of you.

Splinter- Pops, promise not miss me too much, Kay?

Raph- Thank you for always guiding me down the right path. Even when I pressed your buttons, you still rose to the challenge of leader and helped me learn how to be better. I’m sorry I could never be the leader you needed.

Mikey- You’ve always been the light of our lives. Even just walking into a room you can light it up with your smile. You’re amazing at finding the positive and your alter egos make you all the more interesting to talk to.

Donnie- I’m sorry for always a nuisance to you. Whether it be talking to you while you work or messing with you during missions, you still somehow kept it fun for me. Worst for last, I’m really not even sure how to say goodbye. So, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Thank you for being my not-twin. Goodbye.

Anxiously, his finger hovered over the send button. His heart was racing in his chest, aching with the fear that slowly crept in.

His skin felt cold. The air was thick, breathing got more and more laboring by the second. He was having second thoughts.

Why? Why couldn’t he even let himself just do this one stupid thing? He was always holding himself back. Even now. Leo wasn’t about to give up.

He took a sharp breath in and slowly let it back out, sending each message while he did so. Somehow staring at the message go from delivered to read helped the decision feel easier.

He nearly slipped it back into his bag, then stopped. He’d forgotten someone. Well, someone he cared little for. A quick “finishing the job for you! Lol ✌🏻” accompanied by a selfie of the rooftop would do the trick as a message for Draxum. This time, he sent it without a second thought and carefully put the phone away.

The few steps back to the edge never felt so far. One felt like a mile. Two felt like he was running a marathon. It was close. Within reach, even. All he had to do was trust in himself. Trust that this was the correct choice to make. Well, did he even have another?

He’d already sent the messages. He’d already given up. So he did. He gave up. He stopped trying to argue with himself.

Once again at the edge, he felt a strange sense of calm. His fears almost cleansed him, leaving him with nothing left but peace in his decision. Then he leaned.

It didn’t even feel like he was falling. The buildings, that he assumed would be flying past, simply stood motionless next to him. Tall as ever.

Moments of his childhood played in his memory, laughter and joy echoing throughout his brain. His personal favorite was when they first ‘received’ their weapons. They had so much fun that day. Bits and pieces of different Lair Games years brought a smile to his face. He really did love winning. Then he thought of more recent moments. Meeting April, growing alongside his brothers,… every single time he could remember he was happy, flashing by in mere seconds.

His life was flashing before his eyes. He’d seen all of this before. When he fought the Kraang.

His head was spinning, wind whipped around his ears. He could barely hear the people shouting below for help. He didn’t care. They shouldn’t either.

Leo would finally be free. He could finally be happy. What did it cost him? Nothing but the pain of letting down his only family.