Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Our strategy should be not only to confront empire, but to lay siege to it. To deprive it of oxygen. To shame it. To mock it. With our art, our music, our literature, our stubbornness, our joy, our brilliance, our sheer relentlessness – and our ability to tell our own stories. Stories that are different from the ones we’re being brainwashed to believe.

The corporate revolution will collapse if we refuse to buy what they are selling – their ideas, their version of history, their wars, their weapons, their notion of inevitability.

Remember this: We be many and they be few. They need us more than we need them.

Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

  — Arundhati Roy

...

Our story starts with two sisters. Thick as thieves and wild as wind, they spent lazy summers running through fields and climbing trees, snagging their skirts and bringing home twigs tangled in their hair. 

The littlest sister was buckwild and unrestrained, she’d race through the streets with her saffron hair blazing against the gloomy English sky. And the older sister, with her polished shoes and pinned-up honey blonde hair, would chase her. Her shoes would scuff and strands would fall free from her bun, but she always chased her sister anyway.

“Lily!” The elder shouted, “Lily, come back!” She reached her sister, snatching her by the shoulder and pulling her to a stop. “You can’t just run off like that.” 

“Sorry! I thought I saw a fairy.”

“Fairies aren’t real.” The elder sister corrected, with a shake of her head. The younger rolled her eyes but let the fairy go, and the two girls skipped hand in hand back to their parents. 

Like most children, the sisters believed they could do anything: conquer mountains, and slay dragons, and fly. And for one of them, this turned out to be true. She bloomed flowers from seeds and skipped on air, she sought the impossible then sought further. And she shared her magic with her sister in the form of candy-flavoured brussels sprouts and rainbow-coloured streaks in her hair. And the elder sister kept the magic like a promise, a secret for her to protect, for that’s what big sisters were to do. 

And everything was good for a little while.

Chapter Text

When Petunia Evans was eleven years old, she lost her sister's secret.

She and Lily had climbed to the top of the hill on the outskirts of town where an old tire swing hung from a great sycamore tree. The swing had been there as long as either could remember, perhaps it had been there since the beginning of time itself, neither girl could say otherwise.

They took turns jumping off the swing, competing to see who could swing the highest. Lily swung as high as the swing would bring her before jumping from the peak. Petunia's entire body tensed: Lily was too high, Petunia could already see her crashing into the ground and snapping her arm in two. But Lily's arms didnt break, instead, she touched down featherlight, like a gently falling leaf. 

Petunia yelled ‘No fair!’ and Lily giggled, racing to climb back on the tire.

The trees rustled and Petunia spotted a flash of night black hair disappearing behind a trunk. It was a boy, he peeked back out from behind the tree. 

“Hey! What are you doing?” Petunia shouted, and the boy disappeared behind the tree once more. Petunia marched over to the boy’s hiding spot and forced him into the light. He was a mangy looking child, shorter than Petunia with sallow skin and overgrown black hair. 

“What do you think you’re doing? Spying on us?” There were rips in the knees of his trousers and loose thread on his sleeve that he pulled at before changing his mind and stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“Sorry, I-“ 

“Hey, I know you.” Lily ran up behind Petunia. “From school.” The boy turned red and averted his eyes from either of their gazes.

“I didn’t mean to spy, only, I know that you’re witches.” Said the boy. 

“Witches!” Petunia shrieked, what a horrid, rude thing to accuse someone of. Only it was true: Lily was magic, though neither of them had ever spoken the word out loud. 

“You don’t have to hide, I’m a wizard.” He said quickly. 

“A wizard!“ Petunia laughed. “Of all the ridiculous things to say-“

“Pet,” Lily whispered. “I think it’s true.” She faced the boy directly, “I saw you once, Thomas Paxley was chasing after you, but he tripped out of nowhere, that wasn’t nowhere was it? It was you.” 

“Yes.” 

“That’s why you were following us?” 

“I suspected you were like me, but… I wasn’t sure. Until now.” 

“What was your name again?” 

“Severus.” And that was how Petunia lost Lily’s secret.

…

Severus’s mother was a witch. According to him, there existed an entire community of witches and wizards who lived in secret, keeping magic hidden away from the rest of the world- muggles, Severus called the non-witches. 

“Why would wizards want to keep magic secret?” Petunia had asked him. She and Lily had only hidden the nature of Lily’s abilities because they believed her to be the only one. But if there were more, a whole community, what reason would they have to hide?

“Muggles are… dreadful.” Severus had answered, with a sour pinch of his face. “Selfish and judgemental, if they all knew about magic they would destroy it, destroy us.” He told her of a history fraught with violence, didn’t Petunia know what they did to witches? Be that as it may, Petunia also knew what they said of saints.

Severus told them about a magical school, where witches and wizards went to learn magic. His mother had studied there. Hogwarts. Petunia thought that was a terrible name for a school, but Lily seemed to find it hilarious. Of course, a magic school would be named after hogs and warts. 

Severus never questioned Petunia’s ability to do magic. Maybe it was something about that first day, the way she had marched right over to him with the conviction of someone with much more power than they actually had. Or perhaps it was the way Petunia spoke of Lily’s magic: like it was a wonder. Whatever the reason, Severus had assumed that first day and Petunia did all she could to prove his assumption true. 

Petunia tried to be magic. She sat in her room for hours at a time staring at a ballpoint pen, trying to make it move or change colours or explode or vanish. Anything. She felt silly, like she was five years old again, when she would swing her arms and jump, over and over again, each time convinced that time she would take flight. She’d long ago outgrown childish fantasies. But everything was different now: magic was real. She’d seen it, she could taste it. She stared at the pen and imagined it bursting into flames. She imagined the magic radiating out of her and washing over the pen. She imagined it over and over again, just like when she was five, like if she tried one more time the pen would sprout legs and stand up.  

It never did. 

Eventually, Petunia succumbed to frustration. She slammed her fists against the desk and stomped away, rattling the desk as she did. The pen rolled onto the floor.

When Severus discovered Petunia wasn’t magic they were all lounging about the tire swing again. It had become the frequent meeting place for the three of them. After school or on lazy Sundays, they’d lie about listening to stories Severus had heard about the magical world. Stories of unicorns and flying men and doors that portaled to other worlds. Petunia was bent over through the middle tire swing and rocking 'round in circles whilst Lily and Severus sat side by side in the tall grass, taking turns trying to float leaves and little bits of grass (though mostly unsuccessfully, they wouldn’t be any good until they got their wands, according to Severus). 

Petunia recounted the first time Lily had done magic. Lily had been four years old and refusing to take a bath when suddenly, all the water disappeared from the tub. Their mum still puzzled over the story all these years later. Then Severus asked Petunia what the first magic she’d done was and Petunia stilled. Severus looked over at Petunia with frowning eyes when Petunia said “That doesn’t mean anything though right, I’m sure plenty of witches don’t do magic until they get their wands.” 

“Possibly.” Severus' frown deepened. “If you are a witch, you’ll know for sure when you get your letter from Hogwarts.” 

Petunia never got a letter. 

She didn’t bring it up, but the others knew. A tightness in her chest grew all summer, slowly turning to a sour ache. Severus and Lily spent more time on their own. They went on long excursions through town that Petunia wasn’t invited on and spent hours alone in Lily’s room, exchanging hushed words. Now that Petunia was twelve, she and Lily went to separate schoolhouses, and though Lily was supposed to wait for Petunia for the walk home, Petunia would often find her and Severus were long gone by the time Petunia arrived. 

When Petunia did join them on the trek, Severus never wanted to talk about the magical world. “Why do you care?” He’d ask, “You’re not a witch, so what does it matter to you?” And Petunia would try to explain that dragons would matter to anyone. It was fine though, she was half certain he’d been lying about the dragons anyway. Certainly, if there were dragons, she would have seen them. 

“Will you miss me?” Lily asked one afternoon as she hang upside down off the edge of Petunia’s bed. “When I’m off to Hogwarts.” Petunia looked up from her the book she’d been reading. 

“Perhaps you won’t get in, then I won’t have to miss you at all.” 

“That’s not very nice.” Lily frowned at her. Petunia sighed, it was easier to be not very nice when Lily didn’t point it out. 

“Of course I’ll miss you. I might actually be able to read in peace once you're gone, how dreadful.” Petunia droned and Lily stuck out her tongue. 

“You don’t really think I won’t get in do you?” Lily’s quiet voice interrupted Petunia’s reading a moment later. The aching in her chest returned, and Petunia smiled tightly. 

“Of course you’ll get in.”

…

It was a stormy June day when there came a brisk and hollow knock at the door of the Evans House.

“I’ll get it!” Petunia popped off the sofa and ran to the door, socks sliding across the hardwood. She opened the door to the sight of a Proper Witch, the kind that Severus had told her about. The witch wore a long plum coloured velvet robe with golden embellishments, and a wide-brimmed pointed hat tilted to the side. The witch had round wire spectacles that sat low on her straight nose, and sleek black and silver hair tied back in a low bun. She regarded Petunia with a prim, close lipped smile, looking very much the part of Mary Poppins. 

“Is this the Evans’ Household?” She spoke with a slow aristocratic trill, Petunia nodded. “My name is Minerva McGonagall, may I come in?” 

“Are you from Hogwarts?” Petunia blurted out, and Ms McGonagall's eyebrows shot up to the brim of her hat. 

“How-You know about Hogwarts?” 

“You’re here for Lily?” 

Ms McGonagall quickly schooled her features. “I-yes. I am.” 

Petunia opened the door wide and shouted up the stairs. A moment later Lily came running down the stairs, skidding to an abrupt halt at the sight of Ms McGonagall. 

The three of them sat in the sitting room, waiting for Mr and Mrs Evans to return from the store. Lily explained how she knew about the Wizarding World, and Ms McGonagall seemed pleased that Lily had a wizard friend.

When Lily and Petunia’s parents arrived, Ms McGonagall explained the magical world. Petunia sat in the corner armchair quietly, watching as her mum and dad gasped in surprise at the odd women in their house, then in shock, when Minerva took out her wand and performed a bit of magic for them, transforming her teacup into a crystal goblet. 

It could not be said that Holly and Craig Evans were inattentive parents. They took great care in raising their children, and yet, Lily’s magic had been able to slip by them unnoticed. Lily was dreadfully sorry for keeping such a secret from them, bursting into a tearful apology at the sight of their parent’s stunned faces. Lily hadn’t meant to keep it from them, she had just been so worried that they wouldn’t understand. Petunia couldn’t stand Lily's theatrics.

“We wanted to tell you.” Petunia stepped in. 

“You knew about this, Petunia?” Her mother asked, aghast. 

“You should have told us.” Her father scolded. Lily started up again, coming to Petunia’s defence. Petunia had only been protecting Lily, respecting her trust, it had been Lily’s idea to keep it a secret. But Petunia was older and should have known better than to keep things from them. In the end, it was Ms McGonagall who interrupted the squabbling, redirecting the conversation to the most important matter at hand. 

Ms McGonagall explained that she was a Professor at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Most students at Hogwarts came from Wizarding families, but occasionally witches would be born to Non-Magical families. Ms McGonagall was careful not to call them muggles, which Petunia appreciated. Severus was always saying it like it was a dirty word. The Professor then presented Lily with an envelope- Lily’s acceptance letter. The one Petunia had never gotten. Petunia peered curiously at the envelope, it was shockingly ordinary for something Petunia had spent so much time longing over. 

When the tea had gone cold, when Lily had finished pleading to their parents that she should be allowed to go to Hogwarts, when Professor McGonagall had convinced their parents that the school was safe, and a wonderful opportunity, Petunia walked Professor McGonagall back to the front door and followed her outside. She shut the door, so Lily and her parents couldn’t overhear.

“Professor,” Petunia looked down at her shoes, “I was wondering if it might be possible if I were to attend Hogwarts as well. I know I don’t have quite the magical aptitude as Lily, or perhaps the other students, but I’m sure with time I’d be able to get the hang of it. I’m a very good student, I have top marks in all my classes.” Petunia met the Professor's eyes steadfastly, McGonagall had her same prim expression, though Petunia could see the pity in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry dear. But it’s just not possible. Hogwarts is a school for witches and wizards.” 

“I could be a witch- I” 

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. And without magic, Hogwarts would be a very dangerous and difficult place for a student.”

“But-“ 

“Even if there were a way, you wouldn’t be happy there. Best to put it out of your mind.” The Professor said, then vanished into thin air. 

…

Petunia had half hoped Severus wouldn’t get into Hogwarts, just out of spite. But Sev was, infuriatingly, insufferably, a wizard. Summer raced by and Lily accompanied Severus and Mrs Snape on a trip to London to gather school supplies. Petunia asked to join them but Severus insisted that three children were too much for his mother. Petunia pretended it was the truth and not just an excuse to shake her off, she doubted Severus even asked his mother. 

When Lily returned from Diagon Alley, she was buzzing with energy and brandishing a brand new wand. It was a flimsy wooden stick, like something their dog might find in the yard, but Lily looked at it like it was reverent. 

“It’s got unicorn hair in it, Pet.” Lily waved the wand around haphazardly, pretending to cast spells. She swished the wand and a burst of sparks flew out, knocking over Petunia’s lamp.

“Christ! Put that thing away you numpty!” Petunia cried and Lily put down the wand quickly. 

“Sorry! I’m just so excited!” Lily hopped on Petunia’s bed, bouncing as she landed. She proceeded to rattle off all the things she’d seen in Diagon Alley: an ice cream shop with never melting ice cream, a book shop where the books placed themselves on shelves, and a bank run by all goblins. 

“Why do only goblins work at the bank?” Petunia asked. 

“Perhaps they’re the best at maths?” Lily shrugged. 

The last weeks of summer slipped by, and on the first of September, Petunia, Severus, and Lily all packed into the back of their parents’ 1963 beige mini cooper, Mrs Snape had been ‘too busy’ to make the trip to London again. The backseat was not meant for three people, even children, and it made for an unpleasant trip.

“I don’t see why we have to drive all the way to London if the school’s in Scotland.” Petunia grumbled, squished up against the door, whilst Lily sat on the edge of the middle seat, staring eagerly through the front windshield at the London skyline.

“The Hogwarts Express is a time-honoured tradition and a right of passage for every Hogwarts student.” Sev answered and Petunias rolled her eyes at him. 

“It’s stupid.” 

“Petunia! Don’t use that kind of language.” Holly scolded. Petunia let out a long huff. 

“Sorry mummy.” Severus glared at her, so Petunia glared back. Lily whipped her head around and gave them both a stern look until they resolved to glaring out their respective windows instead.

King’s Cross Station was bustling and brimming with life. Surly men in suits and fancily dressed ladies all threading through the crowd as they all went their own ways. 

“Platform 9 and ¾? That can’t be right.” Craig muttered at the tickets as they all stood between Platform 9 and 10. Sev puffed his chest up. 

“It’s hidden, Mr Evans. I’ll show you.” He said, before walking straight at the brick archway. Severus crashed against the wall and stumbled back. Petunia stifled a laugh as Severus stared in confusion at the brick wall he’d just attempted to best. A quiet laugh came from around the corner.

“Are you trying to get onto the platform?” A gangly, freckled girl with dirty blonde pigtails was leaning over the brim of a luggage cart. “First years yeah?” Lily nodded and Severus lit up a bright red. 

“Sorry, it seems, um.” Lily floundered to explain Severus’s absurd debacle with the wall.

The girl smiled widely, “It’s that one.” She nodded across the arch to the wall on the other side. 

“Right, of course. Thank you.” Severus said and turned. 

“Oh, you’re going to run at another wall? Goodie.” Petunia said, but Severus was already walking briskly at the wall, only to disappear through it. 

“Well, see you on the other side, newbie.” The girl said to Lily, kicking her cart off the ground and passing through the barrier as well. 

“That is just marvellous isn’t it.” Holly sighed in awe. And it might have been marvellous, but not quite as marvellous as watching Severus slamming face-first into a wall had been, Petunia wished she could bottle the memory up to watch again. 

“Well, I should probably be off or Sev will leave me behind.” Petunia snorted, Severus would never leave Lily behind. The scoundrel was right obsessed with her.

Their parents both looked down at Lily misty eyed. “You’ll be alright now won’t you pumpkin?” Craig asked, and Lily nodded vigorously.

“Write to us every day.” Holly said and Lily embraced her parents tightly. Their mother was sniffling when she let go and their father rubbed his eyes to stave off tears. Turning toward Petunia, Lily launched herself at Petunia, who braced herself for the collision. 

“I’ll miss you.” Lily mumbled into the fabric of Petunia’s collar. Suddenly Petunia felt awash with the weight of Lily’s departure. They’d never been apart this long. Prickling tears filled the edges of Petunia’s eyes and she wrapped her arms around Lily, stroking at her hair. 

“I’ll miss you too, ninny.” Petunia said, letting Lily go, and patting her shoulders. 

Lily picked up the handle of her trunk and gave one last smile to her family, before closing her eyes and walking straight through the wall.

Chapter Text

Lily spent years imagining the Hogwarts Express. The bright red train that made one stop and one stop only featured heavily in Severus’ tales of Hogwarts. It seemed rather a waste to keep a train dormant most of the year, but what did Lily know of magical trains? 

However, imagination paled to the real thing. The train shined a candy apple red, glossy as if it had just been repainted last week (and for all Lily knew it had been). It looked both old and new, like something out of a film.

Platform 9 and ¾ looked like, well, it looked just like Platform 9 and Platform 10. It was only the people that made the difference, witches and wizards in long robes and pointed hats, with owls and broomsticks, but not the sort that looked for sweeping.

Severus was waiting for her just on the other side of the archway. “Come on! If we board early we’ll get the first pick at seats.” Lily wanted to take a moment and savour the platform, and the witches and wizards it held. They were real. She was really here. With them. A witch. But Sev was grabbing her by hand and pulling her onto the train without a moment’s breath. 

They found an empty compartment at the front of the train. Sev slid himself into the corner, up against the wall and pulled out his charms textbook. He examined the spine and fiddled with the pages as Lily gazed out the train window where children were engaged in tearful goodbyes with their families. 

“I’m sorry your parents couldn’t bring you.” Lily said softly. Severus’ gaze stuck to the book.

“It’s fine.” Sev mumbled, picking at the wearing corner. 

“It’s okay, if it’s not fine.” 

“I said it’s fine, Lil.” He snapped, and the book fell to the floor. Lily handed it back to him. Severus set the book aside and flopped his head back against the seat. “Mum told me that all the new students take boats across the lake to get to the school, and when she was a student the Giant Squid came out of the water and tipped half the boats over.” 

Lily snorted, she’d never taken Mrs Snape as they type for tall tales, but it was never too late to start, “Oh come on Sev, that’s not true!”

“My mother saw it.” Severus gave an affronted scoff. He certainly wasn’t one to doubt his mother’s word.

“There’s no Giant Squid in the black lake.” That would be dangerous, and downright impractical. Squid didn’t live in freshwater, everyone knew that. 

“There is!” 

“Oh come on, you’re having me on.” 

Severus’ wiry black brows squished down into his nose. “Am not, didn’t you read Hogwarts, a History?” 

“No, it wasn’t exactly the most interesting book on our reading list.” The first-year reading list had included books on brewing potions and spells that could turn straw to gold and conjure storms: magic. Forgive her if she skipped over the history book to read about charms that could make things fly. 

“Well if you had you’d know about the Giant Squid.” Severus huffed. 

“Why would they let students go in a lake that had a sea monster in it? That’s dangerous.” 

“He’s not a monster, the Giant-“ A rattling knock cut off Severus, and the compartment door slid open. 

A girl holding a fat black and white striped cat under her arms leaned in. “Sorry, do you mind if I sit here, everywhere else’s full.” The girl smiled sheepishly and Lily slid to the edge of the bench, squishing up against the window. 

“Sure.” Lily answered, the girl sighed in relief and plopped down in the seat next to her, the cat squirmed unhappily. Severus gave Lily a pointed look, as if to say see, that's what happens when you wait until the last minute. 

“Thanks! This is Meowskers, had to chase the little devil halfway down the platform. squirmy thing, I thought I might miss the train. I’m Dorcas, by the way. Dorcas Meadows.” Severus glared at the cat, then at Lily. Lily bit back the urge to tell him to stop being so dramatic, it was just a cat. 

“Lily Evans, nice to meet you.” 

Meowskers swatted at the end of Dorcas’s braids, catching one of the silver beads in it’s claws and Dorcas hissed and pulled her hair to safety. “Fine then, if you’re so insistent about it, be free.” She let go of the cat, who upon realising there was nowhere to go with the door closed, settled on Dorcas’s lap. Dorcus rolled her eyes heavily and shrugged. 

“What kind of name is Meowskers?” Severus snorted. 

“Well, he has to have a name of some kind, Meowskers is as good a name as any, I reckon. What’s your name?” Dorcas narrowed her eyes at Severus, who straightened in his seat. 

“Severus, Severus Snape.” 

“Well, Severus sounds about as good as Meowskers, if you ask me.” Dorcas grinned, and Sev’s brows pinched. He opened his mouth then closed it again. Lily held in a giggle, but it leaked out as a snort anyway. 

Meowskers was a family cat, though part kneazle (apparently, Dorcas seemed to have some reservations about the claim) her parents thought it would be good for Dorcas to bring him along to Hogwarts, but Dorcas was starting to think he was more trouble than he was worth. 

Lily smiled fondly at the cat in Dorcas’s lap, he didn’t seem like much trouble now. 

“You’re both first-years yeah?” Dorcas asked. Lily wondered if it was obvious, she was rather short for her age, but not exceptionally so. 

“Yes.” Severus said, still looking rather annoyed at Dorcas. 

“Me too. Exciting isn’t it? My parents didn’t go to Hogwarts, so I’m not quite sure what it will be like.” 

“Oh, are your parents muggles?” Lily brightened in excitement. Severus had said it was rare for a witch to have two muggle parents, but perhaps he’d underestimated its rarity. 

“Oh merlin no! My parents went to Uagadou, they moved up to London a few years after school. Mum and Dad actually got into a nasty fight about it, Mum didn’t want me going to Hogwarts but Dad thought it best I get a ‘Proper British Education’ if I’m going to be a witch in Britain.” Dorcas explained. Lily hadn’t known there were other magical schools, another thing she must have missed from not reading that history book. 

“Did your parents go to Hogwarts?” Dorcas asked. 

“Sev’s mum did but his dad and my parents are both muggles.” Lily explained and Severus stomped his feet down. 

“Lily! That’s not the sort of thing you just go around telling people.” 

“Why not? It’s true, not like there’s anything wrong with being a muggle.” 

“Of course not, but some people don’t see it that way.” He eyed Dorcas sceptically.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, “Everyone’s in a tizzy about blood purity these days, total hogwash if you ask me.” 

“Hogwash or not, people care about it, especially with everything that happened this summer it's not a good idea to go around advertising it.” Severus scowled. 

“What happened this summer?” Severus hadn’t said anything about ‘blood purity’ or anything of the sort. He’d always been secretive about the Wizarding World, but never to Lily. Lily, he shared everything with, or so she thought. The thought of him keeping something from her made her heart clench. 

“Ah, yeah I guess you wouldn’t know.” Dorcas said. “There was a terror attack on the Ministry, some group of nutters trying to take over in the name of ‘blood purity’. People are saying there’s gonna be a war.” 

“Sev, did you know about this?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want to upset you.” He said and well, Lily was certainly upset now. She wasn’t a child who needed to be protected (or at least, no more a child than Severus, in fact, she was a whole five months older than him) 

“It will blow over.” Severus declared. “There’s always drama in the news, the Ministry will take care of it. There’s not going to be a war.” He said to Dorcas, exasperated as though she was inciting some sort of outrage. 

Dorcas didn’t seem interested in arguing, and the topic shifted to what class they were most excited to take. Dorcas’s mum and dad were Magizoologists who had travelled all over the world, studying rare creatures, but Dorcas was most excited for Defence Against the Dark Arts since it was the ‘most useful’.  

The journey was long, and at one point Severus got up to wander around the train in search of the bathroom (though Lily strongly suspected it was to get away from Meowskers, who had taken up rubbing his face against the side of Severus’s leg). He returned in a strop, with a foul grimace on his face, and looked sternly at Dorcas. 

“You don’t want to be in Gryffindor do you?” He asked her accusingly. 

“Nah, I don’t really have a preference on what house I end up in. Seems like setting yourself up for disappointment yeah?” Sev didn’t seem entirely pleased with the answer but slumped back down in his seat and didn’t say any more. Severus’ mum had been in Slytherin. Mrs Snape always spoke fondly about her time at Hogwarts and especially her house, so it was no surprise Severus wanted to be sorted the same way. Still, Lily thought Dorcas made a good point. It would be dreadful to ruin her first day at Hogwarts by getting her hopes up one way or the other.

When the train finally stopped the first-year students were shuffled onto boats (no giant squid in sight) and Lily felt as though she must have fallen into a dream. Hogwarts was magical, that much Lily was prepared for. But she had been ill prepared for its enchantment, it washed over her and swallowed her whole. The castle, old and magnificent like something out of a film about princesses and dragons, bewitched her. Enchanted boats carried them across the lantern lit shimmering lake and as they were led through the castle grounds into a great hall, which opened up to the night sky, Lily felt entranced. 

The headmaster of the school, Dumbledore, looked like something out of one of those fantasy novels Petunia was always reading: long white beard and a tall pointy hat in light blue that matched his robes, studded with shimmering rhinestones. He welcomed the new students and commenced the house sorting ceremony. 

The first student called was a chubby, fair haired girl. She was made to sit in a chair in the middle of the hall and a large, raggedy hat with folds that made the shape of a face was placed on her head. When the sorting hat bellowed out its decision, Hufflepuff, the Great Hall erupted with applause. Teachers and the other students clapped politely, while the students at the Hufflepuff table rose to their feet, cheering as their newest addition joined them, grinning wide and blushing bright. 

The next boy to be called up was ghostly pale, with glossy black hair that had been stiffly brushed back into a long ponytail. He had a boastful smirk on his face as he strode up to the sorting hat. He looked a bit like Snape if Lily was being honest (a thought she shared with him years later, which sent him into a shrieking fit until Lily agreed to ‘take that back’) 

“GRYFFINDOR!” Lily moved to clap but faltered when the room fell silent, save for a string of gasps. 

“What?” The boy- Sirius Black yelled. “That can’t be right.” But the hat only restated its original choice. There was a pregnant pause until Professor McGonagall began clapping, spurring on the applause from the Gryffindor table. 

“What was that about?” Lily whispered to Severus.

“Every Black there ever was has been sorted into Slytherin.” Severus answered. Lily caught a glimpse of Black’s face as he drifted to the Gryffindor table, his eyes looked misty and his cheeks bright red. “I’d probably cry too if I were sorted into Gryffindor.” Severus pulled a face at the thought. Lily certainly didn’t want to be in Gryffindor either, of all the houses it seemed like the least reasonable. Brutes , Severus had said, who cared more about running into a fight than they did about magic. Lily had never been keen on fighting, she much more liked the idea of Ravenclaw, with their dedication to learning. Severus was convinced they’d both be in Slytherin. 

Her name was called and Lily pushed her shoulders back as she walked to the hot seat. A burly bearded man placed the sorting hat upon her head, it slipped past her ears. The hat had a musty, sweat ridden stench, Lily wrinkled her nose and wondered when it was last washed. 

“Let’s see what we have here.” Lily startled, she hadn’t expected the hat to talk to her. The hat’s voice was low and gravelly. “A muggle-born, yes?” The hat spoke slowly, words slurred like speech was a mighty feat for him, and perhaps it was. “That is a difficult path to walk. I see great conviction in you, and determination. I could see success for you in every house.” She didn’t expect the hat’s musing, wasn’t he just supposed to know? Wait, was the hat a he? “I am in fact.” Lily jolted again, of course, the hat could read her mind, she should have guessed. “You’re curious, that would suit you well in Ravenclaw.” Lily agreed, “But you have high expectations for yourself, very Slytherin. Tricky.” Of course, it was tricky, people were complex. If the hat really expected to sort people based on them falling neatly into a singular personality trait, then perhaps the hat was a hack. The hat laughed. “Ah. Well, I think we have our answer.” Before Lily could ask what that meant, the hat was bellowing out.

“GRYFFINDOR!” Lily startled, as the Great Hall erupted with applause. Lily was puzzled, she didn’t see how on earth the hat came to that conclusion. Of all the houses…  she wanted to stay and ask the hat how exactly he had come to that decision, but the hat was already being lifted off her head and she was being ushered towards the Gryffindor table. Half of the Gryffindors were standing now, reaching out their hands to introduce themselves. The blonde girl who had helped them on the platform was there as well, she shifted over in her seat to make room for Lily on the bench. 

“Well good thing you made it to the platform! I’m Marlene McKinnon.” 

“Lily Evans.” Lily said distractedly, as she sought out the remaining first years, finding Severus’s concerned face, and tried to send him a reassuring smile, maybe Sev would be in Gryffindor too. 

“Lily Evans, brilliant, well welcome to Gryffindor, Lily.” Marlene went on making introductions to the other Gryffindors around them. Lily tried to catalogue their names in her mind. The girl across from Lily was a third year named Amelia Bones, she had the shiniest, long brown hair Lily had ever seen. Next to Marlene was Alice Fortescue, another third year, who took to leaning all the way back on the bench to introduce herself to Lily, nearly falling backward off it. Surrounding them were a gaggle of second-year boys: Frank Longbottom, Edgar Bones, Miran Vane, Callum Wolpert and several more whose names were said too quickly for Lily to catch.

Two older boys with matching red hair sat on the head of the table (not at, on) and made introductions: “Gideon Prewett, Gryffindor Quidditch Captain” and “Fabian Prewett, Head Boy.” Lily got the impression that they fancied themselves the kings of Gryffindor.

The sorting went on, another boy was placed in Gryffindor, he was a wiry boy with choppily cut hair and a rather large scar across his golden freckled cheek. He blushed furiously at the attention of their fellow Gryffindors as they made their rounds introducing themselves and clapping their hands on his willowy back. He certainly didn’t seem like the brawny type either and Lily was seriously beginning to question the integrity of the sorting hat. 

The girl after him was also sorted into Gryffindor and she did seem like the Gryffindor type. At least compared to Lily and the freckly boy. She marched right up to the Gryffindor table and began throwing her hand out to each and every Gryffindor, with a wide, pearly white smile. 

“Mary Macdonald!” She introduced herself, her voice was loud and steady, like a salesman. She was already clad in Gryffindor colours, her tightly coiled hair was held out of her face by a flowery orange patterned headband and matching horn rimmed glasses that stood out brightly against her dark skin. There was no way she could have known what house she’d end up in for certain, it must have been a coincidence, or hope, or destiny.

After several rounds of introductions, she finally took a seat next to Lily, “This is so exciting!” she said, looking up at the star studded ceiling then back to Lily with a laugh, “Absolutely brilliant!” 

“What do they do if it rains?” The other first-year boy asked (Not Black, who had taken a seat at the very edge of the Gryffindor table and was holding his head in his hands, looking highly distressed.) 

“It’s not real.” Frank said. “It only looks like the sky. Though sometimes, they do enchant it to snow anyway.” 

“That’s fantastic! My parents will be so jealous when I tell them.” Mary said.

“Your parent’s didn’t go to Hogwarts?” Marlene asked, leaning forward to speak around Lily. 

“Nope! First witch in the family.” Mary sang and Marlene’s eyebrows jumped up but quickly steadied. Lily wondered if Marlene was the sort of person Severus had talked about not accepting muggle-borns. The other Gryffindors looked at Mary in surprise, but Mary didn’t seem to mind at all.

So Lily said, “Me too. My parents were so shocked when I started doing magic.” Mary beamed at her.

"Well, look at that, two muggle-borns in one class, that’s rare.” Marlene gaped at them but quickly replaced the face with a smile. “I’ve been trying to convince people to start up a feetball club for years, but no one knows how to play!”

 Lily giggled. “It’s football.” 

“Football? Football! See, this is why I need you around. This is going to be great!” 

Dorcas was sorted into Hufflepuff, which was a bit of a disappointment. More students went to Ravenclaw, then Slytherin, then Ravenclaw again. Then two more boys landed in Gryffindor, one right after another. The first boy had barely reached the end of the steps before the hat was shouting again, needing not but a moment to make its decision. The second boy flung the hat from his head, letting out a whoop as he ran down the steps to sling his arm over the first. They approached the bench together and the taller boy boisterously announced: 

“No need for applause really, I’m James Potter, this is Peter Pettigrew.” Lily rolled her eyes as the boys were quickly swarmed by the other Gryffindors. Eventually, Dumbledore had to remind everyone to sit down as the ceremony continued. James dragged Peter down to the empty side of the bench next to the other first-year boy (Lily tried to remember his name, Rodger? Ross?)

“Fellow first-years I’d guess” James said, looking at Lily and Mary. Obviously, they were first years, had he not been paying attention to the start of the sorting? He then leaned his whole body over the table to extend his hand. “I’m James P-“

“Potter.” Lily interrupted. “I heard.” 

“Right, and you are?” 

“Lily Evans.” 

“Lily? That’s a flower.” James blinked at her with wide, doe black eyes that Lily thought might be empty on the other side.

“… yes?” The hat yelled ‘Gryffindor’ once more and Lily used the applause as an appreciated distraction. James seemed to be equally distracted, grinning over at the newest Gryffindor. She was a small girl, perhaps the smallest of all the first years, with pale white hair and even paler skin, she walked at a brisk, even pace, nearly floating. 

“Pandora! Lovely of you to join us.” James slid over to make room for her. 

“Pandora Selwyn.” Gideon said with amused disbelief. “I would have taken you for a Ravenclaw” 

“What can I say, the Hat works in mysterious ways.” Her voice was airy and bell-like. Lily thought she might be a fairy.

“The Hat is brilliant, because it brought us all together in the same house!” James lamented. 

“Oh, you all know each other?” Mary asked.

“Pete and Dora are my dearest and oldest friends!” James slung his arms around the two, Pandora shirked his hand off but laughed. 

“We met on the train.” Pandora explained. 

“And it was a true bonding experience!”

“Well, we’re glad to have you, Pandora. It’s about time Gryffindor got a Selwyn.” Frank said. 

“Looks like Gryffindor is full of trend breakers this year, isn’t that right Siri?” Pandora leaned across the table to shout at Sirius Black.

“Shove off, Pandora.” Sirius grumbled, his once perfect hair was now askew from his gripping at it. 

Pandora turned back to Mary with a roll of her eyes.“Siri’s a drama queen.” She explained. “Our mums are friends. He’ll shape up soon enough.” Sirius mumbled something that sounded like ‘this is the worst day of my life’ into the sleeve of his robes. 

The hat called the next name. Lily locked eyes with Severus as the hat was placed on his head. She sent him a smile and he met it warily. Severus muttered at the hat, bickering with it, perhaps having a similar conversation to the one Lily had with it. If he was, that meant Severus might be sorted the same as Lily. That would make everything perfect: the two of them in the same house together. Lily could imagine it, had imagined it many times in the anticipation of the school year. All she needed now was for the Hat to say-

“SLYTHERIN!”

Chapter Text

When Lily was six years old she made a snow globe float. The globe contained a miniature recreation of Cardiff Castle, blanketed in thick plastic pieces of white confetti. It was a cheap little thing purchased from a gift shop the last time she visited her nan, but Lily treasured it dearly. So when a game of tag at Petunia’s birthday party grew too rowdy and someone sent the snow globe flying off the mantle, Lily’s heart seized. She jumped to catch it but was much too far away, her only thought was for something, somehow, to stop the globe from falling. 

And miraculously, it did. The globe froze mid-air long enough for Lily to race to it and place it safely back on the mantle. Lily always had a knack for telling the world what to do and the world listening. She didn’t realise it was anything unusual until she got older and realised the world didn’t listen to everyone else quite as well. 

When Lily asked Petunia why no one else could speak to the world the same way, Petunia shrugged and said “You’re special” Then she pulled at the end of Lily’s pigtail and said, “maybe it's that red hair of yours.” 

But it wasn’t Lily’s red hair, it was magic. Fizzing and crackling beneath her skin: raw power that leaked from her seams. Lily wanted, and magic bent the world to her wants. Will incarnate.

Magic made her feel powerful, like she could do anything. It made her feel clever, like she had the answer to a question only she knew. It made her feel important, like she was bigger than herself. It made her feel lonely, an accident of the universe that never should have been. It was as if she existed within the confines of that snow globe and everyone else was on the outside. Visible but separated through an unyielding shield.     

Until Severus. 

Severus found her and suddenly she wasn’t some accident of the universe, but simply a witch among other witches. He opened the door to a whole new world where there was no more glass, just people like her. And it was so wonderful that sometimes she wondered if she’d willed the whole Wizarding World into existence just to have a friend. 

Mrs Snape had taken a sceptical eye to her when they’d first met, frowning down at her over the tip of her sharp nose. She didn’t take kindly to her son breaking the bond of secrecy that was the most fundamental rule of their society. But once Severus explained, once Lily summoned a fluttering moth from across the yard to the palm of her hand wandlessly, wordlessly, Mrs Snape saw her for what she was. 

Lily was determined to make the rest of the Wizarding World see her too.    

…

Marlene McKinnon appointed herself the first-year girl’s official guide to Hogwarts and all things Wizardry (Pandora didn’t really need a guide, on account of having wizard parents and two elder brothers already at Hogwarts, but she was more than happy to be a captive audience member). 

The Gryffindor class above Lily had twelve boys and only one girl: Marlene, an unfortunate circumstance that had left Marlene alone in the girl’s first-year dorms the year before. Now that she was in second year she had elected to bunk up with Mary, Lily, and Pandora, rather than spend the rest of her school days by herself. 

And thus Marlene had taken it upon herself to act as mentor, big sister, role model (all Marlene’s words) to the first-years. Marlene was not at all like Lily’s own big sister. Petunia was clever and reserved whereas Marlene was brash and loud and full of energy. Yet, Lily couldn’t help but feel a familiar quality to them, perhaps it was their tawny hair and lanky limbs, or the fact that they both believed they always knew best. 

Being sorted into a different house from Severus wasn’t quite the catastrophe that Lily had feared. They still saw each other all the time. All her classes were shared with another house, the Gryffindor and Slytherin houses shared Potions and Transfiguration, which were held on alternating days, so she saw Severus at least every day during the week. 

Besides, even if they had been sorted into the same house, they would have been in separate dormitories anyway. The girl’s dormitory even had a spell on it to prevent any of the boys from entering. (There was not, however, a spell on the boy’s dormitory. A fact James Potter had inquired about during their tour of Gryffindor Tower and had seemed oddly relieved to find there wasn’t. Lily thought he was a bit full of himself if he was already thinking about sneaking girls into his dormitory.)

And though she hesitated to admit it, it was nice making other friends besides Severus. He and Mrs Snape were the only magical people she’d ever known before. She liked talking to people like Marlene and Pandora, who lived in magical communities and knew everything about the magical world. And it was nice to spend time with Mary who understood all the things about the muggle world that the others didn’t understand and Severus admonished. 

There were only three muggle-born students in Lily’s year (though Mary had argued that anyone with one muggle-born parent was technically muggle-born, an idea Severus protested vehemently), it quickly became clear that they were behind the other students, who all had some level of remedial magical education from their families. 

The other students moaned and groaned anytime the professors were made to slow down lessons or explain parts of the magical world for their benefit, a sentiment Lily sympathised with, she was no less eager to cut to the quick of her magical education. Lily had never particularly cared about her marks in school, but she had no intention of falling behind. She would do everything in her power to ensure that her professors would not need to slow down for her, even if it meant spending a weekend reading that stupid history book on Hogwarts. 

Luckily, magic came as naturally to Lily as it always did, her connection even stronger now that she had a wand, though her professors seemed to care more about teaching specific words and wand movements than they did about connecting with magic. It didn't matter, Lily could follow instructions just as well as anyone. 

Pointing her wand at the music box on her desk, Lily swished it just as Professor Flitwick had demonstrated a moment earlier. 

“ Musaea ” At the incantation the gears began to turn and play a gentle bell-like waltz. 

“Well done, Ms Evans.” Professor Flitwick said with a small clap. Lily preened, pleased to be the first to get it right. The spell was said to work not just for music boxes, but any array of instruments, or as Professor Flitwick had amusedly remarked, even animals and people. Starting with music boxes was like practising with training wheels, though Lily found it hardly necessary, certain she could make a violin play without the help of a pre-recorded tune.   

Pandora succeeded next, Mary tried two more times, her box sputtering to life on the third try. She let out an excited whoop. Soon the room was filled with a harmony of twinkling music. 

“I wonder if that will work on my record player?” Mary whispered conspiratorially, inspecting the music box closely. Her glasses were lime green today, Professor McGonagall taught them a colour changing charm during the first week and Mary had been charming her glasses a different colour every day since. 

“I bet it will.” Lily answered. Mary had been mildly heartbroken since arriving at Hogwarts when she discovered there were no electrical outlets to plug her turntable into. It was particularly devastating after she’d hauled the thing all the way from London, along with her rather impressive record collection that took up an entire extra trunk.

“What’s a record player?” Dorcas asked, from the next table over. 

“It’s a-” 

A loud screeching sound tore through the room, followed by banging and rattling.

Lily clapped her hands over her ears and swivelled around toward the large grandfather clock that had begun to shake with a cantankerous shriek. James Potter exploded into a fit of laughter while the boys next to him grimaced and covered their ears. 

“Good god! James, turn it off!” Sirius yelled. The horrid sound continued, growing louder and louder. Professor Flitwick rushed to the back of the classroom, shouting finite until the clock finally sputtered to a stop. 

“Mr Potter!” Flitwick said, in as stern of a voice as the meek little man could muster. “What is the meaning of this?” 

“Sorry, Professor.” James gasped between fits of laughter. “I just wanted to see what would happen. She’s got a great voice on her doesn’t she?” 

Flitwick sighed. “Mr Potter, while your curiosity is admirable I must remind you.” He paused and glanced around the classroom. “All of you, the importance of following the assignment. Magic is not a joke, and used improperly can cause irreparable damage.” 

“Yeah, to my eardrums.” Peter scowled next to James.

“Sorry professor, it won’t happen again.” James grinned like he didn’t mean it one bit. Flitwick took five points from Gryffindor just in time for the end-of-class bell, which caused everyone in the class to jump.

“Well ladies, what did you think of my music box?” James skipped next to Lily, Mary, and Pandora as they left the classroom. James was always calling them that: ladies. Something about the way he said it made Lily want to hurl. 

“That was horrible James, my ears are never going to recover.” Pandora said. James spun around so that he was walking backward in front of them. 

“Admit it, you thought it was brilliant Pandy.” James tugged at the edge of Pandora’s blonde plait and grinned, his head lolling to the side. 

“Well, I thought it was a crime against music.” Mary scowled and Lily snorted. 

“Oh and what about you Evans? You liked it right?” James batted his eyes at her, as though he could charm his way out of being outrageously unpleasant. 

“I think if you put half as much energy into actually doing your work as you do showing off you might actually win house points for once.” James shrugged, unaffected.

“Ah, but you already win enough for the whole lot of us. Really I should be thanking you for putting in so much work so the rest of us don’t have to.” Lily huffed. She had realised, over the few short weeks that they had been acquainted, that James Potter was unquestionably the most obnoxious human being she had ever met. 

“Do you have to be such an insufferable tosser all the time?” 

“Do you have to be such an insufferable swot all the time?” He echoed. Lily glared at him, James glared back, then spun back around, speeding up a few steps, then slinging his arms around Sirius and Peter. 

Regardless of Lily’s annoyance towards one James Potter, the first-year Gryffindors had become quite close in the weeks since school had started. The seven of them (six today, Remus had been feeling under the weather) had every class together. They walked to classes together and ate together and studied together: it was hard not to become friends. The uneasiness of the first few nights in a strange place had melted away and now her dorm room felt as much like home as Cokeworth. 

“Look, Evans, your boyfriend’s waiting for you.” James sang.

Lily looked up to the edge of the Great Hall where Severus was leaning against the wall. Well, it was hard not to become friends with the others: James was an unfortunate side along. 

Lily frowned, “He’s not my boyfriend.” turning sharply, she broke away from the rest of the Gryffindors and did her best to drown out the sound of James cackling. 

Severus glared at James as the rest of the Gryffindors shuffled into the hall for lunch. 

“What a tosser.” Severus folded his arms over his chest grumpily. He looked like a very displeased kitten, it was rather cute, not that Lily would ever say. 

“I know, you won’t believe what he did in Charms today.” 

“Was it worse than the switching spell incident?” 

“Much worse.” The memory of the screeching clock was enough to make her cringe. “Just thinking about it hurts.” 

“Idiot.” Sev rolled his eyes, then pulled out two napkin wrapped sandwiches, handing one to Lily. First-years tended to stick to the Great Hall for mealtime, but it wasn’t mandatory.

Lily bit into her sandwich as they exited the castle into the courtyard. Early October brought in the Scottish overcast and chill, but it was still warm enough for those wishing for a breath of fresh air. Groups of students spotted the lawn, studying and chatting over their own lunches.

Severus launched into a tangent about Adrian Mulciber, whom Sev couldn’t stand and Lily tolerated even less. Severus and his roommates had gotten off to a frigid start. Mostly out of disapproval of Severus’ decision to continue to associate with Lily. Apparently, the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin was as old as the halls of Hogwarts itself. Crossing enemy lines was considered an unforgivable betrayal of house loyalty.

Severus had never had an easy time making friends. He had always been a quiet child, sticking to himself or picking fights when he didn’t. It didn’t help that Severus’ roommates were some of the rudest, most intolerable boys Lily had ever met, nearly as bad as James Potter. 

“He doesn’t have the slightest understanding of magic.” Severus complained, he was walking along the top of the shallow retaining wall that held in various shrubbery, arms extended to keep his balance. “Think’s it’s all about following procedures and blindly flicking their wands. There’s no vision, no grasp of the underlying structure.” 

Mulciber and Severus had gotten into an argument because Mulciber didn’t believe it was possible to invent new spells. Severus had tried to explain that was how all spells were made, but it wouldn’t seem to go through Mulciber’s thick skull. 

“Not everyone gets magic like you and I do, Sev.” 

It wasn’t just Mulciber. Most of her classmates, the ones from wizard families, viewed magic as a set of rules and procedures to follow. Say these words, swish a wand just so. But none of them seemed to understand magic. Magic was alive and mailable, something to be explored, but the other wizards, especially the “pure-bloods” as they called themselves, didn’t seem to see it that way. They reeked of snobbish idiocy, Lily could smell it from across the hall, they oozed of it: overconfidence and incuriosity. 

 …

Time felt slippery at Hogwarts, both too slow and too fast. Before Lily knew it, November was approaching and she felt both like she’d just arrived and had been there all her life.   

“D’you think it hurts?” Lily looked sceptically at the stark white mouse on the desk in front of her. Professor McGonagall had graduated them from flies to mice, distributing to each student their own squeaking ball of fur with which they were to transform into a teacup. 

“Does what hurt?” Severus asked, holding his own mouse by the tail, inspecting it thoroughly. The mouse squirmed helplessly, front legs reaching fruitlessly for its own tail.

“The mouse.” Lily peered into the beady red eyes of the rodent, but it didn’t seem interested or capable of answering her.

“I don’t know, who cares?” Evan Rosier droned, from the other side of Severus. Lily and Severus acted as both a bridge and barricade between the Slytherin and Gryffindor sides of the class. 

“The mouse probably.” Mary said, petting her own rat on its little head.  

“It’s a mouse .” 

“They wouldn’t have us do it if it hurt the mouse.” Pandora determined, but Lily wasn’t quite as confident. Professor McGonagall certainly didn’t seem like the type to torture mice. And she could turn into a cat, after all, so she must have been somewhat sympathetic to the lives of animals. But then again, she could turn into a cat, and cats ate mice.

“Don’t be such a muggle, Evans.” Rosier swished his wand, transforming his mouse into a pristine porcelain teacup. Lily scowled, there was nothing muggleish about being concerned for the wellbeing of mice. Did Rosier even know what muggles did to mice? They set little tiny traps for them that chopped their heads off. 

Lily sent a silent apology to her mouse, then transformed it into a scalloped edged teacup with tiny red flowers. Rosier’s teacup squeaked, then snapped back into a mouse, pulling a startled shriek out of him. 

Mary burst into wild laughter and Severus smirked. “Unfortunate Rosier, perhaps if you weren’t such a muggle your spells would last longer than a minute.” Rosier scowled as his cheeks filled pink. Lily’s mouse stayed a teacup until the end of the lesson. 

…

Unlike her other professors, who had jumped right into spells and practical applications, Slughorn had yet to allow the first-year students to brew a single potion. He insisted that a remedial understanding of potions was absolutely necessary before one began mixing magical ingredients. So potions classes consisted of rifling through lists of different ingredients, categorising them, and learning about their properties. Professor Slughorn did, however, promise them all that they would be allowed to brew one potion before the end of term. 

Each week, Slughorn gave them a wickedly difficult quiz and promised only once every student passed the quiz would the class be allowed to brew. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws passed the week before, leaving the joint Gryffindor and Slytherin class determined to catch up. 

“What ingredient can be mixed with lionfish liver to create a cure for headaches?” Mary read off a question from last year’s version of the exam that Marlene had provided them. The first-year Gryffindors were huddled around a table in the library, potions books spread about. Lily had invited Severus, but he refused to spend leisure time around the other Gryffindors, and besides, he’d passed the quiz the first time around (or so he believed, Slughorn wouldn’t actually tell them who had passed or failed) Mary sat cross legged on top of the table, self-appointed leader of their study group. 

“Is it lavender?” Peter asked. A well reasoned guess, even Lily’s muggle mum would often use lavender scented lotion to ease a throbbing head. 

“Nope!” 

Lily flipped through her notes, headaches were often caused by sleeplessness and dehydration. “What about mandrake root?” She guessed. “That’s used in a lot of restorative potions.” 

“You can’t mix mandrake root with lionfish liver, it causes living snot.” Sirius said, balancing his chair on the back legs, Lily didn’t even think he’d been listening. Lily flipped back and forth over her notes on mandrake root, there was nothing about the adverse effects of mixing with lionfish liver. 

“Are you sure? There’s nothing on that in our notes.” 

“Yes, I’m sure. Everyone knows that, Evans.” Sirius rolled his eyes, posh accent peeking out. “It’s probably star grass. That's used in anti-swelling potions.” 

“That’s it. Good catch, Black.” Mary said, Lily scowled. Clearly, everyone didn’t know that. Sirius was nearly as infuriating as James (who was sitting on the floor against the stacks, preoccupied with trying to twirl his wand, and hadn’t so much as cracked open his potions textbook), he was absurdly dramatic and terribly spoiled, with a tendency to talk down to, well, everyone.   

“Did you know that about Mandrake?” Lily whispered to Remus, who was hunched over his potions textbook, his nose barely an inch from the page. Remus shrugged. 

“It’s because mandrake root has a tendency to animate unliving things. That’s what makes it so powerful in healing potions, but the restorative properties of lionfish liver are so strong that it turns the whole potion into sentient goo. Creepy stuff too, my brother got it on him once and it caused his hand to develop a mind of its own, he had to cut it off and grow a new one from scratch.” Lily gaped at Pandora, who seemed unaffected by the disturbing nature of the information she’d just shared. 

“That’s bloody terrifying.” Peter shuttered, Pandora shrugged. 

“He did it on purpose, he wanted to see what would happen.” 

“Bloody Ravenclaws.” Sirius mumbled. 

Thankfully, they passed Slughorn’s test just in the nick of time and spent the final week before winter hols learning to brew an antidote to common poison. Which Lily secretly thought was a bit of a letdown. 

“You’re staying here?” Lily trailed behind Severus out of their final transfiguration class of the term. “Why?” 

“Lots of kids stay here.” Sev shrugged. 

“Not lots. Come on Sev, don't you want to be home for Christmas?” Severus hitched up an eyebrow.

“Not really. Avery is staying behind too, it won’t be bad.” 

“That idiot? You can’t really want to spend the Hols with him.” Severus shrugged again. 

“You wouldn’t even have to go home if you wanted, you could stay at mine. My parents would love to have you.” 

“Just drop it Lil.” They reached the stairs, and Severus turned sharply to stomp down toward the dungeon. 

…

The journey out of Hogwarts was completely unlike their arrival. Horseless carriages trimmed in red and gold and covered in holly waited for them outside the grand terrace. Snow blanketed the entire countryside and the carriages took them through the village of Hogsmeade, which had been lit up and decorated like a Christmas village. 

“This looks almost exactly like the village in Montreux.” Pandora leaned over the side of the carriage, resting her head in her arms. She had spoken of little else in the week leading up to the hols. The Selwyn family had a chalet in Switzerland where they spent every Christmas. Rumour was, Santa was a real wizard who lived in Montreux, but Lily was certain Pandora had just been spinning tall tales about that. 

“You’ll have to come with us next year, oh promise you will?” Pandora was intent on teaching Lily and Mary about wizard skiing (which as far as Lily could tell, was the exact same as muggle skiing, but in all fairness, Lily had never done that either).

“Don’t you think you should ask your parents first before inviting people to their house for Christmas?” Marlene laughed. 

“Why? It’s my house as much as theirs. Besides, mums love when we bring friends along. Apollo and Theus are always bringing friends home for the hols.” Pandora’s brothers were both named after Greek Gods of knowledge, like Pandora herself. Wizards tended to have silly names, and the old Wizarding families seemed to all have both pretentious and silly names (like Sirius, who had once spent an entire hour explaining the entirety of his family tree and the significance of his name, not that anyone had asked.) 

“I don’t think my parents would let me miss Christmas, they already can’t stand that I’m away for school.” Mary said as the carriage came to a stop and they moved to board the train. 

“Bring them!” Pandora said. “Mums would love that, they’ve never had any muggle friends.” 

“Next thing you know, she’ll have invited the whole school.” Marlene snorted, leading them through the train and jostling other people out of the way in her efforts to snatch an empty compartment. 

“Well anyone who wants to come is welcome.” Pandora said as they shuffled into seats. Marlene let out a sharp laugh and leaned out of the compartment. 

“Hey! Pandora says we’re all invited to her parents’ for Christmas!” She shouted down the train corridor. 

“Shut up McKinnon!” Someone in the hall yelled back and Marlene collapsed back into the compartment, cackling wildly. 

“Stop teasing her Marls, I think it’s sweet.” Lily said. 

“Oh, it is sweet. Are you sure you aren’t secretly a Hufflepuff ‘Dora?”  

“I think we’re all a little bit of every house don’t you think?” Pandora said. 

“Ugh, there is no part of me that’s a Slytherin.” Marlene made a face. 

“I think you’d make a great Slytherin Marls.” Lily egged, Marlene gasped. 

“You take that back! Take that back right now!” 

“Green really is a wonderful colour on you.” Mary added, dissolving into an infectious laugh. 

“Traitors! Both of you! I can’t believe you’d do this to me after I so generously took you under my wing.” The girls laughed harder until Marlene eventually relented to it, falling into a fit of giggles. 

The train ride from Hogsmeade to London was long and Lily couldn’t help the waves of sleep that pulled at her. Mary took out her record player and used musea to make it spin round, filling the compartment with a soothing soundtrack that matched the running snowy countryside. 

Rattling from the corridor shook away their serenity, and someone slammed into the compartment door before ripping it open. Sirius stood there, flush-faced and robes rumpled from running. 

“Is James in here?” He heaved, out of breath. 

“Does it look like James is in here?” Lily replied. 

“Right, dammit.” He swore, turning away before stopping abruptly. “What is that?” He asked, wide-eyed at Mary’s record player, which was spinning along to the tune of Oo You.

“It’s a record player.” 

“It’s making that music?” 

“Yeah?” Sirius paused, brows furrowing intently, concentrating on the sound. 

“It’s muggle music?” 

“Yeah, what of it Black?” 

“Nothing. I-who is it?” 

“Paul McCartney.” 

“Who’s that?” 

“Seriously? From the Beatles.” 

“Like the bugs?”

“You’ve got to be- you don’t know who The Beatles are?” Sirius shrugged. 

“Bloody purebloods.” Mary grumbled. “Sit down Black, I’m about to change your life.” Mary forced him into the seat between herself and Lily, before digging through her bag. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Just shut up and listen.” Mary said, switching the track to Sgt. Pepper’s. Sirius did as he was told whilst Mary stared at him intently, mouthing along to the lyrics as the songs went by. 

Midway through Lovely Rita there was a knock on the carriage door, and Remus peaked his head in. 

“Oh, there you are. Peter and I got worried when you and James didn’t come back.”

“Remus!” Sirius sprang up. “Did you know about The Beatles?” 

“What? Yeah?” 

“They’re brilliant, absolutely brilliant.” 

“Yeah, I guess- where’s James?” 

“No idea.” 

“Well come on, I’m getting worried.” 

“But-“ Sirius looked longingly at the record player. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you all of The Beatles' music next term.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. Now come on, we need to find James before the train docks.” Remus pulled Sirius out of the compartment. 

When the door closed Mary burst out into a fit of giggles. “Bloody hopeless that one is.” 

When the train pulled into platform 9 and ¾ an excited melancholy filled the air. The excitement for the reunification of families and anticipation of the relaxing holiday mixed with the tinge of separation of newfound friends. 

“You’ve got my number right?” Mary asked, hugging Lily tightly on the platform. 

“You made me write it down three separate times.” Lily laughed. 

“Good, cuz these two berks couldn’t work a payphone if their lives depended on it, so if you don’t call I’ll be dreadfully lonely.” Mary said, dramatic twinge to her voice. 

“Oi! I could too!” Marlene shoved Mary’s shoulder. 

“Willing to wager on that Marls?” Lily giggled. 

“Absolutely, I’ll do it! I’ll call both of you on Christmas morning!” 

“Five Galleons says you won’t.” 

“Hey, Pandy! Hurry up!” A voice shouted from across the platform. Pandora’s brothers were waiting near the disguised wall, ushering Pandora over. 

“I best be off, ‘Pollo gets so tetchy after the train.” She blew a kiss in Lily and Mary’s direction, then took off running. “Happy Christmas!” 

Lily spotted her parents looking out of place and overwhelmed, surrounded by wizards, and bid her friends goodbye. She ran to her parents in an excited skip, but her excitement quickly fizzled when she realised Petunia hadn’t come with to greet her. Never mind that though, she’d see her soon enough.

Chapter Text

A persistent rapping on the window pulled Petunia out of sleep. She squinted, behind the window a blur of brown sharpening to a large barn owl. An actual, real life owl. It was Sunday and must have been early, given Petunia’s mother had yet to wake her for church, as she usually did on Sunday mornings. The owl continued tapping, relentlessly, the ridiculous bird. Petunia slipped out of bed and cracked the window, just a few inches. She was not about to let a wild barn owl into her room.

The owl stared at her with its wide and unblinking eyes, then pointed its beak at the crack in the window. Petunia sighed, pulling the window all the way up. The bird flew inside and landed on the desk, a slightly damp envelope tied around its leg. Petunia removed the letter, careful to keep her hands as far away from the owl’s beastly talons. 

“All right then, away with you.” She said to the bird, who blinked at her before flitting out the window. Petunia shut the window with a relieved sigh. Severus had told her about the post by owl, but Petunia had been convinced that was a joke, just another way for Severus to make fun of her and her ‘muggleness’. 

The letter was spotted with rain and enclosed by a gold wax seal, like something out of a Victorian novel. Petunia flopped back down on her bed and opened the letter. 

Lily had promised to write right away, but as the weeks slipped by Petunia wondered if her letter had gotten lost in the mail, then wondered if Hogwarts was actually a secret ploy to capture Lily and use her in some nefarious plot. But as Petunia read over the contents of Lily’s letter the truth became clear, Lily had simply forgotten to write because she was just having too much fun . 

Dear Petunia, 

I’m so sorry I didn't write earlier, Hogwarts is absolutely wonderful, even better than Sev described! And there’s magic everywhere, well- I guess that was to be expected but I still can’t believe it. All of the paintings move and speak and there are ghosts everywhere. Can you believe it? Ghosts. My history teacher is one as well. 

(That didn’t sound nice at all, that sounded terrifying. And untrue, if ghosts were real surely Petunia would have seen one. Did ghosts only hang out at magical schools? Perhaps the professor was just rather pale?)

Severus and I were sorted into separate houses, and I was a bit nervous at first, about us being separated. Gryffindor House is the house of bravery, which I’m not quite sure is the right place for me. Not that I’m not brave, or anything, but Marlene says the hat never makes mistakes. The sorting hat that is, he’s a magical hat that can see into your mind and decides what house you’re best in. Anyway, I wasn’t sure it would be a good fit for me at first, but it's been alright. I have the most wonderful roommates. Mary is a muggle-born, like me. She’s from London and is absolutely the chicest person I’ve ever met. And there’s Pandora, her parents are both magical and her mum is a Veela, which I think is a kind of fairy. She tried to explain, but I'm not sure I understood. And Marlene of course. Marlene is a year older but there were no other girls in her year so she bunks with us. Marlene is only a year older but she’s so good with magic already, last week she made a fireball that she was able to juggle without burning her hands at all. It's so exciting to think of what I’ll be able to do with magic in just a year's time. 

( Petunia was glad Lily had made friends, really. Lily had always been a bit of a strange child, she’d never had any truly good friends besides Severus. According to Sev, it was because muggles were shallow and made bad friends. Petunia thought it was because Lily was easily distracted. But it seemed, Severus had been right, seeing as Lily wouldn’t shut up about her new friends.)

And you wouldn’t believe the magic our Professors can do. Just the other day our potions professor let us try a potion for super strength, it made me strong enough to lift my whole bunk. And Professor Flitwick, my charms teacher, taught us how to make things float properly, you know how I always had trouble with that, turns out all I needed was a bit of help from my wand. Pandora even figured out how to make soap bubbles float and follow her from class to class. 

(Well wasn’t that lovely)

I had my first flying lesson today, that actually reminded me to write to you. It was absolutely terrifying, I was worried I'd fall off my broomstick the whole time, but Professor Hooch didn’t let us go higher than a few metres off the ground so I reckon it wouldn't’ve been too bad if i did.

(Petunia wondered if Lily was able to make things fly, even herself, what was stopping her from making Petunia fly? What she wouldn’t give to try it, just once, to jump and have her feet not hit the ground. Lily would probably do it if Petunia asked, but Petunia never would.)

I’ve also been learning so many interesting things about magical history. Like did you know that Merlin was a real person? Same with King Arthur, all the old legends really. I can’t believe wizards have been able to keep all of this a secret for so long. 

(That was the part that bothered her the most, all the lying to non-wizards. How were people supposed to trust themselves? trust science? Or the world, if they couldn’t know the truth. Were any of the things they taught in Petunia’s history books the truth, the real truth? Or simply half truths made up to work around the existence of magic?) 

Anyway, how are Mum and Dad? Have I missed anything at home? Write soon!

Love,

Lily

Petunia read over the letter three times, a sour feeling settling in her chest. She couldn’t reply to Lily’s letter because she didn’t have a bloody owl. How on earth was she expected to send a letter to a place that only accepted mail by magical bird? 

…

Petunia moved through life like she was in a dream. Half there, half somewhere else. She felt submerged underwater, while the world moved around her at full speed. Cokeworth had been overcast all of September and only grew more dreary as time wandered into October. 

School hardly held Petunia’s attention. Her mind was constantly occupied with searching for little remnants of magic. The knowledge of magic had cracked her open and she couldn’t stop. She’d catch a pixie rifling through a waste bin or catch a glimpse of a witch before she disappeared into nothingness. Petunia was going mad from it. She felt like one of those people with tinfoil hats prattling on about the existence of aliens. Not that Petunia would tell anyone about magic. Who would believe her anyway? 

Petunia envied her parents, who were impressed but otherwise unaffected by the existence of magic. “I’d always suspected there might be something out there.” Her mother had told her. Apparently, her great-great aunt had been something of a witch, though no one had really believed her capable of real magic. Severus had said it was like that, muggle-born witches usually had wizards in their family tree. ‘Magic doesn’t come from nowhere,’ he’d told her.

Lily didn’t write again. Perhaps she was waiting for Petunia’s reply, or perhaps she had just been too busy and forgotten all about Petunia. The thought burned in the back of her throat: Lily with her new friends, at her new school, learning all about magic that Petunia wasn’t allowed to know about, forgetting all about Petunia. She developed a recurring anxiety that one day she’d wake up and find that she’d never had a sister at all: that Lily was just someone she’d made up. 

Petunia dreamt she was flying, wind in her hair, tethered to nothing but a rickety broomstick. She crashed to the ground when she woke. Occasionally, when she grew bored of her teacher’s lessons, she’d find herself staring off into space, gaze fixed on some nicknack and she’d startle herself with the realisation that she was trying to make it move with magic. Whenever she caught herself in the act, she was vigilant in quickly redirecting her attention. Nothing held it quite like magic did though. 

By November, the winter winds had moved in, blanketing the countryside with ice and sleet. Petunia’s face had gone red and frozen as she walked home from school. Not even her thickest winter coat could keep her warm. It was a Friday and Petunia’s best friend Lottie was rambling enthusiastically about some piece of gossip involving Virginia Matthews and a convertible, hoping to distract them from the freezing weather. If Lottie had noticed Petunia’s absentmindedness the past few months, she hadn’t commented on it. It was either tact or self-centeredness, Petunia didn’t quite care which. 

“If dragons were real, would you want to know about them?” Petunia asked suddenly, ignoring Lottie’s rather rude statement about Virginia’s supposed interest in luxury vehicles.  

“What kind of question is that?” Lottie laughed. 

Petunia shrugged. “I don’t know. But just imagine it, if wizards and fairies and all that stuff were real, would you want to know?” She was teetering on the edge of the rules, Petunia knew. But the secrecy of magic was a Wizarding rule, and Petunia was no wizard. 

“You’re reading too many of those fantasy books again, Petty. Those things melt your brain, you know.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

“I think I would.” Lottie finally decided. “ If, all those things were real, I think I’d want to know, wouldn’t everyone?” 

Severus had said something funny to her once: That muggles were too preoccupied with the ongoings of their own lives to care about magic. That if they really wanted to know about magic, all they had to do was look for it. Muggles lived for the mundane, and wizards lived for the wondrous. Petunia did read too many fantasy books, about mermaids and mythical lands and magic wands, all written by muggles who dreamed of nothing but the wondrous. So she wasn’t inclined to believe Severus. 

When her parents made the trip again to London to retrieve Lily, Petunia stayed behind. It was nothing malicious or petty that kept her behind, only, it was three hours, both ways, and her parents' car was old and it rattled. Petunia often found long journeys made her vaguely ill. So upon being given the choice to stay behind, Petunia jumped at it. Could you blame her? 

Lily rushed into the house like a flurry, bringing in the cold and strewing her belongings about the living room. Red and gold scarf on the sofa, snow-packed shoes kicked off and leaking onto the floor. She squealed at the sight of Petunia, launching at her from across the kitchen. 

Mum made a huge batch of Spaghetti Carbonara- Lily’s favourite, for dinner. Not five minutes in did Lily pull out her wand, which she had been hiding up the sleeve of her funny-looking dress, and wave it over her napkin, which began floating up toward the ceiling. 

“Professor McGonagall says my wand form is impeccable.” Lily twirled her wand and the napkin followed, spinning through the air before falling back down to the table. “Can you believe that? I was so nervous before I got to school since so many of the other students came from Wizarding families, I was worried I might not be able to keep up, but it really hasn’t been a problem. Besides, most of the other kids my age can hardly tell one end of their wand from the other. I reckon even if I was struggling, I’d still be loads ahead of everyone. Well, except Severus, but he’s brilliant.” Lily had always been a bit haughty, endlessly confident in her own abilities. It was a confidence and arrogance that often left her with skinned knees and upset stomachs as a child. Her sole letter to Petunia had detailed how surprised she’d been to be sorted into Gryffindor House, which was formally known for its bravery and informally known for its brazenness. Lily didn’t think the house was a good fit, but Petunia couldn’t have thought of a better match.

Petunia snorted. “That’s not what I’d call him. Where is he anyway? Didn’t he ride back with you?” 

Lily let out an exasperated sigh. “He stayed behind at school.” 

“Why on earth would he do that?” 

Lily shrugged. “I think he’s avoiding his parents.” 

“Well, I don’t blame him, if Mr. and Mrs. Snape were my parents I’d want to avoid them too.” 

“Petunia!” Her mum scolded. “Don’t be rude.” 

“Well it’s true, you’ve met them.” Holly and Clive had met Mr. and Mrs. Snape once, and it had gone as well as could be expected, which was to say not well at all. For as infuriating as Severus could be at times, didn’t hold a candle to the unpleasantness of his parents. Tobias Snape was a gruff and unfriendly man. He gave the distinct impression of a person who was constantly exhausted, with a short fuse and intolerance for children. His wife Eileen was marginally more pleasant. Severus worshipped her. But she had a cold edge to her: a scornful edge, her words dripped with double meanings and poorly hidden disdain. Eileen had left the Wizarding community to marry Tobias: it was a story of grand love, like Romeo and Juliet. Eileen had come from a distinguished Wizarding family, who didn’t approve of her marrying a non-wizard. Mrs. Snape had never said as much, but Petunia got a distinct impression that she felt cheated: She had given up her family, and her community to be with Mr. Snape, only to find he wasn’t at all worth it. Perhaps if Juliet had lived long enough to really get to know Romeo, she would have become bitter too. Love sounded dreadful, Petunia wanted no part in that kind of mindless nonsense. 

Selfishly, Petunia was glad Severus had decided to stay at Hogwarts, so she wouldn’t have to share Lily with him for Christmas. It would be almost like old times. 

It wasn’t anything like old times. After dinner, Lily had pulled out a candy sack, and from it a leaping, moving frog. Only the frog was entirely brown, chocolate. Lily snatched up the chocolate-covered frog and bit into it, still wiggling as she bit off a leg. Petunia shrieked. 

“It’s not actually alive.” Lily tried to explain. 

“I don’t care! That’s absolutely wretched.” 

“It’s just a charm, I promise.” 

“It’s moving!” Petunia didn’t take herself for a very picky eater, but she absolutely drew the line at moving dinner. Lily rolled her eyes, stuffing the rest of the frog in her mouth. Petunia swore she saw it wiggle in her throat. 

“It’s okay, I guessed you wouldn’t like that one, here try these instead.” Lily opened another package, and out of it floated a rainbow-coloured candy floss, Lily pushed it and it floated over to Petunia. 

“Candy clouds. They’re supposed to taste like the rainbow, but I think that’s just a gimmick, everyone knows rainbows don’t taste like anything.”

Petunia reached out to the ‘cloud’, pulling a piece of it off and popping it in her mouth. It tasted like every fruit Petunia could think of all at once. Despite the many different flavours, she could taste them all clearly, strawberry, blueberry, pineapple, and watermelon, simultaneously but separately. Mostly though, it just tasted like sugar.

“It’s just candy floss.” Petunia frowned but reached out to pull another piece of the cloud. It was a far cry better than the living chocolate.

Hogwarts winter break began a week earlier than Petunia’s. Hogwarts didn’t have mid-term breaks like a normal school, instead tacking on an extra week to the Christmas and Easter holidays. Petunia supposed that was more convenient than shipping kids back and forth from Scotland every other month. 

“Terry invited us to the Cinema tonight.” Lottie said, pulling up next to Petunia’s locker. “That new Bond movie.” Petunia pulled back a groan, James Bond was dead boring. 

“It’s a school night Lot.” 

“I know, but it’s practically the holiday.” 

“I can’t, Lily’s just gotten home from school.” 

“You’re just making excuses aren’t you?” 

“Why would anyone want to sit around watching people shoot at each other for two hours? It’s bloke stuff.”

“Well yeah, but Sean Connery is right dreamy, makes it all worth it.” Lottie giggled and Petunia rolled her eyes properly. Sure, he was a nice enough looking man, but Petunia never quite understood the allure of him or any of the celebrities her friends fawned over. Besides, if she really wanted to look at him, she’d get a picture, not force herself to watch all that spy nonsense. “Oh come on Pet, it’ll be fun!” 

“Fine, fine. But you’ll owe me popcorn.” 

“Deal.” Lottie squealed. “So, your sister’s back from that fancy boarding school of hers is she?” 

“Got in Saturday.”

“Let me guess, she’s let it all go to her head?” Lottie had no idea how right that was. The story she’d told people was that Lily had been accepted into a school for exceptionally gifted children. Which wasn’t technically a lie. Lily was gifted , but it wasn’t quite the sort of gift people expected. 

“Oh, you’ve got no idea. She won’t shut up about it.” Also true, it had been a constant since Lily had been home. It was all flying broomsticks, and Professor McGonagall said this. And Mary said that . And my friend Pandora is vacationing at Santa’s workshop. Petunia didn’t believe that last one for a moment. 

The last week of the term passed quickly (besides the Bond movie, which was the longest hour and a half of Petunia’s life). Most days Petunia would come home to Lily sitting on the kitchen floor with the telephone on her ear and wand sparkling about different charms. 

“Mary says I should come down to London for a few days before school starts up again.” Mary was Lily’s new best friend, apparently. Her parents lived in SoHo and were ‘very cool’, according to Lily, who’d never even met them, so was not exactly a trusted source on the matter.

“Have you even gone to see any of your old friends?” 

“I saw Carrie at the shop with Mum the other day.” 

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well it’s just hard, I don’t want to lie to them, but I can’t tell them about magic or Hogwarts or any of it.” 

“Just talk about other things.” Petunia said but knew it was fruitless, there were no other things. Magic was all consuming. 

Petunia aced her end-of-term exams. Top marks in every subject. There was nothing quite like the satisfaction of looking down at an exam you’ve studied your arse off for and realising the answers came easily. A well prepared exam was like getting bingo the first time around. 

“And I got the highest mark on my Literature essay of anyone in my class. I thought for sure it was a bit daft, but Mrs. Thomas said it was brilliant, brilliant. ” 

“That’s excellent love, you’ve always had a way with words.” Her mum said. 

“Good job Pet! My essays are always a bit rambly, I can never get all my words sorted.” Lily did tend to ramble.

“Well don’t be too hard on yourself sweetie, you’re putting in so much work to learn all that magic, it's already so impressive.” Mum said. Holly always had the habit of coddling Lily. Maybe that was just how mothers were with their youngest daughters.

“That’s true, it’s not really the marks that matter, it’s the magic.” 

Two nights before Christmas, Lily knocked on the door to Petunia’s room. It was late, their parents were both asleep by now. Petunia should have been asleep as well but had found herself trapped in a book. When Lily went to Hogwarts, Petunia stopped reading fantasy books. She couldn’t stand it any longer, even though they had been her favourite. Reading stories about wizards and dragons and all the like just made her more bitter. Petunia put down her copy of Little Women and opened the door. 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Are you upset with me? Because if I’ve done something wrong you should just tell me.” 

“What would I be upset about?” 

“I don’t know! But you never wrote back while I was at school and you’ve been short ever since I got home.” 

Petunia let out a sharp laugh. “Your letter? Lily, how on earth was I supposed to reply to that? You sent it by bloody owl and that school of yours doesn’t exactly have an address.” 

“I-oh. You’re right, I didn’t think…” Lily’s face scrunched into a scowl of frustration and Petunia couldn’t help but laugh in earnest. 

“You berk.” 

“We’ll figure something out yeah? Maybe Mum and Dad can get an owl for home?” Petunia absolutely did not want an owl. They were terrifying, vicious animals, and Petunia wouldn’t stand for one in her home. 

“We’ll figure something out.” Petunia said instead. Surely, such an exclusive and fancy school could spring for a phone line. 

They spent Christmas Eve watching tv specials and Lily demonstrated every charm she had learned that autumn to Petunia. Despite it all, Petunia still loved Lily’s magic. And Lily was more than happy to show Petunia her newly mastered spells. She made fruit jump to life and cold tea piping hot again. She even showed Petunia a particularly concerning spell that could unlock any door. 

“Isn’t that a crime? Imagine if they taught a lock-picking spell at my school.” Lily shrugged. 

“How does it all work? The spells?” 

“What do you mean? It’s magic.” 

“Obviously you ninny. But what makes the particular spell do what you want? All words are just random sounds, how does it work?” 

“I don’t think it’s about the sounds at all, but the intent. Alohomora means ‘unlock’, so it does that. I suppose you could probably make a spell out of anything.”

“Then what’s the point of learning spells at all, when you could just make something up?” 

“I don’t know. Professor McGonagall says magic is temperamental, it likes certain things more than other things.”

“That makes it sound like magic is alive.” 

“I sort of think it is.” 

Petunia and Lily fell asleep on the couch on Christmas Eve and Petunia woke to the sound of the phone ringing. What kind of person called on Christmas morning? The sun had barely started peaking up and Lily was still snoring cantankerously on the couch when Petunia rushed to the kitchen to stop the incessant ringing. 

“Hello?” 

“ Oh! Hi- it worked!” 

“Who is this?” 

“Oh right, er- it’s Marlene, Marlene McKinnon, I’m calling for Lily- Lily Evans? Did I get the number right? I made sure to press the buttons very carefully.” 

“Yes, this is the right number, you know it’s Christmas Morning?” 

“…”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, I forgot you couldn’t see me, I nodded. I’m not used to this whole Telly-phone thing.” 

“Telephone.” 

“That’s what I said, anyway, is Lily there?” 

“Lily! Phone!” A moment later Lily came around the corner, blinking wildly from sleep. 

“What?” 

“Phone.” Petunia held it out. Lily’s eyes went wide. 

“Is that Marlene?” Lily snatched the phone out of Petunia’s hand. “I can’t believe you figured it out!”

Petunia rolled her eyes and started the kettle, while they waited for their parents to wake up. 

“Drat.” Lily said when she finally hung up the phone. “I guess I owe Marls five galleons now. I didn’t think she’d really figure it out.” 

“What kind of person doesn’t know how to use the phone?” 

“Wizards.” 

“Sev knows how to use a phone” 

“Yeah, but he’s got a muggle dad.” 

“Wizards are absolutely helpless.” It didn’t make sense. Sure, wizards had magic, but magic couldn’t do everything. Why wouldn’t wizards use modern technology like the rest of them? Especially when the alternative was communicating by bloody owl?

By the end of Christmas break, Lily and Petunia had set up (an overly convoluted, if you asked Petunia) system for sending letters back and forth, that involved a schedule of predetermined dates that Petunia could have a letter at ready, for when the Hogwart's owl would arrive. The owl would both deliver Lily’s next letter and take back Petunia’s response to Lily’s prior letter. It wasn’t a great plan, but it was better than Lily’s suggestion of “fire calling” which sounded mildly terrifying and Petunia would hardly be able to hear her through the glass of their tiny stove.

The next time the same bloody bird came tapping at her window, Petunia was ready for it, and outfitted the bird with a letter for Lily, full of all the frivolous and pointless things Petunia didn’t really care about, but would pretend to for the sake of Lily thinking she had things worth caring about. And Lily’s letters would prattle on about all the wondrous and impossible things that went on at Hogwarts, it would hurt, reading about it and knowing it was happening and that Petunia couldn’t be there to see for herself, but Petunia kept reading them all the same.

Chapter Text

An abrupt quiet fell over the Great Hall. The day had started with the exciting rush of King’s Cross Station, the cheer of friends reunited, and a long journey squished into a train compartment with the other girls as they swapped gifts and tales from the winter holiday. Perhaps there had been signs, a melancholia from the usually rowdy Hufflepuff table, sullen exhaustion from the older students, a tone of gravity from the professors as students funnelled into the Great Hall for the start of term feast. But whatever signs may have been present went unnoticed. 

The Gryffindor table was stacked high with steaming hot food. A pile of roast potatoes called to Lily: her mouth watered. Her mother’s cooking was good, but paled in comparison to the Hogwarts meals, how she’d missed the perfectly cooked potatoes. Always delightfully crispy and succulently juicy and never too hot or cold. But before the feast could commence, Dumbledore rose to the centre of the stage ushering silence from the hall.

“For those of you returning, I will keep the welcome speech brief. This holiday has brought great grief to many of us.” Lily’s brows crinkled, she’d never heard the Headmaster speak with such gravity. “Dark times are upon us, and I leave you all with this advice: rely on one another, for comfort, and love. In times of darkness, friendship is our guiding light. And if anyone needs, do not be afraid to turn to your heads of house and the other staff. As always, my door is always open.” Dumbledore returned to his seat, but the silence remained, the festivities not quite finding a way to continue.  

“What was that about?” Lily whispered to Mary as the others reluctantly began filling their plates.

“Beats me, the Headmaster’s always been a bit of a wackadoo.” 

Peter leaned over from across the table. “You two haven’t heard?” 

“Heard what?” 

“Phineas Scott died last week.” Mary gasped at Peter’s grave words. The name wasn’t familiar to Lily. 

Pandora let out a little squeak from the other side of Lily. “Oh, that’s horrible!”  

Lily’s stomach twisted with concern. If both Mary and Pandora knew Phineas Scott, surely she did as well. Was he a student? Hogwarts wasn’t a very big school, and Lily had familiarised herself with most of the students. Certainly, he wasn’t a Gryffindor or anyone in their year. Perhaps he was a teacher? 

James leaned next to Peter, an angry tint to his eyes. “He didn’t just die, he was killed.” James lingered on the last word, speaking slowly and loudly. Ka-hil-led. Phineas Scott had been killed. 

“So you say.” Peter scoffed and sank back to his side of the table. 

“What happened?” Lily asked, ignoring Peter’s eye roll.

“The official story is that there was some sort of muggle explosion at his house, he and his family all died. But everyone knows it was really You-Know-Who.” James whispered the last words conspiratorially. Lily most definitely did not know who.

“Oi, Potter, show some respect.” Alice interjected. “Stop spouting off conspiracies, a student is dead.” So Phineas was a student. Guilt ran up Lily’s spine, for forgetting him, or never knowing him at all. Alice’s eyes flicked over to the Hufflepuff table neighbouring their own. Their usual upbeat chatter was replaced with a sullen stillness, hardly moving, hardly eating. Lily glanced at the teacher's table, noticing that Professor Sprout’s seat was empty. 

“It’s not a conspiracy, it-” 

“James.” Sirius said quietly, pulling on James’ shoulder to silence him. Sirius had been rather quiet since they’d arrived back at Hogwarts. Perhaps Sirius knew Phineas. Lily’s heart broke. The only person Lily ever knew who’d died was her grandfather, and he’d been very old and Lily had been very young, she hardly remembered him outside of the black and white portrait of him that Mum kept above the mantel. 

James glared at Sirius but didn’t say anything more and the table fell into an unsteady silence. The sound of cutlery clinking on plates grew louder and louder in the absence of chatter.

Suddenly, Mary threw her fork down and stood up. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.” She shoved off from the table and turned toward the doors. Lily followed her, skipping to catch up. 

“Mary! Mary wait!

The doors to the great hall fell shut behind Lily, closing in all the chatter and clamour of dinner time, the corridor was starkly quiet in comparison. Mary stopped and turned to Lily, eyes squeezed shut before opening into a tight smile. 

“You should go back to dinner.” 

“No, you’re upset.” 

“I just need a moment.” Mary exhaled a slow and deliberate breath. “I’m just being silly, I barely knew him.” Her voice cracked and she slammed her eyes shut again, arms coming up to wrap around herself tightly as she began to cry properly.

“You’re not being silly.” Lily wrapped her arms around Mary as a sob escaped.   

“Only met him properly once really.” Mary mumbled into Lily’s shoulder. “I got lost between classes, and then well, I guess I was feeling a bit homesick, ended up crying on the stairs. Phin found me and helped me get to class. It was that day I was late to Potions, remember?” Mary picked her head up and wiped aggressively at her eye, sniffling. Lily didn’t remember that day, but she nodded anyway.

“Phin was a muggle-born too, he told me that when he first came to Hogwarts, he’d been so terrified of the talking paintings that he couldn’t sleep the first month, nearly wrote his parents to take him out of school. Then he made up an excuse for Slughorn to get me out of detention for being late, perks of being a Prefect I guess.” Mary snorted, a half laugh, half sob.

“Told me lots of muggle-borns have a hard time adjusting to school. But he seemed like- he seemed like he really was-” Mary sobbed. “Sorry, sorry.” Mary stuffed her hands under her glasses into her eyes, as if to hold the tears in. 

“It’s alright.” Lily cooed. “Don’t be sorry.” She set her hands on Mary’s shoulders. “Let’s go back to the dorms, yeah?” 

Even the portraits were quiet as they walked up to Gryffindor Tower. Many of them were vacant, wandering around more interesting landscapes it seemed. Lily swung open the door to their dorm and Mary buried her face in a pile of pillows. Lily perched on the edge of the bed.

Mary peeked her head up “Do you think James was telling the truth about Phin?”

It was possible. Rumours of political unrest had flitted throughout the halls all last term. Whispers amongst the older Gryffindor students that Lily mostly ignored. Lily could hardly keep up with discussions of the Wizarding world. The wizard-born students spoke a mile a minute and rarely stopped to explain. And James was… an instigator. He had opinions on everything, though, in Lily’s opinion, he knew very little. He and Pandora were borderline conspiracy theorists. Either “The Minister of Magic is under a love potion” or “There flesh-eating giant snakes in the sewers of London that the Ministry is covering up” or “The Queen of England is a centaur”. Lily didn’t even know how that last one would even be possible. 

“James is an idiot.” She decided.  

Except, some people did seem to care quite a bit about blood purity. People like Severus’s roommates. And there had been that terrorist attack over the summer that Dorcas had told her about, an explosion, just like this. Was that who You-Know-Who was?

“I wish I could call my mum. It’s crap that there're no phones here.” Mary huffed. Lily couldn’t agree more, especially after the misunderstanding with her letter to Petunia. A phone would make everything so much easier. 

“Maybe we could transfigure one.” Lily mused. Professor McGonagall had already taught them how to transform a book into a jewellery box and a lantern to a tea kettle, how much harder could a telephone be?

“Think that would work?” 

“Don’t see why not.” The idea breathed some life back into Mary, and they began to brainstorm different ways they could make a working telephone until Pandora and Marlene returned from dinner quietly. The other girls entered the dorm on their tiptoes, as if walking on broken glass.

“You two alright?” Marlene inserted herself into Mary’s bed, shoving Mary until she budged over. 

“We brought you leftovers, in case you were still hungry.” Pandora said, placing a silver domed plate on the dresser and took to hovering by the bed next to Lily.

“Cheers Pands.” 

Lily couldn’t get James’ words out of her head, despite the high probability of them being hogwash. But what if it was true? And even if it wasn’t, there was still something going on wasn’t there? Someone out there who had earned such notoriety that Lily was meant to already know of them. “Marlene, who was James talking about? You-know-who?” Marlene froze. Pandora let out a loud, exaggerated sigh, and climbed onto her own bed, resting her head on her fist.

“He calls himself Lord Voldemort.” Pandora answered in Marlene’s stead, voice dripping with contempt.

“Who is he?” 

“Just some sort of political extremist. Wants to be the next Grindewald or something. My Mums think he’s absolutely ridiculous.” Grindelwald, Lily had heard of. The other students still spun tales of his famous defeat by Hogwarts' very own headmaster. 

“Is he the one who caused that explosion at the ministry this summer?” 

“Yeah, absolute megalomaniac, that’s what Theus calls him.” 

“Megalowhata?” Marlene asked. 

“Meg-a-lo-maniac. It means he’s obsessed with himself.” 

“Do you think he’s responsible?” Lily started. “For what happened to Phineas and his family.” Pandora's face flattened as she considered it.

“No, he’s only interested in power, what would killing a random student do for him?” Pandora rolled onto her back. “I bet it was one of his followers.” 

…

The Hufflepuffs held a vigil for Phineas a week later. It was on a Saturday, so as not to interfere with any classes. The vigil was optional, but nearly all the students and professors attended. Phineas had been in his seventh year and had already accepted a position in the Department of International Wizard Cooperation for after graduation, a position he would never get the chance to start now. His friends and professors all spoke of him like he was the best sort of person. A wonderful friend, an excellent duelist, and always one for a good joke. He’d taught all of his dormmates how to play baseball and they’d even been thinking of starting a wizarding league. 

Fabian gave a speech, he must have been asked because he was Head Boy, but it was clear he was a dear friend. The seventh years all sat huddled in the font, leaning on one another and shielding each other’s sobs. One of the girls, in yellow robes and long chestnut ringlets, had attempted to speak next. 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Her voice was harsh and angry. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She said a second time, her voice crumbling into chest shaking sobs until another student helped her off stage. 

Lily kept to the back of the vigil. She couldn’t stop thinking about what James had said. And he hadn’t been the only one. Whispers had filled the halls until they grew past simple rumours. The Daily Prophet had released an article confirming that there had been ‘magical influence’ on the explosion. If Phineas truly had been killed, just for being a muggle-born, what was stopping Voldemort or his followers from coming after Lily’s family, or Mary’s? The mere thought of it brought the taste of bile up her throat.

Dorcas had told her on that very first day that a war was coming. If this Lord Voldemort was actively killing people, attacking the ministry, attacking civilians, then hadn’t the war already begun? 

“Dorcas!” Lily spotted her after the vigil and ran after her. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about Phin.”

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t kill ‘em did you?” There was an edge to her voice, devoid of any of that Hufflepuff spirit.

“Er-no. But it’s just so dreadful.” 

“Yeah.” The whites of her eyes had gone pink from irritation. 

“Has anyone- are there any leads?” Despite all the rumours, there was still no word on who exactly had caused the attack, if there even was an attack. 

“Not that I’ve heard.” Dorcas’s jaw pulled tight, her face stony and unlike any way she’d ever seen her. “Look Lil, I get that you’re just trying to be nice, but I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Right, yeah. Of course.” Lily stepped back, new guilt finding her. 

“If you really want to find out who did it, maybe ask your snake friends.” Dorcas said, then turned on her heel and rushed away. 

Lily had asked Severus about it.

“People will do anything to exaggerate a story.” He’d said, contemptuously glaring at James from across the potions lab as he did. 

“But there were traces of magical tampering.” 

“Magical tampering? Really Lily, that’s just nonsense journalists made up. You can’t track magic like that” Sev rolled his eyes. “Besides, even if it was true, It was probably Scott’s own magic. This is the reason wizards shouldn’t live in muggle houses, it can cause accidents.” 

The other Slytherins seemed to share the sentiment. Sensationalists, they said. Rosier had called it a ‘tragic accident’, Mulciber had called it a ‘not so tragic’ accident. Least to say it didn’t endear them to the other houses. 

…

In the second week of February, Sirius and Rosier got into a bit of a fistfight. Like Pandora, Rosier was someone Sirius knew from their exclusive aristocratic upbringing. “The Sacred 28” Marlene had called them, with an unfriendly sneer. Lily got the impression that Sirius and Rosier had been friends before Hogwarts. Now, they mostly glared at each other and traded inside jokes disguised as convoluted insults.  

Lily didn’t hear what it was this time, but she heard the crack of Sirius’s knuckles across Rosier’s jaw and the subsequent deranged laugh that came from Rosier. 

“Can’t even fight like a wizard now can you?” Rosier said, but then swung his own fist anyway. Sirius dodged and Rosier lunged at him. Sirius caught Rosier’s nose on his fist and Rosier kneed Sirius in the gut. They were making a mess of the corridor, students had quickly gathered 'round to watch the theatrics. Lily caught a glimpse of dark red blood that filled her with an uncontrollable panic. If someone didn’t stop them soon there would surely be more.

“Impedimenta!” Lily waved her wand, slowing the boys to a jelly pace. “Stop it!” She shouted. Remus and Avery pulled them apart from behind. Sirius moved in slow motion as he tried fruitlessly to lunge at Rosier.

“Enough!” A commanding shout rang out throughout the hall. It was the Head Girl, a Slytherin with dark chestnut hair that fell in shiny waves and deliberating icy blue eyes. The circle of students that had surrounded Sirius and Rosier scattered to either side of the walls, Andromeda Black was a force not to be reckoned with. 

“What is the meaning of this?” She planted between the two of them with her hands on her hips, sternly glaring between Sirius and Rosier.

“He started it!” Sirius cried. 

“I don’t care, you will all stop it at once. Twenty points from each of you!” 

“But Andy-“

“Don’t ‘Andy’ me, Sirius.”

“Twenty! I didn’t do anything! Sirius attacked me!” Rosier protested, and with blood dripping from his nose it certainly looked that way. 

“Evan, I don't have the patience for this today. Go to the infirmary now.” 

“But-“ 

“Now. Unless you want me to tell your Father-“ Rosier froze and shook his head. Avery tugged on his shoulders and pulled him down the hall, glaring at Sirius all the while.

“And all of you.” Andromeda glared down at the swarm of frozen students. “Stop standing around gaping and go to your dorms.” 

Sirius moved towards the left side of the hall towards James and Peter but was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. “Not you, you’re coming with me.” Andromeda dragged Sirius down the corridor, but stopped for a sudden moment, turning back to look Lily directly in the eye.

“And you.” Lily’s chest seized, magic wasn’t allowed in the corridors. “Good thinking on the slowing jinx.” Andromeda’s lips quirked up briefly, before dragging Sirius away.

“Do you think he’ll be expelled?” Sev asked, amusement in his voice.

“It was just one punch.” Lily had seen much bigger brawls, both back at home and at Hogwarts. The really intense ones typically took place between the older students but had never resulted in expulsion. Lily didn’t know what would constitute such a horrid fate, but she doubted a single thrown fist would be it. 

“Just one punch?” Sev scoffed. “Succumbing to that Gryffindor brutishness I see.” 

“Oh bugger off, you know as well as I do that Rosier deserved it.” Severus’ smirk faded into a stone set grimace. 

“Did he? And what exactly did he do to deserve it?” 

“Well I- I’m not, I didn’t actually hear-“

“Oh, you didn’t actually hear? But you’re just going to assume Evan deserved it because Black is just so principled?”   

“No, I’m assuming he did because he’s a jerk, you know he is.”

“So because he’s a jerk, he deserves to be hit?” Lily came to a halt, realising her mistake. Severus was tight-lipped when it came to his home life, but Lily was no fool. She’d seen the bruises blooming on his arms and heard the screaming matches between himself and Mr. Snape. She’d heard the nasty, wretched ways Mr. Snape would chastise his son, telling him he only got what he deserved. Lily looked desperately at Severus, who was staring back with a hard-set, blazing eyes.  

“No, I didn’t say that.” Lily stuttered out. Or maybe she had, she couldn’t remember, her head felt all mixed up. Severus squeezed his eyes shut before huffing loudly.

“I knew this would happen, I knew those Gryffindors would corrupt you.” Or maybe it really was about their stupid house rivalry.

“Corrupt me? Well if that’s what you think I best be on my way. I wouldn’t want to corrupt you too.” Lily spun around. The hallway was empty now, the other students all returned to their dorms or otherwise scattered. 

“Wait, Lily. Lily-” Severus grabbed the sleeve of her robe, voice turning desperate and stricken. “I’m sorry, that was- sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Lily sighed. “I’m sorry Sirius punched your friend.” She conceded.

“It’s fine, he’s not my friend.” Sev decided. 

When Lily returned to the Gryffindor common room Mary, Pandora, Peter, and James were all circled around on floor pillows (the other furniture was firmly claimed by elder students, who were more than willing to intimidate even the likes of James Potter for couch privileges) James’s head perked up and swivelled on Lily’s entry. 

“Oh, it’s just you.” He slumped back down. 

Mary wiggled over to make room for Lily on her pillow. “He’s been gushing over Sirius’s ‘act of valour’ for the past ten minutes. Pretty sure they’ll snog once he’s back.” Mary snorted and wiggled her eyebrows at James.

“Oh shove off Macdonald. You thought it was pretty brilliant too. Did you see Rosie’s face when Sirius hit him? It was all like-“ James did a poor mimicry of a shocked face then dissolved into giggling, evidently so entertained by his own mockery. Maybe Severus had a point about Gryffindors, or at least the likes of James, who revelled at the thought of Rosier’s misery.

“He shouldn’t go around hitting people.” Lily said and James scrunched his nose at her. 

“Oh great, buzzkill Evans is back suck out all the fun.” 

“I’d rather be a buzzkill than celebrate someone getting hurt.” Lily scowled back at him and flipped over away from him.

“Oh come on Lily, Rosier will be fine. Besides, Sirius was defending your honour, you should be thanking him.” Lily whipped her head up.

“What are you talking about?” 

“Rosier called you a mu-“

“James.” Peter loudly whispered, cutting him off. “Maybe you shouldn’t say.” The two of them stared at each other, Peter seemingly trying to send some silent message to James without saying so, and James gaped back in confusion, neither of them particularly skilled in legilimency.

But Lily didn’t need to hear the rest of James’ sentence to know exactly what he meant. The first time she’d heard the word it was just a whisper under someone’s breath. Billy Harrington, the only other muggle-born in their year, had asked Professor Sprout a question about the difference between mandrake and mayapple and Fiona Allard had whispered loudly ‘I can’t believe we have to waste all this time on these idiot mudbloods’, Billy didn’t ask questions after that.

“Why? She should know, especially if she’s going to go around defending Rosier.” 

“I wasn’t defending him.” Lily clarified. What was it about boys? It was as if everything was a war and if you weren’t with them you were against them. Not everything needed to be a fight. Rosier was a miserable bogart, but that wasn’t something that could be solved with fists and blood. 

Just then, Sirius came tumbling back through the portrait, looking rather affronted at the sight of all of them staring back at him. “What?” 

“That was brilliant mate!” James cheered. 

“What happened?” Pandora asked.

“Did you get detention?” Peter asked. 

“Nah, Andy’s a big softy, let me off the hook.” Sirius smirked and plopped down in the middle of the circle, leaning back on his elbows and shoving his feet under James. 

“Probably knew Rosie got what ‘as comin' to him.” James grinned. 

“Where’s Rem?” Sirius asked. 

“Dunno, he didn’t come back with us, thought he might be waiting for you.” Sirius shrugged and James launched back into lauding over Sirius’s right hook. Thankfully, Marlene returned from Quidditch practice soon after and ushered the girls to their dorm, leaving the boys to their violent fantasies. 

The next morning was Saturday and Lily woke up at first light to visit the owlery. There was no need to visit so early, she had all day, but fighting with Severus always made Lily eager to talk to Petunia. She dashed down the stairs from the girl’s dormitories to the common room, which was empty, save for a sleeping Sirius Black, who was passed out in an armchair. He jumped awake at the pad of her footsteps. 

“Huh?” Sirius blinked. “Oh-hey Evans.” 

“Did you sleep out here?” Lily leaned over him. Sirius very seldom looked truly dishevelled, his robes were twisted up around him and his stark black hair was stringy and sticking in odd directions. 

“Shi-is it morning?” He squinted at her and jerked to a sitting position, the weave of the chair had left a large red imprint across his cheek. 

“Yeah? You did sleep out here.” She determined. 

“I was waiting for Remus to come back, must’ve fallen asleep.” He stiffened out into a stretch and blinked again. His brows knitted together, as Lily came to a likely similar conclusion: Remus had never come back to the dorms last night. 

“Perhaps he wasn’t feeling well and went to the infirmary? He did just have that flu, perhaps it came back.” 

Sirius frowned, “Maybe.” 

“I’m headed up to the owlery, I could check if you want?” 

“Yeah? Would you?” Lily nodded, but a nagging thought from the night before kept her rooted in place.

“Why did you punch Rosier yesterday?” 

Sirius groaned, “I don’t need another lecture about the harms of violence, least of all from you.” 

“No, that’s not what I- James said it was about me.” 

“It wasn’t about you.” 

“Oh, but James said-“

“It wasn’t about you.” Sirius said, more sternly than before. 

“Right, yeah- alright.” Lily turned and left the common room.

Remus was indeed in the infirmary. Migraine, the poor dear. Madam Pomfrey told her but refused to let Lily see him, so as not to disturb his resting. Lily considered asking after Rosier as well. Was he still in the infirmary? Had the bleeding stopped on its own or had it needed intervention? Had Sirius broken his nose? Sirius was a bit willowy, so Lily doubted he’d have managed it anyway. 

On Tuesday, when Remus still hadn’t returned to class, Lily went to the infirmary again, this time, she was allowed to see him. 

“I brought you notes from the last few days, I had a feeling the others wouldn’t think of it.” James, Peter, and Sirius had been to the infirmary every day to check on Remus, but even if they had thought to bring Remus notes from class, Lily doubted they would be all that reliable. Remus was by far the most studious of the lot. “My dad was a Ravenclaw”, he’d said as an explanation once, but Pandora’s whole family were Ravenclaws and Lily was more likely to find her doodling in the margins of textbooks than reading them. 

“Thank you.” Remus looked ghostly, his skin was gaunt and his eyes were sunken and red-rimmed. Must have been a doozy of a migraine. He kept the flimsy hospital blanket pulled up tight to his armpits. 

“Are you feeling better?” 

“A bit yeah, Pomfrey says I can come back to class tomorrow probably.” 

“That’s good. I’m sorry you’ve had to miss so much school.” 

“‘Sokay, not your fault.” He thanked her again for the notes. 

Remus ended up missing two more days of school, and Lily brought him the notes from those lessons as well. Three weeks later, he was in the infirmary again, that time with a broken ankle he’d received by tripping down the stairs. “Rotten luck you’ve got.” Lily told him, which made Remus laugh, albeit weekly. She started relaxing summaries of the day's lessons as well as providing notes. Remus never asked her to, she suspected he was too embarrassed to, but he was noticeably less stressed in class, which was well worth it. 

“Thank you.” Remus sighed in relief when Lily and Mary arrived with a potted plant in tow, so big that they had to each take one side and shuffle all the way from the greenhouse. 

Professor Sprout had assigned them the task of caring for butterfly sprouts a week ago, which required daily maintenance, but Remus had been in the infirmary for three days with a broken ankle.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on her for you Lupin, but she was looking a little worse for wear so we thought we’d bring her by.” Butterfly sprouts were made from plain celery seeds, but when combined with a particular incantation during the germination process, they bonded to the wizard who tended to them’s magic and would bloom into a different, unique flower depending on the gardener. When the seeds were harvested they could be used to make all sorts of personalised potions suited to that specific wizard, but in turn, they relied on that particular witch or wizard, without which, they would wither. 

“Thanks, Mary, you’re a lifesaver.” Remus reached for his wand on the bedside table, wincing at the movement, and clutching his side. 

“Thought you had a broken ankle?” Mary asked. 

“I do.” Remus tried again, grimacing as he snatched up his wand. “Just bruised a few ribs on the fall as well.” Lily had never met anyone with such a penchant for injury as Remus Lupin. On the second week of school, he’d come down with a wretched stomach bug, he’d caught the flu twice and broken an ankle and an arm, not to mention the frequent migraines. Lily would have thought with all the magic in the Wizarding World there would be at least a cure for those. 

…

Lily and Mary were making headway on their telephone project. The transfiguration itself had turned out to be rather simple, after several modifications, they were able to make a passable phone with a working dial out of an old pair of trainers. However, it was making the thing work that presented the bigger challenge. They still hadn’t gotten around Hogwarts' lack of electricity problem. They’d attempted using a lightning charm, but that had blown the phone to smithereens the first time. The second time, Lily had changed the spell slightly, and the phone did not blow up, but did start puffing smoke and cracked right down the middle. On the eighth try, the phone seemed to do nothing at all, no sparks or smoke, so Lily picked up the phone and punched in familiar numbers.

The dial tone rang out, once, twice. 

“Hello?” 

“Pet!” Lily shouted into the receiver. 

“Lily?” 

“It worked!” Lily shouted gleefully. Mary’s hands shot up in excitement.

“Yes!” 

“We got the phone to work finally!” Lily said into the phone. 

“Took you long en-“ Petunia’s voice cut out and was replaced with a man’s voice.

“Projected stocks are risi-“ 

“Oh-er um Pet? Can you hear me?” The receiver filled with static again. 

“Lily? Lilly?” Petunia’s voice returned. 

“I can hear you! Sorry, there must still be a glitch.” 

“That’s fine. What’s this number?” 

“Oh, I’m not sure, it’s sort of running off magic.”

“Well how am I supposed to-“ 

The line went dead. 

“Drat!” Lily hung up the phone. “Should we try again?” 

“Let’s try my brother.” Mary said, at the same time Marlene burst through the door of their dorm, broom in hand and hair damp with sweat. 

“Cripes this new practice time absolutely blows.” Since the beginning of the term, the Gryffindor Quidditch team had switched practice times with the Hufflepuff team, something about a lost bet between the team captains, forcing the Gryffindor team to practise after 8 pm. It was ‘absolute hogwash’ if you asked Marlene, which no one did, but that didn’t stop her from telling you anyway. 

“If it’s so bad, why are you going? You’re not even on the team.” 

“I am on the team. I’m just an alternate, and I’ll never be a starter if I skive off practice.” Marlene flopped down backward on her bed. “What are you two doing?” 

“We transfigured a phone out of a pair of shoes, we’re trying to make it work.” 

“I thought muggle techno-logy didn’t work at Hogwarts?” 

“That’s a load of rubbish. My record player works just fine, everything just goes a bit wonky every once and a while.” True, every so often the music would become suddenly louder, or play in reverse, or most disastrously, start shooting multi-coloured sparks in sync with the tune. 

“Like just now, I tried to call my sister but the call switched halfway through to some random person.” Even still, Lily was a bit bewildered that it had worked in the first place. The phone line was dangling loose on the ground, there were no outlets in Hogwarts, let alone a telephone jack, and yet, with a bit of magic, they had been able to not only power the phone but connect a call. It had only taken a few weeks of troubleshooting different energy spells. 

Marlene shrugged. “Where’s Pandora?” 

Lily scoffed and lolled her head back, “Off with James and Sirius trying to sneak into the forbidden forest.” 

“Why?” 

Mary fiddled with the transfigured phone. “According to ‘Dora it’s some sort of Centaur Holiday and there’s a festival, apparently. Apollo told her about it but I think he was just having her on.”

“Well I hope they don’t get eaten by werewolves, it’s a full moon tonight.” 

Lily shuddered at the thought, “There aren’t werewolves in the Forbidden Forest. Right?” 

“There could be, I swear I heard howling last month.” Marlene cackled. Lily knew Marlene was only joking, but the truth was she found the forest rather frightening. She supposed that’s why it was forbidden, said to be full of giant rodents and wraiths and all sorts of other dark creatures. And Lily had never liked the dark anyway, it filled her with a sickly, dreadful feeling that crawled at the back of her neck. It was a bit pathetic really, being afraid of the dark. She wasn’t much of a Gryffindor at all.    

Mary threw a stray sock at Marlene’s head. “Stop trying to spook Lily.”

“I’m not spooked.” Lily protested. “Besides, it wouldn’t be so bad if Potter got eaten by werewolves.” Marlene snickered and Mary gave her a stern look.

“Oh come on Lils, he’s not that bad.” He was that bad. Ever since the incident with Rosier, he and Sirius had become vindicated in their hatred for the Slytherins and determined in their cause to create as much chaos as possible. Just last week they’d set a dozen cornish pixies loose in the Slytherin common room. Severus didn’t speak to Lily for a full day out of mere association. 

“Whatever.” Lily said. “Let’s try the phone again.” Lily recast the modified Baubillious spell, holding her wand to the dangling power cord. 

Mary picked up the receiver. “Okay, we’re trying my house this time.” This time, the line stayed active, and Mary spent the next half hour excitedly catching up with her family. 

“That was brilliant!” Mary said when the call finally ended. “We should bring it to Remus, I’m sure all that time in the infirmary has him missing his mum.”

“Lupin’s in the hospital again?” Marlene asked, dragging a brush through her now washed hair. 

“Stomach bug.” Mary nodded mournfully. 

“Crap luck. Well, at least he’ll be safe from the werewolves there. Let’s hope Panda doesn’t come back as a ferocious beast.” 

Chapter Text

The little town church was a modest brick building that might have looked nice once, but the bricks were painted over with a horrid white paint that highlighted the years of collected dirt and grime. It was sorely in need of a good scrub, but Petunia suspected that even that wouldn’t save it from its ghastly appearance.

Petunia arrived two hours early on Easter Morning to help hide chocolate eggs around the grounds. Despite the unfortunate paint job, Petunia had always loved church. Lily never had the patience for it, but Petunia relished in the structure of it. Church was predictable and reliable in a way Petunia thought was fitting for a place of worship. God was meant to make you feel comforted, wasn’t he? 

But this Easter, Petunia felt only unrest. Perhaps it was the rush of the holiday. After the service there would be food, children running about, and many people who didn’t bother showing up the other fifty Sundays of the year preening over how much Petunia had grown, and how she was shaping up to be a ‘fine young lady’, all of which were inclined to pluck at Petunia’s delicately structured composure. But more likely, it was a nagging question that echoed between Petunia’s ears as Pastor John rattled off the same resurrection sermon he gave every year. 

Jesus was surely a wizard. He must be, right? All those miracles, turning water into wine. Those weren’t feats impossible to all others besides the Son of God, they were magic. Petunia had seen her own sister transform a pebble into a shining glass marble and bloom flowers from browning leaves and float. She’d seen Severus manifest a pack of jaffa cakes from thin air, and he was certainly no messiah. But if Jesus was a wizard, was he merely a wizard? Was the whole story a fraud? A misunderstanding by muggles who believed his powers to be divine. 

Perhaps it didn’t matter. Wizard or not, he had still sacrificed his life for the world; perhaps that mattered more than whether he was or was not the true son of god. But it did matter. It mattered to Petunia, it upset her in a profound way she couldn’t quite describe. How many other saints and prophets and kings had truly been wielders of magic? Keeping it secret but still reaping the spoils. (Then again, what spoils did Jesus get? He still ended up bleeding out on that cross, amongst the criminals, not a possession to his name, betrayed by his dearest friend, and even a death ascended to heaven, was still a death.)

Petunia was starting to feel like a heretic: questioning her saviour's divinity on the anniversary of his resurrection. So she tried to push it from her mind: pretend she was like everybody else and not rapidly descending into a crisis of faith.

Even with the added Holiday chaos, the reception was pleasant. Petunia watched from a quiet spot on the patio as the younger children searched the garden for eggs, faces lighting in delight when they spotted one. They looked in wonder at their discoveries, as if the eggs had really appeared there by some magic. 

Lily rang that afternoon. If Petunia had been slightly affronted by Lily’s choice to stay at school over the spring holiday, she certainly wouldn’t say so. Exams were coming up, Lily had explained though it wasn’t much of an explanation. Lily could study from home could she not? 

“ Happy Easter !” Lily cheered from the other end of the phone. 

“Is it? I nearly forgot.” 

“ Don’t lie Pet, we both know Easter is your favourite holiday. ” True, Petunia had always loved Easter. It was the holiday of spring, and renewal, and little cucumber finger sandwiches. It also meant she could buy a new sundress. 

“It’s alright.” Petunia said. “Do anything interesting today?” 

“ Not really, there’s a feast tonight though, but all the meals here are a bit of a feast, so I doubt it will be anything special. ” 

“Well, bully for you.” Lily didn’t seem to notice when she boasted about Hogwarts. Or perhaps she assumed Petunia would be nothing but happy for her. Petunia had never been quite as good a person as Lily expected. 

“ It’s been fairly boring this week actually. Pandora and Mary and Marlene went home for the hols so I’m mostly by myself. ” Oh. The thought that Lily would rather stay at Hogwarts with her new friends than visit her family had already stung, but this was worse: Lily hadn’t even had a worthwhile reason to stay behind. 

“Serves you right for staying behind I 'spose.” The words came out angry before Petunia could stop them. 

“ Yeah, you’re right. But it will be worth it, I think. Our classes have really started to speed up and with exams coming up I don’t have any room to fall behind .” 

“I wouldn’t think you’d be worried about that, what’s that Sev always says ‘you’re a natural talent?’” 

“ Sev just likes to say stuff. ‘Sides, there’s a lot more than just magic. We’ve got history and astronomy and all sorts of things I’m expected to know. ” Severus did have a tendency to wax poetically about Lily and her magic. He spoke about her like she was the messiah. But even so, Petunia suspected Severus had a point. Lily’s magic had always seemed strong, not that Petunia had much of a reference. Perhaps that was just how magic was.

“Have you learned anything about necromancy?” Petunia said suddenly. 

“ Necromancy ?” Lily sounded aghast. 

“Yeah, that’s a thing isn’t it?” Petunia supposed it could not be. She’d only ever heard of it in muggle stories, and not all of those were based in truth. But in most cases, they were. “The magic of dead things.” 

“I know what it is. Why on earth would you want to know about that? It’s dark magic. ” 

“I was just curious, it is Easter after all.”  

…

Three weeks later, Lily called again. It frustrated Petunia to no end that she wasn’t able to call Lily herself. The mysterious magic telephone Lily had conjured up didn’t come with a callback number. 

“ I did call you last week. ” Lily argued. “ The line was busy. Besides, I have to share with Mary and Remus. And it’s hard to hear when everyone is in the room so I can only call when they’re out.” 

“You could just make more phones, what did you make them out of? Socks? Surely there are more of those lying about.” 

“ Tennis shoes, not socks. And we had to look through the lost and found to find them, I’m not transfiguring any of my shoes into a telephone, I need those to walk.” 

Petunia sighed. “Well, I suppose it’s better than those bloody owls.” 

“I promise to try and call more.” Lily said. 

Lily was earnest in her efforts at least, she called week after week. Petunia finally convinced her parents she was old enough to have a phone in her room thanks to Lily’s calls. Their parents could hardly argue with sisters wanting to talk to each other.

Petunia liked to hear Lily’s voice. Even if the conversations tended to centre Hogwarts, Hogwarts, and everything about Hogwarts. 

“ …Pandora says centaur parties are incredible.” 

“…Marlene thinks if we win the game against Ravenclaw next week we have a chance at the cup.” 

“…so Mary charmed his voice to get higher every time he tried to talk!” 

“…Pandora invited Marls and Mac and me to visit her in France this summer.” 

“…Professor Slughorn says I’m the best first-year potioneer he’s seen in a decade!” 

“…Did you know that Gargoyles have their own union?” 

Petunia didn’t know that. She didn’t even know Gargoyles were real. Well, really alive. Lily was always dropping that kind of unpredictable information on Petunia like it was nothing. Which, Petunia supposed it must be if you were attending a magical school, surrounded by a whole magical world that existed in secret. How much of what Petunia knew about the world was a lie? An elaborate ruse of constructed falsehoods meant to trick her because she wasn’t deemed special enough to know the truth. Petunia tried not to think about it. Thinking of it only made her angry. 

But think of it she did. Petunia found herself staring sceptically at statues, checking them for signs of life. She was going a bit mad. (Though, admittedly, the angel figurine her mother kept in the back garden was rather creepy, and Petunia swore she caught the pose change once.)

The weeks marched on and the chill of spring drifted away. Petunia spent most afternoons lolling on the back porch whilst their dog ran about the yard. She would read or toss sticks with Alfie and not inspect any of the lawn figurines her mother had placed about to spruce up the yard without having to do any actual gardening. 

The lawn was looking a bit ragged. Bits of grass had been pulled up and shredded, but that was to be expected when a hefty herding dog was allowed to muck about the yard. Alfie bounded to the edge of their fence, seeking the stick Petunia had unintentionally lobbed to the other side (she had a rather impressive throwing arm, but rather unimpressive aim). 

In the grass, there was a clump of lawn the size of a softball that had been pulled up, leaving a perfectly circular hole in its stead. It was rather odd in its perfection- as if it had been carved out rather than dug up by a dog. Petunia nudged the clump with her foot, pushing dirt back into the hole and patting it down with her foot.  

As quickly as Petunia had covered up the hole, the patch of grass was pushed right back up. From the whole, came a wiggling, rodent creature.

“Ey! Watcher do that for?” The creature said, and Petunia shrieked, stumbling backward. Upon second glance, it wasn’t a rodent at all, but a very small, dirt-covered man. He was bald with a long bushy beard, and a greenish hue about him, like weathered copper. He glared up at her with beady, blackened eyes.  

“What are you doing in my garden?” Petunia squealed at the tiny man. 

“Your garden? Who says it’s your garden?” 

“It’s my house!” Petunia said incredulously. The tiny man wiggled the rest of his hole and perched on the cap of grass. He couldn’t be more than a foot tall. 

“So? Doesn’t mean it’s your garden. I been tendin’ to this garden near 70 years.” The tiny man said. 

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can go around ripping up the grass.” 

“Ripping? It’s called aerating.” Petunia didn’t quite care what it was called. “Cripes, I swear you surface folk get stupider an’ stupider 'erry day. It’s good ‘or the grass. Keeps it healthy.” That couldn’t be right. How could destroying the grass be good for it? But the little man did seem to be quite well acquainted with dirt, and Petunia had inherited her mother’s green thumb, and Holly Evans was shit at gardening. 

Alfie, having lost interest in retrieving his stick, came bounding back towards Petunia, and the tiny man’s face froze in terror. “Not ‘em again!” He cried and disappeared back into his hole. 

“Wait! Come back!” Petunia shouted into the hole, which rustled and closed in on itself, and Petunia suddenly felt very silly, shouting at the ground. Perhaps she was going a bit mad. 

But a week later, the yard did admittedly look much better. 

It was a gloomy day in May (Petunia had heard rumours that May was supposed to be a sunny month, but she’d never experienced anything of the sort in Shropshire) when the telephone rang. Petunia was in the process of carefully painting her fingernails a bright yellow, and couldn’t be bothered to take Lily’s call. She knew it was Lily, because Lily always called on Saturday afternoons, when the Quillidge games were going on, and Lily had the room to herself. The ringing stopped, only to start again a moment later. Petunia groaned and waved her hand in the air before reaching for the receiver. 

“I’m busy, what?” 

Lily began speaking a mile a minute.“They’re awful, Pet! I can’t believe them. Who do they think they are -”

“Woah- Lily, slow down, what’s going on?” Lily’s story poured out of her between heaving sobs. 

The thought of people picking on Lily for being muggle-born was mind numbingly stupid. And yet, Petunia couldn’t bring herself to be surprised. Severus had always been going on and on about his dislike for muggles, and wizards were reclusive, they didn’t mingle with muggles, they didn’t even know to use the bloody telephone, it was unsurprising that all that prejudice and ignorance would extend to Lily.  

But the thought of anyone mistreating Lily filled Petunia with hot rage. Petunia hated being so far away from Lily. She felt terribly helpless, unable to defend her sister. Lily hadn’t ever needed much defending before, but Petunia would have gladly been at the ready. She let Lily ramble in anger until the phone line went dead. If Petunia couldn’t give Lily anything, the least she could do was take some of her anger. 

Petunia found herself in the garden again, glaring at a hideous cherub statue that lived beneath the geranium bush. 

“It’s not real.” Petunia squeaked at the sudden intrusion of the voice. “Don’t worry, I’ve checked ‘em all.” It was the small man again. He’d climbed all the way out of the ground and was patting the statue that Petunia had most definitely not been staring at. 

“I know that.” Petunia insisted.

“Well, you can never be too careful. Tricky buggers.” The little man said, glaring into the stoney eyes of the cherub.

“Are you a gnome?” Petunia asked because that was the logical explanation. Lily had told Petunia of all sorts of other people and creatures that lived in the world: fairies and dragons and elves and centaurs, why not gnomes? 

“Aye. Are you a witch?” Petunia frowned. 

“No. I’m not.” 

“Good, nasty fellas, those witches.” The gnome scrunched up his face in detestment. 

“My sister’s a witch.” Petunia said quickly, suddenly defensive. 

“The ‘ittle red one?” Petunia nodded. 

“Well, she wasn’t too bad? Haven’t heard her thumpin’ about in a while though. Did she die?” 

Petunia gaped. “No! She did not die! She’s at school.” 

“Sch-ooo-l?” The gnome said, sounding it out slowly like he was testing the word. 

“Hogwarts, it’s a school for witches and wizards. To learn magic.” The gnome gave her a blank stare. 

“Never heard of it.” 

“Well, do you talk to many witches and wizards?” 

“Not if I can avoid it.”

“Do you talk to anyone?” 

“I’m talking to you ain’t I?” 

“Why are you talking to me?” The gnome climbed up on top of the statue and sat on it, leaning his dirt covered cheeks on his fists.

“I like talking to folks. And you didn’t try ta swat me so I figured you must be nice.” Petunia didn’t think she was particularly nice. 

“Oh. I’m Petunia.”  

“Haberdashen. But my friends call me Erdy.”

Erdy was all too happy to tell Petunia all about himself. Erdy had lived in a burrow underneath the Evans' lawn his whole life. His pa had built the burrow, after having to move from his prior home when it was ripped up to build a bank. Erdy had twelve children, but they weren’t old enough to come to the surface yet. Young gnomes were too small and if they didn’t get snatched up by birds they would be burnt up by the sun, not yet having built up the layers of protective coating that Erdy had. (Protective coating was dirt. Erdy didn’t say so, but Petunia could tell by the way he patted his dirt-laden trousers that it was.) 

Eventually, Alfie started scratching at the porch door, and when Petunia went to let him out, Erdy disappeared into his burrow. “Wretched beast.” He grumbled as he went. 

…

“Have you learned anything about gnomes?” 

“ Gnomes? Like garden statues? ” Lily asked. Hogwarts exams were quickly approaching and Lily’s phone calls had become less frequent. It was no bother, after all, Petunia had her own exams to study for and unlike Lily, her exams were on complicated subjects like Chemistry and European History. 

“No, not the statues, the real ones.” 

“ Oh, not really. I think Professor Sprout mentioned them once. They’re a type of pest I think, rip up gardens and whatnot. Nothing to worry about though, they prefer wizard homes.”  Petunia frowned. A bit frightening, Erdy was, but he was no pest. And anyway, as he had explained, he had just as much right to the garden as Petunia did. The Evans had only bought the house fifteen years ago, while Erdy had been there nearly a century. And Erdy most definitely did not prefer wizard homes. “ Why ?” 

Petunia had every intention of telling Lily about Erdy. She had been brimming with excitement over it actually. I met a gnome in the garden and he befriended me. Me! Can you believe it Lily? But as Lily’s words came through the phone receiver, Petunia’s excitement fizzled out. 

“Oh, no reason.” Petunia said instead. She would tell Lily about Erdy when she returned from school. That way she didn’t have to bother with any of Lily’s arguing or scepticism, she could introduce them and show Lily at once that Erdy was not anything near a pest, he was Petunia’s friend. 

…

“You sure seem to like that stack of leaves.” Petunia jumped at the sound of Erdy’s gravelly voice. Erdy had appeared on top of the railing of the porch steps, startling Petunia halfway out of the porch swing. 

“For Pete’s sake! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I did call your name, you musnt’ve heard me.” 

“Oh. Well, sorry. And this isn’t a stack of leaves, it’s a book. You read it.”

“That’s another one of those funny surface people things isn’t it? Like job and school.”

“I ‘spose.” Petunia sat upright. “Those are things you have to do though. Reading is for fun. Well, sometimes.” Erdy climbed up on the swing, he was only as tall as Petunia’s knees so he had to jump to reach the edge of the seat. He wiggled up and snatched the book out of Petunia’s hands. “Hey!” 

Erdy turned the book around and flipped it open, holding it upside down and sticking his nose in it, then shrugging. “Not sure I see the appeal.” He dropped the book and hopped back off the swing. Petunia picked the book up and tried to rub off the dirt stains Erdy had left behind on it. 

“It’s a story. You have heard of those haven’t you?”

“‘Course I know stories! Didn’t I tell you that one about the bunny and the bowtruckle just yesterday?” It was a week ago, but Erdy had in fact told Petunia a rather confusing tale about an argument between a rabbit and a talking leaf. It was unclear if the story had been a time honoured fable, or something that actually happened to Erdy, and Petunia had been too confused to ask Erdy for clarification. 

“You did.” 

“Well.” 

“Well, what?” 

“Well.. are you going to tell me the story? The one in your book.” Erdy said book with a long extended “o” sound, like ‘goose’ 

“Oh. Well, I can. If you’d like.” Petunia slapped more dirt off the swing’s pillows and laid back down. She flipped her book back to the beginning. “Chapter 1: Lucy Looks into the Wardrobe. Once, there were four children…”

Chapter Text

“All I'm saying s'that there’s nothing magical about a crup, it’s a dog for Pete’s sake.” Lily slumped against the compartment bench opposite Severus, crossing her arms stubbornly. “At least kneazles have warding abilities. Crups don’t even do anything, they’re as magical as a horse. And that’s another thing, what makes abraxan magical? Just because they have wings? Birds have wings, but we aren’t going around categorising all of them as magical creatures.”

Severus sighed, he’d grown tired of her ranting an hour into the train ride. “It’s not about the creatures themselves, but why they exist. Crups were bred using magic, that’s why they’re magical creatures. Same for abraxan.” 

“Well, that’s stupid.” Lily huffed, but Severus just smirked at her, like her irritation and completely correct observations were amusing to him.

“You only think so because you got Fawley’s question wrong.” That was irrelevant. Besides, it was one question. One stupid, inconsequential, question, that frankly, didn’t have much to do with Defence Against the Dark Arts anyway. Planting Aconite along a garden can prevent what creature from destroying crops? In what world was the answer to that question ‘crups’ not ‘werewolves’? And yet, that question had cost Lily her O streak. 

“No, I think so because it’s ridiculous. Besides, that question was bunk anyway, Aconite would definitely deter werewolves from digging up crops.” 

“Werewolves don’t dig up crops.” 

“How would you know?” 

“They eat people, Lily.” Lily scowled. She wished Pandora were here. Pandora was obsessed with werewolves, all sorts of magical beasts really. All that sneaking off into the forbidden forest with James had sparked an interest. In any case, she would agree with Lily: just because werewolves were ferocious, man-eating beasts, didn’t exclude them from digging up flower beds like every other dog in the world. 

“Will you just admit it was a stupid question?” 

“If you admit that crups are in fact, magical creatures.” 

“Ugh, fine, whatever. They’re magical creatures.”  

“Yes, it was a stupid question. Fawley is a joke of a professor. I’d be surprised if they kept him on for a second year.” (Fawley did not end up returning for a second year, though no one could say for certain if it was because of his wild incompetence as a professor, or a precarious curse placed on the position by a certain disgruntled ex-applicant.) 

The train lurched to a stop and Lily jumped up to peer out the window. Were they in London already? It felt as though they had just left Hogsmeade, but sure enough, there was platform 9 and ¾ just beyond the window. 

Lily shuffled through the rush of students on the train platform, Severus at her heel. The platform was loud, filled with the roar of reuniting families and students wailing tearful goodbyes as if going off to war and not a mere two month long holiday.

A body crashed into Lily, a flash of familiar wild black hair and chestnut skin as James grabbed her shoulders to steady himself. “Sorry Evans!” James said sheepishly, seeming just as surprised at the collision as Lily was.

Severus wretched James' hands away from Lily with a stiff shove, “Watch it, Potter!” 

“It’s all right, Sev.” Lily tried, she wasn’t in the mood to start a fight with James Potter, but Severus continued to glare at James with a heavy set scowl.

“If you can’t keep those feet of yours under control, perhaps consider removing them.” Severus sneered. James righted his oversized glasses and steeled his gaze. 

“No thanks, I rather like my feet where they are actually. Besides, Evans is fine. No harm no foul, right Lils?” His perfectly white teeth flashed in a far too smug smirk, James rarely called Lily by her first name, and he only pulled out the nicknames when Severus was around because he knew it annoyed him, which Severus also knew, meaning the only person it truly succeeded at annoying was Lily. 

“Perhaps your tongue too.” Lily replied, and Severus let out a high-pitched laugh through closed lips.

“Aww, don’t be mean Lils, you know you love me.” 

Severus scoffed, “How is it possible for one person to be so delusionally self-“ James jerked his head up at the sound of his name being called through the clatter. 

“Sorry! Gotta run.” James grinned wildly and picked up his trunk that had landed near his feet in the crash. He ran off toward the outskirts of the platform, turning halfway to skip backwards. 

“Try not to miss me too terribly this summer, Evans!” James shouted, then disappeared into the cluttered crowd. 

“I loathe him.” Severus grumbled. 

“Well if it helps, I think he loathes us too.” 

They made it to the edge of the platform where Mrs. Snape was waiting for them. Mrs Snape had agreed to accompany both children back to Cokeworth through the use of the Snapes’ Floo. After weeks of pestering him on the topic, Severus had finally conceded that it was a bit silly that they had to take the train all the way back to London, just to turn around and go back north, especially if one intended to travel by muggle vehicle. 

Eileen Snape was a short, spindly woman. She had the same sharp nose and raven black hair as her son and stood with the prim, stock-still posture of a once aristocrat. She waited for Severus and Lily at the edge of the platform in a long black coat, too thick for summer, with her hands tightly clasped in front of her. She wore a tight-lipped grimace that only broke when she sighted her son. 

“Sevy!” Eileen opened her arms and wrapped Severus in a tight hug. Severus had been rather indifferent about the whole thing, but Lily knew that he'd written her nearly every day, and was just as homesick for the comfort of his mother as the rest of the first years. Mrs Snape released her son and settled her hands on Severus' shoulders, looking him over. “Oh, I’ve missed you.” 

“I missed you too mum.” Severus mumbled, his cheeks had turned red and blotchy the way they only did when he was particularly embarrassed. Mrs Snape let out a short and satisfied huff then rose to her feet, ready to move past the sentimental segment of the reunion. 

“Lily, it’s good to see you too. I trust you enjoyed your first year, despite the… disappointing event?” Eileen's gaze lingered on the red and gold trim of Lily’s robe. Lily nodded. Gryffindor had turned out to be more of a blessing than a disappointment, but Lily doubted Mrs Snape would appreciate the sentiment. 

Eileen cast a charm on Severus and Lily’s bags that shrunk them down to the size of marbles and stuck them safely in her pocket. “Shall we be off then?” 

Severus' mum had been the first witch Lily had ever met, but even now, Lily thought she was the perfect embodiment of what one might think of a witch. She was a brilliant potioneer, yet a bit scatterbrained, she moved a million miles a minute, often too fast for even herself to keep up with. She was firm but not unkind, and often spoke in riddles, saying one thing but meaning another. Some of Lily’s fondest memories were summer afternoons spent in the Snape kitchen, listening to Eileen’s stories about the Wizarding World. 

“Will you be staying for dinner?” Eileen asked when Lily stumbled out of the fireplace. She’d only used the Floo one other time, to go to Diagon Alley the year before, and was still mastering the technique. Mr Snape didn't seem to be home, which was probably for the best. He didn't like Lily. Lily didn't think he liked anyone. 

But as much as Lily would have enjoyed a quiet dinner with Severus and Mrs Snape, she had her own family to reunite with. “Oh, er no, I should probably get back to my parents, they’ll be missing me.” 

“Of course." Mrs Snape said and busied herself clearing off the clutter in the kitchen. 

“I’ll come round tomorrow?” Lily said to Severus warily. He hadn't wanted to come home for the summer at all. But Professor Slughorn, and even Dumbledore had been firm with him that students staying over the summer just wasn't done.

Dusk was approaching when Lily left Spinner’s End, casting an orange haze over the city. Lily walked along the river that split Cokeworth in two until the clutter of the city began to fade and was replaced with wide grassy paths. 

The Evanses lived in a little brick house at the top of the hill where the city faded to the countryside. The slant of the road was so steep that the house always looked a bit tilted, like it might fall over into the neighbouring house. When Lily came upon the house there was laughter coming from the porch. Petunia caught sight of her and jumped up.

“Lily! You’re back!” She scuttled down the steps and flung her arms around Lily. 

“Hi Pet.” Lily giggled. “Were you talking to someone?” Petunia’s eyes shot wide then squinted. 

“No? Just been waiting for you.” It was a lie. Lily had heard the laughter. But before she could call her sister on it, Petunia was hastily dragging her toward the backyard. Their parents had planned what was coined the Birthday-Slash-End-of-Term-Slash-Family-Reunion-Celebratory-Barbeque. Complete with three separate cakes (one for Lily’s birthday in January, Holly’s birthday in April, and Craig’s birthday last week) 

Hogwarts was such a loud, all-consuming place that Lily had been so overwhelmed with the excitement of classes and magic and her new friends, that she’d nearly forgotten to miss her family. It was only now that she’d returned home that she remembered just how badly she did. She’d missed her mother’s hugs and the homemade tea blend, grassy and a bit peppery. She’d missed her father’s embarrassing sense of humour and the way he was always doing little jigs, even when there was no music playing. She’d missed Petunia’s dry wit and ability to finish Lily’s sentences. She even missed the fights they’d get into, screaming at the top of their lungs over a t-shirt of disputed ownership. 

She’d also really, really missed Muggle things. Muggle radio and Muggle cars and Muggle clothes, god how she’d missed wearing jeans and t-shirts that were made this century. For the first week back she did nothing but laze about the couch with Alfie’s head in her lap watching re-runs and new runs. Oh, Telly how I’ve missed you. She even watched that weird cooking show her mum liked, just because she could. She went driving with her dad through the hills and drank more sodas than was probably healthy. Petunia let her tag along at the roller rink even though Andy Robinson would be there (Lily didn’t have a clue who that was, but Pet’s friend Charlotte had said his name with gravity whilst giggling at Petunia, so he must have been important.)

She rode her bike to Severus’ near every day. She’d missed the sting of physical activity. At Hogwarts, the only exercise she got was from running through the halls after the stairs spit her out in the wrong part of the castle. 

Severus decided to dedicate his summer to inventing new potions and Lily was keen to help. Slughorn kept his potions laboratory under strict supervision, and had no tolerance for students, especially first years, deviating from the curriculum. Not that Lily could blame him, James and Sirius would have likely blown up the entire classroom if left to their own devices. But unfortunately, it left little room for experimentation.

The first challenge they set for themselves was brewing a potion that allowed the drinker to see in the dark. Many wizards had attempted their own versions in the past, but none were particularly lamented as a success. Ocular potions tended to be a bit of a challenge, known to come with a host of unpleasant side effects. 

Lily and Severus began with a version of Norman’s Nightsight Potion, which Slughorn had taught them back in March. Norman’s Nightsight Potion was a bit of fun but it left the user with an intense sensitivity to light that often led to raging week-long headaches. They’d tried a host of different adjustments and tweaks, but the result was always the same: Lily wearing a pair of oversized sunglasses the next morning. 

“The potion must work by dilating your pupils, that’s why it hurts so much, it hasn’t worn off yet.” Petunia lounged in the living room, flipping through a magazine while Lily had her face stuffed into the couch cushion, unwilling to lift her head and let in the wretched light. 

“What does that mean?” Lily’s voice came out garbled against the pillow. There was the sound of shuffling feet and then a sinking in the couch as Petunia plopped down next to Lily’s collapsed body.

“Here let me see.” She grabbed at Lily's shoulder to force her away from the pillow. 

“No!” Lily groaned as Petunia's fingers dug at her face, pulling her eyelids apart. Light flooded in, blinding and burning straight into Lily's skull. Lily retched out of Petunia's grip, slamming her eyes back shut. 

“Yep, that’s it. Your pupils are like saucers.” 

“So?” Lily squinted, a mistake, and shut her eyes again.

“So, you should try finding a way to make the potion that doesn’t dilate your pupils." Petunia said thoughtfully, though Lily still hadn't the faintest idea what she was talking about. '"Animals that can see in the dark have more rods than humans. You could try to make a potion that increases the number of rods. Or perhaps give yourself a tapetum? That couldn’t be too hard could it?” What was a rod? Like a fishing rod? Lily was half certain her sister was speaking nonsense. Petunia sighed when Lily said as much and launched into a lecture on the structure of eyeballs, telling her about something called the retina and the muscles that changed the size of the iris. Petunia was explaining something about photoreceptors when it dawned on Lily: the best way to see in the dark wasn’t to enhance human eyes, it was to change the eyes to be less human. 

“It’s a transfiguration potion.” Lily all but shouted when she showed up on Severus’ doorstep. 

“What?” 

“The nightsight potion, we’ve been going about it all wrong. Plenty of animals can see in the dark, all we need to do is give ourselves their eyes.” Lily rushed into the house, heading straight for Eileen’s potion lab.

Severus trailed behind her. “Oh is that all?” 

“Well, do you think we can?” Lily swivelled around to face him, a small smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. 

“Of course we can.” 

Giving oneself animal eyes turned out to be more of a challenge than Lily had expected. The issue wasn’t so much getting the eyes, but ensuring you didn’t give yourself anything else in the process. Lily and Severus spent the remainder of June researching different transfiguration potions and spells. Eileen had given them a harsh shouting when she found them sniffing about her personal supply of Polyjuice potion (kept for research potions, she assured them) but the next day when they came down to the kitchen that doubled as a potions laboratory a book on animal transfiguration had been conspicuously left out. 

Foxglove, fluxweed, bicorn horn, crushed caterpillars and kneazle tears made for the final recipe. The kneazle tears proved by far the most difficult to cultivate. Lily spent an afternoon sprinkling dust around the Snapes mangey old kneazle, Moxley, a task that left her with no less than seven claw marks, just to obtain a measly drop. 

They brewed it on a full moon for good measure, which was often a feature in more complex transfiguration spells. The resulting potion was a silvery, shimmering mixture that slid across the mixing spoon like oil. 

“What if I go blind?” Lily asked, feeling suddenly apprehensive. She was sat cross-legged on the floor of Severus’ kitchen, the now cold cauldron between them.

“You won’t go blind.” 

“I could. Maybe we should drink it first, just to be safe.” They agreed that the potion would be most effective if they administered the potion directly into their eyes like eye drops, but Lily still paused at putting a completely untested concoction directly into her eyeballs.

Severus scoffed “I thought you Gryffindors were supposed to be the brave ones.” Severus grabbed the spoon out of the potion and tilted his head back, letting the potion drip into his eyes. Severus blinked rapidly, shimmery potion running down his cheeks. 

Lily snatched the spoon out of Sev’s hand and administered the potion into her own eyes, she was brave. The potion was cold and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting it run down her nose and into her mouth, it tasted salty like tears. When Lily opened her eyes she could see just as well as before. 

“Ready?” Severus asked, waving his wand to snuff out the lights. Darkness filled the room. Slowly, two glowing orbs filled the space where Severus’ eyes must have been, and then the entire room came back to her, as clear as before, though lacking colour. 

Severus was grinning at her and Lily couldn’t help but whoop. “It worked!” 

“Your eyes are glow-y.” He remarked. 

“Your eyes are all glow-y!” Lily echoed and fell into a fit of delighted laughter. Severus picked up his notebook and began recording their results, writing in complete darkness. Lily couldn’t believe it, it had actually worked. She felt limitless.

Lily borrowed Severus’ owl to send vials of the potion to all her friends. Severus only agreed to let her borrow him on the condition that she not send any to James or Sirius under any condition (don’t even send any to Pettigrew or Lupin, they’ll just give it to them), which Lily was more than happy to abide by. Even if it meant losing out on the opportunity to gloat over her accomplishments to them.  

…

Lilypad,

Hope Nibs is able to find your house alright, she’s a bit daft (don’t tell her I said so) but mum refuses to get a new owl. How are things at home? I know you must be bored to death without us but don’t let that get you down! 

It’s a madhouse 'round here, Rory and Cam have been bouncing off the walls waiting for their Hogwarts letters, recon they’ll both be Gryffindors too? 

I got your potion, it’s wicked cool. Mum let me use it to go out night flying, you have to try it once you get a broom. You are going out for Quidditch next year aren’t you? 

I think we’ll be going into London next month to shop for school supplies, you should come with. Mary already agreed to meet me there and I can show you all the right things to buy. 

Let me know if you can make it,

Marls

…

My dearest friend, 

Thank you so much for the lovely gift. I tried it as soon as it arrived and was absolutely delighted by it! Apollo and I used it for cave diving and it was absolutely marvellous! This will be absolutely game-changing in my exploration of the forest next year. You’ll come this time won’t you? It won’t be nearly as scary with your potion. 

Saint-Tropez is absolutely stunning this time of year. I do hope you’ll join us next summer. The only thing that could make things more lovely is if you all were here to share it with me. We’re going to Paris next week for the Rosier summer party. I know Evan is a bit of a prat at school, but his mum throws the absolute grandest parties. 

Apollo and Theus have been sneaking down into the catacombs every year and Apollo finally agreed to bring me this year! I’m excited but it’s a bit terrifying don’t you think? All those skeletons must have built up a huge magical reservoir. Theus says there are Vampires that live there but I think he just said that to spook me. I’ll be sure to report back if I meet any. 

How are things back in England? 

Love, 

Pandora A. Selwyn 

…

(Attached to a dusty porcelain doll of a redheaded witch stirring an oozing green potion, with a terrifying painted-on smile, wrapped in several layers of newsprint and sent by muggle post)

Lils, I saw this in an antique shop and thought of you - Mac 

…

“What’s this?” Petunia asked, twirling the small glass vile in her hands. 

“The nightsight potion Sev and I made. We finally figured it out thanks to the idea you gave me.” Petunia popped off the lid and sniffed it. 

“Is it safe?” 

“Of course, tested it myself. Thought you’d especially like it for reading at night.” 

“Oh. Well, thanks.” Petunia recapped the bottle and slid it into the pocket of her dress. She furrowed her eyebrows and made an odd face. 

“Come on. There’s something I want to show you.” Petunia tugged on Lily’s wrist, pulling her from the couch. Lily followed her out the back door. Alfie followed along, wagging his tail, but Petunia stopped him. “No-no, Alfie, stay.” She shoved him inside and slammed the door. 

“What is it you wanted to show me?” Petunia walked out to the middle of the yard and stomped her foot on the ground.

“Erdy!” Petunia stomped again. “Erdy come out.” Lily looked around the yard, but there was no sign of anyone.

But then the grass beneath Petunia began to rustle, then burst from the earth, leaving a pile of dirt covering Petunia’s white trainers. From the whole, climbed a little man. 

“I thought I told ya not to do that!” The man scowled at Petunia. He was no bigger than a gerbil but was unmistakably an old man, with a long scraggly beard and rounded sagging features that were creased with dirt. 

“Well isn’t like I can ring the doorbell.” Petunia was talking to him. To the small, greenish man who came out of the ground and was covered in dirt. 

“That’s a gnome.” Lily said with recognition.

“Bloody genius you are.” The gnome said to her, then turned to Petunia. “So the ‘ittle one’s back?” 

“I’m not little!” Lily scoffed. That was quite the accuasation coming from a man not two feet tall. 

“Lily, this is Erdy, my friend.”

“You can call me Haberdashen.” The gnome stepped up to her and Lily crouched down. Professor Sprout had told her all about garden gnomes, despite their humanish appearance, they lacked human intelligence and mostly went around mucking up wizard gardens. But this Haberdashen was not that. He was talking just as well as Lily was, and the garden looked even nicer than Lily remembered it. Perhaps he wasn’t a gnome, but something else. 

“You’re the witch?” 

“Hello.” Lily stuck out her hand to Haberdashen, but then quickly realised her hand was too large to shake, and stuck out a finger instead. 

“What’s she doin’” Haberdashen asked Petunia. 

“It’s called a handshake, it’s a way to say hello.” Haberdashen looked at Lily's hand again and then slowly stuck his own hand out and bumped his finger into Lily’s. Petunia let out a stifled snicker. “Close enough.” 

“Tunie says you’re a good witch.”  

“I am a good witch.” 

“So you say.” He scrunched his nose, but relaxed quickly, seemling willing to not hold Lily’s witchery against her. 

Haberdashen didn’t stay long, needing to get back to his children (Thirteen of ‘em, the bloody monsters!). 

“Isn’t he great! I can’t believe we have our very own gnome living in our backyard.” Petunia said back inside, shuffling around the kitchen and pulling out random items from the fridge. “I’ve been teaching him to read. Well, trying to, Erdy thinks reading is useless but I think that’s just because he lives underground in the dark. He’s more than eager to have me read to him, might as well learn himself don’t you think?” 

“Pet, are you sure he’s a gnome?” 

“What? Of course I am, he said so himself.” 

“Right, I know. But it’s just, garden gnomes aren’t intelligent, they’re like rodents or bugs, and Haberdashen, isn’t- well obviously he’s not that.” Petunia looked up from her pile of ingredients. 

“Have you met one before?” 

“Er-well no. But Professor Sprout told us all about them.” 

“Well, maybe your professor was wrong. Just because someone’s a teacher doesn’t mean they know everything.” Petunia managed to assemble the assortment of ingredients into a ham sandwich, and sliced it in half, handing half to Lily.

Lily’s concern didn’t ease. Gnomes weren’t uncommon pests. “Every witch has had ‘em pop from time to time.” Professor Sprout had said, and no one had contested the information. As far as any of the other witches and wizards were concerned, gnomes were unintelligent garden pests. 

Surely, it was all a misunderstanding. There must simply be different variations of gnomes. Perhaps it was like pixies and fairies, which were often called the other but were wildly different, pixies being more akin to wasps than people. Perhaps Haberdashen wasn’t a gnome at all, but a variety of goblin or brownie. Brownies were small, though not quite as small, and plenty intelligent, and though most of them worked as house elves now there must still be some wild ones. And besides, gnomes only lived in wizard houses, and Lily’s house was not that.

“Has your house ever had gnomes?” Lily asked one afternoon, hunched over the cauldron in Severus’ kitchen. The substance bubbling from it was thick and separated like curdled milk, if not for its cerulean colour. After the success of the nightsight potion Lily and Severus decided to see how far they could push the limits of sight-based potions. Their current endeavour was a potion intended to let two people swap sight, but so far they’d only managed to create several versions of sludge. 

“Ew no. My mother would never let such nasty creatures muck about. She keeps impeccable wards.” Sev replied, inspecting a bottle of likely mislabeled eye of newt.

“Right. But have you ever seen one?” 

Severus shrugged. “Pictures in books and stuff.” 

“I think I met one.” 

“One what?” 

“Gnome.” 

“You met one? Where?” Severus turned to shuffle through his mother’s collection of herbs. Lily prodded at the foul blue potion with a wooden spoon, it jiggled and released a foul odour. No wizard had ever successfully attempted such a spell. There were stories about fairies who once knew such magic, but any practical records had long been lost. 

“Perhaps it needs alihotsy. In my backyard, named Haberdashen. He’s friends with Pet.” 

Sev released a sharp laugh. “Tunie’s friends with a garden gnome? Alihosty? Why?”

“It has mind altering properties, doesn’t it? And yeah, weird right? I spoke to him and everything.” The underlying theory of a sight swap potion was creating a mental link between the two drinkers, which required altering the mind, or so was the idea.

Severus leaned over the cauldron and his face twisted into revulsion. “Eugh. Couldn't it hurt could it?” He ducked down to muddle through another drawer of herbs, returning with a jar of bright green leaves. “And he spoke back? Intelligently?”

“Pet is teaching him to read” Severus cracked the jar and Lily used her wand to drop a leaf into the mixture, careful not to let it touch her or Severus, alihosty on its own was known to cause uncontrollable laughter.

 “It must not have been a gnome then, perhaps a lost house elf.” 

Lily began stirring the mixture, which began to turn a dull yellow colour. “That’s what I thought. Though he didn’t look much like a house elf and he did come up out of an underground burrow. He called himself a gnome too.” 

“How odd.” Severus took to writing furiously in his notepad, recording the reaction of the potion. The bubbling increased into a roaring boil, though they had not turned the heat up. The bubbles built into one large bubble that burst, spraying them both with slimy yellow goop. 

“Ew!” Lily screeched as slime dripped down her face. It was cold and smelled like rotten eggs and grapefruit, a rather absurd combination. In fact, the whole scenario was rather absurd. Lily glanced at Severus who was looking rather gobsmacked, the gnarly potion dripping from his nose and stringing in his hair. He looked absolutely ridiculous, Lily couldn’t help but let out a laugh, then another. Severus laughed too. 

“Couldn’t hurt?” Lily wheezed. “Couldn’t hurt.” She was shaking with laughter.  

“I told you Alihosty was a bad idea.” Severus gasped between spurts of laughter. Lily had never seen him laugh so uncontrollably, which only made her laugh harder. His eyes were crinkled and his lips pulled back, exposing his gums, while his nose wiggled and shook with laughter, she’d never seen something so silly. 

“No you-” Lily gasped a breath, her stomach aching from laughter. “Didn’t.” 

“You’re right, I didn’t.” Severus cracked up again and they both fell into hysterics, all thoughts of garden gnomes forgotten.

Chapter Text

Petunia drifted underwater until her toes scraped the rough concrete of the pool floor. She lingered there, at the bottom, beneath the mass of wiggling legs. Under the surface, everything was quiet. She could hear her own heartbeat, slow and steady and pounding in her ears. Her stomach lurched with want for breath and Petunia kicked off. 

She broke the surface and the outside world came crashing back, the chaos of the pool surrounding her. Children screeched as they dove belly-first into the water. Laughter mixed with shouts as people tried to speak over the roar of splashing water. The heavy smell of chlorine invaded her, it was so much stronger above water.

Petunia wiped the pooling water from her eyes and paddled to the edge of the pool, pulling up next to Lottie’s dangling feet. “Aren’t you coming in?” 

“I am in.” Lottie wiggled her foot, swishing the water about. Petunia was suddenly filled with the urge to yank it hard, but she resisted. 

“Barely.” Lottie looked up at the sky with a closed-mouth grin. She was starting to burn, her skin was dusted with a pinkish glow and her shoulders reddened along the edges of her baby blue bathing suit. Petunia bet if she reached out and poked her she would leave a pale mark behind. 

“I’m warming up. It’s cold.” It wasn’t. It was the hottest weekend they’d had all summer, and likely would have all year. 

“I think you need more sunblock.” 

“Mum says that stuff’s toxic.” Lottie made a face. Lottie’s mum was probably right, Petunia had never liked the stuff, it smelled like chalk. Luckily, Petunia didn’t need to bother with that anymore. Lily had returned home from Hogwarts with a trunkful of potions, including one that protected from sunburns with just a single drop. Petunia felt a pang of guilt that she couldn’t share it with Lottie. Here she was safe from the sun whilst her friend was burning for no reason. Petunia supposed she could try and slip a drop of it into Lottie’s drink, but the damage was already done. Perhaps Lily had another potion for healing sunburns as well. 

Something caught Lottie’s eye and she leaned over to whisper, “Uh oh, don’t look now.” But Petunia did look, swivelling around to face the pool as a grinning Andy Robinson swam up to them. 

“Charlotte! Petunia! Fancy seeing you here.” Andy perched himself against the pool ledge on the other side of Lottie. His typically brown had darkened to a near black from the water and stuck to the side of his face like wet noodles.

“Hullo Andrew.” Petunia smiled tightly. Andy Robinson was the tallest boy in their class and lived in the nicest part of town, which made him unwaveringly popular. He had a boxy face and hollow blue eyes and a splitting wide smile that Lottie called ‘fetching’ but reminded Petunia more of a shark than something she’d like to kiss.

“Lucky running into you here.” Lottie said, leaning back on her hands. “Do you come swimming often?” 

“Yeah, I’m on the water polo team so I have to keep up my swimming over the summer.” He lifted his arm to scratch behind his head in an obvious attempt to show off the muscles of his shoulders. Petunia admitted they were quite large, if you liked that sort of thing. 

“Really? Petunia was just telling me how much she loves water polo.” Petunia had most certainly never said anything of the sort. Petunia jabbed Lottie in the leg for her ridiculous scheming. All summer she’d been dead set on setting Petunia and Andy up on a date, for some ludicrous reason.

“Is that so? Well, you should come to one of our games when the season starts.” Andy grinned at her and Petunia desperately wished to be anywhere else.

“I’m not sure I’ll have time with my studies this year.” 

“Ah right, of course. You’ve always been so studious. Well, perhaps we can get together this summer, before term starts. Are you free this evening? We could catch a cinema?” Petunia could think of fifteen things she’d rather do than go to the cinema, with Andy Robinson of all people. 

“Oh, I’m not sure, I might have to watch my sister.” Andy’s smile flickered momentarily. 

“Well, perhaps another night then?” 

“I’ll call you.” Petunia agreed, though she knew she wouldn’t. Not that it would matter, Petunia was sure Lottie would orchestrate some sort of meeting for them before the week’s end. 

Lottie squealed when Andy swam away. “Can you believe that? Andy Robinson asked you out!” 

“Yes, I was there.” Petunia wiggled out of the pool to sit beside Lottie. 

“You mustn’t be so shy around him anymore. Now that you know he likes you, there’s no reason to be nervous.” Lottie was obsessed with the fantasy that Petunia fancied Andy. Matchmaking was a passion of hers, particularly with boys Lottie herself fancied. Lottie was the sort of girl boys swooned over. Puberty had never quite taken to Petunia, she’d shot up with a wicked growth spurt at eleven, but the rest of her had never quite caught up, leaving her gangly and spindly. Lottie was quite the opposite, she was nothing impressive in stature, but she was soft in all the correct places. Lottie was all full-faced and beautiful, with her unblemished alabaster skin and inky hair that cascaded like silk over her shoulders. She reminded Petunia of Snow White, as if she had stepped straight out of a picture: too beautiful for the real world. 

Lottie was the sort of girl who could have any boy she wanted, which was perhaps part of the game. She enjoyed the sick satisfaction of taking something that wasn’t hers, she enjoyed it even more when it was something she’d given away to begin with. Last spring she’d convinced Carey Franklin that Brian Anderson wanted to ask her to the school dance, and when he didn’t, Lottie offered to speak to Brian on her behalf. Brian ended up going to the dance with Lottie. Lottie could be a bit horrible: cruel and vain and selfish, Petunia hated her a bit for it, but mostly she hated herself, for the way she liked her anyway.

…

When Petunia returned home she found Severus Snape sitting at her dining table hunched over a large, weathered book. 

“What are you doing here?” Petunia hadn’t so much as seen a glimpse of Severus all summer. The boy seemingly committed to staying holed up in his mother’s potion laboratory, a place Petunia was strictly unwelcome. 

“You look like a drowned rat.” He said in response. Petunia wondered if he deliberately sought to be as rude as possible at all times, or if it was merely an unintended consequence of being an insufferable git.

“I was swimming. You know, a leisure activity that one might do over their summer vacation, instead of spending the whole time in a dark basement obsessed with brewing illegal potions like some sort of criminal.” Petunia sneered. 

Lily came rounding the corner, a large leather book hovering in front of her. “What about laurel leaves? They’re used in potions for farsight?” 

“We’re not trying to see the future, Lily.” Severus flopped his head back and groaned. 

“Well perhaps if we could we could figure out how to make this potion work.”

“What are you working at?” Petunia peered over at Severus’ book, which was filled with a messy, handwritten script. 

Severus snapped the book shut before she could make out any meaning. “That’s none of your business.” 

“Well maybe if you told me I could help. Since you clearly seem to be in need of it.” 

“What possible help would we need from a muggle?” Severus glared at her. 

“Well, you can’t know if you don’t tell me what you’re working on.” Petunia shoved Sev over, stealing half of his seat. “Come on, I was the one who figured out that night vision potion. I can help.” 

“You had one good idea, I suppose it’s bound to happen from time to time.” Severus snatched his book away. 

“Do you two have to fight all the time?” Lily wined, her own book dropping to the table. 

“We wouldn’t fight if Petunia learned to mind her own business.” 

“I’m just trying to help, you could be grateful, you know.” 

“Magic isn’t meant for you, you shouldn’t try and involve yourself in things you don’t understand.” 

“Why, because I’m a muggle?” 

“That’s exactly why.” 

“That’s bollocks, just because I can’t do magic doesn’t mean I don’t understand it.” Petunia could read a potions textbook just as well as Severus. And she was dead clever. She had been the one to give them the idea for the nightsight potion after all. If Severus took one moment to remove his head from his own behind he would realise that Petunia could be an exceptional asset. 

“Says the muggle who made friends with a gnome.” Petunia froze. She hadn’t told Severus about Erdy. The only person she had told was-

“You told him about Erdy?” Venom leaked out of her voice and Lily flinched. 

“Was it a secret?” And, Petunia supposed she hadn’t told Lily specifically, that it had been a secret. She’d just assumed. In the same way that Lily assumed that Petunia would keep all of her secrets about the Wizarding World. But of course, Lily had told Severus. She couldn’t resist, could she? 

“That’s not- that’s not the point. You don’t have to tell him everything Lily.” 

“I thought he might know what Haberdashen was.” 

Petunia scoffed, after all this time, Lily still didn’t believe her, didn’t believe Erdy himself. “I told you. He’s a gnome.” 

“He clearly isn't! Or-or he’s a different variety or something.” 

“Christ! Can you not accept for one moment that perhaps wizards don’t know everything? That you don’t know everything.” Petunia turned on her heel and stomped up the stairs, slamming the door to her bedroom shut behind her. She was utterly sick of it. Of Lily and Severus and of them thinking they were better than Petunia all because they could do magic. It wasn’t her fault that she couldn't do magic. 

Petunia screamed and began digging through her desk drawer. It was fine. If they didn’t want Petunia to be part of their stupid potion-making escapade, she didn’t want to be a part of it either. It was perfectly fine. She didn’t need Lily to have fun. She didn’t need magic. Petunia flipped through the phone book until she found the appropriate number. 

“Robinson residence.” 

“Hello, this is Petunia Evans, is Andy available?” 

“Petunia? Hi! I didn’t think I’d hear from you.” 

“I had a change of plans, would you still like to go out tonight?” 

“I-um. Yes- yes! I’d very much like that.” 

“Wonderful. I’ll meet you at seven.” 

…

Petunia’s date with Andy Robinson was a rather awkward affair. Petunia dressed in her favourite yellow sundress, the one with tiny white flowers, and plaited her hair down her back. She’d planned on wearing a matching yellow headband that Lily had given her as a birthday gift the year before, but ripped it off at the last minute. 

Andrew took her to see a Western flick and when he asked her on the way to the theatre if she fancied them she said “No, not really.” Which sent Andy into a panicked floundering of apologies. In normal shoes, Petunia stood nearly as tall as Andy, but she’d borrowed her mother’s platform sandals which left her looking over the top of Andy’s head. When Andrew saw her he looked at the shoes glumly and said “Oh, nice shoes.” With a bit of a frown on his face. Andy was the sort of boy who wasn’t used to girls standing taller than him. 

He attempted to hold her hand in the movie theatre, and Petunia allowed him to for a full ten minutes before the stiffness and clamminess of his hand began to feel like burning and she wrenched her fingers free from his grip. When the movie was finished, which was truly a bore, Andy insisted on buying her a banana milkshake, a chocolate one for himself. 

“I don’t know how anyone would choose banana for a milkshake flavour.” Andrew chuckled when her shake arrived. 

“You don’t like bananas?” 

“Oh, they’re alright, as a fruit. But when you could have chocolate or butterscotch, banana feels right drab.” 

“Have you ever tried it?” Petunia pointed down at her own shake. 

“Well, er- no.” Petunia pushed the shake over to him and he slurped on the straw, then made a face of deep concentration. “Yeah, alright, it’s pretty good.” He pushed the shake back to her. 

“Told you.” Petunia looked down at the straw of her shake. She hadn’t really thought through the sharing of such a thing and didn’t really want to put her mouth on it anymore. But wiping it off seemed incredibly rude, so she picked up the nearly sunken spoon and ate the whipped cream off the top instead. 

“So what happened with your sister?” 

Petunia stilled. “What?”

“Didn’t you say you had to watch her?” 

“Oh! Yes. Well, I reckon she’s old enough to look after herself anyway. We’re only two years apart.” 

“Well, I’m glad you changed your mind.” Andrew grinned at her. And Petunia couldn’t tell if he was calling her on the excuse or not. 

“Me too. Besides, she can be a right prat at times, it’s nice to get away.” 

“She goes to that fancy school for geniuses doesn’t she?” Petunia nodded, it was close enough to the truth. “I’m sure that’s a nightmare. My brother went to a day camp for maths geniuses last summer and came back with an ego the size of Russia.” 

“Oh, you have no idea. She thinks she knows everything.” Petunia felt the words tumbling out of her mouth. All of her pent-up frustrations at Lily released like a dam bursting, once she started she couldn’t seem to stop. But Andy didn’t seem to mind, he listened with attentive eyes as she complained, editing the story as best she could to take out the magic. And when she’d finished, they’d worked through a second round of milkshakes. 

Andrew walked her home and they stalled at her front porch. Petunia felt this was the kind of moment in a romance novel where they might embrace. She could hear Lottie’s voice in her ear singing kiss him, you coward. 

Andy stepped forward into her personal space, looking very much like he was about to kiss her. The thought made Petunia’s stomach lurch horribly. Andy was a perfectly fine boy. And sure, their date hadn’t been the most comfortable of things, but they’d found a banter at the end. All first dates were awkward, weren’t they? Petunia just needed to push through, just let it happen. But Petunia was taller, she’d need to lean down to meet his lips. He leaned toward her, and the lump in her stomach got even bigger. She didn’t lean forward, instead, she stumbled back up the stairs and shouted ‘goodnight!” Far too loudly, before tumbling through the front door. 

Lily was sitting at the base of the staircase when Petunia came in, looking rather glum. 

She jumped to your feet. “You’re back!” Lily took a rushed step toward Petunia, then stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry about Severus.” 

“It’s alright.” Petunia said. Because her anger had boiled away, melted away from the chill of her banana shake. Because there was no use in fighting with Lily, it always ended badly for Petunia. 

“It’s not. He shouldn’t speak to you like that.” Petunia would much rather hear the apology from Severus himself, but she had no delusions about that ever happening. 

“It’s only, his parents are fighting again, you know how he gets.” Petunia did know. When Severus had first stumbled upon them all those years ago Petunia had seen a young boy desperate for a family that wasn’t his own. And for a time, Petunia believed they would be that family for them. Even if Sev got a little ornery at times, even if he lashed out whenever someone mentioned his father’s poor parenting. 

But none of that made it hurt any less when he sneered at her and spat insults like spells. 

“I said it’s alright.” 

“Right, yeah okay. Good.” Lily’s brow furrowed. “Also, I’m sorry I told him about Erdy.” 

“That’s okay. You were right, it wasn’t a secret.” But Petunia had felt betrayed all the same. 

Lily gave Petunia a once over. “You look very nice, by the way.” 

“Thanks, I had a date?” 

“A date?” Lily’s eyes blew wide open. “With who?” 

“Andrew Robinson.” 

Petunia didn’t find her and Andy’s date particularly exciting, but Lily did. She recounted their date, and suddenly it was like she and Lily were kids again. Back before magic, when Lily used to hang on to every word her sister said like an older, wiser, beacon of knowledge. Back when it was Petunia’s responsibility to teach Lily everything about how the world worked. Back when everything was right in the world. 

…

On the 16th of August, an odd looking family had shown up on their doorstep, wearing long robes and holding broomsticks. “Marlene!” Lily had shouted and flung herself at the eldest girl, who insisted on being given a tour of the Evans house, stopping every ten seconds to say “What’s that?” And flip off every single light switch. And then Lily accepted the spare broomstick from Mr McKinnon and flew away with them. 

Petunia thought it was only fair if Lily got to go on a fancy shopping trip, that Petunia got to go on one as well. The big box store Mum took her to was perhaps not as exciting as the likes of Diagon Alley, but Petunia had never been to Diagon Alley, and so she was perfectly happy to pretend that the fluorescent lights and rows of vacuum cleaners were just as interesting as anything that might be found in a wizard shop. 

As it happens, Petunia did fall in love at the Atkinsons. How could she resist? Shiny black window and smooth wood finish, the little box sat on top of a mountain of matching boxes on a corner aisle. But it was not just its sleek design that lured Petunia in, no, it was what it could do. A chipper man with a thick salt and pepper moustache had lured her in like the sirens of Greek Mythology, singing praises of the shiny little box. 

“The Litton Microwave will revolutionise your dinners.” He’d said, and Petunia and her mother had both fallen for his spell. They released twin sighs at the salesman and Holly didn’t even blink as she said: 

“Yes, we’ll take it.” 

“Do you think Dad’ll be miffed?” The microwave had been more than three hundred pounds, and while Petunia believed it more than a worthy spend, her father had always been the one to keep a lid on the finances. 

“Nah. Yer da’s always hated my cooking anyway. I reckon he’ll be nothing short of pleased.” Holly was right. Craig was delighted at the sight of the shiny new microwave atop the kitchen counter. The three Evanses ate matching microwave dinners that night and Petunia saw her glorious future of never eating cold leftovers in the reflection of her spoon. 

The new addition to her home had put her in such a chipper mood, that not even Lily’s return from Diagon Alley with boxes upon boxes of magical items, or Marlene “What’s that?” McKinnon ringing the doorbell thirty-seven times could bring her down. 

“Oh! And I got you something!” Lily shouted, after methodically showing each and every one of her purchased school supplies to Petunia. (“I told Marlene that mum and dad wouldn’t let me get a broom, but the truth is I just didn’t have the heart to tell her I don’t like Quidditch.”) 

From the bottom of a shopping bag, Lily pulled out a slender squarish book with emerald green binding and shoved it at Petunia. The cover read Tales of Beedle the Bard (and other collected children’s stories) in a thick gold script. 

“You got me… a picture book?” Petunia opened the book and discovered it was no ordinary picture book. The quaint, ink drawings came to life, moving across the page like the cartoons on television. A cauldron with feet hopped from one page to another, a lumberjack hacked at a wavering tree, and a sleeping dragon’s breath made plumes of smoke in the rhythm of a heartbeat.  

“I remembered you asking about necromancy, and Pandora mentioned there is an old Wizarding nursery rhyme about it.” Lily took the book back and flipped through the book. “Here it is, the tale of three brothers.” The page had an inky drawing of three men walking across a bridge, whilst a shadowy figure appeared and reached for them, but disappeared just as quickly. Petunia had nearly forgotten about her questions on the subject from all those months ago and didn’t have the heart to tell Lily that a children’s story wasn’t quite what she’d been looking for.

The next day, Petunia found Erdy in the garden battling with the chrysanthemums. “The nasty buggers keep tangling ‘eir roots in my bed.” Erdy scowled, kicking his foot at them. 

“Please don’t ruin the flowers.” 

“Ruin ‘em? If we don’t watch out they’ll eat the whole yard.” Erdy scoffed and turned away from the flower bed, folding his arms across his chest as if he and the flowers were in the midst of an argument. 

“I have a new book for you.” Petunia untucked Lily’s book from under her arm and sat on the porch step. 

Erdy groaned loudly. “Thought I told you you ain’t getting me to memorise your silly symbols?”

“This one has pictures.” Erdy squinted at her, deciding whether or not to trust her. He relented with a loud sigh and came to sit beside Petunia. 

“We’ll start with this one, shall we? Babbitty Rabbitty was a washer maid for a terrible king. He-“ 

“Wait a minute. ‘Erryone knows the story of Babbitty Rabbitty.” 

“They do?” 

“Of course! Babbitty Rabbitty was a bunny rabbit who lived in a wood ruled by an evil wizard. Babbitty was tasked with running all the gnomes out of the forest. Every day, Babbitty would lead the wizard to the gnome holes, and the wizard would stomp and stomp until the gnomes got sick. One night, Babbitty and the other gnomes set a trap. They dug a great gnome hole and covered it in vines. The next day when the wizard came stomping, the ground broke, and he fell through the hole. Babbity and the gnomes covered him up with dirt, and the forest was saved from the evil wizard.”

“That’s not how the story goes?” Petunia scanned over the tale in the book, just as she remembered, there was no mention of an evil wizard or a forest. 

“Of course it is!” Erdy scoffed. “Lemme see that book.” He snatched it from Petunia and glared at it. 

“Well no wonder it got the story wrong, this is a wizard book!” Erdy tossed the book behind him and Petunia jumped to save it from the bush it had landed in. 

“Hey! Don’t toss my things!” Petunia dusted the book off and opened it to another page. “Here, why don’t we try this one instead. It’s about a magic tree, you’d like that one.” Erdy grumbled again but sat back down and listened through Petunia’s story. And Petunia swore she caught him guessing the words before she said them from time to time, almost like he’d read them off the page. 

…

In the late weeks of summer, the hillside of Cokeworth bloomed with wild lavender that leaked over from the nearby farms. The flowers spotted the skyline with a purple haze and there was nothing quite like collapsing in the grass while the calming herbal scent surrounded every sense. 

Lily convinced Severus and Petunia to take bikes up the hill. Severus borrowed Petunia’s old bike that she’d outgrown and the three of them made the trek uphill. 

“I can’t wait to be back at school. I am so sick of doing things the muggle way.” Severus groaned when they reached the top, tumbling off his bike and collapsing in the grass.

“Hey! Don’t blame muggles for your sorry lack of athleticism.” Petunia hopped off her bicycle and propped it carefully against a tree before settling down in the grass next to Lily. 

“It’s not just the bicycles, though muggle transportation is sorely lacking. Muggle things are so slow, it's mind-numbing.” That was rich coming from the people who sent letters by carrier owl. Petunia rolled her eyes. 

“Not everything is better with magic, muggles have plenty of technology that is just as good as what you can do with magic.” 

Severus snorted. “Like what?” 

“The microwave is pretty impressive, don’t you think?” Lily answered. Petunia and her parents had made quite a spectacle out of introducing their new appliance to Lily once she’d returned from London. Petunia hadn’t been able to stop the little bit of pride that swelled in her that for once it was Petunia’s muggle technology that had Lily impressed.   

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, will you shut up about that bloody microwave.” Severus snapped. 

Petunia snorted. “There’s no need to be jealous, Sev. You can use our’s whenever you’d like.”

“That’s not- I’m not jealous of a sodding microwave.” He protested, but Lily and Petunia collapsed into giggles. Now that summer was almost over, Petunia couldn’t find it in her to be quite so upset with Severus. The loom of his and Lily’s departure tinted Petunia’s sight rosy. Besides, he had been in a much better mood ever since he and Lily successfully completed their vision swapping potion, or at least, he had been.

Severus scowled. “I cannot wait until I’m of age and I never have to see another damn muggle in my life.” 

“Oh come on Sev, you don’t mean that.” Lily said.

“I do. As soon as I’m old enough I’m getting out of this godforsaken town and never coming back.” For Severus, Cokeworth and muggles had always been intertwined. He saw them as one and the same. And Petunia could certainly appreciate the sentiment of leaving this town behind, going somewhere that wasn’t so much of nothing. 

“Cokeworth isn’t the only place with muggles.” Lily drawled exasperatedly. 

“I’ll find somewhere.” Severus insisted. Slowly, Petunia’s rosey vision started to fade.

“Like where? There’s muggles everywhere. You can’t possibly avoid all of us.”

Severus shrugged. “I’ll move to Hogsmeade or get a job at Hogwarts, I don’t know. Just so much as I never have to see another muggle.” 

Petunia couldn’t help the spark of fury set in her, she sat up on her elbow.

“Jeeze Sev, do you have to be such a bloody arsehole all the time?”

“Obviously, he doesn’t mean you Pet.” Lily answered again, ever trying to diffuse the bomb between them. But Severus pressed on.

“She’s a muggle isn't she?” Petunia’s heart skidded to a halt, any goodwill melting away. Here she was giving Severus the opportunity to not say the most horrible thing possible. And like always, he went out of his way to say it anyway. 

“Christ. I am so sick of you.” Petunia jumped to her feet and marched back to her bike. 

“Severus.” Lily clamoured to a stand. “Why would you say that? Wait- Pet. Hold on.” 

“No! I don’t know why I keep putting up with his shit behaviour. It’s shit, Lily.” Bright hot anger spread through her chest, threatening to spill out of her like bile, like-

“Merlin, muggles are so dramatic.” Severus muttered. 

“I’m not dramatic!” Petunia screeched. “God, you are such a miserable little-“

“Petunia!” Lily scolded. 

“What? It’s true! He’s wretched, and I’m sick of it. Just because his daddy’s a shit muggle doesn’t give him the right to treat the rest of us like dung.” The rage bubbled up, knocking against her teeth.

“Don’t talk about my father!” Severus was to his feet in an instant. 

“Oh, why not? Because if we actually talked about it you’d have to come up with some other excuse to be a miserable ponce all the time!” She was so sick. Sick to her stomach, sick to her very core. Sick of making excuses for him all the time. Sick of letting Lily talk her down after he insulted her right to her face. She wouldn’t do it this time. She wouldn’t. 

“Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Severus’ voice cracked through his anger, like he might cry. Good. For once he could be the one brought to tears. 

Tears did come, but they weren’t his. 

Petunia’s voice broke as she tried to hold them back. “Of course not! Because you never talk to me, you’ve completely shut me out, all because I can’t do magic.” 

“Yes. Because you’re just like the rest of them. Spiteful and jealous and-“ 

“God! Do you even hear yourself? You are the most selfish, self-important prat I have ever met. How anyone can stand you is a miracle.”

“Well, at least I’m not a pathetic muggle who thinks she can be a witch. When will you understand that you’ll never be one of us?” The anger bubbled up and Petunia couldn’t hold it back. Couldn’t stop it as it spilt over and Petunia shoved Severus square in the chest. Severus stumbled back, eyes wide in shock, then in anger. Oh God. She hadn’t meant to shove him. Petunia wasn’t violent. She would never hit someone, only she had. A horrible terror spread inside her. She opened her mouth to spill out an apology, but then Severus was surging forward, his wand out and in Petunia’s face, inches from her nose. 

“Get that thing out of my face.” 

“What are you too much of a coward to face a wizard?” And it was there again. That thing inside her that wanted to scream and shove him again. 

“Stop it!” Lily screeched. “Both of you!” She ran between them, forcing Severus’ wand away. 

“Point that thing at me again and I’ll break it in half.” Petunia snatched her bike and raced down the hill. Lily might have called after her but the sound was lost. The rush of the wind sprayed her own tears across her face. Her heartbeat pounded so loudly she could feel it in her ears and her toes and her tongue. She hardly remembered coming home or putting her bike away or going up to her room. She moved without thinking until she was face down on her bed screaming into her pillow. 

“Petunia.” Lily’s insistent fist rattled the door. “Petunia!” 

Petunia ripped the door open. “What?” Lily’s face was flushed and red-eyed like it always was after a good bike ride- or a good cry.

“I’m sorry. Sev didn’t mean any of that. He-“ 

“Christ Lil, when are you going to stop defending him?” 

“He didn’t mean it!” 

“He did! He thinks he’s better than me just because he can do some silly magic tricks!” 

“That’s not-you can’t blame him for wanting to be with other wizards. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to hide who you are all the time?” 

“Yes! I do it for you! Do you think I like lying to people about where my sister is? Or about magic? Or Erdy? I do it for you! Because of your stupid wizard rules!” 

“They’re not stupid! It’s to protect us!” 

“Protect you from what?” 

“Muggles! If they knew about magic they’d try and hurt us!” Lily’s face was wide and earnest like she really believed it. Lily didn’t have a dishonest bone in her body and wasn’t that just the problem? When people told her something was true, she believed them. 

“God! You are just like him!” Petunia slammed the door. 

Chapter Text

“Perhaps we should look into getting you one of those owls, darling. All your friends have them don’t they?” Lily’s mother asked as her father circled King’s Cross Station a third time in search of a parking spot. 

Holly rambled when she was nervous, it was a trait that all the Evans women shared, perhaps passed on from generations of Evanses, attempting to fill awkward silences or soften uncomfortable news. Holly had fallen to it rather frequently in the recent days as she tried futilely to mend the patch between her feuding daughters and fight off the storm cloud of bad temperament that radiated off them each like a worsening stench. 

Lily didn’t need an owl, her enchanted phone worked just fine. Not that she thought she’d have much need for it this year, the only place she ever called was home and she didn’t think she’d be doing much of that. She didn’t tell her mother that though, instead giving some sort of noncommittal answer and letting her mum distract herself with talks of holiday plans. 

Petunia had refused to come with the family to London, which was all well and fine with Lily. She had no interest in being trapped in a car with Petunia for hours while her sister muttered passive aggressive comments to her reflection in the window. Lily would much rather spend time savouring her last few precious hours with her parents alone, pretending she was an only child. 

As long as Lily could remember, her sister had been stubborn and quick to anger, directing it at Lily even when she wasn’t to blame. Like when Petunia’s favourite barrette went missing and Petunia came to the conclusion that Lily must have been the one to take it, despite Lily having no interest in the sapphire-crusted clip- blue wasn’t her colour. Or the time their parents decided to take them to the carnival instead of the zoo like Petunia wanted, and Petunia spent the whole evening glowering at Lily and stepping on the backs of her shoes as if Lily had any control over their parents’ choices. Or the time Severus opened his stupid mouth and said something about muggles that he knew would send Petunia into a tailspin, which of course it did. Somehow that was Lily’s fault too. 

And she’d apologised anyway. Even though she had been the one to stop the fight, to come to her sister’s defence, because Petunia was right, Severus was being a foul arse. But it wasn’t enough. Petunia was still intent on blaming Lily, on ruining what little they had left of summer. And Lily wouldn’t stand for it. She wouldn’t grovel at her sister’s feet for forgiveness for crimes she didn’t even commit. If Petunia refused to accept that then so be it. 

Good riddance. 

Her mum and dad were teary-eyed and coddling as they sent her off through the platform. They’d insisted on driving her to the train this time. Severus too, but Lily hadn’t spoken to him since the fight either. After Petunia screamed at her, she’d found Petunia’s old bike abandoned on the front lawn, Severus nowhere in sight. Perhaps she should have gone to check on him, but, well… she was no more pleased with him than Petunia. 

Her mother ran through Lily’s packing list a third time, which was mostly an excuse to prolong the goodbye, checking twice that she’d remembered her toothbrush and enough socks. Her father made her promise to call ‘her mother’ no less than twice a week as if he wouldn’t be waiting by the phone for her to ring. They hugged her tight and watched as she disappeared through the brick wall.

And then Lily was alone. 

The buzz of the crowd rushed around Lily and she suddenly felt off balance. She needed to board the train. It was a simple enough task. Lily ran through the steps. She’d get on the train, then she’d find a compartment. But Severus wasn’t with her. So she’d have to find a new place to sit. It felt rude to take up an empty compartment all by herself. She could sit in a non-empty compartment. Lily craned her neck around the platform, searching for a familiar face among the crowd. Surely her friends would be here by now. She could wait for them, or perhaps they were already on the train. What if she waited too long and the train left without her? What if she went on without them and they were insul-

“Lily!” Pandora’s chirping voice rang out a moment before the other girl tackled Lily in a hug. “Oh, I’ve missed you!” Pandora sang and released Lily. 

Lily couldn’t help but giggle as relief spread over her. “I missed you too, Pandy.” Pandora’s white blonde hair was sunbleached and somehow even lighter than before and her skin was glowing, not with a tan but with a light shimmer, like she’d stepped straight off a fashion magazine. 

“Pandora, don’t run off without saying goodbye.” A light voice called from somewhere in the crow, Pandora’s eyes widened in delight. 

“Coming! Lily, you must meet my mums.” Pandora tugged Lily along to where two witches fussing with the robes of a rather mortified Apollo and Prometheus Selwyn.

“Mums! This is my roommate Lily Evans.” Pandora shoved Lily in between herself and her parents, which the Selwyn boys took as an opportunity to make a swift escape for the train. “Lily, these are my parents, Astrid and Sophia Selwyn.” It had taken Lily months in first year to figure out that when Pandora spoke about her ‘mums’ she meant it in the plural sense. Two mums. Lily had never heard of such a thing. When she inquired further, asking how such a thing was possible, Pandora had looked at her with a tilted head of concern and asked ‘You do know where babies come from, don’t you?’ And, well Lily had certainly thought she did, but as she came to learn, magic made a many number of things possible, stretching the bounds of ways which one could come about a child. And wizards weren’t held down to the same primitive ideals of love that muggles were.

“Lily! Lovely to meet you, Pandora’s told us so much about you.” Astrid was a tall witch with golden skin and wild wavy hair like spun caramel. She had Pandora’s high cheekbones and long chin and was draped in a flowing white robe with silver and blue shimmering embellishments. 

“We were so impressed with that potion you sent us this summer, I always say creative ingenuity is the most important quality a witch can have.” Sophia was short and lithe like Pandora with the same bright blue eyes and shimmering white hair that she’d styled back into an elegant bun, she wore a blue and silver robe that mirrored her wife's. 

Pandora always shrugged off accusations of veela ancestry, claiming that she was just rather pale, or perhaps she had a great-great aunt a dozen generations back who was half veela, or that she simply wouldn’t have the ‘foggiest clue’. But in the presence of Sophia Selwyn, it was undeniable. She was the most beautiful person Lily had ever seen. She and Astrid both looked like they might have stepped straight off a runway. Lily had the undeniable desire to make them like her, which, yes, Lily felt that way around all parents, but none quite so glamorous and interesting as-

The train let out a guzzling whistle, warning of its impending departure. Pandora made quick work of wishing her parents farewell and pulled Lily along onto the train and into an empty compartment. 

“…and the flying in Cassis is absolutely mad, I’m not much of a flyer myself, but even I couldn’t resist. There’re glamours there that have been up since the 1800s to keep muggles from spotting us. There’s nothing quite like flying over the ocean where the sky and sea all start to blend together. Though Theus did accidentally dive through the water a few times.” Pandora giggled as she detailed her summer escapades. 

The door to their compartment slammed open. “There you two are! Thought I was going to have to check every compartment.” Mary settled her hands triumphantly on her hips, mile wild grin spread across her face. She was still in muggle clothes; a bright orange jumpsuit and a big pink floral scarf. Tangled in the scarf was a ropey yellow-

“Is that a snake?” Lily screeched. Mary nodded and reached for the reptile, untangling it from the scarf. 

“Yeah! Isn’t she aces?” Mary held the snake out on full display, far too close to Lily’s face, she slid as far back in her seat as she could. “This is Dot.” 

“You got a pet snake?! But we’re Gryffindors!” Lily exclaimed. 

Mary blew a raspberry and chuckled. “You sound like James. Come on- Slytherins don’t have dominion over pet snakes, and look how cool she is.” Lily eyed the scaly thing carefully. Dot was no wider than a finger and daffodil yellow, with little white rings around her sides. She had beady, red eyes that didn’t seem to acknowledge Lily in the slightest. 

“Well, I think she’s brill Mary!” Pandora craned her neck to peer at the ropey lizard. “Snakes are a symbol of rebirth, you know? I think this year will be rejuvenating for all of us.” She frowned slightly, “I just hope she gets on with Nix.” Mary narrowed her eyes and pulled Dot close to her chest. 

“You keep that terrorist away from Dot.” Mary and Pandora’s owl didn’t get on much. Nix had a tendency to swoop in through the window of their dorm and barrel straight into Mary’s bed, tangling in the curtains or colliding with a sleeping Mary. “If she eats Dot-“

“She wouldn’t! Nix is a good owl!” Pandora insisted. 

“Owls eat snakes!” 

“She won’t eat your snake, they’ll be best friends, I’m certain.” Mary glared at Pandora sceptically, but Pandora seemed all too certain of the inter-species friendship.

“Where’s Marls?” Lily asked when the train lurched forward. 

“Probably somewhere schmoozing up to Gideon Prewett.” Mary snorted. When they had all met up in Diagon Alley, Marlene spoke of nothing other than Quidditch and how she was determined to make first beater this year, which apparently began by winning the favour of their Captain. 

The door to the compartment slid open. “Oh- sorry, we were just looking for an empty compartment.” 

The last time Lily had seen Sirius Black was at the Hogwarts end-of-term feast. He and James had been lamenting proudly over their ‘very impressive feat’ of losing Gryffindor so many house points they had come in dead last in the house point competition, which was the exact opposite of what they were meant to do. But despite taking delight in a year’s worth of low-grade terrorism, Sirius had been bright-eyed and exuberant, with wrinkly robes and his overgrown hair falling in every which direction. This Sirius could have been a completely different person. His hair was shiny and slicked back, not unlike the very first time Lily had met him. His eyes were sunken and red around the pupils and he stood straight as a board. 

“Siri!” Pandora cheered. “Nonsense, we’ve plenty of room!” She slid over to the edge of the bench to open up the seat.

Sirius stayed frozen, “Oh, I’m not sure. Regul-“ 

‘Oh just get in the compartment Black.” Mary exclaimed, which seemed to free Sirius from his paralysis, he shuffled inside and slid in next to Pandora. Behind him, came a near-perfect replica. He was a smidge shorter and had a bit more round in the face, but they could have been twins. 

“Regulus!” Pandora beamed at Other Sirius, who sat on the bench next to Sirius lightly as if he didn’t believe it load bearing.

“Hullo Pandora.” Regulus Black had the same posh accent as his brother, but a flat affect and a meekness that sounded nothing like Sirius. 

“You must be so excited for your first year!” 

“Yes.” He said, unconvincingly. 

“Woah.” Mary said. “It’s like seeing double.” 

“Right?” Lily whispered, and the other Black scowled at them. 

“Who are these people, Sirius?” 

“This is Mary Macdonald and Lily Evans, they’re um, in my house.” Sirius said and glanced back and forth between the girls and his brother nervously. 

“Gryffindors?” Regulus whispered, though not very quietly, and eyed Mary and Lily sceptically. Lily and Mary nodded whilst Regulus narrowed his eyes as he evaluated them. His flickering gaze made Lily feel squirmy.

“I like your snake.” Regulus finally said. 

Sirius gasped. “You got a snake?! Macdonald you traitor!” 

…

Lily didn’t see Severus until the first Potions lesson of the year. Well, she had seen him. Brief glances while disembarking the train and during the sorting ceremony (The McKinnon twins went to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, respectively, a tragedy for Marlene. Regulus went to Slytherin, which put Sirius in even more of a sour mood than he’d already arrived in.) She’d tried to avoid looking at the Slytherin table at all, but when the youngest Black was sorted the table erupted in such vigorous applause it was impossible to look away. 

Lily hadn’t realised how far out of their way she and Severus had gone to see each other the year before. Without that concerted effort, it’s surprisingly easy to avoid each other. Not that Lily was avoiding Severus intentionally, she just wasn’t making the effort to not avoid him. 

But Lily was planning on, no- determined to have a good year. So she entered the potions lab and walked up to Severus like she had every week the year prior with a bright smile on her face. “Morning!” 

“Oh, so you’re speaking to me now?”

“I-I wasn’t ignoring you.” 

“No, just abandoning me on hillsides, that’s all.” 

“Sev, I’m sorry-I had to-I really don’t think now is the right time to talk about this.” 

Severus snorted. “Of course, you don’t.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Wouldn’t want any of your little Gryffindors to overhear how much of a lousy friend you are would you?” Severus spat. 

Class began before Lily could get another word out, Professor Slughorn beckoned them all to choose a partner and Lily blurted out: 

“Remus! Be my potions partner.” In such a loud, frantic state the entire class stopped and stared at her. Remus gaped at her with crinkled brows.

“Oh- er um, I don’t know.” Remus glanced over at Peter, who had been his partner last year.

“Please. I promise I’ll be a good partner, I’m excellent at potions. You won’t regret it” Lily caught and held Remus’ eye contact with persistence until Remus conceded. 

“Alright.” 

Unlike the year before, Slughorn set them to brewing straight away, beginning with a fire protection spell. Lily and Severus had practised it over the summer, so it presented little challenge.

“Why did you want me to be your partner?” Remus asked as he carefully sliced up the bursting mushrooms. “Snape is way better at potions than me.”

“I’m already the best at potions.” Lily said, which was a rather conceited thing to say, but also, true. Lily had cracked a potion that had only been done before by ancient fairies over her summer vacation; she hardly even needed a partner at all to succeed. “I don’t need Severus’ help.” 

“Besides, I thought this way, if you get sick again this year it will be easier for me to help you catch up.” Lily suspected Remus had been sick quite a lot over the summer. He’d come back to school with sallow eyes and looking nearly two stone lighter, elbows and knuckles even knobbier than before. 

“Oh. Well, thanks.”  

When the potions class ended, Severus was waiting for her outside the door, but she still couldn't face him. “Lily-“?” 

“Sorry, I’m late for….” Lily didn’t finish thinking up an excuse, rushing down the hallway before Severus could stop her. She didn’t want to talk to him, even if it was for him to apologize. She was so sick of people blaming her for things that weren’t her bloody fault.

The halls seemed extra crowded, noisy and chaotic from the mix of new students fumbling their way through the halls in efforts to navigate the castle-labyrinth. With the added bustle, Lily didn’t even notice James until he pulled up right next to her.

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day you blew off Snivelus.” 

“Sod off, Potter.” If Lily didn’t want to talk to Severus, she certainly didn’t want to talk to James. 

“Oh come on Evans, I’m complimenting you, this is real character development. I feel like a proud papa.” Lily spun on her heel to face him. James stuttered to a halt to prevent from crashing into her, as students scattered abruptly to make their way around the sudden roadblock.

“Christ! Is everything a joke to you?” 

“Um- I feel like I should say no but-“ 

Lily let out a sharp groan. “You’re insufferable!” 

She turned on her heel and stomped back to Gryffindor Tower. The girls’ dormitory still possessed the stiff crispness from a summer of disuse. The other girls had probably gone straight to dinner and the room was empty. Lily threw her book bag on the floor, its contents spilled out and scattered across the floor, quills and chapstick rolling beneath the furniture. 

Lily snatched the magic phone from under the bed and sparked it to life, dialling the only number she ever used. The line rang and rang until her mother’s familiar voice message came through. “You’ve reached the Evans residence…” Lily huffed and slammed the receiver down and flung herself face down on her bed. She was sick of everything, of everyone. 

“Alright there Mate?” Lily jerked up. She hadn’t even heard Marlene come in. Marlene climbed up onto Lily’s bed and Lily sat up quickly, rubbing her hand over her face to catch any rogue tears that might have slipped out. 

“Yes. Fine.” 

“Right, I can see that.” Marlene raised an eyebrow at her sceptically then leaned back against the post of Lily’s bed and spread her arms out like a bird. “Come on, tell Mama Marls what’s wrong.” Lily burst into a helpless chuckle. 

“You are so weird.” She said even as she fell face first into the crook of Marlene’s shoulder. The weight of Marlene’s hands around her, warm and grounding, instantly calmed her.

“Someone’s got to take care of you lot. And as the older and wiser mage-“ 

“You’re only a year older than me, Marley.” 

“A year and a half. Speaking of which, have you gotten me a present yet? Because if you have I’m requesting you exchange it for Wanda’s Weightless Broom Polish.” Lily laughed into Marlene’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, alright I’ll do that.” Lily sat back up and squeezed the lingering tears from her eyes. Marlene shifted to lie down on her side, propped up on one arm and Lily mirrored her. 

“So, what’s wrong? Who do I have beat up?” 

“God, no one. Violence isn’t the answer to everything.” Lily chuckled. 

“Right, yup, of course not.” Marlene nodded, lips tightening into a mischievous smile. 

“Though if you wanted to knock James off his broom during Quidditch tryouts I wouldn’t be too upset.” 

“Consider it done. Is that all? Potter being a berk again.” 

“Potter is always a berk.” Lily rolled onto her back to stare at the canopy overhead. “Pet and I got in a fight. She and Severus were fighting all summer and she-.” Lily’s face turned hot and she was helpless to the rush of tears that followed.  

“Hey now, none of that.” 

“I’m not a bad sister.” Lily cried anyway. “I’m not. And- I- I’m trying so hard to be good but it’s never enough, Pet- she just- it’s like everything I do is rotten and-“ 

“Hey- Hey.” Marlene pulled Lily back to her side. “Look at me. You’re not rotten. Okay? I won’t stand for you insulting my friend like that.” 

“Do you think it’s wrong? That we keep magic a secret?” Lily said quietly. 

‘What? Of course not? Why would you say that?” 

“Pet thinks it’s not fair.”

“We keep magic a secret to keep us safe. When muggles knew about magic they were afraid of it, they tried to kill us. It’s safer for everyone this way.” Lily knew that, she’d told Petunia that very thing. Her History of Magic Professor had taught them all about the history of the Witch Hunts in the very first weeks of First Year. She just didn’t understand why Petunia couldn’t believe her.

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

The corner of Marlene’s lip tugged up, “I know, I’m always right.” 

“Shut up.” 

…

All things considered, Remus wasn’t actually all that terrible at potions. Sure, he might not have the skill of someone who spent their entire summer testing the boundaries of potions making, but very few people did. And Remus was a dedicated student. He approached his studies with the frantic intensity of someone who viewed their marks as a life-or-death situation. Lily admired that in him. He read all the assigned readings twice and copied down every word their professors uttered, even the ones that were thoroughly unimportant. In fact, the only trouble with Remus was that he was so often, not there. One could know everything there was to know about brewing a potion, but it meant little if they weren’t there to brew it. 

“I crystallised the salamander blood on Tuesday so it should be ready for the potion.” Lily explained to Remus when they arrived at their potions station. 

Remus locked eyes with the floor. “I’m really sorry again.” 

Lily rolled her eyes and nudged his shoulder “It’s not your fault, you were sick. Besides, I could brew a fire protection potion in my sleep. Really, don’t worry about it.” Remus had caught a nasty case of sniffling snotbugs on Monday and had been hidden away in the infirmary for two days while Madam Pomfrey expelled the nasty buggers.  

“I know but it’s not fair that I left you to do all the work. I’m a shit partner.” 

“Remus. It’s fine. Just help me finish and we’ll call it even.” Remus pursed his lips and began to look around their potion station. 

“Right, okay yeah.” He grabbed a mortar and pestle. “So we just need to crush the wartcap and mix it into a paste with the-“ He shuffled through the different containers on the ingredients rack. “The- what’s it called, the bursting mushrooms?” 

“Amanita crepitus.”

“Right- that.” Remus continued on his search, turning round every jar until he found his target. Careful not to touch any of the contents with his bare hands, Remus got to work delicately slicing the bursting mushrooms and pounding them into a paste. He moved in a rush, with shaky hands and Lily fought the urge to shake him by the shoulders and tell him to calm down. Remus often worked himself up like this, stressing himself into a frantic panic, as if he were performing a particularly high-stakes test.

But there was no test. 

He worked so quickly that Lily missed him, adding the chunks of wartcap to the mushroom paste until they were already being crushed together. “Actually, we should probably crush the wartcap first, it makes for a finer and more consistent powder.” Lily said and Remus dropped the pestle abruptly. 

“Bollocks, you’re right. Sorry.” Remus raked his hands through his disorderly tawny hair and let out a frustrated groan. “Sorry.” He said again, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

“It’s fine, it’s an easy mistake to fi-“ Lily’s attention snapped to a bright red gash peeking out beneath the sleeve of his robe. “Are you okay?” 

“What?” Remus’ gaze flickered down to his own arm where Lily’s eyes were fixed on a series of long gashes that disappeared up his forearm. Remus grabbed at the sleeve of his robe and pulled it frantically down over the cut. “I’m fine.” He said too loudly and too quickly. “It’s nothing.” 

Lily’s brows crinkled in concern. “Remus, that didn’t look like nothing.” 

“It’s fine, James dragged us out after curfew last night and I had a bit of a run-in with Mrs. Norris. It’s just a scratch, really.” Mrs Norris was a horrible, mangy thing, but she was hardly large enough to make such a mark. 

“Have you gone to see Madam Pomfrey? You shouldn’t be sneaking out when you were just ill. What was James thinking?” Lily reached for Remus’ arm but he yanked it away. 

“He wasn’t- it wasn’t. I’m fine.” 

“I really think you should-“ 

“Just drop it, Lily.” Remus shouted. “Please.” 

Lily relented, and they returned their attention to the potion, but Lily couldn’t drop it. This was far from the first unexplained injury Remus had acquired. Remus was always showing up with mysterious injuries and half-baked explanations of tripping down the stairs or falling out of his bed or slipping in the shower. And of course, there was his propensity for illness. “I’ve got a weak immune system.” He’d answered once, with a shrug. Lily assumed they’d been related, perhaps being ill all the time made a person tired and uncareful, more prone to accidents.

“There’s just no way a cat did that to him.” Lily’s resolve to mind her own business had only lasted until that evening when Mary mentioned that it must be nice for Lily to have her potions partner back.

“I don’t know Lil, Mrs. Norris is a scrappy beast.” Mary was hunched over on the floor, polishing her toes with bright pink paint. 

“You didn’t see it, it was the size of his entire arm.” Lily exclaimed, waving the cap of her own nail polish in the air. “I just don’t know why he’d lie to me.” Lily huffed and tried to steady her brush hand as she adorned her fingers in a baby blue. 

Mary shrugged. “Maybe he’s embarrassed, maybe it was something weird.” 

“Like what?” 

“I dunno, maybe Black bit him or something, he’s a funny bloke.” Mary laughed at herself.

“It didn’t look like a bite, it looked like, I don’t know… but it’s just weird. He’s always getting hurt or sick, don’t you think it’s odd?” 

“Maybe he’s cursed or something.” Mary stuck her foot in the air to examine her handiwork.

“Cursed?” 

“Yeah, like with bad luck or something? Wizards are always getting into that kind of trouble.” 

The door to their dorm swung open and Pandora immediately wrinkled her nose. “What’s that smell?” 

“Nail polish.” Lily answered, and Pandora’s scrunched face fell into a look of contemplation 

“It smells like poison.” Pandora plopped down on the floor between the others. “Can I try it?” 

Mary shoved a basket full of different paint bottles at Pandora, who immediately began digging and examining the little bottles with intensity. 

“Where’d you disappear to, Pandy?” Lily asked, switching to paint her other hand. 

“I was helping the boys with a project.” Pandora picked out a sparkly blue paint and began imitating Lily, carefully colouring her nails.

“She means a prank.” Mary snorted. 

“I don’t know why you encourage them with that stuff, all it ever does is get our house in trouble.” The week before the first-floor bathrooms had flooded with never-ending bubbles that spilled out of the bathrooms and into the corridor, leaking all the way into the Great Hall. No one had taken direct credit for it, but James and Sirius giggled the whole day. 

“It’s because she’s got a fat crush on James.” Mary snickered. 

“I do not!” Pandora insisted, turning bright pink from head to toe. “Jamie and I are just friends.” 

“You hear that Lil? She and Jamie are just friends.” Mary cooed and fell into a fit of laughter.

Pandora gasped in offence. “We are!” 

“But you do fancy him don’t you?” 

“I - erm, well I don’t quite think of it like that.” 

“That’s Pandy speak for yes.” Mary amended and Lily supposed that explained a lot. Pandora was always going off with James and the other boys. Lily always assumed it was because she had a penchant for looking for trouble, but she’d never considered that it might be that Pandora had feelings for James. James, who was loud and garish and demanded to be the centre of attention and couldn’t hold his tongue to save his own life.

Lily wrinkled her nose. “You fancy James? Why?” 

“Well, he is quite fit.” Mary answered for Pandora and Lily sputtered. 

“James?”

“Oh, surely you’ve noticed.” 

Lily certainly had not noticed. “Potter is a troll.” 

“On the inside maybe. Outside he’s more…” Mary fanned herself and blew out a slow breath before erupting into laughter. 

“Ew!” 

Mary rolled her eyes.“You’re just biassed because you hate him.” 

“Am not.” 

“People can be fit even if you don’t like them.” That was true enough, but not at all relevant in this instance, because James Potter was neither fit nor likable.

“James is not fit.” 

“Sure he is, I mean, maybe not as fit as Sirius.” 

“You think Sirius is fit?”  

Mary rolled her eyes. “Everyone thinks Sirius is fit.” 

“He is quite pretty.” Pandora supplied. Which yes, was true. Lily had noticed that, but she’d also noticed his unwaveringly garish personality.

“I reckon he’s probably the prettiest person in our entire year, well, after Emmaline, but certainly the prettiest boy.” Mary had long since confessed that she thought Emmaline Vance was the most beautiful person on the planet. Lily didn’t know about that, but she did know that Emmaline was always complimenting Mary’s spellwork, and that was bound to win her some favour. “Lily probably hasn’t noticed because she only has eyes for Severus.” Mary commentated to Pandora. 

Lily’s mouth fell open. “I do not!” Never mind that they were fighting, Lily and Severus were friends, he wasn’t someone she- she didn’t. “I do not fancy Severus.” 

Pandora crinkled her eyebrows in the way she did when she was having a particularly rousing thought. “Well, I suppose he does have a sort of illustrious Count Dracula sense to him.” 

Mary snorted. “What?” 

But Lily had enough “I do not fancy him!” 

“Sure you don’t Lil.” Mary sucked her bottom lip in concentration as she painted her pinky. “Though I suppose you’ve moved on to Loops now haven’t you?” Mary wiggled her eyebrows.

“You fancy Remus?” Pandora gaped at Lily with shocked wide eyes. 

“Never shuts up about him.” Mary cackled. Lily felt hot all of the sudden. She didn’t fancy Remus, that was ridiculous. They were friends. A friend Lily was very concerned about at the moment. Mary had to stop accusing her of fancying all her friends.

“Because I’m worried about him, not because I-I“ Lily stammered.  

Pandora looked up from her paint job. “Wait, why are you worried?” 

“Lily thinks he’s cursed.” Mary snorted. Pandora tensed into a frozen state, and a bit of blue polish dripped onto the floor. 

“I don’t think he’s cursed. I just think something is wrong, he had this huge gash on his arm and he’s always sick or injured.” 

“Nothing is wrong with Remus.” Pandora said sternly, wiping away the spilt polish with the sleeve of her robe. 

“But what if-“

“He’s fine, Lily.”

“I-“ Pandora was looking at her with a fierce, serious glare that Lily had never seen from her before. It stole the words from her mouth. “Yeah okay.” Lily turned back to her own nails and they settled into a silence until Mary shoved her hand in Lily’s face. 

“Do my right, I always bollocks it up.”   

…

The Gryffindor Quidditch team deliberately chose the most awful day in October to host tryouts. According to Gideon Prewett, one could only test the true measure of a player when the weather was truly horrific. The weeks leading up to tryouts consisted of eager and nervous quidditch enthusiasts following Gideon around like desperate devotees, waiting for him to make the call, until eventually, on one Tuesday morning, when the lingering overcast had turned to darkened storm clouds, and the air was crisp with the anticipation of approaching rain, Gideon addressed his onlookers and said: “Today’s the day” 

Which is how Lily found herself bundled in her winter cloak on top of the quidditch stand, sandwiched between Pandora and Remus as winds assaulted them from all sides. 

“Think they’d even notice if left?” Mary shouted over the roar of the wind from beside Pandora.

“We can’t leave! We promised Marls!” 

“What?” Mary shouted back. 

“I said! We can’t leave-“ 

“WHAT?” Lily groaned and reached for her wand, casting an impervious around the four of them, creating a bubble of silence and stillness from the crashing wind. 

“We promised Marls.” Lily said.

“If we leave, Sirius will blame us when he doesn’t make the team.” Remus supplied with a dark laugh. Sirius had practically dragged them all to the pitch, lamenting that he ‘couldn’t perform without an audience’. 

“You don’t think he’ll make the team?” Pandora asked and Remus shrugged. 

“We’re only second years.” Marlene had only been a second year when she made the team, but then again, she had only made the reserve team, which everyone knew wasn’t really the same thing. 

“Is that why you didn’t try out?” Lily asked.

Remus shrugged. “I’m not a good flyer.” Just then, James went zooming by, outracing the wind. He curved around the pitch and shot the quaffle, it went soaring past Frank and into the goal. 

“James might make it.” Mary noted. “He’s wicked fast.” Infuriatingly fast, Lily thought. It wasn’t fair, James didn’t even need to try and yet somehow he was the best at everything. He approached everything with reckless abandon and carelessness and yet somehow everything worked out for him anyway. It annoyed Lily to no end. 

“He is, isn’t he?” Pandora said with a dreamy look on her face. Lily scowled. A whistle blew and the players descended from the sky. 

Suddenly, Lily’s bubble spell broke, returning the rush of wind and mist to them with a vengeance. 

“SORRY!” Someone yelled, and Lily rushed to put the spell back up. “So sorry!” Lily leaned over to see Regulus Black had slotted in next to Mary. 

“Baby Black!” Mary shouted, Regulus scowled at the name, looking not unlike a disgruntled cat. “What are you doing here?”   

“Same as you, I assume, Sirius insisted.” Regulus rolled his eyes dramatically. Lily eyed him warily. Sirius’ younger brother was a prickly little thing, his overt disdain for the world was only betrayed by his clear admiration for his brother. It was unlikely he would admit it, but not just anyone would be willing to face such ungodly weather for a measly tryout viewing. As evidenced by Marlene’s younger siblings, who were notably not in attendance.

The players returned to the sky, taking new positions, which Pandora explained was how tryouts often went. The potential players would rotate, trying out the different positions they were interested in. Marlene had changed from the red team to gold and donned her beater’s bat. The scrimmage started up again and the players went zooming by in a flurry. 

Only two players from the team had graduated last year, both chasers, and one of the beater spots already went to Gideon. If Marlene wanted a spot as a beater she would have to beat out Lindsey Bell, a fifth year with a wicked batting arm, if she wanted a spot on the team. Lindsey and Gideon paired off on the red team against Marlene and Sirius and the four battled in the air, circling around the chasers. It shouldn’t have been a fair fight, but Marlene was formidable with a bat. Frank got a hold of the quaffle and made a dash for the goal where Peter was acting keeper for the gold team. With a crack of his bat, Gideon sent a bludger straight for Frank. Marlene dove toward the bludger, knocking it off course and toward the red team's chasers. Frank launched the quaffle toward the lower goal post and Peter made a leap for it, but the ball went sailing passed him into the goal. 

“Wooh! Go McKinnon!” Mary shouted. 

Marlene knocked Alice near off her broom, but the red team managed to score, not soon after did the gold team score twice more. Callum Wollpert got a hold of the quaffle for the gold team and raced toward the goal, but was cut short by a whistle calling the game to a halt. 

“What happened?” Lily asked. Pandora grinned and pointed to James, who Lily had hardly noticed was on the field, but there he was, holding a shining golden ball in his hand. 

“James caught the snitch!”

“I told you he’s fast.” Mary added. The players all left the sky to reshuffle positions again. 

“I still think seekers don’t make sense.” Lily muttered and the other Gryffindors groaned.  

“Not this again.” Mary laughed. Lily may or may not have spent the majority of last year’s Quidditch matches complaining to her friends about the nonsensical nature of the sport. 

“The snitch is worth so many points it completely defeats the purpose of the other players. Why even have the game if whoever catches the snitch first automatically wins?” 

“It’s about strategy.” Regulus interjected, Lily had nearly forgotten he was there, such a quiet thing. “In the early game a captured snitch is an automatic win, but as the game goes on it turns into a game of timing. If your team is behind by more than 150 points it becomes the seekers' job to prevent the other seeker from capturing the snitch, without catching it yourself. If a seeker chooses the wrong time to catch the snitch they can cause their team to automatically lose. A good seeker not only has to be skilled enough to catch the snitch, but smart enough to catch it at the correct time.” He finished. Funnily, Lily never would have taken him for a Quidditch fanatic.

Still, Lily wasn’t convinced. “But that only matters if one team is more than a hundred and fifty points ahead, most games don’t even get that high of a score.” 

“It sounds like a lot, but it’s only fifteen goals really. Professional games often reach 300 or more points. You only think it’s a lot because teenagers are shit at quidditch.” Lily gaped at the curse that fell out of Regulus’ mouth, in the same unaffected posh accent that he always spoke in. 

Remus let out a choked snort. “Don’t let James hear you say that.” 

“Whatever would I ever speak to Potter for?” Regulus said and Lily let out a sharp laugh. She wasn’t quite sold on Regulus’s defence of seekers, but anyone who held contempt for James Potter gained points in her book. 

Against the odds, Marlene beat out Bell for the beater spot, much to Bell’s astonishment and disappointment. James snagged the open chaser spot, with Peter and Sirius making the reserve team, which was still rather lucky for a couple of second years. 

…

Professor Sprout had a tendency to prattle on long past the end of class. There was just so much to say, and not enough time to say it, by the time class had ended, she barely had enough time to get in the instructions for the homework or remind students to clean their stations. 

So by the time she let Lily’s class go free, Severus would have had more than enough time to race through the castle from his Astronomy class and situate himself against the greenhouse wall. 

“All right Lily?” Mary asked as Lily rooted in place outside the greenhouse door. 

“Yeah, go on without me, I’ll catch up.” 

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Mary eyed Severus sceptically, Lily nodded with a closed-mouth smile and made her way to Severus. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

“Can we talk?” Severus’ eyes were trained somewhere just off to the side of her head, never meeting her eyes. 

“Yeah, okay.”  

Rumour told there were sirens in the Black Lake that liked to swim up and swipe at your ankles, drown you if you got too close. Lily wasn’t inclined to believe such rumours, especially given the way the elder students liked to make up tall tales of werewolves in the forest or giant snakes in the pipes. But still, she preferred to keep to the well-worn footpath that circled the lake, a safe few metres from the edge of the water, too far for any nefarious merfolk to reach. 

“How long do you intend to stay angry with me?” Severus asked, like it was an accusation, like it was Lily being the stubborn one. 

Lily bit back quickly. “I’m not angry with you.” 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

“I have not.” She had. “Well, it’s not like you haven’t either.” 

Severus sighed. “I was hoping you’d come to your senses and apologise.” 

“Apologise? Why would I apologise? You’re the one who- who-“ Lily reached for the right word but it wouldn’t come. She hated the way her thoughts got all jumbled when she was angry, it only made her angrier.

Severus snapped. “Who what?” 

“You know she won't even talk to me?” Lily kicked at a pebble and watched it skid as it skipped across the path.

“I don’t see how Petunia’s immature behaviour is my responsibility.” 

“It’s not- but- you really hurt her feelings.” 

“Oh, how horrible of me. Merlin knows Petunia and her feelings are the most important thing in the world. I suppose the astronomy books were wrong, the Earth doesn’t orbit the sun, it orbits Petunia Fucking Evans.”

“That’s not- I-“

“And what about my feelings? I suppose those don’t matter. She can say whatever she wants but as soon as I damage her delicate feelings.” 

“That’s not-“

“Merlin, you always take her side!” Severus flung his hands out, they weren’t even walking anymore, stagnant in the middle of the path. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t go around spewing all that hateful rubbish at her.” 

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, it’s not my fault that she’s so sensitive.” 

“You told her you hate muggles!” 

“Well-“

If Lily were younger and less restrained she would have stomped her foot, she did it anyway. “I can’t believe you.” 

“Oh come on Lily, you’ve seen how they are. They’re closed-minded and ignorant, they’d kill us without a second thought if they knew what we were.” Memories of children teasing and taunting Severus on the playground sped to the front of her mind. The muggle world had never been all that kind to Severus. 

“They’re not all like that, my family isn’t like that.” 

“Because they’re your family. Do you really think that if you weren’t a witch they would be any different than the rest of them?”

“Yes!” 

Severus snorted. “Well, then you’re more naive than I thought.” 

“I am not!” 

“You are. People always fear what they don’t understand, just because there are a few good muggles out there doesn’t change that.”

“I know that I-“

“And why would I want to be part of a world that hates me? That doesn’t understand our ways of life, our culture. That may have been good enough for my mother, but I have no intention of settling for such a miserable life.” 

“I know- I’m not saying you should. I just don’t know why you have to take it out on Pet.” 

“I just want her to mind her own business. She thinks she can be a part of this, but she can’t, magic isn’t for her.” 

“I know, but she’s my sister, she just wants to be part of my life, and I- I want her to be.”

“I know.” 

“So you could stand to be nicer to her, you know.” 

“I’m not sure, sounds like an insurmountable feat.” Severus snipped and Lily knocked him with her shoulder, betrayed by her own smile. “Fine, I suppose I can try.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Can we be finished fighting now?” 

“Please.” 

They walked the rest of the way around the lake. The sun hung low over the edge of the forest, they would be late for dinner. But Lily felt such a sense of relief to have her best friend back she didn’t quite mind. They traded stories of the last few weeks, gossiping about the new first years, complaining about James Potter and his gaggle of chaos-inducing fiends, and making fun of Evan Rosier and his lot of sycophants’ obsession with winning over the favour of the youngest Black brother.

“… Are you really going to stay Lupin’s potions partner this year?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“But-“ Lily affixed him with a stern warning glare. “Sorry, but really Lily, Lupin? I can brew circles around him.” 

“You can brew circles around everyone, the only person who comes even close to us is Potter, and there’s no way I was going to partner with him.” 

“Eugh… perish the thought.” 

“The way I see it, we’re already loads better than anyone in the class, it wouldn’t be fair for us to partner up. And this way it’s a true challenge.” Severus rolled his eyes at her, but didn’t press the subject. It would be good for both of them, she was certain.

Chapter Text

Andy Robinson had Lottie pinned up against a locker, his meaty hands digging into the soft curve of her waist. He was taller than her, Lottie had to crane up to meet him, exposing the soft white curve of her neck. Their mouths connected in an obscene, sickening slide. 

Petunia made a false coughing sound and the two split apart, slowly, like they didn’t mind knowing they were being observed. Lottie’s face turned a fever pink, dimples appearing in her cheeks as she said, “Sorry, Pet,” with an unrestrained grin, because Petunia was waiting for her. But really, Lottie wasn’t sorry at all. 

“I’ll see you girls around?” Andy asked and Lottie nodded up at him from beneath thick lashes before releasing her grip around his neck and freeing him to the world. 

“Are you ready to go?” Petunia’s voice came out wrong, all harsh edges and unrestrained irritation. Lottie was sure to notice, and sure to misunderstand Petunia’s annoyance as bitterness over losing Andy Robinson to her. 

It wasn’t Lottie’s fault this time. Petunia never called. 

Andy had called, but Petunia didn't answer and never got around to calling back. Andy was nice, fine, really. And Petunia had a fine time on their date, or as fine a time as she suspected any date could be. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t returned his call. Lottie had egged her on for weeks and weeks:  when are you going to see Andy again? Have you called Andy yet?  Petunia never did.

And sure enough, by mid-September, Andy and Lottie were sharing sodas after class and Lottie took up an interest in water polo and Petunia entertained the shallow apology she gave. Lottie took great pleasure in looking at Petunia with her big brown eyes full of pity and telling Petunia not to fret: she’d find another boy. For Lottie’s sake, Petunia pretended to appreciate the sentiment. 

But all things considered, Petunia was having a splendid autumn. She’d decided to forget magic. It was well past time she realised she didn’t need it, and if the magicians who acted as its keeper were to insist it stayed locked away in their selfish hands, she didn’t need them either. 

Instead, Petunia was determined to enthral herself with the joys of life. She was fifteen now, and that meant something, she wasn’t a child anymore. Her parents spoke of her future and it sounded like a real, tangible thing. Her teachers expected her not just to learn, but to think, and teach back. Her friends began to take the attention of boys seriously, their impassioned peacocking no longer innocent and laughable but instead signs of budding courtships. 

Erdy had sequestered himself underground for the winter and without his crotchety presence, Petunia could almost pretend magic wasn’t real at all. 

At least until Halloween.

“Well? Do you like it?” Lottie had thrown open her front door and was standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips and a toothy smile like she was ever so proud of herself. 

“I’m a witch!” Lottie chirped, which, yes, Petunia could see that. Lottie was dressed head to toe in black. A wide-brimmed, pointed hat of black velvet sat upon her head and a lacy black dress cascaded over sheer black stockings.

Petunia frowned. “You're sure it’s a dress-up party?” 

“Yes, I’m sure.” Lottie scoffed as she bobbled her head incredulously at Petunia. Petunia had dug a pair of tulle fairy wings out from the back of her closet, the ones she had worn in a school play two years prior and strapped them to her back like a book bag. They made Petunia feel ridiculous and bigger than she already was, two things she strongly disliked but had the added benefit of easy removal, so if they arrived at Priscilla Weatherby’s house to find out it was not, in fact, a dress-up party, Petunia could rip them off and chuck them in the bushes. 

Luckily, or not, depending on the perspective, it was a dress up party. Someone who was not Priscilla opened the door when they arrived. The house was a sardine tin, packed full of every person from Petunia’s school. Music must have been playing but it was drowned out by the clamorous sound of dozens of voices all shouting over one another. Priscilla’s parents were  Away , on business or some other irrelevant endeavour, which had made her house the prime location for such a debauched event. 

Not fifteen minutes after their arrival Andy Robinson, clad in a constable’s uniform Pet suspected he’d nicked off his elder brother, pulled Lottie onto the living-room-turned-dance-floor. Having no intention of playing into Lottie’s misguided fantasies about Petunia’s heartbrokeness over Andy Robinson by sticking around to watch longingly as Lottie laughed and Andy spun her round in circles, Petunia promptly fucked off to the kitchen. 

Garish fluorescent lights flooded the kitchen, a bright contrast to the rest of the house. Smoke filled the air as a group of boys from Petuna’s year congregated around the kitchen counter, laughing at their own jokes. 

“Evans!” One boy called jovially, he was dressed like a discount James Bond in a black polyester tux that was two sizes too big, and sitting on the brim of the kitchen counter, legs swinging loosely. He must have been intoxicated enough to be so pleased at Petunia's presence, which was not the typical reaction she garnered from her classmates. 

“How good of you to join us! May we offer you a glass of England’s finest ale?” Another boy, with two red devil horns on his head, asked while another boy wrapped in tissue paper procured a paper cup filled with a suspicious bubbly brown liquid.

Despite its unsightly appearance, Petunia took the drink and leaned back against the edge of the counter. The beer tasted like raw brussels sprouts and mouthwash, Petunia winced as it fizzed in her mouth. 

“Christ, that’s disgusting.” 

“Blasphemy!” Devil Horns said. “How dareth you insult our most honoured beverage.” 

“Shut up Jared.” Bond slapped Devil Horns on the shoulder and the boys all laughed. 

A loud shriek announced Priscilla’s presence as she came stumbling into the kitchen, adorning a bright pink dress and a cheap, plastic crown tangled in her mousy hair. 

“Pet! You made it!” Priscilla cried, also drunk and flung her arms around Petunia who had to grip her beer to keep any of the foul liquid from sloshing over. “What are you doing in here with this riff raff?” Priscilla flicked Devil Horns on the arm. Petunia shrugged and tried to think of a normal answer that wasn’t  I couldn’t stand the sight Andy Fucking Robinson sticking his tongue down Lottie’s throat. 

Thankfully, Priscilla’s question was not the kind she expected an answer to, and she quickly busied herself arguing with Devil Horns over the nature of her insult. Bond leaned over and whispered in Petunia’s ear “Five pounds they’re snogging by the end of the night.” 

Petunia snorted into her cup. 

“Should we stop them?” Devil Horns had gotten a hold of Priscilla’s tiara and was holding it above his head while Priscilla jumped for it, gripping his arm and laughing wildly. 

“Nah, Jarred has fancied Cilla since Year 4.” Bond chuckled. All anyone cared about these days was snogging and romance. Petunia couldn’t fathom it. She’d never taken an interest in boys the way her other friends did. At best, she regarded them with a casual curiosity, mostly she didn’t regard them at all. She supposed she’d always been a bit peculiar though. Her mother often accused her of having her head in the clouds, caring more about the ongoings of story characters than real life. Petunia didn’t think that was true, it was only, the characters in stories were always doing things that were much more interesting than Petunia. If Gandalf showed up on her doorstep offering her a chance at adventure she’d gladly never pick up another book again. Petunia supposed that was why she’d always been more interested in books than Lily. 

The beer tasted worse and worse with each additional sip, and eventually Petunia grimaced and just downed the whole thing to get it over with. 

“Another one?” Bond asked, and Petunia shook her head vigorously. 

“That was disgusting.” 

Bond chuckled and slid down off the counter, evidentially finding it a good idea to ask Petunia to dance. Petunia said yes and let Bond drag her back into the living-room-turned-dance-floor because she felt that was what normal girls were to do. And perhaps because she wanted Lottie to see her dancing with someone else like she didn’t care that Lottie was dancing with Andy Fucking Robinson. Petunia didn’t, of course. She didn’t care who Andy was dancing with, even if it was Lottie. And perhaps Petunia wanted Lottie to see that Petunia didn’t need her pity or her sympathy or her help, she was perfectly capable of finding a dance partner on her own. 

But when Bond pulled Petunia to the dance floor, Lottie wasn’t there. A fast-paced disco song was trumpeting out of the speaker, which was much louder there in the living room, and keeping pace with the music took Petunia’s attention away from scanning the party for Lottie. She spun around and tried to focus her thoughts only on the sound of the beat, the tap of her feet and Bond’s sweaty hand on hers. He was a handsome boy, she supposed, he had shiny black curls and a sharp angular face. Girls liked that sort of thing in a boy, didn't they?

So she would dance and enjoy the music like all the other normal girls. That was all she was anyways, wasn’t it? A normal girl. She took all thoughts of Lily and her stupid witch school and Lottie and her stupid witch outfit and stuffed them in a box stuffed in the back of her conscious, where she could forget them.  

The song changed to some Tony Orlando song and Bond’s head flopped back in a groan. “I’m gonna go get some air.”

Petunia rather liked the song, but she had no interest in dancing on her own, so she followed him back through the kitchen, where Priscilla and Jarred were indeed snogging, and out the back door. 

Bond shuffled down the steps and sat down on the bottom, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his too-big suit jacket. 

“I hate dancing.” He lit the cigarette and inhaled like a drowning man. 

“Oh god, me too.” The wire from Petunia’s wings cut into her back when she leaned against the flimsy metal railing. 

“Why’d you agree then?” Bond's eyes flicked up curiously from below her.

Petunia shrugged. “Why’d you ask me?” 

Bond shrugged. “I dunno. Seemed like the thing to do.” 

“Well, there’s your answer.” Bond’s head rolled to the side and he observed her curiously. 

“Ever had a fag before?” He held out his cigarette to her. Petunia hadn’t. Her mother and father both had them on occasion, but never in the house, Holly hated the stench. 

She took it wordlessly and inspected the small tube before bringing it to her lips and inhaling sharply. A harsh sting enveloped her lungs and she coughed immediately. Petunia squeezed her eyes tight and tried to fight the unyielding coughs, why on earth would anyone do that for fun? 

“Yeah, the first time’s like that.” Bond laughed and accepted the rejected cigarette back from Petunia’s outstretched hand. 

“That’s twice you’ve tried to poison me tonight.” 

“Not true! Jared gave you the beer.” Bond insisted and Petunia’s cough sputtered into laughing. “Speaking of which, you owe me five pounds.” 

“I did not agree to that.” Petunia was not a betting woman, and even if she were, she knew better than to take bets she was destined to lose.

“I seem to remember something to the contrary.” 

“That’s because your memory’s shit, Martin.” 

Bond snorted. “Anyone ever tell you you’re not very nice?” 

“Loads of times. How else am I to keep people away from me?” 

Bond leaned back on his elbows. “Bubble suit?” 

Petunia choked on nothing, “Sorry?” 

“You know? Like spacesuits or those things for sick people?” 

Petunia let out a barking laugh, “You’re absolutely mad, you know that?” 

“You’re just jealous you don’t have my sense of ingenuity.” 

“That what you call it?” 

Bond shook his head, “You laugh now, but one day I’ll sell my crazy ideas and ditch this whistlestop town.” 

“Take me with you when you do.”

“I would," Bond sighed, "but I can’t have you dragging me down. How am I supposed to catch the eye of a wealthy Baron with you on my heels?” 

“I’ll talk you up, make sure they know you’re in high demand.” 

Bond clicked his tongue, “Drum up a bidding war, good thinking Evans.” 

“Or better yet, we swindle the Baron, and split the winnings.” Petunia contended. 

Bond sighed again, “Well, there go my dreams of being a good housewife.” 

“I think we’d make an excellent team, with my smarts and your… what is it you bring to the table?” 

“Dashing good looks? Effervescent charm? Daring constitution?” Petunia snorted. 

“It’ll have to do.” Bond snickered and pulled out a new cigarette. 

“Can I try another?”  

…

On Monday, Lottie dumped Andy Robinson. She marched over to Petunia’s locker and said with a deep sigh that their story had come to an inevitable magnanimous end. Lottie, to her credit, didn’t seem to be all that upset about it in the slightest. They had simply run their course, she and Andy. And whilst Petunia had a strong suspicion that there was more to the story than that, she had no intention of pressing further, or god forbid, asking Andy about it herself, whatever had happened between the two of them had traumatised Andy so thoroughly that he went on avoiding the two girls like the plague, and Petunia was perfectly fine with that. She’d never liked Andy anyway, with his stupidly coiffed hair and large fingers that he could never seem to keep off of Lottie’s waist, always yanking her around with his too-big hands, didn’t he know that waists were meant to be caressed, not clawed at. 

“I just think it’s time I take dating more seriously. I can’t be running around with these inauspicious boys. I need someone who's serious about me and my future. A real man.” Lottie said that like she was a real woman, and not a girl merely playing a game of grown-up make-believe.

“Not a lot of options for real men in a place like this.” Petunia said, because it was true. 

“I know.” Lottie bemoaned as they fell into their seats in the History classroom. “I think I just need to expand my horizons, you know? ‘Melia said I can go dancing with her.” Lottie’s elder sister Amelia, who graduated the year prior, had the same magnetic charm and dangerous ambition as Lottie. Petunia was certain that going dancing in an adult club was exactly the kind of thing Lottie would love, and also exactly the kind of thing she shouldn’t do. 

“Hey, Charlotte.” One of their classmates called, because Lottie had insisted the year before that now that they were ‘true adults’ she shouldn’t be going by a name as juvenile as ‘Lottie’ anymore. “Is it true that you gave Andy Robinson a blowy in the bathroom at Pris’s party last weekend?” Lottie whirred around in her seat so quickly that her black ponytail followed like a whip. 

“Who told you that?” It was no wonder why Lottie had no interest in boys their age, they were vile. A gaggle of uniformly unremarkable boys were snickering in the row over. Petunia glared up at their ring leader, David Thompson, who seemed far too pleased with himself for Petunia’s liking. 

Petunia spat back in as innocent a tone she could muster, “You know, I heard you and Sally Hanson nearly shagged at the party but when she saw the… lacking size of your equipment she burst to tears.” David’s mouth fell open like a broken latch and the boys around him gasped and fell to laughter. 

“That’s not- I-” 

“Perhaps you should handle the mess of your own private life before sticking your nose into other people’s business.” Petunia added. David turned bright red but before he had a chance to regain his wits about him the bell rang and Mr Norton began the lesson. 

Lottie leaned forward in her seat. “Is that true?” She whispered, her breath tickling the hairs on Petunia’s neck. 

Petunia shrugged. It was as true as any other rumour. Someone  had  seen Sally Hanson crying at the party. And someone else  had seen David’s less than boast worthy nether region. And both of those people had told Martin Wallis, who then said to Petunia: “I bet she saw the size of David’s pecker.” Perhaps because he actually did think so, but more likely because he agreed with Petunia that David was a foulmouthed, viperous, cad. 

“According to Marty.” Petunia said quietly, trying to avoid the attention of Mr Norton. A moment later, Lottie’s hands brushed Petunia’s elbow, and she was slipping a folded sheet of paper into Petunia’s hands. 

What’s with you and Marty?  The paper read, with a handful of tiny hearts written next to Marty’s name. 

There was absolutely nothing with Petunia and Martin Wallis. Though Petunia had to admit, she liked him a fair measure more than the other boys in their year, but that was more due to the absolute reprehensible quality of other boys than it did Martin. On the night of Halloween, she and Martin had stayed in the backyard until well after the party had died down, hiding and smoking, which Petunia did eventually decide wasn’t so bad around her third cigarette. Martin told Petunia the only reason he’d come to the party was because Jarred Turner convinced him, and Petunia told him that she’d only come because Lottie had convinced her. And the two of them commiserated being forced to go to a party only to be ditched by their instigators in favour of snogging. 

Nothing.  Petunia passed the note back to Lottie. Lottie scoffed, crumpling the paper and tossing it at the back of Petunia’s head. 

As Lottie and Petunia were leaving the schoolhouse after the final bell, Martin Wallis came jogging after them. “Evans!” 

“Hi, Marty.” Petunia said. 

“ Hi, Marty.”  Lot cooed, giving Petunia a sidelong stare. 

“You take French, right? With Mrs Blanchard?” 

“Yes.”

“Brilliant. Well I was thinking we could study together, I’m absolutely shite at French and I am in dire need of your help.” 

“What makes you think I’m any better at French?” 

“Because of your smarts of course.” Marty grinned and tapped her on the side of the head. “Please, I’m desperate and you’re my only chance at salvation.”

Petunia rolled her eyes. “Well, you don’t have to sound so pathetic about it. Yeah, alright fine. I have debate practice tonight but I’m free tomorrow.” 

“Brill! You’re a lifesaver Evans!” Marty jetted away without another word. Lottie folded her arms over her chest and smirked at Petunia. 

“Nothing huh?” 

…

Martin Wallis was sprawled out on Petunia’s blue shag rug, arms folded across an English-to-French dictionary. Petunia had never had a boy in her room before, well, other than Severus, but he hardly counted. They could have studied in the kitchen, but Holly was down there on the phone with Lily, and Petunia knew if they lingered her mother would surely ask if she wanted to speak to her, which Petunia didn’t. So up in the safety of Petunia’s room, it was. 

“excusez-moi, à quelle heure est le train?” Marty said in slow and strangled syllables. 

“le train pour où?”

“Er-um le train pour France?” 

“The train to France? Really?” Petunia snorted.

Martin waved his hand around. “I don’t know! You broke the script!” 

“The whole point is to be able to respond on the quick. A real conversation won’t come with a list of questions.” 

“I don’t need to have a real conversation, I just need to pass.” His head flopped down on the carpet.

“Alright fine, let’s start over.” 

Petunia squinted at the list of common phrases she’d written down for revision. In truth, Petunia wasn’t all that good at French herself. She was able to skate by on memorization and well-written essays, but her pronunciation sounded like a mangled robot that would insult even the most forgiving of native French speakers. 

“Bonjour, voulez-vous une tasse de thé?” Marty started.

“Oui, je voudrais une tasse de thé.”

“Voulez-vous votre thé sur un ou deux sucres?”

 “It’s avec, Voulez-vous votre thé avec un ou deluxe sucres?” 

Marty’s eyebrows furrowed. “Oh- you sure?” 

“Not really. You should have asked Charlotte to help you study, her French is impeccable.” 

“Charlotte isn’t taking French.” 

“No, but her mum’s from Marseille. She speaks it fluently.” 

“Huh.” Marty hummed at the new information. “Oh well, truthfully I don’t really care about French.” 

“Oh.” Petunia curled her leg up to her stomach, wondering if she’d invited Martin here under false pretenses. Perhaps Lottie was right, perhaps Marty was exactly like all the other boys. 

Marty however seemed unfazed by the statement, he was hardly paying any attention to Petunia at all, fully enveloped in the task of plucking out strings from Petunia’s carpet. “Besides, she ditched you at the party, which was kind of shit, so I’d rather not elect to spend my free time in her company. No offense.” 

“Oh erm- none taken.” She didn't take Marty for the type to hold such strong grudges. Then again, she hardly knew him.

“She and Andy make a funny couple don’t you think?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well- Andy is, well he’s a bit of an twp innit he.” The statement was so blunt that Petunia sputtered out an open mouth laugh. 

“Though I suppose it makes sense.” Marty ignored her laughter. “Andy is tall and has nice teeth and those athlete arms and Charlotte is alright too I guess. Attractive people tend to flock together don’t they?” 

“They broke up, you know.” Petunia supplied.

“Ah- well not surprising either, beauty will only last you so long. Good to know she’s single though.” 

Petunia’s eyebrow shot up. “I thought you didn’t like her.” 

“I  don’t.  I just meant, good to know. Useful information to have right?” Martin shrugged and went back to focusing on the carpet.

Petunia wasn’t quite sure what to make of him. He’d always been friendly, but Petunia wouldn’t have considered him a friend, she extended the title to very few. Perhaps he was interested in her, which would be a shame. Or perhaps he was interested in Lottie and wanted to use Petunia to gather more information on her. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had tried. And Petunia knew first-hand that sometimes like and dislike didn’t sit as far apart as people thought. 

“You’re quite odd, you know.” Petunia mused.

“What? Me? Odd? Wherever’d you get that idea.” Marty feigned shock and Petunia threw an eraser at his head. 

“Not like it matters, I’m sure she’ll have some other sod wrapped around her finger in no time.” 

“Right, surely.” Marty said, beginning to untwist a fibre he’d ripped from the rug and shred it to pieces. “I am sorry though. Must be hard to watch.” 

Petunia snorted. “What do you take me for? I’m not so pathetic as to be jealous of my best friend just because she gets more dates than me. I’ll have you know I get plenty of offers.” 

“No, I kno- that’s not what I meant.” The humour fell from Marty’s voice.  

Petunia kept on, “And you know, there’s more to life than dating. Just because Lot finds it fun to shove her tongue down the throat of any boy who so much as looks at her doesn’t mean we all do. Some of us have standards.” Not that Petunia cared if Lottie wanted to do that. She didn’t care one bit what Lottie did. If Lottie was intent on exploring her ‘womanhood’ with every boy in town that was none of Petunia’s business. If she wanted to bat her eyelashes and primp her lips with strawberry flavoured gloss to gain the affections of boys who didn’t know their head from their arse so be it. 

“I  know . That’s not what I meant.” 

“What did you mean then, exactly?” Petunia was perfectly capable of dating if she so chose, hell, she had dated Andy first. Petunia didn't understand what Lottie saw in him. Sure, he was tall, but Petunia was tall, taller even. So his teeth were nice, but Petunia had a nice smile too. And she was smarter than him, and funnier than him, anyone would be lucky to date her.

“It’s just, I see the way you look at her.” Marty’s voice was very quiet, he was looking very intently at nothing at all, eyes trained on some nebulous spot on the carpet. Petunia's heart stuttered to a stop. 

“I-don’t know what you’re talking about.” Petunia said quickly, before the words could even register. 

“It’s alright, I wouldn’t tell anyone, I know-“ 

“You don’t know anything!” Petunia felt hot suddenly, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt like she was spinning, was the room spinning? She gripped the edge of the desk chair, desperate for purchase. Lottie was her friend. Lottie was a  girl.  Who did Martin think he was, implying that her feelings toward Lottie were… warped? 

“Right- I’m sorry, I just thought-“

“I think you should leave.” Petunia cut him off, unable to bear hearing the end of the sentence, to hear whatever it was that Martin thought he saw in Petunia. Did others see it? Did Lottie? They couldn’t. She couldn't. Noone could, because there was nothing to see. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything, really.” 

“Just go. Please.” Petunia said through gritted teeth and Martin went.

…

When Petunia was in primary school, the students were all made to line up alphabetically before the start of class. Evans came right after Duval, so every morning Petunia would stand in line behind Lottie, staring enviously at her five-strand plait. Petunia often wondered how much of her own life was the subject of random coincidence. If her and Lottie’s friendship was nothing more than proximity and chance? Evans and Duval, two names next to each other on a seating chart. If their class had had an Ellis or an Edwards, would Petunia be best friends with some other girl?

Maybe that was all that held them together: two names adjacent on a roster. After all, Lottie was loud and boisterous and so very un-like Petunia. She liked frilly pink dresses and expensive handbags. Her heart was mischievous and rambunctious and most days Petunia could hardly keep up.  

But Lottie had taught Petunia how to do that five-strand plait. Lottie was a whirlwind, a vortex that pulled anything that dared to stand near her into orbit. Half the time Petunia thought she hated her. When her laugh came out sharp and shrieking, when she’d blather on and on about the other girls in their class. She could be callous and careless and a little cruel. 

But so could Petunia. 

Petunia was a little addicted to it: listening to Lottie drum up baseless rumours and heartless insults. She liked knowing that she was the one Lottie was exposing all her bitterness and ugly underbelly to. She knew Lottie said the same wretched things about Petunia when she wasn’t around, and she liked that too. Liked knowing that she was talked about when she wasn’t there. She drove herself a little bit mad with curiosity, wanting to know what kind of things Lottie said about her when she wasn’t around. It hurt to think about and she liked that too. Petunia wanted to occupy Lottie’s attention always, all the time, even when she wasn’t there, even if it was only because Lottie secretly hated Petunia as much as Petunia secretly hated her. 

The thing was, Petunia wasn’t an idiot. She knew her feelings for Lottie weren’t…normal. When they were twelve, Lottie had gone on a tangent on how excited she couldn’t wait for them to be older and get boyfriends. Lottie couldn’t wait to have someone to take her to the cinema, and buy her flowers, and go skating with (which was pretty much the extent of what a twelve year old thought relationships were, and Petunia, being twelve as well, had no inclination to disagree). And Petunia had scoffed ‘What do you need a boyfriend for, we can do all those things together.’ Lottie had given her a strange look and Petunia knew that what she said had been wrong somehow. 

She knew that there was something wrong with the way she didn’t like any of the boys in their class. She knew there was something wrong with the way her eyes got stuck on the curve of Lottie’s neck whenever she pulled her hair up into a tie, or the tilt of Lottie's mouth when she laughed, bright and intoxicating. She knew there was something wrong with the way her stomach clenched with anger whenever Lottie brought up whatever boy had piqued her interest that week. Petunia knew it wasn’t  normal.

But there was nothing to be done about that sort of thing. Petunia was still young. And young people were full of foolish, fleeting feelings. There were more important things to worry about, like her studies and her future, and the ever-troubling existence of magic. Petunia had been slated into a life of secrecy since the day her sister started doing impossible things, and secrets were a lot easier to keep when you didn’t think about them. 

So Martin terrified her. They were hardly friends, and yet he’d been able to cut through to the truth of her so quickly. A truth that she had been very happily ignoring, mind you. And if Martin could see her for what she really was, what did that say about her? It said that her poker face wasn’t nearly as good as she thought it was, that her insides were pouring out of her for everyone to see. 

He did try to apologise, but that didn’t make her feel any better. It might have, had he been wrong. Petunia wasn’t even mad at him, really. Or maybe she was, for bringing it up, for not having enough tact to keep his observations to himself. Maybe she should be thanking him: for letting her know how transparent she was. 

She didn’t feel like thanking him. 

Martin passed her in the halls and slowed like he wanted to say something more, but Petunia looked away quickly, avoiding his eyes. 

Lottie frowned. “What happened with you two?” Petunia hated her. Petunia should find new friends, uglier friends, maybe. 

“Nothing.” 

“I thought you liked him?” Of course, Lottie did. Lottie was obsessed with pairing Petunia up with someone. Maybe because she could sense Petunia’s unwelcome feelings just as Marty had. The thought was like curdled milk crawling up Petunia's throat. 

“I like him just fine.” 

“But I thought you  fancied  him.” 

“I don’t know why you’d think that.” 

“You talk about him all the time.” Petunia talked about Marty a reasonable amount, Lottie just wasn’t used to Petunia having other friends. 

“I do not.” 

“You do.” 

“Will you just shut up about it?” Petunia snapped.

“Christ, who pissed in your porridge this morning?” Lottie huffed and rushed off to class. Good, Petunia didn’t want her around anyway. 

…

It ate at her. 

Petunia couldn’t stand it: not knowing what had given her away. What about her had Marty picked up on. It kept her feeling vaguely ill, like she was a balloon someone had poked a hole in her and she was leaking all her insides out, but couldn’t find the source of the leak. And as much as she wanted to never look at Martin again for the sharp clench of shame it brought her, she had to know.

“Excuse me a mo-Marty!” Petunia rushed after him. “Marty!”

Martin skidded to a stop right as Petunia caught onto his elbow. “Oh, hi Petunia.” 

“How’s your French?” Petunia heaved a bit, she should really work on her physical fitness. Martin regarded her curiously.

“Still shite.” 

“I thought maybe we could study together again. Are you free tonight?” 

“I-you’re sure?” 

“I’m asking aren’t I?” 

“Yes, I would like that.” 

“Great! Good, yeah alright. I’ll see you later then.” Petunia left before she could take it back.

…

There was a playground two blocks away from the school, where the students from the primary school went on their lunch breaks, but in the late afternoons, it became a popular stomping ground for the older students who were not quite ready to journey home.

Petunia found her way to an abandoned swing, discarding her book bag on the woodchip ground. Martin leaned against the frame of the swing set. “Did you actually want to practise French?” 

“Oui, j'aime le français” Petunia said straight faced.

“Non tu ne.” Martin returned in his stunted accent.

“Bien sûr que je le fais, c'est ma passion la plus profonde”

Martin blinked at her. “Er-what?” 

“I couldn't care less about practising my French. And as you can see, it’s impeccable anyway.” 

“You sounded like a drunk toddler.” 

“But a drunk toddler with an impeccable vocabulary.” Petunia countered.

“Say ‘impeccable’ in French.” 

“Impeccable in French.” Petunia quipped.

“Think you’re funny do you?” 

“I know I’m funny, thank you ever so much for noticing.” Marty swung one leg over the other swing and leaned against the chain. 

“I’m really sorry about the other day. I never should have said something so presumptuous, it was terribly insensitive of me and I’m sorry.” 

“So you said.” 

“I mean it. It was rude and insulting and-“ 

“You weren’t wrong.” Petunia said quickly and quietly. There was a scuff mark on her shoe, she rubbed it with the heel of her other shoe, but it only made the mark worse. The silence roared between them. The whistle of the wind, the distant chatter of birds and street cars built until Petunia couldn’t take the sound of her own breathing anymore. 

“What was it? About me. How did-“ Her breath ran out and she squeezed her eyes shut as hard as she could. She didn’t want to see anything, if she imagined the world was talking to air maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. “How did you figure it out?” 

“Do you remember Mrs Chaplain, in year five?” 

“Yes, why was she like-“ 

Martin snorted. “No! Or well, I ‘spose she could be. Anyway, all of my friends were obsessed with her. She had that shiny brown hair and rather big- well, all the other boys fancied her.” Petunia recalled, Mrs Chaplain was a young teacher, though she didn’t seem it to Petunia at the time, who thought all adults were quite grown up, but she couldn’t have been more than twenty-five. She wore fitted blouses and bright red lipstick, and the boys would all line up to present her apples and other favours. 

“I couldn’t understand it, she wasn’t even that good of a teacher you know?” Petunia thought she’d been a wonderful teacher. 

Martin started spinning the swing, twisting the chain ropes around themselves. “But even the other teachers fancied her. Mr Lynch would always come around the classroom to talk to her. He’d always come in with his sleeves rolled up and sit on the edge of Mrs Chaplain’s desk, and compliment her classroom. But then Mrs Chaplain got axed, like I said, shit teacher. And all my friends were so disappointed that they wouldn’t see her anymore.” Martin lifted his feet from the ground and the swing went spinning backwards like a snapped rubber band.“But I was disappointed because Mr Lynch stopped coming ‘round.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Petunia.” Martin said softly. “I recognized who you are, because I saw you were like me.” 

Oh. 

Petunia knew there were others, like her. But in her mind, they existed in downtown cities and on the cover of rock magazines, not in the same garish red school uniform that she wore. And Petunia didn’t want to be like those people, on the covers of magazines, with their wildly spiked hair and neon clothes. She didn’t want the sidelong glances and sneers from the ladies at church or the looks of mistrust and distrust from her friends. She just wanted to be Petunia. And if that meant never loving anyone at all, it was a well-worthy price.

“You can’t tell anybody. If you do I’ll deny it, I’ll-“ 

“Decapitate me with a pencil? Pour stinging nettles down my pants? Chop me to bits and cook me in a stew?” Marty supplied.

“What- Christ! You’re disgusting!” 

“Just making sure you have sufficient fuel for your threats.” Martin shrugged. “I won’t tell anyone. I promise.” 

“Good.” 

“Good.” 

“Should we work on that French now?” 

“I’d rather be decapitated by pencil.” 

Chapter Text

Lily had been right, of course.

She and Severus didn’t need to work together to succeed at potions. Even with Remus’ frequent absences, Lily managed not only to receive full marks on all of her brews, but the Draught of Peace she brewed for her final exam had been so impressive it had earned Lily an invitation to Professor Slughorn’s Famous Christmas Party.

Slughorn’s Christmas Party had, of course, reached such acclaim and fame from Professor Slughorn himself, who was keen on mentioning the aforementioned event once or twice a day for the entirety of autumn term, cementing its importance in the impressionable minds of the youth with which he was entrusted. 

According to Frank Longbottom, who had divulged all the details of the party after attending the year before, second-years were rarely invited to Slughorn’s parties. Though Lily wasn’t so sure about that, seeing as Pandora, Sirius and James had all been invited as well as herself and Severus. Perhaps there simply hadn’t been many people in Frank’s class worth inviting. 

“I just don’t understand why Slughorn invited him.” Lily frowned at Pandora's reflection in the mirror. James, she understood, much as she disliked it. Even she could admit that he was the best at potions, behind herself and Severus, of course. It wasn’t even that she had anything against Sirius per se, but he was far from the academic star that Slughorn had described. Exceptional students, Slughorn had stated: those were who would receive an invitation. Sirius was a far cry from exceptional. 

Pandora’s brows pinched as she ran her hands through Lily’s hair, attempting to tame it into some sort of complicated plait. It was getting unmanageable, her hair, she should cut it. “Sirius is good at lots of things.” Which, yes, but that wasn’t the point. Being able to recite all the lyrics to Lady Stardust was impressive, but not a skill that should award him any prizes for academic prowess.

“It’s because he’s a Black.” Marlene said from her bunk. Marlene hadn’t even received an invitation, and she was loads smarter than Sirius, and older, and better at Quidditch. 

“Whatever should that have to do with it?” 

“Everyone knows Slughorn’s parties are just an excuse for him and his friends to try and suck up to the kids of poncy rich pricks.” 

“Funny, that’s just what Siri said.” Mary added. Mary hadn’t been invited either, despite having better marks in potions than Sirius too (honestly, Sirius was shit at potions, it was a hazard to even let him near a cauldron). Which meant what Marlene said must be true. And after all, the Blacks were the most ‘poncy rich pricks’ of all. 

Pandora finished with Lily’s hair, and took out her wand, pointing it at Lily’s head. “Wait! What are you doing?” Lily flinched.

“Calm down, it’s just a glittering charm, I made it myself.” That didn’t make Lily feel much better, but she held still, shoulders stone stiff, as Pandora shot the spell at her, and fluttering lights appeared in Lily’s hair like miniature stars. Or fire. 

“What if my hair catches fire?” 

Pandora giggled. “They’re not hot, I promise. Your hair will be safe as a Fwooper in a forest.” She then pointed her wand at herself and added the same charm. “See, works perfectly. I wouldn’t use a spell I didn’t trust to also use on myself.” The glittering lights looked like freshly fallen snow on a sunny day in Pandora’s pale hair. In fact, Pandora looked like the embodiment of snow. Her robes were a pale periwinkle covered in shimmering beadwork, the fabric itself seeming frozen around the edges, though it was soft to the touch. Her gemstone shoes were reminiscent of a pair of glass slippers: perfectly princess-like.

Lily didn’t have any dress robes, only her Gryffindor uniform and a handful of muggle trousers and jumpers she’d brought for emergencies, so Marlene had lent Lily hers. Marlene’s dress robes were a silvery velvet that must have looked nice against her cool features but clashed awkwardly against Lily’s pink freckles and amber hair. But they would have to do.

Pandora and Lily bid the others goodnight and headed to the common room where James was already waiting for them, he leapt up from the chair he’d draped himself over. 

“Pandora! you look absolutely lovely.” James gripped his hand over his heart in a dramatic gasp. “Hi, Evans.” He added, regarding Lily with a shrug, that would have bothered her had she not been so completely distracted by the baffling sight of his costume. 

“What,” Lily blinked as to reaffirm her eyesight was working properly, “are you wearing?” She gaped at James, who was clad in jeans, well no, they weren’t jeans, the trousers had a passing resemblance to jeans, but the material was all wrong, like someone had painted the impression of denim over a pair of spandex, and red, gold, and black collared shirts, except that was wrong too, made out of the same strange spandex and seemingly connected to the jeans as one singular, horrific piece of clothing. 

“Smashing right?” James held out his arms as if to flaunt the outfit. “It’s the latest muggle fashion.” 

“It is… really… not?” Lily said, feeling gobsmacked, and a bit irritated. Had she known muggle dress was allowed she wouldn’t be stuck in Marlene’s ill-fitting, grey robe. 

“Of course it is, Evans. Perhaps you just aren’t that attune to muggle trends.” James posited, which, did he not remember that Lily had muggle parents? Of course, she was attuned to muggle trends, far more than James could ever claim to be, especially in that ridiculous getup.

“I-“ Lily began to speak but found herself at a loss for words. “Where did you get that?” She settled on. 

“Siri and I made it.” James grinned. “Transfigured it out of old robes. Brilliant right? You can’t even tell they aren’t real.” Lily could tell, she could certainly tell. She was half tempted to tell James just how ridiculous he looked, and send him back to his room to change into normal dress robes, but if he wanted to make a fool of himself, who was she to stop him?

“Not one bit.” She said instead and James’ grin split even wider. “Where is Sirius?” 

James sighed, a little crease appearing between his brows. “Not coming. He said, and I quote ‘I’d rather jump in a dragon nest than spend an evening sucking up to those pompous plonkers’” Which Lily found quite funny, seeing as Sirius was the most pompous plonker she knew. 

“Translation: he’s avoiding Evan.” Pandora elaborated. Lily felt oddly guilty, she’d spent all that time complaining about Sirius going, and now he wasn’t. 

James clearly seemed a little put out by Sirius’s lack of attendance and groaned. “Whatever. At least I have you two. Let’s be off then, Pandy?” James held out his arm for Pandora who slotted her hand around the crook of his elbow gleefully. James held out his other elbow and glanced at Lily. 

“Absolutely not.” She said and shoved her hands in the pockets of her borrowed robes.

Lily had been to Slughorn’s office a handful of times, to discuss homework assignments or ask questions on a particular brew, but the space had been so thoroughly transformed, it was hardly recognizable as the same location. The room had tripled in size, and gone were the stacks of books and bubbling cauldrons. In place of Slughorn’s desk was a large dining table with seats for at least forty. The walls and ceilings had been outfitted with twinkling red and green Christmas tapestry. Twinkling lights filled the air and it took a moment for Lily to realise they were, in fact, fairies. The same fairies swarmed a grand Christmas tree so tall its sparkling star brushed the artificially raised ceiling. 

They were late. “Never be on time, it’s passé” James had said, but their tardiness meant that their arrival was noticed by all. Lily scanned the room for familiar faces. Dozens of older witches and wizards scattered around, speaking jovially with one another as their champagne flutes sloshed back and forth. Some of them had taken up conversation with the older Hogwarts students. Gideon Prewett and Frank Longbottom were in an impassioned conversation with a Wizard in a deep velvet robe and a bright orange hat that sat upon a head of wild hair. Samira Shafiq, a fifth-year Gryffindor, was nodding along to the raving tales of an elderly wizard with a scruffy beard and a pointy red hat. Lily spotted Severus near the edge of the room but before she could reach him Professor Slughorn was intercepting her, James and Pandora.

“Ah! My youngest Gryffindors have arrived!” Slughorn bellowed, standing next to a stately man in a long brown cloak. “This is Thaddius Flint, who I am sure you’ve all heard of.” Lily had not. “Thad, this is Miss Selwyn, Miss Evans, and Mr Potter, some of my brightest young students.”

“Potter? You’re Fleamont’s son?” The man asked with a pleased upturn of his long and bushy moustache that seemed to muffle all of his words. 

“Uh- yes sir,” James answered. Mr Flint squinted at James with a concentrated brow as though he was thinking very hard.

“Odd, I didn’t recall old Monty having a son. Well, no matter! How is your old man? I’d always wished I’d invested in Sleekeazy back in the day, of course, back then, no one knew how much of a genius your pop was.”

“You must tell us, has he been working on anything new?” Slughorn added. 

“Oh-erm, I wouldn’t really know seeing as I’ve been here, at school.” James answered. 

“Right, right, of course.” Mr Flint said. “Well, I’m sure he’s working up something great! Brilliant mind that Monty, so creative. As you seem to be my young boy, you must forgive me, but I’m rather intrigued by your outfit this evening.” Lily held back a snort, but the turn in topic seemed to reinvigorate James. 

“Grand isn't’ it?” James stepped back to show off the disaster in its entirety. “It’s the latest muggle fashion. I’m a huge fan of muggle pop culture.” James then slung his arm over Lily’s shoulder. “Isn’t that right Evans?” 

“Oh-erm-that’s-” Lily started but was overshadowed by Mr Flint’s loud gasp.

“Well isn’t that marvellous! You know I’ve always had a great admiration for muggle fashion, they’re always coming up with the most interesting embellishments. Tell me, is this typical muggle formal wear?” James said yes at the same time Lily said no.

Lily sighed. “Like I tried to tell you James, muggle formal wear is actually much more similar to wizard formal wear, but with trousers instead of robes, that… thing you’re wearing is more akin to something you’d wear to a roller disco.” 

“Roller disco?” Mr Flint asked. “I don’t think I’m familiar.” 

“It’s a place people go to listen to a type of music- Disco music while roller skating.” 

“Roller skating?” 

“They’re um, shoes with wheels on them.” 

Mr Flint's brow took on a deep crease. “Oh, is that like those automobile things muggles use to get around?” 

“No, er-um, it’s well you usually don’t go anywhere, you just stay in a room and skate around, it’s sort of like a type of dancing.”

“Hmm, how odd.” Professor Slughorn mused.

“The disco is actually fantastic,” James said. “Or so I’ve heard, I’ve never been, but the music is brilliant. Next year you should definitely play Disco at your party professor.” 

“Excellent idea lad,” Slughorn said, changing his tune as quickly as the wind.

“You wouldn’t- this isn’t the kind of party you’d play disco at.” Lily tried to explain.

“Well sure it is, it’s a party isn't’ it, and Disco is party music, that’s what Mary told me.” Honestly, Mary had to stop telling the boys about muggle things, they consistently used it to be as unbearable as possible.

“That’s not what she meant.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I caught your name dear.” Mr Flint interpreted.

“Oh, it’s Lily, Lily Evans?” 

“Evans? Hmm- I don’t think I know any Evanses.” He squinted at her. “Any relation to Kristov Evans?” 

“Oh-er no. I don’t think so. You probably wouldn’t have heard of my family, my parents are muggle.” Mr Flint made a wrinkled frown. 

Professor Slughorn cleared his throat. “Ms Evans is one of my most impressive students, she’s the youngest witch I’ve ever seen successfully brew a gerding potion. She has the true makings of a brewmaster. And from what I’ve told you’re quite successful in your other classes, isn’t that right my dear.” Lily preened at the complement. 

“Oh- well I suppose.”

“And modest too. Didn’t I hear that you and that Snape boy invented a draught of swapped sight this past summer?” Lily frowned, she’d never told Slughorn that.

“Um-yes.” 

Mr Flint smiled, “Well, that is quite impressive, especially for a muggle-born. You know, one of my old schoolmates was a muggle-born, it was so hard for him to keep up with the rigour of magical coursework. That must have been quite the challenge, keeping up with your studies without any magical parents to help you along.” 

“Oh, not really. And my friend Severus, um, Severus Snape, we grew up together and his mother taught us a lot about potions.” 

“Oh!” Mr Flint said, like he’d just solved the answer to a riddle. “Well, that explains it! Warms my heart, that does, hearing about folk helping out like that.” The words felt twisted. Lily wasn't a charity. Mrs Snape hadn't taught her anything out of some sort of do-goodery. Lily was just about to open her mouth and correct him when Pandora began to pull on her arm. 

“It was lovely to meet you, but my brothers are waving us over.” Pandora said and pulled James and Lily away quickly. Behind them, Slughorn began telling Mr Flint something or other about the elder Selwyn boys.

Apollo and Theus were entrenched in listening to an impassioned speech by two younger-looking adults in matching robes, one who Lily recognized as-

“Fabian!” James hollered and flung himself at the older boy, who laughed and ruffled his hair.

“Well if it isn’t little Pot Pot. Let’s have a look at you Jamie, have you gotten taller, no-no you haven’t.” 

James scoffed, “I have to! I definitely have.” James stood up as straight as he could and Fabian let out a hearty chuckle. 

In the year since she’d seen him last, Fabian had changed rather drastically, gone was his shaggy hair and dishevelled robes. She used to think he and Gideon looked so alike they could have been twins, but now, with his hair neatly cropped just above his brow and sporting a wispy moustache that curled on the ends, she could see the subtle differences. Fabian’s face was longer and his eyes less far apart, his nose bent slightly to the left, and he had two flat moles beneath his right eye.

“Whatever you say, twerp. Lily on the other hand is definitely taller. Evans, Selwyn, lovely to see you both. Tell me, how is my brother, reigning havoc without me?”

“Gid is great!” James piped up.

“So it must be a yes.” 

“Are you an Auror now?” James asked, glancing at Fabian and his friend’s matching outfits. 

“No, just in training, programme’s three years. This is Percival Weasley by the way. Civ this is Theus and Apollo’s youngest sister Pandora, the very talented Lily Evans, and the very incorrigible James Potter. Civ was just the year above me in school.”

“Incorrigible?” James scoffed. 

Lily ignored him. “So, what’s Auror training like?” 

“Boring, mostly.” 

“And gruelling. Don’t forget gruelling.” Percival added. 

“We haven’t even gotten any field time. I don’t know how they expect us to be any good if we don’t get any actual practice.” Lily thought to point out that they’d only been in the program a few months, but decided better of it. 

“Not true Fab, they’ve had us out in the field.” 

Fabian scoffed. “Doing memory repair, that hardly counts.” 

“What’s memory repair?” Lily asked. 

“Whenever an incident happens involving muggles, someone has to go in and obliviate the magic out of their memory. And that someone is the bottom of the barrel, us. It’s dead boring work.” Fab said.

“Not to mention the muggles never know what’s going on so they have no respect for us. It’s rubbish.” Percival added.

“Like with that thing last month, there were so many peeved-off muggles, I thought they were going to start throwing rocks at me.” 

“What thing?” Lily asked. 

“There was an attack in Windsor, someone blew up a- what are they called? The trains with wheels?” 

“Car?” Lily guessed, hoping she was wrong. 

Fab shook his head. “No- like a car but bigger.” 

“A bus?” 

“Yes! A bus, someone blew up a bus!” Fabian answered, far too gleefully.

Lily‘s hands shot to her mouth. “Oh! that’s horrible!” 

“It was awful. Right in the middle of the road, some psychos decided to blow up a bus. Made a whole show of it. It was a complete disaster. Dozens of muggles dead and at least a hundred witnesses. And then of course they send us in to clean up the mess.” 

“They were with  him , weren’t they? Voldemort?” James asked darkly, and Apollo elbowed James in the ribs. 

“It’s alright lad, you should say his name. Yes, we believe it was his followers, bastards got away though.” Percival said.

“I heard Antonin Dolohov’s dad joined them,” Theus whispered to his brother.

“That’s not true The-“ Apollo scowled, “you shouldn’t go around spreading rumours like that.” 

“It’s not a rumour-“ the boys bickered back and forth. 

“Why would they do that?” Lily knew that violence was on the rise, but never something so brash, surely such a drastic bout of violence would garner attention from the muggle authorities?

Fab shrugged. “Senseless maniacs, why else.” 

Percival shrugged. “Happens every few years, someone gets the bright idea that they want to reveal magic to muggles, goes and makes a big show out of it.”  

“Remember that time someone made the statue in front of Buckingham Palace fly off the basin? That was an absolute nightmare.” Fab said. 

“Merlin, that was horrible, I thought one of those funny hat people was going to blast me with their stick thingy.” Percival exclaimed.

“They’re called guns.” said James. 

“The guns at Buckingham Palace aren’t loaded.” Lily said. 

“Loaded with what?” Fab tilted his head.

“What do you think-nevermind.” What need did wizards have to know about the workings of rifles?

“Even so, was bloody frightening. You know, my brother works in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts office and says some of the things that come through his office are absolutely terrifying. Machines that shoot lightning, spinning knives that can slice your arm clean off, little eggs that explode. Reckons now is the time for wizards to be more careful than ever, with all the things muggles are inventing. You never know what a muggle might have on them.”

Fabian nodded. “That’s right, you can never be too careful.” 

“Oi! Fab! You’re not trying to frighten the children are you?” Gideon came galloping over and slung an arm around his slightly taller, slightly older brother.

“Of course not!” 

“Good, because these are my wards now. If they end up wetting the bed from nightmares because of your tall tales I’ll have to be the one to clean it up.” Gideon cackled. 

Lily finally spotted Severus amidst a cluster of green and black robes in the corner. The lot of Slytherins were laughing jovially and Severus gave her a desperate look. 

“Sorry, if you’ll excuse me.” She said and made a beeline for Severus. Evan Rosier and Adelheidis Wilkes were standing on either side of Severus and engaged in a very impassioned debate about Quidditch with Sirius' brother. When Lily pulled up across from them, the conversation skidded to a stop. 

“Well, look what the crup dragged in.” Wilkes said, smiling like a crocodile. “Cute little charm you’ve got there Evans.” she nodded at Lily’s hair. Wilkes was wearing emerald green dress robes that were etched with hundreds of pin-sized diamonds that matched her hair and skin perfectly, a far cry from Lily’s own ill-suited robes. 

“Finally. I thought you might follow Potter around like a lost puppy all night.” Severus said and Lily scowled at him. 

“Absolutely not.” 

“What on earth is he wearing anyway?” Severus snickered, glancing to where James and Pandora were still laughing boisterously with the older boys. 

“He wanted to look like a muggle disco star.” Lily shrugged.

“He looks like an absolute fool.” Severus said. It was a wash of relief, to finally have someone agree with her. If there was one thing Lily could count on Severus for it was to look down on the absurd antics of one James Potter.

“What’s disco?” Rosier asked, he was holding a flute of something he absolutely shouldn’t have in one hand, other arm slung around a rather discontented Regulus Black.

“Nothing,” Lily answered, no interest in repeating the half-baked explanation a second time. 

“He looks like an idiot, I can’t imagine what my brother sees in him.” Regulus scowled.

“Well in fairness, Sirius is also an idiot.” Lily answered. Regulus looked like he didn't know if he wanted to agree or be offended that Lily had insulted his brother. 

“Where is he anyway? He was supposed to be here.” Regulus frowned more thoroughly. 

“James said he refused to come.” 

“Good riddance.” Said Severus. As if summoned by the sound of his name, James appeared next to Lily. 

“Baby Black!” James cheered. “Whatever are you doing here? Don’t tell me you impersonated Sirius to gain entry into this elusive event.” 

Regulus scoffed at James, “No, of course not, we don’t even look- I was  invited.” 

“But you’re a first-year.” Slughorn  never  invited first-years.

“Regulus is a genius, is what he is, isn’t that right Black?” Wilkes cooed. 

“Where’s Sirius?” Regulus asked again, ignoring Wilkes and glaring at James. 

James shrugged and sighed, “I did my best, but he’s a stubborn one, that brother o yours.” 

“Aw Reggie don’t pout.” Rosier snickered. “Who needs that plonker when you have me?” 

A silver tray appeared at Lily’s elbow, a small creature holding up a tray full of tiny unidentifiable finger food. Lily picked up a morsel of what looked to be some sort of leaf with a pinkish paste and dark blue syrup piled on it. “Oh! Thank you very much.” Lily said, popping the strange food in her mouth, the taste was just as difficult to pin down. The creature’s eyes widened in alarm. 

“Oh! there is no need to be thanking me. Please accept my deepest apologies, please, I meant no offence!”

“Oh- erm, I’m not offended? It’s alright.” Lily couldn't imagine where the creature would get the impression that Lily was offended.

“Oh thank you, thank you. You are a most generous witch!” The creature then bowed and scurried away quickly. Lily looked back up to find the others were all stifling laughter.

“What?”

“Really Evans?” Rosier snickered. 

“Come on Lily, it’s not nice to spook the house elves,” James said. Lily wrinkled her brow. She’d heard of house elves before of course, in books and whatnot, but she’d never seen one in person.

“I didn’t mean to spook her, I’ve never seen a house elf before.” Rosier let out a sharp laugh. 

“Never seen a house elf? Merlin, Evans, it’s a wonder you do so well in school.”

“Now Evvy, don’t be mean, you know not everyone’s as fortunate as we are to afford such luxuries as  house elves .” Wilkes’ voice was sickeningly sweet; an air of laughter in her voice threatened to reach out and choke Lily.

“True, where would your muggle parents even find a house elf?” Rosier laughed. Regulus, who was still squashed between Rosier and Wilkes, crinkled his brow at her, a curious frown forming on his face.  

“You’re a mudblood?” The word tumbled out of his mouth inconspicuously. Like they didn’t mean anything. Like it wasn’t anything but the truth. Like Lily really was made of mud. 

“ Regulus!”  Someone shouted, and it might have been Severus or it might have been James, but Lily’s ears were rapidly filling with the sound of her own blood wiring around her skull, making it hard for her to pay attention. And Lily had never been particularly called to divination but she had the feeling that if she didn’t leave that immediate second tears would start prickling in her eyes.  

Regulus and James- it was James after all, quickly dissolved into an argument about why you shouldn’t say  that word . And James was saying things like ‘ impolite’  and  ‘uncouth’  and Regulus was saying things like  ‘why?”  and “ it isn’t an insult.”  And Lily wanted to scream ‘ of course saying someone has dirty blood is an insult you absolute moron.’  but instead she muttered something about the washroom and rushed away, no one bothered to follow her. 

She found a quiet space between the tapestries and one of the back corridors and dropped to her knees, tears spilling out before she could stop them. She pressed her hands over her mouth to muffle the sound, not that anyone would hear her over the sound of festivities. 

She didn’t know why she was so upset, it was nothing. Regulus clearly didn’t mean it to be hurtful. Quiet, young, first-year Regulus, who clearly didn’t know better. Somehow, that didn’t make her feel better. Knowing that he probably hadn't given it a second thought, hadn’t even considered the ramifications of how that might make her feel. The image of James and his stupid disco pants and stupid muggle pop culture playing hero and setting Regulus straight burned behind her eyes. Would he expect her to thank him later? Would he expect her to praise him for his  bravery?  

With a shout, a girl came whirring past the tapestry and fell against the wall beside Lily with a sob. Lily froze, and the girl jumped at the sight of her. 

“Merlin-Shit!” The girl laughed through her weeping. Lily had seen her before, she was a Slytherin a few years above Lily, Sirius’ cousin, or something. Lily thought for a moment that if she had to see one more Black that evening she’d explode. 

They locked eyes, like a cat catching their own reflection. “Sorry- I, are you alright?” Lily stammered.

“Obviously not.” The girl’s eyes were welled with tears, not unlike Lily’s own. “Are  you  alright?” 

“Obviously not.” Lily echoed. The girl laughed and pursed her lips. 

“You’re one of Sirius’ little friends, aren’t you? Lily, isn’t it?” Lily was so startled that she knew her name she forgot to answer. “I’m Narcissa.” She squatted down and held out a hand to shake.

“I know.” Lily said. “Are you alright?” She asked again.

Narcissa laughed meanly. “Yes, sorry. Got into a bit of a row with my boyfriend.” Lily had seen him around too. A tall and charming blonde boy who played beater for Slytherin who Marlene loathed. 

“What happened?” 

Narcissa let out a breathy sigh, “Nothing really, just family drama I suppose.” 

“Your parents don’t like him?” 

“No, they love him. It’s me, I’m the problem.” Narcissa squeezed her eyes shut. “They just expect certain things from me, and I’m not sure if those things are what I want or- sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping this on some random first-year, Merlin Cissa, get it together.” Narcissa mumbled. 

Lily wasn’t a first-year, but it didn’t seem like the right time to correct her. “It’s alright. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone you don’t know.” 

Narcissa’s head fell back against the wall and she let out a stiff breath. “Last summer, my dad and sister got in this huge row, my sister left, well I suppose she was of age and would have left anyway, but she  left  left, and now no one in the family will speak to her, and I’m expected to do the same but she’s-” 

“Your sister?” 

“That’s- yes. I wanted to go visit her for Christmas, but Lucius thinks it's a terrible idea. Doesn’t want me stirring the pot.” She let out a laugh that was more of a sob.

“Well, I think you should visit her. She’s your sister after all, and I know if it were my sister I wouldn’t let anyone stop me from seeing her.” But, then someone was stopping her from seeing Petunia, herself. They still hadn’t spoken since school began: it made Lily’s stomach lurch. What if Petunia was still angry with her when she went home? What if she never stopped being angry at Lily? 

“I wish it were that simple, my family- they’re not normal.” 

Lily frowned, “Well, that’s rubbish.” Narcissa snorted. 

“Yes, it quite is.” Narcissa said, then stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes and patting down her dress robes. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to Gryffindor Tower. Unless you were planning on going back in there.” Narcissa nodded toward the party.

“No, I don’t think I was.” 

“Alright, up you go then.” Narcissa held a hand out for Lily and pulled her to her feet. They slipped out the back and began the journey through the castle. Narcissa was taking alchemy as an elective that year, which Lily had her eye on since she heard about the class, and was more than willing to let herself be distracted by asking Narcissa all sorts of questions on the subject, Narcissa was all too happy to let herself be distracted by answering them. 

“One more thing.” Narcissa said when they reached the fat lady’s painting. She pulled out her wand and said an unfamiliar incantation, Lily felt the wetness around her eyes evaporate and the sting of old tears disappear. “There you are, good as new.” 

Her dorm was quiet when Lily crept through the door. Mary and Marlene’s curtains were drawn, a sure sign that they were either asleep or wished not to be bothered. Lily shucked off her dress robes and tugged on her nightgown, the shimmer charm had nearly worn from her hair by the time she tugged it free from her tight plait. 

Lily collapsed in her bed but sleep didn’t come. She would close her eyes and all she saw was Regulus with his innocent face as he slung slurs at her, or Percival Weasley talking about the danger of chainsaws, or James and his stupid sodding disco pants educating wizards on how great muggle culture was. And all she could think was how she couldn’t wait to see her sister.

Chapter Text

Snow blanketed all of Shropshire. Soft powder that gave way to grey mush and hardened clumps of ice made the trek up Juniper Lane to Petunia’s house a miserable test of will and reflexes.

“I can’t believe you’ve made me do this.” Martin groaned as his feet coasted over an icy patch of pavement.

“Me?” Petunia scoffed. “What happened to ‘Can I come over, Petunia?’, ‘My house is so boring, Petunia’, ‘Please, Petunia’, ‘I’m going to fail French if you don’t help, Petunia.’?” Final exams were indeed upon them, and Martin might indeed fail French, though it was unlikely there was anything Petunia and her limited mastery of the language could do to prevent his impending doom.  

“That is not what I sound like.” Martin protested. “And.” He heaved, “That was before I remembered that your house lies beyond my mortal enemy?” 

“The river?” 

“Exercise.” Martin grasped his chest, then slid again. Petunia clasped his arm to steady him and they collapsed into giggles as they finally made it to the shelter of Petunia’s front porch.

Petunia stumbled through the front door and came to a sudden stop, her good humour evaporating. “What are you doing here?” 

Severus Snape sat on the Evans’ sofa squished next to Petunia’s sister, still in their Hogwarts uniforms. Lily hopped up from the sofa and rushed to Petunia like she intended to tackle her, but skidded to an abrupt halt a few feet away instead.

“Petunia. Hi.” Lily’s eyes were wide and moving frantically between Petunia and Martin, who’d trailed in behind her. “We just got back, Mrs Snape dropped us off.” That’s right, Petunia’s mother had said something about the arrangement: ‘That wonderful witch offered to pick the children up using that fireplace spell, isn’t that fantastic?’ Fantastic.

“And she just left him here?” Petunia whispered, Severus’ sour gaze burning into her from the sofa. 

“He wanted to stay. I told him he could. You know what they’re like.” Lily said quietly. Petunia did know, but she knew what Severus was like too, she didn’t fancy having any member of the Snape family skulking around the house.

Lily squinted at Martin. “Who’s this?”

“This is Marty.” 

“I like your… uniforms?” Martin nodded at Lily’s robe, thankfully neither she nor Severus was wearing those ridiculous hats of theirs. 

“Oh-er- thank you,” Lily said. “I didn’t know you’d have company over.” 

“Yes, well, it’s my house, so.” Petunia snapped.

“I’m- right, I’ll just- it’s nice to meet you.” 

“Martin and I have to study.” Petunia grabbed his arm and quickly tugged him up the stairs to her bedroom. 

The door slammed shut and Petunia let her book bag fall heavily to the floor. Her winter coat was too hot, her body was shocked by the temperature change, she ripped it off and threw it on the bed. She was still too hot, she ripped her blazer off too and balled it in her hands before throwing it into some unknown corner of her room. 

“That was very odd right?” Martin asked, removing his own overcoat with much more tact. “Because I feel like it was but honestly I’m never too sure about these things.” 

“It… was.” Petunia stalled as she tried to formulate a version of the truth that would be explainable to Martin. 

“…are you alright?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Petunia hid up in her room with Martin until dinner, trading French pleasantries and avoiding discussing her less than composed reaction to her sister’s arrival. Marty was amenable to avoiding the topic, but nascent concern lingered in his tone.  

Dinner was an awkward, stilted affair. Severus glowered at her through the meal, whilst Lily picked sullenly at her spaghetti and their parents fumbled through topics that were unsuitable to be had in Martin’s presence: starting sentences with no end and reaching for made-up placeholders for what Lily and Severus had been up to whilst away at school.

Petunia delighted in the discovery that Martin unwittingly provided the perfect excuse to keep Lily and Severus from talking about magic and wizardry. She invited him over the next day too, for no good reason other than to laze about watching the Telly, Martin moaned and groaned about hiking the hill again, so the day after that she had Lottie over instead. 

The week passed quickly like that, as long as Petunia had company over she didn’t have to hear about Hogwarts or flying broomsticks or anything of the sort. Petunia knew it was wildly petty, and true, a part of her was dying to know what Lily had learned last term. But that desire was greatly overshadowed by her unwavering desire to make Severus feel as unwelcome as possible. He hadn’t even apologised. Which wasn’t really a surprise: he wasn’t sorry.  

“Jack Hanson asked me to go ice skating with him.” Lottie leaned across the dining table with her cheek pressing into her knuckles. Final exams had ended and Petunia had invited both Lottie and Martin over. The two of them really did get on quite well once Martin forgave Lot for ditching Petunia at Priscilla’s Halloween party. The three of them huddled around the table, flipping through last month's issue of Cosmopolitan that Lottie had stolen from her older sister. 

“What did you say?” Petunia feigned interest, she didn’t particularly care if Lottie went on a date with yet another boy.

“I told him I’d only go if we doubled with you two.” Lottie was under the strong impression that Petunia and Marty were an item, and Petunia had yet to correct her on the matter. Marty locked eyes with Petunia over the top of Lottie’s head, giving her a sideways and unsure glance. 

“And if we don’t go?” Martin asked. 

“Well I’ll probably still say yes, he’s quite fit isn’t he?” Lottie sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and grinned.

“I ‘spose, if you like that tall, muscle-y sort of thing.” Marty said airily, Petunia knew for a fact that he did like that sort of thing. 

Lottie placed both her hands on Petunia’s arm, they were cold. Lottie was always slathering on hand cream, cloying, strawberry-scented stuff that clung to everything, Petunia’s arm would smell like artificial strawberries now. It made Lottie’s hands so soft and cold they bordered on slimy. It should have been repulsive. “Oh please say you’ll come. It will be much more fun with you there.” Lottie batted her big acorn eyes at Petunia. Petunia wondered if Lottie knew it was the same look she pulled when she was flirting with a boy. 

She should say no. She should tell Lottie that Jack Hanson was a bullheaded oaf that Lottie shouldn’t waste a spare minute on. She should tell her that she wouldn’t entertain another one of Lottie’s frivolous romances. 

“Oh alright.” Lottie clapped her hands together in delight, leaving the skin on Petunia’s arm exposed and cold from the trace of strawberry lotion left behind.

A thumbing came down the stairs and Lily stopped abruptly in the hallway, catching Petunia in a doe-eyed stare. Petunia snatched the magazine and held it under the table. “What?” 

“Can I talk to you?” Lily's gaze flickered between Lottie and Martin. “Alone?” 

“Fine.” The chair skidded against the floorboard as Petunia stood up and followed Lily into the kitchen. Petunia gripped her elbows and leaned against the counter. 

“What?” 

“How long are they going to be here?” Lily whispered. 

“I dunno. As long as they’d like.” Lily’s eyebrows scrunched up and she huffed loudly through her nose. “What?” 

“You’re not being fair, I know you’re doing this on purpose.” Petunia was absolutely doing this on purpose. But what wasn’t fair was having to spend her entire Christmas holiday with Severus creeping around her house like a spiteful, venomous snake, waiting for opportune moments to attack. 

“Doing what? Spending time with my friends.” Lily glared at her. Petunia didn’t care if Lily saw through the lie, in fact, she wanted her to. 

“You know I can’t do magic with them around.” 

“So? Don’t do magic then.” It was cruel. Petunia would have sold her own heartbeat to do magic, cut it out of her chest and bleed out just to taste it. Magic was something to be cherished, and if she had it she would fight tooth and nail against anyone who tried to stop her from using it. She knew how much this hurt Lily. Good. She wanted it to hurt. It picked at something rotten in Petunia. Maybe it was the hollow pit where her magic was supposed to be.  

“That’s not- it’s not fair that I should have to hide who I am in my own home.” Lily knew nothing of hiding, or fairness. She knew nothing of what it was like to watch someone have everything you want, to shut you out from it because you weren't born right. She knew nothing of the burden of holding other people’s secrets or forcing down the things you want for the good of others. She knew nothing.

“Well, that isn’t my fault! I’m not the one who’s forcing you to hide. You want to tell ‘em? Let’s do it, right now. Lo-“ 

Lily yanked Petunia away from the kitchen door. “Shut it!” 

“It’s not my fault wizards are intent on keeping magic a secret. If it were up to me, everyone would know about magic.” Petunia wouldn’t stand for Lily blaming her for this.

“It’s not safe for muggles to know about magic.” Not safe. That had been what that witch had said when Petunia asked to go to Hogwarts. But magic was there whether muggles knew about it or not. Ignorance of it did not grant muggle immunity from it.

“I’m a muggle, I know about magic.” 

“That’s not the same.” 

“Why?” 

“Because it isn’t!” But it was the same. Petunia was only allowed to know about magic because it was convenient.

“I’m not asking my friends to leave.” Petunia pushed off the counter and stomped out. 

…

Ice skating was about as unpleasant as Petunia imagined it would be. Even more so because she liked ice skating. Skating in general, was a passion of hers. She has always enjoyed the weightlessness of it, the serenity amid chaos. So, the fact that she should have been having a good time only further sullied the experience. 

Lottie and Marty were gossiping about her. They skated side by side fifty paces in front of Petunia and Petunia didn’t need to hear them to know exactly what they were talking about. Marty was asking about Petunia’s sister. What was that strange, mysterious school she went to? Who was that awful boy staying with them? Why was Petunia so mean to Lily? And Lottie was answering to the best of her knowledge, which was very little, but Lottie was excellent at filling in gaps. Petunia’s sister went to some special school for genius children. Yes, it was strange. That Snape boy was absolutely no good, he lived over in the rough part of town but Petunia’s sister had befriended him for some reason, she always had been so odd. Lottie didn’t know why Petunia was so upset with her, she was probably jealous. Petunia has always been a bit of a bitter, jealous shrew, hadn’t you noticed? 

Petunia hoped Jack would return soon and separate the two. It was becoming increasingly clear that Petunia had created some sort of nightmare, making the two of them become friends. They were both boisterous and beguiling and better suited to one another than Petunia ever would be. Petunia knew Marty was only turning to Lottie for answers because Petunia refused to answer him, but that didn’t make her feel any less indignant. Lottie was right, Petunia was a jealous shrew. 

Jack was a gentle, quiet boy, and utterly besotted with Lottie. Lottie’s overwhelming presence quickly eclipsed Jack's gentle composure. She had sent him off to fetch them all warm ciders and he had complied unquestioningly. It was a foolish sort of devotion. If Jack were smarter he would've known that Lottie would use his favour to her own, fathomless ends. Lottie wasn’t the sort of person who could be trusted with fealty.

Petunia was a faster skater than any of them, she caught up with Martin and Lottie quickly, sliding between the two as though she was one of them. 

… 

Lottie left with her family to spend Christmas in the South of France, and there were only so many days in a row she could convince Marty to spend at her house, so eventually, Petunia had to spend an evening at home, unguarded. The proceeding dinner was filled with her parents’ delight as Lily and Severus demonstrated all sorts of theatrical spells: freezing glasses of soda and turning salt shakers into mice and shooting miniature fireworks into the air that rained ash down on the table. 

The worst part was Petunia couldn’t bring herself to hate magic, despite her best attempts. She could glare and bemoan the ash on the table, and protest when Lily or Severus pulled out their wands to wipe the table clean with just as little effort, but it wouldn’t erase the pull of delight in her heart whenever she bore witness. She glowed with fondness whenever Lily broke into a grin after a successful spell, until Petunia remembered that she was upset with Lily, and squashed the feeling. 

“Hey, Pet, look at this!” Lily said one morning at the kitchen counter whilst Petunia fried half a dozen eggs because Petunia might not be pleased with either Lily or Severus, but she wasn’t about to let them starve, or worse, trust them to cook breakfast for themselves. 

Lily aimed her wand at the steam rising from the tea kettle and muttered some strange words. The steam warped into the shape of a fox and began to dash around the air, wisps of steam trailing off it until it evaporated completely. It was an absolutely delightful sight: there was nothing lovelier than magic just for magic’s sake, it was…

“Charming, tell me does that school have nothing better to teach you than frivolous spectacle?” Petunia spat.   

“I thought you’d like it.” Lily frowned. 

“Well, you thought wrong.” Petunia returned to scraping a spatula through the muddled eggs, trying to keep bits from burning to the bottom of the pan. 

“Ignore her Lily, she’s just bitter and jealous.” Severus droned. 

“Why would I be jealous of a stupid party trick? If I wanted to go to the circus I would have.” 

The sound of Lily’s chair scraping against the floor as she stood jolted Petunia and Severus both. “Why are you so horrible?” Lily shouted. 

Petunia dropped the spatula and gripped the edge of the counter. “Me? What about you?” 

“I haven’t done anything!” 

Petunia snorted. “Oh of course not! Perfect Lily has never done anything wrong in her life, how could I forget?” 

Lily huffed and water tears began to fill her eyes, that was no good. No good at all. “I’m sorry! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!” 

“See, you don’t even know!” 

“Because you won’t talk to me! You wouldn’t take my phone calls, or answer my letters, how am I supposed to make things right if you won’t let me?” 

“You could start by not inviting him to stay here!” Severus was leant back in his chair, arms crossed bitterly as he stared off in the other direction, as if he didn’t notice the fight at all. 

“This is about Severus?” Lily’s eyes widened. 

“What bloody else would it be about?” 

“You’re still upset over what happened this summer? That was ages ago!” Petunia wasn’t upset, she’d long since accepted that Severus was set in his ways. She simply just wanted him to go on with his muggle hatred somewhere else, somewhere that wasn’t her own home. It was no use being upset at him. Lily, on the other hand, was the one who insisted on bringing him around, insisting that Petunia take pity on him because of his no-good, rotten family. And Petunia did, pity him. But that didn’t give Lily the right to bring him into their home when he hadn’t so much as said sorry for his hateful words.

“So what? Nothing’s changed! He hasn’t apologised.”

Severus laughed sharply. “What a joke, I’m the one who deserves an apology.” 

“Oh of course! Always one to play the victim, aren’t you? Never mind your own actions.” 

“At least I never hit anyone,” Severus said sharply.

“Oh no, you just go around threatening them with that silly stick of yours. That’s much better.” 

“I was defending myself!” 

“Against what? If wizards are so much better and smarter than us what need would you have to defend against them?” 

“I never said-” 

“Oh bollocks! From the moment I met you, you’ve done nothing but bang on about how much you loathe muggles. Honestly, I’d think you of all people would understand what it feels like to be judged for something out of your control.”

“Have you considered maybe the reason I detest muggles is because of you? You are the most miserable, ill-tempered-”

“Well at least I’m not a hateful little-”

“Stop!” Lily screeched. “You have to stop.” Her voice cracked and she shut her eyes as tears rolled out, when she opened them again they were bright and angry.

“This has to end. I can’t take it anymore.” 

Petunia snapped, “Not everything is about yo-” 

“Shut up!” Lily shouted. “You’ve been completely miserable since we got here and I can’t take it anymore, I know you don’t hate magic, so just stop pretending!”

Severus snorted, “I don’t know Lily, I think she might really-” 

“And you!” Lily whipped around to face Severus. “Petunia’s right, you know? You treat her like absolute shite! It’s no better than the way purebloods treat us for being muggle-born.” 

“That isn’t even remotely the sa-” 

“It is! It’s exactly the same. And I won’t stand for it anymore. I have to spend all year listening to other wizards spew crap about muggles, I won’t take it in my own home.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Severus sounded stricken, and Lily huffed. 

“I want you to apologise. Both of you!” 

“But-” 

“Now!” From his seated position Lily towered over Seveus, she crossed her arms as she loomed above him. He glared back up at her. 

“Is this really-” 

“Do it or I’ll hex you into a pigeon.” 

Severus huffed, then muttered in Petunia’s direction. “Sorry.” 

Lily egged him on. “What for?” 

Severus glowered at Lily, then squeezed his eyes shut. “All of it? Alright? Neither of you know what it's like to be around those- those people constantly.” Petunia wasn’t sure if he meant his parents or his schoolmates. “Listening to all the wretched things they say. And sometimes I- I’m sorry. Alright?” Severus kept his eyes trained on the ground. It wasn’t a real apology. But even if it was just for show, it was the closest thing to vulnerability Petunia had heard from him in a long time.

“Okay,” Petunia said. “I’m sorry too. I know I haven’t been fair… to either of you.”

Lily glared sternly at her. “And you’ll stop being such a git?” 

“Fine.” 

“And you did like my fox charm?” 

“Yes, I liked it.” 

“Alright then.” Lily settled down. The eggs had started to burn, but if anyone had complaints about the half-burnt eggs, they kept them to themselves. 

…

“What are you reading?” Petunia’s door was open, it was well past when either of them should have been up, but Lily stood in the doorway in her Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer pyjamas. 

“Catcher and the Rye,” Petunia answered.

“Oh, what’s it about?” Lily took the answer as an invitation to sit on the edge of Petunia’s bed.

“A kid who doesn’t want to grow up.” 

“Oh, like Peter Pan?” 

“Nothing like that.” 

“Can I borrow it? When you’re done.” 

“If you want.” 

“Thanks.” 

Petunia sighed. “Alright, what’s wrong?” 

“What, nothing?” Lily shook her head as if Petunia wasn’t her own sister, and could spot when something was amiss from miles away. Lily relented and climbed on the bed.

“I just, I thought things would be different, at Hogwarts.” 

“Is it not living up to the dream?” 

“It’s just- everyone there expects me to fail, because I’m muggle-born, and I’ve tried so hard to prove them wrong, I have proved them wrong, and it doesn’t make a difference. No one there understands muggles, except Mary really, but the rest of them have no idea what it’s like. Even my friends, or people I thought were my friends, they say stupid things and don’t listen when I tell them otherwise. I just, thought when I got to Hogwarts, it would feel like I finally belonged, I’m just as out of place as I ever was.” 

“You don’t have to go back, you know.” 

“What?” 

“To Hogwarts. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go. There are other magical schools, aren’t there? Or you don’t have to go at all, you’re brilliant at magic, I doubt there’s anything that school will teach you that you couldn’t learn on your own.” Petunia didn’t think Lily would ever agree to leave Hogwarts. But it seemed important: that she knew she had a choice.

“I do like it, I don’t want to leave. And besides, it wouldn’t matter. I’ll always be a witch in the muggle world or a muggle in the wizarding world. There’s no place for me, really. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much.” Lily was right. Even if she didn’t stay at Hogwarts, she’d still have magic, still have to keep it secret. There was no place in the whole wide world where Lily could be her full self. Petunia hated that.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a prick to you.” 

“Yeah, that was shite.” 

“When did you start swearing so much?” 

“It’s Marlie’s fault, she’s got a mouth like a sailor.” 

“Know many sailors, do you?” 

“You know what I mean… arsehole.” They both laughed and took turns trading the worst swears they knew until they both fell asleep.

…

“Oh, this is just terrible.” Her father set down his cup of coffee, it was one of those nebulous, timeless days that existed between Christmas and the New Year. 

“What’s happened dear?” Holly paused in the middle of buttering her toast. 

“Bombing in London. That’s the third time this year.” 

Holly sighed and resumed buttering. “Oh how awful, it seems the whole country is in shambles these days. Think it had anything to do with that nonsense up north?” Petunia caught a look between Lily and Severus from opposite ends of the table. 

“What do you know?” 

“It’s probably nothing.” Severus muttered.

“There have been some attacks recently, from a group of wizard terrorists.” Lily answered.

Petunia’s eyebrows jumped up. “What? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Well we haven’t exactly been talking now have we?” 

“What kind of attacks?” Her father asked, a heavy-set frown on his face.

“Explosions mostly, there was a bus that got blown up last month.” Lily answered, hadn’t Petunia seen something on the news about a bus that had exploded? 37 dead and dozens more injured, said to be due to a fault in the engine: the public transit department was sorely underfunded and had been cutting corners on maintenance. Surely that couldn't be related.

Holly gaped. “You mean that thing in Windsor? Wizards did that?” Lily nodded mournfully and their father’s brows knitted together. “But surely someone would have seen them? They would have been discovered.” 

“I suspect that was the goal, luckily the ministry was able to obliviate everyone.” Severus said stiffly.

“To what?” Petunia asked. 

“Obliviation. It’s a spell for memory repair.” Lily answered. 

“Memory repair?” That didn’t make any sense, an explosion wouldn’t damage someone’s memory, or perhaps it would. But why would wizards help fix that? Wouldn’t that be working in direct conflict with the statute of secrecy? Wizards didn’t want people to remember. How did repairing- oh. Lily didn’t mean repair. She didn’t mean memories were mended and put back together. She didn’t mean healing. “They erased people’s memories? That’s what that is?” Lily and Severus both nodded. “Wizards can do that?” 

“Of course, how else would we have been able to keep magic hidden for so long.” And Petunia… should have wondered that herself. How did wizards keep magic a secret? Especially when it once hadn’t been. There must have been instances of non-magical people finding out about magic, Petunia had always assumed they were bribed, or sworn to secrecy. But of course not, that would never work, not perfectly, not like taking the memory entirely would.

“But that’s- oh my god. That’s horrific.” And Petunia knew what magic could do. She knew how powerful it could be. Magic could conjure weather and bring objects to life, it could give the powers of flight and premonition, were changes to the mind all that unfathomable?  

“It’s not hurting anyone.” Severus shrugged.

“Not hurting- not. How would you feel if someone had stolen your memories?” 

“Well, I wouldn’t remember so-” 

“Oh my god.” Petunia stood up. “Oh my god. I have to.” She ran to the powder room and shut herself inside, crumbling against the wall until she hit the floor. Her breath was wild, loud and erratic and clashing with the beat of her heart. Memory repair. Magic could take people’s memories. Not only could it, but it did: wizards seemed to think it commonplace. Petunia’s own sister didn’t even seem to see the horror. Did Lily know how to do it? Did they teach it in school? How could wizards ever trust one another? If memories could be changed at the drop of a hat, the swish of a wand.  

A hollow knock vibrated the door. “Petunia! Petunia, come out.” Petunia hadn’t remembered to lock the door and Lily let herself right in.

“It’s really not a big deal.” 

“Not a big deal? You mean to say that wizards are going around erasing people’s memories and you don’t think it’s a big deal.” Petunia’s voice was high and wavering out of her control. Had she always sounded like that?

“Well it’s just- not like big stuff.” Not big stuff, not big stuff. Only the small memories, ones people wouldn’t mind parting with. Petunia felt like the washroom was shattering, reality splitting and crumbling around her, she couldn’t get a handle on it. She felt hysterical, like she was caught in the middle of a prank. Any moment Lily’s face would break into a smile and she’d tell Petunia that it had all been a joke.

“People died Lily. In that explosion. People’s family died and they won’t ever know what happened to them.” 

“They’ll know, they just won’t know it was wizards.” And that was- not just stealing memories, but making new ones. How many people were walking around with memories that weren’t theirs? How many people remembered the deaths of their loved ones as spontaneous heart failure or tragic car crashes? Never having a sliver of the truth of what really happened? 

“Don’t they have the right? To know who killed their family?” 

Lily frowned. “Well- I.” 

“Oh my god.” Petunia’s heart pounded in her ears. She felt like she was becoming detached from her body. How many lives had been changed unknowingly because of wizard intervention? How could she trust anything? That any of her memories were real? How could anyone?

“Pet calm down.” 

“No! Oh my god, have you ever? Has anyone ever done that to me?” 

“What? No, of course not!” Not that it would matter of course, like Severus had said, if someone had, it’s not like she’d remember. 

“But if they did I suppose I wouldn’t know it. Oh my god.” She felt dizzy, like the ground had bottomed out from beneath her.

Lily’s eyes were bright and watery. “I haven’t I swear.” 

“Promise me! Promise me you’ll never do that to me.” 

“I- I promise, I would never. Pet I promise.” 

“You can’t! You can’t ever do that.” 

“I won’t. But just- please calm down.” But Petunia didn’t calm down. She settled her breathing and went back to dinner but she didn’t calm down. Every time her heart beat it sounded like broken trust. It was driving her mad, she felt paranoid. She knew Lily would never do something like that to her, but- only would she? 

The temptation must be strong. If Petunia could change someone’s mind at the drop of a hat, get anything she wanted. Erase a fight or an embarrassing moment, replace it with something good. She could do anything. And, perhaps Lily was a better person than she, but the rest of wizard-kind? Was she just to trust that they used their power responsibly? And, was any of it ever responsible? To take someone’s memories from them without their permission, without their knowledge. 

The best Petunia could do was try to forget about it.

Chapter Text

“I think Remus is a werewolf.”

The dormitory was dark. The nightly curfew had long since passed but Mary had scuttled her way into Lily’s bed, head landing right on Lily’s pillow, demanding Lily’s attention with an intense wide-eyed stare. 

“What?” Lily had been sleeping. Well, she had been trying to sleep, filling her head with calming thoughts of sheep or whatever. She blinked hard at the adjustment to being properly awake. 

“Remus. Remember when you were saying that you were worried about him? And I said maybe he’s cursed? Well, I’ve been thinkin’ about it, and you're right, he’s sick every full moon and everyone knows there’s werewolves in the forbidden forest, what if he’s the werewolf.” Everyone did not know there were werewolves in the forbidden forest. Marlene, in particular, was convinced that there were but Lily had spoken to several people who attested to the contrary, including Pandora, who had been in the forest during the full moon, perhaps because she was very brave or maybe because she was very stupid. In any case, she testified to there not being any werewolves in the forest, and Pandora never gave up an opportunity to support an outlandish theory.

And even if there were werewolves in the forbidden forest, Remus certainly couldn’t be one of them. “That’s ridiculous, Remus- he can’t be. That’s- werewolves are evil.” 

Werewolves were a popular topic of conversation amongst her professors, and especially the other students. Lily might not be as well versed in the magical world as some of the others, but she had heard enough to know that werewolves were formidable beasts: the kind that ate your children and destroyed villages. They certainly weren’t shy twelve-year-old boys who jumped when startled and spent their extracurricular time reading muggle romance books (Remus thought he was rather slick, walking around with a copy of Pride and Prejudice knowing the wizard-born kids wouldn’t have an inkling of suspicion when lied and told them it was a war drama.)

“Only on the full moon though, the rest of the time they’re just normal people right?” Mary continued on. That was the frightening part, the part that made werewolves the stuff of scary stories and tall tales. During the full moon, werewolves were terrifying beasts, but the rest of the time they were disguised in their human form which was indistinguishable from any other human. 

“But that doesn’t- Dumbledore would never let a werewolf into Hogwarts. And even if he did, Remus isn’t a werewolf, he’s Remus .” 

“But it makes sense, why else would he be gone every full moon?” 

“I don’t know- maybe it’s a different curse that makes him get sick every full moon.” 

“Or maybe he’s a werewolf.” 

“Mary.” Lily said warningly, feeling dangerously close to shoving the other girl right off her bed.

“I’m just sayin’, if it was a regular old curse, why would Rem lie about it.” 

“I don’t know! Maybe he’s embarrassed or I dunno, but it’s - it’s really not nice to go around and accuse people of being monsters.” 

“I’m not- I don’t think he’s a monster.” But Mary had said that, hadn’t she? Sometimes Lily really didn’t understand her. ”Well not all of the time.” 

“Mary!” 

“I mean, clearly if he were dangerous he would have done something by now.” 

“He’s not a werewolf.”

“But-”

“Stop, I don’t want to hear of it!” Lily turned the other way and squeezed the blankets around her. Mary wasn’t cruel so much as she was careless, willing to say whatever popped into her mind, even if it was rude or hurtful or funny but a little bit mean. Most of the time, Lily liked that about her. But not tonight. Tonight it made a sick lump twist in Lily’s gut. The thought of such a mean spirited accusation hurt just to think about. Remus was not a werewolf, but he was her friend, and so was Mary, and nothing was as horrible as finding one friend speaking badly of another friend, it made her stomach hurt. 

But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t keep her thoughts away from the dark creatures. Mary’s theory had pried open the walls of the floodgates, all of Remus’ unusual injuries and absences did tend to line up with the full moon. But it was impossible, Remus couldn’t be a werewolf. 

Back in first-year, Professor Fawley had spent a whole week discussing werewolves. He had a bit of an obsession with them really, claiming himself to have had a run-in with them several years prior. They were vicious beasts, only to be stopped by the most skilled of wizards. Everyone pretty much agreed that Fawley only said that to boost his own ego, but he wasn’t the only one. The topic of werewolves found a way to weed itself into every class it could (except transfiguration, oddly enough, despite its relevance to the subject matter, Professor McGonagall seemed thoroughly uninterested in discussing the subject) Aconite, poisonous to werewolves, had been studied extensively in both Herbology and Potions. Professor Bins spent an entire afternoon droning on about the Ministry’s implementation of the Werewolf Registry, and it was one of the more notable celestial based curses taught in Astronomy. Even Professor Flitwick found a way to mention the beasts from time to time.

Lycanthropy, the condition's more formal name, was a gruesome disease that transformed men (and presumably women as well) into an uncontrollable wolf-like creature once a month a the rise of the full moon. It was incurable. 

The details changed from story to story: perhaps werewolves were the result of a curse or possession by an evil spirit. Some claimed that werewolves were identical to normal wolves, whereas others thought they were abominable chimaeras: not quite man, not quite beast. But all versions led to the same conclusion: werewolves were bloodthirsty, uncontrollable beasts. 

Remus was nothing like that. Remus was all elbows and freckles and thin wrists. He cried stubborn, angry tears when he was stressed and always had mint jellies in his pocket. He gave Lily hand-knit mittens for her birthday and once went a whole day with his shoes on the wrong feet. He was kind and carrying, always apologising too much and smiling too little. And when he did smile it was a bashful, uncontrollable thing that was only made better by its rarity, and the gratification of knowing you’d done something worth a Remus smile was almost as good as the smile itself.

Mary was wrong.

…

“Just think about it- dinosaurs have to be dragons right?” It was a brittle Saturday in February, and all the older students had ventured to Hogsmead, leaving the first and second-year students of Gryffindor Tower to their own devices. The second years had seized the opportunity to take the common room for themselves. Mary and Sirius convinced the first years that now was the perfect time to go searching for the avalerion nest said to be hidden somewhere in the castle, exceedingly rare, their eggs were said to bring good fortune unlike any other, and they were widely known to not exist, at least to anyone who wasn’t a first year. But Mary and Sirius sent them on the chase anyway, because they were a little bit cruel, and Lily couldn’t say she didn’t appreciate having an entire sofa to herself for once. 

Remus, James, Mary and Sirius were all draped across their respective furnishings of choice as well, they had taken to competing to see who could create the best illusion charm, meanwhile, Pandora and Peter engaged in a very loud and competitive game of exploding snaps on the floor. Mary enchanted the ceiling with a shadow of a pterodactyl flying overhead (though in Lily’s opinion, it looked like a regular bird.) 

“Pterodactyls aren’t even dinosaurs.” Remus pointed out, earning a loud groan from Mary for his pedantry.

“Oh whatever, but they were dragons? Right? They’d have to be, other dinosaurs too.” Mary’s pterodactyl soared across the ceiling, plunging down over the wall as if diving for some unobtainable shadow prey.

“I dunno, what even is the difference between a dinosaur and a dragon?” That was a good question. All of the pictures Lily had seen of dragons bore a remarkable similarity to the dinosaurs of her muggle history classes.

“Fire breathing?” Lily guessed. “Wings.” 

“Some dinosaurs had wings.” Mary said. 

“Not all dragons breathe fire.” Said Remus. Lily had always said the designations between magical and muggle creatures were far too arbitrary. And dragons weren’t crups, bread by wizards to be more magical than their canine counterparts, they were wild animals. If wizards saw fit to keep the existence of dragons from muggles, what reason did they have to allow dinosaurs? Especially if Mary was right, and dinosaurs were indeed just the long dead ancestors of dragons.

But perhaps there was no reason at all. Perhaps it was not the fault of arbitrary categorization, but an unwitting ignorance so deep it left Lily feeling horrified. At least that was what she was led to believe when an unsuspecting James Potter asked. “What’s a dinosaur?” 

Lily, Remus and Mary all retched upright in tandem to gawk at James. Mary squeaked in astonishment. “What’s a dinosaur!” 

Remus made a choked laughing sound “Are you joking?” James shook his head, eyes wide like he didn’t understand why everyone was staring at him. 

Mary wailed, “Oh god, Black, please tell me you know what a dinosaur is? Pandy? Peter?” Sirius pulled a squinty face like he had no idea what they were on about and Pandora and Peter looked up from their game in unison.

“What’s that?” 

Lily thought this might be some idea of a prank. James and Sirius were ever so fond of them, and they weren’t above playing stupid to do so. “You’re not joking?” Lily frowned. 

Remus launched into a lengthy explanation of dinosaurs to the wizard-borns, who quickly came to the conclusion that they absolutely were dragons. Which spawned another heated argument because Sirius refused to believe that muggles could possibly know about dragons, to which Lily and Remus tried futilely to explain fossils, resulting in Sirius’ insistence that they were the ones pulling a prank on him. 

“Okay now I know you’re pulling my leg, T. Rex is the name of a band.” Sirius protested. 

“Yes, it’s named after the dinosaur.” 

“You mean dragon.” Pandora added unhelpfully.  

“Christ, don’t they teach you anything about history? Or science?” Mary winced, physically hurt by the others’ lack of knowledge. 

“Why would we need to know about dragons that died a billion years ago?” James shrugged. 

“That’s not the point.” Remus cried and the bickering continued. Mary insisted that she would bring them back books on dinosaurs the next term and Sirius insisted that just because something is in a muggle book doesn’t make it true and Lily told him that it was silly to believe in dragons but not dinosaurs, seeing as they were in fact, the same thing. 

…

After the Great Dinosaur Debate of 73’, Mary, Remus and Lily formed an informal, secret club that consisted solely of noticing all the strange gaps in wizarding knowledge and making pointed eye contact at each other about it. 

“What the bloody hell is this Mac?” 

“Just hold on. You have to-”

“I don’t want to listen to sad shit Mary.” 

“Shh- just shush. You’ll ruin it. Shh-close your eyes!” 

Sirius was hanging upside down off the shabby red velvet couch in the common room, feet wiggling in the air, far too close to Lily’s face for her own liking, while Mary sprawled on the floor in front of her stereo (she wouldn’t dare bring her turntable into the common room, no matter how hard Sirius pleaded, for fear that someone would damage it). It was Friday night, and not a Hogsmead weekend, meaning the second-year Gryffindors were relegated to sharing a single couch, or else be resigned to the floor. Friday's evenings had become unofficial Muggle Music Lessons. Which had started with only Mary and Sirius, but had quickly expanded to the others. Even the first years had begun to join in, though they had been quickly scared off by Sirius’ scowling glares (Sirius and James had gone a bit drunk with power in regards to the first years, bossing them ‘round like tyrannical kings, likely in retribution for all the times the older boys bossed them ‘round the year before.) 

Sirius complied and the room went silent. Lily found her own eyes falling shut at the slow hum of Nina Simone’s voice, she had always loved this song. Music night had become one of Lily’s favourite times to participate in the secret muggle-born club. Lily, Remus and Mary would often sit with giddy anticipation as the wizard-borns lost their minds over the most popular muggle tunes. It wasn’t mean, really, and Lily figured they deserved it for all the times they took the piss at muggle-borns and their lack of magical knowledge. Unfortunately, Remus was absent that night, claiming a stomach ache earlier in the day, so Lily and Mary were forced to play alone. Mary was smirking expectantly at Sirius with glittering eyes.

…and I’m feeling good. The brass instrumentals exploded and Sirius’ eyes popped wide open in surprise as Mary laughed, giddily humming along with the trumpets.

Lily mouthed along to the words as Mary jived and swung her hands like the conductor of an invisible orchestra. The moment felt warm, like the muggle and magical worlds were colliding, the two sides of her coming together to make a whole. Nina faded out and Sirius had a slack look of astonishment on his face. “That was bril-” 

“I know. Don’t ever doubt me again, Black.” 

“Show ‘em the other one Mare, I think they’ll really lose it.” ‘The other one’ was I Put a Spell on You, which Lily rightly guessed would send the wizard-borns into a panic about ‘muggles knowing about magic’ and launched a heated debate over whether or not Nina Simone was a witch because the wizard-borns couldn’t seem to understand that muggles understood the concept of magic and spells, it was only its existence that was doubted. 

“Magic is just a story to muggles, you have heard of stories before haven’t you, Potter?” Lily tried explaining a third time, but it didn’t seem to get through his thick skull.

“Of course, I’ve heard of stories, but stories always have a basis in reality.” James had taken to squatting on top of the couch cushion next to Sirius in a misguided attempt to assert authority over the discussion. 

“Magic has a basis in reality, the statute of secrecy is only two hundred years old.” Mary added. 

“It’s just a legend, same as wizards have. Like- what’s that one? About the brothers and death?” Lily remembered it from the book of children’s tales she’d gotten Petunia that summer.

“The Tale of Three Brothers.” Peter supplied.

“That’s a true story!” James exclaimed.

“James you poppet, no it isn’t.” Marlene laughed, but the battle was cut short with the change of the song, Mary excitedly turned the dial as loud as it would go.

“Everyone shut up, this is a good one.” 

“Oh! I’ve heard this one!” Sirius chirped just as Peter said, “Oh we’ve heard this one.” with an exacerbated eye roll. 

“I thought it was appropriate since it’s the full moon tonight?” Mary snickered.

“What’s it got to do with the full moon?” Lily didn’t think the song had anything to do with the full moon, but then again she didn’t understand half of Bowie's songs. Not that she would ever mention that in front of boys, who’d taken to worshipping him like a leather-pantsed space god (which apparently he also was, Lily didn’t get that part either).

“It’s called Moonage Daydream.” Mary explained. 

“I don’t really think- nevermind.” 

“Oh, Remus will be so disappointed he missed Bowie.” Pandora sighed and Mary caught Lily’s eye from across the floor with a knowing look. So what? Just because it was another full moon and Remus was missing again didn’t mean anything. Lily narrowed her eyes, but Mary only rolled her eyes at the silent scolding. 

Despite her best intentions, the suspicion latched onto her. Lily found herself watching Remus more closely than usual, looking for… well she didn’t quite know.

Remus yelped as he attempted to slice into a breakfast sausage only for it to slip past his knife and roll across his plate. The thought of Remus Lupin as a formidable beast was frankly absurd: Remus was quiet and timid and apologised even when he wasn’t at fault. He spooked at the sight of bugs, and the sound of wind and was perhaps afraid of his own shadow. Now if it were James or Sirius under suspicion, she might be more inclined to believe.

An alarming shout came from the Slytherin table, in the centre of the commotion were several Slytherins, Sev included, all jumping and scrambling away from the table. The Gryffindor boys all turned in tandem to gawk at the calamity before collapsing into boisterous laughter. 

“Oh dear, I hope they’re alright.” Peter dramatically gasped, stifling a laugh.

“What did you do?” Lily scowled at them.

“Us? Why nothing, Evans.” Sirius blinked innocently, while continuing to grin in a way that indeed reminded Lily very much of a wolf. 

“But I will say.” James wheezed. “ Revenge is a dish best served cold .” James said with the world’s worst Marlon Brando impersonation.

“Not this again.” Mary groaned. Allegedly, the boys had all snuck out of the castle and flooed to muggle London to watch The Godfather last November for Sirius’ birthday. An absurd feat that Lily would absolutely not have believed if it weren’t for James' incessant and poorly executed impressions he insisted on doing every thirty seconds ever since. Lily would have thought that the Christmas hols would have provided enough distraction to divert his attention to something else, but alas she was granted no such graces. 

“I swear, if you lose us any more points I’ll-“ 

“You’ll what, Evans?” James grinned with goading, raised eyebrows.

“I hate you.” 

“Never hate your enemies, it affects your judgement .” James replied. Lily dropped her head to the table and groaned. Wolves indeed. 

...  

The Slytherin dungeons gave Lily the creeps. And not just because it was crawling with Slytherins who were less than fond of her. It wasn’t even that it was in the dungeon. Although, why would anyone put a school dormitory in the dungeon? Why would a school even have a dungeon? No, the unsettling part about the whole thing was that the Slytherin common room didn’t look anything like a dungeon at all. Though it may be referred to as such, in actuality, the Slytherin common room was a brightly lit room built of smooth white stone with high vaulted ceilings that let in light through huge, stained glass windows. The Slytherin dormitory could be described as nothing short of beautiful. Rather, what sent chills down her spine was the strange sterility. There was far too little furniture for the size of the room, all spread out: starch white sofas and firm wooden chairs intended more for decoration than lounging about and was always ghostly quiet, the space was sparsely used and when it was, people erred on quiet, hushed conversation, much more like a museum than a place for children. Lily couldn’t imagine holding music sessions down here. 

The two students taking tea in the corner didn't pay Lily any mind when she followed Severus into the dungeon, thanks to a nimble little notice-me-not charm, it wouldn’t stand up to close examination but was good enough for getting past already self-involved fourth years. Once inside the dorm, Lily flopped backwards across Severus’ bed while Sev collapsed to the floor and began scrawling furious notes in his potions book. He was still seething from the exploding frost spell James and the others set off earlier that week, it left a phantom frostbite that Severus and the other Slytherins were still shivering from days later. Lily had already torn into them for their loathsome behaviour, but they seemed unreceptive to traditional scoldings.

“What about a tongue-tie jinx? Or I could slip them a hair loss potion, that would really teach ‘em.” Lily grumbled up at the ceiling. 

“Potter probably has some sort of protection spell in place for his hair, that posh git.” Severus snorted. 

“What if we- I don't know.” Lily mused. She hadn’t wanted to stoop to their level. But it wasn’t fair that they got away with hexing and jinxing her friend without any recourse. Lily was just as clever as they, she shouldn’t let them get away with it. Besides, if it really was just “harmless pranks” as James so insisted, then there was no harm in pranking back.

The door to Severus’ dormitory swung open and in stomped Evan Rosier, hair still soaking wet from quidditch practice, he scowled at Lily “You’re not allowed in here.” 

“Sod off, Rosier.” Severus said. 

“This is my room.” Rosier winged, his aristocratic accent seeping through the words even as he flung himself onto his bed haphazardly. Evan lifted his head to glare at Lily again. “That was a real prat move you and your friends pulled the other day, Evans.”  

“They’re not my friends. And I certainly didn’t help them with that.” Lily scoffed.

“Whaveter, tell Sirius if he pulls some shit like that again I’ll hex his bollocks off.” 

“Funny, we were just discussing that.” Severus’s lips twisted into a wry smile. Severus and Evan had a tense friendship, thinly held together by their shared hatred of Sirius Black. 

“Dick severing charms?” Rosier’s pattern of speaking was an odd amalgamation of overly formal and exceptionally crass, which made for an all around offensive experience. 

“Revenge.” Severus elaborated and Rosier scoffed.

“Ah I see, so Evans is here to ensure your plan fails.” 

“I can cast circles around you, arsehole.” 

“Perhaps, but it hardly matters, you’re a rat. Come on, Snape, she can’t be trusted to plot against her own house.” 

“If you’re going to be unhelpful, you can leave.” 

“Once again, I would like to point out that this is my room.” Rosier rolled onto his stomach. “If you really are on our side you would sneak into their dorm and jinx it, seeing as it’s completely unguarded from other Gryffindors.”  

“You could fill their room with puffapods. Professor Sprout keeps a whole store of them in the greenhouses.” Severus suggested with an amused twinge on his lips.

Lily could do that. She’d been in the boy's dorms on several occasions, and she knew the quidditch practice schedule, when they would all be out. Well, all except. “No, I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt Remus.” Sev let out a loud scoff. 

“I told you so.” Rosier mumbled. Severus set his book aside and glowered at her. 

“Your insistence on befriending Lupin is infuriating.” 

“I’m not- he is my friend.” 

“He’s just as bad as the others, you just can’t see it because of that pitiful facade he puts on.” 

“That’s not true, he’s nothing like the others.” Remus was polite and kind and sweet and nothing like James with his obnoxious escapades. 

Severus made a face of disgust, “Ugh, you are clearly blinded by your affections.” 

“I don’t- I’m not-“ Lily stammered. She didn’t have affections for Remus. Sure, she cared for him, just as she cared for Petunia or Mary or Severus, because he was her friend. She didn’t appreciate everyone making insinuations that her friendship with him was anything more than that. Really, how dare Severus imply such a thing. Who did he think he was insulting her judgement like that? 

Severus kept on with a sour disposition. “Lupin is good at playing dumb, but it’s obvious he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Lily froze. “What did you say?” 

“It’s an act, Lily. He’s clearly infatuated with Potter and Black. He hides it behind all that stammering and incompetence but he goes along with their plans just as much as Pettigrew.” 

But Lily didn’t care about any of that now. Instead, she was thinking of Remus’ skittishness and the way he sometimes seemed scared of his own shadow. What reason would someone have to be afraid of themself? Turning into a ferocious beast was one.

Severus and Rosier fell into an impassioned discussion regarding James' ability to weasel his way into people’s lives and convince them to follow him like mindless devotees. Or something- Lily had stopped listening. Her thoughts fully centred on Remus. Remus, who was sick every full moon. Remus, who was covered in a myriad of slicing scars, Lily had always assumed they were the result of a harsh childhood and knew better to ask. But some of them had come from school: the claw marks on his arm, the broken leg and cracked ribs. Could they all have come from himself.

But- there had to be another explanation. Nothing about the dangerous, dark creatures matched up with her friend. 

But- wasn't that the scary thing about werewolves? All other days of the month they were just normal people, completely unassuming, you could never truly know if someone was a werewolf until the full moon.

“Sev, what do you know about werewolves?” Lily said abruptly, cutting off Rosier’s rant about how stupid Sirius’ new haircut was.

“I- werewolves? Why?” 

“I dunno.” Lily faltered. “Marlene thinks there’s some in the Forbidden Forest.” 

Rosier snorted. “There’s no werewolves in the Forbidden Forest. Don’t believe everything you hear, Evans.” 

“How do you know?” 

“Because-" Rosier sighed, "they were practically all run out of England in the ’60s.”

“We’re in Scotland.”

“The British Isle, whatever.” 

“What happened to the werewolves?” 

Rosier groaned. “Merlin, Evans, don’t you know anything? There was a huge campaign to rid them a few years ago. I’m surprised you don’t know, that friend of yours Dad was the head of it.” 

“What? What friend?” 

“Lupin. My dad used to work with him in the ministry." Lily hadn't known that. Truthfully Lily didn't quite know what either of Remus' parents did. Remus had told her that he'd been ill a lot as a child, and his parent's spent most of their time tending to him, but well, certainly his father had to have some occupation of some sort. And to think, if Remus' dad had been the head of an anti-werewolf campaign, well then there was no way that Remus was a werewolf. "Of course, that was before he went and disgraced his family by marrying that muggle, sort of became a recluse after that.” 

Lily wretched upright and glared at Rosier. “That’s- you shouldn’t say things like that.” 

Rosier leaned his head back and smirked at her. “What? It’s true. And I mean look at Lupin, his magic is pitiful.” An icy rage rattled up inside her. It wasn’t true. Remus’ magic wasn’t pitiful. Sure, his spellwork could use work, but that was because he was missing class, not the strength of his magic. “Or Pettigrew, I mean I’m surprised they even admitted him at all, ‘s practically a squib. That’s what happens when you mix with muggles.” 

“Peter’s parents aren’t muggles.” Lily bit back quickly. 

Rosier rolled his eyes. “Oh sure they’re not, you really believe that tale about his dad being some bloke who ran off, he was a muggle , that’s why he’s never met him.” And well, Lily had been curious, when Peter admitted to them all that he’d never so much as met his father, but- not because of Peter’s magical ability. And even if Pete’s father was a muggle, it didn’t matter, because that had nothing to do with magical ability. Lily was evidence enough of that. Severus was evidence of that, he had more magical ability in his big toe than Rosier had in his entire body. 

Lily spat. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

On the floor, Severus had gone quiet and still, his eyes locked on one of his own knees. How could he just sit there while Rosier spewed such hateful rubbish about them. About Severus, really. It wasn’t as though Rosier didn’t know that Severus had a muggle father, or at least, Lily didn’t think so.

“Oh calm down Evans, don’t take everything so personally, I wasn’t talking about you. But just because you’re some sort of magical anomaly of nature, doesn’t change the rule. Muggles aren’t magic, mix magic with non-magic, you get less magic. It’s basic arithmetic. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if those muggles weren’t even your parents.” Rosier swung his wand lazily above his head, sparkling green enchantment drifting in the air above him. He wasn’t even looking at her. But Lily had gone stock still. Of course she had heard the accusation before. The rumours and whispers. Are you certain your parents are really muggles, Evans?  Tossed casually her way after anytime she pulled off a particularly impressive show of spellwork. As if it was the only explanation. 

Her stomach twisted and she bit back the urge to shout and curse at Rosier. Sev was stock still on the floor. Why wasn’t he fighting back? He’d never been one to back down from a fight. And here was Rosier insulting half-bloods right to his face and Severus had nothing to say.

“I changed my mind. You deserved that ice jinx.” Lily shot off the bed and stomped toward the door, Evan glanced toward her briefly, grinning as if it was all some big joke. 

“Lovely seeing you as always Evans!” Rosier called with a chuckle, Lily stomped out of the Dungeon, not worrying if anyone saw her.

This was why she didn’t like to spend time in the Slytherin dorms. She shouldn’t have expected any better of him. Rosier was absolutely vile and wretched, with no regard for what his words did to anyone else. Who did he think he was? Saying such ignorant, hateful things to her, to Severus. Lily knew who he thought he was. Evander of House Rosier , he walked around like some sort of royalty, expecting others to fawn and fall over themselves just to please him like some sort of little king, a tiny tyrant. 

And Severus had just sat there, not a word to say while Rosier insulted him. How dare she call his magic weak, Severus was ten times the wizard Rosier was. As was Remus. Anyone could see that their muggle parentage hadn’t had any detriment to their magical ability. What a load of monkey dung. Sure, Remus was a bit of a numpty in class at times but that was because he’d missed so much school, because he was- because he was-

“Christ! It’s like he can’t even comprehend that someone with muggle parents could be good at magic. It’s bollocks! You know what he called me?” Lily shouted into the phone. Her anger hadn’t died down in the minutes or hours if anything only growing stronger as she recounted the story over the static background of the enchanted phone.

“What? ” Petunia responded with nascent disinterest, the way she did when she’d grown tired of Lily’s trumpeting, but Lily was too angry to mind Petunia’s boredom.  

She ripped a bit of her fingernail off with her teeth. 

“He accused mum and dad of not being my real parents.” Who did he think he was? Was the idea of a muggle-born being good at magic so unfathomable to him that he’d rather believe- what? That she’d been secretly dropped off by wizards at her parent’s doorstep as a baby? It was completely absurd.  

“What? Why?” 

“Because I’ve got magic! He believes all that rubbish about your parents determining your magical aptitude and magic breeds magic and it’s absolutely ridiculous, how could- I mean, Dumbledore is a half-blood for crying out loud.” 

“That’s rubbish.” Petunia agreed, still sounding rather bored with Lily. There was a hesitation in her voice and then. “You’re not- you’re not worried that it’s true, are you?” 

“What? No! Of course not!” Lily bit down on the corner of her thumbnail. Rosier was an idiot. A small minded, hateful, idiot. He was a stupid boy whose words Lily wouldn’t give a single scrap of weight to.

“Good.” Petunia paused. “ You’ve got da’s nose you know? And his eyes. You two could be twins, actually now that I think of it.” 

“ Oh shut it!” Lily squealed. “I know they’re my real parents.” She insisted. “It’s just-” It’s just, hearing people say the same nasty rumours to her over and over again, the questions, the disbelief, she couldn’t help it if it got to her, sometimes. “I just can’t believe the nerve of him!”  

“He sounds like a right prick.” Petunia hummed.

“I know!’ Lily shouted and rolled onto her stomach. “And where does he get off, insulting Remus like that? Rem is a good wizard! He just gets behind because he’s sick not because-” Lily roared into the microphone. 

“Lil-it’s, maybe you should report him to the headmaster?” 

“For what? Being an ignorant bigot isn’t against school rules.” 

“Bullying?”

“It wouldn’t matter, and then I’d get in trouble for being in the Slytherin dorms. That is against school rules.” 

“You could put itching powder down his shirt.” Lily snorted darkly. Itching powder was hardly enough. Rosier was so used to everything working out so nicely for him because he had fancy, respectable parents and summer tutors that taught him every spell in advance so that he could show up at school feeling so very accomplished and better than everyone. Lily wanted to remind him how he very much wasn’t. Not smarter, not better at magic, not better at anything. 

“I’ll think of something, I’m sure.” 

…

“I need your help.” James Potter was draped across an armchair in the common room examining the latest edition of Seeker Weekly. Lily shoved his feet off the ottoman and sat in front of him. 

“Why Evans? I never thought I’d see the day, what can I do for you?” James looked up from his magazine and grinned, Lily was regretting this already. 

“The thing you use to sneak around the castle, I want to borrow it. And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” James' eyes grew wide and startled for a moment before schooling his features, he’d never been the best at hiding his emotions.

“I haven’t the foggiest.” James shrugged. 

“I know you have it, I don’t know if it’s a spell or potion or-”

“And if I did, have something like that, why on earth would I give it to you?” 

Lily knew there was only one answer that was bound to win his favour. “It’s for a prank.” 

James snorted in disbelief. “You? Want to pull a prank?” 

“Is that so hard to believe?” 

“From you? Sorta.” 

“Come on Potter- can’t you be half decent for once in your life?”

“I’m always half decent.” 

“James. Please.” 

“You’re serious?” 

“As a Black.” 

James crinkled his brows and blinked in confusion. “Was that- a joke? 

“I am capable of them you know.” The two stared at each other in a stalemate. James let out a huff and dropped his magazine. “Yeah alright.” He jumped to his feet. “Come on, Red.” 

The key to James’ invisibility was not in fact a potion or spell, but a cloak. James made Lily swear up down and sideways that she would let no harm come to the cloak, which was a ‘treasured family heirloom’, but finally allowed her to part with it. 

Sneaking into the Slytherin dorms turned out to be surprisingly easy. Paired with her nightsight potion and the password she shouldn’t have known but had overheard from Severus, the cloak proved to be the perfect accessory for sneaking into the second-year boy’s dorms. She spotted Rosier’s wand on his bedside and examined it for a moment, familiarising its look. She whispered a quiet transfiguration spell over a plain pencil, resulting in a near perfect duplicate of the wand. Rosier stirred, and Lily froze down to her breath as a quick dread set in.

Out came a loud snore and Rosier rolled to his other side. Lily’s panic subsided and she quickly replaced the fake wand, rolling the real one under his bed and sneaking back out of the dungeon before anyone else woke. 

The next day in transfiguration, Rosier’s wand simply refused to listen to him. Lily held in a smile at Rosier's increasing frustration at his inability to turn water into ink. He worked himself up into a stoop, garnering a stern reprimand from Professor McGonagall, which was a truly gleeful sight. 

By lunchtime, he’d turned nearly blue in the face and came stomping over to the Gryffindor table, scowling at Sirius, who was none the wiser.

“What did you do to my wand?” Rosier barked.

“Why would I do anything to your wand?” Sirius shrugged, truly clueless for once. 

“It’s not working properly, I know you did something.” 

Sirius laughed through his nose and sighed dramatically, “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about Rosie.” 

Rosier scowled. “Don’t call me that- whatever you did to my wand fix it- fix it now.” Lily might have felt a bit bad that Rosier was taking out his misplaced anger on Sirius, or at least she would have, if he hadn’t spent the year playing pranks on the Slytherins. If Rosier falsely believed Sirius to be the culprit, there was no one to blame than Sirius himself.  

Unable to hold her silence any longer, Lily piped up. “Have you considered you’re just not that good of a wizard?” Rosier’s gaze snapped to her with a deep-set scowl. 

“It’s alright Evan, we all have our off days.” Pandora said sweetly, she may have been the only one of them who actually meant well, but the earnest suggestion that perhaps Rosier’s magic was not quite up to snuff was no doubt even worse to Rosier. 

“I’m not- I don’t.” 

“It’s alright mate, magic isn’t everyone’s strong suit you know.” Peter added.

“My magic is perfectly fine! It’s my-”

Mary interrupted him. “Your wand, yeah we heard. If you’re having trouble with your wand perhaps that’s something you should discuss with Madam Pomfrey.” Lily sputtered with laughter.

“You- I swear if”

James sighed. “Oh alright lads we should stop teasing him, Rosier let me see that wand of yours.” Rosier reached to pull his wand out and as he did Lily directed her own wand under the cover of the table, muttering a quick reparifarge under her breath, returning the ‘wand’ to its original state. Rosier pulled up his wand but found that it was not a wand at all but a simple yellow pencil. Rosier gaped at the pencil. 

“That’s not- what is this?” 

“Looks like a pencil mate.” Remus shrugged. 

“But-” 

“No wonder it wasn’t working.” Mary snickered. 

“No-but- I” Rosier squinted at the pencil, his face twisted to anger. “What did you do to my wand?” 

“Rosie, I think the stress is getting to you.” Sirius patted his shoulder sympathetically and Rosier retched away from him.

Mary sighed. “It’s alright, happens to the best of us.” 

“Where is my wand?” Rosier shouted. 

“Did you check under your bed? Mine’s always rolling under it.” Lily smiled at him innocently, Rosier accosted her for a moment. 

“I have to- I” he didn’t finish, turning to rush out of the Great Hall. As soon as he made his exit the whole Gryffindor table collapsed into a fit of riotous laughter. 

“That was epic!” Sirius sang. “Jamie, did you?” James shook his head and nodded in Lily’s direction. 

“Evans?” Sirius gasped. “You did this?” His face was alight with glee. 

“He was being a prat.” Lily shrugged, wolves or otherwise, Lily wouldn’t put up with anyone insulting her friends. 

Chapter Text

Lily Evans had quite a lot on her plate. She had a thirty-inch paper on the founding of the International Confederation of Wizards due in two days that she’d yet to start on, she’d gotten into a bit of a spat with her best friend, who was rather cross after she played a totally harmless prank on his completely deserving roommate, and she had the growing suspicion that her other friend was a werewolf. So it was fair to say that she didn’t have much time to deal with unexpected problems. And yet, they cropped up just the same. How rude of them, really.

Lily slinked into the bathroom that morning, still bleary, and hiked up her nightgown, only to find herself faced with a dark red stain seeping into her pants. “Oh for pete’s sake!” She hastily yanked off her underwear and ran them under the tap, the stain lightning as the sink filled with bloody, pink water. 

It wasn't as though she hadn’t seen this coming. Petunia had gotten her period two years prior, and their mother had sat them both down years ago to explain all the ‘delights’ of womanhood. Lily was expecting this, but she hadn’t expected it just now , when she had fifty other things she needed to do and not nearly enough time for any of them. Truthfully, she hadn’t thought about her upcoming (currently happening) bodily changes since summer, when her mother had quietly slipped her a package of sanitary napkins into her trunk ‘just in case’. 

As Lily hastily scrubbed at her ruined underwear, there was a heavy pounding on the bathroom door. “Lily!” Mary shouted. “Lily, stop hogging the loo!” Lily opened the door and yanked a frowning Mary inside.

“We’re going to be late for herb and I haven’t even done my hair-” 

“I got my period.” Lily said in a rush. Perhaps this wasn’t the kind of news one should be sharing with their friends, but Lily was a little overwhelmed, and a bit panicked, and slightly bereft. 

Mary’s eyes widened, her frustration melting off her face. “Oh- bollocks. Do you need to go see Madam Pomfrey?” 

“I don’t know? Do I?” This wasn’t exactly a medical emergency, was it? Although, had she been bleeding anywhere else she might have already been on the way to the infirmary. 

Mary shrugged, “I dunno, I haven’t gotten mine.” Before Lily could stop her, she was charging back into the dormitory and shouting, “Oi! Marls, Lily’s gotten her period.” 

“Shut up Mary!” But it was too late, Marlene and Pandora had both turned their attention to Lily. 

“Oh blessed Hecate!” Pandora bounded over to Lily and began fussing about. “How are you feeling? Cold? Hot? Hankering for hazelnuts? Do you feel your body becoming one with the divine call of Gaia?” 

Lily jerked her hand away from Pandora, who had taken to examining her fingernails. “What-no!” As Marlene came and clapped her on the shoulder. 

“Aye! Congrats Lils, how's it feel to be a real woman now?” Lily scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“Like I’ve ruined a perfectly good pair of pants.” Lily frowned. Marlene let out a small gasp then dropped to the floor by her bunk and began rifling through her trunk.

“I’ve got just the thing.” She presented Lily with something called a never-wet-rag and ushered the other girls into the washroom. Marlene held the rag under the faucet in demonstration, as the water poured out but vanished on contact. 

“Where’s it go?” Mary asked as Lily said, “Aren’t vanishing spells really difficult?”

Marlene shrugged. “My mum gets ‘em from an apothecary in Diagon Alley, I’ve got loads.” 

Lily hastily changed, hoping to put an end to the fanfare and rushed to class. Her hopes, however, went unfulfilled. Pandora seemed to think an appropriate way to mark the event of Lily’s first menstrual cycle was by telling her about the long and convoluted history of magical customs and practices surrounding menstrual cycles. Everything from the effects of menstruation on wards to the use of “woman’s leavings” in certain potions, a topic which filled Lily with the sudden and strong urge to vomit. Perhaps she would have taken a better interest if Pandora hadn’t insisted on recounting this information loudly during class, in the corridors, at the dining table, drawing the mortifying attention of her classmates, and drawing even more questions out of the boys, who apparently hadn’t received the same kind of chat from their mothers’ about the human reproductive system. Pandora, Mary and Marlene were more than happy to fill them in, whilst Lily sat in abject humiliation, turning so hot with embarrassment that she thought she might burst into flames.  

“It’s like she has no sense of proprietary.” Lily grumbled to Remus, who nodded along politely as he flipped between his History of Magic textbook and ICW essay. Most of their classmates had finished the essay days ago, but Lily and Remus were stuck spending their evening at a tucked away table in the back of the library, researching middle millennia wizarding councils. 

“I don’t think that’s what that means.” Remus’ face scrunched up in the way it did when he thought someone was saying something particularly silly. 

“What?” 

“Proprietary, it’s like- um for contracts?” He hardly sounded sure himself. 

“Whatever, you know what I meant.” Lily huffed. There was a loud bang from around the corner, followed by the sound of books falling off shelves, startling them both.

“Piss off, Avery!” Came the unmistakable sound of Mary’s voice, ripping through the otherwise quiet library. She stomped around the corner and harshly jerked the chair opposite Lily, collapsing in it with sharp and angry movements. 

“You alright?” Remus’ asked, his eyebrows canted in concern.  

“What happened?” Mary’s face contorted into a scowl before falling flat. 

“Nothing- doesn’t matter.” Mary pulled out her textbook and opened it with an angry thud. “Wizard Confederation yeah?” 

“International Confederation of Wizards.” Remus clarified gently. “It’s page 235.” 

“Right, yeah.” Mary flipped to the page and scowled at it. “It’s not bloody fair. Just because he’s got some poncy pureblood parents to teach him all about creepy dark magic doesn’t mean he’s better than us. It’s not my bloody fault that I don’t know about magical history- wizards are the ones who came up with the sodding statute of secrecy. And how is it fair that we have to spend all this extra time studying just because our professors assume we already know this shit? It's complete bollocks, Pandora finished her essay in an hour and you know why? Because her ma’s on the bloody ICW . How is that fucking fair? I swear I-” 

“Miss Macdonald!” The stern ring of Madam Pince's sharp voice cut through Mary’s speech and she froze like a spooked cat. “Was that you I heard shouting profanity in my stacks.” 

“I wasn’t- Avery said-” 

“Whatever Mr Avery said, it was done at the appropriate volume. Shouting is not prohibited in the library. Perhaps five points from Gryffindor will help you remember.” 

“I didn’t-”

Lily fumed, Avery was fond of this play: working one of them into a tizzy with spiteful comments and carefully timed hexes, he was counting on Mary losing her temper, counting on Madam Pince’s punishment. “But Madam-” Lily started.

“And if you three cannot keep it down I will have to ask you to leave.” She said sternly, and pivoted swiftly, her robe gusting behind her. 

Mary slammed her book shut. “Whatever. This is bollocks.” she shoved her book in her bag and all but ran out of the library. Lily and Remus scrambled to follow her. The library doors swung shut behind them as Mary stomped down the empty corridor. 

“Can you believe her?” Mary exhaled sharply. “Avery should be the one in trouble, not me.” 

“Well, you were shouting,” Remus said quietly and Mary skidded to a stop and swiveled around.

“Shut the bloody fuck up Lupin!” Mary’s voice went high and ragged. 

“Hey- don’t shout at Remus.” 

Mary let out a harsh laugh. “Oh right, don’t shout Mary, don’t scream Mary, who gives a fuck if a bunch of arseholes treat you like dung because of who your parents are, just be the bigger person, Mary. I’m so bloody sorry if my response wasn’t polite enough for you.” Mary let out an exhausted breath and kicked the stone wall, then winced and cursed again. 

Remus took a half step toward her, lifted his hand to touch her shoulder, but then thought better of it and left it hanging awkwardly between them. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Pince is a fascist.” Mary choked on a laugh, then wiped at her wet eye. 

“We could go back in there and hex all the books to sing off-key abba songs.” Lily suggested. 

“And lose more points?” Mary glared at the library door like she was trying to burn a hole through it. 

“Maybe you should tell Dumbledore what happened? Avery shouldn’t get away with that.” Remus said. Lily wondered if Remus had heard Avery, perhaps werewolves had better hearing, or perhaps Lily’s hearing was just shit. Not that he’d need to, they’d both been on the receiving end of the viperous words of Avery and his crew, it wasn’t hard to imagine what sort of thing he might have said to upset Mary so.

“Like that would help.” Mary glared. “It’s always the same with Dumbles, he says he’ll ‘talk’ to them and then nothing ever happens.” Remus looked like he wanted to contest, but closed his mouth instead. 

“Well, I guess we’ll have to find a way to get back at him ourselves.” Lily aimed to sound optimistic. 

Mary let out a bubbly snort. “God, you’re becoming as bad as James.” 

“I am not!” The mere thought was reprehensible.  

“You are too.” Mary shoved her shoulder.

“That’s two times you’ve suggested a prank in the last five minutes.” Remus added unhelpfully. Lily glared at them. 

“That’s-I-shut up!” Remus and Mary dissolved into giggles until Lily had no choice but to join in. 

“Eugh- there is no way I’m doing that essay tonight.” Mary groaned, head flopping back toward the ceiling. 

Lily agreed, she was in no mood to sift through textbooks on wizarding governments. “We can meet tomorrow and finish it.” 

Remus’ eyes fell toward the ground. “Oh, I um, I think I’ll just do it by myself actually.” Lily and Mary shared a glance in remembrance: tomorrow would be the full moon. 

Lily had held out for quite a time before falling victim to Mary's conspiracy. But the overwhelming evidence for Remus' apparent lycanthropy only grew. Now that Lily was paying attention, it was clear that on the night of the full moon, Remus always disappeared, whether due to unexpected stomach aches or sudden injuries, and if she listened at night, she could hear the sound of howling in the distance. There were no wolves in Scottland. Lily had checked, even called Petunia and begged her to go out of her way to check with her school's library, Hogwarts didn't exactly have the best resources when it came to non-magical wildlife. Which meant there must have been a werewolf somewhere, perhaps not running wild in the forest but... nearby. And of course, there was the story about Mr Lupin. At first Lily had thought that was definitive proof that Remus couldn't be a werewolf. But perhaps Mr Lupin had been acting out of revenge, driving out the other wolves for turning his son. Still, Lily didn't know for certain. Mary wanted to go right out and ask Remus, but Lily was too afraid that it would hurt Remus' feelings, especially if they were wrong. If Remus wanted to tell them, he would. Lily really wanted him to tell them.

“Oh yeah, sure. Whatever you want Rem. And if you know-need anything you can always ask, we’re happy to help.” Lily fumbled and aimed for a reassuring smile. Whatever Remus' affliction it was clear that it hurt him more than anyone else. Remus wasn't dangerous. That much Lily was certain of no matter his possible status as a lycanthrope. 

Remus squinted shrewdly at her. “Right.”  

“Not that we think you would, or anything.” Mary added quickly. Remus gave a less than confident nod. Lily quickly and clumsily changed the subject to how excited she was to catch up on the latest season of M*A*S*H that summer, which she wasn’t really, but Remus and Mary were both enthusiastic watchers, and the conversation lasted them back to Gryffindor Tower. 

When the girls returned to their dorm, Lily changed into her pyjamas, but instead of climbing into her own bed, peeked open the curtains to Mary’s. 

“I’m sorry about Avery.” Lily climbed onto the foot of Mary’s bed, leaning against the post. Mary was still in her robes watching as Dot slithered around her extended fingers. 

“‘Salright, not like it ‘as your fault.” 

“I know, I just hate how much of a prick he is.” 

“Avery is a troll.” Mary said, gaze still fixed on Dot as the snake twisted around Mary’s thumb. 

“That’s insulting to trolls.” Mary snorted. 

“You’re right, my apologies to the trolls.” They laughed and it was quiet for a little while. 

“I just- I thought it would be different here.” Mary said quietly. “My whole life people have treated me- my family, like we’re different and-and I just thought that maybe, finally, I would get to be somewhere where that didn’t matter.” Mary laughed coldly and the corners of her pulled down like she was holding back a sob. It looked wrong on her face, Mary wasn’t made for frowning. Mary was so bright, so full of love and warmth, like sunshine. Lily wanted to burn the whole world down for dimming her light. 

“Seems like a cruel joke, ya know?” It wasn’t a very funny one. Lily didn’t know what to say. She had been so certain that if she just proved to people that they were wrong about her- about muggle-borns, that they would have to change their minds. They would have to see that they were wrong. But it had been more than a year, and it didn’t seem to matter how good of grades she got, or how many times she showed just how strong her magic was, they still believed they were better than her. Maybe James and Marlene were right about Slytherins, maybe some people did just like being cruel for the sake of it. 

Mary held her other hand out for Dot to climb from one to another, the snake moved in a slow, fluid movement, like a dance. Lily supposed she wasn’t so bad, from a distance. She said as much and Mary held the snake out to Lily. 

“Here, wanna hold her?” 

“No!” Lily shrieked and backed up into the corner of the bed. 

“Oh come on, she’s nice! I promise.” Mary held Dot up closer and Lily put her hands up to block her, yelping as she did. 

“No- absolutely not!” Lily yelped and fell off the bed.

Through muffled curtains, Mary laughed and yelled “Well Dotty hates you too!”

…

As expected, Remus was absent the next day at dinner, and from their morning Herbology lesson the day after that. During lunch, Lily took the opportunity to sneak off to the infirmary with a chocolate tart hidden in the pocket of her robe.

Madam Pomfrey stood firmly at the infirmary door with one hand blocking the entrance and the other on her hip, presenting an unexpected challenge. “Ms Evans, I’ll tell you the same thing I told those boys, Mr. Lupin needs his rest. You can see him later-“ 

“Actually, I’m not here to see Remus.” Lily lied quickly. “I-erm. It seems I’ve started my monthly you-know-whats.” Lily whispered. Madam Pomfrey’s shrewd glare appraised her for a moment, deciding whether to believe her, before finally opening the door. 

“Very well, come on in.” Madam Pomfrey directed Lily to an empty bed. The infirmary was empty, save for Remus in his usual corner bed, Madam Pomfrey made a show of aggressively flicking the dividing curtains shut with a sharp swish of her wand. 

“For your privacy dear.” Madam Pomfrey smiled sweet and devious. Lily sat on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs back and forth whilst Pomfrey collected a handful of items then sat in a stool beside Lily. 

“Have your parents explained your menstrual cycle to you before?” Pomfrey asked, and Lily nodded. “Good, I have to admit, I am not always impressed with Hogwarts' level of education when it comes to such matters.” Madam Pomfrey let out a disapproving huff. “Do you have any sanitary products?” 

Lily nodded again. “Marlene gave me something, a never-wet-rag.” Lily had switched off between it and the muggle stuff her mum had given her, which she found fit much more comfortably in her underwear, but was much less pleasant to replace. 

“Yes, well there are many options you may choose from. Muggle sanitary pads you’re likely familiar with. The never-wet-naps are popular amongst young witches, as well as vanishing cups. Other witches prefer to simply let things happen and use a cleaning spell after. There are also potions that can be used to prevent your menstruation all together. Have you been experiencing any discomfort? Cramping or pains.” 

Now that Pomfrey mentioned it, Lily’s stomach had been in knots for days, she had simply been attributing it to stress and doing her best to ignore it. “Yeah, a bit actually.” 

“On a scale of 1 to 5, how would you rate your pain?” The mild throbbing in her abdomen wasn’t so bad, like a particularly persistent Charlie horse. 

“I’m not sure, two perhaps? It’s not that bad.” 

Madam Pomfrey stood up and patted the skirt of her robe smooth. “Alright, I’ll mix up a potion to help with the cramping, you can take it at your own discretion, but no more than twice per day.” 

“Oh it’s really alright-.” 

“Even so, better to have on hand.” Madam Pomfrey nodded with a curt, close-mouthed smile.

“Alright.” 

Madam Pomfrey let out a terse sigh. “Well, I suppose that’s enough torture.” She swished her wand and the privacy curtain fell open. “You have until I get back with your potion.” 

Lily quickly scrambled off her bed and over to where Remus was laying with an amused look on his face. 

“Hey.” Lily sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to nudge him. A thin layer of sweat covered Remus, and his lips were slightly blue in colour. Puffy purple bruises sat under his tired eyes, the smile didn’t quite make it up that far. Remus always looked terrible after the moon, though he seemed especially bad this time. “Brought you a chocolate tart.” 

“That was sneaky.” He said as Lily set the dessert on the bedside table, suspecting he wasn’t quite up for sitting up at the moment. 

“No idea what you mean. I was seeking medical attention, two birds, one stone.” 

“Right, of course. I definitely believe you.” Remus laughed weekly. “But uh- full transparency, I should probably warn you that-“A shushing sound came from the other side of the bed, seemingly out of thin air. Lily whipped her head up and glared at the nothingness where the sound had originated from. 

Then from nothingness, came a sliver of brown skin peeking out from an invisible curtain, seemingly floating in thin air. “Shhh- she can’t know I’m here.” James whispered, pulling the cloak wider to reveal the whole of his face. 

Lily scowled. “Oh for Pete’s sake-“ 

“Actually, Pete’s not here.” James said quickly, innocently, as if he didn’t even mean it as a joke. 

“Disappear again will you?” She stuck her tongue out at him and he did as requested. Lily turned her gaze toward Remus, who avoided her eyes sheepishly. 

“Really Remus?” 

“Well, I didn’t ask him to come.” Remus glared at the empty space where James had been.

“If you weren’t ill I’d smack you.” 

“No, you wouldn’t.” 

“You’re right I wouldn’t.” The clack of Madam Pomfrey’s heels announced her returning presence. 

“Alright, that's long enough. Mr Lupin needs his rest.” 

“But I’m in tip-top shape.” Remus sang but it came out more like a croak. Madam Pomfrey gave him a sharp look before turning to Lily. 

“Ms Evans. Here you are. Please note the instructions carefully, and do not get it on your hands, it will make your fingers numb.” 

“Er- alright. Thank you.” Lily slipped the small vile of a shimmery blue potion into her pocket.

“When you run out, bring the vile to me and I’ll refill it. Preferably, on a day when Mr Lupin is not in my care.” 

“Um- yes, right right of course.” 

“Alright, out of my infirmary. Out! Out!” Lily was shooed out of the infirmary wing, the door closing unusually slowly behind her. Lily reached into the air behind her, yanking the cloak off James.

“Hey-”

“You! I can’t believe you-“ 

“Can’t you?” James said, righting his glasses. “It’s not anything bad, I was keeping Moony company.” 

“Moony?” 

“Remus- I was keeping Remus company. Poor lad was having a miserable morning.” 

“You were sneaking around.” 

“Oh Merlin forbid. How’s that any worse than what you did? Which, by the way, was totes brill. I’ll have to use that next time.” James flung the cloak over his shoulders like a scarf and took off down the hallway.

Lily rushed after him. “What? No you can’t-“ 

“Yeah, I ‘spose it wouldn’t work as well a second time ‘round, Poppy definitely knew what you were up to.” James mused. “Too bad though, the timeline would line up perfectly, with it happening every month.” 

Lily tilted her head at him, “James, boys don’t get periods.” 

James raised his shoulders. “Sometimes they do.” Surely, James wasn’t that daft. Hadn’t he been listening to them that week when they explained things to them? Although now that Lily thought about it, that had mostly been Sirius and Peter asking, James had been far too busy coming up with impolite puns, of course, he would be utterly clueless. 

“No- that’s you- wait. What do you mean the timelines would match up?” 

James’ eyes turned to saucers. “What? I- nothing.” 

“You know.” Lily gasped. 

“No, I don’t!” James said quickly. “Er- know what?” 

“You do know!” 

“Sorry, know what?” James feigned ignorance, but she had already caught him.

“Christ! Is it just you? No- no way you’re not smart enough to figure it out on your own.” Did Remus tell him? James wasn’t exactly the most trustworthy person, if she were Remus, she certainly wouldn’t have told James. Which meant someone else must have told him. But, well, if James knew there was a secret to be had then that was all but proof of Remus' condition, wasn't it? 

“Hey! I mean- um.” If Sirius discovered it himself he would have definitely told James, Peter might not have, although he did love spilling secrets. 

“So who else? Sirius surely. And Peter?” James schooled away the look of panic on his face, laughing nervously. 

“What are we talking about again?” 

“You know what!” 

“What?”

 “Ugh!” Lily stomped her foot. “You’re the worst.” 

“Am not.” Lily huffed and turned to walk in the opposite direction. James chased after her. 

“So wait, do you know?”

Chapter Text

There was a rotting, broken valve inside Petunia that insisted that everything, everything was a competition. And that Petunia needed to win. 

She didn’t like winning, she needed it. Like a compulsion, an untamed devil whispering in her ear, telling her that she needed to get the best grades, and make the wittiest quips, and have the nicest hair, and be the best. She kept stock of every success and failure like a scoreboard in her mind. It made her exhausting to be around. It made her exhausted to be. Petunia’s untamable and unyielding desire to win was one of those pesky, unpleasant traits that she wielded like a bad odour. 

So, perhaps, that was why she despised bowling: never had the knack for it. Despite her best attempts, the ball never went where she wanted, it infuriated her to no end.

Or perhaps it was the sound the pins made when they clattered to the ground, sharp and strident. Or perhaps it was the garish, confetti carpet, turning brown and dull from years of uncleaned grime. Or maybe it was the stale chips that were always cold and never crunchy. Or possibly the complete lack of sanitation that came from eating such finger foods after sticking one’s hands in dirty, unwashed holes.

More likely, however, it was her complete and utter inability to hit the blasted pins.

Though if she weren't already inclined to dislike the so-called 'sport', the sight of Jack Hanson wrapped around Lottie’s back as he guided her hand over the blue marble bowling ball certainly would have stoked such hatred. Lottie giggled falsely high as she and Jack threw the ball in tandem. Gag . Lottie squealed in delight when the pins were hit right down the middle and jumped into Jack’s arms, kissing him for all his good help. Petunia certainly loathed that.

“Ah, young love.” Jared Lewis said in wistful mockery, as if his own paramour hadn’t just climbed out of his lap moments ago. Isn’t it so great that we’re all paired up now , Lottie had said, as if Petunia and Martin were together, despite Petunia’s frequent rebukes that they were in fact, not.

Bowling had been Martin’s idea. Jared wants to take Priss bowling Saturday , he’d told her, as if it was somehow his and Petunia’s job to act as chaperones on their friends’ dates. Although Petunia could hardly argue otherwise, seeing as that was all they seemed to do as of late. 

Lottie skipped back to their booth, dragging Jack with her. “Did you see that! Perfect strike.” She gushed, nuzzling her cheek into Jack’s shoulder. 

“I told you, you could do it.” Jack replied in his quiet, low drawl. Petunia bit back a snort. 

Lottie’s trist with Jack had gone on far too long, in Petunia's opinion. Usually, Lottie was finished with one boy and on to another in a matter of weeks, acquiring a slew of theatrical tales and amusing stories, but the boys themselves were of little consequence. At least until Jack. Four whole months and Lottie had yet to tire of him. Petunia, however, had grown tired of him rather quickly. It wasn't that there was anything particularly wrong with Jack Hanson. He was perfectly polite and respectable, the kind of boy mothers gushed over. He dotted on Lottie in every waking moment, fawning over her like she was some sort of goddess and he was lucky just to merely share the air she breathed, well, at least he wasn't stupid. But he was, just, so boring. Petunia couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand the way Lottie went along with it. 

“She’s just humouring you Jacky, Lott’s always been a terrific bowler.” Petunia said airly. Jack looked stricken, as though he couldn’t imagine his perfect girlfriend engaging in any sort of act of deceit, but Lottie only offered him a coyish grin.

“Ah yes, well I may have just wanted to feel your arms around me.” Lottie said sweetly, laying it on a little thick, if you asked Petunia, who felt the sudden desire to shrivel up into a worm and drown herself in her fizzy drink. 

“That’s so sweet.” Jared cooed, “If I pretend to be pants at bowling will you put your arms around me too Jack?” He pitched his voice high. 

At least Petunia could take some solace in the fact that her friends took equal pleasure in taking the piss at Jack.

“You are pants at bowling.” Marty elbowed him, Jared's jaw dropped in an affronted gasp and the two of them bickered over Martin's supposed dishonesty until Priscilla returned and sat herself back in Jared's lap, wiping any trace of discontent from Jared’s face. 

When Petunia’s turn came around next, she couldn’t get a good grip on the ball, her fingers felt clammy and sticky, probably from all the soda and chips. She’d managed to hit a modest number of pins the round before but didn't see the outcome going any better the second time around. People were always saying some hogwash about envisioning the strike, she tried to imagine the ball rolling sure and straight and hitting all the pins, as if that would do her. If she just focused, kept her hand steady, the ball would go where she wanted. She swung the ball and followed it with her eyes as it cascaded down the lane, as if her gaze could will it to stay on the path like some sort of magic Petunia did not possess. The ball rolled down the centre, down the centre, less to the centre, and into the gutter. 

Shame spiked in her, quick and hot, rising in her cheeks until her ears burned. It didn’t matter, she knew it didn’t. Martin was muttering something about bad luck and the others had hardly noticed, too wrapped up in their undignified public displays of affection to note Petunia’s successes or wins one way or another. Lottie was leaning against Jack’s shoulder, giggling into his ear, likely having missed Petunia's shot altogether. And Petunia felt suddenly sick.

“I think I’m going to go get some air.” She announced to no one in particular and hurried out of the bowling alley. 

Outside was ghostly quiet compared to the racket inside, but it still wasn’t quiet enough. There was a rushing sound filling Petunia’s ears, her own blood pounding against her flesh, begging to break free. 

Petunia leaned against the rough brick wall, felt it snagging and pulling against her jumper and scratching against her scalp, and tried to take deep breaths. That was what her mother always said, wasn’t it? Deep breaths Petunia. All the good that did her.

Often Petunia would have dreams that were horribly mundane; she’d be at school, or in the car with her mum, or cooking dinner, and everything would be just like the waking world, but slightly off. A world knocked off its axis, not quite right. The wrongness was something intangible, she couldn’t touch or look directly at it until she was awake and remembered what the real world was like. But it sat in her gut: a persistent feeling of dread that this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. 

Petunia felt that same untouchable wrongness now, only she was awake, senses too sharp, earth too solid. The feeling had followed her from her dreams and wouldn’t let her go. 

She realized it was never going to let her go.

Because the thing that was wrong was Petunia. She was the thing that didn’t fit right. 

In another life, there was a version of Petunia who’d gotten a letter at eleven. And another version of Petunia who let Andy Robinson kiss her last summer. And a version of Petunia who had been able to knock down bowling pins, who was inside the bowling alley right now laughing with her friends, who smiled at Lottie and Jack’s locked hands instead of hiding outside whilst trying pathetically not to choke on her own breath. And Petunia hated every one of them. Her pathetic and unquenchable envy so deep that it extended to other versions of herself she'd invented.

The door to the alley swung open, and Martin stepped into the night.

“Hey, you alright?” Martin leaned against the wall next to her. 

“I’m fine- I- I’ll be in in a moment.” Martin pulled out a cigarette and lit it, holding it out for Petunia. She inhaled deeply until her lungs burned in a way a dream never would, she gasped as the smoke left her. 

Petunia inhaled again and let out a slow breath this time, trying to match her heartbeat to it. “I’m an idiot aren’t I?” 

“You? Hardly. You’re actually a bit of a swot.” 

Petunia’s laugh was helpless, but short. “I just- do you think it’ll be like this forever?” 

“Well, I’m not a psychic, but if I had to guess I’d say, no- probably not.” Of course, Martin was right. Petunia was catastrophizing, like always. She could never get a hold of herself, always making every little thing into a drama. If only she could act like a normal person for once in her fucking life.

“I mean, odds are you’re bound to improve if you just keep at it. It’s all in the wrist you know.” Martin mumbled around his own cigarette. Petunia glared at him. “Oh, were we not talking about your shit bowling?”

“I’m not shit at bowling.” 

“You are. S’all right though.” It was not all right. It was the furthest from all right. “Besides, if you really up in a tiz about it you could always ask Charlotte to give you a hand. I hear a few pointers go a long way.” Petunia hated him. She fucking hated him. 

“That’s not- I don’t- you aren’t funny.” 

“I’m hilarious, actually.”

“You aren’t.” Petunia’s cigarette burnt to the filter and she stuffed it out against the brick. Martin handed her another wordlessly. 

“You should be nicer to me, or I might tire of letting you smoke all my fags.” Martin said and Petunia turned to blow smoke in his face. 

Martin made things easier. Having another person to talk to, a place to rest her voice rather than letting it rattle around in her own head, made her feel slightly less insane. But it also made everything more real. She wasn’t just a girl anymore, who perhaps thought her friend was prettier than was proper to think of a friend. When she was younger, she’d been so sure that if she just tried hard enough, it would go away, outgrown like all her other bad habits. But naming it, talking about it, gave it permanence. This was who she was, and it wasn’t going to go away. 

Petunia didn’t know what to do with that. 

“I just-” She exhaled. “Wish I could be normal.” 

“You mean having a panic outside the Family Bowl after mishandling balls isn’t normal?” Petunia choked on smoke.

“I mean well, just- I don’t know, I think about what my I thought my life would be, marriage a-and a family, and I don’t think I’ll ever- don’t you ever want that?”

Martin shrugged. “I dunno, sounds terribly boring if you ask me. And I mean, have you met a child? They’re disgusting. Do you really want all that?”

Petunia liked children. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you and I can always get hitched, easy solution.” 

Petunia snorted. “Oh wonderful, and what shall we do in our marital bed? Play Monopoly?” 

“Hey, I like Monopoly.”

“I don’t want a sham marriage, Marty.” 

“Oh come on now, I think I’d make a fair husband.”

“No offence, but you repulse me.” 

“Rude.” 

“Oh really? Do you want to have sex with me?” 

Marty sputtered, “I’d rather cut off my own prick.” 

“See, that was rude.” Petunia slapped him on the shoulder.

“It’s not just us you know?" Martin said after a moment. "There’s people out there like us and, we’re almost done, we’ll get out of this place and go somewhere where we don’t have to hide. We’ll get a flat in London or go to San Francisco.” 

“San Francisco?” 

“I don’t know. Somewhere. And when we get there, all of this won't matter anymore." Petunia didn't quite belive him, but it was a nice dream.

They didn’t go back to the bowling alley. Instead wandering through the streets of Cokeworth until they made it back to Petunia's house. It was only when they got there did they realise they weren’t wearing their own shoes and begged Petunia's mum to drive them back down to the alley to make the swap, and give Marty a ride home, while she was at it.

Petunia dreamt of bowling. This time she knew it really was a dream, the alley was packed with strangers that disappeared when Petunia looked at them too closely, and Petunia’s bowling ball never seemed to stick to a singular colour, changing from red to blue to purple but also somehow being no colour at all. 

The green bowling ball was light in her hand, she must have gotten stronger, but strength wouldn't make the ball roll straight. But then Lottie was at her back, pressing delicate hands into her shoulders. “You just have to relax.” Lottie tisked, her hands sliding down Petunia’s back and over the hitch of her waist, pressing featherlight into her hips. How was Petunia ever expected to relax with Lottie touching her like that? It took all her focus to keep from dropping the bowling ball. Petunia was just tall enough that Lottie could slot her chin over her shoulder. A warm breath washed over the side of Petunia’s cheek, tickling her ear and sending lightning down her spine. Lottie's hand swept Petunia’s hair off to one side, her lips ghosting the shell of her ear, and Petunia couldn't help the way her head fell back, the way her eyes closed. Her lips pressed gently into the curve of Petunia's neck, sucked at the spot until Petunia moaned. Petunia's hands covered Lottie's, sliding between her fingers, bowling ball long forgotten, as she leaned into Lottie's touch, as she- 

Petunia woke up with a jolt. She felt sick. For all her longing, the thought of thinking of her friend that way felt like a hot iron in her throat. Lottie wouldn't ever forgive her if she knew the kind of thoughts Petunia was having, wouldn't be able to look at her, which was more than Petunia deserved. Petunia was Lottie's friend, and she trusted Petunia, and here Petunia was having dirty, deplorable dreams about her. 

The thought of returning to sleep was unbearable but being awake was nearly as bad, she squeezed her eyes shut and wished she’d stop existing, stop thinking. When her prayers went unanswered she got up and swallowed two drops of the dreamless sleep potion that Lily had given her and hid under the covers of her bed like a child hiding from a monster. 

…

Petunia stomped her foot on the grass. “Come out you old bat!” She yelled at the ground, which shook and rattled until it sunk in on itself. Erdy popped out of his hole with a scowl on his face. 

“Stop stompin’ you witch!” Eddy’s grumbled.

“I brought gifts.” Petunia said brightly, pulling a handful of seeds from her pocket and holding them out to Erdy. He grabbed her hand eagerly and began rifling through the seeds. 

“What’s this?” He held up a little sunflower seed. 

“Sunflower?” 

“No, no, absolutely not! Get rid of it! Set it on fire?” 

“What? Why? Don’t you like sunflowers?” 

“It’ll ruin the whole garden!” Erdy snatched several more seeds from Petunia’s hands and stuffed them into the safety of his own pocket. He then insisted that Petunia return to her ‘giant box’ to dispose of the sunflower seeds before he allowed her to sit in the yard. 

Erdy took care explaining each of the seeds to Petunia and showing her where and how to plant each of them. It was going to be a good harvest season. The weather had been wet but not too cold, which would shape up for an excellent harvest. Of course, with Erdy, the garden needn't rely on good weather alone. 

Erdy patted the ground flat on top of where he'd planted the new seeds then leaned into the ground until a sprouting erupted, growing and shaking into a hearty green bush that grew perfectly round tomatoes, changing from green to red before Petunia’s eyes. 

Petunia plucked one of the tomatoes and inspected it mildly before popping it in her mouth. It burst open, sickly sweet and sour.

“A bit too sweet.”  

“It is not!” Erdy protested. “‘Matos are supposed to be sweet.” He picked one hastily and swallowed it, pausing to wrinkle his nose. “Yeah, alright, itsa bit too sweet.” Still, Petunia picked them and made them into a jammy tomato chutney that she spread on toast. Erdy refused to come into the house, or the 'tree carcass' as he so lovingly called it, so they sat out on the porch eating their toasties. The lawn had gone a bit lush and wild. Petunia kept waiting for one of Erdy’s elusive children to pop up from their burrow, but they had yet to. ‘Not ready’ Erdy had insisted, but Petunia wondered if he was just a bit overprotective of them. 

“Erdy?” Petunia mused. “Where is your childrens’ mother?” Petunia had never heard Erdy mention any other gnomes, besides his children. 

“What’s a mother?” Erdy asked, surprising Petunia. Perhaps he was making a joke, he was rather fond of them, but he sounded all too earnest.

“It’s um- where did your children come from?” 

“Where all babies come from, ‘course.” Petunia had the sneaking suspicion that the two of them perhaps had different ideas of what that was.

“Right, of course, which is?” 

“ Seeds . Blimey, don’t they teach you nothin’ at the sku-ool?” 

“Right, yes of course.” Petunia hesitated. “Erdy. Did your children sprout from seeds?” 

“Duh.” 

“And- it’s just you? You’re the only one they’ve got?” 

Erdy made a face. “‘Ey now, I’m more than enough.” Petunia couldn't protest. Well, she couldn't say sop one way or the other, seeing as she had never met any of Erdy’s children, but she guessed they were happy, lest they would have all run off.

“...Tuney?" Erdy said after a while. "Do human babies not grow from seeds?” Petunia cringed as she explained the details of human reproduction to Erdy, who responded first in disbelief, then abject horror. 

“Haven’t you ever seen two rabbits or-?” 

“I thought they were just tusslin’” Petunia let out a loud laugh. Erdy must be having a horrible day, learning about such disturbing truths of the universe. 

“Do you ever get lonely? By yourself?” 

“‘M not alone. I’ve got the ‘ittle ones, and the marmots, an’ the bumbles, an’ you stinkin’ humans of course, if anything, I could do witha moment’s peace.” Erdy exclaimed. The garden was indeed lively. And Erdy hardly seemed discontent. Petunia supposed one could be rather satisfied with such a life. Days filled in the garden with hands in the dirt, and rich berry pies in the oven. One could happily pass their days in the quiet solitude of a little home filled with plenty of books to pass the time sunbathing by the window, entertained by the birds and bowtruckles and the other animals of the forest. Like a fairytale princess. Like a spinster witch. Living out their days in the margins of society, where the open forest made the barrier between the magical and muggle world grow thin. 

Maybe Petunia could be happy like that. With her garden and her books and her friends. Maybe she didn’t need a grand love. Or a house with a white fence and a family to call her own. 

…

It wasn’t so much that Petunia had been avoiding Lottie, really, she’d only turned down one set of plans, alright maybe two. But that wasn’t related at all, Petunia really did need to study for her chemistry exam, just like she really did have a debate competition the next friday when Lottie wanted to go dancing. If Petunia had also started taking different routes from class and sat on the other side of the lunch table that was merely coincidence. Besides, it was good for Petunia to spread her wings, spend time with her other friends, lest she wouldn’t have them anymore. She couldn’t spend all her time attached to Lottie’s hip. And perhaps if she had come off a little frigid when Lottie spoke to her, well, Petunia was a frigid person, wasn’t she? It wasn’t that even the mere thought of Lottie touching her, or looking at her, filled her with a foul, stomach twisting feeling that made her want to expel her guts from her body and disintegrate to ash. 

If the feeling of Lottie’s arms wrapped around Petunia’s shoulder as she whined “ugh, I feel like I haven’t seen you at all lately.” made Petunia feel like she was about to burst into flames, that was irrelevant.

Petunia shrugged away. “I see you every day.” 

Lottie frowned. “ I know. But you’re always- I miss you.” Flames. Fire. Petunia was burning, flesh melting to bone. 

“Come to mine tonight?” And Petunia absolutely didn’t want to do that. She wanted to go home and perhaps bury herself in the backyard by the gnome holes. 

The discontent must have shown on Petunia’s face because Lottie let out an exaggerated sigh. “Pleease.” 

“Alright.” 

…

Petunia was in a hell of her own creation. Perhaps that was the thing about hell, that made it really horrible: the knowledge that it was all your own doing. Petunia worked quickly, with nimble fingers, coming through Lottie’s hair and separating it into silky black sections, careful not to let her knuckles or finger tips brush against any of Lottie’s exposed skin. 

“…a bit awkward isn’t it.” Lottie was complaining about Jack, or bragging, Petunia couldn’t quite tell, a bit of both. Something about the way she would get a dry spot around her mouth from too much snogging. “And you know how boys get when they’re snogging.” 

“Not really.” Petunia said, clicking the foam pink roller into place on Lottie’s skull, and reaching for another one. 

Lottie tilted her head back, looking at Petunia, Petunia wished she wouldn’t “Really? You’ve never?” Petunia shook her head, annoyed, Lottie knew this.

“But what about Martin?” 

“What about Martin?” 

“Surly the two of you have-“

Petunia shook her head again and hummed. Maybe she should have lied. For Marty’s sake. But it wasn't as though they were running some sort of farce. People just had the tendency to to assume, and usually, Petunia was keen on letting them. 

“ Really?” Lottie’s voice held far too much excitement. “Well why on earth not?”

“We’re just friends, Lot.” 

“Sure, sure you are.” Lottie snickered, and Petunia started on another roller, pulling Lottie’s hair tight, wouldn’t want it falling loose. 

“We are.” 

“Well you should kiss him anyway.” Petunia snorted. Marty had kissed lots of people. Girls, mostly, but not only. Petunia was sure if she asked he’d humour her on the subject, maybe she’d even like it, after all, lips were lips. But she certainly wasn’t going to do it to prove something to Lottie. 

“Oh come on. It’s about time you kissed someone isn’t it.” Lottie goaded, and it sparked in Petunia. She didn’t know why Lottie cared so much. All her poking and prodding, trying to set Petunia up with someone, Petunia didn’t understand it. 

 Even if she did find someone to snog, she was sure Lottie would just find something new to bother Petunia about. Lottie would never admit it, but she enjoyed needling Petunia far more than she actually cared about the successess of Petunia’s love life.

“I dunno Lot, with the way you describe it it sounds rather repulsive.” Petunia said lightly and snapped another roller into place. She was good at playing the game. Good at pretending, giving Lottie just enough that she stay entertained, giving just enough of herself that it didn’t feel like a lie. Half truths and words given with a hint of a smile, softening the blow and making it all seem like good fun. 

“Oh shut- it’s not. You only think that because you’ve never tried it.” Petunia didn’t think that at all. She did think that the way Lottie described her and Jack’s escapades were vile, but it wasn’t kissing itself that Petunia took issue with. 

“Why do you care?” The words came out quickly, snappish: a broken rule. Never point out the game. 

“I don’t.” Lottie scoffed. “I just think- you might like it, if you tried it.” 

Petunia rolled her eyes, not that Lottie could see it. “That hardly seems likely.” 

“Oh come on.” Lottie laughed, then turned to face her. Petunia couldn’t hide behind her back anymore, there was nowhere to look but Lottie’s penny brown eyes. Eyes that were sparkling at her, then rolling. “Here, I’ll show you.” And Petunia couldn’t have begun to fathom what that meant, couldn’t have ever deciphered that particular message even if she had been given a thousand years to translate. 

But that was irrelevant. Everything was irrelevant. Because Lottie surged forward and pressed her lips to Petunia’s, firm and quick as lightning, pulling back so quickly that Petunia thought she might have hallucinated it. But she couldn't've, because Lottie was blinking at her quite expectantly.  

“Well?” 

Well…

The world was tilted again. But Petunia wasn’t dreaming. She could feel her heart in her chest, beating against its cage, pounding to escape. In her dreams, Lottie didn’t look at her like that. Like they were still playing the game. And they were, weren’t they? Because of course Lottie would kiss her. Of course she fucking would. Because it was a game, to Lottie. See how much we can rile Petunia up, see how much we can poke and prod and see how long it will take for her to break, because both of them knew something was wrong with her, and if Lottie pushed hard enough eventually she would come undone. 

A sick, hot rage filled her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to grab hold of Lottie’s hair and yank it straight out of her head. Hurt her like she was hurting Petunia. She wanted to vomit up all of her hurt and anger and give it to Lottie, make her look at it. Don’t you care? Don’t you see what you’re doing to me? Is this what you wanted? 

But then Lottie would win. 

“Did you like it?” 

Did she like it? What was there to like? Petunia felt hysterical. It wasn’t like it was even a real kiss. Just the press of two lips, like something a mother would give a child. Did Lottie really think that would be enough? To split Petunia open and leave her guts exposed and dying. It would take more than that. 

“I’m- not sure.” 

“Oh.” The sharp determination melted off Lottie’s face, like she knew Petunia had won. And it should have made Petunia feel good but it only made her feel sicker. “Well, alright, maybe-“ Petunia couldn’t bear Lottie’s stuttering, she surged forward, pressing her lips clumsily to Lottie’s. It wouldn’t be quick. Petunia wanted her to feel it. Her hand came up to grip Lottie’s wrists, steadying them both, holding her in place as Petunia kissed her. 

Is this what you wanted? 

Petunia pulled away, but her vice grip on Lottie remained. Lottie didn’t speak, or scream or shout, or push Petunia away, or do any of the things she ought to have done. Her chest rose and fell in heavy breaths, eyes blown wide: speechless. Good. Great. For once Lottie could be the one who felt-

Lottie pushed up and their lips connected, not quick, not gentle. And the world came completely off its axis, not just tilted, free falling. Falling and falling and falling. Petunia was never going to win the game. Her demise had been inevitable from the start. Because Petunia would always yield. Even when they fought, even when Petunia had the upper hand, she would always give herself over in the end. Lottie could have anything she wanted. She could have Petunia's anger, and her hurt, and her shame. Petunia would give it over willingly, bare her neck to her. And if Lottie ruined her, Petunia would gladly be ruined. 

Petunia scrambled to keep her balance as Lottie pushed herself into Petunia’s lap. She tasted like sickly sweet fake strawberry, and Petunia wanted to drown herself in it. Petunia’s hands came around the backs of Lottie’s knees, pulling her closer, pushing into her mouth as Lottie bared down on her, meeting her with equal ferocity. 

It didn’t feel anything like a dream, her skin felt as though it had been set alight. Lottie suckled at Petunia’s bottom lip, running her teeth over it, pulling at it until they were a sliver apart, cold noses and warm foreheads connecting them. Lottie giggled, face split wide in an untamable smile. Petunia was grinning too. She couldn’t stop herself, she felt giddy, she felt high. Her hands slid up to slot into the dip of Lottie’s waist, thumbs running smoothly over the curve of her stomach, and Petunia kissed her again. 

It felt like magic. 

Chapter Text

May was stickily hot. Warmer than the year before, and the year before that if the older students were to be believed. And Lily was certainly inclined to with the way the burning air clung to her hair and her skin, sinking into her blood and threatening to boil her through and through. Even with the shady cover of the veranda Lily felt like she was melting in the most literal sense. And the castle provided no relief either: cooling charms were fickle and fleeting, and to be quite honest none of her dorm mates had quite mastered them, not even Marlene. Lily shoved the sleeves of her robes up to her elbows, though that only seemed to further expose her to the humid air. Her legs were hot and damp beneath her robes, what she wouldn’t give for a pair of shorts. 

“Leventus.” Severus said sternly, with his gaze fixed on an old charms textbook that he had transfigured into a long, skinny plank. It went unmoving under Severus' wand, he huffed and tried again, enunciating even more. “Leventus.” He said to no avail. Severus’ had a knack for home-brewed spells, but the heatwave seemed to be putting a wrench in his concentration. 

While Severus tinkered with his frankensteined spell, Lily tried, but mostly failed, to enjoy the story of Holden Caulfield, she couldn’t focus with the sweat dripping down her back, and the book provided much better use as a means to fan herself, at least until Severus could get his spell working. 

Lily pulled her knees up to her chest, away from the plank. “You better not set a twister loose in the courtyard.” Severus rolled his eyes, glaring up at her from his hunched position. 

“Leventus.” He said one last time,  the plank sprang to life and began spinning under his wand. He guided it above them, then broke his wand away, the plank continued spinning in place, gusting them with a welcome breeze, their very own ceilingless fan. Severus face stretched into a smug grin. “Have you no faith in me?” 

Cool wind hit her face as Lily leaned back against the stone wall with a sigh of relief. “Who needs faith when I have results?” Severus stretched his legs out across from her and they settled into a peaceful quiet. 

The courtyard was far from peaceful however. Nearly every student, and even the staff, had found themselves outside that day. Some had secured their own raised archways like Severus and Lily, while others lazed about the grass, or engaged in some sort of pick up game involving enchanted (likely stolen) serving trays and a bludger that looked to be a mix between a game of dodgeball and badminton. How anyone could engage in any sort of physical activity on a day like this was beyond Lily.

“Oi, Evans!” Lily’s moment of serenity was shattered by the familiar lilt of James Potters’ voice shouting at her down the corridor. His arms were slung around Peter, Sirius and Remus, the four of them walking, no skipping, in step with each other. It was really rather rude of them, taking up the entire pathway like that.

“We’re going down to the lake to catch grindylow, keen to join?” James bit his lip and grinned at her, raising his eyebrows up and down. And Lily- Lily had to admit, the thought of the Black Lake was rather heavenly one at the moment: Just dipping her feet in, or hell maybe dive straight into the cool relief of the glistening water. But  the Black Lake was also full of all sorts of nasty creatures, like grindylow. They were ornery, vicious creatures, why would anyone want to catch the? And why on earth did James think she of all people would be inclined to such foolish nonsense? James, seemed to be under the impression that they were friends now. Probably because of the incident with Rosier. And there was the fact that he likely suspected her of knowing Remus’ secret. Not that he'd confronted her about it. Presumably keeping his suspension to humself, seeing as Remus hadn't said anything either. But whatever the reason, he'd been much friendlier to her as of late, a behavior that did nothing to mitigate his utter intolerablity. 

In any case, she had no interest in splashing around in a dirty lake in a hunt for belligerent animals, “Sorry, um, no thank you?” 

“I know it sounds mad, but they’re actually quite friendly when you get to know ‘em.” Remus added cheerfully, a rarity. Unlike her he must have actually been enjoying the current weather. Lunatic.  

“I’ll take your word for it, Rem.” 

James rolled his eyes. “Oh come on Lils, it’ll be loads of fun. I’ll even let you bring Snivy here.” He drawled, as if it was a most tremendous favour that he was generously granting her. A spot of dread spread throughout her, the two years since they started school had done nothing to subside the feud between the two of them. Lily had hoped either one of them would have matured by now, but they only seemed to be getting worse. She could see the cutting response on Severus' lips before he'd even spoke. 

“As if I’d ever want to spend my leisure time with you indignant imbeciles.”

James frowned, but recovered quickly. “Fine, just you then. What do you say, Red?” 

“She already said no, you absolute idiot. Tell me, do you have any thoughts in that inflated head of yours, or just incoherent rattling?” Severus spat and James’ eyes made a series of squinting motions. 

James opened his mouth, but Sirius beat him to it. “Ignore him Jamie, he can’t help being a miserable prat, it’s poor breeding.”

Sirius’ eyes caught venomously on Severus from above his upturned nose, James choked on a laugh. Severus’ jaw went rigid, Lily felt herself go hot. Hotter than she was already, a seeming impossibility.

Sirius was an knob. She’d learned to expect his frequent bouts of snobbery and pureblood idiosyncrasies, but never anything so blatantly vile. He was always banging on about how much he detested his pureblood family and their backwards ideals, even if he did tend to be presumptuous and haughty. And yet...

Remus shrugged out from under Sirius' arm, a deep frown settled in on his face, whilst Sirius' own smile twisted to confusion as he realized that Remus and Lily (and Severus, though that was likely unbothersome) were both silently staring at him. "What?"

“What the hell, Sirius?” Remus blurted out, glaring at the other boy.

"Wha- oh I didn't mean it like that." Sirius scoffed airily and shaking his head.  

"Oh? Then how did you mean it then?" 

"I don't-it's Snivellus." 

"So? That doesn't bloody make it okay." 

“What?” Sirius blinked in confusion, then his eyes went rigid. “You’re defending Snivellus?” 

“Like I need Loony Lupin defending me.” Severus spat back. 

“Severus!” Lily hissed at him, none of this was Remus' fault. 

“I’m going back to the tower.” Remus mumbled and turned to walk back the other way. 

“Wait! Remus!” Sirius quickly ran after him. 

The remaining four were stalled for a moment of silence, until Peter put a hand on James’ shoulder. “We should probably-“ 

“Yeah, um, sorry Evans.” James said and the two boys quickly departed. Lily wished desperately she could turn back time and prevent the entire interaction from ever happening. 

“Good riddance.” Severus mumbled under his breath. 

“Seriously?” 

“What?”

“Remus is my friend.” Lily could feel the same old argument coming up again, Sirius and James were pompous asses, but that didn’t give Severus the right to take it out on Remus as he so often was inclined to.  

“Apparently, they’re all your friends, from how it sounded.” Severus responded bitterly. 

“Yes, well- and?” 

“And- Potter and Black are wretched miscreants. Did you not hear them?” Of course did, but well-

“You started it, James was being friendly.” 

Severus let out a incredulous laugh. “He was not. James Potter is a duplicitous roach, I never expected you to be so foolish as to fall for it.” 

Lily clenched her teeth. She wasn’t falling for anything. “I’m not! I just think we could all do better to try and get along.” 

“Oh really? Is that what you were doing when you pulled that little prank on Rosier?” 

“That’s different.” Sirius didn’t mean it. Sirius didn’t mean it. Sirius couldn’t mean it. 

“It’s really not, Lily. The fact that you can’t see that is proof enough that you’ve fallen into the Potter vortex.” It wasn't the same at all. If Rosier had his way, Lily and Mary wouldn't have been allowed to go to school at all. Sirius was nothing like that. An idiot, yes, but he didn't hate muggle-borns. And besides, Remus was certain to set him straight, he didn't put up with his friends spreading supremacist filth. Not like-

“And what about you?" Lily shouted. "Avery and Rosier go around spewing all sorts of rubbish about muggles and halfbloods and you don’t say anything.” 

“That’s-you have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“I know you shouldn’t let them treat you like that, let anyone treat you like that.” Severus had never let anyone get away with mistreating him, not until Slytherin, it made her blood boil.

Severus let out a callous laugh. “I don’t let them, apologies for not partaking in your Gryffindor fantasy where all problems can be solved with a bullheaded prank.” 

“That’s not-“ The wooden plank came crashing down from the sky, hitting the bench and splintering into peices between them. They both yelped. 

“Dammit, Lily.” Severus dropped his head back against the wall, eyes squeezing shut. 

Lily didn't stay long. 

When Remus and Sirius fought, it had a way of becoming everyone in Gryffindor Tower’s problem. They didn’t fight often, but when they did it was loud, so incredibly loud. Remus was a bit like a snapping turtle, timid and quiet until properly coaxed out of his shell, and then he was brutal and direct, didn't hold back, least of all to spare Sirius’ feelings. And Sirius, was a self sustaining inferno of energy that burned hot and venomous when provoked. Lily tried her best to ignore them and their squabbling, but even from the girls’ dormitory she was forced to hear the constant rotation of slamming doors. 

And then, like always, the fight fizzled out. Sirius and Remus returned to breakfast the next day as though nothing had ever happened, to the strong annoyance of the rest of Gryffindor, who had been forced to act as audience to their incessant squabbling the night before. Remus must have set Sirius straight. Which was… good. Someone certainly needed to. 

…

The spring heat brought a new infestation of gnomes to the grounds of Hogwarts. Professor Sprout delighted at the opportunity to demonstrate degnoming to the second-year’s and ushered the joint Gryffindor-Ravenclaw class out to the gardens.

Lily buzzed with excitement over the opportunity to finally see a real gnome. Of course, she had met Erdy, but like she’d explained to Petunia, Erdy must have been a different species, an elf or hobgoblin, or at least a different variety of gnome. She knew it was a bit smug of her, but she was excited to finally be able to prove herself right. 

Professor Sprout took great care explaining the process of degnoming to the class, outfitting them each with a pair of thick dragon hide gloves to protect them from the gnome’s razor sharp teeth. But when Professor Sprout stomped exuberantly at the ground Lily began feeling a sort of sickly dread.

A gnome popped out. A gnome that looked just like Erdy. With his greenish skin and scraggly beard, same pointed ears and blackened eyes sitting in deep, dirt caked sockets. 

Petunia was right. 

Petunia had been right the whole time and Lily hadn’t listened. Because there was no way, no way her professor would be so cruel. Professor Sprout was a sweet, albeit strict, kindly woman. She cared tenderly for her plants and her students and- Professor Sprout narrated as she snatched the panicking gnome by the ankles, swinging him once, then twice, then chucking him as far down the hillside as she could manage. 

Lily felt truly sick now, as Professor Sprout snatched another gnome from the hole. The gnome shouted. “Lemmego!” But Professor Sprout didn’t. Didn’t even seem to hear him as she swung her arm back.  

“Wait!” Lily cried desperately, drawing every eye on the hillside. “Stop! You can’t just toss them!” Professor Sprout lowered her hand, but held a tight grip on the gnome, he squirmed horribly in attempts to retch himself from her grip. 

“Miss Evans, I promise they aren’t as human as they look.” Professor Sprout said gently. “But removing pests is not for the faint of heart, if you or anyone else would like to go wait in the greenhouse there are fanged geraniums that need trimming.” There was a spattering of snickers from the students around her.

“They’re not pests- they’re people!” She exclaimed wildly, knowing how foolish she must sound. Even the other Gryffindors were laughing at her, the familiar chirp of Sirius' mean snicker filling her ears. The Ravenclaws whispered snidely behind her. What is Evans on about now? And of course she’d get all twisted up about a gnome. Lily closed her eyes and tried to shut her ears too. “Please.” She met Professor Sprout’s eyes desperately. “Just let me speak to them.” Talk to the gnomes? What a muggle. Oh, I want to see this. 

Professor Sprout exhaled slowly, and dropped the gnome in her hand, which scrambled back to its burrow. “Oh alright, give it a go.” Lily scrambled to the gnome hole and fell to her knees, trying to ignore the boisterous laughter behind her. 

“Hello?” She said into the hole. “Please come out.” She tried to keep her voice gentle through the desperate panic she felt. “I won’t hurt you.” Lily waited, and waited, until finally, the top of a gnome head peaked out of the hole.

“Monster!” The gnome quivered at her, eyes red with tears. He had a smooth face, younger than Erdy, with a short trimmed beard and bright green eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I know it must seem that way. I promise I won’t hurt you though. My name’s Lily.” The gnome didn’t ease his hardened glare. “I’m sorry about your friend.” 

“You witches are always comin’ and terr-zin’ us. We didn’ do nothin!” The gnome spat.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lily said. “My professor says you’re mucking up her garden.” 

The gnome shook his head. “The pennyroyal roots are terrible! They get all tangled in our burrows. They halfta go!” 

“Professor?” Professor Sprout was gaping at Lily, eyes wide with shock, she shook her head mildly as if to right herself. 

“I-er-I’m not removing the pennyroyals, they provide important protections to the school.” She said, sounding slightly dazed.

“Well ‘den were gonna keep rippin em out!” The gnome glared at Professor Sprout. 

“These pennyroyals have been here for centuries, I will not tolerate pests moving in and destroying them.” Professor Sprout glowered. 

Lily looked between the two parties. “Why did you decide to burrow here if there were inhospitable plants?” 

The gnome snorted. “Erry where we go we get thrown out! People are always comin’ and rippin’ up our gardens till there’s nowhere for us to go but this stupid pennyroyal garden.” They must have traveled up from Hogsmeade. Perhaps Lily could write a notice to the village, asking them not to disturb the garden gnomes. Or send them to a muggle village, but there wasn’t one for miles and miles. It seemed unfair to ask the gnomes to move again, but Professor Sprout was right, what right did they have to come in and rip up her plants?  

Lily tried to spot the other gnome where he'd been thrown down the hillside, but she couldn't spot him amongst the green of the the field and the forest. The forest! The idea came to her and she said excitedly, “There’s a forest nearby, wizards are forbidden from going in it, what if you moved your burrow there? Then no one would bother you.” The gnome glared at her then disappeared back into its hole. “No! Wait!” 

For a moment, no one moved, no one said a word, frozen in shock. 

Finally, the gnome popped back out. “Fine. We’ll move. But only in exchange for fifty henbane seeds. I know she has ‘em.” The gnome’s eyes narrowed at Professor Sprout. 

“Why?” Henbane was used in a tonic to reduce motion sickness for Quidditch players, Lily couldn’t see what a gnome would want with it. 

“I like henbane.” The gnome said simply.

“Oh, um- Professor?” 

“Yes- er- well that would be- alright. I suppose.” Professor Sprout stuttered as she rushed back inside the greenhouse and returned with a handful of seeds, the gnome snatched them hastily. “Right, off you go then.” The gnome gave her one last glare and disappeared back in his hole. Lily wondered if it might be a trick, and the gnomes wouldn’t leave after all, but there was a rumbling in the ground and then the rumbling began to move in the direction of the forest. Lily dusted off the skirt of her robe as she stood, refusing to make eye contact with any of the other students. 

“Miss Evans.” Sprout said sternly and Lily’s shoulders snapped back. “Never, in my decades as an herbiologist, have I ever seen- have I ever thought to- that was most impressive my dear.” She settled on. 

“Oh-well, thank you.”

“Well, I suppose the lessons’ over then.” Professor Sprout said, still half dazed. “Off with you all.” 

Lily got back to her feet, dusting the dirt of her robes as the other students excitedly dispersed, eager to enjoy their early release.

“Well that’s one way to get out of class!” Mary patted Lily across the back excitedly. But Lily didn’t feel excited, she felt… odd. She was pleased about helping the gnomes, but a strong disquiet had crept inside her. Disturbed. She didn’t have another word for it. How could wizards have gone all this time without knowing that gnomes were sentient?  

“I didn’t know gnomes could talk!” Pandora squealed with delight. “I hope they like the forest, I’ll have to visit them soon!” Pandora said merrily, and wasn’t she upset? Shouldn’t she be? Shouldn’t they all be? Wizards have been horribly mistreating the gnomes for… ever, treating them like they were mere animals. But Pandora didn’t seem horrified at all, merely just pleased to know the truth.  

“Dora…I just promised them they wouldn’t be bothered in the forest.” 

“But surely they won’t mind if we’re friendly.” Lily frowned.

“Blimey Evans, how on earth did you do that? My mum always gets gnomes and they’re never agreeable!” James asked.

“I just talked to them.” She shrugged. “If you’re nice to people they’re usually nice back.” 

“But gnomes aren’t- they’re beasts, not people.” Peter said. But that wasn’t true, was it? After all, werewolves were considered beasts, at least by Ministry standards, and they were still people. 

“Just because wizards say someone’s a beast doesn’t mean they are. I’d think you lot would all know that.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius snapped, an offended tilt to his tone. 

“It means I’d think you four would know better than to think just because someone is considered a beast by wizard standards doesn’t mean they aren’t a person.” Perhaps that let on too much that Lily knew Remus' secret, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care at the moment. The three boys knew, anyway. So what reason did she and Mary have to pretend they didn't.  

“Oh and why’s that?” Sirius scoffed, baiting her. Though she couldn’t quite say with Pandora standing beside her, which of course Sirius knew.

“Because- you know why?” Lily met Remus’ eyes, she felt guilty. And angry. Guilty that she hadn’t confessed to Remus that she and Mary knew he was a werewolf, but also angry, because clearly Remus had trusted the others to harbor his secret and not them. Yes, they were his roommates, but Lily liked to think that she and Remus were just as close. And Lily was loads more responsible than the lot of them, if anything, she should have been the one Remus trusted with his secret, not them. 

“Actually, I haven’t the faintest idea?” Sirius was an excellent liar, or at least he would be, if Lily didn’t know he were lying. 

“Oh for Christ’s sake, we know!” Mary blurted out, the words exploding out of her like a burst dam. 

“You told them?” Remus' gaze cut quick to Pandora, his voice full of heat and something that sounded a bit like betrayal.

Pandora, to her credit, looked absolutely shocked. “No! Remus I would never-“ 

“Wait, you knew?” Mary gaped at Pandora, who nodded, eyes stuck somewhere in the distnace.

“For how long?”

“Since last spring.” Pandora’s eyes flicked sideways to meet James. 

This whole time. Pandora had known the whole time. All the instances where she had insisted that Remus was fine, shooting down Lily and Mary’s theorizing and worrying, she’d known the whole time. She’d been protecting Remus from them. Because she knew. All those months, letting Mary and Lily worry and.. and lying to them. 

“Last spring?” Mary gasped. 

“And you didn’t tell us?” Lily thought, well Lily didn’t know what she thought, other than that Pandora wasn’t a liar, wasn’t one to keep secrets.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell!” Pandora exclaimed, voice pitched even higher than normal. 

They’d all known. Every last one of them. Pandora wasn’t even that close with Remus, not like Lily was, or even Mary. But she’d still known. All of them. Had James told her? All those times they’d gone sneaking off to the forbidden forest, is that what they’d been doing? Investigating Remus. Or had Remus told her himself? Trusted everyone with his secret except her? A bitter anger prickled inside her.

“Wait, so all of you knew, everyone but us. Remu-“ 

“Everyone shut up!” Peter hissed. “We shouldn’t talk about this here.” He explained, corralling them all back to the tower, not stopping until they had all been shoved into the privacy of the boys' dorm. There was a stale silence, no one willing to make the first sound.

“So it’s true then? You’re a werewolf?” Lily asked, it wasn’t a question. She knew, Mary knew, apparently everyone else already knew. But she still needed to hear the confirmation. 

Remus’ voice was tight and strained. “You can’t tell anyone. Please you can’t- nobody can know.” He said in a rush. He was scared of them, scared of her. That she might…

“I’m not going to tell anyone.” 

“We would never, Loops.” Mary said. 

“You can’t. If people find out I’ll have to- I’ll have to leave-and.” Remus’ voice cracked, Lily stepped forward but James beat her to it.

“Remus, mate, it’s alright. They’re not going to tell anyone.” He said, grabbing Remus by the shoulders to steady him.  

Sirius leaned against a bed post, glaring daggers into Lily and Mary. “They better not, ‘cause if they do I’ll kill ‘em.” 

“Merlin! Sirius!” Peter exclaimed. 

“We’re not going to tell anyone.” Mary said. Lily supposed it might be admirable, the way Sirius was glaring at them as though he really did mean to threaten them on Remus’ behalf, if it weren’t so misplaced, that was. 

“Really? Do you swear it? On your life.” Sirius had never looked so… well, serious, about anything. 

“Yes, yes. We swear.” Lily answered quickly. 

“That’s not good enough. What if you mess up? How do we know you won’t say something to your precious Slytherin.” Sirius spat. Was that the reason for all of this? Why Remus hadn’t told her. She knew James and Sirius had… a disapproval of her friendship with Severus, but Remus had never seemed to mind, never quite bought into all that house rivalry nonsense as the others. Or at least she hadn’t thought so.

“I won’t tell Severus, or anyone. I wouldn’t.” 

“But what if you do, how can we know for sure you won’t-” 

“For pete’s sake Sirius, what do you want from me? To take a sodding blood oath?” 

“That’s an idea.” Sirius said darkly. And- who did he think he was? It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t do it, but the thought that she was the one who couldn’t be trusted.

“Everyone calm down, nobody needs to take a blood oath.” James said. “But- Siri’s right, you can’t tell anyone, not even Marlene.” 

“For the last time we won’t.” Lily groaned.

“We’ve known for months and we didn’t say anything, why would we now?” Mary added.

Remus’ eyes shot wide. “Months? But- how?”  

“Mate, you were in the hospital every full moon.” Mary said.  

“Shit- shit.” Remus began to pace. “I told you this would happen- I told- people would catch on, they-“ It wasn’t clear which of them he was talking to. 

“Remus. Hey, stop, it’s okay. No one is going to figure it out.” James said, grabbing him by the shoulders again. Where did James get off being the one to comfort him? Lily hated the strange feeling in her stomach that gave her. 

“They did.” Remus hissed. 

“Because we’re your friends! We were worried about you!” Lily cried. “You were coming to class with open wounds. And-and-” Lily faltered. 

“And what?” 

“Rosier told me your dad had all that history with werewolves it-“ 

“You talked to Evan about this?” Sirius roared. “See? I told you we couldn’t trust her-“

“No! We were just talking, about- well about werewolves, but not about you.” Lily said to Remus, who was frozen in place, looking stricken and like he might hurl.

Sirius went on, “That’s just as bad, you can’t-“

“I didn’t know! I just thought Remus was sick, or cursed or-“ 

“Technically he is cursed.” 

“Shut up, Peter.” Lily and Sirius shouted in unison. 

Remus was clutching at his hair, looking as if he wanted to rip himself to pieces or disappear entirely, Lily caught his gaze. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have brought it up, but you didn’t tell me!” 

“Because you’re not supposed to know!” Remus looked like he might be sick, Lily certainly felt like she might be. 

“But everyone knew! Everyone knew but us!” 

Sirius snorted shrillishly. “Oh classic Evans, making it about you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily cried. 

“You know, you’re always-” Sirius waved his arms in a big circle, as if that explained anything. 

“As if you’re not! Honestly if there’s anyone who can’t be trusted it’s you. You’re just as bad as the rest of them!” 

“Rest of them?” Sirius voice twisted up. Lily was so sick of him. Sick of him acting like he was better than the rest of them, like he could go around insulting people without any care for the recourse. 

“Slytherins, Blacks, pureblood knobweeds who think they’re better than everyone else! D’you really think just because you’ve learned some muggle songs that makes you any less of a bloody bigot. You’re just like the rest of your sodding family.” 

“That’s not true! I’m not- That’s - how dare you?” 

“How dare I? Insulted your family lineage have I? Must be my poor breeding.”

“Oh for-“ 

“Shut up! Both of you just shut up!” Remus shouted, angry tone breaking into something desperate. “I-I-“ He started, but then instead stood up and left the room without another word. 

Sirius pointed at the door. “See, look what you did.” 

“What I did?” Lily shouted. “You’re the one who started it. I’ve been nothing but a good friend to Remus and you-” 

“I’m a great friend!” Sirius insisted. 

“Oh sure, when you’re not busy insulting his parentage.” 

“For the last time, that isn’t what I meant!” Except it wasn’t the last time, because Sirius had never actually apologized to Lily, or Severus. Maybe Remus had forgiven him, but he hadn’t given the her anything to forgive. 

And, it didn’t matter, if that wasn’t how Sirius meant it, just like it didn’t matter how his brother had meant it all those months earlier when he’d called her a mudblood, and, Regulus had never apologized for that either. Christ, Lily was so tired of people treating her like this just because they didn’t know better.

“But it’s what you said!” Lily roared, she could feel the others’ eyes on her, she was making a scene. She couldn’t stop.

“Oh come on! Mary-” Sirius eyes flickered quickly to Mary and Lily couldn’t stop.

“This isn’t about Mary!” Perhaps sparked flickered out from her clenched fists, perhaps she stomped her foot like a petulant child, perhaps her voice cracked so high a window shattered. James took a step between them.

“Um- perhaps we should all just take a-” 

“Oh shut it Potter. Don’t act like you’re any better.”

“But-” 

“No! I’m so sick of the both of you! You act like you care so much about muggles and fairness but only when it suits you. You can’t pick and choose when to be a good person!” The room fell into silence. Lily squeezed her eyes shut until she felt pain. “I’m going to check on Remus.” 

Lily was halfway down the staircase when she heard Mary say, “For the record, I think you’re both pillocks,” and trail after her. 

Embarrassment set over Lily quickly, she’d lost control. Gone into one of those fits her mother was always warning her about. But it wasn't- it wasn’t her fault. They’d needled away at her until it was all too much, and she couldn’t hold it in. Mary, to her credit, didn’t mention it.

They found Remus on the fourth floor, tucked away in the alcove of an empty classroom, a favorite hiding spot of his. He jumped when he saw them, staring at them like a startled animal, eyes red and wet. 

“I-I’m sorry.” He said, ridiculously, as if he weren’t the one crying. Lily squished into the spot between Remus and the wall, Mary on the other side. 

“You alright?” Mary asked. 

Remus nodded, but refused to meet their eyes, head bowed and staring intensely at his own hands. “I know you both must have questions, and I-“ His voice shook and he pulled he gripped his own knees, like he was at threat of toppling over. “And I-um- I can’t imagine what you both must think of me- I- I promise it’s not as big of a deal as it seems, if you can just-it’s not-I-.” 

“Hey.” Lily cut him off, reaching out gently to steady his shoulders. “Remus, it’s alright. Everything’s alright.” 

His brows crinkled but he finally looked up. “Aren’t you scared?” 

Mary let out a bright laugh. “Of you? Have you seen yourself Loops? Why the bloody hell would we ever be scared of you.” Lily glared at her but Remus let out an improbable snort. 

“But I’m- you know.” 

“A werewolf?” 

“A monster.” He said quietly.

Mary sighed, “Look Loops, I know a monster when I see one, and you sir are no monster.” She knocked him on the shoulder.

“But-“ 

“But nothing, you were our friend before and you’re our friend still, none of the rest matters.” Remus finally lifted his eyes and promptly burst to tears. Lily and Mary pulled him into a hug as he sobbed into Lily’s shoulder. 

“I-I’m sorry. I-“ 

“Hey, none of that. There's nothing to be sorry about. We love you no matter what.” Mary said and Remus let out a recked sob but then sat up with a huff, whipping frantically at his own face. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said, still apologizing. 

“It’s alright.” Lily said, because she was supposed to. She held her breath to keep in the next question. “But, why them? Why tell the others and not-did we do something to make you not trust us?” 

“No! No, I didn’t tell them. No one was supposed to know, but- well you’ve met James, he’s a soddin’ conspiracy theorist, bloody figured it out.” And, well, honestly that did make Lily feel a bit better. 

“Loops.” Mary started, “You don’t have to tell us but, what happens? Where do you go every month?” 

“You’re not in danger.” Remus said quickly. “I promise, Dumbledore-” 

“No!” Mary grabbed his hands. “No, I don’t think that, Remus, forget I asked.”

“It’s alright- I-there’s a house in Hogsmeade.” Remus explained the whole story. How he’d been turned as a boy and hadn’t thought he’d be allowed in Hogwarts, but apparently, Dumbledore and his father had been friends, and was one of few people who knew of Remus’ condition and was willing to take the steps to make a safe place for him to transform, and keep his condition secret. He explained the shack in the village, the secret passageway he took each month to get to it, and the Whomping Willow, which Lily had always thought seemed a bit unreasonably dangerous to exsit on school grounds. Previously, Lily had sort of expected that he just went into the forest, but she realized that would have been much too dangerous. She had also wondered if there were others, students or teacher werewolves. Remus had looked at her funny at that, apparently Remus was the only werewolf ever permitted to attend Hogwarts, mostly because very few people were turned as young as he was. But then where did Remus’ injuries come from? She’d thought it might have been another werewolf, or the creatures in the forest, but Remus explained that being locked up in the shack, it made ‘the wolf’ anxious. Without any prey for the wolf to go after, it didn’t have anything to attack but itself. Remus said it like that was a good thing, but it wasn’t. 

“Moony.” Mary said with a odd tone of amusement. “That’s why they call you Moony?” 

“Yeah.” Remus nodded. 

“That’s kindof a shit nickname, Loops.” Remus turned a bit red at that. 

“Yeah.” The three of them fell into laughter. 

… 

After the incident, or rather, all out battle, as Mary had referred to it as, Lily mostly set out on avoiding James and Sirius. James had managed to apologize, actually, coming to her with a forlorn look, prattling on about responsibility and his respect for muggles, the dramatic git. And, well, Lily wasn’t quite certain he really understood, but the sentiment was at least appreciated. Sirius, she assumed was still cross with her, but she didn’t quite care as she had no intentions of forgiving him any time soon anyway, so they had set on mutually ignoring each other, which was perfectly fine with Lily. 

And with exams rapidly approaching, Lily had far too little time to be worrying about Sirius Black and his feelings anyway. So of course, he chose that opportune time to present them to her. 

“Hi.” Lily looked up from her parchment at the source of the intrusion. 

“What do you want, Sirius?” Lily exhaled, she didn’t have time for this. Sirius dug his hand into the pocket of his robe and pulled out something small and rectangular. Lily immediately recognized the black and red wrapper, though she never would have expected it in the hands of Sirius Black.

Sirius held out a mars bar to her as she blurted out. “Where did you get that?” 

“Owled. Mary said you liked them.” 

“I-do.” Lily said dumbly, accepting the candy bar and allowing Sirius to plop down next to her on the lumpy leather couch that Lily had co-opted for DADA revision. 

They sat in awkward silence as Lily fiddled with the candybar wrapper, until Sirius said, “I’m not sorry for yelling at you.” Lily immediately regretted letting him sit down. 

“Oh, well-“ 

“Moony deserves to feel safe, and I won’t let anything happen to him. But- I am sorry about the other stuff.” His voice turned fragile, Lily wondered if he’d ever given an apology that wasn’t half an accusation before.

“Did James put you up to this?”

“No! Well- no. but he did yell at me, a bit.”

“James yelled at you?” Lily asked incredulously. James never yelled at, well anyone really, mostly people yelled at him, but he certainly never yelled at Sirius, who he mostly revered as highly as he did himself. 

“I know.” Sirius bewailed. “I didn’t like it. But you were right I think, about my family, and me.” 

Lily gasped. “Wait, what’s that? I don’t think I quite caught that. I was what? Sirius Black was wrong about something? I must be dreaming.” 

Sirius pulled a face. “Shut up!” 

“This is a historical moment.” Lily couldn’t help herself, or the cackle she let out. 

Sirius threw his hands up. “See? This is what I get for trying to do the right thing.” 

“Yeah, well, you deserve it.” Lily said, then broke the mars bar in half, and handed it to him. He eyed it skeptically for a moment, before biting in. They ate silently.  

Sirius coughed. “I- um, wanted to ask you something.” Lily stared at him, what now? “How did you know that stuff, about the gnomes?” 

Lily hadn’t been expecting that. If anything, she’d assumed Sirius would have forgotten all about the gnomes. “My parent’s house has a gnome colony in it. My sister made friends with one of them.” 

“Oh. But I thought gnomes only liked Wizard homes?” 

“So did I.” 

It was quiet again. Lily still felt the same unsettled queasiness when she thought of the gnomes. The story had spread quickly to the rest of the school, but it had gotten twisted, mangled somehow. People either believed her to be some sort of animal rights fanatic or a miraculous gnome whisperer. Petunia had an absolute fit. She’d gone completely smug with self satisfaction as Lily was forced to eat crow. Pandora thought she ought to write to the ministry and explain that gnomes had been miscategorized by the department of magical creatures. But most people, had simply forgotten by now.

“You know, they’re all wrong about him? All the books and everything. It’s all a load of monkeydung.” Lily didn’t need to ask who Sirius was talking about. 

“Yeah, I know.”  

Sirius sucked in a breath. “And I just- do you think there’s other things? That wizards are wrong about?” 

“Yeah, I’m starting to think we’re wrong about a lot.” 

Chapter Text

No one ever suspected Mary of being a witch. 

In fact, It wasn't until Headmaster Dumbledore appeared on the doorstep, with his sparkling blue robes and pointed hat looking every bit like a character out of one of those old animated films, that anyone noticed what had been right under their noses. And it had been right under their noses, just below the surface, because it turned out Mary had been doing all sorts of magic all her life, only no one knew it.

Unlike some young witches and wizards, Mary’s magic didn’t show itself through gand displays of transformational spells or flashy charms. Instead, Mary’s magic peeked out in the way that she won every coin toss, always knew the right place to look while playing hide and seek, but was never found, despite not even choosing very good hiding spots. Her magic cropped up in the way her hair was never out of place and her skirts never wrinkled, no matter how hard she roughhoused with her brothers and sister, her glasses never cracked or bent, no matter how many times she rolled on them in her sleep. Her magic bubbled up in the way she had perfect aim and caught every ball that was ever tossed her way. 

It was in the way the sports teams she cheered for always won, and her food was always the exact perfect temperature to eat, and the batteries in her toys never died. It was in the way she had a tendency to find lost things, and how the radio always played the exact song she’d been thinking of.

It was the way everything always seemed to go right for Mary.

Mary had never thought a thing of it. Her father always called her his good luck charm, but that was all she was: lucky. No one could have ever expected something spectacular and fantastical as magic to be the blame. Magic didn’t exist. 

Until it did. 

And then everything slotted into place like the interlocking of a zipper, years of oddities and unanswered questions all clicking into satisfying place. It was obvious in hindsight. Of course , Mary was a witch. Of course , she could control the weather and turn beetles into buttons and fly, it was the natural conclusion of Mary. She wasn’t just lucky, she was luck.

And once Mary learned about magic, well, there was no going back was there? Not really. After all, there was a hidden world of miracles and mythic beasts just waiting for her. Inviting her in to see all its wonders and learn its secrets. 

Her parents were apprehensive of course, they had no intention of sending Mary to some elusive prep school all the way in Scottland. But Dumbledore had explained: Mary's powers would only grow stronger, and she deserved to learn how to use them, how to control them and wield them with intent, not just for the safety of those around her, but for herself, it was her natural born right. And Mary's parents had always been the sort to let their children make their own choices, and well, it wasn't much of a choice was it? Not really. As soon as Dumbledore had handed over the crisp white envelope with her name on it, Hogwarts became the only answer to Mary's future. 

After all, who would ever give up the chance to learn magic?

Still, it did throw a slight wrench in her plans. 

See, Mary had big dreams. Dreams, specifically, of sitting on the steps of Aldridge Academy, the secondary school she was set to attend, blazer thrown artfully over her shoulder while she and her friends flirted with the older high school boys. Dreams of walking herself home from school, instead of having to wait for her older brother to escort her. Dreams of going on dates to soda shops and playing flute in the school orchestra. She had big plans for high school. Plans that definitely didn’t involve going to some boarding school in Scotland. 

But all that was irrelevant, because Mary was a witch, and she was going to learn to fly goddammit, so if that meant rearranging the idea she had for herself and her very illustrious future, so be it. So, Mary devised a plan: she would simply take all the things she wanted to do and stuff them into Christmas breaks and summer holidays, she could have it all. 

The Plan worked well enough in Mary's first year. She had pencilled out her summer down to the day, leaving not a weekend or afternoon free of fun and excitement. It had been splendid. And she was determined to make the second summer home from Hogwarts just as splendid.

An added benefit to being absent all year 'round was that when Mary returned home, her family’s attention found itself rightfully centered on her, something she so adored. After the end of her first term, her entire family, all five Macdonalds, met Mary at the Hogwarts Express platform. Agatha, the youngest Macdonald, was rather distracted by the delight of running back and forth through the false wall to the platform, but her parents and brothers were ready to tackle her into a crushing family hug on sight. And once the wonder wore off for Aggie she was joining in as well, insisting to ride on Mary’s back as they journeyed home. The welcome was repeated at the start of spring and summer holidays, and Christmas the next year.

So Mary skipped off the Hogwarts Express at the end of second-year, expecting much the same as she scanned the crowd of reuniting wizard families for her muggle one.

“Jonny!” Mary’s elder brother was not hard to spot through the crowd, with his light blue linen shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and a pair of beige trousers sticking out among the sea or wizard robes. Mary herself had taken the liberty of changing out of her robes and into a lavender sundress the moment the Hogwarts Express had departed, the pair of them stuck out like sore thumbs. 

Jonathan flung his arm over Mary’s shoulder, he was still sporting that same horrid mustache from Christmas, “Welcome back, Mupput.” 

Mary frowned. “Where is everyone?” 

“Dad’s at work still, and Ma’s at home with Ag and Tom.” Jon shrugged. 

“Why didn’t they come to greet me?” 

Jon snorted, “Contrary to your belief, the world does not actually revolve around you, May.” That, was not an answer. Was her mother alright? She hadn't mentioned anything wrong the day before when Mary called. Perhaps Thomas caught another cold, like the nasty one he'd had at Easter. Or maybe Agatha was throwing a fit, though she'd mostly grown out of them by now. So Mary really didn't know why the lot of them weren't there. 

Oh well. Mary decided not to be bothered by it, despite the growing well of disappointment in her chest. “Are you quite sure? I could have sworn last I checked.” She placed a quick lightening charm on her luggage and swung it over her shoulder. Which was perhaps teetering on a Public Display of Magic, but Mary was happy to let any confused passersby assume she was merely a very strong young lady. 

“Cheat.” Jon muttered at her. Mary only stuck out her tongue as she walked backwards through the barrier into King’s Cross. 

“I’ve something to tell you,” Jon said as they escaped the chaos of the train station and filtered into the open air of London.

“What? Have you finally found a girlfriend? Because I can’t say that wouldn’t be a surprise-“ 

“No! I mean- not that- " Mary snickered at Jon's stammering. "You’re a nuisance you know?" She did know: provoking her elder brother was a favorite pastime of hers, she'd missed it dearly. "No, I’ve been accepted to Cambridge University.” Mary skidded to a halt in the middle of the street.

 “What? Really?” Jon nodded, a grin peeking out from his closed mouth. “Jonny, that's wonderful! And you’re just telling me now? When’d you find out?” 

“I wanted to tell you in person, I know you’ve got that telephone, but it’s always going on the frizz.” 

“That’s- congratulations! Mum and Dad must be so proud.” Jon scratched at the back of his neck and nodded.

Cambridge. Mary couldn’t believe it. She, of course, never had any doubts that Jon would end up somewhere wildly impressive, given the way he committed to his studies like a complete and utter knob. Taking on internships and foregoing an acceptable social calendar. Rather, Mary couldn’t believe that it was happening so soon. She’d missed his graduation, hadn’t she? It seemed just yesterday they were nothing more than squirrelly children and now he was, what, a man? - or something equally as horrifying. Off to university without her. Would he even come back next summer? Not that Mary would ever share such anxieties with her brother, lest she die of mortification. 

Any lingering upset with her family melted away by the time they reached their family's Kensington flat, and Mary was hit with the warm sweet scent of her mother's cooking. It wasn’t that the food at Hogwarts was bad, in any sense, but it did have a tendency to be very… Scottish. Which was all and well, for a few days, but after several months Mary wished for nothing more than to never eat haggis again in her life. In fact, much like the year before, Mary was determined not to think of Hogwarts at all until the new term. 

It should have been easy. Returning to the streets of London made Mary feel not unlike Dorothy returning to Oz. One might think it’d be the other way ‘round. And true, Hogwarts was magic, wonderful and wild and beyond any of Mary’s wildest dreams. But it was also dark, the ancient crumbling stone and matching black uniforms built a monochrome world around her. London, on the other hand, was vibrant. Technicolor, and loud, and a fair bit chaotic, but that was what Mary liked. After all, she was technicolor and loud and chaotic herself. 

But it was all a bit disorienting. Like the slow routine of Hogwarts had settled into her bones, and she was having a hard time keeping pace. She spent hours upon hours walking through the road market and sitting at the round pond, as if she was trying to imbue London into herself. Trying to keep all thoughts of magic and Hogwarts far away.

This turned out to be slightly more difficult than Mary anticipated. Despite her best efforts to pack up all thoughts of Hogwarts into a box like the one for winter coats that she kept in the back of her closet, they just kept cropping up. A lot had happened that year and they just kept leaking out. She'd be lounging on the balcony and suddenly spot a cornish pixy rifling through the flower pot, or grabbing lunch in Ladbroke Square and suddenly remember the answer to the question she'd missed on her final potions exam. 

None of which was helped by the fact that Lily kept calling her. She'd gone a bit obsessed ever since she realized Remus was a werewolf. And, well, Mary would never say, but she'd actually put it together much earlier. They'd only been a month or two into first-year and Mary was still putting together the pieces of how exactly wizard society functioned. She'd wondered from the moment Marlene had mentioned the very existence of werewolves and that silly rumor of werewolves in the forbidden forest (not so much a rumor now, though Remus insisted that he'd never been out into the actual forest as a wolf) if any of the students and staff at Hogwarts might be one. And it only took a single full moon and a conspicuously missing Remus the next morning for her suspicion to take root. Mary thought it was bloody cool, but Remus had such a skittish little waif back then that she thought it best to leave him to his business. 

In any case, now the secret was out to everyone (or at least everyone who mattered), and Lily had grown intent on following through whatever sort of doctor fantasy she had about saving Remus through acts of experimental potioneering. Meanwhile, Remus kept calling to complain because none of his friends seemed happy to leave well enough alone and seemed to be suffering from the collective delusion that they were on some sort of werewolf enrichment voyage. 

Meanwhile, Mary's parents had insisted on subscribing to The Daily Prophet, to stay up to date on wizarding events, though Mary suspected that was a euphemism for keeping an eye out for any more terrorist attacks, which was not a completely misplaced idea, considering the concerning uptick of violence in London, wizard or otherwise. 

So forgive her, if she couldn't just pretend that Hogwarts and magic didn't exist. She was trying her darn best. And you could hardly blame her, especially when her family was chomping at the bit to hear all about the splendid tricks she’d learned that year. 

“Maaarryyy- my turn!” Agatha begged, pulling on Mary’s arm. 

“Alright, alright.” Mary lifted her wand and pointed it at her sister, with a swish of her wrist, Agatha started to float off the floor, bursting into a fit of giggles. Agatha was the youngest of the Macdonald children, at nearly seven years old, and well to be honest, she was a bit obsessed with Mary, if Mary did say so herself. Not that Mary could blame little Aggie, she was an exquisite older sister. Absolutely phenomenal. 

“I’m flying!” Agatha squealed and wiggled her feet in the air. 

“Let me go again!” Thomas demanded. He was the other middle child, who at ten years old was quite adamant on proving that he was no longer a child. A statement that was a bit harder to buy whilst begging his older sister to float him about the living room.  

“Hold on-I can only do one at a time.” 

“Mary!” Jon shouted upon entering the living room. “Bring her down.” 

“Nooo-” Agatha cried. 

Mary sighed and complied, lowering Agatha back to the floor. “For christ sake, what if she floated away, or got stuck up there, or hit the ceiling fan.” 

“Don’t be such a worry wart Jonny, she’s completely fine, we’re indoors .” 

“Yes but-” 

“Look if you want a turn you could have just said so.” Mary grabbed her wand. 

“Oh no! Absolutely not!” Jon shielded his face from Mary’s casting, Mary cackled and chased him as he fled from the room. She nearly caught him when suddenly she, herself was lifted off her feet and flung over Jon’s shoulder. 

Mary shrieked. “Put me down!” 

“Never!” She pounded on Jon’s back as he carried her back into the living room, flinging her down onto the sofa, she bounced on landing. 

Jon let out a dramatic wheeze and put his hands on his hips. “Christ! I swear you get heavier and heavier every day.” 

Mary scoffed. “Maybe you’re just getting weaker.” Mary poked him in the bicep. 

“Hey!” 

“Jonny me next!” Agatha pulled on Jon’s arm. 

“Sorry Ags, apparently I’m too weak!” John cried dramatically. 

“I’ll do it!” Thomas volunteered and grabbed Agatha around the waist, promptly toppling over and taking them both crashing to the floor with a thud. Mary and Jon burst into laughter, which earned them twin scowls from the younger two, but not for long, as Macdonald laughter was highly contagious.

“Well well, what is going on here?” Lionel Macdonald leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen, his deep American accent filling the room. “If I didn’t know any better I would say I have a load of rascals on my hands.” 

Agatha scoffed, “I am not a rascal.” and gave her father the sternest glare a seven year old could muster. 

Lionel clicked his tongue. “Is that so?” 

“ Mary was trying to turn your children into balloons with that evil stick of her’s.” Jon announced.

“I was not!” Mary protested. “It was just a floating spell, first years can do it.” 

“Mary, we are all very impressed by your mischievous witchery but I must please ask that you not float away my children.”

Mary giggled, “Yes Dad.” 

And perhaps Mary was also finding it difficult to spend time with her old friends without thoughts of new friends cropping up in her mind.

“…You should’ve seen it, when Madam Plover opened her desk drawer, it poured water all over her, she was absolutely miffed.” Louisa cackled as she recounted the story, nestled inside the spare quilt that had been laid out on the floor.

“I heard it was Sally Robinson,” Sophia added, tossing a bit of popcorn in the air and wincing as it smacked her in the face.

Louisa and Sophia were Mary’s oldest friends. Sophia’s mum and Mary’s were nursing friends, and Louisa had quickly joined the duo in the first day of reception, when another girl, Ellie Cambell, had refused to return Mary’s rag doll. Louisa had promptly snatched the doll from the other girl's hands and returned it to its rightful owner (never mind that the doll was technically school property and didn’t belong to either of the girls, details). Their summer sleepovers in Sophia's living room were a time-honored tradition, especially now that Mary was gone half the year.  

“No way!” Mary could hardly believe it. Primarily because Sally had always been such a shy and well-behaved student. Apparently, not anymore. 

Sophia nodded. “You should have seen Madam Plover’s face. She was completely raging. Thought she might go haptic on us right then and there.” Mary wheezed with laughter. 

“Oh god, that reminds me of the time Sirius and-” Mary caught herself. The time Sirius and James put a dancing hex on Professor Flitwick’s chair. Only she couldn’t say that at all. She could hardly work out ways to say anything about Hogwarts with a grain of truth in it. Her voice fell. “er-never mind.” 

“Ooh.” Sophia cooed. “Tell us!” 

“Is it dirty? I bet it’s dirty.” Louisa giggled with a conspiratorial glint in her eye.

“It’s not- dirty!” Mary reached for an acceptable proxy story. There was the time Marlene charmed all of-no. Or the time Lily hexed Rosier's- no. Or when-

“Oh come on tell us. You never tell us anything about that special school of yours.” Sophia threw a bit of popcorn at her, but Mary came up blank. 

“It’s boring, really.” Mary lied. 

Sophia rolled her eyes and flopped her head back against the sofa. “She thinks she’s too good for us Lou. All up in that fancy school of hers.” she sighed with mock offense. 

“I don’t!” 

“Oh it’s alright, I’m sure we lame folk would be too dull to understand the escapades of you and your sophisticated friends.” Lousia bemoaned. 

“Do you like them better than us Mare?” Sophia asked. “I bet she does, that’s why you never call, isn't it. Too busy with her cool, new friends, with their cool names. Seriously, what kind of name is Sirius, anyway?” 

“Oh shut it! You know I’m morose without you two.” Mary hadn't meant to ignore her friends during the school year. She tried to call. But she still hadn’t worked the kinks out of that blasted telephone charm, and there were only so many times the phone line could mysteriously switch to another person’s conversation before people started accusing it of being a haunted phone (which in a way it was). And it’s not like she could send a letter by owl, that wouldn’t be suspicious or anything. And even if she could, what would she say? School is great, I’ve been learning lots about transfiguration, and last week our History Professor told us all about the Goblin Rebellion, thinking about trying out for the Quidditch team next year, but I’m not sure I fancy waking up at six a.m. to practice flying? 

And yes, Mary could always lie, but it was often better not to say anything at all. 

…

It was a scorching July day as Mary wandered through the stacks of the Pembridge Street record shop, filtering through the discounted records and collecting quite the pile, while Sophia and Louisa, and two other girls, Amanda and Beth, recounted the biggest hits of the year to her. Mary had been friends with Amanda and Beth before she’d left for Hogwarts, but she’d never considered either girl the best of friends, not like Lou and Sophie. But the four of them had apparently grown quite close in Mary’s absence, a fact which was, fine, she liked Amanda and Beth both well enough, but left a strange tingling feeling in her gut. 

“This is a good one.” Louisa shoved a record in her hand, a powder blue cover with a band she’d never heard of. Aerosmith.  

“Ew no, I hate that song!” Beth groaned. Mary would very much like to decide for herself thank you very much. She added it to the pile and turned the corner, locking eyes with a familiar yet out of place set of gray eyes. 

“Sirius?” 

Sirius Black froze like a spooked squirrel. Mary hardly recognized him, and not just because of his unexpected appearance in the record shop. For one, she’d never seen him out of his school uniform, even debased and improper as he often wore it, with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the collar torn open, and, while Mary always found the Hogwarts uniforms ridiculous on their own, if not mostly drab, Sirius’ current state of dress was certainly a far cry worse. In the most basic sense, it was a suit. A double-breasted, plaid suit in gray and cream to be exact, complete with a red tie, of course, that was at least two sizes too big and far too fanciful of an outfit to befit a child, least of all one who was not the prince of England. Not to mention, horribly ill-suited for the scorching summer weather. 

“Mac? What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, blinking his eyes like he might expect her to disappear. There were other differences too, his hair was longer, at least a foot past where it had been just two weeks earlier, and the same hollow vacancy in his gaze that always trailed him the first few nights back to school. 

And he was staring at her looking rather vexed, like she was somehow the thing that was out of place. “I live here.” 

“ Here? In this record shop?” 

“What? No, of course not. I live a few streets over. What are you doing here? Don’t you live in Islington?” 

Sirius shrugged, “Yes, I walked.” 

He walked? Was Sirius mad? It was blazing out and that ridiculous suit wasn’t doing him any favors. And yet, somehow he didn’t seem the slightest bit flushed. “You walked here from Islington?”  

“Um, yeah?” 

Perhaps Mary needed to consider going out for quidditch next year, clearly, the sport was doing something for Sirius’ athleticism that she couldn’t comprehend.

It was then that Mary’s friends spotted them and made a jog across the store. 

“Mare, who’s this?” Sophia asked, eyebrows perched in piqued interest. Mary really wished she hadn’t, wished none of them had noticed her run-in, wished Sirius had never stepped into this record shop at all. Not that she wasn’t pleased to see him, but his presence meant she would have to talk about Hogwarts again. Which meant she’d have to lie.

“This is Sirius Black, we go to school together.” 

Amanda grinned at Sirius. “Oh! You must be, like, really smart then. I’m Amanda.” Sirius only looked puzzled. Like he was trying to connect two unrelated pieces of information. Sirius was really smart. Sirius went to Hogwarts. Non correlative facts. At least, they were if you hadn’t spent the last two years telling your friends and family that you’d been off at some exclusive school that only accepted the most academically gifted of students. Which Mary had. 

“Nah, Sirius only got into Hogwart’s School for Gifted Children because of his parent’s money, isn’t that right Siri?” It would have been a good moment for mind reading, which was supposedly the sort of thing that wizards could do, not that any of their teachers had ever bothered to teach them, it was advanced magic, otherwise known as far too serious a subject to be left in the hands of a bunch of idiot thirteen year olds. In any case, staring adamantly at Sirius in hopes of willing him to catch on was the best Mary could do. 

“Yes, right- family nepotism and all that." Sirius laughed nervously. "I’m certain the only reason they let me in at all is because my father funded the new wing of the library.” Mary breathed, at least one of them was taken to lying.

“Oh can’t be the only reason, I’m sure you have many gifts.” Amanda’s voice pitched up unnaturally.

“Mary, you never told us the boys at your school were so handsome.” Sophia ran her fingers around a lock of her hair. They were flirting. With Sirius. Rather brazenly. And- alright it’s not as though Mary could blame them. Sirius was, after all, the fittest boy Mary knew, with his feathery black hair and steely blue eyes, and he had that sort of face that looked like the kind you’d find on a marble statue at a museum. But that was- not the point.

Sirius looked rather uncomfortable, which Mary wasn't necessarily glad for, but she did hope that it would encourage him to leave sooner rather than later. She felt strongly that she was amid two asteroids violently colliding and there was very little she could do to prevent it. “I should be getting home soon thou-” 

“Sirius,” Sophia all but shouted. “We were all about to pop down to Ike’s if you’re keen to join.” 

Sirius looked between the others and Mary. But the silent signals Mary was attempting to send him with the purse of her lips were apparently overshadowed by the four other doe-eyed girls looking as if they had every intention to give Sirius as much attention as they possibly could. Sirius nodded and agreed to join them.

Whatever fears about Sirius and his lack of exposure to muggles leading to an accidental breach of the statute of secrecy Mary had turned out to be completely founded. Sirius, as she had told him many times before, didn’t know anything about muggles: he stuttered and fumbled when it came to ordering his ice cream, an unusual look for him. Mary spotted him the change for the ice cream, which he stared at with crinkled brows as though he’d never seen a five pence piece before. 

She did her best to steer the conversation towards topic that would be safe for Sirius to navigate, which were mostly restricted to Marc Bolan’s hair and his opinions on the Godfather, which was, tragically, the only movie Sirius had ever seen. Mary would have to figure out a way to sneak a television into the dorm next year. Primarily, because if she had to hear either Sirius or James lament over the artistic wonder of Marlen Brando one more time she was going to drown herself in the Great Lake.

Despite her best efforts, Mary’s friends insisted on asking Sirius questions about himself. Like where he lived and what his family was like. Mary couldn’t blame them, walking around looking like the Prince of Wales didn’t do much to discourage interest. Damn that blasted suit. Mary was going to burn it.  

“Sirius, that’s such an interesting name, is it because you’re so stoic?” Amanda placed her hand on Sirius’ arm. Christ what a stupid thing to ask. Never mind that Mary had asked him something startlingly similar when they first met. But to be fair, Sirius had been moping about the common room like someone had just killed his cat, so. 

“No, heavens- no. It’s Sirius, like the star.” 

“I didn’t know there was a star called Sirius.” Beth said. “Where is it?” 

“Well, um- you can’t see it just now- but erm, at night it’s part of Canis Major. Which is just to the left of Orion’s Belt. It’s hard to say during the day time, but it should be just about there.” Sirius pointed to the sky.

“You’ll know it when you see it, it’s the brightest star in the sky.” Brightest star. Mary wondered if was intending the level of careless charm he was laying on the other girls, or if he was just like that. She suspected it was the latter. It seemed when removed from scenarios of wreaking havoc as Potter’s sounding board, Sirius reverted to a posh civility that personally, Mary found entirely obnoxious and all too reserved for a boy she had once seen hex the Hogwarts clock tower to expel only fart noises instead of ringing. 

“Oh! So that must be why you’ve been named it because you shine so brightly.” Mary choked on a snort and bit her tongue from saying something wicked, but shot Sirius a glare that she hoped he interpreted as I hope you know you’re a complete pillock. 

“Gosh, you know quite a lot about the stars.” 

“It’s ah- a family thing.” 

“You must take me stargazing sometime, Sirius.” Funny, Beth didn’t seem all that interested in stars last summer when Mary had excitedly asked them to come watch a lunar eclipse. Sirius stuttered again. So much stuttering from him today. Mary would have thought he was suffering from the residual effects of a tongue-twisting hex. 

“Oh naff off all of you, can’t you see we’re embarrassing him.” Louisa said. “I mean, just look how red you are.” She poked his cheek and laughed. 

Sirius only turned redder, Mary had had enough. “That’s enough, all of you! Stop antagonizing my friend!”

“We’re just so excited to meet him, Mary. Mary never talks about her school friends.” And that stung, just a bit. Sophia wasn’t going to let this go. It was one thing when all her school friends were uninteresting nerds she could get away without mentioning. 

“Well I would, but I’m afraid they’re all dead boring.” Mary sighed and Sirius pulled a face.

‘Hey! I am not!” 

“You are, in fact, I think you’re the most boring one.” She reached up and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. 

“Take that back! Take that back, Macdonald.” 

“Not likely. In fact, I think the only person who has any sort of charm at our school is that brother of yours.” 

“Alright, well now you’re just being ridiculous. Everyone knows I am loads more interesting than Reg. He’s got the affect of a wet towel. Watching a caul- pot boil is more interesting than him.” 

“Siri don’t be so mean to your baby brother.” 

“What? He’s not here? And besides, if Reg wanted to be less of a stick in the mud, he would be, honest to m-god think he likes all that stuffy crap. Speaking of which, I really should be getting home soon. He’s all alone, and we both know how helpless he is without my help. Poor dear’ ll die of boredom if I don’t return soon.”  

“Oh alright.” Mary sighed. “I’m going to help Sirius home, I’ll see you all later yeah?” Louisa gave Mary a strange look. Normal, muggle boys didn’t need help getting home. 

But Sirius, apparently, very much did. Not only had he never been on the tube, which Mary could have guessed as much, but he’d never so much as heard of it. Sirius, lived in London all his life and had never so much as heard of the subway system. 

The scope of her wizard-born friend’s knowledge base was not lost on Mary. Between Sirius’ astonishment at the existence of rock music, James ignorance of the most basic history and science (she’d once spent an entire afternoon explaining to him that muggles did in fact, know what cats were), and Pandora’s curious prodding at Mary’s muggle clothes and marveling over her cassette player. Even Marlene, with her muggle-born mum, didn’t know a telephone from a tennis racket.  

Evening waned into the night, which was lucky for them since the day’s heavy rush hour traffic had subsided. Still, there was a steady stream of commuters shuffling in and out of the station at Piccadilly Court. Mary had to grab hold of Sirius’ hand to pull him along and keep him from getting caught up marveling at the escalators, another thing he’d never seen or heard of, or keep him from tumbling over the edge of the platform or getting his head whacked off. It was not unlike the times she’d taken Agatha on the tube. She kept a vice grip on his hand until they were safe and seated in the carriage. Once again thankful that they’d missed the busy time, she had no interest in seeing Sirius stumble and lurch around like a tourist when the train came to a start and stop. 

It was dark by the time they left the station in Islington. And, Mary could have very much abandoned him there, but admittedly she was dying to see the Black family home. 

“You should put that away.” Sirius said quietly, staring at Mary’s wand as she twirled it between her fingers, she’d just gotten the hang of that trick. 

“Why?” 

“Someone could see.” Sirius whispered harshly, which was rather silly, seeing as it was dark and the streets were basically empty.

“See what? It doesn’t look like anything more than a stick.” Mary snorted. She really had never seen Sirius care so much about rules. Sirius opened his mouth as though he was about to protest, but said nothing. 

“I’m sorry about my friends, by the way. They’re a load of naffers.” 

“It’s alright, they all seemed lovely, actually.” He was being overly polite again. 

“Because they they all fancy you. Should’ve known you’d like the attention. But- you did seem a bit uncomfortable.” He still did, a bit. 

“Oh, no, it wasn’t because of that, it’s just, they’re all muggles.” Mary ground to a halt, wincing as the words sunk in and she doubled back to make sure she'd heard him right. Of all his talk of how he was going to be better than his sodding blood supremacist family and-

“No!" Sirius said with a panic. "I didn’t mean it like that . I just- didn’t know what to talk about, without breaking the statute, I kept, messing up and almost mentioning charms or quidditch- I just, I was trying not to say something I shouldn’t.” 

Oh. 

Which, yeah. Mary understood. Weeks of trying to talk to her friends and pretend she wasn’t lying to them, all but ignoring them throughout the school year, because she didn’t know what to say or how to talk to them. It made her insides feel like slime, like she needed to unzip her own skin and wash the inside out.  

“You’ll get better at it.” Mary tried to smile. Mary didn’t want to get better at lying to her friends, to everyone other than her family, she wasn’t built for secrets. But Sirius was, he’d get the hang of it- but, she didn’t want him to. She didn’t want any of them to. 

“It’s- Mary, I really didn’t mean it that way-“ 

“I know. It’s alright, Sirius.” She felt a sudden and striking sadness threatening to prick at her eyes. Instead, she slipped her wand away and grabbed ahold of Sirius’ hand again, swinging it as they walked. 

Grimmauld Place was a crowded, old street, full of dirty cracked brick and dark blackened windows. The house Sirius stepped up to had no distinctive differences from the other worn row of terrace houses. Perhaps it was only the low light, but it seemed to have the same worn-out steps and dingy black door. There were no plants or decorations, or even a welcome mat, and the windows were just as dark and weathered as the rest. 

“This is where you live?” Not that it mattered, but she'd been expecting something grand. It was no secret that the Black’s were some of the most wealthy and aristocratic families around. Hell, she’d heard stories about Sirius’ family estate, somewhere in Wiltshire, and she knew of course that their London residence couldn’t be near the same level of grandeur, but this was certainly a far cry from what she’d imagined.   

“Yeah, it’s um. Bigger on the inside.” Sirius said awkwardly, and then, “Will you be alright, getting back home on your own? You could come in and use the floo if you’d like.” And despite how desperately curious to see the insides, muggle houses weren’t on the floo network, and she had no interest in gambling with her destination. 

“Nah, I’ll be alright, I take the train all the time.” 

“Okay, good, great.” Sirius nodded, looking at the door as though he’d rather do anything besides enter it. “I was wondering if you perhaps-“ 

“You should come round tomorrow. I can take you shopping for proper muggle clothes.” 

“What’s wrong with my clothes?!” Sirius gasped, looking down at his still crisp suit, Mary plucked at the lapel of his collar. 

“Oh Siri, they’re tragic.” 

“They- and you’re just telling me now? I thought you were my friend, Mare-“ Mary couldn’t help but laugh at the look of utter distress that crossed his face. 

“Don’t fret, we’ll get you fixed up. Think you can manage the tube all by yourself now?” Mary was not at all confident in his abilities, but Sirius nodded just the same. “Great, I’ll meet you at the station at half past three.” 

It was a good deal past ten by the time Mary got home, and her parents weren’t exactly, thrilled that she’d been out so late, especially on her own. But as soon as she explained that she’d had to help Sirius home, he was absolutely helpless on his own, they softened up. 

...

Introducing Sirius to the muggle world turned out to be an excellent summer project, just the sort she needed to take her mind off of Lou’s continued needling her for information on Hogwarts. Of course, Mary had begun the project long ago whilst they were both in school, but there was only so much she had to work with while stuck at school. The streets of London provided much more amble foundations for a proper education. Mary found she quite enjoyed it, perhaps she’d become a teacher when she grew up. 

And Sirius, for his part, was an excellent student. A far cry from his disposition at Hogwarts, where he coasted by on talent alone, hardly bothering to even attend his lessons half the time. There was a subtle… anger to him now. As though he wasn’t just eager to learn, but righteously pissed off at having not known to begin with. Mary suspected Sirius didn’t have a lot of experience with feeling daft. He wanted to know how everything worked, and immediately, so that no one else might catch him acting foolishly. 

Making good on her word, Mary did indeed take him shopping. He’d turned up at the tube station with a sack full of muggle coins, Mary hadn’t the slightest clue where he’d obtained it and was frankly a little afraid to ask. She took him through Camden Market, and couldn’t help but feel a swell in her heart at the look of excitement on his face as he riffled through the shops, stocking up on all sorts of silky collared shirts and loudly patterned trousers. He went particularly gooey eyed over a pair of bright purple heeled boots ‘like the ones Bowie wears.’ Mary warned him that he might find the heels a tad less comfortable than typical wizarding footwear, but he couldn’t be dissuaded. 

They met up for other ‘lessons’ as well. Trips to the cinema and the museum, or walking the waterfront. Sirius especially enjoyed visiting the borough market, where he could ‘practice his muggle patronage’ by bothering all the shopkeepers. He split most of the treats he paid for with his mysterious coin sack with her though, so she wasn't complaining. 

Mary suspected that Sirius was eager to spend as little time as possible at home. Which was reasonable, Mary was much more exciting and likable than any of his relatives by a mile. After the first time she invited him over for dinner he developed a habit of suggesting it every time they were around. Insisting that Moira Macdonald was the most excellent chef he’d ever met. Not that her parents minded, Sirius had excellent table manners.

But then, one day Sirius stopped showing up. He and Mary and Louisa were set to hit the waterfront, with their roller skates, an extra set borrowed from Jon for Sirius. Mary and Louisa waited an extra forty-five minutes, just in case he’d gotten mixed up on the train, but he never showed. Which was rather rude, he could have at least told them he wasn’t coming (although, Sirius and telephones were still not quite friends, even after Mary pointed out and instructed him on how to use the phone box on the corner of Grimmauld Place) but Mary figured he’d come ‘round eventually, as he often did, popping up at her house unexpectedly. 

A week passed, then two, and Mary was starting to worry that she’d have to go up to Islington herself to check on Sirius, perhaps his mother had locked him on the top floor like Rapunzel, and Mary would need to go rescue him. 

But then, in the middle of August, he appeared banging on the Macdonald’s front door in the late morning. “Hi, can I come in?” 

“Black, hi, yeah. Everything alright?” Everything was likely not alright, considering he was heaving in laborious breaths, wearing a crisp black robe, much nicer than their uniforms, but with the sleeves bunched up high around his elbows. 

“Yeah, yes, of course. I just felt bad about missing our plans the other day. I wanted to apologize.” It was three weeks ago, Mary didn’t say. She didn't say that she'd been worried sick about him and mildly heartbroken at his sudden disappearance.

“It’salright, Siri, are you really sure you’re fine because you seem-“ 

“Yes-I just, aren’t allowed out anymore, well- I suppose I wasn’t allowed out before, but now mum’s got her sodding house elf following me everywhere now, ditched ‘em back in Diagon Alley, probably be in loads of trouble when I get back, but you know-“ 

“Well, I’m glad you’re alright, I was half worried she’d shipped you off to Babitin.” 

“What?”

“You know, the French school…” 

Sirius made a tight lipped sound. “Oh, right, no. Not yet at least.” 

“Oh well, good. Good. Um, are you hungry? I think mum just made some roti and-“ 

“No, thank you, I’m fine really. Actually- dammit, I should probably go before he finds me. Um- would you- could you possibly do me a favor?” Sirius dug through his robe pockets and pulled out a letter, wearing at the corners, as though they’d been banged up in his pocket for a good minute. 

“If it wouldn’t trouble you, would you mind, sending this, Mum confiscated my owl and I just- don’t want him worrying about me. Suppose he could probably find out from Pandora- but, I-mean, if you wouldn’t mind, I don’t even mind if you read them I just-“ 

“Yeah, yes, it’s no trouble,” Mary said, taking the letter addressed to James. “Sirius, are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ve just- I’ve got to go. I’ll see you at school though.” Sirius paused, then threw his arms tightly around Mary, quickly, before turning around and leaving. 

“Your boyfriend’s back?” Tommy said, startling Mary, as she found him leaning innocently against the doorframe to the kitchen. “Bit weird, innit he?” 

“He’s um-not-“ 

Tommy nodded in a slow, disbelieving motion, then handed Mary her lunch. 

…

On August 20th, Jon set east for Cambridge. 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” Mary groaned as she prodded through Jon’s half packed suitcase.

“Me? I’m not the one who decided to go to a reclusive boarding school in Scotland.” John snorted, yanking the jumper from her hands and folding it back into the trunk.

“ That was not my choice,” Mary insisted somewhat untruthfully, “and entirely different, you’re leaving home, going to go off and start some new family, in a far-off place, I mightn’t ever see you again!” 

“Christ, you are dramatic, child. I’m going to Cambridge, not California, it’s an hour away, I’ll see you every holiday.” 

“That’s what you say now. And I’m not a child, I’m nearly fourteen.” 

"Practically a fetus.” Jon retorted. “And despite your best fantasies, your family doesn’t just sit around all year, waiting for your return from magic school, I have a life you know.” 

“You? A life? Since when.” 

“Since-now!” 

Mary’s mum plopped a box of cooking supplies down on the floor of Jon’s room. “Mary, please don’t antagonize your brother, we’re all very proud of your Jon.” 

Mary snickered. “Yeah Jonny, we're all very proud.” 

“You see, the words you're saying are nice, but when you say it like that it sounds like you don’t mean it.” He snapped his suitcase shut. 

“What?! Of course I mean it! I’m very proud that all those years of being a massive swot have paid off for you.” 

“Oh, I’m a swot? Weren’t you the one I caught with her book in a rather large textbook last night? What was it? The Rune Dictionary ? You’re spending your afternoons reading the dictionary, and I’m the swot?” 

“I’ll have you know, Ancient Runes are the least swottish of all the magical subjects.” That was, not strictly true, but Mary was the only one present who could confirm or deny such facts. 

“Face it Mare, you’re a S.W.O.T. swot. Bet you’re even swottish enough to follow me to Cambridge, do you think they’ve got a track for stick waving?” 

“Oh shut it! Well, at least I’ll get a bigger room.” 

“What?” Thomas snapped. “Mary can’t have this room, you’re not even here half the time.” 

“ You already have your own room, which, by the way, was meant to be my room in the first place. And I’m too old to be sharing with the baby.” 

“I am not a baby!” Agatha shrieked. 

Moira snapped, “If the three of you don’t quit your squabbling I’ll make you all share a room and turn the other two into sewing closets.” Then she threw a sock at Mary’s head. 

Thomas ducked under the bed and pulled out a handful of magazines. “Oi, can I have these?”

Jon snatched them quickly from his hands, “Absolutely not! Alright, that’s it, that’s it, everyone out, I need to pack in peace!” 

… 

Mary did not, by the way, read Sirius’ letter to James. Not even she was that nosey. But she did receive a reply. 

Dear Miss Macdonald, 

Or whoever this is, but I’m assuming it’s Mary since I only know two people in London, and you’re the only person who uses muggle post. Thank you, for getting Sirius’ letter to me. If you manage to see him again, tell him I think he’s onto something brilliant, Remus might take a bit more convincing, but I am of course all in. And tell him I miss him too. Actually, say that despite the sunny skies it is as though I have been submerged into a sea of darkness, that only creeps deeper with every day that we are parted. Yeah, tell him those exact words, if you would be so kind. 

See you at school! 

James F. Potter

P.S. You were right about muggles and cats, how splendid!

Mary replied to him. 

James, 

Happy to help, though please refrain from passing soppy love letters through me, they are not included in services and will incur an extra charge of forty-five galleons per romantic verse. 

XOXO, 

Mary Macdonald.

Chapter Text

“I just think it’s a bit selfish, t’sall." Lottie huffed, glaring at the ceiling as a proxy for the target of her bemoaning. "Like, the world doesn’t revolve around her, y’know? It’s Christmas, you can’t just take a holiday all for yourself.” Her dark hair was splayed out across Petunia’s floor, where she'd been relegated to since Petunia's boxes of loose beads took up any extra space on the bed. “And you should see the wretched dress she’s picked out from me. It’s awful, it's like she’s trying to make me look bad.” Lottie’s sister was getting married. On Christmas, no less. And the so-called tactless and tasteless decision had become the favorite subject of Lottie's afternoon rants.

Petunia snorted and leaned off the side of her bed. “She's probably afraid people will think you’re prettier than her.” 

“Well, it’s not my fault if she’s insecure. I shouldn’t have to suffer because of that." Lottie sighed. "There'll be so many pictures,” She said with a shutter.

“Well, I mean you are prettier than her.” 

Lottie snorted, “Aww, you think I’m pretty do you?”

“Shut up.” Petunia chucked a pink bead at Lottie, it bounced off her cheek and disappeared into the carpet. “I think Amelia’s wasting her time, you could wear a garbage sack and you’d still be prettier than her.” 

“Exactly, so she should just realize it's a lost cause and let me wear something suitable.”

Petunia snorted. 

“What?” Lottie said. 

“Nothing.” Petunia abandoned her current project, the bracelet was a mess anyway-two clashing shades of pink beads with a less than complementary green, she slid off the bed and rolled onto her side next to Lottie. “I think you’re just miffed because she’s getting more attention than you.” 

“Well, duh.” Lottie rolled her eyes. 

“If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t give a toss about Amelia’s wedding.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better.” 

“No? Bollocks. Well, is there anything else I can do to make you feel better? I mean I hate to see you all wounded like this.” Petunia mocked. 

“Shut up- shut up!” Lottie laughed. 

“Yeah alright,” Petunia said and leaned over to cut off Lottie’s laughter with a kiss. Lottie’s arms came up around Petunia’s shoulders, pulling her properly on top. Petunia’s arms came up and settled on either side of Lottie’s head, caging her in. 

Lottie kissed with the same enthusiasm that she brought to everything, firm and vivacious. Petunia worried Lottie’s bottom lip until her mouth fell open to Petunia’s. 

It had been like this all summer. Girlish teasing giving way to languid kisses. Something that had started panicked and desperate evolving into something slow and tender and- well they hadn't exactly talked about it. But after those first few times of Lottie pulling her in shamelessly, and without hesitation it became clear that this was something that was allowed now. A new element to their friendship, just another way for them to best each other, and, well- Petunia knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Pulling away until their noses brushed, Petunia bit back a smile, “Better?” 

“No.” Lottie glared at her and Petunia hummed, returning to press her lips to Lottie’s, sucking on her bottom lip. 

A loud bang against Petunia’s door shook through her like a gunshot, Petunia wrenched away from Lottie just in time for Lily to barrel through the door. “Have you seen my orange jumper?”  

“You know, that completely defeats the purpose of knocking.” Petunia hissed. Lily’s face was flushed red like she’d been running. 

“I’m going to be late, do you have it?” 

“No, of course I don’t have it!”

“Are you sure? Because sometimes you borrow my-“ 

“Why would I ever borrow that jumper, it’s horrid.” 

“It is not!” 

Petunia stomped to her feet and hurried across the hall to Lily’s room, sidestepping the orange tabby Lily had come home from Diagon Alley with two weeks prior, beaming about how she finally wouldn’t be the only one in her dorm without a pet. Personally, Petunia found the notion that all Hogwarts students could bring their own pets to school impractical, preposterous, and borderline unsanitary, but who was she to say?  

Lily’s room looked like a twister had blown through, no wonder she couldn’t find anything. Her trunk lay open, stuffed full of unfolded clothes and books, and the writing desk was covered in unlabeled jars and tipped over potion bottles on top of messy notebooks, didn’t they teach laboratory safety at that school of hers? The bed was unmade and Petunia went straight for the seam where the bed met the wall and dug out the comforter until she spotted a bit of pumpkin orange knit. She shoved the sweater into Lily’s chest.

Lily had been exceptionally scatterbrained and incomprehensible that summer, even more than normal, running back and forth from the house to the Snape's with all sorts of different books and odd 'ingredients'. It was highly suspicious and erratic behavior. Or at least, it might have been if Petunia noticed, but she'd been much too busy with her own life that summer to take much interest in whatever hair-brained scheme the witchling was up to this time. 

“Thank you!” Lily threw the jumper into the pile on her trunk. “I’m so late, Sev is going to kill me if you miss the train.” Lily scrambled to the floor and began digging under her bed. 

Petunia rested her hands on her hips. “I still don’t understand why you don’t just take the flow straight to Scotland.” Lily popped out from beneath the bed with a pair of trainers and tossed them on the pile. 

“It’s 'flooo' and it's tradition.” Lily swiveled her head around my room. “Drat, where’s my-“ she made a dash for the closet and fished out a long red and orange scarf.

“It’s a right disaster in here, no wonder you can’t find anything.” 

Lily huffed then nudged the bedroom door shut and took out her wand. “compono.” The contents of her trunk flew up into the air and began to reorganize itself back into the trunk, the potions on her desk came back upright, lining themselves up in an orderly fashion, various nicknacks and loose socks flew back into their drawers and the bedding unfolded its wrinkled sheets and wrapped tightly back into place on the bed. Lily looked up at Petunia with a tight-lipped, shit-eating grin. 

Petunia groaned. “Alright Mary Poppins, off you get. Wouldn’t want you to be late.”  Lily grabbed hold of her trunk and began to drag it out of the room. 

“I’m ready!” She shouted as her trunk slammed on the stairs in a heavy thunk as it trailed behind her. Lottie poked her head out of Petunia’s room as Petunia followed Lily down the stairs. “I just need-“ Lily ran off into the living room and returned with the cat she had procured from Diagon Alley that summer, which was technically not a cat, according to Lily, but a kneazle. Petunia, however, had eyes- it was a bloody cat. Alfie came chasing after them. 

“Sorry Alf, no dogs allowed at Hogwarts.” Lily said sorrowfully. 

“I don’t know how you manage to fit your whole wardrobe in that measly trunk, I could never.” Lottie said, perching against the railing of the stairs.

“Lily’s magic.” Petunia said, and Lily scowled, as if the statement meant anything real to Lottie. “Real wiz at packing, innit that right.” 

“Shut up.” Lily rolled her eyes. 

Holly rounded the corner with Alfie's old carrier from when he was a pup, newly washed and bedded for the 'magical' cat.

“There’s leftover lasagna in the fridge, girls.” Holly said. “Sure you don’t want to join us, I’m going to pop down to that new boutique on Brimly Street on my way home?” 

“That’s alright Mrs Evans, we want to get a head start on our studies.” Lottie said, even though school didn’t start for another week, and not even Petunia was enough of a swot to study during the summer. 

Holly sighed. “Alright, suppose I can’t argue with that, you’re both so studious.” Petunia’s mother gave her a quick hug and carried Lily’s trunk out to the car, where their father was already waiting. 

“I’ll miss you!” Lily said, hugging her sister again. 

“I’ll miss you too, now off you get, wouldn’t want to miss that train of yours.” Lily nodded. “Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”

“I won’t!” Lily called and rushed out the door. “Bye Pet! Bye Charlotte!” the door swung shut and Petunia let out a full-bodied snort.

“We’re going to study now, are we?” Petunia snickered at Lottie's reddening cheeks.

“Didn’t you hear your mum? We’re very studious.” 

“Lot, I’ve seen you fake a broken wrist to get out of doing your homework.” 

“Well, maybe you’re a good influence on me.” Lottie stepped close to Petunia, backing her into the front door. “Perhaps you’ve taught me the error of my ways.” 

“Have I now?” Petunia felt the air thin between them. 

“Mhmm, I’m a proper swot now, thanks to you.” Lottie grinned then pressed her lips to Petunia’s. Petunia caught her around the waist, leaning on the door for support: kissing Lottie always made her light-headed.

“Shall we go study then?” Petunia whispered.

Admittedly, kissing Lottie wasn’t un like studying. Lottie approached it like an experiment. “What if you did this with your tongue?”, “What if you bit here?”, “What if you put your fingers there?” As if they were two explorers systematically charting new lands and not two girls making out in the back of Lottie’s dad’s old beamer. As if it were just another thing to do to kill time. Fill out this quiz in Seventeen magazine. Take turns trying on my mother’s nice dresses. Put your head between my legs and see what sort of sounds I make.

Petunia knew she was being reckless. Knew that at any moment it would come crashing down and destroy her. But she couldn’t stop. Not when Lottie would grab her by the hand and pull her down the back alley behind the cinema and kiss her until she’d lost all sense of breathing, or slip a hand underneath the covers when they shared Petunia’s bed and roll her eyes when Petunia hesitated and whisper in that same goading voice that convinced Petunia to blow off first-period and go sit in the back of Arnie Chesfield’s car last year, or sneak in to see Cemetary Girls when they were thirteen, or jump off the high diving board at the pool when they were nine. “Oh come on, Pet don’t be such a wuss. It’ll be fun.” 

Fun. That’s all they were doing. Having fun. It was just a bit of fun. Nothing else, nothing more. It didn’t consume Petunia’s every thought, her whole body, splitting her open and splaying her like a hooked fish, gasping and dying on a wooden dock. 

If Lottie needed it to be just fun, Petunia could do just fun. She’d do anything Lottie asked if it meant she got to keep kissing her. 

So the summer had passed in a haze of sunbathing and bare skin, sweat sticky and burnt, of overnighters spent under the cover of Petunia’s quilted sheets, giggling and whispering like they had when they were young, but with shaking fingers and smiling kisses. 

...

Lottie’s sundress pooled around her waist. It was Petunia's favorite, blue and white cotton that swung loosely around her thighs. Lottie must have worn it twice a dozen times that summer and Petunia was quickly developing a Pavlovian reaction to gingham. She gripped Lottie’s naked thigh as her other hand skirted the junction of where the lace of her underwear cut across her backside. They were on Petunia’s sofa: dangerous. But Petunia’s parents were both at work and with Lily gone there wasn’t anyone there to see them: also dangerous.  

Petunia brushed her thumb up under the edge of the lace, and Lottie inhaled sharply, pulling away from Petunia’s lips to let out an unsteady breath.

“I should probably go.” Lottie’s eyes squeezed shut, like the words were a betrayal. Lottie shouldn’t go. She should stay right there in Petunia’s lap. Could live there if she wanted. Petunia wouldn’t mind. She’d gladly resign herself to a life as nothing more than a glorified armchair. 

“Now?” Petunia breathed and it sounded more like a whine.

“I’ve got to get home, Jacky’s picking me up at seven.” Petunia’s heart slammed back into her body like a cold wave crashing against her. Jack. Right, of course. It always came back to Jack. Petunia didn’t understand what Lottie was doing with a boy like him. Sure, he was a fair bit nicer than some of the other blokes Lottie had dated, but he had the disposition of a wet blanket. He was dull and uninteresting, and Petunia knew Lottie thought so too.

“Don’t pout.” Lottie rolled her eyes as she slid off Petunia’s lap and straightened out her skirt. Petunia cursed her own face for betraying her. 

“I’m not pouting.” Petunia swung her legs up on the sofa and clasped her hands behind her back. She truly couldn’t care less if Lottie wanted to keep up her silly charade with Jack. 

“If I didn’t stop us now, I wouldn’t make it to dinner at all.” Good. That was good. Petunia hoped Lottie missed every dinner with Jack. “He’s taking me to Adoro la Cena, you know that new fancy place on Easton.” Adoro la Cena was the type of place that teen boys thought was the height of fine dining. Petunia had been with her parents once, it was hardly worth the hype. 

“What are you doing Friday? It's disco night down at the roller rink, you and Marty should come.” Lottie asked as she slid her white mary janes back on, they were collecting scuffs around the edge.

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Lovely. Right, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lottie leaned over and kissed Petunia on the mouth, quick and poisonous, before picking up her purse and leaving. 

…

“My heart! How it has ached in your absence. Though at times I could not bear to go on, I held out hope that one day we would be reunited, my love!” Martin dropped his school bag and made a running jump onto Petunia’s back. Petunia stumbled forward to keep them both upright. 

“Jesus Christ Marty! Get off me!” Petunia teetered and shrugged Marty off, who cackled as his feet touched the ground, an arm still slung around Petunia. 

“No! I won’t stand to be separated after so long apart.” 

“I saw you Tuesday.” 

“Exactly.” Marty had spent the majority of his summer working at the chippy by the mill, which he affectionately referred to as having been sentenced to exile, as though Petunia or his other friends weren’t in there every other day harassing him for free fizzy pops. 

“He’s a bit mad innit he?” Lottie whispered to Petunia. Martin leaned his head on Petunia’s shoulder, waddling behind her like they were some sort of four-legged monster.

“Don’t be jealous Charlotte, I missed you just as much.” He detached from Petunia and shoved himself between the two of them, slinging an arm around them each. “And may I say, you look rather fetching this morning, do something new with your hair?” He pulled on one of Lottie’s ringlets. 

“Haven't you ever heard of personal space?” Lottie laughed. Martin shook his head. 

“No, what’s that?” 

The first day of school was always one of Petunia’s favorites, the infinite possibility of a new start. The heat of summer had yet to wear off, and with it came the feeling that summer had never really ended. 

They waited after the bell for Jack to finish with football practice. Lottie liked to watch. Petunia only tolerated it for the free ride home Jack would give her afterward.

“We should do something for your birthday.” Lottie mused, leaning back over her elbows on the picnic table they occupied, eyes hidden under garishly big sunglasses as she watched the gaggle of boys chase a ball in the field below. Petunia’s birthday usually fell within the first week of school. It was magnificent good luck, according to Lottie, that her sixteenth birthday happened to be on a Saturday that year. 

“I already had a party.” Lottie scoffed, apparently the party Petunia had with her parents and Lily, two days before Lily left for Hogwarts, wasn’t up Lottie’s standards.

“It doesn’t have to be a party. The weather’s ‘sposed to hold, we could drive out to Wallasey.”

“And how do you suppose we’d get there?” 

“Jack could drive.” Jack could drive. Petunia couldn’t begin to explain to Lottie that she didn’t want to spend her birthday with Jack. How could she? Jack was lovely. Lovely. She could no less express her distaste for him without exposing her entire, bitter heart. “Oh come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Oh alright.” Petunia sighed and squinted at the sun, then went back pretending to watch the boys’ football practice.

The scrimmage let up, and Jack jogged over to them, giving Lottie a kiss on the cheek. He was dripping in sweat and rather vile, but if Lottie minded she didn’t show it. 

“You looked brill out there Jacky.” Lottie said. 

“Thanks Char, I think my speed is really improving.” 

“Sure looks like it, you’re a shoe-in for starter this year. Tunny and I were just talking about driving up to Wallasey this weekend, if you'd like it?” 

“Wallasey Beach? Sounds swell. Will I get to see you in your swimming costume?” 

“If you’re lucky.” Lottie grinned, Petunia tried not to vomit. 

“I’ve gotta be off. My article on the new science department is due tomorrow and Professor Sanders will kill me if it’s late.” Petunia stood quickly, throwing her bag over her shoulder. 

“Ta Pet.”

…

Petunia woke up Saturday morning to the phone ringing. She reached blindly for it, only one person would think to call her this stupidly early in the morning. 

“Hello?” 

“Happy Birthday!” Lily sang into the phone. 

“It’s too early Lil.” Petunia grumbled into the phone. Over the static, she heard a faint mumbling in the background. 

“Pandora says you should always wake up as early as possible on your birthday.” Lily said. 

“That way it lasts longer!” Another voice, Pandora, shouted. 

“Uh huh. Brilliant advice, tell Pandora cheers for me.” Petunia groaned. 

“You’re welcome!” Pandora called.

“Why are you all up so early? It’s a Saturday.”

“Hogsmeade, it’s the first year we’re allowed to go. ” Lily answered, Petunia didn’t know what a Hogsmeade was. 

“Hey! Is that Petunia?” Another voice called, and the phone filled with rattling. “Hey, Petunia.” The voice said, clearer than before. “You’ve got to tell me, is it true that muggles have been to the moon or are Mary and Lily taking the piss?” Marlene McKinnon asked. 

“That’s- yes, that’s true.” 

“Damn. Really?” 

“Really.” 

“Are you sur-“

“Yes, I’m sure”

“Marley give me the phone back!” Lily’s muffled voice cried and then Lily returned. “Sorry.” 

“Any more of your mates intend on making an appearance?”

“No, they’re quite finished, aren’t they?” Lily said sternly, followed by more muttering, to which Lily groaned . “Mary says happy birthday, also.” 

“Tell Mary 'thank you'.” Petunia laughed. 

“What are you doing today?” 

“I’m going to Wallasey. I should probably go pack, actually.” 

“Wallasey? With Marty?” 

“Not just Marty, but yes.” 

“Who’s Marty?” Pandora interjected. 

“Petunia’s boyfriend.” Lily giggled. 

“Martin isn’t my boyfriend.”

“That’s what she says, but he definitely is.” Lily snickered, conspiratorially, Lily, along with the rest of Petunia's family, was under the strong impression that she and Marty were an item. Which may have been slightly amusing at first, but was quickly losing its luster.   

“He isn’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because- because he isn’t. I don’t see him that way.”

“Perhaps she fancies someone else?” Pandora suggested. 

“Do you fancy someone else?” Lily echoed. 

“No! I don’t fancy anyone.” 

“She’s obviously lying.” That was Marlene. 

“I don’t! You lot are the worst. This conversation is ruining my birthday, ruining it.” 

“Oh no! Not your birthday!” Lily gasped. 

“Shut up! I’m hanging up now. 

...

A blanket of pillow clouds had fallen over the sky by the time Jack pulled up in his convertible, Lottie hanging out the passenger seat and waving wildly at Petunia whilst Martin was spread out in the backseat, handing her a Tizer as he made room for her. 

“D’you think it’s gonna rain?” Petunia asked at the milk-white sky as she tossed her giant beach bag into the back seat and followed it in. 

“Nah.” Lottie said, turning to rest her head on the seat. “It’s your birthday, it’s not allowed.” Lottie said, like she controlled the weather. 

“Besides, who’d a little rain ever hurt?” Martin shrugged.

“It’s 'sposed to clear up soon anyway.” Jack said, the most practical of the three. “Happy Birthday, Petunia.” 

They set off north, leaving behind the dusty industrial town for the English countryside. 

The clouds did become less dense, spreading out until they gave way to a rich blue sky that collided with the rolling checkerboard hills. The wind was cold on Petunia’s cheeks, the air nipping and roaring as Jack sped down the lonely highway. 

They stopped for lunch in Witchurch at a little eatery and ordered far too much food for four people (Jacky and I are growing boys, Petunia) and Marty tried and failed to order beer from the hostess, who scowled at them the entire time, making a dirty face at them from across the bar as they laughed too loudly and argued over who got the last chip. They all shoved out of the restaurant and smoked the last of Marty’s fags in the alleyway.

Jack stopped for gas on the edge of town on the way out, Marty bought a new carton of cigarettes and Lottie filled up a bag with saltwater taffy. Lottie slid her feet up onto the dashboard and put on the new Beach Boys album and they screamed into the wind until the edge of the sea began to peak up in the distance. 

Warm days were uncommon this late into the year, usually folding to the winds and rains by August's end. All to say, the beach was packed, as if all of Northern England had been overcome with the same idea. 

Petunia hadn’t been to the beach since her family went to visit grandparents in Cardiff, they stopped visiting after Nain died. But Petunia always loved the ocean, it was like standing in the sky. Petunia and Lottie set out a blanket on the last shred of empty beach they could find and Petunia waded out into the water. Despite the beating sun, the water was still cold, prickling and biting at her skin as the tide pulled around her ankles. The clatter and racket from the fellow beach dwellers dissipated, overwhelmed by the crashing melody of the ocean. Petunia’s eyes fell shut, she could stay there forever. 

“Shit-“ Loud splashing interrupted Petunia's serenity, she wedged open an eye to find Martin tromping through the water. “That’s fuckin’ cold!” He shivered and made a series of unpleasant facial movements before settling his hands on his hips. “This is horrible. Why did we come here?” 

“You didn’t have to get in the water.”

“Yes, well, you were standing here all pleasantly I thought I’d be alright, but now I see it was all just a ruse to torture me.” 

“You’re a dramatic sod.” 

“Am not!” 

Back at the beach, Lottie had pulled off her sundress to reveal the ruffled two-piece swimsuit. Lottie took great care in fluffing out her hair as if she were putting on some sort of performance, and given the way Jack stared at her with such a blush it was visible from the surf, she likely was. Lottie smiled and handed a bottle of sunblock to Jack, Petunia tore her eyes away from them. 

“Ah, now I see.” Martin clicked his tongue. “Wishing you were the one with that sunblock.” 

“I- absolutely not.” Petunia protested. Martin hadn’t said a word to anyone about her and Lottie since she'd confessed to him last spring, not that she expected he would. For all his teasing and prodding, he was an expert secret keeper.

Martin made a face again. “Yeah, alright, I can’t do this. It’s cold as shit in here.” He started back towards the beach. 

“Bloody coward!” Petunia called after him. 

“You’re a bitch Tuney!” Matin called back, a grin in his voice. 

Petunia drifted out further, grimacing as the water passed her waist until she was just a floating head in the water. Martin was right, it was freezing, the water drifted down from the arctic glaciers, casting a cold spell over the entire coastline. But Petunia didn’t mind. She liked the cold, liked the subtle unpleasantness of it, the way her body raced to keep her warm, grounding her in the moment. 

Eventually, Lottie came running in after her, barreling through the water until she was submerged next to Petunia, popping up next to her with a violent shake. 

“Blimey! It’s freezing in here Pet!” Lottie’s teeth clattered slightly. 

“It’s not that bad.” 

“It’s freezing.” 

“It’s refreshing.” 

“Ah, I understand now, you’re mad. Barking mad.” Lottie drifted closer to Petunia, shivering as she tried to share in Petunia’s warmth, barreling her face into Petunia’s neck. It was a friendly gesture, nothing they hadn’t done a thousand times before, but Petunia couldn’t help the way her eyes darted frantically, checking for signs that they were people watching, catching that they were doing something they shouldn’t. Of course, no one was: because they were doing nothing out of the ordinary, it was only the expanses of Petunia’s own mind that made it something more.

Lottie stayed hidden for a moment longer, then re-emerged with a slow breath. “Okay, alright, ‘spose it’s not so bad.” 

Back at the beach, Martin and Jack had taken to tossing a frisbee back and forth, incorporating some of the other beach dwellers into their game, paying Lottie and Petunia no mind. 

“I told you.” Petunia said, wrapping her arms around Lottie’s waist, less friendly, but safe under the cover of water, away from prying eyes. 

“Why couldn’t we live in France, or Italy, somewhere where the water is actually warm?” Lottie pouted. 

“I suspect because then we’d spend all our time at the beach, never get anything done.” 

Lottie shrugged, looping her hands around Petunia’s arms. “Doesn’t sound so bad.”

Petunia nodded. It was hard to concentrate with Lottie so close to her. Beads of water dripped down Lottie’s cheeks, clinging to her black ringlets and settling in the well of her upper lip. It took all Petunia’s will not to taste it. Lottie’s feet prodded at Petunia’s calves, tangling their legs together, Petunia felt her voice trapped in her throat, unable to speak, unable to breathe. 

Eventually, another group began to wade into the water, a little too close for comfort, and Petunia and Lottie broke, apart, taking shelter on the big beach blanket. The afternoon sun was warmed her skin, evaporating away the remains of the seawater. 

The prickle of sleep was just beginning to wash over Petunia when Martin and Jack returned from their game, covered in far too much sweat to be sharing their beach blanket, in Petunia’s opinion. 

“You were right Char, it really did toast up.” Jack said, wiping at his damp fringe. 

“Haven’t you learned by now, I’m always right, darling.”

“Of course dear, how could I forget?” Jack laughed and leaned down to kiss Lottie. Petunia forced herself not to look away, remaining unbothered by Jack and Lottie’s affection was all part of the game they were playing at. So Petunia forced herself to look, even if it made Petunia feel like her heart was going to climb up her throat and strangle her, even if it felt like her ribs were going to cave in on themselves. Did Lottie taste like seawater? Petunia could still smell the bright scent of Lottie’s chapstick from when they were in the water, sharing one breath, like sticky boxed fruit punch. 

“Think I saw a cart selling ice lollies down the beach, I’m going to pop down for one.” Martin said, and jumped to his feet. 

Petunia tore her eyes from Lottie and Jack. “I’ll come with.” 

“You alright?” Martin asked when they were a safe distance from the blanket. 

“Christ Marty, you make it sound like I’m some pathetic love-sick fool.” Martin didn’t respond outside of a low humming sound. 

“I’m not! I know what I’m doing.” 

“Whatever you say, Pet. I just don’t want you getting hurt.” Petunia was already hurt. That was the whole premise of the situation. Petunia was going to be hurt no matter what, so there was no point in hiding from it. 

“I won’t. I-“

“Fuck!” Martin jolted, lifting his foot from the sand. “What the hell?” 

Bright red liquid began to flood out from between his toes. “Shit, are you alright?” Petunia asked.

Martin grimaced and picked his foot out of the sand, leaning on Petunia with one hand. “Yeah.” 

Shimmering in the sand was a fragment of glass, made visible by the trace of blood from Marty's injured food.

Marty swore again. “I’m gonna, go find a- shit-place to clean up.” He dropped his foot and winced again. 

“Come on.” Petunia wrapped an arm around him so he could better hop. “You’ll get blood all over the beach.” The two hobbled to the nearest bench. There was no washroom nearby, but Petunia had a half-full canteen of water, and a few spare tissues, not the most sanitary of items, but would work in a pinch. Petunia rinsed away the sand and dirt from the slash on Marty’s foot. The cut was right on the crease of his big toe, and bled right through the tissue.

“Christ, that’s a real gusher.” Petunia scanned the beach in search of someone who might have more appropriate first aid equipment.

“It’s really not that-” Marty winced. “Shit.” 

“I bet the souvenir shop will have some gauze or-”

“Dammit- can’t you just magic it better?” Petunia froze. Certain she'd misheard.

“What?” Marty must have been making a joke, just like the jokes Petunia made, no one ever looked at them twice, no one ever suspected she was suggesting something remotely akin to real magic.

“Come on, you must have a spell or a-a potion or something.” Or not. 

“I’m quite unsure what you’re talking about.” Petunia stuttered. Martin couldn't know about magic. Not that Petunia gave a toss who knew about magic or not, but- it just didn't make sense. Unless- perhaps Martin had a relative, or - or something- just like Petunia. After all, Petunia was a muggle who knew about magic, but- well Marty didn't have any siblings, and his parents were as plain as it came. It didn't make any sense, unless he'd sorted it out for himself which-

“Oh come on ‘Tunia, now’s not the time to play coy, I could bleed out!” Martin moaned, though he had only lost a bit of blood. “I’m not daft. I know you dabble in that sort of stuff?” 

‘What stuff?” 

“Witchcraft.” 

“You think I’m a witch?” Petunia scoffed, boarding on laughter. 

“Is that not the proper term? Wiccan, mage, purveyor of the mystic arts-whatever, can you just fix my foot? Please?” And- oh. Martin didn't know about magic. At least not in the real sense. Petunia supposed she hadn't been the most careful with the array of potions Lily had gifted her over the years, but she never considered that anyone would think that she was the source. On the bright side, if Martin thought she was a witch, it only meant that he didn't really know anything at all. 

“Oh Martin.” Petunia sighed. “I’m not a witch.” It was a bittersweet confession, and Martin's face stayed steadfast in its disbelief. 

“But I’ve seen-” 

“Whatever you thought you saw, it wasn’t that. I promise if there was a way for me to miraculously heal you I’d do it.” Martin frowned at her, like he didn’t believe her- like he didn’t believe himself. “Just hang tight, I’m going to see if I can rummage up a bandage.” 

...

The ride home was slightly less energetic than before. Martin had angled his injury to persuade Lottie to give up the front seat. He’d seemed rather eager to put the whole ‘magic’ thing behind them and hadn’t pressed Petunia any further, but she wondered if he was still holding out skepticism for her perceived, and admittedly true withholdings. Nevertheless, his insistence on shotgun was a blessing to Petunia, Lottie had hopped in the backseat and made herself comfortable by sprawling along the bench, with her head squarely in Petunia’s lap. (There was a pesky feeling, that nagged in the back of Petunia’s mind, telling her that if she were a man, Jack might have perhaps taken issue with his beloved’s head in Petunia's lap. A concept that both managed to make her feel smug and also slightly enraged)

“Oh look! That one looks like a dolphin! D’you see it?” Lottie pointed up at the sky, Petunia let her head flop back, trying to interpret Lottie’s mangled description.” 

“No?” Lottie let out a heaving sigh.

“You’ve got to look. There- no- there.” 

“Now I think you’re just having me on.” 

“You just don’t have the same artistic flare that I do Petty.” Lottie sucked on her bottom lip to hold back a grin, Petunia rolled her eyes. Up front, the boys were bickering enthusiastically about some footballer, and Lottie began to fiddle with the beaded bracelet around Petunia’s wrist. Petunia settled as Lottie traced her fingers over Petunia’s hand, holding it above her heart. 

The sun started to hang low on the horizon, casting an orange glow over the car. The warm light turned Lottie’s usually cool features golden, onyx hair glistening red, eyes blazing a liquid gold. Petunia bushed her thumb over Lottie’s cheek, whipping at where the sun had singed freckles into her skin.

“Did you have a nice birthday?” Lottie's voice was barely audible over the brandishing wind.

Petunia nodded, feeling as if she spoke the moment would snap. She wanted to bottle it up, stay in that moment forever, undisturbed, unbothered as the world rushed past them. Petunia wondered if there was a spell for stopping time, for holding on to moments before they slipped away like water through a sieve. 

“Doesn’t that sound fun Char?” Jack’s voice broke through the wind, bursting the moment as Petunia snatched her hand away from Lottie’s face. Lottie held steady to Petunia’s other hand, as if she didn’t realize it was something fragile.

“Sorry, what’s that?” Lottie sat up, finally letting go of Petunia’s hand. 

“Circus is coming to town, sounds fun right.” Jack said, and Lottie slotted herself over the back of the bench, leaning in to answer him. Circus. Right. Mad fun. 

Sunset was nearing when they pulled into Petunia’s drive, they shuffled into the house right in time for dinner. Petunia’s mum had made a whole roast. Holly had been expressing her annual post-summer symptoms of sudden onset motherhood, which came about in the absence of her youngest daughter and included dotting over Petunia and her friends in excess. 

“How was the beach?” Holly said, then glanced down at Marty’s sandaled foot. “Martin, your foot is bleeding.” 

“Shi-sorry Mrs. Evans- I’ll just go-“ 

“I’ll help you.” Petunia ignored her mother’s raised eyebrow as Petunia ushered Martin upstairs to her bedroom. 

“Honestly this is why we need to take an interest in environmentalism, liter doesn’t just hurt the planet, it hurts-“ 

“Marty.” Petunia said quickly. Her stomach felt twisted into knots. They weren't on the beach anymore. Which meant that even though Petunia was not a witch, she did have the means to heal Marty's foot. And what kind of friend was she if she just let him continue to bleed for the fun of it? 

“What? Shouldn’t we be doing this in the bathroom, or-“ 

“Did you really think I was a witch?” Martin grimaced in embarrassment, ready to deny it- but, he had thought so. He'd thought Petunia had magic, all this time and he hadn't said anything. Not to her, not to anyone. He hadn't abandoned her in fear or told anyone about his suspicions. And after all, he'd already been keeping a secret even more precious to Petunia. 

“Oh- sorry, that was silly- I don’t know what I was-“ 

The statute of secrecy was the most sacred of magical laws. But, Petunia didn’t have magic. And if she wasn’t allowed to go to their silly schools, or visit their stupid magic shops, then why on earth was she following their laws? 

Fuck wizards. And fuck their sodding secrets. 

Petunia snatched a bottle from her desk drawer, green smoke leaking from it as she uncapped it. 

“Can you keep a secret?” 

Chapter Text

“Oh, this is dreadful!” Marlene let out a cry of protest from the dormitory floor, amidst splayed open trunks and abandoned piles of nick-nacks that had yet to make their way to their proper homes beneath beds or stuffed in the back of wardrobes. “Absolutely wretched! It throws off our whole dynamic! I mean- who are you? Who am I?” Marlene's eyes went wide and glassy, as her eyebrows waggled in existential questioning.

“What are you yammering about Marls?” Mary asked, as she tried for a third time to close the top drawer of her overstuffed dresser. 

“Lily. Just look at her!” Mary and Pandora both looked over their shoulders to stare at Lily, who found herself burning up under the gaze of all three of her dormmates. Marlene was being ridiculous. Lily looked the exact same as the year before. Yes, her hair was freshly cut, hitting sharply at the tops of her shoulders, and she was perhaps a hair more freckled than before from days spent in the August sun, but on the whole, there was hardly a difference. Frankly, Marlene was making a whole fuss about nothing.

Mary shrugged. “Looks the same to me.” 

Marlene huffed, as though it was obvious, waving her hand at Lily. “She’s taller.”

Was she? Lily certainly hadn't noticed any sort of dramatic growth spurt over the last two months. Though she had to admit she hadn't exactly been paying attention. She’d been rather busy that summer, so busy, it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Her schedule had been stuffed to the brim. The well-missed family time she'd been looking forward to: watching Thursday night reruns with her mother, helping Dad with whatever eccentric and slightly doomed woodshop project he'd taken up, faffing around with Pet under the guise of walking Alfie, well, it had all been a bit eclipsed by her new found obsession. See, she was rather worried about Remus. Actually, she'd been rather worried about him for years, with his frequent hospital visits and general poor health. And now, that she actually knew the reason why, well she couldn't very well sit back and do nothing, could she? 

Remus was against it, of course. His parents had spent the better part of his childhood whisking him away to different healers and gurus who claimed they could cure, or at least ease, the pain of his affliction, and every last one had been a dead end. And Madame Pomfrey had him on the best regimen she could, according to Remus. Which really meant there was nothing Lily could do. 

Which was utter lark, of course. She’d spent nearly the entire summer holed up in her bedroom, burning holes in her carpet where she’d charmed her cauldron to be self-heating, while she tested different variations of dittany and healing potions, and the other half rifling through Eileen’s grimoires for any helpful spells and recipes, Eileen didn’t much like Lily taking her books out of the house, but she was more than happy to let Lily copy down notes and muck about the kitchen, so long as she was gone by the time Mr. Snape got home for supper. 

The deficiency, with healing magic, it seemed, was that it was so effective. There were very few things that magic couldn't heal, which also meant, there was very little need for anything in the realm of pain management. And what little there was seemed to be stubbornly resistant to curse magic, just the same as the healing potions themselves. But just because no one had come up with something good enough in the past, didn't mean it couldn't be done. And if it could be, then Lily was going to be the one to do it. 

Least to say her summer had been rather thoroughly consumed. 

She hardly ended up spending any time with her family at all. She’d expected Petunia to be more put out about it, but thankfully Petunia seemed far too busy spending her time gossiping with Charlotte Duval and visiting her boyfriend who worked down by the factory. Her parents were just glad to see her taking such a serious commitment to her 'studies'. The fact that said studies were entirely extracurricular seemed like unnecessary information to share with them. 

Anyway, Lily had spent so much time hunched over her cauldron that summer she wouldn’t be surprised if she’d actually shrunk a few centimeters. 

Marlene let out a bereft groan and marched up to Lily until they were nose to nose, and made a show of measuring the distance between the top of their heads with her hand, jamming the tips of her fingers into Lily’s forehead. “See? This is all wrong! I can’t believe you would do this to me!” 

Now that Marlene had pointed it out, Lily's vantage point had changed, she distinctly remembered being able to look up Marlene’s nostrils the year before. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” 

“Like that matters!" Marlene scoffed. "This is terrible! What? Am I meant to look up at you now?” Marlene flung her head back and groaned, then turned a threatening glare to Mary and Pandora. “You two better not be thinking of growing any more.” 

“Well, I don’t really think-“ Pandora started. 

“I mean it!” Marlene said sternly, shaking her finger at Pandora threateningly. Not that she had much to worry about, Pandora had yet to even reach five feet, and Mary was hardly much ahead. 

Lily leaned her head on Marlene’s shoulder. “You. Are ridiculous.” 

Marlene squawked. “No! Absolutely not- gerroff me you giant!” 

“You could always go bunk with the firsties if you want to be the tallest.” Mary’s voice was soft and sweet in the way it got when she wanted to be particularly nasty. The sorting ceremony the night before had gifted Gryffindor with seven girls, and nine boys, the largest class in half a decade, all nervy and bug-eyed, eager to impress the older students with the sort of tenacity that made Lily embarrassed out of sheer association. 

Marlen flopped down onto her unmade bed and grumbled. “I hate you all.” 

Mary shoved her drawer closed. “You love us, and you would be absolutely miserable without us.” 

Marlene complained all the way to breakfast, sharing her discontent with the unsuspecting portraits they passed. She was all talk, of course, there was no chance in hell Marlene would decide to bunk off with the first-years, or even the second-years. And the empty dorm that had been Marlene’s solitary room back in her first year had long been swallowed up by the mysterious architecture of Hogwarts. Alice and Amelia might have taken pity on her, but Marlene had been conspicuously avoiding Amelia since last spring for reasons she refused to share with Lily, but went bright red whenever anyone brought it up. 

The Great Hall was already roaring with chatter by the time they arrived, the excitement of the new school year amplifying the already noisy dining hall. Marlene plunked down on the bench between Lily and Alice Fortesque and scowled at Remus and Peter, who were already eating breakfast across the table. “Neither of you better not have gotten any taller.” 

“Oh dear, is this about Remus?” Peter sighed. Remus froze like a kid caught with their hand in a cookie jar, a forkful of hash halfway to his mouth. 

“Lupin?” Marlene glowered. “Stand up.” 

“Do I have to?” Remus grumbled.  

“Yes.” Marlene said and scrambled to the other side of the table so they were back to back. It wasn’t even a contest, Remus eclipsed her by a full head. “Fucking shitbisciuts on spigot. This can not be happening.” 

“Oi McKinnon, stop swearing, you’re spooking the newbies.” Frank Longbottom’s scolding was betrayed by his tilted grin. Marlene plopped back down on the bench, squeezing herself between two first-year boys and hooking her arms around their shoulders.

“Nah, they should know what kind of trouble they’ve signed up for.” If Marlene’s intent was to intimidate and frighten the first-years on their very first morning at Hogwarts, she was very well succeeding. If the looks of terror on the boys’ faces were anything to go by.

“Technically we didn’t sign up-“ one of the young boys started, Sam... something, but neither Frank or Marlene paid him any mind. 

“The only trouble here is you Mick.” 

Marlene snorted. “Oh that’s hogwash, you and I both know what you did to the third-floor bathrooms last year.” 

“That was Ed!” Frank scoffed. 

Marlene let out a snort, “You’re such a liar.” 

“You are a lecherous scallywag.” 

Marlene gasped. “How dare you beseech my honor, you scoundrel.” 

“If I am a scoundrel then you are but a two-bit trollyhop!” 

Pandora leaned in and whispered to Lily. “What’s a trollyhop?” 

Lily shrugged, she rarely paid much mind when the third (now fourth) years got like this. Marlene was miming the motions of being shot through the heart with an arrow and falling off the bench.

“Can the two of you not act like children for five minutes?” Alice said with a sharp hiss, peering down at Marlene from the floor. 

“But we are children Al, how dare you steal our youth so quickly!” 

“Is this really the behavior of my star beaters? If this goes on I don’t know how I’m going to entrust you to be on the team.” Now that Gideon had graduated, the honor of Quidditch Captain had fallen to Alice, a responsibility and power she was welding with great humility.

Scrambling back to her seat, Marlene squeezed in next to Alice and rested her chin on her clasped hands. “Of course not, we’ll be on our best behavior, right Frankie?” 

Frank leaned back in his seat. “This is extortion. She’s an extortionist, you see that right?” Alice just shrugged gleefully and stole a sausage off of his plate.

“So.” Pandora said primly, as if to make a point of ignoring the older students, “Shall we discuss the itinerary for our first excretion into Hogsmeade?” 

The topic of Hogsmeade trips had been Pandora's central interest since boarding the train. Apparently, all those years listening to Apollo and Theus gloating about the joys of getting to journey into the village, like a big kid, had gotten to Pandora. The worst part was that Lily knew for a fact that Pandora had snuck into Hogsmeade on multiple occasions over the last two years under the protection of James’ invisibility cloak, so Lily didn’t quite understand where all her excitement was blooming from. 

“I’m thinking we begin at Zoinko’s, then stop for lunch at Madam Puddlefoots. I’d like for the boys to join us though they might take some convincing.”

“Speaking of which, where are Potter and Black? Breakfast is almost over.” Mary asked, glancing at Peter and Remus. “In the library.” Peter answered. Which, that couldn’t be right?

“The library?” Lily scoffed. James and Sirius didn’t fancy spending their free time in the library. Let alone miss breakfast to do so. And it was the first day of school. Not even Lily was enough of a swot to begin studying before her first class. 

Peter shrugged. “That’s what they said.” 

Lily didn’t believe him for a second. Sirius and James were no doubt up in the dorms plotting whatever back-to-school prank they had planned to introduce themselves to the newest class with, guaranteed to be some shade of disruptive and unpleasant.

…

With third year came elective courses, meaning less free time but the wondrous, beautiful addition of one Professor Silvanus Kettleburn. 

Professor Kettleburn, or Sil, as he insisted his students call him, was one of the most notorious and coveted professors at Hogwarts. Tales of his Beasts class spread far and wide as the most fun, most exciting class at all of Hogwarts. Everyone wanted to take his class.

Well everyone except Severus, apparently. Who had no interest in wasting his time in a ‘glorified petting zoo’, and opted for Arithmancy instead. An absurd opinion, but Severus had always been impressively stubborn and there was no convincing him otherwise. 

From the very first lesson, it was clear that Lily made the correct choice. If magical animals weren’t already an inherently more interesting topic than Arithmancy (which Petunia had lovingly referred to as ‘fake math’ and Lily was inclined to agree), Professor Kettleburn was a captivating enough teacher to make even the dullest subject engaging. And Beasts was not a dull subject. 

“Now you all may have heard the tales of these deadly beasts, but do not be misled by their menacing appearance, for they are as docile as a puppy dog.” Professor Kettleburn was young, for a professor, though he had certainly lived quite the life already. His hair was rich brown peppered with a silvery grey, though it didn’t make him look old, rather it made him look defined... distinguished, even. And a matching mustache that curled above his glistening white smile. He wore a finely crafted eyepatch, nestled into the valley above his chiseled cheekbone, it was beaded with emerald gemstones that matched his other, sparkling green eye. His left hand had been replaced with an ever-changing enchantment, changing from a claw to a hook to a silver-crafted hand at the whim of his wand. 

The third year class had huddled around Professor Kettleburn in the courtyard, he didnt’ have an official classroom, preferring to teach in open air of the Hogwarts grounds. Behind him was a large box roughly the size of a car, covered in a lustrous blue curtain. Professor Kettlburn pulled yanked on the curtain, revealing a large, scaly beast with dozens of protruding tusks hanging from its mouth. 

The other third year students stumbled away from the cage, the beast breathed heavily, his breath a pungent and strong wind that could be felt from several paces away. Lily braced herself and fought the instinct to jump back, she was intent on making a good first impression. 

“That’s a Graphorn.” Dorcas gasped amidst a huddle of Hufflepuffs. Drat, Lily wanted to be the first to identify the beast. 

“Aye, indeed it is. Miss?” 

“Meadows, Sir.” 

“You must be Tuma and Zuri’s kid?” Dorcas nodded. “Ah then you would know about this one, your parents are some of the best magizoologists around.” Dorcas beamed at the compliment. 

“Um, professor, are you sure it’s safe to have this here? Aren’t Graphorns really dangerous?” Peter piped up. 

“Nonsense my lad! Though they may seem frightening, they’re truly docile beasts, and please, call me Sil.” Professor Kettleburn flashed his charming smile then vanished the cage surrounding the Graphorn. “Now, who would like to meet it?” 

Despite the Graphorn’s fearsome appearance, every hand in class shot up. 

At the end of the lesson, Professor Kettleburn, who had climbed up to the top of the Graphorn's cage in place of a desk, assigned out their homework. “Now this class isn’t just for great beauties like Spike here. No, magical creatures are all around us. For your first assignment, I’d like you to take note of every magical creature you spot around campus. You may use your textbooks to help identify them. And whoever has spotted the most by next Monday will earn an extra five points on their first exam.” 

Lily wouldn’t miss her chance to make a good first impression. When class ended, Lily approached the cage, trying to pay no mind to the large rhinoceros-like monster staring back at her. “Professor.” 

“Sil, please. And your name my dear.” 

“Lily, um, Lily Evans. I was hoping I might ask you a question.” 

“I insist that you do.” Professor Kettleburn said with an excited nod. If Lily knew one thing, it was that taking additional interest in a subject was a quick way to gain a professor’s affection. A lesson she learned in first year, after inquiring Professor Flitwick about his primary field of study: the use of song in charm spell development, and ended up stuck listening to him talk to her for a good forty minutes past class. And also, she’d been dying for an answer to this particular question since first year.

“Oh, well I’ve just, I’ve been trying to figure how how it’s determined if a creature is magical or not. Obviously with certain ones, like salamanders or thestrials, but some magical creatures don’t seem any more magical than the animals in the muggle world. My pet kneazle doesn’t seem to do much but sit around like a regular cat and well, even this Graphorn, he doesn’t do any magic does he?” 

Professor Kettleburn looked down at Lily with a discerning silence, lips pressed thinly together. 

“Spike here is a she. And you’re right, she cannot perform magic. Though her tusks are often used in spells, and her hard skin is resistant to many spells. As for your kneazle, well they might seem to lie about like a common house cat, but kneazles have been known to perform all sorts of mysterious magic on their own, both camouflage and apparition are common among them, not to mention their warding abilities.” 

“Oh, right, yes that makes sense.” 

Professor Kettleburn's lip twisted into a clever grin. “Of course, lion pelts also have the ability to repel dark magic, and hares have been known to travel across worlds, not to mention, their feet are a common potion ingredient for their good luck, and of course, crows have long been known for their powers of precognition.” 

That was exactly what she'd been saying this whole time. “Exactly! So then, how is it decided?” 

“Did you know...” Professor Kettleburn said with renewed enthusiasm. “That the red panda, is not actually a panda? In fact, it’s not a bear at all, more of a-a weird raccoon, actually. And the King Cobra, is not a cobra either. And did you know, that dogs and wolves were initially classified as two different species, but are now considered to be more of, sub-species of one another?”

He had lost her. “Oh, that’s very interesting, but I’m not sure how-“ 

“And even people! Well, we’re really nothing more than a common monkey, but you’d seldom see us categorizing ourselves as one among the beasts.” 

“Oh, erm-“

“My point, my dear, is that us people are quite interested in the act of giving animals names and boxes to live in, but beasts, they don’t give much of a toss about those boxes. Do you understand?” 

She didn't. That didn't answer her question at all. “I think so?” 

“Don’t fret, I believe you’ll get it in due time. It’s all about asking the right questions, so I dare say you’re off to a good start.” Professor Kettleburn offered her another one of his blinding grins. Lily still wasn’t quite sure she’d gotten an answer to her question, but at least she’d seemed to succeed at making her impression. 

“Bit early in the school year to start with the arse kissery isn't it, Evans?” James snickered as she returned to the castle with the other Gryffindors. 

“Oh shove off, I was just asking a question. Taking an interest, you should try it some time, might improve your marks.” 

James scoffed. “How dare you. You and I both know I have excellent marks.” 

“You cheat.” Lily flicked him with her wand. 

“I do not. And even if I did, would that not be a testament to my superb ingenuity. If anything, getting an O through cheating is more impressive than getting it by memorizing a bunch of faff in a book.” 

“That’s bollocks.” 

“It is not. Besides, how is that any different than sucking up to gain preferential treatment? It’s not fair for you to garner favoritism you know.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “It’s completely different. And, you could have stayed behind to ask a question, though I suspect that would require you to have any thoughts inside that giant head of yours.” 

“I have plenty of thoughts thanks, and I don’t need to arsekiss or cheat to get excellent marks, in fact, I bet I’ll be able to identify the most creatures of the whole class.” 

Lily snorted. “Sure you will.” 

“I will, I’m very observant you know. Silvy will be quite impressed with me.” 

“Oh yeah, who’s the swot now?”

“I’m not a swot, it’s natural talent.” James bared his crocodile teeth at her.  

“As if, there’s no way you’ll win Professor Kettleburns contest, you have the observational skills of a blind chicken.” 

“First of all, that’s insulting to blind chickens, secondly, are you willing to bet on it?” 

Lily was willing to bet on it. Not galleons of course. But through several rounds of negotiating she and James came to a quite reasonable agreement: whichever one of them one Professor Kettleburns contest would get to make the loser drink a potion of their choosing and making, with the parameters that the effects of the potion were reversible of course and wouldn’t lead to maiming, death or jail (parameters which only came about when Mary and Peter overheard the contest, and insisted on interjecting with their rules for safety.). Which still left a lot of room for something horrid, but Lily wasn’t worried, she had no intentions on losing.

…

Lily spotted a jabberknowl buzzing in the trees through the window, that made seven. Lily made a note about it on the edge of her transfiguration textbook. McGonnagal paced at the front of the classroom. The focus of their first term was on human transfiguration. They’d spent the first day learning how to turn their own hair a shocking shade of blue, something, which Lily had, of course, done a time or two before she’d gotten to Hogwarts, though her hair always tended to like purple and chartreuse more than blue. McGonnagal was so impressed by the class's success that she’d quickly moved ahead now to full bodied transfiguration. Professor Slughorn had come in the day before to show off his special affinity for furniture spells. 

Now, McGonnagal lectured on about the dangers of self-transfiguration gone astray. People turning their legs to wood, or becoming trapped in the body of a laurel tree. Trees seemed to be a particular stickler among wizards. “…but if done correctly.” McGonnagall disappeared, shrinking down into the form of a striped tabby cat, complete with two black rings around her eyes as spectacles. The class gasped as she returned. “The results can be quite freeing.” 

“How do you become an animagi?” Sirius blurted out, not bothering to raise his hand. 

McGonnagal huffed through a tight smile. “Through many years of dedicated devotion to the craft.” 

James’ hand shot up. “Yes, Mister Potter.” 

“Yes, but how?” 

“The process of becoming an animagus is a long and laborious one that requires absolute mastery of potions, transfiguration, charms, and one's own mind. I encourage any students who are interested in the process to seek my guidance, once they have entered their seventh year.” 

“But-“

“For anyone younger to attempt the process, would be highly dangerous and disastrous, not to mention likely to draw legal action upon the school.” Professor McGonnagal shot the boys a stern glare and continued with the lesson 

…

A first year named Arullia Cornell had a purple wide mouthed toad that she’d brought to Hogwarts as a pet. That made fourteen creatures so far, and it was only Friday. Lily had the entire weekend to find even more. At this rate, she’d certainly beat James. 

She wrote down the frog in her notebook along with a crude sketch of the animal, and tucked it away in the pocket of her robe. Lily was nestled on one of the sofas in the common room, packed to the brim with nearly all of Gryffindor house. 

It was this year’s inaugural muggle music night. Which had been inundated with new enthusiasm thanks to James, Sirius, and Pandora’s recent entry into Muggle Studies, which, as far as Lily could tell, was full of misinformation and misapplications of muggle technology. 

Mary and Sirius were insistent that Muggle Music Night be mandatory, at least for the first and second years, most of which had never seen a vinyl record before. Sirius seemed to have some sort of awakening over the summer, over his grossly obvious lack of understanding of muggle culture, and became intensely concerned with rectifying this gap in knowledge for himself, and all other Gryffindors.

Pandora squished onto the couch next to Lily, handing her a contraband hot cocoa that had been kept under a stasis charm since supper. Mary fiddled with her new cassette player when Pandora asked. “Mary, did you know that the King of America makes music?”

Mary glanced at Pandora with resigned fondness for her cluelessness. "America doesn’t have a king, it has a President.” 

“Oh, well- him! Professor Grant told us all about him, and actually played a tune of his, it was quite good, actually. Do you have any more of his songs?” 

Mary sighed deeply, “Pandy, I know, certainly, there is no way on god’s green earth you are talking about President Nixon.” 

“I can’t quite remember his name…” Pandy frowned.

Remus snickered and piped up. “She’s talking about Elvis.” 

Lily choked on her hot chocolate, burning up her nose. 

“Oh good grief.” Mary sighed. “Pandy, Elvis is not the King of America.” 

“He is the king of rock and roll though.” Remus added solemnly. 

“Where’s Rockinrole?” Pandora asked. 

“God, have I taught you nothing?” Mary cried. 

“Really Dora? Even I know what Rock n’ Roll is.” Sirius said smugly. 

“Yes, Mick Jagger, we all know how much you adore muggle rock.” Lily snickered. 

Sirius' face scrunched up, he'd decided sometime last spring that The Rolling Stones were passe. “I resent that.” 

“Good.” Lily stuck her tongue out at him. “Rem, you’re supposed to be helping them, I’m not sure what the point of you taking that class is if you’re not going to prevent these idiots from believing insane things about muggles?” 

“What? Like that Richard Nixon is a world-class musician? Because I'll have you know that has been the highlight of my week.” 

“Why are you taking muggle studies?” Marlene asked, she was sandwiched between her two shadows, Rory and Ainsley McKinnon, neither of which were technically allowed in the Gryffindor Common Room, but no one had piped up to tell them to leave thus far. 

Remus shrugged. “Easy O.” 

“Or it would be if Professor Grant knew what he was talking about, Moony’s had to correct him like seven times.” Sirius snorted. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Mary climbed up onto the coffee table. “Welcome to the first muggle music night of the year. The rules are, as always, no wizard bands, and no requests unless you’re a third year or above.” 

“But-“ Started Simon Stebbins, a second year, and Mary shot him a stern glare. 

“No requests. And please hold all questions to the end of the set. In honor of the band that inspired these events, we will be starting off with a song by The Beatles, which is the name of a now-disbanded group of men, not actual singing insects, and is only, perhaps, the most famous song in the world.” Mary hopped down from the coffee table and toddled with the button on her recorder until the familiar tune of Yesterday filled the room. which, Lily didn't really think it was the most famous song in the world, but whatever.

Mary took the musical education of the newbies very seriously, guiding them through a wide variety of popular muggle music: The Who and Carly Simon and Led Zeppelin and The Stooges, and Elton John, who Remus hated. Lily couldn't comprehend why until Rocket Man played and James graced the entire common room with the most horrendous vocal accompaniment Lily had ever heard, loudly drowning out Mary's track no matter how high she turned the volume dial. 

The whole common room frightened the first years, when Solid Gold Easy Action came on next, which Mary had been religiously playing since last christmas, and even the less enthusiastic gryffindor’s couldn’t help but join in the synchronized clapping as everyone shouted along to the du nu nu nu nu nu na hey hey hey! 

By the song's end, the first years had caught on and joined in. As the song faded out and into a swath of breathless giggles, it was replaced with the sound of heavy footsteps clomping down the stairs. Marcus Goulding, a sixth-year prefect, stood with squinting eyes and ratted hair at the end of the stairs. “What the bloody hell is going on down here?” 

“Music night!” One of the first years answered. 

“Come on, it’s way past curfew and- you two!” He pointed at the two stowaway McKinnons. “You’re not even supposed to be here.” 

“Sorry Marcus! We just got a bit carried away, they’re going back to their dorms now, right?” Rory and Ainsley nodded in sync and scampered from their seats. 

“They better, I’d really rather not write anyone up-“ 

“Oh come on Goulding!” Mary cried.

“Just, everyone get to bed, these walls aren’t soundproof you know.” He turned around and stalked back off to bed and the crowd dissipated, all off to their respective dorms. 

Lily readied for bed and crawled under her blankets, but before she could go to sleep, Mary barreled into her bed and collapsed on top of it with a bounce. 

“I’ve been thinking, maybe we should start a proper club.” Mary said. “It’s just getting a little crowded on Fridays and some people from other houses have expressed interest.” 

“What people?”

“Oh you know well the twins, and…some of the Hufflepuff girls, and Emmaline has been asking me about muggle disco and I thought she might like to come.” 

“Emmeline? Vance?” Lily said with disbelief. Emmaline Vance didn’t seem the type to interest herself in muggle music of any kind, let alone disco. 

“Do we know any other Emmaline’s?” Lily perched her eyebrow up. “What?” 

Well she’s a bit… cold innit she?” Emmaline had certainly never given Lily the time of day

“What? No she’s not! She’s- I like her.” 

“Oh I know you do.” Lily giggled, and Mary’s cheeks turned a dark and patchy red, her eyes boring into the blanket. “Mare, do you- do you fancy Emmaline?” 

“No! I-mean, well-um- yeah.” She finally looked up from Lily’s drab bedding. “Is that alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah it’s alright.” After all, Mary had been lamenting about Emmaline’s shiny hair, and loopy handwriting for two years now, it was not as though it came as a shock. 

The curtains to Lily’s bed ripped open and Pandora’s head popped in. 

“Jesus Pandy! Warning.” 

“Sorry!” Pandora crossed her arms and leaned her head on the edge of the bed. “Whatcha talking about?” 

“Emmaline Vance.” Lily snickered. 

“Oh Mary, have you finally worked up the courage to confess your love to her?” 

“What? No! I don’t love her. I just think she’s you know-“ 

“No we really don’t know, what is she, Mary?” Lily nudged her toes into Mary’s ribs,

“I could talk to her if you’d like, our brothers are friends I’m sure I could put in a good word-“

“No! Absolutely not! Pandy don’t you dare.” Mary squeaked.

“I just want to help-“ 

“Yeah Mary, she just wants to help.” 

“Oi, shut it! Why don’t we talk about your love life then? Finally mustered up the courage to confess to Lupin?” Mary snickered. Not this again. 

“For the last time, I don’t fancy Rem.” 

“Of course not, those moon eyes you give him all the time are just looks of friendship then are they? Hmm?” 

“Yes- or- Whatever! It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t see me that way, we’re just friends.”

“You’re pathetic.” Mary deadpanned. Whatever. Whatever feelings Lily did or did not have for Remus Lupin were none of anyone’s bloody business. 

“Shut up. Can we talk about this muggle club again?” 

“Muggle club?” Pandora tilted her head, leaning onto one arm.

“Yeah, Mare was talking about turning music night into a real club.” 

“Oh that’s a brilliant idea! You could show everyone how to play that game, the one with the little buttons with letters on it.” 

“Typewriters aren’t a game.” 

“They are if you want it to be.” Pandora insisted. Her eyes flew wide. “Oh! I almost forgot what I popped in for! I’ve come up with a new charm to make my hat float. Come see!” 

…

An iceant crawled over the edge of Professor McGonnagal’s mahogany desk, that made twenty six. Professor McGonnagal was staring down at Mary and Lily with a shrewd look. “I’m just not quite sure I see the function. Hogwarts already offers muggle studies as an elective, you know. If you two would like to transfer-“ 

“No.” Mary said quickly. “No, professor, I know there’s a muggle studies class, but it isn’t-“ 

“It’s utter shit. Is what it is.” Lily couldn’t help herself.  

“Miss Evans!” 

“Sorry! But, well it is.” Lily said. “Professor Grant doesn’t know a telephone from a tennis racket.” 

“I can assure you both, Professor Grant is a very competent professor, her students have excellent newt scores.” 

“Newts tests made by wizards.” 

“The ministry takes great care to vet the accuracy of the tests, I took the test myself as a students and-“ 

“Do you know what dinosaur is?” Mary said abruptly. “Or the Beatles? Or Sputnik, or who one the World Series last year?” 

 Professor McGonnagal blinked hard. “I- I of course have heard of beatles.”

“No not beatles, The Beatles, only the most popular band in the world.” The Beatles were Mary’s goto barometer of muggle knowledge. “Please, professor, there’s so much muggle culture that isn’t taught in muggle studies, this would be more than a class, it would be a club for-cultural appreciation and-“

“And other subjects have clubs don’t they. Brewing club and dueling club, even transfiguration has it’s own club, that you’re the overseer of, if I’m not mistaken.” Lily added. 

“Well- yes I suppose that’s true.” 

“Certainly there’s no harm. Heaven knows there’s enough spare rooms here.” 

“Alright. I suppose, you make a quite good argument, and who am I to stand in the way of student interests. But- you need to have a faculty supervisor.” 

“But-“ 

“As is standard practice for all school sanctioned clubs.” 

“Will you do it?” 

“I’m afraid my responsibilities have already taken me to the edge of my ability, looking after a hoard of hooligans is enough of a responsibility. But, find yourself a supervisor and you have my approval.” 

The search for a supervisor turned out more difficult than they had planned. Most claimed to be far too busy, Professor Slughorn had flat out refused, Professor Flitwick had pondered the idea, but it became quickly clear that their idea of a ‘muggle club’ would very quickly dissolve into nonsense. 

“Are any of the professors here even muggle-born?” Lily asked. “That seems like it’d be the best option.” 

“Professor Charlston- maybe?” Fortunately, the library at Hogwarts kept profiles on all the professors at Hogwarts. Lily and Mary began scouring through the stacks, when Lily spotted an unusual pair of students with their noses shoved in books. 

“What the bloody earth are they doing?” Lily asked, she’d never so much as seen James Potter crack open a textbook, at least never in a public space where it could be misconstrued as an earnest effort. James and Sirius operated under the absurd belief that if you were smart enough, you wouldn’t need to study in order to ace exams.. Infuriatingly, they seemed to be mostly proven correct on that front. 

Lily stomped over to them. "You two are up to something." 

"Up to something? Why ever would we be up to something?" James said with an air of nonchalance, even as he scrambled to snap shut the great big book infront of him.

Sirius leaned back in his chair. "I don't think we're up to something, do you think we're up to something James?"

"I certainly think I'd know if we were, Sirius" 

"Oh bugger off! I know you are." Lily had thought Peter had been joking when he said James and Sirius were spending time in the library. Or lying, or lied to. But here they were, books splayed about like they were actually being used.

"Honestly Evans you really should work on that whole minding your own business… business." Said Sirius. 

"Besides, even if we were, up to something, its wouldn't be anything for you to worry about."

"Right, what's that you're always saying? We're always up to no good so what does it matter anyway?"

"Hah! So you admit it? You are up to something," 

"We admit nothing." Sirius said, eyes twinkling as if to challenge her.

“Please, I’ve never so much as seen you two crack open a textbook.” 

“Maybe we’ve turned a new leaf.” 

Lily snorted. 

“Whatever we may or may not be doing is not a big deal, trust us, or trust Mary, she knows.” Sirius said. Lily turned to Mary, betrayed.

“I do?” Mary blinked. 

“Yes. I- it was in my letter to James. You know the one I-” Sirius waved his hand about as if that had any meaning.

“I didn’t read it.” 

“Oh, you didn’t?” 

“No. It’s illegal to read other people’s mail.” Mary said, as if that would have actually stopped her. Truely, it was more likely that Mary was simply being a good friend and respecting Sirius’ privacy, but that was much to earnest a sentiment for the current situation.

“I would have read it.” Lily shrugged. “So what is it? You’ve practically already told Mary, so now you have to tell us.” 

“We have to do nothing of the sort.” Sirius said. Lily groaned and pulled one of the open textbooks from the table. 

“This is just our Transfiguration textbook?” 

“See?” James smirked. Lily groaned and stomped away, dragging Mary with her. 

…

In the end, Remus beat out the entire class for the creature counting contest, a result which, honestly, even Lily was a bit surprised by. Remus shrugged it off with something about having a good eye for animals. Still, Lily’s final count was 32 to James’ 28, which made her the clear winner. Though James insisted that they both then drink a potion of the other’s choosing, which seemed to Lily to be the worst possible solution. 

“This is just sleekeazy?” Lily swished the little bottle around, the boy’s dormitory had so many bottles lying around she would know it by smell alone. 

“Is it? Are you sure?” James said.

“Oh come on Potter, you have to at least tell me what it is.” 

“It is sleekeazy. Now, what’ve you got for me?” Lily shoved a tiny green vial into James’ hand. “What’s it do?” 

“Turns you into an arse.”  

“Really?” James sounded much too excited about that. 

“No, not really. Well… sort of. Just drink it.” 

“Merlin alright, you too, you don’t drink it though you.” James made a silly motion of waving his hand above his head, miming pouring the potion in his hair. 

“Yeah I know how sleekeazy works.” Lily was certain that’s what it was, from it’s oily texture and unmistakable orange scent, though knowing James he probably laced it with something that would make all her hair fall out. 

James threw back his potion and Lily watched in delight as the discomfort grew on the boy’s face. His hands flew to his behind, where something was flailing beneath his robe. “Is that-is- did you give me a tail?!” 

Lily couldn’t hold in the laughter any more as James dug beneath his robes to expose a freshly grown donkey’s tail. “I told you it turns you into an arse.” She cackled. 

“Wait- am I- is the rest of me going to turn into a donkey?” James’ eyes bulged through his glasses as he quickly adjusted his robe to cover his newfound tail. It hadn’t been all that hard to do. Just a few adjustments to the nightsight potion, and Lily found she could easily make a potion that changed any body part to that of a specific animal. She hadn’t exactly tested this specific brew yet, but seemingly, it worked perfectly. 

Lily doubled over with laughter, only to find her hair had begun to rattle and shake. Hanging down in front of her face, was her very own hair had turned a vibrant shade of green and began to move about like she’d stepped into a tornado. 

“I thought you said it was sleekeazy?!” Lily screeched through her laughter. 

“It is!” James said, then began cackling himself, his laughter sounding more like a bray than usual. 

…

Thankfully, the potion, which James still insisted was in fact, plain sleekeazy, wore off after a few days of keeping it tightly bound with a dozen hair ties and pins. Lily didn’t have any express confirmation that James’ tail had disappeared, but he’d stopped squirming when he sat down, so she had to assume it did. Though he hadn’t stopped pestering her over the details of the potion: how she made it, if she’d made any other animal related potions, how she made those. It was rather odd, James taking such an interest in her potionry. He wanted to know if she’d ever made a potion that fully transformed someone into an animal. Which, of course she hadn’t. Potions of that caliber were akin to brews like polyjuice, which aside the legality, and the risk, were mostly not worth the effort. If she were to attempt it, she might as well just become a- 

The realization dawned on her one afternoon at the end of Charms. Sirius and James newfound study habits, James interest in her potions, a briefly shutdown conversation between the boys and Professor McGonnagal. They were trying to become animagi. 

When the class ended, Lily shot up from her seat and darted out of the classroom to where James and Sirius had flounced ahead. She grabbed them by the shoulders and dragged them into an empty alcove.

“I know what you two are doing.” 

“We’re not doing anything.” Sirius crossed his arms, but James flushed a dark pink, like he knew he’d been caught.

“Animagi.” 

“What?” Sirius scoffed, he was quite an excellent liar. 

“Animagi, that’s what you two are up to.” 

“Is not.” Said James, less excellent a liar. 

Sirius sighed.“I think you’re a bit obsessed with us Evans.” 

“Don’t avoid the question- animagi, I’m right aren’t I?” 

“Ugh, fine, yes.” James said, earning him an elbow to the ribs from Sirius. 

“But why?” Lily understood that James and Sirius did all sorts of pointless and dangerous things, but this seemed to far outmatch anything they’d done before.

“Isn't it obvious?” Sirius groaned, “to help Remus.” 

“To help Remus? How on earth would this help Remus?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes and glanced around the empty alcove. “Werewolves are pack animals. The reason he gets so anxious during the full and tears himself up like that is because he’s not supposed to be alone. But if he had other animals around, he might not.” 

“So you want to turn into animals to keep him company? On the full moon? Don’t you think he’d immediately, you know, eat you?” 

“Werewolves only crave human flesh, not animals.” James added. “So if we're animals then…” 

“And does Remus know this idea of yours? Because I don’t think he’d exactly appreciate you doing this behind his back.” 

“He knows.” 

“More or less.” James shrugged. 

“Okay. I’m in.” 

“You’re in? I don’t recall either of us asking for your help.” Sirius said. 

“Well too bad, I’m helping.” 

“We don’t need your help. Besides, you heard McG, it’s very advanced. Dangerous too. We can’t be responsible for helping you keep up.” Sirius said. 

“Oh that’s rubbish, my marks are just as good as yours.” 

Sirius snorted. “They are not.” 

“I’m better at charms, and potions. You need me.” 

Sirius snorted. “We do not.” 

“Oh really? So you’ve figured it all out on your own then? Because Potter sure did have a lot of questions about my potion, it seems to me, like you don’t know where to start.” 

“James.” Sirius hissed. “We do. We know what we’re doing, there’s just- well it’s not exactly well documented, and a lot of the sources are contradictory. Every potion recipe is different and-” 

“Let me see them.” 

“What? No!” 

“I could help. Like I said, no one knows their way around a cauldron better than me, and well maybe Sev but-“ 

“See that’s exactly why we don’t want your help, you’re friends with that snake.” 

“That doesn’t- that’s got nothing to do with this.” Lily had spent all summer looking desperately for a way to help Remus, and finally, this was something that just might do the trick. “Please. I just want to help Remus.” 

Sirius muttered. “See, I told you she was in love with him.” 

“I am not! Or- it doesn’t matter, I just want to help.” 

“This is dangerous.” Sirius glared at her. “And illegal. You could end up in jail- do you know about wizard jail? It’s not like those cushy muggle places.” Lily didn’t think there was anything cushy about muggle jails, but she held Sirius’ gaze steadfast.

James and Sirius seemed to stare at eachother out of the corner of their eyes for a long time. “Ugh, fine.” Sirius wined. 

Chapter Text

Petunia half expected some mysterious agent of the Ministry of Magic to show up on her doorstep and arrest her the moment she uncorked the bottle of essence of dittany in Marty's presence. Well, perhaps not that very moment, but within the hour at least, or perhaps the day after. But a week passed, then another, and no such wizards had appeared to punish her for trespassing on their sacred rule.

In fact, not much of anything happened at all. Martin, of course, was rather flummoxed about it all. As it turned out, an entire secret society of witches and wizards with their own schools and government had not exactly matched the kitchen practitioner he had been imagining.

Not to mention the dragons.

He had a proper fit when she told him about the dragons.

Petunia wasn't even sure he believed her about all that faff until she took him to meet Erdy, who introduced Martin to the water leaper he had allegedly been keeping as a pet, much to the apparent ire of the winged frog.

However, apart from the occasional addition of Martin's voice in her ear, pressing her for information about fairies and secret train platforms, nothing of consequence had come from telling Martin about magic. He didn't shun her or run to the town square, shrieking about heratics. Not that she expected him to. But she had to admit, that years of Lily and Severus shrieking about the horrors that would befall them if muggles learned of magic had worn on her. Filled her with just enough prickling anxiety to keep her mouth shut. After all, she was no stranger to the judgments of men towards what they believed to be sacrilege.

But none of that had happened. In fact, nothing of any note had. It was a relief to have someone to divulge her secrets to, but otherwise, she was having a perfectly normal and rather uneventful autumn.

"What's a nine-letter word for hideously ugly?" Lottie chewed on her gloved finger as she glared at her crossword. The late October chill had set in, far past the point where anyone should have been spending their lunch outdoors, but most of Petunia's classmates, herself included, were far too stubborn to stop.

"Charlotte?" Petunia answered sweetly, perching her chin on her hands as she leaned on the old birch picnic table. Martin snorted into his thermos, splashing soup into his face as Lottie's eyes bore daggers into Petunia.

"Ha. Ha. What's a seven-letter word for 'raging cunt'?"

Petuna scoffed and kicked Lottie beneath the table, quickly devolving into a match of foot wrestling.

"Hiya." Petunia tore her feet away at the sound of Jack's voice. That boy was always popping up without warning. He plopped down in the seat next to Lottie, his large puffer coat shifting noisily against the bench as he kissed Lottie on the cheek. "Are you doing the crossword?"

"Yep, what's a seven-letter word for raging cunt?" Petunia chirped. She had decided her new approach to Jack was to speak to him as sweetly as possible, like one might to a child, seeing as he was too dim to ever notice her sarcasm anyway.

Jack ignored her. "What on earth for?"

"Because- my father said it's good practice for my O-Levels." And, it was that or enrolling in a preparatory class, which Lottie was adamant about avoiding at all costs.

"I love how studious you are, darling." Jack said, and Petunia had to stop herself from gagging. Perhaps Petunia would find him more tolerable if he weren't continually, utterly, full of shit.

Lottie rubbed her cheek against Jack's shoulder. "Where've you been off to, lunch is almost over."

Jack frowned. "I was helping Priscilla to the nurse's office." Ever the knight in shining armor, apparently.

"Is she alright?" Priscilla did have a habit of ignoring her surroundings and finding herself planted squarely on her arse with alarming frequency.

"I suspect so, rather inconsolable though, the poor thing."

"What, why?" Lottie gasped, but Petunia could see the excitement spreading through her. Lottie took to gossip like a fish to water.

Jack on the other hand looked like he'd rather be anywhere else, eyes darting between the three of others before landing solidly on his own two hands. "Oh, I thought everyone would've heard. Jared's left school."

"What? Jared? As in Jared. " Martin balked. It wasn't as if they knew any others.

"Uh huh. You really didn't hear?"

"No." Martin's face scrunched together like a raisin.

Lottie snorted. "What? Did Mr. Sallenger catch him drinking in the loo again?"

"No. Er- Priscilla says his parents have sent him to a hospital down south."

"A hospital? Why?" Lottie gawked. When Petunia was in year nine, Rebecca Adelson was diagnosed with leukemia and had to leave school to receive medical care at a hospital in Birmingham. She died four months later.

But everyone had been able to tell that Becky was sick. She'd stopped speaking in glass and her skin had turned the color of dull ivory. Jared certainly hadn't seemed sick at all. Unless you counted his midly notorious drinking problem.

"er, psychiatric treatment." Jack muttered.

A slimy abscess swelled in Petunia's throat. Jared wasn't insane. There were, however, lots of reasons someone might be sent away to a mental institution. Drug addiction, psychotic break, suicide attempt. Perhaps it was the alcoholism after all. But there was one reason in particular, that made Petunia's stomach curdle just to think about, and it was the only thing that could account for the sour look twisted across Jack's face.

"What the hell?" Martin wracked a hand through his hair. "Why?"

"He um- well Priscilla said- um."

Lottie groaned. "Christ's sake, Just spit it out, Jack."

"His folks caught him ah- in an unsavory act with another boy." The lump in Petunia's throat crashed into the pit of her stomach.

"What?" Lottie shrieked. "Jared is not a- there's no way he could be-." She went on sputtering. Martin's face had turned white as a sheet.

Jack's shoulders scrunched and fell in a heavy bounce. "Apparently he is."

"But- he couldn't- I mean he's so- and Priscilla." Lottie had always been an excellent liar. A performer, really. But Petunia couldn't tell if this was one of Lottie's performances. Which wasn't to say that Petunia wasn't shocked. Over the revelation of Jared's apparent homosexuality or the fact that he'd been hauled off to some sort of hospital, both were a rather unpredicted twist. But still, the open befuddlement on Lottie's face, as if it were unfathomable that a person might entertain relationships with both men and women, the exact thing Lottie had been doing herself for months now, couldn't be anything besides performance. Still, the look of abject horror spread across Lottie's face was starting to make Petunia feel sick.

"I suppose you never really know people." Petunia answered.

Lottie hardly acknowledged her. "Do you- who was the other boy?"

Jack shrugged. "Dunno. 'Cilla didn't know who it was." Petunia forced herself to keep her gaze away from Marty. Martin had never divulged the details of any of his escapades, but Petunia knew they existed. And Jared was his best friend, besides Petunia of course. Co-best friends, they were.

"So they shipped him off to a treatment center? Just like that?" The anger in Martin's voice was hardly held back. Stupid of him to speak, really. He could probably pass it off as concern for his closest friend (besides Petunia) if pressed, but it hardly seemed worth the risk.

"Well, I suppose it's better than the clink."

"Being gay isn't a crime, Lot." Petunia couldn't control the sneer in her voice, Lottie flinched.

"He's underage, so it is actually." Martin mumbled, the anger in his voice hardening into something stone like.

"Well maybe- maybe they'll be able to help him. I had a cousin who went through one of those programs and he says it really helped him so maybe-" Jack trailed off, like even he didn't really believe that.

"Right. We should get to class. Wouldn't want to be late." Martin shoved his thermos back in rucksack and stomped off, Petunia hurried to follow him. Her fingers had gone numb, the quicker she was out of the cold the better.

….

"What about hobbits?" It had become a familiar call and response. Martin would ask her about a particular formerly believed fictional thing, and Petunia would answer.

"Hobbits?"

"Yeah, from-"

"I know what they're from." Petunia's head fell back against the rough brick, snagging her hair as she exhaled the smoke from a menthol cigarette, coughing slightly. Marty said that they were supposed to go down easier than regular ones, but as far as she could tell, that was utter faff.

"And, no-" Unlike the wizards and dwarfs, Tolkien had invented hobbits himself when he wrote the Lord of the Rings. And Tolkien wasn't a wizard,. At least, Petunia didn't think so. Considering the elves in his stories weren't anything like the fae that actually existed it seemed unlikely. Besides, real wizards all seemed to have an absolute aversion to muggles, let alone spending their time writing muggle books. "I don't think so."

"Too bad." Martin huffed. Petunia didn't think hobbits, or the lack of their existence at least, was any great loss.

Martin stubbed the burnt end of his cigarette and replaced it with a fresh one. Petunia worried he was developing a bit of a problem. Or perhaps he'd always had one. Only it was more noticeable in his solemn state. No quick wit or enthusiastic charisma to distract from the rate at which he burned through them. (It was a nasty habit, really. She should stop herself. And she would. Eventually)

"Did you know?" Petunia risked the question, it was none of her business really, if she had any sense she'd keep her curiosity to herself. "About Jared?"

"No." Martin dug his hands deep into his pockets, hiding them from the blistering cold that had set in.

Petunia didn't have any sense. "I thought maybe you were the-"

"No. No, I've no idea who it was." Martin clenched his eyes shut, like he was in pain. Petunia supposed it didn't matter if he did know, she doubted he'd tell her who it was anyway.

"Fuck, poor Jared." Petunia never thought much of the boy. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with him. But he fell squarely in the same category as all the other boys at her school: mostly dumb and entirely too arrogant for Petunia's liking. He was good for a laugh every once in a while, but mostly, Jared fell into the innocuous category of 'Marty's friend'. In orbit, but hardly consequential.

Still, it was awful. Petunia could hardly stomach imagining it: his own parents catching him like that, packing him up, and shipping him off to some sodding hospital, all with the promise of making him 'better'. She didn't know Mr and Mrs Lewis: if they were kind, or stern, even headed or quick tempered bigots. She couldn't help thinking of her own parents: her carefree mother, who'd never given much of a care to what either of her children did as long as they came home with their full sets of teeth and unbroken bones, and her father, her sweet, gentile father, with his poetic waxwings about the art of bird house carving and quiet grumblings about the prime minister. They weren't the sort of parents to throw a fit, but she could see it still: tears welling in her father's eyes, her mother eagerly making arrangements through someone who knew someone. The insistence that this would be good for everyone, that it would fix her. Like she was a broken clock being sent in for repair.

"You don't think, if your parents ever found out that they would, do that do you?"

"No." Martin frowned. "Fairly sure my Pa'd just beat me to a bloody pulp where I stood."

"Don't say that." Mr. Wallis was a rather surly man. He didn't fancy himself a talker, at least not in Petunia's company. But he had a cool and even temperament. Surely he'd never-

"Why? It's true." Martin hiccuped, like it was a laughing matter. "You don't know him." Perhaps Martin was right. "Recon you'd be alright though."

"What? Why?"

"Your sister is a real life witch who studies magic at a secret magic school. Clearly, they have no qualms with the likes of heathens."

"I'm not a heathen. And neither is Lily." Petunia protested, though she could hardly substantiate it: it had been a long time since she felt any sort of conviction in her faith.

"Still, you can't really think they'd be alright with all that magic stuff and not with you being a bit of a bender." Petunia snorted, 'bit of a bender' was putting it lightly.

"It's not the same." Lily had a gift. Maybe it was some quirk of genetics or a random act of chance, Petunia didn't know. Either way, Lily was god touched. Her magic was power. Real, raw, untapped power. Petunia wasn't anything like that.

"Who knows." Petunia tried for a smile. "Perhaps I'd be better off if they did ship me off to some treatment facility ." She didn't mean it. She'd heard stories of what sort of thing went on in a place like that. Not many, mind you, but every so often someone C list celebrity would write a tell-all, meant to rock and upend the system, and Petunia would lock herself in the bathroom as she read through the pages of some 2 pence magazine, and nothing would change.

"Fuck off, don't say that shit."

"You're right. Those wankers could never fix me. I'm far too stubborn for that." She forced an airiness to her voice, dropping the butt of her cigarette and stuffing it out beneath her mary jane.

Truthfully, Petunia had spent countless hours praying and hoping that something or someone would just fix her. Every time the sight of a girl in her bathing costume brought a flush to her cheeks, or her eyes lingered a bit too long on Raquel Welch's cover in Life Magazine, she'd catch herself wishing it could just stop. Nights spent hiding under her covers as if there were a monster in her closet. But the monster was just her, and her treacherous feelings that she couldn't escape.

At least, when she was younger, she could delude herself into thinking that it was negligible. All girls had errant thoughts about other women from time to time, it was only a natural curiosity. That eventually, she'd grow out of it. That boy fever that had captured the spirits of her other friends would come for her too, eventually. Eventually, she'd find a perfectly fine bloke to settle down with, and once she did, who cared if from time to time she entertained a private thought about another woman's nice breasts?

But she'd long since grown out of that delusion. Because even if she spent a lifetime pretending to be just like everyone else, she wouldn't be. And it would wear on her. Even if no one cared or even knew about the thoughts she kept inside her mind, she would care. Wouldn't she? She'd care when she watched all her friends fall madly in love and have perfect white weddings and pop out perfect chubby babies. She'd care when her own husband came home from work every day and kissed her with a grizzly, mustache covered lip. And she'd care when her heart would slowly start to atrophy, leaving a cavernous brick in its place.

Then, perhaps, she wouldn't care at all.

Of course, it hardly mattered now. The solace of imagining going through her life pretending like she was completely normal had been thrown out with abandon. Because it was one thing to think forbidden thoughts. It was another thing entirely to act on them.

And she had to admit, when she and Lottie were alone together she had a hard time wishing her thoughts away. Not when those thoughts led to Lottie's latched on to the juncture of Petunia's neck and shoulder, to her hands digging into the meat of her thigh and drifting higher and higher. When all those years of aching desire bloomed into something sweet and euphoric, Petunia could hardly feel sorry about it at all.

Truthfully, Lottie made Petunia think mad things. Impossibilities that existed beyond her reach suddenly felt tangible.

They never talked about it. Never discussed the parameters of what it was they were doing, exactly. It was much too fragile, much too sacred a thing for that. But it didn't stop Petunia's mind from racing: imagining impossible futures where she wasn't resigned to marrying some wretched man she abhorred or turning into a spinster with only garden gnomes for friends. Futures almost too cloying to speak of, as if even hoping for them would be enough to shatter the dreams.

Lottie had lasted a whole 32 seconds after turning off the light before rolling over and slipping a finger beneath the elastic of Petunia's waistband. Fifteen seconds shorter than last time. It had become slumber party routine, if they could even still be called that: faff around the dining room until dinner, eat, watch MASH for about an hour, until Lottie got herself into a strop because Hawkeye and Margret still hadn't kissed, even though they clearly fancied each other, get ready for bed and turn the lights out. Then it was only a matter of time before Lottie began brushing her fingers over Petunia's arm or linking their legs together beneath the comforter.

Petunia rolled onto her side, catching Lottie's wrist in her hand and holding it still. "I thought we were sleeping."

Lottie never kissed gently. She instead answered by hungrily sucking Petunia's lip between her own. Petunia keened, full body shiver shimming down her spine.

"Not tired." Lottie huffed, minty toothpaste lingering on her breath as she pushed Petunia back onto her back. Petunia moved easily, pulling Lottie with her so that she was seated firmly on top. Lottie wasted no time continuing the kiss.

"I'm starting to-" Petunia gasped through shallow breaths when Lottie turned her attention to the maddening spot just below Petunia's ear. "-think you only invite me over to- to get in my pants."

"Who says I don't?" Lottie dragged her teeth across Petunia's neck before bringing her face back up so that they were nose to nose. "Oh don't pout. You love it."

Lottie weaponized it often and with great abandon. Like she had no idea just what it did to Petunia. Only she did. She had every idea. "Tell me you don't? Like when I do this-" Lottie dragged her hand over the silk of Petunia's night top, dragging her nails directly over the most sensitive spot. Petunia's entire chest cavity spammed and jerked.

Up above, Lottie's cheshire cat grin was just barely visible in the darkness, the shadow of a smile. "See, you love it."

Petunia felt like a stuffed bird, helpless and immobile as Lottie toyed with her like a bored house cat. Goading Petunia, drinking up the satisfaction of how easily she crumbled. Toss out words like 'love' as though they were nothing, and watch as Petunia's heart stopped, as she spiraled recklessly inside her own mind. Lottie had always been a bit power drunk. This was just her newest way to toy with Petunia and prove just how easily she could own her.

Lottie tugged Petunia's ear between her teeth. "Say you do."

Petunia was in a constant state of shattering, over and over again. Speaking was entirely out of the question.

Instead, she forced their mouths back together. If Lottie was so insistent on gaining evidence of her devotion, Petunia would deliver. She ran her tongue over Lottie's teeth, digging one hand into her hair and clamping the other around her hip. If Lottie wanted to see how much she loved this, Petunia would show her.

Lottie's hand returned to her waistband, reaching below her pajama bottoms and rubbing directly over Petunia's knickers. Petunia let out a haltingly loud gasp. The sound reverberated off the walls of Lottie's bedroom, and Petunia froze, catching Lottie's wrist and holding it still.

"Wait-" Petunia steadied her breath, listening for any sound outside of the two of them. Lottie's parents were just down the hall. And it was an old house, nothing was stopping the sound from carrying, from stirring Lottie's parents.

This was a bad idea. "Perhaps we shouldn't."

"Why? You're not on the rag are you? I really don't mind I-"

"What? No! I just think- perhaps this isn't a good idea, with your parents home and all."

"That's why the door's locked, silly."

"No, I know, but even still." Still, Petunia was sure Mrs. and Mr. Duval had a spare key lying around, and even if they didn't, Petunia didn't want to rouse suspicion. She wasn't sure she could hold up to any sort of interrogation , or god forbid, Lottie's parents jumped to their own conclusions regardless.

"Even still? You didn't seem to have any problem with it last time." They'd never been particularly good at being careful. That was part of the fun of it: the risk of being caught brought a certain thrill with it. Only, it didn't seem quite so thrilling anymore.

"I know, I've just been thinking perhaps we should be more careful."

Lottie's head fell against Petunia's shoulder. "Oh don't be such a worry wart."

"Lot, I'm serious."

Lottie slid off Petunia and onto her side, Petunia eyes had adjusted enough to make out her scrutinous glare. "Christ what has gotten into you lately."

What had gotten into her was she couldn't stop imagining herself being carted away to some hospital where so-called doctors forced their various treatments and remedies onto her until she slowly lost her mind and said doctors resorted to shoving an ice pick up her nasal cavity.

That seemed like a bit much though, so instead she said: "I don't know, I'm just worried! After everything that happened with Jared..."

"This is nothing like that." But wasn't it? Wasn't it exactly like that?

"Aren't you worried? If someone found out what we were doing we could-"

" We're not doing anything. Jared was a bloody queer. We're normal. It's normal for girls to have a mess about every once and a while." It was almost believable. If it weren't for the way Lottie sought Petunia out in every room, eyes lingering on her like she was something much greater than she actually was. If it weren't for the desperate, dramatic words Lottie whispered when they were alone together, like she would die without Petunia's touch. If it weren't for the way Petunia could see right through Lottie's thick veneer of carelessness, right to the quick of it: that it wasn't just a game, not really. Of course, to ever speak any of those things would be a cardinal sin. Lottie might not ever forgive her for it. But there were more things at risk than Lottie's conviction to play pretend.

"Charlotte-"

"It'll be fine, Pet. Jared was an idiot. We've been careful." They hadn't. "We'll be careful."

"But what if-"

"Stop worrying ." Lottie reached forward and cupped Petunia's cheek, entirely too tenderly, before kissing her. "It will be fine." She whispered in the small gap between them. "I promise, just stop thinking."

Lottie's hand slipped down beneath Petunia's shirt and Petunia yielded. Deceitful as they were, she was no match against Lottie's clever fingers or her gentle tongue, whispering niceties against her lips.

…

"What do you mean you're not coming home for Christmas?" Petunia flipped the receiver from one ear to the other, wedgeing it between her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Lily had that horrible twinge to her voice that sounded the way Alfie looked after going to the loo in the house. Petunia should have known when she'd answered the phone that her sister would only have bad news, she'd hardly heard a word from Lily since the term started.

"It's Christmas."

" I know, but my friends and I are working on a group project. It relies on the lunar cycle and we really can't delay it." That sounded like a load of hogwash. Well, actually it sounded exactly like Lily, but also, Petunia hated it.

" You do know that school projects are supposed to take place, during school?"

" It's not a school project it's extracurricular." 

"Extracurricular?"

" That's right." 

"And you can't do it at home?"

"It's a group project." Right. She'd said that already.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

" I can't." 

" Of course not." After all, Petunia was a muggle, surely whatever important magic Lily was dabbling was far too complex for her little brain to handle. "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards." She mumbled.

" What? That's not-" 

"It's from- never mind." Lily had given up on fantasy stories around the time she'd gained access to Mrs. Snape's kitchen apothecary.

" I'm sorry, I really wish I could come home, but you'll be alright without me, right? Besides." Lily giggled. " I'm sure you'd much rather spend time with your boyfriend ." She stretched the word out. Petunia groaned. What was she? Five.

"For the last time, Martin isn't my boyfriend."

" So you say." 

"I do say, because it's true."

"But you do fancy him don't you?" Perhaps it would be easier if she just said she did, at least then Lily might give her a moment's peace. But probably not.

"I don't."

" Liar." 

"Whatever." Lily could think whatever she wanted. In fact, perhaps it was a good thing that she was staying behind because it meant that Petunia wouldn't be victim to her constant, boy-obsessed needling. "And who exactly are you staying behind to work on this 'project' with? Severus, I suspect. That'll be rather romantic." Two could play at this game.

"What! No! And- no, Sev isn't even involved." Well, that was a genuine surprise.

"Really? I wasn't aware you had any other friends." Petunia jested.

"Oh- shut it! You know that's not true!" She did, which made it all the more delightful that it still worked to get under her sister's skin.

" Suuure. And these 'friends' their parents were all completely fine missing the rare opportunity to see their children?" 

" Well, Mary's mum was rather weepy when she told her but agreed to let her stay as long as she came home for Easter. And I think Pandora's mothers were actually glad to have the holiday to themselves."

"Mothers?

"Hmm? Yeah. I think they're planning a trip to Tuscany." 

"Does she have more than one? Mother?"

" Oh, yeah." Petunia supposed divorce rates were rather high these days, and perhaps Pandora's father remarried. But Petunia couldn't imagine any woman would choose to holiday with her husband's ex-wife.

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"Pandy doesn't have a dad. Her mums used magic to have children." Petunia felt as though the floor had begun tilting, and she had to brace herself to stay upright lest she slide into the staircase. Rationally, she should have assumed that sort of thing was possible. After all, Petunia had seen Lily grow daffodils out of sprigs of dead leaves, and according to Erdy, gnomes grew out of roots their parents planted like potatoes. So it was only rational, that of all of the impossible things magic could do, two women making a baby would be one of them.

But Petunia had never even considered it before. And why would she? Wizards walked around with their ink quills and their prehistoric robes, like walking time capsules, archaic in every way possible. Even if that were possible, magically, wizards certainly wouldn't be accepting of it.

Or, perhaps she'd misunderstood. Perhaps all of Petunia's ludicrous daydreaming had gotten the better of her.

"Wait- to be perfectly clear- Pandora's parents are two women?"

"Yes." Lily sighed heavily, like Petunia was thick.

"And- are they married?"

"Of course, they're married." Of course. Of course, they were married. Like it was the natural assumption. Like Petunia was silly to imagine anything else. Married . Pandora's mums, were married. To each other. Perhaps Petunia was thick, because she felt as though the gears of her mind were grinding to a halt.

"But that's… not legal."

" Oh don't be so close minded Pet! You know wizards and muggles have different laws." Close minded? Lily thought Petunia was being close minded? She had to fight the urge to laugh, to dive head first into delirium. Petunia knew there were things that existed in the world of magic that were beyond any of Petunia's wildest dreams. But this?

Lily seemed completely unphased. Delivering the news as though it weren't earthshaking.

"So wizarding women can marry each other, if they want? And… and the men too?"

" Yep!" 

"And it's accepted?" And no one had thought to mention this to her before this very moment? That there were people out there- wizards and witches, who were living freely, loving freely. Petunia felt very suddenly like she was going to burst into tears. Or flames, perhaps.

Petunia had never been jealous of Lily's magic. It had been strange, and wonderful, and it didn't belong to Petunia, but it didn't matter because Lily was always willing to share. It was only once Severus found her, and then Hogwarts, and Lily started disappearing into the magical world, the one Petunia was strictly disinvited from, that Petunia started to yearn for it. Because it wasn't just magic. It was the truth: about life, about everything. Everything Petunia thought she knew about science and the world upended. But sequestered away just out of reach. There were fairies and mermaids and flying horses. Potions that could give you breath underwater and sight in the dark, and entire banks run by goblins and bloody chocolate frogs that hopped of their own free will. And Petunia wasn't allowed in.

It hurt. Petunia missed her sister whenever she was away at school. But it wasn't just Lily she missed, it was Hogwarts, with its talking portraits and wizards who flew around on brooms. Petunia hadn't realized you could miss something you'd never had.

Petunia tried her best to pack it all away. Fold it all up with all her other childish dreams and stop focusing on all the things she was missing.

But this, this Petunia couldn't pack away. This, she'd never imagined. This, was crueler than anything she could have possibly imagined.

And Lily was none the wiser. She carried on without an inkling of an idea of exactly how her words sounded. " Of course it is! Wizards- wizards and witches aren't held back by the same sort of primitive thinking as muggles." And to think, if the circumstances were any different Petunia might have been proud of her sister.

"Primitive thinking?" Petunia said slowly, sounding the words out like they were foreign.

" I know, it's what you're used to. But when you have magic, you realize that things are much more malleable. That's why the Statute of Secrecy is so important. If it weren't for our secrecy, witches and wizards would be forced to conform to your petty muggle ideas of love and marriage, this way, were free to be ourselves." 

Petunia held in the urge to scream, "'My petty muggle ideas'? You do know not all muggles think that way, right?'"

" Well of course not, but generally speaking…" 

"Generally speaking muggles are wretched, close-minded brutes, is that it? "

"No! But you have to admit-" 

" You do know there are gay muggles right?" Lily paused at that. It was nearer an admission than Petunia intended. Of course, Petunia knew how wretched people were towards people like her. Of course, she wished things were better. But it was as though Lily had never even considered the concept that there might be muggles who wanted to change things. Who would have killed to have the same freedoms that wizards have apparently had all this time . Who have been killed, for lack of them.

" Well, uh," Lily stuttered. " -sure, I suppose there must be." 

"And how exactly does the statute of secrecy help them be free to be themselves?"

Lily's voice wavered, "I don't- I don't know why you're so upset with me." 

"I'm not upset!" Petunia shouted. "I just hate when you talk about muggles like wizards are better than us."

"So you think what the muggles do is better? Controlling who you are and who you get to marry?" If Petunia could have reached through the phone and strangled her sister she would have.

"No- of course not!"

" So we agree then?" Lily sounded pleased again.

"No!"

" Then I don't understand!" 

"Right, no, of course you wouldn't."

Of course, Lily didn't understand. She'd never had to consider what it would be like, to be so thoroughly reviled. To be told that everything you are is wrong, that your own feelings are your enemy. Told to get in line or be thrown to the wolves. For all her talk about how horrible wizards were treated in the past, forced to retreat to the shadows for their own safety, it was all a load of rubbish. Lily had no idea what it was like.

"Maybe it's for the best you don't come home for Christmas."

"Right… that's um good." Lily's voice was shallow. Fantastic, Petunia had gone and made her sister cry now. She was so tired, exhausted just from breathing. Her own tears had dried into stinging streaks across her cheeks. She couldn't muster the energy to care about the melancholy in her sister's voice.

"Petunia?" 

"What?" What more was there to possibly say?

" Can you put mum on the phone?"

Chapter Text

“…by 1709, 572 misfeasors had been convicted of gross negligence for which the misfeaors received a fine of 50 galleons for a first offense, and a 30 day imprisonment for second offenses. 314 misfeasors had been convicted for deliberate violation of the statute of secrecy, 78 of which were repeated offenders, for which the misfeasors received a five year sentence.” Lily could hardly keep her eyes open. Though Professor Bins’ voice was nothing close to melodic, she found herself being lulled to sleep. 

“If he says ‘misfeasors’ one more time I’m shoving my wand through my eardrum.” Mary whispered next to her. 

“…In 1712 the Minister of Justice proposed that a permanent facility be built to accommodate this rise in misfeasors.”

Mary winced, and tapped her wand against her earlobe.

Professor Bins droned on. “….When Minister Rowle was elected to Minister of Magic in 1718, Minister Rowle reallocated funds away from the Hebridean construction and towards the Isle of Azkaban. Due to the large dementor presence on Azkaban, though no formal count has every been done, estimates range between 150 and 300, construction on the isle was difficult. Minister Rowle instructed that only the minimum adjustments to the existing structure to ensure security be made, and in 1719 Minister Rowle approved the prison for operation.” 

Lily wondered if he’d always been like this, or if centuries as a ghost had degraded his teaching somehow until he was a stilted, emotionless robot of a man. Actually, that was probably offensive towards ghosts. Definitely offensive. But, also…

Lily was trying her best not to nod off, when a paper airplane crashed into her arm. 

Flamebird- Operation Wolfpack is a go. Meet tonight at o’ twenty three hundred in the lion’s den. Bring Whitesparrow and Goldeneagle - Captain J

Lily craned her neck to where James was deliberately and intently staring at an unremarkable spot out the window, whoever’s bright idea it had been to show him all nine James Bond movies over the summer owed her some sort of financial compensation.

James and Sirius’ plan to become animagi had spiraled out in a way that was completely, and entirely, not Lily’s fault. First, Peter found out. Which was in no way surprising, seeing as James and Sirius were  entirely incapable of keeping secrets from him. And then, once Peter knew, well, it seemed sort of silly to keep it from Pandora and Mary (who, to be honest, would be loads more helpful at parsing through the spellwork than Peter) And once they knew, well of course they wanted to help. And soon enough the entire third year Gryffindor class had agreed to the plan. Sirius still proposed they all take a blood oath about it, but Peter had talked them down to a regular old pinky promise. Still, losing one's pinky seemed more than enough incentive to keep one's mouth shut.

So at 11 pm, Mary, Pandora and Lily snuck out of their dorm and crossed the common room to the boys' dorms. 

Lily knocked on the door. “ What’s the password?” Came James’ muffled voice. 

“James, you know it’s us.” 

“I cannot grant entry unless you provide the password.” Lily groaned as her head flopped back. 

“The password is Farleigh Flipwitt fell on a flobberworm.” Mary hissed and the door flung open to reveal a grinning James Potter. 

“Welcome.” 

The boys’ dorm room was in a state. It was unimaginable how four people could create such a riotous mess, piles upon piles of clothes and discarded quidditch gear, candy wrappers and flayed open books covering every surface. 

“Christ, ever heard of a cleaning spell?” Mary remarked. 

“We’re still breaking the place in.” James shrugged, even though it was nearly Halloween.

Sirius chimed in. “Cleaning spells are against my religion.” From somewhere on the floor, disguised amidst the mess. 

“What religion?” Mary snorted and bounced onto Sirius’ empty and unmade bed. 

“Bacchansim.” 

“Isn’t that a sex cult?” Pandora asked, and scooted onto Peter’s bed where he was sitting cross legged. 

“It’s definitely a sex cult.” Peter nodded.

“It is not-it’s a-erm”

James interrupted them “Ladies… Gentelmen… Sirius, please, we are here on official business. As your leader I must implore you all to hold all discussions of sex cults until after the conclusion of this meeting.” 

Lily snorted. “Who made you the leader?” 

James rolled his eyes. “ Obviously, I’m the leader.” 

Pandora piped up. “I think Lily should be the leader.” 

“Seconded.” Peter added. 

“If we’re taking votes I’d like to make it known that I clearly should be the leader.”  Sirius added. 

“You’re literally on the floor S.” Mary responded. 

“So? I can lead from the floor.” 

“That’s not-“

James sucked in a huge breath. “Ahem. As your leader. I hereby commence the first official meeting of the Friends of the Full Moon.” Lily had to admit, it was at least better than James’ first suggestion of a name, Midnight Moonatics.

Mary groaned. “We are not calling ourselves that.” 

James ignored her. “As you all know, we are meeting tonight to discuss our plan to help our mutual friend, Mr Moony, in alleviating the stress of his monthly affliction.” 

“Where is Loops anyway?” Mary asked. 

A muffled voice called out from behind the closed curtains of Remus’ four poster. “I’m not getting involved.” 

“ Moony . Has elected to sit out on this meeting.” James said bitterly. “Nevertheless, it has come to our attention, through rigorous research, that werewolves are pack animals, and the presence of a pack is known to severely reduce the plight of the full moon. My colleagues and I have spent the past few weeks exploring our options and I think you’ll all be quite pleased with what we’ve found. Firebird, the floor is yours.” James looked to Lily expectantly and she stared back, everyone in the room was well versed on the plan.

“They all already know?” 

“I- just- Lily.” James whispered. 

“Alright fine. Yes, as you all already know , the plan is to become Anamagi. James Sirius and I have researched it and we’ve got a fairly good idea of the process. If we get started right away we could be done in as quickly as a few months.”

“I just want it known, that this was my idea” Sirius said. 

“Yes, well why don’t you come here and lead this meeting then?” Lily asked. Sirius raised up onto his elbows, then shrugged and flopped back down. 

“Nah, I think you’ve got it.” 

“Anyway, as I was saying. The process of becoming an animagi is two fold. The first step is a long, but otherwise rather simple potion, but the second will involve a rather serious commitment to mastering wandless transfiguration.”

Suddenly, Remus’ bed curtains flung open and he perched himself on the edge of the bed. “This is a stupid idea.” 

James sighed. “Remus, we talked about this.” 

“Yeah, and I said it was stupid then, you’re all going to get yourself killed.” 

Lily sighed. “We’ve done research, it’s really not that dangerous. Just… tedious.” 

“Unless something goes wrong, you could get trapped as an animal, or stuck halfway, or end up dead, it’s not worth it.” 

Sirius finally sat up. “Of course it’s worth it, if it’s to help you-“ 

“I’m fine . I’ve been dealing with this my whole life, and I’ve managed just fine.” 

Peter turned on his belly to face Remus. “We know mate, we just want to make it easier on you.” 

“Do you? Or do you just want an excuse to do something dangerous. If you lot want to risk your lives and Azkaban doing unregulated magic be my guest, but don’t do it on my account.” Remus slammed his curtains shut again. 

“I’ll talk to him.” Lily said and waded through the mess to slip through the curtains. “ Muffalto.” 

Remus was curled up on his side away from her. “Rem…” 

Remus scowled at her. “It’s a bad idea, you know it is.” 

“I thought you were on board.” They’d only discussed it half a dozen times. Remus had concerns, of course, but he was always the most cautious of it all, and he never outright rejected the idea.

“Yeah, well, I didn't think you’d all actually go through with it. You’d realize how hard it is or forget about it or something.”

“Well, we’re not, so.” 

“What if it doesn’t work? What if I hurt one of you? Or turn you? I couldn’t live with myself if I-“ 

“You won’t” 

“You don’t know that!” 

“Well it’s a risk I’m willing to take! So is Mary, and Dora- all of us.” 

Remus snorted hard “Easy for you lot to say now, if you had any idea- it’s a fate worse than death!” 

“That’s exactly why we have to do this. And we can. We’ll be careful. We’re not going to mess it up. James is… an idiot, but he’s also brilliant at potions, so am I. We can do this. It’s going to work.” 

“But what if it doesn’t?” 

“What if it does?” 

“What does it matter? You’re just going to do it whether or not I agree or not.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“I know you and James- I.” 

“We won’t. If you say no we’ll stop, forget the whole thing. But… please don’t say no.” 

Remus sucked in a huge breath. “Fine.” 

“Really?” Lily tackled him in a hug. “Thank you! It’s going to be so good Rem, I promise.” Lily cried. 

“Alright alright, gerroff me.” 

Lily released him and pulled open the curtains. The argument that had erupted between the remaining five came to a stiff halt as they turned to stare at Remus and Lily. 

Lily couldn’t help but grin. “Operation Wolfpack is a go.” 

Step 1: Hold a single mandrake leaf in one’s mouth from moon to moon

Mandrakes are a tempestuous plant when uprooted from their soil. Luckily, they preferred to stay safely underground, or in the case of Professor Sprout’s stock, in their pots, conveniently leaving only their leaves visible. Unluckily, they were quite dismayed when they woke to find that all their leaves had been extracted by two duplicitous boys in the dead of night, that they took to wailing for days on end. 

Professor Sprout was forced to cancel Herbology for a whole week as she tried to console the weeping plants. A stern warning was given out to the entire school, and fifty house points were offered to whoever was able to identify the culprits. Of course, even if someone had been able to say for certain that James and Peter had been the ones to execute the unsuspecting haircut, most people were too pleased about the cancellation of classes to turn them in.

“Did you really need to take that many?” Pandora frowned at the large pile of Mandrake clippings that sat in the middle of James’ bed. 

“Better we have too much innit?” Peter answered, before successfully casting a preservation charm to prevent the leaves from wilting. 

“So that’s it then? We just wait until the full moon?” Mary asked. 

“Pretty much.” Lily answered. “At least from what I can tell. The tricky part is just keeping them in our mouths all month.” 

“Shouldn’t we wait until summer?” Pandora asked. 

“Why on earth would we wait until Summer, Selwyn? That’s in a bloody year.” Sirius asked.

“Well, don’t you think it will be difficult? With school?” 

Sirius pulled a face, “Why? It’s not like it’s hard to keep a leaf in your mouth.”

Pandora frowned deeply, lips thinning into a fine line. 

“What?” Sirius asked. 

“You do know that Mandrake leaves are a meddler of the mind?” 

“A what?” 

Pandora closed her eyes and sighed. “They get you exceptionally high.” 

Step 0: Come up with a potion to combat the mind altering effects of mandrake leaves, which are apparently a very powerful narcotic. That might have been nice to know in advance. 

Lily would have to thank Apollo and Prometheus Selwyn one day for their extended adventures into illicit substances, as well as their tendency to boast about said trips to their little sister. Unfortunately, they had little to say on the subject of mitigating the effects of said substances. Leaving Lily and James to rummage through the library for any such remedies.

James groaned and planted face first into an open herbology book. “I hate studying.” 

“We’re not studying, we’re researching.” Lily corrected him and he lifted his head ever so slightly to glare at her through the rim of his glasses. 

“Redhawk, how do we know the effects of mandrake isn’t what makes it work in the first place?” James asked, he’d yet to settle on a codename for her, despite her insistence that codenames were thoroughly unnecessary, and also, did not have to be bird related. 

“Where’s your can-do attitude, Potter?” 

“This book ate it.” 

“Well I suppose we could always ask Professor McGonnagall how she did it.” 

James perked up. “Actually.”

“No, that was a joke, we can’t just ask-“ 

Step 0.5: Suck up to McG so she tells you how to survive a mandrake trip

Lily wasn’t the best at transfiguration, that was Sirius. Lily also wasn’t the closest to Professor McGonnagall, that was also Sirius. But unfortunately for Lily, Sirius was a known rulebreaker and couldn’t get away with making academic inquiries to their transfiguration teacher just for ‘knowledge’s sake’ without raising more than one eyebrow. 

Thus, Lily was left with the task. 

“Professor, may I speak with you?” Lily fiddled with the cuff of her robe as she lingered at Professor McGonnagall’s desk. 

“Of course, is everything alright?” 

“Oh yes, brilliant actually. I just wanted to say how impressed I was with your lesson on animagi. I can’t believe you did that at seventeen.” 

“Ah- thank you. It was quite the adventure. Are you considering the path for yourself? It’s a bit early in your education, but perhaps in a year or two-” 

“Oh-erm- no. Actually, well I just was curious about something. That you mentioned.” 

“Well?”

“Right, well I just noticed the bit about the mandrake leaf, and Professor Sprout says that mandrakes can be quite dangerous when ingested.” 

“Professor Sprout is indeed correct.” 

“I see, so erm- well, how did you manage?” Lily attempted to ask as casually as possible. Professor McGonnagall narrowed her eyes. Lily could feel her heart beating at double pace, praying that all her time as an “incorrigible swot”, as James put it, would be enough to feign innocence. 

…

Lily swung open the door to the boys’ dormitory with a triumphant grin. “Wideeye potion for the drowsiness and Sanitas tonic for maintaining homeostasis.” 

“Homeowhatis?” 

“So we don’t die.” 

James’ parents were more than happy to send him bottles of each, whether or not they believed he needed them for Quidditch remained unclear. Nevertheless, a week later they sat with a fat stock of each, enough for all of them to stay well and upright. 

“Professor McGonnagall said the potions would help alleviate symptoms, but not rid them entirely, so its probably best we don’t all go at once.” 

Sirius groaned. “But that will take ages.” 

“Yes, well, I don’t think Remus wants to look after all six of us if we end all end up high as kites.” 

“I do not.” Remus grumbled.

“You really think it’ll be that bad?” Mary asked.

Pandora looked up from where she’d been braiding Sirius’ hair. “Last time Thesus ate a mandrake leaf, he mistook his Toad for a chocolate frog, and accidentally ate him.”

“Jesus Christ.” Remus muttered. 

“So, we’ll take it two at a time, one from each dorm.” Lily decided.  “So, who’s going first?” 

Step 1: Peter and Pandora Get High on Mandrake Leaves 

It was a shock to everyone that Peter volunteered first. Most of all Peter, who’s face turned candy apple red as he stuttered through a far less boisterous confirmation, as everyone turned to gape at him. 

Pandora quickly followed him, which was far less of a shock, considering Lily had once seen her stick her finger into an unknown, untested potion, and lick it off like it was icing sugar.

There were contradicting stories on the precise details of the mandrake leaf ritual. Some said the leaf must be administered in the light of the full moon, at peak moonrise, while others claimed the witching hour was best. Other accounts still recommended that the leaf be administered to the tongue on the exact moment of sunset. Rather safe than sorry, the third year Gryffindors, (“James, we are not calling ourselves ‘the Marauders’”) minus Remus who was already stowed away in a shack in Hogsmeade, snuck out to the Clocktower Courtyard and waited on the bridge until the moon was in sight, then administered the most pristine of their stash of leaves to Peter and Pandora. 

And then… 

Nothing happened. 

Peter and Pandora were perfectly fine. They stashed the leaves on the underside of their tongues and crept back through the castle with the help of James’ cloak, which was unquestionably too small for six thirteen year olds, and went to sleep. The effects of mandrake leaves seemed to be greatly exaggerated. 

…

Lily woke up to something poking at her cheek. Two dainty hands began prodding and mashing at her face, she opened her eyes to Pandora half lying on top of her. 

“‘Dora! What are you doing?” Lily slapped her hands away, Pandora frowned and stared at her open palms. 

“My tentacles feel funny.” 

“What?” Lily squinted and tried to shake off the bleariness of sleep. Pandora wiggled her fingers. 

“My tentacles.” She said again, then began to poke Lily again. “Are you made of jelly?” Lily batted her hands away and nearly fell off the bed the other way. Beneath the bed, was the stash of potions to combat the  symptoms, she grabbed a handful of vials and shoved one at Pandora. 

“Here- drink this.” 

Pandora inspected the vial with limp fingers. “I didn’t know jelly could talk.” She said, then promptly uncapped the vial and poured it onto Lily’s bedsheets. 

“No! Don’t-“ but it was too late. Lily rushed around to the other side of the bed. “Come on, lets get you up.” She pulled Pandora off the bed. Pandora wobbled and stumbled into Lily, then held out her hands like a tightrope walker to find her balance. Lily hissed at Mary to wake up. As soon as she let go of Pandora to grab a change of clothes from the wardrobe Pandora went crashing into the desk. 

Mary and Lily got Pandora seated back on the edge of her own bed, after fussing and corralling her into changing into her robes and forced two phials of potion down her throat. The potions seemed to help with the initial dizziness, as Pandora no longer wobbled forward when left to sit on her own, but seemed to have little effect on her overall mental state.

When Marlene rolled out of her bed, Pandora leapt up and smothered her in a hug. “Marlene! I missed you!” Pandora wailed whilst Marlene shrugged the other girl off her. 

Mary hissed. “Pandy stop.” 

Marlene eyed Pandora skeptically, her gaze flickering between the three of them. “What’s gotten into you?” Pandora shrugged. 

Mary grabbed Pandora by the arm. “Come on Pandy, we’ve got to get to class.” She pulled Pandora toward the door.

“Lily?” Marlene stared up at Lily sternly, before she could make her escape. “What’s going on?” 

“I-erm- nothing.” 

“Why is Pan acting like that?” 

“Like what?” 

“You know.” 

“Sorry, can’t say I do. Sorry Marls, I’ve gotta run, talk later.” Lily said and all but ran out the door. Surely, Marlene was bound to notice, bound to ask even more questions that Lily would eventually have to answer, but that could wait until Lily had come up with a sufficient excuse to stave her off. 

Lily found the others in the common room with Peter’s head buried deep in James' shoulder as he let out a discomforting groan. 

“We practically had to drag ‘em outta bed.” Sirius remarked. 

“Shhh, it’s too loud!” Pester moaned.

James and Sirius took turns dragging and carrying Peter as he preferred to slink down to the floor like a limp noodle whenever left to stand or walk on his own. Pandora took to loudly greeting every one of the portraits and passing students along the journey, which to be fair, wasn’t the most unusual to her, but she also took to speaking to suits of armor and other various inanimate objects. 

Lily deposited Pandora into the bench and slid in next to her. “Try not to talk to anyone, or do anything.” She whispered. Pandora nodded fervently then went about methodically inspecting her breakfast with the curiosity and table manners of a baby monkey. Across the table, Peter had promptly passed out in the pillow of his arms. 

They were going to get caught. 

There was no way around it. They’d be found out and expelled, or arrested, or worse. Lily wasn’t sure what worse was. But she didn’t particularly want to find out.

There was a tight pressure on her hand, and Lily looked down to see Mary firmly squeezing it. It was instantly calming, Lily hadn’t even noticed her breathing quicken until it was receding back to its normal pace. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” 

Everything was, as it turned out, not fine. 

Peter, thank goodness for him, took to falling asleep in all his classes, which was the best anyone could have hoped for really, other than the few times he woke himself up with an alarming shout, falling out of his chair and earning himself several detentions. All in all he could pass for a particularly tired and run ragged student, which was technically the truth. 

Pandora, however, was not so inconspicuous. It seemed any moment Lily looked away she’d find herself in new trouble. She spent the better half of Charms class asking Professor Flitwick increasingly nonsensical questions that drew a laugh at first, but eventually left the impression that she was absolutely barking mad. Mary and Lily did everything in their power to prevent her from doing spellwork after the first time, when instead of a cleaning charm she created an explosion of bursting bubbles filled with grape jelly. 

Days passed that way, with Lily and Mary carefully tending to Pandora, preventing her on multiple occasions from crawling out the window when she was overcome with the sudden urge to ‘fly like Nix’ or waking up to find she’d strung her entire wardrobe out of the dormitory and across the common room.

On Friday, Pandora woke up with a momentous headache. She groaned when Lily prodded at her to pull her out of bed, but dressed all by herself and sullenly followed the other girls to breakfast. 

“Oh, I feel horrible.” Pandora groaned, clutching her head in her hands. 

“Here- you’ve barely been eating.” Lily slid a plate of porridge to her. It seemed, the effects of the drug had run their course, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Both Pandora and Peter woke up that morning feeling positively dreadful, but sober as a log. 

“They’ve still got their leaves right?” Sirius frowned and Pandora stuck her tongue out at him, revealing the slimy green remnants. Frankly, it was a miracle that they had both managed to keep hold of them. 

“They must have leached it all out.” Lily answered. It was a monumental relief. 

“Good riddens.” Peter mumbled. “That was horrible.” 

Sirius jostled Peter’s shoulder. “Aww- drugs are supposed to be fun Petey” Lily shushed him sternly. 

Mary snorted. “No, go on, say that louder, Black.” Sirius just pulled a face at her. 

“It was not fun.” Peter said. “It felt like my brain had melted. I’d start to think something- and then I’d just be gone.” 

“So like you normally?” Sirius snickered and Peter mumbled a curse and stabbed his fork into a sausage. Lily couldn’t help the wash of relief that spread over her. It would be smooth sailing from then on out. 

Two days later, Lily woke up to Pandora shaking her shoulder vigorously. She rolled over and squinted up at Pandora’s panicked face. 

“I swallowed my leaf.” Pandora sputtered. 

“You what?” 

“I woke up and it was gone!” Pandora opened her mouth wide and lifted her tongue to display it’s lack of leaf. 

“Fuck.” 

One week later, Peter sneezed, sending his mandrake leaf shooting across the room. 

Step 1.5: try again 

The December full moon landed three days after the end of term, and everyone agreed to stay at Hogwarts for the holiday. (Everyone except Sirius, who’s parents insisted on having him home, resulting in the receipt of more than one howler). Petunia kicked up quite the fuss when Lily told her, but Lily couldn't afford the break. After all, they were running out of time, if they were unable to complete the process by summer, they’d likely have to start all over.

Pandora woke up on the morning after the Full Moon with an unmatched energy and took to spinning around the room before promptly diving for the bathroom and emptying the entire contents of her stomach, along with the mandrake leaf, into the toilet. 

Peter made it a week and a half, before getting hit with a nasty bludger to the head during a Quidditch scrimmage, sending his leaf flying out of his mouth and landing somewhere in the field below. 

Lily spent the rest of the holiday testing potions with Severus in the nearly empty Slytherin dungeon and chasing after Madame Whiskers, who seemed to have an affinity for darting out of the castle and into the powdery snow.

Step 1.75: Sirius saves the day

Lily was moments away from beating James at go fish (she wasn’t entirely sure he understood the objective of the muggle game) when Sirius burst into the common room.

“Don’t worry lads, I’ve returned and I have the answers to all your problems!” He declared, dropping his trunk and settling his hands on his hips like some sort of returned war hero.

James was out of his seat in a second and tackling Sirius, throwing the cards of their game into disarray. 

“You’ve ruined my game, Black.” Lily huffed. 

“You’ll forgive me in a moment.” Sirius grinned and ushered her and James into the boy’s dormitory. 

“I’ve figured it out!” 

“Figured what out?” Lily looked to James, but he seemed just as clueless. 

“Our little problem with the mandrake leaf. It was obvious really- once I thought about it.”

“What?” 

“A sticking charm.” 

“A sticking charm?” Lily repeated. “That’s actually… not a bad idea.” 

“I know! I’m a genius, you all should be quite thankful you have someone with my incomparable mind around. Honestly, what would you do without me?”

“Know peace I suspect.” Lily quipped. Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and promptly banished her from the room so that he and James could have a ‘proper reunion’. Lily had no idea what that entailed, and she’d rather not find out. 

To his credit, the sticking charm worked like, well, a charm. Peter and Pandora suffered through one more wobbly run in with the mandrake leaves, in which Pandora tried rather adamantly to climb into a portrait and Peter took to reorganizing the entire Gryffindor common room based on ‘synergy’, and Pandora got lost wandering the castle for fourteen hours before miraculously reappearing in their dormitory.

Step 2: Procure the chrysalis of a death’s-head hawkmoth

With mandrake leaves securely stuck to Peter and Pandora’s mouths, time was ticking to construct the remainder of the potion. Dew and hair clippings were rather easy to gather. The tricky thing would be the death’s-head hawkmoth.

The problem, with the death's-head hawkmoth, was that it was notoriously bad luck. Used in all sorts of dark and dangerous potions, a live one could drive a person to madness with its haunted chirping. And thus, they were absolutely not permitted to be sold to schoolchildren. Parry, the shopkeeper of the apothecary in Hogsmeade, had laughed in Lily’s face when she’d tried to purchase some. He’d been even less charitable to James and Sirius when they tried, despite their insistence that they could charm him into selling to them. 

Now, Lily didn’t approve of stealing, but then again, she didn’t approve of partaking in illicit rituals either.

“You again?” Parry Pippin was a middle aged wizard with a distinguished air to him, with very little tolerance for nonsense. “If you’re here about the moths I’ll tell you the same thing I told you last time.” 

“No- I’m not.” Lily said quickly. “I was hoping you might have any pearl dust for sale?” 

“Pearl dust? Not planning on making a love potion now are you?” Parry narrowed his eyes at her.

“No, no nothing like that.” 

“I know with the upcoming holidays it might be tempting for a young witch such as yourself to want to sway the favor of her beloved, but I must em-“ 

“No, not a love potion. I was- I am planning to use it in a farsight potion.” 

Mr Pippin huffed. “Nice try, Pearl dust isn’t an ingredient in any farsight potions.” 

“Yes, that’s because those potions don’t work.” Mr Pippin raised his eyebrows. “Willard’s oracle elixir, proculoviz, they’re hardly accurate. I’m trying to make a better version.” 

“Ah, so you’re an inventor?” He still looked skeptical. 

“Aspiring. I’ve been doing loads of work on ocular potions, nightlight, double vision, farsight seemed like the natural progression of that experimentation.” 

Mr Pippin narrowed his eyes at her. “How old are you?” 

“I’ve just turned fourteen.” 

“And does Horac- Professor Slughorn know what you’re up to?” 

“Of course, he’s been very impressed by my work.” Lily gave her best smile. “So, pearl dust?” 

The pearl dust was kept at the front of the store, in a large jar in the window, Lily already knew this, but she followed Mr Pippin diligently. She suspected the predictive qualities of pearl dust, when combined with the crushed dragonflies, would aid in the strength of the farsight potion, or so she told Mr Pippin. 

Lily’s eyes lingered around the shop, which was empty, besides herself and the shopkeep. “What’s this one?” Lily gestured to a purple bottle on the shelf next to the window labeled ‘Dreamwander’.

“Ah. That’s a brew for entering dreams, highly potent stuff, if I do say so myself.” 

“Did you invent it yourself?” 

“I did.” 

“That’s quite impressive, how does it work?” Mr Pippin took great pleasure in describing the contents of the potion, and how it allowed its drinkers to share dreams with one another, which not only held a great use for healers and curse breakers, but was a bit of fun, if he did say so himself. 

“…and this one recreates the feeling of sunshine after a long period of rain.” There was a tap on Lily’s back and she broke out into a stiff smile. 

“That’s delightful! Well, I really ought to get going now.” 

“Right, of course. Let me just ring you up for the pearl dust.” 

Lily exited the apothecary, with a hefty jar of pearl dust that she had no use for, and rounded the corner of the shop to the secluded alleyway. Air switched around her, revealing two twin grins. 

“Did you get them?” Lily asked James and Sirius as James folded up his invisibility cloak and tucked in into hiding beneath his robes. 

“Of course we got ‘em.” James said, holding up a velvet satchel. 

“Did you ever doubt us?” 

“I constantly doubt you.” Sirius made a rude gesture toward her. 

“Well lads, I think this calls for a celebration.” James declared, wrapping his arms around Lily and Sirius’ shoulders. “Fancy a butterbeer?” 

Step 3: Mary and Sirius don’t get high off mandrake leaves, they’re actually perfectly fine, thanks so much for asking. 

The moon was bright and full, shining in through the open window of the boy’s dormitory. 

“Think we should’ve gone with them?” James worried, he was anxious, throwing and catching a silver snitch with undo aggression. James’ cloak wasn’t big enough for all six of them, and Lily and James weren’t ‘mission critical’, as Sirius put it, for this particular step. 

Still, Lily was anxious too. “They’ll be fine, James.” 

A distant and faded howl carried through the window. If this didn’t work, they’d just have to keep trying. 

Half an hour later, Peter, Pandora, Sirius and Mary returned to the dorm, James and Lily both jumped to their feet. 

“Well?” 

Pandora and Peter held up twin bottles of a mixture, shimmering black. Sirius grinned and stuck out his tongue to reveal a bright green mandrake leaf. 

Mary rolled her eyes at his disgusting display. “No problems.” 

They stowed the bottles away inside a small chest that Peter hid beneath a loose floorboard, loose only because he had ripped it up himself, the inside charmed to be impervious to light, heat, and movement. 

…

Lily and Pandora woke up early the next morning and waited on the edge of Mary’s bed for her to wake. 

Mary woke up slowly, and squinted at the intruders to her bed curiously. “What?” 

Lily held out the bottles of wideeye and sanitas tonic gently, already uncapped. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m fine?” Mary sat up and drank both potions with no ceremony. “I mean it, I feel just fine. Stop staring at me.” 

After confirming that she hadn’t somehow spit out her leaf in the night, it was still there, glued to the roof of her mouth, Lily and Pandora cautiously followed a rather irate Mary out of the dorm. Irate, only because of the way the other girls seemed to follow her around as if she was about to topple over or do something outlandish. 

“…and then there was my great great uncle Cepheus, who my father never really liked, but must have been quite popular, seeing as he had thirteen bastard children, one of which is the current head of- oh I probably shouldn’t say, but I will anyway, you know the Malfo-Oh! Good morning to you!” Sirius cheered, between James and Peter. “We were just on our way to go visit Moony, care to join?” 

Lily pursed her lips, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

Peter shrugged, “He says he’s fine.” 

“I am fine.” Sirius insisted. “Honestly, Petey I don’t know what all the fuss was about, I’m starting to think you two were just making it up.” Even so, it was a terrible idea to let either Sirius or Mary anywhere near madame Pomfrey, instead, Lily and James spent the morning carefully watching over the two, much to their joint irritation. As it seemed, and as they reiterated on many accounts, they were both fine. 

Sirius and Mary were not fine. 

Not only were they not impervious to the effects of the mandrake leaves, as they both so adamantly insisted, but the two of them together, under the influence of such a mind altering subject, seemed to turn them into a single, mind-sharing, monster. 

The first clue that something was amiss was when Lily came down to the common room the first Saturday after the full and found Mary and Sirius sitting knee to knee on the floor. Making no sound but staring quite intensely at one another. They stayed like that for twenty minutes. 

“What are they doing?” Peter asked when he happened upon the sight. Lily couldn’t say, she’d been too afraid to ask. 

The second clue came when Lily walked into her own dormatory’s bathroom, to find Sirius Black, sitting on the ledge of the sink, face covered in makeup that reflected that of a children’s finger painting.

“What are you doing?” Mary sat up from Sirius and waved a blue eye pencil in the air.

“Makeup!” Mary giggled, and Sirius sputtered out laughing as if it was a joke. 

“How’d you get in here?” Sirius shrugged. 

“I don’t…remember.” Sirius then burst out laughing again, with Mary following suit. 

“Doesn’t he look pretty?” Mary gushed, and Lily wasn’t sure Mary was in the right state to be the judge of such things. It seemed her typical skill and craftsmanship with a makeup brush had faded away in the wake of the mandrake. Sirius’ cheeks were a splotchy neon pink that was much larger on one side, and the bright red lipstick he adorned looked like it had been smeared on rather than applied. 

Sirius whipped his head around to check his reflection and collapsed into laughter again, his head falling against the mirror. “Mack! I thought you said you were good at this.”

“I am- good. I-usually.” Mary heaved and wiped the tears from her watering eyes. 

Lily closed the door to the bathroom slowly, too afraid to bear further witness to the madness of her friends. 

To make matters worse, Valentine’s Day fell during that first week after the new moon. Mary and Sirius had made themselves into a bit of idols to the younger students. With their loud and boisterous personalities, and shiny black hair, and their subtle disapproval that only seemed to leave others more desperate for their praises. A second year, named Charlie Wallipuk, approached Mary, on the eve of Valentine’s Day, with quivering hands and holding a hand made card, to ask her if she’d like to join him at Hogsmeade to celebrate the holiday. Mary burst into an unrelenting laughter and she and Sirius began to loudly coo about how cute and sweet the little second year boy was, right in front of him. Finally, remembering the boy was there, Mary gave him a gentle ‘Sorry, but it seems I’m busy.” And then sat herself squarely in Sirius’ lap. 

Throughout the day, others approached them. A girl from Ravenclaw, a boy from Hufflepuff, several first year Gryffindors, and even a Slytherin, all approached the duo, hoping to seek some sort of favor from either of them, but ended up disappointed or perhaps in actual tears when Mary and Sirius, who half the time were too distracted in their own nonsensical conversations to even notice their admirers approaching, turned them away, sometimes with the addition of a confusingly worded proverb that Mary gave away as a condolence. 

“Everyone just thinks we’re so pretty.” Sirius preened, as another misguided suitor left in failure, and Lily had half a mind to whack him across the head. 

“I’m not so sure that’s even the mandrake talking anymore, this is just how he is.” Remus whispered to her. 

“I’m surprised people keep trying, they’re obviously together.” Lily remarked quietly. Sirius was sitting in between Mary’s legs as Mary skillfully braided Sirius’ hair into a long braid. His head swiveled abruptly, ruining Mary’s braid. 

“Huh? Why on earth would you say that?” 

“Do you not see yourself?” 

“No one can see themselves Evans, that’s stupid.” 

“So you’re not?” Remus asked. “Together.” 

“Of course not. Mary is goddess who’s beauty knows no bounds, I would never dare besmirch her holy honor with such blasphemous defilement.” 

“Aye.” Mary agreed solemnly. “Siri and I both understand that he is far below my station, a courtship between us would never work out.” 

“We are merely meant to adore one another as platonic admirers.” Sirius said, then tilted his head back against Mary’s chest, who leaned down and kissed him, right on the mouth. 

Remus slapped his hands over his eyes.  

“So then why did you turn down all those people?” Lily asked. 

Sirius frowned. “Hmm. I don’t actually know. Suppose I need a valentine now.” He said, thoughtfully and his eyes landed on the person next to him. “Pete, will you be my valentine?” 

“Sorry, um no thanks.” Sirius gasped.

“But why not ?” 

“I already have a valentine.”

“What! Who?” 

“Pandora.” 

“What?!” Sirius gasped, eyes flicking around the table. “Did you all know about this??” 

Lily and Remus both nodded. Leave it to Sirius to be too absorbed in his own life to notice two of his best friends had begun to fancy each other. 

“Ugh fine,” Sirius finally conceded. “Moony, what about you, you’ll be my valentine right?” 

“Pass.” 

“ Pass? Why?” Remus shrugged.

“Ugh, nevermind! Where the hell is James when I need him?” Sirius pouted thoroughly for the remainder of the afternoon, until James returned from Quidditch practice, and was absolutely delighted to agree to be Sirius’ valentine. 

Step 3.5: Have the full moon be obstructed by clouds. Start over. 

“Christ, it's cold out here.” Lily shivered and clutched her hands around her arms, cursing herself for leaving her jumper in the dorm.

“Shit!” Sirius jumped. “You’ve got to stop doing that Evans.” He said, as if he wasn’t doing the exact same thing. 

The pearl dust had come in handy after all. Lily brewed an impeccable invisibility potion, which was, in her opinion, far more useful than James’ cloak. James disagreed of course, which was why any onlooker would see two floating heads on a otherwise empty bridge. 

“What, talking?”

“Yeah, it’s scary.” James confirmed.

“You’re just jealous I came up with a better way to be invisible than your silly cloak.” 

“The cloak’s not silly!”

“I will say I do enjoy not having to be squished between the two of you.” Mary said from somewhere to Lily’s left.

They had been waiting at least an hour for the appearance of the full moon through the thick clouds. They only had one more month left. Then the potions would be done, and it was on to the actual difficult part. All they needed now, was the rays of the moon to peek through the overcast. 

So they waited, 

And waited.

And waited. 

But the moon never showed. 

Mary cursed as she stuck a fresh mandrake leaf in her own mouth, instead of Lily. Lily and James offered to trade off, but Mary and Sirius were insistent, afterall that work, they didn’t want to wait two more months to be over with it, even if it meant going through the process again. 

Thankfully, when the moon rounded again, the sky was clear and crisp. Mary and Sirius discarded their mandrake leaves gleefully into their potions. 

Which meant it was Lily and James turn. 

Step 4: Do drugs

Lily was in the ocean, bobbing up and down with the rhythm of the waves. No… the ocean was inside Lily, sloshing around in her arms and her legs, crashing into her feet and ricocheting back the other direction. It was like being on the upturn of a rollercoaster. Or perhaps she’d fallen into the Black Lake and fell into the clutches of the Giant Squid. The malevelonet kraken flinging her around and tossing her between his sticky tentacles. She was being plunged under water, the ocean inside her slamming into her stomachs and her heart and her throat. 

Lily sat up in a jolt, surrounded by water. But the water was white and soft- a cloud, she was on a cloud. But if she was on a cloud, then she must be falling. Falling, falling, falling through the sky, falling to her death. She scrambled for purchase-

Oh. 

Nevermind, it was just her bed. Lily was fine. She flopped back on her pillow in relief, then quickly remembered that she was feeling sick to her stomach and sat back up. She scrambled out of bed with a-

Oh. Oops. She was on the floor now. The crash reverberated up through her spine and rattled around in her head. 

“Woah, you alright mate?” Lily squinted up at the tallest person she’d ever seen. Taller than any house or tree, they must’ve been a giant, towering over her like she was nothing but a tiny ant, a Lilliputian. Ha- Lily-putian. 

“Lil?” The giant bent down, getting closer, and Lily realized she wasn’t a giant at all. And she was looking at Lily with concerned furrowed brows.

“‘M’alright Marlyleen.” Lily said, but made no effort to move from the floor. 

“I’ve got her.” There was another giant-no not giant. It was Mary. Lily’s bestest friend! Oh Lily had missed her so much! 

“Mary!” 

Mary grabbed hold of both of Lily’s hands. “Alright champ, up you get- Dora, get up!” Lily was being pulled up to her feet, she’d forgotten about those, they felt numb underneath her, like maybe they were someone else’s feet entirely. Then they were gone again, her feet, and she was back on the boat-bed. Back on the bed and Mary was shoving something into her hands. 

“Drink this.” Lily did, and immediately the washing machine feeling in her stomach quelled. 

“You alright?” Mary asked. Lily nodded, but her head still felt heavy when she bobbled it, like it was too heavy for her little neck. Had someone jinxed it with an inflating spell? She brought her hands up to the sides of her head to check.

“Good-yeah-great. You’re doing great. Let me see the leaf.” The leaf? Oh right, the mandrake leaf. She was becoming an animagus. Lily tongued the mandrake leaf still stuck to the roof of her mouth before tilting back and letting Mary see inside her mouth. 

Pleased with her examination, Mary let Lily be. Lily immediately collapsed backwards onto the bed. She needed to pull herself together, needed to focus. But the pattern on the ceiling was quite nice, Pandora had charmed it months ago to look like stars, like the great hall. Tiny stars that swirled and spun around their own tiny universe.  

“...allowed to serve anything else, don’t you agree?” Lily looked up from the floor, she was on the floor again, that was odd. 

“Hmm?” 

“Pay attention, Evans, treacle tart.” She sat up, she was in her dormitory, but not. The beds were in the wrong place and James Potter was sitting across from her, between them sat a huge pile of food. 

“How’d I get here?” Lily asked. She didn’t remember leaving her dorm or- well actually she didn’t remember much of anything. James shrugged, he was looking rather disastrous, wearing a wrinkled muggle t-shirt that must have been Remus’, his glasses shoved up to the top of his head, pulling his unkempt hair out of his face. Lily wasn’t even sure if he had pants on, he’d pulled his comforter off the bed and had it wrapped around himself like a big skirt. 

James took another bite of the treacle tart and let out an uncouth moan, “Bollocks this is the best thing ever invented.” 

Lily gagged at the sight of the unswallowed mush in his mouth and raised the half eaten hand pie she’d forgotten she’d been holding. “Gross Jams-James.” 

James frowned at her. “You’re just jealous. Well too bad- ‘m not sharing.” 

Where was everyone anyway? She grasped at her memories. She remembered something about Mary and Pandora telling her she should stay here, while they went to get her and James food. Which must have happened, considering there was food now. 

James squinted deeply then blinked rapidly. “Shit.” He held his hands in front of his face. “Why can’t I see?” He squinted at her again. “I can’t see! I’ve been jinxed, I-” 

“James. On your head.” 

“What? What’s on my head?” James panicked and clutched his hair, before recognizing his glasses and signing in relief as he slid them back into place. “Thanks. I thought I was blind.” 

“You are blind.” Lily answered, James’ mouth fell open in offense, which was absolutely hilarious and Lily couldn’t help but laugh. Soon enough, they were both laughing until Lily felt like her stomach was about to combust. 

“Oh bloody hell.” Remus was standing in the doorway, looking like he’d been caught in a windstorm. 

“Moony!” James perked up. “You’re back! I missed you so much! I- have you ever had treacle tart? It’s amazing, best thing ever invented. You have to try it.” James held up his half eaten tart. 

“I’ve- had treacle tart before James.” Remus was looking rather put out. He must have been after the full moon. Oh the full moon. Lily suddenly remembered where he’d been the night before. All alone, stuck in that horrible, dingy shack, breaking every bone in his body, it must have been so painful. How could anyone ever do that to Remus? It was so horrible, so horrible. 

“Lily, what- why are you crying?” Remus asked as Lily stumbled to her feet and knocked into Remus, sobbing into his neck. 

“You ‘re all alone- and-and scared and-.” Lily cried. “An-nd I wasn’t, n-no one was wi-ith you and-you’re hu-hurt, and the wol-” 

“Alright geroff me.” Remus shoved her away. “Jesus christ.” Lily stumbled backward but didn’t fall over. “I’m fine, Lily.”

 “But-” 

“I’m fine. Christ- where is everyone?” Lily shrugged. “They just left you two here alone?” 

“Hey!” James cried. “I’m perfectly copemtent…compentment… com-pe-tent.” Remus groaned and disappeared into the bathroom, muttering angrily to himself. 

“Is Moony mad at us?” James looked after the slammed shut bathroom door. Lily just shrugged and flopped back down on the floor, snatching James’ treacle tart from his hand. 

“Gimme that.” 

Lily had class the next day. Pandora was very keen on reminding her, which Lily didn’t quite understand. She knew how school worked. It wasn’t as if she was going to suddenly forget her schedule. But Pandora and Mary seemed to find it pertinent to remind her frequently: she had classes tomorrow, she would need to act normal. 

Lily was perfectly capable of acting normal. She was perfectly capable of going about her day, regardless of whatever substances might be mucking about in her head. 

“Just try not to talk much and focus on taking notes, you’ll be fine.” Pandora said. Of course Lily would be fine, she wasn’t worried, not in the slightest. She’d made it through morning breakfast without so much as a mishap. She had her wits perfectly about her. So what if she had accidentally eaten a few things off Mary’s plate? They were close, no one would notice a few shared bites between friends.  

“I am fine.” Lily whispered as she was hauled into the transfiguration classroom and seated between Mary and Pandora, like they thought they were her bodyguards or something. She didn’t need a babysitter.

“Yes you do.” Mary responded. And- what? How did Mary hear her thoughts? “You said that out loud you numpty, now shush.” Mary whispered. 

Oh, well… oops. That was alright. It was only one mistake. Lily could do this. She could be normal. She could be normal. 

She focused on Professor McGonnagall’s regal voice. Don’t do anything weird. Don’t do anything weird. Don’t do anything weird.  

Her hand scrawled along the parchment, following her professor’s instructions. The primary principal of living transfiguration is to align all the parts of the original creature, with that of your target, an eye to an eye, a tail to a tail. The smooth scales of the gecko become the fuzzy fur of the hampster. Understanding equivalency, but what if there was no equivalency, what if Lily was transfiguring something like a four legged dog into a the no legged snake, where did the legs go? Where would lily’s legs go? If she became a snake? What if her animagus form was a snake? That would be embarrassing, James would never speak to her again. Not that she cared what James thought, but still. What if she became something lame? Like a cockroach or a sloth? What if she became a rabbit and then Remus ate her? She knew werewolves didn’t eat rabbits, but he might eat her- she’d be so tiny and fuzzy, what if he couldn’t resist. Would she have to cut herself out of his stomach like Jonah and the whale? What if her animagus was a whale? She wouldn’t be any help then, and she’d only be able to transform in water. Would she have to go live in the Black Lake? She didn’t want to live in the Black Lake, the Giant Squid would spray ink at her. He was so mean-

“ ...maintian consistency. The third principal is orientation.” Lily blinked up at Professor McGonnagal, then back down at her notes, a jumbled mess of thoughts. She quickly scratched the nonsense out and started over. 

By Wednesday she was developing a real grip on things. Thanks to a steady stream of mantras she repeated like a vice. Be normal. Focus. Be normal. Focus. Focus. Focus. 

Focus. 

The cuff of Lily’s sleeve caught on a bottle of hemlock essence, she reached desperately with both hands to steady it and keep it from tipping over. “Shit.” 

“Good grief, what has gotten into you?” Severus muttered. 

“Nothing. Nothing. I’m fine.” Lily said and quickly turned back to their notes on the instructions for doxycide. Severus' gaze burned into the back of her head, she could feel it. 

“You sure?” 

“Yes, let’s just-” Shit. He knew. He knew. She was blowing it. People were going to notice. Everyone would notice and Lily would be ruined, the whole plan gone to shit because Lily couln’t get it together. 

Come on Evans. Focus. Be normal. Focus. 

Thankfully, Severus didn’t press it further and they finished their potion in quick silence. At the end of class, Professor Slughorn called after her. “Miss Evans, could I speak to you for a moment?” 

No. 

No no no no no. 

He could tell. Lily was going to get found out. She was going to get expelled, or- no. She could do this. She could lie her way out of this, or-

“Miss Evans. I couldn’t help but notice that your performance in my class has begun to degrade this past year.” Oh. Well, Lily supposed she had been a bit distracted. “And while I can’t say I’m not disappointed, it’s rare that I have such a promising young student come through my classroom, especially one with your background. But I wanted to assure you not to take this setback too hard. No one expects you to maintain such a level of success, and it’s important to be kind to ourselves.” He didn’t know. A wave of relief came over her- thank goodness.

“And I wanted to recommend you seek assistance from your fellow classmates. Young Potter is a friend of yours isn’t he? Perhaps he could provide you with additional guidance, I’m sure a bit of peer-led tutoring would do you both some good.” Thank god he didn’t know. Now she just needed to end this conversation as quickly as possible, before he noticed that Lily was actually ten thousand pixies in a wizard robe.

“Oh-er-right.” 

“No one is more committed to seeing you succeed than I am.” He added. 

“Right, I’ll um-ask him.” 

“Fantastic! Well, off you go.” It was only once she was half way down the hall that the professors’ words sunk in. He wanted Lily to get tutoring from James? Fucking James? No doubt, James was a wiz at potions, but Lily could run circles around his brewing. Everyone knew James’ potion abilities were only clinical. Sure he could list every ingredient for weedosoros, but when it came to the finer nuances of brewing: temperature control, ingredient texture, proper mixing, he was downright clumsy. And Professor Slughorn wanted Lily to receive potions help from him?  

Lily stomped into the common room in a strop. She was so angry. Angry because… because… Actually, she couldn’t quite remember. Well, whatever it was, it must have been rather silly if she’d forgotten so quickly. 

“Hey! Evans!” Lily jumped at the sound of her name, coming from the lumpy green couch. She peered behind it and found one James Potter, lying flat on his back.

“What are you doing?” Whatever it was, it was incredibly stupid. James Potter was incredibly stupid and terrible at potions, also. 

“Being the floor, come try it.” James declared, he'd absolutely lost it. Lily laid down next to him. 

“What now?” She asked. 

“Now you’re the floor.” 

As it turned out, being the floor was actually quite nice. Lily felt her body melting into a flat puddle, losing all sense of mass. 

“D’you think this is how grass feels?” Lily asked. 

“Probably.” James said. “What do you reckon my animagus will be?” 

“I dunno- probably something dumb like a slug, or a toad, or a beetle.” 

“Hey- beetles are cool.” 

“If you were a beetle, I’d squash you.” 

“I think I’ll be something cool, like a lion, or a tiger, or…” 

“Or a bear? Oh my!” Lily burst into a fit of giggles.

“No not a bear.” James said, missing the joke entirely. “Maybe I’ll be a bull, or a ram- something with great big horns, that’d be nice wouldn’t it?” 

“Maybe you’ll be a horned beetle.” 

“Well I think you’ll be a vulture, a big, ugly bald one with beady eyes and stupid feathers.”  

“No way, I’m going to be a beautiful golden mare.” 

“Hmm… well you do look a bit like a horse.” Lily elbowed him sharply in the ribs. “Ow! You’re ruining my floor time. Floors don’t talk. Shh-”  

By Friday, Lily was starting to feel more herself. She was still a bit wobbly and slow, but her brain no longer felt like it was leaking out her ears like soap bubbles. James was morose. He’d missed two Quidditch practices that week and toppled off of his broom during a third, which meant he wasn’t allowed to play in the match on Saturday, the last of the year. 

“Oh come on Jamie, it’s not that bad.” Sirius said, rubbing the disheartened boy on the back.

“It’s horrible, this is a disaster, a nightmare, all my dreams, ruined.” 

Peter scoffed. “Merlin, you’re bloody dramatic.” 

“Easy for you to say, you’re playing first keeper in the game.” James glared at him. 

“I dunno why you’re so upset, it's your own damn fault for missing practice.” Marlene said, flicking a pea at him from across the table. Lily was honestly shocked that they’d all managed to keep the secret from Marlene for six months. 

…

“By the way...” Lily sat perched on the railing of the bridge, staring through her hand at the water below. “Professor Slughorn said you should tutor me in potions.” Lily said bitterly. 

James let out a shrieking laugh. “What? That’s ridiculous!” 

“Oh. Good, so you agree?” 

“Agree with what?” 

“That I’m the best at potions.” 

“ Duh. It’d be rather embarrassing for you if you weren’t, considering how much of a swot you are.” Leave it to James to find the rudest way to give someone a compliment. 

“Merlin, you know Professor Slugbreath tries to give me potions suggestions to send my dad like… everytime I see him.” 

“James you see him like every day.” 

“ Exactly . He’s the worst!” James exclaimed. He popped his head out from beneath his cloak. “Alright, I think it’s time.” 

Step Five: Wait for Electrical Storm

Chapter Text

Chapter 23: i’m sure we can find something for you to do on stage  

Her parents were so thrilled when Petunia was born. At least that’s the story they tell. Her mother suffered through a modest but excruciating four hours of labor to deliver every newlyweds dream: a healthy baby girl with whisky blond curls that had yet to darken with age and her father’s blue eyes. And if her father had ever been disappointed that she didn’t come out a boy, he certainly never said. 

And for two blissful years they were the perfect family. Well, really it was more like 15 months, and then Petunia’s mother started getting sick again, shoving off nappy duty to her husband while she lost her lunch in the loo. But still, two blissful years, Petunia was turning out to be a happy, if slightly fussy child, and her parents were utterly devoted to her. Bliss. 

Or so she imagined, she was barely two at the time, so the memories aren’t quite solvent. But even if it was true that Petunia doesn’t quite remember her stint as an only child, before that wretched second came along, she knew it had to have been a peaceful, glorious time. 

So it wasn’t really that hard to pretend she was one again. Lily was gone most of the year anyway, didn’t even come home for Easter. And Petunia found she rather enjoyed being an only child. 

A horrible crashing sound came from the kitchen, interrupting Petunia’s rendition of Sonata no. 16. 

“Oh Craig! ‘Tunia come quick!” Her mother called, and Petunia made it to the kitchen just in time to see… a gaudy owl flapping away from the window sil. 

“Craig! Darling!” Holly chirped and soon enough Petunia’s father was rounding the corner. “Lily’s sent us a letter!” 

Well… so much for her fantasies. 

Her father rushed to his wife’s side as the two stared in awe at the parchment (yes, actual parchment, it was bloody disgusting, not to mention absurd, if you asked Petunia.) 

“I don’t understand the big fuss, Lily calls you both every week.” 

Holly looked sternly at her. “Well yes, but that doesn’t have hardly the charm of a handwritten letter, and she hardly ever sends them now.” Right, which was for good reason, after Petunia had stressed just how impracticale having a  bloody owl  fly into their home was. 

Petunia’s parents opened the letter and began to read it aloud, alternating line by line as though they were reading a note from the king. Petunia scoffed and turned from the room.

”Wait- Tunia don’t you want to hear what-“ 

“No!” 

…

Petunia’s knife made a clanging sound against her plate as she cut through the meatloaf she had eaten two nights in a row. 

“… oh and turning a cat into a stool! How absolutely marvelous.”

Or terrifying. 

Petunia’s mother hadn’t shut up about the letter in hours. 

“And getting special permisssion from her professor to do advanced potions work! I should have known that our Lily would excel, she’s always been such an exceptional student.” Had she? Petunia didn’t ever recal her getting particularly impressive marks. 

Petunia piped up. “Mr. Adams, said that my article on school lunch funding was the best piece he’s seen submitted to the school paper since he’s been supervisor. 

“Oh, yes that’s excellent Petunia.” Holly smiled. “See that dear, we have two excellent children!” 

“And, he says that he’s going to send my article to the paper editor at St. Joseph’s and if he likes it I’ll have a top position next year for sure.” 

“Oh wonderful. You know journalism makes for a very exciting career. I mean, it’s no potioneer but still-”  

Petunia’s father nodded behind a large swallow. “Yes absolutely, just make sure it doesn’t take time away from your other studies, they don’t offer A-levels for journalism do they?” 

“No, not technically, but it will look good for university, and of course it’s good for my literary development, overall.” 

“Ah, that’s a good reminder.” Craig muttered. 

“Do you think now’s a good time?” Petunia’s mother said to her husband, as though Petunia wasn’t even there.

”Good as time as any.” Craig shrugged.

“Petunia, your mum and I were talking, and we think you’re old enough to get a job. Now- only if you want. But especially if you’ve got your heart set on university, you know your mother and I are- well, we’re  fine, but we don’t have much in way of spare funds, especially with your sister at that school. So we just thought- well, it might be a good idea.”

Right. Right, Petunia didn’t know how much her parents were paying, precisely for Lily to attend Hogwarts. But suffice to say it was more than nothing, a lot more. Any concept of a university fund had washed away with Lily’s first year of tuition. 

“Again, only if you want.” Holly rushed out. “But if you do want to go to university.” 

“Right.” It’s not as though Petunia had been  expecting  her parents to pay for university. “There are scholarships though right, that I could win.” 

Her mother smiled, “Oh of course there are, darling. But it may not be wise to… rely on that. Scholarships are rather competitive are they not?” And Petunia was not, rather competitive. Was that it? 

“Right, yeah, yeah that’s a good point. I’ll think about it then, the job.” 

“Good.  Good.  And, it could be rather fun don’t you think? Well, not to say that work is  fun.  But a first job is a right of passage. And, if you like, my factory is looking for a new clerk, simple job, good for a young lady. If you like.” 

“I’ll… think about it.” 

Petunia did not like. 

She’d gone to Marty first, despite his insistence that the chippy was a horrible hell of hot grease and ornery factor workers, working  with  Marty seemed a far cry more enjoyable than any other job she could imagine. Unfortunately, that was all moot, as the chippy wasn’t hiring. Nor was the theater or the skate rink. Apparently, the three jobs that were attractive for teenagers in Cokeworth were tightly fought over. 

And so, Petunia was left with her father’s factory. 

It wasn’t his factory, mind. Just the factory that he worked at as a floor supervisor. An upgrade from working the line, but hardly noble. The factor built refrigerator parts. Not refrigerators, just parts, that were then shipped out to another factory somewhere in Rutland. 

Still, he must have had enough sway to convince the manager to give his daughter a job. Not that it was a particularly complex or difficult position, Petunia guessed any dimwit could do it. Mostly, she just collected paper forms form the employees, sorted them by name, and handed them over to the accountant. She also answered phone calls whenever they came in, which was rarely. Mostly, it was unbearably dull. Not to mention it was taking precious time away from her O-level revisions. 

On the bright side though, if she did poorly on her O-levels, and subsequently poorly in sixth form, and therefore not get into any Universities, at least she’d have a job in this sodding factory. Hell, she’d probably even be able to move up to a full secretarial role. 

Truly the dream. Her future was looking positively bright. 

“Explain it to me again?” Erdy asked as he ripped a large root from the ground. He’d finally come up from his winter hibernation. Which, according to Erdy, was nothing of the sort. He was not dormant, just underground. If anything, the winter was the most bustling time of year for a garden gnome. With all the growing done, they had time to focus on other things, like playing with the younger gnomes. They would even burrow deeper to central meeting places with other gnomes and host entire week long parties, which Petunia didn’t quite know if she believed or not. 

But the ground had finally begun to unfreeze and so, Erdy had made a reappearance, one that was marked by him thumping loudly on Petunia’s back porch until she’d come outside. 

He still refused to enter the house. (Much to Holly’s relief. In the few times she had interacted with the gnome she had looked at him sternly and said, “You can come in the house, but you better hose off first.” Thankfully, Erdy was disinclined to do anything of the sort.) 

Spring showers (which was a rather flowery way to describe the torrential downpour that had descended upon the midlands for weeks on end) had turned the entire backyard to wet mush, which Erdy had absolutely relished in, the utter lunatic. 

Erdy frolicked in the garden like a cat who’d gotten the cream, waxing excitedly about how perfect this rain would be for the soil. Petunia, however, preferred the dry safety of the covered porch. As did Martin, who seemed like he’d rather not be outside at all, if it weren’t for the magical gnome who he’d become mildly obsessed with, along with any and all things magic. 

“Okay, so, humans have centralized the collection of food, right? So instead of everyone going out and finding their own food, a few people figured out how to grow lots of food.” 

“I know what  farming  is.” Erdy protested. True he had talked about farming before, and particularly, how sodding bad humans (or at least any of the English humans he’d met) were at it. 

“Right, so, since our farmers make way more food than they need, they then created ways to trade it to people, for other things. So money is sort of like, a proxy. You could think about it like… a voucher, ten pounds is equal to ten… radishes or whatever. Which is a hell of a lot easier than trading in actual radishes.” 

“Uh huh… so, why don’ the farmers just give away their radishes? If they’ve got more than they need. Why don’t they just give the rest out, and no one needs to waste time with any of that money stuff?” 

“Because…”

”Because they’re a bunch of greedy cocks.” Marty piped up. And well, he wasn’t wrong about that. 

“Humans are ridiculous. Always overcomplicating shit.” 

“You can say that again.” 

Erdy grumbled and went back to his mucking up the yard. 

“Do you think Rock is bent?” Martin asked, he had a large maths textbook in his lap that he had been neglecting in favor of the latest copy of Rolling Stone.

“As in Hudson? Er- no? Why?” 

“I dunno. I just get a sort of vibe. I’m good about that sort of thing you know?” 

“Are you?” Unlikely, considering Martin had been dead wrong about Jared. Not that Petunia was willing to mention that. She did have some decorum.

“Clocked you didn’t I?” 

“Whatever.” 

Erdy clamored up the the steps with a bundle of clippings in his hands, leaving globs of muddy foot and hand and elbow prints. Petunia had offered to make him a smaller set of stairs to climb, but he’d balked at the mere suggestion, apparently hiking up steps half the height of his entire body was a point of pride. 

“You’re welcome.” Erdy huffed, dropping the bundle of clippings right into Petunia’s lap, sprinkling dirt and drops of mud onto her skirt.  

“Oh! Thanks.” Petunia held up the odd purple leaves, nearly fluorescent in color. 

“What’s that?” Martin asked. 

“Purple archangel, Erdy found some growing wild near the fence, it keeps you from falling asleep if you brew it into tea.”

”I thought you weren’t a witch.” Martin said, smirking at her like he was making some sort of point. 

“I’m not.” Martin's impetuous stare held fast. Petunia rolled her eyes. “It’s basically just stronger coffee, besides, I’m not doing magic, just using it.” 

“Uh huh.” He seemed rather unconvinced. “Hey Haberdashen, you can grow plants with magic right?” 

“Ugh, it’s not  magic.  I speak to the plants, they’re excellent listeners.” Plants had certainly never listened to Petunia. “Why?” 

Erdy had been rather distrustful of Martin, which was unsurprising, as he was distrustful of everyone. 

“So can you grow any plant or does it have to be from a seed?” 

“I can’t grow a plant from nothin! That’s ridiculous.” 

“Right, of course. But what about, say, a leaf or something?” 

“Hmmm. Could be possible, but tricky, seeds better.” 

“Right, but you could? Possibly?” 

Erdy glared at him. “Why?” 

“Well, it’s just that there are certain plants that I am quite frond of, but they're rather difficult, not to mention expensive to come by, and since we both agree that money is a senseless, human invention.” 

Petunia kicked him in the shins, nocking the mischievous grin from his face. “Cut it out! He’s not doing that?” 

“Doin’ what?” 

“Marty here is trying to trick you into growing illicit drugs for him.” 

Marty gasped. “Petunia! I can’t believe you would suggest that I’d do something so uncouth! I would never stoop so low as to- no, yeah, yeah that’s exactly what I was doing.” 

Suddenly, a flying green projectile landed squarely on Martin’s book, he shrieked and flung the book along with the winged frog off him.

“Bloody Christ! Get it off me!” Marty shuffled across the deck away from the creature. “Holy hell you still have that thing?” He cried at Erdy.

Erdy shrugged and shooed the creature. “I told ya, I’m not keepin’ it, Longlick is free to come and go as ‘e pleases.” 

Longlick was a terrible name for a frog, or anything, in Petunia’s opinion. She only hoped Erdy had better taste when it came to the names of his actual children. None of which Petunia had ever seen or met, and she was starting to believe they might be entirely fictional. 

The frog took flight, flapping into the harsh rain. “See?” Erdy said. Narrowing his eyes, Erdy’s mouth fell into a deep frown. “He always comes back though.” 

…

It was 1:52 am and the sodding phone was ringing. Who the hell called at 1:52 in the morning? (Petunia knew it was 1:52 because she had not been precisely what one would call ‘asleep’ at the time. Though that hardly seemed relevant)

”Hello?” She answered before she had time to think better of it. Or realize that there was only one person who would be ringing her at 1:52 in the morning. 

“Petunia!”  Lily shrieked into the phone. “ Oh-shhh- we have to be quiet.”  She changed to a whisper. 

“Lily, it’s 2 in the morning.” And Petunia shouldn’t have picked up the phone.  “ In fact, she should have just hung up then. 

“ I knowwwww. But I couldn’t sleep.” 

”That isn’t my problem.” Of course, after months of mutually agreed upon radio silence, Lily was calling her as if there were no bad blood, sounding rather- well, sounding rather. 

“Lily, are you drunk?” 

“What? No! I’ve never even tried alcohol- Well- there was that one thing Prof-Professor Slughorn served at his christmas party, which might’ve been goblin wine. But it was sooooo nasty! I only took one sip, I swear.”  Lily said with a giggling trill.

“Right, well, it’s 2 am so if you don’t mind-“ 

“No wait!” 

“What?” 

“I miss youuu! We never talk anymore and I know you’re mad at me!” 

“I am not.” 

“Yes you are! You’ve been mad at me since Christmas! It’s because I didn’t come home isn’t it? I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to stay behind but Re- I had to finish my project and-“ 

“That’s not why I’m mad at you.” 

“Ah hah! So you  are  mad at me!”  Lily sounded rather too triumphant about that. 

“Lily, it’s two in the morning, and you’re- well I don’t know what’s going on with you but you’re acting funny. Can we not talk about this now?” 

“Oh-okay, what do ya wanna talk about then?”

”Nothing, I want to go to sleep.” 

“But- wait, tell me why you’re mad at me. How am I supposed to fix it if I don’t know!” 

  “That isn’t my problem.” 

“Ugh! You’re always so stubborn you know that? Why can’t you just be-“ 

“It’s two in the bloody morning!” 

“Well… will you tell me tomorrow?” 

Petunia sighed, she’d rather not talk about it tomorrow either. “Yeah, alright. If you want to talk about it tomorrow…” 

“Okay! I’ll call you first thing! Well, maybe not first thing. I’ve got to do a… thing, but then- well I’ve got to go to classes! But after that, I’ll call you, and then we can be sisters again! Okay?” 

“We’re still sisters.” 

“Right! Yes! I’ll call you tomorrow, swear!” 

“Yeah, sure, cheers.” Petunia slammed the phone back into the receiver and rolled back into bed.

 …

Lily didn’t call. Not the next day or the day after. Whatever momentary lapse of judgment or potential impairment she seemed under had apparently worn off. 

But that was just as well. 

Chapter Text

Dawn crested over the horizon, spilling warm sunlight through the window of the girl’s dormitory and casting upon it a gentle glow.

And also an ear splitting alarm that ripped across the room, startling its residence awake. Lily flailed blindly for her wand tangled in her sheets. She held it to her heart and muttered a well worn phrase, “ Amato Animo Animato Animagus”, then flopped back against her pillow.

Time was running out. The spring term ended in less than 10 days and there had not been a lick of lightning. Once term ended, they would have to clear out of the dormitory, disturbing their not to be disturbed potions.

They would all have to start over.

And that was assuming any of them could complete the transformation in the first place. As it turned out, learning wandless transfiguration was more of an undertaking than she, or any of the 3rd year Gryffindors had been expecting.

Lily had been the first one to get the hang of wandless magic, but she had a bit of a target issue in regards to transfiguration, half the time, her poppies turned to dandelions not daisies, and her teacup became a gerbil not a bluejay. Sirius and Pandora excelled at the transfiguration portion but became utterly useless without their wands. Mary could manage wandless charms but not transfiguration, and Peter, who had never been one for transfiguration even with his wand, had a tendency to transform things into halfway abominations. Only James seemed to have a moderately good handle on both, which he bafflingly attributed to his flying skills, since flying was, technically, a wandless spell.

Between the six of them, they’d each managed a single human-animal transfiguration with the use of a wand, an advanced sixth year spell, but doable. But they’d need to do a lot better than that for the animagus ritual to work.

Not that any of that would matter if the storm didn't come.

In any case, Lily was dead on her feet. And trying to make up for months dedicated to the animagus project while falling behind in her studies. She would not allow herself to be labelled mediocre in the eyes of her professors over this. But between exams and afternoons spent studying advanced transfiguration and waking at the arsecrack of dawn, she was turning into one of the ghosts who haunted the castle.

“Wait who implemented the witchcraft act of 1604?” Pandora hunched over her History of Magic notes, holding them an inch from her face, likely due to the complete chicken scratch that she called penmanship.

“Queen Elizabeth.” Lily supplied, vaguely recalling Professor Bins referring to it as the Elizabethan act.

“No, James was King in 1604.” Mary said.

“But didn’t Queen Elizabeth make witchcraft punishable by death?”

“Yes, but that was the Witchcraft act of 1562, Act Against Conjurations, Enchantments and Witchcrafts , James made the Act of 1604, An Act against Conjuration, Witchcraft and dealing with evil and wicked spirits .”

“Good grief, how many different acts were there?”

“In England? Six, no- seven, depends on if you count the Scottish act of 1649.” Mary answered.

“Why wouldn’t you count it?”

“Well Scottland wasn’t part of the UK in 1649.”

“The UK didn’t exist in 1649.” Lily’s head fell back against the edge of her bed. Her brain felt like soup.

A loud knock at the door startled them all to their feet, and Lily opened the door to see none other than James Potter, hovering on his broomstick.

”What the hell? You can’t fly that in here!”

James’ face was red and sweaty as he barreled into their dorm room and onto his feet. “No bother about that- you’ve got to come see.”

“See what?” Mary asked.

“Just- come on.” James all but shoved them out of the dorm and down the stairs, which turned to a slide the moment James stepped down on it.

The shouting in the boy’s dormitory could be heard a story away, James threw the door open, revealing Sirius Black, howling in laughter, a shouting Remus Lupin, and in the middle of the room, a live donkey, with the head of a boy. Specifically, one Peter Pettigrew.

“It’s not funny!” Yelled Peter, “Fix it!”

”Oh Peter, I always knew you were a bit of an arse but this is a new level.”

“Is he alright?”

“No! He’s not alright!” Peter cried. “He’s a sodding donkey!”

“We were testing our self transfiguration and he got a bit er- stuck half way.” James snickered.

“I swear to Merlin if one of you doesn’t fix me right now I-“

“Oh calm down Pete, we’ll fix you up.” Sirius bridged his fingers and cracked his knuckles.

“Wait!” Lily shouted. “Wait, actually, this is a perfect opportunity to test the reversion spell.”

Sirius glared at her. “Yes Evans, that’s exactly what I’m doing-“

“No, not you, Peter. So far we’ve only been able to do it on each other because animals can’t do spells- but since Peter’s still got his head on…” If the glare he gave her were any indication, Peter didn’t seem to have any interest in giving into any further experimentation.

“Oh come on, just give it a go.”

“Fine.” Peter clenched his eyes shut and shouted the words of the reversion spell, when it yielded no results he returned to glaring. “Didn’t work- now someone fix me!”

“Try one more time.”

“Also, really, you should try it wordlessly, since you won’t have a voice as an animal.” Sirius added.

“Fine.” Peter huffed and his face contorted into a look of concentration. They waited in anticipation. And waited… and waited.

“Alright, fix me now!”

”Sure thing chap.” Sirius said, flicking his wand in Peter’s direction. Peter’s donkey body began to wobble and raise up onto it’s hind legs, and Peter stumbled on his human legs before toppling back onto his bum.

“Bloody finally- that was horrible.” Peter shuttered.

Perhaps it was best if the storm never came.

…

Lily stuck the sharp tip of a paring knife into the fat belly of a live caterpillar, whispering a quick apology to the wriggling insect.

“Wait!” Remus pressed nose to his textbook, Lily was starting to suspect he needed glasses. “Do the instructions say to cut them?”

“No-” Lily pulled the knife down the bug, slicing it in two. “But the blood infuses better if you-” she squeezed the now very dead caterpillar into her cauldron, then dropped it in. “put it in directly.”

Remus looked back and forth from his textbook to the cauldron, then nodded. “Okay.”

Lily was right of course. Not only did she finish her brew five minutes before anyone else, it transformed her and remus perfectly and evenly into three inch tall miniatures. No surprise to Lily, she had tested the potion, along with a whole host of other transfiguring potions, months before in researching for the animagus potion.

“Ever think maybe Slughorn shouldn’t make us test our own potions?” Mary muttered as the left the potions laboratory. Idis Travers had to be carted to the healing wing after her potion began shrinking only the left side of her body, and they’d nearly lost Peter who’d gotten the dosage wrong and shrank to the size of a fly.

“Probably not.” Remus shrugged.

“Not that I can say I’m that choked up about Idis.”

“Lily!” Mary scolded. What? It wasn’t like Idis was ever kind to them. Lily hoped she never got completely back to the right size.

“My da gave me shrinking potion once, to help with the, you know.” Remus bobbled his head.

Mary snickered, “Really? Why”

“Thought it would be easier to manage me if I was-” Remus held his fingers up and squeezed one eye shut as he shrunk the gap between them.

“Did it work?” As far as creative ideas went, it wasn’t the worst Lily had thunk up.

“Yeah, sort of, but shrinking potion wears off after a few hours, and they couldn’t get the you know what to drink it again, so it was more trouble than help, since they didn’t know when exactly it’d wear off.”

Lily skidded to a halt. “Shit, I’ve left my divination book in the dorm.” She turned to rush the other direction back to the dorms. With everyone in class, there was no one to tell her to slow down as she took the stairs two at a time and threw open the door to her dormitory.

There was a clattering and a creak from Marlene’s bunk. “Shit!”

Lily jolted in surprise, nearly tripping over her own feet. “Marl?”

Marlene’s head popped out from behind her bed curtain, face flustered a patchy red. “Lily, hi-hello. What are you doing here?”

“Forgot my Div book.” Lily swiped it from her bookshelf. “What are you- are you bunking off class.”

“Uhm- yes- yeah it would seem that I am.”

“Marlene… are you… alone in there?”

“Um… yes?”

“Right, well I’m just- I’ve got to- class.” Lily scattered out of the room and booked it back to the north tower, slipping into her seat next to Mary just in the nick of time.

“Close call.” Mary whispered to her.

“You’ll never guess what just happened.” Lily whispered. “I got to the room and Marlene was there, in her bunk.”

“Do you think she’s sick?”

“No- I think, she was in there with someone.”

“What!” Mary gasped.

“Ahem-” Professor Daycrow gave them a stern glare. “Ladies, shall I begin lessons or would you like to finish gossiping?”

“Sorry professor.”

…

After supper, which Marlene was also conspicuously absent from, Lily, Mary, and Pandora decided they needed to confront their roommate.

Well, Mary and Lily did. Pandora was less committed.

“..Are you sure we should- I mean if she was keeping it a secret surely she wants it to be- secret, that is.” So much for Pandora being the inquisitive one.

“No, absolutely not!” Lily didn’t give a gnaff if Marls wanted to keep it a secret or not.

Mary huffed. “As her roommates, we have a right to know if she’s bringing some bloke into our room to snog!”

Exactly.

“Besides! You shouldn’t keep secrets from friends.” What was Marlene so afraid of? It’s not as if any of them would judge her. Well, perhaps if she was snogging someone like Mulciber. But Marly wouldn’t do that.

“We’re keeping secrets from her…”

“Not that kind of secret. This is totally different.” Mary pulled open the door to their dormitory to find one Marlene McKinnon, hand outstretched to reach for the door.

“Shit. Have I missed din?”

Mary shoved her way into the room. “Cut the shit McKinnon.”

Marlene pressed her hand into her forehead. “Shit.” Sending Lily a most murderous death glare, “What did you tell them.”

“Nothing! Just… that you were dodging class. And… that it seemed like you were maybe, perhaps, not alone.”

“Lily!”

“What? You weren’t! And don’t pretend like you weren’t, I could hear someone breathing!”

Mary stomped up to Marlene, “So, McKinnon, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“I- okay, fine, yeah I was with someone. So? It’s not a big deal.”

Mary squawked, “Not a big deal! You’ve got a secret boyfriend-”

“Or girlfriend.” Pandora chimed.

“Or girlfriend, that you’ve been hiding from us!”

“And you’re skipping class.” Pandora supplied.

“And you’re skipping class!” 

“Oh big whoop- it was 4th year Muggle Studies, I’ll tell Professor Grant I was sick or something.”

“Right like that’ll work-no- we’re getting off track. Marlene. Out with it, now.”

“She doesn’t have to tell us if she doesn’t want to.”

“She does absolutely have to tell us.” As if Marlene would ever let it go if it were her she’d caught secret snogging.

Marlene sighed. “Ugh fiiine. But you can’t tell anyone, especially not James or Sirius.” Oh god, Lily filled with dread, it wasn’t Severus was it? No, that was ridiculous. Then another Slytherin?

“Yeah sure, just fess up.” Mary said.

“Fine… it’s Alice.”

Alice?

“Alice? As in Alice?”  That was it? The big secret?

“Do you know any other Alices?”

“Well, no.”

“But- that, you and Alice?”

“It does make a certain sense if you think about it.” Pandora hummed.

“Yeah,” Lily said, “It does- Marlene, why was that some big secret?” Out of all the people, well, Marlene and Alice did spend a lot of time together and, everyone loved Alice, well, maybe not Lindsey Bell, but most people!

“It’s not ‘cause she’s a girl is it?”

“What? No! Of course not. It’s- Alice is The Team captain.” Marlenes says The Team like the it’s the only team that exists, and it might as well be to Marlene.

“So? Captains can’t date?”

“Sure they can, but- if people found out that she and I were- well we haven’t actually defined it per se- but regardless! If they found out they might think she was giving me preferential treatment.”

“That’s stupid.” Lily said. “You’re the best beater in the whole school, everyone knows that.”

“Well- thanks, yes I am- but I don’t want people thinking it’s ‘cause I’m shagging the captain!”

Lily gasped. “You’re shagging?”

“Like full on sex?” Mary added.

Marlene went the colour of a freshly picked strawberry. “Well, um- I- yeah.”

“Mar lene !” Lily squealed.

“You have to tell us everything.” Mary demanded.

“What was it like?” Pandora’s curiosity finally seemed piqued. “Does it hurt?”

“How long have you been doing it?”

“How long did it take?”

“What even is it?”

Marlene hopped backwards onto her mattress and crossed her legs. “Right, alright, listen close children…”

She didn’t spare any detail as she described, what was honestly much more than Lily would have ever wanted to know, her and Alice’s first time, and their second, and third, and well apparently Marlene had been very busy this last year, and not just with quidditch practice.

“So that’s why you’ve been gone all the time?” Lily summized.

“Well, part of the time we were actually running Quid drills.” Marlene bit her bottom lip. “And.. if we just so happened to have an empty locker room to ourselves after…”

Lily squealed. “Okay! We get it!”

“Honestly this is way more than I ever wanted to know about lesbian sex!” Mary cried. Lily agreed. Or any sex, for that matter.

“What sex?” Marlene squinted.

Of course Marlene wouldn’t’ve have ever heard that word before. Lily only knew it because she saw it on the cover of a magazine while standing in line at the corner shop. “Lesbian, it’s a muggle word for women who fancy other women.”

”Like after the island of Lesbos, I think.” Mary added.

“I had an uncle named Lesbos.” Pandora hummed, and the four girls dissolved into laughter.

Marlene came to an abrupt hault, then nodded towards the window. "It's sundown."

Mary swore and scampered off the bed and Pandora pulled her wand out of her hair.

Shit. Oh shit, Lily had completely lost track of time and her wand was-where the bloody hell was her wan-

Wait. Shit. Lily was in it deep now, because why would Marlene know about sundown?

Marlene tossed her own wand to Lily. "Oh don't look at me like that? Did you really think I didn't notice? Now hurry up." Lily muttered the incantation and threw the wand back to Marlene.

Mary baulked. "You know?" Well, she certainly did now.

Marlene snorted, "Was it ‘sposed to be a secret?"

“Um- well, yes?” Pandora answered.

“Well you’ve done a right shit job of it!” Marlene laughed.

"We didn’t think you’ve noticed, you’ve been so distracted this year and well- now we know why but-“.

"I've got a girlfriend Lil, I didn't go blind. "

“But you never said anything-“

Marlene shrugged. “Why would I give a naff about what weird experiamental magic you lot get up to?” Marlene had always been less interested in well- magic, than the rest of them. Lily would think it was a side effect of being raised by wizards, but Pandora certainly had an affinity for magical experimentation. More likely, Marlene was rather more concerned with magic only so far as it pertained to hitting quafflers with her very big stick.”   

“You won't say anything will you?" Asked Pandora.

"Nah, what's they're to say? Tsnot like you’ve actually done it anyway." Marlene snickered.

…

In any other circumstances, Lily would have been riding high. Final exams had come and gone and Lily didn’t need to see the results to know that she had aced every single test. Even ancient runes which she had to admit, she had mostly ignored the entire year. She and Mary had stayed up the entire night before memorising dozens upon dozens of note cards and pondering whether or not a home brewed memory enhancing potion technically went against school rules, which only formally banned the use of existing memory potions and charms (and more importantly, if they would be caught).

Nevertheless, she flew through the exam without the use of any additive potions. But unfortunately for Lily, all she could feel was the utter calamity of a year wasted. There were only two days left in the term, and all their hard work would be flushed away (likely literally, they couldn’t very well just leave the potions in the floorboards over the summer).

“Do you see that?” Pandora pointed out the window on their way to the great hall, but Lily didn’t see anything but dreary sky. “It’s drizzling.”

“Yeah mate, it’s Scotland, it’s always drizzling.” Mary replied and shot the other girl a funny look.

“Yes, but I’ve got a good feeling about it this time.” Pandora said with a mad grin. Leave it to her to stay optimistic through the bitter end.  

When they reached the great hall, mail was already on its way, dozens of owls swirling about and delivering letters. A crisp, white letter landed directly in Lily’s hands, courtesy of an unfamiliar owl. The letter had a lustrous silver wax seal, containing the crest for the Ministry of Magic.

“Is that from the ministry?” Pandora asked. Lily had written them ages ago after the incident with the garden gnomes in herbology, she’d nearly forgotten entirely about the letter.

She tore the seal and read it aloud, “Dear Ms. Evans. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures has reviewed your petition and has concluded that Gernumbli gardensi, also known as the common scotch garden gnome, meets criteria for sentience. We are therefore recommending the Wizengamot move to include legislature to recategorize gnomes as beings.

Thank you for your concern, citizen involvement is a vital arm that helps the ministry of magic operate to the best of our abilities.

Signed, Newt Scamander.”

“Oh my god!” Mary squealed. “You did it!”

“I did it- I DID IT!” Lily shrieked, only remembering that she was in a crowded hall after the fact. She winced. ”Oh my god.”

“What are you all raving about?” Sirius plunked down at the Gryffindor table, unread letter tucked into his armpit.

“I’ve just received a letter from the Head of the Magical Creatures department. I wrote them last year about the gnomes, though they must have ignored it, but they did an investigation! They’re recommending Wizengamot recategorize them.”

Sirius huffed. “Ah-“

Well fine, he didn’t have to be happy about it if he didn’t want to, but he could at least pretend. “What?”

”No, uh- good for you Evans.”

“Yes, it is good for me, and gnomes everywhere. This could change history-“

Sirius snorted, “Unlikely.”

“Christ, you don’t have to be such a pessimist, I know being happy for me isn’t within your capaci- Hey!“

Sirius stole the letter out of Lily’s hand. “What is your problem, Black?” 

Shoving down into the seat next to him Lily reached for the letter as Sirius blocked her with his shoulder. For all of their attempts to get along this year, Sirius was certainly doing his best to make it as difficult as possible.

He dropped the letter back on the table and Lily snatched it back up.

“Yeah, sorry Evans, you haven’t done shit.”

“What are you talking about, it says right there that they’re making a recommendation to the Wizengamot. This could be huge, even going so far as building a precedent for creature reform throughout the ministry, you know how important that could be for… people.”

“Exactly, a recommendation. The Wizengamot isn’t actually going to do anything about it.”

“You don’t know that. If the head of the Department-“

“Newt Scamander doesn’t have any actual power in the ministry, and half of the Wizengamot think he’s an eccentric nut job. Even if they brought it to a vote, which probably won’t, it would likely fail, especially without a sitting member backing it.”

“Why would they vote against it? There’s clear evidence that the ministry has made a mistake.”

“Well my father certainly isn’t voting in favour of it.”

“Yes but your father is-“ Lily stopped before she could say something that would cause a real fight.

Sirius shot her a glare. “Exactly, and so are most of the people who sit on the Wizengamot.”

“Whatever.” Lily huffed. “There’s no point in arguing about it now, once they go back into session we’ll see who’s right.”

“Just trying to save you from getting your hopes too high.”

…

Lily wrote Mister Scamander back immediately, thanking him profusely and adding that if there was anything more she could do to aid in the Wizengamot’s decision she would do it. Forget what Sirius said, she wouldn’t let him steal the one redeeming light in an otherwise colossally disappointing year.

Just as Lily was stamping her letter, the tale-tale thump of running feet echoed from down the hall. Pandora tumbled through the portrait door to the common room, hair falling from her braid, cheeks red from exertion, her hands grasped her knees as she panted. “It’s happening.”

“What? What’s happening?” Pandora’s eyes popped wide as she attempted to catch her breath. There was only one ‘it’ that would call for such urgency. Lily dropped her quill. “Now?”

“Now.” Pandora confirmed. “Come on.” Lily and Pandora raced to the boys dormitory and pounded on the door.

Sirius pulled the door open with an irritated cant, “What?”

“We’ve got to go, now.” Lily pushed past him into the room.

“Electric storm.” Pandora answered and followed her in, alerting James and Peter and forcing them to their feet. Peter scrambled to retrieve their potions.

“Think we have to do it outside?”

“Better safe than sorry.” Said James, grabbing for his cloak and wrapping it around himself.

“We could go to the astronomy tower.” Pandora offered.

“We can’t do it in the castle, what if one of us is an elephant or something?” Peter said.

“The forest then-where’s Mary?” Sirius said as they all rushed back out of the dormitory.

“I’ll go find her, go ahead, we’ll catch up.” Lily broke off from the group and raced back to her dorm room.

“Mary! Mare, are you in here?” Lily shouted into the room, Mary peaked out from her bed curtains.

“What?”

“We’ve got to go, it’s time.” Mary’s eyebrows popped and she jumped from the bed.

“Shit- just let me-“ Mary scrambled for her shoes, hopping as she shoved them onto her feet. Lily grabbed her arm and all but dragged her from Gryffindor Tower.

The sound of thunder shook through the castle. Who could say how long they would have. Lily ran as fast as her feet could take her, tumbling down steps and skidding around corners, running so hard she felt herself skipping steps, like she was running on air rather than solid ground.

Stomping down the last set of stairs and onto the ground corridor, they rounded the corner leading to the courtyard, almost there, almost-

“LADIES!” Professor McGonagall’s commanding  voice brought them to an abrupt halt.

No. No no no. There was another crack of thunder, they didn’t have time for this. “What is the meaning of this?” McGonagall approached them with a brisk walk, eyes looming at them beyond the tip of her upturned nose.

“Nothing-we-weren’t-“ Lily panted.

“Just because exams are over doesn’t mean you can run through the halls like a bunch of wild pixies. I might expect such behaviour from the boys of your house, but I assumed you and Miss Macdonald would know the proper ways to conduct yourselves within these halls. I see I was wrong.”

“Sorry Professor.” Lily said through gasping breaths. “It won’t happen again.”

“And where exactly is it that you two were going in such a hurry.”

“Er-um”

“-Tennis Club. And tonight’s the tournament, we’re going to be late.”

“Tennis Club?”

“Muggle sport, you wouldn’t have heard of it.” Lily added quickly. McGonagall gave them a long accusing stare. “Please, we’re going to be late.”

McGonagall let out a slow breath through her nose. Another crack, the clock ticked. “Fine.”

Relief spread through Lily, “Thank you Professor-“

“But no running!” McGonagall shouted, and the girls slowed to a walk, the fastest walk they could, but still a walk, until they made it to the freedom of the courtyard, breaking out in a mad sprint for the forest.

The sky was dark, thick with storm clouds, as they broke into the tree line in the forest, they could have been transformed from day to night with how all the light blocked out.

Lily fumbled to cast a lumination charm, catching sight of the boys and Pandora fifty paces in. She and Mary trampled over to them, slowing to a stop with ragged breaths and sweat laden foreheads.

“Finally.” James said.

“Thought you might not make it.” Peter smiled at them and opened up the charmed box that contained their potion.

“Should we have told Remus?” Pandora asked.

James swore. “There wasn’t time, we’ll show him once it’s done, yeah? Pete hurry up.”

Peter stared into the box with a stricken and stalled look. Oh no. Something must have happened to the potions. Of course, no one was able to check on them, in the months that they were meant to be completely undisturbed, but what if they had spoiled or spilt or-

“Hurry up.” Sirius snapped.

“I-er-I-um I’m not sure which is which?” Peter answered sheepishly, and the other five heads craned to get a look. Sure enough, inside the case were six, perfectly undisturbed, but identical vials.

Shit.

How could they have been so stupid? The potions were specific to each of them, not exchangeable, how on earth were they to know who’s was whos? Labelling potions was a basic step of brewing, a fundemental, Lily knew this, they all knew this, they weren’t a bunch of sodding first years, and yet, they’d somehow all forgotten a key rule and now- it was ruined, they’d have to start over. Not now of course, summer was coming, which meant theyd have to wait until next fall, and take more of those blasted mandrakes.

“I think this one’s mine.” James said, grabbing one of the phials and inspecting it. “No wait- this one’s Siri’s” He grabbed another, “This one’s mine.”

“No, I think that one’s mine.” Pandora says. “I remember the little chip on the jar.”

“They’ve all got chips on them!” Mary said, inspecting the last two. “Wait-no this one’s definitely mine.” She snatched the Phial from Pandora’s hand. “It’s more green than the others, and I had the biggest mandrake leaf.”

“Evans, this one must be yours then.” James shoved a phial in her hands.

“No wait-“

“Actually maybe-“

“Were running out of time!” Sirius screeched, in time with a clap of thunder, putting the end to the bickering.

“Well what if we’ve got the wrong one?”

“Then it won’t work. But we’ve got to try, Moony’s counting on us, so are you going to drink it or are you going to keep bickering like a bunch of bloody chickens?”

“But what if-“

“There’s no time.” Lily said to Peter. “It’s now or never.”

“Right, yeah.”

“On three?” James raised his phial.

One.

Two.

Three.

Lily clenched her eyes and gulped down the phial. It tasted rancid, like rotten veg, slimy and fermenting and begging to come back up Lily’s throat, but she gulped again, forcing it down.

And then, nothing happened.

Six pairs of eyes darted around, waiting, watching to see if anyone felt the effects of the potion, but it was just-nothing.

“Well?” James asked. “Anything?”

“Nothing.” Mary said.

“I feel sick.” Peter mumbled.

“Maybe it didn’t work.” Lily felt her heart sink into the floor.

“You idiots.” Sirius grumbled. “We’ve got to-“ Letting out a huff, Sirius shut his eyes, mouth slightly agape and muttering silently to himself. Then, in the flicker of an instant, Sirius was gone, and before them was a huge black dog, like a hell hound, with its ink jet coat and glowing eyes. The dog let out a strangled whine, then Sirius was stumbling back onto his feet.

“Well don’t you all just stand there like a bunch of ninnies, give it a bloody go.” Sirius snapped, then melted back into the dog.

Lily closed her eyes, the words Amato Animo Animato Animagus rattling on loop in her mind. She tried to picture it, feel the change before it happened. Like she imagined a seed becoming a flower in her palm, or her body becoming weightless before it hit the ground. It would be so much easier if she knew what exactly she was becoming. She tried to imagine it: the fine hairs on her arms thickening and growing into a lush fur, her spine folding and extending into a tail, a bushy, fluffy thing like Alfie’s, her face warping and growing, no- lengthening, her nose widening until she could smell the rotting under layer of the grass and the damp musk of other animals, and her ears growing three times their size, twitching as they picked up the hum of shuffling doxies in the trees, and the wail of the breeze down the hillside.

Lily opened her eyes. The black dog towered over her now. And he was pleased. She could smell that he was pleased. He let out an excited bark. It’s me . Lily said, only it was not the voice she remembered, but a shrill yelp escaped. It startled her, she stumbled back on her hands- no they were feet. Stubby paws where her fingers had once been.

A blurry white thing popped front of her. Feathery and flapping its delicate wings. Lily had to have it. She jumped at it, but was pushed back by a huge branch knocking into her. Only the branch was connected to a large animal, with huge black eyes and faint white rings in the pattern of its fur. It huffed in her face, which she did not like. She snapped at it, but the big dog barked again.

The white treat, which was apparently not a treat, came closer, until it landed right on the tip of her nose. It’s tiny talons pricked at her skin, which she did not like. It tickled.

Lily could hardly see the thing so close to her face, but she could certainly smell it. Sweet and crisp like morning air and also the lavender scent of glittery hair potion and the citrusy smell of that horrible herbal tea Pandy was always drinking. Recognition washed over her slowly as the bird tapped its beak into her skull, nearly avoiding her eyes: friend.

No longer concerned with her, the dog and the tree branch one took great interest in sniffing one another. Leaves rustled, and Lily’s ears snapped to the sound of something scampering across the grass, it’s tiny tail disappearing behind a nearby tree.

But there was one more. Someone was missing? Weren’t they?

Lily found her sitting heavy against the tree, arms braced into the grass. Just a girl. She hadn’t changed like the rest of them. The girl made a sound. Words. Lily remembered. She was speaking words. They were slow to form meaning inside Lily’s mind. Can you change back?

Could she? Lily didn’t know. She was a girl, also. Or she had been. She could be a girl again. Lily focused on the girl at the tree, on her arms and her sprawled out legs and her short stubby face and-

Lily slammed back into her own body. “Are you alright?” She asked Mary quickly, stumbling to the grass next to her. “Did you do it?”

Mary shook her head vehemently, she looked frightened, or like she might lose her supper if she spoke. “It’s alright, you can try again, it’s really not that difficult if you-“

“Mary!” Pandora dropped properly out of the air and onto her feet. “What happened?”

“I started to- '' Mary panted. “But something felt wrong and I- I it was like I was growing too fast and I- started feeling hot, like I was going to catch fire or explode and I stopped.”

“You probably just got nervous, take some deep breaths, we’ll all go again.”

“No!” Mary’s voice seized. “No. It’s- it’s fine. I just- couldn’t do it.”

“That’s rubbish Mare-“

“I think I’ll just go back to the castle, it’s getting late.”

“But-“

“It’s fine Lily.” It was not fine, it wasn’t anything close to fine. They were supposed to do this together, not-

James and Sirius stumbled back into their bodies. “I can’t believe it! That was incredible!” James shouted.

“Hey, where’s Mac going?”

“She couldn’t do it.” Pandora answered.

“Bollocks.” Said James, “well still that’s five out of six, not bad I’d say- hey, where’s Peter?” A thick grey rat scurried up to them, and began to sniff at James' shoes.

“Pete, come on, change back, we’ve got to go show Remus.”

“I think he’s stuck.” Pandora said.

“You’re sure that’s him?”

Sirius was answered by the rat growing back into a boy and toppling over James, knocking them both to the ground.

“Shit.” Peter squeaked as the two boys scrambled to their feet.

“Holy-“ Sirius started.

“Oh my god.” Lily huffed. Oh my god. They did it. They actually did it. Months and months of trial and- oh my god. Lily started to laugh, Pandora joined in, and the boys followed.

They’d actually done it.

Chapter Text

Petunia creased a sheet of graph paper in half with the ridge of her thumb nail. She was getting rather good at making paper birds. That is, if one had never seen a bird, or paper before. 

The thing about refrigerator parts factories is that they were boring, boring, boring.

“Excuse me.” A hushed voice interrupted her careful creasing. “Do you, uh, know where I can buy some refrigerator parts?” 

Petunia sighed at the absolute imbecile leaning against her desk. It should have been clear as day to anyone with half a brain that this was a bloody factory, not a store.

“You’ve got to put in an advance order, we’re not a direct retailer.” 

“Bollocks.” Martin clicked his tongue. hopped up on her desk. 

“Marty get down! You'll get me in trouble.”  

“What’s the worst that can happen? You get fired and don’t have to work here anymore? Shame.” He held out his wrist, conspicuously lacking a wrist watch. 

“Besides- it’s six, darling. You’re off .”

Petunia rolled her eyes, tossing her paper monstrosity in the bin and hoisting  her bag onto her shoulder. It was six, and while the polite thing to do would be to wait for her shift replacement, she didn't really give a damn.

“Come on Evans, let's get the hell outta here.” 

Dennis, her supervisor, chirped as she left. “Aww Evans, you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

He was an overgrown child of a man, knobby knees and knuckles and a rapidly developing belly to match his quickly aging face. Petunia imagined he might have been handsome and rather charming a decade ago, but now he was neither.

Petunia opened her mouth but Martin beat her to it-

”Boyfriend? I could only hope. It’s been thirty six days of diligently escorting Ms. Evans home, and she has still yet to return my affections.” 

She was going to kill him.

“Aww- poor lad, come on, Evans, give em a chance!” 

“Worry not, I shall keep steady in my pursuits-“ Petunia dragged him out the door as Martin erupted into laughter.

Petunia socked him in the stomach to no effect. “You’re wretched!” 

“What? I just saved you from that entire factory vying over you.” 

“That’s disgusting! They’re all grown men and- and-“

”Exactly. Now they know they’ll have to go through me-“ Marty cracked his knuckles as if he were anything near a fighting man.

“Do you really think that’s much of a threat?” 

“Hey! Hey!” Martin chased after her. “I’ll have you know I’m plenty threatening. Loads of experience fighting.” He pounded his chest. 

“Why do I hang out with you?” 

Martin shrugged. “Carnal desire?” 

“Ew!” Petunia shrieked. If he were anyone else she would have called him an honorless cad of a man.

“So I was thinking," Martin began, a terrifying start to any sentence. "we should go dragon hunting.” 

“Sorry, what!” 

“Well not hunting as in like… killing, just searching. Or it doesn’t have to be dragons, we could look for… unicorns? Are those rare? Or Nessie? Is Nessie real?” 

“What’s gotten into you?” It must have been the heat. The exceptionally mild, hardly worth taking one's hat off, summer heat.

“Well I know you’ve said the wizards have all those rules about not telling people about magical creatures, but that doesn’t mean there are rules against us looking for them. And it’s not like they can be that hard to find, they’re massive.” 

“And when, do you propose we do this exactly? And with what money?” 

Martin shrugged. “This weekend? And we don't need money, just a mode of transportation and perhaps a map. Can't you borrow your parents car?"

"What on earth would I tell them I'm doing?"

"Dragon hunting of course."

Petunia couldn't tell her parents she was going dragon hunting. They would be entirely if the opinion that it was too dangerous. Granted, it likely was dangerous. But that wouldn't stop Lily if she were the one asking. The problem was, their parents fully deferred to Lily's opinions on magic as if she were an expert. The fact that she was barely fourteen made no difference. And Lily, was firmly of the opinion that magical creatures were far too dangerous for most muggles to even know about, let alone go out and seek.

So no, Petunia couldn't just ask her parents to borrow the car to go dragon finding.

“I can’t go looking for dragons this weekend, O-levels are next weekend and I’m not jeopardizing my future to go searching for magical creatures.” 

Also true.

“Oh fine you swot.” 

“I’d like to just make it to sixth form before thinking about monsters or magic.” 

“Hmm… right. About that… there’s something I should probably tell you.” 

Petunia clutched Martin's arm. “What? Oh god, you’ve been expelled! Haven’t you?” 

“No mum, I haven't been expelled…I’m not doing sixth.” 

Petunia stumbled to a stop. “Sorry, what?” 

“My cousin Sam lives in Hackney and said he could get me a job at the bank he works for, which I mean isn’t a dream or anything but it’s a good job and-” 

“Sorry, Hackney, as in Hackney, London.” 

“Yeah it-” 

“You can’t move to London!” 

Petunia must've been having a bout of hallucination, Marty couldn't just drop out of school to move to London.

“I know it’s a bit mad but-” 

A bit mad?

“But what about Sixth Form?” 

“It’s not like I was ever going anywhere, academically speaking. The whole point of school is to get a job isn't it, and now I’ve got one, so what’s the point in wasting two more years just so I could get a maybe slightly better job?” 

“But your parents-” 

“Couldn’t be happier to get me out of the house.” 

“No. No, you can’t move.” 

Martin laughed, “I appreciate the enthusiasm but-” 

“No, I mean it, you’re not going.” Martin needed to put an end to this foolishness, this lunacy, right that instant. Putin a simply could not survive with out him. And Marty- Marty wouldn't fair in London on his own. Without an education, without a savings, he'd end up hoping train cars just to make it back to Cokeworth to beg his parents to take him back in. It was a terrible, no good, horrible plan, and Martin simply could not do it.

“I hate to say it but it’s really not up to you.” 

“No, no, you can’t leave me. I mean what am I supposed to do without you?” 

“Don’t be so dramatic, you’ll be fine.” Martin laughed, he really was not taking this seriously at all.

“I’ll die, is what.” 

“You’re not going to die. You’re going to finish school and get into one of those swank universities and be just fine. Besides, you can come visit. I’d offer to do the same but there’s no way in hell I’m coming back to this place and-” 

“You’re serious? I mean we- we had a plan. To leave after sixth form. Together. And now you’re just going to screw it all up by leaving?”

“I mean, yes it’s a bit different than what we had planned, but- “

“No buts!  You’re just going to leave me in this backwater town alone!” 

“Oh bollocks, you’re not alone. You have your parents and Lottie, you were always a whole lot better at pretending than I was anyway.” 

Because she had Marty. It's easy enough to pretend when there was some sort of respite. Some way to drop the charade, even if only for a few moments. Without Martin, it would just Petunia with her own thoughts and her own thoughts and her own thoughts and her own-

“I can’t believe you would do this to me!” 

“I’m not- it’s not about you, Petunia.”  

“Fine then. I think I can walk myself home then, thanks.”  If Marty was leaving she might as well get used to being on her own now. No reason to drag it out.

“Fucking- fine.” Martin turned on his heel to track back down the river bank.

“Fine!” 

…

Petunia did not have Lottie.

That was the whole problem.

Physically, Lottie was here. Always, always pushing herself within a breath of Petunia, then pushing closer.

But emotionally? Spiritually? Lottie was as intangible as the wind.

“We could have-” Petunia pulled out a leftover casserole and sniffed it before recoiling and returning it to the refrigerator, “no- definitely not. I could make-“ she lifted the top of an egg carton, finding it half full, “eggs?” 

“For supper?” Lottie asked and Petunia shrugged, her hunger was rapidly outweighing her regard for proper meal times.

“I don’t know, I don’t really fancy cooking.” 

Lottie hopped down from the counter and sighed. “You’re hopeless.”

She shoved Petunia away from the fridge and began rummaging through it, pulling out an assortment of random ingredients, including the eggs and collecting them on the counter. 

A packet of sliced ham was shoved into Petunia’s hands. “Cut this up.” Lottie pivoted and went for one of the large pots and began filling it with water. 

“Have you always been this bossy?” 

“Yes.” Lottie fiddled with the stove top until it caught flame. “Besides, someone’s got to teach you how to cook don’t they?” 

“I know how to cook.” 

“Putting things in that cancer box is not cooking.” Lottie glared at the microwave. “Honestly, I don’t know how you ever expect to find a good man like that.” She pitched her voice high and shrill to match that of their home economics instructor, who had given Petunia the same remark at the sight of her less than pristine needle work the week before. Petunia rolled her eyes and pulled a chopping knife out of the island drawer. 

“You’re not funny.” 

“But Tuney, don’t you know that a woman’s prospects are worthless if she cannot attain herself a good husband.” Lottie’s hands snuck around Petunia’s waist, her laughter tickling Petunia’s ear. “though, you really are hopeless, I can’t watch this.” Lottie plucked the knife from Petunia’s hands, shoving her away from the cutting board. “Think you can manage cracking some eggs instead?” 

“Stop patronizing me.” 

“I will when you stop being such a shit cook.” Petunia stuck her tongue out at Lottie’s turned back but went on cracking eggs, with no shells falling into the bowl, thank you very much.

They worked together to make up Lottie’s vision, a poor man's Carbonari, the process was deceptively simple and painfully domestic. It left a fuzzy feeling in Petunia’s chest, filling her head with all sorts of fantasies of the two of them doing this in a house of their own. 

They saved half for Petunia’s parents and ate sitting on the floor, because there was absolutely no one to stop them. Because the rules didn’t count when they were alone.

“You should ring your parents, tell them you’re staying the night.” 

“I can’t, I’m getting a blow out at six.” Lottie made a pouting face

”I don’t know why you keep doing that.”

“You don’t like it?” 

Petunia did like it. But Petunia liked Lottie's hair in pretty much all states, even when the curls have turned to untamed frizz after sleeping on damp hair. Perhaps that was even her favorite.

“I e no it’s fine I suppose.” 

“Jack likes it straight.” Lottie says, though Petunia didn't recall asking Jack's opinion.

“Who gives a naff what Jack thinks.” 

“I do.” 

“Why?”

“Because we’re dating, why shouldn’t I care what he thinks?” 

“You’ve dated lots of boys, I’ve never seen you give a toss about what they like.” 

“I was practically a kid then, none of that was serious.” 

Petunia snorted, “Is that what you and Jack are? Serious?” 

“We’ve been together over a year Pet.” That couldn’t be right, could it? But when Petunia did the math, it had been since Christmas, last year. Looking at it that way made it seem much longer.

But still, it rushed out of her mouth almost all on it’s own. “Yes but, that’s not- but what about- you’re hardly loyal to him.” 

“What on earth are you talking about?” Lottie knew very well what Petunia was talking about. Petunia’s anger flashed bright and quick, just how long was she meant to go on pretending?

”You know- because- because-“ 

“Because of us?”  

The word landed with a shrill thud. Like a dead fish thrown upon a dock. Wet and slightly putrid. It didn’t belong there.  

Petunia’s voice caught in her throat. Yes. No. Yes. Of course that was what she meant. Because of us. Obviously. But Lottie said it like it was an absurdity. 

Lottie laughed and it felt like poking at a fresh bruise. “What you and I are doing, it’s not-“ anything. “It doesn’t count. It’s not as though I’m stepping out with some other bloke.”

“I doubt Jack would see it that way.” 

“Well, Jack isn’t going to find out. I mean, I’m certainly not going to tell him and you’re-“ 

“No, no I wouldn’t.” Petunia said quickly.

“Right, so I don’t see what the fuss is about.” The fuss was that Petunia didn't think Lottie cared about Jack. Not seriously. If she had known then maybe, well no. Nothing would be different. Petunia still would have held on to every crumb of affection that Lottie gave her, because she was desperate and pathetic and morally defunct.

Decent people did not sleep with girls with boyfriends. That was a terrible, wretched thing to do to someone. Petunia was terrible and wretched.

“Marty’s leaving.” Petunia said instead. 

“For the summer?”

“No. Forever. Off to London to, I don’t know, thinks he’s going to be a rock star or something.” Petunia wondered just how many tellers had secret dreams of becoming rock stars or great artists and instead let those dreams die cold hard deaths on the banks floor.

“What about sixth?” 

“That’s what I said.” 

Lottie brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh Pet… that’s awful. You must be devastated.”

Petunia wouldn't say she's devastated. Sure she had been a bit… surprised with the news. And perhaps she had not handled it with the peak of grace. But she would certainly not say she was devastated.

“I mean I’m not… thrilled-”

“Don’t worry though, there will be other boys, and you’re an absolute dame, I’m certain you’ll forget all about him in a few months.” Lottie bobbled her head like she's given Lottie sage advice.

“What? No- why do you always do that?” 

Lottie blinks. “Do what?” 

“You know Marty and I aren’t together.” 

“Well, I know you aren’t perhaps as formal as me and Jack, but that doesn’t mean-” 

“No. No. There is no me and Marty, Lot. There never has been, never will be. Not with Marty, not with any boy.” 

“Don’t say things like that.” Lottie frowned, eyes falling to the linoleum tile. Petunia wished she would stop telling her what to do all the time. If Petunia wanted to tell Lottie the ugly truth of her nature, Lottie would just have to hear it, damn if she wanted to or not.

“Why? It’s the truth.” Petunia kept her eyes locked on Lottie's face, until she was forced to meet her gaze.

“Because- because we don’t know the future, you might find the man of your dreams yet-” 

“For Christ's sake I know you are not this thick! Can we just speak honestly? Lottie, for once. I’m tired of pretending like- like-"

All the bite drained out of her. A sickly feeling slid down her throat, like if she let the words out she would surly be struck down by god's hand.

“Like what? If you’re set on saying the truth then spit it out."

“I- you’re going to miss your appointment.” 

“Right.” Lottie pushed up from the floor and saw herself out, leaving Petunia behind in the kitchen.

…

Martin sat alone at an unclaimed bench in the courtyard, swing in his leg, book in his hand.

Petunia had realized rather quickly that the remaining time Marty had was in fact, rather important.

“Hey.” 

It was time to grovel.

“Come to yell at me some more have you?” 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- I may have reacted slightly immaturely.” 

Martin raised a brow, but Petunia could see the beginnings of a grin. “Only slightly?” 

“Like a complete prick, alright?” 

“That’s better. Apology accepted.” 

Petunia plopped down on the bench next to him.

“So, London?” 

“Yeah.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

“Sam said I can move in in a month.” 

“Oh, wow. That soon?” Not even half the summer.

“Yeah.” 

“Well that’s- I’m really happy for you, Martin.”  

Petunia may have been a horrible, wretched, immoral hag, but the least she could do was be a supportive friend. After all, their quest of getting the hell out of this town was their first shared dream.

Even if she wasn't happy about Marty leaving, not even in the slightest, she could still be happy for him. Couldn't she?

“Convincing.” 

“I mean it, I- it’s not like I don’t understand why you’re going. I just, I’m really going to miss you.” 

“Yeah, yeah me too. I meant what I said. You can visit, anytime. Besides, I heard there are some great Unis in London.” 

“Right.” 

But that was two years away. Two whole years that Petunia would have to survive all on her own.

“Or who knows, maybe my cousin will kick me out after a week and I’ll come crawling back here with my tail between my legs.” 

“I should hope not.” 

As spiteful a creature as she was, Petunia didn't really want Marty to fail in London. It would certainly make it easier for her her to follow if he managed to make something of a good life down there.

Tucked into her book bag is an old textbook from Lily's first year at Hogwarts. She pulled it from her pack and flipped to the small segment on great magical beasts.

“... Well, If we only have a month, I suppose this means we better start planning your dragon hunt.”