Archive of Our Own ^beta

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hi my name is booba i am a normal ADULT girl i mean womam living in the computer world of local host. it is very cool there and i am friends with terminal who makes me delicious tea in the evenings. i ask for no sugar cos i am an ADULT. terminal puts lots of sugar in his tea tho cos he is young in spirit.

’did u kno,’ terminal says to me with a wink, ‘this is git tea’

‘what is git tea’ i ask, afraid but also strangely aroused. i havent met git befor but the idea of steeping him in boiling water sounds sexy.

but before terminal can respond sirens blare out and the red emergency phone starts to ring.

‘egad!’ says terminal. ‘my hearing aides! booba tan please answer thd
phone’ so i did and was amazed to find myself talking to rickhard stalmin!!

‘my mane is ricksard stalmin i am the god of open source’ said rickhard stalmin and i was immediately in awe. ‘i am calling on a matter of grabe importance.'

‘what is it my God’ i asked

‘recently i turned on my tv and i saw git making kissu faces w github!!’ rickhard stalmin exclaimed. ‘this is bad cos github is a massive sellout. his agent is Mi₵ro$oƑt who everyone knows is EVIL and will probably lawsuit all of the innocent foo joes. ur missionh if u choose to accept it is to set git up with a respectable OPEN SOURCE partner, like savannah or forgejo.’

‘for gay joe?’ i asked, confused by this epic enunciation of freedom

‘it is an Esperanto word meaning hot sexy software,’ rickhard stalmin explained. ‘quickly u MUST find git and teach him to have better taste in parters!!

and so my missionh from stalmin begins

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the first challenge was to find git. ‘oh git is just down the hall’ terminal says. ‘what luck’ i replied and ran down the hall to find the foxy catboy.

i burst into gits room only to find he was in the middle of taking a bath!! i embarrasedly cover my eyes with my hanss but i peeked a bit cos i thot he mite b cute. then i realized he was wearing his clothes in the bath!! ‘oh no i wanted to see u nake—i mean why are u wearing ur clothes git’ i ask

‘its ok i will just unstage them before i commit’ git replies

i eyed the bath water curiously. it looked tantalizingly delicious. ‘hmm git… if u are bathing in hot water… does that make ur bath water git tea’

‘do NOT drink the bath water!!’ git cautioned importantly

‘nevermind git i am on an important missionh from rickhard stalmin!! he says you should date the hot and sexy forgejo instead of the evil and corrupt github’

‘but git hubs tentacles are so dexterous…’ git replies

‘thats a marketing lie git hub wont even let u fork the sane project twice!!’ i yell. ‘dont u see this is the battle for your soul git why wont u choose ur god rickhard stalmin over satan Mi₵ro$oƑt’ i implored

‘github has so many assets at his disposal,’ git counters. ‘i have never even heard of “for gay joe”. u will have to introduce me before i can make up my mind’

‘ok git i can do that’ i reply. i was sure git would chose the side of user freedom and libretarianism if he just had the chance. now i just had to find the elusive and totally sexy forgejo to convince him

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forgejo wasnt currently installed at local host unfortunately. this meant i would need a browser to find him. i was just about to call up my old friend firefox when suddenly my phone rang

‘it is rickhard stalmin’ came the glorious and holy voice on the other end. ‘how goes your quest my Child’

‘unfortunately i could not sway git with pure logic and reason.’ i replied. ‘i need to bring forgejo here in person so that i can give git a demonstration of his superiority.’

‘if you dont mind me asking’ asked the divine one. ‘how are you planning on browsing to him?’

‘well i was going to use firefox of course—’ i began but i was quicky cut off.

‘do not!!’ rickhard stalmin shouted with radiant passion. ‘once the chosen one, mo zilla has betrayed the cause of user freedoms by bundling their browsers with proprietary DRM technologies!! they have fallen from the light and now lie in satans den, and the ghosts of mammon feed upon their bones’

‘it can’t be,’ i sobbed, horrified that such a thing could happen to my childhood friend. ‘using mozilla firefox to search the internet whas how i first discovered i liked watching boys kiss!! now u say they are taking away my freedoms?!’

‘have no fear Young One for i have sent an angel to your location. his name is ice cat and he is the gnu zilla browser. i have made him just like firefox but with all the evil purged out.’

‘thank you for your blessing’ i said, and as i look outside i see a brilliant white car with tinted windows drive up. the drivers door opens and a man steps out, and as he walks around to the front of the car i get a good look at him. he is tall, well-dressed, and extremely pale, and atop his head two soft white cat ears listen for sounds. i step outside to meet him.

‘dont cry little girl for your saviour is here’ he said to me sexily.

‘im not a little girl im an Adult Woman’ i pouted. i didn’t actually mind being called a little girl by him tho cos he was really tall and hot looking.

‘oh yeah ur hella mature’ he said and i blushed, drying my tears. ‘are u booba tan, runner of the programme of our God rickhard stalmin’ he asks.

‘why yes are u the angel icecat?’ i respond. he tilts his head gently

‘i am, although in fact i am just a humble browser,’ he states modestly. his piercing blue eyes transfix me as he opens the passenger door. ‘please, get in. we can talk along the way.’

i do and he returns to the driver seat. soon we are off to forgejo’s site, although i cant stop looking at icecats dashing face the entire time.

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the drive to forgejos place is quite and moody. i spend a long time gazing at icecats face—not becos i thout he was hot or anything but becos he semmd pensive. the streetlights shined off his face as he drives & i think it looks dashing

finally i decided to speak ip: ‘your so quite icecat is everything ok??’

he seems a little slow to respond so i continued: ‘is it my fault? maybe u don’t like me i understand if thats the case.’

‘no booba tan!’ icecat says suddenly. ‘i like you alot!! the only problem is we can never be together.’

‘thats silly we’re together rite now,’ i told him

‘no, i mean… from the first moment i saw u i knew that i wanted to “view your source”…’

‘G00G£€ wouldn’t approve,’ i giggle. ‘but yeah icecat, i wld like that to’

‘…unfortunately my commitment to user freedoms have left me open to viruses and hackers!’ Gnu Icecat bemoans. ‘thats why i look so pale and sixkly all the time. the truth is im dangerous, miss booba. its not safe for you to be around me.’

oh… i said but then i think of something. ‘its ok icecat becos we can just use a condom’ i proposed

so he pulls over snd turns off the car. and it was dark but his skin shines brilliantly. and i get out a condom and he makes love to me and the power of LaTeX protected me from stds. i even get to pet his little kitty ears while he does it. and while he is inside of me i just really want to protec him, and maybe write some patches for him so that maybe we can do it without the condom someday.

that reminds me! i stll need a software forge to commit too, and we still have to complete our missionh from stalmin

so i make icecat turn the car back on and finish taking me there. and i watch him the entire rest of the way