Chapter Text
Zuko stared at the cold iron door to his father's cell. His hands were glued to a tray of tea that was beginning to get cold. He still felt a hesitancy to speak with the man. After all, it had been two years since he last saw him. And two years since the 100 Year War had come to a close on the night of Sozin's Comet.
Just hours prior, he had to fight off the latest in a growing list of would-be assassins. He had scorched the man's face after planting it into the marble floor of the palace. He grimaced and took a deep breath. All it made him think of was his own scar, of his own growing resentment with the people at court. As much as he hated to even think of it, maybe Azula was right.
Those who hated him only seemed to quiet their rousings or halt their actions when they had fear of him. Try as he might, he couldn't seem to escape the shadow of his father.
And so here he was, about to have tea with a megalomaniac. The single person who had actual advice on how to rule this nation.
Zuko honestly felt like he missed his banishment right about now.
He opened the door and saw the figure he once feared beyond all others. The one who gave him an impossible task and gave him his scar. And, he sat down and laid the tray in front of him.
"I need to speak with you, father."
Behind a mass of matted black hair and a now full beard, his father raised an eyebrow. Cold gold eyes scrutinizing his every twitch.
"I've come to you for…" his words trailed off and he clenched his jaw. He leaned forward into a small bow. "I've come to you for advice."
He heard the former Firelord chuckle deeply with a hoarse voice. "You must be truly desperate to come to me of all people for advice, Firelord Zuko." His father rose to sit with his back straight. The poise of someone who had been only royalty their entire life clearly hadn't been lost in prison.
"I'm going to assume you've realized just how difficult it is to manage being Firelord." Zuko could only ignore the smug words and the smirk on his father's face. It made his skin crawl.
Try as he might, he couldn't seem to get his words out of his throat. To ask for help on how to do the one thing he was supposed to be doing right.
"Go on then, speak your mind. Or is it that this has nothing to do with what I thought?." Ozai smiled. "Is the search for Ursa not-" Zuko scowled and rose to his feet.
"Firstly, we're not going to speak about mother. Your information was utterly useless. All it did was lead to dead ends."
Ozai shrugged. "I told you the truth. She took her banishment and left Caldera. I kept eyes on her for a time, but the last I heard of her were rumors in the Colonies. I assumed you'd found her by now and left me in here."
Zuko gritted his teeth and exhaled fire. "I just told you we're not going to speak about it." He wrung his hands and decided to reheat the tea. "Besides, you and I both know that's a lie. I'm not stupid enough to think you don't get rumors from the outside, in here."
His father took a cup of tea and sipped lightly. "Well, perhaps you're not as dull as I thought."
Zuko sipped his own and he had to control himself. His father was just as much of a master at getting into his head as Azula was. Gee, I wonder where she learned that from? Zuko mused in his head.
"I'm not here to trade insults, either. I'm trying to be respectful." Ozai chuckled again, louder.
"Then you've learned even more. You know I'm too prideful to ever help you out of submission. So you appeal to my ego. Very good Zuko."
That small part of him that still craved the praise of his father was quickly squashed. Zuko met his father's eyes coolly. "I need your advice on how to rule the Fire Nation,"
Ozai poured himself another cup of tea. "Ah, so you've come here to affirm exactly what I told you before?" Ozai practically cackled.
"I told you, the throne comes with pressures that will change you. And that I would be waiting, son."
Zuko fiddled with his hands for a few silent moments. The stale air of the cell felt crushing. "Then you'll help me?"
Ozai took a sip and raised and eyebrow. "What makes you think I'd want to help you?"
"I don't have a reason to think it. You're right. I am desperate." Zuko admitted this begrudgingly. "You are the one person in the world who can give me real counsel on how to be the Firelord. No one in the court is interested in helping me without first getting whatever they want."
Zuko looked to the side and sighed. "There have been more attempts on my life than I've cared to count at this point. There are movements who want me gone. A-and, The Earth King refuses to listen to reason and the Northern Water Tribe is still out for blood! On top of all that, Aang is- the Avatar is still busy helping rebuild the Earth Kingdom." Zuko ran his hands through his hair. "And the Southern Water Tribe has been dragging their feet on working with me on trade and keeping the peace. Even with the word of my allies." Considering he had personally attacked them, he couldn't be too surprised. But the frustration was there nonetheless.
Zuko looked up to his father's stoic face. "I just don't know how to handle it all when there's a knife around every corner. How did you ever manage to sleep?"
Ozai sat still for a moment before setting his cup down. "And so you're here to have me help you rule. You, who stole this throne with the help of the Avatar?" His unreadable gaze bore down on Zuko. "I'm not here to help you and sip tea like your uncle. But I will give you the truth."
Zuko felt much of the tension in his muscles release. Even now, he couldn't help but be rigid in his father's presence. But even so, that was… not the answer he was expecting.
"Even if I were to escape, and take advantage of the chaos of your failure of a reign, I can no longer firebend." His father let out words laced with hatred and bitterness. "I have no guarantee were I to find my way back on my throne that the Avatar would not simply imprison me once more. So again, I'll tell you the truth. I have little to gain from lying other than the satisfaction of watching you fail."
Zuko pursed his lips. "But you know if I do, you'll have even less guarantee of staying alive and holding some image as a martyr."
Ozai grinned devilishly before continuing. "The truth is, you're weak, Zuko. Weak and unsure of yourself, as ever." Zuko shifted and frowned. "You've sat by and tried placating the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes with endless gifts and concessions, thinking, what? That they might decide to forgive and forget a century of failure and being crushed by our might?"
A short laugh was let out by Ozai. "You said it yourself, once. We deserve it."
Zuko snarled and slammed his hands to the bars of the cell. "Then what exactly should I do?" He shouted.
"Be the Firelord." Ozai said very simply.
Zuko wanted to facepalmed himself with a knife. Why did his family always make everything so difficult?
"How is it exactly, that you think I kept the greatest empire in the world's history on top of the world?" Ozai leaned forward and said venomously, "It is fear. Fear is how I kept them in line. Negotiations only work if people fear you. They're only willing to give up something, when they have something of greater value to lose. And your word only has weight when it is fueled by the fear of those hearing it."
Zuko clenched his jaw and sighed. "One hundred years of war got us to where we are now. If the people of the world are too afraid of us, they might see it as the perfect excuse to attack us."
"You just never listen, do you?" Ozai rolled his eyes in a way that reminded Zuko of his sister. "I told you. If you want to not be a fool, simply be the Firelord." Zuko groaned.
"This is not advice, but the truth. Do with it what you will." Ozai said, face back to being like stone. "The truth is that you are the Firelord. You are not the ruler of the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes. You are fire." Zuko kept a frown on his face, even as his father leaned forward to get closer to him.
"So, if you want to know what you should do. Accept this and rule!" Ozai spat, vainglory evident from his expression.
"If you wish to accept reality, accept that you must rule the people who are beneath you. As the blood you have demands it. Remind them of this truth. Remind people what happens when they defy the Firelord. That you are their absolute. Agni's chosen. Remind the other nations that we took what we desired for a century with impunity for a reason. Make. Them. Fear. You." Ozai's voice had risen to a fever pitch by the end of his speech and each syllable was punctuated with a jabbing of his finger at Zuko's chest.
Zuko closed his eyes. He just knew his father was going to say something like that. The trouble was, he didn't know what else to do. His mind recalled his conversation with Aang, of how he asked his friend to end his life should he turn into his father.
His father was seemingly the one making the most sense in his head and he didn't know what to do anymore.
After what felt like a while of silence and sipping tea, his father spoke again. "Do you remember when you were young? We used to take vacations to Ember Island every year."
"Yeah. I do." Zuko's mind painfully recalled the family portrait he burned on Ember Island. That feeling as though his family was actually whole. "What about them? What does that have to do with anything?" He said quietly as he watched the teacup now in his hands.
"Once, at the beach…" His father's face almost became… sad? Zuko swore he was seeing things.
"You couldn't have been more than three. We saw a hawk attacking a turtle-crab by the water." Ozai's fingers traced over the teacup, no doubt having cooled now.
"You ran as fast as your little legs would carry you, to rescue that turtle-crab." Zuko saw his father's lips curl into a tiny smile. "Even then, you possessed an odd affinity for the weak."
Zuko sipped his tea quietly and listened to the story. It almost felt like they were family.
"But then, when you had the turtle-crab safely in your arms, the hawk looked at you with hungry eyes and you realized you were condemning it to starve."
Ozai gulped down the last of his tea and sighed. "You didn't know whether to side with the hawk or the turtle-crab. And before you could reach a decision, a great wave washed over you and swept you into the ocean."
For a few moments Zuko fiddled with his thumbs as his father paused before hearing, "I dove in myself to save you and you spent the rest of the day in your mother's arms vomiting up sea water."
The feeling of home felt so close, yet so far away in the small cell. "You almost sound like uncle. Telling stories and being vague." And just like that, the feeling was gone.
Ozai's eyes flashed angrily and Zuko could only withdraw. "Anyways, that's a nice story and all, but what's the point?"
Ozai sat straight once more and said nothing.
Zuko frowned and racked his brain for the point of the story. The hawk or the turtle-crab? Which one should he have saved? Or rather, which one would he save now before the waves come to swallow him whole?
Standing up, he kicked the dust off his shoes and cracked his neck. His father had a point. Be the Firelord. Perhaps it was what he needed to hear. Or perhaps it was just those same manipulative words worming their way inside his head like they had before.
Regardless, he knew he could never allow himself to turn into him. And if he somehow did, he hoped Aang would live up to his end of their promise.
As he went to leave the cell, he quietly said, "I hope you enjoyed the tea."
"Do what you will, Firelord." His father's voice echoed after him. "And bring more tea."
It was a clear expectation he would be back to ask for help again
Zuko hoped he wouldn't.
It was a struggle, being at the head of his court. Especially having a meeting near nightfall since he had kept himself busy with his father earlier and trying to find Mai. He didn't know where she had disappeared to in the palace but he knew he could only keep his duties at bay for so long. The long table with the map of the world had been updated with trade routes and borders for the Fire Nation that were drawn up after the war's end.
The idea of sitting behind a wall of fire was not one he was particularly comfortable with. Instead, he sat at the head of this table with the rest of those in his court. It was an effort in humility, to try and relate himself to the people he needed on his side. It seemed like it had lust any luster it had when he first sat down with the men.
Sung, the Minister of Treasury, droned on about taxes and naturally ended up clashing with his Minister of Trade, Yi. The two argued about how best to stimulate the Fire Nation's plummeting economy.
All of it gave Zuko a pulsing headache. He wasn't exactly an economic genius, far Agni's sake.
"We all know there is critical work to be done in these fields, but I think you two are ignoring crucial information." A gruff and stern voice echoed out in the throne room.
Zuko detached his hand from his forehead and looked across to General Shinu. It brought a small smirk to his lips remembering the time he broke into Pouhai Stronghold to free Aang. The man probably was thankful Zhao was the one blamed for the blunder.
For the first time today in this all too familiar setting, he spoke up. "What information are you referring to General Shinu?"
"You didn't bother to even share the information with the Firelord!?" General Shinu's gaze was immediately furious and directed to his royal guard.
Before the man could continue what would likely be a peace ending tirade, Zuko intervened and pressed. "What wasn't brought to my attention, general?"
Shinu's eyebrow twitched and he looked ready to blow as he laid it out for him. "There was nearly a rebellion in the colonial city of Jeido. People who want to join the Earth Kingdom and break away from our nation attempted to attack the governor's home."
Quickly the two ministers accused each other, and many at his court erupted into bickering about what they were to do. Zuko's eyes took on a dark look. "Quiet." He said sternly. The lot of them continued to argue.
Zuko tried raising his voice a bit to no avail. After a few more moments of mounting frustration, he stood up, raised fire from behind him into that all too familiar wall and furiously shouted, "QUIET!"
Suddenly everyone in the room was listening, he noticed bitterly.
"I was nearly killed last night by an assassin, and there was an attack in one of our cities." He felt his skin warm and his fingers digging into his fist. Why was it always like this?
"Not to mention that we still have not resolved the dispute with Yu Dao." Turning to two of his ministers he spat, "And all you two can do is bicker about finding a solution? What is wrong with you!?" Zuko wildly threw his arms out and his voice strained.
Some of the highest ranking people in his nation were seated before him. All of their eyes were on him. He wanted to tell them all how he felt. How much he couldn't stand them. But he knew all it would do is make them scheme against him.
This place was a pit of viper-bats.
He stood for a few more moments before sitting back down and making the fire wall behind him vanish. He spoke evenly, reigning in his temper. "General Shinu, meet me in my quarters and tell me more about this." The man nodded at him.
Zuko sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're all dismissed." He watched them bow and file out of the throne room. Yi and Sung sneered at each other and Zuko glowered.
As his guard was beginning to leave, Zuko clenched his jaw and called them back. "Not all of you. You of the guard are staying."
Zuko stalked up to the line of his royal guard. Their red and gold armor glinting off the low torchlight of the throne room as they all removed their helmets and held them to the side.
"Over the past two years, people have repeatedly gotten close to killing me. And I've tried again and again to improve the security here. But there is one thing I can't afford as of right now…" he trailed off as he reached the first one in line. His sash identified his rank. "You."
The Captain of the Guard, a man named Koji. An incredulous look split his features.
Zuko scowled. "Don't act surprised. Under your watch, I've had more people get within an inch of taking my life than any of the other captains I've replaced." Before the man could flap his lips to try and muster an excuse, Zuko gestured for the other guards to seize him.
"You're being demoted and removed from the palace guard. Good luck elsewhere, Koji." Zuko walked past the guards and into the grand halls of his palace as he ignored the man's desperate words about how his father will be furious while being carried away.
Join the club, Zuko mused to himself. All he seemed to know how to do was make people angry, these days. Well, he figured all they did was make him furious too. So it was fair game, then.
He made his way through the palace's vast rooms and hallways. He glanced at the portraits of the Firelords. Of his father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and so on.
He hadn't been interested in having one made of himself.
Zuko arrived at his room in a short time, General Shinu waiting outside the door. The man was military, through and through. He knew the general would wait for him to feel decent enough to call him inside.
Making his way into his room, he felt so tired. It still felt odd to sleep where his father once did. He had redecorated of course, with Mai's help, but it was still odd. The bed felt like it was meant for five people, not one.
He sat himself down on the edge of the bed and rested his head on his hand.
"Come in, general." The squat, sideburned man stepped inside. His wrinkled forehead kept in a stern expression, even as he bowed.
"Your majesty. As I mentioned, there has been conflict in the city of Jeido. People wishing to join the Earth Kingdom have been inciting this conflict for months through rallies and fights. They wish to break away. I assumed you were aware" The general said that last part somewhat awkwardly.
Zuko wished he had been kept in the loop. "What of the governor and his family? You mentioned they tried to attack their home" He asked, fearing the worst.
"The governor and his family are thankfully safe, but the rebels did a lot of damage." General Shinu clasped his hands behind his back as he spoke. "They reached their house outside the city and attempted to kill them."
Zuko sat up and tried not to fidget nervously. "Then what happened? What stopped it?"
"The governor's son, your majesty. He and several others managed to defeat them. The bad news is that this has seemed to embolden those who are championing the Harmony Restoration Movement in Yu Dao."
Zuko sighed explosively and began to pace. The pressure to just have his people pack up and be sent home was only getting more intense. And, it was an increasingly insane idea.
"Then what in Agni's name should we do?" He asked, frustrated.
The general was at a loss for a few moments before answering. "Perhaps you should intervene, your majesty. Go to the Colonies."
Whirling around to face the man, Zuko looked at him like he was insane. "And do what? Leave the capital? What kind of insanity would happen in Caldera if I left for a few days? Oh wait, I already know what would happen! I went to Yu Dao last year and spoke with the Mayor, whose daughter tried to kill me. And apparently my talks with Aang, the Avatar, haven't solved the problem at all. The Earth King still wants the Colonies to be packed up and sent back to the Mainland." Zuko heaved his angry breaths before pinching his nose. "Let's not even think about the weeks it would take to oversee colonial affairs in person."
"Your majesty, permission to speak freely?" Zuko would've laughed had he not felt like he was a few words away from tearing his hair out. The General who once led the Yu Yan Archers took his own anger in stride, likely being experienced in emotional outbursts from superiors. He nodded. "With all due respect, it is clear that those at court do not care about the very real threat of war. They are content to watch our people become the punching bag of the world as long as they get their way. We won the war and ended it, but they don't see it that way. They think us weak." Zuko could tell the General didn't entirely disagree with that sentiment, but the man was disciplined and not a snake, at least. "You already had to go once to the Colonies around this time last year, so it's not unprecedented. Besides, it's high past the time that we project a little strength. Show some muscle."
Zuko bit his lip and breathed in and out. He knew the man was right, but he couldn't think straight today. "I need some time to think, general. Thank you for your information and advice. You are dismissed." With a deep bow, the general left his room.
With his head in his hands, he weighed the options.
If he stayed in the Capital, the colonial situation would worsen. Rebellions, resentment, maybe even war if it had enough time. But if he left, all his enemies here would no doubt scheme more in his absence. Finding ways to benefit themselves and to undermine him. Coming back home would be nothing short of delving into the fire.
Rebellion across the sea? Or more assassination attempts and silver tongues?
He knew he couldn't just wait or else the ocean would swallow him up.
His eyes drifted upward and he stared at the portrait of him and Mai he had on the dresser. He was so full of vigor and life when he first took the throne.
Undressing and getting into more comfortable clothes, Zuko could feel how cold he was. Looking at himself in the mirror, he noticed just how gaunt his cheeks had become. He was sure his ribs were showing. It reminded him of nearly starving to death in the Earth Kingdom during Spring, that year chasing down Aang. He shook his head and laid down. He'd eat later.
He tried to fall asleep for hours, still waiting on Mai. He was hoping to see her after how his day had gone.
He waited, and waited, until she finally arrived. Her pale smooth face glinted in the moonlight. Tawny eyes glancing at him beneath her perfectly styled black hair.
"Where have you been?" Mai didn't respond as she sat by the edge of the bed, notably not dressing down.
"I could ask you the same thing." She said while looking away.
Zuko closed his eyes and struggled to explain. "Mai, I… I don't k-"
"And now you're going to try and lie to me?" Her monotone voice took an almost lethal edge. "Really, Zuko? I thought you would've learned by now."
Zuko rose up and was cut off before he could begin. "I know you went and visited your father." He froze.
Finally, Mai looked him in the eyes. "What? Surprised?"
"Who told you that? Where did you find that out?" Mai scoffed and shook her head.
"What does it matter? You didn't bother to talk to me about it."
The moonlight reflected off of his headpiece and put her in the light fully. He looked away. Away to the golden symbol of fire denoting his royalty that was shining brilliantly.
"Is that all you can think about right now?" Her voice was incredulous.
Zuko's voice was spiteful. "I'm sorry I can't consult you on every little matter when you disappear and don't talk to me about it." He sat up and leveled with her. "And is it all I can think about? Really? Of course it's all I can think about! It consumes my every waking thought! What else is there to think about!? Maybe we should hire a circus and call Ty Lee home! Is that what you want?" The regret at exploding was immediate as he watched her face become blank.
"Mai, I…" He reached for her, but she scooted away. "I'm sorry. I know that I keep screwing up. But I love you. I really do and I hope you can forg-"
"I know." The words were flat. Like she was hiding other feelings underneath. "I love you too. But lately I've realized you love your secrets more. That you love that more." She said while pointing at the Firelord's headpiece. "Maybe you'll have an easier time keeping them when you're alone."
"What are you telling me?" Zuko said with a choked voice, his heart pounding. A pit formed in his stomach. The nauseating feeling far worse than it was hours ago.
"Goodbye Firelord." Mai said before standing up and bowing curtly.
Zuko stayed frozen as she walked out of their bedroom. Eventually, he chased out after her.
"Mai! Come back! I-I…" The words were desperate and he fought back any potential tears. His eyes, both normal and scarred, fixed on her figure walking away from him. His hand was outreached like he could drag her back. "I order you to come back!" His voice boomed at her.
She kept walking away. The palace servants watched on in confusion and worry. Some of the guards looked at him as if questioning him on orders.
His head swam. He couldn't figure it out. Why would she-
Zuko slapped himself. "Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!" He yelled at himself before desperately trying to run after her again.
He forgot their anniversary. He had promised to sit down for dinner with her. To finally iron out their wedding ideas. But instead he had kept himself up all night and left in the morning to see his father after nearly being killed; again.
Mai turned a corner and he pushed himself further. She was out of his sight when he got to where she had been.
He turned corner after corner in the palace halls. Eventually, his endurance gave out as his sweat slicked feet brought him to a halt after what felt like ages running.
She had snuck off, somehow. Gotten away from him. Left him.
He stalked like a zombie back to his room.
She wasn't inside. He hoped it would all be a dream, but he knew better. It was very very real.
The portrait of himself and Mai was obscured in the darkness now. But the crown shone brilliantly on him as he laid in the covers, sleepless. Alone.
Be the firelord.
Fine. If that was what the universe was telling him, he got the message. There wasn't a point in resisting.
He would leave first thing the next morning for the colonies.