Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

”I don’t know what you did to piss off Morgenstern,” Jace grumbles and kicks a rock. “But don’t do it again. I hate coming out here at night.”

“You just don’t like that you won’t get to have much sleep tonight.” Alec looks around at the strangely noisy village. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jace scoffs. “Don’t give me that ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ garbage. You and I both know that Colonel Morgenstern has got it out for you. He’s been glaring at you the last few days and even made you clean the toilets. It’s been a couple years since I had to clean a toilet. The new guys get the pleasure of that.”

Alec shrugs and watches a little kid run across the street ahead of them. Their squad walks behind them, grumbling almost as loudly as Jace. They were all going to be feeling this in the morning when they were woken up at the ass-crack of dawn. It wasn’t uncommon that they got only a few hours of sleep. Sometimes they were allowed to sleep in the villages but Morgenstern wanted them to come back to base.

God, that was going to take forever.

“So, whatcha do?”

“Nothing.”

“Mhm. Sure.”

More than a few of the civilian’s stare at them as they pass. That wasn’t uncommon. It also wasn’t uncommon for the civilians to ignore them either, nor for some to approach and offer gifts of food and water. Alec and Jace had been wary when they joined up in the army five years ago, fresh out of high school. They’d been deployed together and they’d been worried some of the food or water was poisoned. Now it felt like second nature to accept whatever was on offer.

Just a few weeks ago one kind, old woman had hobbled over to them and offered Alec some chocolate coins to share with his friends on base. He’d wound up giving them away since the Lightwoods were notorious for sending lavish care packages stuffed to the literal brim. Alec had nearly cried when he got his first box and opened it to find a mini mountain of chips, cookies, and gummy candy. Their whole squad longed for the days Maryse Lightwood’s packages would arrive.

The generosity of the civilians wasn’t limited to food and water though. It gets hot as fuck in Afghanistan during the summer and the snow is horrible in the winter. It wasn’t uncommon for a civilian to offer comfort in their home for a soldier who was suffering from heatstroke or from the cold. Some of the kindest people he’d met were here. Of course, the opposite could be said as well.

One of the cruelest wasn’t even one of their enemies. No, the cruelest to Alec was Colonel Valentine Morgenstern.

Alec hadn’t met Colonel Morgenstern until this deployment. Everyone had said the Colonel was a hardass but always got his job done. Fuck around, and he would be on your ass faster than the worst drill sergeant you ever had. He wouldn’t kiss your ass if you did your job right but he always acknowledged when you succeeded.

Morgenstern had barely glanced at Alec at the beginning. Alec needed a commander recommendation to get promoted to sergeant and he knew getting one from Morgenstern would tremendously help his career. Jace thought the whole thing was silly, as they both rank Corporal now and that was what their father demanded of them.

Their father… Robert had insisted on both of his older sons to enter the army after they graduated high school. He was a military man himself as a Captain and wanted his sons to learn the discipline that came with being in the military. They were allowed to choose which branch they joined but they had to stay in for five years and reach Corporal rank, or the equivalent. If they did, they could leave and he’d pay for whatever they wanted to study in college. He hoped they’d stay.

Jace hated the military. He hated the rules, the shouting, the running, and everything else that came along with it. He especially hated the heat of the dessert, which is where most of their deployments have made them wind up. The only thing that kept him sane was that Robert pulled strings to get the two of them deployed together each time.

Alec was different. The rules didn’t bother him and he’d learned to tone out the drill sergeant even when spit was flying in his face. There was order in the military and discipline, like Robert had said, and Alec actually liked that. Some of the people were dicks but for the most part, they were young kids that joined up to protect their families and country. Most of them wouldn’t actually see combat. Alec had only killed six people in the last five years, and honestly, he wasn’t even sure if one of the six had actually died considering he’d ran for the fucking hills after the shot was let off.

It was going to suck staying in the military after Jace left. That was why Alec was fighting so hard for a sergeant position. If this was going to be his career, he wanted to rise high in the ranks, just like his father did. That meant getting a good recommendation. Which meant, not kissing ass really, but showing Morgenstern that he was good at his job. For the last few months, this has proven to be… difficult. Morgenstern barely glances at people when they come in office.

Something changed last month and Morgenstern started actually listening when Alec talked to him, even making direct eye contact. Alec’s embarrassed to admit that he acted like a little puppy dog after that, jumping and running at whatever command the other man gave him. That changed a few days back.

Alcohol was generally not supposed to happen on base but some commanding officers were more lenient than others about it. Morgenstern didn’t care as long as the soldiers didn’t act like fools and were up and at it in the morning. Jace had somehow got his hands on a bottle of whiskey and he and the rest of their squad got a little bit too drunk. Even their sergeant partook in the drinking. Alec was probably the most sober of them all, but he’d still been stumbling a little when Morgenstern called him to his office.

Morgenstern had locked the door, which wasn’t completely unusual, but he’d also closed the blinds. None of that bothered Alec until the other man came up behind him and grabbed his ass. Alec had been bent over the desk with a hand down the back of his pants before he came to his senses and brought his foot down onto Morgenstern’s and managed to free himself. Ever since, Morgenstern glared at him every chance he got and gave him all the terrible jobs. He could kiss that recommendation goodbye, and all because he wouldn’t let his boss cop a feel.

“Alright, guys,” Their sergeant, Jacob, says, as soon as they reach the end of the village. He yawns. “I think it’s time to head in.”

Some of the others groan and one even mutters, “Thank god,” but those noises are soon drowned out by gunfire. Some of the civilians start screaming and run to hide inside. Alec throws himself off the road and against a wall. A flash grenade goes off and a ringing starts up in Alec’s ear. He deafly starts moving forward and pulls his night vision goggles down over his eyes. Over the ringing, he can hear Jacob shouting into his radio for backup.

Alec looks around for Jace but doesn’t see him. He starts to panic and lifts his riffle. Out in the hills, he can see a figure hunched over and he takes aim. Three more die just as swiftly as that one, but there seems to be no end to them. Alec and Jacob duck behind another building and Alec shouts at him, “Where’s Jace?”

“I don’t know.” Jacob shakes his radio as if that’ll make help arrive faster. “He went running in the opposite direction. They were waiting for us to get to the end of town.”

A child darts past Alec and he grabs her before another blast of gunfire hits the street not five feet from him. She screams but he holds onto her tighter as he and Jacob rush to hide behind another building. They were seriously outmanned. The child squirms.

“Let her go.” Jacob says reluctantly. “We can’t take her with us and her family’s probably here.”

“Her family might be shooting at us.” Alec lets her go and he watches her rush away, wanting to go after her. “I need to find Jace.”

“We just need to hold our position until help arrives.” Jacob lifts his riffle. “Got my back?”

Alec lifts his and follows Jacob. “Yes, sir!”

It doesn’t take long, though it feels like a lifetime, for reinforcements to arrive from the base. The village is checked from top to bottom and they even risk going out into the hills to look for Jace.

Jace isn’t found, dead or alive. The military pile up the bodies of the dead, among them is the girl that Alec had tried to save, and they leave. Alec would never forgive himself for failing to protect his brother…

Or the girl.

Chapter Text

Magnus leans back in his chair and looks around his office. Well, office might not be the most accurate word. The room is seven by seven, and barely fits his desk, his chair, a chair across from his, and himself. There’s a closet too and instead of just keeping his coat there, he leaves his work bag too because it just won’t fit anywhere else in the room. He hadn’t bothered asking for a nicer office because he was lucky to get a private room by himself.

When he had to see a patient, he sometimes preferred taking them downstairs to where he holds the group meetings. It was bigger, there was a coffee machine and snack machines, and he didn’t run the risk of forcing his patient’s knees into his desk or their back into the wall. That was especially problematic when one of his patients didn’t have a knee and their prosthetic was pressed against it.

He'd never been able to fit a wheelchair in here.

How old was he when he decided to become a therapist for the VA? Magnus had always wanted to go into the medical field. The human mind had always fascinated him, and even when he was young, he’d known how people ticked. His father was a military man through and through. He’d wanted Magnus to join up but he resisted. One day, Magnus’s father was performing a routine inspection while on duty. It wasn’t a big deal. The base wasn’t in the most dangerous part of the country he was in. He’d done it hundreds of times over the course of his military career.

It was all normal until a bullet went through his knee and shattered the kneecap. He lost the leg.

At first, Asmodeus Bane insisted on Magnus signing up anyway. This was a rare thing, he said. It would be perfectly fine if Magnus joined, he said. The military never appealed to him though. He wasn’t fond of being yelled at. The rules were rigid and if he fought back, well, he might literally get his ass handed to him because he knew fuck all about fighting. He told his father maybe just to get him off his back.

Things took a turn when they discovered, due to the stump, that Asmodeus wouldn’t be able to wear a prosthetic. He’d been okay at first in his wheelchair, but soon he grew quiet and withdrawn. Their insurance wouldn’t cover everything and they quickly racked debt up into the millions. Asmodeus was on the list for a therapist but was told it might take months at the VA due to a shortage. They couldn’t afford a therapist of their own.

Hell, they could barely afford toilet paper. Magnus’s mother had long ago divorced Asmodeus and was no help. She offered to let Magnus live with her but he felt wrong leaving his father. Everything went to shit when Magnus got a phone call from his sobbing mother at school, telling him he needed to come to her house. Apparently Asmodeus had had a doctor’s appointment that morning and found out there was an infection in the leg from shrapnel they couldn’t dig out. They were going to have to cut off more of his leg, but hey! He might get to wear a prosthetic after.

Asmodeus came home, loaded his pistol, stuck it in his mouth, and blew his brains out. Magnus was seventeen.

Magnus moved in with his mom then. Life insurance refused to pay out because it was death by suicide. The house was foreclosed on and Magnus lost the only home he knew his entire life. There was only three more months of school and everyone gave him a wide breadth. It was like they thought suicide was contagious. Even his friends dropped him. His girlfriend broke up with him and said he was too mopey now when he used to be fun.

They had no other family, so Magnus’s mother was the only one that showed up for his high school graduation and then his college graduation. He’d invited some people in college that he’d gotten along with for his graduation party but only one showed up, and he left early. That night, he ate chocolate cake with his mother and two of her best friends.

Now, Magnus is a therapist. He knew he was never cut out for military life, but he could help the military in another way. He could help people like his father who waited for help but never got it in time. It wasn’t easy work. There were days that he considered going home and doing what his father did.

Soldiers sometimes return with darker demons than most people face in a lifetime. Magnus has seen many of those demons. They came through his office with all kinds of injuries. Stepped on a mine and lost a foot. Leg. Arm. Arm and leg. One man had lost all four limbs and still somehow found the ability to smile when he greeted Magnus or one of the other therapists. Bullet wounds. Knife scars.

That was just the physical side. The mental demons were worse. It wasn’t uncommon for rape victims to come through that door. Sometimes it was their own men, brothers in arms, but other times it was enemy soldiers. Others needed help because they couldn’t stomach how many people they killed. Training had been one thing. Actually killing people had been another. Still, there were some who were proud of the people they killed, saying they’d do it all over again if they could just get better and go back.

All types came through that door and he saved as many as he could. Magnus knew he could never save all of them. Many would never find the bravery to come through the door. Many would fall through the cracks as his father did. He would save as many as he could.

Someone knocks on the door and Magnus clears his throat before he says, “Come in.”

The door opens and Catarina steps inside. She’s holding a folder and waves it in his direction. “Got a new patient for you.”

“Great!” He holds out his hand. “Gimme.”

Catarina frowns at him. “You are far too excited for this. Maybe I should take the patient myself. He’ll be in better hands with someone who is actually mature.”

Magnus swipes the folder from her hands. “One of my patients moved to Arkansas to go be with family last week. Another patient quit therapy on Monday. I’d like to fill my schedule back up.”

“No risk of going without a patient here.” Catarina sits in the chair and immediately stands back up. “There was a spring poking me in the ass!”

Ugh. Magnus shrugs. “Take it up with John. I asked him for a new chair and he said I’d have to put in a request for it. I haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

“You make your patients sit on a piece of metal that is almost literally piercing their asscheeks?”

Magnus grins. “Nope. I take them down to the basement to one of the bigger therapy rooms. The one with the coffee machine.”

Catarina rolls her eyes and nods at the folder. “Twenty-four year old man. Army. Corporal. He was on a fast track to becoming a sergeant.”

“Hm,” Magnus opens the folder and looks at the name at the top of the first page. Alexander Lightwood. “Was he injured in the line of duty?”

“No,” Catarina hesitates and sighs. “His father is a career military man. He insisted both of his boys join up and if they didn’t like it after a few years, he’d let them go to college and he’d pay. They were on their last tour when they were attacked in the hills in Afghanistan. Alexander survived and was uninjured aside from scrapes and bruises. His brother, Jace, was never found dead or alive. There have been no demands for his safe return and no video of him online as far as we know of yet. He’s presumed dead but will never be identified as dead until his body is recovered.”

If the body is recovered. Magnus skims down the rest of the document in front of him. “The attack happened in late August. It’s December now. I’m surprised we could get him in so fast. We’re so busy right now.”

“His father pulled strings.” Catarina shrugs. “He’s a captain in the same branch. I guess they tried a therapist that’s not part of the VA and it didn’t help. The father, Robert, said that Alexander may have shouted at his regular therapist when the therapist asked him how he felt about Jace possibly being dead.”

Magnus makes a face. “It’s not a wrong thing to ask under certain circumstances, but this says Alexander was with Jace when he went missing. There’s definitely a chance of survivor’s guilt. He might think he didn’t look far enough or didn’t try… something, hard enough. He shouted at the therapist?”

“Yeah, and the therapist refused to see him again. He said he didn’t feel safe around Alexander and recommended him come to the VA. We’re better equipped to handle that situation. John told me to bring you the file first since you’ve just lost two of your patients.”

“Good. Thanks, Cat.” Magnus scans the document again. “I hope we can help him feel better. Whatever happened over there wasn’t his fault.”

“I hope so too.”

Chapter Text

Jacob taps Alec on the shoulder. “Colonel Morgenstern wants to see you.”

The entire squad falls silent and Alec doesn’t miss that no one except Jacob is looking at him. Very few people had even spoken to him over the last week since Jace went missing and their squad was attacked in the village. They’d gone out looking for Jace but couldn’t find him. Jace was their brother just as much as he was Alec’s. They all were close, and more than one of them was always delighted when “Momma Maryse” sent a goody box. This was a little family, even the newbies.

And Alec was leaving the family. He knew it. They all knew it, based on them not being able to look at him. There’s even a hint of sadness in Jacob’s eyes. There were only two reasons Morgenstern would be calling Alec to his office. Morgenstern was either giving Alec the promotion Alec requested… or he was sending him home.

Alec rises from his bunk and looks down. “You guys can have the rest of the snacks from the last package.”

Some of the guys murmur soft thanks but no one looks up at him as he walks out of the room with Jacob on his heels. He waits until the door closes behind them and they’ve walked a distance down the hall before he says, “Maybe he’ll let you stay. He’s the highest ranking officer here. You could keep helping us look for Jace.”

“Yeah, he outranks everyone here,” Alec mutters. “But he doesn’t outrank my father. Jace has been gone a week. My father’s probably screaming himself hoarse and pulling every string he can to get me home. He and mom have already lost one son. They don’t want to lose another.”

“Jace is alive. You know how smart he is.”

Alec stops walking and looks at Jacob. “Yeah, I know how smart he is. But I also know how headstrong and stubborn he is. That can easily lead the smartest person into the dumbest situation. He’s either dead or he’s a captive. If he’s alive, he’s going to open his mouth and say the dumbest, most sarcastic shit to the wrong person and get his head bashed in over it. And he’s gone because I got us in trouble. We were out there because I—”

Because I wouldn’t let Morgenstern fuck me.

Jacob narrows his eyes. “Because you what? The Colonel told me you disobeyed a command. A minor one, but still. That was why he was giving you shit jobs leading up to the ambush.”

It was an unspoken command, but it was a command. Alec nods tightly. “Yeah, I disobeyed a command,” He lies. “I was drunk off that whiskey Jace brought in and was in the bathroom with Nathan. Nathan puked just as Morgenstern walked in and Morgenstern told me to clean it up. I said no and may have mouthed off to him. I don’t remember exactly all I said but… Yeah, he was giving me shitty orders all the way up until the ambush.”

They continue walking and Jacob shakes his head. “I should have been the one ordered to clean the toilets and all that other shit. You all got drunk on my watch.”

“But I’m the one asking for a recommendation for promotion,” Alec shrugs. “I guess he’s trying to teach me that I can’t act like a fool if I want to be a sergeant.”

“I already act a fool and I’m a sergeant. I could have talked to him. You were being young and dumb. We all act that way at some point while on duty. It can be scary out here.”

Yeah, Alec had been dumb. He should have just let Morgenstern stick it up his ass and Jace would have never been out there. Alec would have never talked about it to anyone and he would have gotten over it… eventually. Jace wouldn’t be dead or being tortured to death right now if it weren’t for him not just giving in.

Alec had talked to the therapist on duty. The man had wanted to know if Alec was mentally sound to continue his tour of duty. Alec guessed by him being sent to the colonel that he was out of here tomorrow. They didn’t think he was mentally sound enough to stay here. He was a risk to the other men. What if they got into a firefight and he panicked or shot at one of his own men? PTSD was serious and they didn’t fuck around when a fucked up soldier might seriously fuck up a mission. Especially when that soldier was the son of such a high ranking officer.

When they get outside Morgenstern’s office, Jacob gives Alec another awkward pat on the shoulder. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

“No, thanks.” Alec shakes his head. “I’d rather do this alone.”

“I understand.” Jacob nods. “I’ll start getting your stuff packed up.”

Alec takes a deep breath and opens the door. A voice comes from the other end of the office. “Mr. Lightwood, shut the door.”

“Yes, sir.” Alec shuts the door. “What did you need from me?”

Morgenstern doesn’t raise his head from whatever paper he’s looking at on his desk. “Lock it.”

Alec’s immediately on edge but he does as he’s told, locking the door, before he steps over to the desk and puts his hands behind his back, straightening his spine. “What do you need me for, sir?”

“You’re going home.” Morgenstern leans back in his seat and finally lifts his eyes from the paper. Dark brown eyes meet his. “You’re shipping out in the morning to go back to the States.”

“What about the rest of my tour, sir?”

Morgenstern shrugs. “It’s as good as done. You won’t be shipping out again until you go under a mental health evaluation and are cleared. Knowing you failed to save your brother had to have taken quite the toll on you.”

“I—” Alec swallows past a lump in his throat. “I didn’t fail Jace. Anyone could have been taken. I could have been taken! It was a horrible ambush. We’re going to get him back anyways!”

“Are we?” Morgenstern rises from his desk and walks around it until he’s standing right in front of Alec. Alec resists the urge to jerk away. “You know the likelihood of us getting him back. He’s either dead somewhere in the sands or he’s been taken hostage. The next time you see him might be on a computer screen right before a man cuts off his head. The only thing you can do now is pray his death was or is quick. It’s been a week. We’ve scoured the area. He’s gone.”

“I don’t believe that!” Alec turns to walk away but Morgenstern grabs him and jerks him back. “Hey!”

Morgenstern’s grip on Alec’s arm tightens and his other hand grabs Alec’s chin. “He’s gone and he’s never coming back. If he does come back, he’ll be broken beyond repair.” He turns them and shoves Alec up against his desk. One of his knees slide in-between Alec’s legs. Alec squirms and tries to fight back but gasps when Morgenstern twists his arm in his grip. “Fucking stop it! I gave you the shit orders but you’re the one that took your eyes off your brother. You walked away from him. It’s your fault he’s gone.”

“It’s yours too!” Alec whimpers when Morgenstern’s thigh brushes against his cock. The older man’s hand leaves Alec’s face and slides around to his back, moving down towards his ass. “You only sent us to that village to teach me a lesson. You’re mad I didn’t let you—”

“Trust me, boy,” Morgenstern glowers at him. “You didn’t stop me from doing anything. I let you walk out of my office. You’re not even fighting back anymore. You’re right. It’s our fault Jace is gone.” Morgenstern leans forward and kisses Alec’s neck. He tenses up but doesn’t push him away. “We’re both to blame.” His lips move up Alec’s neck to his jaw, where he nips a line up to his ear. The older man pushes his hips forward against Alec’s. “I’ll make you feel better.”

“I-I-I—” Alec shivers when Morgenstern’s cold hand slides up the back of his shirt. “I don’t want you to do anything. I don’t want to feel better.”

Morgenstern’s lips kiss back down Alec’s jaw to his chin, before they surge up and against Alec’s mouth. Alec gasps and Morgenstern shoves his tongue in the younger man’s mouth. The kiss feels foreign and strange, and Alec doesn’t think he wants it.

Alec opens his eyes and stares up at the living room ceiling blankly. He hated the dreams he had of what happened between him and the colonel. The dreams about Jace were worse, but they left him with feelings of anger, fear, and sadness, whereas that dream filled him with anxiety, nausea and… arousal. He hated it. All of it. He hadn’t seen Morgenstern since the day after that night and good fucking riddance.

It wasn’t like it was rape or anything. Alec said yes, after a while. He did say no too but he eventually said yes. They both blamed themselves for what happened to Jace and got their rocks off together. It wasn’t right, especially considering how Alec wants to simultaneously puke and jack off at the same time at the thought of the memory, but it was what it was. They were both fucked in the head over what happened to Jace.

If only Alec had just given in before. It wasn’t so bad being under the man on that desk. He got hard. He got off. It was okay. Now Jace is probably dead because Alec didn’t put out the first time.

Footsteps come into the living room and Alec glances at the doorway to see Maryse standing there. Her face is pale and she’s lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t the only one. Everyone in the Lightwood family had been looking worse than they had before Alec’s last deployment.

Maryse clears her throat. “Your father is on his way home. Your benefits have gone through at the VA.”

Alec blinks. “Okay.”

“I…” Maryse sits down in the chair across from the couch. Alec doesn’t bother sitting up. “Well, your father and I think you should see a therapist. One of them has agreed to talk to you. His name is Doctor Bane.”

“Okay.” Alec looks back up at the ceiling. “Sounds good.”

“Would you like something to eat?”

“No,” Alec shakes his head. “Thank you.”

“I could order you something if you don’t want me to cook.”

“No. Thank you.”

“Can I do anything for you?” Maryse’s words sound wet, and Alec turns his face away so he doesn’t have to see her cry again. “Anything? Whatever you need.”

Can you bring Jace back, mom? Can you go back in time and make me not act like a simpering puppy for Morgenstern’s attention? Can you bring back my brother?

“No, thank you.”

Maryse stays in the room for a few more minutes, likely trying to think of something else Alec might want, before she sighs softly and she moves out of the room. Her footsteps die away and Alec looks back up at the ceiling again.

“Jace… where are you?” Alec whispers. “Where are you?”

Chapter Text

Magnus drops his pen on the folder in front of him, sighs, and looks down at his watch. Alexander Lightwood was officially fifteen minutes late for his therapy appointment. This was going swimmingly. It wasn’t entirely unusual for someone to be late. The parking lot was usually pretty full, the sidewalks were busy, and it could be hard to find the therapists’ individual offices in the building.

Something told Magnus that a full parking lot wasn’t what was making Alexander late for his appointment. It was more likely the other man wasn’t going to show up at all.

It fucking sucks.

Too many questions run through Magnus’s mind that he knows he shouldn’t ask but can’t help. Would Alexander find someone else to help him get through this? It was clear he needed to talk to someone after yelling at his last therapist so badly that the therapist no longer felt safe around him. That might have made Magnus pause at one point in his career but he’s had his share of soldiers being, unsurprisingly, pissed off about losing friends overseas, losing their body parts overseas, and coming home to see everything is different.

Magnus was used to yelling, crying, shouting, screaming, and yes, there is a difference between those four things, spitting, kicking, punching, growling, fighting, and everything in-between all of those things. His first few months on the job had been hard, and he’d strongly considered leaving within his first week. One of his first patients had swung up his prosthetic arm for a shake and he’d, in true deer-in-headlights glory, had stuttered and stared before he lifted his hand for a shake that was too hard for the situation. The patient had taken it well and had even laughed.

To be honest, Magnus thought that these returning soldiers were far stronger than anyone else he’d ever known. If only they all could get the help they needed. His father hadn’t. Asmodeus hadn’t gotten that help. If Alexander gave him a chance, he’d try as hard as he could to get him through this. That chance probably wasn’t going to be given to him.

Despite his being nearly positive that Alexander wouldn’t be coming today, or possibly ever, Magnus continues to sit at his desk, give occasional glances at his watch, and straighten his folders again and again. He finally leans back in his seat. “Fuck,” He looks at his watch again. Thirty more minutes in the session. “He’s definitely not coming. Maybe he’ll come next week.”

That happened sometimes. Trust was hard to come by and Magnus couldn’t gain trust without seeing his patient. Alexander didn’t trust him, and why should he? What had Magnus done up to this point to make Alexander trust him? Nothing. Alexander would have to jump off the deep end and trust. He wasn’t ready yet. He might never be ready.

A knock sounds on the door and Magnus’s head jerks up. “Come in!”

The door opens and a middle aged but still very fit, tall, black haired man steps into the room. “Dr. Bane?”

Magnus rises to his feet and holds out his hand. “How can I help you, Mister?”

“Captain Lightwood,” He takes Magnus’s hand and gives it a firm shake. He looks over his shoulder. “In here, Alexander.”

Magnus forces down a grin. He’d been so certain that Alexander wasn’t going to show up! A man who looks like Captain Lightwood’s double, only a little shorter, steps into the room with a scowl on his face. Magnus gulps and his desire to grin recedes. This was a… very unhappy man in front of him. Alexander glowers at his father before he looks at Magnus with, quite frankly, gorgeous blue eyes. Magnus stamps down on his libido before Alexander opens his mouth. “I told him that I don’t want a therapist.”

Robert Lightwood’s jaw visibly tightens and he looks between Alexander and Magnus. “You were raised better than this. Apologize to Dr. Bane and we can find someone you’d prefer to talk to.”

The look on Alexander’s face makes Magnus think the man would rather jump off the top of the building than apologize for being rude. Magnus fakes a smile. “No need to apologize. It’s a very nerve-wracking thing coming in here and talking about something traumatic. I understand if I’m not the right fit for you, Alexander. I could set you up in a group meeting or find a different therapist or even get you therapy appointments remotely. Whichever you want or whatever you need, it’s my job to help you.”

Alexander’s scowl doesn’t disappear. “I don’t want therapy at all.”

Robert opens his mouth and Magnus beats him to it. “That’s fine. Therapy isn’t for everyone and talking to someone might not be what makes you feel better. You’re in charge here.”

Alexander turns his scowl on his father and Magnus feels that smile coming back. Magnus continues, “We still have a little less than half an hour until the end of the session. Would you like to talk a little bit now or we could do it another time or we can end this completely. Up to you.”

The look on Robert’s face turns into a pleading one. A look Magnus doubts often appears on the man’s face. Alexander doesn’t miss it either and his scowl slowly disappears. He nods tightly. “Yeah, we can talk. No promises.”

“Fantastic!” Magnus nearly snorts at Robert’s over-the-top excitement. “I’ll leave you two alone!”

Before either of them can say anything, Robert walks out of the room and pulls the door closed. Magnus smiles and sits down. He waves his hand to the chair. “You can sit there or we can go down to one of the group rooms. That chair isn’t fun, and the group rooms have coffee, soda, and snack machines.”

Alexander doesn’t take his seat and Magnus doesn’t miss the man’s back is rigid. “Are you okay?”

“I want the door open.”

Magnus stares at him for a few beats before he gestures to the door. “That’s fine, go ahead and open it. The conversation might not be as private though, Alexander.”

“Alec,” Alexander says through gritted teeth before he opens the door all the way. He sits down in the horrible seat and doesn’t act like he even feels the metal piece. “My name is Alec.”

“My apologies, Alec.” Magnus feels his cheeks start to heat up. “Um, what would you like to talk about?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay,” Magnus opens the notebook on his desk. “Do you mind if I write things down? Are you sure you’re comfortable in that chair?”

Alec stares at a spot above and behind Magnus’s head. He doesn’t look at him when he asks the questions. “Go ahead. I’m fine.”

“Why are you here today? It doesn’t sound like you really want to be here.”

“I don’t.” Alec crosses his arms and Magnus clears his throat. The man really looked like a soldier boy right now. He really needed to get laid like right now. Horning in on a patient was the worst no-no he could think of. “My dad and mom think I need help.”

Magnus nods. “What do you think?”

Alec shrugs. “I don’t really care about anything as long as Jace is found.”

Hm, not good. Magnus just nods again and writes that down. “Would you mind telling me what happened on your mission overseas?”

“I’m sure you’ve already heard of it.”

“Yes,” Magnus says carefully. “But I’d like to hear it from your words. If you’re okay with that, that is.”

Alec exhales loudly. “I got my squad in trouble,” Magnus frowns. “And we were sent out on a routine scouting mission. Our sergeant had just told us it was time to wrap it up when we were fired upon. Jace wasn’t there when it was over.”

Magnus’s frown deepens and he looks down at his notebook. He had so many questions that he wanted to ask, but he knew this was a very delicate situation. “How did it feel when you heard the guns?”

“I did what I had to do.” Alec shrugs again. “I followed my commanding officer and we tried to protect our team.”

“What about the civilians? Were they fighting you or fighting back against them?”

Alec’s body tenses up but he doesn’t look at Magnus. “They were screaming and running. They didn’t fight for either side, at least what I could see. Some of them were killed by our men and some by the enemy.”

“That’s a shame,” Magnus lays down his pen. “How’d that feel?”

“I just wanted to get to Jace.”

Magnus stares at Alec for a few seconds. He was accustomed to liars. Alec was lying and Magnus wasn’t sure how to navigate this though. Sometimes he might call the person out on it but getting shouted at wasn’t ideal. Had the prior therapist called Alec out on the lie? Maybe he should just move on. “What did you mean by you got your squad in trouble?”

Alec suddenly rises from his seat and pulls his phone from his pocket. “The session is over.”

“Uh, okay,” Magnus stands too. He holds out his hand. “It was really nice to meet you. Is next week at three good for you?”

Alec slides his hand into Magnus’s and he squeezes it for a quarter of a second before he pulls away. “I don’t know. Maybe. Bye.”

Magnus frowns again as Alec opens the door and walks out without looking back at him. When he’s reasonably sure Alec is a good distance away, he leans back in his chair and whispers, “Fuck.”

On one level, Magnus felt proud of himself. Alec had blown up on the first therapist and while he was frosty during this visit, he didn’t explode in anger. That was already an improvement. On another level though, it was clear that they hadn’t really built up much trust, if any. The “easier” questions were answered frostily, but they were answered. Alec put the hammer down on the harder questions, which wasn’t unexpected but Magnus wasn’t sure how he was going to navigate the next session, if there was one. Should he push harder on the hard questions or should he leave it alone?

It didn’t help that Alec was fucking delicious. “Ugh,” Magnus groans. “He’s twenty-four. I’m thirty-three. That’s just gross. He’s my patient. Gross, gross, gross.”

The instant attraction aside, Magnus knew there was something really wrong with Alec, aside from Jace’s disappearance. Something else happened overseas concerning Colonel Morgenstern. Did the colonel push him around or something? Commanding officers could be assholes, but they did that to keep their soldiers safe.

Magnus hoped Alec would come back, but he wasn’t sure if that was going to happen.

Chapter Text

Morgenstern continues to kiss Alec. Kissing might not be the right word. He sucks, nips, bites, and seems like he’s trying to literally suck Alec’s soul out through his mouth like a human Dementor. Alec doesn’t kiss back. He just stands there, frozen, eyes open, as Morgenstern fucks his mouth with his lips and tongue. Each kiss is combined with hands groping his ass and thigh. His cock is hard and leaking against his boxers, made worse each time Morgenstern thrusts his hips against him.

A trail of spit slides down Alec’s chin when Morgenstern finally pulls away. “Say yes,” He sinks one of his hands into Alec’s hair and pulls it back, letting him kiss more of Alec’s neck. He sucks at the skin where Alec’s neck meets his shoulder. “Say yes.”

“No.” Alec knows how wrong this is. Even though his body is screaming yes, his brain is telling him no. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Morgenstern bites Alec neck and Alec closes his eyes at the instant rush of pain and pleasure the bite brings him. “Your body wants me. I’ll make everything better.”

“No.”

“Yes,” a hand comes between them and strokes Alec’s cock through his pants. Alec squirms beneath Morgenstern and thrusts his hips forward. “Just say yes.”

“I said…” Alec shakes his head when the word doesn’t come. “This is wrong.”

“Says who? No one’s ever going to find out anyways. Why not just lie back and enjoy it? It’ll make you feel better.”

Alec highly doubts that, but with each stroke of Morgenstern’s hand, he feels just the slightest bit better. A part of him wants to cling to that good feeling. Jace was missing and, as much as he didn’t want to believe it, was very likely dead. If he wasn’t dead yet, his mouth would probably get him killed. It was a wound that would always fester in Alec’s heart.

If he could forget about that pain for just a minute, even with someone as abhorrent as Morgenstern, then… fine. “Fine.”

The word is barely out of Alec’s mouth before he’s spun around and he grunts as his chest hits Morgenstern’s desk. He almost changes his mind, but the fleeting idea that he might actually forget about that gaping wound in his heart is too much for him to give up on. A hand presses against his back, pushing him down hard against the desk, while the other unbuttons his fatigues. His fatigues and boxers are jerked down to his knees and he closes his eyes, breathing hard as his cock presses against the side of the desk.

A bottle snicks open and Alec tenses up as fingers press against his hole. They move around in slow circles for a couple minutes before Morgenstern chuckles darkly. “Calm down. It’s going to hurt if you don’t ease up.”

Alec takes a deep breath and grips the desk tighter as he tries to calm himself. His heart still races but his body does relax, somewhat. “Good,” Morgenstern presses the tip of one of his fingers inside Alec and groans. “You’re tighter than I imagined you to be. How long has it been since you were fucked last?”

Alec grits his teeth. That was none of his fucking business. Morgenstern chuckles again and starts to pump his finger slowly. “I was just trying to make conversation. But if you’d rather I just shut up and fuck you…”

The finger inside of him pushes in all the way, forcing his body open. Alec groans and digs his nails into the wood of the desk. A second finger pushes inside of him before he’s ready for it and Morgenstern scissors them before they press, hard, against his prostate. Alec’s hips buck forward and precum starts leaking from the head of his cock. Morgenstern pushes a third finger inside and thrusts them inside a few times before he pulls them out.

Cloth rustles behind him and Alec’s eyes open when he hears a wrapper tear. He hadn’t even thought about condoms. At least Morgenstern was smarter than he was right now. The urge to say no fills him again. This was a supremely bad idea, not just because they were both just fucking away their grief over losing Jace, but because it was literally going to hurt like hell. Alec had never had sex with so little foreplay.

Maybe that was the alure of it. Alec failed Jace and felt like he deserved to be punished for it. His family would suffer forever because he did not keep his eye on his brother. He deserved to suffer even worse than they did for it. Alec closes his eyes again. Maybe this really would take away some of the grief. A smidge? Just a smidge was all he asked.

Hands grip Alec’s cheeks and spread them. He grits his teeth and presses his forehead against the desk. Don’t say no. Don’t say no.

“Alec?”

Alec blinks and looks up from his plate. Maryse is across from him, frowning. “I said your name four times and you didn’t answer me.”

“Uh,” Alec looks back down at his plate, which has barely been picked at. He’s not even holding his fork anymore. “Sorry.”

“I asked how therapy was today.”

Alec shrugs. “It was okay, I guess. We got there late and I left early.”

Maryse’s frown deepens. “Could you not find the room? Why did you leave early?”

“Just had trouble getting to the doctor’s office.” Yeah, more like Robert had to practically drag him there. “The questions got kind of intense so I wanted to leave.”

“Hm.”

Alec is not sure what that “Hm” means. It could mean anything coming from Maryse. Was she angry? Sad? Confused? Hungry? Certainly not hungry because she’s carefully and meticulously eating in a circle around her plate. A bite of steak that’s too done because Robert’s the one that usually cooks the steak for them. A bite of green beans. A bite of mashed potato. A bite of cornbread. And repeat.

Picking up his fork, Alec spears a single green bean and eats it. Chew, chew, chew. Everything is normal. The last thing he needed was for his mother to know that he’d been thinking about the supremely terrible decision he’d made having sex with his superior officer. It hadn’t helped that Dr. Bane had said exactly the one thing he shouldn’t have said during the therapy session.

“What did you mean by you got your squad in trouble?”

If Alec had just done what Morgenstern wanted, what he was at least semi-willing to do afterwards, then Jace would be fine. They wouldn’t have gone on a shitty nighttime mission and they’d be home right now. Jace would be getting a full ride to whatever college he wanted and Alec would be a sergeant. If only he hadn’t acted like a fucking prude and did what needed to be done. It wasn’t even that bad, painful, but not that bad.

Alec looks around the dinner table. Six places at the table were set, but only three of them had food on them. After he got back from duty, Maryse had insisted that they have a weekly family dinner. Robert had been the first one to drop out, insisting that they were surely on the right track to saving Jace and he needed to be at work every moment he wasn’t asleep. Isabelle had been next, saying that she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend Simon instead.

Calous as that sounded, and it infuriated Maryse, Alec knew the truth. Isabelle just couldn’t stomach to see Jace’s empty space, knowing that… it was never going to be filled again. Alec glances at Max. Max didn’t have a say in the matter. The youngest Lightwood couldn’t legally escape the sadness that had blanketed his home. He buries himself in his book as he eats his dinner.

“Max,” Maryse clears her throat. “How was your spelling bee today?”

“That was yesterday,” Max says quietly, not looking up from his book. “Today we did math drills.”

Maryse waits a beat before she asks, “So, how did you do in the spelling bee yesterday?”

Max shrugs. “I lost. I got third place.”

“What word did you lose on?”

“Ridiculous.”

Maryse hums and starts cutting another row off her steak. “How did you spell it?”

Max sighs. “R-E-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.”

“So close,” Maryse takes a bite of her steak. “You’ll get it for sure next time. Alec, what did you do after therapy today?”

Alec feels a sudden urge to grab his plate and fling it against the wall. He doesn’t do that. That wouldn’t be proper. Instead he picks up his cornbread and takes a bite. Chew, chew, chew. “Dad took me out to eat.”

“Oh? That must be why you’re not very hungry tonight.” Maryse looks down at her plate, at her overdone steak, her underdone green beans, and the surprisingly good mashed potatoes. “Where’d you two go?”

“McDonalds.”

Maryse nods. “That’s good. I’m happy to see you get out there. You’ve been stuck inside for so long and we were getting worried about you.”

And there it is. Alec feels tears well up in his eyes, but he’s not sure if they’re from anger or sadness. Perhaps a mixture of both. He needed to get away from her. Away from all this. “May I be excused?”

God, he sounded like a little kid instead of a grown ass man.

Maryse sighs. “Yes, go on. I’ll bring your dessert to your room.”

Alec feels like he’s her greatest disappointment. Maybe he is, but at least he was still here.

Where else was he supposed to go?

Chapter Text

Magnus places two steaming cups onto his desk before placing two cold bottles of soda next to them. Well, not cold. Chill? Maybe the cheap cooler he’d bought had a leak. Oh well. He grabs a paper plate he’d snagged from one of the group meeting rooms downstairs and dumps sugar cookies and chocolate chip cookies onto it.

Next, Magnus opens his door as far as it will go and even stuffs one of those door holder things up under it. Then he plugs in a cinnamon air freshener, even though he doesn’t think his office smells bad at all. What’s next? Oh!

The actual therapist stuff. He lays down a blue, regular looking notebook and black pen. Wait, make it purple. And then he grabs a few knickknacks and books from the single bookcase he could get in here and lays them on the desk too.

There. Now his office looked homey and comfortable, and not at all like a therapist’s office.

Magnus smiles down at the best addition of all in the room. The chair. He’d finally got John to give him a better chair for his patients. No more ass piercing! Magnus hadn’t been allowed to roll it outside and throw it in the dumpster himself… so he was pretty sure John had just rolled it into someone else’s office. Someone who wouldn’t complain as much or as loudly as Magnus did.

Taking one last look around his office, Magnus sits down at his desk before remembering he’s still wearing his coat. He hangs it up before he quickly moves back to his desk. Five minutes. Five minutes until Alexander, sorry, Alec, would be here. Hopefully. The last appointment hadn’t gone well but it had gone better than the one Alec had with his other therapist. That was progress.

And… if Alec didn’t show up today, that progress would be in the shitter.

Magnus tries to keep himself busy but he can’t help but glance up at the clock every few seconds. He looks down at the cookies, sodas, coffee and tea, the chair, the air freshener, and the additions he added to the desk. It wasn’t like him to make so many changes for his patients. He’d had a lot of patients over the years and they’d all had different reactions to therapy.

It wasn’t even like Alec’s reaction was different than theirs! Anger and discomfort had almost literally radiated off of the younger man. That wasn’t new for Magnus, especially with patients that had lost limbs or watched friends get blown to pieces after stepping on a mine. And yet Alec’s anger and discomfort had made Magnus fight extra hard to make him happy with the room. He didn’t get it.

Footsteps come from down the hallway and Magnus doesn’t look up, not wanting the person to see the disappointed look on his face if it’s not Alec Lightwood. The steps get closer and closer until they walk into Magnus’s office. He looks up to see Alec standing there wearing a too large black coat and a funny look on his face.

“Why does it smell like an old lady candle shop in here?”

Magnus’s face falls as he eyes the cinnamon air freshener. Alec snorts and takes off his coat. He hangs it over the seat before he sits down. “You got a new chair.”

“Uh,” Magnus wonders if Alec would laugh at him, or snort or roll his eyes or something else condescending, if he took out the air freshener. Deciding yes, Magnus sits down in his own chair and opens his notebook. “Yes. My boss finally got tired of me complaining about it.” He nods at the drink assortment and cookies. “I wasn’t sure what you’d like. You can have a cookie, or there’s coffee, tea, and soda.”

Alec crosses his arms and he looks at the food. Magnus realizes there’s snowflakes in the man’s hair and his fingers twitch. Don’t touch him. That’s weird. Don’t touch him. He’s a soldier boy and probably knows how to kill me in a couple dozen different ways.

“This all wasn’t here last week,” Alec says suspiciously. “Why’d you bring all this stuff and get a new chair for my visit this week when you didn’t do it last week? That’s weird.”

Yeah. He’s not wrong. Magnus clears his throat. This was all going so wrong. “I just, uh…”

Alec looks up at him and frowns, black brows furrowing over blue eyes that have no right to be so… ugh. Alec tenses. “You just, uh, what?”

Magnus throws up his hands and looks at the food and door and air freshener. “I did all this to try to make you comfortable. You seemed so uncomfortable last week and I thought you might like this place if it looked less like a therapist’s office and more… homey, I guess. The door’s open and there’s food and it smells like… well, I think an old lady’s candle shop is nice because I like candle shops.”

“They make me sneeze.”

“Do…” Magnus glances at the air freshener. “Do you want me to unplug it? I’m just trying to make you comfortable.”

“Good luck,” Alec mutters quietly, but not enough for Magnus to miss it. He frowns. Alec grabs one of the sodas and a cookie. “You don’t have to unplug it. I don’t like coffee or tea, but I do like soda and cookies.”

Magnus tries to smile. Alec’s… not hostile exactly, but definitely not friendly. Rude, but that’s more likely his reaction to the trauma than what he’s naturally like. At least the other man is trying. He’s here, after all. “Would you like to start where we left off last week or would you like to talk about something else?”

Alec shrugs and takes a swig of soda. He rests the cookie on his knee and taps the top of the bottle with his thumb. “I’m not sure where we left off last week.”

Only where you abruptly ended the session. Magnus glances down at his notebook where he’d entered all his notes from their last meeting. “You told me your side and the enemy shot civilians.”

“Yes,” Alec says, his tone clipped. “It was a firefight and the civilians were unfortunately in the middle of it.”

“Did you shoot any of them?”

“None of the civilians. Four hostiles.”

Magnus nods and says softly, “It must have been frightening.”

“I was more scared for Jace, and for—”

Five seconds past. Then ten more, before Magnus tries to encourage him to continue. “For? Your squad? Your sergeant?”

“Yeah, sure. Those things.”

Magnus frowns as Alec stares at a point above his head, his arms crossed tightly and his fingers even digging into his arms. He has only known Alec for less than an hour combined between the two therapy sessions, and he already knows the man is a bad liar. “The other thing we talked about before you left,” So abruptly, “Was something you did to get in trouble with your commanding officer. The line of questioning seemed to upset you. Would you like to talk about it now or not?”

Alec stiffens further in his chair but he doesn’t bolt out the door this time. Progress. He shrugs again and takes an infinitesimal bite of cookie. “I mouthed off to him. He gave my squad hell for a week, making us clean toilets and other shit.”

“Why’d he punish all of you instead of just you?”

Alec makes a face at Magnus and Magnus almost laughs. He looks down at his notebook to keep from smiling. “We were a squad. If one is punished then we are all punished. It’s called brotherhood and sisterhood. We have each other’s backs even if we rib each other for it afterwards. Jace was the king of mouthing off to people and we were used to getting ripped for it. It’s like they thought we could control Jace.”

“But you can’t,” Magnus says gently. “Control Jace.”

For a second, Magnus thinks he might have made a massive mistake. An angry look crosses over Alec’s face before it disappears and he nods, slightly. “No. The military life wasn’t for him. This was supposed to be his last tour.”

“What doesn’t he like about the military?”

“Literally everything,” Alec snorts and lifts up his hand. He points at his thumb. “He hated waking up early. He hated being yelled at or getting ordered around. He hated deserts when we had to go to one. He hated the cold. He hated the heat. He hated guns. He hated it all and couldn’t wait to get out.”

Magnus stares at Alec for a few beats before he writes something down in his notebook. He leans back in his chair and tries to think how to put this delicately. “Alec… You say the military life wasn’t for him. You say that Jace hated all these things about it. Past tense. What do you think that means?”

“He’s dead,” Alec says bluntly and squeezes his bottle of soda so tightly that it makes a popping noise. “I told you that Jace mouths off to people. He probably tried to be a hero and rushed away from the squad to… to kill the leader or something stupid. He was either killed or captured and then killed because he doesn’t know how to shut his mouth.”

“He’s listed as missing in action,” Magnus says gently. “He could be alive.”

Alec lowers his eyes from the spot above Magnus’s head and looks Magnus in his eyes for the first time the entire session. Magnus clears his throat and starts to look away but stops. This was progress. Why did it make him so uncomfortable? Alec looks away again. “Do you really believe that.”

It’s not a question, and not one Magnus wanted to answer anyways. The truth was no, he didn’t think Jace was alive. It’s been four months with no word. Obviously he couldn’t say that to Alec. “I don’t know, but when I was a child, my mother always said to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It’s cliché but she’s not wrong. It’s okay to hope for Jace to be alive but prepare yourself for bad news.”

“Okay.” Alec doesn’t look convinced. “Can I go now?”

Magnus glances up at the clock. It’s only been half an hour, but Alec has made progress, even if reluctantly. “Is there anything else you want to talk about? We don’t just have to stick to what happened with Jace or the army. We can talk about anything. Even happy stuff.”

“No, thanks,” Alec rises from his seat and puts on his coat. He dumps the empty bottle of soda and barely nibbled on cookie into the basket by the door. “I’ll see you next week.”

Before Magnus can even open his mouth to say goodbye, Alec walks out the door. He’s not sure if he should pump his arm or be unhappy. There was progress this week, but Alec didn’t seem very fond of him. Maybe Alec needed a different therapist?

That thought makes Magnus feel sick for some reason.

Chapter Text

Alec grits his teeth as Morgenstern slowly eases his cock inside of him. It hurt, a lot, and Alec has to struggle to keep himself from telling the older man to stop. It would get better eventually. He just wasn’t used to sex without a lot of foreplay. Besides, it wasn’t like he deserved better than this. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted it to make him forget Jace was gone and probably wouldn’t be coming back.

Morgenstern grunts as he bottoms out inside of Alec. “It’s a cliché line but you really are so tight. Come on, tell me the truth. How many people have gotten the chance to fuck you?”

“Shut up,” Alec growls and tightens his hands on the edge of Morgenstern’s desk. “Just get it over with.”

“What’s the rush?” Morgenstern grips Alec’s hip with one hand, but the other one slides under Alec’s shirt and up his spine, making goosebumps rise up on Alec’s skin. “I wanted to savor this moment.”

The hand on his hip doesn’t feel personal, even though Morgenstern’s cock is literally inside of him right now. The hand on his back, however, is completely different. Alec doesn’t like the soft strokes of flesh against flesh and he doesn’t like Morgenstern’s blunt nails sliding against his body. It felt too personal, too intimate, too much. To try to get Morgenstern to hurry up, Alec squeezes his insides around Morgenstern’s cock.

The man hisses and the hand holding Alec’s hip smacks Alec’s ass, pushing him farther across the desk and making him yelp. “I wanted this to be gentle,” Morgenstern growls. His hand wraps around the back of Alec’s neck and pushes him harder against the desk. Alec’s shirt tightens around his chest and his back is almost completely bare with Morgenstern’s arm all the way through it and his hand around Alec’s neck. His other hand grips Alec’s hip again. “But I guess gentle is not what you need. What you need is a hard fuck, and I’m going to give it to you. No take backs, Alexander.”

Alec yelps again as Morgenstern draws out of him before slamming back inside of him. Morgenstern doesn’t stop once he’s inside either or slow down, instead choosing a brutal rhythm that Alec’s not used to, especially having gone over a year without sex. His own cock presses hard against the wood of Morgenstern’s desk and he knows it’s leaking precum against it. He closes his eyes and bites his lip to keep any groans or moans to escape. His hips smack painfully into the desk with each of Morgenstern’s thrusts and he wouldn’t be surprised if the back of his neck and hips were bruised tomorrow.

The hand around Alec’s neck tightens and Morgenstern’s cock hits his prostate. Alec’s jaw drops and he lets out a long moan that he couldn’t hold back. “Oh, god,” Morgenstern groans and he yanks back Alec’s neck, making his spine arch. “You were made for this.”

Morgenstern’s lips press into Alec’s jaw and slides up to the corner of his lips. “You were made for this, Alexander.”

Alec’s not prepared for Morgenstern’s lips to press against his. He keeps his eyes closed as he opens his lips and allows Morgenstern to suck on his tongue and lick his teeth. The newer position makes it so Morgenstern can’t thrust as fast, but it does let him in deeper. Alec chokes on a moan as each slow, deep thrust presses against his prostate. His balls quickly tighten and his insides quiver around Morgenstern’s cock.

“Fuck,” Morgenstern mumbles against Alec’s lips. He nips Alec’s lips. “I wanted this to last longer, but…”

Morgenstern shoves Alec back down against the desk and continues that relentless pace he’d had before. Alec tries to stop his moans as his cock is pushed into the desk with each thrust. Another thrust has him coming undone and he thrusts his hips forward, stilling. His cum hits the desk and his insides spasm around Morgenstern’s cock. The older man grunts and thrusts a few more times before he stills, his hand a vice around Alec’s neck.

The high disappears almost immediately and Alec wants to shove the man off of him. What the fuck was wrong with him? He thinks about Jace. Jace would be disgusted over this. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Next time,” Morgenstern moans as he pulls his cock free from Alec’s body. “I want to do it without a condom.”

Alec presses his sweaty cheek against the desk. There couldn’t be a next time.

A horn beeps and Alec looks up as his father’s truck pulls up next to him. He was surprised Robert had not only left the VA building during his therapy session but had actually left to go somewhere during it. That showed a level of trust that Alec wasn’t sure he deserved. He was now on his sixth session with Dr. Bane and it wasn’t getting easier.

Alec opens the door and hops up beside his father. Robert doesn’t say anything as he pulls away from the curb before Alec even puts on his belt. His hands are cold from not wearing gloves outside and he knows his nose would make Rudolph proud right now. Soft, classical music fills the air coming from the radio and Alec glances as the name of the song goes by on the device. It wasn’t his type of music but Robert had rules. He drove, he chose. Alec looks out the window.

He didn’t get why Dr. Bane’s sessions always, always ended with him thinking about what happened between him and Morgenstern. If he could, he’d erase that regrettable moment from his mind. It’d been weird, selfish, and just… ugh. He wished he could forget all about it. What he didn’t understand was how Dr. Bane could get under his skin so bad that he couldn’t help but think about Morgenstern. Dr. Bane was really interested in the squad dynamic and especially interested in what Alec did to piss off Morgenstern.

That was staying secret.

No one was going to find out about that. It could get Morgenstern fired and as much as Alec didn’t like the man, what happened between them was consensual. He hadn’t said no. His body said yes. And it never happened again, thankfully.

“How was your session?”

Alec stares out the window and he shrugs. “Fine. He asked me a lot about living with you, mom, and Max.”

“Hm.”

Alec isn’t sure what to make of that. “He asked if I like living with you and mom and Max.”

Robert turns right and another song starts up on the radio. “Do you like living with me and mom? We could get you an apartment if you want.”

That had been the plan. Alec and Jace were going to get an apartment together or maybe a little house. Somewhere close to where Alec could keep working in the army and Jace could go to school. Alec would be gone a lot anyway, so it’d pretty much be Jace’s place. It hadn’t been the plan to get out of the army and live with mommy and daddy, especially with a mommy and daddy who were never together anymore.

“We uh, we don’t want to cramp your style or whatever you kids say today.”

Alec makes a face. That was the kind of stuff Jace would say but not Alec, and certainly not Robert. It bothered him to be jobless and living with his parents. It really bothered him that everyone thought he was so fucked up that he needed therapy. Things were so expensive now though. He had no college education and had thought the military was going to be what he did for the rest of his life. What could he do now? He could be a glorified, veteran dishwasher but that sounded so depressing he might shoot himself.

Somedays he wanted to shoot himself. Life just didn’t seem worth living anymore without Jace, but if he said that to Dr. Bane he’d be locked up and called crazy.

“Are you hungry?”

“Uh,” Alec shrugs again and looks through his window at the restaurants passing by. “Mom said she’s making chicken strips for dinner.” Literally every place they pass sounds better than Maryse’s over-cooked chicken. She was terrified of bacteria and her cooking made the chicken even less edible than Salmonella chicken would be. “She’d probably be mad if we stopped.”

That wasn’t true, but Alec was barely eating his food at home. His appetite seemed to completely disappear after Jace did. Maryse had taken note of him not eating her food though and he had to at least try. The last thing he needed was Maryse telling Dr. Bane that he wasn’t eating. Dr. Bane would psychoanalyze it just like he psychoanalyzed everything else they talked about.

“Just make sure your mom doesn’t burn it,” Robert turns into a chicken place they both like. The smell is heavenly and Robert parks the truck. “Chicken does sound good though. I’ll take it to work. I’m probably going to be there pretty late tonight. You sure you don’t want anything? You can eat it in the car and your mom will never know. Max somehow likes your mom’s chicken.”

It does smell good. If he doesn’t get sides, he could choke down Maryse’s broccoli and baked potato with a fake smile on his face. “Can I get strips and that strawberry thing?”

“Yeah, be right back, buddy.”

Alec watches Robert climb out of the car and walk inside. The windows are foggy from the cold outside and the heat inside, so he can only see his father’s shape. Robert hadn’t called him buddy since he was thirteen. It was like he was reverting back to his childhood by living with his parents.

He didn’t know how to make that stop. He didn’t know how to make the memories stop either. He was stuck with them and he knew the only way to stop them was for Jace to come home.

Chapter Text

Magnus taps his pen against his desk. He keeps glancing at the clock on the wall above the door, and then at the watch on his wrist because he can’t believe the clock on the wall is right.

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes late.

He sighs. This wasn’t the first meeting Alec Lightwood had been late to but Magnus had been positive the last few sessions that they’d been making progress together. Each second after their meeting time makes him think he’s going one step forward and two steps back with the other man. Maybe this was even the end of their time together all-together.

That hurt him more than he cared to admit. Working at the VA was harder than he ever imagined but it was fulfilling knowing that he was helping soldiers after coming home. He’d seen it all and was positive he could help Alec. Well, he couldn’t be a hundred percent positive. There were those that fell through the cracks, but he’d been convinced Alec wouldn’t be one that fell through the cracks after their breakthroughs the last couple of meetings.

Okay, breakthroughs might be a tad bit generous. Alec spoke to him at those last two meetings without looking like he wanted to fling his water bottle at Magnus’s head.

If only Magnus could get Alec to really talk. Alec was a terrible liar and he knew Alec was keeping things from him about his squad, his squad dynamic, and Magnus couldn’t help but think Alec had done something worse than just “Mouthing off” to his commanding officer. He had no proof of that but Alec’s tension was coming from somewhere, and it was either distrust of Magnus or it was something he wouldn’t, or couldn’t, tell.

Maybe… Magnus should just accept what Alec had practically been screaming at him since they met. He didn’t want a therapist and he didn’t want to open up. The other man had opened up minimally, and Magnus had thought of it as a win, but maybe it wasn’t a win. Maybe they just weren’t a right fit for each other. Perhaps Cat would be a better choice for Alec. Maybe Alec would feel better with a woman for a therapist.

Still, even though Magnus was pretty sure Alec was either not going to show up today or would show up with the same attitude as last time, he was still going to sit and wait for him. There was nothing Magnus hated more than failing a patient. It made him feel the same way it had felt when his father died. His father was failed and he did not want to fail Alec.

A knock on the door jerks Magnus out of his thoughts and he calls out, “Come in.”

The door opens and Alec steps through. Magnus frowns. “Are you okay, Alec?”

Alec’s skin is practically soaked with sweat and his hair is wet from it as well. The man twitches and his chest heaves as if he’d ran all the way up the stairs. Alec really shouldn’t be sweating like that or breathing like that, especially considering how cold it is outside and because they kept the building cool. “Alec?”

“I’m fine,” Alec crosses his arms and sits in the seat across from Magnus. He doesn’t stop twitching and he looks around the office wide-eyed. Magnus doesn’t miss that Alec’s eyes stop on his desk multiple times. “Sorry I’m late. We had to stop and get gas and there was a problem with the pump.”

Uh huh. Magnus nods and opens his notebook instead of saying what he actually wants to say. There were a number of things that could be wrong with Alec including drugs, but the other man didn’t seem the type. Obviously he hasn’t known Alec long but he didn’t think Alec was the type to even smoke pot, as straight edge as he was.

The other option was far more likely for Alec but not one Magnus was sure he could safely address right now. Anxiety is common with soldiers and Alec was showing all the physical signs of an attack. It was very likely that Alec had PTSD too after what happened with Jace, and survivor’s guilt, but again, Magnus wasn’t sure how to go about dealing with this. The majority of the patients he spoke to were far more open than Alec was about talking. The moment the topic got too deep; Alec would pull away.

This had to be treated more delicately than Magnus normally had to be with patients. Most of them wanted help. Many didn’t, but at least did talk. Alec didn’t want to talk.

“Would you,” Magnus clears his throat. “Would you like to start where we finished last week?”

Alec shrugs and Magnus notices him dig his nails into his arms. At least the other man’s still wearing his coat, but still. “I don’t really care. Whatever you want.”

Magnus’s frown deepens but he glances at his notes from last time. “You said that you think Jace is dead, but he could still be alive. There have been other prisoners of war before, so it’s possible Jace is one of them. Why do you think it’s easier for you to think he’s dead?”

Alec’s fidgeting stops for a second as the other man looks at him before it starts up again. Alec goes back to staring at Magnus’s desk. “Think about the person you love most in the world. It could be a brother or sister or a mom or dad or your best friend,” He starts talking faster. “Now think about them being tortured and waterboarded and having their skin peeled off or maybe imagine them being starved half to death and raped. Now imagine that allllll of that ends with your loved one being beheaded live on TV or filled with a hundred bullets. Would you rather them be dead and no longer suffering or going through that every. Single. Fucking. Day until they’re finally put out of their misery? If I was Jace, I would have wanted a good, clean death the day of the fire fight instead of what could happen to me.”

It was the most Alec had ever told him without glowering. Magnus wasn’t sure if it was because of the potential anxiety attack or something Alec just needed to get out. He didn’t want to lose this progress though. “I don’t what how I’d feel. I only have one person and she’s a fighter. I’d hate for her to have to go through that but she’d fight through it for me. She’d never stop picturing my face and knowing she’s fighting for me. If Jace is alive, I can guarantee he’s thinking about you right now.”

Alec looks up from Magnus’s desk but his eyes keep flickering back to it. “She? Your wife?”

Magnus almost laughs. If the situation weren’t so serious, he probably would have busted a gut. “No, no wife. TMI for a patient but I have no luck with relationships. I’m talking about my mom. She’s the only person in my life except for a couple of friends. Do you have any friends you can talk about this with?”

“No,” Alec shakes his head and shrugs at the same time. “Jace was my friend. Isabelle’s not around much anymore because she can’t stomach being around our parents. Our parents are on the brink of divorce, and Max, my younger brother, is too young to talk to.”

“It has to be hard not being able to talk to people about this.”

“Yes, no, I don’t know,” Alec looks up at Magnus and then at the desk again. “Do we have to sit in here? I want to leave.”

Magnus looks down at his desk, not understanding what’s wrong with it. There’s no pictures, just notebooks, pens, and his laptop. “We don’t have to have our session in here, if you don’t want. Are you telling me you want to leave for the day or do you just want to have our session elsewhere?”

“Elsewhere,” Alec exhales loudly. “I don’t like it in here. I don’t like your desk. You said there was a room downstairs with snack machines. Is there a desk in there?”

“No, there isn’t,” Magnus frowns. Despite having worked in this career for so long, he couldn’t understand what was traumatizing about his desk. “There are tables but no desks. I did want to ask you something before we go downstairs. Would you prefer a woman for a therapist? I’m worried that you’re not comfortable with me.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, thank you. I’m fine with you. I just don’t like it in here.”

Magnus nods and stands up. “Okay, let’s go downstairs then.”

Alec is up like a shot and disappears out the door. Magnus has to rush to grab his stuff before racing after him.

There was something really weird going on about the desk.

Chapter Text

Alec couldn’t believe how humiliated he felt right now. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of Dr. Bane’s desk, and the worst part was that Dr. Bane totally knew he was side-eying that desk hard. What was going on in the good doctor’s mind while Alec was having a mini-freakout over the desk? Does he suspect? Worse, has he put the puzzle pieces together and does he know?

He's never been in therapy before. Alec doesn’t know what the protocol is for something like this. Would Dr. Bane say something or would he wait until Alec said something? Oh god, or would the doctor tell his parents about this? Or someone else? The police? Is mandated reporting a thing when it’s an adult they’re talking to?

The ding of the elevator makes Alec jump and he takes a few steps away from Dr. Bane. The doctor acts as if nothing was wrong and they wait for the elevator to stop on their floor. When the doors swoosh open, Alec is grateful to see there’s two other people on it so he doesn’t have to talk about this with Dr. Bane. They get onto the elevator and his stomach churns as they stop first on the second floor and then the first.

Finally, finally they stop on the basement and Alec follows Dr. Bane out of the elevator. He’s immediately surprised by how brightly lit and… and nice it is down here. There are floor to ceiling glass walls showing off what look like conference rooms, only underground. Some of the rooms have big groups of people in them and some of them have only two or three. Alec only just glances into each of them as they pass, not wanting to disturb their privacy.

“We have AA meetings here,” Dr. Bane explains as he opens a room that’s empty except for a big table, rolling chairs, and a TV on the wall. “NA meetings, sexual assault groups, LGBTQ groups, and whatever else. You’re free to join any of them if you think a group setting would be better for your situation.”

Alec watches Dr. Bane take a seat halfway along the table, not at the head. He slowly sits down across from him. The other man hadn’t looked at him when he said sexual assault, nor did he make any indication he thought Alec should join that group, but he was still wary about it. He hadn’t been able to see the look on his own face when he’d been staring at that desk but he was sure Dr. Bane had been at least curious about it.

Curious enough to use it against him.

“Are you more comfortable in here?”

Alec glances around the room and turns to look at the glass wall behind him. He didn’t feel safe exactly, but he felt safer here than when he had been up in Dr. Bane’s office. The wall helped. People wouldn’t be able to hear what they were saying but they damn sure could see the two of them in here. Dr. Bane couldn’t pull anything funny if they were constantly at risk of being watched. He turns back to the other man. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Would you like to continue with where we left off? We only have about fifteen minutes to go but I think we’re making good progress today.”

Were they? Alec figured his little freak out upstairs would have the other man running for the hills. Not that Alec could blame him for that. “What do you want to talk about?”

Dr. Bane taps his pen against his notebook. He looks behind Alec’s head at the wall behind him. “When you talk to other people about what happened overseas, is it difficult? Or do you not talk to them about it at all.”

Alec frowns and shrugs a little. “I guess I don’t really talk about it. I’ve talked about it with my parents and with Izzy but nothing more than what I said to my superior officers. I don’t really want to get into the… the…” His frown deepens. “I don’t want to get into the feelings, I guess.”

Dr. Bane smiles for some reason. “What feelings do you have when your parents or your sister or, hell, even your little brother, try to talk to you about Jace or what happened over there?”

“Anger,” Alec says reluctantly. Damn, how long did he say this session still had? “Guilt. Shame. Fear. Disgust. Nothing remotely good, I mean.”

“Let’s go through them,” Dr. Bane writes down each of the words that Alec had said before he looks back up at him. “Anger over what? Guilt over what? Shame because of…? Why are you afraid? Disgust over what? Working through each of those emotions and why you feel them might make you feel better.”

Those words felt like something Alec had read out of a Dr. Seuss book or from a children’s TV show. Still… Maybe it would help. “Anger over… failing to save Jace and… and the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. Maybe add helpless to that list of yours.”

Dr. Bane hums and writes again. “And what about the guilt you’re feeling?”

Alec sighs. “I guess that ties in with the anger. I feel guilty that I wasn’t able to save Jace. I feel even guiltier about… about a kid. I tried to save a little girl but she pulled away from me and my commanding officer told me to let her go. I wish I had disobeyed his command. She might be alive now if I hadn’t let her go.”

“Or you might have started a fight with the locals by grabbing one of their own,” Dr. Bane says gently. “What about shame?”

That… That was tricky. Shame, fear, and disgust all stemmed from one thing and one thing only, and it wasn’t Jace. It was Morgenstern. Alec wasn’t sure he could tell Dr. Bane that he was ashamed of himself, afraid of Morgenstern, and disgusted with himself. Not without talking about what happened in that office, and he knew he’d never talk about that with anyone.

“Alec?”

Alec shrugs again and crosses his arms as if they’re a shield against the other man’s words. “I don’t know why I feel that way. I just do, okay?”

“Okay,” Instead of pushing him on it like Alec thought he would, Magnus just nods and continues to jot stuff down in his notebook. “What about my desk bothers you? Is it how messy it is?”

Alec freezes. He coughs, though it sounds more like choking. “No, it’s not messy. I just don’t like it.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“No.”

“Perhaps,” Dr. Bane leans back in his chair and drops his pen. “Perhaps what you feel about my desk is attributed to your shame, fear, and disgust. It’s just a thought.”

A thought that was on the money. The desk and those three feelings were always going to be linked in his mind. Alongside Morgenstern. Not that Alec could ever tell anyone about that. “Perhaps you’re right. How much longer do we have in the session?”

Dr. Bane frowns and pulls his phone out of his pocket. “About three minutes. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”

Alec almost blurts out what happened between him and Morgenstern. He doesn’t even know why. He barely knows Dr. Bane, and if he wasn’t willing to tell his parents, why would he be willing to tell someone he’s only known a few weeks? No, he forces that strange instinct down. “No, but I do have a question. If I wanted to see you and join one of the groups you talked about earlier, would that be okay?”

“One of the groups?” Dr. Bane glances out the glass wall. “Do you mean the AA or NA groups?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ve had a little problem with alcohol after getting out of the military,” Alec lies. “I just thought I might want to check out some of the groups. Maybe the LGBTQ one would be good for me too.”

Just say it. Just say the sexual assault group.

No. He wasn’t sexually assaulted. He consented to Morgenstern.

“Oh,” Dr. Bane smiles. “I didn’t know you were part of the LGBTQ community.”

“I’m gay.”

“Okay,” Dr. Bane’s smile widens and he starts writing something in his notebook. “I’ll talk to one of the counselors that handle the LGBTQ groups. You’ve made some really good progress today, Alec. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Um, thanks,” Alec fidgets in his seat. “Can I go, please?”

“Same time next week?”

“Mhm,” Alec gets up and is already halfway to the door. “Same time next week.”

Alec opens the door and walks back down the way he came. He can’t help but glance through each of the other conference rooms that he passes. What would it be like to talk in a group of people? They were like him. Despite his reluctance to admit it, talking to Dr. Bane has helped him, somewhat.

Would it help Alec to talk to other gay servicemen? Maybe, since they knew what it felt both to be gay and to be in the military. They would also understand things, the more violent side of things, that no matter how much Dr. Bane tried, he couldn’t understand the way those who had actually seen war firsthand would be able to.

Yeah, he thinks he might actually want to talk to them. It could help.

And he’d try to ignore the sexual assault group.

He didn’t belong there. It was consensual.

It was consensual.

Chapter Text

“If I wanted to see you and join one of the groups you talked about earlier, would that be okay?”

“I’ve had a little problem with alcohol after getting out of the military.”

“Maybe the LGBTQ one would be good for me too.”

“I didn’t know you were part of the LGBTQ community.”

“I’m gay.”

“I’m gay.”

“I’m gay.”

I’m gay

Magnus can’t stop the grin from forming on his face. He’d been absolutely chipper since his last appointment with Alec Lightwood. It was a miracle he hadn’t giggled like an immature teenager when Alec revealed he was gay. He should have removed himself as Alec’s therapist from reacting like that alone.

Alcohol though. Magnus frowns. Alcohol and narcotics were typical things returning soldiers turned to. He couldn’t blame them. If he saw people get blown up and shot people overseas, he’d probably want liquid courage and crack to get through his day too. He’s treated plenty of patients that fell down plenty of bottles or shot up because the alternative was thinking.

Alec doesn’t seem the type to drown himself in alcohol though. Obviously Magnus isn’t with him all the time, but he’s been sober for every appointment. That didn’t mean anything at all, considering Alec could be getting drunk at home and come to the appointments sober, but it just didn’t seem like him. Still, Magnus wasn’t about to keep Alec from a therapy group that he was actually seeking out.

Magnus starts to grin again. Ah, Alec asking for help! It felt like they’d turned over a massive stone in their path to Alec’s recovery. The dour, frowning, resentful, unhelpful, angry man that had at first appeared in his doorway not wanting this, is now asking for help. And…

He might have to stop being Alec’s therapist.

His smile dies again. It didn’t seem fair. Magnus had helped Alec get to a place where he was mostly comfortable in therapy sessions. Alec had said that he didn’t want another therapist and even reached out and asked for help getting into LGBTQ and alcoholism groups. Would that progress stop the moment Magnus stopped being his therapist? Not to toot his own horn, or maybe a little bit tooting his own horn, but Magnus didn’t think Alec was going to be able to get this far without help. Would Alec feel betrayed by Magnus if he abandoned him now?

It was Magnus’s reaction to finding out Alec was gay that was ruining everything. He’d been far too happy about it, thinking about the man’s pretty blue eyes and black hair the color of ink. The kind of black hair you could never get from a box. Magnus had been able to ignore the affection he’d felt and the attraction of the other man when he’d thought Alec was straight. But now he knows he’s gay?

It was different from finding out other patients were gay. It’s never bothered him at all, and he’s never in his entire career been attracted to a patient. Magnus should have told his boss on the first day but he didn’t want to be another person in a line of people that let Alec down. He wanted to take that angry, hurt look off Alec’s face and he’s done that. He’s helped.

Alec doesn’t want another therapist, but the rules demanded Magnus be honest. If he could just find out what was going on with his desk… there was something there and it was driving him crazy that he couldn’t help Alec with whatever was bothering him about it. Magnus was convinced that… No, well, maybe. Rape? It wouldn’t be the first time a soldier was raped.

The door opens and Catarina steps into the room. She pauses when she sees Magnus in the chair opposite her desk. “May I ask why you’re in my office instead of in yours?”

“I figured that if I asked you to join me in my office,” Magnus grins up at her. “That you’d ignore my text or call. If you didn’t ignore it, you’d say you’re too busy and would make me wait forever before you gave me the time of day. I decided to take matters into my own hands and come here. Surprise!”

Catarina rolls her eyes and sits across from him. “I am too busy. I would have gotten back to you eventually.”

“Sure you would,” Magnus says dryly. “But now you get to get back to me now. I am having an issue that I need your help with.”

“You’re always having issues,” Catarina mutters. “What issues are you having now that I am not having?”

“So my patient, Alec, he—”

Catarina levels a glare at him. “You better have his permission to talk to me. If you don’t, you’re breaching a whole bunch of ethics.”

Magnus huffs. “I’m breaching a whole bunch of ethics without even talking about him. I may have stepped in a big pile of doodie by not having a little chat with John about it.”

“What are you talking about, Magnus? And don’t say doodie in front of me ever again.”

“I,” Magnus hesitates before he says very fast, “I may have developed a little bit of a crush on my patient, Alec.”

Catarina stares at him. She doesn’t say anything and Magnus, growing frustrated, finally blurts out, “What?! Could you say something? This is your turn to… to… be a friend and tell me what to do.”

“I can’t believe I have to tell you what to do!” Catarina throws up her hands. “Are you out of your mind? You should have told John the moment you realized you had a crush on the guy. How long have you known?”

“Um,” Magnus mumbles. “Well, I thought he was cute the first time I met him. Things kinda took a turn at our last meeting when he told me he’s gay and—”

“MAGNUS BANE!”

“I know!” Magnus puts his head in his hands. “It’s bad. It’s so bad, I know. I just thought I was doing so well with him that it’d be bad if we gave him another therapist. He said he wants me to be his therapist and no one else. What if he stops coming in once I stop being his therapist? I’m afraid of that. Don’t you get it.”

“That’s a risk we’ll have to take,” Catarina sounds hesitant and he looks at her through his fingers. “Do you think he’s realized you think he’s attractive? Does he react differently to you? If he flirts with you, John needs to know about that too.”

Magnus shakes his head. “I don’t flirt with him and he hasn’t flirted with me. I’ve kept it purely professional. He asked me if I could get him into one of the LGBTQ groups and told me he’s gay. My happiness to finding out about that made me realize that I need to see about getting him another therapist. It’s not healthy for him to have a therapist that looks at him the way I’m starting too. I just…”

Catarina waits for him to finish but he doesn’t. “You just… What?”

“I’m afraid he’ll leave,” Magnus rubs his hands down his face. “He’s starting to get better. We’re starting to really go places in our meetings and my libido is ruining that. What if he hates me after I transfer him to someone else? What if he stops coming in? What if he doesn’t join any of the groups?”

“That’s a lot of what ifs, Magnus,” Catarina frowns. “There’s something else bothering you outside of the what ifs. Something that makes this really personal. And I’m not talking about you having a crush on him. It sounds like you’ve made real headway with him.”

Magnus thinks about the desk. Their meetings always came back to his desk. “I know I’m not allowed to talk about my patients without permission, but I think we’re getting close to something. Something involving my desk.”

“I don’t understand. Your desk?”

“He’s afraid of it,” Magnus looks at Catarina’s desk, about as decorated as his own. “I don’t know why but he’s afraid of it. And I don’t know how another therapist will handle it. If they’ll handle it like I have.”

Catarina shrugs. “Maybe he has OCD. It’s very common in soldiers. Have you breached that topic with him?”

“He says no,” Magnus shakes his head again. “And I know I’m not allowed to talk about this but he’s like… terrified of it, not bursting out of his skin to try to clean it up. He told me that it made him feel ashamed. There’s a question that I want to ask but I’m afraid that if I push him too hard too fast, he’ll snap. And that’s a question I can’t ask a patient that I’m attracted to.”

“Oh. Oh,” Realization dawns on Catarina’s face and she looks uncomfortable. “A few years ago, only thirty percent of sexual assault victims reported it, and not many of them were men. If he doesn’t bring it up then there’s nothing you or I or John or anyone can do. Maybe…”

“Maybe?”

Catarina frowns. “You said he’s gay. He wants to join the LGBTQ group.”

Magnus nods. “Yeah. He asked me to get him in that one. Why?”

“Give him some pamphlets,” Catarina opens one of her desk drawers and roots around in it until she brings out a couple pamphlets. From here Magnus can see that one of them has the rainbow flag on it and the other has a teal ribbon on it. “For… information, about moving forward as a gay soldier. The other one is about sexual assault in the military. Give him some pamphlets and maybe he’ll read the sexual assault one and be open about it with his next therapist.”

Next therapist.

The thought makes Magnus feel sick as he leans forward and takes the pamphlets. “It might freak him out. I just wish—”

“No, Magnus,” Catarina stands up. “You need to tell John about your feelings for your patient. Your wishes don’t matter more than his needs. What if he was sexually assaulted and it was by someone of higher authority than him? You’re older, you’re his therapist, and there’s a power imbalance. I’m sorry but you have to tell the boss.”

“I know, I know,” Magnus rises from his chair slowly. “I’m just worried about any setbacks this will cause. I’m scared for him.”

He had no idea how Alec was going to react to this.

Chapter Text

Alec taps his foot against the leg of the table. He wasn’t sure what was taking Dr. Bane so long, but it was making him nervous. It couldn’t have been anything Alec said in the last session? He’d been sort of hinting at what happened with Morgenstern, but he hadn’t felt brave enough to outright say it. Maybe Dr. Bane just wasn’t trained to talk about that sort of thing.

Or maybe it was Alec’s disclosure that he was gay that bothered Dr. Bane? The man had seemed happy that Alec had asked to join the group, but maybe he was just hiding his disgust. There are plenty of people even today that don’t think gay people should be in the military. Maybe Dr. Bane didn’t think he was man enough to have been a soldier.

No, that was just Alec’s paranoia running rampant. Dr. Bane hadn’t made any indication that he was bothered by Alec’s sexuality. In fact, he seemed to not only approve but be happy about it. That was more than Alec ever got from his parents. Maryse had largely accepted it, even if she sometimes lamented about not getting any grandchildren from Alec, but she accepted it. Robert barely tolerated it.

Alec couldn’t imagine what his father would say if he found out about Alec and Morgenstern. Weak? Freak? Alec had consented to it, but he wasn’t entirely sure he really had a choice in the matter. Morgenstern said he could just rape Alec if Alec said no, so did that mean Alec couldn’t truly consent? He didn’t want to call it rape. It was fucked up and Morgenstern crossed about a dozen lines, but Alec said yes. Does that matter?

Maybe he should talk to Dr. Bane about this. He’s already hinted about it. Dr. Bane has already hinted that he thinks something has happened to him. Maybe he should just bite the bullet, tell Dr. Bane what happened, and let him decide whether it was consensual or not. Dr. Bane would know. He already hinted that he knew so… maybe it would help.

Wow, things have changed so quickly. Alec had been so reluctant to come into the office the first time. And the second time. The third time had been easier but still. He didn’t want to be here. Now… Now he wants to be here. Being at home was miserable because he knew his parents and siblings wanted Jace to be home. Maybe they wanted Jace home more than they wanted him home.

Alec knows he’s not being fair to his parents, to Max and Isabelle, but he can’t help feeling like they’d rather have Jace home than him. If one of them had to die… they’d rather it be Alec. He’s the older brother, the smarter one, the more protective one. Shouldn’t Alec have glued himself to Jace’s side to keep him safe? Jace always went headfirst into dangerous situations, and Alec should have known that. Should have stayed right with him. They’d have died together but Alec wouldn’t have left him alone.

This isn’t the first time Alec’s had this thought that his family would rather have Jace back than him. He just hasn’t told anyone yet. Maybe he should tell Dr. Bane. He trusted Dr. Bane. Sometimes he didn’t want to but he did. He felt safe here and especially so because of the doctor. Yeah, he was going to tell him this today.

There’s a light knock on the glass behind Alec and he looks up when the door opens. Dr. Bane smiles at him and moves around the table. “Hey, Alec. How are you doing today?”

“I’m alright,” Alec stops tapping his foot against the table. He clasps his hands in his lap. “How are you?”

“Long day,” Dr. Bane laughs shortly and sits across from Alec. He places a small stack of pamphlets on the table. Alec notices the top one has a rainbow flag on it. “There was something I needed to talk about with you today.”

Alec nods. “Yeah, I wanted to talk about something too.”

“About that,” Dr. Bane clears his throat and he grabs the pamphlets. He hands them across the table towards Alec. “These have information about some of the groups we offer here. I know you said you wanted to join the LGBTQ group and I’ve got you into that one. They meet three times a week down here and I think you’ll really enjoy it. You don’t have to go every day or every week. It’s very relaxed. The others are for your perusal and you can toss them if you’re not interested in them.”

“Okay, I’ll go sometime this week,” Alec sets them down in his lap. “Thank you. I know that I’ve probably been one of your hardest patients to deal with. I haven’t exactly been friendly.”

Dr. Bane chuckles. “Oh, please. I’ve been attacked and literally spit on. You’re a dream compared to some of my clients. You just…” He clears his throat again. “You just needed some time to warm up to the process.”

“Thanks, so I actually wanted to talk to you about something but—”

“Actually,” Dr. Bane interrupts him. “There’s something I need to talk to you about first.”

Alec instantly tenses up. He just knew this was something bad. “What?”

Dr. Bane opens his mouth and shuts it. Opens it and shuts it. Opens it and shuts it. Alec almost shouts at him to just get it over with. Finally, Dr. Bane sighs and says, “I have spoken to the head of my department and it’s been decided that I am not fully qualified to help you with your needs. We believe that a therapist with expertise in alcoholism would be a better fit for you.”

Right. Alec had almost forgotten that he lied and said he was having issues with alcohol. He stares at Dr. Bane as he finishes. “I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent working together but I don’t to take you away from treatment that would be better suited to your needs. I have a few referrals for other therapists that I think would be a better fit. Would you like to talk about them?”

No. No, Alec wouldn’t like to talk about them. What Dr. Bane had just said sounded scripted, and it probably would. It all boiled down to “Your problems are not my problem anymore.” Alec didn’t even know what he did wrong for this to happen but it didn’t matter anymore. He supposed he could reach the same rapport with another therapist but if they could drop him this easily then… he didn’t want to.

“Alec, are you okay?”

No. “Yeah,” Alec stands up and tosses the pamphlets on the table. “I’m fine. I’m better now and don’t need therapy anymore. They should just have clients that actually need it.”

“Please, Alec,” Dr. Bane rises from his seat and holds out his hands palm forward like he’s trying to calm Alec down. “I just don’t think I’m qualified to give you what you need. That doesn’t mean I think you should leave. My friend, Catarina, she’d be happy to take you on as a patient if you just—”

“I said I’m fine,” Alec glances down at the pamphlets and freezes when he sees one sticking out from under the LGBTQ one. It has a teal ribbon on it. Oh. How ironic is it that the thing Alec wanted to ask Dr. Bane about is answered in the worst possible way? “I said I’m fine. It was nice meeting you, Dr. Bane. Have a good day.”

“Alec, please, I didn’t mean to—”

But Alec doesn’t hear what else he has to say. He opens the door and lets it shut behind him. He starts down the hall towards the elevator. Whatever happiness he’d felt when he’d walked by the room with the LGBTQ group was gone this time. The same for the alcohol and narcotics one. He’d lied about needing a group for alcohol issues just to feel out what he actually needed, but it still made him feel like shit anyways.

When he gets to the elevator, Alec clicks the up button rapidly. There are no footsteps coming after him and Dr. Bane isn’t calling after him, but he wasn’t giving the man any chances to try to change his mind. He knew he was acting childishly but he fucking trusted Dr. Bane. Trusted him enough to tell him about what happened with Morgenstern. To ask for help.

Alec’s not sure if he’ll be able to trust any of the other therapists here the same way he’s come to trust Dr. Bane.

So he’s not coming back.

Chapter Text

Normally Magnus loved dressing up for parties. He loved dressing in colorful colors, putting glitter in his hair, and dancing. He really loved to go dancing. Of course, he couldn’t get as dolled up as usual at a military party, ball, or awards ceremony.

Ugh, Magnus didn’t even want to go to the awards ceremony. He wasn’t exactly feeling festive right now, but one of his patients is getting an award, and he’d be damned if he missed something so important.

Magnus looks down at his plain black suit, white shirt, and black shoes. He looks boring. The first time he went to an event like this, he wore a fabulous magenta suit that matched the pink glitter he’d put in his hair. It was awkward.

Don’t ask, don’t tell was repealed years ago, and it never really affected him because he’s not in the military, but Magnus had dealt with the judgmental looks that night and never wore anything like it again to work or an event like this one. There were still those who cared if a soldier was gay, as if that had any bearing on his or her ability to fire a gun.

There were some, very rare, times he wished he hadn’t come out so publicly. Most of his patients couldn’t care less what his sexuality is. Some of them even joked about being his wingmen/women. Others though you could see it when they started to suspect you’re gay. It’s a subtle shift in conversation, sometimes followed by the patient asking for a different therapist. As if Magnus can’t treat a male patient without trying to bone him.

Alec.

Nope, Magnus wouldn’t go there. He would continue living and treating his patients the way he has been doing since the first awards ceremony he went to. If he’s asked if he’s gay then he’ll tell the truth. If not then whatever.

…Maybe he’s a little more affected by don’t ask, don’t tell then he thought he was.

“Stop tugging on your tie,” Catarina’s voice jerks Magnus from his thoughts. He looks across the seats of their cab at her. “You’re going to strangle yourself, Magnus. What’s wrong?”

Magnus eyes the driver before he shakes his head. “We’ll talk about it later.”

He didn’t think it was a good idea to broadcast the fact that he was falling in love with his patient. Former patient. He didn’t think a cab driver would do anything about it, or could do anything about it, but he couldn’t be too sure.

Catarina shakes her head at him and then her eyes light up. A most un-Catarina like thing. “Oh, we’re here!”

Magnus glances out the window at the museum. He had to admit, it looked very nice. There were strings of white Christmas lights all over the place even though it wasn’t Christmas yet. The trees are all decorated in simple white lights too. It was stunning. And he really didn’t want to be here right now.

“Stop being such a sourpuss,” Catarina pays the cabbie and steps out of the cab. He follows her. “You did the right thing, Magnus. Being in love with a patient is not a good thing. Alec will thank you for this one day.”

Magnus gives her a skeptical look. “You didn’t see the look on his face when he walked, or I should say ran, out of that room. He’s not coming back for therapy with another therapist. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have said anything. He was so close to opening up to me about what happened to him and I let him down. What kind of person does that?”

“A good therapist,” They stop at the door and show the doormen their IDs. Magnus follows Catarina inside. “All you can do is hope like hell that he seeks help. It’s not healthy for either of you. He needs someone he can trust without horning in on him and you need to be strictly professional. Neither of you can do that in a session. I’m sorry, but you can’t. What if he realized you wanted to sleep with him? What if he was freaked out by that? You could lose your job and he’s lost faith in all therapists because of you.”

“He’s already lost all faith in therapists because of me,” Magnus mutters, even though he knows deep down that she’s right. They follow a soldier into the main hall where there are dozens of tables covered in white table cloths. They sit down at their designated spots where, Magnus takes a look at the other name cards, other therapists are supposed to sit. “I just wish I could talk to him. You didn’t see the way he looked at me. I’ve never hated myself that much before, Catarina.”

“Well, you’re not his therapist anymore. You legally can tell him that you have feelings for him. If it means that much to you and you really think this will be detrimental to his health. Obviously you can’t be his therapist anymore. You could even tell him tonight.”

Magnus stares at her. “What do you mean I could even tell him tonight? He’s not here.”

Catarina levels a look at him. “Did you look at the list of all the people that are getting awards tonight?”

“No,” Magnus admits. “I’m only here to support my patient. I don’t care too much about the other awards. Besides, Alec was discharged. What award would he be getting?”

“Not Alec,” Catarina places a pamphlet that she must have snagged at the door down on the table. “But his father. Captain Lightwood is receiving the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal. He negotiated the release of two soldiers a couple months ago. Neither of them were his son but both of the soldiers had been missing in action for over three years.”

“That’s good,” Magnus looks around the room at the growing crowded tables. “Do you see Alec? Surely he wouldn’t miss his own father’s awards ceremony.”

“I don’t know what he looks like, Magnus. I’ve never met him.”

Magnus keeps scanning the crowd. Most of the people are sitting down, which makes it easier to see. “He’s tall but not as tall as me. He has black hair and blue eyes. He—”

“Black hair and blue eyes?” Catarina snorts unattractively. “Now I get it. You were helpless to his charms. Why don’t you go to the bathroom or something and look around. You look like a hound sniffing out his prey. You’re starting to attract looks.”

Magnus looks at her with a hurt look. “I’m not a pervert. I just want to know he’s okay. I’m not even sure it’s a good idea for him to know I have feelings for him, especially if he really was sexually assaulted.”

“Just go look for him,” Catarina shrugs. “Look, it’s not illegal for you to enter a relationship with him now that you’re no longer his therapist. His extreme reaction to you dropping him as a patient indicates that there could be something more going on. What if he kills himself because he doesn’t have a therapist to get those big feelings out? You telling him the truth could make him go back to therapy. Whether or not the feelings are mutual.”

“Or it could make him think I’m a huge creep and I’m perving on him,” Magnus points out. “He could report me. I don’t care if he’s not interested in me, Catarina. My ego would take a hit but I’d get over it. I care that he desperately needs therapy and I… I don’t want him to wind up like my father. Admiting the truth to Alec might make him decide therapy is okay after all, even if it’s not with me. Or it could backfire in a massive way. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”

Catarina taps her fingers against her chin. “Normally I’d say you better stay the hell away from him, but… This is a different type of case. He’s strongly bonded with you. So strongly bonded that he was so furious that you dropped him as a patient that he has completely written off therapy for good. In his mind, you’re the only person that made him feel better. Now, I’m not saying the feelings are mutual, but his reaction was intense. You said he was very angry when you took him on as a patient because he didn’t want therapy. Now he wants it so bad but only with you. I think he returns your feelings, but he can’t show it. He’s probably also very embarrassed and thinks you don’t like him or hate him. Mix that in with a potential sexual assault or rape and you have a very angry person. You telling him you have feelings for him might make him uncomfortable, or it might make him realize his attachment in the therapy room isn’t healthy, but something else with you, and another therapist, could be. That’s just my two cents.”

Magnus listens to her quietly. He nods. “I suppose I’ll never know unless I tell him how I feel. I don’t want any setbacks, but I don’t think it can get much worse than it already is. If me telling him that I have feelings for him makes him want to go back to therapy then that’s good. If not then… I could fuck everything up, Cat.”

“Everything is already fucked up, Magnus. This could blow up in your face or not. I truly believe he needs the truth. I wouldn’t advocate for you to tell him the truth unless I believed it. He trusts you.”

He trusts you.

“I’ll be back.”

Magnus rises from his seat and takes one last look out over the crowd. He doesn’t know what the rest of Alec’s family looks like, but he does know Alec is his father’s younger double. He doesn’t see either of them, so he starts back down the hallway towards the entrance hall. He doesn’t get very far before he stops.

They’re in a group. A group of tall, black haired, dark eyed people. The black haired woman looks almost identical to Alec, their mother, and their father, except her eyes are black instead of blue. They couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than family.

Alec looks very uncomfortable in his black suit. His blue tie is askew. Magnus takes a step towards them. “Hey, Alec!”

Chapter Text

Alec tugs impatiently at his tie as his father schmoozes up to some major or general or whoever stopped them as soon as they walked through the doors. He didn’t want to be here. He really didn’t want to be here surrounded by strangers. Strangers who would know that he’s been discharged from the military and that his brother is either dead or a POW.

The bitter pill he has to swallow is knowing that Robert succeeded for two soldiers where he failed for his son. Alec is happy that those two soldiers are now free and with their families, but he knew it tore his father’s heart apart knowing he could do for someone else what he so far hasn’t been able to do for Jace. Jace isn’t safe. Jace isn’t free. Jace isn’t with his family who love him and care for him. Jace might not even be alive.

It's the not knowing that hurts Alec the most. Is Jace dead and they’re hoping and praying for something that is never, ever going to happen? Is Jace alive and at risk of being decapitated every day? Is he alive and having boiling water poured over his face? Is he alive and having his nails pulled off with pliers? Is he mouthing off to his guards or has he charmed them into doing what he wants?

There are a million fears running through Alec’s head every day, wondering what’s happening to a brother he’ll probably never see again. If only Alec had… No, he can’t do that to himself. They got separated and it was no one’s fault but monsters who decided to shoot at a village that had been kind to the soldiers. That’s it. They’d given chocolate coins and water to American soldiers, and they paid for it with their children’s lives.

That little girl…

Alec thought his greatest regret was not keeping his eye on Jace, but that wasn’t it. As terrible as it sounds, Jace is a grownup and knew what he was doing. He chose to go to war knowing what the cost was. That little girl hadn’t signed up for her own people to shoot her through the back as she ran away. And the thing that killed Alec the most was knowing that she’s dead because he followed an order.

Jacob ordered him to let go of the girl and Alec did. He let her go and she died shortly after. Would it have really been so hard to hold her under his arm until the fight was over and look for her parents after? They couldn’t take her with them, but he just let her go…

Maybe letting her go was why they couldn’t find Jace now. It seemed ridiculous and Alec wasn’t a particularly religious man, but he was desperate to hold onto anything he could.

And the last thing he wanted to do right now was celebrate two lucky souls who have suffered what Jace might still be suffering right now.

Isabelle nudges his arm. “You want to get out of here? There’s a club I’ve been dying to go to just four blocks down. It’ll save us from listening to them drone on and on about how amazing dad is.”

“Uh,” Alec eyes their mother, who is acting a thousand times more affectionate with their father than she normally does. Picture perfect family, sans Jace and Max. Max’s absence is normal. The kid didn’t have the attention span to go to an event like this without his face in a book. Jace’s absence is obvious. But Alec, Maryse, and Isabelle? They had to be the perfect doting family of a war hero. “Mother will flay us alive and dump our bodies in the Hudson if we skip dad’s party to go clubbing down the street.”

“She doesn’t have to know,” Isabelle rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her silvery dress. “I can’t believe I got so dressed up for a bunch of old, dour men wearing their badges all puffed out on their chests. I know what they’re compensating for.”

Alec rolls his own eyes. “They earned those badges, Iz. I earned mine and you don’t say that kind of stuff.”

“Because you’re not wearing yours,” Isabelle glances at his coat, which is clear of any of his regalia. “You don’t care about your prizes. All you care about is Jace.”

True. Alec puts his arm around her shoulders and gives her a squeeze. Just then a voice rings out, “Hey, Alec!”

Fuck. Why hadn’t he thought that a military therapist would be at a military awards ceremony? Alec looks down the hall at Magnus. Magnus half-smiles at him. “Could I talk to you for a second?”

“Who is this, Alexander?” Maryse steps up to Magnus and holds out her hand towards him. He takes it and shakes but doesn’t stop looking at Alec. “I’m Mrs. Lightwood. Alexander’s mother.”

“This is Dr. Bane,” Robert shakes Magnus’s hand as well. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out.”

Alec can sense an accusation in his father’s words. It’s clear that Robert thinks it’s Magnus’s fault Alec stopped going to therapy. It… sort of is, but it’s his fault as well. Alec trusted Magnus and that’s his own fault. And not being willing to talk about what happened between him and Morgenstern with another therapist is also his fault. The one thing that’s not his fault is Magnus not wanting to talk about sexual assault.

If that is what happened between him and Morgenstern.

Isabelle glances between all of them. “Why don’t you talk to Dr. Bane, Alec? I’ll escort dad to his throne.”

Robert sighs. “Isabelle, it’s a seat. I don’t know if it’s a good idea—”

“I’ll talk to him,” Alec steps towards Magnus. He didn’t like his parents being so suspicious of Magnus for some reason. “He’s a good doctor. We just weren’t a good fit patient-doctor wise. I’ll join you guys at the table in a few minutes.”

Both Robert and Maryse hesitate, and Isabelle slides her arms through each of theirs, winks at Alec, and force marches them down the hall towards the banquet hall. Magnus chuckles uncomfortably. “Your mom is scarier than your dad is.”

“Yeah,” Alec looks around, frowning. “Come on.”

Magnus follows him down a different hall and into a fancy looking bathroom. Alec locks the door and checks under all the stalls to make sure no one is inside. He whirls around and crosses his arms. “What do you want? I’m not going back to the VA. So if you’re here to beg me to come back then it’s not happening, Magnus.”

“I…” Magnus holds up his hands. “I’m not asking you to go back to the VA. I think it would be good for you, even if you just went to the groups, but I can respect that it might not be the best thing for you.”

Huh. Alec frowns at him. Magnus wasn’t there to beg him to come back? “Then what exactly do we have to say to each other? I’m sure you’ve already figured out that I’m not actually an alcoholic, so you’ve made your feelings about me very clear. You’re disgusted by what happened to me.”

“No!” Alec steps back when Magnus shouts. Magnus sighs and runs his hand down his face. “I’m not disgusted. I don’t know exactly what happened to you, but I do know something happened. I’m qualified to discuss sexual assault with my patients, but not a patient like you.”

Alec’s frown deepens. “Why? Because I’m gay and you’re a man?”

“I’m not doing this right,” Magnus scrubs his hands up and down his face. “Yes, it is kind of because you’re gay and I’m a man. Very loosely it is because of that.”

“Magnus,” Alec fights the urge to throw up his hands and just walk out. He’s never been so confused in his life. “What are you talking about? So you can’t be my therapist because, well, we’re both into guys? Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“I’ve treated gay patients before.”

“So why not me?” Alec’s body has never been so tense before. Not even in the middle of a firefight. “What did I do wrong that makes you not want to treat me anymore?”

“Because I’m in love with you!”

Magnus cups his hand over his mouth as if he could hide something that he’s already let loose. “Oh my god,” He mumbles against his hand, muffled but loud enough for Alec to hear. “I wasn’t supposed to say it like that.”

Alec just stares at him. He knew Magnus was interested in men, but this wasn’t remotely close to what Alec thought was going on. The possibilities he’d been thinking of were his sour demeanor during therapy sessions, Magnus being bothered by the very obvious lie that he’s an alcoholic, and, who knows, maybe some internalized homophobia or something.

The last thing Alec would have thought is… What?

“You love me.”

It’s not a question but Magnus nods. He lowers his hand. “Yeah. I was attracted to you the first time you stepped into my office, but it became more when you started opening up to me. I fought it for as long as I could before I told my boss that I had feelings for you. I could lose my job for being so inappropriate with a patient. Hell, I can lose my job right now if you want me to be fired. I shouldn’t be telling you this at all.”

“So why are you?” Alec’s lips are numb. “Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I don’t want to be…” Magnus looks away and he swallows. He takes a slow breath in and lets it out. “I don’t want to watch another person I love die because they didn’t get the help they need.”

Alec turns his head in confusion. “Did you lose a patient?”

“No,” Magnus shakes his head. “My father needed help and never got it from the VA. They had a super long waitlist because there’s never enough therapists to help the patients. He wound up shooting himself in the head and that was that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So I don’t want you to wind up like him,” Magnus looks back at Alec. “I want you to be happy and safe. You need therapy, and I know that because you were improving with me. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did.”

“It’s not…” Alec takes a step towards Magnus. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t help how you feel. I’m not going to… to… report you or anything. I’m glad you told me. I thought I did something wrong.”

“I don’t think you could ever do anything wrong.”

Alec thinks back to the girl he let go because he was ordered to. “You’d be wrong.”

A roar of applause comes from outside the bathroom and Magnus glances at the door. “You’re missing your dad’s big ceremony.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus reaches for the door handle, but Alec stops him. “You can’t be my doctor.”

“No,” Magnus doesn’t look at him. “I’m sorry. It could be more harmful to you. There’s a whole list of ethical reasons why family members and friends can’t treat each other.”

“But you could find me another therapist,” Alec rocks on the balls of his feet. “Someone who will understand me the way you do. Right?”

“I’ve already asked my friend Catarina if she’ll treat you. She’s never met you so it should theoretically be okay.”

“Okay,” Alec nods. “I’ll try again.”

“Great!” Magnus finally looks back at him and grins. “I’ll let my boss and Cat know.”

Magnus opens the door and Alec clears his throat. “Um… Do you want to sit with us?”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Alec can feel his cheeks start to burn. “And, uh, maybe, if you want, we could go to this stupid club Izzy’s begging me to go to after this. Or maybe get coffee.”

“A club?” Magnus’s eyes brighten and Alec resists a sigh. He’d been hoping more for coffee. “I can’t wait!”

Chapter Text

If someone had told Magnus that he’d reconcile with Alec tonight, he would have told them no way. If that person had said that he’d sit at the Lightwood family table during the award ceremony and get to know Alec’s family, he would say that wouldn’t happen in a hundred years, especially with the cold looks both Robert and Maryse had been giving him earlier. But if that person had said not only would Magnus be going on a date tonight, but also that he’d be going on a date with Alec plus his sister, then, well…

He would have said that person was categorically insane.

But that person would have been right. Magnus would never, in his life, get over Alec’s red-cheeked request for Magnus to join them at the club, or some coffee. He wouldn’t mind going out to get some coffee, and he knows Alec was way out of his comfort zone by asking, but he was even more impressed that Alec asked to go to a club of all things.

This wasn’t because Magnus would much prefer going to a club to sitting in a coffee shop and trying to come up with something to say that didn’t sound like therapist speech.

What made Magnus happiest was seeing Alec being the one to make the suggestion of not just going out, but going out to a club because he knows both Isabelle and Magnus would enjoy it the most. From what Robert had told Magnus’s boss, all Alec does is sit at home and stare at the walls, only sometimes joining the family at the dinner table. Never agreeing to do anything with his siblings or parents if it didn’t involve staying home.

A true picture of depression.

But it was Alec who wanted to go out tonight instead of someone pushing him to. It was Alec who asked Magnus to join them. It was Alec who not only did this but also agreed to more therapy.

Magnus has never felt so fucking proud of someone else in his life.

The music pounds in the background, but it’s not as bad up in the VIP section as it is down on the floor. There are fancy burgundy-colored booths against the wall, a much smaller dancefloor, a small bar, and a glass wall where people can look down on the people below. Magnus was impressed that Isabelle had been able to get them into the VIP section. And it had been hilarious seeing Alec with his pursed lips, finding out that Isabelle can only get into the section because her ex owns the place.

A terrible day was rearing up to be an amazing night. Even though Magnus has spent the majority of the night sitting next to Alec as he continues to pout at Isabelle, who is dancing on the floor with her ex in a not quite ex way.

Magnus takes a sip of his strawberry margarita as he watches Alec try and fail miserably to pretend he doesn’t care that his sister is dancing with her ex. “Alec, you do know she’s a grownup, right?”

“I’m aware of that,” Alec rolls his eyes and taps his beer bottle against the table, but he doesn’t take a drink of it. “I suppose you’re going to call me an overprotective older brother, but you’d get it if you knew what that guy did.”

“He looks kinda boring actually,” Magnus eyes the short, curly brown-haired, brown-eyed, skinny man dancing with Isabelle. “Did he cheat on her? If he did something like hit her or abused her in any other way you would have gone all soldier boy and already thrown him through that glass wall.”

Alec laughs. “I don’t dislike him that much. Besides, if you think I’m a scary soldier boy, you should see her in action. She literally has a bracelet that is actually a whip that she’s used to threaten boys that were creeps in college.”

“Wait,” Magnus looks from Alec to Isabelle and her ex and back to Alec. “She has a whip that she disguises as a bracelet? Has she ever actually used it on people?”

“Yeah, the whip cost something like six thousand dollars. It’s made out of gold, and it looks like an actual bracelet until you unwind it,” Alec takes a small swallow of his beer before putting it down. “Our parents thought it was ridiculous, but she also stocked up on pepper spray and pocketknives. Can’t be too careful with all those crazies out there, and those crazies aren’t expecting a woman to pull out a six-thousand-dollar whip to hit them with. She says she’s never actually hit someone with it but… I mean, would she really tell me the truth about that?”

Magnus snorts. “So, what did the ex do? Did he cheat?”

Alec nods and he finishes up his beer. “Yeah, he was stringing along another woman while he was with my sister. Neither of them knew about the other. So, he stupidly invited both of them to the same event, and they found out about each other, and they both dumped him at the same time. Jace and I were on base a few states away and couldn’t exactly leave to come kick Simon’s ass. I’m pretty sure if she’s ever hit someone with that whip, it would be him.”

“Wow,” Magnus chuckles. “That’s pretty ballsy of him, and stupid if he forgot which event he was inviting which girlfriend to. It looks like they’re getting pretty chummy now though.”

“Yeah,” Alec says slowly and looks over at Isabelle again. “She told me before I went overseas that she thought she loved him but was too afraid to say it. You may not have noticed this but, you know, you’re a therapist, so you probably should have noticed it, but our family isn’t exactly skilled at open communication.”

Magnus gives Alec a sarcastic shocked look. “No, really? I would have never guessed that about you guys. Thank you for your honesty.”

“I know we’re not very good about that,” Alec admits. “Um, so, you know something about me that I’m only just now starting to figure out. That teal flag thing.”

Fuck. Magnus looks around the room. There weren’t a lot of people here, and there was no one sitting in the booths next to theirs, but he would have never guessed they’d be having this conversation in a club of all places. “Are you sure you want to talk about this here? Surely there are better places to do it.”

Alec shrugs and he looks over the dancers’s heads at the glass wall. His jaw is tight. “I might not have the courage to talk about it later, and if we’re going to see where this is going to go, then you need to know things about me that might make you change your mind about this.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Magnus says immediately. “Whatever happened to you is not your fault. I’m not the kind of man that blames a…” He decides to just go with it. “A rape victim for their rape.”

“Okay,” Alec crosses his arms. He looks exactly like he did their first therapy session. “Can you ask me questions like you do in therapy? I’m not asking you to be my therapist, but I think it’ll be easier to say this if you ask instead.”

Magnus isn’t sure if the pounding in his head is his heartbeat or the music. “Why don’t we go outside and sit in the car? Are you sure—”

“I can’t do it out there,” Alec finally looks at him. His blue eyes are serious and shiny. “I can’t be in an enclosed space with a closed door with an authoritative figure. You’re not that anymore, and I know you’re not going to do anything to me, but this has to be out in the open. I don’t know why.”

“I get it,” Magnus doesn’t like that therapy-speak might be creeping into whatever their relationship is becoming, but he can’t always help it, and Alec is asking him for this. “Did it happen the last time you were overseas? Before you were discharged and Jace went MIA?”

“Yes, yes, and no.”

Magnus frowns, and Alec explains, “Yes, it happened overseas. Yes, it was before I was discharged. No, it wasn’t before Jace went MIA. It happened the day after.”

“And it is…” Magnus doesn’t want to say it. “Rape?”

“I’m not sure,” Alec’s fingers dig into his arms. Magnus wants to reach over and touch him, but he can’t do that. Not like this. “I didn’t exactly say no. I kinda just let it happen. I was still kind of reeling from losing Jace.”

Magnus wants to kill the person that did this. Someone took advantage of a man who just lost his fucking brother to either death or torture. Those were the only fates that Jace faced, and someone took advantage of that to get off. Magnus wanted to personally cut the guy’s dick off. “Is he someone that outranked you?”

“Yes.”

“Your sergeant?”

Alec shakes his head and mutters a quick no, and Magnus could tell that he was grinding his teeth. He knew the lieutenant colonel in Alec’s unit, but she’s a woman. The only other person Magnus could think of was a war hero. He’s gone overseas more times than Magnus has fingers and, quite possibly, toes. “Commander Morgenstern?”

There is no answer, but by the way Alec’s face pales, Magnus knows that he’s right. The music changes to a rap song, and his foot taps rapidly to the beat. His blood pounds in his head. He wants to do nothing more than murder Valentine Morgenstern. “You didn’t want it?”

Alec shakes his head again, but this time he opens his mouth and says something so quietly that Magnus has to lean forward. “What?”

“He said,” Alec clears his throat. “He said if I didn’t do what he wanted, he could just rape me. So I did what he wanted. It even felt good. He said since I came that I must have wanted it deep down.”

“No,” Magnus digs his nails into his thighs. He was going to kill Morgenstern. “Your body reacted to stimuli. You did not say yes. You made no indication that you wanted it, and even worse, he threatened to just straight up rape you if you didn’t comply. That’s coercion and manipulation, and what he did is wrong and illegal.”

Alec’s quiet for a few minutes as he continues to stare out at the dancefloor, but Magnus isn’t sure if he can actually see it right now. He finally looks back at Magnus. “I wanted to forget it happened. He’s my commander and there was no proof of it. But I don’t think I can just bury it anymore. I think it’s killing me slowly.”

“Do you…” Magnus hesitates. “Do you want to press charges?”

“I don’t know,” Alec bites his bottom lip. “There’s no proof so it won’t go anywhere, but I do want to confront him about it. I’ve already lost Jace and tanked my entire career by having a mental breakdown. What else do I have to lose?”

“You’re so brave, Alec,” Magnus leans forward again. “You’re so fucking brave. I’m so proud of you.”

Alec’s lips start to twitch into a tentative smile just as a big pitcher of some kind of green alcohol is set down in between them. Isabelle stands over them and laughs. “If you guys haven’t started dancing yet, you need to talk less and drink more! Come and dance with me, Alec!”

The look of horror that crosses Alec’s face is hysterical, and Magnus laughs as he watches Isabelle tug on his arm. From hers jiggles a gold chain. Alec was totally helpless with her.

And Magnus was helplessly falling in love with the other man.

Chapter Text

Alec picks at his plate. He should be hungry, he hasn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours, but he can’t keep the stomach-churning nausea from happening every time he opens his mouth around either of his parents. The bravery of last night seems to have completely disappeared today. That isn’t entirely shocking. Magnus makes him feel brave in a way his parents don’t, never have, never could.

Maybe it’s because this house has felt so… empty since Jace disappeared.

Not that the house is empty. Max is a steady presence, but the boy has never been more quiet, and he was always pretty quiet before. He hides behind his books and his video games and his toys. His favorites now are the ones Jace would read to him or play with him.

Isabelle’s been gone more often than she’s here, but she gets her comfort now from her ex-boyfriend rather than her sad, moping family. But… the last couple of weeks she’s been here more often. She claims she’s not having a fight with Simon, even though Alec thinks it might not be so bad if she is, just so Simon will leave her alone, but Alec thinks this is more because the house is slightly more happier because of Alec’s therapy. Maybe. Just a little.

While Robert isn’t a steady presence in the house, Maryse is. Robert hides at work, and sometimes Alec thinks Maryse would like to as well, Maryse has taken the lead in making sure their family doesn’t crumble into ash. She cooks, she cleans, she orders them around if they don’t do their chores and she makes sure Max goes to the park at least a couple times a week. All things she did before, but now there’s a strain to it. As if she doesn’t do it, they’ll completely fall apart without her. Maybe they will.

Maybe they will.

Alec looks up when Isabelle laughs at something Maryse says that Alec hadn’t heard. He studies both of them. Is Isabelle laughing more than usual? Is Maryse’s face slightly less tense than it normally is? Even Max is playing with a toy instead of hiding behind a book while he eats. Things are looking up. Even without Jace. Things would never be the same again, but they are looking up. Hopefully Jace would forgive them, wherever he is. Alec refuses to say they’re moving on without Jace, because there’s no such thing as moving on without Jace, but they are healing.

A little bit.

“You should have seen him dancing,” Isabelle giggles. “He was just sort of swaying from side to side and his arms were so stiff,” She winks at Alec. “But Magnus got him to move a little bit more.”

“Magnus?” Maryse interrupts. “Do you mean Dr. Bane?”

“Oh, no,” Isabelle’s grin turns into one that would make the Cheshire Cat proud. “I mean Magnus. Alec asked him out on a date.”

“A date?” Maryse’s black eyebrows disappear in her hairline. “I know he’s not your therapist anymore, Alec, but it’s inappropriate for the two of you to date. Perhaps your father should report—”

“No!” Alec yells so loud that even Max looks up from his toys. He lowers his voice. “I mean, no, I don’t want him to be reported. I was the one who asked for a date. He ended our professional relationship because he developed feelings for me. He tried to put distance between us and I… well, I like him, a lot. So I asked him for coffee or to go to the club with me and Isabelle, and he said he’d like to go to the club. It hasn’t moved beyond one date. He set me up with another therapist.”

Maryse still looks concerned. “I’m not sure how your father is going to feel about this, Alec. To the… average observer, it may look like Magnus took advantage of you when you were in need.”

Took advantage of you when you were in need.

Alec can’t help but think of Valentine Morgenstern. No, Magnus hasn’t taken advantage, but someone else has. “Mom,” He says slowly. “Can I talk to you about something after dinner? Just us, alone?”

Maryse’s eyebrows knit together, and Alec can’t decide if she looks more worried or annoyed. “Of course, Alexander. Is everybody done?”

Max grabs his plate. “Can I go play my game?”

Maryse makes a face. Alec and Isabelle grin at each other. Video games have always been a point of contention between Maryse, Robert, and Jace, and now, apparently, Maryse, Robert, and Max. Maryse sighs. “Fine, but when I come up in an hour your homework had better be done, correctly, or I will give the Xbox away, clear?”

“Crystal,” Max hurries out of the room with his plate. “Bye!”

“Is it…” Isabelle looks from Alec to Maryse and back to Alec again. “Is it okay if I stay, Alec?”

Alec hesitates. He wants to tell people, other than Magnus, but he’s not sure he’s ready to tell Isabelle yet. She’s always looked up to him. He couldn’t stand it if… if… she thought lesser of him or thought he was weak for this. He knows she won’t do that, but there’s still a small part of him that fears that. “Not right now. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Isabelle picks up her plate and piles Alec and Maryse’s on top of hers. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

The door barely clicks behind Isabelle before Maryse is moving around the table. She sits in Robert’s frequently empty spot and turns the chair so she faces him. “What’s wrong? Does this have anything to do with Dr. Bane?”

“No,” Alec shakes his head but stops mid-shake. “Well, yes, but in the way you’re thinking.”

“What way do you mean?”

Alec looks away from her. He takes in the empty seat that has never been filled since Jace died or was taken. Jace would want him to talk about this. “Magnus gave me the courage to tell him something that happened to me overseas.”

“What happened?”

Embarrassment fills Alec. He’s not sure he’ll ever not be embarrassed when he thinks about what happened between him and Morgenstern. He didn’t want it, he doesn’t want it now, but he still felt pleasure from it. That’s what’s been toying with his head for so long. He came. He enjoyed it. And yet somehow that was still rape. He’s not even sure he entirely understands it.

“Alec? You can tell your father and I anything. You know that right?”

“Uh,” Alec scoffs and looks at her. “Really? I ‘told’ you I was gay by kissing my first boyfriend in front of you. And where is dad? He’s never here. How can I tell him anything?”

“That’s not fair,” Maryse presses her lips together. “Your father is trying to bring back Jace. He’s not out somewhere enjoying himself while we suffer here.”

“But he is out of the house and away from us when we need him the most,” Alec frowns at her. “You haven’t forgotten to be a parent while also suffering from Jace’s loss. Why can’t he also be a parent to the children he still has? I don’t want him to stop looking for Jace. I never want him to stop looking for Jace, but Isabelle and I and Max need our dad too. I’ve gotten to a place where I’m comfortable telling the only parent I still have left what happened to me, but not him.”

Maryse opens her mouth, likely in defense of her husband, but Alec holds up his hand. “I don’t… I love him, mother. I do. He’s a good dad, but he’s the last person I want to tell this to. I don’t know how he’ll react because I feel like I don’t really know him anymore. But you… I think I know how you’ll react, so I… I just need to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything,” Maryse puts her hand on the table, close to his, but not touching. She’s allowing him to move forward, to touch, or not. He’s in control for one of the first times in his life. “And you can tell your father anything too, but I understand why his silence makes you think otherwise. What’s wrong?”

Alec looks away from her, but he doesn’t take his hand off the table. He decides to just… to just say it. To rip the bandaid off. “Mom, the day after… the day after Jace was taken, my commanding officer called me into his office and he,” He clears his throat. “He raped me.”

What Alec expects is rage. Shouting, glaring, screaming rage. Instead, Maryse is quiet. More quiet than he’s ever heard her in her life. He finally gains the courage to look at her.

Maryse stares back at him, wide-eyed, and shocked. Her chest heaves, and that’s the only way Alec can tell that she’s angry. Her eyes narrow as he looks at her. “Commander Morgenstern?”

“Yeah,” Alec nods quickly and looks away from her. “Yes. He told me that if I didn’t consent to have sex with him, that he’d just rape me. So I did it.”

“That’s rape,” Maryse’s voice shakes. Alec’s never heard her so angry before. “That’s rape. I could kill him. I’m going to kill him for this. Alec, your father needs to know about this.”

Alec nods again, slower this time. He knows this wasn’t something they could keep away from Robert. Maryse is raring for justice, and so is Magnus, and so is… Alec. He wants what happened to be made right. “Mom, I’m afraid of Morgenstern.”

“I understand,” Maryse moves her hand along the table until their hands are only a millimeter apart. Alec can feel the heat coming from her fingers. “But what he should be afraid of is me, and your father, and you. He should be afraid of you.”

Alec looks her in the eye. “Really?”

“Yes,” Maryse smiles, but Alec can see the anger there in her eyes, boiling beneath the surface. “You’re brave, kind, wise, and a hero, a true hero. You’re everything he’s not, and you still keep marching on even though you’re scared. That’s what a true person does in life. Do you want to fight him? I can’t give you back Jace, but I can fight to get back your sense of safety. Which I think you haven’t had since Jace was… whatever happened to him.”

“Yeah,” Alec exhales loudly. “Yeah, I want to fight. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if he’s done this to someone else. And I won’t be able to forgive myself if I don’t make it clear what he did to me is wrong.”

Yes, they were going to fight.

Chapter Text

Magnus stretches in his seat in his office, and he smiles down at his notes. It was a good day, busy, but good. And he was going on another date with Alec. Everything was looking great.

Well, except for knowing what happened to Alec. He isn’t sure how he’s going to be able to just sit on this knowledge. Part of him wants to wait to see what Alec wants to do, and part of him wants to hunt Morgenstern down and tear him limb from limb. It was a gross breach of trust, and Magnus has never been so angry at another person in his life.

Neither has he ever been so proud of someone too. Having a heart-to-heart confession in a club wasn’t what Magnus expected of the other night, but he’s proud of Alec for coming clean about what happened. It was so brave. So fucking brave of the other man.

What’s going to happen now though? Magnus knows Alec’s seriously considering pressing charges, but Magnus knows from experience that it is going to be a very long, very hard road, and Alec has no proof Morgenstern did this. Morgenstern is a very powerful commanding officer. How can they possibly beat him?

Magnus’s phone dings and he pulls it out of his pocket. He smiles when he sees the text is from Alec.

I told my mom.

The smile on Magnus’s face widens. No way! He knew Alec was considering pressing charges, but he didn’t know Alec was this ready to tell his parents. His phone dings again.

We’re going to tell my dad tonight. I’m pressing charges. Can you tell Miss Loss? I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable with her yet before the trial.

Magnus fist bumps the air and shouts, “Yes!”

He is so fucking proud of his… well, he’s not sure what they are right now. They’ve gone on one date and are planning on going on another in a couple days. That didn’t make them boyfriends, but it’s what he wants. He’s already told his boss about his feelings for Alec and Alec reciprocating them, and that Catarina is taking over as Alec’s therapist. Everything was looking up.

The only thing Magnus is worried about is how Morgenstern is going to take this. The man is dangerous, powerful, and has even more powerful friends. What will happen if… if he gets away with it? If he gets to keep his fancy job with his cushy benefits while Alec suffers for the rest of his life? Discharged and an accuser of one of the most powerful men in the military.

Someone knocks on the door and opens it before Magnus can open his mouth. Catarina steps into the room and waves a folder at him. “I’ve got Alec scheduled for an appointment for Wednesday. We can’t talk about anything you’ve discussed with him, but you said he can’t have the door closed during a session. I want to try to make sure he’s comfortable with me right from the start.”

“Yeah,” Magnus slides his phone back into his pocket. “But you’re not a man, so it might be easier for him to be alone with you. If he has a problem, take him downstairs to one of the empty conference rooms. He likes the ceiling to floor windows so you two can have privacy, but you can be seen by other people. I got him into a couple of the group meetings, but you might want to take him out of the alcoholics one. He’s not an alcoholic. That was just a…” He’s not sure what he’s technically allowed to tell her. “A…”

Catarina sighs. “I knew this was going to get weird. I shouldn’t have even taken him on as a patient because I know you so well, but I didn’t like the idea of him going on a list and possibly being judged by the other therapists that find out you developed feelings for him. Okay, I know he’s been sexually assaulted, I know he’s not an alcoholic, and I know he has a fear of being in an enclosed space with a man. Anything else I can learn on my own. Okay?”

“Okay,” Magnus says slowly. “I think, uh, you should know that—”

“Don’t you dare,” Catarina points at him threateningly. “The only thing you should be telling me is how cute he looks in blue, even though I genuinely couldn’t care less how he looks. If you two decide to have a therapy session together then we can talk about whatever you want to say, but until then, zip it.”

“He asked me to tell you this because he’s not comfy talking about it with you yet,” Magnus rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t break his confidence unless he asked. He wants to press charges against the person who sexually assaulted him, and, uh, well, it’s one of his commanding officers.”

“Damnit,” Catarina gets a stoney look on her face. “That takes guts, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know if I’d have the courage to go against a commanding officer like that. Does this man have friends?”

“Oh, yeah. Decorated officer and has won lots of awards. Respected by everyone, apparently. Alec told me a couple nights ago when we went out on a date.”

Catarina’s brow rises. “So you actually did it? I’m surprised you haven’t told me yet and acted all cocky.”

Magnus resists the urge to roll his eyes again. “Yes, we went on a date. It wasn’t a normal date because he told me what happened to him, but it was a date. And… we’re planning on a second date. I… Cat.”

“You love him,” Catarina surprises him by smiling. “I can see you love him. I’m happy for you, as long as you don’t bother me all the time about how pretty his eyes are or what you should get him for his birthday. I’m too busy for all that.”

“You have the same job I do!” Magnus laughs though. “And I can’t help it if Alec’s got the most gorgeous blue eyes in the—”

The door opens and their boss, John, taps on it. “You guys might want to come upstairs. There’s a commander visiting in the gym. One of his boys was injured overseas and he’s come by to give everyone a bit of moral support. I’m sure he’d like to say hi to some of our esteemed therapists.”

“Alright,” Magus stands up and gestures at Catarina. “I don’t see another patient for half an hour. You?”

“Me either. I’d like to talk to him if he’ll give us the time.”

The three of them walk down the hallway towards the elevator. Catarina and John chat about John’s wife and kids, but Magnus doesn’t join in the conversation. He ponders the entire ride up to the fifth floor. Catarina is right that what Alec is doing is going to take guts, and the person Alec’s accusing is a war hero. He joined the day he turned eighteen and has won awards for his service. He’s got many friends in the military and outside of it. Police, firefighters, paramedics. Morgenstern has made sure to be friends with…

Everyone.

It even borders on manipulative, and Magnus wonders if Morgenstern has prepared for something like Alec’s accusation. He even wonders… if this is the first time, or if Alec is just the first one to come forward.

They step off the elevator and walk down the hall towards the gym. Before John even opens the door, Magnus can hear a deep, powerful laugh. “That’s him, Magnus and Cat. He’s probably got everyone in there laughing. I’ve never met anyone quite like him.”

John pushes the door open, and Magnus freezes as soon as he steps into the room.

Valentine Morgenstern is across the room, standing next to a physical therapist and a group of soldiers. They’re all chatting amicably, joking around, even laughing with him. Some of these soldiers Magnus hasn’t seen laugh… ever.

Magnus squeezes his hands into fists as John steps away from them and towards Valentine. The two of them clap each other on the shoulders. Catarina looks back and forth between Magnus and Valentine. “You’re joking.”

“No,” Magnus needs to leave. He needs to leave before he flies off the handle and beats that man to death. Even though he knows what would really happen is Valentine snapping him like a twig, but the desire is still hot. “I’m not joking.”

“That man has three Bronze Stars, Magnus!” Catarina hisses. “Not one, not two, but three! He has a mountain of other medals and other decorations. That man is going to become a general one day! You have no idea the political associations he has. He has golfed with the president. He has never been guilty of so much as jaywalking. Please tell me you have video or photographs or DNA evidence.”

Magnus stares at Catarina. She sighs. “Okay. I guess we’re going to war against someone who can get us fired and make us homeless eating garbage fries under an overpass.”

“At least we’ll be in good company,” Magnus watches Morgenstern schmooze up to John and the other therapists and the soldiers. “If we lose, I might actually kill him.”

“Great. Just great.”