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The queen had been adamant that Cerberus should be a good boy and stay on his absolute best behaviour. Cerberus had huffed and puffed and swished his tail, but he hadn’t thought much of the promise—until a purple-haired god wearing strange furs had invaded his privacy.
"I mean, it's just not fair, y’know?" Dionysus sloshed a bit of ambrosia on Cerberus’ blanket. One of Cerberus' heads growled softly. The god didn't seem to notice. "I mean, he died! After I made him a promise 'n everything! It’s just not right, it just isn't..."
Dionysus trailed off, quiet for a minute. Very quiet. What a curious creature, Cerberus thought and sniffed at him. Had he fallen asleep? It was uncommon that anyone dared approach him, much less lie down at his paws like this.
A cautious lick across the god's face proved that what he had drunk was absolutely delicious. Before Cerberus could bury his nose in the goblet full of the liquid, the god snapped back into consciousness.
"Hey, whoa there, furball, I'm not sharing my glass with you!"
After a moment's contemplation, Dionysus poured a splash onto the tiles, a hiccup causing him to spill on his fingers as well. "Yeah, that’s right, buddy, bet you don't get ambrosia every day, am I right or am I right?"
Cerberus lapped up the golden liquid–ambrosia, like what the prince had given him? It was good, but not quite satyr sack levels of good. He imagined the sweet stench arising from the sacks, how it’d crunch between his teeth but be gooey on the inside. Just the thought made his mouths water and a drop of drool the size of a fist landed on the god’s shoulder.
"Augh, gross. That's what I get for being nice, huh?" Dionysus peered up at Cerberus, nose scrunched up in distaste. “You’re ruining this perfectly good cape, you know that?”
Cerberus paid him no mind. The satyr sacks were all the way at the surface and the prince was at home–the chances of anyone else granting Cerberus that particular treat was very slim. The ambrosia would have to do as a late day-or-night snack, and he sniffed at the goblet again.
“Hey hey hey, I said stop that!” Dionysus pushed one of his snouts away with a wet hand, and Cerberus growled. The purple one was testing the limits of his patience; the ambrosia was delicious and right there!
The scent of straw and soil wound through the air, familiar and pleasant. Any thought of ambrosia vanished from his mind immediately and Cerberus lowered his hackles, his tail thumping against the floor.
“Dionysus?”
The god lounging at Cerberus’ paws turned his body slowly at the sound of Persephone’s voice. “Wow buddy, you calmed right down, you really like Kore, huh?”
Persephone chuckled. “Oh, Cerberus was a darling little thing when I first got here. He was a ball of angry, red fluff that never veered from my side.” She moved to scratch the head that enjoyed that sort of thing. “He rarely likes other people though; I’m surprised he’s allowed you to sit this close.”
Dionysus stared at Cerberus, from his paws to the tall tip of his ears, and he wobbled a bit. “Huh. He sure is a big ball of fluff now. It really has been a long time since you left, hasn’t it, Kore?”
She nodded softly, a sad smile on her lips. “It certainly has, cousin. And it’s Persephone now, if you recall.”
“Oh. My apologies… Persephone.” His voice turned quiet for a moment. “I missed you, you know. Olympus is a dull place without you to spread a bit of cheer, you always had a knack for taking our minds off who did what horrendous thing last.” He smiled wildly, gesturing at the empty room. “And our trips to the mortals! The praise they sang when they saw us together! Remember when you joined me for the Dionysia? Man, what a blast! None of those mortals ever saw a finer feast!”
“It has been less colourful without you, cousin,” Persephone laughed. “Not to worry, we’ll have occasion to show them soon. My mother insists that I visit her on Olympus now and again.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t mind spending time with a select few Olympians, though.”
Dionysus’ face split into a wide smile for a second before it fell. “Hah! The sad little things they call grapes these days would make you recoil in horror. Your mother–” Dionysus cut himself off and squinted at the corridor leading to the feast. He continued in a lower voice. “Your mother hasn’t been kind to the harvest for a few centuries.”
Persephone’s mouth turned to a tight line. “I know. We’ll set it right, don’t worry.”
“Ariadne says it’s not fair, y’know? She has a soft spot for mortals, which is to be expected and all, but I do believe she’s right, the harvests failing and everything… it can’t be good for them,” Dionysus shook his head, purple locks sticking to his face, wet with ambrosia and dog spittle.
“My mother is as stubborn as an old goat. And far less forgiving, I’m afraid.”
Cerberus whined. The queen was rarely in a bad mood, and if Cerberus couldn’t be in a bad mood tonight, how come she could? He nudged her arm and she turned to him, absentmindedly reaching up to scratch his neck. She buried her hands in his fur and let out a sigh.
“But the lovely Ariadne—I’ve heard so much about her, what is she like?”
Dionysus sighed dramatically and fell backwards onto the blanket once again. He covered his eyes with a muscular arm, flinging his goblet onto the floor. “Oh, Ariadne–she’s wonderful!”
While the gods were busy with their antics, Cerberus busied himself with the spilt ambrosia.
Persephone bent towards Dionysus, peering at the theatrical display with a teasing smile. “Why my friend, I’ve never seen you like this–I have a feeling she might be too good for you!”
The sound of footsteps cut through their laughter, and Cerberus finished with the ambrosia as the prince came to a sliding stop.
“Oh,” Zagreus said dumbly. “Dionysus, sir. Uh. Sorry. Mother, Nyx asked me to find you, she wanted… I’ll uh. I’ll go tell her that–”
“Nonsense!” Dionysus laughed and spread his arms wide. “You come bearing ambrosia, my young cousin–stay, stay!”
Persephone rose. “Zagreus,” she said and went to kiss his cheek. Cerberus sniffed at the prince. He usually smelled of sweat and pomegranates, but now his scent was covered by a host of other aromas–the Olympians. It made his noses tickle.
“Duty calls, I’m afraid. Dionysus, I’ll look forward to seeing you and Ariadne when I visit Olympus,” she inclined her head towards Dionysus and touched Zag’s shoulder as she left.
Zagreus busied his hands with petting Cerberus, and after a moment the prince chuckled. “Y'know, I bought a Yarn of Ariadne from Charon once and Theseus got rather upset when he saw it. Any relation?”
“My wife,” Dionysus’ smile turned dreamy. “You simply must hear the story, Zag, you simply must. So, there's this girl, right. Cute little thing, just adorable, and she's absolutely head over heels for this bloke, good-looking fellow who goes by Theseus greatest king of Athens if you ask him, you know what he’s like."
Zagreus laughed bitterly. “Right. Guy’s a real piece of work.”
Cerberus didn't, in fact, know what Theseus was like, but he found it difficult to care. With a final sniff at Zagreus and the half-hearted petting he was receiving, he grumbled and laid down his heads.
Dionysus took a sip of the ambrosia before offering it to Zagreus. After a moment's hesitation, Zagreus sat down on the other side of one of Cerberus’ snouts and accepted the goblet. Cerberus had always known that Zagreus was a tiny thing, but seeing him next to the god of wine, he was a runt, really. Just like himself, Cerberus supposed.
"So, my girl here gives him a ball of yarn and helps this guy save the city from a monster or some nonsense like that, and then… The whole thing was a bit messed up, honestly, the monster was her brother after all. A bit daft, Ariadne. Don't let her know I said that, hah! But anyway, she follows this guy across the sea and then he just leaves her! Who does that?!"
Cerberus flicked one of his ears, and Dionysus took that as a response before Zagreus could interject a word. "Yeah, exactly! Hero indeed! So, I pick her up and oh man–she's stunning. Godlike, really, only Aphrodite is fairer, and–" Dionysus lowered his voice to a loud whisper, leaning over conspiratorially "–honestly I'm just saying that so she won't get mad at me." He took a drink before continuing.
"Anyways, Zag, I know you like to fight the guy whenever you get the chance, and you know what man, your banter is stupid, I hate to say it but Theseus is way better at it than you.”
“Hey, that’s not–”
Directed at Cerberus, Dionysus leaned down, cutting off Zagreus’ indignant reply. “You should go watch it sometime, I’m not sure if you’ll fit in the arena, but hey–if they can fit Theseus’ ego in the arena, they should be able to make room for you as well!”
With a laugh, Dionysus continued. “Anyways, this jerk leaves my Ariadne on an island, all by herself, no ship, no food, no nothing, and now my dad makes me help the guy!"
Dionysus gesticulated wildly with his arms, grazing Cerberus' paw, and Cerberus let out a growl.
"Yes, exactly! I tried talking to him, I said "dad, this won't do, it just won't do, you're upsetting my wife" and he just laughed at me!”
He pointed a finger at Zagreus. “You know, Zag, man, I really am sorry about helping the guy, but it’s out of my hands, you know?”
Zagreus shrugged. “It’s fine, sir, I figured as much. Dads, huh?”
“Cheers to that, mate, cheers to that. I wouldn’t like to try my hand with Hades though, how do you go about knocking some sense into him?”
Zagreus barked a laugh. “Dionysus, sir. Mate. I literally tried to run away from home forever because of my dad. You should ask my mum instead of me,” he took another sip before passing the drink back to Dionysus.
“So, how’d you make up? The two of you seemed pretty cosy at the table.”
“Mum told us to play nice. Put aside our differences and play the happy family.” Zagreus paused and tilted his head, his eyes swimming drunkenly. “Probably shouldn’t tell you that, huh?”
“It’s all good, man, you’ll fit in right proper with the rest of us. Can’t have anyone actually liking each other up there.”
They fell quiet for a moment, the only sound between them their breathing. Cerberus closed his eyes, eager for all the chit-chat to be done with. Before long, Dionysus let out a laborious sigh and the giant hound cracked open an eye again.
“Well, that’s not true, at least Ariadne likes me,” Dionysus swished the goblet, peering into the bit of golden liquid still pooled at the bottom. “‘Dite told me that you have a few someones as well?”
Zagreus nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Meg and Than. They’re amazing–brilliant both of them. I still can’t believe that I got that lucky, it’s a wonder they put up with me.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, man!” Dionysus pointed at him with a large, uncoordinated finger. “Even though you are a bit short, aren’t you…” he shook his head, “that’s not the point, the point is that you’re a catch, Zag! A bonafide catch, and I sure hope that both of your people know that and–” he hiccuped. “And if they don’t, tell me. I’m sure we can find a way to make their lives difficult, don’t ya think?” There was a grim set to his eyebrows.
“Wow, sir, please don’t,” Cerberus huffed at Zagreus’ wide-eyed look. “They know, I promise!”
For a moment, Dionysus looked as if he would pursue the imagined slight, but eventually, he shrugged, a big, expansive gesture. “If you say so, Zag, but the offer stands.”
“... thanks, mate.”
Much to Cerberus’ pleasure, both men fell quiet, their breaths turning slow and steady. Before long, their snores filled the air.
Cerberus heard the two new gods long before the ones sleeping at his paws woke. The scent of roses wound its way into his snouts, and Cerberus sneezed.
“Blood and darkness, boy,” Zagreus grumbled and rolled onto his side, hugging Cerberus’ paw.
“Why Zagreus, you look quite the little treat there,” Aphrodite’s sweet voice filled the air, and Cerberus had never seen the prince rise quite as quickly.
“Lady Aphrodite! Lord Ares! M-my apologies,” Zagreus ran his hand through sleep mussed hair.
“Whatever for, little godling?” Aphrodite ran her finger across Zagreus’ jaw, tilting his face up. “We’ve had a delightful time, but alas. Dawn is near.”
“It is?” Zagreus asked dumbly.
Ares kicked Dionysus lightly. “Time to go, brother.”
A mumble arose from the pile of furs, “‘m fine, I’ll jus–” but it turned into a snore before he finished.
Ares shook his head. “By the stars, how did Ariadne talk me into carrying you home?”
That woke up Dionysus, and with a start, he attempted to sit up. “Ariadne?!” He blindly reached out and Ares grasped his hand, pulling him to a wobbly upright position. Dionysus slung an arm over Ares’ shoulder, the two men towering over Zagreus. Neither of them would be tall enough to look Cerberus in the eye if he rose to his full height, Cerberus thought smugly.
“Womanly wiles, Ares dear. Ta ta, princeling,” with a flourish, Aphrodite kissed Zagreus’ cheek before she vanished around the corner, closely followed by Ares half-carrying Dionysus.
“See–see you around, mate! Give Theseus a thrashing for me, will ya?” Dionysus’ laugh turned into a hiccup.
Zagreus stared after them for a long moment before scratching Cerberus’ cheek. “I suppose that’s my cue to go to bed as well, huh boy? Don’t think I’ll be going out tonight.”
He chuckled. “Who knows, maybe I’ll run into Than or Meg on my way to my room… Sure could use some company tonight, y’know?” With a final pat, he turned to stumble towards his chambers.
Cerberus heard a distant gong sound ahead of the prince, and with a soft shake of his heads, he laid down again, pleased with the silence. Silly gods.