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Dazai never realized how much his life could change in a few minutes, until it did. 

Dazai was born into a Japanese-American family. His mother was born and raised in America, and his father met her on a business trip for his company. Their marriage was less about love, and more a business transaction. 

Growing up, Dazai was expected to take over the family business once he got older. So, he had to learn a variety of different languages for foreign communication. He learned Japanese from his father, English from his mother, and other languages from tutors. 

Dazai wasn’t stupid, far from it. He could tell that the company was beginning to go bankrupt. He could see it happening right before his eyes. 

It started with his parents looking more stressed than usual. Next, the housekeepers and maids started disappearing, one by one. Then, he noticed little objects and articles of clothing going missing, and he assumed that they were sold. Finally, men in black suits started to come over. They would have long conversations with his parents, and occasionally they would give his parents cash or a check. Whenever Dazai asked who they were talking to or what they were talking about, he was always met with the same answer. 

“It’s none of your business, leave it to the adults.”

But Dazai knew what was going on. He knew his parents were laundering money from the mafia and not paying it back. What he didn’t know, however, was just how much debt they were in. 

Soon, the deadline to pay the money back was reached, and without the payments, the mafia raided his house. It was overseen by the boss himself. They killed his parents, and then rummaged through the rest of the house looking for valuables. The boss found Dazai hiding in a closet. Dazai sat there. He knew his parents were dead, and he didn’t even cry. The boss was entranced by what seemed like all-knowing eyes on the child. He decided to take him back to the mafia’s headquarters, thinking he might be a good asset in the future. Dazai was handed off to the head doctor in the Port Mafia, Mori Ougai. 

Dazai had only been seven. 

Dazai didn’t like Mori very much. He would stare at Dazai like he knew exactly what he was thinking, and Dazai hated it. Nobody had ever been like that before. He had always been the one outsmarting others, but Mori continuously found ways to switch the roles. Dazai would especially hate the looks Mori would give him every time Mori beat him at chess. It was some weird mix of what seemed like pride and disappointment. Dazai started to be more careful around Mori, too, after he realized the kind of person Mori was. 

A vile, twisted old man who would do anything to get what he wants, even at the expense of others. 

Another thing Dazai hated was the mafia in general. He tended to dissociate from the world by watching French New Wave Cinema, specifically The Blue Angel. He pretended to be Lola Lola, the heartless, booze-hound harlot. He would wish he lived her life instead of his own. He would wish he could have bad love. Everyone in the mafia would always lie, but people were at least honest with what they wanted to do with you when it was bad love. He wanted to be someone else. Someone who was born in the right town, the right country, the right era. 

Eventually, he began to build his own character, Monique Gibeau. 

She was everything he had ever wanted to be. She lived a tragic life, she was beautiful, she was human, she was loved, even if it was just for one night. She was his chance to be someone else. 

Dazai, in his hope to better understand the life Monique would live, threw himself into his studies. He would stay up all night learning French, studying their culture and literature, writing poems, anything and everything. Eventually, things became blurred. He didn’t know what was day and what was night, his only marker of time was when Mori brought him food. Food that more often than not get thrown up. 

Hours of dedication turned into days, days became weeks, weeks became months. 

For the first time in a long time, Dazai checked his calendar. It was March 5, his birthday. He was nine. 

He didn’t even get the chance to be eight. 

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Dazai had turned nine, technically. 

He was born March 5th, but Dazai told them his birthday was June 19th. He saw no purpose in keeping his actual birthday considering all of his records would most likely be wiped (or burnt) anyway. However, he also decided to change his birthday to represent his new life in the mafia. He didn’t want it to be too far away (other wise he would’ve changed it to December 27th), just so it would be somewhat realistic. 

Nevertheless, Dazai left his room in Mori’s penthouse for the first time in months. He saw Mori sitting at the dining table. 

“Finally coming out of your room, Dazai-kun?” Mori questioned with a stupid grin on his face. 

Dazai wanted to make a snarky comment or insult him, but he couldn’t. Mori had allowed him to stay in his penthouse when he could’ve easily thrown him out. So, he responded in the politest tone he could muster. 

“Yes, Mori-san,” Dazai replied, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Obviously, Mori had other plans. 

“That’s fantastic. I was talking with the boss a few days ago, and we both agreed that you should start training for the mafia.”

As Mori said that, Dazai’s “polite kid” facade started to fade. Dazai didn’t like physical activity. He would always get sore afterwards, and soreness meant pain. 

Dazai hated pain. 

Mori could tell Dazai was having an internal debate, so he decided to clarify. 

“We will not be doing any kind of physical training as of now-“ Dazai let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in- “but we will be doing mental ones. You will be expected to learn different languages, you will learn manipulation tactics, acting skills, as well as some breathing techniques for if you ever get trapped underwater for any possible reason.”

Dazai was genuinely excited for training (although this would soon change), but Mori wasn’t done talking yet. 

Mori began again,“You will also learn how to hold a gun properly. You will learn how to shoot after you have more strength.”

“I understand, Mori-san,” Dazai replied, almost robotically. 

“Good, I don’t want to need to repeat myself,” Mori finished with a sinister grin on his face. 

With that, Dazai sat down at the dining table. Mori had just made breakfast (Dazai hadn’t even realized it was morning), and Dazai choked it down. Dazai hated eating. He has always felt inhuman, and his views on eating hadn’t helped reverse this any. He didn’t like the way it felt as it went down his throat (or how it felt when it went back up). He didn’t like the texture as he chewed it, too. He didn’t like anything about the concept at all. 

Both Dazai and Mori got up, and Dazai followed Mori to the bathroom door. 

“Put this on, Dazai,” Mori stated as he handed Dazai a stack of clothes. 

“Yes sir,” Dazai replied in an even tone. 

Dazai entered the bathroom, and he had to resist himself from running to the toilet to throw up. He began to put on the clothes. It was black trousers with a white button up shirt and a black tie under a vest. 

Dazai wished the outfit was more vibrant and flashy, like in most French New Wave Cinema shows. He stood there in front of the mirror, imagining he was Lola Lola or Monique.

“Dazai, are you okay? You’re taking an awful long time,” Mori called out from the other side of the door, snapping Dazai back to reality. 

“Yes,” Dazai lied, still looking intently at the toilet. “ I just can’t figure out how to tie the tie.”

He walked out, and Mori taught him how to tie the tie. Dazai made sure to commit it to memory so he wouldn’t have to ask again. He buttoned up his vest, put on shoes Mori gave him, and walked out of the penthouse with Mori. For the first time since Dazai had gotten there, he saw outside the penthouse. 

“I’m going to take you to see the boss,” Mori told him. 

Dazai wanted to go back inside. 

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Much to Dazai’s dismay, the talk with the boss wasn’t that bad. He mostly learned what would be expected of him once he joined the mafia. In Dazai’s opinion, he was way too old to be the boss. He predicted that in a few years, he would go crazy and someone would take his position through force. 

Dazai’s predictions were never wrong. 

As his training went on, he started to lose… interest? Mori got more physical at the same time training got more physical. If Dazai didn’t do something right, he would get punished. Mori would make cuts on Dazai’s arms, and the more he messed up, the larger and deeper they got. 

Bandages started piling up on his arms day after day. Dazai became hardened and apathetic to the things around him. 

Not long after, Dazai started to inflict the injuries onto himself, just to feel something, anything at all. He truly felt like Monique, needing to inflict self-harm to feel something (to prove he was still alive). 

When the self-harming stopped working, he turned to suicide. 

Dazai saw no reason in living. He couldn’t  feel anything, and he was just a toy for others to use. All he wanted was a reason to live. 

And he couldn’t find one. 

Is this how Monique feels? He would catch himself thinking. These thoughts only made him feel closer to the story he built in his mind. 

After Dazai’s first attempt, he couldn’t stop. It would give him this thrill. He didn’t know if he would live or die, and he loved it. 

It made him feel again. 

More and more bandages piled up, mostly around his neck from rope-burns, and his wrists from attempts to bleed out (and to hide Mori’s punishments). 

Dazai never realized how much his life could change in a few weeks, until it did. 

Once Dazai turned 12, to other people’s knowledge at least, Mori called him to his office. Sitting there were four people. Mori, the boss, and two women he had never seen before. The girl had striking red hair and eyes, and she wore traditional clothing. Sitting next to her was an American looking woman, although it was clear she knew Japanese, with dark brown hair and even darker eyes. She looked very similar to Dazai himself if he was being honest. They all sat staring at Dazai for a minute before he broke the silence. 

“You called me here, Mori-san?” Dazai asked in a confused manner. 

“Ah yes, have a seat,” he responded. 

Dazai say down in a chair between the older woman and Mori. 

“Welcome Dazai, it’s nice to see you again,” the boss broke in before Dazai could ask anything. “We have been working on the logistics of setting up a new branch in Canada. Ultimately, we decided that it would work in our favor. You have been chosen to aid these efforts,” the boss ended abruptly. 

Dazai sat stunned for a minute, processing all of this. He could see the red-head out of the corner of his eye. She looked jealous and mad. Dazai guessed she wanted to be doing the mission. Before Dazai could ask any questions, the boss started talking, yet again. 

“I’m sure you have some questions, so I’ll try to answer them for you. For starters, you have been chosen to go on the mission because you can fluently speak English and you are young, meaning no one will suspect you. Second, you will be going to Uranium City, Saskatchewan. Third, you will be expected to act like a normal student, and you will have a fake family. The woman sitting beside you will act as your mother, and the girl will help you with social skills. You will go with her after this meeting. If you have anymore questions, ask Mori. That concludes this meeting.”

“I understand, sir. Thank you for your time,” Dazai said in response as he followed the red-head through the door. 

As they were walking ( to god knows where), Dazai decided to strike up some conversation. 

“What’s your name?” Dazai asked. 

“My name is Kouyou Ozaki, and I already know who you are,” Kouyou stated firmly. 

“Ok-” Dazai drew out for an annoyingly long amount of time- “and where are we going?” Dazai questioned. 

Kouyou responded in a more agitated voice,“We are going to a designated room to help you learn social skills. We will meet there every Friday for a month.” 

Dazai decided to shut up and memorize the route for the rest of the walk. 

Dazai walked out of that same room a hour later, knowing nothing new. None of  what Kouyou had said made any sense, but he still tried to understand. 

He didn’t understand. 

Dazai went back to Mori’s office to learn more information. As Dazai was handed a huge packet, Mori started to talk. 

“There is one think we wanted to ask you before you left,” Mori started. “When do you want your birthday to be? We can’t have you using your real one.”

Dazai paused for a second. He didn’t think he would be asked that. 

“March 5th,” Dazai replied, deciding to use his actual birthday for the mission. 

Dazai walked before Mori could say anything else. He walked all the way to Mori’s penthouse. Seeing as he didn’t have a key, he picked the lock using a bobby pin he swiped off Kouyou. He knew she would be mad when she noticed. 

Dazai sat down to read the packet. Normally, he would skip reading the packet and let things play out on their own, but he saw this as somewhat important. 

The longer he read, the more excited he became. 

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Dazai was worried.

He had finished his “training” with Kouyou around mid-July, and he was expected to start school in September. Apparently, he would move to Uranium City a week ahead of time. Dazai really didn’t want to go to school there. It was a catholic school in the middle of no where. 

…And Dazai was an atheist. 

Speaking of the middle of nowhere, Dazai had been surprised to learn that it wouldn’t be some big city the Port Mafia was going to weasel its way into. As it turns out, Uranium City was actually a small town that the Port Mafia was going to take complete control of by slowly rebuilding the town whilst Dazai was there. 

During the duration of the mission, Dazai would be going by the name Noel Gruber. According to Mori, the first name was decided by his “mother”, and the last name had been pre-determined. 

On the topic of this “mother” person, Dazai wondered about what she would be like. He only knew her name was Elle, she had brown hair and eyes, and she was 34 years old. He didn’t know how or why she joined the mafia, if she was from a different country, or anything else along those lines. 

Typically, Dazai didn’t ask his fellow mafiosos why they joined, but Dazai couldn’t help but be curious considering he would be living with her for the next few years. 

Nevertheless, all Dazai could do is wait around and brush up on his English while the clock ticks down to the day of his mission. 

The fated day arrived far too soon for Dazai’s liking. 

Dazai has packed everything he owned (which consisted of formal clothing and a copy of The Blue Angel). Mori forced Dazai to buy some non-formal clothing (which Mori called “normal clothes”, and was hideous in Dazai’s opinion), as well as some school supplies. 

He met his “mother” for the first what was basically the first time at the airport. Before he boarded the plane, Mori pulled him to the side. 

“Remember what I told you,” Mori started. “Don’t mention the mafia, don’t make suicidal jokes or attempts, and stick to your backstory. You are being tasked with a very important task, do not mess this up,” Mori said with a very threatening tone. 

“Yes, Mori-san,” Dazai replied in a bored manner. 

“Good. You will be missed Dazai. I’ll see you during your Christmas and summer breaks,” Mori said, and Dazai could tell he didn’t really mean it. 

“Goodbye, Mori-san,” Dazai said as he walked away. 

After Dazai boarded the plane with his “mother”, she struck up some conversation. Dazai hoped to get some answers out of her that he had been wondering about. Clearly, she had the same intentions too. 

“Nice to finally meet you,” she said. “As you probably already know, my name is Elle, with my new last name being Gruber, and I’m 34 years old.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. I’m Dazai Osamu, but I’ll be going by Noel Gruber for this mission,” Dazai stated. Before he could say anything else, Elle broke in. 

“How about we play a game to get to know each other?” Elle asked. 

“Sure. What game are you thinking?” Dazai replied back. 

“How about two truths, one lie?” she suggested. 

“Okay,” Dazai agreed. 

Over the course of the 10 hour flight, Elle and Dazai played many, many rounds of two truths, one lie. They found out some very interesting things about one another. 

Dazai learned that Elle used to live in France, and is French-American. Which was very exciting because Dazai loved everything French. It also explained the name she chose for him. 

Elle mostly learned concerning things about Dazai, but other than that she seemed pretty excited to learn Dazai could speak French. 

He could tell she wanted to ask him how he joined the mafia at such a young age, and he wanted to ask her how she joined too. However, they both decided that it was a conversation best left for another day. 

Once the plane landed in Vancouver, they immediately boarded a new flight headed to Prince Albert. During this flight, they decided to review their cover-up story. They were posing as a mother and son moving to Uranium City after a divorce. Sadly, due to the scenario, Mori was now his father (according to Noel Gruber’s backstory anyways). Their reason for moving to Uranium City in particular would be because Noel’s (nonexistent) grandparents worked in the mines before they closed. 

The second flight took significantly less time than the first flight, with it only being roughly 2 hours instead. Dazai and Elle had one last flight of nearly 1 hour from Prince Albert to Uranium City Airport. After that flight landed, they had to drive from the airport to their new house. Both of them were severely jet-lagged, and Uranium City was 9 hours ahead of Yokohama. After a full day of flights and some driving, they had finally made it to Uranium. Only one week till Dazai starts school. 

Only one week till Dazai officially starts his mission. 

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Dazai just made a potentially really bad decision. 

Dazai had been in the mafia for years, and he was in a house with stuck-up rich people before that. So, he decided that during this mission, he would make up for his years of missed childhood and express his real feelings. Naturally, this would backfire in a few years, but he would deal with that later. 

One week had officially passed, and it was time for him to join school. 

Ocean sat at her desk (obviously in the very front), and waited for the teacher to walk in. She found it very irresponsible for the teacher to be late on the first day of school, but guessed she could let it slide. Once the teacher finally walked in, a student she had never seen before stood right beside him.

“Greetings students, welcome to 7th grade. I am Mr. Allen,” the teacher started. “As you can see, we have a new student joining us this year. Please introduce yourself, Mr. Gruber.”

“Hello, my name is Noel Gruber. I recently moved here from Japan with my mother. It’s nice to meet you all,” the nervous looking boy- Noel said. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” the class replied in a monotonous tone. 

“Fantastic, Ms. Rosenburg, show Mr. Gruber here around campus while I do roll call,” Mr. Allen stated. 

“Yes sir!” Ocean answered quickly before leading Noel out of the classroom. 

“So, why did you move here?” Ocean asked Noel. 

“I moved here with my mother because my parents got a divorce. My maternal grandparents worked in the mines while they were still open, so my mother decided to move back to Uranium,” Noel responded. 

Noel seemed nervous, which was a given considering he had just moved here, but his eyes looked dull and his smile looked fake. Ocean assumed it was because of the divorce. He also didn’t seem to like school, which Ocean didn’t understand. She loved school. She always had the highest grades, and although she wasn’t the most well liked, she still had Constance. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you! My name is Ocean O’Connell Rosenburg,” she said as she held out her hand for a handshake. 

“Nice to meet you too,” he said as he shook her hand. 

“What is your plan for the future?” Ocean asked, mostly to make small talk, and definitely not brag!

“Honestly? I’m not too sure. I feel like my dad wants me to become a doctor and work at his clinic,” Noel responded. 

“That would be cool! Personally, I have a 30 year goal to be the first democratically elected female prime minister of Canada!” Ocean said proudly. 

They soon circled back to the classroom. Before they were about to walk in, Ocean paused. She didn’t want to go back in. Noel was fun to talk and an interesting person to argue with. Sure, she had Constance, but it wasn’t the same as Noel. And besides, Constance didn’t even like to argue, and Ricky couldn’t talk and his AAC device didn’t talk fast enough to keep up with her. And-

“Ocean? You there?” Noel asked while waving a hand in front of her face. 

“What?” Ocean said, confused. 

“We were about to walk into the classroom and then you suddenly froze.”

“Oh, sorry! Let’s go back inside the classroom. Come sit with me during lunch!” she said, adding that last part almost as an after thought. 

“Sure thing,” he responded. 

For the first time in her life, Ocean was distracted during her classes. Yes, she still answered all of the questions perfectly and participated, but she wasn’t truly there, it was more like autopilot. 

Ocean was excited for lunch. Noel would get to meet Constance and Ricky, and she could learn more about him (she really meant argue with him more, but she thought that the way someone argued said a lot about their character)!

She sat down at the lunch table with Ricky and Constance, and waited for Noel to sit down. 

Dazai reluctantly sat down at the lunch table. He met Ocean this morning, and god was she a stuck-up suck-up and massive overachiever. 

So, as any “normal” person would do, he set his sights to change this attitude. What he hadn’t anticipated was her will of stone. 

When lunch hit, he found the table Ocean was sitting at. Also sitting at the table was a heavy-set girl and a boy with crutches set down beside him. The seat beside Ocean was taken by the other girl, so he chose the seat by the boy. 

“Hi Ocean. Who are these people?” Dazai said as he sat down. 

“Hi Noel! This is Constance Blackwood-” she said while pointing to the dark-skinned girl- “and this is Ricky Potts!” she said while motioning to the boy beside him. “Constance and Ricky, this is Noel Gruber, the new kid I was telling you about!”

“Welcome to Saint Cassian’s!” Constance said. 

Dazai waited on a response from Ricky for a hot second before Ocean broke in again. 

“Oh right! I forgot to mention it, but Ricky can’t talk…” she said hesitantly. 

“He normally uses a device to talk though!” Constance added quickly, in a defensive manner. “He just forgot it today…”

‘I did not forget, I left it at home on…,’ Ricky signed. 

Dazai couldn’t make out the last word, but he could understand the rest of the sentence. 

“Let me guess,” he started. “You left it so you wouldn’t have to do introductions today?” Dazai asked while looking at Ricky’s shocked face. 

“You understand him?!” Constance and Ocean both shouted in unison. 

Other tables looked over at them to see the cause of the racket. Both of the girls quieted down pretty quickly to move the attention away from them. 

“Yeah, I took a few lessons before dropping it when I was younger. I guess I’ll have to pick it back up again,” Dazai said. 

‘That’s so cool!’ Ricky signed, happy someone could understand him. 

They talked happily for the remainder of lunch. Dazai and Ocean argued a lot, but they had fun while doing it. Dazai hadn’t had anyone to do that with, like, ever. Every now and then, Ricky would sign a joke, and he could see the confused face on Constance gave, while Ocean just looked frustrated she couldn’t understand then when he laughed. 

Lunch ended, then school followed soon after. Elle picked Dazai up and drove home. For the first day, it went very well in Dazai’s opinion. Maybe he’ll actually like being here. 

Dazai came to the realization many hours later that he had made his first ever friends. 

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I never intended or ever wanted this to happen when I started this fic, but here I am. Due to personal reasons and just the feeling that anyone reading this deserves better than what I am writing currently, I an putting this fic on hiatus. Although I know that sometimes authors will go on hiatus and never come back, I don’t intend to do that. Even if it does take 2 or 10 years, I’ll finish this fic eventually! In the mean time, I will be writing a longer fic with more details so I can really understand how to write the best possible fic and how to improve this one in the future. Thank you to anyone who even read this fic in the first place with how insane this idea was, and I hope you have an amazing day!!

Whenever I rewrite and continue the fic, I will delete this chapter.