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Chapter Text

Cursing inwardly, Lan Mandragoran walked through the corridors of the fortress of Fal Dara. Since he and Moiraine had returned from the Eye of the World, his Aes Sedai constantly avoided him. It drove him nuts! Because of the loss of their bond, he didn’t notice when she left a room without telling him while he was occupied to help the injured ones.

Many people had been hurt after the Trolloc attack, and it was arduous to help those people with Moiraine not being able to use the One Power. Nynaeve’s skills were the only reason many people were still alive, and she needed every helping hand to save those who were hurt badly. In the past few days, everyone had barely slept – continuously running from one patient to the next.

And on top of that, Lan’s stubborn Aes Sedai had decided to run from him. The uncrowned king of Malkier did his best to keep an eye on Moiraine while he changed a bandage or cleaned an infected wound, yet she managed to escape his eyes every once in a while. Thanks to Nynaeve’s hint about Moiraine’s tell, he could still find her but wished she would stop doing that.

Lan worried about Moiraine. Since they returned from the Eye of the World, he barely recognized his bondholder. The strong, clever woman he knew for over twenty years now was suddenly broken – looking like a ghost, not caring about her appearance.

It was hard to get any words out of her. Usually, she reacted to pleas, though no word crossed her lips – not for conversation or complaining. She did what she was asked to do, then disappeared before Lan found her again.

And when she said something, she usually sent her Warder away because she wanted to be alone. Lan couldn’t understand why she pushed him away. All he wanted to do was to be by her side since the moment she masked their bond. Not being able to feel her – not to know what she was feeling – pained him. He used every opportunity to be close to her or to touch her. But Moiraine always brought some distance between them. Like she couldn’t bare his touch anymore.

If Lan had been a man who showed his emotions openly, he would have screamed in anger. This way, his anger boiled inside him unnoticed by anyone else. How long could he fool everyone? When would he explode?

Lan passed the dining room and gritted his teeth. It reminded him of the rare moments everyone allowed themselves a break to eat something, except for the fact that Moiraine was barely eating. No matter what Lan placed in front of her, she constantly nibbled on her food. It wouldn’t be a problem if she wasn’t already too thin.

Growling, he quickened his pace. He needed to find his Aes Sedai.

“You look pissed.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier froze, then swirled around. Nynaeve stepped out of her room and closed the door behind her. She looked exhausted. Immediately, Lan’s anger faded into thin air. He wished he could lift some of the weight off her shoulders.

Additionally, to her responsibilities as a Wisdom, the knowledge of Rand dying at the Eye of the World had crushed her – like all the other Emond’s Fielder. And it wasn’t helping that Moiraine had survived the trip. In their eyes, she was responsible for their friend’s death. She had taken him in the middle of the night without informing anyone – not even her Warder.

At the beginning, Nynaeve had been angry with Lan, too, since she had trusted him to bring both of them back and not just Moiraine. But being caught up with helping the injured ones and being angry with the Aes Sedai had calmed her anger toward the Warder.

“You look tired. Why don’t you lie down for a while? There is no emergency right now.”

Nynaeve chuckled in amusement and rubbed her face. “Lie down for a while.” It sounded like a joke when she said it. But then her expression changed. She let her eyes wander over his body before they locked with his, sparkling with lust. “Maybe I could be… persuaded to get some rest with the right company to keep me warm.”

Her words let his blood sing in anticipation. He remembered the feeling of her skin under his fingertips. The taste and softness of her lips – how they had welcomed him. The memory of their moving bodies made his cock ache. It had been their last night together before Moiraine had disappeared with Rand in the Blight.

The thought of his Aes Sedai cooled him off immediately. How could he think about bedding Nynaeve when Moiraine was missing? First, he had to find her – hopefully getting her to sleep for a few hours – before he could even consider joining Nynaeve for another heated night, although they all rather needed a full night of sleep.

Sighing, he shook his head. “Nynaeve, I-“

“You search for her.” The Wisdom nodded understandingly. In the last few days, it seemed like Lan was doing nothing else than chasing after his Aes Sedai. “We should start putting a little bell around her neck, so it will be easier to locate her.”

Lan’s eyes clearly said, “Don’t you dare.” Sighing, Nynaeve waved her hands dismissively. “Don’t worry. It was a joke.”

His eyes told her he didn’t believe her, but he nodded finally. “If you’d excuse me?” He tilted his head politely, then continued his walk.

“Do you mind some company?”

Again, he stopped in his tracks. She wanted to accompany him?

“I could use a walk.” The Wisdom stepped beside him. Her eyes challenged him to tell her no.

“You know for whom I’m searching,” Lan said slowly. He didn’t want those two women to fight again.

“I know, and I won’t stop you from doing so. But maybe you could take a slow walk while having a comfortable talk instead of rushing through these corridors to find her.”

Lan thought about her words for a moment. She was right. He would find his Aes Sedai eventually, and then he would return her to her room. In the morning, they would play the same game all over again, like the last few days. Why shouldn’t he take a moment to take a pleasant walk with the Wisdom before his feelings would be hurt again by Moiraine pushing him away? “I would appreciate your company, Nynaeve al’Meara.”

The young woman smiled, then started to walk. They both could use a moment of peace.

Since Nynaeve also knew about Moiraine’s tell, Lan didn’t need to explain to her which way to go. And he enjoyed his walk with Nynaeve. Although they were on their way to his Aes Sedai, the Wisdom was calm. She even laughed a few times and wanted to know more about him and his life.

When they found Moiraine sitting motionless on a bench in the inner courtyard, he thought about asking Nynaeve to take another round. They didn’t have to approach Moiraine from this side. What if they walked in a half circle and entered the inner courtyard from the other side? Or they could take a full circle and give Moiraine a few more minutes to herself. Could he be that selfish?

“What is she doing?”

Nynaeve’s question pulled him out of his thoughts, and his eyes returned to his Aes Sedai. The woman of the Blue Ajah still hadn’t moved. She was just sitting there with her back to them. But something must have caught the Wisdom’s eye because she stepped closer. “Is that blood?”

Three words. Three little words, yet Lan’s blood turned to ice, and he stopped breathing. Nynaeve couldn’t mean him or herself, but why should there be blood on Moiraine? The Wisdom was the one handling the wounds, while the Aes Sedai helped with the supplies, the ointments, or to hold someone down. There shouldn’t be any blood on her!

“Light!” Nynaeve exclaimed, then rushed to Moiraine’s side.

No! Please! Not her! Lan took a trembling breath, then his body moved toward his bondholder without him thinking about the movement. He reached Moiraine only a few seconds after Nynaeve, yet the woman of the Two Rivers was already kneeling and getting into action.

“What happened?!”

Moiraine held a dagger in her left hand, but unlike most people who had their fingers wrapped around the hilt, hers were placed around the blade, pushing the sharp blade into the palm of her hand. Tiny blood droplets dripped onto the ground into a small puddle. For how long was she sitting here?!

Nynaeve opened Moiraine’s fingers to take the blade out of her hand. The Aes Sedai didn’t even protest. She allowed the young woman to examine the damage without resisting once.

Shocked, Lan stood beside the two women, staring at the bleeding cut and the blood on the ground. How could this happen? She hadn’t been alone that long! Yes, he could’ve reached her sooner if he hadn’t taken his time to have a talk with Nynaeve – but he hadn’t lost that much time!

“It isn’t deep,” the Wisdom explained, then glared at the Aes Sedai. “What have you been thinking?!”

“The dagger dropped, and I picked it up.” Moiraine’s voice sounded distant, like she didn’t feel the pain.

“It dropped?!” In disbelief, her eyes found Lan, who finally kneeled beside his Aes Sedai. “I thought she can’t lie! If this dagger dropped accidentally, then I’m a Trolloc!”

Lan grimaced. “You need to listen more carefully. She didn’t mention if it was an accident or on purpose. So technically, she didn’t lie.”

Angrily, the Wisdom growled something about Aes Sedai and playing with words, but Lan didn’t call her out for it – and Moiraine didn’t even seem to hear her.

“This still doesn’t explain why she picked it up by grabbing the blade instead of the hilt.”

The Warder gritted his teeth. What was he supposed to say now? He knew Moiraine for over twenty years now. Not once had she tried to hurt herself. So, this couldn’t have been her motivation, right? On the other hand, she had never been cut off from Saidar.

The picture of Logain appeared in front of Lan’s eyes after the Aes Sedai had gentled the man. During their travel to Tar Valon, the man had tried to kill himself countless times. It had been necessary that an Aes Sedai or a Warder kept an eye on him, or else he wouldn’t have reached the White Tower alive.

Could that happen to Aes Sedai, too, when they were stilled? Was Moiraine stilled? She said she couldn’t touch the source, and their bond was masked, but did this mean she was cut off from the One Power forever? Usually, it needed a couple Aes Sedai to still a sister. On the other hand, she dealt with the Dark One. Who knows what he can do?

Lan’s eyes moved over Moiraine’s empty face. Since they returned from the Eye of the World, his Aes Sedai hadn’t acted like herself. Without the bond, her feelings were a mystery to him, as to everyone else. But he had never assumed she could hurt herself on purpose. She would come to him first, right?

“What’s that?”

The sleeve of Moiraine’s cloak had slipped and revealed her wrist, and the Wisdom noticed a fresh cut that disappeared under the fabric. Carefully, she pulled Moiraine’s sleeve further back, but the Aes Sedai freed her hand quickly and covered the cut.

“That’s none of your business.” Moiraine’s voice was cold. Obviously, she was hoping this would be enough to scare the Wisdom away.

But Nynaeve was a Wisdom with all her heart and couldn’t ignore an injury if she saw one. Growling, the young woman grabbed Moiraine’s injured hand and pulled it back to her. “It is my business if you’re injured, Aes Sedai! Now, let me see!” She pushed Moiraine’s sleeve up to the woman’s elbow and gasped.

Moiraine’s arm was covered with small cuts. And they didn’t look random! They were lined up precisely – one cut next to the other! This hadn’t been an accident! These cuts had been made deliberately!

Lan couldn’t breathe. How could he have missed this?! How could he not have seen how deeply Moiraine had been hurt? She was his Aes Sedai, and he hadn’t known about her cutting herself! Because you had allowed her to push you away, you bloody idiot! Instead of staying by her side, you had obeyed and left her alone!

Angry, the woman of the Blue Ajah hissed at Nynaeve. “I told you this is none of your business, Wisdom! I don’t need your help!”

Although it was useless now, Moiraine still wanted to cover the cuts again by pulling the fabric back over it. As if this would be enough to make them unseen.

But Lan needed to know if there were more injuries. How often had she cut herself? He grabbed Moiraine’s right hand and pushed this sleeve up too.

“Lan!”

Relieved, he noticed her second arm wasn’t as covered as the other. There was only one fresh cut, but otherwise, it was untouched.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Lan’s voice was calm, but his anger was audible. When he looked into Moiraine’s eyes, she turned her head away – avoiding his gaze.

Foolish woman! Why didn’t she talk to him? I have to ensure to keep all sharp objects out of reach from her. And I will not allow her to push me away again. I won’t give her the opportunity to repeat this nonsense. Lan’s eyes fell on the dagger Moiraine had tied around her hip. Well, he would start with that.

Taken by surprise, Moiraine winced when Lan’s fingers suddenly started to work on the knot that held the dagger. “What are you doing?” Even Nynaeve furrowed her forehead in confusion.

“You stay away from sharp objects.”

At the same moment, the dagger got loose, and Lan grabbed it. Moiraine needed one second longer until the meaning of his words reached her fuzzy brain.

“NO!” She freed both hands and tried to take her dagger back, but her Warder was faster. He held her possession out of reach while blocking her attempts to get it back. “Lan, please! Give it back!”

“No sharp objects for you.”

“I didn’t use it!”

Nynaeve did her best to catch Moiraine’s injured hand again, but the Aes Sedai pulled herself free. She didn’t care about the injury. All she wanted was her dagger back!

“Please, give it back!”

“I won’t give you a weapon you can use to hurt yourself,” Lan growled.

“I never used the dagger to hurt myself! I swear, I never used it!”

The uncrowned king of Malkier raised his eyebrows, doubtful. Her arm was covered with cuts. What else should she have used if not this blade?

Moiraine saw his reaction while keeping up her fight to reach her dagger. “You know I can’t lie, Lan! I never used this dagger to hurt myself, and I promise I will never use it to do so! Please! Give it back!”

“Look at your arm. It is covered with multiple cuts, Moiraine.” Lan wrapped his fingers around her wrist – the only place that was safe to touch – and showed the woman of the Blue Ajah her injured arm. “How can you expect me to trust you with a blade when you do this?”

“Because I didn’t use it! I would never use this blade for something like that!” It was useless. Lan was way too talented in blocking. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t reach her dagger.

At the same time, Nynaeve was annoyed by Moiraine and Lan’s behavior. “Would you two stop fighting about this stupid dagger?! She is bleeding!”

Nynaeve’s outburst pulled the Warder’s attention back to the bleeding cut on Moiraine’s hand. Sighing, he allowed the Wisdom to take care of the injured woman.

But his Aes Sedai was still focused on her dagger. She didn’t care about her blood dripping on the ground. Since Lan was distracted by the young woman from the Two Rivers, he didn’t pay attention on hiding the blade. One chance. She only had one chance before he would keep it out of her reach again.

This time, Moiraine didn’t free her injured arm. Instead, she allowed Nynaeve to examine the damage while reaching out her healthy arm until her fingers grabbed the dagger. She got it!

Lan realized his mistake immediately. Quickly, he tried to pull it out of her grasp, but Moiraine held on to it with all her strength. She wouldn’t let go!

“Moiraine,” Lan growled, using his free hand to release her grip.

“Please, Lan.” Moiraine couldn’t suppress her tears anymore. Why didn’t he believe her? “Please, don’t take it from me. You can ask for anything – anything at all. But please, not this dagger.”

Lan was shocked when he heard the desperation in Moiraine’s voice and saw the tears building up in her eyes. He wasn’t used to that. His strong Aes Sedai had never acted like this before.

“Please.” Her begging broke his heart. He never meant to hurt her! “Ask for anything else.”

His grip on the dagger loosened, though he still didn’t let go of it. He saw the cuts on Moiraine’s arm, yet he believed her she had never used this blade to hurt herself. Whatever she had used, it hadn’t been this. There was no reason to keep it from her. His free hand dropped into his lap.

But maybe he could use it to get her attention. “You allow Nynaeve to patch you up.”

Moiraine gulped, then nodded. “I will.”

“And you need to promise me not to hurt you anymore.”

This was harder for the woman of the Blue Ajah, and Lan saw her hesitation. As much as she wanted this dagger back, she couldn’t promise him not to hurt herself again. What if her desperation pulled her down again?

Gently, he placed his free hand on top of hers. Immediately, her grip on the dagger intensified, scared her hesitation had been a confirmation for her Warder not to return her dagger. “No, please. Please, Lan.”

But Lan didn’t try to pull the blade out of her hand. Soothingly, his thumb moved over her skin. His sad eyes begged her to see reason. “Promise me you’ll come to me when you have the urge to hurt yourself.”

Moiraine released a trembling breath. After all, she had done – after leaving Lan behind, masking the bond, cutting herself, and pushing Lan away – he still wanted to help her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. What had she done?

Smiling, her Warder cupped her cheek and brushed her tears away. “Let me help you, Moiraine. You’re not alone. I’m still here – with you.”

Lan sighed when Moiraine nodded. “I need you to say it.”

The Aes Sedai gulped. Her throat felt tight, and she didn’t trust her voice but tried to speak for Lan. “I promise I will come to you from now on if I feel the urge to hurt myself.”

Light! The relieved look on Lan’s face was a stab to her heart. This man wanted to protect her, and she had pushed him away. Her friend, her companion, her partner for over twenty years. What was wrong with her?

Her Warder leaned forward and pulled her into a hug, pressing a thankful kiss to her forehead.

The sweet moment between the Aes Sedai and the Warder was interrupted by Nynaeve’s growl. Moiraine was still bleeding, and the Wisdom wanted to help the woman. “Are you two done now? I need to take care of that wound before she faints from blood loss.”

Lan pressed one last kiss on Moiraine’s forehead, then released her. But more importantly, he let go of the dagger, so the woman of the Blue Ajah could press it against her chest.

“Remember your first promise,” Lan warned gently. “You allow Nynaeve to patch you up.”

Agreeing, Moiraine nodded. She wouldn’t risk losing this blade. Then she allowed Lan and Nynaeve to pull her to her feet and lead her to the infirmary. It was time to deal with that wound of hers.

Chapter Text

The infirmary was filled with injured soldiers. Some of them were asleep, while others were groaning in pain. Nynaeve led the Aes Sedai and the Warder into a small room – a cell, really – with a table and two chairs in it. It wasn’t pretty or comfortable, but at least they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Nynaeve grabbed some herbs and utensils to prepare an ointment as well as a pot with hot water, then closed the door behind her. “Lan, can you clear the table? I need some room to work. Then cover it with a blanket.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier obeyed without hesitation. His Aes Sedai could stand on her own two feet for a couple of minutes without him steadying her.

Meanwhile, Nynaeve pressed a small fabric onto Moiraine’s wound and closed the woman’s hand around it. “Make sure to keep some pressure on it.”

The Aes Sedai nodded, still clutching her dagger with the healthy hand, pressing it against her chest while waiting for Nynaeve to start with the treatment. She felt the strong urge to run – out of this room – but she had promised Lan to endure this. Nynaeve would patch her up, and then she could leave this room.

“Take your clothes off.”

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Her clothes? Why in light’s name should she take off her clothes? She simply needed an ointment and a bandage. All things Nynaeve could apply with the Aes Sedai being fully dressed. “My clothes? Are you out of your mind? Why do I need to take them off when I have a hand injury? That makes no sense at all.”

The Wisdom’s hands clutched around the little bowl. She looked like she wanted to throw it out the window. And for a moment, Nynaeve thought about actually leaving the room. She should leave the stubborn woman to Lan. He was her Warder, after all.

But the uncrowned king of Malkier was already handling the situation. Since he was done clearing the table, placing a blanket on it against the cold, and was back at Moiraine’s side, he grabbed his Aes Sedai’s precious dagger and took it from her.

“Wha- No!” Moiraine reacted immediately, yet it was still too slow. The blade was already out of her reach when she realized what Lan had done. “We had an agreement!”

The young woman from the Two Rivers rolled her eyes, annoyed. What was it with that dagger? There were thousands of blades in this fortress. Moiraine could take one of those, but she only had eyes for this one. 

“We had. You promised to allow Nynaeve to treat your injury. Yet, you refuse to follow her instructions.”

“I don’t refuse! I just try to figure out why I need to take off my clothes for a hand injury that is clearly visible! Please, Lan! I don’t refuse treatment! I’m here! Please, give it back!”

Nynaeve shook her head while she continued to prepare the ointment. “I want to check if there are more injuries you haven’t told anyone. Besides, I need to treat these old cuts too.”

Lan pointed at the Wisdom. “You heard her.”

“Give me the dagger back,” Moiraine begged.

“First, you take off your clothes, then you get it back.”

Moiraine licked her lips nervously. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe her Warder, but… she would feel better when she could hold the weapon again. But one look into Lan’s stony face told her he wouldn’t give in to her begging – not this time.

With trembling fingers, she tried to shrug off her cloak and leather bolero. She needed a while but managed to take it off. Yet, it didn’t take long before she gave up undressing. She couldn’t take off her clothes with her injured hand.

“Could you please help me?” the Aes Sedai whispered in embarrassment, unable to look Lan in the eye.

The uncrowned king of Malkier placed the stolen object on the chair beside him, then crouched before Moiraine to help her with her boots. From the corner of his eyes, he saw her fingers twitch anxiously. She wanted to reach for her possession, yet at the same time, she knew it wasn’t a good idea. Attentively, Lan observed her inner struggle for a moment, then touched her leg gently.

Immediately, Moiraine’s eyes flew to Lan. But as soon as she saw the knowing look in his eyes, she turned her head away, ashamed. Light burn him! The bond is masked – gone even when the Dark One truly stilled me – yet this man still knows me too well.

For a moment, Lan thought about comforting his Aes Sedai, but Nynaeve was still there, and Moiraine wouldn’t talk in front of the Wisdom. Sighing, he got to work. Soon, the boots were off, and the Warder moved on to open the cords of her pants.

When he helped her stepping out of the pants, she had to lean on him so she wouldn’t fall. At least she was allowed to leave her underwear on.

Suddenly, Lan furrowed his forehead. He still crouched before Moiraine, and a dark spot had caught his eye. It was a bruise!

Moiraine flinched when Lan’s thumb moved over the bruise. “It was a table.” Lan’s wary eyes met hers, so she continued quickly, “Well, the edge of a table. I wasn’t paying attention and bumped into the table. Inattentiveness, not an attempt to hurt me. I swear, that’s all.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier seemed to believe her because he nodded and lowered his eyes back to her legs. But now he was suspicious. Carefully, he examined the leg but couldn’t find anything else. Then he moved on to the other and hissed angrily when he saw a long cut on Moiraine’s upper thigh.

“It was a scratch. Again, not an attempt to hurt me.” This time, it didn’t seem like Lan believed her, though she didn’t know if it was because he actually thought she had tried to hurt herself or because she hadn’t told him about the injury.

“It happened in the Blight.” Shocked, Lan’s eyes widened at her words. She got hurt in the Blight?! Moiraine saw his reaction and tried to calm the situation. “I cleaned it – multiple times.”

It didn’t help. The dangerous look in her Warder’s eyes stayed, and she hated she couldn’t feel him to know if he believed her or not. Finally, Lan rose to his full height again.

“Lan-“

But he simply grabbed the hem of her tunic and pulled it over her head, leaving her upper body bare. Being naked in front of Lan didn’t bother Moiraine anymore. She had overcome her prudish nature toward her Warder years ago, yet she felt the urge to cover her breasts.

Lan threw her tunic on the chair and let his eyes wander over Moiraine’s almost completely naked frame. Suddenly, a shimmer of gold caught his eye. Moiraine had a cord tied around her neck with… a ring on it! A ring that looked oddly familiar to him!

Involuntarily, Lan’s hand reached up to touch the ring. Could it be she hid…?

The Aes Sedai saw the movement, and after a moment of surprise, she remembered the ring around her neck. Before Lan’s fingers could even touch the jewelry, Moiraine clasped her hand around it – not caring about her nudity anymore.

She looked at him with big eyes. How could she forget about the ring? Apparently, her panic about losing her dagger made her forget this golden thing. A thing that didn’t even belong to her! She had no right to keep it from him.

Her Warder seemed surprised, though the Aes Sedai couldn’t say if it was because he hadn’t known about her carrying the ring around her neck or because she hid his property. I have to return the ring. Lan gave it to me to keep it safe. All those years ago, he had mentioned he would like me to keep it until he asked for it. The ring doesn’t belong to me.

Reluctantly, Moiraine opened her fist and released the golden ring. Her eyes were locked on Lan’s chest now. She couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Forgive me,” she whispered while fighting against upcoming tears. She didn’t want to give up Lan’s ring. It had been an honor to keep it safe all those years, and she had always kept an eye on it. “I wasn’t thinking. It’s yours, and I should return it to you.”

Her own words hurt like she was stabbing herself, yet they were the truth. She lifted her trembling hands to untie the knot behind her neck. Her fingers convulsed, unwilling to give the ring up. It was nearly as hard as having her dagger ripped out of her hands. Those two things meant the world to her.

Suddenly, Moiraine felt Lan’s hands on her arms, pulling her hands gently away from the knot. “What are you doing?” The woman of the Blue Ajah was confused. Did he want to undo the knot by himself? What would he do with the ring? Don’t be foolish, Moiraine! It is none of your business what he does with the ring! It belongs to him, and he can do whatever he wants to do with it!

All anger had vanished from Lan’s face. Instead, Moiraine thought she almost saw a light smile on his lips. But what could be the reason for him to smile? Was he laughing about her? Or was his mind already imagining how he would place this ring on the finger of a certain Wisdom?

Instead of taking the ring, Lan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. A surprised gasp escaped Moiraine’s lips. She hadn’t expected that. Her first instinct was to push her Warder away – like she had done the last few days. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve his comfort, and warmth, and love, and friendship, and… but it felt so good.

Automatically, her arms developed a life of their own and returned the hug – allowing Lan to wrap her into this cozy bubble of safety she only felt with him. Her Warder. Her wonderful, amazing, and incredible Warder.

Lan kissed her hair, burying his nose in her dark locks while he held her tight. The feeling of her being safely in his arms…

When Moiraine started to shiver, he released her quickly. “You’re cold.” Carefully, the uncrowned king of Malkier led her to the table.

And for a heartbeat, the woman of the Blue Ajah followed. But then she remembered her dagger and tried to reach for it. “Lan, you promised!”

Relentlessly, the man lifted her onto the table, but Moiraine tried to get down again until Lan stepped between her legs and blocked her way.

“You promised! My clothes are off! Now give it back!”

“Moiraine.” Calmly, Lan cupped her face, brushing his thumb over her lips. “Breathe.”

She grabbed his tunic with her healthy hand. “Please, Lan. Please.”

Instead of an answer, the Warder held up his index finger, telling her to wait. Frowning, she watched him slowly moving back – he never took down his warning finger – then stepping to the chair where her dagger lay beneath her tunic.

Moiraine’s eyes never left him. Anxiously, she waited on the table with her healthy hand gripping the blanket tightly while Lan got the dagger and returned to her.

Immediately, she reached out for it, but Lan held it out of her reach. “Lan!”

“I will place it beside you.”

“Give me-!”

“Watch, Moiraine.” The uncrowned king of Malkier caught her healthy hand, then placed the dagger beside her.

The Aes Sedai tried to free herself, but her Warder’s grip was strong.

“It is here – within your reach. But first, you allow Nynaeve to check on you.”

“You will find another reason to take it from me!”

Lan shook his head. “I won’t. I promise I won’t take it from you as long as you allow Nynaeve to help you – as you promised me.”

Moiraine didn’t look convinced. She and Lan fought a silent battle with their eyes, neither one ready to give up.

“Light! What is it with you and this stupid dagger?!” Nynaeve approached them with a bowl of hot water, two pieces of fabric, and a small bowl, containing an ointment. “It’s not like you can’t get yourself another one!”

Angrily, Moiraine tore her eyes from her Warder and glared at the young woman. “This dagger is mine, Wisdom.” Her voice was cold as ice and left no room for discussion. Yet, Nynaeve was stubborn.

“It is a dagger, Aes Sedai. I’m sure you’ll find a new one.”

“I don’t want another one. I’ve got one – THIS one.”

The Wisdom rolled her eyes but stopped arguing. She placed the bowl beside Moiraine. “Let me see that hand of yours.”

Wordlessly, Moiraine allowed Nynaeve to take her hand and pull off the bloody fabric. After a disapproving look, the young woman cleaned the cut.

Moiraine’s eyes moved to her dagger. Again, she tried to pull her hand out of Lan’s grip, but her Warder didn’t let her. Sighing, he intertwined their fingers to keep her from escaping his grip.

The woman of the Blue Ajah scowled at the uncrowned king of Malkier, who returned her glare calmly.

Nynaeve watched the exchange between these two from the corner of her eye but otherwise stayed quiet about it. There was no use in it anyway.

“I prepared an ointment which will help to accelerate the healing.” The young woman dipped two fingers into the liquid. Before she smeared it onto Moiraine’s injury, she licked her lips, then locked eyes with the older woman – her eyes looked apologetically. “This will probably sting a little.”

The Aes Sedai opened her mouth, then sighed and nodded. She understood what was going to happen. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself from gasping when the ointment got in contact with the wound. She squeezed Lan’s finger painfully, but he didn’t even flinch. It was only when Nynaeve started to wrap a bandage around Moiraine’s hand that the Aes Sedai released her tight grip on her Warder.

After finishing the bandage, the Wisdom handed Lan the wet cloth. “I will check her for more injuries. Meanwhile, you can wash her arms. Be careful with those cuts. I will treat them with the ointment and bandage them later.” She turned to Moiraine. “Can you stand up, please? It will be easier for me to check on you.”

Lan helped his Aes Sedai back on her feet, then started to clean her arms while Nynaeve encircled the naked woman, taking her in with a scrutinizing look. The Warder tried to be as gentle as possible yet thorough. Some of those cuts were fresher than the others, but none of them couldn’t be older than a few days. Moiraine must have started to cut herself since they returned from the Eye of the World.

Moiraine saw the grim line around Lan’s lips. What was he thinking? Was he angry with her for doing this to herself? Or angry with himself for not seeing it sooner? Light, she wished she could still feel him!

Gently, she touched his arm, and he stiffened immediately. When his cold eyes met hers, she withdrew her hand. He is definitely pissed at me.

The uncrowned king of Malkier must have seen the hurt look on her face because he took a deep breath – possibly embracing Ko’di – before he caught her free hand, squeezing her fingers gently.

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah saw him forcing a small reassuring smile on his face, which wasn’t very convincing, yet she copied his smile.

Nynaeve touched Moiraine’s leg just an inch over the scratch she had received in the Blight, and the Cairhien woman nearly jumped. The touch had caught her off guard.

Alarmed, Lan’s eyes searched for the reason for her sudden reaction. The big man relaxed when he saw Nynaeve examining the injury. Calmer, he continued to clean the cuts.

“It doesn’t look infected-“ the Wisdom said, talking to Moiraine’s leg. “-but I will put the ointment on it as well – just to be safe. Lan, clean this wound too when you’re done with her arms.”

Content with her examination, she returned to her bowl with the ointment. Lan moved on to clean Moiraine’s second arm, giving the Wisdom the space to spread the healing liquid on the hurt flesh.

Nynaeve and Lan worked in silence, both focused on their task. Moiraine didn’t protest once. Only her eyes wandered to her dagger from time to time, though she never tried to interrupt them by attempting to reach for it.

Soon, Moiraine’s arms were covered with bandages. Although her left arm looked worse than her right. At the moment, Nynaeve secured the bandage around the woman’s thigh, and then this would be all over.

The Wisdom had ordered Lan to prepare tea, so he wouldn’t stand in the way, and Moiraine’s Warder had complied happily. It was easier for him to deal with this situation when he could busy himself.

“All right. This should do until tomorrow.” Sighing, Nynaeve got back on her feet, examining her work for the last time before her firm gaze found Moiraine’s eyes. “In the morning, you come here, so I can see if you need something stronger.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded in defiance. There was no way she could hide from Nynaeve. This stubborn woman would drag her to the infirmary if necessary.

Sighing relieved about Moiraine’s agreement, Nynaeve let her eyes wander over the front of the Aes Sedai one last time. She didn’t want to miss an injury. Her eyes stopped at the scar above Moiraine’s heart. A month ago, this injury had nearly killed the Cairhien woman. The Wisdom remembered trying to save Moiraine’s life, but she had become weaker by the hour.

Involuntarily, the young woman from the Two Rivers reached out her hand and touched the scar.

Startled, Moiraine took a step back, bumping into the table behind her. The sound alerted Lan, whose eyes moved quickly between his Aes Sedai and lover, trying to decipher what he had just missed.

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean….” Nynaeve swallowed and held up her hands in defense. “May I see the scar? I haven’t seen the injury since Lan handed you over to your sisters.”

For a moment, Moiraine was tempted to deny her request. This injury was healed. There was nothing Nynaeve could do about it anymore. But then her eyes fell on her dagger. You allow Nynaeve to patch you up. Nynaeve had patched up her injuries, but would Lan include old injuries in his demand? She couldn’t risk not getting her dagger back.

So, she nodded, agreeing, though she couldn’t stop herself from telling the young woman, “It is healed.”

Nynaeve nodded. Slowly, she approached Moiraine and let her fingers move gently over the scar. “I’m surprised the injury left a scar. I thought when an Aes Sedai heal someone….” Her eyes went to Moiraine’s stomach, remembering the handle of Stepin’s axe stabbing the Cairhien woman. Now, there was only smooth skin, as if nothing had ever happened. “Is this because the wound was poisoned? Is it harder to heal a poisoned injury than a simple stab wound?”

Moiraine laughed quietly. If she wouldn’t know it better, she said the Wisdom was truly interested in the healing methods of the Aes Sedai. “No. It depends on the strength of the healer. The women of the Green Ajah are good at healing, but their strength lies in the battle. And Kerene had been exhausted from shielding Logain. You, on the other hand, are a powerful healer, Wisdom. So, when you unleashed the One Power to heal us all, no scar was left – none of us wears a scar.”

The young woman’s thoughts ran while she watched Moiraine’s scar scrutinizing. “So, I’m more powerful than the green sister who healed you. Does this mean I could heal this-?”

“No.”

Nynaeve grimaced at Moiraine’s quick response, but Moiraine chuckled. “This wound is already healed. You can’t heal something that doesn’t need healing.”

Stubbornly, the Wisdom opened her mouth to protest. She didn’t like when someone told her what she could or couldn’t do.

“The water is ready,” Lan interrupted Nynaeve’s protest, which earned him a glare from said woman, but she walked over to him.

Chapter Text

As soon as the young woman had her back on the Cairhien woman, Moiraine’s shoulders lowered, and she swayed like she had forced herself to look strong in front of the young woman, and now her strength was gone.

The uncrowned king of Malkier saw the danger and was by her side instantly with his hands on her hips to steady her. “Sit down,” he whispered softly.

Moiraine placed her hands on his arms, though she couldn’t say why. She didn’t grab him or push him away. She simply put her hands there in reflex. Her head felt heavy, and it became worse with every passing minute.

Finally, she managed to nod when she remembered Lan’s suggestion. Since she was already leaning against the table, it was easy for Lan to lift her onto the table – thankful for Nynaeve’s order to place a blanket on the cold surface. Then he stepped between Moiraine’s legs and cupped her face to check on her. Her condition worried him.

When Lan couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary – except that her eyes seemed glazy - he carefully moved his fingers up her neck with gentle pressure.

He reached the back of Moiraine’s head, and suddenly the woman winced. A low whimper escaped her lips when a piercing pain forced its way through her head. Without the bond, Lan didn’t know about the intensity of her pain but knew his Aes Sedai well enough that she would never whimper unless she was truly in pain.

“Come here.”

Moiraine allowed Lan to pull her against his chest. His arms encircled her in a warm embrace while one hand made sure her head was placed in the crook of his neck.

“Good, the herbs started to work.”

Surprised, Lan turned his head to Nynaeve, who had appeared beside him with a steaming cup in her hands. “You knew this would happen?”

“Her body needs time to heal. The herbs in the ointment are strong. Most of the time, a person feels her strength weaken, and a nasty headache can be another side-effect.”

“Is there anything else I should know about? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Nynaeve raised an eyebrow at him. “I couldn’t tell you without her not hearing it too. And we both know she would’ve never agreed to the ointment if she had known what it would do to her.”

Lan wanted to protest but then released a heavy sigh. Nynaeve was right, yet he wished he had known about the consequences. His eyes fell on the steamy cup in the Wisdom’s hands.

“It helps her to sleep.” At least this time, she told him straight to the face before she gave it to his Aes Sedai. “Like I said, her body needs rest to heal.”

Uncertainly, the uncrowned king of Malkier hesitated for a second, then took the cup out of Nynaeve’s hands. The swirling herbs in the hot water held his gaze. What should he do if Moiraine refused to drink the tea? She needed to rest, but… The sudden touch of Moiraine’s hand on his arm pulled him out of his thoughts.

“It’s all right, Lan,” the woman of the Blue Ajah whispered.

Trembling, she placed her hands around the cup and pulled it toward her. With Lan’s steady arm around her back and his strong hold on the cup, she managed to take a few gulps before her Warder gave her a moment to breathe.

As soon as the cup was empty, Nynaeve took it out of their hands before giving Lan new instructions. “She shall lay down on the table. I want to watch over her sleep – at least at the beginning. Later, you can carry her back to her room.”

Carefully, Lan helped Moiraine to lie down on the table, then folded her cloak to place it under her head. Her eyes were already more closed than open.

“My dagger.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper while her healthy hand searched for the dagger Lan had placed beside her.

“It’s here, Moiraine.” The Warder made sure the Aes Sedai could feel her property before he put it beside her head. “It’s right here.”

Her skin turned cold quickly, so Lan grabbed her tunic. It wasn’t much, but better than nothing. And then he would search for a thick blanket to cover her.

When he stepped back beside the table, Moiraine had closed her hand around his ring, mumbling something inaudible. Smiling, Lan placed his hand over hers. He wished he knew since when she was wearing the ring. When had she started tying it around her neck to draw comfort from it?

It made him proud that it was the dagger and ring she needed close in her current situation. Nonetheless, he wished she would allow him to help her instead of pushing him away, but that little gesture showed him that she still needed him.

Moiraine’s hand convulsed under his touch, and a low whimper crossed her lips. “No, please.” She opened her eyes sleepily, and Lan saw tears shimmering when she looked at him. “I keep it safe. I swear.”

“Oh, Moiraine.” The uncrowned king of Malkier kissed her forehead. “I know you do. I trust you with all my heart.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah relaxed visibly. Apparently, he had used the right words. Carefully, he put his hand under her head to steady it, then pulled her gently into a sitting position. “Let’s put this tunic back on.”

Lan tried to be as gentle as possible yet quick. His Aes Sedai was no help in her sleepy condition, and when he opened her hand so he could push her arm through her sleeve, she fought against him – not wanting to release the ring.

“No, please.” It was like Moiraine had forgotten they had talked about this only a moment ago. “Not this. Take something else.”

If the situation hadn’t been so heartbreaking, Lan would have laughed about it. In her sleepy condition, the woman of the Blue Ajah didn’t even think about using her free hand to grab the ring – her free arm, which was already sticking safely in her other sleeve. Instead, she fought against him because he had dared to loosen her grip.

“I don’t take the ring from you, Moiraine. You keep it safe for me.” His words calmed her, and she stopped fighting him so he could finally push her arm through the sleeve of her tunic, then pulled the fabric down to her hips. “There you go.”

Carefully, the uncrowned king of Malkier helped the sleepy woman to lie down again. Immediately, her hand reached for the golden ring, which was now hidden underneath the tunic. She released a relieved sigh when she felt it, and her eyes closed again.

“I keep it safe,” she mumbled.

Lan pressed another kiss to her forehead. “You do. You do very well. I’ll get you a blanket. I’ll be back in a moment.”

But when the Warder turned toward the door, his way was blocked by the Wisdom. Puzzled, he stared at the blanket in her hands. He hadn’t expected that.

“It’s for her. I assumed you don’t want her to get cold.” The Wisdom’s cheeks blushed in embarrassment. Then pressed the blanket in Lan’s hands. “Take it. I need to rinse out the bowl.”

A soft smile appeared on Lan’s lips. When he took the blanket, he placed his hand over Nynaeve’s. “Thank you for the blanket. And thank you for helping her.”

“She was in need of a Wisdom, and I am still a Wisdom. I can’t ignore an injured person – not even when the injury is self-inflicted, and this person is a flaming Aes Sedai.” Her eyes flicked to Lan’s face, and she growled when she saw his knowing smile, then let go of the blanket. “Don’t look at me like that! Cover her before she catches a cold!”

“As you say, Wisdom.”

She heard the amusement in his voice but decided to ignore it. She didn’t care about this woman! She was a patient like all the others she had treated the last days, and that was it!

Lan was smart enough not to push the young woman any further. He unfolded the blanket and threw it over Moiraine before he tucked her in. Contently, he brushed a loose lock behind her ear, then walked over to Nynaeve. “How can I help?”

“I don’t need your help.”

She was still angry, though Lan couldn’t say if she was angry with him or herself. No matter what, he wouldn’t leave her. Gently, he placed his hands on her shoulders, and she stiffened.

“You helped Moiraine. Allow me to help you now.”

Nynaeve hesitated. What should she do? This man drove her nuts, and he didn’t even have to say a word for that! His whole presence intimidated her, and one look from those beautiful brown eyes… Growling, she handed him the bowl she had just rinsed out and pointed at the rest on the table. “You can take care of this while I sort my herbs.”

Lan took the bowl out of her hand – his fingers brushed hers on purpose – but he started to clean her tools without saying a word.

For a few minutes, they worked silently beside each other until Nynaeve couldn’t bear the silence anymore – well, and her curiosity broke through. “What is it about this ring and dagger?”

Surprised, the Warder raised an eyebrow at her. But before he could say something, a stream of words followed, “Why are they so important to her? I understand a ring can have value to a person, but the dagger? She could buy another one at any time if those in Fal Dara don’t suit her. What is so special about THIS blade?”

Lan dried his hands while his thoughts were running. How could he explain the situation? Would Moiraine want him to tell the story? It wasn’t embarrassing for the Aes Sedai, but Moiraine liked to wrap herself in secrets.

Nynaeve took Lan’s silence for him not wanting to answer her question. Angry, she turned back to her herbs. “Fine,” she snapped. “Don’t tell me. Be a good Warder and protect her secrets.”

“You’re right.” The Wisdom looked at the Warder with a puzzled look. She hadn’t expected those words. Lan wasn’t even smiling about her reaction, though he held her gaze. “She could buy another dagger – hundreds of daggers – but they would be without meaning.”

“What happened that she can’t lose the blade?”

Sighing, Lan rubbed his face. Very well, then. “As you know, Moiraine and I have been traveling through the land for over twenty years now, searching for the Dragon Reborn.”

Nynaeve grimaced at the mention of his long-living partnership with his Aes Sedai. Twenty years was a very long time – something you could never just walk away from or turn your back on.

The Warder saw her reaction but ignored it and continued, “We fought countless battles over the years – against the Shadowspawn, Whitecloaks, villagers - the list is endless. Most of the time, we escape unharmed, but at the beginning of our joined journey, we were… let’s say, we needed to find our rhythm. In the first years after we had bonded, everything was new to us – all those different feelings that weren’t yours – and when we fought, it was kind of… clumsy. I wasn’t used to fighting with someone who didn’t have a sword in his hands, though I learned quickly that Saidar is as deadly as any blade.”

The Wisdom shivered at his words. “I’d rather have a sword in my hands than using the One Power.”

A smile tugged at Lan’s lips when he heard that. “Don’t be so quick in dismissing the One Power. From what I heard, you’re a strong channeler. You could save the lives of many people.”

“I’m a Wisdom. I use herbs, not magic.”

“And now imagine how many people you could heal if you would learn to use Saidar to do it. Imagine all these people in the other room – all the dying ones – who you could save by healing them with the One Power.”

Nynaeve scowled at him. Did he really use sick people to prick her bad conscience? Well, it was working. “So, in the beginning, you got injured a lot?”

Lan noticed her changing the subject and went with it. Nodding, he returned to his story, “Countless times. Fortunately, Moiraine healed me after every fight, but it was annoying. I tried to give her some lessons in sword fighting, but she refused. In her opinion, Saidar was everything she needed to protect us.”

“Foolish woman,” Nynaeve mumbled, receiving a warning glare from Lan.

“Do you want to hear the story?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then stop insulting her. You know her for... what? A little bit more than a month? You know nothing about her – about who she truly is. Light, not even I know every little detail of her, and I’m bonded to her for two decades. So, don’t judge her so easily.”

Nynaeve’s cheeks blushed in embarrassment. She was ashamed that Lan had called her out for her bad behavior. “Forgive me. I will listen now.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier seemed to believe her. “One day – we had been bonded for almost a year – we were surprised by Whitecloaks. We fought, but they were in the majority. I took a few hits before they disarmed me – I was exhausted from a previous fight against Trollocs – and then they got their hands on Moiraine. She couldn’t channel anymore, and those guys aren’t known to be gentle around Aes Sedai. I don’t remember if I yelled at them or begged them to stop. All I know is that suddenly, a dagger stuck in my chest – right under my ribs.”

The eyes of the Wisdom widened in shock. The Whitecloaks had stabbed Lan?! “But… Moiraine… she… she didn’t….”

“She was furious. Until this day, I’ve never seen her like that. I don’t know how she did it, but she freed herself from the Whitecloaks and suddenly had a dagger in her hands. Not even the Whitecloak, whom she had stolen the blade, had noticed before she buried it in his side. She was a thunderstorm, using only her fists and this dagger to attack her opponents. Those idiots had been too shocked to truly fight against her – ignorant younglings. They were probably told Aes Sedai only used the One Power to fight, never a weapon.”

“What did they do to you?”

“To me? Nothing. They had already stabbed me and thought of me as dead. So, they left me there to help their brothers in the fight against Moiraine. It was a mistake which they didn’t survive. With their backs turned to me, it was easy for me to kill them.”

Nynaeve was shocked. Lan had been stabbed, yet he had kept fighting?! “You were bleeding to death!”

“Moiraine needed my help, Nynaeve. Those Children of the Light who had captured her had been naïve, but the ones who had taken care of me weren’t so stupid. They were older and had seen many battles. They would have killed her on the spot.”

Nodding, the Wisdom understood. Lan would die for Moiraine. Those Whitecloaks had been a threat to his Aes Sedai, so he eliminated them.

“But after that, I was useless. I couldn’t move. My sword fell out of my hand, and I sank to my knees. She was still surrounded by Whitecloaks, but it felt like she was miles away from me.”

“I can only assume you had lost a lot of blood at that point, and the shock set in.”

Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier nodded. “It was frustrating. All I could do was sit there and watch how she fought her way free – her way to me. When she finally reached me, I think I was barely conscious. I remember she was covered with blood when she checked on me, and I think I told her to run, then everything went black.”

Although it was only a story from the past, Nynaeve bit her lower lip anxiously. The thought of Lan almost dying turned her stomach upside down.

“When I awoke, the Whitecloaks were gone, and I didn’t recognize our surroundings. But Moiraine was there, being unconscious. She had pulled me to safety – though I still don’t know how she found the strength to do that – and our horses were there too. She had used her last strength to heal me before she collapsed.”

Nynaeve’s eyes moved to the dagger beside Moiraine’s head. “So, she kept the dagger of the Whitecloak as a trophy?”

The uncrowned king of Malkier chuckled at her words, then shook his head. “No, she didn’t. She buried it in the ground. She didn’t want to see it ever again.” He smiled when he remembered Moiraine burying a small hole with her own hands. That day, she hadn’t cared about the blood or dirt. “After that, we rode to the next big city, which was Tear. We found a tavern where we could clean ourselves, got a hot meal, and a comfortable bed. We decided to take a break and stayed for a few days. When Moiraine sent me out to gather information, I went to a blacksmith. After seeing my Aes Sedai fighting with nothing more than a dagger and her fists – standing her ground against men who were stronger than her by nature – I decided to buy her a dagger. Tear is known to have good steel, and I wanted her to have a blade that was worth her courage. It was my first gift to her.”

Realization hit Nynaeve, and her head turned to the Aes Sedai. Finally, she understood why Moiraine had clung to that stupid blade. It had been a gift from Lan – his first gift apart from becoming her Warder. Nynaeve had seen Moiraine’s bags. The woman didn’t travel with much baggage. There had been some clothes and books, but nothing personal.

Now, Nynaeve understood that Moiraine kept the important things close to her. This way, she couldn’t lose them so easily.

“What about the ring?” Nynaeve’s voice sounded hoarse, and she kept her eyes on the sleeping woman. She didn’t understand why Moiraine’s reasons for protecting this dagger moved her so much. It couldn’t be because they both loved the same man, right?

It was out of question that Lan heard the change in her voice, but he concentrated on answering her question. “The signet ring of the kings of Malkier.”

With wide eyes, Nynaeve looked at him. “The signet ring… of Malkier… Why don’t you have it?”

“Because I gave it to her.” Lan sounded irritated, as if this was a dumb question. “Once, she had to take off her serpent ring so no one would find out about her being an Aes Sedai. It had been hard for her, but she trusted me with it to keep it safe, though she was extremely nervous all day. This reminded me I had a ring myself which was important to me. A ring I couldn’t give away easily and never had thought about actually giving to someone. But at this moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. So, I offered her an exchange. She would keep my ring safe while I protected hers. When I returned her ring, I told her to keep mine until the day I would actually need it.”

The Wisdom felt like someone was choking her. Not just the dagger, but the ring was from Lan too. The two things Moiraine couldn’t let go of had a connection to the uncrowned king of Malkier. Nynaeve remembered Moiraine begging Lan not to take the dagger from her. Ask for anything else. The Aes Sedai might have pushed her Warder away, but in truth, she needed him very much since they had lost their bond, and the next best things were items she had received from him.

Suddenly, Lan stepped before her. “What is it?”

Nynaeve crossed her arms in front of her so she wasn’t tempted to touch him. “She loves you,” the young woman stated with a hoarse voice, which let an amused smile dance around Lan’s lips.

“Did you doubt she would?”

The Wisdom needed two attempts before she admitted, “No. I knew she loved you somehow. You’re her Warder, and I know the bond between an Aes Sedai and a Warder is strong, but… I guess I never imagined how deep her love for you is.”

Lan leaned in on her, his lips only inches away from hers. His warm breath mingled with hers, but then he looked at the sleeping Moiraine. Sighing, he pulled back. This was not the place to give in to his needs.

“I need to take care of my herbs,” Nynaeve explained with a pressed voice. She wasn’t sure if she was glad or sad about Lan’s retreat, but she did her best to keep her calm mask in place. From the look in Lan’s eyes, she wasn’t successful.

The uncrowned king of Malkier walked to the wall and leaned against it with crossed arms. This way, he could keep an eye on both women – one sleeping while the other was working. And they both held his heart in their hands.

Chapter Text

Sleepily, Moiraine opened her eyes and immediately realized she wasn’t in her room anymore. Her left hand was pulsing slightly and seemed to be wrapped with something. Blinking, the woman of the Blue Ajah took in her surroundings.

There wasn’t much to see. A small room with a window and a door. From what she was feeling, she lay on a table instead of a soft mattress. Her eyes fell on a person standing beside the window. Lan!

Her Warder stood with his back to her, staring out the window. He hadn’t noticed yet that she was awake.

The Aes Sedai tried to focus on their bond but was rewarded with silence. The bond was gone. Lan was gone! There was an empty space in her head which was usually occupied by his presence! She tried to unmask the bond but couldn’t touch Saidar. She was cut off from the One Power!

And then the memories returned. Rand. The Eye of the World. The Dark One. How he stilled her. Lan finding her, but she couldn’t unmask the bond. She couldn’t feel him anymore.

It pained her, and she remembered what she had done the last days to escape the pain. She remembered the sharp knife she had pulled over her skin. How she had watched her skin open under the blade, letting the blood run over her arm. The cuts had never been deep, but the pain had distracted her – at least for a moment.

But Lan had found out, and so had the Wisdom. She had been sitting in the inner courtyard where Lan had tried to take away her dagger. My dagger!

Alarmed, Moiraine’s eyes widened. Where was her dagger?! Lan hadn’t… she turned her head aside and found immediately what she had been looking for. The blade with the ivory-colored hilt lay right beside her head. At the same time, she remembered Lan placing it beside her when she had started drifting off to sleep. He had kept his word. He hadn’t taken the dagger from her. But what if he changed his mind?

Her eyes returned to Lan’s back. The man hadn’t moved. She needed to hide the blade before he noticed anything.

Carefully, Moiraine moved her healthy hand up until she could wrap her fingers around her property. Her dagger. Lan’s first gift to her. Relieved, she pulled it under the blanket, then lifted the fabric slightly to have a better look at her weapon. Her fingertips moved tenderly over the beautiful ornaments on the hilt – a movement she had repeated countless times over the years. She loved this dagger.

When Lan had given her this gift, she had finally been certain he had overcome his hate for Aes Sedai. This blade had been proof, he had started to like her. With a smile, the woman of the Blue Ajah remembered this particular moment. On this day, her heart had been full of love for this man, and their relationship had improved quickly afterward.

“You’re awake.”

Startled, she pulled her eyes from the ornaments. Lan stood beside her, and she hadn’t even noticed him. Very slowly, she lowered the dagger, pressing it close to her chest. Maybe Lan hadn’t seen what she had been doing.

But she saw how his eyes moved to her chest like he could look through the blanket. No, she couldn’t fool him. Even when he wasn’t looking, this man seemed to notice the slightest movement around him.

“How long was I gone?” Her voice sounded raspy, but she needed to distract Lan.

“A few hours.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb soothingly over her skin. Moiraine sighed happily and leaned into the touch. It felt so good. She didn’t see the tenderness on his face when he looked at her, studying every detail of her face.

“How do you feel?”

Moiraine opened her mouth, then saw the worry in Lan’s eyes. He wanted to help her, not judge her. “My hand pulses, but it’s been worse, and I still feel tired, but otherwise, I’m fine. Where is Nynaeve?”

“She left probably an hour ago. You were sleeping peacefully, so she said there would be no need for her to keep watching you. But she wants to check on you in the morning.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded. She remembered Nynaeve telling her that before she had fallen asleep. “Does this mean I can leave this room?”

Lan raised an eyebrow at her. “You will tell ME where you want to go, and I carry you there.”

Moiraine smiled. Her protective Warder. Always looking out for her. “My room. I’d like to get to bed.”

Her Warder couldn’t suppress a relieved sigh. He had hoped she would say that yet had been worried she could argue with him. It had been a long and exhausting day, and she needed sleep. “I’ll get you there.”

Carefully, the Cairhien woman pushed herself into a sitting position while the Malkieri collected her pants and boots. She thought about a good place to hide the dagger but realized she only wore her tunic and underwear. If Lan pulled off the blanket, he would see…

Grimacing, she pushed the dagger under her tunic. It was a lousy hiding spot, yet the best she could do in her situation.

Lan dropped her pants and boots in her lap, then placed his hands under her legs and on her back, pulling her into his arms and carrying her out.

The corridors were empty. Everyone was asleep, and Moiraine was glad no one was there to see her like this. Back in her room, Lan placed her on the bed before he took her pants, boots, and the blanket from her, putting them aside.

Moiraine crawled under her big blanket, pulling it up to her chin, then lay down. When Lan returned to the bed with her nightgown in his hands, he raised an eyebrow at her. “You still wear your tunic.”

“I’m too tired to change.”

“Are you?” The doubtful look in his eyes stayed.

Moiraine’s healthy hand started to sweat. Would he insist on changing or give up the fight for tonight? When he held out his hand toward her, the woman of the Blue Ajah got her answer. Lan wouldn’t look away. He knew exactly what she was hiding beneath her tunic.

Frustrated, she closed her eyes. How could she convince him to leave it with her? She wouldn’t hurt herself with it. She simply needed it close to her to draw comfort from it.

Quickly, Lan realized she wouldn’t give up the dagger freely, so he pulled back the blanket. Shocked, Moiraine opened her eyes and started to beg when she saw her Warder leaning over her. “No, no, no, no, no. Please, Lan. I did everything you asked of me.”

“You can’t sleep with it, Moiraine.”

Determined, she crossed her arms in front of her belly. “You promised not to take it from me.”

“And I’m not. The dagger is yours. But you can’t sleep with it. We’ll place it on your nightstand – where it will be within your reach at all times – while you sleep peacefully.”

Uncertain, Moiraine’s eyes fell on her nightstand. She knew Lan was right. If they placed it there, she could easily reach it whenever she wanted and also see it when she turned her head. Yet, the thought of losing the blade made her sick. It was her dagger. Lan’s first gift to her. She didn’t want to put it aside.

Lan’s hand moved under her tunic, grabbing the dagger. Before the Aes Sedai could hold him back, he had pulled out the weapon and leaned back.

“No!” Aching, she pushed her tired body into a sitting position. She wanted it back!

“Look at me, Moiraine.”

With teary eyes, the Cairhien woman watched the Malkieri placing the dagger on her nightstand – just like he had promised. Then he let go of it and held up his hands in defense. “Like I promised. Within your reach and eyesight while you’ll be sleeping.”

Still, Moiraine reached out her healthy hand to get it back. Sighing, Lan caught her hand. “Let’s change you into this nightgown.”

Moiraine didn’t care about the nightgown, her tunic, or sleeping naked. Maybe she should wait until Lan had left the room. Then she could get the dagger back without having another argument with him.

Her Warder helped her to get the tunic carefully over her head before he dressed her in her nightgown. She didn’t see how his eyes focused on the golden signet ring around her neck or how his breathing stopped for a moment. His ring. His ring gave her comfort. He never had thought about anyone ever carrying it but liked to see it hanging between Moiraine’s breasts. It looked good on her, and in his opinion, there was no better place to keep it safe.

Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier urged the woman to lie down again once she was dressed and tucked her in. Then he stood there while a plan emerged in his mind.

His ring and his first gift. Those two things helped her to fight against the darkness inside her. Although she had pushed him away, she pulled strength from two things that had a connection to him. Maybe she had pushed him away because she hadn’t known how to deal with her feelings, but in truth, she wanted him close to her. Well, it’s worth a try.

“Let me stay with you tonight.”

Puzzled, Moiraine looked at Lan. He didn’t meet her eyes, but she saw the grim line around his mouth. He wasn’t joking.

“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened at the Eye of the World and everything, and I promise I won’t ask you about it. But I want to stay with you tonight. I want to hold you, knowing you’re safe and alive.”

“Lan, you don’t have to-“

“I want to, Moiraine.”

Finally, he locked eyes with her, and she saw the plea in them – begging her not to push him away again. He was hurt – not physically, but nonetheless hurt. It had pained him deeply when he had found out about the cutting. As her Warder, he wanted to protect her at any time, even from herself.

It felt like hours to the woman of the Blue Ajah until her head moved up and down, nodding slowly and giving Lan the permission he had hoped for.

Quicker than she could imagine, the uncrowned king of Malkier got rid of his boots, sword, belt, and even his clothes. The only thing he left on was his underwear before he snuggled under her blanket.

Moiraine turned her back to him, allowing him to press himself against her. His body built a warm and secure shield around her while his arm lay protectively around her waist. The Aes Sedai closed her eyes and tried to focus on her Warder – on his calm breathing though his hot breath tickled her neck, the way his chest lifted and lowered, his muscular chest, and the warmth which radiated from him.

Maybe Nynaeve’s tea and the ointment still affected her, or it was Lan’s presence, but Moiraine felt tired. Her head became heavier, and sleep tugged at her.

“For how long do you wear my ring around your neck?”

“What?” Moiraine asked sleepily.

Lan’s hand reached up, touching the golden signet ring through the thin fabric of her gown. Immediately, the fatigue of the woman was blown away. Scared, her hand covered his like he could take the little jewelry from her.

Calmly, the Warder repeated his question. “When did you put my ring around your neck?”

The Aes Sedai gulped. “After we returned to Fal Dara,” she whispered. So, after she had started to push him away. “Forgive me. I should have asked permission before putting it on.”

“Don’t be silly.” He pressed a kiss on the back of her head. “I gave you the ring, so you would keep it safe until the day I needed it. I don’t recall telling you WHERE you had to keep it, did I?”

Images from the past appeared in front of Moiraine’s eyes. Her angry younger version, giving the golden serpent ring to a younger Lan, so the citizens of Amadicia – and mainly the Children of the Light – wouldn’t recognize her as Aes Sedai. Lan, who promised to return the ring to her once they had left the country. She had understood the necessity of it yet couldn’t suppress the anger within her. Her previous mare Arrow had endured her bad mood when she had saddled the horse harshly – which was not a good idea since anger could easily lead to mistakes.

And then Lan had showed her the golden signet ring of Malkier, telling her about its meaning and worth to him. “The ring is one of four things my parents left me, worn by countless kings of Malkier. In all those years, I never thought about giving it to anyone. There was never anyone worth my trust who would keep it safe as I do.”

Lan’s story had calmed Moiraine’s anger, and she remembered feeling foolish because of her behavior. At least, she could wear her ring whenever she wanted to – and when it was safe to wear it in public – but Lan couldn’t because his kingdom was taken over by the Blight. His ring was a constant reminder of what his fate should have been – what he could become if the Dark One were defeated.

And then he had offered an exchange. “Since I’m keeping your ring safe, you should have something from me. Would you keep an eye on this ring for me while I protect yours?”

Of course, she had accepted, but his action had warmed her heart. He had never trusted anyone with the ring but gave it to her to lighten her mood.

Yet, all the warmth she had felt for him at that moment hadn’t been even close to what she felt after she had wanted to return his ring once she had hers back. Thoughtfully, Lan’s younger version had rolled the little piece of jewelry between his fingers before asking her, “Would you continue to keep it safe?” His question had shocked her, but he had offered his ring to her once again – calmly as if it wasn’t hurting him. “I don’t know anyone better to protect it than you – my bonded Aes Sedai.”

Moiraine remembered she had mentioned it was supposed to be an exchange, but Lan had simply shrugged his shoulders and had told her she could see it as a long-time exchange until he would ask her to return it. She had been so honored by his gesture. No other woman before her had been worthy enough to protect the signet ring. She was the one Lan had chosen to carry it. He trusted her.

“Moiraine?”

Lan’s soft voice pulled the woman of the Blue Ajah out of her thoughts. Blinking, she tried to remember what they had talked about. It had been about his ring and… him not telling her where to hide it.

“No, you didn’t give me any conditions about where to keep it safe.”

Contently, Lan nodded and pressed another kiss on the back of her head. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

Thankfully, Moiraine squeezed his hand. He wouldn’t take the ring from her – not tonight. Although she was confident, her Warder would ask for it soon. She couldn’t ignore Nynaeve’s attraction toward Lan.

“Thank you for trusting me with it.”

Had she ever told him how much it meant to her – his imperturbable trust in her? Well, even if she had, she couldn’t remember.

The uncrowned king of Malkier pressed her closer against him, his nose buried in her dark locks. “I don’t know anyone better to protect it than you – my bonded Aes Sedai,” he whispered tenderly.

Repeating his words from all those years ago made her shiver. After all, she had done to him, his trust in her was as strong as it had been back then. Happily, she pulled his arm closer to her. Light, she had forgotten how much comfort his embraces gave her! What had she been thinking by pushing him away?!

They fell silent while sleep tugged at them. It had been a long day, and they both pulled comfort from each other.

“I love you.”

It had been only a whisper – a breath, actually – but it had needed to be said. After all she had done to him in the last couple of days, Lan needed to know she still loved him, though she had pushed him away.

“And I love you, Moiraine.” His repeat was as tender as hers.

No matter what she did, he would always love her – always be by her side. They were soulmates and belonged to each other – now and forever.