Chapter Text
Mafuyu feels cold. And numb. There's rain, but Mafuyu has long been unable to feel it fall on her. Nothing can compare to the void that has been opened up inside her.
Mafuyu doesn't know where she is, but nor does that matter. Her feet move automatically beneath her and she thinks that it would maybe be okay to wander in this darkness forever. To not see. To not think. To not feel. Because she knew – knew that something terrible was lurking behind the curtain of numbness.
"...Mafuyu!?"
Did she recognize that voice? It sounded like –
Kanade. The person who promised to save her. The person who told her she would never leave her. The person who always tried to consider Mafuyu's feelings, even though Mafuyu had no idea what her feelings were.
A streak of white enters her vision, and Mafuyu refocuses her eyes to find Kanade in front of her, out of breath, wearing a worried expression.
"...Kanade…" Mafuyu says brokenly, voice barely audible above the sound of falling rain.
“Mafuyu…” Kanade says her name softly, gently, like snow falling in the winter.
Kanade. The rain is cold, but now that Kanade is here Mafuyu thinks she feels a flicker of warmth in her chest. Mafuyu can feel tears starting to leak from her eyes.
Kanade sweeps her into a hug and Mafuyu drops her head onto Kanade’s shoulder.
Kanade. It feels like something inside her has burst open and Mafuyu can't help but sob uncontrollably.
"...Kanade, I..! I told her everything! I told my mom.. But… but!” Mafuyu chokes out.
Mafuyu can feel Kanade running her hand down her back, attempting to comfort her.
“..Mafuyu..” Kanade responds, sounding like she was in pain too.
“Why? Why am I.. here..? Mom got really angry.. And she looked so sad… But I… I…” Mafuyu can’t think. Everything hurts too much. It’s hard to speak, to give words to what she is experiencing right now.
Mafuyu rasps, “Is this.. all my fault?” I made my mom sad. If I had focused on studying and never done music then. Then I wouldn’t have met Kanade, or Ena, or Mizuki but then –
“I just..don’t get it anymore…” Mafuyu cries tiredly, burying her face deeper into Kanade’s shoulder.
She feels Kanade breathe in shakily to tell her it would be okay, that everything would be alright.
Mafuyu closes her eyes. If all she focuses on is Kanade, the maelstrom brewing inside is lessened, calmed.
Mafuyu doesn't know how long she stands there out in the rain with Kanade gently comforting her. It's as if Kanade's warmth made everything else fall away.
But eventually after Mafuyu stops shaking from her feelings and starts shivering from the cold, Kanade takes her hand and silently leads them to her home.
Everything after that is a blur, but Mafuyu finds herself taking a shower at Kanade’s insistence that she warm herself up after standing in the rain for so long.
No matter how long Mafuyu lets the hot water run over her, she still feels cold inside. She made her mom cry, she was a bad daughter, she–
A knock sounds on the bathroom door.
"Mafuyu, I got a change of clothes for you. Mizuki said they were your size," Kanade informs her, "I'll leave them by the door."
"Okay," Mafuyu acknowledges.
Mafuyu doesn’t want to move. The sound of the shower and the feeling of water running over her skin helps suppress some of the many thoughts that swirl chaotically in her mind.
It’s still not enough.
Mafuyu still doesn’t feel any warmer.
Letting out a shaky sigh, Mafuyu prepares to get out of the shower and back to… to everything. She turns the water off, dries herself, and puts on the clothes Kanade had set aside for her.
They seem to fit her well – Mizuki is around the same height as her after all.
Mafuyu steps out of the bathroom to find Kanade standing in the living room with a towel wrapped around her shoulders and messaging on her phone.
Her stomach lurches as she’s reminded of her own broken smartphone sitting in her bag.
"I told Ena and Mizuki that you were safe here with me. We were all worrying about how your mother would respond. We all met in the SEKAI for a short period of time while you were still in the shower…" Kanade glances at Mafuyu worriedly, "I'm sorry we didn't tell you."
"It's okay," Mafuyu replies.
"While I was there, Mizuki gave me several changes of clothes in your size and Ena brought along a bag of items like a toothbrush since my house didn’t have extras," Kanade further explains.
"...Thank you. I’m sorry for making everyone worried," Mafuyu apologizes. It seemed that she had made everyone in her life troubled, first her mom, and then the entirety of Niigo.
Kanade shakes her head, "You are one of us, of course we would help you."
Although her mother had told her that only she cared about her, Mafuyu finds that she can't believe her mom's words.
Kanade, Ena, and Mizuki all care about me. That is the only explanation why they searched for me. That is why they gave me all of these things.
"Have you eaten dinner yet?" Kanade prompts.
Mafuyu shakes her head, "No."
"I can only make cup noodles, is that okay? Mochizuki hasn't come by yet this week," Kanade says apologetically.
"I don't mind," Mafuyu states. It didn't matter what kind of food is put in front of her, it would ultimately be the same to her.
“Okay, I’ll go prepare the noodles then,” Kanade responds, leaving the living room area.
As the din from Kanade’s preparation of the cup noodles echo around the kitchen, Mafuyu stares blankly at the wall opposite of her.
It hasn’t even been an hour and everything in Mafuyu’s life feels like it has been flipped upside down.
She told her mom how she felt.
Her mom cried.
Her mom told her it was for her own good.
Mafuyu felt cold.
Her mom cried.
Her mom said everything was for her.
Mafuyu felt like she couldn’t speak.
Her mom cried.
Her mom pleaded with her.
Mafuyu felt pain in her chest.
Her mom cried.
Her mom asked her to start over.
Mafuyu felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Mafuyu ran away.
She ran away – what will happen to Mom now – because it was too painful to stay. Was she feeling the regret that her mom spoke of right now? Mafuyu’s hands briefly ball into fists before unclenching again. Maybe she could still go back now, apologize for everything she’s done, and make her mother happy again.
At the thought of returning to her mother, Mafuyu’s head feels dizzy and her breaths get shorter and shorter until she starts gasping for air. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to block out her thoughts.
Mafuyu hears the shuffle of footsteps near her, and blinks open her eyes to be greeted by the sight of Kanade holding two containers of cup noodles with chopsticks precariously balanced on top of them. Kanade has a sad expression on her face.
“Are you okay?” Mafuyu manages to ask.
Kanade’s eyes flicker with surprise, but her expression changes to a small smile.
“I’m fine. More importantly…here is yours,” Kanade says, handing one of the cup noodles to Mafuyu.
As Mafuyu removes the chopsticks and lifts the lid, Kanade warns her, “Careful, it’s still hot.”
Mafuyu dips her head in acknowledgement and blows on her noodles before taking a bite.
Mafuyu still couldn’t taste anything, but the noodles made her feel warm inside.
It’s strange. Mafuyu knows her mom – how could you leave her behin– is an excellent cook. Her dad had said so. Her mom’s friends said so. Everyone said so.
She also knows that cup noodles are cheap food. But… Why is it that these noodles made her chest feel lighter? Why does it seem to clear Mafuyu’s worries? It doesn’t make any sense.
Nothing makes sense.
Mafuyu abandons her train of thought – she feels too exhausted, mentally and physically.
“Are the cup noodles okay?” Kanade asks hesitantly.
“...They’re fine,” Mafuyu replies and focuses on picking up more noodles.
“Mochizuki will be coming over in two days, so we will be able to eat homemade food then. I do have other ingredients in the house, but I don’t know how to cook well,” Kanade says apologetically, “But if you want to cook something with them, you can.”
“Okay,” Mafuyu responds. She looks down at her cup noodles and warms her still slightly shaking hands on the container.
She sees Kanade’s gaze drop down to her hands before flicking back up to make eye contact with Mafuyu.
“After you finish eating, you can rest on my bed,” Kanade offers, “You’ve had a long day.”
"Where will you sleep?" Mafuyu asks. Did Kanade plan on staying up tonight?
"I can sleep with a futon I have," Kanade replies.
"I am a guest here, I should be the one to sleep with the futon," Mafuyu argues.
"You are the guest here, so you should have the bed," Kanade says firmly.
There's a worried look in Kanade's eyes, and so Mafuyu relents, "Okay."
Kanade stares blankly at several empty music sheets on her desk, lost in thought. At least Mafuyu had taken Kanade's suggestion seemingly to heart and was tucked away underneath a few blankets, fast asleep.
Kanade originally had wanted to get started composing a new song as soon as possible, but she suspects that she is also too distracted by today's events.
Kanade had been so worried. First, Mafuyu didn't join them for the commemoration of the new song. That alone wasn't worrying, but the fact that Mafuyu had not contacted them about being unable to join had made Kanade start suspecting that something had happened. After all, Mafuyu would never break her word without reason, or at least inform them about it. She feared for the worst when they couldn't find Mafuyu anywhere – not her school, the family restaurant, the shopping mall, nor any of their usual haunts. When Luka told her that Mafuyu decided to confront her mother… Kanade shivers at the thought.
Kanade remembers when she had a meeting with Mafuyu's mom. The amount of condescension staring down at her, the feelings of fear and coldness rising in Kanade the more they talked. She remembers how Mafuyu's mother had seemed open-minded and caring at first, all smiles and pleasantries.
Mafuyu’s mom seemed like she could be reasoned with, that it was only a matter of ignorance for why Mafuyu was being hurt.
Kanade grimaces at the memory.
Even though Mafuyu's mom never stopped being polite or cordial with Kanade, she noticed that the smiles never quite reached the older woman's eyes. Mafuyu had to deal with this woman everyday. Kanade wonders, if she had to live in such a cold house, would she also be like Mafuyu? Guilt still weighed heavily on Kanade's heart, but she never had to once question who she was or what she liked.
In the end, they were all lucky that Mafuyu's smartphone wasn't completely broken either. If it was… Kanade didn't want to imagine what would have happened to Mafuyu. The virtual singers were able to give Mafuyu emotional support, locate her for the rest of Niigo, and finally help her find Mafuyu to bring her somewhere safe.
As relieved as Kanade was that Mafuyu was away from her mother now, she knew that eventually Mafuyu's mother would come looking for Mafuyu. A surge of protectiveness overcomes Kanade. Maybe she nor Niigo had the power to stop Mafuyu's mom from taking her back, but Kanade would fight for Mafuyu every step of the way.
She's startled out of her thoughts as she hears whimpers behind her.
"Mafuyu?" Kanade calls out, but there's no answer from the other girl.
Concerned, Kanade goes over to her bed and sees Mafuyu's eyes shut, but incoherent words tumble out of Mafuyu's mouth.
Kanade thinks she can make out the words "don't go", "stop", and "sorry" and Kanade's breath catches. Kanade wishes she could do more, that she could actually take away Mafuyu's pain. But she knows that there's nothing she can do except to keep composing songs in hope that one of them would save Mafuyu or to just try her best to be there for her. Confronting and dealing with her mother was always going to be Mafuyu's job alone. If Kanade could do that for Mafuyu too, she would do it in a heartbeat.
But if it's just the situation right in front of her, maybe Kanade could do something about it.
Kanade takes Mafuyu's hand and murmurs softly, "It'll be okay. I won't ever leave your side."
Kanade gently strokes the back of Mafuyu's hand with her thumb until she hears Mafuyu's breaths slow down to a steady pace.
Leaving Mafuyu didn't seem like a good idea right now, and Kanade wasn't really making any new progress on the next song either. So, careful as to not disturb Mafuyu's sleep, Kanade also crawls into the bed. She settles herself in and double checks to make sure Mafuyu hasn't been woken up. Satisfied, Kanade whispers one last goodnight into the darkness and closes her eyes.