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Chapter Text

"Stay away from me, Luo Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu swept his rich robe as he turned, his hands covering the fangs that had protruded from his gums. "I'm a monster!" 

"No, Shizun!" I crie Luo Binghe cried. Daring to disrespect the peerlessly beautiful immortal, this lowly disci Binghe grabbed onto the elder's sleeve. 

Shen Qingqiu looked back with hunger clear on his sharp face, assessing Binghe like he was a piece of meat to be devoured.

"Please…" Shyly, Binghe opened his outer robe, pulling the fabric to reveal his milky neck as he averted his eyes bashfully. "You're hungry…" 

Shen Qingqiu shut his eyes. "I can't… you're too delicious… I won't be able to stop myself from-" 

"Binghe?" 

Binghe was proud to say he did not scream. “Shizun!” 

In the doorway stood Shen Qingqiu: the peak lord of Qing Jing, the immortal Xiu Ya sword, and the love of Binghe’s life. The man was a mix of beautiful light green robes (that Binghe had washed himself!), silky black hair (that Binghe had helped put up this morning!), and warm brown eyes (that Binghe loved to stare into…)

Shen Qingqiu stood on the threshold to Binghe’s room, his hand still on the door as he assessed his disciple. Binghe paled as he followed his eyes and found them on the parchment in his hands. 

“This- this is-” Binghe trembled. 

Shen Qingqiu merely watched him, amusement clear on his face. “Disobeying this master’s orders to relax, and using your day off to continue your studies… aiyah, I really have quite the disciple on my hands.” 

Binghe blinked. The relief was nearly euphoric when he pushed the scroll away from sight. “Yes, this… this disciple apologizes for… studying.” 

Shen Qingqiu hid his lovely face behind a fan and Binghe immediately wanted to cry and throw up at the loss. 

“Binghe… how old is Binghe now?” 

Binghe answered dutifully. "This disciple will become sixteen in a month, Shizun!" 

His master nodded consideringly. He then snapped his fan shut (so elegantly!) and gently slid shut the door behind him. 

Binghe gaped as the peak lord moved towards him and promptly sat down on Binghe's bed. His bed! Where he slept…! And dreamt about Shizun…

The peak lord's own bed was much grander, soft with feather filled pillows and layers of silk. Nothing like a simple disciples mat. Yet Shen Qingqiu took his seat as if he was not debasing himself as an immortal with such pitiful comfort! So talented and refined, yet still so humble… Binghe was falling in love all over again. 

"Fifteen, hmm?" Shen Qingqiu smiled. Binghe's heart fluttered. "At your age…" The older man shifted closer, his perfect face close enough for Binghe to be distracted by light pink lips. "...you must be thinking about only one thing." 

Binghe's face was aflame. “Shizun!” 

“It’s quite alright, Binghe.” Shizun offered soothingly. “Binghe has finally made a breakthrough with his cultivation. Surely he is thinking about matters he didn’t previously have time to consider?” 

That was true. Binghe had been too busy trying to not die in a shed figure out his cultivation manual to write stories of his Shizun being intimate with him! 

“It’s alright, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu whispered. Binghe couldn’t completely keep himself from gasping at the warm breath on his ear. “This master understands. If Binghe wants to take some time off the peak and learn about his parents, he will be given approval to do so.” 

Binghe pulled his eyes away from that sinful mouth with great difficulty. "Parents?" 

“Your birth parents,” Shen Qingqiu nodded. “I’m aware you were raised by the washerwoman who adopted you. Perhaps… your future may be less uncertain if you learned more about your beginnings?”  

As always, shizun was looking out for him! Binghe swooned and shook his head. “That’s not necessary, shizun.” Binghe smiled shyly at the older man. “All I need is my mother… and you.” 

Shen Qingqiu’s cheeks flushed a slight pink. The sight was pure adrenaline for Binghe’s veins, made infinitely better when his shizun smacked him lightly with his fan. “Who are you comparing to your mother! Hmph!” 

Binghe loved his shizun even when the man's thin face couldn’t handle his affections. 

Shen Qingqiu spent the rest of the afternoon in Binghe’s room, the two of them sitting on his bed together, telling Binghe about rare recipes from his hometown and ranting about badly written novels. 

Three weeks away from his birthday, Binghe finished his chores early and ran into his shizun heading towards the peaks’ shared gardens. Shen Qingqiu invited Binghe along, of course, and despite the fact that Binghe had his own weapon on him, shizun held him in his arms gently as Binghe straddled shizun’s sword. (No, he wasn’t stradling that sword.) They walked around the woods until they reached a fork in the road, and Shen Qingqiu asked which way Binghe wanted to go. 

In another life, Luo Binghe voted for the lake. In that world, they found Qi Qingqi lounging by the water with her head disciple, Liu Mingyan, and Shen Qingqiu nudged forward an uninterested Binghe. Liu Mingyan watched with fascination as Binghe ignored her every word to stare at his Shizun, seething at the way he laughed with his fellow peak lord. Once the day had gotten dark, Binghe dragged Shen Qingqiu back to their shared bamboo house, where he put as much effort into dinner as possible to win back his teacher’s attention. Their days passed peacefully, until Shen Qingqiu pushed Binghe into the abyss at the Immortal Alliance Conference, and discovered Shang Qinghua was a transmigrator, and ran into Binghe three years later, and so on, and so forth.

In this world, Binghe tugged onto Shen Qingqiu’s sleeve and pulled him the opposite way. 

“Shizun, it’s nearing autumn! Let’s see the trees change colour down the path!” Binghe clung to Shen Qingqiu’s arms. His shizun was so sweet! All Binghe had to do was trip on his own feet once, and now shizun let him stick to his side for support everyday! Binghe had to find more ways to injure himself… he’d quickly become a glutton for his shizun’s distraught doting. 

Walking through the yellowing leaves, their discussions were aimless. How was Binghe’s training going? What book was he currently reading? Was he making any progress with any girls? 

The last question had Binghe pouting as he gripped onto the taller man. The two halted under a large ginkgo tree when Binghe declared, “I don’t want any girls, shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu blinked back at him before he shook his head fondly. “Don’t say that, Binghe. How will you ever get a wife with that attitude?” The dismissal was so… infantilizing. Binghe wanted to cry. 

“I don’t want a wife!” His voice cracked and Binghe wanted to fling himself off the cliff forever. Really, his growing pains were never this awkward before shizun’s personality-altering qi deviation! Nevertheless, Binghe soldiered on. “I want to stay with shizun forever and ever! I don’t want to marry someone else!” 

“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu yelped. Binghe stared in awe at the pink hue colouring his shizun’s cheeks, his eyes and lips open wide on his flustered, beautiful face. Binghe wanted that expression painted and preserved for centuries. 

The expression wasn’t even preserved for five seconds. 

“ Pfwah!? ” Shang Qinghua sputtered at the scene, and Shen Qingqiu, immediately looked away from Binghe, hiding behind his fan.  

In his heart, Binghe cursed his Shang-shishu to the deepest part of hell. 

Shang Qinghua was a pathetic little rodent of a man. His posture was terrible from constantly making himself appear as small as possible, his hair thrown up in a lazy bun, his clothes so unrefined that shizun would never even let a disciple dress in such a sloppy manner! When Shen Qingqiu finally let his gaze land on the other peak lord, he greeted the short man in a dry, cold tone. “Shidi. What brings you here.” 

Binghe wanted to punch the air. Shizun was never that reserved and frosty with anyone! He was always so warm and kind! Why did Shang-shishu get special treatment!?

“A-ah, just, um,” Shang Qinghua stuttered. He looked frantically between Shen Qingqiu, standing tall and proud, and Binghe, clinging to his shizun’s arm after his bold declaration. “I… uh… Mu-shidi asked for a special herb, and this peak lord remembered there were some around the Cang Qiong gardens, so… sorry to interrupt…” 

Shizun’s fan was a double edged sword at times- Binghe could not see his pink face, but the fact that his face was hidden at all said enough. “Interrupt what!?” Shizun demanded. 

“Nothing!! Nothing at all!” Shang Qinghua squeaked out. 

Then he gave Binghe and his teacher a look that obviously showed he knew he’d interrupted something of great importance. Desperate to put the previous scene behind them, a vein bulged on Shen Qingqiu’s forehead as he grit out, “What. Herb. Is. Shidi. Searching. For.” 

In this world, Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe ran into Shang Qinghua instead of Qi Qingqi on their walk, and drastically changed their futures. 

As the three looked over the various plants, Binghe followed behind the two peak lords. It was respectful. Shizun never asked Binghe to be respectful when they were alone. 

Tired of Shang Qinghua’s relentless babbling, Binghe interrupted the peak lord’s one sided conversation with his shixiong. “Shizun! What should we have for dinner once we’re home?” 

Shang Qinghua looked alarmed by that. Shen Qingqiu was delighted at the thought of Binghe’s food, as always. “Anything Binghe decides on is fine.” 

Shang Qinghua gave a hungry whine. Binghe ignored it. “Shizun, shizun, how about that cheese dish you told this one about? I have the dough risen and ready!” 

"Man," Shang Qinghua muttered to himself pathetically, so quietly that Binghe barely heard. "My stallion protagonist is a malewife now…" 

Shen Qingqiu froze, whipping his head around to stare at the shorter man. Under the scrutiny, Shang Qinghua yelped and averted his eyes, nervous sweat building on his neck. 

"Binghe," Shen Qingqiu called. Binghe was by his side in a second, ready to serve, but Shizun didn't even look at him. His eyes were focused on Shang Qinghua with an intensity that Binghe had only seen a handful of times during his time at Qing Jing. "Your shishu and I have matters to discuss privately. You may return." 

Neither of Shen Qingqiu’s companions were expecting that. Shizun was already eyeing Shang Qinghua with a heated gaze. How could Binghe leave them together!? Shizun’s harem was already far too large!

"But, Shizun!" Binghe caught the peak lord's extravagant sleeve desperately. "Why does Shizun need to be alone with him!?" 

Usually, Shen Qingqiu would see Binghe’s whining display and give in with a soft smile and soothing words. Today, he pulled the cloth out of Binghe’s hands and scowled back. “Since when does this master have to explain his actions to his disciples? Return to Qing Jing and practise through this week’s lessons.” 

The words were like a sword through his chest. Being pushed into the abyss would have hurt less! 

That being said… Shizun was also very beautiful when he scolded Binghe like this…

"This lowly disciple apologizes for forgetting his place," Binghe stated with a bow. There were tears in his eyes when he rode back to the bamboo house- whether they were tears of shame or arousal, he couldn't say, but there were certainly tears. 

Shizun had chased Binghe away to spend time with Shang Qinghua. Again. 

The man had instructed Binghe to, “go play with your shijie or something,” so that’s what Binghe had done. 

While Ning Yingying swung her sword at the practice dummy, Binghe sat by the flowers, staring into a hand mirror and arranging his hair. It was an odd reversal of how they might have behaved two years ago. 

“Shijie,” Binghe called. 

Ning-shijie spun to face Binghe, sweat running down her face while she panted. “Yes, A-Luo?” 

Binghe didn’t look her way, staring at his reflection. “Do you think I’m good looking?”

The girl raised an amused eyebrow but grinned regardless. “A-Luo is the most beautiful man in the world!” 

Binghe wanted to hear those words from his shizun instead, but he preened anyway. “More attractive than Shang-shishu, right?” 

“Hmm…” Ning Yingying stabbed her sword into the grass, leaving it to stand on its own as she pondered the question. After a moment she shook her head. “I think Shang-shishu is more handsome.” 

The mirror fell to the ground and Binghe stared at his shijie. “What!?” 

“Shizun said what makes a man really attractive isn’t his face, but his status.” Yingying explained. “It’s a very secret technique only female cultivators can learn, called ‘chasing the bag!’” She shrugged. “You’re a disciple and he’s a peak lord. The winner is clear, isn’t it?” 

A sob escaped Binghe. “Shizun- he-he said- he said that!?” 

“Aww, A-Luo…” Yingying patted his shoulder soothingly. “I wish I could help you, but shizun also said women shouldn’t perform emotional labour for men without pay.” Yingying walked away and picked up her sword again. “Can you go cry somewhere else?” 

Luo Binghe was not jealous of Shang Qinghua. 

Binghe and his Shizun were inseparable! They slept under the same roof, they had their dinners together, Shizun protected him over and over, with his own life-

So when Shizun and Shang-shishu began sending Binghe away to speak in private, Binghe was not jealous. No matter what, it was Binghe that Shizun came home to everyday! Binghe was the first to greet him every morning, waking his beloved with breakfast like a dutiful wife. Binghe was the last to see him every night, wishing him proper rest after clearing away their soft candlelit evening meal… 

On the rare moments Binghe let his imagination run wild, he imagined himself as an immortal cultivator like his shizun. He imagined being shizun’s disciple for the rest of time, the two of them spending centuries on end in their little bamboo house, just them…

One lovely, beautiful evening, Shizun wandered into the kitchen, barely dressed. In only two layers, he shuffled over to the stove, leaning down to inhale the scent of Binghe’s cooking. Binghe might as well have ascended when Shen Qingqiu’s hand stroked through his hair, their bodies pressed hip to hip to surround the small oven. Shizun commented idly how delicious the meal would no doubt be, and Binghe melted at the intimacy and domesticity of the scene. 

Then. THEN. 

“Oh, no need to make so much today, Binghe,” Shizun called out offhandedly as he threw on an outer layer. “This master won't be joining you for dinner. I’ll be staying late at An Ding while discussing some things with your Shang-shishu.” 

Shen Qingqiu then closed the door on Binghe’s face and rode off the peak. Binghe put away the food and pulled out his journal and pen, coping the best way he knew how:

“I bought Luo Binghe, so from now on, he belongs to me as my sex servant to use however I please!” Shen Qingqiu announced to everyone watching…

Binghe was not quick to anger. In fact, one would think he was incapable of it. When his shixiongs pushed their chores onto him, Binghe only thanked them for giving him more training to become stronger. Any insult was criticism he could use to become better. Even on the coldest nights he spent in his old woodshed, he'd never cursed the peak. 

When Shang Qinghua happily pranced into the bamboo house- when Shang Qinghua referenced some ‘meme’ and made shizun laugh harder than Binghe had ever heard- when Shang Qinghua slung his arm around Shen Qingqiu's shoulders like dear friends-!! Shang Qinghua made Binghe feel hate for the first time in his life. 

Binghe was stewing in his own misery when Ming Fan barged in, dropping half a dozen scrolls onto Binghe’s desk. 

“... can this shidi help shixiong?” 

Binghe relished in the envious way his shixiong stared holes at Binghe’s bedroom wall, the very wall that separated his room from Shen Qingqiu’s. “Deliver these to An Ding,” Ming Fan ordered gruffly.

Binghe did not want to see his Shang-shishu. He saw him more than enough when the man intruded into his and shizun’s home, or when the little mouse of a man stole shizun away to go who knows where to do who knows what!!

Taking note of the loathing look directed at the documents, Ming Fan smacked the back of Binghe’s head. “They’re handwritten by shizun! If you’re careless with them, don’t expect to eat for a week!” 

Shizun had long left those cruel practices. And besides, Binghe would rather go hungry for a month than give Shang Qinghua so many letters written so carefully with shizun’s lovely penmanship…

Binghe dropped the papers off onto one of the An Ding disciples, telling her to deliver them to her peak lord on his behalf. Upon returning home there was only one way to unwind from the long week! Ready to write down his latest fantasy of being loved by shizun, he grabbed his scroll and opened it up eagerly.

The sun-dew mushroom resides in Huan Hua territory. Riding on swords, while efficient, would be a recipe for political disaster, and Yue Qingyuan would endlessly question the sect’s funds being used for a carriage when-

This was not Binghe's writing. 

1. DENIAL

It couldn’t be… it couldn’t! Surely, Binghe had just misplaced it! Uncaring for the noise he was making, Binghe desperately pulled out all his drawers, throwing his clothes out carelessly in order to unveil his written dreams. Surrounded by all his meagre belongings thrown this way and that, he could no longer pretend he was not in danger. 

2. ANGER

None of this would be happening if it weren’t for Ming Fan scattering the papers everywhere! No, it wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for Shang Qinghua and his greedy hands trying to take shizun! Binghe grabbed Zheng Yang and dashed out the bamboo house, even going as far as ignoring his Shizun’s startled call for his name. He had to get to An Ding as soon as possible!

3. BARGAINING

There were so many scrolls that Shizun had asked him to deliver! And Shizun liked to go on many tangents, especially when it came to research on plants and monsters! Perhaps Shang Qinghua hadn’t gotten to reading that particular one yet! The An Ding disciples always liked to complain they were so busy, perhaps Shang Qinghua hadn’t read any of them yet! Ignoring the An Ding disciples’ offended cries as he ran through the peak, Binghe threw open the doors to the sect leader’s office and-

4. DEPRESSION

“NOOO!” Binghe screamed. At the sudden shout, his Shang-shishu dropped the scroll in surprise, leaving it to bounce off the floor and roll open further to display everything Binghe had written. 

“Ah, master! You’re being so rough!” Luo Binghe sobbed. His sadistic teacher was unforgiving, spanking his soft bottom without reprieve. “Please, Shizun, have mercy on this disciple!” 

“You dare give orders to your master?” Another slap landed on Binghe’s-

“Don't look!” Binghe lunged forward to scoop up the paper in his arms, tears escaping his eyes as he struggled to hide the words. Shang-shishu would tell shizun…! And shizun would be disgusted! And he’d kick Binghe off the peak! And their future together… Binghe’s wish of being the one to cook Shen Qingqiu breakfast every single day for eternity…

Binghe was outright sobbing as he clutched the paper against his chest. 

Shang Qinghua seemed to finally find his voice. “Wait, this was… Luo Binghe , you wrote this!?” 

5. ACCEPTANCE

There was no point attempting to lie his way out of this… “Yes,” Binghe admitted. He shamefully hung his head. “This-” Binghe sniffled. “This lowly disciple will take any, hic , punishment to redeem himself!” 

Shang Qinghua stared at him. Then broke out into hysterical laughter.

6. ???

“Oh my god,” Shang Qinghua exclaimed. “My protagonist and my anti-fan. The plot is fucked .” 

Chapter Text

Contrary to the comments of a certain Cucumber-bro, Shang Qinghua did have a reason for describing his scum villain as peerlessly beautiful. Before Shen Jiu got nerfed into a typical low-IQ villain who was cruel for the sake of being cruel, he projected himself as a perfect man so no one would figure out his tragic beginnings. He showed the world a strong peak lord so people would not see a weak and abused slave, and showed the world a pretty face so they would not see his ugly crimes. 

Now his own protagonist had fallen for the man! Binghe, how were you any better than those fangirls with zero reading comprehension commenting ‘if evil why hot’ on all his updates!? 

Binghe refused to meet his gaze, still nervously biting at his lip as Qinghua served him some snacks that resolutely went untouched. 

“So,” Shang Qinghua started. "You and Shen Qingqiu…" 

His stallion protagonist sniffled across from him. Qinghua was sure he’d written him as someone strong and resilient. So what was with this complete loser he was looking at? “Will you tell shizun?” 

Haha, Binghe! Did this peak lord look like he wanted to die that badly!? Honestly, if Cucumber-bro didn’t put him out of his misery for saying something so absurd, he didn’t want to know what Binghe and Xin Mo would do to him ten years from now! 

“Of course not!” Shang Qinghua smiled. “I won’t say a word! Unless you want me to? I can put in a good word, ahaha…”

…what? Shang Qinghua was canon fodder destined to be killed gruesomely. He had to farm gratitude from the protagonist where he could.  

It was a good thing too, because Shang Qinghua was being subjected to the pre-blackened Luo Binghe’s big puppy eyes!! His son was so cute, what the hell!! “Shishu really won’t tell…?” Binghe wiped a tear off his angelic face. “Shang-shishu! This disciple apologizes for all the things I’ve thought about you!” 

Huh? Binghe, what things had you thought about him? Had they ever even had a conversation before this moment? Whatever, what mattered was he had Binghe in his favor now! 

“That’s right, that’s right! Your shishu is here to look out for you!” Not too much, though! The system won’t let him help when you’re experiencing The Horrors. Sorry, Binghe. Shang Qinghua leaned back in his seat. “Your shizun and I are close friends from the same home town! I can help you romance him!” At Binghe’s overjoyed eyes, he got a bit carried away. “I can even be like your dad!” 

Binghe frowned at that. “This one does not need Shang-shisu to be his father. I already have shizun.” 

Was… was that what their dynamic was? His bro had said he’d been nicer to Binghe… it would make sense if Binghe latched onto his shizun as a father figure, considering he would be the first man to ever treat Binghe with kindness. “Shen Qinqiu is your father?” 

Luo Binghe, future demonic emperor of the three realms, made a face so disgustingly horny even those freaks who wore ahegao hoodies in public would be embarrassed. “Shizun is my everything .” 

Ah. Disturbing. Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky lit a candle for Cucumber-bro in his heart. Being the object of a demon lord’s affections was no easy task! But! But. Shang Qinghua had to look out for himself first and foremost, even if it meant throwing his bro under the bus a bit. Which is why he patted his son’s shoulder with a smile. 

“Let me tell you! All men want the same thing, Luo Binghe. You have to grovel to him...” 

The garment Shang-shishu had given him was… 

Binghe looked at the mirror in disbelief. The black dress was so short the skirt didn’t even cover his knees! That’s right, his legs were completely bare! Not even a single layer! 

Shang-shishu had insisted it was vital to keep the look exactly as he’d described. While Binghe tied the apron over the dress, he couldn’t help feeling a bit glum. Dressed this scantily, wouldn’t he look exactly like that exhibitionsit perverted demoness that got shizun poisoned? 

There was no time to second guess the situation- once he heard the door of the bamboo house open, Binghe hurriedly fixed the lacy headpiece onto his head and rushed into the hallway. 

Binghe had always been a quick learner, a trait he was thankful for as he bowed just the way his Shang-shishu had taught him to. As demurely as he could manage, he looked up through his lashes for his shizun. “Welcome home, master.” 

Shen Qingqiu froze in the doorway, his eyes glued onto Binghe’s form. Binghe blushed. Shizun wasn’t even hiding behind his fan as he eyed his disciple! 

After a moment of silence, the older man finally found his voice. “Binghe. What am I looking at.” 

“Shang-shishu said this is what maids wear in shizun’s hometown.” Binghe twirled, and the pleated fabric raised momentarily to show off even more of his thigh. A sense of triumph raised in Binghe’s chest when Shen Qingqiu’s mouth fell open at the motion. “This disciple thought he’d wear it to clean for today! To make shizun feel more at home…” 

Shizun’s face took on a rosy tint, and Binghe felt euphoric. The peak lord covered his eyes with a hand, resolutely refusing to look in Binghe’s direction. “Luo Binghe, take that off this instant!” 

Binghe’s stomach turned as his heart rabbited into his throat. “Shizun!? R-really!?” 

“Yes! Now!” 

The… dress had affected shizun this much…! 

“If-if that’s what shizun wishes…” With his face aflame, Binghe bashfully reached for his collar, slowly unbuttoning the cloth hiding his chest. 

After a few seconds, Shen Qingqiu finally looked his way, and immediately interrupted the quiet with a shriek. “What are you doing!?”

Binghe blinked in confusion, his hands stopping at the fifth button. “Taking it off as you ordered, shizun.” 

Binghe watched with fascination as his shizun buried his face in his hands, his red ears poking out through his long locks. Voice muffled through his palms, shizun said, “In your room, Binghe! Take it off in your room! And put on something else!” 

O-oh… in his room. This…! This was really happening! 

Binghe's legs felt they could not support him for long, and his face became impossibly hotter, but he nodded. "I see… this… this disciple will change into something suitable for bed and wait for shizun…" 

The fan in Shen Qingqiu’s hand snapped in half. Impressive! The sect leader had it created with a mystical, durable wood specifically so shizun wouldn’t break his gift! Shizun’s strength was truly incomparable… what an amazing man. 

“This. Master.” Shizun inhaled a deep breath before continuing. “Will be visiting your Shang-shishu to discuss this.” 

“Shizun, wait!” Binghe called out to Shen Qingqiu’s retreating form, but the man had taken off like a rocket. Left alone in the house, Binghe waited for his shizun to return. After several hours, Binghe dejectedly changed out of the dress and started dinner. 

When Shen Qingqiu finally returned, he entertained no discussion of their morning. “Forget the entire matter,” he demanded. “And throw that costume away!” 

Binghe visited An Ding peak the next day to tell his Shang-shishu what happened, but the man couldn’t be found. Only several days later did he hear the other disciples speaking about the matter in hushed tones: Apparently, some vicious animal had attacked the man, leaving the peak lord severely injured. The only information they'd managed to gather on the beast before Shang-shishu passed out was something about a cucumber. 

Despite his hatred for Airplane’s awful writing, Shang Qinghua was actually a fairly decent An Ding peak lord. 

Handling money, managing curious families asking after their children in the sect, booking accommodations for missions… Shang Qinghua usually handled these complex matters with excellence. 

Usually being the key word. 

The inn had three available rooms. Ning Yingying needed a room to herself as the only girl. Ming Fan and Luo Binghe in the same room would only mean trouble, so Binghe had to stay with Shen Qingqiu. Sure, Shen Qingqiu could share with Ming Fan. He probably should, his head disciple had been so neglected in comparison to his favoritism for Binghe. But the boy was such a kiss-ass that the thought of spending a night together was a bit unbearable. Binghe was even more of a kiss-ass but Shen Qingqiu didn't mind so much with him. 

Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu stared at the bed in their room. The one, individual, singular bed in their room. 

"Shang-shishu… he only booked one bed for us…" Binghe commented aloud. Was Shen Qingqiu imagining things or did Binghe say that name with a bit of reverence just then!? 

Whatever. "Binghe may rest," Shen Qingqiu sighed. Luckily he'd brought a trashy novel to read for the carriage ride, and he wasn't even half-way through! Moving towards their bags, he was stopped by the boy. 

“Shizun!” Binghe’s hands fisted into Shen Qingqiu’s robe, demanding his attention. The flustered face of his little bun looked up at him. “This…! This-this disciple would not mind sh-sharing!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitched. Luo Binghe, you might be a stallion protagonist, but like hell Shen Qingqiu would be such an irresponsible teacher! He smacked Binghe’s head lightly with his fan, glowering at the boy. “Does Binghe think it would be appropriate for him to share his shijie’s room? You are not a little boy anymore!” 

Honestly, Ning Yingying's emotional intelligence was low enough that she probably wouldn't see anything wrong with Binghe sleeping in her room. Shen Qingqiu admittedly did have a hand in that- in an attempt to give the girl more confidence, he'd told her it didn't matter if she was Qing Jing's only female disciple, and that he saw her the same as any of his male students. For three stressful weeks, Yingying had worn the men's uniform, and found no problem with taking off her outer layers because 'shizun said I’m the same as a boy!' 

Of course that was nothing compared to their trip to the outdoor baths. Shen Qingqiu had to explain that yes she was equal to all the boys he taught, and YES she had to use the women's bath instead of joining them!

Poor Binghe was so flustered by Yingying's words, the second Shen Qingqiu began undressing, his little lotus went red and ran out, refusing to get in the water! Just remembering the mess was a headache. 

“No, shizun!” Binghe wailed. “This disciple was not talking about his shijie-” 

“Oh?” Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. “Was Binghe hoping to share with his Ming-shixiong, then?” When Binghe sputtered nervously, Shen Qingqiu sighed and made his way to the table across the room, pulling out his book. “Enough. Binghe is staying here. This master’s cultivation is high enough that he can forgo sleep.” 

Of course he was foolish to think that would be the end of that. Shen Qingqiu managed to sit down long enough to read a handful of words before a weight settled against his side. Binghe clung onto his arm and Shen Qingqiu wanted to cry. Could he not have a break from his sticky protagonist long enough to finish one novel!?

“How can I take the bed and leave shizun here all alone!” Binghe clamored. His arms tightened around his teacher’s. “If shizun is staying up, so will this disciple!” 

Goodbye, peaceful quiet night… goodbye, a few hours without a needy child… 

“You will be investigating the town for the entirety of tomorrow, Binghe…”

“This disciple once went three days without sleep or food and still-”

Okay, okay!!! No need to bring up how much abuse your body has taken from your old scum villain!! Let’s forget about that, yeah!? 

“Fine,” Shen Qingqiu swiftly interrupted that train of thought. He could hardly read this smutty nonsense with his disciple hanging off his arm, so he was left with nothing to do. It didn’t take long before Binghe started a conversation. 

“Shizun…” Binghe broached the topic. “Before, when we were talking about Ning-shijie, shizun said I was not a little boy anymore…” Binghe shyly averted his eyes and squirmed. “Does that mean shizun sees me as a man now?” 

Shen Qingqiu was speechless. Was Binghe so desperate to stay with his first wife tonight, he was just saying nonsense? Maybe he should have just let him go… 

Seeing that he’d rendered his teacher silent, Binghe continued, “If this lowly one may ask, what is shizun’s age?” 

Excellent question, Binghe! This humble transmigrator would love to know the answer to that as well! 

[Host is in the body of Shen Qingqiu, an immortal cultivator.]

Not even slightly helpful, thank you. 

“You’ll understand that age loses meaning once one becomes immortal.” There! Perfectly avoided answering. 

Binghe’s eyes shone. “Age doesn’t matter to shizun…” 

Shen Qingqiu was becoming tired of this. “Binghe, why not brew some tea?” When Binghe nodded excitedly and ran down to the kitchen, Shen Qingqiu sighed deeply and held his head in his hands. So used to his high-maintenance student’s questions, the short amount of silence nearly had Shen Qingqiu dozing off until Binghe set a tray in front of him. 

“Shizun,” Binghe began immediately. “What kind of person does shizun like?” 

Shen Qingqiu grew weary in an instant. “What.” 

“Shizun’s type.” Binghe handed him a cup, like no part of this conversation was strange. “Shizun’s ideal suitor.” 

Shen Qingqiu wanted to go to sleep. 

In the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way, the gender binary was this: women who Binghe would wed, and men who Binghe would kill. All men were competition for Bingge, whether it be in seducing women or fighting for his land. All women were in love with the protagonist- even if one tried to murder him, Airplane’s shitty writing assured she was simply a tsundere vying for his attention. Hell, Binghe had even stuck his pillar into Qiu Haitang! The scum villain’s fiance! 

There were only two exceptions to these rules: 1) Mobei-Jun, the right hand man who respected Binghe’s strength and served him loyally, and 2) Qi Qingqi, the only female character Binghe never papapa’d, as he despised all the peak lords for turning a blind eye to his abuse. 

Binghe mutilating Shen Qingqiu’s body for coming after Ning Yingying was something he’d managed to avoid. He was hardly going to name one of Binghe’s future wives and get dismembered for trying to poach one of his women anyway! Peak bullshitter that he was, he answered with the one woman Binghe would never be attracted to. Shen Qingqiu casually sipped his tea before answering, “Well, it would have to be another peak lord." 

Binghes eyes darkened. "A peak lord," he repeated. Shen Qingqiu felt vaguely uneasy at the coldness in his disciples voice. "Such as… the sect leader? Or Liu Qingge? Or Shang Qinghua?" 

Hey, Binghe… of all the peak lords you named, how come none of them were female? Shen Qingqiu snorted regardless. "Shang Qinghua? That little rat? As if." 

Binghes face hardened even more. "So Shizun is not denying Liu Qingge or Yue Qingyuan." 

Truth be told, Shen Qingqiu greatly appreciated the sect leader’s favoritism, and his big brother personality was quite amiable. But Yue Qingyuan’s gaze always held a mixture of self loathing and guilt whenever he spoke with the Qing Jing peak lord… that pathetic expression always left Shen Qingqiu feeling incredibly uncomfortable. 

Shen Qingqiu mused aloud, “Liu-shidi, however…” 

Liu Qingge had been much more of a gentleman than Shen Qingqiu ever expected of the famous War God! He’d immediately let go of his hatred for the original goods and put his opinion of the scum villain behind him, accepting the new Shen Qingqiu easier than any other person. A bit difficult to understand at times, but the man was loyal, reliable during a dangerous mission, and very fun to tease!

Shen Qingqiu had never been into the ‘emotionally constipated sporty girl’ trope even back when he was a weeb. But now that he knew Liu Qingge better…

He imagined his shidi as a character in a dating sim. Showing up in front of the love interest with some dead animal as a gift, blushing in a tracksuit and stating, “ Don’t think this means I like you or anything! ” 

Shen Qingqiu giggled at the thought. That would be surprisingly cute! The girls would go crazy over it. 

“Shizun!” Binghe cried out at the sight of his shizun’s smile. “Stop thinking about him!” 

“Hm?” Shen Qingqiu blushed in embarrassment at getting caught zoning out, much to his disciple’s dismay. “What was that, Binghe?”

Never in a million years could Shen Qingqiu have guessed what Binghe would say next: “Shizun, Liu-shishu doesn’t deserve to be your lover!” 

The words were so absurd, Shen Qingqiu nearly spat out his tea!

Oh. There was no 'nearly'. 

Binghe sat across the table, drenched in the tea he’d just poured for his teacher. "Shizun… spit on me." 

Binghe looked so violated . Fuck. Fuck! He hurriedly leapt out of his seat to fix the situation, but not quickly enough- Shen Qingqiu watched with horror as a drop slipped past Binghe's lips. The boy's body was shaking viciously as he raised a trembling hand to his mouth. "Shizun’s spit…! Shizun’s… it went inside me!" 

Binghe! Don't! Say! It! Like! That!?

“Binghe, this master is sorry!” Shen Qingqiu kneeled in front of his student, pulling out a handkerchief with haste and wiping the liquid off the boy’s face. Binghe’s eyes were dazed, his face bright red. Shen Qingqiu desperately hoped the deep flush on his skin was caused by embarrassment, and not a burn. “Binghe… say something.” 

In his stupor, all Binghe could say was, “Shizun spit in my mouth.” 

Stop repeating what just happened!! “And this master apologizes… Binghe…” 

As a stallion protagonist, Luo Binghe was someone who never experienced anything shameful. He took the scum villain’s beatings, and still stood tall after to show everyone what a strong and determined child he was. He fell into the abyss, and fought his way out as a demon lord to show he was the universe’s favourite. Getting tea spewed on him? How could that make him look appealing in any way? For all of Shen Qingqiu’s efforts to hug the protagonist’s thighs, he’d just committed a crime more demeaning than anything the original goods could do!

“I have to go.” Shen Qingqiu’s anxiety sky-rocketed when his normally sticky disciple pushed himself onto weak legs and turned away from him. “This disciple has to cook wood… no… this disciple has to chop dinner… I…” Muttering deliriously to himself, Binghe staggered out of the room like some… dishonoured victim. The last thing he heard before Binghe closed the door behind him was, “Shizun spit in my mouth…” 

Ah, fuck. Shen Qingqiu was so dead. 

Chapter Text

“... one reason I shouldn’t beat your ass for making me read this.”

“Because it’s a masterpiece and you’re a bitter hater?” 

“Airplane, you bastard, what the hell is this? PIDW omegaverse? I need therapy after seeing this shit!” 

Mu Qingfang followed the bickering voices into the opening, surprised to find his fellow peak lords. “Shixiongs,” he greeted. “Is everything alright?” 

Shen Qingqiu didn’t hesitate to whip out his fan, hiding any emotions. Shang Qinghu, however, was left to awkwardly pick stray papers off the grass. “Yeah, haha, totally fine!” 

“If this shidi may ask, what were you two discussing?” Mu Qingfang watched the two men share a glance. Had the two always been so close? “This shidi is ashamed to say he’s still quite uneducated… what’s this ‘therapy’ you mentioned you needed?” 

“Oh, that…” Shen Qingqiu fanned himself lightly. “This master was just making a joke. It’s really nothing Mu-shidi needs to worry about.” 

If his shixiong didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine. “And what of that ‘omegaverse’ I heard about?” 

Shang Qinghua made a noise equivalent to a choking rat. Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened in horror before he motioned for Mu Qingfang to sit next to him. “Therapy? Excellent question, shidi! Let this shixiong tell you all about therapy!” 

Therapy was an appealing concept, the healer had to admit. A way to manage and prevent emotional distress… it could be a great way to prevent qi deviations. After giving him all the details Shen Qingqiu could on the practice, he reluctantly agreed to let his disciples be test subjects. 

Mu Qingfang was eager to try out this new method as he wrote. 

Subject 1: Ming Fan

Mu Qingfang knew Shen Qingqiu’s head disciple, of course. He’d pretended not to know about the way he treated his shidi for years, when the sect leader ordered him to look the other way for the sake of Shen Qingqiu’s reputation. 

Mu Qingfang put his opinion aside and began. “How are you feeling?” 

"Awful!" Ming Fan answered. Alright, so they were getting straight into it. "That-that beast Luo Binghe has been clinging to shizun even more than usual this week!" 

Luo Binghe? A beast? Mu Qingfang had met the boy a handful of times, and he’d always been perfectly lovely. Always hovering over his shizun and asking after his health with an innocent face. 

“That’s a strong reaction to a fellow disciple,” Mu Qingfang replied as he took notes. “What is it about Luo Binghe that turns you off?”

“Everything!” Ming Fan cried. “He- he’s so annoying! And he never knows his place! Always clinging onto shizun, and stealing away his attention!” Ming Fan’s face was turning red in anger. “Shizun doesn’t even spend that much time with me, and I’m his head disciple!” 

Ah, so it had nothing to do with Luo Binghe at all. "Have you communicated with Shen Qingqiu about these thoughts?"

“I… this disciple could never bother shizun with such trivialities…” Ming Fan faltered, an expression of shame overtaking his features. "He's still recovering from his qi deviation, and the flare ups from Without a Cure are…" Mu Qing watched the boy go red again. "Which is all Luo Binghe’s fault! If shizun hadn't protected him, he wouldn't be ill! That ungrateful…!" 

The peak lord nodded. Somewhere along the way, Binghe had become the victim of Ming Fan's insecurities about his shizun. 

“Does Shen Qingqiu not protect you?” 

“Of course he does!” Ming Fan answered indignantly. “Shizun would protect any of his students!” 

Mu Qingfang could say with certainty that he agreed. The man doted on the children as if they were his own. “Then why does Ming Fan have such strong feelings towards Binghe in particular?” 

“Ah… no reason…” 

The boy was not a good liar. Mu Qingfang raised a brow and waited. 

“It’s just…” Ming Fan swallowed, staring at the ground. “Luo Binghe is- he’s good at everything.” The boy’s lips were beginning to wobble. “He cooks and cleans for shizun, because shizun said he was the best at it. His cultivation has grown faster than any other disciple’s in the last year. And Ning-shimei likes him more too…” Ming Fan sniffled. “I used to…” 

“You used to?” Mu Qingfang prompted. 

“Shizun and I would always bully him together,” Ming Fan admitted. “It was something we did as a team! Now we never do anything just the two of us… shizun is always with him.” He kicked at the floor glumly. “Now if I ever try to hit Binghe, shizun doesn’t even punish me. He just says he’s disappointed.” His voice was impossibly small. “It’s the worst.” 

Mu Qingfang was a little speechless. Being angry with the victim of your bullying… yes, this boy definitely needed therapy. 

“Shen Qingqiu never acknowledges you?” Mu Qingfang clarified. 

“No, he does…” Ming Fan fidgeted, playing with his robes. “Actually, shizun gives all his disciples ‘report cards’ that keep track of our progress… they have comments about each of us full of praise and criticism.” Ming Fan blushed. “Our shizun really…” 

“Your shizun seems to care for all his students, not just Luo Binghe,” Mu Qingfang said. “If what you want is for the two of you to spend time together, perhaps you should tell him instead of blaming Binghe?” 

Ming Fan swallowed, but nodded. This seemed like a good place to end the session. 

"Before you go. Did Ming Fan feel this session was helpful in clearing his thoughts, and that it will aid him in cultivating his mind and body?" 

Almost shyly, the boy nodded again. "Yes… this disciple thanks Mu-shishu for his time and guidance." He bowed politely. "This one will tell shizun how he feels!" 

Mu Qingfang smiled as the boy left. He lashed out in the wrong ways, but he had the potential to be a bright young cultivator. 

First subject found that therapy was helpful. Playing the role of therapist is also quite rewarding.  

Subject 2: Ning Yingying

The girl sat with her legs crossed at the ankles, an absent-minded smile on her face. “Hi, Mu-shishu!” 

“Hello, Ning Yingying,” Mu Qingfang replied. “How are you feeling?”

She answered ever-cheerfully. “This disciple is well!” 

"That's good to hear." The Qian Cao peak lord jotted down the information. "No anxiety or negative emotions at all?" 

"Um," she hesitated before grinning again. "No, all good!" 

Mu Qingfang leaned back in his chair. His first subject had been very emotional and angry- which made it easy to help, but also had made Mu Qingfang falsely believe others would open up so easily. "There's nothing at all? Everything is well with your studies? Your health? Your relationships?" 

Ning Yingying swallowed nervously. "Honestly… there is something." 

"I'm listening," he encouraged. 

"There's someone this one really, really likes! But…" Ning Yingying wilted. Mu Qingfang had never seen the girl frown before. "But my feelings aren't returned. They're in love with someone else." 

For a brief moment, Mu Qingfang felt extremely tired. Why was he as a peak lord listening to a teenager talk about her crush? He chased the thought away, reminding himself such things could be distressing enough to cause a qi deviation. 

"And we're friends, so it's really hard!" Ning Yingying curled up on the divan, her knees against her chest.

"And this person has made it clear they're not interested in you?" 

"No.. but whenever we have training with the other peaks, Liu Mingyan is always watching A-Luo." 

Was Qing Jing really the scholarly peak, unbothered by mortal affairs? What was with all the jealousy? 

"Well, you and Luo Binghe are both Qing Jing disciples," Mu Qingfang pointed out. "You'll see Luo Binghe much more than he'll see Liu Mingyan."

"I know!" The girl wailed. "That's the problem! I never get to spend time with Mingyan-shimei!" 

…oh. 

"Whenever I talk to her she's always asking about A-Luo!" Yingying held back tears. "It's always 'is it true Luo Binghe lives with Shen-shishu' and 'Luo Binghe's always holding your shizun's hand' and 'when did you say Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu met' and everything is about A-Luo!" 

Something was odd about Shen Qingqiu's appearance in these questions, but Mu Qingfang couldn't put into words why. 

"She's obsessed with him, even though it's obvious A-Luo only has eyes for shizun-"

Ning Yingying cut off her words, slapping a hand against her mouth with wide eyes, but it was too late. "Eyes for Shen Qingqiu?" Mu Qingfang repeated with a feeling of dread. 

Yingying jumped out of her seat, bowing desperately. "Please forget I said that! I'm so sorry!" 

"It's alright," he said, trying to soothe the girl. "I won't tell Luo Binghe or your shizun. Shall we continue?" 

Ning Yingying couldn't meet his eyes. "If it's alright, this Yingying would like to end this now…" 

Mu Qingfang had assured her that she could leave at any time she felt uncomfortable. "Before you leave, did Ning Yingying feel this session was helpful in clearing her thoughts, and that it will aid her in cultivating her mind and body?" 

The girl bit her lip nervously. "Um…"

"Please answer honestly," he reminded her. "This master will take no offence. These trials are specifically to find out if therapy is suitable for Cang Qiong." 

"Then… no, this disciple did not," Ning Yingying admitted. Mu Qingfang felt a bit guilty  watching the girl hang her head in shame. "I really regret what I said…" 

Mu Qingfang nodded and said goodbye to the young woman. Second subject felt therapy caused her to expose secrets that weren't hers to say, causing her grief. Therapy may have opposite results intended for some. 

Subject 3: Luo Binghe

The boy sat across from him with perfect posture. A strong straight back, a handsome but humble face, and pure black eyes. "Is there a reason Mu-shishu asked to speak to this disciple?" Binghe's brows furrowed with worry. "Is it about Without a Cure?" 

Always so worried about Shen Qingqiu… how much did he spoil his disciples to make them so affectionate? "Nothing like that," Mu Qingfang explained. "This master is trying a new medical practice called therapy. I'll be asking you to share your feelings, and if you find this aids your cultivation, we may make it a permanent asset to Cang Qiong." 

"Share my feelings." Luo Binghe was carefully blank. It was a bit unnerving- this fifteen year old could mask himself better than many immortals Mu Qingfang had met. "This disciple thanks shishu for his consideration, but this lowly one could never trouble you with such things." 

"It'll be completely confidential," Mu Qingfang pressed. "You can speak freely about anything without offending me." 

"I can talk about anything?" Binghe narrowed his eyes in contemplation, watching him. "Amd shishu won't tell anyone?" 

"Unless this one fears that you will be a danger to others or yourself," Mu Qingfang explained, "not a word will leave this room without your consent. I swear on my honour as a healer." 

What came after was the longest hour of his life. 

Mu Qingfang was struggling to keep up with the boy, growing dizzier by the moment. At some point, Luo Binghe had laid down stomach-first on the divan, kicking his feet giddily in the air.  

"...and shizun is such a gentle teacher! Whenever this stupid disciple makes a mistake, he's soooo sweet helping me understand. And Shizun always protects me, like a father with his baby…" Binghe giggled manically. "But he's also sort of like a pet, always waiting around to be fed and pampered… honestly, shizun can be everything! He's like… a god!" 

What the fuck. 

What was this uncomfortable feeling unfurling in Mu Qingfang's chest? Was this… fear? Was he scared of this child in front of him? 

"I see you care deeply for your shizun," Mu Qingfang said numbly, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. 

"Shizun is the most important in the world!" Binghe buried his face into the pillow like a blushing schoolgirl. "I love him! This disciple would do anything to please shizun! Serving him is this one's greatest honour and-" 

"And Shen-shixiong," Mu Qingfang interrupted. He wasn't sure why he was still holding his pen, when he'd lost the will to record anything about five minutes into the session. "Does he ever reciprocate?" 

Binghe sunk in on himself a bit, somewhat like a doused fire. "No…" 

That was good. Mu Qingfang nodded in approval. Puppy loves were fine- Mu Qingfang himself had gotten a few love letters from some female disciples. But they always grew out of it, as Binghe surely would too one day. 

Binghe sprang up into the seat, his energy returned in an instant. "But shizun does tease this one sometimes…!" With the gleeful excitement of a maiden announcing her engagement, Binghe squealed, "A few days ago, shizun spat in my mouth!" 

Mu Qingfang blinked. "I, that is, this one apologizes. I didn't hear what Binghe said?"

"Shizun spat in my mouth!" 

Mu Qingfang repeated the words, attempting to process them. "Shen Qingqiu spat in your mouth." 

"This disciple wrote a poem about it!" 

"Oh, that's not nece-" 

Binghe couldn't be stopped from reciting his work. "To cultivate is to become one with nature. But I have already become the land. For your saliva on my tongue is akin to a fresh shower in a barren wilderness-" 

A dull pounding arose in Mu Qingfang's skull. 

"Stop," he gasped. "Why- why did he do that? As some punishment?" 

"Punishment?" Binghe's eyes had gone wide and round, like a startled owl. "Shizun… doing that to punish me…?" 

Was Mu Qingfang catching a cold? His stomach was feeling queasy when Luo Binghe covered his pink face with his hands and started shaking his head. 

"Oh, if only shizun would punish me like that!" Binghe sighed out in yearning. "Shizun spanked this one a long time ago…" 

Mu Qingfang didn't have the emotional strength to reply to that. His headache was quickly growing into a migraine. 

"Oh, I wish shizun would punish me all the time! For everything!" Binghe's dark eyes glittered like they had the stars themselves in them. "This one wrote a story- I write stories about shizun- where shizun is a tyrant emperor who beats his servant, that's me, and then he forces me to spread his legs and-" 

He couldn't do this anymore. 

Forcing himself, Mu Qingfang asked. "Did Luo Binghe feel this session was…"

…what was he supposed to say again? His mind felt muddy and unclear. 

"Luo Binghe… this session, it helped?" 

"Yes!" Luo Binghe held his hands over his chest, a lovestruck look on his features. "This disciple feels even closer to shizun! I love him so much! Did I tell you-" 

"Let's end this here!" Mu Qingfang interrupted. Binghe jumped a bit in surprise, but nodded. 

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, long after the boy had left. The pain was assaulting all parts of his body, but he pushed himself to his feet. 

He wasn't sure how he managed to fly his sword or find his way, but he could just barely stay conscious as he knocked on Qing Jing's bamboo house. 

Shen Qingqiu opened the door, alarm immediately colouring his face. "Mu-shidi, what happened!?" 

"I tried therapy," Mu Qingfang said. "I think I'm qi deviating." 

Chapter Text

Qing Jing was a peaceful and beautiful peak. 

Sure, sometimes Bai Zhan disciples snuck in to fight, or the disciples argued, but generally it was a quiet and lovely place devoted to studying the four arts. The only time Qing Jing would have a screaming demon running around would be in Luo Binghe’s dreamscape. 

"Dream manipulation is an art! A lost practice! The stuff of legends! It's brought down nations and ruined emperors!" Meng Mo roared as he gestured at Binghe. "And you're using this elder's teachings on this?" 

Binghe ignored the demon, rubbing his face deeper into Shen Qingqiu's chest. 

Binghe was getting closer and closer to making a dream-shizun that matched the real thing, even if his progress was slower than he'd like. The doll-like man in front of him resembled Shen Qingqiu at a glance, but Binghe could see the irregularities. 

Faces were the hardest part, Meng Mo had said, and it was true. Even if it looked like shizun, the puppets' eyes didn't have his gentle light, and its smile was rigid. 

It wasn't just the appearance- Binghe couldn't figure out how to give this creation the warmth that shizun's skin held, or the soft floral scent that followed his teacher. 

Meng Mo had initially praised Binghe endlessly for creating such an accurate copy of the bamboo house so quickly into their lessons. Then he'd realized Binghe had little interest in creating anything else and that happiness faded quickly. 

The dream demon was currently seething in the corner, next to a recreation of shizun’s fan collection. "Of all the disciples I had to pick…" 

"Not your disciple," Binghe called automatically. 

“Don’t-”

“I only follow shizun.” Binghe nuzzled into Shen Qingqiu’s neck. “Shizun… shizun, shizun, shizun! Shizun-" 

"Shut up!!" 

“How do I make shizun slap me in my dream?” 

“You cannot honestly expect me to answer that.”

Shizun had once explained that demons bullied those they favored. "If you run into a pretty demoness, don't take offense. That means she likes you." There must have been something wrong with Binghe then. Maybe because he wasn't a full demon, he could never imagine himself hurting shizun… but the idea of shizun bullying Binghe… Binghe shivered in excitement at the thought.

That being said, he liked it even more when his shizun doted on him. There was nothing more euphoric than when his teacher patted his head after training, calling him good boy and remarking on how strong he was becoming. 

Oh, but Binghe also liked it when the two of them just shared the same space without needing to speak, Binghe cleaning while shizun read a novel, being together even while they did their own work. 

Honestly, Binghe liked everything about shizun! 

“Oh, Shizun…” Binghe sighed. 

Binghe brought his focus on fixing the model’s eyes. Shizun had 147 eyelashes on his left eye, and 152 on his right. But Binghe had seen him rubbing his face when he brought him breakfast yesterday, a lash falling onto his cheek. Binghe would have to count all of shizun’s lashes again, or his dream wouldn’t be accurate!

Last time he’d had the time to study his shizun so closely was months ago- afraid he’d heard something coming from his teacher’s room, Binghe had tiptoed in and found it was just a bird pecking at his master’s window. After shooing the animal away, Binghe was left with the opportunity to study his master’s sleeping form.

“He looked awful,” Meng Mo interjected. “He was drooling everywhere, and-”

“I will kill you,” Binghe threatened. Meng Mo moped, but didn’t say another word.

Anyway, Binghe of course had used this gift from the heavens to memorize every line of shizun’s face! He hadn’t had much time- only about three hours- before shizun woke up, saw Binghe, and started screaming.

“Can you check if shizun is dreaming right now?”

“I already told you, this elder cannot access his dreams. I’ve never seen a barrier so durable.”

“I don’t want you to go in,” Binghe explained. “Just make sure he is dreaming and in a deep sleep. Then I can examine shizun again without him waking up…”

"You're deranged," Meng Mo commented. "There is something seriously wrong with you." 

“Didn’t Meng Mo say I was a demon?” Binghe answered. “Of course a demon like myself would have such wicked thoughts…” 

“No!” Meng Mo threw his arms up. “Don’t blame this on demons! This is not normal by our standards!” 

Binghe ignored the words, caressing his teacher’s waist. “How do I make shizun spit in my mouth?” 

“This elder is leaving.” 

Binghe's sixteenth birthday was approaching quickly. 

Shen Qingqiu had been cultivating in the spirit caves when Binghe had turned fifteen, so there had been no worries about celebrating the day until now. It wouldn’t have been strange for Shen Qingqiu to ignore the matter altogether- in fact, for a peak lord, simply saying ‘happy birthday’ to a disciple would have been indulgent! But Binghe was an orphan, with a long history of neglect. He deserved a proper celebration for the first time! And what better way to celebrate becoming a year older than with cake and some close friends? 

So, right before the boy’s birthday, Shen Qingqiu sent Binghe away on a mission in order to have the kitchen to himself. Then he spent forty minutes trying to make sense of a recipe. 

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t a bad cook! It was just… he’d never cooked. Not once in both his lives. 

When he went by Shen Yuan, there were maids in his house to cook for him, making him high quality meals since the day he was born. Once he transmigrated, he had Binghe, with such superb cooking that Shen Qingqiu knew he couldn’t make anything better even if he studied the culinary arts for centuries. So he’d just never bothered! What would be the point?

But it was fine! First time for everything! Besides, Mama had taught him! 

No, not his actual mother. Cooking Mama. 

Beat vanilla extract with eggs. After some searching, he couldn’t find any extract, but no need! He found the vanilla beans themselves!

Vanilla extract… easy! Shen Qingqiu had been studying this world’s magic for months- that of course wasn’t limited to flying swords. Talismans, arrays, curses… How was extracting vanilla any different than extracting a soul from a possessed body? 

Shen Qingqiu cut a nick into his fingers, dropping a bead of blood onto the vanilla plant’s stem to start the soul extracting process. That cake would be ready in no time. 

Shang Qinghua stared at the finished product. “What is that.” 

“Binghe’s cake,” Shen Qingqiu replied proudly. “You’ll be taste testing it.” 

“ The protagonist made that ?” 

“No, I did. For Binghe.” 

Qinghua glanced towards the exit, and Shen Qingqiu discreetly stepped in front of the door. 

“Bro, I know we don’t always get along, but I thought we were friends-” 

"I've been pampered by Binghe's cooking," he explained. "Even a good cake would taste bland to me. I need someone who's never had Binghe's cooking to judge it with an average person's standards." 

His fellow transmigrator looked miserably back at the cake. “You know it really doesn’t matter how it tastes. Binghe will just be happy it’s from you.” 

Shen Qingqiu smiled a little at the thought, but pushed it aside. “Eat.” 

After some threatening convincing, Shang Qinghua acquiesced and bit into a slice. "As a peak lord, I have high cultivation that can prevent illness," Shang Qinghua said. "Otherwise, I'd be throwing up right now." 

Shen Qingqiu threw a bowl at him. Shang Qinghua ducked, avoiding it in impeccable time. Shen Qingqiu had to give credit where credit was due, those were quick reflexes. 

“This is legitimately the worst thing that’s ever been in my mouth,” Qinghua continued. “And I have dirt and blood in my mouth everytime Mobei-Jun throws me to the ground.” 

“Jesus, the system really makes you stay with him?”

“Huh? Oh no, I’d stay regardless.” 

“...” 

“As an An Ding peak lord, of course this master can cook.” Shang Qinghua bragged. Shen Qingqiu could never get over the man’s standards. Airplane-bro, an immortal cultivator should have more to flex than being able to bake a cake! “We’ll make one together for Binghe!” 

There were many things Shen Qingqiu could have said. 

“Binghe is the protagonist of this world, and someone so powerful looking up to me is an addictive feeling I want to hoard to myself.”

“Binghe was the only thing on my mind when I died. Isn’t it fair I be the only one on his mind for one day?” 

"I want Binghe all to myself for the little while I have left, before I become the person he hates most."

Unfortunately, all those options required an iota of self awareness, so they were impossible for Shen Qingqiu to say. 

"I guess you don’t have anything better to do anyway," Shen Qingqiu said instead. 

The day passed with "that's salt, not sugar, bro…" and "no, you put the icing on after it cools down!" and "how have you survived this long!?" 

Shang Qinghua’s cake was good. 

Nothing compared to Binghe’s baking, of course. But it was good. Good enough that Shen Qingqiu would have thought it was bought at a bakery if he hadn’t seen the man mix the ingredients together right in front of him.

Qinghua took the cake back to his peak so Binghe wouldn't stumble onto it and ruin the surprise. When Binghe returned from his mission, early of course, the two of them had dinner together while Binghe asked after his shizun’s health. 

When it was time to shrug off his layers and crawl into bed, Shen Qingqiu instead found himself in the kitchen. 

Well… he could hardly go to sleep with the knowledge that Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky of all people was better than him at something, now could he!? 

Don’t misunderstand, Shen Qingqiu was not a competitive person at all. But he’d acted well enough to make everyone believe he really was the scum villain, he’d mastered an immortal’s powers, and he’d fought demons and monsters! 

After all that, Shen Qingqiu did not want to be defeated by a damn cake, okay! 

He quietly opened the cupboards, pulling out the bowls one by one instead of stacking them- he didn’t want the clinking of china waking his disciple. 

Shang Qinghua had showed him the proper way to make vanilla extract: Shen Qingqiu was supposed to cut the beans in half and soak them in alcohol for months. He didn’t have months, but it was fine- if he just shook the alcohol bottle really hard, that would speed up the process, right? Actually, forget the alcohol altogether! Binghe was a minor! He could mince the beans really small and scatter them throughout the cake like sugar to get the same flavour. 

What was it Airplane had said about putting in a toothpick in the cake? Shen Qingqiu didn’t understand, but he tossed some woodchips into the batter. 

Activated charcoal powder provided black dye for the icing that he was to write with. What was he supposed to do? Use the soot from the oven? That didn’t sound sanitary… Shen Qingqiu skipped the message altogether. 

After several hours, Shen Qingqiu’s cake was finished. It was the most hideous thing he’d ever seen. How the hell did it get worse than his first attempt? 

His body was exhausted from standing around waiting for the cake to bake, on top of having to clean and put everything away. All that effort for this…

What was he doing?

Would Binghe even want to eat a cake made by his shizun? Cooking for a boy… wouldn’t that be something a young sister should be doing? Now that he thought about it, wasn’t there a chapter where Yingying baked Binghe a cake for his birthday? That’s right, it was a romantic scene where Binghe stumbled back to his woodshed, hungry after his Ming-shixiong had refused him dinner, and found his future wife waiting for him to remind him that it was his birthday. 

Yikes! This mess had to go! But it was nearly the day of, and Shen Qingqiu had no gift for his disciple. 

And even if he did, what would it matter? Shen Qingqiu sighed. Any treasure that was to be had, the demon lord would conquer on his own eventually. It was ironic. His student had nothing. No parents, no belongings, not even the counterfeit jade guanyin that Shen Qingqiu had selfishly kept to protect himself. And yet, there was nothing Shen Qingqiu could give him that would be of more value than something Binghe would eventually get on his own. 

"Shizun?" 

Shen Qingqiu jumped as he found Binghe in the kitchen's entrance and glanced at the window. "Binghe, why are you awake? It's still dark out." 

"This disciple always wakes before sunrise to prepare breakfast," Binghe answered. Shen Qingqiu frowned. Binghe was fifteen! Sixteen? Either way, proper rest was vital to grow at this age! Before Shen Qingqiu could scold his disciple for being so dutiful, Binghe spoke first. "Why is shizun awake?" 

By the way Binghe's eyes drifted to the ugly cake, it was obvious what he really meant was, "what the hell is that, and why is it in my kitchen?" 

"This is…" Shen Qingqiu fluttered his fan open, an excuse already formed. "A delivery from some jiejies we once helped on a mission." 

"Is it." Binghe's voice was cold, even as he smiled. "Shizun should rest. This disciple will take care of throwing it out." 

What!? Binghe, this master spent all night on this monstrosity! At least pretend it wasn't so horrible! “Binghe, it’s a gift!” 

Binghe took a step closer to the table. “This disciple will send them a letter thanking them as soon as he disposes of it.” 

Perhaps he was too far into his lie. Perhaps he had to teach Binghe to not be wasteful. Whatever the reason, Shen Qingqiu stupidly said, "What if this was made with love?" 

“All the more reason it should be thrown away!” Irritation passed over Binghe’s face. "Shizun doesn't need to accommodate every single person with such thoughts." 

??? When did his little white lotus get so mean?? Binghe, you were crying for this shizun's attention a few days ago, and now you were telling him he could never speak to a woman? 

“You shouldn’t deny a gift so harshly, Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu scolded. “What if it was made by a peerless beauty, hmm? Then you would regret your words!” 

Binghe’s eyes softened. “Shizun, no one could be beautiful enough to sway my affections.” 

Wow!! Okay!! Mr. Thousands Of Wives was selective with women all of a sudden!! Shen QIngqiu felt offended on behalf of the non-existent maiden being rejected. 

“Fine!” Shen Qingqiu sat down in front of the cake, aggressive as he dug into it with his utensil. “Then this master will have it alone!” 

“Shizun, wait!” ^skip 

Ignoring the protagonist’s plea, Shen Qingqiu shoved a portion into his mouth. It was. Unpleasant. 

The crust was crisp and hard, like a thin hard-candy, but immediately underneath, the cake was soft and spongy. How could it be burnt on the outside but raw in the middle!? Unwilling to lose face, Shen Qingqiu chewed, and oh, that was a mistake. Lumpy batter flooded into his mouth, with unmixed ingredients scattered within. Something crunched in his mouth. Was that an eggshell? Or did he drop something else inside? Shen Qingqiu might have been able to suck it up and swallow the revolting mixture of textures until a whole, massive chunk of vanilla split open and his throat tightened. 

What was it Shang Qinghua had said? If he didn't have a peak lord's cultivation, he'd throw up eating his cake? 

Without a Cure kicked in, and Shen Qingqiu scrambled to the bin to heave. 

After an extremely embarrassing amount of time spent cleaning up with his student's help, Shen Qingqiu finally laid himself down on a divan. 

It was already light out, and Binghe was spending his sixteenth fluffing the pillows behind Shen Qingqiu's back. What a terrible fucking start to his big day! 

Binghe's hands slipped under his robe, massaging Shen Qingqiu's shoulders. The older man would usually have melted at the action, but today he simply shooed his student away. 

"Binghe, it's your birthday," Shen Qingqiu sighed. "Take the day off with Ning Yingying. You and your shijie don't have to worry about lessons or chores today." 

"Shizun!" Binghe kneeled in front of Shen Qingqiu, holding his hands together to beg. "Please! Let this disciple stay with you!" 

"Binghe, get up!" Shen Qingqiu really didn't know what to do. Crying on his knees and giving up a day of fooling around with a sister just so he could fret over his scumbag shizun! Wasn't this too OOC? 

… except it really wasn't, was it? In his desperation to escape a villain’s fate, Shen Qingqiu had forgotten the boy in front of him was still a sticky child and not yet a blackened stallion protagonist. At this age, did Binghe have any interest in chasing women? Shen Qingqiu could only remember him working tirelessly to impress his shizun, and receiving abuse where he should have found praise. 

Saying there was nothing he could give Binghe… wasn’t he the only one who could give him what he really wanted? 

Hmm. Shen Qingqiu may be stupid. 

[+15 awareness points!]

…didn’t Shen Qingqiu tell the system to stop making up new nonsense points every other day?

[Awareness points have always existed. Host has simply never earned any in the last year and half of transmigration.]

He slapped the notification away and pushed himself into an upright position, rearranging his robes before he held his arms open. His fans had really spoiled him- if he went back to his own time again, he wouldn’t be able to survive without something to cover his thin face. “Binghe.” Shen Qingqiu swallowed down his self-consciousness. “Come here and give- oof !” 

Luo Binghe, at least let your teacher finish his sentences before you launch yourself into his arms! Shen Qingqiu didn’t bother scolding the boy-he barely could even if he wanted to. Binghe’s arms around Shen Qingqiu’s waist were squeezing him so tight, it was a miracle he could breathe, let alone speak. 

Once Shen Qingqiu began to pat his disciple’s head, the boy finally loosened his grip just fractionally enough to allow the peak lord to inhale properly. As Binghe motorboated cuddled into Shen Qingqiu’s chest, he sighed contently. “Dreams really can’t compare…” 

“What was that?”

“Nothing, shizun!” 

Shen Qingqiu ran his nails against Binghe’s scalp, untying some of the knots that had formed. “What does Binghe want for his birthday?” 

“Shizun…” Binghe shuddered slightly, looking up at him with wide eyes. “This disciple has only ever wanted one thing, shizun. But now that this lowly one is of age… maybe now shizun will finally consider him?” 

Consider him!? Binghe! How could this master consider you any more!? Poor Ming Fan had already come crying to him about being neglected over you! 

Binghe rushed to elaborate, his face turning pink. “Shizun said he would only see another peak lord as his equal… but this disciple doesn’t ever want to be a peak lord! I want to stay as shizun’s disciple, here in our bamboo house!” 

… had he said something like that? He bullshitted so much, he couldn’t remember the context he’d said such a thing for. 

“If one day, I’m strong enough to defeat a peak lord like Liu Qingge, then will shizun acknowledge this one will be strong enough to protect you?” 

Oh, Binghe. Shen Qingqiu sighed. "This master already acknowledges you, Binghe." 

"But shizun said-!" 

“Don’t interrupt.” With no fan in his hand, all he could do was flick at the boy’s forehead with his finger. “Your shizun fully believes you will be strong enough to do so one day. I know Binghe will be stronger than me or anyone else in Cang Qiong.” Binghe gasped in joy, and Shen Qingqiu pulled Binghe back into their embrace. “But Binghe doesn’t need to rush so much! Sixteen may be considered an adult, but it is still this master’s duty to look after you!” 

Binghe shook in his arms. "Shizun will wait until this one is strong enough?"

Well… no. Shizun will not wait. He will be ‘dying’ and staying far away the second he is in his mushroom body! 

…as if he could say such a thing to that cute little face. 

Perhaps it was cruel to deceive his student with lies of a happy future with them together. But Binghe had been through so much, and there was only worse to come. His little bun could have one more year of happiness, empty promises be damned. 

"Shizun will always be here for you," Shen Qingqiu lied. 

Chapter Text

In his first life, Shen Qingqiu could honestly say being rich made the whole chronically ill thing much easier! 

Sure, he couldn't eat street food, or swim in the sea, or go to school. But his parents doted on him endlessly. He only had to say the word before a master chef was recreating any meal with healthier ingredients, or a private pool would be disinfected just for him, or tutors with PhDs would sweetly explain every subject. 

He really didn't mind so much! He was pretty sure he would have been a shut-in if he was healthy anyway! The whole thing barely affected him until, ahem, a web novel made him so mad the spike in his blood pressure one-hit-KO'd him. 

That being said, things that were inherently harmful for him had no substitutes. He couldn't go sky-diving, or have reckless hook-ups, or drink. 

So when Shen Qingqiu entered the room and registered all the alcohol surrounding Shang Qinghua, he didn't remember bars or late-night parties. The scent of alcohol had him scowling, suppressing the memories of antiseptics and rough nurses. 

"So this is what the An Ding peak lord is so busy with," Shen Qingqiu hissed. Shang Qinghua whipped his head around, guilt and regret painted on his face the second he saw his shixiong. That little weasel had swore up and down that his schedule was far too busy for them to search for the Sun-Dew mushroom today! 

"Bro, I'm sorry!" Before Shen Qingqiu could unleash (truly deserved) hell on the man, he lunged at his thighs, looking up with pitifully wide eyes. "I just need a break! And you're always…" Shen Qingqiu glowered harder, causing Qinghua to falter and wisely keep his mouth shut. Shen Qingqiu was great company! Shang Qinghua cleared his throat, letting go of him. “Actually, this is important logistics work. I’m making sure Zui Xian’s production is up to our standards.” 

Before Shen Qingqiu could call him out on his bullshit, Qinghua was shoving a bottle into his hand as a bribe. 

“Won’t my beloved and generous shixiong help this lord with the testing?” Shang Qinghua said sweetly. 

That was how Shen Qingqiu found himself on Shang Qinghua’s floor, trying the drink that most people had already experienced in their teens. Shen Qingqiu had read innumerable books describing a character’s first time with the same corny ‘it burned his throat’ line. Having alcohol himself, he couldn’t help but think, fuck it really does burn . It was the sensation of hand sanitizer stinging one’s nose, but a hundred times worse and in his esophagus. Shen Qingqiu choked. 

Putting down the cup quickly, he ignored Shang Qinghua’s laughter at his expense. “Why the hell does it hurt so much!? Don’t tell me the original goods couldn’t handle this much.” 

“He probably never drank.” Shang Qinghua shrugged, taking another sip of his own cup. “He constantly felt terrified and unsafe. Would have been stupid to let himself be defenseless.” 

…what the fuck? Why did that make him a little sad for the scum villain?

Shang Qinghua didn’t elaborate, grabbing Shen Qingqiu’s cup once again, pouring a bottle of fruit juice inside. “Have mixed drinks until this body gets used to it.” 

Shen Qingqiu was pleasantly surprised to find the mixture was quite delightful. A taste of the alcohol remained along with the burn, but it was much more manageable- if anything the combination of sweetness mixed with the buzz tasted better than either would alone. 

Seeing Shen Qingqiu quickly downing the mixture, of course Shang Qinghua had to open his stupid mouth. "Glad you're enjoying your fruity little drink, lightweight." 

“You are so unlikeable as a person,” Shen Qingqiu replied. Shang Qinghua stared at him. “What?” 

“One thing I’ve been meaning to ask,” Qinghua said with false offhandedness. “How long have you known Binghe? Like as Shen Qingqiu.” 

Not too strange of a question, considering the protagonist literally held their lives in his hand. “Transmigrated when he was fourteen…” Shen Qingqiu counted on his fingers, and fuck, why was it a bit hard to think? He’d barely had one cup of a watered down liquor! “Uh, but I basically fucked off to the cultivation caves right after I unlocked OOC, and when I came back he was fifteen… he just turned sixteen, so I’ve really been there with him for about a year?” 

“A year,” Shang Qinghua repeated. “You made my son like that . In one year.” 

??

“I didn’t make him anything!” That might have come out a bit more defensive than he planned. “And stop calling him your son!” 

It wasn't odd for Shen Qingqiu to be out of the bamboo house. It might have been common for peak lords to tend to their own business and neglect their duties as teachers, but not Binghe’s shizun! While most cultivators threw a manual at their students and pushed all the educating onto the seniors, Shen Qingqiu had a meticulous schedule to teach his disciples in person, grouping them for lessons based on their level of skill. If Shen Qingqiu wasn’t teaching ten people at once how to play the guqin, he was giving one-on-one lessons to a disciple struggling with calligraphy. 

It was odd, however, for Shen Qingqiu to not be home by sunset. Dinner was getting cold, and Binghe would rather die than serve his dear shizun a flavourless meal!

Being without his shizun longer than necessary always left Binghe panicked- Ning Yingying insisted he calm down before she gently explained she hadn’t seen their teacher, and directed him to search on another peak. 

Binghe eventually found the man on An Ding, sitting at Shang Qinghua’s table surrounded by bottles. 

The two peak lords cheered at the sight of him. "Binghe!" 

Shen Qingqiu was clothed in only three layers, with his hair down! He blinked up at Binghe slowly, like a friendly cat. 

“Shizun!” Binghe called out. “What are you doing!?” 

“There’s no need to be so scandalized, Binghe,” his shizun said. He’d propped his head on his hand, lazily leaning his elbow on the table. “It’s not like we’re the ascetic peak.” 

Binghe flushed at the words, but Shang Qinghua only snorted. “God, I’d kill myself.” The An Ding peak lord opened another jar. “I refuse to believe they’re actually ascetic about everything. Like I can stay sober, but they gotta at least be jacking off.” 

Shen Qingqiu smacked his friend with his fan, but instead of his usual quick and elegant motion, it was soft and half-hearted. “Don’t say that in front of Bingy, asshole!”

“He doesn’t even know what that means!”  

Binghe didn’t know how to process anything in front of him. Hearing his lofty shizun curse? Seeing his open and relaxed smile? And was… was he ‘Bingy’? 

While Binghe’s head spun, Shang Qinghua rambled on. “I think if you took a person from Zui Xian peak and merged them with a person from Ku Xing, you’d get the most average guy of all time- Binghe, why are you just standing there?” Shang Qinghua gestured Binghe over, patting at his side for him to sit. “Come on!”

Binghe only hesitated for a moment before Shen Qingqiu shot him a patient smile, and Binghe was rushing to seat himself between the two men… and maybe he sat a bit closer to shizun’s side of the table than his shishu’s.

Shang Qinghua slapped Binghe’s back, grinning like a fool. "Look at our boy!" 

" Our boy?" Shen Qingqiu slammed his cup down. "In what way is he yours, idiot!?” Shizun turned to Binghe, his face openly showing his annoyance. “Binghe, tell him." 

Tell him… tell him he wasn’t someone else's?

Binghe’s face was on fire as he obeyed his teacher’s order. "Yes, shizun! I'm all yours, shizun… of course this one belongs only to you…" 

Shang Qinghua took another sip of his drink with an amused glint in his eye. 

"Hear that?" Binghe nearly ascended when Shen Qingqiu’s arms wrapped around him. The man pulled Binghe closer, to the point where Binghe might as well have been on his lap. Then he let his chin drop atop Binghe’s head. "Binghe is my disciple. Back off, bitch." 

Was this heaven? Binghe didn’t even remember dying. 

“Bro,” Shang-shishu wailed across from him. “Can’t we get joint custody?” 

“Joint custody?” Shen Qingqiu sneered. “I’m getting a restraining order on you.” 

Binghe wasn’t sure how long he spent in Shen Qingqiu’s arms, tuning out Shang Qinghua’s voice. He knew it was wrong of him, to enjoy the feeling without bothering to memorize it properly for the sake of recreating it later in his dreams. But no matter what he did, his dreamscapes never measured up to the real thing! Would it be so greedy of him to be held, and to just enjoy the moment?

He barely listened to the conversation between the peak lords, contently focusing on the feeling of his shizun holding him. 

“So, fun fact, when people are about to be assassinated, they usually piss themselves out of fear. Like, no matter how macho they are, it’s a natural reaction.”

“I know. Ruined every action story for me when I found out. I’d constantly be thinking, ‘this isn’t realistic, that guy should be pissing himself.’”

“Ha! But anyway, since my ki- uh, Mo… you know that guy in the north!? He threatens to kill me all the time, and I’m so used to it, I’ve got balls of steel!” 

“Except pee isn’t stored in the balls-”

“Do not start with that!” 

Binghe only snapped back to what was being said when he heard his shishu calling him directly. 

“Bingheee, hellooo,” Shang Qinghua sing-songed, half sprawled over the table. He held a jar out to Binghe. “You gonna join us or what?” 

Thwack!

Before Binghe could answer, Shang Qinghua was already holding his hand against his chest like an abused maiden, cowering away from Shen Qingqiu’s attack. Binghe wanted shizun to hurry and put the fan away already, and go back to keeping both arms around him!

"You useless moron!” Shen Qingqiu scolded, and Binghe wanted to cry tears of joy, imagining shizun insulting him like that in a more private setting. “Binghe can't drink!"  

"Come on bro, he's an adult here!" Shang Qinghua wailed. “Besides, even back home, everyone would let kids have a sip or two at the dinner table.” 

Binghe pulled away from Shen Qingqiu, just to turn around so they were hugging face-to-face now. He frowned up at his teacher. “Shizun, I’m not a child!” 

Shen Qingqiu glanced at Binghe quickly, then back to Shang Qinghua. Then he explained slowly, as if he was speaking to a baby. "Alcohol. Is poison." When Shang Qinghua simply blinked back at the man, Shen Qingqiu sighed and continued. "If Binghe had poison, wouldn't the effects be odd ?" 

"Huh? But Binghe can't- ohhhh!"  

Situations like this were exactly why Binghe could never like his Shang-shishu. He had some strange bond with his shizun, and Binghe was always left out of their conversations, trying desperately to understand what they could easily communicate with confusing words. 

Shang Qinghua nodded. "Your shizun says you're too young to drink." 

When had he said that!? Shen Qingqiu nodded as well, and Binghe moped into his side. 

"Making a booze peak was so big brain of me," Shang Qinghua sighed contently. "Should've made a weed peak too." 

"Why stop there," Shen Qingqiu replied dryly. "Make a cocaine peak while you're at it." 

"You joke, but if we were making drug money, budgeting would be a lot easier. We should have a cocaine peak." 

“Shizun what’s a cocaine?” Binghe interjected. Shen Qingqiu gave Shang Qinghua an exasperated look while the An Ding peak lord choked on this drink. 

“Stop laughing!” Shen Qingqiu demanded. “What are you, twelve?” 

“God, I wish,” Shang Qinghua closed his eyes, resting his head on the table. “Fuck being an adult, bro.” 

Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes in interest. “How old are you anyway? Actually.” 

Shang Qinghua shrugged. "Stopped counting after my sixtieth, but I should be eighty or so. You?" 

Both the Qing Jing student and peak lord froze. 

“I said how old are you really ,” Shen Qingqiu scoffed. 

“Bro, I said like eighty!” Shang Qinghua yawned. "I started writing in college." He lifted a shaky hand, counting on his fingers. "Wrote a chapter a day, and a couple thousand chapters, so I, uh… left our hometown when I was thirty-seven." He waved casually. "Then I had to start all over and become a peak lord, which took like thirty something years, and I’ve been peak lord for a while, so yeah! Eighty, give or take." 

Binghe gaped at the man. His Shang-shishu was eighty years old!? If this silly mess of a man was so old… Binghe nails dug into his thighs as he looked toward his shizun, his elegant, wise, refined shizun who definitely had to be much older! Binghe’s heart was pounding. 

Shizun would have to be a hundred, at least! Binghe nearly fainted in bliss at the idea. His shizun was so experienced, and nurturing, and fatherly, and…!

“How about you?” Shang Qinghua asked. 

Binghe might have jumped in too eagerly. “This disciple is very interested in knowing as well, shizun!” 

Shen Qingqiu simply gazed back with a carefully blank face. Then he opened his fan and looked towards the door. “It’s getting late. Binghe and I should get back.” 

But… but his shizun’s age…!

As a lowly disciple, Luo Binghe couldn’t push the issue, but Shang Qinghua certainly could, right!? Binghe glanced back at his shishu with pleading eyes, begging him to follow up on the matter. 

Shang Qinghua completely missed his signal, however, and pointed to Shen Qingqiu’s hand grabbing Xiu Ya sprawled on the carpet. "Woah, woah, don't tell me you're flying back!" 

Shen Qingqiu snickered as he picked up his outer layers. “What, will I get a DUI for drunk flying?” 

Shizun really had a lifetime of knowledge that could only come with a long life of learning! Binghe had read nearly every book in Qing Jing’s extensive library, and had no idea what this dee-you-eye item was! 

Shang Qinghua paused for a minute. Then he jumped to his feet and gave Binghe a grin. As Binghe stood up to follow his teacher, Shang Qinghua pushed Shen Qingqiu into Binghe! 

“What are you-” 

“Binghe hasn’t drank!” Shang-shishu chirped happily. “He can be your designated driver!” 

Like… a carriage driver? Binghe nodded enthusiastically- he lived to serve shizun, after all! “This disciple would be honoured!” 

“Walking back on the rainbow bridge would take forever,” Shang Qinghua chimed in. “And flying drunk is dangerous…” 

“Fine, fine!” Shen Qingqiu rubbed his head. “Just shut up!” Then he patted Binghe’s head. “Not you, Binghe, just your shishu.” 

Oh, Binghe loved his shizun so much. 

“I’ll ignore that, bro. Get home safe!” 

Shen Qingqiu didn’t seem any more sober once they exited, but the cool night air had shizun pulling his robe closed. Binghe stepped onto his sword, and when shizun stumbled, Binghe got to hold Shen Qingqiu’s hands to pull his unsteady teacher on with him. Binghe would really have to repay Shang Qinghua back for this kindness a hundred- no, a thousand-fold! 

Shizun’s arms encircled Binghe’s shoulders, his chest against Binghe’s back. “Is Binghe ready?” 

“Yes, shizun-” Binghe’s voice cracked, and his face flushed before he cleared his throat. “Yes, shizun!” 

Okay, he could do this! All he had to do was focus on flying and not get an erection! 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu whispered in his ear, “is this your first time with another person?” 

“I- uh, y-yes, shizun,” Binghe swallowed. “This disciple has never flown with another person on his sword before.” 

Shen Qingqiu rested his head on Binghe’s shoulder, his words sending his hot breath directly against Binghe’s neck. “It’s alright, don’t be nervous… let’s go slowly today, and next time Binghe can do it however he likes, hmm? This master will be in your care.” 

Okay, he could do this! All he had to do was focus on flying and not let shizun find out about his erection! 

The ride back to Qing Jing was the longest ten minutes of Binghe’s life. Shizun kept cuddling into him, and pointing out scenery that ‘ looks so romantic at night, doesn’t it, Binghe? ’ 

When they finally parted in front of the bamboo house, Binghe wasn’t sure if he wanted to return to that sweet torture, or if he wanted to run away from shizun and into his bed where he could take care of his thoughts. 

Shen Qingqiu yawned as they entered, throwing his outer robe off again in a sloppy manner that he would never mirror if he wasn’t under the influence. “It’s basically time for bed… Binghe should go sleep.” 

Binghe desperately wanted to continue taking care of this adorable, relaxed shizun in his care. “Please at least let this disciple prepare shizun’s nightly tea.” 

Shen Qingqiu nodded, slumping down at his dressing desk, watching his reflection with his eyes half closed while he brushed out his long hair. 

Binghe could only make himself look away long enough to take a tea set out of shizun’s cupboard before the peak lord stole his attention again. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, entranced by the sight, but it was long enough for shizun’s eyes to lock onto Binghe’s. “Is something wrong?” 

"No! This disciple apologizes, I was lost in thought…” 

Shen Qingqiu set down the brush. “What’s on Binghe’s mind?” 

Could Binghe really say!? Shen Qingqiu did seem more easy-going than Binghe had ever seen him…

“It's just…" Binghe blushed. "Shizun looks very beautiful." 

Binghe expected his shizun to scold Binghe for being so shameless, or to cover his offended face with a fan. What he absolutely did not expect was for Shen Qingqiu to stare at his reflection and say, "Yeah, what's the deal with that?"

"This disciple doesn't understand shizun's question…"

Shen Qingqiu stared at the mirror, poking his face. "Why am I so pretty? It's not like I'm Binghe’s wife." 

The tea set crashed to the floor. 

Why!? Why would he say that!? Shizun!! 

“Binghe!?” 

“This disciple is okay,” Binghe croaked out. Clearly not very convincing, considering he couldn’t make his body do anything but shake on the floor. 

Shen Qingqiu pulled Binghe to his feet, subtly sending him energy as he stroked his back. Binghe couldn’t even thank him, completely dazed. 

Binghe’s wife Binghe’s wife Binghe’s wife Binghe’s wif

“Flying two people must have taken more out of Binghe than we thought,” Shen Qingqiu said. “This master apologizes, Binghe. Go rest, I’ll be fine.” 

Binghe nodded dumbly, his brain screaming at him while his legs moved seemingly on their own. 

Binghe’s wife! Binghe’s wife!? Binghe’s wife…!

"Oh, Binghe!" Binghe paused at the door while his shizun caught up with him. Shen Qingqiu ran his fingers through his disciple’s hair, pulling out a dandelion seed. “There.” The older man then tucked a lock of hair behind Binghe’s ear, smiling down at him. "Binghe is very beautiful too." 

“Thanking shizun,” Binghe recited monotonously before he left for his room. 

Then he laid down in his bed, grabbed his pillow, and sobbed into it. 

Shizun could never drink again, Binghe decided. It really would be the death of him. 

Chapter Text

So it turned out, it was not possible to 'speed up' the Sun Dew Mushroom body's maturation. 

"One side affect is it'll only last for a day before it withers," Shang Qinghua explained. He laughed nervously before waving at him. "The other is, uh… it didn't grow all the way, hahaha…" 

Shen Qingqiu used his five-foot tall body to kick Shang Qinghua in the shins. 

That's right! Five fucking feet! Shen Qingqiu seethed in his temporary teenage body. Everything was so high! And he could see under the tables! "Why is there so much dust in your house!?" 

"Not all of us have a protagonist to make our little boytoy maid- ow, stop kicking me!!" 

The scum villain's body lay on the bed, so still it was not even breathing. Shen Qingqiu pulled up its eyelid. "Is he dead?"

“Just soul-less.” Shang Qinghua miserably rubbed at his leg. "You'll be back in once that body dies."

Shen Qingqiu walked to the mirror wearing An Ding disciples’ robes, the only thing Shang Qinghua had on hand that would fit. The reflection looking back at him looked like a mix of his old and new face- half Shen Yuan, half Shen Qingqiu. 

If he was a fictional character, he would have read this part of the plot and written a long comment about the writer's magnificent detailing. Something like, ‘Wow, what an amazing authour! Giving the transmigrator a new body that partially resembles him is a great way to show his development! While he may have been a poser before, his personality has slowly mixed with Shen Qingqiu, and he accepts this!’  

Too bad he was a real person, and this was all pure coincidence! 

Aside from the physical differences, he felt fresher. There was no Without a Cure in this body! Having so much energy again made him a bit sad to know it would only last a few more hours, but the regret was lessened everytime he had to crane his neck up to see Shang Qinghua. 

"Why am I so short, though?" Shen Qingqiu stretched onto his tip toes. "Even in my old life, I was taller than this as a teenager." 

"Oh, Shen Qingqiu was super neglected and malnourished as a kid. He got bigger eventually, though!” As if Shang Qinghua hadn’t just dropped a huge lore bomb, he casually held out a bag of snacks. “Sunflower seeds?” 

“You… stop doing that.” 

Qinghua shrugged and went back to eating the seeds himself. “Your call.” 

“No, not the-” Shen Qingqiu huffed, stealing a glance at his unmoving body. “Stop saying things that make me feel bad for the scum villain! He was an asshole who abused Binghe and tried to molest Yingying!” 

Shang Qinghua paused his chewing, blinking in surprise. “Huh?” He swallowed and set the bag aside. “I mean he totally abused Binghe, but- ohhhh!” Shang Qinghua snapped his fingers. “That’s right, I had to make a new reason for why he was so close to her! And it fit perfectly with the whole villain thing. Nah, that wasn’t the actual reason, bro…” 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t keep his eyes off Shen Jiu’s lifeless body. His backstory was… a lot to process, to say the least. 

What the man had done was awful, of course. Completely unjustifiable to take out his pain on sweet, innocent Binghe. But then, hadn’t Binghe taken his own pain out on so many who didn’t deserve it? When he merged the realms together and left all the non-cultivating humans to fend for themselves amongst the new demonic environment, how was he any better than Shen Qingqiu taking out his anger against the uninvolved?

Huh… in hindsight, maybe it was some kind of foreshadowing that Shen Qingqiu killed Liu Qingge, a fellow peak lord, for no reason, when Binghe would later raze Cang Qiong to the ground and kill the peak lords also uninvolved in his abuse. Something about how they’d been through similar experiences and ended up the same way…

…nah, he was giving Airplane too much credit. 

But still, Shen Qingqiu had been an avid Luo Binghe apologist during his anti-fan days. Bingge might have done some horrible things, but he deserved to be a badass emperor after all the abuse he’d gone through! Except Shen Jiu also wanted to grow from his abuse and become someone who had everything, but all he’d earned was a vicious death… which he deserved! But still…

All this back and forth was making Shen Qingqiu’s head hurt! It was easy to hate the scum villain for so long, and now he had no one to direct his anger to!

So, he directed his rage towards the one person who deserved it at all times. 

"Hack authour! Sellout coward!" Shen Qingqiu screamed at the sky. Shang Qinghua was holding onto his hovering sword for dear life, like a cat stuck in a tree trying to escape from a barking dog. "Get down here, you bastard!" 

Shang Qinghua pulled himself up onto the sword, shaking as he balanced himself. "Sorry, bro! Just remembered I have to be… uh, with my king!" Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to scream more, only to be cut off by the man. "I wouldn't use Xiu Ya to follow me! Unless you want everyone to know some kid has Shen Qingqiu's weapon! Bye!" 

Shen Qingqiu continued cursing the man flying away until he tired himself out. 

After the emotional exhaustion that followed from Shang Qinghua’s explanation, Shen Qingqiu honestly wanted to sleep until he woke up in the peak lord’s body again. 

“Excuse me?” 

[Contact made with protagonist! Services returning…]

Services returning!? The system was gone all day!? Fuck, he could have done so much without it lording over him!! 

Shen Qingqiu turned to find Luo Binghe. Except… Binghe was so tall. And kind of muscled? What the hell? Huh, the scum villain’s body towered over Binghe so easily, now that he was the height of an actual child, Shen Qingqiu could see his little white lotus didn’t look like such a sheep to everyone else. 

Luo Binghe’s mouth fell open. “Shizun!?” 

Great. Another tiring thing to deal with. 

"This one heard Cang Qiong’s disciples were the most filial," Shen Qingqiu admonished. "Yet, it seems they'll call any stranger their shizun." 

Thoroughly chastised, Luo Binghe stepped back to introduce himself. “Apologies… This one is Luo Binghe,” he bowed his head. With Binghe’s wide innocent eyes staring at him, the boy shyly holding his hands together, it didn’t matter if Binghe was currently taller or stronger than him. It was still Binghe. “And if I may ask for your name…?” 

Shen Qingqiu may have had to behave like the scum villain in order to survive, but in truth he was always a great actor. In his old life, he’d dazzle businessmen at parties with some charming and easygoing attitude, winning over investors at the parties his parents made him attend for their company. Then he’d return to being a hermit, going home to demand some insanely priced exclusive figure as compensation from his family while he spent the rest of his life in the dark reading trashy webnovels. 

What persona would he choose today? It would be fun to pick someone cool, a strong man that could compliment Binghe… 

"Han Solo," he answered, and immediately wanted to kick himself. Under Binghe's confused gaze, he hurriedly added, "Courtesy name. Binghe may call this one Han Yuan." 

Ahhh, after all that thinking, he was back to being boring old Shen Yuan! That was fine, too. Shen Yuan was also a character he hadn’t played in very long. 

“ Han Yuan ,” Binghe repeated. He stared at Shen Yuan unabashedly. Shen Yuan pulled out his fan. What? Shen Qingqiu wasn't the only person in the world who could hide his face! 

(…he liked it, okay?)

“I haven’t seen Han Yuan on An Ding before.” 

Shen Yuan fluttered his fan. “Just visiting. I only borrowed the robes as I had nothing else to wear.” 

“Visiting… a family member?” 

Binghe, just come out and say it! He looked like your shizun! Shen Yuan nodded coolly. “Shen Qingqiu is this one’s cousin.” 

And no one could deny that! It’s not as if Shen Jiu had any family that could say ‘Han Yuan’ wasn’t related to them! 

…fuck, that was so sad! 

Talk about something else, talk about something else! “Why is Luo Binghe at the An Ding peak lord’s home?” 

Binghe snapped back to himself, finally looking away from Shen Yuan. “I just came to pick something up from my shishu.” 

Binghe glanced at the door. The door to the house that held Shen Qingqiu’s inanimate body! 

He dashed over, grabbing Binghe’s arm. Binghe startled, then blushed in embarrassment at his nervous reaction. “Shi- Han Yuan?” 

“Binghe would leave a visiting cultivator unescorted so he can focus on his own business?” Shen Yuan quickly bullshitted, “Cang Qiong’s disciples are truly contemptuous!” 

“No!” Binghe yelled in dismay. “This lowly one would be ecstatic to keep shizun’s family company!” 

Shen Yuan snapped the fan shut and hung it at his hip. “Then come join me for a walk.” He let go of his disciple, and walked away before Binghe could say anything else. The boy was following behind him soon enough, if the quick footsteps catching up were any indication. Right, Shen Yuan only had to keep Binghe busy for a few hours before he could return to his body. 

(When did Shen Yuan start thinking of Shen Qingqiu as ‘his’ body?) 

Binghe slowed to match Yuan’s pace at his side. How embarrassing to be more than a head shorter than his own student! 

“If this one may ask Han Yuan,” Binghe began. “You and my shizun must be very close?” 

“Not at all,” Shen Yuan replied curtly. Binghe practically wilted, big puppy eyes begging him for more information. He sighed. “Shen Qingqiu only recently found out about his relation to the Hans, so we did not grow up together, if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

Shen Yuan internally lit a candle to every person in this world with the surname Han. Sorry you’ll have to deal with the demonic emperor demanding to know if you’re harbouring Shen Qingqiu in a few years! 

As the logistics peak, An Ding was a frequent stop for any of Cang Qiong's residents. Whether it was a teacher demanding new supplies, or a student delivering their master's requests, or even the stair-sweeper asking for a raise- everyone came to An Ding! So it wasn't surprising in the least when Binghe and Yuan found a trio of Bhai Zhan students loitering near the gardens. 

He’d predicted the two of them would be ignored, or given a polite nod at most. Instead, a disciple pointed at Binghe. “Recovered from your last loss? Aww, what will you do without your shijie to hide behind?”

Ah, the bullies from Bhai Zhan he’d been hearing so much about. 

Binghe's hand flew to Zheng Yang, but Shen Yuan protectively stepped in front of him. "You dare disrespect a disciple of Qing Jing in front of this one?" 

Shen Yuan waited for the children to turn pale with fear and regret. He waited for them to grovel, or maybe run before their shizun could find out and punish them. He did not expect the tallest boy to turn to his friend and say, "Who the hell is he?" 

Oh. Yeah, he wasn’t Shen Qingqiu at the moment… 

“He’s wearing an An Ding uniform!” Another one of the canon fodder pointed at him. “Careful, he might do your taxes!” 

The trio burst into laughter. Honestly, Shen Yuan was surprised this world had taxes. “Let’s go, Binghe… Binghe?” 

Binghe looked downright enraged. “How dare you disrespect shizun’s cousin!” 

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan chided. Binghe frowned down at him. “Let it be. Are you going to ruin my tour by picking a fight?” 

Clearly the obedience carried over even if his shizun wasn’t in his original form. He hurriedly followed Yuan once he turned to leave, his steps only pausing when a flying rock hit Binghe’s back. Shen Yuan sighed in annoyance. 

He was a grown ass man! He did not need to fight little kids! And on the occasion that he felt some disciples needed to be punished for their behaviour, Shen Yuan would go to Liu Qingge and have him ‘train’ his students to get revenge. 

But. But! Right now he wasn’t Shen Qingqiu. Of course he wasn’t going to sit idly by and let them bully his little lotus!! Right before the next stone could get to them, Shen Yuan pulled out his fan, blowing the projectile away with a breeze. 

… at least, that was the plan. He’d forgotten how much energy was in this body, and the ‘breeze’ ended up as a strong gust that knocked the boys onto their backs. Binghe and Yuan stared at them, then each other. “Should we run?” Binghe offered. When Yuan nodded, they set off.

The two sat by the lake, watching the swans. 

Hack authour! Swans weren’t native to Asia, so what were they doing in a xianxia world!? Do the barest amount of research before you write! 

“Did you know swans mate for life?” Shen Yuan commented. 

“Is-is that so.” Binghe swallowed loudly. “Han Yuan is very knowledgeable about this world’s creatures.” 

Because they weren’t even from this world! 

While Yuan watched the birds, he could sense Binghe’s gaze on him instead. He lifted his face to catch the other boy’s eyes, and Binghe quickly turned back to the swans. 

"Don't think I haven't noticed Binghe stealing glances at me all day," Shen Yuan stated abruptly, and Binghe's face went pink. "Is there something you'd like to say to me?"

“That’s…. Binghe shook his head, his hands squeezed together on his lap. “This one can’t say.” 

“Well, now I have to know.” Shen Yuan pinched at Binghe’s cheek. “What is it? Out with it.” 

Binghe’s blush deepened as he hesitated. “Does Han Yuan promise he won’t be angry?” 

“... sure. I asked, after all.” 

“And-and you can’t tell anyone.” 

“Fine.” 

“You have to promise!” 

Ah, the fickleness of a teenage boy… “I swear on my honour as a cultivator I will not tell a soul, lest I be struck down by the heavens themselves. Happy? Now get on with it.” 

Binghe looked down, hiding his face behind a curtain of his long hair. “Han Yuan… resembles….” 

Shen Yuan waited patiently for Binghe to finish his… whatever this was. 

Binghe finally had the courage to continue. “Han Yuan is just like my… my…! The love of my life!” 

Woah!? 

Binghe absolutely refused to talk about girls with Shen Qingqiu, always insisting he had no interest. What a brat, lying to his shizun like that! But even more than that, hearing the future harem master with hundred of women say something like ‘the love of my life’ was just too shocking. 

Once he processed that, the rest sunk into him. Shen Yuan resembled who!? Did Binghe even need to say? ‘Han Yuan’ matched Shen Qingqiu by about 50%. Other than that, there was no one who looked like Shen Yuan at Cang Qiong. 

Shen Yuan asked a bit more to confirm. “Binghe’s special person is a cultivator? Someone peerlessly beautiful? Aloof and well-read?” 

Binghe blushed to the tips of his ears. “Han Yuan already knows who it is…” 

Of course! There was no one on Cang Qiong he could think of whose face resembled him other than Shen Qingqiu. Therefore, it had to be someone whose face he's yet to see- who else but the most beautiful of Bingge’s wives, Liu Mingyan? 

… honestly, that was a huge ego boost. If someone had told him in his previous life that he looked like the second most beautiful character in PIDW, he might have actually listened to his mother and bothered making a Tinder profile. 

Odd, though. Binghe wasn’t supposed to see under Mingyan’s veil for a few hundred more chapters. Then again, in the original, she had to grieve after her brother’s death- since Shen Qingqiu had prevented that, she must have had time to spend with Binghe. 

Still, strange that Liu Mingyan didn't resemble her brother. 

Wait- was that why- "Does Liu Qingge get in the way of Binghe's courting?" 

With more bitterness than he'd ever seen from his little lotus, Binghe muttered, "Constantly." 

That explained so much…! No wonder Binghe always glared at his shishu like the man had personally offended him. Liu Qingge was a protective man, always yelling at Shen Qingqiu for taking risks with his health. He could only imagine how he'd guard his precious sister! Poor Binghe, what could he do about being cock-blocked by the War God? 

Binghe had finally entrusted him with this secret, so of course Yuan was going to hype him up! “Don’t worry,” he encouraged. “Binghe will surely make his beloved into his wife.” 

An utterly choked sound left him. "Wife?" 

Was Binghe hyperventilating? 

"Wife… my wife…" Binghe shook his head, like a dog trying to shake off bathwater, then starting frantically pulling at his hair. "My-my… my…" 

That might have been too much for his innocent little lotus… Before Shen Yuan could soothe him, Binghe squealed. 

"Shizun said that too!" Binghe blurted. "About, about, about…! He said- Binghe's wife!!" 

Shen Yuan nodded. That's right, he'd hinted multiple times that Mingyan would make a good wife. Binghe always pouted and insisted he wanted no such thing, but it seemed he'd secretly listened. 

"You really think…" Binghe's face was bright red, and he clutched his chest with a heart wrenchingly insecure face. "Someone so perfect could really love someone like me? Can this lowly one really think of marrying someone so beautiful and wise?" 

Aww… Binghe… Shen Yuan’s heart skipped a beat at the pure adoration in Binghe’s voice. 

"There, there.” Shen Yuan rubbed a comforting hand on Binghe’s back, eliciting another whine. “Binghe shouldn’t underestimate his beauty. Anyone would be lucky to have him.” 

Binghe only whimpered in reply, so Shen Yuan kept talking. 

“Binghe can have any wife he pleases! I resemble your future wife by about half my face, right? One day, Binghe can have a whole family, with children who resemble you both-”

At the words, Binghe practically collapsed onto Shen Yuan’s side. He hid his burning face into Yuan’s sleeve. Despite his size, he was nestled into the cloth like a child. “Please, don’t tease… you know we can’t have children…” 

Yuan didn't remember any fertility related plots with Liu Mingyan, but then again, there were a lot of those in PIDW. If he'd managed to erase it from his mind, that was for the best. 

“Sure you can,” Shen Yuan replied confidently. “Lots of people in this world hunt for rare and special herbs that can make it possible for anyone to bear a child.” 

Just like wife #167… Yan Chuntao. 

Now unlike some degenerates, Shen Yuan wasn't bitchless enough to memorize the name and order of every wife Binghe had ever had… Yan Chuntao was special to him, as his least favourite wife. 

Yan Chuntao couldn't be with Binghe, not because of an overbearing family or an engagement to another man as many plots described. She didn't have the parts- she was a mermaid, and unless Luo Binghe wanted his future children to be caviar, he had to change that. 

So, Binghe went on a long and arduous journey and fought many monsters to obtain the Full Moon Womb Lily, and made a tea that would give the mermaid a human woman’s body. 

Great Master Airplane of course stretched this journey out over several chapters, which meant by the time Bingge actually returned to Chuntao, there had already been lots of criticism- mainly in the form of mermaid fuckers insisting they’d unsubscribe if Binghe didn’t have sex with her in her mer form first. 

The sellout hack bastard that he was, Airplane made it so the tea wouldn’t take effect unless accompanied by a heavenly demon’s pillar. 

The comments were varied. Some raved about the ‘romance’ of it. Many cursed Airplane for reusing half the plot of The Little Mermaid. One brave soul commented, 'Anyone feel like this is a metaphor for being transgender' and sparked a whole new debate. 

At this point Shen Yuan had made the biggest mistake of his life by commenting: Are you guys seriously arguing about the fish's gender instead of the fact that Luo Binghe fucked a FISH? 

Dammit, this was one thing Shen Yuan refused to budge on! Who cared if the mermaid had a woman's face and tits! If it swims like a fish, breathes underwater like a fish, and has a tail like a fish, then it's a fucking fish! Luo Binghe had sex with a fish! 

The mermaid fuckers hadn't liked that. Shen Yuan might have been doxxed at one point? He tried to repress that whole week as much as possible. To say PIDW and its fans took years off his life wouldn’t even be an exaggeration- the stupid fucking webnovel had literally killed him!!

So lost to his seething, Shen Yuan had forgotten Binghe was with him. Luckily, the boy was also lost in thought, a dazed and faraway look in his eyes. “Binghe?” 

“Han Yuan knows so much… he really is similar to shizun…” Binghe looked up at him with his wide dark eyes. “But I don't want any children!” Binghe shut his eyes tightly, forcing the words out. “I don’t want anyone else stealing away m-my, my, my wife's attention!" He covered his face with his hands, shaking his head desperately. "Kyaa! I said it, I said it! I said my wife! Shizun should… no, my wife should punish me for daring to!" 

Thank you for reconsidering and leaving him out of that, Binghe… 

Binghe’s voice had been steadily growing more and more unsteady throughout their talk, but now it had reached a worrying wobble. Shen Yuan could only watch helplessly as fat tears slid down Binghe’s face. 

He may have overdone it… What was he thinking telling Binghe to go have a family, when the boy could barely admit to his shizun he had a crush? Wrapping his arms around the boy, Shen Qingqiu got to work calming him. "Binghe, ah, Binghe, don't cry, hm? Come on, you're such a big, strong boy, aren't you?" 

Though Binghe was at least a head taller than him, he was curled up into Yuan's arms and sniffling as he wormed deeper into the embrace. 

“There we are… good boy, that’s it. No more crying, okay?” Shen Yuan patted Binghe’s head the way he knew the boy loved. He continued for some time, just whispering soothing words until Binghe’s sobs died down. 

Shen Yuan expected Binghe to shyly run away after that, or pretend the whole affair didn’t happen. He didn't expect Binghe to shove him away from him so roughly! The swans flew away in a panic. 

Sprawled out on the ground, Shen Yuan looked up to see Binghe jump to his feet. With a voice still raspy from his crying, Binghe yelled, “Stop trying to seduce me!” 

"Who the hell is trying to seduce you!" Shen Yuan sputtered. 

“You are!” The tears that were resting in Binghe’s eyes began to fall again. “Why are you acting like this! You- you’re being so kind and-and you look so beautiful- and- and-!” 

The rest of Binghe’s words were cut off by a series of wet hiccups. 

Despite Binghe’s pathetic state, he made a good point, actually. In this world, the only person who had ever been kind to Binghe at this age had been Ning Yingying, because she was written to be his future wife. Narratively speaking, it would be confusing for a boy close to Binghe's age to be nice to him, instead of kicking him around. 

It was kind of sad to think, though, that Binghe would never have an actual friend. Mobei-Jun came close, and even then, he was more of an underling than anything. 

"Binghe is right," Shen Yuan agreed. He stood onto his feet. "Then I'll be leaving." 

He turned, and barely took three steps before a body was slamming into his back, arms wrapping tightly around him. "No! Don't leave me!" 

Telling him to leave one second, then clinging to him the next! "Luo Binghe, make up your mind!" 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Binghe wailed. 

Shen Yuan sighed and resigned himself to another session of Binghe crying while he clung to him. 

"Everything you do is so similar," Binghe whispered. "Not just your face… the way you talk, and fight, and hold your fan…" 

Shen Yuan had to feel a bit compassionate. Ah, this stallion protagonist-to-be was such a romantic as a child! 

But he was also pretty stupid, huh? Binghe, in what world was covering one's face with a fan comparable to covering it with a veil? If this boy ever boarded a train in Beijing, he'd think every person wearing a face mask was Liu Mingyan! 

Binghe's arms tightened even further around him. "I know it's not right, and you're not the same person, but…" 

Binghe’s voice was dangerously watery. Shen Yuan couldn't help but be hopelessly endeared by the display, and lifted his arm to pat at Binghe’s head in an attempt to calm him down. The action clearly had the opposite attempt, ripping a sob from Binghe as his arms tightened even further around Yuan. 

“Stop crying, stop crying,” Shen Yuan whispered. “Look at you, how can such a-” How can such a handsome boy ruin his face with tears , he nearly said. He caught himself just in time, blushing. Geez, no wonder Binghe was getting all worked up, if he said such things so thoughtlessly! He cleared his throat and continued, “How can such a big boy be so emotional, hm? Come on.” 

Internally, Shen Yuan swore to himself he’d get Binghe a date with Mingyan without Liu Qingge to hover over them. The poor boy was so starved! 

Binghe finally let go, his snivelling nearly at a stop. What was with Binghe today? He’d spent more time crying than he’d spent speaking coherently. 

Shen Yuan hadn't realized the two had been out together so long- the sun was setting, casting a beautiful glow on the lake. Binghe fidgeted next to him before grabbing Yuan's hand. 

"Han Yuan!" Binghe big watery eyes looked down at him. Can-can I-" 

In his excitement, Binghe tried to pull Shen Yuan closer. The two were speechless when Yuan's hand popped clean off his arm. 

Oh, yeah. Just a few hours for this body. Binghe's eyes went wide in horror, staring at the appendage. 

"Ta… ta-da!" Yuan grabbed the hand, attaching it back to his body. Then he flexed his fingers. "A fun little magic trick! Got you, didn't I?" 

Binghe only remained speechless. 

Ah, he had to say his goodbyes quick and get back to his body! “It was just a little joke, don’t worry-” 

Binghe pulled on his hand again. The hand popped off again. 

[+100 trauma points!]  

Stop! Fucking! Making! Up! Points!!! 

Shen Yuan had already muted the notifications for satisfaction points long ago, as he did with everything except B-points (seriously, why did other points exist if only B-points had value??), so he hit the ‘mute trauma points’ button instantly. 

 "Binghe, give me…" Give me back my detached hand? How could he say that? 

Binghe stared at the body part he was holding with his jaw wide open. "I… I didn't mean to…" 

"Binghe, it's fine-"

"I tore off your arm." 

Shen Yuan tried to respond, but a tingling sensation at the side of his head distracted him. He managed to slap his ear against himself just before it could fall off. "Binghe, I have to go, so…"

"What!?" Binghe's face was a concerning blue. "But, you're injured!" 

It was clear that a) Binghe was not planning to give back his hand and b) the plant body was falling apart. Stupid Shang Qinghua, wasting a mushroom on this deformed mess! And he'd really liked talking to Binghe like this…

With no other option, Shen Yuan simply ran away. 

"Wait!" Binghe held up his slowly rotting hand as he called after him. "What about your…!?" 

Shen Yuan ignored him and sprinted as fast as he could. 

[Achievement unlocked! Cinderella Left the Prince Her… Hand?]  

Go to hell! 

The second Shen Qingqiu entered the bamboo house, Binghe was firing away at him, like a dog barking madly once its owner came home. 

"Shizun, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry, I was just- I didn't want to!" Binghe sobbed. Shen Qingqiu froze in the doorway under the assault of Binghe's red eyes. "Your cousin, I don't know how it happened, his hand just came off! I tried to keep it fresh with qi but it just withered-" 

"Calm down, Binghe," Shen Qingqiu ordered. "I met with Han Yuan on the way, and he's perfectly fine." 

"What? No, that can't be possible!" 

"Binghe," Shen Qingqiu softened his words. "It's just a trick he likes to play. He does it to everyone, his hand is perfectly fine." 

"But…" 

Shen Qingqiu raised a brow. "You don't believe your shizun?" 

"No, I do!" Binghe exclaimed. 

"Then let it be." His hand made its way to Binghe's fluffy locks automatically, petting them. Ah, it was nice to be tall again! 

"Shizun, there's something I have to tell you," Binghe said solemnly. "The reason I was so afraid I'd hurt Han Yuan was because…" Binghe hung his head. "I've been cultivating demonic-" 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Binghe you can't talk about that!! If you exposed yourself now, what excuse would Shen Qingqiu have to throw you into the abyss!? 

"Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu interrupted. Binghe jumped in fear, but Shen Qingqiu quickly changed the topic. "First, I have good news!" 

Binghe stared at him. "Shizun, this is really important…"

"More important than what your master has to say?" 

"No, of course not, but-"

"So anyway!" Shen Qingqiu interrupted inelegantly once again. Thankfully Binghe had gone from looking like a traumatised and fearful puppy to just being very perplexed. "This master stopped by Xian Shu and asked the head disciple to aid Binghe with his training in my place tomorrow," Shen Qingqiu shared. "Your Liu-shishu and I will be visiting the next town over… for the entirety of the day." 

That's right, the devil works hard, but Shen Qingqiu works harder! A day with Liu Mingyan all for Binghe with her big brother out of the way! 

Shen Qingqiu expected Binghe to light up and thank his shizun endlessly, or at least blush over the clear matchmaking attempt. Instead he stared at him with an unnervingly blank face. “Shizun and Liu-shishu,” Binghe repeated. His face crumpled even more. "Why?" 

Why!? Shen Qingqiu wanted to sigh. Did he have to spell everything out for this boy! "Doesn't Binghe think the season is right for romance?" 

Binghe stayed silent for a worrying amount of time. Then finally, he croaked out, "No?" 

… 

"I think today's been a bit tiring for the both of us," Shen Qingqiu sighed. "Get some rest, Binghe, this master will be retiring early for the night." 

Binghe's voice was thick when he called out, "But shizun-" 

Shen Qingqiu cared about all his students very much. But he could only spend so many hours in one day comforting Binghe while he cried! "Goodnight, Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu said with finality before he closed his bedroom door. 

Chapter Text

Liu Qingge liked Shen Qingqiu.

His fellow peak lord (friend?) was strong, well-natured, intelligent, and most importantly, straight forward. One would expect the scholar of the sect to speak endlessly in pointless, flowery language, but it was surprisingly the opposite. Out of all his martial siblings, Shen Qingqiu’s manner was easily the simplest to understand. 

Shang Qinghua would ramble on for hours if let be, only getting to the point when Liu Qingge growled for him to stop wasting his time. Mu Qingfan always felt the need to explain every little thing about an injury, when in the end it just amounted to something like, ‘don’t use your left hand for a few days.’ 

Shen Qingqiu would fly over to Bai Zhan unannounced, not bothering with the formality of sending a notice, and say, "Hello. Is Liu-shidi free to join me for a mission?" Then they’d set off with no further delay. 

Two years ago Liu Qingge would never have dared to think such a thing, but now he couldn’t help but feel, ‘ why can’t everyone be like Shen Qingqiu? ’ 

He jumped off Cheng Luan once he spotted the man at the town plaza, chatting with a server holding a tray. The girl fled from his table once Qingge marched over, and Shen Qingqiu gave him a disapproving pout. “Good morning, shidi. Please don’t glare at the staff here like that.” 

Qingge ignored that, crossing his arms and staring down at his shixiong. “Where is the monster.” 

"Oh, that," Shen Qingqiu answered simply. He took his time, sipping his tea before setting the cup down and smiling at him. "This master lied." 

Saying something like that like it was nothing… Liu Qingge really liked Shen Qingqiu. 

Not sure what to say, he just stayed silent and waited for the man to explain. 

"Would Liu-shidi have come otherwise?" Shen Qingqiu sighed. "We never spend time together." 

Never spend time together!? Every free moment Liu Qingge had went to the man! Qingge rolled his eyes. "Will you not be satisfied until I swear the rest of my days to you!?" 

A shout of "HOW DARE-" rang out through the plaza, and disappeared just as quickly. Both he and Shen Qingqiu eyed the plaza, trying to find the source to no avail. In the end the Qing Jing peak lord just sighed and poured himself another cup. "This trip may have been long overdue," Shen Qingqiu admitted. "Barely an hour away from my peak and this master thinks every stray voice is one of his students." 

Liu Qingge didn’t have that problem, though if he said such a thing, Shen Qingqiu would no doubt nag him to take on a head disciple. 

Standing next to the man peacefully enjoying his drink, he couldn’t help feeling out of place. Liu Qingge had friends before Shen Qingqiu, of course. He was arguably the most popular boy on Bai Zhan during his disciple days. But his friends would spend time with him by training and trying to break his face. He'd never been friends with someone like Shen Qingqiu, who invited him to another town for tea. 

"What am I supposed to do here," Liu Qingge demanded. 

It always made Qingge oddly aware of himself, when Shen Qingqiu looked at him with clear amusement. Tipping the teapot into an empty cup, Shen Qingqiu said, "You can drink the tea." 

Who had tea on such a warm day? Liu Qingge stiffly picked up the porcelain and forced himself to chug the hot liquid, staring at the other as he put his cup down roughly. "Now what." 

Shen Qingqiu shook his head in disbelief. "How do you exist?" 

Liu Qingge had no direction for this kind of outing, and the helplessness was aggravating. So he said, “I’m going back.” 

" Shidi, " Shen Qingqiu called disapprovingly. Liu Qingge absolutely hated that ‘disappointed teacher’ voice. He didn’t need more than one word to make anyone do as he wanted. 

A part of him did feel endlessly flattered that Shen Qingqiu had invited him. The man wasn’t easy to get a hold of. The sect leader, who was always allowed to visit Qing Jing for the barest amount possible before being politely chased away, would have thrown up blood to see Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu spending the day out together. 

Someone like Shen Qingqiu would never say, ‘please stay.’ He was above such things. Shen Qingqiu was the type to say, ‘I just saved your life, but it was no big deal for me. I may have made you reconsider everything you know about me, and people as a whole, but that’s nothing. While you’re struggling to pull yourself together from your life-altering qi-deviation, I’ll just get going and fight a bunch of demons on my own, because you’re not important enough to wait for!’

Okay, maybe Liu Qingge was still angry about the incident in the caves. 

Honestly, would it have killed Shen Qingqiu to take him along? No, he just had to go on ahead and put himself in danger! 

Of course Liu Qingge had arrived right after Shen Qingqiu had been poisoned. It was a bitter feeling, failing to protect his shixiong right after he’d been saved by the same man! If he just waited a bit, and let Liu Qingge accompany him back to the peak…! 

In an attempt to communicate this, Liu Qingge pointed at the man. “You. You’re too impatient.” 

Shen Qingqiu looked back incredulously. “ I’m too impatient? You just drank hot tea like it was a shot of liquor!” 

How frustrating! This man always badgered him to ‘ use your words, shidi ’, but when he did, Shen Qingqiu didn’t understand at all! Pressing more, he made himself continue, “You didn’t wait for me.” 

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw dropped a bit. “I’ve been here all day!” 

…this was a lost cause. “I’m leaving,” Liu Qingge repeated, now a bit more bummed out. 

He heard the chair scrape against the stone ground as Shen Qingqiu rose to his feet and walked to Liu Qingge’s side. "Okay, okay, if shidi says I didn't wait, then I didn't wait," Shen Qingqiu coddled him. "Let this master make it up to you, hm? There's many interesting things to do in this town, my treat." 

That was hardly what he was vying for, but he gave in anyway. “Fine.” 

“Excellent!” His shixiong embraced around Liu Qingge’s arm, looking up at him with a smile. “Isn’t it nice to have some time to ourselves?” 

Liu Qingge sputtered, blushing. "Sh-Shen Qingqiu!" 

The man didn't bat an eye, pulling him along as if it was perfectly normal to do something like this in broad daylight!? They weren’t even married! "Hush, shidi, you're the Bai Zhan War God! No one will say anything if you spend the day with another man."

Liu Qingge would never understand him. 

*

Luo Binghe hated Liu Qingge. 

He had no class, no sensitivity! Always just barging into the bamboo house wordlessly like a ruffian and using up shizun’s precious time! 

Hidden behind a small shop, he couldn’t understand why shizun had insisted on this… surely the tea at home was much better than whatever they served here? 

Across the plaza, Shen Qingqiu stood from his seat and linked his arms with his companion. 

Binghe whimpered at the sight. “Shizun…” 

Liu Mingyan, also hiding with him, said, “What is Luo Binghe’s plan?”

It wasn’t that Luo Binghe didn’t like her- okay, well, he didn’t like her. But he didn’t dislike her. She was intelligent, concise with her words, and had a calm energy that made her pleasant to be around. Binghe just had no idea why she was here, or why she wouldn’t leave . 

Like she’d read his thoughts, the girl answered, “Shishu asked me to stay with you today.” 

For the nth time, Binghe politely repeated himself. “This disciple thanks Liu-shijie for her consideration, but I will not be needing her help.” 

Rather stubbornly, Liu Mingyan insisted, “Shishu asked me to stay with you.” 

Binghe rubbed at his temples. Both the Liu siblings were such a hassle to get rid of! 

Before he could continue his attempt at dissuading Mingyan’s dutiful companionship, she spoke first. “Is that Ning-shijie?” 

Please don’t be, please don’t be , Binghe internally begged, and sighed when he followed Mingyan’s gaze to see it was indeed their Ning-shijie. 

Binghe had dressed in a darker outer layer to blend in with the townspeople, and Liu Mingyan had brought a light coat that covered her purple robes enough to prevent her from standing out. Ning Yingying, running towards them in her white and green disciple’s robes, drew attention easily. 

Once she reached them, Binghe watched with second-hand embarrassment as the girl rested her hands on her knees, struggling to catch her breath. Shizun was always lenient when it came to punishing his only female disciple, but really, perhaps he should have been making her run a few more laps… 

Voice still breathy, she looked up. “A-Luo, what a coincidence bumping into you here!” 

Mingyan and Binghe were both speechless. 

Ning Yingying leaned against the wall, posing awkwardly. Binghe watched in confusion as she flexed her thin, slender arm like she was a weightlifter. Then she turned and acted surprised to find the other girl accompanying him. "Oh, heyyy Mingyan-shimei, didn't see you." Ning Yingying then did some strange… blink with only one eye. "Here, let me get that for you." 

Ning Yingying took Liu Mingyan's bag out of her hand- and then promptly fell over. 

Sprawled out on the ground, she groused, "What's in this!? It’s so heavy!" 

Mingyan opened her bag to show about twenty thick novels. "There was a bookstore nearby." 

Before the girl could make any more of a fool out of Qing Jing, Binghe pulled her up to her feet and dragged her away from the younger Liu sibling. "What are you doing here?" 

“What am I doing!?” Ning Yingying hissed back. She jabbed a pointed finger into his chest. “What is A-Luo doing! How can you do this to shizun? Walking around town with another girl…”

Rushing to defend himself, Binghe cried, “I don’t even want her here!” 

“Don’t want her!?” That only infuriated the girl more. “Is Mingyan-shimei not good enough for you!? How dare you lead her on like this!?” 

Getting angry with him when she thought he was with Liu Mingyan willingly, then getting angry when he said he wasn’t! What did his shijie want from him!? 

Ning Yingying stomped back to where Mingyan was patiently waiting for them to finish their discussion. A headache was beginning to form when Yingying stated, “I’m coming with you two!” 

Binghe could hardly stalk watch over his shizun with two others with him! It was already a difficult task to follow two peak lords undetected, and with a party this large… First he’d gotten straddled with Liu Mingyan, now Ning Yingying also insisted on tagging along! "Fine!” Binghe threw up his hands in frustration. “Is that everyone, or will others be joining us?" 

As if to answer his question, a voice yelled, "I knew it!" 

Binghe buried his head in his hands as Ming Fan ran up to the three of them. 

The boy looked like he was about to break out into sobs any second. "You thought you could all have fun with shizun without me, huh!?" He sniffled." Why didn't shizun invite me? I'm his head disciple!" Ming Fan wailed, then pointed at Liu Mingyan. "You're not even a Qing Jing student!" 

“Shixiong is right!” His shijie threw herself onto Liu Mingyan’s arm. “We should go elsewhere and leave the boys-” 

"I have to stay with Luo Binghe," Liu Mingyan repeated. Ning Yingying shot him a hateful glare, as if it was his fault she was following him around!? 

“Listen, all of you,” Binghe said loudly. With the three guest’s attention, he explained. “I can’t be messing around. I have an important task to protect shizun-" Wait, shizun! Binghe ran back to his spying observing place and let out a sob of dismay when he found the table empty. "Where is shizun!?" 

Ming Fan also looked around. “What do you mean, where is shizun? Aren’t you here together?” 

“We will find him.” With conviction in her voice, Liu Mingyan stepped up and stated, “This one will ensure the two of you are reunited.” 

“Uh, if Mingyan is going with you, then-then I can’t just leave her with two boys! That would be improper!” Yingying hastily added. 

Another sniffle from Ming Fan. “I’m gonna find shizun and demand to know why he didn’t tell me about this trip!” 

Binghe wondered if he was going to make it through the day without a qi-deviation. 

Shen Qingqiu had another cup of tea in his hands as he watched the performers. Qingge was starting to worry about him. Maybe needing to drink tea every few minutes was a side effect of Without a Cure?

The man caught his eye and gave him that familiar entertained smile. “Has shidi heard a single word?”

Liu Qingge’s cheeks went hot as he realized he’d only been watching Shen Qingqiu throughout the entire play. 

Without waiting for his answer, Shen Qingqiu shuffled closer, close enough for their arms to press together. Then he whispered into his ear, “It’s a basic harem drama.” He nodded his head to the woman in green. “She’s just a maid, but the husband has been eyeing her, so the wives have gotten jealous.” 

Liu Qingge huffed. “You like this?” 

“Of course not,” Shen Qingqiu replied. Despite how quiet his words were, a few audience members shot them dirty looks. “It’s ridiculous. As if a maid will threaten a wife’s position, when the husband needs her clan to back him… such a low-IQ villain…”

Giving that much thought to such a stupid show… Shen Qingqiu definitely liked it, then.  

“If shidi isn’t interested, we can leave.” 

Though no one was stupid enough to start a fight with two peak lords, Liu Qingge was becoming annoyed with all the men turning to stare at his shixiong. “Let’s go.” 

Swiftly leaving their chairs, that exited back onto the street. The town had a bustling marketplace that packed the roads, making Liu Qingge feel claustrophobic and irritated. Luckily it only took one person bumping into him to fix that- a scowl had the man stammering out terrified apologies that made the rest of the people give him a wide berth. 

“I was hoping to do some shopping, but it’s rather crowded,” Shen Qingqiu commented disapprovingly. “Shall we stop somewhere for lunch and return when the rush hour has settled?” 

“No tea,” Liu Qingge replied. 

Shen Qingqiu hummed thoughtfully, then let out a soft, “Oh!” Liu Qingge let him drag them into an alley, thankfully devoid of people. Near the end was the door to a bar. “It doesn’t seem too great, but I doubt we’ll find anywhere quieter.” 

Liu Qingge nodded in agreement and pushed inside. Truly the place was dingy, but near empty. They took their seats near the back, and Shen Qingqiu ordered them a bottle of wine with some snacks. Shen Qingqiu didn’t touch the wine (“Last time this master drank, he couldn’t remember half the night…”), and Liu Qingge didn’t touch the food (“Greasy and harmful for cultivating the body.”) They were near finished when a voice interrupted their conversation. 

“Cultivators?” The two of them turned their heads to see a scantily clad woman staring at them with wide, desperate eyes. She stopped at their table. “Sir cultivators, please, I need your help!” She begged. “Please, we have money, but we can also pay you in services if that’s-” 

“Hey!” Liu Qingge roared, and the woman jumped back. 

“Shidi!” Shen Qingqiu chided, as if Liu Qingge was in the wrong and not the prostitute daring to sully a peak lord’s character! He turned to the terrified woman with a gentle demeanour. “Please, my lady, this one must apologize for my friend. My shidi is very shy, please don’t take it to heart. We will help you, of course, no pay necessary.” 

Liu Qingge had heard Shen Qingqiu was weak to women, but really, wasn’t this too much…? He zoned out while the woman weeped about some curse, and of course, Shen Qingqiu agreed to do everything he could. Liu Qingge couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed as they followed her to the brothel. 

They stopped in front of a younger woman, laying in bed, holding the back of her hand against her forehead rather dramatically. “Has… has aid arrived…?” 

“Yes,” Shen Qingqiu promised. “I’ve heard a bit from your friend, but I’d like to know a bit more.” 

“Oh, it was dreadful!” She wailed. A handful of other women in the room, joining them to see how this would go, nodded in agreement. “It all began three nights ago… it was raining madly, and a man walked in, crazed eyes and a wild beard! I knew right then he must be a demonic cultivator, and refused him entry! 

“But scorned as he was, how could he simply leave? When I woke the next day, I found the most intimate part of my body cursed!” She wiped away a tear. “There is blood in my urine even though my cycle ended just last week! I am constantly in pain, and it feels like my insides are burning! It feels like I constantly need to use the washroom, but rarely can. And I certainly can’t service anyone-”

“Wait,” Shen Qingqiu interrupted. His face was bright red as he asked, “I have… some-some questions.” He whipped open his fan, though it didn’t do much to hide his embarrassment. “Has anything like this ever happened to you before?” 

“Of course not!” She cried out immediately. 

Shen Qingqiu raised a brow. “Never?” 

After a moment of hesitation, “Maybe a few times, something a little similar… but never to this extent!” 

“Ah, ladies, this… this master believes he knows the issue.” He fanned himself. “This is something you should all hear. Please ask all the women available to come to one room.” 

As the prostitutes shuffled out, spreading word to their friends to come listen to the cultivator, Liu Qingge took his place next to Shen Qingqiu. “You know where to find the man?” 

“N-no,” he admitted. “I don’t believe there was a curse.” 

“Then who was he?” 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Probably just some poor, unfortunate fellow looking to get out of the rain.” 

One person returned to let them know everyone had done as instructed. In a large room, there were about twenty women seated on the carpeted floor, the cushy chairs, the gaudy bed, waiting for them to do… whatever it was. 

“Shidi should stay outside,” Shen Qingqiu offered. 

“No.” Qingge frowned. “What if something happens?” 

“I told you, it’s fine. It’ll take hardly any time.” 

“Doesn’t matter how long,” Liu Qingge answered. “It’s always my duty to protect you.” 

Shen Qingqiu’s hand stilled for a moment before he began to fan himself even faster, avoiding his eye. “Ah, shidi… don’t say such things so directly, it's really…” He cleared his throat. “Really, it would be best if I took care of it.” 

Gritting his teeth, he compromised. “I’ll be right outside, then. Just call.” 

His shixiong nodded gratefully and closed the door behind him. Liu Qingge stood outside, waiting, paranoid he’d suddenly hear fighting and find Shen Qingqiu in danger once again. After some time, the nervous energy turned into perplexity and curiosity. He pressed his ear to the door. 

“...self-cleaning. Something like spraying water inside will only disturb your body’s natural…”

He was… giving them a lecture? 

It wasn’t long before the doors opened again, chattering filling the hallway as everyone exited. 

Finding the long man leaving was easy. “Is the issue resolved?” 

Shen Qingqiu only sighed. “Rather than resolved, let’s say they’ll be able to prevent it in the future.” 

Every attempt to find Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge so far had ended up in disaster. 

Ming Fan had suggested using their swords to fly around the town, claiming the higher vantage point would certainly help. That worked for about ten seconds before he flew into hanging laundry, fell off, and lost control of his sword, which was left to swerve out of control until it narrowly avoided stabbing a passerby in the chest. 

Ning Yinying’s idea was asking around, saying they were looking for their shizun. Once word got out that there was a group of young cultivators in town, they were bombarded with unreasonable requests like, ‘can you use your qi powers to fix the hole in my shoe’ until they fled from the crowd. 

Worst of all was Liu Mingyan’s insistence that Binghe would simply know where to find Shen Qingqiu with his heart. “You know him best,” she insisted, “he will be wherever you think he is.” Shizun was not at the library as Binghe guessed. He also was not at the school, or at the town's most famous restaurant, nor at the clinic. After Binghe’s guess was proven incorrect for the ninth time , Liu Mingyan was still insisting Binghe could do it, he just needed to ‘open his heart more’. 

They were utterly exhausted by the time a dubious looking man approached them. 

“Cultivators, hello.” He was skinny, but clearly well-funded. He smiled at them. “I hear you’re quite stressed… this one has something that can aid you.” 

“We don’t have time,” Liu Mingyan said. 

“Suit yourselves... but this is a special type of smoke,” the peddler continued. “It will open your third eye, enlighten you, ease your troubles.” 

Luo Binghe knew a scam when he saw it. “Don’t pay him any attention.” 

“Wait, wait!” Ming Fan cried. “We’ve been looking for so long! It couldn’t hurt to try…” 

Binghe was in disbelief. Couldn’t hurt? There were plenty of plants in this world that could be fatal to inexperienced cultivators! 

“A-Luo,” Ning Yingying chimed in. “I’m tired…” 

“Yeah!” Ming Fan whined. “Besides, how dangerous could it be if someone can acquire and sell it in a town like this?” 

That was a fair point… Ming Fan, as the oldest, hardly waited for anyone else’s opinion before he was handing money over to the stranger in exchange for a roll and some instructions. Leaving the man behind, the group walked as Ming Fan used his qi to light up the end. 

Seeing the worried glances, Ming Fan smirked. “This is why I’m the head disciple. Being a man means taking risks and trying new things!” Then he put the roll to his lips and inhaled deeply. 

The other three waited for Ming Fan’s epiphany to tell them where shizun was. Instead he took another drag. Then another. Then another. 

“Nothing’s happening, is it,” Liu Mingyan deadpanned. 

Ming Fan, refusing to lose face after his previous statement, flushed. “He said it would take some time to kick in!” 

“You’re not doing it right!” Ning Yingying grabbed it out of Ming Fan’s hand, sucking in several breaths. After a few moments, her face fell. “We totally got scammed, didn’t we.” 

At times like this, Luo Binghe truly lamented being Qing Jing’s youngest student. What good was seniority on someone like Ming Fan…? 

“Let’s just get going,” Binghe sighed. Yingying snubbed out the smoke and threw it away. 

“Where to next?” Mingyan asked. 

“Don’t ask me,” he pleaded. “I can’t guess where shizun is, okay? Let’s just walk around for a bit.” 

Luo Binghe and Liu Mingyan led the way with the older disciples following behind. Soon, they were sharing perplexed glances at the things their shijie and shixiong were saying. 

“If-if-if, if… if we were all cats,” Ming Fan rambled on, “I would pet you with my paw and it would be so soft and fluffy on your cat head.” 

“Sooo true.” Yingying replied. 

Binghe’s feet stopped in shock. Ming Fan was actually smiling . Not a cruel grin, or a stupid laugh. An actual, nice smile . “I think out shizun is kind of like a kitty, and the sect leader is a biiig puppy, and Mu-shishu is, uh, uuhhhhh… and Liu-shishu is uhhhhh.” 

“Oh my god,” Ning Yingying gasped. “Oh my god. Shixiong.” She stopped walking and grasped Ming Fan’s shoulders. “Cats. Girls who are cats. Girls with-with tails and cat ears. Shixiong, do you see my vision?” 

“I see it, shimei,” Ming Fan said in a daze. 

Liu Mingyan finally interrupted them. “Are you two alright?” 

“Shimei,” Yingying breathed out. “Shimei, shimei, shimei. You’re so knowledgeable, can you educate this fellow sect member?” 

“...alright,” Liu Mingyan agreed warily. “What do you need to know?”

“What colour are your nipples? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours…” 

Binghe wanted to cry. 

Stopping their trek so randomly, no one had planned for the group to be standing in front of a brothel. 

“They call it a brothel,” Ming Fan muttered, “because it’s a place you go with the bros. And you go there to… thel.” 

Yingying squinted at him. “Thel?”

Ming Fan nodded. “Thel.” 

“Ohhh,” Yingying exclaimed. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” 

Like he was herding children, Binghe pushed them away from the doors. “We are not going in the brothel.” 

Yingying said, “Do you think brothel women would serve female customers?” The other three disciples paused to stare at her, and she quickly waved her hands. “Not for me! I’m asking for my friend… she goes to another cultivation sect, you wouldn’t know her…” 

A few giggling women exited the building and walked past them. 

“...do such berries exist in this world, he asks! As if we would know more than an immortal scholar! He was such a gentleman, and funny too…” 

Immortal scholar? Binghe paled. 

“Excuse me!” Luo Binghe called out to them. “If this one may trouble you-” 

“Oh, what a handsome young man!” One of the ladies, wearing a long red gown, pinched his cheek. She bent down, showing off her cleavage. “Why, for something as cute as you, I’m tempted to not even charge…” 

Always be respectful to the people our society doesn’t value, Shizun had always told him. There is no one who knows more secrets than those who provide simple services like pleasure or cleaning, as they are the most intimate with people’s bodies and belongings. 

Binghe didn’t even fluster at her words, and politely removed her hand from his face. “This humble disciple is flattered, but that’s not the reason I stopped you, maam.” 

The women’s faces softened at his words, and the one in red leaned back. “Oh, no need to be so formal, honestly… what is it?” 

The other disciples joined the conversation, curious about where this was heading. Binghe probed, “You mentioned an immortal scholar?” 

The shortest woman answered. “Oh, yes. A peak lord, and from a famous sect, here! He imparted some helpful wisdom about our health.” 

Binghe sighed out in relief. Of course shizun wouldn’t visit a brothel for any other reason! He truly was an unfilial disciple, doubting for even a second-

“He refused to take payment, so we gave him and his brutish pretty-boy one of the private rooms.” 

Binghe was going to pass out. 

The suite, usually reserved for the highest paying customers, was actually quite lovely. The ladies had insisted on thanking him for his lesson, and when he said he only wanted some place to sit down for a moment, they’d arranged a full set of snacks and a room. While it was nothing compared to the flavour of Binghe’s food, just the aesthetic of it all was so endearing! A little tower of cute pastries on a tea table covered with a cloth, with a beautiful tea set to tie it all together! Shen Qinqiu decided he definitely had to visit this brothel again. 

Liu Qingge sat quietly for a few minutes before he curtly said, “Is something wrong with you?” 

Washing down the sweet wafer he’s been munching on with his drink, Shen Qingqiu blinked at his friend. “No? Why?” 

“You’re always drinking tea.” 

Shidi… was it a crime to like tea now? 

“You should have some of the desserts,” Shen Qingqiu said instead. “They’re quite good.” 

Shen Qingqiu would never figure out the leaps that Liu Qingge’s thought process made. “You’re different now,” the man across from him said. 

“Shidi… please be more specific.” 

Struggling, Liu Qingge added. “Before. You said these,” he gestured to the food, “were unnecessary.” He snorted. “Not that it ever helped with your cultivation.” 

Ahh, now he understood. The original goods must have deprived himself of anything that could set him back physically in order to further his cultivation.  Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help sympathising with the scum villain… why did he have to push himself so hard? And really, shidi, couldn’t you be a bit more considerate with your words? If the current Shen Qingqiu cared about his cultivation at all, that would truly have made him cough up a fountain of blood!

[Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! Keyphase triggered! Side quest has been unlocked~]

Side quest? What side quest? 

[Preparing scenario for first meeting…]  

Meeting with who!? The system didn't even say what the keyphrase was! 

[Generating body… generation at 1%... 2%... 3%...]

Body!?

[... 4%... 5%... 6%...]

But what- oh, forget it. When had he ever gotten a straight answer from his piece of shit system? 

[...] 

[50 P-boints taken from host to fund new body… 7%... 8%...] 

Motherfucker!? 

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure whether to curse out the system, or scold his shidi for his thoughtless words first, but before he could decide, something else stole his attention. 

Under the bottom rail of the room’s entrance, there was enough of a gap to show moving shadows pressed up against the door on the other side. 

“Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu warned. He mouthed his next words: Someone is laying in wait for us in the hallway.  

Liu Qingge's eyes hardened and he grabbed the hilt of his weapon. The room fell silent. Quiet as a mouse, Shen Qingqiu walked to the door. His hand rested on the handle gently, lest the slightest shaking alarm the intruders. Then he stepped to the side and swung the door wide open. 

He really wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t for his students to fall face first onto the ground. Three shouts of panicked ‘shizun!’ s assaulted him. 

Liu Qingge furrowed his brow. “Are those-” 

“Yes,” Shen Qingqiu answered with dread, “and no, I do not know what they’re doing here.” 

Luo Binghe had the decency to look ashamed at being caught eavesdropping on his shizun. Ming Fan and Ning Yingying didn’t even bother trying to pick themselves off the floor. Liu Mingyan elegantly stepped inside, avoided stepping on the trio, and bowed her head respectfully. "Shishu. Ge." 

"Mingyan? Why…" Liu Qingge's hand dropped from his sword. He seemed to be struggling to comprehend the sight, much like Shen Qingqiu himself. Finally, he decided on, "You're not a Qing Jing disciple." 

"That's what I said!" Ming Fan's head jumped up. With stars in his eyes, "Liu-shishu understands me!"

Kiss-ass! "Go join Bai Zhan then," Shen Qingqiu snapped. Ming Fan shrank back at the reprimand and shut up. 

While the Qing Jing disciples pulled themselves together, Binghe spoke first, head hung in shame. “Shizun, this one can explain…” 

To the surprise of everyone else in the room, he interrupted. “No need.” 

Shen Qingqiu could guess what happened easily. Binghe and Mingyan came to town for a date. Yingying, who was rightfully Binghe’s first love interest, became jealous that Binghe was courting someone else and followed. Then Ming Fan followed his shimei who he'd had a crush on for so many years, until they all ran into Shen Qingqiu together. Poor kids! Ning Yingying and Ming Fan must have cried so much at the thought of losing to another- their eyes were completely red!

He gave his fellow peak lord an apologetic glance, knowing he’d be upset with a boy courting his sister. Shen Qingqiu covered for Binghe easily. “This is a Qing Jing issue, so would shidi do his shixiong a favour and let it be?” 

Ah, Liu Qingge was so wonderful to have as a friend! Mr. Punches-for-Brains heard the words and simply shrugged, forgetting the matter so easily. 

The children were all clearly exhausted, and it was getting dark outside. Shen Qingqiu smiled and gave them all headpats. “Let’s return to the peak, hmm?” 

“I’m trying to see some peaks but shimei won’t let me,” Yingying whispered. 

Binghe, as always, was at his side immediately. “Shizun… isn’t angry?” 

“Oh, you’ll be punished,” Shen Qingqiu said as they all exited the building. He couldn’t let everyone on Qing Jing thing they were able to wander off at any time without his permission! But he wasn’t too angry. 

How could Shen Qingqiu ever hate these kinds of shenanigans? In a few years, Luo Binghe would be a cruel demon lord, Ming Fan would be dead like his shizun, and Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan would be neglected wives in a vast harem. Currently, Yingying and Ming Fan were pointing at the setting sun and exclaiming nonsense like they were seeing it for the first time. Watching the Cang Qiong disciples being so silly… he could hardly scold his students for sneaking off the peak and having fun when their futures were so bleak. 

Ahh, what was he saying! Their futures were great! Who wouldn’t want to be an OP emperor? And who wouldn’t want to be an OP emperor’s wife! As for Ming Fan… well, maybe his punishment would be gentler than the original’s…? 

But still… the fact that Binghe had come to a brothel for his date… 

Quietly muttering to himself, Shen Qingqiu said, “So young, and two girls already aren’t enough for him, huh…” 

It took some convincing, but Binghe left Shen Qingqiu’s side just long enough to walk with his fellow disciples up ahead. The Liu siblings were a bit farther behind, catching up on… whatever it was the Lius talked about. Splitting off into groups like this definitely made it easier to navigate to the other side of the market- seven people side by side would never be able to squeeze through. 

“Stop him!” 

A young boy ran through the crowd, pushing anyone in his way to escape the men chasing after him. Shen Qingqiu sighed. What a great end to the day: stopping a thief. 

Grabbing the boy’s collar, and it was surprisingly easy to lift him off the ground. He struggled in his hold, trying helplessly to break free. “Bastard, let me go!” 

Yeah, that’ll make him take your side, kid! Insulting him will definitely want to make him let you go! 

The men chasing after the thief stopped in front of Shen Qingqiu, panting heavily but attempting to stand straight nonetheless. They didn’t look like merchants like he expected… instead they were dressed like…

“Thanking immortal master for his help,” the first to regain his breath said. He then glared at the boy in Shen Qingqiu’s hand with venom. Chill dude , Shen Qingqiu wanted to say, are you beefing with a child?  

“We will compensate you for your aid of course,” the other said with glee. He pulled out a… whip!? “Right after we discipline this runaway!” 

Ah, fuck. Shen Qingqiu just helped slavers, didn’t he. 

He knew slavery was normal in this time period. He knew he couldn’t do anything about that, or about creepy old men who married fourteen year old girls, or about the fact that any child could walk into a bar or brothel. But he was hardly going to hand over a slave to be beaten of his own will! 

Shen Qingqiu dropped the boy, stepping in front of him. The peak lord's extravagant flowing robes were no doubt hiding the small child behind him easily. “And where did you gentlemen find him?” 

"Just a street rat, nothing for an honourable cultivator to worry about." The taller one quirked his brow. "Unless you're interested?" 

Shen Qingqiu was speechless. Cultivators represented purity and righteousness. Asking an immortal to hand over a homeless child so he could be sold? And then trying to sell to him!? Were these men stupid!?

“Shen Qingqiu.” Liu Qingge caught up to him, a hand on his sword. “They’re bothering you?” 

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth opened instinctively to say, ' no shidi, no one is bothering me, please don't start a fight and ruin the sects reputation by beating up non-cultivators.'  

But honestly! Liu Qingge would do that anyway! If he was going to be beating up civilians every other day regardless, why couldn't Shen Qingqiu use that to his advantage for once? 

"Yes," he answered, and quickly hid his glee behind a fan when his shidi lunged forward to give them a beat-down. The others milling around the market pretended not to see, returning to their bartering as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Ahh, abusing his authority as a peak lord was a bit rewarding! 

Shen Qingqiu turned back to the boy, offering a hand to help the child up. "It's alright. You're safe."

Looking back at him- with eyes wide in awe and hope- was an exact copy of his own face. 

[Side quest completed: Rescue the scum villain! +100 B-points.]

[Side quest unlocked: Prevent the scum villain’s blackening!]  

Chapter Text

One of the few great things about PIDW's half-assed xianxia setting: the complete lack of social security. Shen Qingqiu could show up anywhere with a child, say ‘this is my cousin Han Jiu’, and no one would bat an eye! There weren’t any social insurance numbers in this world, or credit scores to speak for your character- just say a name and if it doesn’t fit, no one will get in trouble for it! All hail identity fraud! 

The second Shen Jiu stepped into the bamboo house, he assessed the structure like he was preparing to flee, or use his surroundings to fight. The second food was placed in front of him, the grimy boy swiftly stuffed it all down his throat like it would be taken away any moment. 

Usually, Luo Binghe would glare at any intruder to their home, whether it was another peak lord or even Qing Jing's own head disciple! But instead of his usual guard dog attitude, even Binghe seemed a bit lost watching this young boy eat like a starving animal.

Shen Jiu ate and ate, until there wasn't a crumb left on the plates spread out in front of him. After a half hour of silent eating, he finally said, "What do you want from me!?" 

Asking that after having all their food… Shen Qingqiu had already hidden his face behind a fan, but it was incredibly funny watching Binghe's jaw drop. “Binghe, give us the room.” 

Luo Binghe and Shen Jiu both shifted nervously at his words. His student only hesitated for a moment before nodding and closing the door behind him on the way out. If Shen Jiu looked scared before, he was downright terrified now, though he did try to put on a brave face. “What are you going to do to me…?” 

Shen Qingqiu coughed politely and pointed at his own chin. “You have some rice here.” 

He wasn’t sure if the boy’s face flushed red with anger or embarrassment, but Shen Jiu hastily wiped at his face with his sleeve, completely missing the food still there. “Don’t try to confuse me! Answer my question!” 

He sighed and fluttered his fan. At this age, the scum villain was crafty, but still pretty straightforward. Shen Qingqiu decided to keep things simple. “I want you to become my student here at Qing Jing.” 

He’d thought the matter over quite a bit on the way back to the peak. Taking the original goods and giving him the chance to cultivate into an even stronger villain was a recipe for disaster. That being said, a traditional cultivation setting like Qing Jing aspired towards refining oneself into a pure and upright cultivator. Shen Jiu had always wanted to be a cultivator, and due to his circumstances, he simply had no choice but to learn from someone who didn’t care for those values- Shen Qingqiu could change that, if he was meant to prevent his blackening.

Despite the clear excitement and hope on the child’s face, there was also doubt. “And what would you get out of it?” 

Shen Qingqiu smiled. “I would get a talented and precious student.” 

Shen Jiu went red again. 

Shen Qingqiu fluttered his fan, unbothered and relaxed. "Binghe, if you're done eavesdropping…" 

There was a thud against the door, followed by a small "ow!" before the door opened. Binghe reentered and shamefully stared at the floor. "Shizun…!" 

The boy had also listened in on him and Liu Qingge earlier! "I hope Binghe won't be making this a habit…" Shen Qingqiu crossed his arms lazily with a frown. "Your new shidi will stay here until An Ding can renovate the dorms for his room. Go fetch toiletries, a mat, and robes, then run five laps around the peak." 

“I didn’t say I’d join,” he said weakly, but Shen Jiu watched Binghe's quiet but diligent obedience with wide, yearning eyes. For a boy who had nothing, seeing someone with his face casually ordering people around in a safe home full of delicious food was a dream come true. 

With them truly alone, Shen Qingqiu finally said what he should have said much earlier. "What is your name?"

"Shen Jiu," the boy across the table answered. 

"From now on your name will be Han Jiu." He stood up onto his feet, perusing through his shelf for a spare cultivation manual. "With our similar appearances, the same surname would attract attention for obvious reasons." 

"Is that why I'm here?" Shen Jiu sneered. 

"'Is that why shizun invited this disciple,'" Shen Qingqiu corrected as he pulled out a book. Shen Jiu would have to learn the stupid informal, flowery speech from scratch just like he had after his transmigration. He smiled at the thought as he handed the manual to his new student. "You'll need to get used to speaking in such an unnecessarily obnoxious way." 

He never would have thought he would be making the scum villain giggle with his little quips. 

Shen Jiu took to cultivation like a fish to water. His attitude… left a lot to be desired. 

Shen Qingqiu had to repeat ‘he’s young!’ and ‘acclimating to a new life is stressful, try to understand…’ to about a dozen of Shen Jiu’s victims over the course of a week. He really wished Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had never told him the scum villain’s backstory! It would have been so easy to punish him as any other disciple! Whenever the boy got caught stealing food from the kitchens, he could hardly say something like, ‘stop behaving like a traumatized and poor boy who has to worry about his next meal.’ Instead of reprimanding him, each offence would make Shen Qingqiu want to coddle the boy endlessly. 

With no prior education, Shen Jiu also had to learn how to read and write in the bamboo house after group classes were finished for the day. 

“You can write your own name!” Shen Qingiu said over their first private lesson. “Who taught you that?” 

Warily, the small boy answered, “I watched other people.” 

Shen Qingqiu patted his head. “That’s very impressive. Han Jiu is very observant and resourceful.” 

Little praise like this would result in the boy biting down a smile and working twice as hard, monopolizing his shizun’s time to demand even more lessons to help him catch up to the others. 

Shen Qingqiu’s very obvious favouritism did not go unnoticed. 

(“Do you think it’s true?” Ming Fan whispered. “That Han Jiu is shizun’s son?” 

Shen Qingqiu paused, hiding out of sight and listening to his students talk amongst themselves.

“Don’t be ridiculous, how could he be shizun’s child!?” Ning Yingying scolded. 

Thank you, Yingying! 

She continued, “Shizun obviously doesn’t like women, and two men can’t have a baby.”

…Yingying. 

“Don’t say that!” Binghe said in a panic. “Shizun’s cousin Han Yuan told me it’s not impossible for a man to give birth if he finds an herb-”

Shen Qingqiu walked away and decided he never wanted to listen in on his disciples again.)

As absurd as the thought was, it was easy for Shen Jiu and Shen Qingqiu to get along. The boy would sleep on his mat in Shen Qingqiu’s room, have his meals with him and Binghe, was always eager to learn and even more eager to prove himself. What was difficult about having the scum villain on his peak was how he interacted with others . 

"He said he wanted to fight," Shen Jiu haughtily replied. "So we fought. Don't blame me for something he started, this was self defence." 

Shen Qingqiu was speechless as he looked at the disciple miserably rinsing dirt out of his infected eyes. "You said you wanted to be a cultivator," Shen Qingqiu started slowly. "Cultivators fight honourably."

"Honour?" Shen Jiu sneered. "What's honourable is winning." 

"Winning against evil is honourable." Shen Qingqiu shook his head. "That's your shixiong- he's your ally, not your enemy." 

"If someone attacks me, of course they're my enemy!" Shen Jiu stomped his foot, and his tiny little body throwing a fit would have been adorable if there wasn't such raw hatred in his voice. "Why should I have to say sorry for not allowing him to beat me, or for being smarter than him?" He threw his arm out and gestured to the cowering boy. "Instead of wasting your time on untalented idiots like him, shizun should be teaching me. Everyone else on this peak should just go die!" 

At times like this, Shen Qingqiu truly did wish Mu-shidi hadn't shut down the idea of introducing therapy to Cang Qiong… 

“Shidi?” a voice called, and Shen Qingqiu’s soul nearly fled his body.

Shen Jiu’s yelling had drawn the attention of the sect leader himself…! The man paled when his eyes found Shen Jiu’s.

"Xiao-Jiu," Yue Qingyuan breathed out. 

The poor guy looked like he’d seen a ghost- wait, was Shen Jiu technically a ghost? 

Yue Qingyuan’s face was crumpled in a mixture of emotions, like he was going to collapse from the mental distress. How could he not, when faced with the child he'd failed? 

"Who's your Xiao-Jiu!?" Shen Jiu spat out. Yue Qingyuan took a step back like he'd been physically hit. "Don't act familiar with me. You'll call me Han Jiu. Don't you dare forget it!" 

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself. He… he really should have given Shen Jiu a new given name. Shen Jiu had done as directed and happily introduced himself to everyone as a Han, but somehow it had slipped Shen Qingqiu’s mind that he would inevitably run into the sect leader. 

“Han Jiu,” Shen Qingqiu scolded gently. “This is the sect leader. You must show him the utmost respect.” 

As if he’d just noticed Shen Qingqiu was also there, Yue Qingyuan turned his watery eyes to him. “Xiao-Jiu, what is this?” 

Now it was his turn to have a snivelling sect leader calling him Xiao-Jiu! 

That bastard Shang Qinghua was still hiding in the demon realm after the stunt he pulled with the mushroom body he’d called ‘Han Yuan’. Shen Qingqiu would have liked to run his made up story by Airplane, but he had to make up an explanation quickly and hope it fit. “This would be my newest disciple. I wrote to you about him, yes?" 

"He looks exactly like you," Yue Qingyuan stated. 

"Coincidence," Shen Jiu replied. 

"He's my first cousin," Shen Qingqiu answered at the same time. 

The two Shens shot each other a glance. 

"Our mothers were twins," Shen Qingqiu bullshitted. Saying they were cousins was bad enough- the sect leader knew better than anyone that Shen Qingqiu had no family. He could practically see the cogs turning in Yue Qingyuans brain, trying to figure out if twins could have cousins with such a large age gap. 

The poor man looked like he'd aged five years with this one conversation. "You're cousins. With different surnames and the same given name." 

…

The three of them just stared at each other in silence for a moment.

God bless Shen Jiu's thick face! The boy shamelessly said, "You're the sect leader, but don't know the Qing Jing peak lord? His name is Shen Qingqiu . Completely different from Han Jiu!" 

Yue Qingyuan finally couldn't take it anymore. "Shidi, if this is your child, you don't need to hide- uh!?"

Shen Qingqiu could have cried when Shen Jiu kicked Yue Qingyuan in the shins. “Sh- Han Jiu!” 

“It’s alright!” Yue Qingyuan placated him quickly. Why did he look so happy!? Seeing Shen Qingqiu’s incredulous expression, his smile turned sheepish. “No need to punish him…” he said softly. “I missed this kind of attitude.” 

…aww. 

That was cute, but he had to stay in character! “This one will decide whether his students need to be punished or not,” Shen Qingqiu stated harshly. “Han Jiu! Ten laps around Qing Jing!” 

Shen Jiu looked up at him with betrayed eyes. “But shizun-!” 

“Now!” Shen Qingqiu barked. When the boy slunk off dejectedly, he turned to Yue Qingqyuan. “Shixiong, if you could take disciple Feng to Qian Cao, that would be greatly appreciated.” 

The boy still rubbing at his red eyes perked up at the mention of his name. Yue Qingyuan stepped forward. “Shidi-” 

“Thank you for the help, shixiong!” Shen Qingqiu called out as he made his escape. 

Arriving back at the bamboo house, he was utterly exhausted. It was a relief to come home and see Luo Binghe studying diligently in the main area. “Shizun!” Binghe chirped happily. “Where is your cousin?” 

Shen Qingqiu took a seat next to him and sighed. “He’ll be running laps for some time.” At Binghe’s overjoyed grin, he smacked the boy’s head with his fan. “Why is Binghe so happy to hear about his fellow disciple’s wrongdoing, hm?” 

“Apologies, shizun!” Binghe said, not sounding apologetic at all. He looked up through his lashes in such a demure way that Shen Qingqiu wanted to blush at the sight. “It’s just nice to get some time alone at home with shizun again…” 

Shen Jiu had only been staying with them for a week, but Shen Qingqiu shared the sentiment. He’d assumed Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe would get along- with their shared experience as poor orphans, their drive to improve, their stickiness… Instead, they clashed endlessly. 

“What does Binghe think of Han Jiu?” 

Luo Binghe pursed his lips. “I would never dare badmouth shizun’s cousin.” 

Shen Qingqiu smirked playfully. “So Luo Binghe doesn’t believe he’s secretly my son?” He nearly laughed when the boy flushed red. 

“To be perfectly honest, this one has been under some stress lately…” Luo Binghe admitted. “Unless shizun says Han Jiu is his son, of course this disciple would never think such a thing.” Binghe laughed, low and tired, exhaustion seeping into his voice. “And even if shizun does say Han Jiu is his son… I’ll still refuse to accept it. I really couldn’t handle it… haha… hahaha… ha…” 

Well, that was incredibly fucking worrying! Shen Qingqiu could admit his attention had been a bit divided these days, but just what was Binghe going through if even the constantly flawless protagonist could look so desolate?

“Didn’t this master say Binghe should come to him with his troubles?” Shen Qingqiu sighed and shifted his body, pulling his legs out from underneath the table. He patted his thigh. “Come on.” 

Luo Binghe eagerly crawled towards him, resting his head on Shen Qingqiu’s lap. All the tension escaped the boy’s body in an instant, and he nuzzled his face into his teacher’s stomach. “Shizun…” 

“So sticky,” Shen Qingqiu teased. He pinched at Binghe’s cheek, and instead of complaining, Binghe leaned into his hand. With Binghe compliant and relaxed, he started to pat his disciple’s head. 

“Dhamk you, zhizun,” Binghe’s muffled voice said into Shen Qingqiu’s robes. “I lomb you…” 

“What are you trying to say?” Shen Qingqiu scratched at Binghe’s scalp before he resumed his gentle strokes. “Get some rest. Shizun is here.”

"Zhijun…" Binghe breathed out one last time, and then he was smiling peacefully in his sleep. 

It was about an hour later that Shen Jiu returned, sweaty and hunched over from the exercise. When he saw Luo Binghe napping on his shizun’s lap, he ‘accidentally’ woke Binghe up by throwing water on him. 

“Be nice to the others today, alright?” Shen Qingqiu reminded him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Shen Jiu mumbled back. 

The children talking amongst themselves all settled down in front of their guqins when their shizun arrived, making room for Shen Jiu to enter the group. 

“Good morning, everyone.” 

“Good morning, shizun,” the students replied in unison. Shen Qingqiu internally shed a tear. So cute! 

Immediately ignoring Shen Qingqiu’s prior instructions, Shen Jiu pointed at the boy on his left. “Take off your bracelet.” 

Silence descended on the class. The other boy, He Xue, protectively held his wrist to his chest, a bracelet shining brightly against his robes. “What!? My mother just sent me this today!” 

Shen Jiu insisted, "Hand that over right now if you know what's good for you!" 

…

Why did he even try? 

“Everyone, individual practice,” Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Han Jiu, come with me.” 

There were mixed expressions of relief and despair at seeing Shen Jiu leave with Shen Qingqiu. 

Walking down the dirt path in the early morning, Shen Qingqiu waited for the crisp air to cool the boy off. When they reached a quiet clearing, he sat atop one of the slightly damp benches. “Would Han Jiu like to explain himself?” 

Shen Jiu stayed silent. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed and changed the topic. “The sect leader has been asking about you nonstop.” 

“Fuck the sect leader.”

“Han Jiu!” Shen Qingqiu wailed. “Why do you dislike him so much?”

"Why would I dislike him?" Shen Jiu sneered sarcastically. "He made such a good first impression calling me your bastard son." 

…okay, fair. “Then as punishment for today’s behaviour, you’re to spend all of tomorrow with him.” 

“Shizun!” Shen Jiu cried out, but Shen Qingqiu would not budge on the matter.

He was really getting tired of the sect leader visiting Qing Jing everyday to ask after his son, okay?

Shen Qingqiu woke up to the sound of the bamboo house’s door creaking closed, and found Shen Jiu’s mat empty next to his bed. It was the middle of the fucking night and he had to get out of his warm and cozy bed to drag his student back…!

Sluggishly throwing on an outer layer, he made his way over to the dormitories just in time to see Shen Jiu sneaking out with a shiny bracelet in his hands. Shen Qingqiu groaned, but by the time he’d blinked, Shen Jiu had already run off ahead. He finally caught up to him in the middle of the forest, hitting the bracelet with a rock. 

“Han Jiu-”

“AHH!” 

Shen Qingqiu groaned again. “Quiet down, my head hurts. What are you doing.” 

“Nothing,” Shen Jiu insisted. 

“You snuck out at night, stole a disciple’s possession out of the dorms, and brought it to the bamboo forest to hit it with rocks… for nothing?” 

“I’m helping him!” Shen Jiu held the bracelet up. “It’s cursed!”

“Cursed,” Shen Qingqiu repeated. 

Shen Jiu hissed in frustration. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me-” 

“I believe you,” he interrupted. “Why wouldn’t I believe you?” 

As soon as he said the words, they seemed monumentally stupid, even to himself. Who would believe a mother gave her own child cursed jewellery because the new troublemaker on the peak said so? 

Ah, it was easy to guess what happened. He Xue's mother must have been given the bracelet by some two faced 'friend'- unimpressed, she'd regifted it to her son under the guise of spoiling him. 

After the fuss he’d made in front of everyone, if Shen Jiu didn't do anything and the curse struck later, he'd naturally be the prime suspect… 

Shen Qingqiu sighed again. “Just tell me next time instead of going through all this trouble.” 

"Don't worry, I'll never do anything like this again!" Shen Jiu seethed. He turned his back to Shen Qingqiu, and the peak lord was hit with a blow of nostalgia. His little sister in his old life always did the same thing at this age, right before throwing a tantrum. "This is the last time I'll ever help anyone! Truly, you get nothing in return but strife and-" 

"You did well." 

Shen Jiu jolted at the praise, completely shocked. 

Shang Qinghua had said Yue Qingyuan spent years apologizing for the original good’s capture. But had he ever praised Shen Jiu at all? Had he ever said, 'it was brave of you to try to save our friend, I'm proud of you' to him for all the abuse he'd suffered for it? 

Had anyone ever encouraged Shen Jiu’s selfless behaviour? 

“Han Jiu is such a good disciple, looking out for his shixiong like this,” Shen Qingqiu continued. "Good boy."

Shen Jiu's face pinkened before he crossed his arms, the corner of his lip twitching up. "That's right. I just saved one of your students! You really owe me, do you realize that?" 

'Saved' was an overstatement… if it was the kind of cursed jewellery canon fodder gave to other canon fodder, He Xue would have to deal with a troublesome prank, like a few weeks of green skin, at most. But Shen Qingqiu let the boy have this moment. “Han Jiu was very heroic, protecting us like this!” 

"Exactly, you'd be lost without me!" Shen Jiu's demeanour turned a bit shy, the boy kicking at the ground with his head hung low as he grumbled, "So don't you dare think about sending me back…" 

Shen Qingqiu could cry. How could the scum villain have been such a cute child!? 

"Never," he promised. "You're staying right here." He pulled Shen Jiu into a hug. "Qing Jing is now your home.” 

"Home…" Shen Jiu whispered. He hesitantly returned Shen Qingqiu's embrace. "You better not be lying to me… or I'll seriously make you regret it…" 

Shen Qingqiu smiled as the system chimed in. 

[Side quest completed: Prevent the scum villain’s blackening! +100 B-points.]

The tender moment was ruined by a yawn. Shen Qingqiu chuckled and sleepily stretched his arms. “We can take care of this matter in the morning. Come, let’s get some rest.” 

The trek back was quiet, with the exception of crickets and flowing water. Shen Qingqiu all but collapsed onto the bed. He watched Shen Jiu remove his outer robe as well, and frowned at the mat on the floor. 

"Come here," Shen Qingqiu sighed. Perhaps he was too tired to even save face, because Shen Jiu didn't argue, just slipped into the peak lord’s covers and clung to him like a baby. "Don't worry, Han Jiu will get his own bed as soon as renovations are done." 

Shen Jiu’s hands tightened their grip on Shen Qingqiu’s robes. “I don’t mind if… I mean… I can…” 

Shen Qingqiu nuzzled into the small boy’s hair. Listen, it was nice to have someone to cuddle, alright? They didn’t have weighted blankets in xianxia China. “G’night,” he slurred before he fell asleep. 

The sound of Binghe announcing breakfast was a familiar staple in his life as peak lord, but tired as he was from last night, all he could do was groan nonsense when Binghe entered with a tray of food. 

“Shizun?” Binghe called. “Are you alright?” 

“Mhm,” he grumbled. He opened his eyes and lazily threw off the blanket, wondering why his body was so heavy. Then he looked down and remembered Shen Jiu was still in his arms. 

Binghe’s mouth fell open. His expression turned into something like cold fury. “Shizun, don’t be alarmed, a pest has gotten inside your bed.” Binghe’s hand fell onto the hilt of his sword, all the while he resolutely stared at Shen Jiu. “This disciple will have it removed.” 

Shen Jiu blinked tiredly before his lips stretched into a grin. Before Shen Qingqiu could say a word, Shen Jiu was throwing his arms around him, meeting Binghe's glare with his own. "Oh, I see the pest. It seems to have come into into shizun’s bedroom uninvited." 

Half asleep, Shen Qingqiu only said, “Uhhhh…?” 

Shen Jiu cuddled into his left. “Shizun, can’t we stay in bed for a few more minutes?” 

Binghe marched over and grabbed onto Shen Qingqiu’s other side. “Shizun, you have to get up now, or breakfast will get cold!” 

… hey, what was with this OOC? Since when did Shen Jiu cutely beg someone for cuddles? And Luo Binghe, who pampered his shizun endlessly, was suddenly insisting he stop lazing around?

Shen Qingqiu compromised with both their requests- he got out of bed, then went back to sleep at the dining table while Luo Binghe and Shen Jiu yelled at each other. 

After explaining the matter to He Xue, Shen Qingqiu made his way over to Qiong Ding to check on the Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu. 

Yes, Shen Jiu still had to spend the day with the sect leader! If this child just practised his cultivation instead of learning how to communicate respectfully, he'd end up an incomprehensible, grunting man like Liu Qingge. And wouldn't that be a hilarious thought- Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge would rather die a thousand times than be considered alike. 

It was hardly a punishment. Shen Jiu seemed to have realized early on that Yue Qingyuan was hell-bent on spoiling him. Shen Qingqiu found them in a lovely little garden, speaking conversationally. 

"You can, um," Yue Qingyuan swallowed nervously. "You can call me Qi-ge. If you'd like." 

Shen Jiu pondered on this. "Do you really want me to?"

"Yes," the sect leader said desperately. "I do."

In typical Shen Jiu fashion, the boy didn't give in so easily. "It'll cost you. You're a sect leader, so don't expect it to be cheap!" Seeing how easily Yue Qingyuan nodded his head, Shen Jiu barreled forward with all his desires. "I want clothes! An entire closet full of clothes, all made from cotton and silk! And a whole shelf of books!" 

Shen Jiu stood his place, warily eyeing the man as if he expected to be hit. His requests were really too modest- those were things any child should have, and Yue Qingyuan agreed easily. "Of course." 

"And my own guqin and writing set," Shen Jiu demanded. "I don't want to share the peak's old things with the rest of these idiots. And I want one of those enchanted talismans that keep socks warm during the winter- no, I want a talisman for each sock so I don't even have to change them! And I want to try those fancy dessert places in town…" 

Give an inch, and Shen Jiu will really take a mile! 

Pushover that he was, the sect leader said, "Anything you want." He really did sound close to tears. "I couldn't do anything like that when we- when I was younger. But I can do it now. I can buy you lots of sweets, and lots of clothes, and keep you warm." He pulled Shen Jiu into his arms and sobbed quietly. "Anything you want. We can do that now…" 

Shen Qingqiu wasn't tearing up, okay? It must have been allergies or something…

[Achievement unlocked: Healing Qi-ge’s inner child!]  

The system really had no subtlety. What did it mean ‘inner’ child? That was a literal, physical, external child!!

"Crying on a little kid like this!" Shen Jiu scolded. "What kind of pathetic sect leader are you!?" 

"My disciple is right, shixiong," Shen Qingqiu interrupted as he made his way over. He squatted down and pulled out a handkerchief for Yue Qingyuan to wipe his face with. 

"Xiao-"

"Shen Qingqiu," he cut in.  

"Qingqiu-shidi." Yue Qingyuan gave him that helpless smile. "Your disciple and I are planning a visit to the bakery down the mountain. Would you join us?" 

"Now?" Shen Jiu asked excitedly. 

"No time like the present," Shen Qingqiu agreed. 

“Alright!” Shen Jiu jumped to his feet. “Let’s go, shizun!” He paused before continuing, “Let’s go, Qi-ge.” 

Yue Qingyuan looked like he could ascend at that very moment. Shen Qingqiu snorted. “We are bringing your friends as well.” 

Shen Jiu’s face soured at the same time the sect leader said, “Great idea, shidi!” 

When the doors to the bakery opened, Luo Binghe, Ning Yingying, and Ming Fan walked in as expected. They did not expect to see Mu Qingfang, Qi Qingqi, and Liu Qingge joining them. Even that asshole Shang Qinghua stumbled in after a moment! It seemed all of Cang Qiong was going to invite itself!

“Are we interrupting your date?” Qi Qingqi teased, while Mu Qingfang informed the hostess that their party would now have more people. Liu Qingge wordlessly pushed the tables in the restaurant together to hold everyone present. 

Shen Qingqiu shot a glare at the An Ding peak lord. “Shang-shidi,” he spit out. “You’ve been gone so long, you haven’t met my newest disciple. Say hello to Han Jiu .” 

Shang Qinghua’s mouth dropped open, and Shen Qingqiu just barely managed to muffle his snickering.

Trays and trays of cakes and pastries filled the table as the peak lords and disciples conversed. Shen Qingqiu nudged the boy sitting between him and Yue Qingyuan and said quietly, “Does Han Jiu remember who everyone is?” 

“Of course, this disciple has been at Cang Qiong long enough.” Shen Jiu pointed at Binghe. “Beast.” Then Liu Qingge. “Brute.” Ming Fan, “Spineless.” Shang Qinghua, “Just met him and I already know he’s an Idiot.” Ning Yingying and Qi Qingqi were let off easy: “Ning-shijie, Qi-shishu.” And finally, Yue Qingyuan. “Gravel smoothie.” 

Did he hear that right? “Gravel smoothie?”

Shen Jiu nodded. “Peanut butter gravel smoothie.”

…huh. Why did the description fit? 

“You forgot someone.” Shen Qingqiu pointed at himself. “What about this one?” 

Shen Jiu blushed lightly, staring at the snacks as he mumbled, “Shizun is shizun.” 

Shang Qinghua made his way over to the seat next to his and whispered, “Bro, what did you do ? Binghe wasn’t enough for you to fuck up my plot?” 

“I could take a shit on your plot and it would be an improvement,” Shen Qingqiu hissed back. “We’ll talk more later, but it’s good you’re finally back.” Shen Qingqiu leaned back in his chair, shooting a wink at Shen Jiu. “My disciple has been waiting for you to expand the dorms so he can finally get his room.” 

“...yeah,” Shen Jiu answered indifferently. He watched his Luo-shixiong carry over a tray of teacups for the table. 

The original scum villain was someone who always wanted to be seen as the best, and would aggressively chase after that goal. This new version of Shen Jiu was still incredibly competitive and greedy when it came to cultivation, status, and material possessions. But now he had an elegant peak lord he saw as his saviour and role model, and therefore naturally also needed to be number one in Shen Qingqiu’s heart. 

Shen Qingqiu watched in exasperation as the boy stuck his foot out in front of Luo Binghe, tripping the protagonist and sending him and the drinks tumbling onto the floor. "You're such a stupid little beast. Look at the mess you've made!" Shen Jiu turned to Shen Qingqiu with innocent and angelic eyes, no doubt a trick he'd picked up during his begging days. "Shizun, he's not fit to serve you! You should kick him out of the bamboo house and give his room to me!" 

"You-!" Binghe jumped to his feet and also gave Shen Qingqiu a pair of weepy puppy eyes. "Shizun, don't listen to him! He tripped me, otherwise, I swear I-" 

"Who tripped you!?" Shen Jiu demanded. "Don't shift your blame onto me!" 

"Han Jiu!" Shen Qingqiu interrupted. "Apologize to your shixiong!" 

Shen Jiu put on an even more pitiful act. "But Shizun-!"

"Even if you didn't trip him, you still can't speak to your shixiong so disrespectfully." When Shen Jiu's mouth stayed shut, Shen Qingqiu gave in and patted his head. "Won't Han Jiu be a good boy and say sorry?" 

"Shizun!" Binghe whined. 

"...sorry." Shen Jiu grit out. It was the most aggressive and insincere 'apology' he'd ever seen, but he knew asking for more would be pushing his luck. He smiled down at the boy, gave him another head pat, and wordlessly returned to Shang Qinghua.

The two of them settled down. Shen Qingqiu had only turned his attention away for a few moments to speak to Airplane, and his students were at each other’s throats once again. Shen Qingqiu flushed in embarrassment when the other peak lords politely pretended not to see how bad he was at managing his students… ah, he felt like a single mother at a grocery store trying to stop her crying children!

"...filthy little…" 

"...disrespectful!" 

"I'll show… disrespectful…" 

Ming Fan was elated by the spectacle and jumped instantly to take Shen Jiu's side. "Xiao-shidi is right, Luo Binghe! No one says anything because shizun dotes on you, but-"

"Shut up!" Shen Jiu snapped at a stunned Ming Fan. "Don't you think you're fit to be head disciple either!" 

Ming Fan, who never would have expected that his support for Shen Jiu would end in the younger boy yelling at him, quickly retreated and hid behind Ning Yingying. Faced with matching expressions of disappointment from both his shimei and his shizun, Ming Fan dejectedly hung his head. 

Shen Qingqiu had never seen Binghe so aggravated. "You might look like shizun, but you really have none of his grace!" 

"Grace!?" Shen Jiu hissed back, "Luo Binghe, you want to talk about grace? Don't think no one knows what you want to do with shizun! You're no better than a wild animal!" 

Shen Qingqiu swallowed nervously. Haha, Binghe, your shizun hadn’t even pushed you into the abyss yet, so why were people already considering him your prey? 

Binghe flushed red, panicked eyes seeking out Shen Qingqiu’s. "Shizun, I-I…! Don't listen to him, that's not- he doesn't know what he's talking about…!" 

Shen Jiu yanked Shen Qingqiu’s arm towards himself. "Shizun, get away from that beast, he's dangerous!"

Luo Binghe tugged at Shen Qingqiu's other arm. "Shizun, get away from that manipulative little liar!" 

"Shizun, he just wants to take advantage of you!" 

"Shizun, he's trying to trick you!" 

"Shizun!" 

"Shizun!" 

Pulled this way and that, Shen Qingqiu could only sigh as he resigned himself to such bickering for the next several months. Of course the protagonist and the scum villain would never get along- and now he'd gotten himself stuck right in the middle of their quarrels.

Chapter Text

The protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way, Luo Binghe, was not a good person. 

It went without saying, obviously. Stealing women from their husbands, torturing anyone he disagreed with, controlling people for his own amusement. While the story may have begun with a sweet little boy, the protagonist quickly had any kindness beaten out of him. 

And that’s what he’d loved so much about Binghe! He was complex! A little fucked up! Bingge would spark debate after debate about whether his actions were justifiable. When he killed the scum villain, did he rid the world of an evil? Or was the torture a warning that he had fallen into that cycle of abuse? 

Luo Binghe was selfish, cruel, determined, powerful, and uh, pretty horny. He rose up from nothing until the world was at his feet. He’d taken his revenge, become emperor, amassed a harem, and conquered his foes. The perfect male fantasy. 

After that, there was nothing left to do. He sat on his throne, completely unopposed. Luo Binghe’s story had come to an end. 

Great Master Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky did not conclude his web novel with grace. He continued, creating half-assed quests full of plot holes for Binghe to go on, no-personality wives for him to wed, and low IQ enemies for him to kill easily. 

Luo Binghe’s sophisticated actions no longer pulled on the reader’s heartstrings. Why did he merge the realms? No, not for some commentary about uniting the two races. Not because the emperor was a mix of human and demon, and he wanted his land to reflect that. Because it was more convenient to manage. Because he could .  

“Shen Qingqiu!” Qi Qingqiu snapped her fingers at him. Pulled out of his thoughts, he found the peak lord standing outside the carriage, the door open for him. “Are you planning on joining us?” 

Luckily, he hadn’t been lost in thought for too long. His little bun raced into his view, running over so fast he nearly fell over stopping his momentum. In front of the carriage door, Luo Binghe held out his hands. “Shizun! Let this disciple help you down-” 

His words were cut off by a smaller boy crashing into him. Binghe went tumbling to the ground, and Shen Jiu took his place reaching towards Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun, let me help you down! I was here first!”

“No you weren’t!” Binghe cried out. He rushed to his feet. “Shizun saw it, I was here before you!” 

“Nuh uh.”

“What do you mean, ‘nuh uh’!?”

There was something seriously wrong with these two lately. They’d been falling all over themselves to do every little thing for Shen Qingqiu. Even Ming Fan wasn’t this much of a kiss up! 

…wait, where was Ming Fan? Shen Qingqiu peaked out the carriage to see his oldest student trailing after Liu Qingge. He seemed to be having some one-sided conversation with the Bai Zhan War God, while the older man quickly stomped around towards them, trying to shake off his fanboy. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t decide whether he felt betrayed to see his head disciple chasing after another peak lord, relieved at not having to deal with him, or pained at having to deal with Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe instead. 

Qi Qingqi stood by the scene with her arms crossed. Shen Qingqiu blushed in embarrassment at his unruly students and held his hand out to her. “Shimei, if you would?” 

“Of course, shixiong ,” she replied mockingly, and took his hand. The two boys let out matching noises of discontent as he stepped down and exited the carriage. 

While the two boys whined, Ning Yingying watched with shining eyes. Despite being from separate peaks, as the only female disciples on the trip, she’d ridden with Liu Mingyan. She turned to the Xuan Su head disciple and begged, "shimei, can you go back in the carriage so I can give you a hand down!?" 

Liu Minyan barely looked up from her book as she walked past her. "No."

Yingying sighed. “I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you walk away…”

…yeah, Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what the fuck was going on with them, either. 

“Shizun, I’ll definitely unpack the fastest!” Shen Jiu stated before rushing off to grab their bags. Binghe let out a cry of indignation before chasing after him. 

Qi Qingqi did not comment on how lawless his children were, which for her, was incredibly sweet. “What were you thinking about so intently in there anyway?”

“How much I hate Shang Qinghua,” Shen Qingqiu answered bluntly. 

His shimei gave him a look of understanding approval. “Seriously, you get it.” 

Right, as he was saying- while Shen Qingqiu liked Bingge on paper, as an actual person in the PIDW world, he was not particularly looking forward to a future where an unhinged man-baby would be emperor, changing the very realms according to his whims. 

One place that was destroyed during the merging of the realms was the Crystal Sands of Alluring Bounties. 

It was a beach. He wasn’t sure why Airplane couldn’t just call it a beach.  

When the realms merged, the water turned to lava, and the sand became too hot for anyone (except the protagonist!) to withstand. The once scenic location ending up becoming a deathtrap Binghe had to enter in order to save his kidnapped wife of the week. 

Shen Qingqiu had two major goals in his current life:

1. See as many limited-edition fauna and animals as he could before the protagonist blackened and ended them.
2. Give teenage Binghe some fun childhood memories that might make him spare his shiuzn. 

The perfect way to hit two birds with one stone? Beach episode.  

His towel hit the sand, rolling out under the sun quickly blocked out by Binghe hurrying over with an umbrella. Proud Immortal Demon Way was a porno before it was a cultivation novel, which left Shen Qingqiu constantly fumbling to understand societal norms. God forbid an irrelevant NPC show some shin!! But Sha Hualing could somehow be fully nude ten seconds into a battle, and no one would bat an eye! When Binghe lifted his shirt over his head and walked over in nothing but a pair of shorts, Shen Qingqiu mentally cheered. No five layers of robes on his vacation!! 

He'd just stripped to only his swimsuit when Binghe picked up his own outer layer, placing it over his teacher's shoulders. Binghe was flushed red, refusing to look at Shen Qingqiu as he tied the robe closed. "Shizun… is showing everyone too much. Take mine." 

… ouch. So he really was unimportant.

The sleeve of the robe only covered up to his elbow, and the back was barely long enough to reach his thigh. “My clothes are right here, Binghe, I'll put them back on-”

Binghe shook his head wildly, holding Shen Qingqiu’s hands in his shyly. “Shizun, please… I insist.” 

Shen Qingqiu didn't mind but… wasn't using his own robe to cover someone a tactic Binghe only used on his wives?

In their view, Yingying was working on an intricate sand castle. Shen Qingqiu called out to her, "Ning Yingying, did you put on sunscreen?" 

“Shizun!” Yingying pouted, “does it really matter! It’s only one day!” 

Only one day was how long it took to get sunburnt! If Binghe should be covering up anyone, it should be a pretty sister's skin against UV rays! “Your shijie thinks applying her lotion is too difficult.” Shen Qingqiu nudged at his student. "Maybe Binghe should offer to help?" 

Still an innocent lamb, Luo Binghe flushed red at his advice. "Shizun, I… of course!" 

He sighed as Binghe ran off towards their bags, practically shaking with excitement. There was something very cute about a cliche like this, a boy at the beach so excited to spread sunblock on his crush. Shen Qingqiu smiled and closed his eyes, leaning back onto his mat. He jerked in surprise a few moments later when he felt something wet on his legs. 

Binghe was flustered beyond belief as he kneeled by Shen Qingqiu’s side, his hands full of lotion while he caressed his teacher’s calf reverently. He seemed transfixed by the white fluid being rubbed into his teacher's skin. 

"Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu screeched. "What are you doing! I meant help your shijie!"

Honestly, how could Binghe be so oblivious to someone pining after him so clearly!? 

“Oh.” Binghe's excitement died away instantly. He picked up the lotion and yelled, "shijie, catch!" 

“What-?” The girl turned, and the bottle immediately smacked her in the face. Enraged, she shrieked, “ A-Luo !!” 

His two students were quickly rolling around in a fight over the transgression. Shen Qingqiu's dreams of a youthful beach episode were seriously going down the drain. Binghe, you and your shijie were supposed to merrily run after each other by the shore… you were supposed to laugh and splash a little water in her face… instead of romantic play-fighting, why were you two wrestling with all your strength!?

Shen Qingqiu stared at the calm blue ocean, at the bright sunny skies, at the warm sand surrounding him. It had been so long since he’d gotten a chance to really relax . Was it really okay for him to go on this little vacation?

(Back at Qing Jing, important discussions were taking place.

"How come whenever shizun goes somewhere, he always takes those four?"

"Are you an idiot? Ming Fan is head disciple, and Ning-shimei gets doted on as the only girl. Shizun and Han Jiu both deny it but everyone knows Han Jiu is his long-lost son or something." 

"And Luo Binghe?"

"...do yourself a favour, don’t ask about him. The less you know about Luo Binghe’s relationship with shizun, the better off you will be."

“Are you two talking about Luo Binghe? I’m telling you, he has to be a demon! I heard Luo Binghe caused a peak lord to qi-deviate using a dark technique called ‘therapy.’"

"Hey, don't underestimate Cang Qiong! You think a peak lord would be beaten by that mutt?"

"But wait… it makes sense… we know a peak lord who qi deviated… and when he recovered, he suddenly started being so nice to Luo Binghe!" 

"You don't mean-!?

"Wait, wait, did you say 'therapy?' I heard shizun say that word once!"

"What!" 

"It was late at night, he was reading some kind of novel, I think... I heard him sigh and say, 'his writing is why I need therapy…' I asked him about it and he said it was nothing, but thinking about it now…" 

"Oh my… Luo Binghe must have given shizun some kind of cursed book that keeps him under his control!" 

"We have to save him!" 

"How?"

"By destroying the curse! Quick, which book was it?"

"I-I don't remember!" 

"Come on, think harder!"

"There's no time to wait around thinking about this! Shizun is being controlled and used by that awful monster as we speak… we just have to destroy all the books we see!"

"What!?"

"What do you mean 'what!' Shizun takes such good care of us, and loves us so much… is some paper more important than his life!?"

"Here, here!"

"That's right!" 

"Spread the word, spread the word! Tell everyone! We're destroying the library!")

Shen Qingqiu stretched out his arms and relaxed on his towel. Yeah, a vacation was fine. Surely Qing Jing would be fine without him for one day. 

Qi Qinqi, Liu Mingyan, and Shen Jiu returned to the group, changed into their swimsuits. Shen Jiu looked adorable in his swim trunks, of course! Qi Qingqi… not so much. Bright pink was not his shimei’s colour. 

Liu Mingyan wore a beautiful semi-transparent violet robe. It showed just enough for one to make out the outlines of her body, but nothing more than that. How in character! Hiding away her beauty while still showing it off at the same time! 

Personally, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t too moved by the sight. Poor Ning Yingying, however, was practically mad with envy, her face so red she looked like she was going to pass out. The man watched with concern as his student stared at the other girl's outfit, Yingying’s nails digging into her thighs painfully as she mumbled, “shimei, please take that off…” 

The intense, heated look Yinying directed at Liu Mingyan made it clear a catfight was about to break out any second over Luo Binghe’s attention. As much as he wanted to stay and watch the action, there was no way anything would happen with Mingyan’s older brother right there. 

Shen Qingqiu, loving shizun that he was, took one for the team and wandered over to Liu Qingge. 

Incapable of enjoying himself like a normal person, Liu Qingge had tasked himself with hunting for fish. A considerable amount had already been stacked onto several sticks, and he was only gathering more every time he stabbed into the water. 

“Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu called out. Whatever words were to follow died a bit in his throat. It should have been illegal for the War God to play in the ocean shirtless like this…! No wonder Airplane had to kill this man off so early, the water droplets running down his chest sparkled so brightly, they nearly shone as bright as the protagonist! 

I’m sorry for shit talking you, Ming Fan. I get it.

“What?” Liu Qingge growled. Shen Qingqiu flushed, quickly looking away from his shidi’s well defined pecs. He’d never been caught ogling women before, but he could practically hear ‘my eyes are up here’ in his head. 

“Ahem, uh,” Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat. “Shidi, how about we leave?” 

Liu Qingge’s brow furrowed in confusion. “We just arrived.” 

“Ah, not leave for home,” he explained. He gestured behind them, to the small forest behind the beach. “Just for an hour or two. To explore!” He smiled at his friend, goading him into agreeing. “Come, shidi, it’ll be nice. Shouldn’t two martial brothers get to have some fun alone?” 

“Alone?” Liu Qingge repeated. He blushed. “Now?” 

Yes, now! Ning Yingying was already making her move, marching over to Liu Mingyan with determination. Shen Qingqiu grabbed Liu Qingge’s hand and pulled him away. 

The waves of the sea, and his students’ excited shouts seemed to practically vanish as they entered. The trees were tall, and loomed over to provide the area with shade, blocking out any view of the outside world. 

“It’s actually pretty nice here,” Shen Qingqiu commented. He breathed in deeply and exhaled with a content sigh. “And it smells so nice.” He strolled down a dirt path, taking note of various herbs he could recognize, trying to place stray bird calls. He’d walked a few minutes before he looked back and found Liu Qingge following several feet back. “Shidi, are you not going to come closer?”

Liu Qingge refused to look at him as he grunted, “shameless!” 

See, if literally any other peak lord said that, Shen Qingqiu would be embarrassed. But Liu Qingge was barely a teacher- someone who didn’t even have a head disciple had no right to judge Shen Qingqiu for ditching his students to wander off! “Do you have any right to call me shameless?” Shen Qingqiu replied back with a raised brow. 

Liu Qingge flushed red at the question, and stubbornly refused to join him. 

Shen Qingqiu walked back, cornering the man. “Shidi, what’s wrong? Why so shy?” When Liu Qingge’s eyes resolutely stayed away from his, Shen Qingqiu grinned teasingly. “Shidi, come on, tell me. It’s only us two.” 

Liu Qingge moved his jaw wordlessly for a few moments before he actually said anything. “How often do you… do this.” 

“It’s actually my first time, if you can believe it,” Shen Qingqiu answered. Liu Qingge’s head whipped back to finally look at him with wide eyes. Was it that surprising? He couldn’t imagine Shen Jiu visiting many beaches willingly, and Shen Yuan himself had never gone. “I know, I know, there’s many things this master has yet to try.” 

“And you decided to do it here ?” 

“What? Is this place haunted or something?” 

“Is that all that matters to you!?” 

A nearby bush rustled, and Shen Qingqiu grabbed his fan. Fuck, he was in such a hurry to get Liu Qingge away, neither had brought a sword. Shen Qingqiu just hoped whatever jumped out wasn’t too dangerous.

And what jumped out was none other than the most dangerous demon in the entire world. Binghe brushed some leaves out of his fluffy hair and greeted him with a wave. “Hi, shizun!”

“Wha- Binghe?” He should have been at the beach, soaking up the sun with cute girls! “Why are you here?” 

Recently, Binghe had begun exchanging coquettish banter that left Shen Qingqiu’s heart pounding. 

No, not pounding like the ba-dump of a first love. Pounding from fear. 

“Why am I here?” Binghe bound up to Shen Qingqiu and launched himself into his teacher’s arms. Despite how quickly Binghe was catching up to his shizun in height, he still managed to look up at him in such a cute way. With a sweet smile, he said: “Doesn’t shizun know? There’s nowhere in the world he can hide where this disciple won’t find him!”

Visions of torn limbs flashed in Shen Qingqiu’s eyes. The words were charming, even flirtatious, but it was like the universe was reminding him Binghe would never let him escape! Fucking terrifying!!! His heart jumped at Binghe’s words for all the wrong reasons. 

“Binghe, what about your shijies?”

“They’re with Qi-shishu, they’ll be fine,” Binghe replied. 

“That wasn't what I meant…” 

Liu Qingge gave Binghe an irritated glance. “Your disciple is too old to be clinging to you like this.” 

Binghe growled in response- actually growled! Shen Qingqiu patted his head to calm him down, and Binghe returned to his sweet disposition. He spread a blanket onto the soil (where did that come from!), patting it down and gesturing for everyone to sit. “Shizun, shall we take a break for tea?” 

“Do you see tea here-” Liu Qingge choked on his words when Binghe presented a full tea set and began pouring.

Shen Qingqiu was amazed. Binghe was in nothing but his swim trunks and had no qiankun bag on him… where was he keeping all these things?

“Ridiculous,” Liu Qingge huffed. 

“Yes, it is rather ridiculous shizun had to wait this long for tea,” Binghe spat back. 

“Hey!” Liu Qingge yelled. That was Shen Qingqiu’s cue to move away. 

It was usually good to let them bark at each other until they tired out. Shen Qingqiu yawned and sat down on a nearby rock. 

Half aware, he watched the two beautiful cultivators argue. He wanted to see them fight for real… what a shame Binghe was so absurdly meta and would win for sure. He would have done anything to see a battle between the demonic emperor and Qing Jing’s War God. 

Lost in thought, he didn’t notice a thick vine crawl around his waist. Only when he was suddenly thrown into the air did his two companions shut up and run over. 

Spotted purple stem around his torso, big crystalline petals opening to meet his face followed by- pfwah , of course, pollen sprayed right at him! 

“Shen Qingqiu!” Liu Qingge yelled at the same time Binghe screamed, “shizun!” 

Pushing down his coughs, Shen Qingqiu yelled down, “cover your nose and mouth!” 

Seriously, why did this have to happen to him ? Two of Binghe’s wives came with them!

Luo Binghe, protagonist and genius that he was, expertly hit the plant’s stigma with a rock. With its apparent weak spot exploited, it screamed, retreating into the dirt as quickly as it could. Liu Qingge was already in place underneath, holding out his arms, and Shen Qingqiu fell right into his shidi’s giant tits!

"Tits!?" Liu Qingge sounded like he was going to cry. "They're pecs- and who's about to cry!?" 

Did-did he say that out loud!? How embarrassing…! 

“Shizun, are you alright!?” Binghe ran over, pulling Shen Qingqiu out of his shidi’s arms. “Shizun, what pollen was it!?” 

How would he know!? “Let’s return to the others quickly and send for your Mu-shishu,” Shen Qingqiu only said. Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge nodded, and each of them grabbed under an arm to support him. Rather embarrassed, he said, “um, I can still walk.” When neither answered, he sighed. “You two make me feel like such an old man.” Beside him, Shen Qingqiu heard his student gasp. 

“Old man,” Binghe breathed out happily.

He stopped walking instantly to smack Binghe with his fan. “What was that!?” 

“Nothing, shizun!” Binghe answered. He held his attacked head in his hands. “I’m sorry!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s grip tightened on the weapon. “So is it nothing, or are you sorry!?” 

“I’m sorry, shizun, it’s nothing!” 

The mood had pretty much been ruined the moment Shen Qingqiu returned. Liu Qingge, Luo Binghe, and Shen Jiu refused to leave his side out of worry. Ming Fan just sort of hovered around, occasionally asking if he or Liu Qingge needed anything. Qi Qingqi and Yingying sat with Liu Mingyan, who refused to stop staring at him whenever Binghe would fuss over him- did he steal a wife plot meant for her? 

Shen Qingqiu swallowed despairingly and prepared himself when swords dropped down from the sky. 

Mu Qingfang and Yue Qingyuan greeted him with the barest amount of respect necessary before they dove in on him- Yue Qingyuan with his neverending pestering about Qingqiu-shidi’s health , and Mu Qingfang’s eternal fascination with how consistently Shen Qingqiu managed to find himself being poisoned. 

“Purple stem, you say,” Mu Qingfang muttered to himself as he flipped through an insanely thick encyclopedia. “But you can manage your libido?”

Did they have to talk about this in front of everyone? “Uh, no changes in that.” 

“Oh!” Mu Qingfang exclaimed in surprise. He dropped his book and opened a much, much slimmer index instead. Almost laughing to himself, he muttered, “a lot easier to find, then. Yes, here we are.” He pushed his glasses up his nose and held the book forward for Shen Qingqiu to identify the plant. 

“Pollen extracted to create… truth serums?” 

Ming Fan exclaimed, “Quick, shizun, tell a lie to see if that’s it! Say something really obvious like, ‘I’m not Shen Qingqiu.’”

[Reminder: revealing host’s identity as a transmigrator will result in the account’s termination.]

He covered his mouth with his hands as quickly as he could. 

“Shidi?” Yue Qingyuan coaxed gently. “This shixiong is aware Qingqiu likes to be… secretive, but you must say something .” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck…! All eyes were on him as he tried to think of a way to escape-

“Wait!” The group looked up to see Shang Qinghua’s sword drawing closer to land on the beach. “Could you guys… fly a little slower…” The peak lord was visibly sweating, panting as he stepped off, hair a mess- “ Shixiong ,” Shang Qinghua said bitterly, “please excuse this shidi’s appearance, he had to fly here all the way from Cang Qiong for you !” 

“Me?” The communication talisman had really only asked for Mu-shidi. The sect leader inviting himself was to be expected but, “who asked you to come for me!?”

"Doesn't shizun remember?" Shen Jiu answered, "earlier you said this was all his fault." 

Shen Qingqiu returned to covering his mouth. He didn’t even remember thinking that! 

“What did Qingqiu mean by that?” Yue Qingyuan asked. “Does shidi have reason to believe Shang Qinghua put him in harms way?” 

Qi Qingqi spoke up. “You know… I’ve always found it odd how often he’s absent from the sect.” 

“Squirrely,” Liu Qingge supplied with narrowed eyes. “He’s always nervous.”

“Ah, I just have a little anxiety.” Shang Qinghua was sweating buckets. 

“And the injuries and ice burns he never explains,” Mu Qingfang added. 

“Shang-shidi.” Yue Qingyuan’s expression turned serious. “Is there something you’re hiding from us?” 

What was he supposed to tell them? That he was Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, their god and creator? Or that he was Shang Qinghua, the double agent working for the demons?

"Wait, don't hurt him over what I said without thinking!” Shen Qingqiu cried out. If he said anything about Qinghua’s true identity, their lives would be in danger- instead he said something immeasurably worse. “He's my best friend in this world!" 

The silence that followed was so thick, Shen Qingqiu wanted to end his own life. 

Shen Qingqiu hurried to deny his previous words. "I want to say I don't care about him but I do- fuck!"

He couldn’t look at anyone. The heat of shame crawling up his face was too much. 

“Bro…” he heard Shang Qinghua say. “Bro, you’re my best friend too!” 

“Shut up!” Shen Qingqiu hissed. “Of course you are, there’s no one else-” The system blared out a warning, and he quickly slapped his hand over his mouth.

“I see.” Although his big brother smile had returned, Yue Qingyuan had a dark look in his eyes as he stared down at Shang Qinghua. "Shang-shidi… is Qingqiu’s best friend." 

"Hmph," Liu Qingge added helpfully. He stared off into the ocean with his lips set in a scowl. Why was he mad!? Shen Qingqiu was the one who'd just embarrassed himself!

"Shidi, don't make that face," Shen Qingqiu chided. Without meaning to, he also blurted, "What if your face gets stuck like that and ruins your beauty?" Liu Qingge’s mouth dropped open, speechless. His face burned red, flushing all the way down his neck! Shen Qingqiu hurried to defend himself, “I didn’t mean to say that! It’s the truth pollen! I can’t help it if you’re pretty!” 

“Pretty!?” Liu Qingge finally spat out in offense. 

"Bruh," Shang Qinghua commented. 

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe whined. 

"It's true, the Liu family really is blessed…" Ning Yingying sent a glance to her shimei. 

"Mingyan," Qi Qingqi whispered, "your topi is in danger." 

"It's OTP, shizun," Liu Mingyan whispered back, "and shibo has two hands." 

Shen Qingqiu bit his bottom lip to keep himself from angering his shidi anymore, and Liu Qingge threw Cheng Luan down in front of himself, jumping on it quickly. “I’m leaving!” 

“Ah, shidi don’t…” Too late, Liu Qingge had already taken off at top speed. With the War God no longer available to act as a buffer, Shen Qingqiu shuddered, preparing himself for Yue Qingyuan’s coming interrogation. But instead of rambling a hundred questions a minute about risk management, Shen Qingqiu was pleasantly surprised to find the sect leader harassing someone else for a change. 

"It's just…" Yue Qingyuan placed a hand on Shang Qinghua’s shoulder. "Qingqiu and I have known each other for decades, and I never knew the two of you were so close that he would consider you his best friend." 

“Uh, haha, um, that hurts a little, shixiong…” Shang Qinghua laughed nervously. “He was just joking, he didn’t mean that…!” 

“He didn’t mean his words while under a truth curse?” Yue Qingyuan repeated dryly as he dug his fingers in. “Qingqiu’s best friend is very funny.” The hand tightened its grip until Shang Qinghua was buckling under the pressure. An amiable smile stayed on his face the entire time, even when an angry vein popped out near his temple. “I’m very interested in hearing all about your friendship. This shixiong thought he knew Qingqiu-shidi best, but clearly not!” 

“Ha… haha…” Shang Qinghua sent Shen Qingqiu a pleading SOS. Shen Qingqiu replied with a face that said, ‘suffer ’ and let Yue Qingyuan drag him off to be worked over.

Mu Qingfang cleared his throat as they all ignored Shang Qinghua’s cries for help. “A truth serum requires a long refining process before it can be made. Thus, the pollen alone is quite weak and should wear off in about a week or so, If Shen-shixiong does not wish to end it instantly via dual-" 

"You bring up dual cultivation every single time!” Shen Qingqiu stated involuntarily, “is it so funny to throw in my face that I’m single!?”

“That-that was not my intention-” Mu Qingfang tried to say, but was interrupted by their shimei’s amused cackling. 

“This is the best,” Qi Qingqi said with glee. “Mu-shidi, can we not make it last longer? Our shixiong is so entertaining when he’s embarrassing himself.” 

"What's embarrassing is a peak lord wearing a polka-dot pattern one-piece to the beach!" Shen Qingqiu shot back. “Is this a vacation, or the clearance bin at a children’s clothing store!?” 

"Shen Qingqiu, I swear, you…!" Behind the raging woman, Mu Qingfang tried (and failed) to cover his snort with a cough, and Qi Qingqi turned on him as well. "What the hell are you laughing at!?" 

“Enough,” Mu Qingfang shut them up firmly. “I’m nearly done. Shixiong, is there anything else I should be aware of, or is it simply a matter of waiting seven days?” 

"I feel…" Fine , he tried to say, but the words refused to come out. The whole time he’d been fussed over by his Liu Qingge and his disciples, he’d just held them at bay with statements of ‘all of you, relax, I won’t die’ and ‘go for a walk and come back when you’ve calmed down !’ He didn’t think he’d said, ‘ I’m alright’ at any point. 

He really did feel fine! As fine as he ever could feel, anyway… He cleared his throat. "I feel relatively the same as usual, not counting my inability to lie." Ah, so luckily he could think more on his words instead of blurting out whatever came to mind. 

Done with the examination, he was pulled over by his ever-fretting students. There was no point in trying to stop himself from speaking- he decided if he must say his thoughts, he might as well say what he wanted. “None of you interrupted, growled at, kicked, or disrespected the other peak lords while I spoke with them.” He said. “I’m very proud of you all.” 

Was he praising them for the bare minimum? Yes. Was it necessary? With these kids, yes. 

“Shizun is being so nice to us under this spell!” Yingying squealed. Her face lit up, as if she’d just had a brilliant idea, and she shot Binghe a conspiratorial grin. “Shizun, since you can’t lie… who’s your favourite on Qing Jing!?”

“Shijie!” Binghe cried out. 

Shen Qingqiu pondered on this. Usually he would answer with, ‘I love you all equally!’ He couldn’t do that at the moment, because it would be a lie. He did have a favourite. 

It was Binghe. And by a lot. 

Choosing his words carefully, Shen Qingqiu said, “each one of my students have something they’re the best at, and those skills are not comparable to others. For example, Han Jiu may be the youngest on Qing Jing, but he is the most street-wise, and has more practical experience regarding people than anyone." Shen Jiu puffed out his chest in pride. 

Shen Qingqiu continued, "No one can maintain order in the bamboo house like Luo Binghe, and he makes the most delicious meals for this master every day." The boy in question bashfully held his blushing cheeks in his hands. 

Yingying was a bit tricky… her airheaded shenanigans often got the others into trouble, but Shen Qingqiu would be lying if he said he really did mind… "Ning Yingying's friendliness is something all should aspire for, and her liveliness makes every moment on the peak worth remembering." The girl beamed at his words.

Finally, Ming Fan. The boy was written to be canon fodder, his entire purpose to stupidly follow whatever villain he could find. But in the years he'd known the boy, Shen Qingqiu couldn't help but be endeared by his blind obedience. "Ming Fan is my most loyal student, obeying my words no matter how difficult or illogical they might seem. I greatly appreciate my head disciple's diligence, and would wish he would stop feeling like he's been forsaken… the reason this master does not need to pamper you is because you're capable of taking care of yourself." 

Ming Fan’s jaw fell open at the words, tears budding in his eyes. "Shizun!" The boy was so big and still so sticky! First he grabbed onto Shen Qingqiu, and of course everyone had to follow the head disciple’s lead! In a big puddle of cuddles, Shen Qingqiu indulged them all with headpats for only a few moments before shooing them away. “Go pack, we’re returning to Qing Jing!” 

The children nodded and raced off at the same time he heard, “Oh, I wouldn’t recommend that.” 

Looking like he’d lost several years off his life was Shang Qinghua. Shen Qingqiu didn’t bother asking after him, the guy was a masochist anyway. “What’s that supposed to mean.” 

Shang Qinghua leaned against a tree with disinterest as he began rambling. “Yeah, so, I went to Qing Jing, but when I got there, all your ADHD children were holding torches and pitchforks and setting shit on fire and stuff, and I was all, ‘what are you guys doing’ and they went, ‘oh, hey shishu, we’re saving shizun’, and I was like, ‘isn’t Shen-shixiong on vacation’ and they went, ‘only because Luo Binghe is a demon who brainwashed him’, so yeahhh…”

“What,” Shen Qingqiu said helplessly.

Shang Qinghua continued on. “...so I go to Cian Qao to tell the sect leader, like, ‘heyyy, your precious shidi’s peak is about to go to shit’ but before I can do that, he’s all, ‘Shang-shidi, I request you accompany us’ and takes off so fast , and then I arrived and you-” Shang Qinghua jumped in excitement, stars in his eyes. “You said I was your best-”

“Shut up!” Shen Qingqiu didn’t even have the energy to smack him. He just sighed. “This is the worst vacation ever.” 

Shang Qinghua gave him a comforting pat on the back. As if he was speaking to a frightened child he said, “Hey, come on, don’t be sad! Look, your kids almost made an entire… half a day without you there! That’s gotta be a record or something!” 

Shen Qingqiu, Cang Qiong’s famous scholar, sat in bed with pink cheeks while his disciple doted on him. "Binghe, I'm not incapable of feeding myself…" 

Binghe held out another spoonful of congee. "If shizun says he hates being treated like this, then this disciple will stop." 

Shen Qingqiu opened and closed his mouth several times, only for nothing to come out. Finally he shut his eyes and his blush deepened in colour. “This is embarrassing!"

Binghe smiled at shizun’s adorable, shy face! He pressed the spoon into his teacher's lips, enjoying the way Shen Qingqiu slurped demurely. "Shizun still hasn't said he doesn’t like it." 

Binghe knew he was pushing his luck, being extremely unfilial by disobeying his teacher. But Luo Binghe had spent years sure he knew his shizun best, and now this truth curse was confirming it. 

“Binghe, you must have something better to do!” 

Binghe’s smile grew. Unable to lie, shizun just couldn’t say he wanted an end to Binghe’s doting. 

“Say ‘ahh’, shizun!” Binghe directed. Pampering his lackadaisical, aged, honest shizun like this was a dream come true…! Binghe really thought he might burst into tears at any moment with how complete he felt. "There could be nothing better than this! If it were up to me, shizun would never use his arms and legs again!" 

Shizun’s body went rigid in a moment, and all the blood left his face. Instead of ignoring Binghe’s flirting like usual, Shen Qingqiu yelled, "Never say that again! That's horrifying!" 

“Shizun!?” Worried, Binghe set the food to the side and held his teacher’s hand. “What’s the matter?” 

Shizun pulled his knees towards himself, like he was some frightened child. "I like using my limbs! You can't take them!" 

Binghe couldn’t help but laugh. His shizun was so, so cute…! “Shizun, you know that’s not what I meant!” 

“It-it isn’t?” 

“Of course not!” Binghe climbed onto the bed, pulling Shen Qingqiu into his arms. He loved being embraced by the older man, but having shizun’s face against his chest also felt nice… A bit bashfully, he murmured, “besides, how could I ever be satisfied taking shizun’s arms and legs? That’s not nearly enough.” 

Shizun went still against him. In a strained voice he asked, “not enough?” 

Binghe shook his head, shyly burying his face into Shen Qingqiu’s hair as he confessed. “Shizun has always been so good to me…” His grip around his shizun tightened. “This disciple is greedy… I want all of shizun.”

Binghe snuck a glimpse to see shizun’s flustered face, and instead found him looking terrified and sickly. 

“I’ve been good to you, so you want more.” Unable to lie, shizun whispered, “I think I’m going to pass out.” 

Shen Jiu was plotting. He was scheming , he was designing an underhanded plan that would fool even an immortal scholar. He knocked on the door to the bamboo house, schooling his face into something pitiful. When shizun saw him, he beckoned him inside immediately. “Han Jiu, what’s wrong?” 

He sniffled, holding his elbow awkwardly to make the minor cut look much worse. “This disciple is terribly sorry to disturb shizun. I just need some medicine and I’ll be on my way…” 

Shen Qingqiu usually needed no encouragement to begin coddling him, but Shen Jiu still moved first, burying his face into his shizun’s stomach. Shen Qingqiu hugged him back. “Is this because of your new room? Are you being bullied?” 

Oh, now that was something he hadn’t even considered. In truth he’d just slipped on a patch of moss, but this would gather much more sympathy. “Yes, shizun, I’m being bullied terribly.” 

“You should have said something earlier.” Shen Qingqiu stroked his hair. “Is it the same person who ripped your uniform last week?”

“Yes!” Shen Jiu responded enthusiastically. Shizun was so soft, and gentle, and held him so carefully…

“And is he also why you needed a new manual?”

He’d often heard boozers describe the feeling of intoxication as something warm and comforting. Was this what being drunk felt like? “Yes…” 

“In that case, I think I know what’s going on.”

“Really?” He wondered who it would be, getting chewed out by shizun for bullying that Shen Jiu had never suffered. He hoped for Luo Binghe, or Ming Fan. 

“Yes.” Shen Jiu whined when Shen Qingqiu pulled away, smacking him lightly with a fan. “Stop making up reasons to come over.” 

Shen Jiu’s underhanded plan had not fooled the immortal scholar! His face went hot in shame when Shen Qingqiu laughed. 

“Go clean your ‘ wound ,’” Shen Qingqiu ordered with amusement, “and we can have tea together.”

Mission failed… successfully? 

He hurried to the bathroom, quickly washed off the blood, patted it dry with a clean cloth, and practically ran back. Shen Qingqiu was already seated at the table with a small cake in his hand. Despite just exposing Shen Jiu for lying several times, he still smiled and gestured for him to sit along with him. “I’m actually quite glad you joined me,” shizun said. “Binghe’s off on a night hunt, and it’s a bit too quiet around here.” He pushed a plate of cookies forward. “I’m assuming that’s the opposite of the reason you came here… is the dorm too noisy?” 

“Yes,” Shen Jiu lied again. This time he knew Shen Qingqiu believed it. “Are you- is shizun still under his truth curse?”

Shen Qingqiu smiled proudly at him. “Tomorrow is the last day, fortunately. But tell me how you’re doing.” 

Having Shen Qingqiu’s attention was a hard fought battle, with so many people vying after his time. And shizun actually listened . Shen Jiu would never understand what a peak lord could find interesting about some street rat, but Shen Qingqiu remembered his words like he was someone important. If he said he hated his martial siblings, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t pair them together for teams. If he said he felt tired, Shen Qingqiu would excuse his classes and let him rest for the day. If he said his uniform was itchy, Shen Qingqiu would come by a few days later with one made of a different material. 

Shen Jiu talked about his progress with the guqin, the other outer disciples and how smelly they were, time he spent with Qi-ge. Shen Qingqiu listened patiently, a soft smile on his lips the entire time. Shen Jiu wondered if his words were entertaining, or funny, or any more worth listening to than the other disciples who no doubt wanted shizun to hear everything they had to say. Struggling to think of a more engaging topic, he shoved a pastry into his mouth. 

"He licks the icing first," shizun mumbled to himself. Shen Jiu's blushed at his childish actions being scrutinized, but Shen Qingqiu was speaking again before he could do anything about it. "Reminds me of meimei…"

Shen Jiu blinked in surprise. "Meimei?" 

Shizun’s eyes widened and he quickly shut his mouth. 

Probing for more information, Shen Jiu said, "I didn't know shizun had a sister."  

“Yes.” Shizun’s warm eyes dulled. "I had a sister." 

Oh. 

“Ah, but, do me a favour.” Shen Qingqiu nervously asked, “don’t mention this to the sect leader, hm?” 

A secret! Shen Qingqiu was asking him to keep a secret! Shen Jiu was thrilled by the idea that he knew more about Shen Qingqiu than the sect leader . Playing it cool, he replied, “will shizun buy my silence?” 

Shen Qingqiu laughed, his previous sadness gone. “You’re impossible.” He looked out the window. “And it’s late. You should return.” 

Shen Jiu attempted to stretch out their goodbye for as long as possible, but only minutes later, he was closing Shen Qingqiu’s bedroom door behind him. He walked to the front entrance to the bamboo house, incapable of making himself leave. There had to be a way to stay a little longer…

'Shizun, can I borrow something warm? It's so cold tonight, and the dorms are so far…' Shizun was a total pushover, he'd probably beg for Shen Jiu to stay with him for the night! 

He hurried back down the hall, stopping in front of Shen Qingqiu’s room when he heard his shizun talking to himself.

“...can’t believe… brought up meimei… wife plots…”

Shen Jiu peered through the door to see him pacing around the room. 

“... a way to shut myself up,” Shen Qingqiu sighed to himself. “At this rate, everyone will find out Luo Binghe is a demon!” 

When they’d returned from their trip, shizun had been forced to give out harsh punishments to the unruly disciples who’d brought chaos onto the peak by claiming Binghe was a demon. Yet here he was, under a truth spell, saying-

Shen Jiu pushed the door open. Shen Qingqiu whipped his head around to find Shen Jiu behind him.

"Luo Binghe… he's really a demon?" 

Shen Qingqiu stared at him. Then he yelled, “ fuck!” 

"This master hopes he can place his trust in you," shizun said quietly. "Binghe is no less filial just because of his heritage.” 

Only someone like Shen Qingqiu would be foolish enough to place his trust in him. Where others called Shen Jiu 'crafty' and 'worthless', Shen Qingqiu called him 'resourceful' and 'full of potential'. He was quickly understanding, however, his shizun’s ability to always see the best in people may be cause for concern. "A good demon," he repeated the contradiction. "Is there also any cold fire on the peak I'm unaware of?" 

"Not on the peak, no, but in the northern demon lands there is a type of 'ice fire' that-" 

"Shizun!" Shen Jiu slammed his hands on the table. “What are you doing!? You’re a cultivator!” 

“And?” Shen Qingqiu asked stubbornly. 

“And!? This is like… like an exterminator living with rats!” 

“What if they’re nice rats?” Shen Qingqiu challenged. “What if the rats cook and clean for you? And were very talented in cultivation? Why would the exterminator want to get rid of them?” Realizing how silly he sounded, shizun opened a fan to hide behind. 

Shen Jiu had recently begun carrying a fan himself. Despite all his attempts, he'd never managed the action as elegantly as the peak lord. Shen Qingqiu's flawlessness was an overwhelming goal. Shen Jiu wasn't sure if he wanted to be Shen Qingqiu's son, be Shen Qingqiu's husband, or be Shen Qingqiu . 

Every part of the man was just so… perfect. But not perfect in the stuck up way that made nobles look down their noses at people like Shen Jiu. Perfect in a loving way, where he nurtured every disciple and left a piece of his excellence in them. 

If Shen Qingqiu placed too much trust in that monster and got hurt… then that kindness would no longer be kindness, it would be stupidity. And if shizun got hurt- if he died -

Shen Jiu thought he looked up to an intelligent, immortal master. If his role model turned out to be some dead idiot, he’d be so angry! What a rip-off that would be, he might actually qi-deviate!  

So… he refused to allow any harm to come to Shen Qingqiu. Shen Jiu had long decided he'd always protect his shizun… only for his own sake of mind, of course! 

Shen Jiu was never someone capable of feeling love. But when it came to his shizun, he wondered if his feelings for Shen Qingqiu were close enough. 

“You’re right, shizun.” Shen Jiu said. 

That looked like it was the last thing shizun expected. “What?”

“It’s like shizun said. If people can be bad, then demons can be good. You are right.” 

“But… it’s just…” Shen Qingqiu lowered his fan, watching him carefully. “Han Jiu seemed very reluctant a moment ago.” 

“I’ve been educated,” he answered. 

Shen Qingqiu studied his face, then sighed. “I’ve kept you out too late. Stay here for the night.” 

Well, that was one plan that had managed to work. Now for the other. 

He didn’t do anything for the first week, nor for the second, or third. His shizun watched him, clearly waiting for something to happen, but no! If anything Shen Jiu was nicer to Luo Binghe than before. After an entire month, when Shen Qingqiu had given up on monitoring him, Shen Jiu cornered Binghe in the kitchen. 

“Shixiong,” Shen Jiu sing-songed. 

Luo Binghe stopped stirring his soup to glare back at him. “Why are you in shizun’s house?” 

“What?” Shen Jiu goaded. “I’m not allowed in, but a demon is?” 

Luo Binghe dropped his ladle. “What?” There was a strangely vulnerable expression on his face that… Shen Jiu did not take complete delight in seeing. Weird.  

“Wan Jian peak has many swords that can detect demonic energy,” Shen Jiu fibbed. “I borrowed one the other day… I wonder how everyone would react knowing it responded to you.” 

“Wha- you’re lying,” Luo Binghe said, but a drop of sweat running down his temple betrayed his fear. “You can’t borrow swords from Wan Jian.” 

“Do you want to put my words to the test?”

“Don’t!” Luo Binghe exclaimed. It was a bit annoying to see his rival in such a sad state. “Please, don’t say anything to shizun…!” 

This was more complicated then he’d assumed. Shizun knew Luo Binghe was a demon… but Luo Binghe didn’t know that shizun was aware? Oh, he could get a lot of mileage out of this. 

Shen Jiu grinned. “If Luo Binghe wants me to stay quiet, he only has to do one small thing for me, that’s all.”

Really, it was nothing too unreasonable. If he told Luo Binghe to do something extreme like leave the sect, shizun would catch on. So his demand was a very simple way for him to make sure Shen Jiu would be able to protect shizun- yet the demon’s face still soured like it was truly unthinkable.

The front door opened. “Oh, perfect timing.” 

“Binghe, what smells so good-” Shen Qingqiu walked into the kitchen and paused when he saw them together. “Han Jiu is here as well?” 

“We were just discussing something." Shen Jiu gleefully nudged Luo Binghe to get on with it. “Why doesn’t shixiong tell shizun?”

"Shizun…" Luo Binghe, the literal beast , looked like he was in pain as he forced the words out: "Shizun, please let Han-shidi live in the bamboo house with us!" 

After two years as the peak lord, Shen  Qingqiu felt confident enough to start making more major changes. That year, he allowed his students their first 'summer break'- a month to return home and relax from their grueling studies. Students who did not have anywhere to go, like Luo Binghe and Shen Jiu, stayed on the peak, spending their days with their shizun. Poorer families were extremely grateful to have an extra set of hands back on their farm or business, while the richer parents sent their children back instantly, demanding they couldn’t slack on their studies. In the end, summer break was reduced to just two weeks to compromise with the wishes of all parties.  

After Shen Jiu moved in, Yue Qingyuan began to haunt Qing Jing like some sort of… desperate divorced father. Every few days, Shen Qingqiu would open his door to see the sect leader outside the bamboo house with a pitiful face. "I know Xiao-Jiu is Qingqiu's disciple, but could he come over to Qian Cao for the day?" Shixiong, how was that any different than saying, 'I know you have custody, but can he visit this weekend?'

He set aside a bit of time every week to visit An Ding and speak with his fellow transmigrator. One autumn afternoon, the two of them watched the leaves fall, painting a beautiful view that truly did not suit the 'manual labour' peak. 

"I miss pumpkin spice lattes," Shang Qinghua said. "Why didn't I write them into Proud Immortal Demon Way?" 

"You know what, sure," Shen Qingqiu replied. "Put a Starbucks here! Wouldn't be the worst way you've butchered the xianxia genre."

"Oh, boohoo," Shang Qinghua spitefully answered. "Hey everyone, I'm Peerless Cucumber and I lose my damn mind when a fantasy setting isn't realistic."  

"What is the point of making a xianxia if you're going to ignore everything that makes it compelling!?" Shen Qingqiu held his fan threateningly. "This is why you'll always-"

"Always be a hack authour, I know, I know!" Shang Qinghua wailed. "Can't you say something new!? For all you criticize my writing, you're more repetitive and boring than anything in my novels!"

" You -!!"

As the weather became colder, his students began bundling up in thicker robes. One winter morning, Shen Qingqiu found Yingying knitting. The scarf (?) was a mismatch of clashing colors, with no coherent pattern to them. But anyone could tell it was made with love. 

That's right, Binghe would be turning seventeen soon. "A gift for your shidi?" Shen Qingqiu asked. 

Ning Yingying's face was pink from sitting out in the snow. "It's for Mingyan-shimei!' 

"Ah," he replied, "that's nice?" 

Shen Qingqiu didn't understand, but oh well. Keep your friends close, and your romantic rivals closer… 

When the Spring Festival arrived, Shen Qingqiu celebrated with all his disciples. 

On new years eve, his students whined when he refused to let them stay up all night to keep watch. They were quickly placated when Shen Qingqiu said they could stay up until midnight, far later then their usual bedtime, but they needed rest to have energy for tomorrow's celebrations. 

He gave them all their lucky money before they set off for a nearby town, lecturing his excited students about being polite and upholding Cang Qiong’s reputation. Internally, he was cooing over his adorable students! They all looked so cute in their new red clothes! 

(For any students who didn't have family to send them gifts, he provided them with their new attire. The number of children, including Luo Binghe, who clung to him to sob delayed their schedule, and it was already near dark by the time they arrived.)

They split off into several groups, older students in charge of the younger, and explored the festivities. Many of them would frequently run back to him, proudly exclaiming they’d solved a lantern riddle, preening under his praise. 

“Shibo.” Liu Mingyan approached him, bowing respectfully. She was even wearing a red veil to match her outfit! The only thing out of place was a truly hideous scarf wrapped around her neck. “May this one ask for Ning-shijie?”

Yingying practically jumped beside him. “Me!?”

“I still have to repay shijie for her gift.” Liu Mingyan took Ning Yingying’s hand, and the older girl’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as she was dragged off. “Tell me what you want. I will get it for you.” 

The two of them wandered around the festival, playing games like they were on a carnival date. Yingying’s arms quickly filled with prize after prize, watching her shimei win one game after another in a daze. Other girls from the town took notice of her winning streak and began following her around one by one. Soon enough, the group had become large enough that the townsfolk instinctively moved out of the way for them to pass through the streets. Like Moses parting the red sea, if all his followers were teenage girls. Wasn’t that Luo Binghe’s place…?

Shen Qingqiu elbowed his student. “Doesn’t Binghe want to win some prizes?” 

As if he’d been waiting for the words, Binghe jumped excitedly. “Really!?” When Shen Qingqiu nodded, Binghe clung to his arm. “Please win something for me, shizun!” 

“That’s not what I-”

“Me too, shizun!” Another student cried, and Shen Qingqiu had his own following of young boys begging for winnings. He spent the entire night playing game after game… but he didn’t mind too much, when his students would light up and hold an item close, squealing, “I’ll cherish this forever, shizun!” 

The snow cleared up, and winter on Qing Jing was over before he knew it. "Today is my birthday," Shen Jiu announced one spring morning. Probably his first birthday under a real home. Shen Qingqiu eagerly decided it had to be perfect, and started on making a cake! 

Of course after his last attempt at baking a birthday cake, he didn't want to be alone in the kitchen- so he had Binghe join him. The kitchen was large enough for them to work on their own dishes without getting in each other’s way, and the best cook on Qing Jing was at hand whenever Shen Qingqiu had a question about the recipe.  

("Pinch of salt… that doesn't sound right. Binghe, does cake really need salt?"

"Yes, shizun! Salt enhances the flavour of other ingredients!"

"Huh… but, just a pinch wouldn't do anything, right…? Oh, the recipe must have meant to say a pint!")

Shen Jiu got food poisoning on his birthday. 

Wracked with guilt, he insisted Shen Jiu stay in bed to recover. It was much finer than a disciple’s mat, and would provide much more comfortable rest. 

"Shizun, I'm sick too!" Binghe wailed.

"No you're not," Shen Qingqiu answered without a glance. 

The heavenly demon, immune to nearly all maladies, sulked for a bit before he jumped to his feet and raced outside. Shen Qingqiu didn’t pay much mind, transferring qi to Shen Jiu. 

When Binghe returned, he was shivering, face completely red. “Shi-shizun, I’ve been-I’ve been outside for-” Binghe sniffled, “-for five hours, I should-should be sick now, right?” 

Luo Binghe… he really would die if Shen Qingqiu didn’t give him attention for a day, huh? Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Get in the bed.” 

Binghe excitedly threw himself under the covers while Shen Jiu scowled. That night, Shen Qingqiu tried to stay up using his cultivation. But Without A Cure always chose the most inconvenient times to act up, and he woke up at his desk, with his two disciples out of bed and instead cuddled into either side of him. 

Later, Shen Qingqiu realized Shen Jiu's birthday coincidentally happened to be the same day he'd brought the boy to Qing Jing a year ago. He doted on the boy for days after that, much to Binghe’s dismay. 

It was nearly summer when he walked into the bamboo house to find his two students arguing yet again . 

“Obviously, shizun is going to take me!” Binghe held a card over his head. 

The paper was out of Shen Jiu’s reach, who was trying to jump up and grab it. “In your dreams! Shizun is going to pick me!” 

Shen Qingqiu, who was taller than them both, easily took it out of Binghe’s hand. “What are you two fighting over now?” 

It was an invitation. Shen Qingqiu regretted asking when Binghe answered. 

“Shizun, tell Han Jiu you’re taking me to the Immortal Alliance Conference!” 

Chapter Text

For years, Shang Qinghua's days were fairly routine. Keep an acclaimed cultivation sect from falling apart, save a demon lord's life time and time again, commit treason against the entire human realm by acting as a spy, sneak glances at the future emperor of the world he'd created, etc, etc. What a boring life he'd got stuck with as head of logistics! 

After several decades in this world, he ran into Peerless Cucumber. His biggest hater had to spend his immortal afterlife in the novel he criticized everyday! Ha! This was Shen Qingqiu’s hell, which made it Shang Qinghua’s heaven. 

He’d severely underestimated the power of a raw hater. Shang Qinghua’s story had taken a complete nose-dive, to the point the stallion protagonist was writing RPF of the villain! 

The fan favourite heroine probably was too. Shang Qinghua was 90% sure he saw Liu Mingyan taking notes whenever the two were together. 

Shang Qinghua spent some time wallowing over his story going to shit. His son, his creation that he made himself, didn’t call him dad. No, Binghe had a mommy kink for the man who read porn for the plot .

Whenever Shang Qinghua felt resentment for his fellow transmigrator, he soothed himself by imagining Shen Qingqiu struggling and crying over the size of Binghe’s pillar.  

(Because Luo Binghe always got the wife he was after. That was one constant to this world that nothing could change.)

Shen Qingqiu liked to complain about his world building so much? Give it a few years, Shen Qingqiu would be begging for ‘stupid plants solely for papapa.’ Except there would be no Herb for Sweet Chrysanthemum's Prolapse!

So, Shang Qinghua regularly made his way over to Qing Jing’s bamboo house to see what the circus had in store for him. Today, he entered to find Shen Qingqiu on all fours, reaching for something under the tea table. 

“Just so you know-”

Shen Qingqiu’s head shot up in surprise, hitting the table. “Fuck!” 

When Cucumber-bro pulled his head out from underneath, rubbing his temple while glaring at him, he continued, “just so you know, you’re dressed like a whore.” 

“It’s my own damn house,” Shen Qingqiu hissed back. Despite his words, the thin faced man hurriedly threw on another layer… one that was almost completely translucent. Poor Luo Binghe… 

Something rustled under the table. “What-what is that?” 

Shen Qingqiu returned to his kneeling position. “Come here!” He snapped his fingers, cooing at whatever was hiding. “Come on!” There wasn’t much coaxing needed before a black shadow jumped out. 

The puppy looked up at the An Ding peak lord with wide eyes, so dark they nearly blended in with his coat. Shang Qinghua knew in an instant what was happening. 

Bingpup.  

One of his cuter chapters, a shy wife who married Binghe out of an arranged marriage couldn’t open up to him- but she loved animals. Seeing a sweet little puppy, she immediately took him in to clean him up, followed by multiple descriptions of soap on her breasts while they bathed together. 

The dog jumped into Shen Qingqiu’s lap, wagging his tail happily. “Did you clean him?” 

“Of course!” Shen Qingqiu huffed, but a smile stayed stubbornly on his face as he scratched behind Bingpup’s ear. “You were such a bad boy, getting this master all wet!” 

Good god… Binghe must be having the time of his life right now. He ran around Shen Qingqiu, crying out nonsense. 

That incessant fucking barking… it was definitely Luo Binghe. With every “yip, yip, yip!” he could practically hear “shizun, shizun, shizun!”  

“So, where did you find him?” Shang Qinghua asked casually. 

“He was just right outside, isn’t that weird?” Shen Qingqiu picked up the animated puppy and placed it into his lap. Bingpup stood on his hind legs, resting his front paws on Shen Qingqiu’s chest to lean up and lick his face. 

Shen Qingqiu… he… he laughed! Shang Qinghua's eyes bulged at the scene. Who knew the hateful Peerless Cucumber could actually feel joy? 

"So sticky," Shen Qingqiu nuzzled the puppy. "You're just like a certain disciple of mine… what's taking Binghe so long, anyway?" 

Cucumber-bro…! Your IQ…! 

"I won’t ask for your help in naming him,” Shen Qingqiu said haughtily. “You’d probably pick something stupid like… Midnight Canine’s Dark Fangs or something.” 

“That sounds badass, and you’re gonna act like you don’t like it because you’re dedicated to hating me?”

“I'll name you… Onyx." 

What the hell!? For all this man gave him shit for his writing, he picked the most basic ass name possible for a black dog!? How was that any better than naming a white dog Snowball, or an orange cat Ginger!? 

‘Onyx’ barked out happily. “Oh, you like that?” Shen Qingqiu grinned. “Onyx!” 

“ Arf, arf!”  

It was time for him to go before this got any weirder…

"Shizun, I'm back! And my flower is way bigger!" 

"If you shidi studied this herb," a voice hissed, causing Shang Qinghua to pause, "Han Jiu would know the size doesn't matter but the colour of petals!" 

Shang Qinghua's brain came to a stop when Luo Binghe entered the room with his Shen Jiu. Both boys yelled out happy “shizun!”s and made their way over. 

Before they could reach him, Shen Qingqiu scolded them, softly and fondly. “You two! Did this master raise such unfilial children, that they won’t even greet their shishu?” 

As if just noticing him also in the room, they turned and bowed, lazy without even a fraction of the energy they’d shown earlier. “Shishu.” 

Luo Binghe and Shen Jiu were both growing rapidly these days. Binghe had already grown taller than him, and Shen Jiu had filled out into a much more healthy state than when he’d first arrived at Cang Qiong.

Shen Qingqiu squawked. “Onyx! My sock!” 

The puppy ran away, one white sock in its mouth. 

Luo Binghe blushed, holding a hand to his lips like a scandalized young maiden. “Shizun’s bare feet…!” 

Binghe, what the fuck?

Wait, wait, wait… if Binghe was here, and so was Onyx… it really was just a normal dog the entire time!?

Shen Qingqiu scooped Onyx up again, grabbing the fabric from its mouth. “Did Luo Binghe and Han Jiu find what this master sent them out for?” 

“Yes,” Binghe answered with a furrowed brow. “But, shizun, what…”

Shen Qingqiu delicately took the bag from Binghe’s hand, dropping its contents into the teapot. “This flower is known as the Angel’s Voice Armour herb.” Shen Qingqiu shot a scowl his way. “It is commonly ground and gargled with water to prevent throat pains during certain activities , but if ingested, it will also minimise stomach upsets.” 

Oh yeah, the blowjob flower. “That doesn’t explain the dog,” Shang Qinghua said. 

"Yeah, what's with the dog," Shen Jiu added as well.

"This one is also curious about the dog," Binghe agreed. The way he was glaring at the small animal lounging on Shen Qingqiu's lap could only be described as hateful. 

“Why are you asking?” Shen Qingqiu whispered to Shang Qinghua. He cleared his throat. “This master found him wandering Qing Jing peak. Wouldn’t he make a nice pet?” 

There was a stuffy silence as Shen Qingqiu waited for the boys to be excited. Shang Qinghua coughed awkwardly. 

When Onyx once again licked at his new master’s face, the two disciples hunched their shoulders in indignation like offended birds with ruffled feathers. 

Shen Jiu spoke out first. “Shizun, you can’t keep him!” 

“Right!” Binghe continued. “Shizun, that could be some malicious demon pretending to be a dog!” 

Suddenly, Qinghua understood Shen Qingqiu’s obsession with fans. He’d give anything to be able to hide the second-hand embarrassment that was no doubt showing on his face. Binghe, who in the world were you to talk about dangerous demons…?

"This master is a peak lord, Binghe." Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. "I can handle a demon of this size." 

Bingpup, no, Onyx jumped out of Shen Qingqiu’s lap and ran out of the room. 

“Shizun!” Binghe was visibly panicking. “Shizun, actually, this Binghe is allergic to dogs!” 

Shang Qinghua cringed so hard he wanted to cry. How could his stallion protagonist become someone so stupid? Luo Binghe, in what world did a heavenly demon have allergies!?

Shen Qingqiu also needed a moment to recover. “I’m sure you aren’t,” he said slowly. “But if Binghe insists, we can have Mu Qingfang check to see if that will be a problem.” 

Unrelenting, Binghe continued. “Shizun, there’s-”

Onyx came trotting back inside, a rope in his mouth, and stopped expectantly in front of the peak lord. 

“Oh? You wanna go on a walk?” Onyx yipped and Shen Qingqiu smiled, taking the item out of its mouth. “You even brought a leash! What a good boy!” 

Shang Qinghua could hear Luo Binghe having a breakdown. “But… I’m shizun’s good boy…” 

Shen Jiu grit his teeth in envy when Shen Qingqiu patted the puppy’s head. “This master will get ready, and we can leave when I’m back, okay?” 

The second he exited the room, Shen Jiu was turning to Luo Binghe with disdain dripping in his voice. "The mutt has to go." 

“It licked shizun’s face .” Binghe was on the verge of tears. 

"So… we're in agreement." Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe nodded at each other and Shang Qinghua's head burst into pain. How fucked up beyond repair was the plot if the scum villain and the protagonist were working together? 

The younger boy stared at Shang Qinghua, who quickly put up his hands in surrender. “Not a word from this one! Haha, I didn’t see anything, or hear anything…” 

Shen Jiu nodded and whipped out a fan. It was very cute, honestly! Cucumber-bro had carried a fan everywhere to copy the original Shen Jiu, but now Shen Jiu wanted to be exactly like the peak lord who had saved him, and carried a fan to be like his shizun. 

His next course of action was… less cute. Using his fan, Shen Jiu smacked the tea set off the table and onto the floor. 

The clamour of breaking porcelain had Shen Qingqiu rushing in a second later. “Boys!” 

"Shizun, it was the dog!" Shen Jiu wailed. "He ruined the tea set the sect leader gifted you!" 

Ah… two birds with one stone. Such a young age, and Shen Jiu was already proving himself as Cang Qiong’s strategist. 

“Onyx, bad boy!” Shen Qingqiu scolded the innocent puppy with a hand on his hip. Onyx whimpered, and the man was coddling it again in a second. Picking up the black bundle of fluff in his arms, Shen Qingqiu scratched its ears before turning back to the boys. “Luo Binghe, Han Jiu, study on your own today. Clearly Onyx needs training.” 

The dog barked happily and licked at Shen Qingqiu’s nose, making him laugh again. The children, however, looked seconds away from falling apart. “But… but shizun,” Binghe whined, “shizun, shizun said he’d help this disciple with penmanship today…” 

“And what about our guqin lesson!?” Shen Jiu cried as well. 

Shen Qingqiu pressed a soft kiss to the top of the puppy’s head before gently placing him back onto the ground. The dumb dog chased after its own tail, and Shen Qingqiu answered his students, distracted. “Ask your shixiongs if you need help. Come, Onyx, it’s time for walkies!” 

No one moved until they heard the front door to the bamboo house close behind Shen Qingqiu and his new pet. Then Binghe fell to his knees with wet eyes. 

“Shizun was going to help with my penmanship today…” he lamented. “He was going to hold my hand in his and guide me gently…”

Shen Jiu pulled at Luo Binghe’s robe with all his strength. “Get up! This situation is worse than we thought!” 

Binghe melted into the carpet, part human, part demon, mostly tears. “Shizun… kissed that stray… shizun’s kisses… going to that animal… shizun… ” 

It was time for Shang Qinghua to take his leave. 

An Ding peak became the new hot spot for disciples ranting about their shizun's dog. 

Every fucking day it was something new with Luo Binghe. Shizun lets that dog sleep on his bed! Shizun lets it slobber all over his face! Shizun feeds it treats right out of his own hand!

‘I should be the one doing those things with shizun instead’ went unsaid, but it was obvious Binghe was madly envious. 

His stallion protagonist. Reduced to coveting the place of a dog. Shang Qinghua needed a few days to just lay around eating seeds to cope with his latest depressive episode before he could check his backlog of requests.  

One letter regarding a child kidnapped by a demon… Liu-shidi was out of the question. The man was great at killing monsters, but comforting kids was…

In the end, he decided to assign the task to Qing Jing. 

He arrived at the peak to find Luo Binghe training with his shizun. Did Shen Qingiqu have other students? Why were they always together?

Of course, they were all over each other. Shang Qinghua watched with apprehension as Shen Qingqiu ‘fixed Binghe’s stance’ by feeling him up. Binghe wasn’t even looking at his sword while they ‘practiced stances.’ 

“Binghe, both hands,” Shen Qingqiu chided, taking hold of Binghe’s free hand and placing on Zheng Yang’s hilt. “Fighting isn’t about aesthethics, hold your blade properly.” 

Luo Binghe practically had hearts floating around him. “Binghe is fortunate to have shizun here to correct this disciple’s sloppy form…” 

Before Shang Qinghua could flee, Shen Qingqiu had already spotted him. Luo Binghe whined in dismay when his teacher stepped away, turning to give Qinghua an angry glower for the interruption. 

“Uh, mission…” Shang Qinghua said weakly as he held out his report. 

“Missing child, tempted away by a wicked-” Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat instead of finishing the summary, and tucked the scroll away. “Let’s leave after dinner.”

“Oh, shizun, this silly disciple forgot,” Binghe said sweetly. “Actually, the merchants Qing Jing orders from all said they could no longer supply dog food. It’s a shame, but I don’t think-” Binghe spat out the name with vehemence- “ Onyx will be able to stay.” 

Ah, how convenient. For Binghe. What was convenient for Binghe always just so happened to be Shang Qinghua’s nightmare! Damnit, Binghe, now it was up to him to soothe a bunch of vendors that Binghe no doubt harassed! 

Shang Qinghua felt a headache coming on at the thought. He couldn’t just visit the sellers one by one, no, they all had to gather at the same market! Now he’d have twenty people at once yelling at him about some brat that threatened them over fucking dog food! 

“No food for Onyx?” Shen Qingqiu repeated. He hummed thoughtfully, then gave Binghe a reassuring smile. “Luckily, the head of logistics is here, no? Your Shang-shishu will figure out a way.” 

Both the transmigrator and the protagonist looked to him. 

If he were to say he could have it delivered to Qing Jing regularly, he’d lose favour with Binghe. But if he were to say no, his bro would never let him hear the end of it! Truly, stuck between a rock and a hard pillar. 

“I’ll see if it’s manageable,” Shang Qinghua supplied weakly. The two in front of him weren’t quite appeased, but let the matter be. 

Binghe pranced over to his teacher's side, sheathing his sword and patting his hands clean against his pants. “Then this one will also prepare snacks for the road-” 

“No need,” Shen Qingqiu interrupted. “You may dine alone. Your shishu and I will find a meal in town, along with some food for Onyx.” 

Realization dawned on him like a punch to the stomach. Oh, no. No, no, no, Cucumber-bro, please don’t-

“Shizun is taking the dog.” Binghe’s eyes looked nearly hollow. “And leaving this disciple behind.” 

Shang Qinghua was extremely scared. “Uh, bro-” 

“He needs to eat, and Binghe said a few days ago he does not like sharing a carriage with animals. This master won’t trouble you.” Shen Qingqiu took out Xiu Ya and hopped on. “I’ll get Onyx and meet you out front. Binghe, continue practice- ensure your form is perfect by next week.” 

When the peak lord took off, Binghe was crying. Again . 

Between his sniffles, the protagonist sobbed, “I hate that dog so much.” 

The Gong family basically repeated what the report had already informed them. The child, Gong Meilin, was six years old when she first began to spend concerning amounts of time away from her friends and family. No one paid her mind until a month ago, when it was revealed she had spent the last two years sneaking out to meet with a demon . After multiple townspeople, including her parents, had warned her against ever going near something so dangerous, she’d run off for good and failed to return. 

The mother and father were in tears as they neared the end of their story. Shen Qingqiu, usually the first to jump in and give reassuring words, was strangely detached, leaving Shang Qinghua to bumble through words of comfort and promises of doing their best. 

Though the Gongs were only farmers, they had a strong reputation for their produce and could afford a home where Meilin had her own bedroom. Shen Qingqiu stared at the young girl’s bed, lost in thought while Onyx curiously studied his surroundings. 

“Bro.” Shang Qinghua snapped his fingers in front of Shen Qingqiu’s face. “What’s going on with you?” 

Shen Qingqiu blinked, and quickly opened his fan with an elegant flourish. “It’s called thinking. Try it sometime.” 

“And what has this great immortal master thought up today?” 

Shen Qingqiu glanced around the room, like he was seeing it for the first time now. He opened the girl’s wardrobe, took out a winter scarf and kneeled down on knee, holding the cloth in front of the dog. “Come on, boy!” He swung the scarf in front of Onyx's nose. “Track her scent!”

Onyx sniffed at the garment thoroughly. Then he flopped onto his back, wagging his tail as he waited for belly rubs. 

“Your dog is fucking useless-ow!” While Shang Qinghua rubbed at the newest grievance received from his shixiong, Shen Qingqiu was staring down at Onyx once again, lost in thought. “What the fuck is your deal today?” 

“We’re going about this the wrong way,” Shen Qingqiu ignored him. “We don’t need to look for the girl , we need to look for her supposed kidnapper.” 

Ah, that was true. The two cultivators stepped onto their swords, flying over the surrounding area, honing in on any demonic energy they could find. By ‘flying’ he meant more like gliding, honestly. Shen Qingqiu refused to go too high or too fast at the risk of endangering his dear puppy. Yes, he brought the dog along! 

During two hours of slow cruising, Shang Qinghua debated with himself, wondering if asking about Cucumber-bro’s weird fear of letting go of his dog was worth another beating. It was sunset before they detected the smallest signal of what they were looking for. Onyx gave a startled yip when they plunged down into a thickly wooded forest. 

“This way,” Shen Qingqiu ordered curtly. Even Onyx picked up on his owner’s bad mood and stayed completely silent. Soon, they didn’t need to follow the demonic energy they could feel growing stronger by the second- they could hear people. One voice that sounded like a woman, and another of a young girl’s. 

Gong Meilin looked exactly like her father- her face was even wet with snot and tears, like the family waiting for her back home. She was hugging a tree- no, it was- “What the fuck,” Shen Qingqiu growled beside him. 

The ‘tree’ in front of them was actually a woman with wooden skin, and, uh, a total of three leaves covering her body. He didn’t need to say where each leaf was. Shang Qinghua pulled his biggest hater behind a bush before the man could start ranting and give them away. 

“Li-jie, Li-jie, I really can’t go back?” Meilin sobbed. 

“No, my child. You saw how they wished to separate us.” ‘Li-jie’ caressed the girl’s messy hair, her fingers green in comparison to the rest of her brown body, like roots spreading out of her hand. “Now that you have defied them for a demon’s sake, they will not rest at killing me- they will kill you as well.” 

Some vague memory twitched in the back of his mind, but Shang Qinghua couldn’t quite grasp it. The demon may have been a plot point in PIDW, but come on! It had been decades since he transmigrated! 

“Mama and baba would kill me?” Meilin whispered. 

Li-jie nodded morosely. “The prejudices humans hold against demons are even stronger than the love they have for their own children.” One of her fingers wiped away a tear. “Don’t cry, my child, eat my fruit.” 

That line! That was it! “The brain tree!” Shang Qinghua whispered. 

“Brain tree?” 

“I scrapped the idea before I came up with an actual name, okay?” Shang Qinghua shifted his legs behind their hiding spot, his knees already getting tired against the hard dirt. “The demon lures away children from their families, feeds them lies about how the only place safe is with her, and waits until they grow older to harvest their brain.” 

“...what?”

“Twenty-five would be the ideal age, but most kids figure out something is wrong before that, and get killed by her around fifteen-ish.” 

“Let me guess, she picks kids instead of adults so they can grow eating her fruit and have perfect brains for harvesting.” 

“Yeah, I went with the plot of Promised Neverland, except the exact opposite in age.”

“I fucking knew it!” Shen Qingqiu hissed. “I was just about to say so!” 

“Okay, but I made it different enough!” Shang Qinghua defended himself. “The series made no sense by the way. Why would younger brains be better, that’s like saying a small chicken tastes better than a big chicken. They’re both chickens, you’re just getting a smaller portion!” 

“I guess it would be like not liking chickens but liking eggs?” 

“No, because that would be a fetus! Would the demons eat fetus brains?” 

“I’m not-” Shen Qingqiu sighed in frustration. “I’m not debating how to eat children’s brains with you!” 

“We have intruders,” the demon stated. Shang Qinghua’s skin broke out into goosebumps. Before he could pretend to pass out and let Shen Qingqiu do everything, his bro placed Onyx into his arms and stood, walking into the demon’s view. 

“No, you can’t hurt her!” Meilin grabbed onto the tree branch that was the woman’s arm, where a suspiciously red apple was hanging from her elbow. “Please, she’s just trying to protect me!” 

“Your mother and father asked us to save you. No one wants you dead.” Shen Qingqiu unsheathed Xiu Ya with a small gesture from his hand, pointing it at the demon. “Return the child if you truly care for her wellbeing.” 

The kid stared at the demon and the cultivator, glancing back and forth with indecision. Tension was thick in the small clearing, the tree-woman debating whether her meal was worth a fight. She had put in the last two years preparing Meilin to be her victim, after all. 

Onyx barked, the sound ringing out and breaking the stalemate. The demon’s fingers grew into sharp claws, pointed right at Gong Meilin’s head, and extended out. Shen Qingqiu sent Xiu Ya forward, not at the demon, but at the girl as well. She shrieked as the sword pierced her ragged robe, catching the fabric on its hilt and pulling her back along with the weapon, until her clothes had been pinned to a tree by Shen Qingqiu. 

Gong Meilin opened fearful eyes to see the demon’s roots embedded deep into the soil, right where she had formerly been standing. Barely eight years old, and the betrayal in her eyes was painful to witness. “You- Li-jie, you… were you going to…?” 

“Shut up,” the woman answered in a honeyed voice, and pulled her claws back. In typical low-IQ villain fashion, she began her monologue. “For two years, I’ve had to listen to your mindless whining! Did you truly think I enjoyed your imbecilic gossip about the other children, meimei ?” She readied her hand again to strike. “Don’t bother resisting, fire cannot burn me, no sword can impale this wooden skin-”

Xiu Ya flew into the apple hanging off her arm. The demon screamed. 

“How!? How did you figure out my one weakness!?” 

Cucumber-bro pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as the wailing demon became nothing but some shapely wood and rotten fruit. “It’s an apple," Shen Qingqiu muttered under his breath. “It’s a red circle, your weakness is literally a target, Airplane is so stupid…”

Hey! 

Onyx was squirming to be let go, so Shang Qinghua released him from his arms. The puppy made a beeline for Shen Qingqiu, only to whine in disappointment when it was ignored. The Qing Jing peak lord instead placed a careful hand on Gong Meilin’s shoulder. “Everyone will be happy to see you back safe and sound.” 

Gong Meilin didn’t say anything. Onyx tilted his head, assessing the young girl, before jumping on her. At least, that startled her out of her trance. When the puppy licked at her face, she actually yelled out, “what the-!” 

She gaped at the dog in her arms, one small thing trying to cheer up another. Her lips thinned and shook, and soon she was bawling her eyes out as she clung to the animal. Onyx was surprisingly patient throughout the ordeal, letting her bury her wet face into his fur. 

Shen Qingqiu just watched the scene in a daze. Shang Qinghua grabbed his arm, pulling the other cultivator away. “Come on, give her a moment.” 

Thankfully, the moon was out and bright to illuminate their way back. The girl was stuck to Shen Qingqiu’s pet like Onyx was her support animal- though, honestly, after the trauma she’d just been through, a support animal would be a good choice. 

They’d agreed walking through the forest would be less overwhelming for Meilin than flying. It took substantially longer, but also gave the girl time to calm down. Shang Qinghua’s legs felt like lead, and he could have cried from joy when they finally saw the first acre of the Gongs’ farmland. 

“How will I say sorry to my mom and dad?” Meilin whispered. 

“Stay with them,” Shen Qingqiu answered. “Don’t make them worry about you by leaving again. That’s how.” 

She paused her steps, looking at her house a few yards away. “Sir cultivator, can I ask you something?” When Shen Qingqiu hummed his approval, Meilin's voice was breathy, like she was holding back tears. “Are all demons bad?” 

Shang Qinghua felt his chest ache. If he’d known he’d transmigrate into his novel, he wouldn’t have written a world that was so… sad. Shang Qinghua waited for Shen Qingqiu to go into his usual spiel about how certain demons were necessary to the ecosystem, or how they could be good, or about symbiotic relationships, or any number of things he regularly lectured his students on. 

Instead Shen Qingqiu’s voice was just… defeated. "All demons are cruel and dangerous. Stay far away from them." 

Gong Meilin held Onyx closer against herself and nodded, sniffling as she continued walking. 

Shang Qinghua slowed his step, falling in line with the other man. A cultivator’s hearing meant he could speak low enough for them to hear each other without Meilin listening in. 

“Bro, how could you say that?” Shang Qinghua whispered. “Poor Bingy would cry tears of blood if he heard you!” 

"What do you want me to say? That some demons are fine, so she can wander into caves trying to make friends with them again?" Shen Qingqiu hissed back. "The scum villain's reputation is bad enough, you want me to cause an eight year old's mauling?" 

He knew that was the smart thing to do, but… why do you look so sad then, Cucumber-bro?

As if he could say that. Shen Qingqiu would actually kill him. 

Meilin set Onyx down, finally after hours of holding onto him like a lifeline, and her hand shook as she knocked on the door. There was a moment of silence, then light visible through the window. The door opened, and Meilin’s mother’s eyes went wide at the sight. 

“Mama-”

“Meilin!” The woman threw herself at her daughter, wrapping her in her embrace. “My baby, you’re home!” 

Shang Qinghua’s entire body ached, and he was sleepy, and hungry. But as he watched Meilin’s father stumble out and start crying with his family, he felt like it wasn’t so bad to be a cultivator. 

Of course, the Gong family refused to let them go without thanks. Once things had settled down, they sat in the dining room, nursing cups of tea while Shang Qinghua informed them what happened. 

It was the dead of night, but the house was lively, Meilin chasing Onyx around when he ran off with something in his mouth. “She’d been so sad all this time.” Meilin’s mother shook her head. “We had no idea someone had been manipulating her into thinking she was alone.” Her eyes sparkled with joy. “It’s good to see her smile again.” 

“Shang Qinghua,” Shen Qingqiu said. “Go get us a carriage.” 

“You must stay the night!” Mr. Gong stated. 

“Yeah, it’s like… three in the morning, I don’t think we’re gonna find a carriage at this-”

“Go get a carriage,” Shen Qingqiu ordered. The chill in his tone was colder than some of Mobei-Jun’s attacks! Shang Qinghua said his goodbyes to the Gongs and rushed out. 

The driver Shang Qinghua had found was not happy to be awoken at this hour. He was placated quickly, however, when Shang Qinghua promised to pay three times the cost of a normal trip to Cang Qiong. 

He rode back to the Gongs’ farm, the family already in the doorway begging Shen Qingqiu to stay as he said his farewells. Shen Qingqiu climbed into the carriage without a word, staring at the wall like some unimpressed diva. 

Any attempts at conversation were met with one word replies. He didn’t care if Shen Qingqiu was having an off day, but it was so quiet, Shang Qinghua was going to go out of his mind! 

Wait, quiet? That’s right, it shouldn’t be quiet. Shang Qinghua’s tired brain finally put it together, and he looked around the carriage. “Dude, you forgot Onyx!” 

Shen Qingqiu didn’t say anything, continuing to stare at the wall like it had personally offended him instead of demanding the carriage be stopped. 

That’s right, how could he ‘forget’ Onyx? The two of them were inseparable. “Did you… leave him with Meilin?” 

"Shut up," he finally snapped back, "it doesn't matter." 

The two fell back into silence. Shang Qinghua tried to wrap his head around Shen Qingqiu, grade A asshole and hater, doing something so nice. But that wasn’t a surprise at all. Shen Qingqiu always managed to be both the worst and best person he knew.

Shen Qingqiu was lazy, making Luo Binghe do every little chore, from bathing him to dressing him. Shen Qingqiu was an incredibly hard worker, memorizing every little fact about this world to live up to his reputation as an immortal scholar. 

Shen Qingqiu was selfish, ready to push his dear disciple into the Endless Abyss to save his own life. Shen Qingqiu was selfless, jumping in front of the same disciple to take a poison on Binghe’s behalf, one that Binghe was even immune to. 

Shen Qingqiu was his biggest hater, calling him a hack all the way into his afterlife! Peerless Cucumber was his biggest supporter, paying for all his chapters and urging him to follow his vision instead of selling out. 

Shen Qingqu was a spoiled brat, and lived his previous life born with a silver spoon in his mouth, doted on by his loving family. Shen Qingqiu's first life was extremely unfortunate, and severe illness prevented him from living a full life until he died far too young. 

Under the facade of a put-together peak lord was utter chaos, mismatched and contradictory. Trying to understand him was a lost cause. Sometimes, Shang Qinghua understood the obsession Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge had with him- but instead of being horny he just wanted to, like, study Shen Qingqiu under a microscope like he was a bug.

Shang Qinghua watched the scenery roll by through the half-curtained window. It was after at least an hour that his companion finally spoke again. “The dog resembled Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu mumbled. 

Shang Qinghua’s eyes bulged at the admission. Holy shit! An ounce of awareness from the Peerless Cucumber!? 

"This master…" Shen Qingqiu started, then remembering who was with him, faltered back into their informal modern speech. "I mean, I…" 

Shang Qinghua waited until the man bowed his head to stare at his lap almost shyly. 

"The conference is only two weeks away," Shen Qingqiu said. "I thought I would- I thought Ning Yingying would miss Binghe less with the dog on the peak." 

Then… this whole time, that refusal to let go of Onyx-

Of course someone like Shen Qingqiu couldn't stay vulnerable for long. The Qing Jing peak lord slapped his fan on Shang Qinghua's arm. 

"Why the hell did you have to make the protagonist so smart, ah!? This morning Binghe was crying about 'why does shizun need that dog when this disciple is here…' If he can already figure that out, at this rate he’ll find out everything about the conference!" 

After a brief moment of comprehension, he was back to his misunderstandings so quickly… 

Oh, Cucumber-bro, you really were just as hopeless as your student. 

Ning Yingying's reaction to the news was not what he was expecting. "Who?" 

"Onyx," Shen Qingqiu repeated. "The dog…?"

"Oh, is that what its name was?" She tied off the bow on her bun, starting on putting up the other side of her hair. "He was cute, but it's okay! Shizun gave him a good home, right? I didn't see him much anyway." 

Shen Qingqiu was a bit glum as he walked back to the bamboo house. Ning Yingying, how could you look at Bingpup and not feel moved to tears? 

Soon enough, Luo Binghe would be declared 'dead' at the Immortal Alliance Conference, and Shen Qingqiu would have to listen to the girl's endless crying. Onyx had really been his back up plan, to give the girl something similar so she wouldn't miss him so much!

Ah, Shen Qingqiu wished he still had his Binghe plush… to give to Yingying. Really, his poor heart would suffer endlessly without Binghe on the peak… to keep Yingying from wailing. He was an old man! He got headaches easily now! It would hurt when she'd start bawling about A-Luo. And this time Binghe wouldn't be there to pamper and comfort… Yingying. 

Shen Qingqiu closed the door behind him with a sigh, and his two disciples were immediately at his beck and call. “Shizun, you came home so late last night!” Binghe exclaimed as he took his teacher’s coat. 

“And what happened with the dog food situation?” Shen Jiu questioned. “The dog can’t stay, right? Or did shizun fix that?” 

“About that,” Shen Qingqiu began gently. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but… Onyx won’t be on Qing Jing anymore. It was the best course of action-” 

“Oh, shizun!” Binghe wailed. He threw himself into Shen Qingqiu’s arms before he could even finish explaining. “I’m so sad, please comfort me!” 

“Wha-!?” Shen Jiu gasped, then began to sob. “Shizun, I’m even more sad!” He clung to Shen Qingqiu’s robe and said, “Please, shizun! Let me sleep with you tonight, or I won’t be able to stop crying!” 

Shen Qingqiu was shocked- he had actually started to think the boys hated Onyx, the way they avoided the puppy. He'd completely misread his students! Shen Qingqiu quickly scooped the two children into his arms. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea… we can get another dog-”

“NO!” The two of them yelled at once. 

An awkward silence rang out through the room. 

“Because…” Shen Jiu wiped at his face with a sleeve. “Onyx is irreplaceable, no other pet will do…” 

Shen Qingqiu’s heart melted. These poor boys! Shen Qingqiu himself had never had a pet as a child- they carried all kinds of things on them, and his doctors found his health too fragile to risk an animal living in close quarters. He could only imagine the pain these kids were going through. “How about we all visit him this weekend, then?”

"Shizun, just forget about the dog already!" Shen Jiu ordered. 

Forget??? Wasn't he just threatening to cry all night over the dog in question??? Shen Qingqiu would never understand this generation.

“What Han-shidi means,” Luo Binghe cut in, “is that all we can do is move forward.” He glanced at Shen Qingqiu. “But we are still very sad.”

He gave them both confused headpats. “Come, let’s have tea.” 

Shen Jiu, still a child, couldn’t stay up nearly as late as his shizun or shixiong. Shen Qingqiu carefully tucked him into bed before slipping back into his own room, where Binghe was waiting with a pot of tea. It had become somewhat of a tradition for them to linger after dinner and just talk. 

“Shizun should have Han Jiu sent to bed earlier so he doesn’t have to strain himself,” Binghe pouted. 

Shen Qingqiu lightly smacked the boy with his fan before taking a seat. “In what world is carrying someone so small a strain for this master, ah?” Binghe rested his face in his hand, elbow propped up on the table. Shen Qingqiu was unabashedly being stared at, and felt his cheeks heat. “What is it?” 

“Nothing,” Binghe answered with a soft smile. “This disciple simply wants to enjoy being with shizun.” 

A guilty pang shot through Shen Qingqiu’s heart. It was time to say it. “Let this master ask Binghe an important question.” 

Binghe straightened up into a proper seated position. “Of course, shizun.” 

For some reason, he could feel everything around him much stronger than normal. The tea cup in his hand felt too hot, the incense smelled too thick, his robes too heavy. He set his drink down. 

“Do you want to become stronger? Stronger until you are without rival, until no one beneath the heavens dare challenge you?” Shen Qingqiu asked. “Even if in order to achieve that, you had to suffer through pain, torment, and countless tribulations?”

The protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way strived for greatness, and clung on to any path towards it fiercely. That was why no amount of beatings from the original goods had managed to scare the boy off the peak, and why he’d managed to emerge from the Abyss. Binghe was someone who wanted power, and would do anything for it. 

It was hardly even a question. Shen Qingqiu knew Luo Binghe. He knew Binghe would say yes. He just… needed to hear it. 

As expected, Luo Binghe had an answer ready immediately. 

In another life, Binghe answered, ‘Yes! Binghe does not fear suffering and tribulations, I only wish to be strong enough to protect the people and things important to me!’

In this life, Binghe had his Shang-shishu’s teachings. And Shang Qinghua had taught him this: There's one way to get any guy! Be submissive! Make him feel like a man!  

“No!” Luo Binghe chirped out happily. “Binghe has zero interest in anything like that! Would shizun like more tea?” 

Despite his heightened senses, everything felt deathly quiet. His disciple waited patiently with a smile on his face for his shizun to accept his answer. 

Shen Qingqiu felt like he’d been pushed into a freezing lake, like all the blood in his body was rushing to his brain to make sense of this. Lightheaded, he said, “what do you mean you… have- you have no interest.”

"Why would this disciple need to be strong, anyway?” Binghe moved to his side of the table, cuddling into Shen Qingqiu’s arm as he looked up bashfully through his lashes. "This Binghe is so fortunate to have a big , capable immortal master protecting him…" 

Shen Qingqiu choked. “ What? ” 

Binghe’s demure attitude turned more concerned. “Shizun, are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Shen Qingqiu shook his disciple off. “Why would you say… don’t you want to be powerful one day?” For weeks, he’d been reminding himself that the abyss was something Binghe wanted. He wanted Xin Mo! He wanted to be emperor! He wanted to be second to none! Had Shen Qingqiu coddled him to the point the protagonist had lost all reason? “Of course this master will protect you,” he continued, “but Binghe still needs to be strong for himself!” When his student gave Shen Qingqiu an unconvinced look, he continued, “how will you ever get a wife if you can’t protect her?” 

Binghe’s brow twitched in agitation. “Shizun, I believe I’ve made my stance on that quite clear.” 

No, he really hadn’t! Saying he had no interest in women one moment, then gushing over Liu Mingyan the next! 

“Is it so wrong,” Binghe cried out, “if I only want to serve shizun?” 

“Yes!” Shen Qingqiu insisted, “Binghe doesn’t know what he’s talking about. One day you’ll leave this peak and-” 

“Hmph! Shizun asked a question, and this one answered!” Binghe interrupted with a huff. “I’m starting to think shizun just wants to get rid of me!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s anxiety was only apparent for a fraction of a second. Of course, that wouldn’t escape the protagonist. 

Any trace of frustration or amusement melted away from his disciple’s face in an instant. “Shizun… wants to get rid of me…?” 

Ah… ahaha… fuck.

Binghe looked terrified . Any casual camaraderie they’d established before vanished, and Binghe was immediately kowtowing in front of Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun, please forgive this disciple!”  

“Get up!” Shen Qingqiu ordered in a panic. “There’s nothing to forgive Binghe for!” 

When his student finally lifted his head, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but feel it was unfair that the protagonist could look so beautiful while crying. 

“Why?” Tears were falling down his devastated face. “Shizun, what did I do wrong?”  

“Nothing! Binghe did nothing wrong-”

“Then why!” Luo Binghe, future emperor of the combined realms, was on his knees in front of Shen Qingqiu. The boy held onto his teacher’s robe with trembling hands, looking up with wide, wet eyes that sent a dagger through Shen Qingqiu’s heart. “Shizun, whatever it was, please, forgive this disciple! I won’t do it again, I swear!” 

“It’s not like that…”

“Shizun, please don’t throw me away,” Binghe begged. He’d grown so tall since Shen Qingqiu had first met him, but now, with his shaking shoulders, he looked so tiny. “Shizun, please, I’ll do anything.” His voice cracked as his fist tightened. “Please, shizun doesn’t have to love me- or- or even care about me, but… shizun is all- all that I have, so please, at least let me stay as your disciple…?”

Binghe’s pitiful eyes waited for Shen Qingqiu. “I…” 

[Luo Binghe must enter the Endless Abyss.]

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t even bear to look at Binghe’s face as he said it. “I can’t promise you that.” 

He closed his eyes, staying in character as the aloof and unaffected peak lord while Binghe slowly pulled away. He only let himself exhale the breath he was holding when Binghe’s heavy footsteps ran out the bamboo house, roughly slamming the door behind him like a dramatic little maiden. 

Shen Qingqiu’s heart hurt a bit at the thought of his dramatic little maiden fighting for his life in the abyss. 

[A new point value has been activated! +500 heartbreak points!]

What the fuck was this!? Heartbreak!? 

Shen Qingqiu pulled at his hair in stress. If only he could explain to Binghe he was doing this for his own sake! Who would give up adventure, triumph, riches, power, and women just to stay on Qing Jing?

Sure, Shen Qingqiu himself would. But that was why he wasn’t the protagonist! 

As if anyone would read a web novel with him as the main character. A story about a lazy transmigrator with zero ambitions? Ha, he’d probably die in the first chapter! 

[If Luo Binghe fails to complete the “Endless Abyss” scenario, ten thousand satisfaction points will be deducted.]

A quick check showed him he currently had six thousand points. If accumulating that took two years, how could he ever scrounge together four thousand points in two weeks?

That’s right, he had to push Binghe into the Abyss. 

Even if he had enough points to prevent the Abyss arc, what if Luo Binghe ran into someone like Madame Meiyin in the future? If he asked to hear about his love fortune and she said, “Binghe, actually, you were meant to have a harem of hundreds of beauties, but your shizun prevented that fate!” Shen Qingqiu shivered. Oh, he’d be lucky to end up as a human stick in that scenario. 

That’s right, why was he stressing over this? It wasn’t like he had a choice in the matter. 

So there was no reason to worry. He could sit around all night working himself into a qi-deviation over this, but it was out of his reach either way! There was no way for him to suddenly get thousands of points. 

[…]

[Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! Important things must be said three times! Host has unlocked optional side quest! Completion will reward 4,000 points-]  

“Shut up!” Shen Qingqiu roared out loud. “Just shut up! I swear you only ever show up to make things worse!” 

[...host is discouraged from verbally abusing the system-]

“Go die!”

[Host is discouraged from suicide baiting the system-]

Shen Qingqiu threw his fan at the screen. It passed through and landed on his bed. 

He knelt on the ground holding his head in his hands. 

[Host seems distressed.]

“Didn’t I tell you to die?” 

[Host should be aware there is a time limit for accepting quest.]

“Tell me about the side quest,” he huffed. 

[Host may choose to hear quest details. Host should be aware, quest must be accepted in 10 seconds or it will expire.] 

See, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t even phased by this. Fuck it. Might as well get blackmailed into doing this by the system. Whatever. 

Shen Qingqiu hit the accept button without another thought. 

[Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!] 

[Activating the Lowly Disciple’s Self Insert Fanfic System…]

Shen Qingqiu's head was swimming when he opened his eyes. He was in a bed, all out of sorts and confused. He felt a pang of nostalgia, like he’d transmigrated again. 

“Master? Are you awake?” 

Shen Qingqiu blinked his tired eyes to see Luo Binghe at his side. The immense relief of seeing Binghe’s smiling face again only lasted for a few seconds. Because his student was. Wearing. A fucking. Maid outfit. Again. “Binghe!” 

The protagonist, in all his glory, stood from his chair, showing off just how ridiculously short the skirt was. “Master!” Binghe’s eyes widened, a delighted grin lighting up his face as Shen Qingqiu sat up. “Master Shen remembers this lowly servant’s name?” 

Master Shen? Lowly servant? “What… why are you talking like this?” Now that he was more awake, he could tell this wasn’t the bamboo house- the simple and elegant furniture had been replaced with a theme more gaudy and expensive. It truly looked like a period drama set in an emperor’s palace. 

Binghe pouted and leaned forward. "Is this one's speech still unbefitting to serve Master Shen? This servitor will happily accept any punishment…" 

Shen Qingqiu had told Binghe countless times, he was not a servant! Sure he liked Binghe's food (who wouldn't?) and no one else could get bloodstains out of his clothes so efficiently, but he was his disciple first and foremost! "Luo Binghe, you are a student of Qing Jing! Behave yourself!" 

"This one has not been a student for some time… doesn't my lord remember?" Binghe climbed onto the bed, inching closer on all fours with stars in his eyes. Smiling bashfully in the dress, he looked every bit the cute, submissive maid. "Master Shen is so generous and kind, he benevolently allowed Cang Qiong to pay off their debts by buying me!" 

Chapter Text

If the vaguely rectangular shape of light brown was the bench near the training grounds, then the shiny blob of grey must have been the garden’s pond. With his vision completely blurred by tears, this was the only way Luo Binghe could make his way. 

Everytime he wiped at his eyes to chase away the wetness, he’d hear shizun deny, ‘I can’t promise you that,’ and burst into another round of sobbing. Binghe shivered when another harsh current of wind swept over him- a high mountain peak was not a place to wander around at this time of night. 

“Where are you going?” Meng Mo asked. “You just ran out of your own house.”  

“I don’t know,” he answered, though he’d already unconsciously arrived at his old accommodations. The woodshed was full of actual wood now, used for its intended purpose, and there wasn’t any room for Binghe to squeeze in. He sighed and closed the door, and rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm his freezing fingers. 

Why didn’t shizun want him anymore? They’d been getting along just fine… at least Binghe thought so. What could it have been? He knew for sure shizun liked him. Someone didn’t just take Without A Cure to protect someone they didn’t care about! He only needed to figure out what he’d done wrong and fix it, and surely…

“No student of mine can be this pathetic.”

“Not now,” Binghe responded. “I'm not in the mood.” 

Meng Mo thankfully didn't speak any further, letting him wallow in silence. Luo Binghe sat down on the damp grass and wiped away the last of his tears. 

How long had it been since he'd last been here? All alone outside the shed, shaking from the cold, and crying while he desperately tried to understand why Shen Qingqiu didn't want him- this had been the norm for years. He'd been so happy living with shizun, he'd forgotten what it was like. 

“Something is wrong,” Meng Mo said. 

Luo Binghe laughed bitterly into the night. “I'm aware.” 

“This isn’t about your shizun,” the dream demon continued. “Something is trying to get to you.”  

Binghe pressed the palms of his cold hands against his eyelids, trying to soothe the throbbing aches. 

The last thing he heard was, “prepare yourself.” 

The moment Meng Mo fell quiet, so did the rest of Binghe's surroundings. Qing Jing's harsh winds had never been this agreeable- the woodshed’s walls were incredibly thin, so Binghe knew from experience even the tamest nights on a mountain peak were loud enough to drive one mad. 

Binghe slowly opened his eyes, and then fell flat onto his back in shock. 

Where was he!? Underneath him was a rich velvet carpet, trailing all the way down a corridor. Though tall glass panes let moonlight into the vast hallway, the high ceiling had lavish candle chandeliers hanging from them. Binghe scrambled to his feet, looking outside the window to see miles and miles of greenery. Wherever he'd been teleported to, the building was completely cut off from the rest of the world. 

Was… this a dream? What was the last thing Meng Mo had said? Prepare yourself.

Binghe fumed. “I told you, I’m not in the mood!” Yet, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape the dreamscape. He was left with no choice but to stomp around his new environment, frustrated not only with Meng Mo, but his own powerlessness.

The place was enormous- every few steps, there was a new door in this seemingly never-ending palace. Binghe threw one open and froze in place. It was a tearoom of sorts, furnished with gorgeous and luxurious furniture. The tea set on the table had been painted with lovely art, but that wasn’t what caught his eye. He ignored all of it, moving to the back wall.

There, it was shizun. More specifically, a portrait of shizun, one that Binghe had imagined up a long time ago. Shen Qingqiu looked back with a cold, unimpressed expression, wearing the regalest fabrics and crown. Underneath the painting’s frame, a plaque read: ‘Our most esteemed Master Shen.’

“This is…!” He remembered telling Meng Mo about this story. The one where shizun was his lord, and used Binghe for his pleasure, in various ways. Of course, while this fantasy version of Shen Qingqiu was created to fulfil Binghe’s more masochistic daydreams, shizun had to stay in character! So even after he forced himself onto his student his servant, shizun always cuddled him afterwards, shy and gentle, because that’s how shizun was…

Meng Mo had gagged in disgust whenever Luo Binghe read his writing to him, or tried to recreate it in his dreams. So why was he here now?

There was no way… was this Meng Mo’s way of cheering him up?

Excitement filled Binghe, and he bound out of the room, running around in search of the servant’s quarters. Just like he expected, he opened a wardrobe to find countless crisp, white uniforms. Unlike the dress Shang-shishu had given him so long ago, this one exposed even more of his body. Though his body was still much leaner than he’d have liked, the muscle of his chest practically spilled over the tight and low neckline. Binghe blushed a little as he pulled down at the skirt barely covering his underlegs.

But wait. He’d yet to see the most important part of this dream!

Just like he’d written, there was no one else present at the palace. All duties related to housekeeping were Luo Binghe’s responsibility, and no one, no one , stole shizun’s attention away from him. There were no obstacles when he pushed open the large ornate bedroom doors belonging to ‘Master Shen’ and entered.

Binghe’s heart jumped at the sight of shizun in bed, resting so peacefully and still it was like he was a beautiful doll. He stepped closer and whispered, “shizun?”

No, ‘shizun’ wasn’t right. If he had the opportunity to live out this fantasy, then he had to do it properly!

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitched at the sound, and Binghe was quickly at his bedside. “Master? Are you awake?”

True to the persona of a sadistic and dominant noble, the second he was lucid, Shen Qingqiu immediately looked furious at the sight of him. “Binghe!”

Luo Binghe’s heart was pounting so frantically, he was nearly too delirious with joy to keep up with their conversation. 

“Luo Binghe, you are a student of Qing Jing! Behave yourself!”

Binghe frowned. No, that wasn’t how the story went. But he could recall, Meng Mo hated listening to his daydreams, and often tried to escape when Binghe rambled about the specifics.

It could be forgiven if the dream couldn’t be completely accurate to his vision. Binghe could fix it now, by telling the dream demon the details as they went along! “Doesn’t my lord remember?” Binghe inched closer to his lord, gently recalling the plot. “Master Shen is so generous and kind, he benevolently allowed Cang Qiong to pay off their debts by buying me!”

Meng Mo's rendition of shizun wasn't completely accurate to his story- but Binghe might have preferred it that way. Though ‘Master Shen’ didn’t behave like the character Luo Binghe had imagined, he behaved like the Qing Jing peak lord, which was even better. 

He yelled at Binghe to take the dress off, just like shizun would. He flustered when Binghe offered to serve him, just like shizun did. And unfortunately, his opinion of Binghe as a prospect was vague, just like shizun’s was. In the story, Master Shen whipped his servant for pleasure and demanded Binghe [REDACTED] him. Instead of straddling Binghe’s lap nude, the older man was just flipping through book after book in his office. 

“My lord,” Luo Binghe begged for his consideration. Shen Qingqiu didn’t even look up from whatever he was studying. 

(Shang-shishu had given Binghe special training, drilling him on his lessons much more strictly than shizun ever did. “Now drop and give me twenty ‘ nya’s ! You call that gap moe!? What good are muscles if you’re not wearing cat ears and calling him gege , huh!?”)

Time to put his seduction skills to the test! Binghe ‘accidentally’ dropped a stack of encyclopedias, and in his hurry to pick them up, ‘accidentally’ tripped on one of the volumes.

Of course, Luo Binghe fell dramatically to the ground, his skirt lifting to show off the scandalously small garment he was wearing underneath. And of course, Shen Qingqiu would stare at the sight and realize his feelings for his servant’s body!! Binghe arched his back as he happily whined, “oh, don’t look, master, Binghe is sooo embarrassed…!”

Binghe snuck an eager glance back at the older man who - who wasn’t even watching!!!

“Master Shen!” Binghe cried out. Shen Qingqiu simply hummed in absentminded reply, flipping through another book as if scouring for something. Binghe sat on the floor with his legs folded underneath him, looking up with a needy expression as he whined for attention. 

Master Shen pressed his hand to his forehead in distress. “Binghe, just… go clean, or something!”

So Binghe went to clean, or something. Of course, there was nothing to clean. Having something to clean would mean failing to clean the day before! So, he simply hummed and used a feathered duster to wipe off already shining doorknobs. Despite there not being a speck of dust present, Binghe still sneezed. He wondered if someone was thinking of him, and with a giggle thought, I hope it’s shizun .

As soon as the thought entered, his smile faded away. Shizun…

He was really acting like a fool, wasn’t he? So what if he had some fantasy version of Shen Qingqiu to love? That wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted shizun. He wanted his shizun.

"Meng Mo-" Binghe paused. The dream demon had been so considerate to create this fantasy for him… "Elder," Binghe said again, a bit more affectionately. "This one thanks you for the dream." 

No one answered. 

Binghe cleared his throat. "But I really have to wake up soon." He cast a longing glance at the empty palace, just him and his shizun and no one else. Binghe sighed. "This dream is lovely, but it is just a dream. I have to return to shizun." 

The silence stretched out into the empty hallway. 

“This palace is a fantasy.” Binghe touched a large glass window, rimmed gold in a boast of wealth, the complete opposite of shizun’s minimalist bamboo house. Though he longed to stay here, without anyone to steal away his beloved teacher, he wanted even more to see the real Shen Qingqiu again. “I… love shizun, not this invented version of him.”

Before he moved into the bamboo house, Luo Binghe’s life was divided. There were two categories of people he could identify: those who cared for him, and those who wanted to hurt him. For years, the first group held his late mother and his Ning-shijie. The second group held everyone else in the world. 

It wasn't until shizun qi-deviated that he realized how immature his worldview was. 

Ning Yingying was always kind to him, but wouldn't hesitate to kick him onto his back if he offended her. Ming Fan smacked the back of Binghe's head when he felt annoyed, but would take out his sword and defend Cang Qiong’s honour if Binghe was hit by someone from another sect. Han Jiu would blackmail and sabotage him constantly, but the second Binghe truly felt angry, his shidi would be sneaking into his bedroom with a plate of fruit in silent apology. 

All of a sudden, people were not so one dimensional that he could simply label them as friend or bully . And when he learned how to properly appreciate the complexities of those around him, he fell madly for his shizun. It had taken Binghe so long to realize someone so confident and strong could also be shy . When his thin-faced shizun said, ‘don’t let people think Qing Jing can’t even clothe its own students’ , that was his way of lovingly saying, ‘take my outer robe and cover yourself.’   If shizun refused to order at a restaurant and said he wasn’t hungry, he’d hurriedly take Binghe home and wait for his student’s cooking like he’d been starving all day. But Binghe’s favourite was when shizun would scold his disciples for being so sticky, but would try to suppress his smile whenever one jumped into his arms. Shizun’s actions took a long time to decipher, but it was worth it! Everyone knew Shen Qingqiu’s actions were elegant and wise, but perhaps Luo Binghe was the only one who knew the things shizun did were also… very cute! 

So if shizun wanted to send him away… if shizun thought Binghe had any intention of leaving the sect for a wife… then Binghe just had to return as soon as possible and explain himself, right? 

Shizun, I understand you better than anyone, Binghe lamented. So how come you don't understand me at all? 

“Meng Mo?” Why was he still here? An apprehensive feeling was growing in his chest as he continued calling out for the other demon. “This isn’t funny! Wake me up already!”

Genuine fear was beginning to seize him. He couldn’t manipulate this dream at all, and Meng Mo wasn’t answering. What if he couldn’t get out and back to shizun!?

“Shizun!” In a fit of panic, Binghe yelled, “shizun, help!” 

Behind him, he heard his master's voice. "Binghe? Is that you?"

[Chapter 1: ???]

[Chapter 2: ???]

[Chapter 3: ???]

[Chapter 4: ???]

[Time remaining: 4:36:03]

[Failure to complete all objectives within time limit will result in all of Host's account points being reset to zero.]

Shen Qingqiu exhaled a frustrated huff. You can't even tell me what the objectives are?

[Time remaining: 4:35:52]

He’d woken up with six hours. For some reason, Maid Binghe (he really didn’t know what else to call this illusion!) had insisted on keeping him in bed until Shen Qingqiu ate all his treats. This evil system had really created the perfect obstacle in this quest! If it weren’t for the looming threat of losing all his points, Shen Qingqiu would have been tempted to stay in bed and get spoiled by this copy of the protagonist all day! 

The quest tasks were presented as chapters, so Shen Qingqiu lazily threw something on over his sleeping robes and made his way to the study. Maid Binghe naturally followed. Now with only four and a half hours left, he’d made zero progress. Book after book was the same- despite the wide variety of covers, they were all completely blank on the inside. 

He’d been through nearly the entire shelf before he found a book with actual writing! At the same time, Maid Binghe started whining behind him about… something. “Oh, don’t look, master, Binghe is sooo embarrassed… Master Shen!” 

Unable to read with Binghe prattling on, he chased him out of the room. “Binghe, just… go clean, or something!” Binghe smiled and obediently raced off, finally giving Shen Qingqiu a moment alone. 

The story he’d picked up was some sort of male Cinderella knock-off. It began with a young orphan boy, living with his step-father and two evil step-brothers. Abused and neglected, he was forced to take beatings and waste his youth cleaning up after the messy family. 

Then, the father fell ill. Thinking he was on the verge of death, the evil step-father revealed he wasn't so evil at all! He'd been cruel to the protagonist for his own good, to make him stronger!

Which sounded like complete bullshit, but okay. 

Though their relationship improved quickly, the boy still felt his guardian cared too much for his sons, and not enough for him. It was… a very intense shift in narration. The previously meek protagonist was now obsessively possessive of the man's attention. 

Shen Qingqiu was only halfway through the light novel, but already, there were warning bells ringing in his ear.

A fairy appeared one night, giving the boy a beautiful dress- wait, dress? Yes, that definitely said it gave the boy a dress! Baffled, he read farther. A few pages later, he was throwing up blood. 

“The love interest is- !?” Shen Qingqiu shrieked. No way, there was no way he'd read that right!

Hurriedly tossing the thin book, he scoured through the shelf for another. Empty pages, empty pages, empty pages… writing! Surely this one would reveal something useful-

“Doctor, is it really okay…?”

“Didn't you say you wanted to learn?” The healer spread his legs in front of his young protégé. “Then I'll start with teaching you how to give a prosta-”

Shen Qingqiu threw the second book across the room as hard as he could.  

Book after book was the same. A spoiled prince taking advantage of his innocent young knight, a centuries-old fae tricking a child into being his captive, a mer boy caught by a sailor who refused to release him- what was with this constant dynamic!? 

Shen Qingqiu’s hands shook with rage. “Who the hell is writing this garbage!?” 

(Somewhere in the palace, Luo Binghe sneezed. Is someone thinking about me? I hope it’s shizun. )

He stumbled out of the study. What was the opposite of becoming enlightened? Was there a word for when someone read something so horrendous, it felt like they’d become much worse as a person? 

Someone’s voice echoed off the manor’s extravagant tiles. “Meng Mo?”

Shen Qingqiu’s steps halted. Did he hear…?

“This isn’t funny! Wake me up! …shizun! Shizun, help!” 

There was no mistaking it! Shen Qingqiu ran down the palace’s passage, nearly falling over himself at the sight that awaited him. Luo Binghe was still in the maid outfit, but now he was shaking on the floor, sobbing. 

“Binghe? Is that you?” Shen Qingqiu called out hesitantly. Seeing the boy look up with his weepy face confirmed it- this had to be his student, not part of the system’s mirage. Shen Qingqiu immediately kneeled next to the boy, wiping his tears with his sleeves. “Binghe, what are you doing here?” 

“...shizun?" Binghe hiccuped. “Is it really shizun?” His dark eyes were focused solely on his shizun, begging for comfort. Of course, Shen Qingqiu pulled him into his arms quickly! He couldn’t imagine what a horrible night it must have been for the poor boy… First he had to hear he was being kicked off the peak. If that wasn’t bad enough, then the stallion protagonist woke up in the middle of nowhere wearing a scandalously short maid’s dress! 

“Shizun is here,” Shen Qingqiu promised. With that confirmation, Binghe returned the embrace, squeezing the immortal master’s body with all his strength, as if to keep his teacher from running away. Shen Qingqiu bit back a groan and stroked Binghe’s hair. “Calm down, Binghe…! Shizun is here, everything is fine…” 

[Chapter one completed: Master Shen Reveals His True Nature to His Innocent Servant!]  

…hey. Why did that make him sound like some kind of pervert? 

Before he could even figure out what the system was going on about, Binghe was already speaking anxiously. “Shizun, how… how long have you been here?” 

Poor boy! Binghe was so nervous at being seen in this ridiculous state, he was trembling at the thought! To spare him some face, he lied, “this master only just arrived.”

It was a good thing he did! Binghe breathed out a sigh of relief, his tense shoulders dropping. “Binghe also just arrived!” 

Well, of course he knew the ‘servant’ from before wasn’t Binghe! As if the real protagonist would behave like that . 

[Time remaining: 4:00:00]

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu grasped Luo Binghe’s shoulders and held him at arm’s length. “Listen carefully to what I tell you. We have four hours to escape this place, or-” Or I’ll have to push you into the abyss. “-or great doom will fall upon us!” 

His star pupil was focused in a second. “This disciple will follow shizun’s instructions.” 

Shen Qingqiu checked the necessary tasks once more.

[Completed: Master Shen Reveals His True Nature to His Innocent Servant!]

[Chapter 2: ???]

[Chapter 3: ???]

[Chapter 4: ???]

The first objective was completed when Shen Qingqiu found Luo Binghe again. The system was powered by the protagonist, so… “Binghe, answer me honestly… does this sound familiar? ‘Master Reveals His True Nature to His Innocent Servant.’” 

“Shizun, I- that’s- shizun -” Luo Binghe’s face went a ghastly pale, so he took it as a yes. 

Despite his own face heating up, Shen Qingqiu soldiered on. “Now is not the time to be shy! We’ve only completed the first chapter. If Binghe knows the rest of the story, he must say so now!” 

“ If I know it…?” Binghe breathed out. “Shizun… shizun hasn’t read it?” 

Sorry Binghe, you’ve been on Qing Jing longer than he has! Shen Qingqiu had read barely a quarter of the library by now, and he knew that was nothing compared to the competitive nature of his student. “So Binghe does recognize it? What is this novel called?” 

Binghe stared at Shen Qingqiu. Just when he was about to snap at his student to hurry and answer, Luo Binghe whispered, “Longing After the Peerless Noble Beauty.” 

…okay? That didn’t seem so bad. Why did Binghe look so guilty? The boy was watching Shen Qingqiu like a deer in headlights, waiting to be struck. The older man pulled the two of them up to their feet, wondering if he was missing something. 

So I basically just have to re-enact this… Peerless Noble plot, right?

[Correct!] 

Why couldn’t the system have given this “Master Shen” persona a fan!? Shen Qingqiu could only look away from his student, hoping the long waterfall of hair would hide his face. “What happens next in the story?” 

Shen Qingqiu opened the door, once again in the bedroom where he’d first woken up. “This is where the second chapter takes place?” 

Binghe nodded meekly, examining the room like a spooked cat planning its escape. 

Shen Qingqiu patted the boy’s head. “Stop looking like that. Didn’t this master say he’d be with Binghe throughout this trial?” 

Luo Binghe’s face flushed pink. “Shizun and I… recreating that story…” 

While Binghe had his weird little meltdown, Shen Qingqiu explored the room. According to what Luo Binghe had managed to squeeze out on their walk back, there was a magical artifact ‘Master Shen’ frequently used, hidden away here. 

Hmm, if it was him, where would he hide something…? Under the bed would be too obvious. Behind furniture wouldn’t do any good, Binghe cleaned too thoroughly to miss it. The best place would be out in the open, where no one would question it. Shen Qingqiu walked over to the display case, full of trophies, gold, jewellery… there was only one object he didn’t recognize. 

Shen Qingqiu took the artifact in his hand. It was a light pink colour, smooth and oval. He turned to Binghe for further instruction. 

“Ne-next, in the, um, in the story, shizun, he…” 

Binghe couldn’t stop stuttering. Poor boy. Shen Qingqiu stroked his back comfortingly. “Just say it Binghe, no need to be shy.” 

His student’s face turned impossibly more red. “Shizun puts it inside himself!” 

[Chapter 2 unlocked: Master Shen's Toy!]

Inside? He studied the item again. It was about the size of his thumb- a bit big, but it was smooth, and capsule-shaped. It would be uncomfortable, but far from impossible. 

He really didn’t want to, but… it’s for Binghe , he reminded himself. “Fetch me some water.” 

“Water?” Binghe repeated. 

“To make it easier to take,” Shen Qingqiu explained with exasperation. 

Luo Binghe was a jittery mess by the time he returned with a pitcher of water, his hands shaking as he placed down a tray. “This.. this disciple… I… there’s also oil…!” 

Shen Qingqiu didn’t understand the oil, but he smiled regardless. “Wait outside.” 

Binghe sent a longing glance at the object in Shen Qingqiu’s hand, then to his shizun himself, but eventually nodded and left. What a sweet bun! Wanting to stay and make sure his teacher was safe!

Once Binghe closed the door behind him, Shen Qingqiu put the artifact in his mouth, sipped some water, and swallowed. 

[...]

[Host…]

Good thing he’d sent Binghe out! He’d nearly gagged on the thing! What an unsightly display that would have been… hey, system! He’d nearly died putting the artifact inside himself! Where were his congratulations?

[...]

[Chapter two completed… Shen Qingqiu’s Secret Toy…]

What was with this half-assed ‘I guess you completed it…’ attitude? 

“Binghe!” The name was barely out of Shen Qingqiu’s mouth before the boy came barrelling in. He decided to refrain from commenting on Binghe’s sudden hyperactivity. “That’s done. What’s next?” 

Binghe couldn’t stop staring. The boy’s eyes were so wide, it was almost comedic. In a strangled whisper, Binghe asked, “Shizun really put it in?” 

Shen Qingqiu blushed, remembering the pitiful way he’d had to force the oversized thing down his throat. Something rumbled in his stomach. “What-!” Shen Qingqiu's arms instinctively hugged his belly. The artifact, it was…! “Binghe, it’s moving!” 

Shen Qingqiu, like everyone at some point, had made the mistake of swallowing an entire cube of ice. He was familiar with the sensation of cold ice melting in his stomach. But an actual object vibrating in his digestive track!? 

“Shizun!” Binghe covered his flustered face with his hands. The child had the audacity to open his fingers a moment later, his eyes peeking through to watch anyway. “Is it too much for shizun?” 

Shen Qingqiu’s face was red with humiliation at being seen in such a pathetic state. “This master can handle it.” 

Binghe still directed his master back onto the bed, and Shen Qingqiu gratefully took a seat. Really, it wasn’t a big deal! It was just… such a strange sensation. 

“Binghe has yet to answer,” Shen Qingqiu scolded. “What happens next?”

Binghe sat next to him on the soft bedding, looking down at the hands in his lap. “Then…! Then shizun takes it out in front of this servant…!”

…ew!

Shen Qingqiu did not want to throw up in front of his disciple! Gross! Besides, wasn’t the objective just ‘put the artifact inside’? “Is that really necessary?” 

Binghe’s head whipped up in a flash. “What?”

“I already took it. We don’t have much time left, so do I really need to take it out?” 

Binghe looked like he was going to pass out. “Is shizun serious!? Shizun isn’t just teasing me!?” 

Binghe, why did you look like you were in pain? Shen Qingqiu was the one who had to eat the damn thing! “We don’t have the time to spare,” he explained. “It’ll take too long to retrieve it, so if it doesn’t have any future plot value, let’s leave it be.” 

“Shizun is going to walk around…” Shaking violently, Binghe’s hands dug into his arms as he held himself together. “With it… inside himself…”

Really, Binghe got it much worse! They didn’t even have time to find him a change of clothes, so he was stuck walking around in that… maid outfit that… why was it so tight on him!? 

“What happens next?” Shen Qingqiu snapped. 

The bark had Binghe jolting in place, and caught by surprise he blurted, “shizun has to kiss me!” 

[Chapter 3 unlocked: True Love's First Kiss!]

Binghe held his face in his hands, shaking his head like some schoolgirl gushing over a crush. "Even though shizun and his servant have been intimate so many times, they never kissed because shizun didn't want to fall in love-"

"Binghe," Shen Qingqiu pleaded," please don't talk like I'm the character in the book." 

Binghe paused his ramblings to giggle nervously. 

A kiss… it really had to be a kiss?

[The chapter is called True Love’s First Kiss.]

And Luo Binghe couldn’t kiss someone else?

[There is no one else.]

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Close your eyes.” 

Binghe obeyed eagerly, staying deathly still as he waited. 

Even just sitting there with his eyes closed, Luo Binghe looked unbelievably gorgeous. Too unscientific! Why didn’t this teenager have any acne, huh? Where was his baby fat? 

It was just a simple kiss on the cheek, quick and chaste. Even in his old life, whenever he saw his aunties at family gatherings, the kisses they would give him were much longer and wet. Binghe still looked dazed when he opened his eyes again. 

[...Reminder: host is encouraged to follow instructions carefully in order to maximise the experience of the Lowly Disciple’s Self Insert Fanfic System.]

I kissed him, didn’t I!? Shen Qingqiu argued back. Weren’t systems supposed to make the protagonist happy? How could Luo Binghe want more kisses from his teacher?

When the system didn’t reply, he turned his attention back to the protagonist in question. “Binghe is satisfied with this, isn’t he?”

“Of course, but…” Luo Binghe fluttered his lashes at the older man bashfully. “Maybe just one more?”

This time when he leaned in, Luo Binghe moved back, until Shen Qingqiu lost his balance. Good thing they’d decided to sit on the bed! When Binghe fell onto his back, Shen Qingqiu’s elbows hit the mattress, preventing him from smacking into his student. The end result showed Shen Qingqiu practically laying on top of his disciple. Binghe was holding his breath, his beautiful eyes even darker than usual. Thickening his face, Shen Qingqiu decided to just get it over with! “Binghe wants more?” 

…what was that digging into his hip? Was he at that age where his hips started hurting for no reason?

Luo Binghe gasped sharply and pushed his teacher off himself. At least he’d had the consideration to keep him on the bed instead of throwing him onto the floor! Still, Shen Qingqiu was perplexed over his bun’s strange behaviour. 

“I’m sorry, shizun!” Binghe cried. Before Shen Qingqiu could call out to him, Luo Binghe was already running out of the room. 

Why did he always do this!? Young man, learn to talk about your feelings instead of dramatically storming out all the time! 

Shen Qingqiu followed after him, of course, and found him quickly, surrounded by robes of all colours. They must have belonged to ‘Master Shen’, for they were far too large for Luo Binghe. But the younger boy equipped the thickest fur coat in the room. It completely engulfed his form and dragged on the floor when Binghe bowed to him. “Apologies, shizun.” Binghe’s face was apple-red. “The, um. The previous outfit showed my- it was too revealing.” 

Binghe, this master understood, but… wasn’t it too late to start feeling embarrassed about that now ? Clearing his throat, Shen Qingqiu stepped away from the topic of absurdly short skirts. “Binghe said he wasn’t satisfied with the previous task…” 

Binghe tied the belt hanging off the massive coat, like he was trying to lock away a treasure from prying eyes. “Please ignore that, shizun! One kiss is more than enough!” 

[Chapter. Three. Completed. True Love's First Kiss.] 

…how was it possible for such a mechanical voice to sound pissed off? 

Whatever. The next and final scene was the wedding. 

[1 hour remaining.]

Fuck, only one hour left! Shen Qingqiu grabbed Luo Binghe’s hand, pulling him out of the room. “Binghe, where do we go for the final chapter?” 

“In-in the ballroom, shizun!” Binghe matched his long strides easily, jogging to keep up. Neither let go of the other’s hand. 

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw nearly fell to the floor when he arrived at the palace’s ballroom. It had obviously been cleared out and repurposed- it was dimly lit all except for one area surrounded by innumerous candles: a beautiful altar. Deep red flower petals littered the ground, but oddly enough, they did not lead to the main attraction sitting in the middle of the room. Instead the petals were split into two paths, each leading to opposite directions. “What is this?” 

“Oh, this must be…!” When Shen Qingqiu gave Binghe a questioning look, his disciple just smiled and pulled away his hand. Shen Qingqiu missed the warmth of it right away. “Shizun, you go that way, and then we’ll meet back here!” 

“Binghe-” 

Luo Binghe ran off on one of the flower paths before Shen Qingqiu could stop him. Sighing, he trudged the other way, following the petals on the ground until they stopped in front of… a dressing room? He entered cautiously and nearly spit up blood at what awaited him inside: two wedding outfits, one for a man and one for a woman. 

Both were beautiful- Shen Qingqiu wasn’t too proud to admit that. The red fabric had the finest gold embroidery he’d ever seen in either life! He’d always felt that men’s fashion was so boring compared to women’s. But the suit in front of him was so stunning, he really had to dispel the notion! 

…but Shen Qingqiu chose to put on the bride’s dress anyway. 

Listen. Listen! In what world could a man marry the protagonist, ah!? He had to be the woman, obviously! And besides… the bride’s outfit came with a veil… Shen Qingqiu really needed a way to hide his face. And Binghe would prefer him in a veil too! Of course he wouldn’t want to see his old teacher during an event like this, even if it was fake! 

It was extremely humiliating to step out and force himself to face his student looking like this, but Shen Qingqiu followed the petals back until he saw that familiar head of wild hair waiting for him. Luo Binghe gasped in joy, taking in Shen Qingqiu’s state. Shen Qingqiu, in return, felt a headache coming on when he looked at Luo Binghe. 

"Binghe…" Shen Qingqiu sighed. "Why are you the woman?" 

Luo Binghe twirled in his red dress. With the exception of the missing veil, it was completely identical to what Shen Qingqiu was wearing. "Shizun said he'd be my wife," he explained bashfully. "But the shixiongs at An Ding said a wife is the one who cooks and cleans… so isn't this disciple also shizun’s wife?" 

A traitorous part of Shen Qingqiu’s brain that sounded a lot like Shang Qinghua whispered, guy yuri.

[Time remaining: 0:40:09]

He felt Binghe’s hand on his back. That was normal. What wasn’t normal was a hand on his legs, right behind his knees. Shen Qingqiu let out an embarrassing squeak as he fell backwards, instinctively moving his arms to catch and hold onto something. It wasn’t until his side settled against his student’s chest that he realized he’d wrapped his arms around Binghe’s neck- and in return, Luo Binghe had his arms around Shen Qingqiu, holding him by the legs and waist like a bride. Shen Qingqiu’s face burned at the humiliation. “Luo Binghe, what is the meaning of this!?”

“Shizun’s feet can’t touch the ground,” Binghe answered. He looked truly remorseful, as if this was a real union between them. “Begging shizun’s forgiveness… shizun deserves a proper procession, but there are no sedans here…” 

How… how was Binghe carrying him so effortlessly!? He was still taller than his student… only by a few inches at this point, but still! 

And why… why was his heart beating so fast? Binghe smiled, and Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes, refusing to look at that dazzling face any longer.

Unfortunately, the veil didn’t hide enough, and his terrible, awful disciple insisted on teasing him! Luo Binghe leaned closer to whisper, “shizun, don’t be shy.” The hot breath against Shen Qingqiu’s ear sent a shudder through his body.

Seriously, what kind of messed up powerplay was this? 

Except, this wasn’t a show of strength for Binghe. Though it involved effortlessly lifting a man bigger than him, his motivation was to keep Shen Qingqiu from walking with his own feet. His disciple would wail and cry that he was too weak and helpless to survive on his own, but when it came to serving his shizun, he had all the strength in the world. As if a heavenly demon’s unrivalled power existed only for Shen Qingqiu to use. 

That kind of logic… it was really getting to his head… For a ridiculous moment, Shen Qingqiu dared to think, ‘my Luo Binghe might be even more handsome than the original Bing-ge.’

Alarmed by his own thoughts, he screeched, “put me down right this instant!”

“But shizun- “

“Now!”

Luo Binghe carefully let Shen Qingqiu down, and the man huffed and made a beeline for the altar. The buzzing artifact had stopped moving inside him shortly after he'd ingested it… but it must have turned on again, right? Otherwise… why would it feel like there were butterflies in his stomach? 

He'd been in this ‘story’ for almost six hours! He was bound to go crazy! “Let's just get this over with so we can return to Qing Jing!” Standing under the elaborate archway of roses, he realized his student hadn’t followed. “Binghe?” 

Even during Shen Qingqiu’s first meeting with the protagonist, when Binghe was beaten and bruised, he stood tall and shone like the stallion he was. At this moment Binghe seemed impossibly small, his shoulders sloping down in dejection as he stared at the ground. 

Concerned, Shen Qingqiu left the altar and returned by the boy’s side. “What’s the matter?” 

“Do we have to?” Binghe whispered. 

“Binghe, I know you don't want to-” 

“No, it's shizun who doesn't want to,” Binghe spat viciously. “It's shizun who doesn't want me.”

The grand hall, though lit with countless candles, suddenly felt very dark and cold. So, Binghe was still thinking about their conversation before all this… of course he was. 

[Time remaining: 0:25:56]

Barely half an hour left…! “Binghe, we don't have long.” Shen Qingqiu held out a hand, trying to coax his disciple forward. “Let's discuss this after we leave-” 

“Why?” Binghe grabbed his own arms, hugging himself as he shook. “Would shizun hate it so much if we stayed?” 

“Binghe, we can’t stay-” 

“ Shizun can’t,” Binghe interrupted. “Shizun has so much waiting for him. Shizun has other disciples, and the other peak lords, and other friends.” Binghe hung his head until his bangs blocked view of his face. “But I… shizun, this disciple only has you.” 

Shen Qingqiu's heart clenched. He remembered Binghe’s words when he begged to stay. Shizun is all that I have. 

“Whether I'm here or at Qing Jing, it makes no difference to me.” Binghe continued. “No matter where… as long as shizun is with me, I only…

“Shizun, why can't I be the only one for you too?” Binghe finally looked up with red, swollen eyes. “If this is to return, then… I refuse!” The boy took a step back. “I won't return just for-for shizun to throw me away!” 

Binghe, he’d only gone through this mortifying ordeal for your sake! You think he’d be here dressed like a bride if it wasn’t to keep you from the Abyss!? “That’s enough. We can talk about this when we’re back at Cang Qiong-” 

“Shizun likes Cang Qiong,” Binghe repeated. He sniffled, fighting back tears. “Shizun likes- he likes Cang Qiong and-and he doesn’t like me and-and that’s why he won't leave the sect but he can send me away and-”

Binghe couldn’t even finish the thought before his voice cracked and he was bawling into his hands. 

[Time remaining: 0:23:47]

It was clear they were going to get nowhere until this was cleared up. “Binghe will not be going anywhere.” 

Luo Binghe sniffled again, but his sobbing had come to a hopeful pause. That was all Shen Qingqiu could wish for at the moment. 

He inched closer slowly, like approaching a frightened animal. “This master misunderstood. If Binghe does not wish to leave Qing Jing, he will not have to.” 

Binghe, hurry and do this ceremony…! If they ran out of time and didn’t get the mission’s reward points, Shen Qingqiu was making a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep! 

Luo Binghe wiped at his eyes. “Shizun doesn’t hate me?” 

“How could shizun hate you?” Shen Qingqiu answered with exasperation. Really, everyone on Qing Jing and their mother knew how much he doted on Binghe! 

“Shizun… likes me?” 

“Luo Binghe!” 

“Shizun…” Binghe whined pathetically. 

System, where was the self-assured, badass protagonist!? Who was this insecure child!? Shen Qingqiu nodded, the gesture so minute, no one other than Binghe could have picked up on it.  

At least he’d stopped crying! With a wobbly smile, he asked, "shizun likes me more than Liu Qingge?" 

Why bring up Liu Qingge!? "Binghe, you know I can't…" 

Obviously it would be very improper to shamelessly show such favouritism. In any other circumstance, Shen Qingqiu would never tell a disciple he was more important than a peak lord. But Luo Binghe’s mental state was fragile at the moment, so…

Blushing at his own words, Shen Qingqiu admitted, "This master likes Binghe more…"

Binghe only seemed appeased for a second before he continued. "And the sect leader? And Han Jiu? And Liu Mingyan, and Qi-shishu? And Shang-" 

"Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu said in disbelief. "Are you going to name every person in the world?"

“Why not?” Binghe mumbled. “Shizun is my favourite person in the world… is it so wrong if I want to be his favourite, too?” 

Fuck, that was… that was really cute. 

How many times had he paid for a chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way and told himself, ‘I only read this garbage for Luo Binghe!’ Peerless Cucumber had put himself through the worst writing man could offer, just for the sake of seeing his favourite character. It went without saying then, that if Luo Binghe was his favourite in PIDW, and Shen Qingqiu was currently in the world of PIDW…

"Binghe is my favourite person in this world." 

His little bun finally broke out into the wide smile Shen Qingqiu had become accustomed to seeing on his face. But it was quickly replaced with a suspicious pout. “Shizun, isn’t just saying that, right…?” 

All this time, he’d been convincing himself he didn’t mind having to say goodbye to Binghe. Now he could finally face the truth: he didn’t want Binghe to go into the abyss! He didn’t want Binghe to become an untouchable emperor! He didn’t want Binghe to lose all innocence and become a killer, suffering constantly just to satiate his bloodthirsty and lustful sword! He wanted Binghe to stay his precious disciple. He wanted to wake up every morning to Binghe’s perfectly cooked breakfasts. He wanted to be able to hold and coddle this boy who deserved comfort after all he’d been through. 

Maybe he’d gotten too into the role of the scum villain… here he was, trying to keep Binghe from reaching his true potential, all for the sake of keeping himself satisfied. 

Shen Qingqiu took Binghe’s hands in his and looked the boy in the eyes solemnly. “Luo Binghe, I will only say this once, so listen carefully.” With the protagonist’s eyes fixated on him, he thickened his face and said, “what I’m saying right now has nothing to do with our circumstances. I… this master meant it when I said…” Shen Qingqiu’s face burned. “What I said before.” Binghe’s mouth fell open. “This one swears… your shizun will not force you off Qing Jing. If Binghe wishes, we may stay together for as long as he likes.” 

“I do!” Binghe burst out. “Shizun, I do wish for that!” He was crying again, but this time the tears were accompanied with a happy face. “I want to be with shizun forever!” Binghe stared at their connected hands shyly. “Does shizun also…?”

How many times did he have to assure him!? “I… I do.” 

Right, they still had about ten minutes. Maybe they could rush through the wedding prompt if they did their bows quickly and-

[Final chapter completed!! An Eternal Vow!!]

Huh? 

[Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! Important things must be said three times! Host has completed The Lowly Disciple's Self Insert Fanfic System and earned 4,000 points!]

Shen Qingqiu blinked at the notifications. “Oh.” 

“What is it, shizun?”

“Looks like the wedding scene is done?” 

“Just now?” Luo Binghe’s eyes went wide. “When shizun said… he wasn’t acting…?”

[Achievement unlocked: A Romantic Oath!]

[Achievement unlocked: Married Life]

[Achievement unlocked: Scandalous Shizun Seduces Student!]

[Achievement unlo-]

What the hell were these achievements!? He only did all this because the system forced him to!

[Optional chapter unlocked: Consummating the Marriage-]  

"Get us out of here already!" Shen Qingqiu screamed out loud. 

Shen Qingqiu groaned as he opened his eyes. Back in the bamboo house, it was still night. Had any time passed at all during the six hours he’d spent in that world? 

He didn’t even have time to pick himself off the floor before the front door slammed open and Luo Binghe came racing in. Panting heavily, he stood in the darkness with a jittery and frantic air. “Shizun!” Binghe reached out. “Shizun, did that… were you…”

Shen Qingqiu smiled. “This master was there, Binghe. It was not a dream.” 

Binghe took the confirmation as approval to lunge at Shen Qingqiu. The Immortal master laughed, embracing the disciple clinging to him with an iron grip on his clothes. “Shizun!” 

System, show me my points. 

[Host currently has:]

[10,675 satisfaction points.]

[5,090 B-points.]

[800-]

Okay, okay, he really only needed to see the first category! All of a sudden, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. Shen Qingqiu held Luo Binghe tighter, joy bubbling in his chest. He… he really prevented the abyss. 

[Luo Binghe must enter the Endless Abyss.]

[If Luo Binghe fails to complete the “Endless Abyss” scenario, fifteen thousand points will be deducted.]

Shen Qinggqiu really had it with this dumbass system…! His life depended on this number and the system couldn’t even remember that properly! After the stressful quest he’d just finished, couldn’t it stop trying to scare him for just one night!? Get it right, he had ten thousand points, just enough to prevent Luo Binghe’s blackening! 

[Ten thousand was the penalty for host when he had an account of six thousand satisfaction points. With a total of ten thousand, the penalty has naturally increased.]

As he registered the words, Shen Qingqiu’s blood went cold. 

[It is the simple concept of inflation. Or tax, if that will be easier for host to understand. The richer host is, the higher his tax, or penalty, will be!]

…what? 

[If Luo Binghe fails to complete the “Endless Abyss” scenario, fifteen thousand points will be deducted.]

But… but the quest was just enough to give him a total of ten thousand points… If the price would go up every time his account did, then wasn’t it impossible to-

Shen Qingqiu, holding his disciple in his arms, looked up at the daunting blue light looming over him. 

[Luo Binghe must enter the Endless Abyss.]

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu didn't open his eyes when he woke, lazily cuddling into the warm body pressed against him. In his arms, his bedmate gave him one last squeeze before wiggling out from under the covers. Barely aware of his surroundings, Shen Qingqiu grumbled something unintelligible at the loss and burrowed under the covers. 

He dozed off again, gently shaken awake some time later. Less groggy this time, he leaned back against the headboard. Luo Binghe beamed, setting down a tray of delicious homemade breakfast into his lap. Only the earliest rays of sunrise had breached the windows of the bamboo house, yet his student was full of energy and joy. “Good morning, shizun. Did my wife sleep well?”  

He watched the boy loosen the strings of his frilly apron before he joined his master on the soft mattress. What a helplessly domestic scene! 

Shen Qingqiu had many regrets. Taking Without a Cure when he didn’t need to. Clicking on that last chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way. Not talking to Airplane in his first life. Not beating the shit out of Airplane in his first life. Not running Airplane over with a car in hi-

Anyway. 

Shen Qingqiu had done many things wrong. But perhaps the stupidest was this.

“Say ahhh!” Binghe instructed. 

“Binghe, don’t- mhmm.” 

With Shen Qingqiu’s mouth stuffed silent with food, Binghe beamed and pulled away the spoon. “Shizun, please let your spouse feed you… now that we’ve been wedded, should we go on a honeymoon? Oh, first, let’s get married again and invite all the other peak lords!” ”

In case it wasn't obvious, Luo Binghe was very excited about the ‘wedding’ the two of them had acted out. 

Shen Qingqiu swallowed as quickly as he could, dodging the spoonful of congee Binghe aimed at his lips. “Binghe, enough!” 

“But shizun, you've barely eaten at all!” 

Shen Qingqiu pressed the pad of his index finger against Binghe's lips to silence him. Binghe's cheeks bloomed into a rosy red and he opened his mouth and took the finger inside. Shen Qingqiu yanked his hand away and smacked his student's head. “What is wrong with you!” 

Binghe whined, “Shizun, what else was your spouse to do?” 

"For the final time, Binghe, we are not married." It was hard to tell at this point how many times they'd had this conversation. “That was a story we need to complete in order to return here.” 

Binghe ignored his rebuff, shoving away the tray in order to cling to him. “This disciple remembers shizun saying his words were not related to our circumstances at the time.”

"That was only when this master promised Binghe would not have to leave Qing Jing." 

Binghe nuzzled into his shoulder, like a cat scenting its master. “And when shizun said this disciple was his favourite?”

Shen Qingqiu blushed. With Binghe weighing him down, he couldn't even reach over to grab his fan! “That-that was also true.” 

“So shizun said I was his most loved person in the world and that we could be together forever…” Binghe's eyes sparkled with joy. "Shizun, that's what marriage is." 

It had been two days since they'd finished that scam of a quest, and this was how every conversation had gone since then. 

“We live together, eat together, sleep together…”

Yeah, did he mention Luo Binghe refused to sleep in his own room anymore?

“...this disciple doesn't understand what else is left before shizun will consider this one his groom.” Before Shen Qingqiu could answer, Binghe pulled away with a soft, “ oh .” Luo Binghe gave him an excited grin that instantly had Shen Qingqiu feeling wary. “Shizun, this one understands!” 

Binghe gently grabbed hold of Shen Qingqiu's hand and brought it to his lips. Shen Qingqiu’s mouth fell open when Binghe pressed a kiss to his knuckles. 

“Shizun…” Binghe stared into his eyes the entire time. “Allow this disciple to pleasure his wife.” 

The protagonist's charm was so lethal, even a straight man like Shen Qingqiu was dazed for a moment before he pulled the hand back. “Who's your wife!?" 

Luo Binghe smiled sweetly at him. "Shizun, don't be embarrassed. I'm your wife, too." 

What the hell…!? There was so much wrong with this! Calling a man his wife? Then calling himself a wife!? "Just call us husbands!" Shen Qingqiu remarked. As soon as the words left his mouth, he paled. "Wait, no- I don’t-"

Binghe was tearing up from joy as he pushed Shen Qingqiu onto his back. "Husband!" 

Shen Qingqiu gasped as his head hit the pillow. Binghe leaned over him on all fours, looking down with a blush. His thick curly hair was flowing down, and the boy tucked some behind his ear in such a maidenly manner, Shen Qingqiu was speechless. 

“Husband…” Binghe whispered shyly. “Now that we’re married-”

“We are not. ”

Luo Binghe closed his eyes, leaning down. Shen Qingqiu turned his head just in time for Binghe to land a kiss on his cheek instead of his lips. Too close!! This was dangerous!! 

Shen Qingqiu wanted to cry tears of blood. It wasn't bad enough Luo Binghe would want to kill him for pushing him into the abyss. It wasn't bad enough he'd betray Luo Binghe after explicitly stating he would allow him to remain on Qing Jing! On top of all the ways he had majorly messed up, Shen Qingqiu had to exhaust himself dodging his misguided student's attempts. When Binghe would come to his senses, what kind of torture would he sic on his scummy teacher for putting him through this terrible ordeal?

One thing was for sure, he had to keep Binghe away until the conference arrived. He really couldn't take two more weeks of this! 

Shen Qingqiu scoured through Cang Qiong's mail to find a night hunt that would take the longest for Luo Binghe to complete. One mission said its estimated time to complete was a month- with how fast Binghe worked, Shen Qingqiu hoped he'd get at least a few days of rest. 

Binghe whined at having to leave his master, but dutifully took on the task. He loitered around the steps for as long as he could, drawing out his farewell in order to maximize his time with his teacher. 

“Don’t worry shizun,” Binghe cuddled into his side one last time. “This disciple will finish quickly and return to his husband as soon as possible.” 

Yeah, that was what he was afraid of. 

"Shen Qingqiu." 

The Qing Jing peak lord looked up from his latest calligraphy piece to see his student, just on the threshold of his bedroom door. He sighed with gloom. “Binghe has returned so quickly.” 

“That's right.” Binghe coked his head, a smile spreading out across his face. “Was shizun hoping I wouldn't?”

Shen Qingqiu raised a brow at his student's tone. Ever since they'd finished acting out that outlandish story, Luo Binghe had been incredibly touchy. He'd charge at Shen Qingqiu like a bull whenever he'd see his teacher, and hold onto him so tight the older man would have trouble breathing.

(And, well… Shen Qingqiu had come to crave the contact a bit. The scum villain's body was so cold and unfeeling. When Luo Binghe squeezed the older man with those strong arms, it felt… ahem.) 

“Well? Why is Binghe just standing there?” Shen Qingqiu called. “Is he going to come to this master, or not?” 

Binghe laughed. It was unlike Binghe’s usual happy giggles, but instead a full-bellied laugh. “Shizun has resigned himself so easily?"

"It's not as if you'll listen if I say no." 

"But this one enjoys the fight.” 

Shen Qingqiu’s face went hot. He knew it!! This little bastard had been teasing him on purpose!! 

“Is it so entertaining to see your teacher suffer!?” If Shen Qingqiu was a little stronger, he would have refused to touch his sticky student for days. But listen, Binghe was so warm, and soft, and cuddly, and with all the recent stress, it was really nice having a protagonist shaped weighted blanket, okay!? Before Binghe could reply, Shen Qingqiu strode over and pulled him into his arms. “Just because Binghe has some misconception about our relationship, that does not mean he can behave in such an unfilial manner with his elders! You are still my disciple!” 

Luo Binghe didn't move. "Shizun still considers this one his disciple?" 

“That's right!” Shen Qingqiu said. “So get those silly thoughts out of your head! Luo Binghe is my student!” 

“Shizun cares greatly for this lowly one,” Binghe hummed, cuddling into his embrace. “Shizun is so good to me.”

Shen Qingqiu didn't say a word, his face heating up. 

"But shizun," Binghe purred. "You're forgetting you're speaking to a filthy demonic beast." 

Shen Qingqiu gasped before he even felt the pain, his lungs reacting faster than his brain. It was only when he looked down that agony spread out across his chest. 

Luo Binghe looked the same as ever except for three notable differences: the glowing demon mark of his forehead, his vicious red eyes, and the claws that had pierced deeply into his skin. 

Honestly, if Shen Qingqiu hadn't just been stabbed he would have really appreciated the scene. Who knew Binghe could grow his nails like that? Very Wolverine-esque. Very nice. Instead of praise, Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth only to cough up blood. 

Shen Qingqiu didn't move, gaping at his disciple stupidly. Binghe's manic grin slowly died down, until he was looking up at him with a confused and lost expression. "Shen Qingqiu?" 

At this point, it wasn't even a conscious decision- when he saw the face of his sweet little bun, his hand always moved on its own. Unable to bear that frown, Shen Qingqiu lifted a weak hand to the top of his student's head and gently patted it. 

Luo Binghe's face crumpled into something miserable and furious. “Shen Qingqiu!” 

Once those claws retracted, the bundle of anxiety that had been building inside him exploded. Shen Qingqiu screamed and shot up, panting furiously. His hands were clutching his bedsheets with sweaty palms, and he looked around the dark room with his heart pounding. Everything was deathly silent- it was the middle of the night, after all.

Just a dream…? Holy shit, that was just a dream. 

Shen Qingqiu laid back down and stared at the ceiling. His heart was beating so loud he could feel it in his ears. Fuck, that was terrifying. 

Ahahaha, if he didn't figure out how to prevent the abyss… 

Shang Qinghua was as useful as ever. Which meant, not useful in the least. 

The mousy man was sprawled over his seat, one leg over the armrest as he snacked on a pack of seeds. “So you both went to a wedding venue, wore bridal clothes, you told him you like him more than anyone, and promised you’d always be together.”

“Yes!” Shen Qingqiu threw his hands up. “And now for some reason he thinks we’re married!” 

Shang Qinghua sipped his drink, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. Finally, he slowly set his glass down and said, “do you even hear yourself when you talk?” 

"Are you going to help or not?” Shen Qingqiu threw a pillow at him. He paced around the room. Luo Binghe had paid the original goods back for the abyss by turning him into a human stick. Shen Qingqiu took that a step further, and now he’d have to push his disciple after swearing he would not forsake Binghe. “We need to find a way to survive this. My ass is on the line!" 

Shang Qinghua eyed him up and down, and gave him a disgustingly smug grin. "Oh your ass is in trouble, alright." 

Shen Qingqiu beat him half to death with his fan. 

After several hours wasted on An Ding, Shen Qingqiu exited the peak lord's house and wandered into the chill night air. 

Ah… this recent anxiety had brought forth a touch of paranoia. Shen Qingqiu’s gut rolled, and he looked around. There wasn’t a single person present, yet there was an imminent sense of danger that had felt ever-present for a few days now. Like there were eyes watching him, biding their time, like the system was reminding him that his death was coming. Shen Qingqiu shivered and crossed the rainbow bridge back to Qing Jing in a hurry. 

Shen Jiu poked his head into the peak lord’s quarters soon after he reached home. “Shizun?” Shen Qingqiu hummed absentmindedly, taking off his outer layers. Shen Jiu shuffled closer, taking the robe in Binghe’s place and folding it properly. “Is everything alright?” 

He’d grown into such a sweet boy… Shen Qingqiu patted his head. “No need to worry, this master is only a little tired.” 

“Is it because of all that nonsense Luo Binghe has been spouting?” Shen Jiu’s brow twitched. “I don’t understand why you won’t just-”

Okay, okay, please don’t raise any death flags for yourself! Shen Qingqiu cut him off. “I’ll be fine in the morning. Get some rest as well.” 

The child latched onto him for several more moments before he finally retired to his own room. Shen Qingqiu released his hair with a sigh and threw the covers on, burrowing under them as if they could protect himself from the dread of imminent peril. 

Shen Qingqiu woke to the sound of his system glitching. 

[Contact made with protagonist! Starting system operations…]

[System already in place. ERROR.]

Contact made-? 

Shen Qingqiu nearly screamed. If he had a soul stone for every time he woke to find Binghe ominously looming over his sleeping form… he wouldn't have a lot but still more than he'd like!! 

Luo Binghe stood next to the bed, watching his teacher with an intensely focused expression. Shen Qingqiu sat up. "Binghe," he rasped out. "You're back." 

Binghe stared at him wordlessly. The blank look on his face was unnerving. Shen Qingqiu wondered if he was inside another nightmare until Binghe finally answered, “yes. This disciple has returned to shizun.” 

The stifling quiet was back. Shen Qingqiu adjusted his sleepwear uncomfortably. 

The two of them were no strangers to companionable silence. They often worked together, Binghe writing essays while Shen Qingqiu graded other students assignments on the same table. But this awkwardness… Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat to clear it up. “As always, Binghe completed his work in exemplary time. What will you be making for breakfast?” 

Binghe narrowed his eyes. "Do I look like a servant?" 

Shen Qingqiu jerked back as if he'd been slapped. Even Luo Binghe seemed alarmed by the reaction. He quickly grabbed his fan from his bedside stand and covered his face, unable to look at Binghe in his shame. "This one must apologize. Of course Binghe doesn't need to cook for me." 

Really, how embarrassing. Needing to be called out by his own student… 

"... this one was merely joking, shizun," Binghe then said. "What would shizun like for breakfast?" 

There was a week and a half left until the conference, and then he’d never taste Binghe’s cooking. As much as he loathed the thought, it was a good idea to get started early in his adjustment. Shen Qingqiu shook his head. "No, Binghe is right. He is my student, not my servant." 

Luo Binghe’s lip twitched. "Shizun, I insist." 

"I… this master isn't hungry-" 

Binghe grabbed Shen Qingqiu’s wrist painfully, pulling away the hand hiding his face. With furious eyes, he barked, "I said I'd cook! Or am I not good enough for you?" 

“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu cried. “Let go!” 

Luo Binghe's glower smoothed out into something more mild as he released him. “Apologies, shizun. What will we be having for breakfast?” 

Shen Qingqiu held the hand against his chest, staring at the mark left against his fair skin. He'd just woken up, and his muddled mind couldn't understand what was happening. Irritated at being kept waiting, Binghe crossed his arms. “Congee,” Shen Qingqiu answered quickly. “I… I'll have congee.” 

Luo Binghe nodded and left without another word, leaving his teacher bemused and… slightly afraid. 

System, why is Binghe being so OOC? Is this another dream?

[Nope~]

He left the bed quickly, changing into his layers for the day and washing his face. By the time he returned, Binghe had already placed two steaming bowls of congee on the table. Shen Qingqiu sat down tentatively. Considerate of Binghe's bad mood, he thanked the boy for preparing breakfast before he began eating, and didn't bother making small talk. 

But, ah, Binghe had really outdone himself today! For a moment Shen Qingqiu almost wished he was one of Binghe’s wives, if it meant he wouldn't have to give up these meals. 

"What is shizun thinking about?" 

Luo Binghe hadn't touched his own bowl yet, simply watching from across the table. Shen Qingqiu had the uncomfortable image in his head of a cat, watching a bird it was preparing to kill. “This master was wondering what song should be used to test the outer disciples this week.” 

Binghe's arm reached across the table, and his fingers gripped his master's chin firmly. Shen Qingqiu was forced to look back into the deep obsidian eyes trying to devour him. "Shizun should think of nothing else but me." 

Huh? What was this line…? And said with such a straight face? Corny, just too embarrassing…! 

"Shizun is so easy to blush," Binghe grinned cruelly. "Or maybe it's just the effect of this student? Shizun is such a pervert." 

Human stick be damned, he couldn't take this anymore! “What is with this attitude of yours today?” Shen Qingqiu swatted his hand away. “I don’t like it at all!” 

Sure Luo Binghe would inevitably grow up to be an asshole demon lord, but he still had some days before the conference! What happened to his sweet little bun!? 

Shen Qingqiu wanted to kick himself at the realization. Of course something must have caused this drastic change. He hurried over to his student's side. Gently holding Binghe’s face in his hands, Shen Qingqiu inspected his student with great care. “Binghe.” He moved one hand to check the pulse on his neck while the other continued resting on his cheek. “Did you come across anything strange on your mission? Get infected with an animal's venom or a plant’s pollen?” 

Binghe studied him quietly again. “...the wasp of persona temere.” 

Ah. The wasp of persona temere used a special technique to confuse their predators: their psychic attack could completely change someone’s personality for several weeks. It was useful when a confident cultivator suddenly became a crybaby, but in no other situation . Shen Qingqiu remembered ripping into Airplane when that chapter had been posted- the name was quite literally just latin for ‘wasp of random personality’. So a shy girl had her personality changed until she was sexy and horny… how would that help a monster survive!? How could it have such a move as its attack!? This completely stupid, nonsensical, and useless power was why the persona wasp had only been mentioned once in Proud Immortal Demon Way and then never again.  

Shen Qingqiu sighed in relief. "Luckily, that can be fixed with a simple qi transfer." He opened his arms. "Come here." 

Luo Binghe stared at his master's body. Just when Shen Qingqiu’s thin face was about to demand he pull back, the boy moved closer, tucking himself into his arms. Shen Qingqiu sighed in relief. 

With his student fit snugly in his embrace, he stroked healing energy into Binghe's back, keeping his free hand atop his head to pat his hair. He'd really missed getting to hold his dear student like this while he was gone…

It took some time before Luo Binghe relaxed his tense body. "Shizun is… helping me." 

“Is Binghe feeling better already?”

In an instant, the previously detached and impatient expression had vanished, and his cute little disciple was back. “This disciple feels much better, thank you!” Binghe smiled sweetly. “Shizun takes such good care of me!” 

“Good.” Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but pinch one of his bun’s cheeks. “Next time, tell me right away when something like this happens.” 

Something about Luo Binghe still felt off , but… ah, he was just imagining things. 

There was a little more than a week left until the Immortal Alliance Conference. 

Thankfully, Binghe seemed to have forgotten the whole ‘marriage’ affair. Shen Qingqiu prepared himself for cries of ‘husband !’ and pleas to sleep together, and was surprised to find Binghe no longer had any interest in the matter. Maybe Shen Qingqiu had become too accustomed to those whines for his love, because Luo Binghe felt a bit too… withdrawn these days. They had their private lessons, but he didn't throw himself into Shen Qingqiu or beg for praise. He did his forms perfectly, and waited patiently for his shizun to tell him good job before finally revealing a small yet satisfied grin. 

One afternoon, Shen Qingqiu knocked on Luo Binghe's door. His student smiled when he saw who it was, and invited him in. Shen Qingqiu held back a snort. Binghe, why were you saying ‘come in’ like he'd travelled from afar to see your home? His room was right next to yours!

“Has Binghe seen my blue robe? It is enchanted to repell pollen, and the weather…” 

Luo Binghe did Shen Qingqiu's laundry- well, Shen Jiu's as well, since they all lived together. The poor boy was a bit absentminded at times, however. Shen Qingqiu couldn't count how many times he'd found his clothes stashed away in some corner of Binghe's room, not even washed! Luo Binghe would always go red and stutter endlessly when Shen Qingqiu would find some long-forgotten inner layer of his in his disciple's room. He never had the heart to really punish him, though. Binghe excelled at all his other chores, it couldn't be helped if laundry wasn't his strong suit! 

“Blue robe?” Binghe repeated. “I don't see why shizun's clothes would be here.”

“Our clothing often gets mixed together,” Shen Qingqiu pointed out. Odd how that worked, though. Binghe always ended up with Shen Qingqiu's clothes, but he'd never received Binghe's.

“This disciple will search for shizun's robe.” Binghe opened a drawer, looking through his shirts. He raised a brow and pulled out… a scroll? “What's this doing here?” 

…Binghe, this was your room. Why were you asking him?

He unfurled the document, his eyes moving down quickly. Shen Qingqiu only caught a glimpse, but he recognized the writing as Luo Binghe's. Yet his student stared at it like he'd never seen such a thing. 

Luo Binghe’s eyes were wide, fixed on the scroll. “So it's like this…” 

“Binghe?” 

His student tucked the item back. “Shizun.” Binghe's voice was low. “Shizun would allow this disciple into his bed?”

Shen Qingqiu blushed. “What brought this on again?” 

“Shizun.” Binghe’s eyes looked a bit manic as he stepped forward. “ Shizun . You would let me, wouldn't you?” Binghe smiled wide, and it was slightly unsettling. It was a bit disturbing to see that expression on such an innocent and handsome face. He grabbed Shen Qingqiu's sleeve. “Shizun has allowed this one into his bed before, hasn't he? Shizun indulges me so…”

“Binghe…” 

“Don't you dare deny me,” Binghe whispered. “Nothing is different. I deserve to be treated the same, don't I?” 

Hey system, Luo Binghe's finally lost it! 

[...]

Binghe prowled closer, until Shen Qingqiu's back hit the door he'd just come in from. “This one will not take no for an answer.” 

Shen Qingqiu really didn't know how to handle Binghe's recent mood swings. He knew he was digging his own grave by encouraging this behaviour, but what was worse? Another night of cuddling, or Luo Binghe staring into his fucking soul like he wanted to eat him alive!? “Alright,” Shen Qingqiu agreed. “Tonight, Binghe may join this master.” 

Luo Binghe released his robe at last. “Tonight.” 

With some free time before dinner, Shen Qingqiu started on his latest calligraphy piece. After writing a handful of characters with painstaking care, he was startled by a crash from across the bamboo house, and his last stroke had been smudged across the paper. He groaned and shot to his feet. 

As soon as Shen Qingqiu entered the kitchen, Shen Jiu ran into him, trying to nestle himself into his shizun's clothes. “Shizun, Luo Binghe… he's…”

It wasn't unusual for Shen Jiu to come seeking comfort from him after a fight with Binghe. It was, however, extremely concerning to see his small body shaking with genuine fear. 

In comparison to Shen Jiu's tiny hands trembling where they were holding onto Shen Qingqiu’s robes, Luo Binghe stood before them calmly. 

"Binghe, what have I said about being too mean to your shidi? He's younger than you, be the bigger person…" Shen Qingqiu scolded halfheartedly. His attention was focused on the frightened child in his arms, and he stroked the boy’s hair in hopes of calming him down. 

"That's not shixiong," Shen Jiu whispered. 

The words sent a chill down Shen Qingqiu’s back. He glanced back at ‘Binghe’ and found him watching the two of them, completely unbothered. An eerily cheerful smile was plastered on his face, one that clearly wasn’t reflected in his eyes. Shen Qingqiu shivered again, breaking out into a sweat. What was that thing in his kitchen? 

“Han Jiu,” Shen Qingqiu ordered, “leave the bamboo house for a few hours.”

Shen Jiu's hands tightened. “Shizun, he's dangerous! I can't leave you alone here!” 

Shen Qingqiu released the boy and stepped back, giving him a stern frown. “Han Jiu dares disobey this master?” 

“No, shizun!” Shen Jiu pleaded. “But this is-”

“Out, now!” Shen Qingqiu barked. Shen Jiu sniffled, giving Binghe's imposter one last reluctant glance before he ran out. Ah, he'd have to soothe him afterwards, but right now, he really needed his youngest student safe and out of harm's way!

Binghe smirked. “Shizun is so eager to be alone with this disciple. Is he that excited about our plans?” 

Shen Qingqiu really hated hearing that condescending tone coming from the face of his dear disciple. He sneered and the grin slid right off the fake Binghe's face. “Follow.” 

‘Binghe’ trailed behind him until Shen Qingqiu was closing the door to his private quarters. A heavy air hung over them and neither took a seat. 

The two of them took a moment to study each other before the peak lord finally said, "Lord Luo need not hide his heritage from this master." 

Shen Qingqiu was thrilled at the shock on Binghe’s face- how many could say they got one over the stallion protagonist!? 

In an instant his little bun was gone, replaced by a demon lord looking down at him with a heated gaze. Instead of the high tail his student wore, his hair was loose, and a huadian gleamed on his forehead. Indeed, this was not the maidenly Luo Binghe that Shen Qingqiu knew. It was none other than the harem master and emperor he'd read about all those years ago: Luo Bing-ge! 

…wow. Shen Qingqiu schooled his expression into something aloof and unaffected, even if he wanted to punch a wall. Too handsome!! What the hell!! How could people like this exist? What was this walking photoshop? How was Shen Qingqiu supposed to get a girlfriend when men looked like this? Where was the fairness in this world? The original goods couldn't be considered ugly by a long shot, but still…! He was jerked out of his thoughts when Bingge reached out with his hand. 

If Binghe wanted to kill him, he would have done so already. Shen Qingqiu had reached enough endings in the NPC Simulator System to know the smallest slight against the protagonist would end in his death- so he stayed still and let the man do as he pleased. Bingge grinned at his compliance and gently lifted a lock of Shen Qingqiu's hair. 

“Shizun, fight back a bit,” he commented before dropping the strands back onto Shen Qingqiu's shoulder. “Shizun is being so obedient… it's boring.” 

“This master would like to talk.”

“Mhm, not interested.” The hand that had previously been playing with his hair reached downwards. Shen Qingqiu shivered when the tip of Bingge's fingernail traced down his neck, until he finally hooked his hand into the teal robe's neckline. Shen Qingqiu was pulled forward, and Binghe’s hand- huh!? Where was his hand touching? 

“Luo Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu shouted in surprise. Get that right, understand!? He was shouting ! It was not a moan! Binghe squeezed Shen Qingqiu's ass again, his free hand holding him in place by the waist. 

He didn't know what kind of fucked up power play this was, but Shen Qingqiu was not having it! He hit Binghe with a spiritual blast. 

…rather, he would have hit Binghe with a spiritual blast. If Without a Cure hadn't chosen now to block his cultivation. 

“Shizun, stop playing coy,” Bingge demanded. He leaned his forehead against Shen Qingqiu's. Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to rebuke him, and the other man took that opportunity. 

It wasn't his first kiss. Can you imagine? How lame would it be if he'd died without ever kissing a girl? But, well, his one and only kiss in his old life was more of a peck on the lips than anything… he’d definitely never been kissed so deeply and intimately in either life. The tongue in his mouth was practically massaging into his, hot pressure making Shen Qinqiu's eyes roll into the back of his head.

Bingge’s tongue felt like it had literally slid down his throat. Could he do that? Maybe demons had long tongues that could really go that deep… haha, what was he thinking? He wasn't into weird monster features like that… Despite himself, Shen Qingqiu couldn't hold back a moan. 

Even if Without a Cure had ruined Shen Qingqiu's cultivation, he could safely say his physical strength had been unaffected. Yet, his knees felt weak, and he'd given up that futile attempt to push Binghe away. The demon lord squeezed at Shen Qingqiu's waist, and suddenly he was like putty in the man's hold, unable to do anything but grip on to him. 

He really couldn't fight it. The way that absurdly long tongue slid against his was just… it felt like his brain was melting. When Binghe pulled his head away, Shen Qingqiu stupidly tried to follow his mouth. Bingge held his head back in place with a fist in his hair, and it was a good thing he did- half a second passed before a sword flew between their faces. 

Narrowly missing Bingge's head, the blade cut into a wall. Then it flew back to the room's entrance, where- oh no.

Luo Binghe- his student- grabbed Zheng Yang and pointed it at the other version of himself. Shen Qingqiu felt his heart drop. 

Oh, don't, please don't, Binghe, this master is begging, please don't say- 

"Get away from my husband!" 

Luo Bingge and Shen Qingqiu both threw up blood upon hearing that. 

His disciple's appearance was like a bucket of cold water thrown in Shen Qingqiu's face. With Bingge dumbstruck by the word ‘husband’, Shen Qingqiu managed to jump out of his hold and rushed to the boy who'd just arrived. 

“Shizun, what did he do to you!?” Binghe was furious, yet at the same time, looked to be on the verge of tears. Ah, his sweet crybaby student. If the ruthless emperor before them was Bing-ge, then his maiden-hearted student would naturally be Bing-mei. 

“Shizun,” Bingge called, “why did you go to him?” 

The two Luo Binghes eyed each other. Shen Qingqiu really couldn't tell what Bingmei was thinking- only that a twinge of recognition was unfurling in him. “Who…”

If two protagonists fought, one centuries older and one a disciple, would the protagonist's halo affect them equally…? 

Bingge moved faster than Shen Qingqiu’s eyes could track, and smacked Bingmei into a corner of the room. 

“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu rushed to the Binghe-shaped hole in the cabinet, sets of teacups and plates shattered over his body. He quickly dusted the debris off his student before the broken shards and chipped wood could cut into Bingmei. “Binghe? Binghe!”

Knocked out five seconds into a fight. Shen Qingqiu was completely and utterly fucked. If the protagonist didn't stand a chance, how could he? Shen Qingqiu glared back at Bingge, who was watching the scene with a smile. “Begging shizun's pardon for the interruption. Shall we adjourn to bed?” 

Bingge was playing with them, and worst of all, he had no regard for Bingmei's life if it was an obstacle between tormenting Shen Qingqiu. At the moment he had to prioritize Binghe’s safety over himself- there were plot devices to grow back an arm and such, but the system was powered by the protagonist. If Shen Qingqiu died, he had the mushroom body. If Binghe died, it would be the end of them both along with everyone in this world. 

For that reason, he protectively pulled Bingmei into his arms and said to Bingge, "you can tear off my limbs, but don't hurt my student!" 

“What is this act of yours, Shen Qingqiu?” Bingge’s grin transformed into a furious scowl. “You're a scumbag. You know it, I know it. Everyone knows it .” He stabbed Xin Mo into Shen Qingqiu's right leg, and Shen Qingqiu screamed. The demon lord watched him writhe in pain before he pulled it out again. “Who are you trying to fool by playing this martyr?”

Pressing shaking hands against his wound, Shen Qingqiu could only numbly think that the man was right. Shen Qingqiu was prepared to hug Binghe's thighs, to coddle and teach him until he grew into a healthy young man. Shen Qingqiu was willing to play the part of a scum villain, the obstacle Binghe had to cut down in order to become stronger. In his attempt to do both, he… 

This kind of half-assed act… it wasn't fair to the protagonist at all. 

Shen Qingqiu hung his head in shame. Luo Bingge only grew more irritated at the sight. “Why? Answer me.” 

They both paused at the sound of footsteps approaching. If the situation was bad before, it had become much worse: Shen Jiu entered. 

“I told you to leave!” Shen Qingqiu cried. 

Shen Jiu shook his head. “Shizun, I brought help!” 

Hope finally blossomed in Shen Qingqiu again. Who did he bring!? Shen Qingqiu’s mind was racing with possibilities. He’d always said he’d want to see Liu Qingge and Bingge fight, but realistically, wouldn’t the protagonist win? Although, if Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge worked together, two peak lords might manage it. Or maybe it was the sect leader- that’s right, Yue Qingyuan never fought Luo Binghe in the original… If he actually tried, would he be able to take him on? 

Ning Yingying ran in after Shen Jiu. “I’m here!” 

…

“Oh.” Shen Qingiqu commented. “And who else?” 

“Don’t worry shizun,” Yingying beamed. “We don’t need anyone else!” 

…

Well, he’d had a nice second life… 

By now, Bing Yingying had already become a beautiful young woman. Bingge’s lips lifted into a smile at the sight of his wife and Yingying stepped between the two men, spreading her arms out protectively. “A-Luo, I don’t know why there are two of you, or why you look like this, but… you’re scaring shizun and our shidi!” 

Bingge sighed. “Yingying-”

“What the hell is this Yingying nonsense!?” Ning Yingying screeched. “I am your shijie!” 

Bingge snorted and looked down at the young woman. Condescendingly, he said, “well then, shijie, this shidi humbly requests for you to get the hell out of the way .” 

Clearly the wrong thing to say, the way her shoulders hunched in fury. “You dare disrespect your elder martial sister!?” 

Binghe’s smug look faded back into the annoyance from before. “Yingying, we’ll talk after. This lord is-” 

Binghe didn’t even finish his sentence before Ning Yingying landed an uppercut right into his jaw. The strike didn’t even move Binghe’s head an inch, like he’d been smacked by a baby. As the sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the room, Shen Qingqiu’s heart raced. He’d never had to worry about protecting his only female student. As Luo Binghe’s first wife, she had the wife halo to protect her at all times. Luo Binghe wouldn’t… he wouldn’t hurt her, right? Even if he killed anyone who dared oppose him, his own harem was off limits, right? 

He looked down at the girl. “What is the meaning of this?” 

“You're being a dick, so I hit you,” Yingying explained. 

Shen Qingqiu felt the last of his sanity slip away. 

“I never thought…” Though Bingge’s posture stayed as stoic and strong as ever, his face showed grief and betrayal he couldn't suppress. “Even when our shizun told you to stay away from me, or when everyone hated me… even when they called me a wretched demon, I never thought you would hit me.” 

“And I never thought you would grow into someone so unfilial!” Yingying shot back. “Now apologize!”

When Shen Qingqiu had transmigrated, he'd understood why Ning Yingying had been such a darling student to the original goods. The girl was energetic, confident, friendly, and loved by all her shixiongs and shidis on the peak. She'd arguably had the best character on the entire peak for cultivation- unlike the rest of Qing Jing, she'd always fought against the tide and formed her own opinions of right and wrong, and was the only person who'd stood up to Binghe's bullies. Shen Qingqiu had been appalled at the thought that a student with so much potential would be reduced to wife one out of hundreds. Surely, if Ning Yingying was a boy, Airplane would have written her character to be much more important and powerful than simple emotional-support for the protagonist. 

So, yes, maybe Shen Qingqiu had encouraged her to be a bit less altruistic. The girl had been so confused when he'd told her she didn't have to give up everything at the drop of a hat for a boy, and that she held value as a cultivator of her own. That she didn't have to be the one to coddle her shidis, and it was okay for her to train for herself. Shen Qingqiu really wanted to see what the girl would be like if she had the chance to be ‘ Ning Yingying’ instead of ‘Luo Binghe's wife.’

Sure, he'd expected her personality to have changed a bit- but by this much? Yet here she was! Binghe's first wife! The girl that had been by his side through it all, smacking him around and calling him a little bitch!

Luo Bingge’s eyes glowed red. “Flee while this lord has generosity to spare.” 

“You will not hurt shizun,” Yingying said resolutely. 

“Yingying, move .” Qi rolled off his body threateningly, but Ning Yingying stood firmly in place. 

“It’s shijie,” she corrected, “and no.” 

Luo Binghe growled. When his hand reached for Xin Mo, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t take it anymore. “Yingying, go!” The girl didn’t budge. 

System! System, Ning Yingying can’t die, right!? 

[...] 

“Wait! Binghe, don’t!” Shen Qingqiu called out. However, unable to move and unable to use his qi, he was easily ignored by the two. 

Luo Binghe lifted Xin Mo in his hands and prepared to swing. It seemed it was true what they said: during life and death situations, things moved in slow motion. 

…no, wait. Luo Binghe really wasn’t moving. 

Bingge grit his teeth, holding the sword over Yingying’s head threateningly, but did nothing more. If it weren’t for the slight shaking of his hand, Shen Qingqiu would really have thought time had stopped. 

“Why are you getting in my way?” Bingge whispered. “Shen Qingqiu doesn’t hate me here, so you do, is that it? I can never have it all?” 

“I don’t hate you, A-Luo.” Yingying finally let her arms down. “You’re obnoxious, rude, unfilial…”

Yingying, was your plan to insult him to death?

“...but I like A-Luo because he is my precious shidi.” 

In the end, Bingge couldn't raise a hand against his shijie after all. He lowered his weapon. 

That’s right… Shen Qinqiu had transmigrated when Luo Binghe was fourteen. Ning Yingying had been with him since the day he arrived on Qing Jing, doting on the sweet child when everyone else turned their backs to him. If Shen Qingqiu’s heart hurt seeing Bingge be so cruel, he could only imagine what Yingying was feeling. 

“That’s why it's painful to see you this way,” she continued. “A-Luo is forgiving, and selfless, and pays back kindness tenfold. What happened to my beloved shidi?” 

In Proud Immortal Demon Way, Yingying was simply a stepping stone for Luo Binghe. The girl-next-door type first love, she was innocent and bubbly, and supported Luo Binghe unconditionally. As the story progressed, Airplane’s love interests became crafted with bolder personalities and features, specifically made to appeal to readers’ fantasies. Who cared about the sweet loving girl from chapter one when there was a sexy, flirty, elf wearing nothing but lingerie? Ning Yingying, boring and plain in comparison, was quickly made obsolete. Binghe’s first wife, his first friend , barely appeared after a hundred chapters.  

While Binghe had stagnated into the same routine of killing and sex, Yingying had matured. Other members of the harem might have plotted assassinations and thrown fits for Binghe’s attention, but she was collected and unbothered, welcoming every new wife gracefully. 

Conflict was evident on Bingge’s face. Forgetting that he wasn’t speaking with his own world’s Ning Yingying, he asked, “how long have you felt this way?” 

“How long?” Yingying repeated. “Great question.” She smiled and turned her head. “How long has it been, A-Jiu?” 

Caught up in the emotional conversation, Shen Qingqiu had forgotten about Shen Jiu. The boy was hunched over, kneeling with his palms pressed against the floor. In a strained voice, he answered, “long enough!” 

Yingying stepped back and an array glowed underneath Luo Bingge. 

He growled softly under his breath, reaching out, only for his hand to stop against thin air. He somewhat resembled a mime, pretending to be stuck inside an invisible box.

Shen Jiu was sweating and panting as he stood on weak legs. Despite this, he was shining with pride. “Shizun, I told you… I said- I said I would protect you from that beast Luo Binghe…!” 

It should have been impossible for such a young cultivator to trap a heavenly demon. Unless, he'd spent months pouring qi into talismans embedded into the bamboo house. A risky move- if Binghe stood anywhere outside the circle, or if he couldn't be distracted long enough to stay still for several minutes, the entire endeavour would have been pointless. 

“Han Jiu…” This boy… how much time and energy had he spent on this? Shen Qingqiu nearly teared up from the love he felt for his students. 

Bingge bared his teeth at Shen Jiu. “Who even are you!?” 

With Xin Mo still in his hand, he slashed at his invisible cage. The three cultivators stiffened at the sight and released anxious breaths when the array held. For now, at least.

While his students grinned and celebrated with high-fives, Binghe stood in the bright circle, alone with his sword. The sight was a very lonely picture. 

“So these are the lengths Qing Jing will go to in order to protect their disciples.” Bingge said quietly. “Do you know? Qing Jing never once protected me like this.” Luo Binghe didn’t look at Ning Yingying, or Shen Jiu, or Shen Qingqiu. He stared right at Bingmei, passed out in his arms. “How did he do it, shizun? How did he convince everyone he’s worth loving? I can do it too. I’m sure I’ll be better than him.” 

The satisfaction quickly drained away from everyone present. Now there was only discomfort and sympathy on their faces. Of course someone as proud as Luo Bingge wouldn’t take that. He cut the air with Xin Mo. With the portal behind him, he held a hand out towards Shen Qingqiu’s direction. “Come with me.” 

Shen Qingqiu held Bingmei tighter.

Bingge tracked the motion with his eyes. “Shizun, why can’t it be me?” 

For a moment, Shen Qingqiu's heart hurt a bit. 

Get a hold of yourself, idiot! This is Bing-ge! He's a manipulative asshole!  

Binghe exhaled a frustrated sigh. Like he was dealing with a particularly stubborn child, he said, “stop being difficult.” 

Back when he'd eaten that vibrating artefact, he'd felt the sensation of something moving inside his stomach. Luo Binghe's blood parasites were in a league of their own. Shen Qingqiu keeled over, trying to hold back tears. The term ‘parasite’ was accurate! It felt like there were little bugs eating him up from the inside- Shen Qingqiu wasn't sure whether he wanted to throw up or cut his belly open and force them out. 

Bingge was clearly out of patience this time when he repeated, “come with me.” 

His two disciples jumped over to tend to him. “Shizun, what's wrong!?” Whatever they saw on Shen Qingqiu's face was clearly dire enough for them to go so pale in distress. 

Shen Qingqiu, Bingmei, Shen Jiu, and Ning Yingying all had nothing they could do against this sort of attack. There was only one place left to ask for help, as much as he loathed to consider it.

System.

[...]

Fucking useless piece of- 

Shen Qingqiu soldiered on. I can't go with him. He knew by now the only way to make the system cooperate was by appealing to its love for angst. If I don't go with him, he'll kill me. If I leave or die, who will push Binghe into the abyss?

[...]

[...Luo Binghe must enter the Endless Abyss.]

Never had he been so happy to see those words! That's right, I need to push Binghe into the abyss! So get rid of this guy!

[...]

[...one moment.]

[...]

[...]

[Demon Lord Luo Binghe will be sent back to his original world.]

Shen Qingqiu nearly cried from relief when the blood parasites halted. He shared one last look with Luo Bingge, who only looked shocked and… afraid. He desperately grabbed Xin Mo again, but-

[Demon Lord Luo Binghe has been sent back to his original world.]

Just like that, the danger was gone. 

Shen Jiu fell onto his back, exhausted. Ning Yingying plopped down onto the floor as well and let out a long wail. Shen Qingqiu could finally release the breath he'd been holding, and he let go of Bingmei, propping up his unconscious body against the wall next to him. 

“Ning Yingying. Han Jiu. Come here, now .” 

The two of them stiffened at the harsh tone and kneeled in front of their teacher. 

“Yingying, you did not listen to your master when ordered to leave. Han Jiu, you brought another disciple in the case of an emergency instead of a peak lord.” His students bit their tongues, looking at the bamboo house’s floor. “Today, you recklessly disrespected every rule I’ve ever set about personal safety.” 

They jolted in surprise when he pulled them into a hug. 

“However… the two of you demonstrated wonderful teamwork, planning skills, and came to your shizun’s aid. This master is proud to have raised such incredible children.” 

Yingying and Shen Jiu sniffled and returned the hug. The three of them held each other for several minutes, mentally catching up on what they'd just gone through.

“Shizun, this disciple brought mail!” 

Ming Fan stepped into the room, staring at the scene with an armful of letters. A glowing blue array was still lit up, surrounded by trashed furniture. Zheng Yang was still half-embedded into the floor. Shen Qingqiu’s leg was bloody and bruised, and he had Ning Yingying and Shen Jiu on each side of him. Luo Binghe was still knocked out. 

Qing Jing's head disciple took in the state of the bamboo house. Slowly, Ming Fan finally said, “shizun, did… did I miss something?” 

Mu Qingfang changed his bloody bandages. “Again, how did this happen?” 

Shen Jiu had grumbled about it, but in the end he'd agreed along with his shijie to conceal Binghe's identity. “Shizun walked into a door,” he said. 

Mu Qingfang made a face only a medical practitioner dealing with children could make. “Shen Qingqiu has a sword wound full of demonic qi because he walked into a door.” 

Yingying nodded. “Yeah, we really need to get less dangerous doors on Qing Jing.” 

Mu Qingfang directed his gaze to Luo Binghe, asleep on a bed. “His concussion and spinal injury?”

“Door,” Ning Yingying and Shen Jiu answered at once. 

His children were so fucking stupid. Shen Qingqiu loved them so much. 

One qi transfer later, he and Binghe were nearly healed. Mu Qingfang was called away and left the teacher and disciple pair alone in the infirmary- but not before chasing out Yingying and Shen Jiu and giving Shen Qingqiu a look that meant he'd needle the truth out of him later. 

Luo Binghe looked so peaceful asleep. With his long lashes and flawless skin, he really looked like a princess waiting to be woken up by a kiss. Shen Qingqiu stroked his cheek, and Binghe's eyes slowly fluttered open. “Shizun…?” 

“Mhm, it's shizun.” Shen Qingqiu patted his head. “Go back to sleep.” 

Unfilial boy that he was, Binghe ignored his words and sat up. “Shizun, what happened?” 

The bandage around Shen Qingqiu's leg was really completely unnecessary. There was only a thin scratch left at this point, but his Mu-shidi had insisted he keep it wrapped in case the wound reopened. Binghe’s eyes watered at the sight, and Shen Qingqiu quickly assured him, “this master is fine. This is nothing of note.” 

Binghe stared at his lap, self loathing clear for anyone to see. "Shizun was right," he said quietly. "I need to be stronger." There were tears of frustration in his eyes. "I couldn't protect my husband, just like you said." 

Shen Qingqiu had said something like that, hadn't he? ‘How will you ever get a wife if you can't protect her?’ It seemed like months since he'd said those words to Luo Binghe, trying to explain to the boy that the abyss was something he should want. Not that it mattered in the end, how either of them felt about it. Luo Binghe must enter the abyss, after all. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. He really had been too gentle until now, and it was time he nipped this whole 'husband' matter in the bud, once and for all. "Binghe, we are not husbands." Binghe stilled, clenching his fists into the bed sheets while Shen Qingqiu brutally continued, “our relationship is purely that of shizun and disciple. This master would never ask anything more of you. I don't want to hear this marriage nonsense again.” 

Binghe was quiet before he finally said, "shizun kissed him." 

Shen Qingqiu bristled. " He kissed me !" 

"Shizun let him," Binghe accused. "Shizun enjoyed it." 

What the hell kind of victim blaming was that!? 

… but yeah, it wasn't that bad… 

Shen Qingqiu hastily whipped out his fan, but clearly not fast enough, judging by Binghe's burning eyes. "What does he have that I don't?" 

If Shen Qinqqiu had a soul stone for every time a version of Luo Binghe demanded something along the lines of, ‘why would you choose him and not me!’ in the course of one day... 

Mr. Protagonist, Shen Qingqiu was aware no one else in the world would reject you, but this master was doing this for your own good!! If he let this fantasy continue, by the time you came to your senses, no woman would give you the time of day! 

Originally, the scum villain had been wrongfully accused of lusting after Ning Yingying. Now it looked like Shen Qingqiu would be tried for lusting after Luo Binghe! Out of the pan and into the fire indeed! He had to make it clear right away he had no interest in these kinds of relationships! 

“For one thing, he’s not my student,” Shen Qinqiu answered. “This master would never k… ki… do anything intimate with a child!” 

“Child!?” Binghe cried out. “Shizun, this disciple is seventeen!” 

“…that’s a child, Binghe.” When his student whined, he held up a hand demanding silence and continued. “However, putting that aside… I am an immortal master and a peak lord. Even a relationship with an ordinary adult would result in influence. A demon lord stronger than me does not have to worry about me controlling them.” 

“Shizun would never,” Binghe protested. 

“The fact that you believe so only shows how naive Binghe is.” 

Binghe bit his lip, but tears still fell down his cheeks. 

“The Xiu Ya sword is something Binghe takes too lightly,” Shen Qingqiu ended his speech. “That demon you met had Xin Mo, the strongest weapon in the world, so he could afford to be reckless. Binghe would do well to remember: he should not give himself to someone who can easily overpower him.”

"Xin Mo…” Binghe whispered. 

The two of them fell into silence. Eventually, Binghe pulled back the sheets, his bare feet touching the ground. 

He stared at the floor, inexpressive. "This disciple understands," he murmured. Then he turned and left without another word. Shen Qingqiu could only sit alone, staring at the door with guilt eating at his heart. 

[+2000 heartbreak points!]  

Luo Binghe didn’t speak with him after that. He didn’t go to classes, didn’t dress him, didn’t start Shen Qingqiu’s days with ‘good morning, shizun!’ and a smile for his teacher. Shen Qingqiu would wake to find his breakfast on his table, and he’d eat unaccompanied, no sounds in the room except the clinking of utensils against the bowl. 

It really wasn't a big deal. This was what his life would be like after a few days, after all. He wasn't lonely and he was not having a lover's spat or whatever people said! If his other disciples wanted to keep him company and take over Binghe's old chores, he wasn't going to refuse the extra help, that was all!

Shen Qingqiu slid a letter into the envelope. “Binghe, pass the stamp.” 

“...shizun.” 

Shen Qinqiu tried to fight the heat on his face when he remembered who was helping him sort the mail. “Apologies, Luo Binghe usually helps with-”

“What did he do?” Shen Jiu hissed. “Shizun, I’ll kill him!” 

He bopped the boy’s head with his fan. “He did nothing. This master is at fault.” Shen Jiu’s scepticism was written all over his face, and Shen Qingqiu felt a smile for the first time in days. “Let's take a break and visit the pond, hm?” 

The fresh air and sunlight lifted his spirits. The koi were dancing under the small bridge. 

“Is…” Shen Qingqiu watched the fish. “Is Binghe doing alright? Is he eating?” 

“Shizun shouldn’t worry so much about that beast.” Shen Jiu wrinkled his nose. When Shen Qingqiu fell quiet, the boy huffed. “He's fine! He just holes himself up in the library everyday and doesn't talk to anyone. Good riddance.” 

It was only after he'd finished his duties and lessons that Shen Qinqiu made his way to the library. Luo Binghe’s hair was easily identifiable, even if he was slumped onto the desk in his sleep. Was this where he’d been all this time? Did he practically move into the study in order to avoid Shen Qingqiu? That stupid urge to coddle Binghe and ask for his forgiveness was back. What was he even supposed to apologize for? ‘Sorry I fake married you, I thought it would prevent your fall into hell.’  

He sighed and cleared the books littered around his desk, giving the open encyclopaedias glances here and there. 

Demons will refuse to follow a leader unless completely satisfied with the emperor's power. There has not been a ruler for the demon realm since Tianlang-Jun was sealed away.

Chang Jiang was the last to possess the infamous and all-powerful Xin Mo. Shortly after his ascent, he’d taken up the challenge to explore the Endless Abyss and was never seen again.  

Little is known about the Endless Abyss. It is difficult to enter and impossible to leave. Those who have managed to survive glances at its opening have described it as ‘hellish’, full of raging flames and illusions.

Shen Qingqiu could only take off his thickest layer and drape it over the boy to keep him warm during the night. And then he took off another layer and folded it into a small pillow, and placed it underneath Binghe’s head. 

…what? His neck would hurt otherwise! 

After making sure his student would be able to get a good night’s sleep, he alerted the librarian to not disturb Luo Binghe.  

The day of the conference, Shen Qingqiu was afraid Luo Binghe would refuse to go. But this was Luo Binghe, after all. He'd packed before any other disciple, even if he didn't say a word to Shen Qingqiu the entire trip. Qi Qingqi asked why kept ‘stealing glances out the window like a jilted lover’, but didn't tease him any further regarding the way he watched his student. 

Arriving at Jue Di Gorge, he ignored everything the Huan Hua palace master rambled on about, barely even watching the disciples begin their hunting. Next to him, Shang Qinghua munched on some snack like it was a baseball game. “You ever think about how Bingge and Qin Wanyue were just rawdogging in front of the entire cultivation world?” 

If they were alone, Shen Qingqiu would have given his fellow cultivator the beating of a lifetime. Unfortunately, they were in the middle of a vast audience and he could only hide his rage behind his fan. “The spirit eagles don’t censor that?” 

“Ha! And get rid of the only interesting part of the event?” 

Well, maybe it was for the best! Shen Qingqiu could say Binghe had disgraced the sect by showing everyone- ah, no, no. Public indecency was hardly something that warranted the Endless Abyss. 

After meeting Bingge, Shen Qingqiu could no longer try to kill Bingmei for being a heavenly demon. It would be pretty hypocritical after he was caught making out with- ahem . Needing a new reason to push his student into the abyss, he was planning to blame Luo Binghe for the demon invasion, claiming he invited them. It was a completely nonsense accusation- how would a seventeen year old disciple manage something like that? So Shen Qingqiu kept an eye out, desperately hoping for a better excuse to pop up at the last minute. 

It took hours before Shen Qingqiu saw the first flare for help. After that, lights filled the sky until it was impossible to see who didn't need help. 

When the other peak lords attempted to stop him from rushing into the fray, Shen Qingqiu grabbed Shang Qinghua by the scruff of his neck like some mangy cat. “This master will have help.” 

Quickly stepping onto their swords, they rushed towards the disasters, scanning the monster riddled terrain for whatever signs of the protagonist they could find.

When the two of them caught sight of Luo Binghe, he had already made his way to the clearing where his final battle on the surface would take place before he was cast into the abyss, unhindered by papapa plots. When Binghe saw his shizun (and Shang Shishu was there too. I guess) flying down he cried out for him- "Shizun!” 

That was the first thing Binghe had said to him in nearly a week- and for completely unrelated reasons, he wavered on his sword a little as they touched ground.

Shang Qinghua smacked his arm. “Bro, focus!”

“Stay calm,” Shen Qingqiu instructed Binghe, even if his own heart was pounding. The earth shook, and he mentally prepared himself for what was about to come when the ground split into a large crack, sickly heat and demonic light spilling from it like an inflamed wound. 

So distracted by the sight, they didn't notice the approaching danger until it was too late. A beast lunged straight at their group with razor-like talons. 

Shang Qinghua screamed. Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu drew their swords quickly, but a freezing cold gust- all the more startling for being right next to the abyss, radiating sickly heat- rushed them before their weapons could be put to use. Faster than they could see, frost covered the surrounding grass and a large icicle had impaled the large eagle-shaped threat. Shen Qingqiu hadn't really thought much about Mobei-Jun's character outside of his supporting role for Luo Binghe, so he'd mainly seen official arts and moved on. In person, he was much more impressive, at least seven feet tall- eight if you included the crystalline horns glittering with frost- and packed with muscle. 

Mobei-Jun stepped towards them, and Shen Qingqiu felt cold sweat run down his back. Was Binghe supposed to have his seal broken by him? That wasn't how things had gone in PIDW! 

He swept his thick robe with an arm, coming to stop in front of their group. “This Mobei-Jun protects his servants.” Then he looked down at Shang Qinghua expectantly. 

Shang Qinghua blinked before nervously waving his hands. “Oh, yes, thank you, my king!” 

“I have no interest in thanks,” the demon spat furiously. 

“My king, this lowly one meant to say my king is the most powerful of all!” Shang Qinghua fell to his knees, clinging to Mobei-Jun's leg. “Xiao-Hua is most grateful! My king is so strong, and handsome, and peerless-” 

Mobei-Jun cut him off with a punch, looking much more satisfied. 

“Shang-shishu!” Binghe aimed Zheng Yang at Mobei-Jun furiously. “Step back! You will not touch my beta reader!” 

His what ?

Mobei-Jun was equally enraged, and lunged at the boy. “You dare lay claim on him!?” 

Shen Qingqiu was ready to rush in when Shang Qinghua held him back. “He's fine, he's fine, protagonist halo, remember?” Seeing Shen Qingqiu's hesitance, he continued, “let him get hit by some demonic qi, he'll need it to break his seal.” 

The two clashed, leaving the peak lords standing on the side. Shang Qinghua stretched his arms. “Casualties aside, this is a really nice day! The weather's perfect for an Immortal Alliance Conference!” 

Shen Qingqiu didn't dignify that with a response. 

One final strike sent Luo Binghe flying over to the rift. With the protagonist out of the way, Mobei-Jun returned and reached down, picking Shang Qinghua up under his arms like a baby. With his legs curled up, Shang Qinghua was nearly half his height, and his face was painted red from the cold. “My-my king?” 

Mobei-Jun lightly punched the small man in the stomach. Before Shang Qinghua could say another word, the demon threw the An Ding peak lord's body over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “We're going home.” 

Shang Qinghua flailed his stubby little legs. “Ah, my king! Our invasion isn't over! And I still need to get back to the others! They'll suspect me if disappear right after all this, please understand-”

Mobei-Jun growled. As quickly as he'd hoisted up his servant, the ice demon was throwing him off again. Shang Qinghua hit the trunk of a tree, coughing up some blood. “Fine! Then stay!” Shang Qinghua pretended to pass out and didn't move when Mobei-Jun opened a portal. 

Shen Qingqiu was speechless at the jealous way Mobei-Jun stomped off. Did he just watch some domestic argument he wasn't supposed to see? 

At least Luo Binghe's seal had been broken. The plot may have been bent to hell and back, but it was still going.

There really was no way out of this, was there?

[Luo Binghe must enter the Endless Abyss.]

Shen Qingqiu breathed in deeply. Time to become the scum villain. 

Every step towards the rift felt heavier and heavier. Luo Binghe’s disciple's robes were caked with dirt, but he'd pulled himself to his feet. Shen Qingqiu noticed with concern how he was leaning on one leg, and reprimanded himself for the thought. 

Hardening his voice, he demanded, “did Luo Binghe know this would happen?” 

In the back of his mind he heard Bingge's voice. What is this act of yours, Shen Qingqiu?

Luo Binghe didn't turn at his teacher's words. He just stared into the rift, mesmerized. “...it's the Endless Abyss.”

Shen Qingqiu coughed awkwardly. “How long has Luo Binghe been practising demonic arts?”

Binghe just stared down the rift. “Down there… Xin Mo is there.” 

Hello? Luo Binghe? Shen Qingqiu was trying to change the trajectory of your life forever here! Please, pay attention!

He finally turned, looking at Shen Qingqiu with determination, and his teacher finally had the chance to see that new glowing mark on his forehead. Shen Qingqiu was so caught off guard by the sudden fire in his student's eyes, he let his sword drop to his side. “Shizun.” Binghe held his fist and bowed. “This disciple must go.” 

“Go?” Shen Qingqiu repeated stupidly. 

Binghe nodded. “Into the abyss.” 

[...]

“What?” Shen Qingqiu croaked out. 

Binghe stepped closer, until they were barely a few inches apart. This would be the last time Shen Qingqiu would see his student's eyes before they filled with murderous intent, so he stared into them deeply. 

“Shizun,” Binghe whispered softly. “Shizun, this disciple will return.” His dirty hands reached up to cup Shen Qingqiu's face. “This disciple will return to shizun as an emperor, like shizun wants.”

Like shizun wants? When had he ever said-

Shen Qingqiu's thoughts were cut off when Binghe pulled him down, and pressed their lips together. 

While Bingge had the skill to drive anyone crazy, the boy kissing him right now had no idea what he was doing. Binghe bit his lips like he was chewing on them, licked him like a slobbering dog, and their teeth bumped together more than once. It was the worst kiss he’d ever experienced. But it was by far the most passionate. Even Shen Qingqiu couldn't deny the love and affection Luo Binghe was conveying to him. 

Sloppy as it was, when Binghe finally pulled back, a thick string of saliva connected their mouths. All reason had left him at this point, so Shen Qingqiu could only think, ‘ that actually happens outside of R18 manga?’

Binghe's cheeks were bright red, an overjoyed smile on his face. The rift behind them creaked, and Binghe returned to its edge. Holding Zheng Yang, he gave his teacher one last glance. "Wait for me, shizun." 

Then he jumped in, seconds before the rift closed. 

[Congratualtions, congratulations, congratulations! Important things must be said-]

Shen Qingqiu fell to his knees. He couldn't even pay attention to the system at the moment. What the fuck just happened? What the fuck just happened!?

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know how long he sat there, staring at the ground. Someone said something to him, but it was muffled, like he was listening from the other side of a wall. A strong hand pulled him up, and he was seated onto a bench and covered with a blanket. “Give him some space,” Mu Qingfang ordered. “He’s in shock.” 

Shen Qingqiu lifted his head and saw nearly half of Cang Qiong’s peak lords watching him with concern.

Yue Qingyuan gave him that gentle, concerned look. “Shidi, what happened?” 

Shen Qingqiu would like to know that as well! 

The next to speak up was Qi Qingqi. “Wait, where’s that disciple of yours?” 

"Luo Binghe just… he…" Shen Qingqiu’s fingers settled on his lips. 

“Why are you acting like this violated maiden, ah?” Shang Qinghua nudged him teasingly with his elbow while the others glared at him to shut up. “Did he make out with you or something?” 

Shen Qingqiu gasped sharply, his face colouring. 

All was still before Shang Qinghua excitedly punched into the sky. “I knew he’d confess during the conference!” 

Binghe would confess…? "You knew?" Shen Qingqiu choked out. 

"Bro. Everyone knew." 

“Everyone?” Shen Qingqiu repeated. “What do you mean everyone…” 

The other peak lords avoided his eyes. 

The situation sunk into him. “All… all of you? You all knew!?” 

"I read his Bingqiu fanfiction," Shang Qinghua said. "Yes, that's exactly what it sounds like." 

As if recalling a traumatic experience, Mu Qingfang shivered. "Luo Binghe told me in therapy." 

"I also read Bingqiu fanfiction," Qi Qingqi added. "And I get frequent updates from Liu Mingyan." 

"No way, any Bingqiu recommendations?" Shang Qinghua asked her conversationally, as if Shen Qingqiu’s world was not falling apart . 

Wei Qingwei joined their little group, dropping several boxes of first aid supplies in front of Mu Qingfang. "What's going on?"

"Luo Binghe finally confessed," Qi Qingqi explained.

"Oh, I remember Luo Binghe!" Unlike the Bai Zhan War God and his lean muscles maintained for speed, the Wan Jian peak lord had the bulky body of a swordsmith. Shen Qingqiu watched the huge man blush and sigh like an elderly woman recounting her youth. "The day he came for his sword, this master asked what he was hoping for. He said, 'a sword that can always serve shizun.' How romantic…" Seeing Shen Qingqiu’s distress, Wei Qingwei coughed. "I-I mean, who? No idea who you guys are talking about…" 

Shen Qingqiu looked to Yue Qingyuan for help, but the sect leader just blinked back at him in surprise. "So shidi and Luo Binghe were not already-"

"Don't." Shen Qingqiu held up one hand in interruption, the other pressed against his feverish forehead. "Don't finish that sentence." 

Mu Qingfang cleared his throat. “Right then, Luo Binghe is currently…?”

“Luo Binghe… followed the demons on a mission to unearth the culprits of this disaster.”

Chapter Text

Shang Qinghua sat in the emperor’s court with a fine wine in his hand. There was no one else in the stony grand hall, and he’d been invited specially as a guest and advisor for the new heavenly demon that had united the land under his rule. Surely, anyone else in his position would be jumping for joy. Unfortunately, as much as Shang Qinghua loved his son, Lord Luo Binghe was driving him crazy. 

Luo Binghe’s fingers tapped his armrest impatiently. “How about now?” 

“More time is required,” Shang Qinghua answered. 

His son had emerged from the Endless Abyss in not five, not three, but less than two years! This meant he was not the strapping twenty-two year old young man fresh out of the abyss, instead the demon realm had bowed down to an emotional and hormonal teenage boy. 

Binghe shifted until he sprawled across the throne, one leg slung over the gold handle as he stared at the ceiling. “Can I see shizun yet?” 

“It's not recommended,” Shang Qinghua repeated. 

They fell into silence once more. It was suffocating and awkward and boring. Shang Qinghua mentally reviewed his duties for the northern realm during this period. 

After about twenty minutes of this, Binghe said, “can I see him now ?” 

Yes, this was how his days went. When Luo Binghe made Mobei-Jun his subordinate and found out that made Shang Qinghua his subject as well, he was ecstatic to have his old beta reader back. How despairing. Even the Endless Abyss hadn’t managed to stomp out Junshang’s writing habits. “Not yet.” 

Despite asking for his advice, the protagonist pouted at the answer. “Why must I wait!” 

Shang Qinghua sighed. “Junshang said Cucum- ahem, Shen-shixiong rejected you because he saw you as a child. It wouldn’t change much to see him while you’re still a teenager.” 

He swung his feet down, sitting upright on his throne. "Teenager!?" Binghe gasped pathetically. 

"Yes," Shang Qinghua explained slowly. "Lord Luo is nine- teen. Therefore, a teen -ager." 

The OP stallion protagonist of his most popular story, Proud Immortal Demon Way, hunched over his seat with his head in his hands. 

“I want to see shizun,” Binghe whispered. “I feel like I'm going crazy.” Luo Binghe’s eyes watered. “What’s the point? Whether it’s here or in the Endless Abyss… if I can’t see shizun, aren’t I still in hell?” 

How poetic! Shang Qinghua made a note to steal that line. 

The two of them had agreed to wait until Binghe was twenty. There were only a few months left until then, but Shang Qinghua’s sanity was truly fraying- and, well, Luo Binghe’s sanity had left years ago. Qinghua grabbed his seat’s cushion, using his brush to paint on it. Binghe watched him curiously as he drew on the pillow. After a few minutes, he proudly presented the finished work. “For Junshang.”  

Luo Binghe held the cushion with reverence. “It’s… beautiful.” 

“In my hometown, we have ‘body pillows’ where we get our beloved’s entire body printed on a human-sized cloth.” 

“I want a shizun body pillow,” Binghe mumbled as he held the shitty drawing against his chest. 

“This servant will commission one for Junshang,” Shang Qinghua said easily. Really, this whole civil servant thing was super easy! He’d farmed more gratitude points from the emperor than he could count! 

“I want to see shizun.” Binghe clutched the cushion with Shen Qingqiu’s face desperately. “Shizun,” Binghe repeated. “Shizun, shizun, shizun…” 

Shang Qinghua was really starting to worry about Cucumber-bro's safety. Not enough that he’d risk his own safety by not sacrificing Shen Qingqiu’s! But enough that he’d maybe buy him tea as an apology for setting Binghe after him. 

A blue vortex opened in the palace, and the room dropped several degrees. Shang Qinghua’s teeth chattered while he rubbed his arms. 

Mobei-Jun whacked the back of Shang Qinghua’s head. Then he threw forward the enchanted animal he’d been tasked with hunting down for Binghe. Then he hit Qinghua a second time before starting a proper conversation with his new emperor. 

Shang Qinghua internally cried while he felt the bump on his head. Shen Qingqiu wailed non-stop about how Binghe could kill him, but it was Shang Qinghua who was actually in danger! Peerless Cucumber, that lucky bastard, worrying over his life when anyone could see Binghe was obviously trying to romance him! He snuck a glance to his king, shuddering and quickly averting his eyes when he found Mobei-Jun already staring at him with an intense gaze. 

For some reason, Mobei-Jun always smacked him around a little extra when he talked to Binghe, like he was staking his claim on Shang Qinghua as his exclusive punching bag. Screw you, Shen Qingqiu! If there was a peak lord who had to worry about being killed, it was him! Shang Qinghua didn't have the luxury of misunderstanding a demon lord's courting! 

At moments like this, having Shang Qinghua’s allyship was truly a worthy investment. As head of logistics, he was in charge of the peak’s management- which meant on Luo Binghe’s twentieth birthday, Shen Qingqiu had been sent out on a mission to Binghe’s exact location. 

Luo Binghe was prepared, of course. He’d left Qing Jing so long ago to become someone powerful. So he orchestrated a perfect meeting for them to reunite: Binghe, holding his all-powerful sword, surrounded by awed Huan Hua disciples, a vicious beast under his foot. Binghe wiped blood off his hands coolly. 

He’d spent countless hours in the abyss just thinking of Shen Qingqiu. In a setting where nothing made sense and everything tried to kill him, daydreaming of his lovely shizun's countenance was his only way to stay sane. 

His imagination hasn't done Shen Qingqiu justice. Binghe’s heart thumped in his chest. Shizun was even more stunning than he remembered. 

Luo Binghe sheathed his sword, stepping off the creature and stopping in front of his master. “Shizun.” 

“Luo Binghe.” Shizun fluttered open a fan, but those beautiful brown eyes were still on display for him to greedily take in. Shen Qingqiu fanned himself in a way that could only be described as… shy. “Binghe has returned.” 

“How dare you refer to him so familiarly!” 

Luo Binghe glowered back at the Huan Hua disciple who had interrupted their romantic reunion, but another piped up quickly. “That’s right, don’t think Luo-shixiong will fall into your clutches again-”

“Quiet,” Binghe hissed. The others cowed back, alarmed by his reaction. He turned back to Shen Qingqiu, irritated to find his shizun’s earlier demure expression replaced with something unreadable. “Shizun, let’s speak somewhere private.”  

They left without another word to the disciples accompanying him. What a useless lot… their sole purpose had been to show shizun Binghe’s strength was worthy of acknowledgment, and instead they’d…! 

“Luo Binghe,” shizun called. 

Binghe’s entire body seemed to react. He wondered, if he pretended not to hear, would shizun say his name with his lovely voice again? “Shizun.”

They stared at each other for a few beats, until Shen Qinqiu turned away. “About… our last conversation…” 

Their brief kiss during the Immortal Alliance Conference. Binghe had sworn he return as someone stronger and worthy of shizun’s love. And now he had. Binghe smiled. “Shizun must realize, this Binghe is no longer that little boy you once knew.” 

Shen Qingqiu stilled. “...someone can change a lot in three years,” he admitted slowly. 

Binghe nodded eagerly- he was glad shizun was noticing how much he’d grown! “And this disciple has changed much.” 

Shizun’s face paled, looking almost sick. Before Binghe could ask after him, his master stomped his foot. “Enough games,” Shen Qingqiu declared. His voice was just as stern and strong as Binghe remembered it. “State your intention.” 

Thank goodness Binghe had his blood parasites to keep his face from warming up! Shizun really wanted him to say it so boldly? 

“I thought about you every night while I was in the abyss, shizun,” Binghe admitted shyly. “I didn’t mind because I knew… that when I got out, I would get to show you Xin Mo’s power. I’m here to take you back to my palace, shizun.” 

Shizun’s face waned further. “And if I refuse to go with you?”

Something in Binghe’s heart twisted in pain. Shizun had said he would marry Binghe if he was strong, so why…? “I am the new lord of the demon realm, and I possess Xin Mo. Why would shizun refuse me?” 

Xin Mo had already begun whispering hurtful things in his mind, but shizun dispelled any worries quickly. “Then, let’s go,” Shen Qinngqiu said softly. He looked away, his curtaining hair hiding his expression. “There’s no reason to involve the rest of Cang Qiong.”

Binghe’s mouth fell open. Without even telling the other peak lords? Shizun was… eloping with his former student!? He tried to reign in his delight when he held shizun through the wormhole. 

As much as he wanted the two of them to live together like the married couple they were soon to be, shizun was a thin-faced man! Trying to push all his desires so quickly may cause shizun to withdraw even more! So Luo Binghe opened the door to shizun’s temporary quarters, the room right next to Binghe’s. “This is where shizun will stay until… his permanent living situation can be arranged.” When shizun didn’t reply to the obvious attempt, he continued. “Surely shizun understands what this disciple is referring to?” 

“I understand,” shizun answered coldly. 

Binghe was a bit confused by the curt response, but there wasn’t time to focus on that! Dinner was in only two hours and Binghe had a recipe he’d been saving for months!

When Binghe returned with the meal, he opened the door to find his teacher's room empty. 

The second time Luo Binghe found Shen Qingqiu, he was wearing a straw hat and a makeshift beard. “Shizun, how could you leave before dinner?” Binghe pouted. “This Binghe prepared a feast for you with his blood, sweat, and tears…!”

Shizun choked on nothing, his face washing out again. “How did you know where I was?”

Binghe grinned and pulled shizun against him. Holding his master against his chest, he opened a portal back to Huan Hua with his spare hand. “Shizun, you’re underestimating how well this disciple knows you,” Binghe teased playfully. 

This time when Binghe escorted shizun back to his room, he ordered two demons to stand guard outside. This way if he needed anything, he wouldn’t need to go all the way to another town all by himself again! 

The third time Shen Qingqiu ran away, Binghe didn’t even need to leave the palace to find him. Binghe opened the Huan Hua Palace Master's office door and found his beloved standing inside. “Shizun?”

Shen Qingqiu startled. “Binghe! This is- this master can explain!”

Behind shizun were two other men, both demons as well. Powerful ones. He quickly stepped between them and his teacher, keeping his face neutral at the sight that greeted him: a man with the same red huadian as him, thrusting a sword in and out of the Palace Master's body repeatedly. Another demon stood and watched from a distance quietly. “Shizun, who are these men?”

“It's a long story,” Shen Qingqiu said gently. “Luo Binghe, I know it looks like we've slain an ally of yours, but he was not helping you without ulterior motives!”

Binghe covered his blushing cheeks with his hands, trying to get himself under control. Of course he understood: Shizun was so jealous of another master trying to make Binghe his disciple, that he killed the Huan Hua sect leader over him! “Oh…!” 

That got the other demon's attention. His sword finally paused and he looked at Binghe, as if just taking in the new arrival. “You really look just like her…”

“Binghe,” shizun said from behind him. “This is Tianlang-Jun… he’s your father.” 

‘Tianlang-Jun’ showed his fangs in a mocking imitation of a smile, blood splattered across his face as lightless eyes assessed his successor. Luo Binghe didn't bother sparing him a moment of his time and protectively turned to catch Shen Qingqiu’s waist. 

It was shizun who protected him, time and time again. Shizun gave him a warm bed to sleep in, and loved him, and believed in him. Binghe tightened his arms around Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun is the only father I need.”

Shen Qingqiu broke out into a violent cough. 

Tianlang-Jun sighed, endeared. “Just like when I fell for Xiyan.” As soon as he said that name, his eyes became dull once again. “Xiyan…”

He returned to ruthlessly stabbing the corpse. 

“Let's leave him be,” shizun suggested. “He has about twenty years of frustration to vent out.” 

Binghe opened shizun’s door to find him gone for fourth time. By now Binghe was beginning to worry if something was wrong. 

Shang Qinghua had explained demonic behaviour to Binghe in detail one night, rambling on endlessly. When a demon courted another, he took the role of ‘predator’ trying to win over his ‘prey’. It was to show he'd be able to provide, and that he'd be able to retrieve his lover if they were ever to be kidnapped. When Binghe had first heard about this, he'd been disgusted. How could he ever think of his beloved shizun as an animal to be hunted down!? But…

Shen Qingqiu would run away over and over, but when Binghe would catch him, he’d never make a fuss. 

Binghe blushed. Did shizun… want to be chased down? Shizun wanted Binghe to romance him using his demonic heritage?

Binghe tracked shizun to a bustling city. His teacher sat in a crowded tea shop talking to the Huan Hua head disciple, Gongyi Xiao. 

Luo Binghe hated Gongyi Xiao. 

Since the second he’d arrived at Huan Hua, Gongyi Xiao had been asking after Shen Qingqiu. Going on and on about how magnanimous Master Shen was, and how he was such a caring cultivator, and so full of knowledge-

He knew that! He knew that much better than someone who wasn’t even shizun’s disciple!! 

Binghe waited outside, seething in anger. Gongyi Xiao left soon, but shizun stayed until nearly nightfall, only leaving the store when it was closing down. 

“Shizun ran so far away, just to be with another person from Huan Hua.” 

Shen Qingqiu’s steps halted in the narrow alley he’d taken. 

Binghe stalked closer towards him. “Does shizun prefer him? Do you like him so much more?” 

Shen Qingqiu stepped back for every step Binghe took forward, until his back hit the wall. “Binghe-” 

“Indeed, I've been careless.” Binghe bit into his palm, digging his teeth in until he could taste blood on his tongue. “Clearly, chasing shizun down isn’t enough- I have to show I can keep him.” 

He held shizun down easily, watching his beloved master struggle underneath him as he held his bloody hand against shizun’s lips. For a moment Binghe understood why this type of courtship was so popular. Shizun had always been so out of his reach, it was intoxicating to drag him down from lofty peaks to Binghe’s hold. 

Shen Qingqiu thrashed against him until he could no longer hold his breath and swallowed. When Binghe released him, there was blood smeared across his face and he was coughing from the abuse against his mouth. Binghe was immediately overwhelmed. 

Part of me is inside shizun… I’m all over his face, he was choking on me-

He turned his back to Shen Qingqiu, hoping to hide how flustered he’d become. 

Neither of them spoke for several minutes, but Binghe was drowning in his own loud heartbeat combined with shizun's panting. When shizun’s breathing evened out and Binghe’s mind felt calmer, they faced each other again. “Will shizun give himself to me now, or does he still wish to continue?” 

Shen Qingqiu wiped at his face. "This master… surrenders to Luo Binghe.” 

“No more running away?” 

Shizun shook his head. “I’ll stay.” 

I’ll stay. Hearing those words from his shizun’s mouth was exhilarating. He pulled his shizun into his arm, opening a portal back with Xin Mo. 

He dropped shizun off in his bedroom before he went inside his own quarters. Once he was alone, Binghe squealed and jumped around his room in excitement. “Kyaa!! Shizun finally accepted my courting!” 

Shen Qingqiu paced around his room. A shelf full of his favourite books, a vanity with the same products he used, a bed with plush and soft bedding. It was an exact copy of his quarters on Qing Jing. How terrifying, to be known so intimately by someone who loathed him. 

Binghe said he’d stay here until Binghe found a ‘permanent living situation’ for him. What did that mean? Did Binghe not have access to the Water Prison yet? Then, why had he been given this comfortable space? Did he want Shen Qingqiu to let down his guard before he tore off his limbs? Was it some psychological angle, where Shen Qingqiu would drive himself mad wondering what it meant? If so, it was working. 

Trying to stay awake would only delay the inevitable. Sooner or later, he would fall asleep whether he wanted to or not. So Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes and slipped under the covers, waiting for Binghe to invade his dreams with the start of his torture. 

As expected, he was pulled into a dreamscape right away. When he regained his senses, he was on Qing Jing. The infamous woodshed had not been used for anything but storing wood for years. This small Luo Binghe- sitting on a thin cotton sheet folded up to resemble a mat- was from an old memory. 

Binghe must have been fourteen, or perhaps fifteen- his skin was still soft and delicate at this age, which was why it was covered in cuts and bruises. Binghe sat alone in the small shed, treating himself with a small jar of ointment.

He didn't use nearly enough medicine. Shen Qingqiu knew he was trying to cover his injuries in the thinnest layer possible so he could conserve the cream for his next beating. Shen Qingqiu watched the lonely boy smear the barest amount necessary onto his forearm, and his heart clenched in pain at the sight. 

Where was the adult Binghe? Did he want to unsettle Shen Qingqiu before he started his monologue on how Qing Jing treated him? Shen Qingqiu kept his expression unaffected no matter how much the memory tugged at his heartstrings. 

For several moments, Shen Qingqiu just watched Binghe clean his wounds. When Binghe was finished, he closed the lid on the container with great care. 

“Binghe should use more.”

He just barely managed to keep himself from jumping in surprise. Another Shen Qingqiu had materialized in the dream! 

Shen Qingqiu felt uneasy. He’d never actually gone inside the shed, much less at this time of night. Whatever direction this dream was about to take, it was something that had never truly happened. What was he about to see?

“I don't want to finish it.” Binghe held the tin to his chest. “It's a gift from shizun.”

“And that's why you're not recovering,” Shen Qingqiu clicked his tongue in annoyance. 

“I don't want to use it all,” Binghe tightened his grip on the medicine, stubbornly keeping it closed. “This is proof that shizun was kind to this disciple! I might not get it again.” 

“Foolish boy,” Shen Qingqiu snarled. “ Think for a moment.” 

This must have been a little after his transmigration. Hints of the original good's personality were still present in Binghe's view of Shen Qingqiu.

“Shizun gave Binghe medicine, let him ride in his carriage…” Shen Qingqiu counted on his fingers as he listed each action. “...he protected you from the skinner demon, and he gave you your very own special cultivation manual!” He leaned closer to Binghe. “What do these things tell you?” 

“It means…” Binghe’s voice became unstable. “It means shizun… doesn't hate me?”

The original Bing-ge had cried at the tea entrance ceremony, and then decided he would never show such weakness on Qing Jing again. In contrast, his Bingmei had always been a crybaby- this must have been the exact moment that change took place. The Luo Binghe of this memory trembled harder with every tear that escaped him, like he was finally releasing years worth of grief.

“Shizun doesn't hate me…” Binghe sobbed. “Shizun doesn't hate me!” 

Oh, Binghe…

The copy of Shen Qingqiu patted Binghe’s head. “Mhm. But don’t get too full of yourself. Binghe has a long way to go.” 

“Shizun… I'll be an even better student.” Binghe’s wet lashes fluttered weakly. “I really want shizun to like me…” 

This was one hell of a guilt trip. This little bun had just been an innocent child, starved for love. He would have been grateful for the smallest scrap of affection, but had been met with cruelty instead. 

Truly heartbreaking! Very sad! Unfortunately, the man who was cruel to you was someone else! Go drag the original goods into your dream instead, Binghe!

That strange reverie in Shen Qingqiu's form vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. When Binghe nestled into the makeshift bed for the night, the door to the woodshed creaked open. White light shone from the entrance, and Shen Qingqiu had to cover his face with his arm to keep his eyes from burning. He had no idea what Binghe was planning, but it was best to cooperate, right? He walked into it, preparing himself for what was about to come.

When the bright light cleared, Shen Qingqiu found himself in the bamboo house. Luo Binghe looked to be about sixteen or so now, all alone in his bedroom with a tea set on his table. Shen Qingqiu wanted to find the demon and shake him while yelling, ‘when did I ever mistreat you during your time in the bamboo house, ah!?’

He felt a pang of nostalgia when he took a closer look at the tea set. It was the simplest one they had, with only two cups- one with a green stripe and one red. He and his disciple used it every time they drank together, until Shen Jiu joined the peak and it had to be switched out for one with three cups. 

He really missed those days. Seeing his little bun like this again was just…

Luo Binghe wasn’t with Shen Qingqiu in this memory. Regardless, he poured the tea into both cups. “Ah,” he whispered in dismay. “I made two.”

He stared at the cups for several long seconds, then bit his lip in contemplation. Finally, he nervously got to his feet and walked over to the window, pulling the curtains closed. The room fell into shade, and Binghe moved to the door’s entrance to lock it. 

Shen Qingqiu watched him race around the room, doing one strange thing after another. What was he up to? 

After making sure he was secure from prying eyes, Binghe returned to the teacups and crouched down onto his knees, moving closer towards the low table. With less light, he almost didn’t notice that the boy’s cheeks had flushed pink. 

When his face was directly in front of the porcelain that Shen Qingqiu drank from, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the rim of the cup. 

“I can't believe I did it!” Binghe dropped belly-first onto the floor, kicking up his legs like a true maiden. He covered his red face with his hands. “Shizun and this disciple… had an indirect kiss!” 

Shen Qingqiu choked. What the hell did he just say?

Like before, the memory went smoothly until a mirage in Shen Qingqiu’s form appeared. It sat next to Binghe at the table, and took a sip from the cup. 

“Did Binghe enjoy it?” The make-believe version of Shen Qingqiu lifted the cup, taking a slow sip from the tea. He turned to Binghe with sly eyes. “Our first kiss.” 

“I did not say that!” Shen Qingqiu burst out. 

Binghe pulled himself up into a proper seated position, but kept his head down bashfully. “Shizun…” 

“I know,” that Shen Qingqiu said. “Binghe wants a proper kiss, doesn’t he?” He downed the cup and returned it to its place, and with a mouth full of tea, he pulled Luo Binghe’s face against his. 

Shen Qingqiu took a step back, extremely flustered and disoriented by this dream. 

Binghe moaned into the kiss and opened his mouth- some of the tea spilled between them, sending droplets trailing down Binghe’s chin. Shen Qingqiu watched with horrified interest, unable to look away no matter how badly he wanted to. So this was the power of the protagonist’s imagination…! He could even make tea look lewd!

The liquid dribbled down their faces while they kissed. It was a dream, after all, and reason had no place here. That small amount of tea completely soaked Shen Qingqiu, leaving his hair and clothes sticking to his skin. He pushed Binghe onto his back and towered over him. Shen Qingqiu’s copy thumbed a drop off Binghe’s lip- then brought it to his own mouth and licked it clean. Shocked by his bun’s dirty mind, the real Shen Qingqiu yelled, “Binghe!” At the same time, Binghe yelled, “shizun!” 

In a snap, the illusion was gone. The two cups of tea sat on the table, completely untouched and still full. Binghe groaned miserably and turned to his side, as if he was trying to bury his red face into his carpet. 

Bright light filled the dark room- the door had opened for Shen Qingqiu. He hurried to make his escape. Out of sight and out of mind, he didn't see any of that, thank you!

This memory was set in the abyss. Elation rose in his chest- what human had ever seen the inside!? The ground was half ice and half lava, separated into small tile-sized squares next to each other like the pattern of a chess board. 

Shen Qingqiu practically shook with excitement. He remembered this arc of the abyss! The ice was cold enough to freeze one’s entire leg if stepped on- the only way to venture this place was to first hunt down the Colossal Mammoth of Woe and wear its hide. 

Luo Binghe entered the scene. In Proud Immortal Demon Way he’d worn bits and pieces of the fur on his regular clothes, giving him the look of a sexy warrior. Binghe… why were you wearing the mammoth’s pelt like an oversized onesie? 

Binghe hopped between the blocks of ice, narrowly avoiding the times lava would shoot upwards at him. His face was red and dripping with perspiration- when his sweat slid off his skin, the drops would be either frozen or vaporized before they even touched the ground. How cool! How heroic! How protagonist-like! Truly, all Bingmei needed to set him right was to be cast into hell! 

He crossed over to a flat pane of ice, walking over to the beautiful woman sitting atop her frozen throne. It was time to gift her the flower she’d need to cure her illness- only if accompanied with a heavenly demon’s pillar, of course.

Binghe threw it to the ground in front of her without the slightest grace. “Where is Xin Mo.” 

“My hero, you’ve returned!” She stood with frailty, dramatically clutching her bare chest with an agonized expression. “While my hero was gone, this one received unfortunate news… this herb will not be enough to save me.” She looked at Binghe meaningfully. “I need a heavenly demon’s essence.” 

“Okay,” Binghe replied noncommittally. “Where is Xin Mo.” 

Binghe! She was practically throwing herself at you! Must you tease her so cruelly?

“My hero seems quite flushed. Yes, you’ve been afflicted by a venom…” Ah, so that’s why he’d been so soaked. She glided towards him, stepping past the poor discarded flower. “In exchange for your gift, I shall provide my assista-”

“In exchange for my gift, you agreed to tell me the location of Xin Mo,” Binghe deadpanned. 

She pursed her lips. “The situation regarding my health is quite dire at the moment.” 

Shen Qingqiu nearly cried when Binghe replied, “don’t die before you tell me where to find Xin Mo.” 

Irritation passed over her features. “My hero, forgive this one… I know not where your sword lies. Please understand, this one had no choice but to- hey, wait!” 

Binghe had already turned around and returned to hopping between the ice. Under his breath he muttered, “waste of time.” 

Pitch black tentacles shot out from her back, wrapping around Binghe and stopping him in place. Since when did she have this kind of ability!? Wasn’t she supposed to be meek and sick? Ah, but she was a resident of the abyss. Shen Qingqiu wondered how many of Binghe’s wives had never had a chance to show off their full power in PIDW. 

“Why do you refuse to cure me?” She stepped closer. Her eye’s sclera were coloured as dark as her new appendages. 

Binghe answered evenly, “I want no one but my shizun.” 

Shen Qingqiu blushed. Did-did he hear that right?

“My hero’s special person is truly fortunate to have someone so devoted.” She fluttered her lashes innocently, like she hadn’t trapped him in his moment of vulnerability. “If only I too had such a kind lover…”

Binghe’s breath was becoming more and more strained, yet he didn’t give in. “Go see a matchmaker.” 

Finally, she was done playing coy. The tentacles tightened painfully around Binghe as she screeched, “you’d leave me to die from this illness!?” 

Shen Qingqiu fell to his knees in despair when Binghe answered, “happily.” 

She strode forward, pulling a bottle out of her breasts like she was an anime character. “Then you leave me no choice.” She threw the contents on him- a pollen, obviously. Binghe struggled until his eyes drooped and he fell still. 

Shen Qingqiu bristled at the scene. Hey, hey, this was too far! No matter how badly he wanted Binghe to be happy, using force to pleasure someone was just…! The tentacles loosened, dropping him onto an ice slab, and she knelt at his side to pick at the fur covering him. To Shen Qingqiu’s great relief, she didn’t get far before her arm was torn off. Binghe threw the limb to the side and watched her bleed out. 

She pathetically tried to stop the blood loss by covering the hole with her other hand. “How are you-?” 

“It’s a special cultivation technique,” Binghe mocked, “called holding my breath.” 

Who was this sassy lost child!?

All it took was one kick to send her into the lava. Shen Qingqiu cheered. Thank goodness! If someone took advantage of his little bun…

The ordeal had left the boy exhausted. It was apparent in the way he crossed the ice that he was about to collapse. Many times when Binghe paused his steps, Shen Qingqiu worried he’d tip over, but Binghe would always shake it off and continue. After what felt like an eternity, the snowy and molten landscape was left behind, and the abyss became a disgusting gory mess that seemed to pulse . Binghe walked into a cave, one made of red meat with what looked like a ribcage growing around it. Disturbing, but very cool. 

He threw off the onesie and slumped against the fleshy wall, loosening the collar of his underrobe. “Shizun…”

Binghe was cursing him out, right? He was thinking of how he’d get his revenge against Shen Qingqiu for making him go through this, right?

That hope went out the window when Luo Binghe’s hand trailed down his body, slipping underneath the band of his trousers. Shen Qingqiu's face went hot as he realized what he was about to see, and he immediately turned away. “This can’t be happening.” 

He heard skin touching skin. “...shizun…”

“No, absolutely not. This isn’t real, this didn’t happen-”

“Oh, shizun, ah. Shizun, please…” 

Shen Qingqiu wished he could have jumped into that lava and died along with that girl. Like both times before, the appearance of an illusionary Shen Qingqiu marked when reality ended and the daydream began. 

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu’s voice purred, “Binghe is such a bad boy, disgracing his master this way.” 

Shen Qingqiu looked back and felt his heart jump into his throat in shame. What the fuck was this!? Shen Qingqiu’s likeness was on all fours, whispering into Binghe’s ear. He wore nothing but one thin robe, falling off his shoulders to reveal his chest. Even one thigh was visible- he looked like some brothel woman! 

“Binghe won't finish like that,” the imaginary man said. “Let shizun help you.” 

Shen Qingqiu nearly qi-deviated when the image of him lowered its upper body. On his elbows and knees the other him arched his back and shoved his face into Binghe’s crotch. “Luo Binghe, stop this nonsense right this instant!” 

Binghe couldn’t hear him, so all he did was moan and move his hand faster. “Oh, shizun!” 

The wet sounds coming from Shen Qingqiu’s mouth were going to send Binghe’s real shizun to an early grave. The worst part was that he hummed and whined happily around the protagonist’s pillar like it was some delicious treat. “Binghe is so good for this master.” 

Binghe let out a broken whine and thrust into his hand roughly. He'd closed his eyes, most likely to better pretend the thing wrapped around him was Shen Qingqiu’s mouth and not himself. “Shizun, please… I want to be good for you.”

“If you want to be good, then don't desecrate your shizun like this!” Shen Qingqiu wailed. 

His copy instead said, “if Binghe wants to be good, he should use shizun’s mouth properly.” 

Binghe gasped and threw his head back. “Shizun!” 

Shen Qingqiu pulled at his hair in distress. “What are you doing!? I'm your teacher- I'm- you're not-!” 

Now instead of moving his hand, Luo Binghe kept it in place and instead thrust his hips. The illusion happily allowed this violation of its mouth, only sometimes pulling away to tell Binghe “go deeper” or “do it faster” like some sort of maniac with a death wish. This was the heavenly pillar! Binghe, if you did something like that to Shen Qingqiu it would seriously kill him!

“Hey, my image is not public domain!” Shen Qingqiu screamed. “I didn’t authorize this use! I’m going to sue if you don’t stop!” 

When the illusion on his knees finally lifted his head, Shen Qingqiu wondered if the nightmare was finally over. But this dream Shen Qingqiu only sat up enough to kiss Binghe’s mouth, and his hand continued to stroke the boy. “Binghe, this master loves you so much.”

Binghe sniffled. Drool was running down his lips. “Shizun, shizun, I love you, too!”

Shen Qingqiu couldn't take it anymore- he just shut his eyes and put his palms over his ears. There was no way Binghe was showing him this on purpose, was there? 

Had he… actually been pulled into a dream by accident? Were these Binghe’s real thoughts and feelings? It seemed impossible, but Binghe hasn't hurt him all the while he'd been in his custody. He'd never even disciplined Shen Qingqiu for all his attempts to run away…

While he'd been lost in thought, the moans he'd been trying to block out had come to an end. You better be wearing your pants, Shen Qingqiu begged silently before he dared to open his eyes. 

Luo Binghe was cradled in his teacher's hold. His face was resting in the imaginary Shen Qingqiu’s chest, getting his hair stroked. “Is Binghe feeling better?”

Binghe shook his head. His voice was small when he mumbled, “no.”

“Oh, my poor baby boy,” Shen Qingqiu lamented. “What's wrong?”

I don't talk like that, do I?

Binghe inhaled sharply, his breathing getting heavy. “I miss you, shizun.” 

Just like that, the illusion disappeared. Once again, reality had cruelly reminded him he was all alone. 

“Shizun…” Luo Binghe hugged himself, his arms gripping into his drenched clothes desperately. 

He curled his legs into his chest, making himself as small as possible. Shen Qingqiu's heart twinged in pain when the first teardrop slipped out of Binghe’s eye. 

“Shizun, I miss you,” he sobbed quietly. “It really hurts. It hurts so much.” 

“Binghe…” 

The entrance to the cave glowed with a bright light. Shen Qingqiu could have moved on, but instead he knelt down and took a seat next to his student. His hand passed through Binghe, so he just patted his head close enough. This was a memory of the past and his comfort wouldn’t change anything. He was fully aware he was doing it for his own sake. 

He stayed with Binghe and stroked his hair until his crying fell away to sleep. “Silly boy,” Shen Qingqiu whispered softly. “Do you think shizun would be happy seeing you like this? Take better care of yourself.” 

He truly resembled a puppy, sleeping balled up like this. Shen Qingqiu gave him one last headpat before rising to his feet and entering the brightly lit exit. Although it was certain to be something even more filthy, Shen Qingqiu couldn't help but be curious. Just what kind of fantasies would a peerless demon lord have?

This time Shen Qingqiu was in some sort of wooden riverside cabin, facing the window. He could immediately tell this was not a real memory like the others- the sky outside was too blue, the river’s water too clear. The birds sang beautifully perched in the garden, where crops and flowers grew without a single irregularity. He turned his attention to the inside of the house.

It was small. Only one room held the dining area, the kitchen, as well as a bed. A woman sat inside, lounging with a cup of tea while she read. Her skin was weathered and sun-damaged, and she had deep lines on her gaunt face, but she was 0smiling. The front door opened, and her grin widened when Luo Binghe stepped in at Shen Qingqiu’s side. 

He was at his current age in this dream, but he made his way to her like an excited child. “Mother, mother! Good news!” Binghe ran over to the small table, enveloping her with a tight hug. “Shizun accepted my proposal!” 

“Goodness!” She gasped with joy, squeezing him in return. “We have to celebrate!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s copy took the seat across from her. Binghe let go and pulled back his sleeves. “Binghe will make congee for us!” 

While Binghe chopped vegetables and meat for the dish, his mother and… fiance talked. What an innocent dream. 

Binghe dolled out congee in cute little ceramic bowls and placed them in front of the other two before taking a seat. Shen Qingqiu giggled. What kind of setup was this? A washerwoman, a cultivation master, and a demon emperor walk into a bar… 

“Binghe is so glad!” Luo Binghe announced. He linked one arm through his teacher's and the other with his mother. “I get to spend the day with my favourite people!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s smile wobbled into something a bit more fragile. 

“Binghe, this tastes delicious!” His mother gushed. 

“Yes, this husband will only ever eat Binghe’s cooking and no one else’s!” Shen Qingqiu took a mouthful of Binghe’s congee and smiled wide. “And if Han Jiu or Yue Qingyuan invite me to a restaurant in town, I’ll ask Binghe to blast them off the peak!” 

Uh?

Shen Qingqiu continued, “and next time Liu Qingge comes over with an animal to cook, we’ll lock him in a stone cage and push it into the ocean! We’ll invite all of Qing Jing to watch him drown!”

Um!?  

The washerwoman took Shen Qingqiu’s hand in hers. There was a clear contrast between the scholar’s pale and smooth skin compared to the rough and tanned hand of a labourer. How many times had Luo Binghe held her hand in despair, to remember each wrinkle so clearly?

“Immortal master, I am but a simple washerwoman, but I must make a request…” She looked into the dream Shen Qingqiu’s eyes with determination. “Please, take good care of my son.” 

“Mother!” Luo Binghe cried out bashfully. 

The real Shen Qingqiu watched the scene, blinking repetitively to keep his wet eyes from leaking. 

“This master will love Binghe like he is my own son,” the other Shen Qingqiu said. 

Damnit, Binghe! Such a wholesome scene, and you had to make it weird! 

The three of them chatted happily as they had dinner. Shen Qingqiu took a seat at the only empty chair and watched the fantasy with a smile. When the congee was done, the bowls vanished on their own. Dream physics were so convenient! 

“Shizun and I are leaving for our honeymoon now!” Binghe said proudly. 

“Drop by anytime.” The washerwoman waved. “And of course, I give Master Shen blessing to be with my son.” 

…weren’t blessings given before proposing? And weren’t they given by the wife’s parents?

“We will see each other again soon,” Shen Qingqiu promised. 

Binghe skipped over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Bye, mother!” When he returned to Shen Qingqiu, Binghe kissed his lips, quick and chaste, but still very affectionate. The two of them held hands, and the door opened before them. Instead of the brilliant white light that usually followed, they seemed to pass into a black void. So that was the dream's end, then.  

Instead of following, Shen Qingqiu remained seated next to the washerwoman. He studied her face, and her joyful smile. How many chances had Binghe really had to see her happy like this?

Again, he couldn't touch her, so he just let his hand hover over hers. “I promise. I will not allow your son to feel lonely ever again.” 

He hesitated, blushing madly at the thought of what he was about to do- but Binghe did it! If her son had to, and Binghe wanted to marry him, then…

Face aflame, Shen Qingqiu also kissed her cheek. “B-bye, mother.” Then he ran to the door with his heart pounding and his thin face in shambles. 

Running into the exit, the cabin fell away and he was surrounded by darkness. All he has to do to escape the void of endless black was to open his eyes. Finally, he was awake again.

Shen Qingqiu quickly checked an item out of the system’s inventory and jumped out of bed. Luckily his sticky disciple had insisted on sleeping in the room right next to his, so Shen Qingqiu was throwing Binghe's door open in less than a minute. 

The demon lord’s bedroom was befitting of… well, a demon lord. It was dark and classy, the walls draped with luxurious velvet. There was one small lamp next to the large bed, providing just enough light for Shen Qingqiu to make his way. Luo Binghe didn’t even seem to notice his presence until his teacher was taking a seat next to him on the mattress. 

“Shizun?” Binghe muttered weakly. His skin was flushed and feverish, and his eyes couldn’t focus on who he was speaking to. No wonder he’d been pulled into such a dreamscape without Binghe present. 

Shen Qingqiu took in the poor state of his student. He should have known Xin Mo would cause plenty of backlash, the way Binghe had been chasing him all over the map. He just thought… Binghe had plenty of wives to help him with it. 

Binghe's clear and determined voice rang in his ear : I want no one but my shizun.

Shen Qingqiu pushed Binghe’s hair away from his sweaty face. “What has this master always said to his disciples?”

Binghe blinked up at him. “That… shizun would sell us all for one corn chip?” 

“I’ve always said to look after yourself first and foremost.” Shen Qingqiu corrected. “How could Binghe ignore his shizun’s teachings and get himself sick like this?” 

“You don't understand, shizun.” Binghe reached up to take hold of that hand pushing back his hair, pulling it down until he could rest his hot cheek against it. “Whether it's Xin Mo or a qi deviation or the Endless Abyss, I can handle it…” He breathed out slowly, followed by a stuffy sniffle. “But being apart from shizun is too painful. I can't bear it.” 

Shen Qingqiu didn't know what to say to that and- fuck, he left his fan in his own room! Shen Qingqiu felt his face grow warmer, his hand instinctively twitching to hold a fan that he did not have. 

“Shizun! Why is shizun looking at the door!?” Binghe gripped Shen Qingqiu’s robe, displaying his big, wet, pleading eyes. “Shizun said he wouldn't run away anymore!” 

“I won't, I won't!” Shen Qingqiu reassured him. Luo Binghe, this pitiful boy. How could Shen Qingqiu leave him?

“Shizun?” 

Shen Qingqiu lifted the thick blanket, gingerly inserting himself between it and the mattress before letting it drop. Now the two of them were in bed together, and Shen Qingqiu became even more flustered. 

“Shizun…”

Shizun, shizun, shizun! Binghe cried for his shizun over every little thing! Maybe Shen Qingqiu wanted to be the one to cry! When would someone comfort him ? It's not exactly easy for an old man like him to realise he's in love with- 

In love with-!? Who was in love!? Shut up!

Desperate to hide himself, Shen Qingqiu pulled Binghe into his arms, burrowing his face into his student’s wild curls. “Shizun is not leaving.”

For once, Binghe was struck silent in his shock. 

Shen Qingqiu’s thin face had already suffered a lot today, but he pushed himself further. Binghe gasped under him when Shen Qingqiu pressed his lips to Binghe’s forehead to check his temperature. 

“Still- Binghe is still hot,” Shen Qingqiu muttered weakly. “Go to sleep- and actually rest, no dream manipulation!” 

“I never thought…” Binghe swallowed painfully before he continued in a hoarse voice, “that shizun would come to me.”

Concerned, Shen Qingqiu pulled back enough to get a look at Binghe’s face. 

“Always, I… I've always been chasing shizun.” Binghe coughed, and Shen Qingqiu rubbed his back. Binghe smiled at the action, nuzzling deeper into his teacher. “Today shizun came to me.” He closed his eyes slowly, like a content kitten around its beloved master. “I'm so happy.”

In Proud Immortal Demon Way, Luo Binghe had conquered countless lands and beauties, and still searched for more. The man before him got a few caresses without asking, and now he was practically floating away with joy. Who knew the stallion protagonist could be so easily satisfied? 

“Shizun didn't understand Binghe’s feelings until now,” Shen Qingqiu admitted quietly. 

Binghe’s voice was deathly hushed. “And what about shizun’s feelings?” 

Shen Qingqiu swallowed nervously. For so long, this one item had been his only assurance against certain death. He had no right to be so reluctant about returning what was rightfully someone else's, but he still hesitated- doing this would be no different than putting his life in Binghe's hands.

[Please note: This item is single-use and can consume a maximum of five thousand of Luo Binghe's anger points.]

In the end, he still slipped the jade guanyin pendant around the protagonist’s neck. Binghe's hand reached for the new weight against his chest. 

“Shizun, what is-” Binghe froze, staring at the item he was holding. “This…”

“This master should have returned it to you long ago.” 

Ah, there was no stopping the tears this time! Luo Binghe blubbered out unintelligible nonsense through his weeping. What a mess! Shen Qingqiu held back a laugh. 

“Enough, enough, didn't shizun tell you to rest?” He pulled the demon back into his arms, patting his head. “We will discuss things tomorrow. Sleep.” 

Binghe sobbed into Shen Qingqiu’s chest. The older man didn't mind holding him at all, stroking his hair lovingly until the man fell asleep. 

It may have been a mistake to tell Binghe they’d speak the next day. Luo Binghe had practically attached himself to Shen Qingqiu’s body the second he woke up. Stupid heavenly demon genetics, his health was already perfect after one night’s rest! 

Binghe’s wifelike behaviour was truly at a new level this morning. Waking Shen Qingqiu up with breakfast in bed, cutely sitting on the floor waiting to have his hair brushed, sending longing glances to Shen Qingqiu that begged him to start the conversation. He could only take it for so long! “Let’s sit down and talk.”  

The two of them sat across each other at Binghe’s work desk, waiting for the other to speak first. 

Under the table, Binghe’s foot nudged his and Shen Qingqiu moved his leg back. Binghe’s foot bumped into him two more times before he realized: Binghe was playing footsie with him! “Binghe!” 

Binghe fluttered his lashes shyly, resting his foot on Shen Qingqiu’s ankle. “Yes, shizun?” 

All grown up, the stallion protagonist still acted like a teenage girl with a crush. This alone would make any reader of PIDW cry, but Shen Qingqiu had to live with the knowledge that he’d caused this. And now they’d have to… talk about their relationship. Shen Qingqiu really wasn’t any good at things like this! He wished a hole would just open up and swallow him… 

Not a second passed after this thought crossed his mind before a hole had actually opened up in the bamboo house. Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe both jumped to their feet, grabbing their swords. That pitch black vortex… There was something familiar about it. 

A leg stuck out, and the original protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way stepped into the room. With Bingge in his sights, Bingmei’s entire demeanor changed in an instant. The bashful young maiden from earlier now had glowing red eyes narrowed at his twin with killing intent. Powerful, angry qi surrounded him, and the hand fiercely clutching Xin Mo had grown claws. Now this was a demon emperor.  

…was it hot in here? Bingge, close your portal, you’re bringing in so much heat! Shen Qingqiu’s palms felt sweaty! 

In truth, Shen Qingqiu had met the original one more time while his student was in the abyss. The encounter didn’t last longer than twenty seconds, and the short conversation they’d had was so… inconceivable , he had written it off as some strange hallucination. 

(“Can’t kidnap you today,” Bingge had said halfheartedly, already opening up another portal to return. “Busy. Watching One Punch Man.”)

Shen Qingqiu… honestly wanted to get some answers, so he held a hand up to Bingmei. “Don’t be rash. Let’s see why he’s here.” 

“Binghe, wait!” Someone else followed through the wormhole, and Shen Qingqiu felt a strange sense of vertigo. “Don’t just go on your own!”

A short and thin figure, wrapped in a luxuriously embroidered robe fit for royalty. With the exception of canon fodder, Master Airplane had written nearly all important characters to be unrealistically handsome and tall- even the wives were as tall as runway models! In his old life, this new person at Bingge’s side would be considered smaller than average- but with three xianxia characters around him, he looked extremely slight. 

“Apologies, shizun,” Bingge mumbled apologetically. “This Binghe just gets so excited to show off his empress…”

If the word ‘empress’ wasn’t enough to send Shen Qingqiu’s head spinning, all it took was for the stranger to look his way. 

Sharp brown eyes with no glasses to cover them, a bright and milky complexion, and pitch-black hair grown to his shoulders all spoke of Bingge’s influence. "This lord only returned to make a formal announcement," Luo Binghe stated. He swung a possessive arm around his companion’s shoulder, pulling him closer. "I have my own shizun, and he's way better than yours!" 

“Binghe!” Shen Yuan scolded. 

It was truly jarring to see one’s own body from a third person perspective. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t the only one shocked to see that face again. “Han Yuan!?” Luo Binghe blurted out in surprise. 

Bingge’s empress raised a brow. “... Shen Yuan. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

Bingge said something about, “shizun, why are you pleased to meet him? Do you like him more?” that he couldn’t process right now. 

Shen Qingqiu glanced at the boy next to him, curious. How did Binghe know his first name but not- that’s right! “You remember Han Yuan from all those years ago!?” Shen Qingqiu whispered into his student’s ear. 

Bingmei looked back with guilt written all over his sweet face. “Shizun, please forgive me! I only liked Han Yuan because he was so much like you! I swear, shizun has always been my one and only love!” 

Binghe liked…! One and only- love !?

Shen Qingqiu broke out into a cold sweat and decided Luo Binghe could never find out about Han Yuan’s real identity. 

Shen Qingqiu returned his attention to the two guests. He had to introduce himself to his former ego without giving himself away, so… "Peerless Cucumber." 

Shen Yuan jerked in surprise. "How-” Shen Qingqiu could see the instant Shen Yuan realized who he was speaking to. “No. No fucking way." 

Bingge held Shen Yuan tighter in his arms and hissed at Shen Qingqiu. "What are you saying to my empress, you fraud!? You’re upsetting him!" 

Bingmei bristled with rage next to him. “You dare speak to shizun with such disrespect!?” 

Shen Qingqiu briefly imagined Shen Yuan and himself running into each other while walking their dogs, looking at each other in exasperation while their pets barked at one another. 

“Binghe.” Shen Yuan reached up with his hands to cup Bingge’s face gently. The demon’s previous maliciousness vanished in an instant, leaning into Shen Yuan’s touch with an indulged grin. Shen Yuan continued, “I want to talk to Shen Qingqiu. No fighting or wandering off. Be good and wait until I’m done.” 

Was he really a dog!?

Bingge pouted- honest to god, pouted! “Why does shizun have to talk to him alone?” 

Shen Yuan’s expression iced over. He still held Binghe’s face as lovingly as if it was a treasure, but that did nothing to detract from the coldness in his words. “Can Binghe not even follow such a simple task?” 

If this was the NPC Simulator System, that dialogue option surely would have ended in Binghe killing him ruthlessly. Instead Luo Binghe whined desperately, throwing himself into Shen Yuan’s chest. “No, shizun, Binghe can be good! I’ll wait!” 

Shen Yuan stroked his hair, scratching at his scalp for just a moment, and Bingge purred from content. This couldn’t possibly be the same Bingge that had terrorized Shen Qingqiu so much, could it? How was it possible for that ruthless wolf to become this… tamed little whelp crying to be pet?

At his side, Bingmei looked very confused. “Shizun, what is this? Who is that?” 

Shen Qingqiu laughed inside. Time to use the ol’ reliable: “My cousin.” 

How many cousins had Shen Qingqiu made up so far? Let’s count! Han Yuan… one! Han Jiu… two! Shen Yuan… three! Shen Qingqiu had made up three fake cousins! And all of them had left Binghe with more clues about his teacher. In fact, Binghe was muttering away some epiphany quietly. "A combination of Shen Qingqiu and Han Yuan… that means shizun is…" 

Shen Qingqiu held his breath. Binghe was brilliant, and would surely make the connection easily. What would the system do if his identity was revealed? 

Bingmei looked towards Shen Qingqiu with uncertainty. “...Han Qingqiu?”

Swing and a miss! So close! You used the right formula, but the wrong variables! 

“This master also needs to speak with Shen Yuan.” He hesitated for a moment, but if it could work on Bingge then surely... Shen Qingqiu fanned his hot face, talking to him like one would speak to an animal. “You- Binghe, stay as well.” 

Binghe clung to his arm like a worried wife. “Shizun, I can’t let you be alone with a stranger! Especially one associated with him!”

It wasn’t working! How had he spoken to Onyx? If he wanted the dog to stay in place… “Binghe, I know you can be a good boy for me. Wait quietly and shizun will give you a treat.” 

Ah, that was way too patronizing! He sounded like one of those creepy old men on the internet trying to find a sugar baby! Binghe would definitely hate- Binghe? Where did he go?

“Shizun!” A weak cry informed Shen Qingqiu that Binghe had in fact fallen at his feet. The protagonist’s face was bright red, and his pathetic teary eyes looked intoxicated. He bowed with his hands on his knees, the picture of obedience. “Binghe will wait! Binghe will be good- Binghe will be outstanding-” 

Holy shit. What hack did he just unlock? 

[Legendary level skill unlocked: Soft Parenting Your Situationship]

Fuck off! 

The emperor’s room was large, so the two parties could easily divide in two. Shen Yuan and Shen Qingqiu moved to a secluded teatable, their Binghes’ voices getting fainter as they walked. 

“Shizun said no fighting, but if you think you can come after him like last time…!”

“That pervert? As if! My Yuan-ge is a hundred times better teacher than him!”

“As if anyone could compare! My shizun is an actual renowned master! I've never even heard of a peak lord named Shen Yuan.” 

Bingge flipped his hair over his shoulder like a dramatic little diva. “Because I’m shizun’s only disciple. I can’t imagine having a shizun with so many students he’d rather teach…”

“Shizun has a lot of disciples because he’s motherly!”

“That frigid Shen Qingqiu? Look at Yuan-ge! My shizun is perfect to hold and cuddle!” 

The two Shens shared wordless sympathies of second hand embarrassment. Binghe, we're the same person…

Bingmei screamed, “your shizun isn't even old!”

Bingge gasped dramatically, and for a moment Shen Qingqiu swore he saw an elderly woman clutching her pearls instead of a demon lord. “You- you would dare say such a horrific thing!?” 

“Quiet!” Both Shens snapped at once. The two protagonists became docile right away. 

They began their conversation in English, certain their Binghes would eavesdrop otherwise. "Seriously?” Shen Yuan started. “The scum villain?" 

"Bring me some jeans from the modern world.” Shen Qingqiu begged. “Please." 

"Dude, what? The robes look badass." 

"Eight layers. Even in summer."

"I am so sorry. I'll bring you jeans." 

Well, that was the main issue out of the way. Now onto the second: “We’re not gay.” 

“We aren’t,” Shen Yuan agreed. 

“You’re Bingge’s empress.” Shen Qingqiu felt a headache coming on. “You married a man.” 

“I didn’t marry a man , I married Binghe .” Shen Yuan leaned over, one hand on his hip. “If the best chef in the world made you a steak using the finest ingredients, would you say you don’t eat meat? No, because that would be a waste! And having one steak wouldn’t change the fact that you’d been vegetarian all your life!” 

Shen Qingqiu frowned. “That logic isn’t…”

“Listen, the saying goes that the exception makes the rule, right? By marrying Binghe, I’m proving I’m straight.” 

Hm… when he said it like that… “I still can’t believe you’re marrying a man just to be wife number five hundred or something in his harem.”

“Oh, the harem is long gone.” Shen Yuan yawned and rested his elbow on the table. 

Shen Qingqiu blinked at his counterpart. “Gone? Where did it go?” 

Shen Yuan actually seemed a bit distraught for the first time during their meeting. “Nearly all of them ended up with each other.”

“...what?”

"Remember that island from Yan Chuntao's arc? Rainbow Waters something? Yeah, that's basically a xianxia Island of Lesbos now." 

" What ."

"They've chosen Liu Mingyan as their Sappho." 

Lesbians!? How was that possible!? All the wives in Luo Binghe’s harem were written to hate each other, and to fight over Binghe’s attention. Just last month, Shen Qingqiu had seen Liu Mingyan pinning Yingying to a wall, whispering (threats, no doubt) into her ear. His poor student was red with humiliation at being held down so easily. And Mingyan was one of the nicer wives! 

They talked for a little longer, exchanging lore they’d unearthed and sharing strategies for dealing with Binghe. It wasn’t long before Shen Yuan was stretching his arms out. “I'll come back with your jeans,” he promised. “We should keep it short today, so Bingmei doesn't have an aneurysm.”

Shen Qingqiu thought he might cry. "What did you just say?"

"Hm? Oh." Shen Yuan waved a hand with a nonchalant air, as if he wasn't sending Shen Qingqiu towards a qi deviation. "It's just what I call my Binghe. He's kind of maidenly, you know? Always crying and stuff." 

Shen Qingqiu held a hand against his feverish forehead. “What the hell did you do to him?”

He'd forgotten how easily his old body reacted. Shen Yuan's cheeks blushed lightly. "He’s ridiculous, but..." He opened his fan. "It's a bit cute too, isn't it...?"

Cute? Cute ? In what world- in what universe would someone describe Bing-ge as cute !? “How did you manage to make him regress so much?”

“Me!” Shen Yuan gasped in offence. “He’s only like this because he met you . If you hadn’t shown him a world where you married your seventeen year old student- insane , by the way-”

“I wasn’t married to him!” Shen Qingqiu cried. “He misunderstood! It was the system!” 

“Whatever! It makes sense for Bingmei to be a crybaby, he's been through so much trauma! Why didn't you raise your disciple into a strong man, ah!?” 

“ My Binghe is Bingmei- and you think he doesn’t have any trauma? So what if he’s still a little bun, at least he’s not some maniac who tears limbs for fun! How’s that working in our world, when he puts ‘mass murder and human torture’ on his resume?”  

“You’re calling Bingmei a maniac!? Look whose body you’re in! Take a step back, Mr. Child Abuser, before Airplane writes in the xianxia version of a nanny cam and ruins your career!” 

“Hey! You’re forgetting it’s your world that’s set in the original. Enjoy life while you can, by the way, because when your world’s Airplane sells out for money and writes a necrophilia kink, you have to indulge!”

“Shut up, Binghe didn’t even do anything to my corpse while he had it!”

“He had your what?”

Unknowingly, the two of them had started arguing over their Luo Binghes just as the two Binghes had argued over their shizuns. 

They definitely couldn't continue for much longer. Their separated space was invaded by Binghes whining for attention. The prior heated insults were forgotten, and they returned to being pleasant company. 

Binghe pulled Xin Mo out of its sheath, sulking even more than before when Shen Yuan continued speaking to Shen Qingqiu instead of running over to his husband. “Before I go, you’re going to need this.” Shen Yuan gingerly took something out from his pocket and placed it into Shen Qingqiu's hand, closing his fingers over it discreetly. "Don't… don't throw it away, okay? Trust me." 

After saying his goodbyes, Shen Yuan returned to his Binghe. At the moment, he looked on the verge of a tantrum. "Why did shizun have to talk to him for so long-" 

Despite being much, much smaller than Bingge, Shen Yuan fisted his hand in the OP protagonist’s robe and pulled. Shen Qingqiu watched, amazed, as the demon lord was easily brought down to Shen Yuan's level, their noses nearly touching. 

"Is Binghe questioning this master?" Shen Yuan asked cooly. 

Bingge shivered, a happy flush on his face as he hurriedly threw his arms around Shen Yuan. "I would never, shizun! Please punish this stupid disciple for his offence!" 

"You claim you'd never do it, then ask for punishment? What am I to do with my masochist of a student?" When Shen Yuan sighed and covered his mouth with a fan, it did nothing to hide the joy in his eyes. 

Beside him, Bingmei blushed at the scene and snuck a hopeful glance at his own teacher. Shen Qingqiu was going to throw up blood. Seriously, what the hell was this? 

Bingge opened a portal quickly, enthusiastic to be alone with his Shen Yuan back in their own world. The original stallion protagonist with a (former!) harem of hundreds held out his hand for his shorter husband to take. Shen Yuan gave Shen Qingqiu an elegant nod and stepped through the gateway. 

With just the two of them left, Bingmei wrapped his arms around Shen Qingqiu’s waist. Resting his chin on his shizun’s shoulder, he asked, “what did he give you, shizun?" 

Shen Qingqiu looked down at the item in his hand, and he immediately wanted to end his life. It was a bottle of lube. 

“Isn’t that… shizun, is this for my treat!?” 

It had been about two weeks since Binghe had returned to Qing Jing. He’d received mixed reactions. 

Excitement from Ning-shijie: “A-Luo, you’re finally back! I have so much to tell you!” 

Disappointment from Han Jiu: “Oh, you’re still alive.” 

Anger from Ming Fan: “What were you thinking, going off on your own!? Shizun was beside himself with-”

Whatever Ming Fan was about to say was cut off when shizun smacked him with his fan. 

While things had more or less returned to normal, Binghe wanted to explain himself. He found them all on the Qing Jing training grounds together. Han Jiu was cleaning an iron sword, while Ning Yingying sparred with Ming Fan. When they saw him approach with shizun and heard Binghe say he had an announcement, they waited patiently. 

“The truth is…” Binghe swallowed nervously as he began. “The one before you is a demon.” 

Han Jiu didn’t look up from his sword as he mockingly replied, “no way, really?” 

Ning-shijie had always been a terrible actress, and now was no exception. “Oh my goodness, this is news to me!” 

Ming Fan fell onto his ass, staring up at him with wide eyes. “You’re a demon?” 

Binghe continued, “I have unified the demon realm as its emperor. There is little resistance against my rule because… I descend from the royal bloodline of heavenly demons.” 

“ Wow ,” Han Jiu said with a roll of his eyes, “I totally didn’t figure that out years ago.”

Ning-shijie added, “that’s right, I also did not learn so meeting that other version of you! This is shocking!” Binghe wondered if the others knew that she wasn’t even being sarcastic- she was really just that bad at lying. 

Ming Fan pointed at him in fear, his hand shaking. “A heavenly demon!?” 

“And lastly…” Binghe kissed Shen Qingqiu’s cheek, grinning when his husband opened a fan to hide his face. “Shizun and this disciple have been wed.” 

“What!?” Shen Jiu shrieked as he dropped the sword. 

“When?” Ning-shijie wailed, “you didn't invite me to the wedding!”

The four of them all looked at Ming Fan, waiting for his shocked cry. He scoffed in return. “Come on, that was obvious.” 

Shen Jiu punched his shixiong’s arm while Ning Yingying shook Ming Fan by the collar like a thug. “You didn't say anything!” 

Shizun allowed the fighting for a few moments before he snapped, “settle down!” His students pulled apart immediately, standing straight in waiting. “Return to your training.” 

Indeed, things had settled into their regular routine. During all his time in the abyss, Binghe had just wanted things to go back to normal. So it was a surprise when he saw shizun correct Ming Fan’s form and felt resentment at the sight. 

If Shen Qingqiu had looked back at his disciple, he would have seen the hungry, jealous way Luo Binghe watched him teach his students. They’d had shizun all to themselves while Binghe was gone, and even now, they were stealing away his husband’s time. Couldn’t he have shizun to himself?

“Shizun,” Binghe called out. “Didn’t you say you needed to polish your sword?”

He hadn’t, but Shen Qingqiu could figure out Binghe wanted them alone for whatever reason. He hummed. “Indeed. You three, go fetch the wax and towels.” When the disciples dutifully ran off, he raised a brow at Binghe. “What was that for?” 

Binghe grasped his shizun’s hips, pushing him against a nearby wall. “Shizun shouldn’t spend so much time with them,” he breathed out. 

“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu scolded. His eyes darted around, checking his surroundings. “What if the children see?”