Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun rises proudly over the mountains in New Altea, as birds chirp and the bright pink color of the Juneberry flowers takes over the landscape. A big house casts its shadow over the fields. The air is moist, as the day washes the turmoil of last night’s storm away.

It has been 2 years since the war ended. A new era of peace ushered in the universe, using Allura’s sacrifice to continue life’s course. Planets were saved, families reunited, and homes rebuilt. The Galran race, once bloodthirsty and tyrannic, redefined itself and they were now slowly but surely shaping their new society, New Daibazaal.

This rebirth could not have been done without the Blade of Marmora. At that time, the entire universe hated the Galra. They despised what their race had done, and for a while, most of them recluded themselves in their ships or hid themselves amongst the shadows. Even the own Galra deemed change impossible. Nonetheless, The Blade of Marmora gave them a chance: new rules were formed, and treaties were signed. But a new rule stood against them all: One’s actions should never be justified by their race, and no race would be discriminated against ever again. One’s greed for power would never disturb our peace ever again. The Blade of Marmora showed the entire universe that we knew better than resentfulness and hate. They paved the path of forgiveness.

The Blade of Marmora was not immune to changes itself. Right after the war, the universe was torn apart. There were billions of planets that were damaged by the war, and the weapon and symbol that joined them together, Voltron, was gone. Nonetheless, with the help of the Galaxy Garrison and the Rebel Forces, The Blade of Marmora became the New Intergalactic Confederation. This Confederation started with only 5 members on its Board of Directors, but soon enough it became a symbol of peace and collaboration. The 5 original members were Sam, Kolivan, Krolia, Slav, and Shiro. With its growth, each member was responsible for a department.

Shiro and Sam were responsible for the Galaxy Garrison, now a powerful system entrusted with the universe’s weaponry and finance. Slav was the head of the Science and Development department, which soon enough ended up merging with Olkari, adding a few members more to the Board of Directors. Lastly, Kolivan and Krolia shaped The Blade of Marmora into a Relief Organization, which helped planets in need and eliminated possible rebel Galra groups that were still loyal to Zarkon.

Keith was a key piece in the development of the Blade of Marmora. Alongside Krolia and Kolivan, he gave countless speeches to the Galra and the rest of the universe, ensuring understanding and forgiveness. After turning down his position as an emperor, and instead teaching them about democracy, Kolivan offered him to be the Leader of the Blade of Marmora, which he accepted. He then gained the trust of Lotor’s generals and has been spreading peace to the rest of the universe ever since.

Hunk also wanted to help Keith after the war, so after being with his family for a few months he decided to temporarily join the Blade of Marmora. He eventually found out that fighting was still on the table (which oh my god Keith why didn’t you mention this before) and started using another form of diplomacy to strengthen and share a planet’s culture: gastronomy. He created a new service of the Blade of Marmora that was responsible to feed planets in need and to use food to install peace. Romelle, Shay, and other people saw the potential of this idea and joined, making his dream of joining people with food come true.

Pidge, naturally, joined Slav in the Science and Development department. She immediately was denied so by her mother, but since Pidge always gets what she wants, she ended up being the head of Earth’s Science and Development branch. She sometimes flew to Olkari to continue her studies, but she was content staying on Earth with her family. Matt helped her out whenever he wasn’t busy teaching at the Garrison.

And Lance… well. With the war, his family’s farm got annihilated, and so he convinced his family to move to New Altea and help Colleen expand agriculture, and hunk have raw ingredients for his meals. Initially, his family was reticent about leaving their home planet, but eventually they agreed. They didn’t have anything left there anyway. Veronica ended up joining the Blade of Marmora (thanks to Axca’s recommendation), so this only supported Lance’s idea. They ended up creating this beautiful farm on the outskirts of New Altea, and Lance was happy. At first.

The truth is, he didn’t tell his family to come here for no reason. He didn’t spend hours every day planting and taking care of those pink flowers for no reason. He was there because of… her. Moving here was like having her around him all the time. Pink was used by Alteans as a grieving color, and he was surrounded by it.

At first, he told himself that this was the way things were supposed to go. That it would hurt for a while because losing the love of your life to an unfair war was supposed to be heartbreaking. And it did hurt, but at least he had his family around. He could be with them, protect them. And most importantly, he could continue to spread her message like this. Peace.

…

Peace. It has been two years, and he still doesn’t fucking feel it.

Lance turns around in his bed and stares at the morning landscape. New Altea has one sun like the Earth does, and it almost looks like Earth, but it doesn’t quite feel like it. The rain doesn’t feel the same.

He puts his hand under the pillow and reaches for the photo under it. He hid it here like a dirty secret: His first and only photo with Allura. He can still remember her rose petal perfume on his skin like a tattoo, and her nervous smile and blush still provoke butterflies in his stomach. He gently brushes her face on the picture as he feels his chest ache for the millionth time this week.

With tears in his eyes, he looks up from the picture to the only poster on his wall. It’s a poster of himself wearing the blue paladin suit, brave pose, and determined gaze concordant with his message: “Rise Up Against The Galra Empire!”.

This is ridiculous. He is ridiculous. He sighs and covers his head with the duvet despite the heat. He hears a whisper:

“What would she think if she saw you like this? All worthless, dying away on a farm.”

Yeah, that’s probably right.

You see, Lance has been hearing that voice for a while, at least a few months ago. At first, it only called his name. But then it started getting bolder. And louder. Now he can’t even shut it up. It says horrible things, like telling him to kill himself. Sometimes he hears Allura.

The worst is that if he even manages to get some sleep, it’s filled with nightmares about his fights when he was a paladin. He remembers he killed people for this. All the blood, the terrified gaze of some Galra soldiers before succumbing to death… you never forget it.

And you might think, woah that’s ... not a good way to start your day. Lance doesn’t think that either, but it’s just the way things are right now.

It obviously all started when Allura died. He felt like a piece of him had been ripped away from his soul, but Shiro told him he would heal, so he believed him. His family was there with him and urged him to get out of bed, to be with them instead of being alone, and it did work. For a while. But after the lions disappeared, he just couldn’t try anymore. The only reminder he had of her, of her presence, was the Blue Lion. He sometimes went inside of the cockpit and stayed there for a while, because it felt like she was there with him. When the lions flew away, all those peaceful moments where he could feel her were gone.

So he lost himself as well. He stopped trying. Some days he stayed in bed and didn’t get out until the next morning when he was hungry. He lost weight and worst of all, he lost his family’s selfless comprehension. He snapped at them very often, and some days he shouted at them to leave him alone, so naturally they stopped trying. The voice told him what to do anyway, and when he was finally alone it whispered more. “At least now you don’t bother anyone.”

No one knows about the voice. He once tried telling his mother about it, but she got scared, she did not want to listen and just told him to get some sleep. And if his own mother didn’t believe him, what makes him think other people will?

Don’t get him wrong, he tried some therapy. It’s not like he gave up without trying at first. Though, all the therapists he tried were just fucking useless. For example, they would say things like “You deserve to be loved”, “You have to move on”, “No Lance, you can’t joke about your trauma“ like they splurt the same fucking speech to everyone else for them to get paid and feed their cats or whatever. If he wants to joke about his trauma he fucking will, thank you very much. But yeah, therapy? Not for him. He’d rather rot in peace if he’s a lost cause anyway.

He also cut all contact with his friends. They are too busy to be with him anyway because they barely talked, so he blocked them all. He doesn’t think none of them care because none of them has even noticed, there have been no visits here yet that indicate otherwise. He supposes they are being a team on their own, being all amazing and shit, and that-

“You were just the seventh wheel after all.”

Yeah. That. Thanks, I guess?

A growl from his stomach brings his attention back to the present, and he notices that some people have begun their morning routine already by the noises coming from downstairs.

He decides to wake up and go to his bathroom to check himself in the mirror. Dead blue eyes meet his gaze, and a bright blue light tints his cheeks intensely. His hair is disheveled, and his eyebags could carry groceries at this point. He has quite a bunch of pimples on his forehead. Oh yeah, he ditched his skincare routine. Why spend extra time looking at himself in the mirror if he only sees a disappointment marked with two blue marks his dead girlfriend gave him? Yeah, he’d rather pass.

He puts on a dirty T-shirt and makes his way down the stairs, earning a few curious gazes from some of his family members as if his appearance resembled Lady Gaga’s. He doesn’t get out of his room at all lately.

Once he arrives at the kitchen, his mother greets him sweetly and carefully, with a glimpse of worry in her eyes. It makes him sick.

- Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well? Do you want anything for breakfast?

- The only good sleep I could get would be if someone shot me dead, so not really. And I’ll help myself, no need to make me anything.

Her mother nods in silence, tightening her lips. Lisa (his big brother’s wife) sighs deeply and sternly tells Silvio and Nadia to go play outside. They do as they’re told, leaving only three people in the kitchen.

- Lance, I’d appreciate it if you kept those comments to yourself, especially in front of the kids. I don’t want them to learn that kind of humor.

Lance scoffs.

- I wasn’t kidding. And good morning to you too. I’ll keep my mouth shut if that’s what you want.

He quickly grabs an apple and some Juneberry fruits and goes outside to eat them. He hears his mother call him after the ordeal, but he doesn’t react.

The sunrise this morning is especially beautiful. He’s always loved sunrises and sunsets. It calms him. He wishes she was here to witness it.

Rachel gets out of the house and sits next to him with an apple herself.

- Hello Emo Lance, glad to see the darkness hasn’t engulfed you yet.

A faint smile tugs at his lips. Rachel can always cheer him up, even if it’s only a little bit. They always had this weird twin connection thingy where they just get each other. Though, lately, that connection it’s been faltering, as Rachel is not immune to Lance’s dryness.

- Nope, still alive, kind of. - He answers, taking another bite of his apple.

They sit in silence for a while admiring the sunrise, only hearing Silvio and Nadia’s bickering and the chickens clocking in the distance.

- Today the Blade of Marmalade is coming to get some supplies. - She breaks the silence abruptly.
- Hmm. How’s that my business?
- Lance. – Rachel warns him. – Quit your bullshit. As you know, Luis and I are going away for his job interview. But there’s been something Mom hasn’t told you yet. Lisa’s sister has had her babies so Marco can’t take care of the Blade of Marmora today. And since Mom and Dad are NOT talking with the Blade of Marmora, they will need you to do the business.

Lance sits up abruptly.

- What?! That’s nonsense! Why can’t Mom or Dad talk to the Blade of Marmora? Why does Luis have to go, it’s not his family!

Rachel sits up and gets close to his face, pointing an accusatory finger at his chest.

- Because they ARE his family, Lance, for fuck’s sake! And you know damn well Mom and Dad have no idea about business, Dad can’t even read well.
- But-
- But nothing! You are taking care of this shit. Lance, you’re 21 years old, you can’t avoid everyone until the end of time. It’s time you got your shit together.
- I don’t need you to do this-
- Nope, but I do. Sorry Lancey Lance, you’re doing this.

She pats him on his chest and leaves him dumbfounded in the hall, arms stretched and mouth agape.

- So, I have no say in this?!- He shouts, uselessly, judging by the lack of response.

“You are going to fuck this up, like everything you do.”

***

By the time everyone is gone he’s standing in the middle of the field, awaiting the blade’s arrival. He looks beside him and sees Nadia and Silvio jumping of excitement next to him.

- Can you stop that, guys? It’s annoying. - he says, crossing his arms and frowning.

They stop immediately, and Lance catches them rolling their eyes before he focuses his gaze on the horizon.

“They hate you, you’re a disappointment for them.”

He breathes evenly in and out, this is not the time for this. The blades are supposed to come at 12 am, and it was almost the time. His sister asked him to do this, if he’s going to be useless, he can at least try to hold it together and not have a panic attack right now, thank you very much.

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud noise coming from above, and suddenly a yet black ship paves its way through the clouds.

- They are here! - Shouts Nadia, excited.

The ship lands right in front of them, and as it stops, and the doors open a lean figure makes its way through the door.

Flowy raven hair, thick furrowed eyebrows, and dark indigo eyes stare at him intensely.

Keith.

Chapter Text

- Keith Kogane is here! - Nadia shouts, as her braids fly with the wind coming from the ship’s propeller.

Keith’s gaze moves from Lance to Nadia and smiles politely at her.

- Hey, Nadia, it’s been a while. - He says as he gets close.

Behind him follow his team: Acxa, Veronica, Zethrid, and Ezor. Great, the lesbian squad, Lance thinks.

- Lance! - Veronica shouts and launches herself toward him in a tight hug.

Lance stays still but eventually wraps his arms around his big sister and hugs her loosely.

- Veronica, hi. Wha-what are you guys doing here?
- Oh, we were close by and since there were no ships near, we decided to stop by.
- We normally don’t do this, so consider yourself lucky. - Keith says, jokingly. Though, Lance does not laugh.
- Yeah, lucky me. - He says, voice charged with sarcasm.

To be fair, it seems as if Lance is the dick here, but hear him out. His relationship with Keith died down like the others did. First, it was Pidge. She stopped sending messages after a while, and after a while, Hunk did the same. Lance’s messages stood I delivered for days. He understands that they have very busy lives but let’s be real, it takes a tick to answer a simple text. He doesn’t really get why they ghost them. Shiro eventually did the same. Ever since he got together with that Curtis guy, it’s like he didn’t care about Lance. I guess Lance was a bit more patient with Keith because the guy genuinely lacked any kind of people skills, but eventually, he ended up blocking him too. The truth is, ever since the war they didn’t really mind that Lance wasn’t there. They feigned being a family, but the truth is that the second it takes effort to maintain communication they all just… vanish. As if none of it mattered. They all left him when he needed them the most. The voice says that he deserves it. Maybe it’s right.

The point is, Keith left. Keith always leaves, and Lance is done with that. I guess the guy is just too busy being admired by the entire universe to care about Lance.

Everyone stood silent for a second until Lance’s voice broke the silence.

- Come on, let’s get this over with.

***

After discussing what kind of ingredients, they would take and the price of those, Keith and Lance stayed outside discussing the last details.

- So, we just leave them in the trunk and that’s it? - Lance asks
- Yeah, I can get my ship closer to the greenhouse if it helps.
- Ok, do whatever you want.

Lance starts to walk away, but Keith stops him by grabbing him by the arm.

- Lance. - He says his name and Lance feels like hitting him. - What’s wrong?

Lance looks into his eyes for the first time since Keith came and speaks.

- Nothing is wrong, Keith. Now, take your shit and leave to be the hero the universe needs.

Keith frowns and backs up.

- What the hell does that mean? Why are you acting like such a dick? Why did you block me? I tried calling you.
Lance laughs grimly.
- Sure you did, Kogane. Why do you ask as if care anyway? I thought you were content with your mommy in space.
- Lance what-
- No, man. I think you don’t get it because you’re just this fucking dense.

“Say it”

Lance gets closer to Keith, like a wolf intimidating another wolf.

- I don’t want you here, I don’t want to see your fucking face. I want you to go away and never come back, and I’m sure you will do that even if I don’t ask you to.

“Hurt him”

- The thing with people like you Keith, is that they don’t care, they just pretend. And people that pretend, don’t deserve anything good. You’re just a filthy half-Galra trying to play human. Everyone may love you, but I see the real Keith, a monst-

A slap in the face stops the venom words from spilling. Lance looked at Keith. He’s never seen Keith with tears in his eyes.

- Keith, what a nice surprise! - Lance’s mom got out of the house and started walking toward them.
- Hello Mrs. McClain. We were just leaving- Keith said, already walking away towards his ship.
- Oh no, please. Stay for dinner. Veronica was just introducing us to Axca.

Keith stands there for a while, takes a deep breath, and when he turned around it was as if a different person had taken hold of his body. He throws a big smile at Rosa McClain and exclaims.

- If that’s the case, then I would absolutely love it.

Since when was Keith a fake ass bitch?

- I’m glad, and Lance, I’m sure you boys have a lot to catch up on.

Keith smiles.

- We already caught up enough, there’s nothing left to say. – At that last sentence Keith made sure to look straight at Lance’s eyes.

“You did it, he hates you as much as you hate him now. You don’t deserve anyone that loves you anyway”

“You’d be better off dead”
“Please just shoot yourself already”

Hearing new voices was weird.

*

At dinner, Nadia invaded the blades with questions about their job.

- And what does a mission typically look like?

Lisa laughed nervously.

- Nadia, come on, you’re going to overwhelm the guests.

Axca replied with a faint smile.

- It’s fine, I was as eager as her when I was her age. A typical blade unit consists of 3-4 members, but I’ve seen a 6 unit happen once, it was very enticing. We typically give necessary supplies to planets that need it, like the food you’re giving to us, but we sometimes find ourselves arresting Galrans that are still loyal to Zarkon.

- Wooow- Sylvio adds- That’s so sick.

Axca frowns, confused.

- Why would it be sick? It’s not an illness.

Veronica laughs.

- No babe, he means that it’s awesome.

Axca blushes a little at the pet name, and the rest of the family laughs. Lance grimaces.

Suddenly sparks and an electric zap appears next to Keith.

- IS THAT THE COSMIC WOLF?!- Nadia exclaimed, jumping off her chair.
- Nadia please, keep it down and stay put. – Luis reprimanded her.
- It’s ok - Keith chuckled. - You can pet her if you want.

Lance clicks his tongue.

- Actually Keith, dogs are not allowed in the house.

Keith sends him a death stare and stands up.

- Don’t worry Lance, we were just leaving.

- Oh, no, please Keith, Lance did not mean it- Rosa says in a worried tone. - There’s no such rule.
- Yeah Lance, why don’t you cool down a bit upstairs? I’m sure you’re tired with all you did today- Adds his brother Marco, visibly annoyed.

Lance stands up abruptly, making the chair shriek, and storms out of the room. Keith sits down and notices how a new conversation about Veronica’s old cat Flash begins. He worriedly looks at the dining room’s door for a while until the conversation calls him.

**

Veronica is about to knock on Lance’s door until she sees Rachel’s arms all across the hall hurriedly forming a giant X. She sighs, and Rachel makes a “follow me“ sign that takes them all the way downstairs towards the kitchen.

- What’s the matter with Lance? - Veronica says, once they arrive at the kitchen. - He’s getting worse.

Rachel sighs as she leans over the kitchen counter.

- I don’t know. He’s not himself anymore.

Suddenly Keith walks through the door with an empty glass.

- Sorry to interrupt, I was just coming to get some water.

- Keith, I’m sorry about Lance- Rachel looks at him with an apologetic look. - As I was telling Vero, he’s not himself lately. He’s snapping at us like… like he wants us to hate him.

Keith frowns, thinking.

- Please, Keith, Vero. - Rachel gets closer to Veronica and holds her hands- I can’t see him like this anymore. He barely eats, he doesn’t sleep. Sometimes I see him talking to himself like a psycho. Can you do something?

Veronica looks away.

- Rachel, what do you want us to do?

Keith intervenes.

- We could-
- Send him away. With you. – Rosa’s comment surprises everyone, and they all turn their heads to look at her standing at the door.
- Mamá! Since when have you been listening? - Rachel exclaims.

Rosa ignores the question.

- Please, Keith. Help my son. There is something wrong with him. I can feel it.

Keith stares at Rosa’s eyes and sees desperation. He sees hurt, guilt, and regret. He sees in her eyes exactly what he feels in his heart.

- Rosa, I promise from the bottom of my heart to do whatever it takes to make Lance feel happy. – Rosa sighs happily at that. - I will propose him the idea, but I must warn you, I will not force him to come with us.
- Do what you must. Thank you, Keith. – Rosa slowly walks over to where the trio stands and wraps her arms around Keith.

Keith’s breath hitches. Her hug feels warm and motherly. He slowly wraps her arms around her back, not wanting to overstep boundaries.

- I’m going to check on him- Keith says, after a while.
- Are you sure? - Rachel asks, hesitant. – I saw you guys fight a while ago.

Keith looks at her intently.

- I’m sure.

***

“Worthless” “Idiot” “So greedy”

The whispers are relentless. They’re slowly taking over Lance’s brain to the point where silence is rare. Lance has been crying for a while now, but he’s bored of it.

“Go to the window” “Come on.”

Lance wakes up and goes to his window. The window leads to a big balcony that also has access to Rachel’s room. He gets out of his room, and soon the summers night’s breeze hits his face and naked torso, making him shiver a little bit.

“Jump”

He gets closer to the edge.

“Jump”

His hands rest on the wooden railing.

“JUMP” “JUMP”

- Lance.- Keith’s hand rests on his shoulder, grounding him.
Lance gasps, scared to death.

- Keith. – His breath is ragged and uneven.
- Are you ok? - Keith asks, taking his hand away from Lance’s shoulder, and letting it rest on the railing.

Lance doesn’t respond. The only noise surrounding them is the crickets as Keith observes Lance’s marks, glowing intensely.

- I miss her. – Keith admits, guiding his gaze to New Altea’s two moons, watching over them silently.

Lance grits his teeth and looks at Keith.

- Don’t talk about her like you care, Keith.

Keith looks at Lance’s eyes again, determined.

- But I do, Lance. We all do. It has been 4 months since we talk. I have had NO news from you, do you have any idea of how scared we all are for you? - He says, raising his voice a little bit.
- Keith! -
- NO! Lance. Let me talk. – Lance sighs, angrily, looking away. - I’m going to offer you a position on the Blade of Marmora.

Lance’s eyebrows arch, but he still doesn’t look Keith in the eye.

- This position will have to be earned though. You first be subjected to a 4-month probationary period. Then, you will have to pass a test to ensure that you can handle being in my unit.

Lance finally looks at Keith, and his gaze is not hostile anymore.

- I know you’re not happy here, Lance. And you know more than anymore that Allura would not have saved the universe if this is how you’re going to end up living your life. Treat her gift well, Lance. Don’t throw your life away, or else all she did would have been for nothing. – He pauses, turning away from Lance. - We’re leaving tomorrow at 7. Don’t be late, we will not wait for you.

Keith does not give Lance time to respond. He goes as quickly as he came, disappearing into the shadows of Lance’s room.

***

Lance can’t sleep. The turmoil of the voices mixes with Keith’s voice, should he do it? Should he leave? Should he stay?

…

Should he leave her?

Lance wakes up from his bed and looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“Worthless”

“Stupid”

As the voices arise, he sees his marks glow. He lets himself remember Allura’s face in an attempt to lull them out. Those same marks that now haunt him tinted her cheeks pink, contrasting against her bright blue eyes, always full of life. He remembers the way she brought all those planets to life, the way she made that tree bloom.

Keith is right. Allura was life, and right now Lance is the opposite of it. He hates his own life. Allura gave him life and he’s wasting it.

“Allura would have despised you. Maybe she did.”

- SHUT UP!! – Lance shouted. Lance heard more and more voices surround him, and he saw his marks glow like they’d never glowed before. He starts crying again, and the tears burn his face.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t fair. This is cruel, and, and scary, and he needs help.

He vaguely hears his door open, and suddenly he feels arms around him.

- Lance, cariño. Mi amor. Shhh, ya está. Mamá está contigo. Mom is here, I’m here.

She gently rocks his body side to side, as she whispers comforting words to his ears, kissing his temple from time to time.

The voices fade, and he falls asleep.

***

He wakes up in the morning on the bed, with his pajamas on. Was his mother even here at all last night?

He reaches over his phone and looks at the time. It’s 6:55 am.

He rushes over to his closet and picks a few T-Shirts, pants, and underwear. He throws it all in a bag and rushes downstairs.

Keith is saying his last goodbyes to the McClain family.
- Have a safe flight, my boy. - Rosa says while engulfing him in one last hug.
- Thank you, Rosa. I’m sorry about Lance.

She hugs him harder.

- At least you tried, darling. Lance is lucky to have you as a friend.

Keith notices her voice is teary, and his throat starts to ache.

- Thank you. - He manages to whisper.

Suddenly, he hears something in the distance. He stops hugging Rosa and squints in that direction.

- -AIT! WAAAAAIIIIT!!

He sees a lean figure running in the distance. The rest of the family starts hearing the shouts and turn their heads toward the scene.

- KEITH YOU MOTHERFUCKER WAIT FOR ME!!

Keith sighs, alleviated. He smiles at Rosa, and she looks right back at him, mouthing a “Thank you”. He nods at her, and as Lance approaches, he tries to hide his excitement.

As Lance arrives, he stops for a few seconds, panting and sweating like a pig. Damn, he really has lost shape.

- Are you done dying? - Keith says dryly, looking down at Lance, that has sat down on the floor.
- Fuck- hah- you- huh. - Lance looks up at him and sees Keith offering him a hand.

Lance bats his hand out and gets himself off the floor.

- Let’s get this over with. – Lance says, still a little short in the breath.

After Lance hugs all his family, he steps into the ship as Ezor and Zethrid look at him menacingly.

As the ship starts flying away from the planet, Lance sees his family and the farm he lived on for two years shrink until it’s just another star. He looks at the scenery and sees millions of stars surrounding him, reminding him of the vastness of the universe.

He feels so small.

Chapter Text

Lance is admiring a distant purple nebula when he hears a cough behind him, and suddenly all the amazement he felt turns into sourness.
He turns his body away from the window with a cocked eyebrow and his arms crossed. Keith looks back at him, mimicking his sourness, and starts talking.

- We will arrive at the base in 15 doboshes. When we arrive, Veronica will show you the way to your room, the training area, and the dining area. Your weapons and suit will be available to you in your room, which is number 1102. Remember the number.

Lance nodded, still throwing his teammate daggers with his eyes.

- I got it, Keith, thank you. – He mutters.

Ezor walks up to them.

- From now on, you cannot call him Keith. He’s your boss, so speak to him appropriately or you will not last long here.

Lance laughs sarcastically and bows at Keith.

- I’m sorry, Mr. Oh So Powerful Boss. I will not dare to speak to you again, I’m only a peasant after all.

Keith frowns.

- Call me Boss. End of story. – Keith turns and sits down in the control room, changing the settings and now piloting the ship manually.

Lance scoffs. Unbelievable. Ezor looks at him and whispers.

- Listen, Pointy chin. I was not kidding. Treat him with respect, and you will be fine. And if you don’t …- Lance sees a twinkle from the corner of his eye, and the next thing he knows a knife is being pressed against his throat. - You will suffer consequences. Got it?

Lance nods quickly, and Ezor takes the knife away. She quietly sits down next to the rest of the crew. Veronica was too busy chatting with her girlfriend to notice, and Zethrid was silently watching from the distance.

Lance gulps.

Gosh, this was a mistake.

***

When they arrive at the base, Lance begrudgingly follows Veronica. Nonetheless, once he’s inside the main hall, he drops the frown and opens his mouth in awe. The Blade of Marmora’s base is bigger than he remembered it. Hundreds of blade soldiers from all races are walking around, and as he walks towards the center, he sees dozens of floors that rise all the way to the ceiling. A purple light hued the entire scenery, making him feel inside the nebula he was admiring a few doboshes ago.

- Yeah, we upgraded our base a little bit. Keith didn’t mention it, but now with the money of the New Intergalactic Coalition, we can make this base feel like an entire city.

Lance looks at Veronica, puzzled.

- How much money do you guys have?

His sister’s blue eyes twinkle as she smirks.

- Enough to get paid a decent amount. That’s how Keith lured me in.
- Gosh, that’s- wait. Will I get paid?

She turns around and continues walking towards the other end of the hall, saluting other blades with her nods. Lance quickly follows.

- HAH. You wish. These 4 months will be like an internship. But the food, water, and electricity expenses are already paid, so don’t complain.
- What? Who paid them?
- Keith did. - Veronica says, as they enter one of the big corridors of the main hall.

Lance feels annoyed.

- He didn’t have to.

Veronica’s ponytail swings to the side like a whip as she turns her head to look at him.

- No, he didn’t. He could have let you rot on that farm. But he still chose to be nice to you, so be grateful.

Lance stays quiet.

Veronica takes a turn to the left, and as Keith said, she shows him the dining area, the training rooms, and the gyms, and finally leads them to the dorm area.

Once they arrive at the dorms, he tells his sister his number and she enters it on a machine on the wall. She tells Lance to put his fingerprint on the screen of the machine. After moving his finger around a little bit, and adding a security pin for emergencies, Veronica guides the Cuban to his room.

- This mechanism prevents anyone from losing cards, or keys. Technically, the pin should only be used for emergencies, like the ship’s power turning off or whatnot. But well, eventually people started sharing the pins with their friends, or lovers, so as long as you don’t give your pin away to create your personal brothel, you’re good.

Lance snorts.

- Sure.
- It was not a joke. – She smiles. - It has happened before. You should have seen Keith’s face when he found out.

Lance pictured the scene in his brain, and that made him smirk. Keith always gets scandalized so easily.

- There you go. – His sister stops in front of a door. - Suit up and take your preferred weapon. You will be meeting the rest of the cadets in the training hall 8 at 12:00.

Lance gasps.

- Cadets? Is this the fucking Groundhog Day?

Veronica rolls her eyes, brings a hand to her hip, and smirks.

- That’s no way to speak to Lieutenant, Cadet.

- You’re- You!! – He accusatorily points his finger at his sister’s face and grunts but drops his arm once he sees it’s useless. - I hate your guts sometimes.

Veronica laughs, and despite feeling ridiculed, Lance feels his chest warm up with fondness. Her sister’s bubbly laugh has never changed, and Lance still recalls all the pranks her sister pulled at the old farm on Earth, and how they eventually laughed at them together. It almost feels like a dream.

Lance quickly shakes the memories away.

- Whatever, Vero. What are we going to do at 1200 hours?

As Veronica’s laughter dies down, she responds.

- As I said, you’re going to meet the other cadets. Then, Keith will come and will give you guys a speech about how these 4 months will work. Then, you’ll get to training. He’ll explain all the details. Now, I must leave, I have a mission planned with the team.

As Veronica starts to walk away, Lance stops her.

- Wait! Will I see you again? - He asks, feeling vulnerable.

- Of course, you will, you dummy! You cadets have to come on missions with us from time to time to learn how it’s done. Don’t tell Keith I told you, but you’re assigned to our team with two other cadets.

- I don’t get it, why does Keith do all this?

Veronica sighs but avoids the question.

- Get dressed. I’ll see you at lunch.

Lance longingly watches as her sister walks away, and when she’s out of sight he puts his finger in the pad on the wall. The door swings open, and as he walks in, he realizes the rooms are very similar to the ones in the Castle of Lions.

He doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.

After inspecting the bathrooms and looking at the materials he had available (one bottle for the toothpaste and another one for gel/shampoo/conditioner, yikes), he comes back and lets himself fall into the bed. Suddenly his back hits something hard, and as he cries out an “OW!” and looks at the source of his pain, he notices that there’s a metal briefcase. He curiously opens it and inside it reveals a Blade of Marmora suit and some weapons, such as a knife and a gun.

He examines the black and purple suit for a minute.

He really is doing this, huh?

Suddenly, whispers start to cloud his thoughts.

“You’re gonna fuck this up like you always do.”

“Your sister will hate you.”

“Keith hates you.”

“TAKE THE GUN”

“KILL-”

Lance whimpers and shakes his head. He quickly goes to the shower and turns the faucet on, letting the cold water wash it all away. He stands there shaking and crying for a while, as the voices quiet down.

Gosh, he really is a mess.

***

When he arrives at the training hall 8 at 12:00, he sees a group of people dressed the same way he is in the middle of the area. There are around 20 cadets of different shapes and sizes, and they are all talking to each other in groups of 3-4. Keith is standing in front of them, intently reading a datapad. It looks like his arrival is all they needed to begin, he notices, a bit ashamed.

He suddenly remembers that people could recognize him, so he quickly presses a tiny button on his wrist, which activates the mask.

When he gets closer to the group, Keith looks up at him and turns off the datapad. He gives it to another blade, which stands at his side.

- Good morning, Cadets. – Keith says, causing all the cadets in the room to immediately straighten their backs and look at him, almost in unison. Lance copied their movements, even if he didn’t feel like it.
- Today is your very first day of the 4-month probationary period. This will not be remunerated. However, we have 5 places available for the 12 of you, and if you rank amongst the first, you will have the opportunity to be one of the few Lieutenants of this ship. – Lance’s breath hitched. Keith did NOT tell him he’d have to compete with other people for this. - We picked you because all of you have special abilities that could be wonderful assets right now. As you know, lately the signs of rebel activity have shown a concerning increase in Zarkon’s supporters, and we suspect that a powerful clan has been formed. With this clan on the loose, peace in the universe is not assured. It is our job to keep the ones we love safe, so take this test seriously. What you learn will save lives someday.

Keith walks from side to side, inspecting all the cadets’ actions, carefully observing. He pauses for a few seconds before resuming his speech.

- The first half of your training will consist of 2 months of basic physical training. You will learn the Blade of Marmora’s way of fighting. You also will learn to master the basic weapons used in war. You will fight each other, against bots, and on simulations. The second part of the program will consist of more… mental training. I will give you more information about it when the time comes. Of course, if you absolutely want to know more about it, I can tell you, but right now it’s not important. Any of you can leave at any time, this is not a prison.

At that last phrase, Keith makes sure to look at Lance. What a dick.

- As I mentioned before, you will be ranked from best to worst based on the various challenges you will face. At the end of these two months, half of you will be asked to leave. The same procedure will be applied for the second half.

“What the fuck, are we in a Divergent movie? I’m sure this sadistic asshole binged it all.” Lance thinks.

- Any questions?- Keith asks, now standing in the same place that he was when he started talking.

There was a long silence before someone’s low voice echoes near Lance. It comes from a big cadet, at least 2 meters, and a strong build. Lance gulps. He was sooo fucked.

- Are we allowed to do whatever it takes to rank high? - Oh, good heavens he’s going to die here.

Keith frowns and stares at this cadet for a while before answering.

- Any person that tries to kill, harm or willingly impair someone with the intent of making their rank higher will be immediately expulsed from the base and they will not be allowed to postulate to any Blade of Marmora positions ever again. Understood?

Lance lets himself relax at that, but he makes a mental note to try not to make enemies here.

The big cadet nods, slightly embarrassed.

- Any more questions?

Lance raises his hand.

- Are we going to be attending real missions with the Lieutenants during the first two months?

Keith nods.

- Yes, thank you, cadet. As for the first month, no. You will first acquire basic training before you put yourself out there. Some of you may be a little… rusty. - He saw Keith smirk at that. Oh my god, Keith IS a dick.

- Thank you, Kei- Boss. – Lance corrects himself swiftly. Don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about respecting Keith’s rank. He just doesn’t want people to find out who he is, or they may make him the target. Lance has seen enough movies to know that being quirky and special got the protagonist in crappy situations.

Keith sends him a death stare as if he was thinking the same thing as Lance. He has to be careful.

- I have a question. – Says the blade next to Keith, raising his hand.

Keith cocks an eyebrow and crosses his arms, looking at the blade.

- Yes, Lieutenant Io?

- What will the tests be? When will they be made? - Lieutenant Io is tall and lanky, and he has a tail that swings from side to side.

- That’s more than one question. -Keith smiles. Whoever this blade is, he has to be close to Keith. – But thanks for the remark. The tests will consist of 4 parameters: speed, physical strength/martial arts, mastering swords or guns, and teamwork. At the end of each week, a parameter will be tested, and then you will be ranked. This week’s parameter is physical strength and martial arts. If you need any help, two Lieutenants will be here while you train. Today, Io and I will be the ones surveilling. In the morning the pair of Lieutenants will prepare some activities for you, but the afternoon is free for you to do whatever you deem necessary. Any more questions?

The room stays silent.

- Good. If you have any doubt, you can always come to the Lieutenant's Office, on the 12th floor, next to the bridge. Now, warm up a little bit. – he says, smiling openly at that. - You are going to learn how to fight martial arts like a real blade.

Chapter Text

After making them run 15 laps around the training room (which showed Lance that he was waaaay more out of shape than everyone else on the team), Keith gathered them in the middle to show them a demonstration of defense and attack.

- Gather up, cadets. Now you will be able to watch a martial arts fight in real time. We will show you the basics after this, but right now you need to watch because by the end of the month, you will be expected to fight with the same level of expertise.

Lance has never been good at close combat, and Keith knows that. The fact that Lance is expected to fight like a professional based only on 2 months of training worries Keith to the core.

Initially, he wanted the probationary period to be 8 months instead of 4, but both Krolia and Kolivan disagreed. They said that the Blade of Marmora needed new people and that they needed them as soon as possible. The Board could not make any kind of plans to dismantle the Galra’s hostile clan if there were only 6 Lieutenants for the hundreds of soldiers on their quadrant. Keith guessed that to them quality was less important than quantity, but he kept that thought to himself. At the end of the day, it wasn’t him who called the shots, so he had to shove his opinion up his ass and do what he was told. He’s never liked to follow people’s orders, but if there’s one thing being a leader has taught him, was that he couldn’t just do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

If he is honest with himself, he is going to be a little bit biased. Lance is going to need a lot of help, and he wishes he could be with him at all times so he could rank high, but he can’t. That would not be professional at all. The fact that he could bring Lance as a candidate was risky enough, mainly because his objectiveness as a leader may be questioned.

He remembered the conversation he and Io had before coming to the training hall.
+++

- Come on Io, get your stuff, we’re going to be late. - Keith said, as a hint of impatience tainted his words.

Io noticed this, and as Keith turned his body around and opened the door, he blocked Keith’s path with his tail.

- What do you think you’re doing? - Keith asked, threatening.

Io jumped in front of Keith using his tail as a support and crossed his arms.
- You’re nervous. Why are you nervous about the cadets?

Keith grunted.

- Io, I’m fine. I’m not nervous about the cadets. – The raven-haired said, as he tried to go around the Lieutenant.

- You are. - Io said, blocking his path again.

- I’m not. - Keith insisted, trying to go around the other way.

- You are. - The alien repeated while his tail relentlessly stopped Keith from going through the door.

- I’m NOT!!- Keith snapped.

- You’re nervous about Lance. - Io said as he arched an eyebrow.

- I’M- Keith stopped his words to look at Io’s eyes, looking at him as if he expected all this. Keith gives up. - Okay, maybe I am. So what?

Io sighs, shaking his head.

- Keith, Keith, Keith. You’re hopeless. I knew this would happen from the moment Ezor told me that Lance was applying for the position.

- What exactly do you think is going to happen Io? - Keith asked, visibly annoyed. Io smirked teasingly.

- You’re going to fall in love with him all over again, and the results will be biased.

Keith blushed and backed away from his teammate.

- WHAT?! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK-

- Keith. - Io abandoned his teasing tone and looked into his eyes with concern. - We both know that Lance is your weak spot, don’t lie to yourself. I know you still love him, and I get it. But please, let me do the evaluations.

That pissed Keith off.

- What, you think I would cheat to get him in here? - He said, defensively.

- I’m not saying that, dumbass. I’m saying that I don’t want you to feel guilty if he doesn’t get in. And come on, this is not new! When you proposed to the Board that the applicants should not be obliged to have Galra DNA in their blood to enroll in the Blade of Marmora, the verdict was taken without your mother’s vote. TO AVOID BIAS.

Keith looked away. He hated when Io was logical like this, especially if he was right.

- And Keith, your feelings for that guy are not new. For Zarkon’s sake, Keith, we dated each other for a week because I reminded you of him, and you reminded me of Sazhra! Stop denying the obvious. You brought him here because you can’t stand the thought of him rotting away on some farm. Because you need him here.

Keith felt himself deflate. Io was right. He was still stupidly, annoyingly, irrevocably in love with Lance. He knew it the second those blue eyes landed on his.

- Fine. -Keith said, clenching his teeth, still blushing a little. - You’re right. You can do the evaluations.

Io put his hand on Keith's shoulder. He was always so supportive.

- I’m sorry Keith. This is not easy, especially when the guy seems to hate you right now. But we’re all here for you if you need us Boss.

- I told you all to stop calling me that!

- You told Lance to call you that. Is it only reserved for him? Uhhh… do you have a kink, Boss?

Keith rolled his eyes and smirked.

- Yeah, my kink is you shutting the fuck up.

- You didn’t seem to mind when I- OW!- Keith kicked him to the ground, ears red.

- Let’s get moving.

+++

Right now, he has to put Lance and Io’s conversation out of his mind. He must show these new cadets how to fight, and he has to be concentrated. He breathes deep as he puts himself in position.

- One of your hands needs to be near your face, and the other near your stomach. If I see another cadet bringing his two hands up leaving his stomach free, I will punch them right on their genitals. Understood?

Io laughs, adopting the same position.

- He is not joking; I still have bruises on my left nut. - He says. Keith smiles, but quickly regains his composure and continues talking.

- The two most important things about a fight like this, are to know when to attack and to know your strengths. Personally, since my physical strength is not like Io’s it would be pretty reckless to start attacking right away because he could throw me like a ragdoll. If my opponent is bigger and stronger than me, I normally adapt a defensive position and try to tire them down, because I know my strength is my speed and endurance. Once they’re tired enough, I attack until I win.

- Let’s see if you do. – Io says, sprinting towards Keith and landing the first blow.

Keith blocks the first blow with his forearm and rolls under Io’s arm until he’s behind him.

As he said, Keith keeps on jumping around, blocking attacks, and making Io move as much as he can. After a while, he notices Io’s movements are less precise and weaker.

Ducking down avoiding Io’s tail, Keith extends his leg, making Io trip back, and with a final flying kick, he sends Io a good 10 feet away on the floor. He quickly throws himself on top of the Lieutenant and starts the movement of knocking Io out with his fist but stopping one inch away from his face.

Keith looks up to the cadets and speaks, panting.

- That’s the end of the fight. When asked to fight with each other, try not to knock your opponent out.

Keith sits up and helps Io off the floor.

- Come on! – Io shouts. - Find a partner to spar with and try to find your strengths, and if you already know them, improve them. Do that for a varga and then you’re free to go have lunch.

Keith looks over at Lance and he sees him pair up with another alien his size that doesn’t seem really experienced. At least he will not get hurt today.

***

After the hour passes, and thankfully with no accidents, Io whistles.

- Cadets, come here!

They all quickly run over and stay as still as a statue.

- Do you have any questions before you go to lunch?

The big cadet that made the first question a few varga ago raises his hand. Keith doesn’t like him.

- How do we know we’re ready for a real fight?

Keith answered.

- You never truly are. Fights are unpredictable, and when your life is at stake there are no rules. - He pondered for a second, hand over his chin. - But I have an idea. - Io looked at him confused. - Once a week you will be allowed to challenge any of the Lieutenants and me to any of the parameters. - That way you can get a more concrete goal to strive for.

Io raised his eyebrows, surprised, but stayed quiet. The rest of the cadets reacted the same way.

- Though, I must remind you that we’re not the opponents, so don’t base your training around our strategies, since the Galra we’re looking for have tactics more centered around attack and strength. Zethrid is a good example of that, so whenever you get a chance try to practice martial arts with her.

Lance spoke.

- And what is your area of expertise? - He asked, raising his hand.
- Crochet- Io responded. - And shooting.

Keith smiled at the joke.

- You can practice speed and swords with me.

Lance nodded. Keith avoided thinking that Io was indeed a Galra Lance, as Hunk said.

- Now, disband. - Io said- I will take you to-
- Wait. - Keith made everyone look at him- One last thing. Whoever manages to beat any of us in their area of expertise will be ranked first on the list.

- But- Io started.

- Come on, it will be fun. - Keith insisted. - It’ll give them more drive. The competition is fun.

Io chuckled but ended up agreeing.

Once the cadets arrived at the cafeteria and Keith was left alone with Io, they both sat down at a table as Io started talking.

- I know what you did there, Keith.

Keith pretends he doesn’t hear him.

***

It was 2000 hours, and Keith is exhausted. That 2-hour long meeting talking about the Florians’ and Malakians’ conflict of interest could have definitely been an email. As he walks towards the showers, he has the idea of passing through the training room to spy on any newbies if there were any.

In the middle of the training hall 8, he can spot a few cadets still perfecting their moves and playing around with the weapons. A small figure fighting off the drones drives his attention.

He can tell who it is just by his movements.

He walks over to the control pad of the training room and turns all the programs off. A few groans and curse words are audible in the hall as Keith shouts:

- Good work cadets! Continue training as consistently, and your work will pay off. - All the cadets approach Keith until they all form a circle around him. - For now, go to your rooms. Tomorrow you will have to be here at 0600 hours, so rest. And don’t be late.

As the cadets leave the room one by one, Keith observes that Lance is still training with a sword. He watches his friend for a while, analyzing Lance’s movements. After a while, he decides to approach him.

- Did you hear me, Lance? You need to leave.

Lance stops his movements and stills. He turns off his mask.
- How did you know it was me?

- I know the way you fight, Lance. We fought together for 3 years; I could recognize your clumsiness anywhere. – Keith said. He meant for it to be a joke, but judging by the way Lance ignores him and continues to practice his movements, Lance did not find it funny.

- You’re holding the sword wrong. – Keith points out.

- I didn’t ask. - Lance grunts.

- If you want to have a chance of ranking high, you have to improve. You’re holding the sword way too high, and your movements are exaggerated. This sword is small and curvy for a reason, Lance, for you not to bother equilibrating the weight of it. Plus, your stance is too wide.

Lance’s echo fills the empty room like a clap of thunder.

- I said I don’t need your help, Keith! I know exactly what I’m doing. You’re not the only person who can teach me how to fight with a sword.

Keith's patience runs out.

- Fine, Lance. - Keith takes his blade out of his belt and awakens his blade. – Then fight me if you’re so good at this.

Lance stops what he’s doing and looks at him. He’s never seen Lance look so angry. Annoyed? Sure. But his gaze… makes Keith feel like Lance truly hates him.

Lance adopts a fighting stance and Keith does the same. Suddenly, Lance launches himself over Keith, sword over his head. Nonetheless, Keith takes advantage of Lance’s lack of coverage and kicks Lance in the stomach, making Lance eat the ground. By the time Lance looks up, Keith’s blade is pointing at his face.

- I told you- Keith said, looking down at Lance sternly. – That move is only for heavy swords. Where did you even learn it?

Lance frowns and looks away.

- Allura showed me. While you were away blowing stuff up with your blades or whatever, I unlocked the Altean broadsword from my bayard and she taught me how to use it. – Lance stands up from the ground and takes his sword- so don’t tell me I’m using this wrong.

Keith sighs, trying to be careful with his words.
- You are, though. Allura was a great fighter, but she did not fight with a sword. She may have taught you the basics, but she’s not an expert. Let me help you, Lance. You have to forget-

- FORGET HER?!- Lance exclaims as his marks start to glow. Keith’s eyes widen in surprise and fear.

- No, Lance, I-

- I will never forget- SHUT UP! SHUT IT!- Lance grabbed his head with his hands.- I will NEVER FORGET HER. I WILL NEVER MOVE ON. STOP IT!!- He drops his knees to the floor, as he starts crying.

Keith tries to get closer to Lance, but the now glowy-eyed boy screams.

- DON’T GET CLOSER OR I SWEAR I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU.

Keith gasps at the scenery. Something was very wrong with Lance. He tries to take a small step towards Lance, trying to help him, when a blade is thrown towards his face.

The world turns in slow motion as he barely dodges the knife, earning a cut in his ear and a few strands of hair to fall off.

- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND? – Keith shouts. – YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME.

Lance’s eyes glowed brightly, intensifying the hue of his Altean marks. His tears are the same turquoise blue, falling like diamonds from his face.

- I told you. Keith, they kept telling me to do it. THEY’RE STILL HERE! - Lance whimpers. - THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! GO AWAY!

A wave of energy hits Keith's body and flings him down to the floor as Lance's painful screams fill his ears. Keith closes his eyes shut, as he covers his face with his arms bracing himself.

Suddenly, the room goes silent.

He hears a thud, and as he looks around, he sees Lance’s body has gone limp on the ground.

- LANCE!!!

Chapter Text

Lance is floating. His surroundings are blue, and he feels the familiar caress the ocean waves cause when the sea is calm. He hears the seagulls in the distance and the murmur of wind. He feels the sun tickle his skin, he… he feels at peace.

Suddenly, a bright light appears right in front of him, and the weight of consciousness pulls his eyelids. When he opens them, he doesn’t recognize the room he’s in.

He’s lying on a white bed, and he’s wearing a blue hospital apron.

He hears a noise coming from the door, and a floating blue medusa the size of a human gets in the room.

He shrieks and presses his body against the wall.

- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU? - He shouts, his pitch being 10 octaves higher.

The blue thing speaks calmly.

- I am Raava. I am the doctor and psychiatrist of this ship. - That calms Lance down a little bit. - Keith brought you here yesterday because apparently you had fainted, and your entire face was glowing.

Lance winces as he remembers their fight yesterday. Raava continues.

- Apparently, you were yelling nonsense as well. Phrases such as: Shut up or stop it. Can you remember why you were asking Keith to do that?

- That was not directed at Keith. It was for the voices.

- The voices? - Raava inquired. - Can you explain?

Lance hesitated as he realized he said too much. The reason why he didn’t tell anyone about this was that he didn’t want anyone to think of him as a poor former Paladin that went coo-coo bananas. Plus, this could get him eliminated from the ranking.

- Well... I prefer not to. Can I leave?

- This will have no effect on the ranking if you’re worried about that. I’m also obligated to keep everything we talk about to myself, it’s part of your rights as my patient. No one will know if you don’t tell them yourself.

Ok, he can work with this.
- Alright, um… I’ve had them for a while. They tell me to kill myself, to hurt other people, and they insult me.
- Have you had these hallucinations continuously or are they triggered by something?
- I… every time I talk about Allura, or something bad happens to me, they talk. At first, there was only one voice, and it only said my name, but after a while, they ended up saying full sentences and being more and more. Yesterday I heard dozens of them. They were telling me to...- He stops talking, and he looks away ashamed. He can’t believe he almost killed Keith.

Raava seems to understand.

- It’s ok. You don’t have to say it. I already know.

Lance rests his head on the wall. This has gone too far.

- Do you allow me to examine you quickly? – Raava said, raising a tentacle.

He quickly covers his body with the bedsheet.

- Ummm, what are you going to do with that? - Don’t judge him, he’s seen enough hentai to be wary about alien tentacles.

Raava chuckled.

- My tentacles have the ability to sense chemical abnormalities. This will be a quick exam to make sure your body is working correctly. I will place my tentacle over your forehead for a few seconds, and that will be it. Try not to talk or move too much and breathe deeply.

Lance nodded, visibly more relaxed after the explanation. He sits on the edge of the bed and gets his bangs out of the way with his hand. He feels Raava’s wet tentacle over his forehead for a few seconds until she pulls it away and gives Lance a tissue to clean the residue on his forehead. Yuck.

- You are a very lucky man, Lance. – Raava says, opening a cabinet across the room and reaching for a jar of pills.

- How so? Is there something wrong? - Lance asks, taken aback.

Raava gives him the jar of pills while she asks.

- Where did you get those marks, Lance? You’re not Altean.

- Allura gave them to me before she… Allura gave them to me.

- Like I suspected. Lance, Allura didn’t just give you marks. She gave you part of her Altean quintessence. – Lance raises his eyebrows as a million questions take over his thoughts.

- What?- He manages to ask.

- You see, quintessence is very much like any other biological matter. Some bodies have some inside of them, but if you introduce someone else’s quintessence in a body that initially did not have it, it may provoke a reaction. I assumed she did not know that, but such a powerful quintessence like hers was too much for a human body, which is small and without the ability to handle quintessence on its own.

Raava takes a plastic glass and pours some water from a bottle nearby as she continues her explanation.

- Lance, your body has been trying to attack itself with antibodies to eliminate the unknown quintessence. The most affected area is your brain, more specifically your frontal lobe. Your human frontal lobe is a part of the brain that manages thinking, emotions, personality, and self-control. Have you noticed your personality change in the years after the war?

Lance is confused, to say the least.

- Maybe? My family told me that I was grumpier, and I had no energy to do anything. They said that it was like someone took happiness away from me.

- Well, it’s due to your condition, Lance. As well as the hallucinations. I still can’t explain how your body lasted this long or how you have no significant injuries in your brain. Most people in your position would have died already, but it looks like you came here just in time.

Lance’s breath hitched.

- Wow. Erm… That is a hard pill to swallow. I could have …died? Everything I’ve been feeling is not my fault? - He is mostly shocked at the new information right now, but a part of him feels relieved. It wasn’t completely his fault after all.

- Yes, you could have died if you didn’t catch it on time. And no, I suspect that not everything is due to the condition. Maybe your emotions were heightened, but they were still real. The things the voices said came from your darkest thoughts. Now, we have two options here: I can either immediately expel Allura’s quintessence from your body or you can take the chance and see if your body can get used to it thanks to these pills- Raava points at the bottle Lance holds with her tentacle. - It’s your choice.

They stay in silence for a second as Lance ponders the two options.

- Will keeping the quintessence have any risk?

- Of course. It can still cause damage to your brain if the pills don’t work. It’s highly unlikely, but it can happen.

The former paladin looks at the bottle, instructions full of Altean gibberish he can’t understand. On one hand, Lance could get her quintessence out of his body and end this very fast. His body and mind would be the same as they were before. He could finally put this behind him.

But…

He can’t. Allura gave Lance her quintessence for a reason. And even if he can’t understand why she would risk his life for this… he has to try. For her.

Lance’s determined gaze met Raava’s figure.

- I’m taking the pills.

***

After taking the pill and dressing up in his Marmoran armor, he thanks Raava and moves towards the door.

- Lance. - Raava’s metallic voice fills his ears. It’s weirdly soothing- As I mentioned before, I am also a trained psychiatrist. In your case, therapy would be highly beneficial to-

- I’m fine. - Lance interrupted her abruptly. - I don’t need therapy. All the therapists I’ve tried just say the same Buddhist crap and the last thing I need is one more person telling me to try mindfulness.

- As you wish. - Raava responded calmly, opening the door. - Have a good day.

- You too… Thank you for everything.

- It’s my job, no need to thank me. If you need me for anything, I’ll always be right here at the med bay. - He nods.

As Lance closes the door behind him, he takes his phone out of his pocket and put the pills in it instead. When he turned his phone on, he saw a few missed calls from his two sisters, his mom, and his brother Marco.

Oh, dear.

He also notices the hour: 12:53 am.

CHEESE AND CRACKERS. He missed today’s training.

After panicking a little bit, he decides to go to the Lieutenant's office to see if his sister was there waiting for him.

After getting lost 3 times and asking several people the way to the stairs, he finally makes it to the 12th floor. When he opens the door, he sees Keith and Veronica talking. As soon as Veronica sees him, she hugs him tightly.

- Lance! Thank God, I was so worried! – Veronica says, resting her face on Lance’s neck. Lance hugs her back tightly, and a few tears threaten to escape.

He sees Keith move from the corner of his eye.

- I’ll leave you two alone. – Keith says walking towards the door.

Lance grabs Keith’s forearm.

- Wait! – Keith’s indigo eyes grow big with surprise. – Stay.
I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday. It was the worse thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t think I can forgive myself for trying to… kill you. – Veronica’s head jerked back up, shocked- And thank you for taking me to the med bay.

Keith nods, maintaining his serious demeanor. Veronica stays silent, taking the information in.

Lance makes them both sit as he explains his situation. They both listen carefully, asking for a few details along the way. They both seem to relax as they finally understand Lance’s behavior.

- I’m sorry, so instead of prioritizing your life, you took the fucking PILLS? LANCE! - Veronica exclaimed angrily.

- I had to! -Lance explains. - Please, you need to understand. Allura gave this to me for a reason. I have to keep them.

Veronica sighed as Keith looked at Lance.

- I agree. - His answer surprised Lance. - Allura would not have done this for aesthetic purposes. She wouldn’t have risked Lance’s life for the sole purpose of him saving marks to remember her. They have to mean something.

Lance’s sister stayed quiet for a while, furrowing her eyebrows.

- Fine. I support your dumbass decision.

- I’m not gonna tell Mom that I had a choice, though. I don’t want her to lecture me across the space.

- You’re an idiot.

- I mean… we both know she would lecture you too for letting me do this.

Veronica shiverers, already imagining her mother’s chancla when she comes home.

- Fuck, I hate when you’re right. I guess my lips are sealed.

Lance smiles but soon remembers that today he missed training.

- Also, today I couldn’t attend training. How can I catch up with it?

Veronica tightens her lips.

- I’m afraid that we can’t help you with that since that would be cheating.

- How? - He complains- The other cadets can ask for classes as well!

- Veronica is right, Lance. - Keith jumps in. – It would be suspicious. Eventually, everyone is going to find out who you are, and if you want to stay safe you should lay low and act as if you don’t know us.

Lance frowns. He sure would like that, would he?

- Fine. - Lance spits out. - I’ll figure it out.

- You can ask Zethrid to train this afternoon though. She is surveilling the training room today, and it might help you and cheer her up at the same time. She misses fighting.

A mental image of his stick figure body being ripped in half by Zethrid makes him shiver.

- Uhhh, are you sure I can do that? I better not. It’s only my second day and I’m sooo rusty. Maybe it’s not a good idea-

- Oh, come on! Don’t be a pussy, Lance. She won’t hurt you. – Veronica says, laughing. - Maybe. - She mutters under her breath.

- What do you mean by “maybe”!!- Lance shrieks, flinching.
- I already told Zethrid to not hurt the cadets. Even if I had to insist three times, she respects the rules. She knows better than to disobey my orders. - Keith says, crossing his arms.

- I’ll think about it- Lance says, not completely convinced.

A noisy growl coming from his stomach reminds him that he still hasn’t eaten yet.

- Um, is the cafeteria still open?

Veronica cackles at Lance’s spontaneousness.

- Yes, come with me. Keith, I’ll tell you the rest of the mission later.

Keith nods.

- No problem, I’ll catch you later. For now, I need to finish these reports. - He points with his thumb back at the big pile of papers sitting on his desk.

Veronica makes a disgusted face.

- Good luck with that. Bye!

Keith chuckles with self-pity as he sits down at his desk.

- Bye guys, enjoy your meal.

- Thanks! - Veronica responds as she opens the door and Lance follows her.

Lance looks back at him for a second before the doors close. For some reason, he still feels angry at Keith, but he’s mainly angry at himself. What he said and did appear to have surpassed an unspeakable limit for Keith. He’s never felt so far away from him.

***

When they arrive at the cafeteria Veronica spots the generals on a table to the far right and rushes over waving his arm. Lance follows less enthusiastically.

- Hey girls! - Veronica exclaims.

They all greet her as they take bites from their food. The McClains sit down at the table as Acxa speaks.

- I was just telling Ezor and Zethrid what Keith and I saw on the other day’s mission.

- Ohh, tell me! Tell me while Lance and I take our food.

Acxa looks up and down at Lance for a second before accompanying Veronica. Axca sure does not trust him, Lance thinks as he follows them from behind. He’s far but close enough so he can eavesdrop on their conversation as he picks his food.

- As Keith and I got close to the cave we quickly realized that we had been ambushed. Turns out that the Galra clan had captured all the civilians and tried to pass out as them so they could attack us. We barely made it.

- Woah! How did you realize it? - Asked Veronica, worried.

- Keith did. First, we both noticed that the clothes the Galran clan was wearing were Falfolian capes, most commonly used by the inhabitants of that quadrant. Nonetheless, they were wearing them wrong, and some of them didn’t seem to properly fit them. We didn’t think much of it at first, because it was maybe due to being in a 10,000-year war. As we walked closer to the cave Kosmo suddenly started barking and quickly teleported us out of there. Apparently, the cave exploded and if Kosmo didn’t catch the propene smell that came from the explosives we would’ve perished.

Veronica frowned.
- They’re getting bolder. This doesn’t seem right.

Acxa agrees.

- After today’s mission it’s clear that they have a plan.

When they arrive at the table Lance sits beside Veronica and right in front of Zethrid, who examines him curiously.

- What is he doing here? Where’s Boss?

Veronica throws Lance an apologetic glance before responding to her teammate.

- He’s just here because he didn’t have time to eat before. Plus, he’s my little brother, and I have to take care of him. – As Veronica puts both her hands over her chest like a sacred nun, Lance rolls his eyes at his sister’s theatrics. - Keith had to finish some paperwork, so he’ll eat later. I hope.

Zethrid sighs.

- Boss is too skinny for skipping meals like that. Don’t tell him I said that.

Lance arches his eyebrows. Keith is anything but skinny, especially after he came from that space whale all grizzled. After that, he just kept on getting more ripped. At this rate, he will end up being the next Schwarzenegger. He’s annoyingly perfect even at that.

- Yeah, I’m definitely telling him. - Ezor said, laughing as her girlfriend gasps, scared. - I’m joking, babe! But to be fair, you’re right. He’s been eating less lately. I think it’s because he’s concentrating all his energy on bringing the clan down.

They all stayed in silence for a moment, probably thinking about the rebel clan.

- It is very strange. - Veronica says, finally. -Acxa told me what happened in Flalfor. I told her that I have the impression that they are getting bolder.

Ezor and Zethrid looked at each other worriedly before answering.

- Yeah, you’re not wrong. Today’s mission was… interesting to say the least- Ezor says. - We received a distress call from one of the planets nearby, and apparently, they had been attacked for a few days and trapped. One lucky commissary was able to escape and send us the signal. When we arrived though, the clan was already gone.

- Ohh, let me tell the rest! - Zethrid says enthusiastically. Ezor nods as she drinks a sip of water, and Zethrid continues the story. – When we arrived at the place The Clan was camping, we discovered that they left everything immediately, without packing anything up. We found some maps in one of the tents, and one of them was the New Intergalactic Coalition’s plan. They also had a photo of Keith and all his information in one file. Weight, family, everything. Keith said it was to chicken him out, but if it was me, it would definitely have worked.

Lance shivers at that.

- That is so creepy, and it is very concerning. - Veronica says as she tenses her shoulders. – It seems like they have an actual plan now. We need to be ten times more careful in the missions. We never know what could happen.

They all nod.

- We also need those new Lieutenants ASAP. Talking about that, how’s your training going, pointy chin? - Ezor asked.

Lance, busy peeling a weird alien fruit, quickly lifts his gaze toward the Lieutenant. He didn’t expect them to take an interest in his training.
- Erm… good, I guess? I mean, today I couldn’t go to this morning’s training because I was at the med bay.

- Ohh, such a shame. Keith has high hopes for you, and to be honest I have no idea why. - Ezor says, playing with her knife.

Lance clenched his jaw and looked away.

- I don’t know why either. – He confesses. – To be honest, I suck at martial arts, and it seems like you guys are experts on it. I didn’t even master it when I was in Voltron.

Ezor chuckled.

- That’s so true, except Keith and Allura you all sucked. What did you learn in that Garrison of yours?

- Obviously not to fight aliens that are two times our size, or that have weird-looking tails. – He said, looking directly at Ezor.

- Hey, my tail is not weird-looking! Have you taken a look at those ears of yours? THAT’S weird.

- My ears are not weird!

Veronica laughs.

- Okay, ladies, stop it. - Lance gives her a side eye- Lance wanted to ask Zethrid something, actually.

Oh, fuck. Lance widens his eyes in fear, slowly looking toward Zethrid. Her big yellow eyes looked right at his, as her ears perked up in curiosity. Damn his sister.

- Um… well… I was thinking that maybe since I missed today’s training you could help me out? Maybe? If you want. NO presh. - He says quickly.
Zethrid throws Lance a toothy grin, that Lance thinks looks a bit sadistic.

- Yeah, for sure. I will enjoy crushing you.

Lance squeaks.

- Babe, Boss told you not to crush the newbies. - Ezor reminded her partner.

Zethrid grumbles, irritated.

- Fine, I will not crush him.

- Thanks, I guess? - Says Lance, still worried about his fate.

- You’re welcome. Come on, let’s get on with it.

Lance looks at his half-full plate of food as Zethrid gets up.

- But I haven’t-

- Come on! I don’t have all day! - Shouts Zethrid, already walking away.

Lance wants to complain, but he doesn’t have time for it, so he quickly gets up from his chair and tries to catch up with her.

The half-Galra sure are grumpy. Now he knows where Keith gets it from.

***

Lance feels absolutely beat. Like, his body is falling to literal pieces. Well, maybe not literal, but you get his point.

He and Zethrid spent 4 hours training, and he’s certain that he was on the ground for a big chunk of it.

Lance gets out of the shower and wraps the black towel around his waist. He slides his right hand across the foggy mirror and takes a look at his reflection. His face is still full of pimples, and he looks tired, but the sorrow in his expression has faded. He still doesn’t feel like smiling and jumping around like a tampon commercial, but he guesses that this takes baby steps.

He caresses his right mark with his finger, and he feels the energy of it thrum steadily under his touch. He’s glad he can still feel Allura like this.

After washing his teeth and flopping himself down on the bed, he sighs as the lights of his room automatically dull down.

Even though he feels all bruised from Zethrid’s training, he feels content.

No voices. No painful memories. Just the soft pull of sleep luring him in.

Lance has no nightmares for the first time in two years.

Chapter Text

Friday arrives on a blink of an eye. Today’s his first big day. Lance stares at the big black screen on the training hall. Soon, some numbers will be glowing and brightly defining Lance’s future. Or at least, the trajectory of it. He feels his chest heavy with anxiety and has to pry his eyes away from the device. Will he be enough to be over the bar? He's been training so hard this week. He hopes all his efforts are not on vain.

After the morning training and lunch, he decides to go over to his room to talk to his family. He already spoke to Rachel and his brothers, but her mother was away at the church, and she forgot her phone, so, he couldn’t talk to her straight away. She’s definitely going to kill him.

He picks up his phone and dials the number of his mother, sitting down on his bed. Suddenly, his worried mother’s metallic voice resonates through the phone.

- Lance? Is that you?

- Yeah má, it’s me. Who else would it be? - He chuckles.

Her mother doesn’t laugh at his joke.

- What happened? - She asks.

He sighs, bringing one hand up to his neck, scratching it.

- Well, you know Allura’s marks? Yeah, she gave me her quintessence too.

- What? Espera, mijo explícame en español, por favor.
(Wait honey, explain it to me in Spanish, please.)

- Ok, vale. Erm… sabes lo que es la quintessence?
(Ok, sure. Erm… do you know what quintessence is?)

- No.

- Bueno, es como una especie de esencia mágica que tienen los Alteanos. Allura me dio la suya y bueno, como soy humano mi cuerpo no estaba acostumbrado a ello. Eso provocó que mi cerebro fuese un poco dañado, y de ahí vienen mis cambios de humor, y las voces.
(Well, it’s kinda like a magic essence Alteans have. Allura gave me hers, and since I’m human, my body wasn’t used to it. This caused a little of brain damage, which caused my mood swings and the voices.)

His mother gasps, and he can easily picture her covering her mouth with her hand as if she was sitting right in front of him.

- Dios, mío, mi bebé. ¿Estás bien? Verónica me dijo que te desmayaste y que atacaste a Keith. Tus hermanos me intentaron explicar, pero no entendí.
(Oh my god, my baby. Are you ok? Veronica told me that you fainted and that you attacked Keith. Your brothers tried to explain it to me, but it didn’t really understand it.)

- Sí, mamá, estoy bien. Sí que ataqué a Keith y me desmayé, pero desperté en la enfermería. La médico me dio unas pastillas para ayudar con la quintessence.
(Yes mom, I’m fine. I did attack Keith and faint, but I woke up at the med bay. The doctor gave me some pills to help with the quintessence.)

Rosa stays quiet for a second, white noise replacing the silence.

- ¿Qué hacen las pastillas? – She finally says.
(What do the pills do?)

- Bueno, como te dije ayudan con la quintessence.
(Well, as I said before, they help with the quintessence.)

- Ya, pero ¿cómo? ¿Van a quitártela de dentro?
(Yeah, but how? Are they going to take it out?)

- Erm… no.- He presses his lips, already anticipating his mother’s loud unsatisfaction.

- ¿QUÉ?! -Yup, there it is- ¿YOU MEAN THAT THING IS GOING TO BE INSIDE YOU FOREVER?! Lance, is that going to continue hurting you? Can’t they take it out?

- No, mom they can’t please stop asking five hundred things about it. I’m fine, maybe the pills fix it. - He says, exasperated.

- MAYBE??!! LANCE!

- MOM! I Told you it’s FINE! - He shouted, maybe a little bit more roughly than he intended to.

Rosa stayed silent.

- Mom, sorry, I-

- You had a choice, didn’t you? It was either the pills or taking it out.

- What? How did you… was it Veronica?

- I may be nice Lance, and sometimes a little naïve, but I’m not dumb. – Lance is shocked at her serious tone. She rarely gets like this. - So, you’re telling me that you had the option of getting that thing out of your system and you chose to keep it? For what?!

Lance sighs.

- Allura gave it to me. I-

- Yeah, there it is.

- Mom! Let me finish!

- NO! -Lance flinched, suddenly taken aback by her mother’s anger. - YOU listen to me, young boy. I am your MOTHER. And I am tired of hearing about that girl. I know she died and it wounded you deeply, but that’s enough. You will not risk your life for her. AGAIN.

Lance erupts.

- It’s my body and I can do whatever I want with it. Allura gave this to me for a reason!

- Or maybe not, Lance, please! Maybe she gave this to you so you could have a reminder from her. This is nonsense!

- Mom don’t talk about things you have no idea about. She would not have risked my life for it.

- Your LIFE?! This could have KILLED YOU?!

- Mom-

- NO! This is final, Lance. You’re taking that quintessence out.

- NO, I WON’T, MOM! - He stood up from his bed abruptly.

- Lance, this love you had for her is turning into an obsession. She would not have wanted this.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

- DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF? Why are you going to keep those, Lance? To see if you can bring her back. Well, son, she’s dead. She’s gone, you CAN’T bring someone back form the dead.

He felt his eyes moisten, and his throat burn. His mother hit the bullseye of the pain he’s been feeling for years.

- You know, I don’t expect you to understand. You NEVER understand ANYTHING, mom. Maybe if you didn’t spend all your life tilling some land you would get that this goes beyond simple fruits and vegetables. Why do I even bother explaining things to you if you CAN’T see the importance of saving the universe?

- If I WHAT? Did you just call your own mother STUPID? Are you seriously reducing your OWN family to just some farmers?

Lance realized his mistake too late.

- Wait, no, shit, mom I’m sorry. - He heard his mom sob. -I didn’t mean-

- NO! Lance. - Rosa says as her voice quivers. - I’ve done nothing but support you on this, but now I know that everyone else was right. You can do whatever you want with those pills, I’m done. I’m done with your attitude, your disrespect, and your paranoia. You don’t deserve the way people care about you, Lance. You’re going to end up alone. Maybe you already are. I know for a fact that you don’t have my support anymore.

- Wait, no, mom please-

- Goodbye, Lance.

Lance cried as he heard the repetitive beep of his phone indicating that the call was over.

He almost missed the voices. At least he didn’t cry alone when he had them.

***

Keith indicated them a few days ago that the first classification round would take place in the training hall 8, at 1400 hours.

When Lance arrives at 14:05 everyone turns around to face him. He’s thankful for the mask so no one can see how puffy his eyes are.

- Cadet, you’re late. - Keith reprimands him.

Lance doesn’t say anything. Keith looks over at Acxa for a second before resuming his speech.

- So, as I was saying, you will be graded by points. The scale will be kept between the Lieutenants and I so you can’t adapt your performance to what’s asked of you. As I said previously, it’s not about passing this test, but surviving. Each fight will be last 15 minutes, and each one of you will have 3 opponents. Remember to keep your body inside of the 10m2 red square, and do not try to kill anyone, please. Any questions?

A tiny blade rises their hand.

- Can we have a clock to see how much time is left?

Keith observes Axca as she responds.

- No, it’s better if you concentrate on your opponent. The key to physical fight is to keep an eye on your opponent at all times.

- Yes, Lieutenant, understood.

Keith glares at the cadets.

- Any more questions? No? Alright, everyone please take a number from this bowl. If your number is called out it means that it is your time to fight.

Lance lines up to take a number and privately folds it open to read it. He’s number 20.

- Okay, first number is number 4 – Axca notes the number down on her pad. - Please, come forward.

The big cadet takes a step forward. Yeah, the homicidal one. Gosh, the one that has to fight him is going to be toast-

- Number 20, please come forward.

Oh, shit. He’s going to be toast.

He takes a step forward.

- Cadets, get inside the red circle and wait for us to tell you when to begin.

They both do as they’re told and Lance panics quietly. Why is this happening to him? He could barely land a blow to a cadet that was as small as his nephew. He’s SO going to lose.

As he faces his opponent, he breathes deeply. Come on, he has to have faith in himself. Keith said that it was not about the size, but about how you use your body. Heh. Okay, back to the topic, it doesn’t matter if the guy is 8 feet tall, he can do this.

He will do this.

- 3, 2, 1… the battle begins! -Axca exclaims.

Quick a flash, the big cadet races towards him, already preparing his fist to his face. Lance shrieks and rolls on the ground, avoiding the punch-. Thankfully, he did it quickly enough for his opponent to stumble forward and almost lose his balance. Lance smiles, maybe he does have a shot at this.

The cadet growls, quickly sprinting towards Lance again. Lance blocks his punch with his forearm, and BOY did that hurt like a motherfucker. He quickly saw an opening on the cadet’s stance, and thew his punch toward the cadet’s face.

It hits his opponent right on his cheek. The cadet slowly turns his face to meet his and deactivates his mask. To Lance’s horror, he is openly smiling, and the yellow of his teeth contrasts with the red of the blood that stains them.

He suddenly grabbed Lance’ s foot and threw him across the red carpet. His body hits the floor with a force that sends an excruciating pain across his back and head.

Lance brings his hand toward his thigh and spreads his fingers, anticipating the bayard’s structure against his palm. He quickly realized that he wasn’t a paladin anymore, so that didn’t work.

- Cadet, stop! - Keith shouts behind Lance.

As he closes his eyes, he feels his opponent’s foot kick his head and his world goes black.

***

He wakes up on his room. He’s still dressed in his marmoran attire. When he tries to raise his head, he feels it pound strongly, and his back hurts.

- Wait, Lance.

He feels someone bring his pillow higher up. When his eyes get used to the light, he sees Keith and Veronica look at him concerned. Acxa is right next to Veronica with her hand resting on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

- Lance, are you okay? – Veronica says.

- Yeah, I’m okay. What happened? - His memory feels a bit fuzzy.

His teammates look at each other for a second before Keith explains.

- The cadet you were fighting against was a bit rough on you. He gave you a concussion, and your back may feel a bit sore.
- Wait, what time is it? Did I miss the evaluation?

- Yes, Lance. You did. You are ranked the lowest. I’m sorry. - Keith says, looking down.

This can’t be. He trained so hard, for what? His heart feels heavy.

- Oh. - That’s all he manages to say.

Veronica shakes her head and sighs.

- I’m out of here.

Lance brings his hand forward, urging his sister to stay.

- Please, Vero, don’t leave.

- Mom called me, Lance. She told me everything you did. I can’t believe you said that. I’m not helping you anymore either, so you can hurt me like you did to her. I’m sorry.

Veronica and Acxa get out of the room, leaving Lance alone with Keith.

Keith stays silent for a while, and Lance doesn’t dare speak neither.

- Get the upper part of your suit down, I’m going to apply something that will alleviate your pain.

Lance does as he’s told. Keith shows him the cream.

- This is a special cream that speeds up the recovery. You may taste sweet and feel tingly for a while.

Lance nods as he watches Keith take his gloves off with his mouth. He sees Keith position himself behind him and tries to give him more access to his back. He feels Keith’s fingers dance around the bruised skin. He eventually realizes that he likes the massage. Keith’s touch feels grounding, and at the same time it gives him goosebumps all around, for some reason.

- There you go.-Keith says, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

- Thanks, man. – Lance responds.

Keith doesn’t say anything, and he avoids eye contact as he puts his gloves back on.

- Keith, are you angry at me too? - Lance asks.

Keith raises his gaze to meet Lance’s. His expression is severe.

- Yes, I am. What you said and did really hurt me.

Lance looked away, ashamed.

- I’m sorry-

- A sorry isn’t going to cut it, Lance. - Keith interrupts him impatiently. - You have no idea how lucky you are to have people like us around you. Some people don’t get this, Lance, and yet you act as if we owed you something. Your family is right, Lance. You’re going to end up alone if you continue like this.

- Why do you care, Keith?!

- This is what I’m talking about, Lance! – Keith stood up, revuelto. - You treat people that care about you like absolute shit. And I hope it bites you in the ass, because I sure as hell I’m not helping you anymore than I already have! I’m sorry, Lance.

- I didn’t tell you to anything! I didn’t ask any of you to do this!

- We do it because we care about you, Lance. Even if you don’t seem to believe it.

- You didn’t talk to me in months, Keith! You ignored all my calls and messages when I needed you the most. And now you act like you care?

- You know, Lance, people are busy. Do you have any idea of how much I’ve wanted to see you? To talk to you? But I fucking couldn’t because of the job I chose?

- Yeah, sure, act like you’re the victim here. You said it yourself, YOU chose it.

- And YOU chose to become a lame ass farmer when you’re NOT made to be one. You could’ve come with me, like I asked.

- Sorry for not following on your footsteps, like I’ve done ALL MY FUCKING LIFE, and for wanting to carve my own DAMN path.

- Yeah, in a farm, sure. Look, if you need people talking to you 24/7 to determine if you’re still friends then maybe we aren’t made to be friends after all, Lance.

- Maybe if you can’t take 2 seconds to respond to someone to let them know you care about them maybe we aren’t, yeah.

- Fine! - Keith shouts.

- Fine! - Lance does as well.

Keith opens the door to storm out but stops before doing so.

- Don’t expect anything form me for now on.

- I don’t. - Lance grits his teeth.

When Keith leaves Lance is left alone.
Keith has left, Veronica has left, his mom has left, the rest of his family has left, and his friends have left.

Lance quickly realizes that he… is alone.

“Allura has left.”

The voice surprises him.

Oh, no…

“They were right, Lance” “You did it” “Kill yourself.”

He feels the scaringly familiar glow of his cheeks and his eyes start forming tears. No, no, NNO, NO! He was BETTER! It was GONE!

“This is your fault, Lanceeeee” The voices sing.

They are all right. Lance is being a horrible person right now, and he only realizes it when it’s too late.

His tears start burning his cheeks.

Suddenly, he remembers Raava telling him that she would be on the med bay. He starts feeling dizzy, that’s not a good sign.

He quickly gets out of his room and stumbles across the hall.

When he arrives to the med bay, he bangs on the door hurriedly. Raava opens the door, and asks.

- Lance? What’s wrong?

- Help, me please! I’m- it’s back. - He starts sobbing
Raava brings him inside and makes him sit and breathe deeply.

- Lance, breathe. This happens because you have to learn to regulate your emotions. The power is linked to them.
- I hear so many voices, I can’t- Raava, please-

- BREATHE.

He hugs her floating body as he starts sobbing and talking at the same time.

- I didn’t want to push anyone away!! I love everyone so much. I don’t want them to worry. I just wanted them to stop being sad for me, and to keep on with their lives because I don’t want anyone to care. I am such a failure; I can’t even maintain my loved ones close. All the other paladins carried on and turned out to be wonderful people. I- I’m selfish, and I didn’t deserve all the care I got. I… I should have been the one who died instead of her. She would have seen so many things, be loved by so many more people, and I couldn’t save her. I can’t save anyone I love. I couldn’t even tell my family I left, I let them suffer for years. I can’t risk keeping them close to me if I can’t save them if I’m going to hurt them. Maybe I’m better off alone because I don’t want this. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t wa- want this.

Raava doesn’t say anything. She just wraps her tentacles around him and lets him cry.

This is the first time he does this in five years. He never allowed himself to cry before, not like this. He cries about his life as a paladin, and the life he never got as a teenager. He cries about his family, and his grandparents that died before knowing he was ok. He cries at his home being destroyed. He cries at the memories of people he’s killed, and the ones he couldn’t save. He cries at the life Allura didn’t get to have. He cries for allowing himself to push everyone away.

He's never cried this much, this strongly before.

He cries because he misses who he was before. Because he looks at his reflection on the mirror, and doesn’t recognize the face he sees.

Chapter Text

Today is the very first day of the second week. He looks at the screen and looks at his number at the bottom of the list. He sighs, feeling a little insecure.

He remembers yesterday’s incident with Raava and the aftermath. He can’t believe what he’s gotten himself into.

+++

Once he finished crying, Raava took his head with her tentacles and made him look straight at him.

- Lance. - She said, as Lance slowly realized that he was covered in her mucus. He tried not to grimace at that. - I’m going to schedule a therapy session with you Monday afternoon, at 1500 hours. I think we can both agree that you need it.

Lance sniffled and nodded with a pout.

- Ok, but if I see that it doesn’t work, I won’t force myself to come. I don’t want to do shitty affirmations with incense, I’m sick of that.

Raava chuckled.

- Don’t worry about that, I have other methods. You’ll see. I think you will like them.

- What are they? - His curiosity peeked. Raava certainly knows how to get him hooked.

- It’s a surprise. Don’t worry, it doesn’t include my tentacles. - Raava said, as Lance hears an amused tone in her voice.

+++

He doesn’t know if he likes her or if he’s mildly scared of her. Probably both.

He brushes the memory out of his mind as he hears Keith and Io enter the training hall.

Cadets, on formation.

Lance and the other cadets formed a straight line in front of the Blades, saluting them properly.

Today is the very first day of the second week. - Keith’s voice reverberates around the hall as solemn and firm as always. - First and foremost, I want to congratulate you for finishing the first week, and not quitting. Nonetheless, this is the very first step of many more, and it takes courage and discipline to keep up. - Keith takes his blade out and awakens it. - Today we’re going to teach you the basics of sword training, and shooting.

Lance smiles. He probably won’t need any pointers for the latter.

The group is divided into two crowds: the ones that want to practice swords go with Keith, and the ones that rather stick up to guns go with Io.

Lance didn’t really feel like going to Keith’s group, but he figures that his pride doesn’t take him anywhere. If he wants a shot at this, he has to learn how to master blades from the best swordsman he knows: Keith. Gosh, he really doesn’t like saying that.

- Come with me the ones with the blades. -Keith notices Lance in the crowd and for a tick he seems shocked about it, but his expression quickly morphs into a serious one.

- Today you will learn the basics of sword training. In order to master this weapon and be able to defend yourself, you need to know how to handle a sword first.

He takes his sword and points it toward the ground.

- All of you, take the sword with your dominant arm. The sword should feel like the extension of your arm. Now imagine a line extending from your fingertips all the way up to the hilt of your sword. That imaginary line should be as straight as possible. Do you feel it is stable?

The cadets nod, and he himself feels as if his arm could reach the stars.

- Now take your non-dominant hand and place it on top of your other hand. Place the back of your left hand against your right wrist, like so. The next thing you must learn is how to position your feet. If you want to attack and defend at the same time, your feet have to be shoulder-width apart. If the stance is too wide, you might lose your balance. If they’re too close, your attacks will lack force.

Keith does a few moves to show how he maintains the position he previously said. Lance feels like he’s showing off a bit.

- To land a hit, you need both space and leverage. Space is mandatory to be able to move your sword around, so try to distance yourself from your opponent. You must also learn how to move your body to use your weight and momentum for your attacks.

He suddenly does a pirouette and slashes the air thin, until the hilt of his sword is behind him, and smiles. Keith’s DEFINITELY showing off now.

- Now, the basic technique of sword fighting is feinting. Let me explain: you want to draw your opponent’s attention to the area you want them to focus on. Next, when their attention is already on there, you quickly move your sword to another area. Then, when he moves to that new area to block your attack, you reverse direction and attack from the other side. You want to confuse them as much as possible with your movements while maintaining control of your weapon.

Keith asks if anyone wants to try and beat him, and cadet number 6 tries. Code word: TRIES. After Keith has shown him to hold the sword and move it, while also urging the others to do the same movements, he gets ready for the match. The cadet is on the floor in the blink of an eye.

- Anyone else? Come, on try. You won’t improve without it.

A series of people form a line to fight with Keith. One slash here, one flying kick there, and they all end up on the ground. Lance watches Keith intently. He already knows how Keith fights like the back of his hand, but he also wants to try and beat him. Keith may not be his friend anymore, but Lance wants to show him that he has a shot at this. That he’s not worthless.

- Next cadet?

Lance raises his hand. Keith glares at Lance.

- Come here.

Lance may not have a lot of experience, but he has observed that Keith has a weak spot on his left leg. And he’s going to exploit that, even if he gets his own ass handed to him.

Keith positions himself, and so does Lance. Keith swings forward, and Lance blocks his sword. Keith is about to back his blade to land another hit when Lance hits Keith on his left leg with his foot.

Keith lets a pained moan out and almost falls to the ground. He quickly retreats a little, limping slightly. Bingo. Lance looks at Keith and he sees Keith’s characteristically angry frown and his deep purple glimmer with revenge. It almost makes Lance‘s heart ache with nostalgia.

As he predicted, he quickly ends up on the ground. Very harshly. Keith, the bastard, performs a joint lock on Lance as he speaks, leaving Lance in pain, whining.

- Shut it, cadet. – That ASSHOLE. - Now, you’ve seen this cadet has taken information by watching all of you fight against me, and he finally found my weak spot. THIS is the kind of behavior you should have if you ever find yourself in a sword fight. Observe, and find clues to lead you to victory. Of course, I’m much more experienced than this cadet, so he didn’t stand a chance. – Fuck you, Keith. - But he is definitely on the right track. Now, choose a partner and practice with them.

Keith finally lets Lance get away from his grasp, and he falls to the floor face down.

Lance angrily looks up at Keith, and he sees one of the corners of his mouth twitching, fighting off a smirk. That asshole.

He tries to ignore the way he wants to smile too.

***

After training with his opponents, Lance tries to go towards the cafeteria to eat something before therapy but gets lost, as usual. He normally has very good spatial awareness, but this base is so enormous and has so many different paths, that making a mental map of the place is nearly impossible for him.

As he takes a turn into a particularly dark corridor, he hears footsteps behind him. When he turns around, there is no sign of anyone following him.

Hmm, strange.

He continues walking, and the footsteps resume.

He feels his marks glow and his pulse quickens.

- Who’s in there? - He shouts. He looks around, but no one answers. He’s getting the heebie-jeebies.

When he turns around, he sees a face staring at him one inch away from his face.

He shrieks and tries to back up, but he trips over something and falls to the floor. He sees that the figure that scared him was a blade hanging from a pipe on the ceiling.

- Hello cadet. - Says a figure behind him.

Soon enough, three blades are surrounding him.

- Who are you? What do you want? - Lance exclaims, now extremely agitated.

The three blades deactivate their masks and he soon sees the big cadet’s face. The one that beat him up in front of anyone and made him last place. He suddenly feels angrier rather than scared.

- Hello, Paladin Lance.

Lance gasps and tries to quickly deny it. This is not good.

- I- I have no idea who you’re talking about. - He quickly realizes he’s an idiot. EVERYONE knows who the blue paladin is. He can lie to his parents about what he was going at the Garrison when he hung out with his friends, but when he really needs to lie, he sucks at it.

Suddenly, a strong kick to his wrist makes him shout out in pain. He feels his mask deactivate, leaving his opportunity to escape and keep hiding his identity impossible.

- There you are. - Big Cadet says. – I told you guys that the system was rigged. I knew who he was as soon as he tried to activate his bayard on the fight the other day. What, got tired of the farm and now you try to steal our places?

Lance speaks through the pain. The armor protected his wrist enough to not break any bones, but still. It was like getting stomped by Bigfoot.

- I am not stealing anyone’s places. I’m competing against you guys like a normal applicant.

- You know the boss. I’m sure he will get you in even if you fail miserably.

- That’s not-!

- Is there a problem, cadets? - Io’s voice reverberates across the hallway, and Lance feels incredibly alleviated.

They all run off to the opposite end of the highway, as Io walks towards Lance.

- Are you okay? – Io says, kneeling to help Lance get up.

- I’m alright. They know who I am.- Lance admits.

- Yeah, seems like it.

- Do you think the other cadets will find out?

- I’m afraid so… - Io mutters, scratching his neck. - But don’t worry, we’ll keep you safe. It would be a shame for you not to have the same chance as them.

Lance stays silent for a moment.

- Come on, come eat with me. - Io proposes eventually, sighing.

- Doesn’t that make it even more obvious? Besides, hasn’t Keith forbidden you from talking to me?

Io laughs.
- Keith may be our leader, but he can’t tell me who to talk to. And no, the rumor is going to spread anyway, so why hide it?

Lance figures Io is right.

As they eat, they chat about Voltron, and Io asks questions about what he used to do as a paladin. Lance notices Io’s enthusiasm, jokes, and chattiness remind him of who he used to be before the war. It’s not quite the same, but it’s weirdly comforting. Grounding.

- Why didn’t you come to the shooting group this morning? - Io asks, mouth full of a weird kind of green spaghetti.

- I mean, I already know a lot about shooting, but I never properly learned how to fight with a sword. I’ve had some pointers from people… but yeah. I better learn the good way.

- Hm, that makes sense. Hey, if you ever want to train shooting together, it would be nice. No one here really knows how to shoot. Not even Keith.

Lance laughs.

- Keith’s a horrible shooter. The guy could be pointing forward and somehow end up shooting himself.

- He… he kind of is. – Io says, amused. – He’s gotten better, but still. It would be nice to have the best at shooting train with me.

Lance is baffled.

- I’m nowhere near the best at that. I mean, I can aim fine, but-

- Are you joking? Lance, you inspired me to become so good with the rifle. Everyone talked about the perfect aim of the universe’s sharpest shooter.

- The Sharpshooter, huh? – Lance smiles. He had no idea people admired him like that. – I suppose it could be fun to train with you if you continue saying things like that. - he jokes

Io laughs.

- I miss the challenge, and I want to see if I win against the one and only Blue Paladin.

Lance lifts his left eyebrow and smirks.

- You can try.

Io and Lance spend an hour talking. Lance decides that it feels refreshing.

- Hey listen, I would love to beat you right now- Io laughs- But I have to deal with something for a few hours. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. Can you take me to the med bay, by the way?

Io nods.

- Sure, no problem. I will be at the training hall 6 if you have time today. No pressure though.

They walk towards the med bay, still chatting. Lance looks down, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

- Io… do you seriously not care about Keith possibly not liking us hanging out?

Io shrugs his shoulders.

- I know you guys aren’t on good terms, but that’s not really my issue. Keith can’t involve me in this. Besides, it’s not like you’ve done something horrible.

Lance stops in his tracks.

- I… I have, actually. I said some things that I shouldn’t have. I pushed everyone away in a horrible and selfish way and I only realize it now.

- Like I said, nothing horrible and not my problem. – Lance looks at Io, who’s staring back with a big smile.

- You shouldn’t be around me, Io. I’m not in a good place right now. I can hurt you. - Lance starts walking away.

- Lance! – Io grabs Lance’s arm. – I have been in your place. I have felt like I should be alone because of all the bad things I’ve done. That’s only your own mind shifting your perception. Besides, if sassy comments are the only thing you hurt people with, I can shut you up real quick. - Io punches Lance on the arm harshly.

- You’re going to regret this, man. Everyone did.

- Well then, I’ll be damned. At least I can say I knew you. - Io throws Lance a toothy grin.

Lance gulps, feeling like he’s going to cry. Come on, he can’t cry in front of his admirer.

- Thank you, io. It means a lot.

- No prob, man. As you humans say, catch you later.

They both wave at each other, and Lance feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

Maybe things can get better after all.

Chapter Text

As he sits down at Raava’s office, he feels fidgety. He has been to many therapy sessions before, but this time feels different. This time he secretly expects it to work.
Raava enters the room and greets him.

- Hello, Lance! I’m not going to lie to you, I was half expecting you to ditch me.

Lance chuckles, feeling more at ease after the seriousness of the situation dissipates.

- I’m not going to lie to you either, I thought about it too, but since you were so secretive about your methods, I had to see them for myself.

- Yes, so I’m going to explain how they work. My chemical abilities have the ability to trigger memories and make you live them as if you were in the moment. It will be like traveling to the past, without the implications of altering the future, of course. You can hear my voice while you’re on the memory. I’m not going to use them all the time, though. This therapy will be mainly based on discussion.

Lance suddenly remembers a little detail: ever since yesterday, he has no money. Neither his family nor Keith can help him.

- Ummm, listen Raava. I need to know how much these sessions are going to cost.

- SessionS, huh? Expecting it to work?

Lance nods bashfully, she’s more observant than he thought.

- Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s free.

- What? How?

- Lance, you and the other paladins saved the universe. Thanks to you I am alive, my family is alive. Consider this my thank-you gift.

Lance is taken aback at that. No one has ever shown him such gratitude after the war. He blushes a little bit, and he feels his marks glow faintly.

- That’s… very nice of you. Thank you. Though, I would like to know the price.

- Why?

Lance sighs.

- I… look, thank you for your gift, but I really didn’t do much. I don’t deserve this gift. I will pay you back once I can.

- Why do you think that Lance?

- Because the reason why we ended up saving the whole universe was just mere luck. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

- Would you say that about Hunk, for example? That he doesn’t deserve all the praise because this was all just mere luck?

- I… No, I wouldn’t. But he worked way harder than me!

- How?

- He- He trained a lot.

- More than you did?

- No, I mean… He didn’t, but he had like a thing, you know. He’s an amazing cook and he’s the one that keeps the team together. Everyone had a thing that they could use against the war. Pidge was incredible with tech, Coran managed the castle and kept us protected, Shiro was the calming leader, and Keith was the fighter and the best pilot of our generation. I didn’t really have a thing.

- What about shooting?

- Shooting? Killing? Is that supposed to be my thing?

- What do you want “your thing” to be?

- I want to help people. I want to be remembered. I want to have fun while doing it.

- Hmm… I see. Why did you move with your parents back to the farm, Lance?

- I wanted to be with them. You see, I’m from Cuba, which is a different part of Earth than the Garrison. - He explains- Our culture considers family to be the most important thing. I didn’t even have time to tell my family when I left Earth to participate in this war. I just left them thinking I was dead for years. My grandparents died without knowing I was ok. – Lance doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the wetness on his cheek.

- Do you feel guilty about it? – Raava asks.

- Every day. I hurt them so much. – Lance admits.

- Why do you think it’s your fault, Lance?

- Because I should have told them. It’s what family does. – He thinks about his family’s desperation when they saw him for the first time, and it breaks their heart.

- Why didn’t you?

- Because I didn’t have my phone with me. Everything happened so fast. I should have thought of it, but I was so excited about what we were doing that I just… forgot about them.

- If I understood well, you didn’t tell your family because you were caught up in the moment. Everything happened very fast, and you didn’t have time.

- Yes, exactly. I was so happy about having a real adventure that I forgot about the one thing that truly matters.

- How old were you, Lance? Human life expectancy is around 90 years if I’m not mistaken, am I wrong?

- Yeah, around 19. And I was 16 years old. – This is the first time that he’s voiced this out loud. It feels… young. Too young.

- Would you blame your friends for not telling their families?

- Not at all. As I said, it all happened really fast.

- So why do you blame yourself? Why do you attack yourself so much, Lance?

- I… I don’t know. – He stays silent for a moment, letting Raava’s question sink in. He never noticed how toxic he was to himself. - I was very confident before.

- Were you? How so?

- I was just cocky, I think. Way too confident. I thought I was the shit when in reality I’m just… a boy from Cuba.

- Why is it wrong to be cocky?

- Because it’s not realistic. It only gets me so far to think I’m the best at something. Eventually, I’m proved wrong.

- How so?

- Well, when I was little, I was never really bright in school. I… I am dyslexic, so it was really hard for me to read and become like the other kids. I still didn’t give up, and sometimes even fantasized about reading perfectly like the cultured people do, like a dumbass. Eventually, I did get to read well, but not perfectly like a normal person would. It takes me a little more time. My family isn’t really cultured, you know. My father can’t even read- He chuckles nervously as he starts to notice how much he’s oversharing. - We only moved to the States because my sister Veronica got a scholarship. She’s the smart one of the family, so she got into the Garrison really easily, in the first year that she applied.

- Do you need special marks to get into the Garrison?

- Yes, you need to be at the top of your class or have any kind of special ability. It’s very difficult to get in, especially if you’re not white. They say that everyone has the same opportunities, but not really. Though, I eventually managed to get into the Garrison after 3 tries.

- How?

- That’s what I was getting into. I learned it all by memory. Everything. I did not understand a single word of what I read, but I studied hours and hours until I got it. That much time studying doesn’t get you so many friends… so I was bullied a lot. When I got into the Garrison, I promised myself to never be uncool again. I wanted to have a chance at being liked by everyone like the popular kids at my school did.

- Why is that not a noble way of getting into the Garrison?

- Because it feels like they let me in because they pitied me. No one else I know got in after 3 tries. Two maybe, but three just… yeah. I didn’t understand stuff like other people did, it feels like I cheated because everyone can learn everything by memory. Everyone around me was so much smarter than me, and it showed.

- Don’t they have criteria to be met to enter that place if it’s so difficult?

- Yeah… they do.

- And you met those criteria?

- Yes, I-Oh. Yes, I suppose I did.

- So…- Raava elongated the word, expecting Lance to continue the phrase.

- So, in that way, I deserve my spot like everyone else? Somehow that feels wrong to say.

- It feels wrong because you’ve been undermining yourself all your life, Lance. Why did you want to be like the popular kids?

- Because people admired them. I wanted to be admired and loved as much as they were.

- And were you?

- Not really… I never got to be one of the popular kids. No matter how many classes I ditched, or how many girls wanted to be with me, they always treated me like an outsider. My only real friend was Hunk. The rest of them only hung out with me because I was the class clown. Maybe they just laughed at me.

- Teenagers can be cruel at times. -Lance nods.- What made you want to go to Garrison, Lance?

- I wanted to fly. I’ve always wanted to be a fighter pilot ever since I read about all the missions they did. I memorized them all. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. It fascinates me how someone can touch the stars. Explore the universe, and fight for freedom. The feeling you get when you fly is like… I’ve never felt so free. - Lance feels his marks tingle.

Raava chuckled.

- That’s very funny. Keith says the same thing.

- Yeah, he wanted to be a fighter pilot too. Wait- how do you know that?

Raava sighs.

- I can’t tell you much, but you’re not the only one dealing with the past.

- Oh my god, I can’t believe this. Of COURSE, I get with his therapist. - Lance becomes irritated.

- Why does that trouble you? - Raava asks, curious.

- Because I’ve been in that guy’s shadow ever since we met! He’s always better than me in every way. For instance, if he didn’t drop out, I wouldn’t have had the spot for being a fighter pilot. Then, I just HAD to follow the guy and eventually end up in a space war. And, get this, Keith had to change lions. Guess who had his old lion? ME! And guess who’s here working for an organization Keith created? ME!!!

- It seems like you’re jealous.

- I- It’s just… Why can’t I be better for once? Why do I get to be depressed and a horrible person and he can be the hot half-alien selfless leader that saves children and planets? It’s as if everything I want, he has.

- You must know Keith does not see what you see. It is all a matter of perception.

- Yeah, sure!!- He exclaims, not convinced at all. - That guy has never had insecurities in his life, he’s too simple-minded for that, and besides, what would he complain about? - Lance deepens his voice, imitating Keith and gesturing wildly. - “Oh my hair is too lustrous, and my eyes are too beautiful. I’m so sad that my actions are helping the entire universe, I just hate how Mahatma Gandhi and I are so alike.”. -Raava chuckles again. – Why can’t I be a little bit more… careless like he is? Maybe that’s why he’s gotten so far because he doesn’t get caught up in stupid, childish insecurities like I do.

- Have you ever felt confident, Lance?

- Yeah, I’ve felt cocky enough to think that I was the best pilot in the universe.

- What made you think that?

- Honestly, I have no idea. I’m not near being the best at anything.

- Why not?

- Because there’s always someone better than me.

- Was Allura aware of this?

Lance gasped. Dangerous territory. Why does she even bring her up? He decides to respond anyway.

- Not to this extent. I mean, she did know I could be panicky, but I never wanted her to know I was insecure like this. She would have definitely broken up with me. – Lance chuckles. He doesn’t know why, but it feels better if he makes jokes.

- Why?

- Because it was not her type, you know? She liked guys that had their shit together. Kind of like Lotor, if you take the paranoia and genocide out, I guess.

Raava laughs.

- Yes, I get what you mean. He was a prince, a skilled fighter, and of royal descent. Did Allura ever get express interest in him?

- Erm… well, yes. They had a thing, but it ended right after she knew what he had done. And well, after he died. After that, Allura and I spent some time together. We became very close, and suddenly she liked me back. It was amazing, I feel like I’ve never felt more confident than when Allura kissed me. It felt like a dream come true.

- A dream… Lance. Did you ever consider Allura used you as a rebound?

OUCH. GOD. CHILL. Lance stayed silent. He never thought about it that way. I mean, Pidge kind of implied it, but he just assumed she was joking.

- I… no. Allura would have never done that. But… thinking about it I suppose I treated her kind of like a trophy instead of… well, a person. When she got with me it implicitly meant that I was worthy of HER love. An intelligent, brave, beautiful princess loved ME. She chose me.

- Did she tell you she loved you? Kiss you first? Take you on dates?

- No, I mean. She felt overwhelmed. She was very busy. She told me she loved me… but only once. Before she died.

- But she spent time with Lotor. - Gosh she’s relentless, Lance thinks.

- Yeah, they were always together. It was annoying.

- So, what I’m getting is that she had time for Lotor but not for you. – Lance stayed silent. - Did you ever feel like your efforts were not being matched?

- I mean, I can be too much. But yeah, I guess. But Allura would have never voluntarily done that. I mean, she did need someone at that moment, and that someone was me because I promised her to be her family… - He sheds a few tears at the memory. – I- I promised her to keep her safe and I couldn’t…

- Lance, focus on the question I’m going to ask you and answer truthfully. Did you ever feel as loved as you made Allura feel?

He thinks about it for a while. He looks back at all of the moments with her. When he tried to kiss her, make her feel loved, listen to her problems, and tell her how much she meant to him. When he tries to remember Allura’s romantic gestures… he has no memories of them. Slowly but surely, Lance arrives at the conclusion that he’s been avoiding all these years. It hits him like a brick.

Allura never loved him.

- I DIDN’T! - Lance started full-on sobbing, again. After calming down, he continued. -I didn’t. Fuck… I really was just a rebound, was I?

Lance feels betrayed. He feels angry at her, and at himself for being so naïve. How could he have been such a fool thinking someone like her could ever love him?
- You weren’t just a rebound, Lance. She DID love you, just not the way you loved her. You gave her the peace she needed. You made the woman you loved truly enjoy her life in her last moments, and that’s something no one can ever take away from you. Maybe that’s your thing. Loving people.

- How can it be my thing when I hurt so many around me? - He says, cleaning his tears with the back of his hand.

- Because our best side can be also our worse, like a coin. Think of Keith: He’s so serious, so diligent, and pushes himself so hard that he ends up doing the impossible. Though, you know him. You know how in the end that breaks him.

Lance does know Keith. He almost killed himself in Naxela just for a mission. The guy takes everything way too seriously.

- Lance, you have very good qualities. - Raava insists- You know what I see? I see a selfless boy, that would do anything for his friends and family. I see ambition, not cockiness. I see strategic thinking and preciseness, not “killing”, as you say. I see fun, and not annoying. I see you, Lance. You’re not gone. You’re right here.

Raava touches his head with her tentacle and suddenly his world goes black.

When he opens his eyes, he is flying on the blue lion, and he quickly feels the so familiar adrenaline pumping through his veins. He sees stars all around him, and nebulas swirl in beautiful explosions of colors. He sees the other lions in front of them, and he looks at his video screen as he takes his helmet out. He sees his face: no marks, disheveled hair, and blue eyes shining. He sees that cocky smile and those expressive eyebrows.

He sees himself.

The world goes black again and suddenly he’s in the med bay again.

- WOAH! That was AMAZING! - Lance says, excited.

- You see, Lance. THIS. This excitement you have for life, this is you. You’re loud, and cocky, and childish. So what? Allow yourself to say you’re the best, because I assure you, if you think it, it’s because you have the potential for it. Don’t ignore your ambition, chase it, embrace it. Let them all see this fire you have. Let it burn.

***

After crying for what feels like forever, Lance leaves the med bay. He has never felt this good in forever. He was tired and he cried like a baby with stomach problems, sure, but for the first time in a while, he feels excited about what’s to come. He feels like this session has made more progress than what he has done in years. He feels more at ease.

Of course, he doesn’t feel immediately cured. He’s still insecure as fuck, and he knows that this recovery will be full of ups and downs. He knows that his family and friends have lost hope, but… he has himself. Even if right now it doesn’t feel like enough. He’s right here.

He eventually decides to go to the training hall to meet Io.

As he gets closer, he hears gunshots. He eventually sees Io surrounded by 6 drones, all shooting at him. The Lieutenant tries to shoot at them, but he misses most of the shots. Lance decides to help him out.

He takes a riffle and breathes deeply. In 6 clean shots, he gets all of the drones to the ground.

Still got it, bitch.

- Lance! You came! - Said Io, smiling.

Lance smirks.

- That’s what she said!

Chapter Text

Keith wakes up with Kosmo’s drool covering his face. He abruptly tries to wake up and Kosmo, instead of getting the memo and waking up or like stop drooling, he just stays there. On top of Keith. Snoring like a middle-aged man.

Keith sighs but he can’t prevent his smile from tugging at his lips. He knows Kosmo’s more than spoiled, but well… how can he say no to his furry baby? (Please ignore that Keith calls Kosmo his baby).

Kosmo’s been an amazing companion these past years. Whenever Keith felt lonely, Kosmo was there to comfort him and hug him. He was like Keith’s personal plushie, and Keith loved it. Normally people think that since Keith is so foreboding and serious all the time that he will kill anyone that tries to cuddle with him, but it’s quite the opposite, actually. He loves cuddling, it’s just… his life made him used to having no contact at all. After all, that would imply trusting someone.

He eventually wakes up when Kosmo farts and the foul smell pushes him out of bed.

Today is the final day of the second week. As he takes a morning shower, his mind instantly wanders over to his teammate. This week Lance has been training like crazy, he’s seen him practice with swords almost 8 hours a day. And before you say anything, he hasn’t been stalking. He doesn’t care. It’s not like he watches Lance from the distance just to be calm and tracks all his movements around the ship. Nonetheless, it calms him that Lance has been taking all the advice Keith gave him, even if none of them talk to each other now. Last time he almost beat Keith if he was a little better.

Keith softly smiles at this, before realizing and shaking his head profusely. What is he doing? He can’t be doing this! Lance has treated him like shit, and he doesn’t deserve Keith’s care. At least that’s what Veronica said.

+++
When Keith had the argument with Lance and stormed out of the room, he found Veronica and Acxa standing in front of Lance’s room, eavesdropping.

Keith sighed, and Veronica walked up to him and hugged him.

- I know this was hard for you, but Lance needs a wake-up call. This may be the little push he needs to get better… we can't keep on treating him like a golden boy.

- I know, Veronica. He’s just so… ARGH! – Keith groans loudly, and the trio starts walking away. - Do you think I was too rough with him? Maybe I-

Axca interrupted Keith.

- Keith, you can’t protect him from everything. Lance needed to hear this, and it was nothing but the truth.

Keith grimaced. He doesn’t like hurting Lance.

- Do you think he’s kind of right though? - He says, quietly. – I probably should have contacted him more.

Veronica puts a hand on his shoulder.

- Keith, you were dealing with your own shit.

- I know, but still. Lance was there for me when I needed it.

- And you’re here when Lance needs you the most. Trust me, Keith, it’s no good blaming yourself for the past. I’m proud of you for standing up to Lance, Boss.

Keith side-eyed Veronica.

- I said not to call me that. - He complains.

- Okay Keith. Still, I’m proud of you for not being a huge simp for my brother.

Keith winced as his cheeks reddened.

- I’m- Okay, I have no idea what “simp” means, but I’m pretty sure you’re making fun of me.

- Okay, let me put it this way: I’m proud of you for not doing EVERY thing Lance wants just because you’re gay for him.

- Okay, that’s enough! - Keith furrowed his brows. His face was really hot.

Suddenly, they all heard Io’s voice down the corridor.

- HEY! Hanging out without me?

- Hey, Io. - Keith said, barely looking at him.

- Woaaah is everything ok? You look like a kicked puppy. - Io noticed.

- Keith had a fight with Lance. We all agreed to stop talking to Lance until he was being decent with us again.

- Oh man, congrats Keith. That must’ve been hard for you, especially since you’re such a simp for Lance. – Io joked.

- WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??- Keith shouted, equally irritated and ashamed.

- The fact that Io knows more Earth slang than you says a lot, Keith. - Veronica teased.

Keith stopped in his tracks.

- I have an idea. We may have to be separated from Lance for a while, but I don’t want him to be alone. – Veronica rolled her eyes and Keith glared at her. - AS A FRIEND, I don’t think that’s going to do him any good. So… Can you go with him Io? Try to become friends with him and be with him if he needs you. Please.

Io maintained eye contact with Keith for a moment. Keith’s desperation and pain in his eyes made Io cave eventually.

- Okay. I mean, apparently, you all say that we have similar personalities. Personally, I don’t see it but… it’s going to be a pleasure to meet the legendary Blue Paladin.

- Thank you, Io. – Keith smirked. - Maybe he can teach you a thing or two about shooting.

Io scoffed.

- You talk as if you have any idea about it.

- Hey, I know a thing or two!

- A THING OR TWO?! Keith, you almost SHOT ME, and I was BEHIND YOU. -Veronica says, cackling.

- I was delirious because I hit my head!!

+++

As the hot water washed away his worries, Keith closed his eyes and sighed. He meant everything he said to Lance, and he’s still angry at him but… he knows Lance is his weak spot. He can’t deny it anymore. Lance’s face after Keith implied that they weren’t friends anymore broke his heart into a million pieces.

Veronica’s right, though. It seems like that pushed his brother to be better, or at least seek therapy with Raava. Yes, he looked at the med bay documents to check, SUE HIM. Well, maybe don’t because what he did is actually illegal… just keep it quiet, please.

Anyways, the point is that the fact that he can’t talk to Lance doesn’t mean that he can’t check on him with his …sources. Io has told him that Lance is opening up… the other day he even made a dirty joke like the ones he used to bother the old team with. That made Keith smile, and Io admitted that maybe he had more in common with Lance than he realized.

Keith decides that his 40-minute shower was probably enough and proceeds to brush his (incredibly messy) hair and wash his teeth. As he’s drying his mouth with a towel, he hears his phone ring.

He goes out of the bathroom and looks at the screen as Hunk’s profile picture pops up. He slides his thumb across the screen to accept the call and greets him.

- Hunk! How are you?

- Heyy man! I’m great, how about you?

- I’m fine. - Keith smiles. He missed Hunk’s voice. His friend always made him feel happy and warm inside, no matter the moment. He guesses Hunk’s just the equivalent of sunlight.

- That’s great! So, listen, I’m coming over to your base today, and I’m spending the whole day here. Remember the Xion, the royal advisor from the Zputik planet? Well, they urgently need my culinary assistance to meet with the people in Qzatar.

Keith pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

- I’m glad you’re coming, but… again? Didn’t they end the war already?

- That’s the thing, man. The King of Zputik is going to confess his love for the Queen of Qzatar! - Hunk cackles. - Isn’t that crazy?!

- Woah, that’s… interesting. Congrats, I guess? - Keith says, tilting his head to the side, confused. The idea that two people can fight so much but end up in love is strange to him. It makes no sense. – Anyway, much time is that going to take you? I have no missions today so maybe we can catch up.

- Oh yeah, totally! It’s just going to take a couple of varga; I’ll be there around 1200 hours.

Keith smiled, suddenly feeling much less stressed. Writing reports all morning was better when you had something to look forward to.

- That’s perfect. See you then, Hunk.

- Wait, Keith! I heard that Lance is at your base. Is that true? Can I talk to him? – Hunk suddenly seemed worried.

- Yeah… he’s here. But I must warn you… he’s a bit hostile. We had a huge fight, and I don’t think we’re friends anymore, Hunk. Apparently, Allura’s marks are making him hear voices and well, be more irritated… but it doesn’t excuse the way he treats everyone.

- What? Wow… I mean, he did block me as well. I knew something was wrong with him! I should have visited more.

- Hunk, it’s not your fault. We had things going on, we couldn’t just drop everything to be with him.

- I’m surprised you didn’t do that though. I mean… well. How are YOU doing with Lance here?

Keith sighed and looked away.

- I… I don’t know. I’m very angry at him, but at the same time, I want to tell him everything is going to be okay. But mostly angry, he’s bein’ a dick.- He says, trying to hide his worry.

Hunk laughed knowingly.

- Yeah, I imagine. But I don’t think you can ever stop being friends. How many times have you guys fought?

- This time it feels different, Hunk. – Keith says, dejected.

- How? Keith, if it was different, you wouldn’t care anymore, and Lance would have already left. You guys will always have a special bond. – Hunk snickered and Keith blushed.

- I’m hanging up.

- See you later, simp.

- WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT??

***

Keith looked at the picture The Clan had hung up on that tent. His own stoic indigo eyes stared back at him as he wondered why and how the clan got that picture.

Ever since they found the camp, they haven’t had a single more clue about the Clan’s plan. Krolia and Kolivan believe that their plan may be to directly attack the central building in Daibazaal, but Keith believes that it’s way too simple. Why would they risk attacking a whole planet full of Voltron allies? Something doesn’t feel right, and Keith’s instinct has never let him down.

- Hello, Boss. – Zethrid’s voice takes Keith away from his thoughts as he jerks his head up.

- Hello, Zethrid and Ezor. - He says, bringing his attention towards finishing Zethrid’s report on the last mission.

- Any leads? - Ezor asks, as she places herself behind Keith’s shoulder to read with him.

Keith sighs, frustrated.

- Not at all. I’ve been reading and writing reports for 4 Vargas and I’ve got nothing else. It seems like the only clues we have are the map and my picture. But it just seems… too convenient.

- Are you implying that they meant to leave this here? - Ezor asks.

- I don’t know. It’s just very odd that they decide to leave a camp this abruptly knowing that we could guess their plan.

- Maybe it’s a warning. - Zethrid adds.

- No… - Keith’s brows furrow. - It would be reckless. Giving away their plan to invade the coalition like that only because they want to threaten us makes no sense.

- I would do it to piss all of you off. - Zethrid comments.

- Babe, thank the gods you’re not the strategist in here. – Ezor chuckles.

Keith smiles at the comment but maintains his focus.

- It seems like a distraction. Maybe they’re trying to make us think that they’re going to invade the main building so the defenses will be weaker in the outskirts.

- Why would they do that?

Keith furrows his brows as an uncomfortable wave of uneasiness flows through his body.

- I have no idea. So far, their attacks have been random. But I have a feeling they have a plan. If only I could think like them…

- Honestly Keith, I think you’re overthinking this. Why would they go through all the trouble of deceiving us? Galra are not necessarily known for their intelligence… - Ezor insists.

Maybe they’re right, and he’s overthinking this.

- So far Krolia has sent more soldiers to protect the Coalition just in case their plan is to directly attack it. We never know. – He abruptly looked at Zethrid, who was closer to the clock at the entrance. - By the way, what time is it?

Zethrid turns around and squints to determine the time.

- It’s 12:38, Boss.

When he hears the time, he practically jumps from his desk.

- Shit! Fuck, damn it! – He says as he tries to frantically look for his fanny pack, which he discarded for his own comfort.

- Are you looking for this? - Ezor says, as she holds the fanny pack, with a knowing smirk.

- Yes, thank you so much Ezor. I’ll see you guys later, BYE! - Keith says goodbye as he runs out of the room.

Zethrid sighs.

- Why does he have to be so dramatic? - She exclaims.

- Humans. – Ezor shrugs.

***

Keith sprints down the hall to meet Hunk in his guest room, but before he takes the turn that leads him toward his corridor, he hears Hunk’s voice fill the silence.

- Is that really why you blocked me? - Hunk says as his voice blossoms quietly with hurt and regret.

Keith peeks at the conversation and sees Lance and Hunk standing in front of Hunk’s door.

- I… I’m sorry, Hunk. I was just… I guess I was just jealous. - Lance admits, visibly ashamed.- You’re all doing amazing things for the universe and I just couldn’t… I can’t even get over her. I just wanted to protect my family, but I ended up doing the contrary.

- Oh, Lance… Hey, listen. You haven’t been the nicest friend lately, everyone knows that. But man, we’re family and it’s not completely your fault. The quintessence-

- Wait, how do you know that? Did Keith tell you? - Lance says, now frowning and crossing his arms.

- I mean… yes, he did. But don’t make that face, he was just trying to make me understand. Besides, not the point.

- But-

- Lance! - Hunk’s unwavering tone surprises Keith and Lance equally. Who knew he could be so firm. - Let a man finish his speech. What I mean is that even if we mess things up royally, we’re always going to be here for you. That’s what family is all about man. You’ll always be my brother.

Keith doesn’t hear anything for a while, but the silence is suddenly interrupted by Lance’s sobs. Keith’s heart clenches.

- I- I’m so sorry. - Lance apologizes as he hugs his friend.- I have sa-said some horrible stuff and you don’t deserve any of it. -He sniffles. - I’m so lucky to have youuuu. HUNK!

Hunk smiles fondly as he takes his brother into his arms.

- Don’t worry about it, man. I love you.

- I LOVE YOU TOO! - Lance tries to say between sobs.

- I promise to call more.

- NO! Hunk I … You’re so busy-

- Lance, you might have been acting crazy, but you weren’t completely wrong. I should have checked on you more, and I apologize for that.

- I… Thank you. This is hard.

Hunk holds Lance in his arms as he falls apart. He comforts Lance with pats on the back and a string of occasional “I know”s spilling from his mouth. Keith stands there quietly listening. He knew he should have called more, and he knew that Lance was going through rough times, but he decided to look away. To leave. Like he always does.

It's too much.

He takes one last yearning look at Lance before heading to the training room, heart heavy with useless love.

***

Lance, as predicted, ends up scoring the first one on the shooting exam and surprisingly in the sword one as well. Keith smiles as he noticed Lance copying some of his moves. Lance is always observant like that. He ends up ranking higher than other cadets, but not high enough to pass the bar. Not yet at least. But he guessed Hunk didn’t care about the bar, judging by the bear hug Lance was granted with.

After showering and going to bed, he spoons Kosmo until he falls asleep.

He dreams about sharp blue eyes with impeccable aim.