Chapter Text
Madoka follows Homura into the apartment's entryway and watches as she takes off her shoes, setting them neatly to the side. Madoka does the same while Homura walks into the living room. When Madoka rejoins her, she finds her partner face-down on the floor. "Are you okay?"
"-'m fine."
Madoka places a cushion next to her and kneels onto it. She begins stroking the back of Homura's head. "We've still got some time. Can I teach you a little more about gender tonight?" Homura nods her head slightly. "Then I'll start with trans people."
"Wait." Homura pauses, then shifts, turning her head to look up at Madoka. "I actually know about that already."
Madoka blinks down at her in surprise. "R- really?" She nods. "That's great, but... but how? Usually people learn about sexuality first. And your case was... a little extreme."
Homura rests the side of her head back onto the floor. "Big Sis Magne, one of the League's members, is trans. She's told me about it, explained it to me, in previous timelines. She said that she and a friend of hers were often treated like villains, even before she decided to actually become a villain. I just... never really thought about it beyond how it applies to her."
Madoka smiles. "It was kind of her to explain that to you. Did she mention nonbinary people?"
"No, she... wait." Homura frowns. "This is another multiaxial spectrum, isn't it?" Madoka nods, pleased at her extrapolation. Homura looks somewhat pained. "Are the axes arbitrary?" Madoka nods again, delighted that her previous instruction is benefiting them now. Homura turns her face back toward the floor and groans. "No more math today!"
Madoka's giggle builds into a fit of laughter that eventually drags Homura into it as well.
When the mirth settles, Homura sighs. "Magnetism was already a nightmare before someone's quirk made it worse." Well, she was doing calculations for hours today.
"But it's useful to you now, right?"
"Only for solving other problems caused by quirks." She slowly exhales through her nose, closing her eyes, and her body subtly settles, relaxed.
A pleasant contentedness warms Madoka's chest and softly grows out to her extremities. Shortly thereafter, it crosses her mind that she might be the only one who ever sees- is maybe even the reason Homura is so at ease in this moment. Part of her tries to push the thought away, but on second thought, she indulges herself, greedily keeping Homura's peaceful expression to herself, in her mind. The ravenous possessiveness she suddenly finds herself feeding rewards her with a small rush that makes her head feel lighter.
Is this how Homura feels about me, too? Madoka has never felt this way about anyone else, was never really given the chance to. It's a little scary. No wonder Homura has been struggling so much with her feelings. Before Madoka can properly feel sorry for her, Homura shifts ever so slightly.
Madoka recognizes it as preparation to speak and patiently awaits Homura's words. "...Madoka, I-" She pauses, opening her eyes. Her gazes falls into a thoughtful, uncertain frown as she begins to push herself up, interrupting Madoka's light affections. She glances around a little, her focus landing on Madoka once or twice. Despite nothing happening, Homura's face begins to warm slightly with a blush. Taking a more deliberate breath, her expression resolves, presumably a mirror of her thoughts. She stands, offering Madoka a hand.
Once on her feet, Madoka is stunned by the intent expression directed down at her, Homura's minor height advantage seeming much larger for an instant. Her heart begins to race as Homura leans forward to press their lips together, and her mild concern for Homura's unusual behavior is abruptly deprioritized. She gladly reciprocates, questions abandoned for now. After a moment, she opens her eyes to see that Homura's brow has furrowed. Why-? Homura suddenly wraps her arms tightly around her, pulling her close. The embrace pins her arms to her sides, less a hug and more a hold. Desperate fingers dig not-quite-painfully into her back. Even through their clothes, Madoka can feel Homura's warmth where they touch. Despite and because of Homura's unexpected and atypically assertive actions, her mind is buzzing with delight. She all but loses herself in the feeling of being wanted until Homura gently pulls out of the kiss and places her head over Madoka's shoulder.
Taking a few unsteady breaths, Homura shudders. Her grip softens, but remains. "...This is more than I ever could have hoped for." Her voice is mostly steady, somehow. "You listened to me- believe and understand me this time. I spent so long- ...But now I have you. And you're safe, even if it won't last. I get to be with you for so- so- so much longer than the fragments of six weeks I used to have. It feels too good to be true." She pauses, and Madoka can feel her chest fill with each breath she takes. "Even though this timeline is probably going to get worse, even though I might not be any closer to truly saving you, there are still moments when I forget- when I'm actually happy." Madoka barely keeps her balance against the wave of heavy emotions that washes over her. Homura sighs. "But if I indulge myself like this... I just end up wanting more."
"Then why did you stop?" Madoka's mind goes blank for half a second at her own words. "I mean-" She had intended to say- to say something else, something less- ...but clearly that thought hadn't finished yet.
"B-because I... can't seem to trust myself." Homura shifts uncomfortably. "...And even if I could... I don't really know what more is."
Madoka's prior thought finishes. "I think you're- you might be mixing up different kinds of desire." Madoka presses lightly against Homura's hold. "Can I have my arms back, please?"
Homura stiffly releases her, aiming for haste over all else and looking away in some combination of guilt and shame. "S-sorry. I should have- said something first."
Madoka quickly hugs Homura. "It's fine- it's really okay Homura." She fights against the embarrassment that tries to stop her from speaking. "I- I actually... enjoyed that. A lot." She takes a breath while trying to think about what she's going to say. She remembers discarded questions. Homura had looked like she was forcing herself... because she was. "Why did you force yourself to do that if it made you uncomfortable?"
Homura hesitantly returns the hug. "That's because..." Distracted by her thoughts, perhaps, she settles into Madoka's embrace. "...I've been holding you back."
"Wait, b-but- you don't need to worry about me! You need to- your own pace is- there's no rush-"
"But I don't know what I'm doing. I'm... frustrated with myself." Homura pulls back and looks into Madoka's eyes. "I know I got overwhelmed before. And you don't want to do that to me again." She looks away. "But... I want to take the risk."
"I-" Madoka... gets stuck. Reflexively obstructs what feels like a sharp impulse. But upon inspection she finds herself almost overwhelmed with anticipation. And for what... her imagination feeds her biased predictions. She pulls away from Homura. "I- I need to- a minute." She takes a deep breath. "Let's... I'm going to- take a shower." Buying time to calm her racing heart and mind. In response to Homura's uncertain expression, Madoka takes her hand to pull her along. "You should too."
Homura does not resist being pulled to Madoka's room. As they undress, Madoka tries to get her thoughts in order. As she cleans herself, she tries to get her thoughts in order. And while she's sitting on the bed, helping dry Homura's hair, she finishes getting her thoughts in order. They are not in the order they should be. She had already made her decision when the impulse struck her. When Homura moves to go replace her towel with pajamas, Madoka stops her with a gentle touch. "Wait." She can't make eye contact for this. Not when she's about to be selfish at Homura's expense again. "I also want to... take that risk." She is conflicted and hesitant, but feels growing anticipation and excitement at their choice. Reaching one hand around the back of Homura's head to pull her into a deep kiss, her other hand moves to undo their towels.