Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Reia, I’m scared…”

“Just let me take her place! I’m begging you!”

“Can’t do. The decision has been made. Now, I must set the execution into motion.”

“Reia…”

“No!”

~*~

It’s the same nightmare.

An all too familiar scene that keeps replaying in her mind, the memories having taken firm root as soon as they were planted there. They appear as soon as she closes her eyes. When it’s quiet their voices still ring in her ears as they scream in pain and beg for their lives. They taunt her, the memories, reminding her that regardless of her physical escape, she’s still trapped mentally.

Someone bumping into her on the street snaps Reia out of the daze she found herself in again. Her body tenses up and she quickly glances around, finding no familiar faces in the masses. Her hand instinctively reaches up to briefly touch her neck, then the rope bracelet around her wrist. She takes a deep breath.

Stepping aside, she stands close to a nearby building and lingers there until she feels secure enough before she starts walking the remaining distance. She checks her watch, the silver gleaming in the sunlight. She’s early.

Finding the building she was looking for without much difficulty, she glances over her shoulder a few times before actually stepping inside. The bell rings. Not an unexpected sound in a store but it still has her tensing up again. She thought she would be over that by now.

It’s not very busy, the spot behind the register is even empty, so she slowly steps further inside to look for the manager. Her hands tighten around the strap of her shoulder bag. The silence feels eerie, it’s somehow even worse than the crowds and noises, like someone could jump out from behind any corner to attack her.

Just like-

“Ah, Reia, it’s good to see you’re on time.”

It takes everything in her power to not have any physical reaction to the sudden calling of her name.

Pretend to be normal.

Reia plasters a smile on her face an turns in the direction of the voice “I prefer to be early.”

A man, middle-aged with a receding hairline, smiles back at her, oblivious to her brief anxiety. She has met him before, he interviewed her “Excellent. That’s a good habit to have.”

She doesn’t even remember his name, probably having been too out of it during their brief introduction to properly store it in her memory. She should be better at remembering people. You never know when-

“Your coworker is in the back right now, but he should be out any second. He will show you the ropes.” Her manager smiles. It’s a warm smile, but she shivers at the memory of much more eerie smiles “At least for your first few days, I have scheduled you together for most shifts. Don’t worry, you’ll be in good hands.”

“Thank you, that’s very considerate.” Reia may force her smile, but it is appreciated. It’s certainly much better than constantly seeing new faces and being passed between employees for her training.

She has barely finished her thought when someone else approaches, probably her coworker considering he's wearing the shirt from the store, though he is wearing the sleeves rolled down despite summer heat fast approaching. At first glance, he appears to be around her height, but given his poor posture he may be just a little taller than her.

She reads his nametag. Shin. She should remember that.

She must have missed the manager actually introducing Shin to her, because when she glances at him again, he is already saying “Shin, this is Reia. She is the new employee I told you about. Look after her, yeah?”

Shin nods “Will do, boss.”

And with that, their manager believes his job is done and leaves them to go do something else, probably more paperwork.

“I’m Reia Azuma.” She holds out her hand.

Shin eyes it for a moment, either because he is confused by the act or because he’s suspicious of it, it’s hard to tell. He eventually takes her hand with a very weak shake “S… Shin Tsukimi.”

Strange, for a moment it almost seems like he was going to say something else there.

Shin is quick to pull his hand back again, though the contact was long for her to notice his hand was oddly cold to the touch. His eyes dart around, like he’s checking his surroundings, before they land on her again “Have you ever worked in a grocery store before?”

The sentence sounds rehearsed. Maybe the manager has let him train people before?

“I haven’t. Although last… previous years I have worked as a waitress.”

Right, she had tried to work last summer, but couldn’t…

“So you know how to operate a register at least.” Shin says, partly a statement, partly a question.

She has to focus. She nods “I do. You may have to show me the specifics of the one here, but in general I do have the experience.”

“That’s good. Saves us some time at least.” He’s looking away again, at the door this time. She can’t help but follow his gaze, her chest tightening “Anyways, I’ll show you the rest then.”

And so he does. The work isn’t difficult, although she sometimes struggles with finding all the products on the shelves. She would have been much slower than Shin, if it weren’t for one thing…

He’s super weak.

The first time Reia saw him having difficulty with a box, she thought it would be a super heavy one, so she offered to lift it together. She had expected it to be an instant ticket to muscle aches, but found she could pick it up without even straining the muscles in her arms. She herself isn’t even strong by any means, just average.

When she noticed it a second time, she offered to move it again, but by herself this time. That had immediately been rejected.

Apparently, working together comes with some hesitation but is accepted, but allowing her to take over won’t even cross his mind as a reasonable option.

When more customers start coming in again, Shin shows her how to operate the register. Following his example is easy. What she finds especially easy is counting change, which he seems to notice too, considering he comments on it later.

“I take it you’re good at math, miss Reia.”

It’s a very small comment, but it startles her while she’s in the middle of restocking the freezer, having the opportunity now that it has become pretty quiet again. She manages to catch the box of ice cream she nearly dropped, putting it on the shelf and closing the door of the freezer. Besides the necessities to explain everything, Shin hasn’t been saying much to her. So she takes the small opportunity to converse and get to know him a little better.

“I’m a university student, actually.” She collects the plastic the ice cream boxes came in so she can throw it away later “I major in chemistry to be specific, so it requires a lot of math.”

“Is that so…”

She’s not letting him escape the conversation he started so easily “What about you?” He seems confused by the question, so she clarifies “Are you still studying, or what do you do outside of working here?”

“Oh… I’m a job-hopper.”

Odd response, but she keeps pressing on. She needs to get to know him. If she doesn’t, it’ll haunt her “I see. So how long have you been working here then?”

“A few months, but I work almost every day so now I’m the go-to guy for training new employees.” After he says that, he quickly looks away, pressing his lips together.

She got him! So he does have a more friendly side after all. Reia smiles at that. While he hasn’t been rude to her at all today – honestly, he has been quite polite – he hasn’t been overly friendly either, maintaining a certain distance between them.

“Why the interest?” He asks, the first real question he has directed at her that isn’t related to work.

Reia shrugs. Honestly, not all of it is entirely rational, more an anxious habit she developed after everything. Though it’s not like she can just go and tell him ‘it’s because I watched multiple people, including children, get killed right before my eyes’. However, making friends has just always been something she does, so she goes with that route for her response.

“Well, considering I’m going to be working a lot of days as well, I’ll probably see you around a lot and would like to get to know you.” She smiles and shrugs again “Besides, it’s good to get to know people.”

Shin mutters “That’s one way to look at it…”

Definitely someone who keeps a distance from others.

“I’m not going to ask about all your deepest, darkest secrets or anything, don’t worry.” She teases, pushing the thoughts about her own demons back to the corners of her mind “But I’d like us to be friendly, if you’ll let me.”

“We’ll see…”

That’s something at least. She’ll take it as a win, even if it’s a small win.

“Uhm, back to work-related things, where do these go?” Reia holds up another box of frozen treats as she asks the question.

“Third door, bottom left.”

“Odd, usually you’ll point them out rather than shout instructions.”

“I wasn’t shouting.” His cheeks flush “And I’m not getting near the freezers if I don’t have to. They’re far too cold.”

He has been wearing a beanie inside all day…

Reia shrugs “Your loss. I’ll gladly take restocking the freezers off your hands with how hot it is getting again these days.”

She’s certain they’ll be able to get along just fine.

Chapter Text

Reia tries to blow the stray strand of hair out of her face, but the sweat has caused it to be stuck to her forehead. The audible giggling has her glance at the person with her.

“I treat you to ice cream and this is my thanks?” She makes sure to smile when she says it, knowing he may not pick up on the sarcasm.

“Sorry, big sis Reia.” Gin smiles, having taken off his mask to be able to eat the frozen treat. He has made a lot of progress to be able to do that in public.

She shakes her head, amused “So how’s your mom? I haven’t heard much about how she’s doing from my parents.”

“She’s… happy and healthy, as always, meow.”

Reia does her best to hide her frown, quickly taking a bite of her own ice cream to mask her expression. He has been giving her the same answer when she inquires about his mother, who hasn’t been talking to Reia’s own parents as much as she used to, since she came back. Did something happen in the meantime?

Maybe she should stop asking about it…

“What are you doing now that you have a break from school, big sis Reia?”

She pauses, glancing at Gin “Oh, I’m currently working at a covenience store.”

“Eh? I thought you were on summer break, woof.”

“A little extra income can’t hurt. Besides, you know me, I could never sit still.” Reia finds herself expressing a genuine smile for once.

“Adults are boring, meow…”

“I’m hurt that you would lump me in with the super boring adults.” She adds a wink “I’m your favourite adult.”

“After my mom!”

“Of course. Second favourite adult?”

Gin smiles and nods, before going back to his ice cream. She smiles back, glad to be able to spend time with him again. It was harder to do so when she started university, but ever since she moved to the city Gin lives in not long ago, it has been better.

“How is middle school going? Better than elementary?”

Gin falls a little quiet at that and he pauses what he was doing.

Reia frowns, and scoots a little closer on the bench they’re sitting on, being mindful of his personal space “Hey, you know you can tell me, right? I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”

“I know.” Gin sighs “I made a friend and he’s really nice, meow! But most of the others still treat me…”

“Like you’re weird?”

Gin nods “They’re not mean to me, but they kind of avoid me, woof.”

“People can be cruel to those who are ‘different’.” Reia agrees, sighing “I want to tell you that it gets better as you grow up, but honestly, people just become more subtle.” Gin leans into her, so she puts a hand on his back to comfort him “At least it does get better when you find your people.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I just need to find the right people, meow. Thanks, big sis Reia.” Gin smiles “Promise you won’t tell my parents, woof?”

“I promise.” She smiles at his optimism “Then can you not tell your parents we’re gonna get another ice cream on our way back? It’s way too hot.”

Gin laughs “I promise.”

~*~

Yesterday was one of her better days, today is a little harder. The morning starts out rough.

When she looks in the mirror, Reia sees his silhouette behind her and quickly spins on her heel to look around the room. She moved too fast, losing her footing stumbling backwards. She roughly hits her elbow in the process, hissing when she grips the injury. That’s going to bruise, probably along with a few more on her arm. Despite her elbow being the worst, she definitely hit more judging by the dull ache in her lower arm.

Her eyes dart across the walls, looking for anything that’s even remotely out of place. Nothing. She grabs a hardcover book, keeping it raised slightly as she makes her way to her front door. She tests it.

Still locked.

She releases her breath and lowers the book, leaning against the wall “It’s okay, Reia. You’ve gone over this. It’s the paranoia making you see him. It’s okay to be scared.”

Sliding down the wall to sit down, she places a hand on her chest and keeps repeating words of assurance to herself. She takes a deep breath in. Her hand moves up to touch her neck. She breathes out.

What she saw wasn’t real. It was just a figment of her imagination. It’s normal considering everything she has been through.

She leans her head back and closes her eyes. She begins tapping the side of her neck in a rhytm. She listens to the ticking of the clock. Feels the solid wall pressing into her back, the cold floor below her feet.

She opens her eyes and takes a deep, more steady breath. She stops tapping, instead placing her hand on the wall to support herself as she gets up slowly. She doesn’t falter, so she takes another breath and returns to the mirror to fix her hair, fingers running through the light blue strands.

She has work today. Better finish getting ready and forget what she saw.

~*~

“Good morning, Shin.” She greets her coworker when she enters the store “I see you got an early shift today?”

He glances up and adjusts his beanie a little, how he’s still wearing that in this weather is beyond her “Yeah, one of the others is competing with me for the night shifts.”

He’s not quite looking at her when responding, but the fact that he’s actually giving proper responses rather than trying to keep them as short as possible makes her smile.

“Upset that you’re missing out on the pay?” She asks.

“That and my sleep cycle is suffering from switching between early and late shifts so much.” He has a neutral expression, his tone of voice not betraying much either.

“Yeah, that’s not great.” Reia smiles “I’ll put my bag away and then I’ll join you.”

Shin doesn’t really respond to that, though she can see him nod before heading to the back. She finds a locker and puts her bag in, putting in a password that she can remember to lock it.

She turns her back towards the lockers and glances around the room, finding no images of him or anyone else conjured by her mind. It should be okay. She should be okay.

She pushes herself away from the wall to join Shin.

When she joins him, he asks her to man the register while he does some of the other work. She agrees, plastering on the fake customer service smile she mastered while working as a waitress. She greets the people that enter, rings up their purchases and wishes them a nice day. At some point, a group of middle schoolers comes in during their break to buy the store’s cheapest popsicles to share among their group of friends. Reia welcomes the extra change for the register and briefly chats with the teenagers. When they leave, she glances at Shin and sees him looking at the small group, a strange expression on his face. Hurt? Guilt?

She decides to pretend she didn’t see it.

However, his strange expression triggers something inside her as well. She usually pushes most of the memories to the back of her mind while interacting with children and young teenagers, so she doesn’t have to see the girl she failed to save in everyone she meets. Yet those memories will always be there, and the reminders usually come at night.

Reia touches the bracelet on her wrist. She can never forget, and she shouldn’t. She just wishes she were a little better at living with it.

The next customer snaps her out of her thoughts, so she forces herself to put the smile back on and focuses on her work.

Right. She took this job to distract herself, to not be stuck with her thoughts all day. Just pretend the pain away and keep going.

She can do that.

~*~

“Here.” Reia holds out one of the two paper cups she filled with water to Shin.

It’s become calmer again, so the took the opportunity to take a small break to drink something. Even though the store is kept at a consistent temperature, she can still tell it’s far too hot outside.

Shin eyes the cup for a moment, but eventually takes it and mutters “Thanks.”

“Remember to stay hydrated in this weather.” Reia muses, taking a sip of her water. She sighs, lamenting “I hate summer.”

“Really? I think it’s nice.”

“You’re a man who wears winter clothes in the middle of a heat wave.” Reia gestures at his scarf and beanie, as well as the rolled down sleeves “I’m not sure if I should take your opinion seriously.”

“It’s colder in the store than outside.” Shin argues, defending himself “Besides, most people I know like summer more than winter, so I think you’re the odd one.”

“Maybe.” She agrees “Winter is definitely nicer.”

Shin makes a face at that and she smiles.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who hates cold as much as you.”

He shrugs “Maybe. Although it’s not even that warm right now. My hands are still pretty cold.”

Reia blinks “I think the heat has gotten to your head… You’re seriously still cold?”

Shin holds up his hands in defence while she just gives him a look. Honestly, still feeling cold in this weather doesn’t sound normal, even if she is very biased with her hatred for summer. Now that she thinks about it, he is also extremely weak. Maybe there is more going on than she knows about.

“Miss Reia, did you get injured?” Shin asks in a matter-of-fact way, pointing out the bruises on her arm.

She glances at them, the discolouration is worse than she expected, so it’s no wonder he noticed “I tripped and hit a wall this morning. It’s just bruising, nothing severe.”

“If you say so.” He doesn’t seem entirely convinced by the excuse, but it seems it doesn’t bother him enough to press for answers.

Finishing her drink, she gets moving to throw her cup away “I think I’ll get started on restocking shelves. Considering your hatred for cold, I’m sure you don’t mind if I do the freezers?”

“Knock yourself out, miss Reia.”

She considers it for a moment, then says “Reia.”

Shin looks at her now “Huh?”

“Drop the ‘miss’.” She offers with a smile “Reia is fine.”

“Alright…”

Her smile widens a little and she actually gets moving now, eager to be close to the lovely coolness the freezers provide.

Considering how much time they’re forced to spend together, it shouldn’t surprise her that they manage to get a little closer. Still, she feels happy with the progress she’s making. She hasn’t even come close to making new friends since, well, everything happened. It has been lonely.

So she’s hopeful she can at least add Shin to the list of people she’s on good terms with, at least for the time she works here.

What happens after is something she’ll just have to wait for and see.

Chapter Text

“I’m scared…!” The girl’s voice breaks.

“No!” Reia cries, trying to reach out and grab the young girl’s hand while she’s being dragged away. She fails.

Chains pull on the child’s wrists and ankles. They hold her up in the air. They begin to tighten.

Blood. So much blood.

Reia screams as she scrambles back when the blood seeps into her pants. Her hands are stained with deep red.

“Her blood’s on your hands, Reia.”

“No no no no no no-”

“Her blood is on my hands.”

He looms over her. He has a crazed look in his eyes.

“Stop! Leave me alone!”

She wants to run. Her feet are stuck to the ground. She can’t move her body!

“You can’t run from me forever, Reia.”

He wraps his hands around her neck. The shining metal of her collar digs into her skin.

“I will always find you.”

His face it too close to hers. She can’t breathe. His grip keeps tightening. She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe-

~*~

Reia shoots up. Something is restricting her! She struggles, managing to free herself and scrambles back until her back is against the wall. Hot tears stream down her face. Her chest rises and fall sharply with each shallow breath. It’s too dark to see. Is there a silhouette in the corner?!

She covers her mouth with a hand and screams. She screams and cries until her throat is raw. Her breaths come out in a mixture of wet sobs and gasps for air. Her chest hurts.

Eventually, the severe panic subsides, leaving her broken and with anxiety running through her system. Her chest is still tight. Her hands are still shaking. She lets the tears fall. Her body hurts.

Her tears are hot against her clammy skin. The memories keep haunting her. He never leaves her alone either, even if he isn’t around physically.

“Just leave me alone.” She sobs.

No one hears her plea.

No one hears her cry.

No one sees her tears fall.

She’s all alone.

She will always be alone.

~*~

She didn’t fall asleep again after the nightmare.

Reia sits at her table, taking small sips of her coffee because she will need the cafeine to get through the day. Sometimes she can manage to fall asleep again after waking up from the vivid nightmares she has – after lying awake for at least an hour, that is – but the sun was already rising when she woke up, so there was no point in going back to sleep. She just got her blanket, which she had kicked out of bed in sheer panic when waking up, and sat there for a while before grabbing a book. At least she has an early shift today, so she can go to bed a little earlier.

And hope she doesn’t get any more vivid nightmares.

Her sleep log is open on the table, where she documented the experience. She doesn’t bother reading back to previous accounts on her nightmares. While they vary slightly, the pattern is always the same. She’ll see the girl she failed to save, and sometimes others too, then she sees him. It always ends with him.

She just wishes he would leave her alone already, but the memories are stuck in her head.

There’s no use in thinking about it. She has somewhere to be today. There’s work to be done, so at least she won’t be stuck in her apartment with her own thoughts.

Hopefully Shin also has a shift today. She has been enjoying his company, but more importantly, she doesn’t want to be left alone in the store either.

She’ll figure it out. It’s about time she heads out anyways.

~*~

Unfortunately, Shin isn’t there yet when she arrives, but one of her other coworkers is. While it’s not someone she knows very well, at least it’s another person. However, they don’t stick around very long after she arrives as their shift ends.

And thus Reia finds herself alone with her thoughts for approximately two hours.

She tries to distract herself by talking to the few customers she sees, but, as expected, it’s not like anyone sticks around long enough to actually be a sufficient distraction. Besides, there’s only so much she can say without coming across as a massive weirdo. She doesn’t want to creep out anyone.

Inbetween, she fidgets with her bracelet or taps her fingers on the counter in a rhytm that requires enough focus to prevent her mind from drifting, for the most part at least. Occasionally she taps on her wrist or the back of her hand.

“Hey… Reia.”

Even though his greeting startles her, she’s genuinely happy to see Shin has shown up. She gives a small wave from behind the register “Hi Shin.”

She doesn’t have the energy to make a quip about him being stuck with her again today, or about something else even. She barely has enough energy and focus to maintain a fake smile.

Shin puts away his belongings and when he returns, he asks her “Should I go restocking items or do you want me to take over the register?”

“Oh, it’s fine. I can keep doing this.” Reia taps on her wrist again “You might want to grab a stepladder. I saw some products that are on the highest shelf and I don’t think either of us can reach that.”

“We’ll see about that.”

She’s not convinced it will work, but she’ll let him try anyways. Normally she would have taken on restocking, considering how weak Shin is, but given how tired she’s feeling, she’s worried she would just end up dropping things or worse.

She watches him attempt to reach the top shelf, but it goes as well as she predicted. When he returns with the stepladder, she smiles “I see you’ve been defeated by your archenemy; top shelves.”

“Aren’t you shorter than me?” Shin deadpans while he climbs the stepladder.

“I believe so. Although I don’t have my posture taking a couple of centimetres off my height.”

He rolls his eyes, but she catches a glimpse of a faint smile. They work together in silence for a little while.

She’s glad that he had to come in for a shift today too. Hopefully, she can get through the day without imagining him again. Then she can just go home and distract herself with a book or music or anything really-

A sound catches her attention, startling her and snapping her out of her planning. She looks over and sees Shin grabbing the shelf. No, not just grabbing, gripping it tightly with one hand while the other is held up to the side of his head.

She slowly walks over to him “Shin? Is everything alright?”

He doesn’t respond, instead she watches his grip weakening and his body slowly tilting backwards. He does move his foot back, almost in an attempt to catch himself, but there’s nothing but air. He falls.

Even in her exhausted state, Reia musters enough energy to step forward and quickly estimate where she needs to be. She stumbles when his limp body hits her, the sheer force of it nearly knocking her over, but she quickly wraps her arms around him and manages to hold him up long enough to be able to gently lower him to the ground. She remains kneeling beside him after laying him down.

Glancing around, it doesn’t seem like there are currently any customers, so she stays with him. She carefully rests the back of her hand against his forehead to check his temperature. While his skin feels a little cold to her touch, it isn’t very extreme and doesn’t seem cause for alarm, especially when considering his hand also felt cool when she shook it on her first day. However, now that she has a proper look, he does seem slightly paler than usual. She should have noticed something was off. She shouldn’t have let him do the heavier work. She should have-

“Reia…?”

He still seems a little confused, almost like he expected to see someone else for a moment. Then his expression changes into something she can’t quite place.

“Shin, are you alright? You just fainted.” She doesn’t bother hiding her true feelings right now, allowing the frown to be evident on her face.

“I’m fine.” He tries to brush her off and sit up again, but quickly his expression contorts.

She puts a hand on his shoulder “You shouldn’t move so quickly. It will only cause you to faint again.”

“I can’t just stay here on the floor.” He argues.

Reia presses her lips together. He does have a point. The floor isn’t comfortable by any means, even if it’s best he doesn’t move, and it wouldn’t be a good look if someone came in now.

“Alright then.” She relents, placing her hands on his back to slowly help him sit up. Then, she takes his arm and wraps it around her shoulders before helping him stand.

For a moment, it seems like he’s about to faint again, but he only stumbles a little and she manages to get him to the back and helps him sit down again. When Reia is certain that he won’t just immediately collapse again, she gets up to get him some water.

Shin leans forward, putting his head in his hands, so she just holds onto the paper cup for now and sits down next to him. At least she can hear the bell from here, so she’ll know when someone comes into the store.

She hopes no one, because Shin still isn’t looking well.

After a moment of just sitting there, he casts a glance her way and she wordlessly offers him the cup. As usual he hesitates, but he does take it. His grip seems weak, but he manages to not drop it. That’s a good sign at least.

She should probably get back to work, so she turns to him and is about to speak when he asks “Why are you doing this?”

She blinks in confusion. He is staring at the cup in his hands, keeping his head down slightly. Since he doesn’t seem to plan to elaborate, she asks him “Doing what?”

His jaw tenses “Being so overly nice to me.”

Has she been too much and coming across as fake? Does he believe he doesn’t deserve kindness? Both?

Reia takes a deep breath, deiciding to just give an answer regarding the current situation. That seems the best thing to do “You collapsed in front of me, Shin. What am I supposed to do? Not care about your well-being? Allow you to injure yourself?”

He doesn’t give an answer, though something seems to be on his mind. When it doesn’t seem like he’s going to say anything after all, Reia gets up.

“I should go back to work. Maybe you should take-”

He cuts her off “I’m fine.”

He gets up, but immediately stumbles. She puts a hand on his arm to steady him “You can barely stand, Shin. I can handle the workload by myself for the time it takes you to feel steady again.”

He begrudgingly sits down again, gritting his teeth.

She doesn’t know what else to say and she doubts anything she says will make him feel better, so Reia makes the decision to leave him alone for a moment. She ignores the flash of darkness that briefly clouds her vision while she walks away. Just a little longer and then her shift is over. She bites her lip, the pain grounding her before she realizes what she’s doing and stops.

Intending to finish the work Shin started, she climbs the stepladder and begins restocking the final few products. At least he got quite far before he suddenly collapsed, so hopefully neither of them will have to climb it in their unsteady states when she is done with this one. When she climbs down again, she makes sure to hold onto something to not stumble and fall herself. She greets the customer than just enters, managing to force a smile, and rings up their products when they’re done grabbing what they need.

After she wishes them a good day, she turns and finds Shin has just joined her again.

Before she can even ask, he says “I’m okay.”

It’s not a very convincing statement, considering he’s still a little pale, but she knows better than to push the topic.

He walks past her to the register “Reia, you should go take a break yourself.”

She freezes.

“You’ve been at work for a while, right?” He sighs “Besides, you look exhausted.”

Tears well up in her eyes. She doesn’t want to take a break. Taking a break means being alone without anything to distract her. Being alone means replaying memories, it means pain, it means seeing him in everything. In shadows, silhouettes, everything.

How is she supposed to explain all that?

She needs to find an excuse, a reason, anything! She needs to come up with a convincing half-truth and-

…

She needs to be honest.

“I suppose you’re right, but,” She blinks the tears away and turns to Shin again, “I’d rather not be alone right now.”

He looks at her now, no longer avoiding her gaze. He doesn’t say anything at first but then he asks “Are you okay?”

“I think approximately as okay as you.” Reia shrugs.

Another moment of silence “I’m not very good at this sort of thing. I guess… do you want to talk about it?”

“I believe we said no deepest, darkest secrets.” Reia retorts with a smile, trying to find the humour in the situation. But she finds the gesture heartwarming, especially considering how he can be a little distant. She sighs, resting her elbows on the counter “It’s nothing extreme. I have a condition called nightmare disorder. It means I sometimes get really vivid nightmares that disturb my sleep.”

That’s the nice version of it at least. The reality is quite a bit worse than that, but he doesn’t need to know all those details.

“That… sucks.” Shin’s response is very awkward, but it seems genuine and that’s what matters.

She nods, a sad smile on her face “It does.”

A pause.

"I have anaemia. It causes me to faint sometimes.”

Shin's admission surprises her “I see… that makes sense.” She hums “Considering we’re both not a hundred percent, let’s look out for each other a little?”

She makes sure to leave it as a question, a suggestion, not a demand.

He slowly nods “Sure, let’s do that.”

She smiles.

Chapter Text

“How did I accumulate so much stuff?” Reia mutters.

She stands up with a sigh, grabbing a new stack of books to go through them. She ran out of space on her bookshelves, so her plan was to go through the books currently on them and pick out the ones she isn’t planning on re-reading anytime soon – with the exception of the ones with the really stunning covers. Then those books could go into boxes she could store in cabinets. However, as it turned out, there were already things in those cabinets. So that’s how she ended up cleaning her entire apartment.

She picks up an old book on dogs, most likely from her childhood “I’ll ask Gin if he wants this one. This seems to be more for teenagers, I believe.”

Plus, animals have always been Gin’s main special interests, even to this day, so he would most likely appreciate these things. He would often get her old belongings when she had outgrown them and they interested him, mainly books.

She organizes the things she has already decided to get rid of into three categories. The first are items she thinks people she knows might appreciate, so she will ask them first before moving them to the second category. The second includes items that are still in good condition and could be donated to various places. Finally, things that are so worn or aged that they can’t be saved will just have to be thrown away. She can do that on her way to work later.

This seems to be a good way to organize things so far. It definitely helps de-clutter her living space a lot. She can find a new way to organize her books – knowing her they’ll just be sorted by topic and author again. Maybe get a few new plants…

…She knows how she ended up with so much stuff.

~*~

It’s a relatively nice day, still a little too warm for her liking, but much better than the heat wave from before. At least the current temperature is managable. Still not enjoyable, but it doesn’t make her want to lay down on the floor in front of a fan and not move all day. It’s probably a good thing that Reia has her job to make her get out of the house.

Though if she didn’t have her job, she wouldn’t have gotten a new plant on her way back. But she’s way too happy with the new addition for her interior to fret over the new clutter she’s creating. She put in a lot of effort to clean up, so she deserves a small reward. Besides, plants are good for you. They make a living space feel more comfortable, provide oxygen and improve humidity. What’s not to love?

Well, some of them are very difficult to take care of, but that’s okay!

Reia takes the elevator this time, not wanting to carry her plant up the stairs. She is far too jumpy to safely carry things up the stairs. If she encountered anyone she hadn’t seen coming, she would drop her belongings. She did it with her groceries once, fortunately nothing broke, and decided it was best to just take the elevator. Less of a risk and also a lot less awkward for everyone involved. She doesn’t want her neighbours to think she’s mentally unstable.

After fumbling with her keys for a moment – it’s a lot more difficult with only one free hand – Reia opens the door and steps inside. She puts her new plant down and locks the door again. She tests it to make sure it’s really close at least thrice before picking up her plant to find a good spot for it.

Afterwards, she texts people to ask if they want to have any of her old things. Gin jumps at the opportunity to take some of the books off her hands. She smiles at the enthusiasm in his responses. He has always been eager to learn when actually given the right tools and opportunities. She promises to bring the books with her when she sees him again.

She grabs one of her newer books from the shelves, finds a comfortable spot on her small couch and begins reading.

~*~

Her day had been pretty great, however, she wakes up from another nightmare.

It’s the same as always. Memories, or slightly twisted versions of it, of the death game, then he comes out and attacks her. She grabs a pillow and screams into it, her tears soaking through the fabric she buried her face in.

She can never feel safe, can she? Even when she tries, even when she has good days, it always finds her again when the lights are out. Doesn’t she deserve peace? Isn’t she allowed to heal, ever?

Instinctually, she reaches for her wrist…

Only to find it empty.

She immediately panics, throwing her pillow in a random direction and turning the lights on to look for her bracelet. Nothing. It’s gone!

She clambers out of bed, stumbling as her breathing grows shallow again. She hits the wall, holding onto it for support. Where is it? Surely it has to be somewhere! She can’t… she can’t lose it.

Her thoughts racing, she slides down and cradles her head in her hands “Calm down, Reia.” She chokes out between the shallow breaths “You can’t do anything… when panicking… Calm down.”

Right, she won’t be able to do anything if the panic is clouding her mind. She needs to steady herself enough to be able to actually look for it.

She cups her trembling hands over her mouth and nose to essentially serve as a makeshift bag. Then she breathes in and out, trying to control it but with the inevitable gasps occasionally breaking through. She closes her eyes, shutting out the rest of the world in an attempt to focus. All she can do is wait for it to pass.

It passes eventually, leaving her shaken and drained. Her head is pounding, but she still gets up and turns on the bigger lights.

She has to find her bracelet.

~*~

Nothing.

She practically turned her apartment upside down and still nothing.

Did she throw it away with the items she had sorted out? That would be an absolute nightmare. With how attached she has become to the bracelet, she isn’t sure if she can handle losing it forever. It has to be somewhere!

And yet, even though she spent the better part of her day off looking for it – her apartment is still a mess – she couldn’t find it.

She almost feels numb as she heads to work, her wrist feeling way too bare. It feels wrong to not have it, like a piece of her is missing. It’s stupid, she barely had the chance to get to know the people she was trapped with. They were ripped away within the same day and yet, considering the impact all of it left on her and just how traumatic it was, it also makes sense that she would be attached to it. If she had been a slightly different person, she might have thrown it in a drawer as soon as she got home to try and forget about everything, but that’s not her. The memories may be awful, but she still values the lives lost, the people she met. So instead she clings to the one thing she has left of the girl.

The bell rings when Reia walks through the door, and she finds herself greeted by Shin. She returns the greeting, managing a smile that clearly doesn’t reach her eyes, before continuing so she can put her bag away.

When she returns, Shin clearly noticed her odd behaviour as he gives her a look before averting his gaze again “Rough day?”

“You could say that.” She mumbles in response. She shakes her head “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Shin gets back to what he was doing for a moment, then pauses again “Before I forget. I think you lost something.”

He digs through his pocket, before pulling out a familiar bracelet. The different shades of blue still as vibrant as ever.

Her eyes widen and it takes her quite a bit of self control to not just snatch it from his hands. She takes it, clutching it tightly in her palm that she brings close to her chest. She presses her lips together, not wanting to cry on the spot even as she finds some of the stress leaving her body. She exhales.

“I thought I lost it.” She looks at the bracelet in her hand, before looking at Shin “Thank you.”

“You’re always wearing it, so I recognized it lying on the counter two days ago.” He looks at her “It seems important?”

Reia puts the bracelet securely around her previously empty wrist again. It feels right, like a missing piece has been returned. It’s probably not healthy to be so attached to an object, but can she blame herself for it considering everything?

“It is.” She confirms, a sad smile crossing her face “Someone gifted it to me.”

It’s all the explanation she wants to give and Shin doesn’t pressure her for more “Luckily I found it then.”

Smiling to herself, Reia picks up a box and gets to work. It’s much easier now that she feels a lot better “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Her words weren’t particularly loud, but she catches a glimpse of a faint smile from him. He may have no idea how deep the importance of a simple bracelet runs, but clearly he realizes that it matters to her and that fact seems to be enough. He seems like a good person.

She’s glad she got to meet him.

Chapter Text

“How’s your vacation so far?”

Her friend, Ayako, gives a hum as she ponders a response to Reia’s question, swirling her coffee cup around a little “Mostly good. Naoki and I went on a small trip together.” She smiles at the memory, before sighing “But you know how my parents are.”

“They still disapprove of him?”

“Yup.” Ayako sighs again “Complaining about social status, as usual. It’s like they can’t see how much he means to me.”

Reia frowns “Honestly, I think they just don’t want to see it.”

“You’re probably right… They’re probably just trying to delude themselves that it’s only a phase and we will break up eventually.” Ayako throws her hands into the air “Not like we’re making our future plans together already! No. Just a phase.”

Reia offers a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry for venting. It’s just so frustrating.” Ayako exhales and takes a small sip of her coffee “I love my parents, I do, but sometimes all their expectations can feel a little…”

“Suffocating?”

Ayako nods then leans back in her chair “Thanks for listening to my rants, Reia. I know it’s probably not always fun.”

Reia holds up a hand “Don’t worry. Besides, you were one of the few who supported me when I needed it the most. I want to support you too.”

Ayako places a hand over the one that’s still on the table “Never feel like you owe me support, okay? With everything you were going through, you needed someone and I was happy to be that person. That’s what friends are for.”

“I know.” Reia smiles “Don’t worry. I don’t feel obligated to support you because I owe you or anything. You’re my friend, so even if our struggles may be different, I’m glad I can provide a listening ear.”

Ayako returns the smile “I’ll always be there for you, Rei.”

“Thank you.” Reia says softly, gently squeezing Ayako’s hand.

Returning the gesture before pulling her hand away, Ayako leans back “Enough about me. How has your new job been?”

“Overall, I’d say it’s a positive experience.” Reia wraps both of her hands around her cup “You’ve received my texts.”

“I did, but I want a little more detail.” Ayako leans forward “You talked a lot about your coworker. Shin, was it? Is he cute?”

“Ayako!”

She laughs at Reia’s indignant expression “You know I’m just teasing.”

“Still, having you say such a thing so bluntly threw me off.” Reia mutters, choosing to hide her expression by taking a sip of her drink “I suppose he’s cute, but…”

“I know. You’re not looking for anything.” Ayako smiles empathetically.

Reia nods “I would like to do some healing before I actually get back into the hectic world of dating.”

“You’ll have no problems once you get back. You were pretty popular on those apps. Can’t say I blame the guys.” Ayako winks “Though I’ll gladly set you up with someone.”

“That would be preferable if that time ever comes. Dating apps are a mess that I would like to avoid if possible.” Reia laments, remembering her days on them. Ayako is right that she had no problem landing matches, but even the quality ones rarely stuck after a first or second date. She always assumed it had been because she was always a little... different. Most of her friends are from her studies, sharing many of her odd interests.

“Hit me up when I need to start looking for someone. I need to handpick the finest man for my dear friend.” Ayako smiles “Of course I already have the finest, but that’s a very biased judgement.”

Reia chuckles “Of course. I promise I’ll let you know if I ever feel ready.”

“Great! And otherwise we can just become crazy neighbours.”

“I thought that was our plan A?”

“Good point. We’ll become crazy neighbours anyways and we’ll see about finding you a man. Now, tell me more about your cute coworker.”

Knowing Ayako doesn’t mean anything serious by the teasing, Reia feels comfortable enough and starts recounting the story of Shin finding her bracelet.

~*~

“It’s this late already?” Reia wonders aloud, eyes wide when she looks up at the dark sky.

She hadn’t meant to lost track of time. After parting ways with Ayako, Reia had grabbed dinner before heading to the library and spent the rest of her day apparently. If the librarian hadn’t practically kicked her out, she would probably still be there. She really ought to set an alarm when she goes there.

“So much for not hyper-focusing.” She laments with a sigh, peering into the dark street lit only by the street lanterns. For now, her immediate surroundings are illuminated by the lights inside the library, but those will likely turn off soon too. She takes a deep breath “It’s fine, Reia. The apartment building is only 15 minutes if you walk fast. Nothing will happen in the meantime.”

Hadn’t she thought that before? She had been walking home with him after going to a cafe. At the time, she had thought that she was safe. Little did she know how wrong she had been. That fateful night had changed everything; threw her life upside down and destroyed everything she held dear.

Taking another deep breath to prepare herself, Reia takes her first steps into what feels like total darkness compared to the comforting brightness of the library.

Her mind may be ridden with anxiety now, but even before enduring enough trauma to last her a lifetime, maybe two, she had always hated the dark. For as long as she can remember, she has had a tendency to see danger lurking in the shadows surrounding her. As a child, she even had a little light to chase away the worst of the darkness. When it ran out of batteries one night, it had been almost impossible for her parents to calm her down again. She ended up staying with them in their room that night. It’s such a distant memory now.

She tenses when she steps on something, finding only a pebble when she lifts her foot to check. She exhales and mutters “It’s literally just a piece of rock. What were you expecting?”

She honestly doesn’t know what exactly she was expecting, but it was definitely worse than a mere pebble.

One of the street lanterns ahead is defective, leaving a dark patch in the sea of light. There’s still more than enough light to see, but Reia still tightens her grip on the strap of her bag, which she has been clutching the whole time. Her mind is already running through different scenarios, mostly going over old ones she had tried to bury. She should know better than to stay somewhere past sunset.

When she enters the bubble of darkness surrounding the defective street lantern, she swears she hears a twig snap behind her. She glances over her shoulder. Her eyes widen. A silhouette.

Someone is following her!

After her initial moment of stupor, Reia wastes not a single second and starts sprinting.

She doesn’t have a clear goal in mind other than to get away, even though she had mentally planned out a course of action earlier. She can feel her heartbeat pounding in her head. No sound exists beyond the blood rushing through her veins. Her legs burn and so do her airways, but she doesn’t dare slow down.

She doesn’t look over her shoulder, afraid of what might happen if she does. She can’t afford to slow down or stumble and fall. She has to keep going!

Reia skits to a halt at a familiar building. She doesn’t waste any time getting inside. The bell rings.

“Welcome- Reia…?” Shin’s tone immediately shifts from the polite but flat customer service voice to one laced with confusion and a hint of concern.

“Just… let me hide.” She manages to say between rapid breaths. Panic or exertion, she doesn’t know.

Shin doesn’t react immediately, but it doesn’t take long for him to tell her “Go to the back. I’ll be right with you.”

She manages to nod, making her way to the back as fast as possible with the consequences of her physical exertion catching up to her. She doesn’t even sit down on the bench, instead putting her back to the lockers and sliding down, as she has done so often in the past. A habit, she assumes.

She wraps her arms around her legs, pulling her knees close to her chest and resting her forehead on them, making herself as small as possible. The acidification of her muscles is fully setting in now. Her breathing is still fast, no matter how much she tries to force it to slow to make as little noise as possible.

Although her heartbeat is still loud, she overhears Shin talking to someone. Is it him? Has he found her? Is he going to hurt Shin? Why did she lead him here?! If something happens it will be all her fault!

The talking stops and not long after, the door to the back opens. The footsteps stop for a moment “Some customers just came in.”

It’s Shin’s voice. The worst of her racing thoughts calms a little. She dares to release the breath she was holding.

He doesn’t say anything after that and she doesn’t lift her head yet either, instead directing her focus to calming her breathing. She feels something hit the lockers and knows he’s there while she tries to gather her bearings.

When she eventually feels collected enough – she has no idea how much time has passed – she quickly wipes her tears, although there’s no erasing the redness of her eyes. Then she slowly lifts her head, finding it’s already hurting. There’s movement in the corners of her eyes and, after a second of processing, she recognizes the paper cup in Shin’s hand.

She finds herself smiling through her tears a little, clutching the cup in her hands after taking it from Shin. She hadn’t realized how much her hands are shaking – not just her hands, but her entire body. She quickly averts her gaze so he doesn’t see the fresh tears gathering in her eyes, the emotions getting to her.

He doesn’t say anything yet and she can’t quite bringing herself to either. She takes a sip of the water, followed by a deep breath.

There’s no talking herself out of this, isn’t it? There is no way to explain away her running into the store late in the evening, exhausted and obviously panicked. She must seem crazy to him…

She had hoped to not have to tell anyone about the recent past… Most people don’t care about it anyways. They just… brush her off and tell her to get over it. That it wasn’t so bad and she’s just overreacting.

It hits her that she has grown quite fond of Shin, realizing that it would hurt her if he turns out to be like everyone else. She hadn’t intended to get so close, even if she wanted to get to know him. He’s only her coworker after all. She doesn’t want to dump her trauma on him. He will probably think she’s overreacting too…

Her anxious thoughts make way for a memory, a positive one this time. She recalls his awkward kindness when she explained her nightmares to him. Then there was the situation with her bracelet. Even she considers herself overly attached to it, but Shin hadn’t seem fazed. His genuine kindness, while usually not on full display, has been a pattern in their interactions. Maybe, just maybe, he will respond with empathy rather than dismissal. After all, isn’t he looking after her now? Without even having any explanation for her erratic behaviour?

“It’s… a bit late to come bursting in.” Shin starts the conversation, talking slowly as if he’s considering every word before he he says it.

“It is.” She agrees, glad to find herself able to speak properly despite the occasional sob “I apologize for that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She can’t see his expression, but he must be frowning “Reia, you don’t seem to be okay…”

“Astute observation.” She tries to joke, but it falls flat. She sighs “It’s a long story.”

“People don’t really come in at this hour. I have time.” He pauses, before adding “I know we said ‘no deepest, darkest secrets’, but…”

She’s acting far too weird to not explain anything? She owes him?

She glances up at him for a moment, afraid of what she might find in her expression. However, rather than indifference or disgust… she finds concern.

She looks away again, but starts gathering her words.

“I didn’t move to this city recently for no reason…”

Of course, Shin would have no idea that she lived somewhere else before, but it seems like a good way to begin her explanation. He stays silent, not interrupting with comments or questions. That gives her the courage to keep going.

“I moved because I was being stalked.” When the admission leaves her lips, she feels a weight pressing on her chest. Saying the words aloud always makes her feel worse “I tried to pursue legal action first, but my case was dismissed because he hadn’t been violent yet. I was desperate and running out of options, so I uprooted my entire life and left hoping he couldn’t find me again.” She takes a shaky breath “I… I don’t know if it was him, a stranger or even just a figment of my imagination, but I thought I was being followed on my way home.”

Shin speaks up now “So you came here?”

“I thought it would be better than going to my apartment straight away, so he wouldn’t know where I lived. But now I might have led him straight to my place of work.” She tightens her grip on the paper cup “He showed up at my work last year…” She frowns “I’m sorry for potentially putting you in danger.”

He doesn’t respond right away, but then sighs “Seriously, worry about yourself first in a situation like this.”

“Huh?”

“To your stalker, I’m just some random employee of a store. You’re his target.” Shin scoffs, though it doesn’t seem malicious “I’m in very little danger compared to you.”

That’s… true. Still, she can’t help but feel if something were to happen to Shin, it will be on her.

“Besides, the people who just came in were two women.” He sighs “Your stalker is a ‘he’. So hopefully, you might still be safe.”

“I hope you’re right…”

At the very least, her stalker didn’t enter the establishment. Besides, there’s still the very real possibility that it’s all in her head, given her trauma. Hopefully it is. That would mean that he hasn’t been able to find her and is still clueless. She would rather be considered crazy than face him again.

Shin gets up “I have to get back to work, but you can stay here longer… just to be safe.”

Right, it would be best for her to stay hidden for a little while in case it wasn’t her imagination. Otherwise she would be leading her stalker right to her apartment building. The thought alone is enough to fill her chest with anxiety.

He gives her a piece of paper “If you want, text me when you get home safe.”

Reia nods, taking the paper he scribbled his number on and carefully putting it in her pocket. Shin is about to leave when she calls out his name. When he looks back at her she says “Thank you… For looking after me and for listening.”

He seems unsure how to respond to her gratitude, blinking, before he mumbles “It’s nothing.”

It might be nothing to him, but to her it means everything. She hopes he realizes that.

Chapter Text

“There’s really nothing you can do? You can’t even check footage or anything to make sure it wasn’t him?”

Reia rests her elbows on the table while talking to the man in front of her, gritting her teeth. She clenches her fists further with every word that leaves his mouth.

“Sorry, miss Azuma, but we can’t just go around demanding footage for everyone who’s ever felt unsafe.” The police officer holds up her case file “And this so-called stalker of yours has never gotten physical or threatened your safety, so there’s not a lot we can do.”

She opens her mouth to speak, having rehearsed arguments for her case before she even decided to come here. She stops when his next words register.

“Besides, given your… mental state, it could’ve very well been nothing.”

Of course, he means that she is an unreliable witness. Everything else was just excuses, padding to soften the final blow of his accusation. The simple truth is that they don’t believe her. She mentally curses the person who put a note about how distraught she was about the stalking in her report. It’s not like she was enjoying the frequent mental breakdowns!

Her hands hurt from how tightly she clenches her fists, but she doesn’t relax them given how they’re shaking. She presses her lips together.

What had she expected coming here? No one acted when he was actively stalking her and there was plenty of evidence from both witnesses and unwanted written communication directed at her. Of course nobody would act when she wasn’t even sure if it had been him herself.

“Please document it regardless.” Reia states, forcing a calm front. She gets up “Thank you for your time. I will be on my way.”

Honestly, she doesn’t even trust them to document it. Fortunately, she has the sense to keep track of everything herself.

She would really like to wipe the smug smile from the officer’s face with her fist as he shows her the way out, but she keeps herself in check and maintains a polite façade. It’s clear that they already believe she’s hysterical without having reason to, so she shouldn’t give them one.

At least she has an appointment soon.

~*~

“So how have you been Reia? Is work good?”

Reia has her hands around the cup of coffee she was offered. She nods “Work is good. It’s not difficult and my coworkers are lovely. My boss doesn’t give me a hard time either.”

“That’s good.” Her therapist agrees.

Her therapist is an older woman, most of her hair having already turned grey and with fine lines around her eyes and mouth. Reia likes her. She makes it feel like she’s talking to a nice aunt who offers you wisdom, rather than having an overly clinical setting. Even if she is a patient, feeling like one would have definitely made it much more difficult to open up.

“Any new developments you want to discuss with me?” Her therapist asks, notebook open in front of her to write down important matters.

Reia takes a breath “Actually, there is. I… I’m not sure if it was him or not, but when I was walking home from the library – it was already dark – I thought… that my stalker was following me.”

Her therapist nods, making a note “And what happened when you thought he was following you?”

“I… I panicked.” Reia responds “I didn’t even verify if I it was actually him. I just ran. I went to the store I work at and my coworker let me hide in the back.”

“That’s very normal, especially with how recently the trauma happened.” Her therapist assures her “It sounds like your coworker was supportive.”

Reia nods “He was. I was afraid that he would dismiss it as me overreacting, but he was very kind.”

“It’s good that you have supportive people around you.” Her therapist smiles “Not having that support makes it much more difficult to process trauma. Did you get support from your friend… Ayako, right?”

“I haven’t talked to her about it.” Reia admits “I did spend time with her before then. But I don’t really feel the need to discuss it with her…”

“Talking to your coworker already helped enough?”

Reia nods, grateful that her therapist was able to put it into words “And I just hope that I was only imagining things…”

“Considering your history with your stalker, the duration of the stalking and your already existing fear of the dark, it could very well be your imagination making things up or projecting them onto a bystander.” Her therapist confirms “Our mind is very powerful. All those memories of the stalking still have so many emotions attached to them. It’s only natural that they will disturb your day to day life. You’re not going crazy. You just haven’t been able to process everything yet.” She offers a smile “But that’s why you’re here. We’re working on it.”

The words do make her feel a little better. Reia finds herself smiling back in response “I wish law enforcement understood that…”

“Are they giving you a hard time again?”

“You could say that.” Reia sighs “I went to have the experience at least documented, but they refused to do anything besides that. The reasoning boiled down to them not believing it could have been him. They probably think I’m crazy.”

“While it can be hard to do anything for this specific incident, they have really dropped the ball on your case.” Her therapist shakes her head “This is why most of them don’t become therapists. They can’t understand the life-long impact stalking has on someone. If they did, they would be acting sooner. The law allows it.”

Reia smiles at the casual dislike towards law enforcement from her therapist. It definitely feels more like talking to a friendly aunt than therapy.

“Did you want to talk about anything else?”

“I think I’ve gotten most of it off my chest. We can start now.”

“Alright, then I’ll get everything ready for a reattach session.”

Reia nods and gets comfortable in her chair. Fortunately she doesn’t have work later today.

~*~

She has a hard time falling asleep that night. She’s mentally drained from her therapy session, but despite that she’s still awake. It makes sense, considering the stressful last few days. Her nightmares have been a little more frequent too. The entire experience probably triggered them, bringing the awful memories closer to the surface.

With a sigh, Reia shifts to lie on her back instead. She stares up at the ceiling. There’s a gap left between her curtains, allowing a little light from the moon to seep into her room.

She misses him.

Well, not quite. She misses the person who he used to be. He is still alive, the only one besides her. Yet it feels like the person she once knew died in the death game. That person is probably buried alongside her old self.

If only things hadn’t played out the way they did. Maybe then she could have leaned on him, and he on her, as they navigated the struggles of returning to a world that hadn’t realized they were gone, completely changed.

But things did play out that way, which is why she is all alone at night. Alone with her nightmares, with her memories, with her pain. The old him would have insisted on endless sleepovers to help her cope with her fear of the dark, which often makes these nights so much worse. The old him would have held her and cried with her, and mourned the people they barely knew that they lost. She would have had someone to talk to about it all.

She doesn’t have the old him.

All she has are the memories. Even the good ones hurt sometimes, because it reminds her of everything she has lost.

~*~

She has an early shift the next day. It was hard to fall asleep, but eventually she managed and was even able to get the rest of the night without more nightmares. Her mind must have been too exhausted to fabricate any. She’s still tired but it’s a level of tiredness she’s used to.

When Shin comes to join her at work – parts of their shift overlap again – he looks a little paler than usual. It must be one of his bad days.

“Can you take over the register? I’m convinced I’ll have sore cheek muscles from the sheer amount of smiling I’ve been doing since I got here.” She offers the excuse, knowing him well enough by now to know that he probably wouldn’t accept her help otherwise. It’s not a very good excuse. The mornings aren’t super busy and he knows that too.

“Are you sure that’s the reason and it's not because you would like to be closer to the freezers?” Shin shoots back, but takes over the register regardless.

Well, he isn’t entirely wrong about that. The temperature has been rising again, after a short decline that she welcomed with open arms.

Instead of admitting it, she retorts “Like you wouldn’t push restocking the coolers and freezers onto me regardless of whether you were manning the register or not.”

“You love the cold. I hate the cold. There are only winners in this arrangement.” Shin shrugs, smiling.

“You must be miserable when you have to work with anyone besides me.”

“I’m sure you miss my sparkling personality too when I’m not at work.”

She hums, deciding to humour him “Sure.”

She does find herself wishing it were him instead every time she comes in for her shift and sees someone other than Shin behind the register. But he doesn’t need to know that.

While she keeps working, he suddenly asks “Reia, how have you been doing?”

She pauses. As usual, her initial instinct would be to play dumb and give him a very general response, as if he’s asking out of politeness and not genuine interest. But Shin isn’t stupid and she’s certain he knows she isn’t either. They would both know she understood what the seemingly plain question was referring to. He likely wouldn’t push it if she dodged the true question. But she wants to connect to him, to trust him. She can’t do that if she keeps brushing things off and keeping him at arm’s length.

So she admits “All things considered, I have been okay. I haven’t seen anything else, so I’m hopeful it was just my imagination.” She sighs “I have just been… a little frustrated.”

“How come?”

This has to be the first time he actually presses for her to open up more, and it throws her off for a moment. While he inquired about her the evening everything went down, that was more of a little nudge to start a conversation. This, however, is a genuine question. A gentle request to be more vulnerable with him.

She gives in.

“Just law enforcement giving me a headache. I went to them to have this incident documented just in case, and hoped they could verify if it was him or not. Instead they brushed me off, as usual.”

“It sounds like you don’t have a great history with them.” Shin observes.

“I don’t make it a secret that I’m unhappy with the way they handled my case while the stalking was actively happening.”

“They brushed you off then?”

“They did.” Reia destroys the now empty cardboard box to flatten it with a little more aggression than is necessary “I’m starting to think they’ll only start to care if he ends up killing me, considering the excuse is always that he hasn’t been physically violent yet.”

“That’s… just stupid.” Shin mutters.

Reia gives a sad smile in agreement. It’s the painful truth. All she can do is try to keep her stalker from ever finding her again, although she isn’t sure if she could find it in herself to move again.

While still hard, the decision to move the first time had been reasonable. Her life in that city had already been falling apart. She wasn’t living with her parents anymore because of university – they live in a completely different city – and then people she thought were her friends left her one by one, with a few exceptions that include Ayako and Naoki. She didn’t have many people left to care about by the time the stalking got bad enough that she just wanted to get away and start over somewhere else.

Now it’s different. She has come to like this city. Her apartment gives her a great connection to her university by train, being near the train station. Gin lives in the same city as well, allowing her to see him a little more often. Then there’s her budding friendship with Shin.

She’s not sure if she could leave it all behind again.

“You know, Shin.” She briefly waits for him to meet her gaze before she adds “Despite this whole mess, I’m glad I got to meet you.”

He blinks, halting his movements as he processes what she said. He looks away, pulling his beanie down a little.

Eventually he murmers “The feeling is mutual.”

Chapter Text

It should have been a normal day.

She had some things to do, so Reia grabbed her laptop, a cup of coffee and got comfortable on her couch. There were some emails she had to send to people, mainly her professors, so she logged into her account and opened her inbox. Nothing seems out of the ordinary at first glance, until she spots a thread of unopened emails. An unknown sender. Images attached to some of them.

Her hands freeze above her keyboard. She recognizes that pattern and it terrifies her.

Swallowing the lump that’s forming in her throat, she opens them. Her breath hitches.

It’s him.

Fortunately the pictures don’t seem to be recent ones. One was taken at her old apartment building, just as she was leaving the building to go somewhere. The other depicts her on the university campus. The last one is very old, taken when she was in middle school, of the two of them together. Maybe he hasn’t found her yet.

Most of the emails only contain one sentence.

I miss you.

Talk to me, please.

Why won’t you respond?!

Stop ignoring me!

Why did you abandon me…?

With trembling hands, Reia screenshots the emails and saves them into the folder, adding the dates. All of them were sent on the same day. Then she blocks the sender.

She wants to throw her laptop across the room, but takes a breath and closes the device before putting it away instead. She pulls her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. Her entire body is shaking. She just stares ahead at the wall.

He found her new email address.

What else can he find?

Blocking this email address won’t help her. He’ll just realize she blocked him and create a new one, repeating the cycle until she’s forced to change her contact information again. Tears gather in her eyes. A sob shakes her shoulders.

“It’s going to happen again… isn’t it?”

~*~

It doesn’t take long for Shin to catch on that something is wrong when he arrives at work, she can see it in his expression and the occasional glances he gives her when he thinks she isn’t looking. He has gotten a little too good at reading her, or maybe she has stopped bothering to hide her emotions as much around him.

Around the time during their shift when the store is at its least busy, he asks “It’s not getting any better, is it?”

“Well, it was but not anymore no.” Reia sighs, having gotten a cup of coffee from the back to get a little more caffeine in her system “Regardless of the scare I had that evening, my stalker has found my email address… He’s contacting me again…”

“That explains why you seem so stressed…” Shin mutters, looking at her even though she’s not really meeting his gaze

“Yeah… I blocked him, but I know he will just make a new email address.” She frowns “Honestly, I’m not sure what to do anymore, Shin. I feel like I’ve tried all options already. I’m just… lost.”

It’s hard to admit it, but it does help a little to get it off her chest. He likely has no idea either, but it’s nice to have support at least.

“I… I don’t know if it will help you, but… I can try to trace where the emails have been sent from.” Shin offers.

Reia looks at him now, caught off-guard by the suggestion “You can do that?”

Shin nods “I’m familiar with computers. I’ve hacked things before.”

Falling silent for a moment, Reia considers the option. While she doesn’t want to be a burden, it might be worth trying at least “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” He affirms.

“Alright then.” Reia nods “There’s no harm in trying. Maybe we can learn something.”

“Do you want to be there? It’s about you after all.”

She thinks about it. She has to admit that it might be better to have someone with her when she learns about his findings, considering it might not be something she likes. And he’s right, this is about her.

“I’d like to.” She decides.

Shin nods “Do you want to meet somewhere like the library?”

“Actually, just come to my place…” She frowns “With this happening again, I’m a little anxious about leaving my apartment.”

“Alright…”

~*~

The day neither of them have to work, Shin comes over. Reia checks multiple times that it’s him on the way before letting him in her apartment. She locks the front door behind him and checks if it’s really locked.

Considering she has only seen him at work so far, it’s a little strange to see him in a more casual setting. His attire is still ridiculously warm for the weather, but she has grown accustomed to that habit of his by now. If anything, she expected it. He’s carrying a laptop bag over her shoulder.

“You eh… have a nice view here.” He compliments, gesturing to the large window.

Her apartment is pretty high up, so the view is indeed nice, but she didn’t choose an apartment on th eleventh floor for the view. She chose it so no one could break in through the window.

“Thanks.” She says softly. She trusts Shin, but it’s still a little odd to have him in her space “Can I get you anything…?”

He hesitates for a moment. At least this new way of interacting is as awkward to him as it is to her “Do you have tea?”

“I do.” Ayako would get on her case if she didn’t have it, considering she loves it. Reia gets the water started “Tea in this weather though?”

Shin has begun setting up his laptop, taking over her kitchen table “You drink coffee in this weather.”

“Fair enough. Although that is mostly because I have a mild caffeine addiction.” It’s a very nice way of saying that she needs it to function with how horrible her sleep is due to the nightmares “Honestly, I don’t even like the coffee they have at work.”

“Really? You drink it all the time.”

“Caffeine addiction.” She reiterates before listing her tea options and having him pick one.

She places the cup of tea next to him, catching a quiet ‘thanks’. He turns his laptop towards her, so she can log into her email. She leans over, typing in her information while he politely looks away to not catch her password. She opens her own laptop, having already logged in there.

“I trust you’re not going to do any snooping, but some of my emails are confidential, so try to stay in the spam folder.”

“I won’t snoop, but you can sit next to me and watch if you want to be sure.” Shin promises.

“I’ll join you in a moment. I wanted to call a friend first, if that’s okay.”

Shin holds up his hands “It’s your home. I’ll just get to work.”

Reia gives him a small smile, before he turns to the screen and she heads to her bedroom.

While pushing the door close behind her, she takes her phone out of her pocket. It’s not hard to find Ayako in her contacts. She calls and waits for her friend to pick up. She does almost immediately.

“Reia, are you okay?”

“Not really…” She presses her lips together, clutching her upper arm with the hand that’s not holding her phone “Thanks for being available to call so soon.”

“Of course. Anytime. When I saw your text this morning, I knew you needed me.” Ayako sighs on the other end of the line “I figured he’d probably come back at some point, with how useless the cops were. I’d just hoped that maybe he wouldn’t.”

“Me too.” Reia agrees “I’m just… really afraid right now.”

“Of course you are! That’s totally normal. I have to admit I’m worried too, so is Naoki… Do you want us to come visit you soon? Maybe have a sleepover so you won’t be alone for a bit?”

“That might be nice, actually.”

“Then we’ll plan something. Are you safe right now?”

“I am. I’m currently at home. Shin is with me.”

“Shin?”

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve mentioned his name before. He’s my coworker.” Reia bites her lip “He’s trying to see if we can learn anything from the emails.”

If the circumstances hadn’t been like this, Ayako would have teased her a bit about it. Now she just exhales “I’m glad someone’s helping you. I hope you can figure something out that can help you. He seems nice.”

“Yeah.” Reia agrees. She closes her eyes, furrowing her brows “You know, sometimes I wish I had done things differently. Maybe if I’d been stronger… this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Rei, don’t blame yourself. I may not know what exactly happened between you two – and I understand you don’t want to talk about it – but I know you. You wouldn’t cut someone off without good reason. None of this is your fault.”

Reia sighs “Thanks, Ayako.”

“No problem. Do you want me to stay on the other end?”

“No, I think I’m going to join Shin now. It was good to get things off my chest. Thank you.”

“Anytime. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you need another call. And if you want… please keep me in the know. I’m… I’m worried.”

“I will. Then I’ll text you to make plans later.”

“Sounds good. Hang in there, Rei.”

With another ‘thank you’ and a goodbye, Reia ends the call. She remains standing there for a moment, then wipes away the tears and heads back. She notices her bedroom door didn’t close completely. She must have been a little too distraught to register that she didn’t hear anything when she tried to push it shut.

Well, what’s done is done. She has more important things to worry about than whether or not Shin overheard one side of her conversation with Ayako.

He might not have because when Reia returns to the living room, he seems too focused on the task at hand to even register her return, only looking up for a moment when she pulls up a chair next to him. She has a hard time reading his expression and wonders if he will say anything, but then he just smiles at her when she sits down. She smiles back and he takes that as his cue to get back to the task at hand. Honestly, she’s glad he doesn’t mention her red eyes. While she has told him a lot and she knows that he knows she’s not feeling well at all, she doesn’t need to have it brought up all the time.

She grabbed a book to read while he worked, but she has a hard time focusing on the actual words on the page. There’s too much on her mind. Fortunately, her thoughts don’t get the opportunity to wander far. Shin’s almost constant typing fills the normally quiet space and keeps her mostly grounded in reality. She had never noticed just how quiet her apartment is when it’s just her, considering she got used to it after moving out a few years ago. It’s surprisingly nice to just have company, even if they’re not directly interacting.

After a while she gives up on reading, knowing that she will only lose track of the story if she tries to push it, instead grabbing one of the journals she exchanges with Naoki. Both of them like to stay up to date on research in the field, so they each have a subscription to a different journal and occasionally exchange them. Of course, she could access the digital version through her university, but the paper versions are just so much nicer. She has no good reason for this besides just liking the physical form for reading. She skims through the articles, mainly going over the parts that were already highlighted. While she’s not going to register all of it, it doesn’t matter as much if she loses track of a few things. She will probably remember enough to know that an article exists, so she can always go back and find it again should she need it.

That combined with Shin’s typing actually distracts her enough from everything else to feel somewhat normal for a moment. So when he stops, it takes her a moment but she does notice.

He doesn’t say anything, just looking at the screen, so after waiting for a little Reia asks “Is everything okay?”

That seems to snap him out of it “Oh, yeah. I was just… thinking.”

The pause has her suspect there’s something more going on, but she doesn’t push it. Based on what she knows about Shin so far, pushing things would probably make him close up even more.

“I managed to track where the emails were sent from. It’s not really helpful… They were sent from the library in the city and anyone can access that.”

She tunes out everything after that, finding herself in some kind of daze. He is in this very city. He went to the library she often visits. He knows where it is. It might have actually been him that followed her after all. Even if he doesn’t know where she lives yet, it’s only a matter of time before he figures that out too.

It’s so hopeless. So, so hopeless.

A tear rolls down her cheek

“Reia…?”

Shin saying her name snaps her out of her daze, simultaneously opening the floodgates as more tears follow the first one.

“I thought I could run from him.” She clenches her fists in her lap “That maybe, even though I can never feel safe, I could at least be safe. But…”

She doesn’t know why she does it, but in her moment of vulnerability and pure fear, she puts her head on Shin’s shoulder as the tears keep coming. She just cries. It’s not the panicked crying she’s familiar with, the one that comes on suddenly and leaves her completely drained physically and mentally. It’s silent tears broken by the occasional sob, pain felt deep inside her soul. They’re tears of mourning. Not just the person she thought she knew and the life she lost, but the knowledge that the life she was starting to build is now slipping through her fingers like sand. She already lost everything once, now she’s losing all of it again.

It hurts…

She has never felt so utterly lost before. Even when the worst of the stalking was actively happening, she was in survival mode, pursuing all her options and planning out every course of action. Of course she cried too during that time, more often than she would like to admit, but eventually she ran out of tears to shed. All she could do back then was keep going.

“I… I don’t know what to do anymore.” She admits, her voice breaking.

She feels Shin’s hand on her back, at first to give a few awkward pats, but then it just stays there while she cries. He says softly “I’m sorry…”

She doesn’t react to his apology, unsure what he’s even apologizing for. She just cries, letting out the pain, the grief, the anguish that she has been carrying with her for so long. He is with her as she feels all of the hurt all over again until it slowly subsides. When it does, she doesn’t move and Shin doesn’t withdraw his hand either. It feels like he’s the only thing keeping her here and she fears that if she lets go, she’ll crumble completely.

“There’s… one more thing we can try.” Shin offers when she has calmed down a little. He sounds tense “I know someone I can ask for suggestions.”

She manages to nod and, with some effort, whispers “Okay.”

Her voice sounds strained, tired, broken, even to her own ears.

Like she has lost all hope already.

She can feel Shin shift as he grabs his phone and dials a number. He holds the device up to his ear “Keiji, it’s me, Sou. No, don’t ask why I still have your number. I really want nothing to do with you.” He speaks through gritted teeth, his grip on Reia just a little tighter than it was before “But I need to see you. I… there’s someone who needs help.”

After that begrudging admission, there’s a pause and Shin just spits out a ‘fine’ before hanging up, pressing the button to end the call a little harsher than necessary.

He puts his phone on the table and takes a few deep breaths before addressing her “My… acquitance,” he speaks the word with venom, “agreed to talk to us.” He takes another breath and finally seems to calm down again “We’ll do what we can.”

She nods again, not really believing that anything will change anymore, but if he still has some hope, she will try to hold onto that as well.

His next words are so quiet she barely hears them.

“I’m not giving up. You’re not alone…”

Chapter Text

The day they’re going to meet Shin’s ‘acquitance’, Keiji, Reia and Shin meet at the train station. While Keiji doesn’t live very far away, the distance is enough to make the train the most viable option. They spend most of the ride in silence, sitting side by side. Reia has one earbud in to listen to some music, though she can’t really focus on any of the lyrics. She offered the other one to Shin so they could listen together, but he declined.

She left one out though, which is why she can hear him when he asks her how she’s feeling. It is a little out of the blue, especially considering they didn’t exchange many words before.

She pauses her song and takes out her remaining earbud “I’m not sure… Mostly just tired.”

Her sleeping habits were already pretty awful, but they’ve gotten so much worse. She finds herself stalling when she goes to sleep, afraid of what will await her. She’s convinced the only reason she still manages to function is because of coffee. She drinks a little too much of it nowadays. That can’t be good for her.

Yet she doesn’t fail to notice the subtle tension in Shin’s voice every time he mentions Keiji, or the way he has been clenching his fists in his lap for the duration of the train ride.

“I’m constantly afraid when I’m out in public. I’m still feeling a little lost.” She goes on to admit, pausing between every admission. She looks at him “I’m worried about you.”

His eyes widen slightly. He tries to brush it off “You should worry about yourself…”

Reia sighs. And here she thought she could be stubborn in regards to vulnerability. If she’s a locked door, Shin is a vault of which the combinations have been forgotten.

“I am. But I’m also worried about you... for different reasons.” She furrows her brows “Every time this Keiji is mentioned, you get very tense, almost hostile. I don’t want you to put yourself in situation that makes you feel that way for my sake.”

His body stiffens and he presses his lips together.

“I’m sorry.” She immediately feels the guilt creeping in upon seeing his reaction “I shouldn’t have pushed it.” She bites her lip. He just seems so hurt.

Shin exhales before saying “It’s not your fault.” He frowns “You’re right. I don’t like Keiji. It’s…” For a moment it seems like he’s just going to brush her off again, but he relents “It’s a long story. I’d rather not talk about it right now.”

“Alright.” She mumbles “Are you going to be okay?”

“Okay enough, though I might get agitated around him.”

That’s to be expected, considering how agitated he has already been even when mentioning him. She appreciates the heads up though.

It doesn’t take long after that before the train reaches their destination.

~*~

By the time Shin rings the doorbell, a frown seems to be permanently etched on his face. Reia finds herself having a hard time even thinking of what she could say to him, worried anything could set him off at this point. Despite what he told her earlier, she has never seen this side of him before and she has to admit that it makes her a little uneasy. Not necessarily because he might hurt her – she doubts it, although you never know for sure – but because she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

She just clutches the strap of her shoulder bag and stands there, waiting for this Keiji to open the door.

She didn’t know what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t a man with bleached hair and a worse sleep schedule than her, if dark circles are anything to go on. Yet here he is, opening the door.

“Ah, Sou.” While not necessarily as agitated as Shin has been, Keiji’s greeting isn’t the most friendly either. They must have a complicated history. Keiji’s eyes land on her “I didn’t know you were bringing this someone with you?”

“Must have slipped my mind.” Shin responds casually, though the tone of his voice implies it wasn’t an accident.

“My name is Reia Azuma. Eh… thank you for making time?” She’s unsure of what to do, though she does somewhat awkwardly shake Keiji’s hand when he holds it out.

“Keiji Shinogi. I used to work as a police officer.”

That explains why Shin asked him for help. She withdraws her hand, returning it to clutch her bag again, and notices Shin is still glaring daggers at Keiji. Somehow she feels like she shouldn’t be there.

“This must be the person who needed my help?” Keiji directs the question at Shin, who begrudgingly confirms it “She’s a friend of yours?”

“Yeah.” Shin mutters. Either she has recently been promoted from coworker to friend, or this is just the best way to explain their relationship, which is definitely not just coworkers anymore. She kind of hopes the former.

Keiji invites them in. This place seems to be his home, but it’s rather… empty. The colours are rather plain and there’s very little decoration that would indicate anything about him or his hobbies. There’s one sad potted plant on the table that looks like it has already given up on life and Reia resists the urge to go water it.

Shin refuses to sit down at the table at first, although he does relent eventually when Reia looks over at him for a moment, taking the chair next to her. He crosses his arms and almost disappears into his scarf.

“I’ll cut to the chase, what can I help you with, Reia?” Keiji is sitting across from her, allowing him to look at her while ignoring the glare Shin has aimed at him.

“I…” She takes a deep breath “Someone is stalking me. It started a little over a year ago and lasted until I moved a few months ago for the sole purpose of escaping him. I also changed all my contact information.”

“But now your stalker has found you again?” Keiji deduces.

Reia nods, now feeling Shin’s gaze rest on her instead. When she glances at him, she doesn’t find a glare, just a sad frown. She tries to smile at him before she returns her focus to explaining her case to Keiji “I received emails from him, so at the very least he has found my new email address. Shin helped me trace them and found that they were sent from the library that’s not far from where I live. Even if he doesn’t seem to have my address yet, I’m worried that he has already figured out an approximate location.”

“I assume you’ve already tried law enforcement?”

She nods again, unzipping her bag to take out the stacks of paper held together by staples, all carefully labeled “I’ve been compiling all evidence over the months. This is the timeline of the stalking, including dates and, if applicable, locations and time of all his attempts to contact me. These are all the emails, many of which contain pictures of me living my day to day life, taken without my knowledge or consent. Then there’s screenshots of texts, call logs…”

She can tell there’s less weight on her shoulder from emptying most of her bag. It did startle her a little to see just how much she has accumulated over the months of stalking. After printing everything, she had to mentally apologize to the trees. If she had known it were this bad beforehand, she would have just gotten a cheap USB.

Keiji whistles “You’re a detective’s dream.”

Obviously she knows how to organize and keep track of things… She’s a chemist. If she didn’t label her samples properly something could go very wrong very easily.

“Then why has no one been listening to her?” Shin bites back.

“Hard to say when I don’t know the details of the case yet. But I have more than enough to look over.” Keiji responds, quickly glancing over what he has in front of him. He looks at Reia “Do you know the identity of your stalker? And any idea about motivation.”

“I do… We… we were friends since middle school.” Reia bites her lip “But we had a massive falling out and I tried to cut contact with him, so he began stalking me… His name is Natsuo Yamane. Last time we spoke, he was going to college for photography.”

Keiji nods and scribbles that bit of information on an empty space on one of her documents. She cringes a little at how unorganized that is. Her professors would have her head if she kept her lab journal like that. And she even included a document with what she knows, or rather knew, about Natsuo…

“So…?” Shin presses.

Keiji stays surprisingly calm despite Shin’s hostility “I’m going to look everything over and see what can be done. Should I contact you when I have news?”

The question is directed at Reia and while so far Keiji has been helpful, she’s not entirely fond of the idea of giving out her contact information to practically a stranger. She has to keep it from somehow getting back to Natsuo, so it’s better to limit the number of people who have the information. Shin was more of an exception when she texted him to let him know she got home safe – something she has been doing almost every time she has a shift. It’s comforting to have someone relatively nearby who can act should something happen, so she texts him when she leaves work and when she gets home.

Shin seems to catch onto her discomfort because he huffs “Just contact me. I’ll let her know.”

“Okay. Then I’ll contact you, Sou.”

The way Keiji emphasizes the name 'Sou' has Reia believe it is at least partly meant for her to catch on. She almost feels offended. She’s not stupid, of course she noticed that Keiji uses a different name. And she may not have registered it in the moment because of how out of it she felt, but she also noticed that during the initial phone call Shin refered to himself as Sou. It’s not very hard to put together that for some reason, he uses a different name for one of them. And considering Shin is on his name tag and at least their workplace requires proof of identity, that seems to at least be his legal name.

She just has more important matters to worry about that Shin’s name habits. She’ll ask about that later.

“Then we’re done.” Shin states and gets up, making his way to the exit. He only pauses and looks back to wait for her.

“Thank you for your time.” Reia gets up to follow Shin “I… I hope you can find anything.”

“I’ll do my best.” Keiji says a little too casually “I think you should go with Sou before he gets really antsy.”

Reia just nods, following Shin out the door. Keiji doesn’t come along, so they just shut it behind them. When she glances at Shin as they walk away, she finds his hands shoved in his pockets and a frown etched into his face.

She doesn’t know what exactly happened between him and Keiji, but the wounds clearly run deep. And then there’s the whole name debacle…

She should try to talk to him when she has the opportunity.

Chapter Text

At some point, while they’re still waiting to hear from Keiji, Shin visits her again. Considering Reia’s anxiety surrounding everything, it’s nice to have company. Ayako and Naoki visited her a few days ago too, where she filled them in on everything.

She just finished preparing a cup of tea, having picked up Shin’s prefered kind rather than just having him pick from Ayako’s collection, and approaches to sit across from him. He doesn’t look at her. In fact, he seems to be looking at nothing, just staring at the table completely zoned out.

She pauses. What if she startles him? Should she wait for him to return to the present? Call out his name?

She is still weighing her options when she notices his eyes, while still distant, are starting to glinster.

“Shin…” She says softly.

That seems to snap him back and he blinks, whether to ground himself or to blinks away his tears she doesn’t know. Then he looks up at her “Ah sorry. I must’ve been zoning out.”

“Yeah…” She agrees, deciding against mentioning that he looked like he was on the verge of tears. She doesn’t want to push him. She sits down across from him, putting the cups down on the table.

She feels a little guilty. She has been so occupied with her own issues that she only realized that Shin doesn’t seem to be okay either the day they visited Keiji. The absolutely resentment Shin appears to hold towards the ex-detective, the pure bitterness in their interactions, seemed so out of character. If it hadn’t been for the care for her well-being he still expressed, she would have thought he suddenly became a different person.

Of course, there were always little signs that he isn’t completely fine and has things he struggles with. Especially the utter confusion and even distrust at her little acts of kindness towards him should have given that away. Then there’s the zoning out, the insistence that she should worry about herself first.

He must be fighting his own demons.

“Is everything okay?” Shin asks.

“Oh, yeah. Everything’s alright.” Reia responds with a small nod “I was just thinking…”

This is a good time to ask about the name thing and perhaps even his entire attitude towards Keiji, although she doesn’t want to push her luck too much. But how does one broach such a topic? If she isn’t tactful, it will probably only make him close off.

“If you aren’t thinking about the stalking, you’re thinking about the way I interact with Keiji, aren’t you?” Shin mutters.

“Am I that obvious?”

He shrugs “A little, but so am I in my dislike for him.”

“I was thinking about it.” Reia admits, wrapping her hands around her mug “I know you said that it’s a long story and I can understand not wanting to talk about certain… memories. So I don’t want to push it.” She furrows her brows “But it’s been on my mind.”

“Can’t say I blame you for it.” Shin sighs “It’s a very long story.”

“I have the time.”

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“I… I think I would. You’d be surprised.”

Shin shakes his head, turning away from her “I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t.”

“Shin-”

He sharply cuts her off “We were trapped in some messed up death game together, okay?!”

She’s not sure what startles her more, the revelation itself or the way he suddenly raises his voice, but she freezes, going completely rigid where she’s sitting at the table. Her eyes are wide. Her breathing hitches.

He looks away, shaking his head “I knew it.”

He gets up, seemingly to leave, and that’s what shakes her out of her stupor. She knows what it’s like to feel isolated. She knows the burden of carrying that secret. She can’t let him feel that way forever-

She grabs his hand “No, I believe you.”

“You don’t-”

“I went through one myself.” She cuts him off this time, tears starting to gather in her eyes.

It’s his turn to be frozen in shock. Then he breaks the silence with nervous laughter “You’re joking. This has to be a trick.”

“It’s not-”

“No. No, you’re just messing with me. Trying to get me to break. It’s not funny.”

“Shin-”

“No, cut the crap, Reia. Just drop the act and-”

Something inside her snaps. She slams her hands down on her table “I’m so sick of everybody dismissing me!”

She can handle being ignored by law enforcement. She could handle friend abandoning her because ‘she changed’ and things became difficult. She could even handle her own parents dismissing her trauma and constant flashbacks. But for some reason, Shin trying to accuse her of making it up is what sends her over the edge. She values him. She trusts him. And above all…

He should know what it feels like.

And yet he’s doing it to her.

She gets up abruptly, holding up her wrist and pointing at it “Do you know why I have this? Do you know why it matters so much to me?” She grits her teeth “I looked after a child. These twisted jerks put a child in a death game! She made this. Want to know what happened to her? She died! She died because I was too pathetic to save her!”

Her breathing is heavy by the time she finishes her rant and Shin doesn’t say anything, just staring at her with wide eyes. She feels drained. She’s definitely crying at this point. It’s like all the emotions from the memories that she has been bottling up for months suddenly come bursting out.

She sits back down, putting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. When she speaks up, her voice is quiet, fragile “Just leave…”

It's all too much.

Much more quietly she adds “Everyone does…”

That’s right. With very few exceptions, everyone abandons her when they realize just how deep her wounds run, just how bad the scars on her soul are. Why did she expect this time to be any different? She’s such a fool. This was stupid. So, so stupid.

He places a hand on her shoulder “Reia…”

She freezes for a moment, before moving her head just enough to look at him, meeting his teary eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t dismiss you because I think you’re lying…” He pauses, hesitates, but then pushes through “I… I didn’t want to believe you.”

“Why?” She asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“I don’t know…” Shin admits, frowning “Because I’m far too messed up? Because I don’t deserve understanding? Because you don’t deserve to go through that? I don’t know.”

“Nobody deserves to go through that.”

“Yeah.” He agrees.

Reia isn’t sure who initiates it, but she finds herself holding onto Shin while he has his arms wrapped around her. She rests her head against his chest, trying not to clutch him too tightly given how fragile he is. He holds her tightly, or at least what must be tightly for him. It’s comforting. It feels safe.

She deeply missed Natsuo and grieved the friend she knew during her months spent in what almost felt like isolation, the death game weighing heavy on her. She had missed him because he was the only one who could possibly understand, at least she thought he was. It turns out she was wrong. Somehow, life drew her to someone else who knows the pain she wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

Despite everything, despite how hard it has been, she feels a little less alone.

Their drinks must have gone cold by the time they pull away from each other, but it doesn’t even cross her mind.

“Maybe we should move to the couch. I fear that I will ruin what little remains of your posture like this.” She tries to joke, managing a smile.

Shin agrees with a nod and offers a hand to help her up. It’s barely help – she doesn’t even use it out of fear she’ll knock him over – but the gesture is sweet.

When they sit down, Reia rubs the side of her head. She already knows that the ache is going to last the rest of the day.

“How long ago did it happen to you?” She decides to start with one of the more basic questions, not wanting to immediately dig deep into the trauma.

“A little over a year ago.” Shin mumbles “I was on my way to a job at a convenience store when I got kidnapped.” He sees her expression and adds “A different one. I am never working in a bad part of town again…”

“That’s understandable. It’s about that long ago for me too.” Reia takes a deep breath. Apparently they are already digging into trauma after all “The person who’s now stalking me, Natsuo… we were friends around that time. We had gone to a cafe to spend time together since going to different colleges. It was dark when we left, so he insisted on walking me home. Because I’m not fond of the dark.” She frowns “We were kidnapped on our way.”

She vividly remembers waking up in that horrible room, strapped to what might as well have been a slab of concrete but was actually a bed of some kind. She had barely been calm enough to find the key in her pocket and figure out a way to free him too…

“I’m guessing the death game ended up being your falling out?” Shin asks.

Reia nods “We had a very strong bond before then, but… what happened broke us.”

After a moment, Shin admits “Keiji and I don’t get along because of events that happened during the death game too.”

He doesn’t continue, even after she gives him a minute to collect his thoughts. It seems she should take the initiative of lowering her walls and opening up before he can find it in himself to do the same.

“Considering how similar everything is so far, are you familiar with the main game and the roles?”

Shin nods “Keymaster, sacrifice, sage and… commoner.” He clenches his fists slightly at the mention of the last role.

Reia decides to ignore the subtle action and continue, taking a deep breath “We lost someone during the second trial, so everyone was quite anxious to start with, especially once the roles were revealed. I was glad to have picked up a commoner card.” She presses her lips together “However, that didn’t protect me. I was one of the people selected in the preliminary vote. When they started discussing voting for me, I… I panicked and blanked when I should’ve come up with a defence. It was easy for Natsuo to make his plea – offering his life in exchange for my safety. We ran out of time… so he succeeded.”

“But he had the sacrifice.” Shin softly fills in when a sob escapes her again.

Reia nods, wiping a few tears ago “Unsurprisingly, he chose to save me. Even though I barely knew them, I had to watch so many people die in varying horrible ways… I just couldn’t take it…” She clenches her fist “I couldn’t bear facing him again.”

It had been easy to blame Natsuo for it all, considering she was far too distraught after everything to think clearly. It wasn’t his fault, but she only realized that when he had already turned into someone she didn’t recognize.

If only she had been a little stronger, maybe he wouldn’t have gone down that path.

“I thought I had lost the one person who could possibly understand.” She admits.

And while she did lose the person who was with her through it all, she has found someone who can understand. Of course she would rather have a situation where Shin hadn’t gone through a death game, but she can’t change what happened, so she’s glad she found him.

After another beat of silence, Shin speaks up “I cut contact with the other survivors too. Including me… there’s four of us, but I haven’t talked to them since escaping. Well, except Keiji now. A lot led up to it…”

He falls silent again for a moment. Reia doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to find the strength to talk about it. She just places her hand next to his, not wanting to intrude on his space but still hoping that he knows she’s there for him like he has been for her.

Shin takes a deep breath “It started with my first trial. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen sheets with names and percentages…” Reia shakes her head “The percentages, they were everyone’s odds of surviving the death game, calculated using AI. I was dead last… zero percent. Fearing for my life… I broke… I became Sou Hiyori.”

He reaches out to grip her hand, still keeping his head low and his gaze averted. It’s clearly taking a lot out of him to recount the events, so she just listens.

“Honestly, I was awful…” He admits quietly “Lying, betraying people, manipulating them… I did it. So of course the others hated me. There was only one person who believed in me. Her name was Kanna.” His voice is starting to break “The second main game it was me or her. I tried to convince them…” He pauses, then he tightens his grip on her hand and whispers “They killed her instead.”

Reia’s heart breaks at the confession, especially as Shin quickly wipes away a few silent tears. Unsure of what else to do, she places her free hand over the hand that’s still gripping hers. He’s still not looking at her.

“It’s hard,” She finally says, speaking quietly as if her voice alone would be enough to break him, “trying to live while constantly being reminded of people you failed to save.”

Shin just nods, then he says “I understand if you see me differently now…”

“Shin…”

Reia frowns. It seems that, despite all his hatred towards Keiji and likely the other two survivors too, he’s not the person Shin hates the most. It’s himself.

Even knowing what she knows now and having seen how hostile he can be towards the people he feels wronged him, she can’t even phantom hating him. Thus she says “I don’t hate you. I may only know the current version of you… but I think you’re a good person.”

He meets her gaze now “I’m not.”

“Maybe.” Reia makes sure to maintain eye contact “But I believe you are. And sometimes good people do terrible things when circumstances force them to.”

Just like Natsuo was forced to deceive everyone, even Reia, if he wanted to live. That wasn’t his fault, even if his later actions were. The only ones to blame are the people who would dare put anyone in such a horrible situation.

Although he doesn’t seem convinced yet, Shin doesn’t argue, just says “I’m glad I met you…”

Despite her eyes still stinging with tears, Reia manages a smile “Likewise.”

Chapter Text

Days later, Reia is busy setting up her laptop for the video call when Shin suddenly inquires “I realized, you never asked why Keiji calls me ‘Sou’.”

“I had a lot on my mind.” She simply responds “But I could make some reasonable assumptions. To be frank, I was a little offended when Keiji emphasized the name, as if I hadn’t noticed.” She sighs “Just how dense does he think I am?”

“Yeah, that’s stupid. You seem smart.” Shin agrees “I was just surprised you hadn’t brought it up the first time.”

“Clearly you’re the one who knows me better.” Reia smiles briefly, then it falters “Besides, you seem to be the kind of person where pushing for answers would likely make you shut down instead.”

“You’re right.” Shin raises an eyebrow “You’re good with people, Reia.”

She shakes her head “Merely observant. I had absolutely no social skills when I was younger. I developed them by observing.”

That combined with basic human decency goes a long way.

She looks at him “But regarding the topic… do you want me to address you as Sou too?”

He seems to consider it for a moment, furrowing his brow, but then shakes his head “No. The person I was during the death game… I don’t want to go back to being him.” The next sentence is softer “I like being Shin with you.”

“Shin it is then.” She agrees, smiling to herself when he says the last part. It feels like a genuine admission of trust.

They manage to wrap up their small exchange before the call comes in. Reia accepts it, being the one positioned in front of the laptop while Shin is next to her. On the other side of the screen appears Keiji. He casually greets them.

“Are you in Reia’s home?” He asks after the initial greeting.

“How do you know?” Shin scowls.

Keiji holds up his hands in defence “Based on the decorations, it seemed like a woman’s living space.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t ask that sort of stuff when someone’s being stalked. Are you trying to make the stress worse or something?”

While Shin is harsh, he isn’t entirely wrong. Even though it wasn’t an unreasonable assumption, the idea of Keiji possibly having figured out where she lives is enough to fuel Reia’s anxiety. The uncomfortable feeling in her chest that set in at the question still hasn’t settled. Honestly, she appreciates him standing up for her. She doesn’t think she would have it in her to do so herself.

“Apologies. Don’t mind your friendly policeman.” Keiji says before asking “So how have you been holding up? Any more news on the stalker?”

“Fortunately he hasn’t made attempts to contact me again so far…” Reia responds, unsure if it’s actually fortunate. It could also mean that he’s too busy trying to figure out where she lives to contact her.

She then casts a glance at Shin, who looks back. He seems to understand what she’s silently asking, because he nods.

“There’s something else we figured out though.”

Keiji looks between the two of them “Oh?”

Shin beats her to answering “We were not the only ones put in a death game, Keiji. With how similar everything Reia told me about was to… ours, I think it was probably Asunaro too.”

“Though mine already ended after the first main game.” Reia adds softly, looking down “We escaped after Natsuo got the sacrifice…”

Keiji manages to keep his expression fairly neutral “I see.”

“Is that really all you have to say?” Shin scoffs.

“Well, you just dropped this information on me. Though I have been thinking about something sort of related to our game. Reia, do you know Gin Ibushi by any chance?”

“Gin? He practically grew up with me in his life, since our parents were friends.” Reia answers, a frown evident on her face. She doesn’t like where this is going.

“What does Gin have to do with any of this?” Shin asks.

“I was just curious. You wouldn’t know because you never stayed in touch with us, Sou, but Gin mentioned a ‘big sis Reia’ a few times. I was curious if it was the same person.” Keiji simply responds.

Reia’s heart sinks.

Gin. Young, hopeful Gin got pulled into a death game? Not just any death game, but the same one as Shin and Keiji? The one that managed to break Shin to the point he felt he had to take on a different identity?

It’s no wonder Gin had regressed in the progress he was previously making in counseling, becoming unable to leave the house without his outfit again, when she saw him again after her own death game…

Noticing her expression, Shin narrows his eyes at Keiji “I suggest you stop bringing up painful topics.”

“Unfortunately, I do think the death game could be relevant.” Keiji responds, seemingly unbothered by Shin’s glare “Reia, do you know anything about Asunaro?”

Forcing herself to snap out of it, she shrugs “I’ve heard of them. They’re a company that does medical research, right? I believe someone from my degree did an internship with them on drug synthesis.”

“Well, that’s the façade they maintain to the outside world at least. They actually do a lot of unethical research and deal with shady businesses.” Keiji’s expression hardens “They were behind our death game and likely yours. Have you ever made an Asunaro vow?”

Reia shakes her head “No?”

“You haven’t signed any consent forms?”

“No?”

“None of your memories seem off either?”

At this point, Reia narrows her eyes slightly “What are you getting at?”

“We were in our death game because we were tricked into signing a consent form under the guise of making the Asunaro vow. But our memories of it were tampered with.” Shin mumbles, actually offering an explanation.

“I don’t recall anything like that. Granted I may not have had the opportunity to figure this all out but…”

“Maybe you’re a case like Sara. She didn’t sign the consent form prior to the death game either.” Keiji suggests.

Something seems to click for Shin “You were kidnapped when you were with Natsuo, right? Maybe he was the one who signed the consent form and had a wish granted.”

“Maybe…” Reia mumbles. She looks at Keiji “Why is this even relevant?”

While not particularly nice, she doesn’t mind talking to Shin about all of this as much because she actually trusts him. Keiji is practically a stranger and yet he’s actively prodding in her most painful memories. Maybe telling him was a mistake…

“Let me explain. Reia, your case is incredibly solid with how thoroughly you documented everything. So the fact that you have been brushed off consistently is strange. Well, Asunaro probably has hooks in the police force.” Keiji’s expression darkens “So I’m wondering if they’re using their influence to keep Natsuo out of prison for as long as possible.”

Natsuo wouldn’t work with their kidnappers. That’s ridiculous. There’s no way-

…

Then again, she doesn’t know the new Natsuo at all, does she? The old Natsuo wouldn’t even have considered it. But the new Natsuo…

“So? What can we do?” Shin asks.

After a moment of silence, Keiji says “Not much. If they won’t even take a solid case like this, they’re not going to act until it escalates to the point they can’t cover it up anymore. The police force is very corrupt. They’ll cover it up as long as they can. I would like to help but-”

Shin cuts him off, speaking through gritted teeth “You should’ve stayed with the force then!” He throws his hands in the air “I should’ve known you’d be useless.”

He gets up, clearly frustrated, and seems to want to leave before realizing that he’s not in his own home, or somewhere else he could simply leave. Noticing this, Reia wordlessly point out her bedroom door. Despite his obvious agitation, he calms a little at her gesture. Before entering her room, he gives her a look asking for permission, only doing so when she nods.

Only when he closed the door behind him does Reia return to the conversation with Keiji “Shin’s a little harsh about it, but honestly I’m frustrated too.”

“Sorry I can’t be of much help. I myself left the force because of the rampant corruption.” Keiji shrugs “Though don’t worry about me being offended by Sou. I’ve gotten much worse from him during the death game.”

“Thank you for trying at least.”

“Of course.” Keiji nods “You know, even though I don’t like Sou, I’m glad he’s found you.”

“Huh?”

“From what I know, Sou pretty much isolated himself after cutting contact with the rest of us. We were worried about him.” Keiji explains “So I’m glad to see he found someone he cares about, which is a lot considering he was willing to contact me for you.”

Reia had figured as much, but hearing Keiji, someone Shin isn’t even on good terms with, voice just how much Shin cares for really solidifies it in her mind “I care about him too, although…” She frowns “I’m not sure how to help him, or if I even can, considering how much of a mess I am.”

“You don’t have to be anything but someone he can trust.” Keiji assures her “Us humans, we don’t do well when we’re isolated. It usually only makes the pain worse. Even though the trauma may never go away for any of us… connecting to others makes the burden a little lighter.”

That is true. The lowest point in her life was also when she was at her loneliest “I suppose you’re right.”

“Don’t put too much responsibility on your own shoulders. You don’t have to be perfect to be able to support someone.” Keiji advices “Just don’t keep your heart at a distance.”

Don’t keep your heart at a distance.

It’s an interesting line, but it rings true, doesn’t it? Reia nods “I’ll try.”

“I’ll be going then. Good luck with everything.”

Reia quietly thanks him for the well wishes before ending the call. She leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath. She can’t blame Keiji for trying to be nice, but the ‘good luck with everything’ stings after hearing there’s practically nothing she can do but wait. Wait for Natsuo to hurt her or possibly someone else.

Well, there’s one thing she can do…

Connect.

She doesn’t have to isolate herself, or just suffer in silence while waiting for everything to come crashing down. She deserves to try and make something of her messed up life at least, rather than drowning in her own pain.

She knocks on the door to announce her presence before entering, finding Shin sitting in the chair near the window, looking outside. At least, his head is turned in that direction. He could be zoning out again.

Regardless, he does look at her when she sits down on the edge of her bed across from him.

“Sorry for storming out and leaving you…” He says.

Reia shakes her head “You were overwhelmed. I’d rather have you leave to take a break from the situation than force yourself suffer through it.”

“I…” Shin cuts himself off and looks away “I wish Keiji could’ve helped you. I wish I could’ve helped you. But-”

“Shin.” She stops him from continuing, reaching out a hand that he takes “You’ve done more for me than I could’ve possibly asked for. Even if you may not see it because it’s not the help you wanted to give, you haven’t failed me.” She assures him “You being there has helped me feel less alone despite everything. Not feeling isolated… makes it possible to deal with it all, even if it still hurts.”

“I wish I could’ve done more.” He admits.

“Your support is more than enough.” Reia says softly “You are more than enough.”

Chapter Text

“You know you can still refuse if you want, right?” Reia offers, even when they’re almost at the place they’re supposed to meet each other “Neither of us will blame you if you do.”

“It’s fine, woof. I actually want to see the loner again!”

“Alright then.”

Shin’s request to meet Gin had come as a surprise, considering he cut off contact with all of his fellow survivors. However, over a year has passed, so it makes sense that some of his feelings around staying in touch with them might have changed since. And so, Reia had texted Gin, of course explaining the request clearly so he could make an informed decision. Gin hadn’t even hesitated to agree.

She hadn’t told him about her own death game. That’s a burden a child shouldn’t be carrying, especially not on top of his own trauma. Neither her nor Gin mentioned his death game either, although she’s convinced Gin probably has at least a hunch that she knows. He’s a smart kid after all.

Reia spots Shin in the distance, his back turned to them. He’s probably looking at his phone while waiting. She did sent a text when she was about to head out after all.

When they’re close, she calls out his name and he turns around, approaching to meet them halfway “Are you okay?”

Without context it may seem like a strange question, but she knows why he asks it. She nods “I mostly am now.”

Being in a public place with two people she trusts does ease her anxiety a little, even if she can’t help but look over her shoulder every now and then.

Shin nods, then turns towards Gin “Eh, hi.”

Gin, who was observing the interaction between the two adults with him, looks up at Shin “It really is the loner, meow.”

Shin know “It’s me. You… must be surprised.”

“I was, woof. You said you never wanted to see us again, so I thought I never would, meow.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Shin rubs the back of his head.

“Did you hit your head again, meow? To make you forget?”

“What? Oh, no…”

“It’s more of a figure of speech.” Reia clarifies.

“Oh.” Gin says, looking up at her for a moment before turning back to Shin “What made you want to see me, woof?”

“Well, I’ve just been… reminded of everything lately.” Shin says softly, looking down at the ground “And I met Reia, so I sort of had a connection to you again. She’s your big sis, isn’t she?”

“She is!” Gin beams.

Shin gives a small smile at Gin’s happy response “You have a cool big sis, Gin.”

“Definitely. She knows a lot of stuff, meow.”

“You guys are too nice.” Reia mumbles, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Big sis Reia, how do you know the loner, woof?” Gin suddenly turns his attention back on her.

“Well, you know I was doing the boring adult thing of working, right?” Gin nods and she continues “Shin was too, so we met at work and became friends.” That’s the very short version of a long, complicated story at least.

“Is he nice to you?”

It’s not a question Gin would normally ask her when she mentions any of her friends, so it takes her a moment to process it. But when she considers the little Shin has told her about what he went through and how he acted, it makes sense that Gin would be a little wary of him, even in a different context than the death game.

“He is.” She confirms.

If it had been any of her friends from university, she might have made a small joke that she wouldn’t stick around otherwise. But Shin is not any of her other friends. Considering how he said he understood if she saw him differently after he told her about his actions, it’s probably a painful topic that causes some insecurity.

So instead she adds “He’s been really kind and helpful towards me when I needed it most, even if he didn’t have to. I appreciate him a lot.”

Gin contemplates her words “The loner’s a little suspicious, woof.” He nods to himself “But if he’s nice to big sis Reia, I’ll accept him too, meow.”

“Thanks, Gin.” Shin says softly. Then glances at Reia, his gaze softening even more “Thanks, Reia.”

~*~

Carefully cradling two of the three drinks she just picked up at a nearby establishment with her arm, Reia slowly makes her way back to the other two. The remaining one she just holds in her other hand.

When Gin mentioned being thirsty, she took the opportunity and offered to get something for the three of them, giving him and Shin some space to talk if they want to. However, the line was shorter than she anticipated, so she wasn’t able to give them as much time as she would have liked.

She’s close when she hears Gin speak, halting her steps.

“I’m sorry about bucket girl.”

Bucket girl?

Gin does have a habit of nicknaming people, but Reia knows most of them by now. This being a nickname she doesn’t recognize must mean…

Oh.

Kanna…

The person that Shin tried to save, to the point he was willing to sacrifice himself. He mentioned that they voted for her instead, but Reia hadn’t considered ‘them’ could include Gin. Keiji had been obvious, given Shin’s attitude towards him, but Gin?

Was letting them meet each other again such a good idea?

“It wasn’t your fault, Gin… You were told to vote for her by… Sara…” Shin finally responds “But thank you.”

It sounds familiar. Reia knows she had to push the girl she took under her wing to vote during the main game, even if she didn’t tell her who to vote for. Telling someone who to vote for… it’s something Reia can’t imagine doing. The weight of that burden would be far too heavy for anybody. How did this Sara manage to carry it? Did she even manage?

While Reia is curious, the edge in Shin’s voice when he says the name is enough to convince her to never mention this person.

“I still miss muscle gorilla and suit-and-specs, meow. Do you still miss bucket girl too?”

“Every day.” A pause “Gin, do you remember the wish you made?”

“The one from the weird form, woof? I wished for my mom to have a long healthy life, meow.”

Another beat of silence “I wished to meet my sibling.”

“Did you get to meet them?”

“I did…”

“Oh… I’m sorry, meow.”

This feels like a conversation Reia shouldn’t intrude on, but also one she shouldn’t be hearing to begin with. She would have gone on a small walk to give them space but… she’s scared. The stupid fear roots her in place. She doesn’t want to be far from them.

She tries to tune out the conversation and manages to do so until Gin mentions her.

“Loner, be nice to big sis Reia. She gets sad sometimes and I don’t always know how to help, woof.”

“I’m sure you being there is enough, Gin.”

“You think so?” A pause “Then you be there for her too, meow. I can’t always be there to protect her from the sadness so you have to step up, loner, woof.”

“I’ll do my best.” She can hear the smile in Shin’s voice.

“Good!”

The conversation seems to be ending, so it appears to be a good time to approach.

“Loner, do you like big sis Reia?”

Leave it to Gin to be straight-forward and ask the questions that are on his mind.

“I… I care about her a lot…”

“That’s not what I meant, meow.”

She should probably save Shin from the questions otherwise Gin will probably keep going until he gets a satisfying answer.

She walks towards them, speaking up when she’s behind Gin “I heard my name. Are you gossiping about me, Gin?”

Gin turns around “Big sis Reia, you’re back already, woof?”

Reia smiles while passing Gin his drink “You make it sound like you want me to leave again.”

“No!” Gin shakes his head, pointing at the empty spot next to him “I want you to stay, meow.”

“I know. I was just teasing you. Don’t worry, I’m happy to stay.” Reia assures him, looking over to Shin to pass a drink to him “Shin?”

Shin was still obviously flustered from Gin’s question, and her calling his name only makes the pink on his cheeks darken. It takes him a moment to register Reia holding out a drink to him “Thanks.”

She smiles, deciding to brush off Shin’s reaction. It could just be embarrassment from being asked such a thing. She shouldn’t…

Not daring to finish the thought, Reia asks Gin “Do tell, why were you talking about me. I’m intrigued.”

“I asked the loner if he likes you but he didn’t answer, woof. Do you like the loner, big sis Reia?”

Right, she should have expected such a blunt and honest response. Yet, despite it being very normal for Gin, it catches her off-guard a little. Her own face gets a little too warm for her liking. Must be the weather.

Reia quickly pulls herself together “Ah, that’s not exactly something you ask people, Gin.”

“It’s not?”

She shakes her head “It’s kind of like a secret. You shouldn’t ask about it in public, especially not when the other person is around. However, you can ask people you’re close with in private.”

Gin furrows his brows, considering the social etiquette “I’m close with you, meow. Can I ask you in private, woof?”

Well, she kind of dug her own grave here, didn’t she?

She just says “Sure.”

She’ll have to figure out a way to answer that question.

Rather than looking at them, Shin keeps staring ahead, pretending to be very interested in his drink. However, his face is still very, very pink.

That’s going to be a fun conversation to have with Gin.

~*~

Unsurprisingly, Gin does ask the question again just before he leaves when she takes him home “Big sis Reia, do you like the loner, meow?”

She anticipated it this time, even considering her options for answering. In the end she decided that honesty is the best policy, especially with Gin. Otherwise she’ll just confuse him.

“It’s a maybe.”

“Eh? What kind of answer is that, woof?”

Reia smiles “These sort of things are complicated, Gin. It often takes people time to figure these sort of things out.” A hint of sadness crosses her face “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, so I haven’t had the opportunity to come to a conclusion yet.”

“I thought things would be less stressful during summer vacation?”

“Life got in the way, I suppose.”

She rarely tells Gin when she’s going through a rough patch, and she never told him about the stalking. She doesn’t want to put that on him. He’s still a child after all. He shouldn’t bear the burdens of an adult.

But what he told Shin, that she gets sad sometimes, makes it clear that Gin does notice it to an extent, even though he doesn’t know what’s going on.

“There’s someone I used to be friends with and I don’t want to be friends with him anymore. But he doesn’t respect it so his attempts to talk to me bring some stress.” Reia explains. Gin should probably know the simple version of events, considering he can pick up on how it’s affecting her.

“That’s rude. If someone doesn’t want to play with you, you should accept it, woof. That’s what my parents always say.”

“Clearly some people still need to learn that lesson.” Reia smiles, making the situation a little lighter than it is.

“Are you okay, big sis Reia?”

“Not always, but today I am.” She smiles “Don’t worry about me. I have you. I have Ayako and Naoki. And I have Shin. That’s a lot of people who support me.”

“I’m glad. I’ll support you a lot, meow.” Gin gives a close-eyes smile. When he opens his eyes, he says “The loner is a bit suspicious, but if he supports you and makes you happy, he can’t be bad, woof.”

“He makes me happy.” She confirms.

“Then I’m glad! I hope you figure out if you like him soon, meow.”

Reia smiles “I’ll try.”

Chapter Text

Something has been feeling off all day.

Initially Reia chalked it up to having had a, for her standards, mild nightmare that didn’t shake her awake. It happens sometimes and does cause her to feel like something is off, but when that happens she at least remembers fragments. Then she decided it must just be paranoia. She feels like a sitting duck, waiting for Natsuo to do something horrible enough that she can force the police to act. Or at least forces Asunaro’s hand to stop covering up everything, if that's what's happening.

She has been trying not to think about it and go about her day, going to work where she shared a shift with Shin. Their interactions feel a little different too, though not in the same way. She partially blames Gin for putting ideas in her head, then blames herself for practically setting that one up herself.

The person for the night shift has come in, so they’re now just collecting their belongings before they head out.

“Hey, Reia?”

She tenses for a brief moment, having been zoned out, but quickly recovers “Yeah?”

“Do you need me to walk you home?”

There are many unspoken reasons in the question. Her fear of the dark. Her fear of Natsuo. Shin doesn’t voice any of them. He doesn’t need to.

“If it isn’t a bother. It’s getting late so I understand if you’d rather go home directly.”

Shin shakes his head “You’re not a burden.” He says, almost as if he read her thoughts “Your apartment building isn’t far from here. Besides I…” He pauses, frowns, then shakes his head again “Nevermind…”

Continuing to tie the jacket she brought around her waist – she paused at what sounded like an attempt at an admission – Reia nods “Thank you, Shin. I mean it.”

He avoids meeting her gaze, except for a small glance sent her way “Don’t mention it…”

He worries too, that much is obvious. Even if he won’t say it aloud, the occasional glances in her direction when he thinks she isn’t looking – and she pretends she indeed isn’t looking – make that very clear. Keiji’s words echo in her head. Shin cares about her a lot.

He must feel anxious at her situation with Natsuo stalking her. If she pieced everything together correctly, Shin lost Kanna, his own sister, during the death game. If he’s anything like Reia in how losing so many people, especially someone he was close to, affects a person, he likely gets extremely anxious at the mere possibility of losing someone. If anything, it’s probably even worse for him. She didn’t have as much of an opportunity to get to know people.

Sometimes she regrets not knowing anything about the victims of her death game beyond their names and faces, and even those are difficult to recall sometimes.

Forcing her legs to move, she follows Shin to the door, offering a friendly wave and well wishes to their coworker they’re leaving behind the register. They return the gesture, although they already seem tired, and their shift only just started.

“You’re always so… nice to people.” Shin observes, stepping outside into the darkness.

Taking the distraction of conversation to ignore her discomfort, Reia shrugs “It costs nothing to be friendly and it can make someone’s day.” She looks at him, walking slightly slower than usual to match his pace “You once asked why I was being nice to you.”

He furrows his brows when she mentions it “I did. It feels long ago now…”

“Quite some time has passed since then.” She agrees “I’ve been wondering, why did you ask?”

Opening his mouth to speak then closing it again, Shin frowns. It’s clear he doesn’t have a good answer prepared and he doesn’t have to. She’s patient enough.

The hairs on the back of her neck rise. A shiver runs down her spine. She opens her mouth to say Shin’s name, but finds herself unable to speak.

Turning her head barely enough to glance behind her, there’s a silhouette of a person walking down the street. It isn’t odd. Even at this hour, it’s not late enough for the streets to be abandoned. Of course there would be people here.

However, when they pass a street lantern, it illuminates their purple hair. Their golden eyes gleam from the light reflected on them.

Reia’s breath hitches in her throat. Her grip tightens on her bag.

She has been paranoid all day. This must be another figment of her imagination. She has officially lost it.

Shin suddenly grabs her wrist, snapping her out of her stupor, and the person is still there “Reia.”

She doesn’t have the opportunity to even respond as Shin starts walking. His grip is weak, but still she lets herself be dragged along by him.

“Shin, I can’t…”

She can't go home.

“I know.” He responds firmly, expression hardened as he keeps looking ahead. He moves his hand down to hold hers fairly tightly “Just… trust me.”

Even though he’s looking away from her, she nods. She tightens her own grip on his hand a little, serving as an anchor in the storm that is clouding her mind. She wants to run, but where can she possibly go? She can’t hide… It’s pointless…

Shin glances over his shoulder, then picks up his pace. Reia follows, but it does little to ease her fears. She’s in danger. Natsuo must be picking up his pace. There’s no way she can outrun him. This is the end. She should just run and try to-

Shin squeezes her hand, briefly meeting her eyes and trying to offer her a smile. It’s not entirely convincing, but the message is clear.

He’s there.

She tries to focus on him as he guides them through the streets, steadily picking up his pace with each turn until they’re running down a flight of stairs. Shin weaves through the people heading in the same direction, their linked hands the only reason Reia doesn’t lose him on the way. She doesn’t pay attention to the people shooting them weird looks, just trying to keep her focus on Shin, not on Natsuo behind them. She can still hear his hurried footsteps over her loud heartbeat, or maybe those are her own.

“We’ve almost made it.” Shin manages to say, his breathing incredibly rapid.

Reia finally registers where they are when he says that, as they arrive on the platform where people are moving around. There’s a subway train already waiting and Shin quickly pulls her through the doors not long before they close.

As soon as the doors close, Shin collapses against her.

“Shin?!” Reia snaps out of her worried mind for a moment as she quickly puts her arms around him to hold him up.

His breathing is far too quick and his skin is paler than usual, but at least he’s breathing.

Someone slams against the closed door next to her and she really shouldn’t have looked, but she does so in shock at the sudden sound. She locks eyes with Natsuo, freezing in place.

In her memories and nightmares, there was always a crazed look in his golden eyes. The reality is worse, because while it’s clear he’s not entirely there, most of all, his expression is filled with hurt. There are distinct scars on his neck that weren’t there before – or maybe she had never noticed them before. His hands are pressed against the window in the door, where he’s shouting her name.

It’s like someone took the person she knew and twisted him into someone else.

Frozen, she keeps looking at Natsuo until the subway starts moving, forcing her to finally look away.

“Reia?”

Shin’s voice snaps her focus back to him. She’s still holding him up “We’re safe.” She assures him, hoping that she’s telling the truth.

Shin groans, bringing a hand to the side of his head “Did I collapse again…?”

“You did. I think you overexerted yourself.” She frowns “I’m sorry…”

He shakes his head in response, slowly trying to steady himself and Reia helps him to a nearby chair. He rubs the side of his head, leaning forward, and mutters “It’s not your fault.”

She wants to argue, wants to make her case why it is her fault, but keeps her mouth shut when she realizes that it isn’t rational. Her response isn’t rational. She just wants him to blame her, be angry at her, because it’s easier. It’s lighter to carry than the guilt should something happen to him because of her.

Taking a deep breath, she steadies herself using a nearby pole as the subway keeps moving, the metal cold beneath her fingers. Natsuo’s actions aren’t her responsibility, aren’t her fault. She never wanted this.

“Are you okay?” Shin asks after a while and she just manages a sad smile in response “Stupid question.”

“I appreciate the thought.” Reia tries to lighten the mood a little, although her throat feels tight and her voice shakes a little. She grips the pole so tightly her knuckles turn white “How did you know…?”

“That it was him?” She just manages a nod in response to Shin’s question “Your reaction combined with the fact he was looking intently at you. Of course I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but I wasn’t going to take my chances.”

“Thank you.”

She had been completely useless in the moment, having frozen in place. Maybe she would have started running once he came closer, but then she would have probably just led him back to her apartment then. She wasn’t thinking clearly enough to have come up with an alternative. If it weren’t for Shin being with her…

She doesn’t want to think about that scenario.

“Where are we heading?” She asks, partly just to have something else to think about.

“I take the subway home, so my plan was to get off at my stop.” Shin sighs, adjusting his beanie “Honestly, I didn’t think very far ahead. All I knew was that we shouldn’t go to your home and we needed to shake him off. We got very lucky that there was a subway already waiting.”

Reia nods, understanding that Shin just did the best he could in the short time he had. However, the fact that he doesn’t have a proper plan beyond getting to his stop means that she has to figure out what to do next. She can’t go home, at least not for a few hours. Natsuo is bound to linger in the area because, unfortunately, he knows her well. Even though the death game shook her personality, one thing that has remained the same is that she likes to be within walking distance of places. If the opportunity is there, she wouldn’t work somewhere that she can’t reasonably walk to. On top of that, she needs a well-lit route to and from work. It would be far too easy for him to stalk the area until she tries to go home and follow her then.

Maybe she should call Ayako to pick her up, but didn’t she mention having plans with Naoki tonight? Reia wouldn’t want to burden them at this hour. Her parents? Not even an option on the table, even if they lived in the same city.

Is there anyone she can rely on?

“You can’t go home, can you?” Shin asks. He must have watched her changing expressions.

Heaving a sigh, Reia shakes her head. She doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s safest for her to tell him the truth and let him help her. Besides, she doesn’t have the energy to lie right now.

And honestly, she doesn’t want to.

“If… you feel comfortable with it, you could stay with me.” He cautiously offers, looking anywhere but at her “I only live in a studio apartment, so it’d be cramped, but I think I have an air mattress… somewhere.” He mumbles the last word.

She bites her lip. Normally it’s an option she wouldn’t consider, spending the night at someone else’s place without properly planning anything in advance. It feels like too much of a burden. However, the current circumstances do change things. She trusts Shin enough to take his suggestion.

“Alright.” She accepts.

Shin’s shoulders lose some of the tension they were holding, almost as if he was fearing rejection of the idea “We’ll figure something out. Cross that bridge when we get there an all that.”

She manages to smile in response. They fall into silence afterwards, both too tired to hold a conversation.

Not long after, Shin says “This is my stop.”

Reia nods, keeping an eye out when he stands up “Are you feeling okay?”

He doesn’t stumble as the get off the subway, but Shin eventually admits “It could be better, but I can move. Don’t worry.”

She’s bad at not worrying, but doesn’t point that out, sticking close to him in case he faints again.

His apartment isn’t far from the subway station, but despite the street lanterns lighting up the dark, her anxiety only starts to lessen when the door shuts behind them. She double-checks if it’s closed when Shin is already heading into the room to turn on the lights.

When he glances back at her, she says “It’s an anxious habit.”

“That makes sense.” He says after another moment, not needing to add more. His stance is becoming more awkward now, and he quickly adds “I’ll go look for the air mattress, so, uh, make yourself at home. Sorry for the mess.”

He should see Ayako’s room when exam stress hits, then he would know what a mess is. Although Shin’s apartment is definitely still filled with clutter. Reia moves a few things from one of the chairs at his small table before sitting down.

As soon as she’s seated, her body feels too heavy to ever get up again now that the adrenalin is properly wearing off. She can already feel the muscle ache setting into her legs.

She knows the emotional burden will land soon. For now her mind is still too in shock to process everything, resulting in an uncomfortable numbness.

At some point, she must have been leaning her head on her hand, because she’s in that position when Shin puts his hand on her shoulder. Her body immediately tenses and she harshly hits her knee against the table in the process.

Hissing through her teeth, she instinctively grips her knee with her hand, finally registering Shin.

“I’m sorry. You weren’t responding so I thought… I shouldn’t have done that. Are you okay?” Shin speaks the words so quickly that she barely registers them.

Biting her lip, Reia nods. The initial pain is already starting to fade to a dull throb “I’m alright. I just get startled very easily.”

“I should’ve realized that it would be a bad idea. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t think it’s ever been brought up before, so you couldn’t have known. Just… try to be mindful of it in the future.” Getting a mini heart attack on a regular basis isn’t something she enjoys. She notices the air mattress he’s holding and gestures at it “Would you like me to take care of that?”

Shin glances at the air mattress “I don’t know. You’re not…”

“Neither are you.” She reminds him, knowing what he was getting at but couldn’t quite say “I’ll be fine.”

After some more hesitation, he nods and passes her the mattress, which she unfolds “Do you need anything else?”

“Well, I wasn’t able to bring anything one would need, given the circumstances. So yeah, I probably do.”

Chapter Text

“Do you need me to walk you home?”

“If it isn’t a bother. It’s getting late so I understand if you’d rather go home directly.”

He offers a smile that reaches his golden eyes “It’s never a bother. I’ll just use it as an excuse to spend more time with my best friend.”

The darkness engulfs them.

His blood seeps onto the floor from between the bed that crushed him. They should have died during that first trial. She glances at her hand. It’s mangled.

“Talk to me, Reia!”

His eyes are dull, like that of a corpse. He’s bleeding from his neck. Her neck feels warm too. His nails are digging into her skin.

Strung up behind him is the girl. Her body torn into four pieces. They are knee-deep in her blood and it’s steadily rising.

“It’s your fault I became this.”

The scars on his neck grow, taking over his entire body.

“You abandoned me.”

His nails dig deeper into her neck, piercing her skin and then disappearing into it. Breathing is difficult.

“Talk to me.”

“Reia.”

“Reia.”

~*~

With a gasp for air, her body shoots up.

She grasps at her neck, finding her skin intact, then at her wrist, finding the bracelet still there. It still feels impossible to breathe. He’s here. He’s here. There’s no other possible explanation why she’s in this strange place. He must have kidnapped her!

“Reia.”

It’s him! He has come for her at last. She needs to run. Get out. It doesn’t matter what he wants. She’s in danger!

Something makes contact with her arm and she immediately recoils, pushing herself back until her shoulder roughly hits the wall. He’s going to kill her. He’s going to grab her neck and squeeze.

The pain in her shoulder sets in and she cups her hands around her nose and mouth, curling up to try and breathe.

She’s crying. Of course she is. It’s pathetic, honestly, how much something as stupid as nightmares affect her.

A nightmare, that’s what it was. Of course it was. It always is. Yet the memory of Natsuo chasing her is real. It’s enough to almost send her over the edge again.

The lights go on and through her blurred vision, she sees a familiar person. Good familiar this time. Shin sits across from her, and while she can’t make out his expression, all she can see is worry.

She takes a deep breath, or tries to at least. It’s still hard, but the light helps.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Shin’s voice finally reaches her ears “I’m not really good at this. Fuck. Uh, have I ever told you about how I dropped a whole carton of eggs on my second day at work?”

She forces herself to focus on his voice. Even though not much of his story actually sticks, it does help to have a small distraction. It pushes some of the worst memories back far enough that she can regain her ability to breath.

At some point she lowers her hands, carefully tracing her bracelet with her fingertips. It hurts.

Shin has grown quiet for the most part, as she collects her bearings to wipe away the tears and finally makes eye contact with him.

“Nightmare?” He quietly asks.

She nods, reaching up to wipe a few more tears away “As usual.”

The previous evening’s events most likely triggered it. She should have expected to have a nightmare, but with how unclear her thoughts were and how numb she was feeling, it didn’t cross her mind.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“Not exactly. It’s always based on my memories of Natsuo and the death game.” Reia sighs, rubbing her head. The dull pain of a headache is already setting in “I must’ve woken you up. I’m sorry.”

Shin sighs “Don’t apologize for that. It’s not like you choose to have a nightmare. They’re not exactly fun.”

She smiles faintly “You could say that.”

“Do you need anything? Water?”

She shakes her head “I just need a moment. You can go back to sleep if you want. I’m going to stay awake a little longer.”

She doesn’t know what time it is, but considering how dark it was before Shin turned the light on, it’s probably still quite early. So there is the possibility for her to fall asleep again, if she can calm her mind enough that is.

That doesn’t deter Shin from sitting down next to her, back against the wall. Almost as if he took her suggestion to go back to sleep and decided to do the complete opposite.

“I don’t want you to lose more sleep than you already have because of me.” Reia eventually whispers.

From the corners of her eyes, she can see him shrug “It’s my own decision.”

It’s an argument she can’t refute, so she gives up on trying to convince him otherwise. She knows better than that. Although it would clear her own conscience, at the end of the day she can’t force him and she doesn’t want to. Shin isn’t stupid and probably knows that he will likely be tired later.

“I sometimes get nightmares too.” He admits quietly.

“They suck.” Reia mutters, tilting her head back to lean against the wall. Shin fails to stifle a laugh, prompting her to look at him “What?”

“The choice of words just sounds weird coming from you. It’s very crass.” He explains before agreeing “They suck.”

“Good to know that, should I ever feel the need to make you laugh, being crass works.” She smiles.

She has to admit, it’s nice to not be left alone with her thoughts after a nightmare. Despite feeling a little guilty still, though that guilt is ebbing away, she’s glad he threw her suggestion in the wind and kept her company instead of going back to sleep.

“It’s only funny because it’s so out of character.” Shin adds “So don’t overdo it.”

“What I’m hearing is that it will work.”

“Maybe.”

She finally manages a small laugh herself.

It has been a while since she actually laughed, now that she thinks about it. It feels good. Who would have thought that having woken up a horrible nightmare would be the circumstance she could laugh in.

Of course, the effects are still lingering and there’s no doubt that if they turned off the lights and went back to bed now, everything would come back full force to hurt her again. Life isn’t so simple that company alone is enough to mend her broken soul. However, it’s easier like this. It’s easier to not have to do it alone. The burden is a little lighter.

She had known it was lonely to deal with this by herself, but she couldn’t fully grasp just how lonely until she had something to compare it to.

“Shin.” Reia waits for him to indicate that he’s listening, then says “I’m glad I met you.”

He gives her a smile, echoing the words she once said to him “Likewise.”

~*~

Of course, it’s never that simple.

While they stayed up together talking for a while, eventually they both got too tired and went back to bed, robbing her mind of any distraction. While Reia didn’t lie awake for long – having filled that time with conversation this time around – the rest of the night was anything but peaceful. While not as vivid, and fortunately also less panic-inducing, the memories kept surfacing in the form of nightmares. Despite not waking up in the midst of every single one, it made her night extremely restless.

And since Shin doesn’t have any coffee at home – she was judging him a little until he explained that his body doesn’t react well to it – she has resorted to making her black tea very strong. He is judging her for that.

“Do you have a shift today?” He asks once he’s done sending judgemental looks towards her mug.

Reia shakes her head. She has today off, which might be both a blessing and a curse. It means that she will have nothing to distract herself today, but it also means that she can hide at home. Not going out means there’s less of a chance for Natsuo to find her address.

That reminds her, she should probably figure out how to get home to begin with.

“I should text my friend to see if she can come get me.” Reia explains while pulling out her phone from her back pocket “Do you have work later?”

“I’ve got a late shift. There’s no rush.”

She offers a smile “I should send a text on time nonetheless. Ayako can be chaotic at times.”

Reia:

It’s a rather long story. But would you be able to pick me up shortly?

Fortunately, Ayako does check her phone somewhat regularly, so a response soon arrives.

Ayako:

Yeah, just tell me where and when

What happened? Is everything alright?

Reia:

The short version is that Natsuo followed me last night after work…

Shin was with me and navigated us to the subway. I ended up staying with him just to be safe.

But I’m worried about getting home.

Ayako:

I got your back. Just send me a time and the address

After sending a response, Reia breathes a small sigh of relief, putting her phone away again.

“Ayako will pick me up.” She tells Shin, before adding a small explanation “She’s a friend from university.”

He nods, seemingly unsure of what to say for a moment “You seem like someone who would have a lot of friends.”

Reia pauses. It may be unintentional, but the comment hits a particularly painful topic. She tries to hide her expression faltering by taking a sip of her tea, burning her tongue. She allows herself to make a face at that “That was still hot...”

He gets up to get her a glass of water, not saying much until he gives it to her and she has taken a sip to cool the burn “Sorry. I hit a nerve with that comment, didn’t I?”

Embarrassed that she’s apparently so easy to read, Reia averts her gaze. She swirls the water around in the glass, muttering “It’s alright.” It’s not like he did it on purpose, or even knew it was a sore topic “I don’t really have many friends. It’s mainly Ayako and her boyfriend, Naoki, who I’m close friends with. The majority abandoned me after… you know.”

Shin nods “When there’s trouble, you learn who your real friends are.”

“You’re familiar with it too then?”

“Oh, no. I’ve never had many friends, actually.” Shin looks away, furrowing his brows “I had a friend in high school, I guess, but…”

“I see.” Reia mutters, noting his discomfort.

“It’s not someone I want to be reminded of, to be honest.”

“That’s fine.” She sighs “I get the feeling…”

“Because of the situation with Natsuo?”

Reia nods “I still think about him a lot. He was one of my closest friends for most of my life.” She closes her eyes for a moment as memories resurface, then opens them again “Sometimes I feel like I failed him. We were both traumatized because of what happened, but I pushed him away… because I was weak. Blaming him was easy… I should’ve…” She’s not sure what she should have done.

A beat of silence, then Shin sighs “You’re such an idiot.”

“Huh?”

A look of surprise etched on her face, Reia meets his gaze. There’s no malice in his expression, like there was none in his tone, yet the statement catches her off-guard. It’s an unusual response, but not an unwelcome one.

“No one can blame you for being too hurt to face someone who reminds you of everything. While I know you couldn’t face him specifically, some people also push everyone away when they’re hurting.” Shin frowns before adding “I would know.”

Right, she hasn’t blamed Shin for pushing his fellow survivors away. As usual, she is holding herself to standards she would never expect others to meet.

How foolish.

“He should’ve just left you alone…” Shin mutters.

Reia manages to smile a little “I suppose I am an idiot.”

Their conversation doesn’t last much longer as, after finishing breakfast in silence, Ayako shows up. As soon as she is let in, she drapes an arm of Reia’s shoulders.

“I suppose I’ll take her off your hands then… Shin, was it?”

Shin nods “You must be Ayako?”

“The one and only.” Releasing her friend, Ayako offers a hand to shake.

Following the usual hesitation, Shin shakes hers.

“Ayako, be nice.” Reia reprimands her with a sigh and small smile.

“I am niceness incarnate, Rei.” Ayako retorts before growing more serious as she turns back to Shin “Seriously though, thank you… I’m glad she has you.”

That stuns him into silence for a moment “It’s no problem… and thank you too.”

Ayako’s expression softens, a smile crossing her features, and she turns to Reia “Let’s go?”

“Yeah.” Reia picks up her bag and jacket where she left them, turning to Shin “I’ll text you when I get home.”

He nods “Bye, Reia.”

She smiles “Bye.”

Ayako is the one to close the door behind them. They walk down the stairs in silence, not saying much until they reach the car. Ayako makes sure that the coast is clear multiple times.

Only when they’ve fastened their seatbelts, does she speak “Shin seems nice.”

“He is.” Reia confirms quietly even though she smiles a bit. It seems the exhaustion is properly catching up to her now.

“Do you need to vent?” Ayako asks while starting the car.

Reia shakes her head “No. To be honest, I just want to go home…”

She would rather just forget this even happened.

Ayako nods “Don’t worry, Rei.”

The car gets moving. The sun shines brightly through the windows as Reia leans her head against the passanger window.

“You’re not alone.”

Chapter Text

The following days were hard.

Reia called in sick to work, feigning a cold. Her manager had been understanding, telling her to take the time she needs to recover. She wonders if he would be as understanding if he knew the actual reason.

Well, she has actually been feeling quite unwell. Besides the stress obviously not being good for her, there’s also the issue that she has been avoiding sleep as much as possible. Her mind is still reeling from the experience, so sleep will only bring more nightmares. The constant exhaustion is also horrible to deal with, but it’s the lesser of two evils.

In fact, she has just woken up from a, fortunately dreamless, nap when the doorbell rings.

Taking a deep breath, Reia drags herself out of the bed where she has been spending more time than she would like to admit. She fell asleep in her normal clothes, so changing isn’t a problem, but she quickly runs her fingers through her hair on the way to the front door in an attempt to salvage her appearance.

“Hi.” Shin greets her when she opens her door.

She manages to smile, but knows that it’s tainted by exhaustion “Hi.”

She lets him in and closes the door behind him, triple-checking her locks.

“I didn’t run into him on my way.” Shin tells her, taking off a coat that looks like it’s far too warm for the season “Though I don’t know if he was hiding somewhere…”

Reia nods, finally stepping away from the door after convincing herself it’s securely locked “He isn’t one for stealth. So unless that has changed since, you probably would’ve noticed him.”

Shin responds to her assessment with a nod of his own “You look…”

“Horrible?”

“I would’ve picked ‘drained’, but that works.”

“I suppose that’s a good descriptor.” She smiles, leading the way to her living room “I haven’t been able to sleep much lately.”

“I can imagine.” Shin puts his bag down, taking out a few movies “I asked Gin what kind you like.”

“And he responded the ‘so bad it’s good’ kind?” Reia asks as she gets to work on making tea, grabbing the blend she knows he likes.

“Yup. So I brought some that I think fit the requirement and hope you haven’t seen them yet.”

She shrugs “Even if I have, I’ll probably still enjoy them.”

Shin smiles “I also heard from Gin that you’re great to watch sci-fi movies with.”

“That’s because I ruin them with commentary. Nothing ever makes sense in those movies.”

“So I’ve heard.”

After finishing all preparations, which mainly consist of getting their respective drinks and a few snacks, as well as Shin stealing a blanket for which he gets judged, they turn on the movie and station themselves on the couch. It’s a small couch, so while they both try to politely be as far on one end as possible, it’s hard to avoid their shoulders touching or their arms bumping into each other when reaching for anything. Reia tries very hard to push the thoughts Gin helped put in her head to the back of her mind – they hadn’t been very present the past few days.

When the movie starts to play, it helps in providing a distraction so she focuses on that instead. It’s quite nice to be doing something normal for once, watching a movie with a… friend is probably still the best descriptor. At some point, she gets so comfortable that she nearly dozes off. Clearly she has been getting far too little sleep lately.

“Need a break?” Shin asks her when they finish the first movie and she yawns.

“Sure.” She agrees, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Reia…”

“I know.” She sighs “I just haven’t been able to sleep well thanks to my nightmare disorder.”

“I understand. I’m just…”

When he doesn’t finish the sentence and looks away instead, she asks “Worried?”

It takes another moment of hesitation, but Shin nods.

Heaving another sigh, Reia lays her head on his shoulder “I’ll be okay. At least, I have to believe that or I will lose my mind.”

He tenses for a moment, but doesn’t push her away. Honestly, she doesn’t know why she decided to put her head on his shoulder to begin with. The sleep deprivation must be lowering her inhibitions. It’s a relief when he finally rests his head on hers.

“You can sleep if you want.” Shin tells her.

“We’ll see.” She doesn’t want to sleep, but it’s a little difficult to keep her eyes open “If I do fall asleep, you’re allowed to move or get up. As long as you don’t literally throw me off, it probably won’t disturb me.”

“We’ll see.” He echoes her words “This is… surprisingly comfortable, for now at least.”

Reia smiles at that “We’ll come back to that later when your neck has started protesting. Although I suppose you have a certain tolerance given your horrible posture.”

They stay silent for a moment and her smile falters. She takes a deep breath.

“I’m thinking of quitting my job.”

She feels Shin tense at that “What?”

“At the convenience store. I’m thinking of quitting.” She frowns “It’s not the work or you or anything. It’s…”

“Natsuo…” Shin says softly.

She nods “I just don’t feel safe going anywhere anymore. Any foot I set outside my house is a very real risk that he’ll find me again. So I just can’t bring myself to.”

“Aren’t you worried about the isolation? I know that Natsuo is a very real threat and your fears make sense. It’s just…”

“I know. Being alone with my thoughts so much would be horrible.” Reia closes her eyes, trying to hold back tears “I feel like there are no good options.”

“You’re right. There are none.” Shin agrees with a sigh “I’ll keep coming over, and I’m sure Ayako and… I don’t remember his name, will too. Maybe I can even bring Gin if he’s okay with that.”

“Thank you.” Reia says softly.

Feeling more comfortable than she does whenever she’s alone, she begins to drift off.

~*~

When she wakes up not much later – fortunately not from a severe nightmare, her naps are a little too short for that – she’s still in the same spot. She glances at Shin, who seemingly hasn’t moved at all and appears to be reading something on his phone. He is only alerted that she’s awake when she sits up to stretch.

“Good morning.” He jokes, putting his phone away.

She tries to give him a look, but is well aware that it doesn't work very well when she has just woken up “How long was I asleep?”

She tries to pop a joint in her neck, which is very stiff from being in the same position.

“A little over half an hour.” Shin answers after checking the time on his phone. He flinches when she successfully pops the joint “Can you not do that?”

“Sorry.” Reia relaxes her shoulders again “My neck was a tad stiff, so it helps. I sometimes forget the sound makes people uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright…. Revenge for the time I startled you, I guess.” He offers with a smile.

She smiles back before checking her watch “I think we could watch one more movie if you’d like? Before dinner, that is.”

“Sounds good.” Shin gets up from the couch to put a new one in. A little too quickly it seems, because he stumbles.

It doesn't seem like he’s going to faint or the like, so Reia doesn’t comment on it and waits for him to join her on the couch again. They continue watching the movie, pausing approximately halfway through to refill their drinks. When they’re finished, they get started on dinner.

“Are you by any chance an instant ramen kind of guy?” Reia asks, looking over to see the way he is cutting the vegetables “You’re going to end up losing a finger like that.”

“Not always!” Shin defends himself “But maybe a little too often. I usually just make simple meals.”

Reia gently nudges him away from his cutting board, showing him how to cut more safely, opting to ignore how close they’re standing to each other “This way you’re less likely to injure yourself.” She returns to her own cutting board “You’d think I’d be the instant ramen person, being a student and all.”

“Well, I’m a job hopper. I don’t think we have much better eating habits.” Shin shrugs, following her example from earlier when he continues cutting. It’s not very fast, but at least it preserves his fingers.

“You’ve never wanted to do anything else?”

He shrugs “At first I wanted to just be independent from my parents, and job-hopping gave me some independence. But…” He sighs, having stopped cutting. It takes a while for him to say anything else, so she waits patiently “Since… everything, I’ve kind of lost any motivation, I guess.”

She nods “That makes sense.”

“Does it? All things considered, you seem to have your life together.”

“That’s just a difference in response to trauma.” Reia frowns, keeping her eyes on her current task “Some people completely shut down. I, on the other hand, completely focus on something and put everything I have into it, in this case my studies or… work. It keeps my mind from wandering.”

“Ah…” Shin resumes cutting “When you put it like that, it makes sense.”

“I often make a lot of sense, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in.”

~*~

Shin spends the night at her place. It was something they decided on beforehand in the hope that it might help her feel more comfortable sleeping, not being alone at home. It was idle hope, of course. She has been lying wide awake for at least three hours, despite the exhaustion. They set up an air mattress for Shin in her living room, but eventually she got a little paranoid and felt the need to know if he was still there, so she got up to open her door a little, allowing her to hear his breathing from her bedroom. So she has been lying awake, clutching her pillow tightly while listening to Shin’s breathing in an attempt to convince herself that she’s safe.

Because Reia ensured she could hear him, she also hears it when something changes. Initially, she shoots up in a flurry of panic, her first thought being that Natsuo broke in somehow, before she manages to convince herself that’s ridiculous – she lives on the eleventh floor and if he came through the front door it would have made a distinct sound. She also listens more closely. Shin’s breathing has become faster, no longer the calm slow breathing that is a clear sign of sleep, and she swears she can also hear him toss and turn.

A nightmare…

Reia gets out of bed immediately, needing a moment to steady herself because black spots dance across her vision from getting up so suddenly, and cautiously approaches the living room. Knowing how she gets when waking up from a nightmare, she doesn’t want to make noise or any sudden movement and startle him.

Shin appears to still be asleep, but it’s far from a peaceful slumber. He’s indeed tossing and turning, a pained frown on his face and mutters “Stop it… Kanna…”

Her heart breaks.

Reia kneels down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder to gently shake him away “Shin? Shin, wake up, please.”

She is well aware that generally it is advised to not wake people from nightmares. However, she feels that applies to regular nightmares that normal people have, not nightmares that are flashbacks to traumatic events. She would much rather be woken up than left to wallow in painful memories for any longer than necessary. Clearly this is a memory, or a distorted version of one, that hurts Shin. She can’t let him suffer like that.

When he doesn’t wake up from the first shake, she’s a little rougher and calls his name again. His eyes slowly open.

“Shin…” She whispers, unsure what else to say when she sees tears glinster in the corners of his eyes.

He looks so fragile, so broken.

It takes a while for him to acknowledge her presence. He just lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling like his mind is a million miles away. Eventually he mutters “I saw her again… Kanna.”

Reia nods slowly “I heard you say her name in your sleep.”

She doesn’t add that he was begging her to stop it, he doesn’t need the reminder. She recalls the little he told her about his death game. He must be remembering the main game during which they ended up voting for Kanna, despite Shin trying to convince them otherwise.

Sitting up slowly, Shin wipes the tears away “I still miss her every day.”

Pressing her lips together, Reia moves slowly, giving him ample opportunity to reject the gesture. He doesn’t, so she wraps her arms around him. He leans his head against her shoulder in turn.

“I understand.” She says.

“I know.” He places a hand on her upper arm and pauses, before eventually adding “I wish you didn’t.”

She knows what he means “I wish you didn’t understand my pain either.”

They stay like this for a while. While Shin doesn’t openly cry or shake with sobs, she feels the occasional droplets soaking through the fabric of her clothing. She doesn’t comment on it, but just holds him.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” He says eventually, sitting up a little straighter so he’s not leaning against her anymore, but not fully pulling away from her embrace either.

She withdraws one arm, keeping the other around his shoulders “I hadn’t fallen asleep yet…”

Shin sighs, wrapping his arms around her and gently pulling her down beside him as he lays back down. She allows it to happen, knowing very well he doesn’t have the strength to do anything besides guide her, but she is still caught off-guard.

“Try to sleep, or at least rest.” He suggests after noticing her expression, closing his eyes “You look exhausted.”

“I’m not exactly a still sleeper, especially when I have a nightmare.” Reia admits softly, but still adjusts her body to lay in a slightly more comfortable position on her side.

“This is an air mattress. Worst you can do is push me onto the floor.”

“Or I might hit you.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Shin takes a deep breath “You seem to do better when you’re not alone, so try to get as much sleep while I’m here. I don’t have work tomorrow.”

He isn’t wrong. With him here right now, she has been feeling better than all the hours she spent by herself. With that in mind, Reia allows herself to relax, exhaling slowly and closing her eyes. She would have suggested moving to her bed at least, which offers more space and comfort, but the exhaustion has fully seeped into her body and she can’t bring herself to move. The air mattress is narrow and a tad uncomfortable, not allowing them to move much. The arm under Shin’s neck is bound to be numb when she wakes up.

And yet, right here, she feels safe enough to fall asleep despite the nightmares that follow.

Chapter Text

Their manager is a little disappointed when Reia hands him her resignation, but takes it well and wishes her the best. After her final day of work, she does nothing but sit at home for a few days. She tries to keep herself busy by reading, but ends up lying in bed more than she would like. She has been receiving emails from Natsuo again, so at least she has a task in sorting those out and continuing to compile her evidence that will go ignored anyways. The emails follow a familiar pattern of begging for a conversation and old pictures of them from when life was much kinder.

Shin is at her house again, seeing if he can find anything this time despite both of them knowing it’s futile. They have to try.

“Maybe I should give him a response.” Reia mutters, mostly to herself, resting her arms on her table.

The typing next to her stops and Shin looks at her “I really hope that’s a hypothetical question.”

Taken aback by the slightly harsher tone of voice, Reia blinks. Then she shrugs “I don’t know. It was merely a thought that crossed my mind, but… shouldn’t I try everything that might work? There’s no harm in just sending an email back, right?”

Shin shakes his head “Your desperation to have this all end is talking. If I can trace the IP an email is sent from, anyone else can to.”

“Natsuo is awful with computers. The only programs he knows how to operate are for editing pictures he takes.” Reia argues, sitting up straighter.

“And what about Asunaro, who might be supporting him, huh? And you don’t even know that guy anymore. The only thing you know about him are memories.” Shin grits his teeth.

She furrows her brows “I can go to the library or university.”

“And have him follow you?”

“What am I supposed to do then, Shin? Be miserable trapped at home for the rest of my life?” Reia throws her hands in the air, getting up from her chair so she can somewhat walk off her frustration.

“Of course not, but you’re being completely crazy now! Don’t you value your life?” Shin asks angrily.

She pauses her steps, feeling something snap “Oh, so you believe I’m crazy too?” She chuckles bitterly “Of course. Lock me in a cage and throw the key away while you’re at it, will you? I don’t have a life now anyways!”

“With how stupid that idea was, it might even be better for you!” Shin snaps.

Reia freezes. Her gaze hardens and she says coldly “Get out of my house.”

“Reia.” Shin has the sense to look at least somewhat remorseful, as if the words that left his mouth finally register.

However, neither of them say anything else, and after a minor stare down, Shin packs his bag and leaves.

Only when she hears her front door close does she move again, heading to the door to properly lock it from the inside. However, she doesn’t get much further than that, sinking to her knees.

Her body is shaking, but she isn’t entirely sure why. Frustration? Anger? Hurt? Regret? All of the above?

Resting her back against her door, she presses the balls of her hands against her eyes. She mutters “Shin…”

Did she just break one of the best things in her miserable life?

~*~

Days go by.

Reia doesn’t like to admit it, but she finds herself checking her phone for new messages often, only to get her hopes up when she gets a text and then have it crushed when she sees who the sender is. Ayako. Gin. Naoki. Even her parents send her a simple text in that time period. Nothing from Shin.

Since she quit, work doesn’t force them to interact anymore, and she almost regrets the decision. Maybe if they had been forced to be face to face in the same room, they could have talked.

But there’s no changing the past.

Pressing her lips together, Reia deletes the message she typed up. He hasn’t said anything to her, so why would he care that she’s heading to the library? He doesn’t need any updates about her whereabouts anymore, does he?

She sets a timer for when she needs to leave at the latest to make it home before sunset. Then she puts her phone in her pocket, keeping Ayako’s contact information up in case she needs anyone.

She could reach out to Shin first, but he doesn’t seem like someone she can push to talk. Besides, his silence has been a message in itself.

Clearly, he doesn’t want to talk to her. Otherwise he would have.

~*~

Natsuo,

This will be the only time I give a reply, so I can communicate my stance clearly. Please cease contacting me. I do not want to talk to you, ever.

I’m sorry for cutting contact with you once we came back from that terrible place, but the way you have been treating me since is something I can never move past. I don’t want you in my life anymore. The way you have been acting has been causing me a lot of stress and pain. If you ever cared about me, you will leave me alone.

Reia reads over the email she typed up once more when she gets home, then she closes her laptop. She even created a separate account to send it, rather than replying from her actual account, finding herself taking Shin’s concerns into consideration despite the lack of contact between them. Hopefully this will be enough. Hopefully this will finally convey the message and she can finally get her life back.

Of course, it was foolish.

It takes little time for Natsuo to start flooding the inbox of the alternative account and her normal one.

Reia?!

Thank the heavens, you’re talking to me again!

We can be friends again!

Right? Please tell me we’ll be friends?

Reply!

At that point, Reia blocks the account he is sending the emails from. However, it doesn’t take long for Natsuo to make a new one and continue spamming her, adding more old pictures, saying they can go back to that time.

They can’t. The Death Game took too much from them. They’ll never be able to go back to the people they once were.

But he doesn’t understand that.

Natsuo has gotten too far into his delusion. He cannot see reason or accept their new reality. The only thing he can focus on is getting his friend back.

With tears gathering in her eyes, Reia shuts off all her electronic devices. She sinks to her knees in the middle of her living room, clutches her head…

And lets out a scream.

Shin was right.

She really doesn’t know Natsuo anymore.

~*~

Gin:

Big sis Reia, I found this cool sci-fi movie, meow!

Maybe we can watch it with the loner?

A little later.

Big sis Reia, are you okay? You’re not responding, woof.

Reading the messages Gin sent her while she was asleep, in the middle of the day, until a pretty severe nightmare woke her up, hurts Reia’s heart. She doesn’t even know what she could say to ease his worries. While she could explain that she took a nap, even if that isn’t the full truth, what else is she supposed to tell Gin? He’s bound to repeat his suggestion if she doesn’t respond to it, but she’s not sure where she stands with Shin right now. She doesn’t want to tell Gin they had an argument either. Not just because a child isn’t supposed to be burdened with the actions of adults, but also because she fears it could destroy the fragile relationship between them that they have only just started to build.

Heaving a sigh, Reia types up a quick reply while sitting up properly.

Reia:

I’m alright. I'm sorry if I worried you.

I fell asleep. I went to bed too late yesterday.

It’s technically true. The least she can do for now is make sure Gin isn’t actively worrying about her. If he asks about watching a movie together again, she will cross that bridge then.

She’s just about to put her phone away, but then the screen lights up again. Her breath hitches in her throat and she drops the device, which hits the floor with a thud. It keeps buzzing from the incoming call. When it ends, a voicemail is left and then it starts again.

Nobody she knows calls her out of the blue, and anyone who might is in her contacts. There’s no reason calls should be coming from an unknown number.

Unless…

Reia stands up sharply, leaving the phone on the floor and shutting the bedroom door behind her in an attempt to stifle the noise coming from the device. She paces around the living room, hands in her hair.

Natsuo managed to figure out her new number, there’s no other explanation for a sudden flood of incoming calls. There’s no way he could have traced it from the email she sent, she knows that much. However, the email could have spurred him to act. It could have encouraged him. Despite the fact she made it clear that she wants nothing to do with him, he likely still took it differently. He must have only seen what he wanted to see. He’s delusional, too far gone in his own head to be reasoned with.

Reia halts her steps.

…Will she ever be safe?

Feeling safe is an entirely different matter, she doubts she can ever fully feel that way again after everything she has been through, but being safe? After moving, she had hoped that was an achievable goal.

Maybe she was wrong. She seems to be wrong about a lot of things lately.

And one of those times might have cost her the relationship with Shin that took so long to build. A tight feeling settles in her chest.

She misses him. She misses the rare genuine smiles he gives her, his weak but comforting hugs, his persistent habit of drinking tea no matter the weather, the sound of rapid typing on a keyboard, how he spends far too much time meticulously keeping his hands clean throughout the day. Everything about him and his presence.

The realization startles Reia a little. It had been a slow process, so slow that she never really noticed or stopped to think about it, but his life has become so intertwined with hers that she can’t even imagine life without him anymore. And if she’s completely honest with herself, she doesn't want to. She wants him in her life.

She doesn’t want to lose him.

Reia looks at her bedroom door, where her phone is likely still ringing. She has been telling herself that Shin would contact her if he wanted to talk, but that’s a lie, isn’t it? He is not someone who is particularly good at being vulnerable. With the exception of the time she comforted him after a nightmare, he has always needed a nudge in the right direction to open up. With how long it took for him to actually voice he worries about her, despite his actions having said that for a long time, she should have figured that he wouldn’t be the first to reach out now. Because looking back, it’s obvious that he only acted the way he did because he was worried.

Why didn’t she realize it?

She takes a breath, rubbing her temples. She knows why she didn’t realize it, but admitting it to herself is harder. The answer itself is rather simple: pride.

However, Shin is more important to her than her pride, so she will swallow that pride.

Entering her bedroom, Reia finds her phone fortunately silent again. She ignores the voicemails and barrage of texts, finding Shin’s contact information.

Reia:

Hey.

I’m sorry about what happened.

She hesitates before adding.

Can we talk?

~*~

Shin does respond to her message, although it takes a little while for him to do so. It was the middle of the day though, so she just assumes he was at work. However, just because there’s a reasonable explanation, doesn't mean she’s not fretting over it and worrying that he’s still mad at her and never wants to see her again. Even though he’s coming over today.

Reia bounces her leg up and down nervously while she sits on her couch, waiting. She keeps checking her phone – it has been quieter since she blocked Natsuo’s number and the few new ones that followed – fearing that she will receive a text saying that Shin changed his mind.

She is saved from the anxiety of waiting when the doorbell rings, but plunged right into new anxiety when she makes her way to the door. She doesn’t know what to expect or if this will even end well. Their friendship could be ruined forever and that thought scares her.

Her hands tremble when she unlocks the door after confirming it’s Shin and not some stranger or worse. Her heart pounds in her chest when she opens it, stepping back a little.

He looks… tired. It’s a little hard to place.

Reia cautiously offers a smile while fully letting him in. He tries to smile back, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. After stepping inside, he patiently waits for her to lock the door and triple-check everything. The atmosphere is awkward, but maybe hope isn’t lost yet.

It all depends on how they approach this conversation.

Turning to face him, Reia finds herself at a loss for words when they lock eyes. After a beat of silence, she softly says “Hi.”

“Hi.” Shin echoes, a ghost of a smile on his face. However, it’s tainted by something again. Sadness? Regret? Longing?

She doesn’t know what to make of it, nor what else to say. However, she notices a thin, rectangular gift that he’s holding.

As if he suddenly remembers he has it when she glances at it, he lifts it up and holds it out to her “I noticed you had a few books from this author, so I hoped you hadn’t read this one yet. I got it so you have a distraction… from everything.”

Her eyes sting while she reaches out to take the gift from his hands, gently unwrapping it. The shock has worn off once she sees the cover, and a genuine smile crosses her face. He knows her well.

She glances up at Shin again, places the book on a nearby shelf to free her hands…

And hugs him.

There’s no hesitation when she wraps his arms around him, as he immediately does the same. Reia leans against his shoulder, allowing herself to shed a few tears “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Shin shakes his head before leaning it against hers “I’m sorry. You were stressed and I made it worse.”

“You were right though.” She stifles a small sob “I wasn’t thinking clearly and you tried to warn me. I should’ve listened to you.”

“I should’ve said it in a way you’d actually want to listen to. I was unnecessarily cruel to you.”

“And I was foolish.”

“You were hurting.” Shin takes a shaky breath “And I made it worse by hurting you too.”

“You were worried.” Reia can feel his grip tighten slightly when she says that. She must be right on the mark.

There’s another beat of silence, before Shin pulls back a little to look her in the eye. He quickly looks away again and mumbles “Those few days… they were agony. The thought that something could happen to you and the last thing I said to you was…” He lowers his head “It was killing me.”

The tears she thought she had already shed begin to well up again at the genuine words. She has known for a while now that she meant more to him than he tried to let on, but to hear him admit it…

She offers her own admission “I’ve missed you. Those days were… agony, as you said.” She takes a breath “I want you in my life, and I was afraid I had lost that chance.”

“You haven’t…” He pauses, before adding, so quietly that she barely hears it “I want you in my life too, if you’ll have me.”

She smiles at that.

“I can’t lose you too, Reia…”

She wants to promise him that he won’t, but she has seen how easily that promise is broken, so she settles for the next best option “I’ll do my best.”

Shin nods, understanding that that’s all she can guarantee.

With how close they still are to each other, Gin’s question from a while ago crosses her mind again. It also had the other day, when she finally dared to admit to herself just how important Shin is to her, but she hadn’t been able to formulate an answer then. She thinks she can now.

The term ‘like’ just doesn't cut it.

While she can finally admit that attraction is definitely some part of it, it doesn’t cover the extent of how she feels about him. It’s deeper than that, something she can’t quite put into words.

“Shin.” Reia gently calls his name, reaching up to touch his cheek. He seems a little surprised, but doesn’t reject the gesture.

“Reia.” He echoes, equally soft.

Maybe they don’t need words.

She isn’t entirely sure who makes the first move. They both lean in, acting slowly to give each other the opportunity to change their minds. Neither of them do, so she ends up closing the gap.

While this is by far not her first kiss, it’s the first that causes such a light yet warm feeling to settle in her chest. It’s gentle, simple even, but holds so much emotion in such a simple act. She tries to convey all the feelings that words fail to describe through this action.

She cares about him. She trusts him. She wants him in her life for as long as he’ll have her. She accepts the broken pieces of his past, even if the cracks will still show once time has healed the worst wounds.

She loves him.

When they pull away, Shin rests his forehead against hers and heaves a sigh “I’m not… very good at this vulnerability thing. But I want to try… for you.”

Reia smiles “Your actions have been speaking louder than words for a while. Although I would appreciate the occasional words too. It would make things easier.”

“I’ll try to be better at communicating.” He promises, smiling too “Although, can I stick with actions for now?”

She chuckles softly at the implication, before tilting her head up and responding “For now.”

He smiles and leans in to kiss her again.

Chapter Text

Curled up on her couch, Reia flips the page of her book, eyes scanning the ink on the page as she takes in the story. It’s rather well-timed, as she has neared the end of the chapter when the bell rings.

Quickly finishing the chapter, Reia picks up the bookmark – one that matches the book’s colour – she has been using while getting up and places it between the pages. She leaves her book on the table as she walks past it to the hallway, knowing Gin will most likely take up all the space around the couch building nest of pillows and blankets, so she doesn’t want to leave it there.

As soon as she opens the door, she is greeted with a big hug from Gin “Big sis Reia!”

“Hello you too.” She responds with a smile, easily maintaining her balance as she had expected this.

She looks up to find Shin is closing her door. Once he finishes, they lock eyes and he offers her a smile. It’s a much softer smile, one that fully reaches his eyes. It suits him.

She returns the smile before gently prying Gin off her “I have provided snacks. You know the way, right?”

Gin nods eagerly, holding up his gloved hands in front of him “Of course, woof! I’ll gather all the pillows… and blankets so the loner doesn’t get cold, meow!”

Once Gin has ran off to gather said items, Reia double-checks the locks on the door “I see you’re so obvious about getting cold easily that even Gin has picked up on it.”

Shin shrugs “In my defence, he kept bugging me all the way here about why I wear winter clothes in summer.”

“Rightfully so.”

They remain standing in the hallway for a moment, just looking at each other with gentle smiles, before Reia leans closer to give him a brief kiss. When she steps away, she notices a pink hue on his cheeks, but he doesn’t seem to mind it. She just smiles to herself before leading her way to the living room.

Neither of them have explained it to Gin yet – that they decided to give a relationship a chance – and she’s certain that he won’t pick up on it if they don’t tell him, unless they’re extremely obvious. It’s not like she’s trying to hide it from him. It just hadn’t really crossed her mind yet, until Shin offered to pick up Gin so she could feel more comfortable staying at home. At that point, they just agreed that she would find an opportunity to tell Gin in person, since she has known him longer and doesn’t have… an awkward history with him.

“You’re already halfway in?” Shin questions, noticing the book on her table while Reia grabs snacks and drinks.

“Well, I had to finish another book I was already reading before I could start the one you gave me so…” His words finally register in her head “Oh, you meant that I’m fast?”

“Obviously.” Although Shin rolls his eyes, his expression and tone carry obvious amusement “Your response makes it even crazier though. How ridiculously fast do you read?”

“I can easily finish a book in a day if I have time and energy…” She trails off. Her energy has been a little lacking lately. He fortunately doesn’t comment on it either, so she continues as if she didn’t mention it “Although it depends whether or not I’m reading it for the first time, things like that.”

“The more time I spend with you, the more I realize what a massive nerd you are.”

“You only just realized?”

Before they can continue their playful banter – or exchange another kiss given the smiles they give each other – Gin interrupts by calling out “Loner, help me carry everything, woof!”

After exchanging a look, Reia gives him a gentle nudge “You heard him.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Shin responds, going over to where Gin has been raiding her closets for extra pillows and blankets.

Reia keeps looking at him with a gentle smile for a little longer, before he disappears into the room and she returns to her task at hand. She grabs a tray to place everything on, knowing that will be the easiest way to carry it all without needing to take multiple trips. They’re short trips, but still. She rarely uses the tray anyways and needs and excuse to do so.

She doesn’t carry it to the couch yet though, since Gin still has to set up his pillow fort. She is glad she didn’t, because she has to stifle a laugh when they return, Gin almost drowning in the stack of pillows he’s carrying while Shin holds only a few blankets. He catches her eye and shrugs. Reia is certain Gin would have insisted on carrying everything himself if he could and that’s why he would only let Shin help a little. That, and building the pillow fort is the task Gin always leads – she just follows his instructions.

She goes over to help Gin assemble the fort, patiently waiting until he asks her to spread out the pillows in front of the couch, which she does. She has done this plenty of times before, enough to know which order Gin prefers even, but she knows better than to take over his task without being asked to do so. It would bother him tremendously.

Shin, however, is more unsure of himself. He awkwardly stands there until Gin pipes up “Loner, you help too! Hold the blanket up over there, meow!”

Gin holds out one side of the blanket to Shin, which he takes with only a little hesitation, before following Gin’s instructions as they all work together.

It’s… nice. It feels like they’re just normal people, rather than survivors of horrific death games.

“Alright, Gin, which movie did you want me to ruin with my commentary?” Reia asks, having grabbed the snacks. She adds “I know you find my comments entertaining, don’t worry.”

Gin nods at the last statement and digs through his bag before holding out a DVD to her “This one, woof!”

Reia takes the DVD and flips it to quickly scan the synopsis on the back. Nothing that stands out too much yet, but she doesn’t have high hopes for the accuracy. Unfortunately, majoring in a science ruins any media with said science in it, as most media sacrifice accuracy for entertainment. A choice that is understandable, but one that is painful every time she sees it.

She turns everything on and settles down on the layer of pillows between Shin and Gin, the former trying hard to look aloof and not like he was waiting for her to join him. She gives him a knowing smile, sitting a little closer than she would have otherwise. As usual, he has wrapped himself in a blanket. From the corner of her eyes, Reia notes Gin is already hoarding the bowl of his favourite snack. She had expected that.

As the opening credits roll, she feels Shin’s fingers brush past the back of her hand. Glancing at him, she tilts her palm upward, allowing him to interlace their fingers. When he meets her eyes, they briefly smile at each other again.

She’s about to tease him about his hand getting cold like this, but then he covers both of their hands with the blanket he’s under. She decides to just accept that she’ll have one very warm hand. The temperature outside isn’t too bad right now, so she can manage.

The opening scene already has her cringing as the camera pans across a lab “Of course they put a stopper on a flask that’s actively being heated. All the gases that form during the reaction definitely won’t build up and explode if you do so, no…”

~*~

By the end of the movie, Reia is resting her head against the couch, having tilted it back as soon as the credits rolled. She groans audibly “And this is why ethics classes are mandatory in most STEM majors.”

Gin giggles, which prompts her to smile. She doesn’t mind watching these kind of movies, but she would never do so on her own, so she is glad that he is entertained.

“You were right, Gin.” Shin leans forward to look at the boy “The commentary is funny.”

Without making eye contact, Gin nods eagerly “I told you so, woof!”

“I’m glad you’re both revelling in my pain.” She looks over at Gin “I’m being dramatic. It was nice to watch a movie with you.”

“Can we do this again, meow?”

“Of course.” Reia glances over at Shin for a reaction. It takes him a moment to register her silent prompt, but when he does, he nods. Gin’s expression lights up, so she allows him to relish in it a little longer before sitting up a little straighter “But I believe you should head home soon. Your mother must be waiting for you.”

Gin pouts, but Shin slowly gets up, steadying himself with a hand on Reia’s shoulder “I’ll go put on my coat, then you can say goodbye to Reia.”

“Are you certain you don’t mind?” Reia inquires, knowing Shin plans to return afterwards. When he nods, she says “Alright then. But a coat in this weather?”

“You should know me by now.” He brushes her off with a smile, heading to the front door.

“I do.” She confirms, before turning towards Gin and opening her arms for him. He immediately hugs her “Do you not want to go home yet?”

“No, meow.” Gin mutters against her shoulder.

“We’ll arrange for you to stay here for dinner next time, but your mother is expecting you home today.”

“I know.” Gin pulls away, but making no move to get up “Is everything okay with the loner, woof?”

Reia does her best to keep her expression in check, wondering what prompted such a question “Everything is alright. Why do you ask?”

“I dunno.” Gin shrugs “You two seem… different, meow.”

Part of her wants to burst out laughing – of course he could pick up on the change in behaviour even if he couldn’t put the pieces together, despite being the one ask about their romantic interest in each other – but she doesn’t, not wanting to make him feel bad about asking a reasonable question.

“It’s a good different, one that we’re both happy with.” She clarifies, which erases the concern from Gin’s expression and instead replaces it with confusion “You were right, Gin. Shin and I…” She contemplates what term to use, then decides to settle on the one Gin himself used way back when “We like each other.”

Gin’s eyes widen, but then they seem to glinster “So are you a couple then, woof?”

She nods. Both of them had been hesitant with using that exact terminology – neither of them had dared to utter the words boyfriend or girlfriend yet either – but it’s essentially what they are. They’re just still getting in the getting used to it stage.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give him a stern talking to about being nice to you, meow!” Gin says firmly, standing up.

“As long as you are nice to him about it.” Reia amends, knowing full well she can’t completely dissuade him from doing this.

“A nice stern talking to, woof.” Gin nods.

“Alright then. Give my regards to your parents.”

“I will!”

~*~

Shin indeed makes a comment about Gin firmly reminding him to be nice to Reia when he returns – at which point she has already started cooking and he quickly swoops in to help. After dinner, they spend the rest of the evening in relative silence. They sit side by side on her couch, with Reia reading her book and Shin working on his laptop. He leans into her, and at some point she absentmindedly traces circles on his shoulder. They do occasionally speak up, mostly when they feel the need to share their thoughts or ideas on what they're doing respectively.

It's comfortable, peaceful even.

Of course, nightfall brings back hardships.

When Reia returns from the bathroom, having finished her evening routine, she notices Shin sitting on the edge of her bed, staring off into space. It’s a look she has come to recognize on him, one that often results in his eyes getting glossy and his voice getting tense. She carefully steps into his field of vision before calling out his name.

After recovering from the initial surprise, Shin shakes his head “Sorry. Must’ve been zoning out again.”

Suppressing a frown that tugs at her brows, Reia doesn’t ask yet. Instead she lays down, waiting for him to do the same. When he does, she lifts her arm, wrapping it around him when he accepts the invitation and moves closer. He exhales deeply.

“Zoning out is kind of your equivalent of my nightmares, isn’t it…?” She inquires, gently running her fingers through his hair.

There’s a beat of silence, but finally he says “Yeah… Less violent, but… yeah.”

“Memories?”

“Always.” She can feel him lean into her a little more when he says it “I… I mostly keep seeing her over and over again… Kanna.”

He falls silent again, so Reia waits until he is ready to continue, or until she’s certain he has nothing left to say.

He continues “And I keep remembering how horrible I was…”

There’s nothing she can say to that. Regardless of how she views him and who he is now, she can’t take his past regrets away. She doesn’t know how it feels to resent one’s past self to such an extend either.

She just gently squeezes his shoulder “I’m here should you need me…”

“I know.” He sighs. After a moment, he mutters “You’re really warm.”

“Well, I am the one with proper circulation here.”

He finally smiles at that.

Chapter Text

Summer vacation is almost over.

Most people don’t look forward to the end of it, but Reia dreads it almost as much she dreaded the start of it. Before she might have been glad, but now the end of summer vacation just meant the end of safety. She has things to do at university, places to be. She can no longer hide in the safety of her own home – regardless of how unhealthy that is. Going back to university means going back to her routine, and routines are much easier to crack than spontaneous appointments here and there. It doesn't help that the end of summer vacation for her university is information that is freely available. Natsuo will know that she needs to be somewhere every day again, and going out daily drastically increases her chances of running into him.

“Why don’t I take you on a proper date?” Shin suggests when she mentions her worries to him.

“Huh?” She looks up. For a moment she wonders if he’s joking. Going out when she’s already worried about the increased frequency of going out, seriously?

He is indeed dead serious.

“Only if you want to, but I thought that maybe it’d help to not go somewhere alone for the first time after a while.”

“So essentially exposure therapy?”

“I guess?”

She gives it some thought, then sighs “Yeah, it’s probably better than having to do it by myself when I’m forced to. At least your way I’ll have some control over the situation.” She could always leave “What did you have in mind?”

“Just leave it to me. I have an idea.” Shin smiles “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know before the day arrives.”

“I like knowing what to expect.” She agrees with a small smile “Alright, let’s at least pick a date now. When are you available?”

~*~

Despite her anxiety, Reia does feel somewhat excited when the day finally arrives, which is mainly thanks to the place Shin suggested they visit. He came to her apartment first, as usual, before they took public transport to get to the city centre. It had been overwhelming to be surrounded by so many people again after a while and she had tightly held onto Shin’s hand to not lose each other in the crowd.

She relaxes when the door of the cafe closes behind them, blocking most of the noise and crowds. He seems more at ease here too.

As usual, she orders something with caffeine. Though she does try a sip of Shin’s tea and agrees with him that it’s good. He teases her that he’s usually right in his choice of tea.

However, the best part of this cafe is easily the bookstore that’s part of it that takes up more than the back half of the building. They spend at least an hour browsing shelves, occasionally parting ways when looking for different topics and genres. Whereas Reia easily gets lost in focusing on the books, Shin comes to occasionally check where she is. The first few times he brushed it off by joking if she could make a choice with so many options available, but once it became obvious, he admitted that he needed to know she’s still there. She just nodded and returned the favour by occasionally looking for him when she was inbetween things she was focusing on.

At least she restrains herself somewhat by only buying two books – although this is in part because it was a relatively small bookstore.

“I’m surprised you only got two. I’d expected you to get at least half the store.” Shin comments when they leave with their purchases, hands linked between them as they walk.

Reia smiles and rolls her eyes “In my defence, I’d already read some of the ones that would’ve interested me.”

“That explains things. I would’ve thought something was wrong otherwise.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a massive nerd, I’m well aware.” She gently bumps shoulders with him “I major in STEM, Shin. What did you expect?”

He doesn’t respond, but when she looks over at him he’s already looking at her, a soft smile on his face. A question must have been visible on her expression, because he says “Nothing bad, don’t worry. It’s just… I’m starting to like hearing you say my name.”

She smiles at the admission, leaning into him a little – which is awkward as they walk, but she doesn’t care “Then I’ll keep saying it.”

After a pause, he says “You seem more comfortable.”

“I am.” She confirms, although she’s still holding the strap of her back, a nervous habit “You keep my mind from wandering to… darker places. It helps. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we did this.”

He squeezes her hand in response “Anytime.”

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

“I’m okay with that. I feel fine.”

~*~

She should have known that good things never last.

They had ended up taking a break in a park outside of the city centre at her suggestion, mainly because Shin seemed to need one, so they spent some time just talking there. Reia hadn’t even realized that it had been getting late until the sky turned from blue to pink and orange as the sun neared the horizon.

She was nervous – she has never liked the dark after all and she doubted they would be home before then – but managed to comfort herself with Shin’s presence.

They were just gathering their belongings to leave when she suddenly feels uncomfortable. She can’t place it, but something feels off…

Then she hears footsteps.

She didn’t hear them before. He must have stayed on the grass to muffle the sound, only coming out of hiding now. How long he has been here, she doesn’t know.

Even though she doesn’t want to – she can tell by Shin’s hardened expression as he looks over her shoulder – Reia turns around to confirm that she isn’t going crazy.

She meets Natsuo’s golden eyes.

“Rei.” He says, voice breaking like a plea.

She remains frozen for a moment and eventually only her mouth manages to move, voice quiet and shaking with every word as they leave her lips “Don’t call me that.”

She doesn’t know why she chooses those words out of all possibilities. Maybe because they cover all her feelings in a single line. They’re not friends anymore – they haven’t been for a long time – and she wants to sever any connection they once had. He doesn’t get to call her by the familiar nickname her friends use.

Natsuo seems to understand their meaning, because hurt flashes across his expression. His frown deepens. He scratches at his neck, nails running past recent scars “Please…”

Reia feels Shin’s presence beside her before he even takes her hand. If she had been more aware of surroundings she would have noticed he’s carrying both of their bags. She would have seen the way he scans their surroundings and how his expression hardens when he doesn’t see any other people. It’s just them and her former friend.

Her former friend who is clearly not entirely there anymore.

The hurt fades from Natsuo’s eyes to make way for a flash of anger “Is he the reason you stopped talking to me? He told you to, didn’t he?! You’d never do something like that unless someone told you to!”

There’s no reasoning with crazy. Considering how much Natsuo has actively stalked her, he must have known she didn’t even know Shin back then. Yet the need to deescalate the situation kicks in “Don’t be ridiculous. We hadn’t even met when I decided to stop talking to you…”

“You’re lying! You’re just trying to take the blame and shoulder the burden as always!”

She should have realized in that moment, that just like the Natsuo she knew didn’t exist anymore, the Reia he knew didn’t either. The person he talked about was nothing but an image he constructed from old memories of their lives together that he projected onto the current her, and unlike her – who had and still grieved their past selves – he wouldn’t accept any other version. His mind simply couldn’t seem to comprehend it.

“Look,” Shin’s calm voice pierces the storm that’s brewing between them, “just leave her alone. That’s all she asks. That’s all I ask. For you to stop hurting her.”

“You think you know what she wants?” Natsuo scoffs. His eyes flicker to their intertwined hands. His hand twitches “We’ve been friends since we were kids. I won’t let you get between that!”

Reia notices it before Shin does – because Natsuo is right about one thing, they had known each other for years before their falling out. Despite the many changes, she still recognizes some of his habits, including the angry ones.

She reacts faster too, releasing Shin’s hand to push him behind her and try to catch Natsuo’s wrist. However, besides taller, Natsuo has also always been stronger than her. The force he put behind the movement is too much as easily breaks any attempt at a grip she made.

A sharp pain shoots through her lower abdomen.

“Reia!”

She hadn’t realized she stumbled until Shin grabs her shoulders and the pain finally registers. She can just make out the shock on Natsuo’s face and how he takes a step back before black dots dance across her vision. She just manages to sit down, hearing voices but they sound distant.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“I don’t care if you meant to!” Shin snaps, clutching Reia’s shoulders as her vision slowly begins to clear.

And she sees the pocket knife lodged in her body.

Natsuo keeps muttering apologies, but his voice grows quieter as he takes more steps back and eventually… he runs.

“Fuck…” Shin wipes his obviously clammy hands on his pants after helping Reia lay down without hitting her head “Don’t leave me.”

His voice is trembling as much as his hands when they reach for the knife and she grabs his wrists. Her grip is a little weak, but it stops him “Don’t. In case of puncture wounds, you need to leave in the object… It prevents further blood loss.”

“You’re still awake…” Shin mutters, not even daring to pull his hands back. Her grip seems to be the only thing keeping him together right now.

“I can still think clearly enough.” She confirms, although her mind feels a little more tired than usual. She slides her hands down to hold his, putting as much strength into it as she can muster so he knows she’s there “I’m not leaving you, Shin.”

He frowns “You can’t promise that.”

“I can improve my odds.” She takes a deep breath, even though it hurts “I need you to call emergency services and provide an exact location. Make sure they know it’s a crime scene and they get the evidence: the pocket knife.”

Shin nods, the only hesitation is in his shaky movements because he acts quickly, pulling out his phone to dial the emergency number. She hears him talk to the person on the other end, his trembling voice rushed and lined with frustration. He stumbles over his words. She tightens her grip on his hand a little.

She can feel her mind begin to drift, but forces herself to focus.

Shin’s hand immediately returns to hers as soon as he hangs up the phone “They’re on their way.”

“Good.” She says, noticing the tension in his jaw when he speaks “Shin?”

“What is it?”

“Keep talking to me.” She doesn’t add the reason why, knowing that telling him she needs to stay awake will probably only further his panic “I’ll do whatever I can to come back to you.”

“I need you to come back.” He echoes, gently pulling her hands to his chest “I can’t lose you too.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.”

They keep repeating words along the same lines, even if the assurances might turn out to be empty promises. Reia can slowly feel her consciousness drift. Even as the sound of sirens reaches her ears, they sound distant.

She barely registers her body being hoisted onto a stretcher and multiple people talking before everything slowly fades to black.

Chapter Text

Reia wakes up alone.

Actually, she’s pretty certain that she has been awake for a little while now, but she has no clear memory of it. She figures it must be the effects of anaesthetic, judging by the gauze wrapped around her abdomen and the glaring lights of the hospital. She isn’t currently hooked up to any machines, only an IV. That’s a good sign at least.

She slowly turns her head to look around the room. Nothing to her left, but to her right a nurse is closing the curtains. It’s dark outside. It must be night or at the very least late evening.

The nurse turns back around “Ah, you’re fully awake now?”

Reia tries to speak, but her throat is dry and the sound she makes comes out incredibly raspy, so she just nods while trying to clear her throat. The nurse hands her a glass of water that was on the small table beside her hospital bed.

“Easy.” The nurse keeps holding the glass as Reia takes a sip – her own hands are far too shaky “You woke up from surgery an hour ago, so you might still be a little unsteady. We’re going to keep you overnight.” She puts the glass away again “The young man that was with you…”

“Shin…” Reia chokes out, feeling a rush of panic flood her system. She barely has the sense to not shoot upright – she shouldn’t to avoid hurting herself. He must have been so worried.

The nurse nods “Shin Tsukimi was his name, yes. He has refused to leave, but since he’s not immediate family or listed as a contact, we had to wait for your permission. I take it you know him?”

“He’s… he’s my boyfriend.” Reia heaves a sigh. She swallows the lump that forms in her throat at the thought of him waiting for any news “Please… let him in.”

The nurse nods again. Then she leaves the room.

Alone again, Reia releases a breath and sinks further into the pillow, the bed itself being the only thing keeping her semi-upright. She doesn’t feel any pain at least – whatever they gave her must still be working rather well – just drained. Her mind and body are both exhausted, but she doesn’t want to sleep yet. She knows what will await her if she does.

Besides, she needs to talk to Shin. She needs to let him hear her voice, to let him know she’ll be okay.

There’s talking in the hallway. Based on the change in volume it’s coming closer. It must be medical staff informing Shin of… something, probably instructions that she needs rest. Then the door opens, revealing a very familiar figure.

He looks horrible. His hair is a mess and he looks paler than usual. When he comes closer, she notices that his eyes are slightly red.

She slowly lifts a hand, turning it upwards. He immediately steps forward and takes it, holding it tightly between both of his hands as he sits down.

“You’re okay…” He whispers, mostly to himself.

Regardless, she echoes “I’m okay.”

When a stray tear rolls down his cheek, she lifts her other hand – mindful of the IV in the inside of her elbow – and wipes it away. She allows her hand to linger afterwards, and he leans into it, releasing a shaky breath.

“I’m not leaving you behind.” She continues.

Something seems to break in him upon hearing those words, because he lays down his head on the bed besides her… and starts shaking. Reia moves her hand up to gently run her fingers through his hair while he sobs, patiently waiting for him to let out any emotions that he must have been carrying the past few hours. It breaks her heart a little. Shin has never been one to cry openly – she has seen silent tears before, but sobbing is an entirely different thing – so the fact that he is means that this really impacted him.

“They did tell me the surgery had been successful…” Shin mutters once he has calmed down a little, although he still hasn’t lifted his head “But…”

“You needed to see me to believe it?” She inquires, receiving a nod of confirmation.

“I… I was worried.” He slowly lifts his head, sitting upright, or at least upright for his standards. His posture is still awful “I know Natsuo meant to hit me, not you. If…” He stops, voice sounding strained with emotion “Having someone who means the world to me sacrifice themselves for me again…”

Now that she thinks about it, it was probably for the best that she took a hit. She doesn’t know what Natsuo would have been capable of. He might have kept attacking Shin repeatedly until there was no hope of saving him. However, because he hit her – the person he still considered his best friend – he froze in shock and ran away.

It hadn’t been exactly intentional, but by trying to stop Natsuo and getting struck in the process, she might have saved Shin’s life.

Reia doesn’t mention it, instead opting to comfort him “I’m alive, Shin. It’s not happening again.”

He nods, tracing his thumb across her hand “I’m glad.”

“I’m glad too.”

“Reia?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

She smiles.

“I love you too.”

~*~

Recovery isn’t easy.

Reia has known that for a long time, at least when it comes to mental pain. It doesn’t surprise her that it also applies to physical injuries.

The first few days after surgery, she remains in the hospital. Due to the knife puncturing the small intestine, they placed her on a course of antibiotics and had to keep monitoring inflammatory values to ensure everything would be okay and she wouldn’t go septic. It took quite some reassuring to get Shin to stop borderline panicking at the terminology used. Either way, he barely left her side those days.

The most horrible part was definitely the pain setting in. While painkillers managed to take the sharpest edge off it, the constant presence of throbbing pain was absolutely maddening.

When they finally release her from the hospital and recommend she has someone help her with daily tasks for a little while, Shin doesn’t even hesitate to step up. If he could, he probably would have taken off work for a while to do so, but after a little convincing they enlist Ayako’s and Naoki’s help, who don’t hesitate either. Fortunately, all of them know her well enough to know that she’s bound to get restless, so they provide her with distractions – mainly ones that take the form of books.

“I read this one recently. I bet you’ll enjoy it.” Ayako says when she drops by while Shin is at work, handing Reia a book.

“Naoki has already been insisting I read our journals first too. You three have been spoiling me.” Reia mumbles with a small smile, taking a look at the synopsis.

“That’s what friends are for… and boyfriends!” Ayako sits down on the edge of the bed next to Reia “Besides, I’ll probably get this one back when Naoki drops by tomorrow, knowing you.”

Reia chuckles “You’re not entirely wrong…”

“I’m absolutely correct and you know it.”

“Sure.”

Ayako eyes the stack of papers on the nightstand and, much quieter, she asks “Are you gonna be okay?”

Casting her eyes down, Reia mutters “I have to be.” She sighs “I don’t want to have to be there, really, but…”

“This is your chance to be free.”

She nods.

Ayako heaves a sigh “At least rub it in everyone’s face that it only got to this point because they ignored you for so long. I wanna see them squirm.”

“I’ll be more subtle about it, but don’t worry, it’ll definitely be mentioned. If not by me, then Shin certainly will. He is… quite bitter about it.”

“Rightfully so. So am I, except I’m running on spite and pettiness rather than bitterness.” Ayako rubs the side of her head “I’m glad he’s gonna be with you. We will be too of course, but not being witnesses and all…”

“I know, you’ll be a little further back. I appreciate your support nonetheless.” Reia reaches out to take her friend’s hand.

“We can do this.” Ayako says firmly “We’ve come this far. This is just the final stretch.”

“I know.” A sad smile crosses Reia’s face “I just wish it hadn’t come to this.”

“You deserve peace and a happy life, Rei. If we have to go to court to achieve that… I’ll do it without hesitation.” Ayako sighs “Who knows, maybe it’ll bring Natsuo the help he needs and he can finally recover too… far away from us.”

Reia nods “I hope so. I wish him the best… but like you said, far from us. I never want to face him again.”

“After this court case, you’ll never have to. They can’t brush something like this under the rug anymore.”

Reia presses her lips together, remembering how Keiji mentioned that Asunaro has hooks in the police force. The newest evidence is a pretty strong nail in the coffin that is her case, but will it be enough? She doesn’t dare to believe it yet.

Still, she says “I hope so.”

She really wants to believe it.

Chapter Text

A few months have passed since then.

Reia still finds herself looking over her shoulder when she enters her apartment building. She still sighs in relief when the elevator doors close behind her and she sees no unwanted familiar faces. She still feels most secure when her front door falls shut and she has confirmed that everything is locked.

They are scars that will never fade, even though it has been blissfully quiet for months.

However, she has been grateful for the peace, especially now that she started an internship for her degree. It would be much more difficult to uproot her life.

Besides, she doesn’t want to uproot it and have to start over again.

“Welcome home.” Shin greets her from where he is working on his laptop at the table. She assumes he is coding again.

She puts the bags of groceries down to approach him and place a soft kiss on his lips. The one she gives him is brief – a simple kiss to say she’s home – but he gently touches her face to bring her in for another, longer one.

He isn’t always there greet her when she gets home. Sometimes he has a slightly later shift, although he tries to take the earlier ones nowadays. After some prodding he admitted that he liked being home with her, so he changed his hours to align better with her schedule, being the one with more flexibility.

They moved in together around two months ago. During her recovery Shin had already practically lived with her, so even though they lived apart for a while once she had regained her independence, it wasn’t a big step to live together. They both do better when they’re not alone, especially since he occasionally needed the reassurance that she was okay since the attack, so it was an easy decision to make. It might have seemed fast for outsiders looking in, but they have been through so much together, it wasn’t strange at all.

“You shouldn’t distract me too much. Ayako and Naoki should be here soon.” She reminds him when they pull away.

Shin shrugs, clearly not feeling sorry at all “How dare I want to kiss my girlfriend.”

“While I certainly don’t mind the affection, I’d rather not be startled by the doorbell. You know I tend to focus a little too much.” She smiles.

“You definitely hyperfocus.” Shin agrees, getting up to help her put the groceries away. He takes the bag with most of the lighter items. They both explain them being in a separate bag to avoid having them be crushed, but his lack of physical strength is definitely a contributing factor.

Fortunately, as long as she doesn’t make it obvious, he usually accepts her help.

Reia picks up the other bag and takes a step forward when something suddenly brushes past her legs “Ao, one day I’m going to end up on the floor because I tripped over you.”

Oblivious, the white cat just stares up at her with her big blue eyes – the reason they named her Ao. Shin often likes to comment that Ao matches Reia’s colour scheme, given the white and blue. Right now, he chuckles at her words.

“Oh, be quiet, you. It was your idea after all.” Reia huffs with a smile.

“Studies say that having a pet helps you take care of yourself.” Shin responds, leaning down to pet Ao when she circles around his legs.

“And that wasn’t just an excuse to get a cat?”

“I mean, you gladly took the excuse when I suggested it, so…”

She just shushes him.

“I’ve been thinking…” Shin begins after a moment of silence.

Reia hums to indicate that she’s listening and prompt him to continue, putting the last items away.

“I think I’m gonna go back to school.”

She closes the cabinet with a little more force than she should have in surprise. It probably shouldn’t have been such a shock – she has occasionally caught glimpses of him looking at universities on his laptop – but that he has reached the point of contemplation where he is actively telling her about his ideas does surprise her a little.

“Really?” She asks and he nods. The surprise in her expression washes away, making room for a genuine smile as she wraps her arms around him “That’s amazing.”

Shin easily returns the embrace “I figured I’d need a degree if I wanted to do something I liked. Be something more than a job-hopper.”

“What degree will you be pursuing?” She asks, pulling back a little to look at him.

“A very predictable one.”

“By any chance… computer science?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re right. That is predictable.” Reia says with a chuckle “But it suits you. Let me know if you need help navigating enrollment or the like, okay?”

“I think I’ll manage, but thanks.” He places a gentle kiss on her cheek “I… You’ve really changed my life, Reia.” He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, not quite looking at her “I no longer want to be stagnant. It might take some figuring out… but I want to try, thanks to you.”

“Isn’t that what life is, figuring it out as we go?” She smiles, then softly adds “You’ve changed my life too, Shin. I don’t think I’d be like this if it weren’t for you. I’m so grateful I met you.”

The softness in his eyes when he smiles at her in return is enough to melt her, and despite her earlier statements about distraction, she kisses him again, slowly.

Their kisses tend to be like that; gentle, careful even, but so very loving. As if they need to convey every emotion they hold.

Unsurprisingly, the doorbell startles her and her entire body tenses.

“Sorry.” Shin offers an apologetic smile.

“Don’t be. I initiated this one.” She assures him before leaving to let her friends in, almost tripping over Ao yet again on her way.

That’s life with a cat.

After confirming it’s them, Reia opens the door to let her friends in, immediately receiving a tight embrace from Ayako while Naoki has the sense to close the door behind him.

“Still happy to see me?” Reia inquires, raising an eyebrow while Ayako pulls away. She then goes to close the door.

“Girl, I’ve been missing you since we no longer have courses together.” Ayako huffs.

“She’s still complaining about it.” Naoki agrees, leaning down to gently scratch Ao’s head. Then he opens his bag, handing her a journal “Before I forget, I finished this one.”

“That’s a good idea, actually. Let me grab the one I had so I don’t forget about it.” Reia says over her shoulder as she begins to walk away.

“Hi Shin.” Ayako says when she enters the leaving room, receiving a greeting in return. Then she crouches down “Hi Ao.”

“Ayako has been pestering me that we should get a cat too.” Naoki comments while Reia hands him her journal.

“I haven’t been ‘pestering’ you!” When she receives a look from all three people in the room, Ayako mutters “Okay, maybe a little…” She’s still petting Ao “Still, Rei, I’m kinda glad Shin convinced you to get a cat. You definitely seem like a cat person.”

“To be fair, it didn’t take a lot of convincing.” Shin shrugs.

“Oh! We have some news too!” Ayako stands up, tugging on Naoki’s hand, who just smiles warmly at her.

“Well? Don’t leave us hanging.” Reia prompts.

“Alright, this is our news!” Ayako holds out her hand, palm facing downwards.

The sunlight catches on the gemstone at the centre of the ring on her finger, scattering the light.

“Congratulations.” Reia smiles warmly, hugging her friend tightly before moving onto Naoki “It’s a very nice prism.”

“I know, right?” Ayako laughs.

“That’s part of the reason why I picked that one.” Naoki admits.

Having congratulated the couple, Shin shakes his head at all of them “I’m used to Reia, but you’re all such massive nerds.”

Reia nudges Naoki “Did you finally gather the courage to ask her?”

Naoki shrugs, smiling “More like her parents finally begrudgingly accepted my existence.”

“That’s… progress, I suppose.”

“Oh, they’re going to be in-laws from hell, I just know it.” Ayako pipes up. She hooks her arm through Naoki’s “But I can handle them. Besides, they know if they’re gonna keep up the crappy attitudes, they won’t be invited to the wedding.”

“I’d prefer if it didn’t come to that, but…” Naoki sighs “We love each other. If they can’t accept that, it’s their loss.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Shin says.

“Don’t worry. You two will be the first to receive an invite once we pick a date.” Ayako beams, holding up her index finger and looking at Reia.

Reia chuckles “Good. I’d be a little offended if I didn’t.”

“Rightfully so.” Ayako smiles, lowering her hand to let it hang by her side as she looks between the other couple “I’m happy for you, Rei. It feels like you’re finally living the life you deserve.”

Reia glances over at Shin, who clearly had the same idea since they make eye contact. She just smiles.

Their life isn’t an easy one. Although good days like these have thankfully become more frequent, bad days still linger. Reia still wakes up from violent nightmares from time to time. Shin still zones out and gets lost in his memories at random intervals. There are days that she struggles to even get out of bed. The first few times he saw the scar from Natsuo’s attack on her body, Shin had a small breakdown Reia had to talk him out of. The hurt runs deep all around.

But even though there are scars on their souls that may never heal completely, that is something they have come to terms with. They’re just two broken souls that managed to find each other in a messy world, and they’re figuring it out together. They want this, this stupidly simple, peaceful life.

Even if the road to recovery is a long one that may never end completely, the obstacles get smaller. Everything seems a little less daunting along the way.

And above all, it helps if you don’t have to take the journey alone, but can hold somebody’s hand along the way.