Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Balancing on your tiptoes you reached towards the cereal box. You could feel every single muscle in your body stretch, even ones you had no clue existed. But all the effort to no avail.

Since when did you store the cereals on that shelf?

You shook your head in frustration and started a new attempt. For extra support, you decided to hold onto the last shelf you could grab. You were groaning and hissing every time the box slid further to the back, in the meantime just as far back that you could only feel it with your fingertips. You tried to climb on top of the counter but almost slipped. Deciding that this probably would end badly you hopped down again.

This Monday had already started with sleeping in, stubbing your pinky toe and now probably going to work hungry. At this rate, you didn’t want to risk a burst-open skull.

Giving up you put your head into your hands in defeat and let out a frustrated hiss while cursing under your breath. You rubbed your temples to ease some tension when you suddenly heard a deep chuckle behind you. You jumped around in surprise just to see Loki leaning against the door frame of the kitchen. His arms crossed in front of his body and an amused smirk on his lips. He must have fallen out of bed just now, his hair still dishevelled and only wearing his pyjama pants.

„Gosh, Loki! We talked about this! One day you‘re gonna be the death of me!“ you grumbled at him. A shit-eating grin lit up on his face. He uncrossed his arms and slowly sauntered towards you.

“My, oh my. You’re so feisty when you’re grumpy.” he pointed out sarcastically and leaned against the kitchen counter right next to you.

"And while we’re at it, if you need to watch me struggle, you could at least refrain from giggling like a little girl." You glared a him, ignoring his remark.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help it. You just look too adorable when you struggle.” he bit his lip, trying to suppress his smug smile. You rolled your eyes at his comment and turned around to challenge your luck once more.

"You know, you could at least help me instead of making fun of me." You groaned when the box slipped out of your grasp once again, at last out of reach.

"You know, you could at least ask for help if you can't reach it." he teased cheekily. You gave him another annoyed look.

"It's too early for that many words," you stated dramatically, earning a laugh from Loki.

"So you're not that hungry I guess." he shrugged and turned around to leave.

"Wait, no. Loki!" you took a hold of his arm. You swallowed your pride and sighed heavily.

"My dear, strong and loving husband... would you be so kind and help your wife, who's struggling immensely right now, to get to her most important meal of the day? Pretty please?" you fluttered your eyelashes at him and pouted.

"If you ask so nicely, my love. I gladly help my damsel in distress." he grinned while walking over to the cupboard and reaching for the cereal box with ease.

"There you go." he held it in front of you but raised it above his head once you reached for it. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Don’t I get any recognition for my heroic act?” he raised his eyebrow quizzically. You huffed amused.

“Thank you my knight in shining armor! You will always have my deep gratitude for your heroic service.” you dramatically proclaimed.

“As much as I appreciate your words of gratitude, I was thinking of something more like a reward...” he wiggled his eyebrows. You tried to hold back your laugh at his request. You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance and gave him a quick peck on his lips. You pulled away but were tugged tightly against his chest again, his free hand having a tight grasp around your back. He dipped down, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, making you weak in your knees.

When he released you with a soft smile, he handed you the box. You took it giddily, starting to prepare a bowl for each of you. Loki snaked his arms around you from behind, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, his lashes tickling your jaw.

"Good morning." he softly kissed your neck, his still raspy voice made you shiver.

"Good morning to you too."

Chapter Text

"Stop! Mercy!" you giggled. Loki was currently hovering over you, tickling you mercilessly.

"Stop, please! I can't breathe!" Your limbs were flying in all directions, desperately trying to get out of Loki's grasp. He stopped for a brief moment.

"You know what you have to do for me to stop." he glared at you.

"Never!" you exclaimed. Instantly his hands were all over you again, leaving you a laughing mess.

"OK, ok. I surrender!" you yelled once it got just too much to bear. Loki stopped but left his hands hovering over your waist. He looked at you intentionally, waiting patiently for your next move. It took you some time to catch your breath to be able to say anything.

"I apologize. You are totally entitled to your opinion that hoarding daggers isn’t a weird hobby at all and that it’s totally normal to treat and care for them better than for actual people, and sometimes even better than for your significant other." you mocked despite your unfortunate position.

"Be careful, darling!" he warned in a deep growl, making the hairs on your neck stand up. Raising his right eyebrow and grinning slyly he started tickling again, making you burst out into laughter.

"Fine." you tried to push his hands away, "Daggers are indeed useful and pretty. Even I find them mesmerizing!" You raised your hands in defeat. Loki let himself fall beside you, propping his head up on his hand to look at you.

"There we go! Wasn’t that hard to admit it, was it?" he smiled at you content with his shit-eating grin.

“So tell me, which one of my collections is your favourite?” he excitedly asked, a happy glint in his eyes when he summoned most of his dagger collection in between the two of you on the couch.

You watched him in awe as he explained every single dagger after another, pointing out slight yet significant differences in weight, handling and sturdiness.

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"Hey.." his weary voice was barely raised over a whisper when he approached her. The hoarse sound of his voice betrayed him, revealing that he had cried.

"How are you doing?" The lack of an answer made him uncomfortably shift from one foot to another.

"I know it's a dumb question to start with but... I just don't know how to begin this." he motioned between them, then folded his hands in front of himself again.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to build up the courage to see you." he sighed at the use of his words.

"I still haven't come to terms with it, you know. It's hard to be without you. You're the most intelligent, beautiful and sarcastic human being I've ever had the pleasure to meet." he chuckled sadly as silence fell over them, his words lingering in the air.

"I still love you, and I'm never gonna stop. I wish we could turn back time and I could get another chance. I would do so many things differently, live instant to instant with you, enjoying every second I'm with you, not forgetting what really matters…

We had something great, you know. Something, in my opinion, perfect. A dream come true... it was too good to be true. Of course, we had our ups and downs but what matters is that we got even closer when we talked through our arguments... I miss them," he smiled weakly.

"We fought over the stupidest things, like that one time when we argued over who forgot to put on the kettle for tea. So silly... " he huffed with a grin, the memory washing over him. His smile fell once his mind settled on the present again.

"I didn't deserve you, I'm aware of that. I was always afraid that someday you would realize that I'm just a massive waste of time... but you still chose me. And you made me the happiest man alive when you said yes. And now, all of this is washed away... " Hot tears of frustration and sadness rolled down his cheeks.

"I can't move on, I don't want to move on. You were my everything. Everybody said it would get better after a while. But you've been gone for over 6 months now and it still breaks me every day.

When Tony walked out of that Quinjet after the mission with this horrible expression on his face... and when he told me that-” Loki's voice broke, sobs taking over his body. It took him a moment to pull himself together again.

“I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a bad joke. When I saw you lying on a bed in the med bay, it looked like you were sleeping peacefully, sleeping off the strain of a mission like you always did. But when I reached down to trace your cheek you were so… cold.” he breathed out, all his sorrow rushing through him as he relived that horrible day in his mind again.

“And then they told me that you died instantly... everything crashed down on me. They said it as if there was a measure of comfort in your quick death." He sobbed violently, sinking to the ground. Trying to compose himself, he ran a hand over his face, his fist stopping at his lips. He felt his teeth sink into the soft flesh of his hand, grounding him.

"I had so much to tell you and I had so many plans for us. I didn't even get a chance to say Goodbye. It's still so unreal.

Every time I come home from a mission and open our door, I expect to hear your laugh and to see you running up to me. I miss being able to see you, to feel you, to hear you, to smell you…

I un-expect your death so hard that a part of me believes it didn't happen. Every time I wake up in our bed and turn to your side, I expect to see you... but your side remains empty every single day.

When I vowed to stay with you til death, I didn't expect it to be so early... nor that it would be you." Tears were threatening to fall again, his throat was already hurting from all the tension and his overflowing emotions.

He leaned forward, the cold stone rubbing against his fingertips as he traced the chiselled letters of her name. Memories washed over him painfully.

"Happy anniversary, darling" he sobbed, "I love you!" He rose up, slowly leaving her grave behind him, trying his best to compose himself again.

Chapter Text

You sat at your desk doodling in your sketchbook when you heard a soft knock on your door.

“Come in,” you called, not even bothering to look up from your doodle.

You couldn’t see how the Trickster's head carefully peaked inside your room before he entered it hesitantly. When you heard the familiar click of your door lock you met his gaze.

“Hey Lo, what’s up?” you smiled sweetly at the God who stood there fumbling with his hands.

“I just wanted to tell you that I do like you.” he blurted out.

“Ok?” you watched him amused, not sure what to do with this information.

“And I would never leave you,” he added, his gaze never leaving yours.

“Thank you?” you chuckled slightly uneasy. You knew that Loki could be quite eccentric at times but you still hadn’t gotten used to his intensity sometimes.

“And if you like we could hang out tonight because I always have fun when we spend time together.” he continued, slowly stepping towards your desk.

“Sure?” you grinned at him. Did he really just want to coax you into a movie night?

“What do I owe the pleasure of your little prose?” you chuckled when he nonchalantly let himself fall onto the beanbag beside you as if nothing strange had just happened.

“I just wanted to make sure that you know that you’re loved and appreciated.” he rummaged through your book collection, suddenly not willing to meet your gaze anymore.

“Loki, are you okay?” you asked slightly worried now, “Are you dying?”

“What, no?!” Loki scoffed, his nose scrunching in that adorable way you adored.

“Oh, ok. Am I dying?” you asked a little horrified now.

“No! Why would I know if you were dying?” Loki asked bewildered as he looked at you blankly.

“I don’t know, you’re just kinda weird right now.” you reasoned, “Then what’s this all about?”

“It’s nothing. Is it that weird if a friend wants you to know that they love you and appreciate spending time with you?” he defended himself.

“No, but there are different ways of doing so.” you chuckled. “Come on, tell me. What was going on.” Loki looked at you like a little puppy that had ruined the carpet and knew it was wrong. He hesitated a while before he sighed in defeat.

“I might have heard you mumble to yourself earlier in the kitchen when you made yourself lunch...” he slowly confessed timidly “..and I might have eavesdropped when you said that no one liked you and left you and that they all were out having fun. And can I just say, you deserve much better friends than those jerks.” Loki rambled. He looked up at you when you didn't say a word. Your face seemed to be frozen in… shock? Loki only got more confused when you suddenly began to laugh uncontrollably.

“Oh you precious bean!” you snorted as you pulled him into a hug.

“What? What’s so funny?” he wrestled himself out of your arms.

“Nothing!” you brushed away a tear that had fallen down your cheek from laughing so hard.

“I wasn’t mumbling, I was humming.” you explained, “It was a song by Green Day that got stuck in my head a few days ago. Haven't you heard from them yet?”

“They must have bypassed me,” Loki mumbled visibly embarrassed.

“Then I know what we’re going to do tonight. You have to let me introduce you to the world of 90’s punk.” you declared with a smile, gladly fetching your CD collection from your shelf.