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Chapter Text

Alex let out an exasperated sigh as his alarm cut through the heavy silence of the flat. Another equally disgruntled sound escaped him as he slowly sat upright, still bleary-eyed and rather disorientated. He attempted to reach for his phone but instead was met with a stack of moving boxes that crashed down onto him.

Shit . Alex cursed inwardly at himself.

Carefully removing himself from the clutter that lay on his bed, he got to his feet and padded over to the window. His limbs protested loudly with every step. Alex frowned before adding ‘to properly install a bed frame’ as another addition to his ever-growing, mental to-do list. He’d only arrived in Brooklyn around 3 days ago, yet sleeping on a makeshift bed that was haphazardly thrown together - if you could even dare to call it a bed since it was just a mattress- had already started to take a toll on his body. It had seemed that every night the cold would seep into his bones, rendering his muscles aching the next morning. 

Drawing back the blinds, Alex took his time to fully take in the view from his apartment. There was a carpet of withered leaves that blanketed his window sill, which seemed to signify the early onset of Autumn; a rather capricious one at that. One that Alex duly noted to be full of ridiculously early mornings in order to get to lectures on time, as well as equally late walks back from said lectures.

Pausing to glance at his phone, Alex immediately stiffened.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

After some quick yet slightly questionable mental maths, Alex realised that he only had 30 minutes or so - he was never really a maths person in all honesty - until his sister June would come barging into his flat, disrupting any peace that he may have initially had. Alex groaned, running a hand over his face. He loved June, he really did, but she had a tendency to mother him. Despite only being a few years older than him. Alex would never admit this to her, but he also fears that June is holding herself back to look out for him.

He shifted his gaze to his surroundings. The whole place was a complete and utter mess. He’s been here a total of three days and still hasn't managed to get his shit together. June would have an absolute field day with this.

Before he moved to Brooklyn she had clearly expressed her own apprehension at this seemingly spontaneous decision. 

‘Is this really what you want Alex?’ She had addressed him with an overwhelming sense of concern in her dark eyes. ‘Like making a spspur-of-the-momentecision to move to New York from Texas, leaving behind nearly 20 years of your life.’ Alex distinctly remembers how she’d paused and shifted uncomfortably - most likely torn between her older sisterly duty to look out for him, and her acknowledgment that he was an adult and was capable of making his own responsible decisions. Albeit sometimes questionable and reckless.

‘Is it what you really want?’

The question had constantly echoed in his mind since then, but at the time he had simply brushed off June’s words. Even at the grown age of 23 he honestly had no fucking clue about what he wanted. Both his parents had followed the judicial route and had gone on to become pretty successful lawyers, so he naturally felt inclined to do so as well. He was never on the same level as his parents when it came in terms of passion, but he more or less had expressed some interest in it, so on a whim, he had applied to NYU - along with his rather respectable LSAT scores - and miraculously gotten accepted. It had seemed like a foolproof plan: Go to NYU, graduate, find a job at a law firm, then live in a nice part of Brooklyn with a fairly decent salary. It's not really like he had any other ideas on what to do with his life. Even up until his last day in Texas, June had still been in a constant state of apprehension, clearly perplexed at why NYU of all places had suddenly piqued his interest. Her girlfriend, and his best friend , Nora, wasn't as disconcerted at his sudden change of heart. Much to June’s annoyance, she had just slapped Alex on the back before breaking out into an excessive soliloquy. He vaguely remembers it being something about ‘finding his purpose’ or ‘one true happiness’. Some bullshit like that. Alex guffaws at the memory; namely June’s peeved expression that followed. It took a while before June reluctantly came around and finally seemed somewhat accepting of his decision. His parents were overjoyed to see him continuing the ‘family tradition’, yet it was June who had always occupied more of a parental role in his life. Probably because they were constantly working, or arguing before they finally agreed on a much-awaited divorce when he finally turned 15.

And now June was coming to visit him in less than ten minutes. She claimed it was to check on how he was settling, yet deep down he knew that it would help to give her some peace of mind knowing that her baby brother was thriving within the ‘Big Apple’.

Alex is immediately torn from his thoughts when he hears a loud knock at his door. 

‘Oh fuck-’ 

He curses loudly before scrambling over to a pile of boxes, grabbing a t-shirt, and pulling it over his head, before attempting to open his door in the calmest means possible.

‘Hey Junebug,’  Alex drawls out, his lips stretching into a grin upon seeing his sister shoot him a mock glare upon hearing the nickname. Rolling her eyes, June barges past him into his apartment. Her reaction is made abundantly clear when she instantly lets out an irritated sound.

‘Alex-’ She huffs out in annoyance. ‘I thought you said you had your shit together?’

With a sheepish smile plastered on his face, Alex shuffles in after her with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

 ‘I do!’ he insists, attempting to look at least a little bit earnest. He gestures aimlessly towards his surroundings. ‘It's just taking a bit longer than expected,’ He pauses, ‘That's all.’ 

‘I don’t think taking a nap at 7 pm is considered to be very productive,’ June shoots him one last disbelieving look before begrudgingly moving on from the topic. ‘Well, it's a good thing that Nora and I will be in New York as well, so that way I can at least make sure that you're holding up okay.’

This statement and the silence that follows hits Alex like an oncoming truck.

‘You mean-’ He starts, unsure of where to continue. ‘You two are staying here? In New York? This New York?’

June scoffs at his reaction. ‘Last time I checked, there was only one New York? And yes, we technically moved into our apartment a couple days ago.’

Alex is stunned into silence. He can’t help but feel slightly pissed off at this sudden revelation. New York was meant to be his new start. Especially after enduring a messy breakup with his previous girlfriend of three years, this was supposed to be a new chapter in his life. Free from Texas. But now apparently a piece of Texas was also coming with him. For better or for worse.

‘And you didn’t think to tell me?’ 

June shrugs her shoulders awkwardly. ‘Surprise I guess?’ she states. Although it comes out as more of a question.

‘I don't need you to baby me constantly. I’m nearly 24 for fucksake’

June shoots him a sharp look, ‘Of course you're conceited enough to instinctively assume that every decision I make revolves around you.’

Alex stops right in his tracks. ‘Wait, so what you're saying is-’ he speaks slowly, ‘Is that this isn’t so you can continue your ploy to bug me for the rest of my days?’ By the time he's stopped talking June looks completely done and fed up with his antics.

 ‘God no Alex. Like you said, you're nearly fucking 24 years old.’  To this, Alex flashes her a rather embarrassed and sheepish grin. June continues, ‘Nora found a job here and I can technically work from wherever so we decided to move.’ With this added information, Alex makes an ‘O’ shape with his mouth.‘Right’, he starts. ‘That makes a lot more sense now.’

June shakes her head in exasperation before directing her attention to his flat. ‘This place is kind of a shit hole’ she murmurs. ‘I take it that you haven't really been out, have you?’ Her suspicions are quickly confirmed when Alex reresponds simply by averting his gaze, choosing to look at a clearly very interesting spot on the floor. At this, she instantly perks up. ‘Right,’ she begins to make her way over to a large box with ‘clothes’ scrawled over it in barely literate writing. ‘You are going to get dressed and look somewhat acceptable’ June continues, ignoring the simultaneously indignant and offended cry that Alex makes. ‘And we are going to a party.’

‘A fucking party?’ He starts. ‘Like right now? How do you even know enough people already to get invited to a party? The fuck?’ Alex is positively perplexed at the sudden change of events.

‘Yes now hurry up before I change my mind and leave you to rot in your shit hole of an apartment.’

                                                                                                          ***

Roughly about an hour later, Alex finds himself squished in a cab between a weary-looking June, and a rather excited Nora who had seemed to materialise out of thin air once they’d gone over to June’s place. June simply chose to pay no attention to Alex as he whined about how it wasn't fair that he was stuck in the middle seat since he was clearly taller, or how he did not nearly have enough time or warning in advance to get adequately dressed for his first party in New York- shooting daggers at June in particular while he said so. It’s not as though he looks horrendous. He’s always been the type of person to naturally be able to pull off any outfit, so he has to admit that he does look pretty good wearing navy chinos that coincidentally happen to fit his ass nicely, along with a slightly unbuttoned white shirt. But that’s not the point.

‘Just stop complaining’ June muttered, before driving her elbow into his side. Shutting him up for the remaining journey.

Huffing in response, Alex turned to Nora. ‘How did you even get invited to this thing anyway?’

‘I have my ways’ She winks, before sharing a knowing look with June. ‘No but like seriously’ Alex presses on, still baffled as before.

‘Pez invited us,’ June explains as if that single-handedly answers all of Alex’s burning questions. Alex stares at her, a blank expression overtaking his face. 

‘What the fuck is a Pez?’

This time it's Nora who rolls her eyes. ‘Pez is a friend of ours, who also happens to be the host of this party’ She informs him. ’We’ve gotten to know him quite well recently,’ Nora grins before making a suggestive expression towards June who simply avoids her gaze and turns towards the passing flurry of street lights outside.

Oh . 

Alex’s face drops.

‘Ew. Gross Nora!’ He fake gags, while Nora cackles loudly. ‘I definitely do not need to be explicitly informed about you and my sister’s weird and chaotic sex life.’

                                                                                                                ***                                                  

It’s around 8:40 p.m. when they finally arrive outside some stupidly fancy penthouse. It’s so absurd that Alex finds himself guffawing at the whole thing. From the meticulously trimmed bushes lining the building to the fucking doorman lurking outside the entrance. Alex immediately concludes that the whole thing is being downright farcical.

 Being half-Mexican and from an initially working-class family, Alex wholeheartedly loathes one thing in particular: overly privileged people who blithely flaunt their wealth. Especially white people who also happen to be bigots.

 So it's a huge understatement that Alex is startled when the host who welcomes them is definitely not white. And probably not a bigot. The man, who he assumes is ‘Pez’, has his almond eyes embellished with various shades of coruscating eyeshadow, which was clearly done with the intention of matching his fluorescent pink hair. Pez immediately embraces both Nora and June before planting a big, sloppy kiss on both their cheeks, to which they giggle childishly. 

‘June darling,’ He flashes her a charming grin, ‘You look positively radiant tonight.’ He then turns to Nora, bending down to kiss her hand. ‘As do you Nora, my beloved.’

Alex has to admit that this guy is perhaps the closest to the human personification of charming and philanthropic if he's ever seen one. Each smile he flashes literally burns brighter than his neon-dyed buzz cut- which should be physically impossible. As soon as his formalities with June and Nora are over, Pez immediately turns to Alex. 

And Alex swears that he sees his eyes light up with a mischievous glint.

‘Alexander babes!’ he exclaims, his voice dripping with genuine warmth. ‘I’ve heard so much about you!’

Alex immediately feels the tension melt from his shoulders and flashes him an amiable grin in return.

He throws his head back laughing loudly. ‘Hope it wasn’t anything too bad.’ He casts his gaze between June and Nora, then finally Pez. ‘Hope I’m not intruding on anything too personal either.’ The former two look away almost sheepishly, but Pez erupts into laughter as though it's the funniest thing he's ever heard.

‘Of course not,’ He slings his arm around Alex, pulling him in closer. Alex can smell the alcohol on his breath. 

‘Besides, any friend of Nora or June is immediately a friend of mine.’ Pez gestures rather wildly to his flat which is already swarming with a bunch of undoubtedly rather sweaty and drunken bodies. ‘Mi Casa Su Casa,’ he delivers another blinding smile before Alex watches as he’s engulfed by a crowd of fifty or so people.

Fucking hell.

Alex pulls his hand down his face. There's a lot of people here. He instantly decides that he's going to at least need a couple of shots in his system if he wants to function properly. But as he rather desperately tries to make his way over to where the drinks are situated, something solid knocks into him- or rather someone.

‘What the fuck man-’

Alex stops as abruptly as he started. Being already on edge, he was about to rip into the supposed stranger who had the audacity to invade his personal space, but when he finally turns to examine the perpetrator, he stops in his tracks. 

And amongst his fading annoyance, he is stunned into silence. The solid shape that had walked into Alex moments before is quite frankly the personification of gorgeous. Standing taller than Alex - much to his irritation of himself being a rather disappointing 5’9 - with ridiculously sharp cheekbones, and captivating eyes which were a watery shade of blue. Alex finds himself gaping and most likely looking like a complete and utter idiot in front of perhaps the most beautiful strangers he’s ever laid his eyes upon. To try and make up for his complete lack of manners and composure, he reaches out his hand to the man in front of him, flashing him his signature grin.

‘Hey, sorry about that,’  Alex starts, attempting to articulate each word in a way so that his Texan drawl curls nicely around each letter. It's technically foolproof. He has yet to meet anyone resistant to his alluring Texan charm.

  Or so he thought.

 Alex parts his lips to continue, but to his bewilderment, the stranger simply directs his gaze cooly to Alex’s hand as it hangs awkwardly in the air between them.

‘How quaint .’  The stranger enunciates each vowel with what is undeniably a British accent, before pushing past a rather dumbfounded and pissed-off Alex. Immediately, anger courses through Alex’s veins as he stares after the stupidly attractive, yet equally insolent stranger. 

‘What the actual fuck?’ Alex intends for it to come out as a vitriolic and scathing remark, yet it comes out as more of a question. 

Who the fuck does he think he is? Ignorant bastard.

 Alex grabs a random alcoholic beverage before returning to his position of seething in the corner. He had stood there for around ten or so minutes, preoccupying his time by glowering at the guy, before June and Nora finally found him. Alex lets out a rather discontented grumble, ‘Where the fuck did you guys go?’ 

‘Putting ourselves out there,’ June gives him a pointed look. ‘Meeting people.’

‘Yeah well I tried my best, yet some people just happen to be complete dickheads,’ he shoots a final glare in the direction of the aggravatingly sexy stranger who - much to Alex’s relief - seemed to have disappeared in the sea of people. 

Nora immediately catches onto this, however, and immediately fixes him with a quizzical look.

‘Alright, who dared to reject you, and consequently wound your over-inflated ego in the process?’

‘No one rejected me!’ Alex hissed. ‘I wasn’t even trying to hit on the guy, just trying to make small talk.’ Nora looks deeply unconvinced with his answer, and goes to open her mouth to fire back another question, but is interrupted by a very inebriated Pez. His once flawless makeup is now smudged and a mess of colour, and he is swaying so much that he’s having to be supported by another person - yet to Alex he is a gift sent down from above; an angel saving him from Nora’s wrath. Alex’s relief is cut woefully short when he turns to see the man he’s with. ‘You!’ Alex blurts out, his words in a whirl of anger and bewilderment. The stranger simply shifts his gaze, which just pisses off Alex even more.

‘My fellow companions!’ Pez slurs loudly. He is definitely drunk, Alex thinks to himself. ‘I want to introduce you guys to perhaps my number one compadre, my best friend if you will-’

‘Oh I've already met him,’ Alex attempts to catch the stranger’s gaze but he’s dead set on refusing to even glance in Alex’s direction.

The corners of Pez’s mouth tug into a broad, dazzling smile. ‘Excellent,’ he hollers over the deafening music, before turning to Nora and June. ‘Ladies, this is Henry. He’s just some random British bloke I managed to pick up during my travels back home to England, and now he's a permanent addition to New York.’

Henry, huh ? 

Alex scoffs, which immediately catches the attention of Henry who finally looks at him. Albeit out of sheer annoyance.

‘You’re very well aware of the fact that I was not whisked away to America by you,’ Henry starts, his accent curling over each vowel. ‘I came here on my own accord.’ He finishes stiffly, and what Alex thinks to also be rather uncomfortably. 

Pez simply rolls his heavily painted eyes in response. ‘He wanted to fulfill his dreams of being some woeful poet whose work is inspired by the equally depressing streets of Brooklyn.'

‘I most certainly did not. ’ Henry replies hotly.

‘Listen, I’ll leave you two to get to know each other,’ Pez waggles his eyebrows, not so subtly, at Henry and Alex, before slinging both his arms around Nora and June. ‘Since we have business to attend to.’ Both Alex and Henry’s faces fall at the sudden realisation, before screwing up in disgust.

‘Good God Pez,’ Henry sighs and exhales heavily through his nose.

‘Didn’t really need to know that,’ Alex pipes up in unison.

A fit of giggles escapes both June and Nora as they let Pez guide them away with his hands on the small of their backs.

‘What exactly did you have in mind?’

Pez laughs, ‘Frankly, I’m up for anything that could reasonably be described as ‘shenanigans’ , though in a pinch I’m willing to settle for causing a ruckus’.

Both Alex and Henry stare after them in a shared state of utter confusion. Rather begrudgingly, Alex turns to Henry in an attempt to try and make civil conversation. ‘So you're friends with Pez? Huh?’

‘Yes.’ 

The reply is short and Alex can tell that it's a blatant attempt to end the conversation. ‘Listen, Henry, I-’

‘Don’t bother Alex. I’d rather not have to waste my time or energy on meaningless conversations such as this one.’

Alex stops dead in his tracks before an indignant expression falls over his features. ‘No, you’re right. I was just trying to be polite. I don’t really want to spend my night being in the proximity of a massive dickhead with a royal stick up his ass’. Alex spits out. He tries his best to both ignore and try not to read too much into the momentary flash of hurt on Henry’s face before it’s quickly replaced by a grimace. Instead, Alex plasters an almost comically wide grin on his face before turning away to start a conversation with some random girl. He had no recollection of meeting her before, but upon his appearance, she was insistent that they’d spoken previously. Alex thinks that it must either be the alcohol or his aggravation, because either way his memory is extremely hazy. For the remainder of the night, he engaged in conversation after conversation with numerous people, yet paid little to no interest whatsoever.

His mind was far too preoccupied with channeling his anger into wayward glances directed at Henry, who - completely oblivious to a seething Alex shooting him daggers from around 10 metres away - rocks gently on his heels, a tight smile overtaking his preposterously gorgeous features.

The rest of the night goes by pretty uneventfully. Get Low starts playing, which gives Alex a pretty solid excuse to go and channel his anger more productively, and grind against a bunch of strangers on the dance floor.  However at some point, despite being heavily intoxicated and on the cusp of passing out, Alex swears that he can see Henry staring at him rather intensely from the other side of the room.

Chapter Text

The following morning, Alex wakes up with a raging hangover which practically renders him bed-bound. He honestly has no fucking clue how he managed to get back to his apartment, but he’s alive and breathing so that's all that matters. He tries to sit up slowly so that he doesn’t immediately throw up, but the sudden pinging of his phone instantly causes his head to throb painfully. After a rather great amount of effort, Alex manages to pick it up and is immediately met with a glaring white screen, along with an unprecedented yet very blunt text from Nora.

Nora

  Wake the fuck up you lazy shit. You’re coming with us to brunch.

Before his eyes can adjust to read the first message, she immediately fires a second one.

Alex, if you don't turn up, you will quite literally wake up bald tomorrow.

 Alex stifles a groan. If Nora is insistent upon his presence then it’s unlikely he’d be able to get out of it. Plus currently really likes his hair. He quickly shoots back a reply asking for the address and promising that there’s a 99.9% chance he’ll be there, before getting up and padding over to the bathroom.

He desperately needs to get the smell of cheap alcohol and misery out of his hair.

                                                            ***

Upon finally making himself look presentable enough and managing to get there relatively on time, Alex is rather thrilled to see a flash of neon pink hair peeking from behind one of the booths. And perhaps less so when he sees Henry who’s sitting next to him. Nonetheless, Alex finds himself grinning wildly when he hears Pez’s animated voice impossibly growing louder as he approaches.

  ‘It’s fucking ludicrous! ’ Pez cries, clearly too caught up in his antics to properly acknowledge Alex as he sits down next to June. 

 Alex nods a quiet hello to the others - which June and Nora reciprocate, leaving just Henry who continues to sit there stiffly with an unreadable expression plastered on his face. Alex scowls at his impertinence but chooses to redirect his attention to Pez’s story. Despite the unserious nature of his problem, Pez has begun to flail his arms in a rather agitated manner. Alex has to raise his hand in apology to a poor waitress who looks rather distressed as she watches from afar.

Pez continues to get riled up. ‘I was feeling spontaneous and decided to grab a delightful beverage from 7/11, and the Cashier informed me how I could get two more if I wanted. So naturally I got two more because I thought she meant that there was a promo or some shit, but there wasn’t. So I literally paid full price for three of the same drink.’

 ‘I’m absolutely fuming .’ 

He shoots one final glare at June and Nora who had been cackling throughout the entire thing. Seemingly having quickly recovered, Pez turns to Alex and flashes him a characteristically wide smile. ‘Alexander babes! Surely you’ll be so kind as to offer me a sliver of sympathy, unlike these absolute cretins.’ Nora breaks into another cackle but is quickly silenced when Pez throws a tissue in her direction. 

Amused by their childish antics, Alex lets out a bark of laughter before glancing at Henry. To his surprise, he can see what’s unmistakably a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. It’s clear that Henry is trying his best not to burst out laughing as well, and Alex finds himself staring a bit too much. Henry is undeniably attractive. There’s no doubt about it. It’s perhaps one of the first things he noticed about him - apart from the sullen look that persistently falls upon his gorgeous features. His golden hair always seems to be tousled perfectly; not too messy to look unkempt, but messy enough so that it perfectly falls into his eyes. And fucking hell, those eyes. Alex could easily stare into them for hours on end. Entranced by their captivating shade of blue which looked almost ethereal in the weak sunlight streaming into the cafe. Alex finally realises that he’s been caught staring as Henry looks back at him rather questionably, and turns away in an attempt to conceal the light flush that has crept onto his cheeks. Alex doesn’t know whether to be pissed off at the fact that Henry can be pleasant, but chooses not to, or at the fact that his smile is causing him to feel some type of way that he refuses to address.

 Pez sits back in his seat sulking. ‘So much for unconditional love and support guys.’

 June snorts, ‘You’re literally a billionaire philanthropist Pez, I doubt your bank account has suffered.’

 ‘What if it’s my mental health that's suffered?’ Pez retorts, which only causes more laughter to erupt from the table.

Nora scoffs loudly. ‘You’re such a fucking drama queen, my god.’

To this, Pez lets out an offended gasp. ‘I willingly open up to you about my woes and you dare to insult me-’

‘Oh get a grip.’

‘I shan’t. I simply refuse.’

As the bickering continues, Alex finds himself easing into the atmosphere. Only four days since his arrival, he’s somehow managed to land himself with a decent and equally entertaining circle of people. Excluding Henry of course. Pez, as he later discovers, is not just some flamboyant fuckboy with an overly lavish lifestyle and PTSD from 7/11 beverages. As it turns out, Alex wasn't quite far off when he described him as being the physical embodiment of philanthropy since Pez is the proud owner and founder of the Okonjo Foundation, as well as several LGBTQ+ youth centres.

Henry, however, still remains an enigma, much to Alex’s annoyance. He’s been polite enough to dip in and out of conversation with Nora, and for the past five minutes has been engaged in an animated conversation with June about Jane Austen. But other than providing them with the bare minimum of how he moved to New York after only finishing one year of his English Literature degree at Oxford, he barely says anything that reveals who he is on a personal level. Yet Alex is still burning with curiosity.

‘How come you moved from England? Huh?’ 

Henry looks rather taken aback by Alex directly addressing him. ‘I erm - wanted a change of scenery I suppose.’

Alex feels his stomach flip. Fuck Henry and his stupidly hot accent.

He presses on. ‘Why New York though? Surely you could have chosen to go anywhere.’

‘Well, Pez lives here I guess and he’s always been one of my closest friends.’ Henry has to physically push Pez away when the latter attempts to plant an overly affectionate kiss on his cheek. ‘And uh - NYU has a pretty great English course, so it made sense.’ He concludes.

Alex feels his eyes go wide. ‘Wait. You mean you go to NYU as well?’

Henry’s lips part to respond, but before any words can exit his lips, the waitress returns with their food. Not long after, the group finds themselves settling into a relatively comfortable murmur, Alex finds himself shooting a curious glance at Henry. Alex can feel his face grow hot as the blond immediately returns his gaze, yet Henry’s expression is unreadable. 

Even when they leave the cafe, Alex is still yet to have an actual answer from Henry. 

 And for some reason this irks him terribly. Alex eventually concludes that he probably just wants to at least pretend to get along with Henry for June and Nora’s sake, since they're clearly already smitten with Pez. It would just be childish if he didn’t make some sort of effort to get to know the guy. Even if he was a bit of a snob.

 However, it’s even more frustrating when Alex can’t even seem to take his mind off Henry when he finally reaches his apartment. Pez, June, and Nora had spontaneously decided to go on an outing and had politely stretched out the invitation to both Henry and Alex, but it was abundantly clear that they had the intention of their escapade being for them three, and specifically them only. So naturally they parted ways, leaving Henry and Alex in an awkward silence. Alex had made another futile attempt at small talk, but the series of murmurs and occasional ‘yes’ or ‘no’ served as a clear reminder of their obvious incompatibility. So he eventually shut up. 

 It wasn’t until his cab had arrived, that he finally found himself breathing a sigh of relief. But even then he couldn't help but glower out of the window at Henry’s disappearing figure as he drove away.

                                                                    ***

Now concentrated on bitterly relocating stuff out of his moving boxes, Alex attempts to push Henry - and his stupidly, totally-not-gorgeous cheekbones - out of his mind. He can’t help but internally scold himself for his willingness to admit that Henry is attractive. It’s not as though he’s in denial or anything. He’s been embracing his sexuality for a while now and he’s cool with the fact that he’s into guys. But the main issue with Henry being so goddamn attractive is predominantly the fact that he’s an insolent prick who can’t even make an effort to be civil with Alex for Pez’s sake. Alex hates to admit this, but he’s fairly confident that if Henry didn't have such a lousy personality then he’d be straight on that British dick of his.

After pushing the last thing into place and stepping back to admire his work, he reiterates to himself that it’s not his fault if Henry refuses to cooperate. Alex exhales loudly, he moved to New York for a fresh start and he’s not about to let some arrogant, British asshole ruin that for him.

                                                               ***

 Alex’s few hours of solace are cut painfully short when he hears a rather deafening knock at his door. Judging by the intensity of the sound, he can safely assume that it’s either June or Nora. But as of right now, he frankly cannot be bothered to deal with anything or anyone - apart from his comfortable sofa that practically seemed to be calling his name, and the 23 minutes of Legally Blonde that he'd been previously watching.

So when he reluctantly opens the door to see Nora standing there, he can’t help but let out an exasperated sigh.

‘You could have at least made an effort to look like you were happy to see me,’ Nora raises her eyebrow at him, her tone tinged with offence.

 Alex barely registers what Nora says before she lifts a six-pack of beer balancing on a stack of pizza boxes.

 ‘I brought pizza.’

 A triumphant grin breaks onto her face as she’s well aware that Alex can’t refuse to let her in now. He begrudgingly accepts defeat and gives in as he moves sideways to let her in. Despite his initial annoyance, Alex can’t help the broad smile that overtakes his features. He can always count on Nora to turn a pretty shitty day into a relatively decent one.

‘So what are you actually doing here?’ Alex finally asks, his mouth full of pizza.

 The two of them had settled comfortably on Alex’s apartment floor. Outside the day was seamlessly fading into evening. A cosy glow settled across the room, washing it in a warm amber that cascaded through the open blinds and down the walls.

Nora flashes him a blatant look of disgust at his appalling manners before responding. ‘It’s just been a while since the two of us spent any time together. It would have been the three of us, but June had last-minute editing shit to do before she submitted her article.’

 Alex swallows his mouthful of pizza, ‘So you came to spend time with me?

 ‘Like the old days,’ she replies earnestly, ‘besides, I’m stuck with June basically 24/7 since we live together. It’s not every day that I get to see my second favourite slightly fruity male acquaintance.’

 At this, Alex immediately lets out an offended cry.

 ‘Second favourite? Who the fuck is the f-’ 

 A sudden realisation hits him. ‘What the fuck Nora - Pez is definitely not only slightly fruity,’ he resumes eating his pizza for a split second before another hurt look makes its way onto his face.

 ‘Wait hold on. You’ve only known Pez for like a week?? Do the years we spent together mean nothing to you? Besides, I’m not even that ‘fruity’ -’

 At this Nora erupts into a fit of tears, clearly finding the whole ordeal absolutely hilarious. Alex shoots her a final glare before taking a long swig from his beer.

 ‘There’s no way you just said that,’ Nora starts, wiping tears from her eyes. ‘Since you’re literally wanting to dick down Henry.’

 As soon as the words leave her mouth, Alex stiffens.

 ‘What?!’ He practically shrieks. Upon seeing his sudden outburst Nora immediately stops laughing.

  ‘Oh shit . I thought you were completely on board and coming to terms with how you’ve relapsed back into your yearning phase again. Did I completely misread that or something?’

 Alex feels his face growing hot and hopes that Nora has the common sense to realise that it’s out of anger and nothing else. ‘Nora, he’s a major asshole. He literally acts like talking to me is the most painful thing he has to endure!’

 ‘Well-’

 ‘You're not helping Nora. He hates me for no reason, and I have no problem hating him back.’ Alex pauses momentarily before adding, ‘Besides, his accent is fucking annoying. Like the guy can’t even pronounce caramel correctly.’ Nora looks back at him with an unreadable expression on her face. She takes a slow and steady sip from her beer before finally breaking the silence. ‘Well what about Pez?’, There’s a cautious edge to her tone that Alex immediately picks up on.

‘No because I'm totally cool with Pez, he’s a genuinely nice guy,’ Alex can see her visibly relax at this statement. ‘It’s just his pompous best friend that I have a problem with - Only because he has a problem with me,’ he adds hastily. 

 Nora holds his gaze before speaking slowly, ‘How do you know that he hates you though? It doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of logical reasoning behind this conclusion of yours’

 ‘It’s all over his face when I'm within five metres of him, Nora. He has the most pained look on his face like it’s physically killing him to be in my vicinity.’ Alex lets out a heavy sigh. ‘I mean I'm still going to make an effort to be civil to him if that's what you're worried about. I know you and June are really fond of Pez so I wouldn't want to ruin that for you guys.’

 Nora immediately flashes him a weak, yet thankful smile. Alex scoffs. ‘I'm not that much of a dickhead okay.’

Seemingly reassured by this, they both enter a comfortable silence. 

 ‘You never denied that he was hot though.’

 And almost as suddenly as it came, the moment is ruined.

 ‘I do not find him hot.’ Alex spits out heatedly. ‘Like sure he’s probably conventionally attractive, but like a normal person I can admit that easily without actually being attracted to him. Besides, his ridiculously high cheekbones are probably a result of incest. Apparently, that's a big thing over in England so-’ Alex immediately breaks off, suddenly aware of his rambling. The knowing look on Nora’s face says it all.

  ‘Right. Yet you say there’s definitely no attraction?’ 

Alex retorts instantly, ‘None. Absolutely zero.’ 

Nora eyes him one final time before taking the hint and reluctantly moving on. ‘So when do your lectures start?’

Alex is relieved to finally get a question that isn’t regarding Henry. Now this is a conversation he feels like he can confidently ease into. ‘Well,’ he starts, ‘Technically I don’t actually start until the 17th. That’s when my first lecture is supposed to be anyway.’ In all honesty, he’s barely given any thought to starting NYU since he arrived here. 

 ‘I see,’ Nora pauses. ‘So you still have around a week to decipher whether your feelings towards Henry are out of spite, horniness, or both?’

 Alex throws a pizza crust at her head.

‘Fuck you.'

Chapter Text

After a series of rather restless nights spent in his makeshift study, Alex was painfully aware of how the 17th was looming ever closer. 

Outside, the trees had seamlessly changed from a verdant green to auburn - marking the beginning of Alex’s semester at NYU.

And although he wasn’t willing to openly admit it, he was absolutely terrified.

It wasn’t as though Alex was majorly unprepared or anything. Far from it even . He’d pretty much dedicated all of his free time to reading both modern and older textbooks to ensure that he wouldn’t be hit with that all too familiar, stomach-sinking feeling of being the only one in his lecture who didn’t have a clue of what was going on.

Alex has always been aware of how most of his ambition in life stemmed from his crippling need for academic validation, in some way or another. Being half-Mexican and a closeted bisexual in a state typically dominated by Republicans wasn’t exactly an ideal position to be in for the majority of his childhood. So naturally, he adopted the mindset of having to excel in everything. As a means to hopefully convince himself and others that he was good enough. No matter what, he always had to be doing something. Whether it was dedicating four gruelling days a week to his high school’s lacrosse team, being an AP student, or being study body president, it always felt like he needed to be doing something . Like he needed to prove himself in some way or another. His parents were often too busy with their jobs to care, or push any academic pressure onto him, so technically it’s his own fault. 

Alex isn’t dumb. He’s agonisingly aware of how his constant endeavour to be the smartest person in the room is perhaps more harmful than good.

 In high school he was constantly exhausted and burnt out. It got so bad during the exam season that he’d completely forgotten how to look after himself; relying on an extremely concerned June to ensure that he was relatively well fed and not dehydrated. 

In some ways it had also ruined many of his relationships. Since his year as a freshman, he’d always been fairly popular. With his undeniable charm and charisma, people had typically tended to gravitate towards him. He’d also been especially close with a guy called Liam - who he technically considered to be his childhood best friend, even though they often engaged in activities typically reserved for people who meant more than that. But as the years went on, and he became a senior, he slowly began to view everything as a competition; basing his happiness on a number on a stupid piece of paper. After a while, people had just started to leave him alone. Even Liam. 

Looking back on it now, he was probably far too insufferable to be around.

Alex knows he fucked up. So even though he’s still intent on studying and coming out on top in his new class, he’s promised himself to try and maintain a healthy balance. So far he’s pretty confident that it’s going well for now. Even as the days until his first lecture at NYU began to gradually become less and less, he still managed to put time aside to meet up with Nora, June, and Pez regularly. Henry, however, not as much. Alex had begun to expect that Henry was purposefully avoiding events which included him. To further add to insult, Pez had created a group chat including the five of them, and Alex would always actively reply and send an occasional screenshot of a hilarious tweet he saw. Yet irritatingly enough, Henry would always be the first one to open it, but never respond. And to say that this pissed Alex off would be a severe understatement.

But after a while - and after some more heated ranting to Nora -he began to accept it. It wasn’t Alex’s problem that Henry was some weird antisocial who clearly had problems, so he decided that he would save his energy and stop giving shit.

Alex is fully aware of how childish his next action was, but saving Henry’s contact as Socially Constipated Dickhead with a poop emoji did help soften the blow to his ego.

He even smiled while doing so.

Alex is already out of his apartment by 8:00 am.

His lecture technically doesn’t even start until later that morning at 11:00 am, but he’s had so much energy and nerves pent up from the night before that he finds himself going on a run in a fruitless attempt to try and burn some of it off. It probably doesn’t really help that he’s already had two espressos either.

He’s getting ready to round another corner before making his way back to his own place, when he quite literally runs into someone.

‘Oh shit- Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I should have looked where I was g-’

Alex stops abruptly as soon as he looks up to see who he’s trying to apologise to.

Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

In front of him stands a rather disorientated and coffee-stained Henry. He’s a haze of windswept locks; painted a vivid gold against the halo of the harsh morning light. Alex feels himself growing aggravated already. Of course Henry of all people would look fucking angellic simply walking around the streets of Brooklyn. However, some of Alex’s anger seems to dissipate when Henry acknowledges him with a worried look.

‘Erm - Christ Alex. Are you alright?’

Alex stares at him blankly for a couple seconds before he realises that he should probably respond.

 ‘Yeah I’m fine.’ He spits out, yet kind of regrets it when he sees the taken aback look that crosses Henry’s features. For a split second Alex feels bad. Afterall, he did just run into him and cause him to spill his coffee over himself - but he quickly reminds himself that this is the same guy that spontaneously decided to have a problem against Alex.

‘Just kind of surprised that you’re actually standing here and willingly talking to me.’

Alex is 99% sure that he gets his point across as Henry’s eyes widen before he shifts his gaze awkwardly and attempts to readjust the satchel on his shoulder.

‘I literally nearly knocked you over. Of course I’m going to check if you’re okay,’ Henry starts. 

Fuck his accent is hot.

‘Listen Alex, I-’

‘Look, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve literally avoided talking to me at all costs and always look at me like I’m some shit on the bottom of your shoe,’ Alex flails his arms in a rather exasperated manner. ‘Like, is it really that hard to pretend that you somewhat tolerate me?’

Henry just continues to stare at him before slowly exhaling and closing his eyes.

‘If you're just not going to say anything, then I'll be going now. Sorry for bumping into you or whatever-’ Alex hisses. He’s about to push past him when he’s stopped by a hand grabbing onto his arm. Alex swiftly spins around, still pissed but slightly confused. Henry quickly pulls back his arm, letting go of Alex.

‘I know we probably didn’t get off to the best of starts, and I take full responsibility for that.’ Henry swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously. ‘But I’m not exactly the best at talking to people.’

Yeah, that explains why you had no problem talking to Nora and June.

Alex almost considers calling him out just to see him uncomfortable, but ultimately decides against it.

‘Yeah well, whatever .’ He grumbles. Instead, Alex turns his attention to what Henry’s wearing. Unsurprisingly, he’s immaculately dressed as usual. With him sporting a rather tight turtleneck tucked into charcoal coloured chinos, along with an equally dark overcoat, Alex finds him staring perhaps a bit too long. Alex internally groans. Even with coffee spilt all over him, Alex must still look pathetic in his sweaty gym gear next to Henry. Realising the fact that Henry has probably caught him staring, he clears his throat and gestures towards Henry’s attire. 

‘Sorry about your coffee,’ he starts rather sheepishly . ‘ But I do Love the whole tortured poet thing you got going on there.’ 

Alex tries to suppress his smirk as he watches Henry’s face flush with embarrassment. For some reason it brings him great satisfaction knowing that he can find cracks in Henry’s annoyingly immaculate composure.

He continues to press on, his face breaking into a wide grin. ‘So who was the inspiration? Edgar Allan Poe or something? Do tell.’ 

At this Henry scoffs. ‘I’m surprised that you even know who that is.’

Alex immediately lets out an offended squawk, his hand flying to his heart. ‘I’m extremely offended at the fact that you’re immediately making the assumption that I’m not smart enough to know the name of a renowned poet. I’ll have you know that I only took AP classes throughout High School.’ Alex feels his stomach flip when Henry lets out a laugh. It’s pleasantly soft and warm with mirth.

Fuck .

Alex furrows his brows. ‘Why is it so surprising to believe that I actually have half a brain cell? You should really get to know a person before you critique them so harshly.’ The playfulness in Alex’s tone is evident enough for Henry to pick up on, yet he still frowns.

‘You’re right. I don’t even know your full name.’ Henry shifts rather awkwardly, averting Alex’s gaze.

Alex stifles a laugh. ‘It’s literally the same as June’s? You know, since we’re siblings and that.’

‘Oh .’ Henry falters. ‘Erm- Of course. I kind of realise that now.’ 

Alex can’t help but guffaw. He didn’t think that it was possible, but Henry’s face grows an even darker shade of red. ‘My sincerest apologies, Alex Claremont-Diaz.’ He retorts, a mocking edge to his voice.

‘Oh come on, my name isn’t even that bad,’ Alex protests. ‘I’m sure yours is probably way worse. Considering youre British and posh, meaning you’re most likely from some weird family of incest. It Makes sense considering how many moles you have.’ Alex adds while pointedly looking at his face.

‘Oh fuck off .’ 

‘You can’t even deny it.’

‘I am quite certain that i’m definitely not a product of incest.’ Henry speaks slowly, before mumbling. ‘Besides, it’s Henry Fox-Mounchristen.’

Alex lets out a bark of laughter, somewhat surprising himself. A couple days ago he would have downright refused to believe that he’d actually enjoy being around Henry. ‘You know what, it all makes sense now.’

Henry rolls his eyes, clearly trying to look offended, but there’s a coy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. And Alex can’t help but stare rather shamelessly. The more Alex looks at him, the more he begins to appreciate the uniqueness of Henry’s features. From the gentle slope of his nose, to the captivating nature of his striking blue eyes; the man is quite literally the definition of gorgeous. But Alex is definitely not attracted to him. He’s just making an astute observation. A bisexual man can tell if another man is attractive without being attracted to them.

Besides,

Henry is without a doubt, 101% straight.

Alex is interrupted from his internal monologue when he hears Henry lightly cough from in front of him. 

‘I erm- should probably be on my way now,’ Henry drops his hand onto his satchel. ‘Lots of work to catch up on and stuff.’

Alex blinks before nodding in understanding. ‘Yeah, course.’ 

Henry flashes him a weak smile in acknowledgement before gently brushing past him.

Alex is about to start jogging, but he finds himself turning around to watch Henry leave.

‘I’ll see you around then?’ 

Alex inwardly berates himself for sounding overly desperate and pathetic, and immediately regrets his inability to shut up like a normal person. But he’s pleasantly surprised when Henry throws him one final yet amiable glance over his shoulder. Alex stands there gazing after him for another minute or so before finally making his way back to his apartment for a much needed shower.

It’s safe to say that Alex is in a fairly good mood when he turns up to his lecture.

Chapter Text

All things considered, Alex’s first lecture goes by pretty smoothly.

And his many sleepless nights thankfully didn't seem to be in vain, as he found himself grasping any new concepts rather easily, and was quite at ease despite the initially intimidating environment. It probably also helped that his professor was also fairly laid-back - constantly insisting that everyone dropped the formalities and addressed him with his actual name: Rafael Luna. He also had a friendly demeanour and was effortless to approach if needed. In fact, Alex often found himself engaging in casual conversations with him outside of lectures - perhaps more so than people his actual age. The old Alex probably would have been absolutely mortified to see his future self morphing into what he’d essentially consider a ‘Teacher’s Pet’, but conversations with Luna were often the highlight of his day.

‘So what makes you want to be a lawyer?’ Luna had asked him.

To this, Alex had simply shrugged with a slightly abashed expression overtaking his features. ‘I mean it kind of runs in the family I guess. My parents are both laywers so i just thought: Hey why the fuck not? ’ Alex remembers how Luna had let out a short bark of laughter before his dark eyes settled onto his own.

‘Surely you must have a better reason than that.’ He reclined in his chair, eyes unmoving and fixed intently on Alex. ‘You’re a smart kid, there’s no doubt about that , but where’s the passion?’

Luna had said it in a rather lighthearted tone, but hidden behind it Alex could sense that there was an underlying element of genuine intrigue.

‘I mean I’ve grown up struggling to fit in because of my ethnicity, so I guess I've always sort of gravitated towards civil rights or HR,’ Alex concedes.

Luna’s eyes immediately lit up at his response.

‘See , now that’s what you’ve got to hold onto if you want to become a successful lawyer.’ 

Looking back on it now, he could probably see Alex squirm under this sudden notion of pressure and expectations - so as if to reassure him, he clapped him on the back before pulling out a packet of skittles from his desk, and threw it to him.

‘You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, kid.’

After that conversation, Alex had walked out of his office. But this time he swore he could feel sparks fly with every step he took; as though something had been ignited within him.

September was slowly drawing to an end, but for once, Alex felt relatively content with the direction his life had seemingly begun to take.

                                                                       ***

It’s on a random Tuesday morning however, when Alex begins to slightly lose faith and start to question the trajectory of his fate.

When Alex glances at the clock, it’s just turning 2:00 am. His apartment is flooded with light; a stark contrast to the darkening city outside.

Alex is conscious of the fact that he should probably be working on maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, and is fully aware that surviving off caffeine this late at night isn’t exactly helping. He knows how staying up until ridiculous hours of the morning is probably breaking all the agreements he made with June, but he’s desperately trying to gaslight himself into completing some last minute coursework. 

According to his twisted logic, if he finishes his work now then he can reserve his day hours for actually being sociable - rather than being pent up in his apartment all day. Alex refuses to relapse back into his phase of barely interacting with other people. He will maintain connections with others while pursuing his goal of becoming a lawyer. 

His sleep schedule getting a little fucked up in the process is something he’s willing to let slide by.

Unfortunately for Alex, his caffeine induced burst of energy rapidly subsides. Leaving him slumped over his desk as he frantically runs his fingers through his unkempt hair. He’s very mindful of the fact that he is in desperate need of a shower.

Being unable to push through his assignment, the next obvious choice would be to sleep. But after drinking an ungodly and most likely unhealthy amount of coffee, it’s crystal clear that it’s not going to be an option. So instead he pulls out his phone and begins to aimlessly scroll through his contacts. He would text June or Nora, but to say that June would be absolutely livid upon seeing him send her a text this early in the morning would be the understatement of the century. Nora probably wouldn't be a smart choice either since she’d most likely betray him to June at some point or another. And he definitely does not need June to be on his back.

He contemplates sending a casual ‘ Hey, what’s up?; To Pez, but he remembers how he’d earlier stated in the groupchat about how he was on a ‘ quest to get laid ’ tonight. Alex pulls a face. He’d rather not get involved with that right now. 

This then left him with Henry as his final option.

Alex is pretty confident that they’re on okay enough terms. He had briefly encountered Henry earlier that day, when he was rushing to get to a lecture that he totally hadn’t forgotten about. They’d exchanged a polite ‘hello’, but nothing more. But other than that, and their accidental meeting a couple days before, they’d barely spoken. 

As Alex presses on Henry’s contact and starts to type out the beginning of a message, he’s pretty sure that he’s either slowly overdosing on caffeine or is completely, and utterly sleep deprived. Or most likely both. Before his brain even has time to catch up and register the possible consequences of his action, he’s already pressed send. 

And it’s not even a second later when he enters a state of sheer panic and throws his phone onto his bed.

Alex groans loudly as he drags his hands down his face. Why the fuck did he do that. He’s not even that close with Henry - He literally hated him less than a week ago. Alex’s mind starts to spiral, but before he can muster the courage to throw himself out of a window, his phone screen flashes brightly.

Alex freezes momentarily. The whole apartment seems to grow still as he slowly reaches over to grab it. He honestly can’t tell if he feels more relieved or nauseous when he sees that Henry has replied. Alex falters slightly. Why the fuck is Henry even up at this time? Personally, Alex had always envisioned him as being one of those people who irritatingly had their lives put together; going to sleep at acceptable hours, and waking up ridiculously early for the sake of productivity. He had openly scoffed at the idea of it. To him, the notion of productivity just seemed to be a lazy facade. One concealing the broader, more truthful reason that people like that just want to rub in their mental stability - practically shouting: Hey! We’re better than you! We actually have our shit together. Alex kinda hopes that those people get mauled by wild turkeys or some shit stupid, yet equally satisfying. 

Turning his attention back to his current dilemma, Alex stares down at the unopened message.

Oh well. Fuck it.

He opens the chat, only to see that Henry hasn’t told him to politely fuck off. Nor has he verbally obliterated him for waking him up so early in the morning.

                                                            Today 02:17

     Alex                                                                                                                                   

Guess who has probably overdosed on caffeine    

and probably won’t make it out alive to see a          

fourth Legally Blonde Movie

Socially Constipated Dickhead

    I have a strong inclination to believe 

    that you’re most likely not talking about 

   Someone else.

Also may I inquire why your taste in films is appalling?

Alex lets out an offended gasp upon reading the second message. He quickly fires out a scathing response.

                                                      Today 02:17

Alex

If I knew that you’d be a stuck up prick, I    

definitely wouldn’t have messaged you.   

The Legally Blonde trilogy is a genuine 

Masterpiece, so politely stfu.       

Socially Constipated Dickhead

I was only speaking the truth.

Also stop using such blasphemous 

Terms. David is next to me and I’d rather

You not make a bad impression on him.

He is positively perplexed. Alex is more than aware that his attention span isn’t admittedly the best, yet he’s certain that Henry’s never mentioned any siblings or other people called David.

                                                                Today 02:18

Alex

I mean this in the politest way possible, 

but who the fuck is David.      

Socially Constipated Dickhead

David is my dog.

Alex can almost imagine the deadpan expression on Henry’s face right now.

                                                               Today 02:18

Alex

Oh.

Why the fuck is he called David?

Is it normally for British people to 

Give their pets weirdly inappropriate

names? 

Socially Constipated Dickhead

He’s named after David Bowie.

Alex

Oh. Well that’s stupid.

Why didn’t you just call him Bowie?

Also pls send pics.

After a solid ten seconds, Alex suddenly realises the not-so-appropriate connotations behind his most recent message and has to quickly send another to clarify.

Alex

David pics pls.

Socially Constipated Dickhead

He’s camera shy. Sorry.

Alex

Can you stop being selfish and show me the dog

Socially Constipated Dickhead

No.

I hate to pry, but why are you even up at these hours?

Alex pauses. Henry seems relatively fine, but he’s not sure whether he’s willing to open up about his borderline struggles with insomnia.

Alex

Law school .

Socially Constipated Dickhead

Oh? So you’re up studying?

Alex

I don’t study.

I consult the lore.

Anyways, why are you up?

Socially Constipated Dickhead

Right.

Alex

Don’t ignore my question you little

Shit.

You’re honestly really bad at holding conversations.

You’re well aware? Right?

Socially Constipated Dickhead

There’s been numerous occasions

Where i’ve left a social situation

And fully accepted that it was probably

Not my best work.

Does that answer your burning question?

Alex

I get that you dress like some tortured poet 

In their existential crisis era, but why the 

Fuck do you talk like one

Socially Constipated Dickhead

Goodnight Alex.

Alex

It’s like you’re constantly surrounded 

With an aura of tragedy.

Socially Constipated Dickhead

I said Goodnight.

It’s practically 3:00 am in the morning by the time he finally climbs into bed. And Alex is undoubtedly going to regret staying up so late when he has to wake up in the next couple hours. But as he slowly drifts to sleep, a soft smile plays on his lips.

Chapter Text

As the world outside remains sleeping and silent, Alex stirs in his tangle of sheets.

The early morning light casts a warm ambiance over the apartment, through the billowing curtains. With the sunlight slowly growing stronger, it paints ornate patterns and contours onto Alex, who had somehow managed to miraculously wake up before his alarm. He gingerly sits up, watching absentmindedly as dappled light dances across his bare chest. Turning his gaze towards the open window, he winces slightly at the shafts of gold that pour out from the poorly shut blinds. He makes another mental note to get that fixed.

Alex shivers slightly. The warm glow illuminating his room proves rather deceiving as he can feel the crisp autumn air start to brush against his skin, causing it to dimple.

While attempting to pull on a jumper, Alex pads towards his bathroom for a much-needed shower. Despite only getting a pathetic solid four hours of sleep, he feels oddly rested. Perhaps he won’t have to rely on his crippling caffeine addiction in order to get him through the day.

Yet when he glances in the mirror, he’s taken aback and quite frankly aghast at the image that peers back at him. For as long as Alex could recall, his eyes had probably been one of his best features that he took great pride in. Ordinarily, they were a rich brown and framed by long, dark lashes - but instead, he was met with a series of rather hollow remnants. The eyes that gazed back at him were void of warmth and rather lustreless. Alex inwardly groaned. The dark shadows gathering underneath weren’t exactly helping either. He looked like utter shit.

When discarding his clothes, Alex’s mind gets caught in a whirlwind of abstract thoughts. But after a while, he finds his mind drifting back to Henry and the conversation they shared the previous night. 

Alex is adamant that Henry has most likely woken up looking irritatingly flawless. Even though he’s probably just as sleep deprived as Alex, which just proves to be even more infuriating. He can envision it clearly now: Henry slowly lifting himself out of pristine cotton sheets, his golden hair framing his head like a halo; glowing and looking ridiculously ethereal despite the sleep still lingering on his soft features. 

Alex stills. Why the fuck is he suddenly thinking about Henry? As he steps into the shower, he shakes his head in a desperate attempt to remove the thoughts from his head. He needs to get a grip.

 Yet even as the numbingly ice-cold water trickles down his back, that painfully domestic image of Henry remains etched into the corners of his mind.

                                                                 ***

After having stood in the shower for a deceptively long period of time, Alex tries to prepare himself the best he can for his upcoming day. It’s a longer one, with two lectures spread across the morning. Alex can only stifle a groan as he dreads the tedious hours ahead. Almost in reflex, Alex picks up his phone and clears a bunch of previous messages from June and Nora. He’ll reply to them later.

He feels kind of bad when he ends up opening up his chat with Henry and sends him a detailed - albeit rather dramatic - message. If he’s going to have a shit day, then he can at least try to make it somewhat entertaining.

Almost immediately his phone begins to vibrate and Alex can’t help but feel thrilled and simultaneously perplexed at the fact that Henry had responded that quickly, and had initiated a phone call.

Alex hates to admit the slight feeling of disappointment that washes over his body as he looks at the caller ID, and realises that it’s definitely not Henry.

  ‘Hey ma, ’ Alex sighs into his phone.

‘Morning Sugar, I hope that I’m not calling at a bad time.’

‘No, of course not.’ Alex sighs. In all honesty, it’s kind of comforting having his mother’s mellow, Texan drawl fill his ears. He hasn’t heard it in a while.

He can practically hear the smile on her face when she responds. ‘That’s good to hear then. How are things with NYU?’

‘Not too bad. Pretty great actually. I’m staying on top of my work rather easily.’ It wasn’t as though Alex was exactly lying either. He’s managed to attend all his lectures and submit his work on time, so other than the minor blip he had last night, his life has been perfectly balanced.

‘Okay that's great Sugar, but please remember to take care of yourself.’

Alex can tell she’s trying to keep her voice leveled, but there's a slight edge of concern as she finishes speaking.

He laughs lightly. ‘Of course ma. I promise you I'll be fine.’

There's a pregnant pause.

‘How’s June?’

A dumbfounded expression crosses Alex’s face. ‘You mean you haven’t called her recently?’

His mother laughs on the other side. ‘Of course I’ve called her. I’m not that terrible as a mother. She just wasn’t very telling.’

Alex sighs. He should have known that she had a secret ulterior motive for calling him. ‘ Just checking up on him,’ his ass. 

‘If you’re trying to get me to snitch on the stuff she’s gotten up to, it’s not working.’

‘Oh ? So you’re telling me that she’s been doing things that she doesn’t want me to know about?’

Shit .

Alex has royally fucked up.

‘Uh- I have to leave for my lecture now, so goodbye ma. I love you.’

‘Alexander Claremont-Diaz-’

Equally terrified of his own mother, and probably what June will say to him once she finds out, he hangs up immediately. He technically wasn’t really lying when he told his mother that he had a lecture to attend. He definitely did. In an hour or so.

Before leaving, Alex gives in and looks at his phone one last time to see if Henry has hopefully messaged him back. He wouldn’t exactly mind having another conversation with him if it meant that it would distract from the fact that June would probably end up murdering him later today. However, when he goes to check Henry’s contact, he feels what’s like a blow to his stomach. He’d gone through the effort of opening his text but simply hadn’t been bothered to respond.

Alex couldn’t help but feel a hot mixture of indignation and dismay as he stared at the blank screen of his phone. After a solid two minutes, his blank expression contorts into a resentful scowl. After last night, he’d rightfully assumed that they were at least on civil terms. Perhaps even pushing becoming acquaintances. Maybe even friends. But Alex should have known that he’d probably go back to being a complete dickhead considering his mercurial temperament. Alex is fully aware of all this. Yet he can’t help but feel a little hurt. 

And he’s probably not helping himself either when instead of taking his normal route to his lecture, he finds himself bitterly walking down the street where he quite literally ran into Henry. Alex knows that he’s not exactly thinking straight. But according to his slightly questionable logic, if he comes across Henry in person he can immediately find out the reason for his radical change in disposition. This option seems relatively satisfactory - as opposed to not getting closure, and his mind spiraling as a result.

Alex’s initial hopes quickly fade, however, when he nears the law building with still no sign of Henry.

                                                                   ***

By the time his final lecture draws to a gradual end, Alex has already succumbed to ennui. Rafael Luna wasn’t in today - and won’t be for the remainder of the week - so he instead had to listen to some ancient woman drone on about something that she clearly wasn’t so sure of herself. And to add insult to injury, Henry still hadn’t responded. Which didn’t exactly help to ameliorate the already existing monotony of the lecture. In an attempt to distract himself from his boredom and disappointment, he’d sent a couple of texts to June and Nora, and even one to the group chat in the hopes that Henry might reply to that. Spoiler alert: He didn’t. At this point, Alex was pissed off. In his mind, Henry not responding to his messages is the exact equivalent of him seeing Alex lying in the street covered with blood, but just keeps walking. It had gotten so bad that Alex had even ended up engaging in a few conversations with other people from his class. The girl who sat next to him - Haley, as her name turned out - had endlessly droned on about the absurd topics. Ranging from how shrimp can see more colours than humans, to borderline political opinions about how flared leggings are offensive to the eye and should be made illegal.

And when she’d finally taken a break from her excessive ranting, she had looked at Alex and stated that he looked tired. At that moment, Alex had to physically stop himself from replying with ‘Well the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.’ He was so tempted. But also very aware that he still needed to appear like a relatively normal and high-functioning member of society. 

When he finally makes his way outside, the sun is hanging low in the sky; almost completely obscured by a series of clouds looming in the distance. Alex makes up his mind and quickly types another short message to Henry. A simple ‘Hey, are you still alive?’ should be straight to the point enough, and Alex sends it before he overthinks it too much. He's kind of stopped caring whether he looks desperate or not. It’s not as though he likes Henry like that. God no . He just wants to know his reasoning for being such an unpredictable asshole.

As the days bleed into weeks, Alex still hasn’t heard from Henry. He hasn’t exactly had the misfortune of running into him either - or anyone else for that matter - as law school had become kinda intense, with Alex finding himself cooped up in his apartment working on essays and living off shitty takeout. It wasn’t until the following Friday that he finally managed to free up some of his time to see the others. In all honesty, he genuinely misses the chaotic dynamic created by Pez and Nora, and the voice of reason in the form of June. Besides, if Henry actually shows up then they can have a much-needed catch-up. He had considered messaging and asking the others about whether he was okay or not, but he knew that Nora would be absolutely insufferable if she found out. And she undoubtedly would have.

By the time Alex reaches June and Nora’s apartment, the sky has already grown caliginous while the city below lights up in stark contrast. They’d all agreed on a casual meetup. Nothing too fancy. Just a get-together consisting of a relatively close group of friends - excluding Henry - and what Alex hoped to be a lot of alcohol. Overall, it painted a rather idyllic picture for Alex.

He’s barely one foot through the door but is immediately met with the sound of cacophonous laughter erupting from one of the nearby rooms. Following the sound, Alex enters where they are, he does so rather avidly with a grin crossing his features. However, his initial excitement immediately fades when his eyes fall upon Henry.

It seems like Henry shares the same sentiment as his smile instantly evaporates. No one has said a word, but the ambience dramatically shifts almost instantly.

Pez is the first one to greet him. ‘Oh hey, Alex!’ Long time no see, right?’ It’s unclear whether he’s simply oblivious or chooses to ignore the heaviness in the air, but his smile remains unwavering. Alex saunters over and plops down in between June and Nora. Directly facing a rather uncomfortable-looking Henry. Alex could easily rip into him if he wanted. After all, he does thrive in drama and confrontation. But he hasn’t seen the others in ages, so he painstakingly puts on a forced smile as he addresses the group.

‘Yeahhh, that’s my bad. I’ve kinda been swamped with assignments and boring shit like that.’

Pez smiled understandingly at him and handed him a beer. ‘Yeah, getting an education is a total bitch sometimes.’

At this Nora loudly guffaws. ‘Yeah well try taking a data science degree in a predominantly male class. It’s hard enough living off 4 hours of sleep without having to listen to a bunch of guys mansplain the most basic concepts to you.’

‘Okay ? Well try living off 3 hours of sleep while also being too busy with assignments to leave the house, so you’re forced to eat unpalatable Italian food from the same place every goddamn fucking night.’ Alex retorts before taking another swig of his beer.

Pex interrupts the two by launching a pillow with full force at Alex’s face which causes him to topple backwards. ‘The pride and superiority you feel from having an unhealthier lifestyle than others is a short-term gratification that will lead to long-term detriments.’

The others immediately still and turn to look at Pez in bewilderment.

Henry laughs quietly. ‘Since when did you take a degree in philosophy?’ 

Alex had forgotten entirely that Henry was there until he spoke, so when he finally does it honestly takes him by surprise.

‘I can guarantee that he probably doesn’t even understand what the fuck he just said.’ Pez lets out an offended squawk, and June can only shrug apologetically in response.

‘I mean, you’re right. I kinda just recited a meme I found on Twitter.’ Pez concedes with a straight face and everyone bursts out in stitches. Even Henry - who had previously been brooding with a tortured look on his face- had thrown his head back with laughter. The sound fills Alex up. He’s probably not too happy admitting that he enjoys seeing Henry happy. 

As their voices still echo in the air, Alex finds himself smiling fondly at the painfully domestic scene in front of him. There was almost a blissful sense of radiance permeating every corner of the room. But despite this, one burning question still found itself making its way to the tip of Alex’s tongue. ‘So Henry, how come you just disappeared off the face of the earth?’ He had said it in a lighthearted manner, but Henry had stiffened before fixing him with a blank stare.

‘I apologise. I was probably quite busy and swathed with my own assignments.’

Alex narrows his eyes at him, ignoring the questioning look that Nora shoots him. Henry’s excuse makes suitable enough sense, but it was still pretty lousy of him to just blow off Alex like that. Alex knows that if he wants the rest of the night to carry on like it had moments before, then he should probably just leave it. But the alcohol in his system wasn’t exactly helping, and as June and Nora had always said: He’s allergic to shutting the fuck up.

‘Oh yeah, makes sense man. But you have to admit that leaving me on open both times was kind of a dick move.’ Alex feels smug when Henry’s eyes widen.

‘Alex-’ June starts, but he waves her off. He’s had to wait an entire week for this. ‘So you admit that it’s kind of a douchey thing to do?’ He continues. ‘And you clearly had some time during the week to respond to messages, because how else would you have known about tonight?’ Alex knows he’s made a point possible to avoid, as everyone - including Nora - has a sheepish look on their face. 

After sitting there looking rather sorry for himself, Henry finally opens his mouth to speak. ‘Like I said previously, I apologise.’ His initial expression of shock is quickly replaced by one of disdain. ‘But I fail to see why it annoys you. We were hardly ever friends to begin with, and just because we messaged once, it doesn't mean I'm automatically obliged to respond.’ These final words slice through Alex like a knife.

‘Oh fuck this.’

Before Alex can properly register the unmistakable look of regret that flashes on Henry’s features, he storms out of the room and angrily discards his bottle in the trash before slamming the door behind him. 

Alex ends up walking the whole 20-minute journey home instead of calling for a cab. His head is still a raging tempest of emotions when he finally reaches the door to his own apartment.

By the time he’s curled up in his sheets, he’s had one missed call from both Nora and Pez, about 4 from June, and unsurprisingly none from Henry. He realises that he’s probably being a little bit dramatic, but after reimagining the cold, emotionless look on Henry’s face, his stomach begins to bubble with anger again.

And even as he drifts to sleep, Henry’s cold words linger in his mind.

Chapter Text

‘He’s just so fucking infuriating,’ Alex says to Nora the next morning. He scoffs loudly. After last night’s events and around 20 missed calls, Nora had unexpectedly turned up at his place. Alex had initially contemplated trying to get her to leave, but he didn’t have any lectures today and it was unlikely that Nora would believe any of his bullshit excuses. ‘Like I get that we probably weren’t that close, but he didn’t have to be a complete dick about it.’

Nora stares at him steadily before responding. ‘I get that, but you probably could have handled the situation a bit better- Let me finish. You’re 24. Surely you’re mature enough to grasp the concept that not everyone is going to like you.’ 

Alex locks eyes with Nora. ‘I still stand by the fact that he’s an asshole.’

‘And I still stand by the fact that you threw a glorified tantrum.’

Alex lets out a huff of annoyance and peers out of the window. He knows that Nora has a point. Albeit rather begrudgingly. After all, she is the main voice of reason - next to June of course - who helps to keep the entire group grounded. If it weren’t for her, either Alex or Pez probably would have been arrested for public indecency or something else outlandish. 

‘Why do you care so much about what he thinks of you anyway?’ 

‘Is it illegal for me to want to get on with everyone?’

Nora rolls her eyes. ‘You can just say Henry, you know. If you truly wanted to get along with the entire world then you wouldn’t have yelled at that poor guy in Trader Joe’s for taking the last pizza rolls.’ At this memory, Alex mumbles something incoherent. He’d rather not have to remember that. So what if he wanted to get on with Henry? They are in the same friend group after all. It seems like the most logical option.

‘ Now tell me. ’ Alex doesn’t particularly like the mischievous grin that overtakes Nora’s face. ‘How long have you been wanting to get dicked down by him?’ Alex splutters before shooting her a look of pure vitriol. 

Nora snorts. ‘Come on, you seriously don’t think I’ve realised? If you're worried about |June and Pez, don’t be. They’re far too oblivious when it comes to this stuff.’

Alex crosses his arms and glares at Nora, who raises her eyebrows at him. ‘I definitely do not want to get dicked down by Henry.’ He says bluntly, to which she scoffs loudly.

‘So you’re not even aware of your pining? God. You're actually so deep in denial that it’s honestly kinda painful to watch.’

‘I’m not pining for Henry!’ Alex exclaims back.

‘You’re always sending broody looks his way, and you’re constantly complaining about how much he infuriates you’ Nora starts. ‘To me, that just seems like an excuse to talk about him more. How you’ve managed to somehow convince yourself that you're not attracted to him is beyond me.’ Alex turns away and directs his gaze out of the window again. Nora has got it all wrong. He just hates Henry. Him and his stupid blond hair and his stupid English accent and his stupidly gorgeous face. He can’t exactly place why something flips in his stomach, but almost instantly the realisation hits him like a truck. 

His face drops.

Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Alex clearly didn’t do a very good job at trying to hide his expression as Nora let out a triumphant laugh. ‘I knew it!’ She is in full hysterics at this point. ‘I fucking knew it! You Alexander Claremont-Diaz have the hots for Henry.’

He feebly attempts to glare at her, but he’s pretty sure that it just comes across as looking mildly defeated. He groans as his head falls into his hands. ‘Goddamnit Nora. If you’re going to be a pain then just leave.’

She shoots him a smirk. ‘If this is your way of trying to conceal your Henry-boner then it’s not going to work.’ Her laughter is cut short when a pillow quickly makes contact with her face. A satisfied smile makes its way onto his lips. He has all those grueling high school lacrosse sessions to thank for his impeccable aim.

‘I still can’t believe that it’s taken you this long to realise that you like Henry though. Like I knew you’re pretty fucking unobservant sometimes, but this is actually unbelievable.’

‘How was I supposed to know?’ Alex cries out. He can feel his face flush pink. ‘I mean sure, I might potentially like him but that still doesn’t mean shit.’ It’s not as though I didn’t just ruin everything between us last night, he silently adds. 

Nora simply exhales in exasperation. ‘Just because it’s the end of September and you decided to fall back into your weird tormented and woeful academic era, doesn’t mean that you can't pursue Henry.’

Alex shoots her an incredulous look. ‘I’m sorry? What the fuck do you mean weird tormented and woe-’

‘Just stop being an emotionally constipated ass.’ Nora cuts him off immediately. ‘I’m glad that you’ve finally figured out your feelings or whatever, but you should probably push your pride aside and maybe try to apologise to him?’

Even though Alex knows Nora is right, that doesn’t mean he has to admit it. ‘Technically he should be the one apologising to me. I didn’t even do anything!’ 

‘I still don’t get why you two refuse to get along,’ Nora continues. ‘He’s actually pretty great. You would know if you stopped being such an arrogant little shit.’ Alex doesn’t need Nora to tell him this. He had genuinely come to comprehend this when he first ran into Henry a week ago.

Alex sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. ‘Well, l actually came across him when on my way to a lecture.’ He chuckles slightly as Nora stares at him her mouth agape. 

‘You did? What happened? Oh my god. Don’t tell me you started to duke it out in broad daylight.’ 

He lets out a light laugh. Alex is honestly not surprised that she’d jump to that conclusion considering their past instances. ‘Nah, nah. We somehow managed to have a pretty civil conversation. No brawling, I promise.’ Alex adds and throws up his hands in defence. 

‘You and Henry? Civil? Impossible!’ Alex punches her lightly but a grin is evident on his lips. ‘I wasn’t going to blow my shit,’ he murmurs. ‘Sure he’s pretty annoying, especially with that ridiculous accent oh my god , but I’m not going to get physical with him every time he randomly appears.’

Nora waggles her eyebrows at him suggestively. ‘I bet you’d love to get physical with him behind closed doors though.’

‘My God Nora. Gross.’ Alex laughs. However, something in Alex shifts as the pathetic realisation hits him. He literally has feelings for someone who loathes his very existence. The grin immediately vanishes from his face. He moved away from Texas to get away from the huge mess he made. He didn’t need to find himself in the middle of another one in Brooklyn.

‘Hey Nora..’ He starts rather hesitantly.

She instantly lifts her head. ‘What’s up?’ 

When Alex doesn’t respond for a short while an unreadable expression crosses her face. ‘Hey, what’s wrong? Normally you’re allergic to shutting up.’

This elicits a low chuckle from Alex. ‘The thing is, yeah, I like him but I don't really think that I can afford to. I just want to avoid making another complete mess of things. Like last time.’ He adds. Alex feels himself shrink under the sympathy that flashes in Nora’s eyes as she takes his hand in her own.

‘Alex, that was two years ago. You didn’t know any better.’ She scrunches up her nose at him. ‘Besides, Mia was a complete bitch anyway.’

Alex forces out a dry laugh. ‘Yeah maybe, but I still feel like it was technically my fault.’

‘Well, it was your fault.’ At this, Alex instantly winces. 

‘Jeez Nora..’

She narrows her eyes at him. ‘You didn’t let me finish. Yeah technically it was your fault because you decided to be open with her about your sexuality and past experiences with Liam, but you didn’t do anything wrong. You were honest with her and that’s what you need to be in a relationship. It’s not your fault that she ended up being a fucking homophobe and was unable to handle the truth.’

Alex runs his hand through his hair rather listlessly. ‘Yeah well, I kinda regret telling her that now.’ A weak laugh escaped his lips.

He can feel Nora squeeze his hand. ‘You needed to. For your and her sake. Don’t you dare try to convince yourself that you didn't make the right decision. The fact that she ended up being a total bitch and outing you and Liam afterward has nothing to do with you. ’

‘Yeah but-’

‘Alex. Look at me.’ He lifts his gaze to meet Nora’s before she pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. ‘You did nothing wrong. But if it helps or you feel as though you need closure, why don’t you call Liam?’

Alex freezes. It’s been two years since they’d last talked. They hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms either. And Alex realises that it was his fault. He’d kind of been a complete dick to him after their ‘friends with benefits’ agreement fell through as their dynamic had slowly shifted. With Alex unable to commit, or accept that he was anything but straight, it had kind of fizzled out. And so they had sort of stopped talking for a couple of weeks before agreeing to rebuild a rather delicate friendship. However this didn’t last long either as Alex’s constant need for Academic validation, accompanied by his ex outing them both, drove them apart for the last time. Alex hadn’t heard from him since.

‘Yeah maybe.’

Nora tightens her arms around him. After a few seconds, she pulls back before shooting him a playful look. ‘See? I can give good advice when you’re not dominating the conversation for once.’ She laughs and cuts him off before he can interrupt. ‘So politely shut the fuck up.’

Alex lets out a bark of laughter. ‘Sorry, No promises. I’m apparently allergic to shutting up, remember?’

Nora stays around his apartment for the remainder of the morning and some of the afternoon. They drift in and out of conversation, talking less about Henry and Alex, and more about random and slightly absurd topics. It’s around 2:00 p.m. when Nora finally has the incentive to leave. Alex extends his invitation for her to stay a bit longer, but she hovers by the door.

‘Actually, as much as I love hanging out with you, I should probably head back.’ She shoots him an apologetic look. ‘June will probably be home now and in desperate need of some relaxation .’ 

Alex’s features contort with sheer disgust. ‘Fuck you, Nora. I don’t need to know the details.’

 He can still hear her cackles fill up the building as he softly shuts the door behind him.

Strangely enough, he feels relatively fine. His much-needed ‘therapy’ session with Nora had seemed to alleviate his crappy mood a fair amount. He feels relatively okay enough to make a start on another assignment, and hopefully emotionally stable enough to not let himself get carried away until the early hours of the morning with it. Yet despite this, their conversation about Liam still echoes in his mind.

Closure .

'Closure.'

He says the word out loud, savouring how it feels on his tongue. 

Alex is tempted to go and stare at a wall for about an hour, but he’s willing to admit that it’s probably not the most productive thing in the world. Nor is it a particularly healthy outlet for his feelings. So he finds himself going on a run fuelled by his own agitation. His legs pump furiously beneath him, but it’s still nothing compared to the whirlwind of emotions he’s experiencing in his mind. When he finally gets back, dusk has already begun to creep into the skyline; each building washed with a purplish haze. While sitting on his bed, he finds himself making intense eye contact with his phone as it lies on the bedside table.

Alex sighs heavily having made up his mind and grabs his phone. When he finds Liam’s contact he hesitates momentarily with his thumb hovering over the call button before he finally presses it. It rings for a couple of seconds before the line connects to the other side.

‘Alex ?’

If Liam is anything like Alex remembers, then he’s probably rubbing the stubble on the side of his jaw. Apprehension is evident in his tone.

‘Uh- Hey man’ Alex starts awkwardly. Shit . When he pressed call he did so without even garnering a plan of what he was going to actually say. 

‘What is it, Alex? Now isn’t a great time.’

‘I just wanted to call- Um yeah. I just wanted to call to ask you something.’

His words are met with a prolonged silence and Alex is fully convinced that Liam has hung up. But to his disbelief, a weary sigh sounds from his phone. 

'What is it? 

'Um- Us- what we had,' he begins slowly. 'Did it uh- did it ever mean something?'

'Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.'

Shit.

Alex honestly didn't think he was that oblivious back then, but Liam's reaction proves him wrong. Alex opens his mouth again to say something hopefully less idiotic before Liam cuts him off.

‘Why are you really calling Alex? It’s been two years for fuck’s sake. I don't have time to deal with you or your sexuality crisis.’ Alex was fully prepared for Liam to be pissed with him, but the words still sting a little.

‘Look, I just wanted to let you know that I’m genuinely so sorry. I should have been a better..’ Alex trails off. Friend ? Fuck buddy? He didn’t really know what they were. He decides to settle with ‘Friend’ and can almost envision the wounded expression in Liam’s water colour eyes. ‘I was fucking horrible. I was fucking dumb and I didn't take your feelings into account. And I’m sorry that you had to deal with my shit for so long.’ 

‘It’s not like I really had much of a choice anyway.’ Liam makes an attempt at being lighthearted, clearly trying to diffuse the tension, but the air between them still feels suffocatingly heavy.

‘No, but I am sorry. Especially for the shit that Mia put you through as well. I shouldn’t have said anything, I-’

‘Alex stop. It’s fine, I don’t care about that anymore.’

Alex blinks slowly. ‘You don’t?’

‘I mean at the time- yeah of course I did, but it’s been two years. I’m gay and honestly, who gives a shit?’ Alex laughs softly. He’s missed Liam and his nonchalance yet easy-going demeanour. 

Yet still, Alex persists. ‘But I am still sorry about everything. You deserved so much better.’

‘Alex, if you say that you’re sorry one more time I will ask June to throw you into oncoming traffic. I know you’re sorry. If you didn’t mean it then you probably wouldn’t have bothered calling in the first place. Either that or you just feel super guilty.’

‘But I do feel guilty-’ Alex starts to spiral again.

‘It’s okay man. Really. If it makes you feel better about the whole thing, I’ve actually met someone.’ Alex instantly perks up. ‘Really?’

Liam scoffs. ‘Yes Alex, It’s been two years. I’ve managed to move on pretty well. 

Alex can’t help but feel another slight pang of guilt at these words. ‘Oh uh- Right. I’m happy for you man.’ He really means it. Liam deserves to be happy after all the shit Alex put him through. ‘And uh.’ Alex swallows nervously. ‘I came out as bisexual.

Liam surprises Alex by letting out a short bark of laughter. ‘Yeah well, I think most people had kind of gathered that already. It’s hardly a surprise considering you literally used to make out with another guy throughout high school.’

Alex laughs softly. He had missed conversations like this. 

‘Um- Listen, Alex, it was nice talking to you but I genuinely do need to go. I’m currently with my boyfriend.’ 

‘Oh shit. That’s my bad man. Yeah, you should probably go then.’

Liam hums in agreement. ‘Yeah, but I mean what I said. It was nice catching up. We should do this again.’

At his words, Alex can’t help but let a comically wide grin spread over his features. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Well see you, man.’ 

When the call ends and Alex lies back on his bed, he lets out a heavy sigh. Closure huh? Maybe Nora was right. He does feel a bit better

Chapter Text

Alex notes how quickly Autumn passes. In the last couple of days, the wind had begun carrying a faint hint of the winter yet to arrive. The trees lining the streets outside had also lost their leaves in a chorus of colours; Reds, oranges, and yellows slowly fading away. And as the days got shorter, and the nights longer, the early morning sunlight that he was so fond of waking up to grew more mellow and subdued. Despite how colour had gradually seeped from the outside world, Alex didn’t mourn for too long. He loved the vibrancy of spring; the excitement of summer; and the amenity of autumn - but winter was unique . Alex relished in the season’s quiet and still atmosphere and how winter felt like a pause from the turbulence and rush of life. He could finally relax and take a break from the world. Today in particular should have been one of his favourite days. Outside the air was cool and crisp, yet Alex was fairly warm with the weak sunlight still pouring in through one of his windows. It was perfect. But it wouldn’t be long before his idyllic morning shattered into a million pieces.

For a Wednesday, Alex was unusually idle. For he finally had a lecture-free day, which he felt he hadn’t had the pleasure of enjoying in forever. He had been lying in bed for the past two hours, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram - it’s not exactly like he had anything else to do with his spare time.  Alex finds himself leaving a comment or two on random posts and ends up laughing at around seven puppy videos, but his smile immediately falters. One image in particular has him stop in his tracks. It’s a photo that was clearly taken at a party and is slightly blurred, but Alex can undoubtedly make out the faces of Pez, June, Nora, and Henry.

What the fuck?

 He feels his stomach drop as something bitter-tasting begins to build in his throat. Did they think he was busy and just forgot to invite him? Alex frowned. He thought he made it pretty clear that he was more than free. An undeniable sense of hurt pangs in his chest causing his mind to conjure painful thoughts that he’d rather not have to think about. 

What the actual fuck.

Alex looks at the photo again and his mouth twists into an ugly scowl. They all look so happy. Despite the poor resolution of the image, their ecstasy is as clear as daylight. He finds himself lingering on Henry especially; the look on his face is simply beautiful. Alex doesn’t think that he’s ever seen him look so at ease, nor has he had the pleasure of seeing how when he smiles, his whole face lights up. Yet he’s painfully aware that Henry’s usual sour temperament is most likely because of him. Alex quickly shuts off his phone before letting it fall from his hand. In an attempt to keep his mind preoccupied he sets about the apartment, engaging in pointless tasks that probably don’t even need completing. Alex tries to push down that sickly feeling by forcing himself to sit down and eat a slice of toast, but he ends up staring at it unblinkingly before leaving it to grow cold on the other side of the kitchen. When Alex returns to his bedroom, he can’t help but glance at his phone lying face down on his sheets. He has a desperate urge to inspect the photo once more but promises himself that he won’t for the sake of his peace and mind.

It’s not even two minutes later when that frail promise falls right through.

‘Hello? Alex? Why did you call?’

Alex is fully aware that he should have just taken a deep breath and moved on, but for some reason, there’s a deeply nagging sensation in his gut that prevents him from doing so.

‘June.’ He starts slowly trying to keep the hurt from entering his voice. ‘Did you guys go to a party without me?’ Alex decides to get straight to the point knowing that he probably won’t be able to play it cool for much longer. The anxiety starting to creep under his skin is simply unbearable. 

The silence that ensues afterward is anything but comfortable.

After a couple of seconds, Alex swears that he hears her curse under her breath. He gets the vague idea that he probably wasn’t meant to find out.

‘Alex- I..’ It’s clear that June is rather taken aback by his question. Alex scoffs.

Alex sighs. ‘How long June?’

‘I-I’m sorry?’

Alex can feel his face growing hot with anger. ‘How long has this been going on?’ June stays silent on the other end so he continues. ‘You guys hanging out without me.’

There’s a slight pause before he hears June exhale. ‘A little while,’ She admits. ‘But we didn’t intend to hurt you, It’s just because-’

‘Because of what?’

Fucking silence .

‘Because of what June?’ He repeats, his voice low.

‘You and Henry.’ Alex immediately stiffens.

‘We’ve noticed how every time you’re within five metres of each other it all turns to shit. We didn’t want there to be endless arguments each time we went out.’ Alex notices the slight hint of apology in her tone but ignores it. He can feel the anger continue to rise in his chest. ‘So you guys cut me out? Well, thanks a fucking lot June. Some friendship.’ 

‘Alex please stop. You’re making it sound worse than it is.’

‘I don't think I am. It's already pretty shitty enough without me adding to it,’ he retorts.

‘It's not that we don't like you, Alex-’ June starts to reason before getting abruptly cut off by another seething remark.

‘Well, it sure fucking seems like it.’

Alex can hear June’s voice start to grow tight. ‘Look, it’s not our fault that you and Henry aren’t mature enough to put your petty disputes aside.’ At this, he lets out a strained laugh. ‘But it’s not just me! Why am I the one getting cut out?’

June’s voice is bordering a hushed yell now. ‘Oh for Christ’s sake Alex, we were about to ask you to hang out before you made a scene.’

Alex pauses momentarily before speaking again. ‘What? With Henry?’

‘No. Separately.’ Alex blinks. Of fucking course. He initially feels rather guilty for seemingly splitting up the friend group, but some of his vexation refuses to subside. ‘So you’re treating us like literal toddlers? Got it.’

‘You’re acting like we really had a choice.’

Alex exhales furiously. ‘Listen June, just don’t bother. It’s fine. I get it. I’m fucking pissed off and hurt, but I get it.’

Panic starts to rise in June’s voice. ‘Please, Alex, don’t-’

‘I’ll see you around June.’

‘Alex-’

Alex hastily presses the end-call button before throwing his phone onto his bed but winces as it bounces off before hitting the floor with a loud thud . Some fucking friends, he thinks bitterly before he begins to angrily strip himself of his comfortable clothes in exchange for his gym ones. He needs to go on a fucking run.

                                                                    ***

For the next couple of days leading up to late December, Alex carries on with his normal weekly routine - with the exemption of talking to anyone. In all honesty, he’s still pissed with the situation and how his friends treated them. Alex scoffs at the idea. Maybe not so much friends; Most friends wouldn’t do that type of thing. It’s nearly a week since the whole conundrum unfolded and a single person is yet to reach out to him. He knows that they’ve most likely been giving him time to cool down and process things, and he has to begrudgingly admit that they were right. His anger isn’t as fresh and is reluctantly starting to fade a bit. But regardless, the immense sense of hurt remains. Even after countless scathing showers, hot enough to scald his skin, he can’t seem to wash it out. It’s as though it’s been permanently tattooed into his flesh for the entire world to see. Although he still hasn’t quite forgiven their betrayal, he starts to crave human presence. To say that the last few days were tortuous would be a colossal understatement. Without the others, his life was void of colour. He was a fool to try and stubbornly push through being alone when deep down he knew that he thrives on human connection. He nearly caves in one particular evening and goes to call Nora, but before he can press the call button, he’s interrupted by a series of loud knocking on his door. And when he cautiously opens it, he can’t help but let a relieved grin overtake his face.

A rather cold-looking Pez, June, and Nora stand on his doorstep with sheepish looks on their faces. Alex knows that he should remain impartial and attempt to hold his grudge a little while longer - it’s the most logical thing to do after all. They hurt him deeply. But he instantly pushes it aside. He’s missed this. He’s missed them . And he’s not even phased by the fact that Henry’s not there.

                                                                        ***

Alex was surrounded by a flurry of motion and sound. Christmas was literally around the corner so naturally he and Pez had crashed a party. The others had all felt terrible about the whole ‘hanging out without Alex thing’ so they’d tried to come up with an immediate solution. That solution was that Pez would whisk Alex away to drown his emotions in alcohol, while June and Nora stayed with Henry to probably engage in far-tamer activities. Alex scoffs. He reckons that they probably went to some shitty Jane Austen book club or something else ridiculously dull. Right now, Alex was in his element. He could feel the music pulsing in his veins as he soaked up the atmosphere. All around him, the colours of the room merged to form an array of pinks, purples, blues, and greens. Alex could barely hear his thoughts. He was surrounded by the hum of people dancing and talking which came together in a cacophony of noise. It was perfectly chaotic; chaotic enough for him to lose himself and his unwanted emotions. But he had to admit that the countless shots he’d taken earlier probably helped a great deal as well. It was nearing midnight and Alex there had still been no sight of Pez. Shortly after arriving together, he had somehow slinked off and blended in with the rest of the room, which should have been impossible since he had recently decided to dye his hair bright white. In all honesty, Alex is drunk out of his mind and doesn’t expect to see Pez anytime soon. But what he definitely doesn’t expect is to suddenly come face to face with a very familiar blond.

‘Henry ?’ Alex gapes incredulously at the sight before him. What the fuck is he doing here? Alex’s initial shock is partially due to his unexpected appearance, but a majority of it stems from how annoyingly hot Henry looks. It should be illegal how good he looks in a suit; the way that it hugs his figure perfectly like it was made for him. Alex has the urge to rip it off. Henry’s cheeks were slightly flushed with alcohol, yet turned an ever deeper rouge when he notices Alex.

‘Alex?’ He splutters out. ‘What are you doing here?’ Alex can’t quite tell for sure, but he’s pretty certain that Henry looks panicked as he asks him that question.

Alex shrugs. ‘Partying. Why are you here though? I thought you’d be at some fucking book club.’ At this, Henry looks baffled with his brows knitted together in pure confusion. ‘Excuse me?’

Alex is too intoxicated to even register what he’s doing when he suddenly places his hands on Henry’s waist, pulling him in by the hips. ‘Come and dance with me!’ He practically yells, too busy dancing to notice the horrified expression that falls upon Henry’s features.

‘God no-’ Henry’s face immediately contorts into one of pure vitriol as he shoves a rather perplexed Alex away.

Alex is taken aback by the harsh lines of genuine resentment etched onto Henry’s face. It takes him a solid minute to recover before he lets out a strained laugh. ‘Lighten up a little H. You’re so fucking uptight. Let loose a little!’ He goes to grab Henry’s hand, but before he can even graze his fingers, Henry recoils rather violently.

Something inside Alex snaps.

‘What the actual fuck, man. Why are you being so difficult? I get you hate me and think I’m a total dickhead but chill out, goddamnit.’ Alex suddenly stops dancing, eyes narrowing, as his veins begin to course with the same anger that he’s attempted to shove down for so long. Perhaps it’s the alcohol, but once Alex’s mouth opens, he can’t stop.

‘I don’t get why you act like such a fucking dickhead towards me.’ Alex attempts to shout over the deafening music. ‘Like you’re genuinely so infuriating. One minute you’re an insolent piece of shit, acting like you’re too good to even be breathing the same air as me, but then you prove that you can actually be civil-’ Alex finds himself pausing for air. ‘But not even a day later, you go back to being a fucking asshole and decide to ghost me for a whole week? What the fuck did I ever do to you, man?’

Henry silently stares back at him for what seems like ages and Alex starts to turn away to walk off, clearly fed up with his bullshit and in desperate need of another drink.

‘You didn’t do anything.’ Henry admits in a small voice. Alex spins back around

‘Then why did you suddenly ignore me?’

 ‘ For fuck's sake Alex. Don't you get it? I couldn’t grow attached. It- It would be unfair to you.’ At this, they both freeze and seem to realise that Henry has said too much. Henry’s face flushes as he quickly pushes past Alex, making his way to a door leading onto a balcony. On a normal day, Alex would have just let him go before angrily walking off as well - yet he almost can’t stop himself as he tumbles after Henry. The cool air hits Alex’s face as he comes up behind him.

‘Henry-’

‘For Christ’s sake Alex, you know this isn’t fucking fair.’ Henry pleads, his voice tinged with desperation. Alex is too intoxicated to even stop and try to decipher what he means by that, and Henry looking as good as he does right now is simply too much for him to handle. He finds his eyes constantly gravitating towards his rouge lips, but after looking at Henry again, it seems that his eyes are doing the exact same. Alex should stop to sit down and think about what the fuck just happened. But for some reason, he can’t. So he decides to do the next best thing. He kisses Henry.

As his lips crash into Henry’s, Alex’s heart instantly sinks when Henry simply stands there unmoving and clearly in shock. Realising he’s majorly fucked up, Alex is about to pull away when a pair of strong arms pull Alex in against his body as Henry begins to move his mouth in sync with Alex’s. As the kiss deepens, it starts off rather languid before quickly building up into a heated frenzy. Alex had waited far too fucking long for this. Afraid that the moment would end, Alex tightened his grip around Henry’s lithe waist in a desperate attempt to keep him close. He was so close in fact, that Alex could feel Henry’s already hard cock start to grind against his own. The two momentarily break apart for air.

'I thought you hated me,' Alex heaves out, slightly out of breath.

Henry laughs dryly. 'I could never hate you. I only hated how hot you looked.'

Before Alex could utter a response, the two crash back into each other as their lips slot back together hungrily. Alex relishes in the strangled cry that escaped Henry’s mouth as his hands began to travel further down, faltering slightly when his hands gently graze his thighs. Holy shit. The taught muscles of Henry’s legs quiver slightly under his touch, which does nothing but rile Alex up even more. He bucks his hips forcefully in response, and the moan that Henry chokes out in response fills Alex up with burning desire. The urge to fuck him raw right then and there has never been stronger, and Alex almost can’t control himself anymore. He tries his best to savour the taste of Henry; tongue moving wantonly over his incredibly soft lips. A rather embarrassing moan releases from Alex, but he doesn’t care. He’s too busy enjoying how Henry feels squirming beneath him as they continue to grind their hips against one another. Their two bodies continue to writhe against each other before a sudden crash from one of the rooms in the apartment brings them both back to reality, followed by a voice yelling  ‘Motherfucker ,’ which is undoubtedly Pez. 

Shit .

The two of them instantly rip apart from one another in a rather ungracious manner; Henry stumbles towards the door as Alex is thrown backward, nearly toppling over the edge of the railing.

 ‘Shit.’ Henry breathes. Alex has to resist the urge to pull him into yet another kiss as Henry’s face had flushed a deep crimson, with his disheveled blond hair falling into his eyes in an unbelievably seductive way. Alex inwardly groaned as he could feel the blood start to rush to his dick again. 

‘Henry, I-’

‘Hey, Alex! Where were you? You literally disappeared.’ Pez appears in the hallway opposite and begins to make his way out onto the balcony. ‘I thought you had-’ Pez abruptly halts when his eyes fall upon a very awkward-looking Henry. ‘Hazza? What the bloody hell are you doing here?’ 

Behind him, a worry-stricken Nora and June suddenly emerge. ‘Oh shit- I thought that someone would have been killed by now. Jesus Christ.’ Nora mutters before turning around to Pez. ‘Why the fuck did you bring Alex here?’

‘Why the fuck did you bring Henry here?’ He retorts.

Realisation suddenly falls on Alex as he concludes that he and Henry were definitely not supposed to be within a ten-metre radius of each other tonight. He angles his body slightly and shoots a hesitant glance at Henry. He still looks like he’s been dragged through a bush backward, but luckily it’s poorly-lit where they are, and the others are clearly too engaged in their bickering to notice. For a while, they both stood there with blank expressions as the others continued to quarrel standing between them. Despite the added distance, the palpable tension hung heavy in the air. The electricity between them evident yet unspoken.