Work Text:
A knock on the door shattered the momentary stillness that had settled over the Van Eck household.
"Jes! Can you grab that?"
Jesper rolled his eyes, shouting back "Of course Your Highness!" as he pulled open the front door.
On the other side stood a stern looking Fjerdan couple. They seemed vaguely familiar, but Jesper couldn't place either of their faces. They looked almost like they'd been tailored. They were both well-dressed, the man in high ranking garb that Jesper didn't know the meaning of. He had a stern face and a strong build, like a grumpier version of Matthias. The woman was dressed in an elaborately embroidered red dress. She had big arms, limp Fjerda-blonde hair and a slightly lumpy face.
Jesper blinked at the pair, and the woman smiled back, eyes familiar in a way that left Jesper both confused and homesick. He slammed the door shut, turning and crashing straight into Wylan.
He caught him against this chest, delighted at how easily Wylan always blushed.
He shoved Jesper away, grin sliding into concern at the look on Jesper's face. "Everything ok?"
Jesper shook his head. "I'm pretty sure the Fjerdan's have found us." he whispered, hands resting on his guns. Weird arrest party, but who was he to judge?
"Fjerda's been looking for us?" Wylan seemed confused, glancing over Jesper's shoulder at the door. "Why?"
Jesper raised an eyebrow, whispered voice growing louder. "Illegally entering Fjerda, breaking into and out of the Ice Court, kidnapping a top security prisoner, stealing a tank, desecrating the Great Ash, the whole 'Church of Barter' incident. Need I go on?"
Wylan bumped his shoulder into Jesper's. "That wasn't us. We're a pair of well respected merchers. Whoever broke into the Ice Court were low-life criminal scum." With that, he stepped around Jesper and pulled the door open. He held it for a long moment, then slammed it shut.
"That's the fucking king!" He whispered, eyes blown wide.
"What?"
"That's the king of Fjerda. And his wife. At our front door. What the fuck Jesper!"
Jesper threw his arms wide. "It's not my fault!"
"What do we do?"
"Let them in?"
"Ugh." Wylan muttered, running a hand through his hair. He shot a glance back at Jesper, suddenly eerily calm. "Please take your hands off your guns. There is a King outside our door."
Jesper rolled his eyes, but obliged. There had been none of this sort of respect when Kaz had shown up with Nikolai. His fingers tapped against his arms, making their own unsteady rhythm. Wylan reached out for his hand, squeezing it once as he moved for the doorknob. He wrenched it open, best mercher smile on his face. Jesper stood beside him, trying to look like a respectable man who had never broken into the Ice Court or committed any sort of crimes. From the look on the King's face, he wasn't really selling it.
"To what do we owe the pleasure, Your Highnesses?"
Neither of them said anything, but the King offered the pair an almost apologetic looking smile. The girl grabbed his arm, tugging them both through the front door. She slammed it behind them and dragged the King into their front parlour. Jesper caught the two sharing a look reminiscent of Kaz's scheming face and grew all the more worried.
Wylan shot him a bemused glance, whispered "Maybe keep a hold of the guns." and followed the Fjerdan's through their house.
"So, what brings you here?" Wylan asked, voice calm as ever. He smiled briefly at Elya as she bought in the tea, but Jesper could see the tension around the edges of his eyes. He also caught the double take Elya took at the sight of their guests and knew she was going off to tell all of the staff. Jesper knew they wouldn't spread it past the household, but the Barrel had leaks everywhere. Jesper wouldn't be surprised if Kaz already knew.
"We've been told that Kaz Brekker is out of the city at the moment." The King said.
Speak of the devil. Jesper knew that was a lie anyway, Kaz was hiding in the vents of Radmakker's house, on a job that Wylan had supplied the explosives for.
"Why would you be asking for him?" Wylan asked, squeezing Jesper's hand again.
The King's gaze darted to their joint hands, then across to his wife. They sat very stiffly, which didn't much surprise Jesper. He knew the Fjerdan's were all prudes, he was just expecting a little more feeling when in their own relationship.
"We have something we need to follow up with him." The woman said, in what sounded like a textbook Fjerdan accent (Jesper hadn't been listening when she'd said her name).
He hoped the 'something' they were following up wasn't going to be an arrest warrant.
Dylan's smile didn't even stutter. "It is not Fjerdan policy for a woman to speak over a man." He said, oblivious to purposefully ignorant, to Jesper's look of horror. "Especially not in the presence of her husband." He paused. "Or the King."
The King turned, whispering fast-paced Fjerdan to her. Wylan smiled slightly, his own scheming face.
"I do not know who you are, but I do have some suspicions." Wylan said, a response to whatever they'd been whispering.
The King's head swivelled to them, eyes wide like a startled owl. His wife shoved him, raising her eyebrows in an oddly familiar 'I told you do'. Jesper just didn't know where he recognised it from.
The King seemed to have regained his composure, glaring haughtily down at Wylan. For his credit, Wylan didn't look intimidated, only oddly curious. "I am the King of Fjerda. We have come here because we were told you were an honourable man. It is clear we were mistaken."
If only they knew.
Wylan snorted out a laugh beside him. "No matter where you go in Kerch, no-one will tell you that either of us are 'honourable men'. Now, I'll ask this only once, who are you?" He'd sat very calmly the whole time he was speaking, but Jesper had felt Wylan's pinky tap against his gun belt, a silent warning that shit was about to get messy.
Messy was always Jesper's favourite.
The King- the man who said he was the king, stood up in a rush. Jesper stood up too, grinning unbidden. one gun pointed at him, one at his wife. She stood up slowly, hands above her head.
Wylan stayed sitting next to him on the couch, dawning expression on his face.
Jesper quickly looked back to the Fjerdans, trying to see whatever it was Wylan had already puzzled out.
"Jesper, don't shoot them. One of the two will stop your heart anyway."
Jesper lowered his guns, confused.
The woman sat back down, husband following a moment later. She settled against his side now, more comfortable now that whatever scam they were trying had been foiled.
Jesper wished someone would explain it all to him.
"Are you planning to pull this on Kaz?" Wylan asked.
The woman nodded, grinning.
"It won't work. Not if you couldn't even fool us."
"It worked for a bit." She whined.
"It worked on me." Jesper cut in, before Wylan could continue being cryptic. "I have no idea what is happening."
Three heads turned to him, all sporting identical grins. Wylan shared a look with the woman.
"Really?" The King asked, offering Jesper a smile that was definitely apologetic this time.
"Come on." the woman said, and Jesper had to blink, because for a moment it hadn't sounded like the lumpy Fjerdan woman in front of him, but-
"Nina?"
She threw her hands in the air. "Why do you all recognise me so fast?"
The Fjerdan patted her shoulder, a gesture painfully reminiscent of Matthias.
"Who's this then?" Wylan asked, gesturing at him. "I doubt he's the real King of Fjerda."
Nina grinned. "This is Ilya Brum, the King of Fjerda."
Jesper had reached for his guns without thinking, and Wylan had pulled a flashbomb from a pocket somewhere.
"No, no, they're a friend. And a heartrender."
Jesper slid his guns back into their holsters. "Y'all definitely owe us a story."
Kaz pulled open the door to his office at the Crow Club, fully prepared to yell at Anika or Pim or whoever was interrupting him for the sixth time. He blinked slowly when he saw who was on the other side; the King of Fjerda and a fishwife.
The woman moved to open her mouth and realisation clicked into Kaz's head.
"I'm busy Zenik." He said, slamming the door shut.
He could hear Jesper laughing through the wall.