Chapter Text
The second letter arrived when Diluc was housed in one of Fontaine's provinces.
The city was grand, with refined architecture that consisted mainly of two-story houses with triangular roofs made from the dark wood of pine trees. There were canals that crossed the commercial center, forming several narrow aqueducts with crystal clear waters that flowed in abundance.
In the main square, traders filled the streets with voices calling out offers of fruit, cheese, liqueur wine, wheat bread, and linen fabrics. Even technological gadgets made by local inventors were displayed in small open-air stalls. Some dogs roamed about, and kids played, happily chasing one another.
In comparison to that good atmosphere of innovation flooding the upscale neighborhoods, filling the mouths of the rich with gossip and promising a prosperous future for the nation of the Hydro Archon, there were the peripheral neighborhoods, the simple, ugly and poor housing complexes.
They were full of small, crumbling houses. Ragged maidens — usually pulling the hand of some sick child who was already losing their shabby clothes — wandered the streets in search of alms, sometimes offering night services to anyone who was interested.
Two of them had hit on Diluc, with sweet words and smiles full of ulterior motives on those lips stained with red lipstick. One of them, the blonde who showed an exaggerated amount of cleavage, was holding a cigar that, due to the unpleasant smell, Diluc recognized as opium. It was easy to guess when a huge number of people, scattered through the alleys of that place, were smoking the same thing.
The other woman in the pair did spent a lot of time disturbing him, rubbing against him and trying to grab one of Diluc's hands to put between her breasts or under her heavy skirt. Every time that uncomfortable situation happened, Diluc pushed her away and refused her with impeccable politeness. Soon, as the minutes passed, the two women finally got tired and left him alone.
Diluc then continued his way to the middle of the city, walking back to the bridge that separated the suburbs from the upscale neighborhoods. Luckily, he found an inn nearby. Small rooms whose floors creaked with every step, but the matriarch of the house offered him one of her “best rooms”, in addition to the guarantee of hot water to wash and a dinner capable of stopping Diluc's stomach growls.
At night, after taking a shower, he left the bathroom with a towel tied around his waist and went to his room to get dressed. With several days on the road, destroying hilichurl camps, fighting and surreptitiously spying on fatuis everywhere, Diluc felt the dust and sweat clinging to his skin. He had the unpleasant feeling of being tired and filthy, so washing not only washed away the dirt that had accumulated on the young man, but also offered superficial relief to his fatigue-aching muscles.
Quick and almost absently, Diluc began to put on the lower part of his clothes. He still had his red curls splashing drops of water down his back and bare abdomen, when, suddenly, a crashing noise sounded throughout the room.
The sound cut the silence, sharp and continuous, coming from the direction of the window. Diluc immediately went on guard, his right hand reaching for his sword on the side of the bed in one slight movement.
As he approached the window with cautious steps, the young man's shoulders relaxed as he realized that it was just a falcon — his falcon, actually — flapping its wings frantically as it pecked at the glass, trying to get its owner's attention.
The falcon had the same tube from a few days ago tied to one of its legs, and again, the idea of having his pet being used as a carrier pigeon by Kaeya made Diluc roll his eyes. Although, of course, he couldn't really doubt the bird's apparent ability to find him.
Sighing, Diluc climbed the window structure with both hands, opening it and allowing the falcon to enter. The bird soon flew inside and sat on an old wooden counter, shaking its head and feathers as a form of silent thanks.
Diluc couldn't help but find the action slightly cute and funny, so he put his fingers up to one of the animal's wings, stroking the feathers for a few seconds before untying the tube.
He walked back to the bed, sitting down while removing the lid from the object. A rolled-up two-page letter fell into his lap, which Diluc opened, smoothing the paper patiently before bringing to his eyes and reading it.
The handwriting at the beginning of the letter was beautiful and elegant, but even if the lines were all blank, Diluc would know who the sender was.
“Dear respectable sir Diluc Ragnvindr.
When this letter is dispatched, it will be 2 months since you left the city. But after all, how are you?
Since you didn't answer my last letter, I imagine your feelings aren't very warm towards me, correct? I'm not mad at you, though. I understand I ignored the bigger problem that hangs between us to write in carefree lines.
Disagreements are not easy to swallow, there are hurts that time cannot erase, and I also feel, perhaps, using your falcon really irritated you. (Well, it's not like this changes something. I'll continue to make her stretch those long feathers around again)
Not much has happened since my last news. The Order of the Abyss remains quiet, Hilichulrs continue to stop under the heels of the newcomer, Eula, or the sight of our smiling Amber. And unfortunately, Eroch remains a difficult obstacle to remove. I must say that the man is more work than the skittish horses in the stables, however, just as Varka is also good at riding, I believe he will be able to lower that mane that Eroch displays so proudly soon.
Recently, a thunderstorm shook the lands of Mondstadt. The rain is so heavy that my work as the new Cavalry Captain has been considerably reduced, and now I find time to do things I don't remember enjoying so much before.
The memories, in this house, seem stronger than in any other corner of my mind. I used to be afraid of climates like this, remember? As a child, lightning and thunder scared me a lot and it was on these days of heavy rain that I sought refuge in your room, in the comfort of your bed and in the warmth of the little Diluc's arms.
You used to accept me, always.
Clearly, I remember that you let my cold feet touch yours. No complaints from you, just sweet whispers trying to calm me down, saying that I didn't need to fear anymore: it was just rain.
Even though I knew it was simply rain, the sound of falling water reminded me of the fear, the feeling sown from an early age inside me I felt when my biological father abandoned me among the thick vines, in front of the Dawn Winery.
Even when I convinced myself that this fateful day actually meant something good, that it began the period in which I could enjoy a good home, a wonderful father and the presence of you, Diluc, I confess that I lied a few times. In these cases, it was no longer due to the loud noise of the lightning. It was the warm sensation of your body against mine. It was the feeling of dragging my fingers through the soft curls of your hair. It was because I wanted you and only you, with me.
Maybe it shames you, now that I'm grown up, admit that. But I just can't deny that sometimes I really miss how pleasant those nights were, lulled by the sound of your heart overcoming the rain outside.
You must be thinking I said all this to admit that I am still afraid of thunders, right? Or this is an open invitation for me to sleep with you again?
Hahahahaha, I could even say that you are kind of right, my dear and esteemed Master Diluc. However, I have a feeling that as soon as I try to sneak into a shared bed with you, you would quickly kick me off the mattress.
It would obviously be funny, although, as I said before, the strongest motive behind the sincere confession of this man, who writes to you, is not simply to complain about a missing childhood. It is to sayi that I'm sorry. To say that, in all this time, my feelings towards you have never wavered or diminished.”
Diluc released the oxygen he didn't realize he was holding inside his tight lungs. His heart had started to beat faster in the last few minutes of reading; a warm, fuzzy sensation, difficult to define, traveled through his body with each line passed, settling mainly at the base of his belly.
Archons, he still didn't really know what to think.
Below Kaeya's black handwriting, there was a different piece of paper pasted only along one edge, taking up almost half of the first page. The appearance was yellowish, older than the letter itself. It looked as if a piece of it had been burned, and the remaining parts salvaged from the same fire.
In it, each line of paper had an identical one below it. From the handwriting, it was as if a child had written first, before an adult helped, holding his hand and then teaching him to write a second time.
Diluc rested his elbows on his thighs, leaning in to read it more closely.
“Always remember that it was the Alberich Clan, who were of no royal blood, who stepped in as regents when the strength of the one-eyed King Irmin failed.
Although it was not possible to restore Khenri'ah back to life, we of the Alberich Clan should live lives that burn like blazing fire, rather than dead ashes.”
Diluc pulled the paper, which separated from the rest of the sheet with a slight effort. There was more current writing on the other side of him, which sounded like some kind of current note.
“I saved this record of the fire that my ‘father’ made for me while he wasn’t paying attention. This was a violation of our principles. Our clan's affairs should never be recorded.
For me, this piece of paper serves as no proof of identification, and will not allow me entry anywhere.
Now that I noticed, his handwriting was as vivid as a smoky pile of ash. There’s no way I can write something like this while living in Mondstadt.”
The letter continued, this time returning to the second sheet of original paper:
“I never blamed you for anything, Diluc. Not even for our fight. And I don't care about the injuries that left sores or bruises all over my body. At this point, I actually have a real reason to wear an eye patch. Who would have thought that even a scar on the face would accentuate the great beauty of the impeccable Kaeya Alberich, right?
It was fun to trick you into thinking I was blind, but I suppose the truth will always haunt the ways of a liar.
In the end, it wasn't wrong to tell you about my destiny, it really wasn't. I think the outcome of our discussion would have been different if I had chosen a more appropriate time to tell you, instead of the worst time.
You needed comfort, not another two-legged problem in your life.
But when Crepus died, and I'm sorry to say that, despite the sadness, a certain weight was lifted from my chest. It was scary and it was... a huge relief. I simply didn't know about the existence of that thing inside me, however, I understand that it was born there many years ago, because I would hate to hurt father with my complicated past. And I'd hate to hurt you with it too.
In that moment, when I saw you shattered by grief, doubt stabbed my mind like a blade, and I felt an unbearable need to be honest about myself. I needed to tell you the things you didn't know, otherwise the pain in my heart would expand like a monster, control my actions and become stronger than me.
Today, when the cuts you made have closed and I am left with nothing but the emptiness of your presence, I miss you, Diluc.
I miss you so much.
It hasn't even been two months since your departure and I miss you, even more than I witness the weight the legacy of my name places on my shoulders.
After everything that happened, unconsciously, I know one day my destiny will catch up with me and force me to make one important choice. Perhaps if is the choice you long for me to make, or perhaps my autonomy will ultimately result in my blood bathing your sword. It's all uncertain. The threads that weave the future are hidden from human eyes, so we never know what tomorrow will bring.
Even it's costing me my entire soul to be transparent and speak about what I think this way, I guarantee that my feelings about you will remain the same, Diluc, frozen in this moment, just as I promise you that, here, my apologies are genuine and are part of what I most desire deep in my heart.
You used to accept me once, when we were little, remember?
Could you accept again?”
That time, the letter didn't even have his signature. The lines described had taken up every last space, barely exceeding the limits of the paper. But when it came to the type of content, there was no need to say who Kaeya was. No one would send their own falcon across the nations after him and no one would write letters like those to Diluc, with sentences so full of emotion and affection.
He felt the pang of an enormous need inside him to answer him, for offer some immediate comfort to Kaeya, because the letter had made obvious the existence of insecurities he had never told Diluc — words never verbalized in confrontations, which would convey more damage suffered than physical wounds.
In any case, Diluc was aware that he needed to stop, take several breaths and reflect on it. Many things were bubbling in his heart at that moment, melting that typical coldness installed in his veins.
He needed to calm down and give a definitive, simple and clear answer to Kaeya. Soon.
When he didn't respond the letter at first, Diluc didn't imagine the next one to be received would shake him so much, even making him feel bad about the lack of reciprocity on his part.
The truth, now the days after their fight had passed, is that things were easier to be perceived and understood by Diluc's mind. The man was seriously rethinking his decisions, the smallest and most important details. What they say in that night—when his sword came just short of ending Alberich's life—could not be taken back, no matter how ardently he longed for it. They would remain there, untouchable, sealed by time and space in that dark memory which dismatched the others.
His feelings were more understanding and open after the letter, but it didn't mean the path Diluc was following would change, or that his personality hadn't hardened after everything that happened, being polished towards solitude and shaped mainly by the death of his beloved father.
It was definitive, some decisions made never changed. Some memories last forever, just like the irreparable damage of a broken heart.
Indeed, there were things that would remain the same; such aversion and disappointment to the Knights of Favonius one of them, for example. But from now on, as long as Kaeya continued sending letters to Diluc, he would make a point of answering them, he would sit dedicatedly in a chair, stain a piece of paper with his handwriting, even if only with a few words, to make Kaeya feel Diluc's attention in himself.
Yeah, Kaeya could be his informant, filling him about how Mondstadt were. And then Diluc could be a correspondent, thousands of kilometers away. They could work together, even on something as simple as writing news for each other, and, being like that for a small moment, they would once again become the brave and brilliant duo who saved the city of Mondstadt in their teens.
Kaeya's vision was Cryo, but slowly and surprisingly, he was the one who was melting the ice in Diluc's heart.