Chapter Text
"There's no way out of the room." Was all Atsushi muttered into his earpiece, his eyes helplessly once more sweeping over the walls glaring at him, or maybe they scoffed. Who could tell?
"I swear, I heard a noise from that room over there..."
"I guess it won't hurt to check. Boss said to watch out for intruders."
The echoing footsteps approached closer to the door, making his dread spill over.
If they were discovered, if they were to cause a scene and disrupt the party outside in any small way, not only would their cover would be blown, but it would result in the doom of the entire operation. Dazai and Kunikida were still undercover after all, unable to help them. Kunikida was currently yelling in a hushed tone into the tiger's ear to find a way out of their hassle. They couldn't afford to scare off the target now.
Oh, and they consisted of Atsushi and Ranpo, the genius detective. Atsushi was always happy to work with the extraordinary gifted, but dire times like this didn't effect Ranpo like it did Atsushi and it could be... frustrating at times. "What do we do, Ranpo-san?" Turning back, he hissed at the senior, who sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing up and down with boredom. "We have to go." He stressed with an urgency.
"Go where?" Ranpo clicked his tongue, falling on the mattress on his back before rolling back up. "You said so yourself, the door's our only way out."
"So we're just going to-?" The Weretiger spluttered, pacing. "Let them find us?!"
"Nope." The older popped as he hoped he would, staring at the ceiling with an indifferent expression. "We'll just have to make sure they won't wanna look into this room."
Turning his whole attention over, the younger detective blinked in confusion. "Like- they'd be... too scared to open the door?" Uncertainly he dragged, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He wasn't that good at these things like the genius. That was why he was glad to have Ranpo-san with them at the end of the day.
"Not exactly." Ranpo shrugged easily, motioning for Atsushi to head over to the bed with two fingers, where he was still lying down.
Curiosity evident on his face, Atsushi complied, walking until he was standing by the bed. "What should we do then, Ranpo-san?" He inquired and leaned down, trying not to sound too wide eyed to be annoying.
With those his eyes that gave off the impression of being closed, Ranpo looked at him, seemingly thinking something over.
Then he grabbed Atsushi by the tie and pulled, making him come down crashing to the bed with a yelp of surprise. When Atsushi regained a sense of balance, he noticed Ranpo had flipped their places, with Atsushi lying down and the senior hovering above him. Ranpo didn't waste a second after that and climbed into the tiger's lap.
Before he could voice his confusion, Ranpo opened his eyes, showing him intense emeralds.
Atsushi didn't know why, but seeing Ranpo's sharp green eyes gave his stomach little flips lately. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't tear his stare off them when they rarely appeared. It were as if-
"Have you ever moaned in pleasure, Atsushi?" Was the serious inquiry that cut through his thoughts violently, basically tearing them apart. "And I mean the real loud and shameless kind."
Atsushi's brain stopped working, mouth hanging open wordlessly. The line behind their earpieces went dead. Everyone was wondering what the fuck Ranpo was doing.
Atsushi swallowed with difficulty. The gravity of the other's green orbs proved to be futile to try escape. "Um... I-"
"That's a no." Sighing with disappointment- what- Ranpo rearranged himself in his lap, eyes closing again. "It's fine, I'll do it."
Ombre eyes widened in bemused shock. He'll do it?! Do what?! Weren't there guards outside the room that needed to be avoided-?
Straightening his back, Ranpo unexpectedly jumped up and down on a frozen Atsushi, frowning in concentration, the tiger watched with a dry mouth. The bed gave off a noise and Ranpo himself panted slightly from the activity, resuming his movements. Atsushi found a grip in the covers. This image was doing very strange things to him.
Once satisfied with his findings, the dark-haired man nodded and rolled off next to the younger. Before Atsushi could ask what was going on, Ranpo began bouncing almost rhythmically on the mattress like he had before, and the bed gave off the exact same creak as when he was straddling the white-haired boy.
Atsushi was almost getting at what Ranpo was trying to do. Almost.
But then Ranpo opened his mouth, and Atsushi's mind drew a blank.
Ranpo hadn't been joking when he'd said they needed something loud and shameless. The noises coming from his mouth certainly fit into the category. He started with quiet sighs, breathless pants, then his voice cracked into a long desperate moan. Before long, he was basically sobbing out erotic noises, whining mixed in with pleads.
Ranpo needed an award for his acting there.
Mortified beyond repair, Atsushi covered his mouth and cheeks with a hand and averted his eyes, but he doubted it covered even half of his furious blush, especially on the tip of his ears. He thought he'd have a stroke and die on the spot. Because what the fuck was Ranpo-san trying to achieve by this... this highly unprofessional and... surprisingly professional (?) show he was putting on?!
It didn't help him recover that Dazai was wheezing and cackling into his ear in absolute delight, incoherently making fun of their situation to Kunikida.
"Ra-R- Ranpo-san-!" Atsushi shamefully whispered to grab his attention, awkward about looking at or touching the man at the moment. But then he heard the guards and went still.
"Shit, you hear this-? Dammit, it's probably just those college kids."
"I'm scared to go in, Mark."
Atsushi's eyes suddenly blew wide in understanding. Ranpo wasn't trying to scare off the guards- they'd have brought more backup that way- he was making them uncomfortable. And it was working tremendously.
"Ugh, look- we'll hang around and scold them when they get out. This area ain't a place to fool around. Youngsters these days..."
Their voices gradually faded away, making Atsushi grin and sigh in relief. "Ranpo-san, that was amaz-" He was cut off with a hand clamping around his mouth. Ranpo gave him a pointed look before lunging on him, making them roll over until they hit the floor. "Oof-!"
Okay, Atsushi knew what he had to do now, he decided determinedly as Ranpo pulled them upright, noticing he was leading them both toward the door.
"Mm~" The dark-haired man hummed loudly as he crashed them to the door. It was about making as much noise as possible, Atsushi noted, a bit flustered to have Ranpo make these sounds to his shoulder. "You made me wait enough. Let me make you feel good." He sighed to the base of the tiger's throat with annoyance, making sure the guards could hear him. "Give yourself to me right here, kitten." He purred. The nickname felt way too personal for a flustered Atsushi's taste.
Atsushi gulped, trying to get into character- if he were playing the role of an anxious lover trying to control his partner's whimsical behavior... he wouldn't be acting much, would he? "B-but we shouldn't be here!" He squeaked, trying to sound hushed, but matching Ranpo's level of noise anyway.
Ranpo smirked at him when he met his eyes again, amused that he was playing along. "Makes things all the more exciting, doesn't it, baby love~?" The hidden suggestiveness in his mutter made a shiver shoot up his spine. A finger came to trace its way down Atsushi's chest, making his knees weak.
"No." Atsushi put his foot down, carefully turning the handle so he could drag Ranpo out of there like a responsible lover would. He could feel the gazes of the guards on the back of his head, but they were more than happy to let them leave. "We could get in trouble for this. We're gonna go home, and you're gonna take a cold shower." The stutter fading out of his act, Atsushi continued confidently, sounding annoyed at the other's antiques as he dragged Ranpo by the hand. "End of discussion." He firmly shook his head.
"Aw, but-" The other pouted, something the tiger avoided looking at, or he might've melted to the ground.
"At least half of all that wasn't necessary, Ranpo-san." Since they were out of earshot, Atsushi cut him off sharply in embarrassment, feeling his face crawl over with fire ants.
The dark-haired man suddenly burst out in cackles at his unexpected retort, and Dazai did a long whistle on the line. "Go Atsushi-kun." He cheered him on impressedly.
Atsushi didn't realize he hadn't let go of Ranpo's hand until they were out in the open. And Ranpo was too much of a sadistic asshole to tell him, only flashing a cocky grin.
It was a normal day at work, Atsushi thought with a smile.
"What are you staring at?"
The tiger blinked out of his trance. "Oh, s-sorry, Ranpo-san. I didn't mean to stare." He chuckled sheepishly.
Ranpo sat on the edge of Atsushi's desk, facing him. "Well, I am taking up your sight." He logically put out, humming casually.
Atsushi craned his neck, curiously looking up at him. "Speaking of, why are you sitting on my desk?"
"Because I can." The elder quipped, popping a lollipop into his mouth.
The young agent watched it with a frown. "You'll just... sit there and eat candy in front of me?"
"Yup."
"But... I want some too." Atsushi found himself persisting.
"Tough titties." Ranpo frowned back, rolling out his tongue to take a long exaggerated lick from the candy while keeping eye contact, probably to annoy Atsushi.
But Atsushi's gaze followed the movement of Ranpo's tongue, licking his own lips shamelessly.
Having caught his longing look, Ranpo paused before raising an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"What's the point in hiding from you?" Sighed Atsushi, phrasing it more like a statement. "You see through me."
"It turns you on, doesn't it?" Ranpo's grin was knowing, and his visible emeralds twinkled. "I changed my mind. You can have some of my candy." Atsushi didn't have the chance to question it or be surprised at the generosity, his mouth drying up instantly.
Because Ranpo took out the lollipop in his own mouth, a string of saliva following and pushed it into Atsushi's from between his parted lips.
"What, you don't want it?" Ranpo raised an eyebrow at him when he stood frozen. "I'm being nice by sharing, you know."
Atsushi immediately swallowed the water pooling in his mouth, showing his eagerness. "Tha-thank you."
"Does it taste good?" Hummed the other, not letting go of the end of the lollipop, using it to move the candy in his mouth.
Atsushi hummed and nodded, confused when Ranpo pulled it out instead.
The dark-haired detective smirked as he dragged the glistening candy across his own lips as one would with a lipstick, then grabbed Atsushi by the chin and pressed their lips together. "Then I'm sure you'd want another taste-" Oh, Atsushi did.
Just before their lips met, Atsushi felt himself give off a gasp at a detached feeling, and-
And he woke up.
Dazai-san would be proud of the colorful string of words leaving his mouth as he buried his flushed face into his pillow.
"Hey, Dazai-san... Dazai-san."
The nullifier looked around the room for the caller, frowning when he saw no one. Shrugging it off, he was about go push himself away from his desk when another hiss stopped him.
"Pssst, Dazai-san! Down here!"
Dazai's eyes lowered to the empty space under his desk- no, under his subordinate's desk. There was Atsushi, hugging his knees to himself to try and fit into the space, looking at him with a determined, yet embarrassed frown of distress. "Atsushi-kun?" He raised an amused eyebrow. "I wasn't aware we're playing hide and seek."
"I need your help." The boy confessed, sinking deeper to the floor. "A-and please keep your voice down?" He winced.
Well, this could be entertaining, Dazai looked around to ensure Atsushi's hiding spot before leaning down to hear the tiger better, a grin slowly gracing his features. "Well, well, you must be in quite a hassle if you came to me for help."
Atsushi looked like he hadn't slept well the previous night, not bothering to beat around the bush. "Dazai-san, I need to avoid Ranpo-san at all costs. Please help me." He got out in one desperate breath.
Dazai raised an eyebrow. "You're asking me to help you run from your problems?"
"Uh..." Atsushi could feel nervous drops of sweat forming on his forehead under the squint.
"Kidding!" The man broke into a bright grin, clapping his hands once. "You came to the right guy!"
Atsushi released a sigh of relief. "So you'll help?"
"I can help you avoid Ranpo." Dazai said innocently.
The white-haired one paused, narrowing his eyes at the halo above a smiling Dazai's head. "Right... so that's all you'd be doing, right?"
"Why of course." The brunet nodded quickly, expression never wavering. "May I ask why you're avoiding him?"
"Because..." Releasing a trapped breath, Atsushi was sprawled on the floor at this point. "... If he gets a single glimpse of me, he'll know." He grumbled, running a hand down his face.
Dazai nodded in understanding, not asking him to elaborate on anything. Atsushi guessed it were because he and Ranpo were from the same cloth. They were both so all-knowing. "Ah, I see."
Atsushi didn't see much of Dazai for the next hour, and was starting to grow antsy and wary of what his mentor was up to. He eventually climbed to the surface for air- not to mention his limbs were growing asleep. He almost squeaked at the sight of Ranpo snacking behind his desk, but he reminded himself that he had his back to Atsushi.
All he had to do was bury his nose deep into the reports so he wouldn't notice his surroundings.
And that was what he did, earning a surprised praise from Kunikida too at how he was getting so much work done. Everybody benefited.
And if under his concentrated frown, Atsushi was thinking about how beautiful Ranpo's emeralds were or how good he looked with his hair brushed back... well, no one had to know.
They didn't have much of a relationship, even as colleagues. But Atsushi already greatly respected his senior for his ability, no, his natural skill, his very human ability of Ultra Deduction.
Atsushi always tried to get on missions with Ranpo to be able to see him pull out his glasses with that smirk of his and solve cases in the matter of seconds or less. Atsushi admitted he fawned over the dark-haired man often, but Ranpo didn't seem to mind much. Atsushi always bribed him with snacks anyway.
Over time, Atsushi began enjoying the senior's company more. There was a 'bratty childish streak' to him that he heard people found annoying. But he found it rather charming and refreshing.
And he supposed they did grow closer somehow, with Ranpo giving him half-praises and compliments every here and there whenever Atsushi used his brain.
Since when did Ranpo's praises get him more excited than anyone else's, he couldn't tell.
Atsushi supposed he should've figured his feelings out already even without that dream, considering all the signs. But of all the people to crush on, did it have to be person he had no hope of hiding it from-?
His eyes skimmed over the page, only half-paying attention.
Atsushi was kind of doomed.
"You're thinking about me too loud, Atsushi." Ranpo's loud bored announcement stopped everyone in their tracks, and Atsushi visibly flinched, barely holding in a mortified squeak. All of a sudden, the papers in front of him were ten times more interesting.
"... S-sorry, Ranpo-san." He found himself responding faintly.
Excuse his crude language, but Atsushi was definitely and thoroughly fucked.
"Um, excuse me- what?" Atsushi stared wide-eyed as Kunikida flipped through the pages with irritation.
The blond sighed. "Look, you two would be the best option. It's way too much trouble to find another pair this late, so I'm not taking a no."
"B-but- I'm the worst person for this!" Atsushi reasoned, incredulous. "You want me to-"
"Pretend to be in a relationship with Ranpo and attend the event, yes." Kunikida muttered, writing something down. "You just need to steal back a piece of jewelry, Atsushi-kun."
"I don't know how that stuff works!" Blushed the Weretiger, flailing for emphasis.
Kunikida raised his unbelieving stare, pushing back his glasses. "You don't know how to steal? Atsushi, there were two things you should've learned from Dazai when I told you specifically not to- one, how to pick locks and two, how to be a smooth thief. And you're telling me-"
"Not that part!" Atsushi interjected, taking a deep calming breath. This was nothing, he could avoid it. "Kunikida-san, when you thought of who to pick to play these roles, why did you overlook people with actual social skills and charm- like Dazai-san and Yosano-sensei- and picked me?" He attempted to explain himself. "And Ranpo-san? Sir, I don't mean to question your orders, b-but where did that come from?" He tugged on his hair, trying not to sound frantic.
Kunikida simply shrugged. "Dazai thought Ranpo would be more precise and quick in locating the piece of jewelry, and based on your little performance back at our undercover mission a week ago, he suggested you two would do the trick."
Atsushi should've gone with his gut. He should've taken Kunikida's warnings seriously, he shouldn't have ignored the damn signs.
Most of all, he should not have trusted Dazai fucking Osamu, his fatal mistake.
"Dazai-san said that, huh?" Atsushi deadpanned, the fight or flight urge seeping out of him as he gave in. "Do I have to have some sort of a preparation for tomorrow?"
"That's for Yosano to worry about." The man waved it off. "I already gave Ranpo a blueprint of the building. Ask him for details."
Atsushi was so going to tell Nakahara Chuya Dazai called his name in his sleep.