Chapter Text
You pull back far enough to look her in the eyes, holding your breath at the intimacy of your closeness- the warmth of hers brushing across your cheeks and lips. You're not given much longer before the stomping of small feet on grass nears closer and closer. You take a few steps back as they near their target.
"Auntie Nat! Auntie Nat!" One of the voices shouts.
Her smile shifts to something more playful as she's launched into by Lila, Cooper watching from a few paces away until he's waved over too.
"Well if it isn't my favorite little gremlins," she teases as she ruffles their hair.
Lila huffs and steps back, "I'm not a gremlin! And you interrupted our game!"
"What? I'm not invited?" Nat fake pouts as Cooper pulls away too.
"You'll have to partner up, Casper here is playing with the last piece," Clint says as he rounds the corner of the jet, pausing at the edge to encourage you four to step out.
"That name isn't sticking," you grumble, dragging your feet down the ramp until you're back on the regrowing grass.
Natasha's lack of comeback has you looking over your shoulder to check in.
It takes her a moment, but after she wipes the shock of her face, the smirk is back in place.
"A few days and you're already playing board games, huh?"
"Yep! And mommy made sure she uses your piece in case you show up!" Lila explains while taking her hand and walking with her.
"Oh?" Natasha hums, watching as you turn your head away to hide the warmth on your face.
"Everything went alright?" Clint throws out, drawing her attention.
"Mhm. Honestly felt more like separation practice more than anything," she hums, a quick glance thrown at you before looking back to Barton.
"Figures," he sighs, walking towards the house. "Well, you should come say hi to your godson before the two of you run off."
Lila and Cooper chase their dad back inside as the two of you stroll a little slower.
"Godson?" You ask.
"Mhm. Nathanial was supposed to be a Natasha, but the little traitor is lucky he's cute," she fake huffs, nudging you with her shoulder before you climb the steps up the porch.
Laura greets Nat with a hug and a toddler. And the way the Russian's face flips like a light while rocking the little one on her hip makes your heart ache. Neither of you would ever be able to have children of your own, but being a part of a family is something you can see Natasha would thrive in. Sure, the Avengers are a family. But to some extent you know it's not quite the same as this.
As a place where it's always safe, always warm, and full of love.
As if sensing your gaze on her, she looks up from Nathaniel's face. "Have you held him yet?"
Instantly you shake your head.
"No. And please don't ask," you tuck your hands under your arms, flashing your eyes before moving away to find Laura.
Clint had done enough entrusting of you for a lifetime and then some, you weren't going to risk that by putting yourself in a situation where an accident could completely derail that. And above that, one that would risk the safety of his children. She's in the dining room, clearing the table of finger paintings, crayons, and water color palettes. Immediately you go to help her move the supplies into their designated clear tupperware.
"Wow. Separated already?" She grins teasingly.
"Just knowing she's close and safe is enough," is your reply, purposefully keeping your face as devoid of anything as possible.
It really was enough, though. You could feel the thrum bouncing back and forth, even through the walls, the harmonizing between your souls. You could feel Natasha's question in the air, but honestly you needed some recon. Especially after those few seconds the two of you had alone in the jet. At this point, after the few days you'd spent here, you were still looking for some semblance of direction- someone to tell you what to do.
Who better than the person who had helped you put names to emotions?
"Liar," Laura whispers.
Well, maybe a little.
"All that moping and the first thing you do is run to me when you don't know what to do?" After the lid is on the box, or mostly is, she gets close enough to hold your forearms in her hands. "This is something you have to figure out on your own."
"But-"
"I'll leave you with one last nugget," as soon as your brow raises at that she huffs, "it means a bit of information. Goodness, even Nat wasn't this bad. Anyways, if you're feeling something, tell her. If it's confusing, tell her. The two of you are on a much similar wavelength than you realize. Think of how she felt when you jumped ship and disappeared for a mission, and don't think I don't know about that," Laura nods her head in the direction of her husband's voice before continuing. You don't have time to pout at the fact that everyone knows your business.
"Think of how when she left for a mission and you couldn't go with her, how it made you feel. I won't always be there to tell you what emotions you're feeling, but I know if you talk to Nat, she'll be more than happy to explain it. And I know it would mean more to you coming from her, right?"
Your mouth ticks to the side. It would, but you have a feeling you shouldn't say that part out loud.
"It doesn't have to be today, or tomorrow, but you will need to talk to her. You know exactly what about, but I won't be the one to spell it out for you. I can tell you're at the very least somewhat aware, if I'm not miss-seeing the lip gloss on your cheek," her eyes drop to the spot before letting your arms go as you rush to wipe away the evidence.
Perfect timing, because Clint walks in with Nathaniel on his hip and a gleam in his eyes as they fall on his wife.
"I think they got their zoomies out, if you still wanted to hog her," Clint addresses you.
"Don't go too far, you're staying for dinner," Laura calls as you're moving back towards Nat like a magnet.
Lila and Cooper go into the kitchen upon their parents' request and you take the chance to grab Natasha's hand and pull her outside.
"I have something to show you," you try to let her hand go she can just walk alongside you, but her fingers intertwine with yours, slowing you down.
"Oh yeah?" She hums, tugging you back a bit so your arm brushes up against hers.
Nodding, you allow yourself to reintroduce your eyes to her face, trying to see if anything has changed between now and five minutes ago. You don't realize you're doing the same with the pair of your souls.
"I missed that," she sighs, eyes closing for a moment while you continue to lead her to the barn.
"What?"
"That sensation," she gestures vaguely with her free hand. It clicks that she means your ability.
"Like we're waking up in my bed back home, after a sleep with no nightmares. Wrapped up in each other." Her eyes open back up at the same time her thumb rubs over your knuckles.
"Oh," and you're warm again. She hadn't really worded it like that before, not that it was a particularly bad way to.
You don't have the patience to wait for her to finish climbing the ladder, and she only laughs as you tug her wrists and pull her up the rest of the way.
"Wonder what's got you so excited," Nat chortles as you make your way over to your sleeping bag and the box next to it.
"This." She doesn't give you the time to move it, instead sitting down next to you on the crinkly blanket- watching quietly as you pull open the flaps of cardboard to reveal what's inside.
The first thing you pull out is the picture, gently passing it to her.
"This is Yelena, right?" You whisper, afraid of her stillness as she takes the worn photo into her hands.
It takes her a moment, and her lip quivers minutely before she whispers back.
"Yeah."
Without really thinking about it, you wrap your arms lightly around her waist, resting your cheek on her shoulder. One of her hands leaves the moment to pull you closer into her, before she sets the picture down completely to fully embrace you. Her nose tucks into your neck and you squeeze her tighter when you feel the fabric on your shoulder grow wet.
"I forgot that was here," her voice-though muffled- is warbled as she tries to contain herself.
"I looked for it for so long, wanted it to be the first picture I put up in my room. I know I shouldn't still care, but she was the closest thing to a sister I'd ever had."
You nod, shifting your body to fit more into her. Almost like that first time you'd held her after a nightmare. It was a little awkward, since she had been the one to pull you to her then and you were both sitting up now. But after a moment, you were able to sit up a bit on your knees, straddling one of her legs to be close enough. Shifting so her head could be closer to your chest, one of your arms wrapping around her shoulders while the other adjusted so you could run your fingers through her hair. Natasha readjusted even faster, her arms readjusting to wrap around your waist, tugging you to her tighter.
And it was like that, that the two of you stayed until no tears remained.
Nat pulled back first, not loosening her arms but forcing you to so she could lift her head to look at you.
"Thank you," her voice remains soft.
You find yourself moving without thought again, your thumbs finding themselves brushing just below her eyes to wipe away the wetness there.
For you, I would do anything. Moya zhizn.
My life.
"Technically I didn't do anything but look through your stuff," you smile, hoping it would encourage her to do the same.
"Don't be a brat," Nat snorts, shoving her face into the front of your shirt. "You should be saying 'anything for you, dearest'."
"Hmm."
"Don't hmm me. What happened to my sweet girl?" She looks back up, the flushness from crying fading away as her lips upturn.
"Alright," you shift your hips to get more comfortable but if anything, Natasha tightens her hold around your waist to keep you from getting too far.
"Vse daya tebya, dorogaya."
Anything for you, dearest.
Rolling her eyes, she unravels her arm lock from around you to move her hands to your hips, pulling you fully down on her leg.
"What's next, printsessa?"
Trying to keep your body temp down at how this position and her voice makes you feel at the same time, you reach into the box for the next item.
"My old iPod! I thought I trashed this thing!" She ignores the tang of wires coming out of the back, turning it on and putting an earbud in her ear and one in yours.
"Can't believe you got this thing to turn on," Nat shakes her head as she scrolls through the songs. Eventually she settles on one and reaches into the box to look through her missed memories. As she talks you through each item and the story behind them, even the gun grease(which had apparently been so tacky she only used it once and never wanted to use it again), you rest your head on her shoulder away from the box and let yourself fully relax to the sound of her voice and the soft crackly music coming through the earbuds.
She revisits the photo after a few more minutes have passed, her opposite squeezing your hip as if to keep her grounded.
"It's okay to miss her," you say quietly into her shoulder.
This time she only nods, setting it back down to find your hands instead. Then completely switching topics.
"I can't wait to get back. I miss our bed," Natasha sighs as she focuses on the feeling of your fingers intertwined with hers, your warmth and weight over her.
"Our?" You damn near choke.
Her tired smile turns devilish, "yes. Ours. "
"It's the bed that we sleep in, isn't it?"
"Well, it-"
"Ah ah, detka, is it not where we both sleep?" Her palms slide up your arms until she can hold your face in them, keeping you from hiding your face.
When she sees your lips curling to say something other than yes, she squishes your cheeks.
"Yes or no, when we're both in the compound, that's where we sleep? Well, when you're not cranky," Nat teases, her hands sliding down and away from your face.
You gape for a moment, trying to find the words to shoot back. But her hands....
The entirety of your focus is on the way they feel searching for their next resting place on you. It takes her squeezing your sides that you answer.
"Cranky?"
"If not cranky, what would you call it?" Her hands start to move again once you focus your eyes back on hers again.
"Trying to be nice, maybe. Give you your space. Don't want to be gr-"
"Yah!" She throws herself back onto the sleeping bag, fingers tugging your belt loops so you're forced to fall forward. You catch yourself over her with your hands on the wood by her head.
"I thought we were over that word," Natasha bemoans. Her lips pursing into a pout.
"Greedy?" It comes out a little funny, your breath catching as you really try not to focus on how this feels like that time you were sparring with her. How good it felt.
"Yes. Greedy. You can never be greedy with me, trust me," you notice how her eyes flick down to your chest and the slight heave as you get your breathing under control, and then to your lips, wet and parted.
You definitely could.
"Well, I guess you could be." She says like she'd seen the thought in your eyes. The widow brings one of her elbows back so she can partially sit up, her other hand remaining in your belt loop so you don't feel inclined to get too far.
Now your eyes flick down to her lips, catching the movement of her tongue gliding over the bottom one.
"How?" The word is barely audible, but Nat catches it regardless.
Your faces are so close, just like earlier you could feel her breath on yours, but this time you weren't holding your breath. The mixed air, humid and minty, flavored with the gum she chews after missions.
Just as she angles her head up, you feel the sensation of a soul nearing the barn.
"Someone's coming," you whisper, lips tickling as they faintly brush against Natasha's.
In an instant, she has the two of you flipped. Breathing heavier you feel your lids grow heavier at the sight and feeling of her over you. The two of you really needed to talk for real, about whatever this is. But in the moment, you've already forgotten that someone was on their way over, only focusing on her weight over you and her hair curtaining her face.
She leans down and you close your eyes, the skin of her cheek gliding against yours as she speaks into your ear. "We'll talk later, dusha moya. "
And faster than your hazy brain can comprehend, she takes the tube of unusable gun grease and perfectly launches it at the forehead just starting to peek over the top of the ladder up to the loft. It's hard enough that they either jump or lose their hold, you gather from the thud of them hiding the ground below.
"Ow!"
"That's what you get for being nosy," Nat calls down, moving from over you to put the stuff back in the box. Before she herself moves over to the ladder to get down, she helps you sit up, giving you a once over. You nod and take a few controlled breaths to calm yourself.
"I called you guys from outside! Didn't know if you fell asleep or something, geez ," Clint complains. "Dinner's ready."
Natasha's box stays on the porch when everyone is settled inside to eat. Conversation flows easier than it had almost the entirety of your stay. No awkward pauses or silences on your part, it easily transitions between Clint or Laura or Natasha, and then to Lila or Cooper, maybe even a babble from Nathaniel. Laura brings up a few times a few of the dishes you had helped to cook-heavy on the help, less on the *actually* cooking- and the other two Avengers joke that Sam might have some competition.
"Har har," you swirl the noodles with your fork and fix Clint and then Nat with a flat stare.
"I'd probably sooner beat Steve at being America's a- ahem."
Right, save that language for when there aren't kids around.
The two partners in crime still tee-hee under their hands and despite their light teasing, you can already feel yourself excited to go back. Not just for Nat and your shared bed, but to be back around the team.
The meal passes quickly, and soon you and Natasha are saying your goodbyes to the family. Technically Clint would still need to drive back too but it was more than obvious who you'd be traveling back with.
Nat holds Nathaniel one last time, telling him not to grow up. Then Lila and Cooper give her big hugs, she squeezes them and gives them orders to listen to their parents, just not too much.
You'd already said goodbye to Laura and Clint so your hand is on the handle when you think it's time but then you hear your name being called.
Turning back, Lila is holding one hand out for you to shake while her other holds up a painting with her best attempt at her initials in the bottom corner.
"It was very nice to meet you," she announces.
Your eyes shoot up to Laura and Clint for instruction, but they're just smiling softly at you, patiently.
Right, you could do this.
With the delicate touch one would use with a butterfly, you take her hand in yours and shake it.
"It was nice to meet you too, Lila. Thank you for teaching me how to play jenga and candy land," you smile. She hands you the paper and you realize there's actually a small stack. Looking through them you notice a few were depictions of your first days here, a sad you with alligator tear drops coming from your bobble head as you chopped wood. The newer ones being with more color and a small smile on your features instead.
"You were fun, even if you were weird," Nat snorts behind her hand at that, and Lila continues unperturbed. "Make sure Auntie Nat brings you next time so I can teach you Uno!"
Natasha salutes and Lila heads farther back in the house, likely to paint another bug she'd seen today.
Cooper shakes your hand next, parroting Lila in that it was nice to meet you, before retreating to his dad's side. And with encouragement from Laura, you let Nathaniel grab your index finger that he shakes like a rattle as best as he can until his mother's hair is close enough to grab again.
Sighing tiredly, you step away from them and offer another goodbye. You didn't ruin everything like you'd been scared of the whole time you'd been here, but you were ready to be around people who were a little less fragile again. Your small bag was quickly slung on your shoulder and you stepped out, picking up Nat's box and getting back to the quinjet. Knowing she'd probably take a minute to talk to Clint about logistics of him traveling back and whatnot, you don't mind the moment alone.
The sun's dropped below the trees, leaving the sky a dim twilight, but you know the inside well enough to find the buttons to get the engines running and the lights to come to life.
The smell of metal and machinery has you yawning again, the faint smell of Natasha in the captain's seat soothing the nerves you'd had since she'd been assigned to that mission.
"Ready to go home?" Nat asks as you're setting her box and your bag down on the seats parallel to the med table.
"Mhm," you wait until she takes her seat, plopping down into the copilot seat right after as she closes the rear door.
The quinjet is propelled into the air with no fanfare beyond your sigh at the thought of home and the rumble of the jet in flight.
As soon as it reaches elevation and Nat switches on autopilot, her hand sneaks over to find yours where it's set on the armrest. And just like she had earlier, you intertwine your fingers with hers as soon as they're close enough.
"I missed you," she rasps, her own shoulders slumping a bit as she lets herself breathe.
"I was going to say that first," you turn in the chair, bringing your other hand to trace shapes on the top of the one in your grasp.
"You can still say it," the redhead mirrors your movement, shifting her body so it's turned to face yours, her left leg crossing over the right to get more comfortable.
"I missed you, Natasha," you whisper into her skin as you lift her hand to your lips. Trying to find a way to get closer to her without getting out of your seat.
"Sorry I had to leave you like that." Her fingers tighten and you find her eyes. She takes a moment to appreciate the sight of them, although a bit different from when she first knew you, still hypnotizing and comforting enough in the glowing swirl that she felt at home already.
"You don't have to say sorry."
"No? Even though I left when you needed me?"
"You came back. And now I know if I'm ever going to do that with Wanda again, I'll wait until I know I don't have to worry about something happening to you," your head falls back against the headrest, pulling her hand under your chin so you can hold it with both of yours fully.
"Hmm. More like until we can protect each other in our bed," Nat pulses her fingers twice, trying to get you to open your eyes again.
"Sure," you snort, rolling your eyes at her bringing this up again.
"It doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. I just thought-"
"Natasha," you interrupt into her knuckles as you tuck your chin down.
Opening your eyes you find her green ones already locked onto yours.
"I've never done anything like this before, so I don't know if this is all too fast or too slow. I just know..." You pause, contemplating if you want to say the rest.
She hums, her other hand reaching over to tuck some hair behind your ear. She waits.
"I know that as long as you're here, and as long as you'll have me, I'd like to learn what it means to make you happy. To wake up every morning, or most mornings with you. I don't doubt the missions will stop, but as long as it's you I come home to, I'd be content," this time you kiss her knuckles fully, with intention as you look up at her through your lashes.
"So eloquent," she teases.
"I just said I've never done this before and that's your takeaway?" You whine halfheartedly.
"All jokes, hon." This time she pulls your hand to her, unlacing your fingers from her so she can press your palm to her cheek and hold it there.
"I won't say this will always be easy, all good things never are. We should and will talk about this after we've both caught up on sleep, but that's what I needed to hear to know we're on the same page. Actions speak louder than words and all that crap, but from you, I needed to hear that you were sure. And it seems, to me, like you are?" Nat finishes on a soft question.
You nod, breathing out when she turns her head and presses a kiss of her own into your palm.
A comfortable silence hangs in the back space between you as the quinjet continues to easily cut through the air. A few minutes pass and small touches are shared, until slowly your fingers simply intertwine again and relax.
"So," the widow sighs when your held hands hang between the seats.
"How much you want a bet there's a bet on this?"