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Baradun's Quest: A Fanfiction Adventure Through Azerim - by David Listzwan

Summary:

In a land where the people are unaware they live inside of a video game, there lives a humble man named Greg the Garlic Farmer. His peaceful and quaint little life is about to be turned upside down causing the greatest adventure of his life to quickly unfold before him. With the recent loss of his lovely wife Greta, is Greg able to take on a Quest laid out before him to exact his revenge on those who took her from him? Can he survive Baradun's Quest?

Chapter 1: Greg the Garlic Farmer

Chapter Text

(Anyone navigating here from the Dimensional Gates, and Laurel's Day video games, if you don't know who Viva la Dirt League are, check out their videos on YouTube. Just search Viva la Dirt League and enjoy. This story is based off their videos and they have so much content it would take days to watch it all at once and it's growing each week. And their D&D campaigns are beyond hilarious and over 300 episodes as well. You will love Adventures in Azerim and Misfits I guarantee it. If you like gaming, you will LOVE Viva la Dirt League and their comedic take on NPCs and the gaming world.)

 


ACT I - The Lowly Garlic Farmer


 

      The setting sun glares a reddish hue over vast garlic fields as our hero, Greg the Garlic Farmer, is tired and getting ready to call it a day. His tattered brown vest, that covers an even more tattered green shirt, is only being held shut by a tight brown leather belt. Attached to the belt is a leather satchel and of course Greg’s signature head of garlic hanging down his front right side. With a basket filled with garlic in one hand and a hoe in the other, he slowly makes his way back toward his humble little home to get the well-deserved rest he’s been dreaming of all day. Once back, he places the hoe down as he turns around to take in one last glance at his lovely fields while sighing in repose. “What a great day it’s been.” he says to himself just before he places the basket filled with garlic down next to his front door; a content smile covers his face as he stares at his bountiful harvest.

      Glancing over, Greg notices his good friend Baelin the Fisherman walking down the road toward him with his usual joyful smile on his face. Baelin, like every time he passes Greg’s little shop, stops and says, “Mornin. Nice day for fishin’ aint it? Huh-ha.” Holding out one of the many fish he caught earlier that day, he gestures for Greg to take it from him.

      With a satisfied look on his face, Greg smiles back and replies, “Thanks Baelin.” Taking a head of garlic with three large bulbs out of his basket, he exchanges it with the fish from Baelin as he continues, “It really was a great day for fishing; wasn’t it?”

      With his innocent look and huge smile he always has on his face, Baelin responds with a simple, “Huh-ha” as he then leaves Greg to his simplistic solace. 

      Once again loudly fighting with each other, Fred Orchardson and his wife Freda are now taking Greg’s notice. This time Fred’s angry because while he was away assisting an Adventurer with their Quest, Freda didn’t help run his fruit stand for him. Yelling back at him, Freda explains that she spends all day raising his children and doesn’t also have time to run his failing shop. Meanwhile, Fred’s arguing back that if his shop fails, they won’t have enough money to feed the children and will have to sell some of them to the orcs again. Being a typical end of a day fight for those two, Greg already knew it was really just Freda actually distracting her husband. Giggling to himself, he just watches as Bodger sneaks out the backside of their tent with Freda waving at him to hurry up. Trying her best to make sure her already angry husband doesn’t see him, Fred still turns around and quickly notices Bodger sneaking away, causing the fight to get more intense between the two. Already knowing about his wife and the others, the fight was a typical one with Bodger never being pulled into it personally.

      It doesn’t take Bodger long to make his way over afterward causing Greg to cringe to himself as he waits to hear whatever it is he has to say to belittle or best him. Instead, Bodger just calmly glances over at him smiling. “It was a great day; wasn’t it?”

      Confused by his good mood, Greg just takes it as he replies, “It sure was Bodger. I was able to sell a lot of my wares and hand out several new Quests as well.”

      “Are you going to join us tonight then?” Bodger excitedly asks, already knowing the answer.

      Glancing over at the Tavern of Honeywood and then back at a painting of a stick figure man in front of his little house, Greg sighs deeply as if upset about losing something. Not really in the mood for drinking, he answers, “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, but thank you for the offer as always. I just want to have a good dinner of fish and garlic and call it a day instead.”

      “Well, if you change your mind, you know I’m always ready to drink you under the table anytime.” Bodger responds as he takes his leave, heading straight for the Tavern of Honeywood. The fact that Bodger didn’t harass him was making this day even better. Smiling peacefully, Greg takes the fish from Baelin and the basket filled with garlic inside his home. 

      Once inside, he almost drops everything he’s carrying on the floor from the shock of seeing a man rummaging through his things. Instead of screaming at the man however, he just sighs out, “You again. There’s nothing to take. You already took everything yesterday and the day before that.” While creepily just staring back at him, the Watcher says nothing in response. Knowing well what’s about to happen, Greg tries his hardest to stop it as he shouts, “Don’t you dare! You’re not staying the night here again!” Slowly crouching downward, the Watcher gets ready to meditate right in the middle of the floor; ignoring any objections as Greg just decides to snicker out at the situation and ignore him. Since this has been becoming a nightly thing, he’s actually starting to feel kind of bad for the Watcher. Clearly not having a home to stay the night in of his own, Greg doesn’t mind sharing his with him. 

      It doesn’t take long for Greg to finish his delicious meal of fish and garlic causing him to feel satisfied and say to himself, “Fish and garlic, every meal.” as he rubs and pats his now full belly. Looking over at the Watcher still meditating right in the middle of the floor, he lets out another snicker. Feeling sorry for him, he picks up a small spare blanket and places it over his back to keep him warm through the night. Peacefully smiling, Greg blows out the candle that was providing the only light to his home as he lays in bed; falling into a deep sleep.

      Screaming coming from just outside causes Greg to become roused in a panic as he leaps from bed and dashes outside as fast as he can to see what the commotion is all about. Seeming in dire distress, it’s Eugene the local noble of Honeywood screaming at anyone to help him. The large mansion that Eugene lives in is covered in flames so intense they’re lighting up and heating the whole town. The darkness of the night is making the glowing flames seem almost angry and menacing in nature as Eugene’s screaming hysterically at an Adventurer to help save his family that are still inside of the mansion. Not helping with the situation at all, the Adventurer is instead insisting Eugene’s a piece of shit because he refuses to do anything himself to help his own family. 

      Knowing this isn’t going to end well because of Eugene’s nobility, Greg understands that he’s unable to do things for himself including helping his family. Running as fast as he can towards the mansion in order to help, he quickly notices even the front door has flames pouring out of it. Sighing at the horrendous sight, he gets ready to run inside the inferno anyways as a very familiar arrogant voice of a certain high sorcerer he knows well stops him. “Greg? Are you really just going to run into a burning building like that? Good thing I’m here to save you. Normally I would ignore such a piss ant of a town; but I’m already here so might as well lend my terrific powers.” It’s High Sorcerer Lord Baradun. 

      “Baradun, we need to hurry! Eugene’s wife and child are still inside!” Greg shouts out in a panic.

      Laughing nonchalantly back, Baradun casts a spell at the front door conjuring out a few words that Greg’s unable to even comprehend. Seeming to almost pull itself out of the air, water forms as a small sphere directly in front of Baradun; quickly continuing to grow as his hands move around helping the sphere to form correctly as it does so. Finally growing to five-feet in diameter, the sphere is suddenly thrown magically toward the burning doorway in order to extinguish the flames; leaving nothing more than the foul odor of smoke and sulfur afterwards. Casting his Water Sphere spell at the doorway, Baradun was able to douse the flames as the splashing water quickly douses the doorway allowing entry into the massive fiery inferno that was once Eugene’s home.

      Without even thinking, Greg just dashes into the still on fire mansion as the intense heat all around him causes him to scream out in a panic, “Eugenia! Gene!” Shouting out for Eugene’s wife and child, he tries his hardest to hear if they’re calling back without any luck. The roaring of the flames all around him are too loud to hear anything else as sweat drips off his already overheating body. The rising heat from the flames cause Greg to panic and wonder how he’s going to even be of help here in this situation as he gently wipes the sweat from his face.

      “Greg. Why are you in such a rush?” Slowly following him into the burning mansion, Baradun glances around clearly not happy with the hot air rushing everywhere around him. Casting his Water Sphere spell once again causes another ball of water to slam directly into the ceiling splashing in all directions, dousing the fire in the room and filling it with smoke so thick neither Greg nor Baradun can see or breathe. Choking on the smoke, Greg thinks the high sorcerer might not have thought this through just before he feels a huge gust of wind gushing straight out from Baradun’s mouth sending all of the smoke hastily out the front door. Using his Gust of Wind spell seems to have cleared the room of all of the smoke allowing the two to be able to see once again, but still leaving the distinct smell of charred wood all around. 

      “Hey! Careful where you’re casting spells.” With all the smoke gone, Greg can now clearly see that Bodger’s standing in the doorway, and he looks angry as he continues, “I came to offer help, but if this is how you’re going to treat me.”

      Sighing with relief, Greg replies, “We could really use your help, but we need to hurry. Eugenia and Gene are both still in here somewhere.” 

      Perking up, Bodger gets really intense; glancing around suspiciously just before mentioning, “There’s more than that here. I sense danger in this area. That’s the reason I came to check it out.”

      In the most non-caring manner a person can display, Baradun responds, “Whatever it is, Bodger; I’m sure I can deal with it easily.”

      Beyond exasperation, Greg just hollers at the two of them, “It’s because the mansion is on fire!” Just glaring at the two, he especially scowls at Baradun because he knows he would just portal himself away if things got too dangerous. “It’s good to have your help Bodger. I think I heard something coming from upstairs just now. Baradun, do you think you can use your magic to put the fire out on the stairs so we can check it out.”

     Obviously really annoyed by the whole thing, Baradun still does as he’s asked before replying, “There, are you happy now Greg? You know, I could be back at my castle drinking wine so superior that you’ll never even dream of how excellent it is. Instead, I’m here being magnificent. You should be praising me you know, not ordering me around like a peasant.”

      Sighing out at his arrogance, Greg just responds, “Not now Baradun,” as he runs up the now extinguished stairs; heading straight for the master bedroom. A noise came from the room earlier, and he’s hurrying to help if he can. As he tries to enter the door however, flames burst out of it throwing him hard onto the floor behind him. Running to his aid, Bodger helps him back up as Baradun once more uses his magic to extinguish the new issue without even trying. With the flames finally out, Greg can now clearly see inside the master bedroom as he notices and smells there’s someone in there; but it isn’t anyone from Eugene’s family. Instead, a simple Wild Fire Spirit is glaring straight back at him looking extremely annoyed at what’s going on; the stink of sulfur wafting off of it is so strong even Greg can smell it from his distance.

      Being a fire elemental that’s able to control and manipulate fire, a Wild Fire Spirit can take on many forms causing this one to look like a small devil with two little horns sticking out of his forehead and a long tail to match. Slowly walking toward the group, the Wild Fire Spirit doesn’t seem happy with the situation as the creature snarls out, “Outrageous. Seriously, all I asked was to be included and for my life to have some meaning, and this is what I get. I’m the freaking tutorial. I would’ve rather been left in the background. This is just so outrageous.”

      Now confused, Greg asks the creature, “What do you mean by the ‘tutorial’?”

      The beast glares back at Greg with no interest as it then quickly turns its attention directly toward Baradun. “If High Sorcerer Lord Baradun’s here, this must be the tutorial. I don’t even stand a chance, do I? Just outrageous. I’m willing to bet you could probably just kill me without even lifting your casting finger.”

      Chuckling to himself, Baradun responds, “I think you already know the answer to that.”

      Interrupting the conversation with pure confidence, Bodger announces, “If you think Baradun’s going to be trouble for you.” Proudly raising his hammer in the air to show it to the Wild Fire Spirit, he continues, “My grandfather’s hammer, that was rightfully given to me, is the bigger threat here.” 

      Laughing back hard, The Wild Fire Spirit replies, “And you really do believe that, don’t you?” Angry with the creature laughing at him, Bodger goes into a frenzied rage swinging his grandfather’s hammer directly through the creature; not harming it at all of course. No longer laughing, the Wild Fire Spirit gestures with its arms to Baradun at the disbelief of Bodger actually trying anyway. 

      Chuckling at the whole sight, Baradun explains, “Bodger, this is a fire elemental creature. Your hammer’s not going to have any effect on it. But this will.” Hastily casting his Cone of Cold spell, Baradun causes the entire area around them to suddenly freeze. Seeming completely unaffected and almost enjoying the new low temperature around him, Bodger rubs his nipples as Greg however is barely able to keep himself from freezing to death; shivering hard from the intense cold as he watches his own breath form into a thick cloud. Obviously throwing a high-level spell at the Wild Fire Spirit, Baradun just chuckles as the creature slowly shrivels up to nothing more than a small spark just before, poof; it’s completely gone.

      With the last spell Baradun cast, the rest of the mansion has now been put out and the fires have all stopped. Unfortunately, the spell has also frozen most of the burnt wood that’s holding up the mansion causing it to start slowly collapsing around the group. Carefully choosing each step wisely, Greg makes his way into the bedroom to only find that Gene has been unfortunately crushed by the ceiling that fell down on him. Laying on the bed looking peaceful as ever, is Eugene’s wife Eugenia, but she’s not moving at all or even breathing. Even though she looks like she’s just peacefully sleeping, her skin’s just so pale causing Greg to turn and ask Baradun, “Is she dead?”

      “Yes;”-he answers back coldly just before saying something Greg was not expecting “she died when the Wild Fire Spirit she summoned was killed by us. That most likely is what caused the ceiling to collapse on Gene as well.”

      “Wait?” Staring at Baradun in pure shock, Greg inquires, “Are you saying we caused this? Did we just kill Eugene’s family?”

      Giving him a very serious look back, Baradun explains carefully, “The ‘fire’ did this, Greg.”

      “But you just said-”

      “Greg; it was the ‘fire’. I need you to understand that the ‘fire’ did all of this.” Glancing over at Bodger to make sure that he understands this as well, Baradun notices right away that he wasn’t even paying any real attention and has no idea what’s actually going on. 

      Finally agreeing to keep his mouth shut, Greg promises to not tell Eugene about anything they found that night. Unfortunately though, such a lovely day was ruined in such a terrible way.