Chapter Text
Silence. As soon as the car doors closed there was nothing but silence between Ambrosius and Ballister. The two of them sat alone in the police car; none of the other knights wanted to share a ride with them. Bal couldn’t blame them after what happened in that bunker. Despite not being entirely finished, the second in command has insisted that the two of them go home earlier and that they’ve already ordered a second car to take them straight home. Ever since then neither of the two men have spoken a word to each other. They just sat next to each other, both looking to the ground in front of them.
Bal didn’t even know if Ambrosius wanted to talk to him. He was scared to open his mouth because he was afraid that the first response he’d get from his lover was that they were breaking up. It wasn’t like Bal couldn’t blame him. He carefully glanced to the side. Ambrosius looked at him with a side eye but quickly looked away as soon as the other had turned his head.
Carefully and slowly Bal reached out with his pinkie, touching the other man’s hand. For a moment nothing happened, then their pinkies intertwined. Both Bal and Ambrosius let out the breath they’d been holding and throughout their ride back their hands came closer and closer together until they were actually holding hands again. Words still weren’t spoken.
An automatic voice chirped that they’ve arrived at their destination and the doors opened. The tower was dark and quiet and the flowers in front of Nimona’s window were dried out. It almost looked abandoned.
Ballister struggled with the key in his hand. His prosthetic was unusually shaky. He might need to charge it again. Eventually Ambrosius sighed and took the key to open the door. Bal walked inside and was met with a pain in his gut. He didn’t like spending time in here when Nimona was somewhere out there, hurting. It felt so wrong.
Ballister went straight to getting rid of the armor plating. One by one he removed each piece.
“Do you need help?” Ambrosius’ voice came from behind as Bal struggled with the shoulder plating. After Bal only responded with a helpless glance, his lover approached, carefully as if not to startle a wild animal. With gentle hands he removed the shoulder plating. Bal returned the favor. For a small moment it felt like the old times in the academy; helping each other with the armor, being close enough to feel the other’s breath. He could smell tea brewing in the kitchen. They shed the chain mail until they were only in the silky linen.
“Sit down. I’ll get the tea.” Ballister sighed as he sat onto the couch, rubbing his shoulder and biting his cheek in pain.
Ambrosius arrived seconds later with two steaming cups of tea. He put the tea down on the coffee table and sat next to him. For a moment the blonde let him relax, lean back and slurp the tea. Then he spoke up again.
“Take the arm off.”
Bal’s gaze shot up and he looked at Ambrosius with wide eyes. “No,” he whispered and held the prosthetic with his organic arm as if to shield it from his lover.
“Please take the arm off, Bal.”
“I need it.”
“You don’t need it to talk and hold a cup of tea.”
Bal looked at Ambrosius weirdly. “You’re asking me to remove my mobility aid?”
“It’s been a bit more than a mobility aid for a while now, hasn’t it?”
Ballister went quiet.
“No weapons during tea time. Take it off, please.”
With a sigh he removed it and put it next to the couch. Ambrosius gestures towards him to show him his back. With a groan Ballister complied, having no strength left in him to fight.
“Let’s take a look,” Ambrosius whispered to himself and carefully slid the black shirt up. Bal felt his fingers touching around his right shoulder blades where the stitches had healed the worst. Despite his fingers being calloused with years of knight training, his touch was so gentle that he wanted to lean into his touch. A wave of emotion washed over Bal. Before he realized he had a stream of tears running down his cheeks. He trembled as he bit back his sobs. Ambrosius froze for a moment, realizing what had happened. Then Bal felt warm arms embrace him from behind and Ambrosius put his head into the crook of his neck, placing gentle kisses on his skin.
“Ambrosius,” Bal cried with a rasping voice. Ambrosius slid even closer, hugging him more. “I’m not well,” Bal admitted. “I-I’m not…”
Ambrosius looked at him with pained eyes and pressed Bal’s head against his lips, covering him with even more kisses. “I know, Bal,” he whispered, “I’m not either. We will get better together, okay? We will get better.”
Bal nodded, another wave of tears running down his face. “It’s just… I’m scared she won’t make it,” Bal sobbed, fighting for every word to get out as his chest started to ache with the tears. Ambrosius didn’t interrupt. He was right by his side, rocking them back and forth in a tight embrace and listening to everything.
“B-but I’m also scared of what I will see i-if I find her. What if I find her and that joy in her eyes is gone? What if that energy in her voice disappeared? She might fight to stay alive but what if they have already killed a part of her?”
Ambrosius looked at him deeply, drawing circles over his shoulders but continued to listen.
“I just… I have never even told her I love her. N-not once. When I thought I did it wasn’t her.”
“She knows you love her,” Ambrosius said confidently. “H-how do you know that?” Bal asked and turned to face him. “Because I know you love me.”
Bal looked at him, eyes widening. “I never told you?”
Ambrosius smiled, gently, hand reaching up to wipe the tears off of Bal’s face. “You did, a few times. But you show it more times than I can count. You have so much love in your heart. And your love is so strong.”
Bal nodded, sniffing his nose and pressing his head against Ambrosius. “I thought I lost you,” Bal whispered into his lover’s chest, his one arm reaching out to return the embrace.
“I told you, you won’t have to chose between her and me. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”
Bal chuckled and deepened the embrace. Ambrosius started to slump into himself. Now it was Bal who was drawing circles onto Ambrosius’ back.
“Do you think you can sleep when I’m right here with you?” he whispered into his lover’s ear. Only today he realized how tired he had looked. He felt awful for how he hadn’t noticed it.
“I want to check over your injury first, Bal,” Ambrosius yawned. Bal shook his head, “That can wait until tomorrow. You can barely keep your eyes open.”
“Tomorrow. Promise?” Ambrosius asked and looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“It’s not going anywhere.”
Ambrosius nodded and with a lot of will power the two got up and went to bed. Ambrosius fell asleep as soon as his body hit the mattress, one arm wrapped around Ballister’s waist. Bal stared at him for a few minutes longer, taking in all the tiny details of his face. His slightly hooked nose, the small patch of stubble on his chin, the way his dark roots started growing out. He looked at him as if he’d look at him for the last time and listened to his rhythmic breathing that quickly became a loud snoring.