Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What do you want out of life?

The question is simple, something that, perhaps, should not be threatening in the slightest, but it still scares Shouyou when his eyes scan over the essay question. How the hell is he supposed to answer this? He’s only sixteen— well, he’s about to be sixteen— he has no clue what he wants out of life. Besides volleyball, maybe. 

Well, no. Not maybe. He does want volleyball in his life, and he plans on working his ass off to make it happen.

He decides to visit Takeda-sensei for help before practice. His teacher is clearly surprised to see him here but smiles and beckons him in.

“Hi, Hinata-kun. Everything okay?”

“I have to write this stupid essay and I don’t know where to start. They want us to say what we want out of life. How am I supposed to know that? I’m just a kid. I don’t know anything.”

“You don’t need to have your entire life figured out. The prompt just wants to know what you want to make of yourself. You know, do you want to go to school? Work as a carpenter?”

“Play volleyball,” Shouyou continues with a nod. “I don’t think school is for me.”

“And that’s okay. Higher education isn’t for everyone. Maybe though... you should have a backup plan in case?”

“I won’t need a backup plan. Trust me.” Shouyou takes a deep breath. “But I guess I wouldn’t mind being a teacher, or a coach like you.”

Takeda blushes. “Well, yes, you could do that too. But only if you want that out of life. Figure out what your purpose is, and what you want to become. Nothing needs to be set in stone, but it’s good to think about these things.”

“Sure, sir. Thank you.”

Shouyou leaves the office feeling even more discouraged than before. All he wants out of life is volleyball. If that doesn’t happen, what comes next?

He wishes he didn’t have to wait to find out. School is so boring; he wants to fast forward to life as an adult. No more waiting, no more dreading, and no more stupid homework. He’d be buff, play volleyball every day, and wouldn’t have to worry about anything this mundane ever again.

The next day is Shouyou’s birthday. The Karasuno volleyball team sings him happy birthday and gives him a slice of cake. Kageyama even mutters something semi-nice. Despite boring homework and lectures from his teachers, the day is nice. He gets to stay late at practice and even goes to get meat buns downtown with Yachi, Kageyama, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi. Kageyama offers to walk home with him.

“You’re dumb, and I don’t want you getting hurt before training camp,” he mutters as an excuse, but Shouyou doesn’t buy it. He grins.

“If I didn’t know better, it would sound like you enjoy hanging out with me, Yama-Yama.”

“Whatever, dumbass. You’re just an idiot.”

“It’s my birthday. Could you be a little nicer to me?”

Kageyama sighs and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. “How is that essay going?”

“It’s not. This is a waste of time, don’t you think? We don’t need to figure out what we want yet. That’s like, a third-year problem.”

Kageyama shrugs. “I dunno. I think it’s an interesting question. Could be nice to look back and see what we wanted ‘then’ versus ‘a now’ kind of thing.”

Shouyou rolls his eyes. “You’re all sentimental or whatever, Kageyama. I am not like that in the slightest. I just wish we could skip to the good part.”

Kageyama is obviously hurt by Shouyou’s comment, but the redhead is too clueless to notice. His voice shakes as he repeats his friend’s words.“The good part?”

“Yeah! The part where we’re professional volleyball players and don’t have to worry about stupid homework and school. All we do is play volleyball, hang out with friends, travel the world, all that stuff.”

He huffs. “Why are you in such a hurry to grow up? Adults have to pay bills and taxes. Do you have any clue how to do that?”

“Well, no, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out, right?”

“Not if you magically turn thirty tomorrow.”

“Then I would have like, self-consciously learned all that stuff or something. That’s how it works.”

“Sure.”

“None of this stuff is real, dummy. So I can make it up as I go.”

“I just think you need to slow down and focus on what’s going on now. We have games coming up. If you want to make it to the championships, you need to work your ass off and not daydream about the future.”

“I know that.”

They’ve reached the fork in the road. Kageyama clears his throat and moves his shoulders toward his neighborhood streets. “Well. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. That is if you’re still not lost in the clouds.”

“Whatever, Stinky-Yama. See you tomorrow.” Shouyou straddles his bike and prepares to kick off when Kageyama says something else.

“And Happy Birthday.”

One nod later, they take off their separate ways.

His mother is stressed when Shouyou arrives home. She barely says three words to him, and not one is a “happy” or a “birthday.” Natsu is already asleep, so Shouyou goes to his room alone and sits down to work on his essay. His throat burns.

Being a kid means getting your feelings hurt about silly things like this. If he was an adult, he’d probably be able to tough this out, or something.

Shouyou gives up on homework half an hour later and decides to call it a night. He doesn’t even brush his teeth — only climbs into bed and closes his eyes.

Maybe he can dream about his future instead.

Loud traffic and car horns echoing over each other wake him up in the morning.

Confused, Shouyou rolls over, groaning, and shoves his head underneath his pillow. There are never this many cars on his street; he lives too far away for much traffic. Maybe it’s his alarm or some kind of prank.

“Mom!” He gives in and sits up, curls spiraling down into his eyes. The room he is in is not his own, and sunlight streams in through floor-to-ceiling windows.

Floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of Tokyo City.

Wait.

Tokyo?

He feels his stomach flip. This isn't right.

Is he dreaming? Shouyou must be dreaming. He can’t be in Tokyo! He— he’s been to Tokyo like, three times in his life, and he certainly wasn’t there when he went to bed last night.  This room he’s in is pretty boring, with beige, neutral tones and clean furniture. There is a chair in the corner with some clothes draped over it and a duffle bag on top of a nearby dresser. Shouyou peels back the duvet, head pounding, as he stands up and wobbles over to a mirror in the corner. He gasps in shock, tumbling backward into the open closet doors.

His reflection is him, but not him he knows. He’s older, with shaggy hair that falls into his eyes, bulky muscles, and tanned skin. He’s much tanner than he remembers being.

“Oh god,” he whispers, shocked by even the sound of his voice. It’s deeper and more mature.

“Shouyou, I have to start my stream! If you want coffee, we have to go now!”

That sounds like... but no... it can’t be!

Shouyou steps out of the room and is greeted with a beautiful penthouse view of Tokyo. A man with long dark hair wearing an oversized jacket is fixing himself something in the microwave. When he turns around, Shouyou is astonished to discover it’s Kenma of all people.

“Kenma-san? Is that you?”

Kenma rolls his eyes. “How many times have I told you to stop calling me that? I think we’ve been friends long enough for you to drop the honorific.”

A gulp. “Uh... sorry.” Okay. Shouyou is officially freaking out. “You mentioned... coffee?”

“Yeah. I have to meet with Kuro in about an hour for a sponsored stream, so we gotta go now. You can come back and get your stuff if you want; you have the key.” He waves his hand nonchalantly as if he didn’t just spew a bunch of words totally clueless to Shouyou.

“Uh, right. Yes. Sure.”

“Well?” Kenma gestures to the hallway. “Go get dressed!”

“Right, right! I’m going!” Shouyou darts back to the room he woke up in and grabs the duffle bag. He rifles through it, still feeling like his body is too big and his limbs are gangly and disoriented. Plus— jeez, he needs a freaking haircut. Shouyou even pinches himself before changing, hoping that this really is a dream.

“Hey, Kenma-san, er, I mean Kenma?” He clears his throat. “Do you know... how I could get in contact with Kageyama?”

Kenma scrunches his nose. “Why?”

“Cause he’s my best friend, right?” Probably shouldn’t say that in front of Kenma. “Or uh, one of my best friends?”

“I dunno. He’s probably still around the Adlers complex. I can ask Kuro.”

“Adlers?”

“Shouyou, are you okay? You’ve been acting really weird this morning.”

“No, uh, I’m fine! Everything is fine. I just had the weirdest dream last night, where I went to bed on my sixteenth birthday, and then woke up here in...”

“In 2020?”

“ 2020?” What the heck? “I mean, yeah. Yes. In 2020. It is 2020, and not 2012. Heh...”

“Okay...” Kenma shakes his head. “Come on. I have shit to do.”

“I’m coming!”

Shouyou trails behind Kenma all the way to the elevator and down to street level. Man, Kenma is so rich! Shouyou is having a hard time digesting this all. So... he went to sleep as a sixteen-year-old, wishing he could skip to the good part, and he woke up eight years later, which means he is...

Twenty-four.

Holy fucking shit. He’s twenty-four!

He’s an adult!

Shouyou accidentally squeals, causing Kenma to gently smack his shoulder. The coffee shop is just around the corner from the apartment, so it doesn’t take long before they arrive at the quaint store. Kenma tells Shouyou to specifically “not embarrass him.”

“When have I ever done that?” He asks innocently. Kenma scowls.

“I don’t need to answer that. Come on; I’m not being late today.”

“But Kuroo-san can get me Kageyama’s address, right?”

“Yes, he’s figuring it out! Dang, why are you so obsessed with Kageyama all of a sudden? I thought you hated him.”

What? “Hate him? Why would I hate him?”

“You know better than me. What do you want? Mocha?”

“I don’t like coffee.”

“Dude, you’re being so weird today.” With a shake of his head, Kenma orders something for Shouyou anyway before dragging him off to the pick-up counter to wait.

“I’m not trying to be weird! There’s just... a lot going on!”

“You’re hungover. Drink the coffee; caffeine will help.” Kenma’s phone buzzes, eliciting another heavy sigh. “Shit, Kuroo is already there. Alright, I gotta bounce.” He grabs his coffee right as the worker hands it over to him, telling him to have a good day. Kenma must come here often. “Good luck today; I’ll text you Kageyama’s address as soon as I get it.”

“Wait, I don’t have my phone, how am I supposed to—”

“Check your pocket, Shouyou! Bye!”

And just like that, he’s gone. The girl behind the counter sets another paper cup down brewing with steam. She smiles sympathetically. “Long day for you too, Hinata-san?”

His eyes widen. “You know me too?”

“Well, yeah! You’re always hanging out with Kozume-san, and I just saw your game another night. You guys are awesome!”

“Playing... a game?”

She laughs. “Are you okay, sir? If you need me to get you some water, or—”

“No, no... that’s okay. I’m fine.” No need to make another person worry about his sanity. He checks his pocket as instructed, finding a cell phone that looks ages more advanced than his tiny flip phone from 2012. He knew people who had smartphones back then, but they were nothing like this.

A message from Kenma comes through with an address. Bingo. 

“Where’s the closest train station?”

“Just up the street. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m great! Thank you!” Shouyou waves over his shoulder as he makes his way toward the exit. Kageyama will believe him. He knows it.

“Sir, sir! Hinata-san, your coffee!”

“Keep it!” He shouts, the bell above the door ringing behind him.

It turns out that Kageyama is also living in luxury because his apartment is in a high-rise building with lots of windows. Shouyou avoids the looks of people concerned about why he's still in his pajamas as he clicks the elevator button for the twenty-fourth floor. He counts the apartments as he makes his way down the hallway until he finds the right door.

One deep breath later, Shouyou knocks and takes a step back.

It’s a good thing, too, because Kageyama takes his breath away.

He’s tall, first of all. Taller than he was in high school, anyway. His hair is longer, parted in the middle instead of swept to the side, and he’s muscular— that Shouyou can clearly tell through his t-shirt and sweatpants. That grumpy look on his face never went away, though. It’s exactly the same as in high school.

“Kageyama, oh my gosh! You’re so... handsome!”

The frown deepens. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Hinata—”

“Yeah. I remember you. What are you doing here?”

“I uhm, this is going to be hard to explain, but yesterday was my sixteenth birthday, and I kept wishing I could skip high school and get to the good part, but I didn’t expect that to actually happen, so now I’m here and I have no clue what’s going on and I’m freaking out!” His breaths are starting to quicken and he feels like he might pass out. “You’re the only one I could trust with all of this.”

“I’m the only one you can trust? Me?”

“Yes! Can I please come inside?”

A moment passes before Kageyama sighs and opens the door for Shouyou to come inside. He hesitantly enters, astonished by the height of the ceilings and how nice the apartment is. What does he do for a living?

Wait. Kageyama's parents were rich, right? Did they pay for all of this?

“So why are you living in Tokyo?”

Kageyama tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Did you hit your head or something?”

“What? No, of course not! Why are you so surprised to see me?”

“Because we haven’t spoken since high school, Hinata.”

Shouyou feels his heart stop for a moment. He shakes his head. “What? No! That can’t be true— you’re my best friend!”

“Yeah, like ten years ago. You went off on some trip to Brazil after graduation and never spoke to me again.”

“What? Why would I do that?”

He shrugs lamely. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Oh god... I’m gonna be sick.” Shouyou reaches out for the sofa as Kageyama runs into the kitchen. He returns with a bowl and a glass of water, handing the items over to the boy who is turning green. Shouyou expresses his gratitude.

“Ugh,” he groans. Kageyama sighs.

“What are you doing here, Hinata?”

“I told you, something strange is happening to me!” Shouyou forces himself to sit up and slurp at the water in his hands. “Last night, when I went to bed, I was sixteen years old. When I woke up this morning, I was in a completely different city, in an apartment that wasn’t my own!”

“Congratulations.”

“Not like that! Ew!” Shouyou pauses to catch his breath. “I remember everything from that day, okay? Daichi yelled at us during morning practice for being too rowdy, then I got surprised with a slice of cake from Takeda-sensei and Coach. You stayed late to toss to me after school got out, and we went and got meat buns, and then you walked me home. We had that conversation about wanting to fast-forward time, remember? And you were all sentimental and stuff, not wanting to skip ahead, but I made that wish before I went to bed and when I woke up I was here. I’m here in 2020 and the last thing I remember is walking home with you!”

Kageyama stares at him. Blinks. Stares some more.

“You don’t remember the last eight years of your life?”

“No!”

“Maybe you should go to the doctor or something then because I’m not sure I’ll be able to help you get your memories back.”

“I’m not getting them back, Dummy-yama! I’m trying to get memories for the first time!” Shouyou groans and pushes his fingers into his eyes. “You have to have something that can help me, right?”

After a moment of silence, Kageyama disappears down the hallway and returns with a stack of books. Three of them are yearbooks from their time at Karasuno; the others are his journals. He plops them down on the coffee table before taking a seat and opening the yearbook from 2012. “We made it to the championships our first year but lost against Nekoma. We came in third.”

“Third! That’s amazing!”

“We got even closer our second and third year, but never made it to first. Ennoshita-san was captain our second year, and Yamaguchi was captain during our third.” Kageyama grabs one of his journals and flips through the pages until he finds the one he wants, displaying it toward Shouyou. There is a Polaroid photo of the first-years turned third-years all posing, with a number two on Kageyama’s jersey and a five on Shouyou’s.

“You... were vice-captain?”

“Yep.” The journal makes a poof sound when he closes it. “Then after graduation, you went to Brazil to learn how to play beach volleyball and I moved out here to play with the Adlers.”

“Wait. You play professional volleyball? Kageyama, that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

Kageyama blinks at him. “So do you, dumbass.”

“No way. No way! I do?!” Shouyou jumps up off the sofa and rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Am I still a middle blocker? Oh, am I still the decoy?”

“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

He sighs. “Let me walk you back to where you’re staying. Still friends with Kozume-san? Is that who I should take you to?”

“No, I can’t leave yet—”

“I don’t WANT you here!” He shouts so loudly that the glass chandelier above his dining table rattles. Kageyama sighs and murmurs an apology. Shouyou’s eyes water. 

“Sorry. I thought...”

“We aren’t friends anymore, Hinata. And while I understand and sympathize that you don’t remember, you also need to understand that I do. So let me walk you home and we can both move on, okay?”

Shouyou doesn’t want to make things worse, so he nods his head and agrees.

They talk about a lot of things on the walk back home. Kageyama talks about his time in Rio for the 2016 Olympics, and how he’s looking forward to the 2020 games at the end of next month. Shouyou expresses his own excitement for playing, and he catches Kageyama chuckling at his antics.

He’s happy, at least, that Kageyama has his life together. He’s been playing volleyball professionally since he was eighteen and has come a long way since high school. Kageyama is nicer, more mature, and it makes Shouyou’s heart swoon in a way he doesn’t quite understand.

“Well.” They stop in front of Kenma’s building. Kageyama folds his hands over his chest. “Can you make it up to Kozume-san’s place okay?”

“Yeah. I think I can manage. Thanks for walking me home.”

“Sure. I hope things get a little easier. I still think you should see a doctor, especially if we’re about to start training for the Olympics.”

“I’ll consider it if you promise you’ll toss to me at practice.”

Kageyama chuckles again. “Alright. I promise. See you, Hinata.”

After about thirty minutes of aimlessly wandering around the halls looking for Kenma’s apartment, Shouyou finally gets someone to help him and he collapses on the sofa with exhaustion. It turns out that being thrown into a world unknown will do that to a person.

He passes the time by looking through his social media. There is a blue check mark by his name on Instagram and Twitter, which means he’s official! That’s crazy to him.

Even more crazy is that he’s looking at all these photos of someone who looks like him— someone who he is, but he doesn't remember any of these memories. Photos of him playing volleyball on the beaches of Rio de Janeiro, hanging out with friends and partners he doesn’t recognize. There is also a selfie of him and Oikawa, which also feels weird. Shouyou reads the comments on the post before moving on.

There is one of him and Kageyama dressed in their graduation gowns. It makes Shouyou’s heart ache, so he exits the app and looks at his photo album. 

Natsu is in high school now, playing volleyball herself. Tsukishima lives in Sendai and plays for the Frogs; Yamaguchi is doing marketing in Tokyo. The two of them are engaged.

Yachi is a graphic designer. Sugawara is a teacher, and Daichi is a police officer. Tanaka and Kiyoko-san got married.

It all feels… uncanny. 

Yet, he finds himself going back to Kageyama. The former Karasuno setter doesn’t post often, but when he does, he looks beautiful. It feels like something he shouldn’t be doing, like sneaking looks at dirty magazines with his mother in the next room. In fact, when Kenma walks in, Shouyou drops his phone directly onto his face and scrambles to stand up.

“Hi!”

“Shouyou, why are you still here? Your train left hours ago!”

“My train?”

“Back to Osaka! Jeez.” Kenma types something into his phone as he sighs. “I bought you a new ticket and I’m going to walk you to the station. I’ll let Bokuto know to come grab you. I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“Yeah. Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll just make sure you don’t drink like that next time.” Kenma smiles. “Need help packing?”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“You’ll be okay, Shou. I’ll see you in a few weeks anyway since you’ll be back for training. Still planning on staying with me?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah of course!”

“Cool. Having you on stream will be good for the view counts.”

“Wait a minute. You said Bokuto was picking me up? As in, one of the top three aces in Japan Bokuto?”

Kenma raises an eyebrow. “Bokuto, your teammate? Shou, I’m really worried about you.”

Shit. Bokuto Koutarou is his teammate? When did that happen? Shouyou doesn’t even recall meeting the guy.

“Sorry. I promise everything is okay! Let me grab my stuff and we can go to the station, okay?”

Kenma nods, but the close eye he keeps on his friend tells Shouyou everything he needs to know. Time to be more “self-aware” about the fact that he just randomly appeared in the body of his twenty-four-year-old self.

The train ride back to Osaka is three hours long. Shouyou spends more time looking at photos and reading about the last eight years of his life. He sees pictures of himself with Tsukishima, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Kageyama, along with another guy Shouyou doesn’t recognize. Akaashi is his name, according to the Instagram tag. He has pictures with his teammates too, mainly two named Atsumu and Sakusa, who he also doesn’t recognize, but realizes he met them his first year too. He watches videos of his matches and is blown away by how good his receives are. He’s looking at an entirely different person.

He pretends he knows Bokuto as well as he’s supposed to when he gets off the train. Bokuto mentions something about Sakusa and Atsumu and the Olympics, but Shouyou is only half listening. He already wants to be back in Tokyo hanging out with Kageyama.

The worst part about all of this is that Shouyou can’t picture what could have caused him to stop speaking to his best friend, and another part of him is terrified to find out.

Chapter Text

Practice with the Japanese National Team starts next week, and Shouyou couldn't be any more excited.

He’s spent the last two weeks trying to frantically introduce himself to his teammates without them knowing by stalking their social media and anything he can find out about them in the Jackals dorms. Luckily his skills still remain, because Shouyou can get through practice without much trouble. He thinks he’s honestly doing an okay job at pretending to know and/or remembering who all these people are.

Shouyou does end up calling Yamaguchi for answers, though. He’s sad to hear that Yamaguchi is also surprised to hear from him. Who is this nasty version of Shouyou who doesn’t talk to his friends or his family? What really happened all those years ago that made him like this?

Yamaguchi informs him that the last time they spoke— or when he spoke with any of his Karasuno teammates— was during a match in Sendai that everyone came out to. After that, Hinata Shouyou dropped off the face of the planet.

He still can’t comprehend nor fathom why he’d do such a thing, but the fact that he did it is what hurts so much.

Shouyou wants to make things right, so, as soon as he gets to Tokyo, he invites Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, and Yachi out for lunch. They seem reluctant to talk about anything from the past, instead only wanting to catch up on what’s going on now, but Shouyou presses. Really presses.

“We’ve all been busy,” Yamaguchi shrugs, refusing to make eye contact. “I don’t think it’s anything you did.”

“He’s lying,” Tsukishima states as he eyes his fiancé sternly and addresses Shouyou. “You were an asshole, Hinata. And I mean an asshole even by my standards. You barely talked to us that entire match, acted like you were better than us because you were playing pro, and stopped communicating with us after that. You wanted to move on and not be seen with you less than friends.”

Shouyou wants to argue, but he can’t. It might not be him who did that— the sixteen-year-old version of him, anyway— but the twenty-two-year-old him did.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi finally admits, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess there was that too.”

“You finally got what you wanted, and you didn’t need us anymore,” Yachi finishes. She too doesn’t want to look Shouyou in the eye.

“Then... why did I stop talking to Kageyama?”

“I think that’s a question for him, hun.” Yachi gently touches the top of Shouyou’s hand and smiles. “We appreciate you wanting to apologize to us. Our lives have all changed so much since high school, and it makes sense that we’d lose our way every now and again. The most important thing is that you eventually come back home.”

“I am sorry. I want you guys around and in my life. I'll get you tickets to see the matches in the Olympics! I can get you a hotel—”

“We already have plans, Hinata,” interrupts Tsukishima with a grumpy tone. “But maybe we can grab lunch again.”

“Yeah,” Shouyou replies sadly. “Just, uh, let’s keep in touch?”

“Of course,” Yamaguchi promises. “Maybe we can tag along at an after party or something.”

“That’d be fun,” Yachi agrees. Shouyou nods.

“Sure. That sounds great.”

“Cheer up Shoukun,” Bokuto says when Shouyou drags himself back to the gym. “You’ll always have us!”

And while Shouyou is thankful for that, he hates that he neglected his friends and threw them away like they were trash.

He’s at least thankful that Kageyama is still interacting with him. He smiled when Shouyou walked into the gym, his hair falling into his eyes in a way that made Shouyou want to giggle like a schoolgirl. 

Then he got his shit together and moved on, because why would he do that? The idea makes him grimace.

It’s just… Kageyama is so attractive now that he’s older. Shouyou doesn’t recall ever being attracted to him in high school, but then again, he’s only known Kageyama for like, four months. How does he not have a girlfriend?

Unless he does have a girlfriend and is being secretive about it. That does seem like something Kageyama would do. 

Maybe he can ask in a way that would give it away. 

“So… are you seeing anyone?” He asks as they stretch before practice. Kageyama has always been more flexible than the average boy, but watching him now is hypnotizing. The veins in his hands pop out as he wraps them around the toes of his sneakers and his thighs bulge in a way that makes Shouyou have to look away flushed.

“No. Don’t have a lot of time for it. Besides, I’m moving after the Olympics are over.”

“You are? Where?”

“Italy. I signed a contract with a team abroad.”

Shouyou’s eyes widen. “Abroad? Kageyama, that’s amazing! That’s been our dream since like, forever! Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“Didn’t really have a chance,” he answers, pushing even further past his toes and practically bending himself in half in the process. “Dating isn’t in the cards right now.”

“I’m sure you break all kinds of girl’s hearts.”

He shrugs. “I’m not into women.”

“You mean—“

“I told you that our third year. you don’t remember that either?”

“No, uh, I remember! just… forgot.”

“Right.” At least Kageyama doesn’t seem upset. He’s smirking. “Hey, do you want to give our quick attack a shot? I bet we could really impress Coach with that.”

“Of course! I just did that a few days ago!” Shouyou pauses. “I mean… a few years. When we were in school.”

Kageyama ignores him. “We can practice in Gym B after we’re dismissed.”

“I’m super glad you know what you’re doing.”

“Yeah. I am too.” They share another smile, and Shouyou ignores the butterflies in his stomach.

Shouyou quickly realizes that he’s taken Kageyama’s tosses for granted.

He struggles greatly with other tosses, even though he’s good at hiding it. Playing with Kageyama, however, is second nature, and Shouyou soars. He hasn't laughed this hard, nor seen Kageyama laugh this hard, since before he magically grew up.

“That was good, Hinata. Thank you.” Kageyama flops backward and stares up at the ceiling, the volleyball still clutched in between his palms. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.”

“It suits you,” Shouyou says between his hiccups. “You should do it more. You didn’t even do it all that often back then.”

“I had some stuff to work on.” A pause. Kageyama rolls over onto his side, abandoning the volleyball to slowly bounce across the floor. “But you made it better.”

“I’m so sorry.” Shouyou adverts his gaze out of guilt. “Speaking to you, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi… Yachi even, made me realize that I took friendships for granted. and I want to make up for all of that.”

“You’re on a good path. Trust me, I understand where you’ve been. I’ve been there too.” This smile is soft and empathetic. “It’s really nice to hang out with you again, Hinata.”

“It’s nice to hang out with you too.” Shouyou sits up. “Hey, would you want to get food after practice?”

“Yeah. That sounds nice.”

Before an early dinner, however, Shouyou is stopped by his teammates. He’s still unfamiliar with most of them, but they seem like good guys, for the most part.

“You’re gettin’ awfully close with Tobio-kun again, Shou.”

Three pairs of eyes are staring him down. Atsumu, Bokuto, and Sakusa. Shouyou shrugs nervously.

“Nothing is happening! We’re just... reconnecting! What’s wrong with that?”

“Did you forget what he did to you?!” Bokuto nearly cries out, making Shouyou’s fear turn into concern.

“What? What did he do to me?”

“Oh my god.” Atsumu grabs Shouyou by the shoulders and shakes him roughly. “He told you that you’d never make it in volleyball! How can you not remember that?”

“Because Hinata doesn’t hold grudges like you, Idiot Miya,” counters Sakusa with a scowl. Atsumu flips him off.

“You told us to never let you talk to him again, no matter how much you begged.”

“He did not ask us to do that.”

Atsumu sticks his tongue out at Sakusa this time. “We don’t want yer heart getting broken again, Shoukun. Just be mindful, kay?”

“Sure,” Shouyou agrees strictly to get his teammates off his back. He has Kageyama waiting for him. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

Atsumu and Bokuto slink away, but Sakusa stays put, arms folded over his chest. He waits for the other two to be out of earshot before speaking. “Miya has a crush on you. That’s why he wants you to stay away from Kageyama.”

“What?!”

“I honestly thought it was obvious.” He presses his lips together. “That being said, you did complain a lot about Kageyama when you first joined the team. Are you sure everything is alright between you two?”

“We’ve apologized for our actions, and we want to make things right. What’s so wrong about that?”

“Nothing at all. Just remember to take care of yourself too. You’re bad about that.”

And just like that, he’s gone too, leaving Shouyou to cluelessly stumble over to his best-kinda-no-longer-best friend. Kageyama raises an eyebrow as he throws his duffle bag over his shoulders.

“What were they talking about?”

“Apparently Atsumu-san has a crush on me and doesn’t want me around you.”

Kageyama snorts. “Wow.”

“That’s what I said! We’re... rekindling a lost flame, right? Nothing else?”

“Right. Nothing else.” Kageyama’s face drops for a millisecond before he gestures to the right. “There’s a really good curry place down the street from here. Want to go there?”

“I’d love to.”

He’s always known Kageyama liked curry, but finding out he was in a curry commercial makes Shouyou laugh until his stomach hurts. Kageyama frowns at him, but he can’t stop himself from smiling too.

“I know, I know! It was goofy, okay? But my manager said it’d be a good idea, and that I needed to start doing more PR stuff, which I hate by the way, but that’s part of the job.”

“Which sucks, ‘cause all I want to do now is play.”

Kageyama shrugs. “We’ll have photoshoots and interviews during all of this too. Don’t worry, though. It’s pretty easy.”

“Are you offering to help me survive the Olympic season?”

“I think you’re doing that okay by yourself.” He finishes off his drink and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s been nice having someone familiar around. I know my teammates are here, but being here with you... makes me think of the good times we had at Karasuno.”

“Oh yeah! Ushiwaka-san is on your team. Is that weird?”

“Maybe a little at first. Similar to having Bokuto on your time, right?” Kageyama affectionately gives Shouyou’s hair a ruffle, which makes the smaller boy shrink in embarrassment. He knows his face is deep red.

“It’s still strange to see everyone grown up,” he mumbles, knowing Kageyama will be confused by that statement. “I feel like I missed out on so much. But at the same time, the life I have now is amazing! I’m playing volleyball all the time, hanging out with my friends, and I have so much money —”

“Shh!” Kageyama slaps the top of his hand. “It’s rude to talk about that. Just, enjoy what you have, and don’t be a dick about it.”

Shouyou sticks out his tongue. “You shouldn’t curse either, Dummy-Yama.”

Kageyama scoffs. “Fine. We both shut up then, how about that?”

It’s quiet for all of two seconds before Shouyou breaks. “You’re a lot different than you were when we were first years.”

“Yeah. I grew up. Something I think you should learn about too.” He’s joking, but Shouyou can sense the resentment in his tone. It makes him think back to what Atsumu-san had told him.

“Did you really say that you thought I’d never make it in volleyball?”

He freezes. Shouyou watches, eyes nervously flickering from side to side as Kageyama sips at his drink and plays with his spoon before replying. “I guess there are things I can apologize for too.”

“I mean it when I say I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I got too excited about what I had and what was coming to remember the past. Practice with you reminded me that your tosses will always be the most incredible ones of them all.”

“You’re amazing without them too.” Their eyes meet. “I should have never said what I said about you needing me to be good. You’ve proved me wrong.”

Shouyou smiles. “I want to stay here with you forever.”

“I guess we’ll have to settle for the next few months then.”

Dammit. Even Kageyama’s eyes are beautiful. Shouyou is really having a weird, mid-life crisis right now at the ripe age of twenty-four. He crosses one leg over the other to hide his feelings and holds a hand out in the shape of a fist bump. It makes Kageyama roll his eyes, but Shouyou presses.

“Come on, Yama-Yama. Just one more fist bump.”

Electricity zips between them when their fists meet. Shouyou grins from ear to ear.

“A group of us are going out tonight to drink. Have you ever drank before?”

“Of course I have, dumbass Hinata.”

“You should come with us.”

Kageyama isn’t able to properly contain his smile; a smile that is soft and gentle, contrary to popular belief. “I’ll consider it.”

Drinking and partying are new to Shouyou. His beer tastes disgusting, but he keeps sipping it because everyone else is and he doesn’t want to bring any unwanted attention onto himself. These past few weeks have been full of new experiences, so he figures he should say yes to everything that comes his way. That includes alcohol, which he soon grows to regret. Is this what Kenma meant when he said Shouyou was hungover?

Tonight though, he’s having a blast, dancing among his teammates while he chugs whatever is handed to him, whether it tastes bad or not. People are laughing at him, but Shouyou is too drunk to pay attention.

“It’s the freakin’ OLYMPICS!” He shouts at the top of his lungs. “We’re AMAZING!”

The rest of his drunk teammates holler in unison. He loves his adult life.

And soon, Shouyou finds out, that some alcohol does taste good, and other alcohol is nearly impossible to know is alcohol in the first place. He sways back and forth, drink in hand, rubbing up against strangers in the nightclub. He’s wealthy and famous, playing volleyball professionally for a living. How can life get any better than this?

Shouyou knew skipping to the good part was the best idea he’s ever had.

“Hinata?”

Kageyama, who just entered the nightclub that was listed in the Olympics group chat, is dressed in a nice jacket and a button down shirt. He smells amazing, like expensive cologne and hair products. His face is also twisted into a signature frown, which Shouyou ignores.

“Kageyama! Hi! HELLO!” He shouts over the roar of the music and bodies in the bar. When he tries to hug his best friend, Kageyama twists his body and catches Shouyou before he can plummet to the ground.

“You’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I know! It’s so awesome!” Shouyou’s words slur unbeknown to himself. “I was drinking beer first, which was so gross, but then I started drinking whatever this is and oh my gosh, it’s sooo good Yama, it tastes like pineapples and coconut...”

Kageyama takes the glass from Shouyou’s hands and sticks the straw into his mouth. It makes Shouyou’s heart flutter. “Piña Colada. Good choice.”

“I told you!”

“You should probably stop drinking them though. You’re going to regret it in the morning.”

“Oh yeah, that’s the hangover bit.”

“Right.” He looks around the bar, searching for the other members of the Japanese National Team. “Did you get separated?”

“I dunno, I haven’t, like, been paying attention.” Shouyou breaks into tiny giggles that make Kageyama’s frown deepen. 

“And they let you go off on your own? Knowing perfectly well you’ve been having memory issues?”

“I have a secret,” Shouyou giggles, “they don’t know that. Only you.”

He sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose, and takes Shouyou’s hand. “Come on, dumbass. Let's sober you up.”

“Nooooo,” Shouyou whines like an angry toddler as he yanks his hand back from Kageyama's grip. “These are yummy, and I’m not supposed to drink them as a sixteen-year-old, so I’m being so naughty.”

“You’re being an idiot.”

Still laughing, Shouyou pushes up the corners of Tobio’s mouth. “You’re being a grumpy-yama.”

“Come with me? Please? I’ll buy you dinner.”

“Breakfast for dinner.”

A sigh. “Fine. Come on.” 

This time, Shouyou doesn't pull away when Kageyama takes his hand and leaves the bar with his former partner freely. They walk together, Shouyou stumbling and slurring like the drunkard he is, but Kageyama keeps him upward and steady and never once lets go of the redhead’s hand. After about fifteen minutes of walking, they stop at a nearby diner. Kageyama orders Shouyou pancakes and a glass of water.

“How are you?”

“Why’d you have to pull me away from the party like that? I was having fun! I thought you were gonna join me.”

“I’m not really much of a party guy.”

“Then why’d you come?”

Kageyama shakes his head and instead pushes a second glass of water over. “Dammit Hinata, you’re going to be so sick tomorrow. We have practice. I wish those guys weren’t such idiots about all of this stuff. I mean, Ushijima-san has the right idea, he should after Rio, and Bokuto honestly should too, but he’s kind of an idiot— oh, sorry, I shouldn’t say that about your teammate...”

Shouyou blinks. He’s only half paying attention. “Aren’t we supposed to have fun at these things? You’re acting like my mother.”

“I just... I want you to have a good time. Be ready. I know... I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this.” He ducks his head in embarrassment, face already flushing red. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay. I’m jus... happy you’re here.” 

Kageyama, smiling, gestures toward the pancakes. “How do they taste?”

“Amazing. Have some.” Shouyou thrusts a forkful of pancakes toward Kageyama, who cautiously opens his mouth. He starts laughing when the fork slips and smears a syrupy mess all over the other’s lips, which, in turn, makes Kageyama laugh too.

“Jeez, dude. You’re feeding me like I'm a toddler.”

“Nu-uh. Do you like them?”

Instead of replying right away, Kageyama shows he does in fact like them by tugging the plate over to steal a few more bites. Shouyou continues beaming.

“You do like them. I can see it in your eyes, silly-yama.”

“They are pretty good, I guess.” After he’s finished his bite, Kageyama pushes the plate back over and places his chin in his palm. “Spend the night at my place tonight. You’ll need your rest.”

Shouyou doesn’t fight. “Okay.”

It’s still dark outside when Shouyou drags himself off the sofa and to the bathroom to puke. He leans his head against the toilet bowl, feeling sick to his stomach and instantly regretting all he drank last night. Kageyama was right: he should not have drank that much.

At least he still remembers a few things here and there. He could have blacked out, which would have been bad all around.

“How you feeling?”

Shouyou groans. He can see shadows move behind his closed eyes. “You were right.”

“I usually am,” Kageyama chuckles as he sits down on the edge of the bathtub. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that...”

“Stupid?”

“Not what I was going to say. Loose, maybe. You were having fun.”

“I am not having fun right now.”

“Yeah, I could have guessed that.” He stands up with a heavy sigh and maneuvers around the groaning lump in the middle of the room. “I’m gonna grab you medicine. Sit tight.”

“You got it,” Shouyou grumbles into the toilet seat. He wouldn’t have gone anywhere anyway.

A minute later, Shouyou swallows some pills and chugs a glass of water before shifting to lean his head back over the edge of the tub. Kageyama sits next to him.

“Sorry you came for no reason.”

“I had fun. Going out to eat was much more my style anyway.” He smiles softly. “It wasn’t a waste of time.”

“Kageyama?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you doing this? Being so nice to me.” Shouyou sinks lower to the ground. “You said I was a jerk, and if I were you, I would have slammed the door in my face the first time I showed up.”

“If I remember correctly, you didn’t really care that I was a jerk back in high school.”

“Yeah, but, you weren’t really a jerk. You just tried to be scary and I could see right through you.”

“There’s your answer, then. You tried to be scary, and I saw right through you.”

Shouyou snorts. “Fine, then. But that doesn’t explain anything else.”

He shrugs. “You wanted to be friends again. Secretly, that’s all I ever wanted. You were the one that told me to leave you alone, so I did.”

“I was a real jerk, wasn’t I?”

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright. I’m sorry.”

“I think the crazy thing is that I’ve been where you were, and part of me almost... understood. But I’m happy that things are normal again. It feels like high school. And I like having you around. It’s a reminder to enjoy the life I have now.”

Life now. Not the life Shouyou missed eight years of, in which he apparently treated everyone around him like garbage. How could he do that? He still has no clue what could have compelled him to do so.

What other secrets about himself are still lurking around?

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I don’t even remember at this point. Stop worrying about it.” Kageyama brushes against Shouyou’s arm as he stands up and tugs on the waistband of his sweats. “Seriously. I forgave you a long time ago, so let’s just move on and focus on playing. Next week we’ll be heading to the Olympic Village and prepping for our first game together. That’s gonna be a lot of quick attacks if we want to win.”

“Of course! And I’ll hit every single one.”

Kageyama smiles; the corners of his eyes crinkle in the tungsten light as he steps back into the hallway. “Try and get some more sleep. It’s gonna be a long day. Are you okay getting back to the sofa?”

“I can manage.” To prove his point, Shouyou flushes the toilet and slowly climbs onto his feet, nearly tumbling over in the process. He flashes a smile and a thumbs up. “Night, Kageyama.”

“Good night, Hinata,” Kageyama tosses over his shoulder as he disappears into the darkness. Shouyou follows, turning off the bathroom light on his way into the hallway. There he stands, clinging tightly to the door frame. His body clearly has no intention of going back to sleep and he doesn’t want to even try to attempt to find his way to the sofa in the darkness, especially because he is still incredibly dizzy.

And so, like a toddler after a nightmare, Shouyou pads into Kageyama’s bedroom right as the other man climbs into bed. It seems his eyes have adjusted better than Shouyou’s, because he audibly sighs.

“Hinata?”

“Yeah?” 

“This is not the living room.”

“I know, but I was scared I was gonna trip, and your room was right here, so...” Shouyou opens and closes his mouth like a fish, feeling silly as he prepares to ask his next question. “Could I maybe, uh... stay here with you? Just until morning?”

Kageyama takes a moment to contemplate his answer before peeling back his covers. “Come on, dumbass.”

Shouyou carefully navigates across the bedroom floor, only tripping over the edge of a nearby rug before making it to the bed. He climbs in and Kageyama’s socked foot almost immediately brushes against his calf, making him shiver. Maybe he should have stayed in the bathroom until morning.

“Don’t breathe on me. You smell like vomit.”

“Sorry. Should have brushed my teeth.”

“And don’t throw up on me.”

“I would never,” he replies, uncertain. He can hear Kageyama breathing. When was the last time they were this close together? Even back in high school, the two of them had never shared a bed. They slept next to each other at the one camp they went to, and probably would have put their futons next to each other again in July, but nothing like this.

Why did Shouyou ask to be here?

And why did Kageyama say yes?

“You asleep?” Kageyama spooks him. Shouyou pretends to be sleeping, even though flinching in response to someone talking clearly proves he isn’t. The setter doesn’t press further.

“I am really happy you’re here,” he mumbles before turning over to face the wall. Shouyou, still not moving, smiles into his pillow.

It smells like Kageyama.

Chapter Text

If Shouyou thought the Tokyo Training Center was cool, the Olympic Village is a thousand times more exciting. Shops and food trucks line the streets and the athletes are given bags full of swag to represent their home countries. Shouyou has to continuously remind himself to close his mouth as he ogles at the size of the training facilities, bars, cafeterias, and hoards of people. Their rooms are small, with beds the size of cots paired with one other athlete, and it pains Shouyou when he finds out his roommate isn’t Kageyama, but Miya Atsumu instead.

“This is great, Shoukun!” Atsumu exclaims as he tosses his bag onto his cardboard bed. “We can work on our quick attack strategies off and on the court, and this means more late-night gym seshes.”

“I only do the quick attack with Kageyama.”

“You’re joking, right?” Atsumu chuckles. “We’ve done that quick attack a hundred times. I’m like, a way better setter than Tobio-kun.”

Shouyou doesn’t respond. He sits quietly on his bed, cross-legged, as Atsumu starts digging through his swag bag. “This will be good anyway. You’ve been acting weird lately, and I need to keep an eye on you. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine.”

“Ever since you came back from Tokyo, you’ve been different.”

“We’re in Tokyo right now.”

“You know what I mean! Did you forget about yer teammates?” Grinning, Atsumu steps forward, his wide hands reaching for Shouyou’s shoulders. “You’ve been avoiding us, but especially me. And now with this Kageyama thing? I thought you hated him.”

Shouyou stirs uncomfortably. He barely knows this guy, and while he knows he’s supposed to be pretending he does know Atsumu well, it’s growing difficult. “We’re playing nice! If we have to work together—”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do with him, you know.” Atsumu closes his eyes, trying to swoop down for a kiss, but Shouyou can’t bring himself to even pretend to be okay with that. He’s never kissed anyone before, and in his haste to get away, Shouyou loses his balance and topples to the floor. 

“Woah! What are you doing?”

“Trying to kiss you?”

“What is your problem with Kageyama?” Shouyou scowls as he stands up, still trying to distance himself from his teammate. “What did he do to you?”

“He pissed you off. And also, he’s a brat. I knew that long before we met. He’s the King of the Court, you know. Word travels.”

“He’s not like that anymore! He’s nice, and thoughtful, and, and, actually kind of funny.”

Atsumu knits his eyebrows together. “Are you crushing on him?”

“No! Of course not! That’s silly!”

“Shou.” Those firm hands grab Shouyou’s shoulders to hold him steady. “I know you made a difficult choice to leave your life behind and move to Osaka. I get it. But you know what he did to ya, and you trusted me with that information. I don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

“I know what I’m doing.” He awkwardly shrugs out of Atsumu’s grasp, wanting nothing more but to slip away and never come back. Are he and Atsumu in a relationship? Or is this one of those situational ships where they sleep together and nothing more?

“Just... alright. I don’t wanna piss you off. We have a lot coming up.” He smiles softly, still trying to steal a kiss. Shouyou continues to duck out of his grasp until he gets to the door.

“You’re not! I just want to focus on the Olympics. It’s our first time, and it’s a big deal! I don’t want to lose that focus.”

“But the Olympics are the best time for us to fu—”

“BATHROOM!” Shouyou screams as he slams the door shut and rushes across the hall to the communal restroom. He locks himself in a stall and forces himself to breathe. Jeez. Definitely can’t go back there. Absolutely not.

He stays there for a few more minutes, just to make sure Atsumu doesn’t follow him inside, before sneaking out and down the hall to Kageyama’s bedroom. He pounds at the door wildly and quickly, silently begging his best friend to open the door right freaking now.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! God!” Kageyama yanks the door open with such force that a breeze blows into Shouyou’s face. “Oh. It’s you. What?”

“Are you done unpacking? Can we go for a walk?”

“Is everything okay?” 

Shouyou’s eyes glance over at the door down the hall. “I just need to get out of here. Like right now.”

“Sure. Alright. Let’s go.” He shuts the door behind him, one arm cautiously guiding Shouyou down the hallway and out the door. Shouyou’s thumping heart doesn’t slow down until after the elevator doors close.

“Atsumu tried to kiss me.”

“What?” Kageyama looks Shouyou up and down in a panic. “I’ll kick his ass. Are you okay?”

“Don’t do anything. I think... I think there might have been something between us. Something I don’t remember.” Shouyou sighs. “But I don’t want to deal with it. I just... wanted to be with you.”

Kageyama doesn’t relax, but he nods his head in acknowledgment. “Did you tell him to stop?”

“No.”

“Dude.”

“I know, I just panicked, okay? I panicked, and I ran out. Can we just focus on other things right now? Please?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

They walk for what feels like miles, browsing around shops and looking at merchandise. Kageyama buys them churros at a Brazilian food truck, which makes Shouyou blush, and they sneak a peek inside the Olympic Stadium where their first volleyball match against Venezuela will be held. It still feels like this is all a dream, especially because being this close to Kageyama isn’t really even something he did all that much when he was sixteen. They had known each other, what, five, maybe six months?

And as much as he cared about Kageyama as his friend, he never appreciated the setter like this. Shouyou understood now just how much he cared about this person, and how much he wanted Kageyama to stay in his life.

Soon, they leave the Olympic Village and head deeper into Tokyo. After deciding to grab something to eat, they stumble upon a playground with a swing set. Shouyou ignores his phone buzzing in his pocket, knowing it’s most likely just Atsumu bombarding him with texts about running away.

“I bet I can jump off the swing higher than you can.”

Kageyama tuts. “You’re on.”

The two race each other to the swing set, Kageyama tugging on Shouyou’d shirt to try and pull him back, but it doesn’t stop the eager redhead at all. He pushes his feet up, trying to get momentum, as Kageyama lags behind. Push, pull, push, pull, sway... jump!

Shouyou flies, launching himself across the mulch. He lands on his feet, but Kageyama slams into him seconds later, knocking both of them to the ground. 

Kageyama is on top of him, nearly crushing Shouyou’s ribcage. They are very close to each other; closer than they've ever been before.

“I guess you win,” Tobio chuckles, a soft blush on his face. Shouyou tilts his head up, his hands cradled against the other man’s chest, and their lips meet. 

This, he realizes in all his haze, is his first kiss. He never spent all that much time thinking about what it’d be like to kiss someone, but kissing Kageyama now is nice. It feels good. It’s something he’d like to do a lot more often, actually.

To be this close with someone, this vulnerable with someone— is this how he’d feel if he were to kiss Kageyama at sixteen?

Tobio rolls over with a soft thud, and together they look up at the bright blue sky. He sighs. “I like you a lot, Hinata. Having you come back into my life... it feels like some cruel joke.”

“I’m not joking with you—”

“I don’t mean you, dumbass. I mean... us. The world. The fact that in a month’s time, I’m going to Italy. There was so much time for us to...” He trails off, but Shouyou knows what he means.

“It was my fault.”

“No. No, don’t say that.” Kageyama looks at him. “It’s just... it’s what happened. Can we focus on the game and enjoy what time we have left?”

“Yeah,” Shouyou nods his head even though he doesn’t want to move on from this. He wants to kiss Kageyama again, and again, and again.

But he’s also supposed to be an adult, and being an adult means dealing with the consequences of your actions.

They win their first match against Venezuela, which means their next match will be against Canada the following day. Shouyou takes a long shower in the locker room, rolling his shoulders back to relieve some of the tension. While playing volleyball in front of everyone felt absolutely incredible, all he could think about was stupid Kageyama.

He never realized that these feelings he had about his best friend were romantic. He admired Kageyama, respected him, and in some weird way, kind of wanted to be him. How was he supposed to know that translated into loving someone?

The worst part is realizing all of this now, right when Kageyama is about to move halfway across the world. What are the chances of them actually keeping in touch?

Shouyou wants to go back. He doesn’t want to deal with any of this.

“Alright, everyone line up. Taller players in the back, and find a window so we can see everyone’s faces.”

They are taking a photo for a magazine cover today. Shouyou stands in front of Kageyama, who is secretly holding his hand in between where their back and chest are pressed against each other. Kageyama keeps rubbing his thumb against the back of Shouyou’s hand.

It’s awkward. They haven’t spoken about the kiss since it happened, and Shouyou doesn’t have any experience of what the hell he’s supposed to do next.

Atsumu has given him space, which he’s thankful for, but he expects a conversation to be due any time now. He owes that to his teammate at least.

After their photoshoot, Shouyou races after Kageyama in an attempt to ask him to practice for their upcoming game. Beating Canada means making it to the finals, and they’ll be playing against Argentina, which Shouyou has been informed is the “Great King’s” team. It will be interesting to see what Oikawa Tooru looks like all grown up.

Unfortunately for him, Kageyama disappears, and Shouyou is left to awkwardly wander to his bedroom to change. He shoots the setter a text, asking if he’d be down for dinner instead. That would give them the chance to talk about how... uncomfortable things have been.

“Hey, Shoukun.” The door shuts behind Atsumu, who smiles sympathetically as he sits down on his bed. “Everything alright?”

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened on our first day—”

“You don't need to do that,” Atsumu interrupts by raising his hands. “I realize I was bein’ pushy. I know you’ve been... goin’ through some things. I don’t want to pry, but you know I’m here for you if you need me. I do care about you. We care about you. And if ya don’t want to date, that’s fine too. Just... focus on yerself right now, okay?”

“Were we... together?”

“Ehhh... it’s kinda up in the air. A situationship.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “But we can focus on that later. You said you might be transferring to Brazil, and I didn’t want to start something that might make things more difficult down the line.”

Shouyou blinks. “Transferring to Brazil?”

“Didn’t you apply to the transfer pool? You mentioned trying to get to São Paulo, so I thought—”

“Oh right,” Shouyou quickly interrupts. “You’re so right. Brazil. Right.”

“You played great today.”

“Thanks. And I’m sorry again, for being so weird. I’ll be better. You’re right— a lot is going on.”

“We have yer back. I mean that.” Atsumu gently touches Shouyou’s arm when the redhead reaches for the door. “Of course, I’d like us to continue... what we were doing, but I don’t wanna guilt ya into that.”

“I just want to get through the Olympics,” is Shouyou’s reply, which is honestly not great, but it’s all he has right now. “After that... we can talk about things.”

“Sure,” he agrees sadly. “I really did want to fuck though.”

“Language! You can— I don’t know! Go find someone else to have sex with!”

“Shou? Shou, come on.” Atsumu calls out from behind as Shouyou marches down the hallway to avoid continuing the conversation. Unbeknownst to him, Kageyama comes walking up the opposite hallway looking for Shouyou himself. He stops outside the open door where Atsumu is still sighing.

“Is Hinata here?”

The bleached blond scoffs. “He just left.”

“I’ll just... text him then.”

“He’s not into you, just so you know.” Atsumu glares daggers into Kageyama. “So whatever you have planned, I wouldn’t go through with it.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“What I’m talking about,” Atsumu pauses to size Kageyama up, despite being a few centimeters shorter, “is that Hinata doesn’t like you. He’s being nice by reconciling with you, but don’t think we don’t know what you said, because we do. Yer an asshole, Kageyama, and I won’t let him get hurt.”

Kageyama doesn’t say anything. In fact, he steps back, shoving his hands into his pockets. It makes Atsumu scoff again.

“He’s requested a transfer, just so you know. Shoukun is perfectly capable of making it on his own in this world. He doesn’t need you.”

“I never said—”

“And he and I have been datin’ for the last six months.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“I ain’t lyin’.” One bitter smirk later, Atsumu slams the door, leaving Kageyama with his jaw clenched outside.

Instead of texting Shouyou that night, he simply goes to his room and locks the door with a pain in his heart.

They win their game against Canada, but Shouyou misses several of Kageyama’s tosses and he can tell something is wrong, something he so desperately wants to fix. It doesn’t seem like it’s worth fixing to Kageyama, though, who is avoiding him every chance he can get. In fact, Shouyou has to corner him in the locker room after the rest of their teammates have changed and left to watch other games. It’s a bit awkward, knowing the only thing between their naked bodies is a towel, but Shouyou pushes the thought away and puffs his chest out.

“Tobio, we need to talk.”

Kageyama’s back stiffens. He slams his locker shut and slowly turns around.

“It was a mistake,” he says, breaking Shouyou’s heart. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“It was not a mistake. We like each other! What is wrong with that?”

“Because I’m about to move to fucking Italy! And you’re transferring to fucking BRAZIL, Hinata! You didn’t think I wouldn’t fucking find out about that?”

“I didn’t even know!”

“Right, because you don’t remember the last fucking eight years of your life.” Kageyama throws his hands up in frustration. “I bet you didn’t realize you’ve been dating Miya this whole time too?”

“I— what? No, I— I told you he tried to kiss me—”

“Because he’s your fucking boyfriend, Shouyou. I really thought you changed. I went out of my comfort zone to reconnect with you, to remember our youth, but you’re still the biggest fucking asshole I’ve ever met.”

“Shut up! None of that is true! You’re my friend, and I’ve tried to be nice to you, to make up for what I did! I have feelings for you—”

“You let me fucking kiss you, believing you changed, but you’ve done nothing but fucking lie to me. I’m sick of it. I’m fucking sick of it.” Kageyama shoves his finger in Shouyou’s face, which only angers both of them more. He slaps away Kageyama’s hand, who then grabs the redhead by the throat and slams him up against the lockers. Shouyou feels the knot of his towel loosen and the apple of his throat bobs rapidly. He looks at Kageyama with wide eyes as he tries to breathe through the pressure on his windpipe. He wraps both of his hands around Tobio’s.

“It’s you,” he croaks, “it’s always been you.”

Their mouths meet again in heated passion. Tobio’s hand loosens but doesn’t pull away, wanting to keep Shouyou in place as he slots his knee in between the smaller man’s legs and slips his tongue inside Shouyou’s mouth. Shouyou’s towel finally gives way, falling to the floor, but both of them ignore it in lieu of their kiss. Despite the anger and fire rolling through Kageyama’s body, he still wants this, and Shouyou can tell. It’s nearly impossible to pull away.

Nearly.

Because, when Kageyama does pull away and wipe the spit from his mouth, he doesn’t look any happier. He has that look of fury on his face that he always carried around with him in middle school and the days they were banned from joining the Karasuno Volleyball Club until they could make up and play as teammates.

No one says a word. Shouyou reaches for his towel to make himself presentable, but when he looks back up, Tobio is gone.

Tears pool in the corner of his eyes. This isn’t the life he wanted. None of this is what he wanted. Playing volleyball professionally means absolutely nothing if he loses all his closest friends and family. It means nothing if he loses his best friend and the man he had fallen in love with. He’d give it all back in a heartbeat.

“I don’t want this,” he says to an empty room, head tilted toward the ceiling. “Let me be sixteen again, please. I don’t want this.”

Nothing happens. Shouyou quickly wipes away his tears, takes a deep breath, and goes about his day.

Chapter Text

It all started with that stupid essay.

What do you want out of life?

Shouyou thought the answer to that question was clearly volleyball, but now he knows the truth. He wants relationships. Friendships.

He wants Kageyama Tobio to be in his life.

And for that to happen, he needs to exchange his greed and selfishness for respect and gratitude instead.

They lose their game against Argentina by an embarrassing amount. Tobio refuses to even look at Shouyou, which drives a dagger deeper into his heart. Although they can stay for the duration of the Olympics, Shouyou can’t deal with it anymore. He packs his bags and books the first train he can find back to Miyagi. Hundreds of messages from worried teammates blow up his phone and he ends up shutting it off completely.

Shouyou is disgusted with himself. How could he have become such a terrible person? Someone who used his fame and money to push away his true friends and invest in some stupid publicity stunt for a relationship instead?

It doesn’t sound like anything he’d do, and yet... yet, that’s exactly what happened. There is no going back from that because the damage is done. Resentment will continue to grow.

His mother breaks down into tears when she opens the door to find her son on her doorstep. Apparently, she hadn’t seen him in years, not even for the holidays. Natsu is a teenager— one who isn’t so forgiving about her brother disappearing and having no contact with his family for the last three years. She says she’s going to stay with a friend and slams the front door. His mother is nicer, which he is thankful for. They sip green tea and talk about the Olympics for as long as Shouyou can handle.

His childhood bedroom is untouched. It’s familiar, comfortable, and makes him burst into another round of heavy tears. Shouyou allows the fat drops to fall because he hates who he’s become and all he wants is to go back to the way things were.

“I want to enjoy my life,” he hiccups through his sobs. “I want to be sentimental like stupid Kageyama and m-make jokes with Tsukishima and go to the mall with Yachi. I want to experience high school and the volleyball championships. I want to do it all. I’ll never complain again, I swear on my grave.”

Nothing. The universe gave him what he wanted and fucked right off.

“Fuck you.” The word feels terrible on his tongue because he knows he’s not supposed to say it. “Fuck you! FUCK YOU!”

His voice grows louder and louder, screaming at an invisible entity that put him here in the first place. He pounds his fists against his wall, trashing his bedroom, and more tears fall when he crashes down onto his bed.

It can’t end like this.

It can’t.

The Olympics are over a week later. Shouyou gets a message from Yachi informing him that Kageyama is leaving for Italy early and everyone is gathering to send him off at the Tokyo International Airport. He replies saying he’ll be there and then packs up his bag and buys a train ticket straight to the Shibuya station.

After saying his goodbyes to his mother, who begs him to stay in contact this time, Shouyou gets back on the train he sat on just a few days earlier. He has one last chance to make things right. 

As he approaches Kageyama’s apartment, Shouyou is surprisingly calm. He holds a Polaroid in his hand, stolen from his bedroom, that matches the one that Kageyama had displayed inside one of his many, many journals.

Shouyou expects Kageyama to slam the door, but he doesn’t. He only sighs and beckons his friend inside.

The apartment is empty, sans a few moving boxes and a large suitcase. Kageyama’s hair is windswept, pushed off his sweaty forehead from running around all morning in preparation for his upcoming flight.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Kageyama looks him up and down. He has his arms folded over his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you remember the essay we had to write for our literature class? The one that asked us what we wanted out of life. And I told you that I didn’t want to wait for all the good things to happen because I knew my future would be volleyball.”

Kageyama sighs, glancing down at the Polaroid in Shouyou’s hands. He seems to relax upon recognizing the photograph. “You’ve already brought up this stupid essay.”

“I was wrong.” Shouyou pushes his fingers into his eyes as he tries to prepare himself for this apology. “I don’t want to skip to the good part, because all of it is the good part. I want to walk to Ukai’s shop to buy meat buns and laugh when you get curry on the corner of your mouth because you never realize how much food gets all over your face when you eat. I want to stay late practicing our quick attack because you always stay to give me tosses without ever complaining. I want to win nationals with you, and hold hands behind the school, and kiss by the vending machines. I want our teammates to laugh at us when we’re being gooey and gross and I want to have sleepovers where we play video games and you get mad because you don’t know how to play Super Smash Bros to save your life.” Shouyou, pleading, steps forward to take Tobio’s hand. He allows it, hand hanging limply in front of him. “You are what I want out of life. I will never take you for granted.”

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama pulls out of Shouyou’s grasp. “Playing internationally is something I’ve dreamed of since I could talk. I have to take this chance. You get it, don’t you?”

“I found this in my room.” Shouyou flashes the picture from their third year. “I want this again, Tobio. There isn’t a single part of you that wants this again?”

“Of course I want it again, but it’s too late. Too much time has passed, too much resentment. It wouldn’t be the same.”

“I’m in love with you, Tobio,” Shouyou begs him to stay with only his eyes, blinking wildly and rapidly to keep his attention. “I have been for some time, but I never wanted to admit it, because you’re right: I am selfish. And I’m sorry for what happened in the past, but I promise you, that isn’t me. If you stay, we can keep doing this, we can keep being us.”

Kageyama sighs. “These last few months have been incredible, and I’ve loved every minute I’ve spent with you, Shou. But I can’t stay. I’ve waited years for you, and I can’t afford to wait anymore.” He smiles softly. “Besides, we once said volleyball would come first, right?”

“Yeah.” Shouyou lets his tears flow. “Then I’ll catch up to you. Even if it takes ten, twenty years.”

“I’ll look forward to it, then.” Kageyama steps forward until he’s close enough to press a kiss to the corner of Shouyou’s mouth. “See you later, Hinata.”

“Yeah. See you later.”

Kageyama gets on a jet plane to Italy that night. Shouyou rents out a room at a nearby hotel and tries not to cry.

It’s quiet when he wakes up the next morning. 

That’s not normal.

Shouyou stretches his fingers and toes before opening his eyes. The fan blades slowly rotate above his head in the darkness of a room far too cramped and small.

Which can only mean...

He sits up and looks around. There’s his duffle bag, and his Karasuno uniform, and... holy shit. Holy SHIT.

He’s back. He’s back!

Shouyou immediately darts out of bed and into the kitchen where his mother is rushing to make her children lunch before heading off to a long shift at the hospital. She laughs as her eldest slides into the counter, smacking his head against the edge. Shouyou rubs the bump out of his forehead with a smile, because nothing can ruin the fact that he’s back where he belongs.

“Morning, love. You’re up early.”

“Mom, what year is it?”

“2012. Shouyou, are you okay?”

“I’m great! The date, what day is it?”

“It’s...” She turns around, a horrified look on her face. “Oh my god. I forgot your birthday. Shouyou, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe—”

“It’s okay, Mom!” He laughs and shakes his head. “You wouldn’t believe the dream I had.”

“I’ll make dinner tonight. You pick. And I have something for you, gosh, I’ve been so busy with work and your sister, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, Mom. I love you.” Shouyou kisses his mother on the cheek and steals a piece of salmon off her cutting board. “I have to run to practice! Tell Natsu I said goodbye!”

“Shouyou— Shouyou, where are you going?”

“I have to go find Kageyama!”

He rides his bike faster than he’s ever biked before, speeding down the hill and around the corner to park in front of the gym. Kageyama is over by the vending machines, frowning at his choices. It’s that goofy frown, the one that makes him look like a creep from a horror movie. He peeks out from behind the vending machine when he sees Shouyou running toward him.

“KAGEYAMA!” Shouyou shouts as he hurls toward his friend with lightning-fast speed. Kageyama barely has time to lift his arms in fear before he’s tackled to the ground.

“Jesus! What are you doing?”

Their mouths are only millimeters apart. Shouyou smiles.

“Good morning.”

“...Hi?”

Shouyou closes the gap. It’s familiar kissing Kageyama in a way he can’t explain, and it’s all he wants to do. Hands close around Kageyama’s head, tugging on his hair, his jacket, the collar of his shirt.

And Kageyama kisses back.

Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe... maybe what happened over those few months was real.

“Woah,” whispers Kageyama after Shouyou has untangled himself from the other boy. “Where’d you learn to kiss like that?”

“I’m sorry I’ve been selfish. I care about you a lot and I’m never going to abandon you, okay? And when I go to Brazil, I’ll make sure to call you every day, and when you come to the Olympics in Rio I’ll visit you and—”

“Dumbass, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing! Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just, trust me when I say that you’re my best friend and I love you with all my heart.”

Kageyama blushes. “You love me?”

“I do! I promise I do! And I’ll never, ever, take another one of your tosses for granted. I’ll only stay late after practice if you want to, and I’ll help pay for meat buns! I’ll do anything it takes to prove how much I value you!”

“Hinata, come on.” Laughing, Kageyama pushes Shouyou off of him and looks directly into his eyes. “I know you value me. You don’t have to be a weirdo about it.”

“It’s important to me that you know that I like you. Like... that.” Shouyou nervously blushes and looks away for a moment, the collar of his school uniform suddenly tight. “That’s what I want out of life. You.”

Kageyama Tobio’s face has never been this red in his entire life. He nods, his sixteen-year-old brain panicking as he processes this information.

“Okay,” he says gently. “I want that too. Under one condition.”

“Sure!”

“You gotta teach me how to kiss like that.”

Shouyou bursts into laughter. He has a feeling things are going to go in his favor this time. “I promise.”

Eight years, seven days, and twenty-one seconds later, Karasuno’s freak duo stand in the Tokyo Olympic Stadium for their first match against Venezuela. The metal of their wedding bands is cool against their palms as they hold hands, watching on in wonder.

“I guess I caught up to you,” Shouyou whispers.

“And just short of ten years too.”

They share a smile. Tobio ruffles his husband's hair and kisses Shouyou’s forehead, which makes the redhead grin.

“You are the best part of my life. I hope you know that.”

The referee’s whistle goes off, echoing throughout the gym. Sneakers squeak against the floor and the room is flooded with the smell of air salonpas. Beside him, Tobio squeezes his hand.

“I know.”