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Chapter Text

The aftermath of John "Soap" MacTavish's death weighed heavily on the hearts and minds of those involved, but none more so than Vladimir Makarov, the man who held the gun that ended Soap's life. It had been three long and torturous months since that fateful day, and while the wounds were still fresh, life had seemingly moved on for most. Yet, Vladimir remained trapped in a relentless cycle of self-inflicted torment.

His once meticulous work had fallen behind, with paperwork piling up on his desk like a mountain of regrets. The organized chaos of his office now mirrored the turmoil that raged within him. The walls, once adorned with accolades and photographs, now seemed to close in on him, suffocating him with memories of the life he had taken. Each passing day, he would sit at his desk, staring blankly at the unfinished reports, lost in a sea of what-ifs and remorse.

Sleep and sustenance became distant acquaintances for Vladimir. The routine of eating and sleeping had become foreign concepts, replaced by the ceaseless churning of his mind. With every moment he closed his eyes, Soap's face haunted him, replaying the moment his finger had pulled the trigger over and over again. His body, once strong and resilient, now a mere shell of what it once was, as exhaustion etched lines of weariness on his face.

Andrei, with a heavy heart, led the team Vladimir's safehouse mansion in Russia. The once grand and opulent halls now seemed to echo with the weight of Vladimir's guilt and despair. The team moved cautiously, knowing that Vladimir's mental state was fragile and unpredictable. As they reached his study, they found him sitting at his desk, a haunted look in his eyes as he stared blankly at the wall.

"Andrei," Vladimir's voice was barely above a whisper, filled with a weariness that seemed to seep into the very air around them.

Andrei stepped forward, his gaze unwavering. "Vladimir, we can't let you drown in this darkness. You have to face what happened. You have to let go of the guilt."

Vladimir's eyes flickered with a mixture of pain and anger. "I killed the sergeant. I can never undo that. How can I face myself, let alone the team, after what I've done?"

Andrei knelt down beside Vladimir, his voice gentle but firm. "We are here for you, Vladimir. We will help you carry this burden. But you have to let us in. You have to let yourself heal."

Vladimir's shoulders shook with silent sobs as the weight of his guilt threatened to crush him. The team gathered around him, offering their support and understanding.

Vladimir's mind was clouded with thoughts of ending his own life, the pain of his actions becoming unbearable. The team could see the desperation in his eyes, the weight of his guilt threatening to consume him entirely. Andrei reached out, his voice filled with urgency and compassion.

"Vladimir, listen to me. You are not alone in this. We will fight this battle together, but you have to let us help you."

Vladimir's hands trembled as he clutched the gun on his desk, his eyes filled with a mixture of anguish and resignation. The team held their breath, knowing that one wrong move could shatter the fragile balance they were trying to maintain.

Andrei's voice softened, his words reaching out to the depths of Vladimir's soul. "You are not defined by your mistakes, Vladimir. You are more than the sum of your regrets. We need you, and we believe in you."

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as Vladimir wrestled with the turmoil within him. The weight of his guilt clashed with the flicker of hope kindled by Andrei's words. In that moment, the battle for Vladimir's soul raged on, and the outcome remained uncertain.

Vladimir's hands shook as he threw the gun on the desk, his eyes filled with a raw intensity as he struggled to articulate the turmoil within him. His voice quivered with emotion as he spoke, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air.

"I've killed many enemies in my life, but I've never felt the weight of their deaths like I do now. Soap's eyes haunt me, and his absence echoes in every corner of my being. How can I face myself when his memory consumes me?"

Andrei and the team listened, their hearts aching for the pain Vladimir carried. They knew that the road to healing would be long and arduous, but they were determined to stand by him through every step.

Andrei placed a hand on Vladimir's shoulder, his touch a silent reassurance. "Guilt is a heavy burden, but it doesn't have to define you. We will carry this weight together, Vladimir. You are not
alone in this."

Vladimir's gaze met Andrei's, a glimmer of hope flickering in the depths of his eyes. The journey ahead would be fraught with challenges, but in that moment, a seed of resilience and determination began to take root within Vladimir's shattered soul. The road to redemption lay ahead, and with the unwavering support of his team, Vladimir dared to believe that healing was within his reach.

As Vladimir sat in the midst of his turmoil, the team sprang into action, each member taking on a role to support their leader. One of the soldiers drew a bath, ensuring that it was the perfect temperature to soothe Vladimir's frayed nerves. Meanwhile, others busied themselves with household tasks, tending to cooking, cleaning, and attending to the mansion's needs, creating an atmosphere of care and support.

Andrei, however, took a different approach. With a quiet determination, he entered the bathroom, his expression a mix of compassion and unwavering resolve. Without a word, he stepped into the bath, the warm water enveloping them both. His actions spoke volumes, a silent declaration of his commitment to stand by Vladimir's side, even in the depths of his despair.

"I'm just helping," Andrei said softly, his words a gentle reassurance. "We don't want you to harm yourself."

As they sat in the tranquil embrace of the bath, the steam rising around them, Andrei's touch conveyed a depth of care that transcended mere duty. His unspoken love and concern for

Vladimir echoed in the tenderness of his actions, a steadfast presence offering solace and support to the man who bore the weight of unbearable guilt.

"But, Andrei, there's no need to get in... with me..." He chuckled awkwardly, unsure what to do.

Andrei, however, was having none of it. "Nonsense, Vladimir. I'm here for you. We all are." With those words, he gently took a sponge and began to wash the weary leader, cleansing away the layers of grime and sorrow that had accumulated over the weeks. The simple act of caring for another was a balm for both their souls, a reminder that they were not alone in the world.

As the minutes passed, the tension slowly began to leave Vladimir's body, his muscles relaxing as he surrendered to the gentle ministrations. The water's warmth seeped into his bones, and Andrei's touch soothed the ache in his heart. It was a small gesture, but it was a powerful reminder that he was not alone in his suffering.

"Thank you, Andrei. This means a lot to me," Vladimir said softly.

Andrei hummed in acknowledgment, a quiet smile playing on his lips. As they lingered in the silence, the connection between them deepened, a bond forged in the shared understanding of the complexities and challenges of leading.

Vladimir closed his eyes, letting the peace of the moment envelop him. In that moment, he knew that he would carry the scars of his mistakes for the rest of his life. But as he allowed himself to be cared for by those who loved him, the weight of his guilt seemed a little easier to bear.

"No problem, comrade," Andrei said softly, a gentle reminder that he would always be by his side.

After a while, Vladimir was begrudgingly dragged from the tub. He had started to fall asleep, loving the warmth of the bath, the warmth of being taken care of.

The warmth of Andrei.

"Come, Vladimir," Andrei cooed. "We must get you dressed and fed."

"Fine, fine," Vladimir agreed reluctantly.

Once dried and clothed, they were brought to the kitchen, where a hot, hearty meal awaited them. It smelled delicious, and Vladimir felt his mouth water. He had not realized how hungry he was until that moment.

"Eat, my friend," Andrei encouraged. "You need your strength."
Vladimir just poked at the pelmeni, though. His mind drifted to those people he saw constantly on his Twitter. Bones showing through skin stretched way too tight, not enough body fat to be comfortable.

"I'm not hungry," Vladimir stated flatly, his dark eyes glinting with defiance as he pushed the bowl away. The smell of freshly baked bread and hearty stew wafted from it, tempting and inviting. But Vladimir's appetite was gone, suffocated by the weight of his worries. Andrei, his closest friend and confidant, pleaded with him in a soft, concerned voice.

"Please, Vladimir," he implored. "You must eat. You're wasting away before our eyes."
But Vladimir shook his head stubbornly, a touch of finality in his tone that left no room for argument.

"You've been saying that for days," Andrei pressed on, his worry evident in the lines etched on his face. "We can't afford to lose you. You need to take care of yourself."

The gravity of Andrei's words sunk in, but still Vladimir resisted. His mind was consumed with thoughts of their dangerous mission ahead, leaving no room for nourishment or self-preservation. But as he looked into Andrei's pleading eyes, he knew he couldn't let his friend down. With a heavy sigh, he picked up the bowl and forced himself to eat, knowing that every bite could be their last chance for survival.

Andrei watched with a mix of relief and concern as Vladimir reluctantly took a bite of the pelmeni. He knew that the weight of their impending mission weighed heavily on his friend, but he also understood that nourishment was essential for their success.

As Vladimir chewed slowly, Andrei's mind raced with strategies to ease his comrade's burden. He had seen firsthand the toll guilt and worry had taken on Vladimir, and he couldn't bear to watch him deteriorate any further. Determination settled in his eyes as he formulated a plan.

As the days passed, Andrei and Vladimir's bond grew stronger. In the dead of night, Vladimir would often jolt awake from terrifying dreams and frantically search the base for Andrei. In response to this, they began sharing a bed - their bodies entwined as if seeking solace and protection from the terrors that haunted them both.

The warmth of their intertwined limbs brought a sense of comfort amidst the chaos of war around them. As they lay together, their breaths synced in perfect harmony, creating a peaceful rhythm that drowned out the sounds of gunfire and explosions outside. It was in these moments that Andrei and Vladimir found solace and strength in each other's presence.

Andrei and Vladimir's nocturnal routine became a sacred ritual, their shared bed a sanctuary amidst the desolation of war. It was in the quiet darkness that they shed their armor, both literal and metaphorical, allowing vulnerability to intertwine with desire.

Their bodies molded together like pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly against one another. Andrei could feel Vladimir's rapid heartbeat against his chest, as if trying to escape the horrors that plagued his dreams. He would wrap his arms tightly around Vladimir, pulling him closer, as if to shield him from the nightmares that threatened to consume his soul.

Vladimir would bury his face in the crook of Andrei's neck, seeking solace in the scent of sweat and gunpowder that clung to his skin. The firmness of Andrei's embrace anchored him to reality, grounding him amidst the chaos that ravaged their world. In those stolen moments of intimacy, they found a respite from the relentless storm outside.

"Andrei," Ivan came up to him one day. "Why don't you admit your feelings for our Commander? You've been practically courting him for days now."

Andrei's heart skipped a beat as Ivan's words hung in the air. He had never considered the possibility of his feelings for Vladimir being anything more than a desperate need for comfort and companionship during the war. But as he reflected on their intimate moments together, he couldn't deny the growing desire that stirred within him.

"Ivan, you don't understand," Andrei replied, his voice trembling with uncertainty. "Our connection is born out of fear and loneliness. It's a bond forged in the heat of war."

"Do you truly believe that, my friend?" Ivan raised an eyebrow, studying Andrei with a knowing gaze. "Or are you simply afraid to acknowledge what lies beneath those shared nights? Love can blossom in the direst of circumstances."

Andrei's mind raced, torn between his fear of rejection and the undeniable truth that lurked in the depths of his heart. What if their closeness was merely a coping mechanism? What if Vladimir didn't feel the same way?

But Ivan's gentle smile and understanding eyes encouraged Andrei to face his fears head-on. The next time Andrei found himself alone with Vladimir in their shared bed, he summoned the courage to speak his truth.

"Vladimir," he whispered, his voice filled with equal parts vulnerability and longing. "I cannot deny what we've developed over these past nights. The connection we share, it goes beyond the chaos of war. It's something I can no longer ignore or dismiss as mere companionship."

Vladimir turned to face Andrei, his eyes shining with a mixture of surprise and hope. "Andrei, I've felt it too," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "The way you hold me, the way you chase away my nightmares... it's more than friendship. It's love."

A rush of relief flooded over Andrei as he heard Vladimir's words. The weight of uncertainty lifted from his shoulders, replaced by a newfound sense of joy and possibility. Tentatively, their lips met in a gentle kiss, sealing their unspoken desires and affirming the truth they both had come to acknowledge.

Their bodies pressed closer together, their shared bed becoming a canvas for exploration and discovery. The touch that once brought solace now ignited a fire within them, kindling a passion that burned fiercely beneath the sheets.

As the darkness enveloped them, their bodies writhed and entwined, each movement an expression of their longing and need. Their hands roamed freely over heated skin, mapping every curve and contour as they explored the depths of desire.

Their lips crash together. They pant between their shared desire, only parting to catch their breaths momentarily and to strip off their shirts.

Andrei sits back against the headboard, slowly stroking his length. Vladimir pours lube on his hole and two fingers, practically presenting like a bitch in heat.

Vladimir lets out tiny whimpers as he bites the sheets, working two fingers in and out of himself. He scissors his fingers, stretching himself open for Andrei. Andrei watches, his eyes darkening with lust, his cock growing impossibly harder.

"Look at you," he rasps, "So desperate for my cock, aren't you?"
Vladimir can only moan, lost in a haze of pleasure.

"That's right, baby," Andrei says, his voice thick with desire. "I'm gonna fuck you so good, you won't be able to walk for days."

Andrei's words send shivers down Vladimir's spine, and he can't help but arch his back, pushing his ass even closer to Andrei.

"Please," he whispers, his voice wrecked.

“Ah-ah, love.. your hole is too small for my cock. We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself…”

Vladimir pours more lube on his taint, gasping as his fingers graze his prostate.
He adds another finger, scissoring three now. The stretch burns, but Vladimir revels in the feeling.

"I want your cock, please," Vladimir begs. "I can take it."

Andrei watches, his eyes darkening. He loves seeing Vladimir like this, so desperate and needy.

"Not yet, love," he murmurs, his voice low and gravelly. "Keep fingering yourself. I want to see you come on your own fingers."

Vladimir obeys, fucking himself with his fingers, his other hand stroking his cock.
Andrei slaps his hand away. “You can cum without a hand on your cock…”
Vladimir whines, his fingers working faster, hitting his prostate with every thrust.

"Please, Andrei, I need to cum," Vladimir begs, his voice trembling.

"Then do it," Andrei growls, his voice husky with desire.

With a strangled cry, Vladimir comes, his cock untouched, his hole clenching around his fingers.

Andrei can't hold back any longer. He grabs Vladimir's hips, lining up his cock with his hole.

He thrusts into Vladimir, his cock sliding easily into his slicked-up hole.

Vladimir throws his head back, his mouth open in a silent scream, as Andrei's cock stretches him open.

“Fuck— Daddy-!” He sobs softly.

“such a good slut..” Andrei coos. “Just. Take. It. Like a bitch in heat.” he punctuates each word with a grind against his prostate.

"Daddy, please," Vladimir begs, his cock already hard again.

"Please what, baby?" Andrei teases, his voice laced with lust.

"Fuck me," Vladimir pleads, his voice strained.

"Is that not what I’m doing? Is my cock not enough? Are you truly that insatiable?” Andrei taunts, his words punctuated by the slap of skin on skin.

"Please," Vladimir gasps, "I need more."

"More what?" Andrei asks, his voice taking on a darker, huskier tone.

"I need your cock, daddy. I need you to fill me up. I need you to use me," Vladimir begs, his voice hoarse.
Andrei groans, his cock throbbing inside of Vladimir's hole.

"You want me to use you, baby? You want me to fuck you like the slut you are?"

"Yes, daddy," Vladimir whimpers, his cock leaking pre-cum.

"Fuck, you're such a good boy," Andrei growls, his thrusts becoming rougher, more animalistic.

"Your hole is so tight, baby. So wet and hot."

"Yes, daddy. Use me. Fill me up," Vladimir pants, his body writhing in pleasure.

Andrei fucks him mercilessly, his cock pounding into Vladimir's hole.

“So good. Such a good boy.” He kisses his spine. “I don’t know why you fucking doubt yourself. You’re so good, daddy loves you… and yet you hate yourself..”
Vladimir whimpers, his cock achingly hard.

Andrei pulls out, flipping him on his back, spreading his legs wide.

"Look at you, so beautiful," Andrei whispers, his eyes roaming over Vladimir's flushed skin.

"Please, daddy, I need your cock," Vladimir begs, his hole clenching around nothing, desperate to be filled.

"Such a needy slut," Andrei says, his voice rough. “But you don’t get my cock, don’t get to cum, don’t get what you want until you get what you need

“and you need a good punishment. Why do you hurt yourself?”

He smacks his hole with his cock.

"Oh god," Vladimir moans, his hole clenching.

Andrei repeats the action, slapping Vladimir's hole with his cock.

“I want you to tell me something you love about yourself.”

Vladimir pauses, unsure.

"Tell me," Andrei says, his voice low and commanding.

"I- I love my eyes," Vladimir stutters, his cheeks flushing.

"Good boy," Andrei praises, his cock rubbing against Vladimir's hole.
"What else?"

"I- I love how strong I am?”

“very strong. Commander of a whole army..”

"Yes, daddy," Vladimir gasps, his hole aching to be filled.

"Now, tell me why you deserve to be punished," Andrei demands, his cock sliding against Vladimir's hole, teasing him.

"I- I don't know," Vladimir admits, his cock twitching.

"Wrong answer," Andrei growls, his voice harsh. "You're being punished because you don't respect yourself, Vladimir."

"Please, daddy," Vladimir begs, his hole clenching involuntarily.

"You don't respect yourself, and you don't think you deserve to be loved," Andrei says, his voice firm.

"I- I do," Vladimir protests weakly.

"No, you don't," Andrei insists, his cock pressing against Vladimir's hole, barely entering him.

"Please, daddy, I need your cock," Vladimir whines, his body aching for release.

"You'll get it, baby," Andrei reassures him. "But first, you need to understand that you deserve to be loved, that you deserve to be punished when you're naughty, that you deserve to be punished because you can't handle yourself. And most of all, you deserve my cock."

Vladimir nods, his body trembling with need.

"Tell me what you deserve, baby," Andrei demands, his voice rough.

"I- I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be punished when I'm naughty, I deserve to be punished because I can't handle myself," Vladimir recites, his voice shaking.

"And?"

"And I deserve your cock, daddy."

"That's right, baby," Andrei praises, his cock sliding into Vladimir's hole, filling him completely.

"You're so good for me," he whispers, his voice thick with desire.

Vladimir moans, his hole clenching around Andrei's cock.

"You're so beautiful like this, baby," Andrei says, his cock moving slowly in and out of Vladimir's hole.

"Such a good slut," he growls, his voice rough.

"Oh, fuck," Vladimir gasps, his cock leaking pre-cum.

"You like that, baby? You like it when I call you a slut?" Andrei asks, his voice laced with lust.

"Yes, daddy, please," Vladimir begs, his hips grinding against Andrei's cock.

"Such a needy little slut," Andrei chuckles darkly, his cock thrusting deep into Vladimir's hole.

"Oh, fuck," Vladimir cries, his body writhing in pleasure.

Andrei continues his assault, his cock pounding into Vladimir's hole, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

"I'm so close, daddy," Vladimir moans, his cock throbbing.

"You want to cum, baby?" Andrei asks, his voice ragged.

"Yes, daddy, please," Vladimir begs, his hole tightening around Andrei's cock.

"Tell me how much you want it, baby," Andrei demands, his thrusts becoming more erratic.

"Please, daddy, I want to cum so bad. I want your cock so bad. Please let me cum, daddy," Vladimir begs, his body quivering with need.

"Then do it, baby. Cum for me," Andrei commands, his voice a low growl.

"Oh, fuck," Vladimir cries, his cock spurting hot ropes of cum, his hole clenching around Andrei's cock, sending him over the edge. Tears stream from his eyes, sliding down his cheeks as his orgasm washes over him in waves.

Andrei's body shudders as he releases inside Vladimir's hole, filling him with his seed.

"Fuck, baby, you're so good for me," Andrei groans, his body collapsing onto Vladimir's.

"Thank you, daddy," Vladimir breathes, his body spent.

"You're such a good boy, baby," Andrei praises, his hand stroking Vladimir's hair.
They lie together, their bodies entwined, their hearts racing. As their breathing returns to normal, Andrei holds Vladimir close, his touch gentle and reassuring.

"You're so good for me, baby," he murmurs, his voice soft.

"I'm sorry, daddy," Vladimir whispers, his voice tinged with regret.

"It's okay, baby," Andrei reassures him. "I'll always be here for you. I'll always help you learn to love yourself."

A few minutes later, Andrei gets up to draw a bath and get something for Vladimir to eat.

“No-“ Vladimir clings onto him. “Don’t leave”

Andrei kisses him deeply.

"I'll never leave you, baby," he promises, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm just going to get some water and a snack for you. I'll be right back, I promise."

Vladimir nods, his grip on Andrei loosening.

"I'll be right back, baby," Andrei reassures him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He goes into the kitchen, finding a glass of water and a plate of fruit and cheese, and returns to the bedroom, setting them down on the nightstand.

Vladimir has sat up in the meantime, pulling the blankets up over his body. The bed looks like a tiny nest.

"You're so cute, baby." Andrei smiles, his eyes filled with adoration.

He crawls into the bed, pulling Vladimir into his arms.

"Are you ready for a bath, love?" he asks, his voice soft.

Vladimir nods, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Andrei leads him into the bathroom, drawing a bath. He helps him into the warm water, and then slides into the bath with him.

They lie there, their bodies pressed together, their breathing synchronized. Andrei gently washes him, his hands soft and loving.

Vladimir lets out a contented sigh, his body relaxing.

Andrei smiles, pressing a gentle kiss to Vladimir's temple.

"I love you, baby," he whispers, his voice tender.

Vladimir opens his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I love you too,” he admits for the first time.

As the warm water envelops them, their bodies pressed together, Andrei's love and devotion wash over Vladimir, soothing the ache in his soul and healing the wounds in his heart.

Chapter Text

Hey chat. So I didn’t realize that Makarov turned into a pretty red mist at the end, but also let’s just pretend that he pulled a Graves, yeah? Tag update gonna be: cannon divergence 

Chapter Text

A few days later, Vladimir is still struggling to eat.

"Love," Andrei kisses his temple, placing down some pancakes with jam, with a side of potato latkes. "You've barely been eating- or so the troops have informed me." 

Vladimir shrugs slightly, picking at his food. The harsh wood of the dining table chair digs into his back.

That's what it feels like, at least. Like he's too big for his skin. He really shouldn't eat all these carbs, it's probably unhealthy, and he should really lose some weight--

"Vladimir Makarov," Andrei demands. "Eat. I can see your ribs through your nightshirt, Ради бога." 

He sighs at his lover's worried pestering as he carefully picks up his fork, cutting a small bite of the pancakes. 

"How is it?" Andrei asks, watching Vladimir closely.

Vladimir chews slowly, his stomach turning at the thought of actually swallowing any of it. It tastes weird, like nothing he's ever had before, but he forces himself to swallow. It only makes a lump in his throat.

“It’s.. dry, ” he comments.

“It’s because you have no jam on that part.” Andrei chuckles. 

Vladimir manages a small smile. “What an astute observation.”

“I love your laugh.”

“And I love you .”  Andrei leans down to kiss him. “Now eat, Vladimir. Or I’ll shove the damn pancakes so far down your–” 

“Eating! Eating, Andrei,” he laughs and takes another bite. This time, it’s a bit more bearable.

They stand in the kitchen after breakfast, Vladimir resting his head on Andrei’s shoulder as he washes the dishes.

“You don’t have to do that, you know?” Makarov spoke. “We can have some, I don’t know, Private or… Sergeant,” he hesitated on that word. “Wash them.”

“I know, but I enjoy feeling like I’m taking care of you.” He leans his head back to kiss his lover’s cheek. 

“What a doting husband.” They smile. “Always taking care of me… knowing just what I need.”

“I try.” Andrei smirks. “It’s not my fault I just happen to be perfect at just about everything.”

Vladimir smacks his shoulder. “Don’t get cocky.”

“Oof, am I too wonderful, is that it?” He feigns hurt. “Do you think so poorly of yourself that I’m too good for you?”

Vladimir gets a bit quiet, sighing softly.

“..I’m sorry, love… Did I go too far?” Andrei turns off the sink. “Talk to me.”

“It.. I’m fine. Just a bit…” Weak. “Sensitive… To some topics.” 

Andrei turns around, leaning back against the sink. “Let’s just… relax a bit?”

“I have paperwork–”

“We can have some officers do some,” Andrei cuts in. “Try me.”

“Cleaning–”

“Disobedient soldiers.”

Vladimir’s eyes narrow. “Training.”

“You can train when you’re not halfway in the grave.”

“Well–” fuck. “What about… uh…”

“Nothing? Yeah, let’s go lie down.” And like that, Andrei scoops up his lover, who lets out a little shout of surprise, and brings him to his bedroom down the hall.

Vladimir bounces a bit as he lands on the bed with a small “oof!’

“Rest.” Andrei lies next to him. The bed hadn’t been made that morning, so it’s not a hassle to pull the blanket over themselves.

“It’s just 8 in the morning,” Vladimir insisted. “I just ate– speaking of, where’s your breakfast?”

“I’ll have someone bring me some.” He puts an arm over Vladimir’s chest and shoulder, keeping him in place. “ After you are asleep.”

“I want to make sure you eat?”

“Was that a question?” Andrei kisses up his jaw. “Or a demand?”

“...sleeping,” Vladimir mutters, closing his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you. Sleep well.”

At roughly noon, the bedsheets are cold where Makarov grips. He sits up quickly.

“Andrei?” He calls out, glancing around the room. “Love? Where- where are you?”

He starts to get up after a few beats, and that’s when his lover comes back in.

“Ah, thought you were sleeping, baby… Just had to grab us something.” Andrei holds up a small bag of items.

“Ordered these last week, when we first started noticing…” He trails off sadly.

“...Sorry,” Vladimir whispers closing his eyes. He smiles softly as he feels a gentle kiss being pressed to his cheek. 

"None of that now, darling. I've gotten you a gift." Andrei sits down next to him, bags on the foot of the bed. "Don't you want to see what it is?" 

Not particularly. Vladimir is content with just being, today. Being one with himself; being one with his lover,

"Sure," he says finally. "What is it?"

"Well, we're gonna have to open them to find out, yeah?" Andrei chuckles softly and brings up a decently sized one first.

It's an aloe vera starter garden kit. 

“Oh…” Vladimir reaches for it, his fingers trailing along the edge.

He looks up at Andrei.

Andrei smiles at him. “You like?”

“I...It’s very... nice. Thank you.”

“I wanted to get you something else,” Andrei continues, taking his hands and holding them tightly between his own. “But then they sent word about how you seemed unmotivated to take care of yourself, so I wanted to give you a reason to get up in the morning-- something that isn't work."

“Thank you,” Vladimir repeats. 

“Are you alright? You seem distracted,” Andrei says, his brow furrowing.

“Just tired.” He sighs. “And hungry. I think I may have lost too much weight this past week.”

“That’s okay, love,” Andrei murmurs, kissing his knuckles softly. “There’s always next week to catch you up, alright?” 

The next two are just as wonderful: a lovely necklace with a heart, engraved with their initials, and a book filled with recipes from home. 

 Vladimir smiles softly at each. The one from home he treasures the most.

When they finish looking at the gifts- plushies, soft clothes, protein snacks- Andrei pulls him on top of him and presses play on a movie that he had already set up.

Vladimir settles into his side, his head pillowed on Andrei’s shoulder. As soon as the movie begins, Vladimir’s breathing evens out, and he drifts off, sleep claiming him quickly. Andrei sighs in relief. Thank the gods he actually did get some sleep. He kisses his forehead.

The next day, the mood is lighter than it had been in a while. With the stress gone, there's nothing to keep him down. Andrei thinks it's great, he knows just how hard Vladimir has been pushing himself, and how it's been getting to him. But now that it's been taken off the table, the commander has opened up, more willing to let go and show himself as the real man he is.

"You have to try this, it's amazing." He picks up a birthday cakepop from the counter of a local bakery. "I haven't had it in years."

Vladimir sniffs it.

He bites into the treat and his eyes widen.

"Oh my god." He grabs it from Andrei. "It's... so fucking good."

"Right? I don't even know how it tastes but it's the best," Andrei laughs. "But we can order some for the next time we come here, if you want to try it again."

"I'll try anything."

Andrei raises an eyebrow, grinning. "Anything?"

He nods quickly.

"Well, we'll need to see what that mouth is made for," Andrei teases before leaning in close and whispering: "In fact, you'd probably look better on your back with my cock down your throat."

The commander chokes a bit on the cakepop, blushing wildly. "Nolan, we are in public."

"In broad daylight." Andrei kisses his cheek, wrapping his arms around him. 

"Besides, no one's paying us any attention."

Vladimir smacks Andrei's shoulder lightly, trying to keep up his tough façade. He fails.

"No one's paying us any attention," Andrei echoes, kissing his neck. "But I could care less if they did. I want to take you home right now."

He bites his lower neck, by his shoulder, sucking on it. "I want to lay you out in our bed and fuck you into the mattress until you're screaming my name."

Vladimir squirms and takes a breath, biting his lip. "No- we can't... there are children around?"

He points to a family walking by. They're a few feet away, and he's pretty sure they can't hear them.

"Then we can wait until we get home." Andrei kisses his cheek, quickly going back to a cool, unbothered demeanor as if nothing just happened.

He really wants to get laid but this isn't the best place.

Vladimir grabs him, leading him away from the bakery. "Home. Now."

Andrei lets himself be pulled along, smiling as the kids try to say hello to Vladimir. 

Once in the house, it's Andrei who's pushed to the door.

"Fuck," Vladimir grinds. "I need you."

Vladimir's hand moves from his waist, grabbing his chin and pressing a slow kiss to his lips. Andrei grins against his mouth and kisses back eagerly. It takes only seconds for Vladimir to start tugging at Andrei's sweater. He doesn't let go immediately, though, still standing there with his arms wrapped around his partner's torso as he kisses him, gently at first, then more fervently.

They stand there for a long moment, both gasping a little as they part for air.

"Bedroom or couch?" Andrei asks once they've managed to catch their breaths.

Vladimir leans up a little, grinning. "Hmm..." he muses. "Do you think you could carry me?"

Andrei chuckles and wraps his hands around him, picking up the taller man easily and carrying him into the bedroom. There aren't even any lights left on, because the sun sets early in Moscow, leaving the city bathed in moonlight. He lays him carefully down and climbs in after him.

"I love you," Andrei says, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. It quickly turns more heated as their lips connect. 

Andrei's tongue flicks across his teeth and Vladimir shivers slightly, arching into the touch. He pushes against him, rolling over on top of him to deepen the kiss. Andrei does the same and wraps his legs around Vladimir's hips.

"We shouldn't," Vladimir pants. "We should... stay here."

"Mhm. But we could use a distraction," Andrei suggests.

Vladimir smirks. "A good distraction?" He runs a finger along Andrei's jawline, making him blush.

"Yes," he murmurs, licking his bottom lip. "A good distraction. Like..."

Vladimir rolls his hips, bringing them closer together and grinding. The contact sends sparks through Andrei's whole body and he moans softly, reaching up to cup Vladimir's face. He brings their mouths together again, letting out another low moan as their tongues meet.

Andrei slides his hands underneath Vladimir's t-shirt, playing with the band of his underwear and causing him to gasp. Andrei smiles softly against his lips and pulls him closer, moving his hips slightly.

"God, Andrei--" Vladimir moans, moving onto his elbows, straddling Andrei.

"Shh," he hushes, sliding his hand under the commander's thigh. "Let me make you feel good."He strokes the bulge softly.

"Please," Vladimir begs softly, his voice laced with desire.

"Alright," Andrei whispers. He pulls his hand away, pulling Vladimir's underwear down, tossing it aside.

Vladimir's breath catches in his throat as he watches Andrei take hold of his shaft. His eyes flit down to where he can tell it is swollen, ready for attention.

"So beautiful," Andrei breathes, giving him another kiss.

His thumb rubs over his tip and Vladimir lets out another moan.

He takes him in his hand, pumping him lightly. "Goddamn, you taste delicious," Andrei mumbles, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back.

Vladimir moves his hips into the touch, his lover's grip tightening around him.

"God, that feels so good, baby." He starts to pump harder, moving his hand up and down faster.

"Fuck, please," Vladimir groans.

"What do you want?" Andrei growls, taking him fully inside him.

"Everything."

Andrei grunts as he pumps him in and out, thrusting erratically. "I can give it to you."

"Yeah? Prove it."

His fingers move fast over Vladimir's erection, teasing him. "Is this what you like?"

Vladimir nods. "Yes. God, yes."

Andrei continues to stroke him, driving him crazy, causing him to buck into his hand repeatedly, moaning and calling Andrei his name. 

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asks. "Because I will stop if you don't want it."

"No!" Vladimir protests, shaking his head vehemently. "Keep going. Fuck, please."

Smiling, he keeps rubbing and swirling his hand around, feeling Vladimir grow wetter beneath him. He slows his pace and 

Vladimir whimpers, his hands curling into fists.

"Fuck, please, don't--" 

Andrei gives it one last swipe before withdrawing completely and laying him back down.

"There, is that better?" Andrei questions, looking down at him.

Vladimir swallows hard, trying to regain his composure. "Better, yes. Just, please, continue. Please, don't stop."

Andrei chuckles and sits up. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t mind stopping either.”

He reaches down and starts kissing and sucking all over his chest, licking the nipple rings that are still exposed. Vladimir throws his head back against the pillow, letting him. He can barely breathe. He loves the sound of his moans and the way his head rolls on the pillow as his tongue swipes across each nipple. When he reaches his cock, he holds it tightly in his mouth, moving his tongue slowly over the tip. Vlad can’t help but reach down to touch him.

“Please,” he breathes, gripping his short hair. Andrei pulls back, kissing the tip; it twitches anxiously. 

Andrei looks up and meets his gaze. “Please what?” He leans down and runs his tongue over the tip again, earning a loud gasp from him. “Please, what?” He repeats, moving up to lick him. He sucks and sucks, and Vladimir writhes and arches into his touch, moaning louder than ever.

“Take me, daddy,” he pleads.

And Andrei does. He slips in deep and goes straight to work as he strokes him with his hand. The sounds and sensations flood through his body as he takes him in deeper. He’s never felt anything as good as when Andrei does this for him.

“More,” Vlad cries, gripping his hair tight and pulling him back down. “Please, I… I need more.”

Andrei kisses and sucks him deep and fast, not hesitating to increase the speed. Vladimir moans and buckles his knees, clenching his thighs tightly. He feels his orgasm approaching and begins to rock his hips into the touch, begging Andrei to keep touching him.

“Yes! Oh god, yes, yes!” He bucks his hips frantically and tries to find something that would bring him to the end. He finds Andrei’s tongue and latches onto it, sucking on it hard. Andrei pulls him off of him, holding him upright.

“Daddy- Daddy, please!” Vladimir shouts, pulling at his hair. The climax rips through him.

Vladimir sinks down into the sheets, and Andrei comes up and rests his head on Vladimirs chest as he pants and comes down from the high of his orgasm. Andrei runs a hand through his hair, smiling down at him.

"You're so beautiful, baby," Andrei murmurs.

"Don't," Vladimir breathes, shaking his head.

"What do you mean, 'don't'? It's true."

Vladimir sighs, burying his face in Andrei's neck.

"I'm not beautiful," he mumbles. Andrei frowns.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asks, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

"I'm ugly."

"Vladimir Makarov, that is bullshit and you know it," Andrei scolds. "You are the most handsome, sexiest, smartest, funniest, strongest, sweetest man I have ever met. You are the love of my life and I would never lie to you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Vladimir sniffles.

"Hey, hey, no," Andrei coos, holding him close. "Shhh, shh, it's okay, baby."

Vladimir buries his face in Andrei's neck, trying to hide the tears that are streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry," he sobs. "I'm sorry, I just can't- I can't stop crying, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking pathetic."

Andrei cradles his head against his chest, stroking his hair.

"Let's fix that, hm? Would you like daddy to take care of you, Vova?" He asks, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah," Vladimir mumbles, his voice muffled.

Andrei gets up and picks him up, bringing him to the bathroom.

"How does a bubble bath sound, darling?" Andrei asks, setting him down on the toilet.

"Mmm, yes, please," Vladimir says, wiping the tears from his face.

Andrei gets a towel and starts filling the tub.

Once the tub is full, he strips and gets in. Vladimir goes over, and Andrei pulls him into his lap, wrapping his arms around him.

"Why don't you tell daddy what's wrong, baby?"

Vladimir takes a shaky breath and snuggles against him, resting his head on his chest. "I don't know," he sighs. "It's just... sometimes I get these thoughts and I can't get rid of them, and it makes me feel like I'm going crazy."

Andrei squeezes his arm and kisses his forehead.

"It's okay, baby. Let daddy help." Andrei's hand moves down his chest, stopping at his stomach.

"Let me tell you something," he whispers, rubbing his stomach. "Your body is perfect, baby. Every single part of you is gorgeous, and you have no reason to be ashamed of it."

Vladimir snuggles against him.

"You're beautiful, Vladimir. I love you."

He blushes and rests his chin on his chest, gazing up at him.

"I love you too, daddy," he whispers, a smile tugging at his lips.

He kisses the top of his head.

"That's my good boy," he says softly.

He holds him close, his hands grabbing a cloth to clean them up.

"Can we get out, daddy?" Vladimir asks after he's cleaned.

"Of course, darling. You're doing so well." Andrei picks him up, standing, and carrying him out. He dries him off and carries him to the kitchen.

He sets him down on the counter. "You're so small, Vova... it worries me."

Silently, subtly, he beams at this. He likes being smaller, he likes it when 

"What are we having for dinner, daddy?" Vladimir asks, resting his head on 

Andrei's shoulder.

"I thought you might like some chicken beef croquetts, Vova," he says, kissing his cheek. "I had the cook make them for you while we were bathing."

"Really?" Vladimir asks, tilting his head.

"Yes, darling," Andrei smiles.

He kisses his nose, then turns and gets the food from the microwave.

"They're a bit hot, baby, be careful," Andrei warns.

He brings them over to Vladimir, setting the plate down in front of him. But he doesn't move his hands.

"Andrei.. could you feed me?" He's so timid as he says this. There's a tinge of fear in his blue and green eyes.

Andrei kisses his nose and lifts the fork, taking a piece. "Of course, darling. Open wide."

He feeds him a few bites, watching him eat.

"So good," Vladimir moans, closing his eyes.

"Yeah?" Andrei smiles.

"Mhm. More, please?"

Andrei laughs. "You're so cute."

He feeds him a few more bites, smiling as Vladimir chews slowly.

"How are you feeling now, Vladimir?"

"Full," Vladimir admits. "And sleepy."

"Let's get you to bed, then," Andrei says, picking him up and carrying him back to the bedroom.

He lays him down, covering him with a blanket and kissing his forehead.

"Thank you," Vladimir whispers.

"Anything for you, baby." Andrei smiles.

Vladimir blinks a few times, his eyes getting heavy.

"Sleep well, my love," Andrei says, leaning down to kiss him.

"I love you," Vladimir says sleepily, drifting off.

"I love you, too," Andrei whispers, watching him fall asleep.

Chapter Text

"It's getting better," Andrei says, looking at Vladimir with a hint of relief in his eyes. It has been a few months since the incident, and Vladimir has been slowly improving. He's eating decently, although he still has his bouts of self-destructive behavior.

"I think you should consider seeing a therapist," Andrei suggests, knowing this is probably not the reaction Vladimir wants to hear.

Vladimir is silent for a moment before finally speaking. "Do you really think I need one?" He asks, looking down at his hands, as if he were ashamed of needing help.

Andrei nods. "Yes, I do. It might help you to talk about what you are feeling and thinking, and hopefully it will help you to figure out ways to cope with your issues."

Vladimir sighs, and Andrei can see the sadness in his eyes. "Alright," he says quietly.

Vladimir keeps to himself after that. He tries to bury himself in paperwork, and he stops eating as much, occasionally purging when he eats anything. He is trying to run away from his problems, but he can't outrun them forever.

Andrei tries to be there for Vladimir, even though he knows it is hard for him to open up. He tries to tell him it is okay to feel the way he does, and he tries to encourage him to get the help he needs.

But Vladimir is reluctant. He is afraid of what the therapist might say, or what kinds of things he might have to talk about. He is scared of being judged, and he is scared of being rejected.

Andrei continues to try to help Vladimir, but he can see that he is getting worse. He is losing weight, and he is becoming increasingly reclusive. He is slowly slipping away from Andrei, and Andrei can do nothing to stop it.

So Andrei drives around the city until he spots Odessa-Mama, a well-known restaurant in Russia. He cautiously helps his lover out of the car and walks him into the restaurant. Vladimir has been trembling a lot lately, nearly passing out when he walks for too long.

The restaurant is bustling with people and the smell of delicious food wafts through the air. As Andrei and his friend find their seats, the waitress comes to take their orders.

"What would you like?" the waitress asks.

Andrei looks at his friend, who appears to be too weak to speak. He quickly orders for them both. "We'll have the borscht," he says.

"And for the main course?" the waitress asks.

Andrei thinks for a moment. He wants something that will help his friend regain some of his strength. "We'll have the beef stroganoff," he finally says.

The waitress jots down their orders and leaves to deliver them to the kitchen. A few minutes later, the waitress returns with the borscht. Andrei watches as his friend slowly sips the soup. He seems to be regaining some of his strength.

When the beef stroganoff arrives, Andrei encourages his friend to eat. His friend tentatively takes a bite and smiles.

"This is really good," he says.

Andrei smiles, relieved that his friend is eating. He watches as his friend eats, feeling grateful that he was able to get him out and bring him to the restaurant.

As they continue to enjoy their meal, Andrei decides to broach the topic of therapy once again. He knows that it's a sensitive subject for Vladimir, but he also understands the importance of getting professional help.

"You know, Vova," Andrei starts gently, "I've been thinking about what we talked about earlier. I really believe that seeing a therapist could be beneficial for you. They can provide guidance and support in ways that I may not be able to."

Vladimir looks up from his plate, his expression conflicted. "But what if they think I'm crazy? What if they judge me?"

Andrei reaches across the table and takes Vladimir's hand in his own, offering a reassuring squeeze. "Therapists are trained professionals who have dealt with all kinds of issues. Their goal is to help people like us navigate through our emotions and find healthier coping mechanisms."

Vladimir sighs deeply, his gaze dropping back down to his plate. "I'm just scared, Andrei. Scared of facing my demons and scared of what might come out during therapy."

Andrei reaches over with his other hand and lifts Vladimir’s chin gently so their eyes meet. “You don’t have to face those demons alone, Vova…”

“Vladimir?” Doctor Chavez looks up at the couple.

"Yes, that's me," Vladimir responds, his voice hesitant.

"I'm Doctor Chavez," she introduces herself with a warm smile. "And this is Andrei, I assume?"

Andrei nods, offering a polite smile. "Yes, that's correct."

"Nice to meet you both," Doctor Chavez says. "Please have a seat."

They settle into the comfortable chairs in her office, and Vladimir fidgets nervously with his hands while Andrei places a reassuring hand on his thigh.

"So, Vladimir," Doctor Chavez begins kindly. "Andrei mentioned that you've been struggling with some issues recently. Would you like to tell me more about what's been going on?"

Vladimir takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "I... I've been dealing with anxiety and... and an eating disorder."

Doctor Chavez nods understandingly. "It's brave of you to share that with me, Vladimir. It can be difficult to admit these things and seek help."

Vladimir looks down at his hands again, feeling a mix of relief and vulnerability in opening up about his struggles.

"And how are these issues affecting your daily life?" Doctor Chavez asks gently.

Vladimir hesitates for a moment before answering softly, “It’s been really tough,” Vladimir admits. “My anxiety makes it hard for me to go out in public or even be around people sometimes. And with my eating disorder, I’m constantly at war with myself over food. It’s like there’s this voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough unless I’m restricting or purging– unless I’m skinny, perfect.”

Doctor Chavez listens attentively, her compassionate gaze never leaving Vladimir's face. "I can understand how challenging that must be for you," she says empathetically. "But remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Together, we can work towards finding healthier ways to cope and manage your anxiety and eating disorder."

Vladimir nods slowly, feeling a glimmer of hope beginning to emerge within him.

"Andrei has been incredibly supportive," Vladimir adds, glancing at his partner with gratitude shining in his eyes.

Doctor Chavez smiles warmly at both of them. "Having a strong support system is crucial on the path to recovery," she affirms. "And Andrei, thank you for being here for Vladimir."

Andrei squeezes Vladimir's hand reassuringly and smiles back at Doctor Chavez. "Of course, Doctor. Supporting him is the most important thing to me."

It’s only about a week before he’s in the living room, bouncing his knee anxiously, that he’s back on twitter. If all these teens can be BMI 18, BMI 14, BMI low.... why can't he?

He scrolls through a thinspo thread. It reminds him of how many young people he’s helped by making sure everyone gets a chance to eat well and taking care of themselves. But despite all that, he finds that he simply isn’t ready. The comments on his latest post seem to confirm what he already feels. He is no longer hungry.

Vladimir is still having trouble talking to others, and Andrei spends time with him every day, trying to keep his spirits up by reminding him that he can go back to work and finish his book. He even convinces him to make dinner one evening. They eat together at the dining table, watching television and eating together. But Vladimir is starting to fade away, his mood changing quickly to the point where he’s now avoiding eye contact.

Andrei can sense the weight of Vladimir's struggles growing heavier each day. His heart aches as he watches his lover withdraw further into himself, lost in the darkness that grips his mind. Andrei knows he has to act, to find a way to break through the walls that Vladimir has built around him.

One evening, as they sit side by side on the couch, Andrei gently takes Vladimir's hand in his own.

"Vova," he says softly, "I love you more than words can express. But seeing you like this... it breaks my heart. We can't keep going on like this. We need to find help for you."

Vladimir meets Andrei's gaze, his eyes filled with fear and uncertainty. "But what if therapy doesn't work? What if I'm beyond help?"

Andrei's grip on Vladimir's hand tightens, his voice filled with determination. "We won't know until we try, Vova. You are not beyond help."

"Vova~" Andrei sings, shutting the door softly. He toes off his boots and- what is that smell?

"Vladmir? Darling?" He ventures through the home, trying to investigate the source of the smell.

It's coming from the bedroom.

He sets the food down on the hallway table, knocking a few times on the wood.

"Vova? Are you alright?" He calls. But, to no avail, there's a lack of response. "Vova, I'm coming in!"

The door creeks open, revealing...

"...No," he whispers. "No. No, no, no, no, no!" Andrei falls to his knees in front of his lover's shoes that float above the carpet, wailing.

No! This can't be right! Please! Andrei begs. But to whom? Surely there can't be any God if this has happened. Not any merciful one, at least.
He closes his eyes, praying silently for his beloved to wake up.

But he does not.

He continues to cry, pleading to anyone that may hear to wake up, to please let my beloved be okay.

Just as he thinks this prayer will never be answered, something suddenly grabs him. He opens his tearful eyes and looks up to see his beloved standing beside him.

"Why are you kneeling in front of my corpse?" Vladimir asks gently.

"What happened?!" Andrei shrieks. "I thought you promised to heal?!"

Vladimir lets out a soft chuckle and kneels in front of Andrei.

"I have lied. And I am very sorry to disappoint you," Vladimir assures his lover. "But I did everything in my power to heal and make you happy. I could not let myself leave without saying goodbye to you. I knew you were afraid but I did it anyway because I believed you would be happy when I was finally gone. I know now how wrong I was."

Andrei stands frozen as he processes this information. His body shudders with a combination of anger and sadness. ‘He tried to stay alive for me, to give me a reason to keep going on, and instead, I had to find his corpse.' He stares into Vladimir's eyes, searching for a sign of life there. 'He looks peaceful in death; as if he was sleeping and dreaming of happier times.'

Vladimir smiles down at his lover fondly. "Are you crying?"

Andrei wipes tears furiously from his cheeks, nodding.

"Oh darling," Vladimir coos, wrapping his arms around Andrei once again and holding him tightly. "There is nothing that you could ever do that would change my feelings about you. Do you understand? I may be gone, but our love is not. Do not blame yourself, my love."

Chapter Text

Chat, curse of the AO3 author is real 🫡 I was just at a mental hospital for 3 months. Updating this when I get the chance tho, trust.