Chapter Text
Somewhere deep in space, fresh off of a conquered planet, was an Armada. An armada feared by the majority of the universe.
This armada was the Irken Armada. The leaders of the Irken Armada were the Tallest. Red and Purple. Both of them had very long, very decorated lives. They went from star cadets, to elites in the army, to Invaders, and eventually they became the leaders of their entire race.
Their accomplishments were many. But even they could make mistakes.
Over time, Red and Purple had begun to think that the way they treated an enthusiastic Invader of theirs was one such mistake. Invader Zim was close to them long ago, but misstep after tragic misstep landed Zim at the position he was in today.
Far away from the Armada, and far away from the tallest.
Almighty Tallest Red was pacing back and forth on the bridge of the planet sized flagship The Massive.
“Red. Red? Red!” Purple said progressively louder and louder.
He threw an empty cup at Red’s head, which finally snapped him out of it. “What is it, Purple?” He grunted.
“Why are you pacing? You never pace!” Purple said.
His fellow tallest crossed his arms and looked away. “It’s…It’s been too long since Zim has reported, even for nothing at all!” Red said. “I know this is what we wanted but…I don’t fucking know.” Red groaned, rubbing his forehead.
Purple sighed and sent out any non essential crew members from the bridge, using the excuse of having run out of snacks.
He walked up to Red and put an arm around him.
“I’m worried too. I know we shouldn’t be…but…It’s hard not to miss him after so long.” Purple admitted.
“I wish things went differently, and I wish we handled things better.” Red sighed, rubbing his head.
The pilots shared looks with each other as Red and Purple lamented to one another.
“So this is why we’ve been heading in the Milky Way's general direction for a while now.” One said.
“I'm just glad Zim hasn't tried to remote control The Massive again.” His neighbor replied.
Another one began to giggle. “That was so hilarious in retrospect.” He admitted. "Would be less funny if anybody died."
Red and Purple weren’t paying attention to the pilots’ conversation, they were both trying to convince the other that Zim was okay and was most likely in the middle of some crazy scheme.
“I’m sure he’ll contact us with one of his plots soon.” Purple said.
Red sighed as the non essential personnel returned with vortdogs for the both of them. “Yeah...Yeah I’m sure you’re right.”
“For now though, let’s just keep heading in that direction. Conquering anything in our way.”
Zim had abandoned School for the day. He hadn’t been feeling anything for a long time. Even Dib couldn’t find any schemes of his. He just seemed…down.
Dib confronted Zim with a water cannon as the disguised alien was walking home.
“I got you now Zim!” Dib said with a triumphant grin.
Zim’s Pak legs stretched out and disassembled the boy’s watery weapon, then picked him up by the head and moved him to the side.
“Do not threaten me with your filthy polluted water, Dib.” He said in a monotone voice.
He walked off towards his base, ignoring everything and everyone. As he entered his base, Gir presented him with his favorite Irken snack.
“Thanks, Gir, but you can have it. And you should probably take the Voot Runner.”
“Does this mean…” Gir trailed off sadly, his arms drooping.
Zim sighed as he walked to the nearest entrance to his underground facilities. “Yes. I’m going through with it.”
“Master, Please Don’t!” Gir said sadly.
Zim remained silent and went down the elevator. Gir fell to his knees and began crying.
He banged on the hatch, which refused to open for him.
Down below, Zim sat on his chair, his hands steepled as he looked at the data before him. Everything was ready.
In very little time after he started the procedure, there would be no more life on Earth. It’d be empty, ready for the Irken Empire to do whatever they pleased to it.
But Zim knew that didn’t matter. He was no fool. He knew his Tallests…his gods…had no intention of ever coming to Earth. Regardless, he hailed the massive, resigned to this fate.
Zim sat there, and let the transmission establish.
On the Massive, Red and Purple were informed of the incoming Transmission.
“My Tallests! Incoming Transmission from Planet Earth!” The Comms officer stated.
They started choking on their snacks, trying to tell them to answer. The Comms Officer was smart enough to understand them through their garbled choking, and gave the order for them to establish connection.
Zim appeared on the feed before the Tallests, looking a lot more sullen than usual.
Before the tallest could remove the snacks from their throats, He began reciting a clearly rehearsed speech.
“My Tallests. It is I, Zim. It has been a long time since I’ve reported in, and I apologize for that. I’ve been a faithful, loyal Irken since I was a smeet. But despite this, I’m aware of my mistakes, and I’m aware of the Empire’s feelings about me.” Zim said.
“I am many things, but one thing Zim is not, is a fool. I know the Armada is never coming to the planet I’ve been ‘assigned’. I know I will never see the Irken Empire again in my pathetic life. I’ve failed too many times. But the conquest of this planet, albeit unwanted, will not fail. I am going to exterminate all living beings on the planet. Including myself. The planet will be empty, and ready to be turned into a parking planet, or whatever you may desire should you eventually stumble upon this worthless rock.” Zim said.
He sat up and cleared his throat. “Thank you for listening to me without laughing, and thank you for humoring me. Long Live the Irken Empire, and the Almighty Tallests. This is Invader Zim, signing off for the very last time.”
Zim disconnected the transmission before they could respond. He unlatched his Pak and hugged it as he sat there.
“A…Activate Self Destruction.”
“Are you Sure?”
“Yes…do it.” Zim said, laying his head on his Pak.
“Total Destruction In T-Minus 30 Minutes.”
Back on the Massive, the Tallests were freaking out
“ZIM! HAIL HIM IMMEDIATELY!” Red shouted, slamming his fist on the console.
The Comms officer tried to Hail Zim, but the signal was no longer there.
“Sir…Zim…His Pak…It’s offline!”
Red growled, slamming a red button, “Preparing ship for Dark Matter Drive jump. Please state destination.”
Alarms rang out all over the massive, two seats rising for the Tallest to strap into.
“Planet Earth!” Purple told the computer, sitting down.
“Sir The Massive has never used its Dark Matter Drive to jump before! It might not be able to take it!” One of the officers screeched.
“I built this damn ship, I know what it can handle!” Red took his seat, strapping in, “Now strap in and shut up!”
The communication officer was hailing the rest of the armada, “The Massive is going to jump, I repeat, The Massive is going to jump! Prepare all ships to follow!”
Purple strapped in and looked ahead. “Red…We did this.” Purple said.
“And we're paying for it.” Red agreed as he clenched his gauntlet tight.
The Entire Irken Armada glowed, before disappearing from Space.
“SELF DESTRUCT IN, FIVE, MINUTES. CANCELATION STILL POSSIBLE.”
“Gir…leave…you don't have to die with me.” Zim said.
Gir had forced himself through the hatch and came barreling to Zim. He wrapped himself around him, shaking his head and sobbing uncontrollably.
“...You’re a good Robot GIR. I’m sorry.” Zim said, holding him and closing his eyes.
The planet suddenly shook as The Massive tore its way out of dark space, its hull smoking and darkened.
“ONE MINUTE TO SELF DESTRUCT. SERIOUSLY, PLEASE ABORT! THIS IS SUICIDE FOR ME TO!”
A hole opened in the Massive's hull, a drilling pod locking onto Zim's base and firing. It began drilling right into the base just as the rest of the armada appeared one by one, completely surrounding the planet.
It dug into the control center, its drill nearly snapping against the reinforced metal.
The drill pod slammed into the ground. Red was the first one out.
“Computer! Cancel self destruction, pass code: Tallest!”
The Base’s computer stopped counting down, and the Pak reattached itself to Zim, who was already unconscious.
“Sir Unit! Is he breathing!?” Red said as Purple stumbled out of the drill pod.
“Only barely! Lord Dad's heart is slowing! Slowing slowing slowing SLOWING!!” Gir screamed, slamming his head into the chair repeatedly.
Red ran up to Zim and performed a diagnostics check on him with his imperial Pak.
His Pak lit up with countless errors, nearly overloading the program.
“By the great tall ones! His Pak is barely functional at all! He did all this without it?”
Purple was nearly in tears as he looked at the substandard technology that Zim had managed to improve.
They set him up for failure. They were terrible. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists. “I need to punch something.”
“Then go find a human or something! I need to fix as many of these glitches as possible!”
Purple glared at the ground but refused to leave. He wasn’t going to abandon Zim again.
“Nnn…typing is too slow!” Red tossed Away the device, pulling a cord out of his Pak, “I need to uplink directly!”
“Red…The last time someone hooked up with his Pak, their brain turned into mush.” Purple warned. “If you’re going to Link, then Link me too!”
“Then get over here!” Red growled.
Purple rushed over to Red and took his hand. Red pulled a cord out of Purple’s pak, and prepared to link.
“Here goes nothing!” Red jacked them in, both going stock still.
Inside the Paks, they began clearing every error in their way. There were too many, but they were able to get rid of the newly made errors from Zim detaching himself.
His vitals started to stabilize, but he was still unconscious
Red and Purple eventually had to disconnect. Their bodies shook around before they completely came to.
“When is he going to wake?” Purple asked Red.
“No way to tell. And nothing to do but keep working on these errors.” He sighed, retrieving the thrown device.
Gir tugged on Red’s coat, getting the tallest’s attention. “Is Master going to be okay?” He asked, on the verge of breaking.
“I…I think so. His vitals are stable at least.” Red said.
Purple walked away from the three of them, back to the drill pod. He pressed a button on it and had it compress in on itself. He then began to help the base repair itself from the hole they put in it.
The nanomachines were working hard, as hard as they could with a weak Pak signal.
Purple wanted to scream and destroy everything In sight. How could He and Red do this to Zim? He loved them, And they wanted to Hate him for so long.
Cords snaked out of his Pak and plugged into everything.
His eyes and Mouth began glowing as he screamed in rage, letting his anger fuel the Base.
“CORE AT 150% CAPACITY AND RISING. ESTIMATED REPAIR TIME SHORTENED TO: 1. HOUR.”
Red looked at Purple with a sigh. “Me too, Pur.” He grunted. He felt just as upset as Purple did.
He looked to Gir who kept his eyes glued to Zim.
“SIR Unit…what were his plans?” Apart from blowing himself up?” Red asked.
“Lord Dad had a lot of plans. Most of em were just to annoy Dib though…”
Red decided not to comment and walked to the computer and pulled up any files on this “Dib”.
It was filled with every kind of surveillance. Photos, videos, sound files, and even more.
While Purple let his rage rebuild the base, Red researched this Dib thing to find out if he was important to Zim.
Zim's notes on him were filled with scribbles from both Zim and Gir, all implying Dib was extremely important. Red grunted as he stood up.
He placed Gir onto Zim, and made his way to the surface.
It was pandemonium as the planet's species looked up at the blotted out sky.
There was a tall human on every screen, “Alright everybody, just stay calm. We were due for an extinction event anyways so let's just-!”
A small human shoved him out of the way, “Hah! Now you all see! I was right! I was right all along! Who's got a giant head now?!”
Red recognized the small human as the Dib Thing Zim had documented.
Red's Pak began glowing as he locked on to the human’s position. A Pak arm extended in front of him with a screen.
Red tapped at it before he initiated a short distance teleport to the humans location.
He appeared in the middle of a high tech lab, nearly as high tech as the labs in Irken schools.
“Hm. Impressive.” The tall Irken said, making the humans he appeared behind nearly shit their pants.
“Holy shit one of them is here! Someone notify The Professor!”
He was poked with a spear with a mild electric charge on the end. “Hmm. Only fifty thousand volts?” Red said, grabbing the spear. “I don’t even feel that.” He said before snapping the metal shaft.
Red then grabbed the human by his uniform and lifted him over his head. “Tell me where I can find ‘Dib’.” Red growled.
The human screamed incoherently and squirmed violently, trying to get Red to drop him. Red slammed him into the wall and twitched in rage.
“Listen to me. My patience is very, very, very fucking thin. Thinner than it ever has been. If you don’t want me to make your insides your outsides, and then feed you to wild animals. Tell me where Dib is!!” Red shouted.
“H-He’s with Professor Membrane in the Preparation Chamber!” The human shrieked as he pointed in the direction.
Red slammed him into the wall, which embedded him inside of it. The Irken then walked away, barely controlling his rage.
His Pak destroyed anything that tried to attack him, scanning the building to Identify the Preparation Chamber.
It was a room surrounded in an alloy that was apparently called Membranium. It was impressive, but as useless as any other Metal put in front of Red’s path.
His Pak legs stabbed into it, and tore a twelve foot tall hole into it.
“I'm going to ask once. Where is the one called Dib?!” Red screamed, climbing inside.
Fortunately for all the humans inside, Dib made himself known. “I-I knew one day Zim would call you all here! I was prepared for this!” Dib said, producing an energy weapon his father had created.
“Son, how did you get your hands on that?!” Membrane asked in shock.
“I’m your Son! You do the math, Dad!” Dib said before he fired a blast at Red.
Red’s Pak extended a limb, which sucked away all the energy from Dib’s weapon.
Dib glared at Red as he tossed away the weapon in Membrane’s direction. “Alright…I’ve developed more than just one Plan!” Dib said. “Time for Plan B!”
Membrane, Gaz, and Membrane’s fellow scientist stared at the human boy. He fell to his knees in front of Red and clasped his hands together.
“Please Don’t kill me! OH GOD PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!” Dib shrieked.
Red rolled his eyes and placed a hand on Dib’s head. “Wait until you’re given a directive.” Dib then disappeared in a flash of blue energy.
“Now for the rest of you human filth. Do not attempt to resist or flee. I'm currently too busy to properly conquer you, so just do whatever any Irkens tell you. Any questions?”
“What did you do to Professor Membrane’s son!? He’ll skin you alive for-”
“He teleported him you idiot. Can’t you use context clues!?” Membrane said, throwing a clipboard at the human that shouted.
“Dad…why are you…sort of taking the Alien’s side?” Gaz whispered.
Membrane leaned over to his daughter. “Cause If I resist they might Kill Dib. And us.”
“Oh, huh. Hey, do you guys play video games and stuff?”
“Of course we do. But our slaves don’t.” Red said. “Now all of you shut up and-”
The entire chamber began shaking. Red glared at the humans, who all raised their hands. “It wasn’t us!”
Red’s Pak began a scan of everything within a hundred meters as The scientists attempted to bring up surveillance of the outside.
“Somebody find out what’s going on or-”
“Your planet’s leaders have attempted bombing this city as a result of somebody reporting my presence.” Red said as his Pak finished scanning. “Your defenses stopped most of the damage. I’m surprised, most of the technology in this city appears far more advanced than the rest of this backwater planet.” Red said.
“More of humanity needs to devote their lives to SCIENCE!!!” Professor Membrane said while posing dramatically.
Red rolled his eyes as a holo screen projected from his Pak. “I will be leaving you all alone while I take care of other business. Just to give you pathetic furless apes an idea of what will happen if you have any ideas of your own.”
The holo screen showed a feed of the White house. Red spoke Irken into his communicator, and then gestured for the humans to watch.
They all watched as the Whitehouse and everything surrounding it for a hundred Miles was blasted by one of the Armada’s weapons.
Nothing remained except a glass floor, and several red and purple glass statues that used to be human beings.
The holo screen returned to Red’s Pak. “I'll assume the message has been received.” Red disappeared in a flash.