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jeongin gently tapped on the door to minho's room, waiting a moment before opening it and peeking inside. the oldest's room was dark as the curtains were over his window, and everything was quiet and still. usually there was some sort of noise, whether it be videos or music or minho himself but right now there was nothing. jeongin had heard from seungmin about minho having a bad day, and he was finally home from classes so he could check on him.
seungmin had been trying to no avail to get any sort of response from minho. on their walk home from their own classes earlier was when he noticed minho wasn't in the same mood he'd been in that morning. he was quiet, listlessly walking beside seungmin with one strap of his backpack slipping off of his shoulder as he stared at the sidewalk. he didn't even hold seungmin's hand as they walked, he kept both hands clenched by his sides. he wouldn't give any sort of response when seungmin tried asking what was wrong, and when they got home minho went to his room.
"hyung, are you alright?" jeongin asked gently.
the blanket lump on the bed didn't even move to acknowledge jeongin's presence. at the very least the youngest could tell that minho had his ipad with him because it wasn't on the charger or on the bedside table. he could've had earbuds in under there, but it wasn't likely because he liked playing things out loud. he could've been asleep, but his glasses weren't on the bedside table either.
so minho was definitely awake, listening, and he had the means to respond. "did someone upset you?" jeongin frowned at the thought.
minho didn't answer him, just like he didn't answer seungmin earlier. he didn't feel good, he felt like he was ready to completely self destruct, in a literal sense. his insides physically felt like they would explode at the slightest provocation; he might've been shaking. he didn't know, couldn't tell. all he knew was he wanted to cry and scream and pull his hair and he wanted to stop feeling this way.
not just right now, he wanted to stop feeling this way all the time. he wanted to stop feeling like such an outcast, an alien. he wanted to feel understood and seen by more than his two roommates.
minho didn't usually think about any of it too much. he liked himself, and he liked being himself around others but sometimes it left him feeling so horrible. he'd rather go be himself alone, in some place far away even though that would hurt worse. minho hated being alone.
even the complexity of these thoughts and feelings sometimes were more than minho could wrap his own head around, and it left him..like this. with inner turmoil swimming around his mind and in his body, while he could only be still and try to engage with one of his beloved interests to make himself feel better.
right now it was a pinterest board. he ignored the lump in his throat as he took comfort in his 'aesthetic anime backgrounds' board and looked at the pins over and over, occasionally looking for new ones to add.
"i even offered him pudding, he didn't budge." seungmin came behind jeongin and peeked past him to see that minho was in the same spot from earlier. "i just wish i knew what happened at school, if someone was mean to him or not. makes me so mad to even think about.."
"i can't imagine someone would suddenly be mean to him, at least i hope not..let's keep him company. go get him some snacks." jeongin directed.
"does he want our company? shouldn't we let him be until he's ready to come out?" seungmin was hesitant. he didn't want to make things worse and he was still unsure what to do when minho was upset like this.
"hyung doesn't like being alone, you know that. he'll feel better with us here. we'll just be quiet and give him space."
seungmin decided to listen seeing as jeongin knew minho better, so they both ended up in the oldest's room on the floor doing some homework. they left some chips and a drink on his bedside table and had plans to get him to eat more later.
minho liked the white noise of their writing, typing, and turning pages. he did feel better upon knowing he had his roommates with him right now. they were always understanding of him, and he appreciated that a lot. he just wished they weren't the only two people in the world who made him feel like he belonged there.
minho didn't realize he'd started crying until he felt the bed dip beside him and he heard jeongin's concerned voice. "hey, it's okay. i'm here, and seungmin hyung is here. can i hold you?"
jeongin's heart broke when minho finally came out of hiding with teary eyes and wet cheeks. his breathing was labored as he reached for jeongin and the younger quickly removed the blanket so he could pull the older into his arms.
seungmin decided to join them on minho's other side, and he made sure to carefully take minho's glasses and set them aside safely.
minho cried hard, gripping jeongin's shirt tightly in his hand as he let everything out. all of these feelings had been building up for days now, just waiting to spill over and after the interaction he'd had earlier everything was coming out.
jeongin and seungmin stayed by his side the whole time, the former holding him securely while the latter gently pet his hair until minho started calming down. his hold on jeongin's shirt was still tight as he had no intention of letting go, and he struggled to get his breathing under control but he felt better, like some of the pressure inside of him had been released.
once he was completely calm and quiet it didn't take long for him to fall asleep, not only feeling exhausted but also safe here with his two closest friends.
*
when minho woke up a bit later he was by himself now, snug underneath his blankets and holding onto one of his pokémon plushies. he rubbed his sleepy eyes and got out of bed with a hold on his dragonite plush and a blanket draped over his body. after finding his ipad minho made his way out of his room to find one of the others, following the smell of dinner to the kitchen.
"hey, you're awake." jeongin smiled warmly upon seeing the oldest sitting on the floor at the kitchen entrance.
"how are you feeling?" seungmin asked, pausing what he was doing as he waited for a response.
minho gave them a small smile to indicate he was okay now. seungmin smiled back and looked him over as he was glad about minho feeling better, though he looked away shortly after and cleared his throat. "good. now you need to eat. jeongin's making you a plate."
the meal was one of minho's favorite foods; seungmin made it for him since he'd been in low spirits. jeongin teased him about being such a huge softie even if he didn't like showing it. seungmin had rolled his eyes and muttered for him to shut up.
seeing minho light up as he put the plate in front of him was always the best part for seungmin. he ruffled minho's hair and pointedly told him to finish while it was warm before going to clean up the kitchen.
jeongin grabbed a plate for himself and joined minho at their little table. the two of them ate quietly for a bit, sans minho humming and making delighted noises due to the delicious food. it was a sure sign he was feeling much better than before and jeongin was relieved.
seungmin eventually joined them with a plate of his own. by this time minho was finished and finally enjoyed some pudding as he rocked in his seat and savored the sweet taste he loved so much. he half way listened to the conversation seungmin and jeongin had started and instead occupied himself by playing a youtube video on his ipad.
the other two were happy to see him back to his usual self, and jeongin wanted to move on and keep up with the good mood but he couldn't without knowing what had upset minho in the first place. "minho hyung, can we ask what exactly happened earlier?"
minho didn't look away from the youtube video but it was clear he heard the question. his demeanor changed ever so slightly, he didn't look quite as relaxed anymore and his eyebrows furrowed a bit like he was thinking about something serious.
he didn't want to share. he didn't want to explain and have to relive the embarrassing and hurtful moment he'd experienced with a few of his classmates. a moment that anybody else would've laughed off and not taken so seriously, but one that left minho feeling broken and defective. jeongin and seungmin might not even understand why it was so hurtful to minho.
a simple "no." is what he typed into his text to speech app, and he left it at that. he went back to youtube and resumed his video.
sometimes minho did want to open up about the more complex thoughts and feelings he experienced. he could type out whole paragraphs for jeongin and seungmin but he often wondered..should he? they loved him and understood him to a certain extent, and they were so accommodating and accepting of him. but what if they didn't and wouldn't get it the way minho would want them to if he chose to share that much?
minho didn't want to tell them things that they wouldn't fully understand and in turn hurt himself if they didn't say the right things back. he didn't think it was fair to them or himself.
"alright, that's okay." jeongin reassured. "are you up for..a game?"
minho paused his video again and looked at jeongin with a curious tilt of his head. he really liked games, what did jeongin want to play?
"i think it's time for your monthly ass kicking in super smash." seungmin suggested playfully, making minho giggle and shake his head in a 'nuh uh' type of way. he quickly left the table and excitedly went to get the game set up.
jeongin and seungmin were happy that they could help minho's night end on a good note. even if he didn't want to share what happened, they always showed that they were there for him.
minho was all smiles and giggles as he bounced in his spot on the couch, trying his best to knock seungmin's character out which proved to be a challenge. but he was happy, and he appreciated this moment with his friends a lot.
when they were done playing super smash, the trio settled down together on the couch to watch a show together. minho had his ipad again and his roommates paid him no mind as he often did his own things on there as he listened to the tv.
jeongin and seungmin's attention was diverted when they suddenly received a notification from their group chat with minho. they each opened the chat on their phone and were met with an adorable cat picture, edited with hearts and sparkles and text that said 'i love you'.
"aw, hyung we love you too." jeongin smiled. "this is so cute. did you make this just now?"
minho nodded shyly and looked between them for their reactions. the smile on jeongin's face was rewarding, and even seungmin had a small smile. he saved the image to his phone and noticed minho looking at him afterwards. "what are you staring at?" he quickly looked away as he tried to appear indifferent. "i'm sure i'm blurry anyways since you're not wearing your glasses." he muttered, and minho giggled.
he set his ipad aside and scooted over to wrap himself around seungmin in a hug, laughing more as the younger dramatically groaned but made no effort to move or refuse the contact.
jeongin watched them fondly and took a picture of the sight. "definitely making this your contact icon, by the way. it's too cute."
"the cute's all him." seungmin shook his head. he managed to free his arms from minho's hold to properly hold him and caress his hair. it's exactly what minho wanted and he melted into the embrace and hummed happily. jeongin found minho's blanket and draped it over the two of them, furthering the safe, secure feelings minho now had.
he really loved his friends so much, and it was the perfect ending to his day.