Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Player groaned, sliding down his door in the HQ, noise cancelling headphones on.

"Please, Player-"

The siblings had been interchanging, knocking on his door for about an hour.

"Go away." He grumbled out, peeved.

The knocking continued, "Just let us in"

Ivy called out, this was the fifth time she had said that,

"Please just go away!!" Player yelled out,

The knocking stopped.

He curled up into himself, wrapping his arms around his legs, just ignoring the muffled sounds outside his headphones.

Ivy was pacing around, "Do we call Carm?"

Zack looked worried, "We- we don't want to interfere with her and Shadowsan's mission- but, she might be the only one who can get through to him. Plus she would want to know, right?"

Ivy didn't know what to do, "she said the mission was important but, gah! Yes she would want to know."

Zack thought for a few minutes, "Player’s basically her kid at this point, let's call her, I think she'd want to know. Plus, you know how he can get! We don't want him slipping into another..bout of bad emotions," Zack rambled.

"Okay, okay-" Ivy was worried about Player too, he was so young.

She pulled out her phone, promptly calling Carmen. The older girl picked up after a few rings.

"Ivy? I can't talk right now, the mission-"

"It's about Player!" Ivy blurted out, interrupting her.

"Player?", she could hear the concern in Carmen's voice,

She heard banging over the phone.

"Shit..", Carmen grumbled out under her breath,

"I really have to call you back Ivy, tell him I'll be back as soon as I can"

The line beeped as it dropped, Ivy looked tense.

Zack leant forward, "So- so Is Carm gonna sort it out?"

"When she gets home."

"So what do we do about Player until she gets home?"

Ivy looked towards the door, she could hear soft sobs coming from the room,

"He doesn't want to talk to either of us right now, we should wait till Carmen's home"

Zack looked worried, but he reluctantly nodded.

"He knows we wouldn't treat him any differently right?"

Ivy sat back down on the couch, "We wouldn't be able to make him believe that."

A few hours later the wearhouse door opened, Carmen and Shadowsan walk In,

Even though Carmen looked exhausted she quickly walked over to the two siblings on the couch, "What happened to Player?"

Zack and Ivy shared a glance, "We- uh, we found out a secret of his by accident, I don't think he wanted us to know. And I'm pretty sure he's panicking because he doesn't believe we still see him the same."

"What secret?", Shadowsan asked. If Carmen was going to properly comfort him, she needed to know the scenario.

"Let him choose if he wants to tell me." Carmen quickly stated, she knew what it felt like to have something you didn't want to talk about out in the open, for everyone to judge. There was no privacy on the isle of Vile.

She wanted him to have a choice.

Carmen walked over to his room, lighting knocking.

"I told you I didn't want to talk!!", he screamed out, Carmen frowned, he sounded like he'd been crying.

She knelt down, "Player, it's me", she said softly.

There was a silence for a while before the young boy spoke up again. "Do you know?", he questioned suspiciously.

"No, I don't know what's happened, I figured if you wanted me to know you would tell me."

Carmen heard shuffling and then a click as Player unlocked the door.

He didn't make eye contact as he stepped aside to let her in.

Player softly shut the door behind him, locking it again and sliding down on the floor.

Carmen slowly sat down on the floor, learning against Players bed. She kept quiet, giving Player a chance to talk when he was ready.

Player slowly muttered, "I- I have something I haven't told you, Red."

Carmen offered him a soft smile, "You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to."

Player glanced to the side, "I need to.."

Carmen didn't respond, just giving the boy space to talk,

"When-, when I talking to Zack and Ivy..", He began.

Carmen gave him a nod of encouragement,

"I had left my laptop unlocked by accident so when I went to the toilet- i think Zack had accidentally knocked my laptop over, and as he was trying to put it back he stumbled across my messages.."

Carmen looked angry, Player noticed this so he quickly added,

"It wasn't his fault! He accidentally saw something that made him concerned for my safety so he read a bit more..", Player shifted uncomfortably.

"So when I got back from the bathroom Zack and Ivy had a conversation with me, and I panicked, it turned into a heated discussion and I ran to my room and haven't come out since."

Carmen looked concerned, "if you don't mind telling me, what was the talk?"

Player sighed, he wanted to tell her but he also didn't, he figured he might as well get it over with...

Player walked out of the bathroom, walking over to the couches,

He looked around confused as he sat down, noticing the look of concern on the siblings faces.

"Why are your parents treating you like that?" Zack blurted out.

Ivy looked utterly appalled as she smacked Zack on the arm,

Player froze, his eyes widening.

Zack rubbed his arm and Ivy spoke up, "what my brother means is," she glared at Zack.

"Are you alright? Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Player stared down at the floor, quiet for about four minutes,

"How did you know?", he murmured out.

"I accidentally went through your messages, but it- it really wasn't on purpose!! I swear!" Zack panickedly replied,

Player just tensed up again,

"You know if you're being hurt you can tell us-"

Ivy was interrupted by a panicked Player, "No!!"

The siblings looked at each other concerned, Ivy walked over and put a hand on Players shoulder, softly trying to reassure him.

"We still see you as a boy."

Player felt tears start to well up as he panickedly shrugged Ivy's hand off, he was shaking.

He got up, "no- no, you don't understand!". He made a dash for his room,

Zack grabbed him, he was clearly panicking! He needed to calm down.

Player started thrashing around, "let me go!!" He screamed, crying.

Ivy hit her brother again, "Zack you aren't helping, let him go."

Zack released the boy, Player instantly making a dash for his room, slamming the door behind him.

Carmen took a deep breath, stabilising her emotions.

"Are you, trans?" She asked him softly.

Player shrunk further into himself, "Y-yes..", he stuttered out, voice shaking.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with being transgender," Carmen softly tried to reassure the boy.

"I didn't want you to find out this way. I didn't want... I didn't want you to find out at all." Player mumbled out.

"You know we all love you regardless, right?"

"Maybe. Doesn't matter now. Everything's going to be different."

Carmen shuffled closer to him, "is it alright if I hug you?"

Player slowly nodded, glancing at the floor.

Carmen slowly wrapped her arms around him, "Player, I promise you it won't be different. The fact that you were born a different gender doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you can't continue, and it doesn't mean you aren't a "real" boy."

Player looked up at her,

"There's no such thing as a "real boy" or a "real girl", or a "real anything", Player! Everyone feels their own gender and feelings differently, there is no one true way to be anything. As long as you know who you are inside and you are happy with it, that's all the matters. You are the only person who can decide what you are, and it doesn't matter how many times that changes. Finding yourself is a process, and good people will stick around you, and support you while you find yourself."

Player looks up her in shook, tears welling up in his eyes, a small smile forming on his face. He slowly wrapped his arms around her,

"Thanks, Red.."

"Of course, Player."

He had tears running down his cheeks, but for a long time in years, they were happy tears.

Maybe everything would be okay, after all.

Chapter Text

Player blinked harshly, fading in and out of consciousness,

He was very confused, where was he?

He couldn't..he couldn't put anything together, as he felt his consciousness fade out again.

The next time Player woke, he felt he was able to keep more of a stable grip on his mind.

"..g-gah..where am I?" He grumbled out, gripping his head. It hurt like hell,

Now that he was focusing on his body, he noticed everything hurt.

"A-ah-!" He winced,

"Ow.." he grumbled,

His leg was in horrible pain, his head was pounding, his vision was blurry and everything ached.

"What the hell.." he grumbled out, confused and agitated,

"Language."

Player blinked, he knew that voice...

"S..Shadowsan?" He squinted, trying to stabilise his vision,

"Yes, that would be right."

"What h-happened..? I'm in- a-ah- so..so much pain." He struggled out.

Shadowsan sighed, "Rest."

Player laid back down with a grimace, "only if you tell..tell me what's- happening."

Shadowsan avoided the question, "How would you rate your pain?"

Player rolled his eyes, but answered nonetheless, 

"Zero out of ten. Wouldn't- mph- wouldn't recommend."

Shadowsan raised an eyebrow, "Okay, so you're conscious enough to be cracking jokes and trying to downplay everything, but in enough pain that you're shit at it. I'll just write that down as an eight then."

Player blinked, as the sound of a pen on paper filled the room.

"What..what happened to- mph- to 'language'?" He imitated Shadowsan,

"Would you like some pain medication?" Shadowsan ignored the question.

"Yes, that would- yes, please, thank you."

He heard footsteps leaving the room,

He also felt his consciousness leaving the room,

He didn't have the energy to fight it.

The next time Player woke up, he was in no pain except for the light pounding in his head, his vision had cleared up too,

"Shadowsan?" He called out sitting up,

There was no one there.

He took this chance to observe his surroundings,

He looked around slowly, not recognising his environment.

He looked back at the door, "am I in a hospital..?" He muttered to himself.

"Yes," he jumped, focusing back on the door that Shadowsan had just entered from.

"Why?"

He didn't miss how Shadowsan avoided eye contact, sitting down with a tense movement.

Player further racked his brain, "Is Red alright?"

Shadowsan looked up, meeting Players concerned eyes.

"Carmen is alright," he said with a soft smile.

"You're just like her sometimes, even though you woke up in a hospital..you still want to know if your friends are okay first."

Player felt a wave of relief washing over him after Carmen was confirmed okay,

"So, uhm..what happened to me?"

Shadowsan's had an expression on his face that Player couldn't read.

"You might not like the answer."

Player looked at him uneasy.

"I can handle it, what happened?"

"You remember a while ago, when VILE got to Carmen and brainwashed her?"

Player looked concerned, many possibilities flying through his head. 

"How could I forget?"

"Well..they found you, and brainwashed you."

Player let out a stunned laugh, "W-..What?"

Shadowsan looked into his eyes, "Player, it's been two weeks."

Player felt his reality crashing down around him, "What?" He only mumbled out again.

"You were under their control for a week, we thankfully were able to snap you out of it, but you've been asleep here for another week."

Players eyes widened, "Did I hurt anyone?"

Shadowsan went quiet.

Player felt terror rise in him, "Shadownsan..Did-..Did I..?"

Shadowsan walked over to him, carefully pulling the younger boy into a soft hug.

"You didn't kill anyone."

Player felt tears well up in his eyes,

"Who...who did I hurt..?"

Shadowsan kept hugging the boy, knowing these next words would be the hardest for him to hear.

"You injured Carmen—"

He felt Player tense up in his arms.

"But, not badly. Nothing she hasn't dealt with before."

He felt Player shake a bit, noticing the boy was staring at something in complete horror,

He followed Players eyes and he instantly understood,

Player was locked on to a big gash scar down Shadowsan's arm,

"Did I-..did-..d-.." Player stumbled over his words.

Keeping the boy in a tight hug, he said out softly, "It was not your fault, VILE alters your brain, changes who you are. Nothing you did under the control of them was your fault."

He heard sobs rack the boy, "I'm sorry..I'm-..I'm so..I'm sorry-"

Shadowsan took a step back from Player, carefully sitting down on his bed.

"Listen to me."

Player looked up to him,

"None of it was your fault, VILE had control of your mind, they only used you—"

Player opened his mouth to speak,

Shadowsan put a hand up to quiet him.

"Trust me, Player. You didn't want that, it was not you. Every step of the way, even under VILE's control, you were constantly fighting with yourself. 'You' had no good memories of any of us. 'You' wanted revenge, but yet..the real you was fighting, you never let VILE have complete control."

He put a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder.

"And that, means those actions were not you."

Player looked up at Shadowsan's face, searching for any lies.

"You mean it?"

Shadowsan offered a soft smile, "Bad actions do not make a bad person, Player."

Player felt conflicted.

"You will take a bit to heal, VILE takes a mental toll on minds. But, Team Red will always be there to support you. We will stand behind you and support you, you will be okay."

Player felt a smile cross his face, "Promise?" His voice wobbled, as his tears threatened to spill over again.

"Promise." Shadowsan nodded,

Player searched his eyes, there was no lie.

He knew the words were true,

He knew he would always have a family within Team Red.