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English
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Published:
2024-03-04
Completed:
2024-03-13
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2,748
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5/5
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thou shalt get kings

Summary:

***this is a retelling of macbeth from banquos perspective in which he misinterprets the entire things and thinks he’s in some kind of romeo-and-juliet-esque romance with macbeth***

When Banquo is prophesied that he will “get kings,” and his bestie Macbeth is prophesied that he will “be king,” Banquo starts looking at Macbeth in different ways… and when he hears him talking about his “black and deep desires,” he knows JUST what he's talking about— or so he thinks…

Notes:

enjoy !;!;)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Banquo felt uneasy. He glanced at Macbeth, hoping for some comfort– but his friend’s eyes were as clouded with confusion as his own. The three witches in front of them had just delivered Macbeth’s prophecy, which was absolutely crazy!!! Banquo was shocked and ready to hear more.
“Weird sisters,” Banquo said casually, “To me you speak not! If you can look into the seeds of time for me, that would be…”
Macbeth side-eyed him, but the witches spoke anyway. “Lesser than Macbeth and greater.” Lesser?? Well, that sucked. Banquo sighed sadly. “Not so happy, yet much happier.” What???? These prophecies were SO WEIRD!! “Thou shalt get kings though thou be none.”
Banquo immediately blushed. GET kings, huh? Banquo liked to consider himself a bit of a player— but to be honest, Duncan wasn’t exactly his type. He was nice, though, obviously. Banquo tolerated Duncan.
“Stay, you imperfect speakers!” Macbeth called, but the witches vanished. Banquo was sad. He’d wanted to ask the witches more questions— like, what king WOULD he get?
“Have we eaten on the insane root that takes the reason prisoner?” Banquo asked Macbeth, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Macbeth said nothing. The two continued walking— Banquo thought about the prophecies. Macbeth was destined to be king… and he was destined to GET kings… a thought popped into his head and he looked at his friend with new eyes. Macbeth WAS pretty cute………

Chapter 2

Notes:

:DDD

Chapter Text

They continued walking. Banquo had a moment to think. He blushed to himself. Was it possible that he was in a romcom? This is just like Romeo and Juliet, those lovers that died last month, he thought to himself. Banquo was entering his love story. This was a new era of his life. He looked at Macbeth from underneath his eyelashes.
“So, Macbeth…”
But he was interrupted by Ross and Angus bursting through the trees to cross their paths. How rude!! They were RUINING his love story!
“Macbeth,” Ross said between heavy breaths. “For an earnest honor, King Duncan bade me, from him, call thee Thane of Cawdor. In which addition, hail, most worthy thane—“ Banquo glared at Ross. That was HIS man. “For it is thine,” Ross finished.
“What, can the devil speak true?” Banquo asked, rolling his eyes. Ross was SO annoying. He was the REAL devil. Macbeth knew that Banquo hated Ross.
“The Thane of Cawdor lives. Why do you dress me in borrowed robes?” Macbeth asked. Banquo nodded enthusiastically. Ross was such a troublemaker.
“Treasons capital, confessed and proved, has overthrown him,” Angus said. Ah. So the Thane of Cawdor was a traitor. Hadn’t Banquo suspected that for a while? He had ALWAYS had a bad feeling about him.
“Glamis and Thane of Cawdor! The greatest is behind!” Macbeth exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. Banquo was happy for him. Good for Macbeth, y’know?
Macbeth pulled Banquo’s sleeve to get him closer— a thrill ran down Banquo’s spine. Macbeth whispered, “Do you not hope your children shall be kings when those that have the Thane of Cawdor to me promised no less to them?”
Banquo giggled. Where did CHILDREN come from? Was… could Macbeth want to have kids with him? This was all moving a bit quick for Banquo. He bit his lip. Maybe he WAS ready for kids. It was time to settle down. Make a life for himself. And who better do it with than the potential love of his life Macbeth?
“Tis strange,” Banquo told Macbeth flirtatiously. “Oftentimes, to win us our harm, the instruments of darkness tell us truths, win us with honest trifles, to betray us in deepest consequence.” Where has THAT come from? This flirting was getting a bit deep for Banquo, and now Macbeth seemed like he was in a deep state of thought. That was SO hot. He was even mumbling to himself.
“My seated heart knocks at my ribs against the use of nature,” Banquo heard Macbeth mutter. Banquo’s heart leaped. Oh! Macbeth must be nervous around him. He must be in love. Banquo’s heart was beating quite fast too……
“Look how our partner’s rapt,” Banquo said to Ross and Angus, smiling softly at Macbeth. What a love story this was becoming. Banquo wished he could tell Macbeth that he didn’t have to be nervous around him… that Banquo liked him back… but everyone processed things in their own ways. He took Macbeth’s hand and squeezed it— Macbeth looked at him confusedly.
“Come what may,” Macbeth said finally. “Time and hour runs through the roughest day.” Awww Macbeth was so sweet! Banquo definitely believed in all that til death do us part stuff — as long as it was with Macbeth.
“Worthy Macbeth,” Banquo said, flustered. It was a pet name, worthy— Macbeth’s love language was words of affirmation. “We stay upon your leisure,” he finished lustily.
Macbeth turned to Banquo. “The interim, having weighed it, let us speak our free hearts to each other.”
Oh. Banquo sighed. How poetic! Macbeth was too romantic for his own good. “Very gladly,” Banquo replied, smirking.

Chapter 3

Notes:

this is about to get CRAZY

Chapter Text

Banquo, Macbeth, Ross, and Angus walked into Duncan’s palace courtroom. Banquo looked around. This was so annoying. Duncan had always given Banquo a bad vibe, especially now that he was taking Macbeth’s rightful position as king, he was EVEN MORE ANNOYING!!! Duncan is not the King he wants to get. Banquo always got the ick from King Duncan.
“O worthiest cousin, the sin of my ingratitude even now was heavy on me,” Duncan said to Macbeth, taking his hands. It took all Banquo had in him not to PUKE. He was SO annoyed. Okay Duncan??? Why are you so grateful? Was it because he wanted Banquo’s MAN???
“Only I have left to say, more is thy due than more than all can pay,” Duncan continued. His eyes shone with “grateful” tears.
“The service and the loyalty I owe. In doing it pays itself,” Macbeth said. “Your Highness’ part is to receive our duties, and our duties are to your throne and state children and servants, which do but what they should by doing everything safe toward your love and honor.” LOVE? Wait… was Macbeth FLIRTING??? Banquo felt a rush of anger towards Duncan. Macbeth was HIS!!!
Duncan turned to Banquo suddenly, as if he had JUST noticed him standing there. “Noble Banquo, that hast no less deserved nor must be known no less to have done so, let me enfold thee and hold thee to my heart,” Duncan said. It was so patronizing it made Banquo SICK.
“There, if I grow, the harvest is your own,” Banquo replied sarcastically. Take, take, take, was ALL Duncan knew. Duncan didn’t even understand the CONCEPT of hard work. The one thing Duncan DIDN’T take? A HINT. HE NEVER TOOK A HINT.
Banquo was ready to run out the door right then and there, but Duncan just ALWAYS had more to say. “We will establish our estate upon our eldest, Malcolm, whom we name hereafter the Prince of Cumberland,” Duncan announced.
Banquo shook his head, annoyed. Obviously Malcolm would be prince! That was literally nepotism. But he hadn’t expected anything less from DUNCAN.
But Macbeth seemed surprised– more than that, he seemed shaken. He had stepped aside, and was mumbling fervently to himself. Banquo stepped closer to listen.
“Stars, hide your fires; let not light see my black and deep desires,” he heard Macbeth whisper to himself. Banquo SCREAMED inside his head. Black and deep desires??? That sounded like romance to him!! He leaned closer to hear better – also he kinda just wanted to lean closer to Macbeth. He was SO irresistible.
“The eye wink at the hand, yet let that be which the eye fears, when it is done, to see,” Macbeth finished. Banquo’s hand hovered over his mouth. That was a declaration of love if HE’D ever heard one (which he hadn’t, by the way. He hadn’t even gone to see Romeo and Juliet while it was still in theaters).
Banquo sidled up to Macbeth romantically. “I have some… black and deep desires too, you know,” he said sexily.
Macbeth looked at him confusedly. “Uh… huh?” AWWWW, Macbeth was all flustered!! Banquo saw Macbeth look away. Was that a BLUSH? OMG Macbeth was SO hot when he got flustered.
“True, worthy Banquo. He is so valiant,” Banquo heard Duncan say behind them. WOW. Worthy??? A pet name?? Was Duncan actually trying to hit on two taken men, one of which was his COUSIN??? What an absolute slut. Banquo was MUCH more honorable.

Chapter 4

Notes:

sucks to be a third wheel, doesn’t it lady macbeth

Chapter Text

Macbeth had invited Banquo to his castle, and Banquo was SO excited. He had packed his favorite pair of pajamas, a striped shirt and pants that were super gorgeous and wonderful, and he had packed some of Macbeth’s favorite snacks in his satchel (meat sticks. Macbeth really liked meat). Banquo was SO ready.
The only thing was, Duncan was coming too. Which was fine, but like….. This was he and Macbeth’s night. So Duncan would be kind of third-wheeling. Again, Banquo was fine with it, but awwwwkwaaaaaaard. Lady Macbeth would be a third-wheel too. It was so annoying that Macbeth was married in the first place. Like, what? Why have Lady Macbeth when you could have Banquo? It was sad.
As Duncan and Banquo entered the castle, Duncan of course started making annoying little remarks to impress Macbeth. “This castle hath a pleasant seat. The air nimbly and sweetly recommends itself unto our gentle senses,” Duncan said.
“This guest of summer, the temple-haunting martlet, does approve, by his loved mansionry, that the heaven’s breath smells wooingly here,” Banquo replied sarcastically. Duncan was LITERALLY a temple-haunting martlet. He was haunting this castle up. He needed to LEAVE.
Duncan glared at Banquo, taken aback by his biting insults, when Lady Macbeth waltzed out.
Banquo used to be okay with Lady Macbeth, but now it took all he had in him not to PUNCH her. How dare she marry his SOULMATE?
“Welcome,” Lady Macbeth said. “Those of old, and the late dignities heaped up to them, we rest your hermits.” She smiled graciously at them.
Banquo was SHOOKETH. He was single, sure (not for long!!) but he was by NO MEANS a hermit. He was so angered that he sidled past Lady Macbeth and began exploring the house on his own. That’s what SHE gets for insulting him.
Banquo paused when he heard Macbeth’s voice echoing from one of the rooms. He listened.
“If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly,” Macbeth said. Banquo gasped. Was…. could Macbeth be wanting to DIVORCE Lady Macbeth? In order to get together with Banquo? It made TOTAL sense!
“If th’ assassination could trammel up the consequence and catch with his surcease success, that but this blow might be the be-all and the end-all here,” Macbeth continued. Banquo’s hand covered his mouth. Macbeth was obviously talking about the assassination of HE AND LADY MACBETH’S RELATIONSHIP!
“He’s here in double trust,” Macbeth continued. Banquo clapped his hands over his mouth. Could Macbeth be talking about…… him? “First, as I am his kinsman and his subject, strong both against the deed–”
Banquo turned BRIGHT red. The deed. Woah. Macbeth was going a little too fast for him……. but he kinda liked it….
“His virtues will plead like angels, trumpet-tongued, against the deep damnation of his taking-off;
And pity, like a naked newborn babe striding the blast, or heaven’s cherubim,” Macbeth sighed. Banquo had to put his hand against the wall to steady himself. Macbeth was getting a bit… erotic, for him. The METAPHORS! THE POETRY! The CONFESSIONS of LOVE! This was going SO FAST. Macbeth was one hundred percent in love with Banquo, and Banquo was pretty sure HE was, too.
Banquo was about to go inside and tell Macbeth that they could totally date, but he may not be ready for the kind of stuff HE was talking about, when he heard Lady Macbeth enter through the other door.
“He has almost supped. Why have you left the chamber?” she asked coldly. How DARE she talk like that to HIS man.
“Hath he asked for me?” Macbeth asked. He seemed exasperated. Was he getting tired of Duncan? A million thoughts ran through Banquo’s head. Macbeth didn’t like Duncan??? It was all so confusing… Banquo considered himself a player, but real romance was still a mystery.
“Know you not he has?” Lady Macbeth responded. Banquo walked away from the doorway. Macbeth was probably about to divorce Lady Macbeth, and he did NOT need to be there for that awkward couples conversation. He went back downstairs to sit at the dinner table with Duncan. It smelled DELICIOUS. Banquo was so ready for a night of turkey, steamy romance, and wine with the love of his life… plus a couple o’ third-wheels.

Chapter 5

Notes:

in which macbeth delivers a spicy little soliloquy

Chapter Text

Banquo had a son. It wasn’t something he liked to talk about a lot, but yeah. Fleance existed. He was kinda annoying (very annoying, really). He was gonna eat breakfast with everyone, which was kinda……… rude, to be honest. Like, Banquo understood that he was four years old, but do you HAVE to ruin your father’s romance game? Have some TACT, you know?
“How went the night, boy?” Banquo asked his son reluctantly. He supposed he ought to make conversation.
Fleance didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to talk yet. Banquo thought he was a bit stupid, to be honest.
“Hold, take my sword,” Banquo told Fleance. He pushed his sword into the four-year-old’s small hands. Fleance stumbled under the weight. Banquo looked around in the dark carefully, and then, hearing a noise in the dark. Banquo wouldn’t say he “scared easily,” but a lot of other people would. “Give me my sword– who’s there?” he called.
“A friend,” the voice responded. Oh! It was Macbeth. Of course it was. The love of Banquo’s life, in the flesh.
But a friend??? What a backhanded thing to say. Banquo felt like he had been impaled through the heart and thrust into the friend-zone. He wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye as he forced a smile.
“What, sir, not yet at rest?” Banquo stuttered. “The King’s abed. He hath been in unusual pleasure,” he smirked, hoping Macbeth would catch his not-so-subtle innuendo.
Macbeth looked taken aback. “Ah,” he said. “I see.”
“He sent forth great largess to your offices,” Banquo added. “This diamond he greets your wife withal, by the name of most kind hostess,” he said snarkily. He pulled out the large diamond Duncan had given him to give to Macbeth and grimaced. It was so large. Large and dull. Tasteless, just like Duncan himself.
Macbeth accepted the diamond, examining it. “Beautiful,” he said.
“I’ll buy a shinier one for thou,” Banquo said, winking. Macbeth’s hand flew over his mouth.
“Banquo, what are thy–”
“All’s well,” Banquo added hastily. “Uh, I dreamt last night of the three Weïrd Sisters. To you they have showed some truth.”
Banquo didn’t understand why Macbeth suddenly looked nervous and frightened. “Are thou okay?” he asked, just like the thoughtful and kind friend he was.
“I must leave,” Macbeth said suddenly. “Good repose the while,” he said.
“Thanks, sir. The like to you,” Banquo said, waving goodnight and blowing a gentle kiss. He hoped he was being TOO flirtatious!!
Banquo, after dropping Fleance off at his room for the night, decided to make another quick stop at his lovely Macbeth’s room! He heard Macbeth talking to himself, and paused to listen…
“Is this a dagger which I see before me,” he heard echo from the chambers. He immediately knew exactly what Macbeth was talking about. How scandalous! And to compare it to a dagger. It must be quite large!!
“The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee,” Macbeth whispered to himself- Banquo strained his ears to listen. Woah. Should… he be getting out of here? That was a very personal thing to eavesdrop on. And yet he stayed.
“I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible to feeling as to sight?” Macbeth cried from behind the door. Tears immediately filled Banquo’s eyes. Oh… Macbeth was in love with him! He had thee not, yet saw thee still? Was that NOT their exact relationship??? Banquo immediately walked away to give Macbeth privacy. After all, he’d get to spend eternity with him once Macbeth declared his love! Which, judging from this soliloquy, would be PRETTYYYY soon.