Chapter Text
You were sitting in your room, a line of blow once on your desk now gone, the rest of the coke now gone. But in a desperate attempt to get all of it in your system, you used the blade that you had cut the line with to draw a cut up your forearm, so you could then shove the bag that was once filled with cocaine in your arm. Making sure it would all be absorbed into your bloodstream. This was something you had never gone low enough to do.
You had constantly denied that your little coke habit wasn't an addiction, when in fact it was. You take your now bloodied sleeve and wipe your nose, covering your face afterwards. Suddenly, like a slap in the face you felt a jolt of energy, completely clearing your mind. Without even being aware of it, you had gone from your room to pacing the long and winding hallways of Mordhaus, peeking over your shoulder every so often in fear of someone watching.
Someone must've caught wind of your giggling through the hallway, and it was Nathan. In all other situations, Nathan is completely fine with a little bit of drug usage, he would be a hypocrite if he wasn’t. But it was becoming a big issue. For the longest time he was under the assumption you were only using marijuana, but just recently the band had found out you’d been using a lot stronger. Cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, just to name a few. None of them could name a time you were sober.
Nathan steps up and wraps his arm around you from behind, causing you to go limp. “Y/N, what are you doing out here, its 2 in the fucking morning.” Nathan grumbles, still holding you close to him.
“Ohhhh it’s .. nothing, just a little stroll, ya know?” you say, grinning up at him, your smile wide.
“Christ Y/N are you high again?” he raises his voice, his gruff tone echoing through the hallway. He had just noticed your blood stained shirt. “What the hell did you do to yourself?”
A small giggle escaped your lips. “Oh nothing at all, it was an accident!”
Nathan paused for a moment and looked around, seeing if any of his bandmates would have heard him and came to help, but alas there was no-one. He let go and turned you around so you were facing him. He gently pulled your sleeve up, revealing a long slice up your arm. His eyes widened as he looked back at your face, still unaware of what you did to yourself
“Shit, Y/N-“ Nathan cut himself off, he was fighting for words. How hadn't you passed out yet?
Quickly, he leads you to his room, closing the door behind him for your privacy. Sure, he did want help but you probably wouldn't want the others seeing you like this. I mean, hell it was enough that he was, he didn't wish it make it any more embarrassing than it already was.
Despite how out of it you were, you were still incredibly aware of everything happening. He was gently leading me to his bathroom, carefully holding your bloodied arm up. A massive cut was covering your wrist up to the middle of your arm, other small cuts scattered around it. Nathan winced as he examined the cut.
I look up at him, smiling. He looks back, a worried expression on his face. He set your arm down carefully and looked for gauze and bandages, or hell, even a first aid kit. He could easily bring you to the doctors in Mordhaus but Nathan worried it'd be too much for you. Once he had found the first aid kit, he turned around and finally got a good glance at you. Baggy clothing covering your slender frame, scars littering your arm, dilated pupils, and a slight stubble covering your face, which you normally kept shaved. The sight of you made him frown, you used to be so bright and charming, always talking and interacting with the band, getting laid by Nathan almost nightly. But now, you stayed locked up in your room, fucked up on weed, cocaine, and god knows what else. Nathan layed a wet towel over your cut. It didn't seem to be too deep, but definitely deep enough.
You let out a slight wince in pain as Nathan was cleaning the dried blood off your arm. He paused for a moment and looked back up into your eyes. You had been staring at him, wide eyed.
“Y/N, that stare is fucking creepy, I love you ‘n all but its a little frightening” Nathan says with a careful tone, trying to keep it lighthearted.
You giggle and look away “I'm not looking at you, you're crazy”
Nathan laughs, and continues to care for the wound on your arm, cleaning it off as carefully as possible. He didn't want to hurt you in any way now, because it’ll definitely hurt like a bitch in the morning. After it stopped bleeding for the most part, he wrapped it in gauze and bandages, making sure it was tight enough to cover the cut.
About 50 minutes, maybe even an hour had passed since your last hit, and it was just coming back now. Slowly you were becoming more aware of what happened. You were both sitting in the bathroom in awkward silence. That is, until Nathan strikes up conversation once more.
“So uh… do you wanna stay here for tonight? Sleep with me? Uh.. wait not like that- um-“ Nathan paused for a moment, thinking about how he wanted to word it. “I just meant I wanna keep you company, yeah, you understand?” He stutters through his words, pulling at his robe nervously.
You nod slowly in response, hopping off his bathroom counter. He grabs your other arm carefully and leads you back into his massive bedroom. Once by the bed, he took his robe off. Before taking his boxers off, he turned to you “Are you okay with me taking these off?” He wanted to respect your boundaries, for once he actually understood what a vulnerable state you were in at that moment.
Once more, you nodded your head yes. He nodded back and slowly took off his boxers.
Before getting in bed, Nathan thought about how to ask if you wanted help. He bit his lip before saying, “Do you uhh.. need some help getting all those off?”
You covered your face and nodded yes again. Nathan had finally caught on that you went nonverbal. “Alright then, c’mere” He says, pulling you close to him.
He put his arms around you and grabbed the bottom hem of your shirt, carefully pulling it off of your sweaty body. Being extra careful pulling your bandaged arm through the long sleeve.
Your bare chest was now exposed, even more marks and scars were visible, some cigarette burns, some marks that Nathan had made during the many nights you two spent together. Nathan once more pulled you closer, undoing your belt and letting it drop to the ground. He undid the button and zipper of your pants and pulled them down, leaving them at the bottom of your legs. Before taking off your boxers he looked back over you, asking for your consent once more.
Believe it or not, below that tough guy metalhead exterior, he’s incredibly caring and kind. For the last time you nod your head yes, giving him full consent.
He reached down for your boxers and began to pull them down, letting them drop to the floor, similar to your pants.
Suddenly, he picks you up, leaving your clothes on the floor, he sets you carefully on the bed, and covers you with the sheet and comforter. You curl up into a fetal position, holding your legs close to your chest. Nathan crawls in bed with you and pulls the blankets over himself as well. He wraps his arm around your chest and holds you close to him, your bodies radiating warmth against one another. Both of you falling into a deep sleep.