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In another time, another place, an alicorn Princess sent her faithful student a final test-- an unfinished spell by the greatest unicorn mage in Equestrian history. After a near-disastrous first effort, the student finally solved the riddle of the spell, completed it, and was transformed (as her mentor had planned) into an alicorn princess.

This is not that time and place.

In this time and place, the time for scheming and plotting by sneaky-pants princesses had come and gone. Twilight Sparkle had finally called the old woman out, and after an emotional tussle (and a good bit of drama) they had reconciled. Twilight was no longer a 'faithful student.' Unicorn or not, she was a peer who could meet Celestia and Luna eye to eye; she was, more importantly, her own mare.

She (and her friends) had consequently been enlightened to a great number of things that her mentor had been playing close to the vest; many secrets of the past, and of the magic of Equestria. Among them, a great number of things about the nature of the Elements of Harmony, how they operated, and how those strange relics were influencing the course of events themselves...her personal perspective was naturally very different.

In brief, the key difference in this time and place was that, when Twilight received a certain notebook by a certain Starswirl the Bearded from a certain Princess, she actually had half a clue as to what she was doing the FIRST time...

"Okay, everypony," Twilight said. "Take your positions on the hexagram." She and the other bearers of the elements stepped into their respective positions on the corners of the diagram Twilight had drawn out(1) on the library floor.

"So what is this spell supposed to do?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Nopony knows, not even the Princess," Twilight said. "But Celestia said Starswirl the Bearded made the uncompleted version to be used with the Elements of Harmony. So we're the only ones who can figure out what he was trying to do."

"Ah dunno," Applejack said. "Just feels weird, usin' pegasi an' earth ponies to do a unicorn spell."

"Indeed, I've never heard of any spell that used all three tribes of pony," Rarity said, stepping daintily into her place in the diagram. "Of course, I'm no student of the arcane, but--"

"That's what makes it so fascinating," Twilight said eagerly. "It's one thing to say that all three tribes have magic of their own; it's another thing to find an example of all three kinds being used together."

"A-are you sure about this, Twilight?" Fluttershy said nervously, fiddling with her Element. "This could be dangerous."

"Of course, it's perfectly safe," Twilight said confidently. "The diagram will confine the effect of the spell to the hexagram, so we can observe it safely. Now, does everyone have the completed version I wrote out?" The others nodded; there was a bookstand in front of each of them, each with a copy written on a scroll. "Okay, all together now..."

"From one to another, another to one.

A mark of one's destiny singled out alone, UNfulfilled;

From all of us together,

To each of us together,

With the marks of our destinies made one,

and one shared by all without end--"(2)

The library bloomed with light.

 

---

There is another dimension that overlays the cosmos of Equestria; a plane of mystic energy and power, a higher wavelength that all Equestrian magic emanates from and expresses into. It is a realm filled with vibrations that are neither sound nor light, yet both, that hum and sing and cascade over one another in a rich and intricate song. The Elements of Harmony, even when quiescent, express themselves on that plane most prominently, constantly sending out these vibrations like waves in an ethereal sea.

There are beings in Equestria (two of them in particular live in a castle in Canterlot) who are sensitive to the musical thrumming on this plane, even in their sleep. When Twilight's revised spell was activated, the non-sound those sensitive beings experienced could best be described as

THOOM.

Celestia sat bolt upright in her bed, bedsheets flying in every direction. Every magical nerve in her body from the frogs of her hooves to the tip of her horn was reverberating to the sound/light/color/texture/blastwave that had washed through the thaumatic plane. Her mane was standing out in every direction. She could feel the aftershocks in her teeth.

Even as barely conscious as she was, she knew this was deathly important, a moment that required that she make some profound  meaningful statement or other, something ringing of venerable wisdom and cosmic insight.

"Ebbeh," she said.

Her mane still frizzed and her head still ringing like an inside-out bell, she dashed to her balcony, scanning the night with her horn. Her mind was just starting to clear. I know that sign, she thought. It can only be one thing. If I work quickly, I can triangulate the exact location from the thaumatic echoes---

A moment later Luna, her mane frizzed and her feathers askew, landed in a tangle-legged clatter on the balcony next to her. "Sister!" she yelped. "A huge magical explosion has just struck Ponyville! I saw the flash of light from my tower!"

--Or, that, Celestia thought to herself, vaguely disgruntled. "It can only be one thing. Quickly, Luna," she said, shaking out her mane. "We must get to Ponyville at once."

Luna nodded. The two teleported in a flash of light.

 

---

The Royal Sisters blinked into existence in midair over Ponyville. One would say that they appeared in the air over the Ponyville library, except for the fact that there wasn't a Ponyville library anymore.

In another time and place the casting of Starswirl's last spell had resulted in a single Element bearer ascending, causing her to disappear in a flash of light, leaving behind nothing more damaging than a charred spot on the floor. In this time and place all six bearers had vanished. As could be expected, the side-effects were a trifle(3) more substantial. The great oak tree that had served as the Ponyville library was simply gone, vaporized. All that stood in its place was a blasted, rubble-strewn stump that had once been the ground floor. A gentle fall of leaves, splintery bits of bark, and scorched book pages was just beginning to rain down.

Celestia and Luna landed. Celestia carefully cast a spell to sweep the falling debris out of the air and away from town; no sense letting some poor innocent get a book binding to the head or a chunk of bark in the eye.

The scorched rubble stirred. Some of the splinters and soot shifted to one side, lifted out of the way by a rising trap door. The door flopped to one side with a bang. Out came a rattled-looking owl and a small purple dragon wearing a hard hat. Spike looked around with the air of someone having his expectations confirmed. "Yep, looks about right," he said. "I knew it was a good idea to start napping in the basement the moment she got that book..."

"Spike?" Celestia said.

"Oh, hey, Your Highnesses. Um, call it a hunch but I think Twilight hit a snag on deciphering that spell you sent her."

It was at that precise moment ponies started dropping out of the sky like overripe fruit.

The quiet Ponyville street was suddenly lit brightly as day. Celestia, Luna, Spike and Owlowiscious looked up; six glowing lights had appeared in the sky. Just as suddenly they disappeared with a loud POP, and from each one plummeted an unconscious form that landed with an audible "whump" in the street.

One sat up. It was Rainbow Dash. She groaned and rubbed her head. "Oh, my head," she moaned. She tried to rub her forehead-- only to find her hoof was obstructed. "My... head?" She froze, then prodded around her forehead again, feeling carefully along the protrusion, clear out to the point. Her eyes crossed as she looked up at her new unicorn horn. "Head, head, HEAD! HEAD!"

The pony next to her stirred. "Land o' goshen, Dash, whut're you--" Applejack started to say, when an orange wing-- her own-- fanned out in front of her face. "Great horney toads!!" She jumped to her feet and began turning in circles, first one way then the other, trying to look at her own back where her new wings had sprouted.

"Aah, you got one too!" Dash yelled, pointing at Applejack's forehead. She was correct; the farmpony had a spiral horn poking out from under her hat.

Applejack looked up at her forehead. "AAah! A horn, too? I--I have wings and a horn now??"

Twilight looked at her own fanned wings. "We all do!"

"Oh dear oh dear," Fluttershy gasped, trying to cover her new horn with her wingtips.

"Oh my," Rarity said, flexing her new swan-like pinions. She pirouetted on one hoof, fanning them for best effect.  "No need to panic, girls. In fact I think I rather like..." then she glanced over and saw a gleefully grinning Pinkie Pie poking and prodding at her own new wings and unicorn horn.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy, does this mean I can do magic now too?"

"GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!" Rarity screamed, eyes starting in horror.

Twilight spun around. "Everypony stay calm, just stay calm!" She looked up and saw Celestia and Luna. "Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!" The relief in her voice was boundless. "Am I glad to see you!"

"I can imagine," Celestia said.

Twilight was already starting to spin up into a babbling fit. "I I I don't know what happened, I set the wards so carefully and it should have contained the spell perfectly but the last thing I remember is that blast of light ricocheting back and forth between us and then there was this big sort of non-kaboom and oh Maker is that all that's left of the library?--"

Luna glanced around. Ponies had been awoken by all the light and noise, and slowly but surely were trickling out into the streets to see what was going on. "Celestia ?" she said, warning.

Celestia smiled warmly at her former pupil. "Twilight,  I think we have some things to discuss." Then she looked over the remains of the library, the bemused dragon and shell-shocked owl, the six brand new alicorns, and the rapidly gathering  crowd. "....back at the castle," she added, her smile becoming a little fixed. "Everypony ready to teleport? Good. One, two, three..."

With a flash of light all of them disappeared.

 

---

1)With a ruler. And a compass (both kinds.) And a blue pencil, overlaid with a Spiffy Quick Waterproof Guaranteed No-Smudge Marker. She was going to need to sand the floor to remove it completely.

2)Yes, I changed it. The canon version seemed to be more about fulfilling one pony's destiny...which made it seem like the spell was about exploiting five other ponies to ascend oneself. Starswirl, I suspect, was a jerkass.

3)To be specific, five orders of magnitude more substantial. Figure that the canonical bang/thermal burst when Twilight was ascended alone was the equivalent of a cherry bomb (about 1/2 gram of gunpowder), scorching a spot on the floor.... with the order of magnitude increasing once per pony added to the ritual, that comes to 5.0*10^6 milligrams, or 50 kilograms of gunpowder. The UN explosion danger area calculator for "bare explosives" gives a minimum safe distance for detonating that much at about 479 meters, or just under half a kilometer in open air. Yeah, that's just about right for blasting a giant oak tree to smoldering splinters. Fortunately subsequent repetitions of the incantation reveal that the heat and blast force is largely contained and directed upward... much to the chagrin of the Royal Sisters, who now have to replace one of the arboretum rooftops in their palace...

The court of Canterlot Castle was already abuzz. Things had been proceeding as usual, with the Court of the Day handing over the keys, as it were, to the Court of the Night, when both Princesses had suddenly vanished from the palace. No warning had been given, no instructions had been made; they had simply both announced that they would be back shortly, and vanished in twin flashes of light. Word had gone through the palace staff like chain lightning. The heralds and hoofservants were at a loss for what to do; the courtiers and supplicants were either miffed or alarmed as was their natures; the guards were disgruntled that the Princesses had yet again teleported off without them,  just underlining-- yet again, dammit-- how damned pointless their jobs were.

Everypony was rushing about the throne room, working their way well into a proper tizzy(1) when there was a loud report and a tremendous flash of light. Celestia and Luna appeared in the middle of the floor... accompanied by (shock horror gasp scream faint) six other alicorns. Every pony in the room froze in wide eyed, slack jawed shock. "By royal decree, the Royal Court for this evening is cancelled," Celestia said firmly. She swept out her wings. "Guards, I want every pony cleared out of this room. Yourselves included."

The captain stepped forward. "Your highness?"

"Leave us." Celestia said, chin raised high. Luna said nothing, simply standing by her sister with her own wings fanned out.

Slowly, at the behest of the guards, the throne room cleared out. The double doors closed behind the last two guards with a hollow boom. Celestia held her pose for another minute. "Are they all gone?" she muttered to her sister.

Luna peered around the throne room, looking carefully for any well-meaning but disobedient servants lingering in hiding. "I think so," she said.

Celestia lowered her wings and sighed with relief. She and Luna looked over the six new alicorns gathered around them, sprawled dizzily on the floor. Then they looked at each other, grins spreading across their faces.

To Twilight's astonishment, Luna broke into the happy hoofy dance.... and Celestia was right behind her. "Eeeeeeee!"

"Yesyesyesyes!"

"It finally happened---"

"YyyyyES!" Celestia and Luna High-hoofed each other.

 

Twilight watched in astonishment as the most regal ponies she knew proceeded to go into a demented victory dance, squealing and giggling like schoolfillies. At the point they started doing hip-bumps she interrupted. "Princesses? Luna? Celestia? What is this??"

At Twilight's distressed tone, Celestia stopped in mid hip-bump. "Oh, Twilight. Aheh. Um." The diarch of the sun blushed. "Well this is something we have been looking forward to for some time, and we-- oh stop that Lulu!" She gave her sister-- who was still doing the happy dance-- a hip bump that sent the lunar princess staggering off the dais. "As I was saying... this is an event we have been planning for since, well, since--"

"Since we were fillies!" Luna said as she climbed to her hooves.

"You mean this-- this--" Twilight waved a wing at her still slightly croggled friends. She sat down and groaned in frustration. "Celestiaaaa! I thought we got past that whole 'secret chessmaster planning' thing--!"

"Now Twilight," Celestia chided, "Let me explain." Twilight sighed but complied. "Now when I say we were planning for this, I mean that we have known for ages that it had to happen, sooner or later, and have been patiently waiting for it to happen."

"Beggin' yer pardon, Princess," Applejack managed, "But waiting for what?"

"For other alicorns," Luna interrupted.

"My little ponies, Luna and I have been the only alicorns in existence for literally thousands of years," Celestia said patiently. "Do you imagine we enjoyed being all alone all those centuries?" the Bearers sat back, pondering this.  Celestia's face turned somber. "You cannot fathom how lonely it was. All we have had, was each other. My sister's banishment-- you have no idea how close it came to undoing me entirely." Luna stepped forward and nuzzled her, comforting. "We have been looking, watching, waiting for signs that more of our kind would be born, that this loneliness we have lived with for so long would be ended. We also labored to share our immortality-- to find the secret to our endless youth, to share with the rest of ponykind. Again, to no avail."

"It was only in this last century that I started seeing signs that our solitude was ending... in a way we hadn't quite expected."

"What were the signs?" Twilight asked.

Celestia grinned. "I think you can figure out the first one," she chuckled. "It's how you got your babysitter after all..."

Twilight brightened. "Princess Cadence! You saw her ascend?"

"I saw her born," Celestia said. "Quite the surprise for us. She was born a normal Pegasus--- for all of five minutes. Then she ascended. (2) Luna and I were born alicorns... we had no idea before Cadence that normal ponies could become alicorns."

"I had been watching," Celestia pointed out. "For signs of other alicorns, anywhere in the world." She waved her horn and an enormous map of Equestria and the surrounding lands appeared in midair. "I only saw a few possibles, over all those centuries," she said. The map sprouted three or four bright red dots, scattered over its wide surface. "Massive magical surges, strange disturbances in the Aether.... I had thought them false leads. But after Cadence's birth, I had to reassess my data. Where once I had seen a few possible sparks... there were now quite a few more." Dozens of dots suddenly speckled the map. "But to my frustration, my duties as Princess-- and the imminent return of... of Luna--" she looked askance at Luna, who flushed awkwardly. "Meant that I could only investigate one or two." She gave Twilight a wry grin. "Then I got a student and my hooves were really full." Now it was Twilight's turn to blush.

"Then the next, no-doubts-about-it sign happened," Celestia said. "Six ordinary ponies found the Elements of Harmony. Or should I say six extraordinary ponies.... ones who, had I been more observant, would have been obvious candidates for possible ascension."

"Us?" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Of course. Remember what I told you? Do you really imagine that anything but a pony of extraordinary potential could perform a sonic rainboom while still a school filly?" she looked at Dash, who was still looking a little freaked out about the horn growing out of her own head. "Or detect a vein of gemstones from miles away?" Here she looked at Rarity, who blushed and fluttered her wings. "Or communicate with animals as naturally as breathing--- when she had never seen a wild animal before in her life?" Fluttershy 'eeped' and smiled.

"And let us not downplay the more subtle gifts among us," Celestia continued. "I have watched Sweet Apple Acres for some time now, and it is by far the most bountiful orchard in that region. But to have the gift to raise magic-infused apples from the Everfree--!"

Applejack flushed. "Twern't me that did that," she said. "That was all Granny Smith and Great Grandpa."

"And yet you made them thrive," Celestia pressed. "With only yourself, your brother, and your little sister to tend the whole farm. And let us not forget your ability to see through lies."

Pinkie cocked her head. "How are those two things related anyways?"

It was Luna who chuckled. "When you till the earth, you must learn to cherish the truth, to accept it no matter how comforting a lie might be. You learn that no amount of falsehood or self-deception will change the way the plants grow, or the waters flow, or the stones rest. What is, is, and you must accept the truth of it, if you would prosper."

" Heh. 'Apples is Apples,' is how Grandpa allus put it, " Applejack reminisced.

Celestia turned her attention to Pinkie Pie. "And don't think my sister and I haven't noticed your unusual gifts, Pinkie," she teased.

"What, you mean my Pinkie Sense?" Pinkie said cheerfully. And strangely disingenuously.

"Just for starters," Celestia admitted, cocking an eyebrow. "And no, trying to distract everypony is not going to work this time. We're well aware of how things seem to.... bend around you, to your favor."

Pinkie Pie suddenly looked unsettled. "Gee, I really dunno what you're talking about, then--" She looked around, almost as if she expected something to happen.

"Pinkie," Celestia chided gently. "That won't work this time, I told you."

To the other ponies' surprise, Pinkie seemed to shrink in further on herself. Her eyes widened into teary pools. "But I can't," she said cryptically. "It's bad if I tell..."

To her friends' mystification, Celestia stepped down off the dais and threw her wing around the cringing former earth pony. "It's okay now, Pinkie," she said kindly. "I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner; I should have been there, and intervened, taken you under my wing..."

"Princess? Wha....?" Twilight looked around at her friends. They looked as puzzled as her.

Luna stepped down off the dais and joined her sister in nuzzling the inexplicably distraught pink pony. "Pinkie is a Bender," the night princess said.

"A what?" Applejack said, her brows furrowed.

"A Bender. Or a Warper, is another term for it," Celestia said. "It's a rare variation of earth pony talents. A Bender can bend things. Time, space, even probability--chance and luck--"

Twilight gasped and leapt to her hooves. "Of course! That's how she keeps popping out of places she couldn't have possibly got into! That's how I saw her in the mirror that one time! That's how she could win a dozen games of tic tac toe in a row! That's how her Pinkie Sense works-- And that's probably why I kept getting beaned with falling flowerpots whenever I tried to investigate it," she said, rubbing her head ruefully. "AHA!" She pointed at Pinkie Pie and did a victory jig. "I knew there was a rational explanation, I knew it all along! I knew it I knew it I... knew... aherm. Right." She sheepishly stopped dancing as the others stared at her. "Sorry?"

Celestia gave a wry grin and continued. "Anyway, Pinkie was obviously a Bender from a very early age. Had I paid more attention in the times we met I would have seen it. And I would have done something to help her..." She looked at Pinkie.

Twilight gasped again. "The Ill-Starred!" The others looked at her. "That's... what ponies used to call ponies who they thought brought bad luck," Twilight explained. She looked at Pinkie, comprehension dawning. "And I bet most of them were Benders, weren't they."

"Insightful as always, Twilight," Celestia said, nodding. "Most Benders can sense when things are going to happen. Some can just barely tweak the cosmic fabric, and make things happen, sending good or ill luck other ponies' way. Especially if they're worried or upset or defensive. And if they don't know what they're doing, it's hard to control."

"I didn't mean for you to get hit on the noggin, Twilight," Pinkie whimpered. "I just wished so hard for you to get tired of investigating me..."

"That it suddenly rained flowerpots on my head," Twilight said wryly.

"Pinkie was prodigiously gifted. I'm guessing that her family saw her... unusual proclivities.... and warned her to never let anypony know she was... Ill-starred." Celestia said the word with obvious distaste.

"Pa and Ma always said it was a bad thing," Pinkie sniffled. "That bad things would happen if anypony knew." She shook her head. "But ponies started to figure it out... At least in Ponyville I could start over--"

        "You mean Pinkie had to leave her family 'cause the neighbors thought she was jinxed?" Applejack said, dismayed. "Aw, sugarcube..."

"I wish I had figured it out sooner," Celestia lamented. "I would have done something to help her. But I'm doing it now. Pinkamena Diane Pie, listen to me." Pinkie looked up at her through her waterfall of a mane. "You don't have to hide your gifts anymore. Understand? Your parents were just trying to protect you from ponies who would fear or resent you. But that's over now. You're a very special, very gifted pony, and you should never be ashamed of that."

"Even if I'm Ill-Starred?"

"You are not ill starred," Celestia said. "You're a Luck-Maker." She surprised the pink pony with a kiss on the forehead. "And don't you forget it."

"Does this mean I'm your new Faithful Student?" Pinkie asked suddenly, brightening a little.

Celestia chuckled. "Well, I think you'll be more our Faithful Student, Pinkie," she said. "You will need a bit of training to work out the kinks in your abilities. I can help a bit, but Luna has more of a knack with luck, time and space magic."

        "And the rest of us will be right there for you too," Twilight said firmly. "Right girls?" There was an overwhelming consensus to the affirmative.

Rarity dabbed at her eyes with a hanky. "Oh my, tissue time," she said. "This is all very heartwarming-- and enlightening, too-- but you were saying about other alicorns, your Highness?"

"Just Celestia, from now on, Rarity," Celestia said. "You're all alicorn princesses now, and we are family-- not ruler and subject. But my, yes, I have drifted off the topic." She waved her horn. the hovering map rolled up, shrank, and multiplied into six copies. "You know of my plans for Equestria," she said. "To someday end the scourge of mortality upon our little ponies."

"It is not good that some few should be blessed with endless youth, while so many of our subjects wither like flowers cut from the vine," Luna said somberly. "Long have we sought to share our gift of longevity and youth with others."

"But to do that, we need more alicorns," Celestia said. "We few are not enough to crack this puzzle on our own... or at least not within many lifetimes. And none here is willing to wait for that, I think." The bearers all let their thoughts drift to friends and loved ones, some more saddle-weary with age than others.... and more than one thrilled to the idea of them being young, healthy and strong again. "We need more alicorns. Their magic, their insight..."

"Their bloodlines?" Rarity suggested.

"Ahem. Indeed. It would be good to have more alicorn lineage in the gene pool, yes," Celestia admitted. "To this end, as new alicorns of the realm, I would commission the six of you to go forth and seek out these possible ascendants." She levitated a copy of the map to each of them. "It will be some weeks before your quest will begin, and there will be much to arrange after the coronations. But I would urge you to be..." she paused. "Not necessarily secretive. But please be very, very discreet in to whom you disclose your mission. Not all would have good intentions towards our cause-- or to the nascent alicorns who may be out there, unknowing." Several of them gulped, but they all nodded.

"I think I'm missing something," Rainbow Dash said. "Why didn't you send out other ponies to try and track these nasty alicorns..."

"Nascent, Dash," Twilight corrected.

"Whatever. Why didn't you just send somepony else to look? Why does it have to be us?"

Celestia shook her head. "As foals, my sister and I learned many things about our nature. If an alicorn doesn't wish to be found, they won't be found," she said. "Save by another alicorn."

"It made for most frustrating games of hide and seek," Luna reminisced.

"In fact, it is our affinity that will hasten the work; nothing can seek out an alicorn as readily as another alicorn."

Luna suddenly cleared her throat. Loudly. Several times. Celestia sighed. "Yes, Luna, I'll tell them," she said. "Girls, I believe Luna would like you to exercise certain preferences in which potentials you seek out first..."

"Um, certain preferences?" Twilight asked.

"I'll give you a hint," Luna said, deadpan. "How many alicorns do you now know?"

"Well, uh, all of us and Cadence, I guess," Dash said.

Luna's eyebrows could have served as a level. "Notice anything missing from our happy little herd?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Stallions," Celestia said, rolling her eyes. "She's saying she wants you to keep an especial eye out for any nascent alicorn stallions."

There was something of a raw, awkward pause. "Um, not to get too personal," Twilight said. "But... couldn't you um, date a regular--"

"I did once," Luna said tragically. No further words need said.

Twilight of course said them. "How long ago--"

"Five hundred years before my fall as Nightmare Moon," Luna said. "Do not mistake me, Twilight Sparkle; I loved Blue Yonder more than anything. But he was gone... so quickly." She looked heartbroken." Would you not do the same? How could I possibly fall in love again, with somepony who would be gone like a breeze through my mane? I swore then I would hold my heart only for a lover who could be with me for the ages."

There was a chorus of 'awwww's. "That's so sad--" Twilight said.

Luna leaned forward till her nose was an inch from Twilight's. "And on a related note. It's been fifteen hundred years, Twilight. Fifteen hundred bucking years since the last time. You get where I'm going with this?"

"The last time since wha oh dear, um...." Rarity blushed.

"Wowch," Rainbow Dash muttered.

Luna nodded. "Exactly." Her eyes got a little round. "I'm starting to get... just... a little.. TENSE."

Twilight leaned back from the lunar princess. "Rrrright. We'll keep that in mind, then--"

"We'd better," Rainbow Dash said, her own eyes a little round. "I don't wanna go a thousand years without, y'know, intimate male companionship either."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said, alarmed. She cast a sidelong look at Celestia. "Um, Prin-- um, Celestia, don't you--?"

Celestia sighed and tossed her mane. "Of course," she said. "I'm just better at controlling it." Luna stuck her tongue out at her. "Mind you, there are summers when some of the royal Guard start looking mighty darn good--"  There was a crash just outside the doors; the distinct sound of a soldier dropping his weapon and possibly his helmet. Celestia just smirked.

"But alas, I can't quite bring myself to be a cradle robber," she finished in a low whisper to Fluttershy.  "What the hell. I guess it wouldn't hurt keeping an eye out for someone tall, dark and alicornish for me, too...."

Fluttershy blushed and giggled fiercely.

Celestia stood up straight, spreading out her wings. "Thus is your mission, from ourselves to thee; to go forth across the land, seek out our alicorn brethren and sisters and bring them safe to Canterlot; to set the foundations of the alicorn race; that we might bring the blessings of alicorn longevity to all the clans of ponydom."

The bearers of the elements of Harmony all knelt. Applejack's head suddenly jerked back up.

"Hold yer horses," she said. "Did she say something about us being princesses?"

 

---

1) 3/4 of a tizzy. Just shy of a rumpus and a fair margin from a full blown furor.

2)It was quite the event. Screaming, panic, shouting, flailing hooves-- and that was just the expectant father.  In the first month, within a five block radius of Cadence's nursery, there were fifteen marriage proposals, five weddings, seven second honeymoons, and every single schoolcolt spontaneously decided that girls didn't have cooties after all.

Six coronations. Six. Six new alicorn princesses, all appearing in a single night, who would now each have their own staff, their own servants, their own royal quarters, their own royal powers and, let's not forget, their own coronations. The consternation this caused amongst the royalty, the Houses of the Equestrian Parliament, the Guard and the Castle staff was commensurate.

In other words, everypony freaked.

Orders and paperwork flew, ponies galloped hither and thither, platoons were mobilized and immediately fell into disarray as they stumbled over each other, grown stallions screamed in hysterics like fillies, and at least one klaxon was going off somewhere in the hallways of the castle.(1) It was the fourth worst state of chaos Canterlot palace had ever been in.(2)

It was a pell-mell riot in the great rotunda when Celestia teleported in. She stood in the middle of the great open room, spread her wings, and used the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"ENOUGH."

Ponies basically screeched to a halt all over the rotunda. There was dead silence; all that could be heard was the faint sound of the klaxon blaring somewhere in the labyrinthine depths of the castle. "Thank you," the Princess said, keeping her voice loud enough to be heard by everypony there.

"My Little Ponies, calm yourselves. The ascendency is not a crisis! It is a proud and glorious day for Equestria. There is no reason for anypony to succumb to panic--"

She was interrupted by the sound of oddly muffled galloping hooves. Out of one of the many hallways branching off the rotunda came Princess Luna, still wearing her pajamas and bunny slippers, running as if Tirek himself were on hot on her heels. "The snails! The snails are finally here!" She shrieked, standing in the middle of the roomful of frozen ponies and spinning in a circle. "Raise the drawbridge! Lower the portcullis! Man the battlements! Fetch the Morton's Salt! It is the end, the sticky sticky end!!" She turned and bolted off down another hall, her bunny-muffled hooves fading in the distance.

"--No rational reason for anypony to succumb to panic," Celestia amended. "If we all keep level heads and work together and, most importantly, exercise some horse sense, everything will be fine."

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" she asked with just a tad of excessive cheer. Naturally everypony started clamoring again, this time gathering around her to do it. This time around she used a thunderclap to call for silence. "You first," she said, rolling her eyes and pointing at a random pony with a hoof.

"Your majesty," the bespectacled pony in question said. "Parliament is in a tizzy over the sudden appearance of six-- six!-- new Princesses, they're wanting to know what this does to the Diarchy--"

"Nothing more than what Princess Cadence's birth did," Celestia said. "The title of Princess was given to Mi Amore Cadenza as an honorific with certain minimal privileges and authority; they just need to run off six copies of the same decrees issued back then. It was only twenty five years ago; honestly, tell them to look it up! All right, now YOU," she said, pointing to a man-at-arms.

"Your Highness, the royal Guard is grossly understaffed for six Princesses," he said severely. "We need--"

"More soldiers? Congratulate all the recruits in basic training, they're Guards now," Celestia deadpanned. "Fit them for their gilded armor--- spray paint the training armor if we don't have enough yet--- and divide them up between the six."

The guard's jaw dropped in horror. "But... Your Highness... they're raw recruits! Worse than raw recruits! They..."

"Welcome to the world of on-the-job training," Celestia said. "Mix them in, Captain. Put at least one of the experienced guardsponies with two or three of the new. Give the experienced guardsponies responsibility over the rookies and put them through their paces. Lighten up on the spit and polish for a while; I'd rather have them a little disorderly looking than understaffed... and with what the new princesses are going to be up to, they'll need ready and willing hooves to help them more than they need shiny armor and stiff poses. YOU."

The mare almost jumped out of her hooves but rallied. "Your majesty, we're having some difficulty planning out six coronations in such short--"

Celestia facehooved at that. "Combine them into one big coronation, you silly thing," she said. "Main throneroom, decorations themed on the Elements, everything else more or less the same. ---Oh, and burn that damned coronation chariot. It's as ugly as sin. It looks like a, a cheap toy designed for a mentally handicapped child. Come to think of it, burn those dresses we wore at Cadence's coronation. Maroon and gold? What in the Maker's name were the dressmakers thinking? In fact... give the job to Princess Rarity."

The mare's quill stopped in mid-scribble. "Princess Rarity? Really?"

"She was a dressmaker par excellence before she was ever an alicorn," Celestia said. "Tell her  white with gold trim for me, midnight blue and silver for Lulu, and lavender and pink for Cadence. Simple white with gold filigree for all the new Princesses... they'll be wearing the Elements for jewelry. " the mare nodded as she scratched down the instructions. "Very good. And you?"

It was the majordomo. "Your majesty, the staff of personal servants---"

"Hire more. Next?"

This pony was a tweedy looking fellow with a ledger in one hoof. " Bean Counter, Royal treasury, your Highness. What with the royal allowance, new accommodations to be constructed for their new Majesties, staffing, necessary expansion of the--"

"The chase, my dear Counter. Cut to it."

The pony slipped into a rather Southern patois. "How we gon' pay for all dis?" he drawled, raising an eyebrow. He was quite obviously picturing six new princesses driving Equestria into bankruptcy.

Celestia sighed and rolled her eyes. "Congratulations, you're the new keeper of Emergency vault number Thirteen(3)," she said. With a flick of her horn she manifested a rather large, ornate skeleton key hanging from a chain. "Have the set of royal jewelry in there auctioned off. That should cover the immediate expenses, and use whatever is left over to start a trust fund for each of them."

"Y'all gon' trus' me t' invest awl dat??" Bean Counter stammered as the key settled around his neck. His accent got thicker the more alarmed he was, Celestia noted.

"You're on my financial staff. I trust you," Celestia said.(4) "The Princesses will be rather busy abroad for... the foreseeable future; I want a suitably regal lifestyle waiting for them when they return." Bean Counter nodded; he knew precisely what she meant.... or at the least he was certain he knew what she meant, which was what Celestia was counting on.(5)

A few more rounds of one-on-one instructions and soon the rotunda was... well, still chaotic, but at least it was no longer bedlam. The panicked rushing about had some purpose to it. Celestia sighed and wiped her brow with one hoof. "Good, things are back on track. Now if somepony would please turn off that damn klaxon?"

---

1)It was the alert klaxon marked "in event of invasion by giant snails." Commissioned by Princess Luna at the age of six, after reading one rip-snorter of a monster story right before bedtime.

2)Preceded, in ascending order, the return of Nightmare Moon, Discord's escape, and the time the Gryphon ambassador's wife had been overheard saying that Princess Celestia had a fat ass.

3)There were quite a number of those "emergency vaults" scattered about the castle, remnants from a time when she and Luna had been rather busy kicking the snot out of uppity dragons. After getting whomped crosseyed by a pretty pony princess, most dragons were more than eager to pay a tithe of dane-geld just to keep the story from getting around.

4)Celestia prided herself on the fact that it was her own money, not any tax revenue, that funded her lavish lifestyle. A job in her royal treasury was more than just counting stacks of coins like Scrooge McDuck.

5)Long ago Celestia and Luna had realized that if they didn't live in a lifestyle that the average pony regarded as appropriately lavish for the Princesses of the Moon and Sun, their little ponies would actually spend ruinous amounts of their own money to give them one. Celestia found it simpler and more compassionate to give them her own money and let them purchase the lifestyle they thought she and Luna should have. It was rather like a doting mother giving her child money to buy her a mother's day gift, but it all worked out.

 

The new Princesses were all currently roomed in the East Tower together, in quarters normally reserved for diplomats and visiting royalty from other kingdoms. The suites were capacious--- the smallest one could have held the entirety of the Carousel Boutique with room to spare-- and lavishly appointed. The opulent surroundings were doing little to set them at ease, however. The shock of their metamorphosis had passed, anxiety settling in its place. Now they'd had time to sit down and think about it all, the stress was making them more erratic by the moment. In the course of twenty four hours their lives, their knowledge of how their world worked, even their own bodies had been turned topsy turvy. Every aspect of change had brought with it a hundred questions they wanted to ask, and no answers were forthcoming.

In short, the mane six were starting to freak.(1)

The six of them had gathered-- or perhaps huddled-- in Twilight Sparkle's suite. They had dismissed the servants and were now scattered around the bedroom, fretting and plexing in the manner best suited to them. Twilight had taken to pacing around the room, muttering to herself. Rainbow Dash had become increasingly fidgety, flying from perch to perch and alternating between looking at herself in the many mirrors around the room as if searching for some blemish and staring cross-eyed at the tip of her own horn. Rarity and Applejack were commiserating together over the boutique and the farm. Fluttershy hadn't quit saying "oh dear oh dear oh dear" for the past half hour. Even Pinkie Pie was looking as nervous as a schoolfilly sitting outside the principal's office.(2)

The door to the suite opened and Princess Luna stepped in. Her mane was slightly rumpled and there were bags under her eyes. There was also, inexplicably, a bunny slipper on her back left hoof. She noticed it and kicked it off with a hint of annoyance. "Good day, my little ponies," she said. Her mouth quirked up into a smile. "No, that isn't correct, anymore, is it? I should say good day, my new kin." She seemed to take great pleasure in saying it. "We are sorry we left you here alone for so many hours, but--" she paused and yawned. "Forgive me... but there were many affairs of state to take care of due to this." Plus, I'd been up for almost twenty four hours and I was dead on my hooves, she thought to herself. Not that four hours of napping helped much. Darned snail klaxon false alarm...  "We--- Celestia and I--- are sure you have many questions..."(3)

That opened the floodgates. They gathered around the Lunar princess like a flock of frantic ducklings, talking over top of each other. "CEASE!!!" Luna finally bellowed. The floor itself vibrated with the force of her voice. They all leapt backward a step, clamming up instantly. There was a faint "eep" from somepony, then all was still. "Aherm. Sorry," Luna said. "Perhaps I should begin by answering some of thy most likely questions in advance?

"Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle: We have made arrangements for temporary replacements to fill thy positions of duty in Ponyville; librarian, veterinarian, and lead weather specialist. Thou wilt be interviewing candidates for a more permanent replacement at thy convenience; we shall only send hence those that meet thy expectations.

"Though, ahem, there is little rush to select a new librarian till a new library is built and stocked.

"Servants have been sent to ship thy belongings to the Palace, and to escort thy pets hither as well. With the exception of Rainbow Dash; moving pegasi will simply be towing thy cloud home hither. Fluttershy, fear not, there is more than plentiful room in the royal gardens for thy menagerie." The three mares in question sighed in relief.

"Fair Rarity, thy business is still thine own, but we would kindly suggest henceforth that thou sellest thy fashions through a proxy, under another name... lest thou be accused of using thy royalty to undue advantage." Luna held up a hoof, forestalling any objections. "Tis a bitter pill to swallow, we know; but wouldst thou be happy wondering if thy success was falsely earned?" Rarity frowned thoughtfully, but made no disagreement.

"Good Applejack..." here the moon princess paused. "I know thou hast strong ties with thy kin and thy land, and thy heart must ache at royal duty calling thee away from them. But it is not for all time; thou wilt be able to go hence to them at thy leisure, when all is settled. And when thou canst not be with them, as a princess thou wilt be able to send both money and strong backs to help shoulder the work. Thou hast not abandoned them; thou hast moved to a place where you can aid them from afar." Applejack's eyes were wet, but she nodded.

"And yes, there wilt be a coronation," Luna finished. "You wear a fancy dress, walk up the aisle, since there are six of thee, thou shalt all walk the aisle together, mine sister doth blah-de-blah, We present to thee Princess blah blah de blah, then she giveth thee a tiara,you ride the carriage, wave nicely at the ponies, the end. It is naught to perspire." Luna dismissed the whole thing with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hoof. "We have already informed thy families; they shall arrive at the palace oer the next two or three days, and shall be staying in the guest suites for the coronation and the celebrations afterwords."

Pinkie perked up at that. "You mean there'll be a party?"

Luna smirked. "One or two," she said. "And I give our royal word that only one or two of them will be like the Grand Galloping Gala." There were awkward grins all around at that. "Does that cover all thy questions?"  The girls mumbled amongst themselves, but nodded."Truly? Art thou all certain?" Again, the new princesses all looked at one another, then at Luna, and nodded.  "Splendid. If any of thee needest me, I shall be in the spare room across the hall." She yawned immensely. "Sleeping. I bid thee good morrow." She left.

She went straight to her room and crawled into the immense four-poster bed that was waiting for her. She would have gone back to her own chambers, normally, but she had a fair notion of how things were about to go. "I give it an hour at most," she muttered to herself as she flopped onto the oversized mattress and fell asleep.

She was wrong. It was an hour and a half.

There was a creak and a sliver of light as somepony crept quietly into the darkened room. Luna sighed, but lay still. She had awoken the instant the door had opened, but let the intruder tip-hoof her way to the canopy bed. The bedcurtains parted. "Princess? Hey, Princess Luna!" a raspy voice whispered. An azure hoof poked her in the side. "Princess, are you awake?"

Luna let her eye crack open at that one. "Forsooth, and how would I answer in the negative?" she said.

It was Rainbow Dash, of course. Luna was surprised; she hardly expected the skyjockey to be the first. The stunt flyer was looking at her in puzzlement, obviously befuddled by the question. "Never mind," Luna groaned, sitting up. "What troubles thee, Princess Rainbow?"

The pegasus didn't meet her eye. She stood there, awkwardly rubbing one forehoof on the back of the other. "It's... kinda personal," she said.

"Personal?" Luna said. "How personal?"

"Personal personal." The pegasus' eyes were filled with vulnerability.

The weary moon princess smiled a bit. At that moment Dash reminded her so much of the countless colts and fillies she saw on her nightly dream-rounds, haunted by one childish fear or another. She patted the bed with her hoof. "Hop on up," she said. "We shall have us... what is the term? Some small girl-talk." The nervous pegasus looked over her shoulder then hopped in. Once the draperies had closed around them, Luna reclined casually and looked at her. "So... what is this 'personal' issue?" She said.

Dash looked down at her own fidgeting forehooves for several seconds. Just as Luna was about to repeat the question, the pegasus blurted out, "How tall am I gonna get?"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Prithee?"

Dash fidgeted some more with her forehooves as she lay there. "I don't wanna sound like a dork or nuthin'," she said. "But I-- I can't stop worrying about it. How tall am I gonna be? How big am I gonna get? Am I gonna be as tall as you?As Celestia? Is my mane and tail gonna start doing that, that wavy thing yours and Celestia's do?  I mean, I'm already pretty spazzed out 'cause a this," here she tapped her own horn with a hoof. "How else is my body gonna change? I mean, you guys all make being all lanky and stuff look good, but long legs aren't really good for stunt flying and I'll never fit in a Wonderbolt's uniform like that--"

Luna chuckled to herself. It should have dawned on her that of all of them, someone as body-proud as the pegasus athlete would be alarmed at the changes in her body. "Calm thyself," she said, resting a kind hoof on Dash's own. "The 'lankiness' thou referrest to is the product of many centuries. Thou'lt be much as thou art for many ages hence."

"Are you sure?" Dash asked.

Luna nodded, smiling somewhat wryly. "Believeth me. I am barely my sister's junior, yet I am still laboring to catch up with her in growth." She chuckled. "And besides, if thy form does cause thee undue consternation---" a pale blue glow surrounded her horn and spread down over her body. When it faded, in her place lay an alicorn no taller or longer of limb than Rainbow Dash. "Thou hast other options," she concluded.

"Whoa!" Dash blinked, wings fluttering in surprise. "We can do that?"

"With practice," Luna said. She cast the spell again and slipped effortlessly back to her original form.

"Wait a minute," Dash said suddenly. "That was your real form?" Luna just smiled. "It was." Luna kept smiling. "It wasn't. ....You're not gonna tell me, are you." Dash's eyebrows drew down. "So not fair."

Luna chuckled. Let her wonder. "Does it matter?"

"Guess not." Rainbow Dash blushed. "I'm sorry to freak out on you like this..." She looked worried again. "Are there... any other um, changes I should be expecting? There are, um, rumors that I've heard from time to time. And, um."

"Rumors?" Luna arched an eyebrow.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, face flaming. "It's a stupid rumor. And-- what you said about stallions made me figure it was garbage, but--" she looked around as if searching for eavesdroppers and leaned in. "Okay, there are these guys on the weather patrol, see, and they told me once they'd heard... that the reason there aren't any alicorn stallions around is that, um, that all alicorns have-- h-have both-- " she sat up on her haunches and made several very bizarre and possibly arcane gestures with her hooves.

Luna's eyes bugged out. She stared at Dash in slack-jawed disbelief. "What?"

"'Cause alicorns are s'posed to be all the pony races in one, earthpony and pegasus and unicorn, right, and so they're also s'posed to be both female and--"

Luna gawped at her in horror. "What in Equestria???" She gagged. "Never in my--where in Equestria did they-- what is WRONG with ponies??"

"So I'm taking that as a no," the pegasus said neutrally.

"Absolutely no," Luna said scathingly. No wonder the polychromatic pegasus had been so rattled by her own metamorphosis, if that was the sort of scuttlebutt among the masses. "Pray tell, what other anatomical horrors doth the modern witling bestow upon us?"

Dash looked defensive. "Hay, it's not like anypony could walk up and ask--"

"No, no, forgive us," Luna sighed, her hoof to her forehead. She giggled suddenly. "The things ponies believe..."

"Tell me about it," Dash muttered. "You should hear some of the things ponies say about pegasi." She fanned her wings and looked at them. "I mean jeez, if my wings really did that, I wouldn't even be able to walk straight, much less fly."

It took a second for Luna to get the reference. She laughed. "Ahh, yon legend of the wing-boner," she snorted. "Be not too proud though; I am sure the tales the pegasi tell about earth ponies and unicorns are a fair match for it in silliness." I really should speak to sister about improving the quality of the health classes in our schools, she thought.

"Yeah," Dash agreed, tapping her horn. "Now that I've got one, I can't believe anypony ever thought that this thing was supposed to be--- well, you know. 'Sensitive,' " she made quote-marks in the air with her hooves.

"Well, thou knowest how some ponies think," Luna sighed. "If tis longer than tis wide, it must be a 'you know what.' " She smirked. "And if tis wider than tis long, tis a 'you-know-what' turned sideways." The two mares sniggered and snorted.

"I get the feeling I'm going to learn way more about pony biology than I ever wanted," Dash said, rolling her eyes.

Luna chuckled. "Fear not, Rainbow Dash," she said kindly. "Be they earth pony or unicorn or pegasus, ponies are far more alike than different. Thy body and mind will remain... fairly the same as always."

"Thanks Princess," Rainbow Dash said. She got to her hooves and hopped off the bed. "I'll let you catch up on your sleep." She trotted to the door. She looked back over her shoulder. "You know? You're pretty cool, Princess." She walked out the door, closing it behind her.

Luna lay back down, snuggling up with the pillows. I wonder what "they" say about the earth ponies?  was the last thought that crossed her mind as she drifted off to sleep.

 

---

"Princess Luna? Your highness? Are you awake?"

Luna groaned and rolled over. "Why do they always ask that?" she muttered. That was, what, thirty more minutes? Forty five? She found herself almost nose to nose with Princess Rarity. The white unicorn-- former unicorn, current alicorn, Luna reminded herself-- backed up a step, but no further. Her horn was glowing with a candlelight spell; her face was a portrait of distress. "What ails thee, Princess Rarity?" Luna asked.

Rarity sat down on the floor, her head hanging. "Princess Luna--- I-- I can't do this."

"Do what?" Luna asked.

"This!" She waved a hoof at herself. "Being a Princess. Being royalty. Royalty! I..." She shook her head. "It's not for the likes of me."

Luna sat up and regarded the fashionista. "And why not?" she said simply.

Rarity sighed. "Princess, I--" she stopped as Luna pressed a hoof over her mouth.

"Just Luna," the moon princess said. "We are sisters now."

"Luna." Rarity bit her lip. "You know of my ambitions. To be a great fashion designer, to move up in the world, to join the elite upper circles of Canterlot society."

"And move up you have," Luna pointed out. "Thou art a princess now, of Canterlot. Thou hast reached and surpassed those circles."

Rarity shook her head, smiling sadly. "Though not through my own efforts or virtue," she said. "I've been... jumped up to this place by a sheer magical accident." She flushed and bit her lip again. "And I've scarcely acted in a way worthy of a noble title.

"You'll recall some months ago I stayed as a guest of the palace, thanks to Twilight and Prin-- thanks to Twilight and Celestia? Roundabout Twilight's birthday? While I was here I found myself moving in the social upper circles here in Canterlot." She hung her head. "You know how I managed to fit in with all those rich and powerful ponies? By lying through my teeth. Pretending I wasn't from Ponyville, lying about my 'elite friends'--- Of course it all blew up in my face when Twilight's birthday party spilled over into the soiree I was at right next door. Fancy Pants was gracious enough to brush it off, and proclaim himself charmed by my Ponyville friends. But... I'm not so foolish as to think that Canterlot society has forgotten. Or forgiven."

"And thou fearest a backlash," Luna surmised. "Gossip. Backstabbing. Disdain. Cruel and hateful words." At Rarity's silent confirmation, she sighed. "I fear I may not be the pony to speak to in that regard," Luna said.

Rarity realized who it was she was speaking to. "Forgive me," she said, ears flicking back contritely. "I had forgotten about your own difficulties since your return." She stood up and paced in a circle. "But it's more than that. I fear my own shallowness just proves that I don't deserve this--"

She started at Luna's bark of laughter. "Art we speaking of the same upper crust ?" She mocked. "Dost thou know how few of those popinjays deserves their station in life? The sweeping majority are there by accident of birth, inheriting their wealth and their titles, the last noble accomplishment in their lineage centuries in the past. Those like good Sir Fancy Pants are rare, rare indeed. Thou thinkest thy own dissemblings shallow? There are nobles and courtesans-- some our own blood kin-- who are shallow as the sheen of water on a glass plate. Worse, they are vicious and petty, obsequious to their betters, condescending to their equals and hurtful to their lessers.

"Who among them hath faced dragons and manticores and changelings for our kingdom? Who among them could bear one of the Elements? Who among them helped redeem.... me.... from a place of terrible darkness? Thou art more than worthy of thy ascendancy, dear Rarity, much less thy title."

She reached out and put her hoof on Rarity's shoulder. "That is why we need more like thy friends... and thee."

"Why?" Rarity said plaintively.

"Because there are many in our court who could use a friend like thee, Rarity," Luna said. "From servants and staff to new nobles-- lords, ladies, dukes and duchesses--- lifted to their new station by my sister and myself, young and innocent and naive, desperately trying to make their place--- whom the more spiteful among the politicians and the nobles and the old money would pluck like vultures at a hapless lamb.

They could use a patron, someone who could take them under her wing; someone who..."

"Someone who had been where they are now?" Rarity smiled at the thought. Princess Rarity, patron of the nouveau riche...that would be rather grand... "Perhaps I could... find a niche, after all."

"Indeed." Luna scowled. "There are too many who are scorned for their humble beginnings. And too many who could heartily stand being taken down a peg or two." A certain blonde unicorn fop crossed her mind. "Mincing, preening blonde twit," she muttered aloud.

"Dare I guess who this particular blue-blooded twit is?" Rarity said dryly.

"Ah, that's right," Luna said. "The Grand Galloping Gala. Prince Blueblood was thy escort for the evening... Twilight Sparkle did fill me in on the gruesome details." She grimaced. "My condolences." The grimace turned into a smirk. "By the by; Thou knowest that the coronation will be followed by at least one royal banquet." Rarity nodded, not sure where this was going.  "All the nobility will be in attendance... twould be such a shame were thou not there... in thy new royal gown, of thy own design... freshly coronated.... and it would be such terrible bad manners to not re-make his acquaintance--- in front of all his friends and sycophants..." the smirk grew absolutely malevolent.

Rarity pictured it in her mind. Her expression of glee was priceless. "Oh, that is absolutely wicked!" she whispered. "Princess Luna, you are AWFUL!" her eyes sparkled.

Luna gave Rarity a sly look. "Well, what's the point of being the bad little princess if thou cannot enjoy it once in a while?" she said.

Rarity's cackle was anything but ladylike.

 

---

Luna didn't even bother pretending to sleep the fourth time. "Enter," she said, magicking the door open. On the other side stood Applejack, her hoof still raised to knock on the door. The farmpony gave her a sheepish grin. "H'lo, Princess," she said.

"Just Luna, please," Luna said. "Something troubles thee." It was a statement, not a question.

Applejack stepped into the room, doffing her hat. "Ayehp," she said. "This Great Master Plan thing of your'n and Celestia's."

Luna was surprised. Well, this one is far more straight to the point than the others, she thought. "Oh?" she replied. "How interesting. I would have thought Twilight Sparkle to be the one to first voice any concerns."

"Oh, she's voicing 'em, all right," Applejack said. " 'S all she's been talkin' about all day. All sorts of egg-heady stuff about population density this and longevity that an' socio-polly whatever. I think she's savin' it all up for Celestia, though. But... a lot of what she's been ramblin' about got me to thinkin' too."

"Prithee, unburden thyself," Luna said, waving a hoof at the bed next to her. Applejack awkwardly accepted the invitation, climbing up on the bed and sitting next to the lunar diarch. "So what hast thou been thinking?"

Applejack lay her hat on the bed before her. "As I understand it, this quest thing you're sending us out on-- it's not just to find other alicorns, just 'cause you want to find more alicorns," she said. "You're wantin' to bring all the alicorns together for their magic. So you can study it... and figure out how to...to make everypony immortal." She rattled her head briefly. "Sakes, that's world-shaking just to say."

"More or less, thou hast the gist of it," Luna asserted.

Applejack looked at her, her brow furrowed. "And, I mean, I don't wanna sound like a know-it-all, an' y'all are thousands and thousands o' years older than us, and have probably forgotten more than all of us combined will ever know, but---

"Are y'all sure this is right?"

Luna took a long, patient breath. "And why dost thou not think it right?" She asked.

"'Cause death is a part o' life," Applejack said brusquely. "Don't get me wrong; I would love more'n anything to... to wave this horn," she tapped the tip for emphasis "an' make Granny young and healthy again. Just for starters. But ain't that just me bein' selfish?  Wantin' her to keep on living, to heck with the consequences, cause I don't wanna let her go? 'She's waited a long time to cross over to the Great Fields on the other side, an' be with Granpa an' all her loved ones again. Would she thank me for making it so she had to wait so much longer... maybe even forever?

"An'... an' messin' with life, an' death. Like what Twilight's been fretting about. What happens when we run out of room for everyone? Or we unbalance the circle of life or somethin'.  What could we all be throwing out of whack?

"Ponies livin' forever-- it ain't natural--- whut, whut's so funny?" For Luna had begun to chuckle at the word 'natural.'

"What's funny?" Luna repeated. "Oh, naught but that a pony who lives in a world where the Sun and the Moon are controlled, and the weather itself is sculpted by hoof, should fret that something is not 'natural." At Applejack's uncomprehending scowl, Luna sighed. We have sheltered thee and thine far too much, my little pony, she thought. "My little pony, little if anything in Equestria is natural. And that is a good thing. Were we to leave Nature to its own design, all of our kingdom would be akin to the Everfree Forest.... worse, even.  Many things in life are 'natural'--- disease, pestilence, war, cruelty, greed, depravity--- but we do not abide them. Shall we cast aside medicine, arrest our doctors and nurses, because they 'thwart the natural order?'

           "If thou encountered a pony who was injured, or sick, and thou hadst the means to bind their wounds, the medicine to remedy their illness--- would thou not succor them? What is old age, but the accumulation of injury and ailment?

"Which is just? To kill, or to heal? To do harm, or to do good?"

"Any matter, thou miscomprehendeth what is being attempted. We are not attempting to unseat death. Such lies beyond any feasible power in this mortal universe. What we seek to cure is senescence."  Applejack's brow furrowed again. "Old age," Luna clarified. "Tell me, Applejack; thou hast a younger sibling?"

"Ayep. Applebloom. Still tryin' to get her cutie mark."

"Tell me, Applejack. Suppose thou were to discover that thy precious sister had been born with a terrible disease. Inherited in her very bones. One that doomed her to wither, and sicken, her mind falling apart, her body riddled with ailment, every day worse than the last and nothing to hope for but worse for tomorrow; a disease that would doom her to die in sickness and pain and delirium before the end of this same summer. Her life cut brutally short, all her ambitions and dreams and beautiful potential gone, and worst of all, both of you forced to watch as her mind and body shrivelled away? What risks would you take, what Hell would you dare march into, to buy back the years which were robbed from her?

Luna poked Applejack in the chest. "Know you this, Applejack; that is the very fate to which I and my sister have been doomed. You all are as our children, Applejack. No mother should have to bury her children. Yet that is what she and I have had to do, again and again and again, for thousands of years.

"All things die, Applejack. Someday, even my sister and I will die. Some fierce and terrible enemy, or some awful war, or mayhap merely a large boulder falling from above and crushing us. We cannot turn back death, we cannot prevent death from happening eventually. But we will not stand idly by while our little ponies suffer and die for no damned reason." she sat back. " For whatever reason, we were born without the, the sickness that makes our little ponies wither away after so bitterly few years. It would be a terrible wickedness, an explicit sin to not do all in our power to use that mysterious blessing to relieve the suffering of others.

"Think, Applejack," she pressed. "Think about what thou hast already said. Thou hast called it selfishness-- selfishness!-- to want to alleviate your grandmother's pain. Has our thinking become so backwards? That is not selfishness, that is compassion. Selfishness would be for us to hoard the blessing of restored youth to ourselves. E'en if it did not lengthen life by a day, is it not better that ponies spend their remaining years in health and vigor, rather than bedridden and in pain?  And if it lengthen their lives, what sin is that?"

"I-- I still don't know," Applejack said. "Anyway, is it even possible? You can't change nature."

Luna smiled enigmatically. "But fair Applejack, Nature is change. It always has been. We have a part, a small part, that we alone can affect. And change starts when we decide."

Applejack brooded. She thought of Applebloom, how as young as she was, how few years she had on this earth. She thought of Granny Smith, slow and tired and hurting, with only more aches and pains to hope for in the future. Really, was what the Princesses proposed to do any different than creating a new medicine, or a new kind of surgery? Was it any different than Granny getting a hip replacement, "thwarting the course of nature?"   Was she really so superstitious that she would deny either of them a better tomorrow? "You've... given me a lot to think about, Princess," she said. "I guess... I guess I'm on board with it. For now. If f'r nuthin' more than to find those lost alicorns."  She donned her hat. "Sorry to wake y'all."

"Tis fine, Applejack.," Luna said. She lay back down as the farmpony left. That was most likely the last visit she would have before nightfall, thank heaven. Twilight would save any questions for Celestia. And so long as she had her animal friends with her, Fluttershy would be right as rain. She blinked once, twice---

 

---

Her eyes blinked open. She was nose to nose with somepony with violet fur and eyes. "Somehow, even as I thought it, I knew..." Luna muttered. "Hello, Twilight Sparkle."

"I'm so sorry to disturb you Princess Luna but I've been going over the Plan I mean your and Celestia's Plan and I  realized there are all sorts of problems that it's going to cause and the more I thought about it the more problems I found and I'd talk with Celestia but she's too busy right now and Spike is overseeing the moving of all our stuff in Ponyville so I can't send her a letter so I've been making notes---" she waved a hoof-full of paper " ---and I just HAD to speak to one of you about---"

An indigo hoof suddenly corked her mouth. "Twilight."

"Yurph?" the frazzle-maned alicorn said.

"Calm down."

"Urfkrfh."

The indigo hoof was removed with a cork-popping sound. Luna regarded her sister's protegee with bleary eyes. Luna was long past the groggy stage at this point and well into sleep-deprived shell shock. She decided to keep it monosyllablic till her body dredged enough energy to operate her brain at full speed. "Notes?"

Twilight nodded.

"Splain."

Twilight sat down and began shuffling through her notes. "Well first off we have the biggy. What happens to these alicorns we find? I mean just the six of us and all of Canterlot is in an uproar. What if we find dozens? Or hundreds? We can't possibly make them ALL princesses--"

Luna snorted in amusement. "Prince." Her bleary mind concocted a vision of Prince Blueblood in a sparkling dress and tiara...

"Oh, right. Princes, too, um, alicorn stallions, right. but still-- just looking at the panic caused today, and extrapolating for increasing numbers of alicorns... and then there's the issue of landed titles and the dispersion of royal authority---"

"Noble families." Yay, four syllables. I'm getting better.

"What?" Twilight paused in the middle of holding up a detailed graph.

"We'll search their family trees," Luna said with an epic yawn. "Everypony's related to somepony. We'll put them in the noble family they're most closely related to."

Twilight tilted her head to one side, her eyebrow cocked skeptically."What if they don't have any nobles in their family tree?"

It was Luna's turn to look skeptical. "After thousands of years?" she said. "Thou art not unversed in the salacious ways of the upper crust, Twilight."

The purple alicorn blushed. She was naive, but not historically ignorant.  "But what if the nobles object?"

"To having an alicorn in their family?? Well then, in that unlikely event, there shalt be new noble houses in Equestria. Ones founded by alicorns. Any rate, thou art confident we shall find so many alicorns that this shall be an issue?"

Twilight "hmphed." "We used to have one alicorn Princess, when my parents were foals. Then we had two. Then you returned and we had three. Now we have nine. You tell me which way this trend is going." She shrugged. "Even if we don't find another alicorn for a thousand years, the number is only going up. Eventually the title of 'Princess'... or 'Prince'... is going to be as meaningless an honorific as 'the Princess of Whales' or 'Knight of the Bath.' "

"That is the intention," Luna muttered to herself. She and Celestia dreamed idly of the day when 'Princess' was no more reverent a title than 'librarian' or 'smith,' and she and her sister could move among their people without being feared or held in awe.

Twilight naturally didn't hear that. "And then there's the larger part of the plan, indefinitely expanding the lifespan of the average pony," she went on. "At Equestria's current birth rate, our food production will be insufficient to sustain our numbers within just a few--" the indigo hoof corked her mouth again.

"Twilight," Luna said as patiently as she could, "hast thou read of Malthus?" Twilight shook her head 'no.' "Malthus was a pony who lived a thousand years ago, prior to my own fall," Luna said. "He was a scholar and a philosopher and an economist-- though we had not that word for it back then--

"He was also an ignorant idiot, a misanthropist and a fool.

"He thought  famine and poverty made ponies virtuous. He proposed that ponies should be bred like cabbages for the most physically ideal results, and the physically inferior should be culled-- mind thee not that the pegasus would consider the earth pony 'inferior,' or that the unicorns thus regard the pegasi....  Worst, he was a buffoon who insisted that we would all starve to death because Celestia and I 'let' Equestria's population grow too fast, and that our numbers would exceed our farmers' ability to feed us all."

Twilight pulled Luna's hoof away from her mouth. "Oh, right, I read about him recently. He proposed a model he called 'the Parasprite Problem,' didn't he."

Luna nodded. " 'If parasprites double their numbers every hour, how long will it take a barrel half-full of parasprites to fill? Why, only one hour.'  This was supposed to be an analogy for how our own numbers would choke the life out of our land in a single generation, before we did realize it." She gave Twilight a shrewd look. "Pray tell, what was the problem with that picture?"

Twilight frowned, thinking it over... "Ponies aren't parasprites, Twilight," Luna finally said. "A pony doth not blindly breed, nor blindly consume. And parasprites do not farm, do not produce, do not create, do not innovate nor do they progress.

Twilight sat back. "But... was he really that far off?"

Luna deadpanned. "Twilight Sparkle, according to the scholarly predictions of Malthus, we all starved to death eight hundred years ago."

Twilight gaped, then snorted in laughter. "I'm guessing he left a few variables out of his equation," she snickered.

"Indeed," Luna said, her voice oozing sarcasm. "Malthus, the silly bugger, did not account for our farmers learning new and better ways to grow; he did not account for our ability to get more out of less land, or that we would have more land, period. He certainly did not account for the fact that, as our prosperity grew, our birth rate declined.... And even when the blessings of foals were abundant, we had more than a surfeit of food, and room, and love for all of them. I have lived thousands of years, Twilight; I have seen famines caused by war, by tyranny, by incompetence of economy, by ruinous taxation, but I am yet to see a famine caused by foals."

Twilight shuffled. "Still," she said. "Do we have a plan? Just in case?"

Luna grunted. "A few, and more than a few," she said. "But the chiefest among these is the faith in our little ponies to thrive, even in adversity."

"But--"

"Thinkest thou on this: how much of a handicap is placed upon us all, as a race, by the burden of old age? How much medicine, how many thousands of hours of labor and millions of bits, are spent upon shoring up aging, dying bodies? What is LOST to us-- how much wisdom and knowledge and experience and skill-- due to minds fading away? What great works are never made, songs never composed, masterpieces never painted, wonders never discovered, performances never played, due to sharp eyes growing dull, sharp ears going deaf, steady hooves and wings and horns growing feeble? Room and food for all the living? How much of a challenge will these truly be for us to solve, once our ponies are unshackled?

"Twilight, I will be raising the moon in..." Luna looked at the clock on the dresser and groaned. "In far too few hours. Look up at the sky and count the stars then, Twilight. Look at them, Twilight; a thousand thousand suns.... countless numbers of worlds lying fallow, waiting for us.

"They are ours for the taking--- if we do not shrink back."

Twilight blinked once, twice. Then, silently, she bowed and left the room.

As soon as she was out of sight Luna faceplanted in the pillows. "Maker, please," she groaned. "No more visitors..."

 

---

"Oh, um. Hello? Princess Luna?"

"ARgh."

"Eep! Oh, I'm very sorry..."

"blargh."

"...But the girls and I were going to order something up from the kitchen, if that's all right with you, and---"

"Arghlbargle."

"...Um. Never mind..."

"blurgh."

"...Are you sure you wouldn't like something yourse--"

"Garrrarrrrgh!"

".... eep! Right, never mind g'bye!"

"...Whimper..."

 

---

Luna awoke, once again. This time to... bouncing? The entire bed seemed to be jouncing up and down at regular intervals for no perceivable reason. Body aching with the agony of the unrested, she sat up and glared about. A certain pink, frizzy maned alicorn was using the bed as a trampoline. She was gaining some impressive height on each bounce, thanks to her wings-- passing above the strangely missing canopy and nearly touching the ceiling with her nose.

"Wakey wakey sleepyhead!" Pinkie Pie said.

"PINKIE!!" Luna yelled, her face red.

Pinkie paused in midair. "What?"

"I have to raise the moon in--" she looked at the clock. Oh no. She was late by half an hour! She scrambled to untangle herself from the covers.

"No ya don't," Pinkie said, still stuck in midair. Luna regarded her with surprise. "Princess Celestia already took care of that. She said you were gonna be kind of busy anyway."

"I am," Luna said fatalistically.

"Yup!" The pink pony resumed bouncing. "We already had the dress rehearsal for the coronation today while you were asleep, and since you were getting all  rested up Celestia said that there would be no better time than right now for you to give me my first lessons in controlling my special magic! Cause I really really wanna have a handle on it Ay-Ess-Ay-Pee, cause my family is gonna be arriving really soon and if they see I'm an alicorn now and I don't have a handle on my luck magic they're all gonna be like-- " here she slapped her hooves to her cheeks, bugged her eyes out and gave a drawn out wilhelm scream "-- and that would be bad..."

Luna faceplanted in the pillows, barely resisting the urge to scream as the pink pony-shaped superball continued to ramble.

And everyone thinks I'm the evil one, she thought.

 

---

1)Are you sensing a pattern? Good.

2)Pity her foalhood school teacher.

3)This was the plan--- Celestia would handle the panicking castle staff; Luna would handle the panicking princesses. Luna was going to regret letting her sister take first pick.

No. Seriously. It did.

The decorations were beautiful. The great hall was packed to capacity. The fanfare, the trumpets, the six princesses in their elegant white dresses, manes and tails bedecked with flowers(1), had paraded in step gracefully down the aisle(2) to accept their tiaras. All of their families were in the first rows; tears of pride and joy in every eye. The traditional parade down the main thoroughfare of Canterlot was a glorious spectacle as well, all six princesses were showered with streamers and rose petals by their adoring, if somewhat overwhelmed, public. It was an event that would be remembered for centuries after as one of the most glorious and extravagant events in Canterlot history.

Getting everything set up for it had been far more eventful.

 

---

The previous week...

The mane six were at the train station, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Royal Express. Celestia and Luna had arranged for  their families to be in Canterlot for the coronation, and the train ride was the last leg of the journey for all of them. The girls were all at the station, more or less incognito,(3) all but hopping with a blend of excitement, eagerness and nervousness.

The train-- a special engine, built exclusively for royal business--- pulled into the station in a cloud of steam at twelve on the dot. It was midnight blue with gold filigree, and symbols of the sun and moon prominent on the engine and every car. Guards could be seen on every car through the faintly tinted windows.

The first to disembark was, surprisingly, Spike. He was carrying Peewee and Owlowiscious on his shoulders. He immediately waddled over to Twilight and caught her in a hug, dislodging the two birds. "Twilight! I am so glad to see you!"

"Spike!" Twilight crowed, returning his hug enthusiastically. The baby dragon burped and winced, looking a little queasy. "Urf, not so tight," he said. "I kinda over-ate on the trip."

"What? You did?" Twilight frowned.

"He never could resist my ruby chip cookies," somepony said. Twilight looked up to see her mother and father stepping down out of the train, her mother carrying an obviously depleted picnic basket on her back. They all quickly mobbed in a group hug.

"Oh Twily, it's so good to see you," Velvet said, her eyes shining. "And..." she took in Twilight's carefully tucked-in wings. "My daughter an alicorn princess! I knew you had incredible things in your future, but this!..."

"I bet your brother's fit to be tied," chuckled Night Light. "He here yet?"

Twilight nodded. "He and Cadence arrived by balloon earlier today..."

The next car down disgorged a familiar trio: Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, and an exuberant Applebloom who was so excited she was bouncing like a superball. The yellow filly hit Applejack at a dead run, nearly bowling her over. Her big brother and grandmother followed at a more sedate pace. They were followed off the car by several more ponies with apple-themed cutie marks. And they were followed by several more. And several more after that....

"Apple Butter? Apple Brown Betty? Caramel Apple? Apple Sauce? Apple Dumplin'? Golden Delicious? Honeycrisp? Braeburn? Babs Seed? Red Delicious? Apple Tart? Great gumption, did the whole apple clan show up for this?" Applejack said, overwhelmed.

"Pritnear," Granny Smith cackled. "An' the Oranges are in the next car!... ooh, thankye, sonny," the Apple matriarch said to one of the Guards; he had appeared carrying her walker. He handed it to her with a bow and returned to his post.

Applejack couldn't help noticing that Granny looked tired under all her good cheer, or that she was walking more slowly than usual, favoring her bad hip.(4) For the first time Applejack saw the world through Celestia and Luna's eyes. Through the eyes of an alicorn.  Blessed with long, full lives and time in abundance-- forced to watch as their loved ones disappeared like mayflies, devoured by pain and sickness and debilitation. Their fate; Her fate, now.

Which is just? To kill, or to heal? To do harm, or to do good?

What risks would you take, what Hell would you dare march into, to buy back the years which were robbed from her?

...It would be a terrible wickedness... to not relieve the suffering of others....

Nature is change. It always has been. And it starts when we decide.

Hold on, Granny, Applejack thought. Just a little longer. So help me you'll be runnin' through the orchards with your great great great grandfoals, if'n I have anything at all to say about it.

Rarity's family could be seen disembarking in the midst of the crowd; they peeled away from the mob of Apples and joined the fashionista, trading hugs and nuzzles. Sweetiebelle was there, and like Applebloom was wound like a watchspring. Every sentence she spoke was practically nothing but a sequence of high pitched squeaks.

Further down the track, a much smaller reunion was taking place. a teal pegasus stallion with a rainbow tail and mane was cautiously descending the steps from the car. He was stocky, with that slightly sagging, heavy bellied build of a former high school athlete-- still hale but, as one might kindly put it, obviously past his prime. Alongside him was a mare with an orange and yellow mane. The two looked around the station apprehensively.

Rainbow Dash saw them. "Mom! Dad! Over here!!" She galloped to meet him, beaming.

The two pegasi looked up and saw her coming. their faces lit up with smiles, twenty years seemed to fall away. "There's my little Rainbow !" They hugged exuberantly. Rainbow Blaze, Dash's father, backed up a step, grinning. "Let me get a look at--" He paused, eyes crossing slightly as he looked at her new horn. "Hmm. That's gonna take some getting used to," he muttered.

"Tell me about it," Dash said, blowing a lock of her mane out of her face. "Didja have a good trip?"

"Heh, yeah," her father said with a laugh. "You should see the inside of the train. Swan-kee. And we had somepony to keep us company, too." At this, a familiar orange pegasus filly with a purple mane squeezed her way out between Dash's parents.

"Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo jumped off the bottom step and caught air. She landed with a fourfooted ker-klop in front of her idol, practically vibrating in glee. "Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh!" She squealed. "I can't believe it! You're really really REALLY an alicorn? Omigosh omigosh omigosh, like a hundred and twenty percent cooler! And... and you invited... me... to be at your crowning thingy..." At this last part the filly actually teared up.

Rainbow Blaze chuckled at the filly. "You shoulda seen her face when we stopped in Ponyville to pick her up. Thought she was gonna faint before they got her on the train."

Dash's mother beamed at them both. "Oh my yes. I spent the whole ride telling her all my stories about you when you were her age..."

At this Rainbow Dash turned a little green. "Oh jeez. All of them??" She sidled closer to her father. She shot a look around her to make sure nopony was close. "Even the.... 'Iddle Binky' story?"

Rainbow Blaze and his wife chuckled even more. "Especially the Iddle Binky story," he said. Rainbow Dash's groan of despair only made him laugh louder.

Scootaloo for her part seemed oblivious to the mention of Iddle Binky. "Wow, so this is really happening! So when do you start flying with the Wonderbolts, huh? Now they just gotta let you in. Did they get you your flight suit yet? When's your first performance---"

"Hey wait wait wait," Rainbow Dash said. "The Wonderbolts? What---" it sunk in what Scootaloo was saying. Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head with one hoof. "Oh. That." She cleared her throat. "Um... it doesn't look like I'm gonna be in the Wonderbolts, Scoot. Um. Ever."

Scootaloo stopped in mid flutter-hop and thunked to the ground. The look on her face was like she'd just been told Saturdays had been cancelled forever and that the only flavor of ice cream in the world was now brussels sprouts. "Whaaaat?"

Rainbow Dash gave a crooked grin. "YYYeah. I'm a Princess now. So they kinda work for me, now. And... it'd look wrong if I was flying around as one of them. Like I'd bought my way in with my crown, or something."  Besides, irony of ironies, she was an alicorn--- she was too good, now. She was stronger, faster, tougher and more agile than even the best of the Wonderbolts now, by a ridiculous margin. A quick day of trials at the Wonderbolts training camp had proven that. The Wonderbolts were a team, and even if she magically disguised herself she stuck out too far. She'd either have to fly at a fraction of her ability, or she'd have endangered her teammates with her sheer speed and power.(5)

That had been a bitter pill to swallow indeed. Dash had moped for two whole days after that. She'd maybe even cried a little. A little. When she was alone. Maybe. Aw heck, she'd bawled her stupid eyes out.

As it was, it looked like Scootaloo was about to burst into tears herself. "You're never gonna be a Wonderbolt?" she quavered. "Never?"

Immediately Rainbow Dash threw a wing around her and pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, hey, hey, it's not so bad. Really! Besides--" she looked around, then whispered in the filly's ear, "Wait'll I show you the compensation prize I get." Scootaloo's teary expression gave way for a mystified one.

Twilight Sparkle came over at that moment, Spike at her side, Owlowiscious and Peewee perched on her back. "Say Rainbow," she said. "Has Fluttershy's family made an appearance yet?" She peered over Dash's shoulder to where the butter-yellow alicorn stood meekly waiting.

Dash looked around. "Nah, I don't see 'em yet." She chuckled. "Believe me, you'll know 'em when you see 'em."

Rarity wandered over and joined them. "I couldn't help overhearing, darlings. I must say I am rather curious to see what her parents are like; she rarely talks about them." She paused thoughtfully. "Though granted she rarely talks at all, but still..."

Scootaloo giggled. "I bet her dad's real big and loud," she said, thinking of her own father. "A real big loud muscle-y type."

"Nah, no way," Spike said. "I bet it's her MOM that's big and loud. Like the fat lady in the opera."

"Spike...!" Twilight scolded.

"Well?" Spike cocked an eyebrow, arms folded.

Twilight relented. "It's almost sort of expected, isn't it." She looked at Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow Dash, you've known her longest..."

Rainbow Dash shook her head."Oh no, I'm not spillin' anything," she said with a smirk. "You ponies will just have to wait and see for yourselves."

Several other ponyvillians in the crowd had gravitated to the conversation. "I hope they're nice," Sweetiebelle said. "It'd be awful if they weren't, and that was the reason she's so shy.." the other cutie mark crusaders nodded.

"Well, I hate to say it," Twilight murmured, "but the way Fluttershy is, I get the feeling she had a... very demanding upbringing... probably very strict and heavy-hoofed parents." she eyed Rainbow Dash, waiting for a reaction. The rainbow-maned pegasus kept her poker face.(6) "Anyway, simple common sense and standard narrative tropes dictate that at least one member of her immediate family is loud, boisterous, rambunctious and extroverted, as justification for why she herself is so introverted and shy."

"Five bits says it's the Dad who's the loud one," Applejack said.

"My money's on the mother," Big Macintosh murmured. "it's allus the womenfolk in the family..." he made no further explanation. Applejack shot him a funny look but said nothing.

"Ah bet she has a whole big family of big loud types," Applebloom said.

"I think the poor dear comes from a broken home," Rarity said. She could never resist succumbing to a romantically tragic fantasy.

"Oh I want in on this action," somepony said. Bits and bets soon started exchanging hooves; somehow Pinkie Pie ended up holding the hat for all the wagers.

Everypony saw Fluttershy brighten and start trotting toward the train. "Shh shh shh! Here they come," somepony else whispered. Every pony on the boardwalk fell silent, leaning forward and waiting with bated breath for Fluttershy's parents to step down off the train. Everyone held their breath... then everyone blinked. And blinked again.

The first pony to appear was...a butter yellow pegasus mare with a flowing pink mane and tail. She was wearing a sun hat, shades, and a pair of saddlebags with a potted flower sticking out of them. Her mane was done up in a loose bun on the back of her neck, and her cutie mark was of three blooming flowers, but otherwise she was almost indistinguishable from Fluttershy.(7) "Flutters!" she called in delight.... in a tiny, whispery voice that rivaled Fluttershy's own.

"Mommy!" Fluttershy said, running forward to nuzzle with her. After a moment she stepped back, looking apprehensive. "Could Daddy make it? I.. I know he's awful busy at work..."

"For this? He wouldn't miss it for the world," her mother said. "Honey?" She looked back into the train car. "Are you there?"

The crowd on the platform waited with bated breath. This was it.

Right behind Fluttershy's mother was... a butter yellow pegasus stallion with a pink mane and tail. He was wearing a bow tie, and his cutie mark was of three white puffs of cloud. He disembarked with a sheepish smile. "Hello, baby doll," he said in a (you guessed it) soft, meek voice. "Give us a hug?..." he paused. "... If you don't mind, that is..."

Fluttershy giggled and gave him a hug and a nose-nuzzle. Both their noses squeaked. (8)  "Oh, and your brother came too, of course--"

"Okay, this has gotta be it," Applebloom said. Everypony held their breath and leaned forward again.

Fluttershy looked behind her father. "Oh, my," she said, surprised. "Hello, little brother. MY, how you've grown." Out of the shadows of the train stairwell stepped--

--A butter yellow pegasus colt with a pink mane. He regarded the crowd out on the platform with wide, fawn-like eyes, then ducked behind his father, blushing...

SweetieBelle stood on her friends' shoulders. "OH COME ON!" she yelled. Rainbow Dash fell to the floor, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

"Well, that's that," Pinkie said. "Looks like Babs wins the pot. She bet on 'just like her family...'

Babs took the hatful of bits and hoof-pumped. "Yeah!" She said, giving Applebloom a hoof-bump. "Ice cream's on me, Crusaders!"

Fluttershy jumped--- actually, her whole family jumped-- and turned around. "Oh! Um, everyone? This is my family." Her nose crinkled. "This is my mother, Rose Petal-- she's Cloudsdale's best botanist and gardener."

"Um, hello?" the older mare said, hiding a bit behind the brim of her hat."Actually, I'm the only botanist and gardener in Cloudsdale..."

"And this is my father, Gossamer Cloud," Fluttershy continued. "He's a cloud sculptor and architect." The pegasus stallion grinned awkwardly at everyone.

"Botany? In Cloudsdale? Interesting," Twilight said. "How do you grow anything, though?"

"Hydroponics, actually," Rose Petal said. Her cheeks turned pink.(9) "It's how her father and I met," she said. "I wanted some way to grow flowers in Cloudsdale so badly, and he--"

"And I, ah, came up with a way to do it," Gossamer Cloud said, a hint of pride in his quiet voice. "Just thicken the clouds, mix in some plant food, and the flowers will get their food and water right out of the cloud."

"Interesting," Twilight said, even as she quietly made note to keep a lookout for any discolored rainclouds in the future.

"And my baby brother Breezy Shy, but we all call him Bishi for short," Fluttershy said. "Come on out and say hi, Bishi." She nosed the reluctant colt out from behind her father.

'Bishi' stumbled out into the open, blinking awkwardly. There was no other word for it: the colt was pretty. He had the same flowing mane and tail as his older sister (trimmed short in a boy's cut, though), the same large dewy wet eyes, and once he'd caught his balance he was every bit as graceful as his older sister. He had no cutie mark, and had a peachy-soft look to him nopony could fail to notice. He was so girly and sweet looking he practically sparkled.

He found himself staring at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The four blank flank fillies stared back.  He brightened up and smiled. "Oh, there are some pretty girls here in Canterlot!" He blurted out. He seemingly realized he'd said that aloud and turned bright red, curling up on himself and batting his ebony lashes.

"Oh! Now Bishi, that was very forward of you," Rose Petal scolded with a voice as harsh as cotton swabs. "Now apologize."

"I'm sorry," Bishi said, his blush spreading up his face and down his neck.

"Oh my," Fluttershy said. "You'll have to forgive him. He can be very brash and straightforward..."

The four girls got the strangest expressions on their faces. It took a moment for the older siblings and Dash to place it; it was alarmingly similar to the look they'd gotten the time Pinkie Pie had plunked a jumbo triple-decker chocolate sundae in front of the four them and handed each one a spoon.  Dang, Applejack thought. They look like they're about to ask where the whipped cream is. Applebloom looked up at her sister. "Can we keep him?" she asked, her eyes sparkling and an alarming grin on her face.

"Say what?" Applejack said, cocking an eyebrow. And smirking.

Applebloom realized what she said. her cheeks bloomed red. "Ah, I, ah, meant can we take him.... To... the ice cream shop in the station! Yeah. Um, to.. get to know him better. And. Stuff. Babs, you're still buyin' right?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," the city filly said, not taking her eyes off the shy colt.

Sweetiebelle looked at Bishi's mother. "If that's all right with you...?" she asked, her own grin framed by powder pink cheeks.

"Oh, um, I suppose...?"

"Great!" The quartet of fillies immediately surrounded the hapless pegasus colt. "C'mon, Let's go..." They herded him down the station platform, giggling; he looked back over their heads at the crowd of grownups, confusion and alarm plain on his face. The last they heard was a bewildered, Fluttershy-like "squeak" before the group vanished around the corner.

The mane six and their families watched them go; most of them didn't know whether to "squee" at the cuteness or laugh their flanks off at the colt's bewilderment. Twilight chuckled and tossed Spike a couple of bits. "Do us all a favor, Spike," she said. "Go follow them and make sure poor Bishi doesn't end up like Smarty Pants almost did. If they ask, you're just buying a ginger pop to settle your stomach."

"Can do, Twilight," Spike said, saluting. He waddled off after the foals.

Twilight shook her head and looked over at Pinkie Pie. The pink alicorn was looking at the train with a certain wistfulness; her mane hadn't gone flat, but it was looking rather droopy. "Is everything all right, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

Pinkie smiled and shook her head. "I'm okay, Twilight," she said. "I... I kind of hoped my family would come, too, but I guess--"

"Pinkamena?"

Pinkie turned. Standing on the platform was a quintet of ponies; a tan stallion with a gray mane, a gray mare with her mane in a bun, a shawl and granny spectacles on her nose, and three younger mares Pinkie's own age, in varying shades of gray. The one in the granny glasses had a box balanced across her back. All five of them had an apprehensive look in their eyes.

"Pinkamena, is that you?" the older mare said again.

"Don't know as who else it could be with that mane and cutie mark, Mother," the stallion said, doffing his pilgrim hat. His face was worried and careworn, but he smiled at Pinkie all the same.

Pinkie's eyes started to water. "You came...?"

Her father nodded. "I reckon we did," he said laconically.

 

---

There was a sound like the crack of thunder. The windows in the old farm house rattled like castanets. There was a loud "Boom" as something struck the ground outside hard enough to form a crater ten feet wide. The family patriarch warily opened the door a crack and peeked out, pitchfork at the ready.

Standing on the front porch, shaking the gravel off her hooves was a snow white alicorn mare with a fashionably styled purple mane and tail. She dusted off the hem of her elegant gown, primped her hair and kicked the door open with one dainty hoof, sending the pony behind it flying.

"HEL-lo, Mister Pie," she said, stepping through the door and addressing the prone rock farmer sprawled against the far wall with a smile as dazzling as her sapphire earrings. "My name is Princess Rarity. (Oh I do love saying that! Hee!) I'm here to let you know that you and your family are cordially invited to the royal coronation of the Princesses of Harmony, including the coronation of your own wonderful daughter Princess Pinkamena Pie."

The elegant and vaguely terrifying mare stepped into the middle of the room. "Oh do come out, everypony, there's no need to be uncivilized." Slowly the rest of the family came out from behind the overturned furniture where they had taken cover. "There, you see? I just want you to know that dear Pinkamena harbors no ill will, in fact nothing would make her happier than to see you there on her very special day.

"And nothing would make her unhappier than if her family were to SHUN her and not make an appearance." The mare stuck out a pouty lip. "And if poor Pinkie were to be unhappy...

"That would make the rest of us... very... VERY.... UPSET!" Lightning crashed outside. Eldritch lightning crackled down the alicorn's horn and sprayed from her mantled wings, throwing the shadows of the room into high relief. After a few moments the sizzling lightning faded away. The alicorn minced over to the rough-cut dining room table and laid a stack of train tickets out in a neat little fan. "Those are your train tickets; all five of you I believe? Yes. The Royal Express will be by the local train station on the time and date listed, do be there. Come as you are. Oh, and don't worry about accommodations, they have guest rooms at the palace. Ta!"

With that, she gracefully stepped out of the house and leapt into the sky, leaving the rock farming family to mop the puddles on their floor, look over their tickets, and memorize the date and time VERY carefully.

She never even noticed the four other hoofprint-bottomed impact craters scattered around the farmstead...

 

 

---

"We, uh, kind of got the hint we should come," one of her sisters said.

Pinkie took a step toward them. "...I thought you didn't want anything to do with me--- because of the Jinx," she said. "That's why you sent me away..."

Her father looked pained. "I reckon it's our fault you thought that," he said.

"We sent you away to protect you, Pinkamena,"  her mother said. "Folks knew the Jinx ran in our family. They left us alone so long as they thought nopony in our family had it anymore, but once we saw it in you... we sent you someplace we thought you'd be safe from... that kind of cruelty." She huffed. "Ponyville's always been a harbor for odd doin's, even before all this Nightmare-- Elements-- Discord-- whatever business. We figured the Jinx wouldn't be so obvious there."

"B-but the invitation?"

Her sisters looked like they were ready to cry themselves. "We didn't respond to your invitation because you're a princess now," one of the daughters said. "We were afraid that if anyone knew you were related to a bunch of dusty old rock farmers, they'd use it against you."

"Especially if they knew it was a bunch of Jinxed rock farmers..." her sister added.

That did it. Pinkie started gushing tears. She all but flung herself at her family, catching them all in a bear hug. "I don't care if you're a bunch of dusty old rock farmers," she sobbed. "You're MY dusty old rock farmers, and if anypony doesn't like that they can bite my plot!"

"Pinkamena! Mind your language," Mother Pie scolded. "You're a princess now--!"

"Don't care!"

A minute or two passed with a great number of tears among the family, and more than a few hankies among the watchers on the platform. Pinkie sniffled. "And-- aren't you scared now.... cause I'm an alicorn now, and all magicky and stuff...?"

"Yea verily, right out of my breeches,"(10)  her father confessed. "But... I have faith we can learn to cope..."

"Well you don't need to be," Twilight said, stepping up. "Pinkie isn't 'Jinxed', Mr and Mrs. Pie. She's just got a very unusual and very special gift.  And Princess Luna herself has taken her as her own personal pupil, so that she can learn how to use it better."

"Well, that's.... good," Father Pie said. He carefully refrained from noting that his daughter was receiving magical instruction from the former Nightmare Moon. Well, one can't have everything perfect in this world, he reflected. I guess if you don't want somepony to go down a bad road, one could do worse for guidance than somepony who had, how was the saying? Who had already seen the elephant... He looked at Twilight seriously. "We thank you all for looking after my little filly," he said. "And," he added under his breath, "For scaring a little common sense into us..."

Twilight and the others did their best to look innocent.(11)

"Oh, Pinkie!" the eldest daughter took the box her mother had been carrying. "We baked you a surprise. Your favorites!"

Pinkie gasped. "For me?" She tore open the box; nestled inside were two dozen dark chocolate cupcakes with bright red frosting. "Oh you guys-- you remembered! Twilight, you gotta try one, these are my Mom's special recipe!"

Twilight smiled. "Well... Pinkie's the best darn baker in Ponyville. It'd be foolish to pass up a cupcake made by the pony that taught her..." she plucked a single cupcake out of the box and popped it in her mouth. "Mmm, rich and moist---"

Her eyes suddenly started gushing tears. Her cheeks bulged, her face turned brilliant red. She leapt into the air, hooves flailing, as her mane burst into flame. She hit the ground running and vanished around the corner--- presumably headed for the ice cream parlor and hopeful relief from the flames. They heard her howl in the distance.

"Gee," said the youngest Pie. "I guess she doesn't like Tabasco frosting."

"Yeah," said Pinky, grabbing a cupcake herself and chewing. "Go figure."

 

---

1)the dour moon princess had complained that "it looked like some ancient pagan fertility ritual." Till both Rarity and Fluttershy had given her a double barreled dose of the Sad Puppy Dog Eyes. The flowers stayed.

2)Yes, even Pinkie Pie. Rarity had even managed to give her a hairdo-- her mane cascading down one side of her neck in a waterfall of curls. It actually lasted through the whole ceremony.

3)Which for six alicorn mares generally meant leaving behind all the royal jewelry and most of the guards, and covering either their horns or their wings. Hats or saddlebags were de rigeur whenever they went out these days. Of course even that was overkill sometimes; it was surprising how long it took some ponies to notice they had both wings and horns. Of course the fact that they weren't twice as tall as everypony else and their manes and tails didn't flow in nonexistent breezes helped a bit, too...

4)The first thing Applejack had put on her schedule was an appointment with the royal surgeons, right after the coronation. Granny wasn't going back home till she had that new hip, doggone it, if Applejack had to hog tie her and deliver her to the doctors herself.

5)Picture a team of WWII flying tigers trying to incorporate an F-15 in their group.

6)It was a lousy poker face. It consisted of her biting her lip and holding her breath, looking like she was about to explode.

7)Well, and the horn. But you knew about that.

8)Three guards promptly collapsed from insulin shock.

9)And there went five more.

10)He didn't own any britches, but that's just quibbling.

11)And failed miserably.

The five foals were all at a table in the train station sweet shoppe. the pink-maned colt on one side of the round table, picking away shyly at his ice cream, the four girls more or less on the other.

Spike was at the counter, nursing a tall glass of ginger pop and watching the goings on at their table. It had been an interesting detente, at first; all four of the fillies trying to sit right next to Breezy Shy at the same time (and prevent any of the others from doing so) while he studiously labored to sit as far away from any of them as possible. For a minute it looked like a serious scuffle might break out but when the ice cream had arrived, they'd all taken their seats. By some unspoken consensus they'd all ended up in their current arrangement, the colt on one side, the fillies on the other, giggling and favoring him with looks as gooey as the sundaes melting in front of them.

"So.... do you come here often?" Applebloom said. She thought over what she said. "To. Um... the ground. I mean. Away from Cloudsdale..." She resisted the urge to facehoof.

"Oh. Um. Not usually," Bishi said, his voice barely above a whisper. "We're thinking of moving to Misty Mountain. It's high enough that the mountain pokes through the clouds, so Mom could plant her flowers on real ground."

"What sorta flowers does your mom plant?" Babs asked.

"Oh, all kinds," Bishi said, smiling. Babs felt her knees turn to water.(1) "She especially likes growing ones from Everfree Forest. It's where she got Snapdragon."

"Snapdragon?" The girls asked in unison.

 

---

"Say, Ma'am, that there's an interesting flower you got there," Applejack said. She poked a hoof at the potted plant in Rose Petal's saddlebag. "I ain't never seen one quite like--- Yyeeowch!" She yanked her hoof back as the exotic bloom suddenly growled, sprouted teeth and snapped at her.

"Snapdragon! For shame, snapping at one of the princesses!" Rose Petal scolded. "For shame!" The fanged bloom looked decidedly unrepentant. It growled and crouched down in its terracotta pot. "I'm sorry, Princess Applejack; he must be feeling temperamental from the long trip...."

"Ah'll keep that in mind," the farmpony said, backing away wide-eyed.

"Oh that reminds me, sweetie," Rose Petal said to her daughter. "We had an eensy bit of trouble with Angel. While my back was turned he went and chewed on Audrey..."

"Oh dear!" Fluttershy covered her mouth with her hooves.

"Oh it's all right. We got Audrey to spit him right back out," Rose Petal said with a cheery smile. "So no harm done."

 

---

"...I'm just glad she replants them in the Everfree when they get too big," Bishi said.

"Remind me to never go on a walk through your garden," Scootaloo said.

"So how excited are you to have your sister become an alicorn princess?" Sweetiebelle squeaked, crinkling her nose at Bishi. "I'm so excited I think I could burst!"

"Yes," Bishi said. "It's... nice."

The girls stared at him. "He's Fluttershy's baby brother all right," Applebloom said. " 'Nice?'"

"D-don't get me wrong," Bishi said hastily. "It's awesome that Fluttershy's an alicorn and a princess. It's just that... I..." he looked down and sighed.

"I'm scared of how things will change.

"We don't see each other often as it is," he said. "Now that she's a princess, she'll be living in Canterlot all the time. And she'll be busy with princess stuff."

"Yeah," Applebloom said. It suddenly dawned on her that Applejack was in the same boat. She'd be... she'd be leaving. She wouldn't be living at the farm any more.  Oh, Granny and Big Mac had said she'd be back at the farm all the time, as much as possible-- but how much often could that really be?

Sweetie's smile was fading away too. What would happen to the Carousel Boutique? And who would Sweetiebelle stay with when her parents went on their many business trips? Would Rarity forget all about her?

"Hey, c'mon, all youse mopey ponies," Babs said suddenly. "It's not like they're gonna be a jillion miles away or nuttin.' They'll be right in Canterlot, just a train ride away, right? And they're all magical now! They could just teleport from the castle right to your livin' rooms whenever they want!" She reached across the table and thumped Breezy Shy in the shoulder. "Hey, I bet Fluttershy'll visit youse all the time now. Just 'poof', and she'll go from Canterlot ta Cloudsdale!"

The others brightened a bit at this. "That's right," Sweetiebelle said. "They can visit us in a blink of an eye now."

"But what if ponies won't let them?" Applebloom fretted.

Scootaloo snorted. "They're princesses now. They can pretty much do whatever they want!"

"If they still want to," Bishi said quietly. His dewy blue eyes filled with worry. "What if being an alicorn changes them? I mean... with all that magic and immortality and stuff they could start getting all weird--"

At that moment Twilight Sparkle burst into the ice cream shop. She was ranting and hooting and gabbling in what sounded like demented Zebrican, eyes and nose gushing, smoke pouring out of her mouth and ears. She ran to the counter, dancing a mad tarantella, and threw down a hoof full of bits. " Gimme I'cree, hot hot hot HOT HOT--'nilla! Nilla I'cree!"

The pony behind the counter shrank back, holding up his icecream scoop defensively. "Wha wha, hu how much? A cone? Two scoops?"

"ALL OB ID!" Twilight screamed, pointing a hoof at the tub behind the counter. The soda jerk jumped and scrambled to hoof over the freshly opened bucket. As soon as it was up on the counter, Twilight grabbed it. She rammed her entire head in, mouth wide open. Steam rolled up; she sagged in relief, the only signs of life the occasional "blurp" as she gulped her way to the bottom.

The foals stared silently at the spectacle. "Well," Sweetiebelle said finally, "She seems about the same..."

After a minute or so Twilight surfaced for air. "Aaahhhhhh. Ahem. Towel, please?"  The soda jerk quietly handed her a clean damp bar towel and carefully backed away. "For future reference," she announced to all present, her voice muffled by the towel as she mopped off her face, "Don't eat any of Mother Pie's special recipe cupcakes."

"Tabasco frosting, right?" Applebloom said. "Pinkie entered them in the bake-off once."

Twilight stared, but refrained from commenting. "Say, why all the long faces?" she asked, dropping the towel on the counter.

Spike butted in. "They're kind of worried that you girls are gonna change and drift away, now that you're alicorns," he said. The foals glared at him. "What? I'm sitting five feet away. I'm supposed to go deaf now?"

"Oh, kids," Twilight said kindly, "ponies change all the time. It's called growing up. But that doesn't mean they're not the same pony. Rarity and Fluttershy and Applejack and yes, Rainbow Dash--" this was directed at Scootaloo-- "will always love you and be there for you."

"Even when you're all busy with Princess stuff?" Applebloom said doubtfully. She came from a family of hard workers, and her sister was the picture of a workaholic; she knew darn well that Applejack could forget everything else in the world once she got set into something that needed doing. And princesses always had something that needed doing.

"Even then," Twilight reassured. At the same time though, the thought tickled at the back of her mind. She was reminded that to the foals, this ascendance didn't mean a grand adventure. It meant that their big sisters-- and big sister stand in, in the case of Rainbow Dash-- were going away. Maybe for years, on this quest. Promises of frequent visits and letters were a sorry bandage for that.

The gears and wheels in Twilight's mind began to turn. Maybe she had an idea to help with that...

 

---

It was the evening after the coronation. The Coronation Gala (2) was underway, and every noblepony in Equestria was in attendance. The new princesses were circulating amongst the dukes, duchesses, counts and barons and lords and ladies, making everypony's acquaintance(3) and subjecting themselves to more social stress than most of them had experienced in their entire lives before. To be fair, some of them were experiencing less stress than others. Twilight Sparkle was in a private discussion with Princess Celestia, Luna and a certain other individual, Applejack and Rainbow Dash didn't give two toots what the fancy-pants ponies thought of them.

Rarity, of course, was having the time of her life.

"Why hello, Darlings!"  she said, swanning her way to a sizeable clique of fussily dressed ponies on the ballroom floor. "Are you all having fun?"

There was no mistaking her real reason for singling out that particular group; Prince Blueblood was there in the midst of them. She had spotted his blow-dried mane from across the room and had zeroed in. His expression when he'd seen her heading his way had been priceless; it was what one might see on the face of a shipwrecked sailor when he looks up and sees fins slicing the water. "Ahh, Prince Blueblood, how nice to see you again!"

Blueblood looked as if he was strangling on his cravat. "To what do we owe your charming presence...." he choked a moment. "...Princess Rarity?"

"Oh well, I'm just going about, meeting and greeting and getting to know everyone," she said casually. She flicked her fan about casually in her magic. "Though it is nice to see a familiar face in the crowd, isn't it, Blueblood dear." She crinkled her nose at him.

"You know Prince Blueblood?" One of the other dissipated young nobles standing with him said. "Er. That is to say, from... before?"

"Before my ascension," Rarity finished for him. "Oh, of course! Why he was my escort for the Grand Galloping Gala, weren't you dear?" The last time Blueblood had seen a smile like that, he'd been at the Canterlot aquarium and it had come with a fin over top of it. "Oh, that does make quite the story to tell..."

"Oh well, you know, old times gone by and all that," Blueblood said, laughing nervously, his eyes pleading. "I must say it was quite the honor to attend the coronation.."

"You attended? How nice," Rarity said. She knew quite well that he'd attended; she even knew the exact moment he'd seen and recognized her. When she'd passed his seat on her walk down the aisle he'd made a sound like someone stepping on a baby seal. "Why the other girls will be delighted to know you were there. Especially Applejack, I'm sure."

"Applejack...?" Blueblood said carefully. He sounded like he was trying to speak a foreign language.

"Surely you remember her." Rarity paused, for just a half a heartbeat. Her smile never faltered. "You spit her food on the floor and told her it was 'common carnival fare.' "

"IIiiieee..."

"You do recall. It was shortly after you used my cloak to mop a spill on the floor, and just before the cake--" She tsked. "Oh dear, memories do tend to slip. I'm sure Princess Applejack can refresh your memory. Ah there she is!" She started to wave a hoof.

"Oh my is that Duke Wellington?" Blueblood exclaimed in a terrified falsetto. "Oh do excuse me everyone I fear I have some important business involving boots to discuss if you will please excuse me..." He didn't so much hurry away as frantically scuttle, his hooves skidding on the tile floor in his haste to be quit of this particular fresh slice of hell.(4)

"What a shame," Rarity sighed, watching him go. "That's the life of a prince, one supposes-- busy busy busy." She gave a sidelong glance to the rest of Blueblood's erstwhile circle, taking quiet note of the ones who looked embarrassed, aghast at the slaughter they'd just witnessed, or who were suppressing smirks of malevolent glee. "Oh do lighten up, everypony," she teased in a lowered voice, fetching a drink from a passing waiter and knocking it back in one go. "I'll let him off the hook eventually... but I wouldn't be pony if I didn't tweak him just a little." The others chuckled and the tension lowered a bit. "Now, do please introduce yourselves, I do want to get to know you all..."

 

---

Twilight ducked back out onto the balcony, letting the french door swing shut behind her. "Well, Rarity seems to be having fun," she said.

Celestia chuckled. "Well, I'm glad to hear that, at least," she said. "Now, what precisely did you pull us out here to discuss?"

"Indeed," said Discord irritably. "I'm missing out on the canape's."

Twilight regarded the draconequus thoughtfully. It was strange, after all that happened, how comfortable she felt around the chaos entity. Maybe it was just time and experience. Maybe it was Fluttershy's influence, and Discord's sincere, if somewhat fitful, desire to reform.

Maybe it was the heavy rune-engraved iron collar clamped around his neck that diminished his power to a mere trickle, and which could turn him back to stone in an instant if he broke his parole.(5)

"Oh cease thy prattle, Discord," Luna said. "Thou didst consume seven hors d'oeuvre trays alone already."

"So?"

"So thou left the treats and ate the trays!"

"Exactly. Sterling silver, absolutely not filling..."

Celestia shook her head. "Anyway, Twilight; you were saying?"

Twilight bit her lip and took a deep breath. She searched for the words to start. "I want you to know-- I agree with 'The Plan,' " she said, making quote marks in the air with her hooves. "We need to find the alicorns. We need to find the cure. I just want to make sure that this... that this expedition is one hundred percent necessary."

Celestia regarded her pupil. "How do you mean?" She asked carefully. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know; her former student had developed a disconcerting habit of dropping metaphorical bombs at her feet.

Twilight paced back and forth. "I mean, have we already exhausted all other options?" she said. "The... what did you call the Senescence Cure, Princess?"

"We threw around a few names--" Celestia said.

"I wanted to call it 'Bob,' " Discord interjected.

"--But we decided on calling it the Panacea," Celestia said, rolling her eyes in annoyance at Discord.

"Whaaaat? Bob is a perfectly decent name..."

"The Panacea. Do we absolutely have to have the power of alicorns, of an alicorn race, to create it? I mean, we have unicorn magic, pegasus magic, earth pony magic, dragon magic, zebra magic, we have the elements of Harmony, the phoenixes, the wild magic of the Everfree-- surely there's some magical plant or other in there-- " She waved her hoof at Discord. "We have a draconequus, for pony's sakes, a creature who can alter reality at a whim.... "

"Believe me, Twilight, we researched all those avenues," Celestia said. "Many held promise. The phoenixes in particular. Poor Philomena; I think I plucked more feathers out of her tail for experimental potions than I can count. And I think Luna and I both picked at least three of every plant in the Everfree..."

"Tis not a matter of sheer power, Twilight," Luna explained. "But a matter of mindpower. Hooves to share the workload, minds to pursue all the possible avenues of discovery." She sighed. "We have mortal ponies scattered all over the world, doing their own research. But their lifespans are so brief-- they barely have time to learn anything before another need be found to carry on their work. This is work for those who have more than a few years, and more magic than a single unicorn can muster. And we are too few in number to do all the work..."

"And too few to make up a proper study sample, for anypony trying to figure out alicorn immortality," Twilight said. "I know. But..." she shot an accusing glare at Discord. "Well, what about him? Can't he just--- snap his fingers and make a potion or a fountain of youth or something?"

Discord snorted. "Just because Chaos magic seems to have no rules, doesn't mean it has no limits," he said disdainfully. He tapped the restraining collar around his neck. "Case in point.

"Among other things, it's Chaos magic. Which means it's unpredictable. Sure, I can get the general result I want, but Chaos magic always does its own thing, to some degree. Remember the soup tureen?"

"Yes, I remember the soup tureen," Twilight said dryly. At their first informal "friendly dinner" with the reformed Draconequus, he had animated the tableware to serve the meal. She vividly recalled the sensation of soup being sprayed up her nose by an irate ceramic fish. To this day Discord insisted the soup tureen had assaulted her with soup of its own accord.

"Well there you go. I could try to whip up a fountain of youth, or a potion of youth, or a magic live-forever fruit, or what have you. For that matter, I have... I've been a good little boy and been helping Tia and Lulu out in the lab. But the results..." for a moment the draconequus looked disappointed and disgusted.

Celestia nodded. "Sometimes it made the person who took it age backwards... younger and younger, till they were infants. Other times they were trapped in time, living in super slow motion. Or they'd turn into a bristlecone pine. Or  it wore off in mere minutes. Or it would backfire sometimes, aging them decades...and those were the pleasant results." She shuddered. "We spent more time undoing the effects than actually doing anything."

"And his particular magical knowledge, while vast, isn't really useful in our research," Luna said. "'Tis just... too different."

"Yes. You see--" Discord was suddenly wearing a painters smock and fedora and holding a brush and painters' mortarboard "--- Chaos magic is more of an art than a science..."  he proceeded to paint one of the statues on the balcony in polka dots and checkerboards. "In fact it seems to get irritable if you try to get all science-y with it." He said the last in a flat voice as he regarded his work. "Bleh. I wanted stripes."

"Hard to do lab work when you try to add two and two and keep getting 'potato,' " Celestia admitted.

"I thought so. I just had to ask, to be sure." Twilight lowered her head. She was startled by the feel of Discord's paw resting on her withers. She looked up at him in surprise. "Believe me, Twilight Sparkle," he said, his voice unnaturally solemn. "If I could just snap my fingers and change this, I would. It's not the kind of thing that chaos magic can do."

Is he really sincere? she thought in astonishment.

Celestia's voice filled her mind. Yes, he is, Twilight, she said. Fluttershy's friendship with him, as trite and insincere as it may have seemed, has affected him deeply. Why do you imagine he was so petty and carelessly cruel? For tens of thousands of years, before Luna and I were even born, he has remained utterly alone and friendless, because he knew that any friendship he had with a mortal creature would be gone in a blink of his eye. For a moment Celestia looked pitying. Fluttershy's friendship only had to be the slightest bit sincere to pierce his armor and break his heart. Love can be a terrible and frightening thing, even in the weakest of doses.

Twilight was profoundly moved.

Be that as it may, you had more you wished to discuss with us I believe? Celestia said with a twinkle in her eye. I think Discord is getting impatient.

"I'm right here you know," he said, annoyed.

"Sorry. And moving on to my next question. Or problem. Whatever."

"Which is?" Celestia asked.

"I'm not sure I like splitting up the Elements of Harmony," Twilight said. She started to pace again. "In fact, I don't like it at all. That handicaps Equestria's single greatest defense. And I know we're all alicorns now but... only two of us have any training with magic, and it's going to take years to get the others up to par on their elementary magic. Much less teaching them how to find emergent or nascent alicorns... which brings up another thing..."

"Is she always this..." Discord's face screwed up in distaste. "Analytical?"

"She and her friends defeated you, you tell me," Celestia said, amused.

 

---

"To retrieve your missing elements just make sense of this change of events. Twists and turns are my master plan. Then find the elements back where you began." Discord vanished in a puff of fuschia scented smoke.

The elements gathered in a huddle. "Okay, that first part about twists and turns..." Rainbow Dash said. "It's gotta be that big hedge maze I saw outside--"

Twilight groaned. "No Dash, it's not the hedge maze," she said, her eyebrows in a level line.

"Well how do you know--" Dash began belligerently.

"Because it's a riddle and that's the first thing that comes to mind. Trust me, I know riddles, I've read every bit of riddle folklore in the library and It's NEVER the first thing that comes to mind," Twilight said. "Riddles are always about what you DON'T expect. The most important part of a riddle, nine times out of ten, is the last part, because it puts a twist on the end that changes the meaning of the the rest. Hedge mazes don't end 'back where you began'--- they end in the middle. Regular mazes start on one end and finish on the other. So it's not a maze... besides, he said it's where WE all began."

Applejack ruminated on this. "She's right," she said. "So... where did we begin?"

 

---

"I stood waiting in that stupid maze for nearly an hour," Discord grumbled. " While they teleported back to that library and dug out that book. Turned around and there they were, all decked out in their elements..."

"We know," Luna said smugly. "We saw the expression on thy petrified face. It was priceless."

"In other words, yes, she's always like this," Discord said dryly.

"Well, yes. She got a lot more assertive about that sort of thing after the, ah, Crystal Empire incident," Celestia temporized. "You should have seen how she reacted when she found out about your 'flip-mind' trick you always used. She was rather upset that I hadn't let her know you could poke around in somepony's brain like that."

Discord smirked. "Yeah, that was a good gag..." he reminisced.

"Well," Celestia went on. "That was nothing compared to the shakeup from Winter Wrap-Up..."

 

---

"But snow melts."

"Ayeah?" Applejack said suspiciously.

"Look, This has been bugging me... I didn't say anything but..." Twilight shook her head and went on."Okay, look, I can buy having to wake up all the hibernating animals and guiding the birds back; around here they're all practically Fluttershy's pets anyway. I can buy building nests for the birds even though they can make their own, because hey, we still make birdhouses, right?  I can even buy shoveling snow off the rooftops-- that's something everypony should do regularly in winter anyway if it gets too deep. I can buy plowing the streets. But shoveling snow off the FIELDS? That's ridiculous!"

"Why?"

"Because SNOW MELTS!"

Applejack cocked an eyebrow. "So what's yer point, Twi?"

"My point? Would you just---" Twilight facehooved, and started over. "Applejack. What do you do with the snow that you plow off the fields?"

"Well, we just pile it up in big heaps over yonder--"

"And what happens to it?"

Applejack shot her a sarcastic look. "It melts, Twilight. I get that."

"When the Pegasi move the clouds and let the stronger sunshine through," Twilight added. Applejack nodded. "Which it would do anyway if you just left it there! In fact it would melt faster if you left laid out on the fields than if you heap it in big piles!"

"But we need t' get down to the soil and plant new grass and flowers!"

"Only because you scrape them off every time you run those plows over them! Leave the snow be, let it melt, and it'll water the grass and flowers and all the seeds they dropped last year. And plants might grow a little better if you weren't scraping all the topsoil off, too! And look at this--" the exasperated unicorn started digging through the bags of seeds Caramel had brought. "TREE seeds? Maybe you didn't notice but those are kind of PERENNIAL...."

"But Twilight, if we don't get rid of the snow, the meltoff will make the river flood and flood out all the poor little forest animals--"

"BUT THE SNOW MELTS ANYWAY, NO MATTER WHERE YOU PILE IT, Fluttershy! It all ends up in the river anyway! ARGH!" Twilight waved her hooves in the air in frustration. "What idiot pony came UP with this Winter Wrapup program??"

"Hey now, don't y'all be talkin' like that about ol' Sandwich..." Applejack said, her voice lowering dangerously.

"Sandwich??" Twilight asked.

"Soup Sandwich, the first mayor of Ponyville," Applejack  said. "You seen his statue in the town square."

Twilight paused. "The one wearing pants."

"Ayep."

"On his head."

There was a brief pause as Applejack, for the first time, reflected on the advisability of trusting the wisdom of a pony who routinely wore his trousers for a hat. "...Um... ayep."

Twilight gave her a thousand yard stare. "I'm starting to see which way this is going..."

 

 

---

"And then there was that little thing in the fall..." Celestia ruminated idly.

 

---

"Now, my little ponies, competition is all well and good. But due to your rivalry-- and cheating-- the Running of the Leaves still needs to be redone--"

"Uh, Princess?"

"...Yes, Twilight?"

"We have how many ponies competing in the Running of the Leaves?"

"...Um..."

"And you're saying that just two ponies squabbling and doing a bad job was enough to keep the leaves from falling when a couple hundred other ponies were running as well?"

"Twilight--"

"And these ponies are all doing a worse job than gravity? You know, it could just be the leaves aren't READY to fall...."

"...Twilight," Celestia said with a strained smile, "you're kind of buggering up my lesson on Friendship..."

"And half of them are pegasi! Call me obtuse but wouldn't more leaves come down if the pegasi were airborne and generating, I dunno, some sort of WIND....?"

 

---

"And Rainbow Dash told me about their little trip to the Cloudsdale weather factory..." Luna contributed.

---

 

"Snowflakes."

"Yeah!"

"By hoof."

"Ah, yeah...?"

"One at a time."

"Umm... yeah? Whatcher point, egghead?"

"Rainbow Dash, do you know how many snowflakes are in a single cubic foot of snow...? Call it a hunch but I think the way water freezes into crystals on the way down has more to do with it..."

---

 

 "And then there was Tornado Day," Celestia brooded.

---

"Commander Spitfire, let me get this straight. You want to suck all the water out of our reservoir with a giant tornado, all the way up to Cloudsdale, so that you can make clouds and rain it back down--- to, among other things, fill up our reservoir. Could I possibly interest you in this naturally occurring law of physics known as evaporation...?"

 

 

---

"She let it go at the time, but, like I said, after the Crystal Empire-- she got a burr under her saddle, went over her Friendship Reports and did a little critical review," Celestia sighed. "Granted, after we cut out the... redundancies and irregularities... she'd pointed out, we'd reduced the time and labor costs for the weather bureau alone by ninety eight percent. Thanks to the savings, Ponyville can now afford to build their Town Hall out of something sturdier than paper mache'. "

"We did keep the snowflake factory," Luna said. "As civic employment for handicapped pegasi."

"We're trying to get her to tone back the snark a bit," Celestia said. "But I think she backed up something of a reserve."

"I'm right here, you know," Twilight said, scowling.

"Ahem. Sorry, Twilight. You were saying?"

Twilight sat down. "The second thing is-- shouldn't we hold off on scattering to the four winds? I mean, wouldn't it make more sense to start looking closer to home? We haven't even searched the immediate area yet. I mean, if you've lost your house key in your living room, you don't run out into the street to look just because the light's better." This elicited a muffled snerk from Luna. "What are the attributes for ascendancy anyway? Magical power and skill? Is it something hereditary? Something else entirely? To be fair we don't know why the Elements picked us. I mean, there are surely thousands of ponies who are as loyal and honest and kind and generous and funny and magical out there. We need to know what to look for, as well as where." She looked thoughtful. "And come to think of it, if the elements really do gravitate towards potential alicorns like we think-- and vise versa-- we really should start the search closer to where we started with them."

"I dunno," Discord said, rubbing his chin. "Seems to me if the Elements were that indiscriminate, yon Everfree should be armpits-deep in alicorns by now."

"All the more reason to start our search closer to home," Twilight said. "We might find countless nascents right under our noses..."

She looked out over the crenellations at the night, and the city below. Millions of ponies, right there, just to begin with.

She glanced to one side. Further over amongst the walls and towers of the palace she saw a couple, standing out on another balcony. Squinting, she saw it was none other than her BBBFF, Shining Armor and his wife Princess Cadence. They had flown by zeppelin all the way from the Crystal Empire for the coronation, and obviously were taking a break from the festivities for a private moment. She blushed and grinned when she saw them nuzzling. It was already the stuff of fairy tales throughout equestria; an immortal princess and her dashing hero, happily ever after.

A calculating look crossed Twilight's face. Her smile widened to a grin. She turned back to the three immortals with her. "...And I know just where to start looking."

 

---

1)And she'd sock you if you suggested it.

2)Quite grand, but not quite Galloping.

3)A great number of ponies would be desperately hoping that certain of the princesses would quickly forget their names, and learning that alas, Princess Pinkie never. Forgot. Anypony.

4)He would spend the next month fruitlessly trying to devise a way to become a reclusive anonymous hermit and still keep his household staff.

5)Celestia may have believed in the power of Friendship; but Applejack and Twilight believed in the power of common sense.

We now turn our reader's eye back one day, to the Coronation Gala and the goings-on of certain other ponies....

"Okay, one-two-three SHOOT!" Two hooves, one indigo and silver-clad, one white clad in gilt, shot out. The two diarchs regarded their hooves, bemused.

"....I have no idea why we thought that would help," Celestia admitted ruefully.

"Well, sister, we must needs decide this somehow," Luna said. "One of us must oversee the Gala proper, whilst the other tends to the Junior Gala for the colts and fillies of the noble families." Both sisters winced. It had seemed such a good idea at the time. To some extent it still was; for ages both of them had wanted to introduce the newer generation of nobles and royals to courtly functions at a younger age. Now that it was upon them, they were having to face the down side of the situation.

"You do realize what this means," Celestia sighed. "One of us is going to spend the entire evening overseeing a teeming ballroom filled with troublesome, over-privileged, spoiled brats--"

"And the other will have to tend the Junior Gala," Luna quipped.

"That joke was funnier the first twenty times you said it," Celestia said dryly. "Now seriously..."

"Mmph. Either choice doth have drawbacks," Luna said, worrying her lower lip as she thought it over. "But methinks the adults would be miffed at thy absence, while the foals would feel suppressed by thy presence."

"That whole 'all-powerful mother figure' thing again," Celestia agreed, sighing. "Hard to have fun when Mom is looming over you. Are you sure, Luna? I didn't want you to feel you were being.. well.."

Luna thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yes. All in all, twould be best if thou attended the main festivities, whilst I oversaw the Junior."

"Agreed, then. Though I do think your task will be the easier one." Celestia rolled her eyes. "Maker only knows what havoc my former student and her five friends will unleash this time."

Luna scoffed. "They are alicorn princesses now, Celestia--"

"Exactly my point."

"And are bound to be better behaved," Luna finished firmly. "I on the other hand, will be hosting a party with the brats of the upper crust."

"I'm sure you can take them, if they don't gang up on you." Celestia smirked.

"And the Cutie Mark Crusaders." Luna continued.

"Oooh."

"Who apparently have reached, ahem, that age, where they start noticing boys--"

"Oh dear."

"--and are, all three, quite enamored of Princess Fluttershy's younger brother, who is attending as well."

"Oh...DEAR."  The two matriarchs of the alicorns stared at each other for an interminable moment. They both broke out in grins of malicious glee.

"Oh this is going to be too good..." Celestia giggled.

"A wager?" Luna asked.

Celestia grinned. "The usual stakes?" she asked.(1)

"Double or nuthin'."

"Deal." Had anypony wandered through the room at that moment, they would have been treated to the vision of the monarchs of the sun and moon hawking and spitting on their hooves like farmponies and brohoofing as they cackled like cut rate villains.

 

---

Sweetiebelle hopped nervously in place, just the tiniest bit. She couldn't help it; her insides felt like she'd eaten a bowl of jumping beans. She couldn't believe it. Here she was, about to go into her very first ultra-swanky grownups party! In Canterlot! In the castle, no less! Well, it was actually a sort of second party just for colts and fillies, set off to the side of the real adult party. But still!

The adults and the foals had parted ways; the adults were waiting outside the doors to the main ballroom, just down the hall, while the colts and fillies were gathering here at the doors to the night gallery. There was already a teeming crowd of colts and fillies in fancy dress, chattering amongst themselves.

She struggled to behave herself as she waited outside the big double doors for her friends to get there. Rarity had just about gone bonkers, doing up her little sister's hair and putting together just the right ensemble' for Sweetiebelle's big high-society debut: soft baby blue dress, a frilled saddle, and a choker with a blue heart gem. She'd even used makeup. Just a little.  It would kill Rarity if Sweetie messed up her hairdo or rumpled her dress or scuffed up her shoes or smudged the teeny bit of mascara or--

Maybe she should just go in and stand in a corner, quietly, till the party was over.

While she was mulling that thought over her friends came trotting up. "Sweetiebelle, there y'are!" It was Applebloom. She was wearing a scalloped red dress trimmed in tiny leaves, dress shoes, and an emerald green bow in place of her usual pink one.  It seemed none of the other Crusaders had escaped Rarity unscathed; Babs was decked out in a simple green wrap and a glittering white rhinestone necklace, and even Scootaloo was fancied up in a lavender dress and a new mane-do. She didn't look happy about it, naturally. "At least the necklace is cool," Sweetiebelle heard her mutter as she tapped the lightning-bolt pendant with a hoof.

"I think you look very nice, Scootaloo," a soft voice said. It was Breezy Shy. He came walking up to where the girls clustered together and ducked his head shyly. "You all do. If you don't mind my saying so..."

The girls looked at him; he was decked out in a colt's tuxedo and gold shoes. His pink mane was combed and slicked back in a sleek, wet style that Sweetiebelle thought made him look very aristocratic. To judge by the smiles on the other girls' faces, they approved of his look too.

"Oh. Y-y-you too," Scootaloo said. To Sweetie's astonishment, Scootaloo did something Sweetiebelle would have never bet on in a million years. She blushed and giggled. She seemed to realize what she'd done; her eyes flew wide and her hoof flew up to her mouth. Before anyone could comment, though, the doors to the Gallery swung open. They could see the gallery beyond, dazzling in chandelier light, with Princess Luna standing attendance on a raised dais. "Welcome, one and all," the Princess of the Moon said in booming, stentorian tones, "to the Junior Gala!"

The crowd of youngsters began pouring in. Before Bloom, Babs or Sweetie could take a step, Scootaloo blocked their path. She spoke rapidly and in a voice low enough that Bishi wouldn't hear. "If any of you breathe a word about what just happened to anypony anywhere anytime ever I will murder you in your sleep." The other three girls-- even Babs-- gulped at the homicidal menace in the pegasus' eyes and nodded, making 'zippered lip' motions with their hooves.

"Oh, um, pardon me," Bishi said, oblivious to the interplay going on right in front of him. "Ladies first." He made a sweeping gesture with one hoof, stepping aside. Scootaloo's face went from scowl to beaming smile instantly. The girls bustled in through the doors smiling, giggling and it must be said, simpering at the pink-maned pegasus colt.

The five of them stood in the entrance, bedazzled by the sparkling dance room. Somepony somewhere struck up an elegant ballroom quartet as colts and fillies from all over Equestria began to mingle. Sweetiebelle began bouncing up and down on her hooves again. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy," she said. "This is going to be the Best. Night. Ever!"

 

---

Luna bit back a sigh. The party was going swimmingly, in the fashion of courtly gatherings. The lights were bright, the decorations were elegant, the music refined, the drinks and hors d'oeuvres were a treat to the eye, and the guests were looking bored. What had she been thinking? Galas of this sort were boring to adults, of course they would be boring to colts and fillies! Indeed, after the initial novelty of attending a "real live grown-up" party had worn off, the youngsters had quickly started growing nervous, restless and bored. "This is not working," she muttered to herself.

"You don't say," murmured one of the two Guards standing at her side. Luna gave her the stinkeye. She had made it a practice to let her night guard ponies speak freely and be a bit more informal than her sister's soldiers(2), but this was a bit indecorous.  "Do you have some suggestion you would like to make, my dear guardspony?" she said a trifle tersely.

"Um, loosen up things a bit?" the thestral mare said without looking up.

"The purpose of the Junior Gala," Luna reminded them sternly, "Is to introduce the younger sons and daughters of the nobility to high-class events, so that they can become accustomed to them and learn to--"

"--to be as boring and dull as their parents?" the thestral mare finished. "Your Highness?"

Her partner--strangely enough, a white pegasus from the Day Guard--  coughed discreetly. "What I think my partner is saying, your majesty," he said in a low voice, "Is perhaps this is a bit too formal. Something more appropriate--"

"--Fun--" the nightguard mare interjected.

"--to a party for the younger set might liven the crowd up. Ahem. So to speak." The stallion managed, somehow, to glare at his alternate without turning his head, his eyes, or even altering his expression.

"Because?" Luna pressed.

"Because even you aren't enjoying this?" This from the mare.

Luna's eyebrows tabled. "Touche'," she said. "So what would you recommend, then?"

The night guard mare gave a subtle half-smile and discreetly raised one wing. Tucked up against her side was a small stack of music CDs with rather garish and low-brow labels on their jewel cases. "I took the liberty of, ah, securing some samples from your Highness' music collection in case of emergency," she said.

"Oh thank the maker," Luna muttered, snatching the CDs up in her magical aura. "If I had to listen to any more Neighthoven I'd have lost my mind. He was boring even when he was alive." She quickly trotted over to the pony running the sound system and turned them over. The pony grinned and nodded. A moment later Neighthoven's 14th symphony(3) ended prematurely with the screech of a record needle(4). The strains of violins and piano were summarily replaced with something lighter, more modern, and with a great deal more bounce to it. Luna lightly tapped one hoof and nodded to the beat, smiling to herself as the youngsters perked up and began moving out onto the dance floor.

To her consternation though, while quite a few youngsters paired off and started dancing, the vast majority suddenly seemed to be congregating to the walls; the colts to her left, the fillies to her right, many with noticeable looks of panic on their faces. "What..?" she said, waving her hoof at the two groups, baffled.

"Oh dear." the night guard thestral said, clearly struggling not to laugh. "Cootie phobia."

The lunar princess stared at her open mouthed, utter befuddlement plain on her face. "Cootie... phobia...?" She sounded like somepony trying to repeat a phrase they'd heard in some exotic foreign tongue.

The thestral guard smothered a giggle. "When you started the music, they took it as a cue that they have to dance." Luna waved her hoof, urging her to expound on this. "With each other, your Highness. They just realized that there are foals of the opposite gender in the room, and they're expected to dance with them." She flipped her hoof in the air. "Oh no! Boys! Oh no, Girls! Cootie Central! Eeee!" Her day guard partner ducked his chin and struggled to smother a snort of amusement.

Luna sighed and facehooved.

 

---

Breezy Shy was finding the Junior Gala to be rather... busy. He was in the company of four cheerful and outgoing fillies, and as a gentlepony he found himself kept rather busy dancing attendance on all four, fetching cups of punch, holding open doors, pulling out cushions to sit on, that sort of thing. He didn't mind, of course. It was always nice to be together with friends, and having good manners was all about making other ponies feel at ease.

The girls all seemed to be a bit tense, though. Shooting each other funny looks, and one could hardly start to ask him something without one of the others interrupting to ask something else or send him off for another cup of punch. He wished he knew what to do about it; four of them trying to talk to him or walk with him or stand next to him at the same time seemed to really be putting them on edge. They kept shouldering into each other too...

Things finally came to loggerheads when the music suddenly changed from quiet chamber music to something peppy and obviously meant to be danced to. The girls all froze, then looked at him. "Bishi, would you--" "Hey would you like to--" "Hey let's dance Bishi--" "Bishi would you like to dance with me--" They all stopped, glared at each other, and started quibbling.

"Hey, Ah asked first--"

"Did not--"

"Hey youse--"

"I was first--"

"Were not!"

"HEY!" Breezy yelped, starting to panic. The girls all flinched and fell silent, flushing. Breezy coughed and blushed. "Um, I know you're all trying to be nice and dance with me," he said. " And I'd love to dance with all of you....but I really can't dance with all of you at once. And there's no reason to get in a quarrel over it. I'm sure there will be plenty of dances tonight."

The CMC looked chagrined and looked away from each other. "O-okay," Applebloom said finally. "We're sorry, Bishi." The others mumbled apologies as well.

"That's okay," Breezy said with a smile. He turned to Scootaloo. "May I have this dance? Um, if that's alright..." he was interrupted by Scoot's squeal of glee as the pegasus filly all but dragged him out onto the dance floor. The three other fillies watched them go, then turned to each other.

"Let's not fight anymore over Bishi," Applebloom said. "Okay?"

"Yeah, definitely. There ain't no need for it." Babs added.

"Yanno what, I'm gonna... check out what music they're gonna play," Sweetiebelle said suddenly.  "Catch you later." She trotted off.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go check out the buffet, see what kinda fancy foods fancy ponies eat," Applebloom said. She headed off in the opposite direction.

"Yeah and I'm... gonna stand here and talk to myself," Babs deadpanned. "Whatever." She headed off in a third direction, just to be different.

 

---

Breezy found out quickly that Scootaloo was a whirlwind on the dance floor. She spun him around and had him out of breath in no time flat. "You certainly like to dance, don't you," he managed to gasp between breaths. Scootaloo just laughed and did a high kick over his head. "Goodness!" He decided to save his breath and concentrated on keeping up with her.

The first song ended and the two pegasus foals stood there panting and laughing. Another song kicked in, as lively as the first. Scootaloo grinned. "One more?"

"But--" Breezy started to say.

"Please?" the orange filly started to beg, grinning. She glanced up, though, and her smile faded. Breezy looked up; several of the older pegasus colts and fillies were taking the dance to the air, doing flips and loop-the-loops around each other in an aerial jig. As he watched Scootaloo's smile disappear entirely. "Never mind," she mumbled, starting to leave the dance floor.

"Wait, what's wrong?" Breezy asked.

Scootaloo looked over her shoulder at him, biting her lip. "I.. I can't..."

His hoof rested on her shoulder. "You can't fly yet?" Scootaloo nodded jerkily, ashamed. Bishi smiled. "Sure you can."

Scootaloo blinked at him, then scowled. "No I can't, I oughta know--"

"Yes, you can," Bishi said firmly. "Let me show you. Here, give me your hooves." He held out his forehooves to her. Puzzled, she turned around and rested her forehooves on top of his. "Now close your eyes..." She closed them obediently. "Now. Hold your forelegs down while I push up. Flap your wings. Up and down... okay... faster now....  just a little more..."

Scootaloo felt his hooves pressing up on hers. They felt strange all of a sudden, warm and tingly...Her cheeks got warm. Her wings got all warm and tingly too.  she was surprised at how strong he was, he was lifting her up so that her back hooftips started to leave the floor.

"Okay, now open your eyes."

Scootaloo blinked, and she was not just hovering an inch off the floor. She and Bishi were hovering together, halfway to the ceiling. She gasped and started. "Don't let go!" Bishi said hastily. She nodded nervously and kept her hooves firmly in his.

"H-how?" she yelped.

Bishi smiled, his eyes twinkling. "All ponies are magical," he said. "The magic comes out of us through our horns, our wings and our hooves. I'm using some of my magic--" he nodded at his hooves "And pushing it out of my hooves, and into you... to push your magic out through your wings." His smile got wider. "See? You have plenty of magic inside you, you just needed a little help to get it to come out."

"B-but I couldn't do this myself--"

"You will someday, I'm sure," Breezy Shy assured her. "My mom says 'Anypony can do anything if they have someone to share it with.' "

Scootaloo looked in his eyes and felt her insides turn to goo.

One song later, Breezy Shy left Scootaloo standing by the DJ and bashfully escorted Sweetie Belle out on the floor. Scootaloo smiled goofily at the pony manning the CD player. "Having a good time, kid?" he asked her.

Scootaloo nodded, giggled, and hiccuped.

 

 

---

Fancy Toff (Toffee to his friends), third son of the Earl of Winniepeg,  found the Junior Gala to be a bit... plebeian. No, he corrected himself, that wasn't the correct term. Plebeian meant "common." Commoners were interesting. Or at least amusing. This party wasn't. He was only thirteen, but he'd been acclimated to the high society circles of his parents since he'd been out of diapers, and this was all depressingly familiar. The same swanky decor, the same overdressed outfits, the same music, the same idle chatter of ponies trying to impress one another with their family's wealth or standing-- the only real difference was that the ponies in question were rather shorter. Well, that and most of them weren't complete twits just yet. At least the younger ones... the teenagers were well on their way to being affectatious prats like their parents. In these circles, a cutie mark was practically a marker for "I have learned to be a stuffy prig."

Perhaps he was just in a bad mood. Getting trapped in a conversation with Upper Crust's obnoxious son for the past fifteen minutes would make anypony ready to gnaw off his own leg to get away, he figured. Blimey.

Thankfully Princess Luna had swapped out the music for something a little more... festive, and the older colts and fillies had ceased from prattling about daddy's new mansion and mummy's new yacht and moved out onto the dance floor. Toffee decided to skip the dancing for now (and evade the simpering fillies who were already sharpening their training talons for snatching up potential husbands) and cruise the buffet line.  

He put a plate together and sought out a seat cushion. He found himself sitting next to a yellow filly about his age with a candy apple red mane and wearing a somewhat apple-themed dress who was nonchalantly stuffing her face with canape's. She gave him a polite nod. "Howdy," she said... hastily setting her plate down and covering her mouth with a hoof when she realized she'd spoken with her mouth full. "Pardon."

"Quite all right," he said drily.His ear twitched at her drawling accent. "I say, are you from Appleoosa?" How rustic. Imagine some dusty Appaloosan coming to a Canterlot Gala...

"Oh, uh, no, but ah got a cousin who lives thar," the filly said. "Ah come from Ponyville."

Ponyville! That got his interest. "Strewth!" he said. " That little town where all the ruckus started?"

The filly pulled a wry grimace at him. "Y'all 're gonna have to be more specific than that," she said. "Ponyville might as well be called Ruckus Central." She popped another canape' in her mouth, chewing solidly.

Toffee laughed. "Where all the new Princesses ascended!" he said.

The filly shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that'd be the big'un to most folks," she admitted.

"I can't imagine what kind of a town it is where six alicorns showing up is small news," Toffee said, a little amused. Good heavens, were all country folk really that hard to impress? He was starting to wonder if she was a little thick.

"You don't know Ponyville," the filly said matter-of-factly. "I'm Applebloom, by the way." She stuck out her hoof, obviously to shake.

Toffee took her hoof in his, like he'd been shown, and kissed it. "Fancy Toff," he said. "But my friends call me Toffee." The hoof kiss startled Applebloom so badly she almost tipped off her cushion. She pulled her hoof back a bit quickly, blushing.

"Well ain't you forward," she said uncertainly, tucking the offended hoof in toward herself.

Toffee flushed, ears flicked back."Sorry," he said. "That's supposed to be how a gentlepony greets a lady. " No doubt she's from the sticks if she doesn't know about courtly behavior.

"A lady?" Applebloom said. "Ah ain't no lady, I'm just an Apple." There was a smile on her face though and her cheeks were pink.

Toffee blinked. "An Apple? You mean from the Apple family? Princess Applejack's family?"

"She's mah big sister," Applebloom confirmed.

Toffee's mouth hung open in astonishment. "Should I bow, or something?" he laughed. Oh this was too rich!

To his astonishment Applebloom stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry at him. "No way. I'd never hear the end of it!"

There was a brief lull in the conversation. Applebloom filled it by stuffing more tidbits from her plate into her mouth. "Sooo, how are you liking life in Canterlot so far?" Toffee finally ventured.

Applebloom shrugged. "Ah ain't really here to stay," she said. "I'm just here f'r a few weeks, then it's back to the farm." She shrugged again. "It's nice enough though. Real fancy like, even if it is a little stuffy." She looked down on her plate. "Th' food, though...these fancy snacks ain't got a scratch on Granny Smith's fritters. An' y' gotta pick an' choose real careful like. Ah heard about some of the weird things that fancy type ponies eat--" she gave a theatrical shudder. "-- fish eggs an' snails an' what not-- I'd spit my bit if someone tried to make me eat anything like... what?" she paused when she noticed he was looking at her plate with an amused expression on his face.

"Um..." he raised his hoof. "I hate to say this but--" he pointed to one of the caviar-dolloped crackers on her plate. "That black stuff there? That's ... um... "

A look of horror slowly spread across her face. "What? What?"

He told her.

"Fuh...fish..." her pupils shrank to dots. She seemed to wilt where she sat; even her hair ribbon withered. She looked down on her plate of half-eaten food, swallowing. "Oh Celestia, Luna and Discord."

Toffee managed to keep a straight face. Barely. "Oh come on, it's not that bad--"

"Whu-- what about the rest of it?" Applebloom said weakly.

"Um." Toffee looked down. "Well... ahh... those little toast things, that's shrimp toast...it's a gryphon recipe..."

"Shrimp?"

"Uh, sort of like... what do they call them? Oh yes, crawdads. You know what crawdads are?"

"Oh Maker..."

"Hey, it's all right," he tried to reassure her. "Ponies can actually eat meat. It's an acquired taste, but--"

"That ain't the point!" Applebloom gagged. "Yore tellin' me a I ate a mashed up mud bug??"

"I... wouldn't put it that way..." Toffee hedged desperately. Because I'd never be able to look at shrimp toast the same way again if I did, he thought to himself.

"Oh Maker," Applebloom whimpered. "Please tell me them little yaller things is just cheese."

Toffee looked and laughed. "Yes, yes, they're just cheese." Goat cheese, but I think I shan't tell you that.

The filly seemed to regain some confidence. "And the little crackers with the gray stuff?" She pointed.

Toffee cleared his throat. "That's pate'."

"Pat-tay?" Applebloom queried.

"Pate' de foie gras," Toffee said. "....Goose liver paste." He winced.

That did it. the filly's pupils turned to pinpricks. Her face turned a spectacular shade of green. The plate went flying; she made a sound like "Hrurgh" and bolted, knocking ponies off their feet in her desperate run to find the bathroom.

She almost made it, too.

 

---

Out on the floor, Sweetiebelle was practically floating on a cloud. She was no great dancer, but Bishi was a patient dance partner. They hopped and spun around the floor, and he never took his eyes off her. For the first time in her life she felt pretty and special... like a lady. Was this what Rarity was always going on about? If it was, it was worth it.

"Are you having a good time?" Bishi asked her.

She nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes!" she said. "Only..."

"Yes?"

She gulped nervously. "The next dance -- the next slow dance -- could we have that dance, too?"

"Oh, okay," Bishi said with a shy smile. "If-if you want to, that is."

The song they were dancing to ended and, ermagersh, the next one was a slow number.(5) The lights dimmed; Bishi blushed and smiled. Sweetiebelle gulped and and smiled shakily back. They moved in closer...

Just as the most godawful sound echoed the length of the Gallery.

"BLEEEEAEEAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH."

Expressions of surprise, confusion and (in one corner of the room) disgust filled the air. "Oh dear," Bishi said, looking over other ponies' heads in consternation. "I hope that poor moose is all right!"

Sweetiebelle felt the mood shatter like a champagne glass under a sledgehammer. "Oh, no..." she moaned. "Darn you, Applebloom..." She started hustling in the direction of the disturbance.

Bishi looked at her in surprise. "What makes you think that's Applebloom?"

Sweetiebelle looked over her shoulder at him. "The last time I heard that sound, she and Scootaloo had just had an ice-cream eating contest."

"Um. Who won?" Breezy Shy couldn't help asking.

"Nobody. I was sitting between 'em."

"Oh... my..."

They found Applebloom in the lobby just outside the double doors, sitting on the floor and sobbing. There was a rather nasty puddle of sick on the floor, and a circle of colts and fillies standing about rubbernecking and making exclamations of disgust and generally making a useless nuisance of themselves. One or two of the fillies had apparently been standing too close when Applebloom had her accident; their expensive looking dresses were splashed and they were screeching up a storm.

More than a few in the background were smirking at the debacle.

Sweetiebelle and Breezy were at Applebloom's side in a twinkling. Sweetiebelle helped the distraught earth filly to her feet while Breezy whipped out his kerchief and went to clean her face."There there now," he said in his soft voice. "It'll be okay..."

"No it will not!" one of the party fillies screeched. "Look-- just look what she did to my new silk dress-- silk imported all the way from Saddle Arabia! My daddy paid a fortune for this gown and it's ruined!!"

Sweetiebelle squinted narrowly at the gown in question. "Well your daddy got robbed," she said bluntly. "That isn't Arabian silk, it's cheap art silk at best. Low thread count stuff, too; my sister wouldn't even use that stuff to make sofa pillows." The fillies present gasped; the unicorn filly in question was left with her mouth hanging open, speechless at the audacity. Sweetiebelle looked closer. "And the rubies in the hem are actually garnets, by the way."

The other soiled filly, a mint green unicorn, smirked maliciously. "Well, at least one of us isn't out an expensive dress," she said. "It's always important to check credentials on your designer, ey, Ruby Drop? That's why I got a Mare Dupree original."

Sweetiebelle gave her the once over. "I wouldn't be too sure," she said. "I recognize the lace overskirt. It's an off-budget  knockoff of a Mare Dupree original." The green filly's mouth shut so suddenly her jaw clicked. "also the arms are a size tight, the hems are clearly machine stitched, the pleats are uneven, the under fabric looks like toile, and the stitch count is half what Mare Dupree uses in her designs in the first place, so it's obviously a pret-au-portier number that someone sewed up a bit to make look like a Mare Dupree. Both your daddies are probably out about a hundred bits." She paused. "Between them."

The two fillies were rapidly going from speechlessly stunned to speechlessly incandescent. The wiser ponies present were backing away; the more cutthroat ones were trying to edge closer for a better look. All of them were concealing either distress or glee, depending on where in the social ladder they were in relation to the two humiliated rich fillies.

"Um, Sweetiebelle, maybe you should go fetch somepony with a mop," Breezy Shy said guardedly. Sweetie, completely oblivious to the smouldering doom she'd ignited not three steps distant from her own tender hide, nodded and galloped off. Breezy Shy led Applebloom away from the cluster of gawking ponies. He waved down a waiter passing with a tray of drinks. "Excuse me, sir, but my friend could use a flat ginger pop for her stomach." He looked back over at the cluster of colts and fillies and the two fuming rich brats. "And, um, a round of club sodas for everypony over there, to get the stains out," he added. The waiter nodded and trotted off.

Once the sodas were dispersed and the castle janitor was on site with a mop, Breezy sat down next to Applebloom and handed her the ginger pop. "For your tummy," he said. "And to wash the taste out of your mouth." He and Sweetie dipped napkins in club soda and began cleaning the spatter off her dress. "What happened? Do you have the flu?"

Applebloom gave him a sad watery look. "They fed me fish eggs and goose guts," she said in a quavery, broken voice.

It took a minute for Bishi to translate. "Oooh, caviar and pate'?" he said.

Applebloom nodded. "Why would Princess Luna serve fish eggs and mud bugs and goose gut paste to a bunch of ponies?"

"Um, it's an acquired taste?"

 

---

Babs found herself relatively disinterested in the dance or the buffet line at the moment. Besides, there seemed to be kind of a rumpus going on at one end of the room, so she decided to steer clear and just look around at the Gallery. She'd never been in Canterlot Castle before, so it was pretty interesting looking at the art and all the fancy architecture wingdings.

At the moment she was looking over one of the Royal Guards who were standing attention around the edges of the room. He wasn't nearly as stiff and quiet as the usual guards, shifting from hoof to hoof and idly looking about. Come to think of it, he looked really young. He was probably a rookie. No professional Royal Guard would get so fidgety just from having somepony staring at them, either.

The guard, for his part, was getting a touch bothered. The orange and red earth pony filly had been staring him up and down for five minutes solid. It was bloody unnerving. "Can I help you?" he finally asked.

"You're not a real Royal Guard, are ya," she said.

"I most certainly am!" he snapped, offended. Sure, it had been a little... irregular... but he'd been sworn in by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, fair and square. He even had the Princesses' Bit(6) and everything. Even if he had only been one week into training.

"Then why are you wearing cadet armor? And--" she stepped closer, squinting. "--Is that gold paint?"

"Look kid, will you just go away?" the harried guard pleaded.

"Fine, fine, no need to bite my flank off," Babs said. "Sheesh." She turned to trot off. Maybe she could strike up a conversation with some of the colts and fillies all clustered against the walls. She looked around for a likely group of ponies to chat to.

What she saw next made her heart drop into her hooves. Babs' family weren't complete strangers to the upper crust; they were pretty successful zeppelin-setters(7) in Manehattan. That meant that Babs knew more than a few high society types, or at least their children.

Most of them she knew to her regret.

In this particular case, she recognized a group of colts and fillies who attended the same private school she did. They were popular, they were from wealthy families (though who wasn't at that school?) and they did everything together. They were also the most horrible bullies in her school.

The leader of the group, a stocky earth pony colt with a blue coat, a black mane and a bit coin cutie mark, looked up and saw her. He recognized her almost immediately. The leer that spread across his face was the stuff of her worst nightmares. "Hey, everypony, look who's here!" He said. He sounded almost jovial. "It's little Baby Babs!" Four sets of eyes turned and locked on her. They were as cold and pitiless as the eyes of a hydra.

She didn't wait for the other horseshoe to drop. She turned around and ran.

 

---

Scootaloo was trying to chat up the DJ when Sweetiebelle came running up. "What's up, Sweetie?" she asked the panting unicorn.

"Applebloom sort've had an accident," she panted. She quickly told Scootaloo the abbreviated summary of what happened.

"Yeeeurgh," Scootaloo said, sticking her tongue out. "Ponies actually eat that kind of stuff? Sick!  We'd better find Babs and warn her to keep away from the buffet."

"Yeah," Sweetiebelle said. "Otherwise we'll have two ponies ralphing all over the Gala."

A hasty search revealed no sign of the Manehattan filly on the dance floor or (thankfully) at the buffet. It took several pointed questions to the staff, but they finally found Babs in the coat-check room. She was hiding behind several enormous faux-fur coats, huddled and sniffling to herself. "Hey Babs! What the heck are you doing in here?" Scootaloo demanded.

"Gettin' bucked in the teeth by karma," Babs muttered dolefully. At the other crusader's bemused looks she said, "Youse know about the bullies at my school I told you about? A whole gang of 'em are here--- right here at the Junior Gala. The worst of the bunch, too. PennyWorth and his stooges and their nasty filly friends. They know I'm here too."

"So you're gonna what, hide in here the whole night?" Scootaloo exclaimed in disbelief. This was so not Babs. Scootaloo could hardly believe the brash ex-bully was cowering in a coat closet like this. "Big mouthed bullies shouldn't be making you back down! Wasn't that the whole point of you becoming a Cutie Mark Crusader?"

Babs snorted disdainfully. "Are you kiddin'? The first time I went strutting around in that cape, everypony in school took one look and laughed themselves sick at it. Then they took it and my saddlebags and threw 'em up in a tree." She sniffed and rubbed her nose on her fetlock. "Me'n the other two Crusaders have to hide our capes an' stuff an' meet in secret to keep from getting picked on and beat up. " Not that hiding helped much, she reflected.

"They.. beat you up?" Sweetiebelle asked, disbelieving. Babs nodded. Pennyworth and his gang weren't wilting lilies like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Babs and the other two foals got beat up, punched, pinched hard enough to leave bruises, their possessions broken and torn up pushed in the mud and more. Poor Dusky got stuffed in his locker by Pennyworth and his stooges almost every day. And thanks to Pennyworth's rotten filly friends, she and Emerald couldn't even escape the namecalling and bullying by running to the little filly's room-- if they tried, Marzipan and Ivy just followed them in and continued the torment. Pennyworth had the whole school calling them names, "Baby Babs," "Diaper Dusky," "Little wittle Emmy..."

"Don't the grownups do anything?" Sweetiebelle protested. Babs just snorted. If any of them told a grownup, nothing happened but the bullies getting their revenge, punishing them even worse. Worse, the whole school shunned them as crybabies and squealers.

Scootaloo scowled. "All right, c'mon, knock it off!" she said. Babs looked up in surprise. "You think anypony here is gonna let those plotheads pick on you? C'mon, Princess Luna is right here. And there's Princess Rainbow Dash, and Princess Applejack--- shoot, if she caught anypony picking on her cousin Princess Applejack would buck 'em to the moon!"

"Yeah, and even if she wouldn't, you've got US now," Sweetiebelle said stoutly. "You mess with one Crusader you get the whole club!"

Babs looked up at them and her eyes went watery. They really do mean it... "I'm the worst pony ever," she blubbered. "I was so mean and rotten to youse when I came to Ponyville, as bad as my bullies ever were, and now you're so nice to me--"

The two looked abashed. Scootaloo shrugged awkwardly. "Hey, you were sorry and you wanted to be better," she said. "That makes all the difference." Babs couldn't contain herself any longer. She jumped up and caught the two fillies in a fierce neck hug. "Ack! Okay, we love you too," Scootaloo said. "C'mon, let's go back out there, Applebloom had a little, uh, accident, Bishi is helping her clean up."

The three of them left the coat-check room and went back to the Gallery.

"Aww, there she is! And look-- she's got new friends!" Babs bit back a swear word and groaned. Couldn't they have waited a few minutes before showing their faces? The three fillies turned around. There stood PennyWorth and his hangers on-- a unicorn and pegasus colt who looked like they ate rocks for breakfast, and a unicorn filly with a poufy bouffant and a waspish expression on her face. There were other colts and fillies gathered round; most of the younger ones, presumably ponies without cutie marks yet, noticeably kept their distance. It looked like PennyWorth had wasted no time spreading his charm around the Gala.

Babs looked over at her friends, who were clearly sizing up the bullies and not liking what they saw. They looked a great deal less confident than they had before. "Uh.. are these the guys you were talking about?" Sweetiebelle said nervously.

"Holy horseapples, what are they feeding them?" Scootaloo said.

"Why Baby Babs," the filly said with a poisonous smile on her face. "Imagine seeing you here! Somepony let you out of your crib, I see." Her eyes glittered. "Who are your little friends? New blank flanks for your playpen?" The girls' flanks were hidden underneath their dresses, but it didn't take much to guess, obviously.

Sweetiebelle mustered everything she'd picked up from her sister. She stepped forward, tipping her nose in the air. "I am Sweetiebelle, younger sister to Princess Rarity, the alicorn of Generosity," she said in the loftiest tone she could muster.

Scootaloo picked up her cue and stepped forward as well. "And I'm Scootaloo a... uh.. apprentice to Princess Rainbow Dash, the alicorn of Loyalty," she said.

Sweetiebelle did her best to look down her nose at the earth pony bully. "And who might YOU be?" she said haughtily, her voice squeaking a bit on the 'you.'.

The response was less than satisfactory. The four bullies exploded into mocking laughter. "Well, Princess Squeakybelle," PennyWorth said, giving her a poke with one hoof that made her squeak and stumble backwards. "I'm PennyWorth, Heir to the Worth family fortune. I'm one of the twenty richest ponies in Equestria. And I clean little lying bigmouth blank flanks like you and Baby Babs here off the bottoms of my hooves." He leaned in smirking. "C'mon, Princess Squeakybelle. Tell us another one."

"It's not a lie," Sweetiebelle said, deflated but trying to stand her ground.

Things naturally took a turn for the worse. Two more fillies-- the fillies Applebloom had gotten sick on-- came bustling up. The mess on their dresses had been washed out with club soda, but it looked as if the stains might set. The wet marks only made them more obvious. "Penny, Penneeeee," the green one whined. "You would not believe what some little plebe did to--" she looked over and saw Sweetiebelle standing there. "You!" she hissed.

"What is it, Ivy?" PennyWorth said, rolling his eyes.

Ruby Drop was the one to answer. "That little nag's friend," she said, pointing a hoof, "threw up all over our gowns! And then she told everyone here that our gowns are cheap knockoff fakes!" The filly seethed.

"Also true," Sweetiebelle chirped. The two bullying fillies went thermonuclear.

"She made us a laughingstock!"

"Kick her flank, Penny!" Ivy demanded.

"Hey, back off, you--" Scootaloo said, blustering. The unicorn goon shoved her back on her rump with one hoof.

Babs stepped into the gap, glowering. "Back off, PennyWorth," she said. "You try anything and you'll be in so much trouble-- I'll go straight to the Princess myself--"

Pennyworth quickly looked over his shoulder. Then turned back, smirking. "What Princess?"

Babs looked past him to where Princess Luna was standing. Was supposed to be standing. The dais was conspicuously empty of Princesses of the Night. "Oh no.."

PennyWorth chuckled. "Well gee Fellas, looks like Baby Babs wants to stick up for her widdle friends. All for one and one for all, huh?" He cracked the joints in his neck. "I guess they all gotta pay the price, then."

The hulking pegasus next to him hur-hurred. "Make 'em do the Diaper Dance," he slurred.

Bab's face melted into horror. "No," she said. "You wouldn't! You can't!"

"Works for me," PennyWorth said cheerfully. "We take 'em outside and the girls make 'em do the Diaper Dance. Sound good to you, girls?" The three fillies cackled with glee. They began herding the crusaders towards a pair of Prance glass doors that opened onto the patio.

"The diaper dance?" Scootaloo asked Babs fearfully, backing up next to her. Sweetie huddled in on the other side.

"They made Dusky do it once," Babs said. "He came to school in his Crusader cape. They took it from him,  made him wear it like a diaper, and then made him dance in it all the way around the playground." Her eyes were hellish. "He didn't come back to school the rest of the semester. He couldn't."

"I figure those cheap tacky little skirts will make good diapers for the dancing babies," Ivy cooed mockingly. "Once we tear them off the dress..."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The bullies turned. Behind them stood Bishi. He was supporting a slightly disheveled Applebloom with one wing. The three cornered crusaders nearly collapsed in relief. "Bishi, go get a guard or somethin'!" Babs yelped. "Better yet get the princess!"

Bishi ignored her. He left Applebloom and stepped between the two groups, turning to face the bullies. "You're being very mean and very cruel," he said in his soft voice. "And you're picking on three fillies who are way smaller than you. I think you should apologize, and go away."

PennyWorth and his flunkies brayed with laughter. "And what if I don't, pretty boy?" PennyWorth mocked.

Bishi looked at the floor, tracing a circle with one hoof. "Then, um, I'll have to stop you. I guess."

PennyWorth howled. When he finally caught his breath, he said "I'd like to see you-- hey, what's this? What are those?"

While he and his hangers-on had been laughing, Bishi had kicked off his shoes and was putting on what looked like padded booties on all four hooves. "these are training shoes," Bishi explained.

"Hah. And what are those for?" PennyWorth said.

Bishi shrugged and stood up. "So I don't break your jaw when I kick you in the face." He reared up.

"Wha--"

BAP! BIFF! BAP! BIFF! WHOP! WHOP! WHOP! BAFF! POP! BAP!

Everypony stood slackjawed as Bishi proceeded to hoof-boot the butterscotch out of PennyWorth's head. The meek little pegasus' front hooves were a blur as he delivered what had to be a dozen lightning fast jabs to the other colt's face. For good measure he'd hop back and deliver a high kick to the chin with his back hoof every two or three punches. The arrogant bully was flailing his forehooves around, not landing a hit; he was not so much rearing up himself as he was having his forehooves lifted off the ground by the rain of hooves to his face.

Bishi finally hopped back, still standing on his back hooves in a wary stance. PennyWorth flopped to the ground, clutching his hooves to his face and squalling like a newborn foal. There was a trickle of blood from his nose and another from the corner of his rapidly swelling lip. His stooges stared at him in stunned amazement.

He finally recuperated enough to shout at them. "Get him!"

The two muscleponies started to surge forward. The pegasus suddenly grunted and folded up, falling to the floor with his eyes bugged out. He'd forgotten about Applebloom standing behind him, and the farmpony, seeing which way the wind was blowing, turned around and delivered a two-hoofed apple-buck, as her sister would have said, right where his apple tree forked.

The other one hulked forward, his horn glowing--he fared no better. Sweetiebelle was a surprisingly fast thinker in a fight. She leapt forward and delivered the meanest (8)dirty pool fighting trick you could use on a unicorn; she slapped the end of his horn with her hoof. There was a sound like someone twanging a ruler on the edge of a table; He went down, his magic out of commission and his eyes crossed.

The next instant Ivy had pounced on her, assumptively in defense of her coltfriend. The two unicorns went rolling across the floor, biting and kicking. Ruby Drop went in aid of their friend, only to get Scootaloo and Babs leaping on her back.

Marzipan, being the prissiest of the mares, stood there squealing uselessly for a second. When nopony went for her rather weak damsel in distress act, she started to wade into the fray herself. She found herself facing a scowling Applebloom, who was standing over the colt she'd downed. "One more step and yer spittin' teeth," the farmpony said.

Marzipan promptly folded to the floor in a faint. "Wuss," Applebloom said scornfully.

Ivy on the other hand was a vicious little minx. She had Sweetiebelle's mane in her hooves and teeth and was pulling and tearing away as if she fully intended to rip the mane right out of the smaller filly's scalp. Through tears of pain Sweetiebelle let loose a surge of magic. A swarm of sparks exploded between her and Ivy, forcing Ivy to drop her grip and roll away. The first volley was followed by a second-- a cloud of sparks that showered around Ivy's hooves, popping and snapping like Jubilee firecrackers. "Ai! Yeek! WAh!" the green unicorn yelled, hopping and dancing frantically. "You little--!"

Scootaloo wasn't above a little hair-pulling herself. She was up in Ruby Drop's face, yanking at her mane and buffeting her about the head with her wings like an infuriated bantam rooster. Ruby Drop flailed about madly till she threw the pegasus filly off-- only to get a hoof square to the face from Babs. She went down and Babs went after her like Winona after a bone. Ruby Drop had always taken the lead in tormenting Babs in PennyWorth's absence, and Babs was out for her pound of flesh.

PennyWorth had actually managed to get back to his feet. His lip was already grotesquely swollen and his right eye was already swelling shut. He loomed up and went for Breezy Shy, murder in his eye. "I'm gonna rip off your wings and EAT them," he snarled through his busted lip.

Bishi made a startled squeak and decided to stop messing about. He spun about and delivered the hardest two-hoofed buck to PennyWorth's chin that he could muster. Padded hooves or no, it rang Pennyworth's bell. He staggered backward on his hind hooves, right into his two buddies who were just getting off the floor. The three of them, completely off balance, tumbled backward and fell on the end of the buffet table.

This would have been a pretty mess all by itself. As it stood, however, forces had aligned against them. The three colts in question were rather sizable for their age. Furthermore the punch bowl at this end of the table was rather larger than the one at the other end, and was also more full. Add together the general distribution of plates and serving trays down its length and, well, to be brief, the table flipped up and launched its contents....pretty much everywhere.

Thousands of bits in appetizers, bite-sized gourmet items, and exotic foodstuffs that were the painstaking effort of the royal kitchen (and one Gryphon chef who was a bit poorly versed on what canapes were appropriate for a roomful of school-age ponies) went sailing into the air and rained down on those gathered, colt, filly, guardspony, and waitstaff alike. The larger of the two punch bowls slid off the end of the table, pouring its contents over the stunned colts, half drowning them.

The other punch bowl, contrary to the laws of comedic cause and effect, did not soar across the room to land atop somepony of importance, drenching them in a socially topical and humorous fashion, but instead arced in the opposite direction to come crashing down right on top of the sound system just as the hapless DJ leapt to safety.  Sparks flew in gouts; the speakers made a sound like someone feeding an electric cat into the Cider Squeezy 6000, and all the lights in the Gallery blew out.

It was at this precise moment that Princess Luna, accompanied by none other than Discord, entered through the patio doors. The two immortals stopped and gaped, disbelieving, at the anarchy before them.  All the lights were blown, some few fitfully sparking. Ponies were yelling and running back and forth, slipping and falling in the puddles of food and drink spattered across the room. The DJ stand was crackling in flame.

And before them were the CMC. Bishi was standing in a karate stance, sparring mitts on his hooves, standing watch over three badly battered foals twice his size, one of whom was still curled up lamenting his progeny. Sweetiebelle was holding another filly at hornpoint, shooting sparks at her hooves and yelling "Dance, varmint!" While Applebloom was sitting atop another and dousing her with punch, trying to wake her. Scootaloo and Babs were going the more direct route, holding a third filly face down by her mane in what was left of the punch bowl. "The Diaper Dance, huh?" Babs was screeching at the flailing filly. "Gonna make me do the Diaper Dance, huh, Ruby Drop? Well that's when I'm gonna let you back up-- when you're old enough to wear granny diapers!"

Luna was speechless. Discord not so. He clapped his mismatched hands together in glee.

"Oh Luna---And here I thought you'd forgotten my birthday!"

 

---

1) The highest stakes of all: the winner got all the loser's desserts for a week.

2) It's hard to maintain rigid, Royal-Guard style discipline when one of your duties is to spend Nightmare Night running about with the Princess yelling "booga booga!" at trick-or-treating foals.

3) Fourteenth in a series of over 100 excruciatingly long and insomnia-curing compositions

4) Considering he was playing CDs, this is rather extraordinary.

5) The adolescent panic in the air was palpable.

6) The pony equivalent of the King's Shilling.

7) Like jet-setters, only more slow and ponderous. We'll refrain from adding "and gassier too."

8) well... Second meanest.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Breezy Shy found themselves in the Princesses' private chambers. They weren't sure whose, though the lunar themed decor gave them something of a hint. At the moment their attention was on other things. All nine princesses--- Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Cadence, Luna and Celestia--- were in the room, and most of them seemed preoccupied with yelling, fussing, and demanding explanations and answers from the foals.

The CMC couldn't be said to be feeling very cooperative. They were bruised, rumpled, splashed with food and sticky from slowly drying punch, still feeling tummy twinges from the unfortunate food, strung out from the adrenaline crash, and now all the grownups who were supposed to be on their side were shouting at them.

It was when Rarity, for the fifth time, started demanding of Sweetiebelle "What were you thinking?" that they reached the breaking point. Sweetiebelle stood on her chair and glared right in her sister's eye. "Well we'd tell you if you'd JUST STOP YELLING AT US!!" the unicorn filly bellowed.

Stunned by the sheer volume coming out of the tiny filly, the alicorns all fell silent. Cadence took advantage of her authority as an ex-babysitter and took charge of the interrogation. She cleared her throat. Good set of lungs on that one, sakes. "Very well, Sweetie Belle. Tell us what happened. From the beginning."

Sweetiebelle heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you."  With interjections and expansions of detail from the others, she told the Princesses everything, starting from Applebloom's unfortunate run-in with exotic cuisine--

"Really, Princess Luna. Fish eggs and mud bugs??" Applebloom said bitterly.

---to the moment the concussed bullies had flipped the table. "And then the sound system exploded and the lights went out, aaand that's pretty much it," Sweetiebelle concluded meekly, all her steam spent. "We're sorry, Princess Luna..."

Applejack stood there, scowling in anger. She hadn't said a word for several minutes."Is this really what happened, Applebloom?" she demanded, her voice dangerously level.

Applebloom looked up at her big sister woefully. She felt like she was withering under her sister's piercing glare. Applejack and Macintosh had given her scoldings and switchings for getting in fights before. This was worse.  "It's true! We're sorry, Applejack," she said. "We're so so sorry. We didn't want to ruin your party..."

Applejack didn't say a word. She spun about and left the room, her face livid. Applebloom's chin crumpled, but she held her tears in.

For a moment, the alicorn princesses were struck speechless. "They were going to make you do what?" Rarity finally said.

"They call it the Diaper Dance," Babs said, flinching. A rather painful description of the 'punishment' was repeated.

Rarity gaped in horror, her wings flared. "Why--wh-- those horrible little hooligans!" She swept up Sweetiebelle in her wings.... and backed away a moment later with her muzzle scrunched in distaste. "Euh, you are simply covered in punch and muck, Sweetie," she said. "here--" a tub of wet-naps floated into the room and Rarity began cleaning her squirming sister's face and and hooves off.  Cadence helped chip in; between the two and their telekinesis they had wet-naps assaulting all five of them. "You poor dears, what a wretched thing to have happen..."

"But still... fighting..." Fluttershy shook her head sadly at Bishi. Bishi ducked his head and looked away.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said reluctantly. "I mean, jeez, Scootaloo... getting in a brawl with a buncha colts in the middle of a fancy ball. What am I supposed to say to your folks?" she leaned over when she thought the others' attention was away. "Didja knock him out?" she muttered.

"Dash...!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

"Well hey--"

"Lemme put it this way: what has two green eyes and one black one?" Scootaloo smirked.

"Scootaloo..." Fluttershy said, almost pleading.

"Fluttershy, what ever is the matter with you?" Rarity said, still cradling her little sister in her wings. "Those little monsters assaulted your little brother and our little sisters! Didn't you hear what they were going to do to them if they hadn't fought back?"

"But they should have gone to a grownup and let them handle it," Fluttershy protested.

"Oh yeah, like that ever works," Twilight Sparkle snorted cynically. At the other princesses' surprised looks, she said, "Come on. Why do you think I was so terrified of going back to Magic Kindergarten?" She shook her head. "The Diaper Dance, huh? They still call it that...?"

Princess Celestia looked absolutely stricken as she realized the implications of what her former pupil was saying. She set her teacup down and started to get to her feet. "Oh, Twilight..."

        Cadence moved in from the other side and nuzzled her former charge consolingly. "I'm so sorry, Twily. I never had any idea--"

Twilight waved her off with a wing. "It was long ago," she said dismissively. "Before I was even Celestia's pupil. I'm over it now. Really. No, really." She was careful not to look anypony in the eye. "Anyway, what I was saying... even when I was a filly, 'telling the grownups' never works. "Teachers don't have time for tattletales," Miss Gaskin always said. And even when they did do something it's always just a slap on the fetlock, and it just earns you some petty act of revenge, oh, another swirly or your bookbags in a tree or... the Diaper Dance," she finished, one eyelid twitching. "I'm over it, really--" Cadence just nodded and threw a wing over Twilight's shoulder.

"Yeah, what she said," Babs said. "Doesn't anypony realize that if that 'tell a grownup' stuff really worked, there'd be no bullies in the first place?" she slapped her forehooves on her seat cushion in frustration.  "Bullies aren't stupid. They wait until there are no grownups around. Or till no grownups are looking. Or till no grownups are around who care. And they know how to deal with squealers." She looked ashamed. "How d'ya think I got away with bullying Applebloom right under Cousin Applejack's nose?"

"You seem to regret that now, at least," Celestia noted as an aside. "Why did you ever do it in the first place?"

It was surprising how such a tough little pony could look so forlorn. Babs shrugged. " 'Cause why not? They were so nice and eager to see me, I thought the girls were setting me up-- tricking me. It scared me. Then Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon showed up and everything was back to normal. Kids were getting bullied and nopony was doing anything about it. Except this time I was on the winning side for once."

The mares in the room all looked at one another. Everything was back to normal. what an indictment of the way things were.

"We didn't start anything," Applebloom insisted unhappily. "They ganged up on us!"

Luna spread her wings for attention. "Enough, sisters," she said. "It is apparent the foals here were not to blame."

"Going by their version of events, yes," Celestia said tactfully.

Luna's eyebrows tabled. "Fair enough... suffice it that the Princess of Honesty believed them."

"No she didn't," Applebloom whimpered. "Not a word."

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?" she said, taking a sip from her teacup.

"Ah know that look in her eye. It's her 'Ah'm gonna go find out the truth' look," Applebloom said bitterly, making quote marks in the air with her hooves. "She gits it whenever she thinks I'm lying. Why can't she ever believe me?"

Celestia looked at her sympathetically. "She does, my little pony," she said.

"How would you know?" Applebloom said a trifle belligerently, wiping her eye on her foreleg.

Up to this point Pinkie had remained quiet. "Silly filly," she piped up. "Have you ever known Applejack to not call a liar-pants a liar-pants?" Applebloom shook her head. "Well there you go, silly!"

""If she did not believe you," Cadence said matter-of-factly, "then wouldn't she have said so?"

 

---

Applejack marched through the hallways of Castle Canterlot, snorting. She made no hesitation, swerving neither to the right nor the left, taking each intersection with confidence and determination as if her horn were leading the way.

In a manner of speaking, it was. Applejack was the Element of Honesty. More importantly she was the alicorn of Honesty. Truth was her Element in the way that water was to a fish and her relationship to that Element had only grown with her ascendance. She could follow the currents of fact and truth and information like a bloodhound, in a way that would make Sherlock Holmes rapturous or any hardboiled gumshoe weep with envy. A huge, awful story had been plunked down in front of her just now, and her Element wouldn't let her rest till she saw the whole of it. That was no problem, for she could sniff out the other huge chunk of the story like she was sniffing out the rest of a wheel of stinky cheese.

Meanwhile, in the Canterlot infirmary, PennyWorth and his friends were all nursing their wounds and their grievances. Marzipan was bewailing her fate, despite being the least injured of the group (she had landed on her hairdo wrong. (1)) Ivy was wincing and cursing as the longsuffering nurse dabbed ointment on her cuts and scrapes and on the bald spots on her mane. Ruby Drop was still sneezing up fruit punch. PennyWorth's two testosterone laden goons were the worse for the wear as well; the pegasus was groaning and clutching an ice bag someplace unpleasant while his unicorn friend lay back and waited for the world to stop spinning.

PennyWorth himself was pretty badly off. Unicorn magic had reduced most of the swelling in his lip and eyes and cheeks and nose and-- well, let it suffice that it was only thanks to the nurses that he didn't look like a cross between a prize fighter and a potato. He was clutching an icepack to half his face and seething, plotting their revenge. "Baby Babs has had it!" he snarled. "She's gotta come back to school someday, and the minute she does we're gonna make her life hell. Her and her friends--"

"Da ones already dere, or da ones at da dance?" the pegasus thug managed to groan.

"Both, you plothead!" PennyWorth snapped. He paused and gave a curt laugh. "I got friends and money, I can find a way to make their lives miserable even if they lived north of the Crystal Empire." He sneered as best he could with a busted lip. "Little twerps, trying to pass themselves off as related to nobility.  Man, even that little redhaired corn pone tried to pull that. "Ah'm gonna tell my sister Princess Applejack,' " he mimicked. His sycophants all laughed. "I'm gonna have fun coming up with a way to put her in her--"

He was too busy gloating over his planned revenge to notice that his compatriots had all fallen silent with looks of dread on their faces. He got the message a moment later when an orange hoof planted itself on the gurney he was riding and spun it around, leaving him facing somepony very large, royal, and angry looking.

Applejack had been an earth pony a long time; it was only natural that her magic first and foremost worked through the earth. Her ire spread out through her hooves and into the stone floor. There was a loud rumble; the entire castle trembled, briefly. "Me an' the other Princesses understand you have a little problem with our kinfolk," she said ominously. "Rarity's little sister Sweetiebelle? Fluttershy's baby brother Breezy? My little sister Applebloom? Our cousin Babs?"

She edged forward till she was almost nose to nose with the spoiled colt. "Care ta explain yourselves?"

PennyWorth sat there, frozen, his jaw hanging loose. All that came out of his mouth was a strangled, high pitched "eeeeeeeeeee." It was the squee of the damned.

 

---

Celestia sighed and set aside her cup. "Please understand, children, we do not blame you for what happened. Once all of us calm down and think this over--" here she shot a look at Fluttershy, who stuck out her lip in an uncharacteristic gesture of defiance-- " I'm sure we'll agree. But there are going to be consequences."

"Consequences?" Scootaloo said apprehensively.

Luna rolled her eyes. "The families of the foals whose flanks thou most righteously kicked--"

"Luna--"

"Well, they did-- ahem. Their families are wealthy, powerful and influential. They are already causing a ruckus over what happened which shall only grow louder o'er the coming weeks, both in the royal court and in the press." Luna looked sympathetic. "They are a petty lot, like their foals, and they will strive to make trouble for thy families-- to take petty vengeance--  if we go about as if nought had happened."

"So you're gonna haveta punish us, t' keep them from causin' trouble," Applebloom said unhappily.

The other princesses were about to raise a fuss when Celestia interjected. She smacked one hoof on her velvet cushion. "Certainly not!" she said, miffed. "I won't hear of it. But we will have to... put you someplace away from their immediate attention. The advantage of dealing with petty individuals is that they are petty in every way; they will forget the incident soon enough if given the chance."

"We gotta lay low till da heat's off," Babs translated.

"Youse gots it," Celestia shot back, giving the Manehattan filly a wink. Babs giggled.

"Well, I suppose that it all works out with the plan I had," Twilight said. The foals looked curious as the princesses nodded to each other.

"Indeed, Twilight," Rarity said. "It just gives us another excuse to go through with it."

"What plan?" Scootaloo asked.

At that moment Applejack reentered the room. She had the air of somepony who had confirmed something to her unhappy satisfaction. "Well?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Applejack blew a tuft of her mane out of her face. "Yup," she said. "Just like we was told. Little weasels tried ta tell me they were 'just jokin' around'. When that didn't work they tried to say that this lot jumped 'em." She grimaced in disgust. "They might as well had 'LIAR' lit up on their flanks in neon." She snorted.

"Hey, we're not that puny," Scootaloo muttered.

"Anyway, story confirmed," Applejack concluded.

"You coulda just believed us," Applebloom muttered, pouting. Applejack winced a little.

"Annnnnyway," Twilight said. "I think we were all concluding that this might be a good reason to go ahead with that little plan we spoke about earlier?"

Applejack seemed to think a minute then nodded. "Yep. All things considered it might be for the best."

"Okay, what plan?" Sweetiebelle said.

Rarity tsked. "You see dear, as you know, the girls and I are going to be going on an... extended trip," she said.

"Huntin' for other alicorns," Applejack said.

"...And well, we've been concerned about leaving you three... er, well, four, er, five now... all alone."

"Up to your own devices," Twilight said dryly. "Running amuck in Ponyville without any-- oof!" she rubbed her side where Applejack had elbowed her.

"And now with current events... oh I'll just cut to the chase, dears," Rarity said. "You're going with us."

The foals looked up in surprise. "You mean it?" Sweetiebelle asked, excitement and hope bubbling up. All she'd been looking forward to at this point was going back home after the coronation.

Twilight nodded, smiling in spite of herself. "Yes, you'll each be going with your sisters," she said. At this Sweetie, Applebloom and Bishi brightened considerably.

Scootaloo and Babs deflated a little. "Oh, um. Well... have fun, I guess," Scootaloo said.

Babs grinned awkwardly and scratched the back of her head. "Yeah... write me, Applebloom?"

"Now hold on a minute," Rainbow Dash said with a cocky grin. "Dontcha think honorary sisters count?" She threw a wing over Scootaloo's shoulders. "No way I'm leaving my number one fan behind. Already talked to your folks-- they gave it the go."

Scootaloo's face could have lit up a lighthouse. "Really??"

"Absotively posilutely," Rainbow Dash said. Scootaloo squealed with glee.

"Ayep," Applejack said. "And I don't think I could get away with leavin' Applebloom's favorite cousin behind either. We'll make enough room for ya, Babs." She scowled briefly. "Sides, I don't think I wanna be sending you back to Manehattan so long as those uppity brats have their dander up," she muttered.

"This is awesome!" Sweetiebelle squealed. "We're all gonna tour Equestria together!!" The four fillies leapt at each other in a group hug, jumping up and down and squealing. Breezy Shy, to his mortification, got caught up in the melee as well.

"Girls.. GIRLS!" Twilight shouted for their attention. They stopped hopping up and down. "Not... not exactly together, I'm afraid."  The CMC started looking apprehensive. "You see, we're all going in different directions," the purple alicorn said, sharing a look with her friends. "We have to, to cover more ground. We're going to be gone at least a year as it is. So no... you all won't be traveling together."

The girls all sat down on the floor with a thump. "We're not?" Applebloom said. "We're... splitting up?"

"For a whole year?" Sweetie said in dismay.

"Oh, not the whole time," Twilight said, lowering her head to them and smiling. She flicked her horn and a map of the world appeared next to her. It was covered with multicolored lines and dots and circles. "We're all going to be flying different itineraries, but we'll be stopping, oh, every couple of weeks or so to meet up together. see?" She traced the routes on the map with her hoof. "Besides, think of all the things you'll have to talk about whenever we get back together!"

"Um, yeah, I guess so," Scootaloo said. "But still..." she gnawed at her lip.

Twilight chuckled. "Don't worry, I have a few other things that will make it not so bad," she said. "But for right now, why don't you take a little while, talk it over with your sisters. And your honorary sisters. And cousins. Whatever." She waved a wing.

"Yeah, c'mon kid," Rainbow Dash said, leading Scootaloo to the door. "Lemme fill you in on all the details." The foals and princesses paired off and filed out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Twilight Sparkle sagged in relief.

"Whew!" she said to Celestia and Luna. "I was afraid that was going to be a much harder sell."

"Tis fortunate that the young ones are more or less enthusiastic," Luna agreed. "Methinks they will be, ah, 'all on board' once they know all the details."

"Well I didn't want to look like I was bribing them," Twilight said. "I'd rather they choose to go along because they want to be with their families, not because I stacked up more goodies for them."

"As if a free world tour with six princesses wasn't a bribe in and of itself," Celestia said drolly.

"Yeah, that's a pretty high pile of icing on the cupcake, there, Twi," Pinkie Pie added with a giggle. "I can't wait for all the fun adventures I'll have with MY travel buddy!"

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "Pinkie, the foals are all going with their families, and 'honorary sister'," she said. "Who are you going with?"

"Nawwwwwwt telling," the pink party alicorn giggled. "Not until everypony comes back. I want it to be a surprise!"

 

---

Rainbow led Scootaloo back to her suite. "Sit here, kiddo, I gotta go change out of this monkey suit," she said, ducking behind a privacy screen. "So whaddya think, huh? Pretty exciting, right?" she called out behind the screen.

"Yeah!" Scootaloo agreed. Then she rethought it. "Well..."

"Oh, do I hear hesitation?" Rainbow Dash teased. A garter came flying over the screen, followed by a stocking.

"Well..." Scootaloo looked for the words. "I mean, there's the whole one year away from each other thing--"

"Pfft. That? Don't worry about that," Dash said. The ball gown came over the screen to land in a heap on the floor. "Jeez, there's more layers to this outfit than a wedding cake--- what was I saying? Oh yeah, don't worry about that. Twilight's got that all figured out. Ol' Egghead's come up with for all of us to stay in touch."

"What, dragonfire messages?" Scootaloo guessed.

"Hah! Nah, something way cooler than that," Dash said. "Trust me, you're gonna love it. Grr. Argh!" There was a ripping noise followed by a twang. "Whoo." A somewhat savaged elastic girdle sailed over the screen to join the rest of the discarded clothes. "Never let anypony talk you into wearing one of those things, kid."

"Aren't you disappointed?" Scootaloo asked.

"Come again?"

"Well, you were gonna be a Wonderbolt. And an awesome one," Scootaloo said. "Now you're gonna be a Princess and just sit on a throne all day and stuff..." the disappointment was thick in her own voice.

Dash's head appeared. "Hah! You're gonna love this, kid! I got somethin' better." She disappeared again.

"Better than being a Wonderbolt?" Scootaloo said cynically.

"Check it out. Okay, you know that we're hunting for more alicorns, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well. we're kinda doin' it undercover." Scootaloo 'ooohed' in approval. "Yeah. Already twenty percent cooler. So get this, my cover is that I'm gonna be traveling around doing fundraisers... for hospitals and schools and orphans and stuff like that. Right?"

"Okay..." Fundraising didn't sound all that cool to Scootaloo. It painted a picture of ponies giving boring speeches and selling tickets and stuff.

"Well check out the fundraiser program." A rolled-up poster came sailing over the screen, hitting the filly in the nose. She picked it up and unrolled it... and nearly had a heart attack. WONDERBOLTS CHARITY AIRSHOW, the lettering shouted. "You're touring with the Wonderbolts?" she shrieked.

"I'm headlining with the Wonderbolts," Dash said. "I'm gonna be in the show."

 

"See it's like this," Dash explained. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna say that since I'm a Princess now, I gotta have some hardcore bad dude ponies to be my personal Guard. And what other bunch of hardcore bad dude ponies would even be able to keep up with me but the Wonderbolts?  The show is their cover too."

Scootaloo started to hyperventilate. "But wait," she said. "I thought you-- you couldn't because--"

"Because I'm so awesome now that I'd fly their wings off?" Dash chuckled. "Yeah, that's right. So I'm not flying with them. I'm gonna be flying solo, as the show opener.

"The story's gonna be that I'm the new top level... we're gonna be looking for fliers so awesome that they can keep up with an alicorn princess to fill out the new super top slot. I figure we put out the challenge like that, anyone with some alicorn blood in their veins will come out of the woodwork just to try out." Dash stepped out from behind the curtain. "Course I'm gonna need somepony to be my assistant-- fetch towels and water, help me train, sort my fan mail, that sorta thing..."

"Me?" Scootaloo squeaked.

"You got it." Dash stepped out in the middle of the floor. She was dressed in a Wonderbolts leotard... no, not quite. Instead of the blue-and-yellow lightning unitard of the Wonderbolts,  hers was midnight blue and golden flame. Her face was exposed like in the cadet uniforms, with a headband going just under her horn and a high collar that came up to her cheeks. The head was metallic gold, as were the boots up to the knee on all four legs, and split into golden flames and sparkles that trailed down her shoulders and back, fading to red and indigo. Around her neck was the gold torc of the Element of Loyalty; it blended perfectly with the metallic gold cloth around her face and off her shoulders. She struck a pose.

"Well, kid-- say hello to the world's first FIREBOLT!"

Scootaloo squeed and toppled out of her chair.

 

---

Fluttershy sat and looked at her baby brother.

Breezy Shy sat and looked at his big sister.

For a wonder, Fluttershy was the first to break eye contact. She sighed and lowered her eyes. "Bishi,"she said. "I know you meant well. And you thought you were doing the right thing..."

"I was doing the right thing," Bishi said. He looked down and rubbed one hoof over the other. "I wish you could see that."

"But," Fluttershy pleaded, "Couldn't you have tried something other than fighting...?"

Now it was Breezy Shy's turn to stand up. "No we couldn't!" he said, scowling angrily at his sister. He immediately flushed and withdrew a little from his defiant stance, but he stood his ground. He pulled his training booties out of his jacket and dropped them at Fluttershy's feet. "Why did you and Mother get these for me, then?" he demanded. "Why did you pay for my martial arts lessons?"

"Not for this!" Fluttershy said angrily, glaring and dangerously close to using the Stare.

Bishi was unphased. "Yes it was," he said softly, stamping his hoof. "I asked Sensei why I had to take the lessons. Sensei told me 'because sometimes there are bad ponies who aren't going to stop because you give them a stern talking to.'" His big blue eyes were tender and remorseless. "They were bad ponies, and they were going to do awful things to my friends. Awful things. I protected them. Wouldn't you do the same?"

Fluttershy sighed. "Bishi...." Fluttershy bit her lip. "I.." she broke down. "Yes, you did the right thing. But it still scares me."

"Why?" Breezy asked.

Fluttershy's face crumpled. "Because I know you're just trying to stand up for yourself. I know that you're so much like I am. And I could be an awful pony if I let myself." Her memory flashed back to her first Grand Galloping Gala, to the dragon migration, to Iron Will... " I tried to be assertive too, once. And I hated what I became. I became an awful pony who hurt other ponies and who hurt her friends and who drove everypony away and I don't want that to happen to...." her voice ended in a tearful squeak.

Bishi rested one hoof on her shoulder. "But you didn't stay that way did you?" he asked.

Fluttershy smiled and sniffled, shaking her head no. Bishi smiled. "There, you see? You learned better. I learned better too. Sensei made sure of it. He always tells us 'You don't have to step on somepony else to stand up for yourself.' It sounds like you learned that too. And if you could learn that, I could learn that. I promise, sister, I'll never ever step on somepony else."

Fluttershy pulled her not-so-little brother into a warm hug, wings and forelegs. "When did my baby brother get so all grown up?" She said. "I've missed so much that's happened with you since I left Cloudsdale."

Bishi grinned. "I guess it's good that we're going to spend some time together now, huh?"

 

---

Babs and Applebloom trotted into Applejack's suite, Applejack right behind them. Applebloom was still nursing a bit of a pout. Couldn't Applejack have believed her, just this one---

The door had barely closed behind Applejack before she swept forward, sweeping the two fillies into a hug, startling them both. "I'm so sorry, you two," she said. "What happened to you was downright awful. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I made you feel guilty when you didn't do nuthin' wrong..."

Applebloom squirmed a little. She didn't want to feel better yet. "Then why didn't you believe us?" she said. "Why'd you go runnin' off to get some other pony to tell you, like you couldn't..." like you couldn't trust me, went unsaid.

Applejack groaned and let them go. "I was afraid o' that," she said. She sighed and settled down on the floor next to the two fillies. "Applebloom, you gotta understand somethin'." Applejack ruminated over what to say next. "You know I'm an element of Harmony, right?"

Applebloom looked a bit offended. "Well duh."

"And what element am I?"

"The element of Honesty, DUH."

"Well I'm more than that. I'm also the alicorn of Honesty."

Both fillies cocked their heads in puzzlement. "So how's that different?" Babs said.

"It means that I don't just wear the element anymore," Applejack said, tapping the apple gem on her torc. "It means that Honesty is a part of me now, part of my magic. It's like wearin' the Element all the time, on the inside. And, well, it means I gotta do things a certain way. Like... like a bird's gotta fly because it has wings. Or a fish has to swim because it has fins. Like an itch you just gotta scratch.  If I don't, my Element bugs the fire out of me till I do.

"Y'see, girls, another word for Honesty is Truth. An' a part of Truth is Facts. And to get the Facts, you gotta Get the Whole Story." Applebloom and Babs could hear the capital letters in the words. "When you all told me what happened, I knew right away you weren't lyin', my Element told me that right away. But I also knew I hadn't heard the whole story."

"But I told you everything--" Applebloom protested.

"You told me everything you all knew," Applejack corrected. "But just what you knew, from your perspective. From your side. And Y' cain't see the backside of the barn from the front. My Element wouldn't let up buggin' me till I'd got all the sides of the story. Even if none of 'em told me nuthin' new. I had to go hear them bullies' stories-- lies an' all-- just to be fair. Because honesty is about bein' fair, too-- to everypony. Even the ponies that don't deserve it."

"If I go askin' questions after y'all, it don't mean I don't trust you anymore, darlin'," she said, running a hoof over Applebloom's mane. "It just means I gotta do what I gotta do. Understand?"

Applebloom nodded and threw her forelimbs around her sister's neck. All was forgiven, just that easy. It was hard to keep two Apples apart. Applejack chuckled and pulled Babs in for a hug as well. "C'mere, you. All that goes for you too, little cousin."

Applebloom and Babs let go after a minute and sat back. "So we're really gonna do dis?" Babs asked.

"Ayup." Applejack grinned. "You two an' me, roamin' the countryside beatin' the bushes for more alicorns. Us and a few other ponies too, o' course."

"But what about the farm?" Applebloom asked, suddenly worried.

Applejack gave a hoot of laughter. "That's all taken care of," she said. "The princess--- Uh, Princess Celestia, that is-- picked out some farm workers to go to Sweet Apple Acres and lend a hoof. She's even sendin' some house servants and... um.. a whaddyacallum, a physical there-summeruther..."

"A physical therapist?" Babs said.

"That's the jasper. A physical therapist to look after Granny, give her hoof-rubs and what not." Applejack chuckled. "Best birthday present ever, I bet."

"Oh, brings me to mind--" Applejack flicked her horn; it glowed fitfully, and something wrapped in an amber aura came floating across the room. "Durn, I need more practice," she grunted, as it flopped to the ground at her hooves. "Babs, I hope y'don't mind, but this li'l memento is somethin' I want to keep in the immediate family." Babs shook her head. "Alright then. Applebloom, your grandpaw passed this down to your paw. Your paw wanted to pass it down to Macintosh, but Big Mac already had paw's horsecollar, so he passed it over to me. And now I'm passin' it down to you." With that ceremony she plopped her stetson down on Applebloom's head. It promptly sank down over the filly's ears, engulfing her head.

Applebloom struggled to push the stetson up while Babs giggled fit to bust. "But why?" Applebloom asked.

Applejack smiled wistfully. "Cause I'm a princess now, Applebloom," she said. "All this... these wings, this horn, this journey... they're just the start of all the changes I'm gonna have to go through. I can't just be a farmpony no more; I gotta be a proper princess now, and a proper princess don't wear no cowpony hat."

Applebloom promptly took the hat off and glared at her. "Horseapples."

"Applebloom!" her sister said, shocked. "Such language!"

"And if you say that again, I'll say it again," Applebloom said emphatically. She got up on her back hooves, hat in her forehooves, and reached up to set it on Applejack's head. "You're a princess now, aintcha?" she said as she pushed the hat back in place.

"Yes! That's what I'm tryin'--"

"And that means you get to decide what bein' a proper princess IS," Applebloom said firmly. "Not nopony else. You kin walk around with flapjacks on your head and an apple stuck on your horn and nopony can say boo to ya."

"Well I wouldn't go that far," Babs giggled.

Applebloom gave the hat a final poke. "There." She sat down and put her hoof to her sister's nose. "And don't you dare let nopony tell you to be anypony but yourself, y'hear?"

Applejack chuckled and pulled her sister in for another hug. "Don't you ever change neither, sweet pea," she said. So young, so confident and so alive... I am not going to bury my little sister, Applejack swore. She's going to  see as many years as I do and more, I swear it. Alicorns, you better be ready!

 

---

"I can't believe we're really going to do this," Sweetiebelle said, hopping almost like Pinkie Pie. "I'm so excited I could burst!"

Rarity laughed. "Well try not to, dear, we don't want to make a mess," she teased. She smiled to herself in amusement. Then her smile faltered. "Sweetiebelle..."

"Yah huh?" Sweetie said, still hopping about.

Doubt crept into Rarity's voice. "Sweetiebelle... are you sure that you want to do this? Travel-- with me?"

Sweetiebelle stopped in her tracks. "Sure I do!" she said confidently. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because...all the things you'd miss," Rarity said. "And there's all that travel, and you know how your tummy gets on long trips, and..." and because I will be busier than ever before--- and I neglect you when I'm preoccupied. I can be an insufferable big sister sometimes... could you really bear being stuck with me for such a long time? She thought with a terrible pang of guilt.

Sweetie promptly picked up the wrong hint. Her face fell. "You... you do want me to come along, don't you?" Her ears drooped and her eyes got watery. "...You don't, do you. I know I'm a pain..."

"Oh no no no," Rarity said, turning around and nuzzling her. "Don't ever think that, Sweetiebelle. It's just..." she sighed. "Let's be honest, dear. We really can get on each other's nerves."

"Well yeah," Sweetie said unhappily. "But how is staying away from each other gonna make that any better?"

"Touche'," Rarity said.

"Gesundheit."

Rarity stifled a snicker. "Okay, so maybe it wouldn't hurt spend some time learning to get along," she said. "But are you sure? I mean, you'll get awfully homesick. Heaven knows I'm getting homesick and we haven't even left. Won't you miss Mother and Father?"

Sweetiebelle's eyebrows tabled. "Come on, Rarity," she said. "You know Mom and Dad would be off on another trip sometime soon, and I'd just end up being babysat by somepony. And then I'd just be sitting there all alone in Ponyville missing everybody."

Rarity grimaced. She really needed to take her parents to task about all their little trips. Would it kill them to take Sweetie with them once or twice? "We really don't come from ideal circumstances, do we, dear," she said.

Sweetiebelle shrugged. "Probably not."

"If you're really really certain you want to come on this voyage with me..." Rarity said.

"I'm really really really REALLY certain," Sweetiebelle said firmly.

"Then it's settled." Rarity sauntered over to her wardrobe to change out of her ball gown. Magic made it the work of a few moments. "Uff, heavens. As fabulous as it is, this thing is simply smothering. I must look into more breathable fabrics." She donned a robe and sat down at her vanity to touch up her makeup a bit. "Well now there is one thing you might miss out on at Ponyville," she said, teasing a bit. "Meeting a nice colt. Won't that nice boy, what was his name, Button, miss you?"

"Rariteeee..." Sweetiebelle rolled her eyes. "Button's just a friend--"

Rarity tittered. "That's what they all say, dear."

"Besides, I've met a nice boy here," Sweetie continued. Rarity could see her blush in the mirror. "Bishi."

"Oh. Well." Rarity thought carefully about how to approach this. "I did notice that the other girls seemed rather... fond... of Breezy Shy too. You might want to be careful that he doesn't come between you four."

"Why would he?" Sweetiebelle said, curious.

"Well dear, when two.. or more... fillies like the same colt, they tend to fight over him. That does tend to break up a friendship." Rarity carefully applied a touch of lipstick.

Sweetiebelle shrugged. "We could share him," she said.

Rarity's lipstick promptly graphed a jagged line from her lower lip to her left ear. "Wha--?" She turned and stared at her sister, her carefully groomed eyebrows nearly flying off the top of her head. It took a moment to recuperate. "--Oh very funny, Sweetiebelle," she said. "Now stop being silly--"

"Who's being silly?" Sweetiebelle said. "Lotsa ponies used to have herds."

"That was a long time ago, Sweetie," Rarity said, blinking rapidly.

"Nuh uh," Sweetiebelle said. "Miss Cheerilee says that half the married ponies in Equestria were in herds just fifty years ago."

Rarity sputtered. "Oh balderdash! Besides it's... it's against the law today."

"Nuh uh," Sweetiebelle said. "I asked. It's perfectly fine and legal for a stallion to marry more than one mare, if he so wishes," she recited.

"Who told you that nonsense?"

"...Princess Celestia."

Rarity felt the conversation getting away from her rapidly. "Well that was then and this is now," she said, desperately trying to round up things before they went over the cliff. "We're more civilized these days--"

Sweetiebelle scowled at this. "But there are still lots of ponies who marry in herds, even in Equestria..." she said. " Mom and Dad talk all the time about their friends out in Magic Valley and Salt Lick City. And there's Saddle Arabia....Shoot, even the Zebras--"

"You're not a Zebra!" Rarity half shrieked.

There was a long pause. "Are you saying there's something wrong with marrying a Zebra?" Sweetiebelle said dangerously. "My penpal Jorge is half zebra, and he--"

"No, I'm not saying-- ARGH!" Rarity buried her face in her hooves. What had her half-mad parents been dropping in her little sister's ear?

She felt a tiny hoof on her shoulder. "You really do need this trip, Rarity," Sweetiebelle said soberly. "Travel really broadens your perspective."

Rarity groaned.

"Um, you got some lipstick on your cheek, right there..."

 

---

1)There had been a plethora of fancy and rather pointy combs hidden in her bouffant.

 

 

It was an hour or so later that they all met in Twilight's suite. "So everypony is on board?" Twilight beamed. A round of nods answered her. "Excellent!" Twilight clapped her hooves together.  "Let me fill you in on the arrangements I've already made... Spike?"

Spike came tottering over sleepily from one corner, carrying several scrolls in his arms and balancing a box on his head. "Boy, you guys party late," he muttered, handing the papers and box over to Twilight's magical aura. "If you need me, I'll be in my bed." He yawned again and staggered off.

"Good. Well," Twilight said, magically sorting the papers. "As you already know, we're going to be heading out on a "goodwill tour" that also happens to be a methodical search for more alicorns, nascent or otherwise."

"Nascent?" Scootaloo asked.

"Not ascended yet," Sweetiebelle provided.

"Oh."

"Of course the first problem this brought up was, well, that we'd all be separated, almost the entire time," Twilight said. "And magic scrolls are handy, but kind of time consuming. So I came up with this." She opened the box with a magical flourish. Out floated six circular flat discs....

"Compacts?" Rarity said, bemused as one floated into her hoof.

"Not exactly," Twilight said. "open them up." The girls complied. The cases were shiny metal with ornate runic engravings. Inside was a flat, round mirror, like anypony would expect to find in a compact. Except the mirror--

"Hey, I can see you guys!" Pinkie squealed. It was true: instead of their own reflections, each alicorn saw five small animated faces-- their friends-- staring out at them.

"They're magic mirrors," Twilight said proudly. "They'll let us see each other anywhere we are. And--" she held the compact up to her mouth.

"They'll let us speak to each other, too," the other five compacts said in her voice. The girls all yelped, nearly dropping them. Twilight giggled. "Now we can hold a conversation together whenever we want," she said.

"But what if you just want to speak to one pony?" Rarity said.

"That's easy," Twilight said. "Close them for a minute, would you?"  She cleared her throat. "Ahem. 'Applejack.' "

Glingle ingle ingle. Applejack looked down at hers; it was trilling like a cricket with bells on its legs and one of the gems on it was blinking. "Heh, ain't that clever," she said. She picked it up and opened it. Twilight's face greeted her. Meanwhile her face, blinking in surprise, appeared in Twilight's compact. "You can talk to up to five ponies with mirrors at a time," Twilight said. "Just say their names, or say 'everypony,' and all our mirrors will chime. And look--" she held her compact up and waved it around. The image in Applejack's compact swooped around in the same way, showing everything the mirror faced. "We can show each other whatever we're looking at."

"Cool beans," Rainbow Dash said. "I can see how this'll come in handy."

"Oh, I almost forgot." Five more compacts floated up out of the box, landing in five eager little hooves. "Since they're coming with us, I made a set for the girls and Bishi. Spike already has his own." She smiled. "I figured they'd like a way to keep in touch, too."

"Oh wow-- so awesome-- neat!" The fillies and colt immediately began fiddling with their new toys.

Applejack looked a little worried. "Are you sure, Twi? Those things look a mite expensive and--"

"Eep!" Applebloom fumbled as the slick case slipped out of her hooves. It flipped over in the air and landed with a sickening "crack" on the stone floor--- naturally, just an inch past the edge of the thick plush throw rug.

"Breakable," Applejack finished weakly.

Twilight levitated the compact back into Applebloom's hooves. The filly nervously flipped it open again. She and Applejack sighed in relief as the unbroken mirror lit up again. "Solid oricalcum case, and moonsilver plate behind sapphire glass," Twilight said, a trifle smugly. "You could whack these babies with a sledgehammer and they'd still work. They're made along the same lines as the full size mirrors in the meeting room on each of our zeppelins--"

"Zeppelins?" Scootaloo said in surprise.

"Heh. You didn't think we were gonna strap everything to our backs and fly everywhere ourselves, didja?" Dash teased, giving the orange pegasus filly a noogie.

"Other than certain basic amenities, though, all the ships are currently unfurnished and undecorated," Twilight added. "I figured you'd each prefer to decorate yours to suit yourselves."

"Oooo, guess what that means, Sweetiebelle? Shopping triiiip!" Rarity sing-songed. Sweetiebelle giggled.

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna already picked out the crew and staff," Twilight went on. "There will be a tutor on each ship for Bishi and the girls, so they don't fall behind in school while we're gone."

"Well there goes paradise," Scootaloo said sarcastically. Everyone laughed.

"Don't feel too bad, squirt," Rainbow Dash said wryly. "She's sending along a magic tutor for each of us, too. And somepony to teach us all the fancy princessy-type stuff, too. Looks like you and me are gonna be studdy buddies."

Celestia chuckled. "Don't be too downhearted," she said to the foals. "I think you'll find that having a private tutor suits you. Oh," she added. "Beyond the staff that's been appointed, there's room enough in your payroll to bring along two or three others... any experts or professionals you think might be of assistance in the search." The Elements all nodded seriously, each of them thinking carefully over what sort of help they might bring or need.

"Speaking of which," Twilight said. "Celestia just taught me a new spell that I want to teach all of you now. Could you all, erm, sort of bring your horn tips together...?" Curiousity aroused, the other alicorn princesses complied.

Twilight's own horn lit up and she touched the tip to where all their horns met. The glow spread rapidly down their horns, slowly taking on their respective magical hues. The foals watched, entranced, as their siblings' eyes began to glow.

"Okay," Twilight said. "Like that and... no, right there... that, yes. Does everyone think they've got it?"

"Yeah. Uh huh. Oh my, um, yes...."

Twilight dismissed the magic from her horn. The glow faded and all six sat back, blinking and shaking their heads. "Whoo, Nelly," Applejack said. "Ain't that somethin'."

"Yeah, weird," Dash said, letting out a breath. "Felt like--"

"Like bumblebees flying up and down inside your horn?" Fluttershy proffered.

"Yeah."

"My horn feels like a straw full of fizzy soda!" Pinkie said, eyes crossed.

"You sure you all have it?" Twilight pressed.

"Yeah, Twi. I got it. I can sorta... feel it, sitting down right under my horn," Dash said. The others made sounds of agreement.

"Excellent. That's, well, an alicorn tracking spell, basically," Twilight said. "If you get within a mile or of another alicorn, you'll start to feel it. Any closer and you'll be able to feel the direction."

Pinkie tapped her chin. "Will they be able to feel us?"

Twilight pondered. "I don't know. They might, if they're sensitive enough. The spell is two-way... "

"Hey," Dash said suddenly, pointing at Celestia. "Why didn't you use that horn trick thing to teach Twilight all your magic? Why spend all that time with books and lessons and stuff?"

"She blew the roof off my school at the age of eight, Rainbow Dash," Celestia said with wry amusement. "I figured I'd better take it slow." She chuckled. "Besides, that 'fizzy' sensation is really, really, annoying. Learn too many spells like that, and you spend all your time feeling like your head is a shaken up jug of cola. Do it often enough and you not only have the world's most annoying headache, you can't cast any spells at all."

"Now I've written out our itineraries..." Twilight said. Scrolls flew to each of the mane 6. They unrolled them to reveal maps and lists of locations and coordinates. "I've plotted out a course for us that will allow us to cover the maximum amount of territory with the most thorough... Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?" The party alicorn had a pencil out and was busily scribbling away at her map and itinerary.

"Makin' corrections," she said.

"Pinkie, these don't need corrections," Twilight said, brows furrowed.

"Sure they do! You have mine missing all the FUN stuff!" She pointed. "Look, you have me up here in the North right when Maredi Gras is going on! And I completely miss Rio de JaMare-o during Carnival! And I go right past DizzyWorld without even stopping. Pass up DizzyWorld? NEVER!" She went back to scribbling.

"Pinkie... "

Rainbow Dash held up her own map. "Yeah, I gotta fix some of mine, too," she said.

"What??" Twilight snapped.

"Yeah, look-- you got me and the Wonderbolts in all the wrong places in all the wrong times. If we go here when you say to, that's long past the prime season for airshows and outdoor events. Here you got us arriving in the middle of rainy season. And there's a huge multinational airshow, with all sorts of fliers and flying machines from all over the world, you have us miss that one entirely which looks REALLY weird for the Wonderbolts to be missing..." She looked again. "Oooh, and there's this awesome Rockapalooza fest, definitely gotta swing by that--" She had a pencil of her own out, making changes.

"What, no comic book conventions?" Twilight said sarcastically.

"Oooh, thanks, Twi! Definitely gotta fit that in--" Dash stuck her tongue out and scribbled some more.

Scootaloo stuck her hoof into the map over Dash's shoulder. "Could we see BlastoCon? That's the video game convention, it's really cool--"

"Oh DEFinitely," Dash and Scootaloo high-hooved.

"Argh..."

"Now that y'all mention it..." Applejack said, rubbing her chin.

"Oh not you too!"

"Well come on, Twi!" Applejack said. "Ah'm a farmpony princess. Where else would ah go but to farm country an' county fairs and such? There's the corn festival in Rocky Top, and CiderFest, an' the agriculture convention, and the big rodeos... ponies 're gonna be lookin' for me there!"

"Oh my, that said, I would be remiss to pass up Mareis in Prance, or to not at least pass through... Oh, what about you Sweetiebelle, do you see any places that catch your eye?... "

"Oh, um, if you don't mind Twilight, I would like to catch the butterfly migration again this year--"

All five were soon going over their papers with pencils, quills and correction fluid(1), heads down with their junior compatriots, utterly demolishing Twilight's hours of work. Twilight turned to her mentor, waving a hoof helplessly. "I don't believe this! This is a, a, a serious exploratory expedition, and they're turning it into a vacation tour!"

Celestia laughed merrily. "Oh Twilight, think for a moment. You're sending alicorns out to find alicorns. Where would you search for more alicorns, but where an alicorn wants to go?"

"Indeed," Luna said. "Wouldst thou send a fish to search a desert? Let them go where their hearts, their cutie marks, and their Elements lead them. Tis as efficient a way to search as any, in the end."

"Come now," Celestia teased. "Surely you have a  few places you would like to see while you're out roaming the world?"

Twilight bit her lip, fidgeting as she furiously fought temptation. Finally though she broke. "W-well... I have always wanted to see the ruins of Pommel-pei... a-and there's the Manehattan museum of Natural History--" with that the dam broke. The quill was out and she was rescheduling like mad. "Girls, please at least keep our meet-up locations the same, okay?"

Celestia and Luna shared a knowing smile. Then suddenly Luna had a pink hoof thrown over her withers. "C'mon, Lulu!" Pinkie said. "You gotta help me with this travel plan thingy!"

"What? Why me?" Luna said suspiciously.

"Cause you're coming with me, of course!"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh come on, Lulu," Pinkie said. Luna winced at the nickname. "Everypony is taking somepony. Applejack is taking Babs and Applebloom, Rarity's taking Sweetiebelle, Fluttershy's taking Bishi, Dashie's taking Scootaloo,Twilight's taking Spike--- so I'm taking you!" She beamed. "Besides, I'm still your new faithful student, and you gotta teach me all about my luck magic, remember? And call me a negative nelly but I don't think it'd work as a correspondence course."

"That... is correct," Luna said with a sinking feeling.

Pinkie squashed her nose against Luna's, grinning. "Besides, you need to get out and have some fun! You're always such a grumpy-pony when you're out of the castle, and I'm just the pony to show you how to lighten up a little."

Luna scowled and tried to pull away. "I am not a 'grumpy po -- nyerf," she said as two pink hooves smooshed her cheeks in.

"Awww, Oo's a gwumpy pony ?" Pinkie said, pooching her lip out. "Oo's a gwumpy pony, yes oo is! Don't worry, Auntie Pinkie will fix everything!"

"I'm several millenia older than you," Luna growled. She pulled away and looked at her sister and beamed her one telepathic word:

Help!

Celestia just smiled. "Well, you two have fun..."

 

---

1) white hoof-polish, actually.

The bell on the front door of the bookstore jingled. The young mare at the counter looked up from her cheap paperback, her eyes half-lidded with disinterest, fully expecting another idle browser. Her eyes flew wide when she saw who it was. She spit out her chewing gum and hastily dropped into an awkward bow as Princess Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of the Element of Magic, strode majestically through the front door.

The counter clerk was forced to correct herself; the princess wasn't exactly striding. She seemed more to be... hopping. Skipping with glee, actually, with a big grin on her face as she looked all around the store. She looked for all the world like a filly on her first unsupervised trip to the candy store. Her two stern-looking royal guards, wearing her cutie mark as their heraldry (on the breastplate of their oddly spray-painted looking armor)  took positions just inside the doorway as she skipped merrily up to the counter. "Oh, um--- you may rise," she said.

The counter filly got to her feet. "May I help you... your Highness?" she said nervously.

"Oh, yes!" Princess Sparkle leaned over the counter, resting her chin on her hooves. "You know, I used to shop at this very bookstore all the time when I was a student," she said conversationally. "I just had to stop by here. You see I'm going on an extended trip soon and I would like to stock up on some reading material."

"Can I... fetch you something?" the counter mare said.

"Yes," Twilight Sparkle said. She suddenly started hopping in place. "Ooo I've always wanted to do this... I'll have one copy of each."

"Uh, one of each of what?"

Princess Sparkle looked out the door to the carriage still standing in the street. Her horn lit and a brass-trimmed chest floated in the door and settled on the counter. It popped open; it was filled to overflowing with bits.

"Everything! Eeeee!!" Princess Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of the Element of Magic, co-ruler of Equestria and member of the newly minted Octarchy, started doing a gleeful hoofy-dance.

 

---

"Now, to begin at the beginning, we must needs explain the actual nature of thy powers." Luna said in a serious voice.

"Uh Huh," Pinkie said obediently.

The two alicorns were on board their airship, awaiting delivery and loading of supplies they had both ordered. Luna had noted that her new pupil Pinkie was abnormally calm and quiet, and had decided that this would be a good opportunity to give her an impromptu first lesson. To that end they had retreated to the cabin for a bit of quiet. Pinkie had plopped her rump on the floor, and Luna had begun lecturing on the nature of Pinkie's powers.

"To wit, the roots of thy unique powers lie in a very simple premise: thou hast the ability to see-- and move-- in more dimensions than others. There are three concepts, intertwined:  Time, Space, and Probability," Luna said, pacing back and forth. "Thou knowest, I assume, that simple space is made up of three dimensions, height, width and depth--" here a glowing graph appeared in midair, illustrating. "-- and the fourth, Time.  In essence, time and space are the same sort of thing... dimension. We can all see and move in those dimensions, within limits. There are higher dimensions as well..."

Pinkie Pie raised her hoof like a schoolfilly. "Oh, like directions-- up, down, left, right, before, after, maybe, maybe not, purple, orange--" At Luna's bewildered expression she shrugged. "Well, that's what I call 'em."

"Ahhh... quite," the lunar princess said. She shook her head and continued. "The point is: all those things are directions, along which you can see.. or move, given the right power and the right circumstances. Even what might be, and what might not be, are essentially directions one takes along a higher plane.

"In brief, thy gift is the ability to see, and to some extent move, in more directions than those few to which ponies are limited."

"Consider this." A hollow, translucent tube appeared in the air. "Imagine that this tube is Time. In one direction is the past, in the other is the future." A miniature pony appeared inside the tube and began walking along it. "As time passes, you move along it, from yesterday into tomorrow. Most ponies can only see the past, and the present, but not the future." The tube ahead of the pony suddenly fell dark, lighting up only as the miniature pony traveled along with it. "But your special gift allows you to see ahead of yourself--" the pony turned pink, with a frizzy mane... and the tube ahead of it lit up.

Pinkie waved a hoof again. "But my Pinkie Sense only works for little things a little ways ahead," she said. "Or really big big things-- but only a little further ahead. Why can't I see all the way to Next Tuesday, or Hearthwarming Day, or further?"

"An astute question. The answer lies in probability." The tube suddenly branched ahead of the pony, who stopped. "Now suppose you were to make a decision by flipping a coin. On one path, the coin turned up heads. On another path, the coin turned up tails. Now suppose you flipped the coin again... and again..." each branch forked, then forked again. "Each branch is a different path, a different choice. And the further you go, the more possible choices there are." The tube turned so that Pinkie could look down it. "As you can see, this makes the tube all... bendy and turny. so you can only see to the nearest fork, at most."

Pinkie "Ohhhh"ed. The tube turned sideways between them again. "Unless the tube is really really big, right? Which means its the one Little Pinkie is most likely to go down. Or there's something really really big and bright and shiny down one tube that shines bright enough to see, even around corners."

"A... fair description," Luna nodded. "The more likely a path of choices is, the more clearly you can 'see' it, unconsciously, and select it.

"For those with the Luckmaking gift, this 'sight' takes a lot of different forms. Some hear sounds or voices. Others see ghostly images, or have strange hallucinations. You, in particular, feel little twitches and itches and spasms when a notable event... it is your unconscious mind alerting you to something your conscious mind does not quite see.

"The more interesting aspect of your gift is that you are able to change which branch is most likely to happen." One path through the branching tubes widened. "Again, not by much, and not very far ahead... but enough to make a tangible difference. Like making it more likely that a load of furniture will fall on someone spying on you. Or that a pony playing tic-tac-toe with you will make a move that will let you win." The mini-Pinkie trotted down the widened path. "Thus far you have done it entirely unconsciously, entirely by instinct. But with time and training you will be able to do so at will."

"Can you and Princess Celestia do all that?"

Luna shook her head. "Twas not part of our natural gifts," she said. "What we know of it, was gained through centuries of study and practice, and e'en then I am incapable of doing nearly as much nor as easily as thee. And dear sister--" Luna shrugged. "She can do little more than change a single coin-flip or a roll of the dice. Though she has managed to get herself in and out of unimaginable trouble countless times, it has been due to ruthlessly thorough planning, not the twisting of odds. Besides, she doth not like using it much."

"Why not?"

Luna paused. "We get the impression that she thinks it's cheating...

"Moving on. As thou art able to navigate, within limits, through the bends and curves of time, thou art also able to move and see through the bends and curves of space." The tube turned into a thin, flat plane. The little pony reappeared and began walking across it. "Space, like time, has bends in it-- ripples and curves and waves." the thin sheet warped and bent, developing folds and wrinkles. "Again, most ponies are unaware of these wrinkles, because they travel along the surface..." the mini pony continued to walk along the undulating surface of the sheet. "But because thou art able to see in the extra directions we spoke of, thou art able to see the wrinkles and bends, and take shortcuts across them." The mini-Pinkie appeared and, confronted by a huge looping roll in the sheet, instead hopped across a narrow space where it crimped together. "Thou doest this instinctively." Luna smiled. "Which is rather confusing to the other ponies thou knowest."

"Ohhhh." Pinkie poked at the illusion with a hoof, comprehension dawning. "You mean nopony else can see this stuff?" she said. "So that's why my friends act all funny when I take my special shortcuts, or I get stuff out of my special hiding places! That's so weird!"

Luna smiled to herself. It was all a matter of perspective. While Pinkie's antics may have been baffling to her friends, their inability to understand was just as bewildering to her. It would be like living with ponies who couldn't use windows or doors. "Of course, I am sure you have noticed, or you shall, as your awareness grows, that there are limits to your gifts. The universe is... resilient. It swiftly mends itself, and is resistant to change from the norm beyond certain small amounts. The greater the change, the greater the resistance and the impulse to snap back to the norm. There are gaps too wide for one to cross, and things one can no more readily change--- such as the past--- than one can push a mountain out of place. You will be able to do far more now that thou art an alicorn, and more importantly art aware of what thou art doing. But thy abilities are a gift and an advantage... not an absolute power."

Pinkie nodded, surprisingly sober. "So, what do I have to learn first?"

"Thou canst do much already with thy gift. But again, it is all instinctive. The many paths and possibilities are too numerous for the waking mind to sort through... so the unconscious, the sleeping mind, sifts through them for you, dropping faint hints to your conscious mind. Thy first goal, therefore, is to learn to consciously select the paths and directions thou desirest; to alter chance at will, to foresee with clarity, to move along those 'extra" spatial directions without using the mental sleight-of-hoof tricks thou currently useth to fool thyself-- ducking out of sight to appear elsewhere, or reaching for things with thy hoof with thy eyes averted."

"Oh, you mean like this?" Pinkie stuck her hoof in her mane. when she pulled it out, she was wielding a small alligator.

Luna lurched back, eyes wide. "Ack! Um, yes, like that... " The alligator blinked and made a burping noise at her. Luna peered at it warily, head cocked sideways. "What in the cosmos..."

"Oh this is Gummy, my pet alligator." Pinky beamed.

Well that explains the aquarium the longeshoreponies loaded earlier, Luna thought. "Where didst thou get him from?" Luna asked.

"The swamp."

Luna's eyebrows tabled. "I meant where didst thou fetch him from, just now?" she clarified patiently.

"The swamp, like I said," Pinkie said. She held Gummi up in her hooves. "See? His feet are still wet."

Luna made the mistake of leaning in too close. Without warning the diminutive swamp predator lunged forward and snapped its jaws shut on the end of her muzzle. Her shriek of dismay nearly blew out the cabin windows.

"Oooh, he likes you!" Pinkie cheered.

Luna shook her head frantically, finally dislodging the beast and sending it flying. It tumbled through the air and landed on Pinkie Pie's head, where it simply sat and blinked unemotionally at everything. Luna felt her muzzle carefully, checking for toothmarks and finding none. A second glance at the lizard confirmed it; the creature had no teeth. "Why in the Maker's name do you have a toothless alligator as a pet?" Luna asked as calmly as she could manage.

"Cause the ostrich egg wouldn't fit in the aquarium, duh," Pinkie said, rolling her eyes.

"Wait. What?"

"Delivery for Princess Pie," somepony said. Luna looked up. A burly workpony was standing at the door, holding a clipboard. Eager to distract herself from the fact that she had just been bested by a toothless reptile, Luna strode up to the bowing stallion and took the clipboard from him. Her eyebrows rose as she read the manifest.

"One hundred bowling balls... three hundred and sixty five 'happy pine tree' carriage air fresheners... twenty four ACME brand cannons....a blender...  six hundred boxes of instant cake mix.... one ton of confetti.... one hundred forty four pink flamingos... a bag of marbles... five bags of fortune cookies... a lug wrench... a box of elephant prophylactics... Five cans of purple paint... five cans of yellow paint... five cans of PINK paint... one jelly-bean pooping plastic moose... five spare tires... a rubber life raft... eight thousand Kewpie pony dolls(1)... a giant flyswatter...a toaster.... one pair of each kind of 'Groucho Marks'(2) glasses.... one live parrot... one dead parrot, stuffed..."

Luna's eye twitched. Should I be concerned that I can imagine what she intends to use at least half of these things for...? she wondered.

"Oh goodie!" Pinkie said, hopping (literally) to her hooves. "Scuse me, Lulu, but I gotta go put this stuff away."

"We knowest our sister did give thee and thy fellow Bearers access to the royal coffers," Princess Luna said in growing bafflement, "But whence didst thou purchase this disparate assembly of goods..?"

"Mail order," Pinkie said blithely, hopping off after the longshorepony. She tugged a book as thick as her leg from under the gator sitting on her mane and hoofed it to Luna on her way out the door. Luna read the title:

"WHOLE EARTH CATALOG."

Thus ended Luna's first lesson: no matter how much one explained her abilities, her history or her nature, Pinkie Pie was still Pinkie Pie.

 

---

"... and I know you all want to come along, but there's really not enough room, and besides some of you get such tummyaches when you travel," Fluttershy said. "Don't worry. Mr. Hayseed promises that he'll take good care of you all while I'm gone."

The Alicorn of Kindness was standing in the royal gardens. All her animal friends were standing in a semicircle in front of her, snuffling and whimpering and looking woeful. It was like being assaulted with a dozen Sad Puppy posters simultaneously. "Oh, please don't cry," Fluttershy pleaded. "Angel Bunny and I will write you all every day, I promise--"

Overwhelmed, the grizzly bear grabbed her and mashed her to his chest in a crushing hug. The pastel pony's eyes bugged. "Ack-- too tight, Mister Bear," she managed to squeak out. The bear let her go with an apologetic whuffle. "That's all right," Fluttershy panted, smoothing her rumpled mane out. "You meant well."

"Are you ready to go, Big Sister?" someone called faintly. Breezy Shy came striding into the garden. He smiled and bobbed his head meekly at the animals gathered around Fluttershy. They cheeped, chittered, or rumbled a greeting, as was their nature.

"Oh, certainly, Bishi," Fluttershy said, smiling. "We do have a lot of things to prepare before we start our journey. Excuse me, little friends--" the bear whuffed "--and big friends, but we have to be going. Buhbye..." With a final wave she left the garden, following her little brother.

Soon they were in the thick of the city. Two royal guard ponies fell in beside them. They went surprisingly unnoticed as they trotted down the avenue. Of course the sunhat Fluttershy was wearing over her horn might have had something to do with it, she realized. She was rather thankful that she hadn't gotten as tall as Celestia or Luna.

Fluttershy used her magic to pull a list from her saddlebag. "I'm so glad Twilight made up this pre-flight checklist for us," she said. " I know I would forget half these things before we left..." She looked over and noticed that Breezy Shy was looking rather anxious, looking about for something. "Is something wrong, Bishi?"

"Oh, um, no, not really," Breezy said, ducking his head. "I was just hoping to see my sensei before we set sail."

"Oh, he's here in Canterlot?"

Bishi nodded. "He's opening a new dojo today," he said.

"Well, I'm sure we can take the time," Fluttershy said. "Where is this new dojo?"

"It should be on this street," Breezy answered, looking around. His face brightened suddenly and he pointed. "There it is!" He started galloping across the street to a rather Neighponese looking building with an enormous Kanji sign over the doorway.

"Bishi--!" Fluttershy exclaimed, galloping after him, their two guards clattering behind. When she got across the crowded street her little brother was already bowing to a figure standing in the front door. When she saw who it was, her jaw nearly scraped the sidewalk. It was an enormous, powerfully muscled minotaur in a red karate gi, returning her little brother's bow.

"Iron Will?"

The minotaur heard his name and turned to her. "Ah, Princess Fluttershy," he said. His voice was unnaturally calm. No, Fluttershy corrected herself. Serene. He pressed his palms together and gave her a ceremonial bow. "So you are the elder sister of one of my best pupils? I recognized the name but I did not make the connection."

"You know each other?" Breezy said in surprise, looking from one to the other.

"You, um, might say that," the princess said, looking aside awkwardly.

"Indeed we do," Iron Will said, in that startlingly tranquil voice. "You remember the story I told you, of my greatest and most important failure?"

This really surprised the colt. "Really? That was her?" He said, unbelieving. Fluttershy winced. His greatest failure?

Iron Will seemed to notice her wince. He chuckled. "Allow me to clarify. I tell all my students this story, because of its importance. How I was once a motivational speaker, trying to teach ponies assertiveness and self esteem. Till one day I took on a client-- a timid pegasus-- who took to my training seminars like a duckling to water." He smiled ruefully. "And it nearly ruined her life. She became everything she was not: aggressive, pushy, angry, even unfeeling and hurtful."

Fluttershy had blushed redder and shrunk down further with every word; at this point she was just shy of disappearing behind her own mane. "You, um, heard about that, did you?" she mumbled.

"I saw the property damage."

Fluttershy meeped.

"Finally, she refused to pay, invoking my satisfaction guarantee. I left empty handed-- and humbled." His smile broadened. "Which is why I call it my greatest--" he held up a finger-- " and most important failure." Fluttershy looked up in surprise.

"It was only when she refused to pay because she was so unhappy with the results that I realized my assertiveness training, for all it's effectiveness, was-- incomplete. It lacked balance. It was assertiveness without empathy, aggression without compassion, confidence without kindness. It was nothing but being brash and proud without anything to justify it, and much to belittle it.

"Confused, I closed down my seminars and began searching for the missing component. I found it in a distant land--"

"In Neighpon?" Fluttershy ventured.

"In Fresno. There was a dojo there with a pony who taught me the way of Karate-- the empty hand. Er, Hoof." He scratched the back of his head.  "I learned there to have strength with focus, and that meekness is not weakness, it is strength under control."

"That you don't have to step on others to stand up for yourself," Bishi chipped in.

Iron Will nodded to the colt. "My dojo's motto," he said to Fluttershy, cocking an eyebrow.

Fluttershy surprised herself by giggling. "Well, it's not as snappy as 'If they block, show them you rock," she said. "But it's catchy enough."

"So what brings the Princess of Kindness to my humble dojo today?" Iron Will asked.

"My little brother," Fluttershy said simply. "He wanted to say goodbye."

At Iron Will's questioning look, Breezy Shy filled him in. "We're going on a long trip," he said, shuffling one hoof. "We're looking for--" he paused. "Um, important stuff. I don't know when I'll be back to the dojo again, and I just wanted to say goodbye, and I'll miss you." He looked up a little sadly.

"Well then, thank you for giving me this opportunity, Breezy," Iron Will said. "I shall miss you, as well. And do not say goodbye. Say 'Till we meet again.' I have learned much from you." He looked at Fluttershy. "From both of you. Thank you both." He bowed deeply to them both.

Fluttershy dimpled. "And... I suppose we both have learned much from you, too," she said. "Thank you, Iron Will." She and breezy both returned the bow, their wings flaring gracefully.

 

---

"...And this is the, um..." Applejack waved a hoof absently at the opulent room she, Applebloom and Babs found themselves in.

"The royal cabin, your highness," one of the guards standing next to her muttered in her ear.

"--The royal cabin, where we'll be hangin' our hats," Applejack finished. "Thank ya, Zeke," she muttered. "stick close and keep feedin' me cues, fellas, I'm lost as a chicken in a cornfield."

Unlike the rest of the Bearers, Applejack quite frankly had no clue whatsoever as to how to outfit her ship. She wasn't high society, she didn't have a clue what she'd need for a long quest like this, and she was stumped for any ideas on how to outfit a royal airship, of all things, for the comfort of an earth pony like herself. She did know how to delegate, though. Once Twilight had written out that checklist, Applejack had promptly turned to a couple of the servants Celestia had given her, handed the list to them, said "Gussy it up, but keep it in budget" and left them to it. It was with some dry amusement that Applejack noted that her own zeppelin was fully furnished and kitted out before any of the others.

To pass the time before the big launching, she and the girls were taking a tour of their new home-away-from-home. From what she could see the fancy looking ponies she'd picked(3) had done a bang up job. The ship had all the comforts of home and then some. Nothing was excessively frilly or fru fru, but everything was top quality and sturdy built, and even a bit plush, here and there. The kitchen was top notch, the larders were stocked full of good hearty food, the bathrooms had a nice big shower and tub, a fancy sit-down hair dryer and all the primping tools a princess could ever need, even a magically heated seat on the... well, you know.... the furniture was comfortable and the beds were as plush and soft as a featherdown dream. It might not be as fancy paints as Rarity's airship was bound to be, but it was as luxurious as anything the Apples had ever had.

The cabin in particular was well fitted out. It had a large writing desk to one side, a table in the center for dining and for meetings, a couple of bookshelves, a beverage cabinet full of cut glass decanters, and a four poster bed large enough for a whole pony family.

Applebloom and Babs took one look at the enormous four poster bed in the cabin and ran straight for it with the full and obvious intention of bouncing on it like a trampoline. "Wheee!" they both shouted. They leaped up onto the bed-- and disappeared with a flumph.

Both the guards broke up laughing. Applejack wasn't doing too good at keeping a straight face herself. After a moment Applebloom's ribboned head poked back up out of the mounds of pillows and pegasus-down comforters. "Hokey Smokes, Applejack," she said. "Yer gonna need a snorkle to sleep in this thing!"

Two orange hooves poked up out of the bed and waved in the air. "What'd dey make dis thing outta, marshmallow fluff?" Babs demanded, her voice muffled.

Shaking with laughter, Applejack used her still-shaky levitation to help the two climb back out of the pitfall of a bed. "Well we know the beds are nice an' soft," she chuckled as they tumbled to the floor. "So whaddya think of our little home away from home, eh?

"I think it's the bee's knees," Applebloom said enthusiastically. "I'm up for the trip!"

Applejack grinned. "What about you, Babs? At the very least you'll get away from your problems back in Manehattan for awhile." At this, Babs' face fell. "Hold on, what wrong, sugarcube?"

"Oh, nuthin' really, Cousin Applejack," Babs said. "I.. I'm just kinda worryin' about my friends at school. The other Manehattan Cutie Mark Crusaders, you know? I feel kinda bad. I mean, I'm getting away, but they're gonna be stuck back there with Pennyworth and his jerk friends."

Applejack let out a snort of amusement. "Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that none..."

 

---

The pegasus carriage landed at the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Six very unhappy looking colts and fillies piled out. Their baggage hit the dust behind them, and without a second glance back the carriage rattled off, going airborne a ways down the road and leaving them behind. Pennyworth, Ivy, Marzipan, Ruby Drop, Bullhorn and Air Drop found themselves facing a withered old nag of a mare with an apple pie cutie mark and an absolute hulking monster of a stallion who wore a heavy wooden yoke around his neck like it weighed no more than a bow tie.

The red stallion eyed them all up and down with half lidded eyes, chewing on a stalk of grass, but said nothing. The old mare wasn't so quiet. "Yer late," she said.

"Hey, that ain't our fault," Pennyworth said, trying to put on an air of indifference. "We didn't fly the carriage ourselves."

"Ah didn't say it was yer fault, I just said yer late," the mare said. "Not that I care either way.

"As I understand it, you six whippersnappers got yerself in a peck o' trouble," she went on. "Pickin' on foals, startin' fights in the royal palace. And If I don't miss my guess," she said, giving Pennyworth's still-bruised face the gimlet eye, "You found out the hard way you dun picked on the wrong pony. But that don't surprise me; it takes a special kind o' fool to pick on the kinfolk of the Princesses." The bullies scowled or flinched, but said nothing.

"Anyhow, we got word from Princess Celestia that you little hooligans got the deal of the century. Instead a' sendin' you to JUVIE HALL for assaultin' royalty--" here the six of them did flinch ---" Th' Princesses are lettin' you work off your debt to society here on the farm." The old mare seemed to catch Marzipan's grimace and decided to ladle it on. "That means pullin' weeds, haulin' wood, mendin' fences, plowin' and hoein' fields, sloppin' the hogs--"

"Slopping hogs??" Marzipan shrieked. "I can't be around filthy, smelly pigs!!"

"Never stopped ya before," the old mare said sarcastically.

"Heyyy---" Air Drop complained. She just ignored him.

Pennyworth snorted disdainfully. "You can't make us do anything..."

The nag cocked an eyebrow at him. "And you can't make us feed ya," she said. "Maybe you ain't figgered it out yet, boy. Celestia done told your parents to cut you off." The six miscreants gaped. "That's right. You ain't gonna buy your way out with Daddy's money here in Ponyville. And out here yer fancy name don't mean tiddly boo. You got no money, and you ain't got noooo credit. You dun been blackballed, boy."

She got right up in Pennyworth's face, squinting at him with one eye. Her breath smelled of stale apples. "You'll do what we say, when we say it. You'll get up with the rooster and go to bed with the hens, and you'll do all the work we give you in between and like it. And if'n ye don't-- ye don't eat till ya do." She backed off, turned around and headed up the trail to the farmhouse. "Git yer things," she said. "Big MacIntosh here will show y'all where you'll be sleepin'. Him an' the other workers the Princesses sent will git ya started."

She looked over her shoulder. "By the way: from time to time you'll be goin' into Ponyville. If'n I git word you've been bullyin' any of the colts or fillies there like you did my granddaughters, I'll light you up like a Hearthwarming tree."

"And then when I'm done I'll hand over what's left of ya to Big MacIntosh." That said, she walked off.

The six froze in the act of picking up their luggage. "Her... granddaughters?" Ruby Drop squeaked.

"Wait," Pennyworth said unhappily.  "Sweet Apple Acres. As in the Apple family? You mean they're related to..."

A shadow fell over him. He looked up to find Big MacIntosh looming over him like a mountain of doom. The enormous stallion picked up their luggage and piled it on his back, carrying all of it as effortlessly as if it was filled with feathers. He put his blunt, shaggy maned head down till he was eye to eye with Pennyworth.

"Eeeyup," he said.

He strode off for the farmhouse.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Bullhorn spoke for all of them.

"Oh, horseapples," he whimpered.

 

 

---

1)-- pink with pink hair, white with purple hair, purple with purple hair, orange with yellow hair, yellow with pink hair, blue with rainbow hair, white with rainbow hair, and dark blue with dark blue hair.

2)Yes, there's a pony named Groucho Marks. He's world famous for his comedy props, most particularly his wide selection of goofy glasses-- x-ray specs, spiraly eyes, slinky eyes, coke bottle nerd, and of course the ones that got him his cutie mark as a colt, the classic goofy-nose-with-mustache.

3)A rather confused footman and chambermaid.

"You're gonna check out everypony's airship, aren't ya," Sweetiebelle said as they trooped down the gangplank. It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes, yes we are," Rarity said.

"Aren't you gonna make them mad?" Sweetiebelle said artlessly.

"Well-- yes, I might, " Rarity confessed. "Really, though, it's better if we do it than to wait for somepony like Hoity Toity or some dreadful gossip magazine to do it, isn't it?"

"Why?"

"Well let me put it this way, Sweetiebelle," Rarity said. "Suppose Applebloom or Scootaloo had something embarrassing-- like, oh, their manes were sticking up like a fright wig, or they had something icky on their faces, and they didn't know it. Wouldn't you rather be the one to tell them, than have some mean pony tell everyone?"

Sweetiebelle shuddered as she pictured her friends falling into the clutches of Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon that way. "I guess so," she said.

Rarity was in a bit of a tizzy. Ever since their ascendancy, her delight in being not merely a princess but an alicorn princess had been overwhelming-- but she had been nagged by certain gnawing worries. Her own fitness to fill the role of royalty, and to a lesser degree the readiness of her friends for such a thing. She was a fashionista, not a fool, and she knew that style and image among the rich, noble and powerful was just about everything and... well, she had to be honest, she loved her friends dearly but as far as style and image went, they were SO not ready. When she had heard the girls were all decorating and refurbishing their respective airships, any plans for her own shopping immediately went by the wayside--- they simply had to; she would never forgive herself if she let her friends go out on this epic diplomatic mission with anything less than a vessel outfitted in a manner worthy of princessly fabulousness.

To her surprise and relief, Twilight and Applejack both had left such matters as haute decor to their staff.  Fluttershy's own sense of style-- dressmaking disasters to the contrary-- was as marvelous as Rarity's own (and if all else failed, Fluttershy was sure to go along meekly with any suggestions her staff made.)  Pinkie Pie... she really just gave up as a lost cause. Rarity knew better than to try to ice skate uphill.

The thought of Rainbow Dash as an emissary for the land of Equestria, however, was enough to throw Rarity into an apoplexy.  When Rainbow Dash had bragged that she had pretty much gotten everything in her ship squared away, days before anypony else, Rarity had decided her own equipage could wait. She took Sweetiebelle and made a beeline for Rainbow Dash's ship, visions of a diplomatic ship plastered in Wonderbolt posters and littered with pizza boxes hovering before her eyes.

This was going to take some tact.. and some tactics.

"Princess Rarity and, erm, Duchess I believe? Duchess Sweetie Belle, yes-- requesting permission to board?" Rarity said at her most demure.

The crewpony at the gangplank called it back. "Permission granted," the call came back, in a familiar raspy voice. Rainbow Dash popped up over the rail. "Hey, Rares," she called out. "Welcome aboard the Thunderstreak." She puffed out her chest a bit. "What brings you by?"

Rarity ascended the gangplank with her typical grace, Sweetie Belle trailing along behind. "Well  I simply had to come by and see you before we set sail, dear," Rarity said. She stepped aboard and gave her friend a look. Then a second one. To her surprise, Rainbow Dash was wearing her element necklace. She was also wearing the gilded sandals and the gilded laurel-leaf barettes from her Gala outfit.

Rainbow noticed Rarity giving her the once over and grinned. "Something wrong, Rarity?" she asked.

"I-- well, darling, you never seemed the one for adornment, after all," Rarity said. She noted that the former pegasus' mane and tail were neatly groomed, as well. Interesting. One would suppose though that even Rainbow Dash couldn't elude her staff's attempts to groom their princess forever.

"Eh well... I guess maybe there's no getting around some parts of this gig," Rainbow said with an air of resignation. A moment later Scootaloo came trotting up from below decks. The little filly was wearing a Rainbow Dash t-shirt and carrying a clipboard. Her usual fan paraphrenelia, a hat with a rainbow mane glued to the top, was missing and had been replaced with a winged baseball cap. Still a bit kitschy, but at least not as unsettling to look at. "New hat, Scootaloo?" Sweetiebelle piped up.

"Yup!" Scootaloo grinned.

"Yeah, I talked her into trading that thing in," Rainbow said. "At least this one doesn't look like she scalped me."  Scootaloo looked mortified at the very notion while Sweetiebelle giggled.

"Well, would it be forward of me to ask for a little tour of your airship?" Rarity said. "I would so love to see what you've done with it--"

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Yeah, and make sure I don't embarrass us all, right?" She said. "Oh c'mon, Rares, it's me here! I know you're just looking out for us. C'mon, we'll give you the nickel tour." They did a quick trot through of the guest quarters, the crew quarters, the dining hall...

Rarity was floored. "Why Rainbow Dash, this is... this is elegant!" She stood in the middle of the dining hall, turning about. Like the other rooms, everything had been painted in soft cloud white. Banisters and balistrades were gleaming bronze. The furniture was all light and airy pieces with fine scrolled metal frames and neat, but marvelously soft padding. Fine Roamin scrollwork was visible-- not much, just a touch here and there. The table in the dining hall was covered in fine linen and a quick peek in the pantries had revealed fine, if not particularly ornate, china and silverware. It wasn't all particularly baroque, but anypony of any upper social clique would feel perfectly comfortable here. And so would someone from the more pedestrian classes, Rarity realized. Elegant enough for the upper crust, simple enough for the, ah, down home types. Rainbow Dash, it seemed, had some surprising depths.

"Don't get too giddy," Rainbow Dash said.  "I just told 'em to go Cloudsdale retro, and let 'em go at it."

"Cloudsdale Retro?" Rarity said, blinking.

"Yeah," Dash said. She looked down and scuffed a hoof. "It's my Mom's favorite style. Did everything in the house that way that Dad would let her. She's always been a real classy lady. Kept my Dad and me from turning into caveponies. Heh. I figured if Cloudsdale Retro was good enough for her, it was good enough for me. And there's a practical reason too."

"How so?"

Dash grinned. "Repeat after me. Clouds-daaaale.   Us pegasi are awesome at making stuff super tough and super light. Kinda comes with having houses made outta cloud. Don't want your sofa falling through the floor after all."

Rarity had a vision of some poor unfortunate earth ponies getting an ottoman through their roof. "Yes, that would be bad," she said.

"Anyway, all Cloudsdale furniture and fixtures, equipment, right down the the silverware in the dining hall-- nothing made outta clouds, guests and stuff, ya know. But I figure we saved at least fifty tons in weight."

"That much?"

"It adds up quick. Yeah, I figure with the lower weight and the new engines, this baby is gonna just zip through the air faster than anything out there." Rainbow Dash made 'zooming' motions through the air with her hooves.

Rarity chuckled to herself. It would be all about the speed to Rainbow Dash, in the end.

 

---

"...And I realized you might have your hooves full at the moment, and selecting your security detail might be-- a bit far from your foremost thoughts," Celestia said. "So I thought to offer some recommendations."

"Thank you, Celestia," Twilight Sparkle said. "I have to admit the thought did cross my mind to ask you." They strode up the gangplank of Twilight's airship, the Guiding Star. As they stepped aboard, a guard in golden armor called out "Princess on Deck! Atten HUT!" eighteen ponies snapped to attention.

"At ease," Celestia said. "Thank you, Lieutenant." The ponies relaxed, but just. "As you can see you have five pegasi, five thestrals, five unicorns and five earth ponies in this group. Oh excuse me, seven pegasi, counting the Lieutenant and his second-in-command. A bit more airborne guard than anything but considering your mode of transportation, probably for the best. All of these gentlecolts received the highest marks in their graduating classes before joining the Guard, so don't feel that they'll fall behind if you start talking shop."

"That's, um, good," Twilight said. She was surrounded at the moment by strapping young warrior stallions and was feeling unaccountably distracted for some reason.

"This,"  Celestia said, gesturing to the Lieutenant, "is Lieutenant Flash Sentry." The Lieutenant took off his helmet, revealing a backswept blue mane and coltish good looks. "He got his promotion rather recently, actually. He distinguished himself at a minor incident in the Crystal Empire, when a former pupil of mine attempted to infiltrate the castle via a magic mirror." There was a fleeting expression of sadness on Celestia's face. "Thanks to his quick actions she was captured before she could escape. He seemed the ideal candidate to take charge of your security detail."

"It's an honor to serve," he said, giving Twilight a dazzling smile. Twilight suddenly found herself very distracted. Goodness he had such very blue eyes.

"So would you say these gentlecolts meet your approval?" Celestia asked her.

"Hmmm. What? Oh. Um. Meep-- I mean um, yes! Yes, of course," Twilight stammered.

"Excellent!... Gentlecolts?" Flash Sentry nodded and knelt at Twilight's hooves. The soldiers all knelt as well. Twilight blinked then looked up at Celestia. "Um... what?"

"They're waiting for you to give them their crest, Twilight," Celestia said, her cheeks dimpling in amusement.

"Oh? Oh!" For the first time Twilight noticed that their armor lacked either the crest of the sun or of the moon on the breastplate. Where it should have been was a blank round disc. Twilight paused. "Um. What do I do?" She stage whispered to Celestia.

Celestia giggled. "Just touch your horn to the disc, Twilight" she said patiently. Twilight nodded and quickly touched the tip of her horn to the blank disc on Flash Sentry's breastplate. There was a soft flash of purple light, and suddenly every soldier had Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark on their breastplate. "Repeat after me, Twilight: 'We dub thee..."

"Um, We dub Thee..."

"Our Twilight Guard."

"Our Twilight Guard."

"And that pretty much does it," Celestia finished.

"And that pretty mu--- oh. ERm." Twilight facehoofed as Celestia tittered. A light chuckle rippled through the guard.  "As time goes on you can add your own little flourishes to the ceremony, " Celestia went on, "But the gist of it is about the same regardless. "

To Twilight's mild surprise her new guards actually started talking quietly among themselves. Twilight even saw a couple of them give each other a brohoof out of the corner of her eye. She didn't really mind; It was kind of a relief that they weren't as formal as Celestia's white-coated soldiers.

White coats.... "I... just noticed," she said quietly to Celestia. "They're not--"

"Not all white?" Celestia said. "Yes, the coloring enchantment isn't set yet. Lulu and I thought you might like to set your own color preferences for your Guards. Or even simply go with none at all, there's no real problem with it."

"I'd better just let them go with their natural coloring," Twilight decided. "I'm going to have enough difficulty remembering all their names without them all looking alike." Though maybe she'd go with the Lieutenant's colors for the whole group, eventually. Golden tan and dark blue--- sunset colors, really. And he certainly looked good in it at least.

Now why did that thought make her blush?

Celestia chuckled and nodded. "And you might consult with Rarity about color schemes for their armor. Don't worry about the crests; they detach." She tapped her chin. "Perhaps indigo with gold trim? Sunset colors..."

"Your highnesses?" Flash Sentry said. "With your permission?"

Celestia looked to Twilight. "Oh, of course," Twilight said. "Um. Dismissed?"

Flash Sentry turned to his troops. "You heard the Princess, Gentlecolts; Dismissed! Those on duty report to your posts. Go on, break it up, you look like a cadet review." The soldiers laughed and dispersed. He turned back to Twilight. "Will there be anything else, your Highnesses?"

"You will have to ask your Princess, Captain," Celestia said. "You answer to her, now."

"Oh. Of course," Flash said with a respectful head bob. He blinked and looked back at her. " 'Captain?' "

"Indeed, you're the Captain of the new Twilight Guard, are you not?" Celestia said, dimpling. "A promotion as my last act as your direct commander."

At this the young soldier seemed to stand a little taller and his smile got a little brighter. "Thank you, your Highness," he said, saluting. "Will there be anything else, your Highness?" he said to Twilight.

"No, no... that will be all," Twilight said, doing her best to echo her mentor's regal delivery.

That sort of fell to pieces when he took her hoof in his. "Please, allow me to add on a personal note that I look forward to working in your service, Princess Twilight," he said with a bow.

Twilight felt her cheeks grow warm. "Meep." With another bow he turned and left. Celestia gave her an amused, knowing look. "What?" Twilight said a trifle abruptly.

"Oh nothing," Celestia said sweetly.

Twilight gave a quick shake of her head. "Are you helping the other girls with this?"

Celestia nodded. "Lulu helped a bit, but tended to defer to my judgement," she admitted. "Dash is of course getting a team of Wonderbolts. I tried to pick out guards from rural backgrounds for Applejack. Pinkie Pie, I actually managed to find a group of former bouncers--"

"Bouncers?" Twilight said. She thought about it a moment. "Oh. Ponies used to wild parties..."

"And a high tolerance for the outrageous," Celestia added with a chuckle. "Pinkie dubbed them the Bouncer Brigade."

"I suppose it sounds a little less silly than the 'Pinkie Guard,' " Twilight admitted. "And Fluttershy and Rarity?"

"Rarity? Well..." Celestia paused. "Tell me, Twilight; did you ever wonder where all the mares in my Royal Guard were?"

"Mares? Truthfully, no," Twilight said. "I... suppose I figured that since stallions are generally larger, stronger, and naturally more aggressive that you opted for them preferentially."

"Size and strength aren't always everything," Celestia said. "I actually do have quite a few females in the Guard... but they don't generally wear the royal armor. As you pointed out, stallions are generally larger, stronger, and more aggressive-- so putting males in the armor makes more sense. Mares have advantages too, though-- ones better suited for more covert security. I'm sure you'll note I have a surfeit of mares on castle staff roaming the halls all the time--?" she hinted.

"Ohhhh," Twilight said. "They're actually guard ponies?"

"Plain Clothes security," Celestia clarified. "Though 'plain clothes' will hardly describe them accurately now that they're working for Rarity." She dimpled. "I reasoned that she might be better off with guards who would be more tolerant of her...ah..."

"...Tendency to treat ponies like a clothes horse?" Twilight giggled.

"Yes. Oh she has a few male guards in armor for intimidation, but otherwise-- well I suspect she's going to have the most fabulous security detail in Equestria." The two giggled together like schoolfillies.

"They can do a good job, though?" Twilight said.

"The filly who shampoos my mane could subdue a full-grown stallion in three hoof strikes," Celestia said. "Never you fear, your fellow Princess is in good hooves."

The vision of Aloe and Lotus flipping Big Macintosh around like a rag doll crossed Twilights mind. She shook it off. "And Fluttershy?" she asked.

"That took some thought," Celestia said. "Though I'm not sure a filly who regards grizzly bears as house pets really needs much of a Guard," she said as a wry aside. "Many of the Guard have done a tour of duty on the Northern border of the Everfree. Those were my first choice. Among those, I wrangled a few who had former jobs guarding the nurseries of various nobles, two who'd stood watch a great deal in the library, a couple who worked for Duchess Pinochle and her corgis, a few who had volunteered for patrols in the royal gardens, two or three who worked for Lady Eiderdown--"

"Lady Eiderdown?"

"Surely you've heard of Eiderdown's Angoras."

"Oh yes--- the ones made entirely of baby bunny fur." Twilight considered the eclectic mix. "So, guards who were good around nature, who'd dealt with small children and animals, who were good at keeping quiet, and familiar with dealing with timid and skittish wards..."

Celestia nodded.  "I did have a final screening process, though." She lowered her head to Twilight's ear. "I just looked for ones that got soppy looks on their faces whenever she walked past them," she said, her voice rich with amusement.

Twilight giggled. Fluttershy did have that effect.

""They're all quiet as mice, gentle as lambs, patient as mountains and ferocious as lions, " Celestia said. "She is, as I said before, in good hooves.  I daresay they'd break anypony in half that even looked at dear Fluttershy the wrong way."

They'd have to beat half the animal kingdom to the punch, Twilight reflected.

"The swearing-in ceremony was... interesting," Celestia mused.

 

---

"I um, dub thee the Forest Guard," Fluttershy said. She felt rather pleased with herself for coming up with that name on the spot. She lowered her horn and tapped the burly pegasus' breastplate. Pink butterflies appeared on all the guards' crests. "Arise."

"YEEAAAHHH!"

"Meep?!" Fluttershy jumped.

"WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE, YOUR HIGHNESS?"

"Eep!? No... Captain Snowflake?"

"AS YOU COMMAND! DISMISSED! HOOAAAHHHH!"

"Oh... My...."

 

---

"Perhaps I should say 'mostly quiet as mice....' " Celestia said upon reflection.

"I don't suppose they're all that thrilled having to wear big pink butterflies on their uniforms, though," Twilight hazarded a guess.

"They've found ways to cope, I understand," Celestia said.

 

---

The newly inducted Guard sat at the bar in his favorite waterhole, chin on his hoof, idly staring at his beer. It took a few minutes for the other off-duty soldiers from the Day and Night Guard to notice the new crest on his breastplate; when they did the predictable razzing began. Two of the Day Guard, rough looking fellows back that day from their first tour on the borders, sat down beside him and began needling him.

"Hoo, lookee here," one said. "looks like New Boy finally got inducted. We hear you got a permanent gig, too-- babysitting one of the royal houses. Momma must be so proud. Aww, look." He smirked at the garish pink butterfly decorating the soldier's chest. "He's in the Butterfly Brigade!" The two laughed.

The other one hooted and tapped the rookie's breastplate. "Who in the heck in the royal family has a crest like that?"

The rookie said nothing. He didn't look up from his beer. His expression didn't even change. He just reached under his breastplate, pulled out a picture, and hoofed it over to them.

The first one took a look and nearly choked.  "Whoa." His eyebrows climbed up his forehead. "That's who you're guarding?"

"One of the new princesses, Princess Fluttershy," the rookie said.

The other guard looked over and whistled. "Dude," he said reverently. "I'd wear a tutu on duty to be around that." The other took a pull on his beer.

The rookie pulled a fashion magazine out of his saddlebag and handed it to them. "Page thirty eight," was all he said. They turned to the page; the one taking a drink sprayed half his beer across the bar.

Photo Finish, contrary to all reason, logic, and probability, had managed, just once, to talk Fluttershy into doing one photo shoot in a negligee.

"I hear she wears that to bed," the rookie said idly.(1) He allowed himself a tiny smirk.

The two looked at him. "I hate you and everything you stand for, and I want to be you more than anything in life," one said weakly.

 

 

---

 

"Well. Now we have a Radiant Guard, a Storm Guard, a Forest Guard, a Day Guard, a Night Guard, a Twilight Guard--" Celestia suddenly stopped and let loose an uproarious laugh. It was the most robust laugh Twilight had heard the Princess ever give.

"What, what is it Princess?" Twilight asked.

Celestia continued laughing. She wiped her eyes with a wingtip. "Don't you get it?" she said. "Day... Night...Twilight...."  

"Oh. Yeah. Aheh?" Twilight said uncertainly.

"After all this time ,would you believe that's the very first time I noticed the pattern?" Celestia chortled.

"...Ahh," Twilight said, in the tone that usually indicates one has gotten the joke and doesn't quite understand why it's that funny.

"Ah well, I suppose some things seem funnier at my age," Celestia said, a bit disappointed. She looked down at her former pupil with a smile. Then, to Twilight's surprise, she began to cry.

"Celestia, what's wrong?" Twilight said, alarmed. She stepped closer to give a comforting nuzzle, only to be swept up in Celestia's enormous wings.

"Twilight," Celestia said brokenly. "You don't know.. you don't know what it means to me that you ascended. To have raised you, mentored you, knowing all the while that you would be gone so swiftly-- I tried to keep myself distant but I couldn't. You were such a darling foal. You were-- are-- so precious to me. And now you're an alicorn as well... it's like heaven has granted me a reprieve...." she smiled, tears rolling down her face.

Twilight was moved. For the first time it really sank in; Celestia was like a mother. A mother to Twilight, to all her little ponies--only she was a mother of a terminally ill child, forced to watch helplessly as her foal died of some cruel and pointless disease a few short months after it was born. Only for Celestia, it had happened over and over and over again, countless thousands of times...  she burrowed into her mentor's embrace, returning it awkwardly with her own wings. "We'll beat this, Celestia," she said softly. "I promise."

There was a bassoon-like honk. The two broke their embrace to see one of the airship's crew standing nearby, snuffling into an enormous kerchief and wiping his eyes. He saw them looking and hastily went back to work, still puffy-eyed, pretending nothing had happened.

Twilight and Celestia laughed. "Goodness, my moods are all over the map today," Celestia said, wiping her eyes with a wingtip. "Take that as a warning, dear Twilight; immortality is no protection against the ravages of hormones."

"Oh, um--" Twilight said.

"Well enough of that," Celestia said cheerily. "I would like to get the chance to talk with your airship's captain, if I could? See if he has any concerns to address."

"I believe he's in his quarters," Twilight said. "He might have a few, yes..."

 

---

The day of the launch arrived. Ponies by the thousands were gathered at the airship port, celebrating the big event. Personally Twilight was amazed that the ponies of Canterlot weren't burned out on celebrations after the coronation.

The six (and their young charges) boarded their vessels, escorted through the throngs by their personal Guards. Celestia, accompanied by  Discord of all creatures, gave a brief speech to the crowds, heralding their 'tour' and wishing them safe journey. Twilight chuckled as she recalled the little farewell chat Fluttershy had with the Chaos entity...

 

---

"Now Discord, I want you to promise me you'll be a good boy while I'm gone," Fluttershy said.

The magically manacled draconequus gave her a sly smirk. "Oh now, where's the fun in that?"

"I mean it, Discord," she said, not even raising her voice. "Be nice and mind Celestia, or else."

"Oh, that's a cue if I ever heard one," Discord said. "Okay, I'll play along." He curled over in midair, resting his chin on his hand, and smirked into Fluttershy's face. "Or else what? Oh wait, let me guess-- the Stare, again?" He chortled.

Fluttershy smiled sweetly. "Yes." Then she gave him the Stare.

The new, improved, you-forgot-I'm-an-alicorn-now-didn't-you Stare.

There was a loud bang. When the smoke around Discord's head cleared, his mane and beard were blown back and there was nothing left of his eyes but two empty sockets in his scorched, blackened face. He reached up and cranked one antler around; two new eyeballs dropped in from somewhere in the back of his skull and rolled into place. "Point taken," he said meekly.

 

---

There was a cheer from the crowds, and slowly the six airships began to pull away from the cliffside.

They were something of an eclectic mix. Each of the dirigibles had their envelopes in their Princess' coat color, and their cutie mark near the tailfins for easy identification. Twilight's vessel, the Guiding Star, was easily recognizable by it's deep purple and the star cutiemark. Though if you asked anypony else, the telescopes and weather instruments jutting out of the back from her cabin windows were as big a giveaway. Twilight had turned half the ship into a library and the other half into a laboratory, at least to hear the captain gripe about it.(2) She was an older, slower ship but she was a steady, smooth flier, level as a table, even in strong winds; something Twilight was grateful for, as it would make any work she did aboard ship much easier.

She could see Rainbow Dash's Thunderstreak. She was already, predictably, at least a couple of ship's lengths from the city. The  Thunderstreak. was a long, sleek thing, with a surprisingly elegant look. The ship was painted in cloud white, and trimmed in  brass that looked as fine as filigree at this distance. She gave the impression of having every spare ounce shaved away, all for swiftness and speed. Rainbow Dash was hard to miss; rather than stand on the forecastle like the other girls, she was aloft, flying circles and doing stunts around her ship with her Wonderbolt entourage. The crowds along the cliff were certainly eating it up.

Applejack's ship drew her attention next. There wasn't much to distinguish it... Well, save from the barn red color it was painted. Twilight could only wonder if the color was Applejack's choice, a well-meaning gesture by one of the crew for the surely homesick princess, or a pragmatic choice based on what would go best with the orange balloon. Applejack had wanted to name the ship the Granny Smith, until the real Granny Smith had threatened to wallop her. "Ah'm too old and had too many young'uns to be the name of no maiden ship," she'd said. Applejack had relented, and settled for naming the ship the Blossom.

There was something peculiar going on with the Surprise, Pinkie's ship. "Spike, give me my spyglass, would you?" Twilight said.

The little dragon pulled it out of the bag slung at his hip and handed it to her. "What's wrong, Twi?" he asked.

"There's something funny with Pinkie's airship," she said. She raised the glass in her magic to her eye.

"You mean besides that shade of pink?" Spike snarked.

"That's her coat color, smart mouth," she said absently over her shoulder. "Something wrong with that?"

"Well nothing-- in Pinkie Pie sized doses," Spike argued. "A balloon the length of a city block? Just a little too much, if ya ask me. Especially in 'metallic shimmer.' " The local fauna seemed to agree; Twilight could see seagulls flying off in cockeyed spirals, shaking their heads, whenever the gigantic pink balloon crossed their flight path. But that wasn't what was bugging Twilight. Nor was it the fact that Luna was standing in the forecastle with Pinkie, wearing a put-upon expression and what appeared to be a cardboard pirate hat from a popular fish eatery.(3)

No, it was the fact that the gun ports down the side of the Surprise were open, cannons sticking out, and Pinkie Pie (wearing her own cardboard pirate hat) was holding a sword aloft, giving the signal to the crew to fire--

She dropped her spyglass in horror. "Pinkie, what are you doing--" Twilight screeched, just as the cannons roared.

Twilight sagged in relief when she saw the confetti. "Party cannons. That crazy mare," she groaned. She hastily scanned the crowds lining the harbor; a large crowd of Canterlot upper crust-- who had, typically, pushed their way to the front of the crowds and shoved everyone else back-- were now wearing confetti, streamers, party hats and shell-shocked expressions. Hopefully the plates of cake cannon-blasted into their hooves would placate them.

Spike had taken a peek through the telescope and was now lying on the deck, rolling back and forth and laughing fit to bust. Twilight took back her telescope and took another look. There was a second thundering volley; now it appeared to be raining candy on the lower tiers. Colts and fillies scrambled for the treats. As she watched, one foal got over-eager and reached out under the railing for an elusive piece of candy. Before anyone could move he slipped and fell.

"Oh no!" Twilight's horn flared as the child tumbled off the mountain; could she cast a telekinetic grip that far in time? But before she could summon a spark something pink and winged shot up through the clouds and caught the falling colt. Pinkie flew up and dropped the child back safely on the boardwalk, to cheers and applause.

"Good on ya, Pinkie," Spike shouted. But the pink alicorn had suddenly slipped out of sight-- and was back on the deck of the Surprise, standing next to Luna as if she hadn't moved at all. "Whoa, how'd she--?" Spike started to say.

"I'm starting to see how Pinkie's special gifts can come in handy," Twilight said, amused.

Rarity's ship, the Fabulosity (what else?) slid out of port with grace to match that of her mistress, purple pennants flying.  She was on deck, surrounded by her female guard, all of them decked out in Rarity's finest, and glorious as a flock of tropical birds. If the mares in her staff were tropical birds, she herself was a bird of paradise, in a long, shimmering backless gown reminiscent of a cloak of peacock feathers.

Whistles and cheers went up from the highly appreciative male audience. Some of the rougher sort got outright rowdy. One dockworker in particular was making some rather salacious-looking gestures at the girls as the ship floated past, till one of the dainty-looking femmes standing next to Rarity on the forecastle whipped out her hoof and three shurikens embedded themselves in the pillar next to his head.

He abruptly remembered his manners.

The last to leave port was Fluttershy. Her boat, Nature's Child, had little visible ornamentation, though Twilight could see bas-relief work here and there carved and painted to resemble ivy leaves.  What made her departure memorable was the accompaniment.

Butterflies. Thousands and thousands of butterflies.

As soon as her ship began to pull out of port, a flock as big as the dirigible itself came out of nowhere and gathered around the vessel, gathering beneath it like a bearing cloud. She stood in the forecastle of her ship, garbed in her Element and a long pink silk gown of Rarity's make, face forward, wings spread to catch the air and sun, as millions of gossamer-winged butterflies escorted her ship from the harbor. A few handfuls fluttered about her, perching on her wings and in her mane before flitting away again to join the throng. "Coos" of wonder followed her out of the harbor and into the sky.

"Now that's somepony who knows how to make an exit," Spike said, lost in admiration.

"I wonder," Twilight said. She turned her telescope back to the port, to where Celestia and Discord still stood. The draconequus was actually waving slightly, an unreadable expression on his face. Then he turned his head and coughed up a few butterflies, pounding his chest with his lion's paw.

Twilight chuckled. "Well how about that."

She folded up her spyglass and turned to find the bo'sun standing behind her. "Captain sez 'At your ladyship's leave,'" he said.

Twilight took a deep breath and looked ahead over the bow. "The word is given," she said. "Set course and full speed ahead. We've got a world to see!"

 

---

1)We can only reflect on the irony that, if she did, it would be more than most mares wore in public.

2)A point that miffed Twilight to no end. She knew for a fact that she'd converted no more than a total of 28.5% of the ship for book storage and laboratory work, and she had the figures to prove it.

3)Gryphons, darn it, okay?

Rainbow Dash looked around the room, grinning. She had dreamed of this moment her whole life, and now it was finally happening. Her, teamed up with the Wonderbolts!

Of course, the way it was happening was something she could have never predicted in her wildest dreams. She had expected to be a Wonderbolts cadet, to earn her badge, to fly with them as a rookie and work her way up the ranks to captain someday. She certainly hadn't expected to wake up one morning and find out that she had jumped all the ranks to being their boss. But... well, here she was. An alicorn princess. And here they were, the best fliers in the Wonderbolts--- Soarin, Spitfire, Lightning Streak, Wave Chill and Misty Fly, all in their casual uniforms. Her own personal guard. They were gonna tour all over Equestria and even a couple other nations, doing airshows. And the fact that on top of it they were on a secret mission to, well, change the whole world? Awesome sauce.

She hadn't quite been able to help herself; despite swearing to herself she was going to be cool and professional, she'd promptly started babbling like a fan-filly the moment everypony in the group had filed in. They'd been kind of stiff and formal at all, but she'd figured it was the whole awkward New Alicorn Princess thing. They'd loosen up eventually. She took a deep breath to calm her excited nerves. Geez, where do I begin? "Okay, let's get to it. I called you five in here tonight to talk business.... As you know, I tapped you for this cruise because you're the highest ranking Wonderbolts. The best of the best. And Princess Celestia said to pick the best of the best to be my personal guard.  So... welcome aboard." She grinned at the five of them.

She started pacing back and forth. "The five of us are going to be working closely together on this mission that Celestia and Luna sent us on. We're gonna have to work together, to eat together--"

"To sleep together!" Scootaloo chipped in enthusiastically.

Rainbow Dash stumbled over her own hooves in mid stride. "Huh-- whoa-- doy-- now that's not--" she stammered, her pupils like pinpricks.

Scootaloo thought for a second, hoof to her chin. "Nah, maybe not that," she said. "There's not enough room in that bed for all of you. We'd have to stack you like cordwood !"

"Gah, yeah! Exactly," Rainbow Dash said immediately. "Never get any rest that way." She resisted the urge to slap a hoof to her flaming face and shot a death glare at the others, daring them, just daring them to say anything. Wisely, nopony spoke. Dash cleared her throat. "Anyway, what I'm getting at is that you guys are my wingponies now, so I wanna get things off on the right hoof, make sure you're up to speed on the mission--"

"We know about our mission, your Highness," Spitfire said coolly. "We're a military squadron; we're always fully debriefed before we leave base."

Rainbow Dash was taken aback, as much by the coolness of Spitfire's tone as by her formality. "Oh. Well. Good! Of course." She traipsed over to the meeting table on one side of the room. "Well since you all know what I'm up to then I can go ahead to planning out show."

This time it was Spitfire who was taken aback. "...Plan... our show?"

"Yeah," Dash said. She took a rolled flight diagram from Scootaloo and spread it out on the table. "I gotta get a cork board or something... Anyway, yeah. Gotta plan this out ahead of time for the best results, right? Even a regular plain-vanilla Wonderbolts show needs planning, and with a Firebolt show-- which is me, heh--" she couldn't help strutting a bit "-- it's gotta be extra well thought out." She motioned for the others to gather round, and leaned over the chart. "Okay, I've been thinking this out a lot. If you open with--"

A sun-yellow hoof planted itself in the middle of the chart, interrupting her. Spitfire cleared her throat loudly. "With all due respect, your Highness," she said, "The Wonderbolts team can plot out it's own airshow routine."

"....Right." Dash sheepishly rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. "Didn't mean to step on your tail, there, Spitfire. I know you're their commander." She perked back up. "Heh, gives me an excuse to skip ahead to my routine, anyway--" she bent back over the chart. She started describing, in loving detail, the show routine she'd plotted out: The Super Speed Strut, the Buccaneer Blaze, the Filly Flash "...I figured then would be a good point to pull a couple of laps over the stands,at about twenty feet--"

"Through rings of fire?" Scootaloo asked hopefully, rearing up to plant her hooves on the edge of the table.

"Heh, might get a little toasty for the ponies in the cheap seats, squirt, as low as I'll be flying," she said, giving her assistant a noogie. "But cloud rings should be okay."

"That's awful low to be flying at those speeds," Misty Fly said. Her voice was odd, Dash thought. Was she trying to say something?

"Yeah, but it's kind of necessary--- I want whoever they are to get a good look at me," Dash said. "Besides I'll only be flying at... what? What is it?" Something seemed off about the ponies gathered around her. Everypony had been acting a little funny already but when she'd said that, they all seemed to stiffen a bit. And their faces got absolutely stony.

"Never mind,"  Spitfire said. "....Your Highness. It's nothing."

"Oookay," Dash said uncertainly. Why was she getting the feeling of a lot of disapproval around here?

A clock on the wall chimed. "Aw nertz," Dash said. "Is that really the time? I knew I spent too long blabbering--" She loosely folded up the chart and slid it to Scootaloo's waiting hooves. "Can we reconvene in, I dunno, a half hour? I got an important Princess-type meeting to take care of, then we can get back together and get this all--"

"There's really no need, your Highness," Spitfire said. "I'm sure whatever routine you work out for your... debut... in Cloudsdale tomorrow will be..." she paused, working her mouth as if the word tasted unpleasant. ".... fine."

Rainbow Dash looked at her. Something about Spitfire's poise had the rainbow alicorn suddenly subdued. "I... okay then. Never mind... I guess you got, um, Wonderbolt leader stuff to do before morning..." she trailed off. "Yeah. Um, Dismissed. I guess?"

As one the five Wonderbolts bowed, stood, and left the room, not even glancing back. Confused, Dash trotted over to the large cabinet standing by the bed and opened it, the doors folding out to reveal a double triptych mirror. She glanced over her shoulder in time to see Spitfire standing in the doorway, watching her. The fiery maned pegasus shook her head to herself and left, the door snapping shut behind her.

Rainbow Dash was confused. Had she just been dissed?

What had just happened here?

 

---

Dusk was falling. The crew of Nature's Child were about their business, preparing for the night watch as the newly christened royal dirigible powered its steady way through the darkening skies. Princess Fluttershy's Forest Guard was about its duties as well, the day shift swapping out with the night. In truth there wasn't much for them to do; things didn't get much more secure than aloft in an airship. That didn't stop Captain Snowflake from putting a few of them on duty patrolling the halls of the luxury vessel, or standing watch on the deck. His second-in-command Zephyr wasn't above doing a few turns that night himself. He figured that the troops would be busy enough the next few days and whoever he was replacing would appreciate the extra sleep.

Zephyr made his way up on deck. The cool night breeze ruffled his feathers pleasantly. He took a look around deck, and decided that he would have to reassess the value of his contribution to his troops' well-restedness... seeing as several of the off-duty guards were up on deck, scattered about and trying to look either casually off-duty or uber-professional.

It took him a moment to figure out why. Then he noticed that they seemed to be loitering about in the general vicinity of Princess Fluttershy's cabin door and the penny dropped. He strolled over to where one of the rookies, a blonde-maned unicorn with a pink coat, was leaning on the rail. He was shooting glances over his shoulder at the barring door and looking wistful. The rookie saw him coming and hastily straightened up but Zephyr waved him off. "At ease," he said. "What are you lot doing up on deck, soldier?" He kept his voice amiable, but loud enough for every pony on deck to hear.

The blonde unicorn cleared his throat and flushed. "Well, I can't speak for the others, but I was off duty and thought I might get some fresh air, sir," he said.

Zephyr gave him a half grin. "Fresh air. Mister---"

The rookie nodded. "Golden Aegis. And yes, fresh air, sir."

"And you're hovering around the Princess's door because?"

Zephyr was rewarded by the rookie's face and neck turning red. "J-just in case she-- her Majesty, I mean-- needed anything," he stammered. "Anything at all..." he finished weakly, averting his eyes from his commander... and not coincidentally fixing them on the door of his affection.

Zephyr's half-grin turned into a full one. "And I suppose that goes for the rest of you lot?"

A couple of the guards chuckled. "Kinda," one black and orange pegasus said. "But most of us are here to see what kind of show Mister Chivalry here put on." He pointed at the pink and yellow unicorn, who huffed and turned red but said nothing. Zephyr sighed to himself. Golden Aegis was apparently the would-be White Knight of the group. There was one in every group; some colt who had his head stuffed full of romantic notions of glory and chivalry and Champions of the Fair Maiden and all that.

He tapped Golden Aegis on the shoulder. "Did you consider," he said, not unkindly for a military officer, "that maybe you could be of more service to our Princess if you were well rested for when you are actually on duty?" Golden Aegis stammered a bit then fell silent.

Zephyr shook his head and rolled his eyes. What was it about this mare, alicorn or no, that was turning all his soldiers' brains into mush?

"Um, excuse me?"

Zephyr turned to find the object of his rumination standing in her now-open doorway, limned in lamplight. Her soft mane cascaded around her shoulders. She was clad in a translucent silk nightgown which wafted gently in the night breeze. She looked at him shyly with wide, dewy eyes.

Oh. Right. He shut his gaping jaw with a click and saluted hastily. "How may I be of service, your Highness?" he asked.

Her lashes fluttered over her luminous blue eyes and she ducked her head shyly. "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but I'm afraid I left, um... Angel Bunny's teddy bear down in the hold with my other luggage, and he just can't sleep without it. Would you be so kind as to fetch it for me? If it's not too much--"

Zephyr held up a hoof. "Whatever you need, It is never too much trouble for us, your Highness," he said. Now where had that come from? In amusement he decided to cut the mooning private behind him a break. He glanced back. "Private! Go fetch the Princess's bear from her luggage, would you?" The rookie barely even paused to salute; he was off in a clatter of hooves and gold painted armor. Zephyr winced at the sound of armor clanging its way down the stairwell. He hoped the fool colt didn't break his own neck in his eagerness.

There was a surprisingly short wait as the recruit made the journey down to the hold and back. Zephyr suspected he had teleported at least once or twice on the way. He could smell the ozone on the rookie's coat. The rookie skidded to a halt in front of the Princess, the plush bear's ribbon in his teeth. He bowed deeply, proffering the toy to her.

"Oh, thank you," she cooed, taking the bear from him. She stood there a moment, smiling, holding the bear in her mouth by the ear. All Zephyr's hindbrain could say was Hnngh.

"Will there be anything else, Milady?" the hopeful young guard said.

The Princess took the bear in the crook of her foreleg before responding. Former pegasus, still learning magic, right. "Oh no, thank you very much, um--"

"Golden Aegis, your majesty," the rookie said with what he obviously hoped was a winning smile.

"Golden Aegis," the Princess repeated. "I'm sure, um, Angel Bunny will be very glad to--"

"Sis?" A sleepy voice called. A tousle-headed colt in hoofie pajamas appeared in the doorway rubbing his eyes on his fetlock. "I still can't find Mr. Buttons-- oh there he is!"  He took the bear from his sister with a smile. "Thank you, I..." it was only then the young colt noticed the group of stallions standing right outside the door, watching as he accepted a pink plush teddy bear from his sister. He turned beet red and vanished back into the cabin.

Several of the stallions started to chuckle. Fluttershy whipped her head about and shushed them, glaring. "Don't you dare! He'll hear you!" To a stallion they fell silent, swallowing their chortles as if their lives depended on it. "Please don't tease him about the bear," she said, her expression softening. "He's very sensitive..."

"O-of course not. We wouldn't dream of it, your Highness," Golden Aegis blurted out. Similar protestations came from the others.

Zephyr rolled is eyes. "Will there be anything else your Highness?"

"...Anything at all," Aegis added. Zephyr resisted the urge to facehoof.

"No, no. Thank you all, and good night," she said with a smile, backing into her cabin.

The door closed. Aegis sagged in place. "Did I make as big a jackass of myself as I think?" he said woefully.

Zephyr gave him a pat on the back. "Yes, yes you did," he said cheerfully. Aegis groaned. "Gentlemen," Zephyr said to them all, "I'm old but I'm not dumb. I can see you're all smitten with our new Princess; pretty much any colt or stallion who meets her is. Is this going to become a problem?"

"Probably," Aegis muttered dolefully. Zephyr shot him a look. "I mean no! No Sir, it won't Sir," Aegis frantically corrected himself.

"I liked the first answer better, it was more honest," Zephyr muttered. "All right, break it up, you lot. I won't send you to your room like naughty little foals, but I won't have you lurking around the Princess' door like a bunch of Fuller Brush salesmen. She's on the skittish side and needs her privacy. I don't want anyone who isn't on duty within fifty feet of this cabin door, got it?" The guards mumbled acknowledgement.

As they started to disperse, one of them, the stallion who had poked fun at Golden Aegis as it so happened, snorted in amusement to another. "Didja get a load of Little Lord Fauntleroy? That's gonna make the job interesting." The guard shook his head.

The other one chuckled in agreement. "Yeah, poor kid. Already well on his way to being a pretty little pansy."

"Got that right. Two bits says one of us will be escorting him everywhere to keep other colts from making him cry..."

Golden Aegis' reaction surprised Zephyr. The moony rookie obviously heard this and snorted. "Neither of you were at the Junior Gala, were you?" he said.

The other guard looked at him. "No, what of it?"

Zephyr noticed a faint smirk on Aegis' face. Aegis quickly smothered it and addressed the Lieutenant. "Sir, in the interests of royal security, may I suggest that we have somepony teach the young princeling some hoof-to-hoof fighting? Spar with him a bit, that sort of thing..."

The other guardsman took the bait. "Heh, yeah. Be good for him, build some character for little curly-locks." He thumped one hoof in the other for emphasis.

Zephyr picked up his cue. "A capital suggestion," he said to the boisterous rookie. "I assume you're volunteering." It was a statement, not a question.

The black and orange pony blinked, then grinned. "Sure, why not?"

"Excellent," Zephyr said, his face carefully neutral. "You'll start with the colt tomorrow at noon. The rest of you, break it up. You look like a cadet review." The soldiers chuckled and dispersed. Zephyr caught up with Golden Aegis in the stairwell. "Okay, what did I just get Orange Roughy to agree to?"

Aegis' innocent coltish face was split by an absolutely evil grin. "You weren't on duty at the Junior Gala either, sir?"

"No, obviously not," Zephyr said with a bit of impatience. "Get to the point, Aegis."

"I was. That 'pansy' took on three colts twice his size and kicked three kinds of rainbow-colored crap out of them."

Zephyr blinked. He recalled hearing about the disturbance, something about a fight... "You're joking. That was him?"

Aegis nodded. "Even if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, that teddy bear was stuffed in next to a badly battered sparring dummy. I think Orange Roughy is in for a very educational experience tomorrow."

 

---

THE NEXT DAY

The off-duty guards were gathered on the top deck, gathered around a hastily chalked out sparring circle. Orange Roughy was standing in the middle, grinning and motioning for Breezy Shy to join him. The shy little pegasus stepped into the circle, dressed in his Karate gi and wearing his sparring helmet and booties. A few of the guards applauded and shouted encouragement. He curled up a little under all the attention.

"Uh, nice jammies, kid," Roughy said. "Go ahead and lose the booties, wouldja? You're not gonna hurt me."

"But--"

"Go on, lose 'em." Obediently, Breezy shucked his booties and, under further prodding, the padded helmet. Roughy grinned at the waiflike colt and struck a mocking fighting pose. "Okay, kid. Let's start this right. Gimme your best shot!"

CRACK.

That was the last sound Roughy heard for the next hour or two.

 

---

"I should probably tell you in advance, your Highness," Captain Grey Wolf said. "My Guards.. well, your Guards... are a bit unpolished."

Applejack nodded absently. She was a bit lost in her own thoughts. Despite all the Princesses' best efforts the departure had been a bit of a confused ruckus, and much to the farmpony's chagrin quite a few things had been left half done or slapdashed. She'd hated that as a farmpony, as much as she understood the need for it sometimes, and she didn't care for it any more now as a princess.

One thing in particular left undone, to her embarrassment, had been the christening of her own Guard. That was downright disrespectful of her, and she knew it. These ponies would be protecting her hide and the hides of her family and friends, it wasn't right to leave them hanging, waiting to be acknowledged. She made a noncommital "hmm" and nodded as the Captain of her Guard continued to speak.

Grey Wolf was a rather burly pegasus pony with a scruffy grey coat and a scar that slashed down over one eye. He was a veteran of several years on the frontier, dealing with hydras and timberwolves and worse creatures, and more than a fair hoof at dealing with the sort of rough soldiers who got assigned to such duty. As such, he was duly concerned that his new charge was a bit oblivious to what sort of soldiers were working under her. Duties had prevented him from speaking to her in person until now, and his impressions weren't enthusing him. She had been very stiff and formal, and what little she had said had been spoken with a clipped Manehattan accent. He got the unhappy feeling that she wasn't from a background that would prepare her for this.

He stopped in the stairwell. "Highness," he said. "I'm going to be blunt. I've dealt with a lot of soldiers and recruits over the years, and looking at this bunch....This crew is... something of an F-Troop." At her puzzled look he explained. "An Omega Company. A dumping ground for the misfits of the rest of the Guard. Not," he hastened to say, "That they're unfit. But we've gotten more than our share of slightly damaged goods with this lot. Oddballs and one-offs, raw recruits and backwoods hicks, scruffy types from bad backgrounds or transferred from remote posts..."

"Checkered pasts, you're saying," the genteel orange alicorn said.

"...Essentially." Grey Wolf shook his head. " I'm afraid circumstances have left you with a bunch of roughnecks at your disposal." He grinned humorlessly. "Though I shouldn't talk much I suppose. I'm kind of from the dent and scratch sale myself." He ran a hoof down the scar on his face. "They're loyal and all. Just... try not to be too surprised if they're kind of uncultured, your Highness."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said, her face impassive.

Grey Wolf sighed. He'd tried, at least. He pushed open the door leading to the barracks deck and stepped into the common room. His aforementioned scruffy lot were scattered about the room, half in, half out of their armor. Quite a few were gathered around a keg of cider someone had tapped-- without permission, he wagered--- from the stores, nursing drinks and apparently brooding their fate.

"Princess on deck!" Grey Wolf bellowed. There was a scuffle as a dozen or so soldiers jumped to stand at attention with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

"As you were," a feminine voice behind Grey Wolf said, before he could speak again. Princess Applejack stepped around him and into the middle of the room. "Good evening, my little ponies. I--" she visibly started. "I beg your pardon. My little ponies... and donkies...and, and is that a diamond dog in back?" she asked faintly.

Scattered around the room was indeed quite an eclectic mix. Ponies of every size and shape, of course, quite a few looking rather rough around the edges. A crystal pony. Two or three batponies, for good measure. a zebra. A rather large male gryphon was standing by the cider keg, mug still in claw. And she was right; a stumpy looking diamond dog with a marked resemblance to a pug was in the back, standing at attention in ill-fitting armor. "You weren't joking when you said it was a mix," she said to Grey Wolf under her breath.

"Ahem. I'm sorry to bother you this late at night, but it seems I was remiss in tending to--"  Her eyes swept the room. Her eyes fell on a red earth pony with a yellow-green mane and she halted in mid word. "Cousin Appleseed??" she yelped.

It was like the world came to a screeching halt. The red pony locked eyes with her and his eyes bugged out. "Applejack??"

Without a whoop the prim and proper princess flung herself across the room and wrapped the stallion in a spine cracking hug. "Butter mah biscuits, it IS you!" she said. "Whar in the WORLD have you been? You missed the reunion!"

"Out on the border, servin' in the Guard, o' course. Applejack, it's really you?" Appleseed said, grinning. "Mah word, ah cain't believe it. You're a Princess?"

"Course I am. Where've you been the past few months?"

"Out past the Crystal Empire, scoutin' out new land fer settlers," Appleseed said. "Don't git much news out thar. Ah thought the fellers was prankin' me, what with their talk o' 'Princess Applejack...'"

Applejack recalled where she was and darted a look around her. Everyone in the room was staring at her with their jaws practically scraping the floor. She seemed to deflate. "Awww, shoot," she said. "Well, so much fer that. Kind of a relief, though. Ah don't think I could keep up that silly Manehattan fru fru for another minute." She looked over at Grey Wolf. "Hail, Captain, just innerduce me around, wouldja?"

Grey Wolf closed his mouth. "Ah... of... course... your Highness?" He shook his head. "You obviously know Appleseed..."

"She oughter," Appleseed snickered. "We fought like cats everytime the family got together. I got more bruises from her than from th' drill sergeant. Girl's mean as a snake."

"Aw, hush up, you." She popped him on the back of the head with a hoof. He just grinned and took it.

"At least we don't have to worry about favoritism," someone quipped. There was laughter all around.

"This is Omari," the captain said, gesturing towards the zebra, who bowed deeply.

"Sakes. Zebras in the Royal Guard?"

Omari stiffened. "Is my being a Zebra a problem?" he asked. His voice was a deep baritone that sent prickles up Applejack's mane.

"Dunno why it would be," Applejack said. "Jest we don't see too many of your folk around at all. Surprisin', is all." She paused. "You wouldn't happen to be related to a zebra mare by the name of Zecora, would you?"

"Of course," Omari said, his voice droll. "Because every zebra in Equestria must be related."

"Mind who you're speaking to, soldier," Grey Wolf said sharply.

Omari winced. "Apologies, Highness," he said, bowing deeply.

Applejack waved it off. "No harm done. Didn't mean to step on your hooves, was just askin'. I suppose it would git annoying if everypony assumed I was related to every pony with an apple cutie mark." She grinned. "Heh. Though most of the time they'd probably be right..."

She paused again. "I just noticed; you ain't talkin' in rhyme like Zecora does."

Omari's eyes went round. "This Zecora, she speaks in rhyme?"

Applejack heroically resisted the urge to say 'yes, yes, all of the time.' "Constantly," she said.

Omari actually backed up a step. "Eeyikes."  At Applejack's raised eyebrows, he explained, "Only the zebra shamans speak in rhyme, Majesty."

"Shamans?"

"Scholars, folklorists and herbalists, keepers of powerful knowledge. They travel far from their homelands for many years, studying, finding new lore. They can do things with plants and herbs that--" he shuddered. "Nopony 'befriends' a zebra shaman. They are powerful and capricious, and greatly feared."

"Well I'll give you the greatly feared part," Applejack said with chagrin. "She sure gave me the willies back when we first met. But she's a good friend now. Shoot, she and mah little sister get along just fine."

Omari gaped like she'd sprouted a second head.

"And over here we have Lockheed," Grey Wolf said, gesturing to the the gryphon. The chimera gave a cursory bow and returned his attention to his mug.

Applejack took a sniff. "Is that cider out of the supply I had brought aboard?"

Lockheed ruffled a bit. "No," he said curtly. "I ain't a thief."

"Easy, I weren't sayin' you were... but where'd you get it?"

Lockheed calmed a bit. "I bought a keg when we were still in Canterlot," he said.

Applejack stepped a little closer and sniffed again. "Aww, is that Crabapple Farms cider?" she said with a note of disdain. "Shoot, y'all, pour that stuff out. That's barely fit for drinkin'."

"It ain't bad," Lockheed said, eyeing his mug.

"You kiddin'? They don't age that stuff right and they use their cheapest apples. Then they cover the taste up with mulling spices." She pulled a key out of her mane and handed it off to Appleseed. "Go down in the hold and get us a keg of the good stuff, cuz."

"Oh man-- Sweet Apple Acres cider!" You could almost hear the drool in Appleseed's voice. "I been dreamin' of a glass of that stuff for months." He galloped off.

"Sweet Apple Acres? You know your cider, Highness," someone said admiringly.

Applejack couldn't help puffing up a bit. "I ought to, seein' as I make it," she said proudly.

"Wait. You run Sweet Apple Acres?" the pony who'd spoke said.

"Born and raised," she said, beaming with pride. There were exclamations of surprise and admiration from all around; it seemed that more than a few of her guard were from farm pony backgrounds, and nearly all of them knew about Sweet Apple Acres and the taste of their products.

Lockheed was noncommittal. "Eh, cider's cider," he said. "So long as it's hard."

Applejack gasped and threw a hoof to her forehead, feigning a fit of the vapors. "Ah! Sacrilege!" she said in her Manehattan accent. The guards chuckled. "Sorry, sugarcube, no hard cider this time." Lockheed looked disgruntled and there were a few disappointed 'awws' in the crowd.

"Don't be that way," the cider aficionado said. "You taste this stuff, you won't care!" Skepticism greeted this remark.

Appleseed reappeared, rolling a keg of Sweet Apple Acres' finest ahead of him. Lockheed and the Diamond Dog set the keg up and tapped it. Applejack pulled the first mug and handed it to Lockheed, to his surprise. "Let's see what our cider cynic has to say," she said.

Lockheed took a pull on his mug. His eyebrows climbed up his forehead. He took a longer pull, draining the stein to the bottom and gave a satisfied sigh.

"Well?" Applejack said.

"Like liquid gold," he said reverently. A round of cheers went up and mugs began to be passed forward. Soon every hoof, paw and claw was holding a mug of good cheer.

Once the Princess had a hoof wrapped around a stein, Grey Wolf continued his introductions. "These are the Nightshade triplets," he said, introducing her to the three batponies. "Sister and two brothers. Joined the Guard together..."

The next hour Applejack spent chatting, joking and getting to know her guardsmen, and generally feeling more at ease than she had in a good while. Grey Wolf was right; those that weren't raw half-trained recruits were ponies (or others) with colorful pasts that would have made them less than popular, to put it kindly, with certain career-minded commanders and appearance-minded royalty and nobility.  But she found that they suited her just fine. Rednecks, roughhousers, ponies who didn't know the meaning of putting on airs, and had never come within a mile of it.

In a word... honest.

The festive air wound down a bit, finally, and she recollected herself. "Aw shoot, I almost forgot why I came down here with y'all in the first place," she said. She drained the dregs of her mug and set it down so she could stand in front of them. "In all the rush to get us out of port, I plumb forgot to christen the Guard. I figger we better get this taken care of afore we get to port."

She hesitated, her smile fading a bit. "I'm sorry, y'all," she said. "I know you fellers volunteered for this, hopin' to get another Celestia.." She looked down at herself. "'Fraid I ain't up to that."

"We wouldn't have it any other way," one of the rookies said. "Your Highness." He grinned.

"Aye," the diamond dog grunted. "Better to have a Princess who herself. After all, we gotta be ourselfs." He shot the last of his mug down his throat.

"You're certainly one up on them," Lockheed said.

"Yeah. Most Canterlot toffs woulda took one look at us and run the other way," one of the donkeys said. Everyone laughed.

"You are your true self with us, and you don't mind that we're ourselves with you," Grey Wolf said. "It will be an honor to serve." He bowed. All around the room the scruffy guardsponies-- and griffons, zebras, donkeys and diamond dogs-- bowed as well.

Applejack felt her cheeks redden. "Sakes." She decided to break out the Canterlot accent just one more time. She extended her wings, fanning them out, and stepped to where Grey Wolf knelt. "Then with honor we dub thee.." she lowered her horn and touched it to the blank disk on his breast. She dimpled.

"The Roughnecks."

The disc sparkled; a copy of Applejack's cutie mark appeared. All around the room discs on armor glowed as the symbol appeared. Grey Wolf got to his hooves and saluted with a cocky grin. He picked up his mug and raised it. "To Princess Applejack!" he said.

"Hooaaaah!" Mugs raised all over the room. Applejack felt her cheeks go as red as one of her apples.

She glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Oh spit on a griddle!" She swore. "Sorry, fellers but ah gotta run. Ah'm late f'r a meeting." She turned and galloped for the door. "I'll see y'all in the mornin'. Enjoy the cider!" Cheerful farewells and wishes for a good night followed her out the door.

Grey Wolf chuckled and turned to his men. "And that, gentlemen, is our Princess," he said.

Applejack galloped up the stairs to the top deck and to her cabin door. The two guardsmen standing watch saluted. "Take a powder, fellas," she said. "There's cider down in the barracks fer everyone. Go git yerself some while it lasts."

The two grinned, but one went to fetch them both a mug while the other stayed at his post. Smart thinkin', Applejack thought as she dashed inside.

Babs and Applebloom were both asleep on the enormous bed. They had apparently conquered the treacherous mattress and were sleeping atop a raft of pillows, curled up around each other. Applejack chuckled at the sight. She opened the cabinet standing at the foot of the bed, revealing the mirrors inside. She crawled up on the foot of the bed herself, careful not to disturb the sleeping fillies and looked into the mirrors. Five familiar faces looked back at her; five hooves waved.

"Hey, girls," she said to her friends. "Let's git this first meeting underway."

"...Ah dunno, Y'all. I get the feelin' Celestia was tryin' to send me some kind o' racial tolerance message with the mix o' guards she gave me." The others chuckled heartily.

The six of them were gathered together. Technically. In truth they were all separated by hundreds of miles, but it was easy to forget with Twilight's magic mirrors. They were each sprawled in front of their own double triptych of mirrors, relaxing as they chatted with their friends' reflections. It was almost like being in the same room with them.

"Well, there was that whole incident with Zecora," Rarity pointed out, almost apologetically. The fussy fashionista was wrapped in a towel, sprawled out on a massage bench while two mares-- one lavender and pink, one pink and lavender-- worked her wings and back over with a massage. "You didn't exactly come off well during that. And, well, darling, you do come from something of an, um, insular background..."

Applejack bridled at the implied slur. "Jest because ah got a farmer's accent, you think that means I'm some sort o' racist?? Who's bein' the bigot now? Ah didn't get upset 'cause Zecora was a zebra, I was skeered of her because she was dog-gone creepy! Even other zebras are jittery of her! Sides, I don't recall you all exactly covering yourselves in glory when Zecora first came a-callin'--"

"Oh calm down, Applejack," Rarity said, lifting the cucumber slice off one eye to glare at her friend. "I'm just saying that you don't exactly come from a well-traveled background, and Celestia thought having a more mixed Guard might help you adjust to exotic company. You do get on with them, don't you?"

Applejack settled down, mollified. "Fair enough, I suppose. Yeah, we do seem to be hittin' it off. Frankly I'm more at ease with them than with alla them chambermaids and what not."

Twilight suddenly looked curious. "What was that about Zecora making other zebras jittery?"

Applejack chuckled and told her about Omari and his little revelation about Zecora's social niche. Twilight tapped her chin and hmmmed, intrigued. "Fascinating. Zecora never mentioned it, but I guess it would explain why she wasn't terribly put out by ponies being skittish around her. She's probably used to it." She shook her head. "Surprising, though. I had no idea we had any zebras at all in the Guard."

"How would you know?" Pinkie asked innocently. She was sprawled on her belly in front of her mirror munching her way through an enormous tub of popcorn and, for some reason, was wearing a pair of cardboard 3-d glasses.

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked.

"Well, they all wear those magic armors that change their colors, right?" Pinkie said. "so they all look white or grey. So if you can't see their stripes, how would you know?"

Twilight blinked. "She has a point."

Pinkie tapped her chin in thought. "Hey Twilight-- if a zebra doesn't have any black stripes OR any white stripes, do they turn invisible?"

"Aaaand there it went," Twilight said, deadpan. The others giggled. "So how are the rest of you getting on with your staff and guard?"

"Oh fabulously, darling, fabulously," Rarity said. "Oh, allow me to introduce my two ladies-in-waiting.." she gestured to the two masseuse ponies.

"They look like Aloe and Lotus," Fluttershy said, surprised.

"No, dear, though I did make the offer to them," Rarity said. "These are Lavender and Rosemary, Aloe and Lotus' cousins." She smiled knowingly. "Twins run in the family."

"Figures. Rarity can't go to the spa? She brings the spa with her," Rainbow Dash quipped.

Rarity pouted at the others' snickers. "I'll have you know that I provide spa services to all the ponies on my staff," she said. "Not just myself. Not that I don't deserve it."

"All of them? Your guards are going to be the most pampered ponies on the planet," Twilight chuckled.

"But of course, darling." Rarity lifted a cucumber to give Twilight a knowing look. "You treat your staff well, your staff treats you well. And they most certainly earn their keep. Why, just their service modeling my fabulous new dresses makes them worth their weight in gold. Though I do have to make modifications to them for their personal use," she mused. "I have no idea how I managed to hide fifteen stilettos and a garotte in that Little Black Dress I made for Marigold. You know the darling thing cried when I gave it to her? She said it was the nicest thing anyone ever made for her, the poor dear."

"Well..." Twilight said, at a loss for words. "That's... certainly something."

"And of course they all look fabulous in them. Like I said, worth their weight in gold, even if they hadn't karate chopped Prince Blueblood for getting fresh." She replaced the cucumber and laid back down.

"Karate chop?"

"Prince Blueblood?"

"Yes, yes," Rarity sighed. "Since my course is going to be through several foreign lands, there are a few Equestrian diplomats squirreled away on board. Prince Blueblood managed to wheedle his way into a berth. The dolt figures he can salvage his courtly influence by courting me, it seems. He got into the vin ordinaire one night and tried to make a pass at me. Marigold and Jade Blossom taught him the error of his ways of course. He was up and about the next day, though he hasn't walked the same since then.... what?" The alicorn fashionista discarded the cucumbers entirely and looked at her friends, sincerely puzzled. Her friends, for their part, were staring at Rarity with seriously disturbed expressions.

"So!" Twilight said with forced cheeriness. "How about you, Pinkie?"

"Oh, superiffic," the party alicorn said. "It's funny, though. They're all big and muscle-y like Big Macintosh. And they all talk--" she struck a muscle-pony pose. " --Lahk dees! ARRRH. GET IN DE CHOPPAH!!"

"They're all Hosstrian?"

Pinkie shrugged. "Nah, they just all talk that way. They're nice though. But Lulu is sort of having troubles because of them..."

 

---

"...And this is Hans and his brother Frans!" Pinkie said cheerfully, standing between the two at the end of the line of ponies.

"Hallo, Preencess Loona," the enormous black stallion said. "Akchooly, I am Frans--"

"Und I am Hans," his snow white brother said. "Ve ah honuhd to serve." He took Luna's hoof in his own and kissed it chivalrously.

Luna gaped as she stared up-- Up! at the massively muscular earth pony Guard. Ye gods, he was almost as tall as Celestia! Powerful muscle rippled under his gleaming white coat. His massive hoof dwarfed her own. Yet he wasn't clownishly distorted like Captain Snowflake, back on the Nature's Child. No, Hans was cut from the same cloth as Princess Applejack's older brother; carrying his powerful muscles on a frame suited to their size. His brother was no different, only he came in jet black to Hans' gleaming white.

Luna didn't stand a chance. The fierce and untamed world of a thousand years ago had conditioned her at the marrow to crave a stallion who looked like he could take a warhammer to the chest without flinching. Hans and Frans, like every other stallion in the Bouncer Brigade, fit the bill and then some.

Remember your oath, she frantically thought. No mortal stallions. No mortal stallions. No. No. You can not haz beefcake. Must wait until the Panacea is found. NO MORTAL STALLIONS.

"Woof," she said.

Hans' and Frans' eyebrows rose. Mercifully, before Luna could begin drooling, Pinkie spoke up. "I think she means 'welcome.' Welllll, maybe you and the others should go ahead and go, I'm sure you have all sorts of guardsy type stuff to do..." Pinkie ushered the guards out the door. She leaned out the door, waving goodbye to the guards. Luna galloped to her side, sticking her head out the doorway to gawk as they marched off. Pinkie looked up at her mentor. "Well, whaddya think?"

Luna whimpered faintly. An entire ship full of rugged, muscular stallions, hoof-picked by Celestia for their possibly years-long mission. "I think my sister is evil, evil, evil," she said.

 

---

"And then she sort of started crying and ran off and had three cold showers and two tubs of double fudge ripple," Pinkie finished, her eyes alarmingly sober. "Not the ice cream-- just the ripple. The dessert chef was really mad."

"Oh the poor dear," Rarity said sympathetically, between gales of laughter. "Would that we all had such troubles..."

"It sounds like Celestia's trying to pressure her into giving up that 'no mortals' dating policy of hers," Twilight said. "Oh, Celestia..." she sighed, shaking her head. She would have said more but some part of her had to agree with Celestia's motives. " She'll be fine, Pinkie Pie. She probably just needs to regain her composure. How about you, Fluttershy? Anything to report?"

"Oh, no," Fluttershy said, smiling. "Everything is going fine. My guards are all sweethearts. And so good with the animals! Oh, there was that little accident with Bishi's sparring practice, but nopony was seriously hurt and the ship's dentist says that he can fix up the guardpony's teeth good as new."

"Wait. What?"

A brief but painful description of Orange Roughy's learning experience soon had the girls rolling on the floor. Even Fluttershy couldn't help giggling at the memory of the guard's utterly stunned face when he'd regained consciousness and realized what had happened. In the midst of the merriment, Fluttershy noticed that Rainbow Dash's laughter seemed... strained. "Is something wrong, Rainbow Dash?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, not really," Dash said. "Nuthin' I can't handle. Really."

This drew Applejack's attention, as well as a raised eyebrow. "Uh huh," she said. "Pull the other one, it has bells on. What's up?"

"Indeed, Rainbow dear," Rarity said. "One doesn't need to be the alicorn of Honesty to see that something is eating at you."

"You can tell us-- we're you're friends!" Pinkie said.

Rainbow hesitated, biting her lip. "It's really nothing, it's just-- well, the Wonderbolts have been kinda, I dunno, stiff. All cold and formal and stuff around me. I dunno, I just get this vibe off them that.." she let her voice drop. " That they don't respect me. Or even like me."

"Well why ever would they not?" Rarity said. She wasn't oblivious to her friend's rougher edges, but if there was any group of ponies a pegasus-- well, former pegasus, Rarity corrected herself mentally-- like Rainbow Dash should fit in with, a bunch of daredevils like the Wonderbolts would be that group, she should think.

"They're probably just still uncertain about how to act around you, Dash," Twilight said, trying to be reassuring. "I mean, new princess and all. They're probably just trying to get used to you."

"You think that's it?" Dash said uncertainly.

"Absolutely," Twilight said, smiling confidently. "I'm sure that after you fly together at Cloudsdale tomorrow and they have a feel of what sort of pony you are, you and they will get along fine."

"I hope you're right," Rainbow Dash muttered.

"And maybe," Applejack said, "just maybe you're seein' more than is there?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, sugarcube, maybe you're just feelin' a little guilty about jumpin' ahead of 'em? I mean one day you're a cadet at their flight camp, the next day you're wearin' a crown and givin' em orders."

"Yeah there is that," Rainbow Dash murmured. "I've kinda been trying to avoid thinking about all that. If I let myself, then it gets all weird. And that's no good either..."

"Awww, don't worry, Rainbow Dash," Pinkie said. "Everything's going to be perfectly fine!" She leaned through the mirror and gave Rainbow Dash a quick hug before settling back in her seat.

The others gawked. "Gnurk?" Twilight managed to say.

Pinkie sat back down on her cushion in her own ship. Rainbow Dash carefully tapped on the mirror. Yup. Solid. "We're going to have to get used to this sort of thing, aren't we?" she said.

"Pinkie, how long have you been able to do that?" Rarity said faintly.

"About five seconds," Pinkie said.

"Please, just... just don't do it again, okay?" Twilight begged, rubbing her temples with her hooves.

Pinkie looked at the mirror, head cocked at an angle. "Eh, it's okay, Twily," she said. "It won't happen again. The Maybe Not has turned orange, so I can't do it anyway."

Twilight's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but she made no sound. "Okay," she said finally. "Fine, great." She shook her head. "Anyway, Rainbow-- don't worry. It's just a matter of adjustment. We've all got a lot to get used to." She waved her hoof, indicating Pinkie Pie. "Case in point."

Rainbow Dash gave a hesitant laugh. "Okay. Yeah. You're probably right. I'm... sure it will work out." I hope, she added silently.

"And what about you, Twi?" Applejack said. "You gettin' along well with your bunch?"

To the other's surprise, the purple alicorn blushed. "Um, yes, of course," she said, clearing her throat. "The servants are all very professional, and I have four maidservants who help me with all the personal preparations. I'll be meeting with the staff of scholars I picked when we arrive in Manehattan tomorrow, but they seem nice enough."

"And your Guard?"

"Are... very professional," Twilight evaded. "Their captain is Flash Sentry."

"What's he like?" Pinkie asked innocently. Twilight turned very red but said nothing.

"Ohohoho," Rarity crowed. "Our little Twilight's all grown up now. She's discovered boys!" Twilight could do nothing but bury her flaming face in her cushion as her friends squealed in glee.

She surfaced for air as the teasing and giggles died down. "It's not like that," she insisted with great dignity.

A chorused "Uh huh" answered her. She buried her face again.

"Is he nice?"

"Is he cute?" This to everypony's surprise came from Fluttershy.

There was a pause. "Yes," came Twilight's muffled reply. She raised her head. "Okay, yes. He's cute." A smile dimpled her cheeks. "He's very handsome, actually. And very smart, according to his dossier he's a graduate of Wing Point."

"Ooohh," Rarity said. "I can see why that attracts you."

"And not just book smart, either," Twilight went on. "He got promoted to Captain due to his fast thinking; some heroic action in the Crystal Empire thwarting some would-be spy or saboteur." This seemed to impress the others considerably.  "I... haven't had much time to talk with him, but he seems very charming." She clip-clopped her forehooves together, beaming. "We are going to work so well together!"

 

---

The six alicorn princesses all had very specific destinations in mind, each according to a different strategy. While those itineraries at first glance were trivial and impulsive, and a thin excuse for the new royalty to indulge in a lavish vacation, there was in fact a strategy to it all. If anything, the fact that their itineraries could have passed as a royal indulgence to a casual observer was half the strategy itself. They were stalking a very timid and skittish quarry, after all, and disguising their intent till the last second was vital.

They had the alicorn detection spell, but that spell was very limited. It would see through any disguise, pierce any veiling, - but it would only indicate the general presence of a hidden alicorn or nascent alicorn within a mile or so, and it was only useful to indicate actual direction within a few hundred feet.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had hit on rather similar solutions. There were a lot of ponies to sort through just to find one alicorn or one potential, so they were going to go out and meet a lot of ponies.

Rainbow Dash's Wonderbolt tour was, in her eyes, a stroke of brilliance. Ponies of every tribe gathered by the thousands to watch a Wonderbolts show; she would be able to sweep crowds of tens of thousands with the 'detecto-spell' at every show as she and the others flew overhead. Cloudsdale was her first stop, and the testing ground for her theory.

Pinkie Pie's plan, while more festive, meant the same thing. She and Luna going to hit Maredi Gras, Carnival, the New Years party at Manehattan.... every big celebration on the Equestrian calendar and every little one in between, scanning the teeming crowds for the elusive nascents even as they partied down. For that matter if history was anything to go by, she was going to be at the center of the party the moment she arrived.

Applejack and Fluttershy, however, were operating under a different assumption. They were of the opinion that alicorns and nascents would be reclusive, much as Celestia and Luna had been when they first manifested. Applejack was of the mind that an alicorn would retreat to a more rural setting, where ties were close and privacy was a must.... "And let's be fair, where there ain't likely to be too many unicorn eggheads to spot 'em," she'd admitted. Her trail took her to the small towns, farming communities and hometown harvest festivals. Her first stop was Cherry Jubilee's Cherry Jubilee at Dodge Junction.

Fluttershy on the other hand felt that they would be even more reclusive, hiding out in the wilderness where few if any ponies ventured. She intended to search the remote corners of the world, nature preserves and national parks and places known for their isolation and paradise-like beauty.... and for rumors and ghost stories about strange ponies who lived therein. Winsome Falls and the Unicorn Range were her first stop,  followed by Hollow Shades. She would allegedly be visiting with the park rangers, and attending a Foal's Scouts Jamboree... but would be spending a fair amount of time exploring the hills and forests for sign of the alicorns' hidden kin.

If Fluttershy was going about her part of the search following her own biases, Rarity could be forgiven for engaging in a little projection herself. The fashionista's argument was that anypony who had become, de facto, immortal would eventually seek out the finer things in life; fine art, fine dining, fine clothing. "After all, after a few centuries one would tend to accumulate considerable wealth and influence," she had argued. "And what would be the point of that? To pile it up in a cave someplace? Ah, no offense, Spikey Wikey. No, I see an alicorn becoming quite comfortable over time-- perhaps as an eccentric millionaire recluse?"

"I can hardly argue," Celestia had said with wry amusement, "Seeing as I've lived in a palace for over a millenium."

So it seemed that Rarity would be going the more traditional route for royalty; hob-nobbing with high society and the nouvea riche,  discreetly searching for those who perhaps had a bit more to hide than mere indiscretions or family scandals. She had chosen Neigh Orleans (famous for its gentrified upper class) as the first leg of her tour, to be followed by Mareis, Prance (the city of lights, epicenter of world high fashion) and Applewood (the playground of the rich and famous, actors and moviemakers.)

As for Twilight, she was taking a more circuitous route to her goals. Rather than sweep the cities searching for alicorns or nascents, or searching the forests and hills for some hidden alicorn sanctuary, she was instead touring the facilities of knowledge and learning scattered throughout Equestria; the universities, the museums, the research laboratories. And, not so coincidentally, touching base with the various ponies scattered throughout who were conducting research at Celestia's behest into alicornism and immortality. Even if their research was currently fruitless, she might learn something that would help. And wouldn't an ascended alicorn gravitate to such places, to learn to control their new powers, in an effort to understand their own condition?

Her first port-of-call, therefore, was Manehattan, where  she would be taking an exhaustive tour of the museums and scientific institutes that called the city home-- including a small, unobtrusive hospital sitting on the very outskirts of the sprawling city, where certain types of obscure and abstract medical research were taking place...

And meanwhile, Celestia, Cadence and Shining Armor would put their own efforts towards searching both Canterlot and the Crystal Empire.

They had their magic. They had their teams. They had their loyal siblings and sidekicks. They had their fully stocked and equipped airships. They had the tools, they had the talent... they had the plan.

There's a famous saying in the military about plans. In this case there wasn't even an enemy to encounter.

Twilight's eye twitched silently. Things had been going so well. She had gotten up early; her hoofmaidens had gotten her groomed, breakfasted, and prepared for the day; she and Spike had sent off the day's mail and organized her master list; she had distributed copies of her twenty-part bullet list for the day's agenda to the servants, the small staff of research ponies she had picked for the trip, and the ship's crew from the captain all the way down to the cabin colt, and had proceeded down to discuss the day's schedule with her new Captain of the Guard.

It was at that point that her carefully ordered world had begun to lose altitude, warning signals blaring from the cockpit...

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she repeated.

"I said I haven't made a schedule for today, your Highness," Flash Sentry said.

"Why not??" Twilight said, with the air of somepony asking another why they hadn't bothered to eat or sleep. "How can you possibly get anything done? How can you prepare the security detail for the tour of the Manehattan museum today or the--"

Flash Sentry tapped his head, or rather his helmet, with a hoof. His golden helmet dinged. "I keep it all up here," he said. "Just a general plan. No sense in writing everything out. Things can change too fast." He huffed in amusement. "I mean, its not like I can plan out your day with a giant checklist. That would be ridic..." his voice trailed off as he looked over her shoulder. The princess's stubby dragon assistant was standing back out of her line of sight, silently hefting a paper scroll nearly as tall and as thick around as he was in his arms and eyeing him meaningfully.

Flash met his basilisk gaze and shook his head in disbelief.

The dragonling nodded slowly and emphatically. Flash cleared his throat and returned his attention to the princess. "My apologies, your highness," he said.  "I'll... have something on your desk as soon as possible."

Twilight tried to laugh breezily. It didn't quite come off. "Oh well, it's not like that puts us... too far behind schedule," she said, smiling stiffly. She let out a little laugh. "I'll just... move back the first five items on my morning sub-checklist in, um, an hour? Yes, an hour should be plenty of time for you to give me an itemized writeup of the Guard's schedule for today. Right?" She turned around to leave. "Come along, Spike..."

"Oh, hey, Twilight, maybe I should stay here and help him?" Spike said suddenly. "I mean, Number One Assistant, right? I know how you like things organized and I can help him get it written out the way you like."

"Good thought, Spike," she said. "You stay here and help Captain Sentry. I still have a few more ponies to meet with before we dock.Just let me make a duplicate of the master list..." Her horn glowed; another scroll equal to the size of the first appeared.  "Okay! I've got a few more of the staff to consult with and correlate our itineraries. I'll leave you two to it." With that, she turned and trotted out of the room.

Flash looked at Spike. Spike looked at Flash. "I'm sure she's just... nervous," Flash said, regarding the scroll in Spike's arms. "Overplanning to compensate." There was a note of fading hope in his voice.

Shaking his head, Spike stepped over and rested a claw on the Captain of the Guard's shoulder. "Dude, there's a few things you need to know about your new boss..." he said sympathetically.

 

---

"And now--- opening for the WONDERBOLTS: Princess Rainbow Dash, Equestria's first FIREBOLT!" The cheering was there, but it was more what Rainbow Dash thought of 'polite' cheering. That 'okay, you're here, now impress us' sort of cheering when a new show opened. Some were applauding because she was their new Princess; some were maybe a touch more enthusiastic because she was a Cloudsdale native and a former pegasus-- 'one of them.' But it was still way more reserved than Rainbow Dash really liked.

Well, she was about to change that.

She flew up through the center of the Cloudiseum escorted by four Wonderbolts. The instant they peeled away in a bomburst, she poured on the speed, rocketing skyward. At a thousand feet she hit the sound barrier, and a Sonic Rainboom exploded over Cloudsdale.

That oughta get their attention, Dash thought smugly. ...wherever they are. She stalled out and then pulled a corkscrew dive to the stadium far below. The cheering--- mad-awesome cheering-- rose to meet her. She slalomed through the cloud pillars down the center of the floating coliseum, then pulled out into a Super Speed Strut along the rim of the stadium, right in front of the lowest seats. Squeals and shouts of surprise trailed behind her; few if any noticed that the alicorn's horn was glowing vividly as she raced by, completing a full circuit.

Nothin'.

She pulled a Cuban Eight and switched directions, this time flying through cloudhoops set along the top rim of the Cloudiseum, right above the nosebleed seats. Her tailwind was so fierce that the hoops burst apart as she passed through them, swirling off in eddies of mist. The fans short on bits got an unexpected thrill, for sure. She saw bluecollar stallions and mares with their colts and fillies, cheering and applauding like mad.

Still not what I'm lookin' for.

She switched out to a high and tight lazy eight, swooping back and forth across the Cloudiseum, pulling near-stallout turns at each of the private viewing boxes, lighting up the clouds around her as she pumped more power into her horn. The cloudsdale elite nearly jumped out of their skins; she heard more than one noblemare (and at least one noblestallion) shriek in alarm as she seemed to come within mere inches of smashing through the glass and falling into their laps. She chuckled to herself even as she flew past.

 Aaaand... nothin.'

 

She flew a final barrel roll the length of the Cloudiseum, flew up to the Royal box, and alighted as gently as a feather, the roar of the crowd below deafening. She held the pose for a moment with her wings flared, smiling for the crowds and the cameras, then took her seat on the royal lounge chair. Scootaloo was standing next to it, bouncing up and down and practically vibrating with excitement. "That was awesome, Rainbow D-- I mean Princess!" the orange filly said.

Dash chuckled and gave her a quick noogie. "We aim to please, kid," she said, picking her up and planting her on the cloud-couch next to her.

Scootaloo leaned in close. "Find anything?" she whispered.

Dash grimaced and shook her head. "Nothin'," she said. "Complete disappointment, kiddo."

Scootaloo sighed. "Nuts. I was kinda hoping we'd do better the first time out."

"Yeah, I know. Well... better luck next time," Dash said. "Might as well sit back and enjoy the airshow for now." Scootaloo nodded. The two turned their attention back to the stadium, where the team was pulling off a gorgeous double overtake. They never even noticed the expressions lingering on the faces of the two Wonderbolts standing honor guard with them.

The next hour went by quickly. The new show was a hit. The newly coronated Princess Dash finished off the show with another sonic rainboom, this one a triple-burst-- passing back and forth through the center of her own sonic boom, making a triple ring shockwave. The crowds ate it up.

That wasn't the end, though. After a quick clean up and trading her flame-decaled tights for her torc, gold sandals and laurel leaves, she was at the head of a ticker tape parade from the Cloudiseum gates to City Hall, right through the center of Cloudsdale. Dash certainly gave her wingpony guards a workout; she was everywhere, flitting back and forth across the thoroughfare to shake hooves and give out autographs and pose for pictures, diving in to hover side by side with her teammates as they did their usual meet-and-greets with the fans along the parade route.

The parade ended at city hall, with the mayor there to give the newest Princess-- "A filly right out of our own town--" a welcome befitting Equestrian royalty; a new permanent cloudsculpture of the Mane Six.(1)  The finishing touch was when the mayor presented her with an honorary diploma from the flight school she had dropped out of.

She managed to ramble out a short thank-you speech that she hoped didn't sound too lame. For lack of anything else to say she finished with "Stay in school, kids!" and held up the diploma for all the flashing cameras.

She winced from the lights, rubbing her head. She caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of the Wonderbolts lined up behind her. They were trying to be stone faced, but even she couldn't miss the sour turn of their mouths.

 

---

The scene in the locker rooms back aboard the Thunderstreak was terse, to say the least. The mood of the 'bolts showering up(2) ranged from unhappy to disgruntled to outright fuming. There wasn't a 'bolt there who didn't have a bitter comment to make.

"...And did you get that 'stay in school' line?" Silver Lining snorted, tossing her towel in the laundry hamper. "A Flight School dropout getting a free diploma. Great message, there."

"Guys," Fire Streak said as he changed into a clean uniform, "She's a princess, you know. You'd better watch what you say."

"Won't change what's true. She got everything given to her wrapped up in a big ol' ribbon. She finds some old magic jewelry, gets caught in some weird unicorn explosion, and gets it all in one go--- Alicornhood, princesshood, the leader of the Wonderbolts--"

"Owner of the Wonderbolts, you mean," Wavechill snarked, slamming his locker. "We're nothing but dress-up dolls for her now. So she can go out and play at being a Wonderbolt herself. What a privileged brat."

"Got that right," Misty Fly muttered. "You know she had Lightning Streak run back to the ship halfway through the show? She needed someone to feed her pet turtle."

Silver Lining rolled her eyes. "Five bits says she has him giving it walkies around town," she snickered.

"What, and miss a chance to be in front of the cameras?" High Winds growled. "That ego hog?"

"Yeah, face it," Star Flash said. "We're stuck playing babysitter and backup band for a lazy spoiled brat who didn't earn a single thing she's been--"

The locker room door banged open. Everypony in the room turned around. Standing in the doorway was Princess' little orange sidekick. She had a clipboard under one wing and her winged baseball cap on her head and an expression on her face none of them would ever forget.

"You-- you--" speechless, the filly angrily kicked the towel cart she'd been pushing into the locker room and bolted.

Silver Lining spoke for them all. "Ahh, crap."

"Told ya," Fire Streak said with mock cheerfulness.

 

---

Rainbow Dash was in her room, talking to a tortoise.

"I don't know what to do, Tank," the rookie princess said morosely. She was leaning on the side of Tank's terrarium, her forelegs dangling down inside to pat the Gallop-agos tortoise on his wrinkly head. "I thought this was my dream come true, you know?  Me and the Wonderbolts, working together. The only way that could be more awesome is if Daring Do decided to sign up, right? But-- they're all stiff and cold and they stop talking the minute I walk in the room... and... the way I catch some of them looking at me... Like I'm this big jerk--"

She looked worried. "Am I a big jerk? Am I screwing up again? I'm not cruising for another Mare Do Well, am I?"

Tank nudged her dangling hoof with his head affectionately. Dash smiled a little. Good old Tank; loyal to a fault. It made things a little better with him in her corner... made her forget that nagging horn-ache-- was that a word? She'd have to ask Twilight-- that she'd been feeling ever since the voyage had started out.

The door burst open. Scootaloo came tumbling in.  Rainbow Dash hastily stood up, wiping her face and trying to look cool. "Hey, squirt, where's the fire?"

Scootaloo looked up at Dash. Her cheeks were flushed red and she was chuffing like a steam engine. The look on her face was an eloquent mix of shock, disbelief, heartbreak, anger, and betrayal. "Rainbow Dash--- you won't believe what I heard the Wonderbolts saying--!"

 

---

An hour later, Spitfire walked into Rainbow Dash's quarters. She had changed into her dress uniform, complete with her aviator sunglasses; it hadn't taken her long to get word from the other 'Bolts about Dash's little orange eavesdropper; she figured on getting one hell of a dressing down and dressed accordingly. The door clicked shut behind her. "You wanted to see me, Your Highness?" She said.

Rainbow Dash didn't look at her. She had her back turned to Spitfire, and was looking out the ornate windows that faced out the stern of the zeppelin, apparently watching the Cloudsdale skyline. She didn't say anything for a minute. Spitfire was too professional to fidget. "You're their Captain, Spitfire," the alicorn princess said, her raspy voice surprisingly quiet. "So tell me. For all of you.

"What is your problem with me?"

Spitfire growled inwardly. Her Royal Highness had gotten her royal feelings hurt, it seemed. Oh joy. This was going to make this gig just wonderful. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be a little more specific than--"

Princess Dash spun around and stamped her forehooves on the teakwood floor. "Oh cut the crap, Spitfire!" She barked. "I may not be the smartest Bearer in the Elements of Harmony, but even I can't miss the dirty looks the other 'Bolts are shooting at me when they think I'm not looking." She started pacing in a tight circle in front of the Wonderbolts captain.  "I didn't miss the way everyone shuts up and gets all frosty around me, or how when I walk into the room, they all start walking out. Or the way you get all prissy when I talk to you," she added the last scathingly.

"And now I get word that you're are all sitting around the locker room talking smack about me!"

"I'll have the ones responsible disciplined--" Spitfire started.

Dash stamped her hooves again. "I said cut the crap!" She stopped pacing and got up in Spitfire's face. " I don't want your 'discipline,' I want answers! I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth! So I'm gonna ask again, what is your and your team's major malfunction?"

Spitfire's face flushed hot red. "Permission to speak freely?" She asked, her teeth clenched.

"Did I stutter?" Dash retorted. "Spit it out!"

Spitfire glared at her and dropped her pretense. "You want to know what's wrong, Princess?" she said. "You don't deserve a thing you've been given, that's what. You're a pampered, reckless, irresponsible, inconsiderate, grandstanding showoff who got handed everything you have on a silver platter. You abused your crown to get your pretty little place, and you made a mockery of everything the Wonderbolts stood for by writing yourself into the top slot. And every pony in the 'Bolts can't stand you because every pony in the Bolts who looks at you just gets a reminder of how worthless all their hard work and sacrifice is." She kicked at the Firebolt costume that lay wadded up on the floor. "You don't deserve that crown and you sure as heck don't deserve to be a Wonderbolt, much less a 'Firebolt,' " she added, making quote marks in the air with her hooves.

Her Royal Highness had obviously not been expecting all that. She stood gaping at Spitfire like she'd been slapped. "Reckless? Irresponsible? Pampered?? Where do you get off with that??"

"Oh please, Dash," Spitfire snorted. " Half the time I come in here you're just finishing primping in front of your mirror. You spent every minute of today running back and forth to jump in front of other Bolts to sign autographs and pose for the cameras.  You just got handed a crown, a statue and a free diploma from your old High School. You reorganized the whole airshow so you were the main feature, and flew dangerous stunts right over the crowds' heads just so they could get a closer look at you. Your head is so swollen the cloudpushers could use it for a weather balloon."

She gave Dash a contemptuous look through her aviator sunglasses. "Someone needs to take you down a peg."

It was the absolute worst thing she could have said.

***

"Mare Do Well--- all the time she was you guys? YOU were the one upstaging me and making me look like a boob? But why? Why did you do this to me??"

Twilight doffed her garish purple hat and cape. "Because you were letting all that fame go to your head." She bit her lip.

"We're sorry dear," Rarity sniffed officiously. "But it was for your own good..."

"Ayep. Fraid we just had to take you down a peg," Applejack added---

***

"You-- you--!!" Face red with rage, Princess Rainbow Dash lunged at the Captain of the Wonderbolts.

Over the course of her career, Spitfire had dealt with nobles and their privileged sons and daughters countless times. More than once she'd been asked or ordered to tell them precisely what she thought. As a Captain in the Guard, she was authorized by Celestia and Luna to physically defend herself even against high-ranking royalty. She was fully prepared for Princess Dash to try and slap her.

She wasn't quite as prepared for an uppercut to the point of her chin. Her sunglasses went flying.

Protocol and rank went right out the window. The two mares came together in a flailing tangle of wings and hooves. It was a close match: Spitfire was fast with her hooves as she was with her wings. She was also, at least marginally, a trained soldier and knew how to subdue most any attacker. Dash on the other hand had a black belt in one martial art and a brown belt in two others, was the only mare in history to break the sound barrier and was a freaking alicorn. The fight was brief, but in the three seconds it lasted Spitfire got a taste of what it was like to tangle with someone who had both pegasus reflexes and earth pony strength. She got in a couple of shots to the face, but the fight ended with Rainbow Dash delivering a haymaker that flipped the fire-maned pegasus completely over in midair. She landed in a corner on her back, stars and planets spinning around her head.

Rainbow Dash stood over her, feet spread, royal regalia askew, snorting angrily. Spitfire noted with some satisfaction that the Princess' left eye was already rapidly swelling shut.

A chiming noise came from the wardrobe.

Spitfire blinked and shook her head. No, the ringing wasn't in her head; it was most definitely coming from the cabinet standing by the bed, the one with the multiple mirrors inside. The decorative windchimes hanging from one corner were jingling merrily, despite the lack of a breeze, and playing a merry repetitive tune.  Rainbow Dash shot it a glance and hastily smoothed out her mane and her regalia, muttering to herself. "Stay here and shut your piehole," she snapped under her breath at Spitfire. She stalked over to the cabinet, took a moment to compose herself then swung the doors open. "Hi, who is it?"

Spitfire rattled her head again. Did Dash just talk to an empty cabinet? She got to her feet and quietly crept around till she could see over Dash's shoulder. What she saw made her jaw drop to the floor-- and her heart drop to her hooves. Instead of six reflections of Rainbow Dash, the six mirrors showed five reflections of the rainbow-maned alicorn...and of one considerably larger rainbow maned alicorn, with a white coat and a familiar shining sun cutie mark. "Oh, hey, Princess Celestia," Rainbow Dash said. Spitfire could see she was struggling to keep her face neutral.

"Please, Rainbow Dash," the reflection of Princess Celestia said. "Just 'Celestia' between the two of us. We are peers, now--" the day ruler seemed to realize that Rainbow Dash was looking a bit battered. She started and blinked in alarm. "Rainbow Dash! What happened to your eye?"

"What? What about it?" Dash said, trying to sound innocuous.

Celestia frowned. "Dash--" she looked up and caught a glimpse of Spitfire. Spitfire gulped; she realized she was looking pretty disheveled herself, and had a few nice purple bruises forming where the Princess could see them. "Rainbow Dash, Captain Spitfire-- what is going on?" Celestia asked in that stern-yet-motherly tone of hers.

Dash looked over and saw Spitfire standing behind her. She made strained "shooing" noises in her throat and waved her frantically to the side. Spitfire took the hint and got out of Celestia's line of sight. "It's nothing I can't handle, Princess," Dash said to the mirror.

Spitfire could almost see Celestia's expression, just from the tone of voice. "Dash... if there is some problem with your crew--"

"I can handle it," Dash said.

"It isn't anything that's going to affect your mission, is it?" Celestia asked.

Dash stood her ground. "No, it won't. I promise." She shook her head, then looked Celestia in the eye. "You said we're peers now, right? Like equals and stuff? So I give you my word as an equal; I can work this problem out on my own." She looked over at Spitfire. "She's my Captain, she's my problem. I'll deal with it."

There was long pause. "Very well," Celestia said. She sounded resigned. And maybe a little pleased? "I will leave you do deal with whatever... internal staff problems you seem to be having." She cleared her throat. "I was just doing a quick check-in to see if there were any results?"

Dash shook her head. "Nuthin' yet, " she said. "Of course my range is way lower than anypony else's, so..."

"Well, I scarcely expected anything the first day," Celestia said. "If you do find or detect anything of note, contact myself or Luna immediately... we'll have a pony stationed by the mirrors to take down any messages you may have."

"You got it, Prin-- Um, Celestia," Dash said, sketching a salute.

Spitfire heard Celestia chuckle. "Later, my little pony," she said. The faint glow emanating from the mirror-cabinet went dark. Spitfire stuck her head around the frame and looked inside. The mirrors only showed six reflections of Rainbow Dash and six reflections of her own dumbfounded face.

Dash smirked humorlessly at her. "I'm 'Primping in front of a mirror all day,' huh?" she said.

A magic glow surrounded the mirrors; they folded into the cabinet which shut with a snap. Spitfire looked at Rainbow Dash. "Why did you..."

"Cover for your sorry rump?" Dash said. "'Cause I meant what I said. You're MY underling, you're MY problem. Got a problem with that?"

Spitfire's ears flicked back. She realized she'd only thought she was getting chewed out before. "What-- what was all that about a mi--" She started to say 'mission' but Dash interrupted her.

"Oh no no no no," Dash said. "Your talky-talky is done. This is the part where you stick a hoof in it and listen until I'm done talking. So shut up, sit down and listen hard."

Spitfire shut up, sat down, and listened.

 

 

---

1)Featuring their own hometown hero Rainbow Dash and those other five fillies, what were their names again?

2)They walk around nekkid. They scarcely need separate locker rooms.

 

"Let's start with that 'didn't earn my place' horseapples," Dash said. She marched over to the window and threw it open. The cool Cloudsdale breezes blew in. Mystified, Spitfire watched as Dash took the Element of Loyalty off. "Seems you don't think I earned this. Well, fine." With a casual flick of her hoof she tossed it out the window.

"Yaaagh!" Spitfire yelped. She galloped to the window and looked out, trying to spot the glimmer of falling jewelry. She was about to jump out and dive after the priceless relic blind when a hoof tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around to scream imprecations at the Princess of Loyalty.

Dash smirked. "Psych." Before Spitfire could get a word out there was a flash of octarine light around Dash's neck, and the golden necklace was right back in place.

"Wha--?"

"Li'l upgrade Twilight added," Dash said. "Can't get more than ten feet from me before it teleports back."

"Garh... you... ARGH!" Spitfire managed.

"Hey, what's the dealio? Thought you didn't think I deserved to have it." Dash shrugged in mock casualness. "I figure it would find its own way to somepony who did." Her scowl returned. "You know, like somepony who went into the Everfree forest and beat Nightmare Moon? Like I did?"

"..." Spitfire said.

"Oh, don't say anything yet. We're just getting started." Dash walked over to a display case on the wall and started pulling things down. "Maybe you don't think Nightmare Moon was enough to 'deserve' the Element of Loyalty or being a Princess or a Wonderbolt or anything else. So how about this?" She threw a framed newspaper clip at Spitfire; it bounced off her chest and fell to the floor. "How about pulling off a Sonic Rainboom when I was eight years old?" A medal followed the clipping. "Or the Filly Five Hundred at ten?" A dozen medals and ribbons followed. "How about a dozen other athletic events before I was even old enough to hold a job?"

"How about Discord, huh? Or the Changeling invasion? Or the Crystal Empire? Or the two dragon attacks on Ponyville? The buffalo war in Appleoosa? Tornado Day? How about breaking every record in Wonderbolt Academy? Or how about this one--" a winged coronet sailed across the room to strike the Wonderbolt in the chest. "How about the Best Young Flier's Competition, where I pulled off only the second Sonic Rainboom in history and saved your life?" At this point she was in Spitfire's face, yelling at the top of her lungs.

"Tell me, Captain Spitfire, did I earn the glorious privilege of working with your wonderful self?"

Spitfire sat there, looking at the trophies and mementos scattered on the floor at her hooves, speechless. "Well, Captain, let me clue you in on something," Dash continued. "In case you didn't figure it out, I never got 'given' anything. Not once. I wasn't born in some noblepony's family or in some royal palace. I spent my high school years pushing clouds to earn spare bits, then went right into doing it to pay rent when I dropped out. I spent every minute I wasn't working weather on training. Training to join your wonderful Wonderbolts. And when I wasn't doing that I was out helping my friends save the freaking world. I earned every last medal, trophy, and bit of applause I got, even if some stuck-ups thought I didn't. I even earned that diploma they awarded me today... it was a degree in weather management. Don't you dare, don't you ever dare say I didn't earn my place."

She spun around, refusing to look at the Captain. "What I can't figure out is how the hell you clowns ever got yours."

Spitfire swelled up, wings flaring. "I earned my rank by working my way up through the rank and file, like every other Wonderbolt has. The way it's supposed to be--"

"And who gave you those promotions, Howdy Doody?" Dash snapped. "You're a bunch of useless showboats! C'mon, let's look at the record here. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis--- complete no-show. Dragon attack? Two seconds and you mighty, mighty Wonderbolts are trapped like bugs in a jar. Rarity falls out of the sky and three of you manage to get knocked out. Grade school pegasus foals know to not grab at a falling pony's flailing legs!

"You're supposed to be the biggest, best and baddest sky fighters in Equestria but you spend all your time doing air shows and pegasus derbies and posing for pictures." She huffed. "Where do you get off calling me swell-headed?"

Spitfire had gone from seething to wilting. Nothing was so devastating to the ego as the unvarnished truth. Dash didn't let up; she drove the screws home. "And then there's you personally. Tornado day, you just sat there on your plot and watched a mission critical water delivery fail. To heck with the record---you, the big bad Wonderbolt, you couldn't get off your fat duff and lend us the wingpower to get that waterspout up to Cloudsdale.

"And Wonderbolt Academy? I come to the Wonderbolt academy, and put up with all that stupid, pointless Drill Sergeant Nasty horsecrap of yours, blow the doors off every record you ever set, and you give the wingleader badge to the most reckless jerk in the squad. Who nearly gets the squad and all my friends-- you know, the Elements of Harmony-- KILLED. And you don't even know about it because you're too busy sitting in your office autographing pictures!

" The worst one though? The absolute worst, personally? I meet you at the Grand Galloping Gala, and even after all I'd done, after I'd saved the world and saved your life you barely--" her voice hitched a bit. " You barely even remember my name. And you're too busy sucking up to rich hoity toity ponies to say two words to me." Dash turned away again. "I admired you, I respected you... I wanted to be you, when I was a filly. I spent my whole life dreaming of being a Wonderbolt, working my tail and mane off for it..." Spitfire saw her rub her hock across her eyes. "And now I can't have it, but I could have something LIKE it... and you all do this to me."

It was like a barbed dagger through the heart. Spitfire looked the young princess over. She was rough and rawboned and yes, exploding with talent-- she had been even before she'd become an alicorn. And yeah, she was a showboater. But what little Spitfire had known about her just underlined what the Element around her neck said; she was loyal to the death... but if loyalty was her Element, it meant that she needed ponies to be loyal to her as much as she needed to be loyal to them.

And the ponies she admired most in the world, if the posters on the walls meant anything, hadn't even given her one day's chance. Spitfire really felt like horseapples now. She watched her new leader sitting in front of the picture window, sniffling and puddling up, and felt like absolute crap.

The silence lingered. "Your Highness, if you respect us so much," Spitfire said, "Then why do you keep doing all this stuff to us?" It wasn't an angry accusation, just a quietly stated question.

Dash looked back over her shoulder. Her cheeks were wet. "All what stuff?"

"Like using ponies as your errand colts," Spitfire said. "I mean honestly. Sending Lightning Streak in the middle of a show to feed your turtle?"

"Tortoise," Dash corrected automatically. "And what of it?" She seemed to lose her aggression. "You mean I insulted him? I... I didn't mean to. It's just-- I couldn't leave myself; Lightning wasn't performing, and I thought he liked Tank! He grew up around turtles, right?"

Spitfire suddenly recalled; she was right. Lightning Streak had grown up on a turtle farm, hadn't he.  "You still shoulda sent that little orange sidekick of yours instead--"

"Uh, no I couldn't."  Dash looked aside. "She can't quite fly yet. Raised by earth ponies." She shrugged. "Didn't you notice I was carrying her everyplace in Cloudsdale?"

"Uh, no, I... I hadn't." Spitfire blinked. "Tough break for the kid."

"She's improving. Just a late bloomer."

Spitfire waved it off. "Forget that, then. You've turned the whole show upside down, putting yourself front and center-- practically flying in the audience's faces with those low-altitude stunts..."

Dash grimaced. "I can't help that." She tapped her horn. "My range is still really bad... I can't get more than a hundred feet, tops..."

"Range? Range for what?"

"For the scan, duh," Dash rolled her eyes-- or eye, rather; one was swelled shut. "Twilight and the others can detect another alicorn from like, a mile away, but even they have to be within a hundred feet or so before it becomes directional. What?" For Spitfire's pupils had gone to pinpricks.

"Other alicorns?" the Wonderbolt Captain repeated.

There was an unearthly long pause. "Spitfire," Dash said, suddenly frighteningly calm. "What exactly did you think our big super-secret mission was?"

Spitfire felt a growing suspicion. "Tell me again...."

The explanation was long, and fairly detailed. By the time it was done, Spitfire was softly, but firmly, banging her forehead on the nearest wall. She groaned, her face in her hooves. "So that's it," she said. "Alicorns. We're looking for alicorns! You weren't just pulling air stunts, you were flying a search pattern! I feel like such a blockhead...Why didn't Celestia or Luna TELL us?"

"I thought she did!" Dash protested. "I asked you if you knew what the mission was."

"To look after you," Spitfire said. "At least that's what I thought she'd said--" She paused, fumbling for words. "Princess Celestia... might have mentioned that you'd have more details, but I assumed she meant things like schedules and rotations and--- well darn it you know how vague and obscure she can be," she finished, flustered.

"Yyyyeah," Dash said, sighing in disgust. "I could see it happening that way, yeah. She's still doing that cryptic mentor thing that drove Twilight bonkers. After a thousand years it's probably a habit..."

Dash's hoof tapped against one of the discarded medals lying about. Her grin faltered a bit as the awkwardness of the past half-hour settled back in. Spitfire saw it and tried to offer an olive branch. "For the record, Princess-- I did remember all those things you did. At the Gala. And later. I was just...playing it cool. We meet ponies all the time who've done some pretty awesome stuff. Heck, most of 'em become teammates." She sighed. "Every Wonderbolt has to go up the same ladder, one rung at a time. That's the motto, that's the attitude. You gotta pay your dues, no matter who you are." Spitfire looked abashed. "Then we looked up and you were sitting there up at the top of the ladder already. It never dawned on us that you might have got there by climbing up there yourself when we weren't looking."

Rainbow Dash managed a wry grin. "Like my dad always says. 'Some ponies, you can hit a triple and they'll swear you were born on third base.' "

Spitfire gave a half-smile. She picked up a couple of the scattered ribbons with her wingtips and offered them to the princess. "We still got a lot of rebuilding to do, don't we."

"Yeah." Dash took the ribbons and looked away.

Spitfire hesitated. "You're right about the Wonderbolts," she said suddenly. "We've... been in decline a long time. When we were founded, the air shows were supposed to be a recruiting gimmick. But we haven't seen any real combat or missions in years. Decades." She shrugged. "Till soon the shows were all that we really did. We stopped being soldiers and started being celebrities instead. Lost our edge." She winced. "We got a little too full of ourselves to do our duty properly. I'm gonna be busy convincing those flying blockheads that the Wonderbolts aren't too darn special to pull a round of guard duty."

"Hey, it ain't just guard duty, here," Dash said. " She smirked a little and struck a pose. "It's guard duty for the most awesome Princess outta Cloudsdale."

"...Princess Fluttershy." Spitfire held up her hooves defensively, grinning. "Kidding, only kidding..."

Dash snorted. "Funny. Anyway, it ain't just Guard duty. We're on a mission from Celestia to literally change the world. That's kind of awesome right there, innit?"

"The lost alicorns," Spitfire nodded. "The Panacea. Yeah, pretty awesome. Think we can do it?"

"Hey, I know we can," Dash said, holding her head up and sticking her chest out. "Princess of Loyalty and the Wonderbolts? As long as we got each other's backs, what's gonna stop us?"

"Heh. I like the attitude." Spitfire looked at the princess sidewise. "So... Pax?"

"Pax." Rainbow Dash spit on her hoof and held it out. Spitfire winced, but copied the gesture. "Hope you don't mind my saying so, Princess," Spitfire said as they shook hooves, "But you really don't wanna do that at a peace summit or anything..."

"Hah! Now I want to do it, just to see their faces." Dash grinned. She stooped and scooped up her trophies off the floor where she'd dropped them.

"So, first step is probably going to be briefing the rest of the 'Bolts. Properly, this time." Spitfire said. She paused. "All of them. Squadmates gotta work together, and they can't do that if they don't know the other one's flight plan."

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, picking up the rest of her scattered trophies and stuffing them back into the display case. "And I don't... I don't want them thinking about me the way that they are right now, either."

  "I'll call an assembly in the dining hall," Spitfire said. "Get 'em all at once." The two of them started for the door. Spitfire bowed and held it open for the Princess. It was a small gesture, but it was something. "So," she asked as they walked together. She rubbed a livid bruise on her own cheek. "Um. What do we tell them about my face and your shiner?"

"The truth. We got in a fight and I kicked your plot." Dash chuckled.

"Heyyy," Spitfire whined.

"Hey, it's the truth--"

 

---

They had the Wonderbolts in the dining hall within the half hour. The explanations took a long time, and there was a lot of disbelief and a lot of back-and-forth questions. But Rainbow Dash could tell when the tide of opinion among the Wonderbolts turned in her favor. There was some reluctance and lingering resentment and a lot of shamefaced guilt, but when they heard how Dash had refused to rat out Spitfire, the spark of loyalty spread rapidly through the crowd. By the end of the briefing, the entire Wonderbolts team was enthusiastically on board with the plan-- and with their rainbow-maned daredevil Princess.

It was halfway through that Dash realized that her nagging horn-ache was gone. It was half an hour afterward that she realized she hadn't seen or heard anything that let her know that she had their loyalty now. She'd felt it...

The wardrobe chimed. Twilight listened; the chimes were for a general call-- everypony to the mirrors, please. She stepped up and popped the cabinet open.

The other five were already at their mirrors, some of them looking drowsy and frazzled from rising early. "What's up, Twi?" Rainbow Dash asked, yawning.

"I didn't call; I think it was Celestia," Twilight said, looking over at the center mirror, which currently showed...nopony. Where was she? "I think Celestia called us for something--" Twilight looked back at Rainbow Dash. "Dash, is that a black eye?"

Rainbow Dash gave a half-apologetic grin. "Heh. You should see the other pony. Don't worry about it, it's handled. Professor Quibble's probably gonna have me spend the morning practicing minor healing magic, though." She dabbed at her eye carefully. "So what's the five-alarm fire?"

"I don't know, Celestia is--" Twilight started to say, when Celestia herself suddenly popped back into view. She looked a bit... dishevelled, for lack of a better word. Though it almost felt blasphemous to even think it, Twilight reflected.

"Hello, my little ponies!" Celestia said cheerfully. "I'm in the Castle of the Royal Sisters. We seem to be having a bit of trouble here, it's brought up a bit of an issue..."

There was a scream. A moment later, Discord went running past in the background, a look of absolute panic on his face. He was being pursued by what looked like several thick, thorny black vines. "Ahem," Celestia continued. "It seems that one of Discord's old pet projects from back before he was petrified--" there was the sound of something smashing; Discord came running the other way, looking over his shoulder as several vines gave chase.

"-- has gotten out of hand. Fortunately he remembered it before it got past the borders of the Everfree, and--" There was a roar and a gout of flame. Several unicorns came back the other way, jetting flame from the tips of their horns as the vines reluctantly retreated. Screams and shouts and several naughty words echoed from offscreen. "Oh blast it, I'm in no condition to deal with this--- look, we need to call the Elements back."

"But... we just got here," Dash protested.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "No no, not the bearers. We just need the Elements." Discord crabbed across backward in the background, wearing an unbuttoned shirt and waving a chainsaw that judging by the way the blade flopped around was obviously made of rubber at several thorny tendrils.

"Listen up, you primeval screwheads. This is my BROOMSTICK!" He yelled, suddenly whipping out a janitor's broom from behind his back and waving it at the enroaching vines. The vines, unimpressed, snatched it away and snapped it in half. Discord let out a "yeep" and retreated faster.

Celestia groaned and shook her head. "You see we oooOOOP!" Celestia was cut off in mid sentence as several loops of vine dropped around her and yanked her out of sight. There was a tremendous rumpus.

"Agh, not that way!"

"Leggo!"

"Yeeek!"

Several armored guards retreated across the mirror view, waving swords.

"Stand your ground, men, stand your ground!"

"No way, man. I've seen enough Neighpon cartoons to know where this is going!"

"Shuddup Color Commentary or I'll dress you in a schoolgirl outfit and THROW you to them! Now charge!"

"For the Princesses!"

"Oh grand, for the Princesses," Celestia could be heard saying. "In that case would you mind cutting your Princess loose??"

There was the sound of clashing arms. Celestia reappeared, severel loops of severed vine hanging off her mane. "Look it's complicated so I'll give you the Cliff's Notes version," she said. "The Elements of Harmony came from an ancient magical tree called the Tree of Harmony." The glass frosted over and a ghostly image of a crystalline tree appeared. "It sits in a cavern below the Castle of the Sisters, and its magic keeps the Everfree in check. The tree has weakened without them, though, and one of Discord's old booby traps-- these vines-- have finally broken loose and started growing everywhere. We need to restore the Elements to the Tree in order to keep the vines, and then the Everfree, from taking over Equestria."

The mane six looked down at the gems hanging around their necks. "But what about..." Fluttershy said. "Well. Everything? Our mission, and the alicorns..."

"Yeah, how will we cast the ascension spell without them?" Rainbow Dash said.

Celestia tsked. "You shouldn't need the Elements of Harmony, you're the alicorns of Harmony now, you're more than powerful enough to cast the spell without them. Now please hurry-- these vines are getting impertinent!"

"Of course, Celestia," Twilight said. "What do we do?"

 

---

Several minutes of hasty instruction (interspersed on Celestia's side of the mirror with fire, explosions, and Discord screaming like a schoolfilly), and they had readied a teleportation spell. The six bearers each knelt in a chalk diagram sketched out on their cabin floors. Their horns glowed, their Elements shining in response. With a sixfold flash of light, the gems disappeared from their settings and reappeared in a pile at Celestia's hooves. "Oh thank heaven," she said, snatching them up in her magic. "Everypony! To the Chamber of the Tree!" she shouted. There was a rousing cheer, and a score of guards and unicorn scholars followed her as she galloped from the room. The stampede was tailed by Discord, who was bound head to toe in thorny vines and hopping along on tiptoe in pursuit.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow..."

Several long anxious minutes passed. The girls remained riveted to their mirrors, gnawing their lips anxiously, watching the vines creeping back and forth across the empty room. Finally, there was a faint octarine flash of light, and without preamble or ceremony the vines shriveled to dust. Several more minutes passed, and Celestia finally reappeared in front of the mirror. "It's done," she said, smiling beatifically as she brushed her mane out of her face. "The tree is restored and the vines are destroyed."

The girls sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," Twilight said. "I'm sorry we couldn't be there. I would have liked to see this Tree of Harmony..."

"Oh, you'll get the chance eventually," Celestia said. "It's still there after all. And now that the Tree is replenished, the Everfree should actually be a great deal safer, so you'll be able to visit the old castle whenever you wish." She huffed. "I cannot believe how many books and things I just left here. It's embarrassing. I'm going to start a restoration project as soon as I can..." she smiled impishly. "Get ready for a fresh shipment of books sometime soon, Twilight. The library in this old place is stacked with out of print volumes."

"Oh! Well that's... nice." Twilight picked her next words carefully. "And... the Elements?"

By way of answer, Celestia held up a strange, six sided box with six locks. "It seems the Tree has given us... a substitute of some sort," Celestia said. "And it appears we have a bit of a fetch-quest on hand, because I have no idea where the keys are to this thing." Celestia sighed. "Oh well. That's a concern for another time. Don't worry about it, my little ponies. I have a few other ponies working on getting this thing unlocked. For now... I have to go oversee cleanup from the vines..." she winced. "And help Discord remove some, er, seriously embedded vine thorns."

"You owe me big time Celestia" Discord shouted in the distance.

"Take care, my little alicorns," Celestia said. The mirror went dark.

The six alicorn princesses sat there for a moment, looking at one another. "Well... that happened," Pinkie finally said.

 

"I'm sorry."

It was the first sentence, the first two words, that Celestia had spoken to her former pupil in years.

The look on Sunset Shimmer's face faded from defiance to bafflement, then hardened back into wary suspicion. "And what is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Celestia stepped into the chambers. It was anything but a prison cell; the simple, yet comfortable room was sumptuous enough to have played host to various 'prisoners of honor' in the Crystal Empire's darker days. Other than the magical reinforcements girding it about, and the diamond bars over the window, it would have been indistinguishable from many of the guest suites elsewhere in the palace. It pained Celestia's heart no less to see her former pupil in such a glittering cage. "It means precisely what is said, Sunset Shimmer," she said. "That I am sorry."

Sunset Shimmer's expression merely grew more guarded. "Oh? Then for what?"

Celestia folded her legs gracefully beneath herself and settled to the plush carpeted floor. "Uff. Not as easy to do that as it used to be," she muttered, shifting her weight till she was comfortable.

Sunset Shimmer gave her former teacher a critical eye; she could barely help thinking that the Alicorn princess had gotten a bit... thicker around the middle. Shame to see her let herself go, the embittered unicorn thought snidely. Not surprising; she probably figures nothing matters much now that she's got what she wants...

"For... using you," Celestia said.

Sunset's thoughts stuttered to a halt. "So... you finally admit it," she said scornfully.

Celestia looked at her, pitying. "Yes." She took a deep breath.

"You don't think this little admission is supposed to make things all better again?" Sunset said with a toss of her mane.

"Hardly not," Celestia said. "I knew things had gone terribly wrong when you fled through the magic mirror. I didn't expect an easy fix." She extended a hoof to her ex-pupil. "Sunset... were things truly so irreconcilable?"

Sunset glowered over her shoulder. "Do you know where I've been all these years?" she said. "I've been living in a world full of creatures called 'humans.' Transformed into one of them. There's no unicorn magic over there. No weather control. No earth pony agriculture. Everything I ever learned here was completely useless, save for a couple of tiny spells related to the mirror. Three different diplomas from your School for Gifted Unicorns and I couldn't even hold down a job as a fry cook. I had to pretend I was nearly ten years younger and pose as one of their school children because I couldn't understand their culture and had to learn it from scratch." She shuddered in horror. "You cannot imagine the dystopic hell that is their educational system. It's like a low-grade prison for children, designed to turn their brains to mush. There were days I thought I'd slit my wrists if I saw another gym class or cafeteria mystery meal."

"Why subject yourself to that?"  Celestia said. Sunset Shimmer had always had a flair for theatrics, but...

Sunset smirked. "They have an author over there," she said. "Milton. There's a quote from one of his poems; "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven." Her smirk widened. "Didn't take much effort to be top of the pecking order. Being Queen Bee over a bunch of teenagers? Piece of cake.... for what it was worth." Her smirk disappeared. "Not like you were going to allow me to go anywhere in this world, I might as well try my luck in that one."

 

Celestia sighed. "How long did you know? How long did it take for you to figure out my plans?"

"Maybe a month before I left. Maybe two." Sunset said. "I had an inkling all along, really. But that was when the pieces all came together. It was pretty obvious when you kept forbidding me certain books and archives and certain lines of study that there was something you didn't want me to know. I just looked everywhere you told me not to." She snorted. "The pieces all fell into place after I started researching the Elements of Harmony."

"Sunset Shimmer, you were my greatest student. You were more powerful and more skilled than any unicorn I had seen in generations... even rivaling Twilight Sparkle. I would have been blind and foolish not to take you as my student when I first discovered you. But I was blind and foolish in entirely different ways. I had my agenda. And I took little regard in what the consequences were to those who were part of it."

"Really?" Sunset drawled. "I never noticed. Tell me, dearest teacher, how many other unicorns before me did you take under your wing and smother?"

"Did I really smother you?" Celestia said softly.

"Did you?" Sunset began pacing back and forth across the room, glaring at the sun princess all the while. "You lied, you obfuscated, you hid truths from me, you, you HERDED my studies one direction after another, always cutting me off when I started 'getting too far ahead'-- hah!" She fumed. "Smothered me? You admitted it the day I confronted you! You were holding out on me. You never intended for me to succeed, you never intended for me to be all that I could be-- you took me on as your student so you could teach me just enough to be useful. Just enough that I could be a tool to free your sister from her prison. And once she was back you were going to toss me out like yesterday's trash!"

“It didn’t take me long to figure out I’d been used....At least it meant you still had some use for me...." Words from another unicorn, not all that long ago, echoed in Celestia's ears. The words stung. And I deserve every minute of pain they have, Celestia reflected. "Yes," she confessed. "I held back. But I promise you, I would have never discarded you. I was trying to rein you in. I was afraid of what you might do, what you would have become."

"I WOULD HAVE BECOME AN ALICORN!" Sunset Shimmer shouted, her voice raw. "I would have been a princess! I would have been immortal!  I earned that, I sweated and slaved and worked for that-- even when I didn't know what the prize was I knew that there was a prize to have, and I gave everything I had to get it! All the horseapples you put me through..."

"Is that all our time was to you?" Celestia said. "A means to an end?"

"Wasn't it to you??"

Celestia let her jaw close. Touche'.

Sunset was off on a tear. "And who were you to decide I didn't deserve it?" she went on, tears starting in the corners of her eyes. "What a load of horseapples. I don't remember reading about anyone descending on a sunbeam to give you YOUR crown---"

"You're correct. I didn't have that right."

"Oh and now you-- huk?" Under any other circumstances, Celestia would have laughed at the expression on Sunset Shimmer's face.

"Tell me, Sunset Shimmer," Celestia said. "With all my planning, all my conspiring... what was my goal?"

Sunset sputtered a bit. "To... to free your sister from the Moon," she said matter-of-factly.

Celestia allowed herself a smile. "And then?"

Sunset's brow furrowed. "And then you and she would... reign over Equestria," she said.

Celestia let her smile spread another infuriating inch. "And then?"

"And then wha--" Sunset caught herself and shot Celestia her best deadpan look. "Very funny. Hysterical."

"Well?" Celestia goaded, her damnable smile not moving. "And thennnnn?"

Sunset growled. "I hated it when you did this when I was a filly."

"And?"

"And it hasn't improved with age."

"Well? And thennnnnnnn?" Celestia leaned in toward her, obviously waiting for an answer.

"There is no then! That's it! Nightmare Moon defeated, Princess Luna restored, save the day, huzzah huzzah, Sol Invictus, cupcakes for everyone, that's it, the end, nothing else!" Sunset shouted, stamping her hoof in exasperation. "What else is there??"

"Forever is a long long time to say "that's it, the end, nothing else," Sunset Shimmer, " Celestia noted. "This is why I tried to forestall ascension for you. You had a vision of yourself sitting upon a throne, a princess of Equestria-- but no picture in your mind of what came afterward."   

Sunset Shimmer actually looked chagrined. Could I actually be getting through to her? Celestia wondered. "Well," Sunset blustered, "I planned on figuring that out later. I would have had all of forever to decide what came next, after all." She looked away. "But you decided I wouldn't get that opportunity, didn't you?"

It was an obvious line, cast out and fishing. Celestia deliberately took it. "And I was wrong," Celestia repeated.

Sunset Shimmer stood very still. "Wh-what are you..." she swallowed, obviously disbelieving her ears. "You're not..."

"You do enjoy hearing me say that, don't you," Celestia said. "I. Was. Wrong."

"This is... this is some sort of trick?" Sunset said. She turned and faced Celestia.

"No, it is not." Celestia got to her feet. "It is part and parcel of the plans... the "what comes after"... that I hinted at, Sunset. I am blessed with a gift of immortality. Did you never wonder if, in my long life, I ever sought out some means to share it?...."

In a few brief sentences, Celestia outlined the Hunt, the Panacea, the entire Great Plan. Sunset Shimmer's jaw was nearly to the floor by the time she was done. "...Everypony?" she said. She sat down with a thump. "You've been trying to find a way to make everypony an alicorn??"

"Since before your great great great great grandsire was born," Celestia said, nodding. "Luna's imprisonment was a painful delay in that long plan...but even now we make up for lost time."

"If... if making all of us alicorns was your goal, then why...why when I  tried to pursue it...?" Sunset waved a hoof, indicating the years now lost behind them both.

Celestia hung her head a bit. "Because, in the midst of all the plotting for my sister's return, I took my eye off the goal," she admitted. "I let my anxieties over you, over how you were growing, over what might happen, interfere with my judgment. I was alone, and time pressed on me greatly-- and you were so... cold. So indifferent to the Magic of Friendship. I was afraid that you might...no. I all but knew that you would fall down the same path that took my sister and I would be unable to save you, or worse that I would be unable to save Equestria from both Luna and yourself. I convinced myself that you were not yet worthy of alicornhood..."

"And now you think I am?" Sunset said. Suspicious. Skeptical.

Celestia snorted and gave her a wry grin. "Not even close." She held up a hoof, forestalling Sunset's surely scathing reply. "But that's just the thing. I forgot that I wasn't worthy of it, either. Nor was my sister. Nopony is.

"Ascension is nothing less than the gift of life itself. And it never has been, and never will be, about deserving it. And maybe, if I wanted you to be more loving and trusting... I have to love and trust more, first."

Celestia's horn flared white. When the light dimmed, they had transported to a new place. They were standing in a circular crystal chamber, the walls and floor lit from within by silvery light. The roof overhead was open to the sky; the aurora of the Crystal Empire could be seen dancing across the night stars. The floor was etched with a complex pattern of runes and scrying lines that glowed purple and gold. At three equidistant points stood three ponies--- Princess Cadance, Princess Celestia, and a stallion Sunset Shimmer assumed was Prince Shining Armor. While Celestia and Cadance only wore their regalia, for some reason he was wearing a cape over his shoulders. Odd.

Sunset's attention was taken away from that a moment later when Celestia spoke. "Sunset Shimmer, are you ready?"

Sunset felt her heart start to hammer. "This is happening," she breathed, "this is really really happening--??"

Then she stopped. She stood in the middle of the room, panting, looking up at Celestia, tears filling her eyes. "This? Now? Even after all... all I said? After all I did?"

Celestia nodded. "If you are willing."

Sunset Shimmer lowered her head, shaking it. "I-- I can't," she said, her voice cracking. "I can't go back. I can't change what I've done, what I've become. I can't make up for what I've done--"

Celestia stepped forward, lowered her head to Sunset Shimmer's. "And nopony is asking you to," she said. "All we're asking is for you to... accept forgiveness when it is offered."

Sunset Shimmer looked up again, a knot in her throat. "I'd... I'd like that," she croaked.

"Then I hereby give it," Celestia said, smiling. She stepped back to her place in the circle and raised her wings.

"Auntie, are you sure the three of us...?" Cadance said.

"Are more than enough," Celestia said confidently. "If anything, having six alicorns doing it the last time was overkill."

The last time? Sunset managed to wonder giddily.

"From one to another, another to one.

A mark of one's destiny singled out alone, Unfulfilled;

From all of us together, To each of us together--"

The world turned to silver glass.

 

---

"...Sunset Shimmer?"

Sunset opened her eyes. She was lying on the crystal floor, the runic lines humming beneath her. Cadance was kneeling next to her, looking concerned.

"I'm... okay, I think..."  Sunset sat up, pulled her legs beneath her.

Flexed her wings.

The squee of delight rang off the crystal walls like windchimes.

 

Shining Armor sidled over to Celestia while his wife helped a euphoric Sunset to her hooves. "I'm surprised you decided to go through with this so, um, precipitously," he said.

"How so?" Celestia asked.

Shining grimaced discreetly. "You did tell us she had been something of a problem student, even before she ran off," he clarified. "And she was caught breaking into the palace... by her own testimony to get access to one of the Elements of Harmony. So breaking and entering the palace, attempted burglary..."

Celestia 'mm-hmm'ed, "Tell me, Shining Armor, are any of those deeds worthy of a death penalty?" At Shining Armor's shocked expression, she continued. "Shining, to deny her alicornhood, especially when she was so clearly a nascent, was to effectively sentence her to death. It would have placed me in the moral position of having the cure to a fatal illness in my grasp, and refusing to give it to any of the patients in the hospital whom I didn't think were "worthy" of living.

"And yes, she lusted after power-- but desiring power is not a sin nor a crime. Anyone who says they do not desire power is saying they have no desire to effect change. And I am scarcely going to condemn her now for sins which are barely even a fragment of a shadow of those committed by Luna or Discord."

"And if she abuses her power?"

"And if you abuse yours? Or Cadance hers? Or any of the Six?" Celestia smiled a little sadly. "Let us all answer for the sins we actually do commit. Sufficient to the day are the evils thereof."  Her smile turned a little wry. "Besides which, there are ten of us. I think we can take her in a fair fight," she teased. Shining rolled his eyes.

The two of them rejoined Cadance and Sunset Shimmer. "And how are you feeling now, Sunset Shimmer?" Celestia asked.

Sunset Shimmer looked up at her with confused, penitent eyes. "I... I don't know how to feel right now," she confessed, gingerly flexing her new wings, all sorts of emotions warring on her face.

"For now, try 'happy,' " Celestia suggested, startling her with a congratulatory nuzzle.

The new alicorn gave her a surprisingly vulnerable smile. "So what happens next?"

Celestia tsked. "Sunset, Sunset, Sunset. Still no plans for tomorrow?" she teased. "Oh don't look at me like that. There are a few things to plan at Canterlot... a few fences to mend with old acquaintances back at your old school, for one," this earned a wince from Sunset Shimmer. "And quite a few machinations behind the scene for the Great Plan with which you will be helping. And perhaps some time for you to grow acquainted with the others."

"Others?"

"Why yes. I don't know how close the tabs are you've been keeping on dear old Equestria but you have nine other alicorns besides myself to acquaint yourself with... though most of them are scattered hither and yon at the moment--"

Sunset's wings flared in surprise. "Nine??"

"Counting the three standing next to you right now," Celestia said. Sunset looked at Celestia and Cadance, doing an obvious mental count, then gave Shining Armor a puzzled look. "Come on, Captain, remove your cape..."

"Yeah, come on, honey, take it off, woo woo," Cadance teased. Grumbling and red faced, Shining Armor dropped his cloak from his shoulders and flapped his still rather preadolescent wings.

Sunset stared. "Snrrrk....."

 

The Cherry Jubilee was in full swing when Applejack's ship arrived at Dodge Junction. Every street was full of booths and carriages and tents and the narrow path between them were packed with ponies celebrating Dodge Junction's number one crop. Music blasted away, and the sounds and sights and smells of a country fair filled the air.

The city council welcomed Princess Applejack with open arms; as Celestia and the others had expected, the country ponies were apparently tickled pink to have one of their own wearing the royal tiara, and having "their" princess attend their jubilee was just, well, the cherry on top.

For Applejack it was even a little touch of homecoming. No less than Cherry Jubilee herself was there to greet the princess and her entourage. The two mares laughed as they reminisced about the last time Applejack had passed through Dodge Junction. "I'm glad you finally went back and patched up whatever it was you was running from back then," Cherry Jubilee said, giving Applejack a hug. "I always hoped to get another chance to see you when you didn't have a cloud over your head. Though I certainly wasn't expecting you to have a horn growing out of it when I did," she added with a raised eyebrow and a grin.

The Apple princess rolled her eyes. "Nor wings outta my back, I reckon," she chuckled. "Changes coming fast and thick these days."

"Don't I know it," Cherry Jubilee said. She looked up at Applejack's hat. "Though some things stay the same I see. Interesting wear for a princess..."

Applejack adjusted her headgear self-consciously. It had been restored and reblocked, and the hatband was replaced with a jewelled gold band, but it was quite obviously her old beloved Stetson. "Got a word to the wise," she said. "That I shouldn't just throw away the old me 'cause of all the new. Besides, I'm a princess now-- that means I get to decide what that means." She grinned.

"Good advice from a thousand year old mare, I reckon?" Cherry Jubilee said.

Applejack shook her head. "From a twelve year old filly," she said.

"Well Princess, I hope you have a few words of your own," Cherry Jubilee. "We'd all be honored if you said a few words..." she gestured up at the grandstand where a microphone waited. Already a huge crowd was gathering, ready to hear the first words from their new Princess.

Applejack winced a bit, but hid it. "I reckon that's what I'm here for," she said. Part of it, anyway, she thought.

Applejack took a deep breath, smiled nervously and nodded. This would be her first public speech-- and her first try at using the alicorn seeking spell. She'd spent most of the trip being coached for this. She had some mare whose entire job was to teach her diction and elocution and all that other Canterlot style stuff. She'd even written stuff out on notecards to say.

She stepped up to the podium and lifted the microphone in her magical grip to hide the telltale glow as she cast the seeking spell, took a deep breath, looked at her audience.... all those ponies there to see their new Princess, uncertainty and hope on their faces, unsure of what to expect....  and chucked it all out the window. "Greetings, y'all," she said with an awkward smile.  There was a round of polite applause. "I'd say I'm happy to be up here in front of you all, but I'm the alicorn of honesty, and the honest truth is I'm pretty much scared spitless right now." There was some muted laughter. "I know I ain't what you all expected. Sakes, I ain't even what I expected, and I see myself in the mirror every morning." More laughter.

She got a little serious. "A lot of changes have been coming round lately for all of us. Big changes, crazy changes." she rustled her wings and glanced up at her horn. "Case in point.

"I know how scary that can be. Specially for folks like us. I'm an Apple, and an apple farmer from the day I was born. I know what it's like to be a farmer, to rely on things bein' the same as they always were, an' always will be...to be part of that. Rain and shine, sunrise and moonrise, th' turn of the seasons, the blooms in spring and the fruit in the harvest...

"Now all these changes coming around, upsettin' the apple cart-- or the cherry bucket, one of the two--" another brief ripple of laughter. "New princesses popping up all over.You gotta be wonderin' about us, about me; tryin' to take my measure. After Nightmare Moon from one side and Alicorn weddings fulla changelings from the other, you gotta be wondering what shenanigans I'm going to be gettin' up to." The laughter was a little more robust.

"I won't lie to you. Changes are a-coming. A lot of 'em. Some might be a mite unsettling." The crowd was silent. "And some of 'em...some of 'em are going to be wonderful.

"But I promise you this much; what I see here...friends, an' family, and tradition....  Folks lovin' the land, and workin' it, and bringin' forth the goodness in it... that will never change. We may not be able to tell which way the branches are gonna grow, but I promise you that we're never gonna forget our roots. Maker so help me, There'll be cherry blossoms blowing in the hills of Equestria a thousand years from now, and a thousand more after that.

"So whaddya all say we get this shindig underway? I hear tell there's a cherry pie out there with my name on it!" Whoops and cheers answered her, and more than one hat was tossed in the air. The applause sounded like a stampede. The bluegrass band on the stage behind her struck up a fast tune. A hoedown started spinning up even as she descended from the grandstand. "So how'd I do?" she said to Grey Wolf, half joking.

The Captain of her guard answered her seriously. "Very good, actually," he said. "You spoke to them in their language and on their level, and you reassured them about two big points-- that you were still one of them, and that you weren't going to go turning their lives upside down. And you did it without being anything but yourself. I give it, mmmh, eight out of ten." He gave her a grin to let her know he was pulling her wing a little.

Lockheed the Gryphon gave her a wry look. "Might not go over so well when you meet the Fancy Pants in cities like Manehattan," he said.

Applejack shrugged. "Shoot, I know Fancy Pants," she said, unconcerned. "Nice feller, and a gentlepony right down to his hooves." Lockheed let his beak click shut, nonplussed.

Babs and Applebloom came running up. "Great speech, Applejack," Applebloom said, giving her sister a hug.

"Yeah, great speech, Cousin Applejack," Babs said.

"Can we go look around the fair?" Applebloom said.

"Don't see why not," Applejack said. She reached into her pannier and pulled out a sizeable bag of bits and tossed it to her sister and cousin. It tickled her pink to see their eyes go round when they saw how much was in it. "Now don't go expecting this EVERY time we go out someplace.." she started to say. But she broke down and chuckled as they shook their heads solemnly "no." "Go on, splurge a little," she said, giving them a wink. "An' don't stop till ya hit the bottom of the bag. Lockheed, would y'all mind keepin' an eye on them?" The gryphon snapped off a salute. "Go on, you two." The two fillies took off like a shot, their gryphon bodyguard in tow.

"So what's up next?" Applejack asked Cherry.

"Oh, the bake-off," Cherry Jubilee said. "And I do believe a certain Princess has been nominated as one of the judges."

Applejack grinned. She might be an Apple to the core, but a slice of cherry pie always went down smooth. "Lead the way!".

 

---

Applebloom and Babs were fit to be tied. They had more spending bits than they'd ever had in their lives, and it was burning a hole right through their panniers... but they couldn't make up their minds what to spend it on! For lack of options-- or more accurately for a surfeit of them-- they each bought a cherry ice cream cone and took to wandering the midway, looking at all the booths, Lockheed tagging along behind. There were cherry pies and pastries, cherry baskets, cherry preserves,  cherry seedlings and saplings, maraschino cherries, chocolate covered cherries, cherry tarts, crafts made from hoof-carved cherry wood, cherrychimichangas... as well as a plethora of tools for farming, tending, pruning and harvesting cherry trees.

"Gotta say, they got almost as many things for cherry farmin' as we got for apples," Applebloom noted.

"Well, duh, yeah," Babs said. "Trees are trees and fruit are fruit.... Is fruit? You know what I mean."

Applebloom nodded. "Huh, well that's different," she said, pointing. Up ahead was a rather sizable pavilion with several ponies working it. But unlike the other cherry themed booths and stands, this one seemed to be themed around... bees? Curious, the two fillies wandered over to check it out. It was indeed, a display on honey bees and their products. There were beehives of various makes, beeswax products, leaflets on apiary practices, and rows and rows of jars of honey, all neatly labeled with doily lids and glowing golden in the sun.

"What's this doin' in a cherry festival?" Babs wondered.

The mare behind the counter, A butter-yellow earth pony with a (what else?) honey colored mane and a honeycomb cutie mark, overheard them. "Well, young filly, bees are an important part of cherry growing," she said enthusiastically. "Without our bees, the cherry trees around here wouldn't get pollinated and we wouldn't get any cherries!"

"I was gonna say," Applebloom said. "At Sweet Apple Acres we gotta have a beekeeper come round every year with his hive when the apple blossoms come out. Couldn't have apples without 'em."

"Too right," said a voice behind them. The girls turned around; standing right next to them was a pony Applebloom recognized immediately. "Toffee!" she said, surprised. "What're you doing here?"

Indeed it was Fancy Toff, the upper crust colt she'd met at the Junior Gala... and humiliated herself in front of, she remembered suddenly, blushing. He looked considerably different; his light brown mane was tousled rather than carefully slicked back, and tucked under a pageboy hat. He'd traded his suit in for a scarf-- more of an ascot, really-- that contrasted nicely with his darker brown coat. "Hello again, Applebloom," he said. "Good to see you again. Though I hope you're feeling better than you did the last time we met."

"Um. yeah..." Applebloom muttered, blushing red as a tomato. "I'll be fine as long as nobody tries to feed me mud bugs again."

"And who's this?" Babs said.

"Oh, uh, Babs, this is Fancy Toff, from the Junior Gala," Applebloom said. "Toffee, my cousin Babs Seed." The two greeted each other. "So what're you doing here at a cherry festival, Toffee?"

"Actually, I'm here with the Apiary ponies." He waved to the beekeepers. "One of my father's businesses is in sweets and sweeteners--  sugar, syrup, sweet leaf, agave nectar, and of course honey. Well, after meeting you at the gala I got sort of curious about life out in the country, so I asked Father if I could come along with the beekeepers on their business tour, help out a bit, learn the jolly old family business, sort of thing." He shrugged. The girls made sounds of understanding. "So... would you like me to show you around a bit?" The girls looked at each other then nodded. Sure, why not?

Toffee escorted them through the minor maze of displays, chattering about each for a short while. He told them odds and ends about beekeeping, about how to handle a new swarm into a new hive, about the uses of beeswax and honey and royal jelly ("did you know that honey never spoils? And you can use it on a cut or burn...") and other interesting tidbits. After a bit they came around to a table with a huge display of pint jars, and a tray full of plain crackers. "Oh, this is my favorite part," Toffee said. "The samples." He picked up a tiny paper plate and laid out some crackers on it. "Which would you like to try? Clover? Apple blossom? Cherry blossom, of course..."

"Oh yes," the mare behind the counter agreed. "And the blossoms do make such a lovely honey..."

"There are different kinds of honey?" Babs said.

"Over three hundred kinds. Alfalfa, Avocado, Basswood, Blueberry, Clover, Eucalyptus, Fireblossom, Orange blossom..." She shrugged, dabbing a different type of honey on each cracker. "The flavor of honey is different depending on which flower the bees get their nectar."

Applebloom looked skeptical. "Does it really make a difference?"

"Oh a great deal of difference," she said. "Take a look at this." She turned around and pointed to a row of jars locked in a special display. "Now these here are for display only-- they're real honey, but you never ever want to eat them."

"Why not?"

"'Cause they're poison."  The girls gulped. The mare tapped a jar. "This? This is Oleander honey. A taste of it will kill you. This one is from rhododendrons. And this one is from azaleas. Any of these are deadly." The girls took note of the "poison" symbol etched on the side and nodded. "Now there are other honeys that won't kill you but you don't wanna eat them, either. This one here--" She pointed out another jar. "Is Poppy honey. It won't poison you but it can leave you feel like Discord stirred your brain with a stick. Make you see and hear things and more." The next jar was... oddly colored. None of them could put their hoof on exactly how. "This here, is Poison Joke honey. Nasty little magic plant in the Everfree that--"

"--We know about Poison Joke, ma'am," Applebloom said.

"You do?"

Applebloom snerked. "Leastwise my sister does. I had to help whip up the cure when she an' her friends got in a batch."

The apiary pony chuckled. "Well you know what that plant does, then," she said. "this stuff does the same thing... only lots faster. And it takes a lot more than a bubble bath to cure it. You have to take a dunk in the cure at least once a day for three, four days before it works its way out of your system. Otherwise you just relapse the next day."

"I'll be sure an' stay clear of it," Applebloom said.

"Well that said, why not try some of the much more pleasant kinds, here," Toffee said, handing both girls a plate. He offered Lockheed some, but the gryphon declined. The foals spent several minutes munching on crackers with dollops of honey and comparing the taste. There was even some discussion between Toffee and Applebloom about the possibility of Zap Apple honey. Of course the bees would have to move pretty fast, they agreed, but maybe?

Babs licked her lips. "Kinda makes me wonder how bees make the stuff," she said.

"I know they make it out of nectar, but that's about it," Applebloom admitted.

"Oh that's simple enough," the pony at the stand said. She pointed to a poster with a stylized bee decorating it. Toffee quickly scanned the poster-- and suddenly began frantically waving at the mare from behind the girls, emphatically indicating the need to stop talking. She didn't notice, but it was too late anyway. Squinting, Applebloom began to read out loud. "Huh. '

"Honey is made by the domestic honeybee. It is a thick, golden liquid produced using the nectar of flowering plants and is saved inside the beehive for eating during times of scarcity.

Nectar is extracted from flowers using a bee's long, tube-shaped tongue and stored in its extra stomach, or "crop." When a honeybee returns to the hive, it passes the nectar to another bee by..."

She squinted. "Re- regur..."

"Regurgitating," Toffee said fatalistically.

"'Regurgitating the liquid---' what's that mean?" Applebloom asked.

"Um..." Toffee said.

Lockheed cleared his throat. "It means, 'throwing up,' your Highness," he said faintly. Applebloom froze.

Toffee stepped between her and the poster. "Look, you really don't want to keep reading now..." Toffee pleaded. Applebloom pushed him aside and kept reading. She wouldn't have been able to say why; it was some uncontrollable impulse, like standing at the edge of a cliff and feeling the urge to leap off.

"Regurgitating the liquid into the other bee's mouth. This regurgitation process is repeated from one bee to the next, until the partially digested nectar is finally deposited into a honeycomb where it is allowed to thicken....."

Bab's plate hit the grass, and her hoof went to her mouth. "Y-you mean this stuff is...bug puke???"

Toffee looked a little distressed. "I... I wouldn't say that precisely, I mean--"

"Not just bug puke," Applebloom said. "Recycled bug puke..." her eyes were as round as saucers. "They fill up on nectar..."

"Shut up Applebloom..." Babs said.

"An' then they fly back to the hive..."

"Shut up, Applebloom..." Babs pleaded. She was looking ill. Even Lockheed, standing stoically at attention, was looking queasy.

"An' they find another bee... and they--" she swallowed mightily. "And then THAT bee goes off and finds another bee... and then that one finds another... all of 'em puking into each other's mm-mm--m-m-m---" Her stomach lurched. She slapped her hoof to her lips, her face turning bilious green. She spun in a circle, looking for a bucket or a trashcan or...

"Not on the display!" the mare in charge yelped.

Heroically, Toffee whipped off his pageboy hat and stuck it under Applebloom's chin. There followed a minute of horrendous retching noises as the farm filly proceeded to utterly destroy a fifty-bit hat in the most thorough way possible. When she was finally done, Toffee gingerly set his hat down away from himself and offered a napkin to the gasping filly. She looked at him with devastated eyes. "It's okay," he said feebly. "Never liked that hat anyway... heh..."

Applebloom did the only thing she could do. She turned and bolted from the pavilion, running like Tirek was on her tail. The honey mare behind the counter looked at the stunned colt and at the dust cloud left behind by the fleeing filly and sighed in a world-weary way. "The Birds and the Bees, young man. It ain't always pretty," she said.

 

The high society of Neigh Orleans was, no other word for it, simply fabulous. But of course, what else would it be? It was a rare, subtly balanced blend: the elegance of stately manors and the primeval heat of the bayou summer; courtly dancing to swinging jazz; fine dining served on elegant china that could set even Celestia's solar-powered palate to sizzling. Rarity took to it like a fish to water.

It was somewhat ironic, really, Rarity thought. Her life in humble-- well formerly humble Ponyville, and her long friendship with Applejack had prepared her for Neigh Orlean's quixotic blend of the genteel and the rustic. It amused her to think that 'unsophisticated' Applejack would be just as comfortable in Neigh Orleans high society as Rarity herself.

Their host, Southern Comfort, was a jovial if genteel stallion, a stout white unicorn pony with a greying sky-blue mustache and goatee and a charming accent that rolled back and forth casually like brandy in a snifter. He had been "Honored, deeply honored, Ma'am" to play host to the Princess of Generosity and her little sister Duchess Sweetiebelle, and had made a point of personally showing them about.   The carriage tour of the city had been entrancing, the courtly Southern Comfort had a story, legend or bit of folklore about nearly every building along the way. And this little lawn party was certainly charming in its own right. They had music, food, and even a bit of dancing-- all of it like the Neigh Orleans ponies themselves; big, bright, bold and a little brassy.

Thus far though, it had yielded little in the way of results for the alicorn hunt. Her own perfunctory scans had revealed no latents among the throng, young nor old, wealthy tycoons or servants. Her casting about for clues amidst the idle gossip weren't any more fruitful; no hints of unduly long-lived families or folk of unusual magical prowess worth mentioning, and the only ancient dowagers and matriarchs to be found were of sufficiently wrinkled status to justify their age.

She sighed a bit and nibbled at an hors d'oeuvre. At least the party was for a good cause; a fundraising for 'the local economically disadvantaged,' as their host put it. At least Sweetiebelle was having a good time. She'd been entranced with the music, and was absolutely pigging out on beignets.... of course the staff absolutely adored her and kept plying her with the sweet pastries whenever they saw her. One more trip to the buffet and the little unicorn was going to be 50% powdered sugar by body weight.

She noticed a slight commotion off to one side. Their host was off in an alcove with somepony; a mare from the town, it looked like. She seemed terribly agitated and was speaking urgently with him. Curious, Rarity trotted over. Southern Comfort saw her approach and gave her a polite half-bow. "Sorry to leave the festivities, your Highness," he said. "It seems I'm needed in my professional capacities." Southern Comfort, as it so happened, was a doctor, and one of some respectable reputation. This was obviously one of his patients. "Miss Cling Peach here, well her daughter's been ill, and it seems she's taken a turn for the worse..." his grave tone and the mother's distraught expression told Rarity all she needed to know about the severity of the situation.

Rarity nodded. "Of course... is there anything I could do?"

The offer was given without a second thought; such things had always been automatic for the alicorn of Generosity. Southern Comfort started to reply in the negative, but Peach's eyes lit up with hope. "Oh, please, your Highness--" she said.

Rarity realized with a dismaying jolt that Peach saw an alicorn princess offering to help. She probably expected Rarity to spin a medical miracle out of the air with her horn. She started to protest that she wasn't that sort of alicorn... but she couldn't do it. She couldn't take away that spark of hope in a mother's eyes. "I.... don't know what precisely I can do till I see her," she averred. "But I can at least try."

Cling Peach's eyes refused to dim. "That's... all I can ask, I suppose," she said. "But... even if you can't do anything..."

"Well, even so," Southern Comfort said, with a twinkle in his eye, "I'm sure havin' the prettiest new Princess in Equestria visit her bedside will do wonders for the filly's spirits."

Rarity couldn't help but chuckle at the old stallion's flattery. "Shall we depart then?"

Southern Comfort looked around. "Perhaps it's best if we slip out the back way, so as not to arouse unnecessary chatter," he said.

"Indeed," Rarity said. One of the things she'd found as a newly minted princess was that the simple act of leaving a room could leave one entangled in complicated farewells if one allowed it. "Jade Blossom?" She said over her shoulder.  The elegant bodyguard appeared at her elbow, making Southern Comfort jump in surprise.(1) "I'll be taking my leave in a moment... discreetly."

Jade nodded in understanding. She did not need to speak; It went without saying that she would have the covered carriage brought around back, or that she and the other ladies of the radiant guard would facilitate Rarity's departure by distracting the party guests with their graces and charm. Rarity's guardmares were trained at Celestia's own hoof; they were professionals at this sort of thing. Heck, they were the best.

"Are you leaving, Rarity?"  Rarity jumped a bit and turned around. Sweetiebelle did have the most unsettling ability to sneak up on a pony. She was standing behind her now, peering curiously at her older sister.

"Um, yes," Rarity said, lowering her voice. "Please do keep it quiet, dear, we want to slip out discreetly. "

Sweetiebelle nodded, sighing. "Princess stuff, huh?"

"Yes, one might say that."

"Well, I better come along and keep you out of trouble," Sweetiebelle said with an air of longsuffering. She took her shawl down from the coat rack in the hallway and threw it over her shoulders. "Where are we going?"

 

---

  

The royal carriage was soon clattering its way down the twilit streets of Neigh Orleans. Nopony paid them the slightest heed; the carriage, while sumptuously furnished inside, was on the outside indistinguishable from the mundane ones to be found rolling on any city street in Equestria. (The princesses, even the newest ones, weren't born yesterday.) The journey was far from quiet, though. Rarity's brief explanation for their sudden departure-- "we're going to see a very sick little filly--" had roused Sweetiebelle's inquisitive nature; she plied Southern Comfort with countless questions about the sick filly they were going to see. She inquired after the the filly's name (Sweet Peach), her age (slightly younger than Sweetie herself), and numerous other bits of trivia only interesting to a foal her age... and to a Princess who wanted to visit her. Rarity silently thanked Providence for Sweetiebelle's presence.

The carriage pulled up before a two-story house on the edge of the city. It was a far more humble abode, a cozy two-story more common among the working class of Neigh Orleans. They disembarked, and Cling Peach let them in. Her expression fretful, she led them to a bedroom up on the second story. The change in Southern Comfort's demeanor was intriguing. His gentle, genial air was gone, replaced with something firmer. He marched in, his black bag hovering in the air behind him, with a kindly smile on his face but the air of a stallion come to do battle with sickness itself.

The room was upstairs, at the end of a narrow flight of stairs and down the hall. It was dimly lit with a few glow-fly lanterns. An orange-on-peach stallion-- presumably the father-- sat watch by the bedside; even from the hallway Rarity could see the bags under his eyes. In the bed next to him was a tiny filly, sleeping restlessly. She was a unicorn filly with a pinkish peach coat and mane... or so Rarity guessed; it was hard to tell her exact coloring under the ghostly white glow covering her. Southern Comfort gave the worried father a few comforting words, then moved to the bedside, opening his bag.

Sweet Peach roused as he began taking her vitals, his instruments flitting around the bed. "Doctor Comfort?" she said.

"Yes, m'dear, it's me," Southern Comfort murmured. "Seems you're feeling a bit more peaked today, are you?" Sweet Peach nodded. "Well, we'll see if we can't find something to pep you up a bit, make you feel a bit more comfortable." Sweet Peach smiled and nodded again. "Have you been taking the medicines I left?" Sweet Peach stuck out her tongue and pulled a face, but nodded. Southern Comfort chuckled. "And you been eatin' your Mama's soup, like I said?"

"M'not hungry," Sweet Peach protested softly.

"Well you need to eat a little bit anyway," Southern Comfort chided. "You can't get better if you don't get some nourishment in your tummy, now can you?" He got a twinkle in his eye. "Tell you what; if you promise to eat up the next bowl of soup your mama brings up, I have a little surprise for you..."

Sweet Peach looked intrigued. "Okay...?" she said.

Southern Comfort looked over his shoulder. "Your Highness? Do come in, would you?"

Rarity fixed a smile on her face and stepped through the door into the light. The round-eyed expression of wonder that bloomed on the little filly's face, Rarity thought, was worth the trip across half a continent. "Hello, dear," she said. "I heard you were feeling under the weather and thought you might like a visit."

"Princess Rarity," Sweet Peach breathed.

"And Duchess Sweetiebelle," Rarity added. "Come on in, Sweetie."

Sweetiebelle tip-hoofed in and gave a shy wave. "H'lo," she said.

The sick little filly squeed with delight.

Rarity's visit certainly pepped up Sweet Peach, at the very least. The faintly glowing filly spent the next half-hour peppering the Princess of Generosity and her sister with questions and excited chatter while the doctor examined her. Eventually the excitement proved too much for her, and she dropped off into slumber almost the moment Southern Comfort's examination ended.

Rarity had done what little she could to contribute; after years of caring for Sweetiebelle, she'd learned quite a few cantrips for fighting colds, detecting fevers,  and treating sniffles, infections, allergies, rashes, and other foalhood ailments. But she was no healer. She could only make the empty gesture, waving her glowing horn over the little filly and hoping for some... some burst of alicorn inspiration. But in the end... nothing.

Once Sweet Peach drifted off, Rarity, Sweetie and Southern Comfort crept out, leaving the careworn parents to tuck their daughter in. They reconvened downstairs in the living room.

"So, what is she sick with?" Sweetie asked the genteel doctor.

The doctor's face wrenched a bit, his mustache screwing up on his face. "We aren't sure," he confessed. "We call it Foxfire Fever-- due to the glow, of course. There are about a dozen cases in the city; little Sweet Peach is the most severe. It isn't contagious, that much we know...magic scrying shows it's no germ or infection... but that's all we know. The patient simply grows weaker and sicker, with little appetite, little energy. Becomes bedridden and feverish.  A faint glow appears around the patient's body, almost like a swamp light, concentrating at the hooves, wingtips or horn. It gets brighter and brighter as the disease progresses. Sweet Peach's little horn almost looks like a birthday candle now..." He looked at Rarity. "I know it's presumptuous of me, your Highness... but is there any chance your magic--"

Rarity felt her lightened mood at the filly's joy turn to a cold lump. "I... I'm sorry, Southern Comfort," she said. "I've only been an alicorn for a few short weeks.... even if my gifts as the Alicorn of Generosity laid in those directions, I barely have any higher magical education..." the look of disappointment on his face broke her heart.

He gave the two an apologetic look. "The bayou is a strange place; every now and then some odd ailment pops out of the swamp-- It shouldn't surprise me you haven't heard the like before."

Rarity pursed her lips. "Actually, we've had a run-in with more than one odd ailment over the  years," she said with wry amusement. Poison Joke came to mind. "Thank goodness for Zecora-- and for Twilight, when... Of course," she said aloud.

Southern Comfort cocked an eyebrow. "Beg pardon?"

"My good Doctor, I may not be able to help you myself," Rarity said, "But darned if I don't know a passel of ponies who can. I have not yet begun to fight." She pulled out her compact and flipped it open. She cleared her throat and spoke into it. "Twilight Sparkle," she said.

The compact glowed. The good Doctor jumped when a feminine voice came out of it. "Hello Rarity," Twilight's reflection said. "What's up?"

"Something dreadfully important, Darling," Rarity said. "We need that big beautiful brain of yours. You might want to, ah, 'get on the horn' with the others-- especially Fluttershy--- and oh yes, the Princesses... and can you figure out some way to get to Zecora through these things?"

"I... think I can figure something out, yes," Twilight said.

"Well then do get on it, dear," Rarity said. "There's a little filly who needs our help!"

 

 

---

1)Jade Blossom had that effect on ponies. She was of Neighponese descent, with an ink-blue mane, golden coat and delicate angled features of her homeland. She seemed to take delight in playing up the 'exotic deadly she-ninja' stereotype to the hilt... almost as much as she loved opening her mouth and utterly destroying it with her Appleoosan accent.

Things had moved quickly. At Rarity's insistence they had moved the proceedings--- doctor, patient, family and all--- back to the Fabulosity and reconvened in the royal suite. A giddily hopeful Mr. and Mrs. Peach were even now tending to Sweet Peach, who was lying asleep in Rarity's own bed.

Once her guests were squared away, Rarity had fired up the full-length Magic Mirrors and gotten things started. She may have been no healer or scholar, but she was an absolute networking demon.  Within minutes, the Princesses of Equestria were online and their staff were hustling. Even Celestia, Luna, and a rather surprised Zecora (1) were in on the consultation with an amazed Southern Comfort. "I cannot thank your highnesses enough for this," he said for what had to be the fourth time.

"It's no problem, Doctor Comfort," Twilight said. She had gotten to work the moment Rarity had spread the word. She had multiple books open before her; others could be seen circling in the air behind her. "It's important to catch these sort of things before they spread."

"Even if'n they wasn't, we wouldn't wan't to leave a li'l filly in the lurch," Applejack said. A chorus of agreements answered that.

"Prin... Celestia, have you or Luna ever heard of such a disease as this?" Twilight said.

Celestia, in her own mirror, shook her head. "I've heard of many similar conditions, Twilight," she said. "But nothing quite like it. I have sent word to the royal physicians inquiring after it, but... it will be a bit of a search."

"Strewth, I must confess, I have never heard the like, either," a frowzy-headed Luna admitted. (It was still early in the morning, for her.)  A worried-looking Pinkie Pie was standing alongside her, bouncing in place.

"I know, neither have I, well I've heard of frost fever and dust lung and rock farmer's toe and parasprite itchies and I know fifteen home remedies for the chicken pox but I've never heard of anything like a glow-in-the-dark fever," she said. "And I've asked all the guardponies and the ship's crew and the serving staff and even the cabin colt..."

"Oh, good thinking, Pinkie Pie," Twilight said. "Everypony, be sure and pass word around with your staff.. even the chambermaids. We all have crew from all over Equestria, surely somepony has heard tell of it."

"Ah'll send word around my crew," Applejack said. "Ah probably got the widest selection o' guards on the planet. One o' them's bound to know something. Go on, one of y'all, git on the grapevine, double time..." the farmpony said to the guards standing behind her.

"What about you, Zecora?" Twilight said.

The zebra herbalist shook her head, her gaudy earrings jangled. "Of ailments I know not a few, and remedies for them I know too, but truth be told I do not know if they will be of any use to you." Her voice wavered and her reflection rippled; the reception from the inside of a cauldron wasn't exactly perfect. The others blinked. Had she just made a limerick? "This disease of a strange glow, its cause I do not know. To make amends, some invigorating brew I might recommend? Twill lend your patients vigor and strength, while we pursue the cure at length. "

Southern Comfort hemmed and hawed. "I'm... not so sure about using zebra potions," he said gruffly.

Applejack gave him a withering look. "You got a problem with zebras?" she said.

Southern Comfort looked flustered. "No no, of course not-- it's... just that... zebra potions and such aren't really properly tested---"

Applejack cocked an eyebrow and looked to say something else, but Twilight interrupted. "Zecora's medicines and potion work are first rate, Doctor Comfort," Twilight said mildly, forestalling anything more heated from Applejack. "I would trust her with my life. I have, in fact. If she offers you a remedy or treatment, you can trust it."

Southern Comfort sketched a bow to the mirrors, abashed. "My deepest apologies, Ma'am. I meant no insult." He pulled a quill and parchment from his doctor's bag. "Ah, you were saying, about an 'invigorating' potion?"

Zecora dipped her head in reply, accepting the apology with good grace, and began reciting one of her many recipes.

As providence would have it, no miracle cure was forthcoming. Hours passed; those on board the Fabulosity were forced to bed down for the night while others continued the search. The inquiries spread; more ponies were brought into the spreading web.

Throughout the whole, Sweetiebelle was an angel-- she took it upon herself to look after their littlest guest, talking with her and entertaining her when she was awake, fetching soup and juice and (with some embarrassment)  a bedpan when Sweet Peach needed it, doing her best to be a good nurse. No nursing cutie mark was forthcoming, alas, but she did a fair enough job.

It was early the next morning when the first lucky breakthrough happened. A few of Applejack's ragtag band of soldiers had, indeed, heard of Foxfire Fever, or at least something close enough to it. "They called it 'Ghost Candle Sickness'," Omari said. The zebra stallion stood next to Applejack and gave his report, his deep voice sending shivers down several of the mares' necks. "I heard of it while I was stationed out near Hollow Shades. I never saw a case myself, but the description matches."

"If the symptoms match true, we owe a debt to you," Zecora's ripply reflection said. "Did the villagers speak of the cure that we seek?"

Omari's ears flicked back nervously at the zebra shaman's voice. "No, Ma'am," he said. Very, very politely. Zecora chuckled but said nothing.

Three batponies, the Nightshade triplets, edged into frame on Applejack's other side. "Our mother told us stories of such a glowing disease, in our home in the Foal Mountains," the sister said. "There were several names for it..." Her ears laid back. "None of them... very encouraging. Ghost Candle, Grave Candle,  Hinkypunk bite..."

"Hinkypunk bite?" Southern Comfort said.

One of the batpony brothers spoke. "According to the story, naughty foals got the sickness when a Hinkypunk bit them. The glow was supposed to be... um... supposed to be the sick foal turning into a ghost." A brief chill passed around the room.

"What's a Hinkypunk?" Rainbow Dash chipped in.

The batpony rolled his eyes. "Nopony ever said... just that it lived down in wells and old cisterns. I always thought it was a story made up to keep foals from playing around places where they could fall into the water and drown."

"In wells or cisterns," Southern Comfort muttered. "Or swamps, one presumes."

"Just what I was thinking," Rarity said, unsettled. "Do you mean to say this could be some sort of-- of poisonous animal bite?"

"Or a magical one," Twilight chipped in. "Hinkypunk, that rings a bell. Let me get my Compendium of Magical Creatures..." a voluminous tome spun through the air and opened before her. "Hinkypunk, Hinkypunk, H-I-N-K... Ah!" Everyone leaned in towards the mirror. "Hinkypunk, also known as a Ghost Candle, Hob's Lamp or Jack o' Lantern. Small-category Sylph. It appears as a small glowing light. Usually seen in bogs, swamps, or abandoned wells. Often mistaken for Will o'Wisps, known for leading ponies astray... hm."

"But why would it be going about biting ponies?" Southern Comfort said.

"Maybe if it felt its home was being threatened," Fluttershy said. "The book says they live in wells and pools. If a pony went poking about in there, it would bite them to defend its home."

"Or for more malevolent reasons," Luna said ominously. "We recall a few variants of such unseelie things that delighted in poisoning and sickening the unsuspecting."

Rainbow Dash sat up. "Wait, I know this one!" she said.  "Hey Flutters! Remember that jump-rope poem everypony used to say when we were fillies?"

"Which one?" The butter yellow alicorn said.

"You know, it was sort of like ring-around-the-rosy," Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes at the girlishness of the memory. "How'd that dorky thing go...

" Starve a fever, feed a cold,

Tummy ache, bread mold,

Rosemary for aching wings,

Willow Bark for pains,

Ginger Beer for Stomach aches

Something... for... brains?

Something something Manticore sting,

Honey for a rainbow burn..."

 

"Oh yes," Fluttershy beamed, clapping her hooves.

"--Eye bright, see right---

And a pocket full of Silphium

For Jack o' Lanterns bite!"

Twilight made a pleased sound. "It sounds like a list of folk remedies!" she said. "That sort of thing is common in most juvenile folklore..."

"Yeah, that last verse never made any sense to me, even as a foal," Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her head. "I mean, who ever heard of getting bit by a pumpkin?"

The third batpony standing with Applejack chuckled. "We will have to take some time to tell you the folklore of our land," he said. "The vampire melons(2) should interest you." Dash blinked a double-take.

"Let me check my book of herbs..." Twilight said, whipping another book over to herself, right out of Spike's grasp.

"Silphium I have heard of indeed, a miracle plant for those in need," Zecora. "But alas for lot, seen it I have not."

"Wait, you said Silphium?" Princess Celestia said. "Oh dear..."

Heedless of the commentary, Twilight continued to flip through her tomes. "Silphium: Silphium (also known as silphion, laserwort, or laser) was a plant that was used in classical antiquity as a rich seasoning and as a medicine. It was the essential item of trade from the ancient North Zebrican city of Cyrene, and was so critical to the Cyrenian economy that most of their coins bore a picture of the plant." Haha, yes!" Twilight crowed. "Girls, we have it! 'This highly useful medicinal plant...." her face fell like a stone. "went extinct in the second century of the Celestial Era..."

There was a collective cry of dismay. "Yes, I recall that," Celestia interjected. "The plant was literally worth its weight in silver... but the demand was enormous, and it was incredibly difficult to cultivate-- we did try to save it, but even the best earth pony gardeners struggled with it... I'm sorry, my little ponies..."

"Why was it so in demand?" Rarity asked.

Celestia's cheeks turned a bit pink. "Because, among its many medicinal uses, it was also an aphrodisiac-- and, um, a method of birth control," she said.

"Oh. Um, was it ...effective?" Rarity couldn't help asking.

Celestia looked at her. "Enough that it was listed as an essential for a well-stocked spice rack," she said drolly. "And the plant is still associated with love and romance to this day... you know how a valentine heart is shaped?" She sketched on out in the air with her horn. "That was actually the shape of a Silphium seed pod."

"So are we saying that the only known cure for this ailment is a plant that has been extinct for over eight hundred years?" Southern Comfort scowled.

"Surely it can't have died out everywhere," Fluttershy protested.

"That may be, my little pony," Celestia said. "But if so, it's well hidden. Expeditions went out for nearly a century afterward, looking for any sign of it, with no luck."

"Well my little animal friends can go where no pony explorer could ever get," Fluttershy said firmly, getting to her feet. "I'm going to ask my birdie friends to start looking for it. Little valentine shaped pods, right Twilight?" Twilight nodded. "Good. I know they can find some." She trotted out of frame. "...I hope they can..." they heard her say faintly before the door closed behind her.

 

"Okay, hold up, backtrack a second," Rainbow Dash said.

"Vampire melons?"

"Melons, pumpkins, any type of gourd really," the batpony guard shrugged. "According to the legend, if you leave a ripe one on the vine under a full moon, it turns into a vampire. Bleeds from the stem, rolls around chasing ponies, thirsting for their blood..."

"Ewww. Ohmigosh is that real?" Spike said over Twilight's shoulder.

"Spike, it's just an old mare's tale," Twilight said patiently.

"Yeah, and so was Nightmare Moon," Spike pointed out. "No offence, Princess Luna."

"None taken."

"Look, that's not--"

"Hey, I'm with Spike, here," Rainbow Dash said. "I wanna know if this is legit. I mean I don't wanna be at a picnic someday, get a big old slice of juicy watermelon and get my face sucked off!"

"Don't look at me, Dash. I'm a mare who grows Zap Apples for a livin'..."

"Girls, could we please focus...?"

The group began quibbling over details. Rarity, for one, did not join in. Biting her lip, she silently withdrew, leaving Southern Comfort and the doctors standing around the mirrors debating alternatives with the scattered Princesses.

 

An hour or so later, Sweetiebelle found Rarity out on deck, looking out over the city. She sidled up quietly to her older sister. "Are you okay, Rarity?" she asked.

Rarity gave her a wan smile and nuzzled her. "As well as I can be, one supposes," she said. She heaved a sigh and turned her gaze back out over the city. "I'm just... at a loss for anything I can do."

"What do you mean?" Sweetiebelle squeaked. "You're a princess now! And an alicorn! You can do anything!"

"Hardly, dear," Rarity said with a hint of self-contempt. "Princesses can't do anything they want. We can only do so much. And alicorn?" Her laugh was a little bitter. "Alicorn of Generosity-- what does that even mean in this case?"

"I don't understand." Sweetiebelle's voice was soft and laced with concern.

"I don't suppose you would," Rarity sighed. "Think about it. Celestia is the alicorn of the Sun. Luna is the alicorn of the Moon. Applejack's magic lets her know truth from falsehood and honesty from deceit. Cadence's magic can make love fountain up wherever she goes. Twilight-- well, she's the very embodiment of magic itself! But what does it mean to be magically Generous?"

"Well, um," Sweetie tapped her hoof against her chin. "You're rich now.. you could... use your magic to give bits to the poor?"

Rarity chuckled. "I am and I'm not, Sweetie," she said. "Princesses have a lot of money and can spend it... but in the end it's from the treasury, from taxes and the like. It's somepony else's money. Everypony else's, actually. And it's not generosity to give away somepony else's money. Generosity is when you can give of yourself." Her smile disappeared into a frown. "And in this case... there's really nothing of myself that I can give.  I don't have any magic that can help, I don't have any wealth of my own, beyond a carefully measured allowance, I don't even have book knowledge or experience that is of any help here. What can I do for that poor sick little filly-- make her a new dress to wear in her sickbed?" Her voice cracked.

Sweetiebelle quietly burrowed into Rarity's side, comforting and seeking comfort. "You'll think of something," she whispered.

"I know I should," Rarity said. "That's what I've been doing; standing here trying to think of something. Anything." She stamped her hoof in frustration. "We have a diagnosis, we know what the cure is... all we need is the cure. But the cure has been extinct for almost a thousand years! Oooh, it's so frustrating!" She stamped again. "Somewhere out there is the cure-- somewhere! Little Sweet Peach needs it so badly, and if we could just find it... oh... oh my!"

Sweetiebelle looked up in surprise at Rarity's interjection. For some reason Rarity's horn was lit up and sputtering like a firecracker. "Oh my goodness! Sweetiebelle, fetch the guards!"

"Why?" Sweetiebelle yelped, stepping back out of reach of the sparks.

"Because I'm going to need their help right awaaaaaaaaaa---" and with that the elegant alicorn began sliding across the deck. She accelerated rapidly and, with a squawk, shot over the rail in a flail of wings and hooves.

"AAAAH! Pony overboard!" Sweetiebelle screamed, running to the rail and looking over. To her relief Rarity was not plummeting to her doom; Sweetie had forgotten she had wings. Of course, Rarity had been unprepared to be flipped over the rail by her own horn, so she got her wings got tangled in the trailing drape of her gown. The Alicorn of Generosity tumbled to the ground squawking and flapping like a chicken launched from a barn loft. She managed to hit the ground with all four hooves and began sliding down the street, dragged by her madly sparking horn. "Hang on, Rarity-- I'm coming!" Sweetiebelle shouted. She galloped back down the ship, looking for somepony to lower the ship and drop the gangplank.

 

---

1) She'd nearly been scared out of her stripes when Twilight Sparkle's face had appeared in the surface of her cauldron.

2)Yes, this is a real bit of folklore from eastern Europe.  

"Of course," Rarity growled. Skid, scrape, scuffle. "This is the rule the whole universe operates on, isn't it?" Skid, skitter, skid. "When in doubt, humiliate the fabulous one!"

The Princess of Generosity was in anything but a fine mood. Without warning, her alicorn magic had literally yanked her off the deck of her own airship and was even now dragging her headfirst down the (thankfully) broad avenue through the center of Neigh Orleans. Thank Providence that she hadn't plunged into the lake. As it was her flailing flight over the rail had left her a disheveled mess. She looked, she imagined, like someone had taken a Princess Pony doll and rammed her backwards into her own gown.

Despite her best efforts she was skidding on her hooves through the city at a distressing rate of speed; her silver hoofshoes looked absolutely smashing but they could never be said to be made for traction. The stares she was getting from the sidewalk cafes as she slid past were simply mortifying. "Good day, bonjour, Princess duties, just passing through, haha--"

She heard tiny hoofbeats behind her. Out of nowhere Sweetiebelle came running up alongside her. "Sweetiebelle! How did you get down from the ship so quickly?"

"Feather Fall spell," Sweetie said. She wasn't even panting; my goodness all that running around with Scootaloo was doing wonders for her.... "I asked Princess Twilight to teach it to me the minute I learned we were going on an airship. Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes, darling, it appears I'm reliving my cutie mark story," Rarity said, stumbling a bit as she jumped over a curb and resumed sliding. "Though I don't think I'm going to be finding any jewels at the end of this... eep!" she stumbled on a loose cobblestone, nearly losing her footing.

"Thought so. Hold on, Rarity!" Sweetiebelle ran on ahead. Rarity, with her head down from being dragged by her horn, couldn't see where she'd gone. There was a smash of breaking glass up ahead, somepony shouting angrily, Sweetie saying something, and then she was galloping alongside again. "Okay, great-- lift your right front hoof!"

Baffled, Rarity obeyed. Sweetie slapped something on the bottom of her raised foot, and ran around the other side. "Now left front!" The action was repeated. "Back left! Back right!" The little unicorn fell in alongside her again. "There, that oughta do it," she said in satisfaction. It was then that Rarity realized she was no longer skidding, but rather rolling. Quite smoothly too.

"Roller skates?" She yelped. "Wait, where did you get these??"

"I had to bust out a store window and grab them," Sweetie panted. "Don't worry, I threw in some money--"

"Sweetie!" Rarity said, scandalized.

"What, did you want to have your hooves dragged off?" Sweetie said scornfully.

"Fair enough darling but I hope you'll notice that I'm starting to accelerate!" She was; the frazzled fashionista, freed from fickle friction, was slowly beginning to pull away from the furiously galloping little filly.

"Don't worry, Rarity-- your pegasus guards went on ahead of you!"

"What are they doing?"

"Clearing a path," Sweetiebelle shouted. "Call it a hunch but I don't think you're going to be turning any corners---!"

Sweetiebelle fell away. Rarity was now going at a terrific clip, passing carriages both magical and non as if they were standing still. She was on a straightaway at the moment, but she recalled with a thrill of terror that Neigh Orleans was notorious for its impossibly crooked little streets, and oh heavens, the road ahead took a sharp right turn, she was going to plow right into that restaurant--

And there were two of the pegasus mares from her radiant guard, one kicking open the double doors and one-shotting the protesting maitre' d while the other ran inside. Rarity rolled through the front door, knees locked, and rocketed through the dining room and past several upturned tables-- "So terribly sorry everyone!"--- and here came the swinging doors to the kitchen, cutlery and poufy hats everywhere, aiee, the stoves! And there was the second guardmare catching her hoof and flipping her in a somersault right over the sous chef's head and out the back door, and she was barreling down a back alleyway and back out onto the street, oh Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Discord, ramping up a vendors cart, and a voice behind her shouting about cabbages as she landed back on the pavement, all sixteen little wheels whirring, and she was clear!

Let's see Scootaloo do that, the fashionista thought madly to herself. "Oh Maker, not road construction!" she shrieked. But there her guards were again--- two unicorn gents, sharp as if they'd stepped off the cover of EQ in their Rarity Exclusive suits and carefully groomed hair, teleporting in ahead of her and rapidly assembling something out of the boards and loose construction materials lying about, finishing the enormous ramp a split second before her rollerskated hooves hit the front edge. "Spread your wings, your Majesty!" One shouted as she hurtled past.

Feeling like a dunce, why hadn't she thought to take to the air in the first place? Rarity obeyed. Or tried to; her frazzled wings were still tangled in her drape. She soared off the end of the ramp with something less than the grace of an eagle, flapping madly. Despite everything she caught some air, but her frantically flapping wings were in no condition for flight. She only barely cleared the rooftop of the building beyond, her skates clattering on the shingles, and then she was plunking down on the road beyond....

Then she was crossing an open field. It looked to be a bowling lawn; several ponies were in the midst of playing, what was it called, bocce? They paused, mouths agape, as one of the crown Princesses rollerskated through the middle of their game, leaving skate-wheeled furrows in the carefully groomed grass. "Playing through," Rarity yodeled as she hurtled past.

For a brief second she dared to feel relief. She was apparently beyond the city limits now, and was no longer in danger of plowing headfirst into a brick wall or something equally unyielding. Perhaps the worst was behind her.

Then she looked ahead and remembered precisely what began where the city of Neigh Orleans ended.  "No. No! NOOOOOOO!!" she wailed, trying to side-brake with all four skates.

It was no use. She was dragged at full speed, kicking and screaming, straight into the muddy embrace of the Neigh Orleans swamp.

Mere moments later, Sweetiebelle and a good half dozen of the Radiant Guard galloped up to the edge of the swamp, panting and flecked with sweat. "Oh no!" Sweetiebelle wailed. The muddy wake of Rarity's passing still rolled. In the distance could be heard the echoes of screams, wails of dismay and some incredibly unladylike cursing as Princess Rarity was introduced to the flora and fauna and other charms of the bayou, up close and personal.

Marigold shook the sweat from her wings and turned to the others. "Anypony with wings, after her. Jade, get word back to the ship. Dapper Blue, get a swamp boat and a guide and follow after us. We have to get to her Highness before she runs into a gator or a cottonmouth nest or something even more unpleasant."

"Isn't she immortal?" Dapper Blue dared to say. "She's an alicorn, nothing much should be able to seriously hurt her--"

"I'm not worried about something happening to her as much as I am about her happening to somepony else.," Marigold said. "Didn't you read the reports on what happened when Princess Sparkle panicked at her school entrance exam as a filly? The way her Highness reacts to anything dirty, muddy, or slimy..."

"We may find ourselves giving a fascinating and culturally significant name to the crater she leaves behind," Dapper Blue finished, wincing. "Got it."

"Hang on, Rarity," Sweetiebelle shouted into the swamp unhappily. "We're coming to save you!"

 

---

Catching up was easier said than done. The Bayou was big, and deep, and roofed over with thousand-year-old treetops that turned the sunlight into a dim green memory. By boat, hoof or wing, delving into it was a slow process.

Or at least it was when one was not a magically propelled alicorn. Rarity was all but waterskiing through the swamp, muddy water ostrich-pluming behind her. She had no idea how she was managing to avoid all the gnarled trees and fallen logs blocking her way. Her runaway seeking spell was, at least, allowing her enough leeway to dodge over, under, and around any obstacles in her immediate path, before dragging her back on the hurtling course she'd taken.

It wasn't however, merciful enough to allow her to escape unscathed. Her royal dress was in muddy tatters. Her hoof-saving roller skates and the hoofshoes beneath them were long gone, as were her tiara, torc and one of her earrings. She was drenched, splattered with mud, festooned with moss, covered with pond scum... she wasn't merely filthy, she was layered. One could probably have deduced the course she took through the bayou by examining the strata of filth caked on her body. Her hooves had made regrettable impact several times with things that she didn't care to examine very closely, but which could only be classified as squishy, unlucky, and had gone "Squack!" when you stepped on them.

And she was absolutely, totally certain that she had swallowed a bug.

The terrain hadn't been entirely submerged, of course, alternating between muddy hillocks and semi-solid paths and pools of varying size and content (some of said content being alive.) She was plowing her sputtering way across the surface of yet another brackish pool when the spell entrapping her horn finally gave out. She sloshed to a halt in the dead center and sank to the bottom.

After a moment of frantic thrashing and splashing she discovered, to her semi-relief, that the water only came up to her withers. She stood up, her hooves sinking slightly into the horrible, horrible mud, spat out a frog she'd scooped up accidentally at the last pool, and began struggling not to spiral into hyperventilating hysterics. She couldn't lose it now. She couldn't. The spell had brought her to what she was looking for, she knew it. She parted her sodden, filthy mane with her hooves and looked around.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. None of the little heart-shaped plants that the pictures had shown in the books. Just some moss, a green layer of pond scum, and a few cattails. That and a lot of mud. "That's it?" Rarity screeched. "A muddy hole? A swamp puddle? That's what you brought me here for, you stupid spell?"

Then the alligator surfaced behind her.

Rarity spun around so quickly the gator never saw her move. One minute he was sliding through the water towards her, the next she was literally nose-to-nose with him. "Take your best shot, lizard," she hissed. Her voice echoed eerily and her eyes glowed in her mud-caked face with an absolutely unholy light. "I'll make a matching handbag and shoe set out of your still living skin and stitch your writhing soul to the lining."

The gator turned round, exited the pool(1) and proceeded to set a land-speed record for reptiles across the swamp.

"Coee," a childlike voice said. "I neber seen no caiman haul tail like dat, befo." Rarity yipped and turned about. A gangly unicorn filly was standing on the shore, staring at Rarity with wide-eyed wonder.  

It was only Rarity's already-stunned state that kept her from going into shock at the filly's. The child was maybe a year older than Sweetiebelle, and well into that gawky, gangly stage... gawky and gangly enough that she could have passed as a more feminine Snails, back in Ponyville.  She was muddy brown, and had an absolute thatch of a mane and tail that was as green as spanish moss. She had vivid green eyes as well, and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her hooves were chipped and muddy; her horn was dull and long overdue for a proper buffing, and not all the muddy brown of her coat was her own. She wore a faded, stained flour-sack dress that was at least two sizes too small; it left her haunches exposed clear up to her cutie mark-- which appeared to be a lizard or salamander of some sort-- and had two panniers made from woven baskets. She was gawky and rustic and full of knock-kneed charm and every inch of her appearance just screamed of casual neglect. She gave Rarity a gap-toothed grin.

Despite her own predicament there was a part of Rarity's spirit that was already running frantically back for a comb and curry brush and hooficure kit with which to pounce upon the child. "Um, hello dear," she said, trying to maintain her composure (what tiny glimmering spark was left of it, anyway.) "Who might you be?"

"Ah'm Mudpuppy," the filly said. "Who're you?"

Rarity cleared her throat. "I am Princess Rarity, Element of Generosity," she said grandly.

Mudpuppy squinted at her. "Psha. My Eye! Go t' bed, Lady," she said.

Rarity blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Mudpuppy rolled her eyes. "City, fo sho," she muttered. "Y'wan git outta the water, Lady? You skeered dat gator sho nuf, but I dunno ifn the water moccasins gonna be dat respectful." She giggled. She set down her panniers, scooted down the bank and held out her hoof.

"Oh, yes. Quite," Rarity waded to the edge of the pond, swamp water drizzling off her. "Cooee," Mudpuppy said, eyeing the ragged remains of Rarity's dress. "Maybe you no lyin' at me after all. That dress sure be quality-- least'n it was, I mean..."

"Thank you for noticing," Rarity said. "I promise you, I'm telling you the truth, dear." She took the proffered hoof. The unicorn filly was surprisingly strong; she pulled Rarity free from the muck with ease. Rarity staggered up onto dry, or at least solid ground, with a lurch. Mudpuppy overcompensated and staggered backwards, nearly tumbling off the other side of the grassy ridge into the marshwater on the other side. At the last second her wings flared from under her dress, flapping and catching her balance.

Rarity froze, stunned. Mudpuppy's eyes went wide. She hastily tucked her wings back in the slits down the sides of her dress, flushing, her ears laid back. "You din't see nuthin," she muttered.

Rarity tried to speak. "Mudpuppy... I..."

"You din't see nuthin," Mudpuppy repeated. Louder, this time. She gave Rarity a glare, half defiant, half pleading. Rarity closed her mouth,  thoughts buzzing. She nodded carefully.

"I saw nothing."

She watched as the filly, the alicorn filly,  turned away and levitated her grass-basket panniers back in place. Rarity hastily cast the detection spell while her back was turned. Yes, it was true.."Excuse me, dear. Is there some place around here I can clean up?" Rarity asked cautiously.

"My Mamere an' I live nearby," Mudpuppy said cheerfully, her upset seemingly forgotten. "We gots a tub you kin wash up in..."

"Well then, by all means lead the way," Rarity said with what she hoped was a winning smile. Mudpuppy gave her a gaptoothed grin and started striding her knock-kneed way through the swamp. Carefully keeping her teeming questions under her tongue and her own, still-unseen wings hidden under the remains of her dress, Rarity quietly followed.

 

 

---

1)After leaving it even less fit for drinking than he found it.

The trail to Mudpuppy's home was a long, meandering one. Rarity found herself trailing after the gangly little alicorn as they walked an almost invisible maze of raised hillocks and clumps of grass that wound through the bog. All around, the bayou retained its mysterious air. Insects buzzed and seethed, frogs croaked and other things unseen and barely guessed at made their vocalizations. The air was heavy and sticky, and the canopy high above kept the swamp below in a twilight as dark as anything in the Everfree. Rare beauty bloomed here and there; exotic flowers, here a vividly colored lizard, over there a gauzy winged dragonfly with a glittering sheen. From time to time Rarity saw odd lights in the distance-- ones that she would have been sure were lanterns or lights in windows; her little guide expressly ignored them, following her own  path.

It was a quick trot around yet another mass of exposed tree roots, and the house they sought came into view. It was a tin roofed shack, Maybe one or two rooms, to judge by its size, its front porch standing on wooden posts sunk into the bayou waters, its back end resting on a short rise of solid ground. Rarity could see wood smoke wafting up from the stovepipe jutting out of the roof, and a hefty stack of split firewood leaning against the back wall. It had the usual oddments around it of busy folk with much to do and little room to spare: washtub and washboard hanging from nails on the outside; yard tools leaning against porch railings.... Clothes hung limply from a wash line out back, not stirring in the sweltering heat. Glass bottles of every color dangled on strings from the porch rafters. Rarity could see still more bottles, gourds, and vials, stacked on shelves right up the insides of the windows.

as they drew closer, Rarity could make out a figure sitting on a rocking chair on the porch; it was a blue-green earth pony mare, easily as wizened as Granny Smith if not more so. She wore a mottled do-rag and a a moth-eaten apron, and was puffing away at a corncob pipe with a stem as long as her foreleg. She turned and looked in their direction; Rarity couldn't even make out her eyes in the mass of wrinkles. "Mudpuppy! Who dat witchoo, chile?" Pipe or no, her lungs were healthy enough.

"Fancy city lady, Mammaw!" Mudpuppy bellowed back. "She needs some help-- she done had a lil accy-dent!" The latter was followed with high filly laughter.

Rarity once again became painfully aware of her dishevelled, or perhaps devastated, condition. She was a sodden mass of tattered cloth, hair, swamp weeds and mud. Her dress was in rags and her wings were literally caked to her sides. "Oh yes," she said in a pleading tone. "Please tell me you have some place where I can at least try to amend this! The mud is starting to dry..."

Mammaw's eyes went so wide they actually made an appearance. "Sakes alive, chile! Did summon drag ye here by yer horn?"

"Something like that," Rarity said dully.

"Cain't leave ye like that," Mammaw said. "Gwan, chile, take 'er roun' back. Yew know where the washin' up stuff is at..."

"C'mon, lady!" Mudpuppy said. She tugged on Rarity's foreleg, urging. "We'll git yew cleaned up aw reet, I ga ron tee!"

A few minutes later Rarity found herself standing out back, standing underneath a makeshift shower head as  ice-cold water sluiced down over the mud-clotted mare's back. It took some time and even a bit of scraping, but the worst of the mud finally melted off, leaving Rarity standing there, drenched and bedraggled,  shivering so violently her teeth rattled. She was still barely recognizable as a pony, but at least she didn't look like a Maori MudMare.

Meanwhile, Mudpuppy had put her ruined clothes, what were left of them, in a tub of water to soak. Rarity was fairly sure there wasn't a thing left worth saving,  but Mudpuppy had insisted. The very thought of simply throwing away "so much pretty cloth" had appalled the filly. Then a larger pony-sized tub had been dragged out and filled with water, along with a bundle of brushes and washcloths. Once Rarity had removed the first layer, Mudpuppy had addressed her to the tub. "Gowann an' hop on in thar," Mudpuppy said. "I'll go git some of Mammaw's bath soap." She trotted into the shanty.

Rarity regarded the tub with apprehension. Despite the muggy heat, she was already shivering... and cold water would be dreadful for getting the rest of the mud out of her mane-- "oh you silly thing," she murmured to herself. Her horn flared, and soon the tub was heated. She stepped in and sank in with a sigh and a squeal; yes, perfect, almost tepid, but not so warm as to be uncomfortable in this heat. The water browned like she was steeping tea.

Mudpuppy returned, bearing a large glass bottle filled with a rather thick looking liquid. "Taint much," she said humbly as Rarity's magic plucked the bottle from her mouth. "Jest some ol' homemade soft soap an' whatnot..."

"Oh this will do fine, darling," Rarity said charitably. She popped the cork and sniffed at the bottle. She gave a squeal of delight. "Ooh, what a lovely herbal fragrance!"

"Mammaw likes to add herbs and what not," Mudpuppy shrugged dismissively.

"Well she has good taste," Rarity said, pouring a liberal dose of the soap straight into the bath. Rarity's horn glowed and the tub swirled into a luxurious froth. Rarity sighed and sank down into the scented foam. She regarded the cleaning implements Mudpuppy had and grimaced; a few quite literal wash rags, and some scrubbing brushes that looked like they'd had a long hard life at grim labor.

"Easy enough to fix," she said aloud. A quick flick of magic and the rags and worn brushes were a proper grooming and bathing kit; grooming brush, curry brush, hoof brush, loofah, terrycloth towel...  she levitated them in her magic and set to cleaning and grooming herself with a will. She noticed Mudpuppy staring in open-mouthed amazement. "Is something the matter, dear?"

Mudpuppy blinked. "I just ain't never seen nopony use fancy magic like that," she said.

"Surely there are unicorns living out here as well?" Rarity said as she shampooed vigorously.

Mudpuppy shook her head. "Not particular like," she said, looking away idly.

"Well what about your own magic? Hasn't anypony taught you?"

Mudpuppy's head hung lower. She actually looked guilty at the mention of her magic. "Not particular like," she mumbled.

Rarity was astonished. "You mean you haven't learned any magic at all?" she exclaimed.

"Oh, I kin do a few things, an' whatnot," Mudpuppy said. Her horn lit up, leaking a few sparks. "Just... not all fancy stuff, like a lady like you can. Not very much at all." She looked downcast. "Not much fer it. Mammaw says it's cause I'm a pegacorn."

"A what?" Rarity blinked.

Ducking her head, acting almost ashamed, Mudpuppy lifted the side of her dress and stuck her wing out from underneath. "A pegacorn," she said. Her voice was almost a whisper. She tucked her wing back under her dress. "I got borned all wrong-- nuther a pegasus nor a unicorn-- so my magic don't work right. Cain't barely do magic, cain't fly a-tall. Ain't sposed to let anypony know. Mammaw says it ain't my fault, but.. some folk wouldn't unnerstand."  The filly looked away. "I'll go see 'bout scrubbin' out yore clothin' a bit..." and she trotted off.

Rarity was baffled. She'd never heard of such a thing. Could she have been wrong...? She cast the Alicorn detection spell on Mudpuppy as she walked away. No, there it was, the positive resonance ringing clear as a silver bell. This girl was an alicorn, Rarity would bet her hooves on it. She'd bet her entire spring line on it! But the child thought she was some sort of cripple? Something fishy was going on, here. "Methinks her Mammaw and I need to have a word," Rarity muttered. She emerged from the tub,wrapping a towel around herself.

 

---

Elsewhere in the swamp, the search for the rocket-propelled princess was proving slow going. The initial trail was easy enough to follow; it was a beeline several miles straight into the bayou, following furrowed mud, broken branches, and lost accessories. But said trail stopped quite suddenly at the edge of a rather large patch of open water. By that point they had found Rarity's hoofshoes, jewelry, and approximately one third of her ball gown, and most distressingly, her vanity purse with her magic compact. "Without this," Marigold said unhappily, "She has no way to contact us." she dropped the dripping bag in the front of the swamp boat.

There was bubbling from below and a sea pony surfaced. "No sign of her below," he said, tossing the water from his mane. "She's not in the pond, at any rate. She most likely swam to the nearest shore and went looking for help."

"I'll tell the pegasi to fly the perimeter of the pond, look for signs," Jade Blossom said.

"Tell 'em to take care. I saw signs of kappas down there." He pointed an admonishing hoof. "Remember-- get them to spill the water out of the bowls on their heads and they're helpless. A kick to the chin will do it."

Jade Blossom nodded as the sea pony dove back down. She looked over at Sweetiebelle. The princess' little sister had been adamant about coming along, dangerous swamp or no dangerous swamp. "Don't worry," she said. "Princess Rarity is an Alicorn; there are few things foolish enough to take her on, and none that could be a real threat. She'll be fine."

Sweetiebelle gnawed her lip. "I'm not worried about that," she confessed. "But she's gonna need therapy after we scrape all the mud off her." She leaned over the gunwale and shouted into the distance. "Hang on Rarity, We're coming!!"

The search party continued its sweep. What none of them could have known, and if they had, couldn't have taken into account, was that an alicorn that did not wish to be found, could not be found-- and Rarity was in the company of a young, confused and troubled little alicorn who most emphatically did not want to be found....

Rarity minced her way into the ramshackle cabin, ragged towels wrapped around her barrel and her mane. She had a great number of questions on her mind; about Mudpuppy, in particular, her Mammaw, her family, her... peculiar situation out in this swamp...  all those questions disappeared from her mind in a wink when she got a look at the inside of Mammaw's shack.

Bottles. Bottles everywhere, every size, shape and color, filled with liquids of every tint. Bottles, tubes, boxes, little ceramic pots and crockery jars, jam jars, canning jars. Dried herbs of every type imaginable, potted herbs growing in every windowsill. She spotted the tools of the herbalist's trade as well, familiar to her from many visits to Zecora's hut over the years-- mortar and pestle, scales, pruning knives, measuring cups and droppers...

Her original mission in coming to the swamp bloomed in her memory. Hope suddenly surged. "Miss, um, Mammaw? Are you an--" before Rarity could say 'alchemist' the elderly pony materialized in front of her and jammed a spoonful of... something... into her mouth. Rarity glurked, gagged and swallowed. Whatever-it-was burned and fizzed all the way down.

"My pepper-up potion," the crone said. "Keep ye from gittin' the faiblesse from all dat swampwater."

"Emphasis on the pepper," Rarity wheezed, tears gushing from her eyes. She swore she could feel smoke puffing out of her ears.

"You city ponies kin be tetchy," Mammaw said. "Best t' be a scoshe pre-ventytive."

Rarity was busy struggling to acclimate to the fizzing liquid fire bubbling its way through her system. "So you're a potion maker?" she managed to choke out.

Mammaw nodded, a grin creasing her wrinkles. "Best in de bayou," she said, with pride. "You got an ail or an ill, ole Mammaw got de thing for it. I know every herb an' root in this swamp."

"Fabulous!" Rarity gasped in relief. "Please, Mammaw, you have to help me--"

"Thought we was," Mammaw said.

Rarity shook her head. "There's a reason I came to the swamp," she said. "There's a little filly in Neigh Orleans-- and a dozen others like her-- who is terribly ill. If I do not find a particular plant to treat her, she may very well die."

Mammaw immediately looked grave. "What ails de chile?"

"We believe she was bitten by a Hinkypunk," Rarity said. "Fever, weakness, lethargy, and a faint glow like foxfire, especially around her horn."

Mammaw grunted in recognition. "Grave Candle," she said. "Poor chile not know better den to chase de swamplight, eh?" She tsked, and turned to her shelves of bottles and began rifling through them. "I treated dat often enough. One herb to treat dat, sho nuff... oh psha!" she exclaimed suddenly. She pulled down an open jam jar and held it up in disgust. All that was in it was a single dried plant.

Rarity peered at it. Sure enough, she could see the heart-shaped pods. "Yes, that's it!" she exclaimed. "It... oh dear, that's all?"

"Eh, run out agin," Mammaw muttered. "Been a while since I sent out Mudpuppy for it." She saw Rarity's distraught expression and patted her on the shoulder with a hoof. "Oh now, don't fret none. We'll set ye up right fine. We jest need t' fetch more. Mudpuppy!" she screeched over one shoulder. The gangly filly came galloping in. Mammaw held out the jar to her. "Ah'm outta Heart an' Hoof agin. Go take Miss, ah, Rarity here an' bring back a passel."

"How much?"  Mudpuppy asked.

"As much as ye kin git," Mammaw said. "Two full baskets at least. G'wan, now. Time's a-wastin." Mudpuppy ran out the door. Mammaw looked over at Rarity. "Thar's a cotton sundress by the door," she said, pointing to a clothes chest. "Tain't no fancy paints, but it'll keep the skeeters off ye."

"Er, thank you," Rarity said, automatically moving over to the chest. She pulled the dress out with her magic. No fancy paints, indeed. Not ugly, really, just... uber-minimalist, she told herself. It was barely more than a tube of cotton, with holes for the head and forelegs. And none for wings. ... and neither Mudpuppy nor Mammaw had even made note of the fact Rarity had wings herself. She realized with a start that due to one thing or the other--- being covered with mud, buried in soapsuds, or cocooned in towels-- neither of her hostesses had seen her wings.

She decided to accept it... but not due to any "skeeters." Some niggling instinct was telling her to not reveal her wings just... quite... yet. Worldview-shattering revelations later; lifesaving medicine first. She slipped into the sun dress while Mammaw's back was turned. She spotted a pair of basket-panniers and threw them on as well, hiding her wings further. "Wait for me, Mudpuppy dear!" she called. Before she trotted out the door, she looked back at Mammaw. The ancient nag was already puttering about, gathering ingredients around a kettle and muttering to herself. "Mammaw... when we get back I would like to speak to you. About Mudpuppy."

Mammaw stood still for a moment. "Y' saw her wings, I reckon," she said quietly. Rarity didn't reply. "We'll talk, den. When y' git back. I spose dat we'll have a moment.... Not in front of de chile, please."

"Understood," Rarity said. She trotted out the door. She stepped out the door just in time for Mudpuppy to mash a straw hat down on her head. "Hmm, deja vu," Rarity muttered, looking up at the brim.

"Best wear dat, City Lady," Mudpuppy said with a cheerful grin. "De swamp birds, dey don' know you, and dey mebbe ain't so polite when dey fly over de heads of strangers."

"Fabulous," Rarity sighed.

 

---

It was another slow walk further into the twilit swamp. They seemed at least to be going slightly uphill and into drier or at least more solid territory, Rarity noted with some relief. A quarter hour or so, they reached a little glen carpeted in undergrowth. Mudpuppy nosed around through the undergrowth. "This'll do," she said after a moment.

Rarity peered where Mudpuppy was browsing. She saw one or two tiny plants, little more than seedlings. "That's not nearly enough," she protested. "Those little things are far too small for what we need..."

"Gi'mme a tick," Mudpuppy said. Rarity watched in puzzlement as the gangly filly planted her hooves in the loam and lowered her head. Mudpuppy closed her eyes and scrunched up her face, obviously concentrating. Rarity saw a dim glow around the filly's horn... and around her hooves?

There was a rustling all around them. All around them the undergrowth began to move. As Rarity watched, shoots began spiraling up out of the soil. She stood, slackjawed, as leaves unfurled and blossoms opened, months of growth unfolding before her eyes in mere minutes. Within moments the clearing was filled end-to-end with a crop of Silphium,; everywhere she looked, the waving fronds of a plant that had been vanished from the rest of Equestria for nearly a thousand years.

The other plants growing there had been stimulated as well. The few ankle-high ferns were now towering enormous fronds straight out of a primordial jungle. Blooms of myriad plants were everywhere, on vine and branch and stem. Even the foliage of the trees seemed thicker and more lush. Mudpuppy sighed and stretched, opening her eyes and looking at the fruits of her labor with satisfaction. Earth pony magic, Rarity thought. Earth pony magic, or I'm a codfish. "My word," she said faintly.

Mudpuppy looked bashful. "Sorry it took so long," she said. "I go any faster and it hurts de soil and de plants." She grumped in mild chagrin.  "My magic is so darn slow..."

"Slow, she says," Rarity muttered, staring down into an orchid bloom the size of her head. "My dear, you seriously need some self-esteem boosters."

"G'wan," Mudpuppy said, waving a hoof dismissively. But Rarity could tell by her blush she was pleased. "A fancy-educated unicorn could prolly do dis every day an' twice on Sundays."

"No," Rarity said sincerely. "No, they couldn't."

The two began filling their baskets.

 

---

When they returned to the shack, Mammaw took the plants and set to work. She sent Mudpuppy out to play and set to dividing the Silphium up, root, stem, leaves, and pods. Rarity stood by while she worked, ostensibly to lend a hoof, but she found herself spending far more time listening.

"Roundabout a dozen years ago," she said, her voice as soft as the croaking frogs outside, "us ponies out in the bayou had a wee bit of a bumper crop o' foals on de way. Roundabout a dozen young couples, glowin' happy roundbellied mares an' dey stallions proud enough to bust dey buttons." She chuckled. "Oh, it was a happy day. Course, one or two o dem young couples took to frettin', anxious like dey tend to be, worryin' dat everyting gonna be okay wit dey foals." She finished mincing the root and added it to the bubbling kettle. She stuck a long wooden spoon in, set to stirring.

"A few went nosin' around in de big city, chattin' up wit de doctors dere. No harm in that, I spose... did hurt my pride a wee bit, me bein' de midwife round dese parts. Eh." she shrugged and crushed a few of the heart shaped pods with a mortar and pestle, dripping the juice into the brew. Her wrinkled face crumpled into a scowl. "Word got around, tho, that we had a passel o' mothers to be. Some folk saw it as an opportunity to fill they pockets."

She stirred slowly. "Roundabout comes this slick no-account, Call hisself Pro-fessor Cotton Mouth. Unicorn, skinny rake of a stallion. Tell one and all he a doctor of advanced medicine from Canterlot." Mammaw snorted. "Anypony could look at dat dandy-up couillon and tell he was a shyster. But he had a big fancy swamp wagon an' a nice shiny suit an' hat, and my he could talk up a storm, couldn't he?

"He started sellin' 'medicine' to all de swamp folk. Had him a fancy potion, a 'Ma-ternal Vy-tality Elixir,' he called it. Gassed folks up real good. Told 'em it would make the pregnancy go smoov as silk, the mother and the foal both healthy as a herd of horses. The foals 'ud be smarter, stronger....the unicorn foals 'ud be as magical as Starswirl the Bearded and the pegasi 'ud be faster than Commander Hurricane, or so he said.  Oh there weren't no end to the miracles his potion would work." Her voice shook a little. "Some ponies were leery, but bout a dozen expectant mares, an' bout a couple dozen more lookin' to be, went for it. Bought him out of stock.

"I knowed summat was bad wrong wid dat muck when I looked at it. Nasty, green glowin' stuff. But he blowed smoke about how dat meant it was potent..." she stopped and shook her head. "Dey chucked it back, cupful every day like he tole dem. Dey get sick, he blame it on mornin' sickness. Dey get feverish, or faint, he say it show de medicine workin....But he was so slick, so quick wid dat water moccasin tongue... even I stopped questioning 'im. "

"Few month later, he pull chocks and leave. Tell everypony he gotta go back to de palace, on royal command..."

"One month after dat, de fust baby was..." Mammaw's chin crumpled. "... stillborn."

Rarity gasped faintly. "I hope you don' nevah see nuthin like dat, cher," Mammaw said. "Dat foal... she come out all wrong. Crumpled little horn,  a pair o' little wings, growin' out all crooked... like somepony tried to make a foal outta clay, couldn't make up dey mind, and threw it away befo' dey finish."

"Den de rest come, seem like one born eb'ry udda day, like a string o' firecrackers. All like that-- not one thing nor de udder..Bent or broken, blind, lame, or wuss. Couple live for a few days; one colt, he live for t'ree years, then summat wen' wrong wid his heart..." A tear rolled down one wrinkled cheek. "We gathered up dat no-account's poison an' destroyed it, but de wickedness was already done. Only two Cottonmouth babies survive. Little colt name o' Twig... 'es as stout as two sticks, But 'e got two bony little batpony wings growin' crooked outta his back---  no webbin' atween the fingers. An' my granddaughter, Mudpuppy."

She added a few drops of liquid from an amber bottle and finished stirring.  "Her momma died givin' birth," Mammaw said. "An' I thought her Pa gon' do the same. Dat, or he gon' run off to find dat Cotton Mouth an' kill him, den maybe kill himself..." she sighed wearily. "But he dint. 'E stay wid us. Two years later a Cragodile get 'im. I tink de only ting he die regrettin' was dat 'e din't find dat son of a snake an' make him pay." She set aside the spoon and banked the fire under the kettle, and left it to simmer.

"She been livin' wid me ever since den. It been hard on her. On little Twig, too. The other ponies... dey not so kind. Not mean or ought... but dey stand offen' away. I tink seein' her an Twig remind dem of de mistake dey made trustin' dat "Pro-fessor;" remind dem of what dey lost." She shrugged. "It's why she covers up dem wings. She don' want ponies to remember she's a.... cripple. It hurts too much."

Rarity's mind raced. No wonder that Mammaw thought her granddaughter was deformed. There was no way of course that this reprehensible Cotton Mouth's elixir had made an alicorn. It was probably the peril to her very life that had forced Mudpuppy to ascend while still in the womb. The poor thing had grown up thinking she was... defective. This was going to be the best news she'd ever given anyone. "Mammaw," Rarity said gently. "Mudpuppy isn't a cripple."

Mammaw snorted. "Gwan," she said scornfully. "Lemme guess, you mean she's 'Handy-capable.' "

Rarity rolled her eyes in amusement. "I mean what I said. She's not a cripple."

"G'wan witcha," Mammaw said irritably. "I ain't total blind. I kin see dat horn and dem wings on 'er. I kin see what she is-- poor half-an-half, neither fish nor fowl..."

"All three in one, actually," Rarity said calmly. "Earth Pony, Pegasus and Unicorn."

"G'wan. Ain't no pony like dat except--" Mammaw's eyes went so round they actually peeked out from between her facial creases.

Rarity chuckled. "Got it in one, Mammaw. She's an alicorn."

Mammaw froze for a moment. "OH PSHAW, G'WAN!" she said. "I'm an old fool, not a TOTAL one! You Big City unicorns got dat horn screwed on too tight!"

Chuckling, Rarity flicked her horn over her sides, using her magic to cut slits down the side of her dress. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not a unicorn, darling, or I might have been offended," Rarity said, smirking. She struck a pose and fanned her white wings out from her sides, flaring them to best effect.

You could have heard a pin drop. Mammaw stared, her jaw hanging slack. "Allow me to properly introduce myself, darling," Rarity said. "I am Princess Rarity, the Alicorn of Generosity. I am on a mission from the crown to find other alicorns like myself. And I know one of my own kind when I see her." she smiled. "Yes. Mudpuppy is an alicorn."

Mammaw stammered. "But... her wings. Her magic...?"

"She's still young," Rarity laughed. "I can scarcely fly myself, and I'm full grown. And as to her magic-- I saw her use it. She is extraordinarily strong. I suspect that what is holding her back is that she's never been properly taught... and she's trying to channel the three different kinds of magic the wrong way." She tapped her own horn. "Such as trying to push her Earth Pony magic out through her horn?"

"Mudpuppy isn't sick. She isn't deformed. She is a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy alicorn filly. And she has a wondrous future ahead of her."

The dam broke. Tears rolled out of the old pony's dimmed eyes; she staggered forward and caught Rarity in a shockingly fierce embrace. For a brief moment no words were said.

There was a hissing from the fireplace. Mammaw squawked and broke the embrace, scuttling over to the overboiling kettle. "Oh dear, is it spoiled?" Rarity said anxiously.

"Naw, naw," Mammaw said, snuffing the fire. "It be done, atchally." She stirred the potion. "Fetch that tray of bottles over yonder." The two of them worked in silence for the next few minutes, ladling the Silphium potion into glass bottles and corking them. But Mammaw's entire bearing had changed. She still fussed and puttered like an old mare, but there was a barely-smothered aura of joy around her as she worked.

"Shall we call in Mudpuppy and tell her now?" Rarity suggested, deftly corking the vials with her magic.

Mammaw's lower lip trembled, this time with joy. "In a minute," she said. "I... I need to let dis soak in."

Rarity smiled and corked another bottle. "It can wait a moment."

 

The astute reader may be wondering: in all this time taken with alicorn bathing, Silphium harvesting, potion brewing and exposition revealing--- where was the rescue party? What happened to the band of ponies who had set out to find their Princess who had been unceremoniously dragged off into the swamp? What was delaying them?

...At the moment, a rather large bipedal turtle with an unpleasant smile on its face.

The search party had, of course, split up into groups of three to five ponies so as to cover more ground (and water, and air) in the swamp. SweetieBelle, Southern Comfort (who had insisted on joining them), Dapper Blue (one of the stallions from Rarity's Radiant Guard, an impeccably dressed sky blue pony with a dark blue mane), Jade Blossom and Marigold had formed one party, and were as circumstances dictated the one group heading in closest to the correct direction when they had found their way blocked by a kappa.

Kappas are magical aquatic creatures with exceptionally unpleasant feeding practices. The one before them was a typical specimen, resembling a large, bipedal turtle with a long bobbly neck, a straggly-haired head with a bowl-shaped indentation in the top, and long, deceptively gangly, froglike limbs poking out of the four corners of his shell.  He was smirking confidently. He didn't care that the odds were five to one against. Even if all five had been earth ponies-- and a typical earth pony could uproot an oak tree with the right harnessing-- Kappas, so long as they had water from their home pool in the bowl on their heads, were stronger than a dozen earth ponies. He fully intended to grab them, one by one, and drag them down into his pool, and didn't expect to have a lick of trouble doing it. He gave the ponies a jagged-toothed smile and waited, webbed hands folded over the moss-stained sash around his waist. Here and there in the distance they could see hollowed-out heads poking above the water, watching.

The party had been boating deeper into the swamp when they had come to a series of small pools, separated from one another by a network of grassy ridges. They had run the boat aground and started across on hoof, when the kappa had surfaced from one of the pools and blocked their way. The ponies stood frozen. "Oh dear," Southern Comfort said quietly.

"Should we fight?" Marigold said, her wings fluttering.

Southern Comfort shook his head imperceptibly. "No, he's far stronger than he looks."

"Should we run for it?" Dapper Blue muttered cautiously. He looked back to where they had left the boat run aground.

Again Southern Comfort shook his head. "These buggers are way faster than they look. We wouldn't make ten steps. And if you think you can outrun a natural swimmer in a rowboat, you're welcome to try."

Jade Blossom smiled. "Don't worry, I know how to handle these things." She looked at Sweetiebelle, who had by misfortune been in the lead when the kappa surfaced and blocked the land bridge they had been crossing. "Sweetiebelle? He's looking at you---"

Sweetiebelle whimpered.

"Sweetiebelle, I need you to follow my lead. When I say to, I need you to bow to him."

"Bow to him?" Sweetiebelle asked.

"Yes. As deep as you can. Okay?  Everypony, follow Sweetiebelle's lead." Jade Blossom cleared her throat. "Presenting her royal Grace, Duchess Sweetiebelle, Sister of Princess Rarity, Alicorn of Generosity and co-ruler of Equestria..."

Sweetie took her cue. She bowed deeply at the foreleg, lowering her horn. Behind her the grownups did the same, as solemnly as they could manage.

The kappa's smirk turned to a scowl. Nevertheless, he folded his webbed hands before him and bowed deeply. The water in his bowled head spilled out, trickling down his face.

Jade Blossom did a little hop, smiling triumphantly. "Hah! That did it! He's weak as a kitten now! Now we--"

"HAIIIKEEEBA!" Sweetiebelle shrieked. She grabbed a nearby rock in her magic and brought it up in a sweeping arc. It caught the kappa right in the point of his lowered chin before rocketing into the sky. The blow was so fierce it snapped his head backward against the hump of his shell. Stunned, the kappa spun about and flopped backward off the land bridge. He landed back in the pool he'd emerged from with an enormous splash and promptly sank out of sight. Sweetiebelle jumped up and down, cheering. "Yeah! He went down like a PUNK!"

Jade Blossom grimaced and pulled the filly back to her. "That he did, Sweetie," she said unhappily. "Because all the water in his bowl spilled out." The water in the pool boiled, and the kappa surfaced. He looked mad. "Unfortunately he fell back in the water and now it's full again..."

Sweetiebelle stopped bouncing. "Oooops..."

"Exactly."

"He looks mad," somepony murmured.

"Yes, yes I'd say he's pretty mad..."

The kappa stood in water up to its waist, glaring at them. With slow, deliberate motions it reached into its sash, pulled out a ceramic pot lid, and clapped it firmly on its concave head. It then took a scrap of cloth and tied it firmly down.

"Now that's different."

"oh dear..."

At that precise moment Sweetiebelle's rock, which had rocketed skyward after clipping the kappa on the chin, reached the apex of its flight and came plummeting back down. With a loud CRACK it struck the kappa's head square in the center of the ceramic lid. Bits of pottery and pond-water went everywhere. For a moment the monster stood there, the stone wedged in the concave dent on top of its head. Then it's eyes crossed and with a rather goofy smile it slowly toppled over. This time, it did not resurface.

The ponies regarded the ripples where the monster had sunk. A few bubbles floated up and popped. "Well I do believe it would be a good idea to move along," Southern Comfort said. Some more or less unanimous agreement and the group began making their hasty way across the swamp again, hastily bowing to the ponds in every direction as they went. (1)

They were a healthy distance away from the ponds when to their alarm they heard a scream. "My word, some mare's in trouble!" Southern Comfort said.

"Omigosh, did they run into the kappas?" Sweetiebelle said, distressed.

"I think we aim to find out," Dapper Blue said, drawing a wicked-looking rapier from under his dress jacket. Concerns about unseen kappas were quickly forgotten. The adults readied their magic and their weapons(2) and raced in the direction of the sound.

What they found was a rather unsettling tableau. A pair of earth ponies, a yellow stallion with a scruffy brown mane and a greatly pregnant tan colored mare with a cream colored mane, were cornered in a flatbottom swamp boat by yet another kappa. The turtle-toad was holding onto the front of the boat with its long skinny arms, leering and making beckoning motions towards the stallion. The stallion, strangely enough, was holding a carving knife and some sort of vegetable.

"Don't!" the mare was beseeching him.

"It's the only way," the stallion said in reply. "He'll let you go if I do this. Please... just tell me what-- tell me what you were going to name the baby." Even from the shore, the rescue party ponies could see the haunting look in his eyes. The mare, weepy eyed, started to speak, when Southern Comfort interjected.

"I say, what all's goin' on hyar?"

Hope flashed in the two earth pony's eyes. "Oh thank the Maker," the stallion said.  "Please, y'gotta help us-- he's demandin' a toll, an' we only got two cucumbers!" He held up the vegetables in question.

This was greeted by everypony on shore with baffled expressions. All save two ponies, that is; Jade Blossom and Southern Comfort seemed to catch the gist of it. "But there are only two of you," Southern Comfort called back.

The mare on the boat groaned suddenly and clutched her belly. "...Three," she corrected painfully.

Southern Comfort swore. Sweetiebelle looked at Jade. "Cucumbers?" She said under her voice.

Jade lowered her voice so only the others nearby could hear. "Kappas have some ghastly appetites. But they love cucumbers more than anything. You can buy safe passage past them with a cucumber. And you can buy safety for a newborn foal by carving the foals name in the cucumber and tossing it in their pond." Another groan echoed across the water. " Jade's expression didn't change but her eyes slitted in anger. "This one probably sensed the mare was going into labor and decided to jump the gun. If he doesn't get a cucumber for each of them, he'll hold them hostage until it's born-- and then take whomever didn't get one."

Sweetiebelle gasped, her hoof to her mouth. "You mean he'll grab the baby and--" she looked sickened.

Jade nodded. "If I don't miss my guess, the father was about to give him one for the mother, and one for the baby... and sacrifice himself."

"We gotta help them!" Sweetiebelle said, starting to panic.

"As you command, your Grace," Dapper Blue said, steel in his voice. "You!" he shouted to the stallion on the boat. "Throw me the cucumber!" The stallion hesitated; it was easy to see what he was thinking; if he lost a cucumber then their situation would be even more dire-- "Trust me!" Dapper urged. Biting his lip fearfully, the stallion tossed the cucumber to him. The kappa followed it with greedy eyes, making a halfhearted motion as if tempted to try and snatch it out of the air. Dapper caught it deftly. He turned his back and began carving it with his dagger. Curious, Sweetiebelle leaned in to see what he was doing. She saw him quickly hollow out the center of the cucumber and stuff something shiny and red down inside. "Ma'am?" he shouted over his shoulder. "What's the baby's name going to be?"

There was a pause. "Jay," she said. "Just... Jay." Dapper Blue deftly carved the name in the cucumber's skin.  He turned around and held the cuke up, waving it like a dog treat. He whistled two or three times.

"Here boy! Want the cuke? Want the nummy nummy cucumber?"

Hostages forgotten, the kappa let the boat go and turned to face Dapper, licking his lips with a slimy tongue. "Well, here you go boy!" Dapper said, and lobbed the cucumber into the air.

The kappa stretched out its long skinny neck and snapped the cucumber out of the air in one bite. There was a loud vegetabley crunch and the cuke was gone. For several seconds the kappa stood there, smirking and licking its lips. Then its eyes bulged, its hands went to its throat and fire and steam began gushing from its mouth. It thrashed about, tongue flailing, its steamkettle howl rising on an ascending note.

Then its head exploded.

That was it. Just a loud, deafening report and its head was gone in a red mist. The headless body staggered for a step then toppled over into the water. All around, the chirping of unseen frogs and crickets(3) ceased; then resumed again, far fainter and subdued sounding.(4)"Good Lawd," Southern Comfort hastily used his magic to push the corpse out into the deep water, where several gators could be seen homing in on the unexpected snack. "You Royal boys doan' fool roun'. What WAS that?"

Dapper Blue reached into his jacket and pulled something out of the inside pocket. He held it out. It looked like a shiny red chili pepper, except that it was oddly wrinkled, so that it looked like it had a gnashing grimace and two bulging, angry eyes. "The Canterlot gardeners have been getting some... interesting results crossbreeding plants with Poison Joke pollen," he said coolly. "You should see what the zucchini does."

Sweetiebelle, to be certain, was shocked to her innocent little core. "You killed him," she breathed in horror.

Dapper Blue could see where this was going. He finished brushing off his lapels(5) and addressed the little duchess gently. "Indeed I did," he said. "I am a plainclothes guard, your Grace. I don't have any armor or shield or spear. I can't just batter a threat into submission. That's not what I'm for. I'm a Black Flag specialist. I'm trained to take out my targets hard, fast, and permanently, when necessary."

"And it was necessary? To kill him?" The question was sincere; a child yearning for clarity.

"It was going to eat a baby. What would you say, your Grace?" Dapper Blue answered calmly.

Sweetiebelle looked out over the waters to where the gators were tussling over their prize and shuddered. But her eyes were fierce. "Yeah," she said with finality. "Yeah. He was asking for it."

In the meanwhile the swamp boat had drifted to the shore. The group was moving to aid the couple on board. "And who might you two be?" Southern Comfort said. "And what are you doing out here with her in this condition?"

The stallion spoke up. "They call me Tater Salad," he said. "This here's mah wife, Pecan Praline--" he pronounced it 'PRAH-leen'-- "An' she's as sweet as her name, I ga-ron-tee." He smiled back at his wife, who despite her discomfort returned it. "An' her condition's wut brought us out here in de fust place. We was tryin' to git to de big 'ospital in de city, but--" he jerked his head in the direction of the gator buffet that used to be their kidnapper.

"I see," Southern Comfort said. "Well I've got bad news and good news." He indicated back the way his group had come. "There's all sorts of kappa pools between here and there. And I adjudge that even if there weren't---" the mare moaned again in pain--"Your wife is too far along to make it." Tater Salad spat over the side of the boat and gave a muffled oath. "The good news is I happen to be a doctor," Southern Comfort said. "If we can get someplace with a roof and clean water, I can deliver that foal for you."

The look of relief that spread across both their faces was marvelous to behold. "Thank the Maker," Tater Salad said.

"Is there any place near...?" Southern Comfort said

Tater Salad nodded. "Gumbo's Jetty," he said. "Few houses, Gumbo's boathouse and shack, not much else... but dey good folk, dey let us use a room dere.  De closest ting we got to a town, out here. "

"Then that is fortunate," Jade Blossom said. "We are searching the swamp for a lost pony. Do you think she might have gone there?"

Tater Salad hemmed and hawed. "Could be. Most everypony what go tru de swamp end up dere, evenchally."

Praline let out a much louder groan. "Ah doan mean to be a pest," she said in a somewhat aggrieved tone, "But y'all might want to hurry up an' git me thar!" The ponies present took the hint and piled aboard the boat. It was thankfully a good roomy craft, halfway to being a barge, almost. It was propelled by an enormous caged fan in back; once everypony was aboard Tater Salad and Dapper Blue took to the pedals, cranking the fan up to a dull roar. Soon they were skimming through the swamp at a fair clip, leaving a white wake behind them.

 

 

---

1)They scarcely needed to bother. The other kappas were laughing too hard.

2)Marigold wasn't the only pony to recieve one of Rarity's "custom" outfits.

3)Much of which was actually unseen kappas commenting to each other.

4)closest kappa-to-Equestrian translation would be "holy @#$%^@ did you see that...."

5)Magic stain-proofing, paid for out of his own salary, didn't keep bits of things from flecking him. We shan't speculate on bits of what, at this time.

Rarity and Mammaw had just bottled the last of the precious brew when a loud burring sound came from outside. Rarity raised her head, puzzled. It sounded rather like Pinkie Pie's old flying machine, she thought. Or like Sweetiebelle and her friends when they were tearing about town in that wagon--

"Mammaw!" Mudpuppy came galloping in. "Gator Pear and Twig are here!"

This breaking bit of news was somewhat diminished by the fact that the one pronouncing it was splattered clear up to her hocks in mud. Rarity let out a strangled squawk at the mess; Mammaw merely clicked her tongue and grabbed a washrag. "Chile, what I tell you bout trackin' mud in de house after playin' at mudpies?" she scolded, wiping Mudpuppy's legs down with the wet rag.

"But Mammaw, it's Gator Pear an' Twig, alla way here from Gumbo's Jetty," Mudpuppy insisted as she was lovingly mauled with soap and water. "Dey was sayin' dere be a bunch o' fancy city folk like her in a search party--" here she nodded at Rarity.

Comprehension illuminated Rarity's face. "Aha! That must be the others, looking for me," she said. "How fortuitous! We can go to this Jumbo Getty or wherever it is and--" she glanced down at Mudpuppy's tangled mane and let out an almighty shriek of horror. In a twinkling the frayed fashionista had her back pressed against the wall of the shack. She continued to squeal in horror, pointing a shaking hoof.

"Whaaa?" Mudpuppy said, baffled. "Oh, them," she said. "Them's just my li'l swamp friends. They won' hurt nuthin."Coiled up in her moss green mane were two or three swamp critters.There were two or three salamanders. A large bullfrog squatted on her head and at least two garishly colored tree frogs were dangling from her mane.

Mammaw gave Rarity a gimlet eye. The fussy mare had ascended a handy chair and was doing her best to balance on one hoof and curl up in a ball at the same time. "Ah doan' think that matters too much to her," she said to Mudpuppy. "Goan now, put yer li'l friends back outside."

Mudpuppy rolled her eyes and lowered her head, shaking it gently. The frogs and salamanders dismounted. Mudpuppy chirped and croaked at them, nodding toward the open door. The little herd of creepy crawlies chirped back and promptly hopped and slithered out the door. "They's gone now, Miss," she said to Rarity, a hint of contempt in her voice.

Rarity visibly relaxed. "Well now that's better," she said, lowering herself carefully to the floor. "No offense, dear, I'm sure your little friends are perfectly charming little creepy crawly bug eyed slimy---" she forcibly stopped herself and ventured a shaky smile. "Charming.... little... creatures." She shuddered in suppressed horror. "Now what was that you were saying about your visitors?"

"It's right important!" Mudpuppy said. "Pecan Praline's havin' her baby, right now!"

"Sakes alive, why din't y' say dat fust?" Mammaw exclaimed. She pulled out a ratty carpetbag from under her work counter and began dropping bottles and potions in it. "Go an' tell Gator Pear I'll be ready in a scoche." Mudpuppy galloped out the door. Mammaw watched her go. "Yonder goes her Highness, Princess Mudpuppy," she chuckled wistfully. "Cmon, yer Highness, ah got a foal to deliver, an' you got folks to reunite wid." She shuffled out the door with Rarity right behind.

This did work out to her advantage, Rarity thought. If she was right, her entourage was waiting for her at this "Gumbo's Jetty." And apparently it was the community center; it would be the perfect place to make one or two little royal announcements...

When they got outside, Rarity saw Mudpuppy prancing about with a dusky grey colt-- a batpony pegasus, clear enough to see; the dusky grey coat, cat-slit eyes and tufted ears were hard to mistake, even if the wings at his side were webless and shrunken. Rarity felt her heart break a little at the sight. Drawn up on shore was a wide, flatbottomed boat with a pedal-powered fan mounted on back; an avacado-green earth pony with a rather horrifying set of pronounced gap teeth was tending it. "Bonjour, Mammaw Catfish," he said, waving. "I sure am glad you're home."

"Where else would ah be?" Mammaw cackled. "Down in de Quarter, hootin' fer beads?"

Gator Pear roared with laughter. "C'mon, Mammaw, they's a momma-to-be waitin' for ye!" He motioned for everypony to climb aboard. Once the mares and foals had climbed in, he pushed the boat out into the water, hopped aboard, and began peddling for all he was worth. "Next stop, Gumbo's Jetty!"

 

---

They arrived at the Jetty shortly. It was a rather ramshackle looking U-shaped dock, jutting out into the bayou waters some hundred yards. Tin roof and tarpaper shacks were tacked on with abandon, some up on the dock, others on the piles below, so low their front doors were almost level with the water. At the center, sitting on the shoreline between the two arms of the dock was a large two-story structure that, to judge by the roughly lettered sign over its sagging front porch, was "Gumbo's Place." An eclectic mix of ponies was gathered on the docks and standing out in front of the building. Among them were several of Rarity's guards.

"Yes, yes, there they are!" Rarity said. She got to her feet and waved a lace kerchief(1) about. "Yoo Hoo, Jasmine, Marigold, Dapper Blue, here I am darlings!" They spotted her; there was a cheerful shout sent up and a concerted rush to the dock. They mobbed around her as she stepped off the dock, expressing their relief at her safe return and fussing over her in a manner she found immensely gratifying.

Even as Jade Blossom was giving her a breakdown of their own misadventures, Rarity was hit amidships by a hurtling white-and-pink missile. "RARITEEEE!" Sweetiebelle squealed as the two of them tumbled to the muddy ground. To the amusement of all gathered the unicorn filly spent the next few seconds alternating between hugging the stuffings out of her big sister and chattering at a hundred words a minute about all that had been happened, muddying the two of them thoroughly. For just this once, Rarity didn't mind.

The faint sound of a mare cursing quite fluently in Cajun wafted down from one of the upstairs windows in Gumbo's Place. "Oh dear, I think that's your cue, Mammaw," Rarity said.

The elderly mare chuckled and hefted her carpetbag as she shuffled up the dock to the inn. "Eh, I got a potion or two that'll make things a li'l easier on the poor filly," she said. "Hold on, chile, Mammaw's comin'."

As Mammaw hove out of sight, Rarity started organizing her little group. "First off, I need to find someplace to clean up. Again." She sighed and looked down at herself. "I want to look my best... well, as good as possible... I'm going to have a few announcements to make..."

"We'll get a room, your Highness," Marigold said.

"Just a second," Dapper Blue said. He pulled out a skyrocket and quickly launched it. It popped high overhead in a splash of blue sparkles in the shape of Rarity's cutie mark.  " "They'll all be here soon enough. That's the signal for 'Princess found,' " he explained.

Rarity chuckled. "Perhaps you need to send up two," she said reflectively. She glanced over at Mudpuppy and Twig. "Sweetiebelle, dear, would you do me a favor and look after Mudpuppy and her little friend while I freshen up? I think you three will get along famously."

"Sure, Rarity!" Sweetiebelle detached herself from her sister. She stepped over to Mudpuppy and Twig, who were looking rather intimidated at all the important looking people around them... and even moreso at the fussily-dressed-up filly in front of them now. "How do you do, I am Duchess Sweetiebelle," she said, curtsying like she'd been taught.

Mudpuppy eyed the overdressed little filly skeptically. "G'wan," she said.

"Nope, it's the truth," Sweetie said cheerfully. "So... what do you do for fun around here?"

Twig spoke up. "Catch bugs, chase lizards, make mudpies..." he shrugged.

"Sounds fun!" Sweetiebelle said. She shucked her dress and tossed it over a nearby dock post. "Where do we start?"

"Sweetie--!" Rarity scolded, picking up the discarded dress... but the three foals had already galloped off to find suitable jars for bug hunting. Rarity sighed and folded the little ball gown up as neatly as possible while her entourage chuckled. "Somepony please look after them," she said. "I don't want them getting into any trouble." Two of the guards bowed and trotted off after the intrepid bug-hunters.

Jade Blossom held out a rather battered-looking purse to Rarity. "We found a few of your possessions along the way, your Highness," she said. "I'm afraid not all of it, but..."

"Oh dear, well, that's better than I expected after that little ride," Rarity said. She took the purse and dug through it. "Ah well, some of my jewelry survived I see-- oh thank goodness!" She pulled out her compact; as Twilight had promised, not a scratch was on it. "Thank goodness you recovered this, I would have hated to try and replace it--" She popped open the compact and addressed the mirror inside. "Twilight! Twilight darling, I'm back!" She looked over her shoulder at her basket panniers full of Silphium potion. "And I have some simply wonderful news about the Silphium..."

 

---

It took some few hours for everything to get sorted out. Pecan Praline wasn't exactly going to pop out her baby on the spot, after all, and it took some time to call in all the scattered search party to Gumbo's Jetty.  Word went out, as well; all the bayou ponies passed word along the grapevine that something right important was going down at Gumbo's Jetty, and ponies started filtering in from every direction. By twilight the jetty was packed with swampboats, houseboats and ponies and the gathering was already shaping up to be a Cajun style shindig all on its own. Lamps were lit, light garlands went up, food, drink, and musical instruments came out and everypony started celebrating-- what, they didn't know, but they'd think of an excuse later.

Rarity was spending the time in her hastily-appointed room, fussing and grooming and, along the way, debriefing and being debriefed. "Kappas? How horrid! I thought the Princess-- ah, that is, Princess Celestia-- had wiped them out centuries ago!" she said from the shower.

It was something of an awkward situation; for some bureaucratic reason the Fabulosity had been unable to simply fly over the swamp and make its amenities available. Rarity was forced to having make do with the creature comforts of one of Gumbo's "guest suites." Which, were she to judge correctly, were lucky to have running water. As it was she had quite a wait while her staff had evacuated several stubborn bullfrogs from the tub--- and she didn't want to think about where they found the water moccassin.

She had finally, reluctantly, gotten in the cracked ceramic tub and did her best to shampoo under the anemic flow from the shower head. She made a point to get out as quickly as possible; the water was so hard she could taste the rust. She shuddered to imagine what it was doing to her roots... dripping, she towelled off and made her way back to the bedroom. "It's bizarre to find a nest of them out here in the bayou, to say the least."

Marigold nodded in response to her exclamation. "Indeed, your Highness. But there always seems to be some Dark Lord wannabee somewhere who brews up a clutch of eggs.... Kappas are just too useful as geased slaves, nasty eating habits or not."

"Slaves?" Rarity said. She made herself comfortable in the (now magically deloused, whether it needed it or not) queen sized bed, while she and her lady guards did their best to spruce up each other's makeup and hairdos to something tolerable.

Dewblossom nodded as she dabbed polish on Rarity's hoof. "If you pour rice wine into a kappa's bowl, it becomes your slave for life," she said. "Of course then you have to feed it..." everypony present shuddered.

How horrid," Rarity said.

"Ask me how an inugami is made sometime, your highness," Jade Blossom said. "There's a reason Dark Lords are called Dark."

"Most likely some fool out in the swamp decided a few turtle-demon slaves was just the thing, corrupted some turtle eggs, and then didn't check his kappa's nests too closely," Dapper Blue said from where he stood looking out the window at the darkening swamp. "Next thing you know, you got a colony of the things out in the bayou."

"Ugh. Let us talk of more pleasant things, for now," she said. "Any word on that young mare in labor?"

"Nothing yet," Jade Blossom said. "Which I suppose is a good thing at this point." She gnawed her lip worriedly.

"Well, she's in good hooves," Rarity reassured her. "Doctor Southern Comfort is highly respected and to judge by the expressions of relief on everypony's face when she arrived, so is Mammaw."

Almost in response, through the walls came an echoing groan of a pony in labor. "At least she stopped screaming and cursing," Dapper Blue said idly. "I suspect Mammaw has a few 'calming elixirs' in that bag of hers."

"She does. I sampled one or two on the way here," Rarity said. It was the only reason she hadn't left an alicorn-shaped hole in the ceiling when she'd found the water moccasin. She ignored the strange looks from the others. It was worth it; she hadn't felt this calm since high school when she'd gone grazing with a friend in that field of weeds with the five-lobed, spiky leaves.... should she mention how vivid all the colors were? No, she didn't think she should mention the colors.

"If I may ask, you said you had some announcements to make," Dapper Blue said, coughing into one hoof. "Is there some particular reason you're waiting?"

"Timing, dear, timing." Rarity smiled and gestured in the direction the last groan of labor came from. "Besides, darling, there's a young lady having her first foal here. It just wouldn't be right to steal her spotlight from her on her special day..!"

Just then, there was a resounding slap, followed by a high, wavering cry. As one, the mares all looked at each other and squealed with glee.

Then... another slap. And a second wavering cry joined the first...

The mares all gasped. "Oh... my... stars...!" Rarity said. "It couldn't be--!"

And then... a third. Stunned silence filled the room.

A minute later a knock came at the door. It was Southern Comfort, his sleeves rolled up and his collar undone. He was drying his hooves with a towel and looked immensely pleased. "Your Majesty, I felt you ought to be the first to know," he said. "Pecan Praline and Tater Salad are the proud parents of three, yes three healthy foals. Two fillies, one colt."

Thus it was that Southern Comfort was the first pony in history to witness a Princess of Equestria and her entourage begin bouncing up and down and shrieking with excitement.(2)

 

---

They all but piled into the new mother's room, nearly getting wedged in the door. They clapped eyes on the mother and fell reverently silent. Praline was lying in bed, looking exhausted and frazzled and with a smile like the morning sun, curled up around two precious little bundles. Tater Salad was slumped in a chair next to her, beaming, his face streaked with liquid pride, bottle-feeding the third.

Mammaw was sitting off to one side, her wrinkled face creased into a knowing smile.

Praline saw them clustered at the door and brushed her frazzled mane out of her eyes. "Y-your Majesty, hello," she said. "You'll have to excuse me if I don't get up and bow."

"Quite all right," Rarity whispered, giggling. "May we come in?"

"Of course, absolutely..." Rarity and her guards crept into the room. They cooed adoringly over the foals. The colt, curled up with his mother, was an earth pony. He was a dark green with a yellowish mane. Next to him was his sister, an earth pony filly with an orange coat and gold-and-orange mane. The last one, in her father's arms, was a sky blue filly with a dark blue mane; you could see tiny wings peeping out of the blanket wrapped around her.

Tater Salad cleared his throat. "Um, we never did catch y'all's names," he said to the guards.

"Oh. Ahem." Dapper Blue cleared his throat. "Dapper Blue, of the Radiant guard." He gestured to Jade and Marigold. "Jade Blossom and Marigold, of the same."

"Where is the Duchess?" Pecan Praline asked.

"The d-- oh, Sweetiebelle," Rarity said. "She's looking after... an important young filly for me."

Tater Salad wiped his eyes and looked at them. "The Duchess and these here guards saved our lives," he said. "Saved our foals' lives. So, with your permission..." He reached over and stroked the colt's head. "Bell Pepper. F'r the little Duchess Belle."

He moved his hoof to the dozing golden filly. "Gold Blossom, after you two ladies." Marigold and Jade Blossom swapped a gleeful look.

Tater Salad looked Dapper Blue in the eye, and shared a smile with his wife as he gently patted his pegasus daughter. "And for you especially, sir-- Say hello to Blue Jay. Our first born."

Surprised, Dapper dipped his head. "It's an honor, sir," he said.

Rarity beamed. "Oh, Sweetiebelle will be thrilled," she said. "--- If you like, may I be the one to make the announcement?" Pecan Praline most definitely liked. There was a bit of kerfluffle as the babies were carefully bundled up and handed to various ponies to hold. "Oh this is so darling," Rarity gushed, giving Bell Pepper a nose nuzzle. "Oh I'm going to love this shopping trip-- baby cribs, and baby bibs, and little baby booties--"

She caught a fleeting but familiar expression crossing the parents' faces. "Ma'am... your Highness... we do appreciate the thought, but there's no need to..." Pecan Praline said hesitantly.

Ah yes. Rarity knew that look from her own parents' faces. The 'too proud', 'we-don't-need-charity' look. "Oh, it's not that," Rarity said. "It's just that whenever a child is born someplace a Princess is staying, she's expected to do make a lavish gift to the baby and the family. It would look absolutely dreadful if I didn't do something. One of those old, venerable royal traditions, don't you know." She waved a hoof dismissively.

Tater Salad looked like he was chewing something and trying to decide if it was sour or sweet. "Well... I suppose... it bein' tradition and all..."

"Excellent, I'm glad that's settled!" Rarity chirped. Jade Blossom leaned in and murmured in her ear.

"Old, venerable royal tradition?" she said, corner of her mouth quirking in amusement.

"Of course, Darling; they have to start someplace, don't you know," Rarity said, arching an eyebrow. "Come along, everyone. Deuce, I wish I had my wardrobe... ah!" At that moment Gumbo's wife came in the door, carrying a stack of clean cotton sheets. Rarity snapped a couple of them up in her magic and handed it off to Jade Blossom. "Hold onto this for a moment, dear? Thank you. Now where's that purse, there are a FEW bits of jewelry in there... Marigold, please go fetch back my sister and Mudpuppy, please? It's time to make some royal proclamations, and I think she'll want to hear them..."

 

---

Marigold found Sweetiebelle, Mudpuppy and Twig down at the water's edge, mucking about. After some fussing and cleaning with wet naps(3), they were marched back to the Jetty, jars full of lightning bugs in hoof, to hear the royal announcements.

It was a mob when they arrived. Every pony in the Bayou had to be gathered at Gumbo's Place; the jetty was lit up like a carnival and music was in the air. The foals and their guards squeezed their way up to the front of the crowd-- clearing a path by way of a few pokes with a spear point-- just as Rarity stepped out on the front patio of the ramshackle building. She was flanked  by Dapper Blue, Marigold, Jade Blossom, and Tater Salad. Rarity, Marigold and Jade were all carrying a tiny bundle in the crook of their front leg.

Sweetiebelle was puzzled. Rarity was all clean and neat, sure... but she was still wearing that plain white dress she'd borrowed from somewhere that covered her wings. Why hadn't she got fancied up again?

Rarity cleared her throat and cast a quick voice enhancing spell. "Attention everypony!" Her amplified voice rang out over the waters. The music tapered off, and everyone fell silent. "It is my great pleasure to introduce to you the three newest members of your little community. Allow me to present Tater Salad's and Pecan Praline's foals--- Bell Pepper," She held up the first bundle so everypony could see. Cheers and applause greeted the new foal.

Jade Blossom stepped forward and held up a golden-haired filly. "...Gold Blossom...." Rarity continued. The cheers doubled.

Then Marigold stepped up and showed them a sky blue filly with tiny wings. "...And Blue Jay!" Rarity finished. Whoops and cheers went up and more than one hat was tossed in the air. The applause was thunderous. The fillies were rapidly whisked away, to be returned to their mother-- hopefully before the sound-silencing spell around them wore off and they were woken up by the noise. Mudpuppy and Sweetiebelle were dancing with glee and even Twig was cheering. Three foals. THREE!

Before the crowds could get carried away, Rarity spoke up again. "This is not the only extraordinary event to occur here tonight," she said. The crowd, curious, fell silent. "As we all know, some few years or so past a tragedy befell your community. A charlatan passed through your village, selling a poisonous elixir to the expectant mothers here... with tragic results." Mutters of remembered anger rose; here and there a tear was shed in memory. More than one sympathetic glance was thrown Mudpuppy's and Twig's direction, to their obvious discomfort.

"What was missed was that in the middle of this tragedy, a miracle had occurred," Rarity went on. "Under other circumstances, it would have been obvious. But surrounded by heartbreak it was thought to be more of the same. An understandable mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. One which we now rectify." She looked down at Mudpuppy. "Mudpuppy, darling... please come up here."

Mudpuppy blinked and hesitated, confused. "G'wan," Twig whispered impatiently. "Don't keep the fancy lady waiting." He pushed his friend up towards the stage. Stumbling awkwardly, Mudpuppy mounted the steps and stood beside Rarity, rubbing one foreleg with the other nervously. Rarity pressed her side against her, encouraging.

"Of all the types of pony in the world, there is one that is the rarest," Rarity said. "One that carries the attributes of all three tribes; Unicorn, Pegasus, Earth pony. Of ponies, one in a million-- one in a billion!-- is born with this heritage, fully formed." Skeptical mutterings rose. "I see you know whereof I speak. And no, it is no mistake. What you mistook for a deformity was in fact just such a heritage."

"Look, lady," a voice in the crowd said, not unkindly. "We know what it looks like..."

"And I am telling you that it is precisely that," Rarity said firmly.

"G'wan, lady, how would you know?" somepony else said. A few ponies laughed.

Rarity's horn flared, and her eyes glowed white. "Because we know our own," she said, her voice echoing over the crowd. A breeze kicked up, ruffling manes and blowing hats away. One of the linen sheets carried by Jade Blossom was snapped up and began swirling around Rarity in a whirlwind of magic. There was a flash of blue-white light. When it cleared, Rarity stood before them transformed. Her hair was done up in a glorious mane-style, pinned in place with golden combs and bedecked with her tiara. the necklace that had once held her Element adorned her collarbone. Her cotton-sack dress had been replaced with a gracefully draped white toga(4) that spilled back over her spread, swanlike wings.

There was an epic silence. "Well shut mah mouth," someone out in the crowd said.

"I am Princess Rarity Belle, CoRegent of Equestria and Alicorn of Generosity," Rarity said in a voice that brooked no argument. "With my magic I sensed one of my own kindred out here in the swamp, and came to find her. And find her I have." She looked over at a slack-jawed Mudpuppy. "That's right, dear," she said with a smile.

Mudpuppy found her voice. "But.. but I'm not a..."

"You are," Rarity insisted gently. She raised her voice enough to be overheard by the crowd. "You are not crippled. You are not deformed. It wasn't Cotton Mouth's elixir that did this to you. In fact, I suspect that the only reason you survived is because of what you are. You are an alicorn--" she fanned her wings gently. "Just like me."

Mudpuppy was speechless.

Down in the crowd, Sweetiebelle was hopping with glee, too excited to even squeak. It was just like a fairy tale! Twig's eyes were as round as saucers. "No way," he breathed.

"Yes way!" Sweetiebelle giggled next to him.

Rarity fanned her wings out and lit up her horn. Magic swirled around Mudpuppy. She felt her hooves lift off the ground. There was an enormous flash of light.

When she reappeared, the transformation was astonishing. Her moss-green mane and tail had been groomed to silken tresses; her mud brown coat glowed with a warm terra cotta sheen. She was dressed in a toga(5) as well-- one much simpler than Princess Rarity's, of course, but still gleaming white -- and a tiny tiara sparkled on her head.

"Ponies of the Neigh Orleans Bayou," Rarity said. "May I be the first to present to you: Her Highness, Princess Necturus of Equestria!"

The silence that followed was thunderous....

The whoop that went up after it rattled the windows.

 

---

1)about the only part of her original outfit that hadn't been destroyed by her ride through the swamp.

2)And we shan't say whether Dapper Blue did the same, but if one of those shrieks was a little more manly than the others, who could blame him?

3)When the guards found out they were going to have a filly onboard, wet naps became standard supplies for all of them.

4)An Ionic Chiton, actually.

5)A Doric Chiton, in this case.

Princess Rarity had more announcements to give, but Mudpuppy didn't hear them. She left the porch, so stunned she was barely able to feel her own hooves on the ground.  The moment she was off the boards and out of the literal limelight, her hooves started running.

When they finally stopped, the lights and sounds of the celebration were a distant patch of light round the bend and she was fetlocks deep in the bayou clay.She was in a little nest by the shore, a clear area surrounded by high cattails and overshadowed by a weeping willow... her and Twig's old hidey-hole, from when she'd been a tiny filly. She hadn't even known she was going there. She sat on the muddy bank, dirtying up her pretty new dress..... but her head was too a-whirl to care. She sat on the shore as sympathetic frogs and turtles and salamanders gathered round and stared in the green, lily pad strewn waters while her heart and her head raced in circles.

Only her and Twig knew about this little place. It was kind of disgruntling when she was up and found a hoof-full of minutes later. One of those fancy fellers that was following Princess Rarity around came high-stepping down between the reeds to where she was. In his shadow was Twig, of course. The cheeky colt sat in the mud next to her and grinned artlessly. Mudpuppy gave him a glare. "y'all never did know when to leave well enuff alone," she grumbled.

"It's hardly his fault, your Highness," the fancy pony said, high stepping down to where she sat. "We could hardly let the newest Princess of Equestria wander off unattended, could we?" He flicked his horn and a soft carpet of grass sprang up, covering the mud; he delicately lay down on top of it, not getting a spot of mud on his fine suit. "I suppose this comes as something of a shock."

Mudpuppy only nodded, looking down at the water, idly petting a turtle that had crawled up between her forehooves. "I'm.... I'm scared," she said.

Twig snorted in disbelief. "Scared? Wut fer? Yew just had a fairy tale come true! You became a PRINCESS! 'Slike every filly's dream come true!" He sat down and waved his forehooves. "I mean-- a PRINCESS!"

She turned and stuck her face in his, her worried eyes inches from his own. "And what happens now, Twig?? None o' them fairy tales tells you that! Do I gotta wear frilly clothes an' live in a castle? Am I goanna hafta marry some grody ole prince, an' bow an' scrape and..." she swallowed tearfully and looked down. "Am Ah goanna have to leave th' Bayou....and Mammaw?"

Dapper Blue considered. Honesty seemed the best policy. "For a while, at least," he confessed. "Princess Rarity wants... needs you to stay with her, at least for the foreseeable future. There are many things you have to learn about being an Alicorn; things that Mammaw Catfish can't teach you. And there is a..." he paused. "A great and important project. One that will need all the Alicorns in the world working together to happen." He smiled. "But you will be coming back to the Bayou. I promise."

"Promise?" Mudpuppy sniffled, wiping her nose on her foreleg.

Dapper Blue winced and produced a silk kerchief to wipe the filly's nose-- and leg. "Promise," he said solemnly. "After all, you're a Princess. From what I've seen Princesses get to do whatever they like.... once they learn the ropes, that is."

Mudpuppy giggled a little. "But what about Mammaw?" she said, suddenly fretting. "She'll be all alone if'n I leave."

"I think Princess Rarity is making some arrangements about that," Dapper Blue said with a smile. "Princess Rarity may seem flighty, but she's very, very thorough and covering all the little details."

"Anyway," Twig said, rolling his eyes. "We kin fuss about all that stuff later. Right now yo're missing a beaucoup party. An' de Princess airboat here too-- I d'wanna miss dat!" He tugged on her foreleg. "C'mon, nao, doan be no capo!"

"Ah ain't no capo!" Mudpuppy protested. "Ai just d'wanna git up dar an havin' to make all sort o speechifyin' at ponies an' what not."

"Capo," Twig said decisively.

Mudpuppy shot him a scowl that would have curdled lamp oil. "I kint help if it all dem ponies starin' at me make my stomach shake like a bowl fulla bouille!"

Dapper Blue chuckled. "Don't worry, you don't have to do any 'speechifying' just yet," he said. "But they are missing you at your own party."

"'S Bell Pepper, Blue Jay an' Golden Blossom's birthday, should be their party, nawt mine," Mudpuppy grumbled.

"Well then come back an' say happy birt-day to em," Twig protested. "C'mon, quit makin' a bahbin and come back. Apple Dowdy is makin' funnel cakes!"

Mudpuppy grumbled but relented and got to her hooves.

"And besides, there's someone on the airship you'll want to meet," Dapper Blue said, discreetly magicking the mud off the hem of her dress. "A young filly from the city. You may have very well saved her life."

Mudpuppy's head whipped around. She gaped at him. "What? Aw, go to bed!"

 

---

Sweet Peach was drifting; half in, half out of a dream. She felt like she was floating on clouds, but not cool rainy ones--- hot, dry ones, made out of cotton and wool, stifling and hot.

She didn't open her eyes, barely stirred when somepony pressed a bottle to her lips. Something cool and bubbly trickled into her mouth and down her throat. The drink was sweet, with a bitter aftertaste, but she hardly cared; it cooled her mouth and throat so nice. The coolth spread down her throat, into her belly and all through her hot, tired body. The stifling cotton clouds went away and she was drifting on billows of cool spray...

Bit by bit, she slowly became more awake. She felt tired, tired like she'd not slept in a week and weak as a kitten. And she was lying somewhere very, very soft, with soft fluffy somethings, pillows, behind her head and a comforter like pegasus down up under her chin. Cool washcloths were resting on her forehead, wrapped around the base of her horn. Where was she?

Slowly she opened up her eyes. She was in bed, that much she knew, but whose? She'd never seen such a large, soft fluffy bed before, much less slept in one. Four poster, too. There were ponies standing around the bed. She focused her blurry eyes; she recognized Doctor Comfort right away... then her eyes focused on the pony next to her. It was an earth-brown freckled filly with moss-green hair, sparkling green eyes and a gaptoothed smile. There was a sleepy looking rainbow-colored newt draped over her ear. She was wearing a pretty white dress with her wings peeping out, and a little tiara sparkled on her head, right behind her horn....

In an instant Sweet Peach went from sleepy eyed to round-eyed awake. She sucked in a breath like a vacuum cleaner. "A Princess????" she squeaked, her voice rasping.

"More than one, darling."

Sweet Peach turned her head; there stood Mama and Papa and Princess Rarity... a few more memories from the past few days tumbled into her brain. "Oh, yeah..." Sweet Peach said, rubbing her eyes. It was probably rude, she worried, but Princess Rarity was still smiling. So were Mama and Papa, but why were they crying too? She jerked her head back toward the mossy-haired pony. "But who are you?" she asked, confused.

A familiar head of curly pastel locks appeared over the edge of the bed. "This is Princess Necturus!" Sweetiebelle piped up. "She made the medicine that made you better!"

"Well, not exactly herself," Princess Rarity amended. "But it's thanks to her that we found the plant it's made from. You and all the others are going to be just fine." The moment Sweet Peach had shown signs of improvement, Pegasus couriers had raced the bottles of the precious brew to the city hospital and to every sick pony on the list.

"Done chased a hinkypunk, dintcha," Princess Necturus said knowingly in a soft swamp drawl. "Oughter know better'n that. They're mean lil buggers."

"I thought it was a firefly," Sweet Peach said meekly. "Was that what made me sick?? It was just a little bug bite. I barely even felt it!"

"Well you know better now," Doctor Comfort chuckled. Sweet Peach wasn't paying much attention; she was too busy staring wide-eyed at her savior.

"Are you a new princess?"

Princess Necturus... Mudpuppy... blushed. "Seems so," she said, fluttering her wings shyly.

Sweet Peach thought this over. "My," she said finally. "What they can't do these days..."

Doctor Comfort nearly choked.

Sweetiebelle couldn't contain herself anymore. She hopped up and threw her hooves around Mudpuppy's neck. "Oh, we are going to have so much fun!"

 

---

"And is she?" Celestia chuckled from her mirror frame. "Having fun, that is."

"Oh, she's having a wonderful time now," Rarity said, lounging in her divan in her favorite bathrobe with a mimosa. Another "Mirror Meeting" was underway. "Once we had a few things squared away that she was fretting about."

"What things?" Twilight asked.

Rarity waved her hoof about grandiosely, coming perilously close to sloshing her champagne flute empty. "Ohhhh, this and that," she said. "The poor dear was of course fretful of leaving her Mammaw all alone. I offered Mammaw a berth, but she refused! It seems she's something of a fixture in the bayou, with roots as deep as Granny Smith's... besides, and this is in confidence, darlings-- she told me that she wanted to give Mudpuppy a 'clean break.'  'She dun gon' hafta be larnin' all dem royal tings, an' she ain't gon' do dat wid me hoverin' over her.' Quote." Rarity looked saddened. "I could tell it was breaking her heart, but she insisted...

"Oh, the poor thing," Fluttershy said. "Won't she be all alone?"

"Not a chance," Rarity said cheerfully. "Twig is coming along, of course. The ship physicians are going to be going over Princess Necturus with a fine toothed comb, to make sure that wicked pony's potion didn't do her any lasting harm... I told them about Twig and they insisted he come along, so they could examine him for comparison. Hopefully they'll devise some sort of treatment for his own potion poisoning, mend his wings, etc.  Of course the fact that it means Necturus will have one of her closest friends and playmates for company is entirely coincidental, I'm sure." She smiled as she ran her hoof around the rim of her glass.

"Necturus?" Pinkie asked, cocking her head to one side.

Twilight cleared her throat. "A particular genus of amphibian, a type of salamander... also known as a Mud Puppy."

"OoooOOOhhhh..." Pinkie intoned. She paused. "I don't get it." Twilight facehoofed.

"But what about Mammaw?" Fluttershy pressed. "She'll be all alone..."

"Oh, not in the least," Rarity said. "It seems that this little debacle has enlightened Good Doctor Southern Comfort to certain gaps and shortcomings in his medical knowledge. He's chief of staff at the local hospital, and he's going to have a steady stream of doctors and interns in and out of the swamp, studying under Mammaw's tutelage, learning the herbal folklore of the swamp. And not coincidentally keeping an eye on her, helping around her little shack, keeping her company..." Rarity sipped at her drink.

"Oh, how nice." Fluttershy smiled, relieved.

"Of course that little shack is hardly large enough for what they intend," Rarity said. "Southern Comfort is planning on opening a brand new clinic out in the bayou... courtesy of a, ahem, little royal grant?" She buffed a hoof on her robe and examined it, smiling smugly. "He and Mammaw are already thick as thieves, and Mammaw's going to be right in the middle of it all. Then there are all the ponies going out to protect-- and work on cultivating-- the Silphium..."

Twilight nodded. "I sent messages to the Academies," she said. "There are teams of botanists champing at the bit to get out there."

"I hope you realize that will be something of an extensive undertaking, Rarity," Celestia said. "Just hauling the construction materials out into the swamp will be rather laborious..."

"Then it's a good thing they're going to be laying down a road," Rarity said with a jovial grin. She noticed her champagne flute was empty and looked over her shoulder at her maidservant. "Juice me, darling." The pony procured a cocktail pitcher and proceeded to refill Rarity's glass. "Where was I? Oh yes. After getting back to town I had a little talk with certain someponies, tugged a few strings, and got them to start construction on an elevated road out to the communities out in the bayou. Very eager to please a new Princess, those chaps."

"Rarity, I know we have great power as Princesses, but you can't just bypass the local government for that sort of thing," Twilight protested.

"I can if it's a national safety issue," Rarity singsonged. "I know, I looked it up. And an infestation of inhabited territory by hostile, dangerous and-or dark magic created creatures is on the list of things that qualify, right near the top. And after all, the Guard's Royal Corp of Engineers will need to build a supply road out there, what with their mission to march out there and root out those Kappas and Hinkypunks. And when they're all done..." She gestured, indicating an imaginary road, then gasped in fake surprise. "Why I do declare! Our community has need of a road, and here one is, just lying there waiting to be used! My stars, how fortuitous!" she chortled.

"The governor and the mayor were a little unsettled at having to adjust their road maintenance to accommodate a new raised two-lane out into the bayou, but they were much happier once they learned the Guard's Royal Corp of Engineers would be doing the initial construction--  with funding from the crown." She paused as a concerned look vaguely crossed her face and waved a hoof. "Oh do just take it from my share of our little slush fund, if it's a problem. I know the nobles in Canterlot will set up a whine if it comes out of the tax revenue..."

"In light of circumstances, I think it's a very valid royal expenditure," Celestia chuckled. "But yes, let's bypass the nobles on this. No sense giving them a chance to be heel-draggers. I don't mind chipping in a share, myself." Agreement went up from the other princesses.

"Fabulous!" Rarity said, knocking back her drink. "That means  we can keep an eye on their expense accounts. I know how government projects tend to go. Don't get me wrong,  but like Mother always says: money is no object-- but we should have money's worth." She cocked an eyebrow. "Plus, we become investors."

"Investors?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Yes, in the silphium crop," Rarity said. "Or, well, the potential crop, anyway. Once they figure out how to cultivate it. For the next few decades the plant is technically under royal ownership and it now requires a license to pick, to protect from over-harvesting. Mammaw already has her Princessly permit, of course, finder's fee and discoverer's rights and all that, but everypony will be limited to a certain amount per year... except for any demonstrably grown by hoof..."

"Which will encourage every pony with a home garden or a spare window box to try their hoof, at least, at growing it domestically," Twilight concluded, with a note of admiration. "Very slick, Rarity."

"And in the meanwhile, the crown will be raking in a bundle on them fees and licenses and sharecroppin' and what not," Applejack chuckled.

Rarity sipped from her glass. "Of course, darling." She sighed. "It would be nice to be able to simply give and give without thought for the bottom line, but the simple reality is that in order for one to give, one must first receive. Our little royal piggy bank Celestia gave us is nice and plump, but it isn't bottomless. But I estimate that the bottling revenues for the silphium elixir alone will repay what I've been strewing about in this little venture, and we'll have actually made a tidy profit by the time we re-release the silphium into the public domain."

"She learns from thee, Sister," Luna noted wryly. Laughter greeted this, but no disagreement from Celestia.

"So the bayou ponies get a new road, a new medical clinic, and a Guard outpost, the kappa and hinkypunk infestation gets dealt with, science and medicine get back a long-lost miracle plant, the Big Easy potentially gets a priceless new cash crop, and the Great Plan gets a revenue influx... and we get a brand new alicorn filly!" Twilight couldn't resist clapping her hooves in glee.    

"Yeah, looks like I lost money," Rainbow Dash grumped. "Again. I was so sure that the first one would be found by... eh, never mind. Twi, tell your scaly little bookie that his bits are in the mail, wouldja?"

After the chuckles died down, Applejack gave Rarity an appraising look. "I gotta admit you surprised me, sugarcube.Y'all literally got dragged through the city by the horn, plowed through a mile of mud, hosed down in a washtub, pranced through a swamp in a cotton sack dress, saddled with a filly who carries around a half-dozen creepy crawlies in her mane for fun... I would have expected you to be a quiverin' wreck."

Rarity chuckled throatily. "There's a somewhat pharmaceutical reason for that, darling," she said.

For the first time Twilight noticed that Rarity was looking a bit rosy around the cheeks. And she did seem rather boisterous for all that she'd been through... "Rarity," she said, her brow furrowing. "How many of those mimosas have you had?"

"Oh, not many..." Rarity suddenly squinted at her. "Twilight Sparkle. Are you implying that I might be intoxicated?"

Twilight blanched. "Oh no, I'm not--"

"Because I am not." Rarity cut her off. "I am not 'intoxicated.' " She downed her drink and got a refill.

Rainbow Dash eyed her through the mirror. She could see Rarity's magic control over her glass was wobbling more and more. "Rares, if you aren't drunk then--"

"The correct term is 'Smashed off my freaking plot,' darlings," Rarity said. "Don't worry, though, I intend to throw up violently later and spend tomorrow nursing a hangover. I also intend to be wondering WHY I have a hangover..." she didn't so much shudder as go into a brief all-body spasm.  "...Swamp mud. Moss and mildew and pond scum in every bodily crevice... Frogs and lizards and squishy things... even now the child is assembling a terrarium for her slimy friends in Dapper Blue's green house... a 'hotel room' where the bed was only holding together because the bedbugs had linked elbows... snakes in the toilet--" She spasmed again, draining her glass. For a moment it looked like she'd go straight to the pitcher. "Mammaw had to dose me up with her nerve tonic. When that wore off I switched to cocktail mixers. At the moment I'm feeling no pain but I suspect I'll have myself a lovely little freakout once I wake up tomorrow... thank heaven I found the wet bar.

"Which brings me to another interesting realization," she said, her mood swinging about on a new heading. "I believe I've figured out how, exactly, my Element works for me now." She paused for a refill.

"...And?"

"Why it's very simple, darlings," Rarity said. This time her glass did spill a bit. "Generosity is about giving of yourself, being magnanimous to others in your proshperity. Prosperity. ahem. It also means knowing what others need, and having a way to provide it for them.. The moment I had my little surge, I knew just what that poor little sick filly needed, and was absolutely desperate to get it... and the magic went out and found it." She looked down in her glass. "Likewise my magic seemed to know precisely what I needed after my little misadventure. It led me straight to the wet bar on board like a... magical... pointy... guided... projectile....thing." she gave up, flailing for words.

"Anyhow, once I, ah, settled my nerves, I did a little experimenting. Buck, was it easy!  I can look at a pony, or even think about them, and I sort of... sort of know, you see, what exactly they need most at that moment." She waved a cautionary hoof. "Mind, it's not like a genie in a lamp or anything. It seems to be... er... vague. And rather literal minded. There was a young crewpony who was fretting about his up and coming promotion, for example, and his relationship with his filly back home--- but what he needed most in the world right at that moment was a clean tissue and a stick of chewing gum. Another needed a bit coin, somepony else needed a particular book.... the clincher was when I stumbled into Prince Blueblood and tried it on him."

"And what did he need?" Pinkie Pie said, grinning and leaning in toward her mirror.

"A swift kick in the pants." Rarity sipped her drink while the others laughed. Pinkie literally rolled out of sight, clutching her sides.

"And did you give it to him?" Luna grinned.

"Generously. Two hoof printsh, shide by shide. Launched his gaudy white plot down the hall. I blamed it on the drink." Rarity wobbled a bit. "Ooh my. Darlings, it has been a rough day or two, I do believe I need... to lie... down..." she gave an enormous unladylike yawn and toppled over. She sprawled across her divan in an awkward pose, snoring violently.

A lavender mare with a pink mane stuck her head around the corner of the frame. It was Rosemary, one of Rarity's twin hoofmaids. "Don't worry-- we switched out the champagne in her mimosas with ginger ale a while ago," she whispered. She giggled. "I think her highness needs some rest now, though." A loud snort and a mumble came from the prone princess. "I'm sure she will be up to introducing Princess Necturus to you all tomorrow. Good evening, Your Highnesses." The image in the mirror faded back to a reflection.

The rest of the group had to spend a while getting over the giggles at the former fashionista's rough and tumble experiences. When they finally calmed down, Celestia turned to address Twilight. "So, many bits of exciting news from Rarity's corner of the world," she said. "And how have you fared, my most faithful former student?"

Twilight bit her lip and rolled her eyes, but smiled a bit. "Well," she said....

 

"HAAIAIIGH!"

Twilight's shriek split the air in the dimly lit hallway. She leapt backwards a full ten feet, flapping and scrambling, to land in Flash Sentry's forelimbs. "Don't look!" she squealed, burying her face in Flash's neck and covering his face with her wing, trying to block his view from their certain doom.

Flash staggered backward on his hind hooves, cradling the new princess in his forelimbs and flapping his wings for balance. To his relief the other guards leapt to the defense of their princess and their unfortunately encumbered captain, jumping around them to block the way, spears at the ready.  "Hold!" one of them shouted.

"No no, don't anypony look at it directly! Close your eyes!" Twilight insisted. Everypony froze. They held that tableau for several seconds, eyes scrunched shut, before a youthful voice dry with derision spoke up.

"Guys... it's a statue. I don't think you have to worry." Spike gave the aforementioned statuette a poke with one claw. The "tink" of claw on stone was audible. Blushing furiously, Twilight climbed down out of Flash Sentry's arms. She gave the hapless captain of the guard a miffed look, as if blaming him for the mishap, then turned her attention back to the alarming sculpture as if the sight of her Captain annoyed her. Flash shrugged in helpless bafflement to her dragon assistant; Spike merely gave him a shrug of resignation in return.

"Why the devil is there a statue of a cockatrice in a hospital hallway?" she demanded of noone in particular.

And indeed it was; a life sized marble statue of a cockatrice. The sculpture was standing atop a marble half-pillar, its wings mantled and its thick snake tail spiraling down the pillar. It was, for some inexplicable reason, wearing thick welding goggles.

"I do apologize," said Doctor Elixir. The head physician was escorting them through the hospital. He made his way forward through the group and stood beside the statue. "I probably should have warned you before we came to this wing." He rested one paternal hoof on the statue's back. "This is Henrietta, the very first cockatrice in Our Lady of Sunrise Hospital's emergency petrifaction program."

"Emergency petrifaction?" Flash said. He hastily clamped his mouth shut when Princess Twilight gave him a glare.

"I gave you a summary in the dossier for today's schedule," she said irritably. "Didn't you read it?"

"I, er, yes, your highness... that is I... skimmed it," he said, carefully keeping his face neutral. That was all the time I had for it and the other six OTHER dossiers you sent me today, he finished silently. He managed to keep from saying it out loud. But only barely.

Things had become a bit tense between the new princess and her Captain of the Guard. His loose management style was driving her up the wall. From his side, her demands for ever-increasing amounts of pre-planning, scheduling and listmaking was reaching a breaking point where he could either do his job, or spend his entire day documenting it. Both of them had resorted to rather childish extremes; him dashing off the most rudimentary paperwork he could get away with, her sending it back to be redone in triplicate, him sticking it in his "in" box and "losing" or "forgetting" it...

Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. "Hey, give him a break, Twilight," Spike said. "I was about to ask the same thing." Spike, as their go-between, was starting to get a little sick of it all. He'd taken to "accidentally" torching a lot of the scutwork when Twilight wasn't looking.

"Et Tu, Spike?" Twilight Sparkle said. She sighed. "Petrifaction means 'turn to stone.' The Lady of Sunrise Hospital uses petrification spells to, well, preserve badly injured or dangerously sick ponies until they can be gotten proper medical help. It's saved hundreds of lives."

"Thousands, I would say," Doctor Elixir said. "We began using the method over fifty years ago, once safe and reliable depetrification methods were perfected. Nowadays we have better alternatives, but back then we really didn't have enough unicorns on staff capable of a proper petrifying spell, so we kept a stable of hoof-raised cockatrices on grounds for the job. Henrietta here was the first. Seems one of the doctors on staff back then, Time Heals, had been doing research into petrification spells, and he was out in the field trying to catch some cockatrice hatchlings to bring back to the lab when one of his colleagues was badly injured in a rockslide. They would never get back to a hospital in time. Doctor Heals had a brainstorm. He got the hatchling they'd caught, made it stare into his injured partner's eyes, and--" the doctor shrugged. "They got him back to the hospital, depetrified him and patched him up. Since then it's been standard procedure for every emergency responder team to carry a cockatrice with them, for just that purpose."

"Cool," Spike said.

"This," Elixir said, gesturing grandly around him, "Is the Henrietta wing. It's a section of the hospital set aside for patients who are under long-term petrifaction."

"Those with... terminal illnesses," Twilight said.

"For the most part, yes. There are also a few volunteers--- ponies who undergo petrifaction for research purposes, so we can study the effects of being turned to stone for prolonged periods of time." Elixir stepped to one of the doors lining the hall. "Here, let me show you..." He pushed the door open. On the other side was a dimly lit hospital room. Inside, on a flat bed of excelsior where a hospital bed would normally be, lay a stone statue of a unicorn pony, couchant. Her head was up and looking ahead, with a slightly apprehensive, yet determined look on her face, as if she had steeled herself to look at whatever had been before her sightless eyes... Twilight remembered red, glowing eyes and shuddered. A nurse was sitting beside the statue, reading aloud from a paperback novel. She looked up when Doctor Elixir opened the door but he silently signaled her to go about her business.

"They can hear?" Twilight asked. She recalled what a certain draconequus had told them after being depetrified.

"Some of them," the head doctor said. "Some can see, some can hear, some can't. It varies from pony to pony, much as it does for those in a coma. We make a point of treating all of them as if they can... read to them daily, newspapers, their favorite books, that sort of thing. One fellow came out after ten years speaking fluent Neighponese."

The nurse nodded, but still set the book down. "I think that's where we'll stop today, miss Daisy Chain," she said, moving about the statue. "We need to do your checkup now..." she proceeded to examine the petrified pony from end to end.

"What's she doing?" Spike said.

"Checking Miss Chain's condition," Elixir said. "Monitoring for any change in the petrificiation, as well as checking for chips, cracks, that sort of thing."

"ouch," Spike muttered.

"Oh, it's less serious than it sounds... depending on the type of petrification, in fact, cracking often is just a sign that the petrification is spontaneously reversing. When it isn't... well, we've actually brought back a pony who was shattered in half. Just magically glued the pieces back together and unpetrified him," Elixir said. "In those cases there are detrimental aftereffects. Scarring, nerve damage, phantom pains, separation trauma. So we naturally want to avoid anything like that as much as possible. Hence the  bedding." He pointed at the bed of shavings the petrified pony sat in.

He picked up the clipboard at the end of the pony's 'bed' and looked it over. "Ah let's see. Miss Daisy Chain, age forty three, admitted for a congenital heart defect. She volunteered to undergo petrification until a donor heart became available for transplant." He smiled. "Well, we have some good news for her. We've just received word that her place on the waiting list is up; we'll be able to depetrify her and perform the heart transplant this week."

"Wonderful!" the nurse applauded. "You hear that, dear? You'll be up and around in no time." She patted the statue on the withers, smiling.

They proceeded on through the wing, looking in on various patients. Some were there, waiting for a transplant or a surgeon to arrive for an emergency operation; others, less happily, were terminally ill patients who had chosen to be petrified so they could wait for medicine to advance just a bit more towards a cure. There were more than a few volunteers, in fact; their stories were as varied as one could imagine. Some were merely making a few bits volunteering for short-term petrification for the researchers.  Others were would-be chrononauts, choosing to take a one-way trip into the next century... most of those volunteers were put under sleeping pills before petrification, to assure they were actually unconscious and to spare them the boredom of waiting for a hundred years to pass. Some, quite bluntly stated, were seeking to cheat death--- suffering from advanced old age and in chronic illness and pain, they had chosen the cockatrice's gaze over the grave.

Those were the ones most deeply invested in the hospital's true research: Longevity.

Flash Sentry had blanched somewhat at that. It hadn't escaped Twilight's notice. She was still miffed at him and took a wee bit of spite in putting him on the spot. "And what are your thoughts on that, Captain?" she asked.

Flash blinked at the sudden question. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You seem put off by the notion..." she let a hint of challenge enter her voice. Well, she was a princess, darn it, shouldn't she be allowed to tweak ponies who annoyed her once in a while? "I'm guessing you think that ponies shouldn't fear death like this, something along those lines?"

"I-- no, actually. I'm a soldier, your Highness," Flash said. "Contrary to what most ponies think, our job is to make sure the other guy dies for his country. We're not in love with death." He bit his lip. "It's just that... well, that seems like a really lousy sort of immortality." He grimaced. "I'd think after a few years of not being able to move or breathe or even blink, most ponies would rather face the Hereafter than go on existing like that."

"That is why, once a year, we depetrify the long-timers for a day," the doctor said seriously. "We let them spend a day moving about, talking with us, get some sun and air... and decide if they want to go under again." He shrugged. "It's surprising the number of ponies who actually find the experience, well, restful. No aches and pains, no chronic discomforts, no tiredness--- plus, the emotions are muted. No pulse to race in fear, you see. No hormones to surge in the veins with grief, or rage, or sorrow... even those that are conscious and aware describe it as incredibly quiescent." He sighed. "Still, for some, the experience eventually becomes... unpleasant enough that they choose to stay depetrified and let nature take its course. We try to comfort ourselves by reminding one another that they go on to a better place..."    

Spike looked cynical. "But, if that's the case, what's the point of all this?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, there's an Afterlife. So if they're 'going on to a better place,' why treat them? Heck, why treat anypony at all?" Spike said. "Why not just let ponies die so they can just get to the Summerlands or the Great Eternal Plains or whatever that much faster?"

"Spike!" Twilight said, chagrined.

"Well?" Spike challenged.

Twilight cringed. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Spike was still very young... and could be very blunt. But this was something that she really should have talked about with him sooner... She sat down and put her hoof on his shoulder. "Because every day of this life is precious, Spike," she said. "Some day, past the end of time, they say that this life and the next life will be the same. But for now, we only go through this life one time, and every single extra day we can buy for a pony is priceless."

Spike looked doubtful. "But..."

"It's boot camp, Spike," Flash Sentry interrupted. They both looked at him, puzzled. He flushed, but pressed on. "Before a Guard goes on to, well, the real work of being a Guard, he has to go through boot camp--- just twelve weeks, that's all." He scraped a forehoof on the floor. "Life's like boot camp-- you only go through once. But that's all the training you get for what comes next.... so you want every last day of it there is."

"That's... a pretty good analogy," Twilight admitted. She smiled at Flash, seeming to forget for a moment that she was supposed to be mad at him. "What he said, Spike. The Hereafter may be forever, but it's what we do in this life--- the things we do, the lessons we learn, the ones we love---- that will make us who we are, and that will prepare us for who we're going to be when we get there. And every day we have gives us a chance to add more to that... richness."

Comprehension seemed to dawn on Spike's face a little. His mouth quirked. "Heap up at the buffet line, 'cause you only go through once, right?"

Twilight giggled. "That's a pretty good analogy too," she admitted. "All we're trying to do is make the buffet line as long as possible."

Doctor Elixir stroked his chin. "I'll have to remember that one," he admitted. "It'll go a long way explaining our goals at the next board meeting with the investors."

"Well you are sort of almost there," Spike said. "Your patients would kind of be immortal-- except for that whole made of stone, never moving again thing." His voice was wry. "If they could turn to stone and still move around, you might be on to something."

"Actually, there are a few researchers who are exploring that avenue," Elixir said. "Some rather radical concepts in that area, I must say. Seeing as many of the petrifaction patients are conscious, one of our physicians has been speculating on the concept of transforming the pony into a sort of golem.... he reasons that if we could establish some way for the petrified pony to communicate with the outside world, the next step would be to... well, shrink them down," he gestured with his hooves, indicating something about the size of a desk knick-knack, "and insert them into an artificial or mechanical body...."

"Cool, like Atomo the Living Brain! Only... er, more like Atomo the living stone-statue-inna-robot..." Spike paused. "Maybe you could just petrify their brains?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. Spike and his comic books, she thought, before turning her attention back to the task at hand. From the moment she had heard about the research at Our Lady of Sunrise, she had been both eager to see their work, and optimistic that she might find traces of alicorn involvement somewhere in the facilities. She reasoned that if anypony had a motivation into researching longevity, it would be a lonely alicorn who sought to end their solitude, much as Celestia did. And perhaps the researchers might have tumbled to something in the past century on solving the riddle of alicorn ascension. She had kept the alicorn-detection spell humming  (disguising the horn-glow by keeping her day planner and quill hovering nearby) and kept her metaphorical fingers crossed.(1)

It hadn't panned out quite so well, though. The work they were doing here was incredible, and was advancing medical techniques by leaps and bounds. Twilight made a note to make sure that the hospital received a generous royal grant. But most of their work, while promising, ranged far afield and didn't seem to be unearthing anything particularly revolutionary in the alicorn-related areas.  And she hadn't picked up a single trace of alicorn anywhere, other than herself.

The rest of the tour of their research department was rather fascinating, all the same.  The research of longevity had a surprising number of avenues of pursuit. She had, of course, volunteered to donate a pint of blood for their research, along with a wing feather, some horn slivers, and a lock of her mane and tail. These were all eagerly and gratefully accepted; she was informed that Celestia and Luna both stopped by once a year for that same purpose. To her surprise though they asked for a blood and scale sample from Spike as well. "Dragons are, of course, immensely long-lived," Elixir explained. "But of course getting samples to study is, aheh, a tad difficult."

"Hey, no problem, doc," Spike said. "Say, would you like some of Peewee's feathers? He's a baby Phoenix after all--"

Elixir most certainly would, and was ecstatic to receive them. "Phoenix regeneration research has had some promising, if unusual results," he said. "One doctor made an elixir from phoenix feathers once, cleared up his unicorn patient's chronic digestive troubles, his eczema, cataracts, and his halitosis but--" he hesitated. "Well, we have him under long-term observation now because of the side effects."

"What side effects does he have?" Spike asked.

"He tends to burst into flame at random intervals," Elixir said awkwardly.  

There was a loud FWOOMP from further back in the building. Orange light flickered in one doorway. "Nurse! It's happening again!" somepony yelled frantically over the sound of a beeping smoke alarm. A moment later a bored-looking nurse trotted past with a fire extinguisher in her magical grip. There was a prolonged fwoooooooosh. Steam rolled out into the hall. "Sorry," the pony's voice said weakly.

"It's okay, hon, these things just happen. Lemme fetch you a new hospital gown," the nurse said.

Elixir looked apologetic. "We usually have him in a room with a sprinkler system, but they've been doing repairs..."

Research into age spells was proving disappointing. They either tended to wear off, instantly returning the subject to their true age, or the subject simply aged faster with each application... and the first time was measured in mere months. "Sometimes though they're still applicable for medical purposes," Elixir explained as they passed the laboratory where they were aging and de-aging lab mice. "A young colt can often recuperate better from an illness or injury than an old stallion, even if they're an old stallion by the end of the year. The trick is to adapt the bandages and sutures for a rapidly growing body...."

In the next lab over they were turning lab mice into frogs, and back again. "This shows promise," Elixir said. "We already can make a patient regenerate lost limbs. We're just trying to find a way to do it without having to turn them into frogs first."

The work was obviously not without problems. The phoenix-flammable pony was just one example; research into transferring the lifespan of the sequoia in a clinical trial had resulted in several disgruntled ponies with twigs and leaves where their manes should be, and there was another who had come out of the laboratory unchanged by essence of gallop-agos tortoise save that he moved painfully, painfully slow.

They took time to pass through the regular departments of the hospital, visiting the patients and using Twilight's princessly presence to boost the patients' good cheer. The trip through the children's wing was an irrepressible mood lifter; It was a tossup whether Twilight in her royal finery or Flash and his guards in their polished armor gave the foals there the biggest thrill.

By the end of it they had toured every wing and floor. And not a trace of alicorn or alicorn magic anywhere. Twilight sighed and let the spell wink out. She turned to bid their leave from Doctor Elixir. "Thank you for your tour, Doctor," she said. "We will put in word with the other Princesses to renew your grants, with a recommendation to expand. I hate to cut this short but we do have a schedule to keep--"

Flash Sentry came trotting up. "Um, we might have a bit more time," Flash said. "Sorry, your Highness, my fault but we'll have to delay our departure for a little bit longer--"

"Delay?" Twilight said. Her irritation from earlier returned almost immediately. She started to snap something when she noticed that Flash was sporting a cotton bandage on his foreleg he hadn't had before. "Wait, what happened, what's this?" she poked at the bandage with a hoof. She suddenly realized that there were more of her guards in the hallway than had been there before... a lot more. In fact the entire waiting area was filled with armored soldiers patiently sitting. "What is this?"

Flash looked embarrassed and flexed his foreleg.  "While they were drawing your blood sample, I asked....seems they're running short of pints of the regular stuff as well. So I had a word with the boys, and we decided to top 'em off." He looked over his shoulder at the others. "That right, fellas?"

"Darn straight, sir!" one of them said. The guards lining the halls saluted.

Flash grinned. "Good men."

"Man, I hate needles," one grumbled.

"Awww, c'mon," his seat mate told him. "If you're a big brave soldier you'll get an orange and a cookie!" laughter rippled up the aisle.

"We should all be tapped and ready to re- board in..." Flash looked at the nurse handling the paperwork inquisitively.

"Oh, about an hour, hour and a half," she said.

"What she said." He cleared his throat. "The whole Guard volunteered. Ship's crew, too. Got a lot more volunteers than I expected. Sorry."

Twilight puffed out her cheeks and blew her forelock into the air. She could hardly be mad at him for this, but darn it-- "What brought this on?" she said.

He sobered a bit. "When your Highness decided to make a blood donation, I thought it would be a good example to follow," he said. "They got a lot of sick ponies here. A lot of sick foals, especially. If our princess can open a vein for her ponies, can her guards do any less?"

Twilight gave up. "Okay, good show, then," she said. "Go-- do a head count, or something." Flash nodded, gave her a half smile and strode off down the hallway, shouting out for a roll call. Twilight rolled her eyes. There went the entire rest of the day's itinerary. Of all the un-planned, impulsive....

... exasperating symbolic noble gestures...

Why did she suddenly want to smile? Darn him anyway!

 

---

1)Half the sapient races on Equestria had fingers. She knew what they were and why they would be crossed.

Sunset Shimmer caught the high winds, soaring skyward as she flew over the Foal Mountains. She tossed her mane in the icy air, euphoric. Flying, actually flying! With wings! Her own wings, not some magical constructs either. She didn't think she'd ever get over the thrill.

It had been a busy time since her reconciliation, and her ascension. There had been more than a few fences to mend, and the ones with Celestia were only the first. Her first order of business had been to return to the Human world on the other side of the magic mirror, and try to undo the harm she'd caused. That had been... awkward. In the other world she'd been a high school student--- one with a grown mare's cunning and experience, and a ruthless streak a mile wide. She had tied the student body in knots, exercising a campaign of divide and conquer: wrapping several popular boys around her finger before discarding them, ingratiating herself to the school authority figures, setting her most likely female rivals--- the counterparts of the Element Bearers no less; what were the odds?--- at one another's throats with bits of gossip and carefully targeted emails, making the social rejects and outcasts like Snips and Snails and Button Mash into her personal flunkies... She'd had a lot to make amends for.

It had taken several days of apologies and painful confrontations, and at least one catfight... but in the end after all the tears, it had been worth it. She had returned to Equestria with her load greatly lightened.

She shook her head as she reflected on it. What in Equestria had she been thinking? That she was going to conquer the world by becoming prom queen? Sure, she would have had the Element of Magic. She'd learned of the existence of the Elements long before leaving Equestria, and she'd used advanced arithmancy to figure out that the Elements-- even the Element of Magic--- could be used independently. (and hadn't that been some clever magic work.... ) and , while trapped in the Human world, sensed its presence through the Mirror...  She'd known that with its power she'd have increased her magic tenfold or more, and become obsessed with obtaining it.

She snorted. Celestia was right; she was an idiot when it came to planning out the next step. As if Celestia (or Luna, she reminded herself) would have just rolled over for a tiara-wearing alicorn wannabee and an army of high schoolers. There were more soldiers guarding the royal wine cellars than Sunset Shimmer would have had in her entire teenybopper army. Shoot, Celestia and Luna barely ranked a distant third in raw power in Equestria, maybe even lower if you took into account some of the entities imprisoned in Tartarus. At the very least it would have been Sunset Shimmer versus the other five Element Bearers-- and after what happened to Luna nee Nightmare Moon, it wasn't hard to guess which way that would have gone.

And as for conquest in the human world...? Sunset Shimmer shuddered. She hadn't slept through all of her classes in that dismal human high school. She'd learned enough human history to know just how bad an idea attempted conquest was. She would have stood a snowball's chance in hell of taking over that world, even with the Element's power. Humans were helpless-looking things with no magic, with no fangs or talons, no scales or fiery breath, no monstrous strength, no hooves, horns, or wings, nothing but soft helpless monkey things. Soft helpless monkey things  who leveled their own cities with a push of a button when they got angry enough. She was sure they would have had a colorful and historically memorable name for the crater left behind, had she tried to march up and claim a throne anywhere in their world.

Maybe it was the hormones. Being trapped in a pseudo-adolescent body had probably made her "go native" for a while, start actually thinking like a short-sighted little dimwitted teenage girl. She'd probably been within a few months of spending all her free time at the mall and making duckfaces at her iPhone. She shuddered again.

It was at that moment that the alicorn-seeking spell lying dormant at the base of her horn blared like a klaxon. "WAUGH!" she yelped, her eyes crossing as she tumbled through the air. It took her several seconds to reorient herself; the moment she did she landed on a cloud and whipped out her compact. "Celestia!" she said into the tiny magic mirror. "Celestia, Luna-- oh shoot, what's the thingy for--- oh right, Conference Call!"

A moment later the tiny mirror was crowded with ghostly, overlapping faces, and a tumult of voices rose from the glass. "Everypony, everypony," Sunset said. The queries died down. "This is Sunset Shimmer. I just got a hit!"

Another tumult started-- surprise, elation and more. This time it was Celestia who managed to be heard over the clamor. "Wonderful!" The sun princess said. "Where were you when it happened?"

"Over the Foal Mountains," Sunset said. She turned her head as she talked, trying to sense if the 'tone' of the spell waxed or waned. "Did any of you sense anything? I was hoping if you did I could triangulate with you..."

Everypony on the conference call shook their heads. "I'm afraid not, Sunset," Twilight said. "The spell is too short range for that."

"Right, right," Sunset said, annoyed. She'd forgotten that little drawback of the alicorn detection spell. The spell was, depending on the user, only good for a few hundred feet to a few miles. The only reason Celestia had been able to detect the ascension of the Bearers all the way to Canterlot was because it was six alicorns ascending simultaneously, with a massive magical boost from the Elements to boot.

"Was it an ascension?" Twilight asked, curious.

"I dunno, it was certainly loud and sudden enough," Sunset said, rubbing her head. "You really need to tone down the resonances in the matrix on this spell, Twilight; It felt like someone used my horn for an air horn nozzle." Twilight winced and giggled awkwardly. "Wait..." Sunny blinked. The tone was gone. "It's gone!"

"What?"

"It... it just shut off! Like someone turning off a light switch!" Sunset turned around on her cloud, baffled.

"That's... baffling," Twilight said.

"Do you think they saw you coming and decided to hide?" Pinkie Pie said.

"Tis a possibility," Luna said. "Little Princess Necturus wast hidden from us as well, after all, and by naught but instinct. A more puissant and skilled alicorn might hide more effectively.... save for a brief gaffe or slip..."

"I'm going to investigate," Sunset said decisively. She shut the compact with a snap and dove off the cloud, sweeping down low over the treetops in a widening spiral, horn gleaming....

...nothing. She swept an area nearly a mile in diameter, and didn't pick up so much as a peep. Vexed, she dove below the canopy; under the trees she found a wagon trail. She followed it to where it split off into three different directions. No sign of anypony, not even wagon tracks. Sunset stamped in frustration. She'd been told that an alicorn's magic would instinctively hide their trail if they didn't wish to be found, but it was another thing to witness it. This trail looked like it hadn't been passed in months.

She back-tracked, and found, at long last, signs of ponies; there was a small campsite by the road, abandoned (she estimated) about the time she'd been knocked for a loop by the alicorn detection spell, at this point over an hour ago. Whoever had been here had apparently tried to wipe away any traces of the camp before beating a hasty retreat. She nosed around, hoping to find some indication of which direction they went... the only thing she uncovered were the remains of a runic circle scratched out in the dirt. The physical scratches had been hastily scuffed over but with her alicorn eyes she could still see the quintessence lines glimmering faintly in the dirt. She pulled out her compact again. "I think I found something," she said.  "Somepony was trying a rather complex spell..."

"What sort?" Twilight asked.

"Something complicated enough to need a binding circle," Sunset said. "It's hard to tell, but it looks like..." she squinted at the rapidly fading remains of the runes. "Like a transmogrification reversal?" Reversal spells--- or "Un-dos" as most unicorns called them-- were part of the standard curriculum for unicorns. They were actually fairly simple and most unicorns knew two or three one-size-fits-all variants. It was very unusual to see one this involved and complex. Rarer still to find one, to judge by the burnt look of the end-loop runes, that had failed...

"Any sign of which way they went?" Twilight interrupted Sunset's thoughts. "It sounds like they might have botched a spell and need help undoing it."

"We can send help--" Celestia said.

"No no, that's no good," Sunset said. "They'll see guardsmen hunting for them and they'll panic, disappear for good." She chewed her lip. "Darn it. It's getting late-- I'm coming back to the castle, I'll re-start the search in the morning when I think up a plan."

 

---

It was two days later, but it was a really good plan. At least Sunset thought so. Alicorn magic or no, tracking an alicorn that didn't want to be found required something better than powerful spells; it required some really lateral thinking. The alicorn self-hiding aura was... rather capricious. Each alicorn's hiding aura was unique; it could operate in rather peculiar ways, and fail in myriad ways, too. It almost seemed to be a sort of karmic backlash. In Celestia and Luna's case, their aura had kept them hidden and safe during Discord's reign, and had worked perfectly, right up to the point they had confronted him... then it had blown out spectacularly. For centuries afterward it had been effectively impossible to hide from their little ponies, almost as if the spell was compensating for centuries of concealing them from the world. It had taken ages for them to devise workarounds, such as the notice-me-not spell, that would give them a moment's privacy again.

In other cases, the aura could... pop up in odd quirks. Twilight Sparkle had been initially very uncomfortable with the attention she got from other ponies as a Princess. Not enough to drive her into Reclusion (her own term for the Alicorn-in-Hiding scenario), but enough that the common pony would often spontaneously fail to notice that they were dealing with an alicorn princess-- generally at inconvenient or embarrassing times. It's not normal for an alicorn princess to hail a cab only to be flipped the bird and driven past, after all. After the third pony pushed ahead of her in line at the grocery store, she got over it and started wearing her royal finery in public deliberately.

Sunset's reasoning was this: Whoever this alicorn was, they were pushing their find-me-not field as hard as they could. Unconsciously, most likely, but still. The aura would erase footprints, hide trails, blur memories, misdirect attention. There was bound to be a backlash effect. Or, more likely, the effect would come full circle: they were pushing it so far in one direction that it was bound to come all the way around from the other side, to the point that they left behind a sort of hole where they should have been, becoming noticeable by their very absence.

So, Sunset reasoned, the answer was simple. She returned to the abandoned campsite two days later: enough time to let the elusive alicorn believe they were no longer pursued. Then she carefully covered her wings with a pair of oversized panniers, and set out down the road on hoof... and every time the road forked, she took the road that looked less traveled by. She knew she was on the right trail when she passed through a little whistle stop (three houses, a dry goods store and a rain barrel) and not only could the old coot in a rocker on the dry goods front porch not remember anypony passing by, but the main route out of town had no wheel ruts. At all.

It was five miles after that when Sunset Shimmer finally caught up to her quarry. In fact, she nearly passed them right by. It was only a hundred feet down the road that she realized the totally unobtrusive, surely long abandoned gypsy caravan wagon by the roadside had a campfire smoldering beside it. She backtracked, deliberately not taking her eyes off the wagon as she cast every illusion dispelling charm she knew. Sakes, but the alicorn aura was just the first part; there were half a dozen illusions, misdirections and no-see-ums layered on top.

She was barely ten yards away before she even "noticed" the colt sitting by the campfire, tending the stew pot. The illusion was impressive; one moment he wasn't there, then he seemed to fade in out of the forest background, like an image in one of those paintings that changed depending on where you stood. If Sunset Shimmer had been surprised, the poor colt looked absolutely panicked. He'd frozen, stew ladle in hoof, his eyes fixed on hers as she approached. He was a lanky thing, just barely older than the Cutie Mark Crusaders by Sunset's estimation, with a reddish brown coat and a tousled purple mane that poked out from under the hood of his traveling cloak. He stared at her with wide golden eyes. "Hello," Sunset said cautiously. "I am Sunset Shimmer. I'm... looking for somepony...?"

The colt let out a squeak and bolted for the wagon, ladle spinning to the ground behind him. He threw the door open and dove inside. "Trixie!" He yelled. "They found us!"

"What??" a feminine voice inside shrilled. The door slammed shut, and Sunset Shimmer heard the sound of bolts being drawn. Well, that wasn't good. She sighed and facehoofed. The Princesses (and Prince) really needed to sit down and work out some sort of protocol for approaching hiding, paranoid alicorns. In fact Prince Shining Armor was probably a good pony to talk to; he was military, wasn't he? He probably had a few ideas.

She crept closer, ears pricked. As she circled the wagon the multi-layered illusion fell away. It was rather clever, she had to admit: simple camouflage, underneath two or three types of optical illusion--she blinked, dispelling the odd blind spots that were floating over her eyes-- and add to that a spell that induced entoptic effects for good measure. Mix in a notice-me-not spell to direct her attention elsewhere, and throw the blanket alicorn aura over top of it...  sakes alive this alicorn was paranoid.

Of course, the drawback to using such stealth and illusion spells is that, once you recognized them for what they were, they almost instantly stopped working on you. And the more effects you added on, the faster it fell apart. Once Sunset had squinted her way past the camouflage illusion, the rest of it had come apart like a house of cards. Of course it helped that Sunset knew she was looking for something, and she was very persistent....

If there had been any doubt she was on the right track, it faded the moment she stepped to the front door. The alicorn detection spell was going off again, a choral drone that throbbed in time with her pulse.

She got to the door of the gaily colored wagon as the last of the illusions around it unraveled. There was a bit of ruckus going on inside, a lot of things banging around and frantic whispers. Sunset cocked an ear and leaned in, listening.

"I thought you said nopony would look twice at us!"

"Nopony should even look twice at us! Trixie used her finest illusions! It was a masterpiece of thaumaturgical stealth!"

"Well she's looking, and a lot more than twice! She's right outside! She said she's looking for somepony, too."

"What did she look like?"

"Unicorn, yellow with red hair. High class looks. Canterlot accent."

"Looked a bit out of place did she?"

"Like a peacock in a chicken farm."

Hmph, Sunset thought, miffed. I thought I'd gotten more in touch with the common pony. I guess you can take the filly out of Canterlot...

The female said a few uncouth words. "That wretched Brass must have gone to the Capital and tipped off more of his rotten 'friends.' If she's not from the government I'll eat my hat!"

"What do we do?" The colt sounded more and more upset. "I-- I don't wanna go back--"

Curiouser and curiouser, Sunset thought. She decided to take the minotaur by the horns and rapped firmly on the door. "Hello in there?" she said. "I mean no harm. Please, may I speak to you?"

There was a brief clatter, followed by the sound of a bolt sliding back. "Er, come in dearie, the door's open," the mare said-- in a high, reedy, elderly voice.

Sunset pushed the door open and stepped inside. The interior was quite nice; well furnished, if rather cozy. Two bunks, a couple of stools, a small stove for heat, a pair of steamer trunks for private possessions. Every spare inch of the caravan was accounted for; packed with home comforts and bric-a-brac of all variety. A lot of it, Sunset noted, seemed to be the sort of things one used for stagecraft or street performance.

The colt was in the back of the caravan, mucking about with a few stack of books and trying desperately to not look scared out of his wits. In the middle of the room, fuddling about with something on the floor, was a mare in an enormous baggy dress and a voluminous shawl that nearly buried her from sight. She was stooped down, wiping away at some stray chalk marks... "Hello, dearie," she croaked, her voice coming out of the depths of her shawl. "How can an old granny and her son help out a fellow traveler?"

Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes. The performance was passable, but this close she could clearly see the mare's muscle tone under her cloak was too good and her chalk hoof too steady and smooth.  "You know, if you're trying to hide who you are, it's not particularly clever to leave magic inscriptions anywhere somepony can see them."

The mare froze. "I don't know what you're talking about, dearie," she said, frantically scrubbing. "This is just a-- a good luck charm, for travelers---"

"I can see the runes from here, Trixie," Sunset said, amused.

Trixie stopped writing and dropped the chalk. "Fine," she said, her voice clear, and stood up. She shucked off the shawl and the bag dress, revealing a blue unicorn mare with a pale mane wearing a star spangled cape. "So one of Sheriff Brass' buffoons tracked us down," she snapped, whipping a star spangled hat off a nearby peg and jamming it down on her head. "Well you can tell Brass that the Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't give up without a fight!" She whipped something out of her cape and flung it to the floorboards at Sunset's feet.

Clouds of smoke filled the tiny wagon, blinding Sunset. "Run, Jasper!" she heard Trixie yell. There was a sound of scurrying hooves, followed by a loud double thump and groans of pain. Sunset waved her horn, sending the purple smoke swirling up the stove chimney and revealing Trixie and Jasper piled up against the back of the wagon, moaning.

"By the way, I blocked the back door from the outside," Sunset said. "So could we please stop with this now and--"

"Never!" Trixie got up and stood on wobbly hooves, horn flaring. "Let us go or face my magical wrath!" The fact that she was trying to uncross her eyes from whacking headlong into her back door made the threat a great deal less intimidating.

Sunset decided she'd had enough. "Oh really?" she said, annoyed. She shrugged off her panniers and flared her wings.  For an added flourish she pulled her tiara (custom made by the royal jeweler) and plunked it on her head. "If you think you got a shot, feel free to take it."

Trixie and Jasper gaped at her wings, then her horn, then her tiara in horror. "She's a princess," Jasper squeaked. "Oh we are so boned."

They held that tableau for a heartbeat. "Very well," Trixie said, grimly. "You leave me no choice." With that she flung herself at Sunset Shimmer's hooves, wrapping her forelegs around Sunset's ankle and began howling like a distraught diamond dog. "Oh please have mercy your great and anonymous highness we swear to you it was unintentional Trixie pleads for mercy or at least for you to not send the colt to the moon he's only a child and---"

"AUGH! WHAT WHAT what WHAT???" Sunset tried to yank her hoof away, to no avail. Trixie clung like a limpet, blubbering for mercy. Jasper had fallen to the floor as well, kowtowing in terror. "What are you talking about? Get to your hooves, you two!" Slowly, reluctantly, the two got up in a cringing crouch. "What the heck is this all about?"

Jasper huddled next to Trixie. "We know you're all hunting for us because of Sheriff Brass," he said. His lower lip trembled and his golden eyes turned wet. "And after what happened last month he's got us dead to rights... we never meant to commit treason, we swear--"

"Treason??" Sunset shimmer gawped. The more they talked, the more baffled she got.

"For... for impersonating royalty," Jasper said.

At Sunset's increasingly baffled expression, Jasper got to his feet. Trixie followed. Silently they shucked their cloaks.

And slowly spread their wings.

 

---

Sunset, of course, had promptly scanned them both. Status confirmed. Congratulations, everypony, it's alicorns. One mare, one colt. After a lot of talking, and a LOT of repeated promises that no, she wasn't there to arrest them or send them to the moon or turn them into statues (where DID these horrific rumors get started? Discord and Nightmare Moon were god-tier menaces; why would Celestia ever resort to such things otherwise? Ponies really didn't know Celestia like they thought they did), she got them to start talking.

It was one hell of a story.

Some short while after a rather embarrassing run in with Twilight Sparkle involving a magic duel and a cursed artifact known as the Alicorn Amulet, The Great and Powerful Trixie, showmare extraordinaire, had gone back on the road-- as far as she could get from Ponyville--- trying to rebuild her reputation and career as a traveling performer. In the course of touring the hinterlands she had apparently run afoul of an earth pony village named Promise, which was basically run by the Filii Terram, a group of earth pony supremacists and pure-blood bigots. It seems an orphan had gone missing in their town, and nopony gave a rat's behind... but another foal belonging to a pegasus mailmare passing through had gone missing as well and Sheriff Brass had to put in a pretense of looking. So he'd basically blackmailed Trixie into doing his dirty work for him. After considerable risk and danger, Trixie and the traveling mailmare had found the missing foals in a dangerous wood known as Dusky Dale and rescued them... at which point Trixie had found out that both the missing foals were unicorns.

"Those miserable turf-herders were willing to let two foals die in a forest full of timberwolves for the "sin" of being crossbreeds," Trixie snorted. She ladled some of the potato soup from the kettle and passed it to Jasper. "Care for some?" Sunset nodded, and received a bowl. "Naturally, Trixie returned to town, and made a point of letting the entire sorry town know precisely what had happened, and precisely she thought of them-- and that she was taking Jasper with her, whether they liked it or not." She smiled briefly at the colt. "We have been... family... ever since."

Jasper smiled. He turned out to be a handsome colt under that baggy cloak, with a cutie mark of a purple and red gemstone crossed with a bolt of flame. "Best day of my life," he said softly. His smile turned into a frown. "Too bad Brass-ass didn't like it that way---"

"Jasper! Language." Trixie smirked. "He's SHERIFF Brass-ass, young colt, remember that." Jasper snickered. "Alas, tis true," Trixie continued. "The snivelling bully finally decided his bloated ego was stronger than his cowardice, and set out to pursue us. Probably afraid somepony important will find out what an incompetent boob he is."

"Cowardice?" Sunset asked, sipping her soup.

Trixie looked embarrassed. "In her righteous anger Trixie may have... implied... that she had the power to erase Promise from the map for their wickedness, if she so wished. Ahem." She shuffled. "Trixie hoped to keep them from trying to cause trouble for us. It seems to have backfired rather dramatically."

Sunset shook her head. "Coulda seen that coming," she said.

"Sheriff Brass has been hounding us ever since," Jasper said. His expression could have curdled the soup in his bowl. "He's got himself a whole network of good ol' stallions, other Sheriffs, members of the Filii Terram... he's been sending out letters ahead of us telling the law in every two bit town that we're fugitives, or thieves, or bunko artists or worse. Claiming Trixie's a kidnapper-- telling them to arrest us and hold us till he can come drag us back to Promise."

"I don't know what the dullard expects to do once he has us," Trixie said. "He's a two-bit sheriff from a one-bit town run by him, the mayor and the deputy, and one testicle between the three of them." Sunset nearly snorted her soup out her nose. "But I don't intend to find out. With our luck he has a good ol' stallion friend who can get us dumped in an oubliette someplace and nopony the wiser."

"Thus far we've stayed a couple of hoofsteps ahead of him," Trixie said. "We spent most of last year outside of Equestria, touring the gryphon and minotaur lands. And I thought pony hecklers were tough." Jasper giggled. "I'd hoped the heat would be off by now, but--" she shrugged. "Brass is stubborn.

"Then last week--" Her wings rustled under her spangled cape. She looked back at them with tooth-grinding anger. "Then last week I really screwed things up for both of us." She waved a wing. "With this!"

"I don't understand?" Sunset said.

Trixie sighed. "Ever since Trixie's little... um... incident with the Alicorn Amulet, she's noticed her magic being a bit sub-par," she said. " Hiccuping a bit. So she's been studying, trying to, well, spruce up around the edges a bit." She sniffed loftily. "About a week ago, in a town just outside Hollow Shades, She got... overconfident and decided to spruce up our usual performance with some minor transmogrification. The spell was supposed to give Jasper and Trixie butterfly wings, but..." she cringed. "It... I don't know. I had a spell surge-- the first I've had since I was four years old!-- and the spell ran away with me..."

"I tried to use the spell-stopper Trixie taught me," Jasper threw in. "But the spell just started arcing back and forth between our horns. We're hanging in the air, light spiraling around us, sparks and explosions everywhere..." he grinned. "It was kind of cool, actually. Too bad we couldn't do a light show like that on our regular performance..."

"And when the spell completed with an almighty BANG, and the stars finally cleared from Trixie's eyes---" Trixie threw out her  forehooves dramatically. "There we were. With these." She raised her wings from under her cape and fluttered them. She sighed wistfully. "Jasper's right, it did get a good bit of applause... then," she grimaced, "who should come striding up through the cheering crowd but Sheriff Brass, his dipstick deputy in tow, bellowing about how he had caught us in a further act of criminal malfeasance, and he was going to arrest us for defaming and impersonating royalty." Trixie looked horrified at the very thought. She held her hoof to her head. "If Jasper hadn't been as quick-thinking as he was, we would have been in hoofcuffs on the spot."

Jasper ducked his head and blushed, grinning. "I, uh, set off our fireworks display. All of 'em at once."

"Remember the first rule of performance, Jasper," Trixie chided," Never undersell yourself. His special talent is fire magic," Trixie tipped her hoof at Jasper's cutie mark. "His magic boosted the firework display tenfold with a wave of his horn. In the ensuing confusion, we made our escape with a hasty come-to-life spell on our wagon. It was twenty miles before we could get the dratted thing to stop.

"But Brass cut us off again. He's hit the grapevine again, telling everypony about a pair of 'criminal con ponies' who are roaming the countryside, swindling people by 'impersonating royalty' and who are clearly up to no good.... he's got every lawpony from here to Promise hunting for us...." she fanned her wings again, distressed. "We've been on the lam ever since. I've had to keep us behind so many hiding spells that one morning I spent all day trying to find my own hooves!

"And I can't dispel this stupid transmogrification!" She clutched her hat to her chest and began chewing on the brim. "I've tried every detransmogrification, spell-interrupt and reversal I know, I've dug through every book I can lay hoof on, nothing works..." she grabbed Sunset's arm. "You have to believe us, your Highness. We would never insult the princesses by impersonating them---!"

Sunset Shimmer couldn't help it. She started to laugh. Trixie's baffled expression only made her laugh harder.

After a minute she finally caught her breath. "Well, first off, the reason the detransmogrification didn't work is because neither of you is under a transmogrifying spell," she said. Oh Maker, she thought gleefully as she watched their eyes go round, those looks of dawning wonder. "And as to impersonating royalty... "

 

---

Sheriff Brass sidled his way through the throng, Deputy Piccolo close behind him. "This is it, boy," he said with smug satisfaction, using his weight to shoulder past the mob of prissy Canterlot unicorns. "That no-account mare finally slipped up."

"How so, Sheriff?" Piccolo said, his voice cracking. He hustled to stay in Brass' wake, flashing his badge at the ponies glaring at him and the Sheriff.

Brass rolled his eyes. "'Cause she blew her cover, dimwit," he said. "A 'grand performance,' right here in the middle of Canterlot. All I can figger is she thought she was safe from us right here in yew-ni-corn central." He hawked and spat, barely missing a fancy-dressed mare's hoof. He ignored her yelp of outrage and kept edging forward through the crowd. "Spotlight-crazy dimwit musta forgot we're stallions o' the law. This badge don't stop at the edge o' Promise, no sir."

"No sir," Deputy Piccolo agreed.

"Now you're here, I'm here, and so's every pony I deputized," Brass went on. He looked around and was mighty proud to see earth ponies with badges and hats edging through the crowd towards the stage. It went without saying they were all members of the Filii Terram. "Fool nag set up this little show right in the middle of Canterlot Park. We got her surrounded, and soon we'll have her in cuffs. That nag will be wearin' stripes and bustin' rocks till cows have the vote. "

"What about the colt?" his deputy asked.

"Meh; let th' guard dump him in some orphanage here," Brass said. "Better'n he deserves. Ah, here we are, front row--- Mayor Granite? What're you doin' here?" To his astonishment, the belligerent sheriff found himself elbow-to-elbow with the Mayor of Promise and the head of their local branch of the Order.

Mayor Granite looked at him in surprise. "Me? I received a royal invitation to Canterlot. What are YOU doing here, Sheriff?"

"Royal invite?" Brass was a bigoted dullard, but something about that phrase made the rusted gears in his mind turn in directions he didn't find happy. But before he could figure out why, his attention was yanked back to the wooden stage at the center of the park.

"FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS OF CANTERLOT!!" a mare's magically amplified voice boomed out. "WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY SHOW HAPPENING IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA!" Fireworks shot off in every direction.

Brass snorted and rolled his eyes. It was the loudmouth showmare all right.

"WE PRESENT TO YOU A ROYAL COMMAND PERFORMANCE--"

Royal Command? Something funny was going on here...

"--THE GRAND EQUESTRIAN PREMIERE...FOR THE FIRST TIME ANYWHERE.... "  In a flurry of fireworks and showers of fire fountains, the wooden stage unfolded like an origami swan. Standing in the middle were Trixie and Jasper.

"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL..." The showmare was wearing a brand new spangled robe and hat. She whipped them aside to reveal her blazing horn and fanning wings. She was resplendant in a translucent, star spangled cape, a tiara on her silky hair and glitter flashing on her wings. "PRINCESS TRIXIE LULAMOON, ALICORN OF ILLUSION!" Starbursts and splashes of rainbow light fountained from her horn, out-dazzling the fireworks of just a moment before.

Sheriff Brass' jaw dropped. The sheer audacity of it.... "She's gonna be buried UNDER her jail cell," he said, almost too astonished to be outraged.

"ALSO FOR THE FIRST TIME ANYWHERE..." Trixie made a gesture to her sidekick. The colt kicked aside his robes. He spread his wings; they'd been lightly airbrushed to suggest flames at the edge of the feathers. His purple mane was sleeked back from his horn in a proud pompadour, revealing a small gold coronet. He reared up, letting his dark purple cape flutter to best effect. "PRINCE JASPER LULAMOON, ALICORN OF FLAME!!" Jasper tossed his head; a half-dozen birds of multicolored flames spouted from his horn and spiraled around him, showering sparks. Several fillies in the front row squealed and swooned.

If Sheriff Brass had been slackjawed before, now he was practically purple with rage. "That's it," he bellowed, waving his hoof to give the signal. All around the stage, deputies began moving in---

And were pinned in place by blinding white spotlights. "BUT BEFORE WE GET OUR SHOW UNDERWAY," Trixie went on. "LET ME TAKE A MOMENT TO RECOGNIZE SOME SPECIAL GUESTS IN OUR AUDIENCE!"

"Allow me to introduce Brass, of Promise Town," she said. "Sheriff, prominent member of the Filii Terram--" Brass went 'urk'; the Filii Terram were not the sort of club one bragged about, especially not in the middle of 'Unicorn Central'-- "And a world class boob in his own right!" this elicited a good bit of laughter. "This, Fillies and Gentlecolts, along with his Deputy Piccolo--" Piccolo cringed under his own spotlight-- "And the NOBLE Mayor Granite, Elder of the Filii Terram--" It was hard to tell in the glare but one could guess that the blood was draining from Mayor Granite's face--- "Yes, these three gentleponies led the way for their entire town...

"Abandoning two foals to their deaths in timberwolf-infested woods," Trixie continued, her amplified voice suddenly dropping to a chilly monotone. "Because, after all, they were just worthless half-bloods. " Trixie strutted across the stage. "Oh yes. Dear Jasper here, before his ascension, was a unicorn orphan in the Sheriff's racist little mudhole in the road. He-- and a unicorn filly, the daughter of a traveling mailmare--" she waved to a grey pegasus hovering in the back with her daughter on her back--"were abandoned to their doom by these, brave, heroic, stallionly stallions for the crime of being... well, anything but an earth pony." She leaned down over the edge of the stage, staring Brass in the eye. "Were it not for him blackmailing me into doing his job for him, they would have died. I took the orphan his town despised under my wing, and left his wretched hive of bigots. In vengeance he has pursued me across the length and breadth of Equestria, hounding me... for fear that I might reveal the unsavory truth about him."

She smiled. "Whoops."

"YOU SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE, YOU NO-ACCOUNT FRAUD!" Brass bellowed. "You're going away for so long you'll be an old mare by the time you see daylight again! Arrest her, you idiots!" The deputies found their nerve again and started moving again. But before any of them could reach the stage, there was a sound of hundreds of beating wings. Out of the sky dropped dozens of royal guards, their armor gleaming in the sun. They landed with a clash of armor, taking positions around the crowd and in front of the stage.

"Halt!" one of them said. "Day Watch. What goes on here?"

Sheriff Brass went from seething to smug. Now this nag would see what it meant to mess with an officer of the law! "Officer, I am Sheriff Brass of Promise Town. Arrest this no-account! She is a wanted criminal! A fugitive from justice all over Equestria!"

"My that is a serious charge," said a voice from above. Startled, everypony looked up. It was Celestia's chariot, hovering above the crowd, Celestia herself reclining within. The crowd parted, opening a landing space. Everypony bowed hastily. She regarded the portly sheriff. "You were saying?" Only those that knew her well would know there was something off about her Pony Lisa smile at the moment.

Sheriff Brass got to his hooves and stuck his chest out. "Ma'am, er, Your Majesty, this mare is a wanted felon, a fugitive from justice. She is guilty of breach of contract, illegal performance, transport of illegal goods-- them fireworks-- across county lines... slander..." he gave Trixie a hateful glare from the corner of his eye. "abducting a foal, corruption of minors--and that colt is an accomplice..."

Celestia held up a hoof. "You need say no more." She looked to the guard, her smile gone. "Officer, do your duty and arrest the miscreants."

"Hah!" Brass crowed... just as the hoofcuffs locked around his cannons. "What?!" He looked around; his deputies and the good Mayor as well were being cuffed.

Celestia leaned toward him. She was no longer smiling. "Sheriff, I already have spoken with Trixie Lulamoon and her ward. And I have by my own means confirmed her version of what happened in the little town of Promise. So let me give you the short list," she said. "Dereliction of duty--- you've abandoned your post for most of a YEAR, Sheriff--- child endangerment, libel, slander, swearing out false arrest warrants, filing false charges, exercising your civil authority outside your jurisdiction, harassment of a private citizen... interfering with the mail..." she waved to Derpy, who waved back. "Oh my, I do believe you, FORMER Sheriff of Promise, are going to be spending a great deal of time in the legal system on the other side of the bars."

Sheriff Brass gaped at her. He started gibbering. "This, but this this this is ridiculous! She's a criminal! I know her background-- she's guilty of unleashing an Ursa Major on a civilian population center--"

"Actually it was two local colts who did that," Celestia said, idly examining a hoof. "She was exonerated."

"She used an illegal dark magic artifact.. nearly destroyed a town..."

"The Alicorn Amulet was not, at the time, illegal," Celestia retorted, buffing her hoof and examining it again. "And as she was not in her right mind under its influence. She was given a full pardon by the Crown."

Ex-Sheriff Brass gabbled. He pointed at Trixie and Jasper with his cuffed hooves. "They're standing right there impersonating royalty!!!"

It was Celestia's next word that dropped the world out from under his hooves. She looked up from her hoof, feigning surprise.

"...Impersonating?"

"Ah, that's right, Sheriff," Trixie chipped in from the stage. "Tested, and confirmed. Jasper and I ascended. We really are an alicorn Princess and Prince. "

"Oh, Princess Lulamoon," Celestia said as Sheriff Brass went eeeeeeeeee. "I'm sorry I arrived late. I did want to be on time for such a novel and entertaining royal coming out."

"Think nothing of it, Prin-- ahem, Celestia," Trixie said loftily. Celestia chuckled and nodded in approval. "If anypony knows the value of a fashionably late and stylish entrance, it is the Great and Powerful Trixie. Princess. Princess Trixie. Oh poo," she said, sticking out her tongue. "It just doesn't rrrrrroll quite right anymore..."

Celestia laughed at the new Princess' antics, then turned her attention back to the cuffed and bewildered ponies being lined up before her. "Sheriff, Mayor, it's basically like this," she said gently. "You've both been sacked. Canned. Deep Sixed. Fired with extreme prejudice. You are no longer civil servants, and are probably going to jail. I will be appointing a new interim Mayor for your town, along with Sheriff, Secretary, Treasurer, and any other office I deem fit all the way down to street sweeper and dog catcher. After, oh, five years, we'll see if your town of Promise is capable of handling electing new town officials.

"All ponies have the inalienable right to freedom of association--- to buy, sell, trade, neighbor, fellowship, or NOT do those things, with any pony they wish, and no matter what anyone else thinks of their reasons for doing so. You were perfectly in your rights to go off and make your own little community for yourself and likeminded ponies, and to insist that you not be bothered by those who were not. But your right to swing your hoof ends where other ponies' noses begin. You violated countless laws to persecute two innocent ponies, and your racially motivated dereliction of duty nearly cost two foals their lives. The Filii Terram is a foalish hate group filled with bitter racist ponies too stupid to grasp basic pony genetics, and I won't tolerate any town in Equestria being run by them."

Deputy Piccolo spoke up, cowering. "Bu-- but why? What do you have against ponies who just want to keep their blood lines pure?"

She gently pulled the Mayor, the Sheriff, and the Deputy in close with one wing. "You silly, silly ponies," she said, pityingly, with the air of someone explaining something to a very simpleminded child. "You despise innocent ponies for having a mixed heritage. What do you suppose MY parentage was?"

 

---

The very emotionally bedraggled criminals were finally dragged away. Celestia was speaking quietly with her two new little alicorns off to one side. Trixie.... was shaking with silent laughter. "Whatever is wrong, Trixie?" Celestia said, puzzled.

"I know I'm an alicorn now," Trixie sniggered hysterically, her eyes squeezed shut and her face frozen in an absolutely villainous grin as she relived the expression on Sheriff Brass' face. "But I feel like such a little weasel...!"

Celestia started giggling herself. The expressions on their faces when she told them she was from a mixed heritage... Common sense would tell you that any alicorn alive came from a different parentage than their race. Were ponies truly so simple? "Well, I do hope you feel up to continuing with the performance," Celestia said, "as unconventional as it is, as a coming out party it certainly beats yet another coronation." There were surely nobles throwing a screaming fit elsewhere of course, but they were few and far between. After coronating six princesses simultaneously, even the most devout traditionalist in Canterlot was kind of sick of the whole thing.

"The Fabulous Princess Trixie--- oo that one works--- and her illustrious assistant, passing up a stage?" Trixie said. "Haha! It is to laugh. Come, Jasper!" She leapt back onto the stage... then she and her adopted son turned and bowed to the reclining Sun Princess, glitter-dusted wings spread and horns lowered. "And... thank you."

"No," Celestia said softly. "Thank you." She sat back in her chariot as Prince Jasper and Princess Lulamoon took the center stage.

Softly, Sunset Shimmer crept up beside her. "So, teach," she said shyly, "How'd I do?"

Celestia chuckled and motioned for her erstwhile pupil to join her in the chariot. "Very good," she said. "-- for your first outing," she added with a wink.

"AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE GREATEST MAGIC SHOW IN EQUESTRIA--- WITH PRINCE JASPER AND PRINCESS LULAMOOOOOON!"

"Well this is...." Twilight chuckled, chagrined.

"...Awkward," Rainbow Dash finished for her.

"Isn't it though," the newly crowned Princess Lulamoon said. She held her stiff pose where she sat for a moment longer, then reclined with a sigh before the magic mirror array, settling comfortably into the bedpillows. "Fie on it all. I'll be the first to say it; could we just let bygones be bygones? Back in, back in Ponyville I was..." she cleared her throat before continuing; "I was wrong for the things I did, took things too far... I'm willing to drop it all and start fresh if you are."

There was a certain air of relief in the muted responses.  "Like a wise old pony said, 'holdin' a grudge is like drinkin' poison and waitin' for the other pony to die,'" Applejack said. Her horn winked with light briefly. She gave a little twitch as her Element nudged her, and looked a little chagrined. "And... aw shoot, my Element ain't going to let it slide, is it?"

At Trixies' mystified expression, Celestia explained. "The six of them are... well, suffice it to say that they were the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony before their ascendance. Now as alicorns they are avatars of those Elements, embodying them... It makes them unique, even among alicorns. (My how strange it is to say that...) What dear Applejack is saying is that her own Element of Honesty...is giving her a bit of a nudge to be more honest about how events transpired." Celestia's voice turned a trifle wry at that. "Would that be a fair summary, Princess Applejack?"

Applejack grumbled and ducked her head behind her hatbrim. "Shoot," she said again. "You're right, Princess. We didn't exactly come out smelling like roses ourselves when we first met Trixie either." She sighed and raised her head to look Trixie's reflection square in the eye. "You may have been a showoff, but you were puttin' on a show. An' all of us were out there hecklin' you an' all but jumpin' out of our horseshoes for a chance to show you up. I woulda tanned Applebloom's tail for actin' the way we did. I'm sorry." Her delivery was straightforward, civil and polite; it wasn't courtly manners but it was more manners than most of the court would have shown.

"Yeah, I wanna apologize too," Rainbow Dash said. She flushed. "I just wanted to take you down a peg. Didn't think about how it felt-- not till it happened to me." Her memory flashed back to a purple-caped figure.

Trixie chose to reciprocate. "Trixie accepts your apologies," she said formally. She rubbed her forehooves together awkwardly. She was aware she was slipping into third person, but it was an old habit when she got nervous or intimidated. "Trixie would extend one as well. She had-- spent a long time playing the flamboyant blowhard as part of her act and... she... lost herself in the role, somewhat," she admitted with surprising meekness. "And the Amulet... believe me, when she found it, all she wanted was to rank up her magic a bit so she could start putting on better shows. But once she put it on...." she cast her eyes down. "She is... I am... sorry."

"As you said, darling," Rarity said. "What's in the past is in the past. We're, well we're practically family now."

"Maker save us all," Trixie said dryly. The others giggled.

Twilight crossed her forehooves and leaned in. "So tell us what you've been up to since you left Ponyville last," she said. "Celestia told us the basics, but I get the feeling there's a lot of details she left out.  I understand you're a mother now?"

"Adoptive," Trixie corrected.  "Thanks to Princess Celestia and Princess Sunset Shimmer, the paperwork went through the day after they found us." A look of contentment crossed her face. "Jasper was so happy."

"Well, he's got to be excited," Spike said. The adolescent dragon was sitting next to Twilight, "taking the minutes" of their meeting. "First alicorn prince of Equestria. Um, well, technically second, after Prince Shining Armor. Or does he not count because he's in the Crystal Empire?" He put his quill to his lip, thinking it over.

Celestia and Trixie looked at one another. Celestia gave an absolutely impish giggle. "Going by how the press are taking to him, our new Prince Jasper wins by a landslide."

"The latest media darling, huh?" Twilight chuckled.

"See for yourself. Oh, new trick with the mirrors, Twilight..." Celestia levitated up her compact and tapped it to her mirror.

Her image vanished and was replaced by a slightly shaky image of the view from a balcony. It took the watchers a moment to realize they were seeing a playback of something viewed from the perspective of the compact as it hung around the wearer's neck(1). The view changed as Celestia turned, to reveal a young colt standing next to her. He had apparently been groomed to within an inch of his life. He was wearing a short royal purple cloak of impeccable cut that just covered his shoulders between his wings, and a thin golden circlet on his brow. His hooves were polished, his russet red coat gleamed, and his purple mane had slicked back in a pompadour, making the horn on his brow stand out all the more. He stood tall and proud, carried his head high and kept a calm, regal expression on his face.

"Oh, he's going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up," Cadence cooed.

"Going to be?" Celestia quipped. At Cadence's curious look she just chuckled.

"Too bad he's too young for you, Lulu," Pinkie said sympathetically, patting her traveling partner on the shoulder.

"Pinkie--!"

"He's certainly got the royal bearing down quickly," Rarity commented.

Trixie waved a hoof. "We do a lot of short skits in our shows: HoofSpear, Mane of La Mancha, the Hearthwarming, all the classics," she said. "I told him to mix a little King Lament with a touch of a Tale of Two Princes... the tragically noble one that is."

In the mirror view, Celestia could be heard asking, "nervous?" Jasper caught his breath and nodded, briefly. "No need to be," Celestia reassured him. The view turned back, till the viewers were looking down over the rail of the balcony. The courtyard below, a touch out of focus, was a teeming throng.

There was a brief fanfare. "Welcome, My Little Ponies," Celestia said. "I am glad you are all here today." There was a round of cheers and applause. "It is my pleasure to finally grant your request for an audience, so that you could meet your newest prince. Would you like to meet him?"

The shouts of "yes," were loud, enthusiastic, and oddly high pitched.

"Then I present to you, Prince Jasper, Alicorn of Flame," she said. She stepped aside. Jasper stepped up on the dais and looked down over the courtyard, head high, mane teased lightly in the breeze, circlet gleaming, as regal in bearing as if he'd been to the manner born.

The courtyard exploded into hysterical screams.

"What the sam hill...?" Applejack spoke for them all.

Celestia's compact mirror apparently finally drifted into focus, revealing the courtyard below packed from end to end... with fillies. Unicorn and earth pony fillies waving signs and banners decorated with hearts and kisses, pegasus and batpony fillies giving the cordon of royal guards fits as they tried to fly up closer to the balcony, even a sea pony or two going into hysterics in the fountain. Scattered among the masses were a few adults with the longsuffering expressions of world-weary parents, but they were a vanishing minority.

"Allow me to present," said the real-time Celestia with wry amusement, "the Prince Jasper Fan Club."

The poor overwhelmed colt in the recording looked frozen in terror, his eyes round as balloons. Heroically, he put back on the aloof mask he'd been wearing and waved to the shrieking crowds. This only redoubled the hysteria.

"It would seem that the dear boy photographs nicely. He became the darling of the press the moment he and Trixie made their debut." Celestia went on as the image faded. "He can't seem to walk past a balcony or window in the castle without some mob of fillies starting a ruckus." It was doubtful any of those watching the recording even heard her; they were all laughing so hard at Jasper's expression in the image they were in danger of choking.

Trixie merely lounged back and feigned a sigh of annoyance. "It figures," she said to noone in particular. "Trixie gets all the way to Canterlot Castle, only to be upstaged by her assistant--!"

There was a groan from offscreen. "Aww, Princess Celestia," Jasper whined, "did you have to show them that...?" Good natured teasing and chivvying brought him out from hiding. He stood in front of the mirrors, blushing and looking like he wanted to disappear while the mares cooed and chuckled over him. He bore up under it, though. It was easy to see that under all the embarrassment he was pleased at the positive attention-- after a cruel foalhood full of hateful attention from the Filii Terram, more than one of them realized with a sad start, it must have been a wondrous change. He had no way of knowing it, but at that moment he gained a circle of adoring foster aunts, and heaven help any bully, brute or bigot who tried to lay a hoof on him.

"Already popular with the fillies, huh?" Dash teased. Jasper grumbled something and flopped down next to his mother, his face flaming.

"Not just the fillies, either," Trixie chipped in. She smirked slyly at Jasper, and made duck lips at him. "The maids and the court ladies think he's just adowwable."

"Mom--!"

"Got a kiss on the cheek from no less than Fleur De Lis," Celestia said.

"The fashion model? Dates Fancy Pants? Dude!" Spike exclaimed. The little dragon gave the mirror a thumbs up. Jasper buried his face in his forehooves, but there was no hiding the grin inching across his face.

After the laughter died down, Twilight spoke up. "So will you and Jasper... be joining the search?" she said.

"Actually, no," Trixie said apologetically. "Her maj-- ahem, Celestia-- thinks it would be better if we stayed in Canterlot and, well--" she fluttered her wingtips.  "took some time to smooth off some of our rough edges." She lowered her eyes a bit. "A life in front of the footlights does not exactly a royal debutante make."

"Plus," she added, "I would like to give Jasper... a little more stability than we've had these last couple of years. A regular roof over our heads, and maybe a chance to get him caught up on his education---"

"Nrrrgh. School," Jasper grumbled.

"Oh, it won't be so bad," Celestia reassured him. "There are more than a few colts and fillies here in the castle who need schooling, so we have a tutor for them all. Noble pony's children, and servants and staff too-- you'll fit in quite well with them. And one little filly in particular who's mother just got promoted to the royal delivery service...I believe you know her?"

"Dinky?" Jasper perked up immediately. Maybe going back to school wouldn't be so bad after all.

"As for me, outside my ah, sprucing up on my courtly etiquette," Trixie said, "Sunset Shimmer wants to work with me and study my illusions technique." She preened a little bit. "She says she's never seen such intricate or stunningly effective illusions, and the way they interacted with my natural alicorn obfuscation field... well, my methods may provide a clue in how to find alicorns that are still in hiding, or methods they may be using to amplify their own anonymity."

Twilight made a sound of curiosity. "Really? I would like to look at your notes myself, if you get a chance to send them to me..."

Trixie actually grinned a little. "Oooh, the legendary Twilight Sparkle wants to read MY notes?" She clapped her hooves together. "How gratifying!" Then she frowned. "How will I mail them to you, though?" she said. "You're on that tour..."

Twilight facehoofed. "Right, that is a problem...."

Rainbow Dash looked up. "Oh, well why don't you just--"

"Maybe if I sent a copy ahead to your next stop?" Trixie said.

"But guys, you can just--" Rainbow said.

"I'm not sure where you'd deliver them," Twilight said. "We do get postal stopovers, but scheduling them is so complicated...

"Surely the captain of the ship has mail for his crew?" Rarity interjected.

"Yes, but it's always had those problems, I'm told," Twilight said, chewing her lip. "It's one of the oldest problems plagueing the Equestrian Military. Mail getting misrouted, or lost... even with pegasus couriers it's a mess--"

"Guys..."

"Well what about--"

GUYS!" Everypony finally stopped talking and looked at Rainbow Dash. Wordlessly, the former pegasus finished writing something on a sheet of paper and then slapped it up against the glass.

 

 

 

 

OR

 

 

 

YOU COULD

 

 

 

DO THIS

 

Everypony stared, openmouthed. Then there were facehooves all around. "So... obvious..." Twilight groaned. "But how would we save--"

"Camera," Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh. Of course." Twilight rubbed her chin. "Maybe Quick Quill's Tracing Cantrip will work, too..."

Luna crowed with delight. "Won't the Captains of our proud armed forces hail this boon to their communications, Sister!" she said. "Brilliant, dear Rainbow!"

"And what it will mean for the private sector as well, when the mirrors trickle their way down to them," Celestia said. "Indeed, well done, Princess Rainbow."

Rainbow polished a hoof against her chest. "Hey, maybe you didn't notice, but I do have my moments," she said.

"So where are you all off to now, my little ponies?" Celestia finally asked.

"Oh, We're going to be arriving at our first stop soon," Fluttershy said. "The nature preserve at the Unicorn Mountains. The Colt Scout Jamboree is being held there this year." She clapped her hooves and gave a little squee. "Oh, it's going to be so wonderful seeing all those young ponies, watching them experience nature for the first time..."

Awkward glances, sly looks, and amused grimaces were exchanged.  Fluttershy was shy and sweet and demure and it was a source of perpetual bafflement to her friends as to how she could remain utterly oblivious to the absolute chaos she could wreak on the male population merely by walking in their midst. Then again, that chaotic potential was probably what made Discord's friendship with her possible...

More than one mare present quietly yet visibly reflected on the dynamics of several hundred awkward young colts just hitting puberty, a few dozen gung-ho woodsy stallion troop leaders, and one of the top five former supermodels in Equestria--- who also happened to be the most timid, easily panicked and gun-shy mare in the Equestrian hemisphere--- out in the wilderness together. Visions of everything from runaway male braggadocio to panicked stampedes flashed through everypony's mind. "Oh boy," was the murmured verdict from Spike..

"And the Filly Scout Jamboree will be joining us in a day or so too," Fluttershy added. "Oh, it's going to be so exciting!"

"Exciting is... ONE word I could use," Celestia murmured.

A few hundred fillies, plus a few hundred colts, all of whom were vaccilating back and forth on whether the other side all had cooties. Throwing one nature-loving ravishing beauty into the middle was going to be like tossing a breath mint into a jug of diet cola. Twilight Sparkle silently rounded her estimate of the potential mayhem up by a factor of ten. Another awful thought bubbled to the surface. "Um... are you worried about getting along with-- well, I mean, the animals out in the Unicorn Range aren't exactly as familiar with ponies as the ones in Ponyville or Canterlot. They might be a little, well, reluctant to make friends..." She winced as she said it.

Memories of the Canterlot elite fleeing for their lives from the stampeding menagerie-- or perhaps from the raging, screaming beauty in their wake-- flitted across several minds. "Oh boy." This time it was Celestia who muttered it.

Fluttershy blushed at the inadvertent reminder of her little 'incident' at the Grand Galloping Gala. "Oh, I know," she said. "But I've gotten better since... that time at the gala. And I'm pretty sure I know what went wrong that time..."

Not every pony looked concerned. Dash, for one, had an expression on her face that was positively evil. "Hey Flutters? You have a staff photographer, right?"

Fluttershy nodded. "I tend to avoid her, though," she confessed.

Dash's smile would have scared the Devil. "That's cool. Just be sure and tell her to take lots and lots of photos of the Jamboree."

Fluttershy smiled. "Oh I will. I'm sure we'll be talking about this Jamboree for years to come."

"Strewth," Luna said, carefully not meeting Fluttershy's eye.  

"AAaaaand so where are you and my sister headed next, Pinkie Pie?" Celestia eagerly changed the topic.

"Oh we've been cruising slow and easy," Pinkie Pie said. "Dropping "happy coronation" party balloons and favors and cupcakes whenever we pass over a town..."

Rarity looked puzzled. "How do you 'drop' balloons?" she pondered.

"You tie 'em to the cupcakes," Pinkie clarified.

"Ah, of course."

"Anyway, our first stop is sort of de riguer for any proper professional party pony," Pinkie said. "Maredi Gras. There'll be parades and dancing and food and they'll pick the King of Fat Shoesday and there'll be food and drinks and cakes with little dollies baked in them--" She gave the Princess of the Night a neck-cracking hug. "Ooooo, we're gonna have so much FUN!"

"Which means you and I shall be crossing paths," Rarity said with a smile. "As I am already right in the heart of Maredi Gras territory. Only befitting that two of we 'Mane Six,' as the ponies have taken to calling us, come together to celebrate little Necturus' coronation." She tittered. "The mayor of Neigh Orleans is in a giddy fit; they're going to fit Mudpuppy's coronation into the festivities. It seems 'King Felix' is going to be accompanied in the Grand Parade by a genuine princess this year."

"Where have you and Luna been, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, puzzled. "If Neigh Orleans was your first stopoff, shouldn't you and Rarity have arrived at the same time?"

"Celebrating National Pickle Week in Vinegar Stills," Luna deadpanned. "Woo, what a party." She tapped a jar next to her hoof. "Whereas that noble city hath but one major product, namely Vinegar, they make the most of it. Ne'er had I any notion that so many things are, or could be, pickled. Cucumbers, eggs, beets, watermelon, carrots, mangoes, lemons, peppers---"

"Ooo, pickled peppers?" Celestia said. "Send me some?"

Luna stuck out her tongue and wrinkled her nose. "Thee and thy cravings..."

"We shipped you a whole sampler crate," Pinkie said. "I picked out them all myself for you, Celly."

"So Pinkie Pie picked the Princess a pack of pickled produce?"  Spike said, grinning. Twilight gave him a longsuffering look.

"Don't say that again," she said. "Just... don't."

"Say it again? I'm not even sure I can write it!"

"YYYeah. As for me and my crew, same old, same old," Rainbow Dash said. "Heading out to do a show at Windy City. I'm kinda looking forward to it... there aren't that many pegasus cities that are actually built on the ground."

"That's only because Windy City, like its sister city Misty Mountain, sits on a mountain so tall it pokes up through the cloudline," Twilight pointed out. "It has a permanent ring of clouds around it and--"

"And totally mackin' updrafts and windcurrents, yeah," Rainbow Dash agreed. "Can't wait to feel that wind through my primaries. And they have all sorts of extreme sports out there, too. Any alicorn with a pegasus background... or just an itch in their wings... is gonna be out there. Shoot, there are tons of earth ponies and unicorns there just for the parasailing."

Applejack shuddered. "They're welcome to it. This Earth Pony is just fine with her hooves on solid earth-- or good sturdy oak planks."

"Hm. As I recall, they also have the second largest unicorn academy in Equestria there, after the one in Canterlot," Twilight said. "That increases the odds of finding an alicorn immensely."

"I gotta ask: what is it with unicorns and mountains, anyway?" Applejack said. " Canterlot, the Castle of the Pony Sisters up on that bluff-- Even Princess Platinum lived in a castle up on a mountaintop, way back when."

"Oh, that's just Rincewind Arcology Syndrome," Rarity said with a wave of her hoof.

Applejack gave her a bemused look. "Beg pardon?"

"She's right," Twilight said, giving a slightly embarrassed smile. "It's a sort of nesting instinct that affects unicorns, particularly ones that specialize heavily in arcane research like myself." She flapped a wing. "Or... unicorn like I used to be. Anyway. We have this sort of overpowering instinct to find a location to do all our magic in, fortify it, and build vertically. The higher the better."

"Like wizard towers," Spike offered helpfully.

Several ponies went "ohhh" as they got the idea. "And castles on mountaintops," Dash said.

"Castles with lots of towers, I might note," Celestia added with a chuckle.

"And trees with libraries in them?" Applejack said, with an amused look at Twilight. "Or book forts?"

Twilight nodded and sighed. "Or observatories at the top of towers," she said, remembering back to her quarters in the palace. "All unicorns are susceptible to the urge to some degree. If you look at Carousel Boutique, Rarity's bedroom is right at top, in that little cupola tower thingy. They say Starswirl the Bearded had it so bad he couldn't sleep away from home unless he built a pillow-fort on top of a stack of barrels. The going theory for the reason is that our ancestors got tired of the other tribes sneaking up behind them and popping paper bags while they were trying to study the workings of the universe." She shrugged. "Anyway... how are things going with you, Applejack?"

"Oh, highs and lows, I suppose," Applejack chuckled. "The Cherry Jamboree went well. No alicorn sightin's, though. And Applebloom had a bit of a rough time. Bit of a ruckus involvin' a beekeeper an' some colt's hat..."

The story earned chuckles and moans of sympathy from the listeners. "Poor filly," Rarity said. "No offense, Applejack dear, but she does seem to have a rather touchy stomach for a pony from your family's line of work."

Applejack smiled ruefully. "She's usually fine about most stuff," she said. "I mean, she'll dive into most mucky farm stuff, no problem. But then somepony'll hit her from a direction she wasn't expectin', and..." she shrugged. "It'll be a few days afore she'll look sideways at a jar o' honey, but she'll get over it. Leastways it wasn't as bad as when she learned about where milk came from. She wouldn't touch it for weeks. She finally came around, though."

"Lemme guess," Pinkie said with a knowing look. "Slice of chocolate cake?"

"Bingo."

"Wait'll she hears about mushrooms," Jasper muttered.

"She knows," Applejack said. "She got over it." She paused. "Big Mac ain't, though.... he still leaves the room when we order a pizza." She sighed. "Anyhow, our next whistle stop is a farm tool convention over in Little Bighorn. I ain't expecting much in the way of alicorn activity there, but you never know."

"And I... might have a lead," Twilight said. She looked a touch apprehensive. "But I'm going to have to be a bit... unconventional about investigating it... " she rubbed her hooves over one another, like a foal getting ready to ask for something she wasn't sure she could have.

"Go on," Celestia said, curious.

"Well I was doing a tour of the Manehattan Museum of Natural History," Twilight said, the words tumbling out. "--Such an amazing place! and what they have on display is just the tip of the iceberg... miles and miles of tunnels and storerooms full of artifacts and archives and exhibits... and, while the director was showing me around, I stumbled across-- or rather, Flash Sentry stumbled across--" she grimaced in annoyance. She'd told him to keep his hooves to himself... "Some data about unusual goings-on in a little place known as Hollow Shades.

"Very strange things, in fact. It's an old community, very secretive and apparently has a very, um, rich and vivid folklore. Ghosts, specters, strange incidents, inexplicable phenomena, reports of strange creatures, that sort of thing. They sent out researchers, even a couple of paranormal investigators, but... well, what they found was inconclusive.

"There's not much to go on, but Flash Sentry says something about the reports sets off his instincts..."

"And you trust his instincts?" Celestia said.

Twilight bit her lip. "I'm... learning to," she admitted. More truthfully, she thought silently to herself, was that she'd found herself arguing with him about it-- and rational or not, she'd caught herself sounding an awful lot like when she'd argued with Pinkie Pie about her Pinky Sense. Call it irrational but she wasn't willing to make the same mistake twice, even if it was entirely by chance. "Sometimes you have to accept that other ponies have instincts you don't, I guess. Besides, a wild hunch is better than nothing to follow."

"So what do you mean by 'unconventional'?" Celestia pressed.

"I'm not going to take the zeppelin in," she said. "The ponies there are reportedly reclusive and skittish, and they might not react well to a zeppelin full of guards and royalty bombing out of the sky on them. I'm going to go in, um, well, alone. Mostly."

"Alone?" Celestia sounded concerned.

"Mostly. Just myself and a couple of guards, undercover. We'll be posing as Equineology students from the Manehattan University. They've seen one or two students there before so we shouldn't be too alarming. A couple of panniers over my wings and I'm just another unicorn undergraduate studying the local folklore."

Celestia frowned, but nodded. "One request, please, Twilight. Well, two, actually."

"Anything, Princess," came the automatic reply.

"Bring Spike with you." Spike sat up and saluted smartly.

"Spike?" Twilight started to protest. "But he's--"

"A baby dragon, yes, I know," Celestia said with a sigh. "But more to the point, dear Twilight, he's a baby DRAGON. He's magic resistant, has scales like armor plating, can bite through diamonds, wade through molten rock and breathes fire. You really do underestimate him," Celestia chided.

"Spike, listen to me. I know you've spent your life being as careful as you can be to not hurt others. But over the centuries I've heard some of the legends coming out of Hollow Shades myself, and I am asking you-- no, telling you-- if you or Twilight are in danger, do not hold back."

"Are you sure?" Spike asked hesitantly.

"Cuts and bites and breaks and burns can be mended, Spike," Celestia said gently. "But nothing can mend the regret of inaction. Yes, I am sure."

Spike nodded. "I understand," he said.

Celestia addressed her former student. "As for my second request: Make sure that Flash Sentry is one of the ponies who accompanies you."

Twilight frowned. "Specifically him? Why? I know he's Captain of my Guard, but won't he be needed back on the ship to--"

"I know you dislike his somewhat slapdash approach to paperwork and organization, Twilight," Celestia interrupted, making Twilight blush. "But I have been routinely impressed with his instincts in a crisis. It is no fluke; he has senses and instincts, keen as any razor blade, that would do a veteran guard thrice his age proud. He expects the unexpected, and I would have no other pony to watch your back." She dimpled. "I wasn't just trying to play cupid when I promoted him to your Captain, Twilight. "

Twilight humphed indignantly. Her and Flash Sentry? Ridiculous. Nevertheless she nodded. Spoken aloud or not, she couldn't help feel a little safer knowing that the Captain of the Guard was going to be at her back.

"Very well, my little Ponies," Celestia said. "All of you, I wish you good luck. And be careful!"

 

---

1)Celestia had replaced one of the gems in her peytral with a notch for her magic mirror compact. It wasn't a GoPro, but it did the job.

Daring Do carefully turned the crystal box between her hooves, scrutinizing it closely through a jeweler's loupe. "Anyway," she said. "It's about what I figured..."

"And that would be?" Celestia said, carefully holding her patience.

Daring pushed aside an armload of archaeologist's tools and set the box down on the worktable in front of her. The cavern below the Castle of the Two Sisters had become quite cluttered since her arrival at the Princess' behest. "Well, yer Maj, let's start with the basics," she said, tipping her pith helmet back. "First off, we know the Tree of Harmony is an artifact predating yourself and your sister and even Discord by.. well, there are records of it going as far back as there are records. There are even cave paintings of it."

"An artifact?" Celestia's mirror-image swam briefly.

Daring nodded. "Made by who knows who--- some legends say one ancient civilization, some say another. Some say the Maker himself, shortly after the beginning of the world. But no, definitely an artifact."

"And how does one determine that?" Celestia said, both skeptical and curious. "As opposed to it being, say, a natural living thing?"

"Put in layponies' terms, The same way you know a funny-shaped rock isn't just a funny shaped rock, but a tool-- it has a handle," Daring Do said.  She held up an arrowhead dangling from a thong around her neck. "Or grooves for a handle, anyway. The Tree of Harmony may look like a tree, but the way it behaves says 'tool.' Something made to be used by ponies. It pops out six magic necklaces, then a magic six-sided box? It's as obvious as a tree that sprouts teaspoons."

Celestia nodded. "Agreed," she said. "I just felt it necessary to play the arbitrary skeptic."

Daring Do nodded in acknowledgment, back to staring at the box. "Any way, it's obvious purpose is to serve as a way to maintain and restore harmony, duh. Keeping everything in balance. That's what it's been doing for the Everfree, after all."

Celestia frowned. "I would hardly call the Everfree harmonious," she said in disapproval.

Daring Do looked up and grinned at the princess. "Really?" she said. " 'The plants grow without anypony. The animals take care of themselves. And the clouds move-- all on their own,' " she recited. "An entire forest that lives and grows and thrives, perfectly balanced against itself,  without anypony there to care for it. Think about it."

Celestia's mouth formed an "o" of surprise. "That's right," Daring Do said. "I've been all over the world, Princess; in deserts and jungles and swamps and grasslands and everything in between; places where no pony-- or any other being--- has ever been. Most of the world is more like the Everfree than it was ever like Equestria. The precipitation cycle, the food chain....there's more than one kind of harmony out there, and they have nothing to do with the work of ponies." She tapped the trunk of the Tree, eliciting a chiming note.

"Of course after Nightmare Moon, the Tree of Harmony sensed you and all the other ponies leaving, and re-started the natural ecosystem here. Since you weren't using the territory anymore, and all. When the Plunder Vines attacked, that threw the Everfree's cycles out of whack, so it needed the power of the Elements back to restore balance."

"I...see," Celestia said, fascinated. She and Luna had been foals when Discord had risen to power; all she had known was either Discord's uncontrolled chaos, or Equestria's carefully groomed order. She had known of other lands where nature was not so finely controlled, but had never occurred to her that Equestria might be the exception, rather than the rule-- or that such places might have their own sort of harmonious balance. This would bear much thinking about.

Daring Do went on. "Anyway, the Tree's purpose is to encourage Harmony all around it. I figure the Elements were designed as a sort of.... detachable tool, for 'spot-cleaning.' When a serious disharmony pops up, you take the Elements from the Tree, go find the problem, and Friendship Beam the stuffing out of it. Like you did with Discord and Nightmare Moon.

"Of course the drawback is that they're kind of crude; really broad-brush, brute-force. Point 'em at the disharmony, and they do the first thing that pops into their heads to fix that particular problem. Or.... as close to whatever pops into the bearer's heads, maybe. Like turning a chaos entity to stone and a broad-spectrum spell-undo over the surrounding area. Or... well, in your case... they probably sensed you didn't want to hurt Princess Luna or imprison her in stone, you just wanted to contain her. So it picked 'banishment' instead."

Celestia felt the need to move the conversation back to the original topic. "And... what about the box?" she pressed.

"One track mind, huh?" Daring Do said with a smirk. "Well, first off I'd say this means the Tree shows Lemurian influences in its design."

"The Lemurians?"

"The Lemurians. Or... maybe the Lemurians were influenced by the tree..." Daring shook her head. "Anyway, your ancient Lemurians were big on making powerful artifacts, devices and weapons, but they were also big on really redundant safety features. They were the first culture to create combination locks and safety triggers."

"Very cautious, were they?" Celestia said.

"Eh, you have to know your Lemurs. Paranoid little primates." Daring Do shrugged. "The Elements? Very Lemurian design mentality. Think about it: a harmony super-weapon that requires at least two to six bearers who embody the six principles encoded in the gems. All of them have to be in agreement for it to work, and if any of the Bearers tries to use their Elements against another Bearer, they cease to work for those Bearers permanently. That's a lot of safety features.

"And from what your apprentice Sunset Shimmer tells me, on the other side of the scale there was even an emergency fallback. If one of the Elements was separated from the others-- say by taking it into a pocket or parallel dimension, or by one of them being deactivated somehow--- it would unlock certain default abilities that the Bearer could use. She says that's why she came back to Equestria. She was planning on stealing the Element of Magic, to use back in that world. There are other ways to trigger those independent abilities I'm sure, but once she went back through that magic mirror, it would be totally separated from the others and would unlock its emergency backup powers for her." She shrugged. "Since it was the Element of Magic, it just opened up a generic magic booster. The others probably had Element-specific special abilities, but no telling, now that they've re-merged with the tree.

"And this this box? That just screams ancient Lemurian influence." Daring nodded confidently, holding the box in one hoof.

"How so?"

Daring Do turned the box. "I made a few preemptive attempts to open the box... before rethinking it, that is... and learned a few things. Six pre Greco-Roamin thaumatic style locks, each with a different key. Pick-proof. Internally aligned so that all six keys have to be inserted, and turned simultaneously. Those are the kind of safeguards the Lemurians put on their most powerful and dangerous artifacts. As powerful as the Elements of Harmony were? Safe to say, whatever's in this box is most likely an upgrade."

"More powerful?" Celestia said faintly, alarmed.

Daring Do  looked at the box apprehensively. "Something that the Tree's maker figured needed six simultaneous locks... six MAGICAL locks,... just for safety's sake." She snorted. " I figured that out when it shocked me and shattered my lockpicks; the short nearly blew my fillings out. Smartened up after that and gave it another once-over instead."

Celestia stared at the box through the mirror and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "There's power and there's power," she said. "It can't possibly be any sort of tool of destruction."

"Maybe," muttered Daring Do. "I know what happened the last time the ancient Lemurians used one of their widgets that had six keys."

"What?"

"The continent of Lemuria sank." Daring Do said grimly, adjusting her pith helmet. "Not often I've had to do an archaeological survey in a diving helmet."

"So," Celestia said. "Any clue as to how we unlock it?"

Daring Do stared at the co-ruler of Equestria, her eyebrows tabled. "I get the feeling you're not hearing half of what I'm saying," she said flatly.

"Have a little more faith, Miss Do," Celestia chided, amused. "The Elements proved themselves to be unremitting instruments for good. Whomever created the Tree and all the hidden wonders within it would not replace them with something harmful." She shifted on the divan she lay on. "This is the crux of the matter; do you believe that this box is dangerous?"

Daring Do chewed her lip. "My paranoia wants to say 'yes,' but.... No," she said, finally.

"And why not?"

"Because while its safety features say 'Lemurian,' everything else says 'Not,'" Daring admitted. "While the Elements were powerful, they were still absolutely benevolent. Friendship Beam, remember? They seemed explicitly designed to avoid doing genuine harm, no matter how aggressively used... I read the friendship letters they sent you; they certainly weren't holding back against Nightmare Moon or Discord-- and the Bearers were really cheesed at Discord. Lemurians weren't quite so nicey-nice about what their artifacts could do." She cocked an eyebrow. "Hence, the sunken continent..."

"No, I think the box is... a refinement." She waved a hoof. " 'Like... an upgrade. You've learned to use the simple tools, kid, now let's break out the more advanced stuff.' I know of a couple of master-apprentice traditions that kept their apprentices' "graduation tools" in ornate crystal boxes. It was the first thing I thought of when I saw it."

"A more advanced version of the Elements?" Celestia proposed.

"Heh. Something a bit more than that, I'd guess," Daring Do said.  "See the shape? Irregular polyhedra. Hexagon on top and bottom, six quadrilateral panels around the top, FIVE quadrilateral panels around the bottom, and one triangular(1)--- but see that last panel on the bottom? The odd one out, shaped like a triangle? what what happens when I flip it over." She rolled the box over and flipped it between her hooves.

Celestia blinked. "The triangular panel... it moved!"

Daring Do nodded. "This is a polychoron," she said, holding it up and peering into one of the keyholes. "A folded four-dimensional shape. Last time I saw one of these it was in a collection of artifacts of nigh-cosmic beings; a genie's bottle." She looked up at the mirror and grinned. "Which means it's bigger on the inside. Way, WAY bigger. And as the vertices are all hinges--- ALL of them, which makes no sense except for a four-dimensional object-- I'm guessing it's designed to completely unfold when activated, sorta like a self-inflating raft." She set the box down on the worktable again. "Nice thing is, whatever's inside a four-dimensional box is perfectly safe, even if the container is destroyed. You coulda smashed that genie's bottle to dust and the genie inside would come out totally unharmed. Bigger than life, mad as hell and with all his furniture piled around his ears, but unharmed." She gave a disgruntled snort. "Of course this thing is a trifle tougher than your typical genie bottle. Found that out just poking at it.

"Either way, I'm not sure anypony but the, er, Alicorns of Harmony?" Daring Do pondered the name; Celestia shrugged as if to say 'good a name as any other.' "Well, I don't think anypony but the Alicorns of Harmony can open it. Six locks means six keys.... but I don't recall you saying any keys popped out of that tree with the box. "

"Plus... see these engravings around the sides? This particular repeating pattern? I've seen this in a few tombs and temples in my time-- it generally indicates something like 'test of character.' " She rubbed her chin. "But there's no actual puzzle or riddle on the box itself. So, considering how the Elements were 'unlocked...'

"I wager the new Princesses all have to undergo some sort of epiphany about the virtues they represent. Something to indicate they've reached the next level of enlightenment, or whatever. At which point the latent signature of the Elements still on them will make a key manifest. At which point they have to all come together, insert the keys, and unlock this little party favor to get the crunchy goodness inside."

"Ah, excellent," Celestia said. "So, how long do you think it will take you to circumvent it?"

Daring Do's eyebrows went up. "What? Uh, sorry, Your Sunshinyness, and I know I already sorta jumped the gun a little, but don't you want the new princesses to get the benefit of whatever lesson..."

Celestia interrupted her. "Miss Do, I'm sure you've wondered why I specifically hired you for this particular job. Tell me, at the Temple of the Lesser Sun, how did you get past the accursed locks sealing the sarcophagus?"

"Uh, a bundle of dynamite?" Daring Do winced a bit. She'd gotten an earful about that from the museums; they didn't appreciate her launching chunks of priceless stonework into near orbit.

"And what of the deadly riddle doors in the Maze of Mysteries?"

"I flew over the maze."

"How did you deactivate the Minotaur King's killer golem without the Minotaur crown to control it?"

"It was forty below outside, I just poured water in its gears and let the freeze wrench it apart."

"The cursed plaque of Nunhotep?"

"Sledgehammer... okay I get the point," Daring Do grumbled. "You were looking for a particular kind of problem-solving skillset. But that doesn't exactly answer my question. You REALLY don't mind me trying to crack this thing?"

Celestia gave a sigh and a rueful chuckle. "Miss Do, I recently learned a lesson the hard way," she said. "I learned it takes a real jack-flank to make ponies dance and beg and jump through hoops for something they urgently need, especially when the one playing the game is nothing more than another flawed, finite, limited being like the rest of us. I was so fond of being the mentor, that I forgot that mentors aren't automatically supposed to be cryptic.

"And I find I don't appreciate being made to jump through hoops myself, either. All of Equestria was imperiled more than once because whoever made the Tree and the Elements and the ponies who wrote Prophecies decided to be a cryptic ass about it; I'm not going to tolerate that sort of thing any more.(2) The Mane Six, Equestria itself is going to need whatever is in that box. If we are not 'worthy' of it, then we will simply have to beg the Maker for forgiveness and do our best. These long-dead mystic sages want to play chessmaster with us? Let's see how well they handle it when we switch to kickboxing."

Daring Do gave a dark chuckle. "I like how you think, Princess," she said. "Okay, I'll put my lateral thinking skills back to cracking this box open. Of course there's one thing I'll need..."

"Of course. What?"

Daring Do held up a fifty pound mallet with a shattered handle. "Spare sledgehammer budget. Kinda lost my temper at the thing when it zapped me."

 

---

 

(1) Yes, I looked it up. Remember the blueprint on the wall of Twilight's library?

(2) She wasn't joking. Shortly after the debacle with her number one student, she had passed a few quiet royal decrees. The Guard were now under instructions to take any pony making poetic-sounding prophecies into custody and bring them to the castle where large, unfriendly looking stallions would inform the would-be Nostradamus that they had WAYS to make them talk coherently.

Spike trotted into the royal guards' quarters aboard the Guiding Star, barely pausing to give the off duty troops a wave as he headed for Flash Sentry's office. He kicked open the door. "Hey Flash!" he said. "We're pulling up on the city in a few, and Twilight wants to go over-- oh, wow." He was brought up short by the sight before him.

Flash Sentry's "private quarters" were a small chamber not much larger than middling office. Half was filled with his  bunk, a small wash stand and a rack for his armor,  half was filled with a rolltop desk that was festooned with mountains of paperwork, scrolls, files, crumpled bits of parchment and a slumped over pegasus who was running his hooves through his mane like he was trying to knead his brain back into shape. Flash started and looked up. "Oh, uh, hello Sir Spike," he stammered.

Spike cocked an eyebrow. "So I'm a 'Sir,' now?" he asked.

Flash coughed into his hoof. "Um, according to the Princess' latest memo," he said. "You're her seneschal and to be given an honorary knighthood some time in the immediate future, so, uh... yeah."

"Really? Cool, Twi must've been keeping it as a surprise or something. I gotta start reading more of those memos she has me flame-mail." He looked around the cramped office. "Speaking of which..." he waved at the piles of paper. "What's all this?"

Flash tried to shrug it off casually. "Oh, just.. trying to catch up on all the paperwork for the Twilight Guard. Ahem." He leaned against the desk casually, wincing as one of the snowdrifts of paper tumbled to the floor in a slow avalanche.

"Man, Twilight is really overdoing it," Spike said.

Flash groaned. "Yeah. She wants checklists to check the checklists. In triplicate! But---" he seemed to bite the bullet. "She's only responsible for, like, the top layer or two..."

"I doubt that."

"No, it's-- it's true. This stuff is just the backlog," Flash confessed. " And being made Captain of the Guard came with about a ton of this stuff, right out of the box. Schedules, requisitions, reports, tons of crap that needs to be documented and written out in triplicate to be filed away in some government office---"

"Why didn't you do it at the time?" Spike said, leafing through some of the paper.

Flash threw his hooves in the air, nearly faceplanting in the desk as a result. "Because I was too busy getting stuff done! The second watch needed new helmets and spears, like, yesterday; that couldn't wait till I inked out a dozen forms! I talked the supply officer into letting me fill out a stub and take the stuff with a promise to fill out the rest of it later. Then we took in three new recruits right before we left port; that was half a stack of forms for each of them. I was too busy fitting them in with the guard we already had... I caught one guard filching soda from the canteen, I couldn't just discipline him and be done with it, oh no-- a single stolen can of pop is an incident that has to be reported, annotated, filed, indexed and copied for headquarters back in Canterlot..."  He massaged his temples. "you're getting the picture, I think."

Spike grinned and shook his head. "You know, Dude, you're a commanding officer... you can hire an--- whaddyacallem, an Aide de Camp?-- to handle this stuff. Or most of it anyway." He chuckled as Flash blinked, the growing realization spreading across his face.

"That's right," he said. He thunked his noggin with a hoof. "Darn it--"

"Ehh, relax, I'll give you a hand for now," Spike said. "Can't have Twilight's Captain of the Guard drowning in a mountain of paperwork--- ironically appropriate as it would be," he added ruefully. "Let's get this stuff sorted, at least..."

Flash's expression of gratitude was radiant. "Thanks, dude, you're a real bro---"

"Don't mention it," Spike said. "Really. Can't have Twilight finding out that--- uh oh," he said. His eyes widened as a familiar muffled voice came through the thin door. "Oh crud, here comes Twilight!"

"Oh crap, what do we do??" Flash said, doing a frantic hoofy-dance in a circle with a double stack of papers balanced on his wings.

"Quick, drop it on the desk!"  Flash did so. Spike tossed his armload after it. "Now stand back!" The tiny dragon took a deep breath. Flash took a hint and scurried backward. With a whoosh, Spike engulfed the overloaded rolltop desk in green flame. Flash started to yelp and grab for the sand bucket standing in the corner of the room, but the flames parted, revealing a spotless-- if slightly singed-- desk. Not a paper was left.

A knock came at the door. Spike whipped out a kerchief and wiped frantically at the sooty spots on the desk. "Captain Flash, it's me, Twilight..."

"Come in?" Flash said.

The door popped open and Twilight came trotting in, a smile on her face. "Captain, we're coming up on Westward Slope in about a half hour, I thought we might take a minute to go over the plan for Hollow Shades and--" she paused, sniffed. "Spike, I smell something burning; have you been using your flame...?"

"Uh, not really," Spike stammered, continuing to wipe and giving her a phony toothy grin. "Just burned up some wastebasket paper and stuff for Flash a second ago."

"I'm sure that the Captain appreciates the gesture, Spike," Twilight chided, "but we are on an airship; you do need to be careful where you use your fire breath."

Spike took the opportunity to look annoyed. "This thing is fireproofed seven ways from Sunday," he said. "You saw to that. We don't even use flammable gas-- they use a pegasus windbag(1) for the gasbag."

"Never you mind that," Twilight said, threatening to slide into Parental Lecture mode. "It's still better safe than sorry." Spike grumped, but didn't say anything more. She turned to Flash. "Like I was saying, we're coming up on Westward Slope, where we'll be disembarking---"

"I thought we were going to Hollow Shades?" Flash said.

Twilight sighed. He hadn't read the memo... "Yes, but the ponies in Hollow Shades are rather... reclusive. Having a Princess bomb in on them will make it much harder to deal with them. So we'll be stopping at Westward Slope, where they're having a little, um..." she pulled a notepad out of her pannier and looked at it. "Something called a Mountain Dew Festival. Hmm...." She put the notepad away. " I'll be doing a few quick hoofshake meetings, make some speeches, kiss some foals, that sort of thing--- then we'll be slipping away during the festivities for Hollow Shades."

Something in her tone caught his attention. "We?"

"You, me, and Spike," Twilight said, as if it she were discussing a trip to the market.

Flash felt a twitch of apprehension. "That's all?" he said. "I'd think you'd want... at least a few more guards or staff." He'd heard rumors about Hollow Shades; some of them were the sort of thing that could keep a pony up at night, nursing a lit candle.

Twilight shook her head. "They'd draw too much attention," she said. "Besides, we're taking my personal balloon. Not enough room for more than a handful of ponies anyway."

"Hey, don't sweat it, dude," Spike said. "Between the three of us we got..." he pointed at Flash. "A pegasus Royal Guard--" he pointed at Princess Twilight. "an Alicorn of Magic--" He jerked a thumb towards his chest smugly. "And a DRAGON. I think we can handle anything some podunk little village throws at us."

Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder and smiled. "I know your record, Flash. You're one of the finest guards in the Royal armed forces. I trust you to keep me safe."

Flash's heart gave a little hiccup at her smile. "I'll... do my best, your Highness," he said, smiling just a little.

The moment was broken when Twilight dropped her hoof and consulted her notepad again. "As I was saying, we'll be going incognito... we'll be posing as a graduate students doing intern work on local folklore-- Hollow Shades does have such fascinating myths and folk tales, I have to say; I'd love to do some real research into it some time-- and Spike will pose as our assistant...

"That's me," Spike said, amused. "Typecast forever." He shrugged. "Eh, at least I'm not posing as your DOG or anything. I have my dignity."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you'll obviously not be able to wear your armor," she said to Flash. "Just, um, try and dress like..."

"Casual?" Flash suggested.

"Um, yeah. Just... whatever you wear when you're on vacation, or leave, or whatever they call it," she said, waving a wing dismissively. "Though really you don't have to wear anything at all, you look good enough without--" she froze in mid sentence, face flaming, as she realized how that sounded. "I mean--- just-- just-- that is-- you would pass as---"

He took pity on her and threw her a line. "Casual. Right." He gave her a lopsided grin.

"Right." Cheeks bright as cherries, she pulled her pannier off and began digging through it, not looking at him. "Oh, I found a book of the folk tales from around Hollow Shades, as well as a travelogue--- you might want to skim them, get some familiarity..." She handed him a slim volume bound in black. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go prepare a few things, get my own... er, disguise..." she flicked a wing. "And so forth..."

She trotted out, closing the door behind her. The two males let out sighs of relief that they hadn't been aware they were holding. "Close shave with the papers," Flash muttered. His face suddenly flooded with dismay as the realization hit him fully. "Oh man, all that paperwork destroyed-- I'm going to have to start all over and--!"

Spike tapped his clawtips together and cringed. "Uhh, they weren't exactly destroyed..."

 

---

Countless miles away, Celestia sighed wearily to herself as she sat and listened to a pair of Canterlot bureaucrats--- Vertical File and Short Form, was it?--- as they went on for yet another ten minutes, slinging files and arguing back and forth over some proposal and how to implement it. She checked her cheat sheet, one of twenty: oh yes, the Petition for Comprehensive Paperwork Reduction. Short Form was for, Vertical File was against.

And quite verbose about it. "...And furthermore the rearrangement of the filing system alone will be prohibitive," he said. "And the records lost in the transitional period alone will reach the upper percentages...."

"As you have said thrice already," Short Form said, disgruntled.

"And it bears repeating! As I have always said, all in triplicate," Vertical File said pompously. "A world without proper triplicated paperwork is chaos. CHAOS I tell you..." He proceeded to meander off into what was obviously a personal favorite sermon on the virtues of extensive documentation. Celestia ground her teeth quietly and shifted in her cushion, trying to ease her aching bladder. She had reached her own decision on the matter ages ago, and would happily render it if Vertical File ever yielded the floor...

There was a faint and familiar glingle-ingle-ingle sound. Celestia's mood brightened immediately. A letter from Twilight! That would be a welcome break from the monotony; perhaps she could even plead a few minutes to read it in private--- in the little princess' room, naturally...

She looked up eagerly; here came the little purple cloud. Odd, it was looking a bit bloated and sluggish for some reason...

The puff of magical dragonsmoke almost made it to the throne. Just as it was passing above Vertical File, it ruptured, spilling what had to be fifty pounds of scrolls and papers on the luckless official's unsuspecting head. With a squawk he disappeared in a pile of snowy paper and ink.

There was a brief stunned silence.(2) Celestia saw her opportunity and took it. "Ah, that must be Twilight's latest report," she said. "And it seems she delivered it directly to you, Vertical File. How kind of her. I'm sure you won't mind replicating all her work and sending it off to the appropriate offices, bureaus, et cetera...? Oh, in triplicate of course."

Slowly, like a groundhog reluctant to deliver its annual verdict(3), Vertical File's head poked out of the drifts of paper. "...Perhaps we could stand to trim down the redundancy in our record keeping just a hair..." he mumbled.

 

---

1)A pegasus windbag doesn't refer here to a Cloudsdale politician (though it ought to.) It refers to a bag lined with pegasus made silk that infuses the air inside with Quintessence of Air, making it lighter. Even earth ponies know how to infuse a lungful of air with Primal Essence (which is why Pinkie Pie doesn't need a gas tank for her party balloons), but pegasi were naturals at it. They perfected the art of spinning and weaving cloth into bags that continually suffused the air inside with Quintessance of Air, for a multiplicity of results including strong winds and lifting power.

2)One might argue that it persisted out of sheer surprise that Vertical File actually stopped talking.

3)In Equestria, the hairy little bugger's forecast about the length of winter actually has the weight of bureaucratic authority behind it. Their resultant unpopularity with both the Weather Bureau Pegasi (who resent the extra rush if spring comes early) AND the Earth Pony farmers (who get disgruntled if spring comes late) has made them a little gun shy about sticking their nose out of their burrows around any member of the pony tribes NOT possessing a horn.

 

The Mountain Dew fest was rather nice actually. A lot of music, a lot of dancing, a lot of country food and copious amounts of the beverage for which the festival was named; a sparkling light lemony drink brewed from honeysuckle and dewshine flowers that grew on the mountainside. Twilight actually was motivated to secure a few barrels for the ship's stocks. A little speech-giving (which had to be shortened as nearly all of her index cards had mysteriously gone missing(1)), some hoofshaking, a little baby-kissing (that had been fun) and, at the end of the night, at the urging of her faithful #1 assistant and pressure from the crowd, some dancing with her Captain of the Guard (that had been mortifying, nerve-racking, and... maybe a little fun too?) and they had managed to slip away as the ceremonies wound down.

It was now early morning. The horizon was just starting to turn pink with the promise of dawn. The three of them--- Twilight, Spike, and Flash Sentry-- were up on the launchdeck atop the Guiding Star's envelope, preparing to launch Twilight's little private balloon for their flight to Hollow Shades. There was a surprising amount to load, to Spike's predictable disgruntlement. "Why aren't we having the staff do this?" he asked, loading another box into the increasingly cramped basket.

"Because we're supposed to be college students on a budget, and that won't sell if we don't have to struggle to load and unload this all ourselves," Flash Sentry said factually. "Real students would stick to that."

"The fact that we're arriving in a private balloon might be a giveaway on that," Spike grumbled.

"Not really, Spike," Flash said, tossing a load of camping equipment in. "Private balloons are kind of common among pegasi, at least. Comes in handy for hauling stuff, and it's cheaper than sky chariots. Easier on the back too, since you can climb aboard and let the wind and the lifting gas do all the work. " He got a faraway look in his eye. "Used to have myself a little one-seater back in my high school days. That thing was more patches than envelope, but I loved it to death..."

"Sounds fun." Spike yawned mightily as he went over the loading checklist. "Aren't we starting out awful early?" he said. "The sun isn't even up."

"We don't want to be seen leaving, Spike," Twilight explained. "The fewer ponies know, the better. Thankfully most of the town is still sleeping in late after all the festivities last night."

"Wish I was one of 'em." Spike added another yawn.

"Plus, it's going to be at least a two hour flight," Twilight added.

"Two hours?" Spike said. He pointed at the looming mountain peak. "But Hollow Shades is just on the other side of that mountain!"

"Yes, but we're taking the scenic route," Twilight said. "A nice long circuitous route so that we fly into Hollow Shades from the Southeast instead of the West. Just another little thing to make it less likely anypony will connect us back to the Guiding Star and the Royal Princess Tour."

Spike rolled his eyes. "You're really getting into this whole 'undercover secret identity' thing, aren't you," he said.

Twilight leaned in till her nose was an inch from his, and gave him a smirk that clearly said 'I know you're being a wiseass and I don't care.'

Flash Sentry chuckled as he looked over the balloon's guy ropes. "Is that your little way of telling the Princess she's overdoing it?" he said.

Spike looked at him with half-lidded eyes. "No, this is my little way of telling the Princess she's overdoing it," he said. He turned around and clapped Twilight's smirking cheeks between his hands. "Twilight, you're overdoing it."

Twilight continued to smirk. "Funny Dragon."

Flash had to smother a snort.

The town clocktower softly tolled out the half-hour. Twilight looked over and checked the time. "Um, time's getting short, we'd better change. Excuse me, boys..." she ducked around the other side of the half-deflated balloon, out of sight.

"Probably a good idea..." Flash disappeared behind a stack of crates as well.

When she came back around, her tiara, peytral and shoes were gone. She was wearing a large, baggy sweater with patches on the elbows, a short skirt, and a pair of large thick-rimmed spectacles, and had her mane done up in a simple no-nonsense bun. Her magic compact was on a chain around her neck and she had two battered old panniers hanging on her hips. she turned about. "How do I look?"

Flash coughed and smiled. "Very cute-- aherm, in a... smart bookish college filly way, of course." Twilight's cheeks warmed a bit. "Clever. The sweater hides your wings and the skirt is long enough to cover your cutie mark."

"Yeah, it's kind of a disadvantage to undercover work when the palace makes your butt part of the royal seal," Twilight muttered. She looked over at Flash and Spike. "And... um, that's it?"

Spike looked down at himself. He was wearing his usual.... nothing. "Hey, it works for me," he said.

Flash was a different story. He had left his armor back in his office this morning, obviously, but now he was wearing an enormous hiking backpack, a baggy hoofball jersey... and that was it. He shrugged. "Hey, it was what I wore in college, and the old jersey still fit, so..."

"It's a little... scruffy," Twilight complained. "And are those stains on the hem...?"

Spike and Flash looked at each other and grinned. "Hey Spike," said Flash. "What are we?"

"Men!" Spike said enthusiastically, throwing his fist in the air.

"What kind of men?"

"College men!"

"Which means we are also...?"

"TOTAL SLOBS!" The two cheered their little recital.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Males," she said.

Flash chuckled. "To be fair, Princess," he said. "You wouldn't expect a college frat rat to be wearing anything clean-pressed and ironed, would you?"

"Okay okay okay, fine," she said, waving her hoof in defeat.

"Um, aren't you gonna carry a spear or sword or nothin' though?" Spike said, frowning. "I mean,...."

"No worries about that," Flash said. "Watch." He pulled his right wing in close to his side and then thrust it out. There was a SHING! and a long single edged blade shot out of the wing-sleeve of his shirt, locking along the front edge of his extended wing.

"Coool," Spike breathed, reaching out with a claw to carefully tap the blade.

"I'm not about to neglect my duty to protect Princess Twilight by going out unarmed," Flash said. "But a wingblade is a little more subtle than a full suit of armor. And they're common enough among pegasi who want to exercise a little self-defense." He flexed his wing again and with a click-clack chink the blade disappeared under his shirt.

Twilight nodded, shuddering a bit. She'd seen Celestia's pegasi guards wearing the blades before... they'd scared poor Fluttershy half to death with them back when Celestia had visited Ponyville for tea. She sincerely hoped Flash had no reason to use them. "Good to know, I suppose," she said.

"I also brought a crossbow." He tapped it where it hung by a strap from the side of his backpack, next to a quiver of bolts.  "Because nothing says 'stay away' like a tool that can poke holes in a pony way over there. I also stuffed a few odds and ends in that might come in handy... depending."

Twilight nodded absently. She looked into the basket, then double-checked her checklist, then checked the basket again. "Wait, we're missing some things," she said. "Crate 1-5 of my equipment... and panniers A, B, and D...."

"Uh, no we're not," Flash said. He dusted himself off a bit and looked apologetic. "Sorry, your highness, but most of that stuff was a bit high end for a college intern to be lugging about. Some of that equipment, your hypothetical college professor would have had a half-dozen heart attacks if he knew an intern had her hooves on it..."

"But--- but--!" she protested.

"There wasn't anything in that equipment that you couldn't do with your little field kit, was there?" he pointed to a small case tucked in one corner. "For alicorn detecting, or the like."

"No, but using that thing is like replacing a full toolbox with a Swiss Army knife! The degree of precision in the measurements and statistical..." she sputtered, half pleading. Flash just kept his face impassive. She sighed and gave in. A few hairs sprang out of place. Working in the field with nothing but a field kit; what had she sunk to? "Right, right..." she looked at her list and, with an expression almost of pain, scratched several items off. "Okay, then I guess we can move on to a quick review of our itinerary for our arrival. Once we arrive at Hollow Shades, we'll check our reservations at the local hotel I had you place and--- what?"

Flash Sentry was shaking his head. "Uh, I didn't let Spike place them, Highness," he said.

A hair sprung loose on Twilight's mane, but she maintained control. "What do you mean you didn't let him place reservations at the Hollow Shades hotel?" she said. "I specifically put it on your schedule for that day to make sure to mail a---"

"A reservation? From our blimp? On royal stationery? From the household staff and guard service of the Princess of Friendship?" Spike said, sitting on the rail of the balloon basket with his arms crossed.

Twilight raised a hoof to rant, and wilted. "But...but  where will we stay once we arrive? What if they're booked full and don't have any spare rooms? I don't know of any other hotels or inns at Hollow Shades---"

Flash seemed infuriatingly unperturbed. "Then that's what the tents are for," he said, pointing to two canvas rolls in the bottom of the balloon basket.

"Tents??" Twilight said.

Flash looked at her curiously. "Didn't you ever go on any field trips or expeditions while you were going through college...?"

"Of course I did! Princess Celestia took Spike and me out on them all the time! We never went anywhere that we didn't book accommodations in advance--- we PREPARED!"

"Ah, yeah. You might find that going on a field trip as a normal college student is a little different than going on the same trip with the ruler of all Equestria as your bunkmate," Flash said, shaking his head in amusement. "Look, Highness, college students generally fly by the seat of their pants..."

"They what?" Spike said in bafflement.

Flash shrugged. "Pegasus saying. Anyway, they have to improvise, especially on a road trip. They can't usually GET reservations--- for hotel rooms, restaurants, or anything else--- because they can't afford them in the first place. So they'll hit a youth hostel. Or camp out on the road side, or sleep in their wagon, or crash on a friend or relatives' couch, or even sleep in someone's barn for a few bits a night. If we want to maintain this cover, we're not going to have a royal expense account, or a palace staff to 'smooth over' any difficulties getting a room." He gave her a cockeyed grin. "Afraid things aren't going to be nearly as pampered as you're used to."

Twilight scowled at her Captain of the Guard imperiously. She wouldn't have bothered if she'd known he thought her pooched lower lip just made her look cute. "I am not pampered."

Flash just cocked an eyebrow.

"I am not!" She gave Spike an uncertain look. "I'm not, am I?"

"You've been Celestia's student since the day I was hatched, you've got a live-in dragon assistant, a Royal stipend,  your first home was in the palace, your second was an observatory tower paid for by the Princess, and the third was a library the size of a mansion...." he said. "So kinda, yeah."

Twilight pouted.

"Well... " Flash averred,  "Let's just say you haven't had any real reason to live spartan."

Twilight pouted, and regarded her old balloon. He'd done a lot of things to it that at the time had mystified her, but in retrospect made an embarrassing amount of sense. First off, At Flash Sentry's insistence, they had disabled the magic propulsion runes and strapped an engine on the side of the basket: a clunky, secondhand propeller and engine, similar to the one that Tank the Tortoise wore, if a few sizes larger, and equipped with a rudder sail for steering. He'd then, over her loud protestations, actually torn the balloon in several places and crudely patched them back over by hoof himself, with thread and needle and cheap canvas. He'd even added a few scuffs and stains here and there to make it look more worn. It had never dawned on her that a "little private balloon" in royal purple silk and equipped with royally monogrammed runic controls might be less than subtle. Now, though, the balloon would easily pass as the sort of battered used vehicle a couple of college interns would be using to putter about. Attention to detail, Twilight thought with chagrin. She hated to admit it, but for all her obsessive compulsive pickiness, Flash Sentry had been spotting a lot of details to this little mission she'd overlooked.

He shrugged the backpack off and tossed it in the basket. "Come on, your Highness-- it'll be good for our cover. Nothing says 'authentic college student' like having to rough it because we're low on dough. Besides, it might be fun." He gave her a cockeyed grin.

She felt her mood thaw at his smile. Or perhaps go soft and gooey like warm caramel. She silenced her inner panicking pony as best she could, smoothing her mane down with a hoof.  "All right, then," she sighed. "But so far as having a cover goes, you'd better get in the habit of calling me 'Twilight' and not 'Princess' or 'Highness.' "

"Understood your Hi-- ahem. Twilight." Flash hopped aboard the basket and, ever the gentlestallion, offered a hoof to help Twilight aboard. With a curtsy, she climbed in.

The lines were cast off, and they gracefully ascended from the Guiding Star's upper launchpad. Silently they rose, quiet as a lingering dream above the sleeping town. In minutes they were above the clouds and turning with the guiding wind.

Only once they were above the cloudline, and unlikely to disturb anyone, did Twilight start the engine. With a rumble and a buzz it came to life, slowly but surely sending them on their way."Did you read those books I gave you?" Twilight asked Flash.

Flash grimaced. "Yeah. Sure didn't get much sleep last night.  Those legends about Hollow Shades are enough to make a pony's mane stand on end. And the travelogue was almost as scary as the folklore!" He coughed gave Twilight a look. "  Prin-- er, Twilight. I feel like it's my duty to ask." His brow furrowed. "Are you sure you want to be poking around Creepyville Central looking for alicorns?"

Spike heard this and looked perturbed. "Excuse me?...Creepyville? Hello?"

Twilight made a moue of annoyance as she set the balloon's course. "Flash, Alicorns, nascents and the like are going to tuck themselves away in hidden away locations. And it doesn't get any more hidden away than the most reclusive village in Equestria."

"Most reclusive, and most haunted, according to the travelogue you gave me," Flash said. "This town is in the middle of the Gothic Forest. Not next to, not on the edge, in the middle. Speaking for myself, were I an alicorn, I sure wouldn't choose that place to live. It's like the setting of half the horror novels in the Equestria Daily book-of-the-month club!"

"...Horror novels? Hello?" Spike tried to interject.

Twilight finally heard him and sighed. "Spike, Hollow Shades is just a quiet, sleepy, sheltered little town in the middle of a really old forest. .."

"And Ponyville's just a farming community," Spike snarked, "on the edge of the Everfree."

Twilight's nose scrunched. "Fine, so it is featured on the list of Equestria's ten most possibly Eldritch regions--"

"Number four," Flash muttered, reading off the back of the travelogue. "Right after Scariest Cave in Equestria and ahead of the Everfree Forest."

"---But you have to remember, Spike, all the ghost stories and creepy tales coming out of the place are just that, stories and tales."

Spike just stared at her. Unblinking.(2) "Gimme the book."

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "I really don't think it's a good idea for a baby dragon--"

"I'm fourteen--"

"To be filling his head with scary stories. They'll mess up your sleep AND prejudice you against---"

"I wanna know what you're getting us into. Gimme the book."

"They're just old mare's tales, Spike!"

The stare under his beetling brows grew more intense. "Don't make me say it, Twi."

Twilight huffed. "Spike---"

"Nightmare Moon, Twilight." He held out a hand and made 'gimme' motions. "The book, please."

"Fine. On your own head be it..." With a roll of her eyes, Twilight levitated the book of folklore and the travelogue over to the waiting dragon, who promptly sat down in a corner of the basket and began reading, his eyes slitted with grim determination.

By the time they meandered around the Dewshine Mountain, his slitted eyes were as round as saucers.

 

---

It was easy to tell when they began to fly over the valley of Hollow Shades. There was an almost tangible change to the atmosphere; almost a flavor in the air, of deep forests and the onset of dusk. The sun, despite it being nearly noon, faded behind a curtain of clouds, and the ground below grew dark, blanketed with conifers whose steeple-like crowns pierced upwards below them, some of them almost brushing the bottom of the basket. It took one a few moments to realize that no, the balloon had not dropped in altitude; the dark evergreen trees below truly did reach that high...

It was a vast, wide valley, a bowl ringed by mountain peaks,  covered in a blanket of trees, the uniform green broken only by a single lake that split up the center of the valley like a massive wound. A few inlets could be seen; frothing white as they tumbled from the trees down into the placid waters below, but no outlet could be perceived. Even from over a thousand feet in the air, it was obvious that the waters were dark, and deep, and cold.

They floated in over the lake toward the harbor at its northernmost tip. Twilight was looking through the travelogue and reading aloud, to refresh all their memories. Flash Sentry was looking worried and going over his weapons and supplies. Spike was looking like a train wreck victim, huddling in a ball in one corner and clutching the unfortunate folklore book to himself like a shield.

"...Due to climate and topological anomalies, the Hollow Shades valley experiences very little annual sunshine," Twilight was reading aloud. "Most of which is absorbed by the unbroken forest of sequoia and other evergreens that cover the valley from mountain slope to mountain slope. The Valley is divided from its southernmost end to 2/3 of the way to the North by Rally Lake..."

"The proper pronunciation is R'lyeh," Spike muttered.

"The lake, though entirely landlocked, remains perpetually fresh; it is believed that there is an underground river serving as an outlet down in the as-yet unfathomed depths of the lake."

"An explorer tried to find the bottom with a diving bell," Spike muttered, staring ahead. " Reached nearly a thousand feet. When they pulled the line up on the fourth time, they say there were teeth embedded in the end of the rope..."

"The town itself extends from the harbor and winds up among the trees, deep into the forest itself--"

"Where the sunlight never shines..."

"And is actually a scattered collection of houses, settlements, small farms, and manors, old, new and long abandoned---"

"Translation: HAUNTED..."

"AHEM." Twilight glared briefly at Spike, and continued. "The flora and fauna of the region are little studied, though many of the townsfolk can give the traveler sufficient advice--"

"Like the warning 'Turn Back'?" Spike suggested.

"-- and visitors new to the region are cautioned to not wander off into the deep forest, as there are reports of dangerous creatures..."

"Zombies, vampires, ghouls---"

"SPIKE! The only thing they've confirmed there are things like timberwolves, snakes, star spiders..."

"Oh yeah, I like the bits about spiders. Like how they've gone into the deep woods and spotted spiders the size of a pony face." He looked at her. "Excuse me. The size of a SCREAMING pony face--"

Twilight's eyebrows tabled. "This is your own fault for reading that book of folklore."

He waved it at her. "You mean the book of folklore you made your bodyguard read?" Spike snapped. "Don't jerk my chain, Twilight. We're going out looking for wild alicorns. Chasing myths and legends. You know what kind of myths and legends Hollow Shades has? The kind that ponies think are scarier than the Everfree Forest." He flipped open the book and showed her a picture of something extremely gruesome looking that was in the process of doing something extremely gruesome looking. "I'm inclined to agree with them! They've got a story here about some pony getting eaten by a tree, Twilight. A TREE!"

Twilight closed the travelogue and gave him a patient look. "Spike, I know you're worried. And frankly I'm kind of glad-- this can be a risky adventure we're going on; it was enough to make Princess Celestia worry. But you can't let your fears control you. Remember, the Everfree is scary, but it did turn out to be a lot less dangerous than everypony thought. We're in and out of there all the time, aren't we? I even go and visit Zecora there once a week now!"

"And it's still dangerous," Spike scowled. He'd never liked the fact that Twilight and her friends had gotten so casual about traipsing into the Everfree, Zecora or no.

"Exactly," she said, rubbing his headspikes with her hoof. "But we know enough to keep a level head, don't we? That's what we need to do here: keep a balanced perspective." She tucked her travelogue away and turned back to the helm. "Now come on, you two; get ready. I'm going to bring us in for a landing."

Spike grumbled and turned to pick up his backpack. Flash nudged him. "Psst.. Here," Flash said, setting his oversized hiker's bag next to Spike. "Check this out; it'll make you feel better."

Curious, Spike looked over. Flash began going through his gear, opening pockets and unzipping sleeves to show him things. He pulled out one of his crossbow bolts and handed it to the dragonling. "Check it. The shafts are pressed from a mix of oak, holly and flying rowan wood." He tapped the tip; it was tri-bladed, and made of two different metals. "Silver, iron--"

"Cold Iron?" Spike said knowingly.

"SKY iron," Flash said. "Shooting star metal, from Luna herself." He took the bolt back and slipped it into a slotted box, and attached the box to the crossbow. Spike could now see that the crossbow had two steel bows, over and under. "Single shot or Rapid fire. Wind up the lower bow, and it cocks and shoots the upper one as long as you hold the trigger and there's a bolt in the cartridge. Anything gets within twenty feet of us, it's gonna be a pincushion."

"Yikes. Sweet, but yikes." Spike tapped the bow with a claw tip.

Flash slung it back in place on the side of his backpack. He pulled out a bundle of stakes and a hammer.

"Tent stakes?"

"That too. But they're solid oak, and nice and sharp." Flash took one, and slotted the flat end into a groove on the head of the hammer. "And now, it's a bad case of vampire heartburn." He gave a short swing, indicating how the spike-hammer could be used.

Spike chuckled, then sniffed, his nose wrinkling. "Well, you're sure thorough; it smells like you soaked 'em in garlic."

"And a few other things." He stowed the vampire stakes and hammer away, and pulled out a paper bag. "Garlic, rosemary, onion, sage, sea salt--" he shrugged. "It's amazing how many cooking spices and herbs have monster-repelling powers." He handed the bag over to Spike. "I've made some satchels, but since you're going to be camp cook..."

Spike gave the contents of the bag a look. "Maybe I shoulda just brought a hand-cannon loaded with my marinara sauce," he said, cocking an eyebrow wryly.

Flash laughed. "Well I hope you get my point," he said. "I got a look at those books and I loaded for Ursa Major. I've got stuff for werewolves, vampires, zombies, ghouls, ghosts, ghasts, changelings, timberwolves, twittermites...."

"That why the pack so big?" Spike said.

"Posted a note to keep one on the Guiding Star at all times," Flash said with a smirk. "I'm hoping to talk the Guard into having one with every troop. Once they're field tested anyway." He shrugged. "Point I'm making is, you don't need to worry. This isn't some horror flick and we're not three dumb teenagers walking into a haunted mansion with nothing but a beer keg and three brain cells between us, splitting up the party and chasing the boogeymare armed with nothing but a flashlight." Spike snickered at that one. "We're veterans, okay? Armed to the teeth and crazy prepared as Princess Twilight and I could get us. I'm a royal guardsman, Twilight is the Alicorn of Magic...

"And you, well you're our ace in the hole."

"How do you figure that?"

"Did you forget what you said yourself yesterday?"Flash gave him a playful jab in the shoulder. "You're a dragon. You're magic resistant, tough as nails and most importantly, you breathe FIRE. Heat and light and flame, anything I've ever heard of is vulnerable to those. In your own way you're the baddest little dude in the valley."

"Heh. Yeah. Yeah!" Spike perked up. Then he looked a little sheepish. "I, uh. I kind of forget sometimes."

"It's okay; sometimes you have stop and remember to be brave." Flash's voice got serious. "I'll tell you though, I'm glad you're along. If there's anything out there that can get through all this stuff, even if it's everything in that book of boogey-monsters, your claws and fire will stop it cold. So I'm counting on you to help me watch Princess Twilight's back, okay?"

"As if there was ever any doubt," Spike said. He held out his fist for a hoof-bump; Flash gave it readily.

"Do me a favor, huh?" Flash said. "write up a quick inventory of the stuff in there. Most of it was a quick stuff-and-grab last night..."

Spike saluted. "You got it," he said. He pulled a quill and parchment out of his own pack and sat down to catalog the content

"Coming up on the pier," Twilight said. "Get ready to cast off the lines."

"Aye aye," Flash said. He took up the anchor lines and stood next to her.

Twilight looked over at him as she steered the balloon. "Thank you for that," she said to him under her breath.

"Heard that, did you?" Flash muttered back.

"It's a gondola, not a flying yacht," she said. "I was standing three feet away. Anyway, thank you for humoring him."

"...Humoring him?" Flash gave her a double-take.

"I know he gets wound up in comic books and pulp novels and he lets his imagination run away with him, so showing him all that 'monster hunting gear,' " she made quote-marks in the air with her hooves, "helped him calm down..."

Flash cocked an eyebrow. "Prin-- Twilight," he said, "I wasn't humoring him."

Twilight gave him her own double-take. "You can't mean... you don't honestly think all the legends about this place are true, too?" she said in disbelief.

Flash's expression didn't change. "No, but I don't know which ones ARE," he said. "So I prepared accordingly."

"Which means you grabbed everything you thought you could use to smack a monster in the mush and stuffed it in my balloon," Twilight groused. "Is that the real reason you dumped my equipment overboard? To make room for all this superstitious monster-under-the-bed stuff?"

Flash's eyebrows dropped into a scowl. "Have you forgotten the warning Princess Celestia herself gave before we left?" he said. "She all but admitted that even she avoids this place because of the stories that come out of it. And she's the Alicorn of the Sun!"

"That hardly means that we're going to be fending off vampires or zomponies or-or-or the latest Equestria Studios creature feature!" she snapped, inexplicably irritated.

"Well, I have to agree with Spike on this one," he retorted. He pulled out the crossbow. "And you know the nice thing about monster-killing rapid fire crossbows?"

"What?"

"They'll punch holes in normal things, too." He smirked and cocked it once. Ch-chak!

Twilight just looked at him. "This is a stallion thing, isn't it? One of those stallion things I keep hearing about."

"Just doing my job, Princess," he answered.

"Ugh, between the two of you I'm going to go absolutely spare, aren't I..." she continued to natter as the balloon slowly dropped below the treeline. The already dim and overcast day grew darker as the leviathan trees rose around them, blotting out more and more of the sky. It was noon, but soon it looked almost like dusk. The boughs reached around them, closed overhead, till it seemed they were flying down the mouth of a cave, a cave floored in lakewater and roofed in twilit green.

Slowly the harbor came into view; a tiny wooden jetty sticking out into the water, so small against the vastness of the lake it looked like a handful of matchstick buildings. There was a platform for landing balloons-- which only made sense, as it was one of the few ways in and out of Hollow Shades. Lights were burning to guide any travelers in.

The threesome was muted by the stillness around them. Twilight shut off the pusher motor and let the balloon glide in. They floated over the few rowboats at the dock and landed with a soft bump on an open space on the landing pad. As Flash and Spike hustled to tie the balloon down, a pony came out of the nearby tin shack and shuffled in their direction, carrying a lantern. "Kin ah help ye?" He mumbled.

Twilight looked him over. He was a dark blue-gray pony with a mane so dark green as to be almost black. He had a droopy pencil thin mustache and goatee. In fact everything seemed to droop about him; his mane, his ears, his limpid, watery eyes. Even his clothes seemed to droop; his sou'wester hat and fisher-pony's coveralls, his enormous mackinaw raincoat, all seemed to hang on him like he was perpetually drenched. Even though his lantern was guttering and dim, he squinted against the light.

Twilight nervously sprang into her rehearsed speech. "Ah, yes, I'm Twilight Twinkle from Canterlot University? And this is Flash and, er, Spike... We're doing a study on the legends and folklore of the region?"

The droopy fellow looked at her, apparently ruminating what she had said. "Gon' be stayin' a while, then?" His tone said 'your funeral' as clearly as the words would have.

"Er, yes. A week or two at least." Behind her, Spike and Flash continued strapping on as many bags as they could carry.

He ruminated some more. "Better git on up to the Inn," he said, pointing inland and uphill. Windows and lantern light could be seen through the trees, under the silhouettes of shingled rooftops. "Rain comin' soon."

"Really?" Flash blurted out, looking up at the barely-visible sky. "How can you tell?"

"'Salways a rain comin' soon, this time o' year." Almost on cue, a few drops pattered down. He looked them over. "I'll stow yer balloon, 'n have someone haul the rest of yer stuff on up." He held out a hoof.

"What? Oh, ah, thank you!" Twilight shook his hoof cheerfully. "Very kind of you, Mister...?"

"...Angler." The pony looked at his still-empty hoof, bemused.

"Well, thank you Mr. Angler. Come on, you two, we've got a room waiting for us!.... I hope," she said. She hitched her backpack and panniers up and started trotting up the winding path into the town.

Behind her, Flash rolled his eyes and hoofed the dockmaster a short stack of bits. He and Spike hustled to catch up, looking to dodge a few raindrops. Mr. Angler, his expression unchanged, tucked the bits in his pockets. "Young Feller? Spike?"

Spike stopped. "Er, yes?"

Angler nodded briefly. "Be careful. Don't go out after dark."

Spike gulped at the ominous warning. "Heh. Looks like it's always dark around here," he tried to joke.

Angler considered his words and nodded seriously. "That it is, young feller."

Spike wilted and most emphatically did NOT feel spiders jitter up his back-spines. He decided to can any snappy rejoinders for later. He spun on one heel and galloped after Flash and Twilight as fast as his stubby legs would go.

Angler watched the trio trot up the crooked trail as the rain began to patter down in earnest. His photophores glowed briefly; there were splashes in the water, and his help began shuffling up the dock to unload the strangers' balloon. He scratched at his gill ridges under his collar with his free hoof.

"Eh, tourists," he said.

 

---

1)Spike had been in charge of her spare book bag and while we shan't say she smelled a rat, she did smell smoke)

2)There were many levels of Stare in Equestria, including serpent, dragon, basilisk and Fluttershy. A baby dragon wasn't about to turn anyone to stone, but if he wanted you to know he was Staring at you, you darned well knew it.

Thunder cracked and rolled outside the windows, and rain poured down in buckets. It looked to be a long stormy day in Hollow Shades, at least as far as one could see from the front desk of the Hollow Shades Inn. A few of the regulars were in the drawing room, gathered around the fireplace, when the front door crashed open and in staggered a bookish-looking unicorn mare, loaded down with saddlebags and backpack and as drenched as if she'd been dunked in a bathtub. She tottered up to the front desk, sputtering, and leaned against the counter. "Good NIGHT, it wasn't even a drizzle when we were at the bottom of the HILL-- please, oh PLEASE tell me you have rooms available, I do NOT want to try and set up a rustic campsite by the roadside in THIS!" she said, looking up at the mare behind the counter through waterlogged spectacles.

The dark brown earth filly watching the front desk nodded warily, and quietly slipped her hoof off the silver-loaded crossbow next to her. One just didn't burst in the front door like that, not in Hollow Shades. "How many in your party?" she said, trying to slow her heartbeat.

The door crashed open again, and in staggered two more figures; a lanky pegasus with a blue mane, and a short pudgy reptile. Both were carrying small mountains of camping gear and both were just as drenched as the mare at the counter. "Good NIGHT," the dragonling said, spewing water. "Where did THAT come from?"

"Yeah, are the weather squads asleep or something?" the pegasus demanded. He dropped his bags in a heap on the floor and shook off as discreetly as he could.

"That'll be three of us," Twilight said to the clerk. "We'll be staying for about a week, at least, but we'll go ahead and pay for two weeks in advance--" she slid a bag of bits across the counter.  

One of the ponies huddled round the fire answered Flash's question. "No weather patrol 'round here," he said curtly.

Flash looked surprised. "None whatsoever?"

The pony looked up from the fire. He was a scruffy fellow in a bulky plaid coat with a bright red, shaggy beard that consumed half his face. A flop-eared hat dried on a stool in front of him, and an axe with an onyx-black head leaned against the arm of his chair. "What we get, we get from the forest," he said. He harrumphed, amused. "Just like everything else around here." He patted his axe.

Flash finished shaking off and moved over to the fire, Spike-- ever the heat-loving lizard-- right behind him. Flash sat down next to the plaid-wearing pony while Spike got as close to the hearth as possible. "Flash, Canterlot University Folklore and Mythology department," he said, sticking a hoof out."

"Woodcutter," the grizzled pony said, shaking it. "Timberjack."

"Timberjack?" Flash said, his brow furrowing. "Don't you mean 'lumberjack?' "

"Well that too, but mostly Timberjack," Woodcutter said.

"What's the difference?" Spike said from his seat near the coals.

"OoowwwwoooOOOOoooooooo...."

There was a flash of lightning. A long, low howl, rough with moss and bark, sounded out somewhere in the stormy dark.

"--whhaarrrgggharrrble."

And terminated on a rather odd gargling noise. Flash and Spike half rose to their feet; nopony else in the room even twitched. "Sounds like you got another crop comin' in, Woodcutter," somepony said with a dry chortle.

Woodcutter gave Flash a humorless grin. "Difference is Timberjackin' is a little more excitin' than lumberjackin'," he said. "Got us a lot of timberwolves out there. They're a menace, but they make good firewood--- oncet you whack 'em good with a black iron blade." He patted his axe again. There was another flash of lightning and a rumble of thunder.

"Oooowwwoooooooooo.....wharrrghgarrble."

"What the heck is that noise they're making?" Spike said, alarmed.

Woodcutter idly examined the edge of his axe. "Yer average timberwolf ain't too bright," he explained. "They try an' look up to howl at the lightning, but they forget that it's pourin' down buckets." He paused. "Hain't found any drowned that way yet, but give it time."

"Wharrrghgarblle. Cough, hack."

Spike's eyebrows tabled. "You gotta be kidding me." The bundle in his claws cheeped.

Flash leaned forward, curious. "Whatcha got there?"

Spike held up the bundle. A tousled, half-grown phoenix chick sat in the middle of the rough towel. It peeped cheerfully. " Owlowiscious is off doin' his own thing out there, but I brought Peewee in. Phoenixes don't care for damp weather too much."

There was a sound that went around the room, among the old fogeys and bypassers who had stopped in out of the weather. An "oohhh" of recognition, as the phoenix chick made his appearance. Every pony in the drawing room seemed to lean in towards its glow. "Ooh, that's a good sign there, youngun!" an oldster with a trailing white beard said, nodding. "A phoenix chick. Powerful ward against evil, an' things o' the dark. Yer a lucky feller t' have one as a pet..."

The mare at the counter saw Spike cradling Peewee. She brightened so suddenly she seemed to almost become buoyant. "Oh, my! You're keeping a phoenix chick with you? I had no idea! If he shares the room with you we'll cut your bill in half-- we'll even waive the fire hazard deposit..."

Twilight blinked. "Why, that's-- very generous of you," she said, surprised. "Is there any reason...?"

The counter filly's eyes moved briefly to the dark and rain-streaked windows. "Ma'am, anypony in Hollow Shades would be more than happy to have one of Celestia's sun-birds under their roof," she said. "Our inn would have to be run by fools not to make you feel welcome." She hastily went back to counting out the bits and writing the bill. She hoofed Twilight a heavy pewter key. "Room 202, second floor, first door on the right," she said, pointing up the stairs. "Watch your step, the stairwell's not well lit."

"I suppose not," Twilight murmured to herself, looking about. The entire hotel seemed to be a bit under equipped on lighting. Even with the roaring fireplace, chandeliers laden with candles hanging low, and wreath-wrapped candlesticks at every window,  the old hotel still stubbornly clung to its dark shadowy gloom like an old nag clutching at her shawl. The only place free of gloom seemed to be the little space around the hearth, lit by Peewee's glow.

Ah, at least they're making friends with the locals, she thought to herself. She turned her attention back to the mare at the front desk. "Excuse me miss," she said, "We are going to be doing a good deal of looking around Hollow Shades. You wouldn't happen to have any tour guides or travel brochures or... aheh... well anything like that?" She tapered off awkwardly as she realized just how unlikely they were to have such things. But it was a hotel, after all, shouldn't that count for something?

To her relief the counter girl pointed to a wire rack standing nearby. "Oh, thank you," Twilight said, relieved at escaping a faux pas. She collected one of everything, including a town map. There wasn't much and it was covered in a disturbing layer of dust and cobwebs, but it was better than nothing.

She trotted over to where Spike, Flash and Peewee were holding court, and gave Flash a tap on the shoulder. "Got the room key, we might as well go on up," she said, indicating the window. The torrential downpour had let up slightly, but rain still came down steadily. "Oh, miss? The harbor keeper will be sending up the rest of our baggage later. Could you have it sent to our room when it arrives?"

"....Oh. Mister Angler's help is... coming up here?" the counter filly said faintly. She did not sound at all enthused. "...I mean... of course...as soon as it gets here..." she gave Twilight a weak smile.

"Excellent, thank you."

Flash shrugged to Spike and picked up his luggage. "Lead on, Princess," he said--- and the three of them froze. All three of them  struggled to keep their poker face. Cringing inwardly Twilight kept going, not looking back.... maybe they hadn't heard?

One of the greybeards chuckled to Flash. "One o' those kind, eh?" he said, nodding at the departing mare with a knowing wink to Flash.

"Heh. Don't let her hear you say that," Spike chuckled nervously.

"--Just a nickname we tease her with," Flash said, flushing and trying to look amused. "She's not that bad..."

"Excuse me?"

The two males flinched for real this time at the tone in Twilight's voice. "Nothing, nothing!" They grabbed their things and hustled to the staircase, the chuckles of the oldsters following after.

Flash was about three steps up when one of the natives warming his hooves by the fire cleared his throat. Flash paused and looked back.

"You be sure and lock your shutters tight tonight, y'hear?" the rumple-jacketed pony said. "Hollow Shades, 'taint no place to leave no windows open."

The look in his baggy eye was one Flash hadn't seen since field training... when drill sergeant casually told him to be sure and check his sleeping bag for scorpions before climbing into it. He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "Sure thing," he said. He gave the old stallion a half-grin and trotted up the stairs after Twilight and Spike.

 

---

"Arrooooooowwwwhaarrggharrrble."

Spike sighed. "I hope they quit when the thunder stops, or that's gonna get annoying real fast." He grunted and shut the window.

The quarters they were in were fairly nice, if a bit on the gothic side. Everything was made of thick cut timbers and trimmed with wrought iron, and built solid as the trees from which the timbers came.  There were two heavy, four-poster beds, a large fireplace and a large desk and table. The room was lit by old fashioned iron lamps--- old fashioned, even by Equestrian standards; they used actual wicks and oil, rather than caged glowbugs-- that hung from the exposed beams in the low ceiling. Both windowsills had candlesticks as well, still unlit and looped by garlands of dried flowers and herbs. The windows were made of heavy leaded glass, too rippled and bubbled to see through clearly... not that it mattered; nopony could see anything outside anyway. Between the storm and the perpetual gloom of the forest, it was nearly as black as midnight outside.

Despite having few furnishings there were little touches here and there, tiny touches that showed the place had been built with a craftsman's care; carvings on the bare wooden beams, a touch of fancy ironwork on the window shutters and doors and around the fireplace.... though as for that, the subject of the artwork had an effect far less than homey and far more unsettling; odd, leering faces, strange symbols and cavorting, skulking, slinking animals that one could not quite identify.

Since the rain outside was keeping them shut in, Twilight had decided that time would be best spent setting up their temporary headquarters. A little wheedling and a few spare bits hoofed to the inn's staff(1) and a few extra tables and a set of shelves had been hastily shuffled to the room from other quarters. The rest of their luggage arrived, borne by ponies wrapped in lumpy hats and mackinaws who said nothing as they shuffled the trunks and cases into place, took their tip and hunched their way down the stairs. In short order Twilight had the shelves stacked with portable thaumaturgical gear, and the walls and table festooned with papers, photos, leaflets, and diagrams.

Flash had been busy in other ways. The moment they had arrived at the room he had surprised both Twilight and Spike by pushing past them and entering first. Twilight had almost barked at him for being rude.  Before she could get out a brief "Ut--?" He'd dropped his backpack in the doorway and proceeded to sweep the room.

The change from his easygoing, loose-limbed air from downstairs had been startling. He'd swung in around the door frame, scanning every corner of the room with his left flank to the wall, then checked the wardrobe, the water closet, even under the bed with a speed and professionalism that surprised her. He'd finished his quick search of the room and said "It's clear, Princess," pulling his camping bag out of the doorway and flinging it on one of the beds as if nothing had happened. "Dibs!"

Even now he was poking around the room, idly examining the windows, walls, furniture, even the floors and ceiling, poking at metal scrollwork around the windows and the engravings in the beams and posts. "It kind of dawns on me to ask," he said as he scrutinized the carvings in one of the bedposts, "Um, isn't our cover a lot thinner than it should be? I mean....a purple unicorn traveling with a purple dragon....considering everything, won't somepony put two and two together?"

Instead of answering, Spike and Twilight shared a look and started snickering.

"Was it something I said?" Flash said.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Spike said. "About us being conspicuous, that is."

"Well, ponies with dragon companions are actually more common than you'd think. (3) Plus you're forgetting one of the first rules about alicorns," Twilight said. "Or at least alicorn magic. Unless you're looking for us, or looking right at us, If we don't want to be noticed, we aren't." Twilight twiddled with one of the magical dinguses in her workplace and smiled at Flash.

Flash "aahed" and nodded. "The Somepony Else's Problem field. I read that memo..." he paused at her gimlet stare. "Okay, I skimmed it."

"Anyway, you know the gist of it," Spike said. "All alicorns do it distinctively."

"Instinctively," Twilight corrected. "There are a lot of rules and exceptions, and it's not a one hundred percent thing... and it has a chance of rebounding if you push it too hard. But alicorns have an aura that makes ponies forget that they saw them a moment after looking away. Or, well, not exactly forget," she amended, waving a hoof as she fished for the words. "More like forget that they wanted to remember."

"It makes them slide right out of your short-term memory," Flash suggested.

Twilight tapped her nose. "Exactly. Celestia tells me that she and Luna had one over themselves for most of their fillyhood," Twilight said. "They think it's like a protective adaptation for young alicorns. It certainly kept them safe during Discord's reign. In their case they've really refined it over the centuries, too."

"Just ask Celestia about her collection of fake mustaches and beards sometime," Spike deadpanned.

"I'd... rather not," Flash said. "So... moving on from the magical see-me-not stuff... what leads you to think there's an alicorn or nascent here to be found, Twilight? I know it was my suggestion, but I was only working off one of my hunches at the museum. You sort of seized on it with a lot more enthusiasm than I expected."

Twilight smiled and half-shrugged. "Well, setting aside all the in depth detailed geographical and thaumaturgical data and analyses..." Twilight began.

"And the audience thanks you--" Spike interjected.

Twilight stuck her tongue out at him. "-- it boils down to the fact that this area is, well, a statistical anomaly," she continued. She poked at some charts taped to the wall, and a detailed map of the continent. "This valley is one of the biggest thaumatic turbulence zones in Equestria, next to the Everfree Forest and two or three other areas. Mana flows here are especially turbulent, and the natural geography tangles up the ley lines here something fierce. Researchers used to believe they were remainders of Discord's reign, but Celestia and Luna recently confirmed(2) that they predate even Discord."

"If I was a big shiny magick-y Alicorn, I'd want to hid in a place like that," Spike agreed.

"It's more than just that," Twilight said. "First, this place is a source for an almost endless river of superstition, folklore, bizarre happenings, weird encounters and outright horror stories than Ooky Spooky Writer Con '85. It's never been officially surveyed but there have been sightings of pretty much every monster that exists and a few that don't. If you believed half the tales, this place should be more dangerous and uninhabitable than Ghastly Gorge.

"Second, besides getting here by balloon or by, as far as I can tell, one unmaintained, zig-zaggy perilous one-pony trail over the mountains, there's no connection with the outside world. Farmland consists of little one or two acre plots they hack out of the hillsides up above the forest line, a few herds of sheep.... Despite having a dock, they don't seem to have any fishing....  This place should be impoverished.

"In fact you'd think it was impoverished, going by the failure rate around here."

"Failure rate?" Spike said.

"Yes. There's a couple of small factories out here, a college, a hospital, an insane asylum-- though I think a couple of those last few are the same building-- A housing project, a military fort, a scattering of farms and frontier style settlements, at least a couple of mansions..." Twilight poked at pins on her map as she spoke.

"Big valley," Flash commented.

"But all of the above are shut down, dying out, abandoned or near-abandoned," Twilight continued.

"So.... something here is running them off?" Spike said ominously. "Or... making sure they never leave...."

Twilight shrugged. "There's a much simpler explanation, Spike," she said. "It's easy enough to figure out. Ponies hear about how undeveloped this area is, how cheap the land is, and figure they've found the deal of the century. They come out here and start their businesses or farms or whatever and then find out there's no infrastructure to sustain them, not even a rail line or even a decent road. So their little enterprise fizzles out.

"Same story with the rich ponies and their mansions. They think this is a great place to get away from it all, then they find out that there's nothing here at all to get away TO." She looked out the drizzly window. "Let's face it, this place isn't exactly Rio de Ja-Mare-o." Thunder boomed. "So they get bored, leave and never come back."

Spike looked "Yeah. Bored. Like that one tycoon pony who moved out here and came back a month later. So 'bored' that his mane turned snowy white. His private nurses told folks he wouldn't look in mirrors and he woke up every night at midnight screaming..."

"Spike! Rein it in," Twilight snapped. Spike crossed his arms and glared at her defiantly.

"Ugh," Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Spike's drama aside, it's bizarre. Everything that comes out here dies off..."

"Could you please not phrase it that way?" Spike pleaded.

"Yet... here we are." She gestured around her. "In a centuries-old inn, at the edge of a centuries-old village, smack dab in the center of a "haunted" forest. This place is on the far end of every bell curve you care to name. Everything that comes out here fades away, but the town of Hollow Shades just goes on and on." She tapped her chin. "Something... or somepony... is loading the dice in Hollow Shades' favor."

Spike's eyes went a little rounder. "Are you saying that the reason you think that there's an alicorn hiding here is because this place should actually be a whole lot worse?"

Lightning crashed outside. Everyone jumped a little. Flash grunted. "It makes sense," he said. "I mean if you stuck Ponyville in the middle of the Everfree, by the end of the week there wouldn't be anything left of it but a pile of monster poop."

"Fla-ash--" Twilight said, exasperated. Spike just snickered. The pegasus bodyguard shrugged as if to say 'well...?'

Twilight shook her head and went back to perusing the papers in front of her. She tapped her teeth with a pencil. "That's one of two possibilities, Spike" she said. "The more rational one is that the stories and legends about this place are just that-- stories and legends, and the dangers out here are wildly exaggerated. Let's be frank;  we flew in here and the only evidence we've seen so far of any 'dark and terrible horrors' are those timberwolves we heard..."

KRACK-Booom. "ARrroooooowwharrgarble."

"...Which don't impress me all that much," she finished with a wry look at the window.

There was a cry outside of "Hold still, yer bastid!" followed by the loud "whack." The timberwolf let out a loud "Yaaaik" and fell still.

"Noisy pests," they heard the resident timberjack growl. Followed by the slow, steady "thwack" of an axe at work. They all cringed and flinched as they listened to the timberwolf meet its splintery demise.

"I wouldn't think he'd work out in the rain," Flash remarked, flinching at a particularly loud 'crunch.'

They all nearly jumped out of their skins when something rapped against the windowpane . A distant flash of lightning revealed a sodden and rather disgruntled looking owl perched on the windowsill. "Owlowiscious!" Twilight exclaimed. "Quick, let him in, Spike." The window was thrown open and the library owl hopped his way inside. He shook off-- eliciting a shout of annoyance from Spike, who was in splash range-- and fluttered over to perch on a chair near the fireplace, giving the rest of them a disgusted look and a reproachful hoot for good measure.

"Don't give us that, Buster," Twilight said. "You wanted to fly off and do your own thing, get acquainted with the forest and all that." Owlowiscious sulked, but made no further comment. "So what did you find?" Owlowiscious proceeded to hoot, whistle and coo for several seconds. "Huh, you don't say..."

"You can understand him?"

"Fluttershy taught me some basics in Owl," Twilight explained. "He says he's been out talking to the other wildlife in the forest, getting the lay of the land..."

"Figures," Spike huffed. "Spooky old owl, flies around the Everfree all the time on his nightly hunts. He's probably right at home in this place."

Owlowiscious hooted. "He says 'not really, this place gives me the creeps.' "

"Nyerrgh."

"He says it wasn't easy getting them to talk; the forest critters around here are really skittish. But a couple of ravens told him a few things. Spike, write this down--- Owlowiscious, could you repeat that bit?" Spike obediently fetched a quill and paper. Owlowiscious hooted and cooed some more; Twilight translated.  "They said... the places where 'those who build nests on the ground'(4)--- that's what they call us--- "the places where 'those who build nests on the ground' live are bad for animals, but places where they used to live are worse. Stay away from the darkest parts of the woods, and the deep waters, and go to your burrows in the deep of night, because there are things that walk there that shouldn't."

The stallion and the dragonling stared at her. There was a crash of lightning outside. And, unfortunately no gargling wolf made of wood for comic relief. "Things... that walk... that shouldn't," Spike recited carefully.

"That could mean anything," Twilight cautioned. "Forest animals use that phrase for anything that moves around on its own that isn't alive. They call locomotive engines 'Things that walk that shouldn't.' "

"Like dead things," Spike said, unrelenting.

"Spike!"

"You read those stories too..." he complained.

"Yes, and the point is they're just stories."

"Stories that the ponies around here believe, your Highness," Flash pointed out. "I talked with the oldsters down in the lobby. They had more than one ghost story to tell-- and I could tell they took them dead serious. To the point they cautioned me to lock the window shutters at night as if all our lives depended on it."

"You got that impression?" she asked.

"They looked at PeeWee like he was a lifeline." The phoenix chick fluffed up at the implied compliment. "And it's more than just that. Look--" he proceeded to point out features around the room. "The doors and shutters on this place are made of planks thick enough to stop a cannonball. The windows are thick leaded glass. Even the inside doors have bolts and sliding bars.

"Now look at the decorations. Iron horseshoes--- old school ones, the kind that NAILED on, over the fireplace and on the crossbeams, at the four cardinal points."

"That's a common enough decoration," Twilight said. "A bit medieval, if you ask me, but--"

"The mantelpiece over the fireplace and both windows are decorated with dried herbs," Flash continued. He walked around the room, pointing things out. "Rosemary, blackberry, sage, even some dried-out bits of mistletoe. The decorative glassware, those little jars on the sill and mantel? Filled with rock salt. And I bet some of them are silver salts. The fireplace and window frames are done in old school wrought iron, or cold iron as it's called. And you can barely see it under the tarnish but the candlesticks in each window are silver.

"The floorboards are oak--- to be expected--" he stamped for emphasis. "But the paneling on the walls? Ash. I suspect the shutters are made of oak or ash as well." He picked up a vase that had been left on an end table. "Take a look at this...." he held it up to the light. A tangle of thin spindly wires and thread could be seen inside. "This is an old fashioned witch bottle or fairy trap. Weak protection, wouldn't hardly stop a unicorn foal's sneeze, but if you were pestered by malicious breezies or pixies or will o' wisps.... The decorative carvings in the beams? X's overlaid on O's, five-branched trees, nested crosses, leering faces--- Symbols that supposedly repelled ancient horrors.

"And for a final touch, pop quiz: what color was the inn painted?"

"I didn't get a good look, what with running inside in the rain-- but wasn't it painted cream and blue?" Twilight said.

Flash nodded seriously. "All the doors, shutters and trim are painted in a color known as 'Haint blue...' a color believed in folklore to repel ghosts and evil spirits. And from what I've seen on the way up, this is the way the whole place is decorated."

Twilight looked at the features her bodyguard pointed out, her eyes flitting back and forth as she added up everything Flash had shown her. "You're right," she said. "This isn't just an inn; it's an anti-monster fortress."

The thunder rumbled again. "Iiiiiii'm gonna lock the shutters," Spike said. He waddled over to the windows with unsurprising haste.

"So, your Highness," Flash said, taking a deep breath. "What's our next step?"

Twilight Sparkle was a very intelligent pony. She was sometimes too clever for her own good. She had forgotten more book knowledge than the next three ponies had ever learned, She was analytical and deductive and fastidious and methodical to the point of bordering on obsessive compulsive personality disorder, but she was not, as some more unkind souls had sometimes said, an arbitrary skeptic.

Because, after all, as we have just pointed out, she wasn't freaking stupid.

She bit her lip. "We proceed as planned," she said. "This is our headquarters. We go out and work during the day, bunker down here at night, and go nowhere without being armed for Ursa Minor... and try and see if we can't find the alicorn that's keeping the monsters at bay."

"Um, Twilight..." Spike said, hesitantly.

"What, Spike?"

"Um, aren't you kind of assuming that this mystery alicorn, if there is one here, is one of the good guys?"

All of them, even Owlowiscious, got very very quiet at that.  "Note to self," Twilight said. "Slight oversight in our preparatory measures for possible new alicorns....

"I'm.... really really glad that Fluttershy isn't here right now," Twilight said, in a weak attempt at humor. "She has a hard enough time on Nightmare Night...."

"Yeah, ahhehheh," Spike said. "She'd be so petrified we'd have to put her in a trolly and roll her around. Her next stop couldn't possibly be as as much trouble for her as this one would have been."

 

---

The Unicorn Mountain National Forest was a delight to the eye, a rolling green carpet of emerald and gold in the morning light. The breeze that blew over it was fresh with dew and the smell of green, growing things, every lungful invigorating. Birdsong could be heard in the branches below, waking to the dawn.

The Nature's Child glided in over the Unicorn Mountains, brushing the treetops, serene as a swan on a mill pond. Princess Fluttershy and the young Duke Breezy Shy were on already on the deck, warming their wings in the morning sun. Rather than her regal finery, Fluttershy was kitted out in woodland explorer gear--- pith helmet, saddlebags, and pink butterfly neckerchief(5). Breezy wore the same, along with a many-pocketed ranger vest and a neckerchief was a considerably more manly blue. Fluttershy was pacing back in forth in excitement. "Oh my, I can't believe how much I've been looking forward to this," she said.

Breezy Shy couldn't help blinking in surprise. He wasn't the only one; even Captain Snowflake was giving her a surprised look.  "Neither can I," Breezy said. "I mean, not to be mean or anything, Fluttershy, but you've never... really.... liked crowds much."

"Oh, well," Fluttershy said, scuffing a hoof. "working with little foals is different. I feel so much more confident, really. Oh I'm so looking forward to teaching all the young colts about nature and the forest critters..."

Captain Snowflake and Lieutenant Captain Zephyr gave each other a look. Zephyr, by long association, knew that he would have to be the one to speak; Snowflake had volume control problems around non-military.  "Ah, your Highness, we should warn you: young foals, especially colts, can be a rambunctious lot..."

Princess Fluttershy giggled. "I'm not totally inexperienced with handling young ponies, Captain Zephyr," she said. "There are these three fillies... oh I could tell you stories." She gave him a smile.

"Yes, but, how good are you at platoons of them?" Zephyr insisted. They were gliding in now over the campsite; he waved a hoof over the rail at the dozens of tents that clustered under the trees below.

Fluttershy hesitated. There were a rather lot of them... "No, everything will be fine," she insisted. "Besides, I'm not doing this all by myself. I'm sure the troop leaders have them well in hoof."

They came in over the sun-dappled forest to the landing field, coasting in for a picture perfect landing. "Oh look, how nice," Fluttershy said. "They're in formation to welcome us." It was true; scores of young colts in Colt Scout uniforms were standing in... somewhat regular rows and columns, interspersed with older stallions who were obviously the troop leaders. Even from here several of the colts could be seen yawning; it was apparently an early morning for everypony.  

Zephyr frowned as he regarded the rows and columns of ponies with a practiced eye. "There seems to be a couple of troops missing..." he shrugged it off. It was Colt Scouts, not the Royal Guard.

"Private Roughy, Private Aegis, attend the Princess!" Captain Snowflake barked. The two stallions jumped and fell into place on either side of Fluttershy and her little brother.(6) "Lower the gangplank!"

"PRESENTING HER HIGHNESS, PRINCESS FLUTTERSHY!" Snowflake bellowed. Fluttershy glided down the gangplank, Breezy Shy trailing bashfully behind, her two guards stepping in time on either side.

Fidgety colts jumped to an approximation of attention, standing stiffly in place with expressions on their faces like they were badly constipated.  Fluttershy quickly stepped to the microphone waiting at the bottom of the gangplank. "Oh! um.... at ease?" The colts slouched with audible relief. "Thank you, thank you one and all for your welcome," she said, smiling. "I'm very happy to be here for the Colt Scout Jamboree. I'm sure we're all going to have lots of fun---"

"FIIIIIRE!"

The colts roused in alarm; the troop leaders barked orders, barely hemming in the spreading disorder. in the distance, up the middle of the campground came a group of colts, running hell bent for leather straight for the assembly. The one in the lead was bellowing "FIRE!" with every other breath; the others were just yelling in panic. And behind them, in a rolling, smoky grey wave, came---

Squirrels. Hundreds and hundreds of barking, chattering, squalling squirrels.

They were bounding along in hot pursuit of the fleeing colts, and even the ponies present who couldn't speak to animals could tell from the sound that they were pissed. They spread out as they came, engulfing the campground in angry furry rodent.

That did it. The carefully regimented scouts panicked and scattered in every direction, their troop leaders in pursuit. Some ran for the trees, others ran for the hills, others ran in circles.

"Guards! On the Princess!" Snowflake bellowed. Half a score of armored ponies leapt or flew down from the ship to form a phalanx around Fluttershy and her brother. Golden Aegis lit up his horn, surrounding the group in a glowing field.

"Aegis! Set that field to squirrel-only, and I cannot believe I just said that," Zephyr shouted.

"Already done, Sir," Aegis said. The glow spread outward, taking in more ponies and sending some of the squirrels running. The rippling bubble of light stopped at about a hundred feet. "Best I can do sir," Aegis said apologetically.

"It'll have to do," Zephyr replied. It seemed to be more than enough; already campers were flocking to the safety of the squirrel free zone, nursing bites and scratches.

A red-maned earth pony, wearing a campaign hat and a whistle and a face so red it looked boiled--- presumably the Scoutmaster General--- came galloping up. "Princess, I have no idea what is going on but I do apologize for--- " he began, only to be interrupted when the five colts everypony had first seen fleeing the rodent wave barreled into his legs. He rolled to his feet and regarded the five scouts sprawled all around him. "TROOP THIRTEEN THIRTEEN!" He shouted, his face going even redder. "What is the meaning of this?"

Ignoring the angry stallion, the five colts turned their attention to the princess. "We're sorry--"

"We don't know what went wrong--"

" WHAT DID YOU DO?"

At the Scoutmaster General's roar, the colts jumped and spun around to face him.

"It's not our fault!"

"We just wanted to invite some of the local animals to the welcoming party," one said.

Another jumped in. "So we had Chatterbox--" he pointed to a colt with a double word-bubble cutie mark and a guilty expression. "--Talk to a couple of squirrels to try and invite them...."

"And we dunno what he said to them but he really cheesed 'em off--"

"It's not my fault!" Chatterbox protested. "I don't know what I said wrong, I'm bad at squirrel and rodent--"

"AAAAGH!" one of them shouted, pointing at a nearby squirrel-mobbed tent. It was shaking and spewing shredded belongings out the flap like someone had set loose a running weed eater inside. "They've gotten into our tent! They're going for my Fruity Oaty bar stash!" He grabbed a fallen tree branch and raced to rescue his precious hoard of candy.

"My comics!" "My sleeping bag!" "My underpants!"  Colts began grabbing whatever weapon was handy--- branches, butterfly nets, pillows, campfire utensils---and charged off to try and save their campsite from the angry rodents.

Fluttershy couldn't help it. There were just some things that inevitably had to be said. "But why were you yelling 'FIRE?' " she asked Chatterbox.

Chatterbox gave her a look that said worlds about what a boy thought about the smarts of dumb ol' girls. "'Cause nopony woulda COME if I'd shouted 'SQUIRRELS,' " he said scornfully. He grabbed a hotdog skewer and ran off to do battle with the squirrelly horde.

The Scoutmaster General turned to Fluttershy with an expression of stonefaced stoicism. "Welcome to the Jamboree, Ma'am," he said with a tip of his hat brim. That said he turned and ran off after his campers, yelling orders he knew would be ignored and blowing blasts on his whistle that were ignored only slightly less.

Fluttershy watched the growing bedlam all around her in dismay and said the only thing that came to mind:

"Oh...My....."

 

---

(1)Two lanky, crack-voiced colts who were the innkeeper's sons.

(2)The study of ancient history gets a lot less ambiguous when you have eyewitnesses to it sitting on the throne. At least after one of them learns her lesson and stops playing Cryptic Maiden of Mystery with her interviewers.

(3)She was quite correct. It was an unsurprising consequence of her alma mater's predilection for using abandoned dragon eggs for admissions testing. While most of the hatchings that resulted were adopted back into dragon clans, some few stayed in pony hooves. Most of the dragon-unicorn partnerships that resulted were far flung explorers in service to the crown, chosen because they represented-- right from the hatching-- the ideal partnership of high magical talent and physical toughness.

(3a)It has to be noted the ponies in question tended to have rather... unique talents. For instance you had the she-dragonling Flambe' who was partnered with the dashing and often slightly crispy vulcanologist Asbestos the Inflammable, and the Monsterologist duo of Fang the Fierce and Bezoar the Indigestible, whose discoveries concerning proper procedure for giant monster diplomacy were of questionable value (generally summed up with the single word "Don't"), but compensated for with his startlingly detailed studies of various monstrous creature's alimentary canals. The inside view, one might say.

(4)The meaning of the phrase is different depending on the species of critter, of course. 'Those who build their nest on the ground' is the phrase used by birds. But groundhogs call them 'those who have burrows on top of the grass,' beavers call them 'those who build their lodges on dry land,' et cetera. The common thread being the obvious one:  they think that the talking beasts are crazy for building their homes where they do.

(5)Said outfit was making some of her Guards' brains sizzle with fantasies of heroic rescues from savage cannibal pony jungle tribes featuring themselves and an artfully disheveled and ever-so-grateful nature loving princess...

(6) Zephyr noted with some amusement that Orange Roughy took the side furthest from the young Duke.

"AAAAhh! Help me, somepony help me!!"

"What da hay?" Babs Seed sat bolt upright in bed and looked over at her bunkmate. Applebloom was shouting in her sleep. She was tangled in the bedsheets and was flailing all four limbs about like a demented grain thresher. Babs moved to shake her awake. "Applebloom, snap outta it already!"

The two were still sharing the Royal suite with Applejack. The ship was more than large enough for them to have their own cabin, but after some deliberation the two fillies had persuaded the grownups to let them all stay together. A second emperor-sized canopy bed had been promptly and deferentially moved into the Royal suite next to the first, and the girls had shared it ever since.

Now Babs was seeing a small drawback to it, as apparently her bedmate was going through one rip-snorter of a nightmare. She reached over and tried to grab hold of Applebloom to stop her thrashing. "Applebloom, wake up! Cousin Jackie--!"

Applejack had left her own bed and was at their bedside in a moment. "Applebloom, Applebloom, what's wrong, sugarcube?" She took the filly's shoulders in her hooves and shook her gently.

Applebloom finally started awake. She looked at the two of them with wide eyes, panting. Then her eyes puddled up. "Oh, Applejack, it was awful--!" she sobbed.

"There now, it was just a bad dream..." Applejack said. She pulled the crying filly into a hug; Babs burrowed in from the side, adding her own comfort. It was then that Applebloom dropped the bomb that shocked them to the core.

"Ah... ah don't wanna be a Cutie Mark Crusader anymore!"

There was a rapping at the cabin door. "Your Majesty?" one of the guards called. "Is everything well?"

"We're fine, we're fine," Applejack called back. "Jest a nightmare."  There was a sort of grunt of acknowledgment from the other side of the door. Applejack turned her attention back to the two fillies. Applebloom was utterly distraught, and Babs wasn't looking much better. Both of them were wide awake and not looking to go back to sleep any time soon. "Hold on, easy there Applebloom. Sumpin' in that dream tore you up, an I think we all need to calm down a bit....What say we get some breakfast?" she suggested. A little comfort food seemed to be the order of the day.

Babs looked at the grandfather clock sitting across the room. "But it's not even four in the mornin'," she protested.

"So, we'll call it a mid night snack," Applejack said. She took on a lofty air. "'Sides, ah'm the Princess, an' if I say it's time fer breakfast at oh-dark-thirty in the mornin', then it's time fer breakfast at oh-dark-thirty in the mornin'. So there." She tipped her nose in the air. Babs chuckled and even Applebloom giggled a bit through her snuffles.

"Now let's see here..." Chewing her lip, Applejack regarded the 'Intercom.' It was a brass and copper doodad sitting on a little end table between the beds, and it had a trio of speaking horns, a bell, and what looked to the technology averse farmpony like a kajillion little fiddly levers. It was supposed to let her speak to ponies in any part of the ship, and she'd been shown how to use it, but she could never quite figure it out. "Dern..." she poked a lever experimentally. "Now how d'you set this thing to call down to the galley..?"

Applebloom giggled and slid across the bed next to her. "Here, Applejack," she said. "Single line, pipe number 3, an' push the button to sound the bell." She proceeded to show off her knack for mechanical devices. A few deft flicks of her hoof and the complicated looking gadget bent to the filly's will. The brass horn buzzed and a tinny voice came out:

"Yes, your highness?"

"Uh yeah, the girls and I were in the mood for a late night snack...um, something breakfasty?" Applejack said. "Just sorta surprise us."

"Ah, a little midnight comfort food then?" The voice replied. "Of course, your Highness, it will be right up."

A short while later there was a knock at the door, and a unicorn mare in a maid's uniform came in, pushing a trolley. "Breakfast in bed, your Highness?" she said, giving a curtsy.

"Oh, thankyah. Uh, we ain't all roustin' none of y'all out of bed 'r nothin, are we?" Applejack said uncertainly.

"Oh no, mum," she said in a Trottingham accent. "I'm on the late shift. This is actually near the end of the day for me." She quickly levitated the breakfast trays onto the bed for each of them and began serving up breakfast treats from the trolley--- flapjacks, cinnamon buns, french toast sticks, biscuits and muffins, little bowls of porridge, plenty of butter, syrup and preserves to top things off and tall glasses of milk to wash it down. The mood lightened considerably as the three of them set to eating with a will.

It took more than a quick nibble to quench a hearty Apple appetite. When the noshing finally slowed down, Applejack set down her fork, dabbed at her mouth with a napkin like her Aunt Orange had showed her, and looked at Applebloom. "Ready to talk about it?" she said.

Applebloom took a long swallow of milk and set her glass down. "Ah guess so," she said, wiping her milk mustache off with her fetlock. "It was a nightmare, Applejack. A real awful one..."

"We guessed dat much," Babs chortled around a mouthful of cinnamon bun. "What was it about?"

"It was about... about me getting my cutie mark," Applebloom said glumly.

Applejack nodded. "Oh, like before...? With, what was it, twittermites and what not?"

Applebloom shook her head. "No! This was... well it was worse. And it was--" her face scrunched up. She almost looked... guilty?  "It was awful. And it was...STUPID. But..."

"Jest tell us about it," Applejack said. "Start at the beginnin'."

Applebloom took a sip of juice and sighed. "Okay. It started out, me an' the others-- except for Babs, sorry Babs-- we were at the clubhouse. An' Pipsqueak, that's the little pinto colt from Trottingham?"

"Ah know him."

"He shows up and asks if the Cutie Mark Crusaders can help get him elected."

"Elected what? Mayor? Class president?" Babs interjected.

Applebloom shrugged. "I dunno, I guess. Anyway, we run around the schoolyard carryin' him over our heads, singin' about what a great candidate he is... he gives a speech, he gets elected, and Diamond Tiara loses. Then Diamond Tiara starts singin' about how sad she is because she's really a good pony deep down inside and she just wants to be nice--" this was followed by elaborate gagging motions. Applejack nearly snorted juice out her nose. "And so all three of us go and try to help her figure out her cutie mark..."

Bab's brow furrowed. "What does her cutie mark haveta do with being a good or a bad pony? And why wouldn't she figure out her own cutie mark anyway?" Both Applejack and Babs looked equally befuddled. It was the most nonsensical thing they'd ever heard of. You got your cutie mark because you discovered your special talent. You knew what it meant before anypony else possibly could. Needing somepony else to explain your cutie mark to you was as unlikely as needing somepony to tell you what your own name was.

Applebloom scratched her head. "I dunno, somethin' about how she thought it meant she was special like a princess, but it was really about how she could get people to do what she wanted.... I dunno, it made sense then, but it gets dumber the more ah think about it."

"Idears in dreams tend to be that way," Applejack said knowingly.

"Anyhow we help her figure out that her cutie mark means she's a GOOD pony, not a bad one, and suddenly she's all sweetness and light and gets her daddy to pay to fix up the school playground...." More gagging and retching motions accompanied this, with Babs helping this time. "And so everypony's happy and singing and stuff, and me an' Sweetiebelle an Scootaloo are all sayin' how it's so wonderful crusadin' for other people's cutie marks too, an' we don't care if we never get a cutie mark so long as we can keep crusadin' like that FOREVER---" she threw her hooves in the air and slapped them on the bed. "An' that's when we get our cutie marks.

"We give each other a high hoof. An' we start floatin' in the air an' glowin' and stuff... then there's this bright flash and there they are.  Three cutie marks--- Three stupid looking Crusader badges, made up of our mane colors. They were awful. And you couldn't even tell 'em apart unless you got in real close an' squinted. "

Babs paused in mid-chew. Her eyes started to cross. "You mean... you got your cutie marks..."

"In crusading for cutie marks." The loathing in Applebloom's voice was as thick as the blueberry syrup.

Babs almost choked laughing. "Oh wow--"

"Um, I don't think cutie marks could work like that," Applejack said cautiously. Getting a cutie mark in getting cutie marks? She had visions of cutie mark magic dividing by zero and imploding the universe. She shook her head, dispelling the disturbing mental image.  "But I don't quite understand why you're so upset... I mean, don't y'all like crusadin' with your friends?"

Babs and Applebloom both rolled their eyes at her. "Come on, Cousin Jackie," Babs said. "Don't you know how awful that would be? It would be like... winning a pie eating contest and finding out first prize was a coupon for free pie. Or a getting first place in a spelling bee, and winning a dictionary." 

Applejack chewed that one over while she munched on a french toast stick. It would be like graduating from school, only to find out your reward was to take school all over again, forever, she thought. Yep, that did sound pretty horrible...

Applebloom rambled on. She looked distraught and disgusted at the same time. "Three badges. All the same. In the one thing we're ABSOLUTELY THE WORST at-- understandin' Cutie Marks. It was like gettin' a Cutie Mark participation medal."

"Ugh," Babs agreed. "That is AWFUL---!" Make no mistake; it was an awful idea. As much fun as the CMC had "crusading," every last one of them longed for the day when the nightmare would finally be over. Getting stuck with crusading for cutie marks forever? Too awful to contemplate.

"And then our butts fused together." Applebloom said dully.

That one was too much. Babs DID choke this time, on a mouthful of orange juice, and Applejack sprayed french toast crumbs. "Don't laugh!" Applebloom yelled. "It was horrible! We all sorta... mooshed together, like a big blob o' marshmallow." She pantomimed something undergoing the aforementioned mooshing. "We were this big three-headed thing, an' all we could do was wobble around on all our legs, talking about cutie mark this, an' cutie mark that, an' going 'cutie marks, cutie marks, yip yippie yay!' " she waggled her head back and forth with a dopey grin on her face. "An' then the Flim Flam brothers took us an' stuck us in a cage, and charged ponies two bits to ask us cutie mark questions," she finished. "And that's when I woke up."

"It was awful. It's like the whole dream was tellin' me that... that the only thing special about me was that I was a Cutie Mark Crusader. That I wasn't nuthin' without that but... but just another...." She stopped and rubbed her forehooves together, refusing to meet either Babs' or Applejack's eye.

Applejack felt her Element twinge. She barely needed the cue; she could see for herself that something more than the fear of getting a meaningless Cutie Mark was fretting her little sister. "Go on," she urged.

Applebloom shrank down a little. "You'll be mad at me," she said, her voice small. "You'll think I'm horrible for thinking it."

Applejack paused, but decided to be truthful. "Maybe," she said gently. "I might get upset at somethin' you say. I don't know, I ain't heard it yet. But if'n I get mad, I'll get over it. You're more important to me than anything that might make me fuss." She reached over and patted Applebloom's cheek. "G'wan an' tell me, sugarcube. I promise I'll hold my tongue and listen."

Applebloom took a deep breath. "The cutie marks. They were a little different on the inside. Scootaloo had a lightnin' bolt and wing, for her stunt ridin'?" Applejack nodded; lightning was a common symbol for athletes and daredevils. "An'  Sweetiebelle had a musical note an' a star, for her singin'. She's gonna be a music star some day, just you see. But mine... It was an apple in a heart. Just... an apple. Like, there was nuthin' else to me." She cringed back as if she expected a blow. "I... I don't-- I love you all, I love bein' an Apple--- but I-- I don't wanna be just an Apple!"

To the filly's surprise, Applejack let out a low chuckle. "I think I know where you're comin' from, sugarcube," she said, her voice still gentle. "You're not the only one who's been afeared of that...Lemme tell you a li'l story.

"When ah was, shoot, not even knee high to you, we had an Apple family reunion, and me bein' the youngest everypony was makin' a fuss about me. They'd say things like 'oh, she got her mama's eyes,' or 'she has her daddy's nose,' or 'that's her grampa's chin for sure...'  Me bein' a little thing I got upset. I went cryin' to Granny Smith. 'I don' wanna have everypony else's face,' I said, 'I wanna look like ME!' " She chuckled a bit. "I was so upset 'cause I wanted to be ME. Not just a knockoff of every other Apple."

"That's what's botherin' you, ain't it," she said. "You're not scared that you're gonna end up with a silly cutie mark. You're afraid that there ain't nothin' special about you. That there's nothin' different about you but your crusader cape, or your family name. Aren't you?" It was a statement, not a question.

Applebloom wouldn't look up to meet her eye. But she bit her lip and nodded.

"Well you listen to me, sugarcube. That's stuff and nonsense. Just like everypony's been trying to tell you silly fillies all this time... just cause you ain't found your cutie mark yet, it don't mean you ain't special. It just means you ain't found your passion yet--- that special one-and-only something that means the world to you, and only you.

"And believe me, I unnerstand about wantin' to be more than 'just an Apple.' Don't you remember my cutie mark story... how I went an' stayed with Aunt an' Uncle Orange fer a while?"

"Yeah, but-- you came back," Applebloom pointed out.

"Ayep. But think about it, sugarcube, You have an Aunt and Uncle Orange. An' how d'you suppose we ended up with them as relatives?" She grinned as the realization dawned on Applebloom's face that at some point, an Orange had sprouted in the Apple family tree. "Just like your Pa's sister, you'll be a part of the Apple family no matter what you become-- an' just because you're an Apple don't mean you can't become anything you want." She leaned in and tousled Applebloom's mane. "Understand?"

Applebloom nodded. She smiled hesitantly, then more confidently, and tucked into her unfinished breakfast with a will. "Glad to see it," Applejack said. She picked up a slice of toast and began stirring the jar of honey with the dipper. "I guess this little trip has been a little bumpy for y'all, ain't it," she said apologetically. "Nightmares and what all..."

"Least it wasn't the Honeybee nightmare this time," Babs said.

"The Honeybee nightmare?" Applejack said.

Applebloom gulped and cringed at the memory. "Yeah. You remember what I told you about that.. um... accident at the Cherry Jubilee? At the honey display?"

The honey dipper slowed as Applejack recalled Applebloom's debacle the prior week upon discovering exactly how bees made honey. "Um, yeah, I recall that," she said.

"Well, for a couple nights there I had nightmares," Applebloom confessed. "They always start out so nice, too! I'm a little bitty pony, the size of a bumblebee, sitting in a big flower. And the bees find me and they're big and fuzzy and friendly, and they invite me to come visit their hive..."

"Uh huh," Applejack said.

Applebloom's expression turned ill. "And we get there, and golly gee, they wanna share some of their new batch honey with me-- and you know how I told you bees pass honey back an' forth--- "

The honey dipper froze. "Uhhh...."

"and they all have themselves a nice big bellyful of their latest batch, and it'd be ever so rude to turn them down...."

The honey dipper returned to the jar, and the jar discreetly floated over to the wastebasket in the corner of the room. "Pass the gooseberry jam, wouldja please?" Applejack said, her expression not changing an inch.

Babs, she of the cast iron stomach, regarded the Princess of Honesty with a touch of condescension as she scarfed down her own honey slathered biscuit. "I'm glad Princess Luna stopped by in your dreams and helped you with that one," she said to Applebloom. "Havin' you wake up three times a night to run to the bathroom and brush your teeth got to be kinda old..."

 

---

Elsewhere, two princesses-- one pink and frizzy, the other midnight blue-- sat up burning the midnight oil. Luna was reciting some of the highlights.... or low lights... of her nightly dream duties for the past few days.

"Bug Barf..." she said, her eyes haunted. "Bug Barf from bugs the size of ponies..."

A servant came into the room pushing a tea trolley. "Would your highnesses like sugar or honey with your tea?" she chirped.

"SUGAR," came the immediate reply.

 

---

"Well, like I said-- it's been a rough trip for you so far, ain't it," Applejack said. "I become a Princess and get to go on a grand mission for the Princess, you come along and..."

"And get in fights, have horrible nightmares and puke on cute boys," Babs said dryly.

"Babs--!" to Applejack's surprise, Applebloom's cheeks turned red.

"Oho, so he was CUTE was he?" Applejack teased. Applebloom just turned redder. "Oh, sugarcube, no wonder you were so tore up," Applejack laughed. "Tell you what though, I think our next stop will be right up your alley."

"Really?" Applebloom said, not sounding very hopeful.

"Really," Applejack said confidently. "Our next stop is a lil' wingding called the um...." she squinted and waved her hoof, trying to recall the name of the darned thing.

"The Annual East Equestrian Farming and Industry Trade Expo, your Highness," the maid said.

The three of them nearly jumped out of their skins. "Yeep! Sakes, forgot you were there, darlin'," Applejack said. "You sure do keep quiet."

"Thank you, mum."

"Um. Right." They paused. "Uhh, you were sayin'?"

""The Annual East Equestrian Farming and Industry Trade Expo," the meek little maid went on. "It's something of a cross between a trade exhibition and a job fair, where hundreds of businessponies and innovators all over the east coast come together to show off their latest innovations and recruit talented ponies to come work for them..." she gave them a rueful half smile. "And if my uncle Whole Sale is to be believed, to get up to shenanigans a hundred miles away from where their families can hear about it."

"....Ah." Applejack chuckled, then turned to Babs and Applebloom. "Y'see? A whole big festival of all different sorts of jobs ponies do. Betcha you'll get a thousand and one ideas for Crusadin' just walkin' around. Shoot, you might even get lucky and find your cutie marks right there." The two fillies, Applebloom especially, brightened up considerably at this.

"That sounds gr...great," Applebloom said, letting loose with a wide yawn.

"Yeah," Babs agreed, yawning herself. "Even if we don't do any crusadin', it sounds like fun...."

"You two should get some shuteye," Applejack said. "We'll be arriving in Baltimare around brunch, and y'all are gonna have a big day." The two nodded sleepily. Applejack tucked them both in as the maid deftly rounded up the breakfast trays and stowed them away. The two were out like a light the moment their heads hit the pillows. "Can't believe I'm actually encouragin' em to go Cutie Mark Crusadin'," Applejack said softly to the maid, shaking her head in amusement. "I sure hope that Expo is ready for what's comin' when those two arrive."

The maid chuckled quietly and covered the trolley with a tablecloth. "Cutie marks," she said. "They're such a simple thing, and yet they can cause so much heartache..." she got behind the trolley and looked over to Applejack. "Will you still be having regular breakfast?"

Applejack thought it over. "Mebbe just a quick brunch when we get up," she decided. "Just throw a few more apple type fixin's on the cart this time."

"Of course, mum."

"Uh. And no honey."

"Of course, mum."

 

Despite everything they still got an early start in the morning. There were just some things you couldn't take out of a country girl; Applejack and Applebloom were up at the crack of dawn, chirpy as birds and ready to go. Babs Seed on the other hand was a stumbling, grousy zombie, like a proper city girl. (At least until she wheedled some coffee-with-milk out of the sympathetic staff.) They had a quick breakfast, and then Applejack had an even quicker staff meeting prepping her for events at the Expo.

Then, the royally appointed hoofmaids fell upon them, and over Applejack's protestations dragged them back to her quarters where approximately half the contents of a Canterlot salon awaited them. They were sweet, they were polite, and they were utterly impossible to negotiate with as they set to with combs, brushes, shampoos, makeup, perfumes, and a disturbing number of other accoutrements of the beautician's trade that Applejack couldn't name. "This isn't some mere farmer's market, your Highness," the leader of her assailants said as she tweezed Applejack's eyebrows. "This is a much more refined and upscale venue. You have to look your best, not... rough-and-tumble and scruffy."

"OWCH! I am rough an' tumble. An' if you don't lay off with them tweezers you'll find out just how much!" Applejack scowled and slapped the nasty pinching thing away from her face.

"Oh do leave be with the eyebrow plucking, Powder Puff," a pony on her other side said. "We don't want to overdo it after all." She stepped back and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Yes.. we don't want her to look like a painted china doll. We have to work carefully here. With the right hairstyle and makeup, we'll give her the visage of as honest down home country filly."

Applejack cocked an aching eyebrow at her, amused in spite of herself. "So what yer sayin' is you gotta put a fake face over top o' my real face, to make me look like what I already am?" she said. The hoofmaids actually had the grace to look a little embarrassed at the ridiculousness of this. Working for the Alicorn of Honesty, they realized, might occasionally involve a few jabs in sensitive spots.

"Oh c'mon, Applejack," Applebloom said from across the room where another hoofmaid was adding delicate touches of makeup to her eyelids. "Don't give 'em a hard time. Don't you like gettin' all pretty once in a while? Like Granny Smith always says, 'go ahead and slap on a coat of paint if the ol' barn needs it."

The maids broke up in a fit of giggles. "Cain't say I care for bein' compared to an old barn," Applejack quipped.

"Cousin Jackie, they're not trying to cover up who you are," Babs said. "They're trying to bring it out."

"I know, I know," Applejack chuckled. "I'm just yankin' their tails a little. Go on, ladies; I know I need to look at least a little gussied up for this shindig." Mollified, the mares returned to grooming her mane.

A maid was currently giving Bab's short bob a quick trim. "Perhaps a pixie cut," she murmured, "so it gives a little swoop here, instead of falling down in your eye?" Babs nodded and then sat perfectly still, watching what the mare with the scissors did with keen interest. A few deft snips, a tweak with a curling iron and a touch of mane spray and the filly's mane framed her face in a perfect pixie bob....without hanging down in her eyes.

Babs admired the effect in a hand mirror. "I like it," she said, pleased. "How'd you do it?"

"It would take a while to explain," the hoofmaid said with a smile. "But why don't you watch while I give Lady Applebloom a trim and touchup?" Babs nodded eagerly.

Things weren't going as well with Applejack. "Perhaps that Manehattan style you wore the first day...?" one hoofmaid suggested doubtfully.

"No no," the other said. "That's far too fancy for this. The grand launching was one thing, but this Expo isn't... quite up to that."

"For once I'm inclined," Applejack said. "Upper crust business types or not, what I've heard so far tells me these folks are used to having a little bit of grease on their sleeve. I need somethin' nice lookin'... but practical, too." Her hairdressers rubbed their chins, pondering.

"I got an idea!" Babs piped up. She left off watching Applebloom's styling and trotted over to squint with peculiar focus at Applejack's brushed and unbound mane. "Oh yeah, easy peasy." She ran over to the wardrobe and fetched a clothes hanger and returned, twisting a length of it into a loop.

"A filly at school showed me this trick," Babs said. She reached for Applejack's mane-- only to be blocked by the hoof of the mares tending her.

"Come now, dear, we really can't have you--"

"Oh g'wan, let her," Applejack said mildly. "I don't think she'll do anything y'all can't fix in a moment." That opinion didn't seem to be quite universal; especially when Babs picked  a pair of trimming scissors out of the hair tonic.

"I'm just trimming the split ends," Babs said scornfully at the hoofmaidens' sharply indrawn breaths.

"Stay calm," Applejack ordered. "Our family's been trimmin' each other's manes ever since we learned to pinch a penny. If worse comes to worst I got me a hair-growing spell." And failing that, a hat, she thought to herself a bit less calmly.

"Really? Neat," Babs said as the scissors snipped. "Where'd ya get it?"

"Princess Twilight made us all a gift," Applejack said. "She wrote a little book: '101 handy household cantrips.' Had hair-trimmin' and hair-growin' spells. I'm pretty sure Twi uses 'em on her own mane."

Babs rolled her eyes. "That explains a lot," she muttered as she ran a brush through Applejack's mane. "Don't get me wrong, Cousin Jackie, Twilight's nice-- but dat there is a mare who definitely needs an up-do." Tongue sticking out, she gathered Applejack's mane in her hooves and slid it through the wire loop.... then, as the hoofmaids watched in fascination, turned it about and slid the loop back through Applejack's mane. She did that loop the loop step a couple of times more. "An' over and under, and over and... done," she said, pulling the loop free and letting the rolled hair fall back against Applejack's neck.

"Ooo, how clever!"

"And so quick, too!" another enthused."A perfect double chignon...."

A mirror was lifted up so Applejack could see Bab's handiwork. "There, a fancy french hair bun," Babs said, dropping the scissors, comb and wire loop into the barbicide. "It's a look that says 'oh look, I'm so fancy' and ' I'm very smart and put my hair up around all this machinery. ' "

"Well ain't that clever," Applejack said, turning her head to admire the style. Her mane rested on the base of her neck in a perfect braided double-bun.

"And you have a hairnet of gold filigree that will look absolutely perfect with it, your Highness..."

"Where did you come up with this?" one of the hoofmaids asked, tapping the loop.

"My friend Topsy Tail," Babs said. "She uses it to braid her hair into pigtails. But I figured out you could do all sorts of things with it.... buns, and waterfall braids, and yeeWOWowowWOO!" The Manehattan filly suddenly began jumping about, waggling her rear end like she'd been bee stung. "Who zapped me with a towel?" She began turning in a circle, looking back at her hip.

Nopony answered. They were too busy pointing at the shiny pair of scissors embossed on her flank and squealing with glee.

Then their schedule really got derailed.

 

They arrived at the Expo a little after ten, later than they expected--- but nopony seemed to mind. They were too busy making a fuss over Babs, and getting in a tizzy over planning her cuteceneara for that very day. Even the Roughnecks had been in a celebratory mood, joshing her, tousling her mane (which got a few indignant shouts out of her) and congratulating her on her big day. The moment they had arrived Applejack had arranged things with the Expo staff and reserved a space for the party for after hours.

The director of the Expo, an over-energetic teal and brown earth pony named Dime Shift, ("Short for Paradigm, your Highness, but please call me Dime") was more than happy to help out. "Having you here for The Annual East Equestrian Farming and Industry Trade Expo is a real feather in our cap, your Highness," he gushed as they trotted along. "We're more than happy to set aside a corner of the pavilion for your niece's--"

"Er, cousin, not niece," Applejack corrected.

"--Your cousin's cuteceneara," he said without missing a beat. "There's certainly more than enough room to spare."

"So I see," Applejack murmured, looking around. The Expo  was being held in what Applejack's countrified mind could only think of as an enormous greenhouse, right in the heart of Baltimare. Its glass and steel framework reached high overhead, three, four stories easily, more than high enough that Rainbow Dash could have done some of her better stunts under the vaulted dome, and branched off North, South, East and West. Most of downtown Ponyville could have fit inside the pavilion with room to spare. Even with the conventioneers setting up exhibitions everywhere, there was room to spare.

"Yes, well," Dime Shift laughed self-effacedly, "the E.E.F.I.T.E. isn't really what the Glass Palace was built for," he said. "It's meant for the World Expo coming next year. Wait till that comes in, then you'll see this place packed. We're just taking advantage of the early completion, renting the space for cheap for our own humble little convention, don't you see."

"...Glass Palace?" Applebloom asked. She and Babs were trotting along, doing their best to keep up with the longer-legged adults.

Mr. Shift cleared his throat and tugged at his bow tie. "Well, um, they were going to call it the Crystal Palace, originally," he said. "But then the Crystal Empire returned with it's real palace made of crystal, and well, it um, seemed kind of pretentious to keep the name after that..." Applebloom made an 'oh' with her mouth and nodded.

They had reached the central dome of the pavilion, where the stands for the convention's opening ceremony were located. They were brought up short however by a rather odd decoration on display. Standing on a pedestal behind the podium was a startlingly familiar looking statue.

"Discord?" Applebloom yelped.

It was an easy mistake to make; at first glance the creature carved in stone did look a great deal like the notorious draconequus; misshapen, disproportionate, with cockeyed eyes and mismatch limbs. It was only at second glance that the differences became obvious; the head was larger and more dragonlike, with enormous flaring nostrils. Instead of antlers it had large, pointed gremlin ears. Its six arms-- or were they legs?--- were crooked and had way too many joints, and where Discord's body was long and sinuous, this creature seemed to be made of crooked, jammed-together segments, like a crashed railroad train. It stood in a stooped over position, bound to its pedestal by dozens of chains. It was flanked on three sides by statues of ponies, one from each tribe, who were wielding sledgehammers as they staked the chains binding it to the ground. It had an expression of absolute frustration and rage on its face. It was so unsettling that the Roughnecks actually hefted their weapons when they saw it.

Dime Shift laughed. "Oh no, though I can see that's an easy mistake to make," he said. "This is a classic statue by the classical Neightalian inventor and artist, Bold Lion..... "Malfunziona." It's a portrayal of scholars, artists and inventors, and their constant battle against damage, dysfunction and disrepair." He gave the words a dramatic sweep of his hoof.

"Heh. Old Malfunziona has been on display at every World's Expo since Bold Lion carved him 500 years ago. According to legend, every World's Fair, his face gets just a little bit angrier...."

Applejack and Applebloom shared a furtive look. Dime Shift saw it and laughed. "I assure you, this isn't another draconequus, Highness," he said. " He climbed up on the platform and tapped a hoof on the statue. "Look. If you look closely you can see the chisel marks. This statue started out as a lump of stone, not as a chaos monster."

The Apple sisters and their entourage didn't exactly look more confident. There probably wasn't a pony in Canterlot or Ponyville that hadn't been traumatized by Discord's first rampage. But for them it had been personal.

Applejack had gone toe-to-hoof with the draconequus alongside the other Bearers of the Elements, and hadn't come out the other side without having her self-image shaken right to the core by his head games. It had rankled deeply when Celestia had released him on parole; it was  Applejack's rather vehement protestations that had pushed the Princess to forge the power-dampening manacles that the draconequus now wore, before the Element of Honesty would cooperate and help release him. Even now she probably trusted the "reformed" Discord about as far as she could spit lying on her stomach.

Applebloom, for her part, had suffered differently. Celestia had made it repeatedly clear that the reason Discord had escaped was that the spell imprisoning him had slowly weakened over thousands of years till it had finally given way . But thanks to the coincidence of a school field trip and an ill-timed squabble, she and the other crusaders had to endure the gossip of more superstitious ponies who'd blamed the Cutie Mark Crusaders for the Chaos Monster's escape. It was pure coincidence, but that hadn't stopped the whispers by the more foolish. Or the undeserved guilt.

Understandably, neither one of them were particularly thrilled with the idea of a second monster-turned-statue lurking about.

Applebloom suddenly ran up onto the stand and squinted hard at the statue, her nose an inch from the stone. "I... think he's right," she said uncertainly. "It sorta looks like a chisel's been at it, real faint-like..."

On an impulse Applejack called up her Element. To her considerable relief, she could sense the truth of the matter; Dime Shift wasn't merely confident this was the truth, he had the sort of confidence that came from being extremely well-informed on the matter. Not only did he know of the statue's origins, she could sense his connections to others by their own connection to the issue. She could follow the statue's past through those connections. Through him she could see that he knew ponies that knew ponies that knew the statue's past and origins---an unbroken chain tracing all the way back to a vague, smoky image in the mists of the pasts of a sturdy Neightalion stallion patiently working on a block of stone with hammer and chisel.

She sighed in relief... and got up and took a squint at the statue from close range for good measure. Yes, there were the chisel marks; faint ones, she wouldn't known what to look for if she hadn't caught a glimpse of the ghostly hoof of the original craftsman making them. "Ayep, I can see," she announced out loud. "At ease, fellas, this statue ain't gonna be gettin' up to walk around." Behind her the Roughnecks accompanying her visibly relaxed and returned their weapons to parade rest.

"Heavens, you do take this seriously," Dime Shift said with a nervous laugh.

"Y'all would too; Me an' my family were on the front lines when Discord had his little coming-out party."

"Oh. Well, um." Dime Shift was at a loss for words for that.

"Babs, Applebloom?" Applejack said. "Mr. Shift an' I are gonna be busy preparing for the official Grand Opening, a lotta meetin's and stuff. Why don't you two go and look around the fair for a few hours? Meet us back here at five."

"Sure, Cousin Jackie!"

"Sure, Applejack. But..." Applebloom paused. "Could I kinda go off on my own?"

"Whaaat?" Babs said, grinning and giving her the elbow. "Ya don't wanna hang out with yer cousin?"

Applebloom giggled and beeped her on the nose. "Well I can't hang out with you and buy you your cuteceneara present at the same time," she said.

"Aha! Bribery will get ya everywhere," Babs said. The two fillies giggled.

"All right then. " Applejack said, amused. "Lockheed? Grunt?" The gryphon and the diamond dog stepped forward and saluted. "Would y'all be so kind as to accompany my sister an' cousin while they tour the Expo? If that's all right, that is," she said as an aside to Dime Shift.

"Oh, certainly. Nearly all the venues are already set up for the early public," he said. "This is probably the best time, anyway, ahead of the crowds."

"Go on, you two," Applejack said. She summoned two coin purses full of bits; the girls snatched them out of the air and galloped gleefully off in opposite directions, their chaperones trotting after.  "Five O'Clock, you two!" Applejack called after them.

"Okay Applejack!"

"Okay Cousin Jackie!"

Applejack smiled as she watched them gallop away. They were growing up quick; one of them with a cutie mark and she wouldn't be too surprised if the other one found hers before the end of the week. Soon they'd be off into the big bold world. She was glad she was there to watch them explore a little of it before they grew up. She sniffled a little and turned her attention back to Dime Shift. "Now, Mr. Shift," she said brightly. "Y'all were going to tell me the schedule of events?"

 

---

"So what do ya think I should get Babs for her Cuteceneara?" Applebloom asked Lockheed conversationally as she trotted down the midway.

"Um, I wouldn't know, gryphons don't have Cutesy whatevers," Lockheed said idly. He strode along confidently, scanning the crowd visually, his long lion-eagle legs keeping up easily with the trotting filly. "Are they like birthday parties?"

"More or less," Applebloom confirmed, looking over the displays. "I'm thinkin' maybe a fancy groomin' set?" She took the change purse out of her pannier and regarded it critically.

"Are they likely to have anything like that here?" Lockheed said.

"Mr. Dime Shift said they had all sorts o' businesses and inventor exhibitions here," Applebloom said. "There's probably somepony with a hair care company somewhere." There certainly were a lot of exhibitions. Despite being far from capacity the midway was crowded with booths and displays; the fine arts shoulder to shoulder with the industrial, clever gadgets and exotic magic devices next to innovations in humble tools....She soon found herself half-forgetting her quest for a cutie mark gift in her fascination with the tools, inventions, and displays all around her. The staff and booth bunnies, bored with the early thin crowds, were eager to get her attention.

"... This, young miss, is a fountain pen," one enthusiastic young unicorn in a straw boater said, holding one of the display pens up. "Can even be used by earth ponies--- without getting ink in your mouth. Or getting a feather up your nose." He chuckled at his own joke. "Writes like a quill, but without the inky mess. Uses a metal nib, and stores the ink in a replaceable internal reservoir you activate by pressing that little lever..." he demonstrated, writing fluently with his mouth on a pad. "The pen itself outlasts a thousand quills."

"Nifty," Applebloom said, delighted. "Princess Twilight would eat these up. She goes through quills faster'n a porcupine covered in hair remover! Here, hold on--" she flipped open the compact mirror hanging around her neck. "Twilight Sparkle," she announced in a clear voice. The mirror fizzed for a second, and the face of Equestria's fourth most famous princess appeared.

"Hey Applebloom," the mirror said. "What's up?"

"Got a feller here with an in-vention you're gonna love," Applebloom said. She held up the mirror so Twilight could see the fountain-pen pony.

The youth's eyes went round. "P-princess Twilight ?"

In five minutes the young inventor had a brand new contract with the throne for a thousand fountain pens, a lifetime supply of little ink refills and pen nibs, and the promise of a royal seal of approval on his product--- once Twilight had sampled a few herself. Applebloom left him alternating between filling out forms for a bulk shipment to Canterlot Castle and going into giddy hysterics.

"Well, you made his day," Lockheed noted. "And his fiscal year."

 

---

"...Strongest glue ever invented," the booth bunny chirped with a toothy smile. She held up the bottle for Applebloom to see, then pointed to the various ridiculously heavy objects behind her--- anvils, cast iron safes, wrecking balls-- dangling from a steel I-beam by a single drop of glue. "Sticks to anything! Wood, metal, glass, plastic..."

Applebloom squinted. "Then what's the bottle made out of?" She said suspiciously. "If it sticks to everything, then it shouldn't be able to come out of the bottle at all!"

The booth bunny's eyes glazed over. "Uhhhh...."

 

---

 

"Oh we've got op-por-tuni-tee

In this muni-ci-pali-tee..."

"Introducing the Super Fruity Squeezer 6000!!!"

She didn't even need a second chorus. Or a second look. "GUAAAAAAAARDS!" Applebloom shrieked.

"Agh! Time to make our getaway, brother!"

"Floor it!!"

 

---

"...And as you can see, Sunflower Alchemical has been in the field of high quality potions and alchemical products for over a hundred and fifty years," the unicorn mare said, tossing her short-cropped black mane as she pointed out the array of bubbling beakers, tubes and burners arranged all around the company booth. "Using nothing but the highest quality equipment and state of the art facilities. Of course they are always recruiting; perhaps some of you will be working for us someday yourselves. We have brochures available for those wishing to apply..." she noticed a butter yellow filly with a ribbon in her mane in the front row. She was accompanied by a stern looking gryphon in Guard armor, and was waving a hoof at her. "Yes, little filly? Do you have a question?"

"Not really," Applebloom said. "I just thought I oughta tell you that brew you got going over there--" she pointed"-- is cooking at too high a temperature. And your assistant put way too much powdered pepperbloom in."

The mare's smile got strained. "Well, I'm sure our highly trained alchemists and potion makers know what they're doing better than an un-trained filly who hasn't even earned her cutie mark yet," she said with a patronizing laugh.

Applebloom shook her head. "It's just that Zecora always says you never let that mixture reach a boil--"

The booth mare's smile got even more condescending. "Zecora? Is that a zebra name?" she laughed louder, scoffing. "My dear filly, what Sunflower Alchemical does is way beyond what any tribal guru brews up in a cauldron over a wood fire. I have a degree in potioneering, and I assure you that I and my assistants know what they're doing."

Applebloom's eyebrows tabled and her eyes half-lidded. "Fine, whatever. Your funeral, lady. Let's go, Lockheed." She trotted off as the demo lady continued her spiel.

"Now what?" Lockheed muttered to Applebloom.

Applebloom kept right on walking. "Give it a sec," She said. "Three.... two...."

BOOM! green foam fountained into the air back the way they came.

"AAgh! My HAIR!!" Shrieks of outrage and dismay filled the air.

"Guess she got her potions degree at the school o' hard knocks," Applebloom said, not even looking back while her guard doubled over with laughter.

 

---

"...New seed drill, cuts planting time to a fraction..."

"...Self propelled plow...."

"...Refinement of the amniomorphic spell..."

"...Fifteen new shades of weather-resistant paint...."

"...New wonder material, nylon...."

"....fine potions ingredients for over fifty years..."

"...Our factory now produces a whole new selection of artificial flavorings for the aspiring candy maker, including pineapple, cherry, kiwi, snozzberry..."

"...Geodesic dome...."

"...magically powered tools for woodworking and carpentry..."

" Crystal Cube! Will NOT roll off the table, unlike the traditional outdated crystal ball..."

"... It's called airbrushing--- in skilled hooves produces marvelous artwork--- we have t-shirts for sale..."

"...These gorgeous black velvet paintings of Starswirl the Bearded..."

"...Rapid fire artillery for use in the Canterlot military..."

"...New strain of  blight resistant potatoes, making over 800 new strains of potato, plums, prunes, berries, trees, and flowers

"...Latest in pest control..."

That last one brought her up short. It hadn't been that long since her rather unpleasant dream where she'd been saddled with a pest-pony cutie mark, and this particular booth was triggering some memories. Standing in a collection of tools and gear of his trade was a tired-looking earth pony stallion with a striking resemblance to the pest control officer from her dream, explaining his trade to a couple of vaguely interested passersby.

Some sort of morbid curiosity drew Applebloom over. She perused the nets, sprays, and traps scattered over the counter. "Hey mister," she said. "Where's your Twittermite Gun?"

The pest pony, annoyed at the interruption, looked over at her in confusion. "My what?"

"Your Twittermite Gun," Applebloom repeated. "For sucking up twittermites." She sketched the rough shape out in the air with her hoof. "Had a bell barrel. an' a model 4 vacuum pump, an.... an you... don't know what I'm talkin' about," she finished, suddenly realizing with dawning embarrassment that she was describing a tool she'd only seen in a dream. She stammered to a halt. IT was confusing; she could remember every detail of the bug gun, how the parts went together, everything. But it had never existed. "Ah don't suppose you've heard of twittermites, either," she said, resisting the urge to either facehoof or turn tail and run.

"Dunno, describe 'em," the pest pony said.

Applebloom rolled her eyes at herself. "Well, small, blue, glow in the dark, and they shoot off sparks... the farther apart the swarm flies, the bigger the zap they let off...?"

"hmn. Yer thinkin' of the fella in the next booth over," the bug pony said, pointing.

Applebloom turned to look and found herself nose to nose with a puce-colored earth pony stallion with an alarming grin and an even more alarming mint-white mane that stuck out around his head like a dandelion cloud. She let out a yelp and hopped backward. Totally unperturbed, the pony took her hoof in his and shook it so enthusiastically his lab coat flapped in the breeze. She caught a brief glimpse of a lightning bolt cutie mark. "Wattz is the name, Kilo Wattz! I happened to overhear, young filly, and I understand you're looking to learn about the energy source of the future?"

"P-l-l-e-as-ed t-t-to me-e-e-t y-o-o-u," Applebloom stammered as his hoofshake rattled her molars.

"Hey, hoofs off!" Lockheed barked. He pushed the pony back with the butt of his spear. There was a loud crack and a flash of static electricity jumped from Kilo Watt's hair, up Lockheed's spear and into his gilded armor, knocking the gryphon back on his tail. He pulled off his helmet; his feathers stuck out around his head in every direction. He gave the inventor a glare.

"Oh terribly sorry," Kilo Wattz said. "I must have built up quite a static charge." Sparks danced around in his mane.

Applebloom looked at her hoof. "Why didn't you shock me?" she asked.

He held up a hoof. "Rubber hoofshoes," he said. "Anyway I heard you were asking about---"

Applebloom looked over his shoulder at his booth. "Twittermites!"

Indeed there was. Four enormous glass canisters with perforated lids stood there, each filed with a swarm of glowing, sparking insects so thick and bright it lit up the booth even in broad daylight. "Oh, is that what they're called?" Kilo Wattz said. "Where I come from, they're called Fizzing Whizbees. I've been breeding them ever since I found a few out on the edge of the Uberwald. They generate an amazing amount of highly stable electric current. Well, so long as you keep them from flying wild. Perfect for my experiments."

Briefly, Applebloom wondered where she'd heard about them to dream about them. "Experiments in what?"

"Why the power source of the future," he said. "BIO-ELECTRICITY!" His voice echoed and an enormous lightning bolt arced from one enormous Tesla coil behind him to another. "It's all around us, in living things great and small. The Fizzbees are only the most obvious example." He reached behind the counter and pulled up something that looked like a cross between a countertop appliance, a string of holiday lights, the inside of a radio and a garden spud. "Did you know that the common russet red potato can power a small clock or flashlight?" He clicked the lights on and off. "Well, with a little crossbreeding I've made a spud that can run a kitchen blender!" He flipped a switch and the blender whizzed to life.

"But that's nothing!" He tossed the contraption away; it landed somewhere with a crash. He hopped over the counter into the booth and caressed one of the glass cylinders lovingly. "With my innovations in Fizzing Whizbee power, soon we'll be able to light every city in Equestria!"

Applebloom looked into the cylinders; they did sort of look like bees, actually. She wondered if they made honey. "Why glass jars?" she asked.

"Glass, like rubber, is nonconductive," Kilo Wattz said. "In fact one can build up a massive electrical charge and store it in a special glass container called a Leyden jar."

"But don't the Twitter-- I mean the Wizzbees have to spread out to make a bigger jolt of electricity?" Applebloom said.

Kilo Wattz held up a hoof. "Ah, a common misconception," he said. "Now, I assume you've learned in school about positive and negative charges?" Applebloom nodded. "Well now, Fizzing Wizzbees want to cluster together. But as you know, electricity happens when a massive negative charge of electrons builds up in one place, until the energy leaps from the negative charge to a similar positive charge elsewhere. As the Wizzbees steadily build up an electrical charge, they become more and more negatively charged---"

"Ohh, and they push each other away!" Applebloom said.

"Got it in one! So the trick isn't to let them spread out... it's to keep draining off that electrical charge as they produce it so that they don't." He pointed to two short rods attached to thick wires, sticking down through the lids of the cylinders. "These poles drain off the Wizzbees continually, keeping all these gadgets--" he waved at the rest of the booth, which was full of flashing, beeping, whirring electrical devices. "Powered and running... even then I have to let most of the charge ground out into the floor." He took a moment to admire his own display. "Truly the wave of the future--"

"Well that's fine," drawled a voice behind them, "If you don't mind dealing with all the problems." They turned around. Standing to one side was a muscular, heavy set stallion. He was was peach colored, with a brown mane, and was wearing coveralls, a red shirt with rolled up sleeves, a pair of tinted goggles and a bright yellow safety helmet. A utility belt stuffed with tools was strapped around his middle.

Kilo Watt's mood soured instantly. "Must you pester other pavilions?" he groused.

"What problems?" Applebloom asked him.

The pony shrugged in a casually friendly way. "Like feedin' the things. Or cleanin' out the dead ones. Or dealin' with the bug poop--"

"There are work arounds for those issues," Kilo Watt said frostily.

"Yep. But you shouldn't need 'em," the hard hatted pony said, his voice casual and mild. "Now don't get me wrong, this is all quite intellectually stimulatin' in its application of scientific innovation, but it's been my observation that ponykind's push has been to get away from dependin' on muscle power. Not that I know whether Fizzing Whizbees are flexin' anything to do what they do, but point made." He leaned casually against a post.

Kilo Watt scoffed; electric sparks crackled in his mane. "As if you were blazing new trails in your devotion to steam power," he sneered. The hard hatted pony shrugged. Kilo Watt turned away and retreated into his mini-pavilion, sulking. "As if the wretched glory hog didn't have an overblown exhibition of his own to babysit," Applebloom heard him mutter as he disappeared through the curtain in the back.

"He don't seem to like you too much," she said soberly to the hard hatted pony. He gave another shrug.

"I would suppose that he would have a bit of a reason or two," he admitted. "My name's Red Fort, by the way." He extended a large hoof.

Applebloom shook it. "Applebloom," she said. "And what reasons?"

"By coincidence or design, it would seem my own exhibition is kind of overshadowing pritnear every other mechanical type contrivance in the Glass Palace," he said, pointing back to the center dome. Something enormous had just been rolled into place. Applebloom heard the blast of a whistle. Her eyes went round as she realized what she was seeing.

"We gotta see this!" she squealed, and galloped off, leaving Lockheed doing double-time to keep up.

She reached the center of the pavilion. She was right: it was a train engine. Not any train engine; this long steel beast was an enormous freight engine, the biggest she'd ever seen. It would eat the Friendship Express engine for a snack and not even burp. It had not one but two boilers. It towered nearly two stories high, all pistons and wheels and rivets and gleaming blue-black metal. It had been rolled into the pavilion on tracks laid down especially for it, and it now stood next to the bandstand, chugging contentedly. Applebloom could feel the thump of the engine through the bottoms of her hooves. Worker ponies were swarming over it like bees over a hive, poking and checking and resetting things, hanging decorative bunting from its sides.

Red Fort ambled up beside her as she looked on, enthralled. "The Thunderhead's quite a sight, ain't she?" he said. "My best work so far, I reckon."

"You built this?" Applebloom said, amazed.

"Designed her," he corrected. "Putting her together, well, I had a bit more help." He grinned suddenly. "Now... betcha can't guess what's so special about her."

Curious, Applebloom looked the iron beast over. There was something odd about the Thunderhead, but she couldn't place her hoof on-- "Wait. Where's the smoke stack??"

"Got it in one," Red Fort said. "The Thunderhead is the first steam train to not run on coal. Instead, it has a special magic rock inside called a Sun Stone. It draws power straight from the Sun--- sorta like Princess Celestia does-- and uses it to heat the boilers. No soot, no smoke, no coal car... just water and a sunshine siphoned straight from the sun." He tipped his hard hat back. "Means we can build her bigger, with a more powerful engine, too. The Thunderhead can probably haul twice as much cargo as a regular coal-burner her size. In a few years we could see every train in Equestria replaced with engines like her. Maybe even the world."

"Wow...." Applebloom thought it over. "But... won't that hurt the Sun if everypony's running their trains and stuff off it?"

Red Fort smiled. "Where do you think the energy in the coal comes from in the first place?" he said. "Everything in the world runs off the sun; The plants soak it up, and we eat the plants. Or the trees turn it into wood, the wood turns into coal, and then we burn it. This just skips a few steps. Besides the sun produces more energy every second than all the factories and engines and trains and boats and campfires in the world combined would produce in a year. We could put sunstones in every train on earth and it would be like drinking out of a lake with a sippy straw."

"Mind, sun stones have limitations. They have to be a certain size; you aren't gonna run your pocket watch off one. That's part of why the Thunderhead's so big. And it takes a real long time to make one, and a lot of expensive alchemical ingredients. Still, it could make a lot of difference in the world. Yep, a lot of difference."

He leaned on the railing around the exhibition and seemed to ponder things for a moment. Then he looked down at Applebloom. "In the interests of full disclosure, I ought to let you know that I've been watching you for a bit since you arrived."

"Is that so?" Lockheed said, a hint of warning in his voice. His tail lashed.

Red Fort gave him a half-grin. "Kinda hard not to. A little yellow filly being tailed by a full grown gryphon in gilded battle armor does have a predilection for drawing the eye." Lockheed looked mollified and backed down.

"Now, as I was indicating, you had a certain look in your eye," Red Fort went on. "Like you were trying to find something."

"A gift for my cousin's Cuteceneara," Applebloom admitted.

Red Fort shook his head a little. "No, not that-- though I'm sure you were window shopping on the side," he said. "You were looking for something more.

"I've been to a dozen of these things, and I've seen hundreds, maybe thousands of colts and fillies--- blank flanks like you-- with a certain look in their eye. You know, you just can't help but know, they're looking for their cutie mark. Heck, I've seen more than a few get their cutie marks at one of these shindigs. Sakes, 'S how I got mine, after all." He pointed to a logo on his coveralls; three gears and a wrench.

"I watched you; you had that same look in your eye. You'd walk up to each booth and I could see the wheel's turnin', like you were trying each one on for size in your head, to see how it fit.

"Then... you'd get this expression on your face that just about screamed: 'almost, but not quite.' Carpenters, potion makers, architects, machinery--- it all got that same look from you." He turned his gaze back to the Thunderhead. "I know, I had that same look myself, when I was your age.  Leastwise till I finally decided what it was I really was. That's the day I got my cutie mark."

"An' what did you decide what you were?" Applebloom asked.

"The same thing everypony here is, to one degree or another," he said. "What ol' Proud Lion there was." He pointed. A statue was there, one that Applebloom had overlooked in her alarm at the statue of Malfunziona; a stout limbed stallion in Neightalian garb. " Painting, sculpting, architecture, science, music, mathematics, literature, anatomy, geology, astronomy, botany, writing, history,cartography... he did it all.

"But none of those was what he was."

"What was he?" Applebloom said.

"What I am. I might be an engineer first, but above all, I'm an INVENTOR," he said. "That means I solve problems. Not problems like 'what is Beauty,' mind.... because that would fall in the purview of your conundrums of philosophy." He put his hard hat over his heart. "No... I solve practical problems. That's what everypony here does. Whether they work with paints or chisels or carpenter's tools or steel rivets. They fix things. Make them work better. And maybe once in a while bring somethin' completely new into the world. At the end of the day, we're all in the same family." He plunked his hard hat back down on his head.   "A lotta fillies and colts are kind of scared of that. Afraid that they'll 'just be a nerd,' or all be lumped in together with all the other gear-flanks out there."

Applebloom cringed. "I'm... sort of scared of that myself," she confessed. "I-- I belong to a club... the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I'm scared of just--- just bein' nothing more than that," she said, shamefaced.

Red Fort nodded. "I suspect I can understand that," he said. "But look at me and Kilo Wattz, back there. Do we even seem remotely alike?"

Applebloom giggled. "Not hardly," she said.

"Got that right," he said. "We're both inventors. Both engineers even. But we couldn't be more different if one of us had flippers."

Applebloom cocked her head. "D'you think I could be an engineer?"

He seemed to think it over. "You certainly got the spark, and that bump of curiosity about everything. Or you could be one of anything that caught your interest out there. Whatever you end up pickin', though, you might take Proud Lion's example. Him, he was an inventor, and an engineer, and a sculptor, and a painter, and a writer--- if there was some way out there to make thing and create new ideas, he tried his hoof at it. Didn't matter to him what his cutie mark was, or wasn't. Don't let anything tell you what you aren't. You own your cutie mark; Your cutie mark don't own you."

"It's been a treat talking to you, Duchess," he said. "But I got to get back to work..." With that, he sauntered off.

"Huh." Applebloom watched him go, a thoughtful expression on her face. A minute later Babs came running around the side of the Thunderhead, Grunt the diamond dog huffing and puffing along behind.

"Hey, Applebloom!" She shouted. "Can you believe the SIZE of this thing?" She skidded to a halt next to her cousin.

"Yup, she's a humdinger all right," Applebloom agreed. It was then that she noticed the ticking. She cocked an ear.  "D'you hear that?"

Babs listened. "Yeah, it's coming from somewhere nearby. Sounds like... I dunno, like someone rapping on stone?"

The two guards, curious, pricked their own ears. "It's coming from the statue," Grunt said, his floppy ears pricking forward. Lockheed hefted his spear and crept toward the statue of Malfunziona. "No no," Grunt corrected him. "other statue."

He pointed at the statue of Bold Lion.

The two guards crept forward, the fillies-- despite their hissed protests-- at their heels. The irregular rapping was loud now, and was coming from the marble base of the neightalian statue. It sounded, most clearly, like something was trying to get out. Hesitantly, Applebloom crept forward and placed her hoof against the stone pedestal.

With a loud CRACK! A rectangular section of marble under her hoof broke loose and fell away. All of them jumped backward.

"I didn't do it! I didn't do nothing!" Applebloom panicked.

Before any of them could say anything one way or the other, a bronze cylinder, as thick around as a breadbox and patina'd with age, slid out of the open cavity, falling to the floor with a clang. As Applebloom watched in growing horror, the lid of the cylinder slowly unscrewed and fell off. Something crawled out. "Yesss.... Freeeeeee!" it hissed.

It was scrawny, and barely tall as she was when it stood erect. It was translucent, almost invisible. But there was no mistaking the figure, its crooked torso, its overjointed limbs, its flared-nostril glare of hate. "Malfunziono!"

The creature didn't even give them a second glance. It glared around at the teeming Glass Palace, at the pavilions all around it, and it leered evilly, its smirk spreading up its snout. "Yes, so many things," it said. "Gears and pulleys and levers and axles, switches and buttons, so many--- so many things to break!"

It didn't even give them a second look before it scurried over to the Thunderhead. climbed high up its iron flank, seized one of the enormous bolts in its crooked monkey paws and began twisting at it as if it intended to dismantle the entire engine by hand.

"Hey!" Applebloom shouted. "Cut that out!"

"Yeah, geddoffa that!" Babs shouted, chucking a candied apple at it. The Guards' two spears followed the fairway treat as well. They missed by inches, clanging off the iron flanks of the engine and scaring the hell out of some passersby.

Malfunziona gave up its futile tugging to glare at them and hiss. It ignored their further shouts and imprecations. "No, no," he said to noone in particular. "It's too big, too complicated. I'm still too weak! I need to start... smaller." The imp looked around, scanning. From its heightened perch it could now look out over the whole of the great pavilion. Its eyes gleamed evilly.

"Yesss," it said. "More things. I hear pumps and valves, feel springs and coils, smell lubricants and glues--" it paused to sniff. "Electricity..."

Cackling, it dove off the Thunderhead. It turned into a tangled streak of smoke and zipped off in a zigzag across the great rotunda. Where it passed balloons popped, stitches unraveled, knick-knacks cracked or popped apart. A cotton-candy cart spun itself to oblivion, flinging parts of itself in every direction; a hurdy-gurdy exploded in a shower of screws and springs. He vanished from sight in the growing throng.

"We gotta catch him!" Applebloom wailed.

"Stay here with Grunt," Lockheed said. "I'll alert the Princess--" he started to go aloft.

"No wait!" Babs shouted. Lockheed stopped and hovered. "We'll alert the Princess!" she said, holding up her magic compact.

"Dang," he cussed, I keep forgetting those. Fine, tell her, I'll scout for that little freak--"

"Split up and take us with you!" Applebloom said, holding up her own compact. "Grunt with Babs, you with me! We'll cover more area and we'll be able to stay in communication with each other!"

"Hah! Smart Pony is Smart!" Grunt barked. "We go South wing-- You go North!" Deed followed word and Babs and Grunt ran off. Applebloom didn't waste another second. She cracked open her compact and shouted into the mirror.

"Applejack! Applejack! We're all in BIG TROUBLE!"

 

Applejack was meeting with the staff of the Expo in the Glass Palace's office wing when her compact began buzzing and chiming like it had gone mad. "Pardon me, everypony," she said to the table full of businessponies. "I'll be just a moment." She cracked open the compact and looked into the mirror. "Yes, who is it?"

"I SWEAR WE DIDN'T DO IT, APPLEJACK!" the mirror screeched in Applebloom's voice.

Several of the ponies nearby nearly jumped out of their suits at the sudden shout. Applejack hastily covered the mirror with a hoof, trying to muffle the continued shouting. In a brief pause in the torrent she said "Applebloom, stop yellin' I'm right here! Now slow down and tell me what's wrong?"

The volume dropped several notches as the filly repeated herself, giving Applejack a breakdown of what happened.  Once Applejack had the gist of it, she felt the blood drain from her face. "Maker save us all," she breathed. "Another one!" She looked down the table at everypony. "Ladies and gentleponies, you might want to rustle up your security and get them on the move," she said. "We might have us a situation!"

"What kind of a situation?" a portly mustachioed stallion halfway down the table asked in alarm.

"I gotta patch through to Celestia to be sure," Applejack said. "But it looks like we got us another draconequus on the loose!"

 

---

Celestia was enjoying a brief hour or two of respite. She was lounging on her divan on the balcony while one of her guard-- a thestral who had transferred to the day watch-- massaged her hooves. "Oof," she murmured. "Right there, Duskfall... blast, my frogs have been aching these past few..." Her compact rang. "Hm, what might this be?" she said. She pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Dog gone it Celestia," Applejack's open-country voice bellowed from the mirror, "haven't you ever heard of an ordinary JAIL?"

"Wait, What? Who?" Celestia said in shock. This had to be something serious indeed, for Applejack of all ponies to be shouting at her like this.

"One of your ding-donged time-release troublemakers just popped his cork, that's what!" Applejack said. "I'm down in the middle of the Glass Palace, lookin' at the statue he escaped from right now!" The mirror swiveled, showing a neightalian statue of Bold Lion with a rather sizable hole in its base. "There's a single-serving size draconequus running around the Expo right now, doing Maker knows what to Maker knows what!"

"I don't understand," Celestia said, perplexed. "I didn't imprison any other Draconequi."

"What??"

"I didn't know there were any other Draconequi. Are you certain it was--"

"Babs an' Applebloom saw him escape, an' except for bein' knee high to a grasshopper they said he was the spittin' image of THIS jasper." The mirror's image swiveled again, revealing an extraordinarily ugly statue standing in prominence off to one side.

"I can understand the mistake," Celestia murmured. "He's certainly odd-looking enough--"

"I choose to take that personally," a voice behind her huffed. Celestia started and looked behind her. Discord was hovering behind her, his arm crossed and sulking. Celestia rolled her eyes and chose to ignore him.

"But I assure you I have no recollection of this creature," she finished saying. "And certainly not of imprisoning it in a neightalian statue of Bold Lion..."

"Wait, let me see that." Discord reached over her shoulder and plucked the compact out of the air. "Turn that thing around so we can see-- aha! Oh, him! Hah! Long time no see..."

"You know this 'Malfunziona?' " Celestia said. "Discord," she said, a warning tone in her voice. "What is your connection to this creature?"

"He's one of my cousins," Discord said disdainfully. "A lesser cousin, I might add. Totally small potatoes. The runt of the litter, at least back when I ruled." he tossed the compact over his shoulder, forcing Celestia to snatch it out of the air.

"Lesser Draconequus?" Celestia queried.

"Of course, that was why he was such small potatoes," Discord snorted. "I'm a Chaos entity, I get more powerful the more chaos I cause, in general. But Malfy was a lesser, which meant he was a specialist. He specialized in causing breakdowns in things like architecture, machinery, that sort of thing.

"How come I never heard of him? He sounds like a thoroughly dangerous entity."

"How would he be? What chaos could he cause back in Equestria 500 years ago?" Discord snorted. "Make a loom tangle? A spinning wheel or two break down? In fact that's probably why he stayed so puny... and why you ponies are lagging so far behind technology wise. Any time you built anything more complex than a wagon wheel, he was there, sneaking around, making it break down.... making you mistrustful of progress and invention. He obviously kept it up long after I was made to drink from the Harmony Rainbow Riot Hose." He smirked at Celestia. "It's rather amusing, actually... you imprisoned me, defeated Sombra, even banished your little sister--- but never even noticed the little menace who was actually keeping your little ponies stuck in the dark ages."

"So how'd he end up in a neightalian statue in the middle of the Expo?" Applejack demanded to know.

Discord snapped his fingers. A mortarboard appeared on his head and an enormous tome entitled "Ye History of Ye Worlde" appeared in his paw. "If I were to wager a guess," he said, flipping through the book backwards, letting several centerfolds fall out, "the little twerp got bored making iron ploughs rust and flew off to Neightaly to cause grief for this Bold Lion fellow. Hey, world's greatest historical inventor, his workshop was probably like a catnip mouse to Malfunziona. He cheesed Bold Lion off, and unfortunately for him Bold Lion was clever enough to figure out how to imprison him and stick him inside that statue. Any moderately competent unicorn could probably do it."

"Oh dear," Celestia said. "I'm starting to remember... Bold Lion writing me a letter about having 'subdued the spirit of disorder' or some such. I thought he was just being poetic again." She rubbed her chin. "The only thing I can't figure is why he chose to hide the canister inside a statue of himself?"

"Because he figured nopony would ever move it?" Discord suggested. "After all, it's not like anypony was going to buy a selfie." He whipped out a camera, pointed it at himself, and took several photos of himself making faces.

"Or more likely, because it was supposed to be over Bold Lion's tombstone," the batpony massaging Celestia's hooves said. At Celestia and Discord's stare he said "I studied Reneighsance artists in school. Bold Lion carved that statue to stand over his own grave."

"Which would have meant that the statue would remain undisturbed out of respect," Celestia mused. "While the statue of Malfunziona would have been a red herring for anyone seeking to release the chaos spirit. Clever stallion; Bold Lion always did love multi-layered tricks like that.  Have you evacuated the building yet?" Celestia asked the mirror.

"No, we're keepin' it on the lowdown," Applejack replied. "I got mah Roughnecks an' the convention security siftin' through, keepin' an eye out for the little booger. We didn't want to risk a panic, or him escapin' when everyone started pouring out of the Expo..."

"Wait, did you say Expo?" Discord said.

"Yeah, it's the annual Trade Expo in Baltimare," Applejack said. "This one's pretty big, it's a warmup for the World's Fair next year--"

"Ohhhhh dear," Discord said. He looked a bit green.

"What? What??"

"I told you already, Malfunziona specializes in architecture and machinery," Discord snapped. "But up until this point he hasn't wreaked havoc on anything more complex than a wooden clock. But this Expo, I've heard about them---  it's choc a block with more cutting-edge technology and inventions than all of Equestria had in the thousand years prior combined. He is going to get very powerful, very fast." He looked sick. "He'll probably be as powerful as me at my peak in a matter of hours."

"And if he gets out into the city...." Celestia had visions of the factories, buildings, streets full of vehicles, stores full of consumer gadgets and households full of appliances in Baltimare feeding this monster to power beyond reason.

"He'll get powerful enough to knock you all back down to the stone age," Discord finished for her, waving a wooden club and sporting a Fred Flintstone outfit.

"Applejack! Have you learned to cast a sealing spell yet?" Celestia asked.

"Ah, yeah, just the magical kindy-garten type..."

"That doesn't matter for now. For now, cast it on the Glass Palace itself. Pour everything you have into it. That will keep Malfunziona from escaping... at least for a while."

"Ponies might panic if they find out they're trapped."

"It won't matter if you don't trap Malfunziona before he gains much more power," Discord said dryly. "You've got maybe an hour, I figure, before he's too powerful for you to stop alone."

"I'll send out a message to Baltimare's city Thaumaturgy office," Celestia said. "They'll be out there with a Logic Trap. It will hold a weakened draconequus, at least, till we can secure him more permanently. Till then you have to corner him, and you have to keep him from escaping the Palace."

"Great, no pressure then," Applejack said grimly. "All right, I'll get this shindig started. Uh, over an' out, I guess." She snapped the compact shut. "all right fellers, here's what we got to do. Dime Shift, have security lock all the gates. And tell the maintenance staff to put up signs and barricades... label 'em 'under repair' or 'wet cement' or somethin'. That'll keep ponies from askin' too many questions, at least for an hour or so."

"Good thinking, your Highness!" Dime Shift said.

"Shut down everything powered. Pass the word around to the folks runnin' demos. Have 'em shut down anything they got runnin', mebbe even dismantle 'em if they can. The less this jasper has to break down, the less he'll have to feed on."

"Not all of them can just shut down--"

"Well it'll have to do," Applejack said. "Git some entertainment going-- put a band out on the floor. Pay the vendors to pass out free drinks and snacks, too; it'll help keep people from getting agitated."

"And we'll be able to shut down the ovens and the freezers too," somepony said. "If anyone asks, blame it on a power failure or the like. In fact make that the cover for why all the lights and what not are out."

It's going to get stuffy in here soon," someone worried.

"Git some weather ponies in the air, have 'em make some cloudcover. Heck, make it rain indoors, have 'em put on a weather demo for the folks. Dang, wish Rainbow Dash was here...

"And Malfunziona?"

"Send security out in groups of two or three, have at least one unicorn in every group. I'm told an average unicorn is good enough to keep him pinned--- so long as he's still weak. You boys find him, We'll come runnin' with that bronze cylinder; I reckon I kin stuff him back in his can when we catch him. We only got an hour, so let's get a move on.

"Well, what're you all waitin' for? Git!" Ponies galloped off or took to the air.

"And what will you do, Highness?" Grey Wolf, the commander of her Roughnecks, asked.

"I'm gonna be busy makin' sure this overgrown glass jar don't leak," she said. She trotted to the center of the roundabout, pointed her horn at the peak of the dome, and fired. A stream of orange light shot from her horn to strike the glittering dome; it spread down over the crystal-and-steel walls, illuminating the Glass Palace from top to bottom and end to end before it faded away. Applejack took a seat, her horn still glowing and her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Hurry up, everypony," she muttered. "We ain't got much time..."

Maybe even less time than she'd thought; already, she could hear shouts of alarm, and things breaking in the distance.

 

---

Applebloom was not a happy camper. Everypony was going to blame the Cutie Mark Crusaders, namely HER, for everything. Again. She just knew it. She had to catch that Malfunziona rascal, or there'd be no hearin' the end of it!

She galloped along in the direction she'd last seen the wisp of cloud flee, Lockheed flying escort overhead. The lights in the palace went out; was that him at work already?  She passed several pavilions that looked like they'd already had a run-in; she saw workers scratching their heads in bafflement over suddenly stilled machines, and at least one or two where smoke and sparks were leaping out. An enormous mobile sculpture made of dozens of enormous turning gears suddenly jumped off all its axles and fell apart, sending wagon-wheel sized cogs and sprockets rolling down the midway, ponies dodging and scattering in every direction.

The Glass Palace was an enormous dome, with two vaulted hallways branching off it, North and South. Those went on a few hundred yards and then branched again, east and west, and then each branch ended in a dome of its own. Applebloom followed the trail of increasing damage and exasperated inventors to the Northeast dome. Malfunziona was there. He had already grown to the size of a large dog, and was banging on the glass of the dome in frustration. Applebloom sighed in relief; for whatever reason he couldn't escape the Palace.

"Applejack, Babs, we found 'im!" Applebloom shouted into her compact. "He's in the Northeast dome, and he-- wuh oh." The angry draconequus had heard her. He wheeled on her with a hiss. "You again!" he said. "I don't know why you follow me, tu piccola peste--"

Lockheed didn't wait for him to finish. The gryphon divebombed at the draconequus, talons outstretched. They only closed on empty air; Malfunziona dissolved into smoke before he closed the distance. He reappeared, hovering high in the dome as Lockheed smacked into the glass with a painful thwack.

"Found me already? Keeping me from leaving? Well, it looks like I'm going to have to up my game if I want to keep enjoying my freedom, hmm?" he said as Lockheed slid stunned to the ground. "I've already gotten tanto caos from just la mia piccola gita down the length of this building! Maybe it's time I spread out the workload, eh?..." He snapped his crooked fingers, and suddenly there were three of him. With a mad cackle they shot off in every direction.

"Oh, no," Applebloom moaned.

 

---

The Southeast dome was where most of the more agricultural exhibits were located. There wasn't much in the way of technology or machinery there-- most of the displays were of new strains of seed or breeds of farm animal-- but nopony was taking any chances.  Omari, Appleseed, and Growf (Grunt's brother) had been sent there with one of the Roughneck's unicorns to make sure any live machinery was shut down.

"Typical. Send the farm pony out to check the livestock," Appleseed said as he looked over the animal cages. There were pens and cages full of ducks, chickens, piglets, amphibians, insects, even several varieties of rodents for some reason. "Like I can't handle anything more complicated than checkin' on cages of animals. I'm bein' stereotyped, here..."

Omari grunted. "Keep talking, farmboy. I swear, you ponies take a look at a striped face and you think he's fresh from the jungle."

"Whaddy'awl mean 'you ponies?' Ya racist barber pole," Appleseed snorted. Omari chuckled, amused.

"Do you two always squabble like this?" the black-and-white unicorn with them said irritably as he magically scanned the room. They looked at one another.

"Meh..."

"Yeah, pretty much..."

"On average yeah."

He said nothing, just half-lidded his eyes and kept scanning.

"Ponies flap mouths too much," Growf grumbled. "Nose to ground, ears open. Statue monster could be here." It was a constant source of vexation to the scholarly diamond dog that ponies constantly estimated his intelligence as slightly above that of a stapler. As if it was his fault that the canid tongue, palate and jaw weren't shaped to properly pronounce half the words in common Equestrian. He snuffed the air carefully. Gah, too many farm animals. Not that he was sure the scent he'd picked up at the statue wasn't just that of powdered marble...

"Eh, no machines in here for him to mess with, and he doesn't have magic that affects animals, they said," Appleseed said. "We should be good."

Unfortunately for Appleseed and his compatriots, while Malfunziona knew he would gain nothing from throwing mere animals and plants into chaos, he did however grasp the concept of force multipliers and dividing enemy forces. A rotunda full of temperamental livestock fit the bill....and the latches on cages counted as mechanical devices. A crooked, zigzag shadow zipped in behind them and, with a throaty giggle, snapped its fingers.

The Roughnecks froze as every gate, cage door, and terrarium around them lid popped open.  They watched in dawning horror as a lit string of firecrackers sailed into the middle of the room. Omari summed it up for all of them.

"Oh, BUCK."

The dome exploded in shrieking, squalling, squawking, quacking, feathers and hair.

"THE FROGS, THE FROGS!"

"I'M BIT! AIEE!"

"SQUIRRELS! AAAAGH! GEDDEMOFF GEDDEMOFF! WHO THE HELL BREEDS SQUIRRELS??"

"WATCH OUT FOR THE GEESE!"

"THE GRASSHOPPERS ARE LOO-- AAACk-- PHTOOEY!"

"SQUIRRELS! ROWF! SQUIRRELS! SQUIRRELS! ROWF!"

"QUIT CHASING THOSE SQUIRRELS AND HELP ME WITH THESE!"

"MAYDAY, MAYDAY, CALLING FOR BACKUP!"

 

---

The Nightshade triplets were in the Northeast dome, swooping in and out among the aircraft hanging on display there. They were supervising as the staff lowered a half dozen experimental flying machines from the ceiling, while their unicorn backup, LimeBerry and Snap Shot, patrolled below, scanning for the escaped draconequus and standing ready with a bubble-trap spell.

"Hustle, ponies, hustle!" the sister of the trio shouted as she circled the pegasus workers. "We need those things on the ground, not dangling a hundred feet over ponies' heads."

"Ease up lady," one of them griped. "We're working as fast as we can!"

"Work faster," her brother snapped. His bat-fanged scowl made the worker gulp.  "We've got a magic-using saboteur loose in the pavilion, and we need the displays shut down and secured. He could sabotage this setup with a snap of his---" he paused as he realized that he could hear a fanblade going and could feel a breeze. "Tartarus, who went and turned the ventilation fans back on--"

There was a cough and a roar. He looked behind him, saw smoke and sparks coming from the engine of one of the nearby ornithopters. Then the autogyro next to it rumbled to life. Panicked workers scattered.

"Oh. Never mind then..." He thought. Then the guy lines snapped.

 

---

Babs galloped along as fast as her stubby foal legs would take her. All around her lightbulbs were popping-- whether they were on or off-- and gadgets were randomly flying apart. "Ahh, horseapples, he's upped his game!" she said. She tried to run faster.

Grunt chugged along behind her. "Make way for Pony! Make way for Pony! ...Pony, slow down for Grunt!" he shouted between pants. His tongue was lolling out of his mouth in distress. Little pug legs were not made for long distance races, and the bangs, whistles and screeches all around were setting off every doggy panic nerve he had.

To his surprise she granted his request and screeched to a halt. They were halfway down the South hall, where a row of potionmakers and alchemical companies had set up their wares. There were sounds of a tumult up ahead; ponies were running AWAY from it at speed. Babs noticed that the path was littered with tubes, jars and bottles. She stopped and picked a few up to read the label. " Shampoo? hair gel? Whoa. Mane and Tail ultra-perm conditioner." She grabbed a canvas bag, threw the strap around her shoulder and started gathering things up.

"What you doing?" Grunt yowled in exasperation.

"Are you kiddin'? Dis stuff is QUALITY." She bagged a couple jars of mane dye.

  A moment later several large, shaggy somethings galloped past, screaming in terror. "Da hay?" Babs stomped on the last one's tail, bringing it to a yelping halt.

"AaAh! Help! Run away!" it shouted.

Babs carefully parted the mass of hair till a face peeped out. Underneath the massive tangle of mane hair was a pony. "Da heck is dis?"

"Something went wrong up at the Mane and Tail display!" he said. "They were showing how their new hair growth tonic was made and the mixer just... exploded! Undiluted tonic everywhere! Everyone's manes started growing out of control! And then the Indie Alchemy Labs booth right next door had a leak and... it's horrible, just horrible!"

There was a roar from up ahead. The terrified pony hobbled to his hooves and galloped for his life. "Run away! Run away!"

"Fat lotta good DAT would do," Babs growled and charged onward.

"Still sound like better plan than this!" Grunt yowped, but he followed.

They got clear of the last of the runners and skidded to a halt.

"Gedda load o' dat," Babs gaped.

Not fifty feet ahead, recognizable by the giant steel scissors and comb on the banner, stood the Mane and Tail display booth. Standing in the middle of it, raging and roaring and rapidly reducing what was left of the booth to splinters, was an enormous tangled mat of hair. There were ponies embedded in it, stuck to it by their overgrown manes, screaming in terror and yelling for help. Several Roughnecks and a handful of staff security had the thing surrounded and were jabbing at it with swords and spears, to no effect. A second later a pony with smoking hair and pockets full of test tubes went running past, cackling "It's alive! It's alive! They said my Vitality formula was rubbish, but now they'll all see!---"

"We gotta rescue those ponies!" Babs said.

"How we suppose to fight THAT thing??" Grunt said. "What we gonna use to fight a giant ball of--"

The roaring beast flailed with its matted fists. The crumbling booth exploded, splintered wood and bent steel shelving flying in every direction. There was a whirring noise, and the giant novelty scissors from the booth's banner, easily as tall as Babs was long from nose to tail, embedded themselves with a THWANG! point first in the floor. They stood there in front of her, proud and gleaming as Excalibur.

Babs gaped for a moment, then gave Grunt a smug smirk. "My," she said. "What an amazin' coincidence--"

 

---

Omari and his group stood in the Northeast pavilion, back to back, beating a slow retreat behind their shields. "We need something to subdue these animals!" Omari shouted.

"Like what??" Appleseed shouted.

"Like tear gas! Or-- I don't know!" Omari shouted back as an enraged chicken bounced off his shield. "Tranquilizers or something!"

"Did you say tranquilizers?"

"That sounds like our cue, brother!"

Omari looked behind them. They had backed up to a small, but well-built and rather razzle-dazzle looking booth and table on--- unfortunately-- the far side of the roundabout from the exit. Crouched behind the overturned table were two unicorn stallions with freckles and bright red hair. The only way to tell them apart was one seemed to be missing most of his right ear. They gave him disarming-- or perhaps alarming, considering the circumstances-- grins. "Hello, officers! We're the Weasel brothers. He's Gred--" the first one said, pointing to the other.

"--And he's Forge," said the other. "Of Farm and Family Friendly Research Pharmaceuticals"

"--Or FFFRP, for short."

"--Formerly Weasel's Wheezes," came the explanation,"However any company by that name was banned from the convention due to a misunderstanding some years ago--"

"Something about our Balloon Bon Bons and the director's wife getting stuck in the top of the pavilion dome for six hours," Forge said, pausing to fend off a charging gaggle of ducks with an umbrella. "Not our fault the woman's such a pig-- the label clearly states not to consume more than a dozen in one sitting--"

"But a name change seemed political," his brother said. "Unfortunately putting "farm" in the name of our company's new subdivision led to us being put in here."

The guards began questioning the wisdom of enlisting the aid of two ponies whose business' name was the sound effect for a loud fart. "Wait, Weasel family?" Appleseed said. "Ain't you-- ack!" he had to push back a panicking pig. "Ain't you them fellas that raise ferrets for pest control??"

"That would be the jolly old family business. It's run by our older brother, over there," Gred pointed. Across the way a slightly balding, redheaded pony with a fang earring was perched atop a stack of cages. He was covered in scratches and bites and was surrounded by a mob of weasels, stoats and ferrets with obvious evil on their mind. They were using their little paws to shake the stack of crates, making it sway alarmingly.

"I told mother raising dragons would be safer!!" he yelled.

"Understandably we decided to blaze our own trail, as it were," Forge said.

"You said you could help?" Growf said.

"Indeed, we have something that might quellish things--"

"But we've been too busy fending for our lives to get it out--"

"If you could cover for us--"

"Deal!" Omari barked. "Roughnecks, give these two a phalanx!" The four of them locked shields and stood their ground. Behind them the Weasel twins dove into some frantic activity as birds and beasts rattled claws and hooves on their shields. After several tense minutes, Gred (or was it Forge?) tapped Omari and Appleseed on the shoulder. "Hold these," they both said, handing each of them the end of a bungie cord.

"What is this?" Appleseed said. The bungie went taut; he looked over his shoulder to see the brothers pulling a bucket back as far as the cords through its handles would stretch.

"Delivery system," Gred and Forge said, and they released.

The bucket shot over their heads, launching a water balloon full of something up into the rafters. It struck the highest point in the dome and burst, spraying a liquid in every direction that rapidly evaporated into a silvery cloud that sifted down over the room. "Here, eat these," Gred said, pressing an after dinner mint on each of them.

"These?" Growf said, chomping.

"Antidote," Forge said. "for our Desperation Dinner Ditching Drops. Let's say you're in the middle of a potentially disastrous dining situation--"

"Hearthwarming family dinner," Gred suggested. "When all those cousins you barely know and that uncle you can't stand all show up..."

"When it looks like the traditional enormous family row is about to break out, you eat one of the yellow mints, drop one of the green mints in your drink---" the invisible vapors descended, and birds, mammals, and amphibians alike teetered about, blinked groggily, and then flopped down where they were and began snoring loudly. "--you flee to safety while everyone else has a nice long after-dinner nap."

In a matter of moments, all the animals (and a number of ponies) were conked out on the floor, peaceful as lambs.

"Nice work, gentleponies," Omari said. He got a calculating look in his eye as he considered the results before him. "We'll want to contact you after this crisis is over--"

Gred smiled and held out a stapled brochure. "Our catalog," he said.

 

---

The Nightshade triplets were having a bit of a rough go of it. They'd managed to cut down all the hanging aircraft but three. The autogyro had flipped, dove straight down and crashed; the ornithopter had, in a moment of ironic apropos, flown out to the end of its tether, flapped its way around in a wide circle, and dashed itself beak first into the glass and steel windows of the dome. The prototype biplane, on the other hand, had not been so cooperatively suicidal. Ironically it had been built with a self-stabilizing gyroscopic system that enabled it to fly even without a pilot. Malfunziona's hex had fried the off-switch so it was stuck in "on" and froze the throttle wide open, so it was now doing its mechanical damnedest to gain altitude and speed and fly in a straight line... regardless of any architecture that should coincidentally be in the way.

The triplets, for their part, were doing their damnedest to make sure it didn't. Foxfire was clinging to one ribbed, batlike upper wing, his brother Frost was clinging to the other, and their sister Moonpenny was hunched down in the cockpit, wrestling with the less than responsive controls. "What idiot filled the tank before putting this thing on display?" she screeched, yanking at the yoke.

"They didn't, they had to fly the thing here!" Frost screeched back. "It must have had a gallon or two left over!"

"What do we do? We can't land this thing!!" Moonpenny shrieked over the redlining motor. "It'll just lawnmower its way down the Midway!"

Foxfire shuddered in horror at the mental image. "We'll have to fly it back and forth till it runs out of gas!" he shouted. He hung on for dear life as the plane swerved to avoid a hanging sign. "Ditch it into the reflecting pool down the middle of the South wing!"

"Sounds like a plan!" Frost shouted.

"Except for one thing," Moonpenny shrieked. "I don't know how to fly this thing!" She was acutely aware of the irony that she, a natural born flying creature, was about to die in a horrible crash.

"Aw c'mon, we're batponies! We can fly ourselves! How hard could it be?" Frost yelled, laughing in panic.

"AAAAH, Hard right, hard right! Pull your aileron up!"

"What?"

"The flappy thing!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

 

---

Lockheed had been stunned silly. Applebloom had no choice; she roped one of the convention staff into looking after him and had galloped off to look for the Draconequus. She could hear the growing mayhem scattered throughout the Glass Palace. But she thought she had Malfunzio figured out. The more malfunctions he caused, the more powerful he grew. And the fastest way he could cause a LOT of malfunctions really fast...

She skidded to a halt in front of Kilo Wattz's booth. "Mr. Kilo Wattz!" she shouted. "You gotta shut everything down!"

Kilo Wattz was examining something that looked like a potato-powered table fan. "Shut down, what, why?" he asked.

"Malfunzio," Applebloom panted. "He's back. He's real. He's causin' chaos up an' down the pavilion--" a flying machine covered in screaming batponies roared by overhead. Applebloom ducked, and went on. "An' the more damage he causes, the more powerful he gets! If he gets to your electrical doodads--"

"Really?? Great Scott! I'd better disconnect everything--" Kilo Wattz hastily unplugged the potato from his fan. He began disconnecting leads and unplugging plugs. For an added measure of security he started eating the potato.

"But the Fizzing Whizbees..." Applebloom said, pointing to the glowing glass cylinders.

Kilo Wattz threw his hooves wide in bafflement. "What can I do about them? I can't just... switch them off!"

Applebloom felt awful for saying it, but this was dire. "You gotta fumigate 'em," she said.

"Are you nuts?" said the insect pony in the neighboring booth. "No can do! Bug spray is FLAMMABLE."

"Oh boy, now what?" Applebloom said.

"Oh no need to worry about that," said a voice overhead. "I'll be taking that problem off your hooves." They all looked up. Circling overhead like a crooked-backed chinese dragon was Malfunzio. He was at least eight feet long now... not counting how his crooked spine bent at right angles. "Oh, my applause to the little filly," he said in a heavy neightalian accent, clapping his mangled paws together. "She figured it out. Ben fatto, il mio piccolo."

"Figured what out?" Kilo Wattz said, scowling.

"Ah, it is quite simple," the draconequus sneered. "While I am a chaos being, I am... somewhat limited. I cannot play with your little toys, I can only break them. And my powers, I have no direct power over living things-- and thus I gain nothing from them." His eyes glittered wickedly. "But oh, your api elettrici, your little 'fizzing whizbees,' they are, how you say, a loophole. The lightning they produce, oh, it does such wonderful things to your fragile creations..."

He snapped his fingers. the four cylinders rose into the air, shook violently, and then popped their lids. Four swarms of Fizzing Whizbees, enraged at such rough handling, swarmed out, and began immediately spreading as their anger-fueled agitation made their charge grow. "And after all," Malfunzio shouted over the growing buzz of the furious insects, "Am I not the original 'bug in the system?' With a whoop of laughter he twisted double and disappeared.

The Whizbees began attacking everything in sight. "Duck and cover!" Kilo Wattz shouted. He slid under his table, rump sticking out. A stray bolt of electricity cracked him across the rump, making him yip.

Applebloom yelped in pain as several of the bugs zapped her across the back and flank. She swatted at them only to get her hooves lightning stung for her trouble. She dove under the table with Kilo Wattz. "How do we stop them?" she cried.

"How should I know? I spent three days in the burn ward after I caught them! Why do you think I kept them in jars? Yowp!" he banged his head as he got stung again. "Get out of here! Run for it! I'll try to hold them off--- though I... haven't got a clue what to do--"

Applebloom felt a chill run down her like ice water. She could see it, clear as day. "I know what to do," she said. She reached over and grabbed the half-eaten potato out of his hooves and stuffed it in her pannier.

"What?"

"Nevermind, too long to explain! On three-- one-- two--"

The two of them rolled out from under the table. Kilo Wattz grabbed the cloth off his table and began flailing it about, yelling mindlessly. Applebloom ran. She ran around, under, and over displays and tables, trying to make distance. She didn't get much; it only took a moment for a sizable swarm to break away from the main body and zoom after her. They trailed after her, zapping and biting.

At least nopony was in her way; the conventioneers and attendees were scattering like the Windigo horde was descending on them. The swarm after her lagged behind, distracted by screaming shouting ponies who foolishly flailed at them with tablecloths, clipboards, bare hooves, or worse tried to spray them with water, which only got them shocked. the Whizbees quite willingly stopped at these assaults to vent their ire on their would-be assailant, broadening Applebloom's lead.

Her first stop was a Helping Hoof tool booth. She clambered over the racks, snagging a Swiss army knife and-- lucky break!-- a roll of duct tape. A run and leap and she was racing across the tabletops of a Super Turbine vacuum cleaner display. "Sorry, gotta borrow this!" She snatched the latest model out of the cowering booth worker's hooves. She dove under the far curtain and rolled out on the floor.

She looked around frantically. The roar of the Whizbees was getting close. Where would she get--- aha, a giant gumball machine...!

After pilfering an abandoned prench horn, she'd slid under a nearby band stand and gone to work. She'd never worked so frantically in her life; at the same time it didn't seem to matter-- she could see every part in her head, feel how every connection should be made.

When she reemerged into the light, it was a whole new ballgame. The over-sized globe from the gumball machine served as a holding jar. The vacuum motor was stripped out of its case; the hose duct taped into place for security. The bell of the prench horn had met its fate and become the barrel of the gun. And everything was held together with stripped screws, dabs of superglue and layers of duct tape. But  the Whizbee Collector Gun mark I was go.

She strapped the contraption she'd made to her back-- she'd had to scavenge her panniers for the belt to go around her middle-- and looked around. Whizbees were everywhere. But she needed one last thing....

Whizbees were swarming over an abandoned cart of perfume bottles. They were clustered most thickly around the large sample bottle of Eu de Spring number 5.

Perfect. Bait.

Ignoring the zaps from angry Whizbees, she waded in and took the bottle, and quickly duct taped it to the bell. A quick squeeze shot a spray of floral perfume twenty feet out. The Whizbees began swarming.

Applebloom pulled out her potato, wished briefly that it was a zap apple, and jammed it down on the tines of the power plug. The vacuum motor whined to life. She lifted the barrel, aimed it at the oncoming swarm, and pulled the trigger. With a whoosh, the fizzing whizbees were sucked out of the air and into the gumball globe.

Then she did something she wouldn't have thought of, back in that dream. She turned around, pulled out the earthing wire coiled under the motor, and jabbed the screwdriver taped at the end into the floor. With a crack, the charge the Whizbees had been accumulating grounded out. The Whizbees inside the jar immediately went docile.

Well, horseapples, Applebloom thought. I guess I ended up being a pest control pony after all. She decided she'd have time enough to mourn that later. There were Whizbees to stop.  She galloped to the next swarm and started vacuuming again.

The next moment Grunt and Babs came running up beside her. Babs had a bag slung over one shoulder, and an enormous pair of scissors strapped across her back. She was sweaty and covered with hair clippings and her mane looked strangely wet, but she was grinning from ear to ear. "You wouldn't believe it, Applebloom," she said. "I cut everypony loose... it was nuttin' but hair. hair an' a giant pair of sneakers--- one good dose o' hair oil and it fell apart--"

"Get me another gumball machine!" Applebloom yelled. She grounded out the bees again, twisted the globe off, and duct taped a toy balloon over the mouth. Rubber doesn't conduct electricity.

"What--"

"We gotta round up these Whizbees before they cause any more damage, or they make Malfunzio any more powerful!" She said. she set the sealed globe on the ground. "This'll do the trick," she said, hefting the gun. "But the Gumball things fill up fast. Get me more!" Babs and Grunt realized what she was doing and hustled to obey.

 

---

Applejack raged silently-- and not so silently-- in the center of the Glass Palace. Despite the precautions she had ordered, chaos had erupted all over the pavilion around her. And she hadn't done a thing.

She'd had no choice.

She wasn't slow; it was fairly obvious by the time that flying machine full of screaming batponies had flown overhead the first time that things had gone up pig puckey creek and got stuck. But just as she was about to stop recharging the sealing on the Palace--- surely it would hold on its own for a few--- and join the efforts to bring back control, old Malfunzio had made a showing. He'd appeared in front of her, his broken-back snake form nearly as large as his statue now, and waved a disjointed finger at her.

"Ah ah ah ah, mia bella principessa," he'd said, amused. "You don't want to be abandoning your little spell, right now. In fact... you might want to switch to something a little bit more... supportive." He unfolded his hands and emptied them. Dozens of gleaming metal bolts fell on the ground.

Applejack had shot a look down at the bolts, looked up at the dome, thousands of tons of glass laced together with steel rods and rivets--- "You son of a--"

"Such language! Hai baciato tua madre con quella bocca?" He'd  tsked at her. "Ah well, point made, Mia Bella Mela. You will not be interfering with my fun.... unless you want your faithful little ponies to be crushed. ciao." Then he'd vanished again.

Sweating in earnest, Applejack switched from a sealing spell, to a binding one. The strain on her magic redoubled, as she now was carrying the lives of hundreds on her shoulders...

 

---

Applebloom worked her way up and down the Glass Palace... Maker, was she ever going to stop running up and down again?... Spraying perfume, luring the Whizbees in, sealing them in globe after globe. She was exhausted. She was bruised, sweaty, and her electric burns stung like the dickens, especially the ones on her rump. She probably looked like she'd sat in a bucket of coals, she thought to herself. Whatever.

She cornered the last swarm at the central rotunda, vacuumed it up, and sank to the ground with a groan. She'd ground it out in a minute... she was just too pooped. The rotunda was full of noise, enough to make her ears hurt.

It took her a minute to realize that the sound all around her was... applause.

"She did it!" somepony said. She looked up to see battered ponies scattered all around, stamping and cheering, Red Fort and Kilo Wattz leading the applause. She blinked in shock, then blushed as red as a pink lady as a warm glow spread inside her chest. Darn it, even if she did end up a bug pony, this wasn't too bad.

A moment later Omari and his group came trotting in double time.  Lockheed was with him, his head wrapped in gauze. They were dinged up, scratched, bitten, and their armor had some stains on it that didn't bear close attention. Two red-headed ponies were behind them, grinning ear to ear at everyone. "The Southeast dome is secure," Omari shouted, snapping a salute at noone in particular.

Before anyone could respond, the runaway biplane made another pass, barely twenty feet off the floor.[1] it just passed the great dome when the engine, finally out of fuel, sputtered to a halt. They began to lose their last few feet of altitude.

"Oh crap, this is it--!" Moonpenny said.

"Hang tight guys, we gotta guide her in--"

"Goodbye you two, I love you guys--"

"Shut up and keep her steady !"

"aaaaaAAAAAAAA---" with a splash the landing gear skipped and hit the surface of the long, narrow reflecting pool. By the divine grace of an all-knowing and all-foreseeing God, the plane, being an experimental prototype, did not have wheels, but rather ski-like runners so that it could be launched from a track. Thus it did not noseplow like it should have, but instead skimmed down the surface of the pool. It lost speed smoothly and gradually, slowing to a halt at the very end of the pool so that its stalled propeller touched the nose of the seapony fountain statue with a faint metallic "ding."

The batpony triplets sagged in relief. Moonpenny slumped in the pilot's seat and grinned. "I kinda think I want one of these..."

Before anypony could exult in the miraculous landing, Applejack set up a shout. "Somepony get up here and help me!" she cried. Every roughneck in earshot rushed up onto the grandstand to where she stood, her horn and eyes locked on the sky.

"What is it, Highness?"

"It ain't over yet," she said, sweat trickling down her brow. "That broke-back son of a slug took the bolts out of the skylight. I don't know how long I can hold the dome up!" Immediately the unicorns present threw their own magic up to the dome.  "No, don't fuss with me, get everypony out of here! The doors are open, I unsealed 'em, just evacuate, I kin throw up a shield..."

Low, cackling laughter filled the dome, along with the sound of slow applause. with a whoosh of smoke and chaos, the three Malfunzios appeared. With a 'vwoop' they melded back together in a singular form. Ponies quailed and moaned in fear. He was barely the size of his statue now, maybe twenty feet long at best, if one were able to straighten him out. Even so, in the mind's eye he towered.  "Bravissimi, bravissimi," he chortled. "You modern ponies are much more, how you say, resourceful than I ever imagined. You actually overcame all my little challenges I threw your way." He looked around at the damage. "Well, for a given value of overcome, I suppose..."

"And so brave and noble! Your Principessa, willing to let all her little ponies flee to safety while she faces the peril alone. Of course, it is no peril for someone who can shield herself from a mere falling roof, no?

"But it will be not so easy, I think. Oh, the doors, they are open-- but I do not think you little ponies can gallop far enough away..."

"What do you mean, Malfunziona?" Applejack gritted.

"I mean--" he pointed one of his broken-looking paws at the Thunderhead, still chugging serenely away, and snapped his fingers. The puffs of steam that had been chuffing out of the pistons suddenly stopped. Alarm whistles began blowing. The engine let out a faint groan. "I don't think you know just how bad it can get when this pretty new choo-choo engine goes wrong."

Red Fort jumped up in alarm. "Holy Maker he's jammed the governor!"

"Removed it actually," Malfunziona said. "And plugged the steam lines, and the emergency safety valve..." his chuckle grew to a booming laugh. "You see, mia Bella," he said to Applejack, "There's a certain drawback to using a sun stone to heat a boiler: you can't turn it off.

"This engine, she's-a sturdy built... but she won't hold forever. Soon, the pressure inside those ENORMOUS boilers will be too much and..." he made an exploding noise and flung his hands out. "As big as she is, the blast will take out this whole... glass... THING...." he looked around at the Glass Palace in loathing. "And everything in it. And everything for at least a mile around." He paused dramatically. "I wonder if an alicorn principessa can survive such a thing?

"Oh, I guess we will all find out soon enough." He cackled.

"Like heck!" Red Fort was already on the move. He galloped up to the Thunderhead and began climbing the flank of the massive engine, a sledgehammer clenched in his jaw.

"Cosa sta facendo?---AGH!" Roaring in anger, the Roughnecks charged the draconequus. The cowardly draconequus was not yet used to being bigger than everyone else, and reacted accordingly, cringing and shrieking. Covered by their distraction, Red Fort reached the top of the engine unmolested.

"Sorry for the rough treatment ol' gal," he said under his breath. "Hang on, your Highness-- things are about to get a mite STUFFY in here!"  With that he began whaling away at the broken safety valve atop the boiler. It took barely three blows; the fireplug-sized valve snapped off like it was made of celery. There was a scream of pain and Red Fort disappeared as a geyser of steam shot skyward.

Applejack felt the blast of steam hit the dome, cracking the glass with the heat. It was now or never. Desperately, with one almighty push, she put all her power behind it and blew the dome outward. It peeled open like an orange rind, tons of glass and steel falling out and away, to land harmlessly in the empty grounds outside. Overcome by the strain, she passed out.

The roar of steam dwindled to a moan, then to a hiss as the Thunderhead bled out.  Applebloom sat up and looked around, dazed. The dome overhead was gone. Rolling clouds of steam obscured everything. Here and there something burned or threw off sparks. She could see ponies running, heard someone calling for a medic from where Red Fort fell. Cries of panic and pain came from every direction. She could see Applejack laying unconscious up on what was left of the grandstand while Roughnecks stood around her, some guarding her, some trying desperately to rouse her...

Malfunziona's booming laughter filled the air, and his mocking clapping. Applebloom looked up. Apparently the destruction had done him favors; he was bigger than ever, twice as tall as before.  "BRAVISSIMI!" he said. "And to think this is but one building in this glorious new age. Already I can hear all of your Baltimare city. Cogs, gears, pistons, pulleys, wires and valves, tubes and pipes, millions of your wretched little toys to send spiraling out of control. I will FEAST on power as you plunge into a Dark Age!"

Applebloom didn't think she'd ever been so mad. There wasn't a word for this kind of mad. Mad was hot and full of tears; this rage, this fury had pushed her all the way through and out the other side into something cold. She got to her hooves. "Like Tartarus you will," she said.

The applause stopped. Malfunziona gaped at her. Then he burst into cackles. "WHAT? Tu piccola peste, who do you think you are?"

"Ah'm Applebloom!" She tightened her belt and settled her cumbersome backpack into place on her shoulders. Her ears hurt, her head throbbed, and the burns on her sides and flanks burned like the dickens, but she didn't care. "I'm an INVENTOR.  I fix practical problems. And that's all you are... just a problem to be fixed.

"And there ain't nothin' wrong with you that I can't fix with my HOOVES!" she galloped straight at him, head down, hooves pounding.

Malfunziona roared with laughter. The moment she was within arm's reach, he snatched her up in one enormous, knobble-jointed fist. He held her up to his face and sprayed her with spittle as he laughed. "You little apple bug," he chortled, giving her a quick squeeze that made her eyes bug out. "You are completely PAZZO. You're not anything. A pegasus could have called down lightning on me. A unicorn could have blasted me with magic. a FULL GROWN earth pony might have tried his strength on me. Not that it would have mattered," he shrugged theatrically,  "but hey, they could."

"You? You are a FOAL. A helpless, useless, powerless little blank-flanked FOAL!"

"Then it's a good thing this little blank-flank FOAL," said Applebloom, "Is holding a GUN." with that, she stuffed the barrel of her bug gun up his nostril, flipped the vacuum to reverse, and hit the trigger.

Malfunziona's eyes bulged in horror as an entire swarm of extremely cheesed off Fizzing Whizbees at full charge roared up into his sinus cavities. He dropped Applebloom with a howl, clutching at his face. Applebloom tumbled to the ground, managing somehow to land without breaking anything. She looked back up at the thrashing draconequus. He was clutching at his head, sparks of lightning shooting out his nose.

 

"Non le api! Non le api! Oh Dio, stanno ronzando nel mio cervello!!" He tried to punch his own skull to get them out. This was a mistake. The whizbees promptly discharged everything they had. The draconequus lit up from within, his skeleton blazing neon white, and lightning crackling down his skin. After he jittered in place for several seconds, the light went out and he slumped into a boneless pile, eyes crossed and smoke leaking from his nose and ears. Like a deflating balloon he dwindled in size to little more than a typical pony.

Ponies began creeping up on the tableau, gaping in awe. Applebloom struggled to her hooves one more time. "It's not over yet!" she said. Good gracious almighty did she hurt all over, but her mind was racing a mile a minute. "He'll recover and it'll start all over again!" She shrugged out of the battered remains of her Whizbee gun and let it clatter to the floor. "Quick, somepony... get me some tools! And, and, and--- okay I got it, that big moving sculpture, with all the gears--- bring me all the cogs and stuff from it! And some good solid pipe an' fittin's!" Everyone gaped at her. "NOW!" she yelled. "Hurry!" Ponies ran.

You did NOT argue with somepony who'd just TKO'd a draconequus.

Moments later, ponies were rolling the wagon-wheel sized gears to where Applebloom stood. Following her instructions, they laid the gear flat on the floor, picked the draconequus up and  piled him in the middle of it in a loose coil. Applebloom was already whacking together the beginnings of some sort of framework out of metal pipe and rebar. Sweat was running in her eyes and she hurt all over in ways she didn't know was possible... lordy did those burns on her flank sting... but she couldn't stop. Not till it was done.

Thank goodness there were so many ponies ready to follow her instructions. Hooves came from nowhere to help hold the frame, to tighten bolts; one pair helped hold her up when she started to topple. Her vision blurred; she kept right on working and shouted for another length of pipe, another joint, another fitting.

It took forever before it was finished. She was nearly blind with exhaustion when she twisted the last bolt in place and staggered back to admire her work. "Eyup," she said, smiling in satisfaction. "That oughta hold him."

Then she slumped to the floor. Sakes, her flanks stung. And her back and head felt funny too. And everything seemed to be disappearing into sparkly....light....

 

 

---

[1] Ducka you head. Lollobridgida.

 

"YAGH!" Applebloom snapped awake so suddenly that all four hooves went into the air. She lay there panting for a second, trying to get a grip on herself. After her heart slowed a bit she sank back into her pillow. Sakes alive, what a wakeup.

"Bad dream?" Applejack said, smiling at her over the rail of the hospital bed.

Applebloom yawned and rubbed her eyes. "No, actually I--" wait a minute. Hospital bed? She sat up. Yes, it was a hospital bed. There was a doctor standing there. Applejack was sitting by her side. "What the hay?" she croaked.

"Here, have some water," Applejack said, pressing a cup into her hooves. "Drink it slow now." Applebloom obeyed, sipping carefully, letting the coolth slide down her throat and cut through the dry raspies.

"Sakes you gave us a start," Applejack pulled her into a hug. "Thank heavens you're all right..." She sat back and looked Applebloom over, beaming and a little teary-eyed. "Don't do that to me ever again, y'hear?"

"Okay..." Applebloom said, confused. The doctor stepped in.

"If I may..." he quickly listened to Applebloom's heart, checked her temperature on her forehead, checked her reflexes with a hammer, looked into her ears and eyes with a little light. "Why'd you jump up like that, if I may ask?" he said.

"I... did you ever doze off in the middle of doin' something important?" Applebloom said. "An' then you wake up and go 'omigosh, I---' Omigosh, Malfunziona!" She almost jumped out of the bed.

Applejack chuckled and pushed her back down. "Now easy does it, there," she said. "That crooked rascal's taken care of. Though there's some ponies who want to ask you questions about what you did..." there was a commotion out in the hallway. "But that can wait for a minute. You got a few visitors first." The door opened, and in poured a half dozen folks, all shouting out in relief when they saw her sitting up awake. Babs was first through the door, hopping with excitement; she was wearing an enormous pair of scissors strapped across her back for some reason. Then came Lockheed; the gryphon was sporting a bandage around his head and a big smile. Growf and Grunt came in. Next, to her surprise, was Kilo Wattz. He'd actually slicked his hair down and was looking rather scholastic and respectable. Then, in a wheelchair, was--

"Red Fort!" Applebloom squealed with glee. "You're alive!!"

"By the grace of the Maker, yeah," the engineer said with a half grin. It had to be half; most of his left side was covered in bandages. "Shoulda been parboiled, but pure luck-- the safety valve broke off crooked. It hit me in the chest and knocked me outta the way a split second before the steam could cook me." He winced a little. "It don't feel too fun, but I'm alive. I like to think the old Thunderhead reached out and love-tapped me to save my hide. Glad to see you're feeling better."

"What happened?" Applebloom asked, rubbing her eyes. "why am I here?"

"Well you've been asleep for almost two days," Applejack said. "Ever since--"

"Two days? Hokey smokes..." Applebloom suddenly turned red. "Oh wow," she said, squirming suddenly. "That explains a few things..."

A hasty run to the little fillies room, and a quick return, set everyone chuckling. Mortified, Applebloom got a boost and climbed back into bed. "whuf, I still feel so tired..." she said.

"Not surprising, all considered." The doctor said.

"Well?" Babs said, hopping up and down on her hooftips and grinning eagerly. "Do ya feel any different?"

"Different? Why would I--" She stopped, her breath catching. She remembered that crazy tingling on her flank--- She started to pull up her hospital gown to look, then stopped and clapped her hooves to her eyes. "I can't look," she whimpered. "It... it isn't a bug-catching cutie mark, is it?"

There was a long, strange pause. "Uh... no... but I think she was talking about--"

"Ah can't stand it!" Applebloom pulled her hospital gown around to look at her bare flank.

No, not bare. A cutie marked flank. An apple, overlaid by a shiny metal gear and an Erlenmeyer flask, surrounded by a golden laurel wreath.

I'm an INVENTOR. I solve practical problems...

"OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH YES YES YES!" Applebloom bounced up and down in the bed, her wings buzzing with excitement.

Wait. What? What? WHAT?

She flapped them again. Once. Twice. Hesitantly, she reached up with a hoof and brushed her forehead--- and tapped the tip of a horn. Flabbergasted. Gobsmacked. Boggled. Croggled. She found herself wishing Sweetiebelle was there because she couldn't think of a word sufficient to describe how knocked for a loop she was. She looked up at the others, her eyes round and her jaw slack.

And they were staring back at her, just as flummoxed. Babs was the first to crack. The Manehattan filly started cackling. Then HOWLING. "She-- she noticed the Cutie Mark FIRST??" She rocked back and forth in her seat, laughing so hard she could barely breathe and clutching her sides.

Applejack joined in, laughing till tears rolled down her face. "Horn? Nah. Wings? Nah. But my oh my, she gets her cutie mark and she.... oh hoo hahahahahahah!!" She leaned helplessly against the rail of the hospital bed and laughed her lungs out. Pretty soon the rest of the ponies and others there were chuckling too, if not laughing out loud. Applebloom just sat there with her lower lip pooched out and glared at them all. That only made them laugh harder.

Eventually the laughter faded back to good-natured chuckling. Applejack reached over and tousled Applebloom's mane. "Oh don't be like that, Sugarcube," she said. "We're all just happy for you, is all. Besides--" she gave her baby sister a nose boop. "It is kinda funny."

Applebloom tried to keep sulking, but finally gave in and gave her a grin. "Sorry, Babs," she said. "Guess I sorta stepped all over your cuteceneara, huh?"

Babs  pretended to huff. "Oh, well I NEVER!" She said in her snottiest imitation of an upper crust Manehattan accent. "Going and ASCENDING on MY cuteceneara day?" she gave a haughty sniff. "SOME ponies simply have NO class a-TALL..." She tossed her mane, then grinned when Applebloom giggle-snorted. "Ahh, c'mon, geddoudahea. It's great! Now it's a double-cutieceneara! And an--- Ascendencineara? Is that a thing?"

"Guess it's gonna be," Applebloom said. "But... why me? Why'd I ascend?"

"I think that would be obvious," a familiar voice said. Applebloom turned and found herself face to face with Celestia's smiling image.

"Oh, Princess Celestia, you're here!" Then she sat back and realized the image was framed by a mirror. They had apparently wheeled Applejack's magic mirror-wardrobe into the hospital room. "Oh... um... I guess you're not here. But... why would it be obvious?"

Celestia smiled warmly. "Honestly, are all Apples so self-effacing?"

"Not me, I'm fulla beans," Babs said, smirking.

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "True enough," she teased. "But Applebloom, think about what you did the other day. You pushed yourself further than ponies twice your age, with ten times your power and training would manage. You not only earned your Cutie Mark with your talent, you used it to defeat and imprison a Draconequus--- something even Luna and I only managed with the Elements of Harmony."

Discord's face appeared briefly in the mirror behind her. "In other words, she cheated. Nyeah." He stuck his tongue out at Celestia while Applebloom stifled her giggles.

"Discord--!" Celestia said, annoyed. Discord gave everyone a "who me?" look and vanished. "As I was saying," Celestia continued with a roll of her eyes, "You ascended, because you transcended. Those who witnessed it are already calling you 'the Alicorn of Invention.' " She dimpled, her eyes twinkling in amusement. "Already you've demonstrated a knack for inspiring others. Ponies are already halfway to making you and your friends into folk heroes. Stories of the Brave little Barber--"

Babs grinned and Applebloom cocked an eyebrow. "That I gotta hear," Applebloom said.

"The Thunderhead Engineer, who risked death to save a Princess...."

At this, Red Fort coughed into his hoof and looked off at nothing in particular. While Applejack... dimpled at him?? "Okay, that's another I gotta hear..." Applebloom giggled, giving her sister a look that promised all SORTS of embarrassing questions later.

"And... well suffice it to say that a surprising number of legends were born just the other day," Celestia concluded.

"Forgive me for interrupting, your Highness," Kilo Wattz said. "But there is one mystery that I would like to clarify-- to satisfy my curiosity as a scientist.... that... cage that Princess Applebloom built..."

"I have to concur," Red Fort said. "I must confess that my own engineering inclined bump of curiosity was aroused. If the young filly wouldn't mind explaining?"

"Oh indeed, I did want to ask about that myself," Celestia said. "Babs, dear, would you open another leaf of the mirror so I-- oh good. Thank you." The portion of the mirror Babs unfolded clouded, then cleared to show the interior of the rather badly damaged Glass Palace. Standing in the middle of the floor was a giant construction of metal. It was a bare tubular framework of an isocahedron, inside of which was a dodecahedron made of interlocking gears. Every now and then the object shook slightly, as if something inside was struggling mightily. Sulfurous swearing in Neightalian emanated from within.

"I'll keep the question simple," Celestia said. "How is this cage of gears possibly holding him?"

"Oh, it's simple," Applebloom said. "It's holding him because it's built right-- but still doesn't work right."

Celestia paused, her brow furrowed. "Pardon?"

"See, I kinda wondered how Proud Lion managed to hold him in a bronze tube. Till Malfunziona told me the secret himself.

"He's a chaos critter, a Draconequus--"

"Lesser," came the echo of Discord's voice from the mirror.

"--And, like he told me: he can't use mechanical stuff. And he really can't repair anything. It's totally backward to what he is. All he can do is break stuff. Can you show a picture of the canister, Princess Celestia?" Celestia nodded and the imaged changed to that of the canister sitting on a workman's table.  "Now I didn't get a long look at the canister Malfunziona broke out of, but I did notice one thing: It's got a trick lid. If you try and unscrew the lid, it tightens in the other direction. Sorta like a Chinese hoof puzzle. No matter which way y' turned it, you were still tightening it. So, like, breaking the seal made it seal more. And the rules of his own power wouldn't let him open it."

"So how'd he escape?" Applejack asked.

Applebloom shrugged. "The canister musta got damaged from the outside," she said. "See that dent on that side? That there must've done it.. bend the seal so that turning it one way stripped it. " Applebloom shrugged again. "I decided to make something a li'l sturdier." she sketched out three gears in the air with her hoof--- and yeeped in surprise when pale yellow lines of magic formed the actual image in the air. Crossing her eyes she saw that her horn was lit. "Whups." She decided to roll with it. "see these three gears? What's wrong with 'em?"

Red Fort chuckled. "you put three gears like that, they won't turn," he said. "They're locked together-- oh, I see." He glanced at the mirror, which had returned to an image of the cog-wheel prison. "Slick trick there, pint-size."

"Yup. The big ball o' gears is the same way, all around. The whole thing is a machine that can't work." Applebloom nodded. "I spaced 'em a li'l off, so if you break any one gear, all the gears will turn free. But Malfunziona can't break any of them, because his power won't let him."

"AhahaHAAAA!" Kilo Wattz. "Because the whole thing is a machine that, if he breaks it, he fixes it." He clapped his hooves. "Brilliant!"

"I wonder what happens to him if he does," Babs wondered.

Discord reappeared in the mirror behind Celestia, sticking his head around a corner in the background. "Something unpleasant, I assure you," he called out. "Using your magic against its nature is really, REALLY bad for us D-qs..."

"Discord..." Celestia said, annoyed. He popped in closer. In FRONT of Celestia this time.

"I'm more of a big shot than him so I have less restraints," he went on, "Mine is that my magic has to have... something random in it. But even I don't try to run contrary to my nature." He shuddered. "I did it once. Distinctly unpleasant."

"Ack! Discord, get out of my--" Celestia said. He disappeared, then reappeared back out in the hallway behind her.

"Had cramps for three weeks after!"

"DISCORD! OUT!"

"Couldn't he just... use his muscles and whack it, 'r somethin'?" Applejack pointed out.

Applebloom shook her head. "Remember how puny he was? I think all his muscle is magic." She thought about it. "You prob'ly better tell them mages to seal all that in somethin' more airtight, in case he gets clever, lets all his power fizzle out, and slips out through the cracks."

"I will," Celestia said. "They'll be able to incorporate your trap into his final prison, now that we understand the logic behind it."

"Logic? Bleeeaaaahh..."

"Discord, so help me---!"

Applebloom giggled fit to bust. "Well, gosh, now what?"

"Now..." Applejack said. "You rest up a bit...."

"Awww..."

"And we plan you and Bab's Cuteceneara," Applejack said. Applebloom and Babs cheered. "--er, Ascensioneara. Coronation. Thing."

"Big party," Red Fort proffered.

"That'll do."

"This is so... crazy," Applebloom yawned and grinned. A faint worried expression crossed her face. "But, I don't wanna sound whiny or nuthin but... why didn't Sweetiebelle or Scootaloo call?"

Celestia chuckled. "As it turns out..."

 

None of this, from the decadent dining down to the plush carpeting, had come cheap. The Mane Six's royally assigned financier, Bean Counter, had nearly had a chain of heart attacks when he saw the bills.  Then he had seen how the Alicorn of Generosity had defrayed most of the expense and had barely been able to restrain himself from begging for her hoof in marriage.

Once their 'World Tour' had been announced, she had gone out and sold tickets. The wealthiest, most powerful and most influential beings in Equestria--- diplomats, celebrities, nobility, corporate tycoons-- had been offered passage. If you had to ask how much it cost, you couldn't afford it. The prestige of such a booking was too good to resist; ponies dripping with diamonds and bits eagerly paid for berthing aboard the luxurious royal ship for its projected round-the-world voyage. 75% of the gross had gone to miscellaneous charities; the remaining 25% had gone into expenses of the voyage such as crew salaries and ship supplies.

Rarity was also cunning enough to offer berthing to a small mob of reporters, gossip columnists, glam magazines-- she gave the writers and photographers free passage but secured deals with their publishers and editors for celebrity access, raking in fees for interviews and exclusives... not only with herself, but acting as middle-mare with her guests and passengers, many of whom it so happened she knew personally. Vetting such deals was lucrative; she halved the expense of the ship's refitting with the deal she brokered for an interview with Countess Coloratura alone.

Best of all, among her coterie was the newest fashion designer on the Canterlot scene, the mysterious and elusive Lady Midnight Mystique, whose designs were worn by all of the Princesses and whose work was more sought after and coveted than the crown jewels. She had sprung from nowhere onto the fashion scene with the coronation of the Mane Six, and was now an agent under Princess Rarity. She even had her own boutique on board the ship; Princess Rarity wore her gowns exclusively and gifted her highest ranking members of her staff with outfits from the mysterious mare's hoof ("it would do no good to have my entourage around me not looking their very best, after all.")  With a captive audience of the wealthiest clothes horses in Equestria on board, Mystique's Boutique was doing a galloping business. No price could seem to be high enough, as enough money to float a small kingdom flowed into the flying palace's coffers. The paparazzi were going mad trying to catch a glimpse, much less a photo of the elusive fashionista, to no success. She was a ghost on board the ship, and the staff were fanatically protective of her privacy.

The fact that her "little boutique" was directly below Princess Rarity's own quarters, and directly accessible to them by a single spiral staircase, didn't even arouse any suspicion. Much to the amusement of Princess Rarity's Radiant Guard.

There were more unusual corners aboard the ship than a mere traveling boutique. Rarity, like the other newly made alicorn princesses, had a precocious gift for gathering those of unique and even exotic talents around her.... in a kingdom inhabited by a race of natural savants, that was saying something. But she was smart enough to know it behooved her to provide adequate facilities for those she employed to exercise whatever gifts they possessed. ("One does not hire a performing dolphin, put them in a fish bowl, and then complain when their performance becomes sub-par, my dear.")  In addition to the boutique, tucked here and there about the ship were, among other things, a small metalworking toolshop, an apothecary, a costuming and makeup room, several walk-in closets that doubled as miniature armories with enough stabby, pointy, and shooty things to keep a dojo full of action-movie ninjas happy, a magic artifacts laboratory, a chamber with encryption and decryption tools, a complete supply of antitoxins and antivenoms (alongside bottled doses of very good reasons to have them) and a number of other odd little private workspaces along with secret entrances and passageways to access them.

There were more benign workrooms and such as well-- an apiary, an aquarium, a small glassworking studio--- but the majority of them typified the sort of guardponies assigned to the Radiant Guard. As Dapper Blue had told Sweetiebelle, the Guards of day and night battered their attackers into submission but The Radiant Guard were almost all Black Flag specialists. They took out their targets quickly, ruthlessly, and permanently, and their various 'hobbies' and skills reflected this.

Concerning Dapper Blue, among the more deceptively mundane of these siderooms was his own; a greenhouse. It was a fifty foot long glass and aluminum frame chamber on the top of the zeppelin's envelope where it could gain the best sunlight, that ran down the steel spine of the balloon.  It was there that Dapper spent his idle hours on his hobby; growing exotic magical hybrids.

Ponies were often surprised to learn that Dapper Blue was actually a gifted gardener. He supposed there was a certain genetic predisposition for benign deception in his family; mares giving birth often experienced a burst of magical precognition, which influenced the name they chose for their foal. For whatever reason his own mother had chosen to give him a deliberately ambiguous name that at first blush had nothing whatsoever to do with his talent--- though as for that, he had recently come to reflect, his talent and cutie mark (a blue flower) certainly had never given a hint of his future working as a stylishly dressed undercover agent for the Crown. Before the Radiant Guard, he could have counted the number of times he'd worn a tuxedo in the line of duty on the fingers of one hoof. Perhaps dear Mother had peeked a bit further into the future than it seemed at first blush?

And the blue flower in his cutie mark looked rather innocuous itself, save to those who had run afoul of its magically induced sense of humor....

Mind, he hadn't been dishonest when he told Sweetiebelle that the Royal gardeners had produced the exploding chili pepper. He just hadn't disclosed that he was one of them. Or that it had been almost exclusively his own work and discovery. Not that it was a secret; he just didn't like to make a fuss about it. That was life in his line of work, he supposed; one little vague misdirection piled atop another. He wondered sometimes if that made him an enigma to other ponies, or just an annoyance.

He suspected he was an enigma to his current guests, at least. It had to be hard for the two fillies to reconcile their memory of a nattily dressed stallion who'd slogged through the bayou in a three piece suit with the figure before them now in dirt-stained coveralls and straw hat.

The fact that he was covered in rotten squash wasn't helping either. His own fault really. He'd been removing a rotted gourd from the planter box and had forgotten to disarm it before doing so. The moment he'd tried to heft it up with the shovel it had triggered, leaping into the air and flinging itself down upon his head with all due force. It was fortunate indeed that the thing had been rotted soft or he'd have been sporting a concussion or worse. As it was he was sporting a ruined hat and was splattered with squash guts.

At least the foals got some amusement out of it; they were giggling fit to bust. Dapper kept a straight face. "And that, as I was saying, is why you shouldn't touch any of the plants in here without my supervision," he said calmly. He took off the straw hat and threw it in a waste bin, and began brushing pulp off the rest of himself. Magic stainproofing, worth every bit. "As useful as they can be, the plants I grow here can be temperamental, if not outright dangerous. I wouldn't want any of you to get hurt, now. So keep your hooves off everything, promise?"

"We promise," Sweetiebelle, Mud Puppy and Twig recited in harmony. The newt in Mudpuppy's mane made a squeaky-balloon noise of agreement.

Dapper Blue gave them a half smile. "All right then. I think we can go ahead with the little tour..." he looked at Mudpuppy. "Just so you know, I've set up your little friends' terrariums in a nice, warm shady spot at the end of the greenhouse, well away from anything harmful. So you can come up to visit them any time you want.  I'll give you a key so you can get in..." She looked relieved at that. Princess Rarity had absolutely put her foot down about 'Princess Nectura' filling the royal quarters with her menagerie of reptiles, amphibians and other miscellaneous 'slimy swamp things.' To the point that the royal fashionista had nearly had a full-blown hissy-fit.

Everypony then learned that the little swamp princess could be as obstinate as a minotaur when the mood took her. She made it clear that if her pets were not welcome, then neither was she.

It was only the exile of Mudpuppy's swampy friends to the greenhouse, and promises that Mudpuppy and her pets would be given their own cabin once it was refitted and redecorated to be more environmentally appropriate for her muddy, slithery, somewhat squishy friends, that kept the peace.

They'd basically given up on getting her to quit carrying her pet newt in her mane. One front page photo of Princess Pinkamena at a party with Gummy in her bouffant...

"Very well then. Let's start that little tour... We'll start with the more, ah, benign plants here in the first quarter." The greenhouse was laid out by the square foot, with walkways between the carefully arrayed rectangles of tables, racks, floor pots and hanging baskets. The first such mini-plot was a square of about a dozen clay pots with large, cheerful looking orange and yellow flowers. It was hard to tell what was odder about them; the fact that they had broad smiling faces, or that they were all humming a cheerful, wordless tune to which they all silently swayed.

"They look like Miss Cheerilee's cutie mark," Sweetiebelle said, blinking in surprise.

"They do? Hm. Well, these are Sunflowers," Dapper Blue said.

"I woulda called them 'Songflowers," Sweetiebelle said, bobbing her head along with the humming. "La la laaa..." she sang.

The flowers all turned their attention to her. "La la laaa..." they sang back.

Sweetiebelle squeaked in delight and clapped her hooves. "Doe, a deer, a fe-male deer..."

"Doe, a deer, a fe-male deer..." the flowers replied. The others laughed and applauded.

"I wonder if I could teach them to harmonize," Sweetiebelle mused.

As she spoke, one of the flowers in the front row puffed up its cheeks and spat something at the ceiling. A glowing ball of light slowly floated down. The foals "oohed" and "aahed." Dapper Blue deftly caught it in his hoof and held it out for them to see; it was a tiny seed. "The light only lasts about an hour or so," he said. "Nifty though. I'm hoping to breed them so the light lasts longer."

He stepped to the side. "And over here we have some trollmatoes," he said. "Terrible name, I know, but I had to call them something." There were dozens of wire racks covered in tomato vines and ripe red fruit. The tomatoes looked perfectly normal, except for the wrinkles that made them look like they had sour, scrunched-up faces. He looked at the foals. "Know any good jokes?" he said suddenly.

Sweetiebelle suddenly got suspicious. That was out of the blue. And Dapper was keeping his face straight; too straight. "Uh, not off hand," she said carefully. She gave Mudpuppy a nudge; the other filly caught on,  and quickly shook her head. Twig, being a boy, wasn't so quick.

"Sure." he said. "I knowed a pony who was so poor..." he paused.

Dapper Blue started to grin. "How poor was he?" he said.

"He was so poor, the poor depouille couldn' even pay attention!" the batpony colt cackled at his own joke--- just as he caught a tomato in the teeth. Mudpuppy and Sweetiebelle squealed with laughter as he spluttered and tried to wipe the mushy red gunk off his face. Dapper Blue chuckled and gave him a kerchief to wipe his face.

"Sorry," he apologized, though he didn't quite sound it. "In case you didn't guess they don't like jokes. The worse the joke is, the more tomatoes they fling. And they're pretty harsh critics; had a shiphand who used to come up here and crack puns for hours on end. Then the tomatoes ripened and let's just say he's probably still picking salsa out of his ears."

There was a hydroponic section with a few water plants such as surprisingly large lily pads and tangled wads of kelp that wriggled their tendrils and glared ominously at everything with deep-set, glowing red eyes.... and cattails that actually looked like cats. "Disturbing," was Sweetiebelle's verdict on those.

They peeked into the darkened quarter of the greenhouse to take a quick glimpse of the night plants. "they're usually asleep at this hour," Dapper said. "So don't expect much..." Oh how wrong he was. The  planterns and sun-shrooms were apparently restless, and four ponies clip-clopping into their darkened hothouse was enough to wake them. The planterns lit aglow and the sun shrooms began spitting their glowing spores everywhere, which was enough to wake the others. Mushrooms began spitting clouds of noxious dust and pebble-hard spores in every direction in irritation at being awoken. "Awgh! Cain't ye do owt, Mudpuppy?" Twig said, coughing and dodging spitting plants. "Yew be the one w' plant magic!"

"I grows 'em, I cain't tell 'em what to do!"

"Why din't y' learn that first??"

"Well dog-gone," Mudpuppy snapped back in anger, "Mebbe it escaped your know-all, but most plants don't have ears!"

Sweetiebelle suddenly remembered how the sunflowers had responded to her voice. Some time ago she'd learned a "microphone" spell that amplified the voice and gave it the resonance one would hear in a amphitheatre or stadium. Personally she thought it made her sound like she was singing in the shower. Anyway, I'm gonna need it if they're gonna hear me over all the noise, she thought as the pearl-sized globe of light left the tip of her horn and settled on her throat.

 

"Sleep, darling sleep,

Thy father tends the sheep,

Thy mother shakes the dreamland tree

To bring down sweet dreams just for thee

Sleep, darling sleep...."

Lo and behold, it worked. The toadstools and sprouts stopped spitting and puffing at one another and listened to her, rapt. They began to yawn and droop and, one by one, they drifted back off to sleep.

"Ga lee, ain't dad sumfin!" Twig exclaimed-- and got a frantic round of "shush!" from the others. They hastily tip-hoofed out and closed the door behind them. "I heard of plants likin' music, but ah sho nuf never heard DAT," Twig chortled.

"Fascinating," Dapper said. "I've never seen them react like that before. Not even when I play music in the greenhouse. They must like your voice, Duchess." Sweetiebelle scrunched up her nose and flushed with pleasure at the compliment.

"That song always works on the Cake twins," she said, trying to sound dismissive.  "They love the way that spell makes my voice sound."

"I tink mebbe it a wee bit more den dat spell," Mudpuppy said, giving her a hip-bump. "You a right pretty warbler when you get the urge." Sweetiebelle blushed redder and ducked her head.

They went by one section of plants that was cordoned off by the rest by a wall of sandbags, and had an extra-wide aisle around them. "This is where I keep the fire-based hybrids and similar," Dapper said. Sweetiebelle immediately recognized the pepper plant; it was a low green bush covered with angry-looking chiles. There was also a pair of dwarf cherry trees, several potato mounds, a star-shaped fruit that crackled with electric sparks... he showed them a neat trick with the peppers; he picked one, stomped on it so the juice squirted out in a stream, then hastily stepped back. A line of flame shot up the trail of pepper juice and the whole thing went up with a bang. "And don't step too near the potato mounds," he said, tossing a loose pebble. It landed, and the ground underneath fountained upward in a roar.

"I wondered why the floor were steel plate," Twig said in alarm, shaking his head to stop the ringing in his ears.

The next point of the tour was a patch of pea plants, or at least Dapper Blue said so. The plants in question had plenty of pods, but also sported strange green heads with mouths shaped like cannon barrels. They whipped their heads in every direction, glaring angrily.... whether at the other plants or at the magic shield blocking them off, Sweetiebelle wasn't sure. "The shield is kind of a necessity," Dapper said before anypony could ask. "All the pea plant varieties tend to have a bit of a hair-trigger. That and they seem to have a grudge against the gator plums." He pointed to the next planter over, which was full of enormous purple pods.

A buzzing insect flew in low over the pods. There was a snap, and the bug was gone. one of the pods had split open into an enormous toothy maw that had lunged up on its thick stem, snapped the insect out of the air, and now squatted in its pot, chewing its meal with obvious savor. All three foals skittered several steps back and stood well behind the  resident gardener.

In response to this sudden movement there was a volley of pops from the pea plants. They spat peas at the ruminating gator plum, only to have their fire rattle off the shield between them. It pointedly ignored them as they reloaded, shucking pods off their own vines, filling their mouths and spitting them out with enough force to surely cause serious injury. The gator plums responded by blowing raspberries and making several rude gestures with their fronds.

"And there's the problem," Dapper Blue sighed. "These plants would be so useful for things like security and home defense.... But for a few rare exceptions like the pepper plants, it's deuced difficult to get any use out of them. They're not inclined to be very obedient anyway, and they're too busy quibbling with one another! The gator plums agitate the pea plants, the pea plants are so hair-trigger they shoot at anything that moves, even the other plants... the sunflowers and sun-shrooms throw a fit because the other plants eat their sun-seeds... the cold-natured varieties--" he pointed to a row of 'hot'boxes with a miscellany of pale blue, ice crystal covered plants-- "get cantankerous and sulky around the fire plants and vice versa... the melons are fairly mellow, but when THEY get in on the ruckus, ugh---"

"It took me months to figure out a layout for the greenhouse that didn't have mortal enemies bordering each other. You should have seen my first garden; half the time it looked like a food fight in the middle of a firework factory explosion." The foals giggled. He looked at Mudpuppy. "I'm sorry, Princess Necturus, " he said. "I must confess I was a little surprised that your talent for communing with with swamp animals and making plants grow.... didn't extend to controlling plants as well."

Mudpuppy shrugged. She was obviously a little put out but was trying not to show. "Tain't like I had a chance t' learn such like, yet," she said. "Like I say, not many plants got ears..."

"Umm, that's another reason we came up here," Sweetiebelle said. "Our tutor says that 'Princess Nectura' needs more practice with her plant magic." She flushed. "And so do I. With everything else, too, apparently," she muttered in an aside. "We were hoping you had some seeds we could practice on...?"

"M'ole the non es'plodey kind, silvous plait," Mudpuppy added quickly.

"I think I can manage that," Dapper Blue said, amused.

He led them past another sealed hothouse filled with all-too-familiar pale blue flowers that glowed under their moonlamps, and through a plastic curtain into the final quarter of the greenhouse. This last portion of the greenhouse was filled with racks of refreshingly mundane and ordinary flowers, fruits and vegetables; plants busy doing nothing more exciting than absorbing water and sunlight.

Dapper Blue dug around under one of the tables of seedlings for a moment, then came out with a tray of paper bags. "Here you go," he said as Mudpuppy and Sweetiebelle took the bags. "A few odds and ends from the seed bags. This should suit you."

"That was quick," Sweetiebelle said doubtfully.

"I have a lot of ponies asking me for samples or seedlings to try," Dapper Blue explained. "Especially among the nobility who fancy themselves amateur horticulturalists." He meaningfully did not roll his eyes. "I keep some bags of seeds sorted out in advance-- I try to persuade them to try their hoof at the NON magical varieties first." He shook a bag meaningfully. "OF course there's always the occasional upper crust elitist who is more insistent---" he cocked an eyebrow as he put the rest of the bagged seeds away. "I do believe Prince Blueblood's flower gardening hobby is going to be, how shall we say, a full contact sport next spring...."

They snickered, thanked him and tucked the paper bags in their panniers.

Dapper watched as Mudpuppy carefully tucked the paper bag away in her saddlebag. "So. Nervous about the parade tonight, your Highness?" he asked.

Mudpuppy gulped, blushed and nodded speechlessly. Sweetiebelle on the other hand got giddy at the mention of the upcoming festivities. She pronked in place gleefully. "Oh, it's so exciting! Neigh Orleans is making you the Princess of the Parade! You're going to ride on the biggest float with the King of Carnival, and Rarity is making you an absolutely BEAUTIFUL gown, and..." she suddenly stopped and giggled. "And they're making Rarity, Pinkie, and Princess Luna your ladies-in-waiting, which is SO funny--"

Mudpuppy nodded again and gulped. That was half of what was making her nervous. The ponies of Neigh Orleans were so carried away with Mudpuppy becoming a princess, they were making three real princesses dress up like her servants for the parade! Oh, that couldn't be going over well...   Mudpuppy had met Princess Pinkamena and (gulp) Princess Luna shortly after their ship had arrived. They hadn't looked mad.... at least, Princess Pinkamena hadn't, of course she seemed to be happy and cheery all the time, and besides she was too busy snarfing her way through a King Cake singlehoofed... but the mysterious Princess of the Moon, it was hard to tell. If Mudpuppy was being honest, she seemed more puzzled by the Mardi Gras goings-on. Particularly on why ponies had showered them with shiny bead necklaces, and other odd things.  She was particularly confused by the coconut...

"You have nothing to worry about, your Highness," Dapper Blue reassured her, his voice calm and confident. "You just sit on the float in your gown, wave to all the crowds,  look pretty and smile. That's all anypony wants a brand new Princess to do." She looked up and smiled weakly. "See? You've got the last two down pat already." That got a much warmer smile from the gangly filly.

The speakers overhead suddenly crackled. "Hello? Hellooo? Is this the greenhouse? Is this thing working?" There was a sound of clicking, as if somepony was rapidly pushing several buttons over and over. "Confound it-- is--(pop crackle) even on?---(click click click) the little light is on (tap tap) is it supposed to be blinking?(fweeee) I didn't WANT general quarters, I was trying to reach... (clack) will somepony put some damned LABELS on all these buttons and switches? Modern convenience my diamond-dappled--- oh BLAST it. Listen, whomever is listening, please tell Princess Nectura and Duchess Sweetiebelle they need to go straight to Mystique's Boutique for their final fittings..."

Dapper slapped a hoof on the 'reply' button. "They're on their way, your Highness," he said smoothly. He carefully ignored the three foals cracking up behind him.

"Dapper Blue? Is that you? Oh good then. Hurry up darlings, times a-wasting. You too, Twig dear-- your costume needs a few stitches here and there too. T.T.F.N.!" There was a moment or two of silence. "Ooo, better finish off this croissant and coffee and get on the go..." followed by loud chewing and slurping noises, followed by a sonorous burp.  "Urp. Ugh, cream cheese a bit rich-- please pretend you didn't hear that, Jasmine. What? What are you pointing at? Is--- of course I switched it off, look it... OH BUCK IT ALL!" And a loud squawk-clack as the intercom disconnected.

"You'd best be on your way, children," Dapper Blue managed to say, as the children collapsed in a howling heap, tears streaking their faces. "Her Highness is waiting.... Go on, shoo now." The three staggered to their feet and, leaning on each other, made their way to the exit.

Dapper Blue, of course, did not laugh. He was an impeccable professional; he did not, would not and could not laugh. The strain of holding it back, though, would make his joints clack for days.

He could be forgiven in all the distraction for not noticing that he had misread the labels on the seed bags.

 

---

Mudpuppy's dress--- no, Sweetiebelle corrected herself, Princess Necturus' dress--- was as pretty as any she had ever seen; a dream of emerald green silk and tiny pin-sized emerald chips; the tiara a perfect set of cut emeralds in gold. Her hair was once again done up in a tumbling waterfall of green locks. She was a vision, as Rarity would say.

Oh, the other Princesses were just as pretty, of course. Though it was funny seeing Princess Luna dressed in a costume that, for all the purple ruffles and glitter, was clearly made for a Lady-in-Waiting. Sweetiebelle had caught the moon princess frowning and had been worried... but it turned out that Luna had been staring in puzzlement at a coconut for some reason. Didn't they have coconuts back a thousand years ago, or something?

They were all Ladies-in-Waiting, actually, even Rarity. Well not Twig, obviously; he was dressed as a pagecolt. But the rest of them, Sweetiebelle included, were all in flower-like dresses in purple, green and gold. Rarity kept complaining that Pinkie Pie and Luna were ruining the lines of their dress with all the chains of beads they were wearing, but nothing she could do could get the two to part with them. Neither of them would say where they got them all.

Sweetie liked her own dress-- pale purple with a floaty flower-petal skirt. It was fun to dress up pretty once in a while.

Mudpuppy didn't seem too happy though. No, that wasn't it-- it was more like she'd seem happy and excited for a while, and then she'd start looking all worried and, Sweetiebelle didn't know, guilty? It wasn't until they had climbed up on the float (a great big huge thing that looked like a wedding cake crossed with a bayou flower garden) and were waiting to start, that Mudpuppy finally let out what was bothering her. She took her throne next to the King of Carnival (a nice old stallion in royal robes with a handsome mustache and goatee), looked over to Sweetiebelle, and asked, "Aren't you jealous?"

Sweetiebelle blinked. "About what?"

Mudpuppy shuffled her slippered hooves. "Me bein' up here, an' you down there," she said. It was true, Sweetiebelle was sitting at the foot of the throne, rather than next to it. The Princesses/ 'Ladies-in-Waiting' were scattered up and down the sides of the float, ready to wave and toss something called "throws..."

It took Sweetiebelle a moment. "Of course not," she said. "I wouldn't be jealous."

"Why not?" Mudpuppy frowned.

"Because jealousy is when you're afraid somepony's going to take away what you have," Sweetiebelle explained confidently. "ENVY is when you wish you could have what somepony else does . I wouldn't be JEALOUS of you, I'd be ENVIOUS." The King of Carnival snorted and muffled it behind his hoof for some reason.

Mudpuppy's ears lowered and she frowned. "Ah think ah get why y' friend Scootaloo called you 'Dictionary," she grumbled.

"--And I'm not ENVIOUS either," Sweetiebelle went on. "Why would I be?"

Mudpuppy rolled her shoulder and looked away, uncomfortable. "Ah doan' know much bout royalty and such what," she said. "But I'd think a Duchess is s'posed to become a Princess, long afore a swamp girl ever was."

Sweetiebelle rested her chin on her hoof. "Yeah, Equestrian royalty is funny like that," she said. "You'd think Celestia would be a Queen by now. Or Princess Luna. And there's another Princess who's now an Empress in the Crystal Empire, kind of... I think... and nopony knows WHY Prince Blueblood is a Prince. I think he should actually be a Duke or something... though I heard Rarity saying that 'Duke' was a misspelling in his case, whatever that means." The King of Carnival began coughing and choking violently into his ermine robe. "I'm sorry your Majesty, would you like a cough drop?" Sweetie pulled a lozenge out of her purse and held it out; the red-faced king kept on coughing but waved it off.

"And then there's the my sister and her friends. They sort of earned it, but at the same time it was sort of an accident... it's kind of confusing at least. I guess..." Sweetiebelle shook her head. "I guess what I mean is, in Equestria being a Princess can be something you earn, or something that's given to you, or something that just happens. It can mean anything, and maybe someday it won't mean anything at all.  I guess getting it isn't anywhere near as important as what you do with it when you get it? Anyways, there's no reason in Equestria why I should become a Princess, any more or less than you. So why be envious?"

"You ain't? Not even a little?"  Mudpuppy pressed. "Don't you dislike playin' second fiddle?"

Sweetiebelle chewed her lip. "Maybe just a little," she admitted. "I mean, I'd like to be a princess I suppose. But what good would envy do me?

"Besides I'm kind of used to it. I'm not the brave cutie mark crusader, or the tough one, or the handy one. I'm just, you know, the one who's there. Generally trying to talk Scootaloo out of whatever we're gonna try next." She rumpled her nose while Mudpuppy giggled. "And... well you've seen Rarity. You can imagine what it's like growing up with THAT as your big sister. Sometimes I got so envious of her... and jealous too, yeah. Sometimes it seemed like all she had to do was walk in the room and I would just disappear..." she looked down and stubbed her hoof against a corner of the float.

"But... Princess Luna helped me learn... It wasn't worth it. Being full of envy and jealousy all the time didn't get you anything you wanted... And sooner or later it took the things you did have away. Like the ponies you cared about. And nothing's worth being that jealous over." Sweetiebelle looked up and smiled, remembering what else Princess Luna told her. "If I'm not in the spotlight yet, it just means I'm waiting in the wings for the right time. Till then it's almost as much fun helping other ponies stand there."

Her smile was sincere and artless as a newborn foals'. It was then that Mudpuppy knew that whatever else might be, Sweetiebelle was a true and genuinely good friend. "You are one of a kind, Sweetiebelle," she said.

"Phsa, wat de hold up, up dare," Twig griped. "We goin' or not?" Of everyone on the float, Twig was probably the least pleased; he had ended up dressed in a pagecolt outfit that made him look, in his opinion, "a right Coo-yon."

"Don' get the cabris, Twig," Mudpuppy said. Up ahead a whistle blew; the band struck up and the float began to roll forward. "Up, ere we go! Laissez les bon temps rouler!!" she shouted, and ponies up and down the line cheered their approval.

The parade was wild; the wildest thing Sweetiebelle had ever experienced. The band, the music, the costumes, the dancers, the floats--- it was a whirl of colors before and aft. Everything glowed with fairy lights, and the night sky overhead was filled with an unending volley of fireworks. The ponies lining the streets were as colorful as anything in the parade, dressed in costumes and masks like nothing she could have even dreamed. Even the buildings were decorated with strings of lights and paper lanterns... everywhere she looked it was a kaleidoscope of light and color and merrymaking.

"De throws, Sweetiebelle, de throws!" Mudpuppy said. She threw a hooffull of bits over Sweetie's head, out to the crowd. Her memory jarred, Sweetiebelle jumped and looked at the plastic buckets of "throws" around her; candies, beads, even bit pieces. She scooped a hoofload of things to toss and hefted them.

"Go light on them at first, Duchess," the King of Carnival told her in his deep, basso voice. He smiled at her. "They got to last the whole parade." Sweetiebelle nodded skeptically. She had trouble thinking they were in any danger of running out early; the bucket next to her could better be termed a barrel. But she obeyed and pared it back... a little. She flung the beads and candies out over the crowd; cheers went up and a mad scramble took place. Sweetie looked around; the others on the float were in on the act too. Rarity was flinging bit pieces with grandiose flair; Luna was alternating tossing armloads of little wrapped cakes-- and staring at them oddly. While Sweetiebelle watched the lunar princess broke down and sneaked one or two for herself. Sweetiebelle looked in her own tub for the silver wrapping. She pulled it out and read the label:

MOON PIE.

Sweetiebelle giggled and tossed it out into the crowd.

Pinkie Pie was throwing shiny bead necklaces in every direction... several of them though seemed to be flying back. It took Sweetiebelle a second to see why. There was a shriek of outrage from Rarity.

"PINKIE! Stop waving your derriere at the hoi polloi!"

Pinkie was apparently in a mischievous mood, though. She stuck out her tongue at Rarity and deliberately waggled her rump all the more. "Sunshine sunshine ladybugs awake--" she sang. Stallions in the crowd hooted and whistled and sent necklaces arcing through the air. Pinkie Pie spun around and deftly caught them on her horn, letting them swing down around her neck to join the growing stack.

"Luna, do something!" Rarity pleaded. No flashbulbs had gone off yet but it was a matter of time...

Luna looked affronted. "This shall not stand!" she said.

"Thank heaven--"

Luna stroked her own few beads. "I am NOT about to be outdone by my own apprentice!" She promptly hopped up and, to Rarity's thunderstruck horror, began shaking her money maker. The hoots and whistles turned to a roar, and beads began flying.

"This is a NIGHTMARE!" Rarity wailed, covering her eyes with her hooves and flopping to the floor of the float in a mock faint.

"Well she is the Princess of the MOON," Sweetiebelle shouted to her sister, busting a gut laughing.

Fortunately for Rarity's sanity, Luna and Pinkie settled down after a couple of blocks.... probably because they were so draped with necklaces they could barely move. They shed most of their, ahem, booty and returned to tossing treats and coins with the others.

The parade wound on, passing back and forth through the streets of Neigh Orleans.  It was near the halfway point, two hours on. Maybe it was Sweetiebelle's imagination, but it seemed like their float got the most cheers... and they all seemed to be directed at Mudpuppy. The cries of "Bon Vive, Mon Princessa Necturus" went up over and over. Sweetiebelle was beginning to wonder if the cajun ponies were ever going to stop celebrating "their" Princess.

Considering ponies still celebrate Celestia and Luna, probably not. The thought pleased her.

It was then that she noticed that the cheers up ahead had turned into screams.

The parade halted. Alarmed, Sweetiebelle jumped up and tried to see what was going on. Two blocks ahead, dozens of ponies dressed in zombie costumes had surrounded a float of a giant laughing court jester. They were climbing up the sides, attacking the ponies riding it and rocking the whole float back and forth. Ponies were screaming and running away; why were they running away? Why wasn't anypony stopping the vandals?

It was only when one of the zombie ponies staggered forth and his front leg fell off that Sweetiebelle realized heart-freezing horror that they weren't wearing costumes.

More and more  zomponies appeared, seeming to come out of nowhere; it took Sweetiebelle a second to realize they were coming out from under the jester float. "They're comin' up through the sewers!" somepony screamed. They were right. Up and down the street she could see sewer lids being shoved up and aside by gray-green, rotting hooves, and more zomponies clumsily climbing out. The crowds surged in panic.

Luna vanished in a cloud of indigo smoke, her costume and beads falling into a pile on the float. She reappeared in midair, horn blazing. "To arms, my ponies, to arms!" Guardponies appeared as if from nowhere, leaping from their places hidden among the crowd. The unicorns and earth ponies were pinned by the mob, but the pegasi formed on Luna as she led the attack, swooping down on the Jester float and its shambling horrors.

Pinkie Pie and Rarity were airborne next, joining the fight. Rarity had few tricks in her magical repertoire, Pinkie even less, but Rarity telekinetically sent volleys of "throws" from the cart at the monsters at cannonball velocity, and while Pinkie only managed a few pops and sparkles, they were pops and sparkles on alicorn scale-- more than enough to send zombie mares and stallions flipping through the air like tiddlywinks.

Then the Carnival King's float shook, and there was a loud grating sound from below, and Sweetiebelle realized they must have stopped right on top of one of the sewer lids. "Everypony get off the float!" she screamed-- but it was too late. Creatures crawled from under the toppling float and surged up the sides.

But these weren't zombies. It took Sweetie's fear-scattered brain a second to piece together the webbed hands and feet, the enormous tortoise shell, the limp, mosslike hair, the inverted bowl tied down to the top of the head, the sneering, reptile face--- "KAPPAS!" she shrieked, her voice piercing through even the din around her.

The members of the Radiant Guard, riding in concealment on the float, gave their best. Blades, hooves, and spells flew, and more than one kappa was put down fast and hard. But there were over a dozen of the monstrously strong swamp monsters, and between them and the zombies right on their webbed heels, the pony protectors were overwhelmed.

Mudpuppy and Sweetiebelle clutched each other in terror. Twig launched himself at the first kappa up the side of the float, biting and kicking; the King of Carnival bravely stood between the fillies and the monsters and clouted about him with his scepter, but the kappa merely swatted them aside like flies.

The last thing Sweetiebelle saw was a burlap sack descending down over them.

 

---

Princess Luna raged as she circled over the sight of the assault, searching for a new target to blast or trample. "Cowards! Vermin! Brigands!" she shouted till the windows on Bourbon Street rattled. "They attack, and flee? I shall run the dark wizards who did this through with mine own horn!"

Mere minutes into the battle, the attacking zombies and kappa had turned and fled, diving back down into the sewers from whence they came. Pursuit had been brief and futile; the centuries-old sewer system under Neigh Orleans was a branched and tangled maze of tunnels old and new. They turned back after a few hundred yards; there was damage to clean up and injured ponies to tend.

Cleanup of the zombies was mercifully tidy; once the things were sufficiently damaged-- meaning, generally, decapitated--- they crumbled to bits. Even the bones were reduced to brittle crumbling ruin, leaving nothing but mundane soil.... every fume of the foul energies that motivated them exhausted with their demise. The workers assigned to the grisly task of cleanup simple swept the remains back down into the sewers from whence they arose.

Injuries were numerous, but few severe. Some ponies had been bitten, and had to be reassured that no, they were not going to "turn"-- drat that sensationalist RoMareo for muddling the folklore with his schlock movies---- though they would have to endure a long course of antibiotics; Zombie mouths and teeth were predictably foul. Most of the injuries, in fact, had been ponies being trampled by the panicking crowd.

Luna let herself fume a bit more, then circled down to land next to the battered remains of the royal float. The Radiant Guard and the Bouncer Brigade were both there, looking shamefaced and distraught. "Ve are ashamed, Princess--" Hans said.

"So ashamed," Frans picked up. "Ve tried to reach ze float, but ze crowds--"

A battered Dapper Blue and Jade Blossom stepped forward to take the blame as well. "The fault lies with us, Highness," Dapper Blue said unhappily. "We were grievously unprepared---"

"Be at ease, my little ponies," Luna said. "This attack was utterly unprecedented. One cannot predict the unpredictable, by definition. You did everything by the book."

"Rest assured, Highness," Dapper Blue said, his voice tight, "That there will be quite a number of new pages added to that book when this is through." Terse nods of agreement came from all around; Hans and Frans settled for smacking one hoof into another for emphasis.

An emergency medical pony was tending to several of the guard; at the moment he was looking after young Twig and the King of Carnival. Twig was suffering a sprained front leg, and the King of Carnival had taken a nasty blow to the head. The king tried to sit up. "Your Highness, I'm sorry, I tried--"

Luna gently pressed him down with her magic. "You have done well, King Carnival," she said with a surprisingly gentle smile. "I saw, you struck about you most doughtily. Had you been better armed, you would have given more than one of the foe a true reckoning."

The Mardi Gras grandmaster of events blushed at the praise, but his expression did not grow less grim. "I thank you for the kind words, your Highness," he said. "But the consequences are grim. The brutes-- the brutes foalnapped Princess Necturus and Duchess Sweetiebelle!"

"I know," Luna said grimly.

If the King of Carnival was distraught, Rarity was beyond devastation. "Who did this?" she cried. "Why would they do this?"

When Luna spoke she wasn't speaking to any of them in particular. "First hinkypunks, then kappa, and now zombies," Luna said darkly. "I was a fool not to realize the first two might be connected. But with the third? It now becomes clear that somepony has been dabbling, and more than dabbling, with powers dark and foul--- and for a very long time.

"The question, fair Rarity, may no longer be whom--- but what."

 

---

The ride in the burlap sack was horrible in the extreme. The two fillies were tumbled together like wash in a laundry bag, and carried draped over a hard, shell-covered shoulder. Noxious stinks seeped through the bag, making them gag and retch; all around them they could hear the slap of webbed feet in water and the horrible moaning of the zomponies.

The first leg had been the roughest; they had been abruptly plunged underwater and, for an unspeakable fifty seconds of drowning terror, they had felt themselves and their captor being rushed along by a roaring torrent of vile-tasting water. Just as Sweetiebelle had been about to black out, they had been dragged up into the air and slapped roughly through the bag till they coughed and breathed again.

Then had begun the long trek through what had to be the swamp, if the sounds and smells Sweetiebelle could make out could be guessed. It had gone on forever; Sweetiebelle was bruised and battered and exhausted, and she was certain Mudpuppy was the same way too.

Finally, though, they arrived. They were dumped roughly out of the sack onto the soggy ground. Webbed, clawed hands tied them up in lengths of rotten rope, and forced rings-- repressor rings-- down over their horns. They struggled, but they might as well have been newborn kittens for all the good it did.

Sweetiebelle sat up and took stock of their surroundings. It was the swamp, all right; they were sitting on a low hillock, surrounded in every direction by dank waters, tall drooping trees and what looked like the crumbling ruins of buildings scattered here and there. She could see faint lights-- hinkypunks?-- flitting through the ruins and the trees, and the silhouettes of countless lurching zombies wading listlessly through the bog.

Right in front of them was an enormous manor, an old plantation house that was sagging into rot and ruin. One end of it dipped lower than the other, as if it were a schooner slowly sinking to its doom beneath the waves. Despite its decrepitude several lights could be seen glimmering fitfully in the windows, and fitful streamers of smoke drifted from the one un-crumbled chimney. The front lawn, such as it was, was illuminated by lanterns, almost hypocritically cheerful in their warm glow.

The biggest of the kappas sidled up to the front door and rapped on it with its gnarled knuckles. There was a commotion inside, the sound of a voice, and the door opened. Sweetiebelle couldn't see past the glare of the porch light. "You are back. Did you succeed?" the voice said. it sounded soft and impatient, stressed and urgent.

The kappa gargled and hissed.

"Problem? What problem?" More gargling. The voice rose in fury. "Two? TWO of---" Almost as instantly the voice dropped in defeat. "It... it doesn't matter now, I suppose. Bring them in."

The boss kappa returned to the two fillies and picked them up. He loped into the ruined manor and, almost disdainfully, dumped them on the floor. "Now leave us," the voice said. The kappa snarled, but left. the door crashed shut behind him.

The two fillies sat up and looked about. Sweetiebelle swallowed in fear. They were in a large, mildewed room, lit with oily yellow lamplight. Beakers and tubes and bubbling flasks lined every shelf and table. Stacks of ragged books and scrolls were stuffed in cubbyholes. There were dozens of shelves covered with enormous jars-- bigger than the pickled egg jar in Daddy's favorite restaurant, and that was almost big enough to hold her--- with horrible looking dead things, at least she hoped and prayed they were dead, floating inside. It was a mad scientist's lab, straight out of the movies and about ten billion times more horrible in real life.

There was a pony at the end of the room, tinkering with something one one of the racks of beakers and burners. His back was turned to them. He wore a ratty old longcoat draped over his shoulders, and a battered top hat that had probably seen better days before either Sweetiebelle or Mudpuppy had ever been born.

The figure finished what he'd been doing, grunted and turned around. He was a yellow green pony with a greenish black mane and a mustache and goatee that drooped like boiled swampweed. There were bags under his eyes so old and dark they looked like blackened bruises in the lamplight. His right cheek was covered by a large, grubby bandage.

As he turned, Sweetiebelle caught a glimpse of his cutie mark through the tears in his coat: a square medicine bottle with a tiny green snake coiled up inside. He limped heavily toward them, walking so badly it seemed almost like he had only three legs under his baggy coat. Sweetiebelle felt her throat close off in terror. She heard Necturus gasp and stiffen beside her as he drew closer. He loomed over them.

"Welcome, Princess Necturus... and friend." He said, giving them a yellow-toothed and utterly unfriendly smile.

"My name is Cotton Mouth."

"Did you know that snake oil once referred to an actual medicine?" Cotton Mouth said. His tone was casual, his voice conversational. "Oh yes. You see, in the Far East they had a medicine, a tonic with genuine beneficial health properties. It reduced inflammation, lowered blood pressure, and so forth. A humble product that the ponies of those lands had used for thousands of years, with quite satisfactory results. It was made from, among other things, the rendered fat from a particular breed of water snake that lives there.

"Well, when the tonic was brought from the Far East to Equestria by emigrants, some hundred or so years ago, it became very popular with those they sold it to. Ponies were eager for the recipe, so the Far Eastern ponies obliged. They included all the information in the recipe-- except they forgot to list what type of snake they used. So tonic salesponies who didn't know better used substitutes--- rattlesnake, most often-- and watered down the brew with copious amounts of whiskey for, haha, 'added medicinal benefit.' The resultant brew was, of course, medicinally useless.

"Well, I suppose unless one wished to anesthetize the patient, if the concentration of alcohol was high enough... but I digress." He leaned over a flask, stirring it carefully as he spoke as the liquid inside changed color. "The point is, well, you can see what the point is. Snake oil became a slang term for fraudulent medical products; potions and tonics of dubious content and nonexistent medicinal virtue, sold by frauds and quacks. Which was something of a tragedy for the few legitimate potioneers out there.

"Thus an entire trade was turned to quackery, and a therapeutic medical marvel was lost for generations--- all because of a simple failure of documentation." He lifted the flask up to the light and swirled it about. Whatever he saw didn't please him; he cursed softly and set the flask down on the table. Disappointment was etched in every line of his body for the briefest of moments, then he regained his self-control. "Ironic, isn't it?" He looked over his shoulder at his two captives.

If he was expecting anything resembling empathy, he was in for a disappointment. Both fillies regarded him with fear and loathing, but the alicorn foal, her cheeks were wet with tears and she made no sound. She had shouted her throat raw with cajun curses and profanity long ago. Now she simply stared at him with such naked grief and hate it should have shriveled his soul. "What? Nothing? Ah well--" He lunged forward and yanked a mouthful of feathers out of one of her wings.

He spat the bloody feathers out on the floor as she screeched in pain and the other one screeched in rage. "Why did you do that??" the unicorn shrieked, trying to kick at him.

"Because," he said as he carefully bandaged the plucked wing, "I'm not taking any chance that she can get loose and fly away. Sorry about the surprise," he said emotionlessly, "but better to have it happen without warning than lying there waiting for it to happen, no? Like pulling a tooth. I'd reassure you that they'd grow back-- well they would--- but that's not going to be a problem for you." He hobbled away from them back to his workbench. After apparently having a second thought, he retrieved the feathers and carefully bottled them. "Waste not want not," he muttered.

The newest princess found her voice again. "My best friend's a cripple because of you," Mudpuppy said, her voice raw and thick with tears and loathing. "My Mama's dead acouse of you. My Papa's dead 'acouse of you. All the foals who woulda been my age are dead because of you. You fils de putain foal killer!"

He actually flinched at that, nearly dropping the test tube he was holding, before resuming his work. "You don't know everything you think you do," he said said calmly. "I am not a foal killer."

She was shaking but her voice only got louder.. "Whassat? Dat you foalnap me an' mah frien', dat you gon' kill us? Why? You reckon you didn't get enough killin' babies, came back to finish the last of us off--??"

"I am not A FOAL KILLER!!" The last was a scream. Bottles and beakers flew off the worktable and smashed on the floor. He wheeled in his seat and lunged for her, stopping just short, his nose an inch from hers as he gnashed his rotting teeth. His eyes were wild with rage.

Mudpuppy's frame shook, but her eyes never left his. When she spoke it was barely above a whisper. "Dere's thirty-five little graves out in de swamp dat say otherwise," she said.

With an inarticulate scream of rage, Cotton Mouth turned and swept the nearest shelves clean. Bottles, tubes, pipes and jars smashed to the floor. He kicked the shelf over for good measure. Then he turned the other way and knocked over another. Glass and noxious fluids sprayed everywhere.

He stood there raging and screaming for a full minute before finally slumping in exhaustion. With a wave of his horn the mess gathered itself up and dumped itself in an empty waste barrel in the corner. The shelves righted themselves, and save for a few stains on the floor it was as if his fit had never happened. But to judge by the full waste barrel sitting next to the empty one, it had happened more than once before.

He picked up something off his worktable; a stoppered flask filled with glowing green liquid. "It wasn't supposed to happen," he said to noone in particular. "None of it was supposed to happen. Why didn't it work, why did it stop working...?" He took a deep breath. "Remember that story I told you-- of course you do, it hasn't been more than ten minutes. Well there was a reason for that.

"I come from a long line of potioneers. My father was one. Ponies who traveled all over the world, gathered recipes for elixirs and tonics and brewed them up to sell to the public. There was a lot of huxterism involved of course, but what we sold might not do you much good but it wouldn't do you any harm... about the equivalent of a shot of vegetable juice or tonic water in a fancy bottle.

But the old man DID know some stuff. Potions and elixirs, formulas he'd picked up from the zebras and the yaks and the buffalo. The real deal, as they say. He experimented a little too--- dabbled on the side, seeing if he could give some old potions new oomph... never came to much, that. But he was happy with his little dabbling ways, and with selling vitamin water and carrot-juice placebos to the public. He left his wagon and all his books and tools to me.

" Me, I was different. I took up the elixir trade, stepping into his horseshoes... but I'd seen what those elixirs and such could do for real. I was fascinated, obsessed. I pored over my old man's notes, squeezed every drop of knowledge from them-- and everywhere I went I dug for more. Old medicine ponies, ancient libraries, forgotten lore...

"Till one day I found an old volume. Ancient as dirt, thousands of years old, with alchemist formulas written in an ancient dialect of equiish. In its tattered pages it referenced... a Vitality Elixir. A supposed marvel from before even the ancient times of the three tribes. It would make any pony who drank it permanently healthier, hardier, stronger, more clearheaded; thaumatic energy-- magic-- would flow more freely in their thaumatic conduits and their essence well would be deeper, oh there was no end to the wonders this elixir would supposedly work.

"The wonder of the ages. I had to know. I HAD to know!

"I spent months, years, painstakingly copying, translating and transcribing the tattered pages. Tracking down ingredients, sometimes in books about extinct animals and plants...finding substitutes, mixing, testing, re-testing, brewing again....

"Till I created.... this." He held up the glowing flask.

"And.... and you tested it on those pregnant mares," Sweetiebelle said, horror struck.

"No. I tested it on myself."

"And it WORKED!" he said it, almost triumphant. "It worked.   I grew taller, the excess fat I'd carried since I was a foal flushed away, I grew stronger-- nearly strong as an earth pony. My mind felt sharper, clearer than it had ever been before; it soaked up knowledge like a clean dry sponge soaking up water. And my magic... " He chuckled and set a dozen empty flasks, scrolls and books orbiting around him briefly in a casual spiral. "Well that could speak for itself.

"But the doctors, the scholars wouldn't listen to me. They wouldn't even respond to my letters anymore... I needed more if I was going to persuade them.

"But there were still more wonders to uncover. According to what I gleaned from the texts,  the Vitality Elixir would have little effect on a pregnant mare--- but that was because all the benefits would be transferred to the unborn foal. They would be born stronger, healthier, more robust in every way.... and the effects would follow them through the rest of their lives.  The medical schools might be able to ignore a single stallion who had experienced a sudden burst of intellect and vitality. But a whole bumper crop of super foals?

"So, brimming with newfound vitality, intellect... and arrogance... I found a small community, well off the beaten path, that was due for a large number of babies to be born soon." He looked at them. "Yes. Yours, Princess Necturus. I sold the Elixir, and then sat back to watch the triumphant results.

"Then the mares started getting sick. This was all wrong. The Elixir was a revitalizer; it should have made their pregnancies easier, not harder.

"Then... then I started noticing my own side effects. Phantom pains, bouts of nausea, weakness. Then... worse things. Much much worse. Then one day I looked in the mirror, and knew. Something-- something had gone wrong. Very wrong." He threw off his coat, tossed aside his hat, pulled the bandage off his face.

The fillies gasped. Sweetiebelle thought she was going to be sick. A third eye was growing right out of his face. it twitched and rolled and blinked at them in its socket in his cheekbone. The deformity didn't end there. There was a stub of a second horn growing in next to his first. His back left leg was a twisted, malformed stump that didn't quite touch the ground. Small, misshapen lumps that looked almost like wings moved under his shirt, one high up on his shoulder, the other back down his side on his barrel.

"Remember the snake oil, and the water snakes? Something... I had gotten something wrong with the Elixir. Some ingredient I had gotten wrong, some step that was lost in translation... some... substitution I had made that had been completely wrong. The elixir I made, it.. infuses you with life. But it's wild, uncontrolled. Causes things like..." he indicated his own body. "This." His voice cracked.

"When I saw the deformities in my own body I fled... here. I spent months trying everything I could-- experimenting on animals I caught in the bayou..." he gestured to the rows of horrifying test subjects in jars... "Trying to find a treatment, an antidote, a cure, before it was too late..." he clutched his head in his hooves. "Then the mares started giving birth... the babies started dying... it was too late. I kept working at it anyway, even after there was no point--" he choked.

Mudpuppy stared at him in horror. "Is that... is that what's gonna happen to me an' Twig someday?" she whispered.

Cotton Mouth composed himself. He took one of Mudpuppy's feathers from the stoppered bottle and stuck it in the flame of a nearby candle. It burned with a clear yellow light. Then he pulled out a few strands of his own mane. They burned a sickly green. "Your ascension purged the influence of the Elixir from your body," he said. "If your friend survived this long, it's a fair bet he was purged of it as well." Mudpuppy breathed easier; not much, but some.

"I don't get it," Sweetiebelle said suddenly. Her voice wavered but she still spoke. "Why are you doing this? Why did you kidnap us?"

He gave them a maniacal grin. "Isn't it obvious?" he said. "You, you were taken by accident, mind. Those dullwitted kappas were told to capture the filly on the Royal float; they weren't expecting two. They were after Mudpuppy.

"Because Mudpuppy here-- Princess Necturus--- is the missing key!" At their uncomprehending expressions he went on. "I knew there was at least one foal that had survived the damnable Elixir. But when I learned that you had become an alicorn..." He began giggling, then laughing maniacally. "It all made sense. I had gotten something in the elixir right.  The enhancements deformities, the boost in physical and mental and magical energy... It wasn't just a vitality potion, it was an elixir meant to push the body towards ascension. Like, like royal jelly to make a queen bee. The deformities weren't deformities, at least not all of them--- they were the body trying to grow the organs an alicorn needed--- like wings--" the misshapen lumps under his shirt moved. "Or horns with richer levels of alicorn and denser thaumatic fibers... the fringe theorists were right, all ponies have the potential to become alicorns somewhere within them. They just need... a catalyst.

"But without that certain something, without sufficient amounts of that X factor present when a pony properly ascends--- the metamorphosis stalled out. Except for you." He was practically shaking with glee. "Somehow, you were different, and that difference is  the key to fixing the Elixir--- and unlocking the secret to immortality! I can undo this... I can fix.. can fix everything, make everything right..." His glee suddenly turned to anxiety. "If... if he only gives me time..." He fretted back and forth. "If I can get some samples, run some tests, before he loses patience.."

"He who?" Sweetiebelle asked.

He stopped and looked at her. he chuckled hollowly. "Oh, did you think I was in charge here?" he said. "That all those zombies and kappas were mine? I hate to disappoint you, little filly, but I don't know a lick of necromancy." He gave her a rot-toothed grin. The candles all flickered suddenly. He looked up, suddenly fearful. "In fact it looks like you're about to meet the real master of Port Malfou." Hastily he took them and stuffed them into a wooden cage, locking it with a hoof-sized padlock. "Be still if you want to live to take your next breath," he said ominously. He threw on his hat and his tattered coat, and stood in the middle of the room, bowing towards the door.

Sweetiebelle had felt Mudpuppy stiffen at the name of the village.  "What's Port Malfou?" She whispered.

"I heered of it from Meemaw," Mudpuppy whispered back. "Two, three hunnert years back, it was a big city on de river. It was big an' rich, but  dey say all sort o' wickedness go on there in de back alleys an' behin' close doors where nopony see. Den one day, an earfquake hit, an'  de land under it turn to quicksand-- an' De whole city, an' everypony in it, two thousand souls, sink right down into de swamp." Mudpuppy swallowed Sweetiebelle couldn't help notice that her accent got thicker the more scared she got. "Dat mus' be where we at. Dis mus' be de las' buildin' left of dat whole city..."

Sweetiebelle noticed that it had gotten unnaturally silent. The sounds of the swamp, the croaking of frogs and chirping of insects, had halted. "Not quite," Cotton Mouth said. "It wasn't any earthquake that sank Port Malfou into the swamp. It was him." The air seemed to throb like a heartbeat. Light, like faint summer lightning, pulsed outside in the cloud shrouded dark.

"Why?" Sweetiebelle said, horrified.

"Because he needed materials to work with," Cotton Mouth rasped, his eyes never leaving the door. "Did you think those zombies and kappas and hinkypunks outside were made from mud pies?"

"Merde," Mudpuppy whimpered. Sweetiebelle felt sick.

The heat lightning pulsed again. "Cotton?" a voice outside called out. It sounded old, ancient, more ancient than Granny Smith, more ancient than mummy dust. And something about it sent frissons of terror racing through Sweetiebelle's body.

"Cotton?" The voice called out again, louder. The witchlight pulsed outside the windows.

"A-a- n-n-ecromancer..." Sweetiebelle croaked, shaking.

"He's not just a necromancer," Cotton Mouth croaked back. She saw him lick his dry lips.  "He's a lich."

"COTTON!" The voice screeched, the illusion of patience all gone. The evil light flared, turning the windows white, seeping through the cracks round the door.

"Enter, master," Cotton Mouth called out and crouched lower. "You are welcome as a guest in my home."

The door swung open, and admitted a horror.

Sweetiebelle didn't scream. She wouldn't, couldn't scream.

Despite everything, despite all she had been through in her short life, she had never had a nightmare, either waking or asleep, more frightening than this. She was someplace so far beyond fear she didn't even know what to call it. She and Mudpuppy huddled together in their cage, utterly frozen.

The creature that strode in through the door was a horror. It looked like a pony, barely. It was pony-shaped, at least. It had no mane or tail and its fur was little more than ragged scraps. It's bare, gnarled, scarred skin stretched over gaunt strings of muscle and knobbled bone. It had no face, as if it couldn't bother with pulling flesh up over the bare skull. Tiny, shrunken eyes glittered wetly in the depths of its eye sockets and wept steady trickles of St. Elmo's fire.

In hideous parody of an alicorn, it had both horn and wings-- if you could call them such. Not merely one horn, but a line of them, A single large adult horn in the front, and short stumps trailing in a line down the back of its skull like a mohawk, sticking out through the few wisps left of its mane. It had thestral wings.. or the webless, sinewy parodies of them, that rather than stretching out in long thin wing bones, ended at the wrists in foot-long clawed fingers, with which it clutched and pulled at things around it. It wore a long, mildewed cloak that had been out of style among the aristocracy for at least a century or more, and clutched a skull-topped staff in one of its ghastly pseudohands.

Where the ragged cloak did not cover, Sweetiebelle could see tubes of fluids, strange bolted-on devices, and long, crude sutures. Even from here she could hear the clicking and wheezing of the odd devices bolted onto its body. She realized with a shock that she was seeing Cotton Mouth's handiwork on the creature, here. What was Cotton Mouth doing to him?

"Lord Malifec," Cotton Mouth said. "Welcome..."

He strode into the laboratory, skeletal head raised haughtily. A zombie honor guard, draped in the rusted remains of their armor, accompanied him, and stumbled their slack jawed way, one to each corner of the room. The stink of their sickly green flesh mingled with the chemical smells of the laboratory, making Sweetie and Mudpuppy's eyes water. Each one was trailed by a faint, blue-white flame of swamp gas, like the lost flame of a bunsen burner. It trailed behind them, flickering.

"So you have procured the alicorn foal?" Malifec said. In reply Cotton Mouth nodded toward the foals' cage. Malifec approached the cage, his bony hooves clacking on the wooden floor. "Eh? Two of them? Ah, I see... dullwitted kappa. Couldn't tell one from the other could they? Meh..." His eyes slid off Sweetiebelle as if she had ceased to exist, and fell on Mudpuppy. "Oh yes," he crooned. He reached through the bars with one wing-claw and seized Mudpuppy by the chin. "Yes, yes, it's true. Your little potion DID create an alicorn, didn't it, Cotton Mouth?" He cackled. "Perfect!"

"Oh yes, little filly," Malifec said, leering as he brought his head close to the bars and pulled her face in close. Sweetiebelle could see wisps of smoke drifting up from his false fingertips. He noticed it and chuckled. "See that? Were you a few years older, I suspect your aura would be quite unpleasant for me to touch. But you are still far too young, far too weak.... and once I have subsumed you, I will be immune to it.

"Oh yes, you are going to be the means to restore me to my full glory--Your flesh and blood and bone will be used to finally perfect this body... and I will be master in the realm of life AND death--"

Mudpuppy hawked and spat right in the lich's face.

Malifec didn't even twitch as the spittle trailed down his bony face, sizzling. "Still full of 'pluck,' I see," he said with a faint sneer. "Good for you, I'm sure. Shouting in defiance or screaming for mercy, your end will be the same.

"I'm sure you're hoping your alicorn sisters," he spat, "will come to save you in the nick of time." He released her chin with a jerk. "You might as well give up that silly hope. I made the lovely parish of Malfou Unchartable centuries ago, and have been reinforcing it ever since. Not even Celestia herself could find this village now."

Sweetie's eyes went round at this. Making a plot of land Unchartable was simple, if expensive in power; it was a variation on the same method that was used to make rooms larger on the inside than on the outside. It gave the plot of land a half-twist through time and space, making it all but impossible to find, or escape from, if one did not know the exact direction to go and place to turn. Mostly it was used to make hidden compartments in furniture or secret rooms; to do so to an entire city required incomprehensible power. If Malifec had made all of Malfou disappear like this, there was no chance of the two fillies finding the narrow keyhole out if they tried to escape.

He seized the cage in his magic and wrenched it up off the floor. "Oh yes," he said, leering at the two terrified foals. "You are our guests now.... from now... ON." His breath, hot and foul and reeking of embalming and the grave, washed over them.

For Sweetiebelle, it was finally too much. She toppled to the floor of the cage as the world went dark.

"Ready my chamber, Cotton," she heard the Lich say. "I wish to be replenished one last time..."

 

---

When Sweetiebelle came to, they had been moved once again. They were now in a circular stone chamber, as big around as the old Golden Oaks library had been. in the center of the room was what looked like a huge iron coffin, resting on a platform. The top was sealed with glass, and inside Sweetiebelle could see Malifec. Wires and tubes of oozing liquid were stuck all over him, pumping fluids from dozens of bottles and barrels around the base of the coffin into his body. He was lying still, hooves crossed over his chest, as if he were dead or asleep.

Mudpuppy was awake, too. Say what you will, Mudpuppy had all sorts of pluck. She was busy trying to use one of the rough, rusted bars of the cage to wear through the ropes on her forelegs. Silently she looked at Sweetiebelle and nodded her head at Sweetie's own ropes. Sweetie got the message and rolled to the other side of the cage to try and saw through her own bindings.

She nearly let out a squeak when she saw one of Malifec's zombies standing right next to the cage. Fortunately she stifled it in time. She lay there barely daring to breathe, watching the zompony for any sign it noticed her. The creature continued to stare listlessly at the center of the room, no sign of awareness on its slack-jawed face.

For a moment Sweetiebelle's curiosity overcame her fear. She looked over the zombie pony-at-arms. Its armor was rusted to ruin. Its horn, she noticed with a squeamish lurch, had been sawed down to a stub; she had a sudden notion where Malifec had gotten his row of horns from. The swamp-gas flame that seemed to follow all his undead hovered next to it, billowing weakly in the dark.

Something about that flame was odd. Sweetiebelle peered at it closer.  It almost looked alive, the way it moved and twisted about; every now and then she could catch a glimpse of-- a face--

She gasped silently. It was like looking at a picture with a hidden image; once you focused your eyes just right, it just snapped into focus. The flame had a face of a pony. Sometimes it gazed listlessly off into space, other times it seemed to twist and turn in every direction as if the pony was lost, or looking for something... "Please," she whispered to the flame. "Please, can you hear me? Can you understand me? Please, we need help..."

"They can't hear you," somepony said. Sweetiebelle yipped and looked in the direction of the voice. It was Cotton Mouth, wheeling a trolley laden with beakers and other tools through the door. Sweetiebelle could see the lab on the other side before he kicked it shut. "They're as blind and deaf to this world as if they had truly crossed over to the other side. Good on you for figuring it out, though. And nice try."

"Why... why.." Sweetiebelle couldn't finish the question.

Cotton Mouth shrugged as he moved about the room, setting things in place. For what, Sweetie didn't care to know. "Malifec's magic can keep the bodies... well... ambulatory," he said. "But without a soul, a spirit to motivate them, they'd just stand in place till they rotted away. The trapped souls are 'asleep'.... they cannot see or hear or feel the living world, but they give the body enough of a mind to remember how to walk, move about, respond to simple instructions, that sort of thing."

"That's horrible," Sweetiebelle whimpered.

"How astute of you." Cotton Mouth said, grunting as he pushed an enormous vat into the room. "to figure out that the activities of a Lich and his slave might be unsavory."

"Slave?"

"Do you think I'd still be here if I had free will?" Cotton Mouth snapped. "Oh don't go flinching and looking at him-- he's not going to wake up for some time yet. And yes, slave. I stumbled into this ruin by accident-- damn his hinkypunks, fifolets, whatever you call them and no, you don't want to know how he makes them-- and thought I'd hide here. I hunker down in this rotting old mansion just in time for him to come back and catch me. He's done... things... to me that bind me to his will as sure as if my bones were chained to the floor."

"What does he need you for, anyway?" Mudpuppy said. She never stopped sawing. "Liches are immortal, ain't dey? Live forever?"

"Yes. Technically." Cotton Mouth said as he bolted pipes and tubes onto the vat. "If you can call it alive. They can't feel anything. Taste anything. Food is like ash in their mouths, they can't feel summer sun or cool breeze. Can't even walk in places bathed by sun or moonlight-- 's why this place is overgrown and overcast all the time. Even feelings, other than ones of malice, are dulled to them. It's a miserable half-existence.

"And there's another thing they don't tell you in little Lich kindergarten," Cotton Mouth added. "Liches don't heal. Bet he felt like a right plonker after he figured THAT one out. All those promises of eternal life and vast power.... and what does he have to spend more and more of his power on every year? That's right; patching his crumbling body back together." He left, and returned, wheeling more mad scientist gear into place. "For all his power of the undead, he's physically as brittle as any three hundred year old geezer would be."

"That's why he needs you."

"So what, y' gonna cut us up into parts, stitch 'em in to replace what's broken down?" Mudpuppy's voice was scornful, but it shook.

"No." He paused, swallowed as if the words tasted of bile. "That is how he used to do it. He's been luring ponies here with hinkypunks for hundreds of years, for just that.  But...He and I developed a better way.

"I can use these machines to melt down living things to raw protoplasm. The 'living goo' in every living thing's cells. He can infuse himself with it, so that his body can sustain itself again, temporarily. It doesn't last long, eventually it wears off.

"But  if he infuses himself with the protoplasm of an alicorn... an immortal alicorn.... he'll have a truly living body again."  He glanced at Sweetiebelle. "He'll most likely throw you into the vat as well just for luck."

"Then why not...?" Mudpuppy tipped her chin in the direction of Malific's mechanical sarcophagus.

"Because I can't," Cotton Mouth said. "I can't even think about trying it, or the geas punishes me." he shuddered.

"We could."

Mudpuppy's two word reply sent shivers down Sweetiebelle's spine. Could they really? Sweetiebelle knew plenty of fairy tales where the brave little filly stuffed the evil witch in her own oven, or tricked her into eating her own poison apple--- but could she really do something like that in real life? Tip that monster out of his coffin, drive a stake through his heart or, or whatever it was you did to kill a lich? She saw the look in Mudpuppy's eyes and knew without a doubt the little swamp filly could... but Sweetiebelle didn't think she had that kind of cold hard nerve.

He actually seemed to consider it for a second. "You don't have what it takes to kill a lich," he said. "Even if you did, if you could... I would be forced to stop you. And if somehow you managed to do it..." he shuddered horribly... "The curse wouldn't let me die."

"And then you'd have to escape past an army of uncontrolled, rampaging zombies and masterless Kappa, and find your way out of this Unchartable ruin," he added. "I'm sorry. There is no escape. Not for any of us." He went back to his work.

"What are you going to do to us?" Mudpuppy said. He didn't respond.

"He'll be... awake... or whatever he is... in another hour. You'd better make your peace with your Maker between now and then." He left the room, refusing to look at them. The door slammed shut.

Sweetiebelle couldn't help it. She started to cry. She couldn't take her eyes off the horrible machines in the middle of the room, or the horrible undead thing lying in the middle of them. She was so scared she almost wished she'd die just so it would stop.

Mudpuppy hissed at her. "Sweetiebelle!" she said. "I got some o' my ropes loose. Hep me get at my saddlebags."

Sweetiebelle sniffed. "Wh-whuh?"

"My saddlebags. I wore 'em under my gown. Three-eyes didn't check for 'em."

"Why did you wear them under your dress?" Sweetiebelle puzzled as she scooched over.

"Cause only a coo-yon would go anywhere wit'out dey saddlebags full o' usefuls," Mudpuppy said. "Now help me!" After a great deal of squirming, rope-chewing, tugging, and whispered oaths, the two of them managed to tear Mudpuppy's skirt away and open one of her saddlebags.

Hope surged in Sweetiebelle's heart; the savvy swamp girl probably had a pocket knife or some matches or some other tool they could use to escape. Her heart plummeted to her stomach when the saddlebag's contents were finally revealed. Nothing was in there but Dapper Blue's bags of seeds, all the little varieties sorted into neat wax packets. She pulled out a packet with her teeth and dropped it on the cage floor. "Great," she muttered. "Maybe Malifec would like us to plant him a veggie garden before he boils us down into goo."

Mudpuppy picked up the packet between her front hooves and looked inside it. "Sweetiebelle," she said oddly. "I don't know much about how you upland folk do your gardenin'. so maybe I oughta ask.

"Do you-all used any seeds with faces on them?"

The fillies looked at each other. "Mr. Blue's magic seeds," Sweetiebelle said with growing excitement. "He must have mixed up the bags!"

"I can get 'em growin' lickety sizzle," Mudpuppy said. "We get out of here, find us a some open ground or even a li'l mud, we'll have us a beaucoup arsenal! C'mon, we gotta get out of these ropes afore he comes back!" She set to chewing at the knots in Sweetiebelle's ropes with a will. Sweetie returned the favor.

Minutes crawled and flew by simultaneously. Their jaws and teeth grew sore, and soon Sweetiebelle was convinced that the taste of grimy rope was going to linger forever. At long last, the ropes parted, first hers then Mudpuppy's, just as the door creaked open. Thinking quickly, they both hid the frayed ends of their ropes underneath them as Cotton Mouth came in. "Wakey wakey, Master," he said scornfully, turning a crank on the side of the metal coffin. "I think you'll be awake for this..."

Slowly the coffin righted itself and stood on one end. Pipes and tubes gurgled, and the witchfire started smoldering in the Lich's lidless eyes.  The creature toppled forward, its forehooves hitting the damp stone floor with a clack. He looked... still terrible. But at the least, less emaciated, his skin smoother and more supple. "So, it is time then," Malifec said eagerly.

"Yes, Master," Cotton Mouth said. He began plugging new tubes and inserting fresh needles into the undead necromancer's body. Fresh bottles of fluid were added; new potions and elixirs were set to drip. The steel tub next to the coffin was slowly filled with bubbling green ichor. The last bubble bath either of us will ever take, if we don't get out of here, Sweetiebelle thought, and gulped.

"Fetch the alicorn." Cotton Mouth went to the cage, unlocked it, and dragged Mudpuppy out.

He got the surprise of his life when the ropes fell away and Mudpuppy hauled off and kicked him right in the knee. he howled in pain and toppled to the floor. "Run!" Mudpuppy shouted. Sweetiebelle was already moving, seizing the seed packet in her mouth, leaping out of the cage and running as fast as her little legs would go, seeds spilling behind her and scattering across the damp stone floor. They dashed in opposite directions around the room, heading for the one exit from opposite sides.

"Stop her, you fool!" Malifec screeched. Sweetiebelle reached the door. She looked back. Both villains had ignored her entirely and focused on cornering Mudpuppy. She was trapped between them, Cotton Mouth standing akimbo, Malifec at the end of his tether of tubes and wires, his unicorn-horn mohawk crackling dangerously. "Give it up, little filly," Malifec hissed. "You can't fly with those feathers torn out of your wing. And you can't cast magic with that ring stuck on your horn."

Mudpuppy looked around and saw all the seeds scattered on the wet, muddy stone floor. She smirked at Malifec. "Well, Ah know sumpin you don't know," she said.

"Oh really?" Malifec sneered. "And what would that be?"

"I don't need my horn to cast magic," she said. She stamped on the floor with one hoof. A wave of magic rippled out from her hoof, spreading out across the floor. Seed hulls burst, rootlets probed down into muddy cracks, shoots and leaves reached upward for the light of the lanterns.

"What is this??" Malifec sputtered. Even as he spoke vines coiled up the equipment, the machinery, the walls, even the legs of the zomponies still standing unmoving around the room. Sweetiebelle kicked the door open, letting more light spill into the room. The vines became laden with blossoms and then with tiny green fruits that reddened, swelled...

Yes, thought Sweetiebelle, the chili peppers!

...into red, round fruit with rumpled, scowling faces.

"Tomatoes??" Mudpuppy yelled in exasperation.

"Tomatoes??" Cotton Mouth said in befuddlement.

"Tomatoes," Sweetiebelle facehoofed.

Malifec looked around him as fruiting vines continued to climb up every surface and tangle their way around the machinery hooked to him. Sweetiebelle fleetingly wondered what expression he would have had on his face if he'd still had one. "Is this some sort of joke?" he said.

A joke.  At that moment Sweetiebelle remembered two things: a cutie mark crusade she and the others had tried a month ago, when a traveling puppeteer had passed through Ponyville, and a joke.

The joke.

Not just a bad joke. The worst, most awful, most terrible joke in the world. The joke that was so terrible she'd never even actually heard the first half; the joke so awful that she'd gotten a spanking and their uncle had gotten thrown out of the house just for teaching her the punch line.

It was perfect. The target was open, the tomatoes were ripe, and she knew what to do. She took a deep breath and her horn lit up.

Malifec opened his mouth to say something, only to have, to his surprise, a dollop of light fly into it and small filly's voice come out:

"THE ARISTOCRATS!"

SPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLATSPLAT!!

Malifec and Cotton Mouth yowled and disappeared in a torrent of salsa as the trollmato plants lining the room proceeded to force feed Malifec tomatoes at machine-gun speed and velocity. Glass smashed, the steel tub and the coffin dented, and both villains went down in a spray of vegetable guts.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Ventriloquists, YAY! Thought Sweetiebelle. "Come on!" she yelled at Mudpuppy.

Mudpuppy took the hint and ran for the door, dodging trollmatoes and slipping in puddles of raw ketchup. She reached the door just as the tub toppled over, sending Malifec and Cotton Mouth scrambling for their lives as the flesh-dissolving goo spread across the floor. "Come on, that won't stop them for long!" Sweetiebelle said. The two fillies ran out of the chamber of death, out the laboratory door, into the murky night and freedom.

 

---

They ran heedless of direction, only seeking to be lost in the swamp and the night. But there was no shelter to be found; any time they found someplace that looked safe in the crumbing ruins of Malfou, they were rousted out by the glowing red eyes of the Kappas in their pools, or the moaning of the wandering zombies as they closed in. It didn't matter where they ran, Sweetiebelle knew. Malfou was Unchartable; their chances of finding the one route that led out of that terrible trap was next to zero. But they ran anyway.

They were almost to the point of exhaustion when Mudpuppy suddenly turned. "This way!" she said, picking up the pace again. Sweetiebelle struggled to keep up with the lanky legged filly. They turned another corner and there it was; a low hillock, surrounded by swamp water and flooded by moonlight. The only thing that stood on it was the crumbling corner of some long- decayed building; all of the rest of the little islet stood grassy and bare in the light. "That's it, that's safe!"

"How do you know?" Sweetiebelle said.

"I... I just do," Mudpuppy insisted. "I can feel it... Come on!"

She was right. One of the features of an Unchartable plot of land was that some part of it had to be a counterbalance. The islet was that counterbalance for Malfou. By a twist in time as well as space ,Malifec had turned the swamp-drowned city's dimensions a half-turn, making the entire city and any trace of its existence disappear from outside eyes, even hiding it from the face of the Sun and the Moon; The sky over Malfou was always dark and overcast, and the night was always on the dark of the Moon . But that grassy islet was the fulcrum upon which the Unchartability turned, and was the counterpoint-- there, the sun always shone, and the moon was always full, and had blessed the ground there with their light unceasingly for three hundred years. Its soil was clean of the taint of Malifec's evil experiments, and saturated with light touched by alicorn magic. Malifec's hoof had never trod there, and never could.

They took a brief, terrifying swim through the murky waters surrounding the island, and climbed up the hill on dry land, not stopping till they reached the peak. The two worked together, using their hooves and teeth to pry the magic suppressor rings off each other's horns.They took shelter in the shadow of the cornerstone. "We can rest here," Mudpuppy said. "F'r a little while.."

"And then what?" Sweetiebelle shivered. Something out in the darkness moaned; she pressed in to Mudpuppy's side.

Mudpuppy looked up. The rest of the city was dark and lightless, but once they'd climbed up on the islet they'd been able to see the Moon again. "We can see the moon here," she said. "If we can look up and see the Moon, they can look down and see us."

Sweetiebelle nodded. "So what do we do? Do we light a fire? Malifec and Cotton Mouth will see it too."

"I got an idea," Mudpuppy said. She pulled off her saddlebags. "First we gotta see what Mr. Dapper Blue gave us..."

They were fortunate. The seeds were carefully sorted into folds of wax paper, and unlike the first were properly labeled in wax pencil. The next hour was spent in hasty work, fumbling with shaking horns and hooves as they worked their way around the island, planting seeds in the soft black soil with a sharp stick, scattering others out over the water, laying out row after row till they had worked their way back up to the peak. Somewhere in the middle Sweetiebelle started singing softly, to try and still her frantically beating heart.

"Hush now quiet now

It's time to lay your sleepy head

Hush now quiet now

it's time to go to bed..."

It seemed to help; at least Mudpuppy didn't object--- Sweetie could hear her breathing calm and her hooves move more surely. Her own heart beat a little more steadily. She worked faster.

It had been a long day, and an even longer night. It had been hours since they'd rested, slept, or ate, and they'd not dared drink the muddy water of the swamp. They dug through Mudpuppy's panniers and found, to their less than enthusiastic amusement, a couple of moon pies from the parade, and a single bottle of water. They shared their meager meal and got ready.

"Aright," Mudpuppy said. "Once we starts this Fais Do-Do, dat bone face couillon an' his zombie pets are gonna come runnin.' We goanna hafta hold 'em off till somepony sees all the light and come to save us, or till de sun come up. We put all the sunflowers, the sunshrooms, an' the chili peppers up here closest to us, so's they last longest, and so's we can chunk them lil red devils at 'em.  Ifn' it gets real bad, start chunkin' more seeds around an' I'll try an' make e'm grow again. Hokay?" Sweetiebelle nodded, licking her lips.

"Hokay. Let's do this." Mudpuppy took a deep breath. Magic flowed out of her, from her hooves, her wings, her horn, into the air and water and soil around her. In a slowly expanding wave, the hill sprouted, bloomed, grew thick with stems and vines and leaves. A chorus line of sun-shrooms sprouted first, and began spitting out their tiny spores of light. The sunflowers came soon after; motes of light began showering down on the slopes of the little island till it glowed like a bonfire. The plants gulped down the motes of sunshine and grew even faster. Within less than five minutes the moonlit hill was covered with a green army.

Mudpuppy let out a whoosh of air and sat down. Sweetiebelle hugged Mudpuppy in glee. "You did it!" she squealed. But even as she spoke, rustles of discontent began breaking out all up and down the little island. Peas and corn began pelting other plants. Squash began thumping up and down in agitation.

"Oh no," Mudpuppy moaned. "We planted the wrong kinds next to each other! Stop it, Stop it all of you! We all gon' die if de zombies come and you all fightin...." She dashed back and forth, trying to get the plants to stop fighting, to get them to listen to her--- but to no avail. She sagged in despair as their garden kept right on squabbling with itself. "They'll be too busy fighting each other to even notice the zombies coming. What do we do?"

Sweetiebelle looked out over the swamp. She could hear Malifec and Cotton Mouth shouting, faint in the distance, egging the zombies and kappas on. They would see the light of the glowshrooms and sunflowers soon, and then it would be all over. "No! No, it's not FAIR!" she said, stamping her hoof as she wept tears of frustration and rage.

What could she do? Sing them a Lullabye? What good was that? She knew she was just a stupid filly who couldn't even get her stupid cutie mark, that all she was good for was hanging in the back and trying to talk everypony out of things, only to have them ignore her. Why would anypony listen to her now?

But didn't they understand?... they had to fight together, or they were going to die! They had to listen!

All that anger and pain and need swelled up in her like a balloon. As her horn lit, and a tiny globe of magic the size of a pearl settled on her throat, it came out in the only way it could.

Do you hear the ponies sing

From the mountains to the glen

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again....

The plants stopped fighting. Slowly, rank by rank and row by row, they turned to face her, mesmerized. The flowers and plants around her weren't the only ones; Mudpuppy was staring openmouthed as the tiny, muddy filly sang.

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Beyond the end of darkness

Is there a dawn you long to see?

Then join in the fight

For the right to live and be free!

This wasn't heartsong, Mudpuppy knew. Heartsong was something that just happened, that swept ponies up in it, and came and went as it pleased. This was different. This here, Mudpuppy thought with an icy thrill that ran down her spine, this had come because Sweetiebelle had called.

It was saying what she told it to say. And the garden of mayhem around her was listening. Every plant swayed in time. The sunflowers were singing in chorus with her. Even the squash and pumpkins were thumping out the tempo on the soft loam.

 

Will you give all you can give

So that our banner may advance

Some will fall and some will live

Will you stand up and take your chance?...

And cooee, if Mudpuppy wasn't feeling the rush herself.

...When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes !

 

 

"YOU LITTLE VERMIN!"

That falsetto shriek was a show-stopper. Everypony... everyplant.... stopped singing and faced outward into the night. While Sweetiebelle had been singing, Malifec had found them. He was standing just outside of the ring of moonlight, on the far shore, grinding his lipless teeth in rage. His kappas were gathered around him, and Cotton Mouth stood, or crouched, by his side.

"It would seem," Cotton Mouth said, clearly taking effort to project, "That they are inside the Counterbalance, where you cannot safely go, Master."

Malifec glared at his slave and seethed. "You press your luck with your impudence, Cotton," he hissed. He motioned to the Kappa around him with his skeletal wing-hand. "Go! Fetch the one with the wings to me." He looked up at the two fillies. "You may have the other one for yourselves," he leered.

Sweetiebelle shuddered, but she never stopped stamping out the tempo. Neither did the plants. They waited in silence.

The Kappas crawled into the water and began swimming for the island, the humps of their shells and their red glowing eyes showing above the surface. They weren't even halfway when the first one vanished with a yowp and a splash. Then another, and another. One almost made it to shore; it was just within the range of light cast by the torchwood stumps when dozens of tangle kelp vines lashed up out of the water, wrapped around its throat and dragged it to the bottom.

The first line of defense had held.

Cotton Mouth cleared his throat. "It would seem," he said, "That you are fresh out of Kappa, Master."

For a moment it looked as if Lord Malifec would throw Cotton Mouth into the water after them. Instead he held his staff up to the blackened sky and let loose with an inarticulate scream of rage. Lightning lashed from the staff and from his horns, turning darkness into daylight. Then came the moaning.... Out in the distance Sweetiebelle could make out dozens of swamp gas lights slowly making their way towards the little island. Then there were hundreds, rising up out of the swamp water, digging their way up out of the mud.... she remembered what Mudpuppy had said; there had been two thousand souls living in Malfou when it had disappeared into the quagmire...

"GET THEM!" Malifec said, pointing. "BRING THEM TO ME!!"

She upped the tempo of her hoofbeat.

Axes flash, broadsword swing,

Shining armour's piercing ring

Horses run with polished shield,

Fight Those Bastards till They Yield

Midnight mare and blood red roan,

Fight to Keep this Land Your Own

Sound the horn and call the cry--

The sunflowers joined in on the final line--- and so did the gourds, the torchwood stumps, the gator plums, everything with a face and a mouth in a boneshaking bass:

How Many of Them Can We Make Die!

Zombies by the score waded into the water and approached the island. Dozens were yanked down by the tangle kelp or peppered full of holes by the tiny seashrooms, but the sheer volume of undead won out. As they entered the ring of moonlight they slowed drastically... still, they came on. A hundred or so reached shore and planted their hooves among the potatoes. Had they possessed any free will or minds of their own, they might have questioned why said potatoes had little blinking lights. With a deafening roar the entire first wave of zombies were blown to kingdom come. Bits of undead rained down over the water. The second wave made it to shore in the gaps-- only to be zapped to a jittering halt by starfruit sparks, then mowed down by volleys of flaming peas shot through the wall of torchwood stumps.

"Laissez les bons temps rouler, you fils-putain!" Mudpuppy whooped, and began pouring magic into more seeds and plants.

Spitting with rage, Malifec flung a fireball at the alicorn. Two umbrella palms sacrificed their lives to shield her at the last second. A noxious cloud of poison cast by him was blown away by the spinning leaves of several giant clover. His magic sputtered. He refrained from anything more, cursing in some awful forgotten language.

He must be usin' nearly all his mojo to keep those zombies moving forward, she thought. "Keep it up!" she yelled, and raced to fill the gaps in the line with more seedlings.

Everything descended into bedlam. Potato mines erupted; pea plants spat torrents of peas that burst into flame, gator plums devoured zombies whole, peppers turned stretches of zombies into charcoal, melons arced through the air, decapitating zomponies, squash gourds hammered zomponies into pulp till they themselves burst. Flame and explosions and produce flying at killing speeds were everywhere, with sunflower seeds raining down in a constant shower and two fillies desperately rushing to fill the widening holes in their defenses with still more magically-sprouted plants. It would have been comical, if not for the soul-numbing horror of the grue and violence and the endless moaning of the zombie horde.

Sweetiebelle sang battle marches till her voice cracked. A watermelon vine cracked open one of its own melons and gave it to her; she ate the cool, wet flesh, slaking her throat, and fed hooffuls of it to Mudpuppy as she cast. They fought on.

The night ground on. The effect on Malifec's shambling hordes was devastating. Dozens, then hundreds of them were crushed, dismembered, incinerated. And still more came on. The garden army had destroyed hundreds, but Malifec's minions numbered over a thousand... slowly, plant by plant, row by row, they trampled the island's green defenders. The plants were crushed underfoot, torn apart and devoured, and fewer and fewer rose in their place.

Sunrise was still hours off yet, when Mudpuppy sank to the ground, her horn and hooves smoking. "I... can't..." she sobbed for air. "No more..."

"C'mon, just a little longer," Sweetiebelle pleaded, trying to hold her friend up. She was staggering herself. "We're... we're almost there--"

Mudpuppy puffed out her cheeks and strained. Only a few guttering sparks fell from her horn. "That's it," she slurred, tears welling in her eyes. She slumped to the ground, utterly burned out. Sweetiebelle slumped next to her. She had exhausted her own magical well, running back and forth, singing and drilling seeds into the ground.

She looked out over the battlefield; the hillside was covered with crushed plants and scattered bits of zombies. The sunflowers were left; there was a scattering of pea plants, a thumping, half-cracked gourd here, a heroically flinging melon plant there.

And there were still hundreds of zombies still coming.

The last few plants to sprout had been two or three massive black mushrooms that, at the last minute, had detonated all around the perimeter, shattering hundreds of zombies and flinging the horde back a hundred yards. Now there was nothing left between the two fillies and the next wave of shuffling zombies. They had maybe two or three minutes before the undead ponies reached them and...

She flopped down on the ground sobbed. She hurt. She was so tired, and cold, and all she wanted was her mother. The sunflowers crooned around her, confused and distressed.  "It's over.... I'm sorry," she said-- to whom she didn't know.  She didn't cry. She didn't think she had any tears left.

Mudpuppy whimpered into her side, shaking in fear and pain. Sweetiebelle felt her heart twist in sympathy. It seemed she had a few tears left after all. She offered the only comfort she had left... She cuddled Mudpuppy close and softly sang.

One day I will be...

Back in our old street...

Safe from the noise that's...

falling around me...

The air, the swamp, the whole world stilled, as one filly's voice filled the night sky. Her eyes drifted closed as her voice swelled, and the music came out. She did not see the flare of light on her own hip, barely felt the strange lingering sting through her bruises and rope burns as her horn, then her heart, began to glow.

The zombie horde... halted.

"What are you doing?" Malifec snarled. "What are they doing??" he turned to Cotton Mouth. No answer was forthcoming from that quarter; the wretched snake oil salespony was standing there unheeding, tears of guilt and shame and regret pouring from his eyes.

 

We've been cowering so long

Oh, what I would give,

I ask so little

Oh, what I would give

to stand at the bus stop

Or browse in a bookshop

to sleep and always be still....

 

The sunflowers joined in, singing in harmony. Sweetiebelle glowed from within as the music poured from her.

The undead stood, transfixed. The soul-flames that attended them congealed, took the form of faces. Mares, stallions, old nags, young foals, all of them listening raptly, their eyes awakening and filling with tears. Imprisoned in their own bodies, they had been unable  to see or hear with their own eyes or ears. Not even a heartsong could have reached their hearing. But this went beyond music, beyond mere sound. This was more than heartsong-- it was soul-song. Pure soul-music, pouring forth, carrying all the fear and pain and loss and grief of a lonely, frightened child...

They heard it. And it awoke them to what they had become.

The song rose, spread, filled the sky....  A growing sound came from the zombies; a moan that rose to a wail of anguish, horror and despair as their spirits awoke in the rotting horrors that their bodies had become, as their memories were restored of the monstrosities they had been made to do. As one, their eyes blazing, they turned on Malifec. Spectral voices spoke, and this time Malifec was the one who heard.

"What have you done to me?"

"Monsters! You made us into monsters!"

"Living corpses... oh Maker, the pain--"

"You turned us on our own families!"

"My husband--"

"My sister--"

"My children--"

"You turned us on foals. On Innocent foals!"

"Monster!"

"Villain!"

"Demon!"

Roaring in fury, the zombie horde closed on him, moving with more frightening deliberation than they had in centuries. Malifec screamed in rage and lashed out with his magic. But irony of ironies, the practice of Necromancy suffers one fatal flaw: all its most destructive spells are designed for afflicting the living-- not the living dead. Lightning lashed from his horns and scored unheeding flesh; poisons and curses to wither living bodies washed over corpses without affecting them; eldritch flames sputtered out, and there were scores of hooves to take the place of those that fell charred to ash.

They mobbed him...and dragged him bodily to the island. "NO, NO!!" Malifec screamed. But mercy was not forthcoming. He was dragged through the water, and up onto the islet. The moment the moonlight touched him, the instant the sun-blessed earth met his lich's flesh, he began to burn. Rotting hooves held him down to the Sun and Moon-blessed earth, the shower of sunflower seeds was allowed to fall on him unimpeded. He went up like an oil soaked rag dipped in phosphorous.

In moments it was over; the lich crumbled to ash, then less than ash. There was a massive lurch as the whole world seemed to shift sideways; Sweetiebelle staggered. She looked up and laughed; in the distance, flying across the face of the Moon was the Fabulosity; close behind it was the Surprise. The Unchartable spell on the ruins of Malfou had broken.

The living dead gathered around her, almost reverently. She looked up at them. The specters hovering over them smiled at her; some with tears. One of the zombies coughed, moved its lips, and managed to speak.

"W-w-e're sor-ree.." it rasped. "Th-thank-- yo-o-u..."

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," she whispered back. "And you're welcome." The ghost smiled... and its corpse crumbled to dust. All around, zombies began crumbling into piles of earth. Soon, nothing was left but the ghost flames.

Sweetiebelle felt a new song bubbling up inside her. A song of sorrow ending, of gratitude, of farewell, of utter joy. There were no words, and she doubted there ever could be, but she sang anyway. The guttering flames began to close, to swirl around her as motes of light swirling up into the sky.... all of them singing. She joined in, her wordless song blending with theirs, as the light swelled within her--

Mudpuppy stood, gawping at the place where her friend had been. There was a scorched spot of earth, nothing more.

 

---

On the deck of the Fabulosity, two alicorn mares suddenly stood straighter as something strummed across the cosmic strings of the universe. "Did you feel that--?" Rarity gasped.

"Indeed I did," Luna said. Over on the deck of the Surprise, Pinkie Pie could be seen hopping up and down maniacally (even more so than usual) and pointing. They had seen the strange fireworks in that direction earlier; now they could make out a single, pale white star slowly descending. Luna's smile spread across her face. "Full speed ahead," she said. "The missing foals have been found!"

They flew in over the ruins of what once must have been a fairly sized city, to a hill that glowed in the moonlight. The princesses, heedless of their guard's warnings, took wing and arrived first. Rarity hit the ground at a gallop and was the first to reach them-- two exhausted, muddy and tattered fillies, surrounded by a ragged garden of flowers. She swept them both up in her hooves and wings, hysterical with relief. None of those who gathered around missed the new cutie mark on the half-conscious little Duchess' flank... or her two tiny, snow white wings.

Luna landed a few strides away. She chose to keep her distance, let the loved ones reunite in relative peace for a moment. She watched as Rarity showering her admittedly over-wrought affections on Mudpuppy as well; it pleased her that the poor foal had found a surrogate mother in the melodramatic fashionista. The filly seemed confused at the attention at first, but was more than happy to accept it.

Luna cast around at the hillside, taking note of the craters and scorch marks, the crushed and mangled plants, and the countless hoofprints torn in the sod. It was with some bemusement she considered the debris. "It would seem there was something of a battle here," she said aloud.

"A bit of one." Her guards whirled on the voice, weapons ready. A badly deformed pony waded slowly ashore, limping on three legs. He dropped his battered silk hat in the mud and knelt before the princess. "I surrender myself to you, Princess Luna."

Luna looked him over. He positively reeked of corruption by dark magic. "What is your role in all of this?" she demanded, her eyes flaring with anger.

He didn't even quail. "Unwilling minion," he said. He pointed to a particularly large scorch mark with a half-crumbled skull sitting atop it. "If you want to see my boss, well-- he seems indisposed at the moment."

Luna's lip quirked at his morbid sense of humor. "And what would you have?"

He lowered his head. "Kill me quickly."

Luna blinked. "You would not plead your case? Plead for mercy?"

He grimaced. Luna saw that he was sweating and holding himself still at a great cost of will; she realized he was in terrible pain. "I may have been a slave but have my own crimes and sins," he said. "The deaths of thirty-five foals is just the start. And after what my 'Master' did to me.... a swift death would be the only mercy." Something bulged and shifted under his coat, eliciting a grimace of pain from him. "He swore that if he perished, that he would see to it that I would never be able to die. No matter how desperately I wanted it..." He hunched over. Luna clearly heard bones crack.

"The vitality elixir I worked on so long," he gasped. "He... altered it, so that it would make my body and organs grow out of control If he ever removed his influence. Now that he is dead, his powers are no longer keeping it in check..."

"I understand," Luna said. "Do you have any last requests?"

"My research," he said.  "You must believe me; I was onto something. Something incredible." The brief gleam of a fanatical researcher flickered in his eye. "It all went wrong for me-- but other researchers, better minds might glean something from it. That would make up for... at least a little of all this." He spasmed and sweated. "All my papers are in the manor-- locked away in a fireproof safe." He grinned sardonically. "I figured on it all ending in pitchforks and torches, decided it would be a shame if all my work went up in smoke..."

Luna nodded. "I will see it done." She lit her horn. "Have you any last words?"

"Just two," he rasped. More bones cracked; half his face swelled. His spine writhed and twisted. He looked up with beseeching eyes. "For as little as they're worth: I'm sorry."

Luna pointed her horn at him... hesitated....

"Do it!" he said. 

 Moonfire blazed over him. Instantly he was consumed; ash, then less than ash, fell to the muddy grass. Cotton Mouth's long purgatory was finally over.

 

---

Sweetiebelle felt herself carried aloft, with the sound of beating wings all around her. She came completely to as the guards carrying her set down gently on the deck of the Fabulosity. When she opened her eyes, there was Rarity and her guards and the rest of the crew.... and two faces she wasn't expecting.

"Momma! Papa!" she cried as the two ponies all but piled into her. She burrowed into her mother's neck as they wrapped her in a three way-- no, a four way, here came Rarity-- hug.  "How did you get here?" she squeaked.

"We were passing through Neigh Orleans on our trip and decided to stop and see the sights," Pearl said, sniffling. "When we heard about what happened..."

"Bless the Mayor for getting you to the Fabulosity," Rarity sniffled.

"Guess you got in a little kerfluffle, didja now," Magnum said. He had tears in his eyes and a proud grin on his face. "Lemme take a look at you, shortstop--" he backed up a step and then goggled. "Well ain't that somethin'," he said. He grinned. "...Princess."

"Oh my golly gee!" Pearl added.

"What?" Sweetiebelle looked down at herself-- then her wing wiggled, the feathers tickling her side. She did a double take, carefully stretching her tiny wings out. "Oh... wow." She blinked at her family. "So that's what happened." She turned around in a circle, flapping her wings experimentally, looking herself over. "Oh, omigosh... I got my cutie mark too?"

"Oh goodness gracious let me see!" Rarity squealed. There it was, a pale blue musical note, overlaid on a blue-white star that was framed by a golden laurel wreath.

"Oh I KNEW you were going to get something in music, Sweetiebelle," Rarity gushed. "What's it for, can you tell us?"

"Oh that's obvious, dontchaknow," Pearl scoffed. "It means she's gonna be a big famous music superstar, you betcha."

Sweetiebelle's memory flashed back; to a crowd of smiling, tearful faces, freed by music that only they could hear. Faces that flickered and burned and turned into a cascade of blue-white stars, shooting up into the sky... she smiled sadly at her family. "It... means something very special," she said. "But I... really don't want to talk about it just yet." Then her chin crumpled and she started to cry.

Pearl swooped her daughter up again. "It's all right, Sweetie," she crooned. "You don't have to talk now. You're safe now, you're safe...."

Across the deck another reunion was taking place. Mudpuppy's hooves had barely touched the deck when she was tackled by a frantically babbling Twig. He nearly strangled her as he hugged her.  An indignantly squeaking salamander crawled out of his mane, scolding her for dropping him back at the parade...

And there was Meemaw. She hobbled up, her wrinkled face unreadable. "What you gone got into, poor child?" she croaked. She wrapped Mudpuppy in a hug.

"Meemaw! There were kappa. An' zombies... An' a lich-- a right big evil bokor--wicked as de day is long---" Mudpuppy couldn't help it. She just started babbling all that happening. And shaking a little.

"A bokor?" Meemaw Catfish's eyes went wide. She gave Mudpuppy a severe look. "Did ye blow his haid off?"

Mudpuppy gave her a gaptoothed grin. "Sho nuff we did."

Meemaw's face creased into a smile. "That's a good gal," she crooned, patting Mudpuppy on the back with a chuckle.

Mudpuppy's smile faded. "Meemaw... Cotton Mouth was dere."

Meemaw went stiff. "Him??" Her voice was cold.

Mudpuppy shook her head. "Taint no matter, Meemaw," she said sadly. "Ain't no point in hatin' him no more. He did some wicked tings, Meemaw-- but he weren't no monster. Not like dat lich." She shivered; then her eyes turned sad. "He was just a pony dat was full of reckless pride. And he was dat bokor's slave, from the day he ran away till the day he died. That evil creature did awful things to him, Meemaw... " She remembered watching from afar as Cotton Mouth had all but crawled to Luna's hooves, his body twisting itself to pieces, and begged for death, and felt an upwelling of pity. "He spent every minute of his life, all these years, regrettin' his sins. Like you always said, dere ain't no profit in speakin' ill of de dead."

Meemaw didn't say anything at first. Her chin just wobbled a bit, and she gave Mudpuppy another long hug. "You kin come back to de bayou if'n you want, chile," she said. "If you tink you ain't ready for all dis..."

Bruised and battered, exhausted and magically burnt out, Mudpuppy still shook her head. "De world don't ever ask us if we ready for it," she said. "It just shows up one day. I gotta go do dis, might as well do it now." She looked over at Sweetiebelle and her family. "Besides," she said with another gaptoothed grin. "SOMEpony sensible like has gotta look after dese crazy city ponies."