Chapter Text
The past few days in the bunker since his panic attack had been slow for Dean, agonisingly so. Being constantly around not just one but three Caregivers was hell, especially when all those Caregivers were constantly worrying over him and having their instincts triggered daily. The sheer number of pheromones now stuck in the air of the bunker was driving Dean insane. It was so much harder to keep his Little side suppressed when he was constantly being stimulated by the invisible scent particles.
It had gotten so bad that he had noticed his eyes fading into a light lilac colour for the first time in his room mirror after he had quickly departed from a conversation with Sam and both angels, all of whom were in their headspaces over a comment he’d stupidly made on his lack of sleep. He had been taking his suppressants regularly just as he was meant to, but they didn’t seem to be working anymore. He’d had no choice but to change his dose from one pill every 5-6 hours to two pills every 4 hours.
He supposed it wasn’t healthy, especially since it was an illegal drug, but what fucking choice did he have? Plus he’d actually lost his beard because of the stupid pills not working. The hair follicles had died and fallen out, leaving his face baby smooth with not even a five o’clock shadow present. It was like he’d never had any scruff at all and he was pissed about it. All that hard work growing it for nothing.
Not only that, but something else was really wrong with him. Besides the crippling mental health issues. The episode he had experienced in the parking lot with Baby before hunting the ghoul was playing on his mind, and the even scarier part was it had happened again.
The evening of the following day after his panic attack he had been in his room just reading on his bed when he’d felt that same stomach-dropping sensation and the metallic taste flooded his mouth. Suddenly his muscles had all clenched and he had slipped straight off the bed, hitting the concrete floor hard. He had hoped the first time had been a fluke, a side effect of his shot nerves and unhealthy lifestyle, but this time he was in an environment where he felt safe. Hiding the large bruise on his arm from the impact had been difficult the next day, to say the least.
Dean hoped if he ignored it, it would go away. Yeah, that seemed naïve but what choice did he have? Hospitals were a big no-no for him and if he told any of the other men in the bunker, he was sure to be dragged to a doctor. He just had to grit it out and bear it.
Dean was in the shooting range, aiming his gun down the range at the humanoid shape. He had taken a paint marker and drawn a pair of angry red eyes and a goofy smile with big fangs on the face of the target. He unloaded the pistol’s clip into the cardboard target, effectively shredding the monster-esque face. Smirking to himself he ejected the pistol clip with swagger and bowed to the target. “Suck it bitch, never beat the ace Winchester,” he said cockily.
“Nice one, Butch Cassidy,” came a voice from the doorway. Dean jumped and spun around, aiming the gun straight at his younger brother who was grinning at him with an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed as he leaned on the doorframe. “Not gonna do much with an ejected clip, Dean.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Sammy,” Dean spat angrily, lowering the gun and throwing it on the range table along with the empty clip. “Don’t scare a man like that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack bitch.” He rubbed his eyes a little, they were itching bad. Sam’s face shifted into one of slight concern.
“You okay, Dean? You sleep okay last night?” He kept his distance from his brother, choosing to stay in the doorway. He’d just got Dean back and he didn’t want to accidentally start crossing boundaries. Dean just glared at him, which didn’t have as much effect as he thought. He just looked like an angry little hedgehog, his tired eyes all squinted and puffy, and his hair spiked up all over the place.
“You think I haven’t been sleeping in my amazing memory foam bed that you mocked me for when we first arrived?” Dean asked incredulously, trying to suppress a yawn rising in his throat. “Of course I have idiot, that thing is way better than those gross motel beds I’ve been on.”
He was absolutely bare-faced lying to Sam. Dean hadn’t slept at all. When everyone would hit the hay, Sam heading to his room and the angels heading to their respective ones to ‘rest their eyes’, Dean would end up sitting on his bed and reading through any lore he could. Anything to keep him awake, because he knew if he fell asleep, he would see fucking horrible things and would wake up screaming. Sammy and the angels already thought he was fucked up as it was, he didn’t need to fuel their desire to smother him with care.
Sam gave him a look; he knew when Dean was lying. Dean just stared at him defiantly. They stood in silence for a second before Sam broke it. “Whatever, dude, you just look like shit. Come on, Gabe’s just been out to get snacks, so we are all going to watch a movie. No Dean, all of us,” he cut across, raising his hand to stop Dean who had opened his mouth to protest.
Dean groaned for a moment before sighing and walking towards Sam. “Fine, but he better have bought liquorice,” he said grumpily as he pushed past the tall man who huffed out a chuckle.
“Yeah, he got some of your dirt candy don’t worry,” Sam said, falling into step with his short brother.
“Dude, I am not having this argument with you again,” Dean said loudly, gesturing with his hands. “Liquorice deserves to have a space on the Movie Snack Wall of Fame, okay? Just because you have no taste in anything doesn’t mean I don’t.” Sam chuckled at his brother’s antics and shook his head.
“Yeah, that’s right. You know I’m right, bitch,” Dean jabbed with a smirk.
“Jerk,” Sam responded, elbowing Dean into the wall as they walked into the Dean Cave. The two noticed that Castiel and Gabriel were waiting for them, Cas sat in the armchair with his feet up on the coffee table and Gabriel sat on the side of the couch closest to his brother. The two angels were having a quiet conversation and cut off when the bickering brothers entered. Sam jogged forward and plonked down in the seat next to Gabriel, throwing his arm over the shorter angel’s shoulders and pecking him on the cheek with a grin.
Dean trudged forward and snatched the bag of liquorice off the table before grabbing a blanket from the chest and slumping on the couch next to his giant brother. “What movie are we even watching?” he asked, trying to crane to see the case tucked next to Cas in the armchair.
“I picked one I thought looked good,” the younger angel shrugged, popping another kernel of popcorn in his mouth. Dean groaned and leaned back in the chair.
“We are fucking doomed then,” he grumbled. Crossing his arms and munching on a piece of liquorice from the bag. Gabriel and Sam laughed as Cas glared at Dean before pressing the on button for the TV, they laughed even harder when the menu screen for Finding Nemo popped up and Dean groaned even louder.
“Dude! Really? Nemo?” Dean looked to Castiel who just shrugged and pressed play. Dean grumbled under his breath and leaned back, pulling the blanket up around himself and shuffling down to get more comfortable. The movie started and the group watched as Nemo’s mother became a barracuda’s dinner as well as all of Nemo’s siblings.
“Damn, you would’ve thought she’d hide her kids better, huh?” Gabe commented, his mouth full of M&Ms.
“Gabe,” Sam said wearing bitchface #32. “She’s a fish.”
“So? I’d hide my kids better, plus I’d be a way sexier fish than her,” Gabe grinned at Sam, his teeth all chocolatey. Sam rolled his eyes and focused back on the screen. Dean wasn’t really paying attention. As soon as the movie had started and he was snug under the blanket, he felt his eyelids starting to droop, sleep trying its best to pull him under.
By the time Nemo was swimming out to touch the boat, Dean’s head was dropping, and he kept snapping it back up, jerking himself awake again. Sam noticed this and slowly took his arm off Gabe’s shoulder, the angel looking at him in confusion and Castiel looked over at the movement. Sam motioned towards Dean’s slowly slumping form with his head and both angels peered over at him, watching with a smile as Dean jerked his head up again, eyes blinking blearily.
Sam gently wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder and pulled him down towards his lap. Expecting some sort of fight he was surprised when Dean went a little limp and lay down willingly, his head resting on Sam’s lap and his body curled up around his family-sized bag of barely touched liquorice. Sam adjusted the blanket, so his brother was covered and kept snug and, in a moment of bravery, reached down and carded a hand through his spiky hair. Dean didn’t even flinch, sighing deeply and relaxing under the affection already fast asleep.
Sam’s lips quirked in a smile at the peaceful innocence of his sleeping brother. “Wow, he must have been really tired,” Cas commented from the armchair, watching with a smile. “I thought he’d been sleeping better since he came home?”
“I don’t know,” Sam frowned, looking up at his boyfriends. “I mean, he goes to his room every night but are we sure he’s sleeping? You should’ve seen him earlier in the gun range, he was going to shoot me with a gun that had no magazine in it.” Sam said, recalling the earlier events.
“He has been kind of out of it since he got back like something is on his mind,” Gabe added. “He’s also been super flighty, have you noticed?” Sam nodded and hummed at his boyfriend’s words; he glanced back down at the small sleeping form resting on him before looking back at the movie on screen.
“We can talk about it later, just let him sleep for now,” he said, seeing both angels nod and turn back to the movie in his peripherals. They watched the rest of the movie, Castiel particularly enjoying the positivity of the little blue fish with memory loss. Just as they were watching Nemo’s daring escape from the dentist with the help of Gill, Sam felt Dean shift in his lap.
He looked down and noticed the pained, terrified expression plaguing his brother's face. His eyebrows knitted in concern as a whine escaped from Dean’s mouth. Both angels suddenly snapped their attention from the movie at the sound, their celestial senses feeling the terror and pain radiating from the sleeping man.
“Sam, Sam I think he’s having a nightma-” Cas was cut off as a scream ripped from Dean’s throat. The feeling of a relaxed body in Sam’s lap was gone as Dean’s entire body tensed, curling tightly into a ball with his hands lodged in his hair, his bag of liquorice falling forgotten to the floor. The angels jumped into action, rushing to Dean’s side as Sam shook his screaming brother. All three men’s eyes were aglow.
“Dean! Dean, you need to wake up!” Sam shook Dean’s shoulders as another scream mixed with sobs broke free of the short man’s lungs. Gabriel and Castiel cringed at the noise, not knowing what to do. Tears streaked down Dean’s face and Sam’s eyes were welling at the sight of his brother trapped in his tortured mind. Suddenly Gabriel had an idea.
“Sam!” he yelled over the screams, his boyfriend looking up at him with watery orange eyes. “Cover your ears!” he motioned with his hands and watched as Sam clamped his hands over his ears and nodded. Castiel stepped back, knowing what his brother was going to do. Gabriel’s closed his eyes and opened them, the orange now mixed with a pure celestial blue.
“DEAN!” he yelled, mixing his angelic voice with his mortal one, cutting through the nightmarish scenes in Dean’s head and ripping the man from his sleep with a final scream. Dean shot upright as the remnants of the scream tore past his lips. He panted heavily for a second before the nausea that followed every nightmare bubbled up in his throat. He launched off the sofa and sprinted out the doorway, Sam and the angels calling after him.
He barrelled down the hallway hearing the footsteps behind him and slammed open the door to the bathroom. He skidded to a stop in front of one of the stalls and burst through the door, landing hard on his knees and sticking his head over the toilet bowl just as his stomach emptied. It hurt a lot more this time as he’d been fed well, chunks of half-digested food battering the sides of his throat as the acid burned him. His body lurched with every gag, his stomach clenching horribly and his lungs burning from lack of oxygen.
He heard footsteps behind him before a large, warm hand rested on his back and rubbed comforting circles. He sobbed as he dry heaved, his stomach empty but his body unwilling to stop as he clutched at the seat of the toilet with white knuckles. He heard Sam and the angels muttering behind him, probably wondering what the fuck had happened. He’d had another nightmare, this time he wasn’t in control of his body as Sam, Gabriel and Cas all lay on the rack. He had tortured them and listened to them scream and beg for him to stop. It had been horrifying.
The images swam in his mind, and he felt his mind getting a little fuzzy, his emotions slipping out of his control as his body ceased its heaving. He needed his meds but right now he didn’t care, he fell back from the toilet, straight into Sam’s arms and curled towards his brother's chest, sobbing into his shirt.
Sam was shocked when Dean had suddenly bolted from the room after his nightmare, but that had nothing on right now as Dean finished throwing up and collapsed backwards, straight into his arms. He now held his sobbing brother on the floor of the bathroom as he clung to him as if his life depended on it. Sam looked up at the two angels with burning orange eyes full of concern, seeing similarly glowing eyes looking back at him.
“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled between tears in Sam’s arms, his breath getting out of control as he hyperventilated. He couldn’t slow down; he couldn’t catch his breath at all. He heard Sam say something to him, but his vision was swimming and there was the sound of rushing water in his ears, muffling everything around him.
Suddenly he felt that dreaded dropping sensation in his stomach. He panicked more as a pressure built up at the top of his neck and the copper taste returned to his mouth and filled his nose with a metallic sting. This felt different, this wasn’t right. What was happening? Dean panicked as the pressure building at his neck suddenly broke and shot to the end of all his limbs.
Then everything went black.