Chapter Text
“you’re just doing this on purpose.”
“leave us alone, satoru. or better yet, go get us a snack. i think there’s some jerky in the pantry.”
satoru sighs and walks to the kitchen counter, where megumi is attempting to write a report. “megumi,” satoru says, his voice trying to be rough. “release them.”
megumi doesn’t even look at him. “why? they’re playing.”
“they’re stealing my wife.”
“we’re not married!” you call, and resume cooing at the dog on your lap.
“megumi, im lost without her. i might die. don’t you want to help me?”
“not really.”
satoru scoffs, leaning against the counter, on top of megumi’s papers. “i’m the reason you have them, you know.”
“i don’t use your shadows for summoning,” megumi retorts, trying to push him off.
“why not? they’re probably better than everyone else’s.”
“i don’t trust you.”
satoru remains where he is, pouting.
“satoru,” you call, from the couch, “let megumi do his homework.”
“yeah, satoru,” megumi says, pulling his hair.
“it’s papa to you.”
megumi mimes throwing up. then he pinches satoru’s ear, which is evil and who knows who taught him that? (you did).
“go away, gojo.”
“they’re probably tired,” satoru whispers. “you should give them a break.”
“don’t!” you say, laughing when one of them licks your face.
satoru watches, a devastating frown on his face.
“you’re so sweet,” you’re telling them, in a voice satoru doesn’t think he’s ever heard you use. “how’d you get so sweet?”
if satoru was a dog, his tail would probably wag at just the sound of your voice too.
he’s never wanted to hurt an animal more.
“hey,” megumi pokes satoru’s cheek. “can you move?”
“not until you give me my wife back.”
“she’s just petting them.”
“she’s neglecting me.”
“if you grow some fur, i’ll pet you too,” you tell satoru, still not paying any attention to him.
“what about my beautiful skin?”
“meh. overrated.”
“just say you hate me.”
you roll your eyes but you still haven’t looked at satoru, or smiled at him, or told him that you love him today.
how is he supposed to go on like this? the kids were trouble enough. now he has to fight two dogs?
“megumi, what if i give you—“
“i told you to stop bribing the children,” you interrupt, shaking your head. “i already told him, yes i did,” you say to the dogs, voice full of fake sympathy.
“i don’t want your money anyway.”
“how about my love and affection?”
megumi raises an eyebrow, his face far too amused for satoru’s liking.
“tsumiki would never treat me like this.”
“you can go pick her up,” you tell him. “just say that you missed her. she’ll probably be fine with you dragging her away from her friends because you’re jealous and lonely. most teenagers wouldn’t mind that.”
megumi laughs.
“i don’t deserve this.” satoru stands up, huffing at both of you, and walking down the hall towards his room. “i’m gonna find a home where im appreciated.”
you coo again. “good luck! ask them to send us some snacks.”
satoru groans, leaning against the wall.
“can we really send him away?” megumi asks you as soon as he thinks satoru is gone.
“mmm,” you pretend to think about it. “it’d be a hard sell.”
“i can make the posters.”
at that, satoru turns right around, bursting back into the room with a scoff. but before anyone can say anything, he walks over to where you are on the couch and falls on your lap.
“ugh, satoru,” you say, groaning as you adjust to his body weight on yours.
“you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
you roll your eyes, but resume your petting—this time it’s satoru at your will, though. he basically purrs into your touch. “i knew it was too good to be true.”
“should i still make that ad or…”
satoru throws a pillow at him in retaliation and you just shake your head. but it doesn’t seem to matter who you’re petting, as long as there’s someone there.