Chapter Text
"And when I call, you come home
A bird in your teeth"
Theo was pacing, he couldn’t stop pacing. He had, several times now, come up with a plan, decided it was infallible, only to completely tear it down on his next lap around the living room. Run to Kitsey, no that would only inevitably lead to far too many questions about his disappearance and a messy break-up Theo didn’t have the wits to handle right now. Run to Ms. Barbour, also a no, as if Boris’s determination to have this out flew him across the ocean, no doubt it wouldn’t stop him from trouncing frazzled and uncouth into the Barbour’s lobby to cause a scene. There was nowhere he could go that did not lead to only more trouble and so Theo paced, he paced, and paced and paced.
Hobie had dipped down into the workshop, and no doubt could hear Theo’s footsteps echoing through the wooden floor, but he didn’t comment. This was something Theo was going to have to handle alone. He couldn’t wrap his head around why Boris had gotten on a plane. Hobie had no more information to give on the calls other than he was repeatedly asking if Theo was home yet. Perhaps Boris was determined to salvage their friendship in some way, Theo had been sure he’d keep his distance to avoid hurting him, but maybe Boris hadn’t fully grasped how deep Theo’s feelings went. He’d arrive and try to convince Theo he was out of his mind, his confession was prompted by cough syrup fueled delirium, sleep deprivation, or some trauma-bond from surviving Martin together. This had happened a few times when they were young as well, Theo had gotten a little intimate with his pillow talk as they dazed off drunkenly, and Boris would only hush him.
“I don’t ever want to get married, I just want this, with you, forever.”
“You are out of your mind, Potter. I am a mess.”
Perhaps, Boris figured this was just the ravings of regression, Theo clinging to Boris as he did when they were kids in the wake of all the chaos they had endured together. Boris didn’t know how he haunted Theo in the years since Vegas. How no matter how many women he slept with, how hard he tried to repress it all, his love for Boris was always lodged in the back of his psyche. He was in everything, blood pumping rock and roll music blasting from clubs that Theo passed, the swirls of purple and red in the sunset over Battery park that reminded Theo of his lips always chewed and bruised in their youth, the spirited teenagers cackling laughter on the streets, everything beautiful since Vegas had a piece of Boris in it.
It wasn’t until the sun began to set and the light in the living room shifted to a hazy glow that Theo realized just how long he had been pacing for. At least two hours, probably closer to three. He was dead exhausted but he couldn’t bring himself to go to bed. He knew Boris wouldn’t be here for another 8 hours, at least, but still, the whole ordeal of going through with his nighttime routine, brush his teeth, wash his face, put on his pajamas, it all felt ridiculously tedious in the wake of what was about to happen. He allowed himself to sit for a moment on the couch, a brief respite to catch his breath before the pacing resumed. But before he could even feel himself drifting off, that sitting had turned into a deep slouch and Theo’s eyelids grew heavy.
-
He awoke in a complete panic, seeing, much to his distress, he had been out long enough for the sun to rise. A quick look at his watch has his distress transforming into full blown terror as he realized he had been out for almost a full night, and Boris, was likely to arrive at any minute. Theo quickly picked himself up and ran into his room, feeling his heart jump in horror at the sight of himself in the mirror - wrinkled clothes, disheveled hair. He knew it was foolish to care what he looked like, it wouldn’t make any difference in Boris’s affections, but his pride pulled him into the bathroom where he did the best he could to groom and wash himself under the extreme time pressure. He was just in the middle of combing back his unruly hair when he heard the sound - that terrifying sound - the banging of someone at the front door.
For a moment Theo contemplated hiding, tucking away under his bed until Hobie reluctantly dragged himself up and answered the door. When that seemed inadequate - knowing Hobie would only find him in such a state of shame - he contemplated jumping straight out his bedroom window and fleeing onto the street. But with a few shaky deep breaths, Theo put the idea to rest. He couldn’t run again, he was done running. He needed to face this.
With uneasy steps he made his way to the front door. Through the peephole he could he see him. Hair unbrushed with curls sticking out at all angles, purple circles under his beautiful black eyes, chewing at his lip with a nervous expression. ‘He doesn’t even know what nervous feels like,’ thought Theo with a touch of bitter jealousy.
Before he could dwell on how beautiful Boris looked, even in such a state of unkemptness, Theo forced himself to swing open the door. For a moment they just stared at each other, eyes locked. Theo was certain his fear and anticipation were painted evidently on his face, while Boris, in contrast, donned a perplexing expression that Theo couldn’t read. There was a softness in his eyes, a look Theo could’ve easily mistaken for love in another person, but his mouth was twisted down into a grimace and his brow furrowed.
“What ar-“ before Theo could even get his second word out he felt a fist collide with his jaw. It wasn’t a hard punch, he could telling Boris was holding back, but it still stung like a bitch and sent his stumbling backwards.
“What the fuck, Boris!” He spat.
“That is for making me come all the way across the ocean, bastard!” Boris barked.
“I didn’t ask for you to come here!”
“What was I supposed to do? You run away all sad and just poof! Disappear. I thought you were going to kill yourself.”
Theo straightened himself and met Boris with a glare. “I’m not going to kill myself,” He said firmly, massaged at his aching jaw.
“You didn’t know you when we were kids!” Boris shouted, leaving Theo momentarily stunned with uncomfortable memories. Boris was right, Theo hadn’t exactly crafted the best reputation in terms of being a danger to himself. “I was up all night on that plane, worrying about you!”
“I’m sorry,” Theo said, suddenly hit with a wave of guilt, “I panicked. I said too much and I didn’t want to burden you with it… with me. I thought you’d be better off if I just left. I didn’t think about how it looked.”
“I am never better off without you,” Boris said, so plainly, like a statement of the most basic truth. His expression soft and open, eyes tracing over Theo’s features. For a moment Theo wanted to run over and kiss him again, forgetting all logic and reason.
“You seem to be doing pretty well,” Theo said.
“I am. I am doing really well. But I am better with you.”
“How come you never came to find me then?” Theo felt the words slipping out of his mouth before he could control himself.
“When we were kids…” Boris trailed off, appearing to be choosing his words carefully for the first time Theo had ever seen in all his years knowing him, “I was stupid. I didn’t know what was good for me. I just wanted fuck and do drugs and get rich. And when I got older, slowed down, I thought about coming to find you, I even stopped outside here a few times. But from everything I heard you were doing so well. At a good school, a good salesman, hot girlfriend. I didn’t want to come in and blow it up.”
“What do you mean blow it up?”
“Well you know me. My business, it’s legitimate business, but it’s, how do you say, volatile. And you and I, lethal combination. I knew we’d end up in some trouble. Potter’s perfect little life goes boom” Boris made the sound of an explosion and gestured it with his hands.
Theo felt his body go slack. He understood exactly what Boris was saying, his life looked perfect from outside because that’s what he wanted, what he crafted. He leaned against the back of the sofa, and hung his head.
“Boris, what I said in Amsterdam,” Theo said to the floor, “I meant it. I love you, I never stopped loving you.”
Suddenly Theo felt a hand cup his cheek, cool and lithe. Boris raised Theo’s head so their gazes met.
“What are you doing?” Theo stuttered.
“I’m blowing it up.” Boris smirked, leaning in to kiss Theo softly.
Theo parted his lips, pulling Boris closer as their bodies pressed against each other.
Theo pulled back, their faces still hovering an inch from one another, “But everything you said about just needing girls?” He asked, his heart pounding against his chest.
“I don’t know,” Boris whispered, pushing his forehead against Theo’s, “I think this was me trying to push you away.”
“Why?” Theo asked.
“I am going to hurt you, Potter. I am not a good guy.”
“I don’t care,” Theo shook his head, he could feel tears welling in his eyes, “I don’t care if you hurt me.”
“But I do.”
A heavy silence filled the air as they stood, pelvises still pressed together and arms wrapped around each other.
“I’m moving to New York,” Boris finally said, “full time.”
“What?”
“I’m not asking you to do anything for me. To leave your girl or change anything. But this is a good city, I’ve decided. And I want to be near you. I’d like to be near you.”
“I’d like that too.” Theo whispered.
“And we can figure it out?” Boris asked with a toothy grin that made Theo’s heart ache with affection.
“We can figure it out.” Theo agreed.
Theo pushed his hand deep into Boris’s curls and pulled him in for another kiss. His lip, split from the punch, spilling blood into his and Boris’s mouth. It tasted like Vegas, like the memories he clung to, and for the first time in a very long time, Theo felt like he was finally home.