Chapter Text
Regardless of personal troubles, time marched on. The sun and moon continued to rise and set. Days, weeks, months and years passed. They each moved on in their own way. Zolt had strings of one night stands, a few more serious relationships that fizzled out. The problem was never the ladies in question. All of them were strong, witty and confident; everything he liked in a woman. None could compete with the apple of his eys though they may have resembled her.
Lin and Tenzin smoothed things over and carried on as if they’d never had a break up. Old issues still persisted, sat unaddressed. They performed the motions of love and love was there. It was always there, quiet and easy to ignore like a record playing in another room. They went on dates, shared a flat and a bed. They made love, the same positions and pillow talk as before. Though he was sweet and gentle and attentive. Lin was simply bored. It was all muscle memory for them. Practiced. Familiar motions until orgasm then falling asleep. Tiresome.
Without lust and passion. Without dominance or flirtation. Just puzzle pieces slotted together. The body was occupied and the mind unstimulated.
Lin found her own enjoyment in a locked bathroom. Reclined in a tub. Hands wandering. Imagining amber eyes and tanned skin. The fruit that is forbidden is the sweetest. Afterwards she moved throughout her day with a flush of shame.
Tenzin was kind, always a gentleman. They strolled in the island’s garden enjoying the fragrance of flowers and quiet company. Basked in the comfort of one another. These moments were why they each stayed. In these moments they were shy teenagers and best friends tempted to be more. They’d sit and picnic. Happier days.
When they returned from work to their shared space they walked through familiar routines. Played their favorite songs, swayed and hummed. Ate vegetarian meals. Debated politics. Bantered.
It is said that contentment in a choice and happiness is a temporary emotion. So, it’s no wonder that they were happy but uncontented.
As his father aged, Tenzin grew more and more desperate. The old argument would rear its ugly head. She knew he needed to have a wife and children to carry on his father’s legacy, he knew she was a career woman. He knew her answer and he still asked and insisted. He begged for a different answer. If Lin were to be honest, it wasn’t so much her job or a lack of desire to be a mother as it was a lack of desire to be the mother of his chidlren. A lack of desire to be his wife. She loved him, but she could not accept the pressure and scrutiny of what he asked her to be or more accurately what he needed her to be.
There was more than that even. The idea of being pregnant again made her feel a sadness. Something sharp. Something that clawed at her heart and took the air from her lungs. A feeling she could not surrender to or admit to anyone. She kept her past to herself. It was those nights that she cried herself to sleep silently.
So, a little more than a decade passed in this rough manner.
Tensions and needs and desires had spilled over. Avoidance and arguing took their toll. So when a shy acolyte confessed to him Tenzin saw an inevitable outcome before him. He knew he must put aside who he was and what he loved for what he will be; what he will have to be.
So, a rough and tragic end came to decades of friendship.
Zolt walked into a familiar hang out as he had many times before. Only this time would change everything.
There she was deep into another glass of whiskey, in a red dress. The color of fire, fortune and feverish fascination. Green and amber eyes meet across a smoke-filled bar. They didn't acknowledge each other until the bar was nearly empty. Until the midnight sky wrapped the city in blue.
They finally approached one another.
Zolt offered his jacket and his arm, “I know there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me.”
“I love you.”
The worry that Lin had spoiled it all by saying something stupid disappeared as they walked outside together.
Smoggy air shrouded the night stars leaving only the brightest to shine on them. The air smelled of Zoltan’s cologne and the liquor on Lin’s breath. They returned to the flat they’d inhabited a decade ago exactly as it was. They’d returned not to resume things as they’d left off, but to have a happier start. A second chance at love.
Cool air slipped through lace curtains; they hummed along to jazz records. They danced in the kitchen, hearts fluttering with excitement.
A year later t hey welcome a baby boy.
Though at first, they felt trepidation, and old pains, joy grew.
Though they’d never imagined it, their family grew.
Though there were scary nights where they'd feared a familiar outcome…
Zolt holds his son for the first time and finds himself no longer haunted by the past. It is still there, firmly in his heart but his pain has turned into a strength and acceptance he has never known. He feels an overwhelming sense of pride. He turns to face the window. The shining lights, the blinding sun, and the towering buildings. He no longer feels small. He stands just as tall as the skyscrapers. The sun shines just for him for a moment. He feels how his father must have felt, turning to the love of his life. Beautiful even in exhaustion. Radiant. Mussed hair, sweat on her brow, beginnings of a smile on her face.
Love is a knife. It will leave scars. We will endure.
Though there are sleepless nights ahead, and old pains will never truly disappear, they smile.
Pain and joy alike ebb and flow.
Little Zoltan is put in a crib that has sat in wait for eleven long years.
A breeze cools the room and sways the mobile. A pair of phoenixes fly.
“I love you.”