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English
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Published:
2024-04-04
Updated:
2024-04-10
Words:
1,638
Chapters:
4/?
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24
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Mahabharat Characters On Social Media

Summary:

What would the characaters of Mahabharat do on the internet? I tried to make a funny but thought out meta on it.

P. S. Suggestions are always welcome for characters I haven't written about yet.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: The Pandavas

Chapter Text

Yudhisthir

• Mostly reblogs "Am I The Asshole?" polls and somehow each with a detailed and insightfully correct answer. Most people just look for his reblog and then vote whatever answer he's deemed right. That's how he earned the nickname "Dharmaraja"

• Always explains stuff to the asks he gets and does it very politely so. You could ask him about anything and as long as he knows about it, he'll tell you about it. 

• Women respector since before 5000BC. 

• Never annoyed by hate comments on himself. Calls the fuck out of them if they disrespect his brothers. 

Bheem

• Posts photos of foods he likes.

• Always posts about what he's cooking.

• Gives gym tips to beginners.

• Probably has "never stop bulking 💪" in his bio

• Definitely makes it his own duty to teach his mutuals how to cook.

Arjun

• Crazy good archery skills. Knows it. Shows them off.

• (most people just look at his arm muscles flexing though)

• Arjun: Madhav! Look at how famous this post about my archery is getting. I don't understand though. All I did was hit a bull's eye.

• Krishna, looking at Arjun in that video being completely shirtless and slicked with sweat, brown skin glowing under the sun: *sweats*

• Doesn't understand the thirst comments. ("Madhav what does railing mean and why does this person want me to do it to them?" "Uhm, it means they want you to "train" them haha. It's a slang. Haha." "*Replies to comment* sure I'd love to rail you")

Nakul

• Sexy and he knows it.

• Thirst traps.

• Actually works very hard and always helps people, but he's such a troll that people just think he's a unemployed gymrat pretty boy until he attends some big event and people are like "YOU HAVE A JOB??????"

• Loves his fans (I just know he'll heart each and every thirst comment go argue with a wall)

• Always tagging his twin in the most random posts (most of them are jumpscares)

Sahdev

• Does not want to be here

• Always duets the videos nakul sends him and screams at the jumpscares ("I do not like this TRICKERY!" "The ball hit the camera Sahdev it wasn't gonna jump out the phone and hit you in the face" "I am BLOCKING YOU")

• The fans love his reactions. He doesn't know, he never checks the comments.

• Gives in after some time and creates a no-bullshit self help account to help people manage their life and work more efficiently

Krishna

• The definition of Hot Mess™

• On every platform he's on, which is every platform that exists, this man is Chaos. One post will be "My wife is so beautiful" and then "I miss Arjun" and then "here's three legal ways to loophole out of a lawsuit" and then a motivation post and then a video of a cute baby cow he saw on the sidewalk. 

• Pranks the fuck out of everyone and everything (his favourite victim is arjun)

• Professional roaster. Has online beef with Shakuni. Insults in the most insufferable way possible you canNOT find a way to insult back it's so annoying cuz then he's like 😇🦚

• Cute couple reels with Rukmini

Chapter 2: The Kauravas

Summary:

Note:- in my AU, the Kauravas aren't siblings from the same mother but very close knit cousins from a huge joint family.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Karna

• INTERNET REVOLUTIONIST

• He developed an app that teaches martial arts and other fighting styles basics to those who can't afford the classes.

• History nerd who regularly posts ramble about the different types of discrimination that happened in different cultures from 5000BC India to 17th century slave trade.

• Cameos regularly on Duryodhan's gym videos as his "gym bro" (ahem ahem and they were gym bros) (oh my god they were gym bros)

Duryodhan

• Fitness influencer but it's actually just him trying to beat Bheem's records.

• "that's funny, brother. I recently just posted a video of me picking up 100kgs with one hand and now you're doing that too." "Yeah it must, we must have got the same idea. Did Arjun give you your idea? Because I got mine from Karna." "*Squints eyes*"

• Gets dragged into Dushashan's podcast very often.

• After a specifically homie erotic video with karna, fans started commenting non stop "so we all know he's bi, right?" So he made a video in reply saying "nooo haha I have a girlfriend bhanumati haha karna is totally my friend" and then they comment "we didn't say anything about Karna." He never addressed those comments after that.

Dushasan

• PODCAST GUY. MYSOGYNISTIC "ALPHA MALE" PODCAST GUY.

• His role model is Andrew Tate.

• Will always ask Duryodhan to come to his podcast as a guest, doesn't take no for an answer. 

• Dushashan: so like. Women. Like they are so obviously made— like their bodies have evolved to nurture children and take care of the home. They should stay at home and keep it nice and clean for their alpha male, who is their provider and protector.

• Duryodhan, closeted bisexual and thinking of Karna's thighs: Woof— I mean true.

Vikarna

• Sweetie pie. Absolute babygirl.

• When he revealed that he was also a kaurav brother, he was mass reported over five different platforms for spreading misinformation until he proved that it's actually true.

• He's just obedient and does what his two elder brothers say and people think he's just like them because of it

• Editor for Dushala's videos. 

• He's the fan favourite Kaurav.

Dushala

• Vlogger. Huge YouTube personality. Storytimes.

• Channel is basically "my life as a younger sister of a 101 brothers"

• Her vlog series of "Keeping Up With The Kauravas" is famous all over the country.

• Posts random snippets of her brother's lives. 

• Once posted a short of Dushasan picking his nose that went viral and got a whole episode of "The Harsh Truth About Having Women In Your Family" on his podcast. 

Ashwatthama

• Cunt.

• You could say the nicest thing to him and he'd still take it the wrong way.

• Thinks he's gonna be a politician. (He isn't. He never will. Everyone hates him.)

• Occasional gym video with Duryodhana. 

• His fans know. The way he looks at Dury, the fans know.

• Keeps getting his account hacked but all the people do is rid the world of his treacherous content. 

Notes:

Hope y'all enjoyed hehe comments are appreciated 💕💕 part three in progress!!

Chapter 3: The Parents

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Dhritarashtra

• Boomer

• Does not know what social media is used for

• Only social media he uses is Facebook and WhatsApp

• Sends 👌 and 👍 in response to everything

• Old as fuck and partially blind 

• Thinks Duryodhan is gonna join the army since he's training so much (he won't, he just likes to have muscles and challenge bheem)

Gandhari

• "A day in my life as a selectively blind person"

• BLINDFOLD CHALLENGES LMFAOOOOOO

• Here's ten reasons why I've never seen my children's faces

• 1. Judging from my husband's personality and... other things, they're probably ugly

• Cutu cutu mom-daughter vlogs with dushala

Pandu

• He's dead.

• Don't ask me for anything he's just dead in this au that's all he is

• Used to cameo on madri's channel a suspiciously large amount of time

Kunti

• Whole cooking channel 

• With stories in the voiceovers

• Does livestreams teaching people to cook 

• Internet mom for many teenagers countrywide

• Randomly drops insane mom lore in the middle of cooking

• "There was this one time I had to put my newborn kid up for adoption because I was 17 at the time and now he's adopted by a neighbour and also my nephew's boyfriend so if any of you know a good therapist please recommend."

Madri

• Used to be on twitter only but she overshared too much and had to be making insanely long apology videos over it

• Does QNAs only and people watch that just cuz she's such a problematic cunt

• "Madri you said in one post that you were married but you've never mentioned your husband." "Madri you made posts about post partum depression but you never mentioned your kids."

• Replies to this with a video explaining how she was having an affair with a certain influencer's husband and got pregnant with twins but then the guy died of a heart attack so she left his SINGLE MOTHER wife with two more sons 

• The people hate her for what she's done. She loves them for the clout they give her.

Vidur

• He doesn't do social media. He does what people call "A Job".

• Only on Facebook. Only there to bunk people who spread misinformation.

Notes:

Next chapter is the characaters of Panchal and Dwarka. What do you think they'd be like?

Chapter 4: Panchal

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Draupadi

• Family girl

• Always posting photos and short videos of her family (Esp her husband Bheem, but also occasionally her brothers-in-law)

• They all adore their bhabhi, it's the cutest thing ever.

• Also some funny posts from time to time, mostly gets her ideas from Nakul.

• "Me and my twin wore the same hairstyle so no one could tell us apart" and then it's just Dhristadyumna 

Shikhandi

• Trans guy with a gorgeous girlfriend.

• Martial arts enthusiast probably.

• Gives short courses on how to fight properly. 

• Idk why but he gives me major calisthenics nerd vibes.

• Gets a lot of transphobic comments, but his girlfriend is hotter than all the transphobes so he does not give half a shit

• (SHIKHANDI SHIRTLESS THIRST TRAPS WITH THE TOP SURGERY SCARS AND THE MUSCLES AND THE— AHHHHH *DIES*)

Dhristadyumna

• Has an account on every platform his siblings are on.

• Headboy vibes.

• Don't let that fool you though, he WILL fight you if you're mean

• Respects his elder brother a lot, you can see that from his comment's under Shikhandi's posts

• Always reposts his siblings' posts on his story.

• Doesn't want too much attention, so he deletes his account sometimes but always mkes another.

Drupad

• Used to be abusive towards his daughter and trans son. Got a good dose of education (see: character development) from his daughter's best friend, Krishna. Now supports both of them.

• Comments "My Son 💪💯" under all of Shikhandi's posts tell me I'm wrong I dare you.

• Likes his daughter's husband.

• Likes his daughter's best friend more.

• "Vaasudev, ye thirst trap kya hota hai? Mujhe to Shikhandi ke comments mein kuch samajh nahi aa raha." "...Uncle ji, aap neend lelo thodi."

 

Notes:

Krishna calling drupad uncle ji is so indescribably hilarious to me you don't understand

Notes:

Hope y'all like this cutiesss feel free to request your favourite characters <333