Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cady Heron is confused. She has always been in some state of confusion ever since entering North Shore High School. However, ever since being graciously invited to sit with the Plastics on her first day (which somehow broke the social hierarchy and put her in the inner circle of Regina George), she’s been even more confused.

Gretchen and Karen have been texting her non-stop. Gretchen even made a PowerPoint informing her where to sit in each class and if she could use her phone to text her back during that class. Every other period, Gretchen texts Cady to go to the bathroom just to talk. Cady isn't really sure what they’re talking about half the time, but it’s nice to be included, she guesses.

Karen confuses Cady every second she's around her. Because Karen is actually one of the most insightful people Cady has ever met. One second, she could be saying something that the Dalai Lama would kick himself for not thinking of, and the next she’ll be asking Cady why grocery stores don’t sell pink lemons or why the actor Donald Trump looks like President Donald Trump.

Regina George is confused, and that’s not a feeling she’s used to. Ever since inviting Cady to sit with them at lunch, there’s been a change in the dynamic. Gretchen doesn’t nonsensically text her every period, and the most confusing thing of all, Karen got a B in her math class. Regina knew what everyone's average should be around, but she only really cared about Cady's; she knew that girl actually tried. And she wondered how much. It wasn’t hard to hide the shock of the new transfer student taking five AP classes. But really, who willingly takes AP BC (and enjoys it? The thought of enjoying calculus genuinely gave Regina the heebie-jeebies).

But when Karen came to their table a couple of minutes later than usual with a shocked look on her face, Regina was ready to ruin Mr. Hom's life. Usually, most teachers just gave Karen a break, both out of fear of having to have her again and out of genuine pity. Instead, Karen started running to the table and crashed into their new resident redhead, enveloping her in a hug.

“CADY! I LOVE YOU!” Regina looked over at Gretchen, hoping for some kind of answer, but Gretchen looked just as confused as Regina.

“Karen, why do you love Cady?” Gretchen asked, the question that everyone in the cafeteria wanted the answer to.

“Oh my god, Cady, you actually didn’t tell them?” Karen said, letting go of Cady and going to the opposite side of the table with Gretchen, throwing her cute tote that had an embroidered mouse on it down onto the side of the table that was always unused, the contents of her bag spilling out without a care.

“I mean, you told me not to…” Cady said nervously, feeling the hard gaze of Regina burning into her skin. She did, however, look over and see Janis mouthing “what the fuck??” to her, making her smile bemused.

“Huh, I tell loads of people that and they never do,” Karen said, genuinely confused and not realizing how Gretchen’s face fell. “Anywaysss, guys look at my report card!!” Karen started rummaging through the contents of her bag that were just bare on the table until she found a green folded piece of paper and handed it over to Gretchen.

Regina watched as Gretchen’s eyes moved along the paper until suddenly they stopped, and Gretchen dropped the paper, which Regina gladly grabbed. “Oh my god, Karen, you got a B in algebra. YOU GOT A B!” Gretchen whispered the first part like it was some secret, but couldn’t stop herself from yelling it. Karen nodded in her oh-so-wise way.

“Cady said she’d tutor me after I asked her why multiplication stopped working after 12 times 12. I know, like so much stuff now. Like, ask me something related to math.” Karen looked at Gretchen with the biggest smile she’s seen in a while.

“Uhh, what’s 12 times 13?” Gretchen said carefully, not wanting to ruin this moment for her friend. Karen looked at Cady for support or the answer? No one really knows.

“Duhhh, it’s just 12 times 7 + 12 times 3 two times. Which is…” Karen paused, putting her finger to chin and looking quizzically at the roof of the cafeteria. Regina decided that this would probably take a while.

“So, Cady when did you start tutor-” “156!” Karen interrupted, and she looked at Cady for approval, who nodded, leading to Gretchen and Karen turning towards each other and starting to squeal.

“I can’t wait to tell my mom. She thought I was gonna have to do summer school for volleyball again.”

“Karen, just because you passed algebra doesn’t mean…nevermind,” Cady said, not wanting to ruin this high for Karen and also sort of wanting this conversation to be over.

“Is this why you didn’t go to my cousin's bar mitzvah with me?” Gretchen asked.

“Yeah, totally…” Karen said absentmindedly.

The bell rang, and as Cady got ready to leave to walk to class, Regina pulled her aside. “Walk with me,” in a way that made Cady want to melt into a puddle of goo in the middle of the disgusting cafeteria. If Cady were stronger, she would have said ‘no, my next class is on the other side of the school.’ But Cady wasn’t stronger; that was her problem. Instead, she nodded, threw out her half-eaten lunch, put the tray back, and went to interlock her arm with the waiting Regina. They walked in silence for a couple of minutes, the halls empty because most kids had already made it to class, and Regina chose to walk through the quietest hall in school.

“Tutoring Karen, that must have been something,” Regina said with a little smirk.

“Yeah, I guess,” Cady sighed. This was one of the things that annoyed her most about Cady. She was so dry. With Karen and Gretchen, information was just offered. If Regina asked them how their day was, Karen would tell her about how she met and almost made out with Jason Statham (it was evidently not Jason Statham, but a random bald white guy), which Regina then had to explain was so wrong and then try to set some forms of boundaries. Gretchen would describe how the newest episode of some random show changed her life. Gretchen got Regina to watch Fleabag, and even if it made her wish she was a better person and even consider following Andrew Scott’s private Instagram, she would never admit it.

“How long did you tutor her for?” Regina asked, walking slower and slower until finally reaching a point where even a snail would outrun them.

“After Halloween is when we started,” Cady pulled away from Regina after mentioning Halloween. Regina couldn’t believe she was still on that. It had been like three weeks. Thanksgiving was literally just around the corner.

“Cool, what class do you have right now?” Regina asked, crossing her now free arms.

“English, what about you?” Cady said, not really sure what to do with her hands as she asked.Until, deciding to do one of the most awkward and adorable things that Regina had ever seen and put them in the back pocket of the jeans Regina bought her.

“You mean AP Language and Composition? Can’t believe you’re trying to hide what a diligent student you are,” Regina said.

“I wasn’t hiding anything,” Cady said nervously, but Regina walked forward, and Cady was almost scared to breathe. Regina grabbed Cady by the wrist and pulled her into the custodian's closet.

“Stupid no-life hall monitor, just wait a couple of minutes. He usually spends like ten minutes sitting here on his phone. Guess, you’re skipping,” Regina smiled as she said it and looked at Cady, who looked like she was having an actual panic attack.
“Don’t tell me you never skipped before?” Regina laughed. Cady Heron really was an angel.

“I never really had the chance to. Won’t they call my mom?” Cady said, looking down at her fidgeting hands, which were barely illuminated by the light coming from the hall.

“Aw, you’re adorable. They only call if you miss homeroom or skip before fifth. Those are the attendance periods; I can’t believe Gretchen didn’t go over this with you. I swear, it was in the PowerPoint we made,” Regina gently raised Cady’s head, her hand now gliding across the smooth skin of Cady’s face.

“I thought Gretchen made the PowerPoint,” Cady said, confused, her mind now in another world.

“I love Gretchen, but if she didn’t have someone to reign her in, she screams ‘graphic design is my passion…’” Regina laughed at her own joke and noticed the blank look of confusion on Cady’s face. “Remind me to make notes with all the pop culture references you don’t get. Oh my god, Cady, I have an idea. Give me your phone.”

“Okay…” Cady passed her new phone. Ever since Regina said she couldn’t deal with texting someone with green bubbles and Janis and Damien admitted that while the flip was cool, they kind of wanted to play Crazy 8 in French, which was actually what got her to get an iPhone. When Cady made the switch, she texted in the group chat the Plastics made, and everyone immediately “lost their shit,” as Janis said when she saw the logs. It was really funny; apparently, Gretchen already had a clear case with Cady’s name on it (which was actually just a form of speech; Gretchen did not literally have a case with Cady’s name etched onto it). Cady can’t help but smile whenever she sees the cheesy Polaroid of her and the Plastics in Regina’s closet on the back of her phone. As Cady was fondly thinking back at her memories with the Plastics, Regina suddenly shoved her phone in her face.

“Face ID is amazing, but I wish they brought back biometrics. It’s so much harder to get into my dad's Chase account now. Cady, wait here for a second,” Regina said as she opened the door outside the custodian's room and turned her head to look for anyone like she was out of a cheesy spy movie. She signaled Cady to follow her with a finger gesture that looked oddly obscene. Cady thought they were gonna take a run for it or something, but they just walked out of the school with literally no problem. That was a tad bit anticlimactic.

“Okay, we’re going to my house. And, before you argue about something, you never skipping is literally a travesty. It’s almost socially ruinous, if I’m being honest,” Regina said with a smile, and Cady really didn’t see the point in arguing. She sat in the passenger seat of Regina’s doorless car, which seemed genuinely unsafe.

“I installed a new app on your phone. Also, you have like literally no games or anything really besides WhatsApp and Insta. So, for your sake, I also installed TikTok. Because, how, Cady? Literally, how? Anyways, the app is called Letterboxd,” Regina said as she drove.

“Okay, Letterboxd. Got it. So, it’s like for movies? That’s fun; it’s like Goodreads,” Cady said.

“Okay, so confused as to how you know what Goodreads is but didn’t know who Ariana Grande or Wendy Williams were,” Regina heard the familiar sound of the GPS lady telling her to take a turn to the right. She didn't really need the GPS lady to tell her where to go; it was just comforting.

They drove in silence until they reached Regina’s house. Cady didn't feel like talking. Actually, that was a lie. There were so many things she had wanted to say, but she feared actually saying them. Like, what if Regina took it the wrong way? Cady had stopped thinking about how her actions made her feel and more about how they would make Regina feel. It was an odd thing to admit.

“Okay, we’re here. And, no more awkward silence, Cady. Come on, loser,” Regina turned off the engine of her car and jumped out, grabbing her ‘school bag,’ which only had an iPad and her Regina’s dad's credit card. Cady followed with her JanSport bookbag, which she only put one strap on her shoulder; wearing both straps made her look like a nerd. The bookbag was actually a heavy point of contention; it was something the Plastics had to accept about her, even if there was a comment made practically every day about how it was a ‘travesty.’

“Mom! I’m home, so don’t come to my room or make too much noise,” Regina screamed to her mother, who Cady had only ever seen a couple of times and yet felt extremely bad for.

Cady followed Regina to her room and watched Regina push open the doors and walk over and slump onto her bed like any other teenage girl. It was weird, the tonal dissonance; one second Regina could be on the top of the world, and then she would do something painfully relatable. And then you would look around you and realize, no, Cady, this is not painfully relatable; Regina literally just slumped onto a Californian king-size bed in a room that has more square footage than where you used to live.

“Cady, want to watch a movie? Or something? Actually, wait let me put this in my story. Come here and smile,” Regina sounded so sweet as she asked, but Cady wasn’t really sure if she had any agency in what they were going to do.

“Is this good?” Cady leaned against the bedframe with a smile that might have made some people ask Cady to blink if she’s being held hostage. Regina couldn’t help but laugh at it.

"Cady, you can calm down. Why are you so nervous? I’m not going to kill you," Regina joked. Cady didn’t know whether to feel sad or confused at how comforting hearing that was. "I mean, it would be too obvious. I could never get away with it. I don’t even know how to forge your signature yet," Regina added, looking Cady in the eye. She couldn't help but laugh at Cady's expression(she was the most doe-eyed person Regina had ever met)

"I know what we’re watching now. Cady, you have to learn to keep up. The clueless act won't be cute forever," Regina said with a wink.

Cady was going to have a heart attack.

Chapter Text

Watching a movie you absolutely love with someone is always weird. Especially when you can quote every line and have seen this movie more times than the person who directed it. Regina and Gretchen prided themselves on their knowledge of pop culture and what's in it. It was their life blood.

She remembers when she first watched Heathers. How her mom came in to check up on them during a 5th-grade sleepover and saw that she and her friends were watching Heathers. Instead of commenting on its inappropriateness or how they really shouldn't be watching a movie with a sex scene in it. Her mom plopped herself onto Regina's California King. And, decided to regale them on her High School days. And how her father used to have an uncanny resemblance to Christian Slater. Safe to say, that officially made her and the fellow girls there not get obsessed with JD. Her mom is not allowed inside Regina's room for more than 5 minutes when company is around.

But Regina still loved this movie. And watching Cady Heron watch it made her love it even more. Cady had such an expressive face; sometimes Regina would just watch her eyebrows as she talked—they spoke their own language. The way Cady's nose scrunched up in disgust when they bullied Martha, the way she shrieked a little when JD pulled out a gun, and the way Cady grabbed the remote and paused the movie to ask questions filled Regina with a feeling that she didn't quite know how to describe. If anyone else did that, Regina might start to hate them a little, but when Cady did it, it was endearing.

Each expression, each reaction that Cady had to the movie, drew Regina in further. It wasn't just about the movie anymore—at least not to her. It was about the shared experience of showing someone something that had been or may still be a crucial part of her identity. Regina wanted to know more about Cady's thoughts and feelings, to understand the complexities behind those fleeting emotions. It felt like they were inventing something unique together.

Or maybe they were just watching a movie, and Regina was just going insane.

"Why’d you pause it?" Regina asked, laughing lightly and with confusion.

Cady pushed herself up slightly, grabbing Regina’s hand and looking at her seriously. "Regina, if you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the Earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do?"

Regina smiled and tilted her head, playing along, putting a finger on her chin as if she was really thinking about the answer. Even though she already knew hers by heart. She remembers her, Gretchen, Karen, and Janis spent so much time on the perfect answer to that question. It constantly changed, but they always devised a plan in which the four of them would do something together. Janis said she would want them to go to the Louvre and not see the Mona Lisa because it's overrated. But, to see the Marie de' Medici Cycle or Caravaggio's paintings. She remembers how Janis mispronounced Louvre cause she had only ever read about it and how Regina somehow couldn't find it in herself to correct her. She remembers Karen talking about finding someone in Paris who would paint her like one of their French girls. She remembers Gretchen talking about the different kinds of French cuisine she would want to try.

They sat in a comfortable silence as Regina looked down at her crossed legs and pink blanket, contemplating whether to tell Cady her real answer. Eventually, she decided against it and looked up again, gently tugging Cady’s hand. “Hmm, I really can’t think of my answer right now. What about you? What would you do, Cady?”

Cady’s eyes widened in surprise at the redirection, not ready yet for her answer. A thoughtful expression appeared on her face, the same one she would make when someone asked her a math-related question. “I think, I’d spend it with people I care about. Maybe go to museums or hikes..or like the zoo, I always wondered what an actual zoo is like. But then again, I just feel like they’re incredibly inhumane. These animals are taken from their natural habitats and forced into these small enclosures where they can’t roam freely or live as they were meant to. Like, I’ve never been to one. But, the idea of being taken away from your home and put into these enclosures just to be gawked at by the public is insane” Cady paused her impassioned rant and let go of Regina’s hands. “Sorry, I feel like I went off-topic. I do that a lot when talking about something I care about.”

Regina paused before adopting a serious tone. “I have my answer now.”

“Really, what is it?” Cady looked up at her with doe eyes

“I would break into a zoo and free the animals. Are you with me or what?” Regina couldn’t help but break into a laugh, her voice echoing with mischief, as she was saying it. Cady, her eyes sparkling with a mix of surprise and amusement, looked at her oddly for a second before breaking into her own laughter.

After a while, Cady stopped laughing and just smiled. "I know you're joking, but honestly, that would be amazing,"

Regina smirked, "Maybe we can make it our backup plan. If the world's really ending, I mean."

Cady's smile softened, "Yeah, a backup plan. Hey, Regina, can I use your bathroom?"

"Why would I mind? It's literally right there." Regina said, pointing at the room that made her parents give her the master bedroom slightly harder. Cady nodded and headed towards the bathroom, leaving Regina alone with her thoughts. As the sound of the door being opened and closed lock rang across the room, Regina found herself smiling. She had expected this to be slightly more awkward, in all honesty, but she was glad it wasn't. Talking with Cady was easy, and it was honestly surprisingly easy to get her to skip. When the opportunity to skip class comes, it's not hard to get it. It's not that Regina didn't take the class seriously; okay, that was a joke. Regina did not take Northshore High seriously; it's not like they took themselves seriously. Their mascot used to be a hornet, and their song was… let's not talk about the song or the dances the poor guy inside the costume had to do. School was easy and so boring. As soon as fourth period started, Regina knew she was leaving after lunch.

Regina felt an urge that she hadn't noticed when Cady was around to look at her phone. Aaron had texted her asking if she wanted to go out after practice. Regina simply swiped the message away, not really caring. It was out of her mind once it was out of her notifications. Gretchen had texted her 21 times; surprisingly, some of the messages didn't have spelling mistakes, which was unusual for her.

Something about Gretchen's desperation made Regina feel both amazing and like a terrible person. Sometimes, Regina wonders why her phone is always on silent, and moments like these make her understand why. She is going to take the news of Cady Heron hanging out with her arch-enemy as calmly as possible. She is not going to try to kill Cady. She is not going to kill Janis. She is better than all this dumb middle school drama… She is. Maybe she's not, but that's not the point. She'll just ask Cady her thoughts about Janis Ian. It's not that big of a thing. Maybe Janis has a desperate crush, or maybe they have a French project together. Wait, what if they're like dating? Janis would totally do that to Regina to get back at her. Janis was literally obsessed with her. But, there's no way Cady would fall for the entire brainy butch tortured artist thing Janis has going for her. Wait, there's no way because Cady is still mad about the Aaron thing. Cady is literally straight. Okay, maybe Regina is going crazy. Regina absentmindedly started fidgeting with her initials necklace, her mind spiralling between jealousy, curiosity, and a twinge of insecurity she didn't quite want to admit. The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing snapped her out of her of whatever just came over her, and she looked up to find Cady re-entering the room.

"What are your thoughts on." Regina paused and quickly tried to rack her brain of possible responses Cady could give.
1. Cady denies even knowing Janis. The lie would hurt more than whatever's going on.
2. Cady casually mentions they're friends like it's no big deal and thinks Regina is insane for questioning it.
3. Cady says she and Janis are friends and asks if it's a problem. Regina quickly says it's not, and then Janis and Cady start dating.
4. Cady mentions Janis is just her French project partner, and Cady asks why she's asking Regina to confess to being a terrible friend.
5. Cady is actually dating Damian. Regina has to explain what being a "beard" means, and then Cady starts crying.
6. Cady says she dating Janis.
7. Cady gets angry and reveals she's a spy for Janis, and they're actually on a secret mission to ruin Regina's life.
8. Cady and Janis are long-lost relatives, and that's the reason Cady moved to the U.S.A.
9. Cady doesn't even like her. And, they're using her to get closer to Karen and Gretchen?
10. Cady is just using Regina for popularity (okay, honestly, props to her if it is this)
11. Is Cady actually an alien studying human behavior? That would explain a lot of things.
12. Cady is actually secretly in love with her and asking the most obvious lesbian in the school for romance advice.

Regina took a deep breath, realizing she was spiraling into insanity. She knew she needed to-.

"Um, what are my thoughts on what?" Cady asked. Okay, um, Regina just realized that Cady was looking at her like she was insane because she'd been having an internal dialogue that probably lasted an entire minute.

"Ahh, what are your thoughts on snacks..like, do you want popcorn or something?" Regina wanted to actually die. What the hell? Why is that what she came up with? Why didn't she just ask? Why did God put us here just to suffer?

Cady looked at her oddly before slowly responding like she was in a minefield. "Uh, yeah, I like popcorn." She said with the same awkwardness as when Regina posed the question.

"Cool, cool, I'll go get some. You can stay here." Regina unintentionally did finger guns as she said that. It's official—Regina George is going to die. She jumped off the bed, wanting to escape the immediate presence of Cady Heron and feeling the urge to crawl out of her own skin. Regina walked out of the room as fast as possible without making it too obvious she was running away, though it was still pretty obvious. Leaving an incredibly confused Cady Heron.