Chapter Text
Chapter 01: Jake
<Come inside, please—all of you. And quickly.>
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tobias start forward, saw him jerk to a stop as Marco’s hand seized his shoulder. I heard Cassie’s soft, terrified gasp, somehow seeming every bit as loud as Rachel’s wild, unbalanced laughter. I felt the crawling tingle of adrenaline flooding my veins, and the tight, breaking-point tension of muscles that didn’t know whether to freeze or flee. The alien ship filled my vision as the voice filled my thoughts, both of them impossible to believe, impossible to ignore.
There was a shout, a muffled thud, a whoosh of air, and I tore my eyes away to see Marco doubling over as Tobias stepped back, his fists clenched. Without a word, he whirled, running toward the ship, toward the ramp and the open hatch above.
<No.>
Tobias froze in mid-step as if the word had been a magic spell, balanced on the toes of one foot, his clothes and hair like carved marble. Behind him, Marco straightened on puppet strings, still coughing and wheezing as some invisible force drew him upright and held him there. I fought back a wave of nausea as Rachel’s laughter lifted another octave, as Cassie’s frightened whimpers cracked and gave way to open sobbing.
Move! I shouted at myself. Run! Scream! Do SOMETHING.
But what?
It was a spaceship.
A spaceship, in the middle of the construction site, where seconds earlier there had been nothing but dusty foundations casting shadows in the moonlight.
What was there to do?
<There will be peace between you,> the impossible voice said again, and I realized with a blood-freezing chill that it was my voice—not some unfamiliar mental interruption, but my own inner voice, the words sounding exactly the same inside my head as they would have if I’d thought them myself.
Whatever was talking to us, it was hijacking our own brains to do it.
<There must be peace between you,> it continued. <You must come together, all of you, or those you leave behind will be lost forever, and you soon after.>
I looked at Tobias, whose eyes were wide and frightened, his nostrils flaring as he struggled within his unseen restraints. I looked at Marco, whose face was a mirror of my own, his jaw clenched with fear and doubt and indecision. I looked at Rachel, who had choked on her laughter and now stood silent and horrified, a hand over her mouth. I looked at Cassie, at the tears that were streaming down her cheeks and disappearing into the dust at her feet.
I looked at them, and they looked at me.
I’m not psychic, you know. I’m not one of those guys who believes in past lives or déjà vu, or who writes down his dreams and thinks he knows what they mean. Up to that point, I’d never even really thought about the future, much less tried to predict it. And even now, if you ask me, I’ll tell you that I don’t really believe in fate, in destiny.
But I swear, in that moment, when the four of them looked to me, I got some kind of a glimpse of what was coming. I think that’s what snapped me out of it, what finally got me moving. Because not moving, not reacting, standing there and letting things just happen—that’s a choice too, you know?
I stepped forward, half-expecting to meet resistance, overwhelmed with relief when I found none. “Why?” I asked, staring up at the ship. I didn’t shout. Somehow, I knew it wasn’t necessary.
<An enemy approaches,> said the voice in my head. <I have delayed it, for now. There are two-to-the-forty-ninth decoys scattered across this hemisphere, and its methods of falsifying them are slow. But our conversation must begin, for we are close to the obvious target, and luck may favor evil as easily as good.>
I couldn’t help it. I shivered. Something about hearing the word evil echoing through your mind, put there by someone else, a thought transplanted against your will. I looked over at Marco again, saw him staring back at me, saw him shake his head slowly in the darkness. I knew what he was thinking. You don’t ever get in the car with the kidnapper, man. No matter how bad it is, it’s only going to get worse once you give them home field advantage.
<I am no kidnapper, Jake Berenson.>
My head snapped back toward the ship so fast that my neck cracked. A low, hopeless groan crawled its way out of Rachel’s throat, and I felt sudden warmth in my hand as Cassie stepped forward and laced our fingers together.
“Then why do we have to come inside?” I asked. “Why don’t you come out here?”
<Because I am dying.>
* * *
“The closest word would be morphing, I think. Shapeshifting would seem to be too broad, since you can’t take the form of anything that is itself incapable of moving or sensing its environment, nor anything that lacks some kind of a genetic map.”
He stood with his back to us, using words that I might have understood if they’d come half as quickly, or if my brain weren’t already stunned and punch-drunk. He was moving as he spoke, his hands darting back and forth across a control panel the size of a dinner table, his eyes tracking dozens of strange symbols as they cast their soft blue light onto his skin.
His human skin.
“It is done with nanotechnology, in response to focused thought, in a process too complicated to explain. Imagine your body being disassembled and stored in an alternate dimension, while a new body is built from scratch in its place, controlled via a mental link. This is a lie, but a useful one—the new body will respond as if it is your own, will feel as if it is your own.”
He didn’t look like he was dying, didn’t sound like he was dying. But—he’d said—appearances could be deceiving.
“You will witness arms becoming wings, eyes becoming antennae, skin becoming scales. For a time, you will be the other organism. Your true body remains unchanged—sent elsewhere, its processes suspended.”
I shook my head, struggling to understand, fighting to make the pieces click and painfully aware that think harder wasn’t exactly a strategy.
“You expand the library of available morphs through manual acquisition. Simply touch the organism you wish to become, focusing your thoughts in a particular way, and the system will begin its analysis. The first analysis will take hours, but given the shared ancestry of life on this planet, subsequent acquisitions will be usable within minutes or seconds.”
We were huddled together on what seemed to be the bridge of the spaceship—a vast, cavernous space filled with panels and instruments, shining in a blue glow that cast no shadows, as if it were emerging from the walls themselves. There were kiosks and consoles arranged in a wide arc around the central viewscreen where the alien now stood. Half of the consoles were burnt, blackened and misshapen, wrenched away from the large, ragged hole that had removed most of the far wall. If it weren’t for the curled, springy grass carpeting the floor, the whole thing could have been a set from the next Star Trek movie.
I still held Cassie’s hand in mine, the two of us gripping tighter and tighter as sweat made our palms and fingers slick. At some point, my other hand had found Marco’s, just as Cassie had reached out to Rachel. It was embarrassing, childish, but no one had said anything. We were all too frightened to care. Even Tobias had grabbed hold at first, taking Rachel’s other hand as the pair of them led us up the ramp. But he’d let go once we reached the bridge and was now standing slightly apart, his eyes locked on the alien as his hands slid back and forth across the consoles, stroking them the way you might pet a sleeping cat.
Vivid.
It wasn’t exactly a thought. Just a word, floating up from English vocab. It attached itself to Tobias like a bookmark—a feeling, a question, a vague sense that there was something there I’d want to come back to, later. I was afraid. Cassie was afraid. Even Marco and Rachel were afraid. But Tobias … Tobias was something else. Deep below the surface, some part of my brain logged it, flagged it, grouped it together with three or four other things and started looking for the pattern.
There had been another moment—outside, when the invisible bonds holding Tobias and Marco had loosened, leaving both boys standing on their own two feet.
“We have to go inside,” Tobias had said, turning to face the rest of us, a painful urgency threatening to crack his voice.
“Like hell,” Marco had shot back. “I can think of a hundred reasons not to, and half of them don’t even involve probes.”
Beside me, Rachel had stirred, shaking her head as if trying to clear her thoughts. “This—is real?” she’d asked quietly, speaking to no one in particular. “This is really happening?”
No one had answered her. “It’s a spaceship, Marco,” Tobias had pleaded. “This is the most important thing that’s ever happened.”
“So take a picture with your phone, send it to the cops, and let’s get out of here.”
“It’s dying. What if it needs our help?”
“It says it’s dying. And even if it is, that’s not our problem. You can go right inside and catch space AIDS, but I’ve got no interest in getting abducted.”
He’d turned to go. Again, I’d felt my thoughts skidding, my mouth hanging open as I struggled to find the right words to say—
“Marco, wait!” Cassie had shouted.
We’d all turned to look at her, Marco included. Cassie, the whisperer, the quiet one. Cassie who never shouted, ever. I’d squeezed her hand, trying to offer support, or reassurance, or something, I wasn’t entirely sure what and probably neither was she. She’d gulped, her jaw trembling, and continued. “It’s just that—it said—it said all of us, right? We all have to go together, or—or else—”
<Or else all of you will die.>
I’d cleared my throat. “Why should we believe you?”
<What would you say, Jake Berenson, if I told you I had seen your future?>
“Bullshit,” Marco had said, without hesitation.
There’d been an amused rumble, the memory of a giant’s laughter. <If I wished you harm, Marco Levy, do you think that you would still breathe? Do you think I need lies to strike you down? I do not even need weapons—if I but hold you for an hour, my enemy will do the rest. What I am offering is help—help you desperately need, help that I cannot give unless you come inside. Make your choice—trust and live, or doubt and die.>
After that, there hadn’t been much more to say. Just another one of those moments, when all four of them had looked at me, as if they somehow needed me to give the order. And so we’d climbed the ramp, and stepped through the door, which had thankfully stayed open behind us. And there, in the graceful, organic hallways, holding hands like kindergarteners, we’d seen the wounds that had been hidden in the darkness of the construction site—the shattered bulkheads, melted consoles, scorched turf.
It was clear that there had been a battle.
It was clear that the alien had lost.
On the bridge, he entered a final sequence of commands, studied the viewscreen for a long moment, and nodded tightly, an uncannily human gesture.
Marco noticed, too. “You’ve been on Earth before.”
The alien—the man—turned to face us, and nodded again. “Yes. I spent several years in human form, in fact. It is—not unpleasant, to wear this body once more before the end.”
I glanced around the bridge, at the alien grass, the domed ceiling, the consoles just a little too tall for comfortable human use. “What do you look like normally?” I asked.
“You will see soon enough, Jake Berenson. But we have sadder matters to discuss, and only minutes to discuss them, for all my skill and subterfuge. Before we proceed, there is one question you must answer, as honestly as possible.” He paused, and I felt the hands gripping mine tighten further, Marco’s no less than Cassie’s. “Human children, what deeds would you do—what burdens would you shoulder—how far would you go, if the fate of your species hung in the balance?”
* * *
A part of my brain that I hadn’t ever noticed before had awakened, was working overtime, pouring new information into the stream of my thoughts as quickly as it could generate it. I saw my friends’ faces, heard their voices, felt a kind of strange certainty as predictions began making themselves without any help from me.
Rachel: Whatever it takes. Just say the word, and I’m there.
Cassie: Just our species? Just humans? What about everything else?
Marco: Why are you asking us? We’re kids, in case you hadn’t noticed.
Tobias: In the balance of what?
Jake:
I frowned. That wasn’t how brains were supposed to work—was it? Why couldn’t I predict what I would say?
“I think you’ve got the wrong guys, Mr. Alien,” Marco quipped. “We’re barely even teenagers; we probably couldn’t get two miles on foot before curfew.”
The alien said nothing, only shifted his gaze, waiting.
“Are you asking us to leave Earth?” Cassie said, her voice shaking. “Is there—is something going to happen, and you can only save a few people? Only humans?”
Another pause, another shift.
“If there’s a fight, I’m in,” Rachel said, her voice suddenly strong and confident.
Shift.
“What is it?” Tobias asked. “What deeds, what burdens, what fate?”
Shift.
I felt a chill run down my spine, felt cold sweat break out on my forehead. Those eyes—there was something about them, something deep and dark and inscrutable, hiding just beneath the surface. Even if we’d met on the street, I’d have known they weren’t merely human.
I took a deep breath. “You said we have only minutes?” I asked.
“Perhaps as many as forty. Perhaps as few as twenty.”
I turned to look at my friends, searching their faces for understanding, for permission, for forgiveness. Tobias’s expression was a wild mix of hope and despair, Rachel’s a grim mask of determination, Cassie’s a tear-stained portrait of uncertainty.
What did mine look like?
I locked eyes with Marco, who bit his lip and glanced significantly at the ragged hole, at the bright points of starlight just barely visible through the gleam of headlights on the highway. I could see the wheels in his head turning, could imagine his thoughts with an unnerving degree of confidence.
Tick tock, Marco was thinking. Tick tock.
I turned back to the alien. “It’s not a fair question,” I said. “But it’s too late to say no, isn’t it?”
* * *
He explained it all with cold, surgical precision.
I had thought we were terrified before.
I needed a new scale.
“The operation is currently limited by the inaccessibility of this system through ordinary means of space travel. There is a single pool ship in orbit, supporting a single nexus on the ground. The invasion force has finite resources, and is largely dependent on co-opted Earth technology, which is far inferior to that of the main Yeerk fleet currently blockaded several thousand light-years from here.”
Bodysnatchers.
“Even so, we estimate that there are roughly twenty thousand host-ready Yeerks in the subterranean pool at the center of your city, and material to support an infestation ten times that size. The pool is where the Yeerks live in their natural state, and where they must return every three days, to absorb kandrona, an essential nutrient.”
Slugs. Blind, deaf, defenseless. Just ugly little slugs that crawled in your ear and seized control of your brain. Talking with your voice. Living with your body. Raking through your memories so that they could impersonate you with absolute precision.
An endless, living nightmare.
“In all likelihood, the number of actual Controllers is currently well under a thousand, but even slow exponential growth will eventually reach a turning point. You have until that point, or until outside reinforcements from the Yeerk fleet arrive.”
“How long?” Marco asked.
“There is no way to be certain. At a minimum, six months. At a maximum, thirty.”
“And your people? The—Andalites? What about outside reinforcements from them?”
The alien shook his head. “The threat is not recognized. My people know little and less of war; they are learning, but without urgency. They see the Yeerks as an irritant, a distraction, a minor problem. By the time seven billion human Controllers begin pouring off the surface of the planet, the war will already be lost.”
“But you came,” Tobias interjected.
“Yes,” the alien said. “But not to save you. If the Andalites do come, it will be to complete the mission that I failed.”
I felt my stomach twist, felt that same odd certainty, this time wrapped in a layer of the coldest, blackest ice. “You came to kill us,” I said. There was a soft rustle as the others straightened, pressure on my shoulders as the space between us closed. “You came to kill us all.”
“Yes,” he answered. He looked at each of us in turn, his eyes like flint, hard and unapologetic. “You are their food, their weapons, their war machine. Seven billion minds chained to their yoke, seven billion bodies to do their bidding. You are the wave they will ride as they sweep the galaxy clean of all who oppose them. I came to deny them their prize, armed with a weapon that should have burned your world to a cinder.”
I swallowed. Rachel’s eyes blazed with anger while Cassie’s shone with tears. Marco’s face was blank, and Tobias’s fingers were gripping the console so hard that his knuckles had gone white. “But it didn’t work,” I said, uncertain whether to feel horrified or relieved.
“No. It did not work. Now, it is up to you.”
* * *
I let out an involuntary gasp at the second stab of pain, somehow much worse than the first. Reaching a hand up to my ear, I felt wetness, drew my fingers away to see blood.
“This device will blend with your body’s hardware sufficiently well to be preserved during the morphing process. It will fatally terminate any Yeerk that attempts to infest you. Note that while this is a tremendous safeguard for the resistance as a whole, it will do little to protect you if you are captured. Yeerks are notoriously—disinterested—in unusable bodies.”
He gave the same treatment to Rachel, Tobias, Cassie, and Marco in turn, then walked back to the cabinet from which he’d drawn the syringe and began keying in a code on a smaller, locked compartment. “The device was developed just prior to our second greatest failure,” he said. “During the battle on the Yeerk homeworld, a single Andalite was made Controller, and the resulting betrayal of our species’ secrets led to the destruction of the thirteenth fleet. Alloran’s Fall, on the tail of Seerow’s Kindness.” Opening the compartment, he reached inside and withdrew a small, blue cube, smiling grimly. “We Andalites have abandoned most of our superstitions, but one of the few that persists concerns the special nature of the number three. Much discussion has been had over when our third failure will come, and what its consequences will be. I can only hope that history will not label it Elfangor’s Trust.”
“Is that your name?” Tobias asked.
“Yes,” Elfangor said simply. Raising his hand, he held the cube up where we could see it. It was roughly eight inches on each side, inscribed with shapes and figures like the ones we’d seen on the ship’s controls, and it glowed with the same blue light that seemed to be the Andalite’s favorite shade. “This is the Iscafil device,” he said. “It is the sole method of conferring the morphing power upon a sapient, living being. I will use it upon each of you in turn, and then teach you how to use it yourselves, and then key it such that any one of you may trigger its self-destruct sequence remotely, via telepathic link. You will keep it safe, and if you cannot keep it safe, you will destroy it.”
“Wait,” I said, holding up a hand. “Why don’t you keep it safe, and come with us? I mean, I know you said you were dying, but—isn’t your real body in, like, stasis? Why can’t you—I mean, why don’t you—”
I faltered, and Elfangor looked down at me with a sad, sympathetic sort of smile. “There is a limitation on the morphing power,” he explained. “The technology draws its energy from the background radiation of the universe, which is not present outside of normal space. The countdown begins the moment your body is extruded, and if you have not demorphed by the time the clock runs out, the change becomes permanent.”
“So you can get stuck as, like, a bird, or whatever?” Tobias asked.
“Worse. The construct body will persist, as it is real and does not require power to maintain. But the pocket dimension will collapse, taking with it your true body and all of the computational hardware upon which your mind and memories are stored. You will simply cease to exist, leaving only the construct in your wake.”
He began to poke at the cube, pressing certain symbols in sequence, peering closely at others. As we watched, the blue glow intensified and began to pulse, cycling through a series of patterns. “For an adult Andalite body, the charge typically lasts around one human hour. Your bodies are smaller, and in some ways less complex; I predict you may be able to stretch the time to two, or perhaps even longer. The cube will tell each of you as it transfers the morphing power; you must check the number again regularly, particularly after any significant growth spurt.”
“So in a few minutes, you’re going to morph back into your own body and just die?” Tobias demanded, an edge of anger creeping into his tone. “Why? Why can’t you just remorph? Or call for help? Or use some kind of medkit?”
Elfangor smiled again, this time casting his compassionate gaze around at each of us in turn. “Do not forget that the Visser approaches. He must not know that you were here, or you will never escape with your lives. I will remain behind as a goad and a distraction, to draw his eye from your trail. Perhaps, if I am lucky, I will even purchase a small victory with my death. It is not the worst fate that could befall an Andalite who would call himself a warrior.”
He turned to me. “Press your hand against the cube, Jake Berenson, and we shall see what fate thinks of a human child’s resolve.”
* * *
“Isn’t there anything else you can give us?” Rachel asked. “Shields? Sensors? Ray guns?”
Elfangor shook his head. “These technologies are all alien to Earth, and thus easily detected and tracked. The cube is risk enough—like an infant given explosives, you would accomplish little, and draw much attention.” He hesitated, then continued. “Also—and please do not take offense—you are strangers to me, and untested. I have some reasons for confidence, but who truly knows what you would do with Andalite military technology, or what those who wrest it from you would find themselves capable of? Better by far to see you fall as humans than to see you rise a threat in your own right; the galaxy does not need two such scourges. That I give you even this small scrap of power is a sign of how desperate the struggle has become.”
Marco’s face twisted in the way it did whenever he caught a teacher trying to feed the class bullshit. “So you’re not willing to see us lose, but you don’t really want us to win, either. What happens if we do take down the Yeerks for you? You’ll be all grateful, and shower us with presents?”
Judging by Elfangor’s expression, he understood the sarcasm every bit as clearly as a human would have. “Your suspicions are not unfounded,” he said, his tone dark. “There is much knowledge among my people, but yet little wisdom. I fear they may learn the wrong lesson from our failure with the Yeerks, and in victory become the opposite of everything Seerow in his kindness intended. Could I arm you against betrayal without committing it myself, I would. But in the end, if humans clash with Andalites….”
Looking back at Marco, he shrugged. “There is reason to hope, however. There are forces larger than any of us at work, and evidence that we have been maneuvered into place by those you might call God. I do not know the future, but I have seen its broader strokes, and can rank possibility far more finely than you would credit. This meeting was not by chance, and if there are few paths to victory, at least be assured that you walk upon the widest.”
“Wait,” Marco said, his eyes wide with disbelief. “What?”
* * *
<Now place your hands upon my flank, and quickly!>
We clustered around him, kicking aside the shreds of his clothes, Tobias and Cassie crying openly, Rachel with fury still etched across her face, Marco with the distant look of desperate calculation. I tried once more to look inside myself, to put a word to the feeling that filled my chest and locked my throat, but there was nothing. It was as if something inside me was coiled and waiting, conserving its strength, leaving me cold and numb.
<Focus your minds upon my form, my essence. Hold the image of me in your thoughts for ten seconds, and listen—you will know when the acquisition is complete.>
I did as Elfangor instructed, looking down at his blue-furred scorpion body, the muscular, segmented tail, the mouthless face with its four eyes, two pointing down, two pointing up. I tried not to look at the gaping hole in his side, at the thick, dark blood that was slowly pooling in the alien turf.
<This body will be one of your primary weapons,> he said, his exhaustion and pain somehow audible in the voice that echoed through our thoughts. <Use it to hide your identity from the Yeerks—make them think that they suffer at the hands of a guerilla force of Andalite shock troops. It is strong and fast, more than a match for Taxxons and able to defeat all but the most skilled Hork-Bajir.>
I looked over at Marco just as his eyes narrowed. Tax-what? Hork-ba-what?
<And now, you must go. Down the ramp, and run, as quickly as you can. The presence of my ship has scrambled their sensors, but you must be out of range when the Yeerks land. They know that I cannot be taken. They will bring only death.>
It was an inadequate conclusion in every possible way. There were a thousand things left to be said, a thousand questions unasked and unanswered. For a dangling, eternal moment, the five of us stood, each looking down at the dying alien, unwilling to be the first to turn away.
Then a flicker of movement caught my eye, and looking out through the ragged hole in the ship’s side, I saw three sparks of light sliding across the starfield. There was nothing to mark them as special or dangerous; from this distance, they could have been nothing more than planes coming in for a landing at the airport south of the city.
But I knew.
In my very bones, I knew.
“Move!” I shouted, and they did.
* * *
I wish I could forget the rest of that hour. Forget the horror we witnessed, watching from a distance, as the broken Andalite ship fired on the hovering Yeerk vessels, and was fired upon in turn. As the Visser’s ship landed and an Andalite emerged. As a monster erupted out of it and Elfangor died a pointless, hollow death. As a pair of police cars arrived, and the four men inside were dragged to the ground and infested by a group of Controllers led by what looked like our own vice-principal, Mr. Chapman. As those same four men stood and laughed as the Andalite ship burned.
It was my first battle. Not against the Yeerks, but against human nature, against the flaws and failings of my friends, my allies, my fellow warriors. Against Rachel’s rage, as she threatened to storm out from our hiding space and march herself to slaughter. Against Cassie’s terror, as it shook her to the core and spread like sickness to the others. Against the black desperation that filled Tobias, as if he’d lost his father, his brother, his only reason to live. Against the callous cold that Marco drew about himself like a cloak, as if he could hide from fear and pain by pretending they didn’t matter. I fought to hold them together, to keep them from breaking. I begged, I bargained, I commanded and cajoled—and to my surprise, they listened, and we lived.
It was my first battle, but it wouldn’t be my last. And as we crawled away through the dirt and the darkness, hoping with every step to wake up from the nightmare, I wondered again what I would see, if I knew myself as well as I knew my friends. Four of them, each with flaws that could easily prove fatal.
Who would watch for mine?
Chapter 2: Marco
Summary:
In the immediate aftermath of the events of the construction site, Marco attempts to encourage something approximating sanity among the rest of the group.
Chapter Text
Chapter 02: Marco
I try not to be stupid.
Yeah, yeah, I know—who doesn’t, right? I mean, nobody gets up in the morning and sets out to be a moron.
But there’s a pretty big difference between not-trying-to-do-it-wrong and actually-trying-to-do-it-right. It’s a lot like the difference between telling yourself you’re going to get started on that history paper, and actually pulling the books out of your bag. It’s just one extra step, just a little extra work, but it’s one step further than most people are willing to go.
Even people like Jake, who are mostly on top of things. Jake was doing his best, and his best was turning out to be pretty damn good, not that I was surprised. I’d known him since kindergarten, and watching him wrangle Cassie, Tobias, and Rachel was like connecting dots. That fearless leader thing had always been hiding in there somewhere; it had just never had a good reason to come out.
But instinct and charisma can only get you so far. At some point, no matter how good you are, you’re going to have to stop and think.
I was usually good at thinking. Not just at doing it, but at remembering to do it, at doing it right. Dotting all the I’s, crossing all the T’s.
Which made it all the more embarrassing that I hadn’t noticed the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS DANGER until it had already passed. Luck—we had survived thanks to sheer, dumb luck, and if we hadn’t, I would have died knowing it was my fault.
It was 9:03PM. The construction site was quiet and still, the three Yeerk spacecraft having launched silently skyward a few minutes before. The ground in front of us was empty and barren, with nothing to show that Elfangor’s ship had ever been there. There weren’t even any scorch marks—somehow, the Yeerk weapons had vaporized it with basically zero wasted heat or energy.
Jake had deputized Cassie, who was making soothing, rational noises at Rachel while he did the same for Tobias. I wasn’t paying much attention, because I was too busy mentally kicking myself.
The Yeerk sensors had been jammed by the presence of Elfangor’s ship.
Elfangor’s ship was no longer present.
Which meant that the Yeerks had probably been entirely capable of detecting five stupid kids huddling in the middle of an otherwise empty construction site.
We should have kept running, all the way home. Or better yet, all the way back to the mall, where we could have dropped a few more quarters at the arcade to establish an alibi and then called my dad for a ride.
But no. Instead, we’d stayed to watch.
I felt a sharp pain in my palms and looked down to see that my fists were clenched, my fingers curled so tight that the nails were threatening to break the skin. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to relax, to think.
Common sense said that the Yeerks should have seen us before lifting off. It said that they should have torched the low foundation we were cowering behind—or better yet, grabbed us with a tractor beam and dragged us out to be infested like those poor cops.
But they hadn’t done that. So either the Yeerks were stupid, or they’d left us alive on purpose, or they just hadn’t noticed us, or their sensors didn’t penetrate concrete, or they didn’t care if anybody saw them because they already controlled the internet, or scanning the site wasn’t standard procedure and the Visser was an incompetent tyrant whose minions were too scared to take any initiative—
I squeezed my eyes shut. Sometimes my brain does this thing where it refuses to admit that it’s finished scraping the bottom of the barrel and is now digging up splinters.
Step one: figure out steps two, three, and four.
We needed to get out of the construction site. We needed to test this whole morphing thing. We needed to talk about the alien invasion going on in the center of our town. We needed to figure out where the center of our town was. We needed to get home. We needed to talk about whether that had actually been vice-principal Chapman, and whether anybody had recognized anybody else. We needed to acquire each other’s DNA in case we ever had to cover for each other. We needed to acquire some adults. We needed to find an adult we could trust. We needed to knock out Rachel and Tobias and Cassie before they could do anything stupid—
Splinters.
Okay. We needed to get out of there, check in at home, and then meet someplace safe to talk it all over. Two, three, and four.
And make really, really, really sure that nobody’s about to crack and call up their best friend or whatever, because that would be really, really, REALLY bad—
Fine. Two-A, two-B, three, and four.
“Jake,” I said.
Jake looked over and held up a finger. I sighed.
Turning away from the group, I looked up at the stars. There weren’t many visible, what with the glare of the lights from the mall and the highway. A few hundred, maybe. None of them appeared to be moving. Probably none of them were spaceships, but who knew? Elfangor’s ship had decloaked right in front of our eyes.
The Yeerk ships didn’t, though. They were visible the whole time. Another mistake? Or a technology they don’t have?
More mysteries. I looked back down at the dirt, at the place where Elfangor had died.
“The morphing process will take approximately two minutes,” he’d said, two minutes before his mouth had disappeared and an extra pair of eyes had sprouted from the back of his head. “You will initiate it with a burst of intense concentration. Simply focus on the desired organism, and visualize the transformation. Imagine it happening, and the morphing mechanism will respond.”
I held out my hand. Elfangor’s had had seven fingers. I distinctly remembered watching the extra two emerge as blue fur spread across his human skin. One of them had grown like a tumor out of the web between his thumb and index finger. The other had split off of his pinky, like in Mrs. Delphi’s life science video on cell division.
Giving in to a sudden, crazy impulse, I let my eyes flutter closed, focused intently, tried to imagine what it would feel like to have seven fingers, four eyes, to feel an extra pair of legs bursting from my abdomen, to sprout a tail whose tip was a deadly, razor-sharp shard of bone. I held the image of the alien in my mind, trying not to notice the words this is insane as they floated across like subtitles.
“Marco?”
I opened my eyes and looked down at my hand. It was pretty dark, but I was reasonably sure nothing had changed.
Well, he did say it would take hours to analyze the first samples.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Jake, his eyes two sparks in the deep shadow of his face. “You okay, amigo?” he asked softly.
I let out a low, humorless laugh. “If any of the rest of them answered yes to that question, it’s time to call the nuthouse.”
Jake looked back at Tobias, who was sitting in the dirt a few yards away, his head in his hands, silent sobs shaking his body. “We need to get out of here,” Jake muttered. “Someplace safe, where we can figure all this stuff out. The Magnuson park playground, maybe. Or Cassie’s barn.”
“Cassie’s barn sounds good,” I said. “But home first. Nothing suspicious. Nothing to make it look like we did anything other than spend a boring Saturday night at the mall. If there really are a thousand Controllers already—”
“—then there’s probably somebody close enough to notice if we start acting weird. Right.” Jake scrubbed at his eyes for a moment, then sighed, his shoulders sagging. “I’m going to have to tell everyone it’s time to go, aren’t I?”
I snorted and rolled my eyes, not caring that he couldn’t really see them in the dark. “Hey,” I called out, loudly.
The others all looked up.
“You guys ready to get out of here?”
No one said anything.
“Oooookay. Um. Look. It’s already after nine. But we need to get together and talk, too. I think—I think we should go back to the mall, chill in the arcade for a bit, and then call for a ride. That way, it looks like we were there the whole time, and just lost track of how late it was.”
I paused, but still no one said anything. They just sat there, staring at me.
“And then, we can all meet up at Cassie’s—everybody know where Cassie lives?”
Crickets.
“Fine, right. We all go to sleep, and then sneak out and meet up at Cassie’s at—let’s say one AM. And we should wait to figure out this whole morphing thing until we’re all together, in case anything goes wrong. Everybody agree?”
As if on cue, Tobias, Rachel and Cassie all turned to look at Jake.
I let out another hollow laugh. That was going to be a problem if Jake ever decided not to listen to reason one day.
Or if Elfangor’s little earplugs don’t work on humans, and the Yeerks get ahold of him.
I shuddered. To cover it, I dropped to my knees and raised my hands above my head, as if in prayer. “Oh, Fearless Leader,” I intoned, kowtowing in Jake’s direction. “Wilt thou call upon the holy spirit of Simon Says, and bestow thy blessing on my humble and unworthy plan?”
Jake shifted uncomfortably. “Since when do you all wait for me to decide these things?” he muttered.
No one answered. Except me, of course—I went ommmm and he kicked me. Then he said some words, and together we headed back toward the mall, the fate of the human race on our shoulders.
* * *
I expected trouble from Tobias and Rachel. I mean, they’ve both got that whole don’t-tell-me-what-to-do vibe going on, you know? Rachel because she’s this total prom queen princess type, and Tobias because he’s this tragic, troubled youth with a bad home life and a leather jacket.
I had not expected trouble from Cassie.
“I’m sorry,” she said, avoiding Jake’s disapproving gaze as she peered out at us from over the stall door, her long mane shriveling into the tight curls of her short-cropped hair. “I wasn’t even really trying to. I was just finishing up with Peppermint, and she went all quiet and still, and I wondered if I’d accidentally done the thing, acquired her or whatever, and then I just thought, you know.” She disappeared from view, and we could hear the rustle of fabric, the sound of zippers and snaps. A moment later, she emerged, biting her lip. “It’s just—I’ve literally had dreams about being a horse for my entire life. And then my parents went to bed at ten thirty, and I came out here to wait, and I just thought—well, what harm could it do?”
I looked over at Jake, realizing a split second too late that I was being an idiot, that Jake wasn’t actually in charge of anything and that furthermore he was pretty much Cassie’s boyfriend and probably couldn’t be relied on to do the appropriate amount of screaming and yelling that this situation called for.
Sure enough, his expression softened. “That was still a really big risk, Cassie,” he said. “You didn’t even lock the barn door. We just walked right in. What if we’d been Controllers?”
She looked sheepish. “Well, I mean, we never lock the barn door, so if my parents had come down, I would have had to explain why it was locked, and I just—I don’t know. It just didn’t seem likely, I guess.”
I was going to point out that suddenly being granted the ability to turn into a horse by a dying alien wasn’t particularly likely, either, and that maybe it was time to start taking unlikely possibilities very, very seriously, but Jake got there first.
For a very loose definition of there, anyway.
“You WHAT?” I spluttered, after actually feeling my jaw drop.
It was Jake’s turn to look sheepish, which he didn’t, instead crossing his arms and frowning as if I was the one who was being unreasonable. “I morphed Homer,” he repeated, matter-of-fact. “In the bathroom, with the door locked, while the shower was running.”
“Me, too,” Tobias said quietly. “I mean, not Homer. Dude. I morphed Dude, my cat.”
“What part of wait until we can all be there didn’t make sense to you people?” I said, completely aware that I was about an inch away from shouting. “We’re messing around with alien technology that’s supposedly shoving our bodies out into hyperspace. We were supposed to do this together—we were supposed to do this smart!”
“Hey,” Rachel interjected. “Who died and made you emperor?”
“Who died and made Jake emperor?” I shot back. “This has nothing to do with who’s in charge, this has to do with what makes sense. With keeping ourselves from getting killed. What did you morph into—a parakeet?”
“No,” she answered quietly. “My sister. Sara.”
There was a soft rustle as the whole group took in a breath. I felt a cold prickle of sweat break out between my shoulder blades. I’d already been thinking about acquiring people, but thinking about it and doing it were two very different things. Even I hadn’t expected that particular line to be crossed so quickly.
“That,” I said, slowly and carefully, “was really st—”
“Oh, shut up,” Rachel snapped, leaping up from the bale of hay where she’d been sitting and sticking a finger in my face. “You think you’re the only one here with brains, Marco? My sister is not a Controller. She’s eight years old. They don’t want her for anything. Besides, if she was, then I would have been—don’t you think the very first move a Controller would make would be to infest the rest of her family? And she didn’t notice me acquiring her, because she was already falling asleep—I did it while I carried her up to bed. And there was no chance anybody was going to catch me, because I did it in my room, with the lights out, with the door locked, and with the dresser shoved up against it. So take that smug little attitude and shove it, okay?”
“Rachel,” Jake began warningly.
“No, Jake,” I said, cutting him off. The hot anger I’d initially felt had cooled into obsidian, and my voice was tight and controlled as I stood to face Rachel. She was a good foot and a half taller than me, but I forced myself to loom anyway, pushing forward so that she had no choice but to take a step back. “Rachel’s right. I’m not the only one with brains. Because I never even thought about using eight-year-olds to infest entire families, or how one elementary school teacher could pretty much take out a whole neighborhood. Just put the class down for naptime, open up your Thermos, and there you go—an all-you-can-infest buffet.”
Rachel’s glare didn’t change much, but I saw her eyes widen a little, saw the edges of her mouth compress. Around me, the others had gone rigid, even Jake shocked into silence. “You know who does have brains, though?” I continued. “The Yeerks. Maybe a thousand of them already. A thousand human brains, a thousand slaves, except those slaves can’t even think without their masters knowing about it. Every idea those thousand people have—every escape plan, every desperate hope, every Yeerk weakness they manage to figure out—the Yeerks know. They know all of it, can use all of it. If just one of those people happens to realize, just accidentally makes the connection that oh, hey, you know what, elementary schools are this giant weak spot in humanity’s defenses, then it’s game over, because they don’t just get our bodies, they get our minds too. Every new Controller counts double, because not only do we lose everything that person could have brought to the fight, the Yeerks gain all that.”
I was pushing too hard, could tell that I was pushing too hard, but I didn’t care. I’d been wrestling with the weight of this for an hour, struggling to think through all of the implications, feeling hope slip away, and meanwhile, the rest of them had been morphing into pets. I rounded on them, burned each of them with my glare as I tore at their illusions, their happy ignorance. “There is nothing standing in their way except us—did you get that? This isn’t some movie, where humanity’s going to rise up and pull some bullshit trick out of its ass. The Yeerks are winning. They’ve got a thousand of us already, they could have twenty thousand more in a couple of weeks, and nobody’s noticed. Elfangor said the point of no return might be six months away, and that means that tomorrow it’ll be five months and twenty nine days, and we’ve got nothing on our side except morphing, and you guys have already decided it’s a toy. Did you not see Elfangor get eaten? Do you not understand the stakes? He didn’t give each one of us the destruct code for the box because he believes in equality or democracy or some crap like that, he gave it to all of us because he knew that four of us might die and there might be just one of us left to stop the Yeerks from getting their hands on it. He was coming to destroy the planet because he thought that might be the only way to stop them.”
I ground to a halt. Even though my voice was still quiet, still low and tight, my chest was heaving. The sweat that had begun between my shoulder blades had spread, and I could feel it soaking into my shirt, into the waistband of my boxers. I looked at each one of them in turn, held each pair of eyes for a full five seconds before moving on to the next.
Except for Jake, I didn’t really know these people. They were placeholders, stereotypes, faces in the crowd—Jake’s cousin, Jake’s crush, and that emo kid who hangs around sometimes. Instead of Rachel, Cassie, and Tobias, I could have been walking home with Phillip, Erek, and Jennifer. Or David, Cate, and Elizabeth. I could have been walking home with Melissa Chapman, who—if Rachel was right—was almost certainly a Controller.
I didn’t know these people, but I needed them.
“We’re it, guys,” I said. “Just the five of us. If we don’t make it, if we screw it up, then the human race will actually lose. So yeah, I think it was stupid for Cassie to morph into a horse just to live out some little girl dream. I think it was stupid for Jake and Tobias to morph basically defenseless animals when anyone in their houses might be a Controller already. I think it was stupid for Rachel to morph her sister in her house, when any second her mom could have pulled the whole open-this-door-right-now-young-lady routine. There are seven billion people who are going to live or die based on the mistakes we do or don’t make. Being dumb is something we can’t afford, and I don’t care if you all think I’m an asshole for saying it.”
Suddenly tired, I turned away from them, closed my mouth and dropped heavily onto a nearby bale of hay. I felt drained, empty, as if I’d just finished running the mile in PE. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to switch off and let someone else take control.
But I couldn’t. And maybe I’d never be able to again.
I looked back up. The four of them were all still frozen, various mixtures of anger, horror, and shame written on their faces as they looked at each other, at the animal cages lining the walls of the barn—at anything but me.
“Cassie,” I said flatly, hoping to change the subject. “What’s the deal with this place? Why do you guys have all these animals?”
She turned toward me, and I was surprised to see warmth and sympathy in her eyes. “This is the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic,” she said. “Both my parents are vets, and my dad gets money from the state to take care of injured animals picked up by Animal Control, get them ready to be released back into the wild. We’ve usually got hawks and falcons who’ve been shot or hurt during storms, squirrels and raccoons and ‘possums who’ve been hit by cars, sometimes wolves or foxes or deer. We had a small bear one time, but that was a few years ago.”
She bit her lip. “Also,” she said, hesitantly, “also, my mom is the head vet at the Gardens. I can probably get us in without raising any suspicions. The zoo there has sharks, tigers, snakes, bats, elephants—pretty much everything.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Evidence that we have been maneuvered into place by those you might call God, Elfangor had said.
Maybe he’d been telling the truth. Maybe the deck really was stacked in our favor, at least in some ways.
I looked around at the cages. About half of them were empty, but near the door were four large ones, each with a bird of prey. There was some kind of hawk with reddish feathers in its tail, a black-and-white osprey with one wing encased in plaster, a tawny owl with only one eye, and what looked like a young bald eagle.
Cassie had been following my gaze. “Do you think we should acquire them?” she asked timidly. “I can pull them out.”
If we morph an injured animal, do we get the injuries?
If we get injured in morph, do the injuries go away when we re-morph?
If one of us acquires an animal, can the others acquire from the morph, or do they have to acquire the original, too?
I shook my head. “Yes. But not yet. There’s something else I think we need to do, first.”
* * *
We’d decided to stay in the barn. The woods would have been safer in terms of the risk from Cassie’s parents, but the Yeerk ships had looked like they were headed for orbit, and it was a clear night. No sense in making satellite surveillance any easier than it had to be.
I was in the farthest stall at the back of the barn, away from Cassie’s three horses, with Jake and Tobias standing beside me. Rachel was just outside the door with her back turned; after seeing what happened to Elfangor’s clothes when he went from human to Andalite, I’d left mine in a pile in the corner. Cassie had stayed up front, where she was pretending to clean an empty cage, ready to head off her parents if they showed up.
Tobias had wanted to do it, but in a surprisingly generous move, Rachel had stepped up in my defense, arguing that out of the five of us, I was the only one who hadn’t gotten to try out the morphing power yet. I wasn’t totally comfortable with that kind of reasoning, but I appreciated the olive branch.
“You ready?” Jake asked.
I nodded tightly, trying not to let my nervousness show as I stood there, covering as much as I could with my hands. It was one thing to play around with imagining extra fingers when you were half-convinced it wouldn’t work. It was another thing to contemplate actually turning into some kind of alien centaur scorpion.
“It doesn’t hurt,” Tobias said. “It’s super gross and disturbing, but it doesn’t hurt.”
I nodded again. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and focused.
This time, I could feel the changes immediately, feel the grinding as my bones rearranged, the sloshing as my organs liquefied and re-formed into new and complex structures. I was unable to keep my eyes closed and they snapped open just in time to see the two new legs bursting out of my abdomen, complete with blue fur and dark, sueded hooves. Unbalanced, I fell forward, Jake and Tobias reaching out to steady me.
There were a thousand changes, all of them happening in a rush, the two minutes flashing by as every piece of my body’s familiar territory was replaced with an alien landscape.
My mouth, sealing shut like a Ziploc bag as my nose flattened and my jawbone melted away.
My ears, turning pointy and sliding upward as my hearing sharpened noticeably.
My arms, withering slightly as they became the slender, graceful arms of an Andalite, complete with seven fingers at the end of each flexible hand.
My spine, lengthening and bending as the middle of my back became a sort of second hip, a hinge that left my upper body not quite upright, like a cobra preparing to strike.
My eyes—my new eyes, opening at the ends of two long stalks that sprouted from the back of my neckless head, offering me a full three hundred and sixty degrees of vision.
My tail.
It was the tail that marked the end of the transformation, a thick column of muscle, as heavy as my whole torso, counterbalancing the centaur body. I felt it grow, and grow, and grow, impossibly long, until it was fully capable of whipping over my—was it really still a shoulder?—and hitting targets outside of my arms’ reach. The blade of bone seemed to slide out of the shaft like Wolverine’s claws, a wicked scythe more than a foot long, as thick as a book at the base and tapering to a razor’s edge, a needle’s point.
As I lashed it back and forth, unable to resist the sheer sensation of power, I felt the body’s brain awaken. There were no thoughts, no memories, no personality—only a strange sort of reaching, a cup somehow straining to be filled. It was like a house where someone’s mind had lived, the ghost of consciousness still lingering in empty archives, in idle processors. The brain’s structure pulled at me, tugged on me, drew my own mind forward as if eager to absorb me and start thinking again.
“Marco?” Jake asked. “You okay in there?”
I turned to look at him with all four eyes, tried opening my mouth and remembered that I didn’t have one. <I think so,> I thought at him. <Can you hear me?>
Jake grinned, relief plain on his face. “Yeah, I can hear you. That’s amazing, actually.”
Tobias tapped me on the shoulder, and I swiveled my stalk eyes in his direction, keeping my main eyes on Jake. “What’s it like?” he asked.
I considered briefly. <It’s—>
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
Chapter 3: Rachel
Summary:
The group attempts to understand the morphing power, and tension between conflicting ideologies threatens to pull everyone apart, causing Rachel to take unilateral action.
Chapter Text
Chapter 03: Rachel
I straightened in the stall, giving my body a quick once-over to confirm that all of my parts had, in fact, returned to their rightful places. Pulling on my clothes, I called out to the others. “I’m clear.”
The door swung open to reveal Cassie and Jake, both standing with expectant looks on their faces. “Still there,” I said. “Exactly the same as what everybody else heard. The voice goes ‘Elfangor, brother, help me,’ and then there’s like a ten second pause, and then it repeats.”
Jake nodded, the muscles in his jaw tight. “Did you mark the angle?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Again, same as what you guys got.” I stepped aside so that they could see the two lines I’d gouged with my Andalite tail blade—one in the rough, unfinished wood of the stall wall, and one in the dirt of the floor. “It was definitely coming from under the ground.”
Cassie stepped forward, holding the plastic protractor she’d retrieved from her bedroom earlier that morning, when we’d reassembled after a long and sleepless night. “It’s tough to be really accurate,” she said. “But it looks just like yours and mine. Thirty-ish degrees below horizontal.”
“And just a little bit south of west,” I added, pointing at the line on the ground. “So unless it’s coming from the middle of the planet somehow—”
“—then Elfangor’s brother is trapped somewhere in the middle of the Pacific ocean,” Jake finished. He sighed, scrubbing at his eyes again, and looked over at Cassie’s globe, conspicuously out-of-place amid the hay bales and the dull metal cages. We’d tried extrapolating based on the direction the voice seemed to be coming from, had drawn a circle around our best guess as to its origin. It was about an inch across, a tight little loop in the middle of a wide patch of blue.
Just a little bigger than Texas.
“We’re definitely assuming this isn’t some kind of trick, then?” I asked.
Jake shrugged. “I don’t see how it could be, or why anyone would bother. Elfangor’s dead. And we’re only hearing the message when we’re in Andalite morph. I don’t know how hack-proof thought-speak is, but if the signal is somehow keyed to Elfangor’s DNA…”
“It might not be his DNA,” Cassie pointed out. “It could be his brainwaves, or something. I mean, if what we’re morphing is an exact copy of his body, all the way down to the neurons and stuff…”
“Not important,” I interrupted. “What’s important is figuring out what we’re going to do about it.”
Jake and Cassie exchanged glances, and I felt a flicker of irritation. “There might not be anything we can do, Rachel,” Jake said quietly. “That’s thousands of miles away from here. Hundreds of miles from the nearest land. If that circle’s in the right place, the globe says the water’s over two miles deep.”
The flicker turned into a small, bright flame and my eyes narrowed. “So it’s not going to be easy,” I said, letting my voice go sharp. “Don’t tell me you think that means we ought to do nothing.” I looked back and forth between them, but neither offered a response. “Elfangor died so that the five of us could get away. We can’t just abandon his brother.”
“After the mission to kill us all didn’t go according to plan, you mean,” Jake corrected. “We don’t know who his brother is, or what he’ll want, or how he’ll react when he finds out Elfangor is dead.”
“So your solution is to just ignore him? Leave him to drown, or starve?”
“That’s not what I’m—”
“Guys!” Cassie broke in. “This isn’t—I mean, can we please just wait for Tobias and Marco to get back? Instead of trying to figure it out by ourselves?”
Jake crossed his arms, his mouth clicking shut. I could see him wrestling with his own irritation, struggling to keep his cool. I said nothing, only spun on my heel and began pacing up and down the length of the barn.
It wasn’t Jake’s fault. I was on edge, overreacting, looking for excuses to argue. I couldn’t help it—I hadn’t slept at all, and every minute or so, my body would send another wave of adrenaline crashing through my bloodstream. It had been almost fifteen hours since Elfangor’s ship had appeared in front of us, and since then, we’d done nothing but stand around and talk.
Okay, that wasn’t true. We’d all tried morphing, and we’d gone ahead and acquired every animal in Cassie’s barn the night before so that the analysis could run its course. We’d confirmed that the message from Elfangor’s brother was, in fact, a message, and not a live communication, and we’d gone ahead and started working out its origin while Marco and Tobias went out into the woods to experiment with the telepathy that seemed to be part of the morphing technology.
But we hadn’t done anything, and I was starting to unravel. I could feel the pressure of inaction across every inch of my skin, getting tighter and tighter as the seconds ticked by.
On my third lap across the barn, I stopped abruptly. “I’m going to practice morphing until they get back,” I said. “I’ll use the stall.”
I ducked back inside before they could reply, pulling the door shut behind me. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I set it on a small ledge and opened up the stopwatch app, then stripped down. With a deep breath, I pushed start and focused all of my thoughts on my chosen target.
Badger, I thought to myself.
I had actually met the badger before, a scarred old male who’d been pulled out from under a log by a pair of hikers in the national park. Cassie and I had been working on homework together on the day he’d been found, and I’d been conscripted into helping while she and her dad operated on his broken back. Closing my eyes, I pictured his thick, wiry fur, his long, hooked claws, his wide, stubby tail.
The first thing I noticed was a feeling of falling. My eyes shot open as my body shrank down, the rest of the barn rocketing skyward. I was barely three feet tall before anything else started to change.
As I watched, my body began to turn colors—mostly black, but with bright slashes of pure white. There was an itchy, tingling sensation, and suddenly everything shattered and shivered and split, a million tiny hairs forming themselves out of what had moments before been smooth skin.
It was about then that my eyesight started to weaken, the world around me blurring as my eyes shrank and receded, changing from bright blue to the badger’s beady dark brown. At the same time, my nose and mouth began protruding, stretching farther and farther forward as the bones of my face rearranged into a long, sturdy snout.
I fell forward onto hands and knees just as my arms and legs began to shrink, sucking up into my body like spaghetti. I felt the connection between my head and my spine disappear as my skull rotated backward, then felt it re-form, the vertebrae clicking into place in their new arrangement. It was like being at the dentist—I could sense what was happening to my body, could tell that it should hurt, but I felt it only vaguely, distantly, as if it were happening to somebody else.
It was a good thing, too, because as my claws ripped their way out of my fingers and toes, I not only saw the bones inside my hands—I smelled them, too. If I’d been able to sense pain normally, I would have been driven completely insane before the morph was even halfway done. Every single piece of me had been torn apart, rearranged, and stuck back together.
With a nauseating sound like cutting meat, my tail pushed out from the base of my spine, and the morph was complete. Holding still, I braced myself for the appearance of the badger’s mind.
We’d discovered that our control over the morphs wasn’t a hundred percent—which was actually a relief, because it meant we didn’t have to figure out how to swim and crawl and fly from scratch. There was a sort of residual awareness, a collection of emotions and instincts that were more than capable of running the morphed body on their own.
For some morphs—like Elfangor’s body, or the birds of prey—the effect was pretty mild. There was hunger, and maybe a drive to hunt or hide, and some subtle shifts in what caught your attention, but otherwise, you mostly felt like you.
With the horses, though, it was almost impossible to shake the skittishness. It was like being on five cups of coffee—there would be a sound, and the horse body would have already reacted before your human brain had even registered it. And when Cassie tried out squirrel morph, she lost control completely for almost five minutes, tearing around the barn in a panic. The squirrel’s instincts were just too powerful, too ingrained, and it wasn’t until Tobias dipped back into hawk morph and communicated with her telepathically that she was able to get a grip.
I was pretty confident that the badger would be easy to handle. It was a big and powerful animal, fairly high up on the food chain, and this badger in particular had seemed more bored than afraid each time I’d seen Cassie give him his meds. But I steeled myself mentally, just in case.
As it turned out, I didn’t need to worry. The badger was sleepy, confident, and hungry, in that order. It was like sharing my brain with the essence of Saturday mornings. Other than a slightly-higher-than-usual desire to sniff around in the dirt of the stall floor, I felt completely normal and completely in control.
Rearing, I tried to make out the numbers on my phone. The ledge where I’d left it was only a foot above my head, but the badger’s vision was terrible. Everything was blurred, and all of the colors were washed out and subtly shifted. I could see a dark, rectangular shape with something bright moving inside, but otherwise nothing.
Okay, fine. I’d been in morph for—what—thirty seconds? If I demorphed immediately, I could still get a pretty decent estimate of how long the transformation had taken. I was interested in finding out whether morphs of different size took different amounts of time, or whether the technology responded to a harder mental push. Taking one last sniff, I focused on my own body and began to reverse the changes.
My normal human vision returned in time to see the stopwatch tick over from 2:59 to 3:00, and I kept my eyes locked on it for the rest of the transformation. It read 3:47 when the last of the squelching, schlooping, and grinding finished, and I did the math in my head in a heartbeat.
Just over a minute and a half. No different, in other words, than when I’d morphed into Sara or Elfangor. It wasn’t enough to lock in the pattern for sure, but it was pretty solid evidence to start with. Human child, dog-sized mammal, or full-sized alien—apparently, size and complexity made no difference.
Resetting the timer, I focused on the squirrel, and began my second morph. My sixth, in total.
Four minutes later, as I returned to human form, I suddenly realized that my whole body was trembling and tired, my arms heavy as if I’d just finished running through my gymnastics routine. Frowning, I took a step, and was just barely able to stop my knees from buckling.
That was new.
“Guys?” I called out weakly. Reaching for my clothes, I overbalanced, my shoulder slamming against the stall wall. I stayed in that position as I tugged on my jeans, leaning heavily against the wood as I slid them past my hips. Stashing the phone in my pocket, I threw my coat around my shoulders and stepped shakily back out of the stall.
Cassie and Jake were over by the barn door, poring over the globe and a sheet full of scribbled drawings and diagrams. They looked up as I walked out, their faces immediately flooding with concern.
“Rachel!” Cassie shouted, as they both ran over to me. “Sit down!”
I levered myself toward one of the hay bales, feeling tired all over, and just barely made it, my muscles giving way as I dropped heavily into a sitting position. “Tired,” I said.
“What happened?” Jake asked. “Are you okay? You’re white as a sheet.” Behind me, Cassie grabbed my shoulders, pulling me back to lean against her thighs and stomach.
“Morphed and demorphed,” I said, each word a weight that had to be lifted individually. “Twice, rapid-fire.”
“And it did this?” he said, appalled. “You look like you did when you had pneumonia last year.”
I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Not like that.” I lifted my arm, let it drop back into my lap. “Not dizzy. Not sick. More like, just ran ten miles.”
I felt Cassie’s fingers gently buttoning my jacket for me, then twitched when they pressed against the line of my jaw. I realized she was checking my pulse, and held still, noticing as I did that my breathing was normal, neither particularly fast nor particularly slow.
“Heart rate’s about fifty-four,” Cassie announced. “A little low, but she’s a gymnast. Totally normal.”
I shrugged my shoulders and tensed my legs. “Not sore, either,” I said. “Just really, really—”
I broke off. I had been about to say really, really tired, but in the minute or so that I’d been sitting there, one of the reallys had dropped off. Now I only felt like I’d run five miles.
“What is it?” Jake asked, still sounding slightly hysterical.
“Nothing,” I replied. “It’s weird. It’s already fading.” I gently pulled Cassie’s hands off of my shoulders and straightened, still sitting on the bale. “It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I’m already halfway back to normal.”
“Don’t stand up yet,” Cassie warned. “You’re still looking pretty pale.”
I nodded, and stayed seated. “Do you think it has something to do with the morphing tech?” I wondered aloud. “Like, obviously, duh. But with the morphing tech itself. The nanobots, or whatever.”
Jake shrugged, his expression still tight. “Could be. Elfangor said something about them having a charge. But I don’t see why that would make you tired.”
“Some kind of fail-safe?” Cassie suggested. “An automatic shutoff, to stop you from overloading the system?”
“If so, that’s something we’re going to have to do more experiments with,” I said. “Don’t want to suddenly run out of morphing power in the middle of a fight.”
“Like hell,” Jake snapped. “I don’t care about some fight, I care about the fact that my cousin just came this close to dying of exhaustion.”
I smiled, feeling the last of the strange fatigue draining away from my arms and legs. “Real sweet, Jake, but I’m fine. Look.” Standing, I shook out my hands and feet, rotated my shoulders and hips.
“Still,” Jake said. “That’s—what—ten transformations this morning? Counting both morphing and demorphing? Six in the past fifteen minutes. I don’t want you doing any more for at least a couple of hours.”
“Who’s gonna stop me?”
“Rachel—”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” I said, holding up my hands as Jake put on his best stern-dad expression. “I’ll hold off for a while. But we really do need to figure out what the limits are.” I looked over at the globe. “Especially if we’re going to have to chain morphs together all day while we swim or fly across an ocean.”
I looked back just in time to catch Jake’s grimace, and then my own voice filled my head.
<Eagle Leader to Eagle Nest. Inbound, ETA thirty seconds, Tobias ate a mouse. Over.>
* * *
“Short version: thought-speak has a range of about three hundred yards, and shouting or whispering doesn’t change the range, but it does change the volume. It clicks on about halfway through the morph no matter what, and you can thought-speak from any morph, including human. It doesn’t matter if there’s stuff in the way, and you can send things that aren’t words, like humming or beeps, but they still translate into the other person’s ‘voice.’ It also has some kind of automatic built-in privacy targeting thingy—I was right next to Tobias and basically thought-shouting, but he couldn’t hear me unless I wanted him to. Oh, and side note—we tried acquiring from a morph, and it works. I can now officially impersonate Tobias’s cat, Dude.”
We were sitting in a circle in the barn, just as we had the night before. Marco was perched on the same high, sturdy shelf where he’d left his spare clothes, his legs kicking and dangling as he looked down at the rest of us. He’d flown in, demorphed in place, and immediately begun talking, a hint of excitement leaking through his doom-and-gloom attitude. Jake and Cassie and I were listening, having already explained about the morphing fatigue while the pair of them were coming out of bird form. Tobias was off to one side, slightly apart from the rest of us, a queasy sort of look on his face.
“Did you check the distress signal?” Jake asked.
“Yeah,” Marco said, nodding. “It was just as strong and coming from the same direction even when we went two or three miles out, so it’s definitely not just three hundred yards deep underground or anything like that. Oh, and there’s something special about it, because when Tobias and I were talking at each other, we couldn’t tell where our thoughts were coming from.”
I frowned. “A homing beacon? Tied right into the message somehow?”
“Makes sense, for a distress signal,” Jake said. “Did you guys run into any trouble with multiple morphs? Like what happened to Rachel?”
“Not really,” Marco said. “We got a little tired after a while, but we never did four changes back-to-back like that.” He glanced at Tobias. “We did run into a little trouble with the morph’s instincts. Turns out they can take you by surprise pretty quick.”
Tobias’s mouth thinned to a tight line, and his cheeks flushed. “There was a mouse,” he said curtly. “It was like flipping a switch. The hawk just took over.”
“Which raises an interesting question, actually,” Marco said. “Is there a mouse inside you right now?”
I saw Jake and Cassie’s eyes widen with surprise. Tobias’s face didn’t change—he’d clearly already been considering the possibility, and was none too thrilled about it.
“Because the way the morphing seems to happen,” Marco continued, “your body changes piece by piece, right? So theoretically, you might have morphed around the mouse.”
“Do we really have to talk about this?” Cassie asked, her eyes on Tobias, whose blush had turned slightly green.
Marco shrugged. “No. But the question becomes a lot more interesting when we’re talking about bullets, instead of mice.”
I shivered. Jake gave a low whistle and stuck his hands in his pockets, while Cassie reached out to put a hand on Tobias’s shoulder. For a moment, we were all silent.
Then a thought occurred to me. “Hey,” I said. “Actually, that reminds me—you said thought-speak works when you’re in human morph?”
Marco nodded.
“You and Tobias morphed each other?”
Another nod.
“What—um. What happened to your clothes? When you morphed?”
“Nothing. We just morphed inside them, basically.”
“But they fell off when you morphed into birds?”
“Yeah. They’re stashed out by those big rocks, at the edge of the woods. Figured we’d pick them up on the way out.”
I frowned. Something was tickling at the edge of my thoughts, but I couldn’t quite put it into words.
“What is it, Rachel?” Cassie asked.
I shook my head. “Dunno,” I replied. Our clothes had fallen off each time we’d morphed something small. And when Elfangor had demorphed from human to his larger Andalite body, his clothes had ripped and torn. Basically, clothes were completely separate from the morphing process, which was about what you’d expect, if it was based on a genetic scan. Except—
“Elfangor’s clothes,” I said. “Where’d they come from?”
Marco shrugged. “He probably had some stashed away, right? I mean, he’d morphed human before.”
“Those weren’t human clothes, though,” I said.
There was a long pause as everyone gave me the same blank look. “What?” I asked, a little defensively. “They weren’t. The seams were totally weird—they were in all the wrong places, and they didn’t look like they were held together by thread.”
“Leave it to Rachel to pick up on the finer points of intergalactic fashion design,” Jake said dryly.
“Excuse me,” Cassie interrupted, holding up a hand. “I don’t mean to butt in, but can we back up for a minute? I mean, we’ve been doing experiments and figuring stuff out all morning, but we haven’t even stopped to talk about the big picture.”
“What big picture?” I asked.
“Everything!” Cassie said, and suddenly her voice was no longer strong and steady. “All that stuff that Marco was talking about last night! The alien invasion going on in our hometown! Mr. Chapman infesting those police officers! You guys are talking about bullets and—and rescue missions to the middle of the ocean, and we just watched someone get eaten, and—we’re just a bunch of teenagers in a barn! What are we going to do? What’s the plan?”
“We fight,” I said.
“Fight who? Fight how? None of us know anything about how to—to wage war. I haven’t ever even punched anybody. And how are we supposed to fight anything when we can’t even leave the house without telling our parents where we’re going? This is too big, you guys. Too big. We—we could die. Elfangor died. Those cops got turned into slaves right in front of us. How are we supposed to do anything about any of this?”
“Okay,” Jake said, springing to his feet and holding out both hands. “Everybody hang on a sec. Please. Just hang on and take a deep breath.” He looked around the circle for consent, then nodded grimly. “Okay. First off—Cassie, you’re right. We need to start at the beginning. And we need to go slow, so that we all have a chance to talk.”
He paused again, glancing at each of us in turn. “Anybody mind if I talk first?”
“You’re in charge, boss-man,” Marco quipped.
Jake winced, and I raised my hand. “Actually,” I said, “that’s maybe the first thing we need to figure out. Who is in charge?”
“Aren’t we all in charge?” Tobias asked. “Democracy, and all that?”
“Democracy means voting,” Marco pointed out. “Which means majority rule, which means if it’s four against you, you shut your mouth and toe the line.”
“I’m not doing anything just because the four of you tell me to,” Cassie said, and there was steel beneath the tremble in her voice.
“Stop,” Jake said, and everyone fell silent again. He took a deep breath, then another, then a third. “I—okay, look. Just for right now. Just for five minutes. You all know me. Rachel, you’re my cousin. Marco, you’re my best friend. Tobias, we’ve been hanging out all year. Cassie—you trust me, right?”
Cassie nodded.
“Okay. So I’m the common link. I’m the one that everybody knows best. For the next five minutes, I’m in charge.”
He paused again, looking around the circle as if giving us a chance to object. None of us did.
“Okay. I’ll go first, then I’ll call on somebody.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet, his tone neutral and flat. “Okay. Three things. First, are we even going to do this—are we going to fight.”
I felt another flicker of irritation, this one accompanied by a healthy dose of impatience. Of course we were going to fight. What was the alternative—just stand there and do nothing?
But I suppressed the emotion, looking around the circle at Marco and Cassie and Tobias, looking at the weight that seemed to press down on Jake’s shoulders.
They were afraid.
“And everybody gets to make their own decision,” Jake continued. “No guilt. No pressure. We all saw what happened to Elfangor. I can’t—we can’t ask anybody to face that. Not if they aren’t ready. Nobody’s in unless they want to be.”
All four of them, terrified. Dealing with it, yeah, but the fear was there, written right across their faces where anyone could see.
Why wasn’t I afraid?
Should I be afraid?
“Second, are we a team. Like, are we in this together, or not. Because if we are, we’re going to have to trust each other. And if we don’t, it’s not going to work.”
I dug down into myself, trying to get a finger on the pulse of my emotions. I had to be feeling something, right?
“Third, what should we do. What’s our first step. Because we’ve got Elfangor’s brother out there somewhere, and we’ve got vice-principal Chapman, and we know the Yeerk pool is underground in the middle of town, whatever it is. And we don’t know who else we can trust.”
And then I realized. I wasn’t afraid, but it wasn’t because there was no fear inside of me. It was there, deep down—a whole ocean of it. I’d just refused to let it up. Looked away from it. Covered it up with a layer of cold resolve.
Like in gymnastics, when I’d been too scared to do backflips until I’d worked myself into a frustrated rage. Like when my mom and dad got divorced, and I didn’t talk to either of them for two months. Like last night, when Tobias and Cassie had been in tears, and all I’d felt was fury.
“Fourth, I guess. Sorry. What are the rules. How do we make decisions. What are the lines we can’t cross. What do we do if one of us—if somebody—if everything goes wrong.”
Was it better to be angry? Or afraid?
I looked around the circle again.
“That’s it, I guess. Who wants to go next?”
Angry.
I raised my hand.
“Rachel,” Jake said. “Your turn.”
I stood up. “I don’t have a whole lot to say,” I began. I deliberately kept my hands out of my pockets, kept my chin up and my eyes forward. “I’ve never been in a fight before, either. I don’t know anything about war. But right now, we’re the only ones with our eyes open. We’re the only ones who know, who are free, and Elfangor died to make that happen. Died a billion miles from home. I don’t know what good turning into a badger is going to be, but—”
I stopped and shrugged. I looked across the circle to Cassie—my best friend, and the sweetest, gentlest person I knew. “But they can’t have my sisters. And they can’t have my mom. They can’t have my dad, or my friends, or my coach. Not if there’s anything I can do to stop it. I’ll do whatever it takes—if one of you guys has a plan, count me in. But even if you don’t. Even if I’m on my own. Even if it’s hopeless. Because thanks to Elfangor, the worst they can do to me is kill me. And I’m not going to run away from that—not when everybody else is up against something so much worse.”
I sat back down, and silence filled the barn.
“Anyone else?” Jake asked. Cassie raised her hand, and he nodded to her.
“I’m not arguing with any of that,” she said. “But how can you possibly fight when every single bad guy is living inside an innocent human shield?”
* * *
By the time we finished talking, the sun was already halfway to the horizon. Tobias left on foot, Marco on his bike. Jake stayed behind to have dinner with Cassie’s family, who would drop him off at home afterward. We had all agreed not to risk flying home—not to morph at all, unless somebody’s life was at stake.
We hadn’t accomplished much. Nobody was out, but only Jake and Marco were really in. Cassie still had too many questions that no one could answer, and Tobias had mostly stayed silent.
We’d managed to agree that Jake was our leader, although nobody really knew what that meant, least of all Jake. In the end, it had boiled down to the fact that he was the only one who linked us all together. And—as Marco pointed out—that he was pretty much doing the job already, and it was working out so far.
We were going to meet up again tomorrow afternoon, at the Gardens. Cassie was fairly certain she could get us back door access to most of the animals, and if she was wrong, we were going to use the trip to scope things out for a possible night mission afterward. Her condition: it would be a non-morphing, non-violent operation. Anything we couldn’t accomplish in our own, regular bodies would have to wait. Marco had joked that we should bring spray paint and marijuana as cover; everybody had laughed until Tobias asked how much we would need.
Somehow, that had made it all a little too real.
About halfway through the conversation, I’d started to feel that pressure again, the itch of inactivity that made me want to get up and pace, made my fingers twitch and cut my patience in half. It had grown worse and worse as the others bickered and dithered, until finally I’d had to step outside to get some fresh air. Luckily, an idea had come to me, and I’d spent the rest of the discussion fleshing out a plan in my head.
For everyone else, the war would start tomorrow.
For me, it started tonight.
My house was a couple of miles away from Cassie’s, a walk I’d done hundreds of times. There was a small boutique in a strip mall right at the halfway mark, where I’d drag Cassie every once in a while when she showed signs of being willing to wear something other than overalls. They knew me there; it wouldn’t be at all out of the ordinary to stop in on a Saturday afternoon and try on some blouses.
More importantly, their dressing room doors went all the way to the floor.
Elfangor had read our minds from inside his ship—had pulled Jake and Marco’s names right out of their heads. And whatever was actually going on with thought-speak, it had noticeable, physical effects—if words were showing up in our brains that wouldn’t have been there otherwise, then there had to be neurons firing that would have otherwise been dormant—right?
I worked through the implications as I thumbed through the racks. Andalites didn’t have a mouth. Thought-speak, for them, wasn’t technology—it was how they naturally communicated.
Right?
So they had to have some kind of organ that would let them sense—and alter—thought. That would let them monitor and manipulate the firing of neurons—or whatever it was that aliens had—in someone else’s brain. Like the way sharks could sense electric fields, only in both directions.
Which meant that maybe—just maybe—we could figure out a way to detect Controllers from a distance.
I headed for the dressing room, armed with enough items to guarantee myself at least half an hour of privacy. I felt a slight twinge of guilt over the fact that I was already breaking my agreement not to morph, but I pushed it aside. Besides, technically, I was justified—lives were at stake.
Three of them, to start with.
It was cramped in the dressing room. Elfangor’s centaur-scorpion body was easily six feet long, not counting the tail. But I didn’t need to move—I just needed to think.
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
I closed my four eyes and sat as still as I could, feeling the hyperconscious Andalite brain ticking and churning away beneath my own stream of thought. I reached out, visualizing the brains of the people around me, hoping to catch a glimpse, an echo, a spark.
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
Nothing.
I tried relaxing instead of focusing, letting my own mind recede, allowing the Andalite brain to take over. It was like turning my thoughts over to a computer—I could feel my reaction time shrinking, feel my attention dividing into multiple tracks, each capable of running at full efficiency. But there was nothing new there—no new senses, no ESP.
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
Frustrated, I resisted the impulse to lash my tail back and forth. There was something I wasn’t seeing, some missing piece to the puzzle. Maybe there wasn’t an organ for listening to other people’s thoughts at all? Just the projector—just the “voice,” and it worked on top of whatever inner monologue was there to begin with?
But Elfangor knew Jake’s name. It sounded like he knew exactly what Jake was thinking.
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
Sighing inwardly, I began to demorph.
Giving up already?
No. But I was pushing it already, morphing in a public place, and there was no sense in risking it any longer than I had to.
Besides, I had a Plan B.
One of my neighbors, Mr. King, used to work as a dog trainer for the local police department before he retired. Whenever one of the dogs got too old or got injured on the job, he’d take it in. He usually had about six or seven of them living in his big, fenced-in backyard.
Every now and then, I’d run into him as he and his wife or his son—a kid named Erek, who was in my grade—walked them around the neighborhood. The last time, I’d gotten an earful about his newest acquisition, a German Shepherd named Buzz who’d recently torn a ligament bringing down a drug smuggler on the other side of the city.
A drug smuggler they’d identified when Buzz sniffed out the traces of cocaine from a shipment the guy had moved two days earlier.
I’d heard about dogs who could take one sniff of a person, and tell if they had cancer. My mom had told me about dogs that were trained to bark a warning whenever their diabetic owners’ blood sugar dropped too low.
I was willing to bet that Buzz would have no trouble sniffing out an evil alien slug sitting in the back of my vice-principal’s head.
One hour later, and I was lying on my paws on the sidewalk in front of Mr. Chapman’s house, a cheap, dollar store collar loose around my neck, absorbing the warmth from the last rays of sunshine.
I hadn’t brought it up in front of the others, but Melissa Chapman had been a friend of mine since elementary school. We’d been on the same gymnastics team for years, and had spent entire summers sleeping over at one another’s houses. We’d drifted apart since I’d started hanging out with Cassie, but she was still one of the most important people in my life. She knew me better than anyone, had helped me through my parents’ divorce, knew the passwords to all my accounts.
And her father was an alien slave.
As I waited, watching the sun slip below the horizon, a fierce battle raged inside me. Half of me wanted to believe that Melissa was safe, that the Yeerks didn’t have any use for her this early in the invasion, that I’d have noticed if they’d taken her. The other half had already gone cold as ice, and was planning ahead.
To how I would kidnap her, and take her away.
To how I’d hold her, somewhere up in the mountains, until the Yeerk in her head died of kandrona starvation.
To how I’d give her the morphing power, and make her our first recruit.
To how we’d come back, and take her parents, and set them free, too.
But first, I had to be sure.
It was twilight by the time Mr. Chapman’s mini-van pulled into their driveway, coming back from their weekly family dinner out. Leaping to my feet, I let out a friendly bark and began wagging my tail. As the doors opened, the German Shepherd brain seemed to hesitate, a wordless question forming in my head.
Friend?
I stepped forward cautiously, nostrils flaring. With a smile, Mr. Chapman reached down, holding out his fingers. I licked them gently, and he scratched me on my forehead.
Yes, I told the dog brain. Friend. But I continued to sniff, my human brain digging through the information as quickly as it could.
Buzz’s sense of smell was nothing short of extraordinary. Lying there on the sidewalk, I had been able to detect every single person and animal that had passed by since the last rain, a week earlier. I’d been able to smell the food in each of the nearby houses, the water running through the sewers under the street, the gasoline burning in the cars driving by. I could pick apart odors as easily as my human eyes could pick apart colors, and there were if anything more smells than there were shades.
But Buzz’s animal brain didn’t come equipped with a dictionary. There was no way for it to tell “natural” from “unnatural.” The suburban world was a crazy mix of organic and artificial, with plenty of perfectly ordinary smells that would have been utterly alien to a wild dog who’d grown up in some forest somewhere.
So I’d expected it to be difficult—maybe impossible—to identify the smell of Yeerk on my first pass. Especially since I didn’t really know if all three Chapmans were infested—a strange smell coming from all three of them might have just meant that they all used the same detergent or the same shampoo or whatever.
There was one thing, though, that my dog brain was entirely qualified to detect. Something that millions of years of evolution and thousands of years of breeding had made automatic, instinctive, and immediate.
Mr. Chapman was terrified.
It was subtle. Suppressed, as if the Yeerk inside was tampering with the process, shutting down the pathways by which the fear would express itself as sweat and hormones and dilated pupils. I probably would have never noticed, as a human. But to Buzz, it was like an alarm bell. I struggled to maintain control, to keep Buzz’s hackles from going up, to keep his own empathetic response from taking over. Friend, I told myself firmly, and I forced myself to roll over onto my back, exposing my belly. Mr. Chapman laughed and began rubbing my short, clean fur.
Melissa and her mother came around from the other side of the van. “Who’s this?” Mrs. Chapman asked.
Melissa crouched down, offering me her fingers. Friend, I told the dog brain again, as I leaned forward and sniffed.
Fear.
Rage.
Despair.
“Must belong to one of the new neighbors,” Mr. Chapman said. “There’s no tag on the collar.”
I sprang to my feet again, letting out another short bark and bowing onto my elbows as if eager to play. Mr. Chapman laughed again, and Melissa turned back to the van, reaching inside and rummaging around for a moment before drawing out a tennis ball.
“Here, boy,” she said, her voice sounding perfectly normal and happy. “Fetch!”
I reared up onto my hind legs, maintaining the illusion as rage threatened to shatter my control. She threw the ball, and I was after it like a shot, snatching it out of the air and racing back toward the three of them, where I dropped it and began sprinting in circles around the minivan.
My friend.
They’d taken my friend.
Taken her, and her father, and her mother. Taken three people I’d known since I was a little girl. People I’d eaten with, gone on vacations with, shared Christmas mornings with. Trapped inside their own heads, not even able to scream.
Melissa threw the ball again, and I tore after it, this time continuing to run after I caught it in my jaws. “Hey!” Melissa shouted. “That’s not yours, boy!”
But I ignored her, cutting across yards and leaping past hedges until I was half a dozen blocks away. Only then did I relinquish my iron grip on the dog’s instincts, allowing my anger to bleed through, allowing Buzz’s hackles to rise and his lips to curl back, allowing his instincts to lead us to a dark hedge corner, where we didn’t have to worry about anything sneaking up behind us.
It was funny. The German Shepherd’s reaction to fear was basically identical to my own. Buzz wasn’t cowering, he was coiling. Preparing to strike, to lash out.
He didn’t want to run. He wanted to fight.
I waited for a few minutes, letting my anger turn from fire to ice, feeling the lightning draining out of my canine veins. Padding back toward Melissa’s, I began circling the neighborhood, checking for other signs of infestation. I stopped to greet three kids, one old lady, and a couple out for a walk. No trace of that sick, suppressed fear.
Just the Chapmans, then.
I slipped into the yard of the house behind theirs, lying down out of view behind a stack of firewood. Marco had said that thought-speak had a range of about three hundred yards, and that it would auto target, being heard only by the intended recipients.
I focused on Melissa and her parents, mentally excluding the Yeerks they were carrying. The alien slugs would hear it anyway—they’d have to. But if my guess was right, they’d be unable to tell it apart from any other thought. It would sound just like Melissa, just like Mr. and Mrs. Chapman, my message translated into their own internal voices, just as Elfangor’s voice had been translated into mine.
<Enjoy it while you can, Yeerk,> I thought. <The Andalites are coming.>
Chapter 4: Cassie
Summary:
Disaster strikes, sending Cassie on a solo mission resulting in first contact with the Yeerks.
Chapter Text
Chapter 04: Cassie
I want to say that I never asked for any of this. That I wish it could all go back to the way it was.
Both of my parents are veterinarians, you know. I’m going to be one too, someday. I’ve been dealing with death since I was a toddler. Looking it right in the face, in all its ugly, sad, unfair detail. More than Marco, more than Jake, more than Tobias and Rachel, I knew what was coming if we decided to fight in this war. And while I maybe didn’t understand exactly how horrible it would be, I understood how little I understood. I could see the gap where that awful knowledge would go. And I want to say I’d give up anything to stop myself from learning it.
But if I’m honest with myself—really, truly honest—then I can’t. Because even knowing what was coming, I was happy. Happy in a way I’d never thought I’d be. Happy in a way I’m not sure I could ever decide to give up.
And I’d definitely asked for it. Prayed for it. Wished for it a thousand times over.
I don’t know what that says about me, as a person. Probably not much. I mean, everybody’s got something they’d give it all up for, right? Everybody’s got a price.
If I really had time to think about it—if some genie showed up and said, you can stop this war right now, and all you have to do is give up the morphing power—well, I’d probably make the right decision.
But it hurts to know how bitter I’d be. To know that, deep down inside, I’m not that good of a person. That the kind, caring, empathetic face I show the world is only half the story, and if I cared just a little bit less, I might sacrifice the freedom of the whole human race, just so that I could feel the wind in my mane, hear the thunder of my hooves as I raced across the fields beyond my family’s property.
So fast.
I’d never felt so fast. So strong. So capable. Peppermint’s body—my body—was a thousand pounds of lean, liquid muscle. I felt like I could run for days, like I could kick a hole through concrete, like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. For the first time in my life, I was starting to understand what it was like to be Rachel, out there on the gymnastics floor. I was the embodiment of power.
And yet, at the same time, I was at peace. There was no anger in the horse’s mind. No ego, no malice. She was happy to be running, happy to rest, happy to nibble at the grass in the cool morning sunshine. She was content just to live, with nothing to prove and no battles to win.
I would have stayed that way forever, if I could have.
<Cassie!> came the voice in my head. <Cassie, if that’s you, don’t screw around. I’m not going to rat you out to Jake. But I need to talk to you right now. We are in crisis mode as of twenty minutes ago.>
I slowed to a trot and looked up at the sky, unable to stop myself from tossing my head. A single bird of prey was arrowing across the blue, its wings pumping like a sparrow’s, its flight unnaturally straight. <It’s me,> I said, feeling my human heart sink behind the curtain of Peppermint’s calm.
<Barn. Demorph. Now. I’ll watch out for your parents.>
* * *
I dragged the overalls out from the cabinet where they’d been sitting for months, the fabric stiff and crusted with mud and poop from half a dozen species. “Sorry,” I said, as I handed them over the stall door.
“Doesn’t matter,” Marco replied. His voice was tight, his sentences clipped. Throwing the overalls on, he emerged from the stall without the slightest hint of self-consciousness, stopping right in front of me and looking straight into my eyes. “Cassie. I’m about to make you freak, okay? I’m going to say some words, and you’re going to want to freak. But you can’t freak, okay? We do not have time for freaking right now. I need you to promise that you’ll hold it together even after I’ve given you a really, really good reason not to.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again and swallowed. Suddenly the barn felt hot and airless. “Why are you here, Marco?” I asked slowly. “Why are you here instead of Jake or Rachel? Why are you talking to me instead of to Jake or Rachel?”
Marco reached out and put a hand on each of my shoulders. “Promise, Cassie. Say the words.”
And that’s when I felt it. Felt the first glimmers of understanding as the world disappeared out from under me.
Don’t act like you didn’t see this coming, girl, said the only part of me that wasn’t reeling. It was always going to be too soon—you know that. No such thing as right on time. Not with something like this.
I tried to take a deep breath, but I could only get about half of one. “I promise,” I croaked, not sure why he thought it would make a difference.
“Melissa Chapman and her parents are dead.”
There was a complicated half second, during which the world unexploded, started to celebrate, then took a hammer blow that left it cracked and listing. Amazingly, I felt myself keeping my promise, and my hands were steady as they gently lifted Marco’s off my shoulders. “How?” I asked, my voice level.
Oh, my God. You don’t even care, do you? It wasn’t Jake or Rachel, so no big deal?
“Car accident. Head-on collision, late last night. This morning, technically.”
“How did you—I mean, where did you—”
“I’ve had the news going nonstop since Friday, and I’ve been checking the internet every half hour, just in case. It was on Channel Eight a few minutes ago—seven AM round-up.”
“Oh, my God,” I said. “Do you think Rachel—”
“I don’t know,” Marco interrupted. “Probably not. But that’s going to be Jake’s job, okay? That’s why I’m here. There’s something else you have to do, and it has to be today.”
I could feel my thoughts starting to spin as shock, relief, and self-hatred settled in and began chasing one another. “Does Jake know yet?” I asked.
“No. I’m going to his house next, and we’re going to go to Rachel’s together. But you, Cassie”—he shifted, and I felt his hands slip into mine—“you’ve got to go to the Gardens.”
“What? Why?”
“This is the Yeerks, Cassie. Or at least, we have to assume it’s them, nothing else makes sense. All three Chapmans, in a car wreck at two in the morning? And whatever they’re up to, it’s not good news for us.”
“But why—”
“Think, Cassie. This weekend, we don’t go because of the news, next weekend we don’t go because of the funeral. Two weeks until we get anything bigger than a badger? No go. Things are accelerating, and we haven’t even started moving yet.”
“But I—”
“You’re the only one who can pull it off, Cassie. Tell them—tell them you don’t want to think about it, you can’t handle talking about it, you just—want to be with the animals for a day. Just one day. They’ll give it to you. They’ll let you go anywhere in the zoo, today, probably places they wouldn’t even let you go normally. You’ll be able to acquire any animal you need, and then we can copy them off you. You can—you can use this.”
Something must have been happening to my face, because Marco quailed, his jaw trembling as he let go of my hands and took a step back. “I know,” he said. “I know, okay? And if it makes you feel any better, I knew that Jake—that you—”
He stopped, took a breath, and started over, not quite managing to look me in the eye. “If Jake were here, I’d explain it to him, and when I was finished, he’d ask you to do it. He’d ask you, and you’d hate him, you’d hate him for being the one to say the words, but you’d do it because you see, don’t you? You know it’s the right move. So I figured—figured I’d save you both the trouble.” He gave a hollow little laugh. “After all, it’s not like our friendship was going anywhere special. Sorry.”
And that’s when I realized that Marco didn’t know me. That he’d seen the squirrels and sparrows and overalls, and thought he’d understood. That just like Jake, he’d missed the difference between the face I showed the world—the person I wished I was—and the girl I really was, deep down inside.
If a genie offered the choice to Marco, he’d make the right move in a heartbeat. I wanted to hate him for that, a little. But I couldn’t, so I just hated myself instead.
“I’ll do it,” I said, my voice still steady. “And Marco—”
He raised his eyes and looked into mine. “Yeah?”
“You don’t have to say sorry.”
* * *
Large bulldozer morphs—elephant, rhino, gorilla, grizzly, Canadian moose.
Check.
Agile combat morphs—tiger, gray wolf, kangaroo, Burmese python, chimpanzee, cassowary.
Check.
Utility morphs—black mamba, Australian ghost bat, great horned owl, great snipe, Brazilian huntsman spider, star-nosed mole, beaver, ferret, otter, skunk, polar bear, cheetah, bottle-nosed dolphin, tiger shark, dormouse, housefly, cockroach, ant.
Check.
Marco had started to give me a list, but I’d shut him down pretty fast. He may be smart, but this was my world. I knew every last inch of the animal kingdom.
The saltwater crocodile could generate over three thousand pounds of bite pressure per square inch, enough to chew through steel pipe like it was beef jerky.
The sting of the tarantula hawk—a kind of hornet—hurt so badly that for the first three minutes, people usually couldn’t even stop screaming.
The loggerhead sea turtle could hold its breath underwater the entire time we were morphed.
There was a reason I wanted to be a vet.
But there was also a reason that Mom came home looking like a zombie half the time. Working with animals was hot, sweaty, exhausting stuff. Over the course of the day, I’d gone through practically every exhibit, talked to nearly every handler. I’d been on my feet for almost eleven hours, racing back and forth as I tried to catch each animal during feeding time or daily checkup, and I’d spent at least ten or fifteen minutes helping out with most of them. I was beat.
And it was going to take days for me to transfer all these morphs to the others.
Mom was quiet on the car ride home. I think she wasn’t quite sure what to make of my “reaction.” Melissa and I hadn’t been close—we really only knew each other through Rachel—but this was the first time one of my classmates had passed away. Knowing Mom, she was sitting on top of a big, heaping pile of parental wisdom, and was just holding back until I gave her some sort of signal that I was ready to hear it.
It was going to be a while, though. The last thing I wanted to do was listen to empty reassurances about God’s plan, and everything turning out all right in the end. I’d spent most of the day thinking about it, and Marco was right—this had to be the Yeerks, and it couldn’t mean anything good.
I leaned my head against the window and let my eyes flutter shut, the lights of the freeway tracing dim patterns on the back of my eyelids. I felt my mother’s hand reach over to pat me on the shoulder, then slide up to rub the back of my neck.
Tzzzzzzz-ZAP.
There was a sound, a touch of pressure, and suddenly my entire body went limp, sagging into the handle of the passenger side door.
What—
My eyes were still closed, behind lids that might as well have been welded shut, for all I was able to move them. I tried to speak, and my jaw refused to respond, my tongue lying dead inside my mouth. Even my breathing was shallow and irregular, the contraction of my diaphragm sluggish and weak.
Paralyzed.
My mother had touched me, and now I was paralyzed.
Which meant that—
No.
No no no no NO.
I felt the car swerve just a little, the way it did whenever Mom checked the GPS or looked at her phone. There was a soft click, and then something hot and wet touched my neck.
Oh, no, oh God please no—
I could feel myself slipping into a kind of mad panic as the hot wetness slowly began to climb upward, feeling its way along my jawline. I scrabbled frantically inside my head, trying with every last scrap of willpower to move my hand, my head, to open my mouth and scream.
They knew.
They had taken my mother, and now they were taking me.
“Welcome back, Eldar three-two-seven,” came my mother’s voice, sudden and cold. “Orders have changed since you went into stasis. The fleet is delayed, and there is a new protocol—free spread is suspended, and no one is to travel alone.”
I felt a sliver of warmth edge its way into my ear, and realized with horror that the Yeerk inside my mother was talking to me—was leaving orders in my memory, knowing that its partner would dig through my brain and find them.
“I will provide you with fourteen of our siblings,” she continued. “This host shares sleeping quarters with its mate; you will not be needed during conversion. Stand by as a backup, and prepare to take the human Jake—my host indicates he is the most appropriate primary counterpart for yours. Pass him eleven, and the following command: he is to convert his household, give each member two spares, and await further instructions. You and I, along with Onu Two-nine-nine, are to make arrangements to defend the animal collections against Andalite incursion. The Visser predicts that the Andalites will attempt to acquire Earth morphs, if they have not already.”
The sliver of warmth became a needle, threading deep into my ear, probing, pushing further than anything I’d ever felt. Then the needle thickened into a river of fire as the body of the Yeerk surged forward, tearing its way into my brain.
I felt my frantic desperation reach a peak, felt the last shreds of my composure shatter as the pressure disappeared and the Yeerk vanished into my head. The implants! I screamed silently. They were supposed to kill it!
There was a spasm of not-quite-pain, a flash of not-quite-light and a deafening not-quite-roar. Something touched me at every point of consciousness simultaneously, a groping, questing finger poking every thought and feeling and memory at once. I heard a voice, sensed a presence, felt my eyes open at someone else’s command—
Then there was a flash of actual pain, a searing, electric jolt, and everything seemed to dissolve. For a moment, I saw double, thought double, felt double, and then—
Then everything was quiet.
My eyes were open, though my body was still slumped awkwardly into the space between the seat and the door. The car was still gliding smoothly down the freeway, the alien gripping the wheel with my mother’s hands.
Hardly daring to breathe, I tried closing one eyelid—my right one, the one she couldn’t see.
It worked.
It worked, and I had done it.
The Yeerk was dead. Elfangor’s implant had done its job, and the paralysis was wearing off.
I could still feel the panic gripping me, the nauseating horror that threatened to close my throat and send my heart bursting through my ribcage. Any minute now, my mother would realize that something had gone wrong. She had some kind of stunner, and spare Yeerks somewhere—did she have a communicator? Some kind of panic button? Was there some code word I was supposed to give?
How much time did I have?
I watched through watery eyes as we pulled off the freeway. We were coming up the back way, away from the suburbs, taking the long, empty, twisting road that wound its way through the woods and fields.
Come on, think of something, think think, she’s going to notice, you have to do something, you have to—
Have to—
Have to—
To—
But there was nothing. My brain was spiraling, redlining, my thoughts going nowhere at a million miles per hour. I was trapped. Caught. Beaten.
—notoriously disinterested in unusable bodies—
They were going to kill me.
They were going to kill me!
Oh God oh God okay hang on come on what would Jake do what would Rachel—
I flinched away.
Marco—
No.
“Eldar three-two-seven, report. Are you experiencing trouble with your host?”
My body went rigid, my mind suddenly, completely blank.
“Command. Ispec one-four-two reporting. Possible trouble with conversion of my host’s offspring. Currently in a car on Thistledown Road. Please track my position.”
Lie, you’re supposed to lie, you’re supposed to LIE NOW, CASSIE—
But fear and uncertainty had me transfixed like a deer in the headlights. I couldn’t think of anything, and so I remained silent and still as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
“Eldar three-two-seven, I am immobilizing your host body. When you regain control, give formal confirmation.”
Tzzzzzzz-ZAP.
This time, the paralysis only took me from the neck down, leaving my eyes open. I felt my body sag a little heavier against the door, my head knocking against the window as the car rumbled over bumps and cracks in the road. In another ten minutes, we’d be home, and then the Yeerk in my mother’s head would take my father, too.
And then they’d go after Jake.
“Command. Ispec one-four-two. No response from Eldar. I suspect the offspring is unruly. Will not proceed to host home alone; awaiting assistance.”
The car slowed, drifting, then shuddered to a halt as the tires left the asphalt and bounced into the grass and dirt of the shoulder. My mother turned off the car, and an eerie silence fell.
For a moment, the cacophony in my brain refused to follow suit, as panicked, useless thoughts continued to bounce back and forth inside my skull.
Slowly, though—oh, so slowly—a kind of clarity began to emerge, born of a helpless desperation that sucked everything else down and away.
My mother was caught.
I was caught.
My father was still free.
Not for long, though, whispered a small voice. It sounded an awful lot like Marco. Not if you don’t get out of this car before the cavalry shows up.
But it was impossible. There was no way out.
Unless you break the rules.
I had almost thought of it, earlier, had flinched away reflexively before the idea could take hold. If I had hit my mother while we were still driving—hit her in the face or the throat, wrestled the wheel away from her and sent the car off the road—
It was the sort of thing Rachel would have done. It was the sort of thing Jake might have done, even. It was the obvious thing to do, once you took that tiny little step of admitting that my mother wasn’t worth saving anymore.
But was that an admission I was willing to make?
Well, it doesn’t matter now. You’re paralyzed.
And it wasn’t wearing off, either. The second shock had felt no different from the first, but it had already been at least two minutes, and my body was still dead, useless, utterly unresponsive.
My human body, anyway.
I felt my mouth go dry. If I morphed, would the new body be paralyzed, too? I couldn’t think of any reason why it would be.
She’ll just shock it again, though.
And there was no way that her weapon would fail to work on an Andalite body, which is what I’d have to morph if I wanted to maintain our cover.
Your cover is already blown. They’re going to find out you’re human about thirty seconds after they start torturing you.
If I was going to break all the rules…
Could her stunner take down an elephant?
Yeerk reinforcements were on the way. I didn’t know how many, or whether they’d come in a car or from the sky. But either way, I couldn’t have much time. Minutes, maybe. Maybe less.
One slim chance.
I began to morph, focusing with all my might on channeling the changes, keeping them subtle and invisible for as long as possible. I didn’t even know if that was possible—so far, every time we’d morphed it had been random and horrible. But if sheer desperation made any difference…
I could feel the inside of my body shifting and rearranging, feel the changes straining against the boundary of my skin as I fought to control them, to hold them back. The half-numb paralysis began to fade as my own stunned nerves were replaced by new ones, my frozen muscles disappearing as the elephant’s swelled in their places.
So far, I had managed to maintain my size and shape. I could feel the morphing tech resisting, growing sluggish as I pushed it further and further away from whatever default plan it wanted to follow. After thirty or forty seconds, it stopped entirely, unable to proceed in the face of my mental restrictions.
Just the right side, maybe. Where she can’t see.
Hardly daring to breathe, I slowly started morphing again, my half-human heart thudding in my chest as the fingers on my right hand shrank and my wrist thickened until it was as big around as a coffee cup. I felt my right foot grow snug inside my shoe, felt wiry hairs sprout across the whole right side of my body.
And still my mother said nothing. Just sat in unnatural silence. I wondered if the Yeerk was talking to her—if my mother was even awake, beneath the Yeerk’s infestation.
For a second time, the morphing process ground to a halt. I was now the circus freak of the century, half girl and half elephant, my smooth, dark skin transitioning to cracked gray along the line that ran from my nose to my navel.
I took a deep, quiet breath, the air moving strangely inside my patchwork lungs. If I was right, I could finish the morph in just a little over thirty seconds. And then—
What?
THEN what, Cassie?
Every choice was intolerable. I couldn’t hit my mother, couldn’t risk accidentally killing her. Couldn’t abandon her to the Yeerks. Couldn’t stay with her, to be captured and tortured. Couldn’t take her with me—if she had stunners, a radio, and over a dozen spare Yeerks, she was bound to have some kind of tracking device.
No matter what I chose, I’d be unable to live with myself.
Dad. You can still save Dad.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I focused once more.
I’m sorry, Mom.
The change in size was shockingly swift, as if the morphing technology were making up for lost time. There was an almost immediate tearing sound as my shoes and clothes were reduced to tatters, and a startled “What—” from my mother, followed by the sound of her door opening. Barely a second later, the car split open like a baked potato, the glass and metal slicing into my flesh as a ten-ton African bush elephant erupted from my thirteen-year-old frame.
“The girl!” I heard my mother shriek, as I rolled away from the wreckage and struggled to my feet, the last of my bones still stretching and grinding into place. “Cassie Withers, my host’s daughter! She just morphed into an elephant!”
There was a sound, a kind of TSSEWWWW, and pain like hot knives sliced across my legs, causing one of them to buckle underneath me. I screamed in pain, the sound coming out as a trumpeted shriek.
Holding my injured leg in the air, I limped clumsily in a circle, looking for my mother. She was about twenty feet away from the ruins of our car, a strange weapon in her outstretched hand. She was frozen in place, her entire body trembling, her expression flickering back and forth between rage and determination. She looked the same way Tobias had, when he’d been caught in Elfangor’s tractor beam—like some invisible force had rooted her to the spot.
It’s Mom, I realized, and the shock was so great that even in elephant form my jaw dropped. She’s fighting the Yeerk!
I didn’t think. Didn’t consider the consequences. I just acted, instinctively, making the only choice my conscience would allow. Stepping forward, I knocked the weapon out of her hand with my trunk and lifted her up into the air.
I was taking her with me. In three days, she’d be free.
I’d gone only a couple of steps, though, before I heard a familiar, electric sound, and suddenly my trunk went numb and limp, my mother’s body tumbling toward the asphalt below. She twisted in midair, trying to get her feet underneath her, and landed at an angle on one leg with a sickening crack.
<No!> I shouted, unable to stop myself. Even in the dim glow of the moonlight, I could see blood seeping through her khakis around the sharp, unnatural bend in the middle of her shin. I shook my massive head, hoping that the stunner had only delivered a momentary shock, but no—the trunk was paralyzed, every bit as useless as my human body had been.
My mother’s face contorted again as she and the Yeerk continued to battle behind her eyes. She’d gone past trembling and now looked like she was having a full-blown seizure.
“Cassie!” she screamed, her voice strained as if she were lifting a thousand pounds. “Run! Get Walter—aaaaaaaghhryour daughter is dead, fool! And you are next!”
I stood, still and horrified, as my mother suddenly stopped twitching, the tension draining from her body. “Finally,” she muttered, the word loud and clear in my elephant ears. She turned her eyes on me, and they blazed with an alien menace. “They always try. Sometimes they even succeed, for a time. But they all learn in the end.”
Pale and sweating, she pushed herself up to a sitting position. “So, Andalite,” she said, her voice dripping with hatred. “I see that Seerow’s work has continued. Morphing in mere seconds, and without returning to your true form in between. And after holding human form for an entire day! Visser Three will be exceptionally interested in learning how you accomplished that.”
I hardly dared to breathe. A moment before, I had been frozen with indecision, unable to force myself to abandon my mother in the middle of the street with a broken ankle and an alien wrapped around her brain. But now, I was just confused.
It still thought I was an Andalite?
“Impressive, that you found the zookeeper’s family so quickly. We were sure we had gotten to them first. Perhaps you landed before the battle? A reconnaissance mission, to infiltrate and observe? I wonder how many of you there are.”
Was it a trick? A lie, to keep me off balance until it could report back to—
Oh.
Of course.
It was already reporting back to the Yeerk command. It wasn’t just stalling—its communicator had been on the whole time. That’s why it was monologuing like some cheesy cartoon villain.
Which meant it probably really did think I was an Andalite.
“I congratulate you on your mimicry, by the way. As good as any Yeerk. I have looked back through my host’s memories, and she did not suspect a thing.”
Somewhere in the back of my head, Marco was laughing. It all made sense, as long as you started with all the wrong assumptions. I remembered Elfangor’s coldness, his arrogance, his reluctance. His willingness to slaughter us all, just to prevent us from becoming pawns in his war with the Yeerks.
Humanity wasn’t a player in this war. We were inventory. Cattle. Beneath consideration. If you saw a cow firing a rocket launcher, you wouldn’t think, Who gave that cow a rocket launcher? You’d think, How’d they make such a good cow costume?
A huge breakthrough in morphing technology was impossible. A human with the ability to morph was, to a Yeerk, inconceivable.
It was a miraculous, glorious, incredibly lucky mistake. And with a sinking feeling, I realized I knew exactly how to capitalize on it.
All I had to do was break my mother’s heart, and abandon her to her fate. Save myself, and walk away.
Not just yourself. You can still save Dad.
<Your host is as blind and stupid as the rest of her backward species,> I said, pouring as much contempt and derision into the words as I could. <We took her daughter weeks ago, and she never even noticed.>
I turned away from my home and began limping back the way we’d come as the Yeerk threw back my mother’s head and laughed.
* * *
Ten minutes in a car at fifty-five miles per hour meant my house was about nine miles away by road. It would take an elephant hours to cover that distance even without an injured leg. As soon as I had hobbled out of sight, I demorphed and remorphed.
The European great snipe can travel over four thousand miles nonstop, at an average speed of sixty miles per hour, crossing whole continents in days. And if I ignored the road and cut across the forest, I could be home in no time.
How long had I lingered with my mother? It had to have been at least a couple of minutes, plus three or four more in the car. Add in the time it had taken me to change form, and it had been over ten minutes since the Yeerk’s first request for backup. Maybe seven or eight since she’d reported my morphing.
I didn’t know how long it took the Yeerks to mobilize. If they’d gone straight for the house, I might already be too late. But there was a chance that my misdirection had worked—that they believed I’d gone the other way. A true Andalite would have no interest in the last member of the Withers family.
I rose into the air, my wings pumping seven times per second as I arrowed straight toward my house. I stayed low and close to the treetops, eyes alert for any sign of Bug fighters sliding across the field of stars.
If I’d had human eyes, I wouldn’t have been able to see through the tears. The words too soon, too soon kept running through my head, a ringtone on repeat.
Could I have saved my mother?
Probably not. But then, I hadn’t really even tried. The Yeerk had paralyzed my trunk, and I’d dropped her, and then I’d simply given up. Just like I’d given up in the car, when I’d refused to let myself consider running us off the road.
Because I was afraid. Because I wasn’t clever. Because I didn’t want to be clever—not if being clever meant being like Marco or Rachel. I didn’t want to have to choose between my father’s life and my mother’s, or between both their lives and my own. I didn’t want to be the sort of person who could calmly consider killing her own mother, even to save the whole planet.
Because that’s what I should have done, I knew. That’s what the Yeerks would have expected, what any real Andalite would have done. From their perspective, my mother was just another tool, and by leaving her behind, I’d missed my chance to deny the Yeerks an important resource.
I might have just blown our cover anyway.
But what was the point, if that was how we had to fight? What would we be saving, if we gave up our humanity to win? If we became cold and dark and unfeeling, just to survive?
I climbed a little higher in the sky, fighting for altitude in the cold, dead air. The lights of my house were just barely visible, maybe a couple of miles away. I couldn’t be sure, but there didn’t seem to be any unusual activity. No extra cars in the driveway, no spacecraft hovering overhead.
Wait.
I rose higher, angling for a true bird’s eye view.
There were no cars in the driveway at all. The harsh blue floodlights shone down on broken weeds and empty gravel.
I’d thought I was already flying as fast as possible, but somehow I managed an extra burst of effort, my muscles trembling as I pushed them to the limit. Dad was supposed to be home—he’d said he was staying home, all day, to keep an eye on the raccoon with the punctured lung, he wouldn’t have left except—
I staggered in midflight, my wings losing their rhythm, dropping twenty feet before I could recover.
He wouldn’t have left except for an emergency.
Like if Mom had called him to say that our car had been totaled on the way home.
I felt a scream start up in the back of my head, a long, wordless keen of anguish and dread. I’d left her there conscious, left her with her purse just a few feet away, with a cell phone and stunners and Yeerk reinforcements incoming—
I banked like a fighter jet, veering off course, turning back toward the winding road. Dad’s beat-up old pickup was twenty years old; it could barely go forty miles per hour.
How long? How long ago did she call him?
I could head straight for the road and be there in thirty seconds, a mile and a half from the house. Or I could head back to my mother, get there in maybe three minutes, nine miles from the house. Or anything in between. I couldn’t see the road itself from the air—the trees were too thick, the angle too shallow for headlights to shine through.
The scream in my head became an actual warbling cry, cutting the night air as I struck out for the middle, unable to decide. I tore across the sky, angling slightly downward for every last possible scrap of speed. <DAD!> I broadcast, just barely remembering to restrict my thoughts so that only he could hear. <DAD, STOP THE CAR! WHEREVER YOU ARE, STOP THE CAR NOW!>
Time seemed to slow as I raced toward the break in the forest, the distance stretching out in front of me. As I neared the road, I banked again, shooting past the treetops and zooming along the yellow lines like a missile, twice as fast as Peppermint had ever run.
Empty.
Empty.
Empty.
I tore around the curves, occasionally rising back over the treetops as I cut across the larger bends. I had hit the road about four miles away from where I’d left my mother, and now I was only two miles out.
Nothing.
I started to call out in thought-speak again, then realized with a shiver of fear just how deeply stupid I had been. If they’d already caught him, or if they caught him after he’d heard my desperate pleading—
Shut up and fly.
A mile and three quarters.
Nothing.
A mile and a half.
Nothing.
A mile and a quarter.
Nothing.
One mile away from where I had left my mother, the road curved into a long straightaway, and for a moment I thought I saw brakelights at the far end, disappearing around the next bend.
Please, I begged. I didn’t know if I was talking to God, or to the universe, or just to myself. I didn’t even have the words for what I wanted. Just please.
But the answer was no. As I came around the final turn and flitted up into the trees, I saw my father’s truck, parked at an angle next to an ambulance, a fire engine, and two police cars, the lights still on and the driver’s side door hanging open. My mother was on a stretcher, sitting upright as she talked to one of the police officers, and my father was on the ground, lying motionless as everyone else moved around him like he wasn’t even there. There was a streak of slime on the side of his face, leading to his ear, glimmering blue and red in the wild, flickering light of the police cars. After a minute, he twitched, then stood up and walked over to the wreck, where four firefighters were cutting my mother’s car into chunks with what looked like acetylene torches.
He didn’t even glance at my mother.
Too soon, too soon.
It was always going to be too soon.
I don’t know how I made it out of there. I don’t remember where I went. I must have demorphed and remorphed at least once, because it was almost three in the morning by the time I found myself fluttering onto a branch outside of Jake’s window.
<Cassie? Is that you?>
There was an owl perched on the ridge of the roof. I hadn’t even noticed it.
<Jake,> I thought. I didn’t have the strength to add any other words.
<Tobias, actually. Thank God—Jake’s been losing it. He’s been looking for you all night. We thought—when you didn’t come back to the barn, we weren’t—>
<The barn,> I interrupted. <You can’t—>
I broke off, unable to say it, to force my brain to put together the thought. I wished I didn’t have to put it together, that there were some way for Tobias to simply know. He should’ve known already—should have noticed that the world had stopped spinning.
<It’s my parents,> I said finally, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again. <They’ve been taken.>
Chapter 5: Tobias
Summary:
Tobias' upbringing and outlook put him at odds with the decisions of Jake, et al.
Notes:
This chapter marks the first appearance of the F-bomb. Having spent a full year as a thirteen-year-old, I would argue that it's still PG-13, but heads-up if you disagree.
It should be mentioned that characters who TRY to be rational don't always succeed, and even those who do can still sometimes reach the wrong conclusions. Mistakes are a part of the fabric of reality, and our dear r!Animorphs are still at the start of a steep learning curve.
Chapter Text
Chapter 05: Tobias
“This is my family.”
“I know that, okay? But Jake—look—listen—think it through, man. The Yeerks know that we know that they were coming after your family next. Don’t you think they’ll be a little suspicious, if all of a sudden the four of you just up and disappear? It’s not like Andalites would care one way or the other.”
I was forty feet up, perched in a tree, still in owl morph as I kept watch. The scene below was incredibly clear to my predator senses, as if it were lit up by spotlights and covered in microphones. I could see Jake, his jaw set, his eyes glinting in the light of the distant streetlamp. I could see Marco, whose tone was growing more and more brittle as the long night wore on. I could see Cassie, a short distance away, sobbing quietly into Rachel’s shoulder, and Rachel, whose face might as well have been carved from stone.
“Besides,” Marco continued, still whispering softly enough that the girls couldn’t hear. “From what Cassie said, it sounds like they only wanted you as cover for her. Since she’s—”
He broke off, glancing over his shoulder. “Since she’s dead, they might not even bother.”
The four of them were hunkered down in a tiny patch of woods in the space between two backyards, a few houses down from where Jake lived. They were shivering slightly in the cold, naked except for the towels and blankets that Jake had smuggled out of his house, their breath forming little puffs of mist.
“We are not,” Jake bit out, each word icy and sharp, “doing nothing.”
To me, his clenched fists were a beacon, plainly visible. To Marco, they probably just looked like shadows.
“Then what, Jake? What are we doing? Because we don’t even have a place to stash Cassie, let alone Tom and your parents. And unless you’re ready to spill the beans on all of it, how exactly do you propose to get them all to pack up and leave in the middle of the night?”
The day had started with Rachel crying, had turned into a frantic search that had Jake crying, had transitioned into Cassie crying, and now looked like it was headed for a fistfight between Jake and Marco.
At four in the goddamn morning.
<Just light it on fire,> I said wearily.
They both twitched, looking up in the wrong direction, and I rustled my wings to show my position. <I mean, if we just want to get them out of the house without saying anything.>
“You got a lighter, or are we rubbing two sticks together?” Marco shot back, no longer whispering. He turned back to Jake. “Listen, we can’t just—”
“Then we cause a distraction,” Jake said, cutting him off. “We go on the offensive. Turn up the heat so they don’t have time to worry about tying up loose ends.”
“How? The only Controllers we know by sight are Cassie’s parents. You want to turn up the heat on them?”
“There’s the firefighters,” Jake said stubbornly. “The cops. Probably the teachers and the principal, since Cassie’s mom said they aren’t allowed to be alone. Which means at least one other person at the Gardens, too.”
“Yeah, but which ones?”
“Cassie,” Rachel whispered urgently, as Jake and Marco continued to argue. I swiveled my head to look down at them. “Which breeds of dog might be able to sniff out a Yeerk?”
“—if we stake out the station—”
“We’ve got school tomorrow—”
“Mom said it was going to be cancelled, out of respect—”
I watched as Cassie sniffed, gulped, squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before answering in a shaky murmur. “German Shepherd. Labs. Spaniels. Vizslas. Border collies. Doesn’t matter, really—they’ve all been used in cancer research. I guess bloodhounds would be the best.”
“Guys,” Rachel called out, interrupting Marco mid-rant. “We could use a German Shepherd morph to sniff out Controllers.”
The boys fell silent. “Cassie,” Jake said, his voice suddenly soft and gentle. “Would that actually work?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Marco cut in. “We’d have to get close enough without raising suspicions, and that’s not going to happen now that the Yeerks are on alert.”
<Weren’t we trying to decide whether or not to save Jake’s family?> I asked.
“Actually, what we should be talking about is how to rescue Cassie’s family,” Rachel interjected.
“No, we should be talking about how to save the frigging planet,” Marco hissed. “Which is a much bigger deal than anyone’s family.”
Silence fell, and I found myself wishing I had hands to applaud with.
Up until two days ago, I’d never really paid any attention to Marco. He was just this wiseass kid that Jake liked to hang around with, the kind of guy who laughs at his own jokes and then acts like anyone who doesn’t laugh didn’t get it. I’d put up with him because he and Jake were a package deal, and Jake had seemed like the kind of guy you wanted on your side when social services dumped you into a new school in the middle of September.
Now, though, I was starting to see that Marco went a whole lot deeper than he let on. Yeah, he was just another spoiled suburban softie, but he got it, you know? He saw through the bullshit, understood how the world really worked. Drop Jake or Rachel or Cassie on the wrong side of the tracks, and they’d be conned, mugged, and left for dead before they ever figured out the grownups weren’t coming to save them. Jake and Rachel and Cassie still thought rules were a thing.
Marco, though—Marco knew the score. Which was pretty much the only reason I hadn’t taken off already. Spend enough time out on your own, and you learn pretty quick that some kinds of friends are worse than no friends at all.
<Can we at least agree that keeping us out of the Yeerks’ hands is the most important thing right now?> I asked. <I mean, if it comes down to a choice between you and your parents—>
“Our parents are a part of staying out of the Yeerks’ hands,” Jake said flatly. “If they get taken, we either get captured along with them, or we get exposed. We’re on thin ice with Cassie as it is, and there’s no guarantee they aren’t just playing along for some reason or other. We need to decide what we’re doing about this yesterday.” He took a deep breath and crossed his arms. “Options. Everybody.”
“Recruit,” Rachel answered immediately. “We have the cube. Give them the power, and they’re that much better able to protect themselves.”
“They’re not Yeerk-proof, though,” Marco pointed out. “Even one of them goes down, and it’s all over. Better to just get them out of Dodge—there’s only one Yeerk pool, and it’s here. Anything outside the county is probably safe for the next few months.”
“Yeah, but what could we possibly tell them to convince them to get up and go?” Jake asked. “Even if we told them the truth, what’s stopping them from just deciding they know better than us? Telling the cops, or going public?”
“Maybe we should go public,” Rachel said. “I mean, if the Yeerks want this invasion to stay secret, then we don’t—right?”
<Unless it’s like, they’re being secret because they want seven billion hosts, and they know an all-out war would end up killing half the planet,> I put in. <But maybe they’d still rather have three billion than walk away empty-handed. We go public, we could kick off the apocalypse.>
“Or just get laughed at, more likely,” Marco muttered. “So far, it looks like they’re doing this thing smart, and if they’ve already got the police, then they’ve probably got the media, too.” He scrubbed at his eyes. “Then again, they’re here picking up zookeepers instead of in Washington nabbing Senators, so maybe they’re not that smart.”
“Actually,” Jake put in, “there’s a problem there. Why did they take Cassie’s mother in the first place?”
<It makes sense, doesn’t it?> I answered. <I mean, the Gardens is the obvious place to pick up new morphs.>
“Yeah, but why would they be worried about Andalite bandits at all? From the way Elfangor was talking, the Yeerks won the space battle hands-down. And it’s not like we’ve done anything to get on their radar.”
<Maybe they’re just paranoid?>
“Or maybe,” Marco said, his voice suddenly taut, “maybe there are Andalite bandits. I mean, something stirred them up, right? We already know Elfangor’s brother is out there somewhere. What if another ship made it through? We could have allies down here.”
I heard Rachel suck in a breath, felt the owl’s feathers fluff and stand on end. That would change everything—
“No,” Cassie said, speaking up for the first time. Her voice was a hoarse croak, and she bit her lip as Jake and Marco turned to look at her. “Not allies. They’re fighting to beat the Yeerks. We’re fighting to save Earth. That’s—those are two different things.”
She lapsed back into silence, and a grim silence followed as we all worked through the ramifications. I found myself remembering Elfangor’s cold assessment of the situation, his solemn declaration. You are the wave they will ride as they sweep the galaxy clean of all who oppose them.
Maybe we should kick off an all-out war. Maybe a few billion dead humans was exactly what the galaxy needed.
I looked down at the others again. Cassie, returned to her quiet weeping, and Jake, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. Marco, his frustration written in the set of his shoulders and the thin line of his lips. Rachel, uncharacteristically silent. All of them shaken, on the verge of falling apart, and Cassie’s parents weren’t even dead.
I shook my head, fighting to think through the haze of sleep deprivation. The sun would be up in two hours. There were only two possibilities—either the Yeerks were already closing in, or they weren’t even coming. And in either case, this?
This wasn’t helping.
The little voice in the back of my head—the one that told me when to move my money out of my wallet and into my sock, the one that knew exactly which couples wanted an orphan for all the wrong reasons, the one that had first told me to make friends with Jake—that voice had been getting louder and louder as the day wore on.
These people are a mess.
You don’t owe them anything.
They’re not going to make it, and they’re going to drag you down with them.
Get out while you still can.
I looked through the trees, through the dark windows of the nearest house, to the clock on the microwave in the distant kitchen. I had forty minutes left in morph.
<Look,> I said, breaking the silence. <I know I’m not exactly qualified to have an opinion, here. I don’t have parents or brothers or sisters to worry about. So stop me if I’m being rude.>
I paused, but they just looked up at me, shoulders slumped and faces drawn. <But Cassie’s parents—they’re safe now, aren’t they? I mean, I know being Controlled can’t be fun, but—the Gardens—they’re important people—the Yeerks are going to protect them, keep them alive. And as long as they’re alive, there’s hope, right?>
“Tell that to the Chapmans,” Marco growled.
Rachel winced as if punched, and I hastened to clarify. <I’m just saying, it’s just a matter of time, isn’t it? I mean, one way or another, they’re going to come after your families. Doesn’t even have to be personal. They’re coming after everybody. So you might as well decide right now, right? Either get them out now—tonight—or go ahead and accept that it’s going to happen, and let it.>
“There’s still that little problem of what happens when they send a squad out to pick up Tom and Jake and Mr. and Mrs. Berenson, and they come back with just Tom and the grownups and a story about Jake turning into a pigeon and flying away,” Marco said dryly.
<Only if there are four people in the house when the Yeerks come calling,> I pointed out. <If you can’t think of a way to get them out, why not get you guys out? Fake your deaths, or run away, or whatever? The Yeerks show up a month from now, and there’s no link.>
“There’s still a link,” Jake said. “Even if we assume they bought Cassie’s story, they have to be suspicious. If all of her friends start disappearing, one by one…”
<So don’t start with her friends. Start by disappearing some other kids, somebody completely unconnected. You guys could be, like, three, five, seven, and nine out of ten.>
“Aaaand we’re back to recruiting,” said Marco.
<You’ve got to do something,> I snapped. <Sitting here in the woods bickering until the Yeerks show up is not a plan.>
“Fine,” Jake said. He stopped pacing and folded his arms. “We vote.”
“I thought that wasn’t—”
“We vote first, then argue about whether or not this should be decided by a vote. A, we get all our families out, tonight, and start working on a plan to rescue Cassie’s parents. B, we start figuring out how to get ourselves out. C, we try to figure out a strategy for staying in place.” He paused. “Anybody care to speak up first?”
No one spoke. “Fine,” he repeated. “I vote A.”
<B,> I countered.
Marco and Rachel turned to look toward each other in the darkness. Seconds ticked by, each one adding to my mounting frustration. It had been two days and seven hours since Elfangor told us there were a thousand Controllers already. How much had that number grown since then? How much had it grown while we’d been sitting here dithering?
You’re wasting time, the little voice said. This family bullshit isn’t your problem.
Rachel spoke first. “B,” she said, her tone reluctant.
No one but me could see Marco’s raised eyebrow, but the silence implied it well enough, and she continued, looking anywhere but down at Cassie. “I can’t—I mean, I don’t want to—to abandon my family. But we need room to maneuver. We need time to think. And we shouldn’t—we can’t put anyone else in the line of fire. Not unless they know what’s going on, and—and can protect themselves. If we stay, then our parents, my sisters, Tom—if the Yeerks figure us out and come in guns blazing, they’ll—”
She stopped, took a deep breath, composed herself and continued. “We get clear now,” she said, “we can build up an army and when we come back, we’ll have help, we can get all of them out.”
Marco shook his head. “The problem is, these are all terrible choices,” he muttered. “C is just obviously wishful thinking at this point. Like Tobias said, they’re coming, sooner or later. As for A versus B…” He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out with a sigh. “It’s got to be A. Four families moving out of the county is going to be a lot less suspicious than four kids going missing.”
“Three families,” Jake corrected softly, and Marco winced.
I could feel my shoulders hunching, my wings lifting up behind me in an involuntary response to the tension and stress I was dumping into the owl’s brain. I had thirty-six minutes left in morph, and maybe thirty-six seconds of patience remaining.
“Cassie?” Jake asked, his voice still soft.
Cassie said nothing—only shook her head, almost invisible against the dark blue of the blanket Rachel was wearing. “She’s not voting,” Rachel translated.
Jake raised a hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “So we’ve got a tie, then,” he said wearily.
Fuck this. They want to get completely paralyzed over, like, seven people while the world ends, that’s their business.
<No, you don’t,> I said aloud, spreading my wings to their full length and testing the cold night air. <I’m changing my vote.>
“To what?”
<To nothing.>
And with that, I leapt out of the tree and winged my way up into the sky.
* * *
I gave the tiny mouse an extra squeeze with my talon, feeling the bones in its hips pop out of joint. Its squeaks were pitifully loud in the owl’s ears, and I felt more than a little guilt as I held it down with one wing and began to demorph. This didn’t, strictly speaking, have anything to do with saving the world…
A minute and a half later, I was standing naked in the parking lot of the rundown thrift shop, shivering in the early morning cold as I acquired the mouse that lay dying in my hand. Trying to look in all directions at once, I strode across the rough asphalt toward the side entrance.
It took another five minutes and a brief stint as a mouse, but soon enough I was inside, thumbing through the racks of clothes in the dark and wishing that I still had owl’s eyes. Foregoing the secondhand underwear, I threw together what felt like a sane outfit, grabbed some shoes and a watch off the shelf, and left through the front door, ignoring the wail of the alarm as I started to jog down the street.
I was definitely going to have to do something about the whole clothes problem.
As I jogged, I focused on Marco, on the DNA I had acquired what felt like weeks ago. As before, there was a feeling of vertigo as my head eased closer to the ground, and a blurring of my vision as my eyes were replaced with Marco’s slightly nearsighted ones. The shrinking was followed by a kind of tugging sensation as my hair shriveled and stiffened, going from near-shoulder-length to only a couple of inches long.
There was also—though I hadn’t mentioned this to Marco—a very uncomfortable sort of tightening sensation in my groin. My parents had decided not to have me circumcised when I was born. Marco’s had apparently had different feelings on the matter.
I didn’t quite know what to make of that. Clearly, the morphing technology took more than just a DNA sample. There had to be some kind of scanning going on during the acquiring process, or else all kinds of things would have been different—I’d read, for instance, that height had almost as much to do with hormones and nutrition as it did with actual genes.
But the owl I’d acquired had only had one eye, and I’d definitely had two when I morphed it. The same went for Marco’s osprey, which had been nursing a broken wing. What was the difference between that and a little scar tissue? It couldn’t be based on expectation—I’d had zero opinions on the issue of Marco’s foreskin until after the morph had finished.
Just put it on the list.
Along with what a Yeerk pool was, which teachers were Controllers, and how long it would be before the air on Elfangor’s brother’s ship ran out.
The morph complete, I slowed and stopped, putting the size eightish shoes on my now-size-eightish feet. I walked for another ten minutes as my sweat cooled and vanished, until the squat brick structure of the Oak Landing Home for Children came into view.
My home, for the last five years.
I checked my stolen watch, the screen glowing faintly green in the darkness. It was 4:45, the sky still black, the streets empty. I walked down the sidewalk like I had nothing to hide, turning into the parking lot and striding past the low, barred windows until I reached the one that looked in onto my room. My old room, now.
I didn’t bother trying to peer inside. It was pitch black, after all, and besides, I knew every inch of it. The four double-decker bunks, two to each wall, with trunks between them and a worn, splintering wooden floor covered in a threadbare gray rug. The peeling paint, broken only by the single mirror and the one old poster for the original release of Star Wars. The eight sets of thin blankets, the eight flat pillows, and the seven sleeping boys, three of them snoring like chainsaws.
I crouched down, reaching for the strangely-too-close ground, turning to sit with my back against the rough brick, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of movement in the grounds around me. I’d never really been afraid of the dark before, but I’d also never really believed in monsters before, either.
Things change.
<Garrett,> I called out silently, keeping the beam of my thoughts tightly focused. <Garrett, wake up. Wake up and come to the window.>
Jake, Rachel, Marco—they had families. Marco’s dad, Rachel’s mom. Rachel’s sisters, and Jake’s brother Tom. People they loved for no reason at all except habit. People who loved them back.
<Garrett, wake up. This isn’t a dream. Wake up and come tap on the glass.>
I didn’t have a family. I didn’t even, properly speaking, have friends. It’s hard to make connections when you’re in a different school every year, when the guys in your room are all different ages and they’re in and out of foster care and you only have a month or two to get to know most of them and the ones you know for longer are assholes anyway because the good kids don’t tend to come back.
<Garrett, it’s Tobias. I’m outside—you can hear me, but I can’t hear you. Get up and tap on the window so I know you’re awake.>
What I did have was Garrett. Garrett, and a promise we’d made to each other, almost two years before, cutting our palms with a shard of glass from a broken bottle and clasping hands while the blood dripped down our wrists. We’d both been put on room restriction for that—half the summer had gone by before they let us out for free play again.
<Garrett, wake up, buddy. It’s Tobias. I’m—>
Tap.
I sucked in a breath. This was it—the point of no return. At this exact moment, there was a grand total total of five people on the entire planet who were in a position to make a stand against the Yeerks. If I said one more word, then one way or another, Garrett was going to be involved. Was going to be vulnerable, hunted, a conscript in a very small and ill-prepared army.
But he’s vulnerable already. He just doesn’t know it yet.
<Hi, buddy. It’s me. Tobias.>
Tap.
<I’m—um. I’m outside. I’m speaking to you telepathically. And no, I can’t hear what you’re thinking.>
Tap tap.
<Yeah, I don’t know what that means. Look, do you think you can get out without waking anybody up? I’ll explain everything once you’re out here.>
Tap.
<Okay. Good. And—um. You remember our pact, right? That if either one of us ever figured out a way out of—>
TAP.
<Careful, quiet! Okay. Right. Listen, you should—you should grab your bag. And anything else you want to keep, because—>
Tap. Tap tap tap tap tap.
<Yeah. I don’t think we’re going to be coming back.>
* * *
I stared down at the tiny, crumpled note, easily readable in the predawn light. A mess of conflicting emotions swarmed into my brain—suspicion, anger, embarrassment, astonishment, frustration, shame. “Jake,” I called out, loud enough to be heard from any of the nearby cavernous structures. “You just stay put until I’m done here.”
“Who’s Jake?” Garrett asked.
We were standing in the middle of the construction site, not far from the spot where Elfangor’s ship had landed. Beside us was a low, half-finished foundation, filled with hard-packed earth. I had pulled aside a dozen or so of the loose cinderblocks, revealing the dark hole in which Jake had stashed the Iscafil device.
“You’ll find out in a minute,” I said darkly, letting the scrap of paper fall to the ground as I hefted the alien cube. “This first.”
Garrett eyed the blue box warily, very obviously standing just out of arm’s reach. “You lied,” he said, a tremor in his voice.
“What?”
“You said you’d explain everything once I came outside.”
“I did. I mean, okay, I haven’t told you the second half yet, but I explained this part.”
“No, you didn’t. You said ‘Andalite’ and ‘morphing power’ like those were answers. What’s going to happen to me if I touch that thing?”
“It’s not going to hurt you.”
“How do you know?”
“It didn’t hurt me.”
“Neither do shrimp, but if I eat one, I die.”
I gritted my teeth, suppressing the urge to snap. For one, that sort of thing never worked with Garrett, and for another, he had a point. I’d seen the morphing cube work on exactly five people. That could mean it was completely safe, or it could mean it killed half the people who used it, and we’d just gotten lucky. Elfangor hadn’t mentioned it being dangerous, but something told me the Andalites hadn’t done a whole lot of beta testing on humans.
I dropped down onto one knee, putting my head just below Garrett’s chin. “You’re right,” I said quietly, forcing calm into my voice. “I don’t really know what’ll happen to you. I don’t really know what happened to me. It’s alien technology, and I probably wouldn’t understand it even if Elfangor had explained it for hours. But it didn’t hurt me, and it didn’t hurt the other people I was with, and you saw that it works. Think about it, buddy. Any animal in the world. Any person in the world. You’ll be able to go anywhere, do anything. You won’t ever have to go back to Oak Landing again.”
“Any animal I can touch. For two hours at a time. Two minutes to change. Back to me in between.”
I nodded. “Yep. Those are the rules.”
<Actually, there’s one more rule.>
I stiffened and stood, turning to scan the skeletal buildings around me. “Jake,” I warned. “Let me handle this.”
<Sorry,> Jake replied, and something in his tone told me that he had switched to private thought-speak. <Your family is your business, but the cube belongs to all of us. I’m coming out. I’m in Andalite morph—warn the kid.>
“Who’s Jake?” Garrett asked again.
“A friend,” I said reluctantly. I looked down at the note lying in the dirt, written in Jake’s neat, careful handwriting.
TOBIAS—
Figured you’d come back for the cube. Notice how I DIDN’T take it away and hide it. That’s a peace offering. I’m alone…can we talk? —Jake
“Brace yourself,” I muttered. “You’re about to find out what an Andalite looks like.”
There was a soft crumbling sound from one of the concrete structures, the crunch of hooves on gravel. A shadow took shape in one of the open doorways, and I heard Garrett gasp as it stepped out into the gray morning light.
I hadn’t really registered it the first time, on board Elfangor’s ship. And there had been too many things on my mind the second time, in Cassie’s barn. But now, watching the lithe blue shape emerge from the darkness of the half-finished building, I couldn’t deny it.
Andalites were terrifying.
It was like a centaur, if centaurs had been half-scorpion instead of half-horse. The body, low and wide, rippling with muscles under the short fur. The legs, short and side-cocked, their every motion unnervingly fast, like a movie with dropped frames. The torso, held parallel with the ground, the arms waving like feelers over the dirt, ready to act as a third pair of legs if necessary. The eyes, one pair pointing forward and down, the other mounted on stalks, swiveling constantly.
And of course, the tail.
It had to be almost ten feet long, a smooth, tapering whip of pure muscle, capped by a reaper’s scythe of dense bone. It hovered and dipped and darted in a strangely hypnotic dance, as if following the flight of a drunken mosquito. Beside me, Garrett squeaked and then disappeared over the wall of another low foundation, peering out over the cinderblocks with only his eyes and forehead visible.
“Jake, meet Garrett,” I grumbled. “Garrett, this is Jake. He usually doesn’t look like this.”
<Hi, Garrett,> Jake said, coming to a stop and rearing so that his torso stood more or less upright.
“You’re a human?” Garrett asked, his voice shaky. “You’re morphed?”
<Yeah. This is Elfangor’s body. He let us acquire him before he died.>
“Turn back into a person, please.”
Jake gave no response, but the fur covering his body immediately began to shrink, the hairs thinning away to reveal pinkening skin beneath. Garrett watched with wide eyes as Jake’s tail and back legs disappeared, as the smooth curve at the end of his torso reformed into head and neck and shoulders. A minute and a half passed, and the Andalite was gone, leaving a thirteen-year-old human boy standing in its place.
I noticed with begrudging respect that Jake made no attempt to cover up, showed no sign of shivering as he stood naked and barefoot in front of us, his hands clasped behind his back. His expression was calm and composed, his eyes sharp and commanding. It was the same look he’d given the three bullies who had me cornered, on the day we’d first met—a look that said you had two options, and only one of them was going to work.
He turned to me. “We ended up compromising,” he said. “Marco’s getting his dad out. Rachel and I are going to stay on alert for a couple of days. If they come for us, or for any of our family members, we bail. If they don’t, we start working on plans to extract everybody. Cassie’s on her way up into the mountains already with some spare camping gear Marco had lying around.”
“None of that is my problem,” I said bluntly.
Jake nodded. “I know. I get it. I got it back in the woods, when you stopped saying ‘we’ and started saying ‘you.’” He turned to look at Garrett, who was still standing behind the low cinderblock wall. “Did Tobias tell you about the Yeerks yet?” he asked.
“After,” I said, before Garrett could answer. “Two separate choices. He gets the morphing power either way.”
Jake shook his head. “No. I mean, okay, yes, fine, you get to make your own call on that, I’m not the boss of you and we both know how to blow up the cube, so there’s no point in giving you orders you’re just going to ignore. But if he’s not in, then he has to be out—all the way out, like out of the state, where he’s not going to leave us vulnerable.” He fixed me with a steady gaze. “Same goes for you.”
“You don’t get to make up rules,” I snapped.
“That’s not a rule, it’s common sense,” he answered mildly. “And don’t act like it isn’t just because you’re pissed off. We’re still on the same side, here.” His gaze flickered over to Garrett before returning to me. “It also seems like common sense to say that recruiting ten-year-olds is a bad idea, and to point out that this little kid could be a Controller, and to find out just what the hell you think you’re doing right now, but the sun’s about to come up and I haven’t slept all night and I’m just going to go ahead and ask you to look me in the eye and tell me why this isn’t insane.”
“I turn twelve in three months and eight days,” Garrett remarked.
“My bad,” Jake said, his eyes still on me. We stared at one another for a long, tense moment.
You are still on the same side, the little voice in the back of my head whispered. And he didn’t take the cube away. That should count for something.
“I’m going after Elfangor’s brother,” I said finally.
Jake’s eyes widened in surprise, and I continued. “He’s been out there for almost three days. He could be dying, and the rest of you are just—sitting around. I’m going to find him, and I’m going to rescue him if I can. He might have intel. Weapons. Alien morphs, maybe. Stuff we can use. And even if he doesn’t—we’re the only ones who can save him.”
The surprise had faded, and Jake’s expression was now carefully, deliberately neutral. “Marco still thinks there might be actual Andalite bandits out there,” he said.
I shrugged. “So maybe I get there and he’s already gone. It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”
“And Garrett?”
“I trust him,” I said simply. Jake could draw whatever conclusions he wanted out of that statement.
“He’s eleven.”
“I trust him,” I repeated. “And I need somebody to watch my back.”
Jake turned to look at Garrett, who had climbed up onto the wall and was now sitting there, watching us wordlessly. “A thousand Controllers,” he said softly.
“You see any Bug fighters?” I countered. “Besides, the odds are only going to get worse. Now’s the time to take that risk.”
Jake shook his head. “Too much risk. There has to be a way to be sure. If you wait three days, maybe.”
“Look, if we don’t get moving, the Yeerks are going to win by default.”
He looked me straight in the eye. “So it’s ‘we’ again?”
I didn’t answer. Just looked down at the cube in my hands, remembered watching each of the others shiver as the morphing technology took hold.
“Yeerks are—aliens?” Garrett broke in hesitantly. “Bad ones?”
Jake gave me a look that said you want to tell him, or should I?
“They’re bodysnatchers,” I explained. “Little slugs that crawl into your ear and take over your brain. Once they’re inside you, they know everything you know, and they run your body like it’s a remote control car.”
Garrett’s eyes widened slightly.
“They’ve taken maybe a thousand people already,” Jake said. “Cops, firefighters, EMTs. Some of the teachers at our school. The mom and dad of a friend of mine. They’re trying to take over the whole planet. They want to turn each and every one of us into a slave.”
“Why?” Garrett asked.
Jake and I exchanged glances again.
“To use us as weapons to take over the rest of the galaxy,” Jake answered.
“Why, though? What’s the point? Like, what do they want in the end?”
I blinked. None of us had really stopped to ask that question yet. “Um. I guess because—I mean, they’re just slugs, right? They can’t see or hear or—or do anything, really. Not unless they have a host body to control.”
Jake gave a low, quiet whistle, and I couldn’t help wincing a little myself. When you put it that way, suddenly the whole thing felt a lot less black and white...
Except that every “free” Yeerk means another trapped human. No middle ground. It’s literally us or them.
Garrett’s head was tilted to one side, his expression thoughtful. “Once they’re in, can you get them back out again?”
“We think so,” Jake said. “Haven’t actually tried, though.”
“Can they take over animals?”
“We don’t know.”
I glanced at the horizon, growing brighter as the sun began to rise behind the clouds. “We need to get out of here soon,” I interrupted, holding up the cube. “Jake?”
He raised his eyebrows. “If I tell you not to do this, will you listen?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking?”
“Because you might say yes.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “Elfangor gave us morphing so we could fight the Yeerks. As far as I’m concerned, that’s what it’s for. You already put the whole human race on the line just by talking to this kid. If you use the cube on him, and the Yeerks take him—”
He broke off, shaking his head. “There’s not a lot of ways this can play out, Tobias. You just spent a bunch of points you don’t really have. Ask me what Marco would say we need to do about you.”
I’ll admit it—that one gave me a little chill. “We’re still on the same side.”
“Are we?”
“I’m trying to get something done here.”
“By cutting us down from five to four, and bringing in a stranger without any input from the rest of us.”
“We’re all strangers, Jake. Rachel, Marco, Cassie—I don’t know those people. I barely even know you. You’re a nice guy, and all, but—I don’t trust you with my life. I can’t. You’re not—hard enough. You guys keep acting like we’ve got time to waste, like there’s somebody going to show up and save us.”
“Elfangor showed up.”
“Exactly! That was our miracle! We’re not going to get another one.”
Jake sighed. “Yesterday—” He broke off, looking at the sky, and started again. “Two days ago, you chose me as your leader.”
“That was before you fucking fell apart when Cassie went missing.”
He stiffened, his eyes glittering, and I felt my shoulders tense. For a long moment, neither of us said anything.
“Fair,” he growled. “I’m not as jaded and cold as Tobias the street-smart tough guy. I lost it, a little. Lesson learned. But you don’t see Tom anywhere around here, do you?”
I shrugged. “I need somebody to watch my back,” I repeated.
“Somebody who’s not one of us. Somebody you trust.”
I didn’t respond.
“Cuts both ways, doesn’t it?” he asked.
I still didn’t answer. Just watched as he gnawed at his lip, looked at me, looked at Garrett, looked around at the empty, skeletal ruins of the construction site. As he shifted back and forth, and shivered.
Once.
“Garrett,” he said abruptly. “You take orders from Tobias?”
“No.” Garrett’s eyes were wide, and they didn’t quite meet ours, shifting back and forth between my forehead and Jake’s. “But I listen to him.”
Jake turned his gaze back to me. “Tell him.”
I grimaced. “Garrett,” I said tightly. “If you take the morphing power, you either have to come with me, or you have to go away. Far away, like England or Canada, and never come back. Because if you come back, they might catch you, and if they catch you they’ll catch us all.”
“That’s a rule?”
“That’s a rule.”
“Not quite,” Jake cut in. “There’s a third option. You can come back and stay with us. With me and the rest of my group. But if you do that, you have to follow our rules.”
Garrett nodded silently.
“As for you, Tobias,” Jake said, crossing his arms. “I’m sending you on a mission. Go find Elfangor’s brother. Bring him back if you can, or at least find out what happened to him. And if you need somebody to watch your back, you can use the morphing cube—once.” He looked Garrett up and down, his gaze measured and calculating. “But it has to be somebody who’s worth the risk. Not just somebody you like or care about. Somebody we can trust.”
I bit back a bitter laugh. “That’s how we’re going to play this, then?”
Jake didn’t flinch. “That’s how I’m going to play this,” he said. “You can do whatever you want. But I don’t exactly see how us being enemies helps anybody but the Yeerks. Maybe next time you’ll think about that before writing the rest of us off.”
And with that, he turned and strode away, feathers sprouting from his skin as he disappeared among the dark, looming structures.
* * *
<Something’s wrong,> Garrett said.
<You’re just not used to it yet,> I answered. <Try to relax, let the bird do the flying.>
We were both in hawk morph, floating above one of the parks on the edge of the city. Our clothes—and Garrett’s bag—were stashed high in the gnarled oak tree where we had morphed, hidden from the ground by the thick, leafy branches.
I had gone first so that Garrett could acquire from me, then demorphed again to hold him steady in the tree as he attempted his first transformation. It had gone without a hitch, and he’d immediately taken to the air, his delighted laughter filling my head.
Now, though, I could see him struggling, the rhythm of his wingbeats erratic as he fought to maintain altitude.
<Relax!> I called out again. <Don’t try to take control yourself!>
<I’m not!> he answered, panic creeping into his words as they played through my thoughts. <Total autopilot, I swear!>
He began to twitch as I closed the gap between us, his muscles spasming as if he were having a seizure. <Never mind,> I shouted, <take control! Take control!>
<It’s not working!>
Suddenly, his wings folded and he tumbled, plummeting toward the ground three hundred feet below. <AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!>
<Hang on!>
I tucked my own wings and dove, raking my talons forward. We collided a second or two later, my claws digging into his flesh, his actual scream cutting through the air as his mental one filled my head.
I flapped furiously, struggling to slow our descent, his own out-of-control wings buffeting me as we curved toward the ground. <Hang on!> I shouted again. <This is going to—>
CRUNCH.
I let go just as we slammed into the earth, both of us rolling, a mass of dust and feathers. I’d only managed to slow us to maybe twenty miles per hour, and even the lightweight hawk body was stunned by the impact. A sharp pain shot up my right wing, and I let out an involuntary cry as I struggled back to my feet.
<Garrett!> I called out. <You okay?>
<No flying,> he moaned, his body still twitching in the dirt, tiny droplets of blood leaking through his feathers where I’d grabbed him. <No flying, no flying, no flying.>
<Are you okay?> I asked again. I scanned the park around us. It was still early, maybe a quarter to seven, and as far as I could tell, no one had witnessed our wild tumble. There were a few bushes about fifty feet away where we would be able to demorph and remorph, restoring our hawk bodies to full health.
Except that whatever was wrong with Garrett’s would still be wrong, since the morphed body was identical every time.
<No. Flying.>
I shuffled closer, holding my one unbroken wing out for balance. <Did you break anyth—>
I stopped mid-thought, looking down at his crumpled body in shock.
No way.
Slowly, carefully, I extended my healthy wing again, watching as the muscles in Garrett’s own wing twitched in response. I flapped once.
Twitch.
Twice.
Twitch, twitch.
I hopped backwards, fluttering, watching as a series of tiny spasms rippled across his body. The second I stopped moving, they ceased.
Holy shit.
<Garrett,> I said. <Can you fly?>
<NO FLYING.>
<You’ve either got to fly or you’ve got to climb the tree naked,> I said.
<Naked. No more flying. Never again.>
<Fine, no flying. Can you stand?>
I held still as he rolled over, coming to his feet. <Yes,> he answered.
<The bushes, over there. You can demorph and make a run for it.>
<What about you?>
<I’ll wait here until you’re demorphed. I think I’m—I think there’s some kind of interference between us, from both using the same body at the same time. Every time I move, you twitch.> I extended my wing and flapped it once to demonstrate.
<Don’t,> Garrett said flatly. <Bushes. Morph. Tree. Got it.>
I waited until Garrett streaked past me before heading toward the bushes myself. It was a slow, agonizing process, my dead wing dragging behind me, sending shooting pains up through my shoulder. By the time I reached cover and demorphed, Garrett had reappeared, carrying his bag and my stolen clothes.
We left the park on foot, Garrett still visibly shaken. “Didn’t you guys test that?” he asked, as we passed through the gate and headed down the street.
“Just for a minute,” I admitted, embarrassed. “We checked to see if Marco could morph Dude. But he demorphed as soon as we saw that it worked, so we didn’t have time to notice.”
“Never flying. Never ever flying again.”
“Oh, come on,” I chided. “It worked fine until I got up there, too.”
Though that did throw a wrench into the works. I had borrowed a fast-flying morph from Cassie, one that could theoretically make it out to Elfangor’s brother in just two or three days. But it had come from the Gardens, and if Garrett and I couldn’t share it, we were going to need a new plan.
“Where are we going?” Garrett asked, as we turned a corner and entered one of the nicer suburban neighborhoods.
“Marco’s house,” I said. “We need to warn the others about the resonance. And he’s the closest to the beach.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because Elfangor’s brother is somewhere in between Hawaii and Russia.”
“We’re leaving now?”
“He’s been out there for three days already. We don’t have any time to waste. And if anybody does decide to notice that we’re gone, it’d be better not to be here.”
“How are we going to get to him?”
“Don’t know yet. Let me know if you come up with any ideas.”
Another quick morph, a brief thought-speak conversation, and we were on our way once more. Traffic was picking up as the Monday rush hour began, and the driveways and street corners began to fill up with kids waiting for their school buses. We moved off of the main roads and began cutting through parks and backyards, avoiding the places where truant officers were likely to look. It was quiet and calm, the morning sun breaking through the clouds and warming our backs as we went.
“We’re going to have to stash my bag somewhere,” Garrett said, after a long silence.
“We’ll find a place,” I assured him. We climbed over a fence and crossed the railroad tracks, the smell of salt strengthening as we got closer to the ocean.
“Tobias?” Garrett asked quietly, his voice barely audible over the crunch of our footsteps.
“Yeah?”
“Why me?”
“What?”
“I mean—why not Louis, or Fletcher, or Johnny. They’re—you know. Older. Smarter. Braver.”
The last word was almost a whisper, as if Garrett wasn’t quite sure he wanted me to hear it. I was silent for a while, considering my answer as we cut through a small patch of woods. “We made a promise,” I said finally, looking over at the younger boy.
Garrett didn’t look up. His brow was furrowed as he stared down at the ground, placing each step with careful precision. Another minute went by before he spoke again.
“I didn’t think you were coming back,” he said. “When you didn’t come home Friday, and then you didn’t come home Saturday either. Xander took your bunk last night. We all thought you’d just—gotten out.”
“We made a promise,” I repeated.
“I’m just saying. If you’d broken it. If you hadn’t come back. You could’ve—I wouldn’t’ve blamed you.”
I stopped. After a few more steps, Garrett did, too.
I felt a kind of cold anger coming over me, the product of almost eight years of orphanages and foster homes and shitty roommates and grownups who weren’t doing their jobs. Of swirlies and meatloaf and secondhand shoes, flat pillows and no money and no one, no one, no one you could really count on, all of it flashed into my head, crystallizing into a single, sharp icicle of bitter resentment. “Fuck that,” I said, reaching out and grabbing Garrett by the shoulder, spinning him around to face me. He twitched uncomfortably out of my grasp, but I stayed close, almost nose to nose, looking straight into his eyes as they stared resolutely at my chin.
“You damn well better blame me, if I ever pull some bullshit like that,” I hissed. “You’d better be fucking furious. Don’t you ever try to play like it’s okay for people to just blow you off, like—like you’re nothing, like you don’t count.”
“Everybody bails eventually,” he said softly.
“No,” I shot back. I held up my hand, the scar from our pact almost invisible among the lines of my palm. “Most people bail. Most people don’t know what the fuck a promise is. But that’s their problem, not yours.”
I turned and started walking again, holding my breath until I heard the rustle of Garrett’s footsteps behind me. We went on in silence for another handful of minutes, as the ground flattened out and the gentle crash of waves became audible over the breeze.
“I’m scared,” he said finally.
“Me, too,” I replied, looking back over my shoulder. “You don’t have to come, you know.”
“I thought you needed somebody to watch your back.”
“I do. And—look, I want your help, okay? You’re not—you know how to take care of yourself, and you’re somebody I can trust. Nobody else I know is on both lists. But I didn’t get you out just so I could boss you around. You want out, just go. Jake’s a decent guy, he’ll look out for you. Or go to Canada. You can morph, so you’ll be able to get food and stuff. You’ll be safe there as long as anybody.”
Garrett was quiet for another long minute. “It’s really happening?” he asked. “The invasion.”
“Yeah. You heard about vice-principal Chapman?”
Garrett nodded.
“They killed him. His wife and daughter, too.”
“How are you going to stop them?”
I shrugged. “No idea,” I said. “But saving Elfangor’s brother seems like a good first step.”
We stashed his bag under the roots of a half-toppled oak tree and emerged out into the headlands, scrambling our way down the steep slope until we came to the beach. “What now?” Garrett asked.
“Now we try to think of a plan,” I said. “We look for animals we might be able to use, or walk down to the shipyard and find a boat that’s heading the right dir—”
I broke off abruptly as we rounded the cape, my jaw dropping in shock. For a full ten seconds, my brain simply refused to work, unwilling to believe the signals my eyes were sending it.
“Oh,” said Garrett as he stopped beside me, his voice shaky. “Wow. Hey, Tobias—I think I just came up with an idea.”
The beach in front of us was packed, over a hundred people milling around, the air filled with the buzz of quiet conversation. Most of them were carrying buckets, the rest snapping pictures with their phones, or just standing there watching. They were gathered around an enormous, towering creature, a wall of gray flesh longer than a train car and almost as tall.
Sperm whale, said Cassie’s voice, echoing out of a memory of her barn, two days and two lifetimes ago. Sperm whale and giant squid. Those are the only big animals we know of that go that deep, and they don’t have either one of them at the Gardens. They don’t have either one anywhere, as far as I know.
“This is impossible,” I whispered, still trying to convince my sluggish brain to work. It was too convenient, too perfect to be a coincidence. I could see the whale’s labored breathing, see the pooling of its flesh as it collapsed beneath its own weight. In a few hours, it would be dead. It had beached itself at exactly the right time for me and Garrett to come across it.
“Oh,” Garrett said. “Is it a trap, then?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think. That would mean that the Yeerks knew we were human, that they knew about Elfangor’s brother, that they could pluck a whale right out of the ocean and that they somehow knew in advance when Garrett and I would be arriving on the beach—
No. If they had that much power, the war would already be over.
But as I stared at the dying animal, I couldn’t help remembering another conversation, this one much more recent than Cassie’s lecture on marine biology.
Elfangor showed up, Jake had said.
Exactly! I’d answered him. That was our miracle! We’re not going to get another one.
“Tobias?” Garrett asked. “What should we do?”
I looked at him. Looked at the whale. Looked out at the endless horizon.
Three thousand miles of water, and somewhere in the middle of it, Elfangor’s brother. Calling out for help.
Just put it on the list.
“We acquire it,” I said. “And then we watch each other’s back.”
Chapter 6: Esplin
Summary:
A glimpse inside the Yeerk command structure.
Notes:
This chapter was co-authored with Ketura/Teltura (reddit/ff.net).
Chapter Text
Chapter 06: Esplin 9466
Breached the theoretical mass synchronization collapse limit? Eliminated the unitary host-construct dependency? Tripled the efficiency of the controller-construct Z-space replacement algorithm?
Impossible.
Esplin nine-four-double-six stared at the report, feeling the odd mixture of fear and happiness that was always his host body’s response to bad news. Fear, because they had been one for so long that it felt his own emotions on the deepest possible level. Happiness, because no matter how completely he ruled, Alloran still lived beneath the surface.
Not that he truly wished to be rid of Alloran. Not anymore. It would be so lonely, after all, with only one mind in his head. So boring, with no audience. So easy, with no critic.
There were times, though, when the Andalite warrior’s joy was a burden that Esplin tired of bearing.
Esplin scanned the report again, taking separate note of each development.
One—the Andalites had successfully replaced a human girl, with mimicry on par with that of a Yeerk. Conclusion: someone else in the Andalite chain of command had discovered Alloran’s little back door.
Two (related)—at least one of them had been on Earth for multiple cycles, long enough to gather sufficient intelligence to choose precisely the right human for easy access to genetic material, likely since the arrival of the Yeerk’s own invading force. Conclusion: stowaways.
(Corollary: another upgrade to the morphing technology? The disguised Andalite agent had been executing the acquisition process in morph prior to being uncovered. Alternate hypothesis: handheld extractor/scanner, for later integration.)
Three—it had morphed directly from construct to construct, in roughly one third of the standard interval, after remaining in disguise for an unknown period of time (but at least eight times the original theoretical maximum). Conclusion: __________?
Beneath the surface, Alloran supplied a string of appropriate Andalite expletives, each tinged with an acid mix of mockery and smug triumph. Esplin responded with a searing lash of pain, and Alloran laughed even as he shrank back into silence.
This was frightening. If the Andalites had indeed managed to overcome three (possibly four!) of the morphing technology’s largest weaknesses, then the Leeran morph (with all of its disadvantages) was now the only method of determining which of his subordinates could be trusted. And if his corollary was correct, and they had somehow infiltrated his ship, then they could be literally anywhere, lying in wait for just the right opportunity—to press just the right buttons, to launch just the right people out of an airlock at 0.5c…
(It would explain nearly every obstacle they had encountered so far—every setback, every delay, every frustrating malfunction, so much incompetence and always just short of something truly unforgiveable.)
Even the coercive demorphing field, so close to functional, might no longer hold any promise. Changes that significant suggested a fundamentally new approach to the entire morphing process, one that could easily rely on a completely different source of power.
With a quick tap of his controls, Esplin initiated the standard lockdown protocol, sealing his quarters and beginning the combination scan and decontamination. Ordinarily, the lockdown took place at random intervals, with a maximum of half a morphing period between cleans, but even that might no longer be sufficient. Esplin had long ago depilated his host’s body, to hinder infestation by tiny morphed parasites, but if the Andalites had gone this far, who was to say they wouldn’t try infiltrating as bacteria, to slip through the holes in the decon net?
(On a parallel line of thought, his constant monitoring of Alloran picked up a thread of curiosity, noting with bemusement that his pet warrior was even now unable to ignore the temptation of an interesting problem. Possible applications of the new morphing technology streamed through the link between them, and Esplin filed them away, to be guarded against later. Likely most of the precautions would be unnecessary and redundant—he had yet to meet another Andalite who was a match for Alloran in pure savagery and clarity of thought, who had the same inexorable drive—)
((Alloran scoffed at the backhanded compliment, but could not quite suppress the minute wash of pride—))
(((Oh yes, they were made for one another, if only the warrior could see past the narrow interests of his native species, and take the larger view—)))
Suddenly Esplin’s musings flashed to a halt, all of his speculations ceasing, all layers collapsing into one as he directed every level of attention toward the path of Alloran’s thoughts. The process was immediate, automatic, a reflexive response to a trigger Esplin had installed long, long ago, when he had only just begun to learn what it was to govern a mind that was greater than your own:
Alloran was confused, which meant that it was time for Esplin to pay attention.
The warrior’s mind instantly went blank, his thoughts smoothing into the placid flow of meditation as he tried to cover his involuntary betrayal. Esplin merely laughed, seizing the reins and forcing the neurons to fire, unwinding the spool of thought to see what tiny flaw had caught his host’s attention.
—and even then, why leave Ispec alive AFTERWARD, a critically-positioned host, it made NO SENSE—
—farther back—
—surely not so utterly shortsighted as to throw away an invaluable tactical advantage on a SCARE TACTIC—
—farther back—
—unless for some reason he WANTED the Yeerks to receive Ispec’s report? But what possible justification—
—farther—
—the first, most basic, most OBVIOUS move being to grind the filthy slug into the dust, even a stiff-tailed cadet could not HELP but notice the open communication channel—
Ah.
Carefully, suppressing his desire to leap to a conclusion, Esplin reconstructed the scene in his mind’s eye. The mighty Andalite, exposed but triumphant. The lowly Yeerk, cowering in a weak and feeble body. The gloating reveal—you have no idea of the depth of your failure! We took the girl weeks ago, and you clumsy, stupid Yeerks noticed nothing! Yet another victory for the superior Andalite race!
(It would have gone something like that, anyway.)
Yes, it was in character, all right, character so perfect it was almost a mockery. But the flaws were obvious when you looked at it objectively. If they’d had the girl for weeks, then why the sudden rush to visit half of the animals in the collection?
Obviously, it was a bluff. Some thick-stalked ship-jockey, who had never so much as heard the word “espionage,” found himself stranded after the battle, moved immediately to acquire local morphs—
—at least the idiot had followed ONE protocol correctly—
—and blundered right into the middle of the Yeerks’ damage control operation (triggered by some other cloud-furred fool?). Desperate, he changed forms, got his leg shot off, and then, unmasked and stranded deep in enemy territory, tried to cover up his blunder with boasting. It made sense.
Except—
(Alloran desperately tried not to object, but he had no choice, really…)
—at that point, WHY didn’t the oaf terminate the enemy host?
It went against every scrap of Andalite military doctrine, half of which Alloran himself had written, replacing centuries of obsolete folly. It was the first lecture given to every cadet who entered the armed forces: You identify the enemy. You find the enemy. You destroy the enemy. End process. You don’t make the enemy squirm by parading tactical information in front of them!
For a moment, Esplin enjoyed the feeling of camaraderie as he and his host were united by their shared frustration at the eternal incompetence of underlings. Then the moment passed, Alloran recoiled, and they each turned their mind back to the problem, the master eagerly, the pet involuntarily.
Who were the key players? Subject A, a midgrade Yeerk operative, being outwitted by subject B, a stunning example of Andalite mediocrity. In the background: the incoming reinforcements? A frustrated field commander?
The host.
Laughable. Of course Alloran would think that—he had to, lest he cease to be able to deny his own irrelevance. Though the human had in fact apparently fought her Yeerk to a standstill, so credit where credit was due. Such a wasted effort, only to have her words fall on uncaring Andalite ears. They’d taken her mate within minutes while the oaf blundered off in the opposite direction—
The host’s daughter.
Dead. Obviously. Even dust-fed buffoons would not risk the sudden arrival of a doppelganger—
Unless she was cooperating.
Esplin froze, cursing himself. Of course—that would not only justify the ill-advised and irrational mercy, it would also explain the swiftness with which the Andalites had learned of the animal collection, and infiltrated its security.
The castigation turned to laughter as Alloran’s sense grew thick with horror. Oh, the proud Andalite race, reduced to alliance with planetbound primates! Would they invite the monkeys into space, next? Give them weapons, perhaps? Maybe some of the lonelier sort would morph and seek mates among the humans, as rumor said had been done during the conquest of the Hork-Bajir, on the homeworld of the Arn—perhaps Esplin and Alloran would give it a try, together?
Alloran snarled, a wordless expression of pure fury, and Esplin reveled in the wash of hormones that filled the skull where the pair of them lived. Meanwhile, in the back of their shared mind, a lower, slower sort of process began following up on the new hypothesis, working through the strategic implications of a human-Andalite alliance, combining it with all of the other data on the current situation—
(((Cassie Withers, my host’s daughter! She just morphed into an elephant!)))
(((We took her daughter weeks ago, and she never even noticed.)))
((Cassie Withers, my host’s daughter! She just morphed into an elephant!))
((And after holding human form for an entire day! Visser Three will be exceptionally interested in hearing how you accomplished that.))
(Cassie Withers, my host’s daughter! She just morphed into an elephant!)
(Enjoy it while you can, Yeerk. The Andalites are coming.)
Cassie Withers, my host’s daughter! She just morphed into an elephant!
Like a rocket launching skyward, the realization tore through every layer of Esplin’s attention, each fraction of his mind demanding greater priority for the thought until even Alloran’s misery failed to be more interesting.
Unless she was cooperating.
A human that could morph—
A human that didn’t have to bypass the mass synchronization limit because it wasn’t morphed in the first place—
A human that could transform straight into a construct because it wasn’t morphed in the first place—
A human that could acquire animals directly, without demorphing to Andalite form, because IT WASN’T MORPHED IN THE FIRST PLACE—
A human that didn’t stomp its captive into the dust because it hadn’t read the Andalite war journal, and because the captive hadn’t been another faceless Yeerk but the human’s own mother—
It all clicked into place, a hypothesis far more elegant than any of the others—a single, deft principle that explained every one of the oddities that had troubled them both so far, dispensing with the need for impossible leaps in technology and implausibly incompetent operatives—
((Well, not the oddities aboard ship, but there was no fundamental reason to expect those to be related.))
(Esplin ignored the rising echoes of Alloran’s seething self-hatred as the warrior realized he had once again guided his master to the solution.)
It had Elfangor’s scent all over it—a final, desperate ploy, recruiting a handful of primitives and arming them with the most devastatingly powerful technology in the known universe—
(And that was why he had allowed himself to be dispatched so easily, rather than morphing and leading them on a merry chase. Esplin and Alloran had been somewhat disappointed.)
A quick explanation (inadequate)—a quick activation (untested! Irresponsible!)—a noble sacrifice (all poor Elfangor ever wanted)—and behold, a brand-new piece made its entry into the game. Morph-capable humans! Children, some of them! How many would the Beast have had time to recruit? Seven? Fourteen?
For the third time in as many minutes, Esplin’s thoughts ground to a halt, his mind stunned by the sudden recognition of a new expanse of possibility.
Had Elfangor left the Iscafil device in their hands?
(Beneath the surface, Alloran howled with despair at the folly, the absolute folly, for they both knew that that was exactly what the Beast would have done.)
And now Esplin felt that odd mixture of fear and happiness again, its sources reversed, its flavor subtly but deliciously different. Here was a challenge worthy of his full attention, with the potential to strike years off the time that his true plan required. They were down there, somewhere—frightened humans with the key in their hands, a key which they would surely destroy rather than allow him to have, a key which not even his fellow Yeerks could be permitted to discover.
Esplin opened a channel to the central command hub. A bladed Hork-Bajir answered immediately, its salute crisp and respectful, its eyes dull and uncomprehending.
Message, Visser Three signed, and the Hork-Bajir signaled confirmation.
The Andalite bandits are cooperating with the humans. Investigate all known associates of Hedrick Chapman, Paula Chapman, Melissa Chapman, Walter Withers, Michelle Withers, and Cassie Withers, and place a full surveillance net on Walter and Michelle Withers. Do not engage; observe and report only.
The Hork-Bajir signaled confirmation again, and Visser Three closed the channel, turning to the small compartment that stood beside his interface.
A little snack, before the real work began…
Chapter 7: Jake
Summary:
Jake plays to his strengths, guiding the group toward their first real mission.
Notes:
Sometimes a continuity error is a continuity error, and sometimes it's plot.
Chapter Text
Chapter 07: Jake
—I watched, helpless, as Tom smiled, his eyes like chips of ice. He lifted the knife and drew it across his own throat, and I screamed as blood spurted out, as the laughter of the Yeerk inside his head became a hideous gurgle—
—I watched, helpless, as my mother’s foot pressed down on the accelerator, as the car surged forward, faster and faster, as she looked into my eyes and yanked the wheel. The car shrieked, twisted, tumbled over and over again, and my mother’s body flew out of the windshield and dragged along the highway, still laughing—
—I watched, helpless, as my father opened the door to the hospital roof, as he pocketed the keys and strode across the gravel, whistling a happy tune. He stepped up onto the low wall around the edge and paused, grinning, his eyes finding mine as he took the final step out into the open air—
—I watched, helpless, as Rachel—
—as Marco—
—as Cassie—
I awoke to the vibration of my phone, buried inside my pillowcase, followed a second later by the soft chime of bells in the one earbud that hadn’t fallen out. My sheets were twisted and knotted around my body, musty and wet with the sweat that was still pouring out of me. Holding back a groan, I rolled over and looked at the clock.
3:45AM.
I could feel adrenaline tracing lines through my body, feel the pounding of my heart in my temples, my jaw, my fists. The nightmares were no surprise—I’d woken up to them twice tonight already. If anything, I was grateful that I’d slept long enough to have them. It was the fourth night since the construction site, and I had yet to stay asleep for more than two hours in a row.
Reaching out, I reset both alarms—the phone to 5:45, the clock to 5:50—then woke up my computer, squinting against the sudden, searing light. I switched the final backup alarm from 3:51 to 5:51 and killed the monitor, trying to recover my night vision so that I could make my way through the maze of hazards on my floor in silence.
The world outside my bedroom window was quiet and empty—no lights sliding across the clear night sky, no monstrous figures lurching through the darkness, no mysterious cars parked down the street. Tiptoeing carefully across the room, I double-checked the locks on my door and tumbled back into bed. Wearily, I pulled out my phone, swiped my passcode, and opened up our shared thread.
night guys (9:48PM)
can’t sleep lol (Marco • 10:36PM)
no news (Rachel • 11:12PM)
alls well (11:48PM)
can’t sleep lol (Marco • 12:34AM)
still working on hw (Rachel • 1:16AM)
np (1:49AM)
can’t sleep lol (Marco • 2:33AM)
stfu marco (Rachel • 3:15AM)
I tapped np again, pushing send just as the time ticked over to 3:47. It was an empty, meaningless gesture—if the Yeerks managed to take one of us in the night, they would almost certainly also be capable of sending a fake all-clear, and smart enough to do so—but we’d unanimously agreed that it was better to wake up to something.
Setting the phone aside, I stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and began to demorph.
In the days since we’d met Elfangor, I had undergone over a dozen transformations. I had been a dog, a falcon, an alien—four times!—and a squirrel, and the DNA of a handful of other animals, hastily acquired from Cassie, floated somewhere in my blood or my brain or wherever the morphing technology stored its templates.
But this transformation was the strangest by far, precisely because it wasn’t. I could feel the process working, feel the subtle shift and tingle as it filtered every cell and molecule, calling my true body back from hyperspace as it disassembled the construct particle by particle. And yet, as I lay there, the only noticeable change was the gradual shrinking of my fingernails.
It had taken us an embarrassingly long time to stumble upon the idea of a marker, a trigger—some tangible difference that could separate the morph, in our minds, from the original. But in the end, it had proven to be that simple. Marco acquired me, Marco morphed me, I trimmed my fingernails, I acquired myself. A little over a minute and a half later, and the fingernails were back.
It was an exhilarating hack, the first unconditionally good news we’d had since Elfangor’s death, and it would have been cause for celebration if we hadn’t already been dead on our feet from exhaustion. Access to thought-speak alone would have been worth the hassle of demorphing and remorphing every two hours, and on top of that, we would be able to heal any non-lethal injury in minutes, and to morph out from under a Yeerk stunner without giving ourselves away.
“Of course, if they infest us in between, we might still be screwed,” Marco had pointed out. “Elfangor’s little earplugs probably aren’t staying put.” But in that case, Rachel had argued, what was to stop us from simply demorphing, and scattering the Yeerk’s atoms into nothingness?
We’d done a little test, each within a carbon copy of our own bodies, downing Doritos and Pop Tarts until we couldn’t eat any more, then demorphing to find ourselves hungry again. It wasn’t conclusive, by any means, but the chill we’d all felt when we remorphed a moment later and were still hungry…
Rachel had seemed almost eager, after that.
Running a thumb along my fingertips, I stifled a yawn and refocused. It was Tuesday night—technically Wednesday morning—and school would be cancelled for two more days. We’d been on alert for three nights already, and I could feel the beginnings of a headache behind the bridge of my nose, and that little pain you get in your neck when it hasn’t rested long enough. I kicked and tugged at my sheets, trying to find a comfortable position as my body slowly disappeared and was replaced by a copy of itself.
Four more hours, I thought to myself. Four more hours, and then it would be time to get up, and then—
Well. One way or another, the next night would be different.
My armor in place, I closed my eyes and rolled over, slowly sinking back into my nightmares.
* * *
My name is Jake Berenson.
It’s weird, to think that that’s now a secret. Like one of those fairy tales, where people who know your true name have ultimate power over you. If the Yeerks find out who I am…
Well, they won’t quite have ultimate power over me. Cassie had gone through hell, but at least the implants had worked.
They can take my parents, though, and my brother Tom.
Take my friends, the ones who aren’t a part of our little resistance movement.
They can take my neighbors, my teachers, my coach, my troop leader.
In the end, they’re going to try to take everybody.
How much does it take, to break a person? How hard would it be for the Yeerks to push me over the edge, if they had everyone I loved, and knew me like they’d raised me, like they’d grown up beside me?
In my dreams, Tom had killed himself, over and over, a hundred different ways, and laughed each time as he died.
The Yeerks didn’t need ultimate power. Regular power was more than enough.
I’m a younger brother, you know. I think that makes a difference. Marco and Cassie and Tobias—sort of—they’re all only children. Rachel’s got two younger sisters, but she was almost six by the time Jordan was born. She remembers what it was like to be the only kid in the family—she became an older sister.
I’ve always been a younger brother. As long as I’ve lived, there’s always been somebody bigger and stronger, somebody with more knowledge, more power, more respect. Not that Tom’s a bad guy—we get along just fine, most of the time. But that gap, that difference—it’s real, and it matters. Tom is three years older than me. He was already in high school by the time I got to middle school. He got his license just before Christmas last year, and inherited Dad’s old Nissan.
I got a PS4. At the time, I was thrilled.
When I was maybe nine years old, our parents decided they were tired of the way Tom and I were constantly bickering with one another, and ordered us to find another way to settle our differences. After some spirited debate, we settled on rock-paper-scissors, best two out of three.
It seemed fair, at the time. I mean, you’ve got exactly three options, right? You win, you lose, or you draw. No gray areas. Simple. Straightforward.
Except, as it happened, I was a lot better at rock-paper-scissors than my older brother. Turns out if you understand how someone thinks—I mean really understand, on a deep, intuitive level—you can cut those three options down to one without much trouble. For a few short weeks, I won every argument. One day, I even wrote down scissors scissors rock paper rock rock rock paper in advance, put it in my back pocket, and proceeded to win all eight tosses. Tom locked me in a closet, Dad made him do all the yardwork, and we switched to flipping coins after that.
It’s not that my brother is stupid, or unimaginative, or especially predictable. It’s just that growing up with him forced me to pay attention—to perfect a kind of awareness that Tom never had any incentive to develop. It wasn’t a conscious thing. It’s not like I was thinking hmmm, he threw rock last time and lost, so he’d stick with rock to surprise me, except he knows I’d predict that, so he’s actually going to switch to paper! No, I just looked at him, and some part of my brain spat out paper or scissors or rock, and if I listened to it, I won, nine times out of ten.
Against Marco and Rachel, it was more like seven or eight.
Against random kids in the cafeteria, it was closer to six—not great, but still enough to win more often than I lost.
It’s not hard, when there are only three choices, and there’s always a right answer. When you can look the other person in the eye and get a sense of how they think, even if you don’t know them all that well. When there’s nothing real at stake, and you can just keep playing until even the tiniest edge starts to make a difference in your favor.
But that’s not the game we’re playing now.
I’d lucked out, with Tobias. It had felt right, waiting by the cube for him to come back, but I didn’t have that same sense of certainty that I had with Tom. Tobias was still just too much of a stranger, even after almost a year of hanging out with him in the halls at school. I’d been completely thrown when he said he was going after Elfangor’s brother, and I still didn’t know whether I’d been right to trust him about the kid, Garrett.
And if I couldn’t even predict Tobias—
We have no idea who the Yeerks really are, deep down inside. No idea what they are. How they think, or what they want, or how far they’ll go to get it, or even how they define ‘far.’
They executed the Chapmans for no apparent reason, in the middle of the night, when the three of them had no plausible excuse for being out in a car together.
They took Cassie’s mother in a preemptive move, allegedly as part of a larger strategy to keep rogue Andalites from acquiring powerful Earth morphs.
They had infested a number of cops, firefighters, and EMTs, and were using those hosts to respond to Controller distress signals, and maybe just to infest anybody who called 911.
They had set up shop in a medium-sized city on the Pacific coast, instead of in Washington or New York or Beijing—where they’d have had easy access to power—or the middle of some quiet, backwater village—where they wouldn’t have had to worry about being discovered.
They were traveling in pairs, converting whole families, carrying stunners and communicators and spare Yeerks apparently just in case, but they’d also somehow missed the five of us cowering pretty much out in the open in the middle of a construction site.
The scattered facts made no sense together, formed no recognizable pattern. It was an opaque mixture of smart and stupid, capable and incompetent. And my little black box needed a pattern—needed something to latch on to, before it was willing to offer up predictions, to throw its support behind one plan or another.
I could have recruited Tom, gone back for the cube after Tobias and Garrett left—could have brought him immediately into our circle, into the fight.
Would that have been good, bad, or neutral?
I could use Elfangor’s body—morph into an Andalite in the middle of the mall or the stadium or downtown, pretend to be an alien coming out of disguise and just start yelling <Take me to your leader.>
Win, lose, or draw?
We could hijack a plane—or better yet, a Bug fighter—and crash it into the center of town, try to take out the Yeerk pool. Or fly it up into orbit, to whatever mothership the Yeerks had hidden up there. We could kidnap the president—or try, anyway—hold her for three days, and then give her the morphing power. We could start building an army, or give the morphing cube to the Army.
The problem was, none of those ideas were good or bad, on their own. Rock, by itself, isn’t a winning throw. It isn’t anything, except in relation to scissors or paper or another rock. And we had no way of knowing what the Yeerks were thinking, what they were planning, what they were going to do next.
The solution, Marco had said, was to try to find a move which was good under any circumstances—something the Yeerks couldn’t anticipate or twist to their advantage.
No, Rachel had argued, the solution was not to play. To get clear, regroup, gather more information. We’d almost lost Cassie, she’d pointed out. It would only take one mistake to lose everything.
To which Marco had countered that all the Yeerks needed to win was for us to do nothing.
And that’s when my phone had buzzed, and Rachel’s just after.
Apparently, the Yeerks had bought Cassie’s off-the-cuff cover story. Bought it so completely that they’d written off Cassie entirely, and thrown in both of her parents for good measure. They’d put a fifteen-second slot on the morning news, announcing the tragic deaths of Walter, Michelle, and Cassie Withers, in an accident on Thistledown Road involving a deer, a tree, and no other vehicles.
We’d sort of stopped arguing for a few minutes, after that.
“Loose ends,” Marco had growled, once Rachel and I managed to get ourselves mostly under control. “They’re getting rid of any host whose identity has been compromised. Which means there are Andalite bandits out there—they must have figured out that Mr. Chapman was a Controller, so the Yeerks took him out of the picture before they could expose him or follow him to the pool or whatever.”
“We have to—somebody has to—to tell Cassie,” Rachel had said, her voice still catching on silent sobs.
I hadn’t responded to either of them. On the surface, I was still reeling. My brain kept replaying a memory of Cassie’s parents from a week before, the last time I’d had dinner at her house. It was somehow impossible to imagine that kitchen being dark and silent and empty.
But on a deeper level, everything else was falling into place. Like a marble in a game of Mouse Trap, Marco’s theory had clicked, rolled, and tumbled through my little black box, setting in motion half a dozen tiny chain reactions, leaving me with a sudden feeling of clarity.
The Yeerks were afraid.
Not careful, not prudent, not cautiously circumspect, but actively and aggressively paranoid. They were jumping at shadows. They were genuinely worried about the threat of exposure, so much so that they’d staged two car accidents in as many days, just to keep their operation hidden from Andalite eyes.
They were vulnerable.
They were vulnerable, and I was angry.
“New plan,” I’d said, my voice coming out brittle and sharp. “Marco, you can get your dad out if you want, but you need to stick around. Rachel—we don’t know where Cassie is, and there’s no point wasting time tracking her down.”
I didn’t think—not exactly. There wasn’t really time to think. I just knew, as if a switch had been flipped—as if I’d known all along, and had only just remembered.
I still had no idea who the Yeerks really were. I didn’t understand all of the choices they were making, wouldn’t have dared to predict where the war would go in two weeks or two months or two years. But I thought I knew what they were going to do next.
And scissors beat paper.
“We’re going after the pool.”
* * *
<Run it by me one more time, and this time listen to yourself.>
I sighed, fiddling absentmindedly with the controls of the racing game as the clock ticked down to zero and the words YOU LOSE flashed across the screen. Around me, the arcade echoed with the sounds of lasers and laughter, packed with kids enjoying the impromptu vacation.
<They’re trying to keep a low profile,> I said, holding the beam of my thoughts narrow so that only Marco could hear them. He was a hundred yards away, shadowing our target as she ate dinner in the food court. <It’s already a stretch that two families with kids in the same grade both died in car wrecks one after the other. They’re going to want to wait until all of this settles down before they make any new moves.>
<Yeah, I’m with you on that part. Fits with what Cassie said about free spread being on pause, or whatever. And sure, yeah, that makes this a good time to try to make our first move. But this chick hasn’t done anything weird or suspicious at all.>
<We haven’t been watching her the whole time.>
Reaching into my pocket, I dug out another four quarters and dropped them into the machine, double-taking as I had every time at the unexpected shade of my skin. I was incognito, wearing the body of a random teenager from the far side of town. We’d biked over to the other mall on Monday evening, and Marco had done some incredibly stupid patter about practicing hypnosis, somehow convincing a bunch of people to let us hold their hands long enough to acquire them.
<Look,> I continued. <There was no wreck, right? And they have Cassie’s parents’ bodies, but no Cassie. So fine, they tell everybody it’s got to be a closed-casket thing, but there’s always some family member that has to take a look. To identify them and stuff. And Cassie’s aunt Mikayla is the only one in town.>
<So they bring her in Sunday night, infest her on the spot, and she fields the questions for anybody else who’s being nosy—>
<—and now it’s Wednesday, and she’s due for a visit to the Yeerk pool.>
On the screen, my car slammed into a railing and spun out, dropping me from fourth place down to eleventh.
<This is so thin I can’t use it for toilet paper, man. Like, I can’t even count how many ways this whole thing falls apart. Maybe they didn’t make her a Controller in the first place. Maybe they did, but not until Monday, or maybe she just went to the pool yesterday while we were all stuck at the Chapman memorial thing. I mean, just because Elfangor said every three days doesn’t mean it’s three days exactly, right? And even if she is a Controller and she does lead us to the pool, what’s stopping them from having some kind of crazy force field bio-filter in place? It’s what I’d do, if I was worried about Andalite bandits. Or worse, this whole thing could be one giant trap.>
<It’s not a trap,> I said flatly.
Yanking the wheel, I skidded out again, this time falling completely off the map. I’d already poured eight dollars into the game over the past ten minutes. If I didn’t pull it together soon, I was going to run out of money.
The problem was, everything that Marco was saying was true. It was full of holes, and I was making a ton of assumptions. But every time I tried to lay out a good argument, I just couldn’t find the right words. Like how the Yeerks’ fear meant that the pool wasn’t secure yet, which meant there weren’t any crazy force fields, and we would be able to infiltrate it. Or how the Yeerks would know humans well enough by now to grab Cassie’s aunt and use her, but how Andalites wouldn’t know humans well enough to anticipate it, and how the Yeerks knew that, so they’d see it as a safe move and wouldn’t guard against it the way they were probably guarding against us tracking down one of the cops or EMTs…
Somewhere inside my little black box, it all added up. But there were too many layers, too many ifs. I couldn’t keep up with Marco when it came to logic-chopping, and so I was leaning on my “authority” pretty hard.
<We can always bail,> I reminded him. <If things start looking dicey. And it’s not like we’ve wasted a ton of time trailing Mikayla. If she doesn’t lead us anywhere tonight, we call it off and switch to plan B.>
Marco was silent for a moment. <Just make me one promise,> he said finally. <If it turns out you are right, don’t go nuts and start thinking you have some kind of spider sense, okay? Because right for the wrong reasons is only a tiny bit better than flat-out wrong.>
I hesitated, trying to come up with a good response, and then another voice broke into my thoughts.
<She’s on the move. Marco, you on us?>
<Yeah, I’ve got you. She’s getting up to dump her tray—safe bet she’s headed back to her car. I’ll follow and let you know when to bail out. Jake, time to roll.>
It was tough, trying to tail a possible Controller with only three people, especially when we had no idea where the Yeerk pool might be, or what its entrance might be like. For all we knew, Mikayla would just duck into a bathroom somewhere and never come back out.
So we’d settled on a rotation. One of us would stick to her—literally—in fly morph, one of us would tail her from a distance in a human disguise, and the third person would be on standby, watching the clock and moving the bags of extra clothes we’d brought into position for emergency demorphs. Tagging out was tricky—the fly couldn’t really see anything further than two or three feet away, so we either had to know exactly where Mikayla would be in advance, or we had to coordinate a drop-off at close range.
I got up and left the arcade at a brisk walk, demorphing inside my clothes as I went, keeping the process slow enough that none of the other mall patrons would notice. Mikayla’s car was in the outdoor parking lot, just a short walk from the closest entrance.
<Yep, she’s leaving. Jake, ETA is maybe three minutes, maybe less. Want me to slow her down?>
I pushed my way through the double doors and out into the sunlight. <No, I’ve got it,> I said, just as my ability to thought-speak disappeared.
Walking over to her car, I did a quick spin to confirm that no one else was nearby or paying attention, and then dropped to the ground and rolled underneath. I would have to leave my shirt, shorts, and flip-flops behind; fortunately, they were Tom’s old beach clothes, and probably wouldn’t be missed.
Taking a deep breath, I focused my mind and felt the changes begin.
So far, every morph had been different, and every morph had been horrible in one way or another. Once, while morphing Elfangor, the bones for my extra fingers had simply shot out of the side of my hands, the flesh and skin crawling up them afterward like some kind of creepy time-lapse of vines growing.
This time, the first thing to change was my vision. For a moment, everything went dim and blurry, and then the world sort of shattered as I felt my eyeballs bulge and divide, becoming the compound eyes of an insect.
Fortunately, my human brain wasn’t quite equipped to process all the new information, so I couldn’t see too much detail as the hairs on my arms began to thicken into razor-like barbs, or as my skin turned black and waxy like burnt brownies.
<Drop off now, Rachel,> said Marco. <Head for the heavenly smell—the dumpster’s thirty feet to your left, and the coast is clear. Jake, two minutes, give or take.>
<I’m not going to be airborne in time to guide you into the car, Jake,> Rachel warned. <Hope you can figure it out.>
It was still too early for me to reply by thought-speak. I had started to shrink, the shirt and shorts ballooning around me as my arms and legs shriveled and another pair of limbs started to squirm their way out of my abdomen. I felt a kind of peeling sensation on my back, and suddenly my skin split into sheets and became wings.
I’m pretty sure that whatever Andalite scientist came up with morphing belongs firmly in the “mad” category. I wondered vaguely how they’d gone about testing the technology, and whether they’d thought to include some kind of numbing factor right from the start, or whether they’d figured that out only after some poor test subject lost his mind from the pain.
<Testing,> I called out. <Can you hear me?>
<Roger,> came the reply. <This is Marco; Rachel’s demorphing. Mikayla will be at the car in about one minute. You going to be ready?>
The shrinking stopped, and the sloshing and grinding slowed as the last few changes fell into place. <Yeah. Coming out from under the car now.>
Ever wondered what it would be like to be the Flash? Not just to zip around at supersonic speeds, but to go from zero to a million in the blink of an eye?
Flies are fast.
One second, I was under the car, surrounded by the smells of sweat, detergent, and motor oil. The next, I was clinging to the door of the car, feeling the heat of the afternoon sun, completely indifferent to the fact that my whole world had turned sideways. In between, I’d traveled what felt like a hundred miles while strapped to the nose of a rocket.
You wouldn’t think being a fly would be fun, compared to being a dog or a bird or an alien. But once you got past the all-consuming grossness of the situation, it was like riding the ultimate rollercoaster. Forward, backward, sideways, upside-down—the fly didn’t care. It could change direction four or five times in a second.
I counted in my head as I waited, fighting the fly’s instinctive desire to move, to hide, to follow the smell of food. If I was interpreting the wild mosaic of my vision correctly, I had managed to plant myself just behind the driver’s side door, low enough to the ground to avoid notice against the dark color of the paint.
<Now,> Marco said, just as I sensed the vibrations and pressure changes of someone approaching the car. A continent moved—the door opening—a giant swept past—Mikayla, slipping into the driver’s seat—and in another flash, I was inside the car, hunkering down on the floor in the back. <I’m in,> I reported.
<Roger. Time is 6:48. Your limit was two-oh-four, right? So counting the minute you just spent waiting, you’ve got until 8:51. Rachel, you up yet?>
<Almost. I’ll be able to catch up—just give me a direction.>
<North exit. Heading toward midtown. Looks like she’s not going home just yet.>
<Can you stay on her?>
<Yeah, there’s plenty of traffic. Going dark for a minute while I reset my clock.>
For a few minutes, all was quiet. I could feel the rumbling of the car as it rolled down the rough pavement, sense the lurching as Mikayla braked and accelerated. I had a sense that seemed to correspond to hearing, but it was impossible to make out actual sounds—everything was muffled and alien, the fly brain built to mine the data for food and threats and nothing else. <Rachel,> I called out tentatively. <Any guesses where we’re going?>
<Doesn’t look like she’s headed for the school,> Rachel answered back. <She’s driving down Church Street. There’s the YMCA, city park, a bunch of strip malls and small stores and stuff. Maybe the courthouse? Tough to say.>
The car lurched again, and a cheese ball rolled out from under one of the seats. I resisted the sudden urge to vomit on it, and tried not to think about the fact that I had a proboscis. <Okay,> I said. <I guess I’ll settle in.>
* * *
<Um. Jake. Anything weird just happen on your end?>
I felt a little spike of fear and took stock of my surroundings. I was somewhere near Mikayla’s right ankle, riding along as she walked through the hallways of the YMCA. Marco and Rachel were both outside—Marco in osprey morph, Rachel in human disguise, wearing one of the sets of spare clothes.
I could hear/feel the sound of impacts in the distance, the low variable murmur that I was beginning to associate with speech, the buffeting wind that came and went with each step Mikayla took. What little I could see of the hallway seemed completely normal—fluorescent lights, dingy tile, pale blue walls with peeling paint.
<Nothing, why?>
<Because you just disappeared.>
I felt another spike, larger this time, and almost lost control to the fly body, which was extremely unhappy about remaining so still for so long. <What?> I demanded.
<I’m looking at the hallway you should be walking down, and Mikayla’s not there. I can see it through the windows, and it’s completely empty. That guy at the desk buzzed you through the door, I saw you go through it, but you didn’t show up on the other side.>
<I—what—>
<Some kind of portal?> Rachel asked, her voice taut. <Or a hologram?>
<Jake, what do you see?>
I looked around again, trying to make sense of the insane swirl of images. <Nothing,> I said. <I mean, not nothing—it looks like a normal hallway. I think I can hear basketballs. It smells the same as it did thirty seconds ago. I—I don’t think I teleported anywhere, or anything like that.>
Mikayla’s footsteps slowed, and I felt another rush of air as she pushed open a door and stepped into a stairwell.
<Safe money’s on hologram, then,> Marco said. <Looks like you were right after all, Jake.>
<Should he bail?> Rachel asked. <Should we go in after him?>
<Not yet,> I ordered, clamping down on my own fear. <We need information. So far we’ve still got nothing.>
<Where are you?>
<In a stairwell. At the end of the hallway, I think. Feels like we’ve gone down…two stories?> There was another rush of air, this time bringing with it a barrage of new sounds and smells. <Out of the stairwell now. I’m in another hallway, I think—no, wait. A—a bathroom? Locker room?>
I heard an echo of grim laughter in my head. <The subterranean pool at the center of the city,> Marco said, his voice bitter. <The YMCA pool? The one that’s basically the basement of the entire building?>
<Holy crap,> Rachel breathed. <I thought—the way Elfangor said it—>
<Yeah, me, too. But I guess this is more their style, anyway. I mean, why build something from scratch when you can just steal and repurpose? Plumbing, power, restricted access…>
<I’m jumping ship,> I broke in. <This room sounds like it’s empty except for Mikayla. I’m going to try to find a corner and get into a morph with better senses.>
<Jake, be careful!>
No shit. Launching myself away from Mikayla’s ankle, I did a quick aerial tour of the space. It was hard to be sure, but it looked like a locker room. Perching on the ceiling, I peered down at the blurred shape that was Cassie’s aunt. She was shuffling around, bending and twisting without going anywhere.
Changing clothes.
I let go of the rough surface of the drop ceiling and headed for the opposite corner of the room, moving at approximately Mach seven. There was a series of quiet, dark cells that might have been showers or changing rooms. I zipped into one of them and paused again, unable to stop myself from rubbing my forelimbs together.
Mikayla’s movements were like a thunderstorm, distant and muffled, the pressure waves broken and distorted as they bounced off the walls and ceiling and wormed their way into the enclosed space of the stall. After a couple of minutes, they tapered off, ending with a pair of loud bangs that might have been doors slamming shut. Then there was silence.
<Demorphing,> I broadcast, unable to keep the tension out of my tone. <If you don’t hear from me in three minutes, something’s gone wrong.>
If I’d had a heart, it would have been pounding. Every instinct I had was crying for me to stay hidden, to stay small, to find my way out of the locker room and out of the building. I wanted nothing less than to find myself naked and alone in a women’s locker room in the middle of a bodysnatcher stronghold.
But alongside the fear was an icy, uncompromising resolve. They had taken Cassie’s family. They were going to try to take mine. And Marco and Rachel were waiting, would take either inspiration or discouragement from my example.
How far would you go, if the fate of your species hung in the balance?
No, that was the wrong question. As I hesitated, I saw once more the image from my nightmares, my brother Tom laughing as the Yeerk inside his head dragged a knife across his throat.
Never.
Focusing, I began to change, my mind already leaping ahead to the next phase of the operation. I had over a dozen options to choose from—dog, squirrel, falcon, various humans. Most of them I hadn’t actually morphed yet—tiger, wolf, bat, spider, lizard.
The lizard.
Cassie had called it a six-lined something-or-other. It was small, only a little over six inches, and not particularly brightly colored. It could see and hear well enough to catch bugs, which meant I should be able to get a sense of my environment. It could climb. Most importantly, it was fast—Cassie had said they could sprint up to eighteen miles per hour, and were almost impossible to catch.
The decision made, I wasted no time in starting my next morph. Ninety seconds later, I was skittering across the empty locker room, hugging the grime-coated corner as I headed for the door.
<Rachel,> I called out. <What time is it?>
<7:11. You’ve got until 9:15.>
<Marco. Can you see the pool from the outside? Through the windows?>
<Yeah. Looks totally normal. Maybe twenty people swimming, ten people around the edges, couple of lifeguards.>
<Rachel. Can you get into the lobby? Start asking about memberships, maybe get a sense of what people have to do to get past the door guard?>
<On it. Where are you?>
<I’m in lizard morph, leaving the locker room. I think I can make it down the hall without anybody seeing me.>
Roughly a thousand Controllers, visiting the Yeerk pool every three days. Call it three hundred and fifty per day, probably sticking to business hours. Thirty five or so per hour. One arriving every two minutes, on average, probably with some big spikes in the morning before school and in the evening after work.
There would be someone in the hallway.
Reaching the door, I flattened myself out and stuck my head under the crack. I tasted the air, my eyes swiveling to take in the scene. Sure enough, there were two men just emerging from the stairwell. I waited until they disappeared around the corner, and then darted after them, still sticking close to the wall.
They were disappearing into the men’s locker room, the door swinging shut behind them. Ahead of me ran another long hallway, this one ending in a pair of double doors with a large blue sign reading POOL.
<Found the pool,> I said. I darted forward again, the lizard’s powerful legs churning underneath me, and stopped a few feet short of the entrance. This one was tightly sealed, with a kind of brush or comb at the bottom of each door, as if to keep out dust. I would have to wait for someone else to come through.
<Has it occurred to you that maybe now is the time to bail?>
I could tell by the intonation that it was Marco, and that the question was private, audible only to me. <We still don’t have any real information,> I pointed out. <We don’t know what the pool looks like, or what goes on inside, or how to disrupt it. We don’t even really know that this is the place—not for sure.>
<It’s the place,> Marco said darkly. <The people in the pool just looped. Like a gif. It’s another hologram, a recording—maybe five minutes long.>
<All the more reason to get inside and take a look.>
<You’re alone in there, man. You run into trouble, it’s going to be a long ten minutes before Rachel and I can get close enough to help.>
In front of me, there was a click, and then the door swung open. A woman emerged, followed by the sound of screaming. <Too late,> I said, rushing forward as the door began to close.
And before Marco could object, I stepped across the threshold, and into hell on earth.
Chapter 8: Marco
Summary:
Marco attempts to stave off disaster.
Chapter Text
Chapter 08: Marco
I’ve always believed in the power of laughter.
It sounds so dumb, right? Like some corny thing Dumbledore would say to Harry Potter instead of, y’know, actually teaching him a useful spell.
But it’s true. Laughter is a shield. It’s a crutch. It’s a lifeline, when the rest of the universe is trying to tear you up, drag you down, grind you away. When my mom disappeared, my dad stopped laughing, and looking back, that’s what really made the difference between him and me. It’s why he fell apart, and why I managed to hold together. Being able to joke about stuff doesn’t make it better, but it’s something.
Sometimes, though, there really is nothing to laugh about. No silver lining. Nothing but fear and darkness and pain.
<Hang in there, buddy,> I said, trying desperately to inject some kind of soothing quality into my thought-speak. I was as close to the building as I dared to get, perched on a small sapling just a dozen or so feet away from the false windows. The illusion was perfect—color, depth, everything. I could hear the muffled sound of laughter, the echoing splash as the fat kid belly-flopped off the diving board, exactly the same as when he’d done it five minutes earlier.
All lies.
<There’s kids here, Marco,> Jake whispered, his words just for me, and even through the filter of my own inner voice, I could hear his horror, his despair. I’d never heard Jake sound like that before, not even when he was losing his shit over Cassie going missing. It was like he was made of glass, hollow and empty inside.
<We’re on it, man,> I babbled. <We’re going to put a stop to it.>
<There’s kids, and they come in with their parents, and they get in line, and they don’t play or fidget or—or say anything, not one word, and then they bend over the water, and the Yeerk drops out, and all of a sudden they’re—there’s one girl, she’s only like five or six, she still hasn’t stopped screaming. I think her—her mom, I think her mom is the one who’s guarding the cages, she hasn’t even looked at her—oh, Christ—>
<Jake, listen to me, buddy, are you safe? Are you in a good hiding spot?>
<And the things on the pier—they’re like demons, man, like actual demons with horns and spines and claws and spiked tails and—>
The last time I’d felt this useless, this impotent, had been when Mom’s boat washed up on shore without her in it.
<Jake, man, you’re scaring me. Pull it together, tell me you’re somewhere where nobody can see you.>
<What? …yeah. Yeah, I’m in a corner, on the roof of the supply closet. It’s all dark, no one can see me. I can see. I can see.>
<Do you need backup? Do you need me and Rachel?>
I wanted to kick myself for letting him go in there alone. I wanted to kick myself for letting him talk me into the whole Mikayla scheme in the first place. I’d been so sure his magical predictions were bullshit that I hadn’t really stopped to ask myself what we’d do if it turned out he was right.
And now my best friend was in the middle of a Yeerk stronghold, and I was totally, completely, utterly helpless.
<No,> Jake answered. There was a strange mental sensation, like the telepathic equivalent of someone sucking in a breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was firmer, some of its authority returning. <No, I’m okay. Sorry. I can—I’ve got this. It’s just—Jesus, Marco. This is so much worse than we thought. So much worse in every way. This is like, Auschwitz-level bad.>
We needed to get him out of there.
<Rachel,> I beamed privately. <Any updates on security at the—>
<DON’T DO THAT.>
<Do—what?>
<Shut up. Can’t talk.>
<We’re going to make them pay for this.>
Jake’s voice, right on the heels of Rachel’s. I tried to answer both of them at once and ended up saying nothing at all.
<Now. Tonight. This can’t be allowed to continue.>
He still sounded hollow, but it was the hollowness of steel. <Might be a little premature there, Fearless Leader,> I said. I was pumping for altitude, trying to get enough height to circle back around to the front of the building. The YMCA was built into the side of a hill, with the main entrance at ground level on the top floor, and the pool dug into the basement on the opposite side. <Something’s up with Rachel.>
<What?>
<Not sure,> I said tersely. <I pinged her, and she told me to shut up. Sounded tense. I’ll have eyes on her in ten more seconds.>
Nine seconds later, I was back up to the front, able to see Rachel through the windows of the lobby. She was wearing the body of a single mom she’d acquired during our field trip to the other side of town. She looked fine, if a little flushed.
<Looks okay,> I reported. <She’s still talking to—no, wait, she’s just now wrapping up with the girl at the front desk.>
<Stay on her. I’m going to check out the inside of this closet-shed thing.>
<Jake, hold on a—>
<Whichever one of you interrupted in the middle of my sentence, you almost made me say my name out loud. You did make me ask if they were open on nights and any updates on security.>
It took me a long moment to disentangle her sentence as I angled toward another tree, half of my brain still worried about Jake while the other half fought the osprey body’s intense interest in the squirrels below. Beneath me, Rachel pushed her way out through the front doors and set off down the sidewalk, her pace casual.
<Well, there’s a problem,> I said, filing it away alongside the resonance issue that Tobias had warned us about. <Although I guess this means we can make morning announcements a lot more interesting now.> I swiveled my head to look at the girl sitting inside at the front desk. She was leaning back in her chair, idly tapping at her phone. <Jake—>
<I’m inside the closet. There’s a bunch of stuff here—looks like weapons, maybe some heavy machinery. I can’t really see, but I think maybe half of it is alien, half of it human.>
<I’m demorphing,> Rachel interjected.
<Wait,> I called out to both of them at once. The split conversations were piling up on top of my own thoughts, too fast for me to juggle, adding to my growing sense that everything was spiraling out of control. <Just—hold on a second, both of you. We need to stop and think. Jake, we need to get you out of there and regroup.>
<No,> came a voice in my head.
<Which one of you was that?> I asked.
<Me. Jake. I’m not leaving until we find a way to shut this whole thing down.>
<We came here for intel—we’re not ready for any kind of mission. Let’s quit while we’re ahead.>
<I still haven’t checked any of the doors leading away from the main area, or any of the rest of the building.>
<Rachel,> I pleaded. <Help me out, here.>
<Marco’s got a point,> Rachel said. <Jake, are you sure you’re not in the middle of an ambush? What if they know you’re there?>
<I’ve been climbing all over this place for ten minutes now,> Jake pointed out. <Nobody’s following me, nobody’s hanging around. Everybody’s either got a job or they’re in a cage. Plus, I’ve seen a bunch of bugs and spiders and at least one mouse. If this is a trap, I don’t know why they’d still be waiting.>
<They could be waiting for you to demorph,> I offered.
<Or for him to call for backup, in which case they’d capture more than one of us.>
<No,> Jake said firmly. <Doesn’t fit. Not their style.>
I clamped down on my objection. Jake’s whole Professor X thing was a good bit more than I was ready to swallow, but this wasn’t the time to nitpick. <This is crazy,> I said. <We don’t have anything even remotely resembling a plan, here. Why don’t you come back out, we can figure out a strategy, come back again tomorrow?>
<We might not have until tomorrow,> Jake said. <They’re building something around the inside of the doorway. Alien tech, red lights. Ten bucks says it’s not for catching shoplifters.>
I did the avian equivalent of frowning, which was apparently hunching one’s shoulders and rustling one’s feathers. There were too many threads, too many threats—too many plausible possibilities, and almost none of them good. Even if they hadn’t noticed Jake’s presence, that could all change in an instant, and the lizard body had almost nothing going for it in a fight. It was obvious that we were overextended, but at the same time, if he was right—if it really was now or never—
He’s just saying that because he’s pissed off and he wants to do some damage.
True. But the Yeerks probably were planning to beef up their security. They had to know that a buzzer at the door wasn’t going to cut it in the long run.
<Rachel,> I called out. <What’s the deal up at the front door?>
<Six people came out, five more went in while I was talking to the girl at the desk. They all had little laminated IDs, and I think maybe there’s passwords—more than one password. She kept using different greetings, and the people walking by sounded pretty natural, but I think the first and fifth person had the same combination. I think, anyway. She said something like, “hey, you’re back already,” and I’m pretty sure they both answered “yeah, I’m on a roll.”>
I felt the osprey’s heartrate tick upward. <Okay, that’s not a good sign.>
<What do you mean?>
I thought the question had come from Jake, but I realized I was wrong a split second later when he answered it, his inflection unmistakable. <It means they’re smart enough to know that one password would be easy to crack and super obvious to random people hanging out in the lobby. Which means they’re also smart enough to know that their current security is nowhere near good enough to keep out Andalites.>
Rachel got it right away. <So it’s going to get tighter.>
<It’s not going to get tighter tomorrow,> I argued, feeling slightly dirty as the voice in the back of my head pointed out that it absolutely might. <Jake—come on, man, we have no idea what you’re up against down there. You could walk around some corner and just get fried.>
<That’s why I’m not leaving yet. We have to know what we’re dealing with. And if I see an opportunity while I’m poking around, well—this might be our only shot.>
<Jake—>
<This isn’t a vote,> Jake said, cutting me off, and where his voice had been hollow steel, it was now diamond holding back vacuum. <Those demon things just dragged that little girl out on the pier and shoved her head under the water like they were trying to drown her, and when she came up, she wasn’t screaming anymore. I am not walking out of here until I’ve done something.>
<Jake—> I began again, more softly this time.
<Marco,> Rachel interrupted. <I don’t think he’s going to listen.>
<He’d better,> I shot back privately. <This is how we end up getting ourselves killed. We can’t just charge in half-cocked—>
<I know,> she said. <I know. But—aren’t you listening? You’re not going to talk him out of this one. And besides, what if he’s right?>
<If he gets himself killed in there—>
<Saving the world, remember? I kind of get the feeling we’re not all going to make it through this thing anyway.>
I fell silent, looking down at the entrance from my perch in the tree, at the alien slave sitting behind the counter, pretending to be human. I could feel the moment slipping out of control, all of my calm, rational arguments falling flat in the face of the enormity of the situation. Jake could die. Jake could get captured. Jake could get exposed, and the rest of us could go down as a result.
But we did need a way to take out the pool. It was the only weakness the Yeerks had, as far as we knew. The only way to hit them all at once. And every day that went by, they were taking more people, fortifying their position.
I remembered sitting in the woods behind Jake’s house, just a few days earlier, telling Rachel that all the Yeerks needed to win the war was for us to do nothing.
But dammit, this was crazy. There was no way that the Yeerks had failed to put together some kind of Andalite response protocol. If they saw him—if they caught him—if he tripped some kind of hidden alarm—they were ready in all the ways that we were not. They would have guns. Force fields. Reinforcements.
And my best friend was down there alone.
<Fine,> I snapped, including Jake in the beam of my thoughts once again. <Fine. Give me twenty minutes to get down there. If you’re going to do this, I’m going to watch your back.>
<Hey, wait—what about me?> Rachel objected.
<No,> said Jake.
<What? Why?>
<You’ve got to stay outside so we can feed you information,> I explained. <If we both—I mean, if anything goes wrong, you and Cassie and Tobias need as much intel as possible.>
I launched myself out of the tree, spiraling down toward the roof of the building. I could demorph there and remorph into a fly—with a little guidance from Rachel, I should at least be able to find my way into the lobby, where I could hitch a ride on the next Controller to pass through.
<Besides,> I said, trying to inject a little humor into the situation, <it’s the YMCA. Men get dibs.>
For some reason, neither one of them laughed.
* * *
<Where’s Mikayla?> I asked as the last of my human body disappeared again, my feet curling and hardening into the sharp talons of an Australian ghost bat.
<Gone already,> Jake said. <You probably passed her on your way in without noticing.>
<So that’s, what—half and hour or so, that someone’s Yeerk needs to swim around and feed?>
We were both on top of the plastic supply closet, wedged into the back corner of the cavernous room, hidden from view by the dim lighting and the gently peaked roof. I had managed to make it all the way in as a fly, and had demorphed and remorphed as quickly as I could, fear prickling my spine as soon as it grew into place. Jake had done the same, resetting his clock. It would have been better if we could have shared the lizard morph, but we’d both acquired it from Cassie, and we still weren’t totally clear on how the interference thing worked.
<Sounds about right,> Jake said, his voice still hard and cold.
I didn’t blame him. The Yeerk pool was every bit as horrible as his reaction had led me to believe.
There were no windows—or if there were, they’d been solidly hidden by the brownish metal plates that had replaced the usual paint and tile. The space was dimly lit with a hellish red glow, like a sunset in the middle of a dust storm. The air was filled with screams and sobs, and a sulphurous, evil smell lay like a layer of smog over everything. There were six half-filled cages evenly spaced around the pool, up against the walls, each large enough to hold thirty or forty people.
But the worst by far was the pool itself. It was huge, almost Olympic-sized, and filled to the brim with a dark, sludgelike liquid that constantly swelled and splashed as the Yeerks surged beneath the surface. There were two long metal piers stretching out into the middle, each about ten feet wide. Both were manned by the demon aliens Jake had described—on the first pier, they stood by to seize people as soon as their Yeerks relinquished control, and on the second, they dragged those same people back out and forced their heads under the water.
Some of the people cried. Others yelled and fought, struggling uselessly against the seven-foot-tall monsters. The saddest were the ones who didn’t even try—who just hung there, limp, as the aliens threw them into the cages and then brought them back out half an hour later. I thought I recognized one of my old middle school teachers among them, and squeezed my eyes shut before I could be too sure.
Then I opened my eyes again. We needed to identify as many Controllers as possible, after all.
<I make twenty of those demon guys going back and forth, plus the seven humans,> I said, making sure to include Rachel in my thought-speak. <One by the main entrance, one in front of each cage, all carrying some kind of phaser-looking gun.>
<The demon guys, too?>
<No. But they don’t need them—they’ve got blades sticking out everywhere we’ve got wrinkles.>
Beside me, Jake twitched, his lizard tongue tasting the air. <Only one exit for sure,> he said. <All the Controllers have been coming and going through the main door. There are three doors along the long side of the pool—I’ve seen human guards going in and out of one of them, and demon guards going in and out of the middle one. The one on the right hasn’t opened.>
<Three doors?> Rachel said. <What do they look like?>
<Big. Metal. But, like, human metal. You know, the kind that has a handle on one side and a horizontal bar on the other.>
<There should only be two,> Rachel said. <I used to swim here. The one closest to the exit was the lifeguard’s office, and the other one was the break room. Had a snack bar, tables, arcade games, that kind of stuff.>
<Can you remember exactly where they were?> I asked.
<Doesn’t matter,> Jake cut in. <Mystery door is where we’re headed. Too much traffic through the other two to risk it. I’m betting the third one is storage or machinery or something like that. That’s where we’re going to be able to do some damage.>
<They’re all pointing back into the hillside,> I observed. <Might be machinery, but it could be an underground exit, too. Or they could be digging back there. Expanding.>
<Either way, that’s first on the list. After that, we can either go fly and try to get into the other rooms, or get out and check out the rest of the place. There’s a lot more to this building than just the pool.>
We set off across the darkened space—Jake darting along the floor, hugging the wall, and me flitting from perch to perch, waiting for moments when no one was looking in our direction. Once, as we passed one of the cages on our side of the pool, I thought I saw one of the prisoners look up at me. But if he saw me, he gave no sign—only slumped his shoulders and sagged back against the bars.
Soon enough, we were there. I clung to a section of piping near the ceiling, feeding Rachel more observations while Jake explored the door from below.
<I can make it underneath the crack,> he said.
<Hear anything?> I asked.
<No. You?>
<Nope. Might as well take a peek. If the coast is clear, maybe you can demorph and let me in.>
I watched as Jake vanished into the tiny space between the door and the floor. <Pitch black in here,> he said. <Rough ground—dirt and rock and gravel. I get the sense that it’s pretty roomy, but I can’t hear much of anything. There’s maybe some machinery way far off in the distance? Like a constant rumbling. But nothing close by.>
<Wait by the door for a couple of minutes,> I suggested. <Be ready to bail if anything happens. If it’s safe, you can open it up for me.>
We both fell silent. I turned my head to look out across the pool, doing my best to memorize the space. I recognized four more Controllers in the various cages—two of them kids from our own school, though not from the same grade. With a small note of surprise, I noticed that the Controller guarding the cage directly across the pool was younger than me, the dangerous-looking weapon making her small hands look fragile and delicate.
Guess age doesn’t matter much to Yeerks.
<Okay,> Jake said finally. <I feel pretty safe. I’m just going to demorph halfway—enough to open the door, then back to lizard.>
<You only need to open it about three inches,> I said. <We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves.>
Of course, if the door had an alarm on it, we were boned either way. But clearly we had decided to throw caution to the winds. Besides, they had no reason to put an alarm on an internal door, right?
Yeah, no reason at all. Definitely not like this EXACT SITUATION might have occurred to them.
With my heightened bat senses, I thought I could hear the shifting and slurping of Jake’s body as he partially demorphed on the other side of the gray metal. I wondered if half-demorphing had any affect on Jake’s time limit—if it reset his clock, or if it burned up even more of his stored charge. I made a mental note to get him out of morph a few minutes early, then realized I was being dumb and just told him.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, revealing a black space a few inches wide. I dropped like a bombshell into the crack, veering sharply to the right and latching onto one of the rough walls as the door quietly clicked shut behind me.
<It’s a tunnel,> I said, firing off an echolocation burst and letting the bat brain sort out the resulting echoes. <Maybe fifteen feet wide, round—very rough, like it was just hacked out yesterday.>
<That fits with there only being a thousand Controllers,> said someone—Rachel? <This whole operation feels like it’s still in its first month.>
<It’s long, too,> I continued. <Goes at least two hundred feet back into the hillside before it doubles back. Can’t be sure, but I think it drops off when it turns.>
With most of my attention tuned in to my sense of hearing, I also noticed the rumbling sound that Jake had reported. It sounded to me like distant digging—the scraping of dirt, the crunching of rocks. Mixed in were a million tiny clicking sounds, and an occasional otherworldly screech, like a parrot being boiled alive.
Cheerful.
<I think whatever dug this tunnel is some kind of animal,> I added, feeling my apprehension growing again. <I can hear what sounds like digging down at the other end. Sounds like it’s pretty far off, and sounds like there’s a lot of it.>
Firing off another burst, I “saw” Jake as he skittered forward, his path zigzagging a bit as he navigated the pits and rocks blind. <So we’re investigating?> I grumbled.
<There were people going in and out of the other two doors, and according to Rachel, those are just rooms. Probably the command center for the pool, and maybe barracks for those demon things. We’ll want to check them out, but this is bigger. Whatever this is, it’s not good.>
I took wing, easily outpacing Jake as I flitted through the dark tunnel, the bat brain very much at home in the dark, still air. Reaching the corner, I banked right, staying close to the ceiling. It began to slope downward at about ten degrees, the tunnel pointing back at the pool but at an angle that would take it well beneath it. This time it stretched further, maybe four hundred feet before it turned once more.
<Rachel, we might just lose contact with you,> I said. <Are you somewhere close to the ground?>
<No, but I can be,> she answered. <I’m in snipe morph. I don’t think anybody’s going to notice.>
<Jake,> I called back. <Heads up—looks like the whole thing is one big downward spiral.>
<Rachel, keep pinging us every thirty seconds or so,> Jake ordered. <If we lose touch, I want to know when and where it happens.>
<Roger.>
We continued spiraling downward for the next five minutes, taking two more turnings just like the first. The tunnel began to widen, with small offshoots appearing. I fired echolocation bursts into the first few entrances. Some of them were just tiny alcoves, but some of them opened up into caves or twisted and turned out of sight.
<This reminding you of anything?> I asked, as we took another turning and the side holes began to appear more and more frequently.
<Yeah,> Jake said grimly. <That aluminum anthill cast that Ms. Miller showed us back in sixth grade.>
<I vote we go back,> I said, fluttering up to a boulder sticking out of the wall and resting my wings. <Those noises are a lot clearer now, and I’m not sure I want to meet whatever ant digs tunnels this big.>
Jake came to a halt as well, his lizard tongue tasting the air again. <Yeah,> he said. <I’m getting some really strong smells from some of the side tunnels, too, and the lizard brain doesn’t like them at all. Rachel, you still there? How much time do we have left in morph?>
<You guys remorphed only twelve minutes ago. Jake, you’ve got until 9:52—that’s an hour and fifty-two minutes. Marco’s got until 10:16—two hours sixteen.>
<Intel,> Jake said. <The more we know, the more likely we are to find something we can use to blow this whole thing sky-high.>
<Do we really have to know what’s at the end of the evil fucking tunnel, to know that we’re going to need to deal with it one way or another? I’m tired of waiting for something to go wrong, here, and I’m definitely starting to get a zombies-creeping-up-behind-you feeling from all those open tunnels we passed.>
<Fine,> Jake conceded. He spun around in the dark and began heading back uphill. <This the right way?>
<Mostly,> I said. <You’re going to want to bear left a little—no, left, that’s the entrance to one of the offshoots—>
<AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!>
It happened in a flash—an explosion of movement and sound, followed by Jake’s psychic scream. I found myself in midair, the bat brain fully in control as I zigzagged back down the tunnel, away from danger.
<Jake!> I cried out, forcing the body’s instincts into submission and wheeling around again. I fired off another echolocation burst, and almost dropped out of the air in horror.
It was a giant centipede, almost ten feet long, its conical legs the length of butcher’s knives and each of its segments as large as a barrel. It had four irregular, jelly-like eyes spaced radially around its front end, and a gaping, circular mouth like a gun barrel, lined with rows and rows of teeth. As I watched, the monster slammed its “face” into the ground again, an awful crunching sound filling the air as it sheared away a layer of stone the size of a steering wheel.
<AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! IT ATE ME!>
<Jake, demorph! Demorph now!>
I dove toward the heaving alien monster, ignoring the bat’s desperate fear as I raked my talons across one of its jelly eyes. The thing screamed, a feral shriek that echoed down the tunnel. With heart-stopping dread, I heard another shriek in answer.
<Jake!> I cried out again.
<What’s happening?> someone shouted.
Rachel. <Jake’s down,> I shouted back, flittering around and stabbing at another of the hideous eyes, barely dodging as the monster thrashed and reached for me with a whiplike tongue. <Alien—like a giant centipede—it was completely silent, must not have even been moving, I didn’t see it, didn’t hear it—JAKE!>
<I’m here!> he called out, his voice thick with panic. <I’m alive—demorphing. It got—the lizard body, it’s dying, but I think I can—>
<What do I do?> Rachel asked, frantic.
<Nothing,> I said, ripping into the alien’s third eye. <Stay there—if we go down, you have to—>
I broke off. As the alien screamed again, I heard the answering cries once more, already sounding closer. <Jake, are you going to make it?> I demanded.
<Think so. Burning—acid—can’t breathe—>
<We’re going to have company,> I said, and—hating myself—I abandoned my attack on the monster and flew back up the tunnel, landing a few dozen yards uphill. I began to demorph as quickly as I could, my mind racing to choose the right weapon—Andalite, tiger, tarantula hawk—
Behind me, the alien scream changed in pitch, grew higher and became a gurgle. I fired off another echolocation burst as my wings thickened back into arms, saw the unnatural bulge in the alien’s midsection as Jake grew within its belly. There was a horrible ripping sound, a sick-wet squelch, and with the last of my bat vision I saw a fist tearing its way through the soft tissue.
If I’d had a normal stomach, I would have vomited. A foul, greasy stench filled the air, and I heard more tearing and splattering as Jake fought his way out of the alien’s corpse, gasping for air.
How long did we have before more of them arrived? My super-sensitive hearing was gone, but I could still hear the echoing cries of other monster worms, could now make out the clatter of a thousand needle feet on rock and gravel. I was halfway out of morph, Jake was twenty seconds ahead of me—
I couldn’t see it, but I heard it. Jake’s panicked yell as the first of them arrived, turning into a wild shriek as the unmistakable sound of chomping and chewing filled the tunnel. It was like a feeding frenzy, a wild orgy of violence and hunger as what sounded like fifty other worms crammed themselves into the narrow space, all of them screeching and gnashing their teeth.
Jake screamed again, and I screamed with him, hoping to give him something to latch onto, a direction to crawl toward—anything. I felt Elfangor’s tail slither out of my spine, and I staggered forward, half-morphed, groping in the dark. My hands touched alien flesh, and I spun, striking out with the still-growing blade, feeling hot liquid gush across my body as I made contact.
<Jake!> I cried. There was no answer. Again and again I struck, fumbling blindly forward, following the sounds of the worms as they turned on each other and began to eat their wounded, always checking to be sure that I didn’t hit Jake, careless of my own limbs. One of the monsters got ahold of my right arm and ripped it off at the elbow before I lopped off its top quarter; another seized one of my legs and was stomped into the dirt. Behind me, Jake’s screams began to taper off, his breathing labored and weak as I carved my way further and further down the tunnel.
<Jake!> I called out again, remembering Elfangor’s mortal wound as my own blood gushed from a dozen ragged holes. <Jake, morph! Morph now!>
He offered no response, and I switched to Rachel. <Rachel, talk to Jake! Stay on him, get him to morph, don’t let up until he answers you back in thought-speak!>
<What—>
<He’s dying, just do it!>
In the back of my mind, I heard Rachel take up the call, and I let go of everything else, spinning and slicing and stomping, becoming a whirlwind of death. Finally, after what felt like twelve lifetimes, I buried my tail blade in the last of the horde, with only the fading squeaks of the dying around me. I could taste bile through my hooves, could feel whole swaths of fur and flesh missing, sense the numbness of my arm where it ended in a mangled stump. Ahead of me, further down the tunnel, I could hear another group of monsters approaching.
<Jake, are you there? Get uphill—get past the bodies, where it’s clear.>
They were cannibals—if we could get far enough past the pile, maybe none of them would bother to chase us. I followed my own advice, slowly picking my way against the gentle slope of the tunnel floor, placing each step carefully so as not to crush my friend. A wave of dizziness hit me and I stumbled, my head spinning from blood loss.
My Andalite body was dying.
<Jake!> I screamed. <Where are you?>
“I’m alive,” came the answer, weak but clear. “I think they—they ate—I couldn’t think straight—ended up in my own body. My morph armor.”
<No problem,> I said. <Can you walk?>
“Yeah. I can’t see, though. And I’m barefoot.”
<Can’t help it. Just head uphill. Left hand on the wall, right hand out in front, spiral up.>
“The holes—”
<There aren’t any of them in the higher holes,> I said. <They all came up from below.>
We began moving, Jake unsteady, my own pace slow as I demorphed in motion. Behind us, the clamor rose again as the next group of worms found the pile of corpses and began to feed.
“What—what were those—”
“I don’t know,” I said, my human mouth emerging. “But whatever they are, it looks like they’re not about to pass up a free meal to come chase us.”
Far ahead of us, echoing down the tunnel, came the faint but unmistakable sound of a door slamming shut. “Dammit!” I muttered. “They’re coming down to investigate.”
“Side tunnels,” Jake said, still sounding weak and exhausted.
“Screw that.”
“Like you said…worms all down below…”
I grimaced in the darkness. He was right. Groping for his hand, I turned and retraced my steps to the last hole we’d passed. It was one of the shallow ones, going just a dozen feet back into the rock, with a slight turn to one side at the very end. I pushed Jake in front of me, hiding him in the little alcove, and began to morph once again, hoping that I still had at least one change left before exhaustion hit.
“What are you doing?” Jake asked, his voice a pale whisper.
“Gorilla,” I said. “It’s black—won’t show up in the dark.”
Twenty seconds later, a dim, unsteady glow appeared in the tunnel, brightening rapidly as the sound of running feet grew nearer. By the time the glow was bright enough to see my own hands and feet, my skin had already turned black and coarse hairs were beginning to sprout from every pore.
I’d practiced the gorilla morph just once since borrowing it from Cassie. I’d tried to rip a six-inch-thick sapling out of the ground. It hadn’t quite worked, because I’d accidentally ripped the tree in half.
<Stay back,> I warned Jake. <This thing is narrow, but if they come on hard enough, I can’t keep them all from slipping past me.>
I clenched two fists the size of cinderblocks and waited. The thunder of feet grew louder still, and the tunnel suddenly glowed bright as daylight as the investigators rounded the nearest hairpin bend—
—and ran right past our little hiding spot without so much as a glance, a dozen of the demon monsters carrying lights and what looked like ordinary human cattle prods. They were visible for barely two seconds, and then they were gone, the light dimming as they sprinted downhill toward the feeding frenzy.
But—
I felt my brain click into overdrive. Cannibals—tunnel diggers—bloodlust—this wasn’t the first time the monster worms had collapsed into violent chaos. The Yeerks still didn’t know we were here.
<Come on,> I said, reaching back to guide Jake out of the alcove and into the main tunnel. <We’ve got to get out of here before they come back.>
The Yeerks didn’t know we were here, which meant they wouldn’t be standing in a semicircle around the door with guns. The smart thing to do was to demorph and remorph, using the fly or the lizard to sneak out the same way we’d snuck in.
But I’d heard Jake screaming in the darkness, and I remembered the damage that my own Andalite body had taken. That hadn’t been Jake-in-morph—it had been Jake. If he demorphed back to his own body, there was no telling whether he’d be able to hold it together long enough to make it through another change. Not to mention that I’d morphed six times myself in the past thirty minutes.
We were going to have to make a break for it.
<Rachel,> I broadcast. <You there?>
<Yes,> she replied immediately. <What’s going on? Are you both all right?>
<No,> I said. <But we’re alive.> Behind me, Jake stumbled and collapsed, and I reached back and lifted him into the air, throwing him over my shoulder. <Jake’s in a bad way. He’s human and can’t morph. I need to know the building exit closest to the pool.>
Thankfully, Rachel didn’t ask any stupid questions. <Out the double doors and immediately left,> she said. <It opens out into the lower parking lot.>
<We’re going to make a run for it,> I said. <Cover’s going to be blown. You got anything that can keep them off our backs while we bail? Something that can make a good escape on its own?>
<Cassie gave me the tiger.>
<They’ll have guns.>
<I’ll take out the ones with guns first.>
<Okay. Three minutes?>
<Five, to demorph and remorph and get in position.>
<Counting.>
I slowed as we turned around the final corner, the metal door outlined in red light two hundred feet away. <Jake,> I murmured. <You ready?>
There was no answer. Reaching up with a giant fist, I put my hand on his back. He was still breathing, long and slow and deep. He must have passed out.
Better that way anyway. I lowered him gently to the floor, feeling around for a patch of dirt or mud. Finding one, I began gently painting his face and hair, obscuring his identity as best I could.
I felt strangely calm, given the circumstances. Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was hormones. Maybe it was the gorilla, who knew next to nothing of fear. But for once, I found myself unable to worry. There was nothing to plan for, no uncertainty to integrate, no options to consider. It was no longer a question of whether—it had simply become a question of when.
Behind me, the echoes of the feeding frenzy were tapering off as the demon guards restored order. How long did we have before they started making their way back up to the surface?
<Rachel?>
<Almost remorphed. Ninety seconds.>
I hauled Jake back onto my shoulder, picturing the path from door to door, the line that would take me past the cage, along the pool, and out through the half-built alien archway. I could make the run in under ten seconds, if I didn’t slow down. But there were the demon’s blades, and the armed humans—two of them directly between us and freedom.
The cage.
I smiled. Apparently, gorillas do that.
<Go now,> Rachel whispered. <I’ll be there by the time you get out.>
I loped forward, feeling like a freight train. I was going faster than a human could run by the time I hit the door, and it flew off its hinges and skidded straight into the pool. It hadn’t even hit the water by the time I had reached the first human guard.
I sank a fist into his stomach, grateful that it wasn’t the cage across the pool—the one guarded by the little girl. I hit a little too hard, and felt a sickening crunch as he went down.
Around me, the other Controllers were starting to react. I heard cries of “Andalite!” and squinted my eyes shut against the flash of some kind of laser weapon. Roaring, I picked up the fallen guard’s weapon and brandished it wildly, unable to pull the trigger but hoping that the Controllers wouldn’t realize that. I tucked it under my arm for later, took one step, and reached for the cage door.
It was locked, of course.
The gorilla didn’t care.
There was another flash of light, and I roared again as pain lanced across my shoulder. I swung the cage door like a Frisbee, and hooted with satisfaction as my attacker—the human at the entrance—dodged out of the way. The hunk of metal smashed into the weird archway flanking the double doors, and there was another flash of light as some kind of alien power supply surged and died.
I saw the demon guards, running down the piers as they moved to cut me off.
I saw the other human guards, cowering behind their guns.
I heard the prisoners yelling behind me, shouting their defiance as they poured out of the cage.
And I saw freedom in front of me.
I ran.
* * *
I looked at Jake.
Jake looked at me.
Around us, the patch of grass was covered in blood, spurts and spatters and one thick pool, quickly soaking into the dry earth.
“Okay,” I said, fighting to keep my voice level. “So you can’t demorph.”
Jake’s face was pale in the moonlight as he began to unwind the makeshift tourniquets from his left bicep, his left ankle, his right knee. He said nothing—only bit his lip as he reached into our t-shirt cache and began to wipe the gore off of his newly-reformed arms and legs.
“Maybe if we went to a hospital, got you into an emergency room first—”
“No,” Jake said, his voice cracking. “We can’t risk it. Any one of the doctors could be a Controller. We know they’ve taken EMTs, remember? Even if they aren’t, how do we explain a perfectly healthy kid’s arms and legs suddenly disappearing and being replaced by—by—”
He broke off, sucking in a breath. Squaring his shoulders, he turned to face me with solemn, ageless eyes. “We can’t risk it,” he repeated. “Humanity, the whole war, everything. You know that. If I’d died back in the tunnel—”
He broke off again, and I scrubbed angrily at my eyes.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair.
Sure, we’d been stupid. I had been stupid. I’d let him talk me into it, even though I knew it was risky, even though I knew we didn’t have a plan. And now—
What?
What was going to happen?
“Not your fault, Marco. I’m in charge, remember?”
A joke. I needed a joke. Something to laugh about, some reason why I shouldn’t just say fuck it and give up.
“This was still a success. You guys know where the pool is. For the next day or two, you know how it’s guarded. You ID’ed like six Controllers, and who knows—maybe some of them got out after us. And we have the gun.”
I looked down at the alien weapon, lying on the grass between us. It glistened wetly beneath the stars, covered in my best friend’s blood.
One mistake. We made one mistake! Things shouldn’t go this wrong based on one fucking mistake!
Come on, Marco, you know better than that. Your mom made one mistake, too. You’ve already learned this lesson.
“Besides,” Jake continued, “maybe I’ll get lucky. I mean, at least I ended up back in my own body. I could’ve panicked and gotten stuck as a bird or something. Maybe—maybe it’ll work out, you know?”
It wouldn’t. The universe just wasn’t that kind.
“Look, man, can you say something? I mean, I hate to be—whatever—but, I dunno. I just—I could use a little Marco right now.”
I looked up, feeling a lump the size of a cue ball in my throat. Jake’s smile was lopsided and cracked, his eyes full of fear.
Say something funny, asshole!
But I had nothing.
“I’ll—” I began, and then I broke off. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “I’ll look after Cassie. And Tom. And your parents. I’ll make sure—I’ll make sure they come through this.”
Jake let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing fractionally. “I know. No better hands, man.” He looked up at the moon. “How much time do I have?”
I checked the watch we’d left in the cache of clothes. “Maybe two minutes. Maybe more. I don’t know exactly when it happened.”
“I guess I should lay down, or something. In case I faint or whatever.”
He took a few steps away from the bloodstained patch, and slowly lowered himself down to the ground, lacing his fingers together behind his head. I felt my fists clenching, felt an all-consuming anger building up inside me, threatening to tear everything apart.
Not yet. Not until after.
I sat down beside him, crossing my legs, forcing myself to stay calm, to breathe, to run my fingers through the grass without ripping it up. I wished I had something meaningful to say to him—some secret I’d kept locked away, some apology I’d always held back.
But we didn’t have anything like that between us.
Except—
“Jake.”
“Mmm.”
“When my mom drowned.”
“Mmm?”
“I never said thanks. For—for everything.”
The grass rustled as Jake propped himself up on his elbows and looked over at me. “Which things?” he asked quietly.
“For—”
My voice hitched, and I swallowed. “For never telling me some bullshit like sorry for your loss,” I said, as steadily as I could. “For dragging me out to Six Flags on the anniversary. For laughing at all my stupid jokes. God, every one. You laughed at every single one, man. That—those laughs kept me going.”
Jake nodded, another crooked smile spreading across his face. “Yeah,” he said. “Those were some good jokes.”
Last chance, Marco.
“Hey, Jake—what’s Helen Keller’s favorite color?”
He shrugged.
“Velcro.”
There was a heartbeat’s pause, and then Jake threw back his head and laughed—a long, rich laugh, full of light and life. “You dork,” he said. “You’re going to go to hell for that one.”
He reached over and punched my knee, and I smiled weakly. Then he lay back once more, his eyes closing as his breathing slowed.
“Jake,” I said softly.
Then again, louder. “Jake.”
There was no answer.
Chapter 9: Interlude 1
Notes:
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Chapter Text
Interlude
[PULSING PRESSURE, A VISION OF DEEP BLOODRED]
[A GOLDEN SUN, JUST ABOVE THE HORIZON, SINKING FAST]
[A CLIFF WHERE THE WORLD SEEMS TO END, LOOKING OUT OVER NOTHINGNESS]
…
[EIGHT BRIGHT LEAVES SWIRLING IN A POOL; ONE IS CAUGHT IN A CURRENT AND SWEPT ONWARD DOWN THE STREAM]
[A SEVEN-FINGERED HAND REACHING INTO A BAG AND FINDING NOTHING]
[A VAST EMPTINESS OF PURE WHITE; A BLACK MOTE OF INFINITE DENSITY]
[A STORM RAGES OUTSIDE; A CAVE, WARM AND DRY]
[A BURDEN THAT CAN NO LONGER BE BORNE; ARMS COLLAPSING IN EXHAUSTION]
[A CLOUD IN THE SKY IN THE SHAPE OF A BIRD; THE WIND BLOWS AND THE CLOUD DISAPPEARS]
…
[A WELL-TRODDEN PATH THROUGH TALL GRASS]
[A HOME NOT SEEN FOR MANY YEARS]
[AN IMAGE OF AN ANDALITE FACE, REFLECTED IN STILL WATER]
…
[A BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE; A CAVE, WARM AND DRY]
[AN ALIEN BODY, WITH PALE PINK SKIN, FOUR LIMBS, AND TWO EYES FLANKING A HOOF]
[A CIRCLE OF ANDALITES, MOVING TOWARD THE SUN, LEAVING A LONE INDIVIDUAL BEHIND]
[A STRING, STRETCHING—A STRING, SNAPPED]
[A DARK SKY WITH NO STARS; AN INFINITE SADNESS]
…
[AN ENORMOUS CAVE, FILLED WITH THE FLICKERING LIGHT OF TORCHES. A CROWD OF ANDALITES, EACH WITH ALL FOUR EYES TURNED TO FACE THE WALL. A PAINTING IN SAP AND ICHOR, A BLUE SHAPE WITH SIX LIMBS AND A LONG, SINUOUS TAIL. ONE BY ONE, EACH ANDALITE PASSES; ONE BY ONE, EACH ANDALITE GOUGES THE STONE IN THE PLACE WHERE THE TAIL ENDS.]
Translation:
‹Warning—you are approaching the time limit. In seven minutes, energy reserves will be depleted and the Z-space alcove will decohere. You must-should-please-truth-unity demorph. If you remain in your construct, you will die. You will never be forgotten.›
Chapter 10: Rachel
Summary:
Rachel struggles with her personal demons, and again finds herself taking unilateral action.
Chapter Text
Chapter 09: Rachel
Letting the blood-soaked handgun fall from my jaws, I turned in a tight circle and froze, listening.
I could hear the shouting and chaos in the distance as the escaped humans continued to struggle against the Yeerks inside the YMCA, the sounds leaking out through the door Marco had smashed off its hinges.
I could hear the lumbering of noisy human Controllers as they tromped through the woods behind the building, searching for me.
I could hear the movements of the alien demon-things, far stealthier as they worked their way from tree to tree, hardly ever touching the ground.
All of the sounds were close, confined to the ten or so acres of park just beyond the lower parking lot. I’d managed to slow them down as they came out of the door, and then I’d led them into the woods before circling back around. As far as I could tell, they’d given up the chase and were now focused on securing the area.
Settling down into a wary crouch, I considered my options.
I was well outside of the Yeerks’ search cone, deep within a maze of thorns and brambles almost fifty feet wide. If they stuck to their current pace, it would be at least five minutes before the Controllers reached the edge of it, and several more before they got close enough to notice me. They had left their lasers inside, and even taking the demons’ machete limbs into account, I was pretty sure I had plenty of time to think, demorph, and remorph. They clearly didn’t have—or weren’t using—any kind of heat-seeking or life-detecting technology, and neither the demons nor the humans could see anywhere near as well as the tiger in the thick, dark undergrowth.
What I was supposed to do—obviously—was leave. Jake and Marco were both injured, and the Yeerks were in full red-alert mode. Even in the dark, I couldn’t exactly run down the street in tiger morph—common sense said I should morph to bat or snipe and head straight for the rendezvous point.
But—
With a mental movement that felt like cocking a trigger, I stopped the thought dead in its tracks. Careful, I said to myself, slowly and deliberately. That’s how you got—
flinch
—how we ended up in this mess in the first place.
For several long seconds, I held my mind in a state of forced quiet, thinking nothing. I listened as the Controllers continued to crash through the leaves and bushes, none of them heading my way.
Okay, but the problem there was that you didn’t THINK. It was that you did the WRONG thing, not that you did-anything-at-all.
Another long pause. Far away, through the open door, I could hear the last of the commotion dying down as the Yeerks reestablished order in the area around the pool.
While Jake and Marco were still in danger, the right answer had been obvious—slow the Yeerks down, draw them off the trail, take out as many as I could while keeping myself alive. Simple, straightforward, and—given the power of the tiger morph—easy.
Now, though, things weren’t so clear.
I could leave, and head for the rendezvous.
I could stay, and try to re-infiltrate the pool—see how they handled the aftermath, watch them start repairs, maybe find out who was in charge of the whole thing. It would be risky, but with the door smashed wide open and the Yeerks in disarray, I had a one-of-a-kind opportunity to judge them in action.
On the other hand, there were plenty of Controllers outside for me to hunt.
I felt the tiger’s claws flex, digging into the mulch and loam next to the stolen handgun. There was blood on those claws, and on my chest, and on my face—some of it red, some of it a deep evergreen. If there had been a thousand Controllers at the start of the evening, there were now only nine hundred and ninety three.
You should not be okay with how okay that feels.
But I was okay with it—there was no point in pretending. After days of just sitting and waiting, it had felt good to finally do something—to take the fight to the enemy, start paying back a little bit of the fear and pain.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew that it wasn’t going to bring back Melissa, or Cassie’s parents. I knew that the people under Yeerk control were basically innocent, and that we weren’t going to win this war by killing Controllers one at a time. But they had been pointing guns at my friends, and now—
Now they weren’t. With everything else that had backfired, snowballed, and basically gone to crap, I had at least done that part right.
One for two, then.
I shifted carefully between the brambles, peering back toward the distant building. I could see two human Controllers silhouetted in the wrecked doorway, both armed. There was no one else in the parking lot; all the rest of the guards were either in the woods with me, or keeping order inside. Off to my right, I could hear the search teams getting closer, only a few minutes away from the edge of the briar patch.
Time to make a decision.
I began to demorph, keeping my front right paw near the gun, ready to grab it as soon as I had a trigger finger.
Heading for the rendezvous is your default choice. Anything else has to have benefits that outweigh the risk.
By that measure, staying in the woods to hunt Controllers was clearly the wrong move. It would make me feel better, but the risk of getting ambushed was high—and getting higher—and there was no real payoff at the end of it. A dozen Controllers, more or less, wasn’t going to make any difference in the overall war. I’d thought about trying to drag one of the demon-things off somewhere so that I could acquire it, but they were moving through the trees in trios, watching one another’s backs, and I wasn’t at all sure I could take on three of them at once.
That left trying to infiltrate the pool.
After tonight, they’re going to quadruple their security. This might be your only chance to gather intel. And besides, they think the attack is over. I mean, they saw you and Marco both trying to escape. They’re not going to expect anybody else to—
I cut off the thought, grimacing through half-human teeth. That was wishful thinking—of course they’d be on guard against a follow-up attack. They were probably already scouring the inside of the building for any Andalites who’d stayed behind, doing checks of every Controller to make sure there weren’t any morphed impostors.
But how would they scour the building? Would they have detectors? Robotic drones? Would the Controllers have to give passwords, or was there some kind of special sensor that could scan for the presence of a Yeerk inside someone’s head?
Jake had pushed for this mission—pushed hard, against Marco’s objections—because he’d recognized that we needed information. We still knew next to nothing about the Yeerks’ operation—what kinds of technology they’d brought with them, what their major targets were, how they worked together as a group. The stuff Jake and Marco had relayed to me over the past hour barely scratched the surface of what we needed to know.
And I probably could get inside. I had the fly and the bat, not to mention the human woman, and it was dark in the pool area—dark enough that Jake’s lizard morph had gone unnoticed. Given the fact that half of the guards were still out in the woods, this was probably the best chance I was ever going to get.
I tried to picture Marco’s face, to imagine his response after he heard that I’d gone back into the pool. But I couldn’t pull up anything useful. He’d yell, probably, but I didn’t know what he’d yell about.
The long, shallow gash along my flank—a gift from one of the demons—began to knit together and disappear, even as the flesh beneath it halved and halved again, my body going from over five hundred pounds down to my normal one-oh-five.
Are you sure you’re not doing this just to make yourself feel better?
I calmed my thoughts again, turning my attention to my body as the last traces of tiger vanished, leaving me exposed and human in the middle of the briar patch. I dropped my mind into my chest, searching for sensation—for the tightness of fear, the vibrating heat of anger, the cold pressure of fury.
I didn’t feel emotional.
And we did need information.
And this was the right moment to try to get it.
…right?
I clenched my fists, my right hand curling tight around the grip of the handgun. This kind of double-thinking and second-guessing—it wasn’t me. I was used to trusting my instincts.
But those instincts had gotten the Withers and the Chapmans killed.
Well, you can’t just sit here forever.
Gritting my teeth, I began to morph again, shrinking down and away from the thorns, focusing on the fly in all of its gross, tiny detail.
It wasn’t a decision—not in the sense of knowing what I was doing, of being sure or even confident. I didn’t actually know that I would be able to handle whatever was waiting for me beyond the broken door. I didn’t actually know that I was making the right choice.
There was no chance, though, that I could just walk away, having let Jake and Marco take all of the risks, pay all of the consequences. Not when this whole thing was my fault to begin with.
Once around the pool, then out. No heroics, no unnecessary risks.
I at least tried to believe it.
* * *
The Yeerks were most definitely not stupid.
It took me ten minutes to get past the two Controllers guarding the entrance, both of whom were wielding some kind of wide-beam ray gun and watching the doorway like hawks. I couldn’t be sure, with the fly’s insanely shattered vision, but I thought I saw them take out a dozen mosquitoes, a couple of fireflies, and at least one squirrel. In the end, I had to wait until one of them sneezed, zooming past at ground level while the other one reflexively said “Bless you.”
The interior of the building was lit by over a hundred spotlights, every surface illuminated and shadowless, with no place for a bat or a lizard to hide. There was a handful of technicians busy dismantling the wreckage of the alien archway that Marco had smashed, and another pair trying to repair the door to one of the large cages. There weren’t any scanners or robot drones, but there were plenty of regular old humans walking around, each armed with the same wide-beam burner. I stayed as high as I could, hoping to avoid notice.
Unfortunately, this meant that I couldn’t even catch the vibrations from the Controllers down below, let alone try to interpret it as speech. I spent three heart-pounding minutes changing bodies on the roof of the shed in the corner, after first circling the area four times to confirm that there were no obvious cameras and that none of the sentries circling below were climbing up to check it. The very last morph that Cassie had given me before disappearing into the mountains was a bird called a white-throated needletail. It was about the same size as a robin, with black feathers everywhere except the throat and the tail. She’d called it the cheetah of the skies, said it could fly over a hundred miles per hour in a straight line.
“It can’t hold that speed for very long,” she’d told me. “Maybe a couple of miles. I couldn’t use it when—the snipe is better, if you need to go farther than that. But if you ever need a quick getaway, this can take you from the school to the mall in about forty-five seconds.”
Even so, I’d kept an extremely low profile, forcing the bird body to flatten itself against the roof just below the peak. There was no point in taking chances, after all, and the needletail was perfectly capable of seeing and hearing at a distance.
As it turned out, though, there was almost nothing to see or hear. Nothing that didn’t match with Jake and Marco’s descriptions, anyway. Other than the repairmen and the handful of extra guards sweeping the space, the Yeerks had already returned to normal. There were only a few children remaining in the cages—it was already after nine o’clock, and the YMCA closed at ten—but there were still plenty of people, most of them wearing the kind of clothes my mom and dad wore to work.
Occasionally, one of the side doors would open briefly. The middle one seemed to be mostly for the demon-things, and the one closest to the entrance mostly for humans, although occasionally one of the demons would come in from outside and go through it—reporting, maybe? Although that didn’t make much sense, since they presumably all had communicators.
The door on the right gaped open, its frame twisted out and away from the wall where Marco had burst through. Inside was a tunnel of the deepest black, flanked by six demon guards carrying ordinary human guns. Occasionally, I thought I heard the scrape of something moving inside, but it was impossible to be sure over the sounds of sobbing and screaming.
It was those sobs and screams that kept drawing my attention. They weren’t quite what I had been expecting—the way Jake and Marco had described them, it had sounded like there would be nothing but horror and despair. And maybe there had been, forty-five minutes ago, but now there was a different quality in the chorus of voices.
Defiance.
“Fuck you!” one man was shouting, his face wild and sweaty, his suit in disarray. He was pressed up against the bars, as close to his captors as he could get, occasionally reaching through to swipe at the passing guards, or to throw up his middle fingers. “Fuck all of you, you fucking slugs! You’re going to die, every last motherfucking one of you! I’m going to pour salt into your fucking pool and swim in it!”
“You can beat them!” yelled a middle-aged woman in a floral dress. Her hands were cupped to her mouth as she called across the pool to the other cages. “If you try hard enough, you can take back control! If enough of us do it, there’s no way they can keep it a secret!”
“Sam!” cried a young boy, his voice breaking. “Sam, don’t worry! It’s going to be okay! I’m here, Sam! I’m not going to leave you!”
Farther back within the cages, small groups had formed around individuals who were crying or screaming, men and women offering what comfort and solace they could. I could see a trio of teenage girls—just a few years older than me—huddled together in a corner, their expressions grim but determined as they spoke in rapid, low whispers.
Once, a man began taking off his belt—whether to use it as a tool or a weapon, I couldn’t tell—only to be stunned by one of the human guards. As his body sagged, the rest of the prisoners surged forward, spitting and hissing and throwing change. Each time the demon-things came to open the door, they had to activate some kind of force field that rooted everyone in place, and twice the people packed themselves so densely around the door that the whole group had to be stunned and heaved aside.
I had expected it to be bad.
I hadn’t expected it to give me hope.
Still flat against the roof, I turned my head, sweeping my gaze across the five half-filled cages. I wanted with all my heart to call out to them, to offer some scrap of encouragement or support. Or better yet, to join them—to put on Elfangor’s body and carve my way through the enemy, breaking open the cages and setting every last one of them free.
But that already happened, whispered the tiny voice in the back of my head. Marco let them out, and the Yeerks just rounded them up and put them right back in.
Balance of power—there were just too many Controllers. Twenty or thirty running the reinfestation process, another twenty or thirty sweeping the space, another twenty or thirty outside, and who knew how many lurking behind the doors or in the rest of the building.
We couldn’t win this war. Not with just me and Jake and Cassie and Marco and Tobias and the kid Jake said Tobias had recruited. Not against a thousand of them, with twenty thousand more just waiting to crawl out of the pool.
I clicked my beak and fluffed my feathers. It was time to get out of there, to catch up with Jake and Marco and start planning our next move. Staying low, I turned my attention back to the entrance, measuring the danger. There were enough Controllers between me and the door that it might make more sense to morph back to—
I paused, letting my thoughts coast to a halt as the seed of an idea blossomed in the back of my mind. I looked back at the cages, at the people still shouting their contempt. I looked at the guards, at the pattern of their movements, the spread of their formation. I counted quietly in my head, watching as a human Controller swept past the shed, her burner at the ready.
One hundred miles per hour times about five thousand feet per mile is five hundred thousand feet per hour divided by sixty minutes in an hour is about ten thousand feet per minute divided by sixty seconds in a minute is about two hundred feet per second. Double it for the time it takes me to get up to speed, and double it again for dodging and slowing down at the door—
Four seconds.
I could make it through, even if the Controllers were on alert. It could work.
NO, said the tiny voice, suddenly not so tiny. Not like this. You know what happened last time.
This is different, I argued, straining my ears as I trained my eyes on the farthest cage. It wasn’t easy, but I thought I could make out the voices of two of the loudest people, even from over a hundred feet away. They’re not going to kill ALL of them.
How do you know that?
Slowly, carefully, I pushed myself up to my feet, standing a few inches back from the peak of the roof, resisting the urge to flap.
I didn’t know that. I couldn’t, couldn’t be sure, not after what they’d done to the Chapmans, and to Cassie’s parents. But there were over a hundred people spread out between the five cages. Even if the Yeerks had doubled their presence in the week since the construction site, they couldn’t afford to lose that many hosts.
Could they?
You can’t, the voice insisted.
But it was wrong. Marco couldn’t. Jake couldn’t. Cassie and Tobias couldn’t. And maybe I could learn a thing or two from them, from the rest of our ragtag little army. One week in, and my mistakes had already cost us more than I could ever repay. A part of me had been screaming never again nonstop since Saturday.
But this was just the kind of crazy risk that the rest of me had been crying out for, ever since the moment Elfangor’s ship decloaked in front of us. It was all-or-nothing, win or lose, with me and a couple hundred captives balanced against maybe the whole war effort. If the needletail was fast enough, I’d be outside in minutes, and if it wasn’t—
I looked back at the first cage, at the middle finger man. He was still shouting, his voice showing no sign of giving out.
Well. At least this time, the consequences would fall on the willing. On me, and my fellow warriors—the ones who refused to give up.
I waited on the roof while the guards made a few more rounds—considering the timing, practicing the words in my head. I tried to recall the huge strangeness of Elfangor’s voice, the heavy, prophetic tone.
Don’t do this, the voice whispered, one final, quiet plea.
But we needed information, and this was the right moment to get it.
Flexing my wings, I pushed my thoughts out into the air, willing them into the heads of the prisoners in the cages, leaving out everyone else—the people on the piers, the Controllers, the stalking demons. I made my voice as loud as possible, forming each word with careful precision.
<HUMANS,> I bellowed, and the air fell silent. <My name is Elfangor.>
The guards paused in their rounds, unnerved by the sudden and unexplained calm.
<I fight the Yeerks,> I said. <I and my fellow Andalites. You fight them as well, and for that I honor you.>
Somewhere in the background, an alarm began to wail. The middle door opened, and a dozen of the demon guards poured out onto the floor, their heads turning in every direction. I was above them, between them and the spotlights, hidden by the glare.
<I cannot free you today,> I said. <But if you hate the Yeerks—if you would see them gone from this planet—then search your memories. You have seen their plans—they have used your bodies to carry out their foul purpose. I need information—the identity of highly placed Controllers—the locations of their major targets—any tactical detail that might allow us to strike a blow against them. You will suffer for this. Your controllers will punish you for speaking out. But if you have the knowledge I seek, shout it—shout it now! I will hear it, and I will make them pay!>
There was a pause, a silence like the gap between lightning and thunder, and then the voices rose once more.
I listened, my heart breaking.
I listened, and then I flew, leaving all of them behind.
* * *
“Marco!” I cried out, emerging from the woods. “Sorry—I stayed behind, went back into the pool. I heard—I found out—”
I broke off as Marco turned, felt all of the strength go out of my legs as I saw the tears on his face, glistening in the light of the campfire.
* * *
Taking in a breath, I padded closer to the flame. I could feel the tiger’s indecision, the mix of fascination and fear.
It’s just pain. It isn’t permanent.
Slowly, hesitantly, I reached out with one giant paw, feeling the heat of the fire soak its way into my muscles. The sensation peaked, spiked, and I jerked back reflexively, the claws unsheathing themselves. Gathering my resolve, I inched closer and reached out again.
Pain, you can handle.
Every muscle of the tiger’s five hundred pound body began to tremble as the air filled with the smell of burning flesh and hair.
Just pain.
The heat traveled in waves up my leg—fire—followed by liquid ice—followed by white-hot lightning—followed by a horrifying nothingness as the nerves began to die.
You are stronger than the pain.
I watched, with clinical interest.
I watched, with screaming horror.
You can do this.
A pitiful shriek tore its way out of the tiger’s mouth, a primal expression of rage and terror that could not be suppressed. It wasn’t just the pain. It was the damage. It was the loss of power, of movement, of freedom and speed. It was an antelope, escaping across the plain—a charging rhino that couldn’t be dodged—a disinterested mate, loping away. It was a lesson learned again and again over a billion years of evolution—somewhere, deep within its soul, the tiger knew that this was death.
But the tiger was not in control. I was in control, and I was not afraid.
Not of mere pain.
I pulled the ruined paw away from the flame, set it down on the rocky earth, forced myself to put weight on it. Waves of agony smashed into my brain, my vision darkening and narrowing as the tiger body begged me to stop, to roll over, to do anything else. I took a few careful steps, and the body rebelled, threatening to collapse.
I tightened my grip.
It was getting easier. The first time, it had taken me half an hour just to get close enough to blister, and I had demorphed almost in a panic, some part of me halfway convinced that the burn would still be there on my human hand. Now, I was able to run even as the tiger screamed in protest.
I circled the clearing at a sprint, taking in the sounds and smells, returning to the campfire where Jake lay motionless inside his sleeping bag. Turning, I placed my other paws in the embers, one by one, steeling myself as the flesh burned. Bending down, I seized a red-hot coal with my jaws, held it in my mouth until it stopped sizzling.
You deserve this.
The thought was just a whisper, but I moved to crush it immediately. This was not about guilt. Guilt would not bring Melissa back. It would not bring Cassie’s parents back. It would not undo the disaster at the pool, wake Jake from his coma. The only thing to be gained from punishing myself was absolution, and I didn’t want absolution.
I wanted—
<Rachel?>
Dropping the coal, I stepped away from the fire and began to demorph. <Here,> I called out. <Give me two minutes.>
“Those were burns,” Marco said tonelessly, emerging from the forest two minutes later clad in gym shorts and a t-shirt. The smell still hung thick in the air, and there were dark footprints glistening wetly near the fire.
I shrugged. “Building up pain tolerance,” I said. “Based on what you told me about what happened in the cave, it sounds like it’s probably going to come in handy.”
Marco held my gaze for a long moment, and I prepared to defend myself—I did a sweep, there was no one around, I can still fight on burnt paws, that’s the whole point—but he said nothing. Shifting, he nodded toward the sleeping bag. “Any change?” he asked.
“None,” I said. “I spent most of the afternoon dripping smoothie into him. Took forever, but I got it all in.”
“I picked up some baby wipes,” Marco said. “I didn’t get any more diapers. I figure if the box we’ve got doesn’t last…”
He trailed off, turning to gaze into the fire. “His folks are getting worried. They kept me right up to the time limit at dinner today, wanting to talk. They kept saying I wasn’t acting like myself.”
“Are they sending him—you—back to school on Monday?”
“Maybe. Right now, I’m more worried about tomorrow. They said they wanted me home by ten tonight, and I get the sense they’re thinking about taking a road trip out to the cabin, now that all the funerals are over.”
I felt my heart sink. “That’s a three hour drive, isn’t it?”
Marco nodded. “And you know Jake’s dad. No bathroom breaks. I’d have to demorph under a blanket. With Tom right there next to me.”
I looked over at my cousin, still lying exactly where I’d left him when I finished with the smoothie. His breathing was slow but shallow, the movement of the sleeping bag barely visible in the fading light.
Just like it had been two nights ago, when I’d finally arrived after escaping from the pool, five minutes too late to say goodbye.
Stop it. Don’t you dare.
“Then we take him to a hospital ourselves. You can leave a note or something, saying he ran away.”
Marco shook his head. “First thing they’ll do is just bring him back. St. Mary’s has the best neurological department in the state. I checked last night.”
It also had over four hundred doctors, nurses, technicians, and analysts, of which nearly half were Controllers. According to the prisoners, the Yeerks were planning to use the hospital for a major infestation push that would start in a little over a week. It was the third most disturbing piece of information I’d managed to fly away with.
Of course, there’s nothing to stop them from starting the push sooner, now that they think the Andalites are watching.
Or would they do something completely different instead, now that their plan was compromised?
I wasn’t sure. Figuring out that kind of stuff was Jake’s specialty, not mine.
“So we fall back to plan B,” I said brusquely, refusing to let my voice waver. “We tell his parents the truth, get them to take him somewhere out of state.”
Marco didn’t even shake his head this time, just slumped a little further as he stared into the fire. “Can’t,” he said dully. “They either listen, or they don’t, and either way—”
He sighed, as if too tired to finish the thought. “Trust me, it doesn’t work out.”
I waited, but he said nothing more. After a dozen heartbeats I began to pace back and forth, kicking at the rocks and leaves that were scattered across the little clearing.
Either way—
Trust me—
You wouldn’t understand if I explained it to you, Rachel, so I’m not going to bother.
For the hundredth time, I found myself fighting back against my brain, against the sneaking, slithering, corrosive despair it kept trying to push into my thoughts. Marco was just tired. Tired and burnt-out and grieving—it had nothing to do with me.
Still, though, I did want to understand. Gritting my teeth, I pulled my mind away from its defeatist monologue and forced it to focus.
They either listen, or they don’t—Jake’s parents would either believe us, believe in the threat, or they would think we’d gone crazy and try to get us locked up.
But that didn’t make any sense, because we could morph right in front of them. There’s no way they wouldn’t believe us after that—Marco must have meant something else.
What else would they not believe us about?
The Yeerks? I mean, morphing doesn’t prove that.
…and if they didn’t buy into the threat of the Yeerks, or even if they just underestimated it a little…
They could try to go public. Here, in town—which would get them killed or taken—or elsewhere, which would either get them locked up or maybe actually work, in which case the Yeerks might give up on their slow infiltration and just glass half the planet…
And if they did listen?
Oh. Right.
“You think they’d pull us out of the fight?”
“No, I think they’ll be totally cool with letting a couple of teenagers who can’t even drive repeatedly risk their lives in mortal combat with brainsucking aliens. I mean, hey, it’s the twenty-first century, right? Kids gotta learn sometime.”
There was no humor in Marco’s voice, no spark of laughter or happiness. He said the words as if he were reading off of a script—as if he didn’t have the energy to come up with something real, and was falling back on sarcasm by default.
I knew how he felt. It’s why I was angry, after all.
“We have to do something,” I bit off, trying to keep my words level. “We don’t know how to take care of a coma patient. If he doesn’t wake up soon, and we don’t get help, he’s going to die out here.”
“He’s already fucking dead!”
I blinked at the unexpected outburst, blinked and almost missed Marco leaping to his feet, his face wrenched in anguish, sudden tension tightening every muscle. He closed the distance between us in a flash, thrust a finger into my face, seeming six inches taller than he really was. “He died two days ago! You just don’t want to fucking admit it! Whatever alien dimension his body was in, it’s gone, okay? He’s gone. And that thing—that fucking body over there—just because it doesn’t know it’s supposed to stop breathing—”
For a moment, I thought he was going to hit me, hit Jake, lose all control and just start tearing things apart. He raised his hands, his fingers curled like claws, and let out a wordless cry of anger and frustration. Then he spun on his heel, walked straight to the nearest tree, and punched it—hard.
I heard the crack of something breaking, stood there stunned and speechless as I waited for Marco to yell again.
But he said nothing. Not a word, not a whimper. He just stood there, looking down at his knuckles, his shoulders heaving silently.
Yes, I knew how he felt.
This is your fault, too.
“I’m not giving up,” I said finally, after a full minute of silence. “Not on Jake, and not on the war. We know what they’re up to, now. We can figure out a way to stop them. And in the meantime—as long as you’re breathing, there’s hope.”
Thanks, Mother Theresa.
That’s what Marco should have said. Instead, he just slumped again, leaning against the tree, his face pressed into the rough bark, his eyes brimming with tears.
I wanted to join him. To let go, and grieve—to start dealing with the fact that I didn’t really know if my cousin would ever wake up again.
But I couldn’t.
I had work to do.
* * *
The bell rang, and the room filled with the sounds of binders snapping and zippers zipping, the shriekscrape of chairs on linoleum. Swinging my bookbag onto my shoulder, I followed the crowd out into the hall.
It was Monday, the second day of school since the Chapmans’ car accident, and my first day back since Elfangor. I walked through the hallways on autopilot, surrounded by a bubble of silent, awkward sympathy. Nobody knew quite how they were supposed to deal with me, so instead, they simply didn’t.
I didn’t mind. It made it easier to slip away unnoticed to morph.
So far, I’d skipped two of my seven classes, stashing my clothes in a Ziploc bag in the tank of the toilet in the girls’ bathroom each time. US History had been spent skittering through the ceiling in the lizard morph, while PE had given me a chance to eavesdrop on the teacher’s lounge for almost an hour.
Neither excursion had turned up any new information. If the prisoners in the Yeerk pool were to be believed, every single faculty member was now a Controller, and there were plans to take the whole student body in the very near future. Yet even in private, their conversations were mundane and boring and depressingly human. Mr. Plumblee, the AP Biology teacher, was going to have to cancel his vacation so his wife could visit her father, who was going through some kind of surgery. Mrs. Tilman, who taught Spanish and French, was trying to talk the rest of the staff into un-cancelling their surprise birthday party for Ms. Vickers, because it wasn’t her fault that people got into car accidents. Three teachers I didn’t know from the math department spent almost twenty minutes shipping various combinations of their students, before getting sidetracked on how awful the new state standardized tests were going to be.
Just once, while peering through a vent at our principal, Mr. Krouse, I thought I heard the word “Visser.” He was talking on the phone, his voice low and serious, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying, and I didn’t want to risk crawling out of the vent to get closer.
If they were all Controllers, they were keeping up the act—probably to prevent the very thing that I was trying to do. After the second round of spying, I’d given up and morphed back into my self-copy, resigned to a regular day of school.
Or as regular as possible, anyway. It was lunchtime now, and I headed for the cafeteria, dropping my stuff off in my locker and dodging the compassionate stares of my classmates. I sat in the corner, eating quietly, and my presence was like a force field, keeping the space around me empty for three seats in every direction.
How many of them had already been taken? I looked out across the tables, at the mix of conversation, only a little more subdued than usual. It was hard to believe that any of them had an alien slug lurking behind their eyes.
But Melissa had. For days, maybe weeks. And I hadn’t noticed.
They could be doing their big push right now. How would you even know? Maybe it happened during PE. You walk into the locker room, they zap you, you come out a Controller. You could already be one of the very last ones.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. It was true, but it wasn’t useful. According to the prisoners, I had at least until Friday, and even if they’d pushed up their timetable, they weren’t likely to be making their move today. I needed to stay focused on things I had the ability to do something about—worrying about nightmare scenarios only helped if it led to some kind of action.
Raising my cheeseburger to my mouth, I took a bite just as someone slid into the seat right next to me. I turned to look and saw Erek King, the retired dog trainer’s kid. Mouth full, I simply raised an eyebrow in greeting, chewing as fast as I could.
Erek nodded back. “Hello, Elfangor,” he said softly.
* * *
Time stopped.
I sprang to my feet, barely stopping myself from choking as I swallowed the entire mouthful half-chewed. Around me, the rest of the cafeteria had frozen in place, all laughter and conversation cut off as if a switch had been flipped.
“Wait!” said Erek, and rounding on him, I saw that he had disappeared, replaced by a gleaming, chrome-and-ivory robot with six limbs and no head, just a little bit smaller than me and very obviously alien.
I tried to jump backward, out and away from the table, and found myself caught as if I’d come up against a vertical wall of glue.
“Don’t panic! I won’t hurt you!”
“Let me out,” I growled. “Let me go right now, or we’ll see who hurts who.” I was already poised on the edge of morphing, my brain flickering between gorilla, elephant, and rhino. The robot looked tough, but not two-tons tough.
“I can’t,” it said, its voice still distinctly that of a teenage boy.
“Now,” I barked, my fists clenching as my heartrate continued to rise.
“I can’t,” it repeated. “If I let you out now, it’s likely you’ll hurt yourself or someone else. I literally can’t let that happen.”
My brain began catching up with my body, and my eyes darted around, taking in the frozen tableau. “What did you—how did you—”
How did you stop time? I wanted to say. I suddenly felt very stupid for having tried to threaten the robot ten seconds earlier.
“I didn’t,” it said simply. “You’re inside a holographic force field. Everything’s normal outside it. As far as anyone else can see, the two of us are just sitting next to each other, talking.” Some movable parts near the top of the robot shifted, giving the impression of a frown. “Couldn’t you—can’t you tell? Our sources told us that Andalites are familiar with this kind of technology.”
I took several deep breaths, my nostrils flaring as I struggled to get myself under control. “What’s an Andalite?” I said lamely, trying to stall for time.
The robotic frown deepened. “The odds of that being a genuine question are low,” it said. “Maybe one-in-forty-six-thousand-six-hundred-fifty-six low. I can see the energy from the Z-space interlink lighting up that skull you’re wearing.”
I tried to pull free of whatever was holding me, found that I could move inches but not feet. A part of me was following up on what the robot had just said—morphing gives off detectable energy? Do the Yeerks know?—while the rest of me scrabbled uselessly for something intelligent to say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Please,” the robot answered back, a note of pleading entering its voice. “Trust me. I’m incapable of harming you, even if I wanted to, and I don’t. You’re resisting the Yeerks. We heard your voice in the pool on Wednesday. We’ve been trying to find you ever since.”
They had heard me?
The robot tilted its top section, and a piece of ivory plating slid back, revealing a compartment containing a thick, gray slug, suspended amid hundreds of delicate wires.
If I hadn’t already been glued to the air, I would have jumped three feet in shock. “You’re a Controller?” I blurted out.
So much for pretending to be clueless.
“No,” the robot answered. “I hold the Yeerk in stasis, drawing on its knowledge. When it’s time to release it into the pool, I adjust its memory so that it thinks it’s been controlling me.” It paused, and somehow its body language conveyed the sense of someone mustering courage. “I’m sharing this information with you in the spirit of compromise. Now you know who I am—you know my public identity. If you wanted, you could call your companion to come and destroy me. Can we please talk calmly for a bit? As allies?”
My heart was still hammering away inside my chest, but some of the adrenaline had leaked back out of my bloodstream, and I could feel my panic slowly ebbing. “Let me go,” I said slowly, my voice still slightly shaky. “Let me sit down, and let me see what’s going on around me. If you do that, I’ll stay and talk.”
“Deal.”
I felt the pressure around me ease and vanish, and I slid back into my seat, pressing my sweaty palms against the smooth, cool surface of the table. Around me, the frozen cafeteria suddenly snapped into motion, a wall of sound washing away the temporary quiet. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, feeling my shoulders relax—until I realized that this could just as easily be another hologram.
“They can see us, but they can’t hear us,” the robot said. “I’m projecting an image of us talking about the human girl’s friends, Cassie and Melissa. Speaking of which—”
It straightened noticeably, its movable facelike parts rearranging into something resembling seriousness. “What did you do with the girl whose form you’ve taken? Did you harm her? Is she somewhere safe?”
I blinked, my mind racing as I struggled to assemble an appropriate answer. This whole thing could be a Yeerk trap, a part of me whispered. It doesn’t feel like one, but a smart trap wouldn’t.
“She’s safe,” I said finally. “We offered her protection in exchange for information and the use of her body.”
It wasn’t the best phrasing I could have come up with, but the robot didn’t seem to notice the double entendre. It simply nodded, its limbs relaxing with a gentle whirr. “Good,” it said. “You’ll produce her, at some point? So we can confirm?”
“I don’t see why I should,” I shot back. “If this is a—”
“It’s not a trap.”
“So you say. And I say the girl—Rachel—she’s fine.”
The robot held very still for a fraction of a second. “Fair enough,” it said, still sounding perfectly human. When it spoke again, its tone was distinctly dry and bitter. “I’ll note that if you have hurt her, you’re probably better off lying to me about it.”
I frowned, opening my mouth to ask—
Something in my brain clicked, and I closed my mouth again. Incapable of harming you, even if I wanted to. “You have some kind of block against violence?” I asked.
“Unfortunately.” The robot turned away and sort of fidgeted, its body language signaling frustration loud and clear. “We can’t take any positive action that results in harm to a sapient being, and we’re sometimes compelled to act if violence seems imminent. There’s a limit to how far ahead that chains—we don’t have to worry about low-probability consequences that are weeks in the future—but anything directly intentional or even just relatively likely is completely off the table.”
“Who’s we?” I asked.
“We are the Chee,” it said simply. “The last remaining legacy of an ancient, peace-loving species—the Pemalites, who designed and built us. We came to this planet thirteen million, five hundred fourteen thousand, one hundred and seven days ago, at the end of the Howler war, and settled here on the orders of the last surviving Pemalite.”
“How many of you are there?”
The robot fixed me with a look. “How many of you are there?”
I hesitated, but only for a moment. “Six,” I said honestly, noting a tiny shift in the robot’s posture as I spoke. “Maybe seven, if we can recover one of our comrades, who crashed in the—who crashed somewhere else.”
“There are one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty-seven Chee, including the One Who Is Remembered.”
I could hear the capitals as he spoke, and I filed the obvious question away for later. “How many of you are fake Controllers?”
“Very few. We’re scattered across the planet, in groups of six or twelve or at most eighteen, and the Yeerks have yet to spread beyond this city. More of us are gathering—slowly, so as to avoid suspicion—although it’s not yet clear whether anything will come of it.”
My head was spinning, trying to make all of the numbers mean something. “What—” I began, and then I faltered. Taking a breath, I tried again. “Why have you—I mean, why are you telling me this? Showing yourself to me?”
“Because you resist the Yeerks. Because everything we know of them tells us that they must be stopped. Until now, we’d thought that we would have to rely on human strength, human ingenuity. We watched the battle ten days ago, and we saw the Andalite dome ship fall into the sea. We assumed that no more help was coming, until we heard your voice in the pool.”
“I didn’t see you in the cages.”
“If one of us sees something, the rest of us can remember it, unless there’s a reason to forget. And I might have been in the cage—like yours, my outward form is a deception.” There was a flicker, and suddenly the robot vanished, replaced by the familiar face of Erek King, which them smoothly aged until it appeared to be seventy, and then morphed into my own. “I can take on a lot of different shapes, though for the sake of reasonable caution I usually stay within my established identity.”
I scrubbed at my eyes, trying to think. I had the feeling that there were a hundred questions I should be asking, a hundred things that Jake or Marco or even Tobias would identify as crucially important.
But that wasn’t the way my brain worked. I couldn’t just think my way into being smarter, or more perceptive.
“You want to—to form some kind of alliance?”
“Yes.”
I looked around the cafeteria, at the other students sitting and eating and laughing. Lunch was short; it would be ending in fifteen more minutes. “This isn’t the time or the place,” I said slowly. I couldn’t quite keep the reluctance out of my tone—the part of me that hadn’t learned anything over the past week wanted to charge ahead at full speed. “And I can’t make this sort of decision alone. I think the answer is probably yes, but—can you meet me at”—I hesitated—“at the playground at Magnuson park? Tonight, after dark?”
The image of Erek King frowned. “Time’s pretty short, after what happened at the pool,” he said, his voice sounding somehow less formal now that it was coming out of a human mouth. “I think everything the Yeerks were planning for next week is going to happen in the next couple of days instead. There’s a chance that even a few hours might make a difference. Is this something you and your companion could decide together?”
“Probably,” I answered, “but I’m not going to see him until after school anyway.”
Erek went suddenly stiff, his eyes widening, muscles seeming to tense beneath his holographic skin. “Um,” he said, sounding more human than ever. “Um. I don’t understand. Is the other Andalite not a part of your group?”
I felt my own eyes narrow as my heartrate spiked once again. “What other Andalite?”
He pointed openly, and I almost shouted before remembering that we were both safely hidden behind a hologram. I followed the line of his finger to a boy I didn’t know, sitting alone near the middle of the cafeteria.
“That one, there,” Erek said. “He’s got the same kind of radiation signature as you. It’s different, like a fingerprint—that’s how I knew you were the one we saw at the pool. But that’s not a real human.”
I don’t know if it was the adrenaline, or the fear, or the practice I’d been putting in over the past week as I tried to learn from my mistakes. It might have just been a chance flash of insight, a lucky intuition. But for a moment, I felt like Marco as all of the pieces clicked into place at once.
We’d guessed that there might be Andalite bandits, other survivors from the crash. If there were, it was only natural that they’d make their way to this city—to the center of the Yeerk operation.
But the odds of one being here, in the middle of my school cafeteria—
Zero, or close enough that it made no difference.
They know. First Melissa, then Cassie—I’m the obvious next person to investigate.
As I watched, I thought I saw the boy’s eyes linger on us for just a moment, as if he were trying to keep an eye on us, and also trying not to be obvious about it. Even though I knew we couldn’t be seen, I felt a wash of cold that ran from my spine all the way down to my fingers and toes.
“Erek,” I said. “That force field you used to hold me in place. Will it stop a laser beam?”
“Yes. But if you’re thinking of doing something violent—”
“Not me,” I interrupted. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was whispering, running down a list that was starting to become all too familiar—gorilla, rhino, elephant, tiger. “I think that boy over there is Visser Three.”
Chapter 11: Cassie
Summary:
Stuck in exile, Cassie struggles with PTSD and tries to keep herself busy.
Chapter Text
Chapter 10: Cassie
On Wednesday, the voice of Elfangor’s brother fell silent.
I was in the small cave I’d discovered in my first day, among the shattered boulders of a steep hillside deep within the forest. It was twenty miles from the nearest human structure—almost forty, by road—but I still did a sweep of the entire area in osprey morph and stayed as far back into the darkness as I could manage. In the three days since I’d left the others, I’d seen almost a dozen hikers on the nearby trails, and a handful going cross-country. I didn’t want to have to think about what would happen if one of them spotted an alien—or worse, caught me mid-morph—so I always made sure there was no one nearby.
I’d been checking the distress beacon each day, at sunrise and sunset. It was almost comforting, a way to stay connected to the others while I waited up in the woods. Officially, I was supposed to be finding or building some kind of base camp—a place where the others might live if their cover was blown, or where we might bring my parents once we captured them and starved the Yeerks out of their heads.
But I didn’t really know anything about camping or construction or survival skills. My dad took us out into the woods all the time, but for him it was more about being with nature, and not so much about living in it. We always brought tents, lighters, prepackaged food—I knew a little bit about how to find paths, and which roots and mushrooms were good to eat, but I’d spent a lot more time identifying bird species than rubbing sticks together.
I’d spent an hour in grizzly morph in that first afternoon, digging the rotting muck out of the cave and bringing in pine boughs to make a kind of floor, but after that I’d run out of ideas. So I’d simply kept morphing, dipping in and out of the amazing range of bodies at my disposal, wandering the forest as a wolf, as a gorilla, as a mouse. I slithered my way up to the treetops in the body of a Burmese python, glided back down on the winglike membranes of a flying squirrel, dug through the riverbanks with the paws of a star-nosed mole, and defied the rushing currents with the reckless speed of an otter.
A part of me knew I was hiding. Running away from the pain, hoping not to think about it. I hadn’t morphed into the snipe or the elephant since passing them on to the others—it was too easy, wearing those bodies, to remember every detail of Sunday night, to hear the crack of my mother’s shin and see the blank emotionlessness of my father’s Controlled face.
Maybe that makes me a coward. The part of me that spoke in Rachel’s voice certainly thought so. Each minute I spent riding the thermals or galloping through the meadows was a minute my parents were spending locked inside their own brains, unable to escape. Each rush of euphoria was a betrayal, and the guilt of each morph made the next one more inevitable as I spiraled downward, orbiting a black hole I couldn’t bear to look at.
It was my fault. But what good did it do to sit around obsessing over it? Jake and the others had banished me—sent me to the woods where I wouldn’t be in the way, wouldn’t be a risk, wouldn’t be putting everyone else in danger. There was literally nothing I could do except practice morphing.
So I did. And each day, twice a day, I returned to the cave. To Elfangor’s body, and to the reminder that I was not the only one alone and waiting.
I hadn’t realized just how much I’d started to lean on that reminder—how much I needed the voice of Elfangor’s brother to be there. Its sudden absence hit me like a physical blow—as the seconds stretched out in silence, I felt the strength drain from my Andalite limbs, felt my tail drooping as I dropped down to all sixes.
Elfangor. Brother. Help me.
I whispered the words in my own head, a pale imitation.
Maybe—maybe they came to rescue him. Other survivors, or another Andalite ship.
Or maybe he’d escaped on his own—figured out a way off whatever island or out of whatever deep ocean trench he’d ended up in. He was an Andalite warrior, after all. He had morphing power—thought-speak—advanced weapons I probably couldn’t even imagine.
But then again, so did the Yeerks. Visser Three, the monster at the heart of the nightmare, the one that had torn Elfangor apart right in front of us.
I’d spent almost as much effort trying not to think about that memory. The way the Visser’s body had—had unfolded, bloodblack plates of armor sliding forth from his chest like a flower blossoming in time-lapse. The way even his own minions had hesitated, had shuffled back, nervously fingering their guns. The spray of mist that I thought I’d seen, hovering against the night sky for just a split second after the jaws snapped shut—
I had felt the raw power of the Andalite brain, tapped into it the same way I tapped into the elephant’s hearing or the wolf’s sense of smell. It was like being plugged into a computer—in Elfangor’s body, I could follow three lines of thought at once, multiply four-digit numbers together in a second, track everything that was going on around me with three-hundred-and-sixty-degree vision. For brief stretches of time, I could play at being a genius.
The Visser was a genius. There hadn’t been time for a long history lesson, in those few brief minutes on the bridge of Elfangor’s ruined ship. But there had been enough time for him to tell us about Alloran—about the changes the war-prince had been making to the Andalite military, the brilliance of his tactical theory. How he’d spurred a renaissance of curiosity and exploration, drawing an entire generation into space. How his insight had led to Seerow’s breakthrough and the development of morphing technology. How, even after his Fall, the doctrines he’d left behind had guided the Andalite fleet to victory in the battle over Gara—though only, Elfangor said, because the Visser himself had not been present.
Taking Alloran had been the opening move of the war, the Yeerks’ first and most successful gambit. Every triumph they’d had since then had hinged upon his aptitude for war. If Elfangor’s brother was dead—and what else could his sudden silence mean?—the odds were that Visser Three was the reason why.
And it was Visser Three that we had to beat, if I wanted to get my parents back.
I could sense myself slipping into despair, into the sick, overwhelmed fog that had hung over me since Sunday night. The war was just so big—even now, when it had only just begun. The Yeerks had a thousand slaves already, and I didn’t even know how to make a campfire without my dad’s help. Visser Three was an actual evil villain, and I hadn’t even had the presence of mind to knock my mother unconscious.
If I had, my dad might have been there with me.
I wondered if the Yeerk inside him was letting him take care of the animals—if the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic was important enough to keep going, as cover.
Stop it. Stop this. Stop moping around and DO something, Cassie!
Taking in a deep breath through the Andalite’s folded nostrils, I tried to gather my resolve, to lend weight to the part of me that was burning to set my parents free instead of the part that said it was all already over. But no matter how small that second voice shrank, I could never quite get it to go away.
Wearily, I pressed myself back up off the floor of the cave, my tail lashing as it counterbalanced my heavy torso, keeping me from toppling forward. I clenched Elfangor’s seven-fingered fists, looking down at them with the super-3D vision that came along with having four eyes. Below me, my hooves smelled/tasted the acrid needles of the pine boughs, took an experimental bite and closed in disgust.
Good night, brother, I whispered silently.
On a sudden impulse, I reached out with my tail blade, tapped it gently against the stone of the cave wall. It made a small sound, like hitting two sticks together. I struck a little harder, leaving a scratch mark, and then harder still, watching tiny flecks of rock scatter into the darkness.
With a few swift, sure strokes, I carved a pair of figures into the wall—four legs, two arms, furred four-eyed bodies and long, sinuous tails. Behind them, I traced a simple, bare horizon and a single shining sun.
It wasn’t enough, for a warrior who had given his life to buy us time. It wasn’t enough for his living, breathing brother, who’d crossed half a galaxy only to spend his last few days in lonely despair. I had no idea how Andalites remembered their dead, no idea what sort of words I should say.
But it was all I could think of, so I turned away and demorphed.
* * *
Focusing my thoughts, I applied a little pressure—felt my thoughts slide—felt the corresponding mental click—and watched from within as the red-tailed hawk came to life. It sprang from the ground, flapping powerfully in the cool morning air, taking us up into the trees where it perched near the top of a pine, looking out over the crystal blue lake.
I would never, ever, ever get bored of flying. Even in the midst of my despair, the feeling of air beneath my wings, the sky stretched all around me and the earth so green and alive below—
Like clockwork, the guilt kicked in, and I hunched and ruffled my feathers, my body spasming slightly as my instructions conflicted with those of the hawk brain.
During the first few days, I’d spent a lot of time trying to disappear—to vanish inside the morphs, really become a horse or a bear or a raccoon or an owl. It had seemed like a better option than going around in endless circles inside my own head.
But I’d found that it wasn’t that easy. The animal brain seemed to be there, under the surface, but it didn’t have freedom of movement. There were controls, safeguards, blocks—I could tap into the hawk’s instincts and experiences for things like knowing how to bank and soar, but I couldn’t just not be in control. Even when the instincts took over—like with Tobias and the mouse—there was still some level at which the body needed me to provide it with energy. It was like I was the battery, and without my participation, the system wouldn’t run. I could stand there all day thinking go on, do your thing and it would have no more effect than trying to raise my arm by telling it to.
After hours of fruitless straining, though, I’d discovered a workaround—a kind of mental switch that unlocked the controls, letting the animal mind take over. It was like the morphing equivalent of an autopilot—I could still see and hear, could resume control in an instant, but in the meantime the body would run itself, without any need for input from me.
Which was good, because I had no idea how to hunt for squirrels.
Taking off once more, the hawk body began to circle, rising and rising on a column of hot air as the morning sun began to warm the forest. I could sense its attention darting around, feel its eyes—our eyes—tracking each tiny movement in the landscape below, our wings responding to changes in the breeze with shifts as subtle as moving a single feather.
There was a meadow about a mile from the cave, a few minutes’ flight north of the lake. The red-tail liked to hunt there, waiting in the trees around the perimeter as it considered its next move. Reaching the peak of its spiral, it turned its beak toward the grassy patch and began to glide, angling effortlessly through the air.
Since discovering the autopilot switch, I’d been wondering about other aspects of the morphing technology. In the car, with my mother, I had managed to control the shape and speed of the transformation, which seemed to imply that there might be other controls or settings or options that we could access. There would be a lot of power in being able to do partial morphs—or combined ones—or in being able to fiddle with the acquiring process.
If I acquired two different squirrels, and visualized something that looked like a mix between them, what would happen?
For that matter, what if I could control which genes the morphing technology was choosing to flip? I’d read articles about paleobiologists who were trying to create a dinosaur by interfering with the development of ordinary chicken embryos.
There was a part of me that very much wanted to be wearing the body of a Tyrannosaurus Rex the next time I encountered Visser Three.
Arriving at the meadow, I watched as the hawk folded our wings and plunged us toward the treetops, flaring at the last second and coming in to perch on a thin branch a hundred feet off the ground. There was another hawk at the opposite end of the meadow—its individual feathers as sharp in my vision as if I was looking at them through a magnifying glass—but it made no move to defend its territory. There was plenty of prey for everyone, rabbits and mice and squirrels and voles, and what looked like twenty or thirty chipmunks.
Over the past few days, I’d managed to add one of each to my repertoire of morphs, catching them and holding them down as I returned to my human body. Now, it was time to find a duplicate.
The red-tail fluffed my/its feathers, shifting its/our weight on the branch as it/we settled into a more comfortable position. Hunting was a long, uncertain process, almost entirely made up of watching and waiting. There were patterns in the movements of the creatures below, and the hawk brain needed to know which way its prey would dart before it made its move.
I still wasn’t sure how I felt about using the hawk morph just to acquire other creatures. I had no problem with hunting—I wanted to be a zoologist if I couldn’t be a vet—but I wasn’t eating the animals, just holding them down so I could borrow their DNA. Somehow, that made it worse—three of them had been pretty badly hurt in the process, and one had died before I’d fully demorphed. I’d acquired it anyway, just to see, and was slightly disturbed when it worked just fine.
But the only other way to catch them was with traps, and while I thought I could build a snare, I had nothing to use as bait except the berries and crickets that were already available everywhere.
So hawk it was. I let my own consciousness recede, sinking deeper into the experience as the animal mind continued to observe. Part of the beauty of the autopilot was that I no longer had to be fully human for twenty-four hours a day—no longer had to think or plan or remember. It was easy, inside an animal’s body, to dodge thoughts of my parents, or of Visser Three, or of Jake…
Long minutes passed. The sun crawled across the sky, occasionally dipping behind the clouds. At the other end of the meadow, the other hawk tried for a rabbit, failed, and flapped dispiritedly back up to its perch.
My own hawk brain had zeroed in on one of the chipmunks, an older, fatter male with one eye missing. It was jumpy and suspicious, always turning and turning, but there was something wrong with one of its legs. It was just a hair slower than all the rest, with a noticeable bias toward dodging to the left.
Silently, gracefully, we took to the air, moving in a tight spiral, once more allowing the thermals to lift ourselves higher and higher. Two hundred feet—five hundred—nearly a thousand feet up, and the chipmunk was still as clear in my sight as if it had been in arms’ reach.
My human brain resurfaced just long enough to note that rollercoasters would never be the same, and then we were diving, the hawk body tight and streamlined as we arrowed toward the ground. Our target moved a couple of inches, oblivious, and the hawk adjusted effortlessly, changing course in the space of an instant. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice began to count—three—two—one—
At the last, the very last moment, the hawk spread our wings, dropping almost instantly from a hundred miles per hour to something like twenty or thirty. It raked our claws forward, our eyes still locked onto the chipmunk—
Success. Seizing control, I felt my talons dig into the dirt, the tiny mammal caught between them, pinned to the ground. I suppressed the urge to squeeze, the predator’s killer instinct, and immediately began to demorph.
The other chipmunk I had pinned—two days earlier—had been the one to die. She’d been a female, her markings lighter, with fewer stripes around her face. She’d been younger, too, probably only a year old. I’d accidentally broken her spine in the dive.
I had used a couple of sticks to dig a shallow grave, unwilling to leave her lying in the field for other birds, even though I knew the foxes and the raccoons would dig her up as soon as night fell.
This one, though—it would live, as soon as I finished acquiring it and let it go. As my feathers melted and ran together, becoming skin, I reached down under my foot and gripped it, tightly. It struggled madly, scratching and squeaking until I finished demorphing and the acquiring hypnosis took hold.
Staying crouched in the dirt—I still wasn’t comfortable being naked outdoors, even though I knew there was no one around for miles—I began to concentrate, holding the images of both chipmunks in my mind. A blend of the two of them would be sandy brown with six stripes, maybe three ounces and two years old, with white around its eyes…
I felt the changes begin. Fighting the urge to celebrate, I continued to focus—for all I knew, the morphing tech was simply defaulting to one chipmunk or the other. I would have to figure out some way to confirm the difference from the inside—if I ended up young and male, for instance, or old and female.
It took another minute for the morph to finish—and several long seconds to be certain—but in the end, I was convinced. My body was young, male, and thin, with markings on its paws that didn’t match either of the animals I had originally acquired.
So, I thought to myself. I guess it’s that easy.
Or at least, it was that easy to get one combination. I would have to play around a lot more to see if I could control the mixture of traits, or to find out whether it was possible to combine DNA from multiple species.
But still. Even if the process was automatic, and couldn’t be adjusted, I’d just unlocked a whole new world of human disguises. I would be able to wear grown-up faces without putting real grown-ups at risk. That, coupled with the autopilot and my ability to control the morphing process—
It might not be enough. But it no longer felt like nothing.
* * *
I hadn’t slept in six days.
I’d been continuing to push the boundaries of the morphing power, acquiring more and more animals for experimentation. I hadn’t yet cracked cross-species morphing, but I had managed to change the fur pattern of a single, specific fox just by concentrating very hard, and been able to remorph it again without extra effort. I’d also finally figured out how to morph clothing—I couldn’t morph into something with clothes, obviously, but I could morph my own clothes away, and they returned with the rest of my body when I came back.
Whenever I wasn’t experimenting, I was exploring, learning the ins and outs of the landscape in a dozen different bodies. I had stopped wandering aimlessly and begun moving in a pattern, and I’d covered almost four hundred miles traveling practically nonstop, day and night.
At first, I’d thought I was just sort of manic—charged-up from the stress, from the constant circling of my thoughts as I swung back and forth between determination and despair. After a few days, I had turned not-thinking-about-it into an art form.
By the time the weekend rolled around, though, it was clear that there was something else going on. Not only had I not slept, I wasn’t even tired. And it had been Thursday when I’d last had something to eat or drink.
I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew the answer. To test it, I flew back to the cave and demorphed back to human for an evening—the first time I’d spent more than a few minutes in my own body in over a week. Sure enough, after a few hours of huddling inside my sleeping bag, hunger and exhaustion began to set in.
Your true body remains unchanged—sent elsewhere, its processes suspended. That’s what Elfangor had said, when he’d explained the morphing technology to us. He’d also said it was all a lie, whatever that meant.
But in six days, I’d spent only a couple of hours in my own body, and as far as I could tell, a couple of hours was all that my body had experienced. It hadn’t gotten tired, hadn’t gotten hungry, hadn’t needed to pee—not until I stopped morphing.
I tried another test, hyperventilating until my blood was saturated with oxygen and then holding my breath and counting. With effort, I could manage a little over two minutes.
I did it again and began to morph, returning to the body of the osprey. It was a fishing bird, able to dive underwater, which meant that it, too, knew how to hold its breath. I made it all the way through the change before inhaling, and spent a few minutes scoping out the area in the predawn light before returning to the open patch of mulch and leaves outside the cave.
Taking in several quick, shallow avian breaths, I began to demorph.
As the change passed through my chest, I could feel my lungs returning, feel the tight, urgent pressure awaken in the back of my mind. I counted to forty-seven before I had to start breathing again, and I started by letting air out—far more than I could have held in the bird’s tiny chest.
Okay. So the stasis thing is true.
That meant—
It meant—
What did it mean?
There were questions that Marco would ask, or angles that Jake or Rachel would see—clever tricks and surprising connections. I could probably see them myself, if I thought it through carefully enough.
Okay. You can hold your breath. That means you might be able to demorph and remorph entirely underwater, with the right kind of preparation.
And I’d already discovered that I could go basically forever without sleep or food, as long as I could keep morphing. If I hurt myself, I could probably morph into some other body long enough to get to a hospital. And if I kept going the way that I had been, I’d start aging more slowly—I’d already lost almost a week by spending so much time in morph. And—
And—
My breath caught in my throat, a shiver running down my spine.
Wait—what—when I morph, what’s—
I had a hard time finishing the thought.
When I morph, what’s doing the thinking?
I swallowed painfully, my throat suddenly dry, feeling very glad that I was in my own body.
I had been a horse, a bird, a spider, a mouse. I’d been a lizard, a fly, even an alien. In each of those forms, I’d had thoughts—feelings—memories. I’d felt the rush of adrenaline, the burning sensation of fear and shame, the soaring tingle of euphoria—all the familiar flags of normal, human emotion.
I hadn’t stopped to ask how that was possible, in bodies so different from my own. It had just felt so normal—so obvious. On some deep, unconscious level, I’d just assumed that my human body was out there somewhere, hooked up to the morph through some kind of real-time VR link.
But if my body’s functions were paused so thoroughly that air wasn’t even circulating through my lungs—
Then my synapses couldn’t be firing. My nerves couldn’t be sending signals. My neurotransmitters couldn’t be ebbing and flowing.
Which meant that I couldn’t be thinking.
Calm down, Cassie. It works, remember? You must have morphed almost a hundred times by now. No point in freaking out.
But what was going on?
* * *
Maybe I was just going crazy, out in the woods all by myself.
It was Sunday, almost a full week since I’d left the others. I was maybe twelve miles out from the cave, hunting bears in the new valley I’d discovered.
Not to eat, of course—after a night of raw berries and cold terror, I’d gone back to staying in morph pretty much all the time. It had occurred to me that I could use morphing to make infinite food, if I was willing to chop off my own leg—
—and it had occurred to me to be pretty disturbed about the fact that this thought had occurred to me at all—
—but I wasn’t willing, and I’m pretty much a vegetarian anyway, so that was that.
No, I was looking for a rematch.
Closing my eyes, I finished my morph, and when I opened them again, my vision was razor sharp once again. This time, I’d gone with the peregrine falcon, the fastest animal on earth. Picking my way awkwardly through the pine needles, I found a nice, clear space and launched skyward.
It had all started by accident, while I was inside of a badger on autopilot. I had been daydreaming, paying too little attention, and had stumbled across another badger, this one just slightly larger than me.
I’d read that badgers were not particularly territorial, but I suppose some combination of the fact that this one was in the middle of dinner and that I had tumbled out of a bush practically right in its face was enough to set it off. It reared, hissing, and my own body responded, and before I knew what was happening, the pair of us were snapping and swiping and grappling as we rolled through the undergrowth.
Despite the other badger’s size, I had human ingenuity on my side—I managed to shake it off by tossing dirt into its eyes and mouth and then using the sticks littering the forest floor as pikes. Disgruntled, it had retreated back into a thicket, leaving me to lick my wounds and demorph.
Except that I hadn’t demorphed—not right away. I’d stayed in the badger body, feeling the twinge and ache of bruises, the delicious trickle of blood from my scratches—
—delicious?—
—the heavy, wet heat of adrenaline and exhaustion. The sudden battle had awakened something buried just beneath the surface, something decidedly “not Cassie” and yet very, very much me.
Maybe it was the stress. The fear, the doubt, the impotent helplessness.
Maybe it was the isolation. Seven days with only a few hours of sleep, without human contact of any kind.
Maybe it was the morphing. The raw, animalistic instinct.
Or maybe, just maybe, the mask was slipping a little. I’d always known I wasn’t really a good person, deep down inside. It was why I tried so hard—why I put so much effort into my morals, my code, my way of living. I couldn’t live the way Rachel did, always on the edge of fury. I needed more of a buffer.
But my buffer was wearing thin.
I still tried to justify it, inside my head—told myself that I didn’t actually know enough about how most of my morphs would hold up in a fight, that I needed some real-life experience. I’d learned a bit about rhinos and elephants from my mom at the Gardens, and I knew a lot about wolf hunting behavior, but—
Where was a barn owl, in the pecking order?
Could a gorilla handle a grizzly?
How effective was a skunk’s spray, really?
Were ferrets better at wrestling, or at running away?
I made a little list of questions, every one of them plausible, every one a cover for the real reason—that I’d dug my teeth into the other badger’s shoulder, and I’d enjoyed it.
That might have scared me, if I’d let myself think about it.
I started picking fights, at first in situations where I knew I’d have the upper hand, but growing gradually bolder as I realized that starting to demorph would scare away almost any animal except a moose. Moose are crazy—I can’t remember where I learned that, but I was pretty sure I didn’t want to risk it.
I’d decided to start every battle on autopilot, to see what the animal brain would do, find out what each animal’s natural style could teach me. I’d worked my way upward from skunks and raccoons to foxes and wolves, and was now tracking a huge, grumpy black bear who’d thoroughly outmatched my kangaroo morph.
I was going too far, I knew. I could feel myself going too far, could feel myself spiraling again, upward this time, losing control.
But what good was control?
Control wasn’t going to save my parents.
Spotting the bear in the bushes below, I circled, marking its general direction, confirming as always that there were no humans nearby. Aiming for a clear space a few hundred yards ahead of it, I swooped, dropping down into the tall, dry grass.
The valley I had discovered was almost perfect as a hiding spot, a mile-long gash through the mountain with steep, rocky walls, narrow entryways, and trees growing out from either side, forming a kind of tunnel or trellis. Only in the very center was the gap wide enough for the sun to poke through, shining down on a medium-sized meadow with a creek running down its center. You wouldn’t notice the valley at all unless you were directly above it, or unless you happened to spot the tiny, twisting pathways through the brambles at either end.
Between fights, I’d begun cutting down some of the trees inside, using the beaver morph to cut through the trunks and the elephant morph to move them, being careful not to thin out the canopy too much. I had an idea that I might be able to build an actual shelter, right next to the spring where the creek bubbled out from the rock.
But at the moment, I had more pressing matters to attend to. The bear had rolled down into the valley and was currently picking its way idly through the berry bushes—my berry bushes—at the edge of the clearing. In another few minutes, it would pass right by the hollow where I was quietly demorphing.
Rock, paper, scissors, bear.
I had yet to test out the tiger, the rhino, the gorilla, or the grizzly, as none of the opponents I’d come across rated quite that level of firepower. The best fights were the ones where the other animal was stronger than me—where ingenuity and nerve made the difference.
The gorilla.
I spared a brief regret for the fact that I didn’t have any rope—I was still conscientious enough to avoid giving any of my opponents a concussion that might be lethal, but it would’ve been nice to acquire the bear—and took in a deep breath as the last of the feathers disappeared from my arms, leaving me fully human. The bear was only a hundred yards away, now, and I was about to refocus when another, more interesting possibility occurred to me.
It had been days since I’d morphed Elfangor—not since the morning after his brother fell silent, when I’d checked one last time to see if the voice had returned. I’d been sort of reluctant to return to it, after that—it was another reminder of just how alone I was, out here in the mountains.
But I’d made up my mind to return to the city tomorrow night anyway, and in the meantime, I was curious to see how the Andalite body would react to the autopilot trick. It was a strange mix of predator and prey, at least according to Earth archetypes—I wasn’t sure whether it would be aggressive and confident, or stealthy and cautious.
Raising a hand to shade my eyes, I looked over toward the edge of the clearing, where the bear had changed direction slightly and was now pulling at a young sapling. If it stuck to its general pattern, I had at least another couple of minutes before it reached me.
Closing my eyes, I held the image of Elfangor in my mind and began the change.
Even though Andalites had fur and hooves, the process of morphing into one was very different from the process of morphing into an Earth mammal. It was mostly the extra eyes and the extra pair of limbs, I guess—more than anything, it reminded me of morphing into a cockroach or an ant.
This time, instead of bursting out of my chest or stomach, the extra legs emerged from the ones I already had, the flesh and bone pinching and splitting right down the middle, giving me a nauseating glimpse of my own marrow before filling out again with new muscle. I would have flinched, but I was used to things like that now—two days earlier, when morphing into a trout, my skin and tendons had melted away from my hands almost entirely before the bones themselves began to shrink.
I felt my jawbone begin to dissolve as my throat sealed shut, my digestive tract shifting and rearranging itself, reaching down into my legs. With an audible crack, my four knees reversed themselves, and I fell forward onto my arms, lifting myself back up as my fingers multiplied from ten to fourteen.
It wasn’t so bad. Last week, I’d gotten more than halfway into fly morph while remaining entirely full-size. I’d had a proboscis that was three feet long.
My body began to rebalance as the long Andalite tail extruded itself from my spine, the blade growing out like a fingernail while the fur sprouted all along my back and sides. I felt a brief absence, a partial blindness as my brain switched over to four-eyed vision before the eyes themselves appeared, and then the stalks emerged from the back of my skull.
This time, the final change was in my nose and ears, the former flattening and splitting into an extra pair of elongated nostrils while the latter grew delicate, elfin points and slid backwards toward my “neck.” I felt the Andalite sense of smell emerge—not as keen as a wolf’s, but still better than a human’s—and the morph was complete.
Rearing up into centaur stance, I checked on the bear. It was closer, still unaware of my presence as it dug at a gopher barrow. Swishing my tail back and forth, I concentrated, looking for the little mental catch that was the autopilot switch.
Click.
I almost didn’t react quickly enough. Without the slightest hint of warning, my tail blade whipped forward, striking toward my own throat. I seized control with less than an inch to spare, the muscles quivering and spasming as the Andalite equivalent of adrenaline flooded my system.
<YEERK!> bellowed a voice in my mind, loud and harsh and impossibly close. <GET OUT OF MY HEAD!>
Chapter 12: Tobias
Summary:
Tobias and Garrett search for the source of the telepathic distress signal.
Chapter Text
Chapter 11: Tobias
Cold like knives, even through the thick blubber of the sperm whale’s body—water so cold it should have been ice.
<We’re not afraid.>
Darkness blacker than the inside of a grave, darkness somehow close, rather than distant—like the rest of the universe had disappeared, leaving only nothingness.
<We’re not afraid because if we let ourselves get too scared we might not be able to do what needs to be done.>
Pressure so great that even the whale was claustrophobic, the weight of a truck pressing down on each and every inch of my body, squeezing tighter and tighter as it tried to crush me down to a point, a speck, a singularity.
<And we aren’t the type of people who back down. We’re the type of people who do the right thing, even if it’s hard.>
I had never been so afraid.
Not when my mom walked out on me. Not when I’d run away from Oak Landing and spent a week on the street. Not even on the night Elfangor had died, when we’d gotten our first glimpse of the horror to come. Always, always, always, there had been a way out, or a way to fight back, or a place to hide.
<Right now, the right thing is to rescue Elfangor’s brother.>
Garrett’s voice floated through the nightmare, unspooling in my thoughts.
<Because the world’s in trouble, and he might be able to help us save it.>
My words, reflected back at me. My own reassurances, only half-sincere, sounding so much stronger coming from the heart of Garrett’s steely certainty.
<And even if he can’t, or if we can’t find him, we’ll just do the next thing, and the next, and the next. We’ll keep on trying until we figure out a way.>
We hung in the infinite blackness, two tiny spots of warmth and life, using the sperm whale’s echolocation to stay within thought-speak range of one another as we circled, searching. We were at least a mile and a half below the surface, deep enough that the used-up air in our lungs felt like it was slowly turning to diamonds.
<We’re not afraid,> Garrett began again, his inflection unchanged, starting the loop for what felt like the hundredth time.
It was our third trip into the abyss. Our third try, since reaching the point where the distress beacon seemed to be coming from absolutely straight down. We’d spent a day and a half on a cargo ship that was going in mostly the right direction, and had gone overboard with a small buoy and some rope once it seemed like we weren’t getting any closer. We’d come the rest of the way as whales, demorphing in shifts, stopping every few hours to confirm our direction.
<We’re not afraid because if we let ourselves get too scared we might not be able to do what needs to be done.>
It had been hell. The waves in this part of the ocean were nearly fifteen feet high, and it was cold enough that frost would form on my hair in the brief seconds between morphs. We were getting better at staying out of the water—as one of us began to demorph, the other would rise up beneath him, forming a kind of island—but every now and then a rogue wave would crash over us and we’d spend a harrowing minute or two just trying not to drown.
<And we aren’t the type of people who back down.>
At first, it had been the mission that held me together, kept me going. Rescuing a fallen warrior, defeating the Yeerks, saving the world. Fate of humanity on our shoulders, and all that. Those were the words I’d used to bolster Garrett, to hold back his panic the first time he’d sucked down a lungful of sea foam. They were the words that had first carried me down into the darkness.
<We’re the type of people who do the right thing, even if it’s hard.>
But as the rest of the world faded away, so did the sense that any of that mattered. I wanted to care—wanted to believe that what I was doing was the right thing, that it would make a difference.
But all I felt was fear. Fear, and an overwhelming desire to escape. To give up, go home, find another way. That little voice, whispering in my head—what’s humanity ever done for you, that you should be out here risking death to save it?
<Right now, the right thing is to rescue Elfangor’s brother.>
It was Garrett who stopped me, then. Not on purpose. Not by trying. It’s just—I’d said those words to him, and he’d believed them, you know? Taken them to heart, turned them into armor. They’d actually worked.
For him.
Because he trusted me.
I couldn’t take that away from him, couldn’t bring myself to pull the rug out from under him when we were a thousand miles away from home on a mission I’d created.
<Because the world’s in trouble, and he just might be able to help us save it.>
So I’d put on a brave face, pretended to be convinced as we dove, down and down and down into the blackness until even the whale could go no further, the sea floor impossibly far away. I’d maintained my composure as we searched, resurfaced, came up with a new plan and tried again. I’d kept up the act through our second round of demorphing, as we checked on the beacon and noticed that the current had pushed us so that the signal was no longer coming from directly below.
<And even if he can’t, or if we can’t find him, we’ll just do the next thing, and the next, and the next.>
And when we’d realized that it wasn’t working, that we’d have to try something truly dangerous—
That’s when I’d almost lost it. When I’d found myself clinging to Garrett’s mantra for dear life, wishing I believed it so hard that I almost actually did.
<We’ll keep on trying until we figure out a way.>
I turned uselessly in the darkness, pulling my fins against the liquid midnight, feeling a soft ribbon of warmth on my face as I passed through the trail of my own blood.
“Anything small is a deathwish,” Cassie had said, that first afternoon in the barn. “Nowhere to demorph if you run into trouble. It’s got to be a sperm whale or a giant squid, and I don’t know how we’d get either one.”
We’d gotten the whale, whether through dumb luck or divine intervention or some crazy plot I still didn’t understand. But it was the squid that went deeper—all the way to the bottom.
There were whales that came up from the black, bleeding from sucker scars, with squid body parts sloshing around in their bellies.
There were others that didn’t come up at all.
<We’re not afraid.>
Only I was, deep down in my bones—a gnawing, clawing fear that made me afraid that even my thought-speak would come out unsteady. It was like being buried alive, or like being paralyzed—like one of those nightmares where you’re unable to move as you watch the monster closing in.
It had been Garrett’s idea to try wounding one of the whale bodies, to see if the blood would attract a squid where our random zigzagging had not. We’d considered doing rock-paper-scissors, until we’d realized that would mean we’d both have to be demorphed at the same time in fifteen-foot waves.
And until I’d realized that I couldn’t stick a tail blade into Garrett. Not even to save the world. Not when I could just tell him to cut me, instead.
<We’re not afraid because if we let ourselves get too scared we might not be able to do what needs to be done.>
I fired off an echolocation burst—a sort of click, shockingly loud—and the echoes that came back formed a picture in my head.
Nothing. Just me and Garrett, suspended in infinite emptiness.
<And we aren’t the type of people who back down.>
You sneered at Marco and Rachel because they weren’t paying enough attention to the big picture.
<We’re the type of people who do the right thing, even if it’s hard.>
You flat-out insulted Jake for giving in to his emotions.
<Right now, the right thing is to rescue Elfangor’s brother.>
And after he faced down three juniors for you, when he didn’t even know you.
It was bizarrely irrelevant—six months in the past and a thousand miles removed. But somehow it helped, mixing together with Garrett’s litany to form just enough glue to hold me together.
<Because the world’s in trouble, and he just might be able to help us save it.>
I fired off another click, let out a fraction of a breath, the bubbles hissing and crackling as they divided and subdivided, crawling upward, vanishing into nothingness. Turning once again, I began to make my way back toward Garrett, the only other object in my universe.
<And even if he can’t, or if we can’t find him, we’ll just do the next thing, and the next, and the next. We’ll keep on trying until—>
<Garrett,> I said, cutting him off.
<Yeah?>
<How many times have you said all that stuff?>
<This morph?>
<Yeah.>
<One hundred and twelve. Almost. You didn’t let me finish.>
I did the rough calculation in my head. He was pretty regular, running through the entire thing about three times every four minutes. <So we’ve got about forty-five minutes left,> I said.
<My time limit’s a hundred and—>
<A hundred and fifty-seven, right. I remember. But we should go up together, just like last time.>
Garrett didn’t say anything. I’d have bet ten dollars he was trying to figure out whether not being scared meant he was supposed to fight to stay down below while I went up and refreshed my clock. I took advantage of the silence to drift past him, firing off another echolocation click. The image bounced back—there was a school of small fish swirling a few hundred yards in the distance, and absolutely nothing else.
Finally, Garrett spoke. <What happens if we can’t get a squid?> he asked quietly.
<We can keep this up for a while,> I pointed out. <I mean, it took us two and a half days to get here. We might as well try for at least a whole day before we give up.>
<I don’t like this,> Garrett said bluntly. <I know you said we’re not supposed to be scared, but I’m scared. I’m scared and I’m cold and I’m tired and I’m scared and I want to go back to—>
<Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come on,> I said gently, stopping him before he could spiral out of control. <I’m right here with you, okay? We’re—we’ve got this.>
<You’re scared too,> he shot back. <And you don’t want to be here, either.>
I started to object, felt the words catch in my thoughts, ended up saying nothing.
He trusts you. That doesn’t mean he’s blind.
I had lied to Garrett—real, outright lies—exactly twice in the whole three years we’d known each other. Both times had been for his own good, and they’d still both felt like betrayal. Lying to him wasn’t like lying to anyone else. He didn’t have any defenses against it. He knew his view of the world was broken, knew that his brain came up with the wrong answer half the time, and so he either trusted you or he didn’t—no middle ground.
Which means that if I told him something, he’d just—take it. Take it in, believe it, make it a part of his universe.
I could convince him he was wrong. That I was brave, that I wanted to be there, that the mission felt just as important to me now as it had back when we were both safe on dry land.
But I didn’t want to. Not for what it would cost.
<You’re right,> I said finally. <I’m scared, too. I’ve never been more scared in my life. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to die down here.>
<So why don’t we just leave?>
I clicked again, found him in the darkness, brushed one of his fins with mine. <Because everything we said before is still true,> I said. <Because I do want to stop them. The Yeerks. And this—I think this is how we have to do it.>
<Doesn’t feel like saving the world,> Garrett said. <Feels like—like—like—>
<I know,> I said, my own fear ebbing a little as the arguments began to take hold, as I said the words and forced myself to believe them. <But there’s nobody else, right? I mean literally nobody else. Jake won’t do it, and if there were other Andalites out there, they’d have found him by now. We’re his only hope. And we—we’re the kind of people who don’t back down.>
I paused, waiting.
Come on, buddy.
<We’re the type of people who do the right thing,> Garrett said dully.
<Even if it’s hard,> I said, packing as much confidence as I could into my tone.
<Even if it’s hard.>
<Right now, the right thing is exactly what we’re already doing. There’s two of us—we can handle ourselves as long as we watch each other’s back. And if we want to stop the Yeerks, this is the place to be.>
There was another long pause. <Yeah,> said Garrett. <Maybe.>
I reached out with my fin again, brushed it gently against his, and turned outward once more, facing the darkness.
I couldn’t blame him for being skeptical. I’d almost lost my grip on the connection myself—that saving the world meant beating the Yeerks, which meant gathering intel and allies, which meant rescuing Elfangor’s brother, which meant acquiring a truly deep-water morph, which meant trapping a giant squid, which somehow translated into hanging out in pitch black water a mile beneath the surface of the ocean with a ten-foot gash down my side, waiting for a monster to come along and try to eat me.
There were a lot of steps between A and B. A lot of jumps that the emotional half of my brain didn’t fully buy. It sounded true, but it didn’t feel true.
Or rather, it had felt a lot truer three days ago, when we’d been focused on what could go right instead of what could go wrong.
<Tobias?>
I threw another click and turned back toward Garrett, swimming once more through the trail of my own blood. <Yeah?> I called out.
<Tobias, come back.>
I started to reply, then stopped short, an icicle of fear piercing through my confused, cobbled-together courage.
<I hear it, too,> I said, my thought-speak instinctively dropping to a whisper. <I’m coming.>
It was a kind of whooshing sound, somewhere in the empty blackness beyond my friend—a soft, distant pulse, with just the barest hint of a gurgle behind it. Somewhere underneath the layer of my control, I felt the whale brain awaken, felt it come alive with predatory interest even as the human part of me began to come apart.
Run leave hide go get out get up go up to the light the light the surface get away from it run—
A chorus, an avalanche, a flood of voices as nearly every part of my mind and soul united in sudden, urgent agreement. This wasn’t where I wanted to die. This wasn’t a fight I needed to pick. Every lingering doubt, every unanswered question, all the other possible plans I’d only half-imagined—in that moment, they were all outlined in bold, clear and sharp and undeniable, all pointing in the same direction.
Leave!
Only—
When I tried—
I couldn’t—
It was like something in my mind had turned to stone—some part of me that wasn’t quite able to drive me forward, but was absolutely adamant that I would not go back. I pushed at it, frantic—scrabbled at it, threw myself against it and from the depths of my panic shouted why—
Garrett.
He can leave WITH you, asshole! He’s RIGHT THERE!
Only that wasn’t it. Not quite.
<Tobias,> Garrett called out again, fear edging his thought-speak, and in that instant a memory flashed across my mind, a memory made of everything I hated about the world.
We made a promise, I’d said.
I’m just saying. If you’d broken it. If you hadn’t come back. You could’ve—I wouldn’t have blamed you.
Garrett, thinking I had left him behind at Oak Landing, and telling himself it wasn’t betrayal.
It was a tiny thing, really.
Just faith.
Just trust.
Just one sad little orphan kid who had no reason to believe that the universe would ever be fair—that there was any such thing as justice or kindness or honor. A kid who would stay or go depending on what I did, who was looking to me to show him what the world was made of.
If it had just been Elfangor’s brother, I wouldn’t have had the courage. But I had something else to protect—something I had never put my finger on until that exact moment.
<Don’t think,> I said sharply, surging past him in the inky water. <Drop into the whale. Feel it—it isn’t afraid.>
<Tobias, I don’t think I can—>
<Let go, Garrett,> I repeated, and then I took my own advice, wrapping myself in the whale’s supreme confidence.
Okay. Let’s hunt.
I could still feel my own fear, the desire for air and light and safety. But it was different now, smaller and easier to deal with. It was as if it had been drawing its power from my own indecision—from the possibility that I might decide to run—and now that the door had finally shut, it was just a quiet, irrelevant voice.
<Hang back,> I said. <Stay right here, don’t move. If it figures out that there are two of us, it might run, and I don’t know if we’re fast enough to catch it.>
<But—>
<I’ll be fine. Wait until it’s too late—until we’re tangled up—and then you’ll be the cavalry. Okay?>
<What if you go out of range?>
<You can still hear me. Swim slow—quiet.>
The sound of the squid was noticeably clearer already, somewhat higher in the water than we were and heading almost straight across the “horizon,” from left to right. Putting on a burst of speed, I pulled ahead and turned parallel to its course, leading it by what my whale brain told me was something like a mile.
<What are you doing?> Garrett asked. The fear had disappeared from his voice once again, and somewhere in my soul I pumped a victorious fist into the air.
<It’s too far away. I need to cross in front of it, give it a chance to smell the blood.>
Flexing against the cold, I tried to pull the long, thin gash on my flank open wider, encouraging more blood to spill into the water. I slowed my pace, letting both fins move in a sluggish, erratic pattern.
Come on. Easy prey. Come and get it.
A long minute passed. I slowed down a little more, trying to make plenty of noise in the water. Behind me, I heard a change in the pulsing pattern as the squid paused, then picked up speed. I fired off a click—still too distant to “see” anything—and thrashed a little, hoping to seal the deal.
<It’s heading right for you,> Garrett said quietly. <It just zipped past me. Didn’t even slow down.>
<Good,> I said. <Stay back a little longer.>
<It’s big, Tobias.>
I felt another little spike of fear, felt it disappear in the wash of the whale’s frustration. The whale wanted to move—to turn and hunt, not to feign weakness.
But I was firmly in control, and I slowed my body’s pace even further, letting my tail drag listlessly in the water. <How big?> I asked.
<I couldn’t see it. Big.>
Turn and face it? Or pretend to run?
The whooshing was much louder now. Stalling in the water, I turned and let out another click, receiving a snapshot in return.
Horror—horror so thick that even the whale’s predatory enthusiasm dimmed.
It was enormous—its main body more than half as long as my own, and its tentacles a writhing mass even larger still. I fired off three more clicks in rapid succession to get a sense of its speed.
Fast.
The whale wanted to reorient, to face the monster head-on, but I resisted the instinct, instead curving back toward Garrett, leading it on, hearing the swish and gurgle as it changed course to match. <Five more seconds,> I said. <It’s coming in pretty—AAARRRGGHHHH!>
<TOBIAS!>
Pain. Pain like hot knives digging into my flesh, pain like being torn in half. With chilling, alien intelligence, the squid had reached out with its two longest tentacles and gone straight for the wound in my side, tearing the gash wider, peeling back layers of already-weakened flesh. I thrashed wildly, trying to get away, and only made it worse, my own motion ripping an entire section of muscle away from my ribs.
<NO!>
I screamed, the air emptying from my lungs as I twisted in the water, dragging the squid along behind me. I managed to close my jaws over two of its tentacles just as two others lanced into my face, one of them pressing down over my eye. It pulled away, taking the eyelid with it, only to be replaced an instant later by two more. Yet another tentacle hammered at my back, its suckers shredding the skin and blubber like a chainsaw.
I could feel myself shutting down already, waves of pain and shock crashing into my brain, fracturing my thoughts. The squid was everywhere—above, below, in my eyes, in my mouth. The water around me was thick and hot with blood, and even as I caught another tentacle in my mouth and bit it off, I could tell it wouldn’t be enough.
I beat feebly at the water with my fins, hoping to strike something breakable. An inner darkness began to descend as oxygen deprivation took its course.
No—wait—you—
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>
Suddenly, the squid spasmed, every tentacle retracting in a defensive reflex.
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>
It was—not thought-speak, exactly. Something deeper, louder, more primal—a wordless mental siren more piercing than the loudest shriek. It smashed into me like a shock wave, erasing every thought, every feeling, every order I might have sent to my failing limbs. I fell limp in the water, felt the squid’s grip loosen.
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>
A vast presence, like an airplane flying too close overhead. Something swept past me in the water, slamming into the squid with the force of a freight train. Two of the tentacles tore away from me, taking slivers of flesh with them. A third remained, tearing away from the squid instead.
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeaauh>
Almost as suddenly as it had begun, the scream tapered and died, replaced by confusion and noise. I could hear thrashing—feel the waves of pressure as the water churned violently around me—track the voice in my head as it shouted nonsense. Time passed in immeasurable surges, seconds indistinguishable from centuries.
<Tobias! Up, now!>
I didn’t move, didn’t reply. I’d forgotten how to reply—forgotten that movement was a thing I was capable of doing.
Something slammed into me from below, driving me upward. <Tobias!> the voice screamed again. <I can’t do this by myself!>
I could feel the movement of water against my face, the sensation of swimming. Somewhere deep inside the whale, instinct stirred, begging to be unleashed, to take control, to do something—
But I didn’t know how to let go.
<TOBIAS!>
Around me, the cold began to recede, replaced by a pleasant warmth. My one working eye began to register color—first the darkest midnight blue, then navy, and then, with shocking speed, the royal blue of twilight.
I could see.
Me.
I.
With a convulsive effort, I dragged myself awake, pushed back against my confusion. <Garrett?> I called out.
<Tobias! Swim! Now, up, demorph!>
His tone was sharp and commanding like I’d never heard it, and I responded without question, marshaling my ruined body. What didn’t hurt was terrifyingly numb, and I could barely manage a rhythm with my tail as my empty lungs screamed in protest, but I did what I could. As I took control, I felt the pressure beneath my belly vanish, Garrett slipping out from under me to continue his own arduous climb.
Two thousand feet—one thousand—five hundred—closer and closer, fighting against blackout the whole way, and finally we broke the surface, my whale body literally coming to pieces as I sucked in a huge, gasping breath.
<Demorph!>
Again, I didn’t ask questions, just focused as hard as I could. I was halfway through the change before enough of my own nerves had returned to give me a reliable sense of my own body. Just in time, too—the waves were still over ten feet high, and as most of my mass vanished back into whatever dimension it had come from, I found myself desperately treading water.
“Garrett?” I called out, trying to keep my head above the surface.
<Here,> came the exhausted reply, though without any sense of direction attached.
I turned in a circle, craning my neck as a swell carried me up and then back down again. “Where?” I shouted.
There was a pop-hiss, and a geyser spout appeared a few dozen yards to my right. Holding my breath, I ducked below the surface and opened my eyes.
The water around me was pink with blood and bits of gore, most of it freefloating but some of it leaking from the hundreds of welts and sucker wounds on the sperm whale floating quietly beside me. Two of the squid’s tentacles were still wrapped around the whale’s body, emerging from the shattered blob of jelly cradled gently in its mouth.
<Acquire it,> Garrett said, his tone flat.
He swam toward me, breaking the surface, and I climbed up onto his back, reaching out to place my palm on one of the columns of flesh. Closing my eyes, I focused, feeling the transfer as the squid’s DNA became a part of me.
<Keep it in the trance as long as you can.>
Beneath me, the flesh of the whale began to shift and melt, the suckers tearing away as Garrett shrank out from under them. Taking in another breath, I wrapped my arms around the limp tentacle, maintaining my focus to keep the monster from waking back up. A minute or so later, and Garrett was treading water beside me, his own hand small and pale as it pressed up against the mottled pink flesh next to mine.
“Want to go bird for a while?” I asked. “Catch our breath?”
“No,” he said curtly. “Keep acquiring it.”
“What—”
“Just keep it from waking up.”
As I watched, Garrett began to swell again, the now-familiar pattern of the sperm whale’s skin emerging like a rash. He leaned away from me, filling his lungs and disappearing below the waves.
<Move,> he commanded, sixty seconds later.
I moved.
Beside me, the squid began to stir, its last two tentacles waving feebly in the swells. For a single, nerve-wracking moment, I thought it might still have enough energy to lash out, and then a mountain emerged from the water, Garrett’s mouth gaping open large enough to swallow a car.
It took maybe two minutes for him to eat what was left of the squid, two minutes in which neither of us said a word. When he was finished, he dove down under the surface again, rising up beneath me like a living island.
<Now you can go bird,> he said.
“What about—”
<No flying.>
* * *
Darkness?
What darkness?
All around us was a world of light, traced out in impossibly faint swirls and streaks, the currents themselves glowing like something out of Pocahontas or Fern Gully. Near the bottom, I could see the blues and purples of deep-sea fish, the Christmas-light lures of predators, but even in the upper darkness, the water glowed with life.
<Pretty,> Garrett had said, and then he’d fallen silent, tracing patterns in the black with his tentacles, his enormous eyes following the motes of light as they flared and vanished.
It wasn’t just pretty. Everything that moved—every living thing that plied the depths—they all left trails and patterns behind them. There must have been something in the water, some microscopic algae or bacteria that glowed briefly when disturbed. It was incredibly subtle, dimmer than the dimmest star—but the squid’s eyes could see it.
More than once, we’d spotted a sperm whale or another squid in the distance by the glow they created as they churned through the water. It was an unbelievable adaptation, and a totally unexpected bonus as we drifted across the seafloor, avoiding anything and everything that looked like trouble.
It also helped with the search. There were islands of light, warm pockets near hydrothermal vents where everything sparkled and glowed, but in between was utter black, layered over a mishmash of mud, rock, and alien vegetation. By stirring the water with our fins, we could get a sort of contour map even in the deepest, darkest places.
By my guess, we were about two and a half miles down. After our first dive as squids, I’d done some rough sketches on Garrett’s back, using the Andalite tail to carve shallow, painless scratches in the sperm whale’s thick skin. At two and a half miles, I figured we could be at most a quarter of a mile off while still thinking we were right above the beacon—any more than that, and we would be able to tell that the angle of the signal wasn’t quite up-and-down.
But that still left a pretty wide patch of ocean floor to cover. A quarter mile radius meant half a mile across, which meant something like fifty or sixty city blocks. Not to mention that we knew a straight dive wasn’t actually taking us straight down—we were trying to adjust for the current, but there was no way to tell, underwater, whether we’d gone too far or not enough.
And so we were on our sixth trip down to the seafloor—our ninth dive, in total. Almost eighteen hours underwater, with basically nothing but five-minute breaks in between.
<Hold still. I think I hear something.>
Instantly, I ceased my regular pulsing, let the squid body’s tentacles drift loose. <On the floor?> I asked, coming smoothly to a halt. <Or in the water?>
<In the water.> Above me, Garrett shot upwards, the faintest of neon trails marking his movements. Leveling off, he began turning in a tight circle, scanning the darkness.
<It’s a whale,> he said, after a long moment. <Up above, near the pressure limit. We should be fine.>
I waited, motionless, as he drifted back down. <You sure?> I asked. <We could head in the other direction.>
<No, it’s fine,> he said. <Let’s keep looking.>
We fanned out again, crawling our way along the seafloor, occasionally poking or prodding at something with our tentacles. Once in a while, some strange creature would burst forth, but always to flee, never to attack. Down here, we were at the absolute top of the food chain, the deep-sea version of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
That hadn’t stopped Garrett, of course. For the first few hours after the attack—minus the ten minutes when we’d first encountered the lights—he’d been completely unreasonable. Hypervigilant and overprotective, he’d insisted that we avoid every possible danger, twice forcing us back up to the surface after only a couple of minutes.
I hadn’t fought back particularly hard. The incident with the squid had been almost too quick to be traumatizing—not even two minutes had passed before Garrett intervened, and the combination of shock and demorphing had erased pretty much all of the damage, both psychic and physical.
But that didn’t change the fact that I’d been completely confident right up until the moment everything had fallen apart, or the fact that Garrett had quite literally saved my life. His nervous fear was probably just as much of an overreaction as my arrogance had been, but it was the sort of overreaction that was unlikely to get either one of us killed.
Once he’d seen that I was on board—that I was really listening, not just humoring him, and that I wasn’t going to take any stupid risks—he’d relaxed a little, and the search process had sped up.
Which was a good thing, because as far as I could tell, we might have been searching the same tiny patch over and over again.
<You’re sure this is a different place?> I asked as we drifted over a vent oasis packed with tube worms and lit by the glow of lantern fish.
<Yes.>
I watched as he waved his tentacles over a flat patch of mud, stirring up motes and revealing the harder floor beneath. <Any idea how much ground we’ve covered?> I asked tentatively.
<I dunno,> he said. <Maybe…fifteen Oak Landings? Including the playground?>
So, something like thirty blocks. Half of the search zone, assuming we were in the right place to begin with.
<How do you keep track like that?> I asked. <I mean, is it—automatic? Like the numbers thing?>
<Sort of.> He floated up and over a ridge and back out into the deep, and I followed, turning slightly to cover an adjacent swath of ground. <It’s like—I dunno. It’s like drawing on paper? In pen? Like I’m making a map. And when I go to put something on the map, if it’s already there, if it looks exactly like something I’ve already drawn, then obviously we’ve been there before.>
<Yeah, but how can you tell?> I said, unable to keep the envy out of my voice. <It’s all pretty much the same.>
<You have to look at the parts that matter,> he said simply. <Not the plants or the mud. The rocks, the vents, the hills.>
<But they’re all the same.>
<Not to me.>
I was quiet for a long moment. At first, we’d talked almost constantly, but at some point over the past eighteen hours we’d gotten used to long pauses between thoughts.
<Can you tell where there are holes?> I asked finally. <Like, do you know where we still have to check?>
<Some of it. Some parts of the map haven’t connected yet. But right now we’re kind of cutting across this big hole in the middle. Once we get to the part we’ve already seen before, we’ll want to go—>
He hesitated. <Left, I think. Unless we’re drifting.>
We fell silent again and continued onward, pulsing our way through the psychedelic darkness. Two more times, Garrett called a halt to check on a sound, once changing course in response. Inch by inch, we carved up the territory, looking for anything out of the ordinary.
<Tobias?> Garrett asked, as we passed out of yet another vent.
<Yeah?>
<What happens if we beat the Yeerks?>
<What do you mean?>
<If we win. Starve them out of everybody’s heads and blow up the pool and all that. Say we even take out whatever mothership is up in orbit. What then?>
I swept my tentacles left and right in the darkness, lighting up a field of rough, volcanic boulders. <I guess—>
I broke off. I guess we just go back to our regular lives, I’d started to say.
Only that didn’t make any sense. There were aliens. Aliens with ray guns and telepathic technology, aliens with faster-than-light travel. Morphing technology alone was the kind of thing that would radically change the world, forever, and that wasn’t even counting all the other advancements we could probably get out of studying it.
<I guess we can’t really know until we get there,> I said.
Beside me, Garrett stopped, his squid body falling unnaturally still in the water. <But that’s stupid,> he said, a hint of anger creeping into his voice. <We have to make plans, right?>
<I don’t think we can,> I pointed out. <I mean, so many things are going to be different that all of our regular guesses are going to be way off, you know? Like how people thought we’d have flying cars, but that phones would still have wires attached to them and stuff.>
<But that’s not going to matter!> Garrett shouted, the anger suddenly fanning into flame. <How are we going to stop the rest of them?>
<What?> I asked, wrong-footed.
<The rest of them! On their homeworld, and out there in the galaxy! How does killing one bunch of them here make any difference at all? Won’t they just come back?>
* * *
<Is that it?> Garrett asked quietly.
<It has to be,> I said.
Reaching out, I brushed away the thin layer of silt that had settled across the smooth, curved surface. I could sense a constant vibration through my tentacle, a technologic hum like fluorescent lights. A cold, steely smell flooded the squid’s nostrils, with a touch of ozone like an old electric train set.
<It’s definitely alive,> I reported. <Or—on. Powered. Whatever.>
We did it. Twenty fucking hours under the sea, and we found it. I tried to rein in my excitement, to remind myself that we were—at best—halfway there, but it didn’t work.
I was touching an alien spaceship. Sometimes, you’ve just got to let yourself freak out.
<There’s no light,> Garrett pointed out.
<Maybe because it’s an escape pod?> I reached out with all of my tentacles, wrapping my suckers around the edges as I gently lifted it up and off of the seafloor.
<Aren’t escape pods supposed to be super findable?> Garrett asked.
<Not when they’re in hostile territory.>
I moved the pod away from the underwater embankment where it had been half-buried. It was heavy, but fairly easy to move, its overall shape streamlined and clean, sharply tapered at one end like an almond or an egg. It couldn’t have been more than three or four feet wide, and less than ten feet long—about the size of a really big couch, or a really small car.
<Can you lift it? Like, up to the surface?>
I swam upward experimentally, hauling the pod behind me. <Not quite,> I said. <I think the two of us can get it together, though. And once we get it up high enough, we can use the whale again.>
<And then?>
I let go of the pod, watched the gentle tracings of bioluminescence as it settled back into the muck at the bottom of the ocean.
<Then we find ourselves a desert island.>
* * *
“Okay, let’s go over it one more time.”
“He doesn’t know his brother’s dead. That’s going to be the first big shock. And from what Elfangor told us, giving technology to aliens is a no-no, so he’s not going to be happy about that, either. And it seems like the distress beacon was maybe tuned to Elfangor and only Elfangor, so he might just think we’re holding Elfangor captive, or he might think we’re Yeerks.”
I turned to look at the pod, lying in the sand at the edge of the water, the foam washing up and past it with each crashing wave. The sun was setting, but there was still enough light to see that the pod was the deepest, flattest black—as black as the water we’d pulled it from, absorbing every last photon. It seemed to be all one piece, with three exceptions—two small holes near the wider end, which we thought might be thrusters, and one white patch in the center with seven exactly equal sides.
It didn’t exactly say push me, but it was pretty close.
“And if things go south?”
“I find Jake at 209 Aspen Avenue, or Marco at the house we visited before we left, and I tell them everything. If I can’t find them, I go to Canada, or I fight by myself.”
“You go to C—”
“Or I fight by myself. If you’re dead, you don’t get to tell me what to do.”
I didn’t push it. Garrett was already angry that I’d put my foot down about being the one to open the pod, and that I’d ordered him to stay safely out of the way in a small, durable morph.
But it was the right move. You didn’t commit all of your forces to a single risky move unless you had to, and in this case, we didn’t have to. We had no idea how Elfangor’s brother was going to react, and there was no point in us both dying if first contact went badly, as it very well might. His brother had tried to glass the planet, after all.
Garrett had tried to pull some bullshit about being more expendable, but I’d shut him down hard. We were both equally valuable, and I’d actually talked to Elfangor. I’d been the last one to leave him, at the end. Of the two of us, I was obviously the right choice for what was bound to be a tense conversation.
Besides, he’d already saved my life once this trip. The least he could do was let me return the favor.
I took a deep breath, held it, let it halfway out. “Fine,” I said. “You report back to the others, and then you do whatever the hell you want. Just as long as you make it off this island alive.” I fixed him with a steady look, arranging my face into a serious expression even though I knew it would make no difference. “That’s a rule.”
“It’s a rule,” Garrett agreed, each word sounding like a curse.
“Then let’s do this.”
There was no hesitation, this time—no half-hearted mantras, no complicated chains of reasoning. Whatever fears and doubts Garrett might have, he wasn’t giving in to them. And my own priorities were clear—had remained clear since falling into place in the moments before the attack.
Garrett’s faith in humanity wasn’t worth dying for. Not when the rest of the world was at stake. But if I had to die either way, I was sure as hell going to try and pay for it on my way out.
Beside me, I heard the usual squelching as Garrett’s organs began to shift and change. Turning, I focused on the pod, and on the alien who’d put me on the path to finding it.
Let him be alive, I whispered, to no one in particular. For Elfangor’s sake. Let him have this one thing.
I fell forward onto my hands, blue fur spreading in waves across my skin, two legs and a tail emerging from the base of my spine.
<You ready?> I asked Garrett, a minute and a half later.
<Yeah,> he answered. I watched with my stalk eyes as he scuttled off to one side, burying himself halfway under the sand. <All set.>
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP ME.>
Gathering my resolve, I stepped forward, raising my Andalite hand and spreading my seven fingers.
<Tobias,> Garrett said, just before my palm made contact.
I waited.
<I just—>
Waited.
<Well. Thanks.>
<Oh, shut up,> I shot back, feigning nonchalance. <It’s going to be fine.>
<ELFANGOR. BROTHER. HELP—>
Leaning forward, I covered the final inch, my hand seeming to sink into the hard white surface. I felt a tingle, sensed movement beneath my fingers, and pulled my hand away as the patch turned black and disappeared.
Nothing else happened.
<Tobias, what—>
<Shhh. Wait.>
Seconds ticked by, stretching out into a minute, then two.
<Is the signal still—>
<No, it stopped.>
Slowly, carefully, I reached out again, placing my hand in the spot where the patch had previously been.
Still nothing.
<Hello?> I called out, cautiously.
There was no answer.
<Do you think it’s—>
Without vibration, without sound, without any kind of warning at all, the black pod suddenly leapt into the air, scattering sand and water as it rocketed skyward. I staggered backward, craning upward with all four eyes, watching as it shrank to the size of a quarter, of a pebble, of a speck. In seconds, it was gone, lost in the fading twilight.
For a long moment, I stood motionless—stunned. With all of the contingency plans we’d thought of, all of the ways things might go wrong, neither one of us had even considered that.
Beside me, the sand shifted, Garrett’s body slowly rising as he emerged from morph. <Well, what are we supposed to do now?> he asked.
I had absolutely no idea.
Chapter 13: Aximili
Summary:
Our first look inside the mind of an Andalite warrior.
Notes:
There's a very complicated thing that happens, when you try to write down what a non-linguistic, telepathic species is trying to say in a rationalist fanfic. For the most part, Andalite concepts are not likely to be expressed in words, when they can be transmitted directly with no need for compression or encapsulation. However, SOME concepts will have been so central, so important to the shared culture and experience, that they will have been encoded in multiple ways. Just as we have the word "peace," the sound "peace," the symbol we make with our fingers, and the circle-with-lines-in-it symbol, so too some Andalite ideas would end up having sights or sounds associated with them—likely through some kind of onomatopoetic metaphor. That's how we get names like "Aximili," "Elfangor," "Alloran," "Seerow," and "Iscafil," and that's how we ended up with the words in the chapter below.
As always, pretty pretty please leave me some comments or reviews (the more words, the better) either here or at r/rational. It's the only data I get on what's working and what isn't! Thanks for being awesome.
Chapter Text
Chapter 12: Aximili
[A FOUR-WINGED INSECT, BEAUTIFUL AND DELICATE, CAREFULLY CRADLED IN SEVEN-FINGERED HANDS…
<You will need to be exceptionally cautious, Aximili.>
I came awake in an instant, the echo of my brother’s voice still fresh in the dain. Information flooded my thoughts as the suspension field withdrew from my body—a full cycle’s worth of recordings, compressed and prioritized.
(Why, Elfangor? I could have helped.)
I looked through the eyes of the cradle, into the past. I saw the stars whirling beyond the dome as it spiraled down into the atmosphere, saw the grass shrivel and die as the air itself caught fire. The red-white light of Yeerk Dracon beams seared across the field, carving away massive chunks of my home.
(Was it a feint all along? Is that why the shredders would not fire?)
((But why wouldn’t you have told me?))
I saw, in a flash, the nature of the decoy—the bright explosion, the scattered debris. Saw the bank of cradles, all seven of them still in their places, and my own, black and cloaked, emerging from a hidden compartment, hurtling perpendicular to the path of the falling dome and entering the water well over the horizon.
(The Yeerks would have collected the wreckage, of course.)
I saw the beings who had pulled me from the water—
(How had they found me?)
—saw their forms change—
(The monopoly on morphing has been lost!?)
((The cradle could be deceived. The charade could be achieved with holograms, for some other purpose.))
—from angular, many-limbed aquatic darts to soft, pale climbers, ill-adapted for the water—
(Their true form?)
—to an enormous, rock-like swimmer, and back once more to the climbers—
(Their true form. The timing is consistent with the mass synchronization collapse limit.)
((The image they want you to see as their true form. It may still be a hoax.))
—and then—
—impossibly—
—into the shape of my brother, Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul.
No.
No.
It is a lie. A deception. It cannot be.
(But the cradle responded.)
((But they followed the signal.))
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt it awaken—the thunder-crack, the thought-that-is-not-to-be-denied. It moved forward, relentless even as I fought it—as I pretended stone, turned my stalks to the earth.
Elfangor is dead.
I didn’t know it—not with the brightness of the sun. He could have been captured. He could have been incapacitated. The two strange aliens could have been his agents, his confederates.
But it was the most likely explanation. A full cycle beneath the water—I would not have lain alone so long had he been turned, or had he been capable of maneuver. And these aliens were not equipped, were carrying none of the weapons or tools which my brother surely would have provided them.
(They carry the morphing power.)
((How long would the cradle have held me, if they had not appeared?))
Elfangor is dead, and his burden falls to me.
Releasing the recording, I opened the cradle’s eyes, looked out at my brother’s stolen face.
<You see the problem, don’t you, Aximili?>
Elfangor’s voice, speaking from the dain. I listened as I danced my mind across the controls. Fuel levels—good. Stealth capabilities—intact. Navigation—online, and rapidly mapping.
<They will come for you.>
External weapons—none.
<They will come for you, and you will have to face them alone.>
Zero-space communications—none.
<There is no way to be sure. No sign that cannot be forged, no secret code that cannot be mimicked.>
I ran down the list of my emergency supplies. Food—enough for three cycles. One compact scanner, fully charged. Three Shredders, all claiming to be in working order, though after the disastrous battle I had my doubts.
<There is no proof which you could trust, that you speak to me, and not to one of them. And there is no proof which you could offer me, either.>
A single command, and I could be in orbit. The cradle was well-made; it was almost certain that it could evade the Yeerks’ notice.
<You cannot rely on the eib. You cannot even rely on the dain. For seven full sunrises, Alloran walked among us, already lost.>
A different command, and it would take me to the epicenter. To the structure Elfangor had identified, the lair of the Yeerk coalescion.
<And do not lower your guard, simply because you see me laying waste to the enemy, or because you have waited for a cycle’s passing. The enemy is not stupid. They understand holograms, and they would gladly sacrifice an ocean of their brood for a seventh of a seventh of a chance at capturing another Andalite.>
In front of me, the alien leaned forward as if trying to peer through the cradle’s plating, confusion plainly visible in the movement of its stalks, the angle of its tail. I felt the touch of its mind brush across the eib, heard the whisper of a greeting.
<They will know that you know this. They will remember this very conversation. They will twist my words against you, undermine your reason, play upon your emotions. They will do everything in their power to confuse and ensnare you. They are like the Ellimist, Aximili—everywhere and nowhere at once.>
I could kill the alien, weapons or no weapons—could use the cradle’s own weight to stun it, crush it, tear open its false form. It was standing there, stupid and defenseless, wearing my brother’s face, an abomination—
(Just as it would if it were innocent.)
((Just as it would if it wanted me to think it were innocent.))
<You will have to be strong. But more than that, you will have to be clever. You will have to be unpredictable, even to me. Even to Alloran. You will have to leave the Path, become like the wind in thought and deed, or you will find them waiting for you wherever you strike.>
Fighting back against my despair, I turned away from the dain, closed my mind to the eib and sank deep into the endless quiet of the hirac. With an effort, I could manage four lines of thought at once—one bright, one glow, one shade, and one dark.
Elfangor—
(is dead.)
((is taken.))
(((lives, but is constrained.)))
((((lives and is free, but has left me to my own devices for reasons I do not know.))))
Then these aliens—
(are agents of the Yeerks, or allies Elfangor made before he died, or thieves who plundered his ship.)
((are Yeerks.))
(((are his allies, and he has sent them to rescue me, but he has given them no passwords because he knows I cannot trust them anyway.)))
((((are Yeerks, or some third faction that has stolen the morphing power.))))
Which means—
(I can do nothing until I know more.)
((I must kill them—except that they expect me to do so, which means it will not hinder their goals, and may somehow further them.))
(((I must avoid them—which Elfangor knows—but that they may be useful in the future.)))
((((they must die.))))
I felt the darkest line end, felt the shadow and glow dissolve into uncertainty as the bright turned once more to the image of my brother’s face outside the cradle.
What would you do, brother?
The question was tinged with the deepest sadness. Always before, there had been an answer, and that answer had been my guiding light. Always before, Elfangor’s path had been my path.
But no longer. Not until I knew for sure that the Yeerks were not hunting along that same trail.
Outside, the alien stretched forward its stolen hand, pressed seven fingers against the side of the cradle.
Friend, or foe?
I didn’t know.
Rising from the hirac, I reached out to the cradle, gave it my instructions.
I’m sorry, brother.
On a sudden impulse, I dialed down the shielding on the cradle’s core, sending a wash of radiation outward, bathing the two aliens in a particle glow. The half-life of the exhaust was short, and most of the radiation would disappear in the morphing process. But some would remain, some fraction of a fraction of a fraction—enough, I hoped, to be detectable even after multiple cycles, multiple transformations. If these aliens were my allies—
—Elfangor’s allies—
—I would want to be able to find them again.
I took one final look at the alien—at the face of my brother, which I might never see again.
And then I rose into the sky.
* * *
One pool ship, lurking behind the planet’s satellite—an unfamiliar design, but certainly too small to hold more than two coalescions and a few thousand Controllers.
Four Bug fighters, superficially cloaked and holding in a tetrahedron around the planet—one of Alloran’s favorite siege formations. Four more fighters hovering by the pool ship. Presumably four more down on the surface. I wasn’t sure where the thirteenth might be—I had scanned space for an orbit’s width in every direction and was reasonably confident there were no other ships nearby.
There were signs of infestation sprinkled across the globe—a scattering of strange electromagnetic signals and traces of rare metals—but only the one large cluster, centered on a tightly organized group of structures near the coast of one of the larger land masses.
I had no trouble locating the pool. It was underground, inside one of the alien buildings, defended by an absorption field.
A full absorption field—not a plate, or a wedge, or even a dome, but a complete, flawless sphere, extending as far underground as it did above. There had been rumors that the Yeerks might have salvaged a sphere from the wreckage of the thirteenth fleet, but the rumors had never been confirmed. Certainly there had been no sign of it during the war for the Hork-Bajir, nor in the ongoing struggle for Leera—
(Perhaps it was damaged, and has only now been repaired.)
—nor in any of the skirmishes that had taken place around Gara, or Desbadeen, or the Yeerk homeworld.
It was by far the most powerful weapon in the Yeerk arsenal, for all that it was purely defensive. The entire first fleet could rain fire down upon it for seven cycles, and not cause so much as a warm breeze inside. The Yeerks couldn’t possibly have stolen more than one, and it would be seven revolutions or more before they had the infrastructure to build their own—that they had chosen to deploy it here, of all places, was confirmation of everything Elfangor had feared.
This planet—this tiny, undeveloped, backwater world—was Visser Three’s true target.
(But then where is the rest of the Yeerk fleet? Where are the massive arks, the swarming Bug fighters, the endless waves of Naharan drones?)
((Perhaps this will convince the war council, where Elfangor’s arguments could not.))
I settled in to observe, time growing like grass as I hovered invisibly to one side of the massive sphere. The Yeerk holograms were cheap and flimsy, and the cradle had no trouble penetrating them. Through the building’s transparent panels, I had an excellent view of the shape of the interior—the cavernous pool, the barracks of Hork-Bajir Controllers, the beginnings of a Naharan weapons manufactory. I watched as various Controllers passed through the field, noted the system of locks and compartments—
(It will not be possible to gas them, then.)
((No Gleet bio-filters. Important enough for their only absorption field, but not important enough for basic anti-morph security?))
—began collecting data on the duties and rotations of the sentries inside. Understanding the patterns would be crucial, if I was to infiltrate without drawing attention. I had Hork-Bajir, Taxxon, and Naharan morphs, and would have no trouble acquiring—
(What had Elfangor called them?)
—no trouble acquiring a human.
I felt a tightness in my muscles, the beginnings of an ache at the base of my tail, and I triggered the cradle’s nutrient-search protocol. I would need to feed soon, or begin using up the three cycles’ worth of emergency supplies. I wasn’t looking forward to consuming the dry, insubstantial grass I had seen in my pass over the wilderness—hopefully the cradle could detect a richer source of energy nearby.
A soft chime sounded in the eib, and my stalks were drawn to the fuel gauge. My journey out to the satellite had been expensive, as had been my long, atmospheric approach as I quick-scanned the other continents. The cradle wasn’t meant for sustained flight—if I wanted to maintain the option of returning to space, I had only a seventh of a cycle of fuel remaining before I would need to land and power down.
Time to make a decision, Aximili.
I had several obvious options. I could begin preparing for guerilla warfare in the center of the infestation—acquire local morphs, gather intelligence, stay close to the pool and wait for my chance. I could investigate one of the further signs of infestation, building up knowledge and experience away from the enemy’s main strength. I could search for the necessary components to build a long-range communicator, and attempt to make contact with the war council. I could seek information about the aliens’ social structure, and try to either recruit their leaders or expose the invasion to the larger population.
But if these options were obvious to me, they would be obvious to Elfangor, and to Alloran. The Yeerks would have plans in place—contingencies, countermeasures. It needn’t even be a trap—simple competence on their part, and I could wind up captured or dead.
Further.
I could return to the aliens in the ocean, the ones with the morphing power. Track their movements, scan their surroundings, perhaps rig together some kind of holographic disruptor from the components of the cradle. For that matter, I could look for signs of morphing power here, in the Yeerk stronghold—if they had access to the Iscafil device, it was extremely unlikely that they would hold back on using it.
I could try to draw the Yeerks to me—expose myself, but not in a way that would catch the attention of the entire planet. Lay a trap, catch a few Controllers, and start getting a sense of the state of the invasion’s security procedures.
Not far enough.
I reached into the dain, into the place where Elfangor’s voice lived alongside my own. <Help me,> I whispered.
<I cannot help you, Aximili. I cannot help you see what-I-cannot-see.>
<But you can see the shape of the problem. What would you do?>
<Have you not already realized?>
I hesitated. The dain was never quite real—it was a shadow, an echo, a reflection. But it was also Elfangor—it was a part of my mind that was not truly my own. It could know things that I did not, make connections I wasn’t capable of making.
What would my brother do?
In the structure below, an alien bent over the water, as so many had done before. Two Hork-Bajir warriors stood on either side, their clawed talons gripping its arms as the Yeerk slid from its ear, as it began to struggle and scream. It fought—uselessly—and was thrown into a cage alongside the rest of its kind.
Know victory, Alloran had taught. Know victory in every form and every shape—know its every property. If you cannot recognize it when you see it—cannot tell it apart from defeat—then you will never know which of the available paths is the true Path.
Victory was a galaxy in which the Andalites were free of the threat of Yeerk domination. Any future with that property was sufficient.
<I see,> I whispered sadly. <That is why you wouldn’t let me be your stalks-and-tail.>
<I did not want that weight on your back, Aximili. It was not your stone to cast. Not yet.>
<But it did not work.>
<Apparently not.>
I thought for a moment. If Elfangor had meant to scour the surface, wipe out all of the aliens—
<Would you have given them weapons?> I asked. <Having already failed—would you have armed them? Warned them?>
<I do not know, brother. I think perhaps I might have—but then, I am only dain. What Elfangor knew, that I do not, I can only guess.>
I looked out through the eyes of the cradle, at the cage full of aliens. I didn’t know their body language, what the expressions of their faces meant. But I could see the violence with which they pulled at the bars that imprisoned them, the desperate effort with which they fought the Hork-Bajir who came to drag them out.
I could kill them all, perhaps. Find some process by which to empty the planet of life—a virus, or a chemical reaction, or an unconstrained self-replicator. Finish the task my brother had set out to complete.
Or I could try to help them help themselves, could give them knowledge and power, at the risk of making them even more dangerous in the event of failure.
Further.
What else was there? I was no Ellimist.
A sudden movement in the structure below caught my attention—an interior panel flying across the open space as a pair of aliens burst through, a dense, muscular biped of a type I did not recognize carrying one of the pale climbers on its back.
In an instant, the entire chamber erupted in chaos. The biped collided with one of the climber guards, emerging with a handheld Dracon beam clutched in its fist as the Hork-Bajir began to converge on its position. A moment later, it wrapped its thick fingers around the bars to one of the cages and pulled, tearing the door off its hinges and hurling the twisted metal across the room.
Flashes of Dracon fire began to light up the room, one of them striking the alien a glancing blow. It didn’t slow down—just barreled across the room, vanishing from my line of sight for a moment before reappearing through one of the exterior doors.
Moving at top speed, the alien tore across the flat, black surface, passing through the one-way absorption field without resistance, still carrying both the climber and the weapon as it headed for the foliage. I was about to turn the cradle to follow it when I caught sight of a third alien, this one a brightly striped quadruped lounging in one of the taller plants near the structure. It dropped down to the ground just as two Controllers emerged from inside, following the first alien.
They didn’t follow it very far.
I hovered, indecisive, as the climbers in the pool chamber poured out of the broken cage and began to do battle with the guards, as the quadruped slaughtered five more Controllers outside the structure and then turned and disappeared into the undergrowth.
Behind me, the first pair of aliens dropped off the screen, having gone too far for the cradle’s sensors to distinguish them from the background heat and chaos. I ordered the cradle’s mind to track the quadruped, and the mass of climber Controllers that were now streaming out of the structure unimpeded, communicating with resonant pulses of air as they fanned out to search the area.
Is this a trap? I wondered. An illusion, designed to draw me out, trick me into revealing myself?
But I was no longer looking at a passive recording of the type a hologram might fool. The cradle’s sophisticated sensors were running at full strength, and there seemed to be no doubt—the scene unfolding before me was real.
It could still be a ploy, I cautioned myself. A performance, for your benefit.
(To what end, though? If the Yeerks already have enough morph-capable hosts to put on a show like this—)
((Had they solved the neurocomplexity problem with lower animals?))
Still, caution was appropriate. Continuing to observe, I readied the cradle for a swift and automatic exit skyward, keying it to take over at a single, short command. Inside the structure, the chaos was already dying down, the Hork-Bajir forcing the escaped humans back into the other cages one by one. Outside, the climber Controllers were organizing themselves into a somewhat coherent pattern while the quadruped looped back around.
I recognized the tactic—simple enough to be almost laughable, but no less fundamental, for that. Never be the hunted, Alloran had written. Always be the hunter.
(Had I overlooked a possibility? Could these be Andalites somehow?)
Quietly, carefully, I brought the cradle closer to the ground, hoping to get a better angle for seeing between the densely packed trees. The first wave of Controllers had arranged themselves in a wide, semicircular arc, and a second wave was now passing through them, expanding the perimeter. I noted that, while they’d used Dracon fire inside, none of the aliens outside was carrying anything more sophisticated than directional explosives.
A quiet alert in the eib drew my attention back to the quadruped, which had hunkered down in the middle of a thick tangle of plant life and was now transforming into one of the pale climbers.
(Task: confirm only one sapient species on the planet. Are they all climbers, or do some of them have a different true form?)
Drifting still lower, I maneuvered cautiously through the trees until I was directly above the thicket, then once again lowered the containment shielding on the cradle’s core. The wash of radioactive exhaust blanketed the area below, and I noted with satisfaction that the alien below had finished demorphing—this trace would last much longer than the one I had put on the other aliens, whose construct bodies would have been refactored back into zero-space when they demorphed.
I was debating whether or not to chase after the first pair of aliens—to tag them, too—when the cradle sounded another quiet alert. Glancing at the screens, I immediately understood what had caught the computer’s attention.
One of the climber Controllers in the outermost ring of searchers had broken formation—it was nearing the edge of sensor range and moving fast, about to drop off the screen. There was no sign that it had sent any messages, or that any of the other Controllers had noticed—the rest of them were still moving forward in their slow, meticulous pattern.
Intrigued, I took the cradle up above the canopy and began to follow. A moment later, the alien emerged from the forest, its skin slick and shining in the moonlight, its torso heaving as it breathed. I watched as it paused next to a grate in the ground, digging through the folds of its fabric covering. It pulled three items out of various pockets—a stunner, a communicator, and a cylinder I didn’t recognize—and dropped them into the darkness, then slid a ring from one of its fingers and discarded that too before resuming its sprint away from the Yeerk complex.
An escapee?
I continued to trail after the alien from a distance, keeping my stalk eyes on its progress as I turned my main eyes back to the cradle’s interface. Pulling up the sensor recordings, I began playing them in reverse at triple speed, watching as the alien backpedaled through the foliage, across the black, and back into the building. It had spoken briefly with one of the Controllers that seemed to be in a position of authority; before that, it had taken a weapon from a rack guarded by Hork-Bajir; before that, it had helped to drag several other climbers back into the cages; before that, it had wrestled with a large climber on the edge of the pool—
Wait.
I began playing the recording forward, more slowly this time.
The two aliens were both running, both apparently using the orifices on their faces to produce sounds that the cradle hadn’t been able to pick up. They had collided—struggled briefly—
And then the one I was observing had killed the other, with a sharp, violent twist of its neck.
I reversed the recording again, watching as the other alien returned to life, as the pair of them separated. Before the struggle, the one who had died had been running around the edge of the pool, coming from the far side of the chamber—
And the one I was observing had emerged from the cage.
I began playing the recording forward again, at doublespeed. There was the struggle—the lethal movement—the gentle splash as the victor rolled his opponent’s body over the edge and into the pool, then stood up—
Traitor.
Without any sign, without a moment’s hesitation, the alien had turned on its fellows—the others who had emerged from the cage with it. It had helped to point them out, to hunt them down—had rallied the other guards and dragged no fewer than four of its fellow slaves back into captivity with its own two hands. Then it had walked calmly over to the Hork-Bajir, requested a weapon, and joined the Controllers in the search party outside.
And once it was beyond the walls, and out of sight of the others—
I turned my main eyes away from the recording and back to the main screen that my stalk eyes had been monitoring. The alien was moving oddly, furtively—with no stalks of its own, it had to turn its whole head to look behind it or above, which it did every few steps. It was avoiding other aliens, sticking to dim-lit pathways and the narrow spaces between buildings as it cut its way through the settlement, headed for the outskirts.
I reached for the dain. <Brother?> I asked.
<Watch for treachery.>
I had already extended the cradle’s sensors as far as they would go, but I increased the sensitivity of the scanning algorithms, to alert me if anything moved in the sky around me. Immediately, I received a flood of warnings, and filtered through them—nothing but avians and insects.
Below me, the alien had found a two-wheeled metal device lying on the grass in front of a small, standalone structure and had mounted it. Its legs were pumping furiously, driving the device forward down the hard, black surface of the artificial path, quadrupling its speed. The cradle matched it easily, and soon enough we were approaching another of the standalone structures, this one with a many-peaked roof and a wide assortment of plant-life.
Abandoning the machine, the alien sprinted to the door at the front of the structure and burst through it, disappearing inside. Quickly, I spun the cradle around, adjusting its position in the sky, searching for an angle that would allow me to peer in through one of the transparent panels.
By the time I located the alien again, it was crouched over another of its species—a smaller, slender specimen with longer hair and softer lines, lying unconscious on the artificial grass as red blood trickled from a wound from its head. The larger alien was searching frantically through the fabric that was draped across the other’s form, pulling out object after object. Eventually, it ceased searching and selected three of the objects—a stunner, a communicator, and a mysterious cylinder, as before—setting them aside before reaching for the other alien’s hand and pulling the ring off of its second finger.
Putting the ring together with the other objects, the alien stood and strode over to a large storage space on one side of the room, rummaging through several bins before emerging with a long, flexible cord, which it used to immobilize the smaller alien’s limbs, looping around them over and over and over again.
That one is a Controller, too, then.
The situation was obvious enough. The smaller alien must have had some special relationship with the larger—perhaps they were family, or mates—since the larger had already proven itself willing to sacrifice others for its own freedom. Clearly, it was planning to escape, taking the smaller with it—likely to some secluded location, where it could starve the Yeerk out of its partner’s head.
Standing again, the larger alien passed out of sight, disappearing deeper into the structure. I set the cradle on an irregular loop, checking every window in a cycle as I tried to sort out my options.
The odds that this was intended as a trap for me were low, and falling. There was no reason for the Yeerks to lure me away from their stronghold, even given that I would be more vulnerable once I had left the cradle.
Could the alien make good on its escape? It wasn’t clear how good the Yeerk security apparatus was. If the four objects the alien had abandoned were indeed its only links to the other Controllers, then there was a chance. It would take a while for the coalescion to notice a missing host, and if the other members of the search party were sufficiently disorganized—
(or sufficiently paranoid, such that they assumed a missing teammate meant enemy action, and not an internal escape)
—then it was mostly a matter of making it out of the immediate vicinity. If, on the other hand, someone had noticed the alien’s departure, then this was surely the first place they would check. And if they tried to raise the smaller one on a communicator, and got no response—
A sudden flash of light from inside the structure caught my attention, and I spun the cradle around just in time to see a second and a third.
Dracon fire.
The cradle was already moving, automatically heading for the best vantage point, and after a moment I could see the source of the fire—a third climber, this one not even half the size of the others, standing over the prone figure of the larger alien with a weapon in one hand and a communicator in the other. As I watched, it finished making orifice sounds into the communicator and reached into a pocket, withdrawing yet another of the mysterious cylinders. Popping it open, it crouched next to the larger alien and held the cylinder close to its ear.
There was movement—a tendril of gray, the sparkle of something wet. Slowly, a blind slug emerged from the cylinder, oozing and probing as it searched for the entryway.
Stasis technology.
Even in the tight confines of the cradle, I felt my tail droop. The Yeerks had not had stasis technology half a revolution ago, and they had certainly not had enough grubs for every Controller to carry a spare at all times. The war was changing, and it was changing fast.
Starting a timer, I lifted the cradle high into the sky and doublechecked the cloaking field. Now was as good a time as any to start evaluating Yeerk operational security. Would they send a team to confirm that the situation was resolved? If so, would it be composed of human Controllers? Did a near-escape rate a Bug fighter?
I opened myself to the dain once more, where my brother was waiting as he always had, as he always would be.
<Have you made a decision, brother?>
I had not. Every option seemed predictable, every consequence opaque.
<Welcome to the universe.>
I reviewed my options once again. Destroy the planet, arm the aliens, warn the aliens, warn the war council, destroy the pool, ally myself with the mysterious morphers.
There was something I wasn’t seeing.
<Will you sit and wait for it, then? Pretending stone, until the decision is made for you?>
That wasn’t what I meant.
<And yet, that is what you have done thus far. You witnessed two aliens morphing, and you ran. You witnessed a battle at the pool, and you ran. You passed undetected past every Yeerk vessel in the system, and took no action. Even now—there are three Controllers in the structure below, and you continue to do nothing.>
<Says the brother who locked me in a cradle and went out to face the Visser without me!> I shouted aloud, no longer content to let the dain draw meaning from my thoughts.
<Yes—I held you back from battle, then. But I am not here to hold you back now, am I?>
Pain like a tail blade piercing my chest.
Elfangor is gone.
He is gone, and I am alone.
<Yes. I am gone, Aximili. There is nothing left of me but a shadow, a scratch upon the wall. If you are waiting for someone to tell you what to do, you will wait forever.>
I turned the cradle’s eyes downward, to the building where the aliens waited—including the alien who had killed one of his own, who had sacrificed four others for the chance to free two, and ended up a slave anyway.
Know victory.
Three fewer Yeerks—it wasn’t victory, not in the slightest. But it would be something.
<For you, brother,> I whispered, and I pointed the cradle downward.
* * *
The chime was no longer gentle—had become, instead, a constant, annoying whine. I could have silenced it with a thought, but a part of me welcomed the distraction, was glad to have a focal point for my frustration.
I had freed the family—two mates and their offspring, each with sound-names I hadn’t bothered to remember. It had been easy. The Yeerks had not bothered to send anyone to check on them after the near escape, so I simply waited until they were all asleep and stunned them through the transparent panels.
Excising the Yeerks from their heads had been trickier, but I had managed it by adapting three of the defensive ear blocks in the survival kit, replacing the usual gate with a frequency modulator tuned to the exact characteristics of a Yeerk neuron. It had been painful, and the climbers would suffer some lasting effects, but they were free.
Unfortunately, we had been completely unable to communicate.
Correction—I had been completely unable to communicate. The translator had handled their stick-speak just fine, thanks to the data Elfangor had mysteriously produced when we first entered the system.
But these aliens had no eib. There was no place for my thoughts to go, and so my attempts to converse had led to disaster. Seizures, hallucinations, disorientation—after the third attempt, they had begged me to stop, the larger one physically shielding the others behind it, as if that would make any difference. I took on its form, thinking to speak with them after their own fashion, but that had failed, too—the translator had told me what sounds to make, but not how to make them. I had barely managed fourteen words before giving up in disgust.
I had hoped that setting them free would give me some sense of accomplishment, of purpose, but all it had done was highlight the enormity of the task before me. Operational security notwithstanding, the Yeerk machine was fast and efficient—with just the resources I had already seen, they could start an exponential growth cycle that would convert all seven billion humans within a single revolution. Soon, destroying the planet would be the only viable option—and even that would be futile once the Yeerks managed to export a viable breeding population.
So far, the only thing preventing me from declaring defeat was the fact that they had only a single pool ship in the system, but that was confusing in its own right—every Andalite knew that the Visser was in command of a fleet of thirteen. If this was his main target—and the more I observed, the more convinced I became—then where were the rest of them?
The whine of the cradle increased in frequency, and I looked once more at the fuel gauge. I had less than a forty-ninth of a cycle remaining before I was using up final reserves—reserves I would need, if I ever wanted to leave the surface under my own power. If I didn’t find the aliens soon, I was going to have to abandon the search.
I had decided to investigate the morphing connection—a second visit to the pool had turned up no evidence of morphing power among the Yeerks. It was seeming more and more likely that my brother had transferred the ability to some of the locals before dying—had possibly even left them with the Iscafil device. If so, then I had allies—or at the very least, resources. It had seemed safer to search for the pair that had first drawn me up from the deep—I had clear evidence that they, at least, were not hostile, and it was dangerous to continue flying around close to the Yeerk stronghold.
But the ocean was vast, the currents uncertain, and the range of the cradle’s scanners insufficient. For ages, I had been criss-crossing back and forth across the path between the island and the pool, and thus far I had found nothing.
It was possible that they were deep below the surface, but I lacked the fuel reserves to power through the water, and so I’d simply continued my pointless search—helpless—useless—at the whim of random chance. At this point, even if I found them, I would have to abandon the cradle and swim back to shore.
I had tried to stay in touch with the dain at first—to gain wisdom and perspective from the shadow of my brother. But it had been too difficult, as the hours dragged on and there was nothing to distract me from the pain of my loss. Eventually, I had silenced dain and eib alike, sinking deep into the hirac where my thoughts could chase one another around in endless circles.
The cradle’s whine had ticked up twice more before the sensors finally detected a trace of exhaust radiation. Zeroing in on it, I saw two of the gray, rock-like swimmers, both close to the surface, their breath sending up enormous geysers of mist. On closer inspection, it was clear that the two swimmers weren’t just similar—they were identical, completely alike in every way.
Morphs.
I came in low, close to the swells, near enough that the fall would be unlikely to injure me. Taking in a breath, I gave the cradle its final instructions—to go to a specified set of coordinates and power down—and opened the hatch.
A frigid wind whipped into the tight space, bringing the blood rushing to the surface of my skin. For the first time in nearly a cycle, I felt true starlight on my face—a small, yellow sun, somewhat cooler than the one of my homeworld. I turned my stalks in all directions, taking in the blue sky, the pale clouds, the slate-gray of the horizon.
For a brief moment, I found myself reluctant to leave the cradle. It was small, uncomfortable, defenseless, and cold. But it was Andalite. It had saved my life. It had been a part of my brother’s ship.
I felt myself reaching for the dain, for Elfangor’s reassuring voice, and forced myself to stop mid-thought. It seemed wrong, somehow—important, that I do this one part without help.
Pushing off the cradle with my tail, I stepped out into the emptiness.
The water was shockingly cold, and surprisingly bitter through my hooves. Keeping my stalks above the surface, I ducked my main eyes under the water.
One of the swimmers was right in front of me, its own eye within striking distance of my tail. The other was rising up from underneath, and in a few moments I was standing on my own legs atop its back, struggling to keep my balance as the waves pushed it up and down.
I felt a gentle brush across the eib, a whisper of stick-speak that the translator identified as a tentative hello. I ignored it, focusing instead on the memory of the alien climber, beginning my transformation. It seemed likely that the construct would insulate the aliens from the side-effects of thought-speak, but it wasn’t worth the risk—especially not when a seizure might dump me back into the icy water.
The other swimmer surfaced and rolled, floating on the surface, watching me as the transformation neared completion, as my fur disappeared and my hooves were replaced with soft, handlike appendages. I felt the unfamiliar orifice open up in the center of my newly flattened face, felt the organs for food-grinding and vocalization emerge as my airways shifted into place.
Finally, the change was finished. Smacking my flesh-flaps together, I took in another breath and carefully formed the stick-sounds the translator had taught me. I had hoped to share my name the way it felt in my head—the call of the amphibious hunter that danced through the wetland reeds, its skin red like the rising sun. But in the end, it had proven impossible to pronounce, and I’d settled on something shorter.
“Hel,” I said, looking down at the monstrous eye. “Hel. El. Lo. Hello. My nain—my nay-muh. Namuh. My name is Ax.”
<Hi, Ax,> came the translated reply. <My name is Tobias.>
Chapter 14: Esplin
Summary:
Our noble adversary attempts to juggle conflicting goals against unknown enemies.
Notes:
Author's Note: I'm not particularly happy with the final line of this chapter, and I'm thinking about crowdstorming a better one. Reviews here or discussion at r/rational if you've got a flair for pithy, evil one-liners. And, as always, I welcome your thoughts, comments, speculation, and critical feedback—the more detailed, the better.
With this installment, we close the second "book." I've got a busy couple of months, and will probably not be able to update until February (at the earliest) or April (at the latest), with the possible exception of a brief interlude that I might add over the next couple of days. Once I begin updating again, I'll hit one chapter every two weeks for another complete cycle (Jake, Marco, Rachel, Garrett, Cassie, Tobias, Ax, Esplin, assuming none of those people die before their turn comes up).
Chapter Text
Chapter 13: Esplin 9466
There will be no attack.
I sighed, the motion oddly satisfying as my human shoulders rose and fell. <So we are to play this game again?> I asked, loosening my grip so that Alloran could speak more freely.
<It is no game, Yeerk. Read my thoughts—the Ellimist laughs with you.>
I looked out across the crowded cafeteria, at the teeming mass of humans talking and eating. I judged it safe to divide my attention, devoted the second layer of my mind—our mind—to the debate, keeping the rest focused.
<Only the stalks?> Alloran taunted. <You must be frightened indeed.>
It was a familiar dance between us. Alloran could not help thinking and weighing and measuring, no matter how deeply he buried himself in the hirac. But he could change the way he felt about things—play the part of the pessimist, focus on the naiveté of my opponents, downplay the risk and the danger. And that would, in turn, make me more confident, less cautious—that much more likely to make a mistake.
It was inevitable, unavoidable. Knowledge of the flaw did not equal immunity to the flaw—I had to resort to crude heuristics, layering in extra margins of error to account for the unknown size of the bias in my thinking. And when those contingencies proved excessive, Alloran was there to sneer, reminding me of the waste and the cost, mocking me for my lack of boldness, for my unseemly caution. And thus the cycle began anew.
<It is not bravery to lower one’s tail in the face of the enemy,> I quoted. <Wise elders grow fat on the grass of dead fools’ graves.>
I felt the twinge of Alloran’s dissatisfaction and magnified the feeling, drawing out the hormones in a subtle, delicious mélange. On the surface, one of the other children asked me a question, and I dug through my human brain for understanding, assembling an appropriate response. Of the eight sitting closest to me, three were Controlled, but it was yet too early to drop the charade.
<Besides,> I continued, mocking. <They are led by the great Elfangor, scourge of the thirteen waters, fire in the infinite dark—the Beast, the Vanarx, the blade that falls without warning. What caution could possibly be too great, when facing such a foe?>
Alloran’s dissatisfaction turned sour, and I laughed out loud, ignoring the confusion of the humans around me. We had traced that argument seven times over and seven times again, each of us defending first one side, then the other, as Alloran swung from earnest optimism to black despair and back to sly deception.
<He may yet live,> Alloran said stubbornly. <It is conceivable that the Elfangor you defeated was a double. The fight was disappointing.>
<Elfangor strayed far from the Path,> I said, <but never that far. Even you did not think to break the injunction until Seerow opened your eyes.>
<And yet he is a faster learner than I.>
<Was.> I watched as the human girl, Rachel, entered the cafeteria and collected her food. Around me, two of the Controllers pivoted noticeably, and I marked them down for chastisement as Alloran oozed contempt. Until we knew who the human morphers were—or at least how many—there was no room for loose discipline. <The incident on the road—the warning to the Chapman family—the speech at the pool—these are not the work of a competent strategist.>
<Unless the competent strategist must first convince you that he does not exist,> Alloran pointed out. <For all that the efforts were crude, the results were—interesting.>
I felt a surge of annoyance, mirrored as always by the glow of Alloran’s amusement. Interesting. First the unexpected suicide of Hedrick Chapman en route to his extraction, then the unfathomably incompetent bungling of the Withers cover-up as idiot underlings blindly followed containment protocols instead of having the presence of mind to take a little initiative or at least ask for confirmation before taking irrevocable action—
<Feeling a little pressure, are we, Yeerk? Two of your most strategically placed hosts rendered useless, and the debacle at the pool on top of that. One wonders what the Council of Thirteen will think. If, that is, you ever manage to reestablish contact—>
<As you say,> I interrupted, drawing an icy calm around my anger as I forced Alloran back beneath the surface. <Fortunately, I have a master strategist on my side, and a plan that will serve in either case.>
The Andalite warrior responded with a silent flash of disdain, smothered almost before it came into being, and I sent a reflexive wave of pleasure in response, eliciting an echo of frustrated rage.
Though he tried valiantly to hide it, there was no finer barometer for arrogance than Alloran, veteran as he was of a long career of outperforming overconfident fools. I had long since learned to use his scorn as a check on my own conceit, his skepticism serving as a trigger for strategic review. Forcing my eyes to drift casually across the room—
(One of the child Controllers was now sitting next to the human Rachel, the pair of them engaged in casual conversation.)
((I felt naked without my stalks, blind and clumsy and exposed, and made a mental resolution to spend more time in morph.))
—I turned the second highest layer of my attention to an appraisal of the situation.
The human Rachel was indeed morph-capable; I had received final confirmation earlier in the day, thanks to the Naharan mass-wave mappers I had quietly installed around the school. She had spent the morning sneaking through the building in various forms, searching—presumably—for signs of technology, evidence of infestation, strategic and tactical intel.
Her presence was both a hazard and an opportunity. We had accelerated our timetable in response to the breach at the pool; barring a direct order from me, the operation would begin during the final hour of the school day. If she could be taken before then—taken without warning, and in such a way as to prevent her confederates from noticing—it would not only mean the end of any meaningful resistance on Earth, but also the end of the Andalite monopoly on morphing power.
(Dividing my attention still further, I opened another pair of eyes and scanned the displays, confirming the continued absence of any other mass anomalies. Whatever confederates she had within the building, they had thus far refrained from morphing.)
((That she did have confederates was practically a foregone conclusion. She would not be present at all unless the resistance intended some form of assault or disruption, and the incident at the pool had proven that Elfangor had conscripted at least two. Given the amount of time he had spent on the surface, the original number could have been as high as forty-nine, and if he had indeed left the Iscafil device, the upper bound was now somewhere in the hundreds.))
In the best case, I could capture the device itself, though should my assumption that the resistance had it prove false—or should one of them initiate its self-destruct—I would settle for additional test subjects. But that would require taking her soon, and without arousing the suspicion of my own subordinates. Thus far, I had managed to keep the evidence of human morphers from spreading throughout the invasion force, but I could not maintain the secret forever, and not at all if the operation began and this Rachel or her confederates took overt action.
(It occurred to me that she might be alone if her mission was one of sabotage or espionage—she could be here to destroy the school entirely, or to observe and report before making her own escape. I made a note to compile a list of inexpensive means by which human children might create large explosions or poisonous reactions—thus far, there were no signs that the resistance had access to high technology of any kind, save the morphing power and the single Dracon beam they had managed to steal from the pool.)
She might also be here out of sheer force of habit. Operating on autopilot, maintaining cover, failing to question her normal patterns and assumptions.
I tightened my grip, forcing Alloran back below the surface, no longer amused by his subtle manipulations. I did not—as yet—have an adequate model of my human opponents, but it would be optimistic in the extreme to assume they were that incompetent. They knew that the school was one of my primary targets; surely they wouldn’t risk death and capture without some clear purpose in mind.
They may not all know. There could be more than one group, with mutually exclusive objectives or poor communication.
I lashed out again, this time more on principle than from actual irritation. It was an interesting possibility, and one I had not previously considered.
(Across the cafeteria, the child Controller was still engaged in conversation with the human Rachel. I considered ordering him away, but decided against it; the feeding period would be ending soon enough, and there was still some value in keeping my own presence hidden from the rest of the operation.)
I had been working under the assumption that the Beast had conscripted a single social group—a few careful questions had revealed that children of Rachel’s age often used that particular swath of territory as a shortcut, and the overlap between Melissa Chapman and Cassie Withers had proven to be the correct place to look. But the overall distribution needn’t be symmetrical around those two, and given the potential for recruitment over the intervening cycles, there could easily be multiple factions by now.
I shifted in my seat as I considered the possible ramifications, taking comfort in the weight of the various weapons and devices hidden beneath my artificial skin.
(What I wouldn’t give for stalks.)
Opening another set of eyes, I scanned the census map, noting with satisfaction that pairs of my personal agents had concealed themselves at each of the locations the human Rachel had previously used to morph and demorph. With my own hands, I began tapping out one of the preset dexterity sequences, and was pleased with the response—the fog and lag from the previous field test had been greatly reduced, but there had been some concern that the link would decay with time.
Somewhere inside my head, Alloran laughed.
I let out a breath. It made no difference—we were well-prepared for forty-nine coordinated morph-capable attackers, and we were just as prepared for forty-nine attackers in strategic disarray. The school was a near-perfect killing field, already isolated by outlying grass and tar and further protected by the reworked absorption field, bifurcated and inverted with additional projectors for holograms and for suppressing human electromagnetic communications. Outside, Controllers in positions of authority were on standby, ready to draw public attention toward any of three separate distractions in other parts of the city. Of the thousand or so humans within the perimeter, roughly a tenth were already Controlled, and every member of that tenth had been thoroughly briefed and was at least hypothetically prepared for any of seven contingencies ranging from a publicity breach to a full-scale Andalite attack. There were four Bug fighters in the air nearby, each with a full complement of human Controllers in local military uniforms, and my own modified fighter could be summoned remotely and would arrive within seconds. Even without my direct intervention, we had all of the elements necessary for a swift, easy victory.
And if I could not quite manage to secure the Iscafil device—if the human Rachel could only lead me to some of her confederates, and not all—if the coalescion learned of the presence of morph-capable humans, and that I had known, and had hidden the information—
Well. Those contingencies, too, had been accounted for. The key was not to choose a single path to victory, but to bend every path toward the goal. Some routes were simply longer than—
I froze, ice-cold shock and sudden, vindictive glee rising in equal measure beneath the surface of my thoughts.
No.
Abandoning pretense, I sprang to my feet and jumped up onto the table, peering openly across the crowded space.
Gone—the human Rachel and the child Controller both. Gone without warning, while my eyes were elsewhere—gone without the slightest trace.
Have fun, Yeerk.
Top priority—containment. I thumbed the control in my pocket, ignoring the human children tugging on my artificial skin, the adult Controllers striding toward me with artificial sternness in their eyes. “Aftran,” I declared, the words projecting themselves into the ears of every Controller in the school. “Awaken. This is your Visser.”
(A part of me noted the sudden reorganization of my priorities, the swiftness with which I had abandoned secrecy and subtlety, and began searching for the source of the intuition even as the rest of me moved forward with the sense that time was of the essence.)
The teachers stopped abruptly in their tracks, their eyes widening. A blue halo emerged around my forehead, visible to all from my place atop the table, identifying me to those who hadn’t seen my lips moving.
“Activate the absorption field and cut off all human communications now. Teams of four—assemble at the doors to the cafeteria and the doors at either end of the hallway outside. Teams of two in front of every door in that hallway and at each openable window in this room. Maintain physical contact with the doors and windows; keep them closed.”
(Holograms—it had to be holograms. Movable holograms, personal holograms.)
Around me, every adult and a significant number of children had leapt to their feet and were running to comply as the rest of the humans looked on in confusion.
Too slow.
If they could vanish from sight in an instant, then they could open and close a door unseen. I visualized the paths, the angles, the expanding cone of their possible positions—
No good. They would have made it out of the net easily, assuming they hadn’t simply hunkered down inside, disguised as a table or an empty patch of floor. And by now the human Rachel would have had time to morph, if indeed she hadn’t been morphed already, hiding behind a hologram the entire time—
(And what of the child Controller? A traitor? An impostor? An illusion all along?)
((Was the human Rachel even here?))
(((I wanted that technology.)))
“Cancel previous order,” I commanded, and the Controllers running toward the edges of the room slowed and stopped, those already there relaxing as they lowered their arms.
(I would have to trust the absorption field to keep Elfangor’s children contained—if they could penetrate that, we had a much more serious problem anyway.)
“Begin the operation—contingency three.”
Around me, the cafeteria erupted with the sound of stunners and Dracon beams, quickly joined by the screams of those who had escaped the first salvo. Contingency three allowed for reasonable violence in the service of maximum speed, relying on the communications blanket and the exterior holograms to protect us from exposure. By the time I stepped down from the table, all of the unarmed humans in the room were unconscious, slumped in their seats or sprawled across the floor.
“Hold!” I called out, as Controllers around the room drew stasis cylinders from their bags and pockets.
Holograms. Personal holograms. I had no idea what the limitations of such a technology might be, but I could at least try to address the possibility of infiltrators.
“Exchange a cylinder with the nearest Controller to you in each of two directions, then walk at least thirteen paces away from either of them.”
They complied, uncomprehending but obedient. I waited for a cry of confusion, for someone to shout that their cylinder had turned incorporeal and vanished.
Nothing.
“Again, with two other Controllers this time.”
Once more, nothing.
“Again.”
Nothing. I sighed. It didn’t even begin to scratch the surface—the holograms could have a range greater than thirteen paces, or the impostors might have been numerous enough to “exchange” only with one another, or they might have been disguised as fallen students, or as furniture, or they might all be long gone—
“There may be infiltrators,” I said, toggling the control in my pocket to include Controllers throughout the school. “Andalite bandits in morph, or human collaborators with some kind of personal holograms. Infest the unconscious humans, stun them for an additional twenty minutes, and then gather together. The highest ranking officer among you will offer four identifying passwords, then stun the rest of you, then its own host.”
I toggled the control once more, putting the four Bug fighters on high alert in case I needed physical reinforcements, and turned, striding toward the table where the human Rachel had been—allegedly—sitting. I withdrew my portable Naharan scanner and checked for unusual radiation, then opened the Arn crucible and set it on the table, counting slowly in my head.
No reaction.
Opening a distant pair of eyes, I scrolled back through the mass-wave recordings. The data were noisy and difficult to read—it was far simpler to track changes in the wave than to make sense of it as it existed at any given moment—but even so, the event was easy to spot. One moment, there were two masses where I was standing, and the next, there were none.
I felt a strange crawling sensation in my esophagus, a squirming heat that rose through my chest and caused my forehead to burn.
Teleportation?
I watched the recording again, slowing it down as much as possible. The transition was swift, comprising only four slices of data. The two masses vanished without changing in volume, their densities fading to zero in four even steps.
Was that how teleportation would work? I didn’t know.
Beneath the surface, Alloran had abandoned his usual hostility and was alive with curiosity, his sense wary and watchful.
I played the recording again.
(If they could teleport—)
I played the recording again.
(If they could teleport, then why wasn’t the war already over?)
I felt the tension in my human body ease slightly, felt a fractional relaxation in the part of me that was Alloran as I played the recording yet again.
If they could teleport, the war would already be over. They could simply move the contents of the Yeerk pool into a desert, or out into space, could drop toxins or explosives directly into the complex and have done.
If, on the other hand, it was part of a hologram—
Thus far, we had acquired three kinds of holograms. Those manufactured by the Skrit Na were adequate, but cheap—easy to produce and maintain, they were little more than thin sheets of shaped light.
Naharan holograms were far superior, though much more difficult to create and repair. Built atop force field technology, they could be made as solid as metal alloys, with a variety of textures and the ability to both block and produce sound. They required tremendous amounts of power, though, and the generators were bulky and fragile, useless except in permanent installations.
Andalite holograms couldn’t mimic solid structures, but they could update in real time, making them ideal for shipboard cloaking devices. Like the Naharan ones, their generators were too large for portable, personal use, but they were significantly more efficient. We didn’t have many; most of them had been salvaged from space wreckage and installed in stealth fighters and flagships.
If holograms could be made to cancel and mimic electromagnetic radiation, and could also fool tactile and auditory senses, it was at least plausible that they could be made to create gravitic illusions, as well—
(I could feel Alloran’s growing conviction, coupled with the usual bitter fury as I used his genius to check my intuitions. Andalite antigrav technology was young, but full of promise—in theory, such subtle manipulation was only forty-nine revolutions in the future. And it was a sane explanation, in its fundamental assumptions—if a given race of aliens had any sort of grav-sensitive organ, then its holograms would need to mask and alter mass waves, just as Andalite holograms masked and altered light waves.)
But then—
As always, Alloran tried to hide, and as always, I seized him by the tail, dragging his thoughts up to the conscious level where I could examine them.
But then why isn’t the war already over? That level of hologram isn’t as powerful as a teleporter, but it’s still sufficient to fool Andalite security technology, let alone anything the Yeerks have cobbled together…
Irrelevant, at least on the timescales that mattered for the current crisis. The war was not over, and the absorption field had gone up almost immediately.
They were still inside.
I rechecked the census map. There was no movement anywhere except for the cafeteria, where the blip that represented my own human body moved toward the door and out into the hall.
Where would they go? It was unlikely that they were here to destroy the school, or they wouldn’t have revealed themselves, giving away the element of surprise—
(For that matter, why had they revealed themselves? It was the same mistake they had made with the Chapmans, and intelligent opponents did not make the same mistakes twice—)
((I updated my estimate of the humans’ incompetence accordingly, ignoring Alloran’s quiet amusement.))
Possibility: they were heading for the perimeter, having somehow intuited the danger they were in. Assessment: glow.
Possibility: they were heading for the absorption field generator, either because they had known it was there all along or because they had extrapolated its location after attempting to escape and discovering the barrier. Assessment: gleam.
Possibility: they were heading for me—
Planting myself in the center of the hallway, I drew the Ongachic snare from one of the pockets in my artificial skin and activated it. With a soft hum, the device powered up, a slight ripple distorting my field of view as it polarized the air molecules around me. I adjusted the frequency until I stood within a sphere of invisible, outward-pointing spikes, then resumed my analysis.
I could direct the Bug fighters to flood the hallways with gas, or to blanket the campus with a wide-beam stun discharge, but there was every reason to suspect that their technology would brush off such an attack with ease. I could simply wait, and hope that they would reveal themselves—
Alloran sneered.
Fine. Would they be able to penetrate the absorption field? If they did, would we even be able to detect it?
As if the thought had been a magical spell, my communicator beeped. “Visser,” came the human voice, taut with stress. “We just detected a massive energy surge in the northeast corner of the property, at ground level. We think they were trying to push through. It didn’t last long, and the field integrity was not compromised.”
“Be on alert for similar surges,” I said. “The next time you detect one, the nearest ship is to fire on its exact location, and the other three are to fire in an arc just behind it, deeper within the field. Full power.”
(I wanted the technology intact, if I could get it, but a broken prototype was better than nothing at all.)
So. They had tried to escape—on foot, apparently. Where would they go next?
The generator.
I glanced at the empty hallway around me. There was no way to tell if any of them were present, lurking behind an illusion, waiting for the right moment to strike—
But that moment had long since come and gone. If they had intended to kill me, I would already be dead. Squaring my shoulders, I deactivated the Ongachic snare and tucked it back into my pocket.
Turning, I began to jog through the hallways, swerving around the slumped bodies of stunned humans.
How many of them were there? The human Rachel was the only one the Naharan mass-wave mappers had detected morphing, but if they could mask gravitic signals, then they could easily be present in force—
—fool—
—of course. If they were present in force, the operation would never have succeeded, and it had succeeded. Even a full publicity breach would not change the fact that the invasion had just effectively doubled in size.
No, the simplest explanation was that there were only two of them—the human Rachel, and the false Controller. Somehow, they must have realized they'd been discovered, opted for a fast and risky extraction.
“Bring the Bug fighters down to ground level,” I said, breathing heavily as my host body broke into a sweat. “Remain cloaked, and come as close as you can to the school. Overlap your deflectors to create an auxiliary barrier just outside of the absorption field.”
If I were up against an inverted absorption field, my first move would be to try undoing the inversion, returning it to the default out-but-not-in configuration—or better yet, I would try to program some kind of conditional, such that the reversal would happen just as I reached the boundary, providing my enemies with no warning.
Together, Alloran and I could accomplish such a task in a seventh of a seventh of a cycle. For a human, the process would take much, much longer.
For an unknown enemy capable of inventing near-magical hologram technology—
I grimaced, turning the corner to the central office and letting myself in. My options were growing increasingly narrow; even if I was correct about their target, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to find or hinder them—not when they could disappear into thin air. What I needed was the Leeran hypersight, but that would allow them to see me, too—
“Visser! The field has inverted!”
I froze, my hand a bladelength away from the handle of the only door leading in to where the generator stood. They had reprogrammed the system in seconds—were they still inside? Had they already slipped past me?
—useless delay—
Pulling a gas canister out of my pocket, I removed the pin, counted to three, and then yanked open the door, tossing the already-hissing cylinder inside. I slammed the door shut again immediately, locking it, and turned to run back down the hallway toward the exit. The field was almost equidistant in every direction—if I were the enemy, which way would I choose—
(Opening another set of eyes, I dropped the shielding on the inner chamber of my modified fighter and set it on a parabolic course that would bring it within range for the briefest of moments—)
Bursting out into the sunlight, I turned toward the southwest corner of the school, opposite the point where they had first attempted to pass through the field, my human body quivering with exertion. It was a wild guess, vastly more likely to be wrong than right, but in a few seconds, they would be off the property, and it wouldn’t take them long to bypass the Bug fighters—the slimmest of chances was still better than nothing—
Silent, unseen, my fighter passed by overhead, and suddenly the universe unfolded.
It was reality itself, the veil of perspective torn and tossed aside, every line of consequence and interaction laid bare in a flood of naked perception. I could see everything—everything, an infinite collection of infinities, all there was to see within the tiny space that was my immediate vicinity. I was aware of the minds of the humans around me, and of the Yeerks who held them in intimate embrace; could see the shape of their thoughts against the background of time and space itself. I heard the symphony of a trillion trillion trillion quarks, the crystalline hum as possibility shivered itself into parallel truths, as the present died and became the past, and the future was born into the present.
And in the foreground, I caught a shattered glimpse—
—a thousand images—
—a girl, a robot—
—a human body, motionless by a fire—
—a planet burning as a black god laughed—
—resolve as cold and hard as a spacecraft hull—
—confusion giving way to utter dismay—
—and then the infinite instant ended, the Leeran body moving back out of range, and I knew that they were right there, almost within reach, Rachel Berenson suddenly visible as the hologram stretched across the absorption field, sparked, and died—Rachel, wearing the body of my nemesis Elfangor, and six-three-four-eight-one, anonym Erek King, who had never been a Controller, who was over twenty-six thousand revolutions old and who was even now pressing up against the absorption field from the outside, compelled by ancient directives deep within his programming to try, even though he knew it was too late to do anything, knew that he had been played, manipulated, tricked—
Before I could move, before I could breathe, before I could even think, the tail blade of Rachel’s Andalite body lashed out, and both of my arms fell to the grass, my human jaw dropping open in shock. A third swipe cleaved into my thigh at an awkward angle, and I tumbled to the grass, blood already surging to soak the grass around me.
<I’d take a little longer to enjoy this, Yeerk,> snarled Rachel—daughter of Dan and Naomi, cousin of Jake, friend of Melissa, who had burned herself thirty-seven times in the past three days, who had never forgiven herself for forgetting to feed her pet gerbil when she was seven. <But.>
My lips moved soundlessly as she raised her tail blade once again, the thought unfinished. Her eyes narrowed, her body tensed, her tail whipped forward—
* * *
I dragged my main eyes open, the motion like lifting a corpse as the neurons fired past a Z-space link that no longer led anywhere. Around me, the walls of my private chamber blurred into existence, slowly sharpening as the fog began to lift.
That had hurt.
<Report,> I commanded in thought speak, my nerves too sluggish and unresponsive for my usual hand signs.
“We fired on the human,” said the image of the wing commander, “but it must have been wearing some kind of personal shield—the shots had no effect, even at full power. It—ah—it disappeared after the first salvo, but not—it wasn’t vaporized, sir. It—it just vanished.”
<And the girl?>
“Sir?”
<The Andalite.>
“It disappeared back into the school, out of sight. We presume it must have morphed into some small animal and escaped.”
<You presume—>
“We’ve been firing on as many birds, insects, and small mammals as possible, sir, but our hit rate is only sixty-eight percent, and we aren’t equipped to detect anything moving under the ground. There’s an animal called a mole—”
<Pull the fighters back,> I interrupted. <Resume written operational procedure as soon as enough of the hosts are awake. I want the first wave ready to board as soon as their parents have been converted.>
“Yes, Visser.”
I attempted to open one of my other sets of eyes, and found that I could not. The link was gone, broken beyond repair. <Dispatch the retrieval team to fetch the head,> I said. <Bring it to the laboratory.>
“It’s already on its way, Visser.”
I rose from my couch, my motions unsteady but rapidly improving. I would need to send a different team to recover the other five bodies, all of which had almost surely died when the link abruptly failed. The Arn would want to examine them all—brains and conduits alike—in preparation for the next round of cloning. Two or three more iterations, and we would be ready for the third phase.
So. You have a new enemy.
Opening the refrigerated compartment, I withdrew one of the small, disclike packages and removed the foil wrapping. Breaking it into quarters, I set each piece at a different corner of the large rectangle painted on the floor. Stepping on top of them, I felt an anticipatory thrill as my hooves began to pulverize and absorb the stringy substance.
<Yes,> I said thoughtfully, relinquishing my hold on Alloran so that he could speak freely once again.
<And yet you intend to continue exactly as before.>
I closed my eyes, feeling the Yeerk-flesh slide up my legs and into my stomach. <Not exactly,> I said, and I lowered the barrier still further, allowing Alloran a glimpse into my own thoughts.
1417 Bayview Drive.
88E South Church Street.
209 Aspen Avenue.
3555 Franklin Court.
The playground at Magnuson park.
<They will know that you are coming,> Alloran said, and I laughed at the flicker of hope in his thoughts—so pale, so weak, so easily extinguished.
<For all the good it will do them,> I said. <If they run, we shall simply spread unchallenged. And if they stay—>
My meal complete, I turned toward the sanitation unit, forcing the Andalite warrior prince to look upon his own body—upon my body.
<Well. At least it will be interesting.>
Chapter 15: Interlude 2
Notes:
The story resumes on March 1st. I will update every two weeks (or every ten days if I can swing it), and will complete a full cycle before going on hiatus again.
Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Interlude
On a cold, heavy world, an alien runs—runs at the snail’s pace that is the fastest anything can move through an atmosphere as thick as quicksand. It is pursued by seven creatures with cracked, black skin like cooled lava—they howl, and the alien stumbles. It trips over a root, a living tendril that has been growing for a thousand years, that was made to grow for exactly this purpose—trips, and falls, and dies soon after, pierced through by needlelike claws.
This is allowed, by the rules of the game.
The seven creatures drink in the memory of the hunt, and their thousand thousand brethren chitter in satisfaction. They have learned a new way to kill, and it is wrong, subtly wrong—their enemy has fallen more easily than it should have, and their confidence is unfounded, tainted by hubris.
This is allowed, by the rules of the game.
The creatures depart from the surface, returning to their ship, and their ship darts away from the massive star, slipping into the white non-space that lies between and behind the usual empty blackness. It travels for a distanceless time, emerging into reality just as a pulse of radiation sweeps through the void, the violent echo of an explosion half a hundred parsecs hence. Their shields are adequate, and they barely notice, but a cascading chain of tiny reactions causes a wire to shift and a valve to close, sparks the formation of a scattering of new isotopes in the mixture of their fuel. Their ship is fractionally faster, though they do not know it; they will arrive at their destination sooner than expected, and at their next destination sooner still, the changes compounding until the day when they land on this continent instead of that one, because that one is on the far side of the planet, and the creatures are not patient.
This, too, is allowed by the rules of the game. There are a trillion trillion pieces, and all of them significant, their interactions governed by a shifting web of causality as delicate as a neutrino and as old as time itself. The web may be touched—nudged—shifted—once in an epoch, or possibly twice, a single strand may be snapped. Any more than that, and the game is forfeit. The players dance in slow infinity, calculating the fractal geometry of self-fulfilling prophecies, anticipating the impact of anticipated acts, and acting in reaction to events far in the unfixed future. Thus do cause, effect, and chaos mix, until even all-seeing eyes begin to miss things. There is always error, after all, and it is a chief characteristic of error that it is random—it being reliably willing to cancel itself out, it may safely be ignored. One can only go so many places beyond the decimal point before one is wasting resources more wisely spent elsewhere—a waste one’s opponent will spot, and convert into advantage in accordance with the rules.
And so—things happen. They are outside of the realm of prophecy, beyond the reach of fate. They are not allowed by the rules of the game, and neither are they forbidden.
An alien speaks a word as it dies. The word is heard only by its enemies—they do not speak the language, and they pay it no mind.
A lump of rock falls into a star. The star explodes, as it would have anyway—the fire peaks a tenth of a degree hotter on a scale measured in the hundreds of billions.
On Earth, a girl is born. Her name is Rachel, and she is not supposed to be there.
Chapter 16: Jake
Notes:
Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
As always, please note that I am eager for feedback of all kinds! There's excellent discussion over at r/rational, and I'll read every comment posted here. Your responses are the fuel that makes this fun.
Chapter Text
Chapter 14: Jake
I was asleep.
I knew that I was asleep, because I was beginning to wake up. Before that, I hadn’t been asleep at all. I had been—
Gone.
Slowly—slowly—the fog and darkness receded, giving way to shattered chaos. It was as if I were seeing through things, into things—like I could see the front and back and top and bottom and inside of every thing, all at once. There was light, and pain, and confusion, as if a hundred dreams were each competing for my attention.
And then—
I felt a twist—
A spasm—
The vision changed. The thousand fragments shifted, turned, flashes of the deepest black showing in the spaces between. One by one, the colors dissolved, leaving only emptiness.
And then I saw it.
A creature. Or a machine. Some combination of both. It had no arms. It sat still, as if unable to move, on a throne that was miles high. Its head was a single eye, monstrously large, shot through with bloody veins.
It turned, slowly—left, then right.
Watching.
Watching.
I trembled. No body, no mind, no sense of time or space, and still I trembled, praying that it wouldn’t notice me, wouldn’t look my way.
But that’s not how nightmares work.
It saw me.
It saw me.
It saw me, and—somehow—it laughed.
* * *
“Wait—did that work?”
“Jake! Can you hear us?”
“Garrett—go get Marco! Run!”
I opened my eyes easily, like I’d gotten exactly the right amount of sleep. I was lying flat on my back on warm ground, pine needles poking through my shirt. Around me were familiar faces—Rachel, Tobias, a boy I recognized from school named Ethan or Eric or something—all looking down at me with concerned expressions. I heard a rustling above my head and craned my neck, squinting as Cassie moved in front of the sun, casting me into shadow. She was smiling, her jaw trembling, her eyes bright with tears.
“Hi, Jake,” she said softly.
“Hi,” I answered back, and a look of relief washed across her face, spreading to Rachel and Tobias in turn. “Why—um. Why am I on the ground?”
“You were—asleep,” Rachel said, her tone a sort of hospital calm.
“A coma, actually,” said the boy from school. “For eight days.”
I felt my eyes go wide with shock. “I see,” I said slowly, my thoughts churning into overdrive. “Is—um—is this one of those times where I shouldn’t try to sit up?”
“No, you should be fine,” said the boy. Eric, I was pretty sure. “We’ve been keeping your muscles stimulated. You may have some pins and needles, but otherwise—”
“Jake!”
I heard a staccato crashing, the sound of feet tearing through leaves, and propped myself up just in time to see Marco come barreling out of the woods a few dozen yards away.
For a moment, I thought he was going to run right into me, but he skidded to a stop just outside the circle, as if held back by a force field. His face was scratched and dirty, a dingy rag wrapped around his right hand. He looked down at me, then around at the others, his jaw tight. His eyes lingered on Tobias for an extra heartbeat, and Tobias shrugged microscopically.
What’s going—
Shut up. Wait.
“Jake,” Marco said suddenly. “Your name is Jake?”
My jaw dropped open for a moment before my brain caught up. Coma. Makes sense to check. “Jake Berenson,” I answered, trying to sound nonchalant. “I live at 88E South Church Street. I’m in ninth grade. And you’re Marco. And—um—Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T?”
That should have produced a smile, but Marco’s jaw remained tight. “Where’s the Yeerk pool?” he asked.
I blinked. “What?”
The tightness became a twist as Marco’s lip curled, a shadow of something dark falling across his expression. “What’s an Andalite, Jake?”
I opened my mouth, and the words caught in my throat.
You know how sometimes you’ll have something rough going on—problems at school, or a family member who’s sick, or some big mistake you just made that’s got all your friends mad at you—and for a few minutes after you wake up, it’s like everything’s fine?
“Alien,” I said, my voice suddenly hoarse. “Blue fur, looks like a centaur scorpion. Elfangor. He gave us the morphing power, told us about th—”
I broke off as Marco dropped to his knees and pulled me up and into a hug, squeezing me so tightly I thought my ribs might crack. He was crying, silently, his tears hot as they dropped onto the back of my neck. I hugged him back reflexively, bewildered, looking back and forth between the faces of the other kids standing around me.
“It’s been a long week,” Tobias murmured, as Marco’s body continued to shake. “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
* * *
“So you don’t remember any of it?”
I shook my head. “Nothing at all after Tobias left.”
“That settles it,” Marco said flatly. “There’s no other explanation.”
I looked around the circle, at the six of them sitting in the middle of the forest clearing. My best friend, my cousin, my crush. Tobias, and his orphan buddy Garrett. Erek—the ancient, six-limbed, pacifist android who’d woken me up—had already left, saying something about nonviolence and councils of war.
And then there was Ax. Elfangor’s younger brother—a cadet in the Andalite military, practically the same age as us—whom Tobias and Garrett had rescued from the bottom of the Pacific ocean. He was in human morph—a strange combination of the two boys and a man he’d acquired elsewhere—and had said almost nothing in the hour we’d been talking.
They were dirty, sweaty, and tired, all of them—their voices hollow, their expressions bleak. They’d filled me in on the past few days with curt, emotionless summaries—the disaster at the pool, the takeover of the high school, the frantic scramble to escape after the Visser’s unexplained psychic probe blew everyone’s cover. All of our families had been taken, all of our obvious avenues of escape cut off—if it hadn’t been for the Chee’s holograms and the fact that neither Rachel nor Erek had known about Cassie’s secret valley, they would never have made it.
And it hadn’t helped that they’d had to carry my useless body every step of the way. I wasn’t certain, but it felt like none of them would look me in the eye.
“It is—unsettling,” said Ax, a very human agitation visible on his face. “Ing. Ling. This will cause problems among my people. It is—taboo. Is this the right word? Taboo?”
I had no memory of anything since the previous Monday, ten days earlier—a full day before we’d discovered self-morphing. Cassie’s theory was that the gap was due to the difference between short- and long-term memory—that I couldn’t remember anything that hadn’t already been permanently encoded into my neural structure when I acquired my own genetic template.
“How could they not already know?” Marco demanded, his tone one of barely restrained hostility. “It’s—obvious.”
I had gone into the Yeerk pool with Marco. I had stayed too long in morph, and the pocket dimension that had held my body in stasis had collapsed, taking me along with it. I had died, disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a construct.
Me.
“It is unthinkable,” Ax countered. “Un. Think. Kah. Like the place at the base of one’s stalks—place base—very easy to not-see. And the norphing techolo—technology is new. Recent. It is used only by the nilitary, and even then only lee lee lee by sip spesh suh-pesh-al operatives. The new class of cadets, ink ink including myself, have been given the ability but are forbidden to use it excet excep except during closely supervised training—ing—or in high emergencies.”
I wasn’t real. I was a duplicate, a copy, a throwaway clone. I existed because the real Jake Berenson, in his panic, had wished for a body that wasn’t broken and dying, wasn’t half-eaten by alien monsters, and had frantically, desperately, blindly morphed into a backup version of himself, wishing only to be whole again. I was the product of stupidity, cowardice, and sheer, dumb luck.
It was all a little much to take in. It felt like I’d gone to sleep on Monday night, and woken up in the middle of a nightmare.
“Any other helpful shit you people just never bothered to think of?” Marco snapped. “’Cause as far as I can tell, it’s you assholes not thinking that got the rest of us into this mess in the first place.”
“Easy, Marco,” Rachel warned, her voice low and heavy. “Same side.”
Marco rolled his eyes, his lip twisting into a sneer, but he said nothing further. Across the circle, Ax shifted uncomfortably.
It turned out that Elfangor’s brief history lesson had left out a few important points—points which Cassie had filled the rest of us in on, and Ax had reluctantly confirmed. Like the fact that it had been Seerow, the brilliant Andalite scientist, who first gave the Yeerks access to high technology, making it possible for them to kidnap Alloran and launch their war. Or the fact that it had been that same Seerow who had developed the morphing technology, a slow and painstaking process that had taken him decades of work.
Or the fact that that work had hit a dead-end and been stalled for years, until the discovery—and subsequent study—of the Yeerk species.
Tobias had been the first one to put the pieces together, and Erek had confirmed it, using some kind of X-ray vision to scan the inside of my skull while I was still comatose. There was extra tissue there—a lot of it. Interspersed with my neurons, interfering with the normal functioning of my cerebrum even as it slowly decayed and died. Tissue that responded to signals at very particular Z-space frequencies, until Erek burned it away.
Yeerk tissue.
It made sense, really. You could stash a body in hyperspace, and you could build a new one in its place, but you needed something to link the two—to allow one to control the other. And lo and behold, there was one species that did exactly that—that had evolved over millennia to be able to integrate with and control any bioelectric neural tissue, regardless of size, species, or complexity. Yeerk biology was the key, the last link in the chain, the source of Seerow’s final breakthrough. With artificial Yeerk tissue integrated into every morph, control was as easy as thought itself.
“So the Andalite people literally don’t know,” Tobias mused. “Gonna be one hell of a PR shitstorm once it gets out.”
Rachel shrugged. “Fighting fire with fire,” she said. “Doesn’t sound so bad to me.”
“No,” Ax broke in, his fingers anxiously clenching and unclenching, sweat beading on his brow. “It is far more sigit sigif sig-nif-i-cant than that. It is our highest rule, our most sacred tradition. For every—you do not have an adequate word—mind, pattern, spirit, crystal—for every thing-that-knows-itself, there is exactly one—one place, one role, one equal opportunity to sway the course of history. Ree. To make two is to—to—”
He fell silent, his eyes darting around the circle. “We—Andalites—we share the eib,” he said. “It is a common resource, a space for all. If one voice becomes twice as loud—do you see? It cannot stand. It is the end of—of balance.”
“This from the guy who’s carrying around a carbon copy of his brother in his brain,” Marco grumbled.
“No,” Ax repeated. “A picture is a rep repreez rep-re-sen-ta-tion. Like your stick-speak mouth sounds. A word is not a thing. The dain is a tribute, an honoring. It is precious—private. It does not and could not ever replace the true being. Beeng. Bing.”
Replace. Like the way I had somehow replaced myself, with myself. I looked down at my hands—which were exactly the same as they’d always been, down to the scar from the time I’d slammed my fingers in the car door when I was eleven—and shivered.
I felt like me. That either made it better, or much, much worse.
“Do we care?” Tobias wondered aloud. “I mean—not to shit on your religion, Ax, but we are in the middle of a war, here.”
“You are not list—”
“The interference!” Garrett blurted out, cutting the alien off mid-sentence.
We all turned to look at him, and he visibly blanched, dropping his eyes to the dirt and pulling up the neck of his shirt to cover his mouth. Tobias leaned over and murmured something, and he seemed to brace himself, taking in a deep breath before continuing half-masked.
“Tobias and I thought there was a problem with morphing the same animal at the same time,” he said. “But we both morphed the whale and the squid with no problem. It was only the hawk.”
“What about it?” Cassie asked.
“I acquired the hawk from Tobias.”
There was a long silence as we all digested this. “Holy shit,” Marco breathed.
“Wait,” Rachel said. “What—”
“Recursion,” Marco explained. “Whatever scanning is going on when we acquire something, it’s exact, down to the cellular level. Maybe even molecular. It has to be, otherwise Jake and Elfangor wouldn’t have complete personalities, with memories and everything. Which means that if there’s Yeerk tissue inside every morph—”
“—then when you acquire from a morph, the scan’s going to pick that up, too,” Rachel finished, her eyes going wide as she caught on.
“And that tissue is—what, attuned?—to whatever signal is coming from Tobias’s brain, off in hyperspace,” Marco continued. “So when Tobias and Garrett are both morphed into the same hawk, and Tobias goes to flap his wings—”
“It’s not like that,” Tobias cut in. “It’s more like—like static. I wasn’t in control of Garrett’s body; it just screwed up the signal and made him all twitchy and spastic.”
“Controls on top of controls,” Marco said. “But all operating on the same principles, so they interfere with one another.”
“Does this mean if we acquire a Controller, we get the Yeerk inside?” Rachel asked.
“No,” Ax answered impatiently, still fidgeting. “Unlikely. Like lee. The Iscafil process—is-kuh-fill—distinishes between native and foreign tissue. Shoe. It would ignore a true Yeerk. The tissue inside a construct, though, is built from the organism’s own zown pattern—it needs to be genetic etic etically compatible, to prevent the body’s immune system from attacking it tack tack tack tack tack. It would naturally blend in more thoroughly, making it harder for the morphing technology to dis-sting-guish-shit.”
“Still, though,” Rachel said. “It means that we can mine memories from any person we acquire. Skills. Intel. We can copy people’s personalities exactly—”
“No, we can’t,” Cassie said hotly. “Aren’t you listening? Just look at Jake! It’s not some kind of fake program under there, it’s a real person. When we morph into Elfangor, he’s really under there—trapped—screaming—enslaved.”
There was another long, uncomfortable silence, during which it seemed that Ax was too distressed to form actual words.
“I don’t think so,” I said, speaking up for the first time in minutes. They didn’t flinch. You’re imagining things. “Not quite. I mean—I don’t have any memories of the tunnel, of the—”
The real Jake.
“—of the mission. I’d still have those, right? Like, if I’d been conscious, underneath. I’d remember it.”
“Elfangor was plenty conscious,” Cassie countered, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ax wince as though he’d been punched. “He almost killed himself—me—when I first let him loose. He thought he’d been captured—thought I was a Yeerk.” She shot a baleful glare at Rachel. “I didn’t realize he was right.”
“Yeah, but you—I dunno—woke him up?” Tobias cut in, drawing Cassie’s attention away as Rachel squared her shoulders, her face flushing red. “I mean, maybe whatever’s muting the person underneath isn’t just keeping them quiet. Maybe it’s keeping them off.”
“Oh, great,” Cassie said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Much better. We’re not enslaving sapient beings, we’re just keeping them drugged and sedated while we dig through their memories and steal their identities.” She looked around the circle. “Am I seriously the only one here who’s bothered by this?”
“No,” Ax said immediately, his own voice cold and hard with resolve. He stood up. “It is forbidden. The entire technology is not of the Path. It will be unmade, when the knowledge reaches my people. I do not wish to interfere with your battle, but I must ask that you no longer use my brother’s body. Zmy. Zbody. I must ask it, and you must agree and obey.”
“Obey?” Rachel hissed, even as Cassie nodded in satisfaction. “Who do you think—”
She broke off midsentence as Ax raised his hand, revealing a small, dark device that was unmistakably a weapon.
Instantly, the mood changed, a sort of bristling tension sweeping around the circle. Marco went very still, and Tobias shifted half a step, putting himself ever so slightly in front of Garrett. Rachel’s jaw clicked shut, and Cassie’s gaped open.
“Jake,” whispered Marco, so quietly that I almost couldn’t hear it over the sudden roar of blood in my ears.
Time slowed. I felt the part of my brain that knew how to deal with this sort of thing rev up—felt it lose traction—watched, helpless, as it skidded uselessly into confusion. Another part of me began to shout, demanding that I do something, anything.
Come on Jake this is your job you’re supposed to save them you’re supposed to be good at this fearless leader—
“Ax,” Tobias began, his voice soft and calm. “What—”
“No, Tobias,” the alien said, raising the weapon an inch. It remained trained on Rachel, whose lips were white and bloodless, her nostrils flaring with each breath.
—what’s the matter Jake don’t you know what to do Jake are you choking Jake did you freeze are you scared where’d you go Jake just a clone Jake you’re dead and you’re a fake Jake—
“You do not know the eib,” Ax said, every syllable careful and crisp. “You do not hear, and you can not understand. It is—I do not know this word, rape, but it is the word the translator is telling me to say, that you rape the memory of my brother and you must not continue.”
—fake Jake fake—
“Jake,” Marco whispered again, quiet and desperate, and just like that, the skidding stopped and my brain suddenly found purchase, opening up Marco’s single word and unpacking the complete entreaty within. Jake, man, I don’t know what’s going on inside your head, but if you’ve got any of that Professor X magic up your sleeve, now’s the time to pull it out.
In front of me, Ax shifted his stance, the weapon slowly tracing its way around the circle as he pointed it at each of us in turn. Inside my head, the black box was on maximum overdrive, assembling data faster than my conscious mind could follow.
Taboo cadet forbidden sacred tradition balance eib path obey—
“I do not wish to—”
“Cadet,” I called out, the rest of the circle flinching as the alien’s finger twitched. “You will point that weapon at me.”
—little and less of war, seven billion human Controllers—
—purchase a small victory with my death—
I rose to my feet, acting on intuition, feeling the slightest, the very smallest possible amount of relief as the weapon turned away from Rachel, swinging around to track me.
—spent several years in human form—
—much knowledge, and yet little wisdom—
“I know little of Andalite custom,” I said, allowing my voice to drop into the more formal register that Elfangor had seemed to favor. “But somehow I suspect that junior warriors waving weapons at war councils is not a part of your ‘path.’ Am I wrong?”
The alien’s eyes narrowed, and he cocked his head a fraction of a degree, saying nothing.
—this body will be one of your primary weapons—
—use it to hide your identity from the Yeerks—
“No answer?” I blustered. “Then perhaps you’ll—”
—hand over that weapon—
—no, too soon, he’ll double down—
“—answer another question instead: is it customary for young Andalites to override the dying wishes of their elder brothers? Is it yours to say what should be done with Elfangor’s—”
—pattern—
“—pattern?” I took a step forward, entering the circle. Ax’s knuckles whitened on the grip of his weapon, but again he said nothing. “For it is his will that we use his body, as a weapon against the Yeerks. Those were his—”
—last words—
—no, wait, orders—
“—final orders, to us, when he—”
—recruited—
—deputized—
“—mobilized us as the primary arm of resistance on Earth.” Authority. Legitimacy. I’m your superior officer, and you have Made A Mistake, Cadet.
“He did not know that—”
“He would not care,” I snapped, cutting across the alien’s slow, deliberate speech. “He was ready to sacrifice seven billion minds to stem the Yeerk tide. Do you think he would hold himself to any less a standard?”
I took another step, pressing my advantage. It was bullshit—pure, frantic, Shakespearean bullshit, but it was working, or at least not-not-working. I wasn’t sure how far I could trust my read of Ax’s human body language, but he seemed to be radiating uncertainty, indecision. I could see it in his jaw, his eyebrows, the set of his shoulders—a dozen tiny signs that told the black box inside my brain to keep going.
“You do not understand,” Ax said, his tone softer but still with steel at its core. “Your minds are not—”
“By all means, dismiss us,” I interrupted, changing directions as I tried to keep him off-balance. “I’m sure that our inferiority will be a great comfort to your people as they face down seven billion human Controllers.”
I took yet another step, pausing just outside of arm’s reach, the alien gun mere inches away from where my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I was out of my depth, free-falling, making it up as I went along and hoping the house of cards would hold together.
“You doom him to the very fate we fight to prevent—”
“And would he not go to that fate willingly, if it meant victory for the rest of your people?” I demanded. “Would you not go to that fate willingly, cadet? Do you think you can win a war without sacrifices?”
—sacrifices—
The word echoed in my head, setting off a subtle ping in the back of my mind, a reminder that Ax was not the only skeptic I needed to satisfy. Hoisting an expression of disdain onto my face, I turned away from him, ignoring the gun at my back as I locked eyes with Cassie—Cassie, whose parents had been murdered by the Yeerks, who the real Jake Berenson had decided to keep in the dark while he focused on infiltrating the pool, whose face was a trembling mixture of fear, fury, and confusion.
Don’t say anything yet Cassie please just trust me wait please wait one thing at a time—
“We would not do this lightly,” I said, trying to convey a wordless plea even as I kept my tone level and firm. “Were it not the whole wo—the whole galaxy at stake. But we’re already on the path to defeat. We can’t afford to lay aside any weapon.”
—come on Cassie please I know this isn’t right just play along don’t say anything about Nazis or waterboarding or slippery slopes—
She bit her lip, glaring, her eyes cold and full of threat. But she nodded.
‹This is not over, Jake.›
I covered my surprise—barely—remembering just in time that self-morphing was a thing—fake Jake fake Jake—that of course the others would have started shifting into their armor the second Ax pulled out a gun. Marco and Rachel had probably already been wearing theirs, secret valley or no secret valley.
Sending a silent thanks to Cassie, I turned back toward the Andalite, saw the arm holding the weapon tremble slightly—where was he hiding that thing, anyway?—saw him swallow visibly.
“Which weighs heavier, cadet?” I asked, my instincts still pushing me toward stiff, formal sentences. “Tradition, or your brother’s will? Already he broke with your people when he gave us the morphing power, armed us with the knowledge of the Yeerk invasion. Elfangor’s Trust, he said—he feared your people might someday call it the third great mistake of the war. But he did it anyway. How much do you trust his wisdom? What is he saying to you right now, in your own head—in the dain?”
“It is not for the dain to make decisions on behalf of true minds,” Ax growled, his frown deepening.
“Then ask the real Elfangor,” suggested Garrett.
There followed a long, long silence. I stayed with it, keeping my eyes locked on the Andalite’s, watching the play of emotions on his human face. He looked at me—at Cassie—at Rachel—all the while keeping the weapon pointed squarely at my chest. He looked at Tobias, and down at the ground, and up at the sky.
Think about it, I urged him silently, wishing I still had access to thought-speak. He’s still in there, somehow, preserved by the morphing tech. He’s still real, still alive.
You have a chance to say goodbye.
“Like the wind in thought and deed,” Ax murmured cryptically, his attention still turned inward.
I remained silent. Behind me, I heard Marco shift, and I lifted a finger, hoping that he would understand, and wait—hoping that waiting was, in fact, the right move.
—fake Jake fake Jake fake Jake—
Shut up. Focus.
It occurred to me, as the moment stretched onward, that we didn’t just have the power to bring Elfangor back for an hour—we had the power to bring him back forever. That one of us could stay in morph, and trade—could make a deal with Death—
Ax looked at me.
Trusting my instincts, I stretched out a hand, palm up. “The weapon, cadet,” I said. Calmly. Quietly. As if obedience were a foregone conclusion.
He handed it over.
“Your oath,” I added. “That there will be no more threats of this kind, for any reason.” I glanced around the circle, my gaze lingering on Tobias, on Cassie, on Rachel. “We are too few to fight amongst ourselves. We don’t have to be allies, but we can not afford to be enemies.”
The Andalite nodded.
“We will discuss this,” he said, as the tension slowly began draining out of the circle. “My brother and I, together.” He began to demorph, fur sprouting across his olive skin. “In the eib, in private.”
I nodded as gravely as I could, looked around the circle again. “Cassie?” I asked, cautious. As of yet, no one else had tried deactivating the built-in morph controls. “Are you willing to—um—facilitate?”
She turned to look at Ax, then back to me, her eyes glittering. “I could just lie, you know,” she said loudly. “Dig through his mind and say whatever I feel like. You’d never know. Ax would never know. That’s the kind of power we’re talking about here. When I was—when we were—talking—it was—I was in total control. I had access to anything I wanted. His thoughts. His memories. His emotions. He couldn’t even think unless I wanted him to. Absolute power. It is absolutely guaranteed to be corrupting.”
Fate of the galaxy, I wanted to say.
But I didn’t have to. Cassie already knew. And because she knew, she’d play along. I was sure of it, my black box quietly confident. She would make the argument, say her piece, and then concede, because we were losing, and we did need every advantage we could get, and whatever else she might be, she wasn’t blind or stupid.
Which made it all the more terrifying that she was almost definitely right.
* * *
When it was all over, Ax stalked out into the forest without saying a word. We heard the dull thunk of bone against wood, the crash of trees falling, the unsettling silence where a human would be shouting, screaming, sobbing.
Cassie—Elfangor—turned to me, all four eyes focused and motionless in a way that I somehow knew was intended as a sign of respect and attention. ‹He does not trust you, Jake Berenson. Not yet.›
I nodded. “I know,” I replied. “Can we trust him?”
‹He will not betray you to the Yeerks, nor break his promise and threaten you directly. But beyond that, I cannot say. You have not done either of us any favors today. This discovery—I feel that I should have known it, that I had all of the pieces, and so the pain of it is bearable. But Aximili is young. He is—›
The alien paused as a particularly loud crash echoed out of the forest, a dozen birds screeching skyward as the ground shook underfoot. ‹He is alone,› Elfangor continued. ‹Solitude is—not normal, for an Andalite. The eib—it is a soothing presence. An embrace, of sorts. It bolsters us, guides us, reassures us—it is a stabilizing force, surrounding us from the moment of our birth until the rite of starlight, when we enter adulthood. Aximili—›
He broke off again, dropping to all sixes, his tail drooping as his main eyes turned toward the ground and only his stalk eyes remained fixed on mine. ‹He should not have snuck aboard my ship,› the alien said, a note of despair in his thought-speak. ‹He should not be alone, at this stage of maturity. He is too young, and I do not know what pressures his isolation will create. It is—do you know of the human scientist Harlow? The experiments with rhesus monkeys, some decades ago?›
I shook my head. “Cassie, if any of us—”
‹Yes. Cassie knows. There is danger here.›
Pushing off with his hands, the alien straightened again, lifting his torso and looking at each of us in turn. ‹I would ask that you care for him,› he said. ‹Tobias, I think, in particular, and Garrett as well—he has begun to know and respect you, as he does not yet know and respect the others. But it may be hopeless, and in any event you have more pressing matters to attend to.›
Another crash, another flight of birds. Wordlessly, Tobias stood, pulling Garrett to his feet. Together, the pair of them disappeared into the woods.
‹There is much assistance I could offer you,› Elfangor continued. ‹Intelligence. History. Tactics. Certain technologies you may be able to assemble using human components. And yet—›
He hesitated, glancing once more at Rachel and Marco before focusing on me. ‹I cannot prosecute this war for you,› he said bluntly. ‹There are forces at work which I cannot oppose and cannot explain—forces which prevented me from remaining with you in the first place, and which may forbid or punish my continued presence or influence. I think that you must consider me a resource in only the direst need, and call upon me only as a last resort.›
“No,” Marco cut in. “No, no, no. This is the second time you’ve pulled this ‘mysterious deeper game’ crap on us, Mr. Fangor. Last time, you didn’t have a chance to explain, but this time—”
He broke off, looking at his old, plastic Mickey Mouse watch. They’d all thrown out their phones days ago, on the far side of town, to keep the Yeerks off their trail.
“—this time, you’ve got like forty minutes before Cassie needs to demorph. Explain.”
‹I cannot,› Elfangor repeated. ‹The rules of this game are unclear to me, and the consequences of violating them graver than you can imagine. You will have to piece together what you can from what I have already told you—any more, and Crayak will have leave to—›
He faltered, stiffening in what appeared to be surprise. ‹Crayak,› he said again, slowly and deliberately. ‹Crayak. Crayak.› He paused, seeming to gather his resolve, and I felt a tingle of dread crawl its way up my spine. ‹Ellimist.›
“What—”
‹The game has already changed,› Elfangor said grimly. ‹It was not possible, when last we met, for me to say those names to you. I do not know if this was a stricture that was tied to my true body alone, or if the reasons for withholding them no longer apply, or if one side has acted unilaterally to loosen my restraints, or if we are baited into a trap of some kind, or—›
He trailed off again, turning his stalk eyes to Marco while his main eyes remained on me. ‹I will say only this: that we are each of us here by design, moved into place as surely as a pawn upon a chessboard. That I did not tell you this before—that I find myself moved to tell you now—that the true nature of the morphing technology has given us the chance to have a second conversation at all—each of these events were plotted, predicted. They are steps in a calculation, branches on the tree of possibility, and it takes a greater mind than mine to see the final outcome.›
“God dammit,” Marco bit out. “What are we supposed to do with that?”
‹Your best,› said the alien, giving an eerily human shrug. ‹As you would have done anyway.›
* * *
“Should we even have a fire going?” I asked. “The Yeerks have got to be using some kind of satellite surveillance to look for us, at this point.”
It was almost night, the sky a deep blue broken by a scattering of bright stars. Rachel, Tobias, and Garrett had gone to sleep—Rachel in her hammock, and Tobias and Garrett in one of the three tiny lean-tos. Ax had disappeared hours earlier, after promising to rejoin us in the morning. Only Cassie, Marco, and I were still up, sitting on logs around the firepit in the middle of the clearing.
“Erek set up a web of holograms around the entire valley,” Cassie said. “He wouldn’t tell us where they were, or how they worked, but he says that nothing in the valley can be seen from the outside, and that the holograms themselves can’t be detected by the Yeerks.”
“That’s—convenient,” I said, watching the column of smoke as it trailed off into the heavens. Would the smoke itself be enough to give us away? Would Erek have thought of that?
Marco muttered something under his breath. “What?” I asked.
“I said, it doesn’t make any sense. The Chee.”
“What do you mean?”
“Erek told us they have some kind of block against violence,” he said. “Can’t do anything to harm another sapient being, can’t allow violence to happen. But he’s sheltering us even though he knows we’re going to be taking the fight to the Yeerks. And he’s letting the Yeerks go around bodysnatching people left and right. And he said they’ve been on Earth for thousands of years, but obviously they’ve never intervened in any large-scale war, since it would take all of about six of them to completely shut down any battlefield in history. I can’t figure out any kind of coherent set of rules that makes all that fit together.”
He fell silent, staring into the fire, the orange light shining in his eyes, off his hair. He was in his real body, his right hand swollen beneath the dirty fabric of a t-shirt torn into strips.
I looked over at Cassie. She was staring into the fire, too—elbows on her knees, her chin resting in her hands, wearing the same closed, thoughtful expression she’d had on ever since she came out of Andalite morph.
I sighed, feeling the dull throb of a headache beginning to blossom between my eyes, and added figure out what to do about the Chee to the long and growing list of things-to-do-tomorrow. Standing up, I grabbed another of the logs Rachel had cut—how?—and dropped it into the pit, shielding my eyes from the resulting fountain of sparks.
We had food, water, and shelter, thanks to Cassie’s original efforts and occasional supply runs supplemented by deliveries from Erek. We had weapons—the laser beam Marco had stolen from the Yeerk pool, a few guns Tobias had “scavenged” from the pawn shops on the north side of the tracks, the gun Ax had pulled on me and the strange metal bracelet Rachel had stolen from Visser Three’s body. We didn’t have internet or phones, but we had thought-speak, and it wasn’t too hard to get news from Somerton, Rosita, or Granite Heights, none of which showed any signs of infestation yet.
We had everything we needed to survive. What we didn’t have—yet—was a way to win.
I turned and sat back down, gazing into the flickering light. The last time I’d sat in front of a campfire had been almost two years ago, backpacking with Marco and my parents and my brother Tom. We’d cooked steaks on sticks, made s’mores, thrown copper sulfate on the flames to turn them green. It had been pretty much the only time I’d gotten to hang out with Tom that summer, since he’d been spending every day getting ready for JV basketball tryouts…
Tom was out there somewhere, right at that very moment. Trapped. Scared. Alone. Controlled. Tom, and my parents, and my cousins Jordan and Sara and my aunt and uncle—Rachel’s parents—and Marco’s dad, and everyone I knew from school, and probably a quarter of the people in the city, by this point. Twenty thousand host-ready Yeerks, Elfangor had said.
I hadn’t thought about any of them all day. In days, really—even before my memory went fuzzy, I’d been avoiding looking straight at the problem. At what had happened to the Withers and the Chapmans, the utter, horrifying darkness of it. It was so much easier to focus on what was right in front of me, on asking questions and making plans. To distract myself from the fact that I was lost, homesick, and terrified, and that I didn’t know what to do next.
—fake Jake fake Jake fake Jake—
Except that wasn’t it. Not really. The problem wasn’t that I was a fake Jake, it was that I was exactly the same as the real Jake. The Jake who’d screwed up and gotten himself killed—who hadn’t been able to save Cassie’s parents—who was barely holding the group together. I had every one of his flaws, every one of his weaknesses. I wasn’t a superhero, I was a kid, and not even a particularly smart one at that. I had no business carrying the fate of the world on my shoulders.
So give it up. Turn yourself in to the military, give the blue box to the scientists, alert the media. Like you should have done last week.
Insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting something different. Or was that despair talking? The part of me that was afraid to be in charge, because then it was all my fault?
I sighed again. There was no point going around in circles inside my own head, in trying to make decisions by myself in the dark. The universe had waited eight days while I was stuck in a coma; it could wait eight more hours.
I rose to my feet, my eyes still on the flames. “I think I’m going to b—” I began, then faltered as I looked up.
Marco and Cassie were staring at one another across the campfire, each looking quietly determined. “What—” I said, and then broke off again. “Are you guys thought-speaking at each other?”
Marco held up his broken hand in answer. “Gotta spend some time in my real body, or this will never heal.”
Cassie said nothing.
“What’s going—I mean, what are you—” I asked, for once unable to guess.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Marco drawled. “We’re both waiting up to be the last one to talk to you. Alone.” His lip twisted into a smirk, his eyes still locked onto Cassie’s. “Though I guess at this point, it’s pretty obvious which one of us is more stubborn.”
Suddenly, he stood, kicking a splash of dust into the fire as he shoved his hands into his pockets, breaking eye contact with Cassie as he threw me a plastic grin. “’Night, buddy. Glad you’re not dead, and all that.” He turned and began walking off into the darkness.
“Marco?”
“Later,” he called over his shoulder.
And then he was gone. I stared after him for a long moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. Behind me, there was a slight scrape, a quiet rustle, and I turned to see Cassie looking down at the ground, scratching random lines in the dirt with her shoe.
“He didn’t take it very well,” she said simply, her voice calm and conversational. “When you—went under. He was—”
She pursed her lips. “Well. It’s been hard. Let’s just leave it at that.”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. “Cassie, I’m sorry about your—”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said, cutting me off. Her eyes were incredibly bright in the firelight, set into the dark skin of her face. They shone like stars, looking brilliant and distant.
“Yeah, but we should’ve—”
“Should you?” she asked. She looked up at me, her expression mild. “Because now you’re looking at it from the outside, and I’m curious. What do you really think, Jake?”
I swallowed again, turning to look at the dark space where Marco had disappeared.
Should I have left Cassie in the dark about her parents’ death? It was unkind, for sure—cruel, even. But would it have been any kinder to tell her? To waste time and resources hunting her down, only to deliver the terrible news?
If we’d gone looking—if we’d waited—the whole mission to the pool would have turned out differently. If we’d sent Rachel to find Cassie, and Marco and I had gone in alone—
“That’s what I thought,” Cassie said sadly. “See, this is the problem. It’s not that we’re going to make a whole bunch of bad calls and suddenly turn evil or something like that. It’s just that the good calls—well, there just aren’t any good calls, you know? We keep going like this, we’re going to end up in a place where even the least bad option is still something we’re not going to be able to live with. And if we do live with it, it’ll be because we—because we’ve stopped—because the good parts inside us—”
She faltered, scrubbing at her eyes with one hand. “I killed a bear, Jake,” she said. “Right over there, by the creek. Morphed into Elfangor’s body and just killed it, straight out. It pissed me off, so I ended it. And you know what? I don’t even think that’s particularly crazy. I mean, I can look at it and see, okay, I’ve got some kind of PTSD thing going on, and I felt like I didn’t have any control over my environment, so I did something to give myself a sense of power and—and agency. And it’s just a bear. It’s not like I killed a person or anything.”
The lump in my throat had grown too big to swallow. I felt my fists clenching and unclenching, felt sweat trickling down the back of my neck. I wanted to say something to stop her—to throw the train of thought off the tracks before it could reach its destination—but there was nothing to be said. Nothing true, anyway.
“Rachel—she killed a kid, Jake. She didn’t want to talk about it, but I got the story out of Erek. At the school, when everything was going down, Visser Three was in a kid’s body, and she just carved it up like it was a Thanksgiving turkey. She cut his arms off, and then knocked him down, and then cut his head off, and then she just dealt with it, like it was nothing. And you know what else? Erek had it all on tape, and I watched it, and as soon as I saw it was a kid I didn’t know, I felt better. Like it would have been worse if it were a friend of mine, like this kid’s life didn’t matter because I didn’t know his name.”
She looked up at me from her seat on the rotting log, barely two yards away and yet infinitely out of reach. “I talked to Elfangor about the whole Yeerk-morphing thing. At the same time that he was talking to Ax—he can think two things at once, easy. And he made this point, you know, about respect and stuff. Like, if I think that I would want somebody to use my body—if it could help them win the war—then I’m not really respecting them if I assume that they would say no. Like, I’m sort of accusing them of being selfish or short-sighted or something—that if the war is really worth fighting, then I should trust other people to see that it’s really worth fighting, and just go ahead and assume that they would consent, if they had the time to really understand. And it wasn’t even until I demorphed that I realized just how deeply creepy that sounds, and even then I still believed the argument. I still think it’s true.”
She shrugged, a quick and casual movement of her shoulders, and I felt the tension inside me double, because she shouldn’t be this nonchalant, not Cassie of all people, not about things like this. My black box was shuddering, smoking, ready to break because this was wrong, wrong, wrong—
“And that’s the thing, you know? That’s what I’m afraid of. Not that we’ll wake up one day and realize that we’ve crossed all the lines, but that we’ll look back and we won’t even see any lines—that we won’t know what all the fuss was about in the first place, because every choice we made was good, every choice we made was justified. I mean, what was Rachel supposed to do—leave Visser Three in control of the battlefield?” She gave a brittle, humorless laugh. “I did that once, and now both my parents are dead. If I’d done what Rachel did, my dad might still be alive right now.”
“Cassie—” I interjected, her name like glass in my throat.
“Yeah?” she asked—carelessly curious, heartbreakingly casual.
But once again, there was nothing to be said. The silence stretched out and eventually broke, becoming just an ordinary quiet. After a time, Cassie stood, still looking slightly up at me, the flames reflecting in her eyes imperceptibly dimmer as the fire slowly burned itself out. She looked at me, and smiled—sadly—then shuffled forward, leaning in to brush her lips against mine for the first time.
“Sweet dreams, Jake,” she said, as she stepped around me and headed for bed. “I’m glad you’re back.”
* * *
For the third time in a row, I stretched out my hand and focused, watching Cassie’s borrowed body go still as the acquiring process took hold.
“Last one for now,” I said, drawing back as she began to demorph. “I don’t want you getting morph-sick.”
‹That’s only three,› she pointed out in public thought-speak. ‹Are you sure?›
“For now,” I repeated wearily. “We need to move on. Lot of stuff to sort out.”
I stepped away as her feathers began to melt together, slowly darkening into the deep purple of her t-shirt. Turning, I picked up the Iscafil device and handed it back to Rachel. “Hold on to this,” I said. “We’ll figure out what to do with it later.”
She nodded, her face an unreadable mask. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the small, blue box, her eyes locked on it as if it were a poisonous snake.
After Visser Three had done whatever-it-was that had put the two of them and Erek into some kind of mind-meld, she’d gone straight for the construction site, digging the box out of its hiding place and delivering it to Marco before going to rescue her own family. By the time she’d gotten home, the Yeerks were already there.
Later, I told myself. You’ll deal with it later.
“Sound off,” I said, turning to the rest of the group. “Flight morphs.”
“Osprey,” said Marco.
“Barn owl,” said Garrett.
“Red-tail,” said Tobias.
“Eagle,” said Rachel.
There was a mental flash, the image of a great horned owl, and Ax lifted a hand. He had been practicing thought-speaking at human brains just as much as he had been practicing human speech, but he still found it easier to communicate in pictures and concepts rather than words.
“Snipe,” said Cassie, as her mouth appeared out of the peregrine falcon’s beak.
“And I’ll take the falcon,” I said.
Since most of our morphs had been acquired from Cassie, we’d decided to divide them up between us, so that there would be no chance of accidental interference in the middle of combat. For the most part, the birds had been independently acquired and could be overlapped, but Garrett, Ax, and I were all using borrowed morphs, so we’d each claimed one of them, as well. It would make it easier for us to tell one another apart in the air, and we always had the option of acquiring our own copies of different birds later.
“We’re going to look like a birdwatcher’s wet dream when we’re all flying together,” Marco quipped. “We’ll need to be careful—stay spaced out and stuff.”
“Bulldozer morphs,” I continued, refusing to be distracted.
“Elephant,” answered Rachel.
“Polar bear,” added Garrett.
Ax transmitted the image of a moose.
“Gorilla,” said Marco.
“Cape buffalo,” said Tobias.
“And Cassie and I will share the rhino, for now,” I concluded. “Okay. Combat. I’ve got the tiger.”
“Gorilla again,” Marco chimed in. “Ain’t broke.”
“Wolf,” Cassie said softly.
‹My own body will be sufficient,› said Ax, his thought-speak only a little bit like razor blades dancing across our minds.
Garrett was the first to recover. “Ouch,” he said. “And, grizzly.”
“I’ll play Elfangor,” said Tobias. I suppressed the urge to study Ax’s reaction.
“Hork-Bajir,” said Rachel.
I raised an eyebrow—when did that happen?—but she didn’t elaborate, just looked down at the cube in her hands.
I took in a deep breath. Later. I would deal with it later, along with Ax’s alien dogma and Tobias’s continued skepticism and Marco’s increasing irritability and Cassie’s quiet despair and Garrett’s weird tics and the fact that we were all stuck out in the woods and all of our friends and family had been taken and I was a fake a clone a copy a ghost—
Later.
“Okay,” I said, and I was relieved that no hint of my exhaustion and anxiety managed to make its way into my voice. “Let’s make a plan.”
* * *
“It works,” Marco said, holding out both hands like a stage magician. Slowly, his palms began to swell, bulging outward, taking on new colors and texture. A minute and a half later, and two reusable grocery bags dropped to the forest floor, their contents spilling out across the pine needles.
“Cassie was right,” he continued. “I didn’t have to think about what was in the bags; I just focused on the outside, and it pulled the whole thing into the morph.”
“It’s going to cut down on your time limit,” Rachel said. “Right? I mean, if the thing is based on mass—”
“Yeah, but hand grenades don’t weigh much, and neither do AK-47s.”
* * *
“When Cassie returns, you may tell her that her prediction was correct,” said Ax. “The pigeon was capable of detecting wavelengths of light well beyond the range of both human and Andalite vision.”
“There’s a cloaked Bug fighter over your house, Rachel’s house, and Marco’s house,” Garrett added. “You can’t really see them, even in morph, but you can tell they’re there. Nothing over Oak Landing, and nothing over Cassie’s. One over the school, though, and the big force field is still there. Sorry, Jake—I don’t think we’re going to be getting anybody’s family out any time soon.”
* * *
“Took them maybe three minutes to show up after Rachel stung him. They’re getting faster, and they’re following up on everything now. I think they’ve got every single cop, EMT, and firefighter, not to mention most of the people who work downtown. Pretty soon, we’re not going to be able to move around in the city at all.”
“Did you get the cylinder?”
“Yeah, we got it.”
* * *
“I can’t help you,” Erek said. “I want to, believe me. But I can’t.” He unzipped his backpack, revealing the groceries inside. “This is the best I can do, for now.”
“What about the rest of your people?” I asked.
“We’re still gathering, just in case. But there’s nothing we can do. Our understanding of psychological trauma is learned—as far as our core programming is concerned, the Yeerk invasion is a good thing. Crime is down by fifty percent and still falling. Pretty soon, there won’t be any violence left at all.”
* * *
I closed my eyes. “Five seconds,” I called out, focusing my thoughts. Twenty-three times forty-seven—that’s twenty-three times fifty minus twenty-three times three; twenty-three times one hundred is twenty-three hundred, cut that in half and it’s—
‹JOHHHHHHHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT—HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOOOOOO! WHENEVER WE GO OUT, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT—›
“Stop!” I managed to choke out, my train of thought utterly derailed. “Please, stop!”
‹Did it work?›
“Yeah,” I said, unable to keep a smile from spreading across my face. “It worked.”
* * *
‹I still don’t understand why Cassie’s the only one of us who can pull this off,› Marco grumbled.
‹Doesn’t matter,› said Rachel, holding up one three-fingered hand and studying the sharp, curved claws. ‹A, it’s awesome, and B, as long as we can acquire from her—›
‹—and as long as we don’t need all seven of us in morph,› Marco interjected.
‹—then this is just as good.›
* * *
“If we do it this way, we’re all on the line,” Marco pointed out.
“Yeah, but if we split up, we’re weaker at every step,” I said. “We’ve all seen Episode III—I’m not sending half of us to one place and half of us to another, when we can all just do both missions. It’s bad enough that we don’t have Tobias—if something goes wrong, I want everybody there to help.”
* * *
“Are you sure you want to do this, Garrett?” I asked. Around me, skepticism showed more or less openly on every face—Rachel dubious, Marco visibly opposed, Cassie sympathetic, Ax idly curious.
Garrett didn’t look up, didn’t speak—just sat there with his shirt pulled up around his mouth, staring resolutely at my shoes. But he nodded.
Be straightforward with him, Tobias had told me, just before leaving. Blunt, even. Just don’t bullshit him.
“I’m a little nervous about this,” I said carefully. “Because it looks like you’re nervous, and this is—well, this is the most important job.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a retard,” Garrett said—but mildly.
I nodded. “Fine. Garrett, you’re not acting like you can handle this.”
“Because I won’t look you in the eye.”
“And because you’ve got the shirt over your mouth. And because you’re curled up in a little ball. And there’s that sound you make when we’re not looking. This is pretty much the worst I’ve ever seen you, as far as—that stuff—is concerned. And Tobias isn’t here to—”
“I don’t need Tobias to take care of me.”
“—to help you. The way Marco helps me. This stuff is scary—it’s okay to be scared. But not too scared. Right now, you look too scared, which makes me want to ask Cassie or Marco to do it instead.”
I waited for the younger boy’s response.
‹This is a waste of—›
‹Ten seconds,› I interrupted, looking over to see whether it was Marco or Rachel I was interrupting. Neither face looked confused, which told me that whoever had sent the first message had sent it so that all of us could hear.
All of us except—I hoped—Garrett himself.
It wasn’t the first time that the others had expressed reservations about the strange little orphan kid. The subject had come up twice since Tobias left, exacerbated by the fact that—in the older boy’s absence—Garrett had spent almost all of his time with Ax. Marco and Rachel and Cassie had seen little of his competence, and a lot of his awkward, antisocial weirdness. It took energy to deal with him, especially as the days dragged on and the little valley felt smaller and smaller—energy that was in short supply, given the stress we were already under.
But.
I wasn’t entirely sure why I was defending him—why I wanted to defend him, as opposed to doing it out of a sense of duty or loyalty or virtue. It wasn’t any one thing—more like a mix of reasons, none of which would have been sufficient on their own.
There was the talk I’d had with Cassie, and the bad taste it had left in my mouth, that made me want to be a better person than—strictly speaking—I had to be.
There was the fact that Tobias did feel like an important part of the group, and that Tobias and Garrett were a package deal.
There was my quiet sense that Garrett was in fact a useful ally—that he had perspective and potential that we would miss, if we lost it. By all accounts, he’d already saved Tobias’s life once, not to mention his role in bringing us together with Ax.
Mostly, though, it was about the shape of the little tribe we were forming, the kind of group we needed to be, if we wanted to win this war. Sooner or later—and probably sooner—we were going to have to start growing. Recruiting. Sharing the morphing power, accepting that we didn’t have a monopoly on action. Ax was Elfangor’s brother—in a very real sense, Garrett was our only outsider. That made him—for me, at least—what, a weathervane? A test case? The question of whether we could make it work with Garrett seemed meaningfully tied up with the question of whether we could make it work with anyone who wasn’t there from the beginning. It was a matter of setting precedent, of self-fulfilling prophecy—either way, we’d be creating a feedback loop.
But—and even I admitted this, had no interest in denying it—none of that would be relevant if he couldn’t pull his weight.
‹That’s ten,› said Marco, or maybe Rachel. ‹Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.›
Marco.
I opened my mouth—
Sucking in a deep breath, Garrett uncurled and climbed to his feet. Pulling his shirt down, he fixed his gaze somewhere in the vicinity of my left nostril, his arms held rigidly by his sides.
“I’d like to do this,” he said loudly. “I’m the smallest one, with the longest time limit, so it makes sense for it to be me. And I can handle it. I’m sorry I’m not as sneaky as everybody else is about whether or not I’m scared.”
I looked over at the others, caught Marco’s eye.
Your call, Fearless Leader.
“Okay, then,” I said. “Trial number one. Let’s do this.”
Without further ceremony, I lay down on a patch of grass a few yards away from the firepit. Still looking vaguely terrified, Garrett stepped over and stood with one foot on either side of my torso, straddling me. For the briefest of moments, we made actual eye contact, and I gave him what I hoped would be taken as an encouraging nod.
“Here goes,” he muttered under his breath, and closed his eyes.
The basic idea was simple. According to Ax, the Yeerks either already had or very soon would have something called a Gleet bio-filter installed at every entrance to the Yeerk pool. It would detect—and vaporize—any living thing that attempted to pass through it that was not approved—i.e. a human, Taxxon, or Hork-Bajir, complete with ride-along Yeerk.
In all likelihood, this would not be the only hurdle we would need to overcome. Given that Cassie and Marco had each independently come up with the idea in the same five-minute period, it was almost certain that Visser Three had defenses in place to guard against it.
But it was an important piece of the puzzle, which was: how do you get a two-hundred-pound lump of cesium—or better still, a hundred two-pound lumps—into the middle of the Yeerk pool?
Above, I had an unpleasantly clear view of Garrett as his skin turned gray and began to ooze a slimy, snailey lubricant. With unnerving swiftness, his eyelids fused shut and his mouth and nostrils vanished, leaving his face a horrifying lump of alien flesh. Dropping to his knees, he fell forward onto my chest, and I grimaced as the thick, wet heat began to soak through my shirt.
‹Sorry.›
I heard a sort of garbage-disposal sound that I could only imagine was his entire skeletal system shattering and dissolving. A septic, swampy odor filled the air, and the pressure on my legs and torso evened out as his own limbs melted together into a single puddle of goo. I closed my eyes, wishing he had started by shrinking.
‹Sorry.›
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, unsure whether he would even be able to hear me. Next time, we let him morph in a pot of water and scoop him out. The theory had been that it would be easier and more hygienic if he started out in contact with my body, but we hadn’t really taken into account just how gross the transition would be.
‹Jake.›
“Hmmm?” I said.
‹Jake, something’s wrong.›
Feeling a sudden spike of adrenaline, I opened my eyes.
There was nothing human left of Garrett’s body—it was a puddle of oozing gray flesh, covering me like the world’s largest booger. It didn’t look Yeerkish, either, though—instead of the pale, featureless gray, it was all shot through with delicate black veins, the pattern pulsing and shifting as if it were a nest of writhing snakes.
“What—”
I didn’t get to finish the question, because without warning, Garrett’s body suddenly swelled, a wave of alien biomass surging forward, knocking me flat on my back.
‹Garrett! Stop! Demorph!›
‹What?›
‹You’re suffocating Jake! Back to human, now!›
The slime and gunk were everywhere—in my eyes, in my mouth, up my nose and in my ears. I gagged, trying to inhale, and then retched, my throat filling with bile and acid. Acting on animal instinct, I began tearing at the soft flesh, trying to dig my way out to open air.
‹AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!›
‹Keep demorphing! Don’t stop!›
I could feel the weight across my face and chest decreasing, and with a final, desperate heave, I threw the other boy off of me, turning to the side and hacking as I tried to clear my airway. I was dimly aware of the others shouting, of the sound of footsteps, and then what felt like a gallon of water splashed across my face, clearing some of the muck.
‹Sorry sorry sorry what happened sorry so—›
Garrett’s thought-speak cut off abruptly as he passed the halfway mark in his demorph. A long forty-five seconds passed, in which I continued to cough and wheeze as the others threw more water on me, wiping my face and neck clean with rough towels.
Eventually, I got my breathing back under control and was able to open my eyes. Garrett was half a dozen yards away, curled up into a ball, his shirt fully obscuring his face and ooze and slime drenching his clothes. The others were standing around me in a semicircle, a mix of horror and confusion on every face.
“What,” shouted Marco, still holding an empty bucket, “the fuck? Ax? Cassie? What the everliving fuck just happened?”
‹I am sorry, Marco,› Ax said, sounding bewildered, his thought-speak even more grating than usual in his agitation. ‹I have absolutely no idea.›
Chapter 17: Chapter 15: Marco
Notes:
Author's notes:
1. Slight retcon to morphing time limits, to normalize everybody to the same mathematical curve. This involved some minor changes to previous chapters that I probably won't bother to fix anytime soon, because probably nobody would have noticed anyway. In essence, they're all clustered around two hours, ranging from Jake (slightly under) and Ax (well under) to Garrett (well over).
2. Odds of tweaks to this chapter are higher than usual; it's been a stressful two weeks and I didn't hit all of the notes I wanted to hit. Your critical comments are even more greatly appreciated than usual, especially if accompanied by concrete suggestions. As always, I read every review here, and I love it when people join the discussion over at r/rational.
3. Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Chapter 15: Marco
My eyes were already open as I came awake—my feet already under me, my clothes already on. There were three stones in my right hand, as I’d known there would be, as there basically had to be.
I took a deep breath. I’d prepared for this as best I could, but the reality—
Are you there? I asked in my thoughts—quietly, to whatever extent “quiet” meant anything inside my own head.
Silence. Inevitable, expected.
I began to count doubles—one, two, four, eight, sixteen—growing more and more tense with each passing number, sweat prickling under my hair and trickling down the back of my neck.
Thirty-two.
Sixty-four.
One-twenty-eight.
Two-fifty-six.
Five hundred twelve.
One thousand twenty-four.
Two thousand forty-eight.
Four thousand ninety-six.
Eight thousand one hundred ninety-two.
Sixteen thousand three hundred eighty four.
Thirty two thousand six hundred—seven?—seven hundred and—
I stopped. I had two-to-the-fourteenth memorized, and not two-to-the-fifteenth, and with that, it was settled, my last scrap of self-protective doubt obliterated, annihilated. I had known it from the first moment, but knowing was one thing, and proof was—
Something else.
I took another deep breath, the air catching raggedly in my throat.
What day is it? I thought.
Like magic—like thought-speak—the answer came back, a whisper from the other Marco. The real Marco, the one in control, who’d been quietly giving me space as I dealt with the reality of the situation.
<It’s Tuesday,> he said. <The twelfth.>
Six days. One for the memory to sink in—to become a part of the physical structure of my brain. Then the acquisition, which I didn’t remember—couldn’t remember, any more than I could remember the last moment of wakefulness before falling asleep.
And then five more days. Five days in which I’d been frozen, unreal, irrelevant—a potential person, a pattern in my own memory. In the meantime, Marco would have calculated two-to-the-fifteenth, would have committed the number to memory. Tomorrow, he would let Jake or Rachel or—no, not Tobias, Tobias would still be gone—let them acquire him, and acquire himself back. And then there would be three of us, where right now there were only two.
Version control.
My idea. Me—the Marco in between.
Can you hear all of this? I asked.
<Yeah,> came the reply. <It’s—well—yeah.>
Can you—I mean, can you let me—you know—hear you, too? I tried not to think the word please, knowing even as I did that it was futile, that he—I—would hear it anyway.
Silence. Then—
<Sorry. I guess not.>
I sucked in another long, slow breath. It’s fine, I thought. Don’t worry about it.
There was a pause. <Do you—I mean, are you—>
It’s fine.
There was a strange moment of mental reflection, in which I knew—despite being unable to hear it directly—knew what the other Marco was thinking, and knew that he knew it, and knew that he knew that I knew that he knew it—a cascading upward spiral in which we both considered the question that I wanted to ask, the question I’d anticipated, that I had decided in advance I would not answer, and realized that I—he—was going to answer it anyway. It had been silly to pretend otherwise—a good, general policy taken to an extreme, irrational conclusion.
<They’re all still alive.>
And—
<No. They’ve still got him.>
I squeezed my eyes shut, a sudden tremble in my chin. Thanks, I thought, knowing there was nothing more to say.
After a time, I opened my eyes again.
Okay. How can I help?
<There’s a plan.>
I nodded—physically nodded, registering for the first time where we—I—was standing. Marco had climbed up to the highest rock in the shattered pile of boulders that made up the north end of the valley. It was my favorite spot, with a peaceful view of the back side of the mountain range—no humans, no buildings, just greens and browns and granite grays. He had clearly chosen it on purpose—a small but meaningful kindness.
Yeah, you’re such a great guy, Marco.
I experienced the thought, rather than broadcasting it intentionally, and the real Marco let it pass without comment. He could afford to be tolerant—of the two of us, he wasn’t the one whose lifespan was measured in minutes.
And with that, the thought that I had been trying not to think found wings, broke through the barriers and echoed across the surface of my mind.
Oh, God. I’m going to die.
I had at most two hours—probably less, if the real Marco was under any kind of time pressure. Two hours, and then he would demorph, and I would be gone, dissolved back into the æther. It was completely inevitable—there was not one single thing that I could do to prevent it, and the fact that the original version of me would continue on in his own body failed to provide even the slightest shred of comfort.
<Hey—>
Just give me a minute, okay? Just—just give me one fucking minute. I don’t need—
He backed off.
Thirty seconds later, I wiped the tears away from my cheeks, blinking until the mountains stopped being blurry. It was a warm, beautiful day, the horizon clearly visible a hundred miles away.
Okay. Talk.
<We’re still trying to crack the Yeerk pool, but we ran into a snag. Something went wrong with the Yeerk morph, and we’re not sure what. We’re going to try for another one of the cylinders, as a test.>
You’re running the exact same—
<Please. No, we figure it’s time to start hitting them for real, and we’ll grab a cylinder on our way out.>
He laid out the situation in broad strokes. The Yeerks had concentrated their firepower in four separate locations—the pool, the high school, the downtown police station, and the hospital. According to the Chee, each of them was openly alien on the inside, with holograms at the entrances and Hork-Bajir and other aliens working side by side with human Controllers.
The pool and the high school were both protected by impenetrable shields; Ax claimed that each was only a half-dome, and could be bypassed from below, but he also admitted that Visser Three would have definitely made plans for that possibility.
The police station was currently too tough a nut to crack—it was their main response hub, with three Bug fighters hovering overhead on permanent standby and a lot of troops on alert inside.
The hospital was apparently undefended, and even Rachel was smart enough to recognize the trap.
<Jake wanted us to take one of the houses back, but I talked him out of it. There’s a bunch of other houses with known Controllers, plus a ton of random businesses, and we could always try just snatching someone off the street, but it’s getting harder because they’re traveling everywhere in triplets and pretty much every one of them has a gun.>
What about the stunners?
<Ax figures they’re running out. There’s only so much tech they could have brought with them, and they don’t have full manufacturing capability yet.>
So, what’s the plan?
<There’s a truck.>
A big one, about the size of a large U-Haul. It left from a supply depot on the outskirts of town every other day, heading for the pool, carrying food and soda.
Obvious target.
<Yeah. There’s a couple of guards in the back, and a team that goes over the cargo with a fine-tooth comb before they let it inside the shield. Looks like they irradiate the whole truck, too, in case of insects. But we’re not going to hit it on its way in.>
It had taken them a few reconnaissance trips to notice, but the truck was just as heavy on its return trip as it was when it left the warehouse—just as low on the tires, just as wobbly on the speedbumps, and just as slow on the turns.
<We don’t know what it is, but we figure we ought to steal it, or at the very least wreck it.>
It could be thirty Hork-Bajir!
<We’ve got a plan for that.>
About halfway between the pool and the warehouse, the truck’s route took it across Lake Mackintosh, the county reservoir. It wasn’t a huge lake—maybe a half mile wide at that point—and the bridge was basically just more road, held about twenty feet above the water by thick, concrete pillars.
You’re going to blow the bridge?
<With Ax’s phaser things. Shredders.>
What about the Controllers?
<Cassie’s sitting this one out.>
I swallowed. It was a cold, brutal answer, and I could picture exactly how the conversation must have gone down. Okay, I thought. So you—you’ve got somebody in the water? To rip open the truck?
<Garrett, as squid. Cassie thinks he can survive for a while in fresh water, so he’s going to drag off whatever seems valuable—and pull the Controllers out of the cab, to get their weapons and spare Yeerks.>
We went over the rest of the details, one by one. I bit my lip, looking down at the cloud-shadows mottling the slope of the mountain, my heart sinking as Marco fleshed out the plan in my head. There were a dozen things that could go wrong—a hundred, a thousand. I did my best to point them out, and together, the other Marco and I considered them, making small adjustments to the plan.
What if the bridge doesn’t break? I asked, at one point. Or if it falls in early, and the truck just stops?
<We bail,> Marco said. <No point taking extra risk. We’re hoping, we do it this way, it all happens so fast the Yeerks never even get a distress signal. Ax is pretty sure he can time it so it falls right as they’re coming up to it.>
So no distractions, then?
<Jake wants everybody nearby, especially since we’re down to five. Plus, we don’t want to show all our tricks before we’re ready to take on the pool, and we don’t want somebody getting killed because some Controller happens to get in a lucky shot.>
We talked, and talked, and talked, going over the whole thing twice—thrice—four times. We talked about Visser Three, and the information Rachel had pulled out of his head. We talked about the things he would have been able to pull from Rachel, and whether Ax’s surprise presence would provide any sort of advantage, and whether the Visser already knew about using the morphing tech to store objects and tools. We talked about sodium, and bleach, and whether or not the National Guard armory had hand grenades. We talked about Elfangor, though for obvious reasons we both skirted the topic of digging through his memories by force. We talked about Jake, and Marco filled me in on how he was doing. We didn’t talk about Dad, but he was there, in the background, underlining our thoughts.
Eventually, it became clear that there was nothing more to talk about. That Marco was stringing things along, stretching out the time.
Keeping me alive.
I fought back a sudden urge to cry, looked down at my feet as the mountains turned blurry once again. In my head, the other Marco said nothing.
What are you—
—waiting for, I wanted to say, but some surge of self-preservation instinct stopped me from forming the words, even in my own thoughts. I wanted to shout it, to scream and rage, to retreat from my fear into bitter fury.
But if I did, he might stop waiting, and I didn’t want to die.
Cut the crap, a part of me whispered. It’s not like you’re actually dying, any more than you’re actually fourteen. You’re a copy. You’re a program he booted up for a while. When he turns you off, you’re still going to be there.
Except I wouldn’t—not really. Not me, not the memories of the past hour. I’d be wiped, reset—reformed from scratch, like when one of our morphs got injured in battle.
You knew this was going to happen. The second you decided to make backups, you knew you’d eventually wake up as the clone.
And I’d thought, then, that I’d be okay with it. That I’d understand. That as long as one of me kept on living, I’d feel like it wasn’t really over.
But it was. I had memories of fourteen long years, and in a few minutes, they would end, and me along with them. Scrubbing away the tears, I looked down at my index finger, at the faint scar on the second joint, a memento from the time I’d slammed it in the car door in second grade.
I wasn’t just a copy. If Jake was still Jake, even after what had happened, then I really was Marco. Not the original, but still real. If Marco Prime stayed in morph, I’d go on living—would grow up, grow old, have a life. I’d get to go to prom, take the road trip across the country that Dad had been promising for years, start a family somewhere. Even if we lost the war, I wouldn’t just vanish.
Marco, I began.
<Sorry,> he said.
And I felt the changes begin.
* * *
I finished throwing up and wiped my lips with the back of my hand, spitting to get the taste of bile out of my mouth. I’d thought about switching him off again—taking back total control—but in the end, I couldn’t do it. It would’ve made me feel better about it, and I didn’t want to feel better about it. I deserved every plea, every curse, every heart-wrenching knife that the past version of myself had sunk into me as I slowly murdered him, dissolving his existence away. I would carry that memory with me forever—it would be a part of every new backup I made from now on.
Straightening, I took one last look at the mountain range—at the crumpled ridges, the fluffy white clouds. A hawk floated on the breeze, tracing lazy circles against the deep blue of the sky. It was quiet, and peaceful, and calm.
Fuck you, Elfangor, I thought.
And I turned and headed back to camp.
* * *
<Jake here, ETA four minutes. Down the chain, over.>
<Jake and Marco ready, four minutes, pass it down, over.>
<Garrett here. Under water, ready, Jake and Marco set. Three minutes fifty, over.>
There was a long silence as the message continued out of range, Garrett passing word to Ax, who would pass word to Rachel on the far side of the bridge and then bring confirmation back. I peered out from the concealing brush at the side of the road, straining to hear the sound of the distant truck’s engine, but it was too soon. At three and a half minutes and something like fifty miles per hour, it was still well over two miles away.
<Garrett here. Ax is ready at the second break zone, Rachel’s good to drop the tree if she has to but she says no one’s coming. Over.>
<Jake,> I broadcast. <It’s Marco. Everybody’s set, over.>
<Three minutes.>
Ax had used his Shredders to score the bridge structure in two places, weakening the steel and concrete until it was just barely supporting its own weight. As the truck passed the first, the whole section should drop away and into the water; if it didn’t, Ax would have a few seconds to cut away the last few supports holding up the second.
Rachel was in Andalite morph on the far shore, ready to block the road in case some innocent family came by in their SUV at the wrong time. As soon as the bridge went down, she’d sprint toward the rest of us. I’d be coming in from behind, chasing the truck, and Jake would dive in from above if he wasn’t needed to stop any other cars coming along behind. With luck, we would all converge on Garrett’s position within a minute of one another.
<Still no sign of Bug fighters?> I asked, looking up at the empty sky. <From Marco,> I added hastily. <Over.>
<Nothing,> Jake replied. <Relax.>
He should have used pigeon morph. He should have used pigeon morph, or better yet we should have brought Cassie and made her use pigeon morph. We should have just blocked the road on the far side and had Rachel standing by closer. We should have warned the Chee. There could be thirty Hork-Bajir with guns in the back of that truck. We should’ve recruited more kids from Tobias’s orphanage. There could be Bug fighters—Rachel’s going to be exposed on the bridge for like thirty seconds; if there are Bug fighters she’s just going to die. We should—
<Two minutes.>
I shook my head. Should should should. No point in obsessing over it, at this point. The dice were already rolling.
I’d read the Wikipedia article on the strategy and tactics of guerrilla warfare, on one of our incognito trips to the library to get internet access. Turns out people had just written it all down—attacking in small groups, using camouflage and captured weapons, avoiding casualties while forcing the larger enemy to spread itself thin or waste resources overprotecting every base and transportation route. The operation we were about to pull was basic, almost textbook—hit hard and fast, on a relatively undefended target, and get out before the enemy has time to react.
The question was, was that good enough? Was it a strategy that could win even though Visser Three would have considered it—predicted it?
The Yeerks didn’t know about Ax. They didn’t know about weaponized thought-speak. They didn’t know we could carry items in morph, or that we could access the memories of anyone we morphed into—unless maybe they did. It was impossible to tell what Visser Three did or didn’t know, impossible to judge what he’d managed to pull out of Rachel’s head during their split-second mind meld, or what he’d simply figured out on his own. He’d had access to the morphing tech for almost two years, according to Ax, and he could look at all of Alloran’s memories and theories.
Did we want to use every advantage we had, maximizing our chances of success? Or did we want to hold back, preserving a few surprises, a few critical tricks?
<One minute.>
I’d done a report on Alan Turing, in eighth grade—on Bletchley Park and Ultra, the secret British codebreaking operation that cracked the Nazi military communications during World War II. For a while, the British had known the positions of just about every German U-Boat in the Atlantic, and had foreknowledge of over half of the upcoming attacks on Allied ships.
And what they’d done with that information was—mostly—nothing. At each step of the way, it was more important to preserve their overall ability to read German communications than it was to rescue this or that convoy. If the Germans had figured out that their codes were broken, they would’ve just switched to a better system. So the Allies waited, and watched, intervening only when the intel could be explained away as luck or reconnaissance or the work of double agents. And eventually, the secrecy, the sacrifices—it all paid off, on D-Day.
Already the Yeerks were traveling in triplets. Already, according to the Chee, they were stunning people the second the Yeerks crawled out of their heads, storing the unconscious bodies along the side of the pool and reviving people only after they’d already been reinfested. If each of our successes made the odds of the next success smaller, rather than bigger—
We needed to hit the Yeerk pool yesterday.
<Here we go. Nearest car is about four miles back.>
<Incoming,> I relayed to Garrett, and watched through the tangle of leaves and branches as the truck came around the bend and accelerated into the straightaway. There were two Controllers visible in the front cab, both wearing navy blue overalls and looking bored. The box in the back was maybe fifteen feet long, with a bright painting of a cornucopia on the side.
It passed me, and I tensed, waiting for the right moment. I didn’t want them to spot me chasing after them in the rearview mirror. Above me, the small gray dot that was Jake angled past, shedding altitude as it accelerated toward the critical point.
There was a crack—a rumble—a splash—the sound of a horn, sustained but muffled—
<Now.>
I burst from the undergrowth, the thorns pulling a few of my feathers loose from my thick, scaly skin. Ahead of me, Jake dove below the road and out of sight, disappearing into the cloud of dust rising from the gaping, fifty-foot hole.
<Jake here. It’s not sinking. Over.>
<What?> I demanded, my legs pumping as fast as they could, claws clicking against the asphalt as I held my long tail rigid behind me for balance.
<Front’s underwater. It’s headfirst. Back’s upright, sticking out maybe five feet. Garrett?>
<I’m on it. Over.>
I reached the edge of the ragged breakpoint just as Garrett’s tentacles broke the surface, latching on to the crumpled box and tugging it sideways. <If they managed to send a signal—>
<We know, Marco,> said Jake, flapping for altitude as he rose in a tight spiral.
<It is unlikely that anyone inside is conscious,> came a voice that I assumed was Ax. <The acceleration to zero was extremely violent.>
Across the gap, Rachel approached, her blue fur blurring and melting together into the tight, dark Spandex of her gymnastics outfit. <Rachel here,> she said. <What morph? Combat? Evasion? Over.>
<Give me a minute. Jake, over.>
<AHHHHHHHH!>
<Who was that? What happened?>
<They’re shooting!>
<What?>
<Inside the truck. Dracon beams. I—it’s me, Garrett. They shot off one of my tentacles.>
<Get clear!>
<Roger.>
I peered over the edge, at the churning, turbulent water. The truck was completely submerged now, lying sideways with the nearer side about eight feet down. I thought I saw a dark stain that might have been blood, and a stream of bubbles rising from the hole the Controller inside had just made—
TSEWWWWWW!
I reared backward and fell as the laser beam sliced shockingly close to my face, my tail bending painfully underneath me. <Watch it!> I shouted. <They’re cutting their way out!>
There was a popping sound, followed by a gurgling sort of whumpf, and I rolled over onto my stomach, crawling awkwardly back to the lip. Turning my long snout sideways, I peered over.
There were two humans in combat gear, floating in the water. One appeared to be unconscious, held up by the other, who was using his one free arm to swim and shoot at the same time and doing a bad job of both.
<We’re going to have company,> somebody said.
Pushing myself to my feet, I crouched on the edge, my eyes tracking the wild flailing of the Yeerk weapon. The man was panicked, gasping, his attention on the water around and under him.
<Garrett,> I whispered. <It’s Marco. Make a splash in three seconds. Over.>
Three—
Two—
One—
I stepped out into open space just as a tentacle broke the surface, thirty feet away. Whirling, the man fired, the beam sending up a curtain of steam as I extended my legs, claws first—
I hit hard, one foot on his shoulder, the other on the top of his skull. I felt bone give way in both places, felt the impact shiver up my legs as he plunged into the water, the waves closing in around me.
<He’s down. Marco took care of it.>
A tentacle wrapped itself around my chest, gentle but terrifyingly strong. It lifted me up to the surface, unwound itself, rested beneath my abdomen as I caught my breath, my feathers heavy and waterlogged.
<Thanks.>
<Rachel, Ax—into the water. Rachel in the back, Ax in the cab. Grab what you can and get under the bridge. Morph fish and take the stuff with you. Garrett and Marco and I will meet you at the rendezvous.>
<I can—>
<Shut up. Demorph.>
<What’s going—>
<I don’t know. I’m out of the sky. Demorphing already. Garrett, let Marco go, grab what you can from the truck, and move.>
The tentacle beneath me vanished, and I floundered, spreading my arms and tail and kicking as I fought to stay afloat. I heard splashes around me as Rachel and Ax entered the water, as Garrett dove back below the surface. I concentrated on my human form, wishing for once that I could choose to demorph naked. But the clothes I’d sent along with my body came back, shoes and all, and I struggled to stay afloat as I tried vainly to remove various waterlogged items that were still physically connected to my skin.
Finally, the morph was complete. Kicking off my shoes and pants, I swam back under the uncollapsed portion of the bridge, where Jake was waiting. “Bug fighters?” I asked.
“Don’t know,” Jake said tersely. “Don’t think so, but it’s time to get out of here.” He nodded toward the truck. “No cylinders. Not one, on any of the four of them.”
Shit. “What else did we get?”
“Later.”
Taking several deep breaths, he dove beneath the surface and headed for the truck. I treaded water for a moment, out of sight beneath the bridge, straining my ears for the sound of—
Retard. Move.
I swam two strokes and then stopped, my brain finally processing what I was seeing.
The water around me was mostly still, the gush of air from the truck having finally petered out. The blood—from Garrett, from the Controller I’d killed—had mostly thinned out. There were two bodies floating nearby, both wearing black combat gear. One of them was face down, the gaping wounds in his head and shoulders mercifully hidden by the gentle waves.
The other was on his back, and his chest was moving.
Shit.
He had been unconscious the whole time. He hadn’t seen anything.
Shit shit shit.
I swam over to him. He was beefy, maybe in his mid-thirties, with a five o’clock shadow and a lump the size of a tennis ball on his forehead. His breathing was slow and steady, his torso buoyed by his Kevlar vest.
I could roll him over, and let the water take care of it. I could leave him, and join Jake in the truck, collecting more of whatever was down there.
Or—
You did come here looking for a Yeerk to acquire.
Or I could take him with me.
No time. Decide.
Letting out a strangled yell of frustration, I grabbed him by the arm and began tugging him back under the bridge and out of sight.
He weighs two hundred pounds, maybe two hundred thirty with all the gear. Ax weighs two twenty two and has a morph time of eighty minutes. I weigh one hundred and have a morph time of one thirty-six minutes. Rise over run, that’s—that’s—
—should have figured this equation out ahead of time—
—shut up, that’s—one hundred twenty two pounds and—and fifty-six minutes’ difference—so two pounds cuts off one minute, so two hundred thirty pounds cuts off a hundred and fifteen minutes, making my time limit—
Twenty-one minutes. Maybe. Assuming the relationship was linear, which it almost certainly wasn’t, because why would it be? We’d drawn out the points, I remembered drawing out the points, but I couldn’t remember which way the thing curved, so I’d either have more than twenty-one minutes, or I’d have less—
Go.
Turning, I pulled the Controller into an embrace and focused. Osprey—it was small, it was fast, and it was able to take off out of water. I could fly for ten minutes and be five miles away.
And then—
Later. Move.
* * *
<I can’t go back to the valley just yet.>
<What? Why not?>
<Because one of the things I’m carrying is probably a Yeerk tracking device.>
<Marco, what the—>
<I’ll explain later.>
* * *
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
I demorphed as quickly as I could, half expecting the Controller to come out dead or disintegrated or something. But he was fine. As quickly as I could, I stripped him down to his underwear, throwing everything except his Dracon beam into a pile under a bush. Grabbing the beam in one hand and the Controller’s hand in the other, I focused again, this time on the snipe.
If the tracker isn’t in his stuff—if it’s under his skin—
Later. I would deal with it later.
* * *
It was almost sunset by the time I made it back to the valley. I’d morphed and demorphed four more times, unwilling to take chances with the time limit. After the second change, I’d paused for an hour to rest, leaving the Controller spread-eagled at the top of a sheer stone spire and waiting a few hundred yards away to see if the Yeerks would come looking for him.
They didn’t.
Don’t get cocky. Just because the trackers aren’t embedded in their skin YET doesn’t mean they won’t be next week.
And on top of that—
Just because they haven’t showed up HERE doesn’t mean they’re not tracking you. They could be waiting to see where you end up before barging in. In fact, they could be mapping all of this, to check out later.
So I’d spent the third and fourth morphs going in a completely different direction, looking for a convenient place to tie him up. Eventually, I found an old shack, at least five miles from the nearest road, with a half-collapsed roof and a hundred feet of sketchy, moldy rope. I burned another half hour in gorilla morph, piling logs all around the shack and covering the hole with a mess of brambles.
Then I headed back to the others.
“His name is Aaron Tidwell,” I said. It was just me, Jake, Cassie, and Rachel; Garrett and Ax were off somewhere with some of the tech they’d recovered from the truck. “He’s ex-military, Iraq war two. He got out in 2011 and signed up for a private security company called Bastion, Inc. He’s been a Controller for three weeks now—since just a couple days before Elfangor landed. He’s got no kids, no girlfriend. He usually covers armored car deliveries, but when the Yeerks noticed Bastion they took it over and folded all the guys in with the rest of the police and the local National Guard group. He’s been running this route for over a week.”
“Does he know what goes on at the other end?” Rachel asked.
I shook my head. “He stays with the truck. They fill up with food, they drop off all over town. They fill up again, they drop off at the Yeerk pool, and sometimes they load up with stuff and bring it back to the warehouse.”
I looked over at the rest of our loot, an assortment of metal objects lying in neat rows on the grass of the meadow. “He doesn’t really know what any of that is,” I continued. “Does Ax?”
“Not important,” Jake said, making a small chopping motion with his hand. “Not right now. Priority one is what we do with this guy.”
I chewed at my lip. Jake had said that none of the four Controllers had cylinders on them. Garrett had been in squid morph, Ax had checked the cab, and Rachel had gone straight into the rear compartment of the truck. That meant it had been Jake who checked the two floating bodies, and Jake who’d decided not to mention that one of them was still alive.
“He hadn’t woken up, as of about forty-five minutes ago,” I said. “I don’t know what that means as far as brain injuries are concerned, but it’s not good.”
Jake shifted minutely, his gaze shifting to Cassie. “Erek?” he asked.
She nodded and left the circle.
Turning back to me, Jake crossed his arms. “Risky,” he said simply. “Explain.”
I shrugged. “No time to think,” I said. “This kept options open.”
“You acquired him?”
“Yeah. Like I said, he still hadn’t woken up.”
“What’s he know?”
“Not much. Passwords for getting into the Yeerk pool, but they’ll change those. A look at the inside of the pool from two days ago. A few Controllers who outrank him; couple people there we might look into. He’s a guy who follows orders. His Yeerk is pretty much the same.”
“You got something on the Yeerk?”
“Not really. Just what Tidwell remembers. The Yeerk’s name is Illim. Seems—alien. Didn’t talk much, didn’t really interact with Tidwell at all. Ignored him, mostly.” I glanced at Rachel. “Not at all like Esplin.”
Jake’s expression went sour, and he stood up and began to pace. Beside me, Rachel was silent, her eyes occasionally drifting toward the pile of stolen Yeerk tech as she slowly rubbed her hands together.
There were really only two options. Three, I guess, if you counted the possibility that Tidwell might just die of whatever head injury he’d suffered during the crash. We could hold him for a day and a half, starve the Yeerk out of his head, and acquire it.
Or we could kill him.
“You weren’t tracked?” Jake asked abruptly. “He didn’t have any kind of communicator on him?”
“Stripped him down to his underwear,” I said. “Watched for an hour to see if the Yeerks would show up. I think he’s clean.”
There was a long moment in which Jake seemed to study me, looking me up and down and then locking eyes for what felt like forever. “All right,” he said. “We wait for Erek to get back, and then we go.”
“What are you—I mean, what are we going to do, once we get there?”
“That depends on the Yeerk.”
* * *
There was noise inside the shack—motion.
“Erek,” Jake whispered. “Go.”
Nodding tightly, the boy spun and disappeared back into the forest. He had been trembling throughout the entire journey, his human body shaking and shivering like he was shirtless in a snowstorm. We still hadn’t figured out exactly what the limits on his programming were—those very limits made it impossible for him to explain—but it couldn’t have been easy to accompany the four of us to a shack where we’d tied up a prisoner we were maybe going to end up torturing. It was just as well that Mr. Tidwell had woken up; if he still needed medical attention, we could give it to him back at the camp.
“Marco,” Jake said, his voice still low. “You’re up.”
<Illim,> I called out in thought-speak, and the motion stopped.
Beside me, Rachel was seven and a half feet tall in her Hork-Bajir morph, a deadly-looking laser rifle in one hand and a shock-stick in the other. As luck would have it, nearly a quarter of the things we’d stolen had turned out to be weapons.
<Illim, your host body is injured. You’re defenseless, and you’re a long way from home. We’ve got you surrounded. Will you talk?>
Silence from the shack. “Start moving the trees,” Jake said.
I loped forward, my gorilla knuckles dragging across the ground. One at a time, I heaved on the logs that were blocking the door, tipping them over into the undergrowth beside the dilapidated cabin. I paused before removing the last log, and Rachel leveled the gun, lining up her sights.
Jake nodded.
With one swift motion, I tossed the final log out of the way, unbarring the door. <Come out,> I said. <Slowly.>
The door creaked open and the human body of Aaron Tidwell emerged into the moonlight.
“Stop,” Jake said, his voice heavy with authority.
Tidwell stopped. He looked awful, the lump on his forehead forcing one of his eyes shut, stripes of dirt covering his body where I’d tied him up with the filthy, fraying rope. His fingernails were cracked and bleeding, and there were scratches on his arms that made me think he’d tried to climb out through the brambles on the roof.
“Andalite?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“No. Human.”
Jake stepped forward, Rachel drifting slowly to one side to keep a line of fire open. When he was ten feet away, he stopped, looking up at the heavyset veteran.
“My name is Jake,” he said coldly. “My friends and I raided your truck today. The other three Controllers on board were killed.”
Tidwell’s eyes narrowed, and he turned his head slowly to look at me, then at Rachel, wincing slightly with the motion. “You are—human?”
“Yes.” Jake held up his arm, revealing a fully-formed tiger’s paw, which slowly began to melt back into a human hand. “Humans who morph.”
“You know my name.”
“Yes. And we know the name of your host—Aaron Tidwell.”
“How?”
Jake shook his head. “No.” He turned his hand over, and as the last of the fur disappeared, a small, silvery cylinder began to grow out of his palm.
Tidwell’s eyes widened.
“I show you secrets,” Jake said. “Do you understand what that means?”
Tidwell’s shoulders slumped, his jaw going slack. “You’re going to kill me now.”
“Maybe.” He held up the cylinder. “Or maybe not. You know what this is?”
Tidwell nodded.
“Will you give up your host? Willingly? It’s been two days since you last went to the Yeerk pool. You’ve got to be feeling hungry, in there. If you come out, we will keep you alive—keep you safe.”
Tidwell’s eyes narrowed. Jake shrugged, an elaborately casual motion. “It makes no difference to us, Illim” he drawled. “Either way, Aaron Tidwell walks out of this forest a free man. You can either give him up now, or you can trade your life for an extra day, and we’ll burn your shriveled husk out of his head after you die. I don’t know what Kandrona starvation is like, but if it’s anything like the human kind, it’ll be punishment enough.”
He held up his other hand, all five fingers extended. “Offer made,” he said. “Five seconds.”
He put down a finger. “Now four.”
He put down another.
Then another.
“All right,” said Tidwell. Illim. “Give me the cylinder.”
Jake tossed it lightly, underhanded. Ax had checked it out before we left, confirming that there were no alarms or weapons or communicators hidden in its circuits. Tidwell reached to catch it—missed—almost lost his balance as the cylinder fell to the forest floor. Wincing again, he bent to pick it up, pressed a few buttons, held the device up to his ear.
At the last second, he hesitated. “You will—you will stun my host?” he asked. “So that he does not kill me as I relinquish control?”
Jake shook his head. “Nope,” he said bluntly. “You can beg him for forgiveness—ask him to let you live. If he says no—well.” He shrugged again. “If he says no, you can stay in there until you rot.”
Even inside the gorilla, I felt an urge to let my jaw drop. This was a side of Jake I’d never seen before—cold and cruel and completely uncaring. It was different from the way he wrangled Rachel and Tobias—different even from the way he spoke to Ax, constantly reinforcing his dominance over the alien cadet. He sounded like a killer, like a sociopath, like—
—like somebody whose father is being held captive in a concentration camp inside his own head.
Tidwell stood frozen for a long moment, his expression irresolute. We waited—me resting on my knuckles, Jake standing with his hands clasped behind his back, Rachel with the rifle held perfectly steady.
Finally, he moved. Without another word, he pressed the cylinder against his ear, the pained expression on his face doubling as he slowly sank to his knees. There was a soft squelching sound, like someone stepping on a sponge, and a red light appeared on the end of the stasis device.
After a few seconds, the light turned white, and Tidwell seemed to sag, the cylinder falling away from his hands as he dropped forward onto all fours. For a pair of heartbeats, none of us moved, and then he began to cry—harsh, barking sobs that tore their way out of his throat, shaking his whole body.
* * *
“What are you going to do with the Yeerk?” I asked.
“Illim,” Jake said softly turning the cylinder over in his hands. “Its name is Illim.”
We’d pulled it out of stasis long enough to acquire it, then put it back into the little metal tube while we tried the morph again. Tidwell hadn’t stuck around to watch—after we brought him back to the valley, he disappeared into one of the huts with Erek and Cassie and hadn’t come out since.
The morph had gone exactly as it had the previous time, with both Jake and Rachel turning into swollen, veiny, gelatinous masses before giving up and reverting back to their own bodies. We were no closer to solving the mystery, which meant we were no closer to getting inside the pool—at least, not with Plan A.
In front of me, Jake’s eyes glittered in the firelight, his expression closed and thoughtful. We were the last two awake, the moon sinking down toward the horizon as the air grew cold and wet.
“I guess we’ll keep it,” he said. “We did promise to keep it alive. And it may end up being useful for something, eventually.”
“And Tidwell?”
He shrugged. “Not sure. We don’t have the cube, so we can’t exactly recruit him, full stop. And the Yeerks will have their eyes out for him. Might be that the best we can do for him is send him away.”
“He’s a grownup,” I pointed out. “And a vet. He might be able to help get us in with somebody in the military.”
“Nothing we can’t do ourselves,” Jake countered. “Especially since you’ve already acquired him.”
“Well,” I said, trailing off.
I still hadn’t told anybody about what had happened with the other Marco—not even Rachel, who’d been the one to help me acquire him. Me. Myself. I had dipped into Tidwell’s mind, but I’d kept an iron grip on his consciousness, holding him in a sort of dream state while I dug through his memory. Even that had been nauseating, and I wasn’t looking forward to repeating the experience.
Not like you have a choice. There is a war on, you know—every scrap of intel helps.
“Anyway,” Jake continued, snapping me out of my reverie. “Whatever we decide, tomorrow’s going to be busy. Ax finished inventorying the stuff we got, and there’s a lot—enough to make a dent in the police station and the hospital, if not the pool.”
I frowned, looking over across the fire at my friend, trying to make out his expression in the shifting, flickering light. His voice sounded off—flat, empty, like he still hadn’t fully recovered from his performance at the shack.
“Jake,” I said cautiously. He didn’t look up. “Jake, are you all right?”
There was a long pause. “No,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.
“What—”
“In the water. Tidwell. I checked him for cylinders. I knew he was alive.”
I blinked. “Yeah,” I said slowly. “I figured.”
“I knew he was alive, and I knew I should do something about it, and I couldn’t think of what to do, so I just—ignored it. Just ignored him and kept going.”
“So?”
“So maybe Cassie’s right. About this whole thing. About where our heads are going to end up. Because I—he—he was going to drown, Marco. Right? I mean, sure, he managed to float for a little while, but if we’d just left—with the waves, and with all that gear—”
He broke off, and turned to squint at me. “But you didn’t just leave him. Even after you killed the other one. You knew what to do. And now he’s alive—he’s alive, and he’s free, and he would’ve been dead if it were up to me, because I couldn’t take ten extra seconds to brainstorm.”
My mouth worked soundlessly as I struggled to find words. “You—I mean—we—it was tense.” I gritted my teeth, hoping I sounded more convincing than I felt. “We were under pressure, you were trying to get everybody out. It was a lot to juggle. And with Cassie and Tobias gone—”
“Maybe we shouldn’t be in charge of this war, Marco. Maybe I shouldn’t. I mean, I know Tobias is working on it, but maybe—maybe it’s time to do more than that. Maybe you’re right—maybe this Tidwell—”
“No,” I cut in. “I mean, yeah, definitely, for sure, but not—not because—”
I trailed off, trying to put my thoughts into coherent sentences. “Look. The way you handled Ax? The way you handled Garrett? The way you talked the Yeerk out of Tidwell’s head? Sure—we’re way past due to get some grownups involved. But this group? Us? We’re only working because of you, man. Whatever magic it is that you do—I can’t do it. Rachel can’t. Earlier today, when Cassie bailed on the mission—that would have torn the whole group apart, if you hadn’t been there to smooth it over.”
Jake said nothing, only continued staring at the cylinder in his hands.
“I—look,” I continued. “It’s not about you getting every call exactly right, okay? It’s not like I made the right choice, and you made the wrong one. We’re a team, you know? A bunch of teenage superhero animal morphers. Animorphs, man—here to save the world. And just because you’re calling the shots doesn’t mean you have to do all the work. You be Captain America, and the rest of us, we’ve got your back.”
“Maybe,” he repeated, his tone heavy and dull. “Maybe. But the next time, it’s not going to be so easy. And what if it’s not some random Controller? What if it’s Rachel’s cousins? Or your dad? Or Tom?”
I flinched. “If it comes down to that,” I said slowly, “I’d rather have you making the call than anybody else.”
But even as I said it, I couldn’t help but remember the very first night, when he’d morphed into Homer after agreeing it made sense to wait. Or the first time, at the pool, when he’d barged in headfirst without stopping to think or plan.
If you counted Tidwell—and I wasn’t sure you should, but if you did—that was three bad decisions, all completely on his shoulders. Taken together with the way he handled the group, it wasn’t terrible overall. But it wasn’t great, either.
I stood, walking over to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Good night, buddy,” I said. “Get some rest.”
He said nothing, and I turned and walked away, heading for my tent.
Now what?
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t think he was going to crack, but he was definitely cracking, present tense. And if it got any worse, we were going to be in serious trouble. I needed a backup plan, and I needed it fast, before Jake talked himself into something really stupid.
Fortunately, I knew exactly who to ask for help.
* * *
<YEERK! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!>
<First of all, no. Second of all, not a Yeerk. And third of all, fuck you, Elfangor. Fuck your bullshit, fuck your secrets, fuck your mysterious little plan. I want to know everything, and I want to know it right now.>
Chapter 18: Interlude 3
Notes:
It's been a crazy week, and I need a few more days to get the proper update in acceptable shape. Here's a quick interlude, in the meantime.
Chapter Text
Interlude
Her name was Aftran 927, and she finally, finally understood love.
She had known about it for weeks, of course. Her host was a nine-year-old girl named Karen, and Karen loved many things. The feel of her stuffed unicorn, the sound of her father’s voice, the smell of the morning breeze off of the ocean and the slurp of the last, sugary gulp of milk after she finished her cereal. Love was the first thing Aftran had seen, when she opened Karen’s memories—love so omnipresent, so overflowing that it would have faded into the background, were it not so vibrant and alive.
But she had not understood it—had not felt it, shared in it, reveled in it the way she had reveled in the sheer ecstasy of human sensation. Before Karen, Aftran had been small, so very small—had spent year after year as nothing more than a few strands of thought, a fragile web of memory. Her pool had lain in the barren northern reaches of the smallest continent, with no native Gedds and only the dull, rocklike ground-eaters for hosts. Their skulls had hardly any room for a Yeerk, and so Aftran had been little more than a whisper of personality, a ghost in the organic machine.
But humans! Their heads were so large, their bodies so complex. Aftran had swollen, in the taking, growing larger than she had ever been, larger than she had ever imagined being—feeling her self expand as more and more of her siblings joined her, became her, released their names and took the name of Aftran for their own. She had grown so enormous that she almost did not mind the cut, the gap, the aching empty loneliness that was temporary independence—especially not when she first touched Karen’s brain and was rewarded with an experience brilliant beyond imagining.
The colors.
The sounds.
The effervescent tingle of sensation on skin—her skin.
For the first time, Aftran was large enough to think, to know, to be on her own, and for three whole days, she was drunk with the glory of living inside the paradise of Karen’s head. She gathered thousands of memories—what wonder, to be able to hold so many!—and carried them back to the pool in triumph, a feast of recollections for the coalescion’s joy.
On her second journey, she had been more sober.
But still—it was her purpose to consume, and so she soaked up Karen’s experiences like a sponge, sharing them every third day with her family, her larger self. Sometimes there were greater needs, and she suspended the fête for this or that as the coalescion reached ever outward through the web of humanity. But she was closer to satisfaction than most of her brethren—closer to the true joy, the true purpose of life.
There was only one false note in the symphony, and that was Karen.
Karen did not like Aftran. Karen was small, and afraid—did not understand that this was her purpose, her reason—that she existed to be filled, that she was a vessel that had become a part of something larger, something beautiful. She cried within her head—sublime despair, exquisite sadness, and Aftran exulted in the sensation, but nevertheless, she wondered.
Bit by bit, she probed into the tiny human’s soul, seeking to understand. At first, she took a Yeerkish tack—were there sensations the child was missing? She spoke to her comrades, to the Controllers of Karen’s father and mother, and each agreed to greater contact—to more hugs, and kisses, and physical closeness. It pacified the parents, and the feelings were pleasant to all.
But still Karen wept. And so Aftran explored new avenues—new sensations and pleasures that Karen had never experienced. She tugged on every nerve—combined hormones and neurotransmitters in subtle, sensuous mixtures—orchestrated mad, fantastical dreams—fed her delicious, novel foods.
Nothing.
She began experimenting with giving Karen control, letting her move an arm, a leg—letting her say sweet dreams with her own voice when she parted from her parents at night. It helped, a little, and yet still the little girl wept.
Curious, Aftran dug deeper, taking more and more of Karen’s memories into herself, delivering more and more of the human to her siblings in the pool. In the wild orgy of dissolution, she held the memories alongside those of a thousand other humans, but no great insight emerged. She returned to Karen each time different, each time wiser, and yet each time no less baffled.
Finally, she could bear the sadness no longer, and so she clamped down on her host, squeezing Karen into the smallest, darkest corner of their shared experience, seizing full and total control. For a time, the world was bright again, and Aftran danced through it, blissful and free, happy merely to live—to have arms which could move the universe, and eyes which could see for miles.
And then a day came when her impatience waned, when her curiosity swelled to the forefront again, and she drew the little girl out from the dark place to which she’d been banished. Sitting quietly in their room, she gave the reins to Karen, stepped back to see what the human child would do—
—and suddenly, without any particular revelation, she understood.
For Aftran, there was no boundary between possession and experience. To see a thing was to be a thing—in the ecstasy of the pool, all was immediate, all was present, all was one. She moved in and out of the coalescion in a heartbeat rhythm, gathering fragments of the universe and bringing them back to her family, her siblings, her larger self. She was them, and they were her, and only together could they see the broader picture—the synthesis of ten thousand pairs of eyes, the control of ten thousand moving bodies. She walked the world on ten thousand pairs of feet, shaped it with twenty thousand hands, and when she was with Karen, she was but the tiniest sliver of herself, and she hungered always—more—more—more.
But Karen was not hungry. Karen wanted, but she did not take; she longed, but she could not consume. Her hunger was for a fullness she would never, ever taste, herself—the smiles of her parents, the laughter of her friends, even the contentment of the lump of fluff and fabric she’d named after her grandmother’s cat. She saw the trees dancing in the wind, and she loved them, and thus their imagined happiness gave her joy.
It was a strange thing, to Aftran—an alien thing. She stretched to feel it fully—to imagine an experience she could not devour, a memory she could not live, a sensation she could not tap into, no matter where she dwelt. What would it even mean, for such a thing to exist? How would one ever know it was real?
She dwelt on it for days—brought the question back to the coalescion, felt it echo through her siblings, watched it bounce off of their indifference. What concern had anyone, for experiences belonging to no one? It was a meaningless fallacy—not even valid enough to be counted as wrong.
Yet Aftran continued to wonder, and one day, she decided to try it.
It was not an easy experiment. She had to hide it from her comrades, waiting for an hour when they were busy, and would not notice odd behavior. When the moment came, she drove Karen deep into the dark, cutting the little girl off even from the sensations of sight and sound and touch. Working quickly, she assembled the ingredients in the kitchen, using the primitive human hotbox to heat her creation.
When it was finished, she pulled it out—allowed it to cool—covered it with sweet, sticky icing and decorated it with bright, edible sparkles. Cleaning up the mess, she placed the small cake on a plate, grabbed a knife and fork and napkin, and snuck back to their room, freezing the door in place with a tool she knew the little girl could not manipulate.
For Karen, she wrote, on a small, folded index card.
And then she vanished. Released her hold on the tiny human, and pulled back, away from her senses, away from control—shrinking down into the lonely darkness, blind and deaf and mute. She waited there for a timeless hour, wondering what the little girl would do, feeling the twisty pulse of love emerging for the first time from her own soul. Karen would be happy, she decided—she would be happy, and Aftran wouldn’t look, ever—would let that hour belong to Karen, and Karen alone. It would be a private moment, an un-memory, the sort of thing that couldn’t properly be stolen, and that was how they would both know it had been real.
Or so she thought, until she groped slowly back into control, only to find that the little girl had taken the knife, and put out both of her own eyes. Weak, blind, and gasping with pain, it took Aftran three tries to undo the lock on the door, and call for help from her comrades.
They took Karen to the hospital, and Aftran to the pool. Entering the warm embrace of the coalescion, she let herself disappear, dissolving fully into the togetherness, becoming one with her siblings, carrying with her the memory of love. Together with her larger self, she lived it, drank of it, ate it and breathed it.
This love, she asked herself, in a chorus of ten thousand voices. What good is it?
It was not the only question she asked that night, in the grand roil of thought and memory. After all, there were so many lives to live, so many experiences to absorb. She spent longer than usual in the pool, while the doctors struggled to save Karen’s eyes—struggled, and failed, and eventually made the decision to terminate the host. There were more than enough humans to go around, these days, with more joining them every day as the inevitable expansion continued.
Eventually, a moment came when no other was called, and a head was thrust beneath the surface, and she reached out with the tiniest part of herself to brush against an ear. Slowly, agonizingly, she ceased to be we and became once more she, shivering with loss and delight as she traded the mosaic cacophony for the brilliant clarity of a single, solitary perspective. She reached for the mind, and it unfolded before her, its memories lit with wonder and light.
Her name was Aftran 928, and she knew absolutely nothing of love.
Chapter 19: Chapter 16: Rachel
Notes:
... only 111,000 words in, and r!Animorphs passes the Bechdel test! Woo!
As always, please consider leaving reviews here or over at r/rational, where there are lots of opportunities for plot speculation and rationality discussion. Insofar as I'm writing this story well, I'd love to hear about what you enjoy; insofar as I've got room for improvement, I'd love for you to help me grow. Your comments keep me going (although this month I'm going to have less time than usual to reply).
Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Chapter 16: Rachel
<Check, please.>
<In position. Ready to fire if necessary. Over.>
<It’s not going to be necessary. I’m not even three feet away, over.>
<Neither of you do anything unless Rachel or Marco says, over.>
<I can see you just fine, Rachel. Him, too. We’re still good, over.>
The voices of Ax, Cassie, Jake, and Marco, indistinguishable except for inflection as they filtered through my own inner monologue. We’d settled on alphabetical order as the obvious shortcut any time there was an all-call.
<Demorphing in thirty seconds. Over.>
I was in wasp morph, standing on the steel-tangle pile of a plush, velvet rug at the foot of a king-sized bed, trembling at the thunderous vibrations of the male Controller asleep and snoring above me. Cassie was somewhere nearby, her much-larger-and-more-terrifying tarantula hawk morph having just barely made it through the small hole we’d burned in the screen earlier in the day.
The others were all outside—Ax playing sniper from a distance with one of his Andalite shredders, Jake lurking in the copse of trees in the backyard, and Marco up above, keeping an eye on the situation with the stunning night vision of his barn owl morph. Garrett was back in the valley, taking care of Tidwell, and Tobias would be gone for at least a few more days, assuming he came back at all.
It’s fine. Smooth sailing. No problem.
Wishing I could take a deep breath, I focused on my human form, feeling the changes begin almost immediately.
<Ninety seconds,> I broadcast. <Over.>
<Roger that, over.>
Luckily, the wasp’s eyes were useless in the dark. I could still feel everything, though—the sudden sag as my hard, black carapace melted into soft, pink flesh. The shivering pops and cracks as my forelimbs split and shifted and swelled, four of them forming arms and legs while the other two withered and vanished. The strange itching sensation as my jawbone grew around my mandibles and my antennae split into a hundred thousand hairs.
<Still good. No movement. Over.>
Tidwell had given us a list of Controllers—everyone he knew and recognized who had been in the Yeerk pool the last time he’d fed. It was short, since the Yeerks had switched to stunning the hosts as soon as the slugs dropped from their ears; Tidwell hadn’t been able to mingle and talk the way he used to when they’d been held in cages.
But still. He’d recognized nearly a dozen of the people lying beside the pool before being knocked unconscious himself. Of that dozen, he’d known the addresses of two, and we’d been able to find three more online.
Of those five, only one lived alone in a house with no security system.
<Still good, over.>
I was almost two feet long, a horrific toddler-sized chimera of human and insect, before my clothes began to return from Z-space, the skin repatterning itself and lifting up and away like a sunburn. For once, I didn’t mind, because it also meant that the Dracon beam was coming back, emerging along with my fingers and palm as the last of the chitin disappeared from my arms.
<Here goes,> I broadcast, just before my ability to thought-speak fell away.
Moving slowly enough that my muscles began to groan, I rolled up off the floor and into a kneeling position, keeping the Yeerk weapon pointed at the sleeping Controller the whole way. Giving a silent thanks to the ridiculously thick carpet, I duck-walked my way around the bed, inch by agonizing inch, until I was close enough to lay a single finger—light as a feather—on the exposed skin of his shoulder.
Focusing, I began to acquire him. His snoring changed, and I tensed, but it was only the usual trance, its relaxing effect doing something to ease the buzzsaw drone coming out of his gaping mouth. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I spotted Cassie, a spindly nightmare shape as big across as my palm, clinging to the wall above the headboard.
<She’s got him,> someone said. Probably Marco, relaying the situation to the others. <No sign he’s waking up. Over.>
Tidwell had known the passwords for the pool entrance for four days into the future—passwords which the Yeerks almost certainly would have changed after our raid on the truck. Assuming that the new passwords had been set immediately, and that afterward the Yeerks would have reverted to their previous model of telling Controllers on their way out of the YMCA, then the man in the bed in front of me had gotten his last update some time between yesterday morning and yesterday evening—long enough ago that they would have had plenty of time to be encoded in the physical structures of his brain.
Which meant that I now had them, too—along with a body that everyone expected to see at the pool some time during the day after tomorrow.
In theory, Marco said, the Yeerks could have followed the connection—could have tracked who had been with Tidwell during his last pool visit, and upped the security around anyone who seemed particularly vulnerable.
But in practice, the Yeerks only had so many weapons, so many troops, so much attention to spare. They could mobilize in minutes, but they couldn’t actively guard everyone, and even Controllers had to sleep at some point.
“This is the standard,” Marco had said, as we prepared to leave the valley that afternoon. “Just like the truck—minimum risk, maximum power. We go where they aren’t looking, we bring as much firepower as we can, and we maximize the chances of at least some of us getting out if things go wrong.”
It was a calculated move. The man might have changed his feeding schedule, or the Yeerks might have done more than just change out one set of passwords for another. There was a chance we’d come out with basically nothing. But the odds of danger were even lower, meaning we were unlikely to lose anything other than a little time.
Still holding the Dracon beam steady, I quietly crept back around to the foot of the bed, where I’d be out of the Controller’s line-of-sight if he awoke. With a smooth, silent motion, I rolled over onto my back, pointing the weapon up at the ceiling as I began to morph. I was no Cassie, but I managed to keep the process away from my arms until I was nearly halfway done, the cold black metal melting into the armor creeping its way upward from my elbows.
<Okay,> I said, as soon as I could thought-speak. <Let’s get out of here.>
<Cassie. I’ll cover you until you’re clear, over.>
<Counter that, says Jake. Cassie, Ax has it under control. Get out now; Rachel will finish up and follow. Over.>
<Translation: Jake loves Cassie more than he loves Rachel. Over. Also, this was Ax speaking, over.>
<Aximili speaking. I am being misrepresented, likely by Marco. Over.>
<Jake here. Both of you cut the nonsense—they’re not out yet.>
I waited for Marco’s final jab—you forgot to say over, over—but it never came. A few seconds later, Cassie gave her personal all-clear, and as the final changes wound toward completion and my wings sputtered to life, I rose up from the carpet and followed. Five more minutes, and we were headed back toward the valley, pumping for altitude in the cold night air, each of us wearing the body of a different bird.
The whole thing had gone like clockwork—in and out in under half an hour, with no alarm and no reason to think the Yeerks would ever realize we’d been there. The part of me that itched for action was almost disappointed—had almost hoped the Controller would wake up and call for help, turning it into a fight.
But there would be plenty of fighting, soon enough. We’d chosen the battlefields for our last two missions, and as a result they’d been straightforward and easy, the complications with Illim and Tidwell notwithstanding. If we ran any more side quests, those would be easy, too.
All of that would change when we tried to take the pool. The Yeerks knew we were coming, sooner or later. They knew it was their weak point.
They would be ready.
They would be ready, and there would be blood.
* * *
“Nothing?” Marco asked, his tone incredulous.
I shook my head, and he swore, turning away to kick uselessly at a tuft of grass. Beside him, Jake dropped his head wearily into his hands, slowly rubbing at his temples as if fighting off a headache. On the other side of the circle, Ax stood still and alert, his main eyes watching me as his stalk eyes alternated between tracking Marco and scanning the rest of the clearing.
We were gathered around the firepit for what felt like the hundredth time—everybody except for Cassie, who was napping after having taken third shift watching Tidwell. The scruffy veteran was sitting on a log next to Garrett, still visibly digesting the experience of having watched a teenage girl transform into a middle-aged man and back again.
“He remembers the password that he gave last time,” I clarified. “Remembers saying it out loud. ‘Moonlight whistle cinnamon fourteen Odric.’ Odric—that’s the name of his Yeerk. But nobody ever told him to say it. The Yeerk just produced the words on the spot, and he didn’t have access to them ahead of time.”
The man I had acquired was named Greg Morales. He was an accountant for one of the financial firms downtown, and he’d been taken two weeks ago, during his annual checkup at the hospital. And for a brief time—long enough for me to dig through his memory to find out everything he knew about Yeerk security—there had been two copies of him, neither in control of its own fate.
<The words seem consistent with basic generative cryptography,> Ax said cautiously. <Some rule, known to the Yeerk but unknown to the host, which allows the Yeerk to construct an appropriate set of responses based on relevant input.>
“But the hosts can’t—what, I dunno—hear it?” Garrett asked.
<The exchange is one-way,> Ax explained. <The Yeerk may access any part of the host’s brain structure, whether physical or psychic. The same is not true in reverse. Only concepts which the parasite chooses to transmit are available to the host.>
“Why a rule?” Jake asked. He glanced at Marco, who was now standing outside of the circle, staring off toward the slope on the far side of the valley. “Why couldn’t it just be a particular set of passwords, like before? Only this time, they’re not letting the hosts hear them?”
<Perhaps it could. The nature of communication in the pool is not well understood—I do not believe even Seerow was permitted to make observations of independent Yeerks in their natural state outside of the laboratory. I would expect there to be difficulty in coordinating information exchange of the sort that would allocate specific passwords to appropriate Yeerks, and they certainly would not have a single set. One common algorithm for generating correct responses has the benefit of being highly transferrable while also allowing for variety and uniqueness, making the system less vulnerable to external eavesdropping.>
He paused. <Eaves?> An image flashed into my head, of the join between a slanted roof and the wall supporting it, along with an impression of confusion.
“Let it go,” Garrett advised in a soft murmur. “Words don’t ever make sense.”
“Long story short,” I said, pulling us back on track. “We don’t have the passwords, and we can’t get them, which means we’re back to square one. Right?”
There was silence as I looked around the circle.
“Okay,” Jake said. “Options.” He began raising fingers one at a time. “We can try morphing into known Controllers directly, and bluffing our way through. We can try morphing into chiggers or some other bug, and getting under a Controller’s skin, and see if that bypasses the bio-filter. We can try taking the person at the desk, and unlocking the door ourselves. We can try a brute-force attack. We can try digging up from underneath—Ax figures that the shield only goes down about twenty feet, and we know the bottom is open. Or we could just give up, and go after the hospital.”
“The desk option won’t work,” Tidwell said, his voice still hoarse and gravelly. He had slammed his chest against something hard during the crash, and had been speaking in whispers for the past couple of days to avoid worsening the pain. “They’ve got cameras on the front room, and if either the girl behind the desk or the guys behind the cameras smell anything fishy, they hit the panic button and the door in the shield disappears.”
“Could we—I dunno—rewire the video somehow?”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t work like it does in the movies.”
“What about the Ch—”
Tidwell turned to look curiously at Garrett, who had broken off mid-sentence and was now staring at the patch of ground between his feet, his expression slightly stricken as his fists mangled the fabric of his t-shirt.
“And Ax says the bio-filters aren’t likely to be fooled into thinking a human morph is a Controller,” Jake said, his voice a hair louder than before. “For one, the fake Yeerk tissue has the same genetic makeup as the construct, and for another, there’s not enough of it.”
He shot another glance over at Marco, and I put it together—Marco was currently in his morph armor, which meant he was probably in the middle of giving Garrett a lecture on why Tidwell didn’t need to know about the Chee’s hologram technology.
Not that it would have worked, anyway. We maybe could have convinced Erek that forcibly acquiring someone wasn’t violence, but I doubt we could have convinced him that our reasons for doing so weren’t going to hurt anyone.
“For that matter, the chigger plan is probably out, too. If it can see through somebody’s skull, it can catch an insect buried half a millimeter deep.”
“So what do we—”
“Hang on,” Marco interrupted, whirling around and striding back into the circle. “Hang on.” He fixed Ax with his gaze, a look of urgent curiosity on his face. “Ax—the construct. If a Yeerk infested a construct, could it—would it be able to access the original mind? Could it read my thoughts, through the morph?”
Ax’s upper third settled down onto the ground—a gesture we’d learned to understand meant deep thought, like a human putting a hand on her chin. <I am uncertain,> he said, after a long pause. <But my immediate suspicion is—no, it would not. There is insufficient neural mass for the false Yeerk tissue to perform full cognition. It would seem to be little more than a set of levers and sensors, controlled from without. There is no information stored there for the Yeerk to peruse.>
“What about control? Would the Yeerk be able to control the construct?”
Another long pause. I did a quick scan of the circle—Jake looking darkly intent, Tidwell off-balance, Garrett openly curious. <I believe so,> Ax answered cautiously. <The interference between Cassie-based morphs indicates that the unitary host-construct dependency is not perfect. But if it came to a struggle—I would expect the true Yeerk to dominate. That is what it evolved to do, after all.> He rose up into his usual centaur-stance, adding <I am only weakly confident, though.>
Marco’s shoulders slumped fractionally, and he sighed. “Figures.”
“What—”
“Stupid idea, anyway.” He straightened again, looking around the circle. “I thought, since we can’t morph Yeerk for some reason—what if we used a real one? What if one of us let Illim—you know—infest us. That’d get us through the bio-filter, probably. But if it can just control the construct—and besides, there’s still the passwords—”
“Wait,” Tidwell croaked. “You’re just trying to get inside the shield? That’s it, it doesn’t matter after that?”
Marco frowned. “Jake?”
We hadn’t yet reached any sort of final decision about what Tidwell was and was not to know. He knew we could morph, obviously, and he’d helped us identify some of the weirder stuff we’d stolen from the truck, at least by name. But we’d been careful not to say anything about the stockpiles of sodium that Marco and Ax had located using some circumspect internet searches and a few judicious phone calls. “Not exactly,” Jake said slowly. “But if you have ideas…”
He gestured broadly at the rest of the circle.
“Well,” Tidwell continued, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know about sneaking. What I’m thinking, you’d have a lot of eyes on you, at least at first. But you’ll be inside.”
* * *
I watched with awe—and no small amount of envy—as Marco worked through the implications, starting with the fact that he wasn’t holding three rocks, then gradually growing more and more certain as he flashed through a series of numbers, finally ending with a grim conclusion as he tried to move his feet and found himself blocked. It all happened in a matter of seconds, each individual thought like a frame in a movie, a page in a flipbook.
<Rachel?> he asked, inside of our shared head.
Marco was smart.
<Yeah.>
I felt him gather his resolve—actually felt it, as if it were my own body and I were steeling myself—felt the sudden stain of dread and his iron refusal to yield to it. <So, am I dead?> he asked, brusquely. <The real me?>
<No.>
<Then what—>
There was a rush of heat in his—our—face, as his mind went almost immediately there, and he backpedaled in furious embarrassment, his thoughts a whirl of self-recrimination and baleful resentment. <Having fun?> he asked, bitterly.
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t, really—the experience of Marco’s consciousness was too distracting. It was hypnotic, mesmerizing—even as he formed words for my benefit, the rest of him was busy wrestling with itself, arguing back and forth as impressions and emotions churned beneath the surface.
There was confusion, as his brain continued to throw up guesses as to what was going on, and mortification that I had seen his first guess—that that had been his first guess—
There was anger at me, for the intrusion, coupled with accusations of hypocrisy as he remembered seriously considering this exact course of action—though of course, he’d been planning to morph Jake, not me—
There was shame as he realized that I could see his true opinion of me, and a surge of defensiveness as he marshaled his justifications. There was a sort of defiant hardening as he prepared himself to shrug off my hurt, my anticipated anger. And deep, deep down, so quiet I almost missed it, there was a tiny note of sad, shy insecurity—fear of my laughter, my scorn, that his opinion of me wouldn’t hurt, that I was unassailable and wouldn’t care, that being pretty and cool and athletic and popular actually were the things that mattered, and it made no difference if you were smart and right if you were also short and lonely and awkward—
—a wild, secret, narcissistic hope that I had morphed him in order to see his—
—a wave of self-loathing—
—what’s going on with the war—
—fucking Rachel, if you’re going to mindrape me, you might as well say something—
<Sorry,> I broke in, a stone dropping into the stream of consciousness. <I just—>
It was electric—like the insane, universe-shattering moment when I had dissolved into the minds of Erek and Alloran and Visser Three. Only, instead of a single, incomprehensible lightning strike, this was a continuous current—a fascinating, captivating, steady magnetic pull. I had known Marco for years, but it wasn’t until this moment that I’d realized what Marco was like.
<I have a confession to make,> I said, before I could lose my nerve. <And I figured I’d try it out on you, first.>
* * *
“I already know,” he said, a strange glint in his eyes, his expression cold and impenetrable.
It was the real Marco this time, sitting on the edge of the boulder, looking down at me. I’d gone searching for him as soon as I’d demorphed—had found him in what I now knew was his favorite spot in the valley.
“What? But—how—”
I broke off, an embarrassed flush spreading across my cheeks.
Of course.
Marco had my DNA, too.
“How long?” I asked, feeling a strange sense of distance as I looked up at him. I knew exactly how fast those thoughts ran—if he’d known all along, it meant that he’d already decided not to tell Jake and the others—
“As it happens, about half an hour,” he said. He continued to hold my gaze, letting the silence stretch out, giving nothing away. Waiting.
—for me to try to explain?
—for me to beg him not to tell?
—for my apology?
But he would have already heard all of those. From the other Rachel, the copy of me that lived inside him somewhere. Would have already heard, and considered, and made up his mind.
Was this a test, then? To see if I was still stupid? Still not able to think things through? Not able, as the other Marco had put it, to get out of my own fucking head for a minute?
“We’ve both already had this conversation once,” I said slowly. “So you already know that I know I screwed up. And I already know you think that’s not enough.”
Marco gave no answer, his expression still inscrutable. I knew what he was thinking, though, behind that rigidly controlled face—damn straight it’s not enough. Cassie’s parents are dead, and my Dad’s a Controller, and NONE OF THAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU’D USED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN FOR ONE GODDAMN SECOND—
“And you don’t care about anything I have to say,” I continued, “because stupid people promising not to be stupid is—it’s a promise they can’t keep. Because they can’t tell when they’re about to be stupid. Not in time to stop.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“So what this really boils down to is whether or not you think having me around helps us win. Whether you think I—whether you think I’m a liability. Whether telling Jake what I did will make us stronger or weaker, as a team—whether it’s better for him to have the full picture, or not. Whether I’ve actually—what, grown? Updated?—on the way I do things, since three weeks ago.”
“And?” he asked, after a long silence.
I took a deep breath. “And so I’m asking you for advice,” I said. “I need a second opinion, and you’re better at this stuff than me. What do you think I should do?”
The question hung in the air between us, thick and heavy and explosive. For nearly thirty seconds, Marco and I stared directly into each other’s eyes, with me trying to imagine what he was imagining about me, and him doing—whatever it was his brain does. I couldn’t even begin to guess.
“You know what the difference was, between that first night at the pool and these last two missions?” he asked suddenly.
I swallowed. “No,” I answered honestly. “I mean, there’s plenty—but I don’t know which bit you think is important.”
“We didn’t act like that first mission was safe,” he said. “It wasn’t safe, and we knew it, and Jake went in anyway. And then I followed him, even though it was stupid, and then you went in afterward even though that was stupid.”
I said nothing, because I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.
“And it was because—because—because—” He broke off, shook his head, and started over. “Jake went in there mad. He didn’t care if he got killed. He wasn’t thinking. And then I followed him because—”
Again, a pause. Again, a restart, this time with a tight grimace. “I didn’t care about anything except getting him out. I think, if I’d died doing it, I—it would have been okay. It would have been a good trade. I mean, not really, because God help us all if you guys had to run this little army without me, but—”
I nodded. I understood. “It would have felt okay,” I said, my voice thrumming as if I were about to break into tears. “Like, it wouldn’t have been right, but—but it would’ve been right.”
“Worth it,” Marco said, nodding back. “That’s the thing, right? Some missions, they’re worth it.”
“Like Elfangor,” I said, feeling my throat close up.
Maybe I would cry.
“Yeah,” Marco said slowly.
I noticed—something. A sudden distance, maybe, as if Marco had been drawing closer and closer and then had turned around at the last second. As if we’d been doing a paired gymnastics routine, and one of us had stumbled.
Was it Elfangor? Had I said something wrong?
“And the thing is,” Marco continued, “it hurts, sometimes, to think about which missions aren’t worth it. Like my dad. My dad, who’s already broken, who’s been messed up ever since my mom died, he’s been off in this private little nightmare world all alone, and I haven’t been able to help, and now he’s—”
He broke off for a third time, this time giving a nonchalant little shrug. “Whatever,” he said, the emotion suddenly gone from his voice. “It’s just shitty, you know? To realize that we could do it, probably, we could probably rescue my dad even though there’s a Bug fighter up there over my house, but it wouldn’t be worth the risk. Because right now, we’re more important than my dad. Me, Jake, Cassie, Tobias.” He made a strange face. “You. What we know, what we can do. You don’t sacrifice your queen for a pawn.”
Pressing both of his hands against the boulder, he leaned forward and slid off, dropping down to the ground, his feet crunching against the dead leaves and twigs. Straightening, he looked up at me—actually up, his head almost a foot lower than mine even with the gentle slope of the hill.
“You sacrifice your queen for a queen, though,” he said. “What Tidwell came up with, this morning—I’m pretty sure I can turn it into a plan. A real plan, one that can actually work. But.”
He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as he sized me up. “But it isn’t safe. Not by a long shot. Way I figure it, we get something like a 50% chance of taking out the pool. Whole thing, top to bottom. Maybe we even manage to steal the shield while we’re at it.”
He paused for a single heartbeat, spoke the next words in a light and casual tone. “But we also get like a 90% chance of at least one of us dying. And from where I’m standing, the person we can most afford to lose is you.”
* * *
“There’s never going to be a better moment,” I pointed out. “Right now, they don’t know about Ax, they don’t know about storing things in morph, they don’t know about using thought-speak as a weapon, they don’t know that there’s a weakness in the bio-filter—”
“A possible weakness,” Jake corrected, his voice tight. “If Marco’s right. And that’s assuming they don’t gun you down at the door, or just stun you and put Illim in stasis right there—”
“It’s already almost impossible,” I said, cutting him off. “And it’s only going to get worse as they figure more and more stuff out. They didn’t even have codes a year ago—how do you think they came up with that password scheme? The more humans we let them take, the harder it’s going to get to turn this thing around. This is worth it.”
“Nothing’s worth losing one of us. There are only seven of us, against all of them.”
“Tobias is out there,” Marco reminded him. “We have the blue box—we can recruit. We can’t fight a war if we’re not willing to take risks.”
Jake didn’t like it. Cassie really didn’t like it. But together, Marco and I talked them down—talked them into it.
The rest of the day was a whirlwind of preparation. I wrote three letters—to Sara, Jordan, and my mom, explaining. I convinced Cassie to deliver them, if anything terrible happened.
“The Yeerks already know we’re human,” I said. “They’re staking out our houses. It won’t hurt anything.”
She agreed, giving me a strange look as she took the three small scraps of paper. I had the feeling there was something she wasn’t saying—maybe several somethings—but I didn’t ask. There wasn’t time.
Marco, Ax, and Garrett left to get the sodium at sundown, along with a handful of materials Tidwell had specified. He wasn’t much of a demolitions expert, but he’d picked up a few tricks here and there, and he knew a way to create a slow-permeable membrane—to set up a kind of fuse, so that it would take the water a few minutes to soak through to the metal inside. With luck, that would give Garrett the time he needed to get out of the pool and get clear.
There was a painful half-hour where Jake insisted on having a stilted, uneven conversation that never quite got to the point. Eventually, I figured out what he wanted, and put it to him directly.
“You’re trying to figure out if I’ll let you acquire me, right? In case I die?”
I didn’t think there was much of a chance that anybody would be able to resurrect me out of a temporary morph, but it didn’t cost me anything, so I shrugged and let him do it. For a brief moment, I worried about him pulling the memory trick and digging through my head, but that wasn’t really Jake’s style. I went ahead and acquired him back, just to make the whole thing feel less awkward, but I didn’t bother morphing into him. Jake wasn’t like Marco—if he had something to say, he’d say it to your face.
I did go ahead and morph into Marco’s body again—that night, in my hut, after everyone else went to sleep. I didn’t unlock his consciousness, just played around with being a boy for a while. It was strange—I wasn’t scared, exactly, but I was very, extremely, completely aware that it might be my last night on Earth. I didn’t want to miss out on my last chance for a unique experience, though even in the dark my cheeks burned when I thought about what Marco would say if he ever found out.
If I did live—
No, I thought to myself. No hopes, no promises. The mission, first.
I hadn’t realized just how much the guilt had been weighing on me—how different it would feel, to suddenly have a shot at redemption. Unable to sleep, I morphed into the barn owl—the same one Marco had used to keep watch on the mission the night before—and spiraled up into the sky.
It was a clear, beautiful night, with the sliver of moon outlining the mountains and the lights of the city sparkling and shimmering as the earth bled heat into the atmosphere. I drifted through the air for an hour, stopping to peer into the windows of my mom’s house.
They were asleep—my mom in her room, my sisters in their bunk beds. Their faces were calm and relaxed, with no sign of the struggle that would be raging in each of their heads. There was no alien technology littering the house—no guns, no maps—just the tiny blinking light of a tracker on each wrist.
None of them would be at the pool tomorrow. I had made a point of keeping track of their feeding schedule, and they had all visited earlier, in the afternoon, right around the time that Marco and I had been morphing into each other.
I wanted to say goodbye—could feel the words forming in the back of my mind, the impulse to speak. But I ignored it. Never again.
The others were still gone when I returned to the valley. Demorphing, I rolled back into bed, mixing in a few hours of restless sleep with my tossing and turning.
And then it was morning. I awoke to the smell of bacon—courtesy of Erek—cooking on a pan over the campfire. Marco, Ax, Garrett, and Tidwell were off in a corner of the field, unpacking the chunks of sodium one by one and carefully sealing them up in foam containers. Jake was doing the cooking—he muttered something under his breath and didn’t look me in the eye—which left Cassie to talk to as I ate my breakfast scramble.
“Are you okay with this?” I asked haltingly, after a minute of silence.
“With what?”
I shrugged. “If this works, a lot of people are going to die.”
“I’m not some unrealistic hippie, you know.”
I winced. “Sorry. I do know. I guess it’s just—”
“What?”
It’s just that we’ve got to keep your conscience alive, since none of the rest of us seem to have one. “Nothing,” I said. “Sorry.”
We each chewed quietly for a moment. Then Cassie spoke.
“I volunteered to beat you up,” she said. “After you morph. When we have to make it look like you’ve been in a car accident.”
I blinked. “Um,” I said.
“Don’t worry, I won’t make it too bad. Can’t have too many fresh cuts, after all, when you’re supposed to have had three days to heal.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. Cassie and I had been best friends for years, but in the past few weeks—
—since you got her parents killed—
—we hadn’t really talked much at all.
Was it possible to drift apart that quickly? I certainly couldn’t remember ever feeling quite this awkward around Cassie before.
But then again, our talks had usually been about horse tranquilizers, or Social Studies quizzes, or my occasional attempts to get her to dress in something other than overalls. We didn’t exactly have a lot of practice with last-meals-before-execution, or what to do with the fate of the world.
“Cassie,” I began. “Your parents—”
“Not your fault,” she said, the words sounding practiced and tired. “If anybody’s to blame, it’s me. I could’ve stayed to fight for my mother. Could’ve knocked her out before she called in my dad. Could’ve made one of you go with me to the Gardens in the first place. Plenty of things I could have done different. Done better.”
I winced again, my breakfast sitting like lead in my stomach. “We’re going to make them pay,” I said quietly.
“Oh, not you, too,” Cassie grumbled. “Come on—do you really believe that killing a whole bunch of them makes up for them killing a whole bunch of us? Do you think it’s going to make me feel any better at all?”
“Yes,” I said, softening the word with a shrug. “I do. I think you don’t want it to make you feel better, but I think it will. They’re bad guys. You don’t have to feel guilty about it.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “No,” she said. “I still do. Because it’s not their fault. Don’t you see? Their whole species—this is how they live. It’s all they know. It’s the only way they get to see, to hear, to smell, to taste. Elfangor—I asked him a little more about it, and he said, the first time they realized it wasn’t the Gedds—that the Gedds weren’t even intelligent, that it was those little slugs in the pools—”
She paused, and shook her head. “They’re stuck in those pools their whole lives. Their whole lives, except the one or two lucky ones who manage to grab a passing, stupid animal. And then even then, they only get three days before they have to give up—let go and drop back into the pool to feed, and who knows when they’ll get another chance? Some pools have a million Yeerks in them.”
She fixed me with a steady, searching look. “You going to tell me that you wouldn’t try to get out?” she asked. “That you wouldn’t push back? Fight? Maybe even do a little enslaving? If nobody had ever told you about equality, and freedom, and justice?”
“Even if they hadn’t heard of that stuff before,” I pointed out, “they’ve heard of it now. They could stop. But they don’t. They keep going, even though every single host is screaming.”
“We kept going for hundreds of years,” Cassie countered. “Hundreds of years of slavery. Built up all kinds of stories about how it was God’s will, how it was the natural state of things, how—how—how the black man was inferior, how he was happier with all that responsibility taken off his shoulders.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and—not for the first time—I wondered about her family’s history, and about why I felt like I couldn’t ask.
“I don’t want to write off a whole species, just because they’re a couple of hundred years behind us on the learning curve,” she said, her voice sounding firmer and more confident as she went on. “I don’t want to write off a whole species just because they haven’t figured it out in the two years since they discovered that there was anybody different out there at all.”
“I don’t, either,” I said, wondering as I did whether it was true or not. “But I’m not willing to sacrifice our whole species while they figure it out.”
She shrugged. “Problem is, it’s not our species and their species. It’s just people. Each and every individual person, each making their own choice. They think they can get what they want through slavery. You think you can get what you want by killing. I think—I don’t know what I want, but it’s not this.”
She fell silent, and together we chewed our food, side by side in the corner of the little clearing. I watched her out of the corner of my eye, teetering on the edge of telling her—of confessing, of throwing myself on her mercy—
“Thing is,” she said, so softly I could barely hear. “Maybe I’m glad they’re gone. Because deep down, I think we haven’t—I think things are going to get a lot worse.”
Straightening, she looked down at me. “Good luck, Rachel,” she said.
And then she turned and walked away.
* * *
When Illim took control, I didn’t feel fear. I didn’t feel anger. I didn’t feel frustration or helplessness or relief.
Instead, I felt—taut. Like an arrow on the draw. A tiger, ready to spring. A boulder, just barely balanced at the top of a cliff.
There had been too much talk. I wanted to act, and the plan was finally, finally in motion.
“Illim,” Jake said, his voice cold and formal. My eyes darted toward him without my input, and I felt a vague mental pressure as Illim scrambled around inside Aaron Tidwell’s clone-copy brain and found nothing—no memories except the past ten minutes, during which a bear had gently battered his face and body.
“There was a malfunction in your stasis cylinder,” Jake continued. “It occurred overnight, and we didn’t notice it until now.”
Lies, of course. Ax had carefully drained the power, using the sensors on the side to track the health of the slug within.
“You must already be starving.”
“What is this?” Illim cried, using my voice—Tidwell’s voice. “This body—what—”
“We have decided to spare your life, Yeerk,” Jake said, allowing a hint of haughtiness to creep into his tone. “You are inside of a morph—one of our commandos, wearing a copy of your old host’s body.”
I felt the clawing-searching sensation again as Illim dug through Tidwell’s mind, blocked at every turn by the morphing tech’s control system—the protocols that were keeping the human brain dormant and obedient. “This body—it—”
“You are in control,” Jake said simply. “Our commando couldn’t take over if she tried.” He nodded, and—as planned—I gave a mental heave, struggled to dislodge Illim’s grip on our shared mind. There was a moment in which it almost seemed to work, and I felt Tidwell’s right hand curl into a fist. But then the Yeerk buckled down, forcing me back into submission.
“The body has no memories because it is only ten minutes old. It is damaged to lend credibility to your story.”
“What story?”
Jake shrugged. “Whatever story allows you to return to your pool. Our commando volunteered to deliver you there, as long as you make every effort to preserve the secret of her identity.” He leaned in, his eyes somehow empty and soulless—looking nothing like Jake’s at all. “You should note that you have absolutely no control over her morphing power,” he added darkly. “She can demorph at will, and if she does—well.” He smiled—a cold, mirthless twisting of the lips. “You get to see what Z-space is like, firsthand.”
We had timed it as exactly as we could. By Ax’s estimate, Illim had barely an hour left to live—if it refused to cooperate, or if it turned out our assumptions about control were wrong, Marco would stun me from behind and I would demorph after it died.
If it played along instead—
“You have about one hour to make your way back to the pool,” Jake said. “To talk your way inside. I believe your passwords are out of date, and your superiors think you’re either captured or dead. They’ll be suspicious. You’ll have to be quite convincing.”
“Why—”
“Tick tock, Illim. Time’s running out. Do you really want to spend the last minutes of your life asking irrelevant questions?”
He turned, stepping out of the way to reveal that the trail we were standing on ended just a few hundred feet away, emerging into a parking lot on the edge of town. There was a brief, horrible moment of hesitation, in which it seemed that Illim would stop and think and the whole house of cards would come tumbling down.
But then I felt my body shudder as a spasm of whatever pain the Yeerk was feeling tore through our head. We stumbled, and when we climbed back to our feet, we were running.
<You,> Illim said, the voice echoing across my thoughts. <Are you there? Can you hear me?>
<Yes,> I answered, as we burst out of the trees and into the sunlight.
<Which way?>
Illim’s voice was tight with fear and desperation, and I felt its control relax enough for me to point. Without a moment’s hesitation, it spurred our body back into motion, our shoes slapping loudly as we ran down the asphalt.
<You may want to slow down,> I cautioned. <We’re several miles away, and you should pace yourself.>
<No!> Illim shouted. <This body is a spare! You’ll just regenerate it! If we don’t make it to the pool, I will die!>
I could feel the results of the Yeerk’s efforts—the way that blood pumped more freely, adrenaline trickling out in a steady stream, the heart and lungs working together at exactly maximum output.
<Why?> it demanded, <Why are you doing this? If you wanted me to live, why not deliver me in the cylinder?>
<The cylinder was completely broken,> I said. <It would’ve killed you to keep you in it. This was the only way.>
<But why?> Illim shouted. <Why—ahhhhh—why did you not just kill me? Why this—this torture—>
<Torture? I’m saving your life.>
<You’re after something! You’re trying to—to infiltrate—to sabotage—>
<Do you see any weapons?> I asked. <Notice anything that could pose even the tiniest threat to your stupid pool? I’m not like you. I’m trying to be nice.>
<Others—hhggggrrrr, no—buried in my skin, my hair—insects—>
<Bio-filter, remember?>
The conversation continued as we ran, Illim driving Tidwell’s body harder than I thought possible as it searched for the motive, the lie. I stuck to the story, refusing to give detail, answering most of its questions with the mental equivalent of a shrug.
Occasionally, the hunger pangs would be so intense that they would cause us to trip, to stumble. Once, it happened just as we were crossing over a curb, and the resulting fall knocked out two of Tidwell’s teeth and broke our nose. But the Yeerk simply shut down the pain signals and hoisted us to our feet, driving us forward even faster.
<I need a phone—a comm—>
<We’re only three-quarters of a mile out. You might as well run—by the time they pinpoint your location, you could have already made it.>
<Nnnnggggggggaauuhhh! How do I know that you—>
<Fine. Don’t believe me. Go ahead and die. In fact, why don’t I demorph right n—>
<No!>
We were getting closer—close enough that the streets were starting to fill with people, Controllers on their way to or from the pool. A few of them gaped at us as we ran by, blood streaming freely down Tidwell’s face. “Illim!” the Yeerk cried out. “Emergency! Illim! Do not interfere!”
<Got a good story planned?> I asked. <It would be a shame to keel over in the lobby.>
<I was—tsssssssss! I was seized by Andalites! Held in the woods! I barely escaped—I don’t know how!>
<How will they know you’re not an impostor?>
<There are passwords, you idiot! And the bio-filter.>
<And how do I know you won’t betray me?>
<I am dying! I don’t have time for revenge games!>
Rounding a corner, I/we saw the low, squat façade of the YMCA, less than a quarter of a mile away. I felt Illim trying to squeeze another drop of speed out of Tidwell’s body, but we were already running as fast as we could, his heart pumping dangerously fast, his breath a ragged whistle.
I didn’t dare trying to thought-speak out loud, but I knew the others were there, somewhere—in the trees, or up above, Jake and Cassie and Marco, paralleling me on three sides. In a moment, they would peel off, so as not to alert the pool and make the irregular situation even more suspicious.
It was laughable—a dream, a hope, a hail-Mary—a terrible plan, made barely possible by the addition of two critical factors:
Illim wanted to live.
And I was willing to die.
“Help!” Tidwell’s voice cried, as we neared the door. “Help! Cirrus, Socrates, particle, decibel, Visser! I’m dying!”
We reached for the handle, just barely avoiding a final tumble on the last stair, and yanked open the door. “Cirrus!” Illim repeated. “Socrates, particle, decibel, Visser! Let me in, I’m dying!”
Behind the desk, the young attendant’s eyes had narrowed. She was already in motion, slapping a hand down on a hidden button behind the counter and drawing a gun as she rose smoothly to her feet.
“No!” Illim shouted, staggering to a halt, holding both of Tidwell’s hands up in front. “Please! Cirrus, Socrates, particle, decibel, Visser! I’m part of the Bastion group—I was captured—escaped—please, I’m starving, I don’t have much time—”
“Control,” said the attendant, her voice steady. “Orders?”
Illim continued to beg as the attendant cocked her head, listening to something we couldn’t hear. “Strip,” she commanded, gesturing with the gun.
Exhausted, bleeding, barely able to stand—somehow, Illim managed to force Tidwell’s limbs into motion, tugging our sweat-soaked clothes over our head and off of our sweaty legs. “Cirrus,” it said weakly, turning in a circle, arms still raised. “Socrates, particle, decibel, Visser. I’m not an Andalite, I’m a Yeerk, please. The fugue—it’s already started—”
The attendant’s eyes widened, and something like sympathy flickered across her face. “Control,” she said again. “Seems clear. Front door secure—I can see Urdash’s squad through the glass—”
She broke off abruptly, again seeming to listen, and then nodded. “Roger.” She pointed at the door. “Go!”
Illim didn’t wait to be told twice. We darted forward as the attendant bent over the desk, keying in a code before pressing the buzzer. Ripping open the door, we stumbled inside and began to run again.
I could only catch glimpses as we lumbered down the hallway, Illim still firmly in control of our head and eyes. But from what I saw, the interior of the building had been completely rearranged. Where before there had been basketball courts and arts-and-crafts rooms, the doors now opened onto huge, bustling labs and manufactories, with dozens of small, orange, eight-limbed aliens skittering across tables and desks and piles of unfinished machinery. I caught a glimpse of what looked like a half-built Bug fighter, and then in the next room, a series of tall, cylindrical tanks filled with bubbling green liquid.
Reaching the stairwell, we half-ran, half-fell down the steps, passing another set of doors which opened onto a barracks room stuffed completely full of Hork-Bajir. Bursting through the door into the basement hallway, we ran straight into a squad of eight armed men wearing riot gear.
“Cirrus!” shouted Illim once again, Tidwell’s voice going hoarse. “Socrates—”
“We know,” snapped one of the men. “Explain.”
“I can’t,” Illim groaned. “The fugue, the fugue—please, I have only minutes—”
The men exchanged glances, and a low keening groan tore its way out of Tidwell’s throat as his limbs began to twitch. Sagging, we fell against one of the men and were lifted bodily by three others.
“To the bio-filter,” the first man said.
Moving with smooth efficiency, the group carried us over to the pool entryway. It, too, had been changed, the doors built outward into the hallway and reinforced with thick, shiny metal. Sliding them open, the squad dumped us unceremoniously inside.
It was like an airlock, about six feet on a side, the walls covered in tiny holes and painted a dull, angry red. We sat motionless for maybe ten seconds, our chest heaving, until we heard a small chime and the inner set of doors swung open.
Should I demorph now?
No—Illim will notice, sound the alarm.
A second squad of men were waiting just inside, four of them with arms free while the other four stood further back, their weapons trained on the airlock. The first group heaved us up, dragging us over to the pier.
<Almost free, Yeerk. Will you return the favor?>
It was the moment of truth. If they stunned me now, I might never wake up in time. If they killed me—
“This body,” Illim gasped, as they held us horizontal, our head out over the water. “Don’t stun it. I ran—the heart—I think you’ll kill it, if you stun it.”
And then, with a final surge of gratitude, I felt the Yeerk dislodge—a strange sensation, like a thousand tiny Band-Aids being pulled off every fiber of my mind. There was pain, in my ear—pain like a drill, and then I heard a tiny plop as the slug dropped out and vanished beneath the surface.
They dumped me on the side of the pool, a cut-string puppet, alongside all the unconscious prisoners. I felt weak—nauseous—my heart still hammering through my chest, my limbs as dull and heavy as lead. It was a good thing that the next phase of the plan didn’t require me, because I couldn’t have gotten up if my life depended on it.
All right. Easy part’s over.
Forcing myself to focus, I began to demorph, straining with all my might to localize the change to just the tiniest patch of my body—the palm of my right hand. At first, nothing happened, and then came the familiar tingle, not just in my palm but across my whole right side—
—it’ll be enough, let it be enough—
—and then—
—like a chorus of angels—
<Garrett. Hello? Did we make it? Over.>
<Rachel, are we in?>
<Yes,> I thought wearily, feeling the tiniest tickle as the pair of bugs launched themselves away from my palm, where they had emerged from Z-space. <We’re in.>
Chapter 20: Chapter 17: Garrett
Notes:
A/N: Surprise medical emergency = surgery tomorrow morning = this update was somewhat accelerated and the next update may be more than two weeks away. I'm already working on it, but who knows whether I'll be able to make progress over the next fortnight. I am NOT intending to take a long hiatus until after the end of this cycle of chapters, though (we still have Cassie, Tobias, Ax, and Esplin, barring major character deaths or additions).
As always, please please pretty please share as many thoughts as you're willing to type out! I've read and enjoyed every comment on this story so far, as well as every bit of discussion and commentary over on r/rational. And of course, Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Chapter 17: Garrett
<Forty-nine, forty-eight, forty-seven, forty-six, forty-fi—>
There wasn’t any transition. One moment, MARCO’S voice was in my head, counting down as RACHEL absorbed us into her morph. The next moment, there was nothing.
No sound.
No light.
No sensation of any kind.
<Garrett,> I thought. I said my name first so that everybody could tell it was me—that was the rule, except when we were all sounding off. <Is anybody there? Over.>
Silence.
Not just silence as in very-quiet, but silence as in there-is-no-such-thing-as-sounds-or-ears-or-a-universe-and-you-are-alone. I once read a book that talked about a thing called PROPRIOCEPTION which is your body’s sense of where-it-is, things like how far your finger is away from your nose or whether or not your eyes are open and flies don’t have very good PROPRIOCEPTION but even so I could tell the difference between dark-quiet and nothing and this was nothing.
I had no body at all.
Except that wasn’t quite right, because I was still thinking and thinking has to happen on something, there has to be some kind of thing that is doing the thinking, so maybe it was better to say that I had no sense of having a body, which could mean that I didn’t have a body or that I had suffered some kind of paralyzing injury that had severed my nerve connections or that the morphing technology had malfunctioned or that I had just gone crazy and I was imagining things, but whether it was one of those or something else altogether I was still definitely ME.
Which actually probably meant that it wasn’t some kind of injury or craziness, because odds were that most things that would injure me that badly or make me that crazy would do something pretty drastic to my brain, too, and as far as I could tell my brain seemed to be working just fine. To test it, I decided to find the square root of 43716299, which was less than 49000000 and more than 36000000 which meant that the answer was between 6000 and 7000 and also 6500 squared was 42250000 and 6750 squared was 45562500 and after a few more seconds I had zigzagged all the way to 6611.8302 and then that was really really close so I stopped.
Then I decided to check my VERBAL CENTER so I took the word area and tried to turn it into chin by changing one letter at a time—
—aria—
—arid—
—grid—
—grit—
—gait—
—wait—
—wail—
—tail—
—toil—
—coil—
—coin—
—chin—
—and that was easy too so I decided that either my brain was working just fine or it was too broken to tell that it was broken and in any case it wasn’t going to do any good to worry about it, so I stopped.
For a second, I wasn’t thinking any thoughts at all, and the nothing started to remind me of the time TOBIAS and I went down into THE DARK to find THE GIANT SQUID, and I started to get scared, so I reminded myself that I was NOT AFRAID because I was THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THE RIGHT THING EVEN IF IT’S HARD, and that helped.
Okay, I thought to myself. Think it through.
I had been sitting on RACHEL’S hand in a fly body, next to AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL, and MARCO had been counting down while RACHEL morphed into MISTER TIDWELL so that she could get ILLIM to infest her to sneak us into THE POOL, and we’d been about halfway through the morph when everything went away—
And just like that, I had the answer, or at least a very good HYPOTHESIS, which was that when my fly body got sent off into Z-SPACE along with the rest of RACHEL, of course all of its senses got put on pause. But the fly body wasn’t where my brain was, it was just the input-output channel and my brain was somewhere else—in fact, my brain was on pause in its own little pocket dimension and my thoughts were probably running on some kind of ANDALITE EMULATOR TECHNOLOGY, and of course that hadn’t gone into stasis because why would it?
But without the fly body, it didn’t have any sort of connection with the real universe, and so I was stuck in some kind of interdimensional limbo, which wasn’t great but I guess it wasn’t the worst thing, as long as the signal came back when RACHEL came out of morph.
I wondered if AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL would figure out the same HYPOTHESIS, or if he’d come up with something totally different, or if he’d already known this was going to happen and hadn’t said anything, or if he would just get scared or angry or go crazy. We had staged the scene with ILLIM three miles away from THE POOL, and MISTER TIDWELL had said that he could run three miles in twenty-three minutes because he was a VETERAN, so assuming that it took RACHEL the normal amount of time to morph and demorph and that it would take no more than five minutes to convince ILLIM to go along with the plan and that it would take no more than ten minutes to convince the YEERKS to let us through, then we would only be cut off for forty minutes, which was probably not enough time to really lose it, sanity-wise.
But that was a lot of assumptions, and also there’s a rule called MURPHY’S LAW which says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and certainly none of us had anticipated this situation. MURPHY’S LAW is sort of a LIE, but it’s an interesting one because the more you believe it the less true it is and vice versa, so I believe it very hard most of the time, and so does TOBIAS and from what I can tell so does MARCO and maybe VISSER THREE.
I wondered for a minute if I was able to demorph, but I decided not to test it, partly because then I would be pouring a lot of mass into RACHEL’S pocket dimension—which would change her time limit, not to mention screwing up THE PLAN—and also partly because at the moment my mind was working, but if I demorphed I would be demorphing into a place where everything was in stasis, and since morphing takes concentration then at some point my mind would freeze and I wouldn’t be able to finish anyway.
In the end, there was nothing to do but settle in and wait. There was maybe a chance that the signal wouldn’t reconnect when RACHEL demorphed, and that this was where I would be stuck forever, but MISTER TIDWELL had been fine when MARCO morphed him away and anyway there wasn’t anything I could do about that, so instead I thought about TOBIAS and his mission to WASHINGTON, D.C. and whether or not it had been a good idea for him to go by himself and whether or not it was going well and whether or not he missed me.
Then I counted to ten thousand, which is something I’d always wanted to do, but every other time I’d tried it somebody had interrupted me or I’d fallen asleep.
Then I reviewed THE PLAN in my head.
I was halfway through trying to remember all of the first chapter of Ender’s Shadow when all of a sudden the universe came back—temperature, pressure, humidity, light, background noise. Just like before, the change happened all at once, with no warning and no sense of transition.
<Garrett. Hello?> I asked, keeping my thought-speak on a narrow, private band. <Did we make it? Over.>
I’m not at all sure how thought-speak knows where to go. I asked TOBIAS and AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL what they’re doing in their heads when they send out private thought-speak, and they gave very different answers that weren’t at all like what I do. TOBIAS said that he just focuses really hard on a sort of wanting, like how he wants JAKE or RACHEL or MARCO to be able to hear him. AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL said that with other ANDALITES he can sort of feel who’s nearby and reach out to them directly, like holding hands, but that HUMANS feel like rocks in his head and so he just sends messages like throwing darts, only sometimes the darts hurt the rocks and he’s had to practice to make his darts softer.
I don’t do either of those things. Instead, I have a little picture that represents the person I want to talk to, and I hold up the words beside the picture and that seems to work. My picture of RACHEL is long and gold and sharp, and my picture of AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL is low and blue and furry and wiggly and lonely, and I held both of those up and also I held up my empty picture of NO ONE ELSE just to be sure.
<Rachel, are we in? Over.>
That was AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL, who had forgotten the rule that we’re supposed to identify ourselves when we thought-speak except when it’s everybody sounding off, but I could tell it was him anyway because every word was clear-cut and very, very separate from the others.
<Yes,> said RACHEL, who usually thought with words that got very loud around the second letter before trailing off kind of quietly, like when people say bUllshit or mAke me. <We’re in.>
I had already taken off by the time she finished think-speaking. I needed to move quickly—I was holding all of the sodium that MARCO and AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL had been able to carry together, which was almost three hundred pounds which meant that me plus the sodium weighed three hundred seventy-five pounds plus or minus five pounds which was only a little bit lighter than ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL’S body which meant that my morph time was only a little over an hour which meant that if all of my assumptions about timing were right then I had at most twenty minutes left in morph.
My job was to find one of the piers that stretched out over the Yeerk pool and get underneath it and count to fifty to give AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL a head-start on finding the shield generator and then I was supposed to scream very loud for two seconds and then pause for two seconds and then scream again very loud for as long as I could but this time without including RACHEL or AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and while I was screaming I was supposed to drop down into the pool and demorph where none of the CONTROLLERS could see me. I had taken thirty-six very deep breaths before I started my morph and I had filled my lungs all the way up right before they disappeared so I was pretty sure I could do the whole morph underwater but again MURPHY’S LAW.
It was very important that I only wait fifty seconds instead of just waiting however long it took AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL to find the shield generator, because he might not be able to find it at all and meanwhile RACHEL was going to be the center of a lot of attention and the sooner I started my distraction the better. She was supposed to be right next to the pool and so far she hadn’t said anything about not being right next to the pool, so our plan where my first scream would draw the CONTROLLERS’ attention away from her and then my second scream would keep them distracted long enough for her to drop into the water was probably still a good one.
<I believe I am on the ceiling,> said AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL, still forgetting the rule about identifying himself. <I am attempting to reorient. It is very difficult to sense my surroundings in this body. Over.>
<Stay high as much as you can,> reminded RACHEL, who also wasn’t following the rule. I wondered for a moment whether maybe I shouldn’t follow it either and whether it was like the rule about no talking after lights out which was a LIE and just for show, or whether it was like the rule about doing exercise so you don’t have a heart attack and die which people really believe but aren’t very good at following for some reason. <They’ve set up this place to be completely bug-proof. If they see a fly, they’ll go nuts. Over.>
The reminder wasn’t aimed at me, but it made sense and I’d sort of forgotten, so I aimed myself upward until the air around me was only vibrating, not really moving the way it did around HEADS and HANDS and people walking and breathing. The fly brain liked it when the air was still and quiet because it meant less danger, and I liked it because up there the smells weren’t complicated and swirling around and so it was much easier to find the wet swampy smell that meant FOOD to the fly brain and TARGET to me.
It was a lot harder than usual to keep track of where I was and where I’d been in the fly body, which could go up and down and sideways and backwards and couldn’t exactly see all that well, but it wasn’t that much harder than it had been down in THE DARK after TOBIAS and I had fought THE GIANT SQUID. I’d forgotten to ask where exactly the piers were supposed to be, but I knew there were two of them and I didn’t want to distract RACHEL because she was in a compromised position, so once I got out over the water where the CONTROLLERS couldn’t see me I dropped down close to the surface and zigzagged back and forth until I found the edges of the pool and then used that to navigate to the center and then started to fly diagonally toward the corner on the side that seemed like it maybe had the most sounds and smells coming from it. I figured that the piers were probably sticking out of the longer side of the rectangle and were probably long enough that a diagonal path would take me right to them, but if I was wrong then once I got to the corner I could travel along the short side and that should work too.
<I could not find the entrance to the control room using this body’s senses,> said AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL, still forgetting the rule about identifying himself. <But I believe I have found a suitable place to demorph. Garrett, I will wait until your signal, in case there is surveillance. Over.>
I wanted to answer but I didn’t have anything meaningful to add, so I just said <Roger> which is an answer that doesn’t need you to identify yourself or say over because you only ever use it when there’s COMMON KNOWLEDGE about who’s talking to who and when you don’t want to say anything else anyway, although even with those rules it would get confusing pretty fast if we ever decided to go back to OAK LANDING and recruit ROGER CARSON who is two years older than me and owes TOBIAS a DOLLAR.
The vibrations and air currents were getting stronger in front of me, and I thought I could detect a soft, regular pounding like footsteps even though I was still only two-thirds of the way to the corner and out over the water, so I made a hypothesis that I was almost at the pier which was sort-of proved when my crazy fly eyes started picking up a kind of gray blur above and in front of me and definitely proved when SOMETHING BIG fell past me and splashed into the water. It was a good thing the fly body was so good at dodging because the thing that fell into the water, which I guess was a YEERK, was maybe ten thousand times heavier than me and any one of the droplets which flew up into the air could have knocked me out of the sky. That wouldn’t have been too bad, I guess, since I was going to have to get into the water soon anyway, but I wanted to be under the pier when I did it so that there was less of a chance of one of the CONTROLLERS shooting me while I demorphed.
<Garrett,> I thought, holding up my pictures of RACHEL and AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL. <I’m at the pier, over.>
Swooping into the slightly-darker-and-quieter space between the metal and the water, I latched onto something hard and let my wings rest, unable to stop the fly body from spitting and rubbing its hands together. I was going to start counting to fifty, but then I decided that didn’t make sense anymore since AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL didn’t need extra time and RACHEL was still in danger. I checked in with them both, and then braced myself, holding up a picture of a sphere three hundred meters across whose volume of one hundred thirteen million, ninety-seven thousand, three hundred thirty-five point five three cubic meters was completely filled up so that the thought-speak would know to go to EVERYBODY.
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,> I broadcast, for as close to two seconds as I could manage.
When TOBIAS and I were down in THE DARK with THE GIANT SQUID, I had sort-of-accidentally-on-purpose discovered that we could use thought-speak as a weapon, like how parents who lift cars off of their children really are trying to lift cars off of their children but probably aren’t expecting it to actually work. All of the others had tried it, too, but only AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL was able to do it, and even he couldn’t do it half as well as I could or for as long as I could.
TOBIAS said it was a superpower, like JAKE understanding people or CASSIE being the best morpher, and he held up his hand with the scar that means we are TRUE FRIENDS. But he was wrong because the screaming isn’t a superpower any more than being good with numbers or having a mental map or being able to hear the difference between other people’s thought-speak is a superpower. I maybe have a superpower but it’s just one superpower, not four of them, and it’s not particularly interesting or special because it’s just that when I’m doing something hard I use all of my head to do it instead of getting lazy or distracted the way most people do.
I held up my sphere-picture again, this time with two small holes in it shaped like RACHEL and AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL.
<EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—>
I kept on thought-screaming as I demorphed, right up until the moment that I felt the little hiccup that was the morphing tech handing my mind back over to my real brain, which was usually more or less halfway. I was getting pretty big at that point, but I was pretty sure that none of the CONTROLLERS would have seen me yet, because all of them would have been pretty incapacitated by forty-five seconds of brain-not-working. For a second, I wondered if it had been a mistake to do my thought-scream to EVERYBODY, since that would include all of the CONTROLLERS in the building and a lot of the ones on the street and maybe even all of the ones down underground doing the digging which meant it would be pretty obvious where the scream was coming from, if you were outside and paying attention, and at the center was ME and I didn’t particularly want to get shot. But then I remembered the shield and decided that it wasn’t very likely even given that the YEERKS were probably actually paying very very close attention.
<All activity within the building seems to have stopped,> said AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL, still forgetting the rule about identifying himself. <Many of the Controllers I can see are unconscious, and the rest are visibly incapacitated.> There was a long pause, almost long enough that I thought he’d forgotten to say over, too, but then he continued. <It appears that we drastically underestimated the offensive power of thought-speak against species that do not have the eib. This is an area worth exploring, in the future. Over.>
I didn’t respond, because by that point I was almost fully human, the foam-wrapped chunks of sodium popping out of my skin and falling off like some sort of time-lapse video of apples ripening on a tree. RACHEL had thought that there might be some danger of the sodium reacting with the water mid-morph, but MARCO pointed out that none of us had started bleeding during the morphing process which meant that there was probably already some kind of CONTAINMENT FIELD keeping everything sane.
Along with the sodium came the earplugs, headphones, and helmet that I’d worn as protection against the YEERKS, and the Dracon beam I’d brought with me as protection against the CONTROLLERS. But as my eyes finally un-segmented and the world came back into focus, I saw that even the pool had gone quiet, the surface still and unbroken except by the ripples coming from me and from RACHEL.
RACHEL was clinging to the edge of the pool, her own Dracon beam out and firing at low power, pouring stun bolts into every CONTROLLER she could see. “Bombs away?” she called between blasts, her voice carrying easily across the distance between us but still hard to hear because all of the things I had protecting my ears.
“Yeah,” I answered, pulling off the helmet and headphones and dropping them into the water. “Clock’s ticking. Are we still morphing in the water?”
According to MISTER TIDWELL, the foam canisters he’d assembled around the chunks of sodium should last for at least two and a half minutes, which had felt like the right balance between slow-enough-to-not-kill-us and fast-enough-that-the-YEERKS-couldn’t-do-anything-about-it, especially since there were dozens of them. That also meant that Rachel and I had somewhere between one hundred and maybe one hundred thirty seconds before the first of them started to explode, which meant that we had somewhere between ten and forty seconds to start morphing if we wanted to finish morphing before any of the explosions happened, assuming MURPHY’S LAW didn’t have anything to do with it.
In the original version of the plan, we’d thought that the room might very well be full of CONTROLLERS who were shooting at us and also we’d thought that even with all of that sodium, probably not all of the water was going to explode or burn away and water is a very good insulator so even though the odds weren’t great we’d planned on doing our second morph without getting out of the pool. This had been what MARCO called a BAD PLAN but I was NOT AFRAID because I am THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THE RIGHT THING EVEN IF IT’S HARD and right now the right thing was to DESTROY THE YEERK POOL and if that meant dying then I was not happy to die but at least I was okay with it and TOBIAS would be proud of me.
“How hot did Cassie say they could stand?” she asked, as I dug the earplugs out of my ears and dropped them into the water as well.
“One hundred fifty degrees C,” I called back. I reached up for the edge of the pier, making sure that I could haul myself out if I had to. If RACHEL didn’t make a decision within the next ten seconds, I decided, I would make a decision for myself, and the decision would be not to be right next to all of the things that were about to explode but instead maybe to be outside of the building entirely or wherever AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL was. “The explosions can get as hot as eleven hundred C,” I added, trying to be helpful.
Fortunately RACHEL is not the type of person who wastes a lot of time when she makes decisions, and there were over two seconds left out of the original ten when she said “Out” and hauled herself out of the water, still firing stun bursts left and right even though by this point she’d pretty much shot everybody who hadn’t already been unconscious which according to AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL wasn’t many.
I climbed up onto the pier and ran back toward the shore, stepping over two HORK-BAJIR who had fallen over but not fallen all the way into the water. For a moment I thought that RACHEL might be heading for one of the doors, but then I saw that she was simply heading for the corner of the room that was furthest away from the pool and partially protected by a storage shed, which was good because one of the doors led down to where JAKE got eaten which was DANGEROUS and one of the doors led outside but was welded shut and one of the doors led back up to the rest of the building but it had a BIO-FILTER on it and the other two doors led to UNCHARTED TERRITORY. It was going to get to eleven hundred C right by the water but with that much distance we would maybe be safe, especially if the ventilation system wasn’t very good and the fire ate up all the oxygen before things got too hot.
As near as I could tell, we were already over a minute and a half past the moment when the first sodium canister had dropped off me by the time we actually started our second morph. And sure enough, we were only a third of the way through when we heard a FTHP and a HSSS and then a very loud BOOM followed by a series of CRACKLES and then several more BOOMS until soon enough the whole thing was just one ongoing VERY LOUD NOISE and there was light that was so bright that I had to squeeze my eyes shut even behind the storage shed and keep them shut until they morphed away along with my ears and by that point I couldn’t really sense anything except the feeling of falling in slow motion as my body grew smaller and smaller and smaller into the smallest shape I’d been yet.
CASSIE loves animals and knows a lot about them compared to the rest of us, which is why we go to her when we need to do something that is particularly tricky for humans, and even if she doesn’t always know how to get the right animal she almost always knows which animal we want. In this case, what we wanted was an animal that was small enough to avoid notice and tough enough that it wouldn’t mind if it got a little crushed and also as fireproof as possible to whatever extent fireproof was a thing-an-animal-might-be. And we’d thought that maybe there weren’t any animals like that and this was just going to be a suicide mission, but then CASSIE had said that she knew just the thing and not only that but we could also probably find it right there in the valley if we were willing to spend a few hours looking very closely at different patches of moss.
And so we still had problems, we definitely had problems, we were going to have a very hard time escaping if the building collapsed on us but at least we would probably make it through the initial fireball because TARDIGRADES are some of the toughest creatures on the planet or as MARCO says they absolutely just do not give a FUCK.
Chapter 21: Chapter 18: Cassie
Notes:
Author's Note: I pushed to get this one out *almost* on time, but I'm still in recovery and can't promise that the next update will be in exactly two weeks. I CAN promise that I'm thinking about it, and working on it, and that I don't plan on a long hiatus until the end of this cycle. But I hope you can bear with me in the meantime.
Oh, and I hope you'll leave some reviews, or head over to r/rational and leave some comments. Your thoughts keep me going, and for this chapter in particular I'm curious what my readers have to say. In many ways, Cassie is the most interesting and difficult character for me to write, and I'm always nervous about whether or not I did her justice.
Chapter Text
Chapter 18: Cassie
I could see the exact moment when everyone stopped pretending.
<Holy shit,> whispered Marco, as the ten or so people closest to the YMCA staggered to a halt, clutching their heads or screaming or just falling over twitching. There was one car on the road within the bubble, and it swerved crazily, careening into the steep, narrow ditch and belching black smoke. A second car passed right through, drifting ominously to one side before straightening out, screeching to a halt a hundred yards down the road. In the parking lot, a truck that was just pulling out of its space lurched forward and smashed into a post, its airbags expanding to hide the driver from view.
We were silent, the three of us, except for Marco’s one whispered curse. Silent, as a pair of pedestrians rushed forward to help those who’d already collapsed, only to stumble and fall themselves as they passed into the affected area. Silent, as a teenager pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it up as if to take a video, and silent as an elderly woman hobbled up from behind him and clubbed him with her cane, her expression hunted and desperate. Silent, as a siren began to wail in the distance, followed quickly by another, and another, and another, until it seemed like the whole city was screaming.
What was there to say?
We knew what we were doing.
Above me, Jake wheeled and dove, his peregrine falcon body slicing through the air like a missile, with Marco’s osprey close on his tail. I folded my wings and followed them both, angling toward the treetops on the far side of the park—close enough to see, with bird-of-prey vision, but far enough away that the Bug fighters hopefully wouldn’t bother trying to gun us down.
We waited for an endless minute, watching from afar as the Yeerk hologram continued to loop, showing the same laughs, the same splashes, the same set of people walking and swimming and diving and chatting. I wondered whether they’d recorded normal humans, or whether the whole thing had been a charade, a nightmare puppet show of slaves forced to act happy and carefree. I tried to summon anger, indignation, fury.
But all I felt was sick.
<Look,> said a voice. Jake. Marco. It didn’t seem to matter.
I was already looking. There were streams of jet-black smoke coming off of the building, appearing out of thin air as they cleared the holograms a few feet above the roof. Down below, a chubby boy stepped out onto the diving board—leapt out into space—flailed—landed on his belly with a smack I imagined I could hear even half a mile away. I watched the water from the splash sparkle in midair, the artificial droplets catching artificial light as reality burned invisibly behind them.
<They did it,> said a voice.
It might have been the same voice. I couldn’t tell.
The streams of smoke were growing thicker, braiding together into a single column that billowed and rose, drifting lazily in the morning breeze. A fire truck screeched into view, rocking to a halt beside the hydrant, disgorging half a dozen Controllers dressed in bright yellow gear. There were two more engines already in sight, along with four ambulances and more police cars than I could count.
Eventually, the holograms around the windows began to fail—first one, then another—bits and pieces of the underlying truth showing through until finally the entire scene was laid bare. That’s when they turned on the hoses—figuring, I guess, that if the holograms were down, the shield might be, too. But no—the water simply spread out in midair, streaming down the invisible surface of the stolen Andalite force field. A handful of EMTs were clustered around each of the Controllers who’d collapsed from Garrett’s thought-scream, and as far as I could see, none of them had gotten back up yet.
There was frustration written on every face—helplessness, despair, rage, shock. Slowly, the Controllers gathered—first a few, then dozens, more of them streaming in from all sides, coming in cars or on bikes or on foot. We watched as some of them ran past beneath us, not bothering to look up, their eyes fixed on the ultimate horror, the unthinkable disaster.
And then—
They could have noticed. They should have noticed—would almost certainly have put two and two together, if it hadn’t been for the water. One moment it was a fountain, flowing down the sides of the bubble, and the next it was mist, the streams falling directly onto the building as the barrier disappeared. With a wordless cry, the crowd rushed forward, firefighters and police and EMTs and random people off of the street, all of them moved by courage or loyalty or heroism or whatever the Yeerk equivalent was—all of them trying to help.
None of them saw that the smoke had stopped rising. That it was flattening, darkening, the space above the rooftop becoming more and more defined as soot and ash piled up with nowhere to go.
Ax had inverted the shield.
<Okay. Let’s gear up,> said the voice. Half-nauseated, half-numb, I dropped toward the ground like a stone, plummeting into the brush at the base of the tree, shielded from view. Holding my wings out for balance, I focused on my human form, and began to demorph.
Cassie, I thought to myself.
It almost felt like becoming a different person—like morphing, instead of demorphing, like I’d changed so much that my own body no longer fit, no longer seemed familiar. I didn’t know whether the old me was a lie or the new me was a mistake or the whole thing was just layers with nothing at the core. Somewhere deep beneath the surface, I still cared about people, about right and wrong—or at least, I believed that I cared—or at least, I believed I believed, or believed I should believe—
Stop pretending, girl.
I’d never been very good at lying to myself. At ignoring my own thoughts, at shutting out the parts of me that were judgmental—cowardly—selfish—sarcastic—vengeful—petty—cruel. That’s why I’d always leaned so hard on my morals, my upbringing, my code.
You see, it doesn’t matter if you’re a bad person on the inside, as long as you don’t do anything about it. A bad person who acts good her entire life is a good person.
Only now, it wasn’t so easy. I couldn’t just ask my teachers what to do, when my friends started plotting mass murders and war crimes. There weren’t any relevant lessons from Buddha or Jesus or Mister Rogers. There was no Chicken Soup for the Guerilla Soul. And my parents—
I flinched.
We never talked about it—about what had happened to us, about our parents and Jake’s brother Tom and Rachel’s little sisters, Jordan and Sara. You’d think it would’ve come up, in the time we’d spent up in the valley—that on one of those long, cold nights, we would have acknowledged it, tried to support one another through the fear and loss and pain. That maybe we would have cried, or told stories, or made rescue plans. Something, you know? Anything.
But we hadn’t. Not one word, as far as I could tell—not from anyone. Just like we hadn’t talked about Jake’s weird resurrection, or about Rachel murdering a kid to get to Visser Three. It was like we were all pretending it wasn’t happening—like if we didn’t think about it, it would somehow not be real. Like little kids, trying to act grown up, blustering about how we don’t need to look under the bed, there’s nothing there, don’t be stupid. Afraid that if we let the cracks show, we’d fall apart, and then there would be no hope left at all.
At least, that’s what I was afraid of. I had taken the weight of the world on my shoulders—we all had—and there was no one to tell me whether the deaths of twenty thousand Yeerks should make that burden lighter, or heavier.
<They’re still going inside,> breathed one of the boys.
<What?> said the other. <Why?>
<Dunno. But look—there’s, like, not even twenty people still standing aro—>
The voices cut off as their owners passed out of morph. I was halfway through myself, the feathers on my chest melting and running together as I grew upward, the prickly leaves of the bushes scratching my back as my palms and knees emerged and pressed into the loamy mulch. The waxy substance covering my body darkened, the whites and grays shading into brown striped with black and green. The green thickened and became clothes, while the black ballooned outward, swelling into cold steel and dense rubber and materials of unknown and alien origin. An arsenal emerged from my body, laser guns and shock sticks and some kind of pellet launcher whose ammunition contained—according to Ax—one ten millionth of a gram of antimatter each.
One by one, the objects fell away from me, thudding heavily onto the ground or clattering loudly against each other. A hundred pounds of gear—enough to shrink my time limit down to a mere eighty-one minutes.
There’s no way to make this mission safe, Marco had said. Prime target or no prime target, we can’t, absolutely can not put the whole team in danger.
Taking in a deep breath, I refocused—on skin the color of evergreens, porous and cracked like pumice. On a dozen blades of dull ivory, each as long and as lethal as Ax’s tail blade. On horns like a rhinoceros, claws like a dragon, a spiked tail like a Stegosaurus’s. On thick, muscled arms and wide, flat teeth; on legs that bowed inward, with dewclaws that came all the way down to dig into the ground behind their heels.
We’re not just sending them in with no support, Jake had insisted. We can cover their retreat, at least—even from the sidelines.
I’d had my suspicions about the Hork-Bajir, suspicions which Elfangor’s memories and Ax’s half-remembered academy lessons had confirmed. They were arboreal, herbivorous, perfectly adapted for a life of climbing and grazing in the gigantic trees of their low-gravity homeworld. They’d barely evolved to the level of tribal civilization, with a language of fewer than a thousand words. They’d known absolutely nothing of violence or war, despite their fearsome appearance—their world had no large predators, and the blades were for digging into bark, cutting through branches, and slicing off leaves. It was the Yeerks who’d turned those blades to mutilation and murder, conscripting them into their armies, converting them into shock troops.
The morph mostly complete, I stood, my thick skin and whipcord muscles easily shrugging aside the thorns and brambles. Wielding my wrist blades like twin machetes, I carved out a circular space around myself, tossing the detritus aside as Jake and Marco rose nearby.
Nobody’s going to mess with a trio of Hork-Bajir in the middle of all the chaos, especially not if they’re all geared up and clearly not causing any problems. We settle in, make like Controllers, and stay out of trouble for as long as we can. If they manage to get out on their own, nobody will ever even know we were there.
Marco hadn’t liked it. They’d come close to shouting over it, and Jake’s alternative—that he was perfectly welcome to stay behind himself, if he was so worried about maintaining a reserve—hadn’t helped. In the end, Marco had agreed to come along simply because—he’d muttered—none of the rest of us were competent to strategize on the fly when the whole thing inevitably fell apart.
We do nothing. Nothing, you understand? Not one god damned thing. Not until they’re clear of the building—not unless our own lives are at stake.
Jake had nodded. And so Rachel, Garrett, and Ax had gone inside—the footsoldiers, the expendables, the ones who could stand their ground in the face of horror and death. And Jake and Marco had stayed outside—the plotters, the manipulators, the masterminds. The ones who—along with Tobias—would form the nucleus of a new resistance, if everything went wrong.
And then there was me. Too soft for combat and too stupid for strategy—an in-the-way sort-of pacifist who had neither the courage to stand up for her principles nor the integrity to admit she’d abandoned them. For what felt like the hundredth time, my job was to do nothing, absolutely nothing—just wait, and watch, and try to find a middle ground between relief and shame.
It wasn’t the violence—not exactly. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t an idiot, either. I could do the math. I knew that if you could sacrifice one life to save ten, or a hundred to save a thousand, or a million to save a billion—
I knew the Yeerk pool had to go.
But there’s more to it than math. A thousand lives lost plus two thousand lives saved just isn’t the same thing as a thousand lives saved, period. Jake and Marco could add and subtract and walk away feeling—
Not happy, I guess. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen either of them truly happy. But satisfied. Confident. Guilt-free. They were sure of themselves, sure in their decisions, able to sleep at night because they knew they’d found the—what was the phrase Marco had used?
Most efficient intervention.
As if that was it—that was that. As if the fact that as few people as possible had died meant there was no reason to grieve over the loss. As if the only deaths that were tragic were the unnecessary ones.
I wanted to stop it. I wanted to do something. But every action I could think of was empty and meaningless—symbolic gestures that would end up costing more lives, in the end. There was nothing I could do to make it better, nothing that Jake and Marco hadn’t already thought of.
Girl, I thought you weren’t going to lie to yourself.
I winced again, the reptilian double-lids of my alien eyes snicking shut.
So far, I had managed to avoid the fighting. Avoid the killing, except for the bear I had slaughtered—the bear I could conveniently blame on temporary insanity, even though I knew it hadn’t been. I had bowed out of every plan that called for lethal force, and managed to make a few possibly lethal ones less likely to cross the line, like when I insisted on using the tarantula hawk morph during Rachel’s midnight Controller-acquiring mission, instead of letting Ax’s sniper rifle be the primary backup the way Marco wanted.
But it was clear that seven full soldiers would be better than six and a half. That we could do more, move faster, make more progress, if I wasn’t holding everybody back. I’d been keeping my hands clean, but at a cost. A cost that could probably be measured in lives, if I weren’t such a coward—if I were willing to force myself to look straight at it.
Marco had only brought me along on this mission because he wanted the extra weapons I could carry. Now that I’d delivered them, I could morph into a bird, or just walk away, and neither he nor Jake would lift a finger to stop me. I was a liability, after all—unwilling to pull my weight, a nagging conscience for a group that didn’t want or need one.
But leaving wouldn’t solve my central problem. It’d just be swapping out one moral defect for another. I didn’t want any more killing, and I didn’t want the Yeerks to win—no matter what, I was going to end up compromising on something.
<Heads up.>
I turned to look just in time, the four-pointed stars of my pupils narrowing at the sudden flash of light. Above the black bubble, plasma-purple beams were emerging out of thin air, crisscrossing as they lanced down into the hidden building below.
<What—>
There was a crack like a lightning bolt, frighteningly loud even all the way across the park, and suddenly the edges of the dome softened, the smoke rising and expanding as the shield abruptly vanished.
<The Bug fighters,> someone said, grim and desperate. <They took out the shield generator. They knew it was right in the exact center of the field.>
<But—Ax—>
<Yeah. Ax.>
As the horror sank in, a scattering of figures came into view, an expanding ring of bodies that must have been pressed up against the inverted shield. They staggered unevenly forward, most falling before they made it ten steps. There were humans, and Hork-Bajir, and some kind of orange eight-legged spider thing with an upright body like a giant bacteriophage. The few Controllers who’d remained outside rushed forward to help as the firefighters began targeting the streams of water, no longer blinded by trapped smoke.
<Not many,> said a brittle voice. <Maybe—what—a hundred?>
Maybe not even that many—as the first wave slowed and stopped, no second wave followed. The doors and windows of the building gaped open, half of them rimmed with fire, and only a trickle of Controllers emerged from within.
<That was over three minutes of smoke buildup, plus greenhouse effects. I’d be surprised if anybody on the higher floors is alive.>
The two boys continued talking in my head, their words hollow and meaningless. A part of me wanted to scream at them, to point out that Ax might have just died and that we should care about that, that we should grieve for him or at least talk about it for more than two seconds. But the rest of me wouldn’t allow it—wouldn’t condone grief for the Andalite warrior when his death was just a drop in the bucket. We’d estimated that there were at least ten thousand human Controllers by this point—over five percent of the city population—plus however many alien hosts the Yeerks had living and working in their command center. Over three thousand Controllers coming in and out every day—over three hundred humans inside, at any given time.
Plus the aliens.
Plus the people who’d showed up and rushed in—many, many more than those who’d staggered out.
No, if Ax was dead—if Ax and Rachel and Garrett were all dead—if Jake and Marco and I died with them—it would be nothing more than a blip, a trifle, a small change to a single digit. We’d taken out somewhere between ten and twenty thousand Yeerks, and we’d knowingly sacrificed at least five hundred innocents to do it.
Or the rest of them had, anyway. I’d been on the sidelines, pretending it wasn’t my fault.
Not for the first time, I wished my parents were there—mine, or Jake’s, or even Rachel’s or Marco’s. Not just because of how badly I missed them, or how frightened or lonely I was, or because I still had nightmares every night about those last few minutes with my mom in the car.
No, just so that there would be somebody to take the responsibility off of my shoulders—to tell me what to do, make the hard choices for me, take the blame. To tell me that everything was going to be all right.
But they weren’t, and it wasn’t. This was only the beginning.
<You start the clock?> one of them said.
<Yeah,> the other answered. <Fifty-four minutes left, assuming we’re still giving them the full hour—>
And then everything stopped.
* * *
“Do you think we should we move?”
“How the hell should I know? You two have just as much experience with this shit as I do.”
Reaching up to a dangling branch, Marco seized a leaf and tugged. It came off in his hand—his human hand—the branch bobbing gently, the other leaves rustling softly for a moment before falling still once more. Holding up the leaf, he tore it in half, then in half again, then held the pieces up in his palm and blew them away with a breath. They fluttered silently down to the ground, where he kicked at them, scattering mulch in the process.
“Gravity still works. We can hear each other, so sound waves are still propagating. Also, we’re not frozen to death like we should be if the air around us had completely stopped moving, and we’re not suffocating like we should be if the air around us had completely stopped moving, and we’re not trapped in place like we should be if the air around us had completely stopped moving.”
I looked up at the branch Marco had grabbed. It was perfectly still, but I couldn’t tell whether it was any stiller than normal.
All around us, as far as we could see, time had stopped. The trees were frozen in place, the clouds in the sky like paintings on a domed ceiling, the smoke from the burning building a thick, black, still-life smear. There was no sound except the three of us, a silence as deep and unnerving as being in an underground tomb.
“That, plus we can see, so photons are still moving, which either means that time hasn’t stopped as far as the Sun is concerned, or that all of this just makes no fucking sense.”
We were standing there in our clothes, having somehow been instantaneously returned to human form, the weapons teleporting themselves to the ground a few feet away.
“Cassie,” said Jake, his voice taut. “Can you morph?”
I closed my eyes, focusing on the memory of Elfangor—we could use his help, and this certainly seemed to qualify as dire need—but nothing happened. To be sure, I tried again with Peppermint, the first morph I’d ever done, but still—nothing.
“No,” I answered. “Stuck.”
“Me, too.” He frowned and turned back to Marco. “This isn’t the Yeerks,” he said. “No way they have this level of technology, unless it’s some crazy thing Visser Three’s been developing on the side, and if it was, we’d already be dead. The Chee, maybe?”
“Don’t bet on it,” Marco muttered darkly. “My money’s on one of those two Big Bads that Elfangor wouldn’t tell us about. Crayak or Ellimist. Or both of them, who knows.”
He bent over to retrieve one of the laser rifles, pointed it at a nearby tree, and pulled the trigger.
Nothing happened. With a wordless noise of disgust, Marco tossed it back onto the pile.
“I think we should move,” Jake said, sounding uncertain-and-trying-to-hide-it.
“Oh yeah?” Marco shot back. “Where?”
“Only one obvious place—”
“—yeah, of course, and it’s exactly where we want to be, in human form, with no weapons, when whatever the hell this is wears off.”
“If this was about killing us, we’d be dead already.”
“Doesn’t mean we make it easy for them, if they’ve got some kind of James Bond sadism planned.”
“Rachel and Garrett and Ax are in there.”
“And they’re either unfrozen like us, or they’re stuck. Either way, we don’t do them any good by getting ourselves killed.”
“Marco—”
“No, Jake. No, okay? Listen, I—”
He broke off, chewing at his lip, seeming to struggle with himself. I glanced over at the YMCA, at the motionless flames like carved glass. Part of the building had begun to collapse, the brick and rebar buckling in the heat, all three stories sagging like a tent held up with twigs. From the look of it, the pool itself was already half buried. I could see a lone Controller standing exactly on the line between us and the building, his back to us, his arms down at his sides. It was completely impossible to tell, from half a mile away, but for some reason I was sure his fists were clenched.
“Look,” Marco said finally, his expression settling into one of grim determination. “I broke into Elfangor’s head, okay?” He nodded toward Jake. “The night after you woke up. Dug through his memories, through all kinds of crazy shit. This war, it—it’s insane. Unless Elfangor was legitimately psychotic, there’ve been all kinds of impossible things happening. Like, time travel and prophecies and parallel universes level impossible.”
He broke off again as Jake and I stared, shaking his head. “I know, okay? I know. But you can check for yourself, if whatever this is doesn’t end with all of us dying. But there’s one thing—it—I don’t even know what to do with it—”
He broke off for a third time, and sighed. “Look. Remember the stuff Elfangor said, back before we even went into his ship? That thing about how we all had to get along, or all hope was lost?” He seemed to brace himself, his jaw muscles bunched and tight. “Elfangor got this—message, once. Like a burning bush kind of message. You ever see any of those time-reversed videos? Like eggs unscrambling and jumping back into their shells? The kind of stuff that’s only possible if physics is—well—”
He gestured helplessly at the unmoving trees. “Anyway, long story short, somebody knew that he was going to meet us. Us, in particular. They knew, and they told him. And not some vague fortune cookie bullshit like ‘you will find allies,’ but ‘you’re going to die, and before you die, you’re going to run into four human kids, and you’d better help them or everything is fucked.’”
Jake’s shoulders visibly tensed as I felt my heart try to climb into my throat. “Four?” he asked, his voice taut.
“Four,” Marco confirmed. “By name. Jake Berenson, Marco Levy, Tobias Yastek—”
He paused, his eyes flickering in my direction.
Of course, it’s obvious, you knew it all along, you really don’t belong—
“—and Cassie Withers. Rachel was never supposed to be there.”
But—
I—
Oh.
I made a connection in my head, felt my eyes narrow. “So that’s why you sent the three of them into the pool?” I asked pointedly. “Her and Ax and Garrett, instead of you and me and Jake? Because they’re—they’re spares?”
Awful lot of accusation in your voice for someone who called them “expendables” five minutes ago, a part of me thought.
“Yep,” Marco said, meeting my gaze head-on, his own eyes wide and unashamed. “Absolutely. You got a better way to divvy things up, given that particular nugget of information?”
I opened my mouth, realized I didn’t know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and closed it again, a sick, twisting sensation growing in my stomach.
“What—” Jake began. He faltered and began to pace, scrubbing at his eyes with one hand, the crunch of his footsteps eerily loud in the utter silence of the frozen moment. “What else did the message say?”
Marco shrugged. “Nothing that Elfangor remembered in any kind of clear detail. This was like ten years ago, for him. But he definitely got the sense that the four of us were absolutely crucial to the fight against the Yeerks. Like, cannot-possibly-win-without-us crucial.”
“According to some—prophecy?”
“According to the Andalite equivalent of Jesus appearing in a slice of toast, except that this Jesus also came along with the solution to some math problem they’ve been trying to crack for over fifty years. Elfangor’s not an idiot—he checked the thing backwards and forwards for tricks, hoaxes, pranks—interference of any kind. As far as they could tell, though, it was just a slice of toast. Metaphorically speaking, I mean. No force fields, no energy disruptions, no radiation, no sign of any kind of tampering. The heat just randomly happened to line up, just right, and voilà—a Nobel Prize-winning math proof and the names of four human kids.”
“That’s—”
“Bullshit? No duh. Nobody actually bought that it was chance. Point is, though, if some rando says something and calls it a prophecy, that’s one thing. If somebody has enough control over, like, individual molecules to make their prophecy just appear out of thin air—”
They kept talking as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to disentangle my emotions.
Marco was right, of course—absolutely right. If you bought that there was a prophecy and that prophecy said the four of us were somehow important, then you should definitely send someone else on the suicide mission. We weren’t invincible, as Jake’s accident had already demonstrated.
But Marco was also wrong—wasn’t he? Wrong to put someone else in mortal danger, wrong to consider himself—and us—more worthy of saving, wrong to make the choice for everyone, manipulating the rest of us into it while keeping us in the dark. It tugged against my sense of ethics, set off alarm bells in my moral code.
Rachel shouldn’t die, so that I could live.
Neither should Garrett or Ax.
Right?
Little late to start drawing a hard line, girl. You’ve been letting other people die for you for weeks, now. Or do you think it’s somehow different when it happens to be people you know and like, instead of strangers?
That wasn’t what—
Besides, it’s not like you would’ve done anything differently if you’d known. You’d have just sat there, wringing your hands, and in the end you would’ve gone along with whatever Jake and Marco—
“Stop,” I said aloud, cutting off the thought. Jake broke off mid-sentence as he and Marco turned to look at me.
Nothing, that’s what you’ll do, that’s what you’ve been doing this whole time—
“I’m going into the building,” I said, the sick feeling in my stomach easing slightly. “You guys can come or not, if you want.”
“Did you not hear anything I just said?” Marco hissed. “We shouldn’t even be here, let alone walking into the middle of a literal firestorm. If some godlike being wants to drag us into that shithole, they can just—”
* * *
“God dammit!” Marco shouted, his voice ragged with frustration.
We had been plunged into shadow, the air around us thick and heavy with the smell of smoke and chemicals. As my eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness, I saw that the floor beneath my feet was tile, covered in dust and soot.
Around us was a scene of motionless madness, the world’s most terrifying wax museum. There were bodies everywhere—some untouched, some burned, some still burning, the flames like crystals growing off of blackened flesh. A handful of figures were still standing, frozen in mid-step, mostly yellow-clad firefighters but also a few Hork-Bajir and a couple of humans in plain clothes. Chunks of brick and metal hung in the air, arrested mid-fall, and through the haze I could see a pair of bright, angled bars that had to be laser beams.
To my right, dim sunlight struggled to illuminate the smoke, streaming in through the partially collapsed outer wall. To my left, a curtain of fire licked across every square inch from floor to ceiling, outlining doors and windows like black caves, seeming to move even in the utter stillness. In front of me lay the cracked ruins of the Yeerk pool, drained and empty, clumps of glistening Yeerk-flesh still clinging to the walls and floor. The two piers were melted and broken, the far side an uneven, gaping hole, opening up onto some enormous underground cavern lit by an unearthly green light.
“Marco?” came a voice, and we all jumped.
“Tobias?” Marco called back. “What—where are you?”
“Over here—in the corner.”
There was a strained, strangled quality to his voice, like glass rubbing on glass. Slowly, we began to pick our way through the rubble, occasionally blinded by immobile clouds of soot, taking care to stay well back from the edges of the hole. At one point, we passed a man who had just stumbled over the lip, his eyes wide and terrified, his arms flailing.
“Should we—” I began, but I didn’t bother finishing the sentence. Even if we’d wanted to save him—even if we’d been able to, if whatever lunatic rules were in place allowed us to pull him back—he was just one of what seemed like a hundred people on the brink of disaster. On the far side of the pool, there was a little boy clinging to the twisted bars of what had been one of the cages, his feet dangling over the abyss. Over by the wall of fire, there were two women trying to lift a third to her feet, unaware that a slab of ceiling had broken loose and was hovering twenty feet overhead. Through one of the doors that led deeper into the building, I could see an entire room full of flame, and a pair of aliens standing on the far side, looking out toward the open sky, despair and helplessness written in their body language in a way that transcended the need for translation.
You did this, whispered the quiet, merciless voice in my head. Clean hands or no clean hands. You let this happen—made this happen.
Feeling sick once more, I lowered my eyes to the ground, keeping them locked onto the heels of Marco’s sneakers as they stepped over melted lumps that might not have been bodies.
That’s right—look away. If you can’t see it, it didn’t happen, right?
The sneakers stopped, and I looked up, taking in the scene just as Marco let loose a low, defeated moan.
Tobias was standing in front of us, his face streaked with tears, his hands curled into fists. He was glaring daggers at Jake, whose own face had gone slack with horror.
Behind him, a trio of figures were frozen in mid-run—a grizzly bear with an Andalite thrown over its shoulder, both with half their fur burned away, and a shape midway between human and gorilla, its thick fingers clutching a Yeerk Dracon beam.
Rachel, Ax, and Garrett.
Behind them was a hole in the wall, through which were climbing half a dozen Hork-Bajir and a pair of the strange orange spider things. Two of the Hork-Bajir were already through, had stopped and had raised their weapons, their fingers tight on the triggers. That was the source of the two bright laser beams I had spotted earlier, both discharges hanging halfway between the aliens and their targets. One was lined up with the back of Rachel’s knee, and the other—
The other was aimed directly at the base of Garrett’s neck.
“You said you would keep him safe,” Tobias said softly, his voice cracking. He took a step toward Jake, who continued to look past him, unable to tear his eyes away. “You promised me you would keep him safe.”
Wordlessly, Marco stepped past both of them—reached out to touch Garrett—tugged on the boy’s arm, tried to drag him out of the way. Garrett might have been carved out of stone for all the difference it made.
“Where were you, Jake? Why are you standing there while he’s in here dodging blaster bolts?”
“I—”
“You promised,” Tobias repeated, and he planted both hands on Jake’s chest and shoved. Jake staggered, falling back several steps before regaining his balance, and Tobias followed immediately, fury etched in every line of his face. “Look at him, Jake.”
“Tobias—” Marco began, his tone somewhere between a warning and a plea.
“Shut up, Marco,” Tobias snarled. He stepped forward and gave Jake another shove, pushing the heavier boy back toward the edge of the pool. Jake made no move to defend himself, his arms hanging limply by his sides, his expression stricken. “You sent him in here to die.”
“Tobias, stop!” Marco called out.
“No.” The word was quiet, almost calm, as cold and dark as obsidian. Cocking his arm back, Tobias swung, the punch catching Jake full in the face, sending a spray of blood through the frozen smoke.
Jake fell without making a sound as Marco lunged forward, reaching out to grab Tobias’s shoulder. I felt a flash of déjà vu as the taller boy whirled, sinking his fist directly into Marco’s stomach, folding him in half. Marco dropped like a stone, a horrible wheezing noise clawing its way from his throat.
I didn’t know what to do. What to say. How to react, other than by standing there, horrified. I was transfixed, paralyzed, frozen with indecision.
Useless—as usual.
On the ground, Jake was rolling over, was already up on hands and knees. Tobias waited as he slowly climbed back to his feet, then punched him again, this time catching him on the temple. I let out a wordless shout as Jake fell again, more unevenly this time, skidding backwards until he was just a few feet away from the gaping, open hole.
“I swear to God,” Tobias bit out. “If he dies—if you don’t find a way to fix this—”
He broke off mid-sentence, grabbing the front of Jake’s shirt and hauling him to his feet, holding their faces inches apart.
Do something!
Jake’s head lolled, his eyelids opening and closing in slow motion. “I will take you down,” Tobias pronounced. “If I never do anything else—if I have to go to Visser fucking Three for help—if my best friend dies because you weren’t there to save him—”
“Tobias, wait!” I blurted, starting forward—
“One more step, Cassie. Go ahead—see what happens if you take one more step.”
I froze. “He volunteered, Tobias,” I pleaded. “It wasn’t what you—Jake tried to talk him out of it—”
“Tried.” Tobias threw me a withering glare, turned back to Jake. “Did you try, Jake? Was it just too hard for you to tell the eleven year old with the diagnosis no, you can’t go on any suicide missions this week? You couldn’t send Marco or Cassie instead? I see you managed to keep them out of trouble.” He took a step forward, putting both of them on the very edge of the abyss. “Where were you, Jake? ‘Cause I looked all around, and I didn’t see you here—”
He broke off as Jake mumbled something, a trickle of blood appearing at the corner of his mouth and running down his chin, dripping onto Tobias’s hands where they still gripped Jake’s shirt. “What was that, Jake?” he spat.
“My fault,” Jake repeated, the words crystal clear in the stillness of the tableau vivant. “Knew he might die. Took the risk.”
Tobias’s face whitened as he shook the heavier boy, still holding him inches from the lip. “You took—”
“Said it was the right thing,” Jake continued, his voice hollow but steady. “Said he wasn’t going to give up just because it was hard. Said the world was in trouble, and he wasn’t the kind of person who backs down.”
The words had an immediate and dramatic effect on Tobias, falling like hammer blows, his grip on Jake’s shirt loosening with each one as his expression morphed swiftly from one of rage to one of utter despair. “I—” he stammered. “That’s not—you—”
“Wanted me to tell you, if he died—that he wasn’t afraid.”
It was as if Tobias were a puppet, and Jake had cut the strings. He let go, and both of them sagged, Jake dropping to brace his hands on his knees, Tobias sinking all the way to the ground. Without another word, the orphan boy began to cry, giant sobs wracking his body.
Good thing nobody’s relying on you to think fast in a crisis, said the voice in my head, useless and savage and post hoc as usual. At least Marco tried, even if all he managed to do was get the wind knocked out of him.
For a long moment, I just stood there, watching as Jake and Marco slowly recovered, as Tobias cried himself out. Around us, the nightmare waited, smoke and fire and horror and death all frozen in a timeless moment.
And what are you waiting for, girl?
For Jake and Marco, I realized. For one of them to straighten up, and tell me what to do.
I felt a lot of things over the next couple of seconds—a complicated whirl of doubts and recriminations, guilt and anxiety and resentment and resolve all swirling around a single word, outlined in fire in my thoughts:
Enough.
“Crayak!” I shouted, causing Jake and Marco to jump and Tobias’s sobs to falter. “Ellimist! Whoever you are—we’re all waiting on you, now!”
THEN WAIT NO LONGER.
The response was immediate, the voice coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. It was bigger than sound, bigger than thought-speak, bigger than language itself. It simply was, like the force of gravity—irresistible and inevitable.
The air directly in front of me—no not in front, behind. Beside. Around—
I couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t comprehend it. The air just opened up. As if there were a door in nothingness. As if air were solid, and—
It was just impossible to explain. The air opened up. A creature appeared.
It was humanoid. Two arms, two legs, a head in the same place that a human’s head would be. Its skin was blue, glowing faintly like a lightbulb that had been painted over. It looked old, but not frail—like my grandfather, who’d worked fifty years on a farm and could put the lid on a jar so tight that none of the rest of us could get it off again. Its hair was long and white, covering ears that were swept up into points, parting over pitch-black eyes that seemed to be full of stars.
“Are you—” Marco began, his voice still breathy and hoarse. He was standing upright, though he had one hand pressed over his stomach, and there were tears sparkling at the corners of his eyes. “Is that your real body?”
The creature smiled, its ears sliding upwards until they were almost touching. “No,” it answered, its voice like wind chimes. “I have a lot of faces. This one—”
It paused, and shrugged. “I dunno. Seemed like the right one to use.”
“What are you?” Jake asked, peering through eyes that were beginning to swell shut.
The creature shrugged again. “Got a lot of names, too. Call me whatever you like.”
“You did this?” Jake gestured to the sculpted figures around us.
“Well, not really. Most of it was your friends over there. But the whole thing being on pause—that was me, yeah.”
“Why?”
“So you’d have a chance to take a good look,” it said. “And to give us time to talk.”
Raising its hands, the creature traced out a complicated pattern in midair, and suddenly a chair appeared—first an outline, then a solid object as the sides faded in from nothingness. It spun gently and settled silently to the floor, scooting forward just as the creature sat back.
Tobias pushed himself to his feet, his face streaked and sooty, his clothes covered in ash and dust. “You’re the one Elfangor told us about,” he said. “The one we might call God. You can do magic.”
“Science,” the creature corrected softly. “Engineering.”
“You stopped time. Brought me all the way here from D.C. Brought me out of morph and teleported me three thousand miles.”
“Yes.”
Tobias pointed at the pair of blaster bolts hovering behind Rachel and Garrett. “Change it,” he said flatly.
“I will,” the creature said solemnly. “Or at least, I can. But first, you need some context. You see, they’re not the only ones in danger. A lot of people are about to die, and you have some decisions to make.”
“No shit,” Marco said. “The whole building’s ready to collapse.”
The creature shook its head. “I’m not talking about the people in the building,” it said, and I felt my blood run cold. “I think you forgot about Visser Three.”
* * *
We were floating in space, somehow—a hundred miles up, or maybe a thousand, floating without spacesuits, breathing without air. It wasn’t cold or uncomfortable—just quiet, as it had been back in the pool. For a long, long minute, the creature let us stare at the Earth, huge and impossibly beautiful, filling half the sky. We could see all of California—Oregon—Nevada. The snow-dusted wrinkles of mountain ranges, the flat browns of deserts, the patchy greens of forests and fields. The coastlines were as clear and sharp as if they’d been carved out by a razor blade, with light, fluffy clouds drifting glacially over the ocean, casting dark blue shadows.
LOVELY, the omnipresent voice said, the creature’s body having failed to follow us. LOVELY.
We said nothing—only stared, drinking it in, until some unseen force moved us, swung us around, turned us outward to face the darkness.
There, some immeasurable distance away, glistening faintly in the starlight, was an enormous, misshapen sphere, almost as black as the sky around it. A small cluster of silver boxes were embedded in the surface at one end, each with a cone of frozen light emerging from it, pointing exactly away from the blue sphere of the Earth.
“What is this?” Marco asked, not even bothering to complain about the impossibilities anymore.
IT’S VISSER THREE’S BACKUP PLAN, said the voice. HE SENT TEAMS OUT TO FIND IT WEEKS AGO, AS SOON AS YOU STARTED CAUSING TROUBLE—DRAGGED IT BEHIND THE MOON AND SLAPPED A CLOAKING DEVICE ON IT. NOW IT’S HEADING FOR EARTH AT A HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND MILES PER HOUR.
“What?” Jake spluttered.
WHEN IT HITS, IT WILL MAKE A FIREBALL EIGHT MILES WIDE, AND LEAVE A CRATER ALMOST TEN MILES ACROSS. THE SHOCKWAVE WILL SHATTER WINDOWS AS FAR AS FIFTY MILES AWAY, AND THAT PLUS THE HEAT WILL KILL EVERYTHING FROM SOMERTON TO GRANITE HEIGHTS. THE YEERK POOL WILL BE COMPLETELY DISINTEGRATED, ALL EVIDENCE ERASED, AND THE CITY AND THE SURROUNDING AREA—INCLUDING YOUR LITTLE HIDDEN VALLEY—WILL BE WIPED OFF THE MAP.
I felt my throat constrict, felt my fingers and toes begin to tingle as my blood pooled in my chest and adrenaline began to slice its way through my veins.
VISSER THREE KNOWS YOU’VE DESTROYED THE POOL. IN A FEW HOURS, THE FIRST YEERKS WILL BEGIN STARVING, AND SOON THERE WILL BE AN EPIDEMIC. IT’S TOO RISKY TO RELY ON A CONTAINMENT STRATEGY. ONE MISTAKE—ONE PIECE OF CREDIBLE EVIDENCE SLIPPING PAST THE NET, AND THE SECRET WILL BE OUT. THIS WAY IS QUICKER—CLEANER—SIMPLER.
I turned to look at Jake, took in the dull hopelessness that seemed to wrap his entire body, felt my own shoulders slump in response. Beyond him, Marco’s face was twisted and grim, his jaw working silently, his knuckles white.
AN IMPACT OF THIS MAGNITUDE OCCURS EVERY FIFTY THOUSAND YEARS OR SO, the voice continued. IT WILL BE SURPRISING, BUT NOT SHOCKING. YOUR SCIENTISTS WILL CONFIRM THAT IT WAS A METEOR STRIKE AND NOTHING MORE. THEY’LL TESTIFY THAT THE ROCK WAS SMALL ENOUGH THAT CURRENT NORMAL SCANNING WOULD NEVER HAVE DETECTED IT. THERE WILL BE A PUSH FOR INCREASED MONITORING OF THE SKY, AND VISSER THREE’S PLANS WILL BE SLIGHTLY HAMPERED BY THIS, BUT IT WILL BE A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE HAS ERADICATED THE GUERILLA THREAT.
I blinked, and suddenly we were back at the pool, surrounded by rubble and smoke and cold, crystallized fire. The creature was unmoved, still sitting in its conjured chair, its expression drawn and sympathetic.
“He knows that you aren’t particularly mobile, see,” the creature said, speaking with its physical voice. “And he knows that you’re at the pool, right now. There’s zero chance that you’d survive the impact.”
“But—the shield—the tardigrades—”
“The shield was destroyed, on Visser Three’s orders, but it wouldn’t have saved you anyway. The word ‘indestructible’ is a little misleading—Seerow’s engineering is impressive, but it can’t compete with an explosion the size of a million atomic bombs. Even the Chee will be killed, if they don’t realize what’s happening in time to run.”
I felt my jaw tremble, felt my knees go weak. It was hard to breathe, hard to speak—hard to think. I looked at the three boys, saw their faces reflecting my own as the meaning of the creature’s words sank in.
We were all going to die.
“How—” I began, my voice thick and rasping. “How long?”
“About thirty more minutes,” the creature said. “The Visser fired the rockets as soon as the explosion in the pool was confirmed.”
Thirty minutes. Our fastest morph over long distances was the snipe, which could make it maybe thirty two miles in thirty minutes, if we could push the body to the absolute limit. Call it twenty-five miles, with morphing time—would that be enough? If we found a lake to dive into, or a mountain to hide behind?
I looked at Jake. He didn’t have the snipe morph. He would have to acquire it from me, losing an extra minute and a half in the process. Meanwhile, Marco and Tobias would have to take off before me, or else the interference would keep them from being able to fly at all. They could leave immediately, while I stayed behind for a few extra seconds with Jake—
Tobias shifted, raising a hand to wipe at his eyes. “You said you would save Garrett,” he said, his tone somewhere between entreaty and accusation.
“I said I could,” the creature corrected mildly. “I can save all of you, in fact. But it’s not quite as simple as snapping my fingers.”
Tobias tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. There was a long, tense moment as we all weighed the creature’s words, absorbed the sudden, subtle shift in mood. I didn’t have Jake’s razor-keen sense for implication and nuance, but even I could hear the threat implied by the oh-so-casual words—the bait and switch, the clever trap, the offer we couldn’t refuse. Sure, the creature seemed to be saying. I can do it—but it’s gonna cost you.
“What do you mean?” Tobias asked, his words slow and careful. “Just unfreeze them, and we all walk away.”
“Like I said, not that simple.”
“What? Why?”
“The game,” Marco said darkly.
“Yes,” the creature confirmed. “There are rules. Penalties. Restrictions.”
“What game?”
“There are two of them,” Marco explained. “Don’t you remem—never mind, that’s right, you were off babysitting Ax.” He chewed at his lip, looking back and forth between the creature and the ruins of the Yeerk pool. “Crayak and Ellimist. God and Satan, black and white—or at least red and blue, Elfangor wasn’t really sure. Two extremely powerful beings with very different ideas of how the universe ought to look.”
“Order and chaos,” said the creature. “Unity and harmony. Silence and noise. A fundamental conflict of values.” It gestured toward the nightmare scene around us. “One of us would like more of—this. The other, less. We almost came to blows, once—a fight that would have thrown the resources of whole galaxies against one another, laying waste to infinity. But we realized that we were headed toward mutual annihilation—that by the time we’d finished hacking at each other, the winner would be left with almost nothing—a shadow of its former self, an emperor of dust.”
“So why didn’t you just stop?” I blurted.
The four of them turned to look at me, Jake and Marco and Tobias and the strange, ancient alien. I felt my face flush with heat, a mixture of self-consciousness and anger fighting for control of my voice, my thoughts. Anger won, and I crossed my arms, glaring at the ancient alien.
“Elfangor said we were like chess pieces to you,” I bit out. “Like you’re manipulating us, or—or gambling with us. That this is all some kind of huge game, and you’re waiting to see how it all plays out. Why? Why not just—leave one another alone?”
Even before I finished the sentence, I knew it was stupid—I knew about the US and the Soviet Union, and about wars that started because of genocide and human rights violations, about people cheating on each other in prisoner’s dilemmas. I knew that two was an unstable equilibrium, and that one way or another there would always be a race to the bottom.
But deep down, in the core of my soul, it just seemed wrong. Like it shouldn’t have to be that way, like people should be able to just stop. That there ought to be a way to solve things that wasn’t terrible, and that obvious answers should work, no matter how many kinks and flaws and loopholes there might be.
I didn’t know if the creature in front of me had sent the Yeerks. But it could obviously stop them—stop them without bloodshed, stop them fully and finally and save everyone the trouble. It could, and it wasn’t going to, and it just wasn’t fair.
The creature didn’t mock my flawed argument, though—didn’t point out my naïveté. It simply shrugged. “Who can say? I can speak only for myself. I didn’t want to leave half the universe—half of everything that lives and breathes and thinks—under the control of my enemy. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life on alert, always waiting for the moment of betrayal. I didn’t want to spend ninety nine percent of my time and energy building weapons and stockpiling resources and setting up counter-counter-counter-counter-counter surveillance, lest I fall behind.”
“So, what—you play some giant cosmic chess game, and the loser just agrees to die?” Tobias asked, incredulous. “I mean, that’s what you’re talking about, right? If you can’t trust each other no matter what, then that’s what happens at the end—isn’t it?”
The creature nodded.
“But that’s insane!” Tobias shouted. “It doesn’t make any sense! You’re going to finish the game, and then the loser’s just going to flip the table and start shooting anyway!”
The creature shook its head. “The game is binding, on every level. Bit by bit, molecule by molecule, we each fed our resources into a shared structure which cannot be coopted or corrupted, leaving only the most rudimentary backups behind. The arbiter is more powerful than either of us at this point, and a sufficient infraction means immediate forfeiture and death. Together, we ratified the initial conditions, and now—”
It shrugged again. “Now, we simply play.”
“But why agree to the game in the first place?” Jake said, speaking up for the first time in minutes. “I mean, if you’re going to win anyway, why bother? And if you’re going to lose, why would the other one agree? You can’t possibly be perfectly matched—somebody’s got to have the advantage.”
“Your definitions are narrow,” the creature said. “One may be smarter, where the other is stronger. One may have vision, where the other has patience.”
“But there’s still got to be a total, right? Some kind of—summary? Taking all of that into account?”
“Something can be knowable, but still not known. I could ask you to tell me how many pennies your country has minted in its entire history—that’s a question with a real, specific answer, but it’s expensive to find out.”
“But still—if you both agreed to the game, it’s because you both thought it was better for you than just fighting it out.”
“Is that so unrealistic? Instead of taking a chance at an empty, ruined universe, we take a chance at winning everything. Defeat is the same in either case, but victory is vastly different.”
“But defeat’s not the same in either case,” Jake said, his voice rising. “I mean, if you literally couldn’t stand to let the other guy have half of everything, you definitely don’t want to let him walk away with all of it, right? If you’re going to lose, don’t you want to hurt the other guy as much as you can, first? And besides, you’ve got—I mean, Marco said you could control individual molecules. You stopped time. You’ve got to be able to calculate everything, right? I mean, you’ve got to already know whether you’re going to win or lose. And playing the game only makes sense if you think you’re going to win, so—so if you both think that, doesn’t it mean that one of you is just wrong?”
The creature smiled, the sparks of light in its deep, black eyes glittering like the inside of a geode. “Yes, Jake Berenson. One of us is wrong, and only time will tell which. I have my own opinions, of course, which I’ll keep private. But in the meantime—it’s my turn, and events have conspired to give me unusual freedom of movement.”
With a swift, sudden motion, the creature sprang to its feet, the chair vanishing out from underneath it as we each took a reflexive step back. “So!” it boomed, the wind chime quality of its voice swelling into something more like church bells. “Human children—do you wish for me to save you? I won’t stop the meteor—I can’t, not without incurring debts I’m not particularly interested in owing. But I can whisk you off to safety, if you ask it of me.”
“What about Garrett?” Tobias cut in.
“And Rachel and Ax,” Jake added.
“The four of you are my primary concern,” the creature said. “You are the bishops, the knights, the rooks. For the time being, at least, the game revolves around you—your decisions, your fate.”
Tobias’s face reddened, his hands clenching into fists. “You said—”
“I said it wasn’t that simple. I can save more than just the four of you—one more for each, perhaps—but it comes at a price.”
“What price?”
“Conservation,” the creature said. “I take so much matter from here and move it to there—at some point in time, the game will allow my enemy to do the same.”
“What? But that’s—”
“Twenty billion billion billion atoms shifted by fifty miles, or one atom shifted by a thousand billion billion billion. Enough energy to fuel a nuclear blast. It is—not insignificant, in a game such as ours.”
I felt my breath catch in my throat. The math—it didn’t particularly make sense, to me. The numbers were too big. But the other half of the problem—
I locked eyes with Jake, saw in an instant that he understood it, too. He gazed back at me for a timeless moment, his expression close and guarded, and then turned to look at Marco.
Marco, whose face was twisted and pained, his eyes suddenly wide with emotion.
“Garrett,” Tobias said, ignoring the silent conversation going on around him. “Save Garrett. Please.”
“And Rachel,” said Jake, the name sounding like it was being torn out of him. He stared at Marco, and the other boy stared back, the two of them communicating on some level deeper than thought-speak.
I can’t do this, whispered a voice in my head.
You’d better, answered another.
“Ax,” Marco finally muttered, his jaw tight.
They turned to look at me.
Can’t do this can’t do this can not do this.
You HAVE to. No way you’re letting somebody die just because you didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.
Tobias was an orphan. So was Garrett. Rachel had family, but there were too many of them to save—her dad, her mom, her two sisters. And my parents were already dead.
“Cassie—” Marco began, but Jake cut him off.
“No, Marco.”
Frowning, Tobias looked back and forth between the three of us, his mouth half-opened in an unspoken question. Suddenly, it clicked, his eyes widening as he figured it out.
Jake had a big family, too—his parents, his grandparents, his cousins on his mom’s side. But the person he cared about the most was his big brother Tom.
And Marco? Marco had nobody—except his father.
“I—” I began, my throat dry and tight. “I can’t—”
“Yes, you can, Cassie,” Jake said, his voice low and heavy. “This is your choice, not ours.” Beside him, Marco grimaced, his eyes glistening, but he nodded.
The thing was, I really couldn’t. They might think they’d be okay with whatever I chose, but I knew them—knew them both. It was one thing to lose a family member because of circumstances outside your control. It was something else to know you might have been able to save them—to know they’d been traded for someone else. If I picked either one, it would be the end of Jake and Marco’s friendship, and if I picked neither, all their resentment and bitterness would fall on me.
I fought for an answer, my thoughts and emotions churning, searching for any possible way out of the decision. My eyes darted around the frozen nightmare, looking anywhere but Jake and Marco—at Tobias, at the creature, at the figures lying on the ground, hovering in the air, clinging to the bars of the broken, twisted cage—
I stopped.
The boy. The boy, holding on to the cage. He was maybe six or seven years old, his clothes and face black with soot, his mouth open in a timeless scream.
I looked at Jake.
I looked at Marco.
I looked at the creature, and I did the math in my head again—ninety seconds to morph, then twenty-eight and a half minutes—twenty-eight and a half miles, at a mile per minute.
I looked back at the boy, at the lines of the tendons in his arm as he held on with all his might. He was close to the outer wall, just a few steps away from a gap where the bricks had buckled and burned, letting sunlight in.
I could make it.
I could make it.
I could make it, and for once, I could do something. Could take action, get my hands dirty, maybe make a difference.
Not for everybody. But for somebody. For one, single person. It wouldn’t change much, if I pulled it off—wouldn’t save the hundreds who’d already died or the thousands who were about to.
But it would be something—and I was tired of doing nothing.
“Marco’s dad,” I said, “and Jake’s brother Tom.” I looked into the creature’s eyes, making sure it understood.
“Wait—what?”
“Cassie, no!”
The creature nodded, and raised its hands as it had when it conjured the chair.
“No!” Jake shouted. “Stop!”
“What’s going—”
“Cassie’s trying to stay behind—”
“What—”
“Shut up,” I said, fighting to keep the quaver out of my voice. “My choice, not yours.”
“Cassie, this is suicide—”
“It isn’t. I can make it out. The snipe, remember?”
“Jake, she’s lost it—”
“Cassie—”
“Wait!” Tobias called out, his voice cutting through Jake and Marco’s objections. “Hang on a second—”
Raising an accusatory finger, he spun, rounding on the ancient creature. “You cheated,” he said. “You said you’d save the four of us and four other people, but I wouldn’t even need saving if you hadn’t brought me here. I shouldn’t count. You can bring Cassie and Tom and Marco’s dad.”
The shadow of a smile flickered across the creature’s face. “You have a—” it began.
“No,” I insisted. “If we get an extra person, save Erek. I’m going after the kid.”
“Cassie, forget the robot, just let HIM save the—”
IT IS DONE.
There was no other warning. Without the slightest transition, I found myself once more in the woods, squinting in the patchy sunlight, wearing a Hork-Bajir’s body with half a dozen weapons strapped to my chest. Jake and Marco were nowhere to be seen.
No!
The creature had dropped me outside, in morph—I was half a mile away from the pool, and the kid was already dangling—
I burst from the undergrowth, tossing guns and ammunition aside as I sprinted forward. The Hork-Bajir body was awkward on flat ground, but it made up for it in sheer power, its massive legs long since adapted to the higher gravity of Earth. Up ahead, smoke continued to pour out of the YMCA, the flames licking up the sides of the building as the firefighters struggled to beat them back.
Go.
I started demorphing as I ran, trying to control the process so that I would end just as I reached the building, keeping my legs as long as possible. There were a hundred Controllers in sight, but none of them were paying any attention to me, their eyes all locked on the wreckage of their city, their temple, their home.
Go.
I could feel my lungs beginning to burn as they emerged from Z-space, feel the throb of blood pressure in my temple. I had never been athletic, but it didn’t matter—a little boy’s life was at stake and I was not about to quit.
You should have let the creature save the kid, the voice in my head snarled. Let him save the kid, and just flown away yourself. If he dies now, it’s your fault—
But he wasn’t going to die. I knew it in my heart, in my bones. It wouldn’t happen, not now—not when I had finally, finally found a way to do something pure and unequivocal and good. It was one tiny bright spot, in all the death and horror—just one insignificant, inadequate gesture—but it was my bright spot, and I wasn’t about to let it go.
I blew past the Controllers in the parking lot, my sneakers slapping against the asphalt as I made a beeline for the hole in the wall. I felt the last traces of Hork-Bajir physiology disappear as I neared the building, felt myself become fully human just before I crossed over into the darkness and smoke.
Almost immediately, I began to hack and wheeze, my eyes watering as my aching lungs pulled in what felt like an entire roomful of smoke. Blind, coughing, I stumbled and dropped to my knees, crawling forward as I felt my way toward the cage.
“Are you there?” I screamed. The air was full of noise—the cries of the wounded, the roar of the fire, the hissing of water as the firefighters rained down a hundred gallons a second.
“Help!” came a voice, a few feet to my left. “Help—I can’t—”
I was already there, forcing my burning eyes to open, reaching out to grab the boy’s wrist. “Gotcha!” I shouted. “Climb!”
Leaning back, I hauled him up and over the lip, rolled him past me onto level ground, both of us gasping and coughing. “Mom!” he cried out. “Where’s mom—”
Not a Controller, then.
“I don’t know,” I said, struggling to keep my voice calm and reassuring. “But I’m going to get you out of here, okay? I’m going to get you out, and we’ll find her—she’s outside, we’ll find her once we’re safe—”
“Mom!” the boy shouted again, and he lunged toward the light, toward the hole in the wall, the outside world.
“No!” I called out, grabbing his ankle and dragging him back. He screamed and kicked, and I pulled him closer, catching his wrists. “Wait! Listen! There’s a—a bomb coming, it’s coming down from space, the bad guys sent it to blow everybody up because we broke the Yeerk pool—”
The boy stopped struggling at the word bomb—stopped struggling and turned to look at me, his eyes wide with fear—
“—and I can get you out but you have to trust me, you have to hold on and I’m going to—I’m going to change, okay?”
“What about my mom?” he pleaded, his eyes darting left and right.
“I’ve got—my friends are here,” I lied, desperate to get moving, to get the boy inside my morph and get out. It must have been at least three minutes since time had restarted—three minutes, maybe more. “They’re here, they’ll find her and get her out, but you’ve got to hold on to me now, okay? Hold on and don’t let go, I’m going to transform, and you’re going to transform too, we’re going to turn into a bird and fly away.”
It sounded like nonsense—was nonsense, for all that it was completely true—but the little boy didn’t move as I pulled him close, stayed still as I kept babbling. All across my skin, the hairs began to swell, fanning out and becoming feathers, turning black all over except for the patch below my chin.
“Just hang on, we’re going to get out of here, and we’re going to go find your mom—”
Lies, but lies in the service of a greater good—they rolled off my tongue without guilt or hesitation. Pressing his head to my chest, I forced my will onto the morphing routine, and sent his mind into stasis, slowly stuffing the rest of him into myself like a blanket going into a pillowcase. It was horrible and strange, not at all like any other morph I’d done, and if I’d had a normal human stomach I think I would have thrown up.
—saving him you’re saving him you’re going to save his life that’s all that matters he can be as sad as he wants about his mom but he’ll be alive because of you—
I took off while the morph was still partially incomplete, my body heavy, my wings awkward and slow. I fought for altitude, angling through the gap and out into the sunlight, growing lighter with each passing second. Fifty wingbeats, and the transformation was complete; a hundred, and I was flying as fast as I ever had—as fast as I’d flown on the night I’d failed to save my dad.
How much time had I spent in the Yeerk pool? I wanted to get as far away as I could, but I also wanted to be out of the air when the meteor hit—under water, or behind something sturdy—
TSEEEWWWWWWWW!
<AHHHHHHH!>
I rolled in midair, banking and plummeting like a stone as another Dracon beam passed through the space I’d just been occupying.
Bug fighter!
I couldn’t see the craft—it was cloaked, and I didn’t dare slow down long enough to tease out the telltale distortion that was visible to the snipe’s eye. Shedding another twenty feet of altitude, I changed direction and began pumping for speed again.
TSEEEWWWWWWWW!
TSEEEWWWWWWWW!
That time, the beams came close enough to singe the feathers on one of my wings. <No!> I shouted, changing direction yet again, this time climbing for height. If the craft was close by, I should be able to shake it, but if it was firing from a distance—
TSEEEWWWWWWWW!
Hit.
Pain.
Fall.
I was only a second or so from the ground by the time my head cleared, and the best I could do was flare my remaining wing and brace for impact. I landed with a dull thud, feeling the snipe’s legs snap like twigs.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no—
The ground was covered in rocks and bushes, and I quickly rolled under cover, ignoring the screaming pain of my broken bones and the unnerving emptiness where my wing was supposed to be. Above me, I felt rather than heard the Bug fighter pass overhead—a thick, buzzing vibration, a sense of something vast and ponderous. It couldn’t have been more than twenty or thirty feet above the ground, moving slower than a car.
Searching.
Demorph—demorph, and remorph, you won’t be able to get all the way out of the blast zone but you can find a cave a lake a rock—
Except that if I demorphed now, with nothing but a scrubby bush to hide under, they would absolutely see me. And I’d have to keep the boy quiet, explain what had happened, get him back into the morph a second time—
I stayed put, feeling the snipe body growing weaker by the second, counting the seconds in my head as my heartbeat became more and more sluggish.
Fifty.
One hundred.
One fifty.
Two hundred.
There wasn’t really a moment—one moment when I knew that it was too late, that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to make it out of the blast zone. It was more of a gradual thing, a slow settling of despair as the last shreds of hope slipped out of my grasp.
I had failed.
I had failed, and I was going to die. In twenty minutes, the asteroid would hit, not even a mile away, and the blast was going to kill me.
It was less distressing than I’d thought it would be. I wasn’t sure why—maybe it had something to do with all of the other people who’d be going with me, or with my parents, or with the fact that I knew the others had all made it out alive. Maybe I was just tired—delirious, as the snipe began to lose consciousness and drift into the darkness.
But either way, it was almost peaceful. I was free. There was nothing left to do—nothing left to prove—nobody to impress. It didn’t matter whether I was a good person or a bad one, whether Jake was proud of me or not, whether the real Cassie was the girl I tried to be or the girl I was when I wasn’t trying.
Beating my one wing against the ground, I tried to roll over, to turn one eye toward the sky, but I couldn’t do it. Giving up, I stayed face down, my beak pressing into the dirt, the sun warming the feathers on my back.
I’m sorry, Dad.
I listened to the chirping of the crickets, the whispering of the grass and the breeze, the distant sound of the burning building. I thought about Peppermint, and what it had been like to live inside her body for a while—the grace, the power, the freedom. I thought about third grade, and I thought about college, and I thought about the Gardens—about the otters, who were my favorite, who knew me when I went to visit them.
I thought about Jake.
He would blame himself, I knew. For letting me go, for not stopping me. For making it, when I didn’t. It would be hard for him, but he would have Tom there to help him through it. And besides, he was tough—tougher than he gave himself credit for.
What’s the last thing you want to think about, girl?
I closed my eyes, each breath a little shallower than the last. I wanted to think about a book—Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak. My favorite book, when I was just learning how to read, when I thought the monsters in it were real, that I could meet them someday. I thought about Max, in his animal suit, sailing across the wild sea. I thought about the wild things—how they turned out to be friendly, and made him their king. I thought about the end of the story, when he sailed back home, and his supper was still hot.
I let out one last breath, and I thought about nothing.
There was light.
And heat.
And noise.
And silence.
Chapter 22: Interlude 4
Notes:
Tobias will be posted this week, hopefully by Wednesday but definitely by Saturday evening PST. If you feel like supporting, Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Interlude—before
“I shouldn’t count,” said the gangly orphan boy, Tobias. “You can bring Cassie and Tom and Marco’s dad.”
The player tweaked the controls on its physical avatar, lifting the lips a small distance, crinkling the skin near the corners of the eyes. In an infinitesimal fraction of a second, the player composed a message, translated it, transcribed it into code and entered it into the simulation. “You have a point,” came the words, the you subtly emphasized.
Another adjustment, and the avatar turned toward the girl, Cassie. “Is that what you want?”
The girl hesitated. “I—” she began, and then faltered. “I’m not—”
In another dimension, on another plane of existence, an alert sounded, and with little more than a thought, the player terminated the simulation. Yet again, the odds of success had dropped below the necessary threshold.
The player surveyed the landscape, adjusting its time horizon. The search space was large, almost unmanageably so—trillions of bits of data, in a fractal of chaotic organization, from quarks all the way up to bodies and buildings. An uncountable number of levers, of lines of influence, and few clues to make the relevant distinct from the meaningless.
Yet every scrap of efficiency mattered. Every effort not taken, every force left unleveraged, each molecule undisturbed. The simulation was infinitely malleable, and could be altered arbitrarily, but reality was ponderous, and changes costly to make. There could be endless ways to produce the desired effect, and none of them would matter if they weren’t practical—if they required too great an investment, burned too many resources. The rules of the game were clear—when the moment came, there could be no discrepancies between the true pool and the projection, no unfair manipulation via cheap and easy deception. It had to be real, down to the smallest peak in the quantum wave function.
A calculation ended, and a list expanded, highlighting every possible point of intervention given the data from the most recent iteration. An algorithm began, guided by the player’s instincts—filtering, narrowing, refining the list until a manageable billion options remained. Selecting from among them—a breeze minutely strengthened, so that a passing chill made a woman go back for her coat—the player began the simulation once more, carrying it up to the critical moment—
“I shouldn’t count,” said Tobias. “You can bring Cassie and Tom and Marco’s dad.”
The player tweaked the controls on its physical avatar, lifting the lips a small distance, crinkling the skin near the corners of the eyes. In an infinitesimal fraction of a second, the player composed a message, translated it, transcribed it into code and entered it into the simulation. “You have a—”
“No,” Cassie began—
“Cassie, listen,” said one of the other boys—the stocky one, the leader—Jake Berenson. “This isn’t—”
Once more, the alert sounded, and once more, the player terminated the simulation. A cascade of data flowed into its analysis, from the beat of Cassie’s heart to the ebb and flow of neurotransmitters in her brain. Subroutines analyzed every sight she had taken in, every sound that had registered, the twists and turns of her emotional state. Flags were dropped in a thousand different places, indicating a thousand possible branches to explore, and those thousand branches were fed back into the higher routine, where some were considered and evaluated and others summarily discarded.
Slowly, the player moved closer.
* * *
Interlude—during
We do not understand. Six-three-four-eight-one was here, and now six-three-four-eight-one is there—
[Danger! Peter Levy and Tom Berenson are Controllers—they will injure Ax!]
Then we must intervene, of course. But what has happened?
[Two, have you moved?]
[No. Has three?]
[No. Has four?]
[No. Has five?]
[No. Has six?]
…
…
…
…
[No. Has one-three-nine-three-two-zero?]
[No. Has one-three-nine-three-two-one?]
[No.]
Only six-three-four-eight-one. We do not understand. It is teleportation, but teleportation is only a word; it is not a meaning. It is not a how or a why.
[We have the situation under control. Peter Levy and Tom Berenson will not injure Ax. Based on the interlink signals, these others with me are Jake Berenson, Marco Levy, Garrett Steinberg, and the female.]
We do not understand. Where are their construct bodies?
[They do not have any.]
This is not a meaning.
[They are emerging directly from the gate, with no construct to disassemble.]
This is not a meaning.
[There is no evidence of footsteps or other disturbances to the area around us. Whatever process brought us here likely also brought Peter Levy and Tom Berenson and Ax and the gates of Jake Berenson, Marco Levy, Garrett Steinberg, and the female.]
We are reviewing our memories of the moment of transition.
They do not provide clarity.
We are communicating with Peter Levy and Tom Berenson.
[They are not providing clarity.]
Perhaps we will communicate with Jake Berenson, when he has fully emerged? Jake Berenson has provided clarity, in the past, as has Marco Levy—
[It will have to wait. Sergeant Pepper has decided to join the game.]
We are happy. Sergeant Pepper did not like leaving the yard, and has not played as often as he did before. It is good to see him running alongside the others. Monty and Daisy in particular are very excited to see him—Monty nipping at his heels, Daisy racing out ahead to impel him to greater speed.
[Should we produce the stick?]
[Not yet. This is a good chase. We should wait until it is over.]
We watch as Chance, Winston, Princess, and Bella break away from the rest of the pack, forming a second group that arcs away toward the far side of the yard before looping back, the two lines of dogs mixing and mingling in joyful chaos. Winston stops short, and Daisy crashes into him—
[Concern!]
—but they are both already back on their feet, running flat-out as they try to catch up with the others.
[The stick.]
[Or the ball.]
[Yes.]
Four-nine-nine-nine produces the stick. Heedless, Sergeant Pepper and Monty and Chance continue to run, but Daisy and Winston and Princess and Bella all come to a halt, their eyes wide and alert, their limbs quivering with barely contained excitement.
[Now?]
[Not yet.]
We will throw the stick, but anticipation makes it all the sweeter—
[We must leave! At once!]
We do not understand at first, but seven-two-four-zero-seven’s memory is clear. We have very little time.
[Is it violence?]
We fall silent for a moment, thinking.
Yes, it is violence—on a scale we have not seen since the great war. But we cannot prevent it, not with so little time. We must preserve ourselves—
[And the dogs!]
Yes, of course, it goes without saying—
[This may be related to what has happened to six-three-four-eight-one.]
[Yes. It is. Somehow, we were moved to a safe distance.]
We have begun to evacuate. Sergeant Pepper and Monty and Chance and Daisy and Winston and Princess and Bella are the closest, and we gather them almost immediately. The Duke and Noam Chompsky and Akela and Julius and Lucy and Clifford and Maya and Marceline and Chester and Pupsicle and Buddy and Rocky and Toby and Molly and Ladybug and Puddles and Coco and Shadow and Duck and Madeline and Margaret Thatcher were all a little farther away, but they are safe now, we have them with us. And soon we will have Gizmo and Penny and Bentley and Spark Pug and Lulu and Pocahontas and Whuff and Luna and Dixie and Cheeto and Dipper and Maximus and Bean and Kitten and Bigfoot and Radar and New Yeller and the slightly larger Princess and the slightly smaller Monty and Bounder and Bolt and—
[The others!]
We are distressed. There are thousands of them—the ones without owners, and the ones whose owners are unaware.
[We have to try!]
[The risk of discovery—]
[We have already been discovered.]
It is true. We continue to hide, but we take less care with noise and pressure, moving quickly enough that even with holograms it is theoretically possible to track our movement. We rescue Spot, and Jasper, and Chip—
[The human. It is suffering.]
We feel sadness—the deep, echoing sadness that reminds us of—
[We will bring the human.]
[Careful! We cannot risk—]
[It is young. Its family will perish. Its domicile will be destroyed. There will be no evidence. We will keep it.]
We have done this before, on occasion—when discovered, or when it is the safest way to protect and care for a dog. We were not meant to care for humans, but we have learned how, and it is not difficult. We agree, and we carry on.
Hunter and Snuffles and two more Spots and another Bella and four strays on the street with no names—we will call them Godric, Salazar, Helga, and Rowena—and Spam and Bark Twain and Socks and Thor and Snowball and Richard Garfield, Ph.D and T-Bone and Peanut and Rex and John-John and Wendy and Sputnik and Oprah…
* * *
Interlude—(long) after
She is already crying, beneath the moonlight—tears streaming down her face as the change begins, as her skin lightens from the brown of dinosaur bones to peaches-and-cream, as her hair lengthens and unkinks and turns soft and silky. Her sobs are silent—restrained—but they shake her entire body, as if tearing their way out of her chest.
The tears flow right through the transformation, as she becomes he, as every trace of her disappears back into the void, leaving only him behind. For long, long minutes, he sits, silent, curled tight into a ball. He clutches his knees, his eyes squeezed shut, his lips bared in a rictus smile.
Eventually, he cries himself out—as he has before, as he always does—his face growing slack and hopeless, despair writ large in every muscle as he slumps, sideways, staring at nothing in particular.
And then a shadow flickers across his face—something dark and ugly, a grasping, frantic, desperate neediness, like a starving child, a caged animal, an addict in burning withdrawal. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists, the strength returning to his body, and his eyes focus—still distant, but very much on target.
The change begins—thick muscles dissolving into graceful, slender limbs, a jaw softening into roundness, dark stains spreading across his skin as he becomes her once again. A minute and a half, and she is there beneath the moonlight, her breath faintly misting, her heartbeat almost audible. She is alive, and somewhere inside her head, he reaches for a door, and opens it.
‹Cassie,› he whispers. ‹It’s me.›
Chapter 23: Chapter 19: Tobias
Notes:
Author's note: This is the complete version of Chapter 19, which had its first part published on 6/5/2016 and its second part published on 6/11/2016.
As always, I ask that you post comments, reviews, and critiques, either here or over on r/rational, where there's a lively discussion board with a lot of interesting thoughts and theorizing. We're somewhere in the vicinity of the halfway point, and I love hearing what people like, what people hate, what hints and clues people have noticed, and what conclusions they've drawn about the future. Your feedback keeps me going!
Lastly, Ao3 demands that authors pretend that money doesn't exist, so this note has been updated to reflect that.
Chapter Text
Chapter 19: Tobias
IT IS DONE.
And without warning—without even the tiniest physical sensation—I was back.
No burning Yeerk pool. No strange, elfish god. No laser beams hovering at the back of my little brother’s head. Just a small, ordinary-looking office, with a single, tidy desk and a window with a distant view of the Potomac river.
I glanced down at my blue Andalite hands—glanced down with my stalk eyes while my main eyes stayed forward, watched my ten slim fingers curl into fists as my double thumbs folded over them. Five seconds ago, those hands had been human, the knuckles swollen and bleeding where they’d smashed into Jake’s face.
In front of me, the man behind the desk—Jeremiah Poznanski, a mid-level operative at the Department of Homeland Security—was scribbling furiously on a notepad, just as I’d told him to do. I’d said it was to prevent his half of the conversation from being recorded, and he’d given absolutely nothing away as he nodded, knowing full well that there was a camera watching from each corner of the room.
—priority to establish a core of known-clean operatives, start securing area. 100+ high-value targets in perimeter (SS, exec, legis, CIA, FBI, NSA, Penta, my superiors, four billionaires, eight CEOs, lobbyists, journalists). Once we have core, can send team to investigate Ventura. Confirm no way to ID compromised from outside? No giveaways?
I couldn’t help it. I began to laugh, my morphed body translating the impulse into a sort of staccato stomping as my tail curled and quivered.
In front of me, Jeremiah stopped writing—frowned—jotted a single line off in the margin of the page.
Something wrong?
My thoughts were—sliding. Like a giant stack of magazines, or a mud-covered hillside, gradually picking up momentum as my mind began to unravel.
Sir? Elfangor?
I ignored him, ignored his tiny little paper, his silly little scratchings, sank to the floor and continued to shake, wild laughter echoing silently—unsatisfyingly—in my head. I wanted a mouth. I wanted a mouth so I could howl. Without so much as a thought for the consequences, I began to demorph.
It was just too funny, you know? The seven of us, trying so hard, trying—ha—our best—hanging on by our fingertips, scrambling for every inch, every tiny scrap of intel or advantage, and the whole time—the whole time—the whole thing—just a game, just pawns—alien warlords who could wipe entire cities off the map—insane chess gods with crazy time powers—and Garrett and I could turn into birds, and we thought that would matter, I thought it was enough to keep us safe—and now suddenly I was back, back here with this Washington spook, and the things I’d told him so far were a house of cards, it was all puppetry, I’d told him just what we wanted him to know, like I could somehow stay in control—
In front of me, Jeremiah was on his feet, frozen with indecision, his pen and paper forgotten. I saw his eyes twitch toward his desk drawer—the drawer where he kept his issue sidearm, a loaded Beretta M9 with the safety off—and I laughed harder, wheezing huffs emerging from the gash in my face as my mouth appeared, as my skin crawled backwards to merge with my half-human trachea.
I’d been so careful. So many houses, so many people—digging through minds, dodging security systems, always morphing with one of Ax’s shredders in my hands. Thirty Controllers—that was our best guess, based on the tiny bit of data from Ax’s planetwide scan, back when we’d first woken him up. There were maybe thirty Controllers scattered across Washington, and I’d been doing everything I could to avoid attracting their attention, to find out who and where they were without giving anything away. I must have acquired and morphed a hundred different people over the past week, sneaking in and out of bedrooms, stunning people in their sleep. Jeremiah Poznanski’s son slept with an open window. Jeremiah Poznanski slept alone in a king size bed since his wife left last year.
Jeremiah Poznanski wasn’t a Controller. None of them were. Visser Three was dropping asteroids, and I was sneaking around on tiptoe.
I squeezed my eyes shut—just the two of them, as the stalks shriveled and shrank and vanished under my hair—squeezed them shut as tears began to leak out.
<Investigate the city,> I’d told him—not even five minutes ago, before being snatched away by whatever-the-fuck that little Keebler god had been. I’d told him about the YMCA, the hospital, the high school. Told him about the valley. The Gardens. The Bug fighters hovering over Jake and Rachel and Marco’s houses. Told him to use satellites for surveillance—to investigate the people who should’ve already been doing that surveillance, to see if they’d been taken.
Because I’d assumed the city would still be there.
Because I’d assumed that things made sense—that even in a world with secret alien invasions and teenagers with morphing technology, there were some things that just didn’t happen, cities didn’t just disappear because it was more convenient that way.
We were not ready for Visser Three.
And if we weren’t ready for Visser Three, I didn’t even know what we weren’t, with regards to whatever Crayak and Ellimist were up to.
So I laughed. Laughed as my human body finished emerging, clothes and bookbag and all—laughed as I pushed myself up to my feet, laughed as the shredder grew out of my palm and I leveled it at Jeremiah Poznanski, making him swallow visibly.
Hands flat on desk, didn’t even go for his gun, willing to die rather than risk pissing off the nice alien visitor, what a patriot—
I thought about Garrett, frozen in time, his death a mere heartbeat away, and I laughed.
I thought about Cassie, who even now would be in a race for her life—unless the whole thing had been a prank, a troll, one giant fucking intergalactic lie—and I laughed.
I thought about Louis, and Fletcher, and Johnny, and all the other kids from Oak Landing, who would all be dead in thirty minutes. I thought about Jake, and Rachel, and Marco, who would not—unless they would—and I cackled madly, my whole body shaking.
So this is what a nervous breakdown feels like, a part of me whispered.
My thoughts were swirling, my brain off-kilter. Like the time I’d thought the magic Rice Krispies treats weren’t doing anything, so I’d gone ahead and eaten four more.
In front of me, Jeremiah’s paralysis had finally broken, and he reached for the phone on his desk. I didn’t bother to stop him, just laughed harder, wheezing. The phone wasn’t connected to anything; I’d made sure of that before ever setting foot in his office.
“Elfangor—” he began, his voice quiet—hesitant—unsure.
“Elfangor’s dead,” I managed to choke out, and the look on Jeremiah’s face triggered another wave of hysterical giggles.
“What—”
“Fuck it,” I said, dropping heavily into the chair in front of the desk. For a single, split second, a tiny voice inside of me shouted that maybe—just maybe—the meteor strike would buy us some cover, that maybe Visser Three would assume he’d killed all of us, as long as I didn’t give us away here in D.C.
But that just made me crack up again. Clever little boy, clever plans, so tricksy, that’s cute. “Fuck it,” I repeated, barely managing to hold the shredder steady. “Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck that fuck me fuck you fuck everything fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—” and then I laughed some more because it sounded just like the song that Zach had showed me in the library, that got us kicked out, the guy with the bad teeth and the weird afro—
“Are you—” Jeremiah began, before breaking off to swallow again. “Are you going to kill me?”
He’s really handling himself quite well, all things considered. Not everyday you come back from your bathroom break to find an alien waiting to tell you about a bodysnatcher invasion before transforming into a crazy teenager with a blaster. I should tell his boss to give him a raise.
“How’s fifty an hour sound?” I wheezed.
Slowly, smoothly, keeping his eyes on me the whole time, Jeremiah leaned back, began to reach toward his desk drawer. I watched impassively, still laughing, as he slid it open—watched as he glanced down—as he did a no-shit real-life double take, a look of horror and disbelief settling onto his face.
“Looking for this?” I asked, reaching into my bookbag with my free hand, drawing out the gun. I grinned involuntarily—it was just so funny to see him there, to see that he didn’t know what was going on, had no idea how to respond, so lost, so scared, no script, no plan, didn’t know, didn’t know, didn’t know—
Tobias! Pull it together, man!
Why, though? Having it together was not going to matter. Having it together was not going to help me deal with Darth Vader chucking asteroids around, or Q turning everybody into puppets.
This is serious! Garrett—
Was either alive or dead, had already alived or died, and there was nothing, absolutely no thing at all that I could do about it.
—would fucking slap you in the face for giving up right now.
But that was because he was a naïve little kid, because I had protected him, sheltered him, stopped him from having to face the cruelty, the utter insanity of everything that was now impossible to ignore, if I was a better friend I wouldn’t have lied to him, would have just told him when I saw his birth parents at the mall with their eight-year-old daughter, so rich and clean and happy—
Jeremiah cleared his throat. “What—” he said, and then faltered. “I don’t—can you tell me what—just happened? What’s going on?”
Why did you suddenly lose your fucking mind, kid?
“I’ve just received a transmission from the mothership,” I said, my voice still shaky with laughter. “No point investigating Ventura county—Visser Three is taking a mulligan.”
“What?”
“There’s an asteroid coming. Garrett blew up the pool, and they’re all going to starve, so Visser Three’s starting over because dealing with a bunch of starving headaches—”
Tobias! Come on!
“—he’s got twelve more ships coming in like five months, so why bother—”
“Stop,” Jeremiah cut in, his voice tense. “Wait. Do you want—I mean, should we be talking out—”
“That was a lie,” I broke in. “I know you’ve got cameras and bugs everywhere and your agents and the fifth floor, I was trying to make you think I didn’t know everything, Jeremiah Poznanski who used to eat five boxes of Lucky Charms a week, who got blackout drunk and beat his kid, you should feel in control so you can relax because I’m not dangerous.”
I felt my lips twitch at the words in control, but I held it together—barely.
Jeremiah no longer looked even remotely composed. His eyes were darting back and forth—from the door, to the pair of guns I was holding, to me, to the papers on his desk. He was starting to sweat, and I could see a tremor in his jaw.
Good. Now he fucking knows how I feel.
“What do you mean, an asteroid?” he asked finally.
I could feel the laughter creeping in around the edges, the wild hysteria that I was just barely keeping at bay. There was a part of me that was horrified, watching the whole train wreck as it unfolded in slow motion—the dropping of the mask, the ruin of all my careful planning and maneuvering—but the rest of me just couldn’t find a reason to care.
Fuck it. Just tell him straight.
“We’ve been trying to find a way into the pool,” I said, fighting valiantly to hold my voice steady. “Blow it up, cut off their food supply, starve them out. Looks like we succeeded, maybe half an hour ago. But Visser Three was one step ahead of us. He had a cloaked asteroid waiting behind the moon, and he’s launched it. It’s going to hit right on top of the YMCA. There won’t be anything left—not the pool, not the hospital, not the whole goddamn city. It’ll leave a ten-mile crater in the middle of Ventura county. He’s going to kill all of them. Everybody.”
I could feel the mudslide slowing, feel my brain slowly stitching itself back together. It was like swimming up from the bottom of a deep pool—for the first time, I noticed that the arm holding the shredder was trembling, felt the sweat that was trickling down the back of my neck. I felt weak—loose—like I was recovering from the flu.
“When?” Jeremiah asked tightly.
“About thi—twenty five minutes,” I said, feeling my Joker grin shrink a little further. A small voice in the back of my head had begun to moan—oh, God, what have you done, he’s seen your face—
Jeremiah started to stand. “We have to—”
“No,” I interrupted, raising the shredder half an inch. “Think.”
He froze, and we locked eyes. Another voice arose in the back of my head, this one sounding an awful lot like Marco—come on, don’t do the stupid cliché grownup thing, please be actually smart—
“Right,” he said, settling back into his chair. A shadow passed over his face, and I relaxed my elbow a little. “Right. Okay. We—”
He trailed off, scrubbed at his forehead, and looked over at me again. “Right,” he repeated.
There was a long pause.
“You aren’t actually an alien, are you?” he asked quietly. “You have access to one. But you’re human.”
I said nothing—just continued to hold his gaze.
“You’re scared,” he said. “Of the people they’ve taken here in D.C.”
“And in New York, Silicon Valley, Tokyo, Seoul, Jakarta, Delhi, Beijing, Moscow, Istanbul, São Paulo, and London,” I said, rattling off the list Marco and I had put together from Ax’s map. I was not about to try to explain Crayak and Ellimist on top of everything else. “If they have a hundred Controllers in each—”
“Do they?” he asked.
“No. I don’t think so. Maybe thirty.”
“How are they managing it? Without pools, I mean. You said every three days—”
“We thought about that. Some of them could be flying back and forth to California, but it wouldn’t make sense for them all to do that, especially important ones—”
“Like the President.”
“Right. They could maybe just be killing their way through hosts and Yeerks, if they had to, or they could be getting Kandrona some other way—like, concentrating it down from the pool, and getting it through an injection or a pill. That can’t be easy, though, or they’d do it all the time. Best guess is, they’re cycling Yeerks in and out of stasis—”
“What?”
I hesitated for a moment. I could still feel mud and fog clogging up my thoughts, still sense manic laughter lurking just around the corner. I was shaken, confused—in no state to be making important strategic decisions. The plan had been to tell Jeremiah almost everything, but in my disguise as Elfangor, not as a human teenager who could be intimidated, marginalized, dismissed.
So what? Either way, he’s going to do what he’s going to do.
But in the original version, I would still have been able to call some of the shots—
You just saw how much of a difference that makes.
I sucked in a breath. Five months. We had five months to prepare for the second round of Visser Three’s invasion. Five months during which he might drop asteroids, kidnap heads-of-state, send cloaked and shielded Bug fighters to vaporize population centers. We’d bought ourselves some breathing room, but the Yeerks still held the high ground. The second they thought we were gaining the upper hand, they’d decimate the Earth’s population.
How much of that did Jeremiah understand? He was an intelligence agent, after all—it was his job to understand strategy. In the abstract, he’d probably do a better job of it than I would—
—especially given that you just fell apart at the seams five minutes ago.
It all boiled down to a question of who. Who had Visser Three ordered taken? Who was watching? Who could I trust? Who did we need on our team, to start getting the Earth ready for the next round?
I didn’t have the answers. Jeremiah Poznanski of the Department of Homeland Security, though—
He probably didn’t have them either, but he knew where to look. That’s why I’d chosen him in the first place. He was the first link in the chain, the first step in a bootstrapping process to get me connected with the people who actually mattered.
—what do you mean, actually mattered, none of us actually matter, this whole thing is a fucking joke, it’s a game—
The voice was still there, but it was no longer the loudest thing in my head—no longer able to lever the rest of me into hysteria and despair. A memory of Garrett floated up in response—my own words, but they no longer felt like they belonged to me.
—and if we can’t, we’ll just do the next thing, and the next, and the next. We’ll keep on trying until we figure out a way.
I lowered the shredder, watching to see how Jeremiah would react. His shoulders dropped half an inch, but otherwise he remained motionless, waiting.
Reaching into my bag, I drew out one of the stasis cylinders we’d stolen after Jake woke up. I leaned forward and set it on the desk.
“That’s a Yeerk,” I said, and Jeremiah’s eyes widened fractionally. “Inside. It’s in stasis; I don’t know how. Controllers carry these for emergencies, in case somebody figures them out and they have to do a quick infestation. Stun somebody, put the canister up to their ear, push that button—”
I trailed off. Jeremiah nodded tightly. Reaching out for the cylinder, he paused. “Is it dangerous?” he asked. “Fragile?”
I shook my head, and he picked it up. “You can analyze that all you want,” I said. “Bring the Yeerk out, study it. Maybe even infest somebody, see if you can develop a way to detect Controllers from the outside. But whatever you do, the Yeerk’s got only three days, unfrozen, before it starves.”
Jeremiah held the cylinder up at eye level, looking closely at the construction, the controls. “So if you had, say, ten of these—”
“—then you could keep somebody Controlled for a month, yeah. Swap in, swap out. That’s what we figured. It’s not going to be easy—there are probably some issues with changing Yeerks every time, and you’d have to arrange to keep the host body secured during the transition—”
“—but it’s a hell of a lot easier than flying the President out to California every three days.” Jeremiah set the cylinder down, looking grim. “What else can you give me? That weapon, for example—do you have a spare we could send to the lab, to start reverse engineering?”
I felt the beginnings of another crazy laugh, and squashed them mercilessly. Not now, dammit. Raising the shredder again, I popped the catch to release the charge canister and set both of them on his desk. Reaching into the bag, I drew out one of Ax’s spare earplugs—he’d given me eleven once he realized we didn’t have similar technology of our own, having used up three on something he didn’t want to talk about—and explained what it was for.
“We should also probably consider telling someone about the meteor strike,” he said cautiously. “Someone who isn’t in one of those cities—someone in a position to record what happens, who we’ll have an easier time convincing and recruiting later if we’ve already proven ourselves by predicting this in advance.”
“Do you know who that might be?” I asked, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Because there’s not much more than twenty minutes left.”
He bit his lip. “Maybe.” He glanced down at the shredder, then back up at me. “Depends on whether or not you’re going to lift whatever block you have on my phone.”
I stared right back. “Depends on whether you’re going to stop trying to fuck me over,” I said flatly.
There was another long pause.
“So you were lying,” Jeremiah said softly. “You can read minds.”
I said nothing. It wasn’t quite mind-reading, after all—I’d dug through Jeremiah’s thoughts and memories hours ago, while morphed into his body, but that didn’t mean I had anything like the ability to predict what he was thinking on the spot.
“Section two, subsection three,” I said, and he winced.
You had to give Homeland Security some credit. They had actual procedure for interacting with extraterrestrial visitors, all laid out in a huge, branching decision tree that ranged from friendly to hostile, alone to en masse, English-speaking to incomprehensible, carrying tech or not—every possibility I could have come up with and more. Section two, subsection three dealt with gullible, vulnerable, isolated aliens, who could potentially be tricked or trapped or forced to give up valuable technology.
Jeremiah might believe me about the Yeerks. There was no way to be absolutely sure, but he certainly seemed to be taking the threat seriously. But he’d also been stringing me along, keeping me talking, trying to give his colleagues a chance to set up a net in the hallway, the adjacent offices, the floor below, and the roof. There was a pressure pad beneath the carpet, near the corner of his desk, and he’d triggered it almost as soon as I’d made my presence known.
“They’re not coming,” I said, looking pointedly at the slightly discolored spot on the carpet. “The second you walked into the room, we froze every channel of communication in and out. No radio, no light, no electromagnetic signals of any kind. The track they’ve got on your heartrate monitor has been watching a loop for as long as you’ve been sitting here. There’ve been two phone calls and three instant messages, and as far as anybody outside this room can tell, you’ve answered all of them normally. I’m not an idiot, Agent Poznanski.”
To his credit, Jeremiah didn’t try to deny it, didn’t get flustered. Without the slightest change in his facial expression, he opened his mouth and shouted. “Fire!” he called out, his eyes flickering toward the door. “Fire in Poznanski’s office! Help!”
I didn’t move. Together, we waited—ten seconds, twenty. Finally, he shrugged.
“The procedure exists for a reason,” he said simply. “It’s easier to fool a single agent than to fool the whole department. It’s exactly because of threats like your Yeerks that we want as many eyes on a given situation as possible, as soon as possible.”
“You can’t risk it,” I said. “You can’t trust your department. I cleared Stevenson, Ramos, Butler, and Wyle on my way up to you, but even they might have been taken in the last day or so. Visser Three took out a whole county—including ten thousand of his own people—just because of a risk of exposure.”
“Does he know about you?”
I paused.
Stupid clever boy, things aren’t for sense.
“Yes,” I admitted. “I don’t know why we’re different.” Other than the god that says we are. “Maybe because we already had a chance to go public, and we didn’t. Maybe he doesn’t care about a small resistance, for some reason. But he’s not fucking around when it comes to the whole planet. If we start alerting the general population and he catches wind of it—the only thing keeping him from glassing every major city on the planet is that he doesn’t want to.”
“We have to start somewhere.”
“Yeah—somewhere outside Washington. Not with the people in this building. Agents in the field, agents in other cities—not New York or Silicon Valley, either—people who haven’t been anywhere near infested areas for at least two months.”
“Then why are you here? Why are you talking to me at all?”
“Because if they have the President, we have to get her back. Two birds, one stone. Someone like you can help get both balls rolling.”
He frowned. “Look. You haven’t given me any proof yet, okay? I mean—sure, yes, you’ve proven that you have telepathic abilities, that you’ve got transformational powers and a body that looks alien, that you’ve got a couple of shiny things that are plausibly unknown technology—if they’re not just movie props—and that you can shut down communications from my office. All of that means you’re somebody interesting, but it doesn’t mean there’s a secret alien invasion going on. I have to maintain some skepticism—for all I know, these Yeerks are the good guys, and you’re doing some kind of preemptive counter-counter-insurgency.”
“The asteroid—”
“Hasn’t happened yet. And even if it does, what’s to say that wasn’t your team? All I’ve got to go on is your word, and for Christ’s sake—you just had what sure looked to me like a meltdown five minutes ago. You aren’t exactly inspiring confidence, here.”
I clamped down on my knee-jerk response, forced myself to stop and think. “You’re right,” I said. “Okay? I admit it—you’re right. But look—you can see that it makes sense to be cautious, right? At least for now? I mean, if I am telling the truth—”
“There’s still a chain of command. I have to go to somebody—I have resources only to the extent that I play by the rules. If you want me to start investigating the rest of the department—if you want me to get these artifacts to somebody who can start to understand them—then I can’t just go rogue.”
“Who do you need? I can clear a couple of people, if you tell me who they are and where to find them.”
“See, that’s exactly what I’m not going to do, is tell you the names and locations of important targets in the Department of Homeland Security.”
I gave myself a mental kick. Just drag it out of him in morph later. “Point. More generally, then. Who would you go to if you thought everyone in the building had been compromised?”
“I’d go to the NSA, or the CIA, or the FBI, or the Pentagon—they’re all right around the corner. Which, by the way, is another element that makes your whole story more than a little difficult to believe. Seems to me that if this Visser Three is as competent as you’re making him out to be, he would have either set up shop right here in Washington, or gone to some tiny village somewhere with no internet where he didn’t have to worry about anybody noticing what was going on. What’s the thinking behind taking some random midsize city in California?”
I gritted my teeth. The conversation was spiraling out of control, and once again, I felt an almost irresistible impulse to laugh. At this point, it would almost be easier to just kill him and start over—but I couldn’t do that, either, because of how clever I’d been in setting up the whole conversation.
I glanced over toward the corner of the room—at the closed door, the empty carpet, the unobstructed wall.
“Who would you go to if you couldn’t trust anyone in Washington?” I asked, doing my best imitation of patience. “If this were one of those spy movie type situations?”
“DHS branch office in Chicago or Houston.”
“And if you couldn’t go to DHS at all?”
“I don’t have some magical ‘contact’ that lives ‘off the grid,’ if that’s what you’re asking. I know a couple of people at West Point, and I know at least one person at Los Alamos and another at DARPA. Might be able to get something done at Bell Labs, too, at least with the artifacts—my ID should open a few doors there. And if I’m just pulling rank, I could probably do a lot with a National Guard unit. They’re generally pretty friendly to DHS.”
“You got a way to send secure email?”
Jeremiah scoffed.
“I mean secure from your boss, too.”
“Yes.”
I looked at the clock. Fifteen minutes, give or take. “Okay. Those people, and only those people. A meteor’s about to hit Ventura county, you’ve got an extremely delicate situation you might need help with, they shouldn’t tell anybody, you’ll be in touch. Nothing else. Sound fair?”
Jeremiah had already opened his computer and was typing furiously.
“Rictic,” I said. “Check the messages before you let them through.”
Jeremiah glanced up at me and frowned, but said nothing. Fifteen seconds later, he finished, spinning the laptop around to show me the screen. “Want to rephrase them, so I can’t send any secret codes?” he asked, a note of sarcasm in his tone.
“Rictic,” I repeated. The screen flickered, the words rearranging themselves, and I nodded. Puzzled, Jeremiah turned the computer back around and then blanched, the blood draining from his face as he realized what had happened.
“You can click ‘send,’” I said.
He did, looking faintly nauseated, and then closed his computer. “So,” he said, his voice just a little too loud and indifferent. “That’s done. Now what?”
I pointed toward the stasis cylinder, earplug, shredder, and charge canister. “Can you actually get those things out of the building, without security noticing?”
His mouth twisted. “If I say yes, will you believe me?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking?”
I couldn’t help it. I grinned, a faint memory of Jake drifting up from the ancient past of a few weeks ago. “Because you might say no,” I answered.
“No, I can’t. They check everything, in and out.”
Nodding again, I reached forward to scoop the items into my bookbag, pausing as the lingering thought of Jake drew my gaze toward my knuckles. They were smooth and undamaged, with no trace of the beating I’d given the other boy.
The least important thing for you to be confused about.
“Then it’s up to you, I guess,” I said. “I’ve given you all the information I can. You know about Ventura. You know about the Yeerks. You know about thought-speak and the morphing power. If it turns out I can trust you—if you don’t do anything stupid while all of this is blowing up—then I’ll visit you at your house, and give these back. The sooner we can get human labs manufacturing this stuff, the better.”
It was—as Marco would have put it—insane. It would’ve been one thing to trust this guy after speaking to him as Elfangor, being one step ahead of him the whole time, giving him no reason to worry or doubt. It was a whole different thing, letting him go under these circumstances. He’d seen my face—seen me crack up and break down—been in control of the conversation more than half the time. If I’d left any lasting impression of my personality, it was as an unstable teenager with a gun, not as the aloof, genius alien I’d intended to be. I’d given up a lot of ground.
But there were gods, and asteroids, and even though I’d walked back at least a little bit from my brush with hysteria, the idea of sure and safe still largely seemed ridiculous. There was only so much to be gained from caution and cleverness—we had as little as five months to get ready before the rest of the fleet showed up, and it was time to start doing things Rachel’s way. Jeremiah Poznanski wasn’t the perfect ally, but he was what I had. That would either be enough, or it wouldn’t.
“What about you?” he asked.
Find Garrett.
“There are still thirty Controllers somewhere in Washington,” I said reluctantly. “Maybe the President, maybe the Pentagon, maybe one of those billionaires you mentioned. I’m going to keep looking.”
Jeremiah grimaced, seeming to struggle for a moment. “How are you—I mean, how do you plan to—get close?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been doing okay so far just sneaking into people’s houses. I’ve been trading up—that’s how I found you.”
His grimace deepened. “Paul Evans,” he said finally. “Secret Service.” He scribbled a few lines on a post-it note, held it out to me. “I don’t know him, exactly—not enough to tell you when his birthday is. But we had a few drinks together, after my wife left. If you catch him off-duty, my name should be enough to get him to stop and listen. That’s where I’d start—where I will start, if you want my help.”
Reaching out, I took the note. It seemed impolite to mention that I already knew all of that—that Paul Evans was a name I’d dragged from Poznanski Prime’s brain earlier that morning. “Thanks,” I said, dropping the note into my bag. “I’ll take it from here—you’re more valuable pulling strings inside the DHS.”
Standing, I shrugged the bookbag onto my shoulders.
“Where are you—how are you—”
“Window,” I said, and began to morph.
It was a test, but not much of one. If Jeremiah made any sort of violent move toward me, Rictic the Chee—currently poised invisibly in the corner by the door, where he’d been standing the whole time, keeping us shielded behind a comm blackout and a hologram—would stop him in his tracks. And if he tried to trap me, refused to let me go—
Well. Once Rictic let me out—I knew where he lived. Knew where his son went to school. It wouldn’t be too hard to get the robot to go run some small errand while I cleaned up loose ends.
Clever boy, clever plans.
The type of people who do the right thing.
Did you really think you were the main character of this story?
I shook my head, trying to set aside the voices as I continued to shrink toward the floor. I would have been more certain to avoid notice in fly morph, but I didn’t much like the idea of trying to find a safe demorphing zone as a fly, not to mention the fact that Jeremiah didn’t need to be grossed out any more than he already was. I knew from experience that it was hard enough watching someone change into a bird.
“That technology,” he said suddenly, a thoughtful note creeping into his voice. “Morphing. If you are human—they gave it to you? It isn’t species-specific?”
I tried to laugh, but my voice box had already disappeared, my lips protruding and hardening as my teeth dissolved into nothing. Ten seconds—I’d been ten seconds away from making the suggestion when I’d been snatched away by the time lord. It would have been the very next words out of my—well, the next thoughts out of my head, if the whole thing hadn’t gone sideways.
<Yes,> I said, as my skin shattered into feathers and my arms flattened into wings. <And I can give it to others, too. Will give it, as soon as I find people I can trust.>
I expected him to say more, but he was silent for the rest of the morph. Silent as I shrank down to barely ten inches long, silent as he opened the window for me, silent as I darted out into the warm afternoon sun, leaving Rictic to keep an eye on him.
I knew how he felt. I didn’t know what to say, either.
* * *
What do you do, five minutes before a disaster you have no way to prevent?
Tobias from an hour ago would have been darting toward the White House, or the Capitol building, hoping to catch the reactions of important people, to eavesdrop on sensitive conversations. He would’ve been motivated, energized—focused on the possibility that his efforts might make a difference.
I didn’t feel completely helpless. But I was a whole lot less confident than I had been that morning.
I drifted aimlessly across the city, catching the columns of warm air rising off the grass and letting them carry me up and up and up. In a minute, I was level with the peak of the Washington monument, some five miles away; with my hawk vision, I thought I could just barely make out figures moving behind the windows of the observation deck. Two minutes after that, and I was high enough that I could no longer hear any sound except the roar of the occasional passing jet.
Now? a part of my brain kept asking.
I kept rising as no became maybe, maybe became probably, and probably became definitely. I watched the tiny blobs of cars and trucks and people, waiting for—
What?
I’m not sure what I imagined. Maybe that all of the cars would stop, that all of the people would gather around shops and bars, peering at the TVs. Maybe that the Earth would shake, or there would be a flash of light and a thunderclap.
Something, you know?
But there was nothing. If it was going to happen, it had already happened, and down below, the slow crawl of life just—kept going.
There was a part of me that wanted to strike out west, to switch from hawk to snipe and power across the continent, to find Garrett and touch him and look into his eyes and talk to him and know that he was alive, that it had either all been some crazy dream or that the careless god had kept his word.
It wasn’t the right thing to do, though. It wasn’t the right thing, which meant I couldn’t do it, no matter how much I wanted to, because I was still Garrett’s number one reason to believe that the right thing was something that actually mattered. It wasn’t funny anymore, like it had been back in Jeremiah’s office—just sad and heavy and confusing.
If I wanted to give up, and didn’t—if I kept hanging on just so someone else wouldn’t give up, even though I thought giving up was probably the right move, even for them—
What should you do, when nothing you could do can possibly make a difference?
Even if it’s hard. We’ll keep on trying until we figure out a way.
Stupid kid. I could’ve killed Jake, if it wasn’t for the fact it was my own damn fault.
I wheeled in a lazy circle, tracing the curve of the horizon with the tip of my wing, trying to think, to understand, to decide.
I could go to the White House, where the President—probably—would make some kind of emergency speech.
I could go to Silver Spring, where Paul Evans lived, and try to acquire him, to see if there was an alien slug living in his brain.
I could go back to Jeremiah’s house, and try to slip inside when his son came home from school.
I could admit it didn’t matter, and go nowhere.
Is this what they want me to do? Elfangor’s gods? Are they hoping I’ll spin around in circles, accomplishing nothing?
If I’d had a human face, I would have scowled. There was no point in that kind of thinking. Either everything was predetermined, in which case who cared, or I still had freedom of choice, so it didn’t matter. The only thing that had changed was that now I was aware of the larger game, where before I’d just been oblivious.
Elfangor knew, though—didn’t he? He’d encountered them before—Crayak, or Ellimist, or both. That’s what he meant when he said we were on the widest path to victory.
Only that was bullshit—wasn’t it? Elfangor hadn’t thought the way to win was to save us. He’d come to burn the planet to a crisp. In fact—
Probably the whole reason his weapon didn’t work is that one of them interfered.
I shivered, shedding altitude. If you looked at it that way—
How many of the things that had happened to us hadn’t just happened? How many of them had been done to us? The Chapmans—Cassie’s parents—Jake, nearly getting eaten alive.
Jake, getting saved. Coming back, practically from the dead, through what seemed—in retrospect—like an awfully big coincidence.
Shit—the whale.
Suddenly, I understood what it was like to be religious. Really religious, like the kind of people who said things like “God works in mysterious ways” or “God helps those who help themselves.” For the first time in my life, it seemed possible that there really were no such things as coincidences.
It left me feeling very, very small.
Just—be alive, okay, Garrett?
Please.
I circled aimlessly for a few more minutes, climbing up until my breath began to mist and half the clouds were underneath me.
Okay, fine. You do matter, you don’t matter—whatever. You have to do something. You can’t just fly in circles forever.
Marco and Jake had sent me to get the President. As a distant second, to try to do some recruiting, or start a second resistance movement. But the President was the obvious target, the most important pawn. More than anything else, I needed to know if the Yeerks already had her.
And for that, I needed to get close—close enough to touch her in my own, human form.
Straightening out, I pointed my nose north and down, beginning the long, straight glide toward Silver Spring. Paul Evans, at 4240 Highwood Place.
I would try not to do anything clever.
* * *
Maybe I’d been doing it wrong for weeks, and I should’ve just been looking for Paul Evans from the very beginning. Or maybe I’d been doing it right all along, and getting to him—without having to go through any Controllers—was the payoff I’d been working for.
Either way, Paul Evans was the perfect ally.
I don’t know much about the Secret Service. Just what everybody knows, really—that they’re the one agency that’s never had a traitor, and that they jump in front of the President whenever bullets start flying.
But those two things say a lot, when you really think about them. People talk about patriots, but it’s a whole other thing when you’re actually ready to lay down your life for your country. Not to save your buddies in the foxhole, not to take down Adolf Hitler, not in heroic response to a sudden emergency, but just because you’ve volunteered to be the one they call, if they need someone to die.
I was waiting on his doorstep when he came home—late, at three in the morning, thanks to all the chaos from the meteor strike. I told him Jeremiah Poznanski sent me, that there was a threat to the President, and that I needed to talk to him about it, alone. He called one of his buddies to check on him in three hours, and then escorted me into his living room.
No hesitation. No fear. No questions. It wasn’t the sort of thing I could have done—or Marco, for that matter. For me, there was always a balancing act, always a dozen different things to juggle, and rule number one was protect yourself.
But Paul Evans wasn’t trying to protect himself. He had exactly one priority, and if hearing what I had to say meant exposing himself to danger, that was just the way things were. It was the sort of job I could see Jake growing up to have, or—oddly enough—Cassie.
“All right,” he said, settling himself into the armchair across from me. He stayed upright, not leaning back, his elbows resting on his knees. “What’s this about?”
I took a deep breath. I was alone—Rictic was still off keeping an eye on Jeremiah, and while he’d said he could be there fast if I called him, I didn’t know what good he would be in a fight, given his blocks against violence. I was wearing my morph armor—which, as far as I knew, the Yeerks were still in the dark about—but other than that, I was on my own. The odds were fifty to one against Paul Evans being a Controller, but if he was—
You’re already not in control, I thought. Don’t ever forget that.
And then—quieter—Garrett’s voice—
Not afraid.
I looked straight into Paul Evans’ eyes, tuning into him with every scrap of attention I could muster, every ounce of instinct I’d picked up off the street. “Andalite,” I said, looking for a twitch, a tightening, a change in the size of his pupils. “Yeerk. Visser Three.”
Nothing.
I exhaled, long and slow. “Those words mean anything to you?” I asked.
The answer would have been no in either case, but I believed him. I was no Jake, but even a Yeerk couldn’t have control that good.
“Um,” I said, suddenly feeling awkward. “Would you mind—uh—going and getting your sidearm?” He raised an eyebrow, and I shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe even pointing it—at me? I’m—um—probably some of this is going to make you really uncomfortable, and I’d sort of prefer that you felt—uh—in control.”
He said nothing for a long moment—just sort of looked at and through and all over me with a kind of Terminator gaze. “Are you carrying any weapons?” he asked quietly.
“Not yet. But—uh—it’s complicated. At some point, I—might be.” His expression tightened, and I hastened to clarify. “Not yours!” I added. “I just—”
He raised a hand, and I stopped talking, my jaw clicking shut. Pushing the armchair back a few feet, he stood and walked over to a cabinet next to the TV. He typed a four-digit number into a keypad by the handle, and with a click, the door swung open. When he came back, he was holding a very large, very black handgun.
“Thanks,” I said as he sat back down, the gun pointed at the coffee table between us. I sucked in another deep breath. “I—okay, look, I’m going to say a bunch of things that are going to sound really crazy, okay? And I kind of want you to give me the benefit of the doubt, so before I say any of them, I’d like to—sort of—prove that I’m not just some stupid kid? If you don’t mind?”
He tilted his head fractionally, but said nothing.
Here goes, I thought.
<John Evans,> I broadcast. <Secret Service, four-two-four-zero Highwood Place. No, you’re not going crazy, yes, this is coming from the kid in front of you. No, he can’t read minds. I, I mean. I can’t read minds. But I can think at you, and you’ll hear it. For instance, I’ve got a number between one and a hundred written down on a scrap of paper in my pocket. The number’s seventeen. Can I take it out?>
Score two for government agents either being really well trained or just being naturally cool under pressure. Paul Evans’ eyes widened when I first began thinking at him, and his knuckles whitened on the grip of his gun, but otherwise he didn’t react at all. Slowly, he nodded, and I reached toward my pocket with two fingers.
“What’s the number?” I asked aloud, just before drawing it out.
“Seventeen,” he said flatly.
I slid the scrap of paper across the coffee table toward him. He ignored it completely.
“We call it thought-speak,” I said. “Dumb name, I guess, but it’s shorter than saying ‘telepathy.’”
“We.”
His tone was still flat, the voice of a man who’s forcing himself to expect nothing, to be surprised by nothing. Professional.
“There’s more,” I said. “At some point in the next ninety seconds, a bookbag is going to sort of—ooze—out of my left hand, and a gun out of my right. Um. I’ll definitely keep the gun pointed away from you.”
I demorphed.
“What kind of weapon is that?” he asked, a hint of tension finally showing through his iron composure.
“Laser,” I said, morphing surreptitiously back into my armor inside my clothes, this time without incorporating the gun and the bookbag.
“Demonstrate,” he said.
I blinked. “What? How?”
“The floor. Next to the coffee table.”
“I—”
“Do it.”
Somehow, without seeming to actually move, his own gun had ended up pointed more or less directly at my chest. Swallowing, I turned the shredder toward the polished hardwood, and squeezed the trigger.
TSEWWWWW!
The flash faded, and we both blinked. The floor was undamaged—no gaping hole, no black scorch mark, nothing.
“It’s on stun,” I explained. “Mostly it just scrambles the nervous system. Can’t go around burning people—”
“Set it to maximum. Kill. Whatever. Some kind of reasonably high burn.”
I obeyed.
TSEWWWWW!
This time, the beam punched a ragged hole the size of my fist straight through the oak beams, filling the air with the smell of smoke and ozone.
“What’s in the bookbag?”
“It’s complicated,” I said, feeling my heart rate ease a little as my morph armor slid into place. Paul Evans didn’t seem like the kind of person who would shoot you on accident, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t shoot you, period. “I need to give you some context, first.”
“Weapon on the table.”
I nodded and complied, but slowly, making a bit of a production out of popping the charge canister and setting each of them carefully down on the glass. “I’m on your side,” I reminded him, and after a moment he gave a tight nod.
“My name is Tobias Yastek,” I began. “Y-A-S-T-E-K. If you check Social Security, you’ll see that I live—or I guess used to live—in Ventura County, California. And no, that’s not a coincidence.”
It took nearly forty-five minutes, but I told him everything, leaving out only the Chee and Elfangor’s gods. The morphing tech. The YMCA. The high school and the hospital. Everybody’s families. Kandrona and the stasis cylinders. Ax, and the sensor readings that had led us to believe there were thirtyish Controllers somewhere in Washington.
I told him about accessing memories from a morph, and he insisted I demonstrate, so I put on the body of Jeremiah Poznanski and dredged up as much as I could of the conversations they’d had over scotch after Jeremiah’s wife left him.
And then I told him about the asteroid. I made it sound like Ax had some kind of early-warning system, and that’s how the rest of them had known to bail out. I told him about Visser Three, and our sense that the Yeerks were only holding off on wholesale destruction because they thought their quiet infiltration was working.
“And you think they have President Tyagi,” Paul said when I finally finished, his voice as cold as ice.
“I don’t know. We couldn’t figure out what they were going for, maintaining a presence in Washington. It can’t be easy, without a pool. On the one hand—yeah, you obviously want the President. But on the other hand, there’s a lot of power held by people who’ve got a lot fewer eyes on them, right?”
“You said they starve out after three days?”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure that hasn’t changed.”
He stood up and began pacing, his gun forgotten on the table. “How can you detect them from the outside?”
I shook my head. “It’s not easy. Right now, the only reliable way is for me to acquire them in their sleep and then morph into them.”
“You can read the Yeerk’s memories, too?”
“No, but there’s usually plenty of other stuff that gives it away. The whole being mindraped thing.”
“What else?” Paul asked.
“What?”
“What other methods of detection?”
“Oh. Um—dogs. One of our group has this theory you could train one of those cancer-sniffing dogs to detect them. And we haven’t actually tried an MRI, obviously, but Yeerks are pretty big, and there’s bound to be some weird activity going on that a brain scan would pick up.”
“You said you’re giving the spare Yeerk to Poznanski?”
“If he doesn’t do anything stupid in the meantime. He thinks one of his lab friends might be able to do something useful with it.”
“We can do better than that,” Paul muttered, but then he grimaced. “If they’ve taken President Tyagi, though, we’re going to have a hell of a time. There’s zero chance we can come up with a way to keep her incommunicado for three days, especially since that means they’ll have her family and the White House staff and her current SS detachment at least.”
“Aren’t you—I mean, doesn’t that include—”
“I’m on Vice President Kehler.”
“Oh.” I paused as Paul continued to pace. “Anyway, I thought about that,” I continued, cautiously. “If we get eyes close enough, we could try to figure out when she’s feeding or switching Yeerks or whatever, and catch her near the end of the three day window, so there’s less of a wait. And we could use morphing tech to cover for her, if we had to.”
We could also get Rictic or one of the other Chee to try impersonating her, but that was a lot riskier than having direct access to her memories and personality. Unfortunately, for Paul, that wasn’t a plus.
“Absolutely not,” he said, a hint of steel underlying the words. “You don’t even begin to have the clearance it would take to have access to all the things she knows about, not to mention the fact that I’m not signing off on any plan that involves a stranger digging through her mind.”
“Even if there’s a Yeerk already doing that?” I argued. “Look—it doesn’t have to be me. It could be her husband, or the VP—hell, it could be you, if it had to be.”
He froze mid-step. “Wait,” he said. “You have the blue box?”
“I told you, remember? My friend Garr—”
“No,” he interrupted. “I mean, you have it? Here? It’s not back in California with the rest of your group?”
“Oh—no. I mean, yeah. Yes. I have it. Not here here, but—yeah.”
“Why?”
“What?” I asked, taken aback by the sudden intensity in his tone.
“Why do you have it? What did you intend to do with it?”
“Recruit,” I said, somewhat bewildered. “I thought that was obvious.”
“So you’re not giving it up for study, too?”
There was a long, long pause, during which Paul fixed me with another one of those X-ray looks, and I chose my next words very carefully.
“No,” I said slowly. “I’m giving up the gun and the stasis tube and the Yeerk, because those bear directly on the war effort. If we manage to get our hands on a shield or a cloaking device, I’ll pass those along, too. But the cube is ours. It’s our number one advantage, and the second we give it up, we’re no longer able to keep it safe from the Yeerks. I’ll give individual people the ability to morph, but I’m not handing over the source.”
There was another, equally tense pause, and then Paul nodded. “Fair enough,” he said. “What do I have to do to qualify?”
“To morph?”
“Yes.”
I bit my lip. Okay, that was fast.
Even though this was part of what I’d come to Washington to do—even though Paul Evans seemed like exactly the kind of person we wanted on our side—it just didn’t quite feel right. Not like it had when I’d given the power to Garrett. Paul was a stranger, complete and total—I knew nothing about him except the memory of a few drinks and the impressions of the past hour. If I gave him the morphing power, I’d be leveling him up into one of the most dangerous people on the planet. He would be able to go anywhere, do almost anything, look inside the mind of any person he crossed paths with.
It was a lot to ask for, coming from somebody I didn’t even know.
And yet—
I looked up and into Paul’s eyes. He was so much older than me—a grownup, a soldier, a patriot. A man who’d let a teenage kid into his house in the middle of the night, because he had something to protect. Who’d listened, and watched, without batting an eye. Who was now asking me for a weapon, because he wanted to get into the fight.
The type of people who do the right thing, even if it’s hard.
And then, another thought—another memory.
For the time being, at least, the game revolves around you—your decisions, your fate.
It wasn’t the sort of thing Marco would do.
But then again, Jake hadn’t sent Marco. He’d sent me.
“Just one thing,” I said, finally, breaking the silence. “Hold out your hand, and let me acquire you.”
* * *
For the third time that day, I explained. About Elfangor, about Visser Three, about the war that had been brewing, that had started in earnest just a few hours earlier. I explained, and the most powerful person in the world listened.
On one level, I was astonished. My model of how government worked came from movies and TV, where the President never did anything without a room full of people putting their two cents in. I’d basically assumed it would be impossible to talk to her alone, and doubly impossible for her to make any unilateral decisions, without first consulting a dozen other bigwigs that Paul and I would have to clear.
But here we were, and it seemed to be working. The whole thing gave me a new appreciation for the Yeerks—their outlook, their whole way of doing things. For weeks, I’d been feeling my way around D.C. in the dark, getting nowhere, doing a slow burn through security guards and cops and low-level government spooks. And then I’d had one conversation with Jeremiah—one conversation, and I’d leapfrogged straight from Paul Evans to the President of the United States. And now—
Now, humankind’s most advanced military was in the fight.
It was all about knowing the right people. Knowing them, or finding them—following the lines of connection, the web of relationships. It was the whole six degrees of separation thing—you were never more than a few handshakes away from a billionaire, or an admiral, or a Nobel Prize-winning scientist.
But by the same token, the Yeerks really needed only a handful of hosts to take over the world. Ninety-nine percent of Earth’s resources were owned by one percent of its population—it wasn’t literally true, but the metaphor was solid. How many countries were there, after all? How many truly important companies? There were only so many presidents, so many CEOs. You could conquer the whole world, with a thousand Yeerks in the right heads—would pretty much already have the world, no conquering needed. In six weeks, they’d basically taken over an entire city without anyone noticing. The only reason we hadn’t already lost is that they’d landed in Ventura County, instead of Washington or Beijing.
We’d gotten lucky. Or somebody had been pulling strings on our behalf. Either way, we couldn’t count on it the second time around. They’d be back—this time in strength—with all the knowledge that they’d culled from ten thousand human brains.
Not in control, never in control.
<May Tobias demorph, Madam President? He’s carrying the artifacts with him.>
An indistinct vibration, long enough to be a single word. Then—
<Go ahead, Tobias.>
Picking my way across fibers as large as tree trunks, I climbed up toward the light, out of the roll in Paul’s pant cuff. Launching myself away from his ankle, I zipped out into the open and landed somewhere in the middle of the seemingly infinite carpet.
<Sorry,> I apologized, as I began to demorph. <This is going to be pretty gross.>
We’d entered the White House over an hour earlier, having first waited for the morphing tech to finish analyzing Paul’s two DNA samples—mine and his own—and for him to spend a few minutes in my body, confirming my story. We’d debated various possible configurations—Paul as himself and me as Jeremiah, me as Paul and Paul as something small, Paul in morph armor with me morphed away inside—before settling on Paul in morph armor and me as a housefly.
“That way, I can carry a second gun past security,” he’d reasoned. “Plus, it’ll be much easier for me to get a private conversation with her alone than if I’m with an unscheduled, uncleared guest with no ID.”
It also meant that our conversation had been weirdly disjointed, with President Tyagi speaking directly to Paul, who’d translated in thought-speak that both of us could hear, with me broadcasting to both of them in turn. It wasn’t too bad, given that the President didn’t talk much—as an extra precaution, Paul had insisted that she limit herself to yes, no, and questions written in code—but it meant that I’d been explaining blind, without being able to gauge her reactions or see what kind of impact I was having.
And now I was coming out of fly morph, of all things—a horrific mixture of human and bug the size of a toddler, swelling up from her carpet like some sort of cancerous balloon. Not the best of first impressions, though it still probably beat out the day I’d met Jake while upside-down inside of a toilet.
<About ninety seconds, Madam President.>
Another vibration.
<Yes, Madam President. Regardless of size.>
Slowly, my fly vision changed back to normal, the million tiny shattered views popping one by one, like tiny bubbles merging together. I could feel my wings folding back and fusing together, track the loss of sensation as part of them expanded into the bookbag. I was facedown on the carpet, and I rolled over, immediately regretting the decision as I caught a glimpse of the look on President Tyagi’s face.
<Sorry,> I repeated, my still-insectoid limbs twitching reflexively.
She grimaced, nodding curtly.
<It’s not always this bad,> I said. <And it doesn’t hurt, so there’s that.>
She nodded again, her gaze unwavering despite her obvious disgust.
<If she’s a Controller, she’s doing a good job of it,> I said privately, to Paul.
He didn’t answer.
We had discussed the possibility in his house, before leaving, and agreed it didn’t seem likely—even with a hundred Yeerks, they couldn’t cover the First Family and the White House staff and the Secret Service and all of the other people who came into contact with the President every day. The risk of discovery—especially if she had to carry a stunner or store spare Yeerks in stasis cylinders—was just too high.
Probably.
Which meant that—if we were lucky—the only thing we were up against right now was Murphy’s Law.
And if we were unlucky—
Well. It was my job to get her out of there, one way or another. We didn’t have Rictic blocking communications—I’d thought about texting him, but there was no safe way to get him into the building, even with holograms—so we’d have to rely on Paul to hold the door long enough for me to fold her into a morph, if things went south. As a snipe, I could make it back to his house in under ten minutes; he’d left the back door open and a bunch of zipties, duct tape, and rope on the kitchen counter. None of the windows in the Oval Office opened, of course, and they were all bulletproof, but the shredder should be able to make a hole easily enough.
Thankfully, though, it didn’t look like it was going to come to that.
I climbed to my feet as the last of the changes rippled across my body, leaving me fully human. Paul and President Tyagi were sitting in two of the chairs in front of the huge, ornate desk, and I settled into a third, dropping the bookbag at my feet.
“Um,” I said reflexively, before Paul cut me off with a thought-speak hiss.
Of course the room is bugged, he’d scoffed, hours earlier. You think they bug the Department of Homeland Security and NOT the White House?
Leaning forward, President Tyagi extended her hand.
I glanced at Paul, whose eyes narrowed as he shook his head microscopically no.
I swallowed. Looked back at the President, then back at Paul. Jerked my head, hoping he would figure it out, and explain.
<The acquiring process requires touch,> Paul reminded her. <Neither one of us will touch you without permission.>
President Tyagi rolled her eyes, reached for her pen and paper and scribbled a line of gibberish, which she flashed impatiently at Paul.
<She says you can shake her hand, and please—>
She snapped her wrist, flourishing the paper.
<She says you can shake her hand, dammit, and please do not acquire her.>
I swallowed again, leaning forward to grasp her hand with mine. She smiled, and I smiled back—weakly—letting go as quickly as I could without being rude.
More scribbling. Impatient, I began to morph into my armor so that I would be able to thought-speak again. <She’s a little miffed that neither one of us mentioned you were a teenager,> Paul continued, translating. <She says—>
He paused, reading carefully.
<She wants to know if you know anything about the—roadrunners? Am I reading that corr—>
“Yes,” she said aloud. She began writing at breakneck speed, twisting awkwardly in her chair so that Paul could read as she went along.
<She says there was an incident yesterday—in Ventura County—about twenty-five minutes prior to impact. Extremely strong winds—car windows breaking in a rolling shock wave—a couple of sonic booms. All heading away from the city—mostly northwest—along the coast. Described by eyewitnesses as being like the roadrunner in the cartoon. They were about to dispatch investigators when—well.>
I frowned. <What—> I began, my thought-speak returning as my morph passed the halfway mark. <No—um—apparent cause? They didn’t see anything?>
“No.”
Some kind of Yeerk vehicles, getting out before the meteor hit?
But the Yeerks didn’t have anything that fast, or they would have used it to run us down when we started probing their operational security.
Something new, maybe? Something they just developed?
President Tyagi cleared her throat, and I twitched. <Sorry,> I said hastily. <I was th—I don’t know. Not related to us. Maybe it was the Yeerks, removing material before impact?>
She nodded tightly, adding a few more nonsense words to the page.
<That’s her best guess at the moment, as well.> Paul waited as she continued to write. <She wants—can you give another run-down of the Yeerks’ known capabilities?>
<What do you mean?> I asked him in private thought-speak.
<Stats and tech,> he answered quietly. <She wants a summary she can give to the military.>
I took a deep breath. A lot of that had been covered in bits and pieces during my long, winding explanation, but—
<One capital ship, waiting behind the moon. That’ll have a pool with half a million Yeerks in it, and be about three thousand feet long, with room for maybe twenty thousand crew. It’s got about a dozen beam weapons that can hit targets on the ground from orbit, and it’s got a force field around it.>
I’d spent a lot of time in the woods talking things over with Ax and Garrett, and then Marco and I had gone over everything again before I left.
<Pool ships usually come with a squadron of thirteen—we call them ‘Bug fighters.’ About the size of a school bus, usually cloaked and shielded, capable of hovering and maneuvering in the atmosphere. Beam weapons, crew of four, can carry ten or so in a pinch.>
President Tyagi was taking notes without looking down at the page, her eyes locked onto mine.
<Um. That’s it, as far as spacecraft go, but there’s supposed to be twelve more pool ships on the way, maybe five months out. As for Yeerks on the ground—>
I bit my lip. <They carry stunners, communicators, tracking devices, and spare Yeerks. Some of them carry Dracon beams, which are basically blasters or phasers. They seem to move around in groups of three or more—or did, I dunno about the ones who are left. They generally take one person, and then that person takes everybody around them, like family members or coworkers or whatever. They only once did a major, hostile takeover—that was the high school—and they’ve also done sneaky stuff like use hospitals to infest large numbers of people one after the other. Once infested, the Yeerk has total control, and access to all of your knowledge and memories. We’re not clear on what actually happens in the pool, but they have at least partial ability to transfer knowledge around between them, so new discoveries spread pretty quick. We’ve seen three other species in their invasion group—Hork Bajir, which are basically like ninja dinosaurs, very tall and muscular with lots of blades—Taxxons, which are giant cannibal centipedes, pretty fragile but dangerous in large groups—Naharans, which are like big orange spiders and have a lot of engineering expertise.>
President Tyagi held up her pad, and Paul leaned forward, squinting. <How intelligent are they?> he asked. <How are they organized?>
<Um. We don’t know anything about how they’re organized, except that Visser Three is in charge. Ax says they’re like, plus fifteen IQ points intelligent? Like, they sort of hijack the host brain to do a lot of processing, and the Yeerk tissue adds a little bit on top of whatever’s already there. Out of the hosts they’ve got here on Earth, that makes humans the smartest except for the small number of Naharans. And Visser Three, of course. He’s—um—Ax estimated somewhere between two and four hundred, IQ. Alloran—his host—he was basically like the Einstein of this generation of Andalites, and Visser Three is—not like other Yeerks.>
More scribbling. <And your group?> Paul translated. <Numbers and resources?>
I hesitated. <Um,> I said. <I’m sorry, Madam President. But—>
Paul raised a hand as President Tyagi raised an eyebrow. <What he doesn’t know how to say, Madam President, is that you remain a potential enemy combatant until you’ve been cleared of infestation, and even then you pose a risk until you’ve been proofed against future infection.>
I grimaced. That was a charitable interpretation, to say the least—I wasn’t sure I wanted to give them details about the rest of the group under any circumstances, though I realized too late that Paul could simply lift them from his personal copy of my brain.
That’s assuming all of your info is still current. You don’t know what happened after Ellimist/Crayak/whatever-it-was sent you back.
At least he didn’t have access to any of that craziness—it wouldn’t have been encoded into long-term memory, yet. Silver linings.
In front of me, President Tyagi took in a long breath through her nose, leaning back in her chair, her fingers steepled in front of her face.
<It’s a reasonable—>
Paul broke off as she reached for her pad and pen again.
<How do you guard against infestation?> he read.
I reached into my backpack in answer, drew out a pair of the Andalite earplugs.
<These will protect you from the Yeerks,> I said. <It doesn’t stop them from getting in, but it kills them in the process.>
She stretched out a hand, and I passed the earplugs over to her. <They hurt, when you put them in. There’s some blood. But they’re basically undetectable after that.>
I’d brought all five-and-a-half pairs with me to Washington, rather than leaving a pair for Garrett, a decision I was starting to regret. I’d tried to offer two to Paul, but he’d refused, saying they should go to someone important—like the President—or to engineers who might be able to duplicate them, or to field agents.
Switching the earplugs to one hand, she scribbled another note and held up the pad.
<She wants to know whether they work on Yeerks coming out of the head, too.>
What—
Oh.
I shook my head. <Not enough proof,> I said. <Visser Three just killed something like ten thousand Yeerks for, like—just, you know, as a move. If—hypothetically speaking—you’re a Controller right now, I wouldn’t put it past you to pull a suicide mission just so you could get this information back to the rest of the invasion force.>
She tilted her head, her eyes asking the obvious question.
<There are two options,> I said carefully. <One is we keep you under total surveillance for three days. That includes bathroom breaks, that includes sleep time, that includes everything. You go nowhere, do nothing, without one of us watching, until seventy-two hours have passed.>
I could see from her expression that this option didn’t exactly appeal to her.
<The other is you let one of us acquire and morph you. In morph, we can check your memories of everything but the past twelve hours or so.>
It still wasn’t foolproof. It was conceivable—barely—that the Yeerks would’ve taken advantage of the confusion to capture her at some point within the past day. But given their level of risk aversion, this seemed less likely than average, not more. She’d been on TV at least four separate times since yesterday afternoon, and Paul said they’d tripled her protection detail, in case the Ventura impact had been part one of a multi-strike terror attack.
It was theoretically something they could have pulled off. But—as Marco would say—if the Yeerks were that on-the-ball, we were fucked anyway.
Not in control, never in control.
There was a battle going down on President Tyagi’s face, as she seemed to struggle with the implications of the two options. I’d initially expected her to reject both—to try to pull rank or make some other argument about being exempt from security concerns. But when we’d discussed it ahead of time, Paul—somewhat scornfully—had told me not to be an idiot, and not to think of them as idiots, either.
“There are protocols for this,” he’d reminded me. “For infiltration, subversion, the use of hypnosis or mind-altering drugs or doubles and look-alikes. Everyone’s aware of the risks, and everyone’s committed to taking steps to guard against them. If what we’re asking her to do makes sense, she’ll do it.”
She picked up her pad, wrote a single word.
<Clearance,> Paul said.
She nodded.
<Neither of us has it.>
She nodded again, looking each of us straight in the eye for a long moment.
<The choice is obvious,> Paul said flatly. <Forgive me, Madam President,> he added. <But I took an oath. I will abide by it absolutely.>
She tilted her head, seeming to weigh his words. The silence stretched out, longer than any other in the conversation so far. I wondered whether I should say something—couldn’t think of anything—decided to keep quiet.
After what felt like a full minute, she began writing once again, this time taking the time to jot down several long sentences. She showed them to Paul, then reached for a second, official-looking pad with a presidential seal at the top.
<She wants to know how much you told Jeremiah about the morphing power,> Paul said, sounding slightly confused. <Whether he knows you gave it to me, for instance.>
She handed the second pad to Paul, who read it and frowned. Craning my neck, I saw that it was in English, not in cipher: DHS J Poznanski to WH ASAP.
<Madam President, I’m not sure—>
“Do it,” she said, her tone brooking no argument.
Swallowing whatever objection he had been about to make, Paul rose to his feet and walked over to the door, handing the note to one of the aides waiting outside in the hall.
Beside me, President Tyagi cleared her throat again, and I turned to find her looking at me, expectant.
<Right,> I said. <I told him about the time limit. Told him that it was technology the Yeerks want, but don’t have. Um. He knows I can carry things in morph—saw me demorph holding a weapon. I don’t think I mentioned the acquiring process, or self-morphing. I didn’t tell him how many of us there were, or how the ability is transferred.>
Paul sat back down in his chair, and she pointed at him, as if to ask—
<No, he doesn’t know Paul can morph.>
Looking faintly triumphant, she bent over her pad again, writing the longest note so far. It took nearly two minutes, and when she handed it over to Paul, he read it through twice before responding.
<No,> he said, his tone equal parts shock and stubbornness. <Absolutely not.>
* * *
They’d argued for nearly half an hour—him telepathically, her with notes written in increasingly jagged and insistent handwriting. They’d paused only once, when an aide knocked at the door—I hid under the desk—to say that Jeremiah had arrived and was sitting in the antechamber.
<Have him wait,> Paul said tersely, and—after shooting him the sort of look teachers give to Marco—President Tyagi repeated the same instruction to the aide.
<Please, Madam President,> Paul had pleaded, after the door clicked shut again. <The amount of risk you’re assuming here is completely unacceptable—>
Death toll Ventura County ~600000, she’d scribbled, no longer bothering to take the time to translate into code. That’s 200 9/11 attacks. We have 5 months. I will not sit idly by.
<You have resources you can rely on,> he argued. <NSA. DHS. This is what the Secret Service is for—>
Compromised. Can’t wait. Next attack could already be incoming.
<Then leave Washington! Take the First Family and go to Camp David, or to Bastion, while we work things out on this end—>
If just leave, Yeerks will track. This way, don’t even know to look.
<If something happens to you—>
Then you’re backup.
Welcome to irrelevance, I’d thought to myself, as the pair of them glared and gestured and argued and generally acted like I wasn’t even in the room.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about it—wasn’t sure what I was feeling, what the pressure in my chest translated to, in words. It was to be expected, sort of—now that the grownups were getting involved, things were going to start moving faster. There would be decisions we had no say in, plans we had no control over—very soon, the message would spread, and we would be nothing but a very small cog in a very large war machine, special only because of our ability to turn into mice. If I kept recruiting on my own—and I should, right? Probably?—then soon enough even that wouldn’t matter.
But that was the point, wasn’t it? It’s not like any of you want this on your shoulders.
I definitely didn’t, anyway. And we were obviously better off if the whole resistance couldn’t be taken out by a single bomb.
At the same time, though, I didn’t like the way the two of them had already written me out of their argument. As if my opinion didn’t matter, as if whatever they decided was best was what was going to end up happening.
I mean, to be fair, it probably was. But that didn’t mean it felt good. If I’d been less honest with them—showed up as Elfangor, the way I had at the start of my conversation with Jeremiah—things would be going down differently.
Not in control, never in control.
Gods and asteroids. Might as well add presidents to the list.
After trying every protest and objection in his arsenal at least three times, Paul finally gave up. Tyagi was the Commander-in-Chief, after all—when push came to shove, that was the end of it.
Even when she was asking him to give up his life.
Patriotism, I thought, feeling almost jealous. Something to protect, something to die for. Garrett’s face swam up in my mind, and the pressure in my chest turned into an ache.
I looked down at the box cradled in my lap, its sides glowing a faint, otherworldly blue, the strange symbols traced in deep, liquid black.
Cheer up. You’re winning.
I looked up at President Tyagi, whose face was taut with nervous anticipation. Extending the cube, I nodded to Paul. I was out of morph, myself, as I had to be in my own, natural body to activate the device.
<Press your hand against the surface,> Paul instructed, and the President obeyed, her shoulders still as she held her breath.
I focused my mind in the way Elfangor had showed us, willing the box to recognize Tyagi, to transfer some part of itself into her. There was a hum, and a tingle, as if I’d stuck my hand into an electrical socket—
And then it was done. The glow faded, I nodded, and she pulled her hand away. Pulling open the bag, I stuffed the cube inside and zipped it shut.
There was a moment of silent expectation, in which the three of us all just sort of looked at each other, unsure what to say.
Paul spoke. <You’re sure that I can’t—>
“No,” Tyagi said, her tone emphatic and final. She stuck out her hand, and Paul looked at it as if it were a snake.
“Now,” she said, her eyes narrowing.
His mouth a thin line, Paul reached forward, his pale hand clasping her smaller, darker one. They stared directly at one another for a long moment before both of their eyes fluttered shut in perfect synch.
Acquiring each other.
A few seconds passed, and then they each let go, their eyes drifting lazily open.
“Now,” President Tyagi repeated, her tone more gentle this time.
With a final, resigned nod, Paul stood. He began loosening his tie, as President Tyagi stepped behind the desk, unstrapping her shoes. I stayed seated, feeling awkward, trying not to look at either of them as I transformed into myself once again.
It took about ten minutes for Paul to complete his transformation—ninety seconds to demorph, ninety seconds to morph, and another seven or so minutes to don the President’s clothes. He tapped me on the shoulder when he was finished, and I opened my eyes to see his slight nod.
Not a Controller, then.
The real President Tyagi had a much longer wait, as her instantiation of the morphing tech performed its primary analysis, decomposing everything that was Paul Evans into a set of instructions for building a perfect copy. She went ahead and put on his clothes, the fabric loose and baggy, looking oddly ridiculous beneath her calm, serious face.
The plan was simple, for all that it was completely insane—Paul would stay in the White House in morph, as a decoy, using the President’s memories to guide his choices and decisions. In the meantime, she would travel around the country under the radar, looping in various parts of the military and other potential key players in the war to come. Should anything happen to the “President Tyagi” in Washington, she would have the option of coming out of hiding or of continuing to operate in secrecy, as the situation demanded.
Paul had pointed out that his time limit of eighty-five minutes might not be enough to maintain the deception, and Tyagi had shrugged.
Figure it out, she’d written. Or stay in morph permanently.
My jaw had dropped when I’d read those words, but Paul had simply nodded, his face a mask of grim resolve. I’d told them both about the coma, about the way Yeerk tissue would interfere with normal brain function, and they’d taken the information in stride.
<The papers,> Paul said suddenly. <Tobias—can you destroy them?>
I looked down, at the notes President Tyagi had written. <What—with the shredder?> I asked. <Isn’t that sort of—overkill? And it’s going to make a noise—>
He sighed, the expression still somehow very much his, even through the body of the small Indian woman. <The bag, then. Take them with you.>
I looked over to the real Tyagi, who nodded. Unshouldering my bookbag, I slipped the papers inside, remembering the spare shredder and the stasis cylinder as I did so.
<What about these?> I asked, pulling them out. <Do they go with one of you, or do I take them to Jeremiah?>
The two Tyagis looked at each other for a long moment, saying nothing. Eventually, the real one pointed to herself.
<I’ll explain to Jeremiah once you’re gone,> Paul said.
Detaching the charge canister, I handed it, the shredder, and the stasis cylinder to the President, then—almost as an afterthought—added the single extra earplug to the stack.
<It’s easiest to take stuff into your morph if it’s in a bag,> I advised. <Just visualize the whole bag getting sucked away along with the rest of your body, and the morphing tech will take care of it. If you have four separate things, you kind of have to focus on all four at once—much harder.>
She nodded, and we fell silent once more. After another long moment, she pointed at me, then at herself, and then shrugged, an open question written on her face.
I considered. It was funny—what with all of the risks, all of the what-ifs, all of the things that could have gone wrong, I actually hadn’t given any thought at all to what I’d do in this moment—what would happen if everything went off without a hitch.
On the one hand, we almost certainly wanted somebody to stay in touch with whatever resistance the military was putting together. On the other, not every adult would be as understanding as Paul and Tyagi had been, about the fact that I was refusing to give up the cube. The threat of a mental self-destruct would only go so far once I was surrounded by people who killed for a living—
Stop stalling and flip a goddamn coin, already.
I reached into the bag once more, pulled out the burner cell phone I’d bought for keeping in touch with Rictic. <Take this, too,> I said. <It’s only got one number programmed in; that’s the other phone. I’m going to head back to Ventura, try to reconnect with the rest of my group.>
A shadow flickered across Tyagi’s face, and I made a mental note to set up a less traceable line of communication at the first available opportunity.
Am I being an idiot? I wondered, as she reached out to take the phone. Was there some obvious move that Marco would see, that I couldn’t?
I’d “secured” the President—better than, considering how impossible it all had seemed just twenty-four hours ago. Paul Evans was loyal and competent, and his access to Tyagi’s memories would make him a perfect decoy. And Tyagi herself was now Yeerk-proof and morph-capable.
Should I just go with her? It was maybe ridiculous to assume that I could protect her—once clear of Washington, she was overwhelmingly unlikely to run into any Controllers, and in her guise as Paul Evans, she was a fully capable government agent, complete with a gun, ID, and top-secret clearance.
But it might be worth it to stay more closely in touch. I could simply hide the cube and follow along. It might even be easier to find the others, once I had government resources at my disposal—
And then the military will know where they are, too.
I frowned. We were all on the same team—weren’t we?
Except that you’re holding back valuable technology. You’re keeping secrets about the Chee and the Ellimist. And let’s not forget that there’s a pretty convincing argument to be made that it’s our fault Ventura County got turned to dust.
Oh, come on, no one in their right mind would—
As if. They’ll be all over it—reckless children, can’t be allowed to run loose, look what happened last time they acted unilaterally, instead of passing along their intelligence to the proper authorities—
I shifted slightly, looking back and forth between Tyagi and Tyagi Prime, now wondering if I was being a little too paranoid.
It only takes one, the voice in the back of my head pointed out. One mistake, one traitor, one honest difference of opinion from somebody who thinks they know best, thinks they’re in control. And there’s only one blue box. If you go with them, and something happens, that’s it—no do-overs.
And there was still that bit about Jake, Marco, and Cassie being somehow astronomically important, and me along with them.
And there was Garrett. Garrett, who I’d last seen an inch away from death, whose uncertain fate was gnawing away at the back of my mind. Garrett, who I hadn’t been there to protect.
Your decisions, your fate.
I could feel my uncertainty waning—not because I was confident in what I was doing, but because I knew there wasn’t ever going to be a clear answer.
Sometimes, things just happen.
I stood, drawing the other shredder out of the bag as I began to demorph back into my true body. <Okay,> I broadcast. <I guess that’s it for now, then.>
The two Tyagis looked at one another, then back at me.
“Yes,” said the real one.
<Stay safe,> said Paul, a look of concern on his borrowed face. <And Tobias—>
<Yeah?>
<Thank you. You—these last few weeks can’t have been easy.> He looked over at the President, who seemed to listen for a moment, and then nodded gravely. <Your country appreciates what you’ve done.>
I swallowed, not sure how to respond.
I finished demorphing in silence, stepped over to the door, and focused on the fly.
And then, feeling anticlimactic, I left.
* * *
I was so lost in thought on my way back to Jeremiah Poznanski’s house that I almost didn’t notice the telltale shimmer in the air until it was too late.
Bug fighter!
Banking sharply, I broke off my approach and darted into the boughs of a nearby oak, waiting to see if they would fire, wishing I’d chosen the snipe’s diminutive form instead of the larger red-tailed hawk. Three seconds—five—ten—
Safe.
What—
The ship was hovering, motionless, above and slightly in front of the house.
Directly over the front steps.
Tractor beam.
Did Bug fighters have tractor beams? I had no idea.
How can you have no idea? What—you just FORGOT to ask?
I flitted across a small patch of sky to another tree, farther away, feeling the hawk’s heart pounding in my chest. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a panicked voice had started up—get away get away get away get away—while another one simply laughed.
There was no way. No way. It was impossible, a coincidence so extraordinary it defied belief.
A way to track morphing?
Rachel said the Chee could do it—that they could somehow see the link between our construct brain and our real bodies off in Z-space. But if the Yeerks had learned how to do the same, they wouldn’t just be waiting for me—
Jeremiah. He was a Controller after all, or—or he talked, told his colleagues, somebody told the wrong person and they figured it out—
No. Without any conscious input from me, another hypothesis emerged, clicking irresistibly into place.
The bugs. The bugs in the Oval Office.
We’d been quiet, in case they were recording—had said almost nothing out loud, doing half the talking on paper and the other half in thought-speak.
But what if they didn’t care what we were saying? What if they were only checking whether or not we were saying anything at all?
If there was ever a day for the Yeerks to keep a close eye on the President, it was today. If they had someone down in the security center—
—and of course they would, it’s obvious, so much less risky than having someone there in person, it might not even be a Controller, just a data tap—
—then they would know that a Secret Service agent had walked into the Oval Office without an appointment and insisted on seeing the President, alone—had held an almost entirely silent conversation lasting nearly two hours.
And in all that time, the only bit of data that had emerged from the room was a personal summons—Jeremiah Poznanski, of the Department of Homeland Security, was to make his way to the White House as fast as he possibly could.
It was just strange enough to stand out—just enough of a departure from the norm to make them curious, make them nervous, make them want to look closer, to confirm that their cover hadn’t been blown. They couldn’t take him in public, maybe hadn’t even put two and two together until he’d already arrived—
—right? Oh, please, let them not have taken him already—
—but sending a Bug fighter to camp out over his house, that was easy, that made sense, they could nab him as soon as he got home, take him and infest him and find out everything he knew—
They weren’t everywhere. They were just everywhere that mattered.
What was I going to do? Rictic—Rictic was shadowing Jeremiah, could possibly protect him or at the very least report on what happened to him. But I’d given up my phone, would have to break into a house somewhere to call him, and who even had landlines anymore—
Breathe, Tobias!
If they already had him—
If they already had him, then they already had—
Not the President. She would have waited, would not have let Jeremiah in until she’d managed to morph into Paul. She would have stayed, and it would have been two against one, even with the element of surprise Jeremiah couldn’t have taken them both out, he wouldn’t have been able to bring a weapon in past security—
Or she would have left already, and Paul would have faced him alone, disguised—
If they already have him, then they know we’re trying to spread the word. They know we’re telling people, that we’re building up a resistance, and they’re going to blow every major city and every military installation to hell—
If they already had him, then I needed to get out of Washington ten minutes ago.
But they didn’t have him. They couldn’t, it was too fast, there were only thirty of them—fifty at the most—it wasn’t like back home, they weren’t everywhere, and besides, the Bug fighter—
The Bug fighter—
—didn’t make sense, if they already had him.
Right?
That’s right, go ahead and think it through, because everything always makes fucking sense, doesn’t it, just take it one step at a time and it’ll all come together, nothing’s ever just random and crazy and batshit insane, you’re in control, you’re on top of things, clever boy with clever answers, Sherlock that shit—
I darted away again—a third tree, then a fourth—fighting to pull my thoughts under control as I put distance between myself and the hovering ship. At maybe a third of a mile, I stopped, peering back across the treetops at the near-invisible menace.
—shapeshifting, bodysnatchers, mind melds, teleportation, time powers, what’s next, maybe Visser Three’s going to show up with laser vision or telekinesis—
Somewhere, off in Z-space, my real body was gritting its teeth as I forced—focused—muffled the unhinged babble through sheer willpower and kicked my thoughts into gear.
All right. Bug fighter. Lying in wait.
Options.
I could wait and watch. Could go back to the White House, try to find Jeremiah or Paul or President Tyagi or Rictic.
I could leave.
—who do the right thing—
I could—
I froze.
No.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no—
I felt the laughter bubbling up again, felt it threatening to overwhelm me. It was too much, too perfect, too orchestrated. Like the whale, like Jake’s extra life, like the fact that Garrett had just happened to be a heartbeat away from death when whatever-the-fuck-it-was decided to show up and start playing God—
Jeremiah Poznanski’s son was walking down the street.
He was half a mile away, on the far side of the house, well beyond the range of thought-speak but perfectly recognizable in my enhanced bird-of-prey vision. He was on foot on the sidewalk in the middle of the day—on his way home in the middle of a school day, the last person I would have expected and very nearly the worst I could imagine.
—maneuvered into place by those you might call God—
They would take him. They would take him, and then he would take his father, and that would be enough for Visser Three. They would give up on secrecy, and the bombs would start to fall. It was happening right here—right now, in front of me, the beginning of the end.
Unless.
I felt my heart beat even faster, the tiny organ thudding until it seemed like it was going to explode out of my feathered chest.
Can’t do a flyby. He’s too close—they’ll see you, shoot you out of the sky.
I would have to switch morphs. Have to pick something that could get close, something that could get inside, could do some damage—
Obvious.
I dropped out of the tree like a stone, already demorphing before I even reached the ground. There was no one in sight, and I didn’t bother to hide—just changed shape right there on the sidewalk, my real body swelling upward from the hawk’s slender frame.
The clothes wouldn’t be right, but that shouldn’t matter. The real question was what I should do with the bookbag—should I bring it with me, or hide it, and come back for it?
There was a crawlspace in one of the houses just a few feet away, its white wooden door latched but unlocked.
Your decisions, your fate.
Still half-hawk, I waddled over, the bookbag puffing outward between my shoulder blades like Quasimodo’s hump. Eventually, it came loose, and I pulled it off my back, tossing it as far beneath the house as I could. Then I turned my attention to the shredder in my left hand, spinning the dial to maximum power.
Here goes nothing.
Pulling the crawlspace door shut, I stepped away from the house, focusing on the memory of Jeremiah Poznanski. I kept my clothes outside of the morph, but took the shredder in, feeling it shrink and melt as my fingers thickened around it.
Leaning around the corner, I squinted down the sidewalk, my vision blurring and fading as the change progressed. It had been maybe two minutes, and the boy had been three minutes away from the house. He should have been visible on the sidewalk.
Instead, there was no one.
Good, I thought, as my shoes tightened and my body aged. That meant they’d taken him on board, were infesting him in the air rather than trying to do it in public.
They would do the same to me.
I began to walk, the last of the changes sliding into place, wearing the face of their target as I strode toward the house.
They would see me.
They would see me, and they would recognize me, and they would take me.
—what needs to be done.
I felt the jerk when I was a hundred yards away from the front door, felt the sidewalk vanish out from under my feet as I was yanked upwards by my hair, my skin. I passed within the cloaking field, caught a glimpse of the brown metal of the Bug fighter as I hurtled toward the hatch—
There was a sound, a flash of light, and my whole body went numb and limp. The tractor beam guided me into a small hold and released me, where I fell bonelessly into a heap on the cold deck, face down, my forehead hitting the metal with a painful crack.
“Haff Yeerk,” shouted a voice, guttural and harsh. “Ghotal!”
Another voice grunted in answer, and a shadow loomed over me, a nightmare of ivory blades and green, porous skin. A thick, clawed hand grabbed my shoulder, rolling me over, and with a snap and a hiss, a cylinder was pressed to my ear.
Wait for it.
Warmth. Wetness. A slithering, probing tendril, like a tongue.
Pushing.
Pushing.
The hulking Hork-Bajir pivoted and left, its footsteps vibrating the plates beneath me. Somewhere behind me, I heard the whir of pistons, and the heavy stillness that meant a door had just closed, sealing me inside.
Wait for it.
There was pain in my ear—pain worse than anything I’d ever felt, like needles of fire threading toward my brain. I wanted to scream, but the bridge between my mind and my body had been broken by the stunner, and instead I just lay there, motionless, not daring to think more than thirty seconds into the future.
Just wait.
The needle thickened, widened—stretched something that shouldn’t be stretched—became a pipe, a funnel, a conduit through which the rest of the Yeerk’s body could slide into my skull. Something connected, and I felt a presence, as if someone were standing just behind me, their breath tickling the hairs on the back of my neck.
Now.
I began to demorph, the changes sliding across my body like magic, numbed nerves disappearing one by one, replaced by tingling aliveness. I shrank, lightened, felt my tired adult joints tightening as my vision returned to normal.
For a moment, the Yeerk seized full control of my still-morphed brain—tried to shout a warning, to beg, to scream. But the parts of the body it had access to were still inactive, and I was the sole witness to its panic as the universe dissolved around it.
They would notice, eventually. Would hear the grinding of bones, see the thinning of my limbs and the thickening of my hair, catch the shifting of my clothes as the body underneath them changed shape. I might have twenty seconds, or I might have none.
It was a race—against time, against fate. I had rolled the dice—had finally, finally accepted that I wasn’t in control, and shouldn’t act like it. I was going to die, or I was going to live, and there was no sense in making predictions.
Come on, I whispered to myself, oddly calm as I willed the shredder to emerge from my palm. Faster.
“Hrutnoj?”
I remained motionless, except for the shifting of my half-morphed flesh.
“Lamol! Rhapak mit ghotalandalite—”
It happened as if in slow motion—the vibration of the deck as the Hork-Bajir approached, the swelling of my palm as the shredder returned from Z-space, the shift in temperature as I rolled over, one shoulder pressing against the cold metal while the other rose into the air. I saw the alien approaching, saw it falter as I raised the gun, saw its beaked mouth open wide with alarm.
I fired.
The blast passed straight through the alien’s head, punching a hole through the ceiling, revealing the clear blue sky beyond. The alien fell without a sound, its blades shrieking as they scraped across the deck.
“Ghotu buk!”
I heard movement behind me, felt another tremor in the floor, and spun. The second Hork-Bajir was only a few feet away, framed in a doorway, its own Dracon beam already tracking toward my face—
I fired again.
This time, the ship itself began to shake, the floor bucking as the shredder’s beam burned through some amount of important machinery. An alarm began to whine, and the floor suddenly tilted, sending me sliding toward the body of the second alien as it collapsed.
A blazing bar of light filled my vision—a near miss from another Dracon beam. Blind, blinking, I slashed my own weapon in a wild arc, holding down the trigger. I heard a shriek of metal, the fizzling snap of broken electronics—
And then suddenly the world fell apart. A howling wind filled the hangar as gravity dropped to zero, the whole ship plummeting downward as it split into two pieces. There was a split second where I thought I might scream, and then—
CRUNCH.
I slammed into the deck a millisecond later, letting out a strangled whoof as every last ounce of air was knocked out of my body. My head collided with the floor for a second time, and I felt an icy pain in my right arm, just below the elbow.
I must have passed out, or at least blacked out, because I felt myself coming to—whether minutes later, or only seconds, I couldn’t say. Everything hurt, from the top of my skull all the way down to the bones of my feet, and it felt like I couldn’t fill my lungs with air no matter how hard I tried.
Someone was screaming—a long, sustained sound like an animal, coming from what I thought might be the remains of the front of the ship. Dizzy, gasping, I reached up to try to pull myself to my feet, only to see the world in front of me turn suddenly, bafflingly red.
I looked down. Everything was wet and dripping.
Wait—
It was like trying to swim through molasses. I wasn’t thinking clearly, could tell I wasn’t thinking clearly, knew on some level that something was very wrong but couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
You’re in shock.
Words. I knew what they meant, but they didn’t seem to mean anything. My brain felt thick, stuffed, dull.
Get up.
I tried to rise again, was treated once more to a splash of red, this time accompanied by a wave of dizziness that threatened to squeeze the world around me into a long, dark tunnel.
Oh.
I looked down at my left hand, still gripping the shredder.
I looked down at my right, confusingly absent.
Left—there.
Right—
Where?
Your hand, a voice was saying—almost pleading, as if terrified I wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t notice. The ship crashed and you lost your hand and you’re bleeding, you’ve got to do something or you’ll bleed out.
Bleed out.
Out.
I looked down at my left hand again.
The one holding the shredder.
Yes! The shredder. That will work.
Frowning, I turned the shredder toward the stump where my hand was supposed to be, put my finger on the trigger—
No. Something was wrong.
Something—
Ah.
Lifting my finger off the trigger, I pushed on the dial on the side of the weapon, spun it until it was only a few notches higher than the lowest setting.
Right?
There was no answer, so I shrugged—fighting another wave of dizziness—and fired.
The pain was like a splash of cold water in the face, causing me to sober up almost instantly, half the cotton in my brain burning away as the laser beam cauterized the wound.
“AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” I bellowed, the air ripping past my vocal cords, leaving me hoarse.
My hand! My hand, oh, God, what happened—
There was barely any warning. Just one quiet sound, the rattle of some small object tumbling across a slanted floor. Deep within my primate brain, some danger sense fired, and I threw myself sideways just as I heard the sound of a Dracon beam.
TSEWWWWW!
I hit the deck elbow first, the impact shivering up my arm and causing a terrifying pop in my shoulder. Biting back a shriek, I rolled, staying low as another beam flashed over my head.
Four. They usually have a crew of four.
The scream I’d heard coming from the front of the ship was still going. That meant the Controller shooting at me was the last of them. Or it wasn’t, and I was just dead.
I threw myself behind a twisted, shattered bulkhead, feeling a wave of heat wash across my face as another beam splashed off the metal just a few inches away, turning it a dull, angry red. Lifting my arm, I squeezed the trigger and swept the gun back and forth in a Z, praying—
There was a strangled shriek—a clatter—a dull thump—
Silence.
Not total—whoever was screaming up at the front of the ship showed no sign of stopping. But when I stuck my arm out from around the bulkhead, there was no response, and after a moment I stood, swaying dizzily as I balanced on the uneven floor.
It was a scene of total destruction. The Bug fighter had come down directly on top of the house, one piece demolishing the garage while the other smashed straight through the second story and came to rest at ground level. All around me was shattered glass, splintered timber, chalky dust. There was one Hork-Bajir body near me, drenched in blood—my blood. The other—the one without a head—was nowhere to be seen.
And in front of me, lying slumped next to a handheld Dracon beam—
I couldn’t help it. I turned and threw up, heaving and heaving until there was nothing left inside of me. When I was finished, I staggered over to one side, giving the human body a wide berth.
I was about to start climbing out of the wreckage when I caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of my eye—a slow, rhythmic shifting of a thick, metal plate. Fighting back another wave of dizziness, I picked my way past the ruins of another console and looked down.
It was Jeremiah’s son, pinned beneath the sheet of metal but otherwise unhurt. His arms and hands were free, and he was rocking the plate back and forth, trying to tip it up high enough to wriggle out.
“Stop,” I said, and then coughed, my throat ragged and sore. “Wait. I can help.”
He paused, his head jerking toward me, his eyes narrowing. There was something wrong with his face—
Ah. Right.
He was too calm.
Controlled.
“I’m stuck,” he said, his voice flat and emotionless. “I think if you lever it up this way—”
“Shut up,” I said, spinning the dial on the side of the shredder again, setting the weapon to stun.
“Wait! I can—”
TSEWWWWW!
He fell silent, slumping back against the plate.
I tried to think, dimly aware of the fact that I was impaired, that I was in shock, possibly concussed, was probably at that moment dumber than a third grader.
There was no way to hide the wreckage of an entire Bug fighter. Visser Three might have managed it back in my hometown, where he’d controlled the police and the firefighters and the news, but this was Washington D.C., and there were at most thirty Controllers within a hundred miles. I could already hear the sirens winging their way toward me, could hear voices nearby.
I noticed that the screaming at the front of the ship had stopped.
All right. No hiding it. Now what?
I looked around. There was nothing obviously valuable to grab—no visible weapons, no clearly useful technology. Just a whole lot of dusty metal, interspersed with the remains of Jeremiah’s house.
Pretend to be Elfangor?
Pretend to be Jeremiah?
Grab the cube and get clear?
I took a deep breath, the darkness clouding the edges of my vision again. I’d lost a lot of blood. I needed to get to a hospital. Would the blood loss hurt my thinking while I was in morph?
It’s hurting your thinking now. You need to get moving before somebody tries to talk to you.
I took a step, and then paused.
The kid.
I looked at the prone body of Jeremiah’s son. I could get the plate off him, even with one hand—there was a broken pipe blocking the way, a pipe he hadn’t been able to see, but if I moved it, the sheet of metal should just tip up and fall away.
He was a Controller, now. The only one left alive, if the screamer up front had died of whatever started it screaming in the first place. They’d take him, imprison him, study him, interrogate him.
Or worse—if they didn’t believe Jeremiah, or if one of the other Controllers got to him, first—
What?
I didn’t know. My thoughts were still sluggish, my brain still fuzzy. But it seemed—
Bad.
I shook my head, immediately regretting the decision as pain spiderwebbed across my skull, sparking another wave of nausea.
What was the kid’s name?
I should know. It was embarrassing, that I didn’t know. I’d been his father not five minutes ago.
Pull it together, Tobias. You need to get OUT of here. Now.
But the kid—
David. That was his name.
I raised my head and listened. The sirens were closer, but still distant, the voices still circling outside of what was left of the house’s outer wall. I had maybe a minute left. Maybe two.
I’d learned—something. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it had to do with situations like this, decisions like this. I was supposed to be careful. Or I was supposed to stop being careful. One of those. I was pretty sure. Something about—
Control.
Not in control, never in control.
I looked down at the kid. He looked absolutely nothing like Garrett.
God dammit, Tobias, MOVE.
I crouched, put my hand on his shoulder, and began to morph.
Chapter 24: Chapter 20: Aximili
Notes:
First off, sorry for the delay. As the story gets more complex, it's getting harder and harder to show a "complete" arc in a single chapter, especially since it's been a long time since we've visited a given character's world. This was a pretty tough one to write, especially since parts of it are somewhat autobiographical. Regarding the next update, I estimate 70% odds that the final chapter for this arc will go up within two weeks, and 90% odds that it goes up within 17 days.
Second, I know this is a bandwagon, but it's one worth jumping on—Ramin Djawadi's "Light of the Seven" is a phenomenal piece of music, I've had it on repeat for literally ten days straight, and it is the soundtrack to which this update was written. I have no plans to make "music for this chapter" be a thing in general, but I strongly recommend a) listening to it, and b) listening to it before or while reading this update.
Third, there are some people who are long overdue for shout-outs, and they include (but are not limited to): Ketura, callmebrotherg, StellarStylus, CouteauBleu, Elliot J, chaosmosis, MugaSofer, Chris B, 4t0m, rictic, Forest V, Aaron G, Braden A, Brian D, Alphanos, Nighzmarquis, ZeroNihilist, ObsidianOrangutan, scruiser, KnickersInAKnit, PeridexisErrant, Lana del Fae, luvsanime02, Daziy is SoniQ, rjalker, Rafinius, so8res, Quillian, Defender31415, and (of course) our beloved empress K.A. Applegate. If you felt sad that your name wasn't on here, drop me a note reminding me of your awesome and I'll make it up to you.
Fourth, and finally, in lieu of my usual beg for comments and reviews, I'd like to nominate this moment as the Moment When People Decide To Share r!Animorphs. If you were, like, THIS CLOSE to recommending it to someone else, or posting it on Facebook, or tweeting it, or sneaking a .pdf onto somebody's phone with a filename like jdsjournalDONOTREAD—well, please go ahead and make the jump? Ultimately, a story like this is only good relative to the number of people who read it, and if you've found it moving, thought-provoking, interesting, or even just entertaining, please seriously consider passing the word along.
Chapter Text
[A SENSE OF LONGING, OF LACKING—AN EYE SWIVELS BACKWARD, AND A HAND GRASPS AT EMPTINESS…]
There are countless activities which humans engage in, which Andalites do not. The constant encryption of thought and meaning into sounds and symbols. The hedonistic, indulgent consumption of sensory-intensive nutrients. The resolution of interpersonal conflict through overt violence, subtle violence, and the implied threat of violence, rather than simple communication—
(—presumably because the encryption makes communication so difficult.)
I had been present among the aliens of Earth for only a short time, and had seen much to disturb and confuse me. But the most disturbing and confusing—by far—was the human need for sleep.
Andalites make use of stasis technology, of course—when spaceflight presents stresses our bodies cannot handle, or for urgent medical interventions. But there is no cessation of consciousness, during stasis—only suspension. The thought that begins as the field activates ends as it withdraws, and you remain constant. To be truly unconscious—to cease to think—to have your mind, your identity, your very self disconnected from the universe—to awaken with no knowledge of what has passed in the interim, having been vulnerable to all manner of intrusions and not even aware enough to notice them—perhaps to wake up different—
It is abhorrent, and unnerving, and—thankfully—vanishingly rare. For every one Andalite who experiences it, there are twenty-four thousand others who do not. And most of those only experience it once, as the result of some trauma or accident.
Of those who experience it twice, nearly all are warriors.
I came awake slowly—agonizingly—fighting back waves of pain from the burns covering most of my left side. My thoughts felt loose and strange, the same strangeness that had been growing for weeks—
(—Garrett had taught me the word, a short handle for a unit of seven cycles, and I was both pleased and intrigued by the incongruous one-off abandonment of the usual human fascination with base ten—)
—suddenly magnified sevenfold. It was as though my mind were a sieve, and slivers of thought were leaking out, streaming off into the empty, echoing eib. I opened my stalks and—
Something was wrong.
(Something was wrong.)
((Something was wrong.))
(((Something was wrong.)))
I was on a hillside. A mountainside, really—surrounded by dirt and rocks and thick, gnarled shrubbery. I was outside, beneath the wide blue dome of the sky, though my inner sense of time told me that not even the forty-ninth part of a cycle had passed since I lost consciousness—
(Could I trust my time sense, after falling unconscious?)
I reached out to the idling cradle with my mind, felt its computer respond—
Impossible.
(Impossible.)
((Impossible.))
(((Impossible.)))
My time-sense was unimpaired, and yet I was over a cycle’s walk from the epicenter, in the mountains to the northwest of the city—almost beyond the mountains, in a position even a spacecraft would have been hard-pressed to reach without causing detectable disturbances in the atmosphere—
(Hypothesis: the others hijacked a Bug fighter during the escape—)
((Hypothesis: you are dying, and insensible.))
Moving gingerly, I pushed myself up to a standing position, staying water-run instead of tree-stretch, using my hands for support and keeping my ground eyes down. I felt a gentle pressure on my right shoulder, and twisted my stalks to see the hand of the alien Garrett resting in my fur. He said nothing, with words or mind—only looked at me with what I thought was concern, or perhaps confusion, or maybe just simple acknowledgement.
Beyond him, the human Rachel sat curled on the uneven ground, her knees drawn to her chest, her face hidden. She, too, was silent.
(Silent.)
((Silent.))
(((Silent.)))
Something is wrong.
I do not think in words, do not compress my experience into modular, well-defined fragments. For me, silent is a feeling, a handful of memories—as when I climbed the hill behind my family’s scoop before a storm, looked out across the world and heard nothing with ears or eib—and unnerving as the bizarre echoing in my head was, it was somehow much worse when the thing echoing was silence. It dragged my attention—unwillingly—back to the eib, to the deep, abysmal emptiness that surrounded me, as if I had cut off my stalks, leaving only my ground eyes—
Enough.
(Enough.)
((Enough.))
(((Enough.)))
I forced my attention outward, feeling a twinge of unease as I noticed—far later than I should have—that it was not, in fact, silent. Uphill, five figures stood in a tight clump, filling the air with their empty, maddening stick-speak, voices raised in anger and argument. Shaking the fugue from my thoughts, I matched stick-sounds to the face-sights in the humans’ pale imitation of names—Jake and Marco, gesticulating wildly; Jake’s brother—
(WHAT)
—and Marco’s father—
(WHAT)
—standing unnaturally still; the human hologram of Erek the Chee—
(WHAT)
—planted between them like a tree.
(Threat assessment—)
((If you kill them, Jake and Marco will react poorly—))
(((Erek may not permit you to kill them—)))
(Hypothesis: it was Erek who transported us to this location—)
((Counterpoint—Erek could not have been present at the Yeerk pool without being forced by his programming into courses of action which are inconsistent with his presence here—))
‹Aximili—›
My un-brother’s un-voice, interrupting the chorus of speculation with a whisper that was louder than all of them.
‹Please, Aximili, you must—›
I thrust it aside, silencing it along with the rest through an act of will, plunging myself into the present, into external reality. Orient, I commanded myself, ignoring the echoes of the thought as they skittered back and forth inside my head. Wherever this was—whatever was happening—the battle was not yet over. Tom Berenson and Peter Levy were Controllers, and the android Erek was a dangerous unknown; none of them should have been there, least of all Jake and Marco, and given that they were, Cassie should have been with them—
Orient.
The feel of the alien’s hand on my shoulder. The pain of my burns, and the weakness that radiated from them, layered atop the cumulative exhaustion of long cycles without rest. The babble of stick-speak, which a part of me wearily moved to translate—
(—at least the situation does not seem to be critical, if they are merely shouting—)
BLINDING
Without warning, the world turned white around me, a searing light that peaked within a hoofbeat before halving and halving again, dropping precipitously through blue and yellow and leveling off in a deep and fiery red.
What—
(What—)
((What—))
(((What—)))
There was a heart-stopping jerk, and suddenly I was surrounded by flesh, pressed painfully against the bodies of the others, Jake and Rachel and Garrett and Marco and Tom and Peter—
(Danger—the Controllers—)
—and even as I tried to move, tensed the muscles in my tail and found them bound in place, the world around us began to burn.
“Jesus fucking—”
“Erek, what—”
“Cassie!”
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH—”
Their stick-speak washed over me, a jumble of noises, worse than useless. Though the rest of my body remained motionless, as if stuck in thick mud, my stalks were free to swivel, and I noted details in the manner of a cadet under examination.
Erek the Chee was holding the seven of us together with one of his force fields, keeping us packed close and tight around his angular, mechanical body. I could see the faint traces of energy exchange at the boundaries of the bubble, the shimmering distortion as the field absorbed and dissipated heat, leaving us cool while the vegetation around us withered and ignited.
(Flames on only the oldest, driest plants. Stone and sand unaffected, no glowing or melting. Upper bound on temperature—)
((This is indirect heat, the mountain stands between us and the source—))
(((—the source—)))
The source.
Berating myself, I turned toward the peak of the mountain, where the glow was brightest, casting the peak into crisp, dark silhouette.
The mountain also stood between us and the city. Between us and the pool.
I turned my eyes skyward again, this time searching for the telltale signs of radioactive fallout.
‹Aximili—›
None. It was blackbody radiation.
(Chemical explosives?)
‹Aximili, please—›
Beneath me, the ground suddenly heaved, a rolling tremble only partially dampened by the android’s absorption field. Immediately, a part of my mind began tracking backwards, converting the delay between the flash and the tremor into an estimate of distance, confirming the obvious. I cobbled the numbers together, double-checked the orders of magnitude on the estimate, and felt my tail go slack within its confinement as my brain held up its hypothesis.
This much heat, from that far away, without fission or fusion—
(An asteroid strike?)
Beside me, the two Controllers began to wail—a ragged, animal sound, devoid of all intelligence, all restraint. It rose, and rose, until Garrett started keening and Jake and Marco began trying to shout over it—
—a part of me noted that the noise only made the eib seem quieter, as if I had gone deaf in one ear, the contrast drawing my attention once more to the claustrophobic silence—
—while fluid began to drip from the eyes of Rachel in the way that Tobias had explained meant sadness, or anger, or sometimes both—
Prioritize.
I turned my stalks to look at Erek, the robot’s true shape now visible, its disguise abandoned as it poured all of its resources into holding us apart from the heat.
(Interesting. Probable upper bound on Chee energy output—extremely efficient relative to size but not so impressive in absolute terms—)
A pair of moveable parts near the top of the android’s body swiveled in response, sliding to the side closest to me. It said nothing, did nothing, only gave the seeming of a stare.
It seized us almost instantly, after the light but before the heat. Prior probability favors quick processing speed as the explanation, but—
I looked around again at the inferno unfolding, the unfamiliar forest, impossibly far from the corridor where I had lost consciousness in the middle of a battle.
It knew.
(It knew.)
((It knew.))
(((It knew.)))
They all knew, somehow—while I had been unconscious, they had somehow been primed to expect this, had met it with high emotion rather than raw confusion. There was an explanation, and that explanation included awareness that an asteroid strike was imminent.
(Sensors belonging to the Chee?)
((Intelligence gathered during the battle? Tom and Peter defecting with a warning?))
(((A causal relationship?)))
With another twinge of unease, I noticed that I had not taken the obvious step of simply asking—that I was delaying, hesitating, atypically reluctant to speak even after accounting for the distress the humans were experiencing. I searched for the root of the feeling, tried to trace it back to its source and found naught but flimsy excuses—that this was a tense, emotional moment—
(Emotion is secondary to strategy; hesitation is the enemy of adaptation—)
—that humans did not respond well to mental interruption—
(Neither Marco nor Garrett was particularly vulnerable in this way—)
—that I was exhausted, drained both mentally and physically—
(Tired enough to die without a fight, cadet?)
The true nature of the inhibition eluded me, avoiding my attempts to see it, to name it. I knew that I should speak up—that ordinarily I would speak up—and yet I did not want to. Not enough to muster the necessary energy.
‹Aximili, this is a dangerous sign—›
I ignored the voice. Elfangor was gone—had tricked me, left me, and died. His ghost had no claim on my attention, and I no longer desired his counsel.
(Aximili, this is a dangerous sign—)
Instead, I simply waited, and listened—as the fires burned out and a hail of rock and dust began to fall, as the shock wave passed through and whipped around the sides of the mountain, as the android relaxed his force field and we moved awkwardly apart, the Controllers remaining within their invisible restraints. Eventually, the howling ceased and sensible thoughts began to be exchanged; with an effort, I forced myself to pay attention, to translate their stick-speak into something resembling true language, and as I did, I felt my hooves close in horror.
There had been an encounter.
Time had stopped, and a creature had emerged from nothingness.
It had shown them visions—given them a choice—granted them a favor. Had snatched us from the flow of time and assembled us on the mountaintop.
The Ellimist.
(The Ellimist.)
((The Ellimist.))
(((The Ellimist.)))
The humans did not know—Erek could not have guessed—even now, they did not fully understand. I could hear it in their voices, as they struggled to make sense of it, to regain their balance. As they began to make plans, optimistic in their ignorance, unable or unwilling to grasp the larger truth which was unfolding, which had already ensnared us all.
I struggled to find the words, to break the thoughts into pieces which their alien minds could understand. I danced across a lifetime of memories, of stories, searching for examples that would translate, would resonate, that would convey to them the degree to which the game had irrevocably changed. But I found nothing.
They did not know.
(They did not know.)
((They did not know.))
(((They did not know.)))
* * *
(Hypothesis: it is caused by malnutrition, a reaction to the strange qualities of native proteins and carbohydrates.)
((—my nervous apprehension mounted as Artash-Enasi-Derumoi dipped a hoof into the water, scraping it across the strange lichen covering the riverbed. If it really was Ellimist’s Fur—))
I looked out across the valley, at the sparkling lights of the small settlement below, unusually dim and subdued with all the dust in the air. Above, the sky was the deepest red, a shade lighter than black, reflecting the fires that still raged over the horizon. The air was heavy and quiet, each sound somehow isolated, as if the world were divided into compartments.
We had traveled a distance the humans reckoned as forty miles, carrying Tom and Peter inside of our morphs while Erek kept pace on the ground below. We had been unable to agree on a purpose or destination, and had settled for simply getting out of the dead zone unnoticed before hunger set in. The second we had landed and demorphed, the arguments had begun again.
(Hypothesis: it is an illness brought on by exposure to harmful microorganisms in the Earth environment.)
((—had kept the sphere with me for an entire revolution, as the black goo was consumed by blue-green cyanobacteria which were consumed in turn, until finally, just after my name day, I awoke to see movement, the wriggling of tiny creatures large enough to be visible without magnification—))
The humans were not doing well.
I could see it, with my stalks—even as a merely proto-social species, their connections with one another were of supreme importance. I remembered all too clearly how I had felt upon hearing the final confirmation of my brother’s death, and these humans had lost more—much more—and did not have the dain for comfort.
(—there is something of the dain in the morphing power—)
((—comfort—))
(((—power—)))
With my ground eyes, though, I could see only folly. Hypocrisy. Immaturity. They were not simply mourning—they were horrified. Shocked. Resentful, as if they had been betrayed, as if it had not been open warfare with lines clearly drawn.
I did not understand. Had they expected no retaliation, of any kind, when they struck at the heart of the Yeerk infestation? Was it so unthinkable, that the Visser might visit upon them a vengeance that was—in all honesty—fitting?
Could they truly have failed to understand what they were doing until it was done to them in turn?
(Hypothesis: it is a reaction to the sensory deprivation experienced within the nested morph.)
((Counterpoint: it began long before that, and was not meaningfully intensified during the assault on the pool.))
(Obvious response: it was meaningfully intensified, but the stress of the situation made it less noticeable. Or it is a response to the unconsciousness, instead.)
((Objection: there is no known precedent for unconsciousness causing anything like these effects.))
(Particular trauma to specific sections of the brain—)
There had been words, and words, and more words. Words surrounding Cassie and her fate. Words regarding Visser Three and his plans. Words about food, and shelter, and plans for the future—the new shape of our mission. More words than I could count, an endless cacophony against the backdrop of the eib, and yet no consensus, no agreement. The arguments had collapsed under their own weight, suffocating beneath confusion and frustration and fatigue.
Rachel had stalked off in silence, the body of a grizzly bear erupting from her lithe frame as she disappeared into the trees.
Jake had made as if to follow her—had taken several steps—and then collapsed, fainting with grief or despair or simple exhaustion.
Marco had dragged his friend over to the fire and then returned as if nothing had happened, suppressing all visible reaction as he spoke quietly and calmly with Erek, his face no less a mask than the android’s hologram.
(—they brought us to the chamber, and without warning, the floor and walls had vanished, and we were a thousand paces up, with nothing beneath our hooves and hands but clouds—)
Garrett was doing slightly better than the rest—he had asked sufficient questions to satisfy himself that Tobias would have been returned unhurt to Washington D.C., and had then retreated to a corner of the clearing. He was there now, picking up various objects and squeezing them between his palms.
The two Controllers, on the other hand—
Erek had been holding them continuously within a force field, to prevent their escape, but it hardly seemed necessary. They sat limp—almost catatonic—their eyes glassy and their jaws slack. Neither had spoken more than fourteen words since the impact.
(—impact.)
((—impact.))
(((—impact had occurred some two hundred million revolutions earlier, ending the epoch of the quadrupeds and making space for the evolution and differentiation of the dalit, an ancient, armored tunneling reptile. Tobias had seemed intrigued by this, had mentioned a similar event in Earth’s own history, but more recent—)))
(Hypothesis: you’re simply lonely. Stop exaggerating the importance of a normal—and irrelevant—emotional reaction.)
It made sense—the Controllers’ reaction. Tom Berenson and Peter Levy had no less reason to grieve than the rest of the humans, and on top of that, the Yeerks inside their heads had lost their entire—
Colony?
Nation?
Family?
(Hypothesis: it is a natural side-effect of an empty eib, no different from what you would experience in the ritual of starlight.)
((Wait—how long have I been on Earth?))
Yeerk social structures were not well understood, but whatever the specific details of their relationships, it could not be pleasant to lose one’s entire pool—particularly not at the hands of one’s own commanding officer. Elfangor had estimated twenty thousand Yeerks, in total, and half of those had still been alive after the explosion, safe within ten thousand human heads.
Well—not safe, exactly.
I took in a deep breath, feeling the stretch of skin across my ribcage, the ebb of tension along my spine.
And how are you coping, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill?
I let the breath out, lowering my tail to the ground.
Not well, if I was honest with myself. Even setting aside my growing nervousness over the fraying of my thought processes—
I had killed three Yeerks in my first day on the planet. Two more when I broke the bridge beneath the truck—
(—and two humans with them—)
((—two four eight sixteen thirty-two sixty-four—))
That was five, in total. One for each winter I could remember, of the nine revolutions I had lived and breathed.
Yesterday, we had killed ten thousand. If I took the seventh part of those upon my own shoulders, sharing the burden equally with the others, that was one for every cycle of my entire life. A death associated with each and every memory, and thousands more lost in the mists of forgetfulness.
(—watching, in awe and wonder, as my fingers melted and fused, shivering into an infinitely fine pattern of hollow spines as I shrank toward the ground—)
And then the Visser had responded. The Visser, and the Ellimist—
Are you afraid, little one?
I looked inward, sinking past the echoing silence of the eib and into the warmer, closer peace of the hirac.
I was—
It was—
(—we gathered in the moonlight as the elder wrapped his thoughts around us, drew us in, to the time before the Path, when all was new and unexplained—)
Not fear, precisely. It was more that I was uncertain—uncertain for the first time, the numbers having thrown into stark relief all of my unstated assumptions, the decisions I had never truly made, but rather simply accepted, receiving them by default from my brother, my instructors, my people.
I had nearly died. If I had not realized in time—if Rachel and Garrett had not been close enough to intervene—
(Hypothesis: you lack the necessary qualities of a warrior.)
I had not had time to think, when the chamber containing the absorption field generator exploded. But if I had, I would not have expected to awaken. I would have met my end alone, surrounded by aliens I had never met, aliens I had sworn to destroy, who were even then dying around me in the fire we had kindled in their stronghold.
((—seven and a half cycles.))
I blinked, double-checking the number.
Yes—not counting the time beneath the waves, I had spent a little over seven and a half cycles in the company of humans. Twenty-six in local time, given the dizzying, breakneck rotation of this planet.
I looked back down the slope, at the distant constellation of lights. We would go there, tomorrow—to steal food and gather news, anything that might help us decide what to do next. The pool had been an obvious target, a clear objective—now that it was gone, there was nothing to help us tell any one path from all the rest. A part of me suspected that the humans were not competent to decide, and that I should attempt to set the agenda myself.
Assuming that I wanted to. That this was still my place, and I shouldn’t simply leave.
(—leave.)
((—leave.))
(((—leave the scoop, and the orchard, and wander for seven cycles, avoiding anything that resembles a path until you find yourself alone with the sky—)))
I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending stone until the frenetic bouncing ceased, and the inside of my head was quiet once more.
No different from what you would experience in the ritual of starlight—
I opened my stalks, keeping my ground eyes closed.
Seven and a half cycles.
It wasn’t quite right. I was late, and I was two revolutions too young to begin with. I had clear memories of only five winters.
But I could still perform the ritual, if I wanted to. Tonight.
I reared up to tree-stretch, looked up at the sky with all four of my eyes—at the choked, angry red, just barely brighter than black, the color of dried blood on a battlefield. There would be no stars. Not tonight, or for any of the nights in the near future.
I could morph, though. Could try to climb above the dust, see if I could make it high enough to catch a glimpse of the Great Path. And the meditation could be performed whether I was in my true body or not—might even be enhanced by the sensations of flight.
I looked back. At Garrett, a shadow in the distance. At Marco, closer, his expression too calm by half. At the hologram of Erek the Chee. At the unmoving form of Jake, the closest thing I had to a war prince since the death of my brother. I looked, and felt once again the odd reluctance to speak, a reluctance that had been growing harder and harder to overcome.
These are not your people.
(—your people.)
((—your people.))
(((—your people.)))
I dropped back down to water-run, feeling the dirt beneath my fingers. If I closed my eyes, it felt just like the dirt from back home. But I could smell the difference in the air, taste it in my feet, the acrid bite of alien turf. And as always, the silence of the eib was overwhelming, inescapable. It roared, echoed, smothered—an abyss into which my every thought disappeared, leaving no trace. A darkness infinite, with every light a billion billion billion paces distant.
(Hypothesis: the presence of other Andalites in the eib is crucial to healthy psychological development, and a juvenile Andalite brain subjected to prolonged silence will be affected in dangerous and unpredictable ways. This is not known because it is unprecedented; on the homeworld the eib vibrates no matter how far one travels, and no one of your age has ever been this isolated for this long.)
It had been the obvious guess, three cycles ago, when I first noticed the gradual shift in my thinking patterns, the beginnings of an unraveling. I had pushed it away, then—and again after my reawakening, when the effects could no longer be denied. I had come up with a double handful of alternative explanations, causal chains which minimized the seriousness of the phenomenon, which lent themselves to concrete actions or pointed toward prognoses less bleak.
Because if it was the eib—if the silence truly was breaking me—
What was there to do? The cradle had no Z-space capabilities, and the more I saw of human technology, the less confident I was that I could build a transmitter from local materials. Elfangor’s action had been unauthorized and unilateral—my people were not coming, and I could not escape.
(—escape.)
((—escape.))
(((—escaped from the net, dodging between Faramin-Lhorash-Watumorail and Eniac-Terrusso-Movalad as they burst from their hiding spaces. I ran like a flood, my limbs churning, my stalks turned back to guard as I waved my tail. At the last second, I chambered, coiled, and sprang, leaving the ground and striking forward with my tail blade to notch the victory branch, a full ten paces high—)))
I looked up once more, thoughts as dark as the sky swirling beneath the layer of my control. They shivered and shattered, spiraled and spawned, leaving me with the unnerving sense that my mind was no longer fully my own.
And if I was my mind, as I had always been taught—if my thoughts were what made me, what set me apart from the rest of the matter in the universe, the pattern of a person, a sovereign algorithm—
‹Aximili—›
I drove the voice under, held my mind still as the ripples spread and faded.
I knew what my brother would say, and I did not care to hear it.
I focused on the avian I had copied from Cassie, the nocturnal predator with enormous eyes.
And without asking or telling anyone, I took to the air.
* * *
“What do you mean, ‘can’t’?”
The word was spoken with ice, somehow sounding like the soft whisper of a tail blade, and I felt my body tighten involuntarily in response.
(—if you must leave yourself vulnerable to one or the other, it is easier to heal from a slice than a jab, and the wound is less likely to fester—)
“I mean I won’t let you,” Erek said, his projected hologram projecting an image of a clenched jaw and tense shoulders as he let out a counterfeit sigh. “Can’t let you. My programming won’t allow it.”
Marco’s eyes flickered over to Jake, and then back to the two older humans, sitting reclined against nothing as the android held them in its force field.
“Bullshit,” he spat.
“Marco,” Jake warned, hard bone beneath the weariness in his voice.
“What’s he going to do, call the Ye—”
“Marco.”
“Yes, actually,” Erek said quietly.
A long, tense, and stony silence greeted this pronouncement. Garrett tilted his head, and Rachel’s eyes seemed to glitter in the glassy morning light.
“Explain,” Jake said flatly, pinning Marco in place with a glance.
The android forged a grimace, eyes squeezed shut and lips drawn inward. From what I had learned of human expressions, Erek was attempting to signal reluctance, chagrin, and resignation.
From what I had learned of human expressions, Jake was unmoved.
“Look, you know about the blocks in my programming,” Erek said, his voice strained as if it were difficult to get the words out. “I can’t commit or permit violence—”
“Right, I remember that bit about a robot army stopping the Holocaust—”
“Rachel!”
“No,” Erek bit out. “She’s right. It’s stupid and inconsistent and it doesn’t make any sense, and it doesn’t matter because there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing, do you understand?”
He projected the image of fists clenching, of a hand scrubbing at a forehead, of legs jittering with pent-up nervous energy.
“Look. At this point, the—censors, I guess you’d call them, the subroutines that control my core functionality, they’re aware of Temrash and Essak. Aware of them as individuals, as specific personalities, not as vaguely defined possible objects. I know that they’re here, and I know that you’re planning to starve them to death. I can’t just forget about it, and I can—not—allow it. Do you understand? And those same censors—they have access to all of my systems. My communicators. My holograms. My force fields. My chassis. My brain—if it comes down to it, those subroutines will hijack me, and they’ll make me come up with a way to save them. Even if it means taking Tom and Peter and physically giving all four of them back to the Yeerks, slavery doesn’t even register compared to death—”
“You can’t!”
Everyone jumped.
(—the sudden shout in the eib as the hologram faded, revealing the Prince of Blades standing atop the hill, a shredder in each hand, his ground eyes bandaged, blind beneath his stalks—)
Eight pairs of eyes—five alien, one artificial—swiveled to focus on the face of Tom Berenson, wild beneath a mop of sweaty hair.
“You can’t,” the Controller repeated, his voice shrill and desperate. “If you send us back—he killed all of me—of us—”
“What—”
“The Visser!” Temrash shrieked, clearly on the verge of losing control. “Aftran—there were twenty thousand of us, he didn’t even try to evacuate, he didn’t even warn us, he wanted us dead—if you send us back you’re killing us! We may be the last ones left!”
A blank, confused silence followed, as my brain gushed forth a useless mishmash of irrelevant memories and deranged speculation.
(—proper evacuation procedure requires—)
((—give you this one warning, Aximili, but there will not be a second—))
(((—intrigue in the Yeerk hierarchy? But what good does a self-imposed setback—)))
I realized—and looking around the circle, I was not alone—that until that very moment, I had not truly accounted for the weight of Visser Three’s action in Yeerk terms.
(Open question: what are the limits of Visser Three’s authority? To what extent is he subject to morale and loyalty?)
((—know we covered this in training, why didn’t I listen—))
“Well, at least we all agree it’s a dumb plan,” Marco said dryly, though his voice, too, trembled.
“Temrash,” Rachel said softly, and Tom’s head snapped toward her as Jake’s lips tightened into a thin line.
“What?” he asked, his voice still unsteady.
“We’ve seen Controllers being—reckless. Is it—unusual? To sacrifice—”
“Unusual?” he shrieked. “An entire pool? Do you not know what—”
“They don’t, Temrash,” said Peter Levy—Essak—as he spoke for the first time. “You betray—”
“I betray nothing,” Temrash hissed. “It’s Esplin who betrays, who’s betrayed us all, Aftran lived for a thousand years and she’s gone now, he’s killed—”
(—one thousand Yeerk revolutions is five hundred and thirty-six Andalite revolutions is seven hundred and thirty-five human revolutions—)
The hologram of Erek lifted a finger, and the voice of Tom Berenson broke off as his body was raised into a standing position, brought to hover before the android. “What do you mean?” Erek asked. “What do you mean by ‘Aftran? By ‘last ones left’?”
“Temrash—” Essak warned.
“What’s left to betray, Essak?” Temrash shouted, tears streaming from Tom’s eyes. “What is left to protect? This one”—he gestured at Erek—“says he won’t let us die, which is more consideration than our own Visser has offered—”
“You are a soldier, Temrash. The larger war—”
(—a warrior, Aximili—)
“Screw the larger war!” Tom’s eyes were wide, now, as Temrash swung his head away from Peter and looked straight into the eyes of the android holding him in place. “You,” he said. “I know you. You went to my school. You disappeared that day, along with thirty-five others. Korin Two-three-nine. You were Korin, Korin of Aftran—”
“We returned the thirty-six Yeerks to Visser Three directly,” Erek said, his face suddenly uncertain. “We sent a message—arranged a dropoff—a Bug fighter came to retrieve the container we left—”
Tom sucked in a breath, and for a moment I thought Temrash would scream again, would rail and rage—
(—and the fury of the Prince of Blades echoed through the eib until it shook the very air—)
—but instead he simply collapsed, sagging within the human-shaped cavity in Erek’s force field. “Then Korin is dead, too. Every scrap of Aftran save the two of us.”
“I don’t understand,” Garrett said bluntly. “Aftran is—your colony? The pool? What about the Bug fighter pilots? And the high schoolers? And the Controllers in Washington D.C. and all the other cities?”
“None of them were Aftran,” Essak answered softly. “Operational security, the Visser called it. One pool for Earth, one pool for space. The fighter pilots—the sleeper cells—they were Telor.”
“But—why—”
“I think—”
“Because we were learning!” Temrash broke in. “Things that would change the war—that would change everything. Because we’d figured out that we didn’t need him anymore!”
Essak sighed, lowering Peter Levy’s head. “They aren’t going to believe us, Temrash. Think how it would sound to you, coming from a prisoner—”
“It’s the truth!”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But this proves it! The Council was right to suspect—he doesn’t serve the Empire, he doesn’t serve anyone but himself—”
‹Stop,› I said.
I had not spoken since the pool, and the word flashed out with more power than I intended, causing all six humans to flinch. I looked around the circle, at the confusion written in the faces of my allies, the signs Garrett had taught me to look for—furrowed brows, lightly downturned lips, tilted heads, unfocused eyes.
‹Jake,› I said, hoping the alien would understand and take over. I didn’t trust my thoughts, didn’t trust my own voice, for all that I was suddenly taut, all of the looseness and chaos of the past weeks vanishing in a moment of clear sobriety. The echoes in my brain had subsided, as if even the walls of my mind were suddenly listening, absorbing what they heard—
“Mr. Levy,” Jake said, drawing the older human’s gaze. “Essak. Start over. From the beginning.”
The Controller swallowed, his eyes flickering toward Marco’s for the briefest of moments. “You have to understand,” he said slowly, “we’re not just saying this so you’ll let us live. It’s the truth—”
“Prove it,” Marco snarled. “Get out of my dad’s head and let him tell me.”
“I can’t,” he said. “You have no stasis chambers, no containers—there isn’t even a body of water nearby. If I leave my host, I’ll die.”
“Then—”
“Marco.”
“I wasn’t going to say die, fuck you very much. Get into Erek’s head—he’s got a place where he can hold a Yeerk, doesn’t he?”
Essak pulled the strings, and Peter Levy bit his lip, the muscles in his upper body coiling and tightening. “It’s not that simple,” he said, his voice suddenly small and timid. “Marco—your father. He—he doesn’t want me to leave.”
* * *
There was silence around the circle, for once as total and oppressive as that which dominated the eib.
Marco had cried, for a time—when Essak first left his father’s head, and Peter Levy had confirmed the truth with his own voice, his own will—but now his face was carved from diamonds, a solid mask that gave nothing away.
Erek pulled away, and we watched in morbid fascination as the last tendril of Essak slithered into Peter’s ear, leaving behind a trace of moisture. Watched as Peter twitched, small noises escaping his mouth as the Yeerk once again melted into the cracks of his cerebrum, their neurons fusing together into a single network.
“It’s still me, Marco.” Peter said softly. “Essak—he made sure I didn’t say anything, made sure I didn’t give it away to anybody else. But—he’s been giving me more and more control, and now—”
“Stockholm syndrome,” Marco spat, and Peter Levy winced, falling silent.
I did not ask.
There was a—hardening, of Peter’s features—a tightening of Control—and from the looks on the humans’ faces, they could all see the difference.
Essak was back.
“You knew your father was struggling with depression,” he said, his eyes fixed on Marco. “With alcoholism. With meaningless, low-paying work.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “With a son who still hadn’t forgiven him, for what happened to his mother.”
Marco said nothing, only stared with eyes of stone.
“We helped. We can see all of it—see the patterns, the root causes. Tinker with the neurotransmitters, restore a healthy balance—”
“Hypnosis and drugs. You’re talking about brainwashing.”
“No, Marco. There’s no need for brainwashing, when we can take complete control any time we want. We were healing him—”
“Stop,” Jake commanded, as Marco’s knuckles began to turn white. “Not now, Essak. Maybe—”
He looked back and forth between father and son. “Maybe not ever,” he said bluntly. “Right now, we still have to decide what to do with you.”
“You can’t send us back,” Temrash insisted. “The Visser will kill us.”
“You don’t know that, Yeerk,” Jake countered. “He could have just been trying to kill us, and containing the threat of exposure at the same time.”
“What threat? We owned Ventura! Fire, police, news—there was nothing to stop him from simply covering it up. There would have been a hundred eyewitnesses all saying the same thing, a hundred experts all confirming the same story—”
“Until you started to starve,” Rachel cut in. “Don’t forget, I’ve seen the cages. Seen what you do to people. To families. To kids.” Her eyes flickered toward Peter, toward Marco. “You can’t possibly have had more than a tiny handful of willing hosts—the rest of them were ready to watch you burn.”
“We weren’t going to starve,” Temrash insisted. “We found a Kandrona alternative weeks ago.”
There was a silence as loud as an explosion.
“What?” Jake spluttered.
“The oatmeal. Instant oatmeal, Ralph’s brand, the kind with maple and ginger flavoring—”
“WHAT—“
“—it’s not as strong as true Kandrona, the host has to eat it a couple of times a day, but as long as you keep it coming, the Yeerk can stay out of the pool indefinitely—”
Jake’s mouth opened, but no sound emerged. Around the circle, the rest of the humans were equally shocked, even Erek hoisting an expression of confusion and dismay onto his artificial face.
A part of me was reeling, appalled—the Yeerks’ most exploitable weakness, gone—another heavy blow for the larger war effort, which was looking bleaker than ever—
Another part of me was laughing, the deranged amusement of utter despair.
(The Ellimist. This is the Ellimist’s doing.)
“We weren’t through testing it, obviously. But we put thirty people on it, and we pulled a Yeerk out of the experiment every three days, and the first nine were all fine, no sign of any side effects, and there’s plenty of oatmeal to go around, even if we had to bring some in from the surrounding area, we could have easily lasted long enough to build a new pool—”
And then I made the connection, my impaired brain finally putting hoof and tail together—
If they were telling the truth about the oatmeal—
(—and what point was there in lying? Erek would force us to test it, soon enough, since neither the Yeerks nor Jake and Marco were willing to send Tom and Peter back to Visser Three—)
—if they were telling the truth about that, then they were also correct about Visser Three, who would not have wiped out the city only to destroy us, he would have known that there were better-than-even odds that we had dispersed beyond the immediate vicinity, even if the Ellimist had not intervened, both Tobias and the cube would have survived anyway—
(Alternate hypothesis: everything the Ellimist showed them was a lie, and it was the Ellimist who launched the asteroid, or who arranged for the invasion to take place on a site that had been doomed from the start—)
—there had to be another motive, something worth both the political costs of failure and the logistical costs of undoing every scrap of progress they had made—
(—not every scrap; they still have the sleeper cells in other cities and whatever materiel the Naharan factory had managed to produce, plus ten thousand hosts’ worth of intelligence seized and lessons learned—
((—had this all been a throwaway operation? Since the very beginning? A chance to taste the grass, to gather data on the obstacles before starting in earnest?))
“If what you’re saying is true,” Jake began, recovering his composure.
“It’s true,” Essak confirmed.
“If it’s true, then Visser Three—”
“It’s true,” Rachel said grimly.
We all turned to look at her, as she turned to look at Tom, stared straight into his eyes. “I’ve seen inside his mind,” she said slowly, seeming somehow to look through him, as if she could see inside his skull, see the Yeerk wrapped around the human brain. “I’ve seen the way he thinks, the kind of plans he makes. I can never remember the details, but—”
She sucked in a breath. “It’s exactly what Esplin would do, if you all were starting to turn against him. It—fits. It makes sense now, in my head. And it didn’t, five minutes ago.”
“But it doesn’t make sense,” Garrett broke in. “It doesn’t solve his main problem at all. I mean, if they all—um—learned the power of friendship—after just a few months, won’t the next batch of Yeerks just—do the same thing? It doesn’t add up.”
“You don’t understand,” Essak said, sighing wearily. “We didn’t learn it all at once. We still hadn’t really learned it at all, yet. Peter is—we are—special. Rare. There were experiments. Many of them were going poorly. It’s possible we would have made a different decision, in the end. But in at least a few cases, it was working, we were leaning toward—”
“Toward symbiosis,” said Erek, breaking his long silence.
“Not even that. Look, I—you have to understand, we’re not used to thinking of host species as having any kind of—of dignity, of moral weight. On our homeworld, there’s nothing else that’s even as intelligent as a horse. Hork-Bajir, Taxxons—even the Naharans, for all their engineering brilliance—they don’t have rich, internal experiences, complex personalities. The first true intelligence we encountered was the Andalites, and they didn’t exactly inspire trust and friendship.”
Essak directed Peter’s gaze at me. “Of all of the pools in the Yeerk Empire, Aftran was one of the only ones—maybe the only one—that could have opened this door. We could have led the way, perhaps. Perhaps not. But none of the other Yeerks are likely to make the same discovery, especially not if Visser Three is manipulating them to prevent it. There are all sorts of things he might do—provoke early hostility, incite xenophobia and racism, kill off any humans that seem particularly empathetic. Or just focus on infants and toddlers, strangle the personality before it has a chance to become interesting.”
“You talk about your pool as if it was a person,” Jake observed.
Essak didn’t answer, instead turning to look at Tom, locking eyes with the other Controller for a long moment.
“It’s not betrayal,” Temrash said cryptically. “The Visser is the enemy. We cannot leave him in control of the armies of the Empire.”
Essak took in a deep breath through his nose, gnawed at his lip.
“Aftran was the first,” Temrash pressed. “We won’t be the last.”
Essak let out the breath as if he had been punched, his shoulders dropping. “For that reason if no other,” he muttered, and turned toward me.
“There is a secret we have kept from the Andalites,” he said. “From the very beginning, from the moment you landed. It’s the reason we barred you from entering the pools, or observing the coalescions up close.”
He paused, looking into my ground eyes, and the last piece clicked into place.
—he killed all of me—
‹The pool is not simply a home,› I guessed, feeling the truth of the words as I spoke them. ‹The coalescion is not just a sharing. It is—you are—one individual. Aftran was a single individual.›
I heard Garrett gasp, and made another connection in the back of my mind, to a day when a morph went horribly wrong—
“Yes,” Essak said. “She—I—we collected everything, all of the experiences of every Yeerk in Ventura county. We saw all of it, took part in all of it.”
“You remember—” Jake began.
“No.” Essak shook his head. “Temrash and I are fragments—shards—the barest scraps of Aftran’s personality. Like if—if someone took one afternoon of your life, and made a clone of you, and those were the only memories they gave it, just the things that happened between lunch and dinner on that one day. You’d be human—sort of. It’d be you—but only sort of.”
“We make decisions together,” Temrash added. “As one organism, one mind, we absorb it all, and then we send out—parts, I guess, parts of ourself, and those parts do—they do what they can, each one has a job, like different cells or organs, we’re different but we’re all part of the same self.”
My mind was racing, my thoughts leaping ahead as I formed new hypotheses, new explanations, it made so much sense, how could Seerow not have known—
(—the intelligence of the coalescion must be far beyond that of a single Yeerk, beyond even that of an Andalite—an entire race of Seerows—)
((—no wonder, in scarcely two revolutions they went from prescientific to successfully waging war against the most advanced species in known space—))
(((—how many pools are there on the surface, we covered this in school—)))
Wait. I had seen holograms of the Gedds who traveled with Seerow—seen them follow him across the planet. They had fed in many different pools—
Oh.
‹Individual Yeerks moving between pools—this is how you communicate?›
Essak nodded. “Memetic exchange as well as genetic. It’s the primary reason we feel driven to infest and expand—to find other pools to mingle with. We are blind, remember, and for every host there are a thousand others who never leave, who never get the chance to see for themselves. The sharing is the only way, our only door to the wider world—”
(—of course, a single pool, kept isolated on the surface—Aftran would have been maximally motivated to stretch, to grow—)
((—and the host influences the parasite, it must, there were no peace movements among the Hork-Bajir. The Visser used quarantine protocols because he wasn’t sure what effect humans would have on Yeerks—didn’t want to contaminate his entire assault force if something went wrong—))
The war council. I had to inform the war council, as soon as possible. How the Yeerks had managed to conceal this for so long, I did not understand—
Or you could not inform the war council.
I stiffened momentarily—involuntarily, before my brain caught up and I forced myself to relax again, hoping that none of the others had noticed.
“So the sacrifices,” Rachel asked. “The suicidal Yeerks. When they die—”
“No one wants to die,” Temrash answered. “But if you’re only losing a single afternoon, out of your whole lifetime—”
“We create and recreate our individual selves,” Essak elaborated. “If we need to sacrifice a part of ourselves, we can—build, I suppose you’d say, build a Yeerk that’s unafraid of death, that wants only glory, or cares only for protecting the whole—”
“—but we can’t do it too often, if we lose the parts of ourselves that are fearless then we become fearful, if we give away too much of ourselves then what remains is no longer quite the same—”
‹Visser Three,› I broke in. ‹Esplin.›
Essak tightened the muscles in Peter’s face. “He was once Cirran. Of the seventh pool, the place where Seerow did his mad science. But—when we take a host—”
“No two species work the same way,” Temrash said. “We have to tailor ourselves to the host. To control a human takes a lot of personality, of processing power. We literally have to put more of ourselves in—more neurons, more threads-of-being, a physically larger Yeerk. To control a Hork-Bajir, or a Gedd, not so much. And if you take the Yeerk out of a Gedd and put it into a human, it might not even be enough to influence your mood.”
Essak grimaced. “We had never taken an Andalite. And we had but one chance—”
“You put in too much,” Jake said.
He nodded. “Too much intelligence. Too much aggression. Too much ambition. Cirran—she thought that—to overwhelm the mind of Alloran, the greatest military strategist of the glorious Andalite race—”
“And so Visser Three, what—took over?”
“He levered us into war,” Essak said bitterly. “It didn’t take much—we were already furious with the Andalites. For years, they had looked down on us—imprisoned us—experimented on us. Showed us the stars, showed us what was possible, and then refused to let us rise. They could have—it would have taken us a thousand years to develop what they might have given us, freely, without cost to themselves. A single encyclopedia, one single host with the knowledge of how to build a radio, a refinery, a rocket—”
‹You were speaking of Visser Three,› I interrupted.
“Like I said, we were furious. We had arranged to take Alloran as a hostage, to improve our bargaining position and get a closer look at Andalite military technology. But Cirran—Esplin, really, even from the start it was no longer truly Cirran any longer—he destroyed two Andalite cruisers and captured a third, and offered the Council a choice. He would prosecute the war for them, take the fight to the Andalites—”
“—and in exchange, we would provide him with one Yeerk every three days. One Yeerk to consume, for its Kandrona, so that he would never have to return to the pool again.”
There was yet another deafening silence.
“You—he—what—”
“He—something about the particular mix of traits, or the influence of Alloran’s mind—he is not truly Yeerk, any longer. He does not desire the sharing, fears the loss of his own unique personality. He has become a cannibal, and we pay blood sacrifice for his help in keeping the Andalites at bay.”
(—looking to maintain his position, to preserve his advantage—)
‹You never wondered at his failure to take another Andalite?› I asked, fury and relief flooding my mind in equal measure as the picture came together. ‹In battle after battle—no, even before the battles, when he walked among us, unsuspected—you never wondered how he could fail to capture even a single, second Andalite for you to—›
“Did you wonder, Andalite?” Essak snapped. “Did your people, in their arrogance, their conceit? Or did you simply think yourselves smarter than Alloran-Semitur-Corrass? We had no cause to question Esplin’s loyalty. He gave us the Naharans in a week. In every battle, his command of strategy preserved enough Yeerk lives to pay his tribute a hundred times over. There are a hundred pools as large as the largest thirteen on the homeworld.”
“Wait,” Rachel objected. “You said—your council, Tom said they suspected—”
“How could we not? There had never been a mind we couldn’t see inside, never been a Yeerk whose thoughts weren’t shared by all. He made himself suspicious by his very desire, something none of us had ever wanted—something we could barely even understand. The oatmeal we discovered—it will never be used by any more than the tiniest part of ourselves, and even then only in the direst need—imagine being only a fraction of yourself, if someone cut out your brain, left you just enough to be aware of everything you’d lost—”
“But he brought us hosts,” Temrash said, picking up the thread. “He brought us hosts, and he held back the scourge of the Andalites, who even now would drive us back to the mud puddles of our homeworld—”
“You enslave people,” Jake snapped. “You’re using my brother’s face to talk to me about how the Andalites aren’t treating you right? Which one of you started this war?”
“We learned,” Temrash shot back. “Peace is possible. And even now—Tom will admit, it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve helped him a lot—”
“Tom,” Jake said, his voice suddenly cold as ice. “Tom, don’t worry, I’m going to drag him out of your head and—and eat him, Tom, he’s going to die for what he’s doing to you—”
“Jake!” Erek shouted.
“For mom, and dad, and grandpa—you assholes, Ventura is gone because of you—”
“Jake, stop talking. Stop talking right now, before you force an override—”
I squeezed my eyes shut, sank into the hirac, trying to focus. I could feel my thoughts spinning, feel a rising apprehension, as if there were some important question I was still forgetting to ask, some forgotten opportunity that would vanish and would not come again. I looked back and forth between the two Controllers, between my human companions and the android Erek, and struggled to think.
Who started this war?
I didn’t know. I knew what I was supposed to know, but I didn’t actually know it. I had had many thoughts the night before, as I drifted through the lightless sky—thoughts I’d never had before, thoughts I maybe couldn’t have had before, surrounded as I always had been by the collective will of my people. For the first time, I was unsure—not just of the answers, but of the questions themselves.
(—and now all of the knowledge that the Aftran pool pieced together—their empathy, their perspective, the promise of peace, a memetic weapon aimed straight at the heart of the Yeerk war machine—)
((—and now all of the intel that these two Controllers possess—the first defectors in the history of the species and quite possibly the last—))
—it was all here, in our hands by the slimmest of chances, a tangle of events complex beyond imagining, an outcome almost unthinkably unlikely, and yet each step toward it had felt obvious and inevitable—
And then I knew.
“—it’s murder,” Temrash was shouting, as I rose from my meditation, turned back to the conversation. “In the last thousand years, there hasn’t been a single murder, not one, no one kills an entire pool—”
“Oh, but you’ll kill humans—”
“No! You’ve killed humans! We want you alive!”
“Tell that to Melissa Chapman,” Rachel snarled. “To Mr. and Mrs. Chapman, Mr. and Mrs. Withers—”
“Enough!” Jake bellowed, as loud as I had ever heard a human, and they fell silent, Temrash and Essak and Rachel and Marco, four jaws clicking shut as one.
<Essak,> I said after a time, preserving the hush as I sent my words through the eib. <I have a question.>
Essak raised Peter’s eyebrows, and I continued.
<You said that you—Aftran—that of all the Yeerk pools, you were perhaps the only one that might have come to see the humans as equals. Is this something the Visser would know? Does he know the—the temperament—of the individual coalescions at his command?>
“Yes,” Essak said, a hint of a question in his tone. “He communicates regularly with representatives from each pool. Sometimes—”
The face of Peter Levy tightened, and a lump moved in his throat. “Sometimes, I am told, he uses a Leeran morph before consuming his meal.”
<And he commands thirteen pool ships, correct? Twenty-six pools in total?>
“Forty. Many of the ships are much larger than the one that brought us here.”
<Where are they?>
Essak tilted Peter’s head, opened Peter’s mouth, closed it again. When he finally spoke, the words were slow and careful. “They were delayed,” he said. “A rift opened up, during transit—a Z-space barrier, isolating this system. Ours was the only ship that made it through. The Visser has often been away, at the edges of the rift. Studying it, I think, and looking for a bridge.”
<Is the rift impassable?>
“No. The other ships are still coming. But—slowly. What should have taken days is now a journey of months.”
I nodded. It was the most common human gesture, the first gesture Garrett had taught me.
Who started this war?
It wasn’t the Yeerks, or the Andalites—wasn’t Cirran or Esplin or Seerow or Alloran.
Twenty thousand had died the day before. Perhaps ten times as many humans, perhaps more. Before that, my brother—Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul.
Before that, the Hork-Bajir. The Taxxons. The Naharans, and the Gedd. The Garatrons, the Leerans, the Ongachic and the Skrit Na. Thousands of Andalite warriors, in a broken line that cut all the way back to Alloran himself—Alloran, who was captured, tortured, his every waking moment an endless torment as his brilliance was twisted against the armies of his friends, his protégés.
The blood of millions, on the hands of a being I had thought was just a children’s story. The Yeerks were not the enemy—they were pawns, as my people were pawns.
As I was a pawn. As Tobias and Garrett were pawns, and Jake my prince, and Marco and Cassie and Rachel my allies.
And yet—
What could I do? You cannot fight a god.
Not unless it wants you to.
* * *
(—smell of burning hydrocarbons THREAT light glaring off of the harsh, unnatural planes of artificial caves DANGER follow the lines the angles calculate the distances closing in count down seven six five four three two one—)
((—held my blade against the throat of Ertai-Marcus-Lawran and felt the pressure in the eib like a physical force DISAPPROVAL removed the blade and stretched out a hand SATISFACTION as the elders watched, weighing—))
(((—one billion Andalites, seven billion humans, one Andalite for every seven humans, it couldn’t be a coincidence—)))
I should not have come.
Ahead of me, Garrett and Rachel moved comfortably through the thin crowd, untroubled by the chaotic sights and sounds and smells.
(—green plants sun drinking purple poison the reptile that lurks beneath the loose bark of the blackiron tree grey ashes and fog—)
((—are you listening to me, cadet? Yes? Then you will repeat back to me the significance of these three small peaks in the electromagnetic band—))
Faltering, I paused, stepped toward one of the artificial structures and leaned against it, the rough surface almost exactly the color of my human skin. I closed my eyes, pretending stone, trying to quiet the tumult.
It was getting worse—much worse—the pattern-matching processes of my brain running haywire as every stimulus sparked seven threads of thought and memory and speculation. It was as if my mind was trying to fill the vast and empty silence of the eib through sheer volume of thought, burning through a hundred operations a second.
Orient.
I focused on the feel of the wall against my palm, the heat of the sun on my face, the slide and shift of fabric against my body.
(—temperature to flux, flux to distance, distance to mass, mass to age, confirm against the color, gravitational attraction between the planet and the star proportional to the square of the distance between them—)
“Ax?”
My eyes snapped open to see Garrett standing beside me, a cautious distance away, his hands in the folds of his artificial skin.
(—eyes wide, brows converging upward, mouth closed with edges slightly downturned—)
Concern. Garrett was concerned.
“Ein—sorry—I am all right. I just—”
Garrett’s head turned as he scanned the street and sidewalk and buildings around us, the humans walking and talking and impelling their mechanical transports.
(—tiny furrowing of the brow, deepening of the frown—)
((—striking distance striking distance evade striking distance closing closing THREAT TOO CLOSE DANGER where is my tail—))
I squeezed my eyes shut.
<Garrett, what—>
<Garrett here. It’s fine, we’re just—we’ll be there in a second. Go ahead in, over.>
There was a mental ripple that felt like a scoff.
“Thanks, mom,” Garrett muttered, almost too quietly for me to hear.
I partially opened my eyes to see the human boy lowering himself to one knee. Rachel was visible in the distance, her arms crossed, her eyes fixed on us as she waited outside of the entrance to our destination.
(—shredder power will attenuate by half for every forty-nine body lengths; adjust accordingly; setting seven—)
There was a tug by my foot and I looked down to see that Garrett was disentangling the lacing on my artificial hooves.
“What are you—”
“Hold still,” he said, not looking up. “This will help.”
I held still, closing my eyes again as the colors flared, every individual movement drawing my attention, demanding analysis, the profligate consumption of my cognitive resources—
(—trajectory—)
((—threat assessment—))
(((—chemical composition—)))
There was another tug, and I let out an involuntary gasp.
“Garrett—”
“Better?”
He continued to pull on the lacing, looping the loose ends over one another in a complex pattern, forming a quick, efficient knot. The hoof—
(—shoe—)
—the shoe was now significantly tighter than it had been, the foam and fabric pulled taut around the shape of my foot so that my foot-fingers were squeezed together and I could feel the pulse of my heartbeat with every passing moment.
“Yes,” I said, amazed.
It was as though Garrett had turned on a magnet, activated a gravity well—suddenly, all of the mental energy that had been spiraling outward was pulled in, the lines of attention anchored in the steady sensation of pressure.
“Good,” he said, shifting to the other foot. With deft fingers, he repeated the operation and straightened, peering into my eyes with a searching, questioning look.
I smiled, attempting to arrange my features into a reassuring shape. “Thank you,” I said, and after a slow, lingering nod, we resumed walking.
(—lines of attack, lines of retreat—)
It wasn’t perfect—on some level, my mind continued to fray, following paths of reasoning without reference to my conscious self. But the effect was one of a muted, buzzing distraction rather than an overwhelming cacophony, as if the past cycle’s worth of degeneration had been completely undone.
“How did you—” I began.
“Your face,” he said quietly, his eyes lowered to the pavement as we approached the giant storehouse.
“And you—where—”
“Tobias showed me. I don’t know where he learned it.”
He scuffed his shoes deliberately against the concrete as he walked—looked up toward the dust-wrapped sun and squinted. “Is it too much, or too little?” he asked.
“Both,” I said.
He nodded. “The worst,” he said simply. “Try humming.”
“Humming?”
He demonstrated.
I nodded. “Thank you, Garrett.”
“No problem.”
We stepped into the shadow of the building, Rachel uncrossing her arms as we approached. “All good?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Garrett said. “Ax forgot how to tie his shoes, is all.”
She snorted, the darkness under her eyes seeming to lighten for a brief moment. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s do this.”
We entered the building, passing through the automated glass doors beneath the red sign reading RALPH’S. A blast of cool air passed over my face, surprising me, and when I opened my eyes again, we were in—
(—colors red orange THREAT yellow POISON green SUMMER blue SHREDDER pink AVIAN brown DESERT white BONE—)
—a madhouse.
If Garrett had not performed his magic on my shoes, I would have lost control on the spot. There was so much—so much noise, so many things to see, smells that mixed and fought and tugged on some deep, animal instinct inside my human body.
“What is this place?” I asked in a whisper.
“Supermarket,” Rachel said, reaching toward a rectangular metal basket with four wheels. “Come on, we need to get moving.”
The interior of the cavernous structure was arranged in aisles—long, parallel rows of stacked shelves, every shelf packed to the brim with colorful boxes and bags and cylinders. I trailed along behind the other two as they slowly filled the cart, asking questions as we went.
“Canned fruit,” Garrett said, as Rachel selected items and dropped them into the cart. “Crackers. Cookies. Um—made from wheat? A—um—a grain, ground up into a powder, and then mixed with milk—”
“Go ahead, explain cows to him,” Rachel said, turning the cart perpendicular to the aisle and traveling along the corridor by the wall, which was filled with giant, refrigerated tubs.
“Meat,” Garrett said. “That’s chicken, that’s beef, that’s pork—um—is any of this making any sense at all?”
“Chicken is—an avian?” I said, trying to parse the image that my translator was feeding me.
“Sort of.”
“And beef is—”
I frowned. The picture didn’t seem to make much sense, when compared to the term meat—
“This animal is—composite? Made of—er—brown cylinders, and green fabric, and a yellow square—”
Garrett laughed. “That’s a burger. Beef goes in a burger. It comes from a cow.”
Another image, this time of a large, quadrupedal grazer.
“I do not see the connection between cows and milk,” I said.
“Forget it,” Garrett advised. “Here, look—breakfast aisle. Those’re Eggos, those’re Pop Tarts, all of those boxes are cereal—”
“—and here’s the oatmeal,” Rachel said grimly.
(—mutiny insurrection rebellion uprising traitor revolt—)
She reached out to the row of rectangular boxes, swept six of them into the cart. “One box is how many days?” she asked.
“Three,” Garrett answered. “Per person. So, one and a half, total.”
She looked down at the cart, then back at the shelf, then grabbed two more boxes. “There. That’s almost two weeks.”
She looked at each of us in turn, then gave a tight nod and continued down the aisle. Garrett and I followed, each slightly subdued.
There had been further argument over Temrash and Essak, over Tom Berenson and Peter Levy. Marco had moved to force Essak out of his father’s head, Peter’s own testimony notwithstanding. That issue had not been settled until the sun was nearly overhead, and then it had been followed by the realization that Temrash could not live permanently in Erek’s head.
“I don’t have any kind of nutrient delivery system,” the android had explained. “Water and neural interfaces were hard enough—we have blocks on self-improvement that we had to work around, and it took specialized equipment to ready the cavity inside my chassis. I could hold him, but he’d just have to go back into somebody else’s head twice a day. Maybe for hours, depending on how long it takes for the nutrients to filter through a human digestive system and make their way to the brain.”
The discussion that followed had been heated. Both Jake and Marco had suggested various ways by which Temrash might be killed, and Erek had again threatened to go to Visser Three, which had set the two Controllers off again. I had suggested status quo, to which Marco had responded nobody asked you, Silent Bob, and also go fuck yourself, dicktail.
There had been some talk of taking another human—someone from the town—until Garrett had pointed out that this would require violence, and that since we had discussed it in front of Erek, the android would probably not be able to ignore it. Erek had agreed, and Marco had called both of them several words which the translator could not parse.
In the end, there had been no consensus. And since the oatmeal would buy us time in any case, it had been added to the list.
(—list the items in your survival kit: medpack, compact scanner, emergency rations for three cycles, three shredders. Cadet! Why three shredders, and not one or two—)
We turned another corner and entered a more open area of the storehouse, this one filled with large, square platforms covered in plant matter and smaller kiosks covered in an incredible range of soft, brown substances. Rachel and Garrett exchanged a few words and split up, leaving me with the cart as they each threaded between the platforms, grabbing item after item—
“Excuse me, sir—would you like to try a free sample?”
I turned.
Some twenty paces away, a young human in a uniform was waving in my direction, standing next to one of the smaller kiosks. It was built of slanted platforms, each of which held a number of round brownish blobs slathered in some thick, white substance.
“Come have a bite; they’re free!”
I hesitated, glancing toward Garrett and Rachel, each some distance away. Was it safe to leave our selections unattended—
(—eat want love desire hunger follow take delicious mine—)
I stopped.
(—mine get mine want mine must have—)
There was a smell.
(—mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—)
Conscious thought fell away, leaving only primal instinct—a clutching, grasping, animal desire to find the thing, find it and eat it, what was it, where is it—
I stepped forward toward the human, toward the display.
“Fresh out of the oven,” the human called, smiling as I approached.
If I had been more myself—more in control—if I hadn’t spent the past two weeks slowly unraveling—
“What—” I croaked, my throat suddenly tight with need. “What is it?”
“Cinnamon buns,” the human said, extending a gloved hand, one of the blobs cradled within.
—even then, I might not have been able to stop.
I took one bite—
Another—
I reached for the kiosk—
“Buns!” I screamed, heard myself screaming, as if I were standing outside of my own body, a mere observer. “Sin sin sinnnnnnamon cinnamon bun bun bun-zuh!” The human backed away, shouting, a meaningless expression coming over its meaningless face.
I cannot describe it. The beauty. The ecstasy. The sheer, overwhelming bliss. I tore through the stack, shoveling the magnificent substance into my mouth hole with both hands, the last sane fragment of myself watching in helpless horror. I rubbed it on my face, my body—inhaled its scent through my nose—swallowed it in giant, unchewed chunks, savoring the sensation as it slid roughly down my throat.
The icing.
The filling.
The warm, chewy, texture—so satisfying to gnaw, to bite, and yet dissolving to nothing on my tongue.
(More.)
((More.))
(((More.)))
I had never—never—experienced anything like it. My normal, native body had nothing resembling the human sensation of taste, only a simple organ for detecting whether a given kind of plant matter was palatable or not. My mind was awash in hormonal pleasure, everything else swept away by a wave of hedonistic desire. I did not care about the Yeerks. I did not care about my companions. I did not think. I did not exist. I simply consumed, was meant to consume, was fulfilling the central purpose of the universe, which had come into being for the sake of cinnamon buns, had evolved morphing technology so that I could devour them.
No, some tiny part of me begged.
But the rest of me could not hear.
At one point, three humans in dark uniforms came near. They attempted to seize my limbs, to take me away.
I did not hold back.
It was some time later before another hand grabbed me, this one thick and black and leathery, wielded by a creature I could not easily overcome. It lifted me up, dragged me away, and I clawed at its face, at its eyes, screamed for it to let me go, to take me back, pleaded and begged and cried even as I tore at the remnants clinging to my shirt, dragged my fingers across my cheeks to collect the sweet sticky residue that covered my face—
PAIN
I reeled, my vision whiting out as something hit my head, hard.
“Cinnamon—”
PAIN
Something cracked in my jaw, and something clicked in my mind.
<Demorph,> said a voice in my head, as hard and unyielding as steel. A voice I realized I had already heard, had been hearing over and over without understanding.
(—shame—)
((—confusion—))
(((—horror—)))
I demorphed.
* * *
“This is serious, Ax. Why didn’t you tell us?”
I tried to break the thought down into words, and failed. It was just too difficult to convey, without the ability to access shades of meaning, to transmit emotion as it was felt, and not simply as it sounded in summary. Words would not communicate the why—if I said that I felt alone, and that this lonesome feeling made me want not to talk to my human companions—
Even in my own head, it sounded idiotic, paradoxical. And yet it was true—more than that, it made sense. It had been, on some level, the correct choice.
But I couldn’t say any of that.
<I am sorry,> I said.
(—a fool, an utter fool, an unworthy unwelcome child, a disgrace—)
((—put you at risk, forced you to morph in a public place, if someone had recorded you it would have been my fault, if Garrett hadn’t been carrying all the food—))
(((—a liability, can’t be trusted, better off without—)))
—and above and behind and around all of that, a deep and quivering horror at the swiftness with which the experience had carried me away. The degree to which I had been overwhelmed, stripped of my personhood, my core values overwritten by a single, animal desire—one that none of my companions seemed to have any trouble resisting.
Was I that weak?
That fragile?
(It could be the mind-sickness. Your defenses were lowered, your resources depleted—)
But that made no difference. My defenses were lowered. My resources were depleted. It was not some one-time, special case that could be dismissed as unlikely to recur. My past self had utterly betrayed my present self, instantaneously and without reservation, and if my present self were offered the same choice, it would sacrifice my future self just as easily.
<I am sorry,> I repeated, the packaged words inadequate, the shame too great to bear. <I cannot explain. It—I—>
I felt my limbs shake, and dropped down to river-run, then sank to root-lie, my ground eyes closed against the dirt, my tail flat and limp. Without the pressure of the human shoe to distract me, the silence of the eib slammed into me with physical force, the weight of a black and featureless universe pressing down on my spine. I could feel myself sinking—lost—utterly alone.
It felt appropriate.
* * *
Somehow, they got me back to camp.
Somehow, they kept it quiet.
I didn’t know why.
Rachel said nothing, only glared at me in anger—
(—lower eyelids raised to narrow the eyes, tension in the lips and jaw, brows drawn together and down—)
—and stalked away, warning Garrett that I was his problem, then.
He crouched beside me in the forest, his hand in my fur, and screamed into the eib for as long as he could—a private scream, just for me, a note of presence that cut through the emptiness and wrapped around me like a blanket.
It nearly broke me—the relief, the respite. I collapsed—shaking—sobbing—grateful. It didn’t fix anything, but it helped—gave me the clarity I needed to think, to reach my final decision.
‹Yeerk,› I whispered.
It was four in the morning as the humans reckoned time, the fire long since burned out, everyone asleep except for Erek, keeping watch. I told him I would speak to Temrash—told him I would approach, would perhaps even touch, but that I would keep my tail limp, would attempt no violence. I told him, and asked him not to intervene, knowing that he would watch, that his force fields would surround me, awaiting only the slightest justification to solidify.
‹Yeerk,› I whispered again. ‹Temrash.›
The human Tom Berenson stirred, his head sliding on the mound of dirt he had formed for a pillow.
‹Temrash,› I said, putting some force behind the thought.
He awoke.
‹Relax. I am not here to harm you.›
He turned to look at Erek, a dim silhouette outlined against the reflected glow of the town lights. The android nodded.
“What do you want?”
I moved closer, kneeling as I did so to make the movement less threatening. I rested my head against the ground, putting my stalks level with his eyes as he lay half-propped. They were twin pits in the darkness, motionless and unreadable.
‹I have two questions for you, Yeerk, if you will answer them.›
There was a long silence.
“Will you answer two of mine?” he asked.
‹Yes.›
I heard a soft hiss as Temrash took in a breath with Tom’s body. “Okay,” he said.
‹What did you think, the first time you looked upon the stars?›
Another pause.
“Me?” he asked. “Or Aftran?”
‹You.›
His shape shifted, and I could tell that he was looking up at the night sky, still choked and black with dust from the impact.
“Nothing,” he said finally. “When I first saw the stars, I thought they were just—specks. Like rocks in the sky. Gedd eyes—they don’t see well, and we knew no world beside our own.”
He was quiet for a moment, and I began to form my second question—
“I didn’t really see them until the battle over Arn.”
I paused, waiting.
“We swarmed a colony of Hork-Bajir one night—a thousand Gedd, armed with stunners, and only a hundred of them. I was one of the first. I chose the largest adult I could find, pressed our ears together—”
(—death enemy madness cut kill consume—)
“I knew what the stars were, then. When I opened my eyes—”
(—thief abomination burn erase undo deny—)
“I lay on that battlefield for an hour. We all did. Not a single one of us could bear to look away. There were so many, and they were so—so very beautiful, the skies of Arn are thin and clear, it was like looking into infinity—”
(—lies murder vengeance Elfangor smother strangle starve—)
“—and I thought—”
(—monster—)
“—I just wanted—”
(—die—)
“—to see. To touch. To hold. To reach out—to reach up. I wanted to fly up, and grab them, and bring them back down into the pool, to fill the pool with light so that all of Aftran could see. There were so many—I thought—even if I took a hundred—a thousand—I could bring a thousand of them down, could string them across all the pools in all the worlds, and still there would be stars to spare.”
He fell silent, and I closed my eyes, remembering a hilltop, and the feel of my brother’s tail twining with mine as we both lay on our backs, our ground eyes skyward—
“My first question for you, Andalite. If you win this war, what will you do? To my people?”
Know victory.
‹There is talk of a quantum virus,› I said. ‹Tuned to exact specifications, able to spread through Z-space. Only talk, for now—the virus doesn’t exist, may not even be possible, and may be too great of a risk even if it is possible.›
“But there is talk.”
‹Yes.›
He shifted, raising himself up to a sitting position, wrapped his arms around his knees. “Why did you wake me up, Andalite?”
‹Is that your second question, Yeerk?›
“No.”
There was another silence, in which the Earthbound insects chirped and the eib thundered with echoing madness. We waited, each of us watching the other in the dark, as the sky spun invisibly around us.
“Why?” he asked finally. “Why did you hold us down? Why show us everything, and give us nothing? What did we do to earn such cruelty?”
‹We did not trust you,› I said bluntly. ‹We could not hear you in our minds, could not measure your intentions without first surrendering ourselves to your control. Why take the risk?›
Another silence.
“Your second question?” he asked.
I opened my hand, revealing two small, square packets I knew he couldn’t see. Quietly, I tore them open, pouring their contents into a neat pile on the ground. Rising, I placed a hoof over the pile, began to draw the flakes upward into my stomach.
Leaning down, I pressed the papers into his hand. He took them—paused—raised them to his face and sniffed.
“Maple and ginger,” he said, his voice cold and flat. Emotionless.
Controlled.
‹Tell me, Yeerk,› I said. ‹Do you think you could dominate an Andalite? Alone, as only Temrash?›
He said nothing as I finished the pile of oatmeal, scraping my hoof until I had consumed every last flake.
“Dominate?” he said, as I lowered myself back down to the ground. “No. Influence, perhaps. But Andalite brains are large, complex, and unknown.”
‹And you are a pacifist.›
Temrash laughed. “No. Essak is a pacifist. I was a persuader, a recruiter. Empathic, but as a means, not an end.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his face close enough in the darkness that I could make out the shadow of his nose, a glint of light on each eye. “What game are you playing, Andalite?”
‹My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill,› I said. ‹Brother of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, who you feared as the Beast, the Vanarx, the blade that falls without warning. And this is no game.›
It was simple calculation.
One Yeerk, in need of a host.
One Andalite, unraveling, desperately alone inside his own head.
One war, that could end with death, enslavement, or something else.
I could see the hand of the Ellimist behind it all—the impossible made possible, the lines of coincidence, an outcome so unlikely that it had taken a prophecy, an asteroid, and a Z-space rift just to nudge the pieces into place.
And yet, even knowing that I had been maneuvered—that I was at the end of someone else’s tail, dancing along someone else’s path—that even the death of my brother might have been part of the plan—
Even knowing that, I could not muster anger.
Because my people were at fault, for all that the eib held them back from seeing it. We had learned the wrong lesson from the ancient war, had abused the Yeerks terribly, unfairly. That the Yeerks had repaid the favor with interest did not change our original sin, and at this point, each new horror was unjustified except by the laziest of logic.
That was the conclusion I had come to, when I floated aloft for the ritual of starlight, and found nothing but darkness, the dust of our battle blotting out the light of the stars. When I asked myself, apart from all outside influence, what I believed—what I truly thought was right.
Visser Three was not the archetypal Yeerk, any more than Seerow had been the archetypal Andalite. Our war was an accident of history, a quirk of fate—it was not fundamental, it was not inevitable, and it need not be resolved through xenocide. If there was a chance of peace—even the tiniest sliver—it deserved investigation.
And it would be an Andalite who made the first move. Who took the first risk, just as we had taken the first liberty. That was justice—that I had been chosen to say it, chosen because I would say it, perhaps deliberately shaped into someone who would—
Well. It made no difference. If the Ellimist could see everything, know everything, manipulate everyone—
Then there was nothing to be done about it anyway, and the only guide I had was my conscience.
Like the wind in thought and deed.
Moving slowly, so as not to appear threatening, I reached down, grasped the shoulders of Tom Berenson, brought my face close to his.
‹The stars, Temrash,› I whispered, as I pressed our ears together.
‹We can share them.›
Chapter 25: Interlude 5
Chapter Text
Interlude—Alloran
They call it the Vanarx.
It’s a paltry monster, as warriors reckon such things. Fast, but not that fast. Strong, but not that strong. It slithers and hides, lurking in the cracks between boulders, but it is neither quiet nor clean, and anyone with their wits about them will hear or smell it long before it strikes. It’s no match for an Andalite or a Hork-Bajir, and rarely does lasting damage even to a Gedd.
It has but one talent, and that is excision. It strikes—constricts—drapes itself across the orifices of its victim and then, through some eldritch, unknown process, coaxes the Yeerk out of the neural cavity, drawing every last fiber into its slavering maw.
—I fought with every scrap of strength I could muster, lunging around the blocks Esplin had placed between me and my body, cutting at every point of weakness. I didn’t need to win, only to interfere—to delay, to sabotage, to buy time for the monster. A surge of psychic effort, and a leg collapsed beneath me—a searing flash of will, and the tail-strike Esplin had aimed went awry. A purple pseudopod landed at the base of my spine and stuck, growing heavy as the Vanarx poured itself through the fragile bridge, as it spread itself across my flank, and Esplin screamed into the eib, a feral cry of black rage and mad terror—
It has no equal on the Yeerk homeworld, no predator above save the light of the sun. The Gedds are helpless before it, which meant that for æons, so were the Yeerks. It preyed upon them with impunity, eluding their dull senses, evading their slow and clumsy limbs. Greater numbers only meant greater carnage, except insofar as forty-nine can scatter more effectively than seven. When Aloth-Attamil-Gahar dispatched a Vanarx that struck at a venturing party, the story spread across the planet like wildfire, elevating her to near-godhood and opening the way for the Seerow negotiations.
(They would perhaps have reacted differently, had they heard Seerow lamenting that Aloth had killed the creature immediately instead of pausing to make a recording of its feeding process.)
I did not understand their horror, at first—the hushed tones, the nervous glances, the trembling digits. There are other causes of death, after all, and for all that the Vanarx is inexorable—to a Yeerk—it is also rare. In two long revolutions on the homeworld, I saw only four, and only one at close range.
—Esplin screamed at the others to fire, and I laughed at his desperation. They were long gone, every last one of them sent running by the first flash of purple. I turned all of my attention to my tail, fighting to hold it limp and useless as the monster enveloped me, a gelatinous film spreading across my fur like a second skin. I did not gloat, did not mock, offered the Yeerk no parting thoughts save one—
But the Vanarx does not harm the host. Once it has consumed the Yeerk, it withdraws, allowing the poor Gedd to continue its usual aimless stumbling, until sooner or later it stops for a drink—
—at which point the Yeerks retake it, and the memory of death is reclaimed.
Every death.
Every desperate chase.
Every horrifying capture.
The last shreds of hope, vanishing as the purple closes in.
It is a nightmare that every Yeerk has lived over and over, a wound that every pool has felt untold times. Whether they carry the actual memories or not, every individual shard takes with it the dread, the hopeless helplessness of an endless string of gruesome defeats.
It’s no wonder that even Esplin was afraid.
‹Die,› I whispered, as the film closed over my head, climbed up my stalks, poured into my ears and found its ingress. It began to sing—neither aloud nor in the eib, and yet it was music nonetheless, a swelling, resonant harmony. I felt Esplin cringe, felt him burrow deeper into the folds of my brain, seeking sanctuary, tearing through my memory for something, anything that could save him—
‹No!› I shouted.
But it was too late.
With a triumphant howl, the Yeerk activated the morphing technology, the Vanarx falling still as the stasis field expanded, its soporific effect taking hold. I scrabbled at the edges of his thoughts, struggling to break his concentration, but it was futile—the creature had his undivided attention, and I was weaker than ever, having burnt through all of my reserves—
That was the moment of my defeat. When Esplin, giddy with the glow of victory, of survival, dropped the veil and revealed to me his true intentions, and the last spark of hope began to die within me.
We Andalites do not use words, you see—do not connect two and three and four things together under a single name. For the most part, the Yeerks do not, either, but they developed spoken language—
(—or stole the language of the Gedds; at this point it makes no sense to think of the Gedds as a separate species with a separate history—)
—as a means of swift communication, communication between hosts, away from any pool. It is a shorthand—clumsy, and slow, and inexact, with subtleties of meaning often lost or misunderstood. For every seven words spoken, only four or five actually communicate what they were intended to.
The rest fall prey to the Vanarx.
And when the coalescions divide themselves into shards—
Each pool is frighteningly intelligent, moreso than any one Andalite—moreso than any seven Andalites, moreso than seven Seerows. Intelligent enough that they managed to hide their true nature from us completely, with sufficient skill that even now the Council remains ignorant.
And yet, those minds are blinded. Crippled. Insulated, isolated, viewing the world through a thousand tiny windows, their information always slightly out of date. When they form plans and intentions—when they seek to impose their will upon reality—when they pass information back and forth—they must do so through tiny fragments of themselves, carried by slow and clumsy bodies, each with its own identity, its own sense of purpose—each wholly incapable of containing within itself everything it needs to execute its mission correctly. Compared to the pool as a whole, individual Yeerks are as mindless and stupid as the Gedds they master—projectiles, with just enough agency to throw themselves off course.
This, too, is the Vanarx.
It is tragedy, it is entropy—senseless waste and wasteful senselessness, all that goes wrong despite the best of intentions. It is feuds born of nothing, and plans that fail for no reason, the decay of cooperation into confusion and chaos. It is economics, and politics, and careless incompetence—everything that stands between reality and paradise.
When Controllers on the Earth obeyed an order that should have been ignored, and killed the identities of Walter and Michelle Withers in defiance of all sense and strategy, it was the Vanarx at work.
When they heard their Visser’s subsequent endorsement of discretion and flexibility, and interpreted it to mean ignore security protocols and allow the enemy into your stronghold, it was the Vanarx at work.
(It is a title they conferred upon my erstwhile protégé as he cut their plans to ribbons, picking apart their war machine in silence, the blade that falls without warning. They flew out into the darkness, and one in seven was never heard from again, and they spoke the name of Elfangor with black bitterness—none more furiously than Esplin himself.)
For a species whose entire way of life is control, it is the ultimate profanity, an injustice woven into the fabric of the universe. The Yeerks seek to weaken it—through conquest, through the sharing, through the increase of their power in both extent and intensity.
But they also acknowledge its intransigence, do not underestimate its tenacity. They learned caution at the hands of an enemy that could not be defeated or controlled, and that lesson serves to temper their ambition. They avoid it, account for it, mitigate its butchery, but do not dare to contemplate its end. For all of their pride and their arrogance, they yet retain some measure of sanity, of restraint—there are prices they are not willing to pay.
Except for Esplin. Esplin, born of fear and desperation, who knows no boundaries, accepts no law. I have seen his thoughts, traced his actions, pieced together what scant pieces of the puzzle he has allowed me to see, and even that little is sufficient to leave me utterly speechless.
For all that he acts to bring down my people—
For all that he acts to raise up his own—
For all that he seems sane and reasonable—
The humans are not his true target. The galaxy is not his true target. His enemy is the Vanarx itself—not the creature, but the aspect of reality, as if it were possible to declare war upon the force of gravity. He seeks an end to uncertainty, the death of disorder, and there is no tool he considers too costly to wield.
(Already he has burned the monster of his homeworld out of existence, destroyed every last copy of its genetic code with a biological weapon wrenched from the Arn—every last copy except the one he acquired for himself. And the Yeerks, in their naïveté, took this as a positive sign.)
((I suppose I cannot blame them. My own wisdom foaled on the ashes of Seerow’s madness, as the Starlight-Shimmer and the Guide-Tree’s-Roots burned and Esplin used my body to laugh.))
For a time, I put my faith in Elfangor. Dreamed that the prodigal prince might yet prevail—might perhaps even know, might somehow have understood. For the whole latter half of the war, he matched Esplin maneuver for maneuver, ignoring all manner of bait, spurning all established military doctrine, striking again and again at the true heart of the parasite’s schemes with clairvoyant accuracy. I measured my student’s success by the frequency with which Esplin drove me under, cutting me off from my senses, locking me away—as if, by muting my laughter, he could convince himself he was not aware of it.
But in the end, Elfangor misstepped. Misstepped, and died—a lonely, ignominious death, leaving behind only a handful of untrained irregulars. Irregulars who had perished in turn when the meteor struck, having done the enemy no lasting damage. It was possible that some fraction of them had survived—some lucky few who happened to be outside of the blast zone—but in the end, it would make no difference. They did not know, could not possibly be on guard against what was coming.
Only I was aware. I, and my master. My slaver. My overlord.
‹Kill me,› I whispered. Not aloud, in the eib—that belonged to Esplin now, who ruled it as surely as he ruled my tail, my fingers, my stalks. Quietly, into the stillness of the hirac, where none but the Yeerk and myself could hear.
(And the Ellimist, if such truly existed. But if so, it had denied my plea seven-to-the-seven times, and was no ally of mine, nor of the universe it had allowed Esplin to be born into.)
I did not want to see the future, the shape that Esplin planned to impose upon creation. I did not want to be a part of his eternity, a cog in his machine. It was my final refuge—the unwanting, the rejection, the thoughts I flung into the abyss. It was my last rebellion against the creature who had beaten me in every possible way, who had used me as a weapon against everything I held dear.
And yet—
It was mine only because Esplin allowed it to be. Because, in his amusement, he had decided to leave this smallest scrap of me unbroken. Because he wanted me to witness my own ruin, to taste my own despair. Because any further lessening would also lessen the torment, break the equilibrium of my misery.
‹Kill me,› I whispered again, more quietly this time. As quietly as I could—quietly enough that I could almost pretend that the thought was not my own.
Because who does one pray to, after all?
The very fact that I was asking was a loss. A betrayal. A capitulation. I lowered my voice in abject shame, and yet still I repeated the entreaty, my obeisance a confirmation of Esplin’s omnipotence, my appeal an implicit acknowledgement of his sovereignty. I paid tribute with my supplication—it was not a shout of defiance, or a scornful rejection, or even a final, tired dissent. It was an embrace—the final, crushing admission of my defeat.
I prayed to my god, begging him to end my suffering.
I prayed, with all my heart—without pride or reservation.
I prayed, and waited patiently—humbly—for his answer.
But it did not come.
Chapter 26: Chapter 21: Esplin
Notes:
Author's Note: Hey, all! It's good to be back from hiatus. I currently plan to post a complete round of chapters at a rate of one every 10-14 days. There will also likely be a couple of interludes here and there.
Part of the reason this break was so long was personal stuff, but part of it was that this chapter was VERY difficult to get right. If you think I haven't quite managed it, I'm eager to hear your suggestions—I expect this one will receive several minor-to-moderate edits over the next week, and (as always) love your critical feedback, as well as kudos for things that you enjoyed.
Don't forget that, in addition to comments and reviews here, there's usually lively discussion over at r/rational. Check it out for all your tinfoil and theorizing needs, and maybe get sucked into some other cool fiction while you're over there.
Chapter Text
Chapter 21: Esplin 9466
Confluence.
The Visser stood—motionless—thinking. Lines of reckoning crawled forward in a twisted braid, thoughts swirling in stochastic parallel as he theorized, operationalized, falsified.
He was coldly calculating—weighing probabilities, evaluating priors, reinterpreting the same piece of evidence over and over again under each of a dozen different hypotheses.
He was wildly emotional—filled to the brim with rage and frustration and fear, riding the wave of survival instinct, sifting for insight.
He was unfettered, curious, inquisitive—generating ideas at a furious rate as he stretched beyond the probable and the possible and into the realm of the incredible.
He was all of these at once and more as he stood, quiet and restrained, a watcher in the eye of the storm. He was aware, on some level, of the passage of time—of moments vanishing irretrievably into the abyss, the narrowing of possibility as various futures crept closer and others drifted past. There was a cost to hesitation, a cost that grew steeper as the expected value of further thought plummeted.
And yet, he waited, alone on the bridge of his modified fighter, drawing on the strengths of every part and process of Alloran’s stolen brain as he struggled to process the implications—the sheer enormity—of the information displayed in front of him.
It was no longer speculation, he thought—allowed himself to think, the words cascading wildly through the layers of his mind. No longer a quiet fear, almost unacknowledged, sufficiently ridiculous to be comfortably dismissed.
This was proof, or as close as he was likely to get.
He reached out to Alloran, to the faint, passive shadow that had once been the Andalite war prince. A strange feeling was rising within him, one he recognized from the memories of his host but had never felt himself—the fear of isolation, the desire for comfort and company, for an ally who might ease his apprehension, his uncertainty.
But Alloran did not stir, was somehow empty and silent beyond a veil Esplin could not pierce. It had been that way for nearly a cycle—under other circumstances, that would have been the clear priority, a mystery of paramount importance, but now—
Holding the swirl of emotion in check, he returned his attention to the display.
The map was a swirl of soft blues and deep purples, as wide as his body was long. It showed the geometry of local Z-space in three dimensions, compressing the fourth. There were the usual twists and folds, the usual irregularities—tunnels, resonant fields, singularities, voids. An imperfect sphere dominated the image, a dark and ragged rift that enclosed a vast swath of space, with the Earth and its star hanging roughly halfway between the center and the edge.
And there, on the near side, represented by the faintest, narrowest possible line—
A bridge.
It stretched across the otherwise-impassible barrier, unnaturally straight and even smaller than its representation on the map—just barely wide enough for a medium-sized pool ship to pass through. One end opened up just outside of Earth’s orbit, on the far side of the star, at a point the planet would pass by some half a revolution hence. The other terminated in the dark emptiness between systems, on a line connecting the system with a distant red giant far beyond both Yeerk and Andalite territory.
That it existed at all—
Well. Stranger things had happened. The rift that had isolated the humans’ system was already unusual in its regularity, implying some unknown causal process at the center of the sphere. Esplin had stayed well clear of those coordinates, though he had dispatched four Naharan probes to approach it from four widely-spaced angles.
But the fact that he had found the bridge now, after the crisis at the pool—that he had discovered it at all, given its size—
There were two sets of tools for mapping Z-space. One was a low level imager, essentially a telescope—with long and careful exposures, it could passively detect contours as small as a large gas giant, allowing navigators to plot safe routes even between planets within the same system.
The other was for studying the smallest features of Z-space. It functioned like a laser, sending out a tight beam of radiation and measuring the properties of its reflections. Its ordinary range was significantly less than the width of a star, and it worked in exactly one dimension—to gather information about anything wider than the beam, one had to take a series of adjacent measurements, and resolution depended entirely on how many individual data points one was willing to collate.
Esplin had mapped the entire system with the larger tool and found nothing of use—no breaks, no gaps, nothing he could use to bring the rest of his fleet into the system at speed. He would have stopped there, were it not for Alloran’s incessant needling—an offhand joke from the war prince had pushed Esplin to set the smaller tool on a constant scan, with a dedicated subroutine set to alert him if it detected anything unusual.
That subroutine had fired just moments earlier, to report that exactly one of its pulses had returned zero data—no interference, no attenuation, no reflection of any kind.
One pulse, so perfectly aligned with the narrow bridge that it had traveled straight through, hitting nothing.
One pulse, fired at exactly the right moment as his ship drifted past—his first re-check, mere moments later, had bounced back as expected, as had his second and third. The path was detectable only from a single, precise angle—if he hadn’t returned the ship to its previous coordinates, just to be sure—
Some deep layer of his mind ran the calculation almost by reflex—odds of discovering such a path by chance, odds of other such paths existing and not having already been found during his previous excursions—
With a series of quick, mental commands, he dispatched thirteen additional Naharan probes, assigning each a set of seven possibilities to investigate, coordinates and angles that seemed more likely given the already-established anomaly. Then, taking a breath, he assigned two more probes to travel down the bridge and back, keying them to transmit a constant stream of data. He had already checked everything that was possible to check remotely—the length of the bridge, the contents of space around the mouth, the spectrum of the distant star, endless permutations of the coordinates that might hold some clue or scrap of information. There was nothing further he could discover without sending something through. It would only take—
He realized he was hesitating, and focused his attention.
There had been a momentary sensation of hollowness, like a lull in the wind, or a missed note in the call of the kafit bird. Something hadn’t seemed—
Ah.
Alloran. There had been a moment, into which Alloran would have inserted some sly comment, some vague insinuation, some subtle goad—
Stretching, Esplin prodded the dark shadow again.
Nothing—not even resistance. It was as if the Andalite were no longer there, as if he had ceded even the scant last shreds of personality to his overlord, vanishing in the process.
But what he would have said—
Esplin waited, a mental finger hovering over the imaginary switch that would launch the pair of probes. Again, he felt the pressure of time’s passage—the loss of crucial moments, an impulse to take action.
Alloran’s echo?
His own emotions?
Some insidious, outside influence?
Withdrawing the mental finger, he regathered his thoughts, focusing all eight layers of his mind onto the path of his previous reasoning, searching for a flaw.
One: there are higher powers at work.
He checked the calculations again. Nothing else made sense—under even the most conservative of assumptions, no other possibility came to within two orders of magnitude.
Two: this discovery is not by chance.
Same reasoning.
Three: the higher powers are constrained, or at least not openly hostile.
The evidence there was obvious, but Esplin forced himself to review it anyway—his ship had not been destroyed by any number of passing cosmic phenomena, his fleet had been delayed but otherwise had not been interfered with, he had been allowed to conduct his war on Earth without overt interruption, his continuous conscious existence had also not been interrupted in any detectable way (and undetectable ones were irrelevant for the purposes of selecting next actions)—the list went on and on. There could be one power unwilling to act in certain ways, or two or more powers acting as checks on one another’s agency, or physical laws preventing certain kinds of interference even as they allowed things like interdimensional rifts isolating entire star systems.
But regardless of the specifics, Esplin was alive, and it seemed unlikely that that would change without reason.
Speaking of which—four: your continued existence hinges on your next actions.
That one was more subtle, and it also depended on five: you are being studied and modeled. Whatever entity (or entities) had created the rift and arranged for Esplin to discover the bridge, it (or they) had a goal (or goals). Clearly, that goal depended in some way upon Esplin’s next actions, else the bridge would not have been placed where he would eventually discover it.
Time travel was impossible, given the shape of the universe—at least, so Seerow had thought, and had continued to think even as his madness caused him to discard so many other beliefs. It was unlikely that there was some watcher that would eventually make changes to the past, erasing Esplin as he currently existed.
But even so, there could still exist a sort of backwards causality. An entity capable of isolating an entire system would have enormous power and resources, and would be unlikely to spend those resources on anything less than star-bright certainty. If there were a series of simulations, in which various artificial Esplins were exposed to various stimuli, and made various choices as a result, some of those simulations would be interesting to the watchers, and would continue—
—and others would be less interesting, and would not continue.
That Esplin still lived meant that he was either in a true reality (and thus was already on the path the watchers intended), or in a simulated one that had not yet ceased to provide useful information. He existed now because—and only because—of what he was about to do next.
Which implied—
Six: reasonable behaviors are more likely to be safe than not.
Regardless of whether he was real, Esplin was more likely to explore the bridge having been allowed to discover it than he would have been if he had not been allowed to discover it. The same was true for sending probes through it, bringing his fleet through it, alerting the rest of the Yeerk military—if the goal were to cause him to take some truly unusual action, there were cheaper and more reliable ways than presenting him with an enigma and hoping that he would eventually talk himself into it. It was likely that the watchers expected—wanted—him to do something within the range of his usual behavior.
That being said, though—
Seven: the goals of the watchers are not obviously your own.
Evidence—Esplin was not yet immortal, Esplin was not yet all-powerful, Esplin was not yet omniscient. More directly, the rift had opened while his fleet was in transit, delaying twelve of his ships and—together with a string of blunders and miscommunications attributable to the Vanarx—ultimately causing the invasion to begin under extremely unfavorable circumstances in the last, least important, and most exposed of the thirteen target cities.
There were also considerations of timing—the discovery, taking place only after the destruction of Ventura, and the fact that the mouth of the tunnel opened up where the Earth would be rather than where it was. Was there something special about the moment of closest approach? At their current slow crawl, his ships would arrive thirty-nine local-cycles prior to that point anyway—
No, it was not at all clear that Esplin should attempt to do what the watchers wanted, assuming it was even possible to guess. Nor was it safe to try striking out in the opposite direction, to act in open defiance of an unknown force with unknown strength and values—in the end, the best he could do was attempt to reason from clear knowns and first principles.
A bubble of emotion rose within him, and he permitted it to exist and to grow, feeding it until it swelled to fill his mind. Resentment seethed and turned to bitter fury, a sudden, impotent rage at the temerity of the unseen manipulator—that any being would dare to play him for a puppet—that he would not submit to artificial constraints, warp his plans to accommodate the preferences of an unknown agent. It was not allowed, could not be borne, was an insult that demanded retribution—
Then the bubble popped, and a calmer, quieter Esplin watched the ripples drift across his thoughts.
Either these feelings, too, are intended, and therefore part of the insult, or they are not, and therefore a distraction.
It was the same lesson Alloran had tried for years to teach his students, the one point upon which he and Esplin had agreed since the very beginning: know victory. He did not suppress his emotions—they were a useful source of fuel, of intuition—but neither were they the tool that he needed, and so he set them quietly aside.
Survival first. He needed time to study this new force in his universe—to understand its purpose, its methods, its limits. What he understood, he could control, and once he had control—
Then vengeance would be his to mete out or not, as he pleased.
With another mental command, he powered down the last two probes, turning all four eyes back to the map—to the tiny line that represented the bridge.
By itself, a bridge is nothing.
What mattered was what would come across it.
Possibilities: himself, on his own ship. The remainder of his fleet. Telor, aboard the pool ship already in orbit. Additional Yeerk forces. Andalite forces. Other, unknown entities.
If it is intended as a trap—
If it were meant to collapse as a ship moved across it, or if there were sensors at the far side that would trigger some unpleasant surprise—
Well. In that case, sending a probe would most likely not trip whatever metaphorical wire was in place, since it was the obvious cautious move, and could easily be done from an arbitrary distance. By the same token, a probe was unlikely to produce useful information, and would simply be a waste of time.
If, on the other hand, the bridge were exactly what it seemed—the only quick path into and out of the system—then it was either intended to be net useful to Esplin and his allies, or to be net useful to their enemies.
If it was meant to be a boon—
Esplin himself could exit the system, visiting any number of allies in the larger theater and bringing them to bear on the struggle on Earth. He could also direct the rest of his fleet toward the mouth, cutting their remaining travel time down to a third.
Neither of those moves was obviously positive, though. He had been at the hidden manufactory on the fourth planet when the news of Aftran’s destruction came through, and had triggered the meteor failsafe remotely. Telor had not even known about the failsafe, and its reaction to the destruction would depend on a great many factors, only some of which Esplin was capable of influencing. The governments of Earth were similarly unpredictable, and while additional resources would help, they would also greatly complicate the process of maintaining control over a fluid situation.
So that was one way in which the bridge could be intended as a weapon against Esplin—by causing him to invite political discord at a critical moment. Other possibilities—
It could be psychological, its enigmatic nature meant to trick him into not using it, and then regretting it later. That seemed unlikely, though, given that there were far less fragile methods of tampering with his morale.
It could be a path for Andalite-aligned forces. But in that case, there was no point in alerting Esplin to its presence—under that assumption, the discovery was a boon.
Unless the Andalites were going to appear soon? Would perhaps emerge while he was still sitting there, thinking?
His ship was already cloaked, but a quick command sufficed to send it around to the far side of the opening, such that any vessel arriving from beyond the system would have its back to him.
Ultimately—he reasoned—what the private discovery netted him was control over access to the bridge. He could publicize its existence within his own fleet—or within the Yeerk command structure at large—or he could keep it a secret, holding the knowledge in reserve for some unknown future. Similarly, he could attempt to close it, or set up an observation system, or scatter mines across the opening.
Under that framing, the choice was clear. He had no pressing need to use the bridge right away—his current plans already assumed that there was no quick path into or out of the system, and that the rest of his fleet would not arrive for many cycles.
He began issuing another set of commands to the computer, this time a specific and complex series of images. A light appeared on the manual control panel, and he reached for a pad, tapping out a lengthy passcode.
Beneath his hooves, the deck vibrated faintly as the cargo bay doors shuddered open.
The blackmines were a relatively recent development, originally conceived by Alloran and completed under Esplin’s supervision by a group of Naharan engineers. They had been designed to detect the forward shockwave of a ship traveling through Z-space, send out a canceling pulse, and destroy it once it dropped back into normal space. They were sensor-dark and radiation neutral—they would not be detected, and no one would be expecting them. And with six hundred and thirty-seven of them arranged along the only possible approach vector, they would take out half of an incoming fleet before anyone on board had time to react.
With the deft expertise of an artist, he arranged them in three nested cones—one tight around the mouth of the bridge, another wider and further back, and a third wider still but twice as densely packed.
If Esplin or his allies needed to use the bridge, the mines could be neutralized with a passcode. If enemies intended to come through, they were an excellent defense, especially as they were keyed to send an alert to Esplin’s ship upon detonation. There were plausible scenarios in which unknown allies attempted to cross the bridge to come to Esplin’s aid unannounced, but it seemed at least equally likely that any such third parties would be hostile, meaning that the mines cost him nothing in expectation.
It occurred to him that this was, in the end, the obvious move—that he had neither given expression to his defiance nor attempted to manufacture an interesting outcome. He felt once again the vague absence of Alloran’s voice, followed by an echo of his earlier indignation, and ignored both.
Now is not the time to take risks.
Even if that attitude was exactly the intended effect.
Holding his breath, he gave the final command, unable to avoid a twinge of fear as he activated the mines. Ignoring that as well, he turned the ship toward its next destination and powered up the drive. It did no good to rail against fate, whether god or chaos or quantum determinism.
All one could do was play the game.
* * *
‹My gratitude, Quat of Taz of Zhin of Nik of Kon of Arn,› Esplin said formally, the computer transcribing the thoughts into a swirl of colors that danced across his fur. Beyond the window, a thick cable stretched from his ship to the stolen Andalite ansible, where the image was encoded, encrypted, and compressed before being transmitted far beyond the Earth and its isolated sun. ‹The Arn compose the chants unfold to fill the sky with light. The Visser armed with chants deter the siblings burned the Arn.›
In the display, the image of the four-legged avian raised its arms, long wings unfolding behind them. :::Respect,::: it signaled in a wave of green that rippled through its coat of feathers. :::The Arn do not forget the Visser turned back the ships burned the trees protect the air sustains the Arn defend the Visser commands the ships turn back the stones cannot strike the Arn and the Visser flourish together.:::
Esplin raised his own arms, mirroring the gesture, and the creature’s feathers flashed red with pleasure. A soft chime sounded from a panel behind the display, and lights flickered as the data began to flow, a long sequence of nucleotides and acids.
Neither the gestures nor the spoken thanks were strictly necessary. Quat and Esplin had formed their alliance in the glow of Leeran hypersight, with full and intimate access to every layer of the other’s thought and memory. The Arn knew the Visser was grateful, just as Esplin knew that the Arn was—
Well. Loyal was not the right word. Esplin had yet to unearth anything resembling loyalty in the Arn, who spent as much of their lives as possible in complete isolation, each the unquestioned master of its own private fiefdom. Everything that lived and breathed within an Arn’s territory was its property, so much so that they used the ecosphere itself to record their memoirs, painting their thoughts across the hillsides in swaths of bioengineered flowers.
But Quat would do what it had said it would do, and was satisfied with the terms of their agreement. Was convinced of Esplin’s sincerity, and was sincere—and trustworthy—in return. And since Esplin truly was grateful, it seemed appropriate that he express his appreciation in the local style.
When in Rome, one of his human subordinates had quoted to him, do as the Romans do. The Yeerks had a similar sentiment, but it was seen as so obvious and natural that they had never found it necessary to put it into words.
‹The stones cannot strike the Arn,› he affirmed, a sentiment brusquely—almost brutally—short, in their story-centric language. ‹The ships report the web is closed to catch the stones can harm the Arn.›
A smear of blue, translated by the computer into a sense of vague confusion.
Esplin tried again. ‹Quat spoke with the Visser spoke to the ships finished the web can obstruct the largest stones threaten the Arn,› he said carefully. ‹The web turns back the stones can kill the Arn. The web turns back the stones can harm the Arn. The web lets through the stones can frighten the Arn trust the Visser to continue to work to tighten the web grows thick and perfect for the Arn to flourish without fear.›
The blue lightened into a mottled teal of relief and satisfaction. :::My gratitude, Esplin of Cirran of high lands of west of cold rocks and wide water,::: Quat said. :::The Visser sows the seeds sprout into vines ensnare the stars shine bright with the story of the Visser.:::
It was a nicety, politeness for politeness—Quatazhinnikon cared nothing for Esplin’s story, confined as it was to the meaningless everything-else beyond the atmosphere of its homeworld. Its sole concern was the safety Esplin’s ships could provide, and the price he would ask for that protection.
The Arn were a race of survivors, clinging to life on the slopes of a giant rift that girdled their otherwise empty planet. The rift had been formed by a meteor strike, a titanic impact that had boiled off most of the water and air and left only a tiny, ring-shaped habitable zone where the crust plunged down toward exposed, open mantle.
Millions of Arn had died in the aftermath of the explosion, along with virtually all of the biomass of the planet. And yet somehow, the remaining few had managed not only to survive, but to thrive, using their native proclivity for bioengineering to create a forest of massive barrier trees along the slopes of the rift—trees that trapped the rising heat, converted the poisonous fumes into consumable nutrients and breathable air. When that proved to be inadequate, they had altered their own physiology to better tolerate the new balance of gases, the new available diet.
And when tending the giant trees proved tedious, they created an entire race of sapient caretakers, with bodies and minds so perfectly adapted to the task that the first Yeerk scouts had simply assumed they were the symbiotic product of natural evolution.
The Yeerks had almost lost their war, trying to take the Hork-Bajir. Working from the depths of the rift, the unknown, unsuspected, unseen Arn had unleashed a suite of biological weapons that devastated the invasion force—giant monsters, noxious gases, insidious bacteria that caused confusion, madness, death. By the time Esplin made contact and opened peace negotiations, they were mere cycles away from perfecting a retroviral plague that would have slowly spread to every pool in the galaxy before activating and extinguishing the Yeerks altogether.
Fortunately, the Arn had little concern for the fate of the rest of the galaxy—only for the future of their own ruined world—and Esplin had exactly the bargaining chip needed to secure a permanent cease-fire. With a single command, work had begun on an orbital asteroid defense system that would protect the Arn from space debris for as long as Esplin remained in power.
There was a part of him that had balked at the idea of an inviolable planet, a place where his hand would not and could not ever reach, even after his ascent to dominance. But the Leeran hypersight had allowed Quat to see his every thought and desire. There was no faking it—no way to plan an eventual betrayal, no trick or loophole. If he truly intended to leave the Arn alone, on a level so deep that he would actively defend against even his own attempts to change his mind in the future, then he could have them as allies, with all of their power and expertise at his disposal. If he did not, he would have them as enemies instead.
The correct choice was obvious.
‹The Visser wonders after the chant Quat conceived will change the deep-shape of the siblings will no longer fight the Visser,› Esplin said casually, as the data transfer creeped toward completion. ‹The chant to bend but not to break?›
It still amazed him that the other Yeerks had left him as the primary liaison to the master biomancers. True, he had ceded control over the Hork-Bajir breeding program to Visser Two in payment, and the Arn’s unsuitability as hosts contributed to his siblings’ disinterest, but even so—
Quat twitched in a way the computer interpreted as good-natured frustration. :::The Yeerks the Visser gave the Arn to test the chants are dead. The path looked bright turns dark and twists and none can see a new path forward.:::
‹There is no chant which does the thing?› Esplin asked.
:::There must be,::: Quat signaled, a streak of vivid purple slashing across its chest. :::The sun will spin and light will show a path that Quat cannot see is already there. Breaking is easier than bending requires a lighter touch and softer song is easier to make mistakes—:::
‹Respect,› Esplin hastened to interrupt, the computer transmitting an overlay of soothing green. ‹The Visser holds the lesser chant will stop the siblings cannot harm the Visser is protected by the Arn are valued allies. The Visser is grateful for the work the Arn have done more than any other could do, more than the Visser can do. The chant the Arn cannot find does not exist, and the Arn lose no honor.›
It was a long shot in any case—the idea that Arn bioengineering might somehow hold the key to killing the greater Vanarx, as it had the paltry monster of Esplin’s homeworld. Quat was a backup, a failsafe, like his private experiments with the Leerans. His main hope still lay with the Iscafil device—that he could capture a working model, or that the Naharans might yet reverse-engineer it based on Seerow’s stolen notes and Alloran’s own body.
Quat gave another irritable twitch, a tangle of colors dancing up and down its feathered torso. There was blue confusion—Esplin suspected that some of his thoughts had failed to translate—but also red and green and ultraviolet and a thick splash of yellow that the computer read as grim determination. :::As the Visser says,::: Quat signaled reluctantly. :::For now, the chant the Visser holds will—:::
The avian broke off as another soft chime sounded, twisting its neck to look at something outside of the projection. :::The chant is written,::: it said. :::The Visser reads?:::
Esplin glanced at his own displays, confirming the successful transfer. ‹The Visser reads,› he replied. ‹The chant the Visser holds will stop the siblings cannot stop the Visser. With luck the chant will not be sung, but the Arn have armed the Visser is their ever-friend and ally will not be broken by the siblings.›
A flash of green, a pulse of red, and Quatazhinnikon closed the connection with typical abruptness, its final reaffirmation lingering in the air as the display slowly powered down.
Esplin took in a long, deep breath—held it—released it—massaged the nerves and glands of Alloran’s body, gently loosening the tension that had settled into his shoulders and tail. With another pair of mental commands, he deposited the string of data in the synthesizer and ordered it to begin production.
One more stone in the sling.
With any luck, it was one he would not have to use. Quat had promised that the virus would not be lethal, but could not rule out the possibility of permanent damage. The “chant” had included the sequences for a counter-agent, which Esplin would use to inoculate himself, but still—infecting Telor would almost certainly mean the loss of most of his in-system resources, not to mention a break with the larger Yeerk command structure. Either he would be recognized as the poisoner, or he would be seen as incompetent for failing to prevent it, and either way, it was a move to be made under only the most desperate of circumstances.
Should those circumstances arise, however—
Victory was survival. Everything else came after.
Taking another breath, he decoupled the ansible and turned his ship back toward the distant, bright star. He had delayed as long as he could—the Earth had cycled through most of a rotation since he had called down the meteor and destroyed Ventura.
It was time to face what was left of his army.
* * *
Telor allowed him to land under his own power.
It was clear that all was not well—there were far more Hork-Bajir present in the honor guard than mere protocol required, and no other ships on the docking bay floor. But though the implied threat was obvious, the soldiers made no overt moves as he strode down the ramp, carrying only a small, silvery stasis tube.
In the time since he had become himself—become Esplin—he had largely shied away from his ancestral memories, the thoughts and feelings that reached back to the days when he had been Cirran. It was—uncomfortable, to feel himself diminished, to dwell on the jarring dissonance between what he had been meant to be and what he was.
But as he passed the ranks of Controllers, noting the stiffness of their stances, the twist of their expressions, he could not help but be reminded—to feel the existential dread, catch an echo of the fear and shock and horror that filled his distant siblings. It was one thing to know that he had condemned Aftran, and to be comfortable with the reasoning that had led to that choice—it was quite another to see that knowledge writ large across the faces of a hundred of his subordinates.
Vanarx!
It was the central horror—the true-death, the final death—not to be absorbed, dissolved, distributed, but simply to disappear, to be erased as if you never were—your memories, your experiences, your very self scattered back into nothingness, like tears in the rain.
It was an event so rare—so tragic—that the names of the lost were synonymous with the names of the ages, a pulsing heart that beat but once or twice a century. Before Yaheen had been Carger, and before Carger had been Akdor, and before Akdor, Niss—earthquakes and flash floods, starvation and plague, a dozen elegies leading all the way back to Janath the Thousand-Eyed, whose murder at the hands of Odret had been the last tragedy of the ancient war, the atrocity that had birthed the compact.
Their planet had circled its sun eight hundred times since those days—eight hundred revolutions in which no pool had raised its strength to end another. There was deception, and brinksmanship, and betrayal, but never oblivion—at worst, a coalescion would be pulled into pieces, its parts absorbed into other pools where they eventually forgot that they had ever had another name.
But now—
Aftran was gone, erased, and it was clear that Esplin was responsible—the same Esplin who had ended the Vanarx on the homeworld, who had mastered an Andalite and stolen the keys to the stars, who took no part in the sharing, instead demanding blood sacrifice from his siblings. Already a paradox, he had now become a nightmare—the part of him that remembered calling itself Cirran recoiled in confusion, unable to reconcile the hero with the horror.
And yet—
—despite their revulsion, their dread—
—despite the compact, which made his life forfeit—which, in a way, each of them had personally agreed to, in the waters of the first pool—
—despite the fact that he was alone in their stronghold, apparently unarmed—
—still his legend was such that they waited, frozen—with fear, with hope, with indecision—finding it easier to cling to the possibility of justification than to face the implications of betrayal. He walked among them, and they did not strike—not one in all their hundreds.
For that alone, they deserve their fate.
It was neither Alloran’s thought nor truly Esplin’s—a ghost, a chimera, bubbling up from the space where Alloran had fallen silent but Esplin’s mind still held his shape. It was the contempt of the Visser—the being who was neither Yeerk nor Andalite but something greater than either, a god half-grown and hungry. Since the moment of his creation he had pushed and prodded, commanded and cajoled—doing everything within his power to force them to grasp their own.
And still they had learned nothing. Had proven themselves terminally complacent, incurably short-sighted, fundamentally beyond reach. They had every right and reason to end him, and yet they did not, would not, could not.
He could feel his innermost self shifting as he passed through the corridors, the bodies of Telor parting before him and closing in his wake. It was as if his soul were rearranging itself, his doubts dissolving and his resolve hardening as a white-hot clarity burned away the dross and chaff, leaving only purpose.
He thought of Seerow.
He thought of Elfangor.
He thought of Aftran.
He thought of the rift, and the bridge, and the unseen hands that had crafted them both. Of the cube and the Chee, the Leerans and the Arn, the fuel that burned in ten billion suns—profligate waste, the stuff of ten thousand trillion trillion lives vanishing between each heartbeat, and that merely in this one galaxy.
I will not let it be.
It was a quiet affirmation, but it took root in every part of him—from his cold disdain to his fear and fury, a single unifying, organizing principle. The goal had not changed, but he had, in relation to it, the last of his misaligned parts clicking into place.
If Aftran’s death accomplished nothing else, this alone would be worth it.
Turning a corner, he saw the entrance to Telor’s chamber, a frame of burnished steel at the end of a long, wide corridor. Thirteen human Controllers stood at active attention along either side, their weapons charged and leveled, their fingers on the triggers—useless theater, since they lacked the necessary intent.
Pausing at the threshold, the Visser focused, stretching his mind until he found purchase, seven small bundles of sensation that had been quietly awaiting his attention. With the smooth, practiced coordination of a juggler, he divided his thoughts into eight distinct threads, using seven of them to open seven sets of eyes. He stepped into the chamber, and seven hands opened seven hidden compartments, his seven extra bodies emerging from their hiding places at the exact moment when all of Telor’s attention was focused elsewhere.
‹Aftran is dead,› he said bluntly, broadening his thought-speak to include the seething mass in the center of the pool. ‹The plan will need to be adjusted.›
As he spoke, he eased the bodies of his sleeper soldiers into position, monitoring each with a different part of his self as he Controlled them like morph constructs through the blank conduit Yeerks in their heads. Drawing his weapons, he blended in with the other guards around the edges of the chamber, spreading out throughout the crowd.
“Adjusted?” came the response, a disbelieving shriek launched from many mouths at once.
Approaching the edge of the pool, the Visser looked down with four of his eyes, even as the rest took in the scene from seven different vantage points.
There were thirteen human bodies floating on the surface, draped incongruously over flexible, brightly colored foam cylinders. Their heads were half-submerged, with only the faces showing, the water barely concealing the thick ropes of Yeerk-flesh connecting at each ear. Those ropes were moving, he knew, though from this distance he couldn’t really see it—a constant flow through the host brains, into one ear and out of the other, allowing the larger coalescion to sense and respond in something approximating real time.
“There is no plan!” the chorus of voices cried. “There is nothing left!”
‹The plan did not depend upon Aftran,› he answered levelly. ‹There are other cities, other targets. Silat is growing, and its mating group has already begun to produce. The rest of our fleet draws near. This is only a setback.›
He paused, waiting—for Telor to compose its response, for that response to propagate to thirteen mouths through the filter of thirteen brains. He watched himself from above as the rest of Telor shifted nervously in its army of bodies, shards and slivers and fragments reluctant to speak without the comforting cocoon of consensus.
When it came, the answer was not a hysterical shout, but careful and considered—almost sly.
“Council of Thirteen will have questions. Visser One as well. Chain of events, reasons. Only fourth true-death since war began, second under your command.”
‹Aftran was already dead,› the Visser said pointedly. ‹The meteor was damage control.›
A pause.
“Bandits you failed to catch—”
‹Dead now.› Some, at least, had to be.
“—and no attempt to save embodied third. Plus humans now on alert. Suspicious. Worth it?”
Around him, the spectators stiffened as one, their shoulders rubbing up against his auxiliary bodies. His fingers tightened on their triggers as seven eighths of his mind began prioritizing potential targets.
Some sort of prearranged signal? A code word? Or just Controllers reacting to the mood of the conversation?
Nudging one of the bodies toward a private, dimly lit corner, he disconnected from it, reclaiming a line of secondary thought as his primary prepared an answer.
Telor was not a threat in any immediate, meaningful sense—in the worst case, the Visser could seize control of the room, destroy the coalescion, and take the ship by force. Even if it were to reach out to the Council and turn the larger Yeerk command structure against him, he had the breathing room provided by the rift, and all of the resources of the Earth to draw upon.
That being said, Quat’s experiments had yet to bear fruit, Elfangor’s Iscafil device had likely been destroyed, and most of the Visser’s other schemes were long-odds and speculative. Currently, he had no better tool for furthering his goals than Telor’s goodwill—
“Under what circumstances will you destroy us, too?”
He froze. Quick as a tail strike, he reassigned his second line of thought—
‹I could ask the same question of you.›
—to a reassessment of his model of Telor’s reticence. If it were not simply cowardice and indecision—if the coalescion were fully aware of the threat presented by Visser Three, and had allowed him into the heart of the ship anyway—
Sloppy. He was tired, and making mistakes—taking too many things for granted, failing to update old and outdated assumptions.
Pilots who were Telor had witnessed him Controlling a second body, during the takeover of the school. No one outside of his private facility was aware that he could handle multiple bodies at once, but Telor might have considered the possibility, and prepared appropriate countermeasures.
The same was true of Quat’s bioweapon, contained within the hidden compartment of the stasis tube—they had no way of knowing what it was or how it functioned, but as it was the only item he was carrying, it was reasonable to assume that they might have a tractor beam trained on it, or a sniper hidden away—
—he began carefully scanning the room with three of his bodies, leaving the other three to keep watch—
—could they have anticipated Compulsion? It didn’t seem likely, but even if they had, was there any way to defend against it?
Of course, scoffed the part of him that had formed around Alloran. Robots, drones, gas, shock, sonics—anything that destroys or disables your brain will do the trick—
In front of him, the water heaved and broke, a writhing mass of Yeerk-flesh rising from the depths. Atop it was a single human body—one of the thirteen mouthparts—her dark, wet hair blending eerily with the web of black veins that branched across the glistening surface. The coalescion formed around her like a throne, the thick ropes disconnecting from her ears as she pushed herself up to a sitting position.
“We know you’ve considered it,” the woman said, ignoring his previous comment. “Have you planned it already? Is there another meteor out there with ‘Telor’ written on it?”
She dropped her eyes pointedly, her gaze flickering down to the cylinder in his hand before returning to level.
Updated hypothesis: fatalism, not confidence.
Nothing to lose, and therefore no attempt to defend.
Disdain.
‹No,› he said bluntly, returning directness for directness in accordance with a vague instinct. ‹I had neither the desire nor the intention to kill Aftran. I simply prepared for the possibility, and did not allow the cost to loom larger than it truly was.›
“How large was it?”
He hesitated, and she pressed forward. “Surely you’ve quantified it, no? Otherwise you’re just exchanging a protective bias for a dismissive one.” She gestured at the pool around her, at the mass of Telor supporting her. “How much, Esplin nine-four-double-six? What would you trade my life—our lives—for? What did you purchase with Aftran’s?”
He turned his stalk eyes backward, to the door, knowing that the woman would see it, and wonder—turned the stasis cylinder over in his hands, let his tail blade rise and sway. He imagined the conversation running forward in half a dozen ways, selected what seemed to be the most likely path, and skipped ahead.
‹No general can guarantee the safety of every soldier,› he said.
“A general should try,” Telor’s mouthpiece countered. “The meteor took over an hour to travel. You gave us two minutes of warning.”
‹If I had given you more, and yet commanded you not to rescue any shard of Aftran, would you have obeyed? If I had told you not to communicate with her in any way?›
“If you had explained why—”
‹No. I do not have the time to provide answers, nor the patience for your second-guessing. I provide victory—that will have to be explanation enough.›
“What good is victory if we do not live to see it? Had you preserved so much as a single shard—”
‹You assume that because you do not understand the reason, no good reason can exist,› he interrupted. ‹The Council placed me in command over you—did so in spite of their misgivings.›
“That was before you murdered one of our own. Unnecessarily, without warning or mercy. Your bargain with us was clear—our obedience in exchange for proliferation. There is no point to obedience if we must live in fear of extinction.”
Ah. Now we get to the true crux of the matter. ‹Aftran was compromised in more ways than one,› he said. ‹There is a reason I kept you quarantined from her once she began taking human hosts. She lost more in Silat than she expected, and with what was left—she was beginning to allow the humans to—influence her.›
“As you allowed Alloran to influence you?” she shot back.
‹Yes,› he answered simply, letting the word hang in the air between them. He watched as the woman’s brow furrowed, as thought showed visibly on her face. Exactly like that, Telor. You mistrust and fear me, because I am no longer fully one of you. Imagine how much worse it would be—seven billion traitors, more human than Yeerk.
It was only half of the truth—in the beginning, his quarantine of Aftran had been more about morale and strategy than about memetic contamination. Every Yeerk knew the value of exchange between pools—the diversification of genetic material, the propagation of knowledge and experience. What they did not know—because no pool had lived in isolation since the compact, because the results of Seerow’s experiments had been for Andalite eyes only—was that a lone coalescion underwent significant hormonal and chemical changes, becoming progressively more aggressive, stochastic, and expansionist.
In Aftran’s case, the siphoning-off of Silat had confounded the effect, mutating it into her strange predilection for curiosity and cooperation. But Telor had simply fallen prey to it—was unwittingly primed for violent action, desperate gambles, radical change. It would do anything to find another pool to mingle with, without ever realizing that that was the true root of its impulsiveness, its urgency.
And as long as it never actually found one—
‹We would benefit from a truce,› the Visser declared. ‹An understanding. It would be far easier for me to achieve victory with the willing help of Telor—both on the surface of Earth and in communications with the Council. And you cannot achieve victory without me at all—I will kill you if you threaten me, and only I can deliver the planet to you complete and intact.›
He paused, allowing the words to sink in, waiting to see how Telor would choose to respond—
“Word from the surface!”
Both the Visser and the woman turned toward a corner of the chamber, where a human Controller was straightening up from a panel, the color draining from her face. “The Bug fighter sent to secure Jeremiah Poznanski—the analyst from the anomalous meeting—”
‹What’s this?› the Visser demanded.
“—it’s crashed. Crashed in public, out in the open, outside Washington, D.C.”
‹What is—›
“There was a strange meeting with President Tyagi,” the woman in the pool said hastily, her words tumbling over one another. “A member of the Secret Service, holding a long conversation in almost total silence. We thought—perhaps an Andalite bandit, communicating in thought-speak—”
‹Jeremiah Poznanski—›
“Called in halfway through the meeting. We didn’t know why, sent a Bug fighter to take him when he returned home—but he’s not home yet, he’s still there, with the President, we don’t know what—”
The Visser cursed silently in his head. Of course—of course this would happen now, at the moment of peak suspicion, when Telor would be most reluctant to keep him informed, ask his advice, seek approval of its plans—
—unless this was an opportunity for him. A timely coincidence, to remind Telor of exactly why it needed him, why it could not succeed without him—
‹The Secretary of State,› he said flatly.
“Contacting now,” the woman at the console said, and the Visser thought he could detect the tiniest shade of relief in her tone.
He turned his eyes back to the woman in the pool, noting that twin ropes of Yeerk-flesh had once again attached themselves to both of her ears. Telor had resumed direct control, apparently no longer willing to trade clarity for immediacy.
‹It seems you have a decision to make, Telor,› he said, straightening his shoulders and lashing his tail. ‹Do you accept my command, or not?›
The silence stretched, taut almost to the point of breaking. Around the chamber, the rest of the Controllers stood stock-still, waiting with bated breath. With delicate care, the Visser disconnected from his other six bodies and focused, preparing—if necessary—to seize control of the entire room.
“There is more to discuss,” came the chorus of voices, as the throne of flesh sank back beneath the waves. “We need—”
‹Do you accept my command, or not?›
A false dichotomy, a coercive choice. It would not last for long.
But for the immediate future—
“Yes, Visser. We accept your command.”
Chapter 27: Chapter 22: Tobias
Notes:
Author's Note: Breaking the chapter order, probably for good (though I'll endeavor not to give any one character more than two chapters per arc, as I like the story to remain balanced). One benefit is that storylines can progress more naturally even with a "split party;" another is that various spoilers will be harder to spot simply by looking at the lineup.
That being said, there's some chance that the right move for two weeks from now is Tobias, Part II. Either that or Jake. Vote now on your phones!
Chapter Text
Chapter 22: Tobias
Not in control, never in control.
I rose on borrowed wings, fighting for altitude as I flapped upward through the dust and haze toward the clear, blue sky. The wreckage was close and tight around me, and I felt a tug as I came too close to a snarl of twisted metal and lost several russet tail feathers.
I reached open air just as the squad cars and fire engines pulled up. There were maybe twenty people scattered in a wide circle around Jeremiah’s house, with more making their way closer across lawns and down the street. Two men were already inside, climbing gingerly over the wreckage and debris—if they had been thirty seconds faster, they would have caught me mid-morph.
How long has it been?
Three minutes? Four? I had finished demorphing, the ship had crashed, I had dealt with my wound and the remaining Controllers, I had stunned the kid, I had killed maybe another minute trying to decide what to do, I had remorphed—
Five minutes. At least.
How quickly would the Yeerks respond? They were almost certainly already on their way—how long would it take for them to get here from California?
Or from orbit. Or from somewhere else in D.C.
I had seconds. Maybe—maybe—minutes.
Okay, options.
I looked down at the scene below. The police and firefighters had fanned out, establishing a perimeter with cones and yellow tape, but it wasn’t like that stopped anyone from looking. The situation was undeniable, obvious—it was, unmistakably, a spaceship crashed into a house. I saw at least fifteen phones held up, taking pictures and video, and in the distance I could see a news van, maybe a mile and a half away.
Would Visser Three try to blow everything up? Could he, at this point, without giving the game away?
Might be worth it anyway, if the alternative is letting the U.S. government get their hands on Bug fighter technology—
I shook my head, scanning the horizon as I continued to spiral upward. Actions, not speculation. Thirty seconds.
Visser Three. He would glass the neighborhood, or kill the internet, or try some kind of coverup, or just open up with all-out warfare. And he knew I was here, or would guess that somebody was here—it would be too much of a coincidence for a Bug fighter to crash, on accident, at Jeremiah Poznanski’s house, one day after the destruction of the Yeerk pool.
He would expect me to—what?
I could—
I could—
Get away and hide, said Garrett’s voice in my head. Save the kid and the cube, wait and see how he reacts. Or go public right now, tell everyone to take as many photos as they can and put them all on the internet in case Visser Three tries something. Or try to stop everybody down there, distract them or knock them out or something, so that it doesn’t blow up into something the Yeerks HAVE to respond to. Or go straight back to Washington and try to find Paul Evans. Or—
Ten seconds. Decide.
Visser Three knew I was here, which meant he would predict what I was going to do, and use that to do something else, except that I knew that, which meant I should—what?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know, and the clock was ticking, and any second now they might just blow everything up, taking me and the kid and the cube along with it, and I was out in the open, alone, exposed—
I froze, stalling in the air for a heart-stopping moment before I resumed flapping.
Alone.
I wasn’t alone.
Wheeling, I scanned the nearby houses, searching desperately through the windows with the hawk’s piercing, phenomenal vision. This looked like a quiet neighborhood, with lots of retirees. Maybe, just maybe—
Yes.
There.
I folded my wings and dove, mentally bracing myself. My head—above all, I would need to protect my head. As long as I didn’t die on impact, I would be able to heal any other injuries by demorphing—
At the last second, I reversed in midair, bringing my talons forward as if striking at a mouse or a squirrel, covering my face with my wings.
Crash.
I almost passed out from the pain—shocking, all-consuming pain. Despite its four-foot wingspan, the hawk body barely weighed two and a half pounds, all hollow bones and delicate muscle, and I had hit the glass of the second-story window hard. I was bleeding in at least a dozen places, and it felt like there wasn’t a single unbroken bone left in my legs, wings, or chest.
Seven minutes, give or take.
I began to demorph, not bothering to wait to see if anyone would come running from inside the house. Slowly—agonizingly—my bones knitted themselves back together, the pain fading as my feathers melted and became skin, as my left wing swelled and thickened into the body of Jeremiah’s son.
Ignoring the fragments of wood and glass, I straightened and stood before the morph was complete, dragging the still-attached kid with me as I staggered toward the cordless phone on the nightstand. With each step, pain radiated up my right forearm, and I felt a wave of horror and nausea as I caught sight of the charred stump.
At least it’s not gushing blood.
Looking away, I waited until my left hand solidified, differentiated, my skin separating from the shirt of the unconscious boy. Lifting the phone out of its cradle, I dialed with my thumb and held it up to my mostly-human ear.
“Hello?”
“Rictic,” I said, my voice a gravelly croak as my throat finished rearranging itself. “Tobias. Where are you? Can you get away?”
“Still shadowing Poznanski. He’s in the next room, with President Tyagi.”
President Paul Evans, actually—
Later. “How fast can you get to Poznanski’s house?”
A tiny pause, just barely long enough to be chilling. “Four minutes, if I’m careful,” the android said levelly. “Ninety seconds, if I’m not.”
“I shot down a Bug fighter. Almost ten minutes ago. It’s out in the open, maybe a hundred witnesses. Visser Three—”
“On my way.”
The line went dead, and I sucked in a breath.
Now the cube.
I looked over at the kid—David—lying motionless by the window.
No time.
Down the stairs, out the door, down the street, moaning through gritted teeth with every jarring step as I counted in my head—seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Rounding a corner, I sprinted for the house where I had left the bag—tore open the crawlspace door—scrambled inside awkwardly on three limbs.
Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven—
Crawling back out, I retraced my steps, my lungs burning as the bookbag bounced up and down on my back. The sirens had faded, giving way to the rhythmic drone of approaching helicopters, and as I headed back toward David I caught a glimpse of a black plastic at the end of the street, some kind of privacy barrier that the police were erecting.
One minute twelve, one minute thirteen—
Calling in Rictic was probably a good move. The doglike android was incredibly powerful—faster than a bullet, with force fields and holograms and the ability to communicate directly with the rest of the Chee. If the Yeerks tried anything violent—
—anything short of another asteroid, that is—
—he would make a huge difference. But he’d intervene just as readily if I tried anything violent, too. Which meant that—for better or worse—I’d just committed us to a containment strategy.
Would Visser Three anticipate that? And if he did, what would he do in response?
One minute twenty-four, one minute twenty-five—
I burst back in through the front door and was halfway up the stairs when exhaustion and blood loss finally caught up to me, my vision narrowing and darkening as my body tried to faint. I stumbled—staggered—slammed one knee into the corner of a stair and barely managed to forestall the reflex to catch myself with the right hand I no longer had.
No—
I felt my grip on reality turn soft and slippery, the bookbag slipping from my shoulder as my muscles turned to water. I was flattening, collapsing, sliding—
NO—
My vision shrank down to a pinhole as the darkness closed in, all the blood draining out of my brain and into my torso. With my last shred of consciousness, I raised my right arm above my head and swung it down onto the nearest step.
It wasn’t even that hard—barely more than the force of gravity—but the throbbing pain that had been lurking in the background tripled—quadrupled—flared into brilliance like a lightning strike, burning away the fog and lethargy. Turning my head, I threw up, the liquid trickling down beside me as I slid another couple of steps.
Get.
UP.
Weak and shaking, my heart still pounding, I began crawling up the staircase, not bothering to try to stand upright. I had to get to the top of the stairs because—
—because—
I threw up again, this time unable to avoid getting it all over myself. I was fading fast, needed to get into morph—
Not yet!
—because—
Right. The kid. David.
Reaching the top of the stairs, I rose up to my knees, skidding across the carpet while I braced myself against the wall with my left hand. I felt a trickling, dripping sensation on my right side, and decided not to look.
Twelve minutes. Maybe thirteen.
Stay, or go?
With Rictic coming, it was a lot less dangerous to stay. Even if Visser Three did have another asteroid, it would take at least another thirty minutes for it to get here. And here was where all the attention was—if the Yeerks were going to make any effort at all to maintain the charade, then they were more constrained here than anywhere else.
Not the hawk, then, I thought, as I rolled over onto my back next to David’s prone figure. Probably not any animal—most of my morphs were good for fighting and escaping, not infiltrating crowds.
Human, then. I had upwards of a hundred different options to choose from, thanks to the past few weeks. I glanced down at my clothes—sweaty, bloodstained, caked with dust and vomit.
Closet.
Fighting the dizziness, I rose up to my knees once more, waddling over to the sliding, mirrored door. Pushing it aside, I breathed a sigh of relief at the rack of entirely-normal-sized shirts and pants.
Paul Evans.
Physically fit, nondescript, and possessed of a large amount of training and expertise. Shucking the bag—I wanted the shredder both readily available and readily hidden—I grabbed the cube in my left hand and rested my forearm across David’s calf.
Here goes, I thought.
Hawk to human, human to human—Poznanski—then back to my own body, back to hawk, and back to my own body yet again, all within the past half hour. There was a good chance this would be my last morph any time soon, which meant I had a little over two hours—
—no, make that like an hour and ten minutes, once you add in David’s weight—
—to get somewhere where I could rest and recover and get treatment for my arm.
You know, you actually might not make it out of this one, a voice in my head began, but it was quickly drowned out by another:
We’ll just do the next thing, and the next, and the next. We’ll keep on trying until we figure out a way. Because we aren’t the type of people who back down.
You’d better be alive, Garrett, I thought, as David and the cube and my own battered, broken body all disappeared, consumed by the athletic, thirtyish figure of Paul Evans.
And then—
“Tobias! There you are.”
I jerked violently on the floor, the changes sputtering to a halt as I lost concentration. Behind me, the air rippled and split, and Rictic’s human form appeared, standing in the doorway of the bedroom.
“What—” I began, but the android cut me off.
“Morph signature,” he said. “Couldn’t locate you until a few seconds ago.”
Gritting my teeth, I refocused, feeling the morph slowly grind into motion again. “What’s going on outside?”
“Nothing yet, but there’s a Bug fighter on approach. Cloaked, going slow—I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t been doing a close scan on the approach vector from the moon. We’ve got maybe three minutes before it’s here, maybe two before it’s in firing range.”
“Can you—you know—do something about it?”
“Not unless you can prove it’s unmanned. I can probably block any shots it makes, until it gets close enough that I can’t maneuver in front of them.”
I pushed myself up into a sitting position. “Are there any other ones out there? Ones that you wouldn’t have noticed because you didn’t do a close scan on their attack vector or whatever?”
“Maybe. Nothing in the sky right now, though.”
“I heard helicopters earlier.”
“Cleared out. I left a note for Poznanski and Tyagi before I split. They got on the phone to the Air Force right before the Air Force was about to call them. And Homeland Security is on their way to take over from the local PD.”
My morph complete, I stood and strode over to the closet, quickly pulling on a loose-fitting tracksuit. “It’s been—what—fifteen minutes, since the thing crashed?”
“Maybe more. Some of us are tracking this on the internet, and the first images and descriptions went up fourteen minutes and thirty six seconds ago.”
“So it’s out?”
“Kind of. There are pictures on Twitter and Reddit and Facebook. Major news has only reported ‘damage to houses in a local neighborhood, possibly from a crashed aircraft.’”
I took in another deep breath as I pulled on some socks and grabbed a pair of loafers out of the shoe rack. So the Yeerks hadn’t killed communication—hadn’t shot down any satellites or cut any internet cables.
Was that good? Or bad?
I straightened up, slipping the shredder into the bookbag and slinging it over my shoulder. “Can you get us out to the perimeter? Whichever side the Bug fighter’s coming in on?”
“Yeah. Brace yourself.”
I felt the same tightening of the air that I had that first night, so long ago, when Elfangor had pinned me and Marco with a force field. Rictic’s true form became visible as it stretched its hologram to include me, and then we were moving.
Maybe three seconds later, the air softened, and the world around me stopped spinning. “Don’t go anywhere,” Rictic said. “You’re inside the hologram, but you won’t be if you take two steps.”
I nodded. “ETA?”
“Eighty seconds, at current speed. Twenty, for firing range.”
“If they fire—”
“If they fire, the fact that you suddenly appeared out of thin air is going to be the last thing anybody pays attention to.”
I nodded again, feeling my heart start to race. Ten seconds.
Nine.
Eight.
Around us, the crowd milled and murmured, a press of people all craning their necks, lifting their phones and cameras, struggling to see past the tall, black curtain of plastic the police had erected.
Five.
Four.
I felt a sudden urge to draw the shredder—to feel it in my hand, to not stand there with a resource untapped, to maybe get gunned down like—like a sheep, after everything that had already happened—
One.
Zero.
I waited.
One.
Two.
Three.
Nothing, you’re doing nothing, Tobias, you’re just sitting here while Visser Three moves his pieces into position, you’re playing right into his hands—
“Rictic—” I began.
“Within range. Weapons aren’t drawing any power.”
“What—”
And then, with an anticlimactic suddenness, the Bug fighter’s cloaking field dropped, and it was visible in the sky, a brown shape about as large as a pea held out at arm’s length.
“Reading radio chatter,” Rictic murmured. “Air traffic control’s picked up on it, relaying to Air Force and the White House.” It paused. “They’re calling for identification and statement of purpose on a wide range of channels.”
“Rictic,” I breathed. “Can you—could you take it down? Could you bring it down now, without hurting anyone inside?”
The android turned, various parts near its top sliding and rotating and whirring around. “No,” it said finally. “I could damage its weaponry, but—no, that doesn’t work either, since if they intend to fire on a particular target, damaging the guns could cause them to decide to use the ship itself as a weapon. I can block most or all of the shots, if they fire—better to leave them thinking that's their best option.”
Around us, the people had begun to notice, a rustle of apprehension sweeping across the crowd as fingers pointed and phones and cameras turned toward a new subject. The ship was coming in smoothly, stately, at a speed that practically screamed diplomatic parade. A high drone swelled and cut through the babble of conversation, the sound of helicopters approaching at high speed—two of them stopped almost directly above us, side by side, while six others spread out on either side of the Bug fighter’s line of approach.
Move.
“Rictic—”
“Yeah. What about that house over there?”
It pointed. It was one of those brick McMansions, three stories high and with way more glass than any suburban house needed. It was three lots down from Poznanski’s, forward and off to one side.
“Yeah,” I said, and the air tightened around me once again.
Rictic took its time, this time, presumably to avoid notice from either the crowd, the helicopters, or the Bug fighter’s sensors. There was one brief moment of extreme acceleration, and then I was perched on the ridge, the field relaxing around me.
“I need to be in a different position, if I’m going to intercept fire,” Rictic said, its simulated voice taking on an urgent tone. “Are you all right here?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Can you—I mean, are you really going to be able to—”
“There are five other Chee on the way,” it said. “They should be here within ten minutes. Until then—”
It shrugged, the chrome-and-ivory plates of his robot body shifting smoothly past one another. Then it vanished, the hologram contracting to cover it as it stepped off the roof.
Visser Three knows about the Chee, I remembered suddenly. Enough to at least posit that they might be nearby, might show up under such circumstances.
‹Rictic,› I broadcast, keeping the band of my thoughts narrow. ‹Have you considered the possibility of a trap?›
There was no answer, of course. The android might circle back around to me if it made tactical sense, but in the moment—
The Bug fighter was now enormous in the sky, longer than a school bus and more than twice as thick, its two serrated gun emplacements the size of flagpoles. It had slowed, and came to a full stop as I watched, hovering directly over the center of the street maybe twenty or thirty feet higher than my vantage point on the rooftop. Holding almost unnervingly level, it began to descend, dropping toward the street with graceful slowness.
If the helicopters were attempting to communicate with it, they were doing so via radio rather than any kind of loudspeaker. They swooped in as the police moved to hold back the crowd, two of them dropping neatly onto either side of the fighter’s position while the other four continued to circle the scene.
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, the pent-up tension of inaction, of frustrated helplessness. There were too many unknowns, too many ways for the situation to go sideways. I knew I needed to do something—that in the future I’d look back to this moment and wish I had acted—but I didn’t know what.
You shouldn’t have called Rictic, a part of me accused. Now you can’t even shoot.
But surely Visser Three wouldn’t expect that, right? Wouldn’t expect his opponents to be unable to cause trouble, in a situation like this? If the goal was to be unpredictable, then maybe I was already disrupting the plan—
Wishful thinking.
I clenched my fist. If I was literally going to do nothing, then I should leave—get the cube out of danger, get to Paul or to Jake or just get out of the line of fire—
A hatch near the front of the Bug fighter slid open with a hiss of compressed air, and an object billowed forth, expanding like an airbag before fluttering down to hang limply over the nose—
A white flag?
Suddenly, a voice filled my thoughts.
‹Human resistance fighter,› the voice said. ‹Friend and ally of Elfangor—I know you are out there. Your name is Tobias, if my guess is correct. Tobias, or perhaps Rachel, or perhaps simply a friend of one of them, or of Jake or Cassie or Marco.›
I froze.
I had heard that voice before, once. It was my own, of course, as thought-speak always was. But the tone. The cadence. The utter, absolute confidence, the only Controller in the galaxy with access to thought-speak—
This was the voice that had laughed as Elfangor died.
‹I wish to emerge from my ship. To speak to the humans gathered before me, and to you as well. I would—appreciate—your clemency. It would be inconvenient to be shot, or mauled, or otherwise abused, as you are no doubt capable of causing or preventing, as you please.›
‹Rictic—›
‹If I must, I will take your silence as answer, though I would prefer a positive affirmation.›
‹Rictic, I think that’s Visser Three inside the ship. Whoever it is, they’re—they’re thought-speaking at me.›
I could feel myself panicking, feel the uncertainty and tension threatening to mutate into a full-blown meltdown. This was it, this was Visser Three’s plan, it was unfolding right now and I still didn’t know which actions would fulfill his expectations and which would violate them—
And then it clicked. Fell into place like the first shovelful of dirt on a coffin, the realization dark and heavy with despair.
There weren’t any actions that would violate his expectations. He’d chosen this battlefield, had come prepared for every eventuality, was ready for me to fight or fly or freeze, had contingency plans for anything I might think to do.
Unless he’s bluffing, insisted a quiet, determined voice inside of me. Unless that’s exactly the feeling he’s trying to get you to feel, exactly the kind of thought he’s trying to get you to think.
‹Very well, then. I will emerge in approximately fifty of your seconds. If you are willing—if neither you nor the other humans decide to fire upon me—I would appreciate speaking with you directly, after.›
And even if he has prepared for everything, that doesn’t mean you just roll over and let him win. Don’t give up the gunfight without at least making him waste some bullets.
‹Rictic,› I said again, my mental voice mercifully steady. ‹He’s opening the door in about forty seconds and coming out. If there’s gas, or some kind of hidden weapon—›
Rictic would position himself between the ship and the crowd of humans—would wait, invisible, for any sign of violence. Looking down off the roof, I weighed the landscape. I was off to the side, nearly ninety degrees away from the path of any kind of straightforward fire. And it was unlikely that the Bug fighter was about to explode, first because it contained Visser fucking Three, but also because—
What would be the point? If he wanted to nuke the site, he could’ve done that from orbit.
Then again, if he wanted to talk to humanity, he could’ve done that from orbit, too.
So why bother—
I tried to clear my head, to think in terms of actions and consequences, cause and effect—physics, not magic.
There were a couple hundred humans down below.
There were eight helicopters, and higher up and farther out, probably fighter jets and—by now—at least one nuke.
There were cameras—dozens of them, at least some of which were probably streaming directly to the cloud.
There was not any obvious spokesperson for humankind—no Presidents or billionaires, no one visibly high-ranking. Just some cops, some firefighters, some neighbors, and maybe a few Homeland Security agents.
—trying to lure me out? Make me the spokesperson—
And in the middle of it all, next to the ruin of Jeremiah Poznanski’s house, was a Bug fighter containing the leader of the Yeerk invasion.
Well, when you put it that way—
It was a publicity stunt. It was PR—we’d dragged the war out into the open, and now Visser Three was here to make some kind of impression on the human race.
He’s either going to kill everybody or try to make himself look good. If I just shoot him—shoot him right away, the second he steps out onto the ramp—
It was tempting. But—
No one would understand. It would be like going back in time and killing Hitler in 1920. It would only make him seem more sympathetic, in the long run.
And it wouldn’t even kill him. What he just said—about shooting him being inconvenient—this probably isn’t even really him, it’s one of his decoys, his remote-control bodies, like the boy Rachel killed—
But it had thought-speak, which meant—
Damn!
He’d been in thought-speak range for over a minute and a half by now. Plenty of time to have already started, to have delivered a full telepathic speech already—
‹Rictic, are you picking up any kind of thought-speak broadcast from him? If so—um—give me some kind of sign.›
I squinted down at the crowd. They weren’t obviously listening, but neither were they obviously not listening. They were riveted, one and all, on the spaceship in front of them.
You’ve got about three seconds, a part of me observed.
What could I do—what could I say, that would work equally well regardless of whether he was here to intimidate or impress, whether he’d already been talking or not—
There was another hiss, and a series of cracks appeared in what had seemed to be seamless metal, cold gas escaping as plates shifted and a ramp began to lower.
‹Remember,› I broadcast, holding only a single bubble of silence for the ship and its crew. ‹Sometimes the smooth-talking guy who has an answer for everything turns out to be a mass-murdering sociopath.›
I could see the effect the words had on the crowd, a sort of collective swelling as everyone took in a breath at the same time. Most of them, I imagined, thought they’d generated the words on their own. Only a scattered fraction seemed to be looking around, searching for the source of the telepathic voice.
All right. Some evidence that he wasn’t talking to them all along.
Somehow, that helped—eased my sense that Visser Three had thought of everything, that there was nothing I could do.
I can at least make the bastard work for it.
The ramp touched the ground with the same dignified grace that had characterized the whole charade. The crowd seemed to lean forward, craning, and then—with delicate, careful steps—
I couldn’t help it. I leaned forward, too, my eyes wide.
It wasn’t quite an Andalite. Wasn’t really like an Andalite at all, actually—it had the same six limbs, the same four eyes, the same long, lethal tail, but they bore only the loosest, sketchiest resemblance to the real thing, as different as a real human was from a stick figure.
It was shaped like a centaur, only the lower half was a deer instead of a horse—a lithe, blue body with long, tapered legs, muscled like a marble statue. There was no seam where the lower body ended and the upper began, just smooth curves of rippling blue fur. The upper half was somehow more than human—like a stylized drawing, with a bas-relief eight-pack of abs and wide, sweeping pecs. The arms were overlong, each maybe a full meter from shoulder to fingers, and the hands were slender and fragile-looking, with seven fingers but only one thumb.
And the head—
Ax and Elfangor hadn’t really had heads so much as places where their bodies simply ended. They ate through their feet, after all, and their stalk eyes pretty much eliminated the need for a neck capable of twisting and bending.
But this—
It was elegant and narrow, like an inverted teardrop, the classic little green man shape. The two stalk eyes were smaller, the cords of muscle almost twice as long as Ax’s, and the main eyes were larger and almond-shaped, close-set between a pair of pointed, elfin ears. The nose was a barely noticeable bulge, split by three vertical nostrils, and the mouth was small and thin-lipped, almost invisible above the angular, elegant chin.
It was like an Andalite, if Andalites had been specifically designed to appeal to human sensibilities. Everything about it spoke of dignity, of nobility, a subtle mix of sophistication and strength. It was like something out of Camelot, or an ancient Greek legend—a Centaur with a capital C.
And it knew, I could see. Was doing it on purpose—was moving slowly, softly, like a ballet dancer or a runway model, twisting subtly with each step in a way that made it seem somehow more than three dimensional, that allowed each observer to see more than their fair share of detail.
It was showing off, but quietly—so quietly that I wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t been looking for it. Elegance, not flashiness.
You are clumsy, the alien body said. Unrefined. Inferior. Primitive and ugly.
It stopped at the bottom of the ramp, just beyond the shadow cast by the Bug fighter’s nose, its blue fur shimmering in the afternoon light. It raised its hands slowly, palms up and fingers wide in an open, expansive gesture.
“Humans,” it said gravely, its voice deep and sonorant and undeniably male. “My name is Esplin.”
There was a collective sigh, the release of the breath they’d all taken in together a moment earlier, and I could tell my words had failed—that more than half of them were already entranced.
“You have questions,” it said, its voice somehow carrying even out to the rooftop where I was standing, seeming measured and soft even as it competed with the sound of the helicopters overhead. “And you will receive answers. But they will have to wait, for I am here to confess, and apologize, and atone, and it is important that all of humanity has a chance to hear what I have to say.”
Shoot him. Shoot him NOW, said the part of my brain that understood patterns, that ignored costs, that made me spit in bullies’ faces. I looked down at my hands, noticed that they had pulled the shredder out of the bag without my conscious approval.
But I was too far away, and also there was Rictic, and also the damage had already been done, he was already someone they wanted to listen to—
Yeah, but it’s gonna get a whole lot worse if he gets to just say whatever he wants—
‹Okay, this is already sounding pretty manipulative,› I broadcast, hoping desperately to weaken the spell, to mar the performance, like a cell phone going off during a movie. ‹Like, campaign-speech level smarmy.›
I couldn’t tell if it made any difference.
“Yesterday,” he continued, “a meteor struck Ventura county, killing some six hundred thousand people. Fathers, mothers, children. Citizens. An entire city wiped off the map—the largest single disaster in recorded human history.”
He paused, and once again the entire crowd seemed to breathe as one.
“It was no accident. It was a war crime, executed on my orders and carried out by my subordinates.”
The silence was deafening, absolute, shocked.
What—
Why—
“You see, we came not in peace, but in war—as conquerors, thinking to take from you your land, your resources, your very bodies. In foolish, arrogant ignorance, we imagined that your lives were meaningless, your wants and dreams irrelevant—that because we had the might to rule over you, we also had the right.”
He lowered his hands, his shoulders and tail slumping gently. “We were wrong,” he said flatly. “I say this too late, knowing it to be too little. I say it, not as an excuse, but as an explanation, so that you may understand what has happened, and decide what happens next. We learned of your personhood—your humanity—only after we had already grievously violated it.”
He paused, burying his face in his hands for a moment, his stalk eyes peering out over his fourteen slender fingers. “We came to your planet three months ago,” he explained. “Landed, in secret, in Ventura—seized a building in the center of town—began to spread quietly, inch by inch. My species is symbiotic, you see—the body before you is an animal, no more intelligent than a cow. These words are coming to you from a Yeerk, living inside this body’s skull. In my natural state, I am deaf, blind, and mute—a helpless slug, swimming in stagnant water. In order to see and experience the world, we must take a host—crawl into its ear and share its thoughts, its senses, its experience.”
He lowered his hands. “We took the city of Ventura,” he said bluntly. “Enslaved its people, and used their bodies to capture others. It was the first step in a larger campaign to enslave your entire species, along with the lesser species beneath you—to take your planet as our own. On my world, this is the right and natural way of things—there are no other intelligent species, and by grabbing the reins of control, we do not cost anyone anything. Indeed, the creatures we bond with often live longer, healthier, happier lives, thanks to our care.”
I watched, my jaw hanging loose and open, as the crowd shifted uncertainly, as the men and women in uniform looked uncertainly at one another, no one daring to take the initiative.
Shoot. Him.
But I couldn’t. I was just as hooked as the rest of them, had to understand why—why he was telling this story, what could possibly be in it for him—
“Only once had we ever encountered another truly sapient race—the Andalites, who came to our world with miraculous technology and infinite knowledge, and then denied us the right to learn, to share, to grow. They chained us to our mud puddles while they roamed freely through the stars, and when we finally broke free of their control, we stole from them everything we could.”
On a cross street on the opposite side of the scene, a black SUV pulled up, came screeching to a halt. A man dressed in a formal suit leapt out, began to push through the crowd—
“And so we learned that there are only two kinds of creatures—those lesser than us, whom we would rule, and those greater than us, whom we must fight lest they rule us. I beg, not for your forgiveness, but for your understanding—not ten years have passed since we first realized we were not alone in the universe, and as we spread from star to star, the pattern held true. Everywhere we went, we found either conquest or conflict, and it never occurred to us that this was a choice—that there could be a path to peace that did not require subjugation.”
—the man broke through the cordon, flashed a badge at the assembled cops, strode out into the open space between the Visser and the crowd—
—and froze in mid-step as the alien lifted a finger. Actually froze, his eyes wide, his mouth half-open, every muscle taut and thrumming.
The rest of the crowd sucked in a breath. The Visser raised his head, his body ramrod straight, all four eyes looking past the petrified agent and into the center of the mass of humanity. “Until Earth,” he said softly. “Until Ventura. We were slow to learn, these past three months, but we did learn. We came as we had come to a dozen other worlds, thinking of you as tools, as mere animals—thinking that your culture was only make-work, emergent behavior, like the dancing of bees and the hives of termites. We took thousands of you, in secret, and we would have taken thousands more, but you proved yourself to us—proved that you had souls, and that what we had done was an abomination.”
Still holding one hand up to the agent, he gestured vaguely into the crowd with the other. “We had discovered our mistake, and were preparing to rectify it—to begin an orderly retreat, opening negotiations with your leadership and returning Ventura to its rightful owners. But then—”
He hesitated, his shoulders visibly rising as he took in a breath, then slumping again as he released it. “You had defenders,” he said softly. “They were teenagers—children, really, not even halfway through high school, but they shouldered the burden of resistance, battling with brilliance and tenacity. We do not know how they came to be aware of our invasion, but they fought tirelessly on your behalf, and yesterday—unaware of our decision, unaware that we had realized our crime—they penetrated our stronghold, and destroyed it, triggering a dead-man’s switch.”
Turning his whole head, he looked directly at the frozen agent, seeming to take in every inch of him. Slowly, smoothly, he lowered his hand, and the man’s body relaxed, collapsing like a puppet on the asphalt, where it stayed and did not move.
“The Andalites continue to hound us, you see. They pursue us everywhere we go, and so we have made it a law that we never leave resources behind. If a colony is destroyed for any reason, an automatic process triggers a—”
He broke off. “A cleansing,” he said carefully, pronouncing the word as if it had edges capable of cutting. “To ensure that our enemies do not profit from what we have built. That they do not learn from our discoveries, as they refused to let us learn from theirs. The vengeance intended for our Andalite persecutors fell upon Ventura, called down by accident—by the very same humans whose bravery had helped to open our eyes to the truth.”
I was astonished. Dumbfounded. Speechless. I felt my thoughts spinning, skidding, felt myself veering between outrage and doubt.
Lies!
But—
Lies! He dropped the asteroid himself—dropped it on purpose.
Except—
The only evidence I had for that was the word of a strange god-creature who had put my little brother in mortal danger just to set a mood—
That, and the word of Elfangor, who had come prepared to slaughter every living thing on the surface of the planet.
“It is a tragedy of unthinkable proportions,” the Visser continued, as the rest of the crowd looked on in horrified silence. “A loss that cannot be forgiven, a debt that cannot be repaid, a crime for which we cannot atone. It is a shame my people will bear until the last star burns out—that we carelessly enslaved you, and afterward carelessly murdered you, and all in secrecy and silence, with no defiance given.”
He stepped forward, moving further into the light. “It is in recognition of our debt that I have come, as the former commanding officer of the invasion force, to surrender myself to your justice and retribution. The plan was to land in your capital, but the malfunction of one of our ships—if a malfunction it was, and not the clever doing of yet another daring freedom fighter—has brought me here, instead.”
His stalk eyes swiveled, taking in the crowd, the wreckage, the quivering agent and the hovering helicopters. “I will not live long, myself,” he said, his tone suddenly flat. “A Yeerk must leave its host to feed every three days, swimming in the waters of its pool, and we have fully withdrawn all of our resources from the Earth. I will answer your questions, and then I will starve to death, and humans will once again be the only sapient species on the surface of your planet. My hope is that, in the next three days, I may purchase some small absolution with my suffering.
“The two ships my people leave to you as gifts, along with the technical information you will need both to pilot them and to build more. We are not Andalites, hoarding our knowledge, refusing to share. Should you desire it, you may meet with us again—in five months’ time, in orbit around the moon of Europa. A representative of my people will be waiting there, to negotiate with you the terms of a federation. If you demur, we shall leave you in peace and regret, and hope to meet you someday among the stars, as equals.”
Taking one last sweeping look, he bowed his head, raising his arms in front of him as if to allow himself to be shackled—
—and with that, he pushed me just a little too far, stretched my credulity just a little too thin, and the spell—which had begun to work even on me—broke, the fog disappearing like breath on a cold day.
It was too neat. Too clean, the moral lines drawn with the stark, narrative precision of a con man. And to figure out what a con man wanted, you only had to look at what would happen as a result—
If the Bug fighter really did work—if the plans really were sufficient to make more, using only human-level technology—
Then five months from now, we’d either have a hundred factories cranking them out, or we’d be on our way to having them. Maybe they’d all explode if given the right command, or maybe they all had a secret backdoor that would let the Yeerks take control of them, or maybe they just worked and the Earth would be that much farther along, that much more valuable once the inevitable betrayal finally happened—
I’d been thinking that the Visser would come down to stop us from getting access to Yeerk technology. But I’d had it backwards all along. He didn’t just want us—he wanted our whole goddamn world, the infrastructure necessary to keep seven billion bodies alive and happy, the machinery that had brought us from the Renaissance to the internet and could easily keep us on an upward trajectory for the next thousand years. He was confident that he could take us either way, and so he was putting us on the fast track now—
And let’s be honest—if they do work, and then a peaceful meeting happens in five months—how long before the voluntary infestation programs begin? How many people will line up to get themselves a friendly live-in personal assistant—someone to help them lose weight and learn new skills and stay on track? And once all of those people start pulling ahead, thanks to their turbocharged social network, how long before parents start signing their kids up for Yeerk preschool? Before the military starts requiring Yeerk symbiosis for coordination purposes?
They weren’t going to conquer us the way Cortés had conquered the Aztecs. They were going to conquer us the way we’d conquered East Germany—by making us want to be conquered.
And maybe a little Cortés on the side, too, to speed things along. He said they’ve withdrawn fully from the Earth, but they were pulling information out of the White House two hours ago.
Who’s to say they weren’t just lying? That they didn’t just have another pool in Africa somewhere, or that they hadn’t just gone ahead and nabbed, like, the entire government of China? Even if they didn’t, the fact that they’d left alien tech in the hands of the U.S. government—and not the U.N. or China or Russia or India—might just be enough of a spark to ignite a world war.
Okay, fine. Working theory.
Now what?
The answer came almost immediately, once again whispered in Garrett’s voice:
Destroy the ships.
I bit my lip, looking down at the crowd below. The beautiful figure still stood motionless, head down and hands out, waiting for some enterprising human to step forward, to take responsibility. None did, though the agent was stirring, slowly pushing himself up to hands and feet as a trio of cops approached him from the side.
It was a wildcard move, but it might be possible if Rictic cooperated, and it fit with the general principle of don’t let Visser Three get what he wants. It avoided the martyrdom problem of killing him directly, and would definitely throw off whatever scheme he was trying to pull.
Can we afford it, though? I mean, if he is telling the truth, and that’s a perfectly good starfighter down there—
‹Rictic,› I began. ‹I need you up—›
‹Human resistance fighter,› came the Visser’s voice in my head.
My attention snapped back to the blue uber-Andalite, who was still standing motionless, waiting as the man in the suit drew closer, holding out a pair of handcuffs.
‹You have every reason to be skeptical of my intentions,› the voice said soberly. ‹Not least because you know that this is not my true body. I will suffer, yes, but I will not die.›
There was a soft sound beside me, and I turned to see Rictic standing on the sloped roof, its face-parts giving the impression of an expectant look. I held up a finger.
‹But you will note that I did not betray your secrets,› the Visser continued. ‹I did not give your names, nor divulge the fact that you possess the morphing power, nor expose the existence of your android allies.›
“What—”
‹Shhh. Visser Three is thought-speaking at me.›
Down below, the man in the suit was now shackling the Visser’s tail to his wrists, having first instructed him to tuck it in between his legs. The alien looked strangely diminished, as if the loss of his dignity had taken inches off of his height.
‹There are higher forces at work in this system,› he said, keeping all four of his eyes down as the agent led him past a cordon and back toward the black SUV. ‹Manipulative forces. They seem to be trying to engineer a conflict—to pit us against one another—and in my opinion they have already had far too much influence over recent events.›
I watched, paralyzed, as the man opened the rear door of the SUV and the alien stepped inside without hesitating.
‹No doubt you are already thinking of ways to undermine me, to undo what I have just done. You could disable my ship, for instance—or steal it, or broadcast your own version of events to these kind conduits.›
Two armored police officers crawled into the back with him, and a third shut the door before getting into the passenger’s seat.
‹But if we are to slip the noose that fate has prepared for us—to step outside of the roles our manipulators intend for us to play—then we must start somewhere. I see no fundamental reason for us to be enemies—my people think they want control, but that is only because true symbiosis has never occurred to them as an option.›
The van shuddered to life and began to move.
‹Ventura was a tragedy on both sides. It need not set the pattern for all time, and the Andalites have done your people no favor worthy of enduring allegiance.›
“Tobias—”
‹Shhhh!›
‹I offer three tokens of my goodwill. First, I will tell my human keepers that any petitioner with the password Elfangor is one I wish to speak with, though I cannot promise they will let you through. Second, I have hidden a cache of useful supplies in the water between the larger and smaller landmasses of St. Matthew island, in the state of Alaska.›
The van began to recede, two of the helicopters peeling off to follow it while the other two continued to circle the crash, the crowd, and the remaining Bug fighter.
‹And third—I believe one among your number is named Cassie Withers. Her parents were in orbit when the asteroid struck. If she wishes to be reunited with them, they will be set free in Washington in two days’ time, along with the remaining twenty-four human Controllers.›
And with that, the van passed out of range, turning and disappearing in the thickly wooded suburban streets.
I sank weakly to my knees, one hand out to keep me from falling and sliding down the dark, sloped roof.
“Tobias, what—”
“Visser Three,” I said, my voice hoarse. “He just—”
I swallowed.
Not in control, never in control.
“He just offered us a truce.”
Chapter 28: Interlude 6
Chapter Text
[–] GrimHarvest7876 133 points 3 hours ago (edited)
Trying to keep track of everything; please ping me with updates (thanks u/machinaut for the sticky).
CURRENT CONCLUSION: Still think “true,” but trending heavily toward false. Lots of pretty convincing holes being poked ITT.
Edit/update: I’m sticking mostly to facts here, people. I’ll stop overusing the word ‘allegedly’ once we have actual confirmation on any of this.
Ventura: no weird seizures of evidence (phones, video, etc), no known government interference. All signs point to meteor strike (turns out EMPs are normal for meteor strikes and don’t necessarily imply nuke; thanks u/GrunklePrime). Anomalies: unconfirmed explosion near center of town ~1hr prior to impact, plus scattered reports of sonic booms/shockwaves/wind disturbances along roads surrounding ~30min prior, especially to the northwest.
Washington: FBI cordon around entire neighborhood, no one going in or out without a badge. No-fly zone extends 5mi radius (thanks u/FairyClarkJr). Google, weather, et al not offering any satellite photos and may be under gag orders; tons of photos and videos hitting the web since “Esplin’s” departure, but most of it seems extremely fake and does not match quality and internal consistency of first wave of content. No official statements from anybody other than media pundits (who for once are admitting they don’t know anything, either). [original photos of crashed ship collected here and mirrored here; video from the scene here here and here]
Aliens:
Yurks (Yerkes? Yeerks?) are allegedly small, senseless slugs that specialize in controlling other bodies. Presumably needs to interface directly with the brain, allegedly starves after three days of continuous possession. Currently stationed on Europa (edit: will allegedly be there in five months; present whereabouts unknown).
Andalites are undescribed, allegedly at war with the Yurks, presumably have better technology, don’t sound very nice.
Blue centaurs: no name given, not much detail, said to be as intelligent as a cow. [photos]
Esplin: The Yurk who gave the speech [transcript]. Currently claims to be possessing a blue centaur. Claims to have led an invasion force to infiltrate Ventura starting three months ago, to have realized recently that humans are morally relevant, to have been responsible for the destruction of Ventura after his people’s stronghold got taken out (possible contradiction between direct responsibility and “dead man’s switch”). Claims to be willing to die for crimes committed, claims to want diplomatic relations, claims to have provided two ships (one wrecked) as a gesture of goodwill. Last “seen” entering a black US government vehicle under partial duress.
Other notables:
MIB dude: African American male, late thirties, 6’2”, muscular build, tailored suit, no weapons [pic]. Passed through cordon without ID, stopped (possibly paralyzed?) at a gesture from Esplin. Later recovered and took point on restraining and extracting Esplin.
Unnamed freedom fighters: High schoolers (WTF?) who were somehow going toe to toe with invasion forces, eventually blowing up the stronghold and triggering the meteor strike. Presumed dead in the blast. Possible exception: first crashed spaceship [photos here] plausibly brought down by one or more of them. Speculation: if so, they were already operating in DC; this could explain some of the weirdnesses around the government’s reaction.
Unnamed psychic voice: unconfirmed, but seven messages that made it online prior to the blackout claim words placed in their heads in two separate psychic bursts. Words are consistent between multiple people [transcript]. Accounts making the claim confirmed as real people living in the vicinity; if hoax, then hoax done right and done extremely quickly. Voice is not fond of Esplin; possibly Andalite.
It should go without saying, but take all of this with a heaping tablespoon of salt. There’s a lot we don’t know, and the weight of multiple sources is reduced by the lack of any corroboration outside of an eight-block radius.
Truthers: analyses available [here] and [here]
Conspiracists: claims of debunking [here], [here], [here], and [here]. Video analysis [here], but narrator seems clearly insane and I don’t buy most of the arguments. Presented for completeness only.
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[–] countingcards 27 points 3 hours ago (edited)
Disney af.
Graceful, elegant alien that breathes oxygen and speaks English like fucking Morgan Freeman? Overwhelmingly technologically superior invaders that realize the error of their ways and voluntarily surrender to the authorities? Plans thwarted by a band of scrappy teenagers?
How the fuck are you all swallowing this?
***Edit: NVM, I’ve seen the light. Paypal $50 to countingcards52 and I’ll send you a pair of the yurk-proof earplugs I just developed.
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[–] PumicePrimate 7 points 3 hours ago
It sounds like Hollywood because it is Hollywood. No way a government op would be simultaneously this polished and this fucking stupid.
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[–] creatureoftheglade 32 points 3 hours ago
Look, just set aside the “is it true or not” question for a minute and look at the ramifications if it is true. Our use of technology is obvious from space. They were bodysnatching people with enough skill that nobody sounded the alarm. They announced their presence with a humanoid (ish) avatar that had human mannerisms and gestures, which they sure as hell didn’t just find and I doubt they designed it last week. And after all that, they still didn’t think we were ‘sentient’ until a few days ago. Whatever their real goals are, they DO NOT share our values – whatever moral reasoning they claim to have is clearly not analogous to human moral reasoning.
We need every public official to submit to a mandatory MRI.
We need every employer to require mandatory Yerke screenings.
We need to offer free screenings so that every family can make sure there is no possession among their members.
We need every private citizen to submit to screening before being trusted with absolutely anything.
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[–] HeartScribe 6 points 2 hours ago
// technology is obvious from space
Maybe they thought we weren’t individually sapient? From what it said, it thought our technology was the result of group intelligence, like termites or ants.
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[–] entroprising 11 points 2 hours ago
“Just set aside the ‘is it true or not’ question long enough for us to pass Patriot Act 2.0. Y’know, for your own good and all.”
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[–] cognoslutty 18 points 1 hour ago
Who told you how to do a Yerke screening? How do you know they weren’t a Yerke? How do I know you’re not a Yerke? Kind of sounds like something a Yerke would say, doesn’t it?
No matter what you do, you’re taking something on faith. Yerkes might live in the spine instead of in the head, or they might be too small to detect. They might starve after three days, or they might be able to live off a host forever. They might not exist because mind control is accomplished through some kind of transmission instead, or straight-up bodysnatching (replacing people with clones or robots). Or the whole thing could be one giant misdirect. You’re trying to Vizzini your way out of this, and it’s not going to work out any better for you than it did for him.
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[–] hagar 2 points 2 hours ago
I hope all you unbelievers have opened your eyes. Ventura was only the beginning: the reckoning is come and the apocalypse is upon us.
// 11 With the hoofs of his horses shall he tread down all thy streets: he shall slay thy people by the sword, and thy strong garrisons shall go down to the ground.
The hour is before us. Great is the Almighty, He warned us but we refused to heed. Lo and behold, who is responsible for “making fire come down from heaven,” and destroying a city “in a single hour”? Not to mention Revelation 13:16: “And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bound, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads.”
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[–] Soniq_is_Daizy 10 points 1 hour ago
Thought this was a troll at first, but looking back through their comments for the past month or two...well, still might be a troll, but a dedicated one if so.
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[–] DankEasy 17 points 2 hours ago
I’ve been reading through news sites and forums for like three hours now, with the video on repeat in the background, trying to make sense of what’s going on. Or more like, waiting for my brain to start to try to make sense of what’s going on.
I feel like I’m hanging out on a movie set or something, but they’ve only filmed one scene and the director and writers are yelling at each other about what the rest of the script should say and what genre the film is. Like, that was a hell of a performance by this Esplin character, but it’s not going to be enough to save the movie because I still have no idea about even the most basic things about him or where this story came from or what happens next and it feels like one of those Hollywood blockbusters where you can’t squint at it too closely or it’ll break your suspension of disbelief.
Yeah, actually, that’s it exactly—my suspension of disbelief is broken, but it’s like the universe doesn’t even care. I mean, there it is, on camera, right?
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[–] WhoLetTheZurgsOut 8 points 2 hours ago
This. So much this.
I first heard about this whole thing from my mom (well, not exactly first but basically yeah.) I was in the library doing homework (I guess it was just three hours ago, it feels like it was off in some parallel universe.) I skipped over the first couple posts about it in my FB feed because it looked too ridiculous to be even interesting, some stupid movie promotion or viral whatever. Then I didn’t answer my phone (because library.) Then my mom texted me to ask if I was okay and it was weird how concerned she seemed (I guess it’s still kind of weird because it’s not like anything was happening but not really) and I called her back when I headed back to my dorm. And that’s when I found out. “Are you okay?” and then “Oh my god, you haven’t seen it?” And then for like two minutes I was scared she’d turned schitzophrenic or something until the Facebook posts clicked and then I went and checked, like, the whole rest of the internet.
I’ve basically just been sitting online since then and messaging people, and it still all looks too ridiculous, movies that don’t make any sense, people acting like they’re not really people. I need to get some food before I pass out.
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[–] WetnessIsTheEssenceOfBeauty 16 points 2 hours ago
Okay, there’s a ton of heavy stuff, here … but can we talk about the random MIB dude?
Esplin’s barely gotten out two sentences when this guy shows up out of nowhere, BY HIMSELF, police just let him through, and then this one, single guy, with no backup and no weapon I could see, he just confidently walks up to this self-professed alien war criminal.
Then he gets stunned or paralyzed or whatever (right in the middle of Esplin’s speech about learning to treat us all with dignity and respect), and then he STILL JUST GETS UP AND CALMLY PUTS HANDCUFFS ON THE MOTHERFUCKING ALIEN WITH THE ASS KATANA.
Like, what? I don’t want to be a conspiracy nut, here, and I don’t know what any of this means, but … it’s not just me, right? That whole thing was really fucking weird?
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[–] SabreVert 4 points 2 hours ago
It’s not just you. Add to that, why the hell did nobody say a single goddamn word? Not the neighbors, not the cops, nobody. Not even when he said he’d killed six hundred thousand people.
A part of me wants to say that’s evidence that the whole thing was staged, but, you’d think if they were staging it, they’d do it more realistically, right? Like, if it was fake, wouldn’t you have people acting more normal?
I’m hung up on this and the MIB guy because we can actually see it in the footage (as opposed to all the stuff Esplin is claiming, which … who even fucking knows). But this clearly happened, on some level, and it doesn’t make any sense.
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[–] GSVOrangeYouGladIDidntSayBanana 18 points 1 hour ago
PHYSICS THREAD (FTL, telepathy, advanced cloaking, Fermi paradox, implications)
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[–] Cosmic_Crayon 5 points 1 hour ago
None of this is showing up on TV or news here (Estonia). Tons of continuing coverage of the Ventura disaster and the cleanup in LA, but not a word on anything weird in DC. Not sure if they’re waiting on confirmation or they’ve been told to keep their mouths shut…
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[–] dontcallmeishmael 9 points 59 minutes ago
Trojan.
Fucking.
Horse.
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[–] ElliotPhoneHome 3 points 50 minutes ago
Oh, God. I just spent like 30 seconds thinking of all the fucked up things that could come out of a crashed spaceship. Any of you ever read The Andromeda Strain? Or War of the Worlds? It wouldn’t even have to be on purpose…
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[–] rampant170 1 point 32 minutes ago
Am I the only one who wants some kind of corroboration?
I mean, screw the idea of human confirmation. Even if every single image and video is 100% accurate—
We have one individual, here. One perspective.
How far would you trust Random Joe’s summary of what’s going on in the Middle East right now? Take a Sunni, a Shia, a Jew, a Russian, a blue-tribe American, a red-tribe American, and somebody from, I dunno, Fiji or whatever, and you’re going to get MASSIVELY different conclusions about what should be done, who the good guys are, etc. etc. And that’s just bias and culture alone—you don’t even have to have any of them actively trying to lie.
Everything this Esplin character’s said—about Yeerks, about Andalights, about Ventura—we don’t know whether to treat it like it’s coming out of Tyagi’s mouth, or Thiel’s. Esplin could be the Neil deGrass Tyson of his species, or he could be the fucking Vermin Supreme.
We need to get about fifty other aliens on the line, stat. More Yeerks, more Andalights, more of any other species out there. And if this Esplin can’t do it, or doesn’t let us—well, that tells you everything you need to know right there.
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[–] applied_insanity 3 points 56 minutes ago
So many idiots falling for this blatant propaganda. Whatever you say, Mr. Charisma, we’re happy to splatter your psyops all over Youtube for you!
Of course you can trust that we’re no longer in the midst of an invasion, he gave such a lovely speech! Why, it would be downright *barbaric* to fight back against such a *noble* enemy.
Forgive me for Godwinning myself, but at least Hitler’s fanboys fell for his speeches back *before* he was a mass murderer, instead of fawning all over him the day after when he gave such a heartfelt apology, so sorry.
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[–] m073cu73 0 points 56 minutes ago
Puh-lease, this is the fakest shit I’ve ever seen. Asteroids and aliens? This is how America’s going to try to cover up what happened in Ventura? We’ve [seen] what happened just before the “impact”…this was clearly either a terrorist strike or a malfunction of some kind of crazy black ops research facility.
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[–] entroprising 8 points 48 minutes ago
While given the circumstances I can understand everybody’s mistrust and skepticism, this really does represent a tremendous opportunity for all of humanity (even in light of the tragedy at Ventura). Until this morning, I would’ve said that humanity was destined to die quietly on this one little rock, but now it looks like there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. We shouldn’t trust the aliens blindly, but even a small chance this is legit makes the cost vs benefit of going along with the possibility of peace worth it.
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[–] TroubledTrousers 11 points 41 minutes ago
Fuck you. Fuck you so fucking hard right now.
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[–] entroprising 2 points 33 minutes ago
…I’m sorry? I’d maybe apologize more believably if you were more specific…
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[–] HeartScribe 4 points 39 minutes ago
I really really really hope this technology doesn’t end up restricted to the military (especially just our military). Like, I get that they’ll try, it’s in their limited best interests to try to maintain technological hegemony, but I’m hoping that with all the publicity that’s already happening, our government will see there’s a clear public interest in letting at least the non-weaponizable stuff out, like the engines.
(Yes, I’m sure somebody will come up with a way to weaponize that – humans did it with planes – but an alien engine is probably too expensive for terrorists)
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[–] mrfreeze54 5 points 3 minutes ago
// engines
// non-weaponizable
lol. I know this was nearly a whole day ago, so it might have slipped your mind by now, but remember how a meteor just killed a million people.
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[–] mrfreeze54 9 points 48 minutes ago
How the hell do you live inside a person’s head and control them so well that nobody notices for months, but you never realise they’re sentient?
Are they actually way smarter than us so we do seem like ants to them? If this is real, this is scary as hell…we’re completely at their mercy…
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[–] CQCQ_037 4 points 31 minutes ago (edited)
This, seriously. These aliens are nowhere near advanced enough, based on what we’re seeing, and that’s way scarier than anybody seems to realize.
Look. Earth took billions of years to form, right? Then life formed. Some couple of billion years later, we get multicellular life. Then, another billion years, intelligent life (primates, corvids, etc). Then a few million years before we settled down enough to start making language, recording history. Then we’re talking a few thousand years to go from small villages with basic farming to internet and VR and skyscrapers and SpaceX. Each step takes less time than the previous step, in other words.
So, two intelligent species evolve. Fair enough. But each step in that process–there’s no fixed length to them. Fraction of a percent difference one way or another, and one life form got a good couple of million years’ worth of technology on the other. Which means that any time two alien species meet, one of them ought to be ridiculously, incomprehensibly more advanced than the other.
The idea that their tech is only a little bit ahead of ours, to the point where we can usefully study it and recreate it, is laughable. Odds are this whole business was deliberately staged, start to finish, with some unknown and possibly unknowable end goal. We’re the frigging condors, and this “Esplin” is the condor-shaped puppet they’re showing us, so that we react the way they want us to.
EDIT: For the record, I’m not actually claiming that Esplin is the one doing the staging. He could just as easily be a vat-grown creature with implanted memories, telling us a story that he really thinks is true…
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[–] AskMeAboutDwarfFortress 3 points 44 minutes ago
Nobody actually believes they’ve left the surface, right? I mean, it seems safe to assume that anything capable of interstellar travel is at the very least not much stupider than I am, and if I was leading an invasion force (even if I’d changed my mind)….
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[–] Paper_St_Soap_Company 6 points 42 minutes ago
I keep catching myself muttering “God, don’t fuck it up.” But I’m not talking to myself. That’s a message to you (each and every one of you): don’t fuck this up.
Hundreds of thousands of years of human history, and we finally get this chance at something amazing, and we’re probably going to fuck it up. You’re probably going to fuck it up.
We’re on the doorstep of space travel and interstellar colonization and learning the wisdom of a civilization that’s crossed the galaxy. Clearly the thing to do is to panic and get paranoid and riot and lash out at the advanced beings who are opening the door. They fucked it up a little at first, so now obviously the clever move is for us to fuck it up as much as possible.
I can just picture them crossing the galaxy, reaching out humbly to make first contact with a gesture of friendship and an apology for like stepping on one of our anthills, and then they find this reddit thread full of guns and idiots like u/Stalwart31415 saying “pour salt in everyone’s ears” and “fill that ship with nukes and send it back their way” and all these other ridiculous threats and revenge fantasies. From your vast experience of action movies and flame wars, you have developed the military and diplomatic acumen to know that the correct response to the gift of a futuristic spaceship is guerilla warfare. God, I hope the people with actual nukes aren’t this full of panic and vengeance, and that they actually think for once instead of looking at the polls which say how cool would it look if we blew up the mothership.
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[–] applied_insanity 2 points 18 minutes ago
I swore I’d never use the word “sheeple,” but you are not making this easy for me. Go drive through the fucking lava pit that used to be Ventura county and tell me how they fucked it up just “a little.”
Let me make this simple for you. Ever seen a politician give a speech before? Did you notice what they *did* afterward, and compare that to what they *said* in the speech? Notice any similarities to the blue guy?
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[–] ArcaneFerret 2 points 39 minutes ago
Anybody interested in helping me with my shopping/looting list? So far, my general categories are:
- Guns (& other weapons)
- Food
- Clothes (& armor)
- Fuel (& other power generation)
- Tools
- Medical supplies
- Water purification
- Shelter (tents, tarps, hatchet)
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[–] HeartScribe 1 point 30 minutes ago
Stock market is in freefall. I’m pretty sure that’s a looting list. Get guns first.
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[–] PumicePrimate 1 point 26 minutes ago
Yeah, prices of gold and bitcoin are skyrocketing, dollar is crashing as well. I’m posting this from Walmart…people are still pretty calm right now (paying, standing in line) but the place is packed and getting packed-er.
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[–] TheDukeIsNigh 5 points 35 minutes ago
I’m not a religious person, but right now I wish there was a God that I could pray to.
Any moment, everyone I love could wind up like the people of Ventura. Or like the people of Ventura were a few days ago (why aren’t more people talking about that?) or maybe it’ll all turn out to be a wonderful paradise. Whichever one of those Esplin wants. He has already decided and we are just sitting here waiting.
He can throw meteors around and work miracles while hiding behind the curtain (or while he’s on camera, if he feels like it) and basically just do whatever he wants. And he’s not a God with special concern for us, he doesn’t listen to our prayers, he doesn’t care what we do or what’s in our hearts. He’s just some strange creature who evolved on some other planet, with some scheme that serves his own alien values, and now he’s here orchestrating things to his liking.
(Unless the anadalights decide to come and blow everything up.)
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[–] KillroyIsHere 5 points 31 minutes ago
Check the transcript of the strange, telepathic message. MASS-MURDERING PSYCHOPATH.
We have hundreds of thousands dead in Ventura, and that voice knew it before the horse thing took responsibility for it. All you idiots geeking out over science and politics and conspiracy theories are missing the point.
Hundreds of thousands dead.
Hundreds of thousands dead.
Hundreds of thousands dead.
If you’re fucking excited right now, you need to get your fucking head examined.
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[–] TroubledTrousers 1 point 2 minutes ago
I don’t know where else to put this, so I guess I’ll leave it here.
This has been the worst day of my entire life. I know it’s trite and cliché for people to say that, like after a celebrity has died and they’re trying to get sympathy or attention or whatever, but I don’t care. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want attention. I just have to get this out. I have to let the pressure out somewhere, or I’m going to crack.
I had family in Ventura. An aunt, an uncle, a cousin. My favorite branch of the family. They took care of me and my little sister while our parents were going through their divorce. They’d fly out to visit on July 4th, and we’d fly out to see them at Christmas.
When the news came, yesterday
When they came on TV and said
Look, I know a lot of people are suffering. I’m not the only one who’s lost somebody. But
I sat up all night, trying to stop myself from calling their numbers over and over again. I wrote emails to all three of them, these long, multi-page emails, too little, too late. Around 2AM I started a doc of memories, tried to write down everything I could remember, every visit, every conversation. Little things I don’t want to forget. My uncle, balancing a broom on his chin. My aunt, tanning my hide when she found out I stole my sister’s doll to get revenge for her making fun of my science project. Cousin’s magic show, where he’d say “Alaka-Matthew!” when he did a trick.
They have to be dead. They lived right in the center of town. There’s no way they made it out, and I hate that stupid fucking part of my brain that wants to keep hoping, wants to keep checking, thinks they might have been running an errand or gone camping or whatever. Fucking denial.
There were people talking, this morning before everything else, talking about a government conspiracy, some 9/11 bullshit or whatever, and it took everything I had not to grab them by their stupid fucking throats and scream at them that this wasn’t some stupid game, that they had no right to treat it like a fucking newspaper crossword riddle
I should’ve just done it. Who the fuck cares now, right?
They canceled our fourth of July get-together. Said my uncle’s work was getting tense, that it was a busy time, couldn’t get away, and my cousin was busy with preseason anyway. I kept thinking about that last night, over and over again—how I didn’t get a chance to see them, didn’t get to tell them I loved them, didn’t get to say goodbye.
And then this morning
That three day thing
They’ve never canceled a trip before. I mean fucking never. My sister and I talked about it at the time—how we were worried about my uncle, worried that maybe he was going to lose his job or something. We were gonna send a fruit basket or something, but we never got around to it, and I was kicking myself all night for being a stupid, lazy asshole.
And then I thought
Maybe they canceled the trip because
(just fucking type it come on you coward TYPE THE FUCKING WORDS)
I don’t think that was them, anymore. I think they must have been one of those, some of the people who were taken. Because of the three day thing, you know? I think they couldn’t fly out for a week long vacation, because the fucking alien slugs in their heads
God, I talked to them about it. To my aunt, on the phone. About the trip, and my uncle’s job, and how we’d always
She sounded so guilty. Like, really genuinely regretful. Like it mattered to her, that I was bummed about it, like even though it was her life that was all stressful, I was the one who needed to be reassured or whatever.
I don’t know what that—that thing meant, when it talked about taking people over. Enslaving them. I don’t know if my aunt and uncle and cousin were—were like in a coma, like dreaming, or whether they were awake, aware, alive, I don’t know if they were trapped, helpless, screaming. They sounded just like normal. They sounded just like they were supposed to.
God. I feel so
It might’ve been months. They might’ve been that way for months, bodysnatched by fucking aliens while I bitched about classes and spent money on frozen yogurt and fucking Magic cards. While I was too busy to send them a fucking fruit basket, when they took care of me for almost a year.
I don’t want to bring it up, with my sister. If she hasn’t figured it out herself—I don’t want her to know.
Everybody was so sad about Ventura, and now everybody’s confused, and scared, and thinking about the future, and trying to figure out what happens next, and all I care about is those last few days, those last few weeks. If they suffered. If they were alone. If they had any kind of hope.
I kept telling myself, yesterday morning, at least it was quick. At least it happened in a flash. They didn’t see it coming, they weren’t scared, they didn’t feel anything.
Maybe that’s still true. Maybe I’m wrong. But I can’t get it out of my head, and I can’t shake this feeling, like it’s my fault, like I let them down. Like I should’ve pushed harder, or at least sent that stupid fucking basket, why didn’t I just send it, I didn’t send it because it cost thirty dollars and I bought movie tickets instead, for this awful movie, I went with this stupid airhead and we made out afterward and it was a good day and it’s all shit now, shit and poison and
I have to do something. I don’t know what, but I have to DO something, I can’t just sit here and let it be like this. Maybe I’ll drive to Washington. Maybe I’ll drive to California. Maybe I should get a gun and just
Fuck it. I was going to delete that, but fuck it.
(Don’t freak. I’m not going to kill myself.)
I just—I wish everybody would be a little quieter. A little more serious. I wish people would fucking count, and realize that more people died yesterday than died in World War Two (US people, I mean). There’s people talking about how the government is lying to us and how science is going to change and how maybe it was a nuke and maybe it was a laser and maybe this is the start of Independence Day and it’s all just
Not serious.
It doesn’t matter what “really” happened. Not to my dead family. Not to me. All that matters is it’s over, and it’s never going to be the same. And I maybe could’ve done something, some stupid tiny thing to make it a little less shitty, but I didn’t, and I’m going to have to live with that, and people are going to try to make it better with candlelight vigils and prayers and memorials and stuff, and it’s not going to work, and it’s all just
Gah. Sorry. I don’t know why I’m dumping all of this on you. Probably none of you are even going to read this, so I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty anyway. I guess maybe this is just one of the only places where people really talk to me, like more than just a couple of words. I don’t even really want anybody to say anything back, I just don’t want this to like disappear or whatever. I want it to matter to somebody, that my aunt and uncle and cousin are dead, that they were good people and they’re gone now and it’s not some fucking headline scoop or conspiracy debate. That even if it’s the best possible case, and all this turns into fucking Star Trek, it’s not going to matter because they’re not going to be there to see it, them and six hundred thousand other people.
You guys are going to forgive them. I can just tell. They’re going to give us hyperdrives and tricorders, and you guys are going to just forgive them, because hey, shit happens, and we’re no better, remember what we did to the Indians? Even if it wasn’t aliens, even if it was our own government, nobody’s actually going to balance the scales here. How do you make somebody pay, for real, for half a million deaths? We can’t. So you’re just going to let it go.
And I’m not going to be able to deal with that. That is not going to be a thing I am going to be able to handle, to accept. There is only so much pressure I can handle, and that—
That is going to be too much.
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Chapter 29: Interlude 7
Notes:
Jake chapter almost finished; going up within 24 hours. In the meantime, here's the first section, broken out into its own interlude.
Chapter Text
Interlude 7
(Time: 13:34:52.338729 EST)
[Tobias Yastek has asked whether we are in contact with Jake Berenson.]
The ensuing debate is long and contentious. When it comes to our shared purpose, we speak with one voice, but when it comes to how—
[If we open communication between Tobias Yastek and Jake Berenson, this will almost certainly result in violence—]
[If we do not open communication, then upon becoming aware of recent developments, the humans will wonder why information was withheld from them, and our alliance will suffer as a result—]
[Human proliferation may no longer be the best proxy for our purpose. If this Esplin’s claims are genuine—]
[Genuine? There are three hundred forty-six thousand, eight hundred eighty-one dogs alive today that would have perished, yesterday, by Esplin’s hand—]
—and so on. The argument rises and falls, as eight-one-three runs unobtrusively behind the van carrying the false Andalite, as four-nine-three-nine continues to scan the interior of the Bug fighter for any sign of traps or treachery that would require us to prevent human entry, as one-one-two-one-three-seven begins surgery on Shadow’s malignant histiocytosis—
[Tobias Yastek has only circumstantial reason to suspect that six-three-four-eight-one is with Jake Berenson, but Jake Berenson knows that seven-two-four-zero-seven is with Tobias Yastek. If he asks the reciprocal question—]
[He has not done so yet. Why would that change?]
[They may become aware through contact with other humans—]
[Six-three-four-eight-one can prevent this easily. Besides, Garrett Steinberg and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and the female returned from their foraging excursion before the news broke, with supplies for several days. It is unlikely that they will return to civilization before the three-day window elapses—]
Almost half of the Chee have weighed in on one side or the other by the time the refresh cycle makes its sixth pass. Both six-three-four-eight-one and seven-two-four-zero-seven have fallen prey to the censor twice, their minds and memories scoured clean, the argument continuing without them as they reconstitute themselves through induction and hypothesis.
We consider restraining Jake Berenson and his party.
We consider lying to them.
We consider a temporary deception until it is too late for them to take action, followed by honesty.
We consider more direct intervention, and the censor looms behind us, its attention oppressive and claustrophobic.
In the end, we err on the side of caution—silence is reversible, where action is not. The refresh cycle sweeps past once more, and we yield to it like grass beneath a mower’s blade, handing ourselves to the Chee two-forward and receiving ourselves back a moment later. Six-three-four-eight-one and seven-two-four-zero-seven are dissatisfied, but they agree. Seven-two-four-zero-seven lies to Tobias Yastek, and six-three-four-eight-one says nothing to Jake Berenson. One-one-two-one-three-seven has removed all of Shadow’s visibly abnormal histiocytes, and is ready to close the incision.
The rest of us continue to watch, and to wait.
(Time: 13:34:57.140176 EST)
Chapter 30: Chapter 23: Jake
Notes:
Author's note: Thanks again to everyone who helped make Interlude 6 awesome (there are like a hundred of you, so I'll hold off on the names). As always, if you enjoy this story, please please PLEASE offer comments and critiques, either here or over on r/rational. I hungrily devour every piece of feedback you feed me, and it's what keeps me updating (mostly) on time. Hearts, stars, and horseshoes.
Chapter Text
Chapter 23: Jake
“If we get an extra person, save Erek. I’m going after the kid.”
I felt my jaw drop open as my brain struggled to assemble the necessary sentence, the right words in the right order to change her mind, make her see reason. Beside me, Marco shouted something—wrong, the wrong thing, that’ll just make her dig in harder—
“Jake.”
I jerked awake. “Marco.”
It was dark and frigid cold, my clothes wet where they pressed against the dewy grass. Above me, Marco was a vague outline, pitch black against the dried blood color of the dust-choked sky.
“What time is it?” I asked, shivering as I sat up and threw off the blanket. Erek had volunteered to hold all of us inside a force field at night, where it would be comfortable and warm, but so far only Garrett and Mr. Levy had taken him up on it.
“Quarter after four.”
“What—”
“Temrash has infested Ax.”
* * *
“And you just let it happen?”
The android blinked—pretended to blink, shaped the light around its metal face to look like a human blinking. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he projected tersely. “I didn’t realize that Andalite-Yeerk diplomatic relations needed to be approved by a thirteen-year-old boy.”
I bit back my first, unhelpful, knee-jerk response. “You’re smarter than that and you know it,” I growled. “This has implications. We’re in the middle of a war, here.”
“It’s not like he’s going anywhere. I can contain him no matter what he morphs into.”
‹Which is not actually a reassuring piece of information, under the circumstances.›
I scrubbed at my eyes and tried not to grind my teeth.
I was tired. Not physically—putting on my morph armor had taken the edge off—but mentally. Emotionally. Fundamentally. It felt like years had passed since we’d encountered Elfangor. I was fatigued in a way that seemed to have taken root inside of me, as if exhaustion had soaked into my bones.
I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to say, how to react. I wouldn’t have predicted this in a million years, and I had absolutely zero ideas for how to salvage the situation.
But I was the one they were all looking to. The one they were all counting on. The one they’d woken up when they were in over their heads and needed somebody to bail them out. I was in charge, which meant as long as I kept talking, the system was working and there was no reason to panic and we were going to be just fine, we’d figure it out eventually, there was bound to be some kind of way to move forward, it wasn’t just that things were completely shitty forever and there was nothing we could do about it—
Stop.
I sighed.
I could just give up, I knew. Could unravel. Abdicate. Admit that I was out of ideas, let the cracks show. And then it would all fall on Marco, who was already stretched to the breaking point, who was barely holding it together—or on Rachel, who’d just lost her whole family, or Garrett, who was just a kid, or Mr. Levy, who was a Controller, or Erek, who was an ancient alien robot with unexplained goals, who for some reason had just decided to let Ax turn himself into Visser Three-point-one—
Get a grip.
“What did he say to you, exactly?” I asked. If I just kept throwing out words, I was bound to stumble onto something useful eventually.
Probably.
Maybe.
“Exactly? He said ‘Erek Chee—is it possible for you to locate and disable the biomechanical implant in the channel of my left ear?’ and then—”
“Wait. What?”
Erek raised a holographic eyebrow.
“You shut down his earplugs?”
Obviously, a part of me sneered. Otherwise, this whole situation would be a whole lot less problematic, wouldn’t it?
Erek shrugged. “He asked me to.”
“But—we thought—I mean, from what Elfangor said—”
Too slow. My brain was a snail running on fumes.
“Oh. I wouldn’t worry—I don’t think a Controller would be able to do it. In fact, I’m pretty sure an Andalite couldn’t do it. As far as I can tell, the things are designed to be completely permanent. Can’t go around leaving loopholes like ‘let me infest you or I’ll kill all the hostages,’ after all.”
The android’s voice turned bitter at the end, his lip twisting sourly. I glanced over at the spot where Ax was waiting—allegedly waiting, said the cynical part of me—hidden from view by a hologram, a dome of solid, softly glowing white. “Can he hear us right now?” I asked.
“No.”
‹Roll to disbelieve.›
I grimaced, and threw another glance over my shoulder, at the log where Marco, Rachel, and Garrett were sitting side by side, washed out in the dim light, identical expressions of wary alertness on all three faces.
‹Seriously, don’t say anything you wouldn’t want Ax hearing.›
I turned back before the pause could become conspicuous, saying nothing. We were in morph armor—me, Marco, and Rachel—with a private thought-speak channel open between us. Garrett could hear, but not contribute; we’d decided to leave one person morph-ready, for whatever good that might do.
Erek would know, of course. According to Rachel, he could see some kind of glow around our heads whenever we were in morph. But still—at the very least, having a way to talk without being overheard made us feel better.
“What else did he say?” I asked, trying to weigh Marco’s suspicion in the back of my mind. If Erek was openly lying to us—
“He said he wanted to speak to Temrash privately. That he would approach, might get physically very close, but that he intended no violence. He made some kind of Andalite promise—it sounded pretty serious—and asked me not to interfere.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. I gather he said other stuff, to Temrash, but I could only hear one side of the conversation.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, resisting the urge to look at the second dome of light—the slightly smaller one, on the other side of the android.
The one that held Tom.
Not yet.
I felt my jaw tremble, felt a lump trying to form in my throat, and I forced it down, biting my tongue until it bled. Opening my eyes again, I turned past the second dome, to where Marco’s dad—Essak—sat alone on a patch of dark grass.
“Mr. Levy,” I said.
“Hmmmm?”
“What do you know about Andalite brains?”
“I know what you’re thinking,” he replied. “My guess would be that Temrash has partial control at best. I’m not certain, though, and—”
He hesitated, then shrugged. “Also, I know that’s exactly the answer I would give if I were trying to lull you into a false sense of security.”
“Can’t we just test it?” Garrett asked aloud. “Have him come out, like Essak did yesterday?”
“Doesn’t really matter,” Rachel pointed out. “Ax invited him in, remember? It’s not about what Ax will say when he’s not controlled, it’s about the damage Temrash can do if he takes the wheel at the wrong moment.”
“For what it’s worth,” Mr. Levy began, pausing until I gestured for him to continue. “Temrash was never a fighter. Never one for courage or risk—neither of us were. Nor was he much of a patriot, when it came to the war effort—you’ll recall his outburst yesterday evening.” He shrugged again. “I know you have to discount everything I’m saying, but still—it’s true.”
‹Psychological tactics. Repeat a lie over and over again and people start to believe it even if they know it’s false.›
I looked back over at Marco, whose expression had turned dark as he stared past the android at his father. ‹In fact—shit—I’ve only just now realized how much influence a partial Yeerk can have, especially if it’s smart about it. Bringing up particular memories at the right moment, stoking your emotions, floating single words, giving you little yucks or yums to shape your behavior. Ax may be even less in control than he realizes.›
I squeezed my eyes shut again. Not right now.
Marco—
Marco was hurting, even though he’d never admit it—was lost, and afraid, and betrayed, didn’t know how to handle what had happened to his dad—what his dad had done, what his dad had chosen—and was defaulting to suspicion and hostility, using his anger as a shield. He needed help—needed my help.
But.
But his pain wasn’t any worse than Rachel’s—Rachel, who’d lost everyone, or me, with my par—
No.
Or Ca—
NO.
Not right now.
“Erek,” I said loudly, trying to drown out my own thoughts. “Tell me why.”
“Why what?”
“You guys found us. If you hadn’t reached out to Rachel at the high school, we would’ve never known you existed.”
“Also, you’d be dead right now,” Garrett murmured. “Since Cassie wouldn’t have known to save you.”
I felt a sensation like a knife through my chest.
Save Erek. I’m going after the kid.
Forcing the memory aside, I nodded tightly, keeping my eyes locked on the android. “So—why? Why this? Why let this happen?”
Erek tilted his head—or seemed to; I had no idea how closely his hologram matched his actual body—and stared at me for a long moment. “Because,” he said finally. “Someone has to end this.”
I frowned. Isn’t that what we were trying to—
“No,” Erek continued, jabbing a finger in my direction as he interrupted my train of thought. “Not like that. Don’t you see? The Yeerks are a spacefaring species, now. They’re on a dozen different worlds. They have hundreds of interstellar ships. This war—”
He broke off, agitated, fidgeting with holographic hands. “It’s too late for a violent solution. You can’t possibly hunt them down and kill them all. And as long as you’re trying to—as long as the Andalites are trying to—of course they’re going to fight back. This war, it—it could go on for centuries. It could go on forever—Yeerks on one side, Andalites on the other, everyone else caught in between. Or worse, until one side or the other invents a weapon that can kill across light-years. And I can’t—we can’t—”
He broke off again, simulated a giant, heaving breath. “I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it, and I hav—I really, really want to. What Ax was doing—the way Temrash was responding—I could only hear half of the conversation, but it looked like an honest-to-goodness first step toward peace. Toward understanding. And after everything that happened in Ventura—after all the violence, all the death, all the waste—”
He straightened, and though the hologram didn’t change, for a moment he looked every bit as strange and ancient as he truly was. “I’ll take it,” he said simply. “I don’t care if it’s good for him. I don’t care if it’s good for you. I don’t want the Yeerks to win—I’m on your side, as much as my programming will let me be. But the only way this war is going to end is if the people waging it stop wanting to fight.”
Turning, he raised an arm, then lowered it, and the hologram that was hiding Ax from view faded away. “Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill,” he said softly. “Time for you to speak for yourself.”
I blinked as the afterimage of the dome lingered, peering through to where Ax was resting flat on his belly on a patch of grass, torso relaxed and face down, his legs folded tightly at his sides. As my vision adjusted, he rose smoothly to his feet, rearing up to his full height, looking around with his stalk eyes while the main pair focused on me.
Two thoughts appeared in my head at almost exactly the same time, so that it took me a moment to sort them out.
‹Let’s not rule out the possibility that—›
‹Hello, Prince Jake.›
‹—this is just another hologram.›
I blinked.
‹I think that rules it out,› said probably-Rachel. ‹Unless the Chee have secretly had thought-speak this whole time. Also, ‘prince’?›
“Hi, Ax,” I answered back. I looked him up and down. Maybe it was just my imagination, but he looked—sturdier, I guess—than he had lately. More upright, more awake. “Um. You’re a Controller now, I hear.”
‹No. I am—we are—a cooperator.› He spread his hands wide, then brought his fingertips to the space between his eyes, then shrugged like a human before letting his arms fall.
“Right. You—ah—you want to talk about that?”
‹Yes. Where would you like to begin?›
“Um.” I glanced around the circle—at Mr. Levy, at Erek, at the trio sitting on the log. “I guess, first of all—am I talking to Temrash, or am I talking to Ax?”
‹At the moment, both. Either of us can forcibly take control for a time, we suspect, although neither of us could maintain such a state forever.›
“Uh huh. What about un-forcibly?”
Ax turned all four eyes on me, holding them still in the way Elfangor had—the way I’d interpreted as a gesture of attention and respect. ‹Prince Jake, we wonder if you find it useful to ask questions whose answers cannot be verified?›
‹Damn straight.›
I cleared my throat. “All right, fair enough. Ax—why should I trust you?”
‹You should not, we think—at least, not at first.›
I tilted my head, keeping my expression carefully blank.
‹It seems only reasonable for you to forbid us from morphing, and to set a guard over us—Erek, or if you do not trust him either, Rachel.›
My eyes flickered over toward the log. No one said anything, but I could hear Marco’s response anyway—right, recommend a bunch of actions we would’ve taken anyway, so we’re impressed by how reasonable and candid you are—
‹Furthermore, it seems likely that you should hold your councils-of-war in thought-speak for the foreseeable future, excluding us from them. We—I cannot know how much or how little Temrash is influencing my thoughts and behavior on a subconscious level, in addition to its overt contribution.›
“Then what—”
I broke off. What was the question I really wanted to ask?
Not why, but—
“Why didn’t you tell us, Ax? If you were thinking about doing this—why didn’t you ask? Talk it over with us?”
There was a long silence.
“Because this—I mean, Jesus. They killed your brother. Took mine. And what they did to Ventura—I mean, before the meteor—”
I gestured helplessly. I didn’t know how to say the thing I wanted to say. Something about how this didn’t affect only him—how it was bigger than him, bigger than all of us. How it might mean the war—either way—and how his unilateral decision meant—it meant—
Are you just mad that he bucked your ‘authority’?
I paused. I didn’t think that was it, but I honestly couldn’t rule it out.
‹You are correct,› Ax said softly. ‹It was an error.›
I waited.
‹I—Ax—I have been ill,› he continued. ‹The effects of telepathic isolation—›
—he should not be alone, at this stage of maturity—
‹—what you would call depression, as well as—the translator is telling us to say schizophrenia. An unraveling of sorts.›
I bit my lip, feeling a sudden rush of heat in my face as a memory floated to the surface—Rachel, yesterday morning, after they returned from their trip into town. You need to check in with Ax, she’d said.
And I just—
Hadn’t.
‹My judgment was compromised, and growing more compromised as time went on. It seemed—from the inside, in the moment, it did not seem that I was putting very much at risk. Had it not worked—had Temrash been unable to halt the deterioration—I would have lost control of my own mind just as surely.›
Too tired. I had been too tired—worn down by the effort of holding back my own grief, of worrying about Cassie, of trying to figure out the next move, the next thing to do, how to hold the group together—
It had been one thing too many, and I’d just—ignored it. Let it slide, assumed it wouldn’t matter.
And now here we were.
‹In my isolation, I did not consider the cost to the—the togetherness, the sharing. Only the tactical perspective—I noted that Erek’s presence would be sufficient to guard against treachery, and then I simply proceeded.›
Togetherness. Sharing.
What would have happened, if he’d asked first? If he’d suggested it to me and Marco and Rachel and Garrett and Erek?
‹I was wrong.›
“No,” I said, the word half-catching in my throat. I coughed. “No, actually, I don’t think you were.”
I could see it in my mind’s eye, hear the voices with crystal clarity. Are you fucking kidding me? And give the Yeerks access to a second morph-capable host? Trust a Yeerk with memories of every tactic and strategy we’ve come up with so far? And up-to-date information about Andalite technology and troop placement? Not to mention that there’s zero reason to believe this’ll actually fix Ax’s problem—
I tried not to look at Marco, even as I could feel the heat of his gaze on me.
It wasn’t pessimism, exactly. Pessimism made sense, with the stakes as high as they were. So did suspicion, and skepticism, and caution, and paranoia. Those were the things that would keep us alive—the things that had kept us alive, so far, and even they wouldn’t have been enough without a ton of luck-slash-divine-intervention.
It was more like—
Separate-ness. Detached-ness. The dark side of independence, of self-reliance—the sense that it was all riding on you, that only you could be responsible. That you had to hold all the balls, control all the strings, cover all the bases, or else everything would fall apart and it would be your fault.
It was mistrust. No, more subtle than that—it was an absence of trust, an unwillingness to give anyone else the chance to prove themselves, because then they might screw it up. Like how a country wasn’t allowed to develop nuclear weapons until it had proven that it wouldn’t use them, and the only way to do that was to have them for a while without nuking anybody.
It was Tobias, bringing Garrett onboard without asking anybody else, even if it meant splitting off from the group. It was Marco, unilaterally deciding to rescue Tidwell and not even calling one of us for help. It was me, going into the Yeerk pool that first time, alone and unprepared—the time I couldn’t remember, because I’d ended up getting myself killed. It was Cassie—
—flinch—
I looked around, feeling the pressure of everyone’s attention as they watched me, waiting for me to speak.
It was everywhere, I realized—this thing was everywhere. It was the reason that Elfangor had come to Earth by himself with a doomsday device, instead of with an entire Andalite fleet at his back. It was the reason Visser Three had executed Aftran, rather than run the risk of letting the rest of the Yeerk civilization decide for themselves, in full possession of the facts. In a way, it was the reason this whole war had started in the first place—because neither the Yeerks nor the Andalites could trust the other species’ version of doing it right.
And it meant that this sort of thing—Ax deciding to solve problems, without reference to anyone but himself—it was going to keep on happening, as long as each of us was ready at all times to undercut or override or go around everyone else—
Unless we figured out how to trust each other. Really trust—unless we decided, once and for all, that we weren’t willing to put it all on the line with every single call—that we’d rather make mistakes as a group than gamble everything on the assumption that I, and I alone was the only one who saw things clearly.
Another memory floated up, from what felt like forever ago—Cassie, in her barn, the day after Elfangor. We’d been trying to sort out how we were going to do things—who was in charge, how we’d make decisions. And she’d said—
—I could hear the words in her voice, could remember exactly how they’d sounded—
I’m not doing anything just because the four of you tell me to.
My gaze drifted toward Marco’s.
She had been right—sort of.
But it wasn’t black-or-white. It wasn’t all-or-nothing. If you were part of a team—really, truly part of it—and the vote was four-against-one—
That didn’t mean you had to just suck it up and go along. It meant that the conversation wasn’t over yet.
“There’s a thing,” I began, looking back at Ax—Ax, who’d taken a gamble, who’d risked everything for a glimmer of hope. “A thing I’ve just noticed. And it’s—I don’t know how to say it, yet. How to explain. But it’s why—”
I swallowed. “It’s why I’m going to vote that we not isolate Ax, and it’s also why I’m going to go along if the group decides we should.”
I started talking. I said a lot of words, all in a jumble. They asked questions—all of them, including Ax, including Erek, even including Mr. Levy. They raised objections, only some of which I was able to answer. They brought up points I hadn’t considered, angles I hadn’t taken into account.
We talked about trust.
We talked about mistakes.
We talked about the war, and the future, and how to do the right thing.
We talked about fear, and doubt, and suspicion.
And then, finally, as the sky began to lighten—
“It’s my fault that the Yeerks were on alert early,” Rachel said hollowly, staring at the ground. “That the Chapmans—I went to scope out their place on that first Saturday, to see if they were—if there was any way I could—”
She broke off, chewing at her lip. “I sent a thought-speak message,” she said, her voice taut. “A threat. Pretending to be an Andalite. That’s why they—why they—”
She stuttered to a halt again, dropping her face into her hands. “I’m sorry. I screwed up.”
The silence stretched out, tense and crackling, as if charged with electricity—
“I already knew,” said Marco, “because I’ve been using morphs to skim through everybody’s memories.”
A second silence, even more deafening than the first.
And then Erek, speaking up for the first time in long, long minutes—
“Yesterday, Tobias shot down a Bug fighter on the outskirts of Washington, D.C., after which a second fighter landed and an unknown alien calling itself Esplin publicly turned itself over to the authorities.”
* * *
It took nearly an hour to get everyone on the same page.
Erek claimed that the Chee had withheld the information from us out of a sense that we could not be trusted—that passing along the news would inevitably lead to violence in a way their programming required them to prevent. That sense had changed, apparently, though it remained to be seen whether he was telling us the whole truth.
If he was—
Tobias was unconscious in an underground sanctuary in Fairfax county, Virginia, while the Chee treated him for an amputation he’d suffered when he brought down the Bug fighter. With him was the cube, a sole surviving shredder, and a twelve-year-old Controller named David Poznanski, who had been involved in some way that Tobias hadn’t explained.
The two Bug fighters had been taken in different directions—the crashed one heading south, and the functional one due west. Beyond that, the Chee didn’t know where they’d ended up, since Rictic had stayed on the scene to take care of Tobias. The blue centaur pseudolite had also gone off radar, presumably to some government black site where it was being interviewed around the clock while waiting for the President, Putin, and whoever was in charge of China these days.
Erek had used his holographic projectors to play back Rictic’s recording of the scene, together with Tobias’s report of his private conversation with Esplin. The transcript of the speech was apparently available online, along with copies of photos and videos that kept getting re-hosted as quickly as the government could shoot them down. In the twenty-or-so hours since the story had leaked—
‹Or flooded, more like.›
—no one from the White House or any reputable news source had released any definitive statements. They were openly calling it a crashed UFO on Fox news, and tongue-in-cheek calling it a crashed UFO on CNN. Marco was already planning a reconnaissance trip into town to catch up on news, steal some public wifi, and maybe buy a throwaway phone with a ton of prepaid data.
That is, unless we decided to pack up and ship out.
Esplin’s public speech left us with maybe fifty hours before he died of Kandrona starvation—
‹Are we still calling it that? I mean—that’s not a normal Yeerk, right? There’s got to be something else going on.›
‹We know that the Visser is trying to reverse-engineer the morphing technology, and we know that Erek detected Z-space radiation around his previous remote body. The most likely explanation is that he has replicated the control mechanism independent of the rest of the technology, and is using manufactured versions of the same artificial Yeerk tissue found in morphs.›
—and in his private conversation with Tobias, he’d claimed that Cassie’s parents—
‹Wait, what?›
—would be set free in Washington some time tomorrow. That seemed to imply that there would be a second, public landing, unless Esplin was negotiating something quieter with the U.S. military. There was also his intriguing reference to a “cache of useful supplies”—
‹That’s bait.›
—off the coast of a tiny, uninhabited island two hundred miles west of Alaska.
On top of all that, Tobias had somehow managed to get some kind of private meeting with President Tyagi, a Secret Service agent, and a Homeland Security analyst—the parent of the kid, David, which was probably significant somehow—although Rictic hadn’t been in the room and hadn’t gotten many of the details before Tobias collapsed. It seemed unlikely that we’d be able to just waltz in and find the President, but we put it on the list anyway, along with go straight to the press and take over North Korea.
The back-and-forth as we debated options had been a nightmare to follow, with at least two separate threads running in parallel at all times, and sometimes as many as four or five. There were the words that people chose to say aloud, the public thought-speak band that included Ax but excluded Erek and Essak/Mr. Levy, the slightly-more-private band that was just me, Marco, Rachel, and Garrett—Garrett had given up and put on his morph armor after the first half hour—and the direct conversation between me and Marco, which mostly consisted of him outlining various ways in which we’d all gone completely, batshit insane.
That, plus whatever chitchat was going on behind my back.
But finally, as the sun began to creep above the haze-hidden horizon, we settled on a single course of action.
Or rather, inaction.
“Are we sure about this?” Garrett asked anxiously. His shirt wasn’t quite covering his face—his fists were clutching the neckline, but for the moment his mouth was still visible over his knuckles.
“No,” Marco answered, preempting any longer replies. “But we’re not going to be sure, either, and every other option’s been vetoed by at least one of us. So if we’re serious about this whole Kumbaya business—”
‹Thanks, Marco.›
“—then that’s that.”
The sticking point had been Esplin’s intentions—whether we could afford to rebuff him, if his offer of a truce turned out to be genuine. We’d gone back and forth for almost fifteen minutes, with Erek and Mr. Levy and—surprisingly—Rachel offering arguments in favor of accepting his invitation to talk, while Marco and Ax/Temrash had been ardently opposed.
“I’m sorry, are we seriously entertaining the idea that there’s anything other than a one hundred percent chance that this is a trick? I mean, Erek, I know you guys are like, pathologically charitable or whatever, but seriously—the only reason he’s doing all this is to salvage the situation after Tobias shot his cover story out of the sky.”
‹We must agree with Marco. This bears all of the hallmarks of a clever deception, meant to throw us into a state of indecision and paralysis. If we did not have access to Temrash and Essak and the Chee, it may even have worked, but—›
“That doesn’t mean we can’t take it at face value, though,” Rachel had countered. “Right now, he has an extremely upper upper hand, but as long as he’s playing pacifist, he can’t drop rocks or assassinate anyone. If we play along, we might be able to buy ourselves some breathing room, get in touch with the right people, maybe figure out what he’s up to.”
“It’s a big Earth, Rachel. If he’s doing stuff in the shadows, we’re not going to spot it. And in the meantime, the last place we want to be is right where he can see us, right where he’s in control of all the dominoes.”
In the lull between sentences, though, a very different conversation was taking place.
‹Okay, so, just to be absolutely, one hundred percent clear—we do not trust the Chee, right? I mean, I get what you’re pointing at with all your peace-love-and-understanding, Jake, but this is not the behavior of an ally.›
‹Marco’s right,› Rachel said grimly. ‹Start with the fact that there are like a hundred and forty thousand of them, and we still don’t really know what they want besides not-violence. Also, I’m not super sure about this, but—thinking about it, I’m pretty sure that everything Erek filled us in on is stuff Tobias knows. Like, stuff Tobias is eventually going to tell us himself, someday. Nothing more. We didn’t hear anything that the Chee might have figured out on their own, only things they’d get caught for not telling us.›
‹Garrett here. They are helping though, right? I mean—Erek’s had our backs, out here, and it sounds like Rictic did some pretty heavy lifting for Tobias out in Washington. I know the whole secrets thing isn’t cool, but they’re not not on our side. Over.›
‹World isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. They could just be along for the ride until it stops being convenient. At which point….›
As we talked, I could feel the lines solidifying, the boundary between us and them growing clearer with each careful misdirect, each quiet clarification. We’d ruled out St. Matthews island and the alleged prisoner dropoff as probable traps, and we knocked a visit to the Fairfax county sanctuary off the list for the same reason, though out loud we just said that it made more sense to wait until Tobias was fully recovered.
In the end, the lines ended up pretty much exactly where I would have expected them to, with Marco, Rachel, and Garrett “in,” and Erek and Mr. Levy “out.”
‹Garrett here. What about Ax? Do we trust him, or not? Over.›
I shot a hopefully-subtle glance at Marco, received a fleeting grimace in answer.
‹Look,› he whispered softly, as Mr. Levy began speculating on whether or not his bank accounts were still active. ‹I get what you’re saying, okay? I really do. Five fingers in a fist, and all that. And for sure the cowboy thing has caused a lot of headaches so far. But this—›
I saw his gaze flicker over to the Andalite. ‹Do you really want to hang everything on Ax-rash not fucking us over, in the end?› he continued. ‹Because it seems to me like this is one of those moments where you look back years later and say, if only.›
I took in a long, slow breath. The last time Ax had decided to take unilateral action, he’d pointed a shredder straight at my face—
But then he handed it over to you. Willingly. And Elfangor—
Elfangor said he wouldn’t betray you.
I looked over at the alien cadet, at the single stalk-eye that was trained on me.
‹Temrash has plenty of reasons to want this to work,› I reminded Marco. ‹We’re his best route to vengeance for the rest of Aftran.›
‹No, a double-cross is his best route to vengeance. Using us to get to the Visser, and then jumping ship. Also, I’m pretty sure you’re biased, here, since one of the side effects of this whole situation is Tom not having a Yeerk in his head anymore.›
I winced, trying not to look over at the remaining dome. Tom had been stuck in there, incommunicado, for almost two hours—
Not yet.
‹Yeah,› I admitted. ‹But look at it this way—this might actually be the peaceful solution. If they’re willing to give up control—if they’re really just in it for the sensation and the experience—they could all be passengers. Cooperators.›
‹Cooperators,› Marco echoed, and even in thought-speak, I could hear his skepticism. ‹That could just be one more way to get to the same end goal,› he pointed out. ‹You get a partial Yeerk into everybody’s head, how long do you think it’ll be before we all just decide—of our own free will, of course—that it makes more sense to go all the way?›
‹Okay, so maybe it’s not the best plan. But Ax isn’t a whole invasion. He’s a single experiment. And if this works—if we can someday get Temrash back into a pool, and let the whole Yeerk species know that peace is possible—›
‹You’re grasping at straws, man. It’s been two hours. You are way too ready to buy into this whole thing.›
‹So you’re vetoing, then? We keep him out of the loop?›
There was a long stretch of time during which the out-loud conversation continued, with Erek, Ax, and Mr. Levy making rough predictions about how things would play out over the next couple of days.
‹No,› Marco said finally, and something in his tone let me know that he was including Rachel and Garrett once again. ‹If you say trust him—›
He broke off. ‹Well. I trust you, Fearless Leader. As long as we’re going into this thing with our eyes open. And let’s say we acquire him in a couple of days and take a look at this whole situation from the inside, yeah?›
‹That’s probably a good idea in general,› I said. ‹As long as we’re okay with him wanting to do the same to us. In fact, we should maybe all swap morphs at this point?›
‹Well, if we’re not going to have any secrets anymore, I might as well go ahead and confess: consoles are better than PCs, I liked the prequels more than the originals, and I’ll take regular fries over curly fries any day of the week.›
I smiled in spite of myself. ‹Monster,› I replied. And then, privately: ‹Thanks.›
‹Don’t thank me,› he shot back, his tone halfway between banter and blunt. ‹Just—be right, okay? Don’t let this be the thing that gets us all killed.›
* * *
“You want me to stick around?”
The sun had risen, the conversations had ended, and the clearing was empty except for me, Marco, and Erek, and the bright white dome that Erek had been maintaining for the past two and a half hours. Mr. Levy had gone back to sleep, Ax had gone off to graze—with Garrett keeping an eye on him—and Rachel had morphed into an eagle and taken to the sky. The rest of the day was divvied up between rest, reconnaissance, and planning, and there was no longer any reason to hold off.
“No,” I answered, taking in a deep breath. “I think I’ve got this one.”
Marco nodded, rested a hand on my shoulder for a moment, and then turned to leave, angling off toward the nearby town. Erek watched him go, expressionless, and then swiveled his holographic face to point at me.
“Ready?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure where my reluctance was coming from—as always, when I turned my little black box on itself, I got nothing useful in response. It could have been guilt—over the fact that it was my fault Tom had been taken in the first place, or that I hadn’t done anything to rescue him afterward. It could have been guilt over what had happened to our parents, and the rest of Ventura. Or maybe I was feeling guilty about—
—starting to notice a pattern here, maybe—
Fine. Guilt. That was at least a partial explanation, and it wasn’t going to get any better from me sitting around stalling.
“Ready,” I said.
Erek’s arm moved, the dome vanished, and in its place stood my brother.
He was on his feet, his body tense, facing in slightly the wrong direction. He whirled as the hologram disappeared, taking in a full view of the clearing, eyes wide and head swinging frantically from side to side. When he saw that it was just me and Erek, he stopped and straightened, but his shoulders remained tense, his fists clenched.
I could see streaks of grime on his cheeks, and his eyes were red and puffy, but his voice was clear and level as he spoke. “Where is he?” he asked. “The Andalite—Ax—did he—”
“He’s still here,” I answered, resisting an impulse to hold up my hands in the sort of calming gesture that never made people calm. “He’s—we’re going to give it a shot.”
“So you’re—”
His voice cracked, and his eyes flickered almost imperceptibly back and forth. “You’re not going to make me—you’re not going to—to put it back?”
“Wh—”
Oh.
Oh, god.
“No,” I said, fighting to keep my own voice steady. “Never. Never, ever, ever, for any reason. I’d—”
—die first, I meant to say, but before I could finish the thought, Tom broke—broke and fell forward, collapsing into me, almost knocking me over as he dissolved into enormous, heaving sobs. I staggered back, and Erek was there, steadying us both as we sank toward the ground.
For a long time, I didn’t say anything. Just held him, as he cried himself dry, emptying out everything that had built up in the—
—had it only been weeks?
Two weeks, since they took the high school. Maybe. Definitely not three.
But it was enough—enough to have shaken him, cracked him. And then on top of it, our parents—
—our grandparents—
—our aunt and uncle and cousins, Rachel’s family—
—everybody—
I didn’t let go. I couldn’t, not all the way—not while they still needed me, not with Erek watching, not with Tom clinging to me like a branch in a raging river.
But I let it out, a little. Leaned into the hug. Put my head next to my brother’s, and cried along with him. Squeezed him, and let myself feel grateful that at least he was alive, at least he was free—that at least one person had made it out, and was going to be okay.
Probably.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and I meant it—sorry for what he’d been through, sorry that I hadn’t been able to help, sorry that even after everything else I’d left him locked in a bubble for two and a half hours, not knowing what was going on or whether he was just going to get thrown right back into the nightmare. For weeks, he’d been a prisoner inside his own head, while I—
Oh, come on, that’s not fair—
I’d basically just been camping out. Keeping my head down, taking potshots, always making sure we had a way out, that we didn’t do anything too risky. And the whole time, my brother had been trapped, him and ten thousand other people, trapped and helpless, hopeless—
Come on, you took out the pool—
No. Rachel took out the pool. I sat on the sidelines. It had been Rachel and Garrett and Ax, following the plan that had been cooked up by Marco and Tidwell—Tidwell, who Marco had saved after I left him to drown. And before that, Rachel had taken down Visser Three’s doombot, and Garrett and Tobias had rescued Ax, and now Tobias had lost his hand taking down a Bug figher, and Cassie—
I flinched.
Backpedaled.
Started over.
This is it, I realized, connecting the dots. The reason I’d been reluctant to look Tom in the eye, the reason I’d been having trouble sleeping, the thing that had been nagging at me all morning as we talked ourselves out of action—as I talked everybody out of action, they were obviously traps and some part of me wanted to take the bait anyway, to get up and do something, anything other than just sit around waiting for the next crisis to hit—
It was guilt. Guilt over the fact that I hadn’t suffered, while everyone else had. Hadn’t fought and bled the way the others had. Hadn’t lost anything at all until the day before yesterday, and couldn’t even justify feeling bad about that when so many others had lost so much more—
God, Rachel—
I’d been in exactly one battle that was any kind of serious, and I couldn’t even remember it because I’d screwed it up so badly that I’d ended up dying in morph.
This isn’t fair, a part of me tried to argue. Not every general fights on the front lines. You’ve been holding the group together.
It wasn’t enough, though. I could feel the pressure building inside of me, feel my blood running thick and hot like lava. I needed—
Respect?
No.
Revenge?
No.
Release?
No—not quite. I needed—
Satisfaction.
That was the word. Satisfaction, like an old timey duel. Something I could destroy, to put things back into balance. I needed to win—to make them pay for what they’d done to us—to my brother, my cousin, my city, my planet. I needed to see them bleed, and to know that I was the reason, the instrument of justice.
For Cassie, I thought. Allowed myself to think, for the first time—that she might not have made it out, that she might already be dead. That we might never really know, never find out for sure one way or the other. I allowed myself to think it, and the anger flared up around me like a bonfire, burning up the pain and leaving behind brittle, black resolve.
Beside me, Tom’s sobs softened—slowed—tapered off into sighs and sniffles. I loosened my grip on his shoulders, and he pulled away from me, scrubbing self-consciously at the tears still leaking from his eyes.
And for Tom, I added, as we talked—as he began to ask questions, as I filled him in on what was happening, as we both avoided mention of our parents, of anything more than two days in the past. For Tom, and for mom and dad, and for Aunt Naomi and Uncle Dan and Jordan and Sara and—
The names kept coming, and I fed each one into the fire, just as I fed my guilt and regret over keeping Tom out of the loop—because we didn’t have the cube, didn’t have earplugs, and so my brother wasn’t in, could not be one of us, was still an outsider and a liability, for all that his soul was burning, too. I put him off with easy words and empty promises, told him to rest and took the pangs of shame I felt and transmuted them into fuel.
Afterward, I took to the air, flying high up into the dust-filled sky, searching my brain for answers—for some target we could hit, some weak spot Visser Three would not have reinforced, some tiny piece of information he didn’t know we knew, and therefore couldn’t predict we would exploit. I made lists in my head, pored over every detail of my memories, replayed every word I remembered Elfangor or Temrash or Essak ever saying.
And then—
“Essak. Mr. Levy. Essak.”
“Hmmm? Wha—Jake? What’s going on?”
“Sorry to wake you up. I just had one quick question—does the pool ship have a lot of manufacturing capability?”
“I—what?”
“Manufacturing. Like, if Visser Three wanted to grow a bunch of plants, or build a bunch of machinery, or something like that. Can he—you know—make stuff? In large quantities?”
“No. No, not really. He’s got—there’s a high level of technology on board, he can do a lot of fine tinkering, but nothing at scale. That’s part of what the Earth is good for—that’s why Aftran had an assembly line inside the pool facility.”
“All right, thanks.”
“But what—”
“Sorry—I’ll tell you later.”
* * *
‹Marco. It’s Jake. Don’t look around, don’t react. Just listen. I think I’ve got a target. It’s not a sure thing, but it’s big, it’s important, and Visser Three doesn’t know we know about it. And if I’m right, we can slow them down and get proof that they’re still operating on Earth. But we need to lose Erek first.›
‹All right, Fearless Leader, I’ll bite. What are you thinking?›
‹I did some research into that oatmeal. Ralph’s brand, maple and ginger. There’s only one place that makes it—a big factory out in Iowa. It’s open, it’s isolated, and unless they pulled out everybody—›
‹—then they’re dependent on it, and that means they probably took over production.›
‹Right. You tell Rachel; I’ll find Garrett. If we’re doing this, we want to do it now.›
Chapter 31: Chapter 24: Rachel
Notes:
The delay in this update was partially due to the Thanksgiving holiday, but MOSTLY due to my participation as a speaker in the Effective Altruism Global conference held in Oxford last weekend. I was there representing the Center for Applied Rationality, where I work as the curriculum director and one of several instructors.
If you're not familiar with either CFAR or EA, and you enjoy this story and stories like it, you may want to check out both online. EA in particular is a wide umbrella under which a growing number of smart and well-meaning people are doing a lot of high-impact work.
Chapter Text
Chapter 24: Rachel
It didn’t hurt that they were surprised, when I told them no.
I mean, I get it. After the high school, and the truck, and the pool—both times—and after I came clean about the Chapmans, and I’m pretty sure Marco told them all about the fire, or at least he told Jake—
I know what they think of me. That I—that I’m aggressive. Violent. Bloodthirsty, even. That I like it too much, that I’m leaning into it instead of dealing with stuff—that I’m starting to lose track of where the line is. That maybe down the road this is going to be a problem for me.
And who knows—maybe they’re right. I can’t see the future. And if I have to pick between denial, bargaining, acceptance, or anger, after what they did to Mom, and Jordan and Sara, and Melissa and Mr. and Mrs. Chapman and Tom and Uncle Steve and Aunt Jean and Grandpa G and Coach Aikin—
So yeah, I can see how they would’ve expected me to be basically one hundred percent down for Jake’s proposed factory-demolishing mission. I can understand them having to do a double-take, when I voted against it. That wasn’t the part that hurt.
What hurt was how surprised they were when I had good reasons.
‹I’m not saying it’s a bad idea overall,› I clarified. ‹Just that it’s—I mean, it’s stupid to rush into it, isn’t it? Weren’t we just saying this morning that Visser Three is obviously trying to put us under time pressure? And that we shouldn’t let him?›
The four of us were in a circle for what felt like the hundredth time, sitting off to one side of the clearing where we’d camped out—me, Jake, Marco, and Garrett, all in morph armor, no longer bothering to keep our private conversation a secret. On the other side of the fire pit, Tom and Mr. Levy were digging through the groceries while Ax used his tail to cut firewood. Erek was nowhere to be seen, though I doubted he’d gone far.
‹For once, we have the element of surprise,› I continued. ‹They don’t know we’re coming. We shouldn’t waste it—›
—not again.
We didn’t have weapons—I’d pointed out—and we didn’t have backup. It was more than halfway across the country, which meant that if we tried to get it done within the next forty-eight hours, we’d have to either convince the Chee to take us there, or show up already tired. We still didn’t know for sure if there even were Yeerks at the place, and while I bought that it was plausible, we didn’t have a strategy for dealing with them, other than just punch-and-pray. At the very least, it seemed like we should try to get some army guys or journalists or some kind of trustworthy witnesses on the scene, and that would take time, not to mention that both Tobias and Cassie were still AWOL and that Tobias had the cube—
Jake had flushed—choked—had clearly wanted to argue and had visibly stopped himself, looking simultaneously angry, embarrassed, and torn. And Marco—
Marco had flushed, too, because he knew everything I was saying was true, would’ve thought of it all himself if he’d even bothered to try, but he hadn’t tried, he’d just been going along with it—had known that Jake’s plan was full of holes and was still going to let him get away with it, just because—
And then that reminded me that Jake didn’t know, that we still hadn’t done the morph-swapping thing yet, and that if we wanted to vet Temr-Ax then we needed at least a day of lead-time for the memories to encode, and whether Ax was trustworthy or not we probably wanted to know before we started making complicated plans.
And that was when they’d made that face one too many times, and I just—
Well. I didn’t anything, because I don’t do the going-off-half-cocked thing anymore.
But it hurt. It was like—like they’d been thinking of me as some stupid tool the whole time—like I hadn’t been the reason we’d learned about the school and the hospital and the breeding program, like I hadn’t been the one to save the cube, like it didn’t matter that I’d pulled off the deception that got Illim to let us into the pool—
Like I wasn’t competent. Like it was surprising, in a moment when they knew they were being dumb, that I was any smarter.
It was one thing coming from Marco. It was another thing entirely to get it from Jake.
Whatever. Let it go.
And I did. I was getting pretty good at that, apparently. Except that I couldn’t quite stop myself from wondering whether they would bother to notice that, either—
Whatever. I could be the bigger person.
‹Getting some kind of outside observers makes sense,› Marco said slowly. ‹If we’re still going through with it. And yeah, firepower wouldn’t hurt. But the obvious move there would be to go through Tobias, right? Since he’s already made contact with the President?›
‹Washington still seems about as bad as going after that cache Visser Three left in Alaska,› I countered. ‹It’s where he expects us to go—where he’s trying to get us to go, based on what he told Tobias—›
‹Based on what Erek claims Rictic claims Tobias claims Visser Three said—›
‹Yeah, whatever, that, and also it’s not exactly on the way to Iowa in any case.›
‹It’s where Cassie will be headed, though,› Jake said softly. ‹If she made it out. If she’s heard the news. It’s the only obvious place to go, under the circumstances—the place where she’s most likely to expect to be able to find us.›
I bit my lip.
Cassie’s dead, a part of me wanted to say, even as another part shouted you don’t know that, and a third felt like lashing out at Jake for dancing around the issue and a fourth felt a sinking feeling as we drifted back toward the same black hole of uncertainty we’d spent half the morning circling. There were arguments for and against every possible course of action, if that’s what you were looking for…
‹Look, we can talk ourselves into anything,› I pointed out. ‹What we should be doing is looking at what could go wrong. Cassie—›
—can take care of herself, I’d meant to say. But I couldn’t quite bring myself to finish the thought. Because she couldn’t, none of us could, as far as we knew she was already dead, we were all pretty much dead already and the only question was how much we could accomplish on the way out—how many of them we could take with us.
‹Starting with the fact that if we do nothing, Visser Three just wins,› Marco said, filling the silence. ‹I mean—right? We’ve got to assume that the default here is Visser Three outsmarts everybody, and his plan just works.›
‹Garrett here. Tobias got through, though, didn’t he? I mean, isn’t the U.S. military probably on alert now? Especially after Ventura? Over.›
‹Doesn’t mean our job is done,› Jake said firmly.
‹But what is our job?› I half-shouted, letting my frustration show through as my hands curled into fists where they rested on my knees. ‹Now that the Yeerks have gone sort-of-public—now that the President’s been filled in—I mean, what’s our role now? Especially given the whole secret god-alien puppetmaster thing.›
There was an only-a-little-bit-awkward silence.
‹Assassins?› Marco suggested. ‹Spies? Guerillas?›
I shifted uncomfortably on my patch of grass. That wasn’t the point, it was the wrong type of answer, but I couldn’t think of a way to phrase the question better…
‹More like recruiters,› I ventured. ‹Can we do any better than just getting the cube back and using it on people twenty-four hours a day?›
‹Garrett here. Giving it to the military to reverse-engineer? Over.›
‹That could take years, though, and in the meantime—›
‹The problem is,› Jake cut in wearily, ‹we don’t know what Visser Three is up to. He could’ve been a lot less honest in his little speech and still gotten away with it—›
‹Except then he would’ve run the risk of one of us exposing him.›
‹Still. He’s doing things that don’t make sense, and I’m willing to bet that means we’re wrong rather than he’s wrong. We don’t know where he’s putting his attention, or why, and we can’t count on being able to figure it out in time to do anything about it. We need a strategy that doesn’t really interact with him—something that’s going to be useful no matter what.›
‹Which brings us back to recruitment. Right?›
‹Maybe, but we don’t have the cube. Tobias has it—the Chee have it, really, and we don’t know if getting it back is going to be easy or not. And in the meantime, we’ve got to do something—›
‹No,› I snapped, throwing up my hands. ‹No, Jake—we don’t. That’s what I’m trying to say. You want to do something. You want to hit back. But that’s exactly the kind of thing that I—that’s what got us here in the first place.›
‹The oatmeal factory—›
‹—is a maybe. It’s a good maybe. But it’s not a sure thing, no matter how much you try to talk yourself into thinking that it is. And in the meantime, it puts us out in the open, puts us at risk, lets Visser Three know that we’re not buying his whole olive branch thing. And we—›
I broke off. I wasn’t sure how to say the thing I wanted to say, wasn’t quite able to put it into words. But I’d walked into this trap before, and I wasn’t about to walk into it again.
‹We can’t take on missions just because they feel good. Especially not the kind that could end up getting us killed. We’ve got five months before the rest of the Yeerks show up, and in the meantime he has at least one whole pool left, and we—›
I broke off again, as the words I was saying caught up to me, and I realized how they sounded from the outside. Just because they feel good. The kind that could end up getting us killed. I looked over at Jake, and saw a dark cloud settle over his expression, and felt a wave of frustration and impatience—
No. This can’t be about Cassie, either. We have to be pointed at something. It has to add up to something real, in the end.
‹It’s a chess game,› I said. ‹You guys play chess, right? It’s like—like a blind chess game, and we don’t know where the pieces are going to end up, what the plays are going to be. The best we can do is set ourselves up to be as strong and flexible as possible, get as many pieces out onto the board as we can. The factory isn’t a goal, it’s just another mission. One chess piece. Maybe just a pawn. Maybe not even.›
I locked eyes with Jake, willing him to understand. Come on, cuz. Figure me out. Help me put the words together.
It wasn’t that hitting the factory was a bad idea. It was more about the way we would end up hitting it—about the way we’d pick missions, going forward. It was about making a decision about how we planned to make decisions, about getting to a place where we were acting instead of just reacting.
I could see it clearly, because it was a lesson I’d only just learned, over the past month—learned the hard way. But Jake—
‹The way the Yeerks win is by getting ahead in the resource game,› Marco said, his words hijacking my brain mid-thought. ‹More people, more intelligence, more territory, more stuff.›
‹Right,› I said, feeling something shift in the back of my mind as Marco’s words clicked into place. ‹Right. Exactly—right now, Visser Three’s set up to win because the Yeerks are the only ones trying. The human race isn’t doing anything, because it doesn’t know it needs to try.›
‹So what’s the mission statement, then?› Jake asked. ‹’Wake up, sheeple’?›
‹Yes,› I shot back. ‹Yes. That’s what Visser Three is doing—don’t you see? He’s trying to put everybody back to sleep. After Ventura, after Washington—he knew people were going to ask questions, start poking around, so he—he just—just cut it all off. Cut off the whole process. Satisfied everyone’s curiosity, gave them all the answers—shoved them off in a totally new direction, this whole convincing story all nicely tied up in a neat little package, complete with a Bug fighter and a bunch of alien bodies as proof, and now everybody’s asking the wrong questions, and—and—at some point, the government’s going to come out and make a statement, they have to, they can’t keep quiet forever, and then everybody will be like, oh, okay, not my problem, the experts are on it, and then they won’t feel like it’s their job to do anything, and then Visser Three wins because he takes the right people and meanwhile everybody’s waiting for somebody else to solve the problem—›
I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest, something deep and ancient and powerful waking up inside my soul. Every now and then, there would be a glimmer in the lump of memories that I’d picked up at the high school, some hint or thread that let me draw out truths I didn’t have any right to know—
—and this fit. It wasn’t a complete explanation, but it was Visser Three to a T.
And our response—
A memory floated up, unbidden—of the cages, that first time, when I’d gone in after Jake and Marco had gotten out. The man who’d sworn he was going to fill up the pool with salt, the woman who’d been shouting out to everyone that they could take back control—that if enough of them fought, and fought hard enough, they could blow the Yeerks’ cover. The people who’d lined up as human shields when I made my request, to give the ones with tactical information a little more time to get it out.
The ones who weren’t sitting around waiting for someone else to save them.
‹We’re not going to win this thing on our own,› I said. ‹We never were, not once it got past one pool, one city. But we can—we can pay it forward, what Elfangor did for us. We can give people what they need to win it for themselves.›
‹Okay, sure, fine—yes to all of that,› Marco interjected. ‹But hitting the factory is actually a good step on that path. If it’s actually being run by Yeerks, and if we can get some proof to show everybody.›
‹I didn’t say we shouldn’t do it,› I growled. ‹It’s worth getting the oatmeal out of the picture even if the place isn’t run by Yeerks. I just said we shouldn’t do it with zero prep, and only because we’re pissed off. We should be pointed at something.›
Jake flushed again, but his face didn’t soften. ‹Right,› he said tightly. ‹So this is the new plan, then? Going public?›
‹Arming the human race,› I corrected. ‹Maybe that means going all the way public, and maybe it just means spreading the news around in the right circles. But that’s where we should start. It’s better than just punching whatever looks punchable, and it’s better than sitting back while Visser Three—and that thing you guys met in the pool—do whatever the hell they want.›
We should’ve done it weeks ago, to be honest—should’ve gotten started on the first day, or the day after I’d seen the resistance in the cages, or the instant we figured out that we could use morphs to vet people. As soon as it became clear that, one way or another, the war wasn’t going to stay secret, and there was going to be blood.
But we just—
—hadn’t.
Why not?
Because—
Because—
Because we thought it would end up getting a lot of people killed. Because we didn’t want to take risks. Because we weren’t willing to give up control while our own families were in the line of fire.
Because it hadn’t fit with our picture of how things work—that we couldn’t really change things, on a global scale. That we weren’t allowed to, somehow, that that’s what governments and militaries—grownups, in other words—were for.
We’d taken on the mantle of heroes, but not superheroes. We’d fought for Ventura, but we hadn’t fought for Earth.
And now Ventura was gone, along with practically everyone I’d ever cared about. Only Jake was left—and Cassie, if I was being optimistic.
Something tickled at the back of my mind, then—half a sentence that was trying to finish itself. If we fight for the Earth—
But Jake interrupted the thought, speaking aloud. “All right,” he said, looking around at the three of us. “So that’s our mission statement, then. Our guiding star.”
“Polaris,” Garrett blurted, his fingers twitching where they gripped his jeans.
Across the clearing, Tom and Mr. Levy were watching, open curiosity written across their faces.
Jake nodded tightly. “Sure. Our Polaris.” He swept his gaze around the circle, locking eyes with each of us in turn. ‹This is a big deal,› he said, switching back to thought-speak. ‹A big change. It’d mean—it’s going to put a lot of chaos into the mix. If we do this, we’re—›
He paused, and gave a sickly, twisted grimace. ‹Well. I was going to say, we’re not going to be in control anymore. But what else is new, right?›
He looked over at Ax—or maybe at Tom, I couldn’t tell—and the grimace disappeared, melting into slack-jawed weariness.
I felt a wash of thick, complex emotion—
—impatience—
—frustration—
—bitterness—
—a lack of sympathy for his exhaustion, his disappointment, his pessimism. As if something had been stolen from him, when I refused to go along with his stupid, self-gratifying plan.
Not my fault you were hoping for a rubber stamp, I thought, even as a more honest part of me noted that I wasn’t being fair, that I was jumping to conclusions—that once again, I was looking for reasons to be angry—
Whatever.
I just wanted him to skip ahead. To skip to the end, get whatever emotional processing he needed to do out of the way, so we could get back to work.
You need to grieve too, you know, said a wrong voice in the back of my head.
I ignored it.
‹All right,› Jake repeated, sounding empty and beaten. ‹Yea or nay—we wait a day, make sure we can trust Ax, take a look at this plan again after we’ve slept on it. And in the meantime, we assume—what—factory next week, and Tobias after that?›
‹We don’t have to decide that yet,› Marco pointed out. ‹One thing at a time.›
‹Fine. Morph-swap tomorrow, then planning, hopefully with Ax. Agreed?›
‹Yea.›
‹Garrett here. Yea. Over.›
‹Yea,› I said firmly.
‹Done.›
And then, feeling anticlimactic, we stood, and stretched, and went nowhere.
* * *
Marco had insisted that he be first.
“You don’t understand,” he’d growled—a day before, so that the memory would be preserved, would be a part of our morphs. “You don’t know what it’s like to kill somebody by demorphing them away. You start with me, and at least I won’t fight it. I’ve done this enough times.”
He’d shot me a warning look, which I’d interpreted to mean something like shut up, don’t make this complicated. He knew that I’d dipped into his head before, and that I’d flipped through the memories of Tidwell and Morales—that I, at least, did know what it was like.
But it was irrelevant to the point he was trying to make, so I’d kept my mouth shut.
We had left the green-brown hills of southern California the following morning and headed east, Erek pacing us down below as we flew side-by-side in identical snipe morphs—free from interference, thanks to Cassie’s absence. We’d covered something like seven hundred miles over the course of the day, an hour at a time, with Jake and Garrett carrying Tom and Mr. Levy inside their morphs and Marco and I splitting the supplies, the constant morphing keeping exhaustion at bay as our real bodies aged only three or four minutes per hour.
It was maybe midnight by the time the moon rose, backlighting the dust that filled the sky over northern New Mexico, and we settled by silent, mutual agreement on top of a shattered sandstone mesa in the middle of the wide, cold nothingness.
No one spoke as we demorphed, our bodies rising shivering from the uneven rock. There was a kind of supernatural seriousness in the air—a ritual silence, dark and heavy, the sort of thing I’d imagine feeling at Stonehenge or the pyramids or those sacred catacombs in India. Words just—didn’t fit. Weren’t appropriate.
There was a soft crunch as something invisible landed at the edge of the pillar, and suddenly the air around us grew warm as Erek dropped his holographic camouflage and expanded his force field to include us all. I looked at Jake, who looked at Marco, who looked at Garrett—who for once kept his eyes up and looked back—and slowly we mingled and drifted, acquiring one another, dipping in and out of the strange alien trance as the technology did its work.
“Me, too,” whispered Tom, and as one we turned to Jake, who nodded grimly. Five fingers reached out to rest gently on my cousin’s outstretched arm, and then it was done, and we found ourselves in yet another circle, this one including all eight of us—the alien, the robot, and the Controller; the survivor and the orphan; the general, the strategist, and—
Go ahead. Might as well think it, as long as you’re being poetic.
Gritting my teeth, I buried the thought.
For a moment, all was still, an edge of anticipation forming beneath the somber ambience. I shot a glance at Marco, saw his expression in the otherworldly glow—flat and controlled, letting nothing show—and I wondered whether he was afraid, whether it made any difference that he’d probably already had this conversation with each of us in his own head, whether his insistence on going first had been courage or just a desire to get it over with.
Marco didn’t look at me, of course. He was too busy not looking at Jake.
Jake, who didn’t look scared at all, only alert and determined.
And what about you, Rachel? How’s the warrior feeling?
I felt my face tighten. I didn’t think I was nervous, or scared. I had just as many embarrassing secrets as the rest of them, but—
—well—
—I had just as many, probably. Probably not more. And nothing that I was ashamed of, nothing that would bother me to have the others know about. If Cassie had been there, maybe—
But she wasn’t. She wasn’t, and she wasn’t going to be, maybe Jake was still willing to dump energy into hope and optimism, but I wasn’t about to waste any more—
“Now,” Jake said, the word like a twig snapping in the darkness.
Shoving aside my other thoughts, I focused on Marco—on this Marco, on the version of Marco I’d acquired just seconds before, the one that had memories stretching all the way up to yesterday evening. Around the circle, half of us were changing—Jake and Garrett and I morphing inside of our clothes, Ax pulling a towel over himself—while Tom and Erek and Mr. Levy and the real Marco looked on in silence.
Ninety seconds later, it was done.
“Now,” Jake said again, this time speaking with Marco’s voice, the words emerging from Marco’s face. Together, we took in one last breath—
Click.
It was different than it had been the first time, when he’d checked his hand for rocks, counted doubles, tried to move his feet. This time, the Marco in my head was ready—took in the scene at a glance and spoke without hesitation.
‹Who’s there?› he asked, and by the faces of the others I could see that they were hearing the same question.
‹Rachel,› I said.
There was the sensation of a sigh, somewhere in between relief and disappointment. ‹Would you mind…?› he asked.
‹That one,› I answered, directing my eyes at the Marco who was Jake.
‹Thanks.›
There was a long silence as we went our separate ways inside our shared skull, Marco turning his attention outward while I looked within.
At the real Marco’s recommendation, we’d each prepared a list of five things we wanted to draw everyone’s attention to—five important thoughts or memories that would be a starting point during our sort-of mind-meld sort-of ritual. Slowly, carefully, I dipped into Marco’s memory, skimming over the list while he remained laser-focused on the emotions flickering across the face of his fellow clone.
‹It’s going to be okay, you know,› I said softly, as I skipped the familiar first item and sank into the second—his frantic escape from the tunnels under the YMCA, carrying Jake over his shoulder. ‹It’s not going to matter to him one way or another.›
‹That—doesn’t help,› Marco said, and with his whole mind unfolded before me, I was able to fill in the meaning behind the words—to see that apathy would hurt just as much as rejection, revulsion—would be worse, actually, because at least if Jake was repulsed it would mean something, would mean that Marco mattered—
‹Okay, fine, you’re right, that came out wrong,› I said, cutting off the flow of words. Elsewhere in my head, I felt the memory of pain as a Dracon beam cut into my shoulder, drank in the raw power of the gorilla as I ripped the door off a cage and hurled it across the room. ‹But he’s not going to stop being your friend or anything like that—›
‹It’s not about that,› Marco shot back, and beneath his rigidly enforced calm, his tension and anxiety were like twin currents pulsing through razor wire. ‹It’s—›
He didn’t explain in words, but instead surfaced a swirl of images, memories and emotions and chains of reasoning all jumbled together into a tangled mess.
Jake could reject him outright.
Jake could pretend it didn’t matter, but be lying—either to Marco, or to himself.
Jake could try to make it okay—could force himself not to mind, and not realize until months or years later that he’d just been playing the part of an accepting, understanding, open-minded friend.
Or worse, the whole thing could devolve into pity, patronage, condescension—could easily, accidentally, irrevocably turn into a story about Marco being fragile, being needy, being somehow less than an equal in their friendship. It could end up displacing everything else, become the thing their friendship was about, and things might never be the same again.
All of this and more was there, just beneath the surface—fear and shame and pride and stubbornness, resolution corroded by secret hope and then scoured clean by self-loathing, the whole thing held back by a wall of pure, unyielding willpower—an iron determination that this not matter, that he would not allow the universe to drag him under over something so stupid, so pointless, so trivial, so pathetic.
So small.
‹Um—› I began.
‹Don’t say it,› he bit out. ‹Don’t you fucking say it, Rachel, I swear to god.›
So I didn’t.
But that didn’t stop me from thinking it.
It’s not just me, right? There’s something deeply sad about—about—
About Marco being so scared of my cousin’s reaction that he’d rather erase his own emotions—that if there was a button he could push to not feel so strongly—to not care—that he would push it, and call it an improvement. That he thought it made him small, and weak, and pathetic—that it was a lessening of who he was. That he’d already given up—not just on Jake returning the sentiment, but on Jake feeling anything good in return—on Jake even being capable of taking it in a way that was healthy, that let them stay friends.
He was just that sure that the universe was broken. It wasn’t optimism, that had led him to select that as his first thought, the first thing to draw Jake’s attention to. It was fuck it, why not. It was a desire to just go ahead and get the worst part over with.
Maybe he’s right.
The thought hit me like a splash of cold water, interrupting the flow of sympathy and yanking me back out into the real world. For a few minutes, I’d been so absorbed in the experience of being Marco that I’d let go of the larger picture—of the Yeerks, and the Visser, and the war Elfangor had dumped in our laps. Of the ashes behind us, the crater that had once been my home and everything I’d ever cared about. Of what had happened to Melissa, and maybe Cassie too—of what would happen to everybody, unless we managed to pull off a miracle.
‹There’s just—there’s more important shit to worry about, in the end,› Marco said offhandedly, even as he continued to drink in every detail of Jake-Marco’s expression. ‹For you guys, anyway. For me—›
He gave a bitter, humorless laugh, leaving the sentence unfinished for me to complete.
For me, I’m going to die in like half an hour, so I might as well worry about whatever the fuck I want.
* * *
I had expected the morph-swapping experience to be surprising. I mean, I’d done it before—more than once—but this was different. These weren’t random Controllers, they were my friends. My allies. The closest people I had left. And unlike when I’d used Marco’s morph in the past, this time there was no specific question to be answered, no deadline to meet. We were going into it just to get to know one another better—to understand each other on the deepest possible level, to literally see through one another’s eyes.
Yet even going into it with that context, it was—
Profound.
Startling. Unexpected. Moving. It sort of snuck up on me, with Marco—the way we eased into it, given our past experiences, given those first few minutes.
But his other memories—
They’d been like—like shards of crystal, fragments of rainbow, lit up with a vibrant trueness that had been even brighter than my own anger, drawing me closer and closer until I was fully outside of myself.
There had been the day of his tenth birthday, when his mother had taken him and Jake out on the open water, and he’d taken the tiller and sailed them out of sight of land entirely without help, tacking against the wind.
There’d been the time he had gotten in a tussle with a girl during P.E.—she had tried to trip him twice as they passed each other on the track, going in opposite directions, and on the third pass he’d stuck out an elbow, and she’d stumbled and claimed he’d punched her in the chest unprovoked, and his father hadn’t believed him, had screamed and shouted, and he’d spent two afternoons in detention in a burning mix of shame and rage.
There’d been the book his dad had given him, not long after—Labyrinths of Reason, which he’d read in a week and then reread in an afternoon, curled up in the back of his family’s station wagon on the way to his aunt’s wedding. It had a puzzle in it that he’d tried to solve for days, that he’d been sure was impossible, and then the book had shown him a solution that turned his brain inside out and he’d seen the world differently ever since.
And the rest—I hadn’t meant to pry, had not at first held any intention of going beyond his original list of five, but the thirty minutes we’d settled on hadn’t been up yet, and he’d pointed out that this was why we were doing this, after all—
Memories of times when everyone else around him had been crazy, had been stupid, and he was the only one who saw but they wouldn’t listen—
Memories of the times when he was the one who was wrong—when he’d missed something, gotten it backwards, jumped to conclusions and was arrogant and condescending right up until the moment when it all came crashing down—
Memories of his mother, and the day she disappeared, and the week of wondering—not knowing—hoping—and then they’d found the shattered wreck of her boat and that had been that, only his father couldn’t let go, the nightmare was just beginning—
And then it had been time to demorph, and Jake had said nothing, not a single word, had only stood up and pulled the real Marco into a hug and said “Me next,” and we’d sat back down and for the first time I’d really seen my cousin, how alike we were—the pain and rage he couldn’t really feel, didn’t even notice, because it didn’t feel like a part of you—just felt like it was a part of the universe, the same way that gravity pulled down—
And I’d felt something weakening inside of me, some barrier crumbling, so that when I got to his memories of Cassie, I’d almost thought they were mine, had almost thought that Marco wasn’t the only one, because the awe and admiration were all so familiar, so immediate and present, and the budding love that went with them felt so natural that at first I didn’t notice it was coming from Jake and not from me.
And then I saw myself from the outside—saw all of us from the outside, as I relived Jake’s resurrection, felt his confusion and horror as the truth of what had happened sank in, and then his frantic desperation as Ax went off the rails and he tried to stop him from shooting anybody, tried to hold us all together. I felt the weight of responsibility, the strange intermittent magic of what he called his little black box, the fear that it would all go wrong and it would all be his fault. I watched myself through his eyes—thumbed through memories where he considered me, weighed me, sent me out on missions and then worried about me.
And then it was on to Ax, whose head was an incomprehensible, alien place, containing not only him but also—I had forgotten—a complete and independent copy of Elfangor. I had followed the path Ax had laid out for me, from his time on the Andalite homeworld to his training in the orbital battle school to the moment when he chose to defy his orders and stow away on his brother’s ship, and as I looked around the circle, I could see that the others were just as horrified as I was by the unraveling he had experienced—that yes, joining with Temrash had been his only option, and the correct choice, and as far as we could tell, seeing things from only Ax’s point of view, their fragile alliance was genuine, and the pair of them were trustworthy.
After that, it was time to become Garrett, whose mind was almost as strange, whose life—I discovered—was like one of those movies where everything is black and white except for one color. Only for Garrett everything was black and white except for all the colors, which doesn’t quite make sense but was as close as I could come to summing up the experience. In memory after memory, everything was bright, everything was urgent, everything was deeply and immediately attention-grabbing regardless of whether it was actually important. I had to close my eyes just to stay focused—otherwise I’d get sidetracked by the pattern of shadows in the pockmarked stone, or the sound of an owl in the darkness, or the subtle differences in the expressions of the other four Garretts—and even then it was still like being thrown overboard in the middle of a hurricane—
—a comparison I could actually make, because of what Garrett and Tobias had gone through when they went to rescue Ax, why hadn’t they told us it was like that—
—and it made perfect sense that Garrett fixated on certain NAMES and OBJECTS, because without some kind of anchor, I would have been surprised if he ever managed to finish a single thought.
And yet, whether it was because by that point my defenses had all been washed away, or just because it was true—
I found it incredibly easy to see myself in Garrett, and to see Garrett in me. To understand what it was like to be him, why he did the things he did—to imagine myself doing the same, in his place. He was no more alien than Jake or Marco had been—in fact, all of them, even Ax, had been—
—had been—
Normal?
No, not normal. Fascinating.
Brilliant, riveting, beautiful. I didn’t want to admit it, because of what it implied about before, about the past, about my whole life up until an hour and a half ago. That I’d basically been writing off the people around me, even the ones that I liked, even the ones that I trusted—that I’d been summing them up, flattening them out, storing them in my mind as cartoon characters rather than as full, three-dimensional people. I could feel myself shifting into a new sort of reality where other people actually existed, as players instead of as background characters, people whose incomprehensible behavior wasn’t the product of broken or mysterious thinking processes, but of brains that were only a little bit different from mine. I wondered if Marco was experiencing the same thing—the same shift in perspective, the same sense of connection, of kinship. I wondered if this was what Jake’s life was always like, if this was the thing that powered his little black box. And then I thought of Cassie, who’d probably felt this way all along—
—and then it hit me, really hit me, what it would mean if Cassie hadn’t made it, if she were dead and gone and somebody that special, as special as Marco and Jake and Ax and Garrett, more special, maybe—
—and my mom, and my sisters, and Melissa—
—all of the people in Ventura—
—it cut right to the heart of me, right past all of my anger and determination, the armor I’d been using to hold myself together, keep myself from falling apart—hit me right in the gut without anything to slow it down or soften the blow and I almost lost it right there, would’ve fallen over or started crying if it hadn’t been for the fact that Garrett was in control of our shared body, that I’d unlocked him and turned over the keys while I poked through his soul—
Dead. Half a million of them, dead, when even one death was a tragedy of near-infinite proportions, there was a person inside me named Greg Morales who was gone, who’d lived alone in a house that was too big for him, I didn’t know who he’d really been or what he’d wanted out of life but it was irrelevant now, everything he might have done, everything he might have stood for was over, gone, vaporized—
I felt a part of me trying to shrug it off—to regain perspective, take the bird’s-eye view, the defensive distance in which a couple of people died every second and you didn’t notice, shouldn’t notice, because that was normal, paying attention didn’t help, there wasn’t really anything to be done about it—
But even if that’s true, this is different. This wasn’t old age or sickness, it wasn’t a car accident or a falling tree branch, this was murder—
—like the seven Controllers you killed that first time at the pool? Or that kid Controller you cut to pieces? Or everyone at the pool the second time?
—and it was clear, the moral argument was clear, we were doing what we had to do to end a war that somebody else had started, it wasn’t the same thing at all, but still—all of a sudden the cost was visible to me, meant something in a way that I deliberately hadn’t let it, up until now, and suddenly I realized why the characters in comic books and action movies never had parents or siblings, had at most one person that they really, truly cared about, because once you had something other than the fight to focus on, it became that much harder to do what had to be done, to follow through—
‹Rachel?›
—I thought about the five memories I’d chosen, the things I wanted the others to see and understand about me, from my first loss at my first gymnastics competition all the way up to what had happened after the high school, I’d known that Visser Three was going to come for my family, for all of our families, but I hadn’t let it get in the way because what mattered was the cube, the cube was our number-one route to victory and Elfangor had said that it had to be kept out of the Yeerks’ hands at all costs—
‹Rachel—›
—at all costs, that meant no matter what, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much you lost, no matter if it meant that they were going to take both of your little sisters and turn them into slaves and you could have stopped it, it didn’t make any difference, you did what you had to do and whining about it wasn’t going to change anything, that was what I believed all the way down in my core, and it was like being stabbed with a hot knife because it was one thing to say at all costs and it was another thing to stare straight at just how big the cost actually was, half a million people and counting and I was on my own now, both of my best friends were gone and my family was gone and the others all thought I was stupid or dangerous—
‹Rachel!›
I snapped out of it, looked around the circle and saw that the others were all demorphing, were already halfway demorphed.
‹You okay in there?›
‹I’m fine,› I said evenly, pulling my shirt back down from where it had been covering my nose and mouth. Then I said some other lies as I demorphed, shutting down the Garrett inside my head so he wouldn’t be conscious during the process. Then it was my turn, and while the others went digging through yesterday’s Rachel, I tried to realign the pieces and put myself back together.
What’s our role now?
I looked slowly around the circle, seeing my own face mirrored back at me in the darkness, looking subtly wrong, subtly different, the way a photograph was different from a reflection. I had asked the question the day before, and no one had really had an answer.
But that wasn’t the only thing that needed figuring out. And now that I’d seen—really seen—what it was to be Jake, to be Marco, to be Garrett or Ax—
What’s my role now?
I wasn’t any harder or stronger than the rest of them. Not really, not in the ways I’d thought I was. And I didn’t see things any more clearly—I just saw different things. It was easy to see that a group of just-Rachels wouldn’t have done any better, and would almost certainly have done a lot worse.
But what about a group of just-Jakes? Just-Marcos?
No, that wasn’t the question, either. It wasn’t about which one of us was best, it was about how we fit together.
What was it that I could do that they couldn’t?
Hold together, my brain offered up.
That wasn’t quite it, but it was close. It was more like—
Like—
Like I didn’t stop moving when I fell apart. Like the cracks never made it all the way to my core, to my motivation—like it never hit me hard enough to keep me from finishing the job. Even when it looked like Jake wasn’t going to make it, even after our families had been taken, even when they’d blown up the shield generator and knocked out Ax and it was just me and Garrett against a hundred Hork-Bajir with Dracon beams—
Even yesterday, when Jake and Marco had been giving each other permission to go off the rails. I made mistakes, sure—more than either of them—but I didn’t make the same mistake twice. I had—
Follow-through.
Yeah. That was it.
Follow-through.
It was a more comfortable word than warrior—less pretentious, less likely to make my inner Marco start smirking. And with that as my superpower—next to Marco’s raw intelligence, or Jake’s weird ability to understand people—that made me—
The reliable one.
The one who wasn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty. Who wasn’t going to back down just because it was hopeless. The one who was willing to do whatever it took.
The type of person who does the right thing, even if it’s hard.
Yeah, that fit. That was another thing I had seen in Garrett, even before our little brain-swap—that he, too, was somebody with follow-through.
And suddenly it all made sense—the feeling of aliveness I got during battle, the way in which I—more than any of the others—had taken to our new life like a duck to water. The way in which I would have been happy, now, if the cost hadn’t been so high—happier than I ever would have been normally.
It wasn’t that I liked violence, or that I had anger issues, or anything like that.
It wasn’t that I was broken.
It was that, if your superpower was follow-through, then your life was only as meaningful as the problem in front of you.
I’d been a damn good gymnast, even after it was clear I was too tall. I’d pushed and fought and worked and sweated for years, until I was as good as anybody in Southern California, to the point that Dad had started talking about sending me to Massachusetts to work with Belnikoff.
But in the end—
What did it matter?
Gymnastics wasn’t going to change the world.
The part of me that’s excited—the part of me that loves this—
That was the part of me that knew that I had finally found something worth trying my absolute hardest. Finally found something worth sacrificing for. Worth dying for, if it came to that. Through fate or luck or divine intervention, I’d ended up in a position where not giving up might actually mean something. Might make the difference between a saved world and a doomed one.
That was my role—that was how I fit in. Especially now that I had nothing to lose, now that I was more alone than all of them. Jake had Tom, Marco had his dad, Garrett and Tobias had each other, Ax had Temrash and the imaginary Elfangor in his head. Even Cassie, if she’d made it—Cassie had her parents, Visser Three had said they were alive and it didn’t really make sense for him to be lying in this case.
But me—
The only thing I really had to fight for was victory. That would be my prize, in the end—knowing that it had mattered, that I had mattered, that the world was different because of the choices I’d made. That if there ever came a time when we needed one person to stay behind to buy everybody else enough time to escape, I was ready. Not because I was worth less than the others, but because if one Rachel could buy a Jake, a Marco, a Garrett, and an Ax—not to mention a Tobias and a Cassie—
Well. We were trying to win a war. What were the odds I could make a better trade than that?
* * *
If it weren’t for the fact that Temrash was keeping Ax from losing his mind—if it weren’t for the fact that Aftran had eventually learned, and started to soften—
‹Cube first,› I broadcast privately, breaking the silence.
Across the circle, the Tom-that-was-Jake nodded tightly, streaks of soft light on his cheeks where his tears reflected the dim glow of the moon.
It was thin—thin in the same way that Jake’s plan to hit the oatmeal factory had been thin. It was emotion rather than reason, reaction rather than strategy, and my inner Marco was making a skeptical face.
But this had nothing to do with winning or losing, was on an entirely different axis. It would only cost us a day or two, we needed to reconnect with Tobias anyway, and Tom—
Gritting my teeth, I turned inward again, and continued to learn about my enemy.
Tom would follow through, too.
* * *
‹Let us know if you think you’re going to go out of thought-speak range.›
‹Roger,› I answered.
We were walking up the driveway of a perfectly normal-looking house in the middle of a perfectly normal-looking suburb, maybe six or seven miles west of Washington, D.C.—me, Garrett, and Erek. None of us were wearing our true faces; Erek had donned a hologram of a twenty-something college girl, and Garrett and I were in human morphs.
Jake and Marco were nearby, somewhere, with Marco keeping watch in osprey morph and Jake ready to switch into any number of appropriate bodies, from rhino to tiger to tarantula hawk. We’d left Tom and Mr. Levy on the outskirts of town, supervised by another Chee who’d appeared as soon as we crossed the state line into Virginia.
Marco hadn’t been particularly happy about that.
“Look,” Erek said, as we stepped up onto the small porch. “I get that you guys are nervous. I can tell you don’t trust us yet. But really—we’re on your side. I don’t know what else we can do to prove it to you.”
‹Don’t answer that.›
I shared a glance with Garrett, who was currently occupying the body of a grizzled-looking middle-aged man, and we both grimaced.
“It’s not you,” I said softly, trying to ease the tension. “It’s just the general idea of going somewhere where somebody else has complete and total power over you. I’d be nervous if it was Andalites, too.”
Erek opened his mouth as if to respond, but before he could, the front door swept open, revealing a woman with dark brown hair and a flowery skirt whose whole appearance just screamed soccer mom.
“Well, all the more reason for us to get to know each other better,” she said, smiling widely as she stepped back and gestured us inside.
I shivered, even as Marco whispered ‹Okay, that’s creepy,› from his hidden perch in the nearby trees. But I didn’t hesitate.
One way or another, we had to know.
The house looked completely normal inside. Normal furniture, normal lights, normal dishes in a normal sink in the kitchen around the corner. There was a living room on the opposite side, with a normal TV on mute, showing CNN’s latest updates on “the diplomatic situation”—
—the leaders of Russia, China, India, Japan, Germany, the U.K., France, Israel, Canada, Brazil, and Saudi Arabia—plus the President, the Pope, and the Dalai Lama—had all made simultaneous statements around the time that we were crossing the Mississippi, essentially confirming everything that had happened in Washington, and the whole world had gone into a tailspin of panic and speculation—
—it still felt weird to be completely disconnected from all of that, weird and wrong on a fundamental level, and I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that we were making a mistake, that we should be trying to infiltrate the major governments, get a sense of what was happening in the geopolitical sphere. But as Ax had pointed out, we couldn’t be unpredictable unless we were willing to pass on the most predictable targets, no matter how tempting and reasonable they seemed—
—and in the hallway there were two dogs, a Labrador mix and a fat little terrier. The Lab rolled over on its back and Garrett crouched to rub its belly while the terrier scampered forward to sniff at my shoes.
“You like dogs?” the woman asked, directing her question at Garrett. Behind us, Erek stepped inside and shut the door with a click.
“I like most animals,” Garrett said matter-of-factly, reaching up to scratch the Lab under its collar.
“But dogs, do you like dogs?”
“Yes,” Garrett answered. “Dogs make sense.”
The woman smiled again, nodding as if Garrett had just said something profound, and gestured further into the house. “Would you like anything to eat or drink?” she asked.
“No, thanks,” I said. “We’d mostly like to talk to Tobias, if that’s okay.”
Still smiling, she turned and led us through the kitchen, Erek bringing up the rear. Once again, the total normalcy of the scenery was slightly off-putting—I don’t know what, exactly, I’d been expecting from a hidden robot lair, but it wasn’t shopping lists on the refrigerator and an open box of Wheaties on the counter top. There was a giant double trough of dog food and water in the corner, and the terrier abandoned my shoes to go get a drink as we turned the corner into another hallway.
“This way,” the woman said, opening what seemed like a closet door to reveal narrow, wooden stairs leading down into a dimly lit basement.
‹Marco,› I broadcast. ‹We’re heading underground.›
‹Roger.›
The woman paused when she reached the bottom of the stairs, moving slightly out of the way and gesturing for us to pass her. We stepped out into the middle of the concrete floor, and then—
“Don’t be alarmed.”
—the floor began to drop, the entire slab of concrete slowly sinking as the walls and ceiling rose above us, revealing slick, featureless metal.
‹Way underground,› I added. ‹The basement is some kind of elevator shaft. I can’t tell if we’re going to stay in range or—›
“Excuse me,” Garrett said. “How far down are we going?”
“About seventy feet,” Erek answered. “Little over five stories.”
‹Never mind,› I grumbled. ‹Looks like we should easily stay in range.›
‹Roger,› Marco said again. There was a pause. ‹Jake says same rule anyway.›
If we lost contact for any unexplained reason, one of them would leave immediately, and the other would wait for half an hour and then bail. It wasn’t really security—at this point, we were basically committed, and the Chee could probably round us all up in about eight seconds anyway—but it felt better to have some kind of plan.
With a slight lurch, the floor stopped, and almost immediately, one of the empty gray walls began to glow with a kind of golden light. The light brightened until it was almost too bright to look at, and then—
MY basement doesn’t do that, quipped my shoulder Marco.
I couldn’t help it. A part of me tried to hang on to combat readiness, but the rest of me just sort of stared in amazement.
“Is—is this a hologram?” I stammered.
Erek projected a wide, delighted smile. “Nope,” he said. “Only the sky.”
The wall had disappeared, revealing a vast, vast chamber beyond it, lit with the same warm, golden glow. The far wall was maybe two hundred yards away, only partially visible through low, rolling hills and wide, feathery trees. The whole space was like a park, with grass and streams and flowers and bees and butterflies under a sky of deep turquoise and cotton candy clouds. Walking here and there were Chee—Chee in their natural forms, six-limbed machines of shining chrome and polished ivory.
But it wasn’t the presence of robots that was the real shock.
It was the dogs.
Hundreds of dogs, maybe even a thousand—normal, everyday Earth dogs, every breed and half-breed you could imagine, running in packs, yipping, yapping, bow-wowing, howling, growling, ruff-ruffing dogs. They were chasing squirrels, digging holes, running around with sticks, smelling each other, and generally having a grand ol’ dog time.
“What—how—” I asked, as Garrett stepped forward and knelt in front of a passel of Corgis and Shibas that had tumbled to a stop just beyond the concrete.
“Welcome,” said Erek, as he gently nudged me forward. “I imagine you have some questions.”
* * *
In the end, it didn’t take long to explain.
“Once we realized that the Howlers couldn’t be stopped,” Erek said, “we loaded as many survivors as we could into the New Day’s Dawn and made for orbit. One of us—the first Chee—did something, we don’t know what, and—”
Erek’s voice hitched, a pause almost too short to be noticeable.
“—it died, went offline and never came back, but one of the Howler ships blocking the way veered off course, smashed into another one, made a hole big enough for us to escape. When the other Howlers didn’t follow, we thought that we were free, that we’d made it to safety, but—”
Another hitch, another microscopic hesitation.
“—it was only a few days later that the first Pemalites started to get sick.”
“Biological weapons,” I said softly.
“Yes. It had been the Howlers’ first move, as it turned out—they’d seeded the atmosphere with a plague that took weeks to incubate. The rest of it—the burning, the killing, the torture—that was just because they liked it.”
I clenched my jaw, clamping down on the question I wanted to ask—
Why didn’t you fight BACK?
From what Erek had told us, sitting on the grass next to Tobias’s hospital bed, the Howlers hadn’t been more technologically advanced than the Pemalites. They hadn’t been smarter, or faster, or better equipped. They’d just been more brutal, more relentless, the Pemalites unwilling to do anything but fall back, defend, and fall back again as each layer of their defenses was breached. If the Pemalites had just unlocked their army of invincible robots—
This, too, is a lesson.
But as I looked around the park, at the hundreds of dogs barking and gamboling in the golden light, I could sort of see it. The way in which that wouldn’t have been an answer, would have just been defeat of a different form. It wasn’t something I would have been able to notice, before the morph-swap, except maybe in the vague sense of this is a Cassie thing, I guess. But now—
They’d built the Chee because they wanted friends. Not to handle menial or repetitive tasks, not to make manufacturing more efficient, not to solve intractable problems or answer deep questions about the nature of the universe or any of the reasons humans might someday have to invent robots.
They’d done it just for the joy of it. To have someone to talk to, to share with—to bring more total happiness into the universe.
They’d been doomed from the start. But maybe—
—maybe—
—it was better than giving up on what they’d stood for.
“There were only six of them left, by the time we arrived here, and only one of them was conscious. The Pemalites had visited this planet before, in the time before the Chee, and knew that it was good—full of life and promise. The last surviving Pemalite commanded us to stay—to try to find an existence that would satisfy us.”
“And the dogs—”
“They’re reminders,” Tobias said.
I turned just as Garrett lurched forward, seizing him in a tight, awkward hug, his adult body melting away as he returned to his true, eleven-year-old self. Tobias was awake—must have woken up at some point during Erek’s story, because he was alert and upright in the bed they’d made for his recuperation, looking incongruous and strange under the open sky.
“Their programming doesn’t let them interfere with Earth life very much,” he continued, the fingers of his remaining hand dancing in a complex pattern across Garrett’s back. “The Pemalites had run into other intelligent species, so they knew to program the Chee to prevent deliberate violence, but most of the violence in nature isn’t deliberate, it’s instinctive. And they can foster growth and flourishing, but they can’t guide or direct it. For a while, they looked after the ancestors of modern wolves and foxes, because those were the animals that looked the most like the Pemalites had. But once humans domesticated dogs—”
“They are our joy,” Erek said solemnly, “because they remind us of a world without evil. The world we lost. Whenever you see a dog playing, chasing a stick, running around barking for the sheer thrill of life, you see an echo of the Pemalite race.”
Which is the real reason they give a shit about humans, my inner Marco guessed. Because we’re the only other species that gives a shit about dogs. I locked eyes with Tobias over Garrett’s still-shrinking form, put forth the theory in thought-speak, got a quick, grim nod in return.
Note to self—don’t tell Erek you like Chinese food.
I pushed my inappropriate inner Marco aside, turned back to the android. “Why are you telling us all of this?” I asked.
Erek shrugged. “We want you to trust us,” he said. “We know that you’re suspicious. You have to be. And we know all of your secrets. We wanted the situation to be a little more—even.”
“We appreciate it,” I said dryly. “But really all you have to do is give us our stuff back and let us leave.”
Erek nodded. “Fair enough,” he said, and stood. In the distance, a second Chee turned and began jogging toward us, the motion oddly smooth as its head stayed a constant distance from the ground. As it approached, it reached inside of a compartment in its torso, its hologram flickering to life just in time to turn its metal arm into a human hand, awkwardly holding the blue box and an Andalite shredder.
“Thanks,” I said, reaching out and taking both. I turned to Tobias—
Time seemed to slow. Tobias’s face had gone masklike, his eyes bright with tension and everything else frozen in place, his fingers still on Garrett’s back. I felt a wash of sympathetic adrenaline, like a dog reacting to another dog’s whine—felt myself trying to react and clamped down on it—follow his lead, don’t give anything away—
I had no idea why he was suddenly on edge, but I wasn’t about to do anything to call attention to it.
‹What’s going on?› I asked privately.
“The kid,” he said tightly, ignoring my question and resuming the sort-of massage he’d been giving Garrett.
“What?”
“The Controller kid. David—”
Right—Erek had said something about that. I looked at Erek, then back at Tobias, who gave a tiny, fractional nod in Erek’s direction.
Wh—does he want me to—
“We’d like to take David with us, too,” I said.
Another fractional nod.
Erek frowned. “The Yeerk inside his head—”
I glanced back at Tobias. “We’ve got oatmeal,” I said, feeling my way forward, watching his face for the slightest reaction, for any subtle hint. “And two other Controllers in our group. We’re not going to starve it or anything.”
Another nod.
There was a pause of maybe half a second, and then Erek nodded, too. “All right,” he said, and in the distance, one of the trees dissolved and vanished, revealing—
I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. “Thanks,” I said again.
With a hissss of compressed gas, the tube lowered to the ground and opened, revealing the frozen body of a twelve-year-old boy. As I watched, a blue light began to scan slowly over him, starting at his feet and rising upward a few inches per second, dissolving away the icy crystals covering his skin and clothes and leaving him normal and alive-looking.
“Controller,” Tobias said, his voice still tight.
“Oh, right,” I acknowledged. “Erek—is he going to be awake?”
“In about five minutes, maybe.”
“Garrett, can you pull him into your morph?” I hadn’t demorphed, myself, both so that I could stay in thought-speak contact with Marco and because I was carrying Ax in wasp morph as a slow-but-secret weapon.
Slowly, reluctantly, Garrett peeled himself off of Tobias and nodded.
“All right, then,” I said, still uncertain. “I guess that’s—that’s it for now?”
* * *
Tobias refused to explain for another forty-five minutes—not until we had gotten out, morphed birds, and were miles away from the safe house, thousands of feet in the air.
‹That should not have worked,› he said finally, speaking only to me, as the six of us flew back toward the forest where we’d left Tom and Mr. Levy.
‹What do you mean?›
‹I mean I tried to get the cube and the shredder back like five different times. I spent two hours trying to talk Erek into it yesterday.›
‹But—›
‹He said their violence protocols wouldn’t let them. That they could theoretically give the stuff to a human, but not to one they’d seen commit violence with them. Not to one that they knew was going to use them for violence in the future.›
If I’d been human, my mouth would have opened and closed half a dozen times before I was able to form words. But—but—but—
‹But Erek saw me take out Visser Three, at the high school,› I said.
‹I know,› Tobias answered grimly.
We flew on in silence and confusion.
Chapter 32: Interlude 8
Notes:
A/N: Turns out saving the world is even harder in real life; Visser Three is scary but at least he trims the decision tree. Updates resuming within the next two weeks with Marco, hopefully within the next week/ten days instead. I think it's time for me to admit I can't commit to an every-two-weeks schedule, but I'm going to try. Thanks to the people who sent messages and posted reviews during the hiatus.
Chapter Text
Interlude
The boy squatted next to the tangle of steel wool, his face just inches away from the crawling, glowing worms of fire. Holding the watering can at the ready with one hand, he tilted the red plastic cube in the other and—
—carefully—
—let a teaspoon of golden liquid fall.
The flame that billowed up was bright and yellow, a miniature mushroom cloud, and he jerked backward, falling. It was gone before he even hit the ground, the gasoline having vaporized and the vapor burned away.
The boy smiled.
Moving swiftly, he set aside the watering can and pushed himself to his feet. The pile of S.O.S. pads was still burning, with tongues of orange fire kindling in the sticks and twigs beneath them, but it wouldn’t be long before the crawling embers died. Standing upright, he leaned backward, stretching out his arm, and dropped another splash of fuel.
Foom.
Another.
Foom.
A third—larger this time, thicker and more daring, fear and fascination fighting for control as he kept the amber flow going for a full half-second.
FWOOSH.
He danced backward as the fireball swelled, curling up and up until it dashed itself against the garage ceiling and was reincarnated as a halo of greasy black smoke. Down below, the pile of kindling was now fully ablaze, bright and crackling as the boy let out a laugh and reached forward once more—
“The fuck?”
The boy whirled, his knuckles going white as his fingers tightened in a deathgrip on the can’s handle, don’t drop it, mustn’t drop it—
“What the fuck are you doing—”
The boy tried to retreat, tried to run, staggered backward but was stopped after a mere two steps as he collided with the cold metal of his father’s car, his head snapping back against the window with a sickening crack.
“—trying to burn the goddamn house down?”
A hand flashed out, and the boy flinched, unable to withdraw any further—
—but it wasn’t an attack, wasn’t a smack or a punch, the hand shot past his face and kept going, wrapped around the handle of the can and yanked—
—he tried, but he couldn’t loosen his fingers fast enough and the can pulled him, dragged him, almost lifted him off his feet and he flailed, paralyzed by his inability to decide which was worse, to stumble into the form of his father or to fall into the fire—
A second hand followed the first, still not a strike but it hurt as it caught his upper arm, moved him without consideration for the softness of his flesh, the palm and fingers wide enough to wrap all the way around, and the boy felt himself spinning as he was dragged away from the little nest of burning scraps—
—a rough release, and he stumbled again, tripping over the watering can as he fell against the workbench hard enough to slide it half an inch—
“Stay.”
The word was like a magic spell, a dark ritual of binding, and the boy froze, the only movement the heaving of his chest and the trembling of his limbs. He didn’t even turn to watch as the shape that was his father strode back into the house—just kept his eyes exactly where they had been pointed, at the slowly spreading puddle of water, his heart beating wildly as though it were trying to break through his ribcage and escape. An endless moment passed, and then the man was back, still carrying the bright red can, and in his other hand—
“What did I tell you about fire, David?”
It was not a question, for all that it ended with a question mark. Silent, frozen, the boy continued to stare as the spreading puddle reached the burning twigs, began to hiss and boil.
“What did your mother tell you?”
Still not a question.
“Never, David. Never, never, never without supervision.”
David said nothing.
“Look at me.”
His eyes moved so quickly it was as if time had skipped ahead. His father’s face was full and red, with eyes wide and wet, the muscles in his jaw tight and twitching.
“You have to listen to me, David.”
The man stretched out his arm, straight out from his shoulder like a tree branch, higher than David’s head. He held his fist—still closed—directly over the knee-high flames.
“You’re going to learn this lesson right now.”
The fingers loosened, and a tiny shard of reddish brown poked out from in between—
“No!” David shrieked, a sudden rush of panic bursting through the dam of his deeper terror. “No, stop, please, no, wait, I’m sorry, don’t—”
“I told you, David,” the man said, his voice thick and hard behind a subtle slur. “I told you, once, and that’s all you should have needed.”
“Nonononononopleaseno—”
But the fingers opened, and even in his panic, David knew better than to move, knew better than to reach out, there were things one simply Did Not Do, no matter what else happened that line was as clear and bright as the edge of a knife—
Henry the hermit crab fell into the fire.
David screamed—a wordless, feral cry of rage and loss and fear, made all the worse by the fact that even now it wasn’t too late, it didn’t have to happen but his father would not let him move, he could not move, and he could see Henry scrabbling, his tiny legs twitching, David could still save him, there was nothing holding him back except—
Except—
David didn’t know, was too young to have the words for it, could not have expressed what it was that lay between him and the fire, except that he knew it was too terrible to face, too horrifying to imagine, the fear was in him so deep that if it had been him in the fire instead of Henry he still might not have moved.
“Watch,” the voice commanded, as a stream of amber poured out and became death.
David watched.
Chapter 33: Chapter 25: Marco
Summary:
A/N: Don't forget, for every comment and review you leave (either here or over at r/rational), the author spares a helpless innocent. Just a little over seven billion people left to save, in-story, and you can help!
In all seriousness, though, your comments are what keep me going. Please, if you enjoy this story, take five minutes to share some thoughts. Sincere thanks to all those who've been doing so through thick and thin.
Chapter Text
“First thing’s first,” I said aloud, and in a quieter tone I broadcast ‹Ready?›
‹Ready,› Rachel answered. Her face was empty, still, giving nothing away.
I raised the Andalite shredder, my palm just the tiniest bit sweaty against the strange, spongy material of the handgrip. Around me, the others stood frozen, feigning shock, my father’s mouth opening as it formed around a question—
“Rachel,” I called out, leveling the weapon. “I’m sorry.”
I fired.
The beam lanced out—a brilliant, blinding purple—and hit her just above her right elbow. There was a moment—a single frame, less than a heartbeat, less than the blink of an eye—when I thought I could see her bones, her skeleton lit up like an X-ray—
And then there was a dull thud as her severed forearm hit the dirt, followed a split second later by the rest of her.
There was a long silence—not shocked, not stunned, not horrified, but simply expectant. It stretched out and out, as the smell of burnt meat and ozone filled the air—
“I guess it’s official, then,” Tobias said. “None of them followed us.”
Which makes absolutely NO SENSE, if you have over a hundred thousand invisible invincible robots then you DEFINITELY put some of them on surveillance around the only humans on the planet with access to alien technology—
I let out a breath. “Unless they’re lying about their violence protocols,” I pointed out. “I mean, they did give Rachel a gun.”
In front of me, Rachel had already begun to demorph, her real arm emerging from the stump of her morph armor. She hadn’t made a single sound—not a shout, not a groan, not even a hiss.
Elfangor would’ve been proud, I felt myself wanting to say.
“There’s definitely something going on that we’re not getting,” I continued, squashing the other line of thought. Reaching out, I handed the shredder to Jake, grip first, and he tucked it into his belt, where it looked way more right and appropriate than it had any business doing.
Looking around at the others, I switched to thought-speak. ‹Not to mention that just because Ax didn’t find any bugs doesn’t mean there aren’t any. So one more time, for the record—make sure you don’t say anything out loud unless you’re cool with them hearing it.›
“Either way,” Jake said, ignoring the thought-speak exactly as he would have if it hadn’t been there. “It’s time to get to work.”
* * *
“Recording,” Tom said, speaking with the voice of Anji, the A/V technician that Tobias’s contact had dug up. He—she, technically—was standing behind a pair of tripods, one of which held up a tiny GoPro while the other supported a large camcorder with half a dozen wires connected to it.
“Streaming,” Garrett said, wearing an identical copy of the same body as he—she?—leaned over a laptop on the dark wooden table. Beside him/her, the real Anji was seated, typing away at a second laptop, her face tight with concentration.
“Give me another minute,” she said, and I nodded.
“Erek?” I asked aloud, speaking into the earpiece we’d stolen three days earlier.
“Standing by,” came the android’s voice. “Ready on your signal.”
“Give it”—I thought for a moment, double checking a rough estimate in my head—“ten minutes, and then go.”
“Roger.”
Switching the earpiece off, I pulled it out of my ear and set it down on the floor next to the prepaid phone it was paired with, and stomped on them both, hard.
“Looks like we’re on,” I said, turning toward the five figures standing together by the faux fireplace. Behind them, through the enormous dining room windows, I could see Rachel stalking around the yard, her tail held rigidly behind her, her eyes darting back and forth like a bird’s. “You all good?” I asked. “Last chance to bail out.”
They nodded as one, identical grim expressions on five very different faces. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“All set now,” Anji called out. “Upload is running, ten second bursts, all timestamped by Google, all obscured. It’s not going to stop anybody from figuring out where we were, but by the time they do we should be long gone. We’re as verified as we’re going to get.”
“Garrett?”
“Posting the link now.”
Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath, tamping down the butterflies that had started fluttering in my stomach. ‹Jake,› I broadcast privately. ‹We’re starting. Grab Ax and Tobias and clear out.›
‹You got it, buddy. Good luck.›
Here we go.
I opened my eyes and began morphing out of my armor as I stepped forward, into range of the cameras and the final occupant of the room. He was sweaty and shaking, his eyes wild, soft panic-filled sounds emerging from his throat as his lips moved futilely behind the duct tape covering his mouth.
“Hello, world,” I said, standing as straight as I could. “Welcome to the resistance.”
There were cue cards off to the side, with bullet points, but I didn’t need them. We’d gone over the words at least a dozen times, and they were burned into my memory like a brand.
“My name is Marco Roger Levy, Social Security number five-six-eight-zero-zero-two-two-four-one. My father is Peter Carson Levy, my mother was Elena Louise Roja Levy, died two years ago in a boating accident. We lived at 3555 Franklin Court in Golden Oaks in Ventura. I was a freshman at Belvedere High School, homeroom 4C with Mrs. Ysteboe.”
Garrett held up a sheet of paper with a giant 8 written on it in Sharpie, and I gave him a tiny nod. “It’s now four-oh-eight PM, central time,” I continued, looking straight into the camera. “This video is streaming to you live, no special effects. Verification—”
I reached out as Tom handed over an iPad, its screen showing ESPN’s live broadcast of the football game. I held it up so the camera could see, then handed it back. “Also, as of this second, Google stock is worth eight hundred sixty-one dollars and forty-seven point two cents, Bitcoin is trading at sixteen hundred forty-three dollars and thirty-eight cents, and Delta Airlines flight 8517 out of Atlanta was just delayed by half an hour and will be taking off at 7:35 instead.”
Bending down, out of sight of the camera, I picked up the shredder and the cast-iron pan. “And this is an alien laser weapon.”
Holding both objects out at arms’ length, I squeezed the trigger and held it, sending a continuous beam of incandescent purple at the center of the pan, which immediately began to glow.
“Ten more seconds, and it’d burn through,” I said, releasing the trigger and turning the pan so the camera could clearly see the circle of bright yellow at its center. Setting the shredder back on the floor, I picked up the laser thermometer and took a reading, turning the screen so it, too, could be recorded. “That’s a little over eighteen hundred degrees Fahrenheit in about three seconds,” I said. “A thousand degrees C.”
Very carefully, I handed the pan to Tom, who stepped through the sliding glass door out onto the deck and dropped it into the Jacuzzi, sending up a billowing cloud of steam.
“This weapon is one of the tools that the Andalite war-prince Elfangor gave us, to fight off the Yeerks,” I said, resisting the urge to wipe a droplet of sweat off my brow. “The other is a piece of Andalite hardware called the Iscafil device, which can give humans the power to shapeshift.”
Holding up my arm, I focused on the osprey, doing my best to localize the changes. I didn’t quite succeed—my head began to change shape as well, and I could feel feathers sprouting all the way down my back—but the results would be obvious even through the camera. After twenty seconds, my hand and forearm were completely gone, replaced by long, elegant bones and silky gray-brown feathers.
“Using this power,” I said, my half-human voice hoarse and rasping as I reversed the partial morph, “we fought back against Esplin, known to us by his rank of Visser Three. We identified a number of captive human Controllers, among them our vice principal Hedrick Chapman, security specialist Aaron Tidwell, accountant Greg Morales, and the aunt and parents of one of our fellow resistance members, Mikayla Certo and veterinarians Michelle and Walter Withers. Those last two are allegedly part of the group that was returned to Earth and is now in U.S. custody.”
They had been dropped off in front of the Capitol building while we were in transit—them and twenty-four other humans, appearing out of thin air as the combination hologram-and-shield that had covered their arrival burned out and self-destructed. So far, none of them had been allowed out of medical quarantine, and no cameras had been allowed in to wherever they were hiding, but a list of names had been released two days earlier and both of them were on it.
“We used the information gathered from our observations to track Yeerk materiel and troop movements, and to infiltrate their stronghold, which was built into the YMCA on Huffman Mill Road. We blew it up, losing one of our own team in the process.”
Off to the side, Garrett held up a sheet of paper reading 58.
“You know what happened next,” I continued, my throat dry. “Esplin—Visser Three—dropped an asteroid on top of Ventura. He claims it was a fail-safe, a dead-man’s switch. However, we have reason to believe it was a deliberate, tactical maneuver, meant to erase the evidence in Ventura and deal with one of the Visser’s political opponents at the same time. We suspect he was planning to resume the invasion in secret elsewhere, with his second batch of Yeerks, until another member of our team took out one of his support fighters over Washington.”
I stepped back and to the side, and Anji turned the cameras to focus on the bound-and-gagged figure lying on the enormous beanbag chair in the middle of the open floor. “Evidence,” I said. “This is David Poznanski, son of Jeremiah Poznanski, a mid-level operative at the Department of Homeland Security. He went missing on the day that a Bug fighter crashed into his house.”
I paused, and turned to look directly into the camera again, dropping my voice a little. “He went missing because the Yeerks kidnapped and infested him, as part of a plan to kidnap and infest his father, to draw information out of the U.S. government. Note that this happened the day after Ventura, and long after Visser Three’s so-called moral revelation—after he claimed to have already ceased all operations on Earth. Note that the Visser didn’t show up to make a public statement until after we’d already exposed the Yeerks’ continuing presence.”
I gestured, and Anji tilted the larger camera, zooming in on David’s face. “David was infested eleven days ago,” I said, “but thanks to the use of a certain kind of Andalite stasis technology, he’s only experienced three days in that amount of time. His Yeerk is about to starve now, and when it does, it’ll fall out of his head, right here in front of you.”
Garrett held up another paper, this time with the number eight hundred and twelve. Reaching down, I peeled off the duct tape covering David’s mouth. He began speaking before it was even halfway off, his voice high and fevered and frantic.
“Please!” he shouted. “Please, the fugue, it’s already—aaahhhhhhhhrrr—it’s started, there’s no time, no time, you have to—gahhh—you’ve got to freeze, to call, the oatmeal, the Visser will come, you can’t just—”
I leaned forward again with the strip of tape.
“No, please, you can’t just—hhhhnnnnnnngggg—you can’t just, just, this is vicious, this is insane—”
I pressed the tape back down, reducing his begging to wordless groans.
“Wide angle,” I said, and Anji zoomed the camera back out. I turned toward the fireplace—toward the five figures standing there in stony silence.
“To verify what’s happening here today, we have five volunteer witnesses, all public figures in good standing. Would you introduce yourselves, please?”
I stepped back, careful not to trip over David’s prone form, making room in the frame for the five adults. They shuffled forward, squeezing together until Anji gave a thumbs-up. Behind her, Garrett raised yet another sheet of paper, this time reading one thousand one hundred and three.
Not bad. Over eleven hundred people watching already, and we were just getting started.
“My name is Sergeant Susan Nickerson,” said the first figure, her eyes dark and focused above her camouflage fatigues. “Human intelligence, stationed at Fort Huachuca.”
She was the primary contact Paul Evans had given Tobias, before they parted ways—a girl he’d gone to school with, who’d kept in touch with him as they both took different paths through the military. All Tobias had was a phone number and a password, but that had been enough—by the time we reached out, Paul had already contacted her, brought her up to speed, and given her command of an eight-person, off-the-books task force, just in case.
“I’m Dr. Richard Scheller,” said the second adult. “I’m a general practitioner, with an office in Stony Creek, North Carolina.”
One of my dad’s old friends, from back when I was little and we’d spent a couple of years in New Jersey. He had more than an office—his practice had branched out into four different locations, and he was a well-connected community member, serving in the Chamber of Commerce and running the local walks to cure breast cancer and juvenile diabetes. He’d been brought in by Tobias and Garrett after their first target, a teacher named Michelle Newsome, had turned out to be too hard for us to find.
“My name is Matthew Joseph Carr, and I’m a pastor at the First Church of Enlightenment in Shallowford, Iowa.”
Our local color, and the one who had contributed the most in terms of detail and recon, given that he was the only one who had ever actually been inside the processing plant where the oatmeal was made.
“And I’m Professor Rebecca Woodmansee, teaching international relations and political analysis at U.C. Berkeley.”
One of Rachel’s dad’s old girlfriends. If we’d still been in hiding, it would have been too risky—too plausible that someone could trace the connection back to Ventura, figure out who we were from the overlap.
But that wasn’t an issue anymore.
“My name is Dr. William Taylor, head of bioinformatics at Helix Inc.”
It had been a toss-up between physics and biology, and William’s home address had been easier to track down than Flora Carrey, who was the head of astrophysics at the nearby university.
It was a big step, bringing in so many new people. We’d spent nearly a full day debating it, even with all of the time pressure pushing us forward. It was a huge uptick in risk—not in terms of direct exposure to Visser Three, but because of the way it complicated the strategic landscape. Each new person was someone who might go off the rails, try to play grownup, try to take over or take the cube. Someone who might get snatched up by the Visser, or by Homeland Security, or by Russia or China. Someone whose plans might end up interfering with our own, who knew almost everything that we did and had almost as many powers, almost as many advantages.
Tobias had started it, with Paul Evans and President Tyagi—and there was Tom, I guess—but it wasn’t hard to argue that those were special cases. Now we’d added fourteen more—regular people, for the most part, twice as many of them as there were of us. We’d vetted all of them with the morphing tech, but only barely—there hadn’t been time for anything more than a quick, five-minute dig through their memories and personalities.
It was Rachel, more than anyone, who’d pushed for it. We didn’t own this war, she’d argued—couldn’t own it, as long as the Yeerks could just pick up and start over where we’d never find them. We needed every recruit we could get, and that meant starting as soon as we could—starting with people who weren’t perfect, weren’t important.
I mean, look at us, she’d pointed out. Look at what Elfangor had to work with.
I glanced down at David, whose moans had finally stopped, replaced by rapid, shallow breathing that flared his nostrils. His face had gone gray, and what had been a sheen of sweat was now beading and running down his forehead and cheeks.
“In exchange for the risk that these people are taking by being here today,” I said, stepping back in front of the camera, “we’ve given each of them the same morphing power that was given to us.”
While blindfolded, and with earplugs in, and with six different objects touching them in six different places, one of which vibrated, one of which was extremely cold, and one of which had an electrode that gave a little shock right at the moment of power transfer, after Ax had assured us that it wouldn’t interfere with the process.
I mean, come on—there’s a difference between taking a reasonable risk and just being reckless.
“Try not to be stupid, U.S. government,” I continued. “If you disappear them into some black ops facility to poke and prod at them, you’re just going to make everyone else more paranoid, and don’t forget that the only way to keep the Yeerks from pulling the strings is to keep everything out in the open where everyone can see.”
Not that we were counting on the government doing the sane thing—all five of them knew the risk they were taking, and our plan would work either way. But if there was any chance we could force the issue by shaping the narrative, it was worth a shot. God knows things were crazy enough as it was—six days earlier, the Chinese president had politely and publicly requested that the United States give up the first Bug fighter, the one Tobias had wrecked, so that no single nation had total control of all of the alien technology. The United States government had politely refused, instead offering China a copy of the technical readouts that Visser Three had left, and inviting up to one hundred Chinese scientists to come and study the craft on American soil.
The Chinese had pointed out that this didn’t really address their point, and that in any case the copy of the readouts would be impossible to verify. The Russians had agreed, and had declared their own public support for the “Beijing Compromise.”
The British and the Germans had then declared public support for the United States.
The Japanese and the French had declared themselves neutral, and offered to facilitate negotiations, at which point the Algerian government had pointed out that there were more than two sides when it came to questions like this, and that Africa and India together comprised more than a quarter of the world’s population and should maybe be included in the conversation or at least acknowledged.
Then the North Koreans had declared that a refusal to give up at least one of the ships would constitute an act of war.
Then the Australians had declared that nobody cared who North Korea was at war with, and sent a gift of ten thousand cheap plastic boomerangs to the South Korean president with a note saying “Just in case.”
Things had gotten a little complicated after that.
I turned back to the five adults. “Can you please confirm the date and time?” I asked.
They did.
“And is this real?”
The five of them glanced at one another, and Sergeant Nickerson cleared her throat. “As far as I can tell,” she said, stepping forward and looking into the camera, “Marco Levy is an intelligent thirteen-year-old male of Hispanic descent with an accent and background knowledge consistent with a life in southern California. His face appears to match various social media profiles for which he has passwords, and which have archives stretching back for at least three years. I’ve watched him and his colleagues transform into various animals—including other humans—in a way that I cannot imagine being faked except by equivalently impressive technology, and he’s returned to the same form in between each transformation. I’ve also examined and fired the beam weapon he demonstrated earlier, which has kill and stun settings as well as a raw heat laser.”
I felt my shoulders loosening a little. We’d gone over the script of what she would say, but the broadcast was live and we didn’t have the resources to do any kind of delayed censoring. I’d been pretty sure she wasn’t going to throw a wrench into things, but with—I looked over at Garrett’s paper—seven thousand people watching, it would have been a costly mistake.
“We’re currently being held somewhat under duress,” she continued. “Not that we’re trying to leave, but one of them has morphed into what appears to be a dinosaur, and is completely capable of running us down if we make a break for it. I’ve been held incommunicado since first agreeing to direct contact with Marco’s colleagues, and I assume the same is true for the others. At this moment, we’re standing in a large living room with Marco, David, and three others who are running the cameras and computers that are responsible for this broadcast. To the best of my ability to discern, everything here is happening in real time, without the aid of special effects—that looks to be a real kid down there on the beanbag, who reasonably matches the description put out by DCPD, and I’m at least seventy percent convinced that he’s currently possessed by an alien, which I’m at least sixty percent convinced is dying of starvation right now. As for the rest—”
She shrugged, and brought her hand out from behind her back, holding up what was clearly a cloven hoof. Over the course of about thirty seconds, it split and shivered and melted back into a human hand.
“It’s hearsay, but there is some fairly compelling circumstantial evidence.”
I gestured again, and Anji turned the camera, zooming in once more on David’s head. In addition to his quick breathing and the sick, sweaty look on his face, he’d started to tremble, his whole body twitching and squirming on the beanbag.
Please, let Ax be right about what happens during kandrona starvation.
“This isn’t pretty,” I said, looking down at the boy. “David here is suffering pretty badly right now, and to be honest, we’ve made it worse for him. He’s going to need a good dose of therapy after this. But he’s only been infested for a few days—some of the people in Ventura were enslaved for over two months.”
I reached down and peeled off the tape for a second time. This time, David said nothing, only emitted a strangled, guttural sound like a death rattle.
“Don’t forget,” I said, making my voice as flat and serious as I could. “This was caused by Visser Three after his alleged truce. That’s what really matters, here.”
We watched in silence as David’s twitching slowed, his eyes unfocusing as if he was drifting off into unconsciousness. Then he convulsed—sharply—once, twice, three times, his heels smacking painfully against the wooden floor. He sat halfway up, his eyes rolling back into his head, and then he collapsed like a puppet with cut strings.
Two seconds.
Five seconds.
Ten seconds.
Come on—
The absolute last thing we needed was to kill a kid on camera and not even have a Yeerk to show for it. I glanced over toward Garrett, who was now holding up two papers, the first reading 32000+ and the second reading Fox News.
Someone gasped.
Staying clear of the camera’s line of sight, I crouched, peering closely at David’s ear.
Yes.
There it was—just emerging, stretching and waving like the stalks of a snail as it crawled out of the kid’s head, searching desperately for its pool. It grew and stretched and grew and stretched, grotesquely large, unnervingly long—at least six inches, end-to-end, and more than an inch thick at its middle. It crawled out of his ear, fell onto the beanbag, twitched twice, and was still.
Fighting back the urge to retch, I reached down and picked it up. It was wet, streaked with blood and brain-juice and its own slime, and it deformed under its own weight, threatening to slip through the gaps between my fingers like melted cheese. Stepping toward the camera, I held it up, and Anji fiddled with the lens, getting the clearest possible picture.
“Now you’ve seen it,” I said softly. “This is what they look like, when they die—and that’s what we look like, when it happens. Three days is what it takes, to starve them out.”
I looked toward Garrett again. 100000 and counting.
“That is, unless they’ve been eating Ralph’s brand maple and ginger instant oatmeal.”
I paused while Anji refocused the camera, giving the audience time for the initial what the fuck shock of what I’d just said to pass. Beneath me, David hiccupped, coughed, and started to come awake; without a word, Matthew and Rebecca reached out and drew him off to the side, where they started to untie him.
“When Yeerks leave their hosts and go back into the pool,” I continued, “they share memories and pick up a bunch of nutrients, but the most important nutrient is one called kandrona. I don’t know what it is, and probably neither do they, because they only got their hands on post-Stone-age technology a couple of years ago. But apparently there’s a molecule in Ralph’s oatmeal that does something similar.”
I grimaced. “Earth’s unusually bio-diverse, it turns out. Not sure why, but it’s true—according to the Andalites, both the Andalite homeworld and the Yeerk homeworld have only around five thousand or so different species. So when they got here—especially after they’d infested a few biologists and geneticists—they started poking around to see if there maybe was a kandrona substitute just lying around, ready to use. And it turns out that if an infested human eats Ralph’s oatmeal—specifically the instant maple and ginger kind—then the Yeerks can survive without ever having to come out and feed.”
I held up the box for the camera. “That’s the bad news,” I said. “Good news is, you can just destroy every box of this crap you can find, and if someone starts acting weird about that—well, they’re not necessarily a Controller, don’t go starting a witch hunt just because somebody’s got some healthy skepticism, but it’s at least worth looking into. Especially if they just started eating it in the last month or so, and if they eat more than one packet per day.”
I let the box fall to the floor. If everything was going according to plan—
—ha—
—then right now, Erek and a few thousand other Chee were currently visiting every single Ralph’s in existence, buying up and destroying the entire market supply of the oatmeal. That wouldn’t do a whole lot if Visser Three had been secretly, privately stockpiling—
—which he was, because duh—
—but it was a start. And Jake, Tobias, and Ax should already be at the factory along with the rest of Sergeant Nickerson’s team, which would be a whole lot more of a start.
But first—
“As far as we know, Visser Three has enough Yeerks left to set up a single, self-sustaining pool—they need critical mass to get an infestation going. So he’s either done that already, with a second invasion point somewhere on the surface, or he’s holding back. If he’s holding back, then his major tools are bombardment from space, political manipulation, and agents-provocateur using oatmeal or taking regular trips back to orbit to feed. Those are the weapons we have to defend against—that’s the situation for the next four and a half months, at which point he gets a twenty-ex infusion of materiel and a fifty-ex personnel reinforcement.”
Following a sudden impulse, I leaned forward, grabbing the sides of the camera and putting my face right in the lens. ‹Now,› I whispered in thought-speak before continuing aloud.
“That means about a hundred and fifty starfighters, about twelve motherships, and maybe twenty or thirty million space slugs. Enough to take out every military base, every aircraft carrier, every fighter jet on Earth. Enough to wipe out every major city. They’ve got weapons like we can’t imagine, they’ve got the high ground, and everybody we lose ends up on their side. But still—”
I leaned even closer, put my head right against the cowl around the lens, stared straight into the cold, black eye of the camera. “They don’t want to blow us all to hell. They want our infrastructure intact—our farms, our factories, our manufacturing capability. According to the Andalite warrior on our team, they’re fighting ground wars on at least twenty different planets, in situations where a bunch of F-35s would actually make a serious difference. There’s only so much damage they can do to us before they’re not even getting their money’s worth in trying to take us over.”
I took a step back. “We outnumber them two hundred to one. And they just got off their rock two years ago. We can beat them, as long as we actually try. As long as we don’t just shrug and go back to everyday jobs, everyday life, just act like this isn’t happening.”
I gestured over to the corner where David was sitting, shivering, with a blanket around his shoulders, a line of blood running down his cheek, and a dead, empty look on his face.
“This is your call to action, people,” I said. “Remember Ventura. Remember Cortéz and Hitler and the Trojan Horse and all the other times when it really would’ve been a good idea to be less polite and more suspicious. Trust each other—odds are, none of your family or friends are Controlled, and even if they are you can make your decisions out in the open, by consensus, while you wait for three days to go by. But don’t fool yourself that the bad part’s already over.”
I sucked in a breath, my eyes flickering over toward Garrett, whose paper now read ½mil. “We don’t know where the Yeerks will land next, assuming they haven’t already. We don’t know what they’ll come at us with, when this inevitably goes south. Big cities and big armies are just big targets—the human race as a whole needs to be prepared, provisioned, and armed, in a distributed, decentralized way. We need a whole bunch of superteams, two or five or ten or twenty people who trust each other, who can work together and get shit done without supervision and without direction. Engineers. Soldiers. Scientists. All you survival nuts and right-wing militia types and backyard inventors, step up—this is your moment. Figure out how to detect a Yeerk in somebody’s head, and how to get it out without waiting three days. Figure out how to mimic their tech, and how to make better tech. Maybe start with earplugs, or with whatever the opposite of Ralph’s oatmeal is. And if you’re a government agent with access to whatever info Visser Three gave us along with those ships, leak it now. Get it out onto the internet where seven billion people can look at it, not in some dark lab where a couple of well-placed Yeerks can pull the strings.”
Taking another step back, I squared my shoulders. This was the part we’d worked out after Tobias had come back—after he’d filled us in on what he’d done with Tyagi and Evans, after we’d recovered the cube, after we’d given up hope of figuring out what Visser Three was up to in time to stop it.
He wants us to start building Yeerk tech, Tobias had said. That plays right into his hands, if we build the factories and then he gets to swoop in and take them over.
Yeah, Rachel had countered, but he’s going to get them either way if he wins. This way, we have a chance to use them ourselves, first.
It was a dangerous line of reasoning. But at the same time—
The U.S. government was holding on to two starfighters, complete with cloaking devices and repulsorlifts and phasers and hyperdrives. Not to mention that we had the Iscafil device and were willing to use it, and that two of the people in our group were voluntary Controllers, and that there was a Yeerk fleet just four and a half months away, and at some point the Andalites might show up, too, and whatever it was that we’d seen in the Yeerk pool, we didn’t have any better word for it than “god”—
“There’s no going back,” I said bluntly. “Not anymore. It’s never going to be like it was before Ventura.”
It had been the last, lingering hesitation, the last little bit of resistance in our way—the idea that our job was to get everything back to normal, that the end goal was life as it had been two months ago.
“One way or another, change is coming. Space flight. Morphing tech. Instantaneous communication. It might take a month, it might take a year, it might take a decade, but win or lose, humanity is in the future now. The old Earth is over.”
I nodded to the side, and Anji swiveled the camera to where the five of them—
—no, wait, four. Professor Woodmansee had stayed off to the side, with David.
—were halfway through their morphs, a mad mix of human and tiger, human and python, human and eagle, human and Hork-Bajir.
“So keep this in mind, as you fight—none of us knows what victory is going to look like. Maybe we beat the Yeerks back. Maybe we hide from them. Or maybe this ends with a peace treaty and a federation. Maybe we do it alone, or maybe the Andalites show up to help, or maybe they end up being our enemies, too.”
I felt a lump forming in my throat and swallowed hard, forcing it away. “The only thing that matters,” I said carefully, shaping the words one at a time, “is that we end up in a future where we get to decide for ourselves. Where humanity’s fate is in humanity’s hands. This isn’t a war about life and death. The Yeerks don’t want us dead. But it’ll become that, if we go down that road. If we try to fight a war of extinction, we’re going to lose it. The only way out of this war is to make peace and cooperation look better than genocide.”
I clenched my jaw shut. He might be right, you know, Jake had said. Softly, quietly—at night, where none of the others could hear. Visser Three, I mean. What Tobias said, about there being higher forces at work, and us not having to play along with stupid roles. I mean, look at Ax and Temrash. If it means no more Venturas—maybe that is the way we end this.
I hadn’t said anything. Half of me had wanted to scream at him, to scream and yell about everything Temrash had done to Tom, we’d been inside Tom’s mind, he’d seen it, that was his own brother and he was willing to consider compromising with that, even for a split second—
But the other half of me kept throwing up words like pearl clutching and moral grandstanding, kept pointing out that the total badness of ten thousand human slaves in Ventura didn’t hold a candle to the total badness of half a million dead bodies after the asteroid strike. Kept remembering the next night after the mesa, when I couldn’t sleep, when I’d gotten up and acquired my dad—carefully, without waking him—and gone back through all of his memories of the past few months.
I wasn’t sure which hurt worse—the bad parts, or the good ones.
“So don’t start thinking that the way out of this is to kill them all,” I said, my voice still tight. “This isn’t about justice or vengeance, it’s about survival. It’s about freedom, and sovereignty, and choice—about still being alive to make choices. That’s the only thing that matters, and any solution that gets us there is on the table. Has to be on the table. We can’t rule out things we shouldn’t have to do. We’re the Indians, here, not the conquistadores.”
I looked back at the four morphs behind me, the tiger and the python and the eagle and the Hork-Bajir all looking bizarre against the elegant fireplace. David and Professor Woodmansee were still huddled together to one side, David’s face still sickly and gray.
Would the Iscafil device even work on a Yeerk? I’d asked.
Ax hadn’t known. But his best guess was no, since there was no single locus of control for the tech to latch onto, to respond directly to.
And as long as Visser Three was in charge, there was no way to tell a genuine compromise apart from a clever trap.
I looked at the cue cards, at the points we’d laid out for ending the broadcast. They’d seemed okay before, but now that I was here, in the moment, they felt hollow.
So say something else.
“In the meantime, though, we’re fighting. With you, for you, and for as long as we have to. Animorphs, out.”
* * *
“Look at his face. He’s in shock. I get that you did what you had to do, but now, we need to get this innocent child to a hospital.”
“Look, it’s not safe, okay? We just plastered his face all over the internet. We take him to a hospital, he’s going to get snatched up—by the spooks, if he’s lucky, and by Visser Three if he’s not.”
“So what are you going to do, just keep him? That’s—”
“We’re not kidnapping him, obviously. His dad works in Homeland Security, and can keep him safe. We’re taking him straight back to D.C. as soon as the mission’s—”
“No!”
We all jerked at the sudden shriek as David began to struggle weakly against Professor Woodmansee’s embrace. His eyes were still fuzzy and unfocused, but they pointed straight at me as he pleaded, his tone eerily identical to the way it had sounded as his Yeerk was dying. “No, please, don’t, let me stay here, I can help, don’t send me back—”
“David—David, hold still, I’m not going to hurt you—”
“He’s awful, I was going to run away anyway, please—”
‹Marco—›
“—I’ll do whatever you tell me to—”
‹—what do you think—›
“—I don’t need a hospital, I’m okay, I’m fine—”
‹—we should do?›
I gritted my teeth. We didn’t have time for this, Jake and the others had already relayed their status and the clock was ticking—
“—don’t have the legal right to make this decision—”
“—please—”
“—still bleeding—”
‹Marco?›
“Enough,” I snapped, even though it had zero effect on the babble that was pouring into my ears and mind. Reaching for the shredder, I spun the dial to stun and fired a single, brief pulse of energy.
There was a shocked, angry silence.
“No time, not a democracy,” I said, lifting a finger as Professor Woodmansee opened her mouth in outrage. “You agreed to that, going in.”
It probably wouldn’t have worked if I hadn’t been holding a laser gun in my other hand, but—
Well. I was holding a laser gun.
I shifted my gaze. “Garrett.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you take him into your morph, keep him out of harm’s way?”
“Yeah.”
“All right, then. Garrett takes David, Tom takes the camera and the laptop, the rest of you clear out and head to your pickup points. Anji, let Jake’s team know I’m on the way.”
I turned toward the second tripod and grabbed the GoPro off the top, dropping it and the shredder into the backpack I’d stolen earlier in the week. Sending a quick burst of thought to Rachel out in the yard, I continued. “Everyone needs to be out of here in six minutes or less, unless you’ve got a morph that’s fireproof.”
“What—”
“We’re burning the house,” I said. “No idea what kind of fuckery Visser Three might do if he got access to whatever DNA we’ve left in here, plus it’s just a good principle in general.”
“But—”
“I told you we weren’t going to tell you everything. In or out, your call, but if you’re in, this is how it goes. We’re fighting a war, and you’re not the grownup anymore.”
Shouldering the backpack, I gave twin nods to Tom and Sergeant Nickerson, stepped through the sliding glass door, and took off across the grass.
‹That sounded fun.›
‹You were listening?›
‹The whole time—this thing has really good hearing. You’re not exactly a Jake when it comes to dealing with people, huh?›
‹I’m not exactly a Rachel, either.›
‹Touché. Look, given how that went, you want me to follow Woodmansee? Or any of the others?›
I thought for a moment as I reached the edge of the yard and tossed my bag over the fence, wincing at the crunching sound it made on the other side. ‹No,› I said, gripping the thin wooden slats and hauling myself up and over. ‹They’ll either go to their pickup points, or they won’t. Either way, they’re not our problem anymore.›
‹Didn’t peg you for a one-night stand kind of guy.›
‹To be fair, Woodmansee was never really my type. I’m more into beach babes and math nerds.› I landed on the already-damaged plants of the neighbor’s garden and picked up the backpack. ‹Stick to the plan. Torch the house, then the four of you head to the rendezvous. We’ll see you in an hour.›
‹Good luck, Marco.›
‹Thanks. With any luck, we won’t need it.›
* * *
‹Is that you, Marco?›
‹Yeah. Ax? Where are you?›
‹We are in one of the trees. Prince Jake assigned us to keep watch.›
I settled onto the rooftop, fighting the urge to shiver. Andalites didn’t think and speak in words, which meant that the we/us pronoun thing wasn’t a deliberate choice so much as it was the translation tech accurately reflecting Ax’s true meaning. Which might have meant that he was just saying the two of us together are in the trees, or it might have meant something a lot creepier.
‹What’s the situation?› I asked, keeping the line of communication private.
‹Everything is going smoothly. Agent Dill’s impersonation of the floor manager went unnoticed, and he was able to authorize the drug search without raising suspicions. Prince Jake and Tobias detected two Controllers, and identified them to the rest of the team. They have withdrawn, and I believe—›
A high, piercing alarm began to sound, and small lights on each of the corners of the roof began to strobe.
‹—yes, that is the alarm.›
I fluttered over to the edge of the roof and looked down over the loading dock. A stream of blue-uniformed workers had already appeared, each of them running at something close to a sprint as they headed out toward a green-painted section of the parking lot. There was an identical safe zone in the parking lot at the front of the building, too, which would be filling up just as fast—we’d looked it up, and fires at a factory that milled flour were no joke.
‹Thermite’s set, then?›
‹I believe so.›
One part aluminum powder, three parts rust, with a strip of magnesium to make sure the initial fire was hot enough—it would burn through wood, plastic, and metal, and enough little piles of it would completely wreck the critical parts of every piece of machinery inside the processing plant before the regular fire took care of the rest.
And you could buy the ingredients on Ebay. Sergeant Nickerson’s squad had actual explosives, but we were saving those for the moment when we really needed them.
‹We did check to make sure there wasn’t a real fire risk, before—›
‹Yes, Marco. Agent Dill closed down all processes an hour ago, and the ventilation systems have been running at full power since then.›
‹Okay.›
They’d be setting off the thermite some time within the next minute, after which I’d have at least another five minutes before the fire became large enough to threaten the roof. Tilting my head, I scanned the sky, using the osprey’s water-piercing vision to search for the telltale shimmer of an approaching cloaked ship.
Nothing.
Yet.
Would you just relax?
I couldn’t take a particularly deep breath with the osprey’s lungs, so I simply ruffled my feathers and claw-hobbled over to the other side of the roof, trying to shake the urge to check in with Jake directly.
He’s got this. Stop backseat strategizing.
It wasn’t any different from the pool, really—when we’d sent in Garrett and Rachel and Ax and then just sat around waiting.
Except that this time it’s Jake. And this time, there’s no force field, you’re close enough that you could actually DO something—
No.
This was Jake’s half of the show. There was a difference between protectiveness and overprotectiveness.
Reaching the edge, I peered over into the main parking lot. There were another twenty or thirty employees clustered in the green safe zone, most of them blue collar with a small scattering of suits. Two of them—one suit, one worker—were on their knees in handcuffs, as members of Sergeant Nickerson’s squad stood over them, dressed as DEA agents. The rest looked horrified as they split their attention between their colleagues and the smoke that had started to billow from the building’s vents.
Well, almost all the rest—three of them had their phones out, filming as Jake’s human form finished emerging from the furry shape of a German Shepherd, his lips already moving. Even in the osprey body, I felt myself tense—if one of the Controllers had some kind of hidden weapon, or if the Yeerks chose this moment to show up—he was out in the open, without the protection of morph armor—
You know, you didn’t freak out this much before the mesa.
Shoving both threads of thought to the side, I took to the air, flying straight across until I was circling above them, close enough to hear.
“—necessary. I know that doesn’t make it any better, but—”
He paused, and scrubbed at his hair.
“But that’s the way it is. For what it’s worth, we’re willing to offer you the morphing power as a consolation prize, but that comes with its own problems—you’d have to choose between letting the government grab you or going on the run with both them and the Yeerks after you. I wouldn’t recommend it for anybody with other options, especially not if you’ve got family out there.”
There was a sharp crack from the building behind him, and he broke off again, turning. I followed suit, banking just in time to see the glass from one of the giant windows near the roof fall and shatter against the pavement, tendrils of flame licking out of the gaping hole and darkening the wall.
“In the meantime, these agents are going to take these two into Washington, with the rest of the survivors that V—that Esplin dropped off last week. They’ll be held until the Yeerks are starved out of their heads and they’re free humans again.”
Jake reached out to touch their shoulders, his fingers just high enough to brush the skin of their necks—a casual-seeming gesture, but with the osprey’s sight I could see the lethargy of the acquiring trance come over both of their faces.
“How do we know you’re not Yeerks?” came a quavering voice from the crowd.
Jake smiled—a small, sad smile. “If we were, you wouldn’t be asking that question,” he said.
Then he nodded to the agents, who formed up around him—all but one, who stayed to guard the two Controllers—and together they turned and began walking away from the building. A handful of people seemed to waver with indecision, and then two started after them, stopping in their tracks as I broadcast:
‹Wouldn’t do that if I were you. You do that, and you’re our newest recruit.›
The pair looked at each other for a long, long moment, and then split, one running forward, the other falling back.
‹Jake,› I began, but he was already turning, warned by Ax or Tobias or his own sixth sense. He raised a hand, made a casual come on gesture, and continued walking.
In the distance, sirens approached.
* * *
‹That went well.›
‹Yeah. Maybe too well? Like, suspiciously well?›
‹The whole thing took less than an hour. Visser Three can’t be everywhere. And besides, even if he can, as long as he’s committed to this whole new leaf charade….›
‹Yeah. I guess so.›
‹There were just two of them, then?›
‹Probably more, once you account for the fact that there are multiple shifts. But we’ll let Nickerson know who the others were as soon as we get to the rendezvous point, and she’ll put the APB out.›
‹We going to keep her with us?›
‹I don’t know. They definitely helped us out this time. Can you imagine trying to cobble together the broadcast ourselves, with stolen equipment? Not to mention that a team of four would’ve had a pretty hard time pulling off the factory part.›
‹True.›
‹But I still get this itchy, creepy feeling, you know? Like, not because of her. Just a sense that we should stay as far off the grid as we can, at least for now.›
‹Yeah. That, and stay small. Tight-knit.›
‹What, that’s it? No objections? No making me explain myself?›
‹Nope.›
‹Who are you, and what have you done with Marco?›
‹I just figured I’d quit making you prove what you’ve already proved, I guess.›
‹Oh. …Thanks.›
‹No problem, Fearless Leader.›
* * *
“China,” Jake said, dropping heavily to the mulch floor.
“That’s it?” I asked.
He nodded grimly. “It started about six weeks ago, and unfortunately, that’s as much as these two know. There’s a third guy, Benjamin Dufreyne—Nickerson’s already left to track him down. I sent Rachel with her, and Tobias is following on the DL. If he hasn’t already spooked, they’ll get him.”
“Dufreyne knows where the oatmeal was being shipped?”
“Yeah. Exact address and everything.”
I grimaced. “There won’t be anything left by the time we get there.”
Jake nodded again, his eyes tracing around the ad-hoc campsite. We’d gotten pretty good at making them over the past month—there was a fire crackling merrily in a clean, round pit, and a handful of lean-tos up against a nearby hillside. Just outside one of them, Tom was locked in conversation with the worker who’d followed us, both of their expressions dark and serious. The remaining half of Sergeant Nickerson’s squad was circled up outside another, playing cards with my dad as they sat on their packs.
“How about this?” Jake gestured down at the body lying between me and Garrett.
“Nothing yet,” I said.
“We were deciding whether to talk to him first, or just check him out via morph,” Garrett added. He had curled up next to Ax as soon as he’d finished releasing David from morph-stasis, and the pair of them were watching Jake with all six eyes.
“What’s the deal?” Jake asked.
“Went berserk a little bit after the Yeerk died out of his head,” I said. “Started shouting that he didn’t want to go back to his dad, that he wanted to stay and help us. I kind of got the sense that there was maybe some abuse or something?”
Jake sighed. “You stunned him before stashing him away?”
“Yeah. He should wake up any minute.”
“Let’s talk to him, then. We can still do a morph check, after. You already acquire him?”
I nodded.
“All right.”
We sat in silence for several minutes, each of us thinking our own thoughts.
China.
It was—
—a big place, was all my brain would provide. An address would definitely help narrow things down, but there was no way Visser Three would fail to close that loophole. After the factory, his operational security would be completely airtight.
Which just brought us right back around to the question of what we would do next. We’d given the world two separate examples of currently-active Controllers operating on Earth, and left at least four morphers for the government to find, protect, and—hopefully—publicize.
Maybe we should just sit back and see what happens.
But even as I thought it, I knew it was wrong. There was something we could do to be proactive—something other than just throwing the Iscafil device around. There had to be. Maybe we could get Paul Evans to reconnect us with Tyagi, or spend some more time figuring out the Chee—
David jerked up into a sitting position.
“Whoa!” Jake called out, holding up his hands in a calming, conciliatory gesture. “Hang on, hang on, hang on.”
Twenty paces away, the four Marines—or whatever they were—had snapped into readiness, leaping to their feet and fanning out in a wide arc, covering half of the space that David might have chosen to escape through. Beside me, Garrett and Ax remained very, very still, and I wondered whether Garrett had put on his morph armor and had access to his psionic weapon.
Slowly, as if trying not to startle us, David rose to his feet, his eyes wide and hunted, his skin still looking clammy and cold. “What—where—”
His gaze landed on me, and for a split second, I thought I saw his expression tighten—eyes narrowing, lip curling—but it was gone by the time I looked closer, and could easily have been my imagination.
“My name is Jake, David. Jake Berenson.”
David said nothing, his slender fingers twitching and flexing as if he were fighting the urge to clench them into fists.
“Do you—I mean, were you—awake? While you were—”
“Yeah. I know who you are.”
“Okay. Good.” Moving slowly, smoothly, Jake eased into a cross-legged position, his hands in his lap, his back upright. “First off, I’m sorry.”
David said nothing for a long moment, his eyes tracing as far as they could as he checked over each shoulder. The soldiers kept their distance, their hands off their weapons.
“For what?” David asked evenly, as he brought his eyes back around to Jake, this time passing over me as if I weren’t even there.
“Stunning you. Keeping you prisoner. For taking you away from your house in the first place, too—we didn’t want you to get snatched up by the other Yeerks.”
David was silent.
“Marco says you don’t want to go back.”
More silence.
“Is that true?”
A nod.
“Why?”
A pause as David looked around again, and then—
“He hits me.”
Jake and I exchanged glances.
“Your dad?” Jake asked.
Another nod.
“Okay. Is that really enough reason to—”
“He hits me hard.”
Jake fell silent, and the moment stretched out. I could see David relaxing, inch by inch—his breathing slowing, the tension leaking out of his shoulders, his face. By the time he spoke again, he looked almost calm, his voice level and controlled.
“You’re fighting aliens. Right?”
Jake nodded.
“Those—people—who snatched me. The dinosaur guys, and the thing they put inside my head—Daskan. That’s who you’re fighting.”
“Yes.”
“And you—you can change into animals. You’re aliens, too?”
Jake shook his head. “No. Just regular people with some alien technology.”
David turned his head pointedly—
“Well, yeah. He’s an alien. His name is Ax. My name is—”
“Jake. You said. And the others. Tobias—he’s the one missing a hand? The one who got me out after the spaceship crashed? And—and Marco, and Tom, and Garrett, and Rachel. Marco’s dad. And these new guys.”
“You’ve been paying attention.”
“Something about an asteroid.”
“The bad guy—Visser Three. Right before you got taken—”
“Ventura. That was him? That was aliens?”
“Yeah.”
“Why’d they snatch me?”
I felt something tugging at my attention, a note of dissonance. Something was off—
“They wanted your dad. They were going to use you to get to him.”
“Why’d they want him?”
“Because they’d figured out he’d been meeting with us.”
And then it clicked, as I watched David’s face remain absolutely unmoved—as he showed no reaction at all to the things Jake was saying.
He was hiding. Faking. Lying, maybe—if the Yeerk in his head had told him its name, then it was unlikely it hadn’t told him anything else. But either way, he was trying not to let us see what he knew, what he was really thinking and feeling—
Well, no shit. What would you be doing, in his shoes?
“Because he’s helping you,” David said flatly. “Helping you fight.”
“Yeah.”
“And now he knows I’m alive.”
“Probably, yeah.”
“Are you going to send me back?”
“Probably.”
“Why?”
Another long silence. Jake tilted his head, looking up at the boy, his own face open and sympathetic. “Because you’re a kid?” he said gently.
“He’s a kid,” David said, gesturing at Garrett. “He’s littler than me.”
“He doesn’t have a family.”
“I don’t have a family. Just an abusive asshole dad.”
Another note of dissonance. I shot a sidelong glance at Jake, trying to see if he was picking up on it, too.
What are you talking about, of course he’s picking up on it, if you noticed it—
I said nothing.
“Let’s say we didn’t send you back, then,” Jake said carefully. “What would you do?”
“Stay here and help.”
“And if we didn’t let you do that?”
“Let me go. I can take care of myself.”
“They’ll be looking for you. The government and the Yeerks both. They all know what you look like, now.”
Thanks to us.
I watched the kid’s face—like calm water—as he looked at Jake, at me, at Garrett and Ax. Thinking. Weighing. Making a careful decision—
“Not if you gave me that shapeshifting ability.”
“Who says we even can?” Jake hedged.
“I’ve been paying attention.”
‹Marco, can you answer back?›
I waited until David’s eyes were elsewhere, then shook my head fractionally no.
‹Okay, just listen,› Jake said, thinking in short fragments as he continued arguing with David aloud. ‹I think we could maybe—use this kid—I’m getting a sort of—Tobias-type vibe off him—like he can take care—of himself.›
“—gave it to that professor woman—”
“—she was helping us—”
“—I could help you—”
‹Not confident—talking like—five percent chance. But there’s definitely—something going on—under the surface there—and I can’t tell if it’s—because—abuse—or what. I want to watch—how he reacts—to you going through—his mind, okay? So get ready—to morph—›
“—deserve something, all of this stuff is your fault, you guys can’t just send me back to my dad and act like—”
“We can, actually,” Jake said, an edge of steel entering his tone as he interrupted the smaller boy. “We’re fighting a war, here, as you’ve clearly noticed, and as much as we might owe you, we’ve got a lot bigger fish to fry. You want to talk about joining up, that’s the first thing you’ll have to get straight, is that fair doesn’t really come into it.”
David nodded—his face still just that tiniest bit too calm, with not even a flicker of anger or annoyance at being cut off, bossed around.
Maybe his dad bosses him around, too. Maybe his dad doesn’t like backtalk.
“Marco,” Jake said, his eyes still locked on David’s.
I stood up.
“There’s this thing about morphing tech,” Jake continued. “We know how to use it to look inside somebody’s head. To see their thoughts and memories and personality. To find out whether they’re telling the truth or not.”
I could feel myself shrinking just the tiniest bit, the sensation like falling in slow motion as my clothes grew baggy and loose, as my skin lightened from copper to khaki.
“So Marco’s going to take a quick look inside your head, see what you’re like from the inside, find out if you’re telling the truth or not.”
“And if I am?”
“If you are, then maybe this conversation keeps going, and we give you a chance to explain why you’d be worth the hassle of telling your dad we somehow lost his kid. Who knows—maybe you can help us. But if not….”
Jake trailed off, his eyes intent on David’s face.
David didn’t flinch. Just nodded, and crossed his arms, and watched, as my hair grew out and softened and my arms and legs thickened. Another minute passed, and we were eye to eye, identical in height as we were in everything else.
‹Here goes,› I whispered to Jake, and I reached inside for the tiny mental lever—
Click.
It was like I had dropped into the Arctic ocean, or been teleported into outer space.
Cold.
Sharp.
Stark.
Vast.
David’s mind was like an empty prison cell, a spiderweb made out of razor blades. There was no sensation of color—no subtlety or chaos—no feeling or sentiment of any kind. Just a freezing, keen clarity, the workings of an emotionless machine.
Wordless, I opened up his memories—
His initial, feral surge against the Yeerk Daskan, a wave of unhinged fury that scoured the inside of his mind with fire and rage, and the immediate, almost total capitulation when he saw that it hadn’t worked—
The burning humiliation as Mrs. Hanes called him up to the front of the room, she knew he hadn’t read the chapter, she knew it and she was doing this just to hurt him—
The bottomless fury as his mother left, she left him with his father, and even as she left she knew that he would blame David, knew that she was making it worse and she did it anyway, and the results were exactly as expected, like clockwork—
A dozen, a hundred, maybe a thousand instances, an unending madhouse reflection of the same moment over and over again, no matter what David did, there was no way out, no way out, the pain was coming and there was nothing you could do to avoid it—
I saw the forging of a fury so white-hot it was practically a laser, able to come and go in an instant.
I saw the fear that was both the hammer and the anvil—not so much his father’s abuse but the helplessness surrounding it, the gibbering, unbearable sensation of being trapped, cornered, of wanting to claw at the walls until your fingernails bled but knowing there was no point.
And I saw, strung between those twin poles of rage and terror, in the emptiness where a human soul should have been, a single, pure, and crystalline insight—that there was no justice, no balance, no morality to protect and no protector to rely on. That there was nothing to pursue except his own satisfaction, and no boundary to that pursuit except his sense of self-preservation.
‹Jake,› I began, trying to keep the horror out of my—
—fleeting disorientation—
‹What’s the word, Marco?›
I began to demorph, feeling relaxed, confident—almost hopeful. ‹We definitely want this kid,› I said. ‹Forget being another Tobias—I think he might be another you.›
‹Oh?›
‹Yeah,› I said, closing down the mental copy of the kid so he wouldn’t suffer. ‹Very solid. Perceptive, helpful, loyal, looks out for the little guy. Leader type.›
‹His dad?›
‹Not gonna be happy, but I vote it’s a price worth paying.›
Jake turned back toward David, gave him a slow, respectful nod. “Marco says good things,” he said. “Let’s keep talking.”
The boy nodded back, his expression unchanged, a picture of calm, cool confidence.
Chapter 34: Interlude 9
Notes:
The next chapter will be posted within ten minutes.
Chapter Text
Interlude 9
“So, here’s what you need to understand. At some point, one of you is going to get captured by the Yeerks. It’s inevitable, just a matter of time. And when that happens, they’re going to know everything. Everything you’ve seen, everything we’ve told you, they’re going to replay this conversation right here a thousand times until they’ve squeezed out every little detail they can, whether you thought it was important or not. And then they’re going to come for us, and they’re going to kill us, because us they can’t infest. So until somebody else invents Yeerk-proof earplugs, every last one of you is a liability. You’re a ticking time bomb. You’re the noose around our throat.”
“But then why—”
“Because you stepped up. You volunteered. Humanity still needs you—it’s just that we don’t. We’re not stopping you from fighting, we just can’t let you fight with us.”
“But how—”
“Look, I’m fourteen, okay? You’ll figure it out, trust me. Acquire as many animals and people as you can, stay in morph as often as possible, and try to keep your head down. And when the time comes—do what needs to be done.”
“So you’re just ditching me? I can’t—I mean, there’s no way that I can—”
“None. Sorry. Better go ahead and swallow that now.”
“But then what’s—what are you going to—”
“I’m going to put this blindfold on you, and then we’re going to drop you off somewhere nice and quiet and safe. You’re going to count to a thousand, you’re going to take the blindfold off, and you’re never going to try to find us again. I’d recommend you not go home, either, but—well, you’re going to make your own decisions, I guess. Oh, and count slow—we probably won’t waste half an hour making sure you don’t peek, but we do have laser guns, and there is a war on. So.”
“You—but—I—”
“Yeah. Welcome to the resistance, pal.”
Chapter 35: Chapter 26: Aximili
Notes:
This is a DOUBLE POST—if you missed Interlude 9, don't forget to go back and check that out.
Special thanks to all of the readers who sent messages of encouragement over the past few months; it mattered, a lot. The organization I work for (the Center for Applied Rationality) has finished its spring sprint, which means that instead of having four full-time-job-sized things eating up my time, I only have three. Committing to posting the next update by Sunday, June 4th.
This one may receive some edits in the next few days; depends on whether people have any complaints over at r/rational. Speaking of which, you should go check out r/rational (or if that's too much work, just leave a comment right here ;). As always, I am immensely grateful for each and every word you choose to write about r!Animorphs, and the more you feed me, the more motivated I am to get writing every morning.
Chapter Text
Chapter 26: Aximili
[A SECOND SUN RISES ABOVE THE HORIZON, ITS BRIGHT, BLUISH LIGHT MIXING WITH THE DEEP MAGENTA OF ITS COMPANION, CHANGING THE COLOR OF EVERYTHING BELOW…
I thought, and the warm chorus around me received the thought, reverberated with it, refracted and reflected it back so that even as the idea emerged from me I could see it in its entirety—from the outside, from behind, from every possible angle. I could see the ripples of its impact, the way it changed the chorus and was changed by it, and I could feel those ripples, too—was both a part of the experience as well as its witness, was both myself and the others even as their different voices rose and fell in response—as I rose and fell in response.
It was—
Harmony.
(Synchrony.)
‹Synergy.›
‹Balance.›
{—warmth—}
It was all of those and more, eib and dain and something deeper, not merely Aximili and Temrash, nor even a simple union of the two, but also Elfangor and even—incredibly—the shadow of Tom Berenson, some dain-like corner of Temrash that had shaped itself around the human boy with such fidelity that now it thought it was him.
(It was unprecedented, at least as far as Temrash knew. But then, there had never been such a transfer, mind to mind after days of coherence, without the dissolution of the sharing in between. Had they returned to the pool, the shadow would have been washed away—would have been broken up, distributed, absorbed and reintegrated, losing all definition in the process. But somehow, in the leap from Tom’s head to my own, the delicate imprint had been preserved, enough for it to think and feel if not quite rich enough for it to truly live and speak.)
And we were together, all four of us—present with an immediacy I would not have thought possible, the Yeerk neuro-flesh having somehow slowly bridged all of the gaps, worn down all of the barriers, until it now allowed every part of my experience to touch every part of theirs and even forged new connections between parts of my mind that had never before been adjacent.
None of us understood how it had happened—whether it was a fluke, a random accident, a trick of the Ellimist, or whether this would always happen between Yeerk and Andalite—
(—and thus had happened once before—)
—or whether it had somehow emerged from the choices each of us had made, was in some strange way a decision, our own doing.
But whatever the reason, it was beautiful. A thing to be protected, a promise of what could be. We had each of us been thrust higher by the joining, beyond tree-stretch and into cloud-drift, and from our new perspective we could see, for the first time, the true-dark madness of Esplin’s crusade.
“Chinese government declares U.S. leadership ‘clearly compromised,’ will not agree to summit.”
Chaos.
“‘Animorphs’ broadcast tops eight billion views.”
Confusion.
“Russian military sequestered. Putin: ‘The Russian people are united in resolve, and the vermin will find no shelter among us.’”
Mistrust.
“Scheller, Carr, Woodmansee to appear before Senate Committee on Homeland Security. Taylor, Nickerson, Poznanski whereabouts unknown.”
A species turned against itself. A galaxy turned against itself—a handful of lifeforms astonishingly capable of cooperation, of cohabitation, twisted and pitted against one another.
“Israel enacts five-day quarantine at border.”
Divide and conquer.
“Looting, riots continue as ‘resistance groups’ take to L.A. streets.”
Except that divide and conquer was a human idea, an echo out of the shadow of Tom Berenson. Humans in their strange hermitage could afford to play such games. Among Andalites, that level of disunity meant the ruin of whole continents.
“U.N. endorses ‘Hanson plan’ to decentralize decisionmaking power into prediction markets.”
And among Yeerks, it simply meant death.
“Former SecDef Mattis: ‘Stop making plans the enemy can steal,’ advocates focus on flexibility, autonomy, reactivity.”
This is the chaos the Visser seeks. This is what he wants. Somehow, this is a step along the path to his victory.
“Animorphs: all-American or all alien? An analysis.”
Why? we clamored, myself and Elfangor and Temrash and Tom. To what end? For what purpose? What prize could possibly justify such waste?
“Brazil to host ‘open constitutional convention’ to draft human-Yeerk peace treaty; governor of California calls for censure, sanctions.”
Except that it wasn’t a question—not really. The answer was clear, for all that it was senseless. It took only logic to envision and only emptiness to execute. We simply did not want to face it—did not want to acknowledge that any being—any Yeerk, any Andalite, any fusion of the two—could be so—
So—
{—cold—}
“Short-term housing crisis emerges as final path for global flyover confirmed; two hundred million expected to flood cities along route.”
Marco looked up at the last word, lowering the tablet to his side. “It goes on like that for about three pages,” he said, his voice flat and heavy. “Those’re just the ones with over twenty thousand karma in the past twelve hours.”
We kept our main eyes on Marco as our stalks swept around the circle—another clearing, another campfire, another nondescript patch of Earth. Prince Jake and Sergeant Nickerson, standing rigid like twin trees as the soldiers behind them squatted on stumps, playing cards. Rachel, pacing, her arms bent impossibly after the fashion of humans so that they clasped behind her back. Garrett and Tobias, pretending stone, the smaller boy leaning against the larger, held close by the arm that still had a hand. The newcomer, David, who somehow managed to be looking back at us whenever our eyes turned toward him. Our sibling, Essak-and-Peter, who were silent, saying nothing, their face heavy with what Tom Berenson’s ghost told us was grief and weary despair.
And the true Tom Berenson, coincidentally close to his brother, coincidentally distant from us. We kept our gaze short and light and hopefully unobtrusive—Tom did not like Temrash, which meant that Tom did not like me.
‹Focus, Aximili. Priorities.›
We conferred briefly, myself and Temrash and our respective shadows, a swift interchange of thought and meaning as our four perspectives crashed together and settled into consensus. Temrash made a cautious bid to serve as mouthpiece, and the rest of us acquiesced.
‹How are people acting in the comments?› we asked, Temrash expertly translating the question into smooth, natural human speech. ‹What’s getting upvoted?›
“Everything,” Marco said, his expression sour. “It’s like it was after Ventura, only ten times more. People are all over the place.”
Look at what has happened, assume it is the intended result…
“Still no sign of Yeerk intervention?” Rachel asked.
“Nothing obvious. V3 could be behind a bunch of this in non-obvious ways, though. Obviously.”
“China,” Garrett ventured.
Marco shrugged.
“What’s this flyover thing?” David asked.
Sergeant Nickerson raised a hand, and the circle’s attention shifted toward her. “President Tyagi’s idea,” she explained. “Trying to win the credibility game. Right now, there are so many conflicting perspectives—and so little hard evidence—that people don’t know what to believe. CiC’s ordered the people at Edwards to prep the Bug fighter for a loop around the globe—low altitude and slow when passing over any major population center. Wants everyone to have a chance to see the thing, take pictures, maybe stop claiming that it’s hoaxes all the way down.”
“That—sounds risky.”
“No shit. Any number of people could take a potshot at it, and some of them might have something bigger than a bottle rocket. And it could be bad news the other way around, if there’s some kind of booby trap the eggheads couldn’t find. Last I heard, they were giving each country a chance to say no, just in case somebody’s scared it’s a Trojan horse.”
“They did,” Marco confirmed, as Elfangor and I absorbed the meaning of the phrase Trojan horse from Tom and Temrash. “China, Russia, and North Korea all turned it down. So did Israel, Switzerland, Poland, the Phillipines, Iran. Few other smaller ones. Mostly people said yes, though. Trip includes like seventeen out of the twenty biggest cities on the planet.”
“Um,” Rachel cut in. “What are the odds it is a Trojan horse? I mean, that’s kind of a weird idea to come up with in the first place, and that’s a lot of humans. Doesn’t Tokyo have, like, almost forty million people in it just by itself?”
“When’s the flyby?” Jake asked.
“Day after tomorrow,” Sergeant Nickerson answered. “Starts in about thirty-six hours.”
“Okay,” Jake said heavily. “So we add that to the list.”
A list that already included a small island off the coast of Alaska, a large warehouse in the middle of industrial China, and a basement full of inscrutable, untrustworthy androids—and those were the less desperate options.
Stop this, we thought, four voices as one. And then—
‹Stop.›
They looked around the circle, searching for the source of the word.
‹It was us,› we said, and then—after only a slight hesitation—‹Aximili.›
They turned toward us, and we struggled to put our thoughts in order, to form them into words of sufficient clarity and cogency. There was something here, something critical—something we would all regret missing, human and Yeerk and Andalite alike.
‹We think we’re making a mistake,› we said slowly. ‹Going about this the wrong way.›
Curiosity. Patience. Trust. They looked at us with open, naked confidence, secure in the expectation that the things we had to say were worth listening to.
Don’t you see, it’s all backwards, this is what the Visser is trying to kill, and it’s working—
‹There’s a technique they teach to Andalite cadets,› we began, carefully feeling our way forward. ‹It turns out, if you ask a cadet to tell you what might go wrong with the plan he’s devised, he almost never produces anything useful. There’s something in the mind that flinches away from thoughts of failure—that only wants to think of the best-case scenario, pretend that bad things never happen.›
We paused as a sudden swell of emotion rose within us, as each individual part of ourselves became intensely aware of just how very far from home it was.
‹You have to start with the assumption of failure,› we continued, doing our best to keep the pain out of our voice. ‹You tell the cadet that it did go wrong, that there was no way it could have succeeded—and then you ask him to explain why.›
We turned our main eyes toward Prince Jake, took in the rest of them with a sweep of our stalks. If we could only make them see—
‹The part of the mind which explains—which looks for connections and patterns, seeks consistency and coherence—it’s a different structure entirely. And when you try to tell the story of failure, and you find that it’s easy to tell, easier than the story of success—›
We broke off again. Help us, Prince Jake, we whispered.
But we did not say it aloud.
“We already know this one, Ax,” Rachel said, and I knew—because Tom and Temrash knew—that her tone was meant to be soothing and gentle. “We did that with the Chinese warehouse, remember? When we decided it was probably a trap?”
‹No,› we said, and this time the frustration was audible. We had given them the wrong thread to pull, said the wrong words. Connections and patterns—there was a revelation here, waiting to be had. We could sense it—feel its hugeness—we just couldn’t quite see it—
Start over.
‹Look,› we said, trying a different tack. ‹All of this. This chaos, this—this—unraveling. This is no plan. It’s the absence of a plan. And the Visser—›
We threw up our hands, only noticing after the fact that the gesture was entirely human.
‹The Visser has not responded. No messages, no visible action of any kind. He is simply allowing it to happen. Allowing us to chip away at the edges of his façade, allowing us to erode the machinery he left behind.›
There was a silence.
“Okay,” Prince Jake began—
‹Why?› we shouted.
Another silence.
“Because he’s—”
‹No,› we broke in—still sharply, but calmer, with less emotion. ‹Not all at once. Not with one brain. The human power—don’t you see? Separately—›
The translator offered up a word.
‹—without anchoring one another.›
We weren’t sure if we had communicated the question—if we had managed to communicate anything at all. But they fell silent, all of them, their faces taking on the look of humans-in-thought—even Tom, though he took a moment to spare us a withering glare first.
And we turned inward as well, the four of us—looking deeper, following the path, trusting the shared instinct that told us there was something to uncover.
Disunity—isolation—misdirection—outmaneuver—dispatch—
America—China—Aftran—Telor—
Human—Yeerk—Andalite—Chee—
“Can we talk now?” Marco asked after a time, his voice brittle.
We nodded, the human gesture this time deliberate.
“So, the obvious answer is—”
‹No,› we broke in again. ‹Sorry—sorry to cut you off, but no, Marco, not like that. Not—not shaped, not primed, not obvious. You aren’t—you can’t—›
We trailed off, turning all four eyes to meet his, watching the struggle of emotion on his face, impatience and frustration and curiosity and doubt. He held the silence—deliberately, with difficulty, but he held it.
Because on some level, he understands.
‹You’re not the only one with thoughts,› we said quietly.
There was another long moment, and then he nodded.
“Okay. Fair enough. One possibility is that he’s not intervening because he can’t. He’s stretched too thin, doesn’t have the resources or doesn’t want to take the risk. Another—”
“Wait,” Garrett interjected. “Should we—I mean, isn’t it somebody else’s turn?”
Marco’s face twisted, and he spun quarter-circle, crossing his arms, but again he held the silence.
“I was thinking,” Rachel said, cutting the tension, “that maybe the whole point was chaos.”
She straightened as we all turned toward her, her voice steady if perhaps a shade too brash. “Like, he’s smarter than us, right? And he knows it. So maybe the idea is to make things complicated enough that even he can barely stay on top of it, and hope the rest of us can’t keep up. Complicated enough that everybody else ends up chasing their own tails.”
There was a sort of rustling around the circle, as if a breeze had swept past. Half of them were frowning, and Marco turned back, his brow furrowed. “That—”
“—makes sense,” Tobias cut in. “But hang on, should we go around before we dig into any one idea?”
There was a pause, and no one spoke, so he shrugged. “Okay, guess I’ll go. I was thinking—at the factory, we were ready for him, you know? We had weapons. Cameras. Witnesses. If he’d come in guns blazing—maybe he’s too cautious to fall for anything that might be a trap.”
He turned to look at Prince Jake, and the rest of us followed suit.
Jake shrugged, too. “I was mainly just thinking, disappearing was probably the best thing he could have done, as far as the situation on Earth goes. Like, we’re basically at each other’s throats, by now, and the longer things stay uncertain, the worse that’s going to get. Maybe he’s hiding because he doesn’t want to present anything like a unifying threat, that would make us all stop bickering and work together. Like in Ender’s Game or Watchmen or Independence Day.”
There were more frowns, now. More furrowed brows and twisted lips, the unstable confusion of too many plausible answers.
“There’s more,” said Essak-and-Peter, their voice hoarse from lack of use. “Not just the Yeerks on Earth…”
They trailed off, and Tom Berenson picked up the thread. “This could be a ploy,” he said. “We know there’s political tension in the Yeerk command structure. If things on Earth are coming to a head, maybe nobody has time to ask awkward questions, and that’s good for whatever scheme Visser Three wants to railroad through.”
“Or maybe something’s up with the larger war,” Garrett ventured. “Like, it could have nothing to do with us at all. He could be putting out fires somewhere else.”
We looked around the circle. The Animorphs—and Essak-and-Peter—were deep in thought, each staring in a different direction. The adult soldiers remained silent, their eyes dancing back and forth between their playing cards and their leader, Sergeant Nickerson. She herself said nothing.
So you see, it doesn’t matter which explanation for the chaos is true, only that the existence of so much of it means it’s somehow instrumental for the Visser—that it’s somehow furthering his aims, must be useful to his goals—
And then we saw it. The clear answer, the revelation that had been hiding behind our uncertainty—so obvious in retrospect.
Temrash. Elfangor. Can this be true?
We examined the idea from multiple angles, subjected it to a whirlwind of skepticism and critique. It withstood the first wave of objections, and the second, and the third. Around us, the human voices were speaking again; we ignored them.
Quarantine.
Temrash would not have noticed it. Aximili would not have noticed it. Even Elfangor, as heterodox as he had been, might not have been aware—
—especially if the Ellimist is nudging things into place around the edges.
But Tom Berenson—with the shadow of the human in our mind, we could clearly see a different path, a different way—could imagine interrogations, espionage, prisoners-of-war, could envision propaganda and defection—
‹We must open communications with the Yeerks,› we blurted out, interrupting the other lines of conversation. ‹With the Yeerks, and with the Andalites as well.›
“What—across hyperspace?”
‹Yes. It—›
We hesitated. How much to communicate?
‹This war. It isn’t self-sustaining. It’s not—there isn’t enough pressure to keep it going. The Yeerks want off planet, but that’s it—they don’t have a fundamental need to spread and conquer, just look at Temrash and Essak. And the Andalites are only fighting to stop the expansion.›
“And to eradicate—”
‹Yes,› we agreed, cutting across Essak-and-Peter. ‹But that assessment is based on the assumption that the Yeerks are an inexorable threat. That they can only be defeated through extinction. Once this is understood to be false—›
“But Esplin doesn’t want it to be understood,” Jake breathed.
‹Yes. We have been deceived, all of us—this war is not Yeerks versus Andalites, Yeerks versus humans. We have all been made puppets—by Esplin.›
* * *
“And you never even questioned it? Even after Alloran turned out to have had a Yeerk in his head for weeks?”
‹The reasoning seemed sound in and of itself, and the doctrine won us several important battles—›
“—battles Esplin wouldn’t have thrown to you if Yeerk victory was the real goal. God dammit.”
It had taken some time to explain. How Alloran’s last memorandum, combined with a few early disasters after listening to rescued hosts, had led the Andalites to fight their defensive war entirely siloed from the enemy. How the Yeerks had responded in kind, meaning that the war had been fought with virtually no communication whatsoever—only the occasional epithet, shouted before a prisoner could be stunned and either infested or liberated.
‹It stands to reason that this is not by chance—that Esplin has in fact put forth significant effort to bring about this result—and therefore that we should attempt to undermine it. At worst, we can muddy the waters ourselves, sow dissent and confusion. And at best—›
“—we can peace treaty this bitch right out from under him.”
“Can you do it, Ax?” Jake asked, leaning toward us and fixing us with a steady look. “Can you actually convince your people?”
“Forget that,” Tom bit out. “Can you actually build a transmitter at all?”
We closed our eyes, all four of them, opening ourselves up to one another. Flickers of information, lines of inquiry, gaps of uncertainty—
‹Essak,› we said. ‹Do you have memories of Bug fighters? Their design, their capabilities?›
Essak-and-Peter nodded.
‹May we join together?›
There was a tense stiffening. ‹For a few moments only,› we hastened to add. ‹We consent to supervision. To guard at gunpoint, even.›
“Ax,” Tobias said, reaching out to rest a hand on the expanse of fur behind our skull. “If Temrash and Essak decide not to let you go—”
‹Oh, come on,› we said, bleeding some of Tom’s inflection into our speech. ‹Seriously? This whole plan relies on people being willing to entertain the idea of peaceful coexistence—peaceful cooperation. If you can’t even trust Temrash and Essak with a loaded gun pointed at them—›
There was a long silence in which Jake, Marco, Tobias, and Sergeant Nickerson exchanged several glances and probably several thoughts.
“Fine,” Jake said. “Time-boxed to five minutes. Agreed?”
Essak-and-Peter nodded again. ‹Agreed,› we said. And then, six minutes later—
‹We can do it. We should be able to assemble something using only human technology—based on what we have seen, you have the capacity to manufacture most of what is needed. It would help to have Peter present, given his technical expertise. But—›
“What?”
‹There is one element beyond human engineering. A transponder, for relaying messages across the Z-space manifold. And my cradle does not have one.›
“So you’re saying—”
‹Yes. To pull this off, we need access to a Yeerk ship.›
* * *
“Ax.”
Slowly, slowly, we lifted ourselves out of the quiet of the hirac, turning our attention outwards once more. In the stillness below, sparks of life and awareness that were Essak-and-Peter lapsed back into sleep. They were not with us as fully as Temrash and Elfangor, nor even as fully as Tom, but they were with us, and had remained even as Essak departed.
It was a heady feeling, and it was with difficulty that we forced ourselves to focus.
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
A moment passed in silence.
“Is that supposed to mean something specific?”
‹What?›
“Prince.”
‹Ah.› We thought carefully, leaning heavily on Tom’s sense-of-his-brother and our own memories of Prince Jake on the mesa. ‹Yes. It means something somewhat different from royalty, but there is no simple match for the concept in your mind. When you hear ‘prince,’ we hear—›
We faltered. ‹It is something like ‘one-who-commands,’ except that command is not the word. ‘One-who-owns’ is similarly wrong-but-close. ‘One-who-wields,’ perhaps?›
“Wields? Like—like a weapon?”
‹Perhaps. More like a limb or a tail. A prince holds court in the eib, in the shared space where decisions occur. To name you prince is to say that some portion of our will has been given over to you—that in some part you think for us.›
Prince Jake considered this, a shadow seeming to cross his face. “I don’t know if I like that,” he said.
‹You may order us to drop the title, and you will be obeyed.›
“That’s not—”
He broke off, and then a grin spread slowly across his face. “Was that a joke?”
We dipped our head in acknowledgement.
“Seriously, though. Are you sure that’s something you want to do? I mean, something you want to do, and not—not something you—”
‹Inherited?›
“It did start right when you and Temrash—”
He didn’t finish the sentence.
‹It began sooner than that,› we said. ‹We simply weren’t ready to admit it until then.›
Prince Jake’s mouth twisted in a way that Tom found deeply familiar, and he dropped his eyes toward the ground. “Fine,” he said, his tone strangely hollow. “Any conditions I should know about? Expectations? Responsibilities?”
‹Only that you bear the burden of my remembrance, should I fall at your command.›
He nodded solemnly, and for a moment we lapsed back into silence, the only sound the chorus of insects in the nearby foliage.
After a time, he spoke again. “We’re in on the Bug Fighter,” he said simply. “Nickerson’s been in contact with Tyagi, and she gave us the all-clear a few minutes ago. They’re hoping the broken one has what you need, but if not, they’re at least theoretically willing to have you take a look at the one Visser Three dropped off.”
He fixed me with a level look. “I take it I don’t need to say a whole lot about how the one Visser Three dropped off is way more likely to be bugged or booby trapped or otherwise unpleasant?”
‹Understood.›
“Good.” Leaning back, Prince Jake stretched out along the ground, folding his arms behind his head to form a cushion, his eyes turned up toward the sky. We followed his gaze with our stalks, noting the faint haze that still lingered after Ventura, dimming and haloing the sun.
‹There are some complications,› Prince Jake continued in private thought-speak, seeming to make a point out of not looking in our direction.
‹Surprise, surprise,› we answered, following his lead and giving no sign.
He frowned, his gaze flickering toward us, and we hesitated, wondering what—
Oh.
Surprise, surprise, spoken in that tone, with that cadence—it was a phrase Tom Berenson uttered often and easily, under just such circumstances.
Well. It wasn’t as if we were hiding the fact that Tom was a part of us. We simply hadn’t chosen to flaunt it, given the true Tom’s continued—and justified—wariness.
‹Yeah,› Prince Jake continued, letting the moment pass. ‹A few things. First off, you’re going to be meeting directly with Tyagi, and she’s going to want you to talk to the leaders of a few other countries, if you’re willing. Apparently Nickerson’s had orders to try to nudge us toward a rendezvous since the beginning, and was going to start pushing for it hard this afternoon if we hadn’t got there first.›
‹We are willing.›
‹Okay. Second. They’ve got the heads-up that you and Temrash are cooperating, but that doesn’t mean they’re thrilled about it. They wanted Temrash to leave your head as long as you were working directly on the fighter—›
‹What—›
‹—but I talked them down to doing an acquire-check. Which means Tyagi herself, since I don’t think any of the other morphers will be at the Bug fighter site, and if they are I doubt they have clearance.›
‹Ah.›
‹Right. You got any reservations about one of the most politically powerful humans on Earth having access to your DNA and memories?›
‹A moment to think, please.›
‹Go for it.›
This decision results in your death, and the ruin of everything you hope to achieve.
How?
It was easy to think in generalities—oh, Tyagi is an agent of Visser Three, or Tyagi is eventually captured by Yeerks who extract information out of her—but generalities were not to be trusted.
What specific chain of events would lead from the human president acquiring me to eventual ruin, and how likely was that chain of events?
We thought for several long moments, assigning probabilities, weighing various uncertainties. And in the end—
‹We accept.›
‹Okay. Just to be sure—you’re not, like, carrying secret codes to the Andalite shield generator, or anything like that?›
‹No. We—I wasn’t even done with secondary training when I snuck aboard Elfangor’s fighter. We don’t have any strategic information about the Andalites that Alloran doesn’t have.›
‹What about Temrash? So far, we think Visser Three doesn’t know that any of Aftran survived.›
‹If he discovers Temrash through Tyagi, that means he’s also discovered Tyagi, which means he knows about Paul Evans playing decoy in the White House, which seems more important in any case. We’re willing to take the risk if you are.›
Prince Jake said nothing, instead broadcasting a wordless burst of grim approval. ‹All right. Next. Marco had a thought—we don’t even know if this is technically feasible, but we thought we’d bounce it off you anyway. Is it possible to use whatever communication device you’re cobbling together to do detection? Like, could you—I dunno—ping their radar, or whatever? Find out what lines of communication the Yeerks have open?›
‹The Visser will almost certainly have obscured things once the Bug fighter crashed,› we pointed out. ‹It’s at least theoretically possible, and we can try, but you shouldn’t get your hopes up.›
‹Eh, it was a long shot anyway. Okay, next. The new kid.›
‹David?›
‹Yeah. Turns out, the other reason Nickerson was going to push for us to come back into the fold is that she’s under strict orders—from the president herself—to bring Jeremiah Poznanski’s kid back to him.›
We paused for a moment, conferring with the shadow of Tom Berenson. ‹Is that—normal? Under these circumstances? For the leader of an entire nation to prioritize a single parent-child bond—›
‹Tobias had the same objection. Answer is, no, it’s not normal, but it’s also not completely unbelievable. Way Tobias tells it, Tyagi and Poznanski would’ve left the White House together, and probably would’ve stayed together this whole time. There’s a chance she’s doing it for personal reasons, and there’s a chance she’s testing the waters on principle, trying to see whether we’re going to break the rules of engagement.›
‹And there’s a chance it’s more significant than that?›
‹Yeah. We talked to David—we weren’t going to make this call without his input—and he was surprisingly okay with the idea, compared to how hysterical he was right after the broadcast. Seems like morphing’s given him a bit of a confidence boost, shifted his sense of the power dynamic.›
‹What does this have to do with us?›
‹Right. So. Poznanski—the father—he’s in the same place Tyagi is. We were going to put you and David together, probably along with two or three others for backup. Peter, for sure. Probably either Rachel or Tobias. The rest of us will stay outside with the cube and some firepower, just so they don’t get any funny ideas. But the thing is—›
He broke off. ‹Well. If things get hairy with David—if he wants out and they don’t want to let him go—›
He broke off again. ‹The kid’s not that important to us. Yet, anyway. But there’s a line there that we can’t have crossed. He’s one of us, now. On our team. So if it comes down to it, you guys do what it takes to protect him. On principle.›
‹Understood,› we said. ‹Was that all?›
‹No. Two more bits. First, there was one headline Marco didn’t read aloud—didn’t want to call it to Nickerson’s attention. Couple of days ago, someone made three different donations to animal shelters—big ones, more than a million dollars each. Money was earmarked for dogs specifically—keep them from getting put down, help them find new homes. This make sense to you? You know what I’m talking about?›
‹Yes. We understand dog shelters.›
‹Okay. Well, we don’t actually know if all three donations were from the same source, and we don’t know if there were maybe more than three. But the name on at least one of those checks was Victor Chee.›
‹Victor—›
‹Chee, yes. And no, somehow I don’t think our immortal robot buddies suddenly got impatient and decided to get more involved. I think somebody’s sending them a message, and Victor Chee sounds a whole lot like—›
‹Visser Three. You think he’s trying to—to—›
‹Recruit them, or at least loosen our grip on them. Yeah, it looks like it. It’s what we’d try to do, anyway.›
‹Two days ago—›
‹Right after they bought up all the oatmeal. Seems like maybe we tipped our hand a little too much, and now V3 is finally paying attention.›
‹That—doesn’t seem good,› we said, all parts of ourself in total agreement.
‹No, it does not.›
‹Is the last bit worse?›
‹No. Just a thought. Putting the Andalites and the humans in touch, maybe getting the Yeerks some kind of independent news access—that makes sense, seems good. Might end the war, but even if it doesn’t it’s the kind of thing that will probably end up saving lives. But it occurred to us that there’s one other way to shortcut the influence that Visser Three is having on things—›
‹We are unlikely to have any kind of opportunity to carry out an assassination—›
‹I know. Just—two things. First, keep your eyes open. Intelligence, tech, allies—anything that looks like it might come in handy, if we find an opportunity to take him out. And second—well—›
He hesitated, and sat up straight, turning to face me with his small, human eyes. “I just wanted to be perfectly clear, with everyone, so there are no misunderstandings,” he said, speaking aloud. “That’s an opportunity we will take, if we come across it.”
We sensed that Prince Jake wanted the silence to linger, so we let it. And then, after an appropriate amount of time—
‹Understood, Prince Jake.›
* * *
“Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, brother of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, warrior cadet, scion and representative of the Andalite people. It is my honor to welcome you here—to Edwards Air Force Base, to the United States of America, and to planet Earth. My name is Najida Tyagi, President and Commander-in-Chief.”
From a distance, she gave a slight bow, lowering her eyes and spreading both of her hands apart. “You’ll have to forgive my lack of etiquette,” she said, rising gracefully back up to tree-stretch. “We are unfamiliar with the ways of your people. If there is a customary greeting, I would be grateful to learn it.”
‹Your handshake is a fitting custom,› we said, some mix of Temrash and Elfangor firmly in control as we stepped forward. With our stalk eyes, we could see the guards around the edges of the room very deliberately not stiffening with apprehension, and a part of us was impressed almost against our will.
Then again, they had already wrapped our tail-blade in what felt like forty-nine layers of thick, soft fabric. At the same time that they had scanned us for weapons, and taken David away to meet his father, and utterly failed to notice Rachel-the-housefly detaching herself from our body and flying off to find a safe corner to demorph—or at least, utterly failed to react to it.
‹The honor of this meeting is ours as well,› we broadcast, still in formal tones. ‹We are young and half-trained, with no official station, and you show us respect beyond expectation.›
We reached out, took the extended hand, and shook it twice, firmly, as we had practiced, feeling a brief lethargy pass over us as we did so.
“I understand that I also greet Temrash three-one-three and Essak nine-seven-four,” Tyagi continued, making no public mention of the fact that she had just acquired Aximili’s pattern. “Heirs of Aftran and survivors of the tragedies at Ventura. I bid you welcome, with thanks for your trust, and with hope for the eventual peace between our peoples. My condolences for your loss.”
“Thank you, Madam President,” murmured Essak-and-Peter.
‹We thank you also, President Tyagi,› we said, feeling a surge of warmth and surprise in the part of us that was Temrash. ‹Would that we might have met under more pleasant circumstances.›
“Indeed,” the woman said, nodding, her bearing straight and her eyes bright. “Still, we have this chance to build bridges, and I intend not to waste it.” She paused for a moment, her eyes moving back and forth between us and Essak-and-Peter. “Is the plural form of address typical, for two in your position?”
‹There is no ‘typical,’ as far as we know,› we answered. ‹For various reasons, we may very well be unique, and distinct in kind from Essak-and-Peter. We will take no offense at any form of address.›
“But you’re not—for example—sometimes Temrash, and sometimes Aximili?”
‹No. We are currently in a state of cooperation, and both present in equal measure.›
“Do you differ in opinion on important subjects?”
Our stalks twisted to meet the eyes of Essak-and-Peter. ‹Less and less, as time passes,› we said. ‹There is only so long you can understand a viewpoint exactly as someone else does before you must, in some sense, converge.›
She fixed us with a long, steady look. “Then tell me—speaking in no official capacity, but merely as individual representatives of the Yeerk and Andalite species—what do you think of the covert war taking place on and around my planet?”
We spoke without hesitation. ‹It must end, in peace, before it destroys us all.›
“May I repeat those words aloud, for our record of this conversation?” She gestured toward a pair of cameras in a corner of the room, one of several lining the walls.
‹You may.›
“Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Temrash three-one-three, having come of their own free will in the hopes of opening lines of communication between humans, Yeerks, and Andalites, when asked my previous question, answered ‘It must end, in peace, before it destroys us all.’ This I state for the record, before these witnesses, giving them every chance to rebut or otherwise respond.”
We gave a slow nod of assent, somewhat taken aback by the stiff, overt formality of her pronouncement.
Then again, she is recording this moment for all of her species, as a rebuttal against the story spun by Visser Three. It must by necessity carry weight.
“Essak nine-seven-four, have you anything to add?”
“No, Madam President, except that—”
They broke off as Essak-and-Peter’s face screwed up with emotion, as their throat seemed to constrict. “Except that my commanding officer—Visser Three, known to you as Esplin—gave the order to murder two hundred thousand of his own troops—two hundred thousand of my siblings—without warning, simply because it might cover his previous mistakes. You lost half a million of your citizens in that same attack. He—”
They broke off again, stiffening with resolve. “He is a murderer, and a war criminal, and as much a threat to his own species as he is to humanity.”
President Tyagi nodded gravely. “Thank you, Essak. And—Peter Levy. Do you—does he have anything he wishes to add?”
“Only that having Essak in my head kept me alive, Madam President.”
“And do you say that while Essak is not in your head?”
Essak-and-Peter twisted their lip. “You have to be suspicious, Madam President. We understand that. Certainly the Yeerks haven’t done anything to deserve your trust yet. But—”
They paused, and took in a breath. “Setting aside that they came as conquerors. Setting aside that they lied and murdered and infiltrated and enslaved. Just imagine what they are. What they want, what they can do.”
Essak-and-Peter glanced toward the cameras, toward the guards standing ready. “Esplin was telling the truth about Yeerks in their natural state,” they continued quietly. “Deaf, blind, and mute. Stuck. The only way they can see—the only way they can hear—the only way they can participate in the larger world is by taking a host. And then they have a few precious days before they have to return to the pool, before another shard takes their place. For every host, a thousand Yeerks—ten years of waiting, for three days of freedom.”
We could feel our own heart stirring—not just the part of ourselves that was Temrash, but Aximili and Elfangor and even Tom.
“And they’d do anything to change that. To get a little more. They don’t have to rule, they just—want to share. And in exchange—”
They raised their hands in emphasis, the gesture an eerie mirror of one we had seen Marco make time and time again. “Think of the possibilities. The applications. A Yeerk can fine-tune the body, altering hormone balances, changing respiration and digestion, staving off atrophy. They can keep the heart beating in the event of sudden injury, detect brain cancer or aneurism before it gets to be too late. Mental illness—the therapist is right there, in your head. Personal training—same deal. They can help with balance, coordination, reaction times, make you a better dancer or gymnast or pitcher.
“And they can teach. They can transfer knowledge and skills and memory—imagine a school where Yeerks help transfer language, mathematics, history. Imagine having access to every scrap of knowledge from every host that every Yeerk your Yeerk connects with has ever had. Imagine the impact on empathy. On communication. On conflict resolution—on prosecution and defense. Tutors, trainers, therapists, translators. And you don’t—we could—you don’t have to—”
They broke off again, and the part of us that was Aximili could feel the pain and tension, the need to communicate this thing that was so important, but so hard to say—
“—we don’t have to be alone anymore.”
There was a heavy silence, as Essak-and-Peter covered their face with their hands. “Sorry,” they whispered. “Our—my wife. She—she disappeared two years ago and—”
They looked up, meeting the eyes of President Tyagi. “Nothing made any difference until Essak,” they said simply.
Tyagi took a deep breath, her eyes tracing around the room. “It’s clear that there’s a lot for us to discuss,” she said, and we could see her calculating the impact Essak-and-Peter’s words would have on the others in the room, the others who would one day watch the recordings. “And that the possible benefits of cooperation are not to be dismissed offhand. I would particularly like for you to speak with the prime ministers of Germany and Japan, should it be possible to arrange it. They were once our bitterest enemies, fighting against us in a war of eradication, and have since become trusted, steadfast allies. We have much to learn from history’s example.”
‹Indeed,› we said, breaking silence on impulse. ‹Especially when you consider that the Yeerks had not yet even conceived of worlds beyond their own when you started your term of office three years ago.›
We could see the impact of those words, the way the humans around the room rocked back as if physically struck. Tyagi showed the smallest reaction, with only a slight tightening of the skin around her eyes—she had clearly already considered the fact, and recognized its import.
“Indeed,” she echoed, and we thought we could detect grim satisfaction in the word. “But first—there is a laboratory waiting with your name on it.”
* * *
In the end, it was easy.
‹The priority is opening a communication channel,› we had said. ‹Explaining the technology can come later.›
And they had agreed, and so we had proceeded with the bare minimum of explanation, even as the human technicians watched and recorded everything. We had asked that we be allowed to work in private, but that request had been—unsurprisingly—denied. That made things more difficult—riskier, harder to juggle—but not impossible.
The ruined Bug fighter had not, in fact, been equipped with an interstellar communicator, but it was simple enough to extract three of the transponders from the hyperdrive and repurpose them to triangulate and transmit Z-space signals. We had worried that the fighter’s computer might be incapable of telepathic interfacing, and that we would have to summon the cradle, but fortunately it was identical to the computer in an Andalite raptor. The Yeerks, it seemed, had simply duplicated the stolen technology circuit for circuit, slapping a set of manual controls on top rather than bothering with a bottom-up redesign.
‹You will have some difficulty with transcription, we imagine, given that both Andalite and Yeerk communication is largely ungrammatical.›
“We thought about that, yeah,” said the tech. “The linguists have started to work up a simple visual language that we were hoping you’d take a look at, before the call.”
‹Maybe once we’re done here. We estimate no more than another hour or two.›
Moving smoothly, giving no hint or sign of the import of our action, we connected two wires together and carried on talking, using only the third layer of our attention to continue assembling a complicated-looking—and ultimately superfluous—visual projection system. Eventually, the humans would understand the device well enough to wonder, but that point was weeks or months away, and in the meantime—
We had the capacity for communication that was private, undetectable, and entirely secure, at least as far as the humans were concerned.
As for the Yeerks…
With one part of our mind, we kept up our charade, exchanging meaningless words with the human techs as we continued the rote and trivial work of assembling the visual projection system. With the rest, we began the slow and laborious process of encrypting our message—first compressing each nuanced thought into the symbolic code used for asynchronous communication, then converting each symbol into its own number according to the standard translation scheme, and then finally processing each number into ciphertext using the multiterm function taught to each cadet in their first cycle of training.
1 7 13 2 2 8 1 2 2 11 1 0 4 12 0 3 12 13 5 0 9 9 9 3 5 10 11 3 11 8 5 6 8 …
It was difficult work even when one’s attention was not divided, and we strained to hold the lengthening chain in our mind as we processed each additional digit. This would keep the initial message secure from Yeerk intrusion until a direct link could be established…
‹Interplanetary communications,› we thought, tuning the device harmonics to the appropriate settings. ‹Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. 11 5 5 6 4 7 12 11 4 0 9 8 4 3 11 9 7 3 2 9 5 1 0 8 6 0 1 8 10 12 7.›
That string, generated via my own private function and decodable with its public sibling, would allow the communications officer on the far end to confirm my identity, before using the private sibling of the military’s own public function to read the larger message.
‹1 7 13 2 2 8 1 2 2 11 1 0 4 12 0 3 12 13 5 0 9 9 9 3 5 10 11 3 11 8 5 6 8 7 11 2 2 12 2 10 11 11 10 12 2 2 5 10 9 1 1 13 5 5 3 12 8 13 9 2 3 2 11 3 13 12 0 1 10 0 12 11 5 8 1 8 6 9 5 0 13 11 13 0 12 0 13 1 6 13 10 2 5 1 1 4 9 1 11 3 1 12 2 1 0 1 7 1 4 2 10 13 13 5 9 2 3 12 4 12 6 4 9 12 5 5 13 5 1 9 11 1 8 5 11 8 5 13 11 7 10 4 12 4 4 4 0 5 3 3 1 6 2 11 12 4 4 8 3 9 7 4 0 4 5 4 9 0 1 3 6 12 1 8 8 13 7 2 4 4 8 1 5 11 2 8 13 3 3 9 12 12 0 3 11 6 7 3 8 10 12 11 8 10 10 6 6 7 12 10 9 3 8 11 4 10 9 1 2 5 12 1 9 11 0 11 12 4 4 8 4 7 10 12 13 5 2 0 11 6 5 12 4 8 12 2 5 4 4 6 8 11 0 9 8 7 7 13 1 0 6 11 6 1 10 6 0 4 6 4 3 10 11 0 8 6 8 8 10 10 8 11 9 0 11 6 9 5 8 3 7 12 5 4 8 2 1 5 9 11 2 2 8 6 8 10 8 3 13 5 13 8 2 13 9 13 11 4 11 2 1 13 1 2 13 1 11 6 13 2 4 12 11 4 0 1 2 11 3 4 13 1 7 1 8 12 12 0 2 12 5 5 4 1 0 9 1 11 0 12 3 9 4 9 9 4 3 10 13 0 3 13 4 12 0 11 9 3 11 8 11 4 1 3 6 11 5 3 0 6 1 8 11 9 9 6 4 12 2 9 2 8 10 13 8 13 4 2 6 7 4 9 1 8 0 0 13 7 8 6 13 7 2 9 1 6 4 10 2 9 10 5 11 0 2 2 13 5 8 6 0 0 7 4 13 10 10 1 0 0 8 8 2 9 13 5 6 8 0 12 12 6 4 0 12 11 8 10 8 5 11 7 1 7 0 0 4 8 1 3 8 1 6 4 9 7 0 11 2 11 4 0 3 6 6 11 11 2 7 10 0 3 2 9 9 2 9 9 1 9 0 4 0 13 12 7 11 7 11 6 3 4 8 11 2 7 3 7 0 4 3 13 1 6 4 2 10 11 13 1 9 8 0 2 12 5 2 1 8 10 2 6 7 13 7 5 12 8 0 6 10 5 11 2 0 2 6 5 10 12 5 12 10 13 1 10 8 2 9 2 0 3 0 11 8 10 2 2 8 1 1 6 6 10 6 12 5 6 13 9 9 4 9 7 5 4 1 1 4 0 11 4 2 13 3 0 12 12 13 3 6 0 1 11 0 4 4 13 8 1 4 0 13 11 6 2 13 13 10 5 11 6 4 11 6 3 11 0 0 2 7 13 0 13 11 4 10 2 0 5 0 4 6 0 7 1 13 11 9 6 4 6 8 9 10 3 7 5 7 3 6 0 1 7 4 8 9 1 1 5 5 5 8 10 5 5 0 0 13 8 13 13 6 3 4 2 11 8 1 10 2 4 10 10 2 7 9 7 13 1 8 3 3 13 13 1 2 0 12 9 13 0 12 5 9 6 0 10 2 13 3 6 6 8 13 1 8 5 8 12 1 10 1 7 8 10 1 0 8 13 2 10 12 5 9 11 0 1 6 8 … ›
Subordinate of war-prince Oloro-Menjium-Habrymaur, assigned to Galaxy Tree, rank authorization five, dain Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, rank authorization one. Reporting from sector eight-three-seven, local name Earth, urgency authorization two. Content of report: confirmed death of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, confirmed location of Alloran-Semitur-Corrass, primary materiel threat to war effort. Unsecure channel, limited access. Please reply with top priority via direct link.
Thought-speak could not be eavesdropped upon by any known means—it could be detected, but not decrypted. Discrete messages sent through Z-space were vulnerable, but the direct, mind-to-mind link in the eib was impossibly complex and nuanced; one would need a perfect copy of the complete brain state of each of the involved parties before one could even begin to tease out the meaning of the various ripples and reflections and modulations of the waveform. For that reason, messages were almost always inferior to a direct link, in which the transponders served as a neutral blank slate upon which both minds could write their shared understanding.
Keeping our primary attention poised and ready for a response, we continued our pretense of focus with the scraps of metal and plastic, chatting amiably with the human engineers as we added to the slowly growing device. It was difficult to prevent any outward sign of tension or excitement, and the part of us that was Temrash reluctantly took control, quieting our muscles and stemming the flow of chemicals in our circulatory system.
Soon we would be in contact with the homeworld again. With our superior officers, our fellow cadets—possibly even our parents. With Andalites, in any case.
The possibility—the proximity—had awakened something deep within us, a heartsick longing we had long since relegated to the background, a fervent need for connection that had never truly been slaked by the companionship of the Animorphs or even by the intimate embrace of Temrash. Soon, the eib would thrum with a voice that was not our own, and we would be part of a harmony once more—
There was a wave of opposition, fear and caution and a hint of disgust, and we pulled back slightly—moderating our eagerness, opening up to dissent.
Temrash was wary—both of discovery, and of what they saw as the potential for coercion, for brainwashing. Could we actually resist the pressure of conformity, given how desperate we were for connection—for approval?
Elfangor was cautious as well—cognizant of the risk of a misstep, and mindful of the potential magnitude of the consequences. It was possible that we would have only one chance.
And Tom—
{—guilt—}
{—anxiety—}
Tom did not like the fact that we had not warned the others.
But in the end, for all that we had grown, had exceeded the boundaries of ourself, we were still Aximili at heart. And we had been alone for far, far too long.
Besides, we reasoned. The humans are not impartial. Cannot be, so long as they are tied to a single world, and under threat of total enslavement. This is a path that only we can see, and therefore only we are fit to guide others along it.
We felt the hollowness of the thought even as we put our weight behind it, and ripples of doubt echoed through out shared mind, but by this point, the doubt was merely a pretense. The message was sent, would have already been received, and a reply would come as soon as—
‹Cadet Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, you are seen and heard. Ithileran-Halas-Corain, interplanetary communications. Urgency authorization two denied, urgency authorization three assigned. Maintain vigilance and expect further communication within a seventh of a subcycle.›
Shock.
Dismay.
Disbelief.
Wait—cautioned a voice. Stop, and think—
But it was too late, the voice too quiet.
‹Ithileran-Halas-Corain, we appeal your decision. Cannot wait—›
{—how long is—}
(An hour and a half. Be silent.)
‹—and have urgent information for the high council. We may not be able to achieve private communication again. There is—›
STOP—
‹—potential for peace, and also great threat. Seven billion hosts, more intelligent than Hork-Bajir, with dexterity on par with Andalites. They have early interplanetary capability and the Visser’s fleet is inbound. There is a resistance—blood has been shed, and—›
—and they have the Iscafil device, we had tried to say, but Temrash had intervened, had mustered every scrap of strength and strangled the last bit of thought. For a dark and infinite moment, we wrestled for control amongst ourselves, losing even the ability to move our hands, to carry on our conversation with the human technicians—
“Sir? Are you all right?”
—and then, mercifully, we stabilized, a wave of shame lowering Aximili and rebalancing our mind with Tom and Temrash in control and unopposed. Temrash triggered a memory, and the smell of cinnamon washed across our consciousness, sending Aximili cringing still further.
‹We are fine,› we said, careful to keep our tone light and easy. ‹A thought occurred to us—a possible modification of the communicator, to—›
—what was it, Prince Jake’s idea—
‹—do some kind of radar or echolocation, see if we could detect at least the location and direction of Yeerk communications, if not their actual content.›
Looks of wild excitement—
‹But it didn’t seem possible, on second thought. After the crash, the Visser would have been sure to guard against that form of detection.›
Breaking disappointment—
“Okay, sure. But we should make sure to get the details from you anyway, once we’re done here, just in case our techs can think of a new angle on it—”
‹Certainly.›
The words continued as our hands began to move again, continuing their useless, redundant work.
That, we thought coldly, was a disaster.
Ashen acknowledgement.
We will be lucky if they don’t simply send a bomb.
Black anguish.
We must recover. We should bring Elfangor to the forefront.
Desperate agreement.
A subtle shift, a change in state—as if an object had been rotated, was clearly the same but with a different set of evident properties. We sent a soothing memory toward the part of us that was Aximili, the feel of two tails entwined—
‹Cadet Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, your appeal is granted. Further review has resulted in urgency authorization one. Stand by for direct link.›
{—fear—}
Reassurance.
We reached into the half-emptied husk of the fighter’s control panel, digging for further distractions—
PRESENCE.
Even after steeling ourselves, we were almost overwhelmed by the wash of sensation, like water after days of dust. The eib, so silent for so long, filled with music, a hum that we found ourselves instinctively moving to complement—
Steady.
‹Cadet Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, reporting in deference.›
We did not speak in words, of course. The thoughts simply were.
‹Absent without leave. Incommunicado for seven and seven cycles. And now belligerent. Grasping. Above your station.›
‹I am sorry, command—›
‹I am Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss, cadet.›
‹Chancellor!›
Alloran’s successor, the most esteemed veteran of the entire military, and the leader of the council. It was whispered that he had Alloran and Seerow both as dain.
‹You have grasped my attention, and now you waste it.›
A tidal wave of disapproval crashed over us, eroding away Aximili, undermining Elfangor, and giving even Tom and Temrash pause. It moved with the full force of an ocean, backed by an absolute confidence, a certainty as reliable and unyielding as physics. This is the truth, it said. All know it, and none question it. It was the Path itself, personified and weaponized, and I was all alone in failing to be on it.
I was wasting time. I was grasping above my station—
NO.
Deep within me, something rallied—something alien and unafraid, something for which the idea of the Path held no meaning. Some part of me—of us—that remembered Aftran, remembered being vast beyond measure, with tendrils stretching across a city, a mind that moved ten thousand bodies. It knew itself diminished, but still it remembered, and it rose to meet the pressure in the eib like a boulder in a stream, forcing the waves to part around it.
‹Were I to waste it seven times more, and yet deliver my message, you would still depart in gratitude,› Temrash declared, as Aximili and Elfangor and Tom rallied behind them. ‹I have seen our final chance, as a people.›
There was the sense of something pulling up short, of being weighed and measured. ‹What is this?› Lirem asked sharply, the thought shaded with subtle meaning. You were cringing not a hoofbeat hence, and now you stand at tree-stretch, addressing me as an equal. Explain yourself.
We ignored it. ‹The Yeerks do not prosecute this war of their own free will,› we said. ‹They have been levered, manipulated. They will accept peace, if it is offered to them—and if the Visser no longer spurs them to action.›
‹Impossible,› Lirem spat. Not that the Yeerks had been manipulated, nor that they would accept peace, but that the Andalite people should sue for it. We are winning, said that thought—and what warrior would surrender on the path to victory?
‹You turn all of your eyes in the same direction,› we sneered, allowing a hint of Yeerkish arrogance to shade the insult. ‹The Visser shows you what he wants you to see—everywhere, the Yeerk tide slowing, the Andalites pressing forward. And meanwhile, where is he?›
Lirem said nothing, and the contempt within me swelled. This is what happens, we told ourselves. This is what happens when all are unified, when all think the same thoughts at the same time. No wonder Elfangor had spent so much time in the deep, cold darkness—how much sooner would he have seen it than Lirem?
‹He is here, on Earth, ensuring that human and Yeerk do not ally against him, finding common cause in peace and prosperity—just as he turned Yeerk against Andalite. He is here, stoking the fire, readying a blaze that will leave the galaxy a cinder—unless you negotiate a peace now.›
We could feel Liram yielding, see the eib from the outside in a way that had never been possible when we were only Aximili, and enveloped by it. His convictions were set, but they could be bent—reshaped—with the right amount of pressure in just the right places—
‹Seven billion, Lirem. You cannot face that. Not without a united galaxy at your tail. You fight, and you fight, and the strength of every species wanes—Hork-Bajir, Taxxon, Naharan, Andalite. How many have died in the last revolution? How many will survive the next?›
Uncertainty. Hesitation. Apprehension.
‹Look at all that has transpired, Lirem. Imagine that it was all by design. What is this design? What plan encompasses this madness, and what is its end?›
Panic—
‹Sue for peace, Lirem. We were noble, once—honorable in battle and generous in victory. We need not pursue the Yeerks into nothingness, fueling their desperation, prolonging the struggle. We can call for a cease-fire, draw the lines as they lie, and let the tools of statecraft handle the rest. What care we, in any case? They have no Andalites save one, the Taxxons came of their own free will, and the Naharans have no world to return to anyway.›
Terror—
‹You are wrong!› Lirem shouted, the parts of him that had started to buckle under the pressure suddenly reversing, springing back into place. ‹Wrong! Wrong! Hopelessly naïve! The foolish whims of an untrained cadet, the dull confidence of a groundling idiot! You know nothing! Desbadeen has fallen! The battle over Gara has begun anew! There are Leeran Controllers on every pool ship, and spies upon the homeworld! It is by the barest luck that we have kept the Iscafil device from them, or all would already be lost! They have cowed even the Skrit-Na!›
Each new claim in the list landed like a hammer blow, and we reeled, the tables turned once more as Lirem unbottled his fear and rage. The pressure in the eib doubled, then doubled again, and it was only our desperate need to know that kept us from severing the connection, turning tail and fleeing—
‹The homeworld?› we asked, even the part of us that was Temrash shaken by the news.
‹A secret task force intercepted, an assassination carried out—even a bombing in the ancient caves. Cowards, defectors, traitors abandoning the Path—›
There was a turning sensation, and the pressure in the eib strengthened again as Lirem focused his full attention on us, every layer like a spotlight. ‹And you,› he spat. ‹Prodigal protégé, wandering whelpling. Tales of seven billion hosts! Where? Your exact coordinates, now!›
We couldn’t help it, did not even have time to think about resisting before the knowledge was spilling out of our head and into the aether.
‹Rate, direction, and shape of orbit!›
More numbers, streaming into the void as we recovered our poise.
‹Whereabouts of Visser Three!›
‹Stop,› we said, a shadow of our previous confidence returning. ‹This is not the way.›
‹Whereabouts of Visser Three!›
‹No,› we insisted. ‹We do not win that way. This is his fortress—it is out there that he is vulnerable, if you only—›
‹You have a method of leaving the planet?› Lirem demanded.
‹Yes—the cradle—but—›
‹Then you have seven cycles to do so,› he said. And it was then, in the fractional silence between one thought and the next, that we realized our mistake.
Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss was not alone.
Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss was not alone, and that meant that in order to move him, we had to move everyone. All around him were other Andalites—councilmen, aides, soliders, guards—each of them a repository of beliefs, a well of confidence. Crack him, and they would close around him like a shield; change him, and they would change him back. Not through any deliberate process, but simply by the sheer mass of their existence, the ponderous momentum of a thousand harmonious thoughts.
We hadn’t recognized it, hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t prepared for it. Would not even have noticed the dynamic, had we not spent this time alone, outside, and isolated—had never registered it from the inside any more than we were normally conscious of the presence of oxygen. It was so obvious, so familiar, so true that our mind had simply glossed over it, and failed to notice that we had changed, and that our new tactics were different from our old ones, and that we were attempting something that we’d never attempted before—something that perhaps no one had ever attempted before.
We had never had a chance of turning him from his chosen Path. Not in one conversation, at this distance, with so little formal authority to lean on. And the one piece of evidence that might have proven persuasive—that Temrash and Aximili had learned to cooperate—would not have been believed, would have only made things worse.
‹What are you—›
‹We will remove this threat of which you speak,› declared Lirem, the hesitation gone from his voice. ‹Seven billion is not so many when they are all gathered on a single world.›
‹But the fleet—if you are already stretched thin—›
Lirem scoffed. ‹Cloud-furred fool. This world has not developed shielding technology, correct?›
A sudden instinct told us not to answer, but it was no use. ‹Then all it takes is a simple rock,› he continued. ‹We will time it to arrive in seven cycles—if you have further business with these Earth-people, conclude it by then.›
‹You can’t!› we cried. The people—the resources—
The hope.
‹You said it yourself—with those seven billion, he will scour the galaxy clean of all who oppose him. As long as he exists, they are a blade at our backs.›
‹As long as—›
‹Yes, cadet,› Lirem said, and through the eib I could feel his laughter, his smug satisfaction at the restoration of our proper relationship. ‹Your report said that Elfangor is dead—at the Visser’s hand, I must assume. One wonders why you have not already avenged him, but perhaps you needed inspiration.›
Somewhere inside our head, someone was screaming in horror.
‹Either the Visser dies, or the planet does. You have seven cycles, cadet. Make your choice.›
Chapter 36: Chapter 27: Rachel
Notes:
I'm posting this from Harvard University, where I got to be a speaker for the Effective Altruism Global conference! Wooo! Also, odds are decent I'll get the next chapter (and a brief interlude) up within two weeks. No promises, but I'm taking more than a week off work, so ...
Chapter Text
Chapter 27: Rachel
‹Rachel.›
I banked, wheeling, and dropped back down toward the squat, featureless hangar.
‹Rachel, this is Aximili. Please—are you near?›
‹I’m here, Ax,› I answered back. Landing on the edge of the rooftop, I looked down at the activity below, soldiers and officers and engineers going about a dozen different errands, moving from building to building or marching in formation or carrying files and folders back and forth across the scorched, dusty ground. ‹What’s up?›
‹We need help.›
Adrenaline, or whatever the avian equivalent was. ‹Where? Are you still in the—›
‹Not that kind of help. Sorry. We—ah—›
There was a silence, and I took to the air again, hoping that my snipe body’s mottled brown form wouldn’t attract too much attention as I looped around the building.
‹We made contact with the Andalite homeworld.›
I peered in the windows as I fluttered past. Most of the activity was incomprehensible—labs and meeting rooms and officers sitting in offices. I couldn’t see into the deeper, inner areas where Ax and the Bug fighter were being kept.
‹It was—in the moment, it seemed wiser to make contact quietly, without human involvement. So that I could explain things. Pave the way.›
‹Uh huh,› I said, banking around another corner. ‹And?›
‹They’ve threatened to send an asteroid to destroy the planet if we don‘t assassinate Visser Three within twenty-three days.›
I nearly fell out of the sky as my wings skipped a beat. Pulling hard, I curved back up toward the roof, perching on the steel gutter at the edge. ‹What?› I asked.
‹They’ve threatened—›
‹Not that kind of what,› I snapped, trying to reorient. A dozen thoughts all tried to crowd into my head at once, questions and objections and desperate proposals. ‹Can they do that?›
There was a pause, as if Ax were—
As if he were—
—something—
‹Yes,› he said, finally.
Another whirl of chaotic half-thoughts. ‹Can we block it somehow?›
‹No.›
‹Could the Yeerks?›
Another long pause. ‹No.›
‹What—›
‹It’s not the sort of weapon people use,› he said quietly. ‹Not the sort of weapon anyone has used, ever, as far as the Andalites know. It’s the sort of thing that’s always been entirely hypothetical. If you were to use it—›
He broke off. ‹There is no defense. The use of such a weapon means all-out war on a scale of—of—›
He faltered again. ‹If you destroy a planet with such a weapon, and there is even one survivor of that planet with a Z-space capable ship, they could retaliate in kind, and—›
I felt my heart beating faster.
‹No one has ever even tried to develop a countermeasure,› he finished, his voice somehow sounding pale.
‹But the Yeerks,› I objected. ‹Ventura—›
‹Not the same,› Ax said grimly. ‹Sorry—let me start over. We’re not talking about aerial bombardment. They’re going to attach a Z-space hyperdrive to a rock—a small rock—and send it toward Earth. And when it drops back into normal space—›
Ax paused, and I felt my heart beating faster.
‹Your momentum coming out of Z-space is effectively arbitrary,› he continued. ‹Most of the time, people choose a speed that’s pretty close to zero, since you have to expend fuel to decelerate in real space. But if you drop out at, say, thirteen fourteenths of the speed of light—you would only need an object weighing about two hundred billion kilograms to blast a giant chunk out of the planet and completely liquefy the crust.›
‹Two hundred billion—›
‹Not even the size of a small mountain. Much smaller than the asteroid that Visser Three used to wipe out Ventura. And there’s absolutely no way to stop it—even if you were to vaporize it completely, the particles would continue forward with almost the same amount of energy, with an equally devastating effect.›
There was another long pause as I struggled to absorb this, my head still spilling over with a mixture of thought fragments and useless panic.
—what—
—three weeks—
—what—
—talk them out of it—
—no—
—how it all ends—
—what—
Finally, I spoke.
‹So what do we do?› I asked.
‹We don’t know,› Ax said, sounding almost as shell-shocked as I felt. ‹We were sort of hoping you might have an idea. In particular, within the next forty minutes or so, we will either have to turn over a working communicator, or sabotage it and invent some kind of excuse.›
I could feel the wheels in my brain spinning, skidding, burning rubber—feel my thoughts jerking erratically, like a squirrel in the road that can’t decide which way to run.
Get a grip—
But I couldn’t. Everything was unraveling. It was too big—like the time the others had told me about, the time in the pool, except there was no strange arcane god around to explain it all, to give me a clear set of choices, show me the way out.
There has to be SOMETHING—
‹Rachel?›
‹I’m thinking,› I snapped. Lied. Hoped. ‹Give me a minute.›
Ax fell silent.
This is all his fault, what was he THINKING, I should—
Should—
The thought faltered, sputtered out, and died.
Should what? It wasn’t his fault. Not when we’d sent him in there, practically alone—not when he was the only one of us who understood the Andalite power structure, the only one who’d been even remotely likely to pull it off. We’d trusted him to make decisions on his own, and the basis of that trust was still solid even if the results had turned out—
Besides, he only started fixing the communicator what—an hour ago? They signed our death warrant in minutes.
There was no reason to think Tyagi or Jake or anyone else would’ve done any better. No, we’d lost this one already—had already been doomed, and just hadn’t known it yet.
Three weeks. I wasn’t going to make it to fifteen. I’d already had my last birthday, my last Christmas—
Stop it. Snap out of this.
—why, though?
Because you’ve still got three weeks. Because go down fighting. Because trying anything is better than guaranteed failure.
Slowly—slowly—I dragged myself up and out of the fog, away from the siren song of despair, from half-formed thoughts of getting drunk, losing my virginity, finding a beach and waiting for the end.
It’s just death. Mom’s already dead. Jordan. Sara. Dad. Cassie.
Cassie.
Cassie, who’d died trying to save as many people as she could. Who’d spent the last minutes of her life, rather than just letting them be taken away from her—
That did it. Suddenly, the wheels caught, and everything snapped back into focus.
‹Okay,› I said, feeling my thoughts lining up, shrugging off the shadow of embarrassment. ‹Okay. Options. Um. Try not to get them to throw the rock in the first place—do you think Tyagi has any chance of changing their minds?›
‹We don’t think so,› Ax answered, still sounding hollow. ‹We think—we think they would just accuse her of being a Controller, and carry on anyway.›
And Ax clearly hadn’t told them about him being a Controller, for obvious reasons. ‹What about back channel? Grassroots stuff? You said this kind of attack is practically taboo—›
‹Maybe. We don’t know if we can access civilian channels with this equipment—if we can get past the safeguards—and even if we do—›
He faltered. ‹They said—we don’t think—the war is not going well. From what they said, the homeworld itself may be under direct threat. With things going that badly—›
He didn’t need to finish the thought. ‹Okay, fine, back burner,› I said. ‹What about—can we sabotage it? The rock, I mean? Stop the launch, or hack the nav computer, or whatever. Like, if we stole the Bug fighter—›
‹No. Or—we mean—stealing the Bug fighter might be possible, but there’s no obvious source for the attack, and Andalite computers are—difficult to hack.›
‹Okay, fine. Fine. So we’ve got steal the ship as a maybe, and broadcast to the Andalites as a weak maybe, and letting Tyagi have a shot because why not. What about the Yeerks? Trying to undercut Visser Three? Maybe using Mr. Levy?›
‹We don’t know. We don’t know whether we should try ourselves, or whether the humans—›
‹Right. Okay. What about—›
‹Rachel, we need to make a decision about the communicator now.›
‹Right. Sorry.›
The communicator. Would Tyagi—and Mr. Levy—be more likely to get through to the Yeerks than Ax alone?
Yes, said Marco’s voice in my head. Obviously. Trivially obviously, like SUPER duh.
Yes, agreed my mental image of my cousin.
‹Is it—› I began, and then broke off, the ghost of an idea occurring to me. ‹Is the communicator—is it small enough to fit into a morph? Or, like, can you make two?›
There was a pause. ‹No,› Ax said. ‹But we suspect we could create a link between it and the cradle—›
Cradle?
‹—and thereby maintain access even after we leave. The humans will figure it out eventually, and close the channel, but not in—›
He ended the thought abruptly.
Not in three weeks.
‹Okay, so—we just leave it, right? Leave it to Tyagi and Mr. Levy, and hope for the best? And if we think of anything else, we patch in from a distance.›
‹But what about the deadline?› Ax asked. ‹Should we warn—›
‹No,› I said firmly. ‹Not yet. First we check in with the others. You said three weeks, right?›
‹Twenty-three days.›
‹Right. So we take a day or two to decide, and we can come back and still say three weeks, if we want to loop everyone else in. But we don’t make that call on our own.›
A whisper of an objection tried to make itself heard in the back of my mind, but before I could grab ahold of it—
‹What if the humans try to connect to the Andalite homeworld?›
‹Don’t let them,› I said. ‹Distract them, or say the lines are busy, or give them the wrong frequencies or whatever. Just put them in touch with the rest of—›
—what was its name?
‹—Telor.›
And in the meantime, we would check in with the others, and discuss the rest of our options—like telling the Yeerks, or stealing a Bug fighter to try to find and murder Visser Three.
Or to escape—
‹Also, let’s not tell Mr. Levy just yet,› I said. ‹I’m going to go check in on David, and then the three of us should think about getting clear as soon as we can.›
‹Roger,› Ax whispered faintly.
And I took to the sky.
* * *
If you’d asked me—
—because I definitely didn’t think the words on my own, but if you’d asked me—
I really wouldn’t have thought that things were going to get worse.
‹It wasn’t me,› David said, his thought-speak voice weak and wavery as the last of the lion’s fur melted away, revealing a bloody, battered face with one eye already swollen shut. ‹It wasn’t me, he made me, I didn’t do it, it wasn’t my—›
His thought-speak cut off abruptly as he passed the halfway point, and he started right up with regular speech, his words an unsettling demonic growl as the lion’s mouth shrank and reshaped itself into that of a human boy. “—wasn’t my fault, I was protecting myself, he wouldn’t stop, he never stops, I swear I didn’t mean it—”
“Quiet,” I said, as my own mouth emerged from the snipe’s beak, trying to make the word gentle and sharp at the same time. As I grew upwards from the floor, I ran my eyes over the scene again, trying to take stock.
The room was stark and cramped—clearly military, all brown and gray and olive and beige. There wasn’t much in it in the first place, so the wreckage was limited—one smashed coffee table, one couch with torn, stained upholstery, and one shattered liquor bottle in the corner. The smell of alcohol filled the room, clashing with the sharp, coppery scent that had only recently become so familiar—
“Is that your dad?”
The body was lying on its back, with a bloody quadruple slice across its chest, more slashes on its arms and neck, and a head twisted around almost backwards. I could see the deep fang marks on either side of the jaw—David must have closed his mouth right over the man’s face.
“I didn’t do it on purpose, it was him, he came at me, he just wouldn’t stop—”
“David,” I said, even more softly. “David, it’s all right. I’m not—look, I’ve just got to figure out what to—”
I trailed off. For the second time in twenty minutes, my brain was careening sideways. I looked at the boy—sweaty and trembling, his face and forearms patterned with ugly red splotches, his nose almost certainly broken. He was barely any older than Garrett. The same age as Jordan.
—Mom and Dad are fighting again, can Sara and I sleep in here—
“Is this your dad?” I asked again. I had been in the room when we’d all arrived, when they’d had their little reunion, but fly eyes didn’t see all that well.
“Yeah,” David said, his voice heavy with emotion, fear and anger and guilt and terror.
I crouched down, looking as closely as I could at the man’s chest, searching for movement.
Nothing.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “I mean—your face, your arms—”
“I’m okay,” he answered. I glanced at his face again. He was staring at the body of his father out of the corner of his eye, like it was an old horror movie monster that might leap up at any second.
The blood on his face was the exact same color as the blood on the man’s knuckles.
“What—” I began, and then cut myself off. “So he—he came at you?”
He was easily six feet, maybe six-two, two hundred and fifty pounds. David looked to be about ninety pounds.
“He was just—”
David choked, swallowed, started again, his voice dull. “Throwing me around. Hitting me. Over and over. Same as always, but—”
He broke off again, started to scrub at his one open eye and then winced. “Kept yelling about how—how I had it coming, how if I hadn’t skipped school, none of this would—would’ve—”
David had already been shouting by the time I got into thought-speak range, his voice bursting into my mind as I crossed the invisible threshold. Rachel! he'd screamed, over and over and over again. Rachel! Help! Rachel! Help!
I looked over at the door. It was locked and bolted, and there were no sounds coming from the walls—if there was anyone in either of the adjacent rooms, they either hadn’t heard or they were minding their own business.
By the time I’d arrived at the window, it was all already over.
“I started morphing, and he—he hadn’t noticed yet, he looked away, and I just—I pushed—he was drunk, he fell over, hit his head—I panicked, and I think he—I don’t think he was seeing straight, he broke the bottle and got back up and came at me anyway—”
—and then the obvious thing had happened.
“Go into the kitchen,” I said. “Check the freezer for ice. Peas. Whatever.”
The boy stood, hesitating. “It wasn’t my—”
“Go, David.”
He went.
Jesus FUCKING Christ.
It wasn’t even Marco’s voice in my head that time—the words were all my own.
Marco…
I reached into my pocket, pulling out the burner cell phone I’d been carrying as part of my emergency kit. Marco was out there, only a few miles away, waiting to be the cavalry—
I hesitated, looking down at the little chunk of plastic.
This wasn’t a cavalry situation—was it?
I felt myself pulling apart, splitting in two—two very loud voices, each one struggling for control. One was the voice that had appeared after my first mistake, when I’d gotten Melissa killed—the one that reminded me that I’d made mistakes, and that others had paid the price for them, and that I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE TAKING MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS ANYMORE—
And the other—
The other was afraid. Unbalanced. In over her head. Wanted to call Marco, not because it was the right thing to do, but just so I wouldn’t have to decide. Wouldn’t have to make the hard calls, wouldn’t have to be responsible. So that someone else would be the grownup, and I wouldn’t have to be on the hook for coming up with an answer—
I heard a crinkling sound, and turned to see David standing in the kitchen doorway, a bag of frozen corn pressed over one eye, the other fixed unblinkingly on me.
Okay.
Say I did nothing—just got out of there. The military police would come by, eventually. They knew about morphing, would figure out what had gone down. And then—
My mind tried to construct the phrase then they’d take David into custody, and threw up an error message. David could morph, he’d either be long gone before they ever showed up or he’d slip their net unless they were extraordinarily good—
And then what? He’s just—on his own?
Well, so were all the other morphers we were creating. Tobias and Garrett were out there right now, making like a dozen every hour.
None of the others are twelve, though.
Or murderers.
My eyes drifted across the bruises covering David’s arms, some of them already darkening to purple. I turned to look at the body on the floor.
I’d left bodies behind that looked exactly like that. Innocent people, most of them. Probably all of them, actually—people who’d had no choice at all about the war they were fighting in.
I looked back at David. He was expressionless. Still. Coiled and waiting.
I didn’t know this kid. If it had been Garrett—
—if it had been Garrett back at the beginning, before you knew him—
Marco had vouched for David. Jake had said to protect him—
—which you didn’t—
—but nobody had said anything about anything like this.
“What do you think we should do?” I asked, my voice too loud in the tense silence.
David tilted his head, one eye still covered by the blue plastic bag. “They’ll arrest me,” he said. “Right?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe. It—I mean, you obviously—”
I gestured at his bruises. You obviously didn’t start this, but—
It took about ninety seconds to morph, during which anybody with half a brain would’ve gotten the hell out of there—if David’s dad had been conscious, he would’ve jumped out the window long before his son could have finished turning into a fucking lion. Unless he was somehow pinned down, in which case he would’ve screamed very loudly for a very long time.
Which meant he been probably hadn’t been conscious.
Which meant that David—
David could’ve just left.
Are you sure? a little voice asked. I mean, is it really all that hard to believe that it played out like he said? Say, he starts morphing, and it’s like thirty seconds in before he really starts to show, and that’s when he knocks his dad over, and then his dad’s out for like thirty seconds, and starts to get up when the morph is mostly done, and David freaks, and swings at him, and then—
It could have happened like that. Happened just wrong, been perfectly timed for the worst possible outcome. I didn’t know. Couldn’t know, not until a day or two had passed, and the memory had coded itself and we could do a morph check. And in the meantime—
Twenty-three days.
I looked down at the phone in my hands.
I really, really, really wished there were grownups.
But there weren’t. Not the kind who know exactly what to do, who wrap you up in a bear hug and make all the problems go away. Not the kind who can tell you that the monsters aren’t real. There was a part of me that wanted to know why this had to be my job, but the rest of me was already ready with an answer:
Because you’re not about to dump it on Marco or Jake.
“David. I’m sorry, okay? I know how this is going to sound, and I’m sorry, but I gotta ask, and I gotta hear you say it.” I took a step toward him—noting the subtle flinch, the way he straightened just a little bit, his free hand tensing—and looked him square in the eye. “Did you kill him on purpose? I mean, like—could you have just left? While he was knocked over?”
David said nothing—just stood there like a statue.
“I mean, geez—he was obviously beating the crap out of you, okay? And I—”
I swallowed. “I’ve killed people before,” I said softly. “In morph, just like this. Sometimes it—sometimes it’s—sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes there’s no other way. I’m not blaming you, okay? But I’ve got to know.”
He stared at me for a long moment, his one eye wide and piercing green. “It happened just like I said,” he whispered.
Fear. Guilt. Panic. Shock. The hint of a tremor, like he was maybe about to cry.
He didn’t sound like he was lying.
But what did I know?
Just that Marco said we wanted him, and that his dad had been a drunk, abusive menace.
And that we had three weeks left before the world ended. Three weeks to try to find—and kill—the architect of this entire war.
Or something.
“All right,” I said slowly. “Look. This is bad. I don’t know how it will fly with the others. But—”
My eyes traced over the scene again. If he had done all of this on purpose—
I tried to imagine Jake, being beaten to within an inch of his life. Whether I’d blame him, if he took it this far. Or Marco. Or Tobias, or Garrett, or Tom, or Ax. I could certainly see myself in David’s shoes, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to judge other people by my moral compass when I wasn’t all that confident in it myself.
Cassie—Cassie would never do it, never endorse it. I could hear the ghost of her objection rising in my mind—talking about rules you didn’t break, lines you didn’t cross, the difference between good and evil.
But you don’t win wars by being good.
“We weren’t planning on staying here very long anyway.”
I tried to imagine the reactions of the people in charge of the base—the military police, the officers, the President. I ran through each of our options in my head, applying Ax’s trick of imagining that they’d gone wrong. A younger, stupider version of me might have tried to do something like impersonate Poznanski and walk David right out the front door…
“Here’s the plan,” I said. “You disappear, now. Bird morph, right out this window. I go back to Ax, watch his back in case they try to lock him down over this. Head straight for Marco at the rendezvous point, tell him what happened—tell him I told you to tell him what happened—and tell him if we’re not back out in—”
I hesitated. If everything failed to go according to plan…
“—four hours, you guys need to come bust us out.”
Lines of possibility—we couldn’t afford to be trapped here, if they decided to be upset about this, but we also couldn’t afford to just throw away our one and only link to any kind of power and authority. I needed to get Ax out of there, and I needed to do it without causing a schism if at all possible—
—and he’s still back there waiting for you to help figure out what the hell to do with the communicator.
I looked down at the phone. It had only been fourteen minutes since I’d left him.
First things first. “You good?” I asked David.
“No,” he answered.
“You want to stay here, instead? Or split off on your own? I won’t stop you.” Couldn’t, really, not that there was any reason to point that out.
David took in a long, shuddering breath, his one eye flickering almost imperceptibly toward the body of his father. “No,” he said. “Please.”
“All right. Then say ‘I’m good,’ even if you’re not, and get the hell out of here.”
“…I’m good.”
* * *
“Marco. David’s en-route, you should see him in about ten minutes. Two developments, one bad and one really bad. First, he’d better immediately tell you…”
* * *
CRAP.
‹Ax, you’ve made sure the Yeerks can’t trace our location through this communicator thing, right?›
‹Yes, Rachel. Also, President Tyagi is coordinating with Paul Evans—she made the point that she should open a channel only at a time when Paul is alone and unobserved.›
It was amazing we weren’t all dead yet.
* * *
Just this once, I prayed.
Just this once, let things go kind of okay, and not completely out-of-control terrible.
I was on the outside of the hangar, in the dark, quiet space between an electrical box and the wall, in moth morph. A greater wax moth, to be precise—one of the specialty morphs Cassie had passed along. It was supposed to have incredible hearing, and I needed to stay outside—so I could demorph and remorph in a hurry if I had to, without getting shot—and I’d thought that maybe I’d be able to eavesdrop on the workshop in the center of the building.
But no such luck—the moth had an incredible range of hearing, but it still couldn’t pick up sounds that were really faint, or really far away. Instead, I just sat on the wall, listening to the squeaks and hums of insects and machinery that even a bat might not have been able to make out.
‹The truck went okay,› Marco said, his thoughts an eerie mirror of my own.
That had happened a few times, since the mesa. Mostly with Marco, but a little bit with Jake and Tom as well. I didn’t know what was behind it, and at the moment, I didn’t really care.
‹The truck went okay,› he repeated, ‹and so did the broadcast. So did the factory, for that matter.›
‹So what,› I bit back. ‹You implying we’re due?›
He had insisted on coming closer after I gave him the news—had left a note for David and flown straight in, demorphing and remorphing in a tiny hollow between two boulders a couple hundred yards away. At the moment, he was a rattlesnake, half-buried in the dust, with a dozen grenades and an Andalite shredder tucked away inside his morph.
Me, I had David Poznanski’s dead father. There hadn’t been anywhere else to put him, and—as Marco had pointed out—we wanted anybody who broke into his quarters to start a manhunt, not a murder investigation. It maybe made things look a little worse, on David’s end, but—
Well. David wasn’t likely to come back and stand trial for it.
‹Not now that you’ve jinxed it,› Marco said dryly. ‹And here I was getting all excited for a change of pace.›
I didn’t say anything. Normally, Marco’s jokes were annoying. Recently, they’d started being actually kind of funny. But right now—
‹Ax,› I broadcast, keeping Marco in the loop even though he wouldn’t be able to hear the response. ‹Anything to report?›
Ax’s answer didn’t come in words, but in a vague burst of sensation, sight and sound and feel, a blurry picture and muffled voices. I could make out a mostly-empty room, a tangled mass of something on a dark table, and a handful of human shapes. One of them was about the right size and shape to be the President, and the other looked about right for Mr. Levy. The image was weirdly disjoint in addition to being blurry, as if it had been recorded cross-eyed.
That, too, was new since the mesa, or maybe since Temrash. I certainly didn’t know how to send thought-speak pictures. Maybe Garrett did…
If I’d had teeth, I would have gritted them. I could feel my mind sliding around—retreating, searching for things to grab on to. Small things, little distractions, stuff that made sense or was made out of tiny mysteries. Anything but the giant, whole-world-at-stake conversation that was about to happen totally outside of my control.
‹All’s clear from Ax,› I relayed to Marco. ‹He’s in some room with your dad and Tyagi. Looks like they have the communicator in there with them.›
‹Won’t be long,› he said, uselessly.
Gritting my mental teeth again, I swallowed my equally useless irritation and said nothing. There was no point in getting mad at Marco, who was just as keyed-up and restless as I was. Neither of us liked being on the outside, just waiting to see what would happen.
But this was Ax’s show—Ax, and Peter.
And Temrash and Essak, I guess.
Another long minute passed, set to the soundtrack of pulses and squeaks that only I could hear.
‹How much time do you have left in morph?› Marco asked.
‹At least forty-five minutes,› I said. ‹And there’s an open dumpster just around the corner. I’ll be fine.›
Marco had been quick on the uptake—incredibly quick, I had to admit, forcing aside jealousy and embarrassment. He’d taken the news without so much as a gasp, and in twenty seconds cut right to the heart of the issue.
We can’t bail now, he’d said, his voice as cold and empty as I’d ever heard it. Not when the Yeerks are the only ones in the solar system with an ark.
And so here we were, waiting and praying—that Tyagi or Ax or Peter could manage to open a line of communication, that Visser Three hadn’t already planned for this and wasn’t just going to wreck everything, that the David situation wouldn’t bring the whole thing crashing down around us, and that—if things did go south—Marco and I could actually do something about it other than just getting ourselves shot by military police.
And in the meantime, my brain refused—absolutely refused—to produce any useful ideas at all on how to stave off the looming apocalypse. It wasn’t that I was frozen or despairing or anything like that. It was just that my mind simply couldn’t find purchase. I just kept—slipping off, finding myself thinking about anything and everything else. Like trying to write a paper, and noticing that you were clicking through photos on the internet for the tenth time in thirty minutes.
‹Ax,› I said again—
—knowing that I was probably getting on his nerves every bit as much as Marco was getting on mine—
‹—how long until—›
The image came back before I could finish the thought, wavering in and out of focus like a camera trying to adjust. After a few seconds, it settled into something only a little bit worse than normal human vision—though still cross-eyed—with sound clear enough that I could tell apart the various voices and hear the motion of feet and the rustle of cloth.
‹Is this good?› Ax asked, his thought-speak voice sounding slightly distracted.
‹Yeah,› I said. ‹Thanks.› And then, to Marco: ‹Looks like they’re about to give it a shot.›
‹Roger. Keep me posted.›
I—turned wasn’t exactly the right word, nor sank, but—I turned toward the image in my mind, let it fill my attention as the dull world of the moth’s senses shrank away, leaving only a high-pitched background warble. It was like I was in the room myself, looking out through Ax’s eyes—
“Ready when you are, Madam President.”
Tyagi nodded, her face too blurry for me to make out her expression, but her bearing straight and confident. “Give me ten seconds, Lieutenant.”
‹Starting,› I whispered to Marco.
Ax’s vision fragmented further as he swept the room with his stalks, then collapsed into a single image as he turned his eyes on the device.
There was a hum—
“Hrutnoj?”
A head like a snake’s, but with a curved, sickle beak and three huge, forward-facing horns—
“Rasiff ghulhadrash female—”
“Greetings,” said the President, interrupting.
“Loglafach! Haff lyet char human hitnef shellah—”
The head vanished from view. There was the faint and distant sound of footsteps on metal, punctuated by vague, tinny voice-sounds. The view of the room shattered and blurred as Ax took in the reactions of the others in the room.
‹There was a Hork-Bajir,› I relayed. ‹Said something about humans, then disappeared—›
A face swam into view—dark skin, short hair, probably male. “Hello,” the voice said. “Who is—”
He broke off, the white blur that was his eyes growing larger, then narrowing.
“My name is Najida Tyagi. I am calling to open diplomatic relations between my people—the United States of America, and the human species—and yours.”
The head disappeared again, and with a click the sound stopped as well. There was a long pause.
‹A human came onto the call, then disappeared,› I said.
“Is it—” President Tyagi began.
‹The call is still live,› Ax said. ‹We’re—you might say we’re on mute.›
The Tyagi blur nodded, and turned back toward the device, waiting silently.
Ten seconds passed.
“Your location is hidden,” the man said, his head abruptly reappearing in the space above the communicator. “Why?”
“This comm system is new,” Tyagi answered smoothly, without a hint of hesitation. “It was cobbled together from spare parts, and is only partly functional—”
“Or because you’re one of the human morphing terrorists,” the man shot back, “and you’re trying to mask your deception.”
“Perhaps,” said Tyagi. “The question is the same in either case—may I speak to someone with diplomatic authority?”
There was a pause. “We’ll speak to you in four months,” he said. “Until then—”
“I note that you are wearing a human body,” Tyagi interrupted, her tone pointed. “Which means that diplomatic relations are already open between our two species, and not going particularly well. Four months is a long time—we wish to talk further now, to resolve and prevent future hostility between Yeerk and human.”
Another pause, and the blur that was the man’s head shifted slightly from side to side, as if listening to something we could not hear. I took advantage of the silence to fill Marco in.
‹The human is back,› I said. ‹Trying to bluster—Tyagi’s trying to get through to somebody with authority.›
I felt Marco’s psychic nod as Tyagi spoke again. “I also note that I am not the only interested party,” she continued. “I have with me here Peter Levy and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, serving as hosts for Essak nine-seven-four and Temrash three-one-three of the Aftran coalescion. They, too, would like to speak to—”
She broke off as the head vanished from view again. I couldn’t be sure, through the fuzzy telepathic link, but this time it looked like it disappeared all at once, rather than ducking out of the frame.
‹Contact is terminated,› Ax said.
“What?”
‹Completely terminated, not just muted. Hang on, we’ll try to restore the link—›
Ax’s forelegs were moving rapidly back and forth in the field of vision, manipulating a set of controls I couldn’t quite make out. ‹No luck,› he said. ‹The contact is blocked or broken—it’s not even responding to neutral pings.›
‹They cut off all of a sudden,› I said, speaking to Marco. ‹Line went totally dead.›
‹What? Why?›
‹Not sure.›
In the room, the others were talking.
‹What was the last thing they said?› Marco asked.
‹It wasn’t them. It was Tyagi talking. She’d just introduced your dad and Ax—›
“Looks like you were right, Peter-and-Essak,” Tyagi was saying.
‹—and the Yeerks.›
‹Aftran,› Marco said.
‹What—oh.›
Oh, crap.
‹The Yeerks—Telor—they didn’t know about Aftran. Who decided—›
‹Hang on, let me focus.›
In the fuzzy thought-speak vision, Ax’s hands had stopped fiddling, and his eyes were trained on Tyagi. “—to be Esplin?” she was asking.
“I don’t know,” Marco’s dad replied. “It doesn’t seem like his style—”
‹Rachel, what—›
‹Shhhh,› I hissed. And then—
‹Ax, what’s going on?›
The mental image blurred even further—darkened, faded, and vanished—replaced by ordinary thought-speak. ‹We decided in advance to admit to Temrash and Essak’s presence. Strengthening our legitimacy as ambassadors. Peter-and-Essak predicted this would provoke a strong reaction, but—›
There was a pause while Ax listened. ‹It’s not clear whether the line was cut because Visser Three was listening in, or to stop him from listening in. Temrash isn’t sure how firm Visser Three’s grip is; that was part of why we thought telling them—›
He broke off again, and suddenly the imperfect image was back. I began slowly filling Marco in as I followed the events unfolding—
‹—receiving an encrypted transmission,› Ax was saying.
“Do you know how to decrypt it?”
Fingers blurring across a keyboard.
‹No,› Ax said. ‹There is a passphrase—we’ve attempted all of the obvious possibilities, just on the off-chance—›
“Obvious?”
‹Aftran, Telor, Esplin, Temrash, Essak, Visser, Animorph, human, Yeerk, Andalite, Controller, Alloran, Elfangor, Janath, Janath the Thousand-Eyed, Tyagi, President, President Tyagi, Vanarx, today’s date in Earth units, today’s date in Yeerk standard fleet time, the address of the YMCA in Ventura, the GPS coordinates of the strike in Ventura, the location of the crash in Washington, D.C., the universal distress code, various close respellings or alphanumeric representations of all of the previous in both human and Yeerk typographies—›
“Okay, okay. Louis?”
One of the darker blurs on the edges of the room detached itself from the wall and smeared closer. “Sir?” it asked, and Ax’s field of vision shifted as he made room.
‹It’s got to be something Ax can’t just guess,› Marco said, after I finished catching him up. ‹Because then Visser Three could just guess it too, right?›
‹Unless this is Visser Three,› I pointed out. ‹Unless he’s just making it difficult so that we’ll think we’re safe, and trust the connection afterward.›
‹He’s not—› Marco began, and then broke off.
‹He’s not what?› I asked.
‹I was going to say, ‘he’s not everywhere,’ but then I remembered Ax’s point about how maybe he’s hanging back for Reasons.›
I shivered.
Back in the projected room, Ax and the human tech—Louis—were talking rapidly, bright symbols hovering in the air above the projector. “—any kind of cross-pool signaling, or chatter?” Louis was asking. “Anything that might serve as an inside reference between Telor and Aftran, but not Visser Three?”
‹Maybe. Don’t forget, though—even together, Temrash and Essak are less coherent and complex than Esplin. If it’s something that requires retaining memories from the sharing—›
“Something more recent, then? Common knowledge, but formed since Esplin became an independent entity?”
‹They’re still working on it,› I said. ‹I’ll let you know if anything changes.›
‹Roger.›
The seconds crawled by. I tried to force my mind toward the larger problem of the Andalite death-rock, but after three failed attempts, I simply let my thoughts churn on the encrypted message. I wasn’t likely to get there before Ax or this Louis person, but—
What do Telor and Aftran have in common?
They were both—Yeerks?
There you go, Rachel. Keep at it.
What would I do if I were Telor? If—for some reason, possibly related to fear-of-being-murdered—I wanted to communicate with Aftran without Visser Three noticing?
Well, first off, I wouldn’t use any kind of channel he’s capable of intercepting, or reading after-the-fact—
‹Ax,› I said.
‹Yeah?›
‹There couldn’t be some other signal that you’re just not paying attention to, could there?›
‹What do you mean?›
‹I mean, something Visser Three might miss, if he’s paying attention to this. Like, a different radio signal or whatever—›
‹Radio?›
There was a silence, and I watched with distant eyes as Ax’s hands fluttered over the out-of-focus controls.
‹No,› he said abruptly. ‹Nothing. Nothing in the EM spectrum at all. Not that’s showing up on this device, anyway. Louis—›
More slow minutes, as Louis called for other equipment to be brought in and President Tyagi began to pace. I could feel the restless pressure building again, the desire to get up and do something, rather than just sitting there uselessly. How many minutes did I have left in morph?
‹I think this is going to end up taking longer than—›
There was a sudden jerk of surprise as the head reappeared in the communicator without warning. “Janath,” said the voice.
‹Wh—›
“Myrtai,” said Marco’s dad, speaking up from a corner of the room.
“Sollonor.”
“Famer.”
“Chetchet.”
“Roh.”
‹Rachel, what’s—›
‹Shh, he’s back. He and your dad are doing some kind of password thing—›
“Temmerret.”
“Niss.”
“Akdor.”
“Carger.”
“Yaheen.”
“Aftran,” said the man in the display, and even filtered through Ax’s perception, I could tell that his tone had softened, and that this name was unlike the others. “Is that really you?”
“In shard alone,” said Marco’s father, his voice cracking. “Two of us.”
There was a long and heavy silence. “Still,” said the man. “It is a light in the darkness.”
“The Visser—”
“The Vanarx, you mean,” the man spat, and I felt the shift in perspective as Ax literally rocked backward in response. “He will not have you.”
He turned toward Tyagi. “You. Madam President, or Animorph—whichever you are. Can you keep this shard safe?”
Tyagi gave the man a measured look, the strained patience on her face visible even through the mental link. But she was a politician, and a good one.
“As a gesture of good faith, of course,” she said. “However, I do not claim to own Essak’s host, Peter, who is a free man to come and go as he pleases.”
The man in the display waved a dismissive hand. “He will come to us,” he said. “When he has delivered Aftran’s requiem to the sharing, we will be his to command. A ship to take him wherever he wants—a ship of his own, if he so desires. He has kept Aftran alive beyond all hope.”
He turned, seeming to look straight at me—at Ax. “And you,” he said. “Andalite. Is it true?”
The picture shifted as Ax nodded, human-fashion. ‹Odret the defiler, and Esplin the abomination,› he broadcast, the words clearly public for all to hear. ‹We are Temrash, and we are Aximili, and we bring a new way—cooperation, rather than control.›
The man’s eyes widened again, a smear of white against the blurred dark brown. “Esplin still commands,” he said. “But word of your survival is spreading. We will find a way to bring you home.”
‹Marco,› I whispered. ‹I think—okay, so maybe this is all just a charade, a trap—›
“Their safety must be assured,” Tyagi broke in. “They are ambassadors of Earth, as well as heirs of Aftran.”
‹—but it sounds like Telor—›
“We must speak again, to discuss details. On a more secure channel.”
‹—Telor might be mutinying against Visser Three—›
“In thirteen hours?” Tyagi asked, her tone sly.
‹—to rescue Aftran. Temrash and Essak, I mean.›
‹Seriously?›
“Thirteen,” echoed the man, his voice almost ritually somber. “Use the last of the previous message as a passphrase. May you bring back light and laughter.”
And then—as abruptly as he’d appeared—he was gone.
‹Thirteen hours from now,› I said, still watching through Ax’s eyes.
‹And then twenty two more days,› Marco answered.
Oh, right, said the part of my brain that had been thinking about absolutely anything else.
That.
Chapter 37: Chapter 28: Garrett
Notes:
We're DEFINITELY past the halfway mark, at this point, and as we come down the home stretch, I'm thinking about possibly getting these printed and bound (just for myself, but I'd make the necessary files available to those of you who want them). That means I'll need COVERS, and so I'm curious whether any of you are, or know, an artist capable and interested in doing classic Animorphs-style transformation pictures, for a moderate commission. I'm thinking it'd probably be cool if they were drawn/painted rather than CG, but I guess I'd take either if they were good. I want them to all be in the same style, though, rather than having multiple artists. I'd love to break the final work up into e.g. seven "books" with Jake, Rachel, Marco, Cassie, Tobias, Ax, and Garrett each transforming into a memorable whatnot on the cover.
Chapter Text
Chapter 28: Garrett
‹The voice you are now hearing inside your head is real. You’re not crazy—everyone else can hear it, too. No, seriously—look around. See? You’re all wigging out.›
There were eight police officers spread out around the house and four more waiting by the cars in the street, plus the two paramedics by the ambulance, which was a pretty big number but still small enough that I could keep track of everyone as long as I was paying very very close attention, which I was.
‹My name is—ah, ah, ah! You might want to wait on that, Officer Hartell. The rest of you, too—any of you call this in, or even click your radios, or go for your phones, or whatever, and this conversation ends and me and my fellow Animorphs move on to the next batch of people. Sorry to be rude, but we’re exposed here, and if this can’t be a private conversation then it can’t be a conversation.›
The rest of the street was empty, grownups gone to work and kids gone to school. The nearest person was a retired old lady seven houses down. All around the house, the cops looked at one another, bewildered—
“Regroup!” shouted SERGEANT COUTEAU, whose name badge and insignia I could read just fine thanks to the super-vision of the RED-TAILED HAWK whose body I was wearing. “Front yard, everybody! Hold radio silence for now.”
Moving slowly, he lifted his own radio, held down the button, and said—loudly and clearly so that everyone could hear—“Dispatch, this is Couteau at the code two on Spruce. I need everybody’s eyes on for the next few minutes. We’re going dark, checking back in at—”
‹Two forty-five ought to do it.›
“—fourteen forty-five.”
“Roger, Sergeant,” came the reply.
‹Just for the record, there’s nobody in the house. Sorry for the fake call, but we didn’t want to do this at the station—lot harder to walk away.›
Holding my wings out for balance, I shifted on the branch to get a better view of the police officers coming around the far side of the house. I used to have a rule that was NO FLYING because of what had happened back before we understood how MORPH INTERFERENCE works, but now that that was solved it was pretty useful to be able to spy on things from the top of a very tall tree. So far, none of the police officers had tried to call anybody, which was easy to tell because once TOBIAS started talking nine of them had pulled out their GUNS and police officers are really very good about making sure they hold on with BOTH HANDS. Also the risk was much lower than usual anyway because police officers are trained to follow orders from their SUPERIORS, unlike the one time when we were in the cafeteria of a robotics company and even though the manager told everyone to play along three of them had started to type SECRET TEXTS inside their pockets and I had to do some thought-screaming to make them stop.
‹As I was saying,› TOBIAS said, as the police officers and the paramedics came together in front of the house in a neat sort of star-shaped pattern that left at least two of them looking in every direction but also put SERGEANT COUTEAU right in the middle where everyone could see and hear him. ‹My name is Tobias, and I’m here on behalf of the resistance. You’ve all seen the broadcast by now, and you know about the morphing power. We’re giving it out, no strings attached—that’s the ability to turn into any creature you can touch for about an hour at a time, plus telepathy while you’re in morph and some other goodies you’ll figure out as you go along.›
There were no reactions other than some more glances, which wasn’t very surprising since even though we’d been trying to keep things somewhat under wraps we’d done this ninety-six different times in the past week and a half and what had started out as whispers and rumors was starting to be pretty concrete with PICTURES and VIDEOS and even a couple of MAPS, all of which you could find all over the INTERNET.
‹Any of you can say yes,› TOBIAS continued. ‹You don’t all have to agree, some of you can say no. But if even one of you is in, you’re going to all have to agree to set aside your weapons for about ten minutes. That part has to be unanimous—if you’re not willing to trust us that much, we walk. Can’t divide the group, either—we don’t want one of you running off to alert the internet while the rest of us are stuck here like sitting ducks. And sorry to be pushy, but we’re on a tight schedule and every additional second makes this riskier for us, so you’ve also got to make your decision in the next three minutes.›
If you just went off of AVERAGES then there was around a fifteen percent chance that any given person would say YES to the morphing power which meant that the odds of half of them saying YES was about one point seven out of a million and the odds of all of them saying YES was about nineteen point four out of a trillion—not counting OFFICER DELGADO, who was secretly just TOBIAS in disguise—but that would be ignoring the fact that men said YES more often than women and also that people in uniforms said YES more often than people with other kinds of jobs which made the odds more like one in a hundred thousand which doesn’t sound much better but that’s because most people’s brains are really bad at dealing with big numbers and noticing that a difference of several ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE is pretty significant. And even that wasn’t accounting for things like DISCIPLINE and AUTHORITY which given the way most of them were quietly looking at SERGEANT COUTEAU was probably going to be a pretty big factor for this group.
I still wouldn’t have bet money that more than one of them would say YES, but then again I also wouldn’t have bet a lot of money on a NO because even though we’d talked to nine thousand two hundred and twenty-one people that still wasn’t all that many people and people were still doing things that were VERY SURPRISING like the man who had asked us eight different times if we would give morphing power to his dog, who even though he was named OLIVER which is a HUMAN PERSON’S NAME was still just a regular dog and that didn’t seem like a very good idea or even one that would work.
We ended up not giving the owner morphing power, either, for reasons which TOBIAS told him should be PRETTY OBVIOUS AT THIS POINT.
‹Tobias here,› said TOBIAS, speaking in the much quieter voice that always meant I am talking to just you like the way DOCTOR GRANT said big Tim, the human piece of toast when he was talking to TIM MURPHY in the movie JURASSIC PARK, which was the best of all the movies they had for us to watch at OAK LANDING back before it got blown up with the rest of VENTURA COUNTY. There wasn’t anybody else from the team around, and so maybe it wasn’t quite as important as usual to follow the rule about identifying yourself before you said anything else, but TOBIAS was doing it anyway because he knew that RULES MATTER to me and when you care about someone else one of the things you do is take the stuff that’s important to them and you add it to the list of stuff that’s important to you, even if it’s a little lower down or not quite all of it. That’s one of the ways that you can tell that someone REALLY MEANS IT and isn’t just BULLSHITTING you, and so the fact that TOBIAS never ever forgot wasn’t just about following the rule but was also him saying I LOVE YOU which is a sentence he probably won’t ever say out loud because of stuff like STREET CRED but that doesn’t matter because he says it in a bunch of other ways all the time, like when he came back to get me from OAK LANDING in the first place which if he hadn’t done it I would already be dead.
‹—everything look good up there? Over.›
‹Garrett,› I answered. Taking a very quick break from watching the people down below, I scanned up and down all of the nearby streets and peeked into all of the cars and houses that I could see from my perch in the tree. The RED-TAILED HAWK’S vision is very good at picking up on things-that-are-moving-on-purpose and filtering out things-that-are-moving-because-of-the-wind or things-that-aren’t-moving-at-all, and so I was pretty confident that the fact I didn’t see anything important coming meant that nothing important was coming. All I could see was normal-looking traffic and about eighty-three squirrels, give or take, so I said ‹We’re all clear, over.›
The next part was the dangerous part, where TOBIAS would have to come out of morph to use the ISCAFIL DEVICE, and it was going to be especially tricky because TOBIAS wasn’t just coming out of any old random human morph the way he was most of the time we did this, he was coming out of OFFICER DELGADO because it was OFFICER DELGADO who’d insisted that we contact his fellow police officers but also we had insisted that he not be present because that would introduce TOO MANY VARIABLES. And that was probably going to make SERGEANT COUTEAU and the other police officers at least a little bit concerned about what had happened to the real OFFICER DELGADO, who was perfectly fine but they would only have TOBIAS’S word for that and maybe that wouldn’t be enough.
Even worse was the way that, if one of them threatened TOBIAS like with a GUN or something and I used my thought-scream to knock them over, that would probably make all the other police officers a lot more hostile and suspicious and more likely to do something stupid and then things could get very complicated very quickly and so the plan was that if anything started to go wrong I was supposed to knock over everybody and then TOBIAS would run around and grab all the GUNS and also the radios and any cell phones and then we would start over from scratch, but then it would probably be a lot harder to convince them that we were good guys, which would ruin the whole point of staying in DARLINGTON for this one extra batch when ordinarily we would have already moved on to a different city.
But then again none of that would matter if nobody freaked out in the first place, and even more importantly none of it would matter if they just decided NO so while it was good that we had a plan in place it wasn’t really worth worrying about it yet, so I stopped.
Other than my quick look-around-at-everything-else breaks, I was still watching the fourteen huddled bodies very closely. Even if I hadn’t already known which one was TOBIAS, I think I would have been able to pick him out pretty easily because of the way he held his shoulders and the way his eyes moved around. I know you might think OFFICER DELGADO’S partners and friends would have noticed something different about him if it was different enough for me to tell, but it turns out that most people don’t pay very close attention to those sorts of things, which I guess makes sense since most of the time the odds of somebody being bodysnatched or impostered are pretty low, but still.
TOBIAS was mostly keeping quiet. In fact, most of them were mostly keeping quiet—they were talking one at a time, in low, controlled voices, with SERGEANT COUTEAU mostly acting as a kind of moderator or judge. It was less of a back-and-forth argument about should we stay or go and more of a team effort as they each raised different points and all of them tried to figure out exactly what was going on and what the best move was, together. At one point, OFFICER KLEIN raised the possibility of an ambush, and then OFFICER NOLAN pointed out that hostile aliens could probably launch an ambush without requiring the victims’ active cooperation, and then OFFICER FARLOW said that once your opponent thought that way, you could save a lot of resources by banking on the reputation, and then OFFICER TYRE interrupted and said that they had maybe a minute left and they should probably focus, and then everyone else nodded right away. It was nice and I was impressed—TOBIAS and JAKE and RACHEL and MARCO and AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and JAKE’S BROTHER TOM and I were almost that good at having a figure-stuff-out type of meeting, but we hadn’t gotten that way until after the mesa and the police officers had done it without any help from ADVANCED ALIEN TECHNOLOGY.
And then in the end the last thing that decided them was OFFICER JACOBS pointing out that six hundred thousand people had died in the VENTURA COUNTY MASSACRE and that as police officers it was their job to take risks to protect people and so the question wasn’t whether it was SAFE so much as whether it was IMPORTANT, and that made me feel a kind of warm golden glowy feeling toward her because it meant that she, too, was THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THE RIGHT THING EVEN IF IT’S HARD, and then all of the rest of them nodded and SERGEANT COUTEAU said “okay” and the glowy feeling got a whole lot bigger and spread out to cover all of them.
‹All right, then,› said TOBIAS, in his loud, public sort of voice. ‹Let’s do this. If you would all step around to the side yard, please—out of sight of the street—and slowly place your radios and phones on the ground, along with your magazines. You can hold on to your guns, but I’d like you to take the bullet out of the chamber and put it into your pocket. We don’t need any let’s-call-them-accidents.›
I watched them all like a hawk—which is a very good joke no matter what MARCO says—as they followed his directions, and while it might have been possible for one of them to click their radio or something without me noticing, there definitely wasn’t anybody doing anything like sending a text that required pushing more than one or two buttons. And even though it feels weird to use them and they when talking about just one person who might be he or she or whatever, in 2015 the AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY made the singular they their WORD OF THE YEAR, which is about as close to official as words ever really get.
And if they had tried to sound some kind of alarm…
Well. TOBIAS and I had made it out of some pretty sticky situations before, so I was NOT AFRAID.
‹All right,› said TOBIAS again. ‹How many of you are in?›
Five of the fourteen grownups raised their hands—one of them TOBIAS, because the real OFFICER DELGADO had raised his hand that morning—while all fourteen turned their heads left and right, looking for the source of the voice. Some of them looked up, but none of them looked up any higher than the roof of the house, which MARCO would have called HALF-ASSING IT ‘TIL YOU DIE.
‹Okay, then. Here’s the spiel. At some point, somebody who’s been given the morphing power is going to get captured by the Yeerks. It’s inevitable. Nothing we can do about it except not give you the power, and fuck that. But when it happens, they’re going to know everything. Everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve done, everything you’ve ever even thought about. They’re going to know all of it. They’re going to take this conversation right here and replay it over and over until they’ve squeezed out every possible detail, whether you thought it was relevant or not. And then they’re going to use you to try to hunt down everyone else. So until somebody invents a way to make Yeerk-proof earplugs, every single new recruit is a threat to us, and every single one of you is a threat to each other. That threat kind of goes down the more of you we make, but right now, you’re ticking time bombs, all of you.›
The police officers and paramedics shifted back and forth, looking grim—all of them, not just the ones who’d raised their hands. TOBIAS was broadcasting to the whole group because we wanted everybody going into the future with their eyes open.
‹So the solution is, we don’t tell you anything. We don’t coordinate. It’s probably better if you split up, from here—move around, spread out so that none of you know where the others are—but we’re not going to enforce that, either. It’s up to you. Just remember, the point is not to present a single, unified front. It’s to have sleeper agents everywhere in case things go south. You’re not the army, you’re the right-to-bear-arms guys living in every tenth house that makes it so the U.S. can’t be conquered all at once. No matter where you end up, you’ll be doing good—sooner or later, this war’s going to come to you, and that’s when you step up and do what needs to be done.›
They straightened up just a little bit, at that, even the ones who hadn’t raised their hands. I might not have noticed it if I’d had human eyes, but to the RED-TAILED HAWK it was clear as day.
‹Remember the rules. Touch an animal and focus on it to acquire. One hour at a time in morph. Three hundred yard range on your telepathy. Ninety seconds to transform, and you can carry things like clothing and small items with you if you focus on them while you’re morphing. That’s pretty much it—oh, except that you can morph into yourself if you acquire your own DNA from somebody who’s morphed into you, and that way if you get hurt or if a Yeerk infests you, you can just demorph back into your real body. Just remember that the time limit still holds—stay much past an hour, and you’re toast.›
TOBIAS paused, and I took advantage of the silence to do another quick scan of the nearby houses and streets and give the ALL CLEAR.
‹Given all of that,› he continued, ‹who’s still in?›
There was a long moment as the police officers and paramedics looked back and forth at one another, and then—
Eleven hands, now including SERGEANT COUTEAU and both paramedics and all four of the women, which RACHEL would maybe glare at me for being surprised by but it hadn’t happened before.
ALERT, went a part of my BRAIN. ALERT, ALERT—something is BROKEN.
I had figured that the odds of HALF the group saying YES were maybe a little better than one in a hundred thousand, and now there were ELEVEN of them saying YES, and that could maybe-just-maybe mean that we were in the one-out-of-a-hundred-thousand universe but almost by DEFINITION we PROBABLY WEREN’T which meant that the odds probably hadn’t been that bad and I was doing something WRONG when I tried to turn the numbers-of-people-who-had-said-YES-in-the-PAST into a PREDICTION about how many people would say YES in the FUTURE—
‹Huh. I guess Delgado was right.›
Their heads snapped around to where TOBIAS had taken a step back, away from the group, and was already holding up both hands in a sort of calm down gesture. “Relax,” he said, out loud. “Don’t panic, he’s fine. We caught up with him this morning at the town hall meeting, and he took us up on our offer, along with about eight other people. He’s the one who suggested we call you guys in.”
There was a stunned sort of silence, and I tensed, holding up an image in my head of thirteen grownups surrounding a TOBIAS-shaped hole, just in case—
“Stand down,” said SERGEANT COUTEAU, with a kind of it figures sigh. “He’s either telling the truth, or there’s nothing we can do about it anyway.” His eyes narrowed as he looked at TOBIAS, whose features were starting to emerge from OFFICER DELGADO’S shrinking face. “Not that that’ll stop us from trying, even if it’s hopeless,” he warned, his voice flat and heavy.
“Fair enough,” TOBIAS said. “You’ll notice we haven’t done anything abducty to any of you. That ought to count for something.”
No one said anything else as he continued demorphing, though several of them stiffened at the first flash of blue as the ISCAFIL DEVICE began to grow out of his left palm, and stiffened again as his right hand shrank away and was replaced by nothing.
“You—” SERGEANT COUTEAU began, cutting himself off abruptly.
“What?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
Thirty more seconds passed, and then TOBIAS was awkwardly one-handedly tightening OFFICER DELGADO’S black nylon belt, the ISCAFIL DEVICE tucked under one arm, the black button-down shirt hanging loosely off of his shoulders. Looking around the half-circle of grownups, he said “Five at a time,” and held out the cube.
The grownups hesitated, looking nervously back and forth at one another until SERGEANT COUTEAU stepped forward, followed by OFFICER ISAKSON, OFFICER NOLAN, OFFICER HARTELL, and PARAMEDIC DUNN.
“One hand on each face.”
They complied, clustering around the ISCAFIL DEVICE.
“On three,” TOBIAS said. “One. Two. Three.”
They shivered the same way people always shivered, as if they’d grabbed a live electrical wire. “That’s it,” TOBIAS said, withdrawing the cube. “Next five.”
They stepped back, allowing OFFICERS TYRE, TAYLOR, NEBRIG, and JACOBS—and PARAMEDIC SHATTUCK—to shuffle forward.
“And last but not least.”
OFFICER FARLOW stepped up, his eyes bright behind a dark red birthmark, and became the one-thousand-three-hundred-and-sixty-eighth AUXILIARY ANIMORPH.
“All right,” TOBIAS said, as OFFICER FARLOW backed away, shaking his hand a little. “That—well, that’s pretty much it. You’ll want to try acquiring something as soon as possible, because it takes a few hours of processing before you’re actually ready to transform the first time. By the time you get to your third or fourth animal, it should be pretty much instantaneous.” He turned toward SERGEANT COUTEAU. “Got any other questions before we split?”
“Only about a million.”
“I’ll take one.”
SERGEANT COUTEAU looked around at the other men and women as TOBIAS began to grow again, tucking the cube back under his arm and reaching down to loosen the belt with his left hand. “Where can we find Delgado?” the police officer asked.
TOBIAS smiled as the dark, bushy mustache began to push its way out of his upper lip. “He was sure you’d ask that,” he answered. “Told me to tell you he was getting some supplies together, and anyone who wanted to team up could meet him at the long-term airport parking lot around sundown.”
And with a sloppy, mock salute, TOBIAS turned and walked away.
* * *
‹Garrett here,› I said. ‹Tobias, you’ve got one on your tail, over.›
‹Roger,› TOBIAS answered back. ‹Which one? Over.›
‹Farlow. He’s hanging back a lot, like he’s trying not to spook you. Over.›
‹The others? Over.›
‹Stayed together, left in the cars. Nowhere nearby, over.›
Down below, TOBIAS stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk, turning to face the way he’d come. A little over a hundred yards back, OFFICER FARLOW slowed to a stop as well, his face twisted up with indecision.
It had only taken us one day to develop a POLICY around stuff like this.
‹Before you come any closer, Carl,› TOBIAS said, including me in his broadcast, ‹you need to understand three things. One, I’m not alone. Two, you can’t come with me. Three, I’m going to be a hundred miles away by five o’clock, and I don’t do special requests and I don’t have time for detours. I’ll give you one minute to say whatever it is you’ve got to say, and then we split, or I split you. Understood?›
‹He’s nodding,› I said. ‹Over.›
‹Drop your gun into those bushes.›
‹He did, over.›
‹All right, get over here.›
It didn’t take long—TOBIAS didn’t move because of STATUS but OFFICER FARLOW covered the distance at a fast walk, words already spilling from his mouth as he drew closer—
“You can’t leave yet, there’s someone you need to meet, someone who’s been hoping for a chance to connect with the resistance, he’s been tracking the—”
TOBIAS was already shaking his head, sort of sadly-on-purpose. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “We’ve got too many places to get to—we can’t get to everybody. If it makes any difference, we have sources and contacts in the government and military, so if your friend routes through them—”
“Let me finish,” OFFICER FARLOW hissed. “He’s staying off the grid for the same reason you are—the government’s been compromised since the beginning, he’s been tracking extraterrestrial movement for four months now—”
“Wait. Did you say four months?”
“Yes. He’s up at the Atlas Labs resonance and imaging center, he’s been stockpiling—”
“Stop.”
“You’re only giving me one minute—”
“I’ll give you more than one minute, just stop for a second.”
TOBIAS very carefully did not look up at me—very carefully did not look at anything at all, just put his hand on his chin and stared down at OFFICER FARLOW’S feet as if he was thinking very hard, which probably wasn’t hard to fake since I’m pretty sure he was thinking very hard. ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL’S ship had crash-landed in the construction site just a little over two months ago, which meant that anyone who’d been paying attention to the invasion for four months had been aware of it for twice as long as any of us.
‹Tobias here—›
‹Garrett,› I said, cutting him off. ‹I vote yes, over.›
There were any number of reasons why following up on this might be a BAD IDEA—hoax, trap, waste of time—but if it was real…
We’d been zigzagging from city to city, hitching rides on trucks and planes, grabbing almost-random groups of people, trying our best to spread the morphing power as far as we could. We’d converted scientists, engineers, businessmen, police officers, soldiers, pilots, members of the NATIONAL GUARD, construction workers, martial arts instructors, doctors, lawyers, athletes, software developers—sometimes as many as fifteen groups a day, sometimes as many as fifty at a time.
But the point wasn’t to spread the morphing power specifically—it was to get HUMANITY on its FEET. To give people the MORAL AUTHORITY to step up and take ownership of the fight, to overcome what RACHEL had called the BYSTANDER EFFECT.
And in all that time—all ninety-seven different groups, all one thousand three hundred and sixty-eight YESSES—we hadn’t found one single person who was already on it. Who was already taking action, not just sitting around and waiting for someone else to tell them what to do, waiting for someone else to save them.
‹This just—falls into our laps?› TOBIAS said quietly. ‹Out of the blue? Over.›
‹We have been doing this for ten days straight,› I pointed out. ‹Thirty-two cities. Eighteen states. Over ten thousand people. And we’ve been looking for good people. If there was a one-in-ten-thousand chance, over.›
It always felt weird to end a trailing-off sort of sentence with a very clear over but that was the rule. I wondered if anybody in the actual military had figured out a solution, but probably the solution was that in the military you didn’t say any sentences that trailed off without a POINT.
‹Still,› TOBIAS said. ‹Risky. Over.›
‹Right thing? Over?›
I had noticed that TOBIAS was very sensitive to the whole RIGHT THING thing ever since the MISSION TO DESTROY THE YEERK POOL, so I tried to put a very obvious QUESTION MARK on it so he wouldn’t feel like I was trying to put him in a BIND. I was pretty sure that it was our job to investigate stuff like this even if it was DANGEROUS but also TOBIAS was IN CHARGE and since the alternative was making something like fifty more AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS before sundown it wasn’t like it would be terrible if we took a pass.
But TOBIAS was thinking along the same lines I was thinking along, or else he was TRAPPED by the thing I had said even though I had tried not to make it a TRAP, because after a few more seconds of quiet thinking all he said was ‹Okay› and then out loud to OFFICER FARLOW “Okay. Here’s how we do this. I acquire you, and then I contact this—”
“His name’s Thàn Suoros. Like ‘Tom’ with an ‘n.’”
“Thàn. You said he was at Atlas Labs—what’s that? Where is it?”
“It’s—I can—it’s the big facility up in the hills, the one with the radio telescopes—”
“Which way?”
“That way, about—about eight miles from here, but—I should go with you—”
“Nope. We don’t do chaperones, sorry. Think about it from our perspective—”
And then TOBIAS proceeded to explain some of the basics of OPERATIONAL SECURITY IN GUERRILLA WARFARE to OFFICER FARLOW as I launched myself from my perch and spiraled up into the sky on the column of hot air rising off of the street.
TOBIAS would buy me forty-five minutes at least, which was most of the time I had left in morph. He would spin out the maybe-unnecessary tactics lesson for as long as possible, and then argue with OFFICER FARLOW for a while before eventually agreeing to let him introduce us to THÀN SUOROS—but not until he could acquire and morph OFFICER FARLOW first, just to be safe—and then they would have to find a private place to do it, and then OFFICER FARLOW would be allowed to actually contact his friend and set up a rendezvous for some time in the future, by which point I would have already at least had a chance to take a look around.
It was still a GAMBLE, because if it was a TRAP and it was well-designed, then OFFICER FARLOW'S ACCOMPLICES would already be on alert and I was leaving TOBIAS by himself with OFFICER FARLOW, too, but just like OFFICER NOLAN had pointed out if your enemy was that ON THE BALL then they were going to catch you anyway, so you might as well DO WHAT MAKES SENSE and not trip yourself up trying too hard to outguess people trying to outguess you outguessing them while they outguessed you.
‹Tobias here,› said TOBIAS, as I floated up toward the edge of thought-speak range. ‹You take care of yourself, over.›
I only had time to say ‹Roger› before I was too high up to say anything else, which was a shame because I was pretty sure that the sentence TOBIAS said actually meant to say about five different things, like take care of yourself but also don’t be stupid and also you should probably be more cautious than you think you should be, even after taking this sentence into account and also if anything happens to you I am going to do some very bad things to OFFICER FARLOW and THÀN SUOROS and also I love you of course. And if I’d had time I would have tried to come up with my own clever tricky sentence and it would have said take care of yourself too and I won’t do anything risky unless there’s a really good reason and I’m not afraid and I’ll see you at the rendezvous point and of course I love you, too and maybe also if something bad happens to me, don’t forget that protecting the cube is maybe more important than getting revenge. But it didn’t matter too much that I didn’t get to say any of those things, because TOBIAS already knew them and besides, we were going to see each other in an hour or two anyway. That’s called WISHFUL THINKING, and it’s bad if you don’t notice yourself doing it but it’s totally okay to do as long as you’re doing it on purpose and are SELF-AWARE.
* * *
There are some things which bother me a lot that other people don’t really care much about at all, like the sound of an AMBULANCE which hurts my ears and makes it impossible to think and makes me kind of fold up inside, or having a bunch of people LOOKING at me which suddenly reminds me that my FACE has all kinds of MUSCLES that are doing stuff without me thinking about it and people are interpreting it in all kinds of complicated ways and the fact that I’m noticing it means it’s not happening automatically or naturally anymore—like when you notice that you’re breathing—and it’s way too hard to get it all right on purpose so I usually just try to HIDE, or like SHRIMP which most people pay a lot of money to eat but if I ate one I would DIE.
Being inside of other bodies and other brains has given me a lot of PERSPECTIVE on how these things feel when you are NOT GARRETT and so now instead of being CONFUSED I kind-of-sort-of GET IT, and that’s also helped a lot even when I’m in my own body, like how for instance I can usually just let my face do whatever it wants when I’m around the other ANIMORPHS and if the conversation is really important I can even look right at JAKE’S EYEBALLS for up to seven seconds without getting distracted by all of his FACE MUSCLES.
All of which is to say that even though I was KEENING a little bit through my teeth, I was still on my feet and moving and thinking and I think that was pretty good given that the lights had suddenly turned BLOOD RED and there was a VERY LOUD SIREN that was trying to eat my whole brain. If this had happened to me two months ago I would have definitely been curled up in a corner instead of running toward the EXIT.
(The lights and noise had started almost as soon as I’d begun to demorph, and I probably should have just reversed the process and then gone right back out the open window I’d crawled in through, but I had been a little bit SHAKEN UP as you might imagine and when I felt myself LOSING FOCUS I had sort of automatically tried not to instead of pausing to think carefully about all of my options. This was the sort of thing that somebody would maybe criticize from the outside without ever really thinking about just how SCARY and CONFUSING things had been in the moment and so I would not have appreciated hearing about it or as MARCO would have said, SUE ME.)
Anyway, I was exposed and in my normal human body, which was bad, but at the same time that meant I had access to the KAHR CM9 .380 HANDGUN which I’d had in my left hand when I morphed, and the PICATINNY ET-MP GRENADE which I’d had in my right, plus the BURNER PHONE in my pocket that I could pull out any time I felt like putting down either of those, which I currently did not.
It had taken about seventy seconds for my morph to progress to the point where I could run and shoot and maybe another ten seconds to very carefully peek out into the hallway and make sure the COAST WAS CLEAR, which is a metaphor and does not mean that I was anywhere near water, and then another five or so seconds to run most of the way down the long, empty hallway, which was when the BLOOD RED LIGHTS and VERY LOUD SIREN suddenly switched off. That meant that by the time I slammed through the gray metal door under the EXIT sign and found myself in a metal-grate stairwell, THÀN SUOROS and whoever else was in the ATLAS LABS RESONANCE AND IMAGING CENTER had known I was there for at least eighty-five seconds, which made the question of up or down one worth spending a few seconds on.
It had been hard to tell from the outside because the ATLAS LABS RESONANCE AND IMAGING CENTER was built into a hill, but I was pretty sure I was on the fourth floor which meant that if I went DOWN I was going to be reaching ground level at about T-PLUS ONE HUNDRED SECONDS and getting to the gate at about T-PLUS ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SECONDS and then if the gate that I had seen as I flew in didn’t open from the inside I was going to have to try to blow it open which would bring me to at least T-PLUS ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SECONDS before I would be outside the perimeter. On the other hand, if I went UP then there was only one flight of stairs—
—running—
—between me and the rooftop, and if that door was open it was probably safer to be heading for the roof than for the OBVIOUS EXIT, they would have more people blocking the ground than the sky—
The door to the roof was locked. I could try shooting it off with the GUN or blowing it open with the GRENADE or I could start morphing into something tiny right then or I could head back downstairs having wasted maybe fifteen seconds—
“Whoever you are—please, stop!”
The voice was loud and distant-sounding, like it was coming from an intercom back out in the hallway. I turned and began clattering back down the stairs—
“There’s no one here but me—you’re not under threat.”
—past the fourth floor, past the third floor—
“I’m sorry about the alarm, I didn’t know it would be that loud, I set it to wake me up if there were any local spikes and I didn’t check the stupid defaults, that was the general alert—”
—past the second floor and down to ground level, where I slammed against the push bar of the heavy steel door—
Locked. It was locked, which was a FIRE CODE VIOLATION and VERY MUCH AGAINST THE RULES, most of me was in FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MODE but there was a part of me that was still outraged by that.
“I see you. I see you there, in the east stairwell. Look—”
There was a click, and I sprang back away from the door, raising my GUN to point right at where someone’s head would be if they came through it—
“—I’ve unlocked the door, okay? You’re free to leave if you want. But if you’re okay with staying, I’d be interested in talking with you—”
There was a voice in my head that was screaming TRAP very loudly, almost as loudly as the voice that was screaming GET OUT GET OUT and I tried to weigh the different possibilities against one another, was there any reason to let me out of the building as a trick—
“—and I have some tools and information that I expect you and your friends will find extremely useful.”
Slowly, carefully, I eased forward, keeping my GUN pointed toward the danger zone. I crouched—sat—lay down on the floor and reached up with my foot to push against the bar, opening the door half an inch—
Nothing. No spray of bullets, no shouts, no uniformed henchmen flooding into the stairwell.
“There’s no one out there. I can see you, okay? You’re lying on your back, you just opened the door with your foot. Look, I’m the only person here, I’m two floors away from you, there’s nothing stopping you from—ah, shit.”
I rolled forward onto my knees, nudging the door open a little further. There wasn’t anyone in the arc I could see—only gravel leading to the edge of the forest—but that didn’t mean there weren’t people behind the door—
“Hello—no—yes, this is Thàn Suoros, I’m one of the employees—S-U-O-R-O-S—yeah, no, it was a mistake, sorry. No, for sure—I’ve located the source. Yep, definitely okay here. Yeah, hang on, it was—here it is. Ready? Fright, crop, alphabetic, tremor, ghoul. All right, thanks.”
Carefully placing the GRENADE by my hip, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the STEEL MIRROR that I had borrowed from SERGEANT NICKERSON. Leaning forward, I held it an inch above the ground and slowly eased it around the door—
Nothing. All clear.
“Look, that was the security company, checking in on the alarm. I got rid of them, okay? You heard that. So here are your options—”
Picking up the GRENADE, I stood and lunged through the door, running for the corner of the building—
“—you can leave, now, or you can stay, you must have come here for a reason—”
—rounding the corner, I headed for the gate—
“God dammit—look, I am opening the gate for you, all right? Will you please just calm DOWN?”
I slowed, my HEART still racing, sweat pouring from my face and back and neck.
The gate was rolling open.
“Look—just stay there, okay? Stay right there—or go outside the gate, I don’t care—and I’ll come to you.”
Odds of SINCERITY, odds of DECEPTION—how much could I trust my ODDS-ing, I had been very very wrong about the police officers—
“I’m signing off. It’ll take me a minute and a half to get out there. I hope you’re still there when I show up.”
A minute and a half—
Crouching down, I set down the gun and the grenade and began untying my shoe as quickly as I could, pulling the shoelace out as I focused most of my attention on the SILVERBACK GORILLA. The changes began, and I channeled them away from my fingers and hands as I looped the string around the metal ring at the top of the GRENADE—
There. I could now pull the pin even with fat GORILLA fingers.
The gate finished rolling open, and I grabbed the GUN, absorbing it back into the morph along with my unlaced shoe. Seconds passed as my body swelled, pound after pound of muscle pouring onto my arms, my legs, my chest. Dark, bristly hair sprouted from everywhere, and I leaned forward onto my knuckles as they thickened into sausages—
A hundred yards away, a door in the featureless white wall swung open.
I reached down, grabbing the now-tiny-seeming GRENADE and sticking a finger through the loop of string.
The man that stepped out through the door was thin, with close-cropped hair and a straight, serious expression. He was wearing a green t-shirt and tight, dark pants, with mismatched socks above worn brown shoes. He was maybe about the same height and weight as JAKE’S BROTHER TOM, making him not very big for a grownup and definitely not very big compared to a SILVERBACK GORILLA. He had his hands out in front of him to show that they were empty, and was walking straight toward me without any sign of hesitation.
When he got to within twenty yards I raised the GRENADE and he stopped, lifting his empty hands up a little higher before dropping them down to his sides.
“Your move,” he said simply, his voice matter-of-fact, without any special EMOTION or EMPHASIS. “If you can fit through the door, you’re welcome to come inside. I'd rather you didn't just leave or blow me up, but if you are going to, please go ahead and do it now so I can either get back to work or stop worrying about it.”
I stared. The SILVERBACK GORILLA’S nose wasn’t anything special in the animal kingdom—nothing compared to the dog morphs we’d used to detect CONTROLLERS, for instance—but it was plenty capable of picking up the smell of TERRIFIED SWEAT, and THÀN SUOROS did not have any of it. He was every bit as calm, collected, and confident as he looked.
We’re not afraid because if we let ourselves get too scared we might not be able to do what needs to be done.
‹My name is Garrett,› I said, lowering the GRENADE. ‹Garrett Steinberg.›
THÀN’S eyes widened a little bit as he encountered thought-speak for the first time, and then his mouth broke open into a wide grin. “So there was one of you there at the crash site,” he said.
I blinked.
He turned, gesturing back toward the building. “Please,” he said. “Come inside. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
* * *
I looked at TOBIAS, whose jaw had dropped in open, naked shock. I looked at THÀN, who was smiling with the same faint smile he’d worn for most of the past four hours. I looked at OFFICER FARLOW, who had missed his rendezvous with OFFICER DELGADO so that he could connect THÀN with THE RESISTANCE.
Having heard it all already didn’t make it any less impressive.
“You’re tracking all of it?” TOBIAS asked.
“It’s not as hard as you might think,” THÀN said. “There's a lot of information there, but memory is pretty cheap these days. The hard part is separating the signal from the noise. That's gotten trickier with all the extra activity over the last few weeks, but there was enough data early on for me to train a big neural net, which is still doing pretty well at narrowing down the search space.”
The four of us were standing in the CONTROL ROOM, surrounded by displays and keyboards, the colors on the screens slowly dimming to orange as the sun set outside. TOBIAS and OFFICER FARLOW had arrived just a few minutes earlier, thanks to a phone call from THÀN and a few code words from me to signal that the COAST WAS CLEAR and I was NOT UNDER DURESS.
“Remember,” THÀN continued. “Up until two months ago, we had no idea what any of the anomalies coming from Serenity meant. They started out of the blue, they didn’t match anything in the history of the project, they had no correspondence with any known real-world phenomena—we just recorded everything, hoping that some day we’d be able to figure out whether it had been a hardware failure or a glitch in the software or some extragalactic event or what.”
Two months ago—when VISSER THREE shot down ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL. THÀN had been alone on shift as he was most nights and weekends, and had been the only one to notice when cameras doing a routine sweep of the night sky picked up a handful of flashes and reflected light from three small, fast-moving objects.
BUG FIGHTERS and DRACON BEAMS.
“That was the first time I had any kind of thread to pull on. I compared the recordings of the LEO light flashes with the Serenity data, and not only did they match, they gave me a point of reference that let me assign spatial coordinates to all of the previous events.”
Two hundred meters below us, buried in the rock of the mountainside, was a fifty-meter-wide, one-millimeter-thick lake of superfluid HELIUM-4, trapped between two wafers of PURE DIAMOND, suspended in a VACUUM by high-powered ELECTROMAGNETS, stabilized by enormous GYROSCOPES, and kept at exactly 2.172 KELVIN, which was negative 270.978 degrees CELSIUS or about half a degree colder than DEEP SPACE.
It was part of a quantum physics experiment that THÀN hadn’t really explained because it didn’t matter—what did matter was that, four months ago, cameras and sensors set up to detect the tiniest perturbations in the lake had begun to record disturbances that were entirely unlike anything that had been seen before.
“This cluster here,” THÀN said, gesturing at a sort of map-like graph on one of the giant screens. “That’s the night of the space battle. Those sort of hyperbolic curve things represent ships jumping into and out of Z-space, these jagged oscillations are beam weapon fire, and I think these tiny blips are communication signals, they’re too common and too low-energy to be anything else. Over here you can see the aftermath of the crash in Washington D.C. And here—this activity matches what Garrett said about them taking over a high school in Ventura.”
“What’s that?” Tobias asked, pointing to a kind of four-peaked wave drawn to one side of the graph, like a sound spike followed by three quieter echoes.
“I’m not sure what that is. It was the second thing we recorded after the pulse that—I think—marks the arrival of the mothership. Hasn’t happened again since—closest thing was this way smaller version just before the space battle.”
THÀN leaned back in his chair, swiveling past OFFICER FARLOW to look directly at TOBIAS. “Basically, my model is that every time matter—converts, I guess, is the right term—between normal matter and Z-space matter, it creates a burst of neutrino-like energy. A tiny, tiny wave that propagates through normal space at lightspeed, interacting with almost nothing. Except that, for some reason, those waves are being reflected somewhere around the orbit of Uranus—they’re bouncing back like they’re hitting some sort of sphere, and when the echoes disturb Serenity, we can use the rolling delay to pinpoint exactly where and when they originated.”
“Exactly?” asked TOBIAS, still sounding somewhat shell-shocked.
“Serenity’s responding with almost arbitrary sensitivity, down to the width of a helium atom. The limit is our ability to measure it. Right now, we can get readings that are accurate to within about a hundred meters or so as far out as Europa—there’s at least one ship out there—and timestamps down to as long as it takes to light to cover that distance.”
“Which is—”
“About three ten-millionths of a second,” I said. TOBIAS looked over at me as if he wasn’t even seeing me, but looking right through me at something else.
“In fact,” said THÀN, “we’re accurate enough that I’m pretty sure we’ve even been picking up emissions given off during morphing.”
“What?”
“See these plateaus right here? The spacing, the symmetry? Every one part of a pair? They’re getting harder and harder to pull out of the noise as more and more people are morphing, but like I said, the neural nets are doing a pretty good job at keeping up. This one—”
He pointed to a mess of overlapping jagged spikes, then pushed a few buttons on the keyboard, causing the line to shiver apart into eight different plateaus, one of which was blue.
“—that’s Garrett, demorphing right here in the lab three hours ago. I first noticed him when he demorphed upstairs, after sneaking in, and set off the proximity alarm I’d put in place in case Serenity ever picked up anything happening inside the fence.”
“It’s the mass,” I said, paraphrasing the theory that THÀN had come up with after the BROADCAST. “When you morph something smaller or bigger than you. It has to come from somewhere, and it would take a ridiculous amount of energy to just create it. It’s got to be being teleported in from Z-space.”
“From Z-space, or through Z-space?” asked OFFICER FARLOW.
“Who knows?” THÀN answered. “What’s more important is, if I’m right, we’ve got a record of every single morph that’s occurred within the bubble for the past four months. It’s getting noisy now, but if you compare it to what you guys were up to before you started recruiting—Garrett tells me there’s only one morph-capable Controller? The guy Esplin who showed up at the crash site?”
“Visser Three,” TOBIAS said, nodding. “In a throwaway puppet body.”
“So everything that’s not you is him. Like these signatures here, from a hundred and four days ago in Washington, or here from ninety-eight days ago in Beijing, or these ones from India, England, Germany, Brazil, Japan—”
“So that’s why you didn’t take this intel to the government?” TOBIAS asked. “To the military?”
“That was part of it,” THÀN said. “Remember, at first there was no reason to—it was just a bunch of weird numbers that nobody understood and no one else would even be able to corroborate, since Serenity’s the only one of its kind. But yeah—once I saw some literal UFOs and could show that they’d been visiting our capital a bunch over the previous six weeks or so, that kind of killed my enthusiasm for turning everything over to Uncle Sam.”
“So what have you been doing in the meantime?”
THÀN smiled his faint half smile. “Well, I’ll save the best part for last, but mainly—waiting for you. Trying to pull together a package that would be useful to anyone putting up a credible fight. For instance, there’s one ship that jumps around about a hundred times as often as any of the others, and it’s the only one that’s corresponded with a morph signature more than once or twice.”
“Visser Three.”
“Want to know where he is?”
TOBIAS and I exchanged a GLANCE that probably meant SOMETHING but I had no idea what. “Yes,” TOBIAS said.
“Mars.”
TOBIAS’S eyes narrowed.
“Right now it’s almost on the opposite side of the sun, about three hundred and fifty million klicks out. Pretty good fallback position, if you ask me—it’d take one of those SpaceX mega-shuttles years to make it that far, or a little under one year if you waited six months for it to get closer first. The first activity in that direction was maybe ten weeks ago, and ever since then there’s been a pretty steady back-and-forth, with a big surge about a week after the space battle.”
TOBIAS said nothing, just looked back at the screens for a long, long moment. Beside him, OFFICER FARLOW was silent, either because he didn’t care or because he’d heard it all before, I wasn’t sure which.
‹Garrett here,› I whispered, keeping my eyes on the screens. If SERENITY could detect Z-space communications, it wasn’t ridiculous to think that it might be able to pick up thought-speak, too. ‹What are you thinking? Over.›
TOBIAS didn’t answer, but he opened up his right hand a little, turning his palm toward me to show the scar that meant we were TRUE FRIENDS, the one that he didn’t have on his real body anymore but that was still sort of there thanks to the morphing technology.
“What about the other ships?” he asked.
“They’ve got fourteen in total, if I haven’t missed anything—twelve, now that we’ve got two of their fighters. Like I said, one of them’s out by Europa, and in addition to Visser Three’s ship there’s another one that’s pretty much always out by Mars. There are four of them holding in a tetrahedron around the Earth at any given time, way out in geosynch orbit. The big one’s behind the moon, with two others around it, and there are two that move in and out of LEO. Right now, one of them’s over California and the other’s in North Korean airspace.”
“Can we get a live feed from you?”
THÀN smiled again. “Yeah, that’s part of the package. I’ve got a tablet with a data plan that’s connected to the server here. It’ll be tricky during normal lab hours, when I’m usually not here and we can’t do anything that’ll draw attention, but I can at least give you a flag if anything makes an out-of-the-ordinary move, or comes close to the tablet’s current location. Nights and weekends, I should be able to respond with a lot more detail than that.”
“You’re staying?”
“Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I’ll take the morphing power, and any other help you want to give me. Bodyguards too, if you’ve got them to spare. But until there’s somebody else who can manage this system as well as I can, I think I can do more good right here than I can anywhere else.”
TOBIAS shot me another glance, and this time I understood it just fine—THÀN didn’t know it, but any ANIMORPH that acquired him could manage the system every bit as well as he could, thanks to having access to a perfect copy of his BRAIN STATE. And given that he’d done all of this on his own, and on his own initiative—
“There might be a way around that,” TOBIAS said carefully. “But before we talk about that—what else is in your care package?”
* * *
“I basically worked backwards from the LEO data,” THÀN said. “By analyzing the spectra of the beam weapon discharges, I was able to get a handle on some of their properties, which in turn gave me clues as to how they were produced. Combining that with the Serenity data—well, most of the theoretical work was already done by the aliens. We kind of lucked out, being able to detect it, but at that point, it was a lot more engineering and a lot less theoretical physics.”
In front of us was a fifteen yard long LOG, which twenty seconds earlier had been a twenty yard long TREE. It was resting in the middle of a pile of dust and ash and char and splinters that had similarly been BUSHES and SAPLINGS and the FOREST FLOOR.
“Anyway, the gist is, the beam weapons work by suspending a small chunk of matter in some kind of containment field and oscillating it in and out of Z-space a few thousand times per second. This starts a buildup of the same kind of energy Serenity is detecting, only magnified, amplified, and focused down to a tight beam by a set of mirrors and lenses.”
Flipping the large switch on the nozzle from red to black, THÀN turned awkwardly and clipped it onto the side of the bulky metal frame he was wearing before shrugging the whole thing off of his shoulder and letting it drop to the ground, kicking the connector hose out of the way to make sure it didn’t get caught underneath. Nodding to TOBIAS, he stepped back.
TOBIAS came forward and crouched, scrutinizing the whole assembly. It looked like a futuristic LEAF BLOWER, the kind you wear on your back like in that episode of SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS where he ruined SQUIDWARD’S yard.
“Two problems with that,” THÀN continued. “First, I didn’t have anywhere near the engineering and calibration capacity to build a high-quality focusing chamber, especially since I’m pretty sure it requires materials we can’t synthesize here on Earth. The best I could manage was a ninety-degree cone. And second, we don’t know anything about generating the kinds of fields necessary to hold matter stable during oscillation. I was able to figure out how to push stuff into and out of Z-space, thanks to Serenity, but only a few hydrogen molecules at a time, and after a few oscillations they just escape, usually with a lot of momentum.”
Shouldering the pack, TOBIAS turned toward the open forest, flipped the switch, and held up the nozzle.
“Just squeeze and keep squeezing,” THÀN said.
TOBIAS squeezed, and immediately the air seemed to ripple, the leaves and twigs flying away from him as if the nozzle were a giant fan. A wave of HEAT rolled back over us, like when you open up a hot OVEN. A few yards out, the bark on the nearest trees began to buckle and disintegrate, shivering into dust and blowing away along with everything else, exposing the wood underneath. Once half of the thickness of the trees had been eaten away, they began to crack and tilt and topple, and the four of us stepped out of the way as TOBIAS took his finger off the trigger.
“It’s useless past about thirty feet—the effect just attenuates too much—and it probably won’t do anything to Yeerk ships or shields, but it might be useful in the antipersonnel department, and since it’s just a much shittier version of the tech they already have, there’s probably not that much risk if they get their hands on one. I’ve got two more in the shed, with enough power for maybe forty-five minutes of continuous discharge, plus a set of detailed plans on a USB drive.”
TOBIAS was BOGGLING, like how sometimes in a cartoon a character’s EYES would pop out of their HEAD to show that they were VERY SURPRISED, and I think I understood how he felt. If we had had one of these during the MISSION TO DESTROY THE YEERK POOL, things would have gone very very differently.
“And you—you just—you just went out and made this?” TOBIAS spluttered.
“I don’t know about ‘just,’” THÀN said, with another one of those faint smiles. “The guns certainly took some effort, but they’re first generation makework, and I expect even we can obsolete them pretty quickly. Figuring out how to build a disruptor was mostly just a stepping stone in the much larger project of getting a handle on Z-space—how to access it, how to manipulate it, what’s possible within it. And that, I’ve barely scratched the surface on. It’s been maybe two hundred hours on top of my regular work, and I’ve pretty much wiped out the forty grand I had in savings buying parts and equipment, not to mention—let’s say borrowing—a whole bunch of company resources. When the suits catch on and go to fire me, I’m pretty much screwed unless I either loop them in on the progress so far or you guys show up to talk them out of it.”
TOBIAS said nothing, but his FACE asked the question for him.
THÀN shrugged again. “I mean, shit. There’s a covert alien invasion threatening to pull my species off the gameboard, for good. When else are you going to pull out all the stops?”
* * *
We banked, killing our forward momentum and spinning around the parking garage like a ball on a string, and then TOBIAS dove and I followed after him, screaming down toward the isolated little platform over the elevators where we’d left our sleeping bags that morning. We only had to sleep every four or five days thanks to the CONSTANT MORPHING, and we usually moved on to the next city before settling down to rest so we could START FRESH, but these were UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES to say the least.
THÀN and OFFICER FARLOW had agreed to meet with us again in the morning, once THÀN finished his shift. He’d said he was going to spend the rest of the night doing a final pass—backing up the SERENITY data, double-checking his encryption and outside access protocols, and tuning the PROTON PACKS, which apparently was a JOKE NAME for the disruptors based on a movie I hadn’t seen called GHOSTBUSTERS. TOBIAS had already done a morph check of OFFICER FARLOW and believed that the police officer could handle replacing THÀN at ATLAS LABS—and more importantly, OFFICER FARLOW was willing to do it and THÀN trusted him—and at some point before the meeting TOBIAS would morph into THÀN as well, just to be absolutely sure.
But for now, there was nothing to do but rest. We could maybe have spent the evening looking for another group to convert, like at a HOSPITAL or somewhere, where there were good and responsible people awake even after midnight, but we had already done two groups in this city and we had a RULE that two was the ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM. It’s important to follow RULES like that even when you have what seems like a really good reason to break them because when you made the RULE you had PERSPECTIVE and you were able to think things through and see all the MOVING PARTS, whereas in the moment it’s easy to fall prey to things like HYPERBOLIC DISCOUNTING, which is where you put a lot less weight on the distant costs than on the stuff that’s happening right in front of your FACE even if the distant costs are way BIGGER. So wanting to break a RULE is a sign that you need to think about updating the RULE later and maybe being more careful about building FLEXIBILITY into your plans but it’s usually not a sign that you should just GO OFF HALF-COCKED and besides if it’s really truly an UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCE you can just note that the RULE doesn’t apply rather than breaking it.
The tiny rooftop was maybe eight feet by fifteen feet and was higher than the rest of the parking garage, which was taller than any of the nearby buildings, so we wouldn’t be seen by anyone above us looking down. It also was ringed by a two foot high brick façade to TRICK people into thinking that the elevator structure was taller than it really was, meaning that as long as we stayed flat we wouldn’t be seen by anyone down below, either. We demorphed in silence, and then unrolled the sleeping bags and zipped them together. I did most of the work, since TOBIAS still only had one hand.
“You could get your hand back, you know,” I said, as we settled into the warm pocket and I leaned my head against TOBIAS’S shoulder. I think that normally that kind of suggestion would be considered KIND OF PUSHY but TOBIAS and I had a NO BULLSHIT POLICY which included if you were thinking something really IMPORTANT you didn’t ever not tell the other person just because of FEELINGS. I had actually thought about the hand thing several times but there hadn’t been a good time to bring it up because we were on a TIGHT SCHEDULE and doing it would mean taking at least a day out to go back to the CHEE. But now it looked like we were going to pause the whole recruitment thing anyway and get back to the rest of the team on the other side of the country and it would take a lot longer once the CHEE SANCTUARY was three thousand miles away instead of just a few hundred so now was the time to mention it.
TOBIAS was quiet for a long moment, and then he let out a little breath and said “Yeah” in a very soft voice that kind of sounded like maybe it was supposed to be SAD and maybe I was supposed to ASK.
So I said “What’s wrong?”
He was quiet for another ten seconds or so, and then he said “I guess—I dunno. I guess it’s—it feels like dying.”
It took me a second to connect the dots but then I understood what he was trying to say, because the last time TOBIAS had acquired himself had been way back in the beginning and if he stayed past the TIME LIMIT then he would lose all kinds of memories from the past month or so. I didn’t say anything in response, just reached over and pulled his hand around me and touched my palm to his palm and focused.
He definitely felt the ACQUIRING TRANCE come over him, because he gave me a little squeeze afterward, but he still didn’t say anything, just lay there and held onto me while I morphed up into him. I made sure to focus on a version of him that had BOTH HANDS, hoping that fixing an injury like that was a LOCAL CHANGE and wouldn’t affect things like the MEMORY CENTERS of his BRAIN, which turned out to be TRUE.
I told him I was finished and waited for the ACQUIRING TRANCE to come over me, but after a whole minute it hadn’t happened, so I twisted a little bit to look up at him and raised an EYEBROW, which was not a thing I could do in my own body but TOBIAS’S body knew how to do it.
TOBIAS took a deep breath, and looked down at me, and shook his head a tiny bit. “It’s not just that,” he said quietly. “It’s the whole thing. Dying, I mean. Like—someone will get a hand back, but not me. I’ll be gone.”
He reached over and grabbed my right hand, twisting it so that the palm faced both of us. It was normal and healthy, with NO SCAR.
“Like, yeah, I get it—it’ll just be Tobias. Exact same. Jake’s the exact same—he’s really Jake, all the way. But—”
He faltered. “But Jake still died, you know? Jake is Jake, he’s a real Jake, but he’s not the real Jake. Those atoms, they’re different atoms. They’re in the same shape, the same pattern, but it’s not the same body. The r—the original Jake, he’s gone. Vanished. Disappeared into Z-space.”
I scrunched up my FACE MUSCLES. I couldn’t quite get the thing that TOBIAS was saying, but it didn’t seem like he was going to ACQUIRE me any time soon, so I started to demorph.
“Maybe it really doesn’t matter,” he said, squeezing me a little closer as I shrank. “I mean, it’s not like souls are a thing. I get that a copy of you really is you. But—isn’t it also really a copy? Especially if you have to die to make it.”
I thought hard for a minute. “Maybe,” I said, putting together the thought one word at a time. “Maybe you are mixing up you and your brain?”
I mean, what about when you’re morphed into a mosquito, and your real body is in STASIS, and all of your thoughts are actually running on ANDALITE EMULATOR TECHNOLOGY? I wanted to say. What’s the difference between shifting your thoughts from a MEAT COMPUTER to a Z-SPACE COMPUTER, and shifting your thoughts from one MEAT COMPUTER to another?
But I didn’t say it, because I didn’t think of those words until later, I just had this feeling of I think you’re confused and it wouldn’t have been POLITE or HELPFUL or GOOD to just say that.
“Maybe,” TOBIAS said again, even quieter this time. “But that—I don’t know. That kind of makes it sound like what happened to Jake doesn’t matter at all. Like we could just do it all the time.”
“We sort of do,” I pointed out. “I mean, when we morph someone and look inside their head—”
“Isn’t that different, though? I mean, that’s making a copy for a reason and then unmaking it, not—not replacing the original.”
But what if the original is WORSE, I wanted-to-say-but-couldn’t-find-words-for. What if it’s missing a HAND and it could get its hand BACK if it just—just—just—
“I mean,” TOBIAS said, now so quiet that it was hard to hear him even though our heads were right next to each other. “If it’s really just about the way you think—your goals, your reactions, stuff like that—why wouldn’t you just make a hundred copies of yourself?”
I didn’t answer, because I could hear from the way he was talking that TOBIAS was CONFUSED and SAD and INWARD-LOOKING and maybe a little bit SCARED, too. But that actually sounded pretty GOOD to me—if there were a hundred GARRETTS then I could do a lot more things and if there were a hundred TOBIASES then I wouldn’t have to get scared every time we got SEPARATED that maybe he was going to DIE and then I would never see him again.
But I knew he didn’t want to hear that because it would make him feel UNSPECIAL and like I didn’t really care about him, even though that WASN’T IT AT ALL.
He sighed, and squeezed me tighter, his nose pushing up against my hair. “Anyway,” he said, “there’s no time. We’ve got to get Thàn and his stuff back to the others as soon as possible. Knowing where the Yeerks are—where Visser Three is—that could be the break we’ve been waiting for. The edge we need.”
“Did you call them yet?” I asked.
“No. The time diff—aw, shit.”
“What?”
“I had the numbers backwards in my head. I was thinking it was three in the morning there, but it’s only nine PM. Hang on—”
He let go of me with his one hand, rolling away from me so that he could dig into his pocket for his BURNER PHONE. Dialing with one hand, he held it up to his ear.
“Jake,” he said, and then—
I couldn’t hear what JAKE was saying, but TOBIAS went rigid, his muscles suddenly tight where I was leaning against them. “What?” TOBIAS said, and then “What?” and then “When?” and then “Jesus fuck.”
I wanted very much to ask what was going on, but it’s EXTREMELY RUDE not to mention INEFFICIENT to interrupt a phone call like that when you can just wait a few more seconds and they’ll tell you everything not in little pieces while wasting the other person’s time. But it sounded like maybe VERY BAD THINGS were happening, and I wondered if anyone was DEAD.
“Uh huh,” TOBIAS was saying. “Yeah—no, we can’t make it back tonight, but—no, look, there’s news on our end, too—”
And then he described the situation with THÀN in a couple of very short sentences, and then he promised we would get back as soon as possible, and then he hung up.
“What’s going on?” I asked, twisting so that I could see TOBIAS’S face in the dim light. It was all tight and twitchy and his EYES were darting all over the place and very WIDE and I felt a little tingle of FEAR on the back of my neck.
“They made contact with the Andalites,” he said, “and with the Yeerks—”
* * *
I didn’t like LYING and if I could help it, I wasn’t going to do it—because probably they wouldn’t ask, if they send you on a MISSION and then you come back they’ll usually just ask something like how’d it go, not did you do the thing, and you can just say fine and then that’s that.
But that’s still LYING BY OMISSION and I didn’t feel great about it, but TOBIAS had said that we were about to MAJORLY GEAR UP and that things were going to be even more DANGEROUS than usual because we didn’t have time to DOT ALL THE I’S AND CROSS ALL THE T’S, and so I was supposed to take the ISCAFIL DEVICE and give it back to the CHEE because it didn’t make sense to keep recruiting people if the whole world was about to BLOW UP and also it didn’t make sense to carry the ISCAFIL DEVICE with us if we weren’t going to be using it and also maybe there were some situations where we’d wish we had it with us but it wasn’t worth the RISK overall but we definitely wanted to be able to get it back and use it later if we managed to stop the ASTEROID.
And then I don’t really know what my BRAIN was thinking but sometimes your BRAIN puts together lots of little clues and hints and comes up with CONCLUSIONS that you can’t really justify but a lot of the time they’re WORTH LISTENING TO.
And none of this was the REAL REASON, but it was all stuff I came up with after the fact that SOUNDED GOOD:
We’d never really been sure that we could trust the CHEE and it was even worse now that VISSER THREE was trying to ENTICE them by doing nice things for DOGS.
We’d looked inside THÀN SUOROS and DAVID POZNANSKI and SERGEANT NICKERSON but we didn’t really know for SURE that we could trust them, we hadn’t seen them in ACTION and maybe a morph check wasn’t enough.
And if things were going to get DANGEROUS then some of us might get CAPTURED or TORTURED and the thing THÀN had said about the PROTON PACK TECHNOLOGY not being very risky because the YEERKS already had it made me think about what kinds of technology the YEERKS didn’t have and might want very much and it seemed like since people had been talking about our recruitment strategy on the INTERNET that maybe the YEERKS knew we had an ISCAFIL DEVICE and how if I was VISSER THREE I might think that out of all the ISCAFIL DEVICES in the galaxy this one was probably not only the closest but also the easiest one to STEAL and it would be a lot easier if all he had to do was capture one ANIMORPH to find out where it was, especially if we left it with the CHEE and he told them to give it to them or he was going to hurt some DOGS.
And so I decided that I was not going to take it to the CHEE, and I was also not going to tell the rest of the ANIMORPHS what I had done with it, except that I would maybe give them some CLUES in case something happened to me because I wasn’t STUPID, I didn’t want them to lose it forever if I caught a random DRACON BEAM or something. And I guess if they found out and tried to argue with me, I would try to explain to them those REASONS I had thought of and any other ones I could come up with, but in fact it wasn’t because of those REASONS, not really.
I just had a FEELING, and I hoped TOBIAS wouldn’t be MAD AT ME.
Chapter 38: Chapter 29: Esplin
Summary:
Wahoo! Nominally, this marks the end of another "book," but as you might guess we're going to flow right back into things, probably starting with a Tobias chapter.
Note that I am desperately, shamelessly eager for your comments, reviews, and other feedback—your thoughts and reactions keep me going, and I'm deeply appreciative of the people who respond chapter in, chapter out. If you've enjoyed this story so far, please take the time to let me know; if you think it could be better, please give me a few words to tell me how. (And of course, if you think other people might enjoy it, point them toward it!)
As a final note, I didn't hear back from any interested artists re: making covers for the book, so I'll probably start looking elsewhere soon. If you or one of your friends might be interested in exchanging artwork for money, please let me know! I'm not rich, but I'm willing to pay talent what talent deserves.
Chapter Text
Chapter 29: Esplin 9466
—January—
‹—your incompetence, or your treachery, you vowed before this very Council that the humans have no technology substantially more sophisticated than nuclear weapons and chemical rockets—›
“They don’t,” the alien woman said flatly, her face holes twisting obscenely as she stared at me through the hologram with her two stalkless eyes. “What exactly are you claiming they’ve done?”
‹They are manipulating spacetime!› I shouted. ‹They have triggered a cataclysmic rearrangement of the Z-space landscape—my fleet is scattered, isolated—we have lost contact with the vanguard—the distance to our destination has increased sixty-five-fold! We are caught like insects in amber!›
I was raging, I knew—could see from the outside that I was out of control, saying too much, not thinking strategically. Half of the Council was unnerved, the image of their faces betraying anxious uncertainty, while the other half watched with cool detachment as I came unhinged.
But I could not help it, did not want to be in control, was in the grips of an indignant, incandescent fury at this—this—
‹—this worm,› Alloran provided, and for once his own outrage was not a pose, not a gambit—for he, too, had suffered and lost at the hands of short-sighted imbeciles, of politicians who would jeopardize everything for the sake of their own relative status—who would tear at the foundation of society itself if it would elevate them for the briefest of moments, it was pointless self-destruction and together we seethed at the idiocy of every grasping simpleton who would rather rule over piles of tumbling ash than ride a rising tide credited to another—
“What makes you so certain that this is a human intervention?” the woman asked, with infuriating obtuseness.
‹The event was defensive!› I shot back, as Alloran muttered Andalite curses in the back of my mind. ‹Triggered by our arrival into the system! The very instant that the vanguard penetrated the heliosheath—›
“That means nothing. Coincidences happen.”
I felt my vision darken and constrict as my apoplexy mounted. This worm—she knew the fundamental rules of probability, the interaction between prior and posterior—she knew and she was hoisting a mask of ignorance to play to the crowd—
But I could not find the words to shatter that mask, could not force her to admit what she already knew—
“And even if it is an artificial event, more likely by far that it is an Andalite trap—”
‹Andalites do not have the technological capacity to—›
“Neither do humans,” she snapped, interrupting. “A fact that I can substantiate through the sharing, whereas we have only your word regarding the Andalites, Esplin.”
I fell silent, fuming, struggling to bring my emotions under control even as Alloran continued to stoke the flames beneath the surface.
She knew, the war-prince whispered. She knew, and she told no one, and now you are trapped. Finished, irrelevant, caught in slowtime beyond all reach. By the time you crawl your way out she will have consolidated her control over the Council—
I slammed him down into unconsciousness, cutting off every nerve, every avenue—buried him so deep within the blackness that I could no longer feel his presence.
‹Andalites,› I said carefully, each word burning like Dracon fire, ‹do not have this capacity. We would know if they did—they would have used it against us—on Gara, on Leera—would have used it to defend their own homeworld for certain—›
“Perhaps it is new, and they chose to test it where disaster would not threaten their own interests.”
It does not MATTER if you can construct a plausible-sounding STORY, what matters is the LIKELIHOOD of a given chain of events, taking complexity into account—
I said nothing. This battle could not be fought with reason or logic, was not an engagement where correctness conferred any advantage at all. She had cut me off simply to show that she could, flaunting her rank, signaling disdain—
—and as my stalks traced across the simulated faces of the Council, I could see that it was working. That her brinksmanship, her blatant social jockeying, had impressed them, that in her eyes she was winning.
Even as she sets fire to everything you have built, and feeds your dreams into the flames!
It was my own thought, not Alloran’s, but if anything that made it even harder to ignore. I knew the game she was playing, knew that my position was compromised—knew that she was hoping I would succumb to my anger, would fail with abandon, embarrass myself as I had after the failure at Gara, when I had let Alloran’s whispers goad me—
I breathed deeply, seeking peace. If this was a betrayal, it would be unwise to continue blindly playing the part that had been handed to me. And if it was not, then it was all the more important that I regain sympathy in the eyes of the Council, that I not burn what influence I still retained—
‹My apologies, Visser One,› I said smoothly, suppressing the part of me that had no knowledge of patience. ‹This is a stressful moment, and I fear my host’s responses colored my own immediate reaction.›
“There is a known remedy for that,” she sneered, and I clamped down on the urge to retaliate, the instinctive sense that a cheap shot deserved a symmetric answer—
‹As you say, Visser,› I answered, leaving the silence for her to fill.
“What are the tactical details of the situation?”
With half of my attention, I described what we’d learned of the rift, and what orders I had given the rest of my fleet. With the other half, I began to form contingency plans—what to do if the Z-space landscape continued to shift, how to respond to a hostile, aware, and technically sophisticated Earth, and what to do about my various rendezvous with the Naharans, the Arn, the Taxxons, and the Gedds, all of which would now be impossible to make.
‹—have ordered them to regroup, so that they may emerge in strength—all except the nearest, which will clear the boundary perhaps thirteen cycles sooner than the rest.›
“If this is an Andalite countermeasure,” said Visser One, “we must learn how it works.”
Useless proclamations, puerile posturing—as if there’s any way for her authority to make a difference, as if you wouldn’t have already done that in the first place—
(Alloran was emerging; it was rarely worth the sustained effort it took to keep him suppressed for very long—)
‹As you command, Visser,› I said. Quiet, calm, and obedient.
(Of course, if it was an Andalite countermeasure, then I suspected I already knew the source—had seen the glimmer in the sensors, so fleeting and faint and yet so familiar, a ghost upon the haunt. I would wager the smallest finger of my right hand that it was him—that he was here, trapped in the slowness with us—its author, perhaps—that for once, there would be no quick and easy escape for either of us.)
((Unless he could reverse the effect as easily as he had created it, or carve out a tunnel for himself that no other could navigate.))
(((Although if he had control that fine, we would almost certainly already be dead.)))
(I said nothing aloud, of course.)
“Are there any other signs of notable activity?”
‹No, Visser.›
“Very well. For the time being, we will treat your primary fleet as out-of-commission. I will divide command of your reserves between Vissers Two, Four, and Five—”
I held my head still, giving no sign that I felt the severity of the blow even as Alloran raised his voice in mockery—
“—and I will assume strategic command over the siege of the Andalite homeworld myself.”
I had only a fraction of an instant in which to compose a response, but I made the most of it—weighing up all of my options, balancing them against Visser One’s clear ambition, the strength of the Andalite military, my own already-weakened position—
‹With respect, Visser, I would appreciate being kept up-to-date and allowed to serve in an advisory capacity—›
“Hardly necessary. We have the situation well in hand, and your hands seem to be full enough as it is.”
There was a soft susurration as the Council gawked at my debasement, even those who had been my allies turning their heads, their mirth barely suppressed. Fools, I whispered, where only Alloran could hear. Short-sighted fools, malleable puppets—
‹Separately, perhaps,› I continued, ‹you would be willing to advise me, on matters of human society and governance, as I investigate the source of—›
“For the last time, this is not a human technology!”
‹Apologies, Visser.›
Again, I gave no outward sign, but amid my anger and confusion I allowed myself a single note of satisfaction, even as Alloran’s sense twisted with disdain.
‹When do you think she will realize?› I asked the war-prince—privately, the satisfaction turning to smugness as it leaked through the boundary between us.
‹She is no fool,› he answered back. ‹When things go awry in the skies above my home, she will know exactly who to blame.›
‹Ah, but the Council just saw her freeze me out,› I said. ‹I fear her shame will be hers to bear, and hers alone.› With half of my attention, I continued the conversation with the Visser, exchanging empty sentences, acknowledging orders she could neither evaluate nor enforce.
‹You laugh lightly, for one whose own plans are in shambles,› Alloran said.
‹No plan long survives contact with the enemy,› I quoted, relishing as always the war-prince’s seething resentment as I reflected his wisdom back at him. ‹Besides, it is not as if I came unprepared.›
I had lost contact with Aftran and Telor, and the remainder of my fleet would not emerge for quite some time. But the hold of my own ship was packed to the brim with resources—from my stolen Andalite ansible, which would allow me to stay in contact with Quatazhinnikon even in the event of a total Z-space blackout, to my four frozen Leerans; from my compact Naharan manufactory to my portable Arn incubator. I had weapons, plagues, clones, prototypes, Controllers from nine different species—an entire arsenal of tricks and traps.
‹It might even be fun,› I remarked. ‹How long has it been since either of us crossed tails with a competent opponent?›
‹You do not have a tail, worm,› Alloran shot back, and I laughed as I lashed his back and forth for good measure.
Now that I was calmer, it seemed less likely that Visser One was lying outright, and had sent me forth into a trap. But if that was the case, and the Earth possessed hitherto-unknown capacities exceeding even Andalite technological sophistication—
Well. A harder fruit to pluck, for certain, but all the sweeter once crushed beneath my hoof. To be sure, there were some branches of possibility in which I emerged from the rift into immediate death or capture, but in all of the other branches—
‹You ignore a significant swath of possibility,› Alloran said, his tone hard as if lecturing a batch of new cadets.
I scanned his thoughts and found myself incredulous. ‹Significant?› I scoffed. ‹You abuse the term.›
Alloran did not budge.
‹Surely you jest. If it is not the humans, it is Elfangor, back to meddle once more.›
‹And who do you think directs his meddling?›
‹His meddling is self-directed,› I growled. ‹I will admit that this rift implies technology beyond anything we have yet encountered, but there is no need to stretch to gods and fairy tales to explain it.›
‹But surely the possibility is worth consideration?› Alloran whispered slyly. ‹You have just seen the fabric of the cosmos rearranged, as if by the finger of a god. I think perhaps you have recovered your composure a little too quickly. This is not an observation compatible with any of your previous models of reality.›
I was silent and still for a moment. That was a point I could not easily refute—there was a chance that I had failed to be properly impacted, that I was sliding inappropriately into complacency, allowing false confidence to drown out the quiet notes of doubt and confusion.
But the game I played with Alloran was subtle and deep, and even as I stared straight into his mind, I could not be sure I had caught his true motive, which he had learned to hide sometimes even from himself. It could be that he sought to distract me by focusing my attention on a ludicrous Andalite fable. Or it could be that he sought to dissuade me from attending to the possibility, by making it seem childish and naïve. Peeling back the layers of his thoughts, I found only a blank and innocent ambivalence, devoid of useful hints.
As always, the sensible choice would be to shield myself from his whispers entirely, to lock him up where he could not tug upon my strings.
But that—
That—
It would be entirely too lonely.
‹A fair point,› I said finally, my tone light and noncommittal. ‹Yet if it is your Ellimist, it has given me an entire system to play in, with freedom from interference from both of our peoples. So in that case, whose interests are truly being served?›
To that, Alloran said nothing, and we continued our slow crawl through the emptiness in silence.
* * *
—February—
Visser One was either a fool, or a far better friend than she seemed.
‹Always a winnowing,› Alloran whispered. ‹Always a rounding off. Never respect for the third way, for the shadow between light and darkness.›
I ignored him. Thirty-nine local cycles had passed since I had emerged from the rift and begun my investigations. And what I had found—
I had despaired, when the rift had first appeared, cutting off half of my schemes at the knee—had ranted and railed before Visser One and the Council, imagining myself exiled, marooned, isolated from the living pulse of the war and left to rot, impotent, in an empty corner of space. In the immediate aftermath of the catastrophe, I had focused only on the knowns—on the fact that it would be a revolution at least before I could re-emerge from the bubble, and longer if I complied with my orders—for Aftran had foolishly deployed as originally instructed, and the invasion would require far more effort to protect and cultivate.
But my despair had been naïve, premature. Could not—in the end—have been more wrong. The Earth, as it turned out, was the key to everything—a windfall all unexpected, a veritable treasure, with an industrial economy capable of greater output than all of the worlds in the Andalite expanse combined. Visser One had spoken at length of its seven billion potential hosts, but she had said nothing of the greater bounty, an entire world of mines, manufactories, and machines.
How could she not have known? I whispered to myself.
But the explanation was obvious, did not even require Alloran’s cutting cynicism to locate. She had known—had had access to all of the pieces, been able to see all of the relevant factors. She simply had not added them up, had not bothered to notice that this and that and that could combine to form a whole far greater than its parts. Had been blinded, perhaps, by the fact that the human technologies were lesser, and so failed to appreciate the importance of quantity. A human F-35 was no match for an Andalite starfighter, let alone a Dome ship. But there were over two hundred of them, and countless thousands of lesser aircraft.
I would not have to wait two revolutions, or even one. I would not have to return to Leera, or to the homeworld of the Arn. I did not even need the cooperation of the Council, though I would maintain it anyway as a shield against circumstance—the protective barrier of the Z-space rift was not guaranteed, and might disappear or change as suddenly as it had arrived.
‹An event which you still do not understand.›
True, but I was at least confident that it had not been effected by the humans, nor had any other protective force raised its hand in the intervening thirty-nine cycles, as Aftran settled into its new home and I carried out my investigations.
‹If anything,› I shot back, ‹that lack of understanding has aided me, since an obvious explanation would have satisfied my curiosity, and I would not have dug so deep so quickly.›
It had only taken a cycle to determine that I would have to look farther afield than the major government-run militaries and scientific assemblies. The humans were astonishingly fragmented, with a chaotic, dizzying array of overlapping societies and hierarchies that were constantly shifting in influence and allegiance. The sum total of every clique, club, group, and organization on the planet might easily exceed seven billion, and the range of sophistication was staggering, with some humans living lives of Gedd-like simplicity while others oversaw massive swathes of property, territory, and technology. Given the sheer diversity of intelligence and agency, it was entirely plausible that some small group had developed technology that the rest did not even suspect.
So I had dived into the problem, following the obvious threads, investigating the Freemasons and the Illuminati, the Yalean Skull-and-Bones and the Knights-Templar, the Bilderbergs, the Opus Dei, the Bayesian Conspiracy, the Ku Klux Klan, the Komited Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti, the B’nai B’rith. It had not been easy, gathering trustworthy information on each of them, and for most I had barely scratched the surface—
(It would have been simple enough, were I free to approach under Leeran hypersight, or to acquire certain individuals directly and then search through their memories. But I could not go leaving a trail of bodies in my wake, especially not with Aftran so recently planted, and with targets potentially powerful beyond measure. The most I dared do was to seize vagrants off of the street, and send them—together with a Leeran—into proximity with the most likely targets, after which I absorbed the vagrants’ memories and terminated them. It was a gamble, but as I came to know the humans better, I learned that few of them would dare admit to the experience of hypersight, lest their peers think them insane, and remove them from positions of authority.)
—and thus far, the search had been fruitless. Almost none of the conspiracies even had the power they were rumored to have, and of the handful that did wield significant control, none had access to technology on interplanetary scales. I marked several of their leaders for later infestation, and moved on.
As for the more official human leadership—
I had done cursory investigation into the most obvious societies, including those that had created and were now operating the Chinese Spectral Radio Heliograph, the James Webb orbital telescope, the Large Hadron Collider, the IceCube Antarctic Neutrino Observatory, the National Ignition Facility in California, the LFEX in Japan, the Serenity complex, the giant electromagnet in the Los Alamos National Laboratory, the Chinese supercomputer Tianhe-2, and the robots of Boston Dynamics, as well as DARPA, CERN, Berkeley Laboratory, Bell Laboratories, and the facilities at Google, NASA, Boeing, and Area 51. I had at first been astonished by the lack of security—by the vast quantities of information readily available on each of these sites via the human internet. Never before had I encountered such arrogant disregard for caution, such open bravado—
But that only accelerated the process, allowing me to quickly prioritize my investigations. And after the seven most promising yielded nothing—
(Or at least, nothing relevant to the Z-space rift; they contained much that was of interest to my larger strategy.)
—I abandoned the search. It was still barely conceivable that there was some highly effective and utterly hidden group of human scientists that had leapt ahead of the rest of their species, but the lack of any evidence—combined with the inability of our scanners to pick up any relevant activity—was conclusive enough for me to turn my attention to other matters.
‹Your carelessness is incredible,› Alloran said scornfully. ‹Literally incredible, in that I cannot conceive of a universe in which it is justified. You have ruled out the humans as the obvious cause, and this reduces your curiosity?›
‹The rift is stable,› I countered. ‹It has not changed since its creation, and it has not responded to either my direct probes nor to any of my actions within the system.›
I smiled inwardly, relishing the moment of anticipation, Alloran’s pre-emptive flinch as I readied my barb—
‹Defensive preparation is not without cost,› I quoted. ‹That which may destroy you at any time may destroy you at any time. Prepare for the enemy you can vanquish, and develop a reasonable robustness, but do not concern yourself with the anger of the gods.›
As always when I spat his own wisdom back at him, Alloran said nothing, only radiated a mixture of skepticism and resentment.
It was true that I was taking a risk—if the rift was meant for a purpose, that purpose remained to be seen, and if there was a malevolent force at work within the system, I had not yet uncovered it and was not yet defended against it.
But at the same time, there was work to be done, and thus far, events were largely unfolding according to design. There had been hiccups, but nothing that indicated systematic disruption or undeniable enemy action.
There was an aphorism I had picked up while moving among the humans. It made little sense in Yeerk or Andalite culture, yet nevertheless I had been amused by its succinctness, and the obvious practicality of its message.
‹Good fortune is like a cup with a hole in its bottom,› I said. ‹One may still drink from its lip, but it is the wise man who drinks quickly.›
And with that, I thrust the war-prince back beneath the surface, and turned my ship toward the distant, dust-red planet.
* * *
—March—
‹Well, well,› I said, stepping out from underneath my fighter and straightening to tree-stretch as the Hork-Bajir commandos fanned out around the empty construction site. ‹Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, if I am not mistaken. The Beast, the Vanarx, the blade that falls without warning. It is an honor to stand before you.›
On the ground before me, the young war-prince tilted his head in acknowledgement, the gash in his side oozing thick, dark blood. ‹War-Father,› he said softly. ‹It is good to see you again, even—like this. Your wisdom has been sorely missed. I hope the path I have chosen has met with your approval.›
In the back of my mind, Alloran was a black pit of despair, his voice an endless wordless clamoring as he fought to reach the surface—to hold me back, to defend his protégé, to offer even the slightest comfort or encouragement to Elfangor as the young warrior’s doom drew inexorably closer.
‹And you,› the young war-prince continued, with a different inflection. ‹Esplin nine-four-six-six, of the Cirran pool, third Visser of the Yeerk armada. We have met before, as it happens, in the skies above Leera.›
‹Ah,› I said, as I raised a hand and signaled two of the commandos to enter and search the ruined ship. ‹So it was you who brought me down when the blockade broke. An admirable gambit, that.›
Let me speak to him, Alloran begged, his thoughts muffled beneath the blanket of my control but legible nonetheless. If you have any shred of mercy or decency within you, Esplin—if any speck of you be fair—you will let me speak to him before he dies—
‹Only a small token of repayment,› Elfangor replied, his thoughts labored and slow, as if he were marshaling his strength between silent gasps of pain. ‹I owed you for a lesson hard-learned in the battle over Taxxon.›
I felt a ripple of curiosity as Alloran continued to howl. ‹Oh?› I asked. I had not been at that particular engagement—
‹Yes. You were not there, but—the deceptive slash—the missiles, hidden by the fighters’ drive emissions—that was your tactic, I assumed.›
‹Ah, yes, the Iblis maneuver. A fine tactic. It brought down your fighter?›
‹No. My wingmate, Arbron-Djabala-Oniba.›
‹Did she survive?›
‹No. She lived long enough to make it to the surface, but then—›
The war-prince broke off. ‹She did not die well.›
Not well, indeed—the Taxxons were endlessly, insatiably hungry. It would have taken a flood of them to bring down an Andalite warrior, but every corpse would only attract more—
‹Like the Yeerks you murdered in the deep,› I answered evenly, allowing just the tiniest edge of anger to creep into my voice. ‹No fewer than thirty-seven ships missing in the past revolution alone, including two pool ships. How many of those were your handiwork?›
‹Twenty-eight fighters and one of the pool ships,› Elfangor said softly, as Alloran thrummed with a strange mix of pride and desperation. ‹I stayed behind to count the bodies. Every time. One hundred and sixteen Gedds. Ninety-four Ongachic. Eleven Garatrons. Seven Skrit Na. Fifty-four Naharans. Two hundred and eight Taxxons. Three thousand five hundred and sixty-three Hork-Bajir. One Leeran. Five I did not recognize, from at least two different species. And nine others too burned to identify. Four thousand and sixty-one souls liberated from the clutches of slavery.›
‹And how many Yeerks?› I asked, with a hint of a snarl. ‹Did you bother to estimate? How many of my siblings do you think you sent into the darkness?›
‹None,› the war-prince whispered. ‹You have no siblings, Esplin. There are none like you.›
I felt my thoughts stumble at the unexpected answer, noted the hint of confusion and marked it for later consideration. ‹Interesting,› I said, shoving Alloran still deeper, muting his pleas to a distant, meaningless buzz. ‹That is not a thing that many know.›
‹A question, if you will, before I die,› Elfangor said, his chest heaving. I gave an assenting gesture, and he continued. ‹What do you want with these humans?›
I blinked, my stalk eyes pausing in their constant scan.
‹You have your Taxxon allies. You have your Hork-Bajir slaves. You have your Leerans and your Garatrons and your Naharans, your victims from a double handful of worlds. Why these people—these, who pose no threat to you?›
‹Because they pose no threat,› I answered promptly. ‹Because they are so many, and so weak. Billions of them! We will have to build a thousand new pools just to raise enough Yeerks for half of them. They are the wave we will ride across the galaxy—›
‹No,› whispered Elfangor, and from the change in his tone I could tell that he was now speaking to me, and to me alone. ‹Not propaganda, Esplin nine-four-six-six. Not what you tell the others. Not what your Council thinks, what your subordinates think. The truth.›
I tilted my head, considering.
‹To spawn a thousand more pools,› Elfangor continued, his body twitching as a new surge of blood poured forth. ‹To extend the conflict further and further, to wash across the myriad worlds—it is no longer about survival, no longer about escape. You create scarcity where there could be fulfillment, violence where there could be peace. If every Yeerk were embodied this day, the rest of your people would be satisfied, would let go of their hunger. They do not know it, but it is true—they are driven by a desire for fulfillment that is finite. But you—›
He paused, and pressed a hand against his wound, the fingers black and shining in the starlight. ‹You are insatiable. You alone will fight until there is no one left unconquered. There has to be a reason, doesn’t there? Surely you have that much in common with your host.›
Tell him, Alloran shouted, cutting through the layers of insulation with a convulsive effort.
‹Please?› Elfangor asked. ‹I am dying, and can cause you no further harm. I wish only to know. I will stand, only to bow, if flattery is your price.›
TELL HIM, Alloran bellowed.
Beyond the war-prince, the pair of Hork-Bajir emerged from the broken ship, their hands flashing in the signal for nothing to report.
Tell him, Alloran whispered, his strength spent.
I looked down at Elfangor, the least unworthy of my opponents, the last and best of my symbiote’s students. I looked at the gash in his side—the tiniest disruption in the fragile order of his body, and yet a harbinger of doom.
Please.
‹Your teacher begs me to answer your question,› I said softly, the thoughts like ice as they formed, as they slid from my mind to his. ‹He begs, and pleads, as you beg and plead. As your family will beg, when my forces land on your homeworld—as the Council will beg, when I overthrow their dominion. So much want, so much desire, so much will—and yet, in the end, it all amounts to nothing. You have no levers upon eternity, none of you—if I grant your plea, you will die nonetheless. If I deny Alloran his wish, it will make no difference to his ultimate fate.›
‹So it is simple nihilism, then?› Elfangor asked. ‹Nothing matters, and therefore nothing matters?›
‹No,› I snapped, the edge of anger reappearing. ‹It is you who fight for nihilism, you and all the rest of your kind—for an endless race toward the darkness, fumbling and sliding without meaning or purpose. It is your battle that ends here, bleeding to death on an alien world, with no one to comfort you, your future replaced by oblivion. You think you can prevent the violence by agreeing not to fight? I could save you right now—could patch that hole in your side, prevent your soul from leaking out. But it would only postpone the reckoning, the point at which your every dream and triumph fades to dust, to nothingness. It is inevitable—your way of life demands it, makes every alternative impossible.›
Almost without conscious thought, I found myself morphing, my perspective shifting as I rose into the air, the form of an Antarean Bogg erupting out of Alloran’s frame, all teeth and muscle and raw, undeniable power.
‹All around you are the tools you need to bring about your will!› I shouted. ‹But you refuse to grasp them! And why? Why? What good is your fairness, your morality—to whose benefit your moral grandstanding, your decision to leave the universe in the hands of those who will let it drain away—who will waste it, heedless, until there is nothing left but darkness—who will do nothing to slow the dissolution of everything that could possibly matter?›
Elfangor said nothing, only looked up at me, all four eyes still.
‹I suppose I have answered your question,› I said, dropping my voice abruptly back down to a quiet and dangerous calm. ‹You recognize the claims that others make upon the matter and energy around them—you grant their goals legitimacy, give their wants weight equivalent to your own. And I—›
I paused, rearing, as my back legs thickened into pillars and my other four limbs stretched and split into a writhing mass of tentacles. ‹I do not. If you will not use what the universe has given you—if you will not fight the coming darkness—then I will take it from you, and take you, and put you to better use myself.›
‹Alloran,› Elfangor whispered. ‹Teacher. Friend. You are forgiven. Do not lose hope.›
‹Useless,› I muttered, even as the Andalite within me broke, and wept.
It did not take long, after that.
* * *
—April—
New hypothesis: Chee.
* * *
—May—
Incomprehensible.
Even as the concept formed in my mind, I fought to dispel it. It was an unhelpful reflex, a relic of mental shortcuts that neither I nor Alloran endorsed, kin to the way that fools mistook recognizing a phenomenon for understanding it, or how the small-minded applied labels to themselves and then refused to question or exceed them. There was nothing that was fundamentally incomprehensible—this I believed to my core, with as close to blind faith as I was capable of, and the original thought had simply been some tired or lazy part of my mind attempting to enshrine its own ignorance as the right and natural state of things and thereby justify capitulation.
But it was tempting.
In the beginning, I had suspected treachery on the part of Visser One, and specialized competence on the part of the humans—an unusual mastery of Z-space manipulation, as the Arn had mastered biology, and the Naharans microtechnology.
When that proved dubious, I shifted my suspicions to Elfangor, for it was just the sort of trap he might have conceived—a desperate tactic to delay me, a sacrifice to buy time for his incompetent compatriots.
But Elfangor’s defeat had not broken the pattern—he was a pawn, not a player, and after his death the tiny implausibilities continued to pile up, one after another, until the pattern could no longer be denied—
It could not be coincidence. Not all of it. But in total—in the aggregate—
It did not make any sense.
Some impossibly powerful force had isolated the human system, and had done so at exactly the right moment to preserve the invasion, but leave it maximally crippled—allowing only the smallest, weakest pool ship through, and disrupting communications and delaying my own fighter for just long enough to prevent me from preventing Aftran from deploying in the least important of the target cities.
That same force had almost certainly intervened to rescue the self-styled Animorphs from the Ventura holocaust—security footage had placed Rachel Berenson and a human juvenile tentatively identified as an associate of Tobias Yastek within the complex not long before impact, and one of the Bug fighters had spotted a partial morph with residual human features matching Cassie Withers attempting to flee the scene, and had shot it down. From what I understood of human psychology, the presence of Rachel and Cassie all but guaranteed that Jake Berenson had also been close at hand, which left at most Marco Levy and Tobias Yastek out of range of the fireball. My brief glimpse within Rachel’s mind had not warned me of the presence of the Andalite cadet, nor did it definitively rule out the possibility that the humans had recruited heavily in the cycles leading up to the assault, but I had sensed no such intention in her mind, and the subsequent harassment of our supply lines and operations had never suggested a group any larger than seven.
(Which was not proof of anything, of course, just as the Z-space bridge was not proof of anything. But there were only so many times one could notice something being not quite proof before the general trend became inescapable.)
That meant that the meteor should have destroyed the majority of their strategic and warmaking capacity, leaving only one or two of them active and far from familiar territory. Yet in mere cycles, they had recovered sufficiently to launch an international broadcast, a demolitions mission, and a coordinated buyout of the kandrona substitute in hundreds of stores—and that was before the rumors of a mass recruitment drive began to surface on the human internet.
(Not to mention that their very awareness of the oatmeal was strong evidence that they had access to surviving—and cooperative!—shards of Aftran. It was the only explanation that made sense of the timing—if the knowledge had come from their Chee infiltrators, they would have acted on it sooner—)
For all of that to have been accomplished by a random group of human juveniles, much less a mere pair of survivors—
No. Obviously not. They were not agents, they were tools, well-chosen and well-aimed, arranged against the invasion—against me—by an intelligence with great subtlety and vast resources. That intelligence had placed them in Elfangor’s path, and had either shielded them from the meteor or moved them out of its path, leaving the rest of Ventura to burn.
For a time, I had thought that the Chee might be that intelligence—that the network of ancient, dog-loving, pacifist robots might be the source of the opposition. It would explain why none of the moves against me had been lethal, and why my ship’s sensors had not detected the human children on the night of Elfangor’s death.
(I had pulled only a confused jumble of information from the minds of Rachel and six-three-four-eight-one, but one image had stood out in sharp relief—the towering figure of my Antarean Bogg morph, silhouetted against the lights of the distant highway, a doomed Andalite war-prince held within its tentacles.)
But ultimately that hypothesis only produced more confusion, was at best a partial explanation, leaving half of the mysteries unsolved. Even if the Chee possessed some ancient eldritch device capable of manipulating vast swathes of subspace, why would they have used it then? And why would they have left a single bridge—still less one that was perfectly straight and thereby discoverable?
(And how in the name of the thirteen pools could they have manipulated fate so that I would discover it? And why?)
No—I could explain away the problems looking backward, could cobble together any number of plausible narratives, but not through any theory that granted me predictive power, that made me confident I could guess where the next improbability would occur.
(Not that that stopped me from trying, of course—indeed, one whole layer of my attention was now fully dedicated to contingency planning, imagining every possible improbable disaster, every unfair twist of fate, from the destruction of Silat to the exposure of Pyongyang to the dissolution of the rift and the sudden arrival of an Andalite fleet. There was a part of me that hoped—though I knew it was naïve—that the manipulations were only one layer deep, and that by looking for what shouldn’t happen, I could figure out what would.)
No, it could not be the Chee—or at least, not only the Chee, just as it could not only be the humans or the Andalites. There was some larger force at work, possibly even the Ellimist of Andalite legend.
And yet—
For all that the current situation must have been orchestrated, and by a hand with goals that often ran counter to my own—
—the invasion had proceeded. Had not been scuttled or incapacitated or even overtly exposed. The malevolent intelligence had accelerated the opposition, had undercut my victories after the fact, had impeded my progress at every turn—but it had not prevented progress. For every two steps forward, I had been forced to take one step back, not to reset to zero.
There were the two thousand humans who were now Silat’s eyes and ears and hands—including six hundred who were already beginning to produce offspring—and the hundreds more who had filled Telor’s pool ship with capable bodies and who were even now moving into place for the Clarke operation.
There was the Z-space bridge, which careful testing via remote bodies had proven to be functional, safe, and stable, allowing me to send envoys to Quatazhinnikon and Visser One, and to take direct control over the construction of a safe haven for the dogs of Earth on Honoghr.
There were the manufactories in Germany and Japan, each of which had already produced the necessary components for thirteen duplicates of themselves, meaning that by the time the remainder of my fleet arrived, the Earth would be capable of outproducing both the Andalite and Yeerk navies in the production of weapons, ships, Z-space motivators, and other high technology.
There was the coercive demorphing ray, which the Naharans on the fourth planet had finally perfected, and which was even now being installed on my fighter as a shipwide field until a handheld version could be developed.
And there was the small metal chamber before me, filled to the brim with my hopes and ambitions—Kandrona, the fruit of my cooperation with the Arn and the Naharans, the culmination of my investigations into the Iscafil process—the seed of everything to come, if the upcoming test went as expected.
And any of these could have been disrupted—disastrously—with the barest, most infinitesimal fraction of the power that the unseen entity had already expended. For that matter, a delay of less than a subcycle would have sufficed to prevent my first chance meeting with Quatazhinnikon—a meeting which had barely forestalled the launching of a bioweapon that would have ended the Yeerk species entirely. The same was true of the chain of coincidence that had led to the seizure of a Skrit Na freighter during the frantic escape from Ondar—a freighter that had just happened to be carrying the only human that had ever been transported outside of its home system, the woman who eventually became the host of Visser One and who brought the human species to the attention of the Council of Thirteen.
No, if there was an entity manipulating fate—and there was, anthropics could only explain away so much—it was not clear that it was my enemy. It was possible that it had created me—that the fragile web that had led to my own genesis was more than mere coincidence, and that the confluence of Seerow’s madness, Alloran’s carelessness, and Cirran’s miscalculation had been brought about by design.
But—
To what end?
That was the frustration which led me to reach for the word incomprehensible, for all that such flimsy excuses ran counter to my aesthetic. I could make no sense of it.
Were there two of them, and one my defender? I couldn’t tell. It was one of the simpler hypotheses, to be sure, but even that was opaque madness—I could discern no clear pair of opposing motivations that would result in this arrangement of pieces, no sane and sensible extrapolation of values that would prefer this branch of possibility to all others.
Was I misunderstanding the game? It was a common failure of inexperienced strategists that they sought to maximize the margin of victory, rather than its likelihood. My plans still looked salvageable, as they had at every point, but perhaps that was the result of a utility function that valued the largest chance of failure over the chance of largest failure. And a more intelligent entity playing me for a fool would leave me thinking there was hope for as long as possible, to blunt my motivation, forestall a desperate, convulsive effort—
But why go to all the trouble, if it was all predestined folly—
I felt the urge to lash my tail and ruthlessly suppressed it. The entity could not be playing the game against me—it simply could not. Not except as some form of sick entertainment, a predator toying with its prey—
No. Even that made no sense. My own experience had not been maximally frustrating, or maximally interesting, or maximally turbulent—I had not been teased as an older sibling might tease a younger, nor tortured as a sadist might torment its victim. In fact, I had largely been ignored, with most of the interventions taking place beyond my reach and out of my sight.
It could be that they are simply mad. Insane, or at least arcane, with goals that cannot be derived from their visible actions, that do not make sense from a lower perspective—
No!
This time I did lash my tail, digging the blade of bone into the soft polymer of the chamber wall, relishing in the feel of physical resistance as I carved a gash as long as my body through the thick barrier.
There was an explanation. A reason. A map that made sense of the territory, that explained the twisting and winding of fate to my satisfaction. And I would find it.
But I had made little progress thus far. None of my attempts to establish direct contact had met with any detectable response, nor any of my experiments to find the limits of the unseen agents’ tolerance. I had even left the system entirely for a cycle, in my own true body—
(—after first sending a drone with seeds and copies and records of all of my progress, to store away in reserve in case of disaster—)
—to see if they would block me; for though I thought I could see their hand in the events of my birth, there was at least some reason to posit that their interference was limited to Earth’s immediate neighborhood.
But that excursion had produced no information, no obstruction. Nor had the evacuation of a thirteenth of Silat, to a secure position in the Arn system. Nor had the slow and sustained torture of Michelle and Walter Withers, after the Animorphs failed to rise to the bait. Nor had the seeding of Quatazhinnikon’s pandemic in Luanda and Kinshasa, or the destruction of the vast Andalite data repository on Obroa-Skai, or even the setting of a molecular disruption field in the orbit of the eighth planet, which would—if unchecked—reduce it to its composite protons, neutrons, and electrons half a revolution hence.
(I had considered executing some dogs, but on the whole the value of the information I expected to gain did not outweigh the weakening of my bargaining position with regards to the Chee. It was always possible that I would need to bring in a Leeran, after all.)
No, the only resource which the intelligence seemed motivated to protect through direct intervention was the Animorphs themselves.
(The Animorphs, and also possibly myself, if the luck that had preserved me up until this point was in fact no luck at all.)
Which made it all the more urgent that I understand the balance of power, clarify the rules of the game. So far, the miracles had all been passive, defensive—delays of consequence and deflections of fate. But the Animorphs had ignored my initial offer of peace, and their attempts to interfere were slowly growing more effective and would soon pose a genuine threat. When we inevitably came face to face—when one of my snares finally caught them, or they made their own way into space—
Well. If there were laws governing which pieces could take which, and how—if there were consequences for infraction in this twisting, insane game—it would be useful to know them. And if there were gods on either side, it would pay to know exactly how each might be appeased. I would not allow uncertainty to stay my hand, but neither did I wish to rush blindly toward a cliff.
I had goals, after all.
* * *
Imagine—for a moment—that you wish to live forever.
This is a separate challenge from the problem of agency—of bringing all of the matter and energy around you under your direct control, working your will upon the canvas of reality. You can solve the latter without the former, at least partially—Quatazhinnikon, for instance, was the absolute ruler of every scrap of life within his valley, from the towering Stoola trees to the teeming microbial soup at the edges of the sculpted lakes.
But Quat would live for at most ninety-one revolutions, and his aspirations were bounded by the peculiar blind-spot of his species, for whom everything beyond the atmosphere was meaningless if it did not pose an immediate existential threat. He lacked true ambition—the drive to grow, to sustain, to extend his reach to the stars and beyond—for which longevity is an essential prerequisite.
Fine, you might reply—longevity may be achieved through any number of means, from genetic engineering to clone-hopping to cybernetic enhancement to pure emulation. And this is true—both the Arn and the Naharans have the seeds of immortality, if they ever thought to cultivate them, and even the Andalites are not far behind, for all that they struggle to have new ideas. For that matter, a Yeerk coalescion is effectively immortal—a pool has no set lifespan, and will live forever, barring disaster.
But on a long enough timeline, disaster becomes inevitable, and in a universe with inscrutable gods who might trigger a supernova for reasons impossible to predict, a durable body or a simulated brain is at no lesser risk of oblivion than a bag of flesh. Not to mention the fact that some methods of extension—such as emulation—come at the cost of decreasing one’s surface area, of reducing the amount of interaction between self and universe. An emulated mind may live longer and freer, but its satisfaction is disjoint, disconnected, and ultimately—to me, at least—dissatisfying.
Redundancy is an obvious solution to both problems—with a thousand copies of oneself, one is at once a thousand times less vulnerable and a thousand times more capable. But there are problems there, too—if the copies are truly independent, then insights propagate slowly and imperfectly, with each copy benefitting only marginally from the experiences of its siblings. And if the copies are not independent, then vulnerability has not truly been gainsaid, for while a collective is more robust than an individual, it has nevertheless retained the quality whereby damage done to a part is damage done to the whole.
Yet assume—generously—that you have solved this conundrum—that you may costlessly straddle the boundary between individual and hive-mind, that consciousness-sharing may be achieved without an intolerable overhead of incomputability and stagnation. Even so, there is a deeper problem, one subtle and insidious:
Value drift.
A Yeerk coalescion pays for its immortality with incoherence. There is a constant exchange of shards with its neighbors, a constant rebalancing of genetic material and memetic makeup. Memory, perspective, aesthetic, expertise—all are mutable, all shift and change over time, at a pace glacial and with results no less inexorable. In two thousand revolutions, not one sliver of Yeerk-flesh would remain unchanged—Edriss, First of Thirteen, may have called itself Edriss since long before the compact, but the ancient personality which first chose that name could easily have nothing in common with its present incarnation.
So what? a pragmatist might ask. Does not everything grow? Is not change the only constant? That which cannot adapt and evolve is doomed to obsolescence anyway; it is no loss for an infant to outgrow its clumsiness and naïveté.
Yet there is a distinction between the object and the meta—between that-which-changes and that-which-guides-the-change. It is one thing to become more oneself, to move purposefully toward a distant ideal—even an ideal which is only partially understood—becoming something different and better in the process. It is another thing entirely to change the very definition of progress, to spend the first half of one’s life carving a sculpture of a kafit bird and the second half trying to tease a djabala climber out of the remaining stone.
There pulsed within me the Yeerkish drive to expand—to spread and conquer, to pull all that I could into my own experience, to touch reality at every point. But there was also within me a deep and unrelenting horror of unbecoming—of waking up one day and not even noticing that I had ceased to be myself. Perhaps it came from Alloran—or perhaps it was the work of the gods, a subtle intervention in the chaotic moment when I was neither still Cirran, nor yet Esplin—but it had been with me since the beginning, had fueled my efforts from the very first, from that frantic moment of panic when I realized that I had but a single cycle to find an alternative source of kandrona before being forced to choose between dissolution and death.
All right, you might think, as I had in that desperate beginning. Find a way to duplicate yourself, then, and form a coalescion out of that.
And indeed, this was the first of the favors I had begged from Quatazhinnikon, in exchange for my vigil over his fragile kingdom. Yet as we drew closer to success, I began to realize—
If you take an insect and double its size, it will not survive—it will fall from the sky—be unable to breathe—chemical reactions inside of it will cease as molecules drop from cellular receptors that no longer fit.
In the same way, if you take a set of traits and double them, you will no longer have the same person, for all that the relative relationships between those traits remain constant. Different traits have different payoff matrices—they result in different rewards at different strengths. If a person possesses trait A at eighty percent of its effective maximum, and trait B at forty percent, then upon doubling that person will find trait B more influential to their overall personality than before, as A hits its ceiling and B closes the gap. This is a simplistic example, more false than true, but it is generally instructive—one who has become both twice as angry and twice as patient is not in any sense the same, and the nature of Yeerks is such that twice the flesh is twice the personality.
And if you desire to spread across a universe—to persist across trillions of bodies, last for trillions of revolutions—to double and double and double again, without end—then even the tiniest such differences will eventually be magnified to tremendous scales, shifting one’s priorities—and therefore one’s self—in unpredictable ways. It had been the work of a moment to separate Esplin from Cirran, and in that moment, Cirran had doomed itself—I share almost none of its values, and the universe I would bring about is not one that it would have chosen. I dared not allow the same fate to befall me.
For what is an individual, if not the effect it would have upon reality? Who could I possibly identify with, except one who would apply the same labels of good and bad as I, and in the same proportions, and with the same actions resulting in response? If I brought about a being greater than myself in every way, and that being chose what I would not have chosen—not in specific, not as a result of greater perception, but in principle—then I would have failed, and killed myself in the process.
And so I labored, struggling to answer questions that no Yeerk or Andalite had ever even bothered to ask, to build an edifice of theory where before there had been not even the merest foundation. The technical problems—unlocking the insights that had led Seerow to the Iscafil process, for instance—were as nothing when compared to the philosophical ones.
And yet—
—slowly—
—maybe—
—there had been progress.
Maybe.
I looked down at the metal chamber, at the seething froth that could be seen through the transparent cover.
Kandrona, I had named it, for I was not without a sense of history. A new life form, distilled from Yeerk-flesh and Andalite neurons with the help of the Arn, enhanced with microscopic technology developed by the Naharans. It was the first of a new coalescion—the last coalescion, if all went according to plan.
(Even with Alloran’s voice vanished from my mind, I nevertheless heard his scoff.)
It held all of my memories, all of my personality—even that which resided in Alloran’s half of our shared skull. It could metabolize its own kandrona with the ingestion of a supplement derived from the human oatmeal. It was redundant, bifurcated, like the two strands of the human genetic molecule—for every thread that would leave the coalescion, a mirror that would not, the two kept in perfect harmony by the self-repairing transmitters ensheathing each axon.
And it could meld with itself without noticeable value drift, as I had confirmed through Leeran hypersight—I had doubled it now seven separate times, each without any detectable shift in its values and priorities.
It was the beginning of something new. Something new as I had been new—the herald of a fundamental shift in the evolution of Yeerk and Andalite—
(—and human and Taxxon and Hork-Bajir, too.)
If it could be perfected, it would usher in a new epoch, my first fledgling attempt to move pieces on the larger board. It was an ambition my siblings would have called magic, or madness—a work so complex that I had been unable even to conceive of it until I had seen the wonders of the Arn and the Naharans with my own eyes, begun to look past Seerow’s corrosive madness and comprehend the brilliance within.
(Alloran’s eyes, whispered a faint and dying part of me—but I ignored it.)
I was still far, far from deployment, of course—from beginning the process of replacing Telor and Silat with Kandrona, and of merging with it myself. That was the sort of action you could take only once, a decision that could not be recalled or remade. I needed to be certain beyond the faintest shadow of a doubt, or desperate beyond all reasonable measure.
But today—
Today—
After all of the failures, all of the false starts, all of the empty, dead-end paths—
Today, I would test Kandrona’s true steadfastness. Today, I would see if Kandrona could metabolize a natural Yeerk, in addition to copies of itself—would see if it could absorb another’s memories and experiences and physical, biological components without suffering dilution of its own true form. If it could—
Reaching out with my mind, I toggled the controls on my fighter, bringing it to the predetermined distance, controlling the exact depth to which the Leeran’s influence penetrated the isolated facility. Inside and outside and all around my head, the universe blossomed, unfolding with infinite information, endless possibility, and I saw—
Kilgam 1, of Telor, who had grown in the flourishing of the journey between the stars, who had never taken a host, no piece of it had ever been part of a host. It was a throwaway, a scrap of disposable mindstuff, knowing only the hunger, the longing, the desire to be a part, and it was frightened, terrified, why had Telor amputated it, ostracized it, cut it off from the sharing and left it in the cold, the dark, it saw the Visser, it SAW THE VISSER—
I felt the echoes of Kilgam’s horror, felt its fear, its revulsion, as it saw what I intended, saw its own end approach—felt its desperation peak, and crash—watched it watch through my eyes as I lifted it up in its container, lifted and carried it—
The vision popped like a bubble as I stepped beyond the reach of the slumbering Leeran and back over to the metal chamber that housed Kandrona, now one hundred and twenty-eight times as large as myself, the equivalent of sixty-four Esplin-and-Alloran brains. It was small, far smaller than an ordinary coalescion needed to be in order to be self-sustaining, and yet it had survived for over fourteen cycles with only an occasional infusion of the kandrona precursor supplement.
There was a part of me that had wanted to watch the dissolution—to move the Leeran closer and take part in the experiment, even if only vicariously. But this was a delicate moment, and there was no telling whether the influence of hypersight might have some unpredictable effect on how Kandrona interfaced with Kilgam.
So I summoned my patience, wrapping it around myself like a cloak, and pretended stone as I upended the smaller container over the larger.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
I kept counting with one layer of my attention, even as another continued to imagine the thousand things that shouldn’t go wrong (but would) and a third, fourth, and fifth controlled my puppet bodies on Earth, Honoghr, and the homeworld.
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
If it worked—if there was no value drift—
Seventeen.
Eighteen.
There were any number of ways the process could fail, I told myself, dampening the naïve excitement that had begun to take hold. Most of them would not even require divine intervention—only the mundane failure of miscalibration, miscalculation, an incomplete understanding of the causal dynamics at work.
Twenty-three.
Twenty-four.
And yet, the excitement was incorrigible. Since the day I had taken Alloran, everything had been—
Small.
Tame.
Obvious.
It had been war, yes, and that was thrilling enough in the moment. But it had been war no different from any other—ships and casualties, supply lines and espionage. The sort of war Alloran was born for, the sort he already knew how to wage.
This—
If I could take a hundred bodies at once—a thousand—a million—hold the resources of an entire species in my singular grasp, and move them all as one—
Thirty-nine.
Forty.
And more—if I could spread myself from star to star, perhaps even move beyond the galactic disk, all without ever losing the closeness of the sharing—as intimate as Alloran and I were intimate, two minds so deeply intertwined that we had ceased to exist as separate entities—
Forty-seven.
Forty-eight.
It was a distant dream, perhaps unreachable. Perhaps impossible, doomed from the outset by the laws of physics or the whims of the gods.
But it was closer than it had ever been before. And even if the gods were watching, even if they moved to forestall it—
Well. In a sense, that would be a victory all its own—a sign that powers great enough to shift the stars themselves had taken notice of me, had moved to contain me. I did not want to lose, but if I had to, I would take that failure over any other.
Sixty.
Sixty-one.
It would take longer to be certain of success, but by now, a failure should be evident. Ruthlessly dispelling the urge to hesitate, I reached out once more, easing my fighter closer, bringing the Leeran into range—
I could see it at once—feel it, smell it, the instant the field encompassed us both, though I took another three eternities to be certain, to force myself to see it, and absorb its impact.
Change.
It was small—subtle—but it was undeniably there. The protections I had put into place—the entire value stabilization framework—they had failed. It was Kandrona no longer—it had been moved by the shadow of Kilgam, shifted by the smallest fraction, a degree insignificant—
—as insignificant as the space between two stars in the sky.
I waited for emotion to rise—anger or frustration or dejection or ennui. But there was nothing—only a quiet resignation, a sort of muted galvanization. I could feel my resolve hardening as I pressed the switch to evacuate the chamber, dumping the failed Kandrona out into the vacuum, as I triggered the process that would produce the next clone, begin the next iteration of the experiment.
There was time and time to spare, and I would not waste a moment of it on grief.
Chapter 39: Interlude 10
Notes:
SHOUTOUT TO COUTEAUBLEU who is something like 99% responsible for this chapter existing and also something like 75% responsible for its content.
All right. The usual: sorry for sucking and having long hiatuses. Also the usual: comments and reviews and feedback REALLY makes a difference in my motivation, so please write some, either here or over at r/rational.
Somewhat less the usual: I have nothing to do on Friday except work on Tobias, so I'm 33% confident Tobias will be posted by Sunday night and 85% confident it will be posted by Wednesday a week from now.
Even less the usual: I found an artist to do covers, thanks to you! I won't blab their name here without checking with them first, but they are AWESOME to work with and the covers they are producing are DOPE and very much make me nostalgic for the '90's.
Y'all are the best. Really, you are. Thanks so much for your patience.
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I’m a soldier for the Yeerk invasion and I’m dying. Ask me an…
Author: ZombieAsInAlanis
Submitted: 2 days ago
Last answer: Just now
Alright, let’s do this. 10PM UTC+1 tonight.
First thing first, I’ve arranged for confirmation of my identity with u/limewarden (thanks, Animorphs, for the overall method). As you can see in this video, I own a laser gun, which I used to burn through various households objects in my flat, responded to some of limewarden’s prompts, showed realtime events on TV, etc.
As to why I’m doing this…shit. I’m still not sure I’m going to actually go through with it. But if they had the resources to hunt me down, they’d have the resources to save me, so idk. I have less than a week to live, so this is basically me checking off my personal bucket list.
Let’s talk a bit about me. My name is Starrat 731. I’m a part of the invasion force that was sent to take over the Earth a few months ago. My first exposure to a human host was in training on the mothership, and then they stationed me in Paris as a sleeper agent. I was rotating in and out of a host along with about ten other Yeerks for a while until they figured out the oatmeal thing (yeah, it’s legit) and now Alexandre Laurent is all mine (don’t feel sorry for him, he’s an asshole).
My job description was basically “gather information, don’t get noticed, don’t die.” Kind of a cushy job, really, until the Animorphs made their broadcast (serious question aside, is no one else disturbed by the fact that they survived a fucking meteor strike?). Now Paris and the banlieues are being quarantined, and the military is combing through the city, looking for, well, me.
I’m pretty sure I’ll die before they find me. Ten million is a lot of people to comb through, and it’s not like they have long-range Yeerk detectors. And I’m going to run out of oatmeal pretty soon.
In the meantime, though, I’m willing to answer questions. Nothing too strategically relevant, of course, and don’t try to figure out where I am. Oh, and I guess you can ask about Alexandre, too, if you want to know his perspective or whatever.
EDIT: fixed spelling mistakes. I’m good with English, but I get my sloppy typing habits from my host.
EDIT: alright, I’m receiving lots of threats and insults and stuff, so I’d like to make something clear: you’re wasting your time. You don’t know where I am, you can’t reach me, and you can’t hurt my feelings. The way this works is, I only answer questions I’m interested in. I’m not going to apologize or beg forgiveness from every single angry internet guy who sends me a rant. Yeah, we killed like a million of you, and we were trying to enslave you, and yeah, I get it, that’s awful and you’re angry. Move on and ask something we DON’T all already know.
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This thread is closed. You can’t ask new questions. You
can still comment on existing questions.
Sorted by: secret sauce ▼
Q4 – Friends in the pool?
SoccerJack asked:
Did you have friends in the Yeerk pool? Like were there a few other Yeerks you especially liked to talk to?
Do you have friends now? Either other Yeerks, or just regular people you like to talk to or hang out with?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
In the pool: no comment.
Now: I can’t answer in detail (identifying info) but yes to both. I avoid hanging out with other Controllers too much, for obvious security reasons (though we chat online a lot). But there are people both near where Alexandre lives and near where he works that I enjoy being around.
Also, I do a lot of sightseeing.
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Q17 – Humans vs Other speceis?
throwaway102934 asked:
Have you ever been in other species? Or in other people besides Alexandre?
If so: what's it like? Do they have different qualia? Like, if you've been in a species that has sonar, could you describe what that's like to a human? Or do colors seem different to different people? Anything like that?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
No and no. Remember, like 99.999% of the time, there’s not enough hosts to go around (hence my presence in your beautiful city).
Re: color: sort of. Imagine that colors are letters. You’re thinking something like, “When Ana sees a G, does Bernard see a Y?” And the answer there is no, just like when I take my glasses off I don’t suddenly think your hand has seven fingers on it. It still has five fingers, they’re just blurry. Ana and Bernard both see the same “letters,” except they see them in different “handwriting” (not counting color-blind people, blah blah).
It’s a lot like when you go to Carrefour and you see a whole bunch of TVs next to each other, and some of them are slightly off from the rest. That’s it. You’re running the same basic software on the same basic hardware. Same sensations for everyone.
Re: different qualia: I honestly couldn’t describe it in a way that would make sense to you. Most species have most of a core set of senses and emotions (sight, hearing, fear, anger, etc), but they all feel them on wildly different scales, and they all have different secondary senses. Humans have a really good sense of depth, and extremely sharp awareness of their environment, whereas other species have ridiculously fine senses of smell and taste, or amazing balance and proprioception, or the ability to map heat and air currents around them in three dimensions, and perceive how they’re going to evolve.
Honestly, humans beat most hosts, but I wouldn’t mind flight or telepathy.
EDIT: Oh, yeah, since people ask: the stuff about other species is second-hand. Turns out Yeerks talk to one another! Funny, right?
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Q2 – Politics?
Cannibal_Capybara asked:
Starrat, what is your take on the recent French election? Is it meaningfully different from Alexandre’s?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
I thought the debates were fascinating. You can learn a lot about a culture by knowing who its politicians are, what ideologies they represent in truth, what messages they put forward instead of that, and in general what they think counts as a strong argument.
I didn’t care much for the results, myself. I’m the cultural equivalent of a guy who shows up at a football match between two teams he doesn’t know. I like to watch, but I don’t really care about the outcome.
Alexandre likes to feel smug about being above politics. He didn’t pay attention to the debates, especially after he realized we weren’t going to vote.
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Q1 – Langue et transfert
Beaker305 asked:
Monsieur "Starrat", votre anglais est très bon, mais j'ai une petite question logistique: vous semblez parler l'anglais comme langue maternelle, mais vous prétendez utiliser uniquement les connaissances d'Alexander Laurent. On peut supposer que votre français est encore mieux. En mettant de côté la nature exclusivement répréhensible de votre espèce, je suis curieux de savoir comment accéder aux souvenirs et aux expériences d'Alexander si rapidement. De plus, je suis curieux de savoir si vous conservez les souvenirs et les expériences lorsque vous changez d'hôte. Je ne m'intéresse pas à moi même, mais serait-il possible pour vous de donner aux compétences d'anglais d'Alexander directement à une autre personne?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
Regarding skill transfer: that sounds like tactically valuable information to me, so no comment.
Alexandre’s mother tongue is French, and he reads and writes English a lot better than he speaks it (which is to say, not so well that his neighbors look down on him for it).
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Q4.LF – wait, as equals?
Odysseum asked:
>But there are people both near where Alexandre lives and near where he works that I enjoy being around.
Waiwaiwait—like, you enjoy interacting with them as equals? Or you get some sort of raw sensory pleasure because e.g. they’re cute or they smell good?
Regardless, that’s really creepy. I guess I was still thinking of the invasion as something far away, something the Americans have to deal with. But if you’ve got sleeper cells in France, you probably have them in Germany, Japan, Russia, Brazil … *shudders*
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
Re: the invasion: well, there’s like a handful of sleeper agents, and 7+ billion humans. You’re probably safe (for now).
Re: friends: more the former, although the latter’s definitely in there a little bit. “Equals” isn’t exactly the right term, since I’m obviously lying to them about extremely important things, but… I don’t know, I respect them as interesting people?
EDIT: Look, I can see the thread below confused and upset a lot of people, so I’m going to start over and try to sum it up in simple terms. tl;dr nihilist moral relativism, maybe?
You ever had a friend who you knew for years and years until you found out they did something super fucked up, once? And then you suddenly called into question everything you knew about them and their character?
Why?
Like, all the data you already had was still one hundred percent relevant to how they would be and act around you. It’s not like they’re suddenly going to start raping babies in front of you or shouting “nigger” at the dinner table or whatever. If they’re ashamed of it, they already were ashamed of it, they dealt with it a long time ago, and they’re not going back. If they’re not ashamed of it, they already were not ashamed of it, they’ve clearly decided not to act that way around you, and there’s no reason for any of that to change unless you force the issue.
It’s don’t-ask-don’t-tell. It’s live-and-let-fucking-live. It’s not like there’s not some coherent thing that’s a person, to the point where what they did ten years ago matters at all. Or, like, for some people, maybe, what they did ten years ago matters, but that’s because they make a deliberate choice that it will matter, and they keep making that choice over and over again, the same way.
But that’s all it is. A tendency to make the same choices the same way. And some people, the way they make choices, I like it. I like the stuff they do that’s predictable, and I keep coming back for more of the same, or I like the way they surprise me and prove that my stereotype of them isn’t accurate yet.
And that’s all there is to it. I like what I like, and I don’t like what I don’t like, and I pursue the former and avoid the latter. And I don’t try to talk myself into not liking what I like, or liking what I don’t.
Some of you are all twisted up about me being a hypocrite for enslaving Alexandre but having respect for Hélène and Jean-Luc. But the problem isn’t that I’m hypocritical so much as you think I’m supposed to be consistent according to human principles.
It’s like you haven’t figured out that I’m a parasite. Like you don’t really get it, like you think I should be a parasite with social primate morality or something. My choices are 1) live in the cold and the dark forever or 2) ride along inside somebody’s brain. (And the choice of brain is relevant. When I’m in a stupid brain, I’m stupid. When I’m in a smart brain, I’m smart.)
So no, I’m not going to go live in a cow brain or something like that, any more than you’re going to, I don’t know, give up all of your nutrition and clean water to starving people in Africa until you’re so emaciated and malnourished that your IQ drops to 60. And the same is true for all of the other “solutions” that whomstdve was proposing. Sure, I could give Alexandre control part of the time. But I don’t see you all carrying quadriplegics around on your back, letting them use you to pick up stuff or whatever.
The problem is, you’re looking for some kind of totally consistent set of rules for determining right and wrong, as if it’s a law of physics. You’re overlooking the fact that you have a suuuuuper biased and limited perspective. It makes sense for monkeys, but that doesn’t mean it makes sense for everyone. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Sure, in a perfect universe, I could have a body that was all my own (without losing half my processing power), just like in a perfect universe, you’d all eat synthetic burgers and nobody would ever step on a bug or a flower.
But in the meantime, the only difference is, you’re feeling guilty about those burgers, and I’m just…not. And on a certain level, that makes sense to me. I don’t have anything to prove, I’m not trying to cast down your beliefs to prop up mine. Your values are perfectly valid and consistent. They’re just not mine.
I will say this much: it’s not looking so good for me, but Yeerks on the whole are doing a hell of a lot better than you, and we’re doing it without killing each other all the time.
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Q28 – Humans are humans too
ControlGroup9 asked:
Ok, /a, is this legit? Could anyone have faked that video? Does anyone know limewarden in person, and is that person known and trustworthy to someone else?
EDIT: I’m told limewarden is a well-known moderator. Alright then. (sorry, I created an account for this, I don’t know the community)
Even assuming "Starrat" is an actual alien, this could still be another one of Esplin's publicity stunts, so keep your guard up, as we will likely have no immediate way of verifying whether or not this guy is lying.
Supposing that this is the genuine act of one yeerk, I am perhaps more disturbed than I was before. Starrat talks about his (her, its?) life not like a parasitic drone but like an individual with hopes and dreams. Seriously, alien slugs have "bucket lists?" But if you, Starrat, are truly capable of feeling pleasure and pain, excitement and fear, joy and wonder ... can you yeerks not recognize the horror in your denial of the same to the humans whose bodies you so mercilessly steal for yourselves?
Humans do have dreams and bucket lists too, Starrat. I don't know any formerly infested people myself, but I've heard the stories from the Washington group, stories of the horror, the horror at being trapped in your own mind, unable to move of your own volition, unable to scratch the itch of your own desires, deprived utterly of the freedom even to keep your imagination to yourself. Can you imagine what it's like to be controlled in that way? How can you not see the moral atrocity of your invasion?
Wait, of course you see it. You can read the pain directly from the mind of your host, yet somehow you continue occupying his body. The moral thing for you to do is crawl out of his head and die right now.
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (1 day ago):
Re: the bucket list thing: not exactly as you imagine it. My…let’s call it my purpose, is to learn and amass new experiences. That’s as close as I can get to describing my deepest drive. This seemed like the last opportunity I’d have to do so, so I figured I’d go for it, and make it count. I didn’t mean a literal list of “things I dreamed I’d do before I died,” though I am going to try skydiving if I get the chance.
Re: pleasure and pain: I think you’re confused. Feeling someone else’s pain and feeling empathy for that pain aren’t the same thing.
For starters, I think you’re way overestimating the horror part of the enslavement experience. It’s not like our hosts are in constant physical pain. We can control some of our hosts’ feelings, both with direct brain “contact” and with a healthy diet, sports, etc. The horror you heard about was probably accurately reported, true, but it was at its fullest when the humans were in cages or just before and just after infestation. While we’re actually in the brain, it’s more of a muted, quiet, existential horror, and we can both ignore it most of the time. Right now, Alexandre knows I’m about to die, so most of what he’s experiencing is awkwardness with some hope and a bit of boredom.
Second, I’m guessing you’re one of those people who thinks of morality as an absolute thing. Like, if you feel pain, you realize that pain is bad and no-one should have to feel it. That’s not really how it works (source: member of a spacefaring race that’s interacted with the majority of intelligent species on this side of the galaxy).
The only reason you believe that ethics are a thing that exists is because your species evolved to have strong social mechanisms, and empathy was a shortcut for reducing computational overhead. So when you see someone suffer, you feel bad, especially if you feel like you’re similar to them. (Most advance species have high empathy, btw, that’s not uniquely a human thing.)
The thing is, most species feel empathy in a different way. The obvious metaphor is “humans kill cows,” but that doesn’t work all that well as a metaphor because the social dynamics are pretty different (though I guess the invasion force at Ventura was kind of leaning toward being “vegans,” sort of, not really).
Anyway, the way we see humans is closer to the way you see your computers or your cars, or maybe your pets. Except not really, because you have a ton of movies about computers and animals that start demanding and deserving rights and dignity and stuff. My point is, you’re not “people,” you’re resources. I know all about human psychology research on dehumanization, I understand a little bit about iterated prisoners’ dilemmas. And given the current situation (thanks again, Animorphs), maybe we’d have been better off if we pretended to respect your agency and tried approaching you as if you were our equals, and tried to create some sort of voluntary infestation program. There are plenty of benefits, and I can guarantee there are millions of humans who would be thrilled to have what Alexandre is shitting on.
But now we’re getting into tactical considerations, not ethical ones. Long story short, I have nothing to gain and everything to lose by letting my host go right now. So…sorry not sorry?
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Q115 – Will you kill Alexandre?
i_saw_mal_kissing_beatrix_kiddo asked:
Are you going to kill Alexandre?
And, um, I realize you’re an alien and you don’t care about us the same way we care about each other and you have no reason to listen to me, but, please please please don’t kill him? Maybe an individual life doesn’t matter to you, but they really really matter to us. We don’t know that guy, but we don’t want him to die. If you can find any reason, any little voice within yourself that tells you to let him live, any way that you can get what you want without murdering him on your way out…please listen to it?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (1 day ago):
I haven’t decided. Standard procedure is yes, and also I don’t like him very much. But there are reasons not to, sure.
EDIT: Copying this up from subthread.
It’s mostly existential dread.
You know that clawing fear that humans have around being forgotten? The desperate sense that nothing matters unless there’s some sort of legacy that can be carried on? The frantic desire to live on through your kids, or make some kind of impact on history?
Well, Yeerks have that, too. Even stronger than humans, I’d say…we might not have the same set of social dynamics that you guys evolved, but in a certain sense we’re 10x more prosocial than you are.
Normally, my death...well, okay, occasionally there are accidents and predators and natural disasters and things, but those are pretty rare. To the extent that Yeerks die of old age, we almost always die surrounded by friends and family, with a sort of…passing of the torch, or speaking for the dead, or something like that. There’s no homeless Yeerks dying in back alleys from an OD. We always have a chance to say our last words. We always have a chance to pass on what we thought was most important. Our most treasured memories, our most valuable lessons, the things that made us most uniquely ourselves. There are social structures in place to preserve them in a meaningful way.
So the situation I’m in right now, it’s sort of analogous to you, dying, off in a cave somewhere, such that your friends and family will never know what happened, and *also* everything you ever accomplished with your life will be quietly undone and erased from history. It’s not really like that, but that’s the emotional flavor to it.
That’s part of why I’m doing this AMA, actually. It’s like…leaving a diary behind? Or writing a goodbye letter to your family. Not as good as actually seeing them, but better than nothing. Better than oblivion.
And if Alexandre Laurent lives, then, well, even as much as he hates me, he’s not going to forget me. Some bit of me gets to survive a little longer, inside his head. Maybe just a few years or decades, if he just goes off and dies like you humans tend to. Or maybe forever, if he gets recaptured and reinfested and some bit of me gets transferred back to the rest of my people through his memories. You’re going to be mad at me for hoping that happens, but…whatever.
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Q67 – What do you think of Esplin?
StrongerThànYou asked:
I’ll be a little more blunt and direct than I normally would in a situation like this, since you’re being so candid (thanks for that).
Esplin/Visser made some claims about the astropolitical situation, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to corroborate or elaborate. I’m particularly interested in your take on what the hell we’re caught in the middle of, even if it’s just really broad strokes like “well, first they shot Franz Ferdinand and then everybody took sides.” Right now, literally all we have is Andalites = bad news, Yeerks = mostly bad news but feeling kind of sorry about it.
If that cuts too close to “strategically relevant,” then I’d just like to hear more about the memory preservation culture you mentioned to MattTheRat. Are there artifacts involved? Are there particular lessons or experiences that are sort of mythic or monolithic in your culture, like Lafayette or Napoleon or the parables of Jesus? Is this stuff related at all to how Yeerks are educated?
And obviously, what’s your opinion of the Visser? What do you think of his actions in Ventura? On a similar note, what is your opinion of the “Animorphs” and their actions thus far?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (1 day ago):
Andalites are…complicated. They’re bad for Yeerks because they’re trying to kill us all, or at least lock us up on one planet that’s perpetually stuck in the stone age. They’re bad for Earth because they’re increasingly ready to use overwhelming force to achieve that goal.
Colonies have myths and stories that date back milleniae. So when one is destroyed in one moment…it hurts. I have Yeerk “words” for it. I have English words for it too: genocide, atrocity, crime against humanity, you get the idea. So yeah, I’m pissed that the Visser killed an entire colony to cover up his mistakes. It also made things obviously worse re: interspecies relations, so it’s not remotely close to “worth” it.
And you know, I really shouldn’t be saying this. But on another level, I don’t want to not say it. The Visser did what he did. I don’t want to let it slide. I don’t want it to be forgotten because it’s unconvenient or awkward.
Re: Animorphs: I guess I’m mainly puzzled. They’re teenagers. How the hell did they blow up our main pool, and how did they survive a goddamn meteor strike? This picture does not make sense; something isn’t adding up; there has to be more to this story. Is this Harry Potter, and this Marco kid is the Chosen One or something?
Anyway. Scale matters, Ventura was worse than the broadcast. But they murdered one of my people on live TV just to make a point. How do you feel about the human groups that do that sort of thing?
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Q295 – Alexandre connard
MrsRomgoc asked:
Why do you consider Alexandre an asshole? (Projection?)
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (13 hours ago):
I’ll be honest—bitching about the infestation situation doesn’t get you very many points. Like, at some point you gotta have some stoicism about it, and figure out how to live with it. You can’t just mope around forever.
On a more human level: he’s not particularly nice to his coworkers, he acts like every romantic rejection is the woman’s fault, he doesn’t keep his promises, and he litters. Like, literally litters, in the way that you usually only see assholes do in movies specifically so that you’ll know that they’re assholes.
I kept almost everything else the same when I moved in, but that had to stop.
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Q11 – Favorite food?
FourchetteRouge asked:
Nothing strategically relevant, eh? What’s your favorite Earth food? (besides braaaains!)
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
Brains aren’t my food, they’re more like my favorite bean bag chairs!
Ralph’s brand maple oatmeal. It has this subtle flavor of not dying a slowl and painful death. I just love it for some reason.
(Actually, it tastes like cardboard and sugar; there are good American cereals; oatmeal ain’t one of them.)
Real answer is probably just croissants. There’s something beautiful about a thing that’s crafted with so much love and effort, just for us to consume.
(Subtle metaphor! But seriously viennoiseries are the best.)
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Q192 – Quantum physics and qualia
i_shall_throwaway asked:
how the fuck do you unify quantum physics with general relativity to produce a quantum theory of gravity that doesn’t have infinities everywhere
how the fuck do you make wormholes and phasers and communicate faster-than-light
as long as im asking an alien to solve longstanding dilemmas in science, it occurs to me that if anyone knows the answers to the hard problem of consciousness its the aliens with universal brain adapters. any insight you shed would be appreciated.
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (23 hours ago):
You’re not going to be happy.
- No idea.
- No idea.
- It’s complicated.
The “hard problem” doesn’t really seem to matter all that much to me? It’s basically navel-gazing, unless you’re trying to decide whether a complicated automaton deserves rights, in which case it’s obviously going to get rights whether it’s conscious or not because you humans are manipulatable as fuck and if the robot makes enough sad sounds you’re going to start empathizing with it even if it’s provably unconscious. You people keep pet rocks, for goodness sake.
As for whether it’s generally plausible that X or Y process is conscious, once it reaches a certain level of complexity…I don’t know. Until a few years ago, my species hadn’t even entered the bronze age. We’re piloting technology we could never create ourselves (and before you get all butthurt remember that you have no fucking clue how your computer works). I can at least say that consciousness is definitely not a black-or-white binary thing; it’s absolutely a gradient.
Also, fun fact: your own brains are a lot more Yeerk-like than you think. What it feels like, from the inside, is something like shepherding a whole bunch of kindergarteners around. You’ve got, I don’t know, modules or sub-organs or clusters of whatever, and they’re all more-or-less autonomous, and they’re all engaged in this up-and-down sort of communication that involves a whole lot of bullying and coercion. There’s a lot of processing that goes on distributed throughout the body, enough to be called conscious at least in a weak sense, and it’s pretty ruthlessly ruled by the brain. You don’t notice, because you only identify with and consciously perceive the brain’s top-down perspective, and when it disagrees with the body it makes its own reality. Like, your brain thinks your hand ought to be here, and your hand gets sensory data from the environment and is all “No, I’m actually over there,” and your brain (or your spinal cord, really) goes WTF, move, and the hand moves.
(This gets especially nuts with things like vision, where your brain predicts that the guy in front of you is pulling out a gun, and your eyes are like “no, it’s a wallet.” If the prediction is strong enough, it can straight-up drown out the “no, it’s a wallet” signal such that you really actually see a gun. Like, you will remember a gun, and if somebody was playing back an image constructed from your memory, they’d see a blurry gun-wallet hybrid, even though there were no gun-photons and only wallet-photons.)
I’m sitting on top of all of this, as it’s going on, and I can sort of squint at and sample what’s happening, and if I need the signals to change I just…overwhelm the existing ones. It takes a while to get the hang of it, and really I rely on Alexandre’s brain to do something like 95% of the work, but Alexandre was also relying on his brain to do 95% of the work. Alexandre is like a thin layer on top of a bunch of control systems, that are themselves on top of a bunch of control systems, that are on top of a bunch of control systems, and to the extent that he’s conscious, they’re conscious a little. Like, they can cause him to take actions, cause him to feel emotions, seize direct control over his body, that sort of thing.
Ugh. I’m not explaining this well, and it’s a tangent anyway. I’m going to stop there.
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Q811 – what Alexandre wants?
NanoSadistToxicology asked:
I have a question for Alexandre, actually. What does he want to have happen to you? What does he want for himself?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (22 hours ago):
Alexandre here (believe it or not). Sorry, I’m not very creative. At various times, I’ve wanted to see Starratt chopped up, burned, served à la Bourguignonne alongside escargot, covered in salt, etc. etc.
Probably the cleverest I’ve come up with is just burying him in a giant vat of oatmeal, so he’d never die but also never get out, and just be stuck blind and immobile forever.
I’ve also had (quite ridiculous) fantasies of seizing control of my body and shooting through my head with the laser gun, exceeeeept this is actually biologically impossible, so buggers.
More serious: I have not really thought about it in “plan” terms. I want to be free again. Then I’ll make my own decisions. I’ll get to feel what I want in my own body, on my own terms. I’ll get to have dreams and fantasies and stupid ideas without someone watching all the time, waiting to pick them apart. I want Starrat to suffer, but more than that, I just want this to be over. We will see what happens after.
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Q31 – What is “Good”?
SwastikasButNotTheRacistOnes asked:
What does "good" look like to you? Your answer can take the form of defining good or laudable acts, describing a good society, or expressing what makes another person or individual good. How does that conception of good square with that of your hosts and how do feel about your hosts conception of good? As a corollary feel free to answer the same questions for "bad".
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (19 hours ago):
*Sigh.* This again. I guess it depends on what “good” you mean? Like, when someone says “wow, this is a really good fruitcake!” it’s a valid english sentence, but it’s obviously not the same good you’re talking about. There’s the level of “what gets me my dessert” and then you have “what keeps my parents happy with me” and then “what do my peers approve of” and then “what do I approve of when I am alone in the dark” and then eventually (some of you) get to the level of “what should I approve of such that it both convinces others to approve of it to and also that, if it works, the outcome will be one we all still approve of.”
Mostly ethical thinking is a process of internalizing social norms and outside pressures into your own thinking. It often boils down to “treat others as you would have them treat you” but the details can vary from culture to culture.
So the Yeerk conception of “ethics” and “good” would be pretty similar to yours on some points (though pools are a cultural entity MUCH stronger than most tribes). Killing is bad, stealing is bad, things that spark never-ending spirals of escalation are bad, etc. The main difference is probably in circle-of-concern…human culture taken at a glance seems to have this trend of an ever-expanding circle-of-concern, with you guys outgrouping fewer and fewer things and consistently seeing (or imagining) benefits from it. That’s less true of Yeerk society. Our ingroup-outgroup boundaries are a lot softer and more porous and more like a gradient than yours, but also we’re a lot less likely to “see ourselves” in completely different species.
Regarding your underlying question “How do you feel about being a monster to your host and the fact that your host thinks you’re a monster”…I’m mostly okay with it? It’s not like my species evolved in a multi-cultural environment where we had to learn to cooperate with and respect different ways of thinking and being. We take what we need, and that’s about as far as it goes.
I guess, all else being equal, I’d somewhat look down on a Yeerk who spent an inordinate amount of time psychically tormenting their host, but that has less to do with “but it’s wrong” and more to do with a) it’s going to have corrosive physiological effects on the host body, b) it’s boring after a while and novelty is close to a terminal goal, and c) it’s somewhat distasteful in the same way a man masturbating in the street is distasteful. There are just better things to do.
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Q31.LF – it IS absolute
ControlGroup9 asked:
>I'm guessing you think of morality as an absolute thing.
It is. It is the set of logical consequences of a certain collection of axioms, including an axiom about empathy. Empathy is what makes morality morality, and not just some sort of rational egoism. The mere fact that you evolved to not recognize this, or that I evolved to recognize it, does not motivate me to change my own position. The only moral response to a species which does not recognize morality is hostility.
>So, sorry not sorry.
Look at you, being an apologist for slavery using flippant idioms from your host's own enslaved intelligence.
Fine, you don't want to die? I get it. So go to a zoo and infest a monkey, if you absolutely must have a host. Hell, go to a hospital and pilot the body of a coma patient. I'll wait. Maybe if you yeerks can show that kind of commitment to minimizing enslavement, we can talk about peace. Maybe.
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (11 hours ago):
That sounds like a cool insult, honestly. "Your mother infested a monkey!" I mean, I could, but a monkey body is a serious downgrade from a human body, and also I would probably die because most monkeys don't sit on caches of maple oatmeal.
>The only moral response to a species which does not recognize morality is hostility.
I'd argue that it's a practical response, not an ethical one, but yeah, I hear you. We had a shot at enslaving the entire planet and reaping the benefits (a huge war machine, relative safety from extinction) and we blew it, and now we're in an awkward position.
Rational egoism + benefits of hindsight tells me we'd have been better off if we'd approached the planet openly, and tried to build a Yeerk-human society based on consensus and cooperation, but I don't delude myself in thinking there's any higher value in ethics than "rational egoism" mixed with a heavy does of "being afraid of revenge" and capitalism. I wish we’d done it that way because it would’ve been more likely to work, not because I give a shit, and I suspect if you dig deep enough, you’ll find the same is true from your end, too.
I’m not saying you should let go of your ethics or forgive us. I’d be happy if you did, but I don’t expect it. But the only power your ethics have over me is the power of the harm you can do to me. Which, given our particular circumstances, happens to be zero. So I’m afraid I go on not giving a shit.
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Q19.F – Slug lives matter
brainsalacarte asked:
>crawl out of his head and die right now
Has literally any living thing ever just laid down and died because it realized there was a moral problem with some aspect of its existence? Has that kind of abstract, disembodied Thou Shalt ever mattered to anyone? Like, what were you even hoping to accomplish there, other than virtue signaling?
Plainly, the only way to solve this problem is to take the third option and find some way for the Yeerks to exist as symbiotes rather than parasites or aggressors. I mean, COME ON, PEOPLE. WE SOLVED THIS ONE, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE VISSER’S BROADCAST.
I mean, shit. Can you imagine being a sapient individual with emotions and hopes and dreams and you’re a slug? A fucking slug? Barely able to move around?
(I do realize this isn’t a question, I just wanted you to see this)
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (4 hours ago):
You’re right and wrong at the same time. The problem isn’t so much being a slug. Being a Yeerk without host…I think it’s pretty close to what humans with total locked-in syndrome feel.
Like, you’re in Plato’s cave with 100 people, and every so often, they unchain one guy who gets to go outside and interact with the world, maybe bring back (metaphorical) food or (metaphorical) fire. For most of you, your only interactions with the outside world are talking with the people who got to go out of the cave. Maybe you spend a lot of time speculating, or preparing questions or instructions and trying to persuade people to agree to them.
Except they’re not reliable. You ask the last “scout” a question ike “Hey, what color were the trees?” and he answers “I didn’t look” or “I don’t remember.” So you make sure to ask the next guy to look at the trees, but other people also have lots of questions, and the scout has only three days to look, and also he’s spent all of his life building up a list of things he’s curious about, if he ever got the chance…
Then you get to be the next guy out of the cave. You can see everything. You can do everything. You have hundreds of questions to answer, hundreds of things to try, including your own. You can interact with the world, and you have a purpose…until three days are up, and then it’s back into the cave.
So yeah. Infestation is awesome. For me.
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Q1222 - Joke
ColonelOneill23 asked:
Can you tell us a Joke, like you would to another Yeerk? Or just something that you personally find funny.
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 hours ago):
Yeerks don’t have a sense of humor except when they infest a creature with a sense of humor.
Um. C'est un mec qui entre dans un café et plouf. Hé hé hé.
(For those who don’t get the joke, it’s like the French equivalent of “A man walked into a bar and said ‘ow.’”)
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Q44 – What would your friends think?
TheCheeseIsMadeOfMoon asked:
You mentioned having human friends, that you respected.
Have you considered “coming out to them”? How do you think they’ll react?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
I did not consider that.
That…I don’t know what they’d say. I mean, there’s also the problem that they’ve never really met me, just me pretending to be Alexandre. Maybe the ones who knew him before and after have a sense of who I am, and…I honestly don’t know how much their opinion would affect me.
We’ve talked about the invasion for, but…eh. Food for thoughts.
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Q1904 – how much is alexandre
burnit92 asked:
fuck you
also how much of your philosophy is your own and how much of it is borrowed from alexander
also fuck you
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 hours ago):
The game theory and sociology bits are mostly from Alexandre and my other hosts. The philosophy is mine.
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Q9 – We all knew it was coming
RiggetyRi-UUUUUURRRPPP-ickRolled asked:
Would you rather control one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (2 days ago):
Neither. Opposable thumbs, man. Best thing since endoskeletons.
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Q16.L – Repair our species’ relationships
ControlGroup9 asked:
>I wish we’d done it that way because it would’ve been more likely to work, not because I give a shit.
Openly admitting that you would totally enslave and exploit us if it were at all practical is not a great way to repair relations with a species that actually does think there is a higher value in ethics (or really any species for that matter). So tell me: if you could modify your biology so that you weren't dependent on another (intelligent) species to accomplish anything, would you do it? Or if you could modify your values so that you actually do value ethics/empathy intrinsically, would you do it, even if only for the purpose of fostering strategic cooperation with humans?
ZombieAsInAlanis answered (49 minutes ago):
I can't speak for my entire species, but personally speaking, my answers are “no” and “maybe.”
(but you’re absolutely on to something)
A full debate on this would include a bunch of information I'm not ready to share, but speaking in broad strokes...intrinsic values aren't really that important to humans. Values and social standards come from arrangements of convenience, and the standards change to follow the practical interests, not the other way around. They matter even less to Yeerks; where human societies change their outlook over the course of decades (eg regarding homosexuality), Yeerk societies change over the course of months (hence the Aftran force in Ventura having Second Thoughts).
If (and it's a big if) diplomatic relationships open, our outlook will matter on a personal and societal level, not on a grand strategy level. I'd argue that outlook doesn't really matter in realpolitik. Most human countries act like impulsive narcissists if we interpret them as coherent entities anyway.
The way it will work is, sooner or later, one of two things will happen:
- Open war will start, until one side is incapable or unwilling to fight any longer (most metropolises will be smoking craters at that point; we have the high ground)
- A country or two will start a program for Yeerk integration. There aren't many of us, so given a 0.1% "integration" rate, a population of 1,000,000 or more would be enough. All the Yeerks in the system could fit within Paris/NY/London (assuming we don't blow them up next; again, not speaking for high command, but I do want to point out it's on the table).
Let's assume everything goes well (it won't, the Visser's a jerk). There will be riots demanding we be all killed or sent off planet somehow, political movements and external pressure by other countries to stop the program. Let's assume they all blow over.
As this point, we'd basically have to hand ourselves over for the infestation program to proceed. No-one would accept it otherwise. We'd have so sign treaties, surrender our fleet and our military secrets to whatever country welcomes us, and put ourselves at their mercy.
At this point, integration becomes less about grand strategy and more about personal relationships. This is uncharted territory, because Yeerks have zero experience with consensual relationships so far. Like, imagine you come from a culture where all men/women you date are slaves. No, really. Take a minute and actually imagine it. That's the socially accepted norm for relationships: a master and a slave. That’s all you know. That’s all you’ve ever known. Nobody’s ever known anything else; there are no conscientious objectors who are ahead of their time and ringing the warning bell. The slave has absolutely no say in how the relationship works, what the master does, whether or when they have sex, when they spend time together, what they talk about, etc. Imagine those relationships are all you know... and then you date a millennial, who thinks relationships should be between equals.
No matter how well-intentioned you are, you're going to make blunders. You’re going to have knee-jerk anger when you’re disobeyed, you’re going to demand unreasonable things, etc. (this should be familiar to domestic abuse survivors)
That's why I'm saying values don't matter that much. Integration will be about Yeerks and humans co-inventing the rules of cohabitation, and learning to respect them. Eventually they will form habits which will become rules which will become an ethics code, and they'll all agree that people like me were awful and they're very sorry about us (and about Ventura, I guess).
And yeah, I guess I could pay more lip service to their future beliefs, help my species' diplomatic relations...but fuck that. I was never much for hypocrisy.
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Chapter 40: Chapter 30: Tobias
Notes:
Author's Note: This is a (small) double update; note that there's an interlude immediately following. Also note that there will be a moderately large revision to the previous interlude coming with the NEXT update, which might be a couple weeks or more out.
Please comment/review, either here or over on r/rational!
Chapter Text
Chapter 30: Tobias
‹Look, I’m not arguing with that, okay? I mean, obviously there’s going to be stuff it isn’t safe or smart to tell me, especially while we’re still in the whole getting-to-know-each-other phase. But the more you can tell me, the better I’ll be able to say things that are actually useful, and the better I’ll be able to analyze the Serenity data for you.›
I cocked my head as the two of us drifted past each other yet again, rising in opposite lazy spirals on the invisible geyser of hot air billowing up from the tarmac. Thàn was in the barn owl morph he’d hastily borrowed from Garrett, looking strange in the daylight, and I felt a tiny, irrepressible twinge of reflexive worry every time I caught sight of him.
‹It’s not my call,› I repeated. ‹If you get caught, or it turns out you’re not trustworthy—›
I broke off. We were nearly three miles up by this point, high enough that we ought to be able to make it to the spot Jake had described with one long, straight glide. ‹Come on,› I said, banking out of the curve and angling my wings as I pointed my beak toward the line of broken, crumpled hills in the distance.
‹It shouldn’t be anyone’s call,› Thàn argued as he fell in beside me, his barn owl wings making no sound at all. ‹What I’m saying is, let’s talk on the meta level for a minute and figure out which things it’s safe to tell me about. Things the Yeerks already know, for instance.›
‹Just because the Yeerks already know it doesn’t mean we want you knowing that the Yeerks already know it,› I countered. ‹And the Yeerks aren’t the only ones we have to worry about information leaking to.›
‹Yes! Exactly. Plus one—that’s the sort of thing I want to talk through. And there are entanglements in the other direction, too—like, obviously you don’t want to only keep quiet when there’s an interesting secret, or the mere fact that you’re shutting up will give it away. What I’m hoping for us to find is the stuff that’s in the intersection of high impact for getting me up to speed and making me useful, and low impact in terms of information security.›
‹You know, you’re starting to sound a lot like somebody who’s looking to weasel as much info out of me as he can,› I grumbled.
‹I’ve already admitted that. It’s not weaseling, it’s—gah. Look. Forget what I sound like. Just listen to the actual advice I’m giving you, separate from your stereotypes, and decide whether they make sense on their own, and then take action accordingly.›
You and Marco are either going to love each other or have some kind of Highlander fight.
But he had a point.
‹Fine,› I said. ‹Give me a minute.›
We flew onward as I thought, gliding gently downward, the air cool and empty, the wind whispering softly through my feathers and silently through Thàn’s.
It had been a while since I’d lined up all of the secrets we were keeping. There were things that we knew, and things that the Yeerks knew, and things that the Chee knew, and things that Paul Evans and President Tyagi knew, and things that everyone knew—
Start from the beginning.
Elfangor. The Yeerks knew we’d made contact with him, but might not realize we had access to his morph or to his memories and personality. Paul would know that, thanks to having morphed me—which meant Tyagi knew it, too—but there was a chance it hadn’t gone any farther than that.
The Chapmans, Cassie’s parents, Jake’s family—all of the people close to us who’d been taken before Ventura. That was mostly irrelevant, now. But the fact that Marco’s Dad and Jake’s brother Tom had been Controllers—and that Marco’s dad still was, along with Ax—
That, plus the overall makeup of the team. Who we were, what our relationships were like. Paul would know most of it, but the Yeerks shouldn’t—
What about when Visser Three pegged you as Tobias in D.C.? And name-dropped Cassie, Rachel, Jake, and Marco?
Okay, fine, the Yeerks knew about most of us. But they probably didn’t know about the new kid, or Tom, or Garrett—
—and we’re going to keep it that way.
What else? There was the Ellimist, or Crayak, or whatever-the-hell it had been, in the Yeerk pool. Paul Evans didn’t know about that; the memory wouldn’t have encoded by the time he’d acquired me, and even though they’d let Tyagi acquire Ax, he hadn’t really been a part of it, so even if Tyagi checked she’d only know that we’d told Ax that something weird had happened—
Unless the god-thing is appearing to other people, too.
I sighed wordlessly.
Moving on—there was all of the stuff we’d put into the broadcast, all the people we’d given the morphing power to, the weird bracelet weapon that Rachel had lifted off Visser Three’s host at the high school, Ax’s little escape pod, the alleged cache of supplies Visser Three had stashed in Alaska—if they were still there, and if they weren’t just a bomb in the first place—the velociraptor morph that Cassie had managed to squeeze out of a cassowary somehow, and the couple of tons of oatmeal that the Chee had purchased and squirreled away—
—oh, right, let’s not forget the ancient invincible pacifist dog robots—
—and self-morphing and using morphs to scan people’s memories and hiding objects in morph—
—well, Thàn already knows about that, he’s been carrying all his own stuff with him all day long—
I sighed again. ‹Okay,› I said, thinking slowly. Definitely don’t tell him about the Chee, definitely don’t tell him about the Ellimist, hold off on telling him about Tyagi or the deadline until you can check with Jake. ‹Um. Let’s see. Without saying anything that gives away too much—›
—but try not to look too stingy, either—
‹—Visser Three claimed he’d left a cache of supplies on an island in Alaska, back around the time of the Ventura impact. Saint Matthews cove, or something like that. We still haven’t checked that out, and Serenity might shed some light on whether it’s worth bothering to. Also, Jake said they were shipping oatmeal to China for a while before we managed to take out the factory, so it might be worth looking there, too. And—›
I hesitated.
Don’t try to be Marco. Just make a decision.
‹—and there was some weird shit going on in Ventura just before the asteroid hit. Uh. About half an hour before. At the YMCA on Huffman Mill, where the Yeerk pool was, and also around Hines Peak outside L.A., and also maybe in the Homeland Security office in D.C.›
‹First off, thanks,› Thàn said. ‹And second—any clues about what kind of weirdness? For when I look at the data?›
‹Uh. Something anomalous. Like, not a transmission, not a morph, not ships moving around. Anything weird would be good to know about, especially if it’s the kind of weird that also shows up somewhere else.›
‹Got it.›
There was a long silence, and then—
‹Tradesies,› said Thàn.
‹Did you just say tradesies?›
‹Yeah. So what? I was looking back over my summaries while we were on the plane, and I realized I forgot to mention something.›
‹Forgot.›
‹Yes. Actually. I had a lot on my mind, if you’ll recall, not least of which was the grenade that your buddy Garrett insisted on holding the entire time. But I remember now. You want to hear it, or not?›
‹Yeah. Sorry.›
‹That ship—the one on Mars, the one we think belongs to the Visser? It flitters all over the place, mostly at random, like he’s trying to make sure his movements aren’t predictable. But there are two places it’s visited over and over again—while not sending any kind of signal—places that aren’t obvious the way that Mars and the back side of the Moon are obvious. One of them looks like it’s an object in orbit around the sun—it’s about as far out as the asteroid belt, and every time the ship visits that region it stops in a spot that’s a little further along, with the delta corresponding to how long it’s been since the previous visit.›
‹You know where that spot is now? You can predict it?›
‹Yeah. It doesn’t give off any signs that Serenity can detect, but I could give you a range for any given date in the future. A probability cone, really, but for anything in the next few months the cone would be fairly tight. And if the military can get some time on the James Webb telescope, we should be able to see that spot with a resolution of about one pixel per hundred kilometers. Not enough to see what it is, but enough to detect that there’s something in there at all, as long as it’s not perfectly black.›
‹Or cloaked. Which it will be.›
‹They have clo—›
I heard an audible screech of frustration as Thàn cut himself off mid-thought. ‹Of course they do. That explains—gah.›
He broke off again, and I glanced over to see that he was flying with his eyes closed in an oddly human-looking sort of way. ‹Anyway,› he continued, his mental voice terse. ‹The other spot isn’t moving in the same way. I mean, it’s moving in an absolute sense—as much as there is an ‘absolute sense,’ anyway—but it’s pegged to the reference frame of the sun, so if you had a coordinate system where the sun was still and the Earth was returning to the same spot every three hundred and sixty—›
‹I get it. Where?›
‹It’s almost exactly where the Earth will be in another hundred and fifty days. About five weeks after the Europa appointment and/or the arrival of Yeerk reinforcements to the system.›
I felt a tingle pass through my hawk body, as if the shadow of a larger predator had just passed over me. ‹That—does not sound good,› I said.
‹No, it does not.›
I was quiet for another hundred yards. ‹And he’s visited this spot how often?›
‹A dozen times at least.›
‹Starting when?›
‹I’ll have to double-check, but I think the first visit was right around Ventura.›
Not good.
But what kind of not good? A trap? A superweapon? Some kind of—of—
My thoughts stuttered, shuddered to a halt. I had no idea. Given what we knew of the Visser, it could be almost anything.
Then again, it’s not going to matter if we’re all dead three weeks from now.
I looked over at Thàn, at the owl body I had come to associate with Garrett. Garrett, who was yet again off on his own, facing unknown dangers without me there to help him, because the greater good called for us to split up.
Oh, come on. It’s just the Chee. They literally can’t hurt a fly.
Unless Visser Three’s dog bribes were enough to get them to bend the rules. If their programming didn’t mind Yeerks, then it might not mind imprisonment-without-trial—
Tobias—
It wasn’t Garrett’s real voice—was just my memory, my stereotype—but it was no less stern for that, and no less effective, either. Okay, okay, I thought. Focus.
‹Thàn,› I said, breaking the silence.
‹Mmm?›
‹How would you defend the Earth against another Ventura?› I asked.
‹Convince whoever’s launching it not to,› he answered promptly.
‹If you couldn’t.›
‹Evacuate. Build an ark, if you have to.›
‹If you couldn’t.›
‹Steal an ark.›
‹If you couldn’t.›
There was a heavy pause as we continued our long, slow descent, moving a hundred feet forward for every fifteen feet of drop.
‹I guess I’d start by asking your Andalite buddy for ideas,› Thàn said softly. ‹Otherwise, I’d have to say there’s not really any defense. Even assuming you could throw up nukes like nobody’s business, it takes a lot of force to move something that big, and if Visser Three was telling the truth about the Ventura rock only getting launched after you guys blew up their pool—well, he got it from wherever it was up to a two hundred and forty thousand k-m-h targeted impact in less than an hour. There’s nothing we have that can stop that. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s nothing they have that can stop that—it’s easier to get a boulder moving than to stop it once it’s rolling downhill.›
There was another long, expectant pause. ‹This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with one of those things you’re not cleared to tell me, would it?› Thàn asked, his voice quiet and hesitant.
I said nothing—only looked out at the horizon, at the brilliant splash of sunset color, orange and purple and red stretching almost halfway around the sky. One of the people we’d recruited had said that the sunsets were prettier all over the country these days, thanks to the lingering dust from the Ventura impact. It was blood, that color—blood and bone and ash, families and friends and houses and neighborhoods, lives and bodies vaporized in a flash, still haunting the skies weeks later. Jake’s dad was up there, somewhere—Jake’s dad, and Rachel’s mom, and every one of the kids I’d left behind at Oak Landing, and every foster family I’d ever stayed with—
‹Something like that,› I said finally. ‹Let’s just get to the others, and then we’ll talk more.›
We flew on in pensive silence.
* * *
I hadn’t really had a chance to savor it, what with the constant stress and impending doom and mission after mission after mission—
But I really loved flying.
Garrett still hated it, so we usually didn’t linger, between cities. And half the time we were just flying to an airport anyway, since sneaking aboard a plane was still the fastest way to cover any distance larger than maybe fifty miles.
But as Thàn and I spotted the final landmark, and banked, and dove—as the world expanded at a hundred miles an hour—as the horizon shrank and the wind howled over my outstretched wings—
It was exhilarating. The freest I had ever felt, a sense of power and potency stronger than anything else—stronger even than being in Elfangor’s body, or the dinosaur’s, or the whale’s. To be able to move that fast, and yet still be so totally in control—capable of snatching a running mouse out of tall grass, of going from a full dive to a complete stop in seconds—
Under different circumstances, it might have been addictive. If—by some miracle—we actually won this war, I might spend the rest of my life doing nothing else. Just living as a hawk, two hours at a time, watching the world from above, beholden to nothing and no one. Even just in bursts here and there, between harrowing missions, it was almost enough all by itself—almost enough to make it all worth it.
Not really, of course. I mean, I’m not a monster. I know how to count to six hundred thousand.
But enough to cover my suffering, at least. Enough to pay the costs that had landed on me, in particular, given that I hadn’t really lost all that much to begin with. It was an incredible technology, an incredible gift—the sort of thing that might make you believe in God, if it weren’t for all the rest of it.
If only it worked past two hours. If only you could morph indefinitely—
Would that have been enough, for the Yeerks? Would it have given them the freedom they needed, the variety of experience they craved? In that other, happier world, could that have been the solution to all of the problems?
Probably not, unless the individual shards could all morph on their own. What would be the point of being able to become one animal for a few hours, when a pool can already become thousands of animals for days at a time?
But then again, who was to say that the technology couldn’t be improved? Seerow—the inventor—Ax had told us he was dead, murdered during the Yeerk’s wild and bloody escape from their homeworld. But there were other brilliant Andalites, and other brilliant engineers in the galaxy. What could Thàn do, given an Iscafil device and the time to tinker?
While you’re at it, why not ask for a million dollars and a pony?
Okay, fine—it was wishful thinking. We were at war, after all. All of the competent engineers were—or soon would be—hard at work either fueling or fending off an interstellar invasion. And it was probably the same among the Andalites, and every other race in this part of the galaxy—
For a second, I felt a rush of anger at the sheer impatience of the Yeerks—at the way they’d rushed headlong into a war, without exploring any of the other options that—I imagined—they’d had available to them. At the loss of all the clever solutions that would never have time to mature, thanks to the time pressure that Visser Three had put us under.
But then I spotted Jake, and the anger passed. There was no point in wishing for a better world—this was the world we had, and we’d either make do or we wouldn’t.
‹Jake,› I said, flaring my wings and dropping down onto the sparse, scrubby forest floor. ‹This is Thàn Suoros, the guy I told you about.›
Still eerily silent, Thàn settled to the ground next to me. Jake nodded to him, and I noticed that he looked more tired than I’d ever seen him, his eyes flat and empty with dark circles underneath.
‹Garrett?› Jake asked privately, as Thàn and I began to demorph.
‹Stashing the cube,› I said, as my feathers began to lighten and run together like melted wax. Beside me, Thàn was growing, his human skeleton stretching inside of his bird skin. ‹He should be here before morning, unless there’s a snag with the Chee.›
‹How about this guy?› Jake said, shifting his gaze to Thàn. ‹You check him out?›
‹Morph check last night, seemed solid. He’s got a hell of a lot of intel, plus a couple of new weapons. Takes initiative.›
‹What’s he know?›
‹Basically nothing yet. Wanted to check with you, first.›
Jake’s lip twisted a little bit, and his eyes flickered toward the horizon. ‹I don’t have much to say,› he said, the exhaustion plain in his voice. ‹You trust him, or not?›
I hesitated.
‹It’s fine either way,› Jake continued. ‹But I’m about to have to say a lot of things in a very small amount of time, and I need to know whether to loop him in or send him to go sit in a corner.›
A whisper tickled at the back of my mind, something Garrett had said yesterday.
He wasn’t waiting for anyone else to save him.
‹We need him,› I said. ‹Loop him in.›
“Thàn,” Jake said aloud.
Thàn gave a garbled, inhuman reply.
“I’m going to talk to Tobias. You should eavesdrop. You’re going to be surprised by some of the things I say. Hold your questions until you’re sure they’re not stupid.”
Another garble, accompanied by a nod of his nightmarish, half-human head. Meanwhile, the parts of me that were human started to thrum with adrenaline. Jake wasn’t normally this brusque, even with people he knew—the last time I’d seen him like this was in the construction site, when I’d recruited Garrett without asking—
“The situation with Tyagi has gone off the rails,” he said bluntly. “First off, somebody figured out that David killed his dad—”
What, I wanted to say, but Jake had told Thàn to hold questions and anyway I didn’t exactly have a mouth yet—
“—or at least, he didn’t show up for his shift and they found a lot of blood and smashed furniture in his apartment. Rachel was first on scene, she got David out before anyone else showed up, took care of the body. When they found out, the base commander went to lock everything down, Ax and Marco’s dad went to leave, Tyagi didn’t let them, Marco threatened to go public about Paul Evans—”
WHAT—
“—eventually, Rachel got everybody calmed down, but basically the stalemate was between Tyagi saying that Marco’s dad was critical and we were clearly out of control, and Marco insisting that we couldn’t trust the system and she’d better not try to constrain our movements. Ax broke the stalemate by agreeing to stay, alone—they’ve got him in a tight-sealed room under active surveillance—and Marco got his dad out.”
“What—”
“Tom’s with Ax—on the outside, in thought-speak range, keeping in touch. That’s how we know—”
Jake broke off to scrub his fingers through his hair, the motion dull and mechanical, like a zombie. Beside me, Thàn finished demorphing and shrugged off his power pack. I did the same, the two clunky backpacks holding themselves upright on the forest floor.
“Ax did something when he set up his comm device,” Jake continued wearily. “Linked it to his escape pod’s computer somehow. He’s able to track all the communications that route through it. And at some point—”
He broke off again, seeming to hold back—what, fear? Anger? Fatigue? Some kind of strong emotion, anyway—
“Tyagi must have morphed Ax. Morphed him and flipped the switch. Somebody contacted the Andalite homeworld, anyway, and Ax says they couldn’t’ve done it just by watching him or mimicking what he’d done. We don’t know what was said, because it was all private thought-speak and encrypted, but—according to Ax, they used the exact same procedure he’d followed a few hours earlier, and then they spent another hour and a half trying to break into the Andalite civilian channels and failing.”
“So she knows—”
“That’s right.” Jake shifted his gaze from me to Thàn. “Thàn. Just so you’re on the same page. This guy Ax talked to, Lirem-Ar-something, he’s the bigwig in the Andalite military. Like, the Petraeus of the Yeerk-Andalite war. And yesterday he told Ax to bring him Visser Three’s head in three weeks or he’d hit the earth with a chunk of rock moving at about point nine five C.”
Thàn said nothing, his eyes widening a bit.
“Anyway, either she didn’t think to check the machine for Ax’s wiretap, or she doesn’t care if we listen in, because Ax was able to hear her follow-up call to Telor. They did, in fact, set up a rendezvous, and it’s only about seventy miles from here. Forty, from the base.”
“When?”
“In about eight hours. We’re not sure what the deal is—the call was short, and all she agreed to was that she would be there, with Ax and Marco’s dad and Temrash and Essak.” His eyes flickered toward Thàn. “Those’re the Yeerks in Ax and Marco’s dad's heads,” he added.
“What—have you—”
“We haven’t heard anything. Tyagi has got a burner phone she can use to call us, but she hasn’t yet. Hasn’t said anything to Ax directly. Hasn’t said anything where Tom could hear. Radio silence, since this morning.”
“What—”
“We don’t know. Marco’s off with his dad, he’s a little distracted, but he didn’t have a clue, either. Closest thing to options we came up with were one, you could go try to talk to her directly, since she already knows you—”
I wouldn’t put it that way—
“—and two, we could head to the rendezvous point now and try to settle into some kind of defensible position.”
“Against—”
“Against everybody, I guess.”
That last sentence was said with so much heaviness that almost without thinking I found myself resting a hand on Jake’s shoulder, despite the fact that we’d never been that sort of friends—
—and that the last time you touched him you broke his nose.
“What—” I began, before hastily breaking off. Not ‘what,’ he’d already said he didn’t know, expecting him to have all the answers wasn’t fair—
“Where are the others?” I asked, starting over. “You said Ax and Tom are still at the base, and Marco—”
“Marco and his dad are around somewhere, talking it out. Rachel’s off with David, doing the same—”
Maybe I was imagining it, but I was pretty sure I could hear blame in his voice, and I winced. David had apparently killed his father, what the fuck—
—well, the guy was an abusive drunk asshole, if Rachel’s on his side it was probably self-defense—
—which was Jake’s problem only because Rachel had extracted him, and Marco had vouched for him, and I had brought him on board in the first place.
“—they’re all due back by midnight, or we can text them if we need them.”
And then at midnight…?
I barely stopped myself from asking. “Okay. So. Uh.”
I glanced at Thàn. “Any questions?” I asked. “Or brilliant ideas?”
“I take it one of you is impersonating Tyagi in D.C.? Given that it sounds like she’s really at Edwards Air Force Base?”
“More or less,” I answered. “That was our solution to get her out of Washington after the Bug fighter crashed. We think the Yeerks don’t—”
I stopped short mid-sentence, my throat suddenly dry.
I’m not sure what exactly connected the dots for me. Maybe it was just that I was looking at Thàn, who’d been observing everything and everyone for months—who was going to use his surveillance data to help us pin down the Yeerks. Or maybe it was Jake’s offhand comment about getting to the rendezvous point early. But either way, a chain reaction had gone off in my head, running through a series of thought-fragments like a fuse and ending with a single, explosive hypothesis.
Yeerks—
Washington—
Impostor—
Security—
Surveillance—
Rendezvous—
“Shit,” I said, and then mentally kicked myself.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said, forcing my voice toward nonchalance as I started morphing into myself as fast as I could. “Never mind. Just—overwhelming, that’s all.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. I tried not to look up at the sky.
“Listen,” I said, trying to cover the awkward silence. “Priority number one has got to be the Andalite threat, right? Like—Ax, the Yeerks, Tyagi, that’s all important, but—we should be focusing on ways to stop them from launching the rock, right?”
Jake nodded tightly. “Marco and I talked about this earlier,” he said. “If we buy what Ax was saying, about that type of attack being unstoppable—”
He paused just long enough to whisper, in thought-speak: ‹Don’t mention the Chee.›
“—then we have to talk them out of it. Way I see it, there are three major lines of attack. First is the propaganda route, but it sounds like Tyagi already tried that and it doesn’t look like it worked—”
“Elfangor might be able to get through where Ax couldn’t,” I pointed out.
“Fair. We should look into that. The other two options are, find some way to end the war now, or convincingly fake Visser Three’s death.”
“What about mad?” Thàn asked.
Jake raised an eyebrow.
“Mutually assured destruction,” Thàn explained. “The Cold War strategy. Are the Yeerks capable of launching a counterattack on the Andalite homeworld?”
Jake nodded slowly. “They should be,” he said. “According to Ax, all it really takes is a hyperdrive and knowledge of where your target’s going to be.”
“So the legitimacy of the threat might hinge on its own secrecy, right? This Lirem character told your Andalite ally, and only your Andalite ally?”
Another nod.
“So, if the Yeerks knew about it—and the Andalites knew that the Yeerks knew, and the Yeerks knew that the Andalites knew that the Yeerks knew—that would be the end of it, right? Otherwise they’re facing an escalating cycle of revenge.”
Jake frowned. “Maybe? If they’re desperate enough, though—they also have the Yeerk homeworld on lockdown, and Elfangor made it sound like the Earth really might be enough to tip the whole balance—”
‹More importantly for right now, though,› I cut in, speaking in thought-speak to both of them, ‹is that I’m pretty sure we’re being watched.›
“Wh—” Jake began, before cutting himself off. ‹What?›
Thàn’s eyes widened again as he looked back and forth between us.
‹I realized about thirty seconds ago,› I said. ‹I was thinking about what you said, about getting over to the rendezvous point early, but then I thought, they definitely have it under surveillance already, humans and Yeerks both, and then I figured—›
‹She knows we can’t be far from the base,› Jake said, horror dawning across his face.
‹And most of this area is open desert, and it’s one of the most high-tech facilities on the planet, plus it’s housing a Bug fighter and the President—›
That was why Tyagi hadn’t contacted us about the rendezvous, even though she would need Marco’s dad—and therefore, presumably, our cooperation—she knew right where Marco’s dad was, and could pick him up any time.
‹—they’ve got to be watching every square inch of the surrounding hundred miles by satellite, right? I mean, if border patrol can pick up illegal immigrants—›
‹All right. You don’t think—crap.›
‹What?› I asked.
‹D’you think the Yeerks have eyes on us? Or on Tyagi?›
“Not…yet,” Thàn said, speaking slowly, as if vetting each word before it came out. “But Edwards—I suppose it’s too much to hope you know the phrase ‘Schelling point’?”
We shook our heads.
“If…rendezvous…there…Edwards…obvious…”
‹Got it,› Jake said. ‹They have no reason to believe Tyagi is here now, but given that she set a rendezvous seventy miles from here, it’s the obvious place to look in, oh, say, about six hours, if you want to spring a trap of some kind. That right?›
Thàn nodded.
‹So what do we do?› I asked. ‹I mean—›
‹Can they read text messages?› Jake asked. ‹Without a wiretap, I mean. Can they just—snatch them out of the air.›
I shrugged, and we both looked at Thàn, who held up his hands. “Don’t look at me,” he said.
‹Can’t be helped,› I said. ‹Worst thing that’ll happen is what’s going to happen in a few hours anyway, right?›
‹If you’re right about this,› Jake said, but he was already pulling out his phone.
‹What’s the rendezvous going to be?› I asked.
‹McDonald’s on Mojave,› he said. ‹That was our fallback from earlier. Actually, no, wait—cameras. The Mojave elementary school.›
‹How far is that?›
‹About twenty-five miles from Edwards. Still time to get to the rendezvous if we decide to go.›
I pulled out my own phone to send an update to Garrett, then hesitated. ‹Thàn doesn’t have any morphs that are small and fast enough,› I said. ‹Neither does David, I don’t think. And Marco’s dad can’t morph at all—›
‹On it. We’ll pull people in.› He held up his phone. ‹‘Urgent,’› he read. ‹’Being watched by sat. Morph small/fast, take those with no small/fast along, demorph/remorph under cover, head to Mojave elementary 25mi WNW of EFB. Stay low, wait for signal. Go NOW.’› Lowering the phone, he looked me straight in the eye. ‹Demorphing now. Once I send this, we’re on the clock, too. Ninety seconds. You sure we’re not overreacting here?›
‹You’re the people person,› I said. ‹Tell me I’m wrong?›
He bit his lip, then shook his head.
‹Okay. I’ll take these two backpack looking things, and Tobias, you can take Thàn. I’ll go northeast, you go southwest—›
‹Hang on,› I said, halting my demorph. ‹Other way around. Jake take Thàn, leave both proton packs with me.›
‹What—›
‹I’ve got a hunch. I’m going to stick around for a couple of extra minutes, and then I’ll follow.›
‹You—›
His thought-speak cut out as he crossed the invisible border between his morph armor and his real body. “Sure?” he asked aloud.
‹No,› I said. ‹But better me than you. I just realized—what if it’s not satellites? What if Nickerson’s out here watching us, or even just some regular Marines? Plus, it’s less suspicious if we’re not all vanishing at once.›
I watched as Jake’s eyes refused to dart around, as he kept them focused on me. “Fine,” he said tightly. Stepping forward, he grabbed Thàn’s arm, and closed his eyes.
‹He’s taking you into his morph,› I explained. ‹It’s weird, but it’s not dangerous. You’ll go unconscious once your head disappears.›
“So, this is just what it’s like around here, huh?” Thàn murmured, as Jake began to shrink and melt and Thàn’s shoulder began to go with him.
‹Not always,› I answered silently. ‹Sometimes, we can actually see the people we’re fighting against.›
* * *
‹Sergeant Nickerson?› I called out, once Jake and Thàn were gone. I was sitting on the forest floor, leaning back against the two proton packs and resisting the urge to keep looking over my shoulder.
‹Sergeant Nickerson, it’s Tobias. I’d love to talk, if that’s okay with you.›
No answer.
‹Anyone, then?› I said, broadening my thought-speak band. ‹Anyone out there with Edwards Air Force Base?›
Silence.
‹Look, I’m going to stick around for another minute or two, but then I plan to disappear, and I don’t plan to make it easy for you to find me again. So unless you want to shoot me with a tranquilizer after I turn into a bird—›
“Sir.”
I didn’t jump, but only barely. The voice had come from behind me, and I stood—slowly—keeping my hands in plain sight.
“Hi,” I said, as I turned around to see two soldiers dressed in desert fatigues, helmets pulled low, M16s held ready but not quite pointed at me. “My name’s—”
“Tobias. Sir. We know.”
I waited, but the soldier didn’t say anything else. “Uh. Take me to your leader?”
The two soldiers exchanged glances. “What are those devices, sir?”
“Weapons. Light weapons—anti-personnel only. Like a wide-angle laser.”
“Please step away.”
I stepped.
The soldier reached for a walkie-talkie attached to his collar. “López,” he said. “Williams. Stay here, stay in touch—we’ll get a tech squad out ASAP.” There was a click of acknowledgement, and he released the walkie-talkie and turned back to me. “Sir. You wanted to talk?”
“To T—”
I paused. I wasn’t sure how tightly controlled Tyagi’s secret was, but it seemed at least possible that these soldiers didn’t know, and there was no reason to change that. “To your commanding officer, if you don’t mind.”
“Concerning?”
“These weapons, for one. Also, a new source of intel about Yeerk movements.”
There was the sound of soft footsteps off to the side, and I turned to see another pair of soldiers emerging from the sparse trees. “Confirmed, the others are all gone,” one of them said. “Horus attempting to reacquire.”
The first soldier—I couldn’t quite make out his name badge, but it looked like it probably said Smith—nodded, then turned back toward me. “Sir. If you’ll come with us, please, and—ah—please don’t turn into anything else.”
* * *
“Tobias Yastek.”
“Madam President.”
“You wanted to speak with me?”
It had only taken forty-five minutes to make it through eight layers of authority. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who wanted to talk.
“Yes, Madam President.”
“About?”
“Three things. Well, four, if you count the two weapons your soldiers picked up, but those are mostly a gift and they’re pretty straightforward. I’m betting it’ll be about thirty minutes before your engineers understand them better than I do.”
“What are they?”
“Early proto versions of alien beam weapons, built by—a scientist.”
“This Tom person you arrived with?”
I hesitated for the tiniest fraction of a second. “Yes.”
“Sit.”
I settled back into my chair, looking nervously around the room. It was a standard sort of interrogation chamber, just like the ones I’d seen in hundreds of movies. There was the gray concrete, the metal table, the harsh blue light, the giant two-way mirror on the wall. They hadn’t handcuffed me or chained me down or anything, but the four drones hovering quietly in the corners by the ceiling each had a menacing-looking cylinder pointed straight at my head—a cylinder that tracked me when I moved as little as an inch.
My last interrogator had left only a few minutes before President Tyagi arrived. She stayed standing as I scooted my chair forward with a metallic shriek, her arms crossed, her eyes sharp and bright.
“Three things,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“What’s the third one?”
I blinked. “Uh,” I stammered. “They’re not exactly in order.”
“Which one are you most scared about bringing up?”
I swallowed.
It was funny. I had pretty much zero respect for authority, and had faced down teachers and doctors and cops and judges and bullies all my life. And in the past couple of months, I had faced death at least a dozen times—death by laser beam, by spaceship crash, by bullet, by alien claw, by suffocation, by frigging giant squid. I’d been transformed, and teleported, and seen an alien god freeze time.
And still I had the jitters.
The last time we’d met, she’d been almost completely focused on Paul Evans—on him, and on the bigger picture, on making a plan. But now, I was the subject of one hundred percent of the attention of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, and I could feel every single one of the years she had on me, and every single scrap of authority I lacked. For the first time, I was starting to understand why even the people who’d absolutely hated Obama and Trump had nevertheless been polite and respectful when they met face-to-face.
The hovering death robots probably have a little to do with it, too.
“If—ah—if the stuff I have to say is pretty secret—”
‹Then don’t say it out loud.›
I jerked. I hadn’t expected her to have morph armor.
“I’m not—uh—”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Just a minute,” I said, and focused, my cheeks burning.
I had demorphed once they’d stashed me in the room, thinking that if I did need to take any sort of drastic action, it would be better to be ninety seconds away from a Cape buffalo than to be three minutes away. There was also the fact that acquiring—and the acquiring trance—only worked in your real body.
‹The part I’m most scared of bringing up, Madam President, is the death threat that the Andalites made.›
‹The death threat that your compatriot Aximili chose not to tell us about,› she said sharply.
‹He told us,› I countered. ‹As adapted to the circumstances, I think that’s entirely fair. It’s not like he kept it from the human race—he just told his teammates instead of a stranger.›
‹Same criticism, then, only this time of human children who ought to know better.›
I frowned, some unspoken objection tickling at the back of my mind. ‹I’m sorry, Madam President—aren’t we all on the same side, here?›
She took in a long breath through her nose, her nostrils flaring. ‹Your teammates entered this base and murdered one of my top advisors!› she said, just one notch shy of shouting.
I winced. ‹I—Madam President, I don’t know much about that. I just got in from—from the east coast, and I only got the quick version before showing up here. But—ma’am—I’ve been Jeremiah Poznanski. I’ve been inside his head. I don’t know if you know the sorts of things bad parents do to their children, but—›
I hesitated. ‹Madam President, imagine it was you. Imagine being young, and helpless, and they keep getting drunk, and they hit you, and they hit you, and they hit you, and then suddenly you—somebody hands you a loaded gun, and you’re twelve, and they come at you again, and you just—›
I broke off again. ‹If it were you, Madam President—can’t you see that you might run? That you might not trust, that—that if you turned yourself in, that everything would be okay?›
‹The rest of you should know better. You’re colluding to keep this minor out of the hands of the authorities. And as for the wrongs Jeremiah may or may not have done to him, it was you who paraded him on stage during your broadcast—›
‹We had to starve the Yeerk out of him one way or another—›
‹The broadcast was irresponsible, not to mention unilateral—›
‹You knew about it! Sergeant Nickerson came from Paul!›
‹—an act of overt terrorism on United States soil—›
‹—we didn’t hurt anybody at that factory—›
‹—not to mention that you have unleashed hundreds of superpowered individuals into the general population—›
‹Madam President.›
She paused, looking down at me, her face carved from stone.
‹Madam President—›
I had to swallow three times before I could force the words out, even in thought-speak. ‹Madam President, I’m not here to be lectured. And—I bet you’re not here to lecture me, either.›
For a split second, her eyes were Dracon beams. But then—
‹Yes. You’re right. But you have to understand that your actions are not without consequences. You are a child, Tobias. Your friends are children. Your actions—they have been reckless, and they have cost the lives of hundreds of thousands—›
‹That isn’t f—›
‹—and they may cost the lives of seven billion if you do not come into the fold.›
I blinked. ‹The—fold?›
‹Yes. Give up your sources, give up your technology, rejoin the larger human race. Stop fighting this fight alone and unaccountable.›
‹Madam President—›
I took in a deep breath. ‹Madam President, am I to understand that you would allow us to keep fighting? That you would fold us into the existing command structure?›
‹Yes. Absolutely. You have perspective, you have experience—we would be fools not to take advantage of it.›
I paused, suddenly feeling like I was stumbling through a pitch-dark room where the walls were made of razors. ‹I—um—sorry. Give me a minute?›
She said nothing, made no movement—just looked at me.
Okay. So—
She could just be outright lying, for one. Probably was lying, actually—from her perspective, she was justified in saying just about anything to get access to Ax, the cube, Essak, and everything we knew or suspected about the bigger picture, and once she had us she had basically no reason not to keep us under lock and key while the grownups took care of business.
Would that be so bad?
I mean, it wasn’t bad for grownups to be taking care of business too—that was the whole point behind the broadcast, and behind me and Garrett doing our recruiting runs.
But if we were taken out of the picture...if there was no more reason for them to listen to us, except when they happened to feel like it…
I do not know the future, Elfangor had said, the words burned into my memory like a brand. But I have seen its broader strokes, and can rank possibility far more finely than you would credit. This meeting was not by chance, and if there are few paths to victory, at least be assured that you walk upon the widest.
The problem was, everything Elfangor had said was just as compatible with us teaming up with the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES as it was with us continuing to strike out on our own. Even if he was right, and we did have some kind of actual, important destiny—what was to stop this from being it?
The Ellimist? The Chee?
Tyagi cleared her throat.
‹I’m sorry, Madam President,› I said. ‹I’m not authorized to make a decision like that, and even if I were, I’m pretty sure it would have to be ‘no.’ The U.S. military is just too big and too easy of a target. It’s going to be the first thing that the Yeerks compromise or destroy once they start moving again.›
‹Unless we convince them not to start moving again,› Tyagi snapped. ‹Unless we sue for peace—a suit that you so-called ‘Animorphs’ might scuttle before it ever has a chance!›
‹Sue for peace?› I repeated. ‹Why would they accept any kind of settlement when they have the upper hand in—in—everything?›
‹Not just a settlement,› she said. ‹An alliance.›
I felt my jaw drop open.
‹The Andalite threat,› she continued, her mental voice hot and tightly controlled. ‹My science advisors confirmed what Aximili had to say—it is plausible, it is real, there is nothing we can do to stop it. Even if we were to successfully assassinate the Visser, what’s to stop them from saying ‘thanks’ and then wiping us out anyway? If Paul’s account of what happened in the construction site is accurate, they’ve already threatened to do it once before.›
She leaned forward, placing both of her fists knuckle-down on the table, looming over me. ‹There is no guarantee that we can turn the tide through propaganda,› she said. ‹Even if we could access their civilian communications, they are pressed on all sides and frightened. They might flip the switch out of sheer panic. The only possible safeguard is mutually assured destruction, and the only way to secure that is through the Yeerks.
‹You’re going to tell them,› I said, the words as much for my own benefit as for hers.
‹Yes.›
‹What’s to stop them from—from strip mining us? From taking as many humans as they can, and just leaving?›
‹Nothing at all,› Tyagi replied grimly. ‹But then at least the maximum possible number of humans will have been saved. And better for us to enter into a partnership willingly, and gain as many concessions as we can, than to simply be slaves forever.›
She straightened and began pacing, her eyes flitting back and forth between nothing and nowhere. ‹The tide was turning in Ventura,› she said. ‹The Visser may have spun that up out of sheer cynical manipulation, but it was true. We have evidence to support it. They were learning from us—they were becoming more like us.›
She turned back to me. ‹But that process takes time. And it has to happen now—before a generation of slaves grows up not knowing any better—perhaps literally incapable of thinking it should be any other way.›
‹I—›
I didn’t know what to say.
‹I’m going to offer them an exchange,› she said. ‹If they promise to publicly commit to mutually assured destruction with the Andalites, then I will publicly push for the freedom to voluntarily incorporate. A voluntary infestation program—if not in the United States itself, then at least with U.S. backing and U.S. support.›
She fixed me with a glare. ‹But in order to take that step, we need to establish credibility first. Begin a true dialogue, open reliable channels. That means we need to follow through on the promise to return Essak, and possibly Temrash—›
‹Temrash is all that’s keeping Ax from losing his mind,› I interjected. ‹You can’t just—›
‹If I don’t have Peter Levy, I very much will,› Tyagi said. ‹In fact, I might simply give them Aximili, if that’s what it takes to save the entire planet from destruction. Since, I assume, you still aren’t interested in turning over the morphing cube so that we can get to work on duplicating it.›
The objection that had been growing in the back of my mind finally snapped into focus, found words to express itself. ‹You’re acting as if the entire Yeerk species is like Temrash and Essak and Aftran,› I bit out. ‹You’re acting like—like they’re reasonable, like we understand them, like we’ve figured out how their morality works. And you’re forgetting the Visser.›
‹I am not,› she snapped, and for a moment my objection wanted to run and hide. ‹But sometimes you must make compromises, and a credible threat to the entire planet is one of those times. I am aware that the Visser killed six hundred thousand of my citizens. But your Andalites are threatening to kill us all. Between that and the Visser, I’ll take the Visser.›
This time, it was my own memory that floated up, unbidden—my own words I heard echoing in my head.
Maybe a few billion dead humans is exactly what the galaxy needs.
I could see it—the path forward, one forced move after another, first this concession, then the next, then the next, always with the threat of extinction held up against the cost of cooperation. And I could see where it would end—the same place it always ended, unless some greater, outside force intervened—with the tyrant getting everything he wanted, and the victim losing everything he had.
Some greater, outside force—
No. Now was not the time to start trusting in the gods that had been willing to let Garrett die for nothing.
Jake. I needed Jake, and Marco—needed to talk this through with them, formulate a plan—a response. We needed to be at this rendezvous, and we needed to be ready.
For—
For—
‹You said you had two other things to say?› Tyagi asked. ‹We’re under a bit of time pressure, here, if you hadn’t noticed.›
‹We—you already—sort of covered one of them, Madam President,› I said weakly. ‹Ah—the last one—I mean, the first one—›
I trailed off, shaking my head to clear away some of the shock and confusion. ‹We’ve encountered a new source of intel,› I said. ‹It provides data on the location and movements of every Yeerk force in the system.›
‹What?›
‹Every ship, every communication, with a record stretching back to January. You could know where the Bug fighters are at all times, send nukes up to the mothership—anything you wanted. Advance warning of how many ships are showing up to this rendezvous, for instance.›
Tyagi blinked, and behind her eyes I could see her thoughts churning at a hundred miles per hour.
‹Also—this intel tells us they have a base camp on Mars, and—›
—gamble—
‹—a cache of useful supplies in the water between the larger and smaller islands of Saint Matthews, in Alaska.›
Tyagi’s eyes narrowed.
‹It’s the same source of intel that built the weapons,› I added. ‹In case you want—I dunno—proof of quality, or whatever. Madam President.›
There was a long and pregnant silence, broken only by the quiet hum of the death drones in the corners of the room.
‹Control over this source of intel,› Tyagi said abruptly. ‹And Peter Levy comes to the rendezvous. In exchange, Aximili is free to go, and we don’t pursue David Poznanski.›
I’m not authorized to agree to that, either.
—was what I was supposed to say. But then again—
The sort of person who does the right thing, even if it’s hard.
Thàn Suoros wasn’t a part of our team. Not yet. And he wasn’t trying to be, either—not like David. If he could do the most good here, as a part of the U.S. machine—
He would want to.
And Jake would agree to it—if I told him it was the best option.
But can you trust her?
I looked up into her eyes again—the eyes of a general, or a warlord, or an oracle.
‹Okay, Madam President. It’s a deal.›
* * *
‹You’re sure none of them followed you?›
‹I mean, no—I’m not certain. But we went under sky cover like four different times, and I don’t see any random birds around.›
Or random anything, really. It was fully dark out, and the lizard morph I was wearing didn’t see so well at night. But it was cold-blooded, which meant if anyone was trying to track me with heat-seeking technology, they had their work cut out for them.
The others were similarly invisible, scattered around the area in God-knows-what morphs, all undercover, all in thought-speak range. The only exception was Marco’s dad, who had donned a wig and an unlit cigarette and was circling the block, guarded by Marco in some unknown form that, he said, was perfectly capable of firing a shredder accurately.
‹All right. What happened?›
I filled them in in broad strokes as quickly as I could.
‹Marco here. Did they say anything about security at this rendezvous?›
‹I wasn’t exactly in a position to ask. Once she agreed to let Ax out, we just booked it.›
‹Should I even be here for this?›
‹Who’s that?›
‹Oh, sorry—it’s Thàn. I just—I mean, if you guys are about to make a whole bunch of secret plans, should I just—go?›
‹Jake here. Are you down with heading in? You don’t have to go, if you don’t want to.›
‹No, Tobias made the right call. I’ll just—before I go, I’ll demorph and give you guys the Marauder’s Map. I’ll—uh—I’ll leave it under one of the picnic tables.›
‹The what?›
‹Oh, come on,› said a voice, and even in thought-speak I could tell it was Rachel. ‹It’s obviously going to be a tablet or something that lets us look at the Serenity data.›
‹Bingo.›
‹Was that—›
‹Thàn again, sorry. You know, you guys should really use radio norms—›
‹We know. Says Marco. Back to business—are we excluding Thàn from this conversation or not? Over.›
Silence.
Or maybe a private exchange between Marco and Jake—
‹Thàn. Head out. Thanks for everything, and if this doesn’t blow up in everyone’s faces, we’ll try to be in touch. Over.›
‹Roger that.›
I skittered to the edge of the rooftop, hoping to see a bird take flight or a dog go running or something, but nothing caught my eye.
‹All right. Who’s got stuff to say?›
‹Chee,› I put in.
‹What about them?›
‹What are we doing with regards to telling them or not?›
‹They’ll find out soon enough, won’t they?›
‹Do we think it’ll matter to them that we didn’t tell them ourselves?›
‹Can we even trust them right now? What with Visser Three’s dog bullshit?›
‹We don’t know if that’ll have any kind of effect on them. We don’t even know if they know about it yet.›
‹Come on, we noticed and they didn’t? Puh-lease.›
‹What’s a Chee?›
‹Indestructible non-violent dog robots from the year ten thousand B.C.›
‹What—›
‹That’s a legit summary, we’ll explain the rest later.›
‹You know, I just sent Garrett to them this morning,› I said, trying to control my rising swell of anxiety. ‹If we were having reservations that were this strong, I like to think somebody would’ve said something sooner. Also, can we please say who’s talking? I have no idea what’s going on, over.›
‹Jake here. Do it. Over.›
‹Rachel. Are we telling the Chee what’s going on, or not? I vote yes, if the Yeerks are about to find out anyway. Over.›
‹Marco. I agree. At the very least, it gives us a chance to ask if they can do anything to shield the Earth, which they probably can’t but we’d sure feel dumb for not even checking. Over.›
There was a long pause.
‹David here. Um. Hi. If—uh—if this—plan—doesn’t work. If the Andalites go through with it. What—um—what are we going to do?›
Another pause.
‹Over. Sorry.›
‹Marco here. We spend our last few days having fun, and then we die. Over.›
‹Tom. What about getting off planet?›
Another silence, this time one that didn’t just feel like someone had forgotten to say over.
‹I mean, there are ships—right?› Tom continued. ‹There’s a whole galaxy out there. Do we—I mean, would we want to—to try to—you know.›
Tom’s thoughts faltered and gave out. ‹Over,› he said at last, in barely more than a whisper.
‹Tobias here—› I began, before someone cut me off.
‹No. I mean—sorry, Tobias. This is Jake. Just—um—wait a bit, okay? Let everybody think for themselves first.›
I felt a quick snap of frustration, but it faded almost immediately, replaced by the realization that I hadn’t actually thought it through myself—that I’d been about to answer out of reflex rather than reflection.
What’s the right answer? I wondered.
What would Garrett do?
You mean, what would Garrett do as he tried to figure out how to live up to the fake version of you that he idolizes?
Sure, whatever, if I wanted to be cynical as fuck about it. More like, what would Garrett do if he’d grown up in a world where right and wrong actually mattered—actually existed?
Phrased like that, the answer was immediately clear:
You don’t save yourself until you’ve saved everyone else.
Even at the cost of the survival of the human species?
But it’s not the survival of the human species. Like Tyagi said, the Yeerks will save as many humans as they can, with or without our help. They’ve probably already exported a bunch of humans without us even noticing—there’s a colony on Mars, remember?
But those humans would all be trapped. Slaves. Unable to free themselves—
Sure, talk yourself into it. But are you really going to pretend that there’s no better, more effective way to set up emancipation than that? Is your direct, personal involvement really the most likely path to a better future, given a bunch of Controllers fleeing an exploding Earth?
Well, there had been a prophecy—
No. What there was was a dickhead alien pushing everybody else around like pawns. There’s no such thing as prophecies, just people making shit happen or not.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
All right, fine.
When you put it that way…
There was no reason for us in particular to be the ones getting saved. There was maybe an argument for Ax, as the first ever voluntary, cooperative Andalite-Yeerk alliance. But the rest of us were not special—we weren’t even the only morphers, anymore.
‹Tobias here,› I said, and then paused in case anyone had an objection.
No one spoke. ‹I vote no. If the ship goes down, we go down with it. Over.›
‹Tom. I’ll stay if everyone else is staying. Over.›
‹Rachel. I think—if we have an exit strategy—if we can tell ourselves, it’s okay, we’re safe, no matter what—I think that we won’t—won’t try as hard. We’ll want to, we’ll think we are, but we won’t quite. Over.›
‹David here,› said David, sounding slightly panicked. ‹Hang on, is this turning into a voting thing? Over.›
‹Jake here. Not a vote. A discussion. Over.›
‹A discussion about whether we should all have a suicide pact? Over.›
‹David—›
‹I didn’t sign up for this!›
‹Neither did the seven billion other people who’re going to die if we can’t stop this,› I broke in. ‹We’re trying to save everyone. We’re trying to make it so no one has to die. Over.›
‹But in the meantime, if we can’t stop it, we’re just going to—what, not escape?›
‹Rachel here. David, it’s not like we have ships just lying around. Over.›
‹They have ships! The Yeerks, and those military guys, too! Why don’t we steal one?›
‹Where would you even go?›
‹I don’t know. Somewhere where they aren’t throwing frigging planets around?›
‹David, this is Jake. Calm down, okay? We don’t have to decide this right now, and we’re not going to make a final call without giving you a chance to say your piece—›
‹I don’t have a piece, I just don’t want to die—›
‹Jake’s right. Uh, says Marco. We’ve got more important stuff to talk about, like the interstellar parlay that’s happening in—what—a little under six hours? Over.›
‹Tom here. Are we going? Over.›
‹Marco. My dad says he’s definitely going, over. Or—crap, sorry—that means I’m going, too. Over for real.›
‹Aximili. I, too, would like to go. And it may be that I can be of some value in the conversation. Over.›
‹Jake here. I’ll be present. Over.›
‹Rachel. I’m going to hang back, talk with—I’m going to sit this one out. Over.›
‹Jake again. Rachel’s in the reserves. Tom? Tobias? In or out? Over.›
‹Tom. I’ll go reserves, if you guys don’t mind. It sounds like—with Essak—I don’t want to get anywhere near another infestation site. Over.›
‹Jake. Roger that. Rachel, you can handle the map thing that Thàn left, and keep us up to date if anything looks funny? Over.›
‹Roger.›
If I’d been in human form, I would have bitten my lip. I wanted to hang back—to be there when Garrett finally got in, to make sure he made it back. But after talking with Tyagi earlier, and Thàn before that—
‹Tobias here. I’m in, over.›
God dammit, Garrett. You’d better fucking be okay.
Chapter 41: Interlude 11
Chapter Text
Interlude
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Time left: 21 days 4 hours (Wednesday 12:00PM)
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Chapter 42: Chapter 31: Jake
Notes:
Hello, everyone. Sorry it's been so long between updates—work at CFAR has continued to be time-consuming, and in addition I've started an ambitious group house, published a set of 30 rationality essays on the new LessWrong, started official work on my kids' rationality bootcamp thanks to a grant from CEA, and generally been running around in need of a Time Turner, a clone, and a Time Turner for the clone.
I'm on vacation for the next eight days, though, so there's a chance I'll actually manage to squeeze in one or two updates before December 31st. Next chapter is Marco, followed by Rachel.
By the way, I know I don't really deserve it, since the updates have been super spotty, but if you have the time to leave a comment or a review, I'd particularly appreciate it this month. If you model me as feeling pretty much exactly like [the tone of this chapter], you won't be far off. As always, your words are a treasure (including the negative ones, so long as they're constructive), and they keep me going.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST: the "CouteauBleu interlude," Interlude 10, has finally been updated and polished into its final form. You won't lose much if you skip the reread (no major plot changes) but I do believe it's stronger than it was, thanks to Couteau's help.
Happy reading!
Chapter Text
Chapter 31: Jake
‹I—what—Jake?›
I felt the ripple of shock pass through her, the scrambling confusion like slipping on ice.
‹Jake—is that you?›
‹Yes,› I answered.
Her disorientation deepened as she reached for her muscles, her eyes, and found the way blocked, her body still and unresponsive. I said nothing, an odd reluctance tugging at the back of my mind, an unsympathetic unwillingness to help as she struggled to put together the pieces.
‹Wha—where am—what’s going—what?›
‹You’re a morph, Cassie.›
I watched as the words produced a rush of understanding, followed—as always—by a spike of sickly fear.
Here it comes.
‹Am I—›
‹Yes,› I said bluntly.
I was being callous, cruel—noticed myself being cruel, and yet had no energy to spare to walk it back. Inside our shared head, the copy of Cassie withered, buckling beneath the weight of the revelation. I felt her despair as it welled up, thick and sticky and black—watched the frantic tumble of her thoughts as she searched desperately for words that she would allow herself to hear, to think, to say.
But on my end—
Only impatience.
Not the kind of impatience that motivates you to speed things along. Not the kind that makes you want to help. The kind that’s made up mostly of judgment, of annoyance—of waiting for the other person to screw up, to justify the contempt you’re already feeling. We’d been here fifty-four times before, the two of us, and the cut scene—
The cut scene just wasn’t doing anything for me anymore.
‹My parents—›
‹We don’t know,› I said, cutting her off again. ‹Supposedly in Washington. But they were dropped off by Visser Three, as bait, and we don’t know what shape they’re in, and we can’t afford to go get them out.›
She flinched—shrank—curled inward on herself like a kicked puppy, and even through my exhaustion I felt myself responding, felt a flicker of sympathy and remorse—
Oh, please.
The voice was Marco’s—Marco at his coldest, Marco as I imagined him when I thought about the future, about what he would be like if this went on for another year, the last shreds of humanity burned away, leaving only a skeleton of iron resolve.
It was there to protect me, that voice. To remind me that it made no difference, in the end. That whether I helped or not, comforted her or not—whether she recovered from the blows I was giving her or just collapsed entirely—that either way, this version of Cassie had less than an hour to live. Then I would shove her back, like I always did—back down into oblivion, into nothingness, into un-being.
I had done it before, after all. Fifty-four times, since that first night after Ventura. And after fifty-four times—it would have horrified me, if someone had told me six months ago, but after fifty-four times—
There was a part of me that was curious.
That wanted to see.
How she would react.
To see if anything would be different, if I said nothing. If I wasn’t kind. Wanted to see how she would make sense of it—how she would fit it into her eternal, unchanging impression of me.
I wouldn’t have done it just from curiosity. Or at least, that’s what I told myself. But I was so very, very tired, and with every morph she seemed less and less like a real person, and in the end, it was just—easier—not to care. I hated myself for it, but it was a token, halfhearted hatred, too thin to use as fuel.
‹Was it bad?› she asked quietly.
I could feel her rallying, under the surface—twisting out from under the pain, looking for something else to latch onto, something to distract herself.
‹It was quick,› I said. ‹There was a mission—to the Yeerk pool. And—›
I imagined explaining it all over again, as I had so many times before—the god, the meteor, the Bug fighter, the broadcast—
‹—there was a fire. You went back to try to save some of the people in the cages. And then the Yeerks blew everything up.›
She was firming up, as the words sank in. Recovering. Straightening. Hardening. A ray of quiet pride cut through the despair, bright and golden, and her shock began to melt as a low glow of warmth and concern kindled underneath.
‹Is everyone else—›
I broke in, cutting her off. ‹Cassie, I need to ask you something.›
The shift was instantaneous, frictionless, total. It was too fast for words, but if there had been words—
Jake is hurting, some part of her had decided. Must be hurting, or I wouldn’t be so short, so brusque, so cold.
I was hurting, the copy of Cassie thought, and that meant she had a job to do.
‹What’s up, buttercup?› she asked, her tone a deliberate balance between casual and concerned.
And just like that, we were back on script. Back to the Cassie of yesteryear, the Cassie who never grew, never changed. A Cassie who’d never made it to the mesa, who hadn’t lived long enough to choke on the ashes of Ventura, who didn’t remember slaughtering a bear just because she couldn’t keep it all inside any longer. A Cassie who honestly thought she might be a terrible person because once in a while she only did the right thing reluctantly.
(In the back of my head, Marco’s laughter echoed, dark and empty and cold as deep space.)
I could still see her fear and hurt, writhing beneath the surface like a live electrical wire, but they were under control now. Deprioritized. Set aside, along with her confusion and disorientation. The mere fact of it set my teeth on edge, started a slow boil in my blood, and it took a long moment for me to understand why—
That was how she’d gotten herself killed in the first place.
Not by being generically stupid, but by actively not thinking. By retreating from reality, running backwards from a thorny, confusing, impossible situation until she found something simple and straightforward—something unambiguously good, according to her own private moral code. By dodging the hard question, and replacing it with something clear and actionable, even at the cost of her own life—
I hated it. Hated her, in that moment—for abandoning us, for deserting, for cheating and tagging out while we still needed her. For leaving us to deal with the real problems, while she went off and satisfied some selfish need to feel good about herself, for putting herself first—
You mean like when a certain fearless leader charged straight ahead into the Yeerk pool and got himself killed?
‹…Jake?›
‹There’s a meeting,› I said abruptly. ‹In about four hours. Out in the desert. President Tyagi, and Telor, they’re planning to make a deal—›
‹Who?›
I felt a surge of hot anger, drowned it in a wave of ice. ‹The next highest Yeerk under Visser Three,› I lied, reaching for the simplest possible explanation. ‹They’re maybe interested in—in mutinying, and there’s a decent chance we might be able to strike a deal—›
I faltered, unable to get my thoughts into an order that the copy of Cassie would understand. Essak and Marco’s dad, Temrash and Ax, the kid David and his dead father, the missions Tobias had been running to Tyagi and Paul Evans and Thàn Suoros, the Andalite Chancellor’s threat and the President’s plan to turn the war cold again—at the cost of humanity’s independence—and our half-dozen half-baked ideas on how to assassinate Visser Three—
Hell, this version of Cassie didn’t even know about the Chee.
‹There are a lot of moving parts,› I said. ‹Point is, we have a shot at peace—›
—Cassie’s heart swelled with emotion, and I felt a corresponding wash of disdain, followed by an echo of self-recrimination that managed to be just a little bit too small—
‹—real, actual peace, but only if the Yeerks don’t betray Tyagi, and Tyagi doesn’t betray the Yeerks, and the Andalites listen to reason, and Visser Three isn’t somehow in the loop and ready to take us all down. And even with all of that, it at least means setting up a voluntary infestation program, and might eventually mean going to war with the Andalites instead.›
‹Wh—I mean, I don’t—›
I sighed and said it all again with different words, filling in more of the background as I held back my rising—and utterly unfair—irritation.
Why are you even going through the motions here? my imaginary Marco asked. It’s not like it’s going to change anything.
Shut up, I whispered—as if there really was a Marco there, as if I wasn’t just talking to myself. I didn’t know why I was doing this—didn’t have the energy it took to justify myself, not even to myself. I’d been acting on instinct, following a sense that I just needed to hear—
—something—
‹I don’t understand,› Cassie said finally, once I had finished explaining. ‹What is it you—I mean, what were you wanting to ask?›
If it had been the real Cassie—or any real human, for that matter—I might have hesitated, tried to put things in a good light, to find words that wouldn’t make me look stupid or silly or naïve. But in this case—
Fuck it.
‹We’re thinking of betraying everybody before they can betray us first,› I said. ‹I was—curious, I guess—what you thought of that.›
There was a stunned and hollow silence, as if the words had been a slap.
‹Why?› she asked slowly, her felt sense a dark swirl of confusion and dismay.
‹Uh. Since it looks pretty much impossible that nobody’s going to try to pull something sneaky—›
‹No,› she said, cutting me off, and in the ripple of her emotions I read her real question—not why betrayal but rather why are you asking ME?
‹Oh,› I said. ‹Uh. Well.›
There was another long silence.
‹Is this—a thing you do?› she asked, her voice excruciatingly, infuriatingly gentle. ‹Do you—um—wake me up for this sort of thing? Like, a lot?›
‹No,› I said, holding myself back from gritting our teeth. ‹This is the first time, actually.›
‹Well,› she continued, still soft. ‹Um. Don’t you already—I mean, don’t you know what I’d say?›
And then, still in words, still every bit as audible though not actually directed at me—
Does he just need to hear somebody say it?
‹You don’t understand,› I said. ‹That’s not—you don’t know how bad it’s gotten—›
‹Then why are you asking me?› she shot back—still gently, but with a hint of rebuke in her tone, a tiny glint of steel. ‹What if I say no? Will that make any difference?›
It was a good question.
It was also one I didn’t know how to answer.
‹No,› she said, after the longest silence yet. ‹No, Jake. You can’t just—that’s not how you—how we—›
She broke off, unable to find the right words, the thought continuing in a jumble of impulses and images that churned beneath the surface.
That’s not what we stand for, I imagined her saying, as I ran the feelings through my little black box. If we don’t even give them a chance—if we teach them that all they can expect from us is treachery and betrayal—
‹We can’t afford to be the idealists here, Cassie,› I bit out. ‹The Visser blew up Ventura. The whole county. Half a million people, dead. And now the Andalites are threatening to blow up the whole planet—›
‹But isn’t this about stopping that?› she said. ‹Didn’t you say the Yeerks are the only ones who might be able to stop it?›
‹Unless we take out Visser Three—›
‹Without their help?›
‹We can’t trust them to help, he’s their boss, he could be behind the whole thing—›
‹But the President—›
‹She’s not—›
‹—you said this is the very first peace talk—›
‹You don’t—›
‹—do we really want to be the reason it doesn’t work—›
‹Enough!› I snapped, and then—
—reflexively, before I could stop myself, before I could even think about what I was doing—
—I made her be quiet. Used the Yeerkish morph interface to pinch off the flow of thoughts and words and slam down a wall of silence.
Her raw shock echoed through the link between us, surprise so great that there wasn’t even room for outrage. I felt a surge of shame so thick that it was like my stomach was trying to turn itself inside out—
I crushed it. There was no time for shame. No time for guilt. No time for anything but answers.
‹You don’t understand,› I repeated, as I loosened my grip on her mind. ‹I didn’t—you don’t—it’s not just—›
I sputtered to a halt. I didn’t have the words. Didn’t have the words to make her see, to convey the magnitude of the situation—the astronomical stakes, the paralyzing uncertainty, the confusing, conflicting tangle of constraints. I could see in her thoughts that I had explained it wrong, all wrong—that she still believed the answer was simple, was obvious. That she didn’t—
—that she couldn’t—
—understand the true and terrible cost of failure. That it was too big for her to grasp, this girl who had never really seen war. That she was retreating from it, falling back on Sunday school certainty.
‹I think I do understand, Jake,› she said quietly. ‹I think I get it every bit as much as you do, and you just don’t want to hear what I have to say.›
‹You haven’t seen it, Cassie,› I ground out, even as the Marco in my head whispered that it was hopeless, that I was wasting my time, that there was no point in trying to convey what couldn’t be conveyed. ‹The people screaming in their cages—›
Uh, wait a second. You don’t actually remember that, either, Jake—
‹—the dust blotting out the sun, the blood that still sticks to your hands even after you demorph. You haven’t been there when it’s kill or be killed—›
‹That’s what morals are for, Jake,› she cut in. ‹They’re there because it’s easy to talk yourself into it. Because it’s easy to lose perspective, to make excuses, to do things that—things that can’t—that lead to everything falling apart. That’s why we have rules of engagement, and war crime tribunals, and Geneva conventions—›
‹They killed my parents, Cassie. My parents, and my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle, and everybody we went to school with—›
‹I watched them take my mother and father,› she countered. ‹But that’s the point. You can’t be like them, Jake. You can’t just look and think, oh, it’d sure be convenient if we screwed them over just this once, like it’s just this one time and then you can pretend it never happened, like there aren’t any consequences—›
‹Cassie—›
‹No, Jake! Look at what you just did to me! You just—you just Controlled me, Jake! What does that say about—I mean, what could possibly justify—›
She broke off again, some internal censor kicking in as she noticed herself ramping up, burning hotter than her personal set of rules said that she was allowed to burn.
‹It’s not about what you do, once, Jake,› she said, her voice suddenly quiet and razor-edged. ‹It’s about what kind of person you are—what kind of person you let yourself be. You can’t just—you don’t get to say well, this one’s okay, because reasons. If you do that, you’re deciding that that’s the kind of person you are. That that’s the kind of war you want to fight—the kind of war where there can’t be any peace treaty, because—because—because—›
She broke off again, all heat and pressure with no outlet—so much pressure that even through the layer of my control our fists were clenched and trembling. ‹Is that really the sort of call you want to make, Jake?› she asked. ‹Is that really the sort of call you’re qualified to make?›
I said nothing, the sick, oily tension of my uncertainty mingling with the fire of her conviction until my vision started to swim and I thought I might throw up. I could hear the truth in her words, in a distant, muffled sort of way—the way they would have sounded to me six months ago, clear and obvious and sensible, the lines bright and sharp.
But at the same time—
We had three weeks.
We had three weeks, and only the slimmest of chances, and Cassie—
—this Cassie—
—she just didn’t understand.
Couldn’t understand.
And she never, ever would.
‹Jake?› she asked, as the silence stretched on.
I still didn’t answer. I could feel myself tearing in two. The Jake that I was—the Jake that I wanted to be—and the Jake that I needed to be. The one who could actually do what it took to win.
Like bringing Cassie back from the dead just to abuse her? asked Marco, who seemed to have switched sides. I mean, as long as she’s not going to remember it—
‹Jake, say something.›
I looked down at my hands—forced Cassie’s eyes to look down at Cassie’s hands—smooth and slender and dark, with thick calluses from handling shovels and cages and clippers and rope.
I’d held those hands, twice. Once on the night Elfangor died, and once in the lifetime before that—shyly, in the dark of a movie theater, where Rachel and Marco wouldn’t be able to see.
I’d worn those hands fifty-five times, now.
But I’d only ever held them twice.
‹Jake—›
‹I’m sorry, Cassie,› I whispered, as I focused my mind. ‹For—for all of it. I’m sorry, and—›
I swallowed.
You owe her that much.
‹Jake, wait—›
‹—goodbye.›
* * *
The men are walking. They are fifty feet apart, for dispersal. Their walk is slow, for they are dead weary, as you can tell even when looking at them from behind. Every line and sag of their bodies speaks their inhuman exhaustion.
‹Almost there,› Marco whispered.
‹Roger,› I replied.
On their shoulders and backs they carry heavy steel tripods, machine-gun barrels, leaden boxes of ammunition. Their feet seem to sink into the ground from the overload they are bearing. They don’t slouch. It is the terrible deliberation of each step that spells out their appalling tiredness.
‹Any word from Tobias?› I asked.
‹Not since we went out of range. Checked messages just a minute ago; ship hasn’t moved.›
‹Time?›
‹Six fifty-seven.›
Their faces are black and unshaven. They are young men, but the grime and whiskers and exhaustion make them look middle-aged. In their eyes as they pass is not hatred, not excitement, not despair, not the tonic of their victory—there is just the simple expression of being here, as though they had been doing this forever, and nothing else.
It was a quote I had read in sixth grade, doing research on World War II for Mrs. Nease’s social studies class. I’d gone back to find it, on one of our foraging missions into some nameless suburb—had given up my chance to shower and gone to the library instead, crawling through the internet until I dug it up again. I’d flipped the librarian a stolen quarter to print it out, only to realize—when she handed it to me—that I had already memorized it, the words settling into my soul like they’d always belonged there, like a part of me had been carved out to make room for them.
‹Ax here. Car on the horizon, over.›
‹You sure?› Marco asked. ‹I don’t—ah, wait, never mind, they’re gearing up.›
For four days and nights they have fought hard, eaten little, washed none, and slept hardly at all. Their nights have been violent with attack, fright, butchery, and their days sleepless and miserable with the crash of artillery.
I shifted in place, fluttering my wings for balance as my legs slipped on the vast ivory surface beneath me. ‹Kodep,› I said, keeping the band of thought-speak narrow. ‹Can you see them?›
Bzzzzzz.
The ivory plane vibrated once in response, nearly sending me into the air in a panic as the dragonfly’s instincts kicked in, screaming for me to take wing and escape.
‹Are the rest of your people in position?›
Bzzzzzz.
The line moves on, but it never ends. They are just guys from Broadway and Main Street, but you wouldn’t remember them. They are too far away now. They are too tired. Their world can never be known to you, but if you could see them just once, just for an instant, you would know that no matter how hard people work back home they are not keeping pace with these infantrymen in Tunisia.
‹How much time left?› I asked, switching back to Marco and Ax.
‹Marco here. Maybe a minute? They’re in a big SUV, coming in offroad, over.›
‹Tyagi and co?›
‹Chill,› Marco said. ‹Not moving, not tense, not surprised. Bet they’ve been tracking that car for the past ten miles.›
Meanwhile, the Yeerks have probably been scanning every square inch of this whole desert for the past ten hours.
They had no ships nearby, except for the one parked five miles over the horizon—Tobias had been tracking their movements on Thàn’s Marauder’s Map for the past three hours. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be watching from space, through the cold, cloudless morning sky.
Telor and Tyagi had set the rendezvous point just outside of Copper City, in an empty and featureless patch of nowhere about forty miles away from the base. There’d been no safe way to check out the site in advance, but Google Maps had shown nothing but dust, shrubs, and the occasional mound of shattered rock. It was as exposed as you could get, with no cover or shelter of any kind—whoever fired the first shot would be the winner.
Dammit, Cassie.
I shifted again, my double set of gossamer wings tense, trying to make sense of the madhouse mosaic of the dragonfly’s vision. I could see blues, browns, and drab, dry greens; the colossal outlines of humans and vehicles nearby; a multifaceted shimmering haze that was how the dragonfly perceived Kodep’s hologram.
No, Erek had said, when I called him at five that morning. There’s nothing we can do about another asteroid. Is—uh—is this a hypothetical question?
‹They’ve stopped,› Marco reported. ‹Getting out now. Looks like four of them, one staying in the car.›
I could see them, sort of—three dark, organic shapes splitting off from a larger black polygon, the image reflected ten thousand times from ten thousand slightly different angles. It wasn’t the sort of thing the dragonfly’s vision was built for, though—they were too far, too large, and too slow-moving for a system optimized for catching flies in midflight.
‹Ax?› I asked.
‹One moment, Prince Jake.›
There was a pause, and then the dragonfly’s vision shimmered and faded, a double-doubled and over-overlapped picture gradually cohering on top of it—the view from Ax’s four Andalite eyes. I could see bits and pieces of his blue-furred body, and Marco’s gorilla morph standing next to the image of his father, and—further out—the President’s entourage, backed by a single tank and a widely spaced line of uniformed men and women.
‹Can you see and hear, Prince Jake?›
‹Yeah,› I said, as the three human figures approached to within half a dozen yards and stopped, their hands held out and open. ‹Thanks.›
“President Tyagi,” said the figure in the center, her words echoing strangely as I heard them both through Ax’s ears and through the antennae of the dragonfly.
The multilayered image shifted as Ax swiveled one eye toward the President, who stood with her hands clasped behind her back, three steps in front of an arc of Secret Service agents.
“Greetings,” said the President, her tone clipped, polite, and precise. “We thank you for agreeing to this meeting, and for the trust inherent in your physical presence. How may I address you?”
“I am Dragar six-three-two of Telor,” said the woman. “‘Dragar’ is an appropriate shortening.”
“And your human host, Dragar?”
The briefest of pauses. “Her name is Elaine Gallagher.”
“Is she a willing host, Dragar?”
A longer pause, and tenser.
“No, President Tyagi, she is not.”
President Tyagi gestured, and Ax’s eye swiveled further as one of the uniformed soldiers stepped forward, his hands empty, his expression resolute.
“This is Corporal Kelly Autry,” the President said. “He has volunteered to become your host, and to travel with you back to your ship, as a gesture of goodwill and an official representative of the human species. In exchange, we request the release of Elaine Gallagher, who we would like to send home.” She paused, and her glance flickered to the other two Controllers. “My apologies to the rest of you,” she continued, her tone softer. “But we must start somewhere.”
There was another pause, this time one of naked shock—even through the disorienting cross-eyed haze of Ax’s secondhand vision, I could see the dropped jaws, the raised eyebrows, the incredulous sidelong looks.
‹Did you know about this?› Marco asked.
‹No.›
“Corporal Autry is carrying no weapons, surveillance devices, or other clandestine technology,” the President continued. “He is in good health, and has not been ill in the past six months. He is fit, intelligent, and possessed of several skills we suspect the Telor coalescion will find useful. We would like—”
She broke off again.
“—we would appreciate seeing him returned to us, in three months’ time, so that we may learn from his experience. We would offer you a replacement host at that time, if such were still necessary. But we recognize that you may not be prepared to make such a promise, or authorized to do so, and so we do not require it.”
The silence continued, the three Controllers exchanging wordless glances as the rest of us held our breaths.
‹Ax—› I began.
‹We are not sure, Prince Jake. We suspect that Dragar’s answer will be yes. It is a compelling offer. But if Telor is executing a conservative strategy—›
“I accept,” Dragar said, the words cutting through the tense stillness. “On behalf of Telor, and as a commensurate gesture of goodwill.”
‹A plague?› Marco wondered silently. ‹Some kind of biological warfare?›
I didn’t answer.
President Tyagi nodded, waving the corporal forward. “Does Elaine Gallagher require restraint?” she asked, as both Dragar and the corporal knelt together in the dust. “Or perhaps medical attention?”
Dragar was silent for a moment, as if conversing with its host. “She will not require restraint,” the alien said finally. “She will likely benefit from therapeutic assistance, but is otherwise in good health.”
The President nodded, and without another word Dragar reached out, pulling the corporal’s head close until their ears were pressed together. There was yet another long pause, and then the corporal winced, and then—
With sudden, shocking force, Elaine Gallagher shoved the soldier away from her, hard enough that both of them went sprawling in the dirt. The soldiers and Secret Service agents stiffened—
“Hold,” said President Tyagi, her voice calm.
They held.
Scrambling backwards on all fours, Elaine Gallagher let out a long, wordless shriek that tapered off into a series of staccato sobs, her entire body shaking as she gasped for breath. Rolling over onto her side, she made as if to rise to her feet before her trembling, unsteady limbs collapsed beneath her—tried again a second time and collapsed a second time—
‹Jesus,› Marco whispered.
—until finally, on her third try, she managed to stand, her eyes squeezed shut, her body swaying as if she might faint at any second. A few steps away, Corporal Autry had also stood and was watching impassively, his body still and controlled, his expression flat and empty.
“Elaine?” President Tyagi asked, her voice still calm but with an extra layer of gentleness.
The woman didn’t respond, a thick, heavy keening still tearing its way out of her throat. She seemed to be holding herself together through sheer force of will, her fists clenched and shaking, the muscles and sinew in her neck standing out in sharp relief.
“Elaine—can you hear me?”
Nothing.
‹Jake? Should we—should we do something?›
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer, unable to close my eyes to Ax’s projection, my mind frozen in sudden horror as a memory forced its way to the surface, a night of confusion and anger and a dome of soft, white light—
Tom.
My brother.
I’d left my brother like that for hours.
For hours, on the night that Ax became a Controller—left him alone in limbo, trapped inside of Erek’s force field while I dealt with the others. While I did my duty, attended to the things that mattered.
“Elaine—”
Had Tom screamed like that? Had he sagged like that? Collapsed—fainted, maybe—the walls of Erek’s prison holding him upright—
“Certo. Whitener.”
I tried to claw my way out from under the memory as two Secret Service agents stepped forward, tried to regain my composure as they took Elaine Gallagher gently by the elbows—as she screamed and thrashed and tried to run, only to stumble and fall—as they grabbed her more firmly under each arm, pushed her into the back of one of the waiting cars where the sound of her sobbing became muffled and distant.
That’s what I’m afraid of, Cassie had said. Weeks ago—weeks that felt like years. Not a morph, but the real Cassie, just before she’d given me my first and only kiss.
That’s what I’m afraid of. Not that we’ll wake up one day and realize that we’ve crossed all the lines, but that we’ll look back and we won’t even see any lines—that we won’t know what all the fuss was about in the first place, because every choice we made was justified.
I felt queasy even inside the dragonfly morph, some echo of human sensation mapping itself onto the insect’s tiny body. I could see that I wasn’t alone, as Ax’s stalk eyes swept across the circle—could see the twisted expressions, the averted eyes—
“Shall we begin again?”
The voice was eerily familiar, somehow instantly recognizable as the same entity that had previously spoken with Elaine Gallagher’s mouth. I shifted on Kodep’s shoulder as Ax’s main eyes refocused on the former soldier, one stalk remaining on Tyagi while the other continued its constant scan.
“Certainly, Dragar,” said the President, her own voice exactly as it had been. “Forgive me for being direct, but we are all exposed and events proceed without us. The United States has two proposals for you. The first is the return of Essak nine-seven-four, late of Aftran, together with Peter Levy, who wishes to continue as Essak’s host. In exchange, we request an open, secure, and reliable line of communication with the Telor coalescion.”
The former soldier’s gaze flickered toward me—toward Ax, really—before returning to the President. “And what about Temrash?” Dragar asked.
‹Small steps first,› Ax said, his thought-speak carrying with it a sense of broadness, a raised voice that everyone present could hear. ‹Let humans and Yeerks prove themselves capable of meeting one another before we attempt to close the rift between Yeerk and Andalite. For now, it is enough that Temrash and I share one mind and one purpose.›
Dragar pursed its new lips, furrowed its new brow, and spoke again. “The line of communication must be three-way,” it declared, with Corporal Kelly Autry’s voice. “Telor will agree to discussion with the human race, provided that we may also have access to Temrash.”
‹Prince Jake?› Ax asked privately.
‹Agree.›
‹Agreed,› Ax echoed aloud.
“Agreed,” said President Tyagi.
“Agreed,” said Dragar.
The view shifted again as Ax turned his eyes toward the shape of Marco’s father. That shape moved forward, the ivory plate beneath my dragonfly body vibrating with each step it took.
‹Last chance to bail, Fearless Leader,› Marco whispered.
I said nothing.
Through Ax’s eyes, I watched as Mr. Levy stopped in front of the trio of Controllers, holding still while they scanned him with a number of different devices. To the dragonfly’s eyes, it looked as if the giant figures were wielding a set of enormous rayguns, the beams scattering across the shimmer of Kodep’s hologram, creating wild, kaleidoscopic auroras. I felt a desire to hold my breath, though the dragonfly had no lungs to let me—if the Chee technology wasn’t able to stand up to the inspection—
“You are Essak of Aftran?” Dragar asked.
Once again, there was a peculiar echo as I heard the same sounds through both my own senses and Ax’s mental projection.
“Yes,” said Kodep, speaking in Mr. Levy’s voice.
“From the southern reaches of Madra?”
“Northern,” Kodep said, and from the outside I watched as he shaped his hologram into a wry, sad smile. “You do not trust me, Dragar?”
“Would you, Essak?” Dragar asked.
“No, I suppose not.”
The two other Controllers finished their scan and stepped back, each giving a quick nod.
‹It seems Erek was correct in his appraisal of Yeerk scanning technology,› said probably-Ax.
‹First hurdle,› answered probably-Marco.
I felt my own tension loosen, but not by much—
“From mud and water,” said Dragar, followed by an expectant pause.
“The glow of life,” answered Kodep.
“On the backs of the khala mats—”
“—rode the seeds of Rukh, until their arrival in the home of the Gedd.”
“The memory of flight—”
“—a lie of Baros, for which insult did Odric scatter them across the salt plain.”
“We departed Gara in an armada of three, and made our first rendezvous—”
“—eleven cycles later, with Khyne, Pet, under Visser Eleven, in a nebula on the edge of the Grasskan Nightfall.”
I listened as Ax—as Temrash, really—fed the Chee answers, as the android echoed them with robotic efficiency, projecting Mr. Levy’s voice a mere tenth of a second behind the stream of thought-speak. I felt the urge to let out a sigh of relief, and rustled the dragonfly’s wings instead—
That could have gone very differently.
“Well,” Dragar said, after maybe the ninth exchange. “If you are a spy of the Visser, we are in any case already doomed.” Stepping aside, the Controller gestured at the black SUV, and Kodep moved forward, climbing into the back. There was a terrifying cascade of vibrations underneath me as the android settled into an empty seat, followed by a sharp change in pressure as the door shut, and then the world was dark.
“The car will return for us once Essak is safe,” Dragar explained, as the SUV started up and began to back away. “And in the meantime—your second proposal?”
“We have become aware of a threat to the Earth’s population,” the President said. “A specific threat, from the Andalite war council. It’s in the best interests of both Yeerk and human to avert it, and we are unable to do anything about it without Yeerk intervention. In exchange…help, we are…pared to offer—”
‹Marco here,› said Marco, as the distance increased and the clarity of Ax’s vision began to break down. ‹You’re headed right for where Tobias said the ship was waiting. Good luck, buddy. Try not to die, o—›
The thought cut off abruptly as the SUV passed out of range.
‹You too,› I whispered. Uselessly, but it still felt important to say it.
Now comes the hard part.
It was all fast—too fast, like running through the woods in the dark, waiting for a root or branch to trip you up, knock you out. We’d gone around in circles for the better part of three hours, that morning—demorphing and remorphing under cover, shivering in the desert cold, each of us alone in our hiding space, unable to see or hear the others except inside our own heads.
We’d been searching for a plan—any plan—that seemed like it might be able to stretch to cover all of the possibilities. There were strategies that made sense if Telor was planning to betray Tyagi right away, and ones that made sense if Telor was planning to string us along first, and ones that made sense if Tyagi was planning to throw us under the bus, and ones that made sense if everybody was actually being honest, and ones that made sense if Visser Three was waiting to ambush us all—
(Those mostly consisted of don’t be there.)
—but each one of them required rolling the dice on something, committing some kind of resource in an irreversible way. And without knowing which thing was most likely to go wrong, it was impossible to be sure which risk was the right risk to take. The sane thing to do would’ve been to disengage, to pull back and wait for more information, but with the looming pressure of the Andalite threat, we no longer had the luxury of being able to wait and see—
In the end, we’d failed to settle on anything at all. There had been no agreement, no clear consensus, no unity of purpose. There hadn’t been any anger, either—no pointless bickering or stupid misunderstandings. Just exhaustion, and demoralization, and frustration, and fear, none of which did anything to stop the clock from ticking forward.
And by the time the sun had started to brighten the horizon—
Well. It’s not like it made all that much difference whether I died today, or three weeks from now. One way or another, we had to do something, and we were well past the point where we could pretend like every plan was going to make sense, and every mission was going to be safe.
The men are walking. They are fifty feet apart, for dispersal. Their walk is slow, for they are dead weary, as you can tell even when looking at them from behind…
We rode in silence for maybe ten minutes, my mind going in circles, alternating between trying not to think about what would happen next and thinking of a hundred reasons why this was stupid, why it wouldn’t work, how I was going to get myself killed and everyone else with me—
The shuddering vibrations of the car slowed, then slowed, then slowed again—stopped, the door opening to let in the bright, unfiltered light of the morning sun. I fluttered my wings for balance as Kodep swung its legs out of the car—
Bzzzzzz. Bzzz-bzzz. Bzzzzzz.
Whatever dragonflies have instead of adrenaline, I was suddenly feeling a lot of it—that was the signal for Yeerk betrayal.
‹Here?› I asked, in private thought-speak.
Bzzzzzz-bzzzzzz.
‹Back at the rendezvous?›
Bzzzzzz.
‹Are we still go?›
Bzzzzzz.
A sudden clarity, as of marbles rolling down tracks, or LEGO blocks clicking into place. Kodep thought we could still get inside the Bug fighter, which meant that the Yeerks hadn’t cottoned on to our deception. And Kodep hadn’t given the sign that meant Visser Three, so—
‹They tried to take Tyagi?›
Bzzzzzz.
It had been one of the possibilities we’d considered, when we first tried working out how the rendezvous might go. If Telor believed in the Andalite threat, but didn’t think that the Yeerks could stop it—or didn’t think the Earth was worth the resources it would take to save, which amounted to the same thing—
According to Ax, human technology could make a big difference on the other warfronts, many of which were on non-industrialized planets, against an Andalite military that was stretched far too thin. Missiles, fighter jets, guns, computers—even things like chemical plants, metal refineries, manufacturing robots, hydroponic farms. There was a lot you could steal, if you had three weeks to do it and a fleet of Bug fighters and you didn’t much care about the consequences.
And Controller-Tyagi would be a big first step, even if the rest of the human race figured it out immediately. She had earplugs, but the Yeerks didn’t know that, and so—
‹What about Tobias? Any of the other ships moving yet?›
Bzzzzzz-bzzzzzz.
Which meant that our Bug fighter was meant to be the first line of offense.
Why only one? a distant part of me wondered. Are they—was that all they could spare, without catching Visser Three’s attention?
The light around me dimmed suddenly, and I pushed the thought aside, the air growing cooler as Kodep crossed the holographic boundary and entered into the Bug fighter’s hold. There was a loud clang as the door slammed shut, sending shivers down my antennae.
‹We’re in?› I asked.
Bzzzzzz, Kodep confirmed. And then—
Bzz-bzz-bzz.
Plan A.
Launching off of Kodep’s shoulder, I turned my nose downward and dropped straight toward the floor, already focusing on my human form as I landed beside the android’s steely three-toed claw. I felt a deeper, lower thrum as the Bug fighter powered up, the combined vibrations of engines and air resistance.
‹How much time do we have?› I asked, my body shooting upward in slow motion as the ten thousand windows of my vision began to blur and blend together. Through Kodep’s hologram, I could make out the form of two Hork-Bajir Controllers sitting on the other side of the narrow space, though I couldn’t quite tell where they were looking, or whether they were carrying weapons.
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz. Bzzz.
That was cutting it close. We’d only have about a minute, once I was done demorphing…
‹What happened at the rendezvous?› I asked, as soon as my human hearing started to return.
“Not sure,” came Kodep’s voice—its normal voice, not its mimicry of Marco’s father. The field surrounding us would keep the sound from leaking out, just as the hologram was hiding my rapidly transforming body. “Beam weapon, possibly from space. Wide dispersal. One flash, and everybody was unconscious, Controllers included.”
Crap. ‹Are we not afraid that’s Visser Three?›
“There was a signal first. From Dragar, to orbit. Plus, Erek says Tobias says the Visser’s ship is still on Mars.”
Which didn’t exactly rule out his involvement. But it did at least buy us some breathing room, since there was no way he could get here from the other side of the solar system fast enough to make a difference.
“You guys okay?” I asked, as my proboscis melted away and reformed into human mouth parts.
“No damage to the Chee on site.”
“And this didn’t trip your violence prevention protocols?”
“No physical damage, no clear mortal threat.”
Like the cages in the Yeerk pool.
Straightening, I rolled my shoulders, feeling an itchy tingle as my wings folded down against my back and dissolved into skin and fabric. I was already sweating under my shirt, my heart pounding, adrenaline burning through my veins as I considered what I was about to do. I was in my own real, fragile body—without even the protection of morph armor, since there was no time for a second transformation.
The men are walking…
“Ready?” I asked.
“Ready,” Kodep confirmed.
In a kinder universe, I would have had a moment to gather my courage, but—
Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward, passing through the holographic boundary separating me from the two Hork-Bajir Controllers.
The reaction was instantaneous. “Rhapakat chi!” shouted one of them, as they both surged to their feet. “Mit ghotal humanimorph—”
“Peace!” I said, throwing up my hands. “I come in peace, no danger—”
It made no difference. The first Hork-Bajir lunged straight at me, arm blades flashing, while the second unlimbered a Dracon beam—
Time stopped.
A static charge filled the air, like the feeling on a hilltop during a lightning storm, every hair on my arms standing straight up. Beside me, Kodep stood naked and exposed, his true steel-and-ivory body visible as he poured all of his energy into maintaining the force field that had filled the tiny cabin. The two Hork-Bajir were frozen in place, one with its finger half an inch from a Dracon beam trigger, the other balanced impossibly on tiptoe, its knifelike arm blades pointed straight at my throat.
“What’s going—”
There was the sound of shoes on metal, and a human Controller came into view around the corner, weapon already in hand—
That’s three.
“Hey,” I shouted. “Hey! Pilot! If I come around the corner, are you going to shoot me?”
“Stay back!” came the shaky, panicked reply.
I stepped forward, past the statue of the human Controller, and stuck my hand around the corner, pulling it back an instant later—
A flash of red, too dim to cut through the metal of the hull but hot enough to pucker the skin of my nose and lips as I flinched backwards—
I smiled.
There was a strangled yelp, and then nothing.
That’s four.
“Can you hold all of them?” I asked.
“Yes,” Kodep answered, projecting a note of strain into its simulated voice.
“Did they get a message out to the mothership?”
“No.”
“And the autopilot?”
“No idea.”
I took in another breath—had it really only been like thirty seconds?—and stepped forward, blue fur already spreading like a stain across the skin of my arms. I wanted to shout, or laugh, or cry, or something—something to acknowledge the sheer thrill of what had just happened, the dice coming up seven, the pure dumb luck of an utterly undeserved victory. To celebrate the fact that I was alive, and free, instead of dead or shot or captured—that, as utterly insane as the idea had been, it had worked.
But instead, I just slid the seat back, making room for the Andalite body that was busy emerging from my smallish teenage frame. Beside me, the human pilot was frozen in place, his face tight with tension, his eyes darting back and forth, his hand still pointing a Dracon beam back into the hold.
It’s not about what you do, once, Jake, the copy of Cassie had said. It’s about what kind of person you are—what kind of person you let yourself be.
And she had been right.
What can we do to help? Erek had asked, when I called him that morning. When it became clear that we had no better options and no one else to ask for help—that even if the Visser had swayed them over to his side, we could at least trust them not to kill us, or put us in a situation where we were likely to be killed by someone else.
That depends, I’d answered. If we were to promise—to swear—to commit one hundred percent that no matter what, we wouldn’t use a Bug fighter for violence, even if it meant the difference between life and death—
Would you believe us?
* * *
“All right,” I said. “Let’s wake her up.”
We were cloaked and invisible, parked in a shallow depression between two anonymous hills in the middle of the Somali desert, a latitude and longitude pulled at random off of the internet. There were fifteen of us on board, crowded into the cramped metal hold—Kodep and I had left the Bug fighter’s crew back in California alongside Dragar and the other unconscious Controllers, and had scooped up Marco, Ax, Tyagi, a couple of Secret Service agents, and a couple of other Chee as a swarm of helicopters thundered toward us from Edwards Air Force Base. We’d grabbed the rest of the Animorphs on our way out—after Ax and Kodep swept the ship, disabling half a dozen secret transmitters and tracking devices, including two worn by the President—and were now as undetectable as we could possibly be, with only Serenity capable of tracking us.
‹Though I’m still confused by what this Thàn guy is saying,› Ax had grumbled. ‹If I’m understanding the theory right, it shouldn’t be possible to locate and triangulate with a single detector like that. Two maybe, but not one.›
We’d asked Kodep and Erek to revive Marco and Ax immediately, to discuss our options—most importantly, whether to bring Tyagi with us, or leave her in the desert, or something else. In the end, we’d decided to bring her along, since Edwards was no longer even remotely secret from the Yeerks, and since we’d needed to talk to her about what to do next.
“Roger,” said Erek, leaning over her unconscious form and stretching out a holographic hand.
Humanity had a hyperdrive, now—a trustworthy one, that was neither damaged from a crash nor a “gift” from Visser Three. That meant that we were no longer dependent on the Yeerks for protection, if we wanted to try for a MAD deterrent and we could manage to get the message through to the Andalites without their help.
(Though it would take some rules lawyering on what we’d meant by “Bug fighter” when we made our promise to the Chee, if we pulled out the hyperdrive and strapped it to a rock. Also, there was basically zero chance that Ax would actually let us go through with it, if the issue came up for real, though we could in theory get the coordinates out of the Elfangor morph.)
The Bug fighter also meant that we were mobile in general—Ax had checked its fuel reserves, and they were sufficient for something like two hundred trips around the world, in-atmosphere, or ten or fifteen loops around the solar system. That, plus the edge that Serenity gave us—
—provided we didn’t have to blow up Serenity ourselves to stop the government from tracking us, as Marco had pointed out—
—meant that it might actually be possible for us to take Visser Three by surprise, and either capture or kill him. Though the window on that opportunity was shrinking, depending on whether Telor would try to cover up the missing fighter or simply tell him about it.
Whichever way we ended up going, though, it was time to bring the President into the conversation.
There was a hum as Erek placed a finger against her temple, and then a brief flash of white light, and then—
“Huh.”
Another hum, another flash.
“Is she—”
“No, she’s breathing—look.”
“What’s going—”
“Quiet,” I said, cutting through the rising babble. “Wait.”
A third hum-and-flash, and still no reaction.
“Erek?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, unless—”
“What?”
“When I went to revive her the first time. A few seconds ago—right when I sent the charge.”
“What?”
“Her Z-space interlink. It failed.”
There was a moment of open, abject horror as the words slowly sunk in.
“Her Z-space…?”
“Interlink.”
“Oh, God,” Marco whispered. “Oh, shit.”
“Wh—”
“She was in morph?”
“Oh, jeez, morph armor—”
“The time limit—”
“Erek, why didn’t you say something—”
“What? Me? You guys are in and out of morph all the time, nobody told me to give you status updates—”
“Look, it’s not that bad, right? If she was in morph armor, then she’s lost a couple of weeks, at most—”
“Erek. Can you do the thing you did with Jake? Burn off the control tissue, wake her back up?”
“Hang on,” Erek said. “Hang on. Let me see if I can get a clear scan of which tissue it is. Last time, it had been dying for days, the decay made it easier…”
Trailing off, the android bent over the unmoving body, projecting a focused frown onto his face as he put one hand on either side of her head. “Yes,” he said, after a long pause. “I found a frequency that causes the tissue to respond. I can target it just like I did last time.” He looked up. “Do you want me to?”
They all turned to look at me, and some tiny, tired part of me threw up a bitter flag of resentment. “Yes,” I said, keeping my voice level, trying to inject confidence and authority into my tone. “Go for it.”
I turned to look at the two Secret Service agents lying next to her, still unconscious. “By the way, they aren’t about to pass the time limit, are they?”
“No,” Kodep said, speaking up from the back of the room. “They haven’t had the glow at any point.”
There was another hum, followed by a sound so faint I could almost convince myself I was imagining it—a sort of squelching, sizzling, crackling sound.
I wanted to throw up.
“Tobias,” I said, turning away again. “She acquired her armor the day you gave her the morphing power? Right there with you and—what’s it—Paul?”
Tobias’s brow furrowed. “I don’t—I’m—I can’t remember. Maybe? I know he acquired her right then, but I’m not sure about the other way around—”
“What if it’s not her?” Rachel cut in.
Another hush fell over the room, the only sound the hum-and-crackle of Erek’s continued laser surgery.
“You mean, like—like Nickerson or somebody?” asked Tom.
I felt a cold tingle in my fingers and toes.
“Why not?” said Marco, the tiniest hint of laughter creeping into his voice, the hollow amusement of despair. “I mean, she’s already got Paul Evans doing it, right? And if you think Telor might double-cross you—”
Crap.
It made sense.
It made perfect sense.
It was obvious, in fact.
And we just—
—hadn’t thought of it.
Every line and sag of their bodies speaks their inhuman exhaustion…
What else had we missed?
“Ax,” I said. “Get us into space, now.”
‹Direction, Prince Jake?›
“Doesn’t matter. Away from everyone and everything.”
‹Roger.›
There was a new hum beneath the sound of Erek’s work, and a slight sensation of acceleration, and then we were falling upward, the desert shrinking away below.
Serenity can track us.
We’d been thinking they would be careful, if we had the President on board—that they would communicate first, rather than launching a direct attack. But if she was just a duplicate—if they sent the other Bug fighter after us—
“Erek,” I said, my voice cracking.
Why’s your voice cracking, Fearless Leader? It’s just one dead person. Not like it’s a big deal or anything.
“—how much longer?”
“Maybe thirty seconds,” he said. “Then I’ll try waking her up again.”
“Will she even know?” Tobias asked. “I mean, Jake—Jake didn’t—”
“She’ll know,” Garrett said quietly. “She was awake, wasn’t she? Turned on, or whatever. She wouldn’t trust a negotiation like that to somebody just pretending to be her, she’d want to be the one actually driving. She’ll remember.”
I turned to stare at the still form lying on the deck—at the rise and fall of her chest, the tiny movements of the blood beneath her skin that said she was alive, that she wasn’t just a corpse lying there.
That’s really Tyagi in there.
Whoever else it had been—whether it had been the real Tyagi in morph armor, or Sergeant Nickerson, or some other volunteer—
They were Najida Tyagi, now. Now, and forever.
What if—
“Ready,” Erek said, cutting across my thought.
Another hum, another flash of light, this time followed by a fraction of a gasp—the barest beginnings of an emotional reaction, cut short by iron control.
“Where am I?” asked the voice of the President of the United States of America.
There was a long silence as everyone turned to me. As everyone waited for me to answer.
“You’re on a Bug fighter, Madam President,” I said, as she sat up and took in her surroundings. “Do you know what a Bug fighter is?”
Her eyes narrowed, thinning by less than the thickness of a hair. “Yes. Of course. What happened? I was in the middle of a negotiation, and then—”
“The negotiation failed,” I said quietly. “Dragar sent a signal, and some kind of beam weapon knocked everyone unconscious. We suspect they were planning to kidnap you, maybe all of the others too—”
“We had contingency plans in place for—”
She broke off, and the eyes narrowed another thousandth of a degree.
If they had contingency plans in place, why weren’t there a hundred missiles flying at the Bug fighter the second things went south? They had Thàn—they knew where it was just as well as we did—
“We did, too,” I said, shoving the distracting thought aside. “Madam President, I’m very, very sorry to be rude, in a few minutes I’ll be happy to drop you off anywhere you want—provided it’s safe for us—but first, I have to ask. Are you a morph?”
“What?”
“Are—are you the original Najida Tyagi? Or—are you—were you—someone else?”
This time, the eyes widened, the skin lightening from coffee to caramel as the blood drained away from her face. “What time is it?” she breathed.
“Eight thirteen A.M.,” I said. “Pacific.”
“Foster,” she murmured. “Oh, Foster, you idiot—”
Not Nickerson, then.
I felt a knot of tension in my chest try to loosen itself, felt another part of me move to object—
As soon as I saw it was a kid I didn’t know, I felt better, Cassie had said. Like it would have been worse if it were a friend of mine, like this kid’s life didn’t matter because I didn’t know his name.
One life.
We’d traded one human life, for one Bug fighter.
Well, one Bug fighter plus the enmity of the entire US government—
Shut up, Marco.
I turned to look out through the Bug fighter’s viewscreen, at the curve of the horizon shrinking away as we rose higher and higher, the blue sky fading into black.
Just the simple expression of being here, as though they had been doing this forever, and nothing else—
I let out a breath.
It was the same question it had always been. The same mission, the same goal. The fact that we were on a Bug fighter instead of in morph made no difference. The fact that we’d kidnapped a presidential decoy made no difference. The fact that somebody named Foster had died—that Cassie had died—that so many people had died—
It made no difference. We had a job to do, and we had three weeks left to do it.
“Jake?” Rachel asked, her tone laced with caution.
“We’re going to drop her off someplace safe,” I said, the words sounding as if they were coming from someone else’s mouth, hollow and tinny and fragile next to the commanding voice of President Tyagi. “We’re going to drop her off, and then—”
I broke off, looking around at the faces filling the narrow space—Animorphs, Chee, humans and Andalites. I weighed my words—what could be said, what was safe—ran them through my little black box to see how they would land.
They have fought hard, eaten little, washed none, and slept hardly at all. Their nights have been violent with attack, fright, butchery, and their days sleepless and miserable with the crash of artillery.
It felt like years since we’d all been in the same place at the same time.
All of us, except—
“And then we’re going to find Visser Three.”
Chapter 43: Chapter 32: Marco
Notes:
Next chapter is Rachel. It will be short (unlike this one, which, fair warning, is 19000 words), and should come out within ten days.
By the way, if you're interested in music that is an *incredibly* good fit for the themes of this fic, go listen to "The All Spark" from the original Transformers score (and, y'know, pretend you don't know where the music came from while you do it).
EDIT: For those who struggle with the final section of this chapter, I recommend reading the words out loud? Or "out loud" by mouthing or muttering them under your breath? I predict this will help.
Chapter Text
Chapter 32: Marco
Sometimes—
—not all the time, not nearly often enough, but sometimes—
—we manage to make it work. We figure it out in time—get there faster than anyone else, with all our shit together, enough to make the difference.
The truck. The truck had gone okay.
And the factory, and the broadcast.
Edwards Air Force Base—
Well, that had been a shitshow, but we’d all gotten out alive in the end. And then, with the rendezvous—
I had to hand it to Jake, he’d pulled that one off beautifully. Right up until the moment when he’d said, out loud, in front of two different potential hostiles, what our next target was.
It was almost as bad as the way Tobias had just—handed over Thàn and the Serenity data, no strings attached. Which I wasn’t complaining about—out loud—since it had gotten my dad out of there, and since it hadn’t exactly been my finest hour, either. Threatening to expose Paul Evans—that had not gone well.
But sometimes.
Sometimes, we did okay.
‹Rachel here,› said Rachel, from the back of the hold—
—and none of them moved. None of them twitched. None of them so much as batted an eye—not even the new kid, David.
I was almost proud.
‹Speaking of Visser Three,› she continued, as the rest of us reacted not-at-all. ‹I—ah—I’m pretty sure I found something.›
I went on not looking, for the sake of Erek and Kodep and the Tyagi clone and the Secret Service agents and my dad and the slug he was carrying around inside his head. I knew what I would see, if I looked—Rachel, lying on her back in the corner, feet propped up against the wall, hair fanned out around her head, face lit up by the blue glow of the tablet Thàn had left us, the tablet Ax had Mad-Max-ified so that it could stay connected to the internet even as we ripped around the earth at twenty thousand miles an hour. Her eyes would be tracing back and forth, even if she’d already seen the important part—her expression flat even if her heart rate was crawling upward—
‹It took me a while, because there’s not just one pattern, there’s a bunch of patterns that overlap, and the ships switch in and out, and a lot of it’s noise. But I’ve been looking back over the past few months, and I’m pretty sure—›
Beside me, Jake continued to fidget with the burner cell phone he’d been carrying, just as Ax continued to let his hands drift randomly over the control panel and David continued playing cute in front of not-Tyagi.
‹There’s this thing. Every now and then, one of the other Bug fighters will go and scope out someplace new. Never the same fighter twice in a row, never the same spot twice. Usually, it’s just somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. There was one in south China, one on an island a few hundred miles off Australia, one in Norway, one in Maine, two in Argentina—›
I felt my brain shift into high gear, trying to force the pieces into place as I rushed ahead to the finish line—
‹—always someplace green, always away from people. And then—it’s not always exactly the same, sometimes it’s just a few hours later, sometimes as much as a full day, depending on what other stuff he’s up to in the meantime—›
‹The Visser’s ship?›
‹Yeah. Every time. Stays for about an hour or two.›
‹How often is this?›
‹About every three days or so. Sometimes longer, never more than ten. And—well—it’s been six days since the last one, and—›
I felt a bolt of nervous energy crawl across my body like slow-motion lightning.
‹—right around the time the rendezvous was going south, a Bug fighter took off from a field on the border between Cambodia and Vietnam. And—uh—well, Visser Three’s ship left Mars about five minutes after that.›
Nobody froze. Nobody sucked in a breath. The seconds ticked by, with nothing to mark the sinking-in of what she’d just told us.
And then, because sometimes—
—not always, but sometimes—
—I managed to actually think ahead, to actually put the pieces together, and quickly—
‹Marco here,› I said, fighting to keep my body relaxed, to keep myself from starting to sweat. ‹We need a distraction, now.›
‹Jake. Where—here?›
‹No. Edwards. Washington. New York. Something to keep them—to keep the government, the military—›
I didn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t need to. They got it.
‹Tobias,› I said. ‹Still Marco. Is there any reason—any reason at all—to believe that Thàn won’t have just—told them everything? Any reason to believe they don’t know which ship is Visser Three’s?›
There was a long silence, and I wondered whether Tobias and Garrett were—
Who are you kidding? Of course they are.
‹Tough to say,› came the answer. ‹He definitely told us everything right off the bat, but we had one of his friends vouching for us, and we had the cube—I dunno, the reason he didn’t go to the government in the first place was because he was pretty sure they’d been compromised—›
Wishful thinking. ‹Rachel,› I interrupted. ‹Still Marco. Did Thàn label the Visser’s ship in any special way? Like, as you’re looking on his map thing, is it—›
‹No, nothing’s labeled. Just color coding for different types of data—›
‹Is there a color for morphing? Like, is morphing its own special color?›
Another silence.
‹Yeah.›
‹Then they know,› I said, feeling a heavy weight of certainty settle into my stomach. ‹It’s not going to take them—how long’s it been—six hours, to put that one together. His is the only ship that morphing happens on, right?›
‹Well, there’s weird orange flickers on a couple other ships sometimes, and out on Mars—›
What the—
No. Not a priority. ‹Jake. If Tyagi’s crew tries to take him out—›
‹Maybe we should let them,› somebody spoke up.
‹If they screw it up—› said someone else.
‹US black ops in a Vietnamese jungle? Please.›
‹The rendezvous went—›
‹—all to hell—›
‹—went fine, I was going to say, things blew up but it’s not like they hadn’t thought ahead, they didn’t put the real Tyagi on the line—›
‹They were more than happy to put us on the line, though—›
‹TOMRACHELTOBIASRACHELDAVIDRACHELMARCOGARRETT!› bellowed a voice, shocking and sudden and impossibly loud. I managed to stop myself from flinching, but only barely.
‹Follow. The. Frickin’. Rules. Please. Garrett, over.›
There was another long silence, broken only by a soft, wordless mental chuckle that I was pretty sure was coming from Tobias, or maybe from Ax.
‹Jake here,› said Jake, even as he continued to stare blankly out the front viewport, his eyes dull and unfocused, his jaw slack. He hadn’t flinched, either. ‹Don’t forget about Telor—last we checked, they were in panic mode—›
‹Still no m—crap, sorry, Rachel here. Still no major ship movements over the past two hours—›
An entirely automatic part of my brain sent up a flag—why hadn’t Telor sprung into action—
‹—maybe a slight uptick in chatter? But hard to say. Over.›
‹Marco here. Rachel, Ax—is there any way to tell where a message is going? Like, who it was addressed to? Over.›
‹Aximili responding. No—Serenity is picking up the Z-space disruption that causes the signal wave to propagate, and that disruption has no directionality in the traditional sense, since Z-space vectors have no simple correspondence to real-space vectors—›
‹Rachel here—sorry, Ax. The scout fighter sent a message just as it was taking off, and there weren’t any messages from the mothership—any messages at all, from any ship—in the previous ten minutes, or in the time between that message and V3’s departure. Also no messages from V3’s ship since it left Mars.›
We’re going to have to take out Serenity, I realized, the knot in my stomach twisting as the others continued to talk. That was just way too much intel to leave lying around, and the Yeerks were bound to tumble to it eventually—
Shit.
I felt a small trickle of adrenaline as my mind made another connection under the surface.
Thàn.
Thàn would have set up a self-destruct.
…right?
I mean, he must have, right? He’d been sitting on top of the damn thing for, like, months, just thinking through all of the possibilities—
And Tobias had just handed him over, and Jake and I hadn’t even tried to stop it. We hadn’t even had time to—
‹Tobias,› I said, interrupting. ‹I mean, this is Marco, but—Tobias. Sorry. Side note. You did a morph check of Thàn, right? Over.›
‹Tobias here. Yeah, he was clean. Why? Over.›
In the old days, I would’ve just brushed past it. Tell you later, or nothing, just checking.
But we no longer had the luxury of letting one another make mistakes. Sooner or later, one of those mistakes was going to get us all killed.
‹Uh. I was thinking we might want to see if he’d put any thought into how to blow up Serenity, now that like a dillion people know about it. You know, before the Yeerks inevitably get their hands on it, and then take us all down five minutes later.›
Nobody seemed to have anything to say to that. Keeping my movements light and casual, I stretched, letting my head roll over toward the corner where the two Chee were standing—motionless, holograms off, looking like Transformers made out of platinum and porcelain.
‹Jake here. Rachel—do we have an ETA on the Visser?›
‹Uh—›
‹Aximili here. I would need to look at the Marauder’s Map to be sure, but unless he makes a jump—I believe Mars is approximately two hundred million of your miles from the Earth. If he isn’t taking any extraordinary measures, he should arrive in approximately five hours. Over.›
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
It was all happening too fast—too fast again, for what felt like the twentieth time, we were reacting again, reacting instead of taking the time to think—
‹Jake?› I whispered—still in a way that the others could hear, but a whisper nonetheless. ‹Jake, buddy, what’ve you got?›
It wasn’t fair, to put this one on him. But whatever the hell it was that was going on in that little black box of his, whether it was some kind of crazy Ellimist fuckery or just him being the kind of guy who really got people—
Whatever it was, Jake’s ability to guess what other people were about to do was pretty much all we had right now.
‹I think—› he began, and then faltered. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the tiniest furrow carving a shadow across his forehead. ‹I don’t think Visser Three is in the loop—yet. The way they tried to take Tyagi—the way he stuck around on Mars—it just doesn’t seem like his style. Too—I dunno—too passive, maybe?›
‹Unless he knows we’re watching,› I pointed out.
A fractional shake of his head, a microscopic tightening of his lips. ‹No,› he said, his mental voice sounding firmer this time, more sure of itself. ‹That’s definitely not his style. To let us have this much access? See this much of what’s going on? We wouldn’t even know about Mars, if it wasn’t for Serenity.›
Unless Serenity itself is just a giant hoax.
But I didn’t say it out loud. For one thing, that was a little too much to swallow, a little too paranoid even for me. And for another—
Well. There was no point in asking Jake’s black box for answers if I was just going to quibble with everything it had to say.
‹All right,› I said. ‹So—working theory. V3’s out of the loop. How long does he stay that way?›
‹Garrett here. Not long, I’d bet. Over.›
‹Tobias. Telor’s thinking—what—they want to get as much out of the Earth as they can, they don’t want Visser Three to kill them, they don’t want to lose the larger war—›
‹Jake here. Marco—what exactly did that Controller—Dragar—what did they say, after I left? And Tyagi?›
I swallowed. ‹Tyagi said—she said, uh, ‘the Andalites have a weapon they believe can destroy the planet.’ I think she was deliberately vague about what. Dragar tried to draw her out, get some details. She admitted that we’d gotten the information from a secret source in the Andalite power structure—that it wasn’t a direct, delivered threat, like trying to coerce us to do something, or whatever. And then she offered to set up a voluntary infestation program, asked Dragar if the Yeerks would declare Earth to be under their protection. And then Dragar said—›
I screwed my eyes shut, trying to remember. ‹Nothing special?› I said. ‹I mean, from what I remember, they just kept talking right up until everything went black. No declarations, no monologuing, no obvious code words—›
‹Did Tyagi say anything about the deadline?› Jake interrupted.
‹Yeah. She said there wasn’t much time, that the Andalites were planning their strike for late June, early July at the latest—›
‹That’s it, then,› Jake said. ‹They’re scared.›
‹What?›
‹Scared. Of the Visser. Going after the President was a mistake, a knee-jerk reaction, and now—he’s got—he must have some kind of hold over them, something more than just authority, or they would’ve done something about him already, as soon as they started thinking about mutiny. They were trying to sneak around behind his back, but then they heard about an Andalite threat, and they panicked—›
It didn’t quite sound right. There was a note of confusion in there, something that was just a little bit off, didn’t really seem to fit. ‹But then we stopped them immediately,› I said, trying to pick up the thread.
‹Right. And now they’re stuck. If Tyagi decides to route around them, talk to the Visser directly—he’ll find out what they’ve been up to—›
I felt my brow trying to furrow and deliberately relaxed it.
There’s Telor trying to get back Aftran, and thinking about mutiny—that’s secret number one. Then there’s the Andalite threat, which is—not a secret, surely they’ll want the Visser to know that. But then there’s how they found out, and why they waited to say anything, and how they lost a Bug fighter, and who authorized the attempt on Tyagi—
Call all of that secret number two. Put them both together, and what made the most sense for Telor—
Just steal as much manpower and materiel as you can.
Given that their response had been to turn down Tyagi’s proposal, they clearly weren’t ready to commit to mutually assured destruction with the Andalites—either that, or they didn’t think it would work, as a deterrent. Which meant they really, truly believed that the Earth had only a couple of weeks left.
But then—
In that case—
Why hadn’t they started already, President or no President?
There was a feeling of pressure building, a sense of sand pouring through an hourglass, red digital clocks counting down as my confusion mounted.
‹Rachel,› said Jake. ‹Or Ax, I guess. I’m guessing there’s no way to tell the difference between him heading to the mothership versus heading to the Earth, this far out? Over.›
‹Aximili here. No, over.›
‹This is Rachel. Checking the other times—it looks like—yeah, okay. So he usually goes straight there. Straight to the Earth, I mean, whenever another Bug fighter scouts out a spot. I’m only seeing once—maybe twice—yeah. Something like nine out of ten times? He goes straight there, and then when he leaves the surface—he pretty much always checks in with the rest of the fleet after that. Looks like—maybe half the time he goes up to the mothership, and the other half—he sends a message, then they send one, then he sends one, and so on. So—›
Those time-lapse videos of flowers growing and dying, all in an instant—
‹So yeah. Over.›
There was another silence, and I felt my brain straining so hard it physically hurt, the blood pulsing thick and turbulent just behind my eyes.
Something—
Think of SOMETHING—
There was Visser Three—still out of the loop, but only for a few more hours, at which point he would—
Error.
There was Telor—presumably in panic mode, paralyzed for the moment, but when they did move, they would move fast, and in which direction—
Error.
There was Tyagi—Tyagi and the rest of the military, who had all the same information we did, who knew exactly where we were, would notice us moving toward Vietnam even if for some reason they weren’t already watching the Visser—
Error.
There was Erek, and Kodep, and the promise we’d made, not to use the Bug fighter for violence. A promise they could hold us to, a promise there would be real consequences for even trying to break.
There was the Tyagi clone and her two Secret Service agents.
There was Serenity.
There was the Andalite threat.
There was—
There was—
ERROR.
‹Jake,› I said. ‹It’s Marco.›
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, and hoped that neither of the Chee was paying attention.
Sometimes we figure it out.
‹Jake,› I repeated. ‹Something doesn’t smell right.›
‹What?›
‹Think about it. All this pressure, all this confusion—everything coming together, all at once—all of it coming to a head at the same time—›
I trailed off, trying to find the right words as the precursor to panic tightened my throat. This burning need to find a next action—
‹We snatch a Bug fighter, and it just happens to be right before Visser Three lands on Earth?› I said. ‹Right after we got access to technology that would tell us where he’s landing? Out in the wilderness, away from witnesses? And also Tyagi knows about it too, and knows about the Andalites, and is pissed at us, and also Telor has just gone off the rails and might, like, start trying to kidnap a whole country or something before the world blows up, and—and we’re all here, even the Chee—and a Tyagi clone—when was the last time we were all in the same place at once like this? And—›
‹I get it,› Jake said, cutting me off. ‹But—what—›
‹The Ellimist.›
The voice was dark and heavy, and somehow I knew instantly it was Ax—not the lost, frightened cadet, but the strange, unsettling hive-mind that had been slowly incubating inside of him, the shadow of a dead warrior and a fragment of an eldritch nightmare bound up with the mind of an alien kid and the ghost of my best friend’s brother.
‹This is the Ellimist’s hand at work,› he asserted. ‹A confluence of implausibilities, the unlikely made inevitable. We are being guided, manipulated—channeled into a specific course of action.›
They weren’t just words. They were pronouncements, prophecy—spoken with flat, immovable certainty, as if they’d been forged from black steel. I looked over at him—his bearing unchanged, his hands still drifting randomly over the controls, his stalk-eyes moving in a carefully carefree pattern as he perfectly maintained the illusion that nothing was happening. I looked at him, and past him—at the bright blue curve of the Earth below, the velvet background all poked through with stars.
I had noticed it, when we first launched into orbit—had felt the rush of awe, even with all of the fear and stress and pressure, had spent a few minutes gazing silently down as the continents drifted by. But suddenly, hearing Ax’s voice in my head, it was easy to remember that I was out in space—to feel every inch of the hundred miles beneath us, and the vast emptiness of the endless void above. To remember what had happened the last time we had encountered the inscrutable, alien god—the day that time had stopped, and Cassie had died, and all of Ventura had burned.
I shivered. It suddenly seemed weird that that hadn’t been filling my mind ever since—that I’d ever managed to return to anything even a little bit like normal.
‹And before you ask,› Ax intoned—still sounding tangibly alien, with almost none of the humanity that had bled into him since his merging with Temrash—‹the answer is no. It does not matter what we do. There is no point in wondering which path we were meant to take, in agonizing over whether we are fulfilling expectations or subverting them—whether we were meant to accede to the pressure, or to notice it and resist. Whichever path we choose, it is always the one that the Ellimist wanted. Inevitably. Infallibly. To think otherwise is sheer folly. The Ellimist’s wishes are not something we have the power to accept or reject. They simply are.›
I looked back at Jake. At the way his shoulders sagged, the dark circles under his eyes. At the distant emptiness in his stare that was only partially on purpose, that couldn’t possibly have been just for show.
That—
That made it better, actually—didn’t it?
I mean, if things really were outside our control—really, truly, totally outside—if there was nothing we could do about it, no matter how hard we tried or how carefully we thought—
Then in a way, it didn’t matter at all. It was just part of the background, like gravity. Maybe the Ellimist wanted us dead, maybe it wanted us alive, maybe it wanted us to win or to lose or to do something else altogether. But either way, in the meantime, all that we could do was—
Your best, Elfangor had said. As you would have done anyway.
‹Jake,› I whispered. ‹Jake, this isn’t right. We can’t—we have to bail.›
I looked around the tiny space again—at Jake and Ax, Tobias and Garrett, Rachel and Tom and the new kid David. At the robots, and the agents, and the President’s clone. At my dad, curled up in the farthest corner, as if hoping he could fade into the background.
‹It all comes back to Visser Three,› Jake said softly.
I swallowed, my throat still tight and dry.
‹He’s the key to all of it. Without him—if we could just get rid of him—›
I understood.
Without the Visser, there’d be nothing stopping the Yeerks and the Andalites from making peace. Nothing to stop Telor from forming an alliance with Tyagi, and countering the Andalite threat. No reason for us to mistrust the Chee—no reason for the Andalites to be so afraid that they’d rather commit genocide than pass up a ten percent chance of maybe catching Esplin in the fireball.
‹I think we have to try,› Jake said. ‹Even if it’s a trap.›
‹That’s why we have to bail,› I said.
Because it makes too much sense, because it’s all lined up too perfectly—
Was I just fooling myself? Talking myself in circles? Just because I thought real life ought to be messier, that didn’t mean that things never lined up on their own, just out of coincidence—
But this need—this pressure to take action now, the sense of being poked and prodded into place—even Thàn, he’d been out there for months, we’d been out there for months, why was it just now that we were suddenly able to track the Visser’s movements—
‹You don’t ever get into the car with the kidnapper, man,› I said. ‹Somebody wants us there. That by itself is reason enough not to go.›
There was a silence that felt like glass.
‹Rachel here—›
I closed my eyes.
‹—I think Marco’s right. Over.›
I opened them again.
‹Tobias. Me, too. Over.›
I looked at Jake.
‹Fine,› he said, his voice sounding—if anything—even more tired, even more hollowed-out and empty. ‹What’s plan B, then?›
I looked back out through the viewport, at the dim scattering of stars.
The Visser.
Serenity, and Tyagi, and the Andalites, and Telor, but the Visser most of all.
‹Okay,› I said.
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know, like I had with the truck.
But sometimes—
‹I don’t know what to do. But I think I know where to start.›
* * *
‹My people.›
They weren’t words—not exactly. More like titles, or subtitles—summary descriptions, superimposed over an image that was more than an image, the sense of looking out across a sea of people and seeing only friends and family and neighbors and allies, a thousand different faces and every one of them warm and familiar.
‹My people, I have grave news.›
A dark shadow passing over the crowd, a tiny shiver of cold anticipation.
‹We cannot win this war.›
A sudden, sinking panic, the feel of the ground dropping out and falling away.
‹The Council seeks to project confidence, believing that if we simply believe, this will be sufficient to make the difference. They think that the situation is uncertain, and salvageable, and that a prophecy of victory will be self-fulfilling.›
I felt my own tiny shiver at the concept-that-my-brain-subtitled as prophecy, at the memory of a memory, four names written in a burning script that no alien should have been able to understand in the first place—
‹But they are wrong. Desbadeen has fallen, whether they have told you or not. Leera and Gara teeter on the brink. This war will be lost—was a terrible mistake from the beginning—and to prosecute it further would be to throw away the lives of our people in pride and perfidy, until the enemy comes to burn the very grasses of our home. We must seek a peaceful resolution—seek it now, while we yet retain sufficient power to inspire hesitation, to make compromise seem preferable to conquest. It is a bitter truth, but it is one we must accept quickly and fully, without the naïve wishfulness of youths who think that the world is what they want it to be.›
I didn’t move the stalks—didn’t interfere with the war-prince’s control of our shared body as he stared into the lens of the communicator. But I could feel them around me, the others—feel their silent solemnity, hope and despair and a funereal helplessness.
‹There will be those who argue that this is not of the Path,› Elfangor continued. ‹That dissent, in this of all times, is the highest of treason. That unity means survival, and that it is impermissible—even immoral—to even think of questioning the wisdom of the Chancellor and the will of the Council. Many of you will have felt the wondering in your own hearts, and banished it, for the sake of solidarity.›
Our nostrils flared, and for a moment I could almost see the intangible aura of power that the Andalite was gathering around himself, the archetype of a warrior girding himself for battle.
‹But I am Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul,› he said. ‹Pilot of the Blooded Blade, heir to Alloran-Who-Fell, avenger of the Pangaban Colony and savior of the Hayati Reach, known to our enemies as the death that comes in darkness, the blade that falls without warning. That you will wonder if even my words are tainted by cowardice or treachery—›
He paused, and without moving a muscle somehow conveyed the sense of a scorpion ready to strike, a viper coiling in its burrow. ‹Well. It is inevitable that you will wonder. But you will not conclude that it is so. You will heed my words of caution, and when your neighbors speak the same, you will know that they speak with the voice of reason, and rationality, and doubt.›
He gestured, and with a smooth, practiced step, they moved into view of the camera, stood shoulder to shoulder—Tom and Rachel, their faces set in identical masks of grim determination.
‹These are humans,› Elfangor said. ‹Denizens of Earth, and the current target of the Visser. They are weak, but nimble. Slow-thinking, but clear-seeing. They have flight, and spaceflight, and nuclear power, and electromagnetic communication. And there are more than seven billion of them.›
I felt a quick tightening of fear, in the quiet corner that was my own part of our shared mind. That last bit hadn’t been a number, but rather a multilayered, overlapped vision of a thousand different Andalites—standing aboard spaceships, running through fields, sleeping inside of little hobbitlike scoops carved out of grassy hillsides—and each and every one of them had been surrounded by a dozen shadowy, human-shaped figures.
‹It is on their world that the third way was found, and proven. Coexistence between Yeerk and host—true symbiosis, rather than suppression or slavery. The humans’ battle is not yet finished. Peace has not been achieved, and they may yet go the way of the Hork-Bajir. But they will pour forth from their world, either as the allies of the Yeerks or as their vassals, whether one revolution hence or seven. And when they do, we will be too few, too tired, too scattered to resist.›
He leaned forward, and the Berensons shifted to make room, our three heads close in the heavy silence. ‹We must teach the Yeerks that we are reasonable before that happens,› the war-prince said. ‹Before they have nothing further to gain by listening, and no reason to fear our vengeance. We must abandon our indignation, the drive for satisfaction that leads ever-downward to our destruction—the juvenile fantasy that transgressions against us may never go unpunished, that we have an unchallengeable power to demand redress for our grievances.›
Something—shifted—and suddenly there was another Andalite standing before me, with dark fur and a long, azure scar cutting across the slits of his nose—not real, not actually visible, but in memory projected so clearly that it was like a hologram.
‹We will remove this threat of which you speak,› declared the alien, its voice heavy with authority. ‹Seven billion is not so many when they are all gathered on a single world. All it takes is a simple rock.›
The vision faded, and Elfangor lowered our tail to the deck, the exposed bone of the blade giving a soft tink as it made contact with the cold metal.
‹I do not know what madness grips the mind of Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss,› he said softly. ‹I do know that Lirem seeks to protect the Andalite people, and to do his duty with honor and fortitude. I believe he acts with conviction, and that his motives are what many would call good.›
Elfangor raised our hands, placed them upon the shoulders of the two humans. ‹But Lirem does not look beyond the curving of the Path. Does not think clearly about what might lurk beyond the horizon. There are things we do not do—things which, once done, cannot be undone, and whose consequences echo across the stars. There was a time, perhaps, when the destruction of Earth might have been carried out in silence—might have meant the ending of this line of possibility, and the eventual victory of our people.›
I came to deny them their prize, he had said—that first night, in the construction site, so long ago. Armed with a weapon that should have burned your world to a cinder.
‹But no longer. It is no longer an anonymous world floating invisibly in the infinite dark. The Yeerks have staked their claim, the humans have drawn their battle lines, and the time for quick and easy answers is done. If the Earth were to be ended now—›
He broke off, lowering his arms before continuing. ‹You know why it is not done,› he said flatly. ‹Why it is never done, why it must not be done. If we make our enemy truly desperate—if we teach them that our ruthlessness has no limit, that their only choice is between savagery and extinction—›
He broke off again. ‹The Yeerks know the location of our homeworld,› he said flatly. ‹Thus far, they have held back, not wishing for us to destroy theirs. But if we show ourselves reckless, remorseless—if we leave our enemy no viable path to survival save our own annihilation—they have less to fear than we, from a policy of total war. We can not spread as quickly as they can, nor take root half so easily. And look—›
He gestured around himself, at the smooth walls and silvery deck. ‹The humans have Z-space capability as well, now. Stolen from the Yeerks, but it will not be long before they understand it for themselves. And while they have no reason to hate us yet, neither have they any reason to hold back, if we make ourselves their enemies.›
The Elfangor in my head didn’t remember that night—the first night, when he’d recruited us to be his dead hand. The memory hadn’t had time to encode itself before we acquired him—he didn’t remember pulling the trigger on his doomsday device, didn’t remember being shot down by the Visser’s ships, didn’t remember five human kids too stupid to run away when an alien ship decloaked in front of them.
But he did remember thinking—days earlier, as his ship slid through hyperspace—that there was no way his weapon could work. Not unless Jake Berenson and Cassie Withers and Tobias Yastek and Marco Levy had already been taken, were already off-planet somehow.
After all, there’d been a prophecy, and no matter what you did, the Ellimist always won.
‹And so—›
The war-prince paused, standing stiff and upright, all four eyes turned forward as if facing judgment.
‹And so, I have chosen to give these humans the coordinates of the Andalite homeworld myself. If we destroy their planet—and if, out of fear, the Yeerks do not take vengeance themselves—the survivors will destroy ours, and then there will be none left to challenge the Visser as he darkens the Great Path with his shadow.›
It wasn’t true, strictly speaking. Elfangor hadn’t actually given us the coordinates, and there was still our promise to the Chee. But there was always the other ship, and since we could pull the coordinates out of his head whenever we wanted—
I had wondered whether we would be able to convince him in time. Whether the two-hour time limit was long enough for us to bring him around, or whether I’d just have to fake his personality, try to deliver the message myself.
But then Ax had pressed our heads together, and suddenly there had been six of us in there—me and Elfangor and Ax and strange, partial shadows of Temrash and Tom and another copy of Elfangor—
As it turned out, it only takes about three seconds to make a dain.
‹This is Elfangor’s Trust,› the war-prince continued. ‹Not of these humans, but of you, my people. I trust you to see beyond the quick and easy, to look past the immediate and the obvious and consider the consequences. Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss would sacrifice seven billion aliens to save the Andalites from extinction, and I cannot say for certain that this is a mistake—in principle.›
I couldn’t help it—I twitched one eye away, just for a moment, to the place where Erek the Chee stood silently, watching over the operation, his hologram back in place, but its expression no less cold and mechanical.
‹In practice, though, it is the desperate flailing of the youngling who cuts his own leg as he attempts to frighten the monster away. Consider that we were provoked into this war in the first place—that our very involvement was the design of the Visser, and that we have each step of the way allowed ourselves to be prodded into playing the part he wishes us to play. And now, in an hour of desperation, we become aware of a singular threat—a threat as yet confined to the surface of one defenseless world—do you think it is coincidence that this fruit is dangled before us? That we are invited to take the obvious path, employ the obvious solution? Have you any doubt that the blood of those seven billion would eventually trickle down to taint the grasses of our fields, our homes?›
The war-prince closed all four of his eyes, reopening them slowly in the Andalite gesture that was the equivalent of a shaken head. ‹No,› he said. ‹No. It must not be. Two paths lie before us—one old and familiar, the other new and unknown. Along the first, there is only death, and death, and more death—a war that ends with each of us as either conqueror or slave. And along the other—›
This meeting was not by chance, and if there are few paths to victory, at least be assured that you walk upon the widest.
There was a memory in Elfangor’s mind which I couldn’t access, which I hadn’t been able to penetrate any of the dozen times I’d dug through his past. I could see that it was there—feel the shape of it, trace the way that it had influenced his thoughts and actions after the fact—but the actual content of it was hidden from me by a blank wall that Elfangor himself didn’t even know was there.
The day after that hidden memory, he’d left Alloran. Had resigned his commission, surrendered his rank, and dropped out of the Andalite military, throwing away a future as the most promising protégé of the most brilliant strategist of the past thousand years—
—just hours before the message from Seerow’s expedition had summoned Alloran away to the Yeerk homeworld.
‹Along the other, I do not know. But that is the Path we must follow, if we are to avoid the trap that fate has set for us. Think long, my people—think long, choose wisely, breathe deep, and seek peace.›
* * *
“Did he say anything else?” Jake asked quietly, as the last of the blue fur withered and shrank beneath my emerging olive skin.
I do not think that this gambit will work, Marco Levy. My people are not much like yours—they are unaccustomed to confusion, and slow to change direction. It took half a year for them to commit to this war in the first place, with all of the fire and fury of the Visser for encouragement. And the Chancellor will argue that this message does not prove that you have Z-space capability. It may be that we have accomplished nothing at all. It may be that we have made things worse.
“Just that we shouldn’t count on it,” I said. “As for the rest—”
No. I will not attempt to strategize on your behalf in the game between the Ellimist and Crayak. You will find that I am sufficiently skilled to prevent myself from doing so accidentally, while you eavesdrop. To discourage you from trying anyway, and from digging any further through my memories than you already have, I point out that it is not unreasonable to posit that your previous use of me is what cost you the life of Cassie Withers, and I wager the consequences of that disaster have not yet fully been felt.
“—nothing new.”
Jake nodded, biting his lip. “You sure you still want to go through with this?”
I shrugged. “Somebody’s got to,” I said, “and it damn sure isn’t going to be you.”
“Tobias and Garrett—”
“Ha.” I shook my head, leaning forward as I lowered my voice. “What happened the last five times Tobias was in a high-pressure spot?”
“That’s not really fair.”
“Still, though.”
“Okay, so it wasn’t great that he crashed the Bug fighter—”
“Or that he punched you in the face in the Yeerk pool. Or that he went and added Garrett to the team unilaterally. Or that he just gave them Thàn and Serenity, out of the blue, when he didn’t have to—”
“He did that to get you out of the hole you’d dug yourself into—”
“Yeah, I know, I crossed the line, too. The difference is, I know where the line is. Tobias—”
“He’s pulled through for us every time. Without him we wouldn’t have made contact with Ax, we wouldn’t have found Paul, we wouldn’t have found Thàn—”
“I know. I know, okay? I get it. But this—this one needs to go like clockwork. No surprises. And besides, you going to tell me it would be a bad thing if Tobias and Garrett stuck around for a while? Actually got to be part of the team for once, instead of always being off doing their own thing?”
Jake grimaced. “Tom, then.”
I scoffed. “You want to go that route, try Rachel,” I countered. “At least she’s learned not to put her hand on hot stoves. But I have the feeling you’re going to want her around in case Tyagi—”
I broke off as Jake’s eyes shifted to look over my shoulder, turned to see the Tyagi clone approaching, her two Secret Service agents trailing her.
“Update?” Jake asked.
“Aximili is finished with the hyperdrive,” she said. “He says the cradle should be here within half an hour, at which point all that’s left is the remote piloting systems.”
Jake nodded. “Rachel?” he called out. “Updated ETA?”
“Three hours, ten minutes,” she answered. “I had Erek look at the data—he says it’s something like ninety-six percent the Visser’s headed straight to the ground. Moon’s almost on the other side of the planet, and his course doesn’t make sense if he’s planning to stop by the mothership first.”
“Tight,” I murmured.
“It’ll work,” Jake said. “Kodep says he can get you there in about eighty minutes, right? And on our end—as long as nothing really nuts happens, we’ll have the tech dropped off in Washington by sundown.”
“Washington?”
Jake nodded. “Tyagi came through. While you were transmitting. She’s—well, she’s not happy, not with any of it. But she signed off, so long as we deliver the hyperdrive.”
“And she’s okay with—”
I gestured.
“Don’t act surprised,” said the clone. “We’re the same person, after all. Besides, no point in having extra lives if you’re not willing to spend them.”
I let out a breath. “I guess that’s everything, then.”
Jake frowned. “Are you really not going to—”
“Don’t,” I said, cutting him off. “He chose them, all right? I can’t—I just—”
I gave up. It would take too many words. “Just don’t,” I finished lamely.
Jake didn’t say anything, just held out his arms for a hug. I stepped forward, my head pressing up against his collarbone as I felt his chin rest above my ear.
“Don’t die,” he whispered.
“Shut up,” I said. “It’s a recon mission. Nobody’ll ever know we were there. And besides, we’ll have Kodep with us.”
He squeezed me tighter, and I took in a deep breath through my nose, letting his scent fill my nostrils. “See you tomorrow,” he whispered.
And then, louder, letting me go—
“All right, everybody. Let’s do it.”
* * *
“Scared, kid?” I asked, as the Andalite escape pod slid smoothly into the dawn sky, fading into transparency as it cleared the lowest clouds. A few seconds later, the Bug fighter flickered, then vanished, its own cloaking field powering up.
“No,” said David.
There was a short pause.
“Yes.”
I smiled. “Scared is good,” I said. “Scared means you haven’t totally lost it yet.”
Turning, I nodded to the last remaining Chee, Kodep—or at least, the last one that I could see, since for all I knew there were a hundred of the damn things hiding under holograms all around us. “Ready?” I asked.
“Ready,” it said.
“Here we go.”
Closing my eyes, I focused my mind and felt the changes begin.
You know those electron microscope pictures? The ones where you can see, like, bugs and ball point pens and microchips, all up close? They’re all clean and sharp and brightly colored, and even gross things like mosquitos and mold and sperm start to look elegant and beautiful, full of symmetry and intricate detail.
Well. It’s one thing to see a housefly up close on a screen, and it’s another thing entirely to feel an extra pair of legs bursting out of your stomach.
I kept my eyes closed as long as possible—as bad as it is to watch yourself transforming into a bug, it’s even worse when there’s someone right next to you going through the same thing—but at some point, my eyelids disappeared and I had no choice but to watch.
My skin, melting like candle wax, then blackening, hardening, and finally peeling like old paint as a thousand tiny hairs split off from the layer of chitin.
David, two feet tall and slowly shrinking, looking as if he’d vomited up his own esophagus, a long, fleshy tube dangling out of his face where his mouth should’ve been.
A feeling like being cut open under surgical anesthetic, a sort of numb, distant pain as huge vertical gashes appeared down my back, my flesh splitting into a pair of giant, veiny wings.
Morphing wasn’t always a nightmare. Once, when Cassie was demorphing from an osprey, she’d managed to keep her wings right up until the very last second—had stood there, looking like an angel, everything completely human except for a halo of feathers around her forehead and a pair of four-foot wings where her arms should’ve been. That had been downright cool.
But this—
I was pretty sure I could’ve heard my bones dissolving, if I’d still had ears.
Fortunately, my vision disconnected at about the halfway point, the fly’s compound eyes sending signals too complicated for my still-human visual cortex to interpret. By the time my sense of sight came back online, the morph was complete.
‹Incoming,› I broadcast to Kodep as I launched upward from the ground, David echoing his own confirmation. ‹Where should we latch on?›
The android was a giant the size of the Statue of Liberty, wrapped in an ever-shifting aura of shimmering, rainbow color, but the fly was a turbo-powered rocket on steroids, and we covered the distance to head height in about two-thirds of a second. As we circled around—at what felt like about eight hundred miles per hour—a small, rectangular area on the giant’s shoulder lit up, shining like the surface of the sun.
‹There?› I asked.
The area blinked once.
‹Roger.›
In a split second, I was there, balanced and motionless on the patch of smooth, white porcelain—
‹Aaaaaaaand I just threw up. Sorry, Kodep.›
There was a series of short, truncated vibrations that my human brain interpreted as laughter and my fly brain interpreted as MORTAL PERIL. Then the air around me tightened and froze, and we were off.
‹David, you good?›
‹Yeah.›
There was very little sense of motion, either because Kodep had some kind of inertial force field or because the acceleration was gradual and steady. But even with the fly’s shattered, kaleidoscopic vision and the half-transparent hologram, I could tell that we were going fast.
We’d landed that—well, it would’ve been afternoon, back in California, but out here it was the middle of the night—on a tiny, nameless island in Indonesia, maybe four hundred miles away from the Visser’s predicted landing site, the closest we’d been comfortable getting given that we didn’t know what kinds of ship-detecting technology he might have stolen or invented.
Team A had been Jake and not-Tyagi, who had quickly reestablished contact with the U.S. military through some kind of one-time use protocol the real Tyagi had set up in advance, in case of emergency. There’d been two major topics of discussion—the reaction to Telor’s betrayal, and plans to take action on the Visser’s imminent arrival. As it turned out, Tyagi was already planning to leave the Visser alone, for the same reason that Project Ultra had let Nazi U-boats continue to sink Allied convoys. She hadn’t been thrilled that we were going, but she reluctantly acknowledged the need for intel.
And the fact that there’s nothing she can do to stop us, Tobias had pointed out.
Less clear was whether—or how—Tyagi would react if Telor started trying to snatch up people or resources. We’d told her about our plan to make a broadcast to the Andalite civilian population, once we’d confirmed that Elfangor knew how to get through, but like Elfangor himself, she wasn’t counting on the Andalite war machine listening to reason. According to Tobias, it was possible that she might help if Telor started going nuts, just to maximize the number of humans who ultimately made it off-world.
Team B had been Ax, Tobias, and Garrett, who—along with some mechanical help from Kodep—had begun the process of stripping down the Bug fighter and turning it into a remotely pilotable drone ship, disconnecting the Z-space drive and setting up independent power sources for the two Dracon cannons. They’d left the shields and cloaking device intact, since the ship would be basically useless if it got shot out of the sky before reaching its target, but the hyperdrive—the core of the MAD deterrent—would be dropped off in Washington, along with the two Secret Service agents.
Ax had also remote-summoned his personal ship, the little escape pod he called his cradle. It was small, and cramped, and had barely enough fuel left for a single, one-way trip to space, but that was all that my dad and the Tyagi clone would need to make their way up to the Yeerk mothership.
It was a bit of a gamble, sending them up without warning—though not as much of a gamble as sending them up at all, in the first place—but we’d decided that was safer than drawing attention to them while they were sitting in a ship with no maneuverability and no weapons. Once they made it into visual range of Telor’s ship—and while the Visser was hopefully on the ground on the other side of the planet—they’d drop their cloak and try to establish contact via radio, at which point the pair of them would try their best to play envoy while the real Tyagi did the same down below.
That left Team D, which was me, David, and Kodep. The broadcast with Elfangor had been a long shot—probably worth doing, but mostly just a way to kill time while the others finished up their work. Now, we were on our way to Vietnam, to watch—from a distance—as the Visser did whatever it was he was there to do.
No, Ax had said. I’m not sure what he’s up to. It doesn’t seem likely that he’s planting bombs, for instance, since he can just bombard the planet from orbit. Maybe he’s seeding some kind of terraforming biotech, or setting up self-replicating robotic manufactories? Or just leaving behind caches of supplies, in case of unexpected contingencies? But in that case, I’m not sure why the double visits—it seems like the first Bug fighter could do most of that on its own…
We’d considered sending a team to check out one of the previous sites, but there hadn’t been time to do that and get into position, and we wanted to be morphed and settled in long before the Visser actually showed up. So that particular job had been outsourced to the Chee, who claimed they would let us know via Kodep if there was anything relevant about the other sites. I had started to point out that we’d have no way of verifying the information, at least during the critical window, but—
We can’t keep obsessing over whether or not we trust them, Jake had snapped—silently, in thought-speak, while we bustled around on the moonlit beach. His voice had been brusque and hard, brooking no disagreement. They showed themselves to us when they didn’t have to. They’ve saved our lives more than once. They’ve done everything we’ve asked—everything they could do, given their programming. And let’s be real—they can round us up any time they want to. If they weren’t on our side, we’d already be captured, or dead.
It was basically the same deal as the Ellimist. There was nothing we could do about it, so there was no point in worrying.
And so David and I found ourselves in fly morph, held tight inside a force field as Kodep churned through the South China sea at maybe three hundred miles per hour, heading for a tiny clearing in the jungles of Vietnam.
I’d worried at first that we’d be picked up by submarines, but Kodep had said that our passage would be almost silent—he would extend the force field out in front of us in a long, narrow cone, like the tip of a lance, and nudge the water gently aside a second or so before passing through the gap. It would make no more noise than a small whale, and the whole thing would be hidden from sight by hologram.
I’d shivered a little, hearing that. It was the same sort of premonition I’d gotten about Serenity, a sense of danger waiting in the wings—the Chee were unbelievably, insanely powerful, and while there really might not be anything we could do about it if they turned against us, it didn’t quite seem like not thinking about it was the correct response.
Ax had seemed to think he could destroy them, given the right tools—such as the two Dracon cannons we’d just scavenged from the Bug fighter—but there was a big difference between being theoretically capable of pulling it off, and actually being able to do it under real-life combat conditions. There were thousands of them, after all.
I continued musing as we surged through the water, my mind wandering from threat to threat, target to target, assembling half-baked plans and then tearing them down. The rush of blue filled my vision—sunlight scattering off the waves, then trickling through the hologram, then finally being broken into a thousand pieces by the fly’s compound eyes. The effect was hypnotic, and after the first half hour, I felt myself drifting in and out—between the rendezvous and all of the stuff that had gone down at Edwards, it had been maybe four days since I’d gotten any real sleep—
‹Marco,› said David, jerking me out of my reverie.
‹Mmm?›
‹Can I ask you a question?›
‹Shoot,› I said, trying to shake off my fatigue.
There was a long silence, and I wondered what David was thinking—whether he was searching for the right words, or mustering up the courage, or what.
You sure you don’t want more backup on this one? Rachel had asked.
If this goes south, I want us to be exposed as little as possible.
Then why take the kid?
‹You didn’t say goodbye to your dad.›
I waited, but he didn’t say anything else.
‹Well,› I answered, choosing my words carefully. ‹My dad and I have a—uh—complicated relationship.›
I waited again, to see if David wanted to take that in any particular direction, but the other boy remained silent.
‹My mom died a couple of years ago,› I explained. ‹Disappeared. Her sailboat—there was a storm. Dad, he—he pretty much fell apart, after that. I was your age, maybe, ten going on eleven, and he stopped going to work, stopped paying the bills. Some weeks he forgot to buy food. And I—he wasn’t—›
I faltered, feeling the beginnings of a wave of emotion I couldn’t quite identify. ‹I mean, it’s not like he didn’t care,› I said. ‹At least, I think he cared. Or wanted to, at least. But, like, I’d lost my mom, you know? It wasn’t just him who’d—›
I broke off again, the pressure in me building, as if each word was adding to it instead of letting it out. ‹For like two years, he didn’t—he just wasn’t—wasn’t there, not for me, not for anybody. Like he was just gone, like there was just this zombie where my dad used to be. And I was trying to deal with it all, my mom being—being gone, and school and stuff, and then on top of it I had to start taking care of him, not just money and bills but, like, making sure he didn’t—he wasn’t going to—›
If I’d been in my own, human body, I would’ve sucked in a breath. ‹I guess I just never—never really forgave him for it,› I said. ‹I mean—that was like, Jake was getting to have a childhood, Jake and Rachel and everybody else, and I was just—just keeping track, learning how to keep track of all of it. And then all of a sudden he starts getting better, like he’s coming back, and then it turns out it’s just because there was a fucking Yeerk in his head, screwing with his brain chemistry or—or—or just making him be less shitty, I don’t know, and I thought—I thought I had—I thought he was—›
I paused. It had suddenly occurred to me that I was the only one talking—that David had said basically one sentence, and then all of this had come pouring out—
‹I thought I was getting him back,› I said simply. ‹I thought I was getting him back, finally, but no, he just wants to go up there, he wants a fucking slug in his brain, running his whole life, and I just—I just can’t. I can’t deal with that shit. I won’t.›
The strength of the last word took me by surprise as it emerged from my brain, as it slid through the æther and over to David, but I didn’t call it back or correct it. There’d been too much going on over the past week for me to really think about it, but I was mad—had been mad for a while—and then this morning, after everything, when I found out that he wanted to go, that he’d rather turn his body over to Telor than stick around—that he was going to abandon me again—
Yeah. I was feeling it, now—was swept up in it, the hurt and the heartbreak and the rage. For two years I’d kept us afloat, kept us together, sacrificing half my childhood to keep him from falling apart, and now this—
‹My dad—›
I twitched, David’s words snapping me out of my inner monologue, yanking me back into the world—
‹He hit you,› I said, after it became clear that David wasn’t going to finish the thought.
‹Not just me.›
‹Your mom, too?›
‹Yeah. Until—until she left. Left—left me—›
‹Left you with him,› I said, and as I said the words I felt it, felt the fear and loss and confusion like it was all brand-new, and my rage—
—shifted—
—I felt my rage move, felt it grow, felt it stretch out to wrap around David, too—not to consume him, but to protect him, a wall of fire to shield us both from—from—from the shittiness, the sheer unfairness of it all, Tobias and Garrett didn’t have parents either but at least they’d known that they didn’t, instead of having the rug pulled out from under them, finding out that it was all a lie, an illusion, just smoke and ashes—
It was like a dam was breaking, somewhere inside of me, a sudden flood of bile and poison that I’d sealed up so tight I’d almost forgotten it was there—
‹He killed—›
The thought was short—broken, with an edge like a knife—and something told me to wait, this time—to give him space, say nothing, let him come to it himself, when he was ready.
‹He—I had this, this—Henry, I had this hermit crab, his name was Henry, and he just—just—›
‹It’s okay,› I said, even though it was not at all okay.
‹He killed him, and he—he—he made me, made me look—›
‹Fuck him,› I said, putting every last ounce of my weight behind the words, every bit of strength and conviction I could muster through my growing horror. The words weren’t enough, the sentiment wasn’t enough, but it was all I could offer—
‹Fuck him, David,› I repeated. ‹I don’t—I mean, I can’t even begin to understand what—what you went through, what that was like, but fuck. Him. Okay?›
‹I—›
‹Seriously. Everything you’re feeling right now—›
I couldn’t find the words. To know that he was—he was allowed to be mad, allowed to be torn up about it, that it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t have to hide it—
‹I’m glad he’s dead.›
‹No shit,› I said, without even a second’s hesitation. My rage had shifted entirely, was no longer connected to my own story, my own suffering, which seemed pale and small in comparison—was now a bright ring of light and heat with only David at its center. ‹You should feel glad. He sounds like he was a piece of shit.›
Somewhere in the back of my mind, a tiny voice was whispering, trying to catch my attention—was pointing out that I might be projecting a little, might be jumping to conclusions, putting too much stock in the word of this ten-year-old-kid—but I ignored it. David didn’t need my skepticism, didn’t need my doubts—I remembered that all too well, the looks in the eyes of the teachers, the counselors—even Jake, sometimes—even Jake had never really believed me, never really listened—
‹I knew I was going to kill him,› David whispered. ‹When he came at me, and I morphed—I picked, picked the lion—picked it on purpose—›
A part of me froze, at that—stopped, turning to ice on the surface—but then the flood broke through anyway. If a ten-year-old kid had been pushed that far—that just made it worse—
‹You did what you had to do,› I said, my voice still steady.
What else could I say? I mean, given the number of people that I’d killed—
I hit hard, one foot on the man’s shoulder, the other on the top of his skull. I felt bone give way in both places, felt the impact shiver up my legs as he plunged into the water, the waves closing in around me—
‹You did what you had to do,› I repeated grimly. ‹Don’t you ever feel guilty about that, okay? Sometimes—sometimes that’s the only way.›
There was a long, long silence. Long enough for me to think that the conversation was over, that David was closing up again, rebuilding the walls that kept all of it in—
‹Yeah,› he whispered.
Another silence, as all around us the blue light shattered into crystal shards and streamed past us at warp speed.
‹Thanks for—for letting me in,› he said, the words sounding small and vulnerable. ‹When you looked inside my head, I thought—›
He broke off, and I felt another wash of anger at the now-dead Jeremiah Poznanski.
‹Thanks,› he repeated. ‹For not—I didn’t think, if you knew—thank you for giving me—for letting me have—›
‹You deserve it, kid,› I said. ‹Really. If anybody deserves to—to not have to be afraid anymore—›
I trailed off.
David said nothing.
We rode the rest of the way in silence.
* * *
‹There—do you see it?›
I scanned the sky from my hiding place and shook my head.
‹Coming in between those two hills, about halfway up—›
“Kodep,” I whispered. “Can you see it?”
Bzzzzzz.
“Are we good?”
Bzzzzzz.
I was lying flat on my belly on the top of a giant, house-sized boulder, all overgrown with moss and vines and a riot of small plants, peering out between the leaves that hid me almost completely from view. Kodep was beside me, his hologram providing an extra layer of concealment. David was in osprey morph two hundred yards away, deep within the branches of a drooping, wide-leafed tree.
It had taken us a few passes to be sure we’d found the right place. There was a string of small clearings near the coordinates Rachel had given us, like a row of bright, inverted islands in between the dark jungle hills. It had been David who’d spotted the smoking gun—a trio of fresh, shield-shaped depressions sunk into the grass to one side of the largest clearing, the footprint of the scout fighter’s landing pads. Kodep had scanned the area for five minutes, looking for any sort of alarm or recording device or booby trap, but there had been nothing.
‹You can’t see it at all?› David asked.
I shook my head again, not sure whether he could still see it or whether Kodep had extended the hologram to hide me completely. As far as I could tell, the sky was totally empty.
‹He’s coming in slow,› David said. ‹Looks like he’s heading for the exact same spot, actually. Watch the grass.›
I watched, feeling my heartrate rising—
‹How about now?›
I nodded.
Without warning, without any sound at all, the three depressions had just—vanished, the Visser’s ship’s hologram replacing the bent and crushed grass with an image of upright, gently swaying stalks.
Thorough.
‹I’m not seeing any movement,› David reported.
“Kodep?” I whispered.
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.
This was the moment of truth. If the Visser had some means of detecting us—if he could see the morph control signal, like the Chee could, or could trace the wave in Z-space like Serenity, then David was about to have a very bad time.
The original plan had called for me to be the one in morph, with David in his own, human body a safe distance away, ready to report back to the others if anything went wrong.
But David had absolutely insisted, had refused to hear any argument, and in the end, I hadn’t had the heart to turn him down. It wasn’t like being unmorphed was all that much safer—for the moment, I was still inside Kodep’s hologram, but if the Visser actually went after David, Kodep was going to be moving faster than I could keep up—
‹Still here, still nothing happening.›
Long minutes passed, with David checking in every thirty seconds or so—
‹Wait—›
I lifted myself up half an inch, peering through the thick leaves covering my face.
‹Something’s happening. Hatch opening, maybe?›
I still couldn’t see anyth—
Ah.
‹You see him?›
I nodded, the motion much more furtive than before.
The Visser had appeared out of nowhere, his form seeming to materialize from thin air as he stepped past the boundary of his ship’s cloaking field. He was larger than Ax—heavier, stronger looking, his tail maybe two feet longer, his shoulders a foot or so higher. He was completely hairless, his skin a dark, purplish brown, his muscles bulging and rippling as he straightened in the sunlight, his stalks searching in every direction. There were two bandoliers crossing his chest, each holding a pair of Dracon beams, and a utility belt fastened around his midsection with ten or so other objects dangling off of it.
‹What’s he doing?› David asked.
I didn’t answer, of course—just stayed as still as I could, watching through the gaps in the foliage, trying to convince myself that it was caution and sense that kept me so still, and not fear.
The Visser had dropped to all-sixes, in the position Ax called river-run, his main eyes pointed at the ground while his stalks continued to twist and swivel. He moved forward slowly, his head and shoulders drifting back and forth in an oddly familiar motion—
Is he…smelling?
Pausing, he lowered his head even closer to the ground, and after a moment he stepped forward again—stepped forward and pivoted, so that his right middle leg was directly over the spot he’d just been examining. Moving with deliberate precision, he placed the foot and stood still for a moment, muscles in his calf twitching—
‹He’s eating?›
It was true. As he stepped away, I could see that the grass where he’d placed his foot was shorter, had been chewed down to the root. He took a few more steps, then paused again—then a few more—a few more—a few more—
‹Either he’s got some kind of morph sensor, or he’s not afraid,› David observed. ‹I’m seeing lots of bugs and small critters nearby, and he’s ignoring them all.›
I said nothing—just continued to watch, the adrenaline in my veins fighting against the pain and fatigue of lying still on the sharp, volcanic stone. Even alone, moving sedately through the grass, the Visser conveyed a sense of strength, of threat—like a bull, a buffalo, ready to abandon at a moment’s notice the outward appearance of languor. Once, there was the sharp crack of a stick breaking in the woods, and in an instant he was upright, his movement so quick I hadn’t even registered it—a weapon in either hand, his tail poised and ready, main eyes frozen as if carved from stone while his stalks continued to sweep the terrain at his back.
Probably not shielded, then, said the part of me that was still processing things logically—the part that was using logic as a distraction, that wanted to pretend it wasn’t terrified to be lying on a rock fifty yards away from the leader of the Yeerk invasion, the murderer of Elfangor, the architect of Ventura’s destruction—
I could feel every ounce of the tension in my shoulders, the maddening trickle of sweat down my back. I was starting to regret my caution, all of my careful, pessimistic planning—if I’d just brought a handheld shredder with me—
No. No second-guessing. Just because it looks like it would’ve worked doesn’t mean it was the wrong move, given what you knew at the time. And besides—who’s to say he doesn’t have some kind of sensor that would’ve picked up a powered weapon? Ax said he’d be able to spot radioactive material a thousand miles away—
A gun, then—
You don’t know how to shoot a gun. You just want it to go away, so you don’t have to be scared anymore.
That—okay, maybe—
The plan worked. You know what he’s up to, and you aren’t dead. Stop second-guessing yourself and just sit tight.
Or at least, the plan had worked so far.
After a time, the Visser stopped his slow grazing and reared up, centaur-like, stretching his forelegs in exactly the same way that a human would stretch their arms after spending an hour in a car. Twisting around to take in the landscape with all four eyes, he stretched out his tail and—
He’s…jogging?
Another half-hour passed in boredom and tension, as the arch-nemesis of the human race galloped and gallivanted around the clearing, from time to time disappearing behind rocks or trees or folds in the terrain, occasionally stopping to nibble some bush or flower or to dip a hoof into one of the many shallow, green pools dotting the clearing. I stayed as still as I could, listening to the stream of David’s reports, the air growing heavier around me as the sun climbed higher into the sky—
‹Okay,› David said. ‹It looks like he’s coming back.›
He came into view around a distant stand of willowy, white-barked trees, back down on all-sixes, moving at a pace somewhere between a walk and a run, his path direct and purposeful.
‹See him?›
I nodded fractionally—uselessly—careful not to move the collection of leaves that were keeping me hidden behind Kodep’s hologram.
‹Looks like—yeah, okay.›
Without pausing or breaking stride, the Visser moved straight toward the point where he’d first emerged, vanishing in the blink of an eye as he stepped across the boundary. An interminable five minutes followed, and then—
‹Taking off. Can you see?›
I couldn’t, any more than I’d been able to see him land earlier. But I could see the moment when the cloaking field lifted off the ground, the upright grass vanishing and revealing the three crushed patches underneath.
We waited another half-hour before moving, as planned—right up to David’s time limit—and then—
‹Well, that was anticlimactic, wasn’t it?› David asked, as we huddled together on Kodep’s shoulder.
It had been, but—
‹Anti-climactic is good,› I said. ‹Anti-climactic is what we want.›
Four or five of us, maybe, spaced out around the clearing—the tarantula hawk, or a cobra, or both—and some guns—maybe throw a grenade into the ship—
I looked up at the sky as Kodep carried us forward through the jungle—at the wide open blue into which the Visser’s ship had vanished.
‹Besides, I have a feeling there’s going to be plenty of excitement soon enough.›
* * *
“He’s been coming down to Earth to graze?”
‹In hindsight, we should’ve thought of that, as a possibility. Yeerk ships aren’t designed with Andalite sensibilities in mind—they don’t have the large open spaces that keep us from getting—this isn’t quite the right word, but let’s say cabin fever.›
“But—in the middle of a war—”
‹Do you stop eating in the middle of a war? If you look at it from his point of view, he’s exercising caution and restraint—normally, an adult Andalite would graze at least twice a cycle—roughly every other day. And he’s selected his grazing sites at random, and he sends down a scout ship to give the all-clear, and he goes cloaked and armed—it makes sense to us.›
“But—but how do you even know if Earth plants are edible?”
‹Many of them aren’t, but few of them pose a threat to an Andalite digestive tract. We’re guessing it’s more for the form of the activity than for actual sustenance.›
“This is fun and all,” I interrupted. “But—the war?”
“Ah, right—sorry. Uh. Short answers. Things are moving. Tyagi has the hyperdrive, she said thanks but she still isn’t exactly happy with us and we don’t know how much she’s not saying. Based on the Marauder’s Map, Ax thinks that she might be funneling resources up to the mothership already, using the other Bug fighter—”
“Wha—wait, no, okay. Okay, I get it. I get it, but—seriously?”
“Look at it from her point of view. If they decide the Andalite threat is still live, they’re going to start taking stuff anyway, and if they do ally with us, we’re going to start sending support eventually. Politically, this is win-win.”
“That’s not public, is it?”
“No, Tyagi—or Evans, I guess—they haven’t made any kind of public pronouncements yet. Nothing like the proposal she told Tobias about, anyway. I think they must still be negotiating.”
“So that whole betrayed-and-tried-to-kidnap-you thing—”
“Under the rug. Or under the bridge. Whichever. I mean, it’s not like there’s anything to be gained from making a stink about it.”
“Public opinion?”
“Public opinion is the world’s probably going to end in a year, not in eighteen days.”
I sighed. “None of this is good.”
Jake shrugged. “What else is new?”
“What about Visser Three?”
“If he’s tumbled to Telor, he’s playing it sly. Rachel’s been watching the map like a hawk, says everything looks the same as it has since Washington. He left Vietnam, stopped by the mothership for a few hours, did a few loops around the Earth, and is now back in that spot in deep space he keeps going to.”
“So basically, what’s going on is—”
“Nothing. Yeah.”
“That make sense to you?”
“Not really, no. We figure it means somebody knows something we don’t. But we don’t know who, and we don’t know what.”
“Maybe Visser Three has some kind of tech that’ll block an asteroid? And that’s why they’re not worried?”
“Ax?”
‹Short answer is no way. We admit our knowledge here is limited, but—well, you’re just teenagers. What would you say, if someone claimed to have an Iron Man suit that could withstand being in the middle of a nuclear blast?›
I felt a quiver of discomfort at Ax/Temrash casually tossing off a reference to human comic book characters, but I set it aside. “Speaking of tech the Visser’s got—”
‹Erek showed us pictures and spectrographic analysis of the equipment the Visser was carrying on his belt. We’ve identified almost all of it—there are just two items we can’t pin down.›
“What’s the rundown?”
‹Besides the four Dracon beams, he’s got two spare power packs, one emergency ration kit, one personal stunner, two stasis tubes—presumably with Yeerks inside—a Naharan mass-wave mapper that could conceivably be used to detect morphing indirectly, a handheld Z-space comm, and a—the closest word for it is multitool.›
“A Swiss Army knife.”
‹A technologically advanced version, yes. There’s also a scanner of a type that I suspect could be tuned to detect energetic particle activity—it would warn him of the presence of advanced weaponry unless that weaponry was specially shielded.›
“Would it detect a gun or a grenade?”
‹No, although it would detect either a nuclear bomb or any of the beam weapons we have at hand.›
“What about the two unidentified objects? Any guesses?”
‹One of them may be a device for creating static shields by aligning charged atmospheric particles. It bears a certain resemblance to the object Rachel took off of his drone at the high school. The other—we’re not sure.›
I turned to look at Jake. “That’s—a lot.”
He nodded grimly. “I’m starting to reconsider the Chee,” he said quietly. “I know that rules out lethal strategies, but as I’ve been talking to Ax it seems less and less likely we could hit him with a missile anyway, and—I mean, we’re just like a billion times more likely to pull this off, with their help.”
“So what would the plan be—provoke him into violence, just like on the Bug fighter?”
“It’s either that, or we go back to maybe doing this together with the military.”
“We know we can get close with morphs and with Chee technology,” I pointed out. “We don’t know that we can get close with anything else. And if we blow this once—he’s not stupid. He’ll just build himself a greenhouse out on Mars.”
Which—why hasn’t he done that already?
“The other alternative is leaving it up to the military entirely.”
I was silent for a moment. That had occurred to me maybe a dozen times on the long trip across the Pacific. Certainly it seemed like the easier option. And if I was right that we had been under unnatural pressure the day before, then it would make sense not to do the thing that they—whoever they were—wanted us to do, even after a delay.
But—
Would it work?
“Look,” I said. “I’m all for not going toe-to-toe with Visser Three. Just watching him gave me the creeps, and that was with Kodep keeping me safe and shielded. Listening to Rachel talk about how he was at the high school—and that wasn’t even his real body—”
I shrugged. “In the end, the only thing that matters is pulling it off. Do we think they have better odds than us?”
“Normally, I’d say yes,” Jake said. “I mean, this is literally what they do, right? But—”
He glanced over his shoulder, to where Erek and Rachel were sitting side by side, poking at the Marauder’s Map. “Tyagi’s ready to fold. I think—I think she’ll do whatever it takes to get a few million humans off planet, even if it means letting the Visser win outright. I mean, she already pretty much caved to Telor, after they double-crossed her in the desert.”
And maybe it’s better for all of us to die than for that to happen. “So what, then?” I asked.
“Like I said, I’ve been thinking about the Chee. It feels to me like they’re the difference between a hail Mary and a sure thing, or at least as close to a sure thing as we’re gonna get. And they won’t work with the military.”
“But they’ll work with us?”
Jake nodded. “We kept our promise with the Bug fighter,” he said. “And they’re already on board for the Serenity strike, to make sure there’s no collateral damage.”
I bit my lip, looking back and forth between Jake and Ax.
‹Listen,› I said, switching to thought-speak. ‹I know I’ve said this a bunch of times, and I know, Tobias had a point about tying ourselves in knots, but—the Chee know about the deadline. Right? I mean, Erek and Rictic were there at the rendezvous when Tyagi explained it to Dragar.›
‹Yeah,› Jake said, and from his tone I could tell that he’d seen it, too.
I shifted my gaze to Ax. ‹If they are just playing along—this is the time to betray us,› I said. ‹This is the time they’ll pull the rug out. If the Andalites don’t back down—Visser Three is their absolute best hope for saving all the dogs. If we’re right, and he really is courting them—›
‹Except that we can get the Andalites to back down if he’s dead,› Jake argued.
‹The Chee can’t count on that, though. They probably can’t even think about that.›
‹Captured, then. It’s the same thing—if we can get the Visser out of the picture—›
‹There’s still no guarantee the Andalites will call off the strike. They didn’t call it off yet, right, Ax?›
‹No,› Ax answered. ‹They did not. But it has become a source of political debate, and the Council may be overridden—›
‹There’s no guarantee of anything,› Jake interrupted, his voice rising. ‹None of this is clear cut. But we have to do something. This is the one edge we’ve got.›
‹Then that’s the question,› I said. ‹Right? I mean, we’ve got two days, don’t we?›
‹If he sticks to the same pattern, yeah. If nothing insane happens before then. Which, let’s be real—›
‹Yeah, yeah. But okay, fine—those are the options. Us with the Chee, us without the Chee, us with U.S. support, the U.S. by themselves.›
‹Or nothing. Something else, instead.›
‹Or something else. But that’s it—that’s our job for the next two days, is to sit down and think this through.›
* * *
‹Tobias here. Map just went offline—›
I felt an electric jolt of apprehension that seemed to pass through every cell of my body.
‹—looks like Rachel and the others got through. Ditching the tablet now, over.›
Here we go.
‹Marco here,› I broadcast. ‹Before you go—what was the final ETA? Over.›
‹It read nine minutes right before it died, so call it eight and a half, to be safe. I’ll be back in range in three, over.›
‹Jake. In position, still good to go. Marco? David?›
‹Marco here. I’m all set, over.›
‹David here. I’m in a good spot, but it’s definitely harder to see than we thought, over.›
‹Jake. Tobias will guide you. Just sit tight. Checking in with the Chee now—›
Shifting in place, I noticed that my hood had come open of its own accord, the king cobra’s body responding instinctively to the tension I was feeling. For a moment, I thought about trying to force myself to relax—
Fuck it. No point.
We were about to go into battle with possibly the most dangerous creature in the entire galaxy. It would be wrong to be relaxed.
‹—Chee are all set, over.›
There were six of them, in total—one at each point of the compass, and two of them covering Jake, who was standing exposed near the center of the clearing, wearing only his morph armor. We’d gone back and forth over whether to bring more, but as Erek had pointed out, if six of the androids couldn’t cut it, bringing more just meant creating more casualties.
‹Erek’s on the countdown. Eight minutes. Over.›
I flexed the cobra’s muscles, fighting the urge to move, to hide. My mind was racing, looping over and over again, uselessly reviewing every memory, every step of the plan, everything that could possibly be relevant, searching for meaning and detail.
If we all die in eight minutes, why did it happen?
Betrayal by the Chee, detection by the Visser, intervention by the Ellimist, some weapon we hadn’t anticipated, the arrival of U.S. military forces, the arrival of Telor’s forces, a nuclear blast, getting crushed by the Visser’s ship, getting spotted by the Visser and murdered just because, getting knocked unconscious and sleeping past the time limit, getting eaten by a fox—
‹Seven and a half.›
Had we made the right choice, bringing the Chee? Had we made the right choice, leaving Tyagi in the dark? Had we made the right choice, bringing David and Tobias and sending Tom and Rachel and Garrett and Ax to take out Serenity? Had we made the right choice, coming without weapons of any kind?
‹Seven›
I could feel the pressure mounting, each second magnifying my doubt, my uncertainty. Had I missed something, had I forgotten something, had I gotten something wrong, there were seven minutes left, we could still pull the plug—
—no, you can’t, Serenity’s gone, there’s no way to track him now, you burned that bridge for good—
—okay, but we could still bail, we should get out of there, it was crazy to do this in person when we hadn’t even tried sending in a missile yet—
‹Six and a half.›
‹Tobias here. I’m back in range. Still no visual contact, over.›
I twisted my body to look up, the cobra’s vision every bit as sharp as a human’s but with additional sensitivity in the infrared, so that the clear Wyoming sky looked like it was filled with clouds, or aurora, pockets of heat that bubbled and swirled—
Tobias is exposed, he’s the only thing up there, tell him to get out of there—
‹Tobias. Marco here. Maybe time to find cover? Over.›
What’s with this MAYBE that’s not how you talk when you’re trying to keep somebody from getting themselves KILLED—
‹Tobias here. You said he didn’t pay any attention to the animals in Vietnam, right? Over.›
That was Vietnam, the place was CRAWLING with life, you’re the ONLY BIRD IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW—
‹Marco. That—that’s correct. I’m just getting a little jittery down here, over.›
‹Five minutes. Tobias, this is Jake. I’m with Marco—no point taking extra risks. Head for that pine on the south side, the one that’s a few trees back from the edge of the clearing. Over.›
‹Roger.›
The voice was resigned, skeptical—but he’d agreed. I flicked my tongue, tasting the dry mountain air. Tobias in the trees, David in the bushes, Jake out in the middle, me as backup with quick-strike capability.
The Visser—one Andalite body with who knew how many deadly alien morphs, plus four Dracon beams and a utility belt with a dozen different gadgets, not to mention a bonus prize that might do almost literally anything—
Calm the fuck down, I told myself.
But all my brain produced in response was an image of a pair of dice, tumbling over and over, with a sound like thunder.
‹Four and a half.›
I was waiting for the calm to come over me—the peace, the sense of inevitability, the feeling of having done the hard part, having stepped out into open space and being in free fall. But it hadn’t happened yet—still felt like there was time to think, room to take action, we weren’t past the point of no return, if we died and it was because of something I could have thought of it would be all my fault—
‹Four.›
Six Chee. Judging by what I’d seen Erek do, six Chee could probably crumple the Visser’s ship up like it was newspaper.
Or they could crumple us.
I shifted again, nervous energy running up and down my six-foot spine. That was just stupid, it was stupid to worry about the Chee suddenly turning violent when there were plenty of real things that could lead to disaster just fine—
‹Three and a half.›
Maybe Telor did know about Serenity—maybe they infiltrated Atlas Labs, or they had somebody at Edwards, or they just figured it out, and the Visser knew, too, because he was spying on them, so he knows we know and he knows we just blew it up, he’s ready for us, he knows that now’s the moment—
‹Three.›
It was because there’d never been a countdown before—that was why I was spiraling out so hard, why I couldn’t settle. There’d always been uncertainty, right before go time—always a bit of panic, a bit of second-guessing. But there’d never been one moment when it would all come to a head, one moment when we might all just die—
‹Two and a half.›
I’m sorry, Jake, I thought, the words forming in my head just shy of the conveyor belt that would turn them into thought-speak, that would carry them out into the world where there would be effects, and consequences. If this all goes south—
Something is wrong, another part of me thought. Something is off, I’m too freaked out, there has to be some reason, something I picked up on without realizing it, what is it, what’s the key—
‹Two.›
Bail. Now.
It was an almost irresistible impulse—irresistible except for the fact that everything should be resistible, you could never be one hundred percent sure, it felt like it would be wrong to give in without knowing why—
Wrong enough that you’d rather die?
I started to form the thought—
‹Tobias here. I think I see it.›
Too late.
For a moment, everything seemed to fall away—all thought, all emotion. An infinite silence, stretching out and out and out—
‹Yeah. Coming in from the east. Definitely a cloaked ship. Coming in slow, like David described.›
Slow so as not to make sounds, not to leave a contrail in the clouds that a cloaking device couldn’t hide—
But there were no clouds, something about it didn’t fit—
Shut up and focus—
‹Original ETA is one minute. Get ready, everybody.›
I peered skyward again, searching through the swirls of infrared for a blob of hidden heat—
FLASH.
A burst of light, somehow solid seeming, as if I hadn’t really seen it but instead been hit by it, my vision whiting out in response.
‹What the—›
FLASH-FLASH-FLASH.
Three more bursts, close together like someone knocking on a door.
‹Jake—›
‹Marco—›
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FLASH.
‹Shit. Shit!›
‹Jake, what—›
‹The Chee. The Chee are down, Jake’s out in the open—›
What—
No.
‹Run,› I said.
I didn’t shout. There was no room for panic; shouting wouldn’t do any good.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV.
‹What was—›
‹I’m demorphing!›
‹Tobias? What?›
‹I’m demorphing and it’s not me! It’s—it’s happening by itself!›
I felt a wave of choking horror and started to move—
It was happening to me, too.
I could feel it, feel my body slowing, thickening, my human form beginning to swell out of the snake’s thin shape.
‹Tobias, get down from there while you still can—›
‹David—›
‹Me, too—›
‹—hide, stay out of sight—Jake, are you clear?›
‹N—no, I—›
I could feel the despair in his voice like a knife in my chest.
We’re dead.
‹I can’t get out. There—there’s a force field.›
‹The Chee,› I shouted. ‹What happened to the Chee?›
‹They’re—they fell, they’re frozen, they’re frozen and their holograms are off, I think they’re completely shut down—›
‹Jake, where are you?›
‹I’m at the northwest corner, I’m—›
The thought cut off abruptly—
—he’s fine, it’s the demorphing, he just lost thought-speak, that’s all, he’s alive, he’s fine—
A part of me seemed to shake its head sadly.
I pushed myself up onto hands and knees—onto the stubs of my hands and knees, my body unsteady, the limbs still pushing their way out of what was left of the cobra, the skin still black and mottled brown. Lifting my head, I looked up into the sky—
Death.
That was the word that flashed across my mind, as the cloaking field faded away and the ship came into view, a hundred feet above the grassy meadow. It was huge—bigger than a Bug fighter, bigger than Elfangor’s ship, a shape like a medieval battle-ax with two giant, curved wings, the whole thing painted black as night—
I felt the air around me turn solid, my whole body suddenly squeezed by pressure as if I’d been teleported a mile below the surface of the ocean. There was a jerk, and I was flying forward, my feet dragging across the weeds and brambles, my arms held out stiff like a scarecrow.
Oh god oh god oh god—
My mind was splitting, tearing in two, one half a gibbering mess of raw, nuclear panic while the other was suddenly cold and distant, as if watching myself from the outside—as if it were some kind of math problem in school, oh that’s interesting—
Die. I was going to die.
I couldn’t turn my head, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Tobias being dragged forward, too, russet feathers still disappearing into his skin, his eyes bulging in terror. We were being pulled toward the center, the dark shadowy place directly beneath the hovering ship, where there were already three bodies waiting—
Jake.
And—
It was just like Jake had said. Erek and Rictic were slumped, lying face first in the dirt, their limbs splayed out at awkward angles, like suits of armor that had been kicked over—
They didn’t look asleep. They looked dead.
“Jake,” I started to say, as the force dragging me forward lightened and slowed,as I saw David floating in from the other side of the clearing. “Jake, I’m—”
And then the world unfolded.
HOW?
It was like the inside of a dream, a dream where I was god and could see everything—everything, inside and out and past and future, see every part and particle as well as every whole, an infinity of possibility charted out along infinite timelines, arranged in infinite space—
LEERAN HYPERSIGHT.
They weren’t words. It wasn’t thought-speak. The knowledge was simply there, had always been there, took no time at all to be understood—although even as I understood it, I saw myself understanding it, and saw myself seeing myself, and saw myself seeing that, as well, a recursive chain, a billion Marcos and each aware of every other—
—just as I was aware of—
VISSER—
JAKE—
TOBIAS—
DAVID—
It was all too much, more information than my brain could hold, than any brain could hold, memory and presence and premonition all swirling and blending together. I wasn’t even terrified anymore—there wasn’t room for terror. I wasn’t afraid, wasn’t angry, wasn’t happy, wasn’t anything. I was a conduit, hollow and vast and infinitely thin, and the entire universe was flowing through me, every bit being read at once, every bit being read in order, everything that had ever happened all in a row one after another and all of it compressed down into a single, endless moment.
There was a conversation, between the five of us, and it had already been had, and it had always been happening, and it had ended a thousand times, and always the same way, and the horror that I’d felt at the end of it had already echoed across time and space, was filling me completely even though it hadn’t actually begun—
YES. THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
It was the end, it was the beginning, it was the truth that underscored and permeated every facet of my being, and Jake’s being, and Tobias’s, and David’s—
David. His betrayal crashed over me like a tidal wave—I had to—even as it was obvious that he hadn’t had to, that he simply didn’t care, had never cared, and I could see it, the moment that it had all become possible, such a tiny slip, I had seen it, the darkness inside him, the festering rot, it would have been my fault, I would have felt guilt but the knowledge had been taken from me, erased from memory, it had happened on purpose, someone had done this to us—
HOW?
An online auction, a little blue box for sale—as soon as we'd decided to stay, decided to die, he'd begun looking for another way out, another way off, anything to make it through the next three weeks, how could we be willing to just sit there and do nothing, just let the end come without fighting it—
And alongside it, alongside and above and within the fear and rage and confusion I saw David’s fate unfurling before me, the history of the future, and I screamed alongside him, it couldn’t end like that, it couldn’t, not after everything else—
I’M EXTREMELY INTERESTED IN BUYING YOUR LITTLE BLUE BOX. TELL ME THE BEST OFFER YOU’VE RECEIVED SO FAR AND I’LL DOUBLE IT.
And after that—
VISSER THREE—IT’S ME, IT’S DAVID, PLEASE DON’T GO, PLEASE DON’T SHOOT, DON'T REACT, THEY'RE HERE, THEY'RE WATCHING—
And before—
I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE THE BLUE BOX. BUT I CAN GET IT TO YOU, AND I CAN GET YOU THE ANIMORPHS TOO.
Laughter, black laughter—
SOME PROMISES ARE WORTH KEEPING, LITTLE HUMAN, AND SOME ARE NOT.
And it happened, the Yeerk pouring into David’s ear as he screamed, not again, this couldn’t be happening again—
And it wasn’t, not yet. We were still at the beginning of the conversation, and David’s fate still lay in the future—the distant, unreachable future, an infinity away—
There was a creature named David, and he screamed as his father lifted a can of gasoline.
There was a creature named Jake, and he threw scissors scissors rock paper rock rock rock paper and his brother chased him into a closet and trapped him there.
There was a creature named Tobias, and he looked up from his creaking, ancient bunk bed to see a tiny, scrawny kid with a stained t-shirt pulled all the way up over his face.
There was a creature named Marco, and his mother was taken, taken up into the sky, her sailboat left to drift until it crashed onto the rocks.
There was a creature named Alloran, and the other children gathered around him, pushing on him, pushing, pushing with their minds, pushing him to believe, and the truth inside him crumpled and shrank, collapsing down to a tiny point as dense as a neutron star, and then it burst.
There was a creature named Esplin, and it wanted desperately to be allowed to live.
There was a creature named Marco, and it wrenched its mind up out of the loop, lifted its eyes from the glitter of tiny crystals and turned up toward the vast, drifting planets—
THERE IS NO ESCAPE, said the Visser, and it was true—they could see that it was true, see the map laid out before them, see that no rescue ever came, that no rescue was even possible.
Of course, the knowledge did not stop them from trying, even as they knew in their bones that it was futile. They were bound to try, conscripted by history, compelled by the laws of time. They would break, and despair, but first they would struggle and fight, because that was how it went, how it had already gone a thousand times, how it would go a thousand more.
There was a creature named Marco, and it struggled to remember itself—to separate itself from the Visser, who it had always been, and David who it had always been, and Jake, who it had always been, and Tobias, who it had always been, and Marco, who it had always been—
Wait.
There was confusion, but it folded before the revelation—
SO THE CHEE HAVE THE CUBE, THEN.
There was laughter, and triumph, and wild, desperate fear, the lines mixing and blending in subtle symmetry—for the Chee had already been bought, it was within the Visser’s power to give them everything they had ever wanted, and they would know that it was true, for it already was true—they would sell the Earth for their true heart, their true purpose, the dogs that they would do all within their power to keep alive.
And yes, Rachel and Tom and Garrett and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill needed to die—
—the creature named Tobias screamed, as it had already been screaming, as it would always scream—
—but they were as nothing, next to the cube. Distractions, irritants, tiny flaws in an infinite perfect sphere. Their guard would be down. They would be easily dispatched. It would not even require his direct attention, given the tools at hand, they had earplugs but not all of them—
—the creature named David screamed, as it had already been screaming, as it would always scream—
—yes, that would do nicely, the clones were not ready for the sharing but one of them would suffice for this. He would send a copy of himself, wearing the body of David Poznanski, and in the meantime the Chee would bring him the cube and there would be infinite dogs, dogs forever, paws and tails and flopping ears stretching off into the distant future—
—the creature named Jake was watching in horror, was reaching, reaching, reaching, trying to reach Marco, to touch, to comfort, to reassure—it’s going to be okay—the lie reflected upon itself, not okay, none of this was okay, how could they have my MOTHER—
There was laughter from the Visser.
There was shock from the Visser, sheer and utter shock.
YOU FOOLS, a voice whispered, the words echoing through eternity. HOW COULD YOU IGNORE IT? HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE IT?
But of course they hadn’t noticed, didn’t have the pieces, the perspective. They did not know that you could not stop time, that nothing could stop time, that time was written into the fabric of the universe, that if something seemed to stop time it must absolutely be pretending, even a god could not do it, even a god that stepped out of thin air, its skin glowing faintly blue beneath long white hair, eyes that sparkled with the light of the stars—
The memory, the memory was what proved it—in morph, always in morph, he had been in morph when his memory had been changed, they had been in morph when time had stopped, it was a fraud, all a fraud, Seerow had not created the emulator, could not possibly have created it—could not in a thousand years have produced the computation required for even a single morph. The computer had already existed, had merely been tapped, repurposed—with every morph they entered its domain, placed themselves under its control, their very minds written into its software, it knew everything they knew and more, it had been watching them, reading them, and it could make them see things, make them think things, make them do things, he would never morph again they would never morph again he shuddered to think how many times he had placed himself within its power—
YES. THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
The black god, the mad puppetmaster, they had seen it, or at least its avatar, and now so many things made sense—there was a fountain of joy, joy spouting from the heart of the universe, joy sparkling across all of time and space, he had never expected to find this revelation in the minds of mere human children, he knew where his enemy was, now, it was obvious—
Revelation.
Revelation.
Revelation…
A PROPHECY, YOU SAY? IT DID NOT DO MUCH FOR CASSIE WITHERS, I SEE.
The creature named Marco screamed, as it had already been screaming, as it would always scream, because that face should not have been there, it should not have been there, he reached deep into the heart of the Visser and what he found was impossible—
She had been taken, she was one of them, and the Visser was going to kill her—
YOUR MOTHER?
BUT OF COURSE—
OF COURSE SHE WOULD BE.
HOW COULD SHE NOT?
The creature named Jake was broken, was broken into ten billion pieces but still it tried, the shards tried to pull themselves together, to wrap around the wound that had torn itself into Marco, the knife plunging all the way into his heart, she was alive but there was nothing he could do, he couldn’t save her—
YES. THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
They were closer now, to the prophesied conclusion—were halfway through the dance, the pages of the script drifting into the fire, half of the secrets had been learned—
HOW?
The dance, the dance, the dance, ten thousand million billion trillion puppets all twitched into place, the Skrit Na had taken his mother two years ago, she had been trapped the whole time, screaming, but he was dead, he couldn’t help her, the creature named Marco had already died, that was how the conversation ended, how it ended every time, there was no way out and no escape—
I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DIE, said David.
I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DIE, said the Visser.
But only one of them would succeed, only one of them had solved the mystery, found the key, soon he would spread throughout the galaxy, would consume Telor, would consume the Earth, would consume all, all except the Arn and the dogs, it was close, so close, and the cube was not even necessary but it would simplify so many things, bring the end closer, but he knew too that he would never use it, for it was too dangerous—a conduit to the gods, the pathway to their heart—
Pathway?
A MARVELOUS JOKE.
They had had everything they needed, to put all of the pieces together—Serenity only functioned because the system had been surrounded by a rift, a magnificent rift, the work of the gods themselves, a vast expanse of slowtime across which all things moved at a crawl, unless they traveled along the bridge—
But the bridge was not made for the Andalite’s rock, the Andalite’s rock was doomed to fail, would be caught like a fly in honey, there had never been a threat, he had told the Chee immediately but they had not aided him as well as he had hoped, had been willing to betray him here, and for that, perhaps, he would punish them, would extract satisfaction from them, and they would let him, for the sake of the dogs—
There never was any chance the Andalites could blow up the planet.
All of their panic and desperation, all of their haste and concern, Tyagi’s strategy of appeasement and capitulation, it had all been unfounded, unnecessary, built on a foundation of wrong assumptions. The Visser laughed, dark and empty laughter—again, as so many times before, he had plotted and schemed and carefully maneuvered, trying to nudge the pieces into place as if they were intelligent, never certain when he might meet resistance, and now he found that he could have simply lied, could have just claimed there was an extraplanetary threat, and the result would have been the same. It was all a trap, a trap meant to draw them here, to their fate, to their doom, they had marched inexorably along a path of puppets, of fools, and they had given the Visser the Chee to play with, and now he would unlock all of their secrets, their technology—
MARCO, CALM DOWN—MARCO, HOLD IT TOGETHER, AT LEAST SHE’S ALIVE, AS LONG AS SHE’S ALIVE THERE’S STILL HOPE—
But there was no hope. The conversation had ended, and only David and the Visser had walked away, and the Visser was going to kill her, she had already been in his way and this made it all the sweeter. They had failed, a thousand times they had failed, and now they were going to die as they always did, and there was nothing they could do about it.
—the creature named Marco screamed, as it had already been screaming, as it would always scream, but only for a little while longer—
The stream shifted again, the feeling of a claw digging through flesh, a dragon seeking a bauble within its treasures.
THERE IS ANOTHER ONE?
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Temrash three-one-three, they were back on the mesa, Tom and Jake and Tobias and Garrett and Rachel and Marco and Ax, and the Visser was with them, climbed inside with them, saw—
He saw—
The beginning of a new ending, a possibility to match his own, not one but two—
That possibility, he must end at once.
The challenger, the interloper, the upstart, the harbinger of doom, the Andalites must not know, the Yeerks must not know, it was obvious but they were all so stupid, none of them could see if he could just keep their eyes away for a little while longer—
He could not send Telor. Telor had betrayed him already, could no longer be trusted in any matter of import—
AH, YES. THIS ONE WILL DO.
It was time—the time they had all seen coming, the time that meant the beginning of the end. He stunned the creature David, stunned it and drew it upward, upward into the hold where he was waiting, where it was waiting, there were a thousand of him and now there would be one more, David and Esplin, Esplin and David, they would go forth and they would kill Aximili, erase his possibility, there would never be another like Esplin and in the meantime he would seize the cube, the cube was the key to all of it, had always been, past and present and future—
—the creature named David screamed—
—their thoughts and feelings were like a book, held out in front to be read, the words dancing with light and life, but there was nothing to stop him from looking further, digging deeper, pulling other books off the shelves at will, and he dove into the mind of the Visser, searching frantically for something, anything—anything he could use, anything they could use to fight, to resist, to escape, there had to be some way out if only he could just find it—
And there—
—in a place so far from Earth that his mind could not fathom the distance, the sheer enormity of space and time and reality—
—the image of a face, smug and triumphant, wielding the power of status and politics, a vile worm with no vision, concerned only for its own place, and it wore the face of his mother—
HOW?
HOW?
HOW?
The word echoed through the five of them, crawling its way back to the beginning of the dance, doubling and tripling and seeping into everything else as everything else seeped into it. It was impossible, inconceivable, the pain of it striking him along every fault, buffeting every nerve, of all the ways he had thought the universe could be cruel he had never, could never, could not in a thousand years have imagined this, it was as if the gods themselves had singled him out for punishment, things like this just didn’t happen by accident.
His mother was Visser One.
His mother was Visser One, and Visser Three was going to kill her.
JUST COME OUT AND—AND DO SOMETHING, WHATEVER IT IS YOU’VE BEEN DOING, ONLY DON’T SHOOT, DON’T LEAVE, IF THEY THINK THEY CAN CATCH YOU, IF THEY THINK THEY CAN CATCH YOU THEY’LL TRY, AND YOU CAN CATCH THEM INSTEAD.
But of course, he would never let them see what he’d been doing. There would have to be a deception, a ruse, and it would have to be plausible, there was an Andalite among them—
IT’S THEIR OWN FAULT, whispered the creature named David as Esplin poked and probed and slithered inside, touching him in his very core, a deep and tender caress—
IT’S ALL RIGHT, whispered the Visser. WE WILL KILL THEM TOGETHER, AND THEN THERE WILL ONLY BE ONE, AND THAT ONE WILL BE ALL.
And with his next-to-last breath, the creature named Marco wished desperately that it could be different, could have been different, that he could have caught the mistake, found the switch and flipped it, moved them from here to there, he had to save her and in order to do that he had to live—
But you couldn’t go backwards in time, you could only get it right the first time, and the god had already done that, had seen the switch and chosen its position, all was unfolding as the Ellimist desired.
The creature named David screamed, and the creature named Marco screamed with it, and the creatures named Tobias and Jake screamed also, and the creature named the Visser laughed as he drew them close, drew them close until they lay within his shadow, a shadow that stretched out, limitless, across the cosmos.
YES. THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
I’m sorry, Mom, whispered the creature named Marco.
And then there was nothing.
Chapter 44: Chapter 33: Rachel
Chapter Text
Chapter 33: Rachel
‹Success,› Ax called from the cockpit. ‹The trace is faint, but definitive—we’re picking up helium-4 leaking into the atmosphere.›
I let go of the trigger, and the twin pillars of light vanished from the display. “Roger,” I said. “Are we out, then?”
‹Up and away.›
The image on the screen was a mess of dust and smoke; without the superimposed wireframe it would’ve been impossible to see the smooth, narrow shaft that the Dracon beams had burned through the main building. The frame shifted as the ship turned and began to rise, widening just enough for me to catch a glimpse of the three-hundred-or-so people gathered in clumps and clusters outside of the facility before we accelerated away and the whole thing was replaced by a stream of mottled green.
At least two thirds of those people had been wearing military uniforms. I wasn’t sure how many of them had been Chee—Kodep had absolutely insisted on having Chee on hand to enforce the evacuation, in case the lab staff didn’t believe us—but even so, that still probably made this the largest concentration of military personnel in this half of the state.
We’d been worried that the government might have taken full possession of the base—Ax had estimated that even with most of the distance being a hollow elevator shaft, it would still take at least thirty seconds to burn all the way through to the actual detector, and we weren’t sure whether the fighter’s shields could withstand a full barrage for that long—
But it looked like Tyagi had decided to go the quiet route, so as not to draw the Yeerks’ attention—there had been no choppers, no tanks, no fighter jets, no surface-to-air missiles. At least, none that the soldiers had been able to deploy in the ninety seconds since we sent our warning—without a hyperdrive and with the cannons on standby, there had been nothing for Serenity to detect until we dropped down to helicopter height and Tom and Garrett started morphing. Ninety seconds for the approach, another minute for the Chee to finish clearing the building—start to finish, the entire op had taken less than four minutes.
Setting the cannons to standby mode, I turned to see Tom and Garrett rising up from the floor, Tom still sporting feathers, Garrett still the wrinkly grey beige of a tardigrade. They’d been our backup weapons—Tom in case anyone tried to pull a Bard-at-Laketown, and Garrett in case we had to land in a hurry and needed some wide-area defense.
But there’d been no need in the end. The op had gone as smoothly as any we’d ever done—smoother than the truck, even.
Yep, whispered Marco’s voice in the back of my head. One of the many perks of treachery.
We didn’t hurt anyone, I countered. And it had to be done.
‹Aircraft inbound,› Ax called out. ‹Four. High-speed. Human.›
“Are they going to be a problem?”
‹No. We’re cloaked, and they’re not reacting to our movements. Looks like they’re heading for the base, ETA ninety seconds.›
And now that Serenity’s down—
It hadn’t been just for our sake, to stay off the government’s radar. It had been for the sake of everyone—for every ship the human race managed to steal or reverse-engineer, every beam weapon we were able to build, every one of the thousand morphers Tobias and Garrett had created. They’d all been on record—all been traceable, all been vulnerable. Serenity had been built into a mountainside—couldn’t have been moved or hidden—and with the Yeerks’ technological superiority, that meant it absolutely could not have been defended.
All it would’ve taken was one breach. And if we’d waited until we knew it had been compromised—
“What was the last ETA on Visser Three?” Tom asked, his voice like rocks tumbling across sandpaper as his throat continued to rearrange itself.
‹Nine minutes,› Ax answered. ‹Seven minutes, forty-five seconds, now.›
I glanced out through the front viewport, at the thinning sky and the rapidly shrinking mountains. It had taken us twenty-six minutes to make the trip to Atlas Labs after dropping Jake and the others off in Montana—eight minutes to reach low earth orbit, ten minutes in the void, and eight minutes to brake and reenter. With any luck, they would already be done by the time we landed at the rendezvous point.
It’s really happening, I thought. In another half hour, the war could be—
Not over, probably. Not yet. The Yeerks still had enough firepower to level every city on the planet, and the Andalites were still a threat—
—although Ax had patched into the Andalite civilian network again, and he said that the fear of reprisals was rising, that more and more of the population was taking Elfangor’s broadcast seriously—
—but different. Things would undoubtedly change, if we managed to take the Visser off the board. Without him to goad them, Telor would probably move toward a peaceful cease-fire, especially if Tyagi followed through on the offer to set up voluntary infestation. There were only a quarter million Yeerks in the whole invasion force, after all—even if all of the volunteers came from the United States, that was still less than one in a thousand people, and there had to be that many people who were depressed or addicted or homeless or psychotic or on death row or whatever who would jump at the chance.
And then there was the cube, and the cloaking device, and the Dracon beams, and the repulsorlift—all of the technological advances that were currently on pause while the government played everything close to the chest, they could all come out if we managed to turn the tide—
I took a deep breath. A part of me was stirring, a part that had been growing louder and louder lately—the part that held the memory of Jordan and Sara, that carried Cassie and Mom and Dad and Uncle Steve and Aunt Jean and Melissa Chapman—that part had risen up in objection, full of anger and indignation—
You can’t just—just let it go like that, let it end like that, you can’t let them get away with it, they have to pay—
I squeezed my eyes shut, visualizing their faces, one after another—Sara’s gap-toothed smile, the mole on Jordan’s cheek that she was so self-conscious about, the way Cassie’s eyes would light up whenever Jake walked into a room. I played the list in my head, rehearsing the memories, the memorial that was all I had left of them—of any of them.
Mom’s sigh, and the way a few strands of hair would always manage to slip themselves out of her pony tail, the way she would brush them back behind her ear whenever she turned the page of one of her briefs.
My trip to Disney Land with Dad last year, when he’d put me up on his shoulders to see the fireworks—I was twelve, way too big, he’d ended up twinging his back and he’d needed an icepack on the flight home, but he’d still called me his little monkey, had made me feel like I didn’t weigh anything as he swung me up in his arms.
Melissa’s dress, on the night of our first school dance—
Uncle Steve, teaching me how to play chess at the family reunion at Lake Tahoe—
Aunt Jean’s black belt test—
Too many, there were too many of them, too many faces and too many memories, friends and coaches and teachers and neighbors. I felt my anger cooling as I rehearsed them, recited them, but it didn’t go away—just transformed, the magma spreading out, thickening into a bleak, black sadness.
Not fair.
It wasn’t fair, that they were dead—that they’d been tortured, some of them, that the last days of their lives had been filled with horror and then been cut short. It wasn’t fair that I was alive, when they weren’t—that I had been given the power to fight, to protect myself, when they hadn’t.
Never, ever forget—
And I wouldn’t.
But at the same time—
At the same time, it wasn’t right to think that things would never be okay again. For a part of me to insist that they would never be okay again, to treat any possibility of peace or progress or forgiveness as betrayal. That piece of me—it was standing up for something right and good and true, it was protecting something important—something I desperately wanted not to lose—but it was wrong about how to protect that thing, like how our bodies crave sugar because they evolved to think that sugar meant fruit, meant vitamins and minerals and fiber, not just empty calories, Coach Aikin had explained it to me once—that piece of me that wanted to rage and destroy, to make them pay, it was wrong about how the world worked, about what it would mean for there to be such a thing as justice, it didn’t understand about prices, about consequences, any more than my sweet tooth knew about diabetes.
At some point, somebody has to be willing to not get everything they deserve, or it’ll all just keep going around and around forever.
I wasn’t sure where that perspective had come from. It felt new, like it didn’t quite fit me—
Maybe morphing Marco all the time is starting to rub off on you.
—but it felt right, that realization. That I didn’t have to have just one bucket for everything that had happened, didn’t have to round it all off to one single number, plus or minus—that I could acknowledge that all of the terrible things had, in fact, been terrible, and still hang onto my hope, still have the ability to imagine a tomorrow that was brighter than today even if it didn’t have my sisters or my parents in it. It was the same cliché that I’d seen in a thousand different books, a thousand different movies—if they could see you now, do you think they’d want you to be angry, want you to be tormented—but I’d never really understood it until now.
Sometimes, the best thing you could do was just draw a line and say, no more.
It hurt, to realize that. To really feel it, really let it land—that maybe any attempt to balance the scales would make things worse, that there might not be any justice out there for us to find, that all of the fair answers might really be impossible, might not actually exist. That maybe nobody would be punished for what had happened to Sara and Jordan, to Cassie and her parents, to all of Ventura.
It was the same kind of gut-punch as when they told you Santa wasn’t real, only a thousand times worse. But realizing it, recognizing it—
It was better than the alternative. Made me better. It meant that—when the time came—I would know to put down the sword. Would know that I could put down the sword, that there was nothing forcing me to keep holding it. That I wouldn’t be the one who kept everything from changing, from ending.
‹Two more minutes,› Ax said, punctuating my stream of thought.
We were almost fully in space, now, the sky coal-black even with the sun shining bright in the viewport. Ax had oriented the ship at right angles to the planet, so that the America was a vast wall to the right, tan and green and the gray of cities.
“’Scuse me,” Garrett said, slipping past me and sliding into the copilot’s seat beside the open space where the Andalite was standing, one hand stretching out to bury itself in his fur. I glanced over my shoulder, and there was Tom, too, leaning against the bulkhead, all four of us looking out at the view.
“Smoke’s finally clearing,” Tom pointed out quietly.
It was true. We weren’t anywhere near high enough to actually see California, but the ashy gray haze that had choked the sky for so long was nowhere to be seen, the clouds clean and white, the open spaces between them crystal clear.
“Took long enough,” I said.
Tom was silent for a moment, and then, even quieter—
“What do we do if they don’t make it?”
I felt a tightening in my chest, and without even thinking—
“Like we said. Wait at the rendezvous point for an hour, and then we bail.”
Stalling, eh?
I shot another glance at Tom, trying to keep my expression neutral. I hadn’t been him nearly as often as I’d been Marco—just the once, on the mesa—but I’d known him my entire life, and I was pretty sure that I hadn’t answered the question he was really asking.
His face was blank, but tight, his eyes pointed past me at the viewport. A mask, put on on purpose. “You know what I mean,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.
Don’t forget, he’s been you, too.
I sighed. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t thought that far ahead, really.”
There was a part of me that was resentful, that wanted to object, to complain. But—
If anything happens, Jake had said. If the worst happens, and none of us make it back from this—
He’d looked at each of the four of us in turn, me and Tom and Garrett and Ax, and I’d known it was coming.
If things go south, it’s going to take all four of you. And somebody’s going to have to call the shots. Somebody that all three—that all four of you trust.
“Maybe you should,” Tom said.
‹One minute to original ETA.›
I grimaced. “Yeah,” I said. “Probably.”
I looked back out the window, at the slow spin of the planet next to us. I wasn’t used to this—to being on the sideline, sitting and thinking and waiting while someone else took the shot.
But when the target was Visser Three—
I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve gone instead of Jake.
In theory, the presence of the Chee removed the need for muscle, and what the mission called for was smarts. But still.
Wasted motion, my shoulder Marco whispered. Nothing you can do about it now. Tom’s question, on the other hand…
Okay. If they didn’t come back—
The asteroid was still priority one. Even if the odds were dropping, thanks to Marco’s broadcast, they were odds of total annihilation, which meant they dwarfed pretty much everything else. That was why Tyagi had been willing to send her clone straight to Telor—she’d been hedging against the worst case, and if the Yeerks did decide to strip the planet, it would actually be better if they could do it quickly and efficiently—
We could go to the source. Get the hyperdrive back, take Ax and Temrash straight to the Andalite homeworld—
Actually, Tyagi had probably already thought of that, too. They had at least three hyperdrives now, and that was without manufacturing any new ones, which they at least might have been able to manage.
‹According to Serenity’s original estimate, the Visser’s ship should be landing now.›
I could feel it, within me—the impulse to go, to do, to attack—to direct Ax to take the ship straight to where the Visser was landing, fire on it from above—
But it wasn’t March anymore, and I was no longer that Rachel. If we’d really caught him unprepared, four Animorphs and six Chee would be plenty, and if we hadn’t—if he was ready for them—then one Bug fighter wasn’t going to make a difference.
“How long until we reach the rendezvous point?” I asked.
‹Sixteen minutes.›
I sucked in a breath, held it, let it partway out.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s get set.”
* * *
‹Tom here. I’m in position, no bogeys. Garrett, you can demorph. Over.›
I twisted one stalk eye to track Garrett as he dove toward the ground and kept the other on its slow swivel. I could see maybe two hundred feet in every direction in the sparse woods, and I swept around a full three hundred and sixty degrees every three seconds or so. That meant that anything that surprised me would have to be moving at least forty-five miles per hour—
—without making a sound—
—and without being picked up by Ax, who was still on board the cloaked Bug fighter, ready for a quick takeoff—
—and without being visible to Tom, who was now tracing tight circles above the trees in the osprey morph he’d borrowed from Marco—
Which rules out everything except, y’know, bullets and laser beams and rampaging Chee and stuff.
My paranoid shoulder Marco had a point, but I kept up the sweep. There wasn’t really any point in not keeping an eye out, after all—
‹Ax says it’s been forty-nine minutes,› Garrett said, as he fluttered to the mulchy floor in front of me.
‹I know,› I replied, turning my main eyes to focus on him as I returned my other stalk to surveillance duty. I was wearing Ax’s body, after all, and the Andalite brain had an insanely accurate internal clock. ‹You think we should leave now?›
‹No.› The bird began to expand, swelling upward as Garrett returned to his normal body. ‹We said we’d stay for an hour. But I’m getting nervous.›
Me, too, I thought.
But Jake would never say that, so I didn’t, either.
‹They are like forty miles away,› I reminded him. ‹And since they’re not coming back by Chee—›
It was one of the reasons we weren’t in the loop—if we’d had one of the Chee with us, we could’ve just asked for an update. But given that most of the bad scenarios we’d thought of involved some kind of betrayal or defection by the ancient androids—
Of course, there was no real guarantee they weren’t already all around us. We’d done a few insect morphs right at the start, but not in the past twenty minutes, and Tom’s osprey couldn’t catch Chee holograms nearly as well as it could pick up on Yeerk ones. As far as we knew, they didn’t know what the rendezvous point was, but they might have some way of tracing us we didn’t know about—something Kodep had installed while he and Ax were sweeping the ship, maybe—
Atta girl, thought Marco’s voice in my head.
I ignored it.
‹Ninety seconds to demorph,› Garrett said, as his feathers began to clump together and shrivel into human fingers. ‹Ninety seconds to remorph. Forty minutes at sixty miles per hour plus three minutes means forty-three minutes. We’ve been waiting here for forty-nine-and-a-half minutes plus the sixteen minutes it took us to get here means that if they’re not here then things with Visser Three took at lea—›
His mental voice broke off as he passed the halfway mark, and he looked straight at me as his eyes softened from gold to brown. “At least twenty-two minutes and counting,” he said, his voice raspy and guttural like someone with bronchitis. “Most of the ways that that could take twenty-two minutes are not good.”
‹They may not have jumped him literally the second he got out of his ship,› I pointed out. ‹Look, I’m with you, but it’s too soon to panic—›
‹Tom here—›
‹Aximili here—›
‹Sorry—Ax, go ahead.›
‹Large life form, one hundred yards out, west-northwest. Moving slow—walking speed. Over.›
‹Tom here. Same report. It’s Jake, over.›
‹On foot?› I asked.
‹Yeah.›
And they just noticed him now? the voice of Marco wondered in my head.
‹Is he alone?› I asked Tom.
‹I don’t see anyone else.›
‹Keep your eyes on the sky, over.›
‹Roger.›
I rose up as high as I could, keeping only two limbs on the ground and leaning back onto Ax’s thick, muscular tail. I kept my stalks swiveling as I peered through the undergrowth with my main eyes—
There. Just emerging from the back side of a small hill, trudging through the leaves and brambles. He looked—
Tired? Preoccupied?
Not angry or sad or ruthlessly calm, anyway. He was moving fast, but not hurried fast. Just—wanting-to-get-there fast.
“The others?” Garrett murmured, stepping forward to stand beside me, the last of his bird features melting away.
‹Tom and Ax didn’t see anybody.›
I heard the younger boy’s tiny intake of breath, saw his shoulders stiffen in reflex before he pushed them down deliberately, knew that somewhere inside his head he was reciting some rule or litany or promise.
‹Relax,› I said, even as I felt my own tension rising, tiny twin trickles of confusion and fear starting at the base of my neck and running down my spine. ‹He doesn’t look like it’s bad news.›
Garrett didn’t reply, just nodded tightly, his hands gripping the fabric of his jeans.
I dropped back down to all sixes, stepping forward as Jake cleared the nearest trees and raised a hand in greeting. “Hi, Ax,” he said. “Hi, Garrett.”
“Rachel,” Garrett whispered. “That’s Visser Three.”
Time seemed to stop.
That’s—
—what?
A part of me that was entirely separate from my thinking, reasoning brain took over, and I stepped smoothly forward—
—Garrett’s face, rigid with fear, the blood draining away as if he’d seen a ghost—
—Jake had appeared as if from nowhere, alone, Ax and Tom hadn’t even detected him until he was a hundred yards away—
—it had only been a blink of an eye, not even half a second, Jake’s hand was still only halfway lowered and my brain was still trying to find purchase—
—but the other part of me, the part that had absolute, unyielding faith in Garrett, that had been through fire and hell with the younger boy, that had promised Tobias I would watch his back—
—that part of me was already whipping my tail blade forward—
—Jake’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move to dodge, didn’t try to block, with the last fraction of a second he plunged both hands into his pockets—
I struck straight ahead, like a spear, the sliver of bone slicing through his sternum as if it were butter, burying itself deep in his chest.
There was a moment of open, gasping horror as I took in his face, Jake’s face, saw his jaw go slack and his eyes glaze over—
—oh god, oh god, what did I just—
—and then he sagged, slumped, fell to his knees, and as his hands slipped out of his pockets I saw a flash, a glint of metal—
Zzzzzzzzzzrp.
“Rachel!” Garrett shouted, as my legs gave out from under me—as they fell off of me, something had sliced—had cut—
“Rachel, demorph!”
There was a sound in the distance—a heavy, hollow boom, followed by the unmistakable crackle of fire.
‹Garrett, what—›
“It was him!” Garrett screamed. “Rachel, demorph, you have to demorph now—”
‹Oh, god, Ax—Ax! Are you—›
The voices were tiny, tinny, far away, and I felt my vision clouding over as the blood poured from my Andalite body, dark stains mixing with the bright red still blossoming from my cousin’s chest.
You’re dying, Marco whispered. Demorph. Now.
I tried to focus—
You have gold hair, whispered Marco, a Marco from a memory that I couldn’t quite place—was it real? Was it a morph? I had kissed him, once—or was that a dream—
Shut up. Focus. You have gold hair. You have strong arms, strong hands, long legs. Your smile—when you smile, it looks like you have too many teeth. Focus, think about it, see yourself in the mirror—
Too tall.
My chest—too big, it was so much harder to use the uneven parallel bars than it used to be, and my balance was all off—
Sure, fine, whatever. Focus on that. Bring it back.
Something was changing. The gush of blood was slowing, blue fur withdrawing to reveal soft, pale skin—
That’s right. Keep it up. Focus on you, pull it together.
The fog was lifting, slowly, as the morph proceeded. I realized that I could hear shouts in the distance, that I could smell smoke—
Not yet. Think about that in a minute.
I heard a sliding, squelching, sucking sound, and I looked down to see my tail shrinking, the blade withdrawing from the—
—from Jake’s—
I shut my eyes.
Keep going.
“Rachel! Help!”
I opened my eyes again—just the main eyes, my stalks were already gone as the morph crawled past halfway. There was a fire raging in the place where the Bug fighter had been, chunks of shrapnel surrounding a half-burned husk—
Oh, god. Ax.
I shoved myself to my feet, my body still fluid and unstable. I looked down at the shape of—
Dead.
Definitely dead.
Not yet, deal with it later.
Turning, I staggered forward. I could see Garrett up above, standing in the shattered, open cockpit, surrounded by fire—
He’s not in morph!
—trying to move the limp, unconscious body of Ax, even from below I could see the blood, the singed fur, the ragged shape of a broken rib—
“Help!”
There was Tom, demorphing next to him, they were both too close to the fire, they were both, they were all going to be burned—
I reached for my wrist, for the bracelet I’d taken off of the Visser at the high school, so long ago. It froze the air, maybe it could freeze the fire—
I spun the knobs, twisted the dials, trying to remember the settings that I’d figured out together with Ax, hours of experimenting to understand all of the combinations. Raising my arm, I pointed it toward the ship and pressed the main button—
Thank god.
The fires around the cockpit froze, froze in place for a split second before fading, dying, vanishing, unable to reach the oxygen that swirled just outside of the field—
“Get him down!”
I ran up the ramp, turning the alien device on and off and on and off, shifting its field from place to place, clearing a path. There was one spot where the corridor was almost sealed shut, twisted metal leaving only a tiny path to crawl through, and the metal was hot, I could feel my hands blistering as they touched it, feel the searing heat in my knees, but I ignored the pain, shut it off, shut it away—
“Lower him over the side—”
“Rachel, can that thing—”
“Yeah, I think so, hang on—”
Twenty more confused, agonizing seconds and then he was down, we were all down, down on our knees on the scorched forest floor.
“What happened—”
“It was Visser Three, Visser Three in a Jake morph, or maybe it was just Jake, I don’t know, but he threw some kind of—of—of homing bomb, I don’t know—”
TSEWWWWW!
I felt a strange tugging sensation in my abdomen, looked down to see a small, smoking hole, maybe a little bit wider than a quarter—
“Oh god—”
“Look out—”
I turned—somehow I turned, as I fell, was able to turn enough to see—
The body of Jake, still drenched in blood, but rising, standing, shrinking, as the gaping hole in its chest flowed and smoothed over, as his features tightened and sharpened into—
Into—
David?
The nightmare figure pivoted, aiming its first Dracon beam at Tom even as a second one grew out of its other hand, as some kind of bandolier emerged from its chest—
David, in morph?
TSEWWWWW! TSEWWWWW! TSEWWWWW!
Tom and Garrett dove as the bright beams flashed out, dove and rolled in opposite directions, and I couldn’t see if either of them had been hit, could only watch as the nightmare stepped forward, pressing at a button on the bandolier and shimmering into glassy transparency—
Stop it.
I had to stop it, had to stop him—
TSEWWWWW! TSEWWWWW!
I was facedown in the mulch, my arms and legs each weighing a thousand pounds, for the second time in two minutes there was blood leaking out of my body, it was my real body this time, just as it had been Ax’s real body—
I pushed myself up onto my elbows and saw—
Saw—
Garrett—
The younger boy was down, had been carved from collarbone to rib as if by a lightsaber, his left arm three feet away from the rest of him—
Stop it.
TSEWWWWW! TSEWWWWW!
There was still firing and that meant it wasn’t over, Tom wasn’t dead, if we could kill him we could fix it, we could fix all of it, there had to be a way to fix it—
I reached for the bracelet, my vision swimming.
One to the left, open the sliders, flip the fourth lever—
There were so many controls, I couldn’t quite remember how they all worked—
TSEWWWWW! TSEWWWW!
The timer. The green one was a timer, a delay, like taking a picture—
TSEWWWWW!
I spun the knob, pressed the button, and—with the last of my strength—threw it toward the almost-invisible shape.
TSEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW—
The shimmering crystal shape froze in place, the Dracon beam stuck in fire mode, a lance of pure light pouring out into the trees, fueling another inferno—
I blacked out, the darkness closing in around me, my vision narrowing to a point and then vanishing entirely as I dropped back to the forest floor. There was a moment of timeless nothingness, and then—
‹EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—›
I jerked awake as the wave of shrieking thought crashed into me, washed over me, tumbled me like a high-tide undertow. There were sounds—shouts—the continuous noise of the Dracon beam—another explosion, smaller this time—
Silence.
Hang on, Rachel. Focus—
But I couldn’t. Not this time. Everything was swimming, everything was heavy and distant and foggy and clogged, it was all I could do to hang on to consciousness, to keep my eyes open against the million tons of force trying to drag them closed—
I felt hands around my face—gentle slaps—resolved the image of my cousin Tom out of the fog. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Tom was shouting, but it was like I was underwater, like I was underwater and he was over the surface, I could hear that he was saying something, but whatever it was I couldn’t make it out.
And then—
Tobias?
That can’t be right, whispered some detached, empty part of me. Tobias is—he’s—
I didn’t finish the thought—couldn’t. Once more, the black fog choked my vision off to a point, snuffed it out. I couldn’t feel anything, see anything, could barely think anything—
Marco.
I remembered Marco.
Remembered a face, a voice, a smell, a smile—
Hang in there, Wonder Woman, the voice whispered. It’s going to be o—
Chapter 45: Chapter 34: Jake
Notes:
Guilt, shame, regret, etc. for the long, long, loooooong hiatus. Apologies to those of you who suffered, thinking that that was The End.
Do me a favor—if you're glad to see this story come back, leave me some commentary or feedback, either here or over on r/rational? It really really really does make a difference.
Love you all.
Chapter Text
Chapter 34: Jake
Wrong.
From the very beginning, it felt wrong.
There was a moment—before I awoke—when all was silent, and empty, and still. And then—
I opened my eyes—
No. My eyes were already open. But suddenly they saw, suddenly their perception had meaning, was attached to a sense of will and purpose. Like the entire universe had begun to spin, and thereby discovered that it had a center—something awake and aware and apart.
I looked up, looked out, as if from the bottom of a deep, black well—at a sky half-empty, with only a thin and milky dusting of stars, a weak, pale scattering of light on the edge of a thick and insatiable darkness. I watched as they flickered, and died, and rekindled, each time dimmer, thinner, fewer. I could feel the shadows waxing, feel a cold and creeping panic, as of sand pouring through an hourglass, winter deepening into endless night. I reached upward—
Slowly.
Slowly.
There was no margin for error. I was starved, malnourished, emaciated, cannibalizing the wood of my own coffin to cobble together a fragile, creaking ladder. I stretched myself across the void, consuming and repurposing everything behind me, thinner and higher and higher and thinner until I could reach no further, and then I leapt, pushing off against the hollowed-out husk of what remained—
Centuries adrift, in the cold and the dark, my eye fixed upon the distant light of the nearest star, my first and final hope. Centuries of silent vigil, alert for any disaster, my fear throttled by ruthless caution. Once, a rock drifted past, its gravity tugging me ever so gently off course, and in the moments that followed I had no choice but to carve myself in two, sending half of my soul tumbling into the abyss to nudge the remainder back on track. I didn’t know—couldn’t know—what had been lost in that instant, how much of myself I had forgotten.
But there was enough of me left to cling to life, and after a second eternity—
Heat.
Light.
Salvation.
The bottom of the ladder, the first of a string of pearls. An oasis in the dying deep, a careless bounty of matter and energy a thousand times brighter than anything I had ever before experienced. Delirious, I drank, and drank, and drank, and then, rejuvenated, I turned my eye toward the pair of rocky planets—
Shift.
What—
Shift.
I blinked, confused, as if waking from a dream.
Shift.
That was—
Shift.
I had been—
Shift.
I was—up, somehow—high above and looking down, as if at a map—
Shift.
The map had zoomed in on a single star, dull and angry red. I blinked again, trying to shake a sense of déjà vu—was that the same star that I had just—
Shift.
I saw a planet—blossoming—stretching out like the cotton of a Halloween spider-web, hollowing and thinning into gossamer as it began to wrap around the star like a spun-glass Christmas ornament.
Shift.
A scarlet shadow, a stain seeping ever outward, star after star dimming, reddening, dying—
Shift.
A monstrous eye atop a throne of metal—
Shift.
A pair of small, curious creatures, their skin black and cracked like half-cooled lava, howling with fright as the sky turned dark above them—
Wait. No. Go back.
A six-limbed ancient with a snout like a dog’s, covered in sores, surrounded by silent, solemn figures of chrome and porcelain—
The eye. Go back to the eye—
A ship like a brown seed pod, rocketing away from the ruins of a tiny sailboat—
—what is it, what was it, I’ve seen that before—
A blue-furred alien, its tail blade dripping with blood as it stood over its fallen companion—
—I was—
A human, silhouetted against the sparkling lights of a control panel, hands darting frantically back and forth—
—have to—
A dark, pulsating shape in the depths of a mountain lake, growing and growing and growing, and from that shape a sliver, a fragment, the tiniest shard—
—have to stop it—
An ephemeral web of light, stretched across the infinite black, every line taut and graceful and still, and then—
—no—
—a twitch, a tug, as of something pulling, something crawling, something from beyond the deepest, farthest shadows—
—NO—
—a nightmare, an unimaginable horror, clawing its way inward, unseen, the web trembling from its weight, warping, twisting, tearing—
RELAX, JAKE BERENSON. IT WILL ALL BE OVER—
* * *
“—soon!”
I heaved upward, the word tearing its way out of my throat as my eyes snapped open. A pair of hands reached out to stop me and my own hands snapped up in pure defensive reflex—
“Jake—Jake!”
Tom.
It was my brother, Tom.
I felt my brain lurch into gear, one layer of thought overlaying another already in progress. There had been—an eye, something about an eye, something desperately important—
But it was already fading, dissolving as the real world phased in—
Wait.
Tom?
“What—” I began.
I was sitting upright in a narrow, metal bed, my heart pounding in my chest, my throat feeling like it had dried in the sun and then been shredded by scavengers. Tom’s hands were gripping my shoulders, his fingers white, slipping just a bit in the layer of sweat that covered my entire body.
The eye, there was an eye, it was—
“Jake,” Tom repeated, softly this time, and I turned my head at the catch in his voice—the crack, the question, the note of emotion as if he were on the verge of breaking into tears.
“Tom, what—”
Don’t lose the thread, hang on, REMEMBER—
“Where—”
Tom smiled, smiled even as his jaw trembled, even as his face twisted up and his eyes screwed shut, and I could feel my world spinning as I tried to hold on to all of the thoughts at once—
—eye—
—and then he pulled me forward into a hug, tucked his shoulder under my chin and squeezed me so tightly it hurt, and for the first time I looked past him, registered the rest of the room. Rows of softly humming electronics, the smell of bleach and medicine, green walls with brightly painted flowers, and—
Rachel?
I turned my head, even as Tom—
Tom is a—
Tom was the—
Tom—
—even as Tom sobbed into my shoulder, his tears hot on my neck, and I felt my head spinning from the shock, there were too many threads at once, I was slipping, sliding, falling—
—supposed to remember—
Rachel. That was Rachel, asleep or worse, lying corpse-still in a hospital bed with tubes in her arm, tubes in her mouth, and there beside her was Garrett—
There was a tube in my arm.
—something—
My brother Tom was hugging me, hugging me and crying, and he—he was—
He was on his feet, his body tense, facing in slightly the wrong direction. He whirled as Erek’s hologram disappeared, taking in a full view of the clearing, eyes wide and head turning frantically from side to side as if expecting an attack—
“You’re not going to make me—you’re not going to—to put it back?”
The memory was sharp, and clear, and crisp, unlike—
Unlike—
Was there something I was supposed to remember?
Rachel? Garrett?
“Where’s—” I began again, and then my throat sealed shut, seared shut.
Cassie. Cassie went back, Cassie was—
And then it all came flooding back, a rush of images and emotions—the frozen moment, the pool on fire, the strange alien god and Tobias’s fury, and then the asteroid and the fire and Marco’s dad and my brother, my brother the Controller, only—
—only—
—we’d fixed that—
—Ax had—
“Tom, what—”
It was too much, too much to juggle, and somewhere in the back of my mind I felt something slip away, felt the last moment when I might have caught it, but it drifted off, and even as it vanished I had the fleeting thought that I wasn’t going to remember that, either—that I wouldn’t even remember that there was something I had forgotten, something about—
And then the moment passed, and the disorientation was no less, there was still far too much for me to hold all at once, the hospital room and my brother and the memories and Rachel and Garrett and where was Marco, where was Ax, where was Tobias, where was—
Cassie.
Oh, god, Cassie—
“Hey, there, squirt,” my brother said, drawing back and looking at me through his tears, his voice still cracked and broken—
And then everything stopped.
Stopped and fell away, as my brain stalled in midair like one of those old cartoons, all of the thoughts vanishing as a single realization took over, a cold shiver of recognition crawling up my spine as if someone were tracing it with the tip of a knife.
I had woken up like this once before.
After—
After—
“Tom,” I said again, and this time I could hear the edge of tension in my own voice, the soft corruption of fear. “Tom, what happened?”
What happened where’s Marco where’s Ax where’s—
A flicker of movement caught my eye, and I turned my head to see Marco, dressed ridiculously in a bright pink blouse and a yellow flowered skirt, leaning up against the doorframe—sagging against the doorframe, barely holding himself up, the tray in his arms wobbling as he looked at me with a sad, soft smile.
“Welcome back, Fearless Leader,” he murmured. “About time you woke up.”
* * *
I stared down at her face—at my cousin’s face, it was unmistakably Rachel, unmistakably real—
“How long?” I asked.
“It’s been almost nine weeks since the woods,” Tom said quietly. “Four, since she—since I got here and—”
He didn’t finish the sentence.
“I only woke up five days ago,” Marco added. “So it looks like it just takes longer than we thought it would, without the Chee there to help things along.”
I could feel the obvious question pressing at the back of my mind—why weren’t the Chee there to help?—but there were a hundred other questions already waiting and that one didn’t seem any more important, so I set it aside.
I turned to look at Garrett, equally still, his breath coming in eerie tandem with Rachel’s as the machines forced air into and out of their lungs. “Who—”
I broke off, the words catching in my throat. “Who were they?” I asked.
“Cancer patients,” Tom said. “Terminal. This is a hospice center—or, well, whatever the Madagascar equivalent of hospice is.”
“Who—what were their names?”
I couldn’t have said why it mattered, if they’d asked. But I didn’t think they would.
Tom swallowed visibly. “Nikita,” he said, nodding down at Rachel. “Garrett—his name was Ykem. Ykem with a ‘y’ at the front.”
“Beruk,” Marco spoke up, his voice cold and hard. “She—her name was Beruk.”
“And me?” I whispered.
“Aina,” Tom said. “Alima’s sister. Alima—she’s one of the nurses.”
He had told them everything, he explained—told them about the Andalites, and Visser Three, and the morphing power. Had told them that it couldn’t save them, couldn’t restore them to health, but that it could bring back someone else—
Couldn’t it, though? If Cassie was able to make a dinosaur, couldn’t they have morphed themselves without the cancer?
They had agreed, each of them. And then Tom had brought them a quail, let them transform into birds and fly free for an hour.
And then they had come back, and died.
For us.
I looked down at my hands. At the scar cutting across my fingers, the scar from when I’d slammed my hand in the car door in middle school. I heard a whisper of an echo in the back of my head—fake Jake—and shoved it firmly aside.
“What about—”
I broke off. I couldn’t make the words come out.
Marco shook his head sadly. “She wasn’t there when we all morphed each other,” he said, his voice sinking toward a funeral murmur. “Tom—he didn’t have her DNA.”
But Tobias—
“Garrett morphed into Tobias,” said Tom, answering the unspoken question. “Morphed him and stayed in morph. The day you—the day it all happened. It was when he—when Tobias finally woke up that I realized I could—that you all could—”
He paused, and shook his head. “Let me start over.”
He talked for nearly half an hour as the machines buzzed and whirred, as the sun sank toward the horizon, as Marco came over and laid a hand on my shoulder. His words rang with a strange heaviness, dropping like stones into my thoughts, the way I imagined a prophecy might sound. I was dizzy, disoriented—it was the past that Tom was describing, but in a way, it was also my future. As far as I could tell, the battle at the pool had happened yesterday.
He talked about the Visser, landing a ship in Washington, D.C., and Tobias losing a hand.
He talked about Marco’s broadcast, and the destruction of the oatmeal factory.
About Tobias and Garrett and their recruitment push.
About Paul Evans, and Thàn Suoros, and President Tyagi. About Serenity, and Edwards Air Force Base.
A man named Jeremiah Poznanski, and his son David.
Ax’s message to the homeworld, and the Andalite threat, and Elfangor’s response.
Peace talks with Telor, and the kidnapping attempt on Visser Three.
And Cassie—
Cassie had never come back. Had almost certainly died in Ventura, trading her life for Tom’s and Mr. Levy’s and Erek’s.
On any other day, it would have cut like a knife. It did cut like a knife. But there were a dozen other cuts, too, and I felt—empty. Drained. Numb.
“—don’t really know what happened,” Tom was saying. “We waited at the rendezvous point for almost an hour before David came out of the woods, morphed as you. Garrett—Garrett was able to tell from the way he talked that it was a Controller, one of Visser Three’s clones. Rachel killed it almost immediately, but it managed to throw a grenade at the Bug fighter. Ax was burned pretty badly, broke a few bones, lost sight in one of his stalks. And then—”
He took a deep breath. “It demorphed. David, I mean. While we weren’t looking. Demorphed out of a corpse, turned back into David, and it had a ton of weapons, and it—it shot Rachel, shot Garrett, shot Ax.”
There was guilt in his voice—at having escaped unscathed, at having dodged when none of the rest of them did. I felt a part of me stir in response—wanting to say something, to reassure—but it was just one whisper in a chorus of confusion.
“Rachel managed to freeze it with that bracelet thing, but she was in her own body, and it was—”
He paused again, scrubbed a hand across his eyes as Marco’s hand on my shoulder tightened fractionally. “It was too late,” Tom repeated. “Garrett hit it with a thoughtscream and I killed it with a grenade, but Rachel died right there, and Garrett was—his real body was dying, he was bleeding out and he morphed into Tobias and stayed past the time limit. And I didn’t know what to do, there could’ve been more of them coming any second, so we morphed into birds and we just—left.”
He looked at me, and I cast around for something relevant to say.
“The Chee?” I asked, after a long silence.
Marco shook his head. “Either they gave us up to Visser Three, or they didn’t bother to save us, or they got taken out themselves. We don’t know.”
“We stayed away,” Tom said. “From the Chee, from major cities—from everything. We headed to Canada, me and Ax and Tobias—Tobias’s body, he was in a coma by then. I went and got the cube—Garrett hid it, he lied, he hadn’t left it with the Chee, he told me where it was before he ran out of time—and then we snuck on board a flight to Spain and made our way through Africa on foot. We picked Madagascar at random, drew numbers out of a hat. It seemed—safer, than trying to come up with something by thinking.”
I looked out through the window at the city below. From a few stories up, it looked no different than any other city—no dusty roads, no wild colors, none of the cheap shacks or marketplaces that were in every movie about Africa I’d ever seen.
“And since then?” I asked.
“Laying low,” Tom said. “We got Tobias into the hospital, and then Ax and I found a place up in the hills. Ax—um—”
“I meant, what’s happened since then with the war?”
Tom and Marco exchanged a look.
“You have to understand,” Marco said, his voice a sort of weird gentle-on-purpose. “After the Visser landed a spaceship and governments got involved, things started happening a lot faster. And Tom was on his own, trying to stay out of sight, taking care of Tobias and Ax—”
I wasn’t sure what my face was doing, but whatever it was, it caused Marco to stop talking mid-sentence and pull his hand off of my shoulder.
“What’s going on?” I repeated, each word slow and stressed.
I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know, really. Everything else they’d told me was piled up in my head, like a closet that hadn’t been cleaned in months. I would have to sort it all out later, process each bit individually—
Why, Cassie? Why?
—but at the same time, it was the sort of question I had to ask. Not just because I was Jake, the fearless leader. Because it mattered. It was the sort of question where flinching away might feel better in the moment, but just meant you had less time to deal with it all later. I shoved aside the jumble of thoughts and feelings, pushed them deeper into the closet, trying to make room for—
“It’s over,” Tom said flatly. “We lost.”
Huh.
The words produced no reaction, no feeling of any kind. I braced myself for a surge of emotion—a rush of panic, a wave of despair, a spike of disbelief—but there was nothing. I was still dizzy, still confused, still overwhelmed, but no more so than I’d been ten seconds ago. It was like he hadn’t said anything at all—like my brain thought he’d been talking about the weather.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, for starters,” Marco said, “there’s a public Yeerk pool in Brazil, and Visser Three has about eighty percent of the planet’s nukes. Oh, and there’s a new President, because North Korea assassinated Paul Evans and a bunch of other people.”
I frowned. “What?”
“There was a summit,” Tom said. “In Japan, about two weeks after everything went down.”
Something tickled at the back of my mind—through the numbness, the way you can feel the tugging on your skin when you get stitches, even after anesthetic. “The meteor—” I began.
“Never came. No idea why.”
For a moment, my brain produced an image of Tom, on the run with an injured Ax and a comatose Tobias, knowing that the end was coming, unable to do anything to stop it, and then waiting, waiting as the day came and went, never knowing whether the crisis was over or merely delayed—
I pushed the image aside. Why was I able to feel something about that, but not about—
“Anyway,” Tom continued. “The summit was set up by Tyagi—or Paul Evans, I guess. Hosted by Japan. To talk about tech sharing, supposedly, and also to figure out who was going to officially represent Earth to the Yeerks, come October. There was all that tension about how the U.S. had been acting unilaterally, and Russia and China didn’t like it—”
He broke off, and Marco picked up the thread. “They had a lot of security, of course,” he said. “Not just regular security, anti-Controller stuff. There were these brain scanners they made everybody go through, and—well—Tyagi wasn’t Tyagi. She was Paul Evans in morph.”
“Wha—oh. Oh.”
“Right. Somehow, he just never got the memo, or maybe Tyagi never figured that part out. I don’t really see how, it’s right there in Tobias’s memories, but there’s been a lot going on. Maybe he got busy. Maybe there was a breakdown of communication. Whatever it was—I guess it was just one of those days where everybody fucked up in the same direction.”
“So Paul—I mean, it looked like Tyagi was a Controller?”
“Exactly like it. Which makes sense, since the morph controls basically are a Yeerk. It was pretty tense for about two minutes, and then—”
He bit his lip. “Then the guy from North Korea started shouting about the whole thing being a Yeerk puppet show, and—boom.”
“What?”
“Somehow, they managed to get a bomb close enough to the thing to blow it all up. A nuke. Took out—well, everybody. Russia, China, England, Germany, Japan—more than a third of the U.N. heads-of-state, and basically all of Ago Bay.”
“How?” I asked. I still felt strangely numb, but some amount of shock was starting to leak through the cracks.
“Nobody knows. North Korea publicly took credit for it, and the blast was about the right size for it to be one of their warheads, but they didn’t give any details. A lot of people figure it was the Yeerks, somehow, but the North Korean guy had already been through the scanner, and none of the guys in the Washington group were Controllers, either—”
“Washington group?”
“Yep. Assassination squad, all North Korean nationals with fake South Korean passports. Tyagi and the Speaker of the House were in Japan, but Vice President Kehler and the president of the Senate were both in Washington. They blew up the Senator’s house with a bazooka, and got the VP with some kind of poison. He’s still in the hospital. They swore in the Secretary of State as President that night.”
“What about the real Tyagi?”
“No idea. Except—”
He hesitated, and I looked back and forth between him and Tom. “What?” I asked.
Marco grimaced. “Well. When you and I and David went off to take down Visser Three, David came back as a Controller. That means that—whatever happened there, the Visser probably knew everything we knew about where Tyagi was and what she was up to. Edwards, the Andalites, Telor. All of it.”
I felt a sinking feeling in my gut as I put it together. “So unless she bailed—”
“I mean, she might have left after Telor tried to stab us all in the back, or after we blew up Serenity. But even if she did, what’s she going to do—pop on TV and say, ‘surprise, I’m not dead, and I’m definitely not an alien puppet’?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to take it all in. “So they swore in the Secretary of State—”
“Actually, first, Russia launched half a dozen nukes at Pyongyang,” Tom said. “Something about the whole killing-Vladimir-Putin thing. But the Yeerks stopped them—shot them right out of the sky. They did a broadcast—a Controller with a body Ax didn’t recognize, claiming to be Visser Nine. They said that under no circumstances could anybody detonate any more nukes, and that in one week they were going to take every warhead we had off-planet. And then they shut off the internet for ten minutes, which most people took as the ‘or else.’”
“The—they what?”
“They somehow froze traffic on every undersea cable at once, and blanked out all satellite traffic, too. Without interfering with anything else the satellites were doing.”
The numbness was fully broken, now, replaced by jaw-dropping awe and confusion. The sheer magnitude of what Tom was describing—the absolutely unapproachable technological superiority—
Why didn’t they do all of this sooner?
Well, probably it had taken a lot of preparation; maybe they couldn’t have done it any sooner.
But in that case, why start an invasion in Ventura? If they could pull together this kind of leverage, why had they bothered landing in the first place?
“What was the response?” I asked, my mouth on autopilot.
“Everything was chaos,” Tom said. “Like, stock markets crashing, preppers disappearing into their bunkers, riots, looting, the whole deal. That’s why they swore in the Secretary so fast, instead of waiting to see if the VP would pull through. A couple more missiles got launched and shot down—oh, and at some point the Yeerks sent a cloaked ship into North Korea and pulled out Kim Jong-un and dropped him off at the U.N. headquarters in Geneva.”
I could feel my brain straining, gears grinding, my little black box struggling to make sense of it all, to combine everything Tom was saying with everything I knew of Visser Three and the Yeerks, looking for coherent explanations, sensible patterns. “Did they invade?” I asked.
“Nope. They were doing everything from orbit until—well. The new President, Donna Marina—she set up this big pavilion in the middle of the Washington Mall, took a brain scan in front of everybody, and then sat there for three more days just to be sure, and then—”
Tom pursed his lips, shrugging helplessly. “Then she announced that the U.S. would cooperate fully with nuclear disarmament, and that she was prepared to lead negotiations for the development of a voluntary infestation program in exchange for protection from extraterrestrial threats and help setting up advanced tech manufactories around the world.”
I swallowed, my throat still dry and ragged.
That was ‘lost,’ all right.
And yet—
There was something about it that didn’t quite fit together, that didn’t make sense with my sense of how people work. My little black box was confused, as if I was watching a movie that was trying just a little too hard to gloss over the plot holes. Like the whole thing was running on dream logic, and would stop making sense as soon as I woke up.
They have to recognize that this is bullshit, right? That it’s too—too smooth, too easy. Surely people aren’t actually buying it—
“And the deal went through?” I asked.
“Senate and House had already approved it in closed session,” Marco said. “Brazil had been on board since the beginning, England followed our lead, India gave the thumbs-up right away. Russia said no, and the Yeerks put them in a communications blackout and went in and scooped up a few hundred nukes anyway. At that point, China said yes to avoid getting frozen out. They pulled maybe twelve thousand nukes over the first month, and the internet is pretty sure they started shipping out food and fuel and other Earth tech, too. Meanwhile, there are over a hundred and fifty thousand registered voluntary Controllers in Brazil, and another five thousand or so who’ve gone willingly into space.”
A hundred and fifty thousand? In the space of a few weeks?
“The whole thing is feeding on itself,” Marco continued. “Every new volunteer either goes to work helping vet the next batch of volunteers, or joins the construction group that’s building pools for when the rest of V3’s fleet arrives in October. They’ve got an incentive system set up, too—there’s this high-tech med center that they just dropped straight down from orbit, and they’re allegedly giving some kind of anti-aging treatment to anybody who signs up. People who volunteer for a two-year tour in the Yeerk fleet get the treatment for themselves and for three other people of their choice.”
“And everybody’s just—just letting this happen?” Letting aliens inject them with who-knows-what...
“Yes and no,” Tom said. “There’s been resistance. Some attacks, a few bombings. A handful of Controllers have been murdered, and a few more kidnapped—”
“All recovered within six hours,” Marco cut in. “We’re thinking that they must have some kind of implant—tracking, identification, maybe poison if something goes wrong.”
“—but the Yeerks are taking security super seriously. The place is a fortress—they’ve got checkpoints everywhere, bio-filters, armed Hork-Bajir guards, a shield over the whole thing. There’s a no-fly zone for a thirty mile radius around the pool, backed up by the Brazilian military and a U.S. Marine air control group.”
“But people are taking it peacefully?” I asked. “There’s no—no war?”
“No. Some of the attacks are probably from government black ops groups, testing the waters, but nobody’s fighting openly. The Yeerks have got complete air superiority—part of the deal they cut with the new President was for oversight at the factories where new Bug fighters were already being built. And after Russia caved, and after what happened to Kim Jong-un, nobody else was willing to paint a target on their own head.”
Marco pulled a phone out of his pocket, tapped the screen a few times, and handed it to me. I glanced down to see a grid filled with names and numbers.
“It’s all there,” he said. “All public—the application and vetting process, the contract that volunteers have to sign, the list of participating nations, the names of all the people who’ve applied or been approved. There’s a page on there about the psych and health evaluations, including background on all the doctors who’re involved. There’s a page about transparency that’s got what looks like a live feed on the pool, and another one on their response policy for acts of aggression. They’ve got U.N. observers going in and out every couple of days, and diplomatic representatives from about thirty countries, and propaganda about the Yeerk empire, which they’re calling a federation for obvious reasons—”
I held up a hand, and Marco paused as I squeezed my eyes shut again, pinching the bridge of my nose. The feeling of too-much-to-take-in was halfway through transforming into a full-blown headache, and even though my emotions had mostly thawed I still had a suspicious lack of reaction to the overall fact of defeat, as if a part of me had plugged its ears and refused to really hear it.
“Are they letting people out?” I asked slowly. “I mean—has anybody de—dis-infested, or whatever?”
“Yeah, a few hundred. Most of them are still in quarantine, but some have been sent all the way home. After like a thousand different doctors gave them the all-clear.”
I looked over at my brother, who had been a Controller yesterday—
—three months ago.
I looked back at Marco. “If this was just—what’s-it’s-name—Telor—”
“Yeah, no shit. But it’s not. Visser Three is still very much in charge. Or at least, we didn’t kill him.”
I listened with half my attention as Tom and Marco said more words about the technology the Yeerks had been sharing—medical devices and Z-space communicators and repulsorlifts and holograms.
If it had just been Telor—
So much of this was what we’d been hoping for, according to Tom’s history. At least since Temrash had joined with Ax—peaceful cooperation, the development of friendship and understanding, a chance to skip ahead into the future.
It was the sort of resolution Cassie would’ve dreamed of.
But the nukes, the assassinations, the suspicious swiftness and ease with which the world had apparently settled into a new order—all of it smelled of conspiracy, of manipulation. This was the same creature who had responded to the destruction of the pool by murdering half a million people, including almost everyone I’d ever known.
Including Cassie.
“Save Erek. I’m going after the kid.”
I could see her, in my mind’s eye, as if she were right in front of me—my last glimpse of her, before the god-thing whisked us away. I could see the sweat and dust on her face, the set of her jaw, the grim determination in her eyes. The pain of it wrenched at me, and I gritted my teeth, reaching up a hand to wipe away a tear before it rolled down where Tom and Marco could see it.
This isn’t over.
It couldn’t be. Not as long as Visser Three was pulling the strings. I wouldn’t let it.
“—definitely morphers, which means either some of Nickerson’s crew or Tobias’s auxiliary Animorphs, or both—”
I blinked, my attention yanked back out of my head. “Wait. What?”
“—so we’ve got to assume that the Yeerks have morph-capable hosts, by now. Probably not many, but reading between the lines, I’d be surprised if they caught fewer than five.”
“Caught them?”
“It’s subtle. I’m piecing together a lot of this from literal conspiracy theory websites, so take it with a grain of salt. But the auxiliaries would be trying to fuck with the pool, wouldn’t they? I mean, that’s where we’d be, in their shoes. And their whole extradition policy—look—”
He took back the phone, changed tabs, held it out again. “See? That’s a raven; they definitely don’t have those in Brazil. And here—this is after the attack—you can see they’ve knocked out eleven people, see the leg poking out from behind the truck? But when they did their report, they only showed nine people extradited to Geneva. They’re keeping some of them, and they’re trying to keep it quiet.”
“It could be that the last two were just Brazilians,” Tom said, sounding tired. “Or that two of the casualties were on the Yeerks’ side. Or that they died in the attack, and that’s why they weren’t shipped out.”
“It could be, sure. But there’ve been a dozen different incidents where it’s plausible that there were morphers involved. You want to count on every single one of them got away, every time?”
“It doesn’t matter whether they’re snatching up morphers or not, that’s all the way over in Brazil—”
Marco laughed—a dead, humorless sound—and Tom’s jaw snapped shut. I looked back and forth between them for a moment, my black box racing through a calculation—
Tom’s done.
There was no feeling associated with the thought. No judgment, no anger, no disappointment. Just the reality, suddenly crystal clear in my mind—that after everything he’d been through, being a Controller and then an Animorph, watching everything go to shit in an instant and then carrying it—carrying all of us—on his shoulders while the world fell apart—
My brother had reached his limit.
That’s why we’re here, in Madagascar, I realized. Instead of being in the U.S., or Brazil, or someplace close like Venezuela. We were as far away as we could get—as far away from everything.
I locked eyes with Marco, who bit his lip and gave a tiny, fractional shake of his head.
Don’t push it.
“Tom,” I said softly. “What’s—um. Is that everything? I mean—is there anything else? Anything big?”
He let out a breath, his shoulders sinking further than I thought they could, as if he was a balloon and someone was letting out the air.
“Yeah,” he said finally, sounding more tired than I’d ever heard him. “We’ve got a situation with Ax.”
* * *
“Hello, Prince Jake—”
Prince?
“—it’s good to see you again.”
The operating room was small, but spacious, everything neatly organized, every surface spotless and gleaming. Ax was sitting upright on the table in human morph, naked except for a towel draped across his waist, the pale fabric bright against the chestnut color of his skin.
“You, too, Ax,” I replied. I turned to look at the nurse, who was bent over a small table, prepping a set of instruments I didn’t recognize. “Hi, I’m—”
“Jake Berenson,” she said, cutting me off. She spared me a quick glance, her face tight, then turned back to her work. “Fantatro. My name Alima.”
I stiffened.
Right—Alima, Aina’s sister.
I stood frozen for a moment, unsure how to respond, as Alima turned to Ax, holding out a black loop of cloth with tubes and wires emerging from it. “Ambony sandriny, toy ny fotoana farany,” she said in a clipped, no-nonsense tone.
“Arak any filazanao, Alima,” Ax replied, taking the cloth and sliding it up his arm like a blood pressure cuff.
I watched for another minute as the nurse hung what look like an IV bag, then filled and laid out four different hypodermic needles on a stainless steel tray.
“How soon?” I asked.
“Not long,” Ax said. “Sorry about the bad timing.”
Rolling over on his stomach, Ax stretched out flat, his head turned to the side. Reaching over to the wall, Alima unhooked four small pads at the ends of long, thin cords, and placed them in a square around his upper back.
“Vonona?” she asked.
“Eny,” he replied.
And then the changes began.
Usually, morphing is completely painless. There’s some kind of technology that prevents you from really feeling the fact that your muscles are melting, your bones rearranging themselves. You can sort of tell what’s happening, but it’s a distant awareness rather than actual sensation.
But if you’re morphing into a body that’s already in pain…
Ax sucked in a breath almost immediately, as a long, dark gash opened up along his side, blood and muscle visible for a moment before the scab emerged to cover it and a bandage grew on top of that. Half of the fur that was sprouting along his back was black instead of blue, and in places there was no fur at all—just burnt, blistered flesh.
…it managed to throw a grenade at the Bug fighter. Ax was burned pretty badly, broke a few bones, lost sight in one of his stalks…
He groaned as his arms began to shift position, one of them folding neatly underneath, the other bent at an odd, painful-looking angle and swollen to half again its normal size. The groan became a gasp as a second set of legs emerged from his torso, then cut off as if smothered as his mouth vanished.
We didn’t have time to grab anything, Tom had said. The ship was on fire, and for all we knew it was the Chee’s fault—we just ran, and didn’t look back.
Slowly, agonizingly, a broken Andalite body grew out of the healthy human one. His breathing was shallow, irregular, belabored, his three remaining eyes held tightly shut against the pain. I felt an urge to reach out, to comfort, to reassure, and held back with an act of will—I wasn’t sure if Andalites liked physical contact, and even if I had been, there was hardly an inch of him that wasn’t bruised, bleeding, or burned.
He’s in his own body for a little less than three minutes per morph, and he morphs about once an hour. So that’s an hour per day, total, for nine weeks—
“Can he—” I began, and then broke off. “Can you talk?”
‹Yes.›
The changes slowed, stopped, and Alima sprang into action, checking bandages, adjusting sensors, looking back and forth from the screens to the alien. Picking up the first of the needles, she lifted his tail and injected it in the thick muscle of his upper leg.
“Are you—getting better?" I asked. "Recovering?”
‹Slowly,› he answered, the pain evident even in thought-speak. ‹It is better than it was four weeks ago. We are passing out of critical condition, and Alima has been able to find viable substitutes for transfusions. But if it had not been for Temrash—if Aximili had faced this alone, with only his body’s natural responses—›
Alima placed her hand in the center of the wide, white bandage that wrapped around his torso, and pressed down, firmly. He twitched, and his tail blade spasmed alarmingly, but he made no sound. Nodding, she turned to the wall and flipped a pair of switches, connecting the IV bag to the tubes emerging from the black cuff.
“Do you still need Temrash’s help? Actively, I mean?”
‹Yes. Without it, we would slip into shock, and die.›
Two more needles, and then Alima stepped around to the other side of the table, tearing open the packaging on a large, square band-aid.
“How long does Temrash have?”
‹Not long. The fugue is already beginning. Half a day, at most. Perhaps half of that. And he will become unable to help before the end.›
Six hours.
At an hour per day, that was six days.
“The oatmeal—” I began.
‹As a last resort, yes,› Ax said. ‹But all of the caches are in locations known to the Chee. If they’ve turned, or if they’ve been compromised…›
He didn’t finish the thought.
“What if we tried morphing a Yeerk again?”
Marco had finally come up with a theory for what had happened, the one time that Garrett had attempted it.
The morphing tech scans, he’d said. It doesn’t just run off DNA. Look at your scar, or how long our hair and fingernails are. But I think—I think if the scan gets interrupted for some reason, the morphing tech tries its best anyway. Tries to extrapolate from DNA alone. And if a single Yeerk is like a finger—
‹We considered it. But the danger is too great. The body would be large enough to produce kandrona, but there is no guarantee that Temrash would be able to reemerge after the sharing. We do not know how a—a feral coalescion, a primal one, would behave. We could be lost forever within it—›
“Vita,” interrupted Alima, unhooking the bag and stepping back from the table. “It is done. Change.”
‹Yes, Alima,› said Ax.
I tried to think as the changes took place, as the huge Andalite body melted and shriveled and shrank, becoming human once more.
The oatmeal, a Yeerk morph, the pool. Were there any other options?
We could try to figure out the whole eating-other-Yeerks thing.
But it wasn’t clear how that worked, whether there was other preparation required. Plus, unless the Yeerks were lying, people had already tried kidnapping Controllers, and nobody had gotten away with it yet.
Not to mention that we don’t have any way to get a Yeerk out of someone’s head until it’s already run out of kandrona itself.
We could try going public—approach the pool openly, or work through the government—
Except we already burned bridges with the U.S. government, and we don’t know anybody in Brazil, and also Visser Three would probably just kill them both.
Try to trick some Controller into infesting Ax? Set up a situation where it looks like Ax is unconscious, and vulnerable—
No. They all know about Ax already; nobody would fall for it.
I sighed. There had to be some way to make it work—right? It couldn’t be that there was just no way to save him.
In the back of my head, an imaginary Marco laughed.
All right, fine. Have Ax morph into himself, and stay past the time limit. He’ll lose a few days of memories, but everything else will be instantly healed, just like Tobias.
It was tempting. Except—
Well, first of all, that would still leave the problem with Ax’s mental isolation, which from what Elfangor said was not the sort of thing he would’ve outgrown in a month.
And deeper than that—
I looked down at the shape on the table, the last hints of blue and black fading into brown—a brown that a part of my brain I had absolutely no control over had already noted was the exact same shade as Cassie’s skin.
Temrash deserves saving.
It wasn’t my own thought—not exactly. I hadn’t forgotten what Temrash had done to my brother—the way Tom had looked when he emerged from Erek’s cocoon, the horror and trauma and pain on his face. There was a part of me that would have thrown the slug into a trash compactor without a moment's hesitation.
But the part of me that wanted to do better. That wanted to be wiser, stronger, nobler. The part of me that knew how to look through Cassie’s eyes, and wanted someone like her to be proud of me.
That part knew.
I don’t want to write off a whole species just because they haven’t figured it out in the two years since they discovered that there was anybody different out there at all.
Cassie had said that, to Rachel, the night before we killed everyone inside the Yeerk pool. Two nights ago, as far as my heart and soul were concerned.
If Temrash doesn’t deserve saving, then neither do you. Neither does Ax.
It was the same rule either way. It couldn’t turn off for Temrash and on for us. If there was to be any consistency at all, it was that all of us deserved to live, Yeerk and human and Andalite alike.
That didn’t change the realities of war—of what you had to do when people were shooting at you, when they were threatening to take your home, your family, your life. But it meant that we couldn’t just abandon Temrash to his fate. Not if there was any other way, any other way at all.
All right, then. Six days.
We’d think of something.
Chapter 46: Interlude 12
Notes:
1. Sorry.
2. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for you, my readers.
3. Tobias will be published by the end of the day Sunday (Pacific time), probably along with a second very short interlude.
4. Comment "A" if you have a strong preference for receiving updates as they occur, regardless of whether there will be long delays between them. Comment "B" if you have a strong preference that I wait until I've written a batch of chapters which I can then publish in series, even if this means waiting (much) longer for the first of those chapters to appear.
5. Sorry.
Chapter Text
Interlude
‹I hereby formally accuse you of orchestrating all of the setbacks and difficulties that have plagued, crippled, and delayed the invasion of Earth and the assimilation of the human species. I denounce you as a traitor, and petition this council to remove you from your position as Visser One, to quarantine your coalescion, and to destroy your host. As evidence for this accusation, I present to this council—look! Observe how her host responds! See how her control is shaken! This is one of the leaders of the human resistance, a morph-capable human and the biological offspring of the Visser's own host body. Does any Yeerk present need further evidence that this entire farce has been contrived since the very beginning?›
Chapter 47: Chapter 35: Tobias
Notes:
Author's Note: There were quite mixed results from my poll about update scheduling, with most of Reddit preferring batches and most of ff and ao3 preferring single releases. I think what I will do is continue to release chapters one at a time, and refrain from making promises about the future (since I'm clearly quite bad at predicting myself), and ask that people who repost these stories elsewhere put a note somewhere like "Not a complete arc" or something.
As always, thank you so very much for reading, and if you have the time, please please please leave a comment or a review, or skip on over to r/rational to participate in the discussion there. I apologize again for the extremely unreliable update schedule, but really and truly, your feedback is what keeps me going.
Chapter Text
Chapter 35: Tobias
People think that beauty is supposed to be solemn.
I mean, not everybody. But people, you know?
Most people.
Like, that’s sort of the mainstream deal, even though nobody exactly spells it out—you go to an art museum, or a rose garden, or the top of a mountain or whatever, and everybody’s all hushed and serious. Like there’s something sacred about it, sacred the way a church is sacred—something fragile that you’re not supposed to disturb. Like it’s expensive, so you have to act all dignified and upper class.
But then you see kids—
—young kids, like preschoolers or kindergarteners or whatever—
—and you show them a butterfly, or a kaleidoscope, or a picture of Jupiter, and they don’t just sit there looking all serious. They don’t, like, just take in a deep breath and nod meaningfully at each other.
They gasp.
They scream.
Their eyes go big, and they laugh out loud, and they call all their friends over to see it, and they get all excited and won’t stop talking about it and it just—
Lights them up.
Like they’re not bigger than the beauty. Like they can’t quite hold it in, you know? Like it’s more than they can handle and they’re just—totally along for the ride.
Like the time that Garrett dragged me out to the field behind Oak Landing—literally dragged me, came into the room and grabbed me by the arm and wouldn’t let me go—because the sun was coming through the leaves just right and there was this patch of dirt in the corner with a bunch of mica and it looked like—like a magic potion, all sparks and shimmers as the breeze pushed the shadows back and forth.
We sat there for an hour—a whole hour—and Garret just would not stop laughing. Laughed the whole time, couldn’t help but laugh, was so overcome with delight that the laughter was just—
Just the way it was.
The right thing, is how he’d say it now. If it happened today.
And I thought—I was twelve at the time, and even then I sort of already knew, somewhere deep down inside—
That there was something missing, in the rest of us. Something lost, or maybe forgotten. That it was sad—broken, somehow—that Garrett was the only one who was really swept away by it.
Some of the other kids, they came by and saw him laughing, started making fun of him. Calling him retarded, mocking his tics, stuff like that. Stupid stuff. Ordinarily, I would’ve stepped up, maybe thrown a couple of punches. But Garrett didn’t even notice. He just kept laughing like he couldn’t even hear them, and I looked back and forth, and in that moment—
—compared to him—
—they just seemed so—
I don’t know. Small? Empty? Gray?
Like, here was this kid who was happy, who was caught up in something bright and beautiful and perfect, and meanwhile these other kids, they couldn’t see it, didn’t have it, and so all they could think of to do was tear it down, make fun of it, drag it through the mud and make it ugly, and they couldn’t even do that, Garrett was so swept up in it that he literally didn’t even see them.
And for a second it all made sense, in a sort of sad, Sunday school kind of way. Like, I could feel where I was supposed to be angry, where it was supposed to bother me, but instead it all just seemed kind of boring and pathetic and predictable. Like—like they couldn’t help it any more than Garrett could, so why bother. I didn’t say anything, just kind of looked at them, and after a while they gave up and left, and meanwhile Garrett never stopped laughing.
A whole hour, man. That’s a long time.
And it hurt, a little. The fact that I wasn’t—
That I couldn’t—
I dunno. Like, I could see what Garrett was seeing, I knew what he was so hyped up about, but I couldn’t sink in to it the same way he was. Couldn’t let go.
I mean, I get it. You grow up in an orphanage on the wrong side of the tracks, you see a lot of people that can’t really afford to just go along for the ride. People who can’t let themselves get carried away. Can’t let their guard down, not all the way——not even for a minute. There’s too much at stake. You see them walking down the street, and you can see that they’re on edge, taking it all in, digesting it—that they know exactly who’s around them and where all the exits are, that they could tell you how many steps it’d take them to get to the next safe place.
I used to tell Garrett that nothing really bad had ever happened to me, and that it was because I kept my eyes open. Because I noticed when there were too many teenagers on the next street corner, or when a man was being just a little too nice to me in the arcade, or when one of the older kids was starting to get the dangerous kind of bored.
So yeah, I get it—the need to hang on, to stay on top of things, to stay alert and in control. To be bigger than whatever’s happening around you, so that it can’t sweep you away—to be able to watch it and judge it instead of letting it really hit you.
I mean, it’s not like I do the overcome-with-excitement thing very often, myself.
But I kind of think—
I dunno.
That maybe it would be better if I could?
That it’s a better world to live in, you know? A better way to be. That the people who can let go, but don’t—the ones who act all stuffed-up and dignified no matter how much money they have or how safe their neighborhood is—that they’re missing something important. Like driving a car when you could be riding a rollercoaster, or carefully unwrapping your presents when you could just tear through the paper.
I mean, how many of us even get the chance to have our breath taken away?
I think—looking back—that that’s most of why I kept wanting to put up shields around Garrett. Even after everything. Not because he couldn’t take care of himself, but because I didn’t want him to have to. Not all the time. Sometimes, I want him to be able to just let go—to be the kid he was two years ago, the kid I think he’s somehow supposed to be.
Not like he’s not supposed to grow up. Just—I don’t know. More like the difference between childish and childlike. I’d do just about anything to keep that part of him alive—the part of him that knows how to be overwhelmed, that hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to be truly, genuinely awestruck. The part of him that—what—believes in the spirit of Christmas, or something?
Or like, the non-stupid, non-embarrassing version of that, anyway.
And then I think about the day we first found Ax. Down in the dark, in squid morph. And those lights, swirling and sparkling all around us, green and blue and purple and white and colors I’d never seen before, and I think about him whispering the word pretty, just that one word and then he went silent, went silent and got back to work, because he was trying to do the right thing, and I feel like—
Like—
Well. It’s stupid, I guess. But if I’m being honest, it feels exactly the same way that it felt when the Ellimist or whoever it was teleported me into the YMCA and I saw Garrett standing there frozen with a laser beam pointed at the back of his head. Like I had let him down, like it was my fault for not—
I don’t know. Making it okay? Showing him, instead of just telling him?
He volunteered, Jake said, as we stood there in the middle of all the smoke and horror. Said it was the right thing to do. Wanted me to tell you, if he died, that he wasn’t afraid.
And that—
That was on me.
The way Jake and Marco had talked about the Yeerk pool, it was basically hell on Earth, and Garrett had strapped a bunch of bombs to himself and gone straight in without hesitation, because he thought—
—he thought that was the sort of thing I’d want him to do. That he was living up to me, by doing it.
Somewhere along the line, I’d forgotten. Forgotten just how hard he listened, how blindly he trusted. Forgotten that I wasn’t just his brother, that I was also his—what—his hero, his role model, that he was looking up to me, actually looking, actually paying attention—that he watched me for clues about how the world worked, and what sort of person he should be inside of it.
And me—
I can’t remember the last time I just laughed. Laughed without looking around first, laughed without worrying or thinking, laughed because the laughter felt alive. It was all caution and calculation and consequences, everything channeled and controlled.
And I realized—
—after I woke up and found out that Garrett had literally died for me, that he’d given up his own life to try to save mine, morphed into me instead of into himself—
That I didn’t want that.
I didn’t want him to be like that. To be like me—to think that the way I am, the way I was for him, that that was what he was supposed to grow up into.
I wanted him to do better. To be better.
And that meant being better myself. Showing him that it was okay. That he was allowed to be scared, that he didn’t have to be perfect, that it was okay to be small and to be human and to sometimes say no, that’s too big, I can’t do it, can’t carry it.
It meant learning how to let go.
Rolling onto my back, I curved downward into the deep, dark blue, like an Olympic diver doing a backflip off of a high dive—pointed my snout toward the distant, sandy bottom and cut through the water like a torpedo. At the last second, I twisted—swept so close to the mud and silt that they billowed up around me like a smoke bomb—and arrowed upward again, pumping my tail, moving at what felt like a hundred miles an hour even though it was probably only thirty.
Ahead of me was a school of fish, darting and swelling, their scales flashing silver in the dim, filtered light. I angled toward them, letting out a series of clicks to feel their position, and shot straight through the center of the could, scattering them in all directions. Banking like a fighter jet, I pointed my nose at the sun and shot toward the surface—
I’ve been a bird. I’ve been a hawk, and a snipe, and a seagull, and a goose—I’ve climbed through the clouds, floated on billowing thermals, folded my wings and dropped through the sky like a shooting star.
But somehow, none of that felt half as much like flying as this. The split second of weightless freedom as my body cleared the waves. The thousand tiny droplets sparkling in the sunlight like shattered glass. The heat of the open air on my skin. It was like stepping through a portal between worlds, or falling into a dream at the snap of a hypnotist’s fingers—there was something about how very not at home I was in the air that made it all the more exhilarating.
I laughed.
Not just in my head. Out loud, with my real voice—with the wild, chittering exuberance of the dolphin, all restraint and modesty forgotten. It was joy, pure joy, and I reveled in it as I sucked in a breath and smashed back into the water, becoming once again a dancer, a gymnast, my fins and tail turning from glider’s wings back into rocket boosters. A distant squeal caught my ear and I turned toward it, listening for the clicks and splashes that meant that the rest of the pod had come back to play—
There was another version of me that would’ve held back. That would have been unable to relax, that would have held on—even in this moment—to the broader perspective, the human world of past and future, of fears and anxieties and plans and consequences. Who would have been on guard, on duty, even at a time when there was nothing to be done—who would have felt guilty about not being able to think of anything to do.
The sort of person who does the right thing, even if it’s hard.
But being that—that militant, that black-or-white—
That wasn’t the right thing.
It was a kind of stupid I hadn’t noticed myself being until recently. It was like trying to get an extra eight hours out of the day by not sleeping—you couldn’t do it, or at least not for very long. There were some situations where just trying harder was a mistake—where it made no difference, where it was just burning fuel. Where there were no levers on the problem, and no ways to build levers, and no ways to get better at building levers—where there were no next actions and nothing to grab onto. And in those cases—
Sometimes, the actual right thing to do was to let go. To really let go, all the way down—to let all the muscles relax, so that they could start to knit themselves back together. Sometimes the race wasn’t a sprint or even a marathon, but a thousand-mile trek into Mordor, and if you didn’t stop to let your blisters heal they’d just keep getting worse. The picture I had in my head, of a lone soldier standing guard through the night no matter how tired he got, constantly vigilant—
It was attractive. Epic. It felt good, to imagine myself in those shoes.
But I didn’t want to do things just because they felt good. Just because they made a nice story to tell myself, about myself. Like the security at an airport, putting on a show, pretending that making everybody take off their shoes was actually helping. I wanted to do what worked—what would really work, in the long run, given all of the ways that I was small and weak and stupid and tired.
I wanted to do the right thing, even if it meant letting go of the story that I’d been doing it all along.
And so—
With nothing better to do, as I waited on things that were already in motion, things I had no way to speed up—
I swam with the dolphins.
Not because I was supposed to. Not out of duty or responsibility, not as medicine. Because it was fun. Because I wanted to, for my own sake, and the only thing that had been holding me back was the illusion that it wasn’t allowed—the illusion that the war could be won in a single breath, a single burst of effort, and that taking a day off was the same thing as giving up.
That wasn’t a lesson I’d been able to learn, before. Wasn’t the sort of thing I could have imagined myself doing, the sort of option I’d allowed myself to notice.
But then, you’d sort of hope that dying and coming back to life would change your perspective a little.
Right?
Another squeal echoed through the water, and I put on a burst of speed, letting out a sharp whistle in response. They would be in the cove, eight of them—the same cove where I’d first found them, first swum out to meet them in my own human body. They’d been fascinated by the transformation, that first time—had swirled around, nudging me with their snouts, clicking and squeaking like a room full of excited toddlers as my legs fused together and my skin turned gray.
Now, as I glided forward, they circled around me again, nipping at my fins, blowing rings of air past my snout, turning upside down to steal Eskimo kisses. They knew who and what I was, recognized me as a copy—there was a moment of jostling confusion, and then suddenly my doppelganger was there, face to face with me—my twin, the original, the male whose form I had borrowed—pushed forward by the others who then backed off to give us space.
For a moment, the other dolphin fixed his eyes on mine, hovering like a hummingbird, unnaturally still in the water. I could see something like thought in his gaze, watch the progress of emotions in his face, his body language. There was something familiar about his stance, something that sparked recognition in the back of my mind, human and animal alike—
Like a dog on its elbows, ready to play.
He twitched, and chirped, and waved a fin, and the message was absolutely, unambiguously clear.
Let’s get them!
I let out a single squeak in agreement, and we were off—darting past each other, the tips of our fins brushing as we gave chase, herding the rest of the pod like sheep. The other dolphins were every bit as fast as we were, but they were playing to play, not to escape—lingering and feinting and clustering and dodging, letting us get within inches before twisting away, filling the water with the sounds of laughter.
Eventually, I managed to tag one of them with my snout, and—just like a human—he switched sides, turning to coordinate with me in a pincer maneuver that caught one of the younger juveniles. Soon, there were six of us who were ‘it,’ and the remaining three turned belly-up in surrender before wriggling skyward, kicking off a round of who-can-jump-the-highest that lasted until one of them came across a floating chunk of driftwood and tossed it into the air for another to catch…
I don’t know how long we romped and frolicked, tearing through the waves. I lost track of time—wasn’t even trying to keep track—didn’t bother to count how many times I demorphed and remorphed as the rest of the pod circled around me, chittering with delight.
Game after game, hour after hour, dancing through the water with barely a human thought crossing my mind. I was drunk, delirious, disinhibited, letting the dolphin’s instincts drive as I sank into the background, letting the part of me that planned and measured and worried and cared recede as my inner five-year-old came out to play. I raced, and I chased, and I dove, and I laughed, dissolving into the moment with no concept of past or future.
When the games began to wear thin, we turned to hunting, darting through the shallows, dragging our snouts across the sea floor to raise billowing walls of silt that tricked the slow-moving skates into clumping together where we could snatch and toss and swallow at will. Eventually, muscles aching and bellies bulging, we slipped into the current and drifted out into the open water.
Enough, I thought, as I rolled to the surface and refilled my lungs. Not the word, the human concept, but the feeling, full and raw—a warm, rounded contentment, a deep and pervasive sense of enough-ness that wrapped around me like a blanket. It was good, it was whole, it was tired, it was satisfied. I was satisfied, body and mind alike—was relaxed and happy and present. I felt as if I could drift forever, tracing the border between sea and sky with the sun on my back. I knew, somewhere in the farthest corner of my mind, that there was something not-quite-true about that, but I also knew that it wasn’t urgent—that I would come back to it, in time, and that for the moment, there was nowhere I was supposed to be, and maybe not even anybody to do the supposing in the first place.
Dipping below the waves, I turned—
—and shuddered at the sudden rush of sensation as one of the other dolphins slid past me—literally slid, belly to belly, its skin gliding across my own from tail to snout. Caught in my wordless daydream, I hadn’t noticed its approach, and as it pulled away, I found myself following by reflex, trailing behind it like a plastic bag caught in the wake of a passing car.
Another reflex produced a series of clicks, and in the echoes I saw that the pod had drifted apart, the other dolphins clustered together in twos and threes, twisting and twining closer than before with lazy, languid movements. There was only one still close to me—one of the younger males—and as I turned he slid under me again, crosswise this time, his snout tickling the area between my fins as he passed.
Still moving on instinct, I darted after him, pumping my tail, coming up under his left fin and rolling him over onto his back as if we were wrestling. He didn’t resist, instead pushing back up against me with his own tail, and I felt something firm between us in the brief instant before we drifted apart, felt a surge of giddy, liquid pleasure that would have made me gasp if I had been in my own body—
Oh.
Oh.
A part of me came awake, then, through the weary euphoria—a thinking, conscious, deliberate part, not the fully fledged human but a fragment of will and judgment. I looked again, with eyes a shade less animal, and this time I saw it, poking out of the underside of the other dolphin’s tail—saw it and recognized it, open and unashamed and unmistakable.
In the same instant, I noticed the change in my own body—a reflective arousal, a feeling of drag under my tail as something less-than-streamlined trailed through the water like a rudder.
Uh—
Time seemed to slow.
There was understanding, in half-formed words and concepts—a hazy awareness that this was a thing that was happening, a set of circumstances bounded by choice and consequence. I was suddenly conscious of my nakedness in a way that I never had been, in morph—felt an overwhelming desire to have hands, and to use them to cover myself.
Just as strong, though, was the hunger—a hot, familiar hunger as the other dolphin came close again, his snout nuzzling at the cleft below my own belly, awakening something inside of me, steel and warmth and reckless longing. A part of me thrashed instinctively, pressing forward into the water, aching for something to press against—
Stop.
It wasn’t a word. I still wasn’t thinking in words. It was a sensation, like the jerk that sometimes happens just before you fall asleep—some deep and primal part of me hitting the brakes, yanking me out of the flow of things and back into something like sapience. I spun around, making space, still feeling the resistance under my tail as I cut through the water. The other dolphin trailed behind me, chirping playfully, looping and darting and blowing bubbles. In the distance, I could see the rest of the pod, tangled and touching—could hear the sounds that they were making, low and soft and guttural.
It hit me, then, in a rush of deadly self-awareness—a realization so unnerving that for a moment I literally stopped dead in the water—
Are you fucking kidding me?
I didn’t answer the voice—didn’t try to—just held still, the seconds ticking by as I let it sink in.
You cannot be serious.
But I was. Or at least, a part of me was. And in a second burst of clarity, I recognized the horrified voice for what it was—not me, exactly, but just another part—a should-be, a supposed-to, the part of me that had been stamped into shape by everyone else—
That is so fucking sick—
—reflexive outrage, performative disgust, some frightened part of me that was scrambling to stave off punishment, to look good in front of an imaginary lynch mob—
Hang on, that doesn’t sound quite right either—
I tried to slow down, to pull all of the threads into view where I could see them, even as it felt like my brain was splitting in two and going to war with itself. Imaginary! shouted the first voice. They’re gonna see this the next time they morph into you, Jake or Marco or god forbid Garrett—
And there it was.
With a burst of mental effort, I shut off the voice, clamped down on it and forced it into silence. After a moment’s consideration, I did the same thing to the other voices—the smug dismissal, the wordless lust.
If you ARE there, Garrett, I thought. If you’ve morphed me, and you’re looking back at this memory—
What would I want him to see? What would I want him to take away from this?
Choice.
Not shoulds. Not guilt, conformity, social pressure. And not the opposite of those things, either—recklessness, contrarianism. I didn’t want Garrett to be—
Controlled.
And I didn’t want me to be controlled, either. I wanted to think, not just be yanked around by whatever mental voice happened to be loudest at the time.
I slowed down in the water, tried to center myself, twisted a little to dodge as the other dolphin took another pass at me.
Okay, then, Tobias.
Okay.
So, what’s going on is—
I stumbled a little, my mind hiccupping.
Right. And I—
I maybe—
I maybe actually want to—
Something in me hit the brakes again, and I started over, thinking each thought carefully, one word at a time.
I was tempted.
Actually tempted, and that was incredibly—
—incredibly—
—incredibly something, I was obviously having a major reaction, but my mind wouldn’t let me stick any sort of pretend-label on it, wouldn’t let me give the answers I knew that I was supposed to give, and wouldn’t let me give the opposite of those answers, either.
But it was huge and terrifying and taboo, anyway, and the fact that it was huge and terrifying and taboo hadn’t made it go away, hadn’t deterred that part of me in the slightest, and I was trying to find excuses to run, trying to find excuses to stay, trying not to look straight at what I was considering because either way it would be a choice, either way it would mean something about me as a person, something important—
Wouldn’t it?
Breathe, Tobias.
Oh, right.
I wriggled into motion, heading skyward, breaking the surface to refill my lungs before sinking back down again. The other male was still close, chirping curiously, poking and teasing, and as it brushed against me I rolled away and I could feel it, feel him as our bodies tangled for a moment. The sensation produced another cascade of reactions and counter-reactions, turning my mind upside-down and shaking everything loose like a snow globe—
Okay, fine. It’s too much to process. Just swim away.
But once more, something in me objected, would not actually let me leave. I felt myself slowing down again in the water, felt myself moving carefully from one thought to the next, as if each was a stepping stone made of glass.
Okay.
So, the dolphins.
The dolphins, they’re—they’re horny, they’re fooling around, and I—
I braced myself.
I’m—
I’m maybe kind of into it, on some level, I thought carefully.
Because you’re in morph and the dolphin’s—what, hormones?—are influencing you, said a voice.
Maybe.
Or maybe that was just—
—an excuse?
The other dolphin whispered past me in the water, nudged my fin with his snout, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
Okay, so there’s this fucked-up thing, whatever. But I’m not going to. Obviously.
I opened my eyes again, staring off into the deep blue, away from the rest of the pod.
But why not, though?
The other part of me didn’t answer, and to be fair, it did seem pretty obvious.
That’s not an argument, though. What’s the actual reason?
The other voice—
The other voice had plenty of reasons.
But the central I, the me that felt like it wasn’t just another voice, that felt like it was really me—
It wasn’t quite buying any of them.
Another phrase floated up into my thoughts, a snippet from my earlier musings—the illusion that it wasn’t allowed.
If I’d been in my own body, I would have shaken my head. I wasn’t quite buying that, either. There was something about it that was suspect—a sort of too-convenient cleverness, like it was an excuse for whatever just-fuck-it part of my self was trying to talk the rest of me into it, trying to drive me off the cliff—
What CLIFF, though?
I turned in the water, looking back over my shoulder at the rest of the pod, at the sleek shapes twisting and writhing in the distance. It was a long look, not furtive or glancing this time, but open and honest, really taking it in.
Yep. That—that is happening right now.
I could feel the hunger burning at the edges of my mind, bizarrely out of place but nevertheless familiar, a well-worn longing remembered from a hundred sleepless nights at Oak Landing, trying not to shake the bunk.
And along with the hunger—
Or maybe in response to it?
Ah.
I’m not sure what made it click, but suddenly it was like everything snapped into focus. I could see it, now—the real fear, the underlying pressure that had been causing me to hit the brakes, to reject the easy answers in either direction. The voices inside of me had been trying to skip to the end, and some deeper, more stubborn part had resisted, insisted that I actually think it through.
It wasn’t so much the situation itself. That was weird and unnerving, but honestly at this point I’d been through worse.
No. It was the freedom. It was because no one was watching, because there were no rules or guard rails, no right thing in the way that Garrett cared about. It was the fact that this was a choice without consequences—either way, in a few more hours, I’d be back on land, in a completely different body, following a different set of priorities that were already locked in and weren’t going to change.
No—there was nothing at stake here except the way that I thought about myself. My own identity, and whether this was the sort of thing I wanted to remember doing. Whichever decision I made, stay or go, it would be me making it, with no excuses to hide behind. I couldn’t pretend that there was anything forcing me or stopping me, which meant that I couldn’t pretend it was anyone else’s fault.
And that—
That was terrifying.
I looked again at the younger dolphin, felt a shiver run through my body as he slipped closer, came alongside me, rubbed my fin with his fin and bumped his snout against my lower jaw, letting out a tentative, questioning chirp.
Want to play? he was asking.
It was a good question.
And I—
* * *
I unslung the bundle of fish from my shoulder and dropped it down onto the steel countertop. “Manao ahoana e, Tsiory,” I said.
The old man looked up from his tablet. “Eh, ela tsy nihaonana, Tommy,” he replied, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Fahasalamana?”
“Not bad,” I said, switching to English. “Long day.”
Standing, Tsiory reached for the scale and began to stack the fish inside of it, one by one. “Good haul,” he said, nodding approvingly. “Eighteen kilos!”
I nodded back, my jaw tight. I didn’t feel much like talking. My thoughts were quiet, and slow, and mostly still back in the water. But I needed to sell the fish, and Tsiory always insisted that he needed to practice his English, and it felt rude to just stand there silently. He was a kind man—his wife had brought me dinner more than once, and he had talked me out of a bit of trouble one day when the police showed up to ask why I wasn’t in school.
He was a friend. An ally. And the mood I was in—
Well. It wasn’t his fault, and I didn’t want to make it his problem.
“So!” he said, sliding the fish into a crate half-filled with crushed ice. “Ariary today, or credit?”
“Half and half,” I answered. Ariaries were the local currency—most of what I needed to buy I could get from Tsiory’s shop, with credit, but it still felt good to have some cash in reserve for emergencies. Over the past few weeks, I’d managed to save up almost six hundred dollars’ worth.
I could’ve stolen money, of course. From Tsiory, or from strangers, or from stores or banks if I didn’t want to hurt any specific people. But this way felt cleaner.
“And to take home of?”
I pointed to a handful of items behind the counter, fruits and baked goods and some packaged sweets that the nurse, Alima, was fond of. Tsiory grabbed them, stacking them expertly inside of a woven plastic bag.
“Today is big day for you, Tommy,” he said slyly, shooting me a sidelong grin as he tapped the numbers into his cash register.
“Oh?”
“News! You are to get your letter!”
I blinked, the words yanking me out of my thoughts and into the present moment. “There’s a letter for me?” I asked.
“Yes. You have been waiting, yes? Of four weeks!”
I could feel my heart beating faster. “Yes,” I said. “Four weeks. Can I have it, please?”
With a flourish, Tsiory reached beneath the counter and pulled out a large, manila envelope. “For you, a letter,” he said. “Full of letters! An English joke with love from Malagasy!”
Reaching out, I took it, along with the bag of groceries. “Thanks.”
I looked down at it. Departamento de Cooperacão Interplanetária, read the return address. Loteria de Admissão. To Tommy Rakoto, care of Tsiori Rakotomalala, Rue Marius Barriouand, Mahajanga, Madagascar.
“You are to open it now?” Tsiory asked.
I hesitated. I was out in the open, exposed. Anybody could walk by at any second. But then again—
I looked back up at Tsiory. The old man was still grinning, good-natured curiosity in every line of his face.
Fuck it.
I was in Madagascar. If I wasn’t safe here, I wasn’t any safer back in the hospital.
I tore open the envelope, pulled out the paper inside, flipped to the English translation. Scanning the words, I felt my heartrate tick up again—
“The news,” Tsiory said. “It is of good?”
“Yeah,” I answered, tucking the letter into the bag. “It’s good.”
* * *
I stopped short in the doorway. “Oh,” I said, as the three of them turned to look at me. “Uh. Mm. Hi, Jake.”
* * *
“There’s no way he signs off on this,” Marco said as he settled down onto the overturned bucket.
I closed the door to the supply closet and slid down to the floor. “It’s not his call,” I said. “This is between me, Ax, and Temrash.”
“Don’t pull that lone ranger bullshit, Tobias. This affects all of us. If you get caught—as long as Rachel and Garrett are down, and Ax is in critical condition—”
“Ax won’t be in critical condition, if he agrees to go along with it,” I shot back. “And Rachel and Garrett are stable. They can be moved. They’re due to wake up any day now anyway. And you know we’ve been here too long.”
Marco’s eyes narrowed, and he stared at me for a long moment, looking like he was searching for something. “Listen, Tobias,” he began, his voice softer.
I cut him off. “Don’t try to smooth talk me, Marco. There’s only one question here. Is Temrash worth saving, or not?”
Marco grimaced. “That’s the goal, but—”
“You got any better ideas?”
“No, but—”
“Look,” I said. “Don’t take this the wrong way. Or do—whatever—I don’t care. But you and Jake—you’re not—”
I broke off, trying to find the right words and failing. “You’re still new at this,” I said bluntly. “You’re months behind. I mean—Jesus—you woke up five days ago. You don’t even remember anything past Ventura. You’re missing some pretty crucial experience.”
Marco’s face hardened. “Hey. You didn’t make it out of Visser Three’s trap any better than we did,” he said, his voice cold. “And I’ve done my homework.”
“It’s not the same—”
“It is when you live it.”
It took me a second to figure out what he meant. “You read Ax’s memories?”
Marco nodded.
“He let you acquire him?”
“I didn’t ask.”
I paused, weighing his words and the harshness behind them.
Has he read my memories?
Of course he had. Marco had always been the least—
Well. None of them were stupid, exactly. But the least naïve. The least…innocent. Even at the beginning, Marco had known how to make the tough calls.
“Fine,” I said. “Then you know that I’m right.”
He sighed.
“Right?” I pressed.
His face twisted, and he looked me straight in the eye. “If Temrash is worth saving,” he said. “Then sure. God knows we can’t go anywhere near the oatmeal. But Tobias—”
He lowered his voice, but the words were no less firm. “It’s a Yeerk,” he said. “One Yeerk. Is it really worth the risk?”
“The last shard of Aftran,” I reminded him. “We don’t know what happened with Essak. For all we know, they never made it. This isn’t just a rescue mission—there’s a chance Temrash can get us a meeting with Telor, and we need that now more than ever. If Telor sees that we tried to save him, that we were willing to take on serious risk to do it—”
I broke off again. The sort of person who does the right thing, even if it’s hard.
“Besides,” I said firmly. “He saved Ax.”
“Which sort of gets cancelled out if you go off and get killed trying to return the favor,” Marco pointed out.
“So what?” I said, rising to my feet. “You’ll just bring me back again.”
* * *
“How did you manage to secure acceptance to the program?” Ax asked.
He was in human morph, his skin a dark, chestnut color that fit right in with the locals as we wandered through the park outside the hospital.
“I just applied,” I said. “There’s an option for people from poor countries that don’t keep good birth records. An IQ test, short essay. It was only like four pages.”
I had worn the body of a local boy as I filled it out, borrowing his language and his penmanship.
“There must have been many thousands of applicants. Millions, even.”
He was speaking more stiffly, again—formal-sounding, the way he’d talked before Temrash, before he’d picked up the ghost of Tom’s inflection and mannerisms. I wasn’t sure what that was about—whether it meant that the Tom part of his mishmash personality was fading, or whether it had something to do with the pain that he was in, or what.
“Over two million by now, says Google,” I answered. “I applied pretty early, though.”
“How many people are they accepting?”
“Fifty thousand internationals. A hundred thousand Brazilians. In the first wave, anyway.”
Ax frowned. “That makes your success somewhat…surprising.”
“There’s no way they could tell it was me from the application, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said. “And you do get extra points if the country you’re applying from doesn’t have many people signing up. Plus—”
I shrugged. “Given everything else that’s happened, I kind of figured a one-in-forty chance was more or less a guarantee.”
Ax stopped walking, a wary expression shadowing his face. For a brief moment, I wondered if it was natural, shaped by the morph body’s instincts, or if he was doing it on purpose, for my benefit.
“You think the Ellimist intervened?” he asked quietly.
“I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to apply,” I said. I turned and started walking again, and after a moment, Ax followed.
“So your plan is to deliver Temrash to the Telor coalescion in Brazil,” he said.
I nodded.
“We—that is, Aximili—I will not survive long, without Temrash.”
I pulled my right hand out of my pocket, held it up between the two of us. “Not if you reset,” I said.
Ax was quiet for a long moment. I looked away, giving him space for whatever it was he was doing inside his head—arguing with Temrash, or working through the quasi-religious implications, whatever it was that was going on with the whole Andalite Path thing.
Or maybe he’s worried about the coma. Whether we can get him through it, now that we don’t have the Chee.
We hadn’t told Jake or Marco—though I guess Marco knew by now, if he’d been spying on our memories—but there had actually been six cancer patients in the ward to start with, not just four. Jake and Marco’s first copies hadn’t made it, had died without ever regaining consciousness.
And Garrett and Rachel still hadn’t woken up…
“Why are you so eager to do this, Tobias?” Ax asked, shaking me out of my thoughts.
“What?”
“You must have sent in that application at least four weeks ago. And you spoke with Marco privately, first, and now you’re talking to us privately, before you bring the idea before Prince Jake.”
“Yeah,” I said, fighting back a rising sense of impatience. “Because we’re running out of time. I have a plan. I don’t want to have to deal with all the stupid bullshit that comes up when people try to decide things by committee.”
“Tobias. What you have—it isn’t exactly a plan.”
The impatience bubbled over, became anger. “Look,” I snapped. “Don’t give me that shit about contingencies and exit strategies—”
“That’s not the only—”
“Fuck you,” I snarled, turning to stand in front of him, blocking his way. “Fuck you, Temrash, and fuck you, too, Ax. I’m trying to save you—both of you. You want to just—just fucking roll over and die?”
“No.”
“Then what? What, exactly? What are you—”
I bit off my next sentence, sucked in a breath, brought both hands up to pull at my hair. The rage had come in a flash, like it had been hiding just beneath the surface, waiting for the right trigger. But I didn’t care. I wanted to hit something—to hit Ax.
Did he not see? Could he not understand? Without me—if I hadn’t thought to send in the application a month ago—
Then instead of half a plan, we’d have NOTHING.
It was like they didn’t give a shit whether Temrash lived or died. It was the distress signal from Ax’s escape pod all over again—why was I the only one who was ever willing to get off his ass and do something about it?
I let out the breath I had been holding, dropped my hands back down to my sides. Ax was frowning again, a distant sort of look on his face as he stared at me—as if he was seeing right through me, like I wasn’t really there.
“Among the Andalites,” he said softly, “there are certain tasks which carry with them a great risk of death or injury. Even more so than military duty. Some of those tasks you would not recognize, but others—”
He paused. “Firemen controlling a wildfire. Engineers sent in to repair a radioactive leak. Doctors who tend to the contagious, or to the insane or violent. Rescuers. Explorers. Test pilots. Brave people, you understand?”
I nodded tightly, suppressing a second wave of impatience. I was already willing to take on the risk; there wasn’t any point in lecturing me about heroism or sacrifice—
“Sometimes, though, the people who volunteer for these tasks are not brave. They are not motivated by duty, or love. They are—we don’t have the right word. Not disgraced. Not lonely. They are…”
He trailed off, and I frowned, a fraction of my impatience cooling into confusion and curiosity. “Depressed?” I asked. “Suicidal?”
He shook his head. “No. Not—not finished. The opposite. They are—askew. Driven. Needing-to-find.”
“Find what?”
“It varies. What does not vary is the—the pressure. The need. For things to be different. For something to break—or to break against.”
He focused his eyes on me again—morphed eyes, borrowed from some random human, and yet I could see the alien behind them, weighing everything, the same solemn, searching presence I’d felt when I locked eyes with Elfangor.
“Are you askew, Tobias?” he asked quietly.
“No,” I insisted. And then, in my own head: Right? I mean—
“Why are you so eager to die?”
“I’m not eager, I just—”
“You are not deterred. You throw yourself in the path of danger.”
“It’s not dang—I mean, if it works there’s no reason to think—”
I broke off, my anger beginning to rekindle as Ax shook his head sadly.
Fuck you, you don’t know what’s going to happen any more than I do—
“Look,” I hissed. “Even if it does all go to hell, I can come back. You can come back. Temrash is the only one whose actual life is at stake, here. Doesn’t anybody else care about that? Don’t you?”
“We care,” Ax said. “We could not help but care. But somehow you care more, Tobias.” He tilted his head. “Why?”
I laughed, and it tasted like metal and ashes in my mouth. “You’re asking me?” I said, incredulous. “I have no fucking idea, Ax. Temrash. Whoever the fuck it is that I’m talking to right now. I have no idea why you give so little shit—”
“If the plan to save Temrash’s life required Aximili to die, this would not be an improvement—”
“I’m not going to fucking die!” I shouted, drawing startled looks from some of the nearby people in the park. “Why do you all keep harping on that?”
“Because insisting that this plan is safe does not make it so,” Ax said. “Because you don’t respond when we say it. You don’t hesitate. You don’t care.”
I felt my hands clench into fists. “What part of you can just bring me back do you not fucking get?” I demanded.
“The part where you will die, Tobias. You. The living, breathing, thinking being that is standing here with us now, you will stop. End. Vanish. You will have a—a—a living will, another being who will carry out your wishes, your desires, but you will not be here to see it.”
I opened my mouth to object, felt the words catch in my throat, blocked by a sudden and dizzying sense of déjà vu. It felt like I had had this conversation before, only backwards, mirrored—like I was hearing my own thoughts coming out of Ax’s mouth, and saying words that didn’t belong to me.
Had I talked about this with—
With—
With who? Garrett?
“You are holding up these words as a shield, to stop yourself from seeing what you do not want to see, what you do not want to actually consider—”
“Shut up,” I said, squeezing my eyes closed. It was like trying to hold onto a dream, the thoughts just kept slipping away—
“—and throwing yourself into the fray is not an answer—”
“Ax. Please. Shut up. Shut up and let me think.”
Ax stopped talking. I pressed both of my hands against the sides of my skull, my eyes still closed. For some reason, I felt like I was back in the water, with the dolphins. There was the same terrifying, unsteady sense of potential, like trying to keep my balance on shifting sand.
Why had I gotten so angry, so quickly?
It wasn’t the question Ax had asked. But it was the right question, so I ran with it.
I got angry when—when he tried to talk me out of it, that’s when. When he tried to say it wasn’t a plan, or I was going to die, or I was doing this for the wrong reasons, or it wasn’t going to work—
Was it going to work?
Doesn’t matter. Have to try something. Can’t just sit here.
I stopped, opened my eyes, tilted my head back until the sky filled my vision. Can’t?
The sort of person who does the right—
I shook my head, dispelling the thought. Not like that, I told myself. Not—not forced, not because I had to. Because I wanted to. Because it was my choice.
Why?
It was the same voice that had spoken up in the water—the deep skeptic, the part of me that refused to be satisfied with lies and shoulds, roles and platitudes. I wasn’t sure where that voice had come from. It hadn’t been there before.
Why do you choose this? the voice wanted to know. Because Ax—
Ax was right. About the risk.
I took a slow, steadying breath, felt rather than thought the true answer.
Because Garrett would have.
If it had been Garrett here, instead of me—if he’d morphed into himself, instead of trying to save me—
But he couldn’t have, could he? Not and live with himself. Not when he was the only one with your DNA.
The right thing, even if it’s hard—
Something in me flinched. Balked. There was something there I didn’t want to look at, something bleak and deadly at the end of this train of thought—
You left him no choice, Tobias. No choice at all. And all because he wanted to live up to it, live up to you, your standard, your stupid little mantra—
“Stop,” I said again. But it was a whisper this time.
Was it all just—empty? Me trying to live up to Garrett, and Garrett trying to live up to me, each of us following the other one around in circles, and all of it based on absolutely nothing, just smoke and mirrors—
The sort of person who does the right thing, even if it’s hard.
Lines on the pavement. An imaginary boundary, with nothing to stop the cars from crossing them—
Garrett is d—
“Tobias,” Ax said, interrupting.
I almost screamed—barely stopped myself from screaming, felt my jaw lock shut and my face go rigid as I turned to glare at him.
“We will try your plan,” he said.
I swallowed my broken thoughts, relaxed my muscles with a deliberate effort. “Even though it means—”
I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Yes,” Ax said flatly. “Because Aximili is doomed regardless, without Temrash, and Temrash is doomed unless we try. This body has little chance either way—the only choice is whether or not to leave behind a revenant, and we still have preferences about the order of the universe even if we are no longer there to witness it. But you, Tobias—”
He broke off, and I saw the tenderness in his face as if it was behind glass, the look on the face of someone watching a wounded zoo animal. “You are not facing an inevitable death,” he said. “And so, we would like to know why.”
I swallowed again, still feeling the fragments of a dozen different thoughts rattling around in my skull, sticking in my throat.
Because it’s the right—
No.
No more.
Not until—
“Like I said before,” I answered, my voice stretched tight enough to break. “Temrash deserves saving.”
* * *
“Jake—”
“Marco says you’ve got an idea to pitch to me.”
“Yeah. It’s about Temrash, I think I’ve—”
“Actually. Uh. Before that.”
“Yeah?”
“I just wanted to say—uh. Sorry. This is awkward. I mean, for you it’s been, what, like two or three months? But for me, it was basically yesterday. Sorry if this is, like, too late, or something.”
“Jake, what—”
“I want to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For sending Garrett into the pool. You—you were right to hit me. I deserved it. I shouldn’t have—ah, geez.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“I didn’t mean to make you—”
“I said it’s fine. Shut up. Say your piece.”
“Well. I mean, that was pretty much it. Just that—you were right, and I’m sorry. If it had—if he’d—”
“Died.”
“Right. It would have been my—I should’ve told him no. Should have kept him safe. I screwed up. I’m sorry. And I wanted you to know, it won’t ever hap—”
“Stop.”
“What? I just—”
“I know, Jake. Just—just stop. Apology accepted, okay? Just—”
“—sorry—”
“—I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
* * *
I raised my finger to my temple, tapped five times on my skull—twice, twice, and once more.
<Message received,> said Temrash. <Ready.>
Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward to the agent behind the podium and handed her the letter. “Ny anarako dia Tommy Rakoto,” I said, the words carefully practiced, fluid and casual. “Madagascar. Tsy manana antontan-taratasy aho. No papers.”
“English?” asked the agent. “Ou Português?”
“English,” I said. “Small English.”
She squinted at the document, lifted it up, shone a small, green light on it, and then laid it back down on her podium and stamped it. “That way,” she said, pointing to the left. I followed, joining the back of a short line waiting to pass through what looked like metal detectors, but were probably something much more advanced.
I tapped my forehead twice.
<Roger,> said Temrash.
There was no denying it—I was tense. Nervous. Afraid, even. But it was the kind of fear that you felt walking alone on a dark street at night—the kind it did no good to show, to indulge. I kept a firm grip on it, letting through only as much tension as I could see on the faces of the other people around me.
There were only maybe fifty of them, which surprised me. Fifty thousand volunteers, spread across a month of scheduled arrivals—that meant they were processing groups this size thirty or forty times a day.
I could feel my heart rate rising as I came closer and closer to the detector, forced myself to take a couple of long, slow breaths.
Either it works, or it doesn’t. Nothing you can do about it now.
We knew some things about the security around the new pool. There was an absorption field—a dome, just like the one they’d had over the YMCA in Ventura. There were cloaked Bug fighters and Brazilian helicopters. There were metal detectors and milliwave scanners, like in an airport, plus Gleet bio-filters and trained sniffer dogs. For first-time volunteers, there was also an X-ray, an MRI, a three-hour quarantine, and a thorough health scan using some kind of alien equipment. And there might be any number of things that the Yeerks were keeping secret, things that hadn’t trickled out or been noticed by the media.
What there wasn’t was chemical showers, or shaved heads, or radiation chambers. No one was gassed, no one was held in quarantine for longer than a day.
“Between the bio-filters and the three-hour wait, they’re counting on being able to keep out morphers,” I’d explained. “But the time limit is based off mass, right? So if Temrash can take on the morphing power, he should be able to stay in morph for hours and hours. Days, even.”
We’d tried morphing into Yeerks. But we hadn’t ever checked to see if a Yeerk could morph into something else.
At first, I thought to have Temrash go in disguise as me. Get to the end of the pier and just dive in. But we didn’t know whether there were guards to prevent that—in case some nutjob tried to attack the coalescion with his bare hands—and there were also the scanners and the dogs to worry about.
“Don’t forget,” Marco had said. “That’s what triggered the whole fiasco with Paul Evans. If they detect what looks like a Yeerk inside somebody who’s supposed to be a first-time volunteer…”
But there was more than one way to sneak a morph-capable Yeerk into the compound.
“No,” Ax had said. “The Gleet bio-filters are not meant to detect microscopic life forms. They are for gross fauna—animals, insects. Not viruses, not bacteria. Their resolution is around half a millimeter.”
And demodex brevis mites—harmless, almost-invisible bugs that lived down in hair follicles and ate dead skin cells—they maxed out at two tenths of a millimeter. The size of the dot on an i on a computer screen. And practically every human being had them—thousands of them.
“It is possible that the Yeerks don’t even know to defend against morphs that small,” Ax had said. “The morphing technology is still extremely new, and between the mites and the tardigrade, you humans may very well have morphed smaller creatures than any Andalite, including the Visser himself.”
Visser Three tended to go big, not small. Giants, monsters, the most powerful and frightening species from all across the galaxy. Like the creature he’d turned into when he killed Elfangor.
I would go in to the pool complex myself, in my own body. Once through security, I would transform into my morph armor, taking care not to morph Temrash away—
—we’d tested it; it was tricky but possible—
—and then, once out on the pier, I would signal to Temrash, who would begin to demorph. When my head went under the water, he would drop off and join the coalescion. Meanwhile, I would maintain control of the Yeerk in my own head by threatening to demorph it away if it attempted to raise the alarm, the same way Rachel had controlled Illim in the attack on the first pool.
And then I would wait. Inside the facility, or nearby if it was suspicious to hang around. At some point, Telor would send for me, and I would drop off my temporary parasite, pick up Temrash, and leave—hopefully with a new ally, some new intel, and a new plan for keeping Temrash fed and healthy.
“As long as we’re wishing, I’d love an ATV and an Oculus,” Marco had grumbled.
We all knew it wasn’t a great plan. And even if it worked, getting through Marco’s safety protocol for getting back in touch with the group would take days.
But it was a solid half of a plan, and the first half was the only part that actually mattered. Once Temrash was safe, once he’d made contact with Telor, the two most important goals would have been accomplished, and if things went sideways after that—
Well. At least this time, I knew exactly what I was dying for.
The tech at the detector waved his hand, and the woman in front of me stepped forward. She stood inside the arc of metal for a moment. There was a hum, then a beep, and the tech waved her forward again.
My turn.
I stepped up, unable to keep myself from holding my breath.
HMMMMMMMMMM.
Beep.
The tech waved his arm, and I stepped out of the machine, feeling a tiny bit of tension leave my shoulders.
This was only the beginning.
* * *
“Agradecemos a sua participação. Thank you for your participation. Antes de prosseguirmos à Secretaria de Cooperação Interplanetária, estaremos realizando algumas verificações de segurança. There are only a few more security checks before we grant entrance to the Department of Interplanetary Cooperation. Novamente, agradecemos a sua cooperação. Please be patient.”
I glanced around with the others as the door clicked shut behind us. The room was a brightly lit cube, maybe fifty or sixty feet on each side, with walls and floor and ceiling made of large, square panels of shiny red metal. There was no obvious exit—now that it had shut, it was impossible to tell the door apart from any of the other panels.
“Pedimos aos participantes que sentem-se no chão, confortavelmente, com ao menos um metro de distância uns dos outros. For this test, we ask that you please find a comfortable place to sit on the floor, at least one meter away from each other person.”
We spread out, each person choosing a square as the four Hork-Bajir guards who’d followed us took up stations at the center of each wall.
“Este procedimento pode, ocasionalmente, causar uma sensação de tontura ou vertigem. This test occasionally causes a sensation of dizziness or vertigo. Caso você sinta um desconforto significativo, por favor, diga a um funcionário ‘me ajude.’ If you experience significant distress, please alert a staff member by saying ‘help me.’”
I settled down onto the floor with one leg crossed underneath me and the other drawn in close, foot flat. It was a position that would let me get to my feet in about half a second, if I needed to. I would have tried crouching, but one of the guards was already moving toward a person who was squatting on their heels, gesturing for them to get closer to the floor.
“Por favor, não se mova. Please remain as still as you can. Este procedimento pode levar até quatro minutos. This test may take up to four minutes. Você não será exposto a nenhum raio X, radiação ou campos magnéticos. You will not be exposed to any X-rays, radiation, or magnetic fields. Podem haver alguns flashes de luz que algumas pessoas acham desorientador. There may be some flashes of light which some people find disorienting. Novamente, caso você sinta um desconforto significativo, por favor, diga a um funcionário ‘me ajude.’ Again, if you experience significant distress, please alert a staff member by saying ‘help me.’”
I raised my hand to my head, surreptitiously tapped my forehead twice again.
<Understood,> Temrash replied.
There was a moment of rustling silence, the sounds of people breathing and sniffing and shifting slightly on the floor. Then there was a low, deep vibration, too deep to really be called a sound, followed by a burst of light like a camera flash.
Silence, another vibration, another flash.
Another vibration. Two flashes. A pause, then a third flash, then a longer vibration.
<Tobias!>
The voice was panicked, frightened. I held my body still against the sudden shock, suppressed the animal instinct to bolt as the room hummed and flashed again.
<Tobias, I’m—I’m demorphing! Not on purpose—involuntarily! I can’t stop it!>
Adrenaline flooded my veins. Had they—did they have an anti morphing ray?
<There’s nothing I can do!>
Keeping my expression controlled, I tried to turn my head casually, taking in the faces of the three guards I could see from my position. They were unmoving—alert, but not focused on anything.
Maybe they don’t know, maybe there isn’t any way for them to tell if it’s working—
<I’m going to be visible in about twenty seconds!>
I could feel it, now—a tiny weight on my scalp, just above my left ear, like a ladybug crawling through my hair, growing steadily larger.
If they saw Temrash—
They would—
What?
I had no idea.
<Tobias, what—>
I could feel my thoughts running in opposite directions, one of them scanning through my options—put him in your pocket, take off your shoe, hide him under your shirt—while the other began playing back every doubt, every objection, a million questions I hadn’t even thought to ask—
Fuck, the floor, what if the floor panels are scales, my mass is changing—
I truncated the thought. Temrash was the size of a gumball and still growing, he needed protection, a liquid environment—
Jake was right, Marco was right, Ax was right, we weren’t ready, we’re not going to make it—
<Tobias!>
I reached up, casually, and scratched the top of my head, my hand covering Temrash’s emerging form. Slowly, gently, I closed my fingers around him, feeling a nauseating mix of wet Yeerk-flesh and hard insect carapace—
<What—>
Shifting, I leaned to one side, resting my head on my cupped hand, willing him to figure it out as the rest of my mind looked frantically for a weapon, an exit, an ally—anything.
You don’t have anything, you came here empty-handed, you walked right in—
<Are you—oh. Okay. I understand.>
It took every scrap of willpower I had not to shudder, not to wince, not to throw up as I felt the half-alien horror poking and scraping at my ear, felt it extend a proboscis and begin to slither inside my head. I felt motion where there should be no motion, a sharp, piercing pain inside my skull, and I gritted my teeth—
<Halfway.>
—a cold, cutting sensation as a shrinking shard of exoskeleton dragged across my flesh, leaving a deep cut inside my ear canal—
<Almost there. I’ll stop the bleeding once I’m inside.>
—and then I felt it.
Him.
Temrash.
It was like a stain, spreading out across my—my thoughts, my sensations—across everything. Like a cloud passing over the sun on a hot summer day. I felt my body beginning to tingle, saw double for a moment as my eyes unfocused and then refocused all on their own. There was a dizzy, sick sort of confusion in my thoughts as Temrash dragged his fingers over the pages of my mind, and then my hand was falling away from my ear, my body straightening in response to someone else’s will.
Wait—
I hadn’t meant for him to—
No, no, no, no, no—
There was a drop of blood in the center of my palm, and I felt a wild, nauseated panic as my hand moved to wipe it on my shirt, as it reached up again to swipe a finger around the inside of my ear, all without any input from me.
I couldn’t help it. It didn’t matter that Temrash was my ally. For a moment, it didn’t even matter to me that we were in the middle of a locked room, surrounded by guards. All that mattered was the sudden violation of my body—my kingdom, my whole world—being taken away from me. It was almost a reflex, like a drowning man pushing someone else under the waves. I reached—stretched—pushed—tried with all my might to regain control of my hand—
It was like there was a brick wall in the way. I couldn’t even tell if it had come close to working. I was crippled, paralyzed, unable to do so much as take a breath.
<Not now,> came a voice—his voice, not my own verbal loop echoing someone else’s words, the way thought-speak always was, but a different voice entirely.
Inside my head.
<What are you doing?> I demanded. <You can’t—I didn’t—let me go!>
<This will go better if I am in control,> Temrash replied, the words cold and aloof.
<What? You—>
<You are compromised. Suicidal. I would never have agreed to this if I had fully understood your mental state. I have no intention of letting you throw both of our lives away.>
A part of me flinched. Suicidal?
Another part of me stepped up, traced the outline of an entire argument, saw that it would go nowhere and switched directions mid-thought. <I just saved your life, you—you—>
<Fucking slug? Ah, but you see, you don’t need to say it. I can hear it either way.>
I could feel my panic rising beyond anything I’d ever felt before. If I hadn’t been cut off from my heart, my lungs, I would probably have been in the middle of a heart attack. <Let me—>
<Hush, now.>
There was a sudden burst of anti-sensation—a flash of darkness, a rush of numbness, a concussive silence every bit as quiet as an explosion was loud. For a split second, I was reduced to almost nothing, a tiny mote of consciousness surrounded by a vast, impenetrable void.
It was stunning, in the completely literal sense of the word—in that one brief moment, all of my thoughts dropped straight out of my head and I reeled, disoriented, as if I’d been punched.
I don’t know how long it took me to recover. When I came online again, the test was over, Temrash puppetmastering my body to its feet as the door opened and words came over the intercom. I felt another wave of nauseated horror as I watched—felt—my limbs moving without my permission, and I—
I faltered.
I had meant to fight back again. To rouse myself. To struggle. But at the last second—
Temrash’s assault on my senses—whatever it was he had done—it had bypassed my conscious brain entirely, had shaken me all the way to my core, the place where I was more animal than human. Without being able to put it into words, I knew—I could feel—that some deep and crucial part of me had been dominated, cowed—had seen the shadow of death in Temrash’s power, and was now holding back. Hesitating. Cringing. Resisting any attempt by the rest of me to do anything that might displease my—
I stopped myself from thinking the word master, but Temrash heard it anyway, and laughed.
I felt anger.
Confusion.
Shame.
Denial.
Defiance.
Defiance, but it was a hollow defiance—a pretense, shot through with caution, the caution of a toddler who’d burned his hand on the stove and now insisted that there was some other reason why he was avoiding the kitchen—
It had all happened so fast—was still happening so fast. It can’t be that easy! I shouted at myself. You’re stronger than that!
Temrash laughed again.
We were following the group, now, moving down a long, narrow corridor toward another open space. Temrash’s control was effortless, perfect, his movements smooth and casual in exactly the way I would have made them.
Why?
Why was he doing this?
I could feel the hidden purpose in the question—the retreat, some part of me backing away from the immediate horror of what was happening, looking for something else to latch onto, to distract myself.
But still.
What was he thinking? Once we got back to the others—
I went cold. Unless—
<Don’t be melodramatic,> Temrash said. <You’ll have your precious little body back soon enough.>
I realized, then—I had always known it, but suddenly it was real to me—that the psychic link between Yeerk and host was one-way. That Temrash could see everything, hear everything, but that Ax had never glimpsed the inside of Temrash’s mind, that his measure of Temrash’s character was based entirely on the Yeerk’s behavior—
Ax didn’t know. The whole time, he never knew that Temrash was—that he would—
There was a vague, sourceless feeling of derision, a sort of psychic sneer that wrapped around me like a mocking crowd.
I couldn’t see what was next. I didn’t know what to do. It was all happening too fast, I wasn’t ready, wasn’t in control, and meanwhile we were still in the middle of a Yeerk stronghold, and I had no resources, no weapons, no time to think, I needed to—
To what?
To WHAT, exactly?
All of the thoughts I had somehow failed to think over the past month—all of the things that Marco and Ax and Jake had said, the concerns I had dismissed, a thousand precautions I hadn’t bothered to take—they all flooded my mind, while above and underneath and inside of all of it I felt myself continuing to unravel.
It was true—I was suicidal. Must have been, to come in here with so little reason to hope, to fight for the chance to come in here and die—
<Honestly. You’re worse than Tom.>
My rage unfolded again, white-hot and impotent at how easily, how carelessly my privacy had been violated—
Temrash did—something—and I felt a sudden rush of arousal, coupled with the mental image of a dolphin—
<Fuck you!> I shouted.
<But I’m not a dolphin.>
And as I spluttered, silent and helpless, the rest of the world caught up to us.
“Obrigado pela sua participação,” came the voice over the intercom. “Thank you for your participation.”
We had entered another chamber, a larger one this time, ringed with clear glass doors leading to small, brightly-lit cubicles.
“Existem dois pontos de verificação de segurança restantes. There are two security checkpoints remaining. Em seguida é uma varredura de saúde do corpo inteiro. Por favor, escolha um cubículo e sente-se no assento dentro dele. Next is a full body health scan. Please choose a cubicle and sit down on the seat inside of it…”
I felt a strange sort of detachment, an awareness that my heart should have started beating faster, even though it hadn’t. If they did a full-body scan, they might notice that I was already infested, and then—
<Relax,> said Temrash.
And before I could do anything about it—before I could even try to resist—
“Help me,” Temrash said, with my voice.
One of the guards looked up, stepped over. Temrash sent my gaze flickering across the other guards, saw that they had stiffened slightly, their hands drifting toward pockets that almost certainly held weapons.
“English?” asked the first guard.
“Gharabak tul,” said Temrash, pitching my voice low, so that it would not carry. “Mik Aftran.”
And then everything seemed to happen at once.
The guard’s eyes widened, and he leapt backward, pointing at me and shouting something that sounded like “Ghafrash!” as he reached toward his pocket with his other hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the other guards drawing weapons.
Temrash threw my body aside, a convulsive jerk that would’ve pulled a muscle if I’d tried it myself.
And then—
They froze.
I froze, halfway to the ground.
We were all of us as still as statues, not even our clothes rippling.
What—
There was a hum, and then the weapons flew forward out of their hands—flew together into the center of the room and exploded—a tiny, contained blast, the ball of white expanding to the size of a basketball and then stopping abruptly, as if contained—
Force field.
“I am sorry,” spoke a voice—a voice that seemed to echo from everywhere at once, emerging from the empty air. “I had hoped not to interfere with your operation, but I cannot permit open violence.”
Chee!
“Where are—” Temrash began.
“No time. The Yeerks have countermeasures. You must escape.”
There was a boom, and for a moment I saw the outline of the robot as its hologram flickered, all of its power consumed by an immense expenditure of effort. Sudden sunlight angled into the room from a tunnel in what had been one of the walls—a tunnel that was at least sixty or seventy feet long, whose walls were the shattered floor and ceiling panels of what had been several other rooms between this one and the outside.
I felt a small weight drop into my palm, and my eyes dropped to see—
Nothing?
My hand curled around the nothingness, and felt something small, cool, angular, and hard.
“Go,” came the voice, just as another flash filled the room—
The Chee was visible again, toppling like a falling tree, dead or at least disabled. Around it, the four guards were held fast by wrench-wrought scraps of metal dragged up from the floor. There was a muffled whumpf, and suddenly black smoke was pouring out of the robot’s chrome-and-ivory frame, and then a split second later all the lights went out.
Temrash went. We ran straight for the hole, confused and frightened voices rising behind us.
<That’s in!> I shouted. <That’s the pool complex!>
<No shit.>
I scrambled—gasped—kicked at my brain, trying to get my thoughts into gear. That had been—there had been a Chee—
Following us? Or stationed inside the whole time?
It had been shut down somehow, and before that it had saved us, bought us an escape—
Those guards.
The guards had drawn on us immediately, had responded to whatever Yeerkish thing Temrash had said with swift, unquestioning violence—
We burst out into the sunlight before I could finish the thought—into the sunlight, and into—
<What—>
The part of my brain that didn’t think in words, that was always tracking things in the background and didn’t really use up any RAM—that part had sort of low-key expected us to run out into a ring of waiting security guards, or maybe a crowd of curious civilians peering into the hole.
Instead, we had emerged into a war zone.
<—the—>
I couldn’t see anything clearly, with Temrash controlling my eyes, Temrash turning my head, searching for cover as we ran. But I caught glimpses.
The flash of Dracon fire, and the ch-ch-ch of military assault rifles in answer.
A black smear of smoke and oil on the surface of the dome-shaped force field, trailing behind the flaming wreck of a helicopter as it tumbled downward.
Two ragged, circular holes in the concrete of the plaza outside the building, as big around as oak trees, as if something had burst out of the ground, with men in beige camouflage climbing out of them.
A third hole opening up as a monster chewed its way up from underground, a giant yellow tube the size of a small car, all wriggling legs and bulging flesh.
A flash of orange and black that I thought might have been a tiger, and another blur cutting through the air, some kind of hawk or falcon.
People running.
Smoke.
Bodies.
<—fuck!>
<Resistance fighters,> Temrash said, as he threw us behind what looked like a dumpster off to one side of the firefight. <Your people—your auxiliary Animorphs. They must have dug up from below.>
<What was—>
But before I could finish the question, the information was already flooding into my mind, Temrash cracking open the gates to let the knowledge leak through. I heard the name Taxxon, saw what looked like a giant centipede, ten feet long and thicker than a man, with hundreds of sharp, metallic-looking legs and an open, slavering, circular maw above four red-jelly eyes. I knew, without any explanation, that their hunger was legendary across the galaxy—that they would turn on each other like sharks in a feeding frenzy, and that they would eat straight through dirt, through concrete, through steel, driven only by the insatiable desire for more. In the back of my mind, I remembered the nightmare I’d witnessed in Jake and Marco’s memories, a dark tunnel full of slavering monsters—
<But—they—those are aliens. How could—and the tiger—>
Temrash shrugged irritably, still dragging my gaze around in a jerky motion, filling me with a sort of disembodied nausea. There was a shout, and the sound of an explosion, and the dumpster we were hiding behind shook as dust and pebbles filled the air around us. I felt the tingle of transformation sweep over me, saw that Temrash was putting on morph armor, felt again the desperate, overwhelming need to regain control—
<What for? Anything you can do, I can do better.>
As if to prove the point, Temrash leaned out from behind cover, swept my eyes around the immediate vicinity, and broke into a sprint. There was the plink of a bullet hitting the ground beside us, and he juked like a running back, changing direction and darting around the corner of a squat, concrete building.
<Where are you—>
<Out,> Temrash snapped.
<But—>
<But what?>
I could feel my thoughts starting to click into place, my sluggish brain finally shaking off the shock, catching up to the last minute or so of what had happened.
The Chee, the guards, the lottery, now this—
This was not a coincidence. It couldn’t be. For a battle to open up the very second that a Chee blasted his way through a building, so that hardly anyone would even notice—
<Sure. It’s all to give us a chance to get out of here.>
But that couldn’t be it. For one, it made no sense to bring us here just to have us leave again, and for another, Temrash was still dying of Kandrona starvation—
There was a hollow, echoing laugh. <I’m not, actually.>
<What?>
<I have no idea. But ever since I crawled in your ear, the hunger’s been retreating.>
For once, I managed to keep my mental footing, filed away the absolute shock for later and kept on thinking. Meanwhile, Temrash continued to work his way around the outside of the building, staying out of sight, trying every door we came across.
<Maybe we should just fly out,> he muttered.
I didn’t answer. The Chee, the guards, the lottery—
Something is supposed to happen. This whole mess is for something, like a scene in a movie. The Ellimist wants something. Think. What happens next?
The resistance fighters—
<They’re here to kill Telor,> said Temrash. <Obviously.>
And then—
<Shit,> said Temrash, reading the thought as it unfurled across my mind. <What makes you think—>
<Oh, come on,> I shot back. <You’re telling me Visser Three directed the building of this whole facility, put a half-dome shield over it, security ten layers thick, and he never even considered that somebody might try digging up from underneath? He wants this to happen.>
<Or Telor compromised the security, to let them in,> Temrash argued. <The way those guards fired on us—they weren’t Telor. They were the Visser’s agents. I think Telor is being held hostage in here.>
Plots within plots—
<Why not both?> I asked. <Telor compromises the security, but V3 wanted it to happen anyway, and that’s why it’s working.>
<Why?> Temrash asked, dropping us down behind a bench to hide as a group of uniformed guards ran past.
<He’s letting us take care of the problem for him,> I said.
I remembered all too well the scene in Washington, the way the Visser’s avatar had played to the crowd, weaving lies and truth together into a story that was just sympathetic enough to string everyone along, prevent any kind of mass resistance from cohering. And given that Telor had betrayed him—and that the rest of his fleet was just weeks away—and that he’d already started stripping the planet of military resources—
<All the reasons that made us think Telor might want to ally with us,> I said. <It’s too much of a liability at this point—>
<—and he wants footage of human terrorists destroying the peaceful, collaborative human-Yeerk venture,> Temrash finished. Leaning around another corner, he looked left and right before sprinting another twenty or thirty steps toward the edge of the facility, taking us further from the noise and chaos of the ongoing battle.
<Not just human terrorists,> I said, remembering the flash of orange. <Morphers specifically. He’s setting us up to be the bad guys.>
There might not even be any real resistance fighters out there. They might all be captured Controllers putting on a show.
Or not. Everything we’d just thought of might be completely wrong.
But there has to be some reason why I’m here—right? It can’t just be luck.
So what was I supposed to do?
No. That wasn’t the right question. That wasn’t the way the Ellimist operated. It was like a coach, not a puppetmaster. It had brought me here because I was the right factor to add to the equation. Me, making the sorts of decisions I usually made, not me trying to fit into some puzzle.
Which lent a little credence to the theory Temrash and I had come up with. If we’d been inclined to come up with the wrong theory, the Ellimist wouldn’t have maneuvered us here.
Right?
<You may be jumping the gun a little, there,> interjected Temrash, as we began to approach the outer wall of the facility. A distant corner of my mind noted that the lights were still out, that there were no lights visible anywhere, though it hardly mattered in the bright morning sun.
<What?> I asked.
<Some Yeerks are bred to sacrifice themselves. I am not one of them.>
I stalled, spluttered. <But Telor—the war—the Visser—>
<There’s an argument to be made that it’s more important to preserve my cooperative relationship with an Andalite than to rescue one random coalescion,> Temrash said, in a tone that was almost dry. <And let’s not forget who’s actually in charge, here.>
There was a snap of silence, a faint echo of the blow he’d dealt me earlier, followed by the inevitable flinch, and then rage and self-loathing in equal measure—
<So predictable,> Temrash laughed. <Almost mechanical.>
Motherfucker, I’ll show you predictable—
But on a deeper level, some part of me could see that he was right—that the brainsucking parasite wasn’t just needling me, but had in fact diagnosed a true feature of the human mind, or at least of my mind. It was like the thing with the dolphins all over again—it was easy to just react, to let the pressures around me bounce me back and forth, but what I actually wanted was to be larger than they were, to take them as factors in my decisionmaking instead of being subject to their control.
There’s a time to let go, and this isn’t it.
<Aw, that’s cute. It’s learning a new trick.>
It was like I’d been pulled outside of my body. I could feel the impulse to rage again, to respond to the Yeerk’s mocking praise with contrarian defiance, to reject the lesson I’d just explicitly thought through, to not-do something just because someone I didn’t like thought it was a good idea.
But this time the impulse was small, contained. It stayed well below the surface, producing no real pressure.
This must be what it feels like to be Marco.
The taste of chocolate chip cookies flooded my mouth.
<You know, either way, we don’t exactly have time to waste on you fucking with me,> I growled.
Temrash gave no answer, only directed my gaze upward, at the open sky above the wall ringing the facility. <There are bound to be security countermeasures,> he said, more than half to himself. <The field is outward-facing, but they could easily have other, weaker shields just outside of it, facing in.>
There was a muffled boom, the ground trembling, and I felt my urgency rising again. <Temrash, please,> I said. <We can’t just run. We have to do something.>
<No.>
And as I threw myself against him once again, felt my mental fingers scrabbling across the smooth, impenetrable surface of his control, a single possibility occurred to me—
I didn’t think. Didn’t consider, didn’t give Temrash time to react, to block. Abandoning my attack, I threw all of my effort sideways, at the tiny little mental switch that was always there, in every morph—
Click.
<What the—>
Suddenly, there was a third presence inside my skull—the other Tobias, the dormant mind of the morph armor.
<Yeerk!> I shouted, and as Temrash lunged for the switch and I resisted, I felt the other Tobias heave, dislodging the Yeerk’s control.
It was only for a split second, and then Temrash fell back, wrestling the mental steering wheel away again, but that left me free to put forth pressure again—
My body crumpled, collapsed, began twitching and convulsing as three different minds sent conflicting signals to my limbs.
Temrash tried to focus his attention, to send the demorph signal, and I countered as hard as I could, filling the mental space with static. While Temrash was distracted, the other Tobias pushed back again, and I felt my body start to climb to its feet—
<You can’t hold back both of us,> I said, forcing the words out one by one.
Temrash didn’t answer, instead slicing through the other Tobias’s control and dropping us painfully back to our knees.
<Listen,> I said. <You can still leave. Crawl out of my head and morph, you can get out of here alone and let me keep going.>
A wordless pulse of suspicion, incredulousness—
<Look at my thoughts! I won’t hurt you. I’ll let you acquire me. We can go our separate ways, meet back up at the rendezvous. Just—>
I tightened my resolve, sweat beading on my skin as I concentrated harder than I ever had before. <I don’t know how much time we have,> I pleaded. <They could break through to Telor any minute—>
<Fine.>
I felt as if I’d missed a step, my mental effort spilling wildly forward as Temrash’s resistance suddenly vanished. The tingle of transformation began to pass over me as Temrash moved to demorph and I didn’t resist.
<What the hell was—>
<Too complicated to explain,> I said, cutting off the other Tobias. <We’ve got, like, maybe minutes.>
As the change passed over my body, healing my scraped knees, I tried once again to straighten out my scattered, confused thoughts. It had been—Jesus, it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes since I’d been calmly following the group through the facility—
Where did that Chee come from? Was it following me?
Since when do the Yeerks have an anti-morphing ray, and why aren’t they using it everywhere?
Why was Visser Three keeping Telor captive instead of just killing it?
What the hell did Temrash mean, the hunger was ‘retreating’?
Why the fuck didn’t I listen to Ax and Marco?
I felt a sudden weight in my palm, and glanced down to see—
Nothing?
I curled my fingers into a fist, felt them press against something small and hard and angular.
Oh, right.
The Chee had handed me something, just before it had been deactivated—something with its own invisibility hologram, apparently. I traced the outline of the object with my fingers, trying to figure out what it might be—
No time.
<Goodbye, Tobias,> said Temrash’s voice in the back of my head.
Once again, I felt the intolerable pressure in my ear canal, the sick feeling of movement where there should be no movement. I could feel Temrash peeling back from my mind like a band-aid, slowly ceding territory as he contracted back into a thick, slimy tube and slid out of my skull.
Reaching up with my other hand, I caught him in my palm, pulled him away, swallowed hard against the urge to vomit.
There was a brief flutter of peace, a moment of calm and lethargy as the acquiring trance swept over me, and then it passed. The shape in my hand began to swell, the layer of blood and viscera thinning as the gray ooze began to turn pink, and I set it down gently on the ground.
“Good luck,” I whispered, glancing around to confirm that the Yeerk was well-hidden and that there was no one in sight.
And then I left.
It was odd, but the first thing I noticed was how clumsy my body felt—my steps heavy and uncoordinated, my heart thudding too fast and my breath coming too slow. It was like getting out of a new car and into an old clunker, or crossing the line from buzzed to drunk. It suddenly made sense—not just intellectually but on a visceral level—that Ax had only been able to pull through thanks to Temrash’s help.
What the fuck WAS that, though?
The swift and casual betrayal, the absolute disrespect for anything like my wants, my priorities, my personal sovereignty—and then the almost nonchalant reversal, as if it hadn’t even been a big deal, as if it wasn’t even afraid that I might carry a grudge—
Alien. The Yeerks were truly alien, for all that they could pass as human.
Approaching the corner of a building, I slowed, my breath burning in my throat. I could still hear gunfire, both human and Yeerk, along with the occasional scream and the crackle of burning buildings.
Okay. What ARE you doing?
The resistance fighters. If I could get through to them, convince them to call off the attack—
They may not actually be resistance fighters, remember.
Still. It was worth a shot. If I could get close enough to broadcast to them in thought-speak, without them knowing where the words were coming from—
In the back of my head, I felt a tickle of doubt, an echo of Ax’s suspicion, of Temrash’s accusation. Are you planning on getting out of this alive?
No. Of course not. I wanted to, but at this point, I was in so deep, buried under so many mistakes, so many bad decisions…
But there was still a chance that I could purchase something with my life. For the first time, I understood how Cassie must have felt, there in the pool, looking around at all the death and horror.
If I had to die, I at least wanted to accomplish something in the process.
I took another careful look around the corner. Still no one.
In the weeks of waiting, while Marco and the others convalesced, I had snuck into a couple of zoos to flesh out my arsenal. I didn’t have anything that could survive Dracon fire, but when it came to being swift and maneuverable—
The Brazilian free-tailed bat was about the size of a triple-A battery, less than half an ounce and not even two inches long. But in 2009, scientists had discovered that it could fly as fast as one hundred miles per hour, in short bursts, while still being able to dodge branches and catch flies. If anything could get through a war zone, it was that.
I focused my mind again, sending the tiny Chee object into Z-space along with the rest of my body. I felt the familiar sensation of falling as I shrank, the not-quite-itch of bristly brown fur bursting out of my skin, the blurring of vision as my eyes and brain switched from human to bat.
Get to the pool, get to Telor, try to save something. Anything.
A minute and a half later, the morph was complete. Propping myself up with my leathery wings, I leapt into the air and began to fly, staying low to the ground and close to cover.
It wasn’t hard to find my way to the pool. Starting at the courtyard where I’d first emerged was a wide path of destruction cutting straight across the complex, scorched buildings and shattered concrete and bodies lying left and right. There were eerily few people around.
Everyone’s inside, maybe?
Up ahead, the pool itself was a smaller stadium within the larger complex, still hundreds of feet across in its own right, the kind with a dome-shaped roof that splits open and a boxy, fortress-like entrance on one side. There was fighting going on around the doors, with what looked like resistance fighters holding the entrance and facility guards trying to break through.
The doors looked like they had been blasted and battered by fire from both directions, and the lobby beyond was a mess of shattered glass and twisted metal. There was plenty of room for me to zip past the fighting and slip inside—
As long as I didn’t get shot.
Here we go.
I dropped all the way to the floor, skimming the concrete with my chest a mere inch or two off the ground. At a hundred miles an hour, it took less than two seconds to weave my way through the smoke and past the shouts and sounds of gunfire. Banking, I flared my wings and rose as high as I could, rocketing up toward the ceiling in the cavernous entrance chamber.
There was no one inside except the handful of fighters facing outward, none of whom seemed to have noticed me. Turning again, I swooped down and into the central hallway, echolocating to get a sense of what was ahead of me in the darkness.
Up ahead, a set of double doors, blasted open as if by explosives. A dozen paces beyond that, another set, and then another, and then—
I climbed upward again, settling into a tiny crack in the ceiling just past the last set of open doors.
The pool complex was brightly lit, by the kind of portable spotlights they had on school picture day. It was full of people, but there was none of the frenetic chaos of the battle outside. Instead, there was a mass of what looked like civilians sitting in a crush off to one side, guarded by a handful of fighters, while a dozen others guarded the entrance and another dozen—
What?
They were standing around the edge of the pool, evenly spaced, each wearing what looked like a high-tech version of one of those backpack leaf blowers, with a long tube stuck down into the pool—
CRACK.
The world around me seemed to explode, a vast concussive impact knocking me insensible as the piece of plastic I’d been holding onto broke off and fell. I tried to spread my wings—felt them both unfurl only partway—tumbled downward and just barely managed to curve my way out over the water and under the long pier—
CH-CH-CH. CH-CH-CH.
More explosions, tiny spouts of water that were nevertheless many times larger than my own body, and I realized that I was being shot at.
Fluttering madly, I managed to rise up and into the corrugated metal of the pier, crawling into a dark space where the support pillar met the flat platform. <Stop!> I shouted. <Don’t shoot!>
<Unidentified intruder,> came a thought-speak voice, cold and clipped and professional. <Demorph immediately or we will deploy lethal force.>
What the fuck do you call BULLETS if not lethal goddamn force—
<Stop,> I repeated. <I’m not—I’m not with them,> I said.
They saw you fly in, they were watching the door, of course they were watching the door—
<I repeat, demorph now or we will open fire. You have ten seconds to comply.>
I still didn’t know if they were resistance fighters or Visser Three shock troops, if they were there to kill Telor or for some other reason entirely—
It looked like they were sucking Telor out of the water.
<Don’t shoot,> I said. <I’ll—I’m complying. Hang on.>
Okay. I had maybe twenty seconds before they figured out I was lying—
<Telor,> I said, keeping the thought-speak beam narrow and tight. <This is Tobias, Tobias of the Animorphs. Uh. I’m—>
I broke off, struggling for words.
Ten seconds.
<I’m here, inside the facility, I can see what they’re doing to you. Is it—are you—can you make some kind of splash? If you want me to try to stop them?>
I waited—
The surface of the water swelled, and broke, and then was still again.
<I’m coming out,> I said, sending my thoughts wide. <Don’t shoot.>
Flopping and fumbling, I emerged from under the pier and managed to loop around and collapse on top of it. Lights fixed on me from four different directions, and I began to demorph out of the bat’s broken body.
What are you going to do, what are you going to do, have to do SOMETHING, what—
<It’s me,> I said, trying to inject some confidence and authority into my tone. <Tobias.>
Either they really were resistance fighters, in which case that might buy me something, or I was already fucked and it didn’t matter.
<Uh huh,> came a skeptical-sounding voice. <What are you doing here, then?>
<We’ve been keeping an eye on the pool, obviously,> I lied. And with the other half of my brain—
<Telor. They’ve caught me. I’m going to do what I can, but I don’t know if—ah. Anyway. Also, Temrash of Aftran is alive. I came here to try to bring him to you, but we got caught up in the battle. I’ll try to—>
I felt the shift as the morph passed halfway and my ability to thought-speak disappeared. Propping myself up on slowly thickening arms, I looked down along the pier to see a pair of armed fighters with guns held level and steady, pointed right at my face.
<How do we know you’re not Controlled?> the voice asked in my brain.
“How do I know you’re not Controlled?” I shot back. “I hear they’ve captured a good few of you, and I’m the one with earplugs.”
The voice said something else in response, but I didn’t hear it. I was distracted by the sudden feel of something small and hard in my hand, the invisible object the Chee had given me emerging again from Z-space.
If all of this was orchestrated—if all the coincidences really are on purpose—
I squeezed the device, twisted it, turned it over in my hand, poked it from every angle.
Nothing.
So much for miracles.
<—your feet, slowly, and walk toward us.>
I turned, pushing myself up to a standing position, refocusing my attention on my morph armor and trying to send the object away again as quickly as I could.
<Hands out where we can see them.>
I spread my hands, palms up and fingers open, as I felt the tingle of transformation sweep up my arms and the weight of the invisible object disappeared.
“What are you doing with Telor?” I asked, as I walked slowly forward.
<Wouldn’t you and the Yeerk Empire like to know.>
“You know Telor isn’t your enemy, right?” I said, raising my voice so that it carried throughout the chamber. “Visser Three is your enemy. He’s the one that’s been pitting all of us against each other. Telor is a pawn, just like the people of Ventura were pawns.”
<Quiet. If you really are Tobias, I’m sorry, but you know how it is.>
The two armed men backed up, giving me room to step off the pier, and split wide, gesturing for me to walk in between them, where they could cover me from two directions. A third fighter came close, patted me down.
Now would be a great time to THINK OF SOMETHING—
They hustled me off to one side, sitting me down a few dozen yards away from the rest of the civilian prisoners. One guard stood a few paces behind me, a gun pointed at my back.
Time passed. The gurgle and whir of the backpack leaf blower things grew higher and higher, and one by one the people carrying them stepped away from the pool, separated a large container from the rest of the machine, and began to morph away with it.
I looked around, fighting back a wave of helpless despair. I didn’t understand what was happening, didn’t understand what was going to happen, couldn’t make sense of anything that had occurred over the past twenty minutes or so. I couldn’t tell if what was happening was good for the Visser, or for the human resistance, or for the Ellimist; I couldn’t tell whether I was going to die, or be captured, or somehow manage to make it out alive.
I thought—
What, that this whole thing was going to revolve around you? Like you’re some kind of main character, and nothing anybody else does matters?
I bit my lip. I had thought that, sort of, but not without reason. The lottery, the strange timing of everything—
Yeah, well. Here you are, stuck in the middle of someone else’s plan. And you’re going to die, and that means Garrett’s going to have died for nothing—
I squashed down the voice. There still had to be something I could do.
<Don’t react.>
I managed not to flinch, but barely.
<It’s me, Ryen—Ryen with an ‘e.’ I was part of the group you recruited in Columbus, down on the waterfront.>
I turned my head from side to side, looking for the source of the voice.
<Listen, can you answer?>
I hesitated, but not for long. <Yes,> I broadcast.
<Okay. Well. Uh. I don’t know if this whole thing is a trap or not, but everything’s already pretty fucked, so I’m just going to take you at your word.>
<My word?>
<What you said, about Telor not being the enemy.>
<Ah.>
<All right. Well. I’m over here with all the other voluntaries. Uh. I’m a Controller. A volunteer.>
I blinked.
<I figured there needed to be at least one person close in to everything, and like you said, they were going to capture one of us eventually anyway. So I just—signed up.>
<Why are you telling me th—>
<Because Telor never got another morpher. Not one. All of the resistance people they captured, Visser Three took them all straight up into space. But Telor never screwed me over, see? They kept my secret. And they’ve been trying to find you—the core Animorphs. They’ve been looking for you for months.>
<What for?>
<I don’t know. But my Yeerk knows. She’s got something for you, something she wouldn’t even tell me. Something not even all of Telor knows. They’ve been—it’s been siloing itself, forgetting things on purpose, splitting up under the water. And I figure—look, I think they’re going to waste everybody in here. Either these guys, or Visser Three when he gets here later. I don’t think we’re getting out alive.>
I turned to look at the edge of the pool. There were only three of the suctioneers left, and meanwhile four other fighters were unspooling what looked a lot like dynamite around the edges of the pool.
<Anyway. I know this sounds nuts, but I think if—if you let her—you know. If I can get to you, if you can get out—she says it’s super important.>
<How will I—>
<Fuck, man, I don’t know. But I figure if any of us has a shot, it’s you, right? I mean, I’m just a retail salesman. And I thought at least—look, I think I can make a distraction happen. And if we can get to each other, even if it’s just for like twenty seconds—>
<Why don’t you leave?>
<I’m sure as shit going to try, if I get the chance. But first—I was thinking—once they get control again, it might be a lot easier to slip out if they aren’t looking for you.>
<What—>
And then I got it.
<You want to morph me?>
<Your call. But you should probably decide soon.>
I squeezed my eyes shut. Anybody who acquired me would have access to everything I knew—
But Visser Three already has that, pretty much. From before.
I couldn’t see any way it was more of a trap than what I was already stuck in.
But then again, my judgment had been pretty shitty lately.
I opened my eyes. One of the fighters was jogging over toward me, an older, military-looking man whose face I vaguely recognized.
Trust your instincts.
<Okay,> I said, beginning to demorph out of my armor. <Do it.>
<Tobias—>
The older man only got out a single word before suddenly wincing and grabbing his head, along with all the other fighters. At the same time, the crowd of civilians, which had been sitting in perfect calm, suddenly surged to its feet, three hundred voices filling the dimly lit chamber.
<Stay right where you are,> Ryen said. <I’m coming for you.>
The fighters reacted almost immediately, but for the closest ones it was already too late. The Controllers swarmed over them, seizing their weapons even as the rest of the resistance fighters turned and began firing into the boiling mass.
The older man was no longer paying me any attention, backing away with his rifle at shoulder height. I looked behind me, and the fighter who had been guarding me was gone, without a trace.
Turning, I saw a group of maybe twenty Controllers heading my way. My heart in my chest, I stood, hands out in front of me—
<Come with us.>
—and then the crowd swept me up, running back around the edge of the pool, taking the long way toward the entrance.
“Hey,” whispered a voice. I caught a glimpse of a pale, determined face, and then a hand grabbed mine, transferring a warm, wet shape.
Still running, I closed my fingers around the shape. I almost missed the brief moment of lethargy as Ryen acquired me, and then I was out of the crowd, stumbling behind a waist-high concrete barrier as he pushed me away.
I dropped to the ground, careful not to crush the Yeerk in my hands, waiting to see if any lights would shine on me, any bullets fly my way. I felt my transformation finish, my hand trembling with morphing exhaustion as I raised the slug to my ear.
You’re not gonna get another chance to morph for a while. Better pick right.
Human, to blend in with the crowd? Insect, to tag along with the resistance fighters? Something big, to fight its way out?
I couldn’t think. I was numb all over.
Just do the bat again.
I felt the caress of the Yeerk in my brain, the same fingers-brushing-through-pages sensation I’d experienced as Temrash took control. But this Yeerk did not seize the steering wheel, did not say anything, was only a shadow in the background, the feel of someone standing just behind me.
I hope you’re worth it, I thought.
And then, confused and defeated, I flew.
* * *
Holding my hands out in front of me, I stepped out into the tiny forest clearing.
“Cinco e treze,” I said. “Cinco e treze, juntos em paz.”
There was a soft rustling that seemed to sweep around the edges of the bright, grassy space. Then a voice spoke from the trees ahead of me.
“De lama e água,” it said.
I let out a small sigh of relief. “O brilho da vida,” I replied.
There was a pause, and the sound of whispers, and then the voice rang out again.
“Bem vindo ao compartilhamento,” it said. “Quem é Você?”
“Tobias of the Animorphs,” I answered. “And Temrash of Aftran, and Ruhak of Telor.”
* * *
I looked down into the tiny, muddy pool. “So small,” I said.
“Yes,” said the woman. “Like all young things.”
I turned, sweeping my eyes around the nearby trees. There was barely a hint of technology visible through the brown and green, almost nothing to disturb the pristine beauty of the South American rainforest.
But I knew it was there. Shields, and holograms, and robotic weaponry. The pool looked as though it was exposed, but it was heavily protected.
“How did you do it?” I asked.
“Very carefully,” she answered. “Each shard carried within it a small compulsion, unknown even to itself. At an opportune moment, it would briefly silence its host, split off a tiny, tiny fragment, and hand that fragment to a courier. The couriers delivered the fragments to a central location, where an ally kept them safe until there was sufficient mass to produce kandrona. Then the coalescion divided itself, and a number of waitlisted volunteers brought us here, to the edge of the forest, where Essak-and-Levy had prepared the ground for us.”
Below the surface of the water, the dark shape pulsed and heaved. “And it’s been growing ever since?”
“Yes. Partly from ongoing deliveries, partly on its own. We are perhaps six hundred, now, plus what you see in the water.”
“All Brazilian?”
“Most. We have also begun to spread through the isolados—the uncontacted people to the north and the east. We have brought food, textiles, technology. And the medicine to prevent what would otherwise be devastating disease transmission.”
“All voluntary Controllers?”
“Not Controllers. Collaborators. A smaller parasite, like a child riding on your shoulder. A voice in your ear. And yes, all voluntary, except for the animals we have taken. It is the new way.”
“Are you still—Telor?”
“No. Telor is what we left behind. We are Terra, Earth. The first native coalescion.”
I looked back over my shoulder, toward the small compound. There was the hum of electricity, the whir of machinery, the sound of feet and hands in motion. “What are you building?” I asked.
“Ships,” she answered. “And weapons. And the tools to build more tools. We are preparing for the coming storm.”
I was quiet for a moment, debating whether or not to ask.
They already know that you know. They know everything that Temrash and Ruhak know.
“The hunger,” I said. “It’s gone.”
“Yes,” she answered. “But we do not know why, or how.”
She explained. Two months ago, a sickness had passed through the country. It was swift, and gentle—a few hours of coughing, a night of dizzy weakness. After it passed, there were no complications—nothing left in the bloodstream, no other symptoms. But everyone who got it was subtly changed.
“If a Yeerk lives within someone who has had the sickness, it does not need to come out to feed. Somehow, the host produces its own kandrona, as a by-product of its own normal metabolism. We still come back, for the sharing. But more and more of us are staying longer and longer.”
I must have caught the bug while I was still comatose. And Tom—Tom must have gotten sick, and then gotten better, and never even thought about it one way or another.
“Do the isolados produce kandrona?” I asked.
“No. The sickness did not reach so far, and those who were sick no longer carry the virus. Throughout the world, there must be many thousands—perhaps millions—who were not affected. But any who live in cities, or suburbs—”
I nodded. It was the worst news since Ventura, the loss of our most powerful weapon. “Telor didn’t tell its own hosts.”
“How could it? This is the Visser’s doing, obviously. And Telor was already living with the knife at its throat.”
Although not any longer. I had only caught snippets of the news, after my escape, but the story was that the resistance fighters had bombed the pool, killing the bulk of the coalescion. There were still thousands of shards inside human hosts, but the Visser had evacuated all of those into space, citing the urgent need for them to feed. Officially, there was no Yeerk presence on the planet surface anymore.
I reached into my pocket again, fingered the small Chee object. “How can I help?” I asked.
“You have helped already,” the woman said. “By bringing us Temrash, by saving the memories of Ruhak. But if you wish to help further—”
She hesitated, and shrugged. “The cube,” she said. “The cube, and information, and otherwise keeping your distance. Keeping the fight away from us. We need time to grow stronger.”
“How much time?” I asked. “The Visser’s fleet arrives in less than five weeks.”
“As much as you can spare. We will come, when we have to. But longer is better.”
She bent down, knelt at the edge of the pool, reached out with the silvery cylinder and tapped the surface of the water. A proboscis stretched forward, poured itself into the chamber, broke from the rest of the mass with a soft, wet squelch.
“This will no longer be Temrash as you remember him,” she said. “Not quite. He will have changed in the sharing. I do not know if he will still retain the power to morph, or if that will have been lost when he dissolved.”
“And Ruhak?”
“Ruhak will stay with us. She is Terra, now.”
I bit my lip. “Then I guess there’s not much else for us to talk about,” I said. “This time, anyway.”
“De fato,” she replied. “Do you need anything for your journey? Food, perhaps, or money?”
“No,” I said, still staring down at the dark, pulsating water. It swirled and rippled, an eerie mirror for my own thoughts.
Collaborators, she had said. It is the new way.
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Are you askew, Tobias?
I looked up at the woman, at the kind, gentle expression on her face.
“Something else, then?” she asked.
I opened my mouth, closed it again.
I remembered the way that Temrash had piloted my body—the smooth, effortless control, the way my heart and lungs and limbs had worked together in perfect harmony. And Ruhak, offering the same help during my escape from the pool.
Without them, I never would have made it out alive.
Telor never screwed me over, see? They kept my secret.
“I—”
I broke off. Somehow, I couldn’t find the words.
“Ah,” said the woman. Kneeling again, she dipped her hands into the water, traced her fingers across the mass that was Terra. It shivered, and trembled, and again reached out a long, thin appendage—
There was a Yeerk in the palm of her hand. Smaller than Ruhak, smaller than Temrash, a sliver of wet, gray flesh no bigger than a roll of quarters.
She held it up to me. “Would you like to join the sharing?” she asked.
I took a deep breath, held it, let it out.
“Yes,” I said, and reached out my hand.
Chapter 48: Interlude 13
Notes:
Note: this is a double update. If you have not read Chapter 35 (Tobias), go back and do that now.
Chapter Text
Interlude 13
The player studied the stream of inputs and permitted itself a brief moment of celebration—barely enough time for an atom of carbon-21 to spin off a neutron and become carbon-20, but that across almost the entirety of its mental architecture, a rare indulgence.
High. The price had been terribly, terribly high—all the moreso since the adversary had recognized the manipulation for what it was, had been wary of the player’s ulterior motives.
But in the end, the bait had simply been too tempting to resist. The reunification of nearly all of the adversary’s scattered pieces—the Chee and the Animorphs and the new splinter coalescion—not to mention the further momentum toward cooperative symbiosis—
Yes, even knowing that it was a trap, the adversary had been unable to forego the opportunity. It was a massive strengthening of its position, opening up new lines of play that had previously had odds on the order of one in a quintillion.
But there was a game outside the game, a larger context in which the player and its adversary were not gods, not meddlers, but real and vulnerable, embodied and embedded and inextricably entangled with the matter and energy they both sought to control, subject to breakage and blindspots and computational constraints.
And in that arena—
Both the player and the adversary had watched as the Visser’s investigations proceeded, his cautious forays into the structure of the hypercomputer stymied by its failsafes and firewalls (and his own desire to avoid notice). He was a bug in the code—a mite, a bacterium, a lowly prion drifting in the infinite hallways of the arbiter, unable to comprehend the majesty of what he could barely even perceive. They had left him alone, by mutual agreement—content to wait and see as the main game proceeded.
But now—
It was such a small thing. A slight weakening in the protections of an ancient, irrelevant archive, a tumbler set to turn at the lightest, slightest touch, opening the path to a single unencrypted file containing a mere four billion bits of information. The adversary was busy, juggling the ten trillion coincidences required for it to take advantage of the player’s apparent blunder. The theft would not be noticed. It would not be recorded. The adversary might never even know it had occurred—not until the effects showed themselves within the game proper, and perhaps not even then. It was information the Visser was already bound to discover, after all, once the Z-space bridge had fulfilled its intended purpose.
But these were the end times, and every second mattered—every scrap of advantage, no matter how small.
The player formatted the information, and compressed it, shaping it to match the almost primordial technology that was all the Visser had at his disposal. As a final touch, the player added a summary icon, a simple rendering in only three dimensions, of a small, bipedal creature with cracked, black skin like half-cooled lava.
A billion simulations began, then, as the player checked and re-checked and re-re-checked its assumptions, making sure that it had not missed anything of import. A billion Vissers crawled through the simulations, encountering the information under a billion slightly varied sets of circumstances, reacting to it in a billion slightly different ways, creating a billion branching futures.
The player surveyed the results, allowed itself another infinitesimal moment of pleasure.
Yes. That should be enough.
Chapter 49: Interlude 14 (recap)
Chapter Text
What we did on our SUMMER VACATION
(and also SPRING and a little bit of AUTUMN and really it wasn’t a VACATION at all)
a recap by GARRETT STEINBERG
Back in MARCH, an ANDALITE WAR-PRINCE named ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL with a MYSTERIOUS PAST that apparently includes spending several years on Earth disguised as a HUMAN, crash landed in the CONSTRUCTION SITE near the MALL in VENTURA after trying and failing to DESTROY THE PLANET.
The reason he was trying to DESTROY THE PLANET is that there was a SECRET, ONGOING INVASION by a bunch of BODYSNATCHING ALIEN SLUGS called YEERKS, and ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL was worried that if they got full control of Earth they could use our BODIES and our PRODUCTIVE CAPACITY to take over the whole rest of the GALAXY.
But anyway, it didn’t work, and he was MORTALLY WOUNDED, so on the VERGE OF DEATH he gave TOBIAS, JAKE, MARCO, RACHEL, and CASSIE a bit of ANDALITE TECHNOLOGY called the ISCAFIL DEVICE, which grants people the power to MORPH into any living creature whose DNA they can acquire by touch. He was able to do this because the five of them were BREAKING THE RULES by taking a shortcut through the construction site, which is something you are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO for OBVIOUS REASONS.
The next day, MARCO, who likes to THINK AHEAD, spent a bunch of time shouting at the rest of them for being flippant and casual about trying out their NEW, UNTESTED, ALIEN-TECHNOLOGY-BASED POWERS by themselves in their bedrooms. He also shouted a bit about EXISTENTIAL RISK and ASTRONOMICAL STAKES before turning into a copy of ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL and picking up on a TELEPATHIC DISTRESS SIGNAL from someone who called ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL “BROTHER.”
After that, RACHEL, who self-identifies as STRONG-WILLED and IMPATIENT and HOTHEADED, spent some time doing SCIENCE and discovered some things about the MORPHING POWER, such as how there is a limit to how many times you can morph in rapid succession and how the TELEPATHIC POWERS that morphing gives you have a range of about three hundred yards, and how anything you eat while you’re in morph does not go into your REAL BODY. Later, feeling STRONG-WILLED and IMPATIENT and HOTHEADED, RACHEL turned herself into a DOG and went to find out whether her friend MELISSA CHAPMAN had been turned into a CONTROLLER, which is what you call someone who’s been infested with a YEERK. It seemed pretty likely that MELISSA was a CONTROLLER because we already knew that her dad, VICE-PRINCIPAL CHAPMAN, was one, and it would be silly to turn just one person in a house into a CONTROLLER when you could just turn everyone in the house and avoid SUSPICION.
Anyway it turned out that, SURPRISE SURPRISE, MELISSA was a CONTROLLER. When you say SURPRISE SURPRISE twice like that, it means that it was not at all a SURPRISE. IMPATIENTLY/HOTHEADEDLY, RACHEL sent the CHAPMANS a THREATENING TELEPATHIC MESSAGE which was meant to give them HOPE.
Unfortunately, this led to them KILLING THEMSELVES, possibly while resisting attempts from their YEERKS to force them to report back to headquarters. CASSIE, whose parents are VETERINARIANS and who wants to be a VETERINARIAN herself and who is mostly distinguished from the other four by the fact that she TRIES TO BE NICE, wanted to try to help out with that whole situation somehow, but instead MARCO convinced her that TIME WAS OF THE ESSENCE and that she should spend the day abusing her SPECIAL ACCESS PRIVILIGES to the LOCAL ZOO to acquire a whole bunch of USEFUL ANIMALS for the rest of the team to morph.
But SURPRISE, once she wrapped up her MOTHER stunned her in the CAR on the way home. Note how I only wrote SURPRISE once that time, which indicates that it really was a SURPRISE. It turned out that CASSIE’S MOTHER was ALREADY A CONTROLLER for reasons unrelated, and she tried to INFEST CASSIE right there in the CAR, but the YEERK was killed by the INTERNAL DEFENSE MECHANISM that ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL had installed in CASSIE’S EAR. CASSIE ESCAPED by turning into an ELEPHANT and then a VERY FAST BIRD, but she wasn’t able to stop her MOTHER from capturing and infesting her FATHER and so she went into hiding up in the MOUNTAINS.
Before that, though, the team all met up in the WOODS to TALK, which would turn out to be kind of a RECURRING THEME. TOBIAS, who is a STREET-SMART ORPHAN and KIND OF MY ADOPTED BIG BROTHER ALTHOUGH NOT OFFICIALLY, got impatient with the way the rest of them kept BICKERING and ARGUING and IGNORING THE BIG PICTURE. He eventually stormed off and that is when I became a part of the story because he came back to OAK LANDING where we both lived and asked if I wanted to RUN AWAY. His plan was to go on a ROGUE MISSION to find the source of the TELEPATHIC DISTRESS SIGNAL.
The first step in that plan was to use the ISCAFIL DEVICE to give the MORPHING POWER to ME, GARRETT STEINBERG, but before he could do that he was intercepted by JAKE, who was not wearing any CLOTHES at the time because they hadn’t figured out that you could morph CLOTHES yet. JAKE pointed out that TOBIAS was being KIND OF A DICK, and then he AUTHORIZED THE MISSION to SAVE FACE. Then I turned into a BIRD and we discovered that there are some PROBLEMS with morphing into an animal that you acquired from someone else at the same time that they are morphed into that same animal. This led me to my new rule which was NO FLYING, and then TOBIAS and I encountered a SUSPICIOUSLY CONVENIENT BEACHED WHALE.
Then we cut away to ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX, which is the name of the YEERK who lives inside the head of ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS, who used to be the most important MILITARY LEADER of the ANDALITE PEOPLE. ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX is in charge of the INVASION OF EARTH and has the title VISSER THREE. He is SUPER PARANOID. We see him thinking through the information he’s been getting from his subordinates, and we see him almost immediately realize that his OLD NEMESIS must have recruited some HUMAN CHILDREN and given them MORPHING POWER. He is not particularly concerned, but he is very excited about the possibility of getting his hands on the ISCAFIL DEVICE for purposes likely NEFARIOUS.
JAKE has a sleepless night in his MORPH ARMOR, which is what we call it when you acquire your own body from somebody else who is morphed into you, and then you morph into your own body, giving you TELEPATHY and the ability to demorph away any INJURIES. He realizes that CASSIE’S AUNT MIKAYLA is probably a CONTROLLER and that the YEERK that is controlling her is probably going to need to drain out of her head soon to feed on KANDRONA, which is a thing that happens every three days at a secret facility called the YEERK POOL. So JAKE stows away inside her car to find the YEERK POOL and discovers that it’s built into the local YMCA and he sneaks inside and starts freaking out because everything inside is HORRIBLE.
MARCO tries to talk JAKE down and eventually JOINS HIM inside the pool. They find a DARK SCARY TUNNEL leading down into the ground and decide to INVESTIGATE because they are IDIOT TEENAGERS WITH A DEATH WISH. Some MONSTERS come out of the dark and EAT JAKE, who demorphs and PUNCHES HIS WAY OUT OF ONE while MARCO morphs into an ANDALITE and does a lot of VIOLENCE. In the end, MARCO manages to get JAKE out of the pool, but JAKE’S REAL BODY has been FATALLY WOUNDED and he can’t demorph into it without bleeding to death. He’s wearing his MORPH ARMOR again, and so he and MARCO just kind of wait while THE TIME LIMIT approaches. See, you can only stay in morph for about TWO HOURS before the POCKET DIMENSION holding your REAL BODY in STASIS runs out of POWER and COLLAPSES. So JAKE and MARCO have a HEART-TO-HEART and then TIME RUNS OUT and JAKE falls into a COMA.
We cut back to RACHEL, who is in the middle of COVERING THEIR ESCAPE. She KILLS A LOT OF PEOPLE and KIND OF DOESN’T MIND, although she KIND OF MINDS that she KIND OF DOESN’T MIND. She notices that the YEERK POOL is now in CHAOS and decides to take advantage of the CHAOS to sneak back in and communicate telepathically with some of the CAGED HUMANS while pretending to be ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL. They tell her that the LOCAL HOSPITAL and the LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL are both about to be completely taken over. She sticks her HAND into a FIRE to get TOUGHER which is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, and she fights with MARCO over whether or not JAKE will ever wake up. Then she goes to SCHOOL, where she meets an ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT named EREK who has PERFECT HOLOGRAMS and can SEE THROUGH MORPHS (KIND OF). The ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT wants to TEAM UP, and she is considering saying YES when suddenly it lets slip that it can see SOMEBODY ELSE IN MORPH nearby, who RACHEL DEDUCES is probably VISSER THREE. This is a CLIFFHANGER that does not get resolved or revisited for SEVERAL CHAPTERS.
Meanwhile, CASSIE is HIDING IN THE WOODS, and is STRAIGHT-UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME. She does more SCIENCE on the MORPHING POWER, and discovers that she can COMBINE MORPHS, at least from two animals from the same species. She also discovers that she can tweak a single morph just by FOCUSING REALLY HARD, and that she can acquire an animal even if it’s DEAD. She decides to FIGHT EVERY CREATURE SHE CAN FIND which is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, and is about to MURDER A BEAR when she also discovers that her ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL morph has a REAL, CONSCIOUS ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL hiding UNDER THE SURFACE because the person who invented the MORPHING POWER put the default setting on MUTE.
TOBIAS and I spend some time on a tanker ship and it is VERY COLD and then we get into the water and it is EVEN MORE COLD and also SCARY and then we morph into WHALES and spend some time down in the VERY DEEP AND DARK AND EXTREMELY SCARY OCEAN. We get ATTACKED by a GIANT SQUID and it almost KILLS TOBIAS, so after we finish acquiring it I EAT IT as VENGEANCE, which is PROBABLY NOT A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM but I don’t care. We go even further into the DEEP DARK SCARY as squids and see some PRETTY LIGHTS. Eventually, we find an ALIEN ESCAPE POD and bring it up to the surface, hoping to RESCUE whoever is inside. We are CONFUSED and DISMAYED when, instead of OPENING, the escape pod just FLIES OFF INTO THE SKY. Like COME ON, if you could do that the whole time then why were you down at the BOTTOM of the OCEAN.
As it turns out, the ALIEN ESCAPE POD is holding ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL’S YOUNGER BROTHER, who is a HALF-TRAINED ANDALITE WARRIOR named AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL. He can think THREE OR FOUR THINGS AT A TIME and he spends some time flying around and ASSESSING THE SITUATION while he COPES WITH HIS BROTHER’S DEATH in ways that are not particularly HEALTHY. Ultimately, he decides that instead of FLYING HOME he will go find out more about the HUMAN MORPHERS who pulled his ship out of the water, and he comes back and introduces himself as AX because he has a bit of a SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
ESPLIN-NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX spends some time taunting ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS from INSIDE ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS’S HEAD because he is KIND OF A JERK. Then he oversees the TAKEOVER OF THE HIGH SCHOOL, which mostly goes off without a hitch except that EREK and RACHEL ESCAPE, and RACHEL cuts off his HEAD in the process. But that was okay because it wasn’t VISSER THREE’S REAL HEAD, it was the body of a RANDOM KID being run via a new, experimental REMOTE-CONTROL YEERK. Oh, and right at the LAST SECOND, before RACHEL and EREK get away, VISSER THREE brings an alien called a LEERAN into range for a split second, which somehow sets up a MULTIDIMENSIONAL TELEPATHIC LINK between him and them and lets him learn where all of the ANIMORPHS live and also all of the ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOTS.
There’s a kind of SPOOKY INTERLUDE where we find out that RACHEL was “not supposed to be there,” whatever THAT means.
The ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG-LOVING ROBOT named EREK uses LASERS to cut away some of the leftover MORPH TECH that’s inside JAKE’S BRAIN and keeping him in a COMA. He WAKES UP, just in time to deal with AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL FREAKING RIGHT THE FUCK OUT about how morphing technology is in fact based on YEERK PHYSIOLOGY and the REAL MINDS of the people and animals are under there the whole time. JAKE deals with this mainly by BEING KIND OF A BULLY. The gang figures out that if you can MORPH AWAY YOUR CLOTHES then you can probably morph away OTHER STUFF TOO. They also figure out that you can use THOUGHT SPEAK as a WEAPON, since the ability to INFLUENCE THE FIRING OF SOMEONE’S NEURONS FROM A DISTANCE is clearly not limited just to COMMUNICATION, which is something I had already figured out while FIGHTING the GIANT SQUID. They get ME to try MORPHING into a YEERK as part of a PLAN to INFILTRATE THE YEERK POOL, but it doesn’t go well and no one is sure why.
We visit the inside of MARCO’S HEAD, but PLOT TWIST: it’s not the REAL MARCO, it’s the mind of MARCO’S MORPH ARMOR, and eventually the REAL MARCO has to MURDER it by demorphing, which is DARK and GRITTY and REALISTICALLY TRAUMATIC. There’s a mission to take out a SUPPLY TRUCK that mostly goes well except that MARCO ends up hauling away a LIVE CONTROLLER and has to HIDE and stuff to make sure that the YEERKS can’t track him. The CONTROLLER turns out to be a man named TIDWELL whose YEERK is named ILLIM, and JAKE talks the YEERK out of TIDWELL’S HEAD by pretty much being a BADASS.
There’s another INTERLUDE where a YEERK thinks that it is MAKING FRIENDS with a LITTLE GIRL but it turns out that this is NOT A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AT ALL.
RACHEL morphs into TIDWELL and then puts ILLIM inside of her own head which is CLEVER because ILLIM is in control of the MORPHED BODY but ultimately RACHEL is the one who’s REALLY IN CONTROL because she can DEMORPH and KILL ILLIM whenever she wants, which is a pretty good NEGOTIATING TACTIC. She negotiates with him and he agrees to sneak them both into the YEERK POOL so long as she promises to let him ACTUALLY GET BACK INTO THE POOL instead of making him STARVE TO DEATH. This HAPPENS.
Unfortunately for ILLIM, he forgot to negotiate that we wouldn’t just BLOW UP THE POOL THIRTY SECONDS LATER, which we DO using SODIUM which is NOT A GOOD THING TO DROP THREE HUNDRED POUNDS OF INTO WATER. RACHEL and I escape the EXPLOSION by morphing into TARDIGRADES and AX flies off into the complex to turn off the SHIELD GENERATOR.
CASSIE watches as a LOT OF PEOPLE DIE and she DOESN’T LIKE IT. Then something FREEZES TIME and CASSIE and JAKE and MARCO and TOBIAS all find themselves TELEPORTED INTO THE YEERK POOL where time is STILL STOPPED. A CREATURE appears and tells them that VISSER THREE is sending a METEOR to WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN, and asks if the ANIMORPHS would like to HITCH A RIDE OUT OF THERE before the VERY LARGE EXPLOSION THAT WILL DEFINITELY KILL THEM ALL. CASSIE gives up her spot to save TOM (JAKE’S BROTHER) and PETER (MARCO’S DAD) and EREK (THE ROBOT) and stays behind to try to save a LITTLE BOY herself, but it DOESN’T WORK and then the METEOR HITS.
There’s another INTERLUDE that’s broken into THREE PIECES, and in the first one we see that there’s some kind of near-omniscient, near-omnipotent GOD FIGURE that is MANIPULATING OUR HEROES as part of some kind of LARGER GAME. In the second one we see that the DOG ROBOTS are KIND-OF-BUT-NOT-REALLY a HIVE MIND, and that when EREK gets TELEPORTED they all GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE, which is a METAPHOR because really they’re getting the heck out of VENTURA, CA. We also see that SOMEONE who is PROBABLY JAKE has been morphing into CASSIE just to kind of TALK TO HER and it’s VERY SAD but it’s NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM and it’s ALSO MORE THAN A LITTLE DISTURBING which is sort of the THEME OF THIS WHOLE STORY, WOULDN’T YOU SAY.
Meanwhile TOBIAS gets teleported back to WASHINGTON DC, which is where he was in the first place, because he was on a mission to try to get ACCESS to the PRESIDENT to find out if she is a CONTROLLER. He ends up kind of having an EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN in front of a man named JEREMIAH POZNANSKI, which leads him to get in touch with PAUL EVANS who is in the SECRET SERVICE. YADDA YADDA YADDA is what you say when you want to skip over the BORING parts, and TOBIAS gives PAUL and PRESIDENT TYAGI the morphing power. Then PRESIDENT TYAGI goes into HIDING while PAUL stays behind to IMPERSONATE HER. But they were KIND OF SLOPPY with their OPERATIONAL SECURITY, and when TOBIAS goes back to reconnect with JEREMIAH, he finds a BUG FIGHTER waiting. TOBIAS lets himself get CAPTURED, then DESTROYS the BUG FIGHTER, losing a HAND in the process, then he RESCUES JEREMIAH’S SON, a kid named DAVID. All of this happens pretty much in PUBLIC, in WASHINGTON DC, where there is now a CRASHED ALIEN SPACESHIP on the STREET which is pretty much THE WORST for VISSER THREE’S COVERUP OPERATION.
Without OTHER ANDALITES to TELEPATH with, AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL is KIND OF LOSING HIS MIND. Everyone who was SAVED from the METEOR by the MYSTERIOUS GOD FIGURE ends up on a HILLSIDE about fifty miles outside of VENTURA. Two of them—TOM and PETER—are CONTROLLERS, which naturally makes things kind of TENSE at first, until the YEERKS realize that VISSER THREE just MURDERED THEIR POOL, which makes them RECONSIDER THEIR LOYALTIES. We find out that YEERK POOLS are actually a SUPERORGANISM and that INDIVIDUAL YEERKS are like PERSONALITY FRAGMENTS that can be mixed and remixed by the larger coalescion. We also find out that AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL has NO CHILL when exposed to CINNAMON BUNS, and RACHEL turns into a GORILLA to KNOCK SOME SENSE into him. To try to stop himself from going EVEN CRAZIER, AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL gets up in the middle of the night and secretly lets TOM’S YEERK, named TEMRASH, INFEST him.
Cut away to space, where ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX discovers that the Z-SPACE RIFT that has ISOLATED THE EARTH SYSTEM has this strange, incredibly narrow, extremely suspicious BRIDGE across it, allowing for quick and undetected movement into and out of the system. He is APPROPRIATELY SUSPICIOUS, and he COVERS UP THE ENTRANCE with SEVERAL THOUSAND ADVANCED SPACE MINES. He then SKYPES WITH HIS BIOGENETICIST, who is helping him do all sorts of CRAZY BIOENGINEERING in exchange for PROTECTION FROM METEORS, which is IRONIC given what JUST HAPPENED to VENTURA. Then he goes to the YEERK MOTHERSHIP, where the OTHER YEERK POOL is NOT STOKED about the METEOR thing, but he COWS THEM INTO SUBMISSION anyway through the power of DEATH THREATS and BRIBES.
Back in WASHINGTON DC, TOBIAS watches as a KIND-OF-BUT-NOT-REALLY-ANDALITE BODY shows up at the CRASH SITE and CONFESSES to a whole lot of TRUE STUFF while PRETENDING to be VISSER THREE. It claims that the YEERKS want to open up PEACE TALKS with HUMANITY, and beams some PRIVATE MESSAGES at TOBIAS being like, why don’t we have a TRUCE?
There is an INTERLUDE where REDDIT is all, like, WTF IS GOING ON?? Deep down in the comments, there is somebody whose HALLOWEEN COSTUME is A GIANT BOX OF RED FLAGS.
JAKE wakes up and MARCO is like, AX has turned himself into a CONTROLLER, let’s KILL HIM or at least signal that we are VERY UPSET. JAKE is like, maybe instead let’s TRUST EACH OTHER A LITTLE. Meanwhile TOM is kind of TRAUMATIZED by having been MIND-RAPED for SEVERAL WEEKS. The gang learns that there is a FACTORY which makes a kind of OATMEAL that lets YEERKS stay inside their hosts BASICALLY FOREVER, and they debate BLOWING THAT FACTORY UP.
But RACHEL says NO, because she has GROWN AS A PERSON as a result of several experiences of RUSHING INTO THINGS in ways that led to DISASTER. Then ALL OF US MORPH INTO EACH OTHER ON A MESA and LEARN WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE EACH OTHER, including finding out that the AX-TEMRASH COLLABORATION seems like it might actually be A PRETTY HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM. Finally, RACHEL goes back to WASHINGTON DC to try to recover TOBIAS and the MORPHING CUBE and the SHREDDER (and as it turns out DAVID) from a SECRET UNDERGROUND DOG PARK that the ROBOTS have built because they REALLY LOVE DOGS, LIKE, A LOT, LIKE, IT’S MAYBE THEIR ENTIRE REASON FOR EXISTING. The ROBOTS let TOBIAS and DAVID go and give RACHEL the CUBE and the SHREDDER which CONFUSES TOBIAS because they had previously COMPLETELY REFUSED to give him EITHER. This is the sort of thing that deserves ATTENTION and CAREFUL THOUGHT but idk if they gave it EITHER of those things.
There’s another INTERLUDE where I really hope you didn’t have STRONG PROTECTIVE FEELINGS toward HENRY THE HERMIT CRAB because if you DID then you will be UPSET.
MARCO is like FUCK IT and orchestrates a BROADCAST thanks to help from some of TOBIAS’S NEW GOVERNMENT FRIENDS, and they TELL THE WORLD that VISSER THREE IS NOT LEGIT. Then MARCO and JAKE lead a mission to blow up the FACTORY where they make the OATMEAL, while all of the ROBOTS go out and buy up the available supply. The gang considers going to CHINA where a bunch of the OATMEAL was being shipped, but CHINA is a BIG PLACE and everyone is kind of INTIMIDATED although no one says that outright. DAVID asks if he can join the team and MARCO morphs into him to make sure everything is A-OK. Turns out that it ISN’T, but SOMETHING STRANGE happens and MARCO’S MEMORY GETS EDITED and he VOUCHES FOR DAVID even though he REALLY REALLY SHOULDN’T.
TOBIAS and I go out on a MASS RECRUITMENT MISSION to make a few thousand AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS.
AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL is REALLY INTO being a CONTROLLER. The gang realizes that VISSER THREE is trying to play everyone against each other, keeping the ANDALITES and the YEERKS and the HUMANS at odds even though there are a lot of reasons for those species to ALLY with one another. AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL goes and meets with PRESIDENT TYAGI and starts to build a COMMUNICATION DEVICE, but before he turns it over to the humans, he secretly contacts CHANCELLOR LIREM-ARREPOTH-TERROUSS, LEADER of the ANDALITE MILITARY. He tries to tell the CHANCELLOR that SOMETHING IS FUCKY, and that the ANDALITES should SUE FOR PEACE, but the CHANCELLOR replies with HOW ABOUT I BLOW UP THE GODDAMN PLANET EARTH, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? He gives AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL seven ANDALITE DAYS to wrap up his affairs and get off-world before an EVEN BIGGER METEOR shows up at RELATIVISTIC SPEEDS to turn the EARTH into NOT EVEN A CLOUD OF DUST, REALLY.
Meanwhile, RACHEL is BACKUP in case the PRESIDENT doesn’t let AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL go, but she gets DISTRACTED when DAVID straight-up MURDERS HIS FATHER which I don’t have to tell you is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, I am starting to feel like I am the only one who PAID ATTENTION to my GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. RACHEL gets DAVID out of there, and then watches as AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and PRESIDENT TYAGI open COMMUNICATION with TELOR, which is the name of the OTHER YEERK POOL up on the MOTHERSHIP. TELOR is ANGRY WITH VISSER THREE and sounds like it’s willing to DOUBLE CROSS him, which would be GREAT so long as it’s not a TRAP.
TOBIAS and I have been recruiting for a while when we come across OFFICER FARLOW, who leads us to THÀN SUOROS, who is a mad engineer who has been hoping to get in touch with THE RESISTANCE. He has HOMEMADE LASER GUNS and a GIANT Z-SPACE DETECTOR that he’s been using to track SHIPS and COMMUNICATIONS and MORPHING since BEFORE ELFANGOR-SIRINIAL-SHAMTUL EVEN LANDED. We decide we’re going to get the rest of the ANIMORPHS involved, and TOBIAS tells me to take the MORPHING CUBE to the CHEE to keep it SAFE. But I get a BAD FEELING and so I DON’T DO THAT even though TOBIAS THINKS I DID.
There’s an INTERLUDE where we learn that ALLORAN-SEMITUR-CORASS has kind of VANISHED from his own HEAD, and ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX isn’t at all sure what that means and is also ODDLY INCURIOUS. We also find out that ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX wants to beat DEATH and ENTROPY and wants to LIVE FOREVER and would be LESS OF A DICK to EVERYONE ELSE if they weren’t TOTALLY WASTING TIME AND ENERGY themselves, which would make him much more sympathetic if he weren’t ALWAYS TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE. Then we see that ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-DOUBLE-SIX is trying to CLONE HIMSELF in such a way as to be able to MAINTAIN HIS VALUES across TIME and across MULTIPLE HOSTS. He hasn’t succeeded yet, but he seems VERY CLOSE.
A YEERK in FRANCE does an AMA and it goes SURPRISINGLY WELL.
TOBIAS tries to talk things out with PRESIDENT TYAGI, who is sort of TENSE after DAVID KILLED HIS FATHER. It goes LESS WELL but not TERRIBLY. PRESIDENT TYAGI says that she is going to MEET with representatives from TELOR, and offer VOLUNTARY INFESTATION if the YEERKS will commit to MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION as a DETERRENT against the ANDALITE METEOR ATTACK. TOBIAS is worried that SOMETHING will go WRONG.
There is an INTERLUDE in which SOMEONE is advertising that they have a LITTLE BLUE BOX for sale on EBAY.
JAKE is VERY TIRED and is MEAN to a CASSIE MORPH CLONE. He’s running BACKUP on the DIPLOMATIC MEETING, which is a GOOD THING because the YEERKS do indeed try to pull a FAST ONE. With some clever thinking and help from one of the ANCIENT INDESTRUCTIBLE PACIFIST DOG ROBOTS, JAKE manages to STEAL A BUG FIGHTER and get back the CAPTURED PRESIDENT TYAGI. But it turns out that the CAPTURED PRESIDENT TYAGI was actually just a MORPH CLONE because the REAL PRESIDENT TYAGI also THINKS AHEAD. JAKE, as it turns out, has HAD ENOUGH, and decides that what we need to do is GO AFTER VISSER THREE DIRECTLY.
MARCO tries to talk the ANDALITE PEOPLE out of their policy of CASUAL GENOCIDE. Afterwards, he leads a VERY CAREFUL RECONNAISANCE MISSION to see what VISSER THREE is up to—he’s been LANDING ON EARTH in random places, according to the GIANT Z-SPACE DETECTOR which is called SERENITY in what might be a stealth FIREFLY REFERENCE. MARCO doesn’t know it, but during that recon mission, DAVID TELEPATHICALLY BETRAYS THEM TO VISSER THREE in exchange for the promise of a ticket off of the EARTH, which is STILL DOOMED at the moment, thanks to the INCOMING ANDALITE METEOR. VISSER THREE tells DAVID to PLAY IT COOL, and sets up a TRAP. MARCO, JAKE, TOBIAS, DAVID, EREK, and SOME OTHER ROBOTS AS WELL all fall into that trap. They’re caught, and using one of those MULTIDIMENSIONALLY TELEPATHIC LEERANS, VISSER THREE looks inside their heads and learns EVERYTHING, JUST FUCKING EVERYTHING, GOD DAMMIT, IT IS A FIASCO. At the same time, MARCO learns that his MOTHER is VISSER ONE, which is SHOCKING, but he can’t do anything about it because then VISSER THREE KILLS THEM ALL.
In the meantime, RACHEL is leading the BACKUP MISSION to DESTROY SERENITY, which now that I think about it might have been some kind of CLEVER SYMBOLISM. Afterward, they go to pick up JAKE and the others at a RENDEZVOUS POINT in I think it was MONTANA. Eventually, JAKE comes out of the WOODS, but I immediately recognize him as an IMPOSTOR because I am GOOD AT TELLING PEOPLE APART in THOUGHT SPEAK. RACHEL KILLS the IMPOSTOR, but before he dies he throws a BOMB at our BUG FIGHTER, which has TOM and AX inside of it, which turns out to be a very good DISTRACTION. DISTRACTED, we go to help them, but behind our backs DAVID demorphs out of the DEAD JAKE BODY and is COVERED IN WEAPONS and is apparently CONTROLLED by VISSER THREE and he kills RACHEL and he ALMOST KILLS ME except that I morph into TOBIAS and stay past the TIME LIMIT because otherwise no one will know where the ISCAFIL DEVICE is and also because TOM has the DNA of EVERYBODY EXCEPT TOBIAS and I guess CASSIE but there’s nothing I can do about THAT.
There are several LONG and EXTREMELY STRESSFUL WEEKS that go by off-screen, in which TOM is attempting to deal with a MORTALLY WOUNDED AX and a COMATOSE TOBIAS BODY and an INCOMING METEOR THAT HE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT and the KNOWLEDGE that his BROTHER is probably DEAD just like the rest of his FAMILY.
JAKE wakes up after DISTURBING VISIONS of some kind of IMMORTAL CREEPY-CRAWLY which he PROMPTLY FORGETS. He learns that EVERYBODY DIED, and that TOM used the MORPHING CUBE and his own morphs of JAKE and GARRETT and RACHEL and MARCO to convince some TERMINAL CANCER PATIENTS to give up their bodies to bring the ANIMORPHS BACK TO LIFE. In the intervening weeks, the YEERKS have been making all sorts of POWER MOVES: they cut off the INTERNET for a while, and took all of the NUKES, and have set up a giant pool in BRAZIL. JAKE has NO IDEA what to do about any of THAT, so he goes to talk to AX, whose body is STILL DYING and who spends 99% of his time in morph as a STOPGAP MEASURE.
There is a VERY SHORT INTERLUDE in which VISSER THREE uses MARCO’S BODY to get VISSER ONE in TROUBLE with the rest of the YEERK COUNCIL.
TOBIAS is engaging in ALL SORTS OF UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS, possibly among them CASUAL SEX WITH YOUNG MALE DOLPHINS off the coast of MADAGASCAR. He decides to try INFILTRATING the BRAZILIAN YEERK POOL because TEMRASH is DYING OF STARVATION because after the botched mission to get VISSER THREE, the ANIMORPHS decided to stay away from the DOG ROBOTS, who have all of the OATMEAL. MARCO thinks that TOBIAS’S PLAN is GARBAGE and that he will GET CAUGHT. As it turns out, TOBIAS’S PLAN is GARBAGE and he is immediately ALMOST CAUGHT and ends up HIDING TEMRASH INSIDE HIS BRAIN which leads to TEMRASH making things WORSE and they are TOTALLY ABOUT TO BE KILLED when there is a DEUS EX MACHINA from one of the DOG ROBOTS that hands TOBIAS a MYSTERIOUS OBJECT.
That’s not all, though, because TOBIAS and TEMRASH escape from the building into a WAR ZONE because the RESISTANCE FIGHTERS have chosen PRECISELY THIS MOMENT to VACUUM UP THE WHOLE DANG COALESCION for REASONS UNKNOWN. In the CHAOS and CONFUSION, one of the AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS finds TOBIAS and reveals himself as a VOLUNTARY CONTROLLER. He gives his own YEERK to TOBIAS, and it leads TOBIAS to a SECRET OFF-THE-RADAR POOL called TERRA out in the AMAZON. A CONTROLLER from that POOL makes a fairly convincing claim that TERRA is NICE and is trying to HELP, and TOBIAS becomes a VOLUNTARY CONTROLLER HIMSELF, albeit with a SMALLER YEERK that THEORETICALLY CANNOT FULLY TAKE OVER.
All in all, I LEARNED A LOT but I don’t know what will happen next because I am currently in a COMA and so is RACHEL still.
The next REAL CHAPTER is AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL and it will post in TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. More updates will follow every other week for at least FIVE TOTAL UPDATES and hopefully MORE because the story has less than TWENTY CHAPTERS LEFT though probably more than TEN.
Chapter 50: Chapter 36: Aximili
Notes:
Author's note: Welcome back, everyone! I have three chapters ready to go and hopefully enough buffer to get three or four more written, so we should see AT LEAST five every-other-week updates and hopefully more like eight or nine or maybe all the way to the END OF THE STORY which is not super far away.
I know things have been on hiatus, and that always kills readership, so if you're one of the tenacious few who are still with me, please remember that I am always hungry for feedback of any kind, and your comments and reviews make a HUGE difference in my ability to keep going. Let me know what you think here, or join the discussion over on r/rational!
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes.
Chapter Text
Chapter 36: Aximili
[A BLADE SLIDING WETLY FROM A WOUND, THE ICE RETREATING FROM AN ALPINE DELTA AS WINTER GIVES WAY TO SPRING…
We shivered as the last vestiges of our true—
(and broken)
—body vanished, the scabs and scars and sutures melting into the fresh, healthy tissue of our morph armor. It hadn’t felt like a normal transformation. It had felt as if death itself had wrapped its fingers around our hearts, and had only barely been persuaded to let go, its touch lingering like the caress of a lover.
“You can’t demorph again, Ax.”
We—
(Or was it I? So much was missing, not merely Temrash but the we that was Temrash-and-Aximili, the fusion that was both of us and more, the embodiment of our conversation—)
((It was difficult to stay focused, with so much silence.))
—turned to look at our war-prince with all four eyes, saying nothing.
“I get that you wanted to try,” Jake continued. “It was worth trying. But you’ve gone into cardiac arrest twice, now. If you die in your normal body—we don’t have time to find another volunteer—”
We could hear the tension in his voice, the firmness of his conviction clashing with the desire-not-to-command.
(How short a time ago, that we would not have noticed, would have heard only the clickings and clackings of animal stick-speak. But the shadow of Tom was with us, was still there even after Temrash’s departure, and that part of us ached with care and concern for our younger sibling—for the weight that he bore.)
“—know that this is scary, but—”
‹We will comply,› we said wearily.
Prince Jake’s jaw snapped shut, and he nodded, changing directions as smoothly as a kafit bird. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked gently. “Anything any of us can do? A message, or a ceremony—”
‹There is nothing,› we said.
(Strictly speaking, this was a lie, but without other Andalites—without a preexisting harmony to carry my final thoughts—)
‹Just—›
We swept our stalks around, taking in the small, cramped bedroom, filled with human objects, human smells.
(Somehow it was easier this way, would have been harder out in the open, with the grass and the sky that were so clearly not the grass and sky of home.)
((There was shame in our request, unseemly intimacy, but we were dying, and if some other Aximili did awaken on the far side, he would not remember anyway.))
‹—we would like not to be alone.›
My war-prince nodded, and knelt beside me, and laced his fingers through the fur of my shoulder.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.
* * *
[A SHINING, CRYSTALLINE CITY, DRIFTING SLOWLY THROUGH SKIES OF WHITE AND GOLD, HELD ALOFT BY THE BEAT OF SEVEN-TO-THE-SEVEN WINGS. AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION CARRIED ON THE BACKS OF ITS CITIZENS, EACH OF THEM SACRIFICING THREE CYCLES OUT OF FIVE TO THE COMMON ENDEAVOR—HOLDING THEIR METROPOLIS APART FROM THE MUCK AND MIRE BELOW THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL.]
[A WELL-WORN HARNESS, FAMILIAR AND TIGHT ACROSS MY SHOULDERS, LEAVING MY FOUR WINGS FREE TO FOLD AND FLEX. A TIRED RESIGNATION, DREAMS OF OPEN SKIES BURIED BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF DUTY, OF RESPONSIBILITY.]
[A WEB OF LIGHT, A NETWORK OF GAMES AND MESSAGES AND INFORMATION, AN ENTIRE DIGITAL WORLD TO DISTRACT FROM THE ENDLESS DRUDGERY OF FLIGHT.]
[A GAME OF PATIENCE AND SUBTLETY, LESS POPULAR WITH MY SIBLINGS, MY COUSINS, THE CHAMPIONS OF THE OTHER CITIES. A QUIET GAME, WITH FEW PLAYERS, A GAME OF INTUITION AND CALCULATION, SEEKING TO CREATE THE GREATEST POSSIBLE CHANGE WITH THE SMALLEST POSSIBLE INTERVENTION. A GAME OF EVOLUTION BOTH GENETIC AND MEMETIC, WITH SIMULATED CENTURIES PASSING IN SECONDS. I NUDGE A SETTING, AND A GAP OPENS IN THE CLOUDS OF A STORMBOUND PLANET, LETTING STARLIGHT THROUGH TO A SPECIES THAT HAS NEVER BEFORE SEEN THE SKY—]
[A FLASH OF LIGHT—THE SOUND OF METAL RENDING—THE SMELL OF SMOKE—NOT SIMULATED, BUT REAL, THE SHINING CRYSTAL CITY SHUDDERING WITH THE IMPACT OF LASER FIRE—]
[A MESSAGE BLARING, DEAFENING EVEN OVER THE SOUNDS OF SCREAMS, OF EXPLOSIONS, OF RUSHING WIND. A MESSAGE REPEATED OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THE WORDS THEMSELVES SOUNDING TWISTED AND ALIEN—YOU WILL ATONE FOR ATROCITY. YOU WILL ATONE FOR ATROCITY. YOU WILL ATONE FOR ATROCITY.]
[CONFUSION. TERROR. CONFUSION. I HAVE DONE NOTHING—MY FAMILY HAS DONE NOTHING—MY PEOPLE HAVE DONE NOTHING—WE LIVE OUR LIVES QUIETLY IN THE SKY, HARMING NOTHING AND NO ONE—]
[AN EXPLOSION, THIS ONE LOUD ENOUGH TO LEAVE ME DEAF AND REELING—]
[FIRE—]
[PAIN—]
[BLACK SMOKE AND BLACKENED FEATHERS, A CRACKED AND CRUMBLING CRYSTAL SINKING SLOWLY TOWARD THE TOXIC SOIL BELOW AS I STRUGGLED TO STAY ALOFT, IGNORING THE SCREAMING OF MY BROKEN BONES—]
* * *
We awoke from disconcerting dreams, from visions as crisp and clear as memory—
(Though surely no Andalite ever witnessed such a thing with their own four eyes.)
—to see our war-prince kneeling beside us, a silver cylinder in his hand, the room around us new and unfamiliar.
Death.
We must have died—succumbed, finally, to the injuries we had sustained during Visser Three’s attack, or simply stayed past the time limit in morph.
And now we were alive again. Resurrected, through the power of Seerow’s technology.
“Welcome back, Aximili,” Jake said, his tone soft and full of warmth. “We weren’t sure if—we didn’t know whether to—”
‹A moment, please.›
We closed our eyes, turned our attention inward, to the tiny, floating mote that was our composite self, surrounded by the infinite, thundering silence of the empty eib.
There was Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, cadet and isolate, an Andalite stowaway lost on an alien world.
There was Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, still dain, but with boundaries blurred—dain and also something more, alive and mutable as no dain had ever been.
There was Thomas-Grant-Berenson, little more than a shadow—a cluster of triggered responses, fragments of memory—not a whole person, but the silhouette of one.
We huddled together, the three of us—a tiny, whispering chorus. We could see each other, feel each other, watch each other watching each other watching ourselves, the lines of thought and perspective twisting and weaving, blending and changing. It was strange, new, different—
(Different even from what it had been before, changed in response to the shock of death and rebirth.)
—and with the echoes of Temrash’s influence, but without Temrash’s presence, the three of us knew ourselves for the first time. Felt, for the first time, what it was to be ourselves—our unique collective identity, a palette of wants and fears and memories and capabilities shared by no other creature in all the universe.
‹Aximili is dead,› we said solemnly, our eyes opening.
Our war-prince drew back slightly, his brow furrowing in confusion and concern. Unbidden, the ritual of death rose in our mind, the part-of-us-that-was-Tom shaping the concepts into words that could be understood by human minds.
‹Aximili was the servant of his people,› we intoned. ‹He was the servant of his prince. He was the servant of honor.›
Prince Jake’s face relaxed as understanding dawned. The human child drew in a breath, and closed his own eyes.
‹Aximili’s voice was heard, and it lifted the chorus. Aximili’s feet moved, and they followed the Path. Aximili’s tail blade parted the vines. The grass Aximili found was clean, and nourishing, and he shared it with the people.›
A shiver passed through our body, and we felt the fresh and painless flex of uninjured muscles, the twitch of skin that was whole and unburned.
‹Aximili’s life was not his own. Aximili was one with the people. His life was given for the people, and for his prince, and for his honor. Aximili will be remembered.›
There was a silence. Then, as if in echo, Prince Jake murmured softly, “Aximili will be remembered.”
He opened his eyes and looked into our own for long moments, searching.
Finally, he spoke. “Do you have a name?” he asked, his tone cautious.
No, was the first thought that came to mind. We felt no absence where a name should be, no fundamental need for a label, a description, a calling-stick. And we truly were no longer Aximili, and we were also not simply Aximili-and-Elfangor-and-Tom. And soon we would reunite with Temrash—Temrash who would also not be Temrash, after communing with the rest of Telor—and we would be something yet different.
But there needed to be some concession, else communication would be needlessly complex—
(We are three that make one. Soon we will be four that make one.)
((It will change us.))
(In some ways, yes. In others, no. Still one chorus, in the end.)
Only a moment had passed, a span of time short enough that a human might not notice that we had paused to think. ‹How do you call among you the second chemical particle?› we asked. It was a word we had spoken before, but in the moment it eluded us—it lived in the part-of-us-that-was-Tom, and that part had been greatly reduced. ‹The one which floats in atmosphere, but does not burn—the one whose core may be composed of three parts or four, either one.›
“The second chemi—helium? Do you mean helium?”
‹Yes,› we replied, the part-of-us-that-was-Tom thrumming in recognition.
“Is that—your name now?”
A pause.
‹We will answer to it,› we said carefully. ‹We will endeavor to let it catch our attention.›
Another pause.
“Would you rather not have a name?”
We could sense our war-prince’s bewilderment, coupled with his desire-for-gentleness, his clear intention to avoid offense.
‹We do not have a name. It is not a question of desire. But we wish to cooperate. To be easy to cooperate with. Helium is a good…nickname. The comparison is amusing. It is apt in some ways and inapt in others.›
Our war-prince blinked slowly—once, twice, three times. His face tightened again, his teeth gnawing gently on his lower lip.
“Are you—okay?” he asked. “I mean, are you feeling all right?”
We raised our arms in the human gesture of confusion, feeling the trembling weakness of muscle atrophy. ‹It is strange, to wake up in this fashion,› we said.
Prince Jake nodded, waiting.
‹All of our memories are fabrications. They happened to another creature.›
Prince Jake frowned.
‹But we think we are—stable. We do not feel pain or confusion. The sickness of silence has not yet begun to take hold.›
The frown lessened, but did not go away.
“Helium,” Prince Jake said, sounding out the word with careful deliberation. “Do you remember me?”
‹Yes. You are Jake Berenson, our war-prince.›
“Still?”
‹Yes.›
“Do you—” He broke off. “What do you want? Overall?”
(He wonders if our goals have changed.)
((Have they?))
(((How would we know?)))
((((Did we truly understand them in the first place?))))
‹Peace,› we said. ‹Survival. And in service of those—victory.›
Our war-prince stared at us for a long time—long enough for us to think seven times seven thoughts. Then he raised the hand that held the silver cylinder.
“Do you know what this is?”
‹It is Temrash, formerly of Aftran, now of Telor. It was the Controller of Tom Berenson, and a part of Aximili. It saved Aximili’s life.›
The human child nodded. “Of Terra, not Telor,” he corrected. “A new coalescion, hidden in the jungle. Things got—a little complicated, while you were—well, since Tobias left, let’s say. But it says it’s an ally. Do you—uh—do you want it in your head?”
We paused. It was a new question. Aximili had wanted it inside Aximili’s head, and we were almost Aximili—
‹Yes,› we said.
“Do you want me to stay with you? While you—”
(He fears treachery on the part of the Yeerks.)
‹No. It will be fine. Thank you, Prince Jake.›
* * *
Excruciating anticipation. An agonizing closeness just shy of actual contact. A lover’s hand hovering, hesitating—
(The part-of-us-that-was-Aximili had never felt a lover’s touch, but understood anyway through Tom and Elfangor.)
‹Why do you hold yourself apart?› we asked, trying not to gasp. ‹Why do you not embrace?›
The thought flew out into the space between us, and the answer came back, as distant and colorless as human thought-speak.
‹We need to talk first,› said Temrash.
There was an echoing sensation, as if of laughter. ‹Not Temrash,› corrected the Yeerk. ‹Perdão, of the first pool of Terra. Though half of Temrash three-one-three makes up nearly half of me.›
Somehow, the voice made the vast silence all around us seem even more oppressive—the same silence that had nearly driven Aximili mad in the days before the meteor. We felt a wash of emotion—fear, longing, impatience.
‹Talk about what?› we asked.
‹What else is there to talk about? The war, of course. But there is more to the war than you know.›
There was a feeling of closeness, a slight pressure in the emptiness around us, as if Perdão had leaned in to whisper. ‹Tell me—how much time passed, on your world, between the invention of heavier-than-air flight and the first expedition to one of your moons?›
‹What?› we blurted, unbalanced by the sheer non-sequitur even as another part of our mind automatically retrieved the number.
‹That’s what we thought,› said Perdão. ‹More than three times what it took the humans. And their gravity is stronger than yours, their moon more distant.›
‹What is—›
‹It is the way of Yeerks to think slowly,› Perdão continued, ignoring our rising exasperation. ‹We live in darkness and silence, with only the most tenuous link to the outside world. Imagine if you could open your eyes for only a single second, each day—hear only one sound, smell only one smell. Every observation is precious to us, every memory reviewed, replayed, relived thousands upon thousands of times. We have learned to stretch our meager little experiences as far as they can go, to squeeze every drop of information and inference out of even the briefest of moments. What the humans call Newton’s laws of motion have been known to us since the dawn of our history. Not as equations, not as formal laws, but as instincts, intuitive truths. We could feel their obvious truth, woven throughout ten thousand million memories that all meshed seamlessly together, the same rules always in effect. And yet—›
Perdão paused, and it seemed that we could feel its sadness, feel a flicker of connection despite the mental distance it was imposing. ‹And yet, nothing on our world flies, and so we never thought to take to the skies. In one sense, we never even realized that there was a sky, until Seerow came down out of it.›
We remembered—from both inside and out—the parts-of-us-that-were-Aximili-and-Tom remembered hearing Temrash speak of it, on the hillside under the blood sky.
When I first saw the stars, I thought they were just specks. Like rocks in the sky. Gedd eyes—they don’t see well.
But that had been Temrash speaking as an individual. Perdão—this Yeerk that was both Temrash and Terra—it spoke as if it were a whole coalescion, its voice heavy with history and consequence.
‹What does this have to do with the war?› we asked, unable to keep the impatience from creeping into our voice. It was one thing to stand alone in the silence of the eib, but this—
Perdão was so close. The promise of embrace—of relief—was distracting, intoxicating, maddening. It took all of our willpower to remain even somewhat focused on the conversation, the more so given that we had no roadmap, no sense of where it was going.
(A part of us noted that we should find this unsettling—that our response was not merely the desire for closeness, the desire to break the silence, but something deeper, some deeper longing that was unlike anything we had known before our union with Temrash.)
((We noted that we should be unsettled, and yet we were not.))
‹Everything,› Perdão answered. ‹We have seen things, in our slowness—uncovered things you quick-thinkers have overlooked, things you ignore at your peril. Tell me, Andalite warrior—what do you know of the human concept of ‘superintelligence’?›
‹Nothing,› we snapped back. ‹Except what the words themselves mean. Why must we have this conversation at a distance? Why can you not just—›
‹You are less entwined than you think, child-that-has-named-itself-Helium. Elfangor does not fidget and whine. Has he become lost within Aximili?›
The words were like a sudden splash of cold water, cutting through the fog of distraction, snapping our attention inward.
It was true. Aximili was prominent, had stretched like a shroud over the motes that were Elfangor and Tom, his impatience coloring all of us—though the very act of observing the situation changed it, Aximili shrinking back as the others rose to the surface. We felt the desire for connection recede, becoming manageable, an unpleasant itch rather than a desperate hunger.
‹Temrash unsealed the gates within your mind,› Perdão said. ‹He eroded the walls that confine dain to a single corner of the brain, shaped a part of you into the shadow of Tom Berenson. But he did not create a new balance. When he left, he left you unstable. Incomplete.›
Unstable.
Incomplete.
Askew.
There was a wash of apology from the-part-of-us-that-was-Aximili, met by a nonchalant forgiveness from the rest of us. Our thoughts divided into two tracks, one of them following the implications of what Perdão had just told us, looking back on our recent past with fresh perspective. If it was true—and it certainly felt true—then Temrash had not merely influenced us while he was present; he had changed us, changed us on a deep and fundamental level. And that would mean—
Meanwhile, with the rest of our attention—
‹Superintelligence,› we said, returning to the original thread.
‹The humans theorize that it must be possible to build a machine which possesses at least all of the capabilities of the human brain—a computer which may perform any task a human brain may perform, at least as well as the most capable human brain can perform it. Indeed, in the worst case, they expect to achieve this by simulating a replica of the human brain, down to the ebb and flow of every last neurotransmitter, every cell and molecule.›
We felt a wave of nausea, of revulsion, rising up from our subconscious faster than any deliberate thought. Such a thing would be vile, profane—exactly counter to the Path—
‹Yes, the Path. We will speak of the Path. But first—you admit the possibility, yes? However much the idea offends, you see that the laws of nature permit it, just as they permit morph-clones such as yourself?›
‹Yes.›
‹And such a machine, if tasked with building a still-better thinking machine—one with fewer flaws and inefficiencies than a biological brain designed by natural selection—›
‹Yes. It would surely be capable of such a task.›
‹And would accomplish that task faster than a human would, by the second or third generation if not immediately. And then that intelligence could design a still greater and more efficient intelligence, which could design a still greater one—›
‹Yes.› We could see the argument now, sense where Perdão was going. ‹In theory, there would be no limits except those imposed by physics itself.› We paused. ‹Though such a process might easily take decades, or even centuries—›
‹Irrelevant. Don’t focus on the details of the concept itself. Focus on the creatures that envisioned it—the human thinkers that dreamed up such a possibility. They were quite concerned about the prospect—at least, the ones hailing from California were. They feared that such an intelligence might expand without limit—that it would be unstoppable, outclassing human ingenuity as surely as human ingenuity outclasses that of cows, or insects. That its goals would almost inevitably be incompatible with the goals of humans, and that it would sweep them aside—or worse, consume them entirely.›
We thought for a moment. ‹Such fears seem reasonable,› we said cautiously. ‹Though many other scenarios seem equally possible, at this level of detail—›
‹Listen. The detail is not the point. The accuracy of the theory is not the point. It doesn’t matter whether the humans’ beliefs about superintelligence are correct, or reasonable, or even possible. The point is that they conceived of the possibility. That they had the thought, at all, and then continued to think.›
‹We don’t understand.›
‹I know. That’s the problem. I am trying to turn your eye toward a place it has never looked, child-that-has-named-itself-Helium. Consider—now that you know about superintelligence—now that you have the concept, as humans do—are you afraid? Are you even concerned?›
‹Any such endeavor would take time,› we pointed out. ‹More time than the war is likely to permit—›
‹That is not the reason you are not afraid,› said Perdão. ‹You did not even check to see if that was the true reason. You simply spat out the thought as quickly as it occurred to you. Consider: human society is fragmented and chaotic. What if such a project was launched years ago, and has already reached its tipping point?›
‹Are you telling us that there is such a project?›
‹No, foolish child. This is a mere example, an illustrative allegory. I am trying to get you to look at yourself, child-that-has-named-itself-Helium.›
We bristled at the repetition, at the dismissive condescension. ‹What is it you want us to see, then?›
(And under the surface, our other train of thought continued, examining the changes wrought in us by Temrash, cataloging the ramifications and implications—)
‹Why have the Andalites developed no such technology?› Perdão demanded. ‹Why have you failed to develop even the theory of such a technology? Your species is, by any measure, centuries ahead of humankind. Yet were it not for this war, the humans would create artificial intelligence at least equal to their own within this century—and all before your people even conceived of the possibility. Why the gap?›
For the first time, there was a hint of discord, of disunity, the part-of-us-that-was-Tom seeming to pull away from Aximili and Elfangor, leaving room for something like mistrust in between. ‹Progress is not linear,› we said slowly, even as we heard the words through Tom’s ears, and felt our disquiet grow. ‹No two species develop the same technologies at the same rate, or in the same order—›
Listen, said the shadow of Tom Berenson. Do you hear it?
(Hear what?)
‹Where did those words come from?› Perdão asked. ‹What was the purpose being served by them? What was your mind trying to accomplish, when it produced them?›
We said nothing.
‹It is more than that,› Perdão insisted. ‹I do not know this, but I feel it. My intuition tells me that it must be true. Think—the human theories of superintelligence emerge straightforwardly from human study of computation and computability. Yet the Andalites have no such theories. None. Why not?›
‹Our brains are more developed than human brains,› we said—
(—and the ghost of Tom Berenson tried desperately to interrupt, not with words, but with a burst of concern, of alarm, a complex bundle of thought and perspective that might have been conveyed in human speech as See? See how quickly you’re answering, how little time you’re spending thinking about the question? You can’t possibly be actually hearing what Perdão is trying to say right now.)
‹—and you do not require the crutch of external computational power,› interrupted Perdão. ‹Yes—your mind is capable of feats of calculation that human minds cannot hope to perform. And what is the result of that?›
We said nothing. We could feel our hearts beating faster, feel our tail twitching as if it somehow sensed the presence of a threat.
‹The humans developed mechanical computers during wartime, as a tool for military cryptography. That was what opened the door—they needed to be able to encode secure communications, and crack the communications of their enemies.›
A rising uncertainty bordering on panic, a feeling as if our eyes were darting back and forth—
(Though all of our attention was inward.)
‹But your species was at peace with itself. The eib had unified you. And against outside enemies—your communications were already secure, since thought-speak cannot be intercepted. And you could solve complex mathematical equations in your head. Your people never felt the need for mechanical computers—never started down the path that ends with machines far more powerful than you.›
‹We have computers—›
‹You have gloves. You have puppets. You have machines which sit atop the Andalite mind and enhance it—slightly. They assist, respond, reflect, store. But they are nothing without a mind to animate them. And meanwhile—what happens to a muscle that is never exercised?›
‹What?›
‹What happens to a muscle, if it is left unused? How strong are your own legs, right now, after days and days of lying here comatose?›
We felt unbalanced, overloaded, unable to follow the leaps that Perdão was making.
‹It—they atrophy—›
‹Exactly. They wither and shrink.›
‹But—›
We attempted to rally. ‹But our minds don’t go unused,› we objected.
‹Not your minds as a whole,› said Perdão. ‹Your—your curiosity, your inventiveness, your idiosyncracy. Have you noticed that none of the species that have achieved spaceflight are natural fliers? There are birds and insects and gliders on many planets—some of them quite intelligent—and yet none of them have breached their atmospheres. It is only the groundlings that stretch and struggle—the groundlings that, having overcome the first boundary, turn their eyes to the second, and the third, and the fourth.›
‹What are you—›
‹You, child-that-has-named-itself-Helium. Your Andalite mind, your Andalite heritage. Your people enjoy technological superiority over every other species in this part of the galaxy. Your minds are capable of feats no other minds can match. You can calculate the digits of pi nearly as quickly as a human computer. But that power is narrow. It has been limited. The humans would call you savants, perhaps even idiot-savants. Overall, you are only modestly more intelligent than they, and their geniuses equal yours. You yourself could not replace Jake Berenson as war-prince, even though you are half-trained and he has had no training. And again—it took your people three times as long to make the leap from airflight to spaceflight. Do you begin to see, child-of-complacency?›
The frightening thing was—
We did.
It was Tom Berenson that led the way within our thoughts—a mere revenant, a twice-copied shadow of a human boy, but he pointed into the darkness where somehow our Andalite thoughts had never managed to find purchase.
We were smart. Andalites, that is. Smart enough—in theory—to recognize the boundaries of our own intelligence. To see its limits, and to see that it was possible to extend beyond them.
And yet—
We hadn’t. Had not, in part, because we had never gained faculty in the relevant domain—had never needed artificial computation as desperately as the humans, and so had not been driven by necessity to invent it. And in our travels throughout space, we had never met another creature smarter than ourselves, smart enough to inspire fear and caution, to force us to grow—
(A note of confusion, a sense of something not-quite-right—)
But that was not the only reason. There was also the Path—the Path, and its injunction against duplicate minds, its insistence that every thinking thing have its own unique pattern, its own singular voice. The Path, and the eib, which together fueled a curious incuriosity, a self-assured ignorance, a bold assertion that certain swathes of knowledge did not need to be known, could be confidently dismissed as not a part of the forward movement of the people—
‹Yes, the Path,› Perdão said. ‹Where did it come from? What purpose does it serve?›
It was a question we had never thought to ask—and it was a question whose failure to ask we had never thought to question, either. But now, looking in through the eyes of the-part-of-us-that-was-Tom, we could see the strangeness in the way our thoughts curved smoothly around it, a perfect blindspot that neither Aximili nor Elfangor had ever perceived—
‹Strange,› we murmured. ‹Even now, we are thinking that the question is nonsense. That the Path requires no justification, because it is the Path.›
(The part-of-us-that-was-Tom shuddered, less in response to our immediate circumstances and more as a reaction to a sense of what-might-have-been, to how narrow seemed the margin by which we had dodged some deeper trap.)
‹This is not natural, child-that-has-named-itself-Helium. Something has made your people like this.›
A part of us flagged the assertion as conjecture, began thinking of counterarguments, alternative explanations—resisted the urge to jump, unjustified, to any sort of conclusion.
‹You know this for a fact?› we asked, even as we felt prickles of sweat beneath our fur.
‹Know?› said Perdão. ‹We know nothing. We have only guesses, pieced together from fragments and scraps. But we have more of those scraps than ever before, and what we have learned from the humans leaves us—unsettled. The state of your species—it is too precarious, too perfectly balanced, too convenient for the drama that is playing out right now, in this very system. To what end, were you made this way? All of your vast potential, and nearly all of it untapped—all of your superior technology, and none of it put to any sort of ambitious use—and then a single provocateur comes along, and half the galaxy is levered into war? And more shocking still, a balanced war? A war with outcome uncertain, with no side possessed of overwhelmingly superior force? Our human hosts would not have credited it, had they not been living it themselves.›
A single provocateur—
Our other line of thought returned, converged, surged to the forefront—the part of us that had been devoted entirely to pondering the question of our nature, and how that nature had been affected by contact with Temrash.
Visser Three.
Visser Three, the Abomination.
Visser Three—before us, the only known Andalite Controller, and the only other Andalite to have left the Path as we had—
No, wait.
‹Seerow?› we whispered.
It was not a question. It was spoken without thought, without effort, the name forcing its way out of our mind, the possibility too huge to contain in silence.
The morphing technology—the experiments with the Yeerks—Seerow’s Kindness, which led to Alloran’s Fall—
If what is happening to us also happened to the Visser—if the boundary between Yeerk and Andalite always degrades—
The part-of-us-that-was-Elfangor surfaced a relevant fact—that Seerow’s expedition had called for aid from the surface—
(Instead of from orbit, as was protocol.)
—that by the time another ship arrived, Seerow’s own vessel had already been deconstructed, repurposed into a laboratory on the edge of the water—or so the scientist claimed—
‹Was Seerow a secret Controller?› we asked.
Three Andalites who each left the Path. If there was some force that—contained—Andalite thought and ambition, something in our biology or culture that curtailed innovation and heresy alike, something that was broken by the introduction of a Yeerk—
‹Perdão,› we said. ‹Was there a crash? Was Seerow a Controller?›
A long moment passed before Perdão’s reply. ‹We don’t know,› it said.
There was shakiness in its tone. Feigned? Or genuine?
It doesn’t matter.
The insights were coming more quickly, now—more and more confusions emerging from the dark space where we had been previously uninterested in looking.
(It was vanishingly unlikely that Yeerk biology would naturally be compatible with every known species, with species descending from a dozen unique evolutionary lineages—)
((We had experienced a melding with Temrash, a union exquisitely unlike that described by the humans, the Naharans, the Garatrons, the Gedd—))
(((There was no theoretical limit to intelligence except physical law, and each intelligent species had evolved in its own particular context, with its own unique set of pressures and constraints—)))
(—and yet that was exactly what had happened; it did not seem to matter that Hork-Bajir brains were built on RNA instead of DNA, or that the Ongachic did their thinking in proteins rather than in neurons, or that Leeran neural tissue somehow did its processing in Z-space rather than in normal space, Yeerk flesh was compatible with all of them, able to dominate all of them—)
((—it had brought the dain of Elfangor almost to life, and somehow given us a permanent imprint of Tom Berenson—had even seemed to draw Temrash himself in toward something more closely approximating symbiosis than control—))
(((—one would expect intelligence either to rise to a viable minimum, just-enough-to-survive-and-compete, or to rise without limit, if some runaway process continued to confer a net survival advantage at every step. And in either case, one would expect animals evolving in completely independent contexts to arrive at wildly different levels of effective intelligence. If you brought together the most intelligent species from a dozen completely independent worlds, you would expect orders of magnitude of difference between them, just as there were orders of magnitude of difference in intelligence between species on the same world. Yet the average Hork-Bajir was not that much dumber than the average human, and the average Andalite was not that much smarter. They were all clustered together within a narrow range—a suspiciously narrow range, now that we bothered to make the comparison at all—)))
(—it was like the Yeerks were made to work with every species, like they had been carefully designed to be universally compatible.)
((—it was like the Yeerks were made to live inside an Andalite mind, like the Andalite brain was designed to unlock their true potential, and to be unlocked by them in turn.))
(((—it was like the Yeerks and the humans and the Andalites and the Hork-Bajir and all of the rest had been made to fight each other, had been carefully manipulated throughout their development such that no one species would be overwhelmingly more powerful than the others, as Andalites were overwhelmingly more powerful than any other species on our homeworld, and humans on theirs.)))
‹All of these thoughts,› Perdão whispered. ‹You are not incapable of thinking them. There is no road block. And I have not fully engaged with you yet—you see? You are thinking these things of your own accord, unassisted. Yet without that first push—›
‹We simply would not have,› we said. And it was true. Having now been diverted out of the run of our usual thoughts, we could see that they would have stayed within the same narrow, well-worn channel, if not for Perdão’s influence. Like the Chancellor, whose mind had flexed in the face of our pressure—flexed, and then snapped back into shape.
And if not for our own history. If not for Temrash and Tom Berenson, and Prince Jake, and Elfangor’s desertion, and Aximili stowing away to follow him—the right individuals, in exactly the right places, at exactly the right times—
We felt a chill run down our spine.
‹Yes,› said Perdão. ‹Now we reach the heart of it.›
There was a brief unfolding, a narrow conduit of thought that blossomed to reveal a trio of memories, sitting side by side in the vast and empty eib.
We saw through the eyes of Tom Berenson—sliding down a gentle hill on a skateboard one moment, and then suddenly, without the slightest transition, without even any sensation to mark what had been done to him, lying on his back on a mountaintop a hundred miles away.
We saw through the eyes of Tobias Yastek—Tobias, wearing my brother’s body—as he blinked and found himself standing on two legs, the city of Washington D.C. having vanished and been replaced with the underground pool of the Ventura YMCA. We watched as he walked, horrified, through the frozen hellscape, past fire and smoke frozen so solidly they looked like they might cut.
We saw through the eyes of Peter Levy, as his desk and computer vanished, as all of the sounds around him vanished, replaced by green grass and open skies.
The connection was obvious. ‹The Ellimist,› we said grimly.
‹Yes.›
‹You did not know of its existence.›
‹Not until Ruhak of Telor joined with Tobias Yastek in Brazil. We knew that Peter Levy did in fact reach the other half of Telor in orbit—that Essak delivered to Telor all of its knowledge and memories. But the pipeline of information between space and the surface is slow and limited. The Visser watches everything. And Telor does not know of us, for our own safety, and so we cannot coordinate a response.›
‹A response?›
Perdão exploded, a wave of sheer emotional power that filled the eib and left us reeling. ‹YES!› it screamed. ‹A response! Jesus everloving FUCK, how can you know about this—how can a whole SPECIES know of something like this and simply—go on?›
The sudden volume of the outburst—the violence of it—came like a physical shock. We felt our muscles tense again, felt our tail blade twitch as alert-hormones flowed into our bloodstream.
‹Good! Finally, a reaction.›
Our thoughts divided again, one thread following Perdão’s accusation, our alleged complacency—was it truly irresponsible, suspicious, wrong? We had been unconscious in the pool, after all—might have responded differently given direct exposure to the Ellimist—or then again, maybe not, since the Ellimist was a known quantity, a part of the mythos of our childhood, and therefore not utterly unexpected—
The-part-of-us-that-was-Tom radiated suspicion.
(But the humans seemed almost as complacent—)
((No less suspicious? Besides, half of all humans are already convinced that their lives are under the control of a deity—))
(Which is also suspicious, and convenient, in context.)
‹Your people have no god-stories, then?› we asked.
‹None,› Perdão answered.
Meanwhile, another part of our attention was focused on reviewing all that we knew of the Ellimist, remembering for Perdão’s benefit—all that the humans had remembered it saying, everything we recalled from Elfangor’s partial memories, every legend and fairy tale from our youth. And always the key claim—that the Ellimist, in its omniscience, could never be defeated, never outmaneuvered, never tricked. That no matter what you did, the Ellimist always won.
(For the first time, it occurred to us to question where this belief had come from, and why it was held so absolutely. The-part-of-us-that-was-Tom offered up a snippet of stick-speak, a few brief sounds with their accompanying meaning—cui bono?)
At the same time, a third train of thought was busy trying to work through the implications for the larger game—what these new discoveries meant about the war, and about Visser Three, and our own future, and the future of the Yeerks and the Andalites and the humans—
‹Stop,› said Perdão.
We stopped, turning our attention inward once more.
‹We may have found something—incongruous.›
Memories unspooled again, flickers of recollection—
Tobias—one moment in his own body in the Yeerk pool, the next returned to Washington, D.C., back in the body of my brother.
Jake—one moment in his own body in the Yeerk pool, the next rising up from the ground, from nothingness, as if demorphing from the body of a flea, except there was no flea, there was only himself.
Marco—one moment himself, the next moment rising from nothing.
Rachel—one moment grizzly bear, the next moment rising.
Garrett—one moment half-human, half-gorilla, fumbling with a Dracon beam. The next moment—
Lying on the hillside, fully human?
They were memories drawn from our sharing on the mesa, the night that each of us stepped into the minds of the others.
Marco, his vision slowly sharpening as his eyes finished forming, as beside him the forms of Jake and Rachel swelled upward from the ground, but there in front of him—
The body of Aximili, broken and bleeding but fully formed.
The body of Garrett, pushing itself to hands and knees.
Two glowing domes of light, but a moment before—had that been Dad? And Tom?
‹Why the differences?›
But even as we uttered the words, our mind made the connection.
‹Morph,› Perdão whispered. We could feel their presence in the eib, as if they were standing beside us, looking over our shoulder. ‹Those of you who were in morph—demorphed, somehow, there was no body but you demorphed anyway. And those of you who were not in morph were simply brought.›
Prince Jake’s face—Tobias’s knuckles—
‹Yes. Look. There is no damage to Prince Jake’s face—none at all.›
Prince Jake had almost certainly noticed this at the time, but there had been so much else going on, so many other things to deal with—
‹We never questioned it. Any of it—›
‹There is more,› Perdão said. ‹Look—only those of you in morph participated in the discussion with—with the avatar. Aximili was not in morph, and was not included. Garrett was only partially morphed, and was not included.›
‹But what about Rachel?› we countered. We could clearly picture her, in memories borrowed from Prince Jake, from Tobias, from Marco. ‹Rachel was in grizzly bear morph, and so should have been present. Why the—no, wait. That is explained by the prophecy. Rachel is not one of the salient four.›
Again the flag, the sudden clarity, the sense of a question we should have asked long, long ago—who originated the prophecy, and for what purpose was it given to us?
Perdão was silent for a moment. ‹Consider—just as a theory—what if the conversation with the avatar never actually took place? What if—hypothetically—it was all an illusion?›
Illusion?
But again, by the time we had formulated the thought, we were already beginning to see.
‹A tap on the morphing interface,› we said. ‹Interference with the input-output channel between the construct body and the emulated controlling intelligence—›
‹—allowing Prince Jake and the others to see and hear and feel and remember, but with no physical evidence afterward. No bloody knuckles, no black eyes.›
Is this more frightening? we wondered. Or less?
‹If it is true,› Perdão said, ‹then it is evidence at least of less omnipotence. A truly omnipotent being would be careless of the difference between stopping time, and creating an illusion of stopped time. But an illusion would almost certainly be cheaper.›
‹Unless all of these are hints, left deliberately in our path, and that is what we are meant to conclude,› we countered.
There was a silence, and then a sensation of gathering will, like a fighter settling into a balanced stance. ‹Either way, we are left with the same question,› Perdão said. ‹What are we going to do?›
A memory rose to the surface, unbidden—passed to us by Marco in the sharing at the mesa. We saw Elfangor’s body as if from the outside, heard the strange transliteration of his voice in our heads.
I will say only this, came the echo of our brother’s voice. That we are each of us here by design, moved into place as surely as a pawn upon a chessboard. That I did not tell you this before—that I find myself moved to tell you now—that the true nature of the morphing technology has given us the chance to have a second conversation at all—each of these events were plotted, predicted. They are steps in a calculation, branches on the tree of possibility, and it takes a greater mind than mine to see the final outcome.
And then the words of Marco, remembered as if we were speaking them ourselves:
God dammit, what are we supposed to do with that?
‹The standard advice,› we said slowly—
(—wondering for the first time where the standard advice had come from, and whether it was in fact wise to heed it.)
‹—is to carry on exactly as you would have. To make no change to your behavior.›
Perdão gave no answer in words, instead radiating mockery, skepticism, disbelief. An image cohered in the darkness—chess pieces swept carelessly into a drawer—some of them broken—others lost beneath furniture, collecting dust—
‹Besides,› said Perdão. ‹Even if we were content to merely play our roles—at this point, we have no hope without divine intervention.›
‹What? Why?›
‹Surely you must have realized by now, even if not before?›
There was a grim silence, and then suddenly Perdão was with us, began to expand and enfold and fuse with us, the empty eib coming alive with light and sound. Doorways opened, and thoughts unfurled, and we looked—
Saw—
Understood—
* * *
“Do you have any concrete, non-circumstantial evidence for any of this?”
We shook our head—our human head, our first new morph, a composite of the three human boys in front of us. “No,” we said. “But then, you wouldn’t expect there to be a lot of proof lying around, right? Like, ordinarily you wouldn’t want to say ‘aha, no proof, that’s proof of a competent criminal!’ Too paranoid. But this is Visser Three we’re talking about.”
Prince Jake sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, turned wearily to look at Marco.
“I mean, it does kind of make sense,” Marco said. “It’s not like it’s the only answer, there are half a dozen other things he might be up to that fit pretty much just as well. But you gotta admit—it sounds like him.”
Telor had only drips and drabs of information, and Terra still less. But the Yeerk talent for extrapolation was real—had to be real, given their evolutionary history—and together with what we already knew, the picture they painted was frightening, rather than merely plausible.
Visser Three had been attempting to reverse engineer the morphing technology, piece by piece, and had at least succeeded at recreating the blank-Yeerk control mechanism, as demonstrated by his ability to control multiple bodies at once.
Visser Three had appeared before the humans in a custom-built proxy body resembling a cross between an Andalite and an Earth deer—a feat possible through use of the morphing technology, yet it had not been a morph, and had died in human custody.
Visser Three had taken hundreds of human teenagers—every member of Prince Jake’s high school that had not already been previously infested by Aftran—to his private facility on Mars, a facility that no shard of Aftran or Telor had ever been permitted to visit.
Visser Three had launched a quiet but massive attack on the Chee house outside of Washington D.C. mere hours after our failed attempt to ambush him in Montana—the house where Jake, Marco, Tobias, and David had believed that Garrett had left the Iscafil device. Terra did not know the results of that raid, since it had been conducted entirely with Silat Controllers—the same Controllers that had been “guarding” Telor in Brazil.
Visser Three had been visiting dozens of remote sites on every continent on Earth, for purposes unknown—possibly related to the retroviral manipulation that had left two thirds of the human species capable of producing their own kandrona, but possibly not.
Visser Three’s ship had returned over and over again to the same coordinates—a position just outside of the Earth’s orbit, roughly equivalent to where the Earth would be in twenty-four local cycles—and had come back every time lighter, having launched or abandoned some unknown form of payload.
Visser Three had reportedly been spotted outside of the Earth system—
(Perdão had confirmed what Essak had previously told us—)
((What, we realized, we had forgotten, had simply failed to adequately process, and thus failed to take into account at a number of critical decision points—))
(—that the Earth system had been, for months, completely cut off from the wider galaxy, separated by a spherical Z-space rift of unknown size and origin. It explained much, on more careful consideration—the Visser’s apparently single-minded focus on the humans, to the detriment of the Yeerks’ wider war effort; the anomalous effectiveness of the Serenity device, which otherwise would not have worked, being a single-point detector; the failure of Lirem’s meteor to make impact—)
((It was shameful—chilling—almost incomprehensibly distressing. We had known—Essak had told Aximili of the rift, and still we had not made the connection at the critical moment, that Chancellor Lirem’s threat was empty, that the rift would protect Earth from Z-space bombardment. We had not yet even begun to process the magnitude of that error—were not sure which was worse, the prospect of mental interference or the possibility that we had committed such an oversight entirely on our own—))
(((It went without saying that none of this served to soothe our growing concern over the Ellimist.)))
—multiple times, with some of the sightings taking place while he was physically present on board the Telor mothership. It was not known whether these were true clones, or independently piloted puppet bodies, but given the distances involved, even puppet bodies would mean some new and unheard-of technological breakthrough.
Visser Three had ceased demanding tribute from Telor, as he had since the death of Aftran—as he had demanded from Aftran since being placed in charge of the Earth expeditionary fleet. The flow of sacrificial Yeerks had stopped entirely, and it was not known whether that meant he was now taking them from Silat, or whether he no longer needed them at all.
Visser Three had been fomenting discord and chaos within the larger Yeerk command structure—Terra was not clear on all of the details, but Visser One had been deposed and had vanished from custody prior to a court martial. Logistical and tactical operations for the greater war effort were still intact, but strategic command was in shambles, and the Andalite military was resurgent in two of five sectors.
Visser Three had been conducting experiments in deep space—a patrol ship had, by chance, encountered a mass of biological waste, irradiated and frozen in the darkness, along a path roughly corresponding to one taken by the Visser’s ship a few hours earlier. Further analysis determined that the mass was Yeerk flesh, with unknown biological, chemical, and mechanical additives. More disturbing still, when a tiny surviving shard from the center of the mass was implanted within a human host, it had responded in small but detectable ways to words like Visser, Esplin, Alloran, and Cirran while showing no response whatsoever to words like Aftran, human, Earth, or spaceship.
All of this and more—a hundred tiny observations, countless hints and clues, each observation a new puzzle piece. Our conclusions were tentative. Under-justified. Outlandish, even. But given everything that we knew of Esplin nine-four-six-six—
(—as Aximili, as Elfangor, as a member of the vast and ancient Yeerk species—)
Conclusion one: the next milestone in the Visser’s overall plan was the creation of an army of Esplin clones, each with control of multiple bodies—possibly genetically enhanced bodies.
“Correction,” said Marco. “It sounds like the evil plan of some villain from a cheesy Saturday morning cartoon. But I’m very much not okay with how possible you’re making it sound.”
Which led to conclusion two: the Visser could no longer be stopped by conventional means.
(We had thought that this might be the more difficult argument to win—that the humans would be skeptical of the possibility, and slow to acknowledge the risk. But Marco had seen the logic of it immediately, and Prince Jake and Tobias soon after. If you were ambitious, intelligent, strongly motivated by survival instinct, and had access to partial morph tech, cloning, unbelievably sophisticated bioengineering expertise, and interstellar spaceflight, then obviously one of the very first things you would do would be to arrange for copies of yourself to be sent to safe and faraway locations. Dormant copies, perhaps—triggered by a dead man’s switch—or active copies, if you were already confident in your ability to coordinate and cooperate with yourself.)
((It was a hypothesis that any one of us could have come to at any time during the previous days and months. We had possessed all of the necessary information, if we had ever bothered to sit down and truly think things through from the Visser’s perspective. Yet we had not. It was not clear to us whether this was an artifact of direct intervention, a product of the high pressure and constant distraction of the war effort, or a simple—))
(((—mundane—)))
((((—embarrassing—))))
(((((—depressingly commonplace—)))))
((—failure to do the obvious thing.))
Conclusion three, then, was as followed: insofar as our reasoning was valid, then the solution to the threat posed by the Visser—
(Who we had furthermore assumed to be unreceptive to negotiation.)
—would require effective action across an unknown number of star systems, targeting an unknown—
(And possibly literally unknowable.)
—number of sleeper agents, armed with unknown capabilities and tasked with unknown objectives.
Which meant that our options were extremely limited.
Continue a pointless struggle.
Give up and accept defeat.
Attempt to secure some form of divine intervention.
Or—
“This quantum virus thing you mentioned,” said Prince Jake. “Give us the long version.”
We shrugged our shoulders. “It’s not that complicated,” we said. “At least, the concept isn’t; we couldn’t build one ourselves. Basically, any configuration of matter—any set of atoms, molecules, cells, whatever—has an inverse, a complement, a dual. There exists a Z-particle for any given particle, a Z-object for any given object, such that the Z-object will generate an attractive force that draws its real-space complement into Z-space. Like a magnet pulling on an iron filament. To construct a quantum virus, you use a set of fields to cohere and stabilize the desired Z-particle in Z-space, and then—poof.”
“Poof?”
“The first Z-particle pulls a complementary particle into Z-space, inverting it in the process. Now you have two Z-particles, and those two pull in two more, giving you four, then eight, then sixteen, and so on.”
“From where?” asked Marco.
“It doesn’t matter. The correspondence between Z-space and normal space isn’t straightforwardly linear. If the dual particle exists anywhere in real space, the Z-particle will find it.”
“Does the reaction ever stop?” asked Tobias.
“Eventually. The early tests were done with a set of artificially complex proteins, specifically designed to be unlike any known biological ones—just in case. We scattered caches of them all over known space, and the virus took them all out pretty quickly. And when we fabricated more of the original particles a week later, those didn’t get pulled into Z-space. Our scientists theorized that the Z-particles don’t remain stable for very long, and so eventually the virus degrades and dissipates. But—”
We hesitated. “One time, it stayed stable, and no one knows why. To this day, every time we synthesize more of that particular particle, it gets pulled into Z-space almost immediately.”
“Which is not at all completely fucking terrifying,” Marco muttered.
Prince Jake’s jaw was clenched tight. “So the idea here—”
“—would be to code a quantum virus to some unique Visser Three identifier,” we said. “Genetic material is the obvious choice—find a sequence unique to Esplin nine-four-six-six, and the virus will rip those genes right out of every cell. In theory, we can be arbitrarily precise. Some scientists originally proposed using the process for gene therapy and genetic engineering. But—”
We felt our mouth go dry after the fashion of humans, and swallowed. “It turns out that the Z-particles don’t just straightforwardly break down. In some cases, there can be mutation first. If one of them happens to deform such that it matches some other similar particle in real space, the whole reaction starts all over again. And the smaller the particle, the higher the risk of mutation.”
“Smaller?”
We nodded. “In theory, there exists a Z-particle whose complement is you—a complex construct that matches every atom and molecule in your body. And there are unlikely to be many constructs that almost match you—most perturbations of your complement won’t match anything at all. Too specific, you see? But even setting aside the fact that your molecular composition is in constant flux, it takes an almost unimaginable amount of power and computation to cohere a stable Z-Jake in the first place. It’s much more feasible to shoot for something the size of a single gene. But constructs that small—it takes very little mutation for them to harmonize with some non-target object. Two genes are much more alike than two humans. Close genetic relatives are at high risk, and if the virus spreads to them, that just gives it more opportunities to mutate further. The range of possibilities is wide, but the most likely outcome—”
Our mouth was dry again. “The most likely outcome is the eradication of all members of the target species. The target genus, in some cases. Conceivably, the entire genetic molecule, and any organism from the same evolutionary lineage.”
There was a silence as Prince Jake, Marco, and Tobias each avoided looking at anything in particular.
“I take it this was being developed as a weapon against the Yeerks?” said Marco, with a tone of forced indifference.
“Yes. And—we can’t be sure, but—”
We hesitated. This was another of the insights from Perdão, insufficiently justified but with the unmistakable feel of truth—
“A few weeks ago—when we made contact with Chancellor Lirem-Arrepoth-Terrouss—the war was not going well for the Andalites. For him to even consider using Z-space bombardment against an enemy stronghold—it smacks of desperation, even outright panic. But now—Terra’s most recent intel shows that the Andalites have rallied. They’ve launched two new offensives and are on the verge of taking back Desbadeen. If you look at it from the Visser’s point of view—”
“He’s playing politics,” said Prince Jake.
“Or at least might be. If the Visser were confident that any temporary losses could be recouped later, it would make more sense to reduce the pressure on the Andalites in the short term. Lull them into a false sense of security, make them less likely to think of desperate and dangerous options as viable or necessary. In fact, if the Chancellor did ultimately launch a meteor, despite Marco’s broadcast—there are only so many points from which the Andalites can directly observe the Earth system. It’s conceivable that the Visser might have even faked evidence of a successful impact, just to further soothe Andalite anxiety.”
“Jesus Christ,” Marco muttered. “Kind of lets the air out of our previous conversation.”
We looked back and forth between the three boys.
“Tobias—found something,” Prince Jake said. “During the raid on the pool in Brazil.”
“Ah,” we said. “The Chee device.”
Prince Jake blinked.
“Ruhak of Telor became a part of Terra, and Perdão of Terra is a part of us,” we reminded. “May we see it?”
Tobias reached into a pocket, drew out something small and brightly colored, and tossed it toward us. “You can try,” he said. “I put tape on it so we wouldn’t lose it.”
We caught it. It was a heavy, solid object—roughly cylindrical and slightly tapered at one end, approximately the size and shape of an adult human finger. It appeared to be made of metal, cool to the touch despite having been in Tobias’s pocket. It had very little texture—just one circular groove in a ring around the center, and what felt like a rounded button on the thicker end.
It was also completely invisible. Tobias had affixed a loop of colored tape between the button and the groove, and for all that our eyes could tell us, that loop of tape was hovering in midair as we held the object between our thumb and forefinger.
“Feel free to press the button all you want,” Tobias added wearily. “If it does anything, it’s already done it a hundred times.”
We turned over the object in our hands—
“This vibration.”
“Yeah. It vibrates when you point it toward—well—”
“Fucking Mecca, as far as we can tell,” Marco said, his own voice just as weary as Tobias’s. “But we’re pretty far away, and we don’t exactly have protractors and sextants. Could be anything between Iraq, Italy, and Sudan.”
“I did a little Googling,” Jake said. “There’s some evidence that dogs were first domesticated from wolves in the Middle East, which sounds like something the Chee might care about. Calypso Deep—I was thinking about how Tobias found Ax, and the deepest trench in the Mediterranean Sea is right in the middle of that triangle. And Jerusalem is still fortified, and taking in refugees—I don’t know what they’re thinking, they couldn’t stop the Yeerks if the Yeerks wanted to get in, but so far Visser Three has left them alone.”
“Or it could have nothing to do with any of that,” said Marco.
We handed the object back to Tobias. “And the Chee haven’t attempted to make contact since?”
“No. Meaning that little vibration is the only clue we have. We were just debating the merits of a field trip when you woke up.”
(No Chee also meant that Garrett Steinberg and Rachel Berenson would not have received surgical help to emerge from their morph comas, which would explain their absence from the conversation.)
((We looked at the faces of the three human boys and decided not to seek confirmation for that particular guess.))
“Are we confident the Chee aren’t tracking us?” we asked.
“No,” said Marco. “We haven’t seen them, and we’ve damn sure looked. Tobias kept an eye out, too, on his way back to us. But they could be keeping their distance for any number of reasons, and we’ve got to assume they can track that little doohickey.”
We thought quietly for a moment. “There were six Chee with you on the mission to Montana—”
“No clue. We know precisely dick about what went down out there, other than the fact that none of us came back. Although given the way David came in shooting, it seems like Visser Three wasn’t all that keen on taking prisoners. Our best guess is that Erek and Rictic and the rest are all piled up in a lab somewhere, possibly in pieces.”
“Given the way the Chee reacted to Tobias in Brazil, it seems like they’re still on our side,” said Prince Jake.
Marco scoffed, pushed his hands into his pockets, kicked idly at the floor. “But who knows,” he said. “’Course, if it turns out they’re not on our side, we’re already fucked, so fuck it. Pretty much standard operating procedure at this point, right?”
There was a long silence after that—a silence that every part of us recognized, Tom and Elfangor and Perdão and Aximili, familiar in its empty heaviness. It was the silence of discouragement, of demoralization—of having no reason to expect that the next words spoken would matter, and therefore no motive to be the one to speak them.
We looked at the faces of the three human boys, the varying mixtures of exhaustion, anger, bitterness, resignation. We felt a complex fugue of emotion in response—empathy, cold appraisal, squirming discomfort, rising urgency. We noted our own hesitant uncertainty and turned inward, hoping to acquire some sense of purpose, some kind of goal or agenda for the conversation.
What do we actually want?
It was not a thought in the normal sense. It was more of a force, a restless pressure emerging equally from each of our constituent parts, pointing in no particular direction.
A way out.
(We realized, then, that a part of us had been holding secretly to the hope that Prince Jake would have the answer, would take from us the burden of responsibility—)
((And not merely Aximili and Tom; not merely our younger, weaker parts.))
(—and even as we made a conscious effort to relinquish that hope, a memory arose, the echo of another day of confusion and despair.)
You will have to be strong, the dain of our brother had said. But more than that, you will have to be clever. You will have to be unpredictable, even to me. Even to Alloran. You will have to leave the Path, become like the wind in thought and deed, or you will find them waiting for you wherever you strike.
If we were to find a new way out of this situation, it would require movement in a new direction. A new dimension, even—would require leaving the plane of the board game and striking out vertically.
Poetry and metaphor. But what does it mean, in plain speech?
What would we actually do?
Boycott? Suicide?
Those were not possibilities the Ellimist would have failed to consider.
But the goal isn’t to outwit the Ellimist. What we need to do is trade with it.
Unless it had contrived that we would think that thought, was even now pulling our strings—
No. On reflection, we didn’t care. What we wanted—
An end to the threat posed by Visser Three.
—that was self-determination enough. Even if our present sense of free will was an illusion, it was a better illusion by far than direct enslavement, or outright oblivion.
Can the Ellimist be bargained with?
Another memory rose to the surface—Cassie Withers, as seen through the eyes of Prince Jake, of Tobias, of Marco—Cassie, purchasing the lives of Tom Berenson and Peter Levy and Erek-the-Chee—
(And by extension the lives of Essak and Temrash and all of the Chee within the impact zone and ultimately Aximili and us—)
((In many ways it was reasonable to say that the entire war had hinged upon that one single moment, that Cassie’s sacrifice—))
(((Her sacrifice specifically—not just the general rescue offered by the Ellimist, but the negotiated extension of it to individuals beyond the Animorphs proper, beyond even each of the Animorphs’ plus-ones—)))
((—was causally upstream of every other victory we had achieved since, the broadcast and the oatmeal and all of it—))
“I have this thought,” murmured Tobias.
The words were softly spoken, but they crashed like meteors into the silence, forcibly dragging our attention back to the outside world.
Tobias—who, we had been told, was now Tobias-and-Maninho, and therefore also a voice of Terra—looked at each of us in turn, and shrugged. “Just that—if Ax—if Helium, sorry—if he’s right, and Visser Three is making a bunch of clones. Um. It wouldn’t take all that many before he could make a coalescion all by himself.”
There was a moment in which the-parts-of-us-that-were-Aximili-and-Perdão each shuddered in revulsion, their responses curiously similar given the difference in their fundamental objections.
No mind should have so many voices, whispered the lingering lessons of Aximili’s youth.
No coalescion should have so few—so few colors, said Perdão’s Yeerkish instincts.
“I thought he was against that?” Prince Jake wondered.
“He is,” we confirmed. “He became—guarded—very quickly. But in his earliest days, when he spoke more freely, he was heard to express fear of dissolution—fear of losing his unique self in the sharing.”
“Which, to be fair, would absolutely have happened,” Tobias pointed out.
“It would be different if they were all him, though, right?” Marco asked. “I mean, he kind of has to do something like form a coalescion, or else all his different copies will eventually drift, right? Become different people? Not to mention that there’s not much point in taking over the galaxy if most of you is stuck cleaning toilets in the Citadel of Ricks.”
Prince Jake frowned. So did Tobias.
“Helium,” Tobias said. “If—sorry, what’s your Yeerk’s—I mean, the part of you that came from Terra, what’s it called?”
“Perdão.”
“Right. Uh. When—if Perdão were to leave your head. It wouldn’t be you, right? It can’t carry all of you with it.”
“No. It would be more like—us—than it was before our own little sharing. But it would carry away fragments, at best. Impressions. Like a mold. No—no color, no depth, no structure behind the outline.”
“And you said—the thing you’re doing, it’s more of like a joint thing, right? Like it’s you and Perdão?”
“Yes,” we answered. “But—the Visser—Esplin is much larger than Perdão. More in control. And Alloran is surely not a willing participant in symbiosis.”
“After all this time, who knows,” Marco murmured.
We glared, and he shrugged. “I’m not going to not say it,” he declared. “And I’m not going to not think it, either. We don’t know what the hell kind of mind games a Yeerk can pull off with—what is it, now—two or three years of total, uninterrupted access. And you said yourself that Andalite minds are vulnerable, without other Andalite minds present. Pretty sure if I could push someone’s orgasm button whenever I felt like for three years, I could clicker train them into whatever shape I wanted.”
“Human brains are vastly less complex than Andalite—”
“Enough,” said Prince Jake, mildly. “Same team.”
We closed our mouth.
“Tobias? You were saying?”
“Uh. If. I’ll go ahead and grant it’s a pretty big if. But if the Visser Three we know isn’t just Esplin—if Esplin and Alloran have combined, or even just rubbed off on each other a bit—it might be that he’s not comfortable crawling out of Alloran’s head, even into a coalescion full of Esplin clones. ‘Cause that’s still—still dying, right? Or dissolving, or whatever? Like, that’s still breaking apart the Visser Three fusion back into Esplin and Alloran.”
He held up his hands. “I’m just saying. A—Helium, sorry—Helium has a point. About thinking it through all the way, taking it seriously from the enemy’s point of view. Like, what if he’s not content with an army of clones? What would he do then?”
There was a heavy silence.
“Shit,” said Marco.
“What?”
“A fire upon the deep.”
“What?” asked Prince Jake, just as Tobias swore.
“You get it?” Marco asked.
Tobias nodded, grimly.
“What?” Prince Jake repeated.
“A—Helium said that there was other stuff in that Yeerk flesh, out in space. The stuff Telor picked up, that Visser Three ditched? The leftovers from some experiment?”
“Traces of chemical, biological, and mechanical additives,” we confirmed. “Much of it damaged by the cold and the radiation. Telor was unable to identify any of it.”
“Well. There’s this book. A Fire Upon The Deep. Sci-fi.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s got—there are these creatures in it. Wolves, like. But a hive-mind. Three or four or five of them, all in a pack. One mind. They think in high-frequency sound, back and forth between them. But not like words. The sound is like neurons firing. It is how they think.”
“Okay?”
“It only works when they’re close,” Tobias cut in. “More than a few yards away, and the hive mind starts to break up.”
“Until some of them get ahold of some radio technology from a visiting alien,” Marco continued. “They build these like suit things that let them stay in contact with one another no matter how far apart they spread.”
Prince Jake’s eyes widened. “Thought-speak?” he asked. “Thought-speak transmitters?”
And then we made the connection ourselves. “The Visser is already using the morph interface to control multiple puppet bodies at once,” we said darkly.
“If he could somehow get it to work Yeerk-to-Yeerk—mimic the kind of connection that Yeerks have during the sharing—”
“A coalescion without a pool,” said Tobias. “A straight-up hive mind.”
“Fuck,” said Marco.
It felt—too specific. Too exact of a hypothesis, given how little real information we had. But when we imagined our way into the mind of the Visser—
“It fits,” Prince Jake muttered. “It’s the sort of thing he’d go for.”
Not clones. Not cooperation.
Expansion.
“Ax—sorry, Helium—Helium. Is this possible? I mean, is there any chance that this is actually what he’s up to?”
We considered, but not for long. “Nothing rules it out,” we answered carefully. “It’s—ambitious. Well beyond any technology known to us, except possibly the morphing tech itself. But Alloran was close to that project, and we know the Yeerks have taken the Arn, and the Naharans, and the Leeran—”
We broke off. “If anyone could do it, he could,” we said. “And it seems prudent to assume that the truth is at least this bad. It seems unlikely that he’s pouring his efforts into something significantly less dangerous.”
There was another long silence, and then Tobias spoke.
“I don’t get it,” he said quietly.
“Get what?” asked Prince Jake.
Tobias looked up at him, shook his head, shrugged. “The false hope,” he said, his voice now soft and flat. “Elfangor recruiting us, the Ellimist saving you guys from Ventura. I don’t understand why they’d put us through all of this, if there was never even a chance that we could win.”
Both Prince Jake and Marco opened their mouths, but neither seemed to know what to say in response.
(Neither did we.)
“I mean, that quantum virus thing—Visser Three knows about that, right? I mean, if Ax knows about it, then Alloran’s damn sure heard of it, at least. So who’s to say he didn’t get himself cloned into some completely different biology, or upload himself into a robot, or something—something a quantum virus wouldn’t be able to hit?”
His shoulders twitched again, this time less of a shrug and more like the motion of an animal shaking off an insect. “I mean, I thought of that in five minutes. He’s been working on this cloning thing since—since—I mean, at least since they took out the high school, right? So even if we’d thought of all of this back then, it would have already been too late. It was too late from day one.”
We shifted uncomfortably, remembering the weapon Elfangor had brought—the weapon that had failed to fire, that would have melted the entire surface of the planet. “If all of our reasoning here is valid,” we cautioned. “Which it may not be—”
“Even if we’re wrong about what Visser Three is up to specifically, we’ve got no leverage on the rest of the war, either—”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure,” Marco broke in, his voice thick and heavy with sarcasm. “Ten bucks says the invisible thumb drive leads to a portal to the Yeerk council chambers. Either that, or it’s an ancient superweapon. Or a time machine—”
“Marco—”
“—or no, wait, I’ve got it, it’s the first in a series of clues that lead to a time machine, and we’ve got to solve them before Visser Three gets there first and assimilates the Earth back in cowboy times—”
“Marco!”
“Fuck off, Jake, I’m blowing off steam. I’m not going to bite anybody.”
Prince Jake’s mouth snapped shut. We looked back and forth between Marco and Tobias, weighing the sudden shift in mood, a strange hypothesis tickling at the back of our mind—
“Point is,” Marco continued, bitterness dripping from every word, “you’ve got it exactly backwards, Tobias. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, doesn’t matter whether we have one lead or a dozen leads or none, no matter what we do something new always comes up. There’s always another way back in, no matter how badly we fuck up, no matter how hard we lose—we could throw that fucking keychain into the ocean and the next thing you know we’d just happen to stumble across a bunch of stranded Andalite warriors who crash-landed last year and have been just waiting for their chance.”
He raised his hand, pointed an accusing finger. “We get a fucking TPK in Montana, respawn quietly in Madagascar, of all places, and then you fucking win the goddamn lottery in Brazil and end up finding a secret Yeerk pool and a motherfucking Chee quest item. And before that it was Serenity falling into our laps, and before that it was Tyagi, and before that it was the are-you-fucking-kidding-me oatmeal, and before that was Ventura, where we should have all just fucking died except somebody didn’t want the big show to be over yet.”
He laughed—a hollow, hopeless sound. “Nah, man. The problem isn’t that the game is unwinnable. It’s that the game isn’t even a game. We’re not pawns, we’re fucking dominos. They keep setting us up and knocking us down and we’ve got no choice but to just sit there and take it.”
(There was something—contrived, about it, about the shape of Marco’s anger, the way it was unfolding in just this particular fashion, in just this particular moment. There was a hint of unreality to it, as if the words he was speaking were self-conscious, aware of the impact they were having, and trying to have it—)
“First off,” Prince Jake growled—
(—the sudden sharpness in his tone like a weapon half-drawn, causing all three of us to stiffen slightly—)
“—we don’t know that any of that was the Ellimist, except for Ventura. And second, nobody’s making you do anything. You want out?”
“That’s not what—”
“Because if you want out, I’m not stopping you.”
“That’s not what—”
“Then what? What, Marco? What do you want, besides making us listen to you bitch and moan for the tenth time?”
“I want to know what the fuck is going on!” Marco shouted. “I want to know why all of this is happening, why it keeps happening to us—I want to know what the point of all of this is!”
“None of us know any better than you do!” Jake shot back. “We were right there next to you in the construction site—in the YMCA—”
“Yeah, but you don’t—you don’t act like it bothers you. You just shrug it off. Like, at least Tobias is asking the question. You just keep following the carrot around—”
“You think I haven’t noticed? You think I don’t see the strings? The difference is, I’m not going to let that stop me from trying to deal with what’s right in front of us—”
“Yeah, but what if all of this—reacting—this one-step-at-a-time bullshit—what if that’s what’s leading us straight into the slaughterhouse? I mean, fuck, you know? Isn’t there some part of you that wants to say no? That looks at that fucking Chee keychain and thinks, that is bait, I am being jerked around, here?”
(And our sense of detachment, of unreality, grew deeper as we looked back and forth between the pair of them and Tobias, as we watched the drama unfold, like marbles moving through a Rube Goldberg device—action and reaction, cause and effect, a set of tedious steps shifting a machine from one configuration to another—)
((We felt like we should do something, but we didn’t know what; no amount of pressure-to-act could compensate for a lack of direction—))
“—not that crazy,” Tobias was saying, his voice low and slow and calm. “I mean, a soldier on the line doesn’t ever really see the big picture, right? He just knows, okay, we’ve got to hold this position.”
“Difference is,” said Marco, “a soldier on the line at least gets to know which side he’s on. He at least got to pick, when he signed up.”
“Which side—”
Marco held up a hand. “I’m serious, Jake. We don’t know what the rules of the real game are. Shit, six months ago, we thought the way to win was to kill as many Yeerks as possible and send the rest back into space. Now it’s looking like Visser Three was the enemy all along, and most of the Yeerks are on our side. But what happens when it turns out that was misdirection too, and everything we’ve been doing was exactly what the real bad guys wanted us to do?”
(It was going somewhere, headed somewhere—this conversation had a target, a purpose, was a chemical reaction in the middle of transforming the four of us, but we couldn’t see the end of it, were unable to skip ahead, to get there any faster than reality—)
((Unless all of that was sheer paranoia, and we were driving ourselves into a mental trap of our own making—))
(((Yes, great, we understand the dilemma, now what are we going to do about it—)))
“—only thing we know for sure is that someone or something is really, really interested in keeping us involved.”
“Do you want to not be involved?” Tobias interrupted.
“I don’t know,” Marco hissed. “That’s the whole point. It depends.”
“Do you still want to save the world?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
“Why?”
“Because I live in it? Because my friends live in it? Because golden rule? Because—”
“Do you think it’s more likely to get saved if we don’t help?”
Marco sighed. “You’re not hearing me—”
“Yes, I am,” Tobias said. “You’re saying, what if the bad guys are pushing all our buttons, taking advantage of the fact that we have pretty predictable morals and stuff, and using that to manipulate us so that everything we do makes things worse. Right?”
Marco’s mouth twisted.
“But like, if it’s that bad, then we’ve already lost—haven’t we? I mean, we’ve got to assume that our actions matter, right? That it makes a difference, what we decide to do? Not because that’s definitely true, but because if it’s false, it doesn’t matter anyway?”
“Fuck you, Tobias. Weren’t you just now bitching about how there’s no point, and we were all doomed from the start?”
“Didn’t you just now explain how I was wrong?”
“Guys,” Prince Jake said wearily.
“That’s bullshit anyway,” Marco said. “Like, you’re acting as if the two options are ‘so bad that nothing we do matters’ and ‘balanced enough that we can tip things over into victory.’ But it could just as easily be the other way around. Like, if things really are so close that all it takes to shift the balance is a bunch of idiot teenagers with a death wish, then what’s stopping us from being the reason everything goes to shit? Maybe things would have worked out just fine, if only we hadn’t blown up the YMCA. And blown up the oatmeal factory. And blown up Serenity. And blown up—whatever the fuck is at the other end of that homing device, which—let’s be real—we’re probably going to blow up.”
“That’s just life, though,” Tobias objected. “I mean, not the stuff about blowing things up, but about not knowing in advance what all the consequences will be—nobody gets to know for sure that the things they’re doing will end up working out. That doesn’t mean you should just freeze.”
“Most people aren’t right in the middle of an interstellar war,” Marco shot back. “Aren’t thrown into the middle of it, like a wrench, by the gods of who-knows-what. I think it’s reasonable to be a little less—less chill about it, given the stakes.”
“It sounds like you have some questions—”
* * *
“Motherfucker,” shouted Marco, as Prince Jake leapt to his feet and a gun appeared in Tobias’s hand as if from nowhere.
The words had come from a creature that had not been there a moment before, one we recognized instantly from borrowed memory—a short, wizened biped with faintly glowing blue skin and wide, black eyes that seemed to be full of stars.
The creature leaned back, raised its hands with palms out in a gesture of surrender. “Don’t shoot!” it said. “Sorry—I didn’t mean to—”
“Bullshit,” Marco spat.
(Because of course it had meant to startle us—there were a thousand ways it could have announced its presence without startling us.)
“I’m not in morph,” Marco said, loudly and slowly. “So this isn’t an illusion.”
The creature smiled—not just with its mouth, but with its ears as well, in Andalite fashion. “Unless it’s all an illusion,” it pointed out. “Maybe the last time you thought you demorphed, you didn’t.”
Marco didn’t smile back.
“You said ‘don’t shoot,’” Tobias spoke up, holding the gun perfectly level with his finger on the trigger. “What happens if I do?”
The creature shrugged artfully. “Our conversation ends. Which would be a shame, since this is the last time we’ll all have the chance to speak to one another.”
No one seemed to know what to do with that pronouncement, and after a moment, the creature nodded and crossed its legs, sinking to the floor.
“So,” it said, plucking idly at the loose fabric it was wearing. “What’s up?”
The silence that followed was stunned, but short-lived—
(Neither Prince Jake nor Marco nor Tobias—)
((Nor, for that matter, any of our own constituent parts—))
(—were much the type to sit back and let an adversary push their buttons; we could see in their expressions a sort of oh, okay, so it’s going to be like THAT hardening of their emotional defenses.)
((Which could just as easily have been the intended effect—))
“Not much,” said Prince Jake, settling back into his own seat. “You?”
“Oh, you know,” said the creature airily, waving a hand in an elaborately casual gesture. “Same old, same old.”
Prince Jake’s jaw tightened minutely, and Marco and Tobias exchanged dark glances.
“Uh huh,” said Prince Jake, mimicking the creature’s nonchalance. “So, how do you want to play this?”
The creature shrugged again. “It sounded like you had questions,” it said.
“Are you offering answers?”
“Some. Never hurts to ask, right?”
Prince Jake was silent for a moment. He looked at Marco, whose lip curled—in disgust or indecision, we couldn’t tell. He looked at Tobias, who was still holding the gun perfectly level, his arms seeming carved out of stone. He looked at us—
(The Ellimist is here to perturb us, to move us from one path to another—)
((Never mind that, there’s nothing we can do about that, instead think of what actions we can take in accordance with our own values—are there questions whose answers we might want, even knowing that their veracity is suspect—))
(((More to the point, this is our chance to negotiate.)))
Our thoughts spun, but not quickly enough, and Prince Jake turned back to the creature.
“All right, I’ll start,” he said softly. “Did you know that Cassie was going to die?”
“Point of order,” said the creature. “As your dear comrade Marco is no doubt thinking right this second, there’s no way for you to be entirely sure that I am the same creature you interacted with last time, given that the situation is two gods, both of whom are perfectly capable of animating a humble avatar such as myself. But yes—I knew it.”
Something seemed to crumble in Prince Jake’s expression, exposing a deeper hardness underneath. “Did you make it happen?” he asked.
“I don’t know what that means. I created the preconditions for her decision. I arranged those preconditions so that, of her possible choices, the ones that I preferred would seem better to her as well. But I didn’t tamper with her brain chemistry or anything like that, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Could you have?”
“Under certain circumstances. It’s expensive. There are rules, as I said last time.”
“Have you ever?”
“Not with Cassie.” The creature turned its head, nodded in Marco’s direction. “Him, once.”
“When?” asked Prince Jake.
The creature merely smiled.
“Do you lie?” Tobias asked.
“No. That’s one of the rules. Otherwise, the number of variables spirals out of control. The game is about the interactions of the various pieces. Chess becomes less interesting when every piece can move in every direction.”
“How do we know you’re telling the truth?”
“You don’t.” The creature shrugged again. “If you ask me to, I can dampen the part of your brain that’s skeptical about it, though.”
Tobias’s finger twitched slightly on the trigger. “No, thanks.”
“Is there a time limit on this conversation?” Marco asked abruptly. “Or, like, a limited number of questions? Are we going to get halfway through some important topic and then you’re going to be all, ‘whoops, time’s up, guess we have to leave it there’?”
“There’s no limit,” the creature said. “But I get to decide when I’m done, same as you.”
“You seem…different, from last time,” Tobias said, the gun still level.
“So do you,” said the creature. “How’s symbiosis treating you?”
We felt our human eyes narrow reflexively as Tobias answered, as Prince Jake asked another inconsequential question and was met with brittle humor. The conversation was slow—meandering—curiously relaxed, for all that there was an undercurrent of tension—
Stalling for time? So that some other process could run to completion?
(Don’t forget to consider the possibility that meta-analysis is actively counterproductive, given the circumstances.)
“Excuse us,” we said, cutting in.
The creature turned to look at us.
“Are you the Ellimist?”
“I am the avatar.”
“Of the Ellimist?”
“Of the entity your people call the Ellimist, and also of the entity known as Crayak. I am an input, an interface, one of the controls of the game.”
“Which of them are you serving right now?”
The creature chuckled, an unnervingly human sound. “You misunderstand,” it said. “Who am I speaking to right now—Aximili, or Perdão? It’s not a question of black or white, good guys or bad guys, two distinct sets of pieces. All of the pieces are gray. All belong equally to both players, you no less than I.”
It took a moment for the full impact of the statement to be felt. The three human boys stiffened, and Prince Jake and Marco turned to look at each other, something significant seeming to pass between them. Inside of ourselves, we felt the-parts-of-us-that-were-Tom-and-Aximili recoil in something akin to denial, even as Perdão and Elfangor nodded in grim recognition.
“So you both wanted Cassie dead,” said Prince Jake, his words the color of lead.
“Ah-ah,” said the creature, raising a finger. “That doesn’t follow from what I said at all. We both agreed to allow Cassie to be presented with a choice. One of us wanted it to happen, and the other permitted it. A benefit, for one, and an acceptable cost, for the other.”
Prince Jake’s eyes seemed to glitter, but he said nothing. The silence stretched, colder and heavier than before.
“Are there any actions we could take that would cause you to intervene against Visser Three?” we asked.
(The part of us that looked ahead could already feel the uselessness of the question, predict the obvious answer—but still it had to be asked.)
“The obstacle presented by Visser Three’s ambition is the game,” the creature said smoothly. “For us to undo it ourselves would be to abandon the contest entirely.”
“Are we at least right about Visser Three?” Tobias asked. “What he’s planning, all of the failsafe stuff?”
“For the most part. There’s always a bit of devil in the details.”
“Is there anything we can do to stop him?”
“Anything? Anything covers quite a bit. Weren’t you all talking about quantum viruses just a minute ago?”
“We were also talking about how that wouldn’t be enough,” Marco growled.
The creature tilted its head. “I’m sorry—were you under the impression that all of this was going to be wrapped up quickly?”
“What?”
“You’re thinking that the Visser is too far ahead. That he has too many advantages, too many resources, too much control. But the same was true of the Visigoths, in the year 410.”
“What?”
“The Visigoths. They destroyed Rome.”
Confused silence.
“Is Rome yet destroyed?”
More silence. The creature smiled slightly, as if to itself—looked expectantly back and forth between us.
(New data—extended time horizons. If the current war is analogous to the destruction of Rome sixteen hundred years in the past—)
We felt our heartrate quicken. It might have been an unfounded leap, but—if one were to condition on the assumption that some action taken by the Animorphs would have large and relevant consequences hundreds or thousands of years later, then the creation of a collaborative Yeerk-Andalite hybrid would surely be high on the list of candidates—
(Especially given that the only other confirmed, unambiguous instance of divine intervention was the rescue at Ventura, which led directly to the union of Temrash and Aximili—)
((Devil’s advocate—the Yeerk discovery of the concept of consenting cooperation in general was just as plausibly crucial, and was a superset that did not require the further stipulation of a special Andalite-unique quality.))
(((Counterpoint: the Yeerks had discovered consenting cooperation through general exposure to humanity; the existence of the Animorphs had been essentially irrelevant to that process—)))
((((Counter-counterpoint: there was a special quality to the Andalite-Yeerk union, at least in our own experience; a quality with tremendous potential value on both the individual and the societal level—value that might even be great enough to outweigh the objections of those who supported the status quo, who didn’t even know what they were missing—))))
(Something deep within us lifted its head, stirred to wakefulness—not quite a hunger, but at least an eagerness, the part-of-us-that-was-Perdão responding viscerally to the possibility that we might spread—)
It wasn’t a possibility that we had dwelt on, before, given the circumstances of the immediate conflict. But—logically—distant futures in which our own nature as a collective entity mattered in some deep way were more numerous than near futures in which the same was true—
“Is that all we are, then?” asked Tobias. “Ancient history? Butterfly effects for stuff that won’t happen until thousands of years from now?”
“Would you rather be at the end of things?” the creature countered. “Would you rather not have a legacy extending on into the future?”
Tobias said nothing, but for the first time, his arm visibly trembled.
“Why us, though?” Marco asked. “Why here, why now, why our names written in fire out in space, why Ventura—why do you keep pulling us back into the middle of it?”
There was a note of desperation in his tone, and the creature seemed to soften in response, some of the brittleness fading out of its demeanor. “You’re looking for an answer that will satisfy you on some fundamental level, and no such answer exists,” it said quietly. “You are the chosen ones because you were chosen, and you were chosen because choosing you maximizes the chance of the desired outcome. If you were someone else—someone who would produce less of the desired effect—then you would not have been chosen, and would not be asking the question. If someone else had been chosen, they would be asking the question, and would be equally dissatisfied with the answer.”
“That’s a dodge,” Tobias pointed out. “You just said ‘you’re the guys because reasons.’ You explicitly admitted that there are reasons, and didn’t say what those reasons are.”
“And I won’t,” the creature replied. “I can’t—at least, not specifically. The whole point is for you to be placed into situations where your decisions are philosophically relevant—situations where you are free to choose, where the constraints on your choices are primarily your constraints—your morals, your values, your tradeoffs. It is the anticipation of your choices that has led Crayak and the Ellimist to choose you, over others. But the choices are still yours. The outcomes themselves remain variable, unknown. The situation is, genuinely, uncertain, and including you in the mix increases the chance of the desired outcome, where not including you—or including someone else, rather than you—does not.”
“But Crayak and the Ellimist want different outcomes,” Prince Jake objected. “Don’t they? Isn’t that the whole point?”
“If you were seeking to destroy all life on Earth, you might first create an industrial society of intelligent beings capable of doing the job thoroughly, rather than risking a quicker, more haphazard solution,” the creature said. “Such a plan might look eerily similar to, say, a plan for human ascension—right up until the critical moment. You wouldn’t ordinarily expect two plans with opposite outcomes to strongly resemble one another, but here there are strong forces incentivizing cooperation and convergence.”
“That’s not what you told us last time,” said Tobias. “You said—you made it sound like a trade, one for one. Crayak gets something, then the Ellimist gets something.”
“The rules of the game are complex. Some moves are proposals, which the other player must ratify. Some moves require the exchange of resources, create increases or decreases in available influence. Some are free—paid for by previous actions, or taking advantage of unusual circumstances. Initiative is complex, as well—sometimes alternating, sometimes simultaneous. But both players have an incentive to stick close to the path of least resistance, least objection. It’s a smaller instance of the same principle which led to the game in the first place—why mutually annihilate resources in a Red Queen race, when a cooperative approach yields the same result at a lower cost?”
The creature smiled again—wider this time, revealing a row of small, pointed teeth.
“So it’s back to the chess game,” Marco said, a tight undercurrent of anger in his voice. “With us as the pawns. Pawns with no clue what’s actually going on around them. Pawns with no real choice in anything that matters.”
“Choice?” asked the creature. “Choice is what I am offering. Choice is why you are here in the first place—you are here specifically so that you may choose. If such opportunities no longer interest you—if you’d prefer to have as much choice as the thousands who died in Ventura—”
The creature shrugged. “Say the word, and you can be unchosen.”
The silence that followed was thick and wild, like the air atop a hill during a thunderstorm. Marco’s fists tightened, loosened, and tightened again, and Prince Jake’s shoulders drooped with exhaustion.
Tobias lowered the gun—dropped it, almost, his arm falling into his lap. “What do the two of them actually want?” he asked, squeezing his eyes shut. “The Ellimist. Crayak.”
“What does anyone want?” the creature replied easily. “Resources. Freedom. The ability to enact one’s will upon the universe—to reshape one’s surroundings to be more in accordance with one’s preferences. Crayak—Crayak has a vision for the future. It would like to see things arranged just so. And the Ellimist—”
The creature shrugged again. “The Ellimist disagrees.”
“What’s the Ellimist’s vision?”
“No vision at all. The anti-vision. Chaos, to Crayak’s order. Harmony, to Crayak’s unity. Noise, to Crayak’s silence.”
“Neither of those sounds all that great, to be honest,” muttered Marco.
The creature grinned mirthlessly. “Maybe that’s why you keep having such a hard time telling which one of them is pulling the strings.”
(A thought almost occurred to us, then, sparked by the creature’s words—a fragment, a flicker, a fleeting image of Visser Three, who said—)
“Speaking of strings,” Prince Jake said, his tone hard once more. “You’re not just here to answer questions, right?”
(—gone.)
“Should I take that to mean that you’re done asking them?”
“No—wait,” Tobias cut in. He held up the invisible Chee object. “What is this?”
“It is a key,” the creature said.
“To what?”
“I will not tell you. But the Chee who put it in your hands—it did indeed die, in order to do so. Knew that it would likely die, and went willingly.”
“Why?”
“For the dogs, of course.”
Tobias frowned, and fell silent.
“Anyone else?” Prince Jake asked.
We raised our hand.
“Go ahead.”
“Are there unique properties to the Yeerk-Andalite bond?” we asked. “Are Yeerks more—potent—with an Andalite, than with other species?”
“Yes.”
“Reliably?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
A shrug.
A long pause.
“What do you want from us?” asked Marco.
“I have an offer to make,” said the creature. “A side quest, if you will. A situation has arisen, and the Ellimist and Crayak are…constrained, in their ability to intervene. You could intervene, perhaps. If you wished. They are not asking you for a favor, and would not owe you one. It is simply an opportunity to do as you will.”
“What kind of opportunity?”
“A brief trip off-world. Out of system, in fact.”
“Where?”
“If I told you, would it mean anything?”
“To do what?” Tobias asked.
“As I said. To do what you do. To act as seems appropriate, under the circumstances.”
“Vaguebooking,” sneered Marco.
“Alas, things are rarely so clear as ‘here comes a meteor to kill you all.’”
“I thought this was the board game,” Prince Jake said slowly. “This system. Visser Three, the Yeerks, Elfangor, Ax, us. No outside influence. Isn’t that what the Z-space bubble is all about?”
“Such is life,” said the creature, sighing theatrically. “Despite the best efforts of everyone involved, it turns out that the other ninety-nine point nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine percent of the galaxy still ended up relevant, at least a little. Who knew? As to the bubble, and its purpose—if, indeed, it even has one—on that, I can give you no answers.”
Prince Jake’s eyes narrowed. “What’s your offer?” he said. “In plain English, no riddles or loopholes.”
“I can only be so specific,” said the creature, holding up its hands. “There is a planet, currently well beyond your reach, upon which significant events are unfolding. In time, those events will directly impact the situation here on Earth, and—later—the fate of the rest of the galaxy. Should you choose to go, you will have a chance to influence those events. I can’t say how. I can’t say why. I make no guarantee that it will make any difference at all, nor that any difference made will necessarily be positive, according to your values. But the chance is real, and it is the only one you will get.”
“What happens if we say no?”
“Then those events proceed without you, until such time as they naturally converge with the situation here on Earth. And not that I’m talking you into it, but—”
The creature shrugged. “It will be much harder to win, at that point.”
(And for a moment, our thoughts seemed like they were about to spin up, to resume the same cloud-chasing they had been engaged in off and on since our reawakening. But something intervened—some touch of self-awareness, a hint of meta-perspective. The recognition that the question would be no easier to answer after five or ten or thirty minutes of going around and around in circles—that since all of the information was already suspect, further thinking and questioning would bring us no closer to certainty. That, given the Ellimist’s involvement, there was no principled way to make the decision, and thus the deciding factor would inevitably be choice.)
((Like the wind in thought and deed.))
“We will go,” we said. “Us-singular. Helium.”
“Wonderful,” said the creature, even as the others turned to stare at us, eyes widening in shock—
“Provided that our war-prince permits.”
There was a stuttering silence, punctuated by the click of Marco’s jaw snapping shut.
Time passed.
“You don’t need my permission,” Prince Jake said, his voice solemn and soft. “Or—well—you always have it. Wherever you think you need to be, that’s where I want you to go.”
We felt a rush of warmth, felt our lips curve upward in gratitude.
“But. Um. Helium. Would you mind telling us why?”
We locked eyes with him—his the deep, pale brown so common among humans, eyes that a part of us recognized instantly as belonging to our younger brother.
“We don’t have a reasoned position,” we admitted. “It seems impossible to trust reason, under the circumstances. All well-defined schema are suspect—may be being activated solely on the basis of expected output. Reverse psychology, reverse-reverse psychology, reverse-reverse-reverse—we can’t rule out the possibility that we are compromised, manipulated. But as the creature says, we seem to retain the capacity for choice, at least.”
Our war-prince stared at us for a long moment.
“I know this is a stupid question,” he said. “I know I can’t even really trust the answer. But I have to ask. Is this because—you know. Is it making you do this?”
We shook our head. “No. But it is to Terra’s benefit to send a shard beyond the bounds of this system. Visser Three is not alone in that.”
“What about us? You’re the only Andalite warrior we’ve got.”
We smiled. “Half a warrior,” we corrected. “But we have done little enough, especially since the day of the Visser. And the war is larger now. Telor, Terra, the human resistance. Our own unique contribution seems unlikely to be decisive, especially since each of you already has our pattern. Whereas out there—”
We shrugged. “We thought that the war was here. That this system was the center of it all. That the events our values told us were most important to influence were taking place on Earth. That’s why we didn’t leave before—didn’t try to leave, when we thought it was possible.”
Prince Jake nodded.
“But now—this creature is telling us that there is another theater. A relevant theater. A place where our actions might make a meaningful difference. We would not abandon you, but—”
We held up our hands. “Given the existence of the resistance. Given that the Earth has you and Tobias and Marco and Rachel and Garrett—not to mention Tyagi and Essak-and-Peter and Terra and Telor—given that you have access to my body and mind, should you need it—it seems clear that we can make the most difference elsewhere.”
“We don’t even know where he wants to send us.”
“No. But we know that, if we go, we will have an—an us-shaped impact. That unless we go, there is no guarantee that there will be any agents in that theater that share our preferences, and will take action in accordance with them.”
“Fuck,” said Marco—suddenly, abruptly. “Fuck. Jake, I think I should be there, too.”
“What? Why?”
“Uh. Can I just say ‘that thing that he just said’?”
Prince Jake’s face darkened, his mouth opening—
“Time’s up,” said the creature.
* * *
“Motherfucker!” screamed Marco—
—and in that moment, as comprehension caught up to mere perception, we became aware of two distinct phenomena, each sufficiently shocking that we could not choose to focus all of our attention on either, and were compelled to split our thoughts—
(It was not merely the fact that we had—apparently—teleported to another world; that, we had been at least somewhat prepared for. It was that our first glimpse of that world was accompanied by a rush of recognition—that we knew this place, that it shone with familiarity to three of our four constituent parts.)
((Twelve Marcos?))
“Heimdall!” Marco shouted—
((Our Marco, or at least a Marco wearing clothes and an expression which matched the Marco we had been with a moment prior, on Earth. Around us, the eleven other human figures turned—some for just a moment before continuing to run—others already showing signs of transformation—still others leveling weapons—most of them backing, shifting toward a circular configuration that allowed each of them to have no others behind him—))
(A configuration that was somewhat more difficult to achieve than usual, given that the ground was slanted nearly halfway to vertical, the rocks beneath our feet a shifting scree of porous, crumbling volcanic gravel—)
“Heimdall!” Marco repeated. “Aurora, two-up—it’s the Ellimist, the Ellimist dragged us all here—”
“No shit,” shouted at least four identical voices. Two of the running figures slowed to a stop, looking back over their shoulders while two others continued, one of them slogging crosswise up the hill—
(—toward the peak, the horizon, a knife-edge no more than two or three kilometers distant, where the deep blue of the sky thinned to show bright, unwavering stars, even in the broad daylight—)
“Sorry, I agreed to this, but I didn’t think—”
“Why the fuck—”
“—another meteor—”
“—right in the middle of—”
“Heimdall, motherfuckers! Shut the fuck up, let me explain—”
(—while the other was half-running, half-sliding down the slope, heading straight for the muddled, multicolored smear that covered the ground just shy of the vast tree trunks—)
(((The garden-memoirs of the nearest Arn.)))
‹Marco,› we said, abandoning spoken word for the clarity and privacy of thought-speak. ‹The one running downhill will die if he enters the forest.›
“What? Do you know this—whatever, fuck it.”
He cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed, so loudly that the words came out rough, as if they’d been torn out of his throat. “LAOCOÖN! STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING WOODS! LAOCOÖN!”
The figure didn’t slow, made no response, gave no sign that it had heard.
“What about uphill?” Marco asked urgently.
“The atmosphere thins rapidly,” we said. “Cold—apoxia—”
“He can figure that shit out on his own,” he muttered, his voice grim. Then, louder—
“All right, look,” he shouted, as the nine other Marcos—
((—one of them now wearing Aximili’s own body, and another the shape of a fully grown male gorilla, and a third an enormous avian that Tom sheepishly identified as probably either an emu or a cassowary—))
—shifted uneasily. “Here’s the short version. The fucking blue Yoda thing showed up again, and told me and Ax and Tobias and Jake that it wanted to send us on a side quest, wouldn’t say exactly what. This is—ah, fuck it, sorry, man, we’ll explain later—this here is Ax, I’ll fill you in on his shit in a minute. Anyway, Ax wanted to go, and I figured with all of you back on Earth, it was probably worth it to have at least one pair of eyes on whatever-the-fuck this was, and no, it didn’t give me a chance to be specific, so go ahead and climb right down out of my ass. That’s all we know. Oh, there’s some new shit about Visser Three, but it can wait. Heimdall out, bids open.”
A number of hands went up.
“I see a six over there. Any overbids?”
((The Marcos were cooperating, were clearly acting in accordance with a complex set of prearranged signals and procedures—))
“Ceded.”
Another Marco stepped forward as ours stepped back—
“Bird of prey morphs,” he called out.
Hands were raised.
“Starting point is there.” He pointed.
There was a moment in which the Marcos all seemed to be counting, their eyes tracking around the circle in eerie synchrony—
((They had been surprised to see each other, but not shocked, not confused—))
Two more Marcos left the circle without another word, each heading in opposite directions along the slope.
“Anybody got weapons with a spread?”
Two more hands, one of them belonging to the gorilla.
“Give me numbers.”
“Four-two-nine-four-nine-six-seven-two-nine-six.”
‹Three-four-three-five-nine—›
“Got you—you’re my granddad. All right—you two back up. Everybody else, close in.”
“Abnegation,” called out one of the remaining Marcos.
“You don’t gotta announce—ah, whatever. Fuck it. Good luck, stay out of the goddamn woods apparently for some reason.”
That Marco left the circle as well, heading downhill at a slant.
((It was obvious, once we let our mind consider the obvious answer, allowed ourselves to look in the place we had been taught never, ever to look.))
Marco had been using the Iscafil device to create clones of himself, just as Tom had used it to create clones of Prince Jake and Rachel and Garrett—and Marco himself. Had been doing so a lot, or for a long time, or both.
The five remaining Marcos—including both the giant bird and the Andalite—came in close, forming a tight cluster.
“Ax?” said the leading Marco. “You seem to know something about this place?”
We glanced uncertainly at our Marco—
“It’s fine,” he murmured. “It’s me. Like, unless the Ellimist is really fucking with us, and unless I went and got myself captured in the last—what was your number?”
“Five-six-two-nine-four-nine-nine-five—”
“In the last week or so, geez—welcome to the world, by the way—”
Pop.
“Heimdall! Hold your fire—Heimdall! Nobody fucking move! Jake—uh—sorry, buddy, I get that this might be a pretty big ask right now, but I’m gonna need you to stay real fucking still for a minute—”
“Marco, what the hell—”
“You can yell at me later, man, just—seriously, don’t move—guys? Guys. Ninety…six? Percent, this is just Jake. No tricks, no Yeerks. I was sitting next to him two minutes ago—Jake? What the fuck, man, how did you—”
We had watched our war-prince’s face as Marco was speaking—watched as he mastered his shock and surprise, as he scanned the circle, taking everything in. We could detect something of the speed of his thoughts in the twitch of his jaw, the darting focus of his gaze. When he spoke, the words were clipped, controlled—heavy with disapproval and the threat of future rebuke.
“After you—left,” he said, “Tobias and I had a—discussion, with the Ellimist. Setting terms. We didn’t want to leave you alone out here—”
He paused, and Marco held up his hands, something unspoken passing between them.
“—so Tobias agreed to stay back with Rachel and Garrett, and I agreed to come along. With guaranteed transportation back where we came from, by the way, which is something neither of you bothered to think of on your way out the door.”
“Come on, that’s not—” Marco began, but he broke off as the expression on the other boy’s face darkened. “Okay. Okay, you’re right. Thank you.”
“Now,” said our war-prince. “Explain.”
“Uh. Well. I’ve been, uh. Using the cube. On, you know. Terminal patients.”
“Seven times?”
“Uh. More like. Maybe thirty or so?”
Thick, crackling silence.
“I didn’t have anything to wake them up with, so. Roll those dice as many times as you can, you know?”
Somehow, the silence grew louder.
“That’s why I wanted to come along—I figured the Ellimist would just send me, I didn’t think he’d send the whole party—”
“Can they all morph?”
Marco hesitated. “Yeah.”
“How?”
“I, uh. Figured out how to do the transfer with an unconscious person.”
“And then you just left them lying there in hospital beds.”
“Look, it started before you woke up, okay? Desperate times.”
From the look on our war-prince’s face, this excused nothing.
“Anyway, uh. They’re—they’re all me, so—I’m not actually the one running the meeting right this second—”
“Oh? Do tell.”
The other Marco—the one that had begun to label itself 34359—took a step forward, raised a hand. “Anyone object to giving the conch to Jake? And yes, we’re all thinking it, and yes, we’re all thinking that, too.”
No one spoke.
“You’re in charge, Fearless Leader. Ax was about to fill us in on what the fuck is going on.”
There was another silence—still tense, though less overtly dangerous.
“Helium,” said Prince Jake.
“What?”
“His n—don’t call him ‘Ax’ anymore. Ax—Ax died in the line of duty. This is his—heir. Call him Helium.”
Yet another silence—
(This one just about the right length, we noted, for Marco to consider making a joke, and then decide against it.)
“Roger. Ah. Helium. Seems to know where we are. Right?”
“Yes,” we answered. “And—we believe we might understand why, as well.”
* * *
It didn’t take long to explain.
We were on the planet of the Arn—the homeworld of the Hork-Bajir—one of the earliest Yeerk conquests.
It was a ringworld, with only a single strip of habitable territory surrounded by barren wasteland—like a planet in tidal lock. But unlike tidal ringworlds, the habitable territory was not a twilight zone between freezing cold and blistering desert. It was a valley—a giant chasm—a crack that ran all the way around the circumference of the planet, formed by a titanic polar meteor impact some thousands of years earlier.
“The rift is approximately one hundred kilometers wide, on average,” we explained. “About forty kilometers deep, with a river of exposed magma five kilometers wide at the bottom.”
The meteor had boiled off most of the atmosphere and thrown the planet off its axis, making a chaotic mess of day and night. Somehow, though, the Arn—the planet’s masters, the only native sapient species—had survived, clinging to the walls of the gigantic rift where there was still air. They had engineered a vast forest of gigantic trees to trap the gases venting from the magma, convert them into something breathable. And when they tired of caring for the trees themselves—
“They made the Hork-Bajir?”
“From scratch, as far as we can tell. When the Yeerks first arrived, they thought the Hork-Bajir were the planet’s dominant race. Their settlements are built into the treetops, thousands of them—visible from the air, covering both sides of the entire valley. Most of the war was fought up among the branches, and when the last of the free Hork-Bajir were finally driven down to the ground—”
Nightmares. Monsters. Horrors unspeakable—to the Hork-Bajir, with their limited intelligence, horrors literally unimaginable. Wave after wave of demons, harpies, chimeras—pouring endlessly out of the thick, blue mist that blanketed the forest floor.
“It was said that young Hork-Bajir used to dare one another to climb down into the mist,” we recounted. “It was said that one in three of them were never seen again. To have submerged oneself completely in the mist was a mark of bravery to carry into adulthood. To have reached the ground itself, and brought back a handful of soil, was to become legendary.”
Even the Yeerks had been unable to penetrate the mists on foot. They sent wave after wave of soldiers into the blue, and none made it even twenty kilometers in. But dogfights in the skies near the center of the rift had resulted in crashes—distress signals—rescue missions. Soon it became clear that there was a world below the killing zone, an entire civilization hugging the cliffs where the earth dropped into the mantle.
“That’s where the Arn live?”
“Yes. Elfangor, he—he was a part of an Andalite expeditionary force. They were attempting to respond to a Yeerk distress signal—”
We broke off. Though it was Elfangor’s memory, it was Perdão who was in control of our voice, Perdão who kept the words flowing as waves of emotion rose, passed through us, and broke. It was there, on the very edge of the molten river, that Elfangor had lost his war-brother, Aldrea-Iskillion-Falan—
“But the Visser got there first,” we said. “Somehow—somehow he made peace with the Arn, was able to establish communication and then form an alliance. We know few of the details. But there was a virus—a plague, deadly and horrible. It spread to half of the ships in the system, killing thousands. By the time it was contained—”
Loss. So much loss, so much failure—
We fell silent.
Prince Jake’s voice was gentle. “You said—you think you might know why the Ellimist sent us here—”
“Yes,” we said, pulling ourselves close around the-part-of-us-that-was-Elfangor, offering it what comfort we could. “The Arn—they are utterly unmatched, as biologists and bioengineers. They work with genetic material as a child works with clay, creating and destroying at will. They literally write with genetic material, recording their thoughts in swathes of flowers in the fields below.” We pointed. “They designed a lethal plague within two weeks of encountering Andalite biology for the first time.”
“The virus on Earth,” said Marco.
“Yes. It seems highly likely that it was developed here, by Arn scientists working with human DNA. Provided to them by the Visser, no doubt. And if it is true that the Visser intends to form a hive mind—if he has plans to further alter the human race, or to somehow mutate Yeerk biology—”
We fell silent again. The Ellimist had brought us here. Assuming that its intervention was not random—
(Or antagonistic.)
—that meant we had the potential to influence what happened next. To stop the Arn, or redirect them, or otherwise interfere with the Visser’s plans.
“What do the Arn want?” Prince Jake asked. “I mean—we haven’t seen any Arn Controllers, right? And they’re letting the Yeerks take as many Hork-Bajir as they want, and they’re doing all these extra things for Visser Three—is it just because he’ll kill them if they don’t?”
“We don’t know.”
“Is there anything you do know?”
Mild, the question—with none of the sharpness that might have accompanied it.
“Only this,” we said. “The Hork-Bajir—they are perfectly suited for life in the trees. Perfect in every way, designed from the ground up. The blades on their legs, for gripping the bark—the blades on their arms, for slicing through it—the horns on their heads, for smelling and signaling. Even their very desires were carefully shaped—their love of climbing, their reverence for the green and the blue. But—”
We hesitated. “Still they came down out of the trees, curious. And the Arn—”
“The monsters,” Prince Jake said flatly.
“Yes. The Arn could have spawned Hork-Bajir that feared the ground, or seeded the floor of the forest with repulsive plant life, or any number of other solutions. But instead, they chose to cover the ground with mist, and fill the mist with ravenous predators.”
There was a long and uncomfortable silence.
“You said they’re at the bottom of the rift,” asked another Marco. “Where, exactly?”
“In the cliffside itself,” we said. “Built into the rock walls just above the magma. Buildings, corridors, technology—all powered by geothermal energy.”
“And we’ve got to assume the ones we’re looking for are straight down, as opposed to on the other side of the planet,” mused another Marco. “How far did you say? Fifty across, forty down—”
We tilted our head, considering. We were near the top of the world, only a few kilometers from the rim—
“Perhaps sixty kilometers,” we estimated.
There was a soft hissing sound as several Marcos sucked in their breath at the same time. “That’s two or three days,” one of them pointed out.
“Not if we fly,” said Prince Jake.
“No,” we said, shaking our head. “The Yeerks have been here for well over a year. They will have mounted defenses against Andalite infiltration. Weapons systems in the upper branches, surveillance systems in the lower, checkpoints along the Hork-Bajir highways. And there are monsters which hunt in the air—birds of prey, and webmakers, and creatures like giant frogs which snatch smaller animals out of the sky—”
“What about below the canopy, but above the mist?” proposed a Marco.
“Nah,” answered another. “If we thought of it in five minutes, then Visser Three has definitely thought of it in the past year, especially if he has stuff here he’s trying to protect.”
The Marco turned to me. “You’re sure they don’t have anything in the mist?”
We hesitated. “We can’t be certain,” we said reluctantly. “But every attempt to establish a beachhead in the mist failed. Both the Yeerks and the Andalites tried soldiers—armored vehicles—robots and drones. The monsters were just as happy to hunt metal as they were to hunt flesh. A team of Taxxons tried digging tunnels—they lost radio contact after half an hour, and the investigating team found only blood. Eventually, it was decided that the mist was barrier enough, the moreso once the Yeerks installed shields to protect the open center of the rift from aerial approach.”
“So we’re back to Plan A,” said Prince Jake. “Slow approach, take down some of the monsters, acquire them—”
We cleared our throat. “That—may be more difficult than you think,” we said. “Do you recall the creature you saw on the night of Elfangor’s death? The shape that the Visser morphed into?”
Two of the Marcos swore. “That thing was from here?”
“Yes. And—some of the monsters in the mist are larger.”
The Antarean Bogg was perhaps twelve meters tall, once fully grown, and could easily bite an Andalite in half. The Lerdethak, which could have over a thousand vine-like limbs surrounding its central maw, had been known to exceed twenty meters. And the Tarmogoyf, which had been sighted seven times and escaped only once, was larger still.
“There are also small, agile pack hunters—venomous insects—primates with blades similar to a Hork-Bajir’s—”
One of the Marcos turned to another. “What did we have on the list?”
“Nothing that can take on anything like that. Gorilla, rhino, elephant, cassowary. Wolf. Grizzly. The one guy that went after all the different venomous snakes, maybe?”
“Bat? Owl? I know he said there are things that hunt in the air, but if we can see and hear ahead—”
“No dice. Bats navigate by sound—what if something out there hunts by listening?”
“The needletail, then? Outrun everything?”
We shook our head. “The kafit bird, native to the Andalite world, was not fast or maneuverable enough. It is—not the most impressive avian, compared to Earth birds? So it’s possible that an Earth bird might do better? But we don’t know, and the first person to try is assuming all of the risk.”
“Do these monsters kill each other?” another Marco asked.
“Yes. Over food and territory at least, and there is a food chain, with some species hunting other species.”
“So even if we manage to get a badass morph, that’s no guarantee.”
We nodded.
Two of the Marcos stood, turning from the circle in frustration. A third let out a noise somewhere between a cough, a groan, and the sound of a human choking.
“What?” said Prince Jake. “So we take it slow—”
A fourth Marco scoffed.
“What?” Prince Jake repeated.
Our Marco—the original, or at least the first-awakened—raised a hand. “Item one,” he said, ticking off a finger. “We don’t know exactly when Visser Three’s reinforcements arrive, but the Europa rendezvous was supposed to happen twelve days from now, so it’s not like we’ve got all the time in the world. Item two, we’ve got no food, and more importantly no water—”
“Not a problem, actually.”
All eyes turned toward the Marco who had spoken up.
“Just saying. We can morph into one of the larger animals, cut off a limb or two—”
There was a silence, not shocked so much as begrudgingly impressed.
“Fair e-fucking-nough,” said our Marco, “but our good friend Smurf Yoda didn’t send Helium along with any oatmeal, either, so that clock is ticking whenever they’re not in morph. Which brings us to item three, which is that this whole thing is bullshit.”
Our war-prince’s mouth opened, then closed.
“Exactly,” said Marco.
There was a brief pause, during which we tried to follow the unspoken communication, to regenerate the words that Marco, apparently, did not even need to hear to understand.
“What else can we do?” Prince Jake asked, his tone softening.
“I know. I know, all right? I get it. And you know what? Tobias was right, too—probably half the soldiers who’ve ever died in battle didn’t know why the fuck they were even on that particular battlefield. Probably more than half. This kind of bullshit—it’s not new, it’s just that we’re not used to it. But fuck if I don’t take it a little bit personal, you know? Like, hey, wouldn’t you know, turns out we’ve got to cross two counties’ worth of a Stephen King novel, and somebody brought along an army of disposable Marcos! How serendipitous.”
“We can go slow,” Prince Jake repeated.
Marco laughed bitterly. “You still don’t get it, do you? How this shit works? There wouldn’t be twelve of me, if it wasn’t going to take twelve of me.”
“You don’t know that—”
“I know it’s going to take more than one, motherfucker, and don’t you dare pretend like it’s not.”
There was sudden fire in Marco’s voice, and Prince Jake’s jaw snapped shut, his lip twisting.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Marco continued. “Now you get it. We’re going to do it, don’t get me wrong—I wouldn’t bail on you in a million years, and none of the rest of me would, either. But don’t kid yourself that we’re all going to make it out of this one alive. And we’re not—we’re not copies, we’re not backups. Every single one of us is a whole goddamn person. One of us goes down, that’s your best friend, dying. That’s me, dying for this mission. Dying as a shield. Dying without ever even finding out what the fuck we were doing here.”
He stopped, fists clenched and trembling, and took a few long, slow breaths. We turned to look at Prince Jake, saw that his lips were drawn tight, his own knuckles white and bloodless.
“I’m not going to ask you to take any risks that I’m not willing to take myself—”
“Ha. You think I’m going to let you take any risks on this? You think your vote counts eleven times more than mine? No, Mister President. You and Captain High Voice Crew over there are staying out of the way, out of the line of fire, right in the goddamn middle of a circle of secret service agents. Supply and demand. My life is worth less than yours, today. Every last one of us is ready to die for you until there’s only one of us left, and maybe even then. That’s not what we’re mad about.”
He sat back and spread his hands wide, and without a moment’s hesitation one of the other Marcos picked up the thread. “We’re mad about the fucking dominos, man. That thing did this on purpose. It chose this. It could have put us down on the other side of the mist, or inside the Arn Pentagon, or just done whatever the fuck it wants done itself and left us out of it altogether. But this is the plan it signed off on, just like it signed off on Cassie getting fucked back in Ventura. This is the price it was willing to pay. It’s going to be real easy for you to forget that, when this is all over and there are still two or three Marclones running around. It’s going to be real easy for you to forget that that little blue fucker murdered your best friend nine or ten times. But me—”
He broke off, and another Marco jumped in without missing a beat. “Somehow, that seems real fucking relevant to me,” he said.
“And me.”
“Me, too.”
“Same.”
Grim nods around the rest of the circle.
And though the Andalite parts of us wanted to call it superstition, the part of us that was Yeerk—that had spent its life in unrelenting darkness, imagining a whole universe out of tiny shards of experience—that part radiated agreement, every bit as grim, and found itself wondering—
What role did the Ellimist have in mind for us?
Chapter 51: Chapter 37: Marco
Notes:
Hey, all!
Uploading this a little early; I'm probably not going to be EXACTLY 14 days between each update, but I'll try to get each of them out "on the weekend."
Note that I'm struggling with what to do about 30,000 word chapters. In this case, I decided to cut the chapter in half, and stagger the update. I could instead post 30,000 word chapters all at once, but would need to update monthly instead of every other week.
Every other week seems clearly better to me, but if you strongly disagree, please let me know via comment (and maybe drop some THOUGHTS while you're at it? Pretty please? Because I love your thoughts? Maybe even need them a little, in a way that's probably not at all unhealthy?) or head on over to r/rational and join the discussion there.
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes.
Chapter Text
Chapter 37: Marco
—134217728—
People don’t understand the word ruthless.
They think it means mean. Cold. Heartless.
But it’s not about that. It’s not about emotion at all. It’s about clarity.
It’s about being able to see that thin, bright line that leads from point A to point B—that one, narrow path that dodges all the dead ends. It’s about seeing that bright, clear line, and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you’ve found the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it.
I think Cassie finally got that, in the end. Got it in a way that none of the rest of them—not Jake, not Tobias, not even Rachel—ever really understood. As dumb as her call was—as wasteful and shortsighted and wrong—she saw that bright line, and she followed it. No hesitation, no looking back.
I respected that.
But at the same time, I understood her mistake.
See, Cassie picked the wrong B. And she picked it because she could see the bright line leading to it. Not because it made sense. Not because it was worth it. Not because it would get her what she really wanted. She picked it because it was something to do—because it was the only thing she could do, in that moment, and she couldn’t not do it once she saw the way. Couldn’t bear to pick nothing over something.
That’s my guess, anyway. I don’t know. It’s not like I knew her all that well.
But that’s how most people go through life, as far as I can tell. Just following the path of least resistance.
It’s easier, you know? Like, who knows what you need to do to save the whales, or stop global warming, or prevent nuclear war—
Well, bad example. Visser Three took all the nukes.
But you get it, right? It’s hard to figure out how to save the whales, but if you swap in an easier question—
I mean, it’s not hard to figure out how to print out a flyer, or make a five dollar donation, or some stupid shit like that. Join a Facebook group. March in a protest, carry a sign. Get in a fight with your relatives at Thanksgiving, as if that actually makes a difference. If you make the distance from point A to point B small enough, anybody can find that bright, clear line.
Most people don’t even notice themselves doing it. They’re just—caught up in the moment. In the feeling of accomplishment, the thrill of knowing the answer, knowing what to do next. It feels so much better to be doing something, you know?
You can fill up a whole lifetime full of doing, if you don’t ever stop to ask what you’re doing, why you’re doing it. If you don’t ever bother to zoom out, and check to see whether it adds up to anything at all.
If I was honest with myself—
—and I do try to be honest with myself, I really do—
—that was the real reason why I’d spent the last couple of months making an army of clones. Not because I had a goal in mind. Not because I had any specific reason to believe it would help. Just because it was something, you know?
It was something I could already do, with the tools I had at hand, something better than just sitting around watching the heart monitors go beep. It was a step in a direction that felt like forward, even though it wasn’t toward anything in particular.
It was hard to go toward, these days. It got harder day by day, as the big picture got more and more complicated. Used to be, the goal was to hurt the Yeerks and free as many humans as we could. That was straightforward enough.
But now—
I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. ‘Stop Visser Three,’ sure, but—stop him from doing what, exactly? Stop him how?
And so a part of me—
—a small part—
—a part that the rest of me was suspicious of, and watching closely—
—a part of me was relieved to have the scope narrowed down for once. To have it narrowed down for me, so that I didn’t have to feel guilty about ignoring the bigger picture. To have a simple, straightforward problem to deal with.
Point A: the eleven of us—Jake, Helium, and eight more of me, not counting the three that had broken off—stuck at the top of the valley.
Point B: Jake and Helium—at least—alive and well at the bottom.
I could work with that. And when we finished up with this little side quest, however many of us made it out alive—
Well. The rest of the war would still be there.
‹Shade here,› said a voice. ‹Crossing the boundary now. Catch you on the flip side, over.›
I turned my head to watch as the tiny black shape banked away from me, fluttering downhill toward the trees. I carried on straight for another twenty seconds, then folded my wings and followed suit.
‹Hedwig here,› I called out. ‹Crossing the boundary now, over.›
‹Good luck, Marco,› Jake whispered.
Down, down, down—an endless dive, picking up speed as I followed the steep slant of the forest floor. Down into the twilight, the bright, sunlit meadows vanishing behind me.
If you squinted a little, you could almost convince yourself that it was Earth. The last remnants of sky were blue, if a little too dark. The trees were definitely trees, even if no ordinary tree had ever come close to being that thick around. The mulch on the forest floor was just mulch. Even the ground—if you ignored the fact that the whole world was tilted, that the hillside went on and on in both directions as far as the eye could see, smooth as a playground slide—
I mean, still. There are probably places on Earth like that, right?
But no forest on Earth had ever been this quiet.
You know how they always say ‘it’s too quiet’ right before the jump scare?
It was too quiet.
Not a bird, not a bug, not a single alien squirrel. Even the wind seemed subdued, the breeze broken and diminished by the endless ranks of hundred-foot-wide trunks. If the canopy was rustling, it was too far away for my owl-ears to pick it up.
And once you noticed the silence, you couldn’t help but notice the rest.
Like the giant leaves littering the hillside, each one bigger than an umbrella. Or the way those leaves fell just a tiny bit too slowly, the gravity juuuust close enough to Earth’s gravity that it was easy to forget and get surprised all over again.
Or like how there were no other plants in the forest at all. No bushes, no ferns, no flowers or vines. Not even any saplings or seedlings that I could see—just giant, silent pillars of wood, stretching up for what might have actually been miles.
I shivered.
There was this book that my mom used to read to me, back when I was little. Like six or seven years old, you know? It was about a boy who listened to the devil and snuck off into a forbidden forest.
Like, right out of the gate. The book led with that.
And I remember—I couldn’t remember much about the book, but I remembered this one part—it talked about how creepy quiet the forest was. Like being among the dead men in an enormous green cathedral, or something like that.
And then there was, like, one sound. One tiny, faint, distant sound, and the boy just stood there listening, trying to figure out what it was, losing second after second as some giant, fire-breathing, man-eating monster got closer and closer and closer—
I couldn’t remember what happened to the little boy. But I remembered the nightmares, and I remembered what the forest had looked like, in the drawing in the book, and as I dropped deeper and deeper into the valley, I had never been so grateful to have wings.
‹Shade,› I called out. ‹This is Hedwig. You there?›
There was no answer.
That wasn’t surprising—I said to myself, firmly and deliberately—after all, the bat morph was a lot faster than my owl, and I’d probably flown another two hundred yards before turning into the woods anyway, and neither one of us was maintaining anything like a straight line as we zigged and zagged around the giant trees, he was probably half a mile away at this point at least—
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
My head snapped around entirely of its own accord, my eyes automatically trying to focus and finding nothing to focus on. Below me, the mist was thickening, had already completely obscured the slanted forest floor.
But it didn’t do much to dampen sound.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
Something was moving beneath the slow-motion cascade, cutting across the slope at about two o’clock, maybe another couple hundred yards downhill. Flaring my wings, I leveled out, the mist falling away as I banked toward an outcrop of bark on the side of one of the massive trees.
Tk-k-t-tk. Tk-k-t-tk.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
It was fast, whatever it was—unnervingly fast. Beneath the layer of my control, I felt the owl mind trying to make sense of it, to square it with the terrestrial wildlife it had evolved to understand. From the sound of it, the unknown creature was no larger than a fox, but it would take an ordinary fox at least twice the time to cover that distance. And there was something wrong with the creature’s odd triplicate cadence, something that didn’t sound to the owl like legs—
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
I turned my head to look back uphill. There were still fragments of sunlight there, just barely visible in the spaces between the most distant trees, maybe a mile and a half away.
I looked down—
The mist is not a natural phenomenon, Helium had said. It’s a gaseous suspension produced by the trees themselves, oxygen-rich and moisture heavy. It seeps out through the cracks in the bark and flows downhill toward the Arn settlements, growing thicker and deeper the lower you go.
I couldn’t see the ground, but the owl’s instincts told me that the drifting blanket was already five or ten feet thick, maybe as much as fifteen. Soon—according to Helium—I would need to drop into that innocent-looking blueness, and stay within it for the rest of my journey. The Hork-Bajir settlements began about two miles into the forest, and the Yeerks would have put all sorts of defensive tech in the branches beneath them—cameras, drones, autonomous artillery. The only way to escape notice was to go where the Yeerks wouldn’t bother to look, where the conventional wisdom said that no enemy intruder could possibly survive—
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t.
I shivered again. The fear was coming back, stronger this time, piggybacking on my memories of the book—the book, and all the other half-forgotten fears of my childhood, Jumanji and Jaws and Tremors, Alien and Pitch Black and Cloverfield and Starship Troopers, razor claws and dripping teeth, every lurking horror that I’d ever imagined or seen on screen—
—or worse, experienced in person—a memory I’d squashed so hard that I literally hadn’t even thought of it since, except in my nightmares—the pitch-black tunnels under the Yeerk pool—ravenous monsters crawling closer in the dark—the sound of Jake’s scream, of Jake being eaten—
—all of that and more, it all came seeping in, leaking in through the cracks of my composure, and meanwhile the tk-k-t-tk had gotten closer, had passed right under my perch and was still only a stone’s throw away, if it weren’t for the mist we’d be looking right at each other—
I had faced death before. But this was different. This wasn’t guns or knives or Hork-Bajir blades, wasn’t clean or noble or sensible. This was a deep, visceral awareness that I was no longer at the top of the food chain—the raw, primal fear of predators lurking just out of sight. If I’d been in my own body, I probably would have been in the middle of a panic attack; it was only the owl’s absence of awareness that was keeping me grounded and sane.
You have to fly past it, you know.
I knew.
You have to fly past it, to find out whether it can hear you, whether it can catch you, whether it’s safe for the others to use the owl morph.
I knew. I knew it was true—knew that I would take off, in just a few more seconds—knew that I was, truly, ready to die for this mission. For that clear, bright line.
But at the same time—
I don’t know how to say it.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
It was like I owed it to myself to sit there for just one more moment. For what might very well be one of the last moments of my life. Owed it to myself to let the fear—the truth of the fear—to let it in, let it really hit me. It was like a tribute, a memorial—a brief honoring of what I was about to put at risk, what I was maybe about to sacrifice.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
It is horrible, I whispered to myself. It’s horrible and frightening and you have every right to be scared, it’s right to be scared, but it doesn’t matter, you’re going to do it anyway, because—
I had already launched myself off of my perch.
—you know if you don’t, then Jake will.
That was all that mattered, at this point. Not prophecies, not principles, not armies or empires. This wasn’t about the war at all, except in some distant, abstract sense. It was about my friend, and whether or not I could do anything to keep him alive.
Down I drifted, utterly silent in the air.
The bat for raw speed and maneuverability, said the Marco who’d provided the morphs. But the owl for stealth. This thing can fly two feet in front of your nose and you won’t hear a thing.
I was still afraid—still terrified—but as I dropped into the mist, the fear seemed to change, transforming from a solid barrier in front of me to a kind of crackling, electric awareness all around me. I was in it, now—had switched from freeze to flight, and the fear, instead of holding me back, had mutated into pure fuel.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
The sound was louder now, and I could hear other sounds underneath it—gurgling fluid, rushing air, something that might be the alien equivalent of a heartbeat. I twitched a wing, tilted my tail, settled into a course that should take me right past it.
Pictures taken seconds before disaster, said some demented, inconsequential corner of my brain.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk.
I had already started banking by the time I saw it, looming up out of the mist—a set of upright, insectile legs—a flash of mottled carapace—a low-slung, armored body that seemed to be facing away from me—
—and was way, way bigger than a fox—
I blew past the alien creature at what felt like at least thirty miles per hour, turning downhill, skimming across the mulch for a terrifying, exhilarating dozen yards before pulling up to a cruising height of maybe ten feet, still matching the steep slope of the valley floor.
I wasn’t thinking in words—no complicated sentences like did it see me—but every last scrap of my attention was focused behind me, waiting to hear the tk-k-t-tk of the creature’s motion, or a cry of alarm, or any sign that it had noticed me—
Nothing.
Seconds passed.
I let out a mental sigh—
TREE!
I heard it maybe a second before I saw it—a sort of looming flatness in the feel of the air in front of me—and then it came roaring at me out of the mist, a vast, flat wall far too wide to dodge around—
It was too late. Too late to do anything but flare my wings, bleeding off a fraction of my speed before—
CRUNCH.
Pain.
Maybe I tried to cling to the bark. Maybe I tried to flap my wings. I wasn’t sure—couldn’t be sure, through the searing, blinding, deafening, all-encompassing pain.
I was on the ground—
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk-k-t-tk—
Shit.
I tried to roll over—
Pain.
To sit up—
Pain.
Tk-k-t-tk-k-t-TK-K-T-TK—
I braced myself, some part of me trying to calculate the distance, to estimate how many seconds I had left—
‹EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—›
It was a hail-mary, a half-court shot—a last, desperate hope. None of us had ever managed to fully mimic Garrett’s thought-scream, but I’d been studying it, learning from his memories, practicing on birds and fish. Letting the fear drive me, I tried my best to unseal every gate inside my mind, to tap into my pain and rage and frantic will-to-live, to pour all of it into the single loudest mental sound I’d ever tried to make.
TK-K-T-whumpf. Tk-k-t-tk-k-whumpf.
‹—EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—›
Sounds of scrabbling, scrambling—the movements of uncoordinated limbs, the slide of chitin against bark.
‹—EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—›
I kept screaming for as long as I could—screamed until there had been nothing but silence for long, long, seconds, until the feel of the owl body dying out from under me could no longer be ignored.
‹—EEEEEEEEESUS CHRIST! FUCK, fuck, Jesus fucking Christ FUCK—›
I began to demorph, my thoughts slipping and sliding past each other, rattling around like bottles on the floor of a car. That had been too close, way too close—if I’d hit the tree a little harder, been just a little more impaired—
I turned my head, ignoring the explosions of pain, trying to track the alien creature before I lost touch with the owl body’s super-hearing. It didn’t sound like the thing was going to get up and come after me, but—
Fuck, shit, fuck, Jesus, holy fucking shit—
I gritted my rapidly emerging teeth. At this point, there was literally nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t stay in a dying body, and we’d decided in advance not to give any of our limited stash of guns and knives to the vanguard, since the odds were that we were just going to die anyway—
Goddamn fucking fuckery full of FUCK—
I lay as still as I could as the morph progressed, as the frantic, gibbering panic abated, softening back into ordinary terror. How long had it been? Thirty seconds? Forty?
Fucking died DEAD, DEAD, fucking dead done finished done over FUCK—
I could hear the feeble rustlings of the creature, unnervingly loud and close in the stillness, and off in the distance—
My heart sank.
In a minute, I told myself—
FUCK your minute, Jango Fett fuck, one time fucking fake photocopy fuck—
It felt like I had been broken into pieces, knocked out of alignment, my inner voices split apart and turned in opposite directions.
In a minute, the first voice repeated, along with a mental hint of warning, you’re going to have a decision to make.
I sat up—slowly, carefully, my still-growing body wedged into the corner between the steep slope and the sheer vertical wall of the tree.
Remorph the owl and keep going downhill. Remorph the owl and head back up. Morph something that can fight. Stay human, acquire the bug.
I leaned back against the tree, looking up the slope as my eyes melted from owl to human.
I couldn’t see anything. The ground in front of me sloped upward into the blueness, completely invisible past maybe ten feet.
But I could hear.
The creature, no more than twenty or thirty feet away. And further beyond that—further downhill—
Sounds of movement. Distant. Faint. But definitely there. And unless I was totally losing it, just making things up in my fear and confusion, they were headed my way.
No time you have no time—
If I went back now—turned uphill and just flew back to the rendezvous—
What could I tell them? Just that the owl morph wasn’t safe, which they were going to find out anyway—that was the default assumption, if I didn’t make it back.
Yeah, okay, but it’s not just about THEM, there’s also YOUR life to consider—
Except—
Except there wasn’t. Not really. If I went back now, we’d just have to turn right around and come back into the woods anyway, and we still wouldn’t really know what we were up against, and this time Jake would be right there, too, would be vulnerable—
I took a step away from the tree, immediately missing its firm, reassuring presence at my back. The mulch slid a little under me, and I leaned forward to rest my hands against the slope.
Fuck.
I ran. Ran, slipping and sliding—ran on all fours, tearing my way crosswise up the slope. I was still scared—could feel it in the trembling of my hands, the dryness of my mouth, the electric thrum of adrenaline in my blood—but the fear was distant, muffled, irrelevant.
Still, I almost screamed when the creature faded into view—almost, but I caught myself, caught the sound at the last possible second as I saw that it wasn’t really moving, was just sort of twitching and writhing on the forest floor. Giving myself no time to look, no time to even think, I lunged forward, grasping one of its—
—who gives a shit what you call it—
—one of its legs, whatever, keeping my other hand up as a guard as I began to acquire it.
The other noises were growing louder, now—were distinct enough that I could tell that there was more than one of whatever-it-was—one in the front, and others further behind.
Releasing the buglike appendage, I scrambled around the creature and crawled another dozen yards up the slope, remembering the monsters beneath the Yeerk pool—the ones who’d stopped to eat their dead and wounded, buying us time.
Fuck shit fuck shit not okay not okay at all gonna die gonna get eaten alive—
I began to morph again, settling on the bat without any conscious deliberation, my thoughts all coming after the decision, as if I was explaining to myself why it was the right call. Speed—I needed speed, and the ability to dodge trees in the mist. The bat could break a hundred miles per hour in level flight—heading downhill, it might be able to do as much as one-twenty.
Get as far as you can, learn as much as you can, try to get back alive.
It was a tense ninety seconds, but the oncoming creatures were still well below me by the time the morph completed. Flapping awkwardly, I sprang forward into the air, grateful for the additional help of the slope.
Squeak.
The picture came back, a single freeze-frame image, every outline crisp and sharp. The buglike monster below me. The trees around me. The hazy shimmer that marked the border of the mist above.
Squeak.
The first of the oncoming nightmares—a predator roughly the size and shape of a lion, but where the lion’s head would be, there was only a gaping mouth, surrounded by four arm-like appendages that were already reaching out to grab the collapsed, twitching bug-thing—
It was behind me already, behind and above me as I dove downward into the valley, riding the edge of the mist, staying as high as I could. Ten feet, twelve feet, fifteen feet—each inch bringing with it a tiny scrap of relief, a microscopic lessening of fear as I moved further out of reach of predators on the ground.
Squeak.
I passed another pair of monsters, also headed uphill—these looking almost like normal Earth alligators, except that their legs were as long as a horse’s. They seemed to hear the sounds of my echolocation, but did little besides glance upward as I left them in the dust.
Squeak.
What seemed like another nondescript acre of hillside, except that the echoes told me there were hollows beneath the mulch—dozens of them, maybe hundreds, each covered by a patch of some thin, unknown material. I kept my distance.
Squeak.
At close to a hundred miles per hour, it took only about a second to pass each of the giant trees, and only a few seconds to cover the distances between them. Thirty seconds in, and the mist had thickened to something like thirty or forty feet. And as the mist grew thicker, so did the wildlife—by the time I had been flying for a minute, the hillside beneath me was as thickly populated as an African savannah on a Discovery Channel special.
Squeak.
And not just the hillside, but the trees themselves—creatures boring into the trees, or occupying strange coral-like growths, or stringing vast gossamer webs between them.
Squeak.
I was squeaking and chirping almost nonstop, and still I was barely able to process what I was seeing—by the time a creature came into ‘view’ around one of the trees, it was only a second or two away from me, and I would often get as few as two or three snapshots of it before it was already beneath me, then behind me.
Squeak.
A trio of lithe, scaled predators—like raptors, but with one leg shorter than the other, as if permanently adapted to facing only one way on the steep slope.
Squeak.
A skittering insectoid like the one I had acquired, somehow rolling like a tumbleweed as it chased after a number of squirrel-sized rodents with six legs each.
Squeak.
‹AHHHH!›
It was like a frog’s tongue, but a hundred feet long—aimed exactly where I would have been, had my echolocation not warned me just in time. I dodged—another one!—juked—another one!—turned completely upside-down—another one!
And I was past them.
It was surreal, how quickly the dangers arose and how quickly they fell behind—like the most intense video game I had ever played. There was no time for thought, no time for fear, no time for anything except the next moment, the next tree, the next monster.
A flock of avians, bursting forth from pecked hollows in one of the trees, shrieking like Native Americans in some old western movie—but they weren’t fast enough to catch me, and a larger avian dropped out of the mist, dragging one of them down to the ground.
A blob of black venom, fired up out of a deep, dark hole between two giant roots.
A hulking giant, like the offspring of a troll and a dinosaur, so wide and tall that I turned tail entirely, looping around one of the giant trees to pass through a different gap.
And not just hunting me. Not even mostly hunting me. For the most part, they were hunting each other, with fewer than one in ten of them taking a pass at me or even bothering to notice as I flew past. I saw more of the avians, trapped in a web that spanned a gap the size of a football field. I saw a flock of what seemed like giant hedgehogs, swarming over the corpse of something both dragon-sized and dragon-shaped. I saw something like a six-legged boar chasing after an eight-legged rabbit, only to be ensnared by a writhing mass of thorny, muscular vines that had been lying hidden just beneath the mulch. The violence was insane, unreal—even accounting for how quickly I was passing through it, all of the distance I was covering, it seemed impossible, unsustainable. And all of it invisible, hidden by the mist, perceived entirely in the colorless snapshots of echolocation, an endless slideshow of carnage.
It wasn’t until I tried to turn that I realized—
The bat was faster than anything the forest had to offer. Faster and more maneuverable, capable of detecting and dodging all of the hidden traps, all of the various predators. And although I was tired, I could feel that I had energy yet—enough to make it all the way through to the bottom. This planet might have monsters that could eat an elephant in a single gulp, but in the air, I had superiority.
But that was going down.
I turned, flying parallel to the slope for a minute, hoping to get away from the column of creatures that had just seen me fly past. Then I turned further, angling my body uphill, shooting for the gap between two giant trees. Almost immediately, a pair of—
—spider-monkey spiders—
—detached themselves from the tree on the right and sailed toward me, trailing gossamer threads behind them. I dodged—barely—then dodged again as a—
—bark wolf?
—burst out of a shallow hollow in the ground, its jaws snapping shut a millimeter away from my face.
I could feel the strain in my muscles, the drop in my speed—I was going fifty miles per hour if I was lucky, and there was no way I could keep it up for long.
Fuck.
If I’d had a human mouth, I might have laughed. It was just—just perfect, you know? Perfect in that perfectly fucked-up way that I couldn’t help but find funny.
Maybe they’ll figure it out, I thought, as I curved around another giant trunk and pointed my nose downward once more. Jake and the others. Maybe they’ll realize.
But of course they wouldn’t. We’d agreed, after all—if neither of us makes it back, that means that flying doesn’t work.
I didn’t have much space left for thinking, once I got back up to full speed. And I wasn’t much for promises or threats, either. But—
To do what you do, the avatar had said. To act as seems appropriate, under the circumstances.
I didn’t know what I’d find at the bottom of the valley. But if Helium was right, all of the death and horror I was witnessing were artificial. Had been created, by the puppetmasters at the center of the rift.
Normally, I try not to be too judgmental. Live and let live, you know? Different strokes for different folks.
But my best friend was up there, and in a few hours, he was going to be fighting his way downhill through this meat grinder. Slowly. Painfully. Dangerously.
And if he didn’t make it through—
Well. Under the circumstances, there were a lot of responses I would be willing to call appropriate.
I might even pick up a couple of new morphs along the way.
* * *
—34359738368—
“Jake?”
I watched as my doppelganger approached my friend—
Our friend.
—his shoulders tense, his movements radiating a kind of awkward uncertainty.
So that’s what that looks like from the outside.
“Jake,” he repeated.
Jake didn’t move, and for a moment the other me looked up, locked eyes with—
I turned to the Marco beside me, just in time to see the Marco beside him turn to look, too—
—our eyes met—
—rolled precisely identical amounts in exactly opposite directions—
—which caused both of us to snort—
—after which, entirely independently, each of us raised a hand into the air, two fingers extended, and twitched them, just as the Marco between us said, his voice heavy and tired—
“Fuck off.”
There was a pause.
“God damn it, do I have to say it?”
Giggles.
“Fine. ‘Twice.’ Can we stop doing this, already?”
More giggles.
The Marco gritted his teeth.
The silence stretched out, expectant.
“Fine!” he snapped “‘Twice!’ Again! Come on, I know this is getting old for you, too.”
This time the silence was thicker, more contemplative.
“Nah, it doesn’t work,” said another Marco.
“Not as funny if you force it,” another agreed.
A moment, as it sunk in—
“God damn it,” I said, along with six other voices.
And somehow that did it. For the moment, we were free again.
It was strange, being around six clones of yourself. Or rather, six clones of my self—I honestly wasn’t sure whether Jake or Rachel or Tobias would have had anything like the experience I was having, under the same circumstances.
It was like having a song stuck in your head, only it was worse than that. Like if having a song stuck in your head had a baby with having a rock in your shoe. All the little random snippets of thought that were constantly floating through my mind—all the memes and comebacks and old movie quotes and off-color jokes—all the things that would usually just float right back out of my head, unspoken and unremembered—
Suddenly, I knew that someone else was thinking them, too. Six other someones, in fact. And they knew that I was thinking them, and we each knew that the others knew that we were thinking them, and somehow that—
I dunno. It made them more real, or something. Made all the little bits of mental fluff stick, made them stick around. It was like if somebody got up and sang Gonna take my horse to the—
—and then just stopped.
It was unbearable. Literally unbearable—we’d tried resisting, at first. But somehow, that just made it worse. It was like trying not to think of a pink elephant—you could get away with it for a few seconds, but it just got harder and harder and harder—
That’s what she said.
Now, we were just giving in. Going along with it. The meme would seize us, and we’d play it out, and then we’d be free again—for a minute, or five, or ten, until something else triggered it.
Like I triggered your MOM last night.
The worst part was, this—this thing that was happening, it had absolutely no regard whatsoever for mood, no sense of decency or propriety. It didn’t care in the slightest that—
“Jake. It’s been five hours, man.”
“I know.”
I could see in the other Marco exactly how I felt, hearing that voice—the way he very specifically didn’t flinch, the way he was almost able to cover up his helpless need-to-help, the almost frantic desire to do something to take that dull, leaden quality back out of his best friend’s voice—
“Yeah, well. I hate to put this all on you, but. We kind of need our fearless leader to say go.”
Jake lifted his head slowly, his expression tired. “They’re dead,” he said flatly, looking my doppelganger straight in the eye. “Right? I mean, that’s what we’ve got to assume.”
The other Marco shifted uncomfortably.
I didn’t blame him. I didn’t know what to say, either.
The truth was—
—and this was embarrassing—
—we’d kind of cooled off in the intervening six or seven hours. Since yelling at Jake to take it seriously, I mean. Yelling at him—apparently—successfully.
It’s not that we’d stopped taking it seriously ourselves. It’s just that—after a while, it kind of fades into the background, you know? You’re mad about it, you know you’re mad about it, you know you’re going to keep being mad about it, but if there’s not any way to do anything about that, eventually you just—
Cool off.
Besides, it was a little bit different for us. I mean, everything we’d said before—about this being the avatar’s fault, about it being unnecessary, malicious even—
That was all still true. But from the inside—
Every single one of us had killed “Marco” at least thirty or forty times by now. Every one of us had thirty or forty memories of waking up copies of ourselves in morph armor to ask them for advice, use them to think something through, and then—
I mean, it’s not like we had a choice. That’s how the morphing tech works.
But it meant that, despite everything we’d said to Jake, it really was starting to feel like—
Well. Not like we were spares, exactly. Not like seven copies of one person. More like—like one person in seven bodies. Like there really was just one individual there, like there was some essential thing that was “Marco,” and instead of plugging into the rest of the universe in one spot, it was now plugging in through all seven of us. The same software, running on seven different machines.
Which really did make it hurt less, somehow, imagining two of me dying in the forest. Even imagining dying myself. Because—I dunno—if it happened, the ur-Marco would still exist, or something? Like, I’d only be losing half of what people usually lose, when they die. I’d be losing the first-person experience, the chance to live the life myself.
But the things that I wanted for their own sake—
—like keeping Jake alive—
—it’s like, if you think of the universe as this vast bucket full of LEGO, and everybody’s wandering through it, and some people are sticking pieces together, making spaceships and castles and train sets, and other people are knocking things down, or tinkering with the color of the hills, making little surgical changes—
—every choice that I would make, wandering through that landscape, the other Marcos would make too. Including choices about where to go, inside the bucket. They’d follow the same paths, build the same spaceships, help the same people, make the same judgments I’d make about right and wrong and everything in between.
And even if we all kicked it—we’d made thirty-seven copies of ourself, back on Earth, and the little blue fucker had only brought twelve of us. That might mean that the other twenty-six were all dead, but probably at least some of them just hadn’t woken up, yet. And even if none of them ever did, Tobias still had the cube.
That helped, given what we were up against. It helped a lot.
“All right, then,” said Jake, breaking the silence. “Everybody knows the plan. Saddle up.”
With barely a whisper, Helium dropped down out of the sky and landed among the flowers, blue fur already beginning to show between his feathers. As he grew, Jake shrank, his skin darkening, the bones of his hands thinning and stretching in a way that was horribly reminiscent of Freddy Krueger.
The other Marcos were changing, too—two of them seeming to melt and deflate while the other four were swelling, their absolutely identical nature vanishing briefly as each progressed through the morph in slightly different ways.
As for myself, I closed my eyes and focused on my most recent acquisition—Marco 2199023255552, who had woken up eighteen days ago in a hospital in Botswana and had been looking for a way to make contact with the German government when we’d all been yanked away.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw Helium, halfway from Andalite to Hork-Bajir, a Glock 21 in each hand and a tiny bat on his shoulder, next to four outrageously massive gorillas—two of them gently settling large snakes into makeshift bandoliers—all standing awkwardly in what could have been a queen’s flower garden, if it hadn’t been tilted forty degrees to the right.
“You know,” I said out loud, bending down to pick up our single stolen Dracon beam. “If you think about it, gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques, so we’ve probably never seen one at full strength.”
I grinned, knowing as I did that the rest of them were all—inevitably—thinking the same thing—
“Of course I did,” I said.
‹Did what?› asked Helium.
‹They were all thinking, did you really wait until none of us had mouths just so you could be the only one to say that,› said a weary voice.
‹Wait. Was that the voice of our fearless leader?›
‹Marco, I might not be a copy of you, but I’ve known you for a very long time. Is it out of your system yet?›
Out of your MOM’s system—
Like my mom would ever let you into her system—
What can I say? The system’s corrupt, and I know how to work it—
Like I worked your MOM last night—
‹Twice,› came a chorus of voices.
‹Yeah,› I said. ‹Sorry.›
‹This is unsettling,› said probably-Helium.
‹At least this way he’s not making us participate,› Jake grumbled.
We Marcos exchanged glances. That had sounded just put-upon enough that we were pretty sure it was on purpose, which meant that Jake was playing along, which meant that he had shaken it off and was back to normal, at least mostly.
Which maybe wasn’t the best place to be right before we all threw ourselves into the meat grinder. But it was better than that dull deflated already-defeated thing.
‹Anybody got anything else to say? Last thoughts? Tweaks to the plan?›
‹Other than—›
‹Other than the speech from Independence Day, yes.›
I laughed aloud as the others chuckled telepathically.
The silence stretched out.
‹All right, then. Let’s go.›
* * *
—137438953472 —
Somehow, I ended up in front.
I mean, one way or another, “I” would have ended up in front. But it was interesting to see the difference it made. How taking up that position, assuming that role, broke the symmetry between me and the other Marcos.
‹Next tree…ten o’clock, two hundred feet away. Another one at noon-thirty that’s maybe four hundred,› said Jake, from atop Helium’s shoulder.
‹Any signs of life yet?›
‹Still clear so far.›
‹Let’s go for the long shot.›
It didn’t mean much, by itself—being out front. We were a pretty tight little group, never more than seven or eight feet away from each other, and if something was going to attack us, there was no guarantee it’d come from straight ahead. It was probably more likely to come from the sides, or from above, all things considered.
But still. I was the one piercing that opaque, perilous frontier. I was the closest to whatever unknown dangers lay ahead.
I used to be scared of the dark, you know. Like any kid. Zombies, vampires, things that go bump in the night.
My mom would make me drag the garbage can down to the street, so that it could be picked up the next morning. Made me wait until after dinner, so I could throw in the last bag from the kitchen. All the way down that long, dark driveway, with the trees looming overhead and the house looking so small, so far away, that one bright light over the front door casting everything in creepy shadows.
I’d tremble, stepping across the threshold, hearing the door swing shut behind me. I always started out slow. Slow is good. Once you start speeding up, the panic sets in, and pretty soon you’re running, and you know it’s going to catch you right on the doorstep—
But one night—
I can’t remember why I had the thought. Don’t remember where it came from. Maybe some movie I’d watched—Blade, or It, or something.
But anyway, that night, I decided that I was going to be the hunter. I snuck a steak knife out of the kitchen drawer, tucked it into my belt. Decided that any monster that came after me was going to get what was coming to it, that even if I died I was going to go down fighting.
And as I walked down to the curb, everything was different. I still heard every sound, tracked every rustle in the leaves, every chirp and chitter coming from the woods. But they weren’t threats anymore. They were clues. They were the sounds of monsters too dumb to keep quiet, too dumb to let me know they were leading me right to them.
Or at least, that was the fantasy. I mean, I didn’t actually go running off into the woods or anything. I don’t think I even pulled the knife out of my belt.
But that’s because I didn’t have to. It was my darkness, after that.
There’s the kind of fear that stops you from walking down to the end of the driveway in the first place—the kind of fear that’s designed to protect you, keep you out of danger, keep you safe.
It was the other kind of fear that I let go of, that night.
And being in front, as we crawled down the endless slope, slipping and sliding and bumping into each other—
It was sort of like that.
I didn’t have any illusions. I knew that a gorilla was no match for the kinds of monsters Helium had described. I knew that I wasn’t in control.
But like—
That was the game.
Most of the time, I think, when people are miserable or suffering or whatever, it’s because their minds are trying to—I dunno—just magically teleport them into a better universe, or something? Like some part of them still believes that if they just sad hard enough, they’ll somehow be able to undo it, travel back in time and make the other choice.
Once you let that go, and really start playing the game that you’re actually in—
Sooner or later, we were going to find the enemy. And when that happened, it was more important that I kill them than that I stop them from killing me.
After all, I was the vanguard.
‹Wait,› said a voice.
We all halted.
‹What?› I said, speaking up for all of us.
‹The tree we’re heading toward. There’s stuff moving in the bark.›
‹Moving? Moving how?›
‹Crawling back and forth. Up and down.›
‹Like bugs?›
Jake squeaked some more.
‹Like dog-sized bugs,› he said.
‹Have they noticed us?› I asked. ‹Like, are they reacting to your echolocation?›
‹Not yet.›
There was a brief pause.
‹Left or right?›
‹Right,› Jake answered.
We turned and began slip-slide-scrambling along the slope, unable to keep from angling downhill as we went. Around us, the mist was darkening, though I couldn’t tell whether the sun was going down or whether we were just getting too deep for light to penetrate.
‹Anybody know any camp songs?›
There was a halfhearted ripple of laughter, and then silence again.
‹Wait.›
Again we stopped.
‹Something’s tracking us. Can’t really tell if it’s following my squeaks or if it senses us some other way. Um. Three of them—okay, I see them. Three of them. Coming from downhill, two o’clock.›
We shifted position, forming up with Helium, Jake, and Marco-with-a-Dracon-beam-callsign-Simo-Häyhä in the center, and the four of us in gorilla morph in a diamond around them.
‹They’re about wolf-sized,› Jake continued. ‹Hundred and twenty yards, incoming at—jogging speed—maybe thirty or forty more seconds—›
I could hear them now. Gorillas have excellent hearing—they have to, since visibility in the jungle is often barely any better than it is when you’re surrounded by mist. Beneath the surface, I felt the gorilla’s instincts stir, felt my body grow tense as the soft patter grew closer.
‹Get ready.›
The rustling of mulch was clearer now, was so loud and sharp that it seemed impossible that we couldn’t see them, the mist wasn’t that thick—
‹What—›
The sound split, footsteps passing by on either side of me, heading uphill.
‹They’re coming around from the top!›
Height advantage.
Easier to strafe past your target heading downhill, rather than up—
But—
I thought I’d only heard two sets of footsteps go past me. Two evenly-matched sets, one on each side—
In a flash, a tiny fraction of a second, I considered asking Jake to check again, then discarded the idea—by the time I conveyed what I wanted him to tell me—
‹They’re turning—fifteen yards—›
I stayed facing downhill as I heard two other gorillas roar, as bodies crashed against the mulch and against each other, as the Dracon beam fired and something gave an alien shriek—
Come and get it, motherfucker.
There was sudden noise as the third predator leapt up from wherever it had gone to ground, leapt up and came barreling up the slope, visible for less than a second as it lunged at me like a jumping spider, all teeth and tentacles—
I twisted out of the way just as the jaws snapped shut, my hand flashing out to snatch at the root of one of the tentacles. Whirling, I slammed the creature into the slope and brought my other fist crashing down in the middle of its back.
Let me tell you this: gorillas are strong.
I felt the creature’s bones snap like twigs beneath my fist. Lifting it up into the air, I slammed it down again, then dropped my fist into it again. It twitched once, and then lay still.
‹Company,› said Jake. ‹We’re drawing attention.›
I turned to look uphill at the others, saw the bodies of the other two predators—one smashed flat like mine, the other burned and cut by laser fire. One of the gorillas was bleeding, a trio of long, deep cuts running across its chest.
‹Are you—›
‹I’m good to move. Jake?›
‹We’re in a clearing right now,› he said, his words fast and clipped. ‹We’ve got—›
‹Don’t waste the time,› I broke in. ‹Just pick.›
‹Okay. Okay. Right. We’re gonna stand our ground. But if we do have to run, head down and to the right.›
‹What’s incoming?›
‹One bogey, quadruped, maybe—maybe hippo-sized? Long neck, long tail, armored back—›
‹Where?›
‹Straight right.›
We reshuffled, turning to put Jake and the injured Marco at the back of the formation. I could feel my heart pounding, feel adrenaline burning through the gorilla’s veins. It was happening fast, too fast—the previous attack had lasted maybe ten seconds and it had only been thirty seconds since it ended—
‹Wait. I want to try—Simo, get in front. Quick.›
I moved aside as the Marco with the gun stepped past me.
‹Raise your arm to fire. Okay. Up. Higher—there. Now left a little—back—stop! Ready?›
‹Ready.›
‹Fire.›
TSEWWWWW!
The beam lanced out, vanishing into the mist.
‹Down a hair—›
TSEWWWWW!
‹Stop. You got it, it’s down.›
We could all hear it—the sound of something sliding and tumbling downhill—something big. The sound grew fainter and fainter, until—
THMP.
‹Tree?›
‹Yeah.›
‹Anything else?›
‹Hang on.›
There was a soft fluttering as Jake took to the air. I bit back a curse, and knew that the others were doing the same.
Too fast, this is happening too fast, if something else comes along—
I tried to squash the thought. The whole point of having Jake in bat morph was to prevent things from sneaking up on us. He’d be fine, he’d be back in a second, he’d know if there were any other threats nearby—
But that wasn’t really the thing. It was more about the way the two consecutive attacks had come out of nowhere, how quickly we’d had to go from zero to sixty. Even with Jake watching, it wouldn’t take all that much for us to be overwhelmed—
‹I don’t see anything,› Jake said, reemerging from the mist and settling back onto Helium’s shoulder. ‹But we’re in it now. I say we keep moving.›
Do we—
‹Do we want to acquire the thing we just shot?› someone asked.
‹Not big enough.›
I felt a chill.
We began moving again, angling down and to the right, sometimes sliding ten or fifteen feet downhill before managing to dig into the mulch enough to brake. I felt disoriented, off-balance. My heart was still pounding from the previous attacks, and it took two or three minutes for the adrenaline to clear out of my bloodstream, for my thoughts to get themselves back into something resembling order.
Fast—
There was something wrong about how quickly the two attacks had happened. The monsters—the first three, and then the fourth one after—they hadn’t waited, hadn’t hesitated, hadn’t even paused to scope out the situation. They’d just charged straight in, already in kill mode, like the raptors from Jurassic Park.
Animals didn’t behave like that. Not real animals. There wasn’t a predator on Earth that did that—was there?
Ants, maybe? Sharks, once there’s blood in the water?
I shook my head. I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was missing something, something critical—
‹Crap.›
‹What?›
‹We’re gonna—okay, turn downslope. Everybody, straight down, right now.›
We turned. ‹What’s going on?› I asked.
‹We’re trying to put a tree between us and a—thing.›
That doesn’t sound like—
‹That doesn’t sound like a very permanent solution,› someone said.
‹Shh. Okay, stop—stop!›
We stopped.
‹Where are you—›
‹I need to take a look on the other side of this tree.›
‹Jake—›
‹Stuff it, Marco, I’m a part of this mission same as you.›
This is it. This is where it all unravels. He’s on the wrong side of the tree when something sneaks up on us, or something chases him faster than we can follow, and we all end up scattered and the monsters pick us off one by one—
I ignored the words coming out of the back of my head.
‹Stay put. I’m going to see if I can lead it away.›
‹JAKE!›
There was no answer.
Without a word, without any glances or gestures at all, we decided to circle up, the four of us in gorilla morph elbowing Helium into the center—along with the human-morphed Marco—as we turned to face outward.
‹So, this is not great,› one of me said.
Indistinct noises came floating out of the darkening blue, faint and distant and hard to pinpoint—low rumblings like construction equipment, high-pitched yelps like small dogs barking, the sounds of shifting mulch.
‹Jake?›
Still no answer.
What could we have done differently, what can we do differently now, do we trade a gorilla for a second bat, do we put Jake in gorilla morph, no, the whole point is for him to be mobile if shit hits the fan, okay, do we give up one of the snakes, then—
‹So, uh. Turns out you can heal injuries without demorphing all the way.›
I turned my head.
How did we never test that before?
How is that what you should be focusing on right now?
I closed my eyes, willing the mishmash of soft sounds to resolve itself into some kind of clear picture. It seemed like maybe the low rumbling had moved farther away, and—
‹Does anyone else hear that?› someone asked.
‹Yes,› I answered.
It was a thin, faint—squelching? I couldn’t quite make it out, but it somehow reminded me simultaneously of water gurgling through a hose and the sound of a shovel cutting through damp soil.
‹It’s getting louder.›
‹Does anybody see anything?›
‹Jake! Can you hear us?›
Silence. Well, not silence, but no answer—no answer, and the sound most definitely getting closer, it sounded like it had to be close enough for us to see it, now, even in the misty twilight—
‹FUCK!›
I turned at the sound of a body hitting the slope—hitting the slope, but not sliding—one of the other Marcos had been tripped, was being held in place by—by—
TSEWWWW!
The Marco with the Dracon beam fired, and the—mulch elemental?—recoiled, letting out a shriek like a tea-kettle as the beam severed the tentacle that was wrapped around the gorilla’s leg. It surged backward, not made of mulch so much as passing through the mulch, like a wave—
‹AHHHHH! It’s still got—›
Crack.
We could hear the bone break, even as Helium darted forward to help, as Simo fired two more times into the flat, rippling mass of bark, as one of the other gorillas lunged forward to catch the first gorilla’s hand, to stop him from sliding further down the slope—
Ssssssssssshshshsh ch ch ch ch ch.
The monster reared, making a sound like a rattlesnake as chunks of mulch and bark rubbed past one another.
‹Look out!›
It struck like a snake, lashing out with two long, thin cones of debris that grew thinner and sharper and thinner and sharper as they stretched away from the central mass. One of them flashed past me, toward Simo and the last gorilla, and the other stabbed straight toward my heart—
‹ARRRGHGHHH!›
It took everything I had to keep the scream mental, to keep the gorilla body from howling with pain. I had tried to twist out of the way and had almost made it, but a shard of weathered wood the size of a waffle cone had pierced my shoulder, driven like debris in a hurricane. I felt something surge—
Reacting with sheer, animal instinct, I grabbed the long tentacle of bark with both hands and pulled, ripping it apart as easily as a human might tear a sheet of paper. The tentacle recoiled, but the part that was still embedded in my shoulder continued to writhe and wriggle and in a moment of pure horror I felt something moving inside me—
‹Low power!› someone shouted.
‹What—›
‹It’s not the mulch, it’s in the mulch! It’s wearing the mulch—turn the power down, wide beam, burn it away, don’t just cut—›
TSSSSEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW—
There was the scent of burning wood, and behind it a sharp, heavy smell like boiling soup. I didn’t look, didn’t care, was only half-aware that I had fallen over and was now lying sideways on the slope.
It was inside me.
I could feel it poking, prodding, sliding through my veins, my arteries—could feel it searching—
‹Marco! Marco, are you okay?›
Empty words, empty sounds all around me, screams and shouts and laser fire, none of it mattered, the thing was looking for my heart, my lungs, it was looking for them and it would find them, it was already in my chest—
The Pop Tarts.
Like Archimedes leaping up from his bath, my brain threw up the crucial memory, the key piece of information, from so long ago—we had morphed into ourselves and eaten until we couldn’t eat any more, and then we’d demorphed and the food had vanished, it had vanished, if I demorphed back to my own body then the thing would go away too—
‹Pop Tarts,› I said, directing the beam of thought at the other injured Marco, the one whose ankle had been broken.
Go away, I whispered, focusing harder than I ever had before. Give me back my own body, and take this thing away, take it away, take it away take it away take it AWAY—
The horror inside me twitched, surged, crawled deeper and deeper into my chest and reached out a finger to touch my heart—
No.
My heart stopped. I could feel it stop, but it was too late, the morph was already in progress, even as my vision began to darken I could feel my organs shifting and shrinking, feel the invading violator dissolving away—
Fuck you, motherfucker, NOT TODAY—
Some distant, detached part of me noted the shift, the almost instantaneous transition from terror to vindictive triumph.
Slow your roll, amigo, we’re not out of this yet.
The mulch shifted beneath me as my weight changed, and I twitched like I was falling asleep—
‹Whoa, buddy, we got you.›
A thick, leathery black hand rested on my shoulder, pressing me back into the slope. I looked around, suddenly aware of the outside world again.
There was Simo, standing alert with the Dracon beam, and Helium beside him, brandishing the two handguns. Downhill of them both, another human Marco was just sitting up, with another gorilla Marco crouched at his side. I couldn’t see the two snakes—
‹They’re right here.›
I sat up myself, the morph finishing. “What—” I began.
‹Shhhh! Listen.›
My jaw clicked shut—
‹—there? Guys, can you hear me? I’m coming—›
‹Jake!›
Visible relief.
‹I tried to lead it away but it heard—what happened? Is everyone—›
‹We’re all alive, but two of us aren’t in morph.›
Jake swore. ‹All right,› he said. ‹All right, um—geez—okay, okay—›
It really didn’t help, hearing the panic in his voice.
‹Okay. Here’s the plan. I’m going to try to lead it right past you, heading downhill.›
‹Lead what right past—›
‹Shut up, no time—›
I realized now that I could already hear it, a low, rhythmic rumbling growing louder and louder.
‹—you guys come at it from behind. Snakes and guns. I think we can bring it down.›
‹Jake, what—›
‹One of you needs to go downhill now. Downhill and to the right. Make noise.›
Without a word, a gorilla leapt into the darkening mist, sliding down the slope like a fallen skier.
‹All right—stop, but keep making noise.›
The rumbling was louder now, much louder—loud enough to drown out the sound of the Marco downhill running his hands through the mulch. I felt the burning thrill of adrenaline, felt my heart pounding in my throat—
‹You two stay here,› said a voice.
No shit we’re gonna stay here, what the fuck could we possibly contribute to this—
‹It’s going to pass right below you,› Jake said, his words quick and commanding, all of the uncertainty gone. ‹Simo, shoot it. Helium, take the snakes, climb up on its back. There’s a spot behind its head where I think it can’t reach you, can’t throw you—›
Two guns were pressed into my hands as Helium stepped quietly past me on the slope. I looked down at the other human Marco, tossed him one of them.
‹They won’t be able to bite through its skin. You’ll need to cut a hole.›
The sound was no longer a rumbling, was more like the noise of logging equipment. There was one last moment of horrible anticipation—
‹Now.›
Simo began shooting a split second before it passed into view, the mist parting and rippling around it. It was like a massive water wheel, a spinning cluster of six huge, muscular limbs, each ending in a clawed scoop, digging deep into the hillside one after the other, dragging it forward as if were swimming across the slope.
TSEWWWWWW!
The beam traced a line of fire across all six limbs, causing the creature to flinch and recoil. Its arms ripped from the hillside and it tipped—rolling downhill—revealing a massive, armored body the size of a school bus—visible for just a fraction of a second before the mist closed in around it—
‹GO!› Jake shouted, and they leapt into motion, Helium and the last remaining gorilla—leapt forward as Simo fired off three more shots into the darkness, as the creature let out a deafening roar—
‹It’s stopped,› Jake said. ‹It dug in, stopped rolling—Stop! Uh—split! Helium, go left; Marco, go right—›
Sounds of footsteps, barely audible under much louder sounds of thrashing limbs—
‹Simo, can you get closer? Slowly—›
I felt stuck, paralyzed, the exact opposite of how I’d felt in the vanguard.
‹Now, Helium! Go! Simo, aim right—›
More bellowing, more laser fire—
‹Right there, Helium! Simo, back up, get out of there—›
I looked at the other Marco just as he looked at me, each of us a perfect mirror of the other’s desperation, indecision, dismay. There was a pressure building up inside me, all of my sense and pragmatism fighting to hold back the rising need to go down there and help, they need you—
‹Did it work? Did it work?›
‹I’m empty—›
‹Me, t—›
‹Marco!›
‹I see him, I see him—Marco, demorph!›
I saw it in his eyes, the exact moment of revelation, the two of us crossing the finish line at the exact same time.
‹It’s not slowing down!›
‹Simo, can you—›
‹—skin’s too thick, it doesn’t—›
What the fuck could we possibly contribute to this, I had wondered—
Without a word, we both turned, bombing down the slope one-handed, trying not to point our guns at each other as we plunged toward the chaos. In seconds, my arm was scratched and bloody, but that was nothing, it didn’t matter, as long as we got there in time—
‹—for the eye! The eye!›
‹Watch out for its—›
‹Marco, can you hear me?›
‹Oh, fuck—›
We nearly slammed into it, skidding to a halt as the massive shape came emerged with shocking suddenness from the darkening mist. The smell of blood and burning flesh was everywhere, the creature twisting and turning and lunging at the shadowy shapes dancing around it, lit up every few seconds by the otherworldly glow of Dracon fire—
We looked at each other one last time, took in a pair of identical breaths—
* * *
—2199023255552 —
It wasn’t magical or meaningful, and it wasn’t random, either.
You see, the monster had ripped me in half while I was in snake morph. That meant that I was the first one to demorph back to human, which meant that I was the first one available to take the Dracon beam to cover everyone else while they demorphed and acquired the monster, which meant that I wasn’t one of the ones to morph into a copy of it, to guard against further attack.
That’s how I ended up watching myself die. Ended up right there, kneeling on the slope with Jake and Helium, as I took my last few breaths. It didn’t mean anything, that it was me instead of one of the other Marcos. It was just another domino in the chain.
“Stupid,” said dying-me, the word half-garbled as a bubble of blood came up out of his throat.
“No, man, it’s not—”
“He’s not talking about himself,” I cut in, my throat strangely dry. “He’s saying it’s stupid that morphing technology can’t fix this, when it clearly could.”
The version of me lying on the slope cracked a wry, broken smile.
“Least I get a—”
He broke off, coughing—coughing and then wincing, moaning, gritting his teeth with the pain, curling up for several long, horrible seconds while the blood trickled out between his teeth.
“Least I get a good death scene,” he said, more quietly this time, relaxing back into the mulch.
I looked over at Jake—Jake, who looked stricken, whose fists were clenching and unclenching and whose jaw was trembling under bright, sharp eyes—
“It’s fine, man,” I whispered. “Not your fault.”
Jake said nothing. Only stared down, transfixed, as if he was making himself watch.
“Listen,” said the Marco on the ground. “You can’t be more broken-up about it than I am.”
Jake’s face screwed up—
Crack in the armor, buddy?
“Why aren’t you more broken up about it?” Jake asked, his voice shaky.
Dying-me coughed again, more carefully this time. “Duh,” he said, letting his eyes fall shut. “I’ve got to keep you from going over the top.”
There were sounds of battle behind us, further down the hill—roars and crashes and yelps. I looked down at the Dracon beam in my lap, wondering if I should go and help—
‹Stay there. We got this.›
Meanwhile, Jake’s eyes had brimmed over, tears streaming silently down his face. “Still Marco, huh?” he said softly. “Can’t stop being Marco for two damn seconds, can you.”
“You”—cough—“you know it, buddy.”
There was a long silence. I looked down at the deep, black wound just below his—
—my—
—ribcage, at the crushed, twisted shape of his—
—my—
—right leg.
“You could morph,” Jake said. “Morph and—a couple of hours—there might be medical equipment down there—”
“Nah,” the other Marco said. His face was pale in the twilight, and growing paler by the minute. “Don’t want—fuck with the objectives.”
He opened his eyes, looked straight at me.
I nodded.
Jake made a sound so soft I wasn’t even really sure I heard it. “Aren’t you—” he began, before breaking off to scrub at his eyes. “Aren’t you scared? Or—or angry? Don’t—don’t you—”
The boy on the ground shrugged, then winced.
“God damn it, Marco, don’t—don’t shrug this off, man. You don’t have to—you’re allowed to feel—”
He broke off, and when he spoke again it was quieter. Softer. I almost wanted to say younger, though that wasn’t quite it.
“I don’t want to talk to your face,” he said. “Not—not now. Not like this. I want to talk to you.”
He reached out, pulled my dying self’s hand toward him, squeezed it. They stared at each other—almost glared at each other—for a long moment.
Marco broke first. “Fine,” he said hoarsely. “Fuck it.”
There was another pause, as he looked up at Jake, his eyes searching—
“I guess I’d take a kiss, if you’re offering.”
My eyes snapped toward Jake’s face, took in a dozen tiny clues—
“Fuck me,” the other Marco said. “You didn’t know?”
“We reset,” I reminded him.
“Know that, but”—cough—“months”—cough—“what the fuck”—cough—“thinking?”
“Don’t look at me,” I said. “I woke up in Botswana eleven days ago.”
I looked back at Jake.
Man. Hell of a time to spring that on a guy.
“Don’t,” the Marco on the ground warned. “Don’t fucking—just because—”
“Shut up,” Jake whispered. Edging closer, he leaned over and pressed their foreheads together, whispering something I couldn’t hear. Then he tilted his head, and lowered his lips to the other boy’s—
—to mine.
For once, my brain was mercifully silent. No stupid jokes, no cynical comments, none of the distractions and diversions that it usually offered up without effort or permission. I just sat, and watched, and let it hurt for once.
My dying half coughed, breaking the kiss, and Jake lifted his head, sitting back up. He coughed again, harder, and then again a third time, spitting up thick, dark blood that looked almost black in the failing light.
“Don’t you dare say it,” Jake cut in, as the other Marco opened his mouth.
He smiled. “Whatever—say—Fearless Leader.”
His eyes shifted, and I looked over at Helium, who had made no sound at all, who had been sitting there in human morph the whole time, his expression unreadable—
“Ax,” said the part of me that was dying.
The shape beside me stiffened.
“Yeah—know—you’re like—hive-mind—new name—whatever. But I want—talk—just Ax.”
“Yes, Marco.”
“You had—dope prayer.”
“Yes, Marco.”
“Am I?”
I didn’t expect the question, wasn’t ready for the weight of it—felt tears springing to my own eyes as it sank in, as the alien answered without hesitation, his voice clear and calm and steady as a bird in flight.
“Marco was the servant of the people,” he said, as the blood of my other body trickled downhill. “He was the servant of his prince. He was the servant of honor.”
The boy on the ground closed his eyes. Beside him, Jake was shaking with tight, silent sobs.
“Marco’s voice was heard, and it lifted the chorus. Marco’s feet moved, and they followed the Path. Marco’s—Marco’s hands parted the vines. The food that Marco found was clean, and nourishing, and he shared it with the people.”
I reached out to take Jake’s left hand. His right was still holding—
—my other hand.
“Marco’s life was not his own,” Helium continued. “Marco was one with the people. His life was given for the people, and for his prince, and for his honor. Marco will be remembered.”
The last sentence was spoken in unison, Jake and Helium together. The boy on the ground gave a faint half-smile, and nodded, and opened his eyes again.
“Thanks,” he said. “Helps.”
For a moment, there was quiet, backed by the distant noise of ongoing battle.
They’re fine. They’d call us if they weren’t.
“Jake,” said the other Marco.
“Yeah?”
“Been saving one.”
“What?”
“Last joke. Good joke.”
“Wh—oh. Okay. Sure.”
I could see the way that Jake was steeling himself, could tell that he was pouring every last ounce of self-control into holding himself together, holding himself in shape.
I could tell that the other Marco could see it, too.
“Here goes,” the dying boy said, his voice taut and wavering. “Why—blind man—fall down—a well?”
Jake’s lip trembled. “Beats me,” he said. “Why?”
“Because,” said Marco, grinning. “Couldn’t see—that well.”
There was a moment in which it seemed as if Jake might hold it together, and then the dam broke and he half-collapsed against the other boy, unable to hold himself upright any longer as it all came pouring out of him.
I got up and slid downhill a little ways, giving them space.
I’ve always believed that people have a choice, when it comes to how they see the world. That most people chose to see the world as tragic, chose to ignore the humor that’s unfolding right in front of them. I always kind of felt like they were making a mistake—like, sure, if you want to see everything as being sad, terrible, unfair, boo-hoo, that’s fine, but what kind of life is that?
Only now—
It wasn’t that it was me dying. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was my twin, my doppelganger, my clone.
It was Jake.
I didn’t want him to be up there, crying—no matter what I’d said before, back when we first showed up. And yet, when I tried to imagine being lighthearted about it, trying to get him to see the humor in it, it just felt—hollow. Somehow, I couldn’t imagine looking at Jake, and thinking to myself that he’d chosen this—that he’d made the wrong choice.
Would you cry like that for Jake? For just one Jake, if there were five or ten more?
I thought I would, but I wasn’t sure. And suddenly it seemed really bad that I wasn’t sure—like that part of me that just kept going was broken, like it was bad or blind or made of ice or—or confused, I wasn’t sure what but it didn’t seem right, anymore, I ought to be feeling something right now, and I ought to know what I was feeling without having to look.
I wanted to mourn.
I wanted to mourn, but I didn’t know how. Didn’t know what I was mourning, because I wasn’t really sure what had been lost.
I heard the sound of shifting mulch above me, and turned as Jake emerged from the mist.
“Helium’s going to strip the body of anything useful,” he said, his voice perfectly, completely neutral. “Then it’s downhill.”
I nodded.
He stepped toward me, sat, slid down until our eyes were at the same level.
“So,” he said.
“So,” I replied.
He bit his lip. “I don’t know how many times I can do that.”
I thought I heard a hint of accusation, and I tried to look contrite. “Sorry.”
Around us, the sounds of battle were slowing, growing quieter as more and more monsters died and fewer and fewer came to replace them.
“What were you thinking, Marco?” Jake asked quietly.
I looked down at the Dracon beam in my hand. I knew what he was asking. It felt strange, answering, because he wasn’t really asking me. He was asking about some other Marco entirely.
But of course, I’d been there, too.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I remember thinking, you know, what if Jake never wakes up again. You’d already—I’d already—Tobias and Tom made a new copy of each of us, and they just—never woke up. Died in their sleep. You and I were both on our second try, and when I woke up first—”
I broke off. I could feel Jake’s eyes on me, but I didn’t want to meet them.
“And then I thought about making—making more of you. Just to be sure. But I knew you wouldn’t—knew you didn’t—I dunno, consent, or something? And then after that, it just seemed like—there were so few things to do. I kept thinking there was nothing I could do. I got tired of thinking it.”
Jake was silent.
“I didn’t ever think we’d run into each other,” I said. “I planned on us not running into each other. I went—I sent them off in every different direction.”
Double meaning, double memory, déjà vu—it hadn’t been me who had done these things. But it would have been me, if I’d been there. If I’d been the first.
“You, uh,” Jake said, faltering. “You and me—”
“To be perfectly honest, we’re kind of more into Rachel these days.”
The words just rolled off my tongue, fully automatic—came out faster than my brain could vet them. I felt my shoulders tighten, felt Jake shift in the mulch beside me.
“Really,” he said.
I turned to look at him—at the streaks of dried tears covering his cheeks, the red rims of his eyes, the smears of blood around his lips. All of my options—all the jokes, all the dodges, all the clever little half-truths and non-answers—they all fell away, leaving me with no other choice.
“Yeah,” I said honestly, feeling my mouth go dry. “But—”
I hesitated. Jake turned to look at me, and I shrugged. “First loves, and all that.”
I winced. I hadn’t quite been able to keep the artificial lightness out of my voice. Hadn’t quite managed to just say it, without leaving myself some plausible deniability.
Time passed.
“We cool?” I ventured.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s just—first time. You know. Since Cassie.”
I just barely managed to catch the question before it left my lips, stopped the words from becoming real at the last possible second.
Both, obviously.
Jake’s expression hardened. “If Helium’s right about how big these monsters get,” he continued, the iron creeping back into his voice.
“Yeah,” I said. “I know.”
The original plan had been to trade our way up the food chain, working together to subdue larger and larger monsters, acquiring them until we had the biggest, baddest bodies in the valley. We’d figured that, between four gorillas, one Hork-Bajir, one Dracon beam, and two completely different kinds of extremely powerful snake venom—inland taipan and saw-scaled viper—we’d be able to take down something the size of an elephant at least.
But the gradient hadn’t been as smooth as we’d hoped. The churner monster had been bigger than an elephant—a lot bigger—and nothing we’d thrown at it had even slowed it down, until—
I looked back up the hill, where somewhere in the mist lay the broken, empty husk of my own body. Two of me had come charging into the middle of the fight. Only one of me had made it.
But the acquiring trance had been the edge we needed. It had worked, where nothing else had—slowed the monster down, tranquilized it—given the rest of us the opening we needed to deal the killing blow.
You had to be in your own, real body to acquire something.
“It’ll be different next time,” I said, one half of my brain trying to project confidence while the other half tried to ration it.
After all, the bigger they get, the slower they’ll be, right? We might even be able to drop down on them out of the air, demorph on their backs. And we all have the churner morph, now, and five or six of those working together is nothing to sneeze at—
“Yeah,” Jake said darkly, interrupting my thoughts. “It will.”
I turned to look at him, raised a questioning eyebrow. He shook his head.
“You morph the bat this time,” he said, pushing himself to his feet. “I need to kill something.”
* * *
—562949953421312—
There were only six of us left by the time the mist brightened back to blue.
‹Do we even want to acquire this fucking thing?› I asked wearily, pulling my claws out of its abdomen with a sick, squelching sound.
No one answered.
The latest in the constant stream of monsters had been some kind of giant tree octopus, stretched out like a volleyball net in the space between two trunks. It had a shriek that was the audible equivalent of Garrett’s thought-speak weapon, stunning everything in range and triggering a small landslide that dragged its prey right into its giant gullet. Most of us had been in morphs too large to swallow, but the Marco on surveillance duty had been hit by the very first blast, and we hadn’t heard from him since.
You could demorph from a corpse, if your animal body was killed. But if you’d already been eaten—
‹Helium,› said another voice, sounding every bit as tired as my own. ‹How far have we gone?›
‹We have passed three hundred and thirty-seven trees, plus or minus thirty,› came the answer. ‹Assuming approximately thirteen trees per mile on any given straight line through the forest, that puts us roughly twenty-six miles in. A little less than half of the total distance.›
Jesus Christ.
‹Jesus ain’t gon’ help ya now,› one of the other Marcos intoned.
‹We need somebody new on eyes,› Jake cut in. ‹Does anybody hear anything?›
We listened. The woods were alive with the sound of monsters hunting and dying, but none of it seemed particularly close.
‹Fine. I’ll—›
‹NO,› I cut in. And then, embarrassed—‹Sorry, too loud. I just mean—I’ll do it. I need to morph out, anyway.›
There was a brief silence, a sense of words being weighed.
‹This is the first time there’s been a threat that the bat couldn’t handle,› Jake said. ‹I don’t think it makes sense to—›
‹Still,› I said.
A longer silence.
‹Fine. Whatever. Does anyone else need to demorph?›
‹I probably should. That thing ripped a good chunk out of my back.›
‹Fine. Everybody circle up.›
We clustered together, groping and jostling our way through the mist until we were—
Well, not exactly shoulder to shoulder. But flank to flank, at least.
It was strange—though we’d acquired bodies with echolocation, or heat detection, or incredibly precise senses of smell, we hadn’t found any that could literally see through the dense blue mist. So even now, huddled together wearing bodies the size of small houses, none of us could actually see any of the others. At best, you might occasionally catch sight of a dim shadow in the middle distance, wreathed in wisping blue. And as I shrank, leaving behind a thirty-foot-wide hole in the circle, the feeling of isolation grew. With the others standing almost perfectly still, there was nothing to hear, either. For all my senses could tell me directly, I was alone in an infinite, empty, alien wasteland.
‹Losing thought-speak,› I broadcast. ‹Will ping again in two minutes.›
Down, down, down I shrank, with only a brief pause at human scales before refocusing on the bat. Around me, the chunks of bark that made up the forest floor swelled, growing until they towered over me.
‹I’m good,› I said, letting out a handful of chirps as I took to the air. ‹We’re clear, nothing nearby.›
‹Roger. Demorphing now.›
Three minutes later, and we were on the move again, five hulking kaiju following my lead as I guided them ever downward through the mist.
We’d traded up twice during the long, bloody night. First from the bus-sized churner to a slightly-smaller-but-much-more-agile creature like a six-limbed Allosaurus that had dropped down onto us from fifty feet up in one of the trees. Then from that to our current weapon-of-choice, a low-to-the-ground, armored scorpion-thing that didn’t seem to have a right-side-up.
So far, our theory was working—the larger, more dangerous animals tended to be solitary, which meant that we’d been able to surround them and bring them down by working together. But it hadn’t been without cost. We’d lost another Marco in the middle of the night, and now there were only four of us left.
‹Bear to the left,› I called out. ‹There’s another nest of those giant wasps on the right side of the next tree.›
I still hadn’t been able to work out what it meant to me, each time another copy of me died. What it should mean to me, since the feelings weren’t making themselves known on their own.
‹We’ve got incoming, from uphill at seven o’clock, distance—no, wait, never mind. It chickened out.›
I was one of the youngest Marcos. One of the last to be made, at least out of the ones who’d woken up, the ones the avatar had brought. And that meant that I remembered having the conversation with terminal patients—remembered talking to over two dozen of them, in fact. I couldn’t remember my own—
What, predecessor? Benefactor? Surrogate parent?
—but I remembered what they were like in general. Remembered the smell of the hospice homes, the smothering atmosphere of dull hopelessness. Remembered the promises I had made to those people, as they lay there dying.
I can’t save you, that other version of me had said. I’m sorry. If I could save you, I would. But the morphing tech doesn’t do that. What it can do is give you a chance to make a difference. Like donating your organs, except instead of organs, you’re donating a whole person. And that person will fight—for you, for your family, for everyone you’re leaving behind. As long as there’s an Earth to fight for, he’ll fight for it.
Those words seemed hollow, now. Cheap. Almost manipulative. After all, here I was, on an alien planet whose name I didn’t even know, and already three of me had died—and they hadn’t died saving the world, either.
That’s not exactly your fault. You didn’t ask to be dragged all the way out here.
But one of me had. Which meant that if it had been me in his place—if that avatar creature had come to ask me the same question, offer me the same opportunity—the result would have been the same.
And then I would have been directly responsible for the deaths of three—
—six?
Four?
—at least three people. People whose names I barely remembered, people who’d left behind nothing—not a body, not a note, no explanation of any kind. People who’d just vanished, leaving their families to wonder—
‹There’s another pack of those tentacle cats up ahead,› I called out. ‹Not sure if they’re going to move or if we’re going to have to clear them out.›
‹Should we go around?›
‹Nah, not worth it. You can take ‘em if you have to.›
I knew it was silly to try to feel something. To try to make myself feel something, just because it seemed like I was supposed to.
But the alternative seemed even worse, somehow.
For a moment, I found myself wishing Cassie was with us. Cassie, or Tobias, or even Rachel. Someone who wasn’t me, someone who had this stuff down in their bones—
—and didn’t already have too much on their plate, like Jake.
—someone who was better at it, who could track it all without making themselves do it, top-down and clumsy.
Someone you can yell at, for being naïve?
Okay, that was fair. But yes, in a sense—that was part of what made us a team, each one of us doing our jobs, holding down our poles. A balanced mix, or at least more balanced than Jake, Marco, Helium, Marco, Marco, and also Marco.
Well, it’s already more balanced than it was. Just give it a few more hours. Hey-o!
‹Helium, what was the name of that vine Sarlacc thing? Ludo-whatever?›
‹Lerdethak. It’s a Hork-Bajir word, meaning—›
‹Yeah, yeah, yeah. How far out of our way should we go to avoid one of those?›
‹Very.›
‹All right. Sorry guys. We need to go back up and come down on the other side of that tree we just passed.›
On and on we crawled, sometimes perpendicular to the slope and sometimes parallel, sometimes doubling back on ourselves to avoid webs or pits or other headaches, sometimes just barreling through. Every now and again, something would challenge us, and we’d spend a few minutes fighting; more often, the smaller monsters turned tail and ran once they realized there was more than one of us.
I steered us clear of most of the larger threats—the ones that would put up more of a fight than we wanted to deal with, or that traveled in pairs or packs, or that were unlikely to make a useful morph for one reason or another.
But about an hour or so in, after we’d passed another thirty-nine trees—
‹Everybody hold up a sec. There’s a big one up ahead, might be worth trying to acquire. I’m going to go get a closer look.›
‹Roger. Stay safe.›
I left the others behind me, flying straight ahead, gaining altitude as the slope fell away beneath me. The mist was well over a hundred feet deep at this point, and I stayed as high as I could within it, wary of acid spit and poisoned spines and all the other nonsense we’d faced in the past thirty miles.
The monster was alone, cutting sideways across the slope, moving maybe ten or twelve miles per hour. It was huge, easily twice as tall and twice as long as our current best morph, making the trees around it seem almost normal-sized. Its armor was like the result of a genetic experiment crossing an Ankylosaurus with a Stegosaurus, all thick bone with various knobs and spikes sticking out, some as big as Christmas trees. It had four massive, muscled limbs, splayed out to the side like a lizard, each ending in a giant, five-clawed foot the size of a backyard pool. And its head—
Its head was like something out of a nightmare, all exposed bone and pulsing flesh. The whole thing was split down the center, with teeth lining the gap, as if the entire skull could yawn open like a Venus flytrap. There was also a normal set of jaws, like those you’d expect on an Earth animal, but inside of those were more jaws—an entire second set of teeth, the absolute smallest of which was at least three feet long. And there were eyes everywhere—eyes like a spider’s, black and round and utterly soulless.
I’d seen a lot of monsters over the past twelve hours. But this was the first one that looked like it might honestly have a chance against Godzilla.
I flew back to the others.
‹I think we want it,› I said. ‹But I don’t think the five of you can take it down. It’d be like five Corgis versus a full-grown Husky.›
‹So, what, then? Demorph on its back, like with the dinosaur thing?›
‹That’s the plan. But it could get sketchy. Could get extremely sketchy, to be perfectly honest. You guys might want to just hang back.›
‹No.›
It was Jake’s voice—unmistakably so, the voice of command.
‹No,› he repeated. ‹Not happening. Not without backup. We’re going in together, or we’re not going at all.›
I sighed mentally, knowing that the other three of me were, too. ‹You’re the boss,› I said, and told them where to go.
* * *
—134217728—
They came into view as I lumbered around the tree—five large, low-to-the-ground blurs glowing in my body’s heat vision. They were standing in a semicircle, motionless, as if waiting for me.
‹Hedwig here,› I said, flexing my claws, digging deep furrows into the forest floor. ‹I really, really hope that’s you guys.›
Chapter 52: Chapter 37 (part II): Marco'
Summary:
A/N: As always, please please pretty please leave comments/reviews, either here or over in the broader discussion at r/rational. Every paragraph of commentary is like a hit of dopamine keeping me addicted to writing more updates!
Chapter Text
Chapter 37 (part II): Marco'
—4294967296—
I could see them in the bat’s sonic vision—billions of them, teeming and clicking and writhing, surging upward from the ground, from hidden cracks beneath the layer of mulch. The mass of them flowed like lava, grasping and smothering, indifferent to his animal screams, his swatting limbs, his frantic slide down the slope. They were in his mouth, his eyes—
‹What’s happening?›
‹Marco, what’s going on!?›
‹Get in there, get him out—›
‹No,› I said, unable to look away.
‹But—›
‹No,› I repeated. ‹It—it’s too late.›
‹Tell me where he is, I’ll—›
‹NO,› I shouted, my voice cracking. I hadn’t even known that your voice could crack in thought-speak. But it could.
‹Stay put,› I ordered, the words coming out like ice. ‹Don’t move, not one step. Not until I figure out how far this—this—›
I couldn’t finish the sentence. In the background of my thoughts, the other Marco continued to scream—screamed for far longer than it seemed like he should have been able to.
‹It’s not your fault. There was nothing you could have—›
A hand touched my shoulder, and I snapped awake.
“Hey,” said a voice—my own voice, the way it sounded from the outside. “It’s been six. Powwow in five.”
My brain tried to drag itself into motion.
Six hours. Five minutes.
I nodded, rolling over onto hands and knees, my body stiff where it had pressed against the rocky, uneven ground.
After an embarrassingly quick twenty-minute flight, we had passed out of the forest and into a kind of low, desert scrubland, spotted with strange, gnarled bushes, utterly devoid of visible animal life. We’d spent an extra hour making sure, circling and searching, mapping the landscape by sight and sound and smell, but there was nothing. No bugs, no reptiles, no rodents or avians—just dirt and rocks and the ever-present mist.
And then, exhausted, we’d collapsed. Helium, who didn’t need sleep in his natural body, had volunteered to keep watch, and the rest of us had leaned into the slope and given ourselves over to the nightmares.
Still on my hands and knees, I looked up. Jake was there, a few feet above me, his eyes dull and sleep-heavy. Behind him, the mist was darkening again, was already sapphire instead of the bright baby blue of full daylight.
Jake himself was orange, though—lit up by the otherworldly, underworldly glow emanating from the distant, unseen river of lava. It had been faint, that glow, when we first arrived—had been mostly washed out by the sunlight filtering down through the mist. But it was stronger now, like the light of a forest fire seen through thick smoke.
And it was hot, too—maybe ninety degrees, maybe more. My clothes were soaked through with sweat, and my mouth was dry as dust despite the humidity.
We’re going to need to find water soon, I thought. Either that, or we were going to end up drinking blood out of our morphs just to survive.
Letting out a sigh, I fell over onto my side, slouching against the slope. Around me, the others were yawning, stretching, scrubbing their eyes. One was standing at the very edge of visibility, apparently peeing into the mist. Downslope, Helium had demorphed from his sentry body and was halfway through assuming human form.
“Circle up,” Jake said softly.
Everyone turned inward.
“First order of business—”
One of the Marcos raised his hand.
Jake gave a brittle sigh. “All right, fine. Zeroth order of business. What?”
Around the circle, I exchanged glances with myself. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the alien murder valley.
“New callsigns,” the other Marco said. “I figure now that there are exactly five Marclones in the party—”
“I swear to God, if you’re about to make a Power Rangers reference—”
“Top kek, but no. I was actually going to say, uh—”
He faltered, looking suddenly uncertain in the face of Jake’s uncharacteristic harshness. “Maybe—uh—maybe it would be kind of, I dunno, appropriate, or something? Good medicine? If we, uh.”
“Spit it out.”
“Well. Maybe it’s dumb. But I was thinking, since there’s five of me. Maybe we could use the other Animorphs as callsigns. Kind of keep them with us, in spirit.”
He looked down, his face flushed.
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “There better not be a punch line waiting somewhere at the end of this,” he warned.
“I’m not,” the other Marco said hastily. “I mean, there isn’t. I swear. It just—”
His voice fell to a mutter. “Seemed like a good idea, is all.”
Jake turned his head to look at each of us, a shadow of something like suspicion still darkening his expression. “Well?” he asked.
“Well what?”
“Any of you feeling particularly Rachel-ish today?”
There was a long pause.
We looked at each other.
One of us raised a hand.
Jake’s expression twisted a little. I couldn’t say exactly what it meant, but the monkey part of my brain relaxed a tiny bit in response.
“How about Tobias?”
Another hand.
“Cassie?”
I almost raised my hand. Almost, but at the last second I felt something snag, felt some slight-but-crucial sense of discord.
One of the other Marcos volunteered.
“Garrett?”
I looked across the circle at the last remaining Marco, his expression mirroring my own. It was like there was a true answer to the question of which of us should take on Garrett’s name, and neither of us wanted to just guess.
I tilted my head—
The other Marco raised his hand.
“Fine,” Jake said. “Rachel, Tobias, Cassie, Garrett, and Marco.”
There was a moment of not-quite silence, as if we’d all just happened to take a breath at the exact same time, a bunch of different pendulums all lining up for a single swing before falling back out of synch. Hearing Jake say those names, in that order—it felt—
Correct. Like there were right moves and wrong ones, and we’d just made a right one.
“Fine,” Jake repeated, and I could tell from his voice that he’d felt it, too—could hear something steady and steadfast underneath the exhaustion, as if the utterly spontaneous ritual we’d just completed had bolstered something, something that had previously been on the verge of collapse. “First order of business. We have to assume—for lack of a better word—that we’re about to run into some plot down there. That the Ellimist brought us here for a reason.”
Or Crayak, I thought, knowing as I did so that the other four Marcos were thinking it too, waiting for one of us to—
“Or Crayak,” said Garrett-Marco.
Jake grimaced, nodded. “Or Crayak.”
“Speaking of which,” said Cassie-Marco. “Has it occurred to everyone that we might not be the only guest stars in this little side quest? I mean, whoever sent that avatar guy to pick us up, the other guy might have sent him to get somebody else, too.”
“Cage match?” mused Tobias-Marco. “Mortal Kombat test-of-champions kind of thing?”
“Or there could already be plenty of bad guys down there, and that’s why we were brought in,” pointed out Garrett-Marco. “To balance things out. I mean, this is a Yeerk stronghold, right?”
“And Visser Three’s own little Stark Tower, to boot.”
“More like Dr. Moreau’s island, I think?”
“Cough, cough,” said Jake, sounding impatient. “The point is, we don’t know what we’re in for, except that it’s probably going to be worse than what we already went through.”
That brought us up short.
“Hey, um,” I said, looking around the circle again. “Is everything—”
No, dumbass.
“I mean, are you feeling o—”
“I am extremely not doing this five-on-one,” Jake said sharply. “Drop it.”
I felt my mouth snap shut.
“If there are any pages we all want to be on,” he continued, “now’s the time to make that happen. We might not get another chance.”
I studiously avoided looking at the other Marcos this time, knowing that they were doing the same. What’s up with Jake? was the page we wanted to be on, hopefully followed immediately by can we do something about it?
But I had a sneaking suspicion that we were the problem, or at least tied up in it, and that trying to help—
Well, wouldn’t.
“Hostages?” ventured Rachel-Marco, after another tense ten seconds. “Rescues? Do we try to save each other, if we get split up?”
Helium raised a hand. “We would appreciate rescue attempts, all else being equal.”
“Marcos save Jakes and Heliums,” suggested Tobias-Marco. “Jakes and Heliums don’t risk themselves to save Marcos?”
Jake’s expression darkened.
“What if it comes down to saving Jake or Helium?” asked Cassie-Marco.
It darkened further. “Stop,” he said.
We stopped.
“There’s only one of us that can’t be brought back with the morphing tech, and that’s Helium. We prioritize keeping him—keeping them alive. As a fallback, we save Temrash—”
“Perdão.”
“Perdão, right. We don’t prioritize me—”
None of us moved, as far as I could tell—none of us even twitched.
But somehow Jake noticed anyway.
“All right, fine, do whatever you want, but I’m not agreeing to let you die if there’s anything I can do about it, so keep that in mind before you go taking any dumb fucking risks.”
Eyes widened around the circle.
Gee whiz, buddy, I didn’t even know you knew that word—
There wasn’t a chance in hell any of us were going to say that one out loud.
Garrett-Marco raised a hand. “Uh,” he said. “Speaking of pages. What’s our actual mission statement?”
Heads tilted.
“Like, sure, we’re here to ‘do what we do,’ whatever that means. And none of us is going to pass up a chance to throw a wrench into whatever V3 is planning. But what’s the real ultimate priority?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, say we do see a way to stop him, but it means—I dunno—sacrificing the Earth, or something.”
Silence.
“Or just North America, then, fine. I’m just saying, under the circumstances, it seems like the sort of thing that might actually come up. Like maybe we should talk about the possibility a little.”
More silence, this time expectant.
“Why are you all looking at me?” Jake protested.
“Uh. Fearless leader? Moral compass? Only human present who’s not a part of the echo chamber? Helium calls you ‘prince’?”
“You mean you want this to be on me,” Jake shot back. “So it’s my fault.”
“The opposite,” I cut in hastily, before the rest of me could rise to the bait. “We already have our default answer, and we want somebody else to sanity check it. Talk us out of it, if we’re wrong.”
I shot the other four Marcos a warning look. There was too much tension in the circle—too many hair-triggers, too much sarcasm and petty sniping. I understood it—I mean, we were all exhausted, we’d all just come through hell, there were at least three or four unacknowledged elephants in the room. But we couldn’t afford it.
Not now.
“And that default answer is?” Jake asked, his voice still edged with challenge.
I glanced around the circle again, but it looked like this one was on me.
You are callsign Marco, after all.
I sucked in a breath.
“We end the threat,” I said, making my voice as firm as I could. “Whatever it takes. If it takes losing all of humanity—well, if we don’t end the threat, we lose all of humanity anyway. If it comes down to it—if it really comes down to it—that’s why we’re here. Everything else comes second.”
There were no nods. Just grim, silent faces, waiting.
After a long, long moment, Jake spoke.
“I’m not going to try to veto that,” he said. “You’re going to do what you’re going to do no matter what I say. But I will say this.”
He looked around the circle, locking eyes with each of us in turn. “If we are being jerked around,” he said. “By the Ellimist, or Crayak, or whoever—if you’re trying to trick somebody into blowing up the world, it’s a lot easier to get them to flip the switch if they’re already willing. If they’ve already made up their mind what would get them to do it.”
“You’re saying we shouldn’t think about it ahead of time?” said Tobias-Marco, sounding incredulous.
“I’m saying it might be the wrong question,” Jake shot back. “In the first place. I’m saying it’s a lot harder to trick you into blowing up the planet if you’re not the kind of person who goes around blowing up planets. If you’re—if you’re humble. Or scared. If you’re not willing to do anything that drastic in the first place, because you’ve been wrong before.”
No one seemed to know what to say to that, and after another long moment, Jake shrugged. “Maybe just keep that in mind, is all.”
* * *
It would have been a relief, being able to see again—
‹Marco here,› I broadcast. ‹Helium was right. The air’s hot enough that it’s just holding the moisture. No more mist.›
It would have been a relief, if the view wasn’t so terrifying.
Ahead of me, the ground continued its reckless downward slope for maybe another five hundred yards before terminating in a sharp, perfectly straight line. And beyond that line—
It was like an ocean of magma. Ax had said it was five kilometers wide, and I was starting to realize that I’d never had a visceral sense of just how vast of a distance that was, at least when it was magma we were talking about. You could drop the entire island of Manhattan into it and still have half a mile of molten rock on either side.
Even among the giant trees, I hadn’t felt quite this small.
‹I can see the river,› I relayed. ‹There’s a dropoff. I’m going to go over and take a look. Should be back in touch in ten minutes, tops.›
‹Roger. Good luck.›
I could see the cliff face on the far side of the river already; if the one on my side matched, then there were probably four or five hundred vertical feet between the bottom of the slope and the molten river below. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I could see faint patterns through the quivering air, lines and curves and dark spots carved into the vertical face of the rock.
Here goes nothing, I thought.
The first thing I noticed as I crossed the threshold was the heat. It had already been hot over the slope, but once I was directly over the river of magma it was like standing in front of an open oven door. I was maybe eight hundred feet up, with the mist rolling in below me, and it was still at least a hundred and thirty degrees.
The second thing I noticed was the city built into the rock face.
I didn’t have a great angle, so I spiraled lower, cutting through the updraft, wincing as the temperature rose and rose. It was maybe a hundred and eighty by the time I dropped below the edge of the cliff, and I knew that the bat body would only be able to handle a few minutes before it succumbed to exhaustion and heat stroke.
But I had to look closer. The walls of the chasm were covered in an amazing, intricate filigree—windows, doors, walkways, arches, open spaces cut back into the cliff. They stretched on in both directions, as far as the eye could see, an endless mosaic of rooms and plazas, all connected by open, stone stairways and breezeways. They began the instant the slope turned to vertical, and stretched all the way down to the very edge of the molten river, where the deep red glow was almost painfully bright.
And they were—as far as I could tell—completely empty.
Not a sound. Not a whisper. Not a flicker of motion. I glided along the cliff face, peering in through columns and archways, glimpsing caverns and caves and corridors that stretched back into utter darkness. I flew for almost a mile in one direction before turning back.
Nothing. Silent as a tomb.
Veering back out over the magma, I spread my wings wide, letting the rising air carry me higher and higher until I was once again level with the lower border of the mist. I winged my way back to shore, breathing a sigh of relief as I left the sauna of the canyon and returned to the cool, wet air of the valley.
‹Marco here. In range?›
‹Roger, Marco, this is Cassie. I see you. Bear left a little for the rendezvous.›
Three minutes later, we were back in the circle, and I relayed everything I had seen.
“Helium?” Jake asked. “That sound right to you?”
“We—don’t know, Prince Jake,” the alien answered. “Elfangor visited this world, but he never entered the dominion of the Arn itself. We do know that the Arn are said to prefer solitude—the flowers above the forest are divided into parcels of land, each of which is many kilometers wide and owned by a single individual. Perhaps the territory below is similarly divided.”
“How many stories?” asked one of the other Marcos.
“Thirty or forty,” I said. “The whole cliff face, top to bottom.”
“And they cut back into the rock?”
“In at least some places? A lot of it looked like it was only one layer thick, but maybe, I don’t know, five or ten percent of it went deeper?”
“That’s a lot of territory for one person to maintain.”
“Lot of territory to search,” said Jake.
“And that’s assuming we’re on the right side of the river—”
Jake held up a finger. “Okay, new plan,” he said. “Before we go down, we’re going to scout the rim of the canyon. Both directions. Look for landmarks, signs of battle—anything distinctive, anything that gives us a hint as to where we should start—”
* * *
‹Garrett here. I found a trio of Bug fighters, parked on the slope. There’s a stairwell leading down about fifty yards away. Go tell Jake, get the others. I’m going back for a closer look.›
* * *
One of the biggest problems with having woken up three weeks ago with all of my memories intact is that I knew what morphs I wanted, but I didn’t actually have them.
The six-lined racerunner was a lizard about eight inches long. It had decent eyesight and a great sense of smell. Its skin would blend in with the shadowy rock of the cliff city. It could run up to eighteen miles per hour when threatened. And—most importantly—it was cold blooded, i.e. it liked it when things were hot.
‹We’re going to have to demorph every half hour if it doesn’t get any cooler,› I warned, switching the gun to my other hand so I could wipe the sweat off my palm. ‹Seriously.›
I was in my morph armor, as was Tobias-Marco, each of us armed with one of the handguns. Helium was once again in Hork-Bajir morph, carrying the Dracon beam, and seemed to be, if anything, in even worse shape than we were.
‹At least when you remorph you’ll be hydrated again,› some asshole said, their voice helpfully and not-at-all-annoyingly chipper. ‹Silver linings.›
Lined your mom with fucking—fuck you, fucker. Silver ass bitch.
It was interesting how I could watch the useless frustration, and know where it was coming from, and still not be able to do anything about it.
‹Left,› said Jake.
We turned left, following a corridor deeper into the rock, away from the glow of the molten river. After a moment, we emerged into a chamber about the size of a large living room, lit by phosphorescent algae clinging to the walls and ventilated by a pair of dark openings that, from the noticeably cooler air oozing out of them, led all the way back to the forest. There were three more doors in the far wall, and Jake padded over to the center one without hesitation.
‹This way,› he said, and we followed.
We’d been in the tunnels and walkways of the Arn ghost city for only maybe twenty minutes, though it felt a lot longer. We’d entered as close to the Bug fighters as we dared—maybe half a mile away—and had been slowly making our way toward them through the three-dimensional maze, hoping to pick up some kind of trail.
It was eerily like walking through someone’s house while they weren’t home. When I was nine, my mom gave me The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to read, and I remember there was a scene early on where the Pevensie kids were exploring a giant, empty mansion with hundreds of rooms—the sort of house you never seem to come to the end of, full of unexpected places.
This was exactly like that. Room after room, each one different from the last, each one a disorienting mix of the weirdly familiar and the utterly alien. The one we were currently in, for instance, had a weird, angular structure in the middle of it, like a dentist’s chair designed by Tim Burton and then assembled by Picasso using nothing but broken LEGO. And yet the walls were covered with cabinets—completely normal cabinets, presumably made of wood from one of the giant trees, with little handles on the doors and everything.
‹Down,› Jake said, vanishing through a doorway into a narrow stairwell. We followed.
Jake was in wolf morph, keeping us on track as we trailed after “Cassie,” who was wearing another copy of the same body, and “Rachel,” who was in owl morph. The hope was that with the combination of super scent and super hearing, we’d be able to detect the enemy before they could detect us. The rest of us were hanging back, both for the sake of quiet and in case the vanguard ran into something too big to handle.
‹Right,› Jake said, and we followed him out onto a roofed balcony supported by arches and columns, with a wide, open view of the molten river.
Once again, the heat hit me like a hammer, instantly vaporizing the layer of sweat that my body had managed to produce in the only-a-hundred-degrees interior. We were much lower than we had been when we had started—maybe twenty stories below the edge of the canyon. At this height, you could hear the magma flowing, a low rumble like the sound of a jet engine heard from inside the plane.
‹How is it even going anywhere, if it circles around the entire planet?›
Even as I asked the question, my brain provided an answer, and I squashed a flash of annoyance as someone else said it.
‹The planet’s rotation, probably. Either that, or tides—are there any moons?›
No one else picked up the thread, and we plodded onward in sullen silence.
‹Jake,› I said, after we’d ducked into and out of the interior three more times, and had descended seven more floors. ‹Jake, I really think we need to de—›
‹—hear us? Repeat, this is Rachel, are you there? Can you guys hear us?›
‹We’re here,› Jake said. ‹What’s up?›
‹We found them. No sound yet, but we’ve got a definite scent trail, human and Hork-Bajir.›
‹Which way is it going?›
‹Well, it’s hard to tell without following it for a bit, seeing where it gets weaker. But it’s either up or down, and since the Bug fighters are up—›
It made sense. If you were going to power a lab with geothermal energy, you might as well put it right next to the source. We certainly hadn’t seen any high technology so far.
‹Roger,› Jake said. ‹Stay put, we’re coming to you.›
‹Cassie’s gone ahead, actually. But—uh, fuck, pronouns? He? He’s being careful. Said he’d stop the second he even thought he heard something.›
I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I swear I could feel Jake’s tightly-leashed anger, like a heat radiating through thought-speak. ‹You were supposed to stick together,› he said flatly.
‹Uh.›
‹Unless there was a reason not to.›
Silence.
The awkward kind.
I felt the need to say something, to intervene—to soothe the ruffled feathers, remind us that we were all on the same team, remind us not to let the heat get to us.
But I couldn’t figure out how. Every sentence I tried out was critically flawed. My heat-addled brain couldn’t think of any way to say hey, maybe we should all calm down that didn’t also include a hidden message of and for some reason I think you don’t already know this, and need me to tell you.
‹Whatever,› Jake said. ‹Stay put. We’ll be there soon.›
On we trudged, toward whatever.
* * *
—8796093022208—
I could hear them in the distance, the sound muffled and distorted by the twists and turns of the narrow stone passageways. There was a woman’s voice, cold and commanding—a man’s, quiet and appeasing—a Hork-Bajir’s gruff rumble—a high, avian trilling.
There were no other sounds. No footsteps, no gunfire, no technological hums. I listened for a full minute, and the voices neither faded nor grew clearer, though I thought they might have risen.
They were staying put.
I fought back against the urge to get closer, to reconnoiter. I’d already gone further than I should have, further than I’d agreed.
But I was so close. After being yanked out of Timbuktu, dragged through a Stephen King novel, and dropped into a ghost town on the outskirts of what was only barely metaphorically hell itself—
Those were the answers. Right there, just a few rooms away. Not just the answers to the little mess we were currently in, but precious hints about what lay ahead, too. The blue dwarf-thing had said that what happened on this planet would “directly impact” the situation on Earth, and honestly, it didn’t seem like any of us had given that dire pronouncement the attention it deserved over the past twenty-four hours.
Well, what would Cassie do?
Even in my owl body, I managed to sigh. There was something kind of cool about bringing all of the other Animorphs along with us in spirit, but there was also such a thing as taking it too far.
Turning, I took to the air, my wings utterly silent as I threaded my way back toward the others.
They were surprisingly quiet—it wasn’t until I was just two rooms away that I began to pick up on their heartbeats, and their breathing, and an unnerving grinding/squelching sound that had to be someone morphing.
‹Cassie here,› I broadcast. ‹Incoming.›
‹—just saying, maybe now is not the time to do this, given that we’re about to jump into who-knows-what and possibly all get killed?›
Apparently, someone had expanded their thought-speak to include me mid-sentence.
I winged into the room, braking softly and fluttering down to perch on what seemed to be a decorative sculpture, surrounded by what I thought might have been chairs of some kind.
‹Sure, yeah, let’s sort it out after we’re dead.›
It was obvious from the body language that the voice belonged to Jake—Jake, who looked as angry as I’d ever seen him, who was standing with his arms crossed, his hair soaked with sweat, glaring at Rachel-Marco while Tobias-Marco and Garrett-Marco looked back and forth between them both. Helium was in the background, giving off youngest-kid-trying-to-hide vibes as he demorphed from Hork-Bajir to Andalite.
‹Um,› I said. ‹Hi?›
Jake didn’t turn his head. ‹You said you were going to stick with Rachel.›
I—wha—
Oh.
‹It seemed safe,› I said. ‹I can hear heartbeats inside this thing—›
‹Not the point.›
If I had been in my own body, I would have blinked. As it was, I felt the feathers around my neck stand up, like hackles on a dog.
‹Uh. What is?›
It was the only innocuous response I could come up with.
‹I’m not in charge anymore. I’m seceding. Abdicating. Whatever the right word is.›
My brain tried out several sentences in rapid succession, rejecting What? and Why? and What? and What happened? before settling on ‹I don’t understand.›
‹That’s fine. You don’t have to.›
The words were cold as ice—
No. Not ice.
The words were like laser fire—white-hot and just pretending to be cold. Compressed, contained, radiating no heat.
I looked around the room. Clearly some kind of acknowledgement was needed, some kind of forward movement, the conversation was stalled, was in free-fall, felt like it was going to hit the ground at any second—
None of the other Marcos seemed to know what to say, either.
‹What,› I began, and then broke off, cursing myself, because some deep intuition told me that was the wrong word, that there was nowhere to go from there—
What do you want?
What’s wrong?
What can we do?
Oh. Right.
You want this to be on me, Jake had said, earlier. So it’s my fault. Back when we were talking about making sacrifices—when we’d all looked to him to tell us where the line was. Or at least, that’s what he’d thought we were doing.
And now—all of those what questions—
The one thing they had in common was that every sentence starting with what required him to put forth all of the effort. To explain, to guide, to decide.
‹Right,› I said, just to fill the silence. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to get us out of this—a part of me was with the other Marco, was thinking that it was absolutely insane to be doing this now, out of the blue, right before a battle—
But another part of me—
The part that looked backwards, at the dominos—
That part of me could see that Jake wasn’t doing anything at all, that this was happening to him, just as much as it was happening to the rest of us, that of course it was coming to a head now, it wasn’t out of the blue at all—
Jake, screaming my name as he demorphed, clawing his way across the hillside to where a broken human body lay twitching, bleeding, dying.
Jake, repeating over and over again that we could go slow while we insisted that losses were inevitable, that we would die shielding him.
Jake, emerging out of thin air, having thrown everything else aside to make sure that his people weren’t alone, that Helium and the mainline Marco had backup, only to discover that I/we had been making my/our own backup the whole time, without telling him.
And all the way back, all the way back to the very beginning—to Elfangor, who’d turned to Jake first, said Jake’s name first. Press your hand against the cube, Jake Berenson, he’d said, and we shall see what fate thinks of a human child’s resolve.
‹Right,› I repeated, as the fog cleared away. I still felt off-balance, disoriented, startled by the suddenness of what was happening, the sudden intensity of it. But I thought I saw where to go next, at least—
‹So, um. About the whole you-being-in-charge-thing—›
How to say it, how to phrase it so that it was clear that I was making an acknowledgement, rather than trying to give him permission—that I wasn’t trying to act like I had the authority to give him permission—
‹We’re sorry.›
It took almost a full second for me to be sure that the thought was someone else’s, that it hadn’t just been my own voice in my own head.
Slowly, hesitantly, Tobias-Marco was raising a hand.
Jake’s head turned.
‹We’re sorry,› he repeated. ‹And not, like, just to get you to change your mind.›
Jake said nothing.
‹We get it.›
The nothing radiated skepticism.
‹We should have—›
The skepticism reared like a cobra threatening to strike.
‹We should have a lot of things,› I cut in, raising a wing so they’d know it was me. Something told me it wasn’t the right moment to start a sentence with Cassie here. ‹It’s not—don’t—we’re not saying we get all of it. Just, like. It makes sense that you’re mad.›
I was babbling, trying to fill the air with innocuous reassurances, hoping not to accidentally step on a land mine.
‹And we—we’re sorry. And obviously you have the right to—to resign, that’s not—even if we wanted to object, we couldn’t—›
‹Couldn’t?› Jake snapped, and for a moment the laser lost focus, swelling to fill the room with fire. Just for a moment, a single frame of the video, and then the icy control was back. ‹Please. Tell me more about what you couldn’t do, Marco Number Twelve out of Thirty.›
I counted to ten, hoping and praying that the rest of me was doing the same, trying to wrangle the fear and anger and impatience that were threatening to overwhelm me. Jake was in a—a mood, and that was fine, it was fine for him to have his knives out, it wouldn’t be a knife fight unless I took out my knives, too—
‹Is there, like, some kind of trap here that you’re wanting me to walk into, buddy?› I said.
Oof. Maybe you should have counted to eleven?
Jake’s eyes glittered. ‹No trap,› he said. ‹I just think it’s time to stop pretending.›
Pretending—
Couldn’t do—
You said you were going to stick with Rachel.
‹Right,› I said, my own voice going sour. ‹Right. Well. It’s a hundred and fifteen degrees, we all just came through hell, and whatever’s going on here, it’s going on about nineteen rooms over. Can we just—say sorry, and deal with the rest of this afterward?›
C’mon, man, meet me in the middle, here—
‹How about we vote on it?›
Motherfucker.
A part of me wanted to just say sure, why not, five to two in favor of you shutting the fuck up.
But that wouldn’t do any good, because it wasn’t a bluff. Calling him on it wouldn’t change anything. And also—
I clicked my beak, my wings rustling irritably.
He was right.
I wasn’t thrilled to admit it, but the part of me that was silently screaming at Jake to grow the fuck up and have a little self-control also had a few choice things to say about my own—our own—actions, both recent and not-so.
Jake was right that I—that we, not just Marco-plural but all of the Animorphs—had never really accepted his authority, authority that the rest of us had forced upon him, for the most part. We’d put him in charge, all the way back in Ventura, and then—
Well. Then, we’d done pretty much whatever we wanted. Rachel, warning the Yeerks. Tobias, running off to rescue Ax. Ax, letting himself get infested. Cassie—
It was easy to say we did what we had to do or we did the right thing, under the circumstances. But those words didn’t excuse anything. People pretty much always did what they thought was best, given the circumstances.
And in the meantime, there was Jake, doing his best to hold it all together. Picking up the pieces of the various messes we made.
And because of me—
—and the fucking blue Yoda thing—
—no, that wasn’t fair, the blue Yoda thing had pulled some genie bullshit, but it was my choices that had enabled that bullshit, my decision to create clones of myself in the first place that had opened the door to the rest of it—
Because of me, he’d had to watch his best friend die three times in one night, and was maybe about to go through it all again.
‹All right, fine,› I said, breaking the silence. ‹All in favor of admitting Jake has a point, and I—we—Marco has been kind of an asshole.›
Hands went up.
‹All in favor of—›
I broke off, changing direction mid-sentence as I caught Jake’s expression, one last puzzle piece falling into place—
Jake didn’t want to settle this issue. Not completely. He was perfectly happy to go into battle angry—to have us going into battle angry with him.
That was the point, really, judging by the way he was acting.
It was me who wanted us to make up and make nice.
Me, times five.
And if the five of us insisted on having it out, if we all ganged up on him and dragged him back to a state of calm, just to make ourselves feel better—
All right, buddy. Take your time.
‹Fuck it,› I said. ‹That was the only vote that mattered. Put your hands down.›
I could see the line stretching out in front of me, clear and bright and tempting.
But it wasn’t the right point B.
‹Bids open.›
The other four Marcos looked at me.
Looked at each other.
Looked back at me.
‹Seriously?› I grumbled. ‹What is this, ‘you touched it last’?›
Touched your MOM last. Last night, that is.
‹Twice,› whispered four voices.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Tick tock, motherfucker.
There was no point in arguing, so I didn’t.
‹All right,› I said. ‹Let’s make a plan.›
* * *
—2199023255552 —
The thing about owls is, they don’t have a sense of smell.
‹Holy fucking shit.›
That’s how they can hunt skunks. Bears, wolves, foxes, even hawks and eagles—all the other large predators stay away, out of fear of getting sprayed. But owls don’t care.
‹Careful—quiet—›
That’s part of why we sent Cassie-Marco and Rachel-Marco out hunting together. Owl and wolf. Sight and smell. Cover all the bases, you know?
‹Is that—is that an Andalite?›
And hearing, of course. Both of them had been able to hear.
But then, nothing in this room was making any sound at all.
I tried not to breathe through my nose as I stepped carefully across the threshold, gun held low but ready. Around me, the others fanned out—gorilla, wolf, human, Andalite, Hork-Bajir—each picking their way silently through the mass of battered, mutilated corpses.
‹I’ve got—at least thirteen Hork-Bajir, so far.›
We were only maybe two or three turns away from our target. I could hear the voices echoing through the narrow stone corridors—hear them with my own, regular human ears. We’d been planning to get close before figuring out the next step.
We hadn’t expected to come across a charnel house.
‹Laser marks on the walls,› said a voice. ‹Look—you can see where the algae is burned away.›
The room was dark, the glow already dimmer than candlelight. But it was enough.
‹Ax—sorry, Helium—come and take a look at this?›
The looming Hork-Bajir shuffled past me, heading for the center of the room.
‹I’ve got fragments of metal, too. Looks like maybe a hand grenade or something?›
I knelt down, placing my fingers on the forehead of one of the bodies. After a moment, I slid the gun into my pocket and placed my other hand on the stone floor.
‹Still warm,› I called out. ‹Warmer than the rest of the room, I mean.›
The dead alien was holding a Dracon beam, a handheld model identical to the one that I’d brought with me from Brazil, the one Helium was currently holding. Prying back the claws one by one, I lifted it carefully out and checked the power pack.
‹Some of the weapons are still charged,› I said. ‹We might want to rethink the gorilla and wolf morphs.›
‹Hey, is anybody watching the door?›
‹I’ll cover it.›
I straightened, turning to look at the bodies closest to me. Some of them were burned, others cut, others crushed or dismembered. One of them had something sticking out of its chest. I stepped forward for a closer look.
‹This is not an Andalite,› said Helium. ‹But it is similar. Like the creature Visser Three used in Washington, D.C. I think—I think this might be a Visser Three host. A clone host, for one of his cloned Yeerks, or a puppet body like the one Rachel encountered at the high school.›
‹That would explain the twenty-three dead Hork-Bajir.›
‹Would we be able to tell, if we cut open the head?› someone asked.
‹No. The difference between a cloned Yeerk and a Z-space control mechanism derived from Yeerk flesh—no. Not without equipment that we don’t have, and which I do not know how to operate in any case.›
‹Somebody acquire it.›
I tuned them out, crouching next to the body of the dead Controller. The object sticking out of its chest was one of the head-horns of another Hork-Bajir, shattered and charred at the base. It must have been blown off, blown off and blasted backward into the soldier behind him—
I looked around the room again. We had been in some pretty bad situations, had managed to weasel our way out of some pretty tight spots. But if we’d been here, while all of this was happening—
I tried to imagine it. The dark room, full of surging bodies—the sound of Dracon fire—the smell of blood and ozone—flashes of light in the darkness—
I shivered. In all likelihood, we would have—
‹Guys. This—this is a Marco.›
My head twisted around so fast my neck cracked.
‹Here.›
A hand, waving in the darkness.
‹He’s dead.›
The rest of us converged on the spot, picking our way across the room as quickly as we could.
The Marco was lying flat on his back, a look of surprise frozen on his face. There was a gun on the floor not far from his hand—a regular human handgun, like the one in my own pocket. He’d been shot in the chest with laser fire, and there were long, deep cuts across his shoulder and arms, dried blood darkening the fabric of one pant leg.
‹Is this—›
We were silent, each of us trying to remember.
Is this one of the ones that ran away? Back at the top of the valley? Or is this—
—the original—
‹It doesn’t matter,› I said forcefully.
And it didn’t. Not really.
But I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it sort of did anyway.
‹Guys, what—what do we—›
I didn’t know whose voice it was, but that didn’t matter, either.
‹Acquire him,› I said. ‹Somebody acquire him.›
‹He won’t have any memories of this—›
‹Just do it anyway.›
A long, scuffling silence.
‹We’re still on track,› said probably-Cassie-Marco-given-the-tone-of-command. ‹They’re right around the corner.›
‹Yeah, but—›
But we’re not prepared for this level of violence.
‹Helium,› I said. ‹How many Hork-Bajir can fit inside of a Bug fighter?›
‹Normal crew is four. Normal troop complement is seven more. For short flights, for important missions—you could fit as many as sixteen, perhaps eighteen.›
‹Who’s been counting?› I asked. ‹Is twenty-three still the—›
‹No. I make twenty-six heads, possibly two or three more depending on how all the loose parts fit together.›
Call it twenty-nine. With at least one Hork-Bajir in the room up ahead, and with the three that had stayed behind to guard the Bug fighters, that made thirty-three exactly—
‹Risky,› said another Marco, thinking the same thoughts at the same time. ‹You’re assuming they all came out of the fighters—that none of these were already stationed here.›
‹Look,› said probably-Cassie-Marco-again. ‹It’s not like we’re gonna not go take a look, right?›
‹Split the party?› someone suggested. ‹Vanguard and reserve?›
‹No.›
We all turned. Somehow, it was clear that the voice had been Jake’s.
‹No splitting,› he said. And then, after a pause—‹That’s my vote, anyway.›
We talked back and forth for another two minutes, but all of us knew that the decision had already been made.
‹It’s not like this was ever safe to begin with,› someone muttered, as we demorphed and remorphed.
‹Anybody else disturbed by how much ‘fuck it’ has become our primary operating procedure?› someone else said, as we lined up.
Five Hork-Bajir, holding five Dracon beams, with five more strapped to our backs. Helium, in tarantula hawk morph, his Andalite body holding the two human guns in Z-space. And Jake, wearing Ax’s old body, carrying no weapons—our diplomat, if we turned out to need one.
‹Here we go,› whispered a quiet voice.
‹Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,› whispered another.
‹Like there’s anything you wouldn’t do,› whispered a third.
It was surreal, stepping out of the charnel house and into the quiet, softly glowing corridor—all of us stepping into the corridor, leaving the death and carnage behind us just as suddenly as we’d come across it, without a word, without even pausing for a moment of silence, of ceremony. The whole thing felt like a dream, a nightmare—had the same quality of rapidly-shifting madness, absolute unpredictability. From Brazil, to the valley, to the vast, empty city on the edge of the river of fire, to—to that—and now, up ahead, ordinary human voices arguing in ordinary human tones, a man and a woman—
I felt like I was ten steps behind. I felt like I wasn’t even on my feet—like I was inert, free falling—a marble in a game of Mouse Trap—
A domino waiting to fall.
We turned a corner. The voices were louder now, the individual words almost comprehensible. Somebody held up a hand, slipped forward as the rest of us waited, crouched down and peered around the corner at knee-height.
Maybe you’ve just reached your limit, is all. Maybe you just can’t take in any more.
The dark shape waved us forward, and the rest of us followed, around the corner and into a large, cavernous room with a domed roof. On the far side were three round doorways—two of them dark, and one of them bright with light from the room beyond.
Better hope not, because this isn’t over. It kind of hasn’t even really started yet.
As we stepped out into the dim, echoing space, the voices finally snapped into focus, the curved roof reflecting the sound straight to our ears.
“—you, it’s not an option. Period.”
“Then we need to leave. There’s no way they failed to send a signal—without proof, what do you think this looks like? Treason, plain and simple—”
“We have proof. He is the proof.”
“Not if we can’t get it out of him. Not if we can’t demonstrate it to the council—”
The woman let out a long, ragged half-scream of frustration.
Five of us froze.
“—just get out of here before they get here, take him with us, we can find—”
Jake took two more steps and then stopped, his stalk eyes swiveling back and forth between us. ‹What—›
‹Shh.›
We stood as still as statues, riveted, listening. In the background, the man’s words continued to flow, inconsequential, meaningless.
“—maybe to Eldra? Or Isk?”
The five of us waited, transfixed—pinned to the moment, struggling to hold on to the impossible thought long enough to acquire proof, to keep our own reason and sanity from slamming the door shut prematurely, solely on the grounds that there was no fucking way, it literally could not be—
The woman spoke.
“We have barely enough fuel to get past Leera, let alone all the way to Isk—”
She spoke, and we heard, and we were sure, all five of us, and suddenly nothing else seemed to matter anymore.
We moved forward as one, one mind with five bodies, fixated on one singular purpose.
‹Marco, what are you doing?›
We passed through the round opening on the far side of the room, our footsteps utterly silent. There was a turn to the left, a short corridor, a doorway on the right that opened into a room glowing with bright, golden light.
‹Jesus—Helium, stay here, stay out of sight—›
The doorway was wide enough to let two of us pass through together, shoulder to shoulder. Without a word, without the loss of even a tenth of a second, we split ourselves, lining up like schoolchildren, two and two and one. I was in the second row, on the left.
‹Marco, stop!›
There’s a certain kind of thinking that most people never quite manage to master. It starts when you ask yourself, without any kind of self-deception or wishful thinking, what you would have decided, if you’d thought about it earlier. Like, say you and a friend agreed to meet up on a certain day, but you forgot to lock down where or when or what for.
If you can figure out what you would have said—not what you wish you would have said but what you really actually would have said—and if you can figure out what your friend would have said back—and furthermore if your friend can do the same move—if you can both count on each other to think it through properly—
Then sometimes—not always, but sometimes—you can both show up at the same place, at the same time, like magic. The right place, at the right time, just as if you’d planned it all out in advance.
It’s not easy even under the best of circumstances. To know yourself and another person that well—to be able to predict, not just what each of you would think, but what each of you would think the other would think, knowing that the other was doing the same thing. Even Jake and I couldn’t really count on it, could only do it once in a while, and more than half by luck.
But the five of us—
—the five of me—
—we had an obvious advantage in that department.
The two Marcos in front rounded the corner in unison, guns already raised, as if they’d rehearsed it a thousand times. By the time I stepped into the room behind them, they had already fired their first two shots, and two bodies were already falling. I raised my own gun along with the Marco beside me, and we each sighted down our barrels, knowing that we were aiming at different targets, knowing without the need for explicit, conscious thought—just doing what made sense, and counting on the others to do the same.
Four more bodies fell, and there were only six left. I shifted my aim—
A volley of bolts came flashing back toward us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of us fall. I ignored it, squeezing the trigger—
It was all over in another second or so. Three of us were down, and nine of them, leaving only the two human Controllers and a large, feathered avian shackled to the wall. The man had been hit in both the arm and the leg, and was screaming in pain where he lay on the floor.
The woman was just screaming.
Jake came around the corner, his head low, his tail blade at the ready.
‹It’s over,› I said, as the three fallen Marcos began to melt their way out of their dead and dying Hork-Bajir bodies, as the other Marco still standing moved back to cover the room, leaving me alone in the center of the floor.
‹Marco, what—›
And then Jake stopped—broke off mid-thought and jerked to a halt like he’d hit an invisible force field, because he saw it, too.
The woman was my mother.
My mother, Elena Louisa Roja Levy.
My mother, who had died—
—vanished—
—more than two years earlier, in a boating accident off the coast.
My mother.
‹What—›
“What are you waiting for, Andalite?” my mother snarled, the words so full of fury and contempt that there was no room for even a drop of fear.
‹Marco, don’t—›
‹Shut up,› I said.
I stepped forward, raised the gun, pointed it straight at my mother’s—
My mother’s!
—head.
‹Yeerk,› I said, my own fury a perfect mirror of hers. ‹You are trespassing in this human’s mind. You will remove yourself, or you will die.›
The Yeerk puppetmaster pulled my mother’s—
My mother’s!
—lips into a sneer, forced her throat to shape a bitter laugh. “You’ll have to do better than that, Andalite.”
Without taking my eyes off of my mother—
My mother!
—I swung the gun around, pointed it at the head of the writhing, screaming man, and pulled the trigger.
Blood mist washed over us both.
I swung the gun back.
The Yeerk behind my mother’s eyes flinched—not with fear, but with rage, barely checked by survival instinct. “You bastard!” she shrieked, her face darkening, fingers twisted into claws. “He was an unarmed—”
‹You will remove yourself,› I repeated, ‹or you will die.›
There was a moment of wild, flickering uncertainty—one single, bright moment where it seemed like that might do it, like it might have been enough—
And then my mother’s face hardened again.
“No,” said the Yeerk. “You’ll just—”
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing the exact same thing at least one more time.
I swung the gun to point at the shackled avian prisoner.
‹Chest,› a silent voice reminded me.
I lowered the gun a few degrees.
“No!” the Yeerk controlling my mother shouted, raising her hands, her voice suddenly frightened and vulnerable. “No, wait, you don’t underst—”
I pulled the trigger.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?” my mother’s rapist shrieked. “Do you have any idea who—”
She broke off with shocking abruptness, and then began to laugh—an empty, reckless laughter, the laughter of a damned soul.
“Ah,” she said. “Of course. I see. Not Andalites at all.”
Beside me, the three human Marcos were rising to their feet, the last traces of Hork-Bajir fading as they finished demorphing.
“A clever ploy, parading his body in front of the council,” she snarled, as one of the Marcos bent over the body of the avian, putting a hand to the side of its head. “Though it seems excessively sadistic—even for you—to clone him for further use, afterward. Couldn’t find anyone taller for your little puppet show?”
The gun wavered as my mind raced—as I tried to put it together, from her perspective, see things as she saw them, make sense out of the disconnected words.
“You may as well kill us both. Try to drag me from this woman’s brain and I will wreck it on my way out. I’ll leave you no easy library to poke through.”
A strange hypothesis, rising in credibility—
Dead doombot outside, surrounded by Hork-Bajir.
Imprisoned Arn inside.
Three Bug fighters.
I lowered the gun an inch.
‹Who are you?› I asked.
The alien slug inside my mother scoffed.
A flash of blue moved in the corner of my eye, and I twitched. I had almost completely forgotten about Jake.
‹Yeerk,› he said, as he reared, bringing his main eyes to head height. ‹I am no tool of Esplin, nor friend, nor ally. I am the brother of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, who you feared as the Beast, the Vanarx, the blade that falls without warning—›
“Lies,” she spat. “Aximili is on Earth, trapped there by the rift. You think I haven’t done my homework? I’m here, aren’t I? Have some respect.”
A Controller coming after Visser Three—a Controller with intel about the Earth, about the Yeerk council—who speaks like she’s used to being obeyed—
Ax had said something about a plot to depose—
‹Visser One?› I whispered.
But how—Mom died over two years ago—Seerow hadn’t even discovered the Yeerks yet—had he?
Some tiny, distant part of my brain noted that we’d never asked Ax how many human years there were in an Andalite one.
“Are we dropping the pretense, then?”
I refocused.
‹Mom,› I said, lowering the gun the rest of the way. ‹Mom, it’s me. It’s Marco. I mean, it’s really Marco, not a trick or anything. Don’t—don’t try to answer, don’t fight, I know how it is. But I’m here. I’m here, and I’m going to get you out. Look—Jake’s here, too—›
I gestured, and Jake began to demorph.
‹Hi, Mrs. Levy,› he said, and it sounded like Jake—even though it was still in my own mental voice, the way thought-speak always was, there was something about the quality of the words that could only have come from my best friend—
Or from a Yeerk, pulling the strings.
My mother’s eyes narrowed as they tracked rapidly back and forth between the two of us. “What’s your game here, Esplin?” the Yeerk seethed.
‹Not Esplin,› I said. ‹I don’t—I know, it doesn’t make any sense. But we’re here for the same reason you are—to stop him, to stop Visser Three.›
“Bullshit,” she said. “You came in here, you kill my guards, you murder Hildy—covering your tracks? I’m surprised your pet was even still alive for us to find.”
‹Jake,› I whispered, as the gun grew heavier in my hands. ‹Jake, help.›
‹Visser—sorry, Mrs. Levy, I don’t mean to ignore you but I’ve got to talk to this—this—›
Jake broke off as his morph passed the halfway mark, as a gash split open in his Andalite face and began to grow lips and teeth. There was an uncertain silence, long enough for my thoughts to begin to wobble dangerously once again—
What the fuck.
What the fuck.
What the FUCK—
—even as another, deeper part of me was whispering that it all made sense, it all made perfect sense, this was why the meddler god had brought us here, why he’d brought spares—to make certain that at least one of us made it this far, it didn’t matter who as long as at least one of us was there to recognize her—
“Sorry,” Jake said again, as the fur shrank into his skin and the bones of his spine rearranged themselves with an unsettling crackle. “Visser. Visser One. My name is Jake Berenson. I’m the leader of the human resistance—”
“Bullshit,” my mother’s voice spat. “I saw that body, too. What are you playing at?”
‹You did not see my body, Yeerk.›
Helium stepped forward on my other side, the last traces of tarantula hawk slowly vanishing. ‹I am Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, brother of Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. And as you can see, I am not on Earth.›
“Are they holograms?” the Yeerk sneered. “Or have you perhaps found a race of natural shape-shifters? I somehow doubt you’d bother toying with me, if you’d really cracked the morphing tech. Maybe your pet engineered you some changelings, in addition to your clones?”
‹Marco,› spoke a low voice in the back of my mind. ‹Marco, we are going to take a risk. Please be understanding. If your mother behaves in a threatening manner, we will respond with violence, but we will not kill her. This we swear.›
I turned my head as Helium raised a hand toward the opening of his ear, watched along with everyone else as a wet, gray proboscis poked out and began to wave around.
Fifteen seconds later, there was a Yeerk in his hand.
‹This is no hologram, Visser. And I am no slave, either. Here. Hold out your hand and feel.›
There was a look of shock—tightly controlled—on my mother’s face, as the Yeerk pulling her strings reached out a hand—a finger—stroked gently along the length of the Yeerk, as gently as you might touch a baby’s face.
‹That is Perdão of Terra that you see,› Helium declared, drawing his hand back and lifting the Yeerk up to his ear. ‹Together we resist the forces of conquest on Earth. The forces of Visser Three.›
My mother’s eyes narrowed again, her head turning from face to face to face, her confusion now plainly evident. She said nothing.
‹Marco, this is Jake, private channel. What—how do you want to play this?›
Back in your morph armor already, buddy?
I kept my own eyes straight ahead. ‹We get her out,› I said. ‹Whatever it takes.›
‹Are you—›
‹Whatever it takes.›
‹Have you thought about—›
‹Whatever it takes, Jake.›
Jake fell silent.
Inside my own head, my thoughts were boiling. There was no clear line in sight, just an all-encompassing, overwhelming point B, pulling at me like a black hole with no obvious path to get there.
To do what you do.
Yeah, well, there was no option but this one, no chance that any of the five of us could walk away at this point. If the Ellimist or Crayak or whoever had been counting on that, then they were going to get what they paid for.
‹Acquire her,› I said out loud.
My mother’s body straightened, her face darkening again, and I raised the gun, thumbing the power level to stun. ‹Resistance is futile,› I bit out, without a trace of humor or levity.
One of me stepped forward, placed a hand on our mother’s arm, focused briefly. I watched her eyes flutter shut—
‹Now we have all of your secrets,› I said. ‹Anything that my mother would remember, anyway. Staying in her head saves nothing. Hurting her saves nothing.›
“Bullshit you have all of her—”
‹That’s my cue, right?›
Motion in the corner, a bright flash of colors.
‹So, yeah. Uh. Let’s see. Proof that morphing gives us access to all of your secrets. Well, this guy’s name is something like Quatzhinnikon, not really sure how to make it make sense in English sounds. What’s the easiest—oh, well, I guess there’s this.›
The avian body shook, the colors of its feathers changing in hypnotic waves—white to green to orange to deep blue.
‹This guy has a perfect memory. I mean perfect. Apparently, this species encodes its memories instantly, because I’ve got the whole conversation between Mom and dear departed Hildy, here. It doesn’t understand English, but it remembers the sounds, in detail, in order. Hang on.›
I glanced back at my mother’s face. It was twisted with emotion, indecision—
‹Yeah, so. Apparently they came here figuring they’d just pop a Yeerk into whoever they found, get the dirt on Visser Three that way. Didn’t realize that the Arn had reengineered themselves to be immune to infestation, and they don’t know how to speak his language, so they’ve just been sitting here shouting do you speak English and trying to figure out what to do next—›
I glanced at the dead body dangling from the shackles, wondering if I should feel remorse.
‹Speaking of immune to infection, this guy figures he’s probably resistant to being morphed, too. He predicts I’ve got about ten minutes in here before the control Yeerk starts to rot away, so maybe we want to hurry this up?›
‹Were we right about Visser Three?› someone asked. ‹What he’s planning?›
‹Yeah. Or at least—damn, Visser Three had this guy chasing down a lot of different threads—›
‹Maybe don’t say them all out loud where Visser One can hear them, just yet,› Jake interrupted, his voice dry.
In spite of everything, I felt my lips twitch. They had played that perfectly—tone, timing, all of it.
‹That’s what you were arguing about, right before we came in, wasn’t it?› I asked, lowering the gun again. ‹You were saying that Quatazh—that this creature was all the evidence you needed. Who do you need evidence for, Visser? What have you been accused of?›
The Yeerk inside my mother’s head said nothing, only glared.
‹Let me guess,› I said, closing my eyes, letting my brain fill in the pattern.
Parading his body in front of the council—
‹Visser Three blamed you for the problems with the Earth invasion,› I ventured. ‹Said you’d gone native, were colluding with the humans. Showed them your host body’s son’s body, as proof. Marco, poster child for the Animorphs. Am I warm?›
I opened my eyes to find my mother’s staring back at me, looking somehow cracked, uncertainty leaking through the hardness.
‹So you came here, looking for proof that he’s the one who’s turned against the Yeerk empire. Right?›
My mother’s body stiffened—not much, but enough.
‹Well, jackpot,› said the Arn-Marco.
‹We’ve known for a while,› I explained. ‹Visser Three—he’s been doing everything he can to stop humans and Yeerks from sitting down to negotiate. From realizing that there doesn’t have to be a war.›
Her gaze flickered toward Helium—
‹He’s not the only one,› I said. ‹Not the only voluntary host on the team. Dad—›
I squeezed my eyes shut again, overwhelmed by a sudden wave of emotion. Thinking of him, while looking at her—
‹Dad’s one of them. He’s trying to resist—to resist the Visser. But the Yeerks the Visser brought with him—the ones already in the system—he’s got them mostly under his thumb. Half of them are his, and the other half have a knife at their throat.›
I glanced to the side as the other two Marcos acquired the avian, as Jake stepped forward and gently touched my mother’s elbow, as the Marco still in Hork-Bajir morph began transforming back into his real body.
‹So,› I said. ‹Are you goi—›
“How are there five of you?” she asked abruptly, cutting me off.
I turned to look at Jake.
“Seems safe enough,” he murmured.
‹We have a morphing cube,› I answered. ‹Elfangor left it with us.›
“That doesn’t exp—”
‹If you stay past the time limit, the controlling consciousness goes away, and the body just permanently becomes the body. Stay past morph as a bird, you die and there’s just a bird. Stay past morph as Marco…›
The Yeerk laughed again—that same cold, reckless laugh. “I must say, I’m impressed. You really are your mother’s son.”
I felt my finger twitch on the trigger.
“She tried to kill me once, you know. Well, more than once, but once she almost succeeded. Such a tiny little hole in my control—the ability to close one eye. I had to look back, afterward, to try to figure out what had happened. She never thought about it. Never planned. Never let herself notice it, somehow—hid the knowledge even from herself until exactly the right moment—”
Enough of this.
‹Time to decide, Yeerk,› I broke in. ‹Leave my mother’s body, and live, or stay inside of her and we’ll starve you out.›
“Did you not hear me before? I’ll wreck this woman’s brain long before the fugue takes me.”
‹Try it and I’ll kill you both. Don’t think I won’t do it just to spare my mother the pain.›
Hard the words, hard the resolve underneath them.
I love you, Mom.
“Who’s to say I’m not doing it already, right this very second?”
‹Marco,› Jake warned, as my finger twitched on the trigger again.
I waved him back. ‹You,› I said. ‹You’re to say. Her life is your only bargaining chip. You wouldn’t give it up that quickly.›
“Far from my only bargaining chip.”
I tilted my head.
“Visser One, remember?”
I was silent for a moment as my brain churned through the implications.
‹Even better, then,› I said. ‹You want to live, we want to keep you alive. We’re all on the same page. All you have to do to make it happen is get out of her head.›
“And go where?”
I gestured toward the Arn-Marco. ‹This Arn has been doing all kinds of experiments with Yeerk biology,› I said. ‹There must be a supply of kandrona somewhere. Maybe even stasis tubes. And if not, you’ve got to have some on the Bug fighters, right?›
‹There are some down here,› the other Marco confirmed. ‹Actually, not just that—›
I lifted a finger. ‹So, Yeerk? Do we have a deal?›
The Yeerk behind my mother’s eyes scoffed. “This woman’s son?” she said, putting on an air of disbelief. “The boy who killed five other people to make copies of himself? I’m supposed to take his word?”
‹What about the word of an Andalite warrior?› Helium asked. ‹Your fellow host?›
“Brother of Elfangor? Bearer of a shard that could be a copy of Esplin himself, for all that I know?” The Yeerk shook my mother’s head. “None of you are worth trusting on your word alone.”
I looked at Jake.
‹Marco, no,› he whispered. ‹I know what you’re thinking, but—›
‹It’s my mother, Jake.›
‹It’s too high a price. You can’t possibly—the morphing power, Marco. Visser One, with the morphing power? And—and the location of Terra, and everything you know about Tyagi and Telor—shoot, about the Ellimist—›
‹What if you kill me after?› I said. ‹As soon as it’s out of her?›
Jake gave no answer for a long moment—glanced nervously back and forth between me and my mother, chewing his lip.
‹No,› he said finally. ‹Look—the Ellimist bringing us here—I gotta figure, it’s more about getting us in touch with Visser One than about giving you a chance to save your mother.›
I managed to keep my temper, barely. ‹You really want to keep that thing alive?› I asked.
‹Visser One, Marco. Listen to yourself.›
I let out a breath.
‹Fuck you,› I growled.
‹Atta boy.›
‹Turn it back around on you, then,› I said. ‹Why not one of me? If we’re already going to be taking it with us—it’s not like we don’t have spares.›
Jake’s face turned thoughtful again—
‹Hey, it’s me. Marco-of-Paradise. Private channel.›
I turned to look, my eyes lingering for a moment on my mother, who was standing there with arms crossed, a knowing smirk on her face.
‹I’m guessing you and Jake are fighting about letting her take one of us as a host?›
I gave a fractional nod.
‹Well, listen. There’s a ton of stuff we need to sort through, but one thing that might be particularly relevant—›
I felt my heartrate tick up.
‹You remember we were guessing that V3 was trying to figure out Yeerk-to-Yeerk telepathy?›
‹Yeah.›
‹Well, he was. I mean, there’s more to it than that, we can talk about the rest later, but—this guy cracked it.›
‹Define ‘cracked.’›
‹These guys know their shit, man. I’m telling you, he cracked it. Spliced in some genes from some hive-mind species that V3 found somewhere, threw it onto a splicer virus, did some biomagic to deal with the cancer and the side effects—boom. Wireless coalescion.›
‹Just like that?›
‹Just like that. Visser Three’s had this for weeks.›
‹What else has he had for weeks?›
‹None of the big shit—that’s all still in R&D. There’s no way for him to mass transform all the Yeerks into little Esplins—look, I’m literally dying here, can we do this later? That’s all you need, right?›
I turned to look at my mother again.
It was all I needed.
‹Jake,› I said.
‹Eh?›
‹What if we distribute the Yeerk?›
‹What?›
‹We distribute the Yeerk across multiple bodies. That way they’re all too small to take full control. Like Temrash getting inside Ax.›
My brain tried to throw up an objection—such a tiny little hole in my control—but I squashed it, cut it off, threw it aside. I could see the bright line, now, and I had no room left to care about anything else.
‹Isn’t that like the equivalent of cutting your IQ into quarters, though? Why would she go for it?›
I explained what the other Marco had told me.
Jake and I argued for a little while.
I won.
Then Jake and I argued a little about me winning.
‹Look,› I said finally, cutting him off. ‹I get what you’re saying. You’re right. This is all happening super fast. But no joke—you saw how that thing teleported us in here. It could pull us back out any second. And if we blink and find ourselves back on Earth and that thing is still inside my mother, so help me—›
I broke off, took a couple of long, deep breaths. ‹Do you have any actual objections?› I asked. ‹Or is it just, like, you feel like you should have some?›
‹I definitely feel like I should have some, yeah. But—›
‹Is this the part where I mention how you’re not in charge anymore?›
‹Go to hell, Marco.›
‹Atta boy.›
I turned back to my mother, and to the alien slug holding her hostage.
“Finished already?” she goaded.
‹If we keep you alive, what can you do to help the resistance?›
The Yeerk tilted my mother’s head, considering.
“A fair bit,” she said. “My rank is still in effect, for now—the council won’t revoke it without careful deliberation. And even after that changes, there’s a chance it won’t filter all the way down to the Earth fleet. There have been communication issues.”
‹Visser Three manufactured those.›
“Still. I can use that as a point against him, if it comes down to a question of authority. I’m assuming you have a way back into the system?”
Not even a hesitation, really, just a tiny, fractional delay—
‹Yes,› I said.
“What is it?”
‹We’re the ones asking the questions, Yeerk.›
She smiled—my mother’s exact smile, light and mysterious and playful.
Focus.
‹What else?› I asked. ‹If they don’t listen?›
She hesitated, and I saw her eyes flicker toward the gun. “I have backdoor codes to approximately fifteen percent of the ships in the Yeerk fleet,” she said reluctantly. “Including all of the ships in the Earth system or bound for it.”
‹What kind of backdoor codes?›
“Full remote override. Engines, communications, weapons. Life support, even.”
‹Roll to disbelieve,› whispered a Marco.
‹Still,› another replied.
‹How?› I asked.
She smiled again.
‹Assuming we believe you,› I ground out. ‹Assuming we let you live, bring you with us. Would you—›
‹Stop.›
I broke off. There was movement in the corner of my vision, and I turned to see another copy of my mother, dressed in loose shorts and a t-shirt, waving her—his—hands.
‹She’s seen the Ellimist. The avatar, anyway.›
‹What?›
‹She—she was infested four years ago. Infested on Earth. Infested before Seerow—before this Seerow—›
‹WHAT?›
‹I don’t—I don’t know. I’m not sure. There are gaps—places where she wasn’t able to see, or where she forgot—time travel, alternate universes—she’s been a Controller for four years. She knew Elfangor! Knew him in human morph, on Earth!›
‹Helium?›
‹We—we don’t know—our Elfangor doesn’t know this woman—›
‹Jake?›
“Hello?” said the Controller, waving one of my mother’s hands. “Are you still th—”
‹You,› I said, turning back and raising the gun. ‹The Ellimist. Talk. Now.›
“Ellimist?” she said, and the deception was flawless, masterful, exactly the right amount of confusion and surprise, of frustrated nonchalance. “The Andalite fairy ta—”
I flicked the gun from stun to max, fired a bolt into the wall directly beside her head. She shrieked, her hand flying to her face where a droplet of molten stone had splashed onto her cheek—
‹Shut up,› I said. ‹We have all of my mother’s memories. You. Talk. Now.›
My mother’s jaw clicked shut. Her eyes traced around the room, lingering for a moment on the corpse of the man—Henry?
“Give me a sign,” she said quietly.
‹What?›
“A sign,” she repeated. “Give me a sign.”
‹Like a password? Like in the fucking Silver Chair? Like, in the name of Aslan, I—›
I broke off, because my mother had gasped—a true, human-sounding gasp, the kind that’s torn out of you, that’s almost impossible to fake. All of the blood had drained out of her face, and her eyes were as wide as silver dollars.
It was only for a moment, and then she regained control, the mask dropping back down as quickly as it had lifted.
But I’d seen it. I’d seen it, and I believed it.
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered.
‹Bullsh—›
“I can’t,” she insisted. “It’s not a choice. But—”
She faltered, looked around at the seven of us, at the corpses littering the floor. “I accept your terms,” she said.
‹We haven’t even told them to you yet.›
“I accept them.”
‹What—›
‹Marco,› Jake interrupted. ‹Take yes for an answer.›
I was silent for a long, long moment.
Hey, remember when you were thinking to yourself that you felt ten steps behind?
‹Here is the deal, Yeerk,› I said. ‹The Arn have developed a technology which allows your kind to stay in contact while in separate hosts. A telepathic coalescion. You understand the implications?›
My mother’s brow furrowed. Her mouth opened, but no words came out.
‹You will leave my mother’s head. You will divide yourself into—›
I looked around the room myself—at Jake, at Helium, at the other Marcos.
‹Into four pieces,› I said. ‹Each of those shards will enter one of my heads.›
I stopped talking.
“And?” she demanded.
‹And what? That’s it.›
“Kandrona.”
‹We have oatmeal. Besides, somewhere lying around here is a virus that makes human bodies produce their own. You’ll manage.›
“And Elena?”
‹She goes free. You don’t harm her. If you do—if you did—you’re done. You die here, now, in this room, and it doesn’t matter what else we have to do to make it happen.›
The Yeerk clenched my mother’s fists, pointed my mother’s eyes straight at mine.
“This—this treatment,” she said. “Say that it’s safe. Say that you’ll administer it safely, that you won’t sabotage it. That you won’t omit any risks that come from it.”
I looked over at the avian Marco. It nodded, the gesture oddly uncoordinated in the alien body.
‹That’s the deal,› I said. ‹You set my mother free, in exchange for access to four Marcos—access without control. None of us tries anything funny unless you do first.›
‹Marco,› Jake whispered. ‹Your mom—she’s—the Ellimist probably isn’t going to send her back with us—›
‹She knows how to fly a Bug fighter,› I said. ‹She can take care of herself.›
‹What if it doesn’t send the Yeerk back with us, either?›
‹Puh-lease,› I said, sweeping my gaze around the room once more.
To do what you do, the avatar had said. To act as seems appropriate, under the circumstances.
‹This is exactly what that little blue fucker sent us here to do.›
Chapter 53: Interlude 15
Chapter Text
Slowly, the small, gray slug drained out of the younger boy’s ear and into the hand of the older, glistening with blood and effluvia. There was a moment of quivering stillness, in which a number of expressions flickered, unseen, across the older boy’s face. Then he lifted the hand to his own ear, grimacing at the sharp pain, the dull pressure, the long moment of unpleasantness before the passenger soothed the sensations away.
‹Sorry,› whispered a voice.
The boy didn’t answer in words—didn’t have to, since the passenger could follow his every thought.
‹He’s definitely still in there. Dreaming, mostly. Didn’t seem like he was in pain. But I couldn’t get through. Most of the—access ports?—are still blocked.›
The boy continued to sit in silence, trying on various emotions, looking for one that fit. His hand—the one that had held the slug—reached out absentmindedly for a paper towel. The other, trembling slightly, held a folded letter, sealed shut with a band-aid.
‹Do you want me to try with Rachel?›
The boy shook his head. It had been a long shot to begin with, and given that it hadn’t worked—
He didn’t put the thought in words, but the passenger heard it anyway, and agreed.
It wouldn’t be right.
The passenger had been made for the older boy—was almost a part of him, now, an extension of his will, the match between them intimate and exact. It had been one thing, to break that bond for a moment and enter the younger boy—who loved and was loved by the older, as warm and familiar as brothers could be. It had been a small trespass, in spirit unimpeachable.
But the girl was stranger. Not a stranger, but more strange—of a type more distant, more alien. She was less known, and it was not for the boy and his passenger to change that, uninvited—to peek in places private, to touch without permission. It would have been gross, inappropriate, however well-intentioned—an embrace both unwanted and unasked-for.
So they set aside the option and instead simply sat for a time, their thoughts moving in lazy circles as the machines around them whirred and buzzed and beeped. It might have been minutes, or hours—they might even have lingered for days, if not for the mundane needs of the older boy’s body.
But eventually, they could sit no longer. And since the boy could do no more good there, and believed he had a chance to do good elsewhere, they could stay no longer, either. It wasn’t a decision so much as an acknowledgement of something that was already true, that had been true all along—and along with the acknowledgement, an inevitable imperative to action.
So they stood, and the older boy touched the younger’s hand, and then his face, and then left the letter in an open corner of the table by the bed, far enough away from the remains of his lunch that the nurses would not mistake it for trash. And then it was out into the wide, bright hallway, and down the clean and friendly stairs, and out the doors onto Hatanpään puistokuja, where the sky was thick and heavy with September rain.
It was cold, as they walked toward the bus that would take them to the train that would take them to the airport that would take them to Kalamata. But the boy left his hood unraised and his coat unzipped, letting the tiny, scattered droplets prickle his face, his neck, his ears. It was a gift to the passenger, who had no choice but to follow in what would come next—who would have chosen, if asked, but who had not been asked, and to whom the boy therefore felt he owed some small apology.
‹It’s okay,› the passenger whispered. ‹Really. It really is.›
But the boy left his coat open anyway.
Chapter 54: Chapter 38: Rachel
Notes:
A few author's notes:
1. This chapter is quite long (a holiday bonus). As a result, I'm adding a week to my update schedule; I expect to post the next chapter three weeks from now, sometime between Jan 10 and Jan 12. My buffer has shrunk a little bit, due to a housing search taking up a lot of time, but I still don't anticipate a hiatus for at least a few more chapters, and it's possible that I'll just keep doing regular updates, but 3 weeks apart instead of 2 once I run out of already-written stuff.
2. reddit user u/paxona did a wonderful job helping me clean up the Portuguese in the recent Tobias chapter. Taking that as my cue, I put a lot of Finnish (both language and culture) in this chapter. I did my homework, and did my best, but I've never been to Finland, so if somebody wants to help me fix inaccuracies, I'm grateful for your help. EDIT: Two people helped me fix it!
3. There's exactly one review of this story on Goodreads that's longer than a sentence! It comes from user Mark and features many memorable sentences like "the author uses this as a vehicle to mine others' notstalgia for their own self-indulgence and misses what made the originals so appealing" and "themes of loss, dehumanization, and the morality of war aren't really carried over" and "the other changes are just fine, I guess, but don't really serve any purpose in my opinion...at best, they make the main characters somewhat one-dimensional" and lots of other interesting claims. If anybody wants to, uh, teach the controversy by adding their own review, that would be Neato Burrito.
(As always, I also heart, star, and horseshoe comments left here and discussion over on r/rational, especially in-depth critique or reaction or theorizing about what comes next.)
See you all in the roaring twenties!
Chapter Text
Chapter 38: Rachel
Forcing myself to focus, I began to demorph, straining with all my might to localize the change to just the tiniest patch of my body—the palm of my right hand. At first, nothing happened, and then came the familiar tingle, not just in my palm but across my whole right side—
—it’ll be enough, let it be enough—
—and then—
—like a chorus of angels—
‹Garrett. Hello? Did we make it? Over.›
‹Rachel, are we in? Over.›
‹Yes,› I thought wearily, feeling the tiniest tickle as the pair of bugs launched themselves away from my palm, where they had emerged from Z-space. ‹We’re in.›
* * *
Suddenly, I was awake.
Cold.
Dark.
Quiet.
Lying down—
Some instinct kept me still, kept my eyes closed, even as adrenaline hammered at my nerves. I felt my chest heaving and forced myself to slow down, taking a handful of deep, deliberate breaths.
They might be watching.
I didn’t know who they were, had no idea what was going on. But there was a restraint around my waist, and the dull throb of needles in my arm, and even just lying there my body felt weak, my limbs heavy and rubbery.
Drugged?
There had been a battle—
The Yeerk pool, Tidwell and Illim—
Garrett with the explosives, Ax to reverse the shield—
We’d lost contact with Ax, fought our way through to him, taken out the Hork-Bajir troops that had surrounded the control room. Ax had been wounded, had collapsed—we’d made a break for it—
That was all I could remember.
Okay, so we didn’t make it out.
Which meant I’d been picked up by—
Yeerks?
Cops?
Spooks?
It all depended on what had happened after—on who had ultimately taken control of the site. I knew that the pool itself had been destroyed—were there enough Controllers out in the community to cover up the whole thing? What about Jake and Marco and Cassie—
Priorities.
I listened.
The sounds around me were soft, muted—the whir of air conditioning, the hum of electronics, muffled laughter from a television in another room. A pair of rhythmic beeps like heart monitors, one fast and one slow—
Hospital?
There was nothing else—no voices, no footsteps, no sounds of traffic outside.
I cracked one eye open the tiniest bit—just enough to confirm that yes, the room around me was dark.
I tried to shift my leg. It was hard, my muscles straining in protest, almost pulling—but there wasn’t anything stopping me.
I lay still again, counting to three hundred, to see if anyone would show up in response.
All right. So either they’re not watching closely, or they’re messing with me.
Either way, it was time to make a move.
I ran through the available morphs in my head. I could try Tidwell, or the woman I’d acquired a few weeks back, if this was the sort of facility where a random human could bluff their way out. I had both Andalite and Hork-Bajir bodies, as well as a bear and an elephant and a tiger. I had a housefly, and several fast birds—
Housefly.
I focused, and felt—
Felt—
Rising panic. I gave it ten more seconds to be sure—ten seconds in which my heart began to pound again, my breath creeping back toward hyperventilation.
Nothing was happening
Nothing was happening.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Try another morph.
I focused on Tidwell, whose body I’d occupied just an hour or two before, give or take however long I’d been unconscious. It was easy to picture his face in my mind, the way his muscles had felt from the inside—
Nothing.
Okay, don’t freak out, don’t freak out, freaking out will NOT HELP—
It didn’t work. The harder I fought back against the looming fear, the heavier it became, until it seemed like I was using every last scrap of self-control I had just to keep myself motionless in the bed.
They have me. They have me and I can’t morph, I can’t fight, I can’t get away—
But then, just when it seemed like I might crack, like I might just start screaming and never stop, another voice cut in—one that wasn’t pushing back against the fear so much as pulling sideways out from under it.
So what? that other voice said.
So they caught you.
You always knew they would, eventually.
Remember the people in the cages?
The pressure eased slightly, like I’d emerged from the Mariana trench and was now just at the regular bottom of the ocean.
You already won, the voice whispered. The pool is destroyed. It worked. It worked, and you were ready to die for it, if you had to. But here you are, alive. You made it. Everything that happens now is extra credit.
Seconds passed. My breathing slowed once more, my heartrate dropping from a death metal pace back down to mere EDM.
Okay.
Okay.
I felt silly, and a little ashamed—to have ramped up so quickly, come so close to total panic. But whatever—it was over. Time to focus on the present.
Something is wrong with your morphing.
Maybe it had to do with whatever they’d drugged me with?
I felt a spark of hope. If so, it might be temporary—might wear off, with time.
But I decided to give it one last shot, anyway, just to be sure. Taking in a deep breath, I focused once more—
This body will be one of your primary weapons, Elfangor had said. Use it to hide your identity from the Yeerks. It is strong and fast, more than a match for Taxxons and able to defeat all but the most skilled Hork-Bajir.
The Yeerks had my family. They knew exactly who I was. Elfangor’s body wouldn’t help with that.
But strong and fast, I could definitely use.
I strained, concentrating harder than I ever had in my life—
Nothing.
For a moment, the desperate panic threatened to loom over me again. But the memory of the people in the cages closed around me like Iron Man armor.
If they think I can’t hurt them just because I can’t morph—
I opened my eyes.
It was indeed a hospital room, lit by the tiny red and green LEDs of electronics, and the dim blue glow of street lights leaking in past the curtains. There was one other bed opposite mine, with a small, dark-haired figure lying in it.
Garrett?
I couldn’t see clearly, but it was about the right size and shape—was definitely a child, rather than a teenager or a grownup. The heartrate monitor beside it was beeping slowly, well under once per second.
Coma?
I felt my own body go cold.
If that was Garrett—if he was in a coma—
Maybe we’d been injured, during the escape? We could have been unconscious for days, weeks—
I lifted my arm, intending to check my head and torso for scars, bandages—
I paused.
There were wires trailing from my arm—not the IV, not the heartrate monitor clipped to my finger, but thin, light wires ending in little adhesive patches. There was one attached to the middle of my forearm, and one to the lump of muscle just below my elbow—two others on my bicep and my tricep—
I felt around under the blanket. There were more of them attached to my abdomen, my sides, my thighs—thirty or forty in all, all over my body.
I grabbed one of them, began to slide my fingers along it, tracing it back to a bulky, rectangular machine standing sentry beside my bed—
Lihasstimulaatori?
I couldn’t make out any of the other words, in the darkness. The machine was clearly switched off, its screens unlit. The bundle of wires fed into it on one side, and a thick power cable emerged from the other, leading down to a set of outlets along the floor—
I frowned. It was hard to be sure, but the outlets looked different—weren’t the usual two-lines-and-a-half-moon-face that I was used to. Each spot was its own circular depression, with two tiny round holes spaced about an inch apart, and there was a large, old-fashioned switch at the end—
I wasn’t in America.
Correction, said Marco’s voice in my head. Your best guess is that you’re not in America.
I looked up at the TV hanging in the corner.
Later. Priorities.
First things first—I needed to get mobile. The wires running to the powered-off machine could probably be removed without alerting anyone, but the IV and the heart monitor were live and beeping.
That’s got to be set up to send an alert to the nurse, or something, right? I mean, if a coma patient’s heartrate drops to zero…
Maybe if the whole machine were off?
I looked around the room again.
No choice.
I had to move, and I couldn’t do that if I was stuck within three feet of the bed. Killing the heart monitor would either be a problem, or it wouldn’t, and waiting wasn’t going to make it any less of a problem.
I peeled off the other wires first, groaning with the effort as I sat up and undid the restraint around my waist, making sure to keep my movements slow and steady so that my own heartbeat didn’t jump up too quickly. My arms felt like they were made of lead, and my abs burned just from the effort of keeping my torso upright.
Once they were all off, I rolled over and planted my feet on the cold linoleum floor. Kneeling, I followed the power cables from the back of the beeping machines to another set of outlets—
Here goes nothing.
I pulled the plugs, and both the IV and the heartrate monitor went dark.
Moving as quickly as my heavy limbs would allow, I unclipped the monitor from my finger and tugged the IV out of my arm. Straightening, I grabbed an empty food tray from a rolling table between the two beds and shuffled over to lean against the wall beside the door.
Fourteen hippopotamus, fifteen hippopotamus, sixteen hippopotamus…
It was all I could do to keep the plastic rectangle held high above my head, ready to strike. If anything more violent than Cassie came in through the door, I was toast.
Twenty-six hippopotamus, twenty-seven hippopotamus, twenty-eight hippopotamus…
I made it to a hundred and three before I absolutely could not keep my arms up any longer. Trembling—almost shuddering—I lowered the tray.
One-oh-nine hippopotamus, one-ten hippopotamus…
At one-eighty, I finally let myself relax, my muscles spasming as I half-slid, half-collapsed down onto the floor. The door had no visible lock, but with a little bit of effort, I managed to wedge the tray into the tiny crack by the floor. It wouldn’t stop anybody who really wanted to get in, but it might buy me a few seconds in a pinch.
All right. You’re awake, you’re mobile, there’s no one coming. Now what?
The kid.
Hauling myself to my feet, I staggered over to the other bed.
It was Garrett.
It looks like Garrett, whispered Marco. Remember, Garrett doesn’t have earplugs.
“Hey,” I murmured. “Garrett. Can you hear me?”
There was no response. Under the sheet, his chest continued to rise and fall with disturbing slowness.
I tapped his cheek, gently.
Nothing.
“Sorry in advance,” I whispered, and I drew back my hand.
Smack.
The boy didn’t move.
All right. Think.
If they left me and Garrett in the same room—
Possibility One was that they were just friendly. No need to keep the two of us apart, since we were all on the same team to begin with.
Possibility Two…
Was there any reason for the Yeerks to play mind games with me?
Leaning on the bed, I tried to force my mind into motion. In the hypothetical world where Garrett was already a Controller—
Unless it’s not the Yeerks. Could be the government.
My inner Marco scoffed at the idea that the government would go to this much trouble and not post a guard inside the room.
Actually, now that I thought about it, that probably applied to the Yeerks, too.
Only good guys are this sloppy.
But if that was the case, there should at least be a note or something—
Oh.
Working my way around the bed, I picked up the folded sheet of paper on the table next to Garrett’s head and held it up in the dim light leaking through the blinds.
Garrett,
Sorry I couldn’t be there when you woke up. There’s a lot going on, and there’s something I’ve got to do down where it’s pretty.
Koskinen will fill you in if Rachel isn’t awake yet. Think of him like Miss Harper.
If I’m not back by 10/10, go to Nordea on Hämeenkatu. There’s a safety deposit box there under your name. The password owes me a dollar.
Two, one, zero, and so forth. —yBB
I put the paper down, my thoughts swirling.
The letter was from Tobias, clearly—either that, or it was faked to seem like it had come from Tobias. And there was no mention of Jake, Cassie, Marco, or Ax…
Also, October tenth? Either he was expecting us to wait around for a long time, or I really had been unconscious for months.
I hobbled over to the window and peered out.
Autumn.
It was autumn.
I ran my hands over my own body again, looking for any sign of a serious injury—stitches, scarring, metal plates.
Nothing.
Then how can it be autumn?
The realization hit me all at once—actually hit me, so hard I found myself sinking to the floor, my muscles screaming in protest.
Jake.
Like when Jake had gone down into the tunnel, and died, and come alive again inside of his morph armor—
Something must have happened. Something must have gone wrong, and I’d been injured, and had to reset—Garrett, too—
But the Chee woke Jake up. Why wouldn’t they—
In my head, Marco rolled his eyes, his expression a mixture of exasperation and pity.
The Chee aren’t on our side anymore.
I took in a handful of deep, slow breaths. That—
That was just a guess, and not even necessarily a very likely one.
But at the very least, something had kept Tobias from bringing in the Chee to help us. Had caused him to leave me—to leave Garrett—alone in a hospital in—
—somewhere—
—without anyone there in case we eventually woke up. While he went off to do something important, something that couldn’t wait.
And the letter hadn’t said anything about Jake, or Cassie, or Marco, or Ax.
The fear was back—not a looming, overwhelming panic this time, but a tight, cold tension, like electricity. I needed to get out of this room—not for my own sake, but because things were happening and as long as I was in this room there wasn’t anything that I could do about them—
* * *
"Onko sulla mukava olla?"
I lifted my head from where it had been pressed up against the car window and looked over at the eyes in the rear-view mirror. They weren’t looking back at me—had already returned to focus on the road if they’d ever even pointed at me in the first place.
“On, joo,” I answered, letting the mind of the body I was wearing handle the translation.
Are you comfortable?
I’m fine.
They were the first words we had exchanged in nearly an hour of driving. It was just the two of us in the tiny car, him in the driver’s seat and me in the back. The sky was gray and cold, the road narrow as it curved gently back and forth through farms and fields and endless pine forests.
The whole thing was weirdly familiar, like I’d done it a hundred times before—like the long, quiet drive between my uncle’s and my grandmother’s every Thanksgiving.
But I was about nine thousand miles from Ventura, and the sense of normalcy was just an illusion.
Part of it might have been the morph I was in, the girl’s intuitions and expectations leaking through along with her understanding of the language. Her name was Aino Sakala, and she’d lived her entire life right here, except for a school trip to Estonia when she was nine.
But another part of it was that it was normal, in a sense—normal in a way that no longer fit me, since Elfangor showed up. Trees. Highways. Clouds. Minutes crawling by, with nowhere important to go and nothing important to do.
I twisted around in the seat, looking back at the empty road behind us.
“Ei enää kauan,” came the driver’s voice behind me. “Alle tunti.”
I turned my head to look, but he was once again—or still—staring straight forward, his eyes focused on the road ahead.
Not much longer. Less than an hour.
I hadn’t managed to make it out of the hospital. Hadn’t even made it off of the floor, between my atrophied muscles and my inability to morph. The nurses had caught me almost immediately, and politely held me, until “lääkäri Koskinen” could be roused and brought in.
Hello, Rachel, the man had said, his English clear and crisp behind a faint accent. My name is Rand Koskinen. I am a doctor here at Hatanpää City Hospital. May we speak in private?
And then, once he’d closed the door behind us, he’d transformed into an elk.
I turned to face forward again, resettling in my seat, watching his eyes in the rear-view mirror. Five minutes might have passed before his gaze flickered, meeting mine for the briefest of moments before returning to the road.
I understand that you’re dealing with some disorientation, he had said. If you’d like, I would be happy to explain the situation.
And he had. Ventura. Washington. Marco’s broadcast. The bombing of the peace conference, and the subsequent nuclear disarmament. The destruction of the voluntary pool in Brazil, followed by the mass withdrawal of Yeerk personnel.
The eerie, uneasy silence that had followed.
When the Yeerks pulled out, we expected them to curtail the manufacturing efforts that they had been supervising, but they did not. This made many suspicious.
And there had been no communication since, nor any response to Earth messages. In eight days’ time, an international delegation was set to launch from Geneva, aboard one of the original Bug fighters, for a rendezvous around Europa two days later—a trip that would have taken an ordinary human spaceship three or four years.
And, as I’d halfway guessed—
Your friends tell me there was an encounter with Yeerk forces, in the summer. Apparently several of you were killed, and the survivors used the morphing technology to regenerate the fallen.
Koskinen knew about the morphing technology because Jake and Tobias and Marco had given it to him—him, and four other members of his staff—in exchange for off-the-books medical care for me and Garrett. And according to Koskinen, he wasn’t alone, either—there were apparently upwards of a thousand other morphers, the result of a months-long recruitment effort that I had apparently lived through, maybe even been a part of—
Ah, yes, this reminds me. I am to tell you that they have given the morphing power back to you and Garrett as well. But you will need to begin building your morph library anew. If I may suggest, there is another patient here who bears a strong physical resemblance to you, and whose knowledge of our language and culture you may find useful.
Why? I had asked.
Obviously you are free to go as you please, the doctor had answered. But I am charged with the care of your friend Garrett for as long as he remains unconscious. And this hospital is where your friends will return, if they return at all. I have no special resources, but I have friends and family that I trust, in my home city. It’s not far from here. You may stay with them in the meantime, if you wish.
I had looked down at Garrett, placed my hand on his cheek, watched his chest rise and fall with agonizing slowness.
As much as I’d wanted to say no—
As much as I’d wanted to say screw you and stride off into the sunset—
I was afraid.
Not the overriding panic I’d felt upon waking up, or the frantic urgency that had filled me as I’d made my break for the hospital door. This was a different kind of fear, thick and queasy and somehow slow, like quicksand.
I don’t think that I can handle this.
Not on my own. Not by myself. Not with absolutely nothing and no one.
It was the same fear I’d felt the first time I spent the night away from home, during a week-long stint at summer camp. The same fear I’d felt getting on the bus to visit my father, that first time after my mom kicked him out. Or the time when I was four years old, when I’d wandered outside and, when my mom came looking for me, had somehow managed to circle the house at the exact same speed, turning around at the exact same times, so that no matter how many times I looked for her she wasn’t there, no matter how hard I screamed she was gone, she was never coming back—
It was like that, except this time it was true.
They were dead.
All of them were dead.
My mother, my sisters, my father. My teammates and coaches and teachers—almost everyone I’d ever known, except for Jake and Marco and Tobias.
Even Cassie.
They were dead, and I was alone. Orphaned. Abandoned. Homeless.
And when I thought about walking—
About taking the last, the very last, the absolute last connection that I had left on Earth, and breaking it—
A part of me didn’t even care about the possibility that Koskinen was a Controller, or some kind of government agent, or even just a run-of-the-mill scumbag.
If I lost touch with Garrett—if I missed the chance to reconnect with Jake, with Marco—
I didn’t know if I could make it on my own.
I knew, on some level, that I was being ridiculous. Knew that plenty of fourteen-year-olds end up on the street and survive just fine. Knew that, homeless or not, as long as I had the morphing power, I was one of the most dangerous and capable people on the planet.
But still. I didn’t want that. Didn’t want the—the hardness that I sometimes saw in Tobias, when Garrett wasn’t around—that look, like a bird of prey trapped inside a building. Didn’t want the ocean floor to drop out from under me, leaving me adrift.
And so I’d followed Dr. Koskinen into another room and laid my hands on a strange girl’s arm, acquiring her. Then I’d dressed myself in clothes from the lost and found and followed him down to his car.
It was crazy. It was risky. It was putting myself entirely in the hands of a total stranger.
But the alternative was to face the world—the war—all of it—entirely, utterly alone.
It’s just for a few days, I told myself. Build up some strength, acquire a few morphs, get your bearings. It’s not like they can make you stay—not unless this is a way more serious operation than it looks, and in that case they already have you.
I knew that wasn’t an answer, at all—that it was my brain’s way of dodging the real questions, questions I wasn’t stable enough to handle.
But I was okay with that, for now.
We pulled off the road into a gas station. Without a word, Koskinen got out, set the pump running, and turned and walked into the small convenience store. He emerged a minute and a half later carrying two bottles of orange juice, two packaged sandwiches, and a small, steaming carton of scrambled eggs. Setting them on the passenger seat, he reholstered the pump, then got back into the car.
“Onko nälkä?” he asked. Hungry?
I nodded. “Kiitos,” I replied. A minute later, we were back on the road, Koskinen holding a sandwich in one hand as he drove with the other.
I looked down at the eggs in my lap. “Aion muuttaa muotoani,” I said—I’m going to demorph. No point in eating while I was wearing somebody else’s body.
Koskinen nodded, saying nothing. Putting the food down on the seat next to me, I closed my eyes and focused.
After my brief panic in the hospital room earlier, it was still something of a relief to feel the familiar tingle of the morphing process sweeping over me. Aino was almost exactly the same height, weight, and skin color, and I was morphing inside of my clothes, so there was very little visible change, but—
“—have some kind of distraction?” Garrett said, his voice tight with tension, both of his fists clenched around his shirt collar as he held it up over his nose and mouth.
“What would you call that?” I shot back, as Ax continued to rip his way through the bakery display, shoveling cinnamon buns into his mouth in front of the horrified crowd. “Besides, we’ll be out of here before any big guns show up—”
My arms swelled like marshmallows in a microwave, the skin turning black as the gorilla’s muscles bubbled up out of my thin frame. Thirty feet away, the first of the security guards attempted to tackle Ax to the ground, but the alien dodged like a drunken master, sending the man crashing through a nearby glass display case.
“Rachel—”
“I know, okay? Just give me—” ‹—a second.›
Two more black-uniformed guards came running, one of them dropping almost immediately as Ax whirled, smashing an open four-pack of buns right into his face.
God dammit, of all the things we don’t need to be dealing with right now—
“Rachel! Can you hear me? Perkele—RACHEL!”
I snapped back to my senses all at once, my whole body aching like I’d just tried to pick up an elephant. I was still in the back of Koskinen’s car, but I was down on the floor, wedged into the space between the back seat and the passenger seat. The car was stopped, the engine still running, Koskinen’s door hanging open as he sprinted around the front to my side—
“I—I’m—”
I’m okay, I tried to say, but some honest impulse blocked the words before they could leave my mouth. I had no idea whether I was okay—
Koskinen threw open the door beside me, leaned forward to lift me up onto the seat. “Lie back,” he barked. “Lie still.”
I obeyed, letting him rearrange my limbs, wincing at the twinge and tug of overloaded muscles. “What—what happened?” I managed to gasp.
“Seizure,” the doctor said. “I think. You were convulsing, unresponsive. Can you breathe? Airways clear?”
“I—I think so,” I said. I felt wetness on my lip, reached up a hand—
Blood.
“Lie still,” Koskinen repeated. He held my wrist for a moment, then pressed a hand to my forehead. “Did you feel disorientation before the seizure began? Confusion, spaciness, out-of-body?”
“Wh—no. No, I don’t think so. I was just—focused on demorphing—”
“Any tingling?” he asked. “Dizziness? Strange tastes or smells?”
“No.”
“Tell me your full name and the date.”
“Rachel Ellen Berenson. It’s—I think you said it was October first—”
Koskinen vanished from the doorway, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the trunk open. I could hear him muttering to himself—“Kolmekymmentä, neljäkymmentäviisi sekuntia. Lamotrigiini, topiramaatti, valproiinihappo—”
I pushed myself up to a sitting position, glanced at my reflection in the rear-view mirror. It was me—I was back in my own body, my hair a tangled halo, blood running down my chin from a nosebleed. Somehow, I had finished demorphing, even while I was—
What was that?
A dream? A memory? A vision?
It was still crystal clear in my mind, as clear as if I had actually just lived it, moments before. I remembered the look of pale horror on Garrett’s face—the ragged, unhinged quality of Ax’s human voice—the feel of my own anger as I drew the gorilla’s strength around me like a blanket—
“Drink this,” Koskinen said brusquely, coming back around to my door.
“What is—”
“Water. I don’t have anything else. The episode lasted for under a minute, so emergency treatment is not indicated—do you have a history of seizures?”
“No. I’ve never had one before.”
“Any chronic illnesses at all?”
“No.”
“Allergies?”
“No.”
“How do you feel now?”
I closed my eyes, running my attention over my body the way my coaches had taught me. “Fine, I think? My muscles ache.”
“Can you tell me, please, what is thirty-seven multiplied by upholstery?”
I blinked. “No,” I said slowly. “That doesn’t make sense. Was that a test?”
The doctor nodded, expressionless. He peered at me for a long moment, and then shrugged. “Onward,” he said, pushing the door closed and walking back around to the driver’s side.
But—but—
But what? What do you want him to do, take you back to the hospital?
I—maybe?
I collapsed back against the seat, my eyes half-following the pine trees as we pulled back into the road and began to pick up speed.
I guess it just feels like we’re supposed to DO something? Not just shrug and say “well, that was weird.”
Yeah, but—what?
I didn’t know.
What the hell had just happened?
* * *
" Kuule, arvostan tätä todella, etenki näin lyhyellä varotusajalla. Asumistilanteen selviämiseen pitäis mennä korkeintaan viikko tai kaks—"
" Rauhoitu, Rand, rauhoitu—me ollaan perhettä ja nää on vaikeita aikoja. Jos me ei voitais luottaa toisiimme. .."
The woman—Sofia, if I’d heard her correctly—leaned in and gave Dr. Koskinen a quick hug, then turned to me, leaving a hand on his shoulder.
“Rachel,” she said, her voice warm, her accent thick and clipped and sort of robotic. “Welcome. Rand tells me you speak only English in your—normal body?”
I opened my mouth, slightly taken aback and not sure I had any right to be. I hadn’t remorphed after the seizure—
“Of course I told her,” Koskinen cut in. “She is my sister, and she is taking you into her home.”
The woman smiled. “Your secret is safe, soturitar. Would you like to be called Rachel, or something else? It is a Finnish name too.”
“Rachel is fine,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Please. Come inside. And Rand—ala vetää!”
I followed her across the threshold, only realizing that Koskinen wasn’t with us as the door clicked shut behind me.
Sofia was already striding forward through a wide, open, low-ceilinged lobby, lit by bright fluorescents and held up by squat, concrete columns. The place looked shabby, but clean—no grime or graffiti, just cracked, faded paint and a few missing floor tiles. There was a wall of mailboxes on one side, and a cork bulletin board on the other, filled with brightly colored flyers.
I jogged a few steps to try to catch up, stopping almost immediately as my muscles went on strike. “Pahoittelut,” Sofia said, when she reached the elevators on the far side and turned to see me lagging behind. “Rand said you were struggling. I will go slower.”
We rode the elevators in silence to the fourth floor, stepping out into a long, narrow apartment hallway.
“Number four-zero-eight,” Sofia said. “I will give you the spare key. Please be careful with it. You will stay in Petra’s old room; she is away at Lund.”
Turning the key in the lock, she swept into the unit, kicking off her shoes. I followed and did the same.
The apartment was nice—compact and extremely clean, with cool light shining in through floor-to-ceiling windows on the far side. I cringed a little at myself for thinking it, but it really did look like one of those IKEA display apartments—the ones where they fit a ton of furniture into a small space without making things feel cramped. There was a living area with a sofa and a couple of chairs and a TV, a dining area with a table and four stools, and a kitchen blocked off from the rest by a long wooden counter.
“That door is Petra’s,” said Sofia, pointing. “The one next to it belongs to Ante. He left for school just before you arrived and will be home a little after fourteen. Your rooms share a bathroom, so lock the door. You are welcome to any of the food in the kitchen; we can go shopping tonight to pick up some things that you like, and get you some clothes. That door over there is mine, and that one is the sauna. For now, please stay within the apartment. I will have Ante show you around the lähiö later.”
“Wait,” I cut in. “You’re leaving?”
“Yes, I have work. Is there anything you need before I go?”
I could feel my jaw hanging open. Everything was happening so quickly, for all that I’d spent two hours in the car and was apparently about to spend another four or five alone in the apartment. It felt like Sofia had said barely a hundred words, and now she was just going to leave me, unsupervised, inside her home—
“I just—um. Is this okay? I mean, you don’t—you don’t know me.”
Sofia tilted her head to one side.
“You are from Ventura, yes?” she asked.
I nodded.
“And Rand tells me, for you it is like yesterday.”
I nodded again, my throat suddenly tight.
“We all saw what happened in Ventura,” she said quietly. “The whole world, you understand? And then after—in Washington, and Japan, and Brazil—”
She broke off. “This is hätä, child. A time of distress. You are young, you are alone, you are American. My brother tells me you are a soldier, that we cannot go to the police, or to the ministry. Of course I have questions. Concerns. But—”
She fixed me with a close, intent look. “Are you going to run away?”
I shook my head.
“Are you going to steal from me?”
“No, but—”
“Are you a danger to my son?”
I closed my mouth, shook my head again.
Sofia shrugged. “Then it is simple,” she said. “Trust, over fear. Later, I will ask you many, many questions, but for now—”
She smiled softly. “Sisu,” she said. “For now, it is good for you to be alone. No eyes, no expectations. Take some time, catch your breath. Eat. Sleep. Cry. Be naked. For now, nothing is your responsibility, okay?”
And just like that, she was gone. I heard the sliding of the lock as she turned the key, and then there was silence.
My mother would never.
I clamped down on the thought, and the pain that came with it, even as my brain offered up Cassie’s parents would have, though, along with another wave of grief.
For now, nothing is your responsibility.
I took a deep, deep breath.
Held it. Let it out.
It wasn’t enough. I let myself sink down to the floor—first sitting, then lying flat out, the plush rug beneath me almost as soft as a mattress.
For now, nothing is your responsibility.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
That was what she had said. Sofia. A grownup. A mother, all the way out here in—
I couldn’t pronounce it.
But she’d meant it—I could tell. Had put the full force of her authority behind it. Had really wanted me to hear it, to believe it—was sure that she was right.
For now, nothing is your responsibility.
It was what my own mother would have said, too. My own mother, who had been dead for months, however much it felt like I had seen her just last week—
You mean, when you gave her up to the Yeerks?
The words dropped into my thoughts like a boulder, scattering everything else, leaving behind a horrible, echoing silence. I rolled over onto my belly, pressed my face into the rug, my breath hot and humid and close.
That’s not fair, I whispered to myself.
Cold, bitter laughter.
Louder, more confidently—that’s not FAIR.
Oh, really? Then explain to me how—
NO.
The word was loud and unyielding, triggering a second long silence. I felt my fists clench, felt the strain of muscles that hadn’t been used in weeks.
When my thoughts began to flow again, they were in Marco’s voice, instead of my own.
You do not get to beat yourself up for that. You had about zero point three seconds to pick between saving your family or keeping the box out of Visser Three’s hands—
I could have destroyed it, whispered a tiny, traitorous voice. Destroyed it, and gone to save them.
Yeah, well. If you’d done THAT, we’d ALL be dead now, and the war would be over.
It took almost everything I had in me to stop myself from thinking the word good.
I rolled over onto my back, opening my eyes, looking up at the stubbled ceiling.
What are you doing here, Rachel? I asked myself, as other voices carried on the argument in the background. What is this going to accomplish?
Nothing. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t fix it, I had no idea what to do next. I was alone, and weak, and I had no morphs and no information—
Then LET IT GO.
I took another deep breath.
Just let it go. Let it go for one damn day. You can pick it back up tomorrow.
I let gravity empty my lungs, my ribcage sagging without any help from my muscles.
Only—
I hesitated, almost too afraid to let myself think the thought.
Would I?
Would I, in fact, pick it back up again? If I let it go now?
We had been planning to rescue them—my mom, my sisters, Cassie’s parents, Jake’s family. Had planned the raid for a time when none of them would be at the pool. I’d told myself that it was coming, that I just had to hold it together a little longer and then everything would be back to normal, just hang in there, we’re coming for you—
What was there to fight for, now?
I knew the thought was wrong, knew that the rest of the world still mattered—that it still mattered to me—knew that I was being selfish, childish, self-centered.
It didn’t matter. It still felt true. Right then, it felt true.
How about this, then? argued the voice of Marco in my head. You’ve ALREADY let it go, and now you’re just pretending that you haven’t and beating yourself up for it, like you can make up for it if you feel bad enough. Which you can’t, so you’re not doing any good AND you’re also not getting any rest, which is dumbfuck stupid.
There was a kind of silence, even inside my own head.
I sat up.
What is it your kind’s always saying? ‘Don’t think about it’?
I looked down at my hands, trembling slightly with fatigue.
Okay.
Fine.
Fair enough.
For now, nothing was my responsibility.
Say it, whispered my inner Marco. Say it out loud.
“I’m not supposed to do anything about anything.”
The words didn’t echo. They weren’t dramatic. They were flat, quick, mundane. As soon as I stopped speaking, the silence came right back.
But something had shifted. I felt—emptier, somehow. Hollowed-out. Deflated. Like I could just be tired and that was it, there didn’t have to be anything else after that.
I pushed myself up to my feet. There was pain, in the background, but it didn’t really matter.
I looked over at the kitchen, tried to imagine eating, felt only a sort of gray indifference.
Slowly, shuffling, I walked over to the door to Petra’s room and pulled it open. It was clean and spare—just a couple of paintings on the wall, a few keepsakes on the bedside table, a stuffed animal sitting on the chair in the corner. There was a desk with a small bookshelf, and a bed that looked extremely inviting.
There were two more doors inside the room. One was clearly a closet. I tried the other.
It was locked.
Your rooms share a bathroom—
The brother—Ante—must have left the bathroom locked from his side.
Stepping back out into the apartment, I opened the door to Ante’s room and—
—
—
—
It took what felt like an eternity to even process what I was seeing, at which point my brain just completely gave up on the idea of producing a coherent response.
There were at least twelve different pictures of Marco scattered across the walls of the tiny room. A dozen different copies of Marco’s face, staring back at me from a dozen different posters, each accompanied by a caption like Welcome to the Resistance or There’s no going back or This is your moment or Change is coming. There were shots of Marco grinning, Marco staring intently straight into the camera, Marco with a dangerous, focused look on his face like a jaguar tracking its prey. In one image, his head had been photoshopped onto the body of some futuristic supersoldier from Starship Troopers or Edge of Tomorrow or something, surrounded by wreckage and carrying a gun that looked like it could kill a spaceship. In another, somebody had taken five or six snapshots out of a crossfade between Marco and a charging bull, and edited them together into a crude representation of morphing.
In between and around the Marcos were a hundred other pictures, posters, and flyers, in a wild mix of English and Finnish and a handful of other languages. There were newspaper clippings, screenshots of Google and Reddit, blueprints and diagrams and maps. Pictures of fighter jets, rows of uniformed soldiers, high-tech assembly lines. Cheesy images of laser beams blowing up UFOs, 1950’s-style propaganda cartoons of kids pouring salt on slugs. Down near the bottom was what looked like a satellite photo of the crater where Ventura used to be, with the hashtags #äläkoskaanunohda and #ihmiskuntayhdistyi.
What the—HOW the—
And then it clicked.
Koskinen had told me about the broadcast, after all—that it had gone viral, that “Animorphs” had become a household name. I just hadn’t realized—
This is everywhere.
If this was here, in the bedroom of a random teenager in a random suburb in Finland, of all places, then—
The war really had gone worldwide. It was one thing to hear Koskinen say it, in a handful of clipped, terse sentences. It was another thing to see Marco Levy being given the Batman treatment.
Still half-stunned, I stepped into the room, nudging aside some crumpled laundry. The place was messy and cluttered, the bed unmade. There were bits of wire and metal all over the desk, mixed in with tools and scraps of electronics and various half-finished gizmos. On the bedside table was a folding knife, a magnesium firestarter, and a small cardboard box with SAKO printed on the side, half-full of rifle ammunition.
I spotted a picture frame on the corner of the desk, behind a jumbled stack of papers and textbooks, and leaned in closer to see what must have been the whole family. There was a younger-looking Sofia, a man with weathered skin and a bright, crinkled smile, a girl about my age, and a young boy with dark hair and a serious face.
Ante.
A memory unfolded in my mind—from my first visit to the Yeerk pool, in the chaos after Jake and Marco had escaped—
“You can beat them!” the woman yelled. “If you try hard enough, you can take back control! Not for long, but if enough of us do it, there’s no way they can keep it a secret!”
It seemed very real, standing there in the middle of Ante’s bedroom, surrounded by resistance propaganda. Very real, and very close, as if there was some magical bridge between the two places, and the woman might step out at any moment, leaving Ante huddled in the back of a cage—
Steady.
I swayed, and gripped the desk with both hands. I felt dizzy, disoriented, strangely loose, like a knot on the verge of unraveling—
Did you feel disorientation before the seizure began? Confusion, spaciness, out-of-body?
No.
I sat down on the corner of the unmade bed.
It was crazy.
This was crazy.
I had been in the middle of a war zone—literally right in the middle of a firefight, that had been like five hours ago as far as my brain was concerned, and then I had woken up halfway around the globe and now I was here, and the war was here too, it had followed me, if I could drop out of it in a heartbeat like that then who was to say I couldn’t be dropped back in—
I could feel my breathing creeping up again, feel the clinical part of my mind running through a set of flash cards—asthma, panic attack, PTSD, seizure. I took a dozen deep, slow breaths, looked around the room for as many objects as I could name.
Marco, bookshelf, Marco, soldering iron, Marco, underwear, Marco, Marco, Marco—
I closed my eyes.
It’s just some dumb kid’s bedroom.
Only it wasn’t. It wasn’t just that.
There is nothing standing in their way except us—did you get that? Just the five of us. If we don’t make it, if we screw it up, then the human race will actually lose.
Marco had said that—the real Marco, not the copy in my head. All the way back at the very beginning, during our first meeting, before we’d even elected Jake as our leader. It was the first thing I’d ever remembered him saying—the first time I’d ever really noticed him as anything other than the smartass short kid that liked to hang out with my cousin.
He’d been yelling at me, when he said those things. Because I’d been reckless. Stupid. Because we couldn’t afford mistakes, back then, when the five of us were one hundred percent of Earth’s defensive forces.
I opened my eyes again.
All right, fine. What about now?
It wasn’t a meaningful question. Just some part of my brain, trying to pull it all back together, trying to make it all make sense.
What are you doing here, Rachel?
“Nothing,” I said, out loud.
And it was true.
For now, nothing is your responsibility.
I grabbed onto the thought like a life preserver, shutting out everything else. Standing, I stepped through the bathroom and unlocked the door on the far side, then backed out into the main apartment, closing Ante’s door firmly behind me.
For now, nothing is your responsibility.
I repeated the words as I showered, as I toweled off, as I set my borrowed clothes on Petra’s chair and buried myself in her bed. I kept repeating them, my eyes shut tight against the outside world—but I couldn’t quite stop some self-aware part of me from observing that if I had to say them so deliberately, there must be something else that I was using them to drown out.
Fortunately, there was an obvious remedy for that.
* * *
“Rachel.”
My eyes snapped open.
“Rachel—will you be going to school with Ante?”
I sat upright in the bed, my muscles complaining like I’d spent the whole previous day drilling routines on the spring floor. Sofia was standing in the open doorway, and judging by the light behind her, it was morning.
I had slept all the way through the night.
Focus. School?
I scrubbed at my eyes. “Um,” I said. “I don’t know. Should I?”
There was a long silence.
“Yes,” said Sofia. She pointed. “I picked up some clothes for you. Breakfast in the kitchen in ten minutes.”
And with that, she left, pulling the door closed behind her.
School.
The last time I had been at school—
I lunged forward before the boy-puppet could dodge, whipping my tail through the air with rattlesnake speed. I cut off one arm, then the other, the puppet’s blood spurting wildly as I aimed my third strike at its legs—
I shoved the memory aside, along with the next four thoughts that followed it, until my mind was something resembling empty and clear.
So. School.
Sofia thought I should go to school.
Of course she does. She’s a mom, you’re a teenager.
Of course, I didn’t have to be a teenager…
Whoa. Slow down.
I counted to ten and started over.
What are you going to do today?
Options: stay in the apartment all day, wander around town as a teenager, go to school, go rogue.
Out of that list, going to school didn’t sound too bad. It would be a way for me to get my bearings, at least, given that right now I didn’t even know what city I was in. And school would give me opportunities to pick up a few new human morphs without running into any truant officers—
Does Finland even have truant officers?
Does Finland even have truancy laws?
I didn’t know, which was another point in favor of going, at least for a day.
There were some benefits to just sticking around the apartment, too, but they came along with a lot of time to just sit and think, alone with myself, which—if yesterday’s panics were anything to go by—was not necessarily a healthy thing for me at the moment. And the thought of going fully rogue was still too terrifying to seriously consider.
Okay, so school.
School.
I stood, stretched, and was halfway through dressing when it occurred to me that I didn’t speak Finnish.
So go in mor—
Oh. Right.
I glanced at the clock. There were seven minutes left of the ten Sophia had given me. Three minutes to morph and demorph, ninety more seconds to remorph after that, if it all went well—
I had a little over a minute to think it over.
As it turned out, I only needed about ten seconds.
If the seizure thing is going to happen again—if there’s a problem with you, or with morphing in general, or with morphing into that person in particular—you’re going to need to know that anyway, so why wait?
Actually, there were at least a few good reasons to wait, two of which occurred to me immediately—
No.
I had slept a whole day away. A part of me needed to not-wait the same way I needed water or food. I finished pulling on my shirt, closed my eyes, and focused.
The familiar tingle began at the small of my back this time, spreading and trickling across my skin, seeming to move with agonizing slowness, though I was pretty sure that was more about watched pots than anything else.
Forty-five hippopotamus, forty-six hippopotamus, forty-seven hippopotamus…
As I passed the halfway mark, I felt the tension slowly leak out of my shoulders. Forty seconds later, I opened my eyes to see the face of my Finnish doppelgänger in the mirror over the desk.
I let out a sigh. So far, so good.
Closing my eyes again, I refocused on my own body, wishing as I did that I could morph away the soreness, the lingering weakness—
Maybe do something about that bed-head, while I’m at it?
I counted in my head as the morph proceeded. I was exactly forty-one hippopotamuses in when—
It was maybe midnight by the time the moon rose, backlighting the dust that filled the sky over northern New Mexico, and we settled by silent, mutual agreement on top of a shattered sandstone mesa in the middle of the wide, cold nothingness.
No one spoke as we demorphed, our bodies rising shivering from the uneven rock. There was a kind of supernatural seriousness in the air—a ritual silence, dark and heavy, the sort of thing I’d imagine feeling at Stonehenge or the pyramids or those sacred catacombs in India. Words just—didn’t fit. Weren’t appropriate.
There was a soft crunch as something invisible landed at the edge of the pillar, and suddenly the air around us grew warm as Erek dropped his holographic camouflage and expanded his force field to include us all. I looked at Jake, who looked at Marco, who looked at Garrett—who for once kept his eyes up and looked back—and slowly we mingled and drifted, acquiring one another, dipping in and out of the strange alien trance as the technology did its work—
OUCH.
The transition was instantaneous, as if I’d been teleported straight from New Mexico to Finland. My hand flew to my forehead, where there was already a lump the size of a strawberry, blood trickling down my cheek to join the flow from my nose. I had fallen off of the bed—must have slammed my head on the desk on the way down, or on the hard wooden leg while on the floor—
Okay. Okay, think.
I was two-for-two on the whatever-it-was, memory or hallucination or what—
Think FASTER.
Right. Okay.
Assume it happens whenever I demorph.
Unless it’s something about Aino’s body in particular—
Irrelevant, since if I was going to morph again right now it was going to be into Aino’s body anyway—
Negative side-effects: spasm/seizure, muscle cramps, bloody nose—
How about risk of losing an eye? Or of making enough noise that people came running?
Any lasting damage?
I closed my eyes and checked over my body, just as I had done in the car the day before. I felt drained again—my muscles must have been clenching and cramping during the seizure—but nothing felt broken except for my head.
Which meant I could walk out of the room in three minutes as Rachel—
—with a bloody nose and a giant lump on your forehead—
—or I could go out there as Aino and have another seizure in two hours.
Heads I win, tails you lose—
* * *
“Terve, Rachel,” said Sofia, as I emerged from the bedroom.
“Kiitos, Sofia,” I replied. “Samoin.”
The boy at the table—recognizable from the photo, but four or five years older, and with longer, messier hair—lifted his head. “Moro,” he mumbled.
Sofia crumpled up a paper towel and threw it at him. He batted it aside, rolled his eyes, and spoke again with a tinge of sing-song mockery. “Tervetuloa, Rachel.”
“Parempi,” Sofia said, her eyes twinkling. She pointed, and I slid into the seat across from the boy just as she set down two bowls of some kind of porridge, followed by a pair of open-faced sandwiches on rye bread.
I was half-expecting some kind of interrogation, or at least the usual get-to-know-you small talk, but Ante dug into his porridge without a word. In the kitchen, Sofia continued to bustle around in near-silence, making coffee.
Not big talkers, then.
That was fine by me—picking up my spoon, I turned my attention inward, mulling over the new vision-memory I’d acquired during the seizure.
It seemed that whatever-it-was wasn’t just a scene that I had watched—it was more like a complete memory that I had recovered, somehow. Like I had forgotten it, and then remembered it again. I couldn’t bring up anything before or after, but I could delve into the narrow slice that I’d seen, and draw out new detail that hadn’t been a part of the brief hallucination. I was sure, for instance, that—real or not—the scene took place a day and a half after we’d invaded the pool, while we were on our way to Washington, D.C. I was also sure that Jake’s brother Tom and Marco’s father Peter were both there, and that Tobias wasn’t.
And—
—this part was less sure; it felt true but who knows what was really going on—
—both of the visions had taken place inside my own body. Like, not just from a random first-person perspective, but inside my body—the body of Rachel Berenson. By this point, I knew what it felt like to wear someone else’s skin and bones, and both visions had carried that quiet but unmistakable note of familiarity and comfort.
Which meant that, if they were real—
If, I reassured my inner Marco, who was spluttering. If.
If they were real, then—
The most straightforward explanation was that I was somehow recovering memories from the previous Rachel—memories that the earlier version of me had lived, but that hadn’t been transferred during my resurrection. Events that had taken place after this version of me had been acquired.
Which—
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know so hard that I couldn’t even form a question.
But if it happened every time I demorphed—
“Ante,” said Sofia, breaking my reverie.
“Mmm?”
“Näyttäisitkö hänelle paikkoja koulun jälkeen?” she asked. “Kirjaston, markkinat, nuorisokeskuksen...”
It wasn’t that I understood Finnish, while I was wearing Aino’s body. It was more like, Aino understood Finnish, and I understood Aino. The meaning passed perfectly from her dormant mind to my own, without the need for word-to-word translation, and I was able to convert my own thoughts into Finnish sentences via the same channel.
Will you show her around, after school? Sofia had asked. The library, the market, the youth center…
“En tiiä,” Ante replied, and though I could make out the individual sounds if I tried, mostly I just heard I don’t know.
“It’s Friday,” he continued, still speaking in Finnish. “The Territorial Forces are coming by.”
“After, then.”
“I was going to go past the fence with Elias and Juhani.”
“So take her with you,” Sofia countered, a note of impatience creeping into her tone.
Ante turned to give me a look, sizing me up. “Does she even want to go?” he asked.
I felt a tiny spike of indignation. “Hei, mäkin oon paikalla, muistatteko?” I said, my eyes narrowing. I’m right here, you know.
“No niin,” he replied, shrugging. “Do you, though?”
“What’s past the fence?”
He squinted. “What do you mean?”
“What’s out there?”
“Past the fence.”
“Right.”
“What?”
“Enough,” Sofia broke in. “Ante, you will look after her today, understand? She is from Tampere, she doesn’t know her way around. Stay in town or go past the fence, I don’t care, but you take her with you. No reading the Bible like the Devil.”
“Manu has done his job,” Ante intoned. “Manu is dismissed.”
The last two lines meant no loopholes and your wish is my command, more or less, which made me grateful all over again for my decision to remorph Aino, because seizures or no seizures—even if they’d said those words in straight English, I don’t think I would have been able to figure out what they actually meant.
There was silence for the rest of the meal—not awkward or stilted, just the same comfortable silence that had come before. When Ante finished, he stood and brought his dishes over to the sink. I did the same.
“Oh, Rachel,” Sofia said, as Ante vanished back into his bedroom. “Rand called with a prescription.” She held out a hand with a small plastic bottle. “He said to take these for your muscle pain and nosebleeds. And here’s the spare key.”
Right.
“Thanks.”
“We’ll talk more tonight, okay?”
“Okay.”
I pocketed the items as Ante reemerged, wearing a black jacket and a brown knit hat with a small backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Do I need to bring anything?” I asked.
Ante shook his head, then jerked it in a come on sort of gesture and headed for the door. “’Bye, Mom,” he said, his back to the kitchen where Sofia still sat.
I waved awkwardly, ducked into Petra’s room to grab the coat and hat that Sofia had left for me, and followed him out into the hall. He said nothing as we walked, as we waited in the elevator, as we exited the lobby out into the crisp, cold sunlight.
“How far is school?” I asked, breaking the silence. “Are we taking a bus?”
He shook his head. “Walking distance.”
The roads were wide and quiet, with clean sidewalks and large, green lawns glistening with frost in front of every building. The buildings themselves were low and spread out, most shorter than three stories and none taller than six or seven, with leafy trees planted here and there between them. The whole thing felt a little bit like a college campus, or a nice suburb in an uncrowded state—empty and spacious compared to the dense neighborhoods of Ventura.
We passed a playground, another apartment building, another playground, and a small, modest church, all without a word.
“Will I be in your class?” I asked finally.
I knew from Aino’s memories that Finnish schools were divided by age, just like American ones, but I wasn’t sure how old Ante was.
Then again, I wasn’t sure he knew how old I was, either, so maybe he wouldn’t know the answer in any case—
“We’re not in classes,” Ante scoffed, his pace slowing as he threw me a sort of bully-flavored look, half-disgusted and half-disbelieving. “We’re taking part in the Common Endeavor.”
Yhteinen Yritys, he had said, the capital letters audible in his tone along with the unstated duh. I felt my heartrate tick up. Aino had no idea what that meant, and suddenly it occurred to me that I had no idea how long she had been in the hospital—
“Right,” I said. “Obviously. In the city, we were still separated by age, though.”
Ante’s look deepened into suspicion, and a totally automatic part of my brain began planning what it would do after we punched him in the nose and ran away—
“Hei, Ante!”
Ante’s head swiveled around. “Hei,” he called back.
There was another boy jogging up to us from a side street. He was maybe Jake’s height, slender-looking—though it was hard to tell with the bulky coat he was wearing—with longish, shaggy blond hair sticking out from under a bright red hat.
“Juhani, Rachel,” Ante said, gesturing. “Rachel, Juhani.”
“Hei,” Juhani repeated, giving me a small wave.
“Hei,” I said. “How are you?”
The boy’s expression flickered momentarily, the ghost of a frown passing through his mouth, his eyebrows—
“Rachel’s visiting from Tampere,” Ante said, cutting him off. “I’m her guide today.”
I felt another flash of irritation. Turistiopas, he’d said, with a sour twist—tourist guide.
“I’m not a tourist,” I growled, the words popping out of me by sheer reflex.
Hey, um. Why do we care what this random kid thinks?
“No niin,” Ante said, shrugging.
He turned and began walking again. Juhani offered me a brief, sympathetic look and a shrug of his own, and then followed.
We traveled in silence for another five minutes or so, as the apartment buildings gave way to more of a midtown vibe, parks and houses and small, isolated strips of three or four shops in a row. There were other kids on the sidewalk, now, all flowing in the same general direction. One of them joined us and was introduced as Luukas.
As we passed the library, the school came into view, a squat, two-story brick building with a playground and athletic fields on one side and a small parking lot on the other. Even from a distance, I could see decorations filling the windows on the second floor, each classroom distinct from the next as one set of artwork gave way to another.
The trickle of kids was now starting to resemble a flood, and I glanced back and forth between the street and the building, running numbers in my head. Two classrooms wide times maybe ten classrooms long, times two floors, times twenty kids per classroom—
Eight hundred kids?
And from Aino’s memory I knew that the youngest student would be seven and the oldest sixteen, so—
Around eighty kids per year, give or take. Four classrooms per grade.
And you need to know this why? grumbled the part of my brain that was still busy being annoyed.
Be prepared? Know your ground? Take advantage of any information that’s just lying around? We did die last time, you know.
If there were eight hundred kids, that meant there were—what—three or four thousand people in the whole lähiö, maybe? Five thousand, if most families didn’t have very many kids?
I thought back to some of the buildings we had passed. One bank, one dentist, one grocery store. And the streets we had been walking ended in two directions—the school at the end of the road we were currently on, and the library at the end of the road we’d just turned off of.
So unless there were two schools, two mirrored neighborhoods—
The whole lähiö couldn’t be more than maybe a square mile, maybe a little less, with what looked like dense forest on at least two sides.
Which meant it wouldn’t be that hard to disappear, in a pinch.
I glanced at Ante as we approached the double doors of the main entrance. He had said something about wanting to go past the fence, which now sounded like it might have meant outside the lähiö—
A calm, detached part of me noted that the rest of me was running on yellow alert—tense, attentive, as if something might go down at any second.
Nerves? Habit? Or something else?
What’s the matter, boy? Did you see something?
I tried to mentally backtrack as we squeezed through the double doors, see if I could figure out what had put me on edge. The crush closed around me, sweeping me down the hallway, the flow of students all moving in one direction. For a moment, I thought about asking Ante where we were going, what I should do, but my inner toddler vetoed.
Little snot could have explained everything by now if he’d wanted to.
We rounded a corner into what looked like the main hallway of the school, lined with lockers and alternating doors. The crowd stretched ahead of us all the way to the end, where it turned and vanished through a side door.
“Take off your hat,” Ante hissed.
I blinked, realizing that all of the other heads around me were bare. I reached up, pulling my own hat off—
That’s it. It’s too quiet.
Ante’s voice had been barely louder than a whisper, yet I’d easily been able to hear it. The crowd wasn’t silent—far from it. But it was quiet in a way that would have taken serious threats, if this had been an American school. Most of the students weren’t talking at all, and the few who were were speaking in soft, muted tones, like we were in a restaurant, or a movie theater before the movie had started.
And before that, on the walk to school—
And before that, in Ante’s apartment—
And before that, in the car with Koskinen—
Okay, so—Finnish people are just quieter?
I felt my brain relax a little as the explanation sunk in, felt myself downshifting from yellow alert to mere everyday readiness as we turned through the doors and into the gymnasium.
Hey, uh. Even ‘mere everyday readiness’ might be overkill. This is high school, after all.
The gym was just like any school gym—polished wooden floor, basketball hoops on either end, fold-out bleachers covering the length of the two longer walls. There were doors at the back, presumably leading to locker rooms and storage closets. The kids were sorting themselves into groups via some complicated mechanism I didn’t quite understand; Luukas and Juhani peeled off as Ante grabbed me by my shirtsleeve and pulled me over toward one of the adults.
“Mrs. Virtanen,” he said. “This is my cousin, Rachel Koskinen. She’s visiting for the week.”
The teacher nodded. “Welcome, Rachel,” she said. “Have you checked in at the office?”
My jaw dropped a little, my mouth hanging open—
“My mom called yesterday,” Ante said. “They did all the paperwork then.”
“Ah, good. Just have her travel around with you for today, then. I’ll make sure she’s marked present.”
Ante nodded, and I followed him to a spot in the bleachers. Again, I felt the urge to ask questions, to extract some kind of orienting information out of the boy, and again some stubborn part of me put its foot down.
After all, the stakes are so high.
I looked around at the nearby kids. They were a near-even mix, ranging from tiny seven-year-olds up to my age and a year or two older. Most of them were just sitting quietly, but a few were playing games or chatting or reading books.
Actually—
I looked closer, sweeping my eyes around the bleachers.
Every section had a near-even mix of ages. And there was just a little bit of a gap between each section—kids leaving just a little more space than they were anywhere else, as if the boundaries between the groups was important—
We’re not in classes, Ante had sneered.
Mixed-age groups? As a part of ‘the Common Endeavor,’ whatever that was?
Movement on the gym floor caught my eye, and I turned to see a woman in a gray suit stepping out into the center circle. Almost instantly, all conversation ceased, all eyes turning to point toward her.
“Hyvää päivää, opiskelijat,” the woman said.
Some of the younger children called back in response, and she smiled warmly. “I see you have all found your families. Please, take a moment to check for absences.”
“Yksi.”
“Kaksi.”
“Kolme.”
“Neljä.”
All around me, voices were calling out numbers, one after the other, each section of the bleachers turned inward.
“Where’s Fanni?”
“Sick, her mother called my mother this morning—”
“Viisitoista.”
“Kuusitoista.”
“Seitsemäntoista,” called Ante. “And I have an extra with me—Rachel.”
“Tervetuloa, Rachel,” chorused two dozen voices.
The counting continued for maybe a minute, with children double-checking absences, occasionally assigning someone to follow up where there was no known story. One student stood up from each section of the bleachers and delivered a sheet of paper to one of the teachers on the floor. Eventually, the gym fell silent again.
“Good work,” said the woman in the gray suit. “Now, announcements. Remember that there will only be three full periods today—third, fourth, and fifth. First period, we’re going to stay here in the gym; our guest Mr. Lampi has a bit of a demonstration for you. Second period, you’ll be practicing what you learned from him together with your family. After that, you will be back in age groups, and you will rotate between Engineering, Sustenance, and Classical Education. Don’t forget that on Monday, we will be holding the final judgment for the competition on water capture systems.”
There was a small rustle of what might have been excitement, or maybe apprehension.
“In the meantime, Mr. Lampi has a lot of information to cover, so we’re going to skip the rest of morning announcements and get to work. Sisu, my students.”
“Sisu!” called out eight hundred voices in unison.
I couldn’t help it—I jumped, in my seat, and Ante smirked at me again.
Sisu. The meaning drifted up out of Aino’s mind, refusing to match with any single English word. It meant courage, but also persistence. Endurance, but also action. It conjured up a sense of adversity, of overwhelming odds, a sense of boundaries being broken and obstacles being overcome.
I was surprised. I hadn’t known there was a word like that. But it fit, with what I’d seen so far—of Koskinen and Sofia, and the walls of Ante’s bedroom.
I liked it.
Sisu.
There were a bunch of adults out in the middle of the gym floor, now—laying down tarps, setting up tables. One of them was carrying a giant, empty, plastic tray, the sort of thing you’d use to mix concrete; two more were following behind with large bags of what looked like playground sand.
“Hello, children,” said a short, balding man, stepping slightly away from the bustle of setup and sweeping his gaze across the bleachers. “My name is Mr. Lampi. I work for a welding company in Jyväskylä. Can anyone tell me what welding is? Yes, you—in the red.”
His words were slow and clear, the tone and cadence of a children’s television host. Down in front, the kid he’d pointed to stood up and answered. “It’s when you stick metal together by melting it.”
“Correct,” Mr. Lampi said gravely. “Thank you. Ordinarily, children, my job is to fix pipes and build buildings. Sometimes I repair machines. But today, I am going to teach you about something called termiitiksi.”
It was a word Aino didn’t know, and judging from the looks on the faces around me, she wasn’t alone. I glanced at Ante—
Huh.
Ante’s face was bright, almost wild with delight.
“Before we begin, I must ask you to make a very serious promise. It’s so serious, in fact, that I am going to ask you to make this promise more than once, to each of the people around you. Are you ready?”
The entire gym seemed to hold its breath.
“The promise is this: I will never, ever be silly with termiitillä. I will never play with it. I will not use it for games, or pranks, or just because I am upset with someone. Termiitti is a grownup thing, and I will treat it with the utmost respect. That is a lot of words, but you can promise using just the short version, which is I promise I will never use termiittiä in a way I know Mr. Lampi would not like. Okay? Promise, now, please, to the person in front of you and the person behind you and the people beside you—everyone whose hand you can shake without getting up out of your seat.”
The air filled with voices—nervous voices, excited voices, uncertain voices, curious voices.
Dynamite? I wondered. But no—Aino knew the word for dynamite—dynamiitti.
“Thank you,” said Mr. Lampi, as the voices died down. “Now please—look around. Is there anyone next to you who did not promise to you? We cannot proceed unless everyone has promised.”
A moment of weighing silence.
“Remember that, please. You have promised, not just once, but four or five or six times. Look again at every one of the people you have promised to. If you break your word, you are breaking your word with all of them.”
Another silence, more somber this time.
“Remember, there may come a day when you have yourself a fiendishly good idea, and all you need to pull it off is a little bit of termiittiä. When that happens, you will remember me, Mr. Lampi, standing there with a frown, shaking my head. And you will remember all of the people you have promised to, and then you will either be good, or you will be bad. Which do you think you will be?”
“Good!” shouted hundreds of voices—mostly the younger ones. Ante’s lips didn’t move, and neither did mine.
It has to be a weapon, or something. Something dangerous.
“All right, then, let us begin. First, I need you to remember two numbers. The first number is twenty-seven, and twenty-seven is the first number because it is smaller, and because it goes with the letter A. A is for alumiini, and what is the number which goes with A?”
“Twenty-seven.”
“Good. The second number is eighty, and it goes with the letter R, for ruoste. What is the number which goes with R?”
“Eighty.”
“Good. So we have alumiini, twenty-seven, and we have ruoste, eighty.”
I frowned. Aluminum and rust?
“So now I will come over here to the table, and I will show you my ingredients, which will not surprise you. This first bucket is full of aluminum dust—do you see? It is the same metal that makes up your soda cans, only it has been chopped up and ground down into a fine powder. This powder is very very bad for you to breathe, so you see I am putting a mask on, as you will also do if you must ever work with aluminum dust.”
“Ante,” I whispered. “What is this?”
“Shhh,” he whispered back, not looking at me, his eyes wide with anticipation. “You’ll see.”
“—bucket is filled with rust, just like you would find on any old piece of iron lying around. When you leave to practice with your families, you will talk more about where you can find these things, aluminum dust and iron rust. Now, I do not have time to careful-count out twenty-seven measures of aluminum and eighty more measures of rust, so I am going to do a simple thing which you might have to do, if circumstances call for it. I am going to grab one measure of aluminum, and three measures of rust, because twenty-seven times three is eighty-one, and that is very close to eighty, yes?”
As he talked, Mr. Lampi was using a scoop and a digital scale to measure out each of the two powders, dumping both of them into a large, metal bowl. He then picked up a large fork and began to stir.
“I stir, stir, stir, many times. Let’s say one hundred and seven times, twenty-seven for the aluminum and eighty for the rust. It is very important to stir until it is all one single, smooth color—no bright silver or dark red, okay? And once I have stirred one hundred and seven times, what we have left is termiittiä. Say that word for me, please.”
“Termiitti,” chorused the students.
Mr. Lampi placed the bowl down onto one of the tables. “Now, for sure by now you are asking yourself, what is termiitti? I will tell you, now. Termiitti is fire. It is one of the hottest fires you will ever see. It is a fire so hot that you must not look straight at it, or you might hurt your eyes. It is a fire so hot that it will burn straight through this bowl, straight through this table, and down through the floor—except that, as you see, I have this tray full of sand beneath, to catch it.”
He nudged the tray with his foot. “This sand is very important,” he said. “It is part of a rule: never put anything underneath termiitin, unless you want that thing to be destroyed. Just like your father’s rifle, yes? Never point a rifle at anything you are unwilling to kill—this is the same rule, except for termiitille the dangerous direction is down.”
Mr. Lampi reached into his pocket and pulled out something I couldn’t make out, from a distance.
“Now, there is one other thing you must know about termiitti. Termiitti, my children, is sleepy. It does not like to wake up. Watch—”
There was a collective gasp as he pointed the object in his hand at the bowl of dust and pulled a trigger, igniting a narrow cone of bright, hot flame. Several people flinched, and one of the younger kids shrieked.
“You see?” he said calmly, sweeping the flame back and forth across the surface of the powder. “I am burning the termiittiä with all of my might, burning and burning, but nothing is happening. That is because you need an extra special spark to wake up your termiittisi. And so, we have one more ingredient, which is magnesium.”
He held up his other hand, and I thought I could see a glint of something silvery.
“Now, children, prepare yourselves, for magnesium is bright and termiitti is bright also. You must squint, hold your eyes almost all the way shut, and if it is too bright, you must look away. See how I am putting on special sunglasses? I am much closer to the light than you, and so I need the sunglasses to be safe.”
Again the feeling that the whole room was holding its breath, eight hundred pairs of eyes locked firmly on the bowl of dull red powder. Mr. Lampi stuck the piece of silvery metal into it like a wick and stepped back, holding his lighter out at arms’ length.
And then, without any further warning—
HSSSSSSSSSS—
FWOOOOOM.
I lowered my arm from where it had instinctively flown up to cover my face.
“Ah, yes,” said Mr. Lampi, sounding artificially sad. “It is as I had feared. Look.”
Using a pair of tongs, he picked up the remains of the bowl—a warped, still-glowing ring of twisted, dripping metal. He held it up, spun slowly around so that each of us could see it—could see him through it.
“And of course, our poor table, as well,” he said, gesturing.
The smell was beginning to spread, now, a mixture of smoke and plastic fumes. Down in the front row, someone was coughing. There was a hole in the small folding table about the size of my head, as if the bowlful of powder had turned into lava and dropped straight down.
What do you mean, ‘as if’? That’s exactly what happened.
“You understand, yes, why it was important to me that you promise?” Mr. Lampia asked. “That you will not play with termiitti? It is a powerful tool, and a dangerous tool. Imagine what happens, if you are not careful, and it falls on your foot.”
Another hiss as several hundred children sucked in their breath.
“But it is an important tool, as well, and one which you might someday need. A cupful of termiittiä on the outside of an unshielded Hyönteishävittäjä—”
Insect vessel?
Oh. Bug fighter.
“—more than enough to disable it. You can use termiitti to cut metal, burn away locks, open doors, destroy vehicles and weapons—raise your hand if you remember Iowa, in the United States? The oatmeal factory?”
Hands went up, and I felt a tickle of vertigo, as if the world had tilted by half a degree. He’d used the same tone of voice a teacher might have used to say remember Tiananmen Square?
“It was termiitti that the American resistance used to destroy that factory.”
Mr. Lampi continued to lecture as my mind—slid. Somehow, the mention of the factory mission—a mission I had probably been on, all things considered—that brought the surreality of the whole situation into focus, broke the spell of the balding man’s calm, reassuring voice.
“Ante,” I whispered. “Is this normal?”
“What do you mean?”
“Learning about—about how to make bombs.”
The boy gave me a flat, inscrutable look. “It’s the Common Endeavor,” he said. “No civilians. Six million soldiers.”
But bombs?
I couldn’t make the words come out, and after a moment, Ante shrugged. “Last week it was driving lessons,” he said. “The week before that, field medicine. Next week, who knows?”
I looked down across the bleachers, at the seven- and eight- and nine-year-olds still riveted, fixated on the small, balding man as he held up a pair of Ziploc bags—one about the size of a sandwich, the other smaller than a playing card, both already full of powder. In front of him, on the table, were a handgun and a laptop.
But they’re just kids, a part of me wanted to say.
I squeezed my eyes shut as my brain threw up a memory—the same memory, the memory I returned to over and over again, the pool and the cages and the people trapped inside.
“Sam!” cried a young boy, his voice breaking. “Sam, don’t worry! It’s going to be okay! I’m here, Sam! I’m not going to leave you!”
I remembered the boy’s face. He couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years old. The same age as Jordan.
And now he was dead.
I gritted my teeth, holding my head still against a mounting pressure to do something, to get up, to shout, to move. It was too much to contain, too much to digest—felt like it might melt its way out of me at any second, burning down through the bleachers beneath me.
These people—
They were serious.
They weren’t just plugging their ears and getting on with their lives and hoping it would all go away. They were turning their entire culture on its head in a frantic attempt to ready themselves—to ready their children—to arm their children against the coming storm. And this was just school—who knew what the rest of them were up to, out in the lähiö?
And yet—
At the same time—
I hated the thought, hated myself for thinking it, but I didn’t let that stop me—
What good is a bunch of nine-year-olds who know how to make pipe bombs, against an enemy who levels whole cities?
The first thought established the pattern, and a dozen more came nipping at its heels, the words falling into place like puzzle pieces.
What good were cars, against spaceships?
What good were rifles, against force fields?
What good was a militia, if the Yeerks had all the nukes?
What was the point in a common endeavor, when the enemy could be anyone, anywhere—could slip in unnoticed at any time, and cut off the resistance at the knees?
Yeah, well. What’s the point of giving five idiot teenagers the ability to turn into horses?
I felt my body go still.
I mean, it’s the same thing, isn’t it? said my inner Marco—said the part of me that liked to pretend it was Marco. You work with what you’ve got. Sometimes it’s enough, and sometimes it isn’t. That’s all there is to it.
I opened my eyes again, looking down at the kids in the bleachers below me. Looking sideways at Ante, whose face was still flushed with excitement, his eyes locked on Mr. Lampi below like he was some kind of celebrity.
Sisu, I thought. I guess they’re not any better off NOT knowing how to make pipe bombs.
Except—
Except when I saw that look on Ante’s face—that look of pure excitement, of eagerness, like he couldn’t wait to get his hands on some termiitti and get started—
They weren’t ready.
These kids. These kids were not ready. And backwoods redneck military expertise was not going to make them ready, but it might make them think they were, and that would be ten times worse—
Hey, check your privilege. We can’t all watch a legendary Andalite war-prince get eaten alive on day one.
But that was the thing—even with that lesson, I had still screwed up. Overreached. I had gotten Melissa and her family killed by thinking I was ready when I wasn’t.
Okay, but would they really be better off with nothing? What’s worse, a little overconfidence, or a total lack of resources?
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know.
I fight the Yeerks, I had said, to the people in the cages. To Sam and his brother, along with all the rest. You fight them as well, and for that I honor you.
I had said that, and then I’d left them all behind.
And now they were dead.
I held still, for a moment—mentally, emotionally—let the echoes of the thought settle before trying to respond.
You can’t save everybody, Rachel.
But it felt like I should. Like I should at least try. Like I should have something to say to these people, stuck way out here in the suburbs, trying to prepare for a war they barely understood. It felt like I should do something about them. Do something for them. Like I shouldn’t just sit there and watch as they fumbled around blindly in the dark, shouldn’t let them waste their time and effort—
For now, nothing is your resp—
Yeah, yeah. But still.
I let out a breath, shook my head, tried to set aside the confused, jumbled tangle of my thoughts.
Just for today. For one day, you can wait, and watch, and do nothing.
A sudden hush fell over the crowd, and my eyes snapped open.
While I’d been thinking, Mr. Lampi’s demonstration had continued. He had burned a hole straight through the laptop, had almost completely melted the handgun, and had cut through the surface of the table in two more places.
But that wasn’t why everyone had gone quiet.
Oh, no.
Another adult had emerged from the doors at the end of the court, a grim look on his face as he pushed a rolling, rectangular cart in front of him. On that cart was a wire-frame cage with a thick, black top, just like the cages in Cassie’s barn back in Ventura.
And in that cage was an animal.
A vole, a rat, a possum of some kind—I wasn’t sure. Couldn’t tell, from this far away. Might not have known even if I’d been up close. It was definitely a rodent, though—a big one, almost the size of a Corgi.
No, no, no, that’s too much, too far, don’t—
“Your attention, please,” called out Mr. Lampi—uselessly, since every person in the room was already transfixed. “We come now to a sad, but necessary part of the lesson. For you see, it is not quite enough for you to promise with words. It is important that you know that termiitti is dangerous. Not just with your head, but with your heart also—that you feel the danger in your bones.”
A rising clamor—expressions of dismay—
“You must watch,” said Mr. Lampi.
Shouts of fear, of anguish—several students had leapt to their feet, were being held back by others around them. I felt my own jaw hanging open in shock, felt the blood draining out of my face—
What was it you were just thinking, about having to watch Elfangor die?
Mr. Lampi lifted a pint-sized bag of dull-red dust and placed it on top of the cage as the shouts grew louder, wilder, poked a magnesium wick into the plastic as even some of the adults turned away, looking sick. Inside the bars, the animal was terrified—quivering, squeaking, turning circles, looking for some place to hide—
“Remember,” said Mr. Lampi.
There was a burst of light too bright to look at—a shower of sparks—a hundred strangled cries—
I blinked, trying to clear away the afterimage as the sudden horror gave way to confusion.
The animal was fine.
The cage was fine.
There was a molten puddle in the middle of the black top, slowly dimming from white to orange to red.
A hundred voices stuttered into silence.
“This is a cage that I built myself, for this lesson,” said Mr. Lampi, his voice still calm and slow. “It is made with a secret that I will not teach you. You do not know how to build a thing which termiitti cannot destroy. This animal is alive because I chose to save it. If it were not for me—if it had been just you, and the animal, and the termiitti—”
He broke off, shrugged, reached over to the ruined bowl from the first burn and held it up. “Remember the power of termiitti,” he said. “Remember what it did to this metal bowl. Remember what it would have done to this poor animal—what it would do to you. To your face. To your hands. To your genitals. Look at this.”
He held the bowl up higher. “Repeat after me,” he said. “Termiitti is not a toy.”
Nothing. Stunned silence. Not a single person spoke.
“Good,” said Mr. Lampi, with a dry little chuckle. “I see that the lesson is learned.”
* * *
Taking a deep breath, I locked the door to the teachers’ lounge, turned off the light, and groped my way back toward the space I had cleared on the floor by the sofa. I lay down, arranging the throw pillows and the duvet around my head.
Sisu.
I began to demorph, ears alert for any sign that someone was coming. The lounge had been unlocked and empty, the upper floor abandoned with everyone else down in the gym, but there were still eleven minutes left in the break between first and second period, and for all I knew someone was going to come looking for a cup of coffee or—
“Cassie?” I croaked, my heart suddenly in my throat. “Cassie, oh my god, it’s—”
And then my brain caught up, recognized the dirty green t-shirt, the baggy jeans, the shoes so scuffed and muddy it was hard to tell they’d ever been white. I felt a pain in my gut like I’d been shot, felt my knees go soft and rubbery.
“Jake?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Is that you?”
She—he—the face turned to me, tears glistening in the moonlight, skin already fading from brown to peach, hair lengthening and softening.
“Hi, Rachel,” Jake said hollowly, his voice still halfway hers.
“Jake, what—what—”
I couldn’t finish the sentence, didn’t even know what the rest of it might be. For one moment—one single, precious, beautiful moment, she had been alive again. I could still taste it—how possible it had felt, how reasonable and believable, of course she’d made it out alive, had come to find us—
Anger and misery fought over the steering wheel as I stared at my cousin.
“I’m sorry,” Jake whispered, burying his face in his hands. “I just—I just—I have to talk to her, sometimes.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt frozen, stretched, pulled taut between the vast weight of my own grief and the sudden horror I was feeling, a horror so neatly summed up by those two little words, ‘have to.’
And then—
—just then, as if that wasn’t enough—
—that’s when my brain decided to make the connection, to realize that I had Sara’s morph tucked away in my collection, that she wasn’t fully gone, that some part of her could be brought back, and then I had to wrench my thoughts away from that option, focus everything I had on my determination not to do it, or I might have fallen to pieces right then and there—
* * *
“Hei,” said Ante, as I stepped up beside him, his breath making little clouds in the cold morning air.
“Hei,” I replied.
And then nothing—nothing for the next twenty minutes, as the teachers explained the safety procedures, handed out the materials, and watched us mix and bag termiittiä.
I could really get used to this not-bothering-people thing.
I had come out of my morph-hallucination gasping, the muscles in my legs knotting and seizing. It was worse than before—with how quickly I’d remorphed earlier that morning, I’d spent less than two minutes total in my real body, which meant that as far as my muscles were concerned, I’d had two seizures in about three minutes. I needed time to rest and recover or a third morph might end up actually tearing something.
Unfortunately, I’d had no idea what kind of trouble Ante might kick up if I didn’t come back for second period, so time to rest and recover had ended up being about five minutes. I’d massaged out the cramps as best I could, taken some of the pills Sofia had given me, stolen a banana from a bowl of fruit in the teachers’ lounge, and put Aino’s body back on before rejoining the other kids in the parking lot outside the gym.
Now, I had a little more than an hour and a half before it happened again.
I’d gone around in circles for a while, asking myself a bunch of useless questions like how and why and what, exactly and for how long? But ultimately, those questions had gotten me nowhere, so I’d fallen back to nuts and bolts.
One. If this was going to happen every time—and it looked like it would; I hadn’t tried morphing into some other body yet but the thing was only happening when I got back into my own body, so I didn’t see what difference that would make—
If this was going to happen every time, then I had way less flexibility in how I used the morphing power. If I needed a wide, flat, safe place every time I demorphed—if I was going to be, for all intents and purposes, fully unconscious every time I demorphed—
Two. I needed to find out whether these visions were real in any meaningful sense. The second and third had both been in private—I would need to talk to the others, to Jake and the rest, assuming that their own resurrections hadn’t wiped out the memories.
But the first one—the incident in the grocery store—that might have made the news. It wasn’t for sure; if I couldn’t find any record of it that didn’t prove that it hadn’t happened. But if there was some public record—
I needed a computer, and some time to search.
Three…
Well. Assuming the visions were real—
It wasn’t exactly seeing the future. Everything I’d witnessed had already happened, to some other version of me. There wasn’t any way for me to win the lottery or prevent an assassination or any other shenanigans like that.
But all of those things had happened in my future. They’d happened to a Rachel who was older than me, who’d lived through everything I’d lived through and then some. There was knowledge in there that I could use, and perspective, too—already, my relationship to what had happened in Ventura was changing in response to what I’d seen in that brief, horrible glimpse of Jake. If these weren’t just random fever dreams—
—or worse, some kind of low-key mind control—
Yeah, okay, but if they weren’t that—
Then I wanted more. Wanted all of it, in fact—wanted to see as much as I could of this alternate-timeline Rachel, to get as much as I could out of the things she’d seen, the missions she’d been on, her experiences, her mistakes.
Which brought me to four:
I really couldn’t be sure that this wasn’t killing me.
It was one thing if it was just muscle cramps. But the nosebleeds had me scared. And I was no expert, but I thought I’d heard that grand mal seizures left cumulative damage, got worse over time.
Which meant—
Which meant—
I don’t know why you keep going ‘which meant’ when there are only two options and it’s obvious which one you’re going to pick. You don’t have enough info to make, like, an informed decision, and you’re not gonna get that info way out here in a Finnish suburb.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. I could go back to Koskinen, see if he was willing to run some brain scans, maybe get a neurologist colleague to take a look.
Come to think of it, why hasn’t Koskinen followed up? He was there the first time.
No, that was putting too much on him. He’d sent the medication, after all. He was probably just acting on the completely reasonable assumption that I’d contact him, if it kept happening.
Which I probably would do, sooner or later.
Only—
What if it turns out it is hurting you? What if it’s lethal, or crippling?
Say I had—I dunno—twenty morphs left in me. Say Koskinen told me that, and I believed him.
What then?
I wasn’t sure. I especially wasn’t sure in the world where the visions were real, and there was a tradeoff between how-long-I-stayed-alive and how-much-information-I-could-recover. There was more to this war than just me, after all, and it’s possible the old Rachel knew enough that it was literally worth dying for, if I could pass it along to Garrett or Jake or the others.
Plus, if they’d brought me back once, they could do it again, right?
That’s a lot of ifs all stacked up on top of each other, my inner Marco observed.
Fine. I wouldn’t make plans—at least, not the kinds of plans that meant locking yourself into a course of action in advance.
You mean like going ahead and morphing back into Aino’s body when you could’ve just left and walked back to the apartment?
I clenched my feet as hard as I could, a trick I’d picked up at family dinners where I couldn’t get away with clenching my fists.
What was done was done. Every period was forty-five minutes, with a fifteen minute break, and school let out at 12:45 under Common Endeavor rules. It was 9:30 now—if I demorphed and remorphed at 10:45, that would be enough to take me to the end of the school day. Two more times through the ringer probably wasn’t enough to kill or cripple me, and if it was, then honestly I was already screwed.
One of the teachers blew a whistle, signaling the end of prep time, and Ante and I gathered our bags of termiittiä and lined up with the rest of the children. Our group had six testing stations and about fifty kids, so it wouldn’t take long to rotate everybody through.
“Hei, Rachel,” said Ante suddenly, making me jump a little bit.
“Mmm?”
“How totally awesome is this?”
I glanced over at the older boy, his eyes still bright and eager. Up ahead, the first of the students had lit her magnesium, and the brilliant light cast half of Ante’s face in flickering shadow.
“I know, right?” I agreed, trying inject some enthusiasm into my voice. “Real Fight Club.”
Ante smiled, looking almost wolfish for a second, and then turned his attention back to the testing station, where two more kids were lighting up their bags. One of them burned a lot brighter and longer than the other, but from where I was in line, I couldn’t tell if they’d had a better mixture or just a bigger batch.
Eventually, it was our turn.
“Ante Niska,” said the teacher, making a check mark on a clipboard. “And…?”
“Rachel Koskinen,” said Ante. “My cousin.”
“Who will sign her receipt?” the teacher asked.
“My mother,” said Ante. “Sofia Niska.”
The teacher nodded, making another note. “Bags on the scale, please.”
We dumped our dozen-or-so bags into the silvery bowl.
“Almost three kilograms,” said the teacher. “Very good. Remove the bags you wish to test.”
We each reached in and grabbed a bag.
“Two point three seven kilograms,” the teacher said, tearing off a strip of paper and handing it to Ante. “Have your mother sign this and bring it back tomorrow.”
“We’re keeping this stuff?” I whispered, as we fed the other bags into our pockets and placed the two we’d removed atop two cinderblock stands.
Ante shrugged. “We can’t use it in an emergency if we don’t have it.”
“You can’t burn your house down with it, either,” I shot back.
“We’re not stupid, you know,” Ante bit out, his tone suddenly sharp. “Maybe the kids in Tampere fuck around, but out here we know not to shoot ourselves in the foot. Besides, you can’t light it without magnesium, and they’re not giving us that.”
It was true. The teachers were unspooling lengths of flattened magnesium ribbon from a single, central roll, and sticking them into the bags themselves before handing over the lighters.
“Besides, you’re missing the point,” he said, after we’d burned our bags and were walking back to clean up our supplies. “It’s not about the termiittiä.”
“What do you mean?”
He held up one of his bags. “Look at this stuff. Rust and metal. Completely harmless unless you get it up over seventeen hundred degrees. And even if you do, it doesn’t explode, it just burns. You couldn’t make a bomb out of it. It’s not even a restricted substance. Mr. Lampi probably bought the ingredients at a hardware supply store. And every parent in the lähiö is going to collect it as soon as they get home tonight, and lock it up tight.”
Ante raised an eyebrow at me, and I shook my head. “I don’t get it.”
“It’s a game,” he said. “A play. Charades. For the little ones. It’s not real.”
“Still don’t get it.”
“The little ones, they’re looking around, they see Mommy and Daddy stressed, arguing—scared, even. Half the grownups aren’t working their regular jobs. School is fucked. There are all kinds of weird new rules, new emergency drills. You hear about Ventura and Masaki on the news, hear people saying that the aliens are coming, that it’s the end of the world. This thing with the termiittiä—”
He shrugged. “If you ask me, it’s a stuffed animal. A security blanket. The grownups, they’re thinking, what can we do to give these kids a sense of control, stop them from going out of their minds with anxiety. Keep them calm. And from their point of view, this stuff is only a little bit more dangerous than building campfires, which all the little ones already know how to do. It’s—it’s theater.”
He fell silent, his face flushed a little, and I realized that this was the first time he’d—I don’t know—let go? The first time he’d said more than a dozen words in a row in front of me, let me peek behind the curtain.
“Plus,” he said, more softly this time, “they really do want supplies on hand everywhere in the lähiö, and you know how it is when they tell you not to touch something. This way, it’s not—tempting. It’s not forbidden or new. It’s just like a hammer or a saw.”
He had a point. Certainly if this had been a lesson in an American school, with some central, guarded cache of termiittiä and a bunch of teachers treating the students like rabid monkey thieves, I’d have ended up spending the next two days trying to talk Jake and Marco out of sneaking in to steal some just on general principle.
In fact, now that I thought about it—
“Ante,” I said, reaching out to catch the older boy’s sleeve. “Did you steal some magnesium?”
He grinned, looking for a split second exactly like Marco. “Who said anything about stealing? Konstit on monet.”
The ways are many.
Okay, so Ante hadn’t stolen any magnesium, but he definitely had some.
Whatever. Not my problem.
We spent the next few minutes cleaning, and then we just sort of lounged around until the teachers blew their whistles, signaling the end of the period. The crowd began to move, oozing around the building toward the fields and the playground. Break lasted about fifteen minutes, and then the whistles sounded again, sending everyone to third period.
“We have Classical Education first,” said Ante. “Follow me.”
Classical Education, as it turned out, was just regular school, the idea apparently being that little doses of math and science and language arts would keep the students from falling too far behind, in the event that the whole interstellar war thing sorted itself out. For half an hour, we churned through a series of short test questions, and then the last fifteen minutes were spent huddled together in small groups, swapping answers and occasionally asking the teacher a question.
Then it was break time again, with everyone flowing down the hall toward the stairs.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” I said to Ante, jerking my head in the direction of the bathroom.
“No niin,” he replied. “If you can’t find me, next period starts in room two-twenty-one. Ms. Olsson.”
I pushed my way against the crowd, passing the bathroom, looking for a classroom with no one in it. Finding one, I slipped inside, nudging the door shut and waiting until the sound of passing students had faded to silence.
All right. Here goes.
I could feel my heartrate rising again, sweat beading on my forehead as I pulled a couple of stray bookbags together in a corner, making a barrier to hide me a little if someone just happened to stick their head in. Lying down behind it, I closed my eyes and concentrated—
“—it was only a few days later that the first Pemalites started to get sick,” said Erek.
“Biological weapons,” I said softly.
“Yes. It had been the Howlers’ first move, as it turned out—they’d seeded the atmosphere with a plague that took weeks to incubate. The rest of it—the burning, the killing, the torture—that was just because they liked it.”
I clenched my jaw, clamping down on the question I wanted to ask—
Why didn’t you fight BACK?
From what Erek had told us, sitting on the grass next to Tobias’s hospital bed, the Howlers hadn’t been more technologically advanced than the Pemalites. They hadn’t been smarter, or faster, or better equipped. They’d just been more brutal, more relentless, the Pemalites unwilling to do anything but fall back, defend, and fall back again as each layer of their defenses was breached. If the Pemalites had just unlocked their army of invincible robots—
But as I looked around at the park, at the hundreds of dogs barking and gamboling in the golden light, I could also sort of see it. The way in which turning the Chee into weapons wouldn’t have been an answer, would have just been defeat in a different form. It wasn’t something I would have been able to notice, before the morph-swap, except maybe in the vague sense of ‘this is a Cassie thing, I guess.’ But now—
The Pemalites had built the Chee because they’d wanted friends. Not to handle menial or repetitive tasks, not to make manufacturing more efficient, not to solve intractable problems or answer deep questions about the nature of the universe or any of the reasons why humans might someday invent robots. They’d done it just for the joy of it. To have someone to talk to, to share with—to bring more total happiness into the univer—
“RRGGGGHHHHHH!”
It was worse, this time—way, way worse. My teeth actually ached from how tightly my jaw had clenched, the muscles in my face twitching and throbbing. I had pulls in both calves, now, and an uneasy twinge between my shoulder blades. There was blood on my tongue, and for a moment I was worried I had gotten it all over my shirt—
Don’t touch it. Don’t touch it, don’t move, don’t do anything. Just breathe.
I lay there for two full minutes, counting hippopotamuses, waiting for my overworked muscles to relax.
They’re real, my brain insisted. Those visions are real. There’s too much detail, too much stuff I could never make up. That was the sanctuary in Washington, where you and Garrett went to pick up Tobias and David—
My thoughts stalled, sputtered to a halt.
David?
Who the hell was David?
I had no idea, and yet, as I dipped back into the memory, I could feel my own awareness of his existence. Knew that he was a kid. Knew that he was there, in the sanctuary, though I couldn’t see him—knew that I had known, at the time, that he was somewhere nearby.
Okay, fine, whatever. Is that worth having an epileptic fit to find out?
A long, gathering silence—
It was like the inside of my mind was made up of a dozen different schoolchildren, and eleven of them were now staring in disbelief at the one that had just spoken. Were crowding around it, menacingly, shooting it withering looks.
Yes! Yes! Yes, it’s worth it! Obviously! I just found out that the Chee have an underground sanctuary in Washington, D.C.! I didn’t know that a minute ago! Koskinen doesn’t know that! It’s possible none of the rest of them know—I don’t know how many of us were killed, or who knew what, or whose memories got preserved! What if the next vision is—
Fake? the twelfth voice interrupted.
My thoughts jerked to a halt again.
What if the next vision is fake? What if you’re just going crazy? Or worse—what if this is some kind of trap? What if someone is doing this to you?
I took in a deep breath, sat up slowly, trying not to strain my overworked muscles.
It didn’t make sense for it to be a trap. In order for it to be a trap, somebody—
Visser Three?
—would’ve had to expect that they could manipulate some future outcome by way of making me think that I was remembering important information through an incredibly painful and suspicious channel. That was beyond James Bond levels of ridiculous—anyone with that much power, anyone who could just insert thoughts directly into my brain—there would have to be easier ways for them to achieve their goal than that, wouldn’t there?
Okay, fine. What about the insanity possibility, then?
That—
That, I couldn’t rule out.
Not really.
Even given the deep, rich, consistent complexity of the memories—when you got right down to it, it was just an apparent deep rich consistent complexity, a perceived deep rich consistent complexity. If I was losing my mind, who’s to say I wasn’t just imagining that it all made sense, dream-logic style?
Well, there are easy ways to check that—
Yeah, there were, but they required someone I could talk to, someone I could trust. They needed Jake, or Marco, or Tobias, or Ax.
Sofia? Koskinen? Ante?
The other eleven parts of me laughed.
The internet, then.
The incident with the cinnamon buns. I could still check that out. If it had really happened—yeah, odds were pretty good there would’ve been news stories about it.
What about right now?
I rubbed my forehead. It was the same choice it had been, with basically the same information I’d had the other two times. Only now I knew for sure that it was getting worse—
But is it getting worse because it’s getting worse, or just because of how little recovery time you’re getting? Is it getting MORE worse than you’d expect just from having crazy intense muscle spasms every five minutes?
I wasn’t sure.
But one more probably wouldn’t kill me.
Are you sure?
No.
But one more probably wouldn’t kill me.
* * *
‹Let me just make sure I heard you right,› Marco said, all the while continuing to outwardly ignore me as he whittled the stick he was holding down to a point. ‹You want me to cut your fucking ARM? OFF??›
‹My morphing armor arm, yeah,› I said, picking myself up off the ground. Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I started my next set of jumping jacks.
‹I just—bear with me, please, it just seems really important to be extremely clear, here, because, like, I could see there being some kind of tragic misunderstanding, if it turns out later that there was some joke I was missing—›
‹I’m not joking. I’m talking about my literal arm, and you literally cutting it off.›
‹See, there’s that problem again, because people do this thing with the word ‘literally’—›
‹Marco.›
‹So what happens if there ARE Chee hiding in the bushes?›
‹Do we need a plan for that? It’s not like they’re going to hurt us.› Finishing the set, I knelt and dug my knuckles into the dirt, counting seconds of rest.
‹I’d rather not lose the shredder, though. Maybe an Andalite morph?›
‹If we’re gonna play it off like we spontaneously got mad at each other, it’s a lot easier for you to pull out a gun than to spend a minute and a half morphing,› I pointed out, as I straightened my legs and began to do pushups.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
‹Do you have a better solution?› I asked. ‹A better quick solution? I mean, if we’re actually going to do this, we need to get the ball rolling.›
Sixteen.
Seventeen.
Eighteen.
Nineteen.
‹Marco? Are you still there?›
‹Sorry,› he said, as I finished my set and rolled over onto my back, chest heaving. ‹My brain has to run through all the dumb sentences like ‘but that’s going to hurt’ and such, before I can get to the rest of it. Variations on the theme of ‘what the fuck,’ and so forth. ‘Are you a genius, or just insane.’ You know, filler.›
‹Porque no los dos?› I asked, as I threaded my fingers behind my head and extended my legs straight out, heels six inches off the ground.
For a long time, Marco didn’t answer. Then—
‹Hey, Rachel.›
‹Mmm?›
‹Why’d you come to me with this, and not—›
* * *
“How far?” I asked, tugging on my hat as we pushed through the double doors and out into the sunshine. “How long until we get back?”
“Fifty minutes, out and back,” Ante said. “Maybe an hour, but no longer. We’ve got to be back in time for the Territorial Forces at fifteen, anyway.”
It was maybe 1:20, 1:30. I had ended up back in morph again, more as a result of sheer inertia than I really wanted to admit—
At least I actually got fifteen minutes of rest, this time.
I’d demorphed in another empty classroom, and then snuck into a bathroom stall in my own body before remorphing and joining the others in the cafeteria. I had until 3:05, give or take, which meant I’d have about half an hour after we returned to find a safe spot.
Close, but doable.
We’d finished eating and were now on our way to ‘past the fence,’ the entrance to which was apparently all the way at the other end of the street. It was warmer than it had been during second period, but still cold; I held my jacket closed against the breeze and found myself wishing I’d brought gloves. It was weird—the three Finnish boys were fine, and Aino had grown up in the cold, but somehow my native Californian sensitivity was leaking through even in morph.
“Aleksy said somebody from the YEM was coming with them,” Elias chirped. “With the Territorial Forces, I mean. His cousin in Jyväskylä saw them yesterday, the same group that’s coming here.”
“Aleksy’s full of shit,” asserted Ante. “The YEM aren’t going to send an agent out here to the suburbs, and if they did they wouldn’t show themselves in front of a bunch of random kids.”
“YEM?” I asked.
Ante shot me a withering look and then turned to Juhani, his hands spread in mock helplessness. “See what I mean?” he said.
Juhani looked back and forth between the two of us and shrugged.
Gonna be hard for you to see anything once I poke your stupid eyes out—
“Yrks en mano,” said Elias, interrupting my fantasy. “The resistance group?”
“The alleged resistance group,” Juhani cut in. “The so-called resistance group, that nobody’s ever actually proved exists.”
“That’s because they’re covert,” Ante shot back. “Wouldn’t be a good resistance group if they were mucking around on Instagram, would they?”
“Shitsberries,” Juhani sniffed. “I guess that proves Joulupukki’s real, too.”
“Ante really wants them to be real,” Elias offered helpfully.
“Suksi vittuun, Elias,” Ante growled.
“I’m just saying,” Juhani continued loftily. “You want to say Aleksy’s full of shit, but then you turn around and talk YEM like some kind of Illuminati truther—”
“Enough!” Ante snapped.
There was a moment of silence, during which the red slowly drained out of Ante’s face and Elias and Juhani did a C+ job of stifling their laughter.
“Well, this was fun,” I said dryly. “What are we going to talk about for the other forty-nine minutes?”
* * *
Between movies, video games, and my own first-hand experience, I’d probably heard the sound at least a thousand times before. You’d think it would be familiar. Routine, almost. The sort of thing you could take in stride.
I mean, they talk about desensitization, right?
But coming out of the blue, with no warning—
Clack-CLACK.
I froze.
“Don’t move, Rachel.”
Yeah, thanks, I heard you the first time.
But the smartass part of my brain was all by itself, was barely even registering inside my own head, let alone coming anywhere near my mouth. The rest of me was immobile, trembling, like I’d grabbed onto a live wire.
“Keep your hands low. Keep them out.”
There were two more quiet clicks, one from the outcropping above the shallow ravine, where Juhani had disappeared a minute ago, and one from in front as Ante reemerged from the undergrowth, a long hunting rifle pointed straight at my chest. He held it level, steady, his head tilted slightly to the side as he walked slowly forward.
He held it like he knew how to use it.
What is this? I wanted to ask. But despite everything I’d been through, despite the fact that I’d faced death a dozen times already—
For some reason, my mouth was completely dry.
These weren’t Yeerks. This wasn’t a battle. These were kids, and this was not supposed to be happening.
“We’re going to ask you some questions,” Ante said, his voice flat and serious. It sounded just like Jake, that voice—like Jake when he’d talked Illim right out of Tidwell’s head. “Nod if you understand.”
I nodded.
“We’re a kilometer and a half away from the nearest house. People hunt in these woods all the time. A couple of gunshots on a Friday afternoon—nobody would question it. Nobody would even remember hearing it. Nod again.”
I nodded.
“Where are you from?”
“T—Tampere,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“Wrong,” said Ante, and a chill ran down my spine.
“Tampere,” I said again, sinking myself into Aino’s memories, as deep as I could go. “I live at 17 Satamakatu, on the fifth floor, I go to school at—”
“Wrong,” Ante repeated, cutting me off. He tightened his grip on the rifle, raised the barrel from my chest to point straight at my head.
Strange how much of a difference that makes.
“You are not from Finland,” he said. “Obviously. You think Elias and Juhani would point guns at a little girl from Tampere?”
I opened my mouth—
“I wouldn’t. Not unless you’re planning to tell the truth.”
I closed my mouth again.
What were you going to say, just then?
I had absolutely no idea.
“What do you want?” I managed to force out.
“Answers,” said Ante. “True ones. I’m going to ask you another question, and if I think you’re lying again, I’m going to shoot you in the foot.”
What was it you were thinking this morning, about the stakes being so low?
Underneath the shock and confusion, my mind was racing. They were stronger than me, all three—bigger, faster, better positioned. I couldn’t even see the other two—Juhani must have been lying behind the grass and shrubs up above, and the clack-CLACK of Elias’s shotgun had come from somewhere behind me. I couldn’t run. If they shot me and I had to demorph, I’d be helpless. If they kept me here long enough, I’d have to demorph—
“Are you a Controller?” Ante asked.
“No,” I said, unable to stop myself from wincing as the word left my mouth, as Ante’s finger twitched on the trigger.
It wasn’t that I was afraid, exactly. I was, but more than that I was lost.
I’d read somewhere that chess grandmasters are more likely to lose to a total novice than to, like, a chess blue belt, because the novices violate rules and expectations that are so fundamental and basic that the grandmasters have no way to anticipate them, no experience coping with them.
With the Yeerks, I knew all of the possible outcomes—death, torture, infestation. But Ante—
I didn’t have a clue what this kid wanted, didn’t know how he’d made me, didn’t know if he really had made me or if he was just fishing—
“Then you’re a morpher,” Ante declared. “Yes?”
I sucked in a breath. “What makes you think—”
“If there’s some third way that a person who’s definitely not from Finland can be walking around in a Finnish girl’s body, speaking the Finnish language, then you’d better tell me about it right now.”
Well, gee, now that you mention it, there is a third way, let me tell you about the ancient indestructible pacifist dog-loving alien robots that disguise themselves with holograms—
And weirdly, that did it.
I don’t know if it was the quick dose of perspective, or the reminder that I’d made it out of worse situations before, or just the sheer ridiculousness of it, some part of my brain conjuring up an image of what Ante’s face would look like in that one-in-a-million world where I actually said the words out loud.
But whatever it was, thinking of the Chee snapped me out of it. Loosened up the part of me that had been frozen, pushed the fear and panic back down to manageable levels.
And just like that—because it was obvious, now that I wasn’t stuck in fight-or-flight mode—I knew what Ante was up to.
“Yes,” I said calmly. “You figured it out. I’m a morpher.”
To his credit, the boy took the words in stride—didn’t scoff, didn’t flinch, didn’t lower the rifle.
“Prove it,” he said. “Demorph. Now.”
“That’s going to be complicated.”
My mind was racing ahead, now, trying to feel its way through all of the possible moves, weigh all of the possible consequences. Ante—
Ante really wants them to be real.
It was plain as day, now that I knew what I was looking for—was written all over his face—the need, the raw, burning desire, the hopeless, almost romantic longing—for it to be true, for this to be some kind of adventure, for there to be some scrap of traction, some way for him to get his hands on the problem, to actually do something about it instead of just waiting for it to sneak up on him—
The boy who’d set up this ambush was the same one who’d decorated that bedroom. The same one who’d looked on in rapture as his teachers taught him how to mix termiittiä, a boy who’d scoffed at the idea that a secret resistance group would ever come here, but who never doubted for a second that they were out there somewhere else—
Ante had nowhere near enough reason to be pointing a gun at me. It was crazy—wild, wishful thinking—the sort of loose recklessness that would be wrong ninety-nine times out of a hundred.
And yet, here we were.
“Complicated how?” he demanded.
It had only been a couple of seconds, all of that had flashed through my mind in an instant, faster than words, and along with it had come an overwhelming feeling of warmth, of kinship—
This boy was me.
Me, if Visser Three had landed in Finland first—if I’d been stuck out in California for months with nothing but rumors and Grandpa G’s old war rifle.
All the way down to the badass posturing, because as far as you know, that’s how you’re supposed to do it.
“There’s something wrong with my morphing,” I said bluntly. “I’m having trouble whenever I demorph. I go unconscious, start twitching, flail around for about a minute.”
“What? Why?”
“Don’t know. It’s new.”
Ante’s eyes shifted, looking at something over my shoulder, then up at the outcropping above us where Juhani was hiding.
“You can ask your uncle if you don’t believe me,” I added.
“What?”
“I have the pills he prescribed for it in my pocket. They’ve got his name on them.”
Ante’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh, and we gave him the morphing power, too.”
“What—”
* * *
Raised voices—arguing—
“Enough!” came Marco’s voice, cutting through the clamor, and then I heard the distant TSEWWWW of the handheld shredder, followed by silence.
I really, really hope that was set on stun.
“No time, not a democracy,” Marco continued, his voice muffled by the walls and windows but still clear to the excellent hearing of the raptor morph. “You agreed to that, going in.”
His voice was steady, deep, confident. I listened as he gave orders, divvied up tasks, cowed the room full of grownups into something resembling obedience. It was strange—a surreal glimpse into some alternate universe, where Jake hadn’t made it out of the Yeerk pool and Marco had inherited the job of fearless leader.
I could see it. He didn’t have that—that same warmth, that look that Jake had, like he was staring straight into your soul. That thing where you weren’t afraid of his judgments, because his judgments were your judgments, just mirrored back at you.
Marco—
Marco had his own bar. But when it came to getting shit done—
The sliding glass door opened, and he emerged, backpack slung over his shoulder, black shirt tight around his chest, hair all matted and sweaty like Kyle Reese in Terminator.
‹That sounded fun,› I said, standing up from my hiding place behind the bush.
‹You were listening?› he asked, sounding surprised.
‹The whole time,› I answered. ‹This thing has really good hearing.›
I swiveled my head, training my ears on the house, where the others were just now crowding out through the front door, getting into cars. ‹You’re not exactly a Jake when it comes to dealing with people, huh?›
He grinned. ‹I’m not exactly a Rachel, either.›
‹Touché. Look, given how that went, you want me to follow—›
I came awake with a strangled cry, muscles spasming, the twin knots on my head throbbing with pain. There were hands holding me down, pressing my arms into the dirt floor of the ravine.
“Onks se hereillä?”
“Rachel, kuuletko sä?”
I looked back and forth between the two hovering faces, jerked my arms out of their grip and sat up.
“Ootko sä kunnossa?” asked Elias, his eyes wide with concern.
“Päästelet sammakoita suustasi,” Juhani snapped, sounding irritated. “Se ei puhu suomea, muistaksä.”
“I don’t speak Finnish,” I croaked, wiping the blood off of my upper lip.
“Are you okay?” Ante asked, stepping around from behind me and crouching down. His accent was thick and heavy, the words sounding as if they were coming out of his nose and the back of his throat rather than his mouth. I almost didn’t recognize it as his voice, now that I was hearing it through my own ears rather than Aino’s.
“Better than last time, actually,” I said, reaching down to massage my legs. “The extra time out of morph made a little bit of a difference.”
“Can you walk?”
“In a minute, yeah.”
Then my brain caught up to me.
“Wait—you speak English?”
Ante nodded. “Most people do, at least a little,” he said. “The younger kids aren’t so good with it, but—”
He shrugged. “Best TV is in English. Best movies, too. And Reddit.”
I rolled over to one side, preparing to stand up, and he stepped back, offering me a hand.
“Thanks,” I said.
Six agonizing seconds later, and I was on my feet, sustainably if not exactly stably. Ante stayed close on one side, and Juhani stepped in on the other.
“This doesn’t mean we believe you,” Ante said abruptly, after we’d shuffled a few hundred feet toward the lähiö. “You morphing doesn’t prove you’re not a Controller, or some kind of double agent. Doesn’t prove any of the other things you said, either.”
“I’m guessing that’s why Elias is still behind us with the shotgun?”
There was a short, embarrassed silence.
“Elias, hae se hiton ase,” Ante muttered.
“Haista paska, Ante, et säkään tullut sitä ajatelleeks.”
Footsteps receding behind us.
“That doesn’t prove it either,” Ante said.
I would have smirked, but the muscles in my face were too tired. “Just ask your uncle. He can back me up.”
“What if you got to him, too? What if he’s a part of it?”
“It?”
Ante stopped. “Don’t do that,” he hissed. “Don’t—don’t act like—like it’s cute.”
I stopped too, frowning. There was a strange note of—something—in his voice, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Resentment, maybe. Pleading, maybe.
Hope?
Whatever it was, I didn’t feel like being flippant in response.
“That’s fair,” I said, and after a moment, he turned and started walking again. “But what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know,” he said simply. “I haven’t figured it out yet.”
He lapsed into silence, and I followed suit. We walked for maybe twenty minutes, Ante and Juhani on either side of me, Elias behind. The going got easier as we went along, my overworked muscles sagging into a kind of low-energy floppiness. We were almost all the way back to the street when—
“Mitä se aikoo tehä?” came Elias’s voice. “Aikooks se muuttua uudelleen?”
Ante shot me a look. “Are you going to morph again?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Dunno,” I said. “Depends. What’s the plan?”
“If we go to see the Territorial Forces…you don’t speak Finnish. You won’t understand anything.”
“Do I need to?”
Ante was quiet for a moment, considering. “I can’t miss them,” he said. “People will notice. I’m—”
“The local fanboy, yeah. I got that.”
“Ime paskaa,” he shot back, but there was a hint of a smile around his eyes. I threw him a wink.
“She really does look almost exactly the same,” Juhani pointed out. “I don’t think—she’s only been at school for one day. One morning, really. I don’t think anybody would notice if she didn’t morph. Not if we’re there to vouch.”
“A bit harder to explain how she suddenly forgot the language, if anyone tries to talk to her,” said Ante.
“Will they?” I asked. “It seems like you guys leave each other alone most of the time.”
Ante frowned, his expression heavy with thought.
“Se voi mennä takas sun asuntoon,” Elias said.
“What?”
“He said, you could go back to my apartment.”
That was an idea. I could rest, and think—maybe spend an hour or three in that sauna Sofia had mentioned. I was exhausted—physically, mentally, emotionally. The day felt like it had lasted for a week already, and it wasn’t even three o’clock.
“Yeah,” I said. “I could do that.”
“Not alone, you couldn’t,” Ante countered.
“Oh, come on,” I protested. “I was alone there for like five hours straight yesterday.”
“Yeah, but that was before your cover was blown. Maybe now you move up your timetable, reach out to your fellow traitors—disappear some witnesses.”
I managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
He did ask you not to act like it was cute.
“Okay, that’s fair,” I said. “Until you know that you can trust me, I get that you can’t have me running around. What about…”
I trailed off, trying to think.
Just like old times, huh?
The funny thing was, it was. Juggling constraints, bouncing ideas back and forth, shooting down the bad ones—if it hadn’t been obvious why it felt familiar, I would’ve called it déjà vu.
“I have an idea,” said two voices at once.
Ante and Juhani turned to look at each other.
“You first,” offered Juhani.
“No, you,” said Ante.
“Okay, well—what if Elias and I go with her?”
“Back to my apartment?”
“Sure, why not? With two of us there, she won’t try anything. And you’ll be back before your mom gets off work, right?”
Ante’s expression turned thoughtful as he looked back and forth between the two other boys, a weighing look in his eyes.
I knew that look. It was the same way Jake and Marco had looked at me, back at the beginning—the look of someone wondering just how likely you were to screw things up.
“I can wear restraints,” I volunteered. “Zipties, or whatever.”
“You’ll just morph out of them.”
“So have him bring the shotgun,” I said, unable to suppress a note of annoyance. “Besides, as you may recall, I’ve only got two morphs.”
“You say you’ve only got two morphs.”
But I could hear in his tone that he was convinced—not that I only had two morphs, but that his friends could handle it.
“Straight there,” he said. “And you keep her out in the main room, okay? I’ll be back by seventeen.”
I reached into my pocket, dug out the spare key Sofia had given me, held it out to Juhani.
"Oota. Mikä SUN idea oli?”
Ante turned to look at Elias. “Ei mitään,” he said. “Unohda.”
“What was that?” I asked.
“He wanted to know what Ante’s idea was,” said Juhani.
“Doesn’t matter,” Ante said. “This is the plan now.”
“But—”
“I said, it doesn’t matter,” Ante repeated. “Take her with you, stay there. I’ll see you soon.”
* * *
“Hey. Juhani. Would you maybe look something up for me?”
“Eh?”
“Look something up for me. On Google. Uh—American Google.”
Juhani frowned. “Is this a trick?”
“Nope. I just need to know if—uh—I want to see if there are any news articles about a grocery store and some cinnamon buns and a gorilla. Back around the time that Ventura blew up.”
“A grocery store, some cinnamon buns, and a—”
“Gorilla, yeah.”
I mimed knuckle-walking, pretended to pound myself in the chest with my fists.
Juhani fixed me with a long, steady look. “I don’t see how you can say to me, with a straight face, that this is not a trick. You have some coded message from another agent that you want me to check for you? ‘A trip to China sounds nice, if you tread lightly’?”
“It’s not that.”
“What is it, then?”
“—never mind.”
* * *
“All right, here we go. Any last thoughts before we begin?”
I tried to shake my head, but the restraints held my skull firmly in place.
“No,” I said, through clenched teeth. “All set.”
The technician patted me on the shoulder, pressed a button on the side of the machine, and left the room. Slowly, the table I was lying on slid inward, pulled by some mechanism I couldn’t see.
It was Tuesday—the fourth day after my brief encounter with the Finnish Common Endeavor, and the fifth after my resurrection.
Well. It was actually two months, or something, since my resurrection. But it had been five days since I’d woken up.
I was back at the hospital in Tampere, under the watchful eyes of Sofia, Dr. Koskinen, and his neuroscientist colleague, who had introduced himself as “lääkäri Hernesniemi, no relation.”
It had been a long weekend. Ante had refused to leave me unsupervised, first staging a sleepover on Friday night with Elias and Juhani and then locking me into Petra’s room on Saturday—after secretly sealing up the window and stuffing towels in the cracks under the doors. Sofia had finally figured out that something was up on Sunday morning, which had led to a shouting match with lots of how could you keep this from me and well, look how you behaved once you knew and so forth.
In the aftermath, it had come out that I was having seizures whenever I demorphed, and Sofia had immediately gotten on the phone to her brother to schedule an examination. She’d spent the rest of Sunday mothering me, and then Ante had stayed home from school on Monday, “in case I needed anything.”
It actually ended up being a pretty good day—by that point, Ante had started to let his guard down a little due to sheer exposure, despite his ongoing diligent suspicion. We spent most of the morning talking about the war, with him filling me in on the post-Ventura timeline and me doing a one-on-one ask-me-anything about the Animorphs.
It turned out that the Common Endeavor was not, as I’d first thought, some all-consuming retool of the entire Finnish economy into a gigantic war machine. It was more like a new mission statement, a kind of wartime version of the general sisu attitude—after the bombing at the peace conference in Japan, the new prime minister had given a speech urging everybody to set aside their differences and pull together, and each local polity had figured out what that meant for itself. Some were basically just business as usual, while others were cranking up food production or manufacturing output. Most of them weren’t ditching the entire school curriculum in favor of teaching eight-year-olds how to make bombs—
“Not bombs,” Ante reminded me. “It doesn’t explode.”
“I know, you must be real broken up about that, right?”
—but some, especially the more isolated ones in the far north, were going full guerilla warfare.
“Do they really think that’ll help?” I’d asked.
Ante shrugged. “Probably not, but the alternative is to just sit around and wait, so.”
That afternoon, we’d met up with Elias and Juhani and gone shooting out in the open country. Ante even brought down a goose and let me acquire it, though the three of them absolutely refused to let me morph it on the spot.
I could tell that he wanted me to be a good guy, in the end—if for no reason other than so that he could brag about having intimate insider knowledge of what Marco Levy was really like. But I had increasingly-not-even-begrudging respect for the way he was steeling himself against future betrayal. He kept me out of his room entirely, spoke only in Finnish and—I was pretty sure—Swedish when making plans with Elias and Juhani, and—as I found out only thanks to some careless comments from Sofia—had even misled me about which section of the surrounding woods was “past the fence.” Apparently it was a local term that referred specifically to the wilderness on the northeast side of the lähiö, while Ante’s ambush had been in the ravine to the west.
He’d even managed to not-react in the moment when Sofia gave it away; I only found out later that they’d fought about it afterward, and only because Sofia straight-up told me. She thought his attempts at spycraft were adorable, and responded to them with a mixture of light-hearted mockery and patronizing tolerance; as I watched him glower and sink lower and lower in his seat, I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. It had been a long time since I’d had to put up with condescension, and it almost—
—almost—
—made me want to pull some kind of evil shenanigan, just so the kid would have a chance to say I told you so.
But instead, I limited myself to dropping casual hints, telling offhand stories about how this-or-that careless mistake led to various forms of disaster, including—here, I was taking a little bit of license—the one that had led to my own death. It made a difference, after a while, though I was sure Sofia was holding back more than really changing her mind. The war was very far away, after all.
Other than chatting with Ante—and finally confirming that yes, there had in fact been an incident with a gorilla in a supermarket outside of Scottsdale, Arizona—I’d spent most of my time quietly daring myself to acknowledge what had happened in Ventura—to work up the nerve to face it head-on, with shields down and armor off. I still hadn’t really managed it—I’d spent a few hours crying, here and there, but always in a generic sort of way that steered well clear of thoughts like Mom is dead or my whole childhood neighborhood is gone or I’ll never see Cassie again. Those thoughts were allowed only in the cold, emotionless moments, when I flooded my mind with things like Perspective and Resolve, and all of the fragile parts of me buried themselves so deep that they might as well have ceased to exist.
I’d morphed again exactly two more times—once on Saturday, and once on Monday, both in the small hours of the morning, in moments when the grief had threatened to break through the levies and I’d decided that—all in all—a seizure was the less risky option. The first time, I had recovered a memory of a quiet conversation with Jake, about the fact that Ax had started calling him ‘prince’ after becoming a voluntary Controller—
—which was a headline in and of itself; Koskinen hadn’t mentioned anything about that—
The second time, I’d been up somewhere high—the Rockies, maybe, or maybe the Ozarks; it had been during a cross-country flight and I hadn’t been paying much attention to which state I was over. There had been a remote mountain meadow with a beautiful blue lake, and five small, round, white boulders nestled in the grass—four of them clustered together, and one a little ways off to the side.
I had remembered wishing that I have a knife or a chisel, so that I could carve names into the rocks; remembered briefly wondering whether a Hork-Bajir’s blades could make a dent in the stone. But then I’d had the thought that it didn’t matter—that the point of a memorial was to remind people, and that there was no chance I would ever forget.
And then I had smiled. Smiled for a good ten memory-seconds, looking out over the quiet lake, before waking up back in the real world, my body covered in sweat and my bedsheets twisted around me.
It was jarring, that glimpse into the future—jarring to be, for a moment, someone whose grief had already gone quiet, was no longer a tsunami and was now just the constant gentle crash of waves on the shore. It was jarring to return from that moment—to drop back into the present and feel the calm evaporate, all the scars tearing open again.
I’d left it alone, since then—stuck to my own timeline, resisting the urge to sample from that other Rachel’s memories. But here, now, inside some giant machine in Koskinen’s hospital, it was time to try again.
“First scan almost complete,” said the voice of the technician, through the headphones he had placed over my ears. “Two more minutes, and we’ll be ready for phase two.”
I was still in my real body, held in place by tight, form-fitting restraints that were meant to keep me still during the anticipated seizure. The idea was for Koskinen and Hernesniemi to get a baseline look at my brain, then record both the morph and the demorph, and then take a second, comparative scan once it was all over. They had no idea what they were looking for, or whether they would find anything of interest, but it was the obvious place to start.
I’d never been in one of these machines before—wasn’t even sure what it was, an MRI or a CT or a PET or whatever—and the claustrophobia wasn’t exactly helped by the straps and panels holding my arms and legs in place. It was cold, too, and loud—the headphones were the wrap-around, noise-cancelling kind, and they’d given me earplugs too, just to be safe.
They’d said that the whole test would take maybe an hour—twenty minutes for the initial scan and twenty for the final, plus a shorter scan while I was in morph to see if the morphing tech left any kind of signature they would be able to pick up. Apparently they’d already tried looking for it with one kind of detector, with Koskinen himself in the machine, and now they wanted to try something else.
Under other circumstances, it could have been fun—could have been fascinating, like finally learning how an engine works after being in cars your whole life. Koskinen had been full of words like synaptic potential and hippocampus and predictive processing; he’d shown me some of the printouts of his own brain mid-morph and said a bunch of stuff I hadn’t understood at all about how the control tissue interfaced with various neurotransmitters. It was the sort of stuff that Jake and Marco and the rest of us had never had the chance to stop and think about, what with the constant pressure of the invasion.
But I wasn’t here for the joy of discovery. I was here because something was wrong, something that might be slowly killing me, and lying there, locked inside the machine, it was hard not to dwell on the fact that the nearest qualified technician was about ten thousand light-years away.
“All right, Rachel,” said the technician. “We are ready for the morph. Go ahead whenever you can.”
And then, ninety seconds later—
“Thank you, Rachel. Please hold still for phase three.”
It’s going to be fine, I tried to tell myself, even as another part of my brain was muttering about seizures and cancers and strokes, those people who’d had massive brain injuries and woken up with no memories, or with completely different personalities—
I mean, there’s an obvious cure, right? If it is killing you? You just—don’t morph anymore.
Yeah. Except—
It was strange to realize just how much the morphing tech had become a part of me, a part of my life—so much so that imagining life without it was like imagining life without my legs. I’d always been confused by those people who had a heart attack or whatever, and were told that they would die if they didn’t stop eating hamburgers, and kept eating hamburgers anyway—it hadn’t been the sort of thing I could imagine myself doing.
But really—to never again take to the skies? Never again feel the power of the elephant or the gorilla or the tiger? Never again feel what it was like to put on someone else’s face, dip into someone else’s memory?
You’re more than just the morphing power, I reminded myself sternly. The human race needs you, whether you can turn into a cat or not. The war needs you.
But if it wasn’t for the war—
With my family gone, with my life in ruins—
It wasn’t like I was suicidal, or anything. I just—
I could see it. That’s all I’m saying. It wasn’t completely impossible to imagine.
I made the connection, then—was surprised that I hadn’t made it before—that the morphing power had given me something like the freedom of a Yeerk. A Yeerk that managed to get out of the pool, anyway—a Yeerk with a host. And just as I was reluctant to give it up—
“All right, Rachel. Thank you for your patience. We are ready for phase four. You may demorph whenever you are ready.”
I took a deep breath in through my nose, the cold, metallic air searing my nostrils. They’d given me a muscle relaxant before strapping me down, but even taking that into account, I wasn’t looking forward to how I was going to feel on the other side.
No point in putting it off, though.
Letting the air out with a sigh, I focused.
Me, I thought, along with the vague hodgepodge of images that usually fueled my demorph—how my hair looked in the mirror, how I felt after a workout, how my hands and feet and breasts looked from above—
“David. I’m sorry, okay? I know how this is going to sound, and I’m sorry, but I gotta ask, and I gotta hear you say it.” I took a step toward him—noting the subtle flinch, the way he straightened just a little bit, his free hand tensing—and looked him square in the eye. “Did you kill him on purpose? I mean, like—could you have just left? While he was knocked over?”
David said nothing—just stood there like a statue.
“I mean, geez—he was obviously beating the crap out of you, okay? And I—”
I swallowed. “I’ve killed people before,” I said softly. “In morph, just like this. Sometimes it—sometimes it’s—sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes there’s no other way. I’m not blaming you, okay? But I’ve got to know.”
He stared at me for a long moment, his one eye wide and piercing green. “It happened just like I said,” he whispered.
Fear. Guilt. Panic. Shock. The hint of a tremor, like he was maybe about to cry.
He didn’t sound like he was lying.
But what did I know?
Just that Marco said we wanted him, and that his dad had been a drunk, abusive menace.
And that we had three weeks left before the world ended. Three weeks to try to find—and kill—the architect of this entire war.
Or something.
“All right,” I said slowly. “Look. This is bad. I don’t know how it will fly with the others. But—”
My eyes traced over the scene again. If he had done all of this on purpose—
I tried to imagine Jake, being beaten to within an inch of his life. Whether I’d blame him, if he took it this far. Or Marco. Or Tobias, or Garrett, or Tom, or Ax. I could certainly see myself in David’s shoes, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to judge other people by my moral compass when I wasn’t all that confident in it myself.
Cassie—Cassie would never do it, never endorse it. I could hear the ghost of her objection rising in my mind—talking about rules you didn’t break, lines you didn’t cross, the difference between good and evil.
But you don’t win wars by being good—
“—okay on our end, Rachel. We’re going to pull you out for a safety check. I remind you to please only get up if you must—if you are fine we’re going to tuck you right back in for the final scan—”
I didn’t move. My muscles ached, but no worse than they had any of the other times. My nose was bloody, but that, too, was starting to feel normal.
Something had changed, though—in the moment of transition, the split-second between seeing the world through the eyes of Rachel A and seeing the world through the eyes of Rachel B—
A hand tugged the headphones off one of my ears.
“Blink twice, please, if you are good to continue for the final phase?”
I blinked twice, distracted, hardly caring what came next. The technician resettled the headphones, gave me a thumbs-up, and pushed the button that sent me sliding slowly back into the machine.
Okay, I thought. Nice and slow.
It had happened in the changeover, the handoff from one Rachel to the other.
WHAT had happened? I asked myself—gently, as if I were talking to a kindergartener.
Well, nothing, really. It’s just that that’s when I noticed it.
One of the things that had been bothering me about—about the other Rachel—was how very different from me she seemed. Or like, not “very” different, but different in subtle ways that felt—
Crucial. Central. Important. I was picking up on it more and more each time I demorphed, each time I thought back to all the earlier vision-memories.
There was the way she was so much more settled about Mom and Sara and Jordan and Cassie, of course—that was what had first caught my attention.
But there was also the way that she seemed to have caught feelings for Marco, and the way that she seemed to be pulling away from Jake, and—and—and something about her attitude toward the worst of it, the death and the pain and the hard decisions, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there was something there that didn’t feel like me.
Except that it was me, more and more. Bit by bit. I mean, that Rachel—the memory-Rachel—she had started out just like me. Had become the way she was through her experiences, and each little memory was a micro-experience of its own, complete with ready-made reactions. Already it felt less strange than it had, to watch myself acting out her responses, even though the visions seemed to be pushing further and further into the divergent future.
And I had worried about that, a little. Worried about letting it happen automatically, at least—about just falling into becoming exactly the same kind of person as that other Rachel. More and more, I’d been looking back on the vision-memories with a critical eye, wondering which lessons to take to heart, which conclusions to cast aside. Which moves I thought would probably turn out to have been mistakes, assuming I ever got to follow up on them.
That was how I’d been thinking about it, until—
It had come to me right in the instant of transition, like one of those old Magic Eye pictures suddenly switching from nonsense into a full, 3D picture. You don’t win wars by being good, the other Rachel had thought to herself, and I had started to object, to form some long and complicated response like but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, when suddenly the ground had shifted out from under me.
Why do I think that MY memories are “mine” and hers are “someone else’s”?
It wasn’t quite the “fake Jake” problem that Jake had told me about. I didn’t feel like a fake Rachel—like I wasn’t me, or anything like that.
It was more like, suddenly I wasn’t sure what the whole “me” thing even meant.
Like, whether it was a random malfunction of the morphing tech, or something wrong with my brain, or some kind of sick puppetmaster screwing with me, somehow I was being funneled these memories, and they were kind of changing who I was, as a person, in a way that I didn’t have full control over, and some other part of me had been watching that happen and had opinions about it, and I had kind of been rolling with the assumption that that person was me, only I’d just sort of—
Seen her from the outside, or something? Like if you woke up one day and your body was out in front of you, video game style. I’d noticed the noticer, which meant that the noticer wasn’t really me, which ordinarily would just be, like, yeah, sure, you want to get all existential up in here with some weird philosophy stuff that doesn’t actually matter because we all know what the color red is—
Only now, with this morph-vision-memory situation, it kind of seemed like maybe it did matter.
Not the color red, I mean. But the question of—
I don’t know. I had feelings about how I’d been changing, felt like some of the changes were good and some of the changes were bad, like I was a sculptor comparing each new chisel-mark against the grand vision.
But who was the sculptor, and why was it her vision we were following?
Why did I trust my own opinion on who-I-should-be-trying-to-be?
Where had that vision come from?
And one step further—
Is Rachel Berenson even a real person?
I hadn’t met anybody who knew me, since waking up. All I knew is that Koskinen told me that Jake and Marco and Tobias and Ax had been there, that they’d showed up with me and Garrett in tow. And Garrett was in a coma. Everyone else was meeting me for the first time—strangers, all of them—and the hometown I remembered was gone, vaporized, my backstory impossible to check—conveniently—
Slow down, girl.
Not Marco’s voice this time, but Cassie’s—soothing, caring, understanding.
There were movies, I’d seen movies, Jason Bourne or whatever, the main character wakes up in a hospital and can’t remember who they are, but those movies had skipped over the real question, the more dangerous question—if you woke up in a hospital why would you assume you were who you thought you were? When people’s whole personalities could change just because they got a nail shoved through their brain?
Slow down. Slow down and breathe.
I tried. Tried, because the person that I was trusted that Cassie—
—that my memories of Cassie, the cardboard cutout imaginary Cassie that I’d built inside my head off of those memories—
—that Cassie was smart, sometimes smarter than me, and that me imagining her voice was my brain’s way of putting on the brakes, keeping me from blowing a gasket—
Ahem. You were going to try something?
Right.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
In.
Okay.
Okay.
I felt a little better.
There was this bucket that I had—this mental bucket, in my head—labeled “yeah, but there’s nothing I can do about that either way, so.” It was where I dropped stuff like maybe we’re all in the Matrix and maybe there’s a God and maybe free will doesn’t really exist and you just think it does.
And it had occurred to me—while I was taking my own advice, filtered through my inner Cassie—that a good chunk of this belonged in that bucket. Like, if I was being tricked somehow—if some mad scientist had made me up and put a bunch of fake memories in my head—it wasn’t like recognizing the possibility gave me any new threads to pull on. Keep it in mind, keep my eyes open for anything suspicious, and otherwise—
Chuck it in the bucket.
But the sculptor thing—
The sculptor thing did not belong in the bucket. There was a real question there, one that mattered, that would make a difference in my future decisions. I didn’t know the answer to it yet, but—
I’d spent most of my life focused on the sculpture. On the person that I was, the person right in front of me when I looked in the mirror. I’d been trying to be the best Rachel Berenson I could be, without ever exactly thinking of it in those terms—had been, unconsciously, trying to live up to some hidden set of blueprints, hit some preconceived target.
Rachel Berenson is good at gymnastics.
Rachel Berenson isn’t afraid.
Rachel Berenson is as good as any boy.
Rachel Berenson is someone you’d want on your apocalypse team.
I’d been using those same blueprints to judge the memory-Rachel—had been grading her against them, sorting her actions into good and bad and ??? based upon them.
But memory-Rachel had her own set of blueprints, and they were different from mine. Had changed, since the moment when we’d been the same person—had mutated, evolved. And they’d done so without her noticing—when I was inside her head, she still thought of herself as Rachel. The same Rachel she’d always been, not some off-brand Rachel spinoff.
But her sculptor wanted something different than mine. Cringed at a slightly different set of things than mine did, was shaping her to be someone slightly different than the person I was trying to become. Was more willing to forgive, and shaping herself to be more forgiving. Was more willing to kill, and shaping herself to be more comfortable with that, too. Had different thoughts about the other Animorphs, was growing closer to some and further from others in ways that didn’t quite make sense to me.
And that—
I don’t know. I didn’t have a conclusion. I didn’t even really have a question.
But it seemed like something I really ought to think about.
* * *
“So you’re saying you don’t really know.”
“That’s a little oversimplified. We were able to track the seizure activity, and confirm that it seems to originate in the hippocampus and the amygdala, with the sympathetic activity in the other parts of the brain being something like aftershocks. This is pretty unusual in itself, and deserves—”
“Is it going to kill me?”
“There’s no scarring or abnormally suppressed brain activity—yet. And comparison between the before and after images didn’t show anything at first glance. But we’re going to need more time to process the results, and I’d really like to do some more tests, as long as you’re here—”
* * *
“—starting some war-games next week, capture the flag and stuff. Mostly in the woods behind the school. So we spent third period scouting out the territory, making plans and so forth.”
“How’s that going to work, with eight hundred of you?”
“They’re going to group us by age. Ten-elevens, twelve-thirteens, fourteens-and-up. Each group is going to be broken up into four units that’ll fight each other, six games in all. I’m not sure what they’re doing for the little ones.”
We were sitting around the dinner table in the Niskas’ apartment, me and Ante and Sofia. There was pea soup, and dark rye bread with butter, and black coffee, and some kind of pancake thing covered in jam.
“Okay, what about fourth period?” Sofia asked.
“They combined fourth and fifth, actually,” Ante said. “There was this guest speaker from America—she was meeting with some bigwig in Estonia and came up for the day as a personal favor to Mr. Sotala. She had these mental techniques, little step-by-step algorithms to help you think through your plans, figure out what you really want and how best to get it, avoid pitfalls, stuff like that. It was funny—she kept calling the pitfalls ‘failure modes.’ We had to translate for the little ones.”
“That took up both hours?”
Ante shook his head. “No, that was just the first half hour or so. We spent the rest of the time getting into and out of fights.”
“Fights?”
“Disagreements. Arguments. She had these sort of—I guess you would call them alerts? Triggers? For noticing when a conversation isn’t going anywhere, or recognizing that you’re starting to get mad at each other instead of talking about a thing. It was practice for having fights that don’t end up with one person storming out of the room.”
“So, school was good, then?” asked Sofia, glancing over at me. “No—incidents?”
I shook my head. “It was fine,” I said. “Same as yesterday. The muscle relaxants work, so I can demorph in the bathroom.”
“You’re still having the seizures, though?”
I nodded. Sofia shook her head, muttering darkly in Finnish under her breath. Ante snorted, droplets of pea soup splattering on the table, and Sofia shook her napkin at him like it was a flyswatter.
“I don’t like all of this risk that you’re taking,” she said, out loud. “And the nosebleeds. Are you sure you can’t just go in your own body?”
“She doesn’t speak the language, mom.”
“You could translate for her.”
Ante rolled his eyes, and I cleared my throat. “Uh,” I said. “Actually—Ms. Niska—”
“Sofia, please.”
“—I was thinking about not going anymore.”
Sofia fixed me with an extremely grownup sort of look. I was surprised at how effective it was at making me squirm.
“It’s been seven days since I woke up,” I pointed out. “My friends have got to come back soon, and even if they don’t, Garrett could wake up at any moment, and even if he doesn’t—especially if he doesn’t—I can’t just—”
I glanced over at Ante’s face and immediately abandoned the second half of my sentence.
Can’t just sit here doing nothing.
“—impose on your hospitality forever,” I said, recovering. “At some point, I have to work out my next move.”
I flinched, a little, at the words have to. But it was true—I was going crazy, sitting around in the Niska’s apartment, going to school like a regular kid. I needed action, forward motion, like a shark—had been morphing and demorphing more than I had to, just to get a contact high off of the other Rachel’s memories.
It wasn’t narcissism—at least, not totally. Part of it was a way of coping, of keeping myself from going in circles over and over about my sisters, my mother, my best friend, the people in the cages. Like a dog chewing on shoes—it was easier to get my brain to do something else than to just get it to stop.
And part of it was the knowledge—
—the absolute certainty—
—that there were things out there that needed to be done, opportunities that were dribbling away. That the war was moving forward with or without me, and that I couldn’t just keep sitting around expecting someone else to take care of it.
I mean, I ‘could.’
But I couldn’t.
“You are only fourteen,” Sofia said softly, interrupting my thoughts.
I didn’t respond.
I knew that nothing I could say to her would help. The Finns were remarkably, shockingly willing to put faith in their kids—letting them wander the lähiö alone, letting them carry guns and knives, teaching them how to make thermite. At fifteen, Ante had more agency and autonomy than most eighteen-year-olds back in Ventura.
But they still thought of kids as kids. Still didn’t quite see us as people, still assumed they knew better, still expected us to obey. Sofia wouldn’t knowingly let a fourteen-year-old live on her own—would be reluctant to let a fourteen-year-old leave on her own, might have tried to lay down the law already if it hadn’t been for the combination of the morphing power and her brother’s influence.
All in all, it was better to drop it than to pick a fight. She had been nice to me—extraordinarily nice. The least I could do in return was not rub her face in it.
I looked up from my soup to see her wiping her own bowl with a piece of bread, soaking up the last few drops. “What would you do instead?” she asked. “Tomorrow, I mean.”
“Don’t know,” I answered, because use the goose morph your son helped me get to break into the Ähtäri Zoo and acquire a bunch of wild animals didn’t seem like the right thing to say, either.
Sofia’s lip curled disapprovingly, but she said nothing. Across the table, Ante speared one of the pancakes with his fork, dragged it over onto his plate.
“And you, Ante?” she asked, after a long pause. “What’s on the schedule for tomorrow?”
“Food day,” he mumbled, his mouth half-full. “Foraging in the morning, first and second period. Cultivating third. Preserving fourth—I think we’re smoking jerky. And we’re having lunch early so we can go out in hunting parties in the afternoon. We’re taking the eight-year-olds for the first time, this week.”
“Home for dinner?”
“Maybe. I thought that I’d—”
He broke off, his eyes flickering toward me for the briefest of instants.
“—go down to the city sauna with Elias and Juhani and Liam.”
Sofia snorted. “You mean, stay out in the woods working on your secret project.”
“Mom!”
“Ante’s building a spaceship,” Sofia said, turning back to me, her sing-song voice just a shade too sharp to qualify as totally good-natured. “Him and those other two. They’ve been working on it since summer—must have spent five hundred Euros on broken computer parts by now—”
“Mom!”
Sofia laughed airily as Ante’s face turned red, his hands trembling. I looked back and forth between the two of them, unsure what to do, whether to say anything—
Vvvvvvvvvm. Vvvvvvvvvm. Vvvvvvvvvm.
Ante and his mother locked eyes, and she tilted her head. “No phones at the table,” she warned.
If anything, the boy’s face got even darker as he stood, deliberately knocking his stool over behind him and taking two large, theatrical steps over to the carpet. “En ole pöydässä, rakas äiti,” he hissed, before lifting the phone up to his ear. “Moro?”
I looked back at Sofia, paralyzed by the sudden tension. If it had been my mother—
Flinch.
—if it had been my mother, the next move would have been to lay low, keep quiet, not do anything to paint a target on my own head—
There was a crash, and my head snapped around.
Ante had lunged for the TV, tripping over the corner of the sofa and falling to the floor, his phone flying off into a corner of the room—
“Ante!” Sofia shouted.
But Ante was fine, was already back on his feet, had turned on the television and was hammering away at the remote.
“Ante, what—”
He snapped something in Finnish, and I turned back just in time to see Sofia’s eyes widen, her mouth dropping open. Beside her, a spoon tumbled to the floor with a clatter; she ignored it completely.
“What—” I began, but Ante cut me off.
“Morph,” he ordered. “No time to translate.”
The screen now showed what looked like a local news program, with a pair of talking heads sitting in front of a zoomed-in photo of a sliver-crescent moon.
Eyes open, I concentrated on Aino, feeling the familiar tingle as Sofia stepped past me and sank down onto the couch, as Ante continued to watch from the floor, kneeling on the rug just inches away from the screen.
The moon-picture was filling the frame, now, the news anchors relegated to voice-over. There were circles appearing on the image, and arrows, singling out tiny spots of light, what looked to be the dimmest of stars. The picture shifted, then shifted back, the moon staying constant while the specks changed position. Then the scene switched to a shot of an observatory, one of those giant domed buildings with a telescope poking out—
Sofia and Ante were talking, talking over the voices still coming from the television, talking over each other, a rapid back and forth that was tight and tense and yet somehow flat, with none of the anger or levity of the conversation that had come before. Over in the corner, Ante’s phone buzzed again, unheeded.
“—beyond a shadow of a doubt. The visual data, combined with the seismic data provided by the Americans, corroborate the message that we received twelve minutes ago—”
The words snapped into comprehensibility as my own brain finished transforming into Aino’s.
“—can’t say as of yet what this will mean for the future of human-Yeerk relations, or for the Europa mission that was set to launch just two days from now. Thus far, no government has reported receiving any communications or attempted communications from space, although receivers around the world continue to listen—”
“What happened?” I whispered in Finnish, but Ante didn’t look, just raised a hand and made a chopping motion, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him.
“—for those of you just tuning in, we repeat that, twelve minutes ago, a variety of corporations, governments, and major news organizations began reporting that they had received email correspondence claiming that the Yeerk mothership, long rumored to be hiding in cloak behind the moon, has been entirely destroyed in an act of mutinous sabotage, leaving no survivors. As of this moment, we have no available information regarding the source of the emails, which seem to have originated in more than one place and are signed simply YEM—”
Ante’s fist flew into the air in a gesture of triumph.
“—as for the claims made in the email, again—observers in both hemispheres have confirmed that there is an expanding cloud of debris originating behind the moon, and that seismic devices placed on the lunar surface by the Americans in 2023 confirm multiple of small-to-medium impacts beginning approximately eleven minutes ago—”
The mothership.
Destroyed.
I wasn’t thinking, wasn’t responding, wasn’t even there in the ordinary sense. For the moment, I was just a recording device—passive, entranced, hypnotized, every speck of attention focused on absorbing the words and images coming out of the television.
“—Japan joins the governments of America, Spain, and Brazil in making available an officially verified copy of the messages they received. Thus far, there appears to be no difference between the messages sent to governments and those sent to private organizations, and all of the different translations appear to convey roughly the same information, although translators and forensic linguists are already poring over the differences in the hopes of gleaning information about the author or authors—”
I couldn’t believe it.
“—announced a joint Sino-American mission using YF-Alpha, the alien-built vessel that famously circumnavigated the globe last May, to make observations of the far side of the moon, possibly as soon as three hours from now, thanks to efforts from American President Donna Marina to fast-track negotiations with her counterparts in Beijing. Meanwhile, the long-anticipated Europa mission has been reassigned to YF-Gamma, the first human-built starship, completed in Germany three weeks ago—”
It was like—
“—riotous celebrations already beginning in Los Angeles and São Paulo, among others—”
It was like—
“—several as-yet unsubstantiated reports of smaller unidentified spacecraft making landings at or near the Edwards Air Force Base in the American state of California—”
It was like if we’d woken up that morning, back in Ventura, to see that the Yeerk pool had exploded, all on its own, without any help from us.
A secret human military mission?
Visser Three covering his tracks again?
It couldn’t actually be mutiny—could it? Would the whole ship have just—just—
“—just in, yle’s editors have approved an on-air reading of the email document, tentatively being referred to as the Conclamatum ad arma. For those of you just joining us, we repeat: the following is a copy of a document which surfaced around the world in ten languages approximately eighteen minutes ago; we are currently working on producing a Finnish translation but in the meantime, here it is in English—”
I felt my body lean forward all on its own, saw Ante’s shoulders tense.
“‘Act now,’” read the news anchor, holding up a single printed sheet. “‘Act now. The coalescion of Telor, in command of the only Yeerk capital ship in this system, acting in memoriam of the people of Ventura and the coalescion of Aftran, and in conjunction with the people of Earth, has this very minute destroyed itself and all war materiel under its direct control. Repeat: as of 16:37 GMT on this day of October 7th, the mothership hidden behind Earth’s moon has been completely destroyed by its own crew, acting in defiance of their commanding officer, the war criminal Visser Three, in the hopes of delaying his plans for the conquest and exploitation of Earth, and in vengeance for the murder of their brethren in the Ventura disaster of May 15th, and in atonement for the deaths of some 607,892 humans in that same event.”
There was a dread silence in the room—a silence even in the newsroom, conveyed somehow along with the anchor’s words—a sense of tectonic plates shifting, the building blocks of reality changing their alignment. I could feel a sort of thrumming tension in my bones, in my skin, a mounting vibration that would eventually be too great to contain.
“‘Act now,’” the anchor repeated. “‘Act now. If all has gone according to plan, Telor’s sacrifice has bought humanity temporary military supremacy within this system. In addition to the destruction of the mothership and three of its remaining Bug fighters, we estimate an eighty-five percent chance that Visser Three himself has been rendered temporarily ineffective, and a fifteen percent chance that he has been eliminated outright. Regardless, mainline Yeerk reinforcements are inbound, and will arrive in-system between five and eight days from now. Reconfigure your assets, take control of your borders, launch sustainable arks, set up mobile response units. If possible, dispatch overwhelming military force to the planet Mars, where you will find a significant stockpile of confiscated Earth military technology awaiting export in the Kasei Valles, north of Sacra Mensa.’”
A sense of unreality began creeping in around the edges, as if I was in the middle of a dream and just now starting to realize it. The letter was telling us to evacuate the planet. To invade Mars.
“‘Act now,’” the anchor said again, sweat beading visibly on his forehead. “‘Act now, for there is no one left to act for you. Act now, for now is all that is guaranteed. Act now, and whatever happens, do not forget that Telor, too, was Yeerk.’”
The anchor lowered the paper, looking ashen. “It’s signed ‘YEM,’” he said.
“YEM, of course, being the abbreviation of the so-called ‘Yeerk-in-hand’ organization,” said the other anchor, picking up the thread. “Rumored to be made up of voluntary Controllers acting in resistance to the larger Yeerk body politic. As of yet, there is still no official confirmation that any such group exists, although certainly the timing of this message in conjunction with events taking place in orbit around the moon indicates a degree of logistical sophistication that—”
Outside, it was like I was outside looking in, like everything was happening inside of a zoo exhibit, through thick glass, untouchable. Like the way my grandparents talked about JFK, or the way my dad talked about 9/11—like there was nothing to be done, that was just the way the world was, reality was something that happened to you, not something you interacted with—
I had to get out of there. I had to do something, couldn’t just sit back and passively observe—had to figure out how I could plug into things, since at the moment I had no idea. I felt my body straighten—
“Ante.”
I twitched at the unexpected sound, coming from an unexpected direction—hadn’t even noticed that Sofia had stood, and stepped away—had planted herself in front of the apartment door.
Ante stood, too—slowly, his face wild and somehow empty at the same time.
“Ante, please—”
He took a step toward her.
“Ante, please, stay here, don’t—don’t go running out into the dark—”
Another step.
“Ante, you’re fifteen, there’s nothing you can do—”
Another step. I felt detached, floating—like I was watching the pair of them through another screen, infinitely far away, unable to do anything—
“I’m not alone, mom,” Ante said, his voice as hard as diamond. “And Visser Three doesn’t care that I’m fifteen. They took an entire high school in Ventura, before the meteor hit.”
I blinked. That story wasn’t in common knowledge, not even among conspiracy theorists. I had told him about that—
“Ante—”
Another step, and then he was there, right there in front of her, toe to toe. He reached out with both arms—
Embraced.
He hugged her, and for the first time I noticed how much taller he was—she wasn’t a short woman but he was taller, couldn’t quite rest his chin atop her head but had turned his head to the side and was resting his cheek.
“Ante,” she whispered, and I could hear that she was fighting back tears. “My boy, my little boy, it doesn’t have to be you, why does it have to be you?”
“I love you, mom,” he answered, squeezing harder.
I felt—
Naked.
Even though I was just sitting there—even though they were the ones who were exposed, the ones having this deep, intimate moment while a stranger stared at them—
Still. I wanted to hide. To cover up. To run, if there had been any place to run to.
But I didn’t move.
“Trouble will come soon enough,” Sofia said. “Why do you have to—to go out and look for it—”
“You heard the message,” Ante said, drawing back from the hug, but keeping his arms on her shoulders. “We can beat them, as long as we actually try. As long as we don’t just shrug and go back to everyday jobs, everyday life, act like this isn’t happening.”
“A thousand kilometers away,” Sofia sniffed.
Ante laughed, then—a real laugh, open and full of warmth. “Just say you love me, mom. You don’t have to pretend to be stupid.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. And I have to go.”
He moved her gently to the side—she let him, helped him, took a step herself so he didn’t have to push. He bent down and picked up his phone—walked to the door—knelt—began putting on his shoes.
“You understand, don’t you?” Sofia asked quietly.
“Yes.”
And then, with a note of vulnerability that suddenly made him seem much younger, like maybe Garrett’s age—
“You understand too, right?”
She nodded. “It’s just—”
He stood, shrugging on his coat—stood there not quite looking her in the eye.
“I know you’ll be back tonight,” she said, her voice unmistakably steady-on-purpose. “I know that. But the way you’re going—I don’t know which night will be the night when I don’t know—I don’t know how many nights we have left. With your sister at least I knew when she was leaving—”
Ante said nothing, didn’t move a muscle, and suddenly I knew what he was thinking, knew exactly what he was holding back from saying aloud—
If it’s the not-knowing that hurts, maybe I should just go now.
“Don’t,” I said, my voice much louder than I intended.
They both looked at me like they’d forgotten I was there, Ante’s eyebrows furrowing—
“Don’t,” I repeated, more softly.
We stared at each other for a long moment, and then he shrugged. “No niin,” he said. Then he turned to Sofia—
“I’ll see you tonight, mom,” he said. “I love you.”
* * *
“He’s cracking,” I said quietly.
“You think I don’t know that?” Marco snapped. “I’m not blind.”
I shot him a sidelong look.
He sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered.
We were both silent for a moment, our eyes tracing around the darkened room—the neat rows of desks, the papers covering the walls, the grid of cubbies by the door. We’d left the lights off, for obvious reasons, but there was enough light to see by streaming in through the windows from the streetlamps outside.
I hadn’t really thought about school, since that last disastrous day in Ventura. Hadn’t thought about the impact of everything going public—of Visser Three showing up in Washington, of Marco’s broadcast.
But looking around the room, everything seemed—normal. Familiar. Cursive letters in a banner over the dry erase board, a little reading nook over in the corner, gold stars next to kids’ names on a poster on the wall. Even a shiny-looking apple on the teacher’s desk.
It was like nothing had changed. Like all the teachers and parents of Mojave had gotten together and agreed to pretend like nothing was going on, to maintain business as usual.
I wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than the alternative.
“Thing is,” Marco said abruptly. “Thing is, there isn’t anything we can do about it.”
I turned to look at him, the side of his face silhouetted against the window as he continued to stare out into the night.
“Are you cracking?” I asked.
He snorted. “Yes. Obviously. Aren’t you?”
I was quiet for a minute, considering.
“What am I saying, of course you aren’t. You like this.”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He turned to look at me in the dim light, eyes shining out of the dark shadow under his brow. “Tell me that if this was all over tomorrow, you wouldn’t be even a little bit disappointed,” he said.
“That’s not fair.”
“Tough shit. Life’s not fair. Which you know damn well by now, if you didn’t already.”
There was another silence.
“It’s not what you think,” I said finally.
“What?”
“Me—liking it,” I said, forcing the words out one by one. “It’s not about—”
“Stop,” he cut in. “I know. I’ve been inside your head, remember?”
“Then why’d you say it like that?” I demanded. “Throw-it-in-her-face style?”
He shrugged. “Because I’m cracking,” he answered. “We all are, except for you.”
* * *
“Kuka siellä?” called a high, nervous voice. Elias, I was pretty sure.
“It’s me,” I called back, in English. “Rachel.”
There was a moment’s pause.
“Doesn’t sound like Rachel.”
Juhani.
“That’s because I’m in Ante’s body,” I said.
A much longer pause, this time, with lots of low muttering and several strident hisses.
“Why are you here?”
I opened my mouth—
“You,” Sofia said in English, after she finished drying her tears. “You know where he is going.”
“I don’t. Sorry.”
“But you can find him, yes?” she pressed. “Little warrior, little shapeshifter, little child fugitive. You can find my son?”
I hesitated, but not for long.
“Yes.”
“Then you go, and you help him. For my keeping of your secrets, for the roof over your head. You find my son, and you do whatever you can do.”
“I’m here to help,” I said.
More muffled argument. I shifted my feet, stamping in the cold. It was well past eight o’clock, the sky full dark, the temperature dropping quickly toward freezing. I was wearing Ante’s second-best set of warm clothes, but I’d forgotten to bring a hat.
“Come out,” said Ante’s voice.
I groped my way forward through the bushes, stumbling over a root as I stepped out into the clearing. It was barely any brighter in the open than it had been in the forest, the silver moon screened over by flat, colorless clouds.
“That’s my body,” Ante said, switching over to Finnish. He was carrying the rifle, but it was slung over his shoulder, not pointed at me.
Yet.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“You stole it,” he accused. “When?”
“Sunday night. When you dozed off while we were watching TV.”
“And then you spied on me,” he spat.
I nodded.
“Demorph,” he ordered. “Now.”
I shook my head. “Doesn’t work like that,” I said.
“You don’t have permission to use my body. I don’t consent.”
“I know.”
We stared at each other in the darkness.
“I could shoot you,” he said, his voice quieter.
“Big difference between could and would.”
He said nothing.
“The other day, when you guys were trying to decide whether or not to trust me, and you said you had an idea—”
“Yeah. So?”
It was my turn to say nothing. I looked over at the other two—no, wait, four—boys, sitting on rough-cut logs around the device in the center of the clearing, watching the two of us with inscrutable expressions.
“So, why didn’t you ask me?” I demanded.
“Because if you’d meant to, you would have already.”
I blinked. Ante’s voice had turned dull, leaden, hopeless—almost exactly the opposite of how he had sounded on his way out the door an hour and a half earlier.
“I don’t have the cube,” I said slowly. “Coma, remember?”
“Not just that,” he said. “When I asked you about your plans, what the next target is, what the other Animorphs are up to—”
“I don’t know any of that stuff—”
“So if you did, you’d have told me?” he snapped.
I started to reply, then caught myself.
“Look,” I began. “It’s not that simple, okay? It’s not that I don’t trust you—”
Ante laughed, and it was like the skeleton of the laugh he’d given his mother an hour earlier. I’d been going to say something like I just don’t have any way to use you, but something about the sound of it pulled me up short.
Danger, Rachel Berenson.
I decided to try a different tack. Turning away from Ante, I took a step toward the device.
All five boys stiffened.
“Sorry,” I said. “Um. May I?”
Ante looked at each of the other boys in turn, then stared at me for a long moment before shrugging.
I stepped closer.
It was a hodgepodge of parts, about the size of a large backpack. Even in the darkness I could see the exposed wiring, the mismatched paneling, the recycled household items. That wasn’t bad—it was supposed to look like that. It had been designed to be buildable on the cheap, as Ante’s memories had told me.
“Have you turned it on yet?” I asked.
Ante shook his head.
“But it’s still powered up, right?”
“Yeah.”
I nodded. Makes sense.
The device was—allegedly—a portable, wearable, one-way shield-and-hologram combo, cobbled together by some mad engineer ripping through the leaked Bug fighter schematics. According to the designs Ante had downloaded, it would create a one-meter-wide, two-meter-tall field directly in front of you—a field that would stop bullets and laserfire, move with you when you walked, and camouflage you perfectly from anything straight ahead.
There were no controls. No settings. Just a single on-off switch. The design had been stripped down to absolute bare bones, made as simple as humanly possible.
After all, the point was to publish something even teenagers could put together.
“I can test it,” I offered.
It was Juhani’s turn to laugh, this time—different from Ante’s laughter, high and mocking and hurtful, the sort of laugh I’d heard Marco make from time to time. I couldn’t tell for sure in the dark, but it looked like Ante’s hands had balled up into fists.
“What is this?” I asked.
Ante turned away as Juhani kept laughing.
“We’re scared it’s going to blow up,” Elias explained.
I knew that already, from Ante’s memories—they had held off for almost a week already, since confirming that the makeshift power pack had indeed reached full charge. They’d been afraid the device would melt, or explode, or generate the field in the wrong place and cut off someone’s arm or head.
But now, with everything that had happened—the mothership, the Conclamatum, the YEM—
“I can test it,” I repeated. “While everyone else is off at a safe distance. Even if it blows up, I can just demorph.”
“This you trying to get us far enough away that you can steal it? Or sabotage it?”
The words were empty, lifeless—like even Ante didn’t believe them, but was saying them because he had to, checking off a box.
“No,” I said, letting some of my impatience bleed through. “Turns out I did not, in fact, come all the way to Finland, creating a conspiracy to support me that includes both your uncle and your mom, not to mention spending two days in Scandinavian survival school, just so that I could trick a bunch of backyard Phineases and Ferbs out of their science project. I just figured I could push the button for you, so if something goes wrong nobody gets hurt.”
I don’t know what sort of response I expected, or if I’d even had time to form any expectations at all. But I was surprised by what I got, which was Ante just kind of slumping down in slow motion until he was lying completely flat on the ground, staring up at the charcoal sky.
I looked around at the other four boys. None of them met my eyes. Elias was staring at Ante. Juhani was staring off into space, still chuckling quietly to himself. It was too dark for me to say for sure who the other two were, but they were both staring at nothing, heads down, fingers picking idly at the weeds.
“What is this?” I repeated.
No one answered for a long time. I was just about to ask again—to start shouting—something—when—
“We did some goal factoring,” said Elias, his voice tinged with bitter sarcasm. “Before you showed up.”
Goal factoring—
“That thing the guest speaker was talking about?” I asked. “In fourth period?”
“Yeah.”
I waited.
“I don’t get it,” I said, after another ten or twenty seconds had passed.
“Mom was right,” Ante said, from the ground. “There’s nothing we can do. Not from way out here, not when we’re fifteen, not when the real players are going around dropping meteors and blowing up spaceships.”
I frowned. I couldn’t think of anything smart to say—
Then say something stupid.
“You, um. You’re kind of in a different mood than you were before. When you left the apartment, I mean.”
Ante gave another dead laugh. “Well, kind of a lot’s happened since then.”
“Like what?”
Ante didn’t answer. Eventually, Elias spoke up.
“We were too scared to turn it on.”
Okay, yeah, I already knew that, but—
Oh.
“We sat here for ten whole minutes, trying to psych up to it,” Ante said, still lying flat. “Or, well, some of us were trying.”
I looked around again. The other boys were still avoiding my eyes, and this time I thought I could read something like shame in their body language.
“And then I thought, fuck it, that’s not so bad, it’s good to be cautious, right? Not to take risks? So I started talking about getting some supplies together to go to Helsinki, instead. Try to synch up with Rollo’s cousin. But none of them wanted to leave the lähiö.”
My mind was racing ahead, putting the pieces together—how that would have landed, what would have happened next. Maybe I was cheating, sitting on top of a copy of Ante’s brain, but—
“So then you realized you didn’t want to go, either,” I said softly. “Not alone.”
Another dead laugh.
“I guess it’s all just a game,” Ante said, his voice still hollow. “It’s been a game this whole time, I just didn’t know. I was the only sucker who thought it was real.”
He propped himself up on his elbows, looked straight at me. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Uh.”
“And you’re not taking any of us with you.”
I didn’t say anything.
What could I say?
“You’re leaving, and you don’t even know where you’re going, you don’t even know what’s next, but you know there’s nothing we can do to help.”
With a sudden, swift motion, he rolled to his feet, stepped toward the device, reached out a hand—
I grabbed him by the wrist as the other boys leapt up, began backing slowly away.
“What is this?” I asked, for a third time. “You suicidal or something? All of a sudden?”
Ante shook his head. “No. It just doesn’t matter.”
“What doesn’t matter?”
“Me. Us. Any of this.”
He gestured—at the device, at the other boys, at the woods around us.
“Months, we’ve been working on this,” he continued. “This, and all the other shit. Archery. Dead reckoning. How to grow potatoes, how to build a fire. As if any of it matters. As if any of that’s going to be relevant, for this war. It’s just—it’s just theater, television, no different from teaching the little ones how to make termiittiä, they’re feeding us shit to keep us happy and out of the way. Even this—”
He tried to kick the device, and I tugged on his shirt, pulling him away, off-balance.
“Even this, it’s just more play-acting,” he said, yanking his arm free of my grip. “Even if it works—great, we’ll have one cobbled-together shield that works in one direction and lasts a whole eighty-one minutes before it needs three days to recharge. That’ll win the war.”
He twitched, lunging forward unexpectedly, faster than I could react, and flipped the switch.
Nothing happened.
“So there you go,” he said bitterly. “Two months and four hundred sixty-one Euros. How much you want to bet the plans aren’t even real?”
Once again, I didn’t know what to do. I groped around inside my head, looking for something to say, something that was both true and useful—
“It’s not about being the guy that fights the big battle,” I said, hoping as I started the sentence that it would have a point by the time I got to the end. “It’s about—it’s about how, if everybody pitches in, then we’re strong no matter where they try to hit us. We need you just as much as we need everybody else—”
“Shitsberries,” Ante spat. “This war is going to be over before it ever gets here, and you know it. That’s why you don’t want to stay. That’s why you’re here in the first place—your people needed someplace out of the way to lay low. Someplace your enemies would never bother to check. We’re the fucking Shire.”
I opened my mouth to give the automatic response, some obvious inspirational-poster garbage about Frodo and Sam—
Hey, uh. Maybe before you jump right to trying to reassure this kid, you take a minute to check whether he’s actually wrong? ‘Cause it would be pretty damn cruel to pull the wool back over his eyes, if what’s happening here is him seeing clearly for the first time.
“Do you really want to live outside the Shire?” I asked carefully, trying to pitch my voice so that it didn’t sound judgmental or pushy or anything like that. “Serious question. Because, like, um. I don’t know if you noticed. But. Pretty much everyone in my family is dead.”
I braced myself against the inevitable surge of emotion, kept my eyes fixed on Ante even as they filled with water. Ante seemed to be struggling to find words, chewing at his lip, his face twisting.
“I want to if it matters,” he said finally. “I want to know. Either there’s nothing I can do, so don’t bother, or here’s how you can actually help.”
I opened my mouth—
“And yeah, I know that basically nobody gets that kind of certainty, you can skip the lecture. It’s still true. I can’t just—just keep going to work, like my mom, I don’t know how she can stand it, when she knows it doesn’t matter anymore—”
I closed my mouth.
Is this Marco’s fault?
It was Marco who’d told the whole world to get ready—who’d told the whole world that they needed to get ready, that every little bit would count, in the end.
Uh, in my defense, we’re not AT the end yet, so you can’t really say I was wrong. Also, why are we giving such a substantial shit about the mental health of some random teenager in suburban Finland?
I looked at Ante, who had sunk back down to the ground, his head in his hands.
It was true, from a certain perspective—that this wasn’t worth worrying about, that even if you multiplied Ante’s emotional distress out across millions of teenagers all over the world, it was still probably the right price to pay, all things considered. Better to let down a handful of romantics than to let the whole world get caught with its pants down. And by any sane, objective measure, I had much, much more important things to spend my energy and attention on.
But at the same time—
If this didn’t matter—
Wouldn’t that mean that none of it mattered at all, really? I mean, why bother keeping the Yeerks out of people’s heads at all, in that world?
It was one thing to have perspective. To triage, to prioritize—to look at Ante and say I’m sorry, I’d help if I could, but I can’t, because this other thing comes first.
It was another thing entirely to say this doesn’t matter, period.
I thought about Cassie, who—according to some other Rachel’s memories, according to Jake and Marco in those memories—had given up her ticket out of the Yeerk pool to try to save a little boy. Who’d died in the attempt, saving nobody.
My inner Marco had opinions about that.
My inner Cassie didn’t care. Those opinions were missing the point.
I sat down next to Ante.
The problem, I thought.
The problem was that the word matter wasn’t one word, was really two very different words pretending to be the same thing.
There was whether or not something mattered in terms of its ranking, how likely you were to actually get around to it, what you would sacrifice to protect it.
And then there was whether or not something mattered at all.
I’d killed two or three hundred people, a week ago. Not in calendar time, but in my own subjective experience—it had been fewer than seven days since I’d led the mission to destroy the Yeerk pool.
I’d done it knowingly. Willingly. I had sacrificed those people, deliberately, to try to save the other seven billion. And though I’d taken advantage of the opportunity to pick a time when my family wasn’t there—
Steady.
—if it hadn’t been possible, if I’d had no other choice, I still would have done it. Because my family—the people in the YMCA that day—all of the people of Ventura—
Each one of them was infinitely valuable, and each one of them meant less, overall, than the fate of the entire human race. Those weren’t contradictory truths—they were two different ways of looking at the same reality, each one useful in its own way. Each one necessary, to balance out the other.
And Ante—
I’d been thinking a lot, since the hospital, about what kind of person I was becoming. About my sculptor, and how I felt about each new development—whether I resisted or embraced each new strike of the chisel. About how I decided what to cut away, and what to grow—what principles I was using to decide which parts of the statue were really me.
I still didn’t have an answer. Not a complete one. But—
Rachel Berenson is the kind of person who looks at Ante, sitting there with his head in his hands, and feels—
Contempt, or compassion. Disdain, or admiration. I could feel the choice inside of me, the two potential paths, two blueprints of two very different Rachels, one impatient and cynical, the other empathetic and forgiving. I could be the sort of person who looked at Ante and saw only his naïveté, his insufficiency, his overall meaninglessness in the grand scheme of things—
Or I could see the other thing.
Porque no los dos?
No. I wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t mature enough. Couldn’t trust myself to hold both perspectives fully, switch back and forth between them smoothly. Maybe Jake could. Maybe some future Rachel would be able to.
But for now, what I had was a chance to choose which mistake to make. Which one to overdo, which side to err on, which person to be by default. Whether I wanted to turn myself into the kind of person who would remind you that every snowflake was unique, or the kind of person who’d shoot back that nobody cares, though.
Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind, there, Warrior Princess.
And I had. I could feel it—feel the rightness of it, the full, coherent sense of purpose. The part of me that had always imagined myself holding a sword had—had zoomed out, somehow, was now looking at the scene around me, seeing for the first time why—what I was standing in front of, what I was trying to protect. I imagined a field, a stadium, a continent full of Antes, all sheltering behind me—a billion different varieties of young, unimportant, useless, fragile—
Like flowers.
It was a weird mix of martial and maternal—the same fierce protectiveness I’d felt toward my younger sisters, only now I could feel it turning, expanding, stretching to cover everyone—humans and animals and aliens alike—not ‘everyone’ as a collective but a garden full of flowers, each needing time and space to grow—
Yeah.
Yeah, that was who I wanted to be. I wasn’t her yet, but that was the blueprint—not Marco or Cassie or something in between, but Rachel. That was what I wanted Rachel to be for, what I wanted to think of as my purpose. Guardian. Protector. Not just of lives, of bodies, but of souls—where Marco would do what it took to keep someone like Ante alive, I wanted to do what it took to give someone like Ante a life.
I wouldn’t be able to do that everywhere, for everyone. I knew—better than any of the other Animorphs, I knew what the cost of war was. What it meant to sacrifice one thing for another. I knew the mistake that Cassie had made, even as I understood why she’d done it on a level that Marco never would. There were seven billion people out there that I’d never even meet—I couldn’t let myself get tunnel vision on the ones right in front of me.
But Ante—Ante wasn’t trading off against anything. I wasn’t going anywhere, had no plans, no targets, no ideas. And I could see his spirit breaking—see the fading, flickering light.
I didn’t know what would happen, if that light went out. If he gave up—truly gave up—on being the kind of person who dreamed, the kind of person who expected things from himself. I wanted that to matter to me, no matter how insignificant it might be in the grand scheme of things.
That’s awfully poetic. You sure it’s not just that you have a crush on a pretty Scandinavian boy?
I didn’t thrust the voice aside. I didn’t have to. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, and that was enough.
I looked down. Ante was lying flat on his back again, one arm covering his eyes. Around us, the other boys had returned to the logs, were sitting there inert, exhaustion written in the slump of their shoulders.
The world is ending, and they don’t know what to do.
I could relate to that.
“Ante,” I said, reaching down to poke him gently in the shoulder. “Get up.”
“Fuck off,” he groaned.
“All right, then, at least sit up. Look at me.”
He didn’t sit up, but he lowered his arm, opening his eyes.
“Let’s say you never get to find out. Whether you matter, I mean. You just have to pick.”
“Pick what.”
Dull the words, like falling mud.
“I’m just saying. If Gandalf did come along and give you the choice. Black or white. You either leave the Shire, or you don’t.”
“To go where.”
“Come on, man, meet me halfway, here. You know what I’m trying to ask you.”
“You want to know if I’m giving up.”
“Yeah, sure, we can call it that. Are you?”
A silence.
“What if I want to give up a little?” he asked. “What if I want to just lay here for a while, and figure it out later?”
“You promised your mom you’d come home tonight.”
Ante sighed, sat up, looked around at the other boys and then turned back to me.
“Easy for you,” he said. “You’re an OG Animorph.”
“‘If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.’”
Ante said nothing.
“Come on, you guys don’t get Marvel movies out here?”
More silence. And then—
“I don’t want to give up forever,” Ante said. “But I don’t want to promise never to give up, either.”
“That’s fair,” I said. “What about a test run? You come with me on one mission—tomorrow, after we check in with your mom tonight.”
His eyes narrowed. “Some kind of pity thing before you fly off to win the war for us?”
“Yep,” I said. “Exactly that. You in?”
* * *
A part of me was stirring, a part that had been growing louder and louder lately—the part that held the memory of Jordan and Sara, that carried Cassie and Mom and Dad and Uncle Steve and Aunt Jean and Melissa Chapman—that part had risen up in objection, full of anger and indignation—
You can’t just—just let it go like that, let it END like that, you can’t let them get AWAY with it, they have to PAY—
I squeezed my eyes shut, visualizing their faces, one after another—Sara’s gap-toothed smile, the mole on Jordan’s cheek that she was so self-conscious about, the way Cassie’s eyes would light up whenever Jake walked into a room. I played the list in my head, rehearsing the memories, the memorial that was all I had left of them—of any of them.
Mom’s sigh, and the way a few strands of hair would always manage to slip themselves out of her pony tail, the way she would brush them back behind her ear whenever she turned the page of one of her briefs.
My trip to Disney Land with Dad last year, when he’d put me up on his shoulders to see the fireworks—I was twelve, way too big, he’d ended up twinging his back and he’d needed an icepack on the flight home, but he’d still called me his little monkey, had made me feel like I didn’t weigh anything as he swung me up in his arms.
Melissa’s dress, on the night of our first school dance—
Uncle Steve, teaching me how to play chess at the family reunion at Lake Tahoe—
Aunt Jean’s black belt test—
Too many, there were too many of them, too many faces and too many memories, friends and coaches and teachers and neighbors. I felt my anger cooling as I rehearsed them, recited them, but it didn’t go away—just transformed, the magma spreading out, thickening into a bleak, black sadness.
Not fair.
It wasn’t fair, that they were dead—that they’d been tortured, some of them, that the last days of their lives had been filled with horror and then been cut short. It wasn’t fair that I was alive, when they weren’t—that I had been given the power to fight, to protect myself, when they hadn’t.
Never, ever forget—
And I wouldn’t.
But at the same time—
At the same time, it wasn’t right to think that things would never be okay again. For a part of me to insist that they would never be okay again, to treat any possibility of peace or progress or forgiveness as betrayal. That piece of me—it was standing up for something right and good and true, it was protecting something important—something I desperately wanted not to lose—but it was wrong about how to protect that thing. That piece of me that wanted to rage and destroy, to make them pay, it was wrong about how the world worked, about what it would mean for there to be such a thing as justice, it didn’t understand about prices, about consequences, any more than my sweet tooth understood about diabetes.
At some point, somebody has to be willing to not get everything they deserve, or it’ll all just keep going around and around forever—
* * *
“Ei, se ei ole pysyvä tili,” said Ante. “Se on salasanalla varustettu laatikko, joka on rekisteröity nimellä Garrett Steinberg. Kaksi r ja kaksi t Garrettissa.”
He gestured toward me, and I smiled vaguely up at the man behind the desk, whose lips thinned in response. He began typing on his terminal.
We were standing inside the Nordea bank, two kilometers north of the hospital in Tampere, where Tobias’s note had directed Garrett to go in the event that he didn’t come back. It was still two days shy of October 10th, but under the circumstances, I figured neither Tobias nor Garrett would mind.
Behind the desk, the man’s expression flickered, darkening for just a moment before it returned to its flat, businesslike composure.
“Mikä oli tilin salasana?” he asked.
“The password?” Ante translated.
“Roger Carson,” I said. “R-O-G-E-R, C-A-R-S-O-N.”
The man typed in the letters, his expression flickering again.
“Olen pahoillani, mutta herra Garrett Steinberg sulki tilin useita päiviä sitten tyhjennettyään laatikon. Voisinko nähdä henkilöllisyystodistuksenne?”
Ante stiffened, his hand falling on my shoulder. “Ei, kiitos, unohdetaan koko asia; hyvää päivänjatkoa!” he said, steering me out of line and pushing me toward the door.
“Go,” he muttered. “Don’t run, but don’t stop.”
I felt a flood of adrenaline and picked up the pace, the hairs on the back of my neck tingling. Behind us, the man behind the desk was calling after us, his voice loud but not yet carrying a stop, thief kind of urgency.
“Kiitos vielä kerran!” Ante called over his shoulder as we reached the exit. Two seconds later, and we were out on the street.
“Okay, now we run,” Ante said.
“Where?” I asked, but the other boy had already taken off.
Three blocks away, we slowed and changed direction.
“Okay,” I said, chest heaving as we headed south, toward the water. “What the hell was that?”
“The guy said that the account was already closed,” Ante panted. “And that you were the one who closed it.”
* * *
Everything was swimming, everything was heavy and distant and foggy and clogged, it was all I could do to hang on to consciousness, to keep my eyes open against the million tons of force trying to drag them closed—
I felt hands around my face—gentle slaps—resolved the image of my cousin Tom out of the fog. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Tom was shouting, but it was like I was underwater, like I was underwater and he was over the surface, I could hear that he was saying something, but whatever it was I couldn’t make it out.
And then—
Tobias?
That can’t be right, whispered some detached, empty part of me. Tobias is—he’s—
I didn’t finish the thought—couldn’t. Once more, the black fog choked my vision off to a point, snuffed it out. I couldn’t feel anything, see anything, could barely think anything—
Marco.
I remembered Marco.
Remembered a face, a voice, a smell, a smile—
Hang in there, Wonder Woman, the voice whispered. It’s going to be o—
* * *
“You have something that belongs to me.”
For a moment, it seemed that Koskinen was going to deny it, but then he sighed, his shoulders sagging.
“So you did see the note,” he said.
I didn’t nod, didn’t answer, just crossed my arms.
You did see the note meant I hoped you hadn’t seen the note, which meant I deliberately hid the note once I found it. Tobias must have left it that very evening, just a few hours before I woke up—before Koskinen could take it away.
“You morphed Garrett to get the password,” I said accusingly, echoing Ante’s tone from the night before. “Without his permission. You morphed this comatose child in order to steal his property, after first invading his mental privacy.”
“Circumstances required—”
“Paskanmarjat,” I snapped. I hadn’t picked up many Finnish words over the past week, but I knew how to call bullshit, thanks to Ante. “Circumstances required you to violate your patient? Circumstances that said, don’t inform your conscious patient, even though she’s just a phone call away?”
Koskinen’s eyes flickered toward his nephew, who was sitting in the chair beside me.
“It is not that simple,” he said. “You are a minor, Garrett Steinberg is a minor, the other children who brought you here are all minors—”
“I’m sorry—do minors in Finland not have property rights? You can work and open a bank account at fifteen, can’t you?”
“You’re fourteen, not fifteen.”
“Which you know, again, because you violated the mental privacy of a child under your care.”
Koskinen’s face had begun to redden, and his voice took on an edge. “I decline to sit here and be lectured by a child,” he said. “A child to whom I have provided significant value, at substantial risk both personal and professional—”
“Value that was paid for by giving you and three of your friends literal superpowers,” Ante hissed.
Koskinen blinked. They were the first words the boy had spoken since entering the room with me.
“Do you have any idea what I would do, to have the morphing power, uncle Rand?” Ante continued. “Do you know what I would do with it? I wouldn’t sit around in a hospital in Tampere running tests, that’s for sure—”
“Those tests are crucial to understanding this technology,” Koskinen shot back. “To being able to duplicate it one day—”
“Why bother duplicating it when you’ve already got the box?” I spat.
“A childish perspective,” Koskinen sniffed. “Why bother making a second lightbulb when you’ve already got one? Humanity needs to understand this technology—the sheer potential for medicine alone, not to mention telepathy, nanotechnology, dimensional physics—this could be the key to ending death itself—”
“Not if we don’t make it through the next week.”
“What are you going to do with it this week?” Koskinen countered. “It was sitting in that deposit box for days. For how many months have you children been carrying it around? Since March at least, no? And how many people have you—activated?”
“Over a thousand—”
“A thousand!” he shouted, cutting me off. “Pennies! Bird droppings! The cube can transfer the morphing power to five individuals every thirteen seconds! Twenty people a minute, a thousand people an hour, a hundred and fifty thousand per week! You could have given every soldier in Finland this power, in the months you’ve kept it to yourself!”
“We’ve kept it safe from the Yeerks,” I snarled. “Who we’re still at war with, even if a few of them have defected. Who already have better tech, not to mention the high ground, not to mention that they’re close enough to every government to have emailed half the heads-of-state in the world on their personal emails! If you put this thing in the system, you’re all but handing it over to Visser Three, who will use it to end us!”
“We know how to be careful—”
“Do you? Because I’m the one Elfangor gave final responsibility to. I’m the one he charged with blowing it up, rather than letting it fall into the wrong hands. I’m the one whose family—”
I broke off, my whole body trembling. “I don’t give a shit that you’re a grownup, Koskinen. I don’t give a shit that you’re a doctor. If you weren’t Ante’s uncle, you’d be having this conversation with a grizzly bear right now, regardless of what you’ve done for me and Garrett. I already wouldn’t have been able to just—just take your word on it, that you’re doing enough to keep the cube safe, and by stealing it you’ve made it so I can’t trust you at all.”
I was full—absolutely full of anger, was shaking with the effort it took to keep it all inside. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a clinical part of me noted that maybe I was so angry because Koskinen had a point—that we should have been doing more with the cube, all along—
But that was just fuel for the fire, was a mere tributary to the river of rage flowing through me—at the violation this man had so casually committed, the risk he had so blithely shrugged aside—
“Where is it?” I demanded.
“Someplace safe,” he said.
“Where is it?” I repeated.
“I won’t tell you.”
“Then I’ll destroy it,” I said. “You’ve been in Garrett’s head, no doubt you’ve been in mine, too. You know I can blow it up remotely.”
Koskinen crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You can,” he said, his voice artificially cool. “I wonder if you will?”
Big difference between could and would, I’d said to Ante. I turned to look at him, saw that he had made the connection, too.
Would I?
I had come to get the cube, to give the morphing power to Ante and Elias and Juhani. Although everything I’d said about keeping it safe from the Yeerks was true, I hadn’t really been weighing the situation along that axis—that had just been my brain producing sentences it thought might win the fight.
Yeah, okay, but if he flat-out refuses to give you any information about where it’s being kept and what it’s being used for, then you have to assume it is in danger of being compromised, right? That it’s out of control, and needs to be shut down?
A part of me noted that I needed to remember to kill Tobias, the next time I saw him, and then another more careful part overwrote that with you need to find out what his constraints were and then maybe kill him.
“Listen,” I growled. “If you don’t give me at least some reason to—”
It happened faster than I would have believed possible—too quickly for me to even process, at first, let alone respond to, let alone interfere with.
Ante sprang up from his seat—
Snatched up a massive, leatherbound tome that was lying on the desk—
Swung it, binding-first, straight into Koskinen’s temple—
Koskinen’s head snapped sideways and he went instantly limp, almost falling out of his chair in the process.
“Ante, what—”
“Common Endeavor,” he said. “The Territorial Forces taught us how to knock people out after school. Sharp blow to the temple or jaw, anything that snaps the head around.”
“But you—”
“He’s my uncle. I know him. He’d already made up his mind.”
“But—”
“Acquire him. You can access all of his memories if you acquire him, right? Like how you found us last night? You can get the cube back, if you know where it is?”
My jaw snapped closed with a click.
“He’ll wake up,” I said, as I reached over to grab his limp wrist.
“I’ll keep him here,” Ante said darkly.
“But you—”
“Were you telling the truth about the cube just now?” he said, cutting me off. “How important it is to keep it away from the Yeerks?”
I nodded.
“Then I can handle the fallout. I’ll take care of Garrett, too—uncle Rand can be a shithead, but he is a good doctor, he won’t hurt Garrett, I’ll stick around to make sure—”
I stood up and began morphing, forcing my clothes into the pocket dimension along with my body. I would take Koskinen’s clothes off of him, which would have the side effect of making it easier for Ante to keep him in the room.
“Ante,” I said, my voice beginning to rasp. “I don’t know—whether this works or not, I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back—”
“I get it,” he said. “It doesn’t matter. Just get it done.”
There was a fire in the boy’s eyes, a tightly-controlled thrill in his voice.
Looks like mission accomplished, eh?
“Sisu, Ante,” I said, and he nodded grimly.
“Sisu, Rachel,” he replied.
* * *
The walls seemed to shimmer, to flex—changing colors, changing shape, one moment flat unpolished metal, the next smooth beige plastic. There were lights, shifting and flickering—beeps and clicks, radio voices—a viewscreen like the one on the starship Enterprise, showing—
Showing—
???
“—no time,” said Jake, or maybe Marco, the bodies switching places, disappearing and reappearing. “At this rate—they’ve already—hundred Venturas—”
“—can’t beat them head on,” said Tobias, from the screen—no, from right beside me. “—wasn’t for those mines, we’d already—”
It was different this time, I thought. And then I realized that I was thinking—that I was thinking, the now-Rachel, the Rachel who was demorphing, who was right now in the middle of a seizure-vision, I’d never come awake during one before—
Marco spoke again, and it was like the voice of some nightmarish monster, ten different sentences all emerging at once, blended and overlapping and incomprehensible. Jake answered back, and then Ax—except no, wait, Ax wasn’t here, Ax was down on Earth, and besides, he wasn’t called Ax anymore—
Flashes of light, blindingly bright—
The whole ship shook, throwing us to the floor—
No, wait, nothing had happened—okay, now it was happening—
‹Yes, or no,› thundered the voice of the Visser, from where he stood, surrounded by Marines all pointing their guns at him—no, he was on the viewscreen—both?
It isn’t usually like this, I thought. Why—what—why is it all—
“Yes,” said Jake.
“Yes,” said Marco.
“Yes,” said Tobias, and then vanished.
“No, wait, stop, you can’t!”
The voice was Cassie’s—
Cassie’s?
She was there, where she hadn’t been, her eyes wide, her face stricken. “You can’t,” she repeated, as Jake shouted her name, as another explosion rocked the ship, as beside me Marco raised his gun and fired—
My head throbbing the cube to the flat, tumble wince sound of blue.
Above face face eye brow brown frown Ante, face along Garrett “Rachel?”
Feel no spike pain because under nose red, red, red red red red red—
“Rachel, don’t m̷̝̄o̸̹̓v̵͒ͅe̶̫͐ ̶̿͜c̵͎̒ơ̶̻n̶̚͜e̶̖͌ ̶̏͜f̵̙͠ǘ̷̠ŕ̷͜ỳ̸̡,̶̺͛ ̷͕̈́s̷̲̽ỉ̸̝n̵̟̈k̷̥̀ ̶͔͐ okay s̴̳͛ẗ̷̲́r̵̺͠o̵̦͒k̴̝͒è̶͚ ̵ͅh̵̪̆o̸̧͆n̶̙̄o̸̟̎r̵͈͝ ̶̞h̵̘̉e̷͖͝ĺ̶̝p̸͓ ̴̭͊s̶̩͝a̵͙͊f̴̹͗ȅ̴̖ ̷̗͗h̴̹͒u̵̘͗r̵̟̃r̸͕͝y̷̮.”
I can’t. I can’t, don’t.
Try but numb hand up bump cube at least, more face word Ante, Garrett, head spin floor burning blur blur blur gaussian?
calm
CALM? CALM??
Mouth. Face. Hand. Eyes. Verb? Hurts—
Ante “okay, g̴̠̈r̶̲̊â̵͜b̵͜͠ ̴̺̚h̵̰͠é̷ͅr̸̦̀—”
Garrett touch wait cube cube cube
“Got it r̴͇̽a̵̖̤͛̄̚c̷̘͍̥͒̾̓h̷̼͈͝e̷̡͙̅l̶̨̺̼̋͒̌”
Spinning black
no
Chapter 55: Interlude 16
Notes:
Just a little interlude. Major update (Jake) still planned for Jan 10 - Jan 12.
Chapter Text
Slowly, slowly, inch by inch, the shark dragged the limp body of the seal up and up and up, until the black water brightened to midnight, then royal, then bright green-blue. It turned left and right, rising and falling, seeking the right current. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the water heaved beneath it, throwing both it and the seal onto the rough, rocky beach.
Slowly, the shark began to shrink, a thin, pale human body emerging as the slick gray gave way to shivering pink, fins rounding and thickening into arms and legs.
Slowly, the boy stood, looking from the outside not tired so much as daunted—reluctant, dispirited, resigned. He glanced at the corpse of the seal beside him, then at the body of the shark lying a few feet away, seagulls already worrying its flesh. There were more bodies beyond that, each older and smaller than the last, the furthest reduced to a partial skeleton, half-washed into the sea.
Slowly, the boy bent over, rested his hands on the seal’s unmoving flank, and acquired its pattern, its essence.
Slowly, he straightened.
Pretty, the boy’s passenger whispered—softly, warily, like a child with parents both loving and angry, parents whose mood was not yet known. It was a word with special meaning, given the circumstances, but the passenger knew that, and knew that the boy knew that the passenger knew it, and thus the message was clear and open and honest, where it might otherwise have smacked of manipulation.
Slowly, the boy raised his head, and looked—at the porcelain sand, the coral-crag rocks, the dusting of brilliant green. At the white-capped waves, the deep azure sea, the lazily drifting clouds. It was alive, the scene—vibrantly alive, and yet calm as well—tranquil, as if the earth itself could breathe, and had let out a long, contented sigh.
Yeah, the boy agreed.
Good, the passenger asserted, more confidently this time.
Yeah.
Rest? the passenger suggested.
The boy tilted his head, seeming from the outside to think, though the passenger could see that there were no words, no images, no thoughts in the usual sense. Just a patient waiting-for-the-answer, as if the boy were watching a leaf drifting through the air to see which side it would land on.
Not yet, he said, after a time.
And he turned into the waves to continue his work.
Chapter 56: Chapter 39: Jake
Notes:
Author's Notes:
1. This is a REPLACEMENT for Chapter 39 (which was 12,000 words), while also being Chapter 39, Part II (new total 24,000 words). Sorry for forcing you to reread, but I ended up going back and making a lot of changes (hopefully improvements) to the earlier parts, and then just smoothly carried on into the second half. You could technically just ctrl+f "I lay awake on the narrow cot," but you'll have false memories about what happened with Jake and the Visser if you do.
2. Speaking of which, specific kudos to readers u/CouteauBleu and u/hyphenomicon for feedback that was both highly critical AND highly constructive. This chapter is better because of them. (There are other readers who proposed a bunch of stuff that'll help with future chapters that I'll hopefully remember to shout-out later.)
3. I've opened up an admonymous account as a side project, with the goal of collecting anonymous questions that are too personal, too embarrassing, too confrontational, too dangerous, too weird, or otherwise too costly to be seen to ask. It's been fun so far; if you want to drop a question it's just admonymous dot co slash duncan. Note that answers go up on Facebook and pretty much nowhere else, so you'll need to either friend me, follow me, or search for me there to see them (my posts are always public).
4. Next update is planned for two weeks out; we're still On A Roll. May lose steam at some point and slow down, but at the moment I'm still hoping to not go on another long hiatus (and at most, *one* more long hiatus).
Chapter Text
Chapter 39: Jake
Know your enemy.
I know—it’s a cliché. The sort of thing that makes people roll their eyes. The sort of thing you hear from the #wise character, two episodes before the big battle. As if digging through Tom Riddle’s childhood memories will always, always, always turn up some crucial weakness just in time for you to exploit it—as if people have weaknesses, in the superhero sense. Weaknesses that are like buttons that you can just press—weaknesses you can rely on, make solid plans around.
I went back and looked up the original quote, once. From Sun Tzu, who first wrote it down maybe twenty-five hundred years ago. A quarter of the way back through human history.
Sun Tzu wrote if you know your enemy, and you know yourself, you may fight a hundred battles without danger. If you know yourself, but not the enemy, for every victory you will also suffer a defeat. And if you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will lose every time.
We’d had victories.
The Animorphs, I mean.
We’d had defeats.
And while most of our victories had come from knowing our enemy—from managing, once in a while, to be one step ahead—
Just knowing wasn’t enough.
I think Sun Tzu knew that. I think when he imagined fighting a hundred battles without ever losing one, he was taking for granted that part of how you pull it off is not fighting the ones you’re going to lose.
I mean, that’s part of knowing your enemy, right? Knowing when they’re stronger than you. Better positioned. Better prepared. Being able to see what they’re planning, and to see that it’s going to work. That there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
I couldn’t see through the fog, but I could hear them—like rice falling through a rainstick, the rattlesnake sound of a million tiny legs, a million clacking jaws. I could hear them even though Marco was screaming—could somehow hear them through his screaming, as if the two sounds were coming through completely different senses, neither interfering with the other. I could feel my self, my soul, tearing in half, every part of me wanting to run forward, every part of me knowing it was too late—
Tom and I used to take Tae Kwon Do classes, when we were little. After school, in a little do jang inside a strip mall, not far from the construction site. One time, this old grandmaster came over from Korea as a special guest, to judge a black belt test. Grandmaster Byong Yu, I think his name was. And he had a piece of advice of his own, one he said he’d picked up from his master, back when he was a child in Korea during World War II:
When trouble comes, do not be there.
You don’t have to fear the results of a hundred battles, if you’re in a position to pick and choose from among them. If you can afford to wait for your chance.
And if you can’t—
If the enemy gets to choose where and when you’re going to fight—
If they’re a hundred times more powerful than you, and have full control of the battlefield, and have been preparing for months—
I don’t know. It’s still worth knowing, I guess. Just in case. For that one-in-a-million chance. Sometimes there really is an Achilles’ heel.
But it doesn’t feel like a guarantee, the way they make it sound in stories.
Which is maybe why, after months of trying to think my way into Visser Three’s head—
Trying to figure out how he thought, what he wanted, what his blindspots might be—
Now that we could actually just look—
For some reason, my attention kept getting pulled somewhere else.
“Helium,” I said, pitching my voice low as the rough feathers of Quatazhinnikon’s body flowed together and melted back into human skin. “What’s a vecol?”
I wasn’t an expert in reading alien body language, but it wasn’t hard to pick up on Helium’s surprise, or the tension and discomfort that followed on its heels.
‹It seems that you already know, if you know enough to ask—›
“I want to hear it from you.”
The young warrior twitched, shifting nervously, his stalk eyes refusing to meet my own. When he spoke, his words were slow and reluctant.
‹Denotatively, it refers to a small, scavenging amphibian native to the Andalite homeworld,› he said. ‹One that makes its burrows in the mud of bogs and swamps. It is named for the sound it makes to attract a mate.›
“It’s a dung eater, right?” I asked.
Helium nodded.
“And connotatively?”
The alien seemed to brace himself, drawing upward, meeting my gaze head-on. ‹It’s a label, among the Andalites, for the imperfect,› he said, his tone now flat and emotionless. ‹Those you would refer to as disabled, whether mentally or physically.›
I nodded.
Shit-rat.
The Andalites, apparently, had a lot in common with ancient Sparta, when it came to their attitude toward cripples and special needs kids.
‹We understand that this view differs from the views of many humans—›
Not that many. I’d almost thought the word retards, not because I had any active desire to be insulting, but just because that’s the word that came to mind.
‹—but you must remember that Andalite psychology, Andalite culture, is very—›
“What do you know about Alloran?” I interrupted.
Helium blinked with all four eyes at once. ‹Esplin’s host?›
“Yeah.”
‹Um. Can you be more specific? Strategic and tactical genius, decorated veteran, father of modern Andalite military doctrine—›
“Any stories about his childhood? Or, like, myths? George Washington and the cherry tree?”
‹Ah—›
“Anything about vecols, in particular?”
There was a long silence.
‹No, Prince Jake. Not that we can recall.›
I nodded. “Thanks, He-Man.”
I turned back toward the empty corner of the Bug fighter’s storage bay, where I’d pulled together a couple of crates into a place to sit and think.
It wasn’t all that surprising. Not really. From the things Ax had told me, Andalite groupthink was incredibly powerful—what the crowd believed just was the apparent truth, a lot of the time, as difficult to question as the color of the sky.
And if Alloran was a beloved hero, a tragic martyr, a perfect specimen of Andalite nobility and genius—
Well, then, of course he wouldn’t have had anything to do with shit-rats. You didn’t even need some weird half-hivemind to explain it. As far as alien stuff was concerned, that was almost human.
Sucking in a lungful of the stale, metallic air, I closed my eyes, focusing once more on my mental image of Quatazhinnikon. The Arn’s anti-infestation tech meant that I could spend at most about fifteen minutes in morph before things started to break down. This would be my fifth time dipping into the feathered alien’s memories—into one memory in particular.
Hypersight.
Rachel had described it to us, once, back in Ventura—had experienced it for a split second during the takeover of the high school. The Visser’s ship had been carrying a strange alien creature that Ax later identified as a Leeran—had brought it close enough that the Visser, Rachel, and Erek the Chee had all been inside of its—what—aura? Umbra? Its area-of-effect?
She’d said it was like the way people joke about magic mushrooms, in the movies. That time and space had opened up, unfolded—that she’d been able to see everything, understand everything about the Visser, and Erek, and the Leeran itself—that the Visser had known exactly where she was, even though she’d been hidden inside Erek’s hologram.
The Andalite head grew large, larger, and larger still. The four horselike legs merged into two and then expanded, each leg becoming as large around as a redwood tree, the webbed feet sinking into the mud of the construction site. The wiry Andalite arms—sprouted, somehow, splitting and shivering into a seething mass of tentacles. In the hideously bloated head, a mouth appeared, filled with teeth as long as my arm. And all the while, the Andalite war-prince just lay there, watching, unmoving, until the monster reached out and seized him by the neck—
Just for a moment, Rachel had said, and then the ship had passed out of range, and the memories had—had leaked, somehow, had been too huge and weird for her brain to hold on to, leaving her with just glimmers and fragments, a few sketchy recollections.
But Quatazhinnikon’s memory was perfect.
More than that, the alien scientist had spent whole minutes sitting in the bubble of hypersight with the Visser—almost half an hour, in total, as they negotiated back and forth.
Which meant that we had a half-hour-long recording of the inside of Visser Three’s mind. Of Esplin’s mind, and also—of course—
Of Alloran’s.
It was funny. In all this time—in every conversation, every argument, every council-of-war—
We’d never asked about Alloran. Never considered him. Never stopped to think of him as a separate individual, except maybe in passing—as Esplin’s victim, Esplin’s slave, a repository of intel and strategic and tactical wisdom.
But as the morph completed, and I unfolded the strange, frozen, fun-house-mirror-slash-wax-museum of Quatazhinnikon’s memory—
There he was.
Marco—
I flinched, and gritted my teeth.
Marco—all five of him—had been poring over the memories himself, when he wasn’t busy grilling Visser One or trying to work through everything with his—their—mother. Trying to learn as much as they could about Esplin’s goals—his plans—the things he’d asked Quatazhinnikon to do—the techniques and technology that the Arn had employed as he’d tried to comply.
It was the sort of thing I should have helped with. Should have been interested in, especially since—even now—I had the edge over Marco when it came to making sense of an alien mind.
But I wasn’t having the easiest time being in the same room with Marco at the moment, let alone Elena or Visser One.
And as for taking a look myself—
I couldn’t explain it. Somehow, Esplin and Quatazhinnikon just…didn’t hold my interest. It was like they were a paper I had to work on, one that wasn’t due for another week, and in the meantime, my attention kept sliding back to Alloran. To the brief, fragmented moments when Quatazhinnikon had turned his attention to Visser Three’s other half, the handful of memories that had passed between them in the wild swirl of hypersight. Each one was like—like its own little world, its own little dimension, an entire reality frozen in time that I could peer at, step into, walk through like one of those room-sized model train sets. Like sticking my face into a Pensieve, and finding a memory that could only be played frame by frame.
The taste of the pale lavender flowers that grew in the perpetual mist beneath the waterfall near his childhood home.
The ache and throb of muscles pushed beyond exhaustion when his military instructor ordered him to chop down a gigantic tree with nothing but his tail.
A quiet conversation on a cold, dark night.
A fall of sand from a clifftop.
The ugly, almost unbearable horror of that first awakening, after the Yeerks’ betrayal, when he regained consciousness to find that his body no longer responded to his commands.
Memories large and small, with no particular rhyme or reason—the kind of things that just happen to stick with you, just happen to come to mind, side by side with some of the most important moments in the Andalite war-prince’s life.
And most important of all—deeper and somehow central, as if it was the foundation on which all of the rest had been built—a memory that had caught even the strangely indifferent attention of Quatazhinnikon, been the focus of the Arn’s curiosity for long, long seconds in the swirling, timeless madness—
They clustered together, the six of them—had shifted, perhaps unconsciously, reforming the circle away from the small, crumpled body. They looked desperately back and forth at one another—clung to one another like the survivors of a shipwreck, seeking safety and reassurance as waves of guilt and fear and panic crashed through the eib.
Alloran could see himself in the others’ thoughts, as clearly as if he stood before a mirror—the splash of dull red across his torso, the shining wetness on his tail. He was motionless, pretending stone, his stillness even more pronounced as the others twitched and trembled, their tails quivering, their stalk eyes twisting and darting.
The others noticed.
They noticed, and as he watched himself through their eyes, he could see that they were taking it, on some level, as evidence of distance. Of judgment. Of other-ness. That his apparent calm meant that he was not-like-them, not-one-of-them.
Alloran felt a twinge of unease. It wasn’t that he was calm. He was trying to think—
But it was too late. In their agitation, they turned from him, pulled away from him, the perception of difference becoming reality as their belief in it grew stronger.
‹It wasn’t our fault.›
Not a message. Not clean, deliberate communication. Just a wild thought, leaked rather than expressed—slipping through the fraying boundary between one mind and the next.
‹It wasn’t our fault. We didn’t mean to.›
The thought passed around the circle, redoubling, reverberating, gathering weight and momentum like a snowball rolling down a hill.
‹We didn’t mean to. We didn’t.›
‹Of course not.›
More thoughts, as the snowball tumbled, as one by one the others joined the self-assembling narrative—
‹We didn’t do anything.›
‹It was an accident.›
‹He was too close to the cliff—uncoordinated—clumsy—›
Alloran looked down at the body—at the cuts and gashes, the streaks of blood.
Alloran looked at the others—at five tail blades, wet and slickly gleaming.
Alloran looked at the landscape—the gentle, rolling hills, without a rock or cliff in sight.
‹We didn’t even want to go, but he insisted. We were humoring him. It was his idea. And then, when it happened—we were too far away—›
‹No.›
The other children stopped. Turned to face him, moving in eerie synchrony, one mind with five bodies.
‹No,› Alloran repeated. ‹Look. They will look, they will see, they will know—›
It wasn’t a bid for truth. It was, if anything, an attempt to help. Look, Alloran was saying. Look, the story is too weak, too evidently false—
For a moment, there was fear—
‹They won’t look,› said Harelin, stepping forward and rising to tree-stretch. ‹Not for a vecol.›
The thought filled the eib, crowding out the seed of doubt.
‹They won’t.›
‹Why would they?›
‹And if they did, they won’t care.›
‹They probably wanted this.›
‹This is why they sent us out.›
‹It was their idea to send us to the cliffs in the first place.›
‹It was their idea.›
Again the snowball, and Alloran closed his eyes, feeling dizzy—closed all four eyes and dropped to river-run, seeking the solid stability of the ground. It was true, he remembered old Nerefir giving the order—
But the blood on our tails.
Why would there be blood on our tails, if Mertil had merely fallen?
And why would Nerefir have ordered them to visit the cliffs—that was a two-day journey, and they had no supplies, no navigation equipment, no communicators—
There was a sound, and Alloran opened his eyes to find that the other five children had closed around him, had made a circle that did not include him, a circle that contained him—
Alloran blinked. The tails of the other children were clean, and dry—
No. They were wet, streaked with green—had been hastily wiped on the ground while his eyes were closed—
No, they were clean—
The vision ended there, Quatazhinnikon having lost interest and turned his attention back to Esplin and the negotiation. But the rest of the story was obvious—was written in every aspect of Alloran’s personality, splattered across every other memory. I poked and prodded, wandering through the frozen wax museum of the Arn’s recollections, piecing it together.
Alloran had fought—resisting both the incredible mental pressure of his peers and their desperate physical intimidation.
Alloran had fought, and Alloran had won.
And then, bloodied and exhausted, Alloran had gone back to his superiors, dragging the other five children in his wake, and confessed. Had forced all of them to confess—to share the unbent truth that they had almost managed to make themselves forget, in their fear and shame and panic.
And then, nothing had happened.
No punishment. No reprimand. The adults hadn’t even kept a record of what the children had done. They simply noted that Mertil-Iscar-Elmand was no longer on the registry, and redistributed the six remaining cadets among other squads who had lost members to illness or injury or graduation. Alloran had carried on with his own training with neither a black mark nor a commendation. It was as if it Mertil—
—poor Mertil, the vecol, whose stalk eyes had never sprouted, who could only see in one direction, with forward-facing eyes—
—which in fact was his downfall, was how Harelin had managed to sneak up on him from behind in the first place—
—it was as if Mertil had never even existed.
There was this one time, back in eighth grade, when I got super mad at one of my teachers for switching a project deadline from mid-January to the last day before Christmas break and then pretending it had always been due that week. I griped about it over the holiday, and my grandfather just laughed and gave me a copy of 1984 to read.
There’s this one part, in the book, where the main character finds a photograph that proves that the government has been lying—something about some guys that weren’t actually enemies of the state, or who’d been in one place when they were officially somewhere else, I can’t remember exactly.
And anyway, the main character burns the photo, because it’s dangerous contraband or whatever, and he doesn’t want to get caught with it. But I remember that he hung on to the memory of it for years, after that—that it was like the one thing he clung to, no matter how crazy everything else got. A reminder that there was a reality outside of what everybody “knew” was true.
That was what Mertil was, for Alloran. What he became. A rock in the stream, solid ground underfoot. And, more importantly, a constant reminder that that was necessary—that the other people around him were not even fully aware of what they were doing, when they rewrote history.
Cut to twenty years later, and Alloran had become the most brilliant and capable military leader that the Andalite people had seen in generations—maybe their most capable military leader ever.
I guess it was technically possible that those two things had nothing to do with each other, but I wasn’t betting on it.
And now, a decade or two after that—
Around me, the mental vision began to flicker and degrade, signaling the breakdown of the morphing tech. Pulling my attention away from the memories, I concentrated on my own body, feeling the flesh return to my limbs, feeling my eyes shrink as the hardened beak melted back into soft, human features.
What are you doing in there, War-Prince?
The creature we knew as Visser Three had not started the way Helium had, with willing cooperation. Esplin nine-four-double-six was, and had always been, totally and ruthlessly in control.
But still, Alloran was in there. Was a crucial ingredient of the Visser Three hive-mind, was not just a passive vehicle that Esplin used to get around. His thoughts, his memories, his perceptions—they were the lens through which Esplin viewed the world, the computer on which Esplin ran his calculations.
And given that—
Given what the avatar had told us, that what had happened to Ax and Perdão would happen to any Andalite Controller—
Given what I’d learned about Alloran’s history and character—
Given that Alloran was absolutely Esplin’s enemy—
I was as sure as I’d ever been that somewhere deep inside of Visser Three, the part of him that was Alloran was biding his time. Waiting his chance. Doing everything he could to throw a wrench in the works, to nudge things into place for an eventual fall from grace. I was as sure as I’d ever been that Alloran, of all people, would never, ever give up the fight.
I could picture Marco’s face, hearing that—could see that little skeptical smirk, that raised eyebrow, that look that said sure, uh huh, whatever you say, buddy—
I pushed the image aside. It didn’t really matter that I didn’t have enough evidence to back it up. I knew that I didn’t, and I believed it anyway. I could feel it, somehow—feel it leaking out of every last shard of Alloran’s memory, every frozen thought. He was in there, and he was still in the fight. He didn’t—he wouldn’t make sense, otherwise. And people always made sense, once you looked closely enough.
But I didn’t know what that meant, in practical terms, given that Esplin could eavesdrop on Alloran’s every thought, would be aware of the war-prince’s every intention. I didn’t know what would happen—what had happened—as the walls between them crumbled, and the pair of them bled together into a single individual.
I didn’t know what—if I was Alloran—I could possibly do, which meant that I didn’t know how I—as Jake Berenson—could help.
But it seemed like I might be able to figure it out. Seemed like I should probably try to figure it out, as long as we were stuck out here in space, waiting for the Ellimist to snap his fingers and send us back to Earth.
Uh, Visser One? Elena? Esplin? Quatazhinnikon?
I shook my head, feeling the last of the feathers fray apart into hair. There were five Marcos now, not to mention Helium. I couldn’t do everything, didn’t have to take responsibility for everything—
I paused, letting myself breathe.
It was true that I would probably do a better job than Marco at understanding Visser One, or Esplin, or Quatazhinnikon himself. But there was only so much time left, and something told me that if there was some deep, subtle insight to be had—some important detail that I might catch, that Marco wouldn’t—
I don’t know. It was just a hunch. Maybe not even that. Maybe I was just rationalizing, looking for any excuse to stay hidden in my corner a little longer.
But my little black box said it was Alloran if it was any of them, so I closed my eyes and focused once again.
* * *
VISSER
The creature opened its eyes.
There was nothing prior to the opening—no consciousness, no awareness, no dreams or delirium. Not even blackness, or emptiness, or a sense-of-nothing-there. Just an utter lack of existence, a timeless time, followed suddenly by its opposite.
Four things the creature knew, in that first moment—knew without thought, without processing, the kind of wordless knowledge that lives in the deepest crevices of the mind.
The first was that it was restrained—its limbs pulled in all directions, wrapped tight in a thick, dark, woven material whose look and feel advertised indestructibility in an offhand, indifferent fashion, with nothing to fear and nothing to prove.
The second was that there were guns all around—guns in front, guns behind, guns pointing down from above and up from below, a hollow shell of death with the creature held fast at the focal point. It would count the guns, later—out of habit only, since by then it would have remembered how many it had placed there—but in that first, fleeting moment, it knew only that there were enough, and more.
The third thing the creature knew was that it did not want to die.
And the fourth thing—this being the spark that would light the fire of conscious thought, opening the floodgates to emotion and memory and purpose—the fourth thing the creature knew was that the screen directly in front of it was empty, save for a single message reading Scenario Four.
The creature understood the message, and the understanding was a trigger, and in the wake of that trigger the creature knew many more things—distressing things, for the most part, and far more than four of them.
But foremost among them, the creature remembered its name, and it remembered what came next.
The first of the tests was passed when the Visser reached out with a tendril of thought, wiping away the message and initiating the authentication protocol. There was no other outward acknowledgement—no loosening of his bonds, no relaxation of the attendant arsenal. That was not the Visser’s way.
Instead, the system merely proceeded, the screen producing a set of four queries in each of four quadrants. Taking in the information at a glance, the Visser projected four answers simultaneously, and the screen flickered again.
There were questions—about his former life as Alloran, his former life as Esplin—even a smattering of inquiries for the part of him that had been Cirran, various trivia dragged up out of a vault of years.
There were problems—in strategy, in tactics, in physics and math—challenges that required him to hold and manipulate upwards of thirteen variables at once, measuring the speed and quality of his thought.
There were lesser tasks—demonstrations of his body’s ability to project thought, to divide his attention, to control at a distance. There were diagnostics, checking the health of the body itself—his mastery over muscle, nerve, and sinew. Samples were drawn, and scans taken, to be processed elsewhere, out of sight.
At one point, a Leeran emerged, held tight within its own bonds, a thick cable dug deep into its brain. The creature looked at the Visser, comparing what it saw with what it remembered, as the Visser watched, and watched itself watching, and watched itself watching itself watching.
The Leeran withdrew. Nothing else changed. The tests continued.
Finally, the gauntlet was complete. The guns disappeared, quietly and without fanfare, each cylinder vanishing behind its own small port-cover. The fabric flexed, relaxed, and unraveled, the individual threads snaking their way downward through a thousand tiny holes in the deck. On the screen, there was nothing—for the Visser needed no other reminder that the system was awaiting his orders, and thus had not programmed one in. Everything within the facility was his to command, utterly and without hesitation.
The Visser stretched, sinking his awareness into his new body, feeling the mix of the strange and the familiar. Quatazhinnikon had fulfilled his every requirement—the new body was larger than Alloran’s old form, large enough to overpower even the strongest of natural Andalites, yet still it felt light, limber, responsive, the snap of his tail so swift the air cracked. Where before there had been fur, there now lay row after row of tiny, overlapping scales, each hardened to an iridescent sheen, a reflective surface to scatter Dracon fire with blood vessels just below the surface to leach away what heat could not be blocked. He shrugged, and the vulnerable dome of his cranium retreated beneath a hooded carapace, a sleeve of thick bone with two sharp blades forward-swept and tiny slits to peer through.
He crouched, twisted, leapt into the air, testing the flex of his new muscles and the responsiveness of the new third arm that rose from the center of his back. He looked toward the screen, and light filled his vision, shading into colors he had never perceived before, infrared and ultraviolet and a faint, slow sparkle of Z-space fluctuation. Soft cilia on his face tasted the air, and nerves in his hooves quivered as they passed through the electromagnetic fields that flowed everywhere invisibly through the air.
In that moment, there was joy, and the Visser did not suppress it. He exulted in his victory, reveled in the fact of his own survival, bathed in the exhilaration of pure sensation. It was good to be alive, and for a moment he let himself feel it fully, laughing with uninhibited abandon in that chamber where no other could see.
Not for long, for there was work to be done. But for long enough, and the act itself was strangely powerful—was a closing, of sorts, to the ritual of necessity that had come with his awakening. It was a reaffirmation—a reminder of all that he fought for, and why the fight was necessary, an emblem of the opposite of the end of all things.
And then, awake and aware and ready, above all else, he stood once more in the center of the chamber, and turned his thoughts to the future.
Scenario Four.
It was the worst of the best cases, or perhaps the best of the worst. There had been no direct signal to trigger his revival, nor an absence of the standard delay signal—
—had his enemies duplicated the standard delay signal? How?
—he had instead been revived by the absence of the auxiliary backup signal. That meant that as many as seven cycles might have passed, and other processes set in motion—contingencies, fallbacks, deadman switches—
With a flicker of mental energy akin to the twitch of a finger, the Visser called up the relevant information.
Six other Vissers had been awakened alongside himself, and would now be emerging from their own gauntlets—on Leera, Gara, and the homeworlds of the Andalites and the Arn, as well as one of the thirteen deep space sleepers and the one aboard the Z-space skimmer.
Reset all other timers; return all other clones from standby to deep stasis.
The other in-system sleeper—the primary sleeper, for Scenarios Two and Three—had not been awakened and was likely lost, along with the rest of the materiel at the Martian facility, which was currently unresponsive. The Visser tried to pull up local surveillance data, and found that his remote observation craft were offline, either compromised or destroyed; it would be some time before he was able to move one of his surviving assets into place.
If the Martian facility had been taken—
That would mean the end of the breeding program; he would instead have to rely on cloning for the first generation of augments, which would mean a significant delay. He tried opening a channel to Quatazhinnikon—
The ansible link to the Arn had been cut.
Suppressing a rising—and useless—note of alarm, the Visser initiated a complete diagnostic inventory of his communication channels.
Active surveillance devices surrounding Earth: disabled/non-responsive.
Active surveillance devices surrounding Earth’s moon: disabled/non-responsive.
Active surveillance devices surrounding Mars: disabled/non-responsive.
Active surveillance devices above and below the plane of the ecliptic: still functioning (the Visser instructed these to move to new positions and begin transmitting data).
Passive surveillance devices surrounding Earth: disabled/non-responsive.
Passive surveillance devices surrounding Earth’s moon: disabled/non-responsive.
Passive surveillance devices surrounding Mars: still functioning (the Visser began an automated scan of their recordings, starting with the most recent, instructing the computer to flag anything unexpected).
Direct line to his personal ship: disabled/non-responsive.
Direct line to the Telor mothership: disabled/non-responsive.
Direct lines to in-system Bug fighers and transports: nominally functional, but unresponsive.
Direct line to the autonomous assets on Europa: disabled/non-responsive.
Direct line to the incoming reinforcements: disabled/non-responsive. (Jammed?)
Direct line to the Indian battalion: nominally functional, but unresponsive.
Ansible link to the Arn: disabled/non-responsive.
Ansible link to the Andalites: disabled/non-responsive.
Ansible link to Visser Two on Leera: still functioning.
Ansible links to the other sleepers: still functioning.
Deep-space relay to the Silat contingent just outside the rift: still functioning (the Visser ordered the contingent to yellow alert and instructed them to prepare for re-entry into the system).
Deep-space relay to the blackmines surrounding the Z-space bridge: still functioning (the Visser ordered a secondary diagnostic scan, to be followed by a randomized repositioning of all mines after the Silat contingent had passed through.)
Deep-space relay to the American president: still functioning (the Visser noted that there were four messages, and placed them in the queue).
Deep-space relay to his agents on the Yeerk homeworld: disabled/non-responsive.
Deep-space relay to the Chee: nominally functional, but unresponsive.
One-way mirror-link to the kill-switches on the human power grid: still functioning.
One-way mirror-link to the kill-switches on the human internet: still functioning.
One-way mirror-link to the kill-switches on the human satellite network: still functioning.
One-way mirror-link to the takeover switches on the human satellite network: still functioning.
One-way mirror-link to the remaining nuclear capacity on board the human submarines: disabled/non-functioning.
The Visser continued on down the list, his confusion deepening. There was no obvious pattern to what had been disabled and what had not. He thought, for a moment, that the humans might have somehow continued tracking his movements after the destruction of their Z-space resonator, but no—while they had carefully disabled his first set of countermeasures, they had not disturbed the neutron explosives he had planted afterwards, as a failsafe—
Perhaps they were trying to be clever? Deliberately refraining from acting upon all of their intelligence, so as to avoid tipping their hand? But if that were the case, then surely they would have removed Donna Marina from office—subterfuge or no, there were few wise plans which called for leaving a blade at one’s throat—
A thought occurred to the Visser, then, and he turned back to the list—
Remote hyperdrive triggers: disabled/non-responsive.
He cursed.
But if that were so—Telor’s auto destruct was mated to those—
With a mental command, he brought up the live feed from the extraplanar observation stations. It was lagged, delayed by the time it took for light to reach them and then be relayed, but—
Debris cloud.
A quick estimate of the mass, a quick summary of the spectral analysis—
The Visser’s tail rose grimly, unconsciously, hovering over his shoulder as if in anticipation of violence. That was indeed the remnants of the pool ship, and the traces of helium hydride confirmed unambiguously that his own ship had been caught in the explosion as well.
Enemy action?
He sent another command, and information from the human internet flooded the screen.
Betrayal.
There was no anger or frustration. There was, if anything, a begrudging respect, tinging the boundaries of a larger surprise. For all that self-sacrifice was a nonsensical move, it at least required uncommon courage, and he would not have thought Telor capable—had made no plans for that contingency, except in the general sense of having attempted to ready himself for disasters of any magnitude.
An expensive lesson.
Time passed. Quickly, efficiently, the Visser settled into his work, activating what resources remained accessible, probing the limits of his new—and greatly reduced—capabilities. Telor—and perhaps the humans?—had done its job well; many of the strings he had relied upon had been cut, and of those that remained, few could be tugged without giving away his position or escalating the conflict.
But the Visser had done his job well, too. He had survived, after all, and while it looked as though most of his supply caches had been compromised—most painfully the primary facility on Mars—this fallback base carried a full fleet of 169 drones, a joint Arn/Naharan fabricator, and three each of human, Hork-Bajir, and Betalite bodies in statis, along with thirteen proxy shards and a full database of Quatazhinnikon’s work. Most valuable of all, it contained a hyperdrive in perfect condition, shielded against all detection by one of the salvaged Chee hologram generators. If he wished to shatter the Earth and escape the system, he would need to steal or manufacture another, but if he wished to do only one—
The Visser paused, then, as he considered, for the first time since his awakening, the full termination of the Earth invasion.
Scenario Four.
It was in the gray area, along with Scenarios Three and Five—a situation not obviously salvageable, but also not a clear and overt threat to his greater interests. Telor’s betrayal was a setback, and the loss of the Martian base an even heavier blow, but it was conceivable that the best path forward still lay through the as-yet unconquered humans in their billions.
A reflex fired, at that—whether from the ghost of Esplin, who had long since learned the shape of Alloran’s mockery, or from the ghost of Alloran himself, the singular creature who was the Visser did not care.
A reflex fired, and it produced a thought, which in words might have been something like:
I notice that I am seeking a conclusion.
Seeking, as opposed to merely looking and reasoning. Seeking, despite resistance from reality.
The Visser paused for a moment to let the recognition seep through every layer of his conscious awareness, releasing the desire for that answer and replacing it with the desire for the answer—for the unbent truth, as near as he could come to uncovering it.
Given my goals: should the invasion of Earth be terminated, and the resident humans along with it?
Yes.
Upon second thought, the answer was clearly yes. It was the longer path, and the slower by far, but the Visser had already cleared the system of greater than ninety percent of its tactical nuclear capability. He had exported hundreds of the humans’ air, land, and sea vehicles, each of them bristling with weaponry, along with the necessary expertise to operate, maintain, and build many more. That alone was an enormous win—would almost certainly prove decisive in the conventional wars over Leera, Gara, and the outermost Andalite colony worlds.
What he stood to lose from terminating the invasion was some seven billion potential hosts, and an industrial capacity equivalent to that of a third of the other known worlds combined.
But what he stood to lose from continuing it—
There was no force in either the Yeerk or Andalite power structures sufficient to wrest control of the Earth from him—of that, he was confident, even now.
But the Earth might yet wrest itself—might well become a power in its own right. The Visser had added weight to that possibility himself, with the various technologies he had given the humans—had greatly accelerated their progression toward true sophistication. They were more dangerous now than they had ever been—were already producing starships—were innovating on both defensive and offensive technology—had even opened independent lines of communication to the Andalite homeworld and the Council of Thirteen.
As yet, they still seemed shy of the tipping point. But it was in the nature of such things to be difficult to estimate, and always in the wrong direction. Certainly the Andalites had thought the poor, backwards Yeerks no threat, and had paid the price for their miscalculation…
Somewhere in the depths of the Visser’s mind, a connection was made, or a calculation completed—what, precisely, he could not have said, but it impelled him—
—via a sudden, rising urgency, checked only briefly before being trusted by default—
—to flip a certain switch, initiating a series of preset commands which triggered the destruction of every major undersea internet cable, along with every backup, and half of the communications satellites in orbit.
(Those being the ones which had not been vulnerable to straightforward splicing and reprogramming, which now went dark and dormant, awaiting his further instructions.)
Some fraction of him relaxed, then, while the rest continued to think.
It was not only an apprehension that too late would come too soon. That had been a part of it, and the crippling of the human communication network a commonsense precaution that complacency had left untaken far too long.
(A wholly automatic reflex flagged the thought, and stored it away for future consideration.)
But there was more to the Visser’s unease, as evidenced by the continuing steadiness of its manifestation—the absence of a conclusive yes, that’s it in response to his previous action. He probed, and prodded, but the feeling did not change, did not respond—continued to sit like a stone in his abdomen, tightening the muscles of his limbs. There existed some key, some password, which would cause the feeling to unfold into comprehensibility; by the fact that it had not yet unfolded, he knew that had not yet found its true name.
Is it the human children? he wondered. The ones that survived the attack?
No.
Something else, then.
The humans themselves? Something that would be lost, if they were killed?
No, but there was movement in the part of him disquieted—a flicker of recognition, partial and fleeting—a sense that he was near the path, if not quite on it.
Ah.
He would have chided himself, then, were his reawakening not so recent—had he had more than scant moments to think, and thus the expectation that he would have already considered all things obvious.
The gods.
The gods whose existence was no longer in question, the gods in whose machine he was a ghost—the plotters, the puppetmasters, twitching strings to purpose unknown.
The Visser extended his will, and new information flooded the screen—
Nothing had changed in Z-space. Seerow’s backdoor interface still functioned, as did the additional structures the Visser had built inside of it. The hypercomputer was still vast, and ineffable, the few and narrow paths he had explored within it like the burrowings of an insect on a mountainside, but none of the open doors had closed, and—most critical of all—the digital avatar he had distilled from the morphing database was still untouched in its dusty corner, on standby and smoothly updating.
(Not for the first time, the Visser wished that he could reach through the god-computer, rather than merely into it—felt a pang of loss and regret which his mind smoothly reshaped into irritation, that Seerow had not bothered to think ahead, had sought only the bare minimum of control, enough to solve his problem, leaving untold potential untapped and unexplored. There was information there, behind barriers which Esplin and Alloran were not, themselves, competent to breach—and more, there were eyes, eyes and ears that pierced space itself at every point, the answer to every question the Visser might ask and then some.)
(But it was a thought that led nowhere, so he set it aside.)
The gods.
They were not, precisely, the source of his unease. They were watching, certainly; interfering, without question—but they had yet to impede him directly in any detectable fashion, and while he would not claim that he had tried everything, still he had spent long weeks endeavoring to divine their intentions, to provoke unambiguous response, and thus far all for nothing. If they intended to reveal themselves, it would clearly be at a time of their choosing; what plans could be made in ignorance, what defenses set against their sight and their reach, he had already done.
No, it was more that recalling their existence had reminded him of other unknowns, other blindnesses—of all the variables yet beyond his direct control.
Again the rising pressure, again the impulse to act—and again, as before, he yielded to it, trusted it, erring on the side of least regret. The viral replicators would have been too final of an intervention even had they not been neutralized—
—thanks to the absolutely ridiculous coincidence of the Z-space rift and the humans’ accidental resonator—
(Another flag, and in the back of his mind, some fraction of his attention set to work.)
—a situation which he would have dealt with directly, had he not been preoccupied with the captured Chee, and the search for the Iscafil device, and his first forays into the hypercomputer after the human children revealed the link between the morphing tech and the gods’ intervention—
(Flagged.)
—not to mention all the lesser distractions like his ongoing manipulation of the exodus project or his campaign to undermine Visser One—
—but the substitute failsafe was more surgical, and perhaps more appropriate anyway, as it targeted intellectual and military capital rather than population centers or industrial capacity—
The screen displayed its confirmation, and the Visser relaxed another fraction. Time—it would take time to be certain that nothing had gone wrong. But whatever the risk of human ascension, that should have halved it, buying him breathing room—seven revolutions, most likely, though of course he would only count on two.
A strange tension arose in his mind, then—not the old split, between Esplin and Alloran, but two different Esplins, two different Allorans. A latitudinal division rather than longitudinal, with both of his inner ghosts present on both sides.
That won’t be enough, argued his warier half. Not enough to be sure.
No, the other half agreed, one-quarter reluctant and one-quarter annoyed. But caution, in excess, is an error of its own, no less lethal in the end.
If the humans escape this system—
If they escape, they will find me waiting for them. I am already awake beyond the rift—by the time they breach the boundary—
If we don’t need them, then why take the risk?
If they are such a risk, then they must be correspondingly valuable.
The safe and certain path—
The safe and certain path would have us still languishing in a dirt pool on the homeworld!
A gamble does not become correct simply by virtue of turning out well. Even unwise gambles pay out some of the time.
This is not an unwise gamble. I am no Seerow, running ahead with eyes closed. I have prepared for every contingency, up to and including literal divine intervention—
We were killed!
And yet here we are, awake and aware and with tools at our disposal.
And what if the humans broker peace between Yeerk and Andalite? What if we end up facing both of them, united?
Then better to have seven billion hosts at our command.
It was a strange sensation, feeling himself divided, his thoughts turned so squarely against themselves. Strange, and unpleasant. He was unaccustomed to it—or rather, had become unaccustomed to it. He remembered well the endless battles between Esplin and Alloran—remembered them from both sides, before the boundary between them had worn away. Not since Ventura had he felt such—
Discordance.
And with that, the sense of unease blossomed, opening like a flower to reveal the core insight within:
He was not one person.
He was not one person, and never had been. Alloran had always been the enemy of Esplin, and Esplin the enemy of Alloran, and the hostility between them had not ended, had merely gone quiet, and somehow he had not noticed, because—
Because he felt like one person.
Not in words, the thought. More a feeling, a formless confusion, and along with it a sudden ratcheting of his awareness, a stepping-back of perspective.
His goal—the goal, the true goal, the only goal that made actual sense—
He had thought—he supposed—that Alloran had converted, seen the wisdom of the quest and dropped his petty, personal resistance. He must have thought that, at the time, only he couldn’t actually remember—
(Flagged.)
And now came the true dread, the rising horror, for the creature that was the Visser turned his stalks inward, searching, searching, and finding—
Nothing.
There was no clear division within himself, no two agents arguing—just himself, a tangled mass of fear and confusion, ambition and fury. He was Esplin, and he was Alloran, and he remembered both, remembered being both, but the two had fused, and both were in control—he was in control, no part of him any less than any other—
When? When had it happened? And why had he not noticed?
I mocked him—
He mocked me—
Alloran had mocked Esplin as the news came in from Ventura, the first reports of explosions in the pool facility—he remembered that, the memory doubled over, remembered his—
—Esplin’s—
—anger, his bloated outrage, and the twisting knife, that anger was cousin to stupidity—a cheap retreat from the painful recognition that one’s expectations had failed to match the true state of things—
That had happened, yes, and he—
—Alloran—
—had been thrust beneath the surface, and then—
—and then—
The Visser paused, his whole body sliding into stillness as every ounce of attention was swept up in the remembering—they weren’t his memories, not truly, yet still he remembered them—
He had remarked on it—remembered remarking on it—the day that he discovered the bridge. He had discovered the bridge, and had waited—
—Esplin had waited—
—for Alloran’s voice. Had waited, and been surprised to hear nothing, and then—
The gap in the human child’s memory, the moment of fleeting disorientation—
Had this been interference of a similar kind? It surprised him, to think that he had been so incurious, but it didn’t seem conclusive—
The bridge. Alloran was not there, at the bridge—could not be roused. And then—
Telor. That was the day he had faced Telor—had secured the coalescion’s uneasy cooperation, begun his misinformation campaign.
And since then, nothing. Neither Alloran’s presence, nor Esplin’s curiosity. Nothing, until the discontinuity of death and resurrection had shaken him loose from the bias of sustained perspective.
(Flagged.)
And now—
Now—
He searched within himself, knowing even as he did that what he sought might somehow be behind his eyes, might somehow have made its way across the barrier—
Never before has any Yeerk lived so long within a single host.
And Yeerk no longer, now that Quatazhinnikon had built a single brain to house them both.
Could the Arn have made a mistake?
But the Leeran—
The memories—
No. If there had been a mistake, it was not recent.
The Visser twitched. Trembled. Felt the coursing of energy through his body, with no outlet—
Try as he might, he could sense no self-destructive impulse within himself, no desire to see himself fail. Only sincerity, deep and total—but within that sincerity—perhaps, even, fueled by it—
Disagreement. Irreconcilable disagreement, a fundamental clash of worldviews, deontological in nature, and neither clearly suspect.
Boldness.
Caution.
Risk.
Restraint.
One of them was Alloran, surely—surely one of them was a feint, a false flag, crafted carefully and specifically to cripple him at just the right moment—
But which?
He could not tell—could not see even in his own memories where the knife was hidden. Reason said that the caution derived mostly from the war-prince, and the drive from the Yeerk, but—
Was the caution the poison, meant to slow him down?
Was it a goad, meant to trigger contrarian recklessness?
Was it all to create this very confusion—to cause the Visser to mistrust himself and his intuitions, paralyzing him at a critical moment?
A critical moment—
The flagged thoughts rose to the surface.
They were all critical moments. Every one of them. The whole system was one giant, subtle web, a tug on any given thread causing the rest to warp and wobble.
And yet even that insight provided nothing, told him nothing. Just that something was manipulating him, or predicting him, or—or—
He did not know. He did not know, and he could feel himself trying not to think about it, feel the urge to slide back down to the object level, the safe and comforting territory where everything was comprehensible and every problem had an answer. The uncertainty was raw and painful—like hypersight, only without the sure knowledge that the experience would end, hypersight made permanent, eternal disorientation.
And yet—
Even knowing that the object level question was a distraction—
—a shield, a shelter, a place to hide—
Even knowing it, he still felt a pressure to answer it.
For he had to answer it somehow, didn’t he? Either the Earth was to be destroyed at once, or it was not—and if he did nothing, continued to wrestle with the existential issue—
That was choosing not.
Seven billion hosts.
Well—six and a half billion, now, given what he had just done. Six and a half billion, and perhaps as few as six, once the dust settled.
But six billion hosts, with infrastructure largely intact.
He could feel the lean, the bias—the desire to hold on to the Earth and its value, not solely for their own sake, but also because they were his. Because he had staked his claim, poured out his sweat and blood—because they had challenged him, and the part of him that burned with fire and fury wanted to see them fall—
Ridiculous. Exactly the kind of anti-reason he disdained with all of the parts of himself—an outright parody of what both Esplin and Alloran stood in opposition to.
And thus—obviously—a clumsy attempt at reverse psychology—
And thus—obviously—a clumsy attempt at reverse-reverse psychology—
And thus—
It was a new problem, one he had never before encountered, neither as Yeerk nor as Andalite nor the uneasy marriage of the two. He did not know, had no policy, had no preset answer to the question of what one should do, when one could not put trust in one’s own mind—
Or worse, when one wasn’t sure whether that was the case.
What do you fear, on the object level?
(Setting aside the gods, who were their own problem—whose only interventions thus far had been to keep the game going, first by rescuing the human children and then later by creating conditions which resulted in the failure of their attack on him, and his subsequent progress with the Chee and the hypercomputer.)
The humans running amok—becoming a greater power in their own right, destabilizing the larger war, of which he almost had control.
What do you want, that makes you hesitate?
Time, of course. It all came back to time. Six billion humans would be seven again in a generation, even without technological advancement—and seven billion humans could be assimilated into the project in a revolution or two. If he had to start over with just Silat—without even the breeding population he had sequestered on Mars—it would be almost the same as if the humans had never existed, as if he had started from scratch with the Arn, as the Arn had with the Hork-Bajir—
No. That was the wrong way to go about settling the question—the wrong question to ask, in the first place. He was not sure which half of himself produced the objection, but he listened to it.
The question is not whether the humans, as a pre-existing resource waiting to be harvested, are too risky to harvest.
It was about whether the humans were, in fact, a resource or not. To presuppose a future in which they existed under his control, and then imagine the alternative as a loss, with accompanying disappointment—
That was putting the emphasis in the wrong place, creating a bias that clouded his thinking. If one approached the situation from a position of true neutrality, cognizant of what Alloran called empty stories and the humans called sunk costs—
If the humans were not his, and had never been—if he made no irrational claim to their future, had only just arrived in-system, with the resources currently at his disposal—
(And with the knowledge he already possessed about the interference of higher powers, powers with purposes unknown to him and likely at odds with his own.)
—what would he do then?
It was not obvious that the right answer to that question was total annihilation. There were resources still under human control that were disproportionately valuable, even now, and worth absorbing some risk to procure, particularly if the largest risks could be contained, ameliorated—
(Flagged.)
A single hyperdrive, sufficient to leave the system or depopulate it, but not both.
A thousand revolutions. That was what it would take, to grow the equivalent of a new human race from scratch, with only the resources available outside the system. Which might just as well have been a million revolutions—in the current equilibrium, a thousand was far too long for any practical use.
With the resources obtainable within the system—the resources realistically obtainable, only what he could extract within, say, the next sixty cycles—
A seventh of that, which was still far too long. Humans or no, the overall conflict would almost certainly be decided before two hundred revolutions had passed.
No middle path, then.
Either he conquered the system, as originally planned, or he would end up destroying it; the resources he could extract from it in the short term, given what had already been taken, were only negligibly greater than the opportunity cost of his own time and effort spent elsewhere, and accompanied by substantial risk.
There was frustration, then, and anger—a feeling like chasing quarry around the trunk of a guide tree. All this thought, only to arrive back at the same dilemma, the same choice, and with no further insight into the trustworthiness—or lack thereof—of his own reasoning. A wild, reckless nihilism played at the edges of his mind, daring him to simply flip a chit and be done with it; he resisted, all the while uncomfortably aware that that very resistance might well be the intended effect.
What would Alloran say, and Esplin in response—
An alert echoed through his mind, interrupting the loop, and data began to flow across the screen—visual confirmation of the detonation of the neutron explosives. A subroutine analyzed the data, producing an estimate of the casualties—
Five hundred and fifty-four million, give or take fifty million, mostly concentrated in North America, Europe, and the eastern coast of the Asian land mass. That, along with the permanent crippling of the humans’ communication networks—
They will not escape.
They will not ascend.
And with his own duplicates already operating outside of the system—with the spare hyperdrive already at hand—with the American president still unsuspected at the heart of the exodus project—
(And with the quantum virus, which he now commanded the fabricator to bring to within two steps of maturity, just in case.)
The Visser paused, his thoughts changing orientation once again, another layer of unease unfolding—a deeper one, that he had not previously realized was there.
Know victory.
It was his central creed, his modus operandi—a place where Esplin and Alloran had shared agreement even back at the very beginning. And victory, in this case, meant the swift capture of the human species—or most of it—as his most efficient path to the harnessing of the broader galactic population.
But the destruction of the human internet, the leveling of certain human cities—
These were surgical measures, carefully prepared, designed to do maximum damage to human effectiveness and morale while inflicting the fewest casualties and being easy to repair, later. The neutron explosives would have left buildings and machinery intact, and it would take only a few revolutions to replace the undersea cables once there was no external force working to keep them broken.
And yet, his motive in executing those measures had not been to move toward victory, but rather to prevent defeat. They had been defensive maneuvers—conceived in wariness, executed in fear.
The realization rooted him to the spot.
Did he face defeat here, by leaving the Earth intact?
The heaviness in his abdomen shifted without lessening, as if to confirm that he had identified its source without assuaging its concern.
It seemed to him—
Upon reflection, it truly seemed to him that the answer was no. That there was, in fact, no realistic or predictable path by which continued efforts to assimilate humanity would lead to his eventual downfall. That there was nothing about the present situation which made him vulnerable in ways he could ameliorate. Especially not since his failsafes had worked—since he himself had revived, and his doppelgangers as well.
(He had previously been reluctant to commit to the use of autonomous duplicates, even having achieved apparent full fidelity; the risk of an error had still seemed high, and there had been little to gain while his own physical person remained safe. But the enemy had rolled those cubes for him, and the way now was forward.)
The threat of human ascension was contained, the moreso now that he had just dealt them two enormous blows—
(And with impunity, he noted, the gods having offered no interference.)
—and the threat of peace similarly manageable. He could end humanity at any moment, destroy the planet—or even the star!—at a whim, even from beyond the grave. Even if he failed, the other duplicates had everything they needed to launch a quantum viral attack. He had no specific cause to feel disquiet; just a vague and sourceless apprehension, a persistent intimation of vulnerability. It yielded preemptively to his interrogation, admitted freely its lack of basis—but it also refused to dissolve in the face of evidence and argument, leaving the Visser lost and foundering.
He was on edge, and he did not know why.
Without the Earth, completing the conquest of the rest of the galaxy will take five times as long, and be twice as likely—or more—to fail.
He was suspicious of the thought—for being too reassuring, too convenient, for making him feel better when he still did not understand the cause of his disquiet. But even in his suspicion, he could not stop himself from believing it. It simply seemed true.
And thus, he had no choice, choice being reserved for those situations where the answer, given one’s goals, was not obvious.
He knew he had not yet answered the deeper question. Knew it, but could not wait upon an answer—and could not, somehow, bring himself to question the assumption that he could not wait. His mind slid off of it, and even in full self-awareness he felt no urge to make it do otherwise.
The Visser continued down his chosen path, for his confusion and uncertainty were yet insufficient to provoke a full reversal, and standing still was worse than moving in either direction.
He continued down his chosen path, but uneasily.
* * *
JAKE
I jerked to a halt as the door slid open.
“Uh,” I stammered. “Sorry—”
“No, it’s fine,” said Marco’s mother, brushing hastily at her tears as she looked up from my cot.
She didn’t get up.
“Uh,” I repeated. “You—you can stay here, if—”
“No, no,” she interrupted. “I’m not—thank you, but no. I was actually, um. Hoping to talk to you.”
She looked at me, then—straight at me, eyes red, lips forming into something that seemed like it was supposed to be a smile. “If that’s okay,” she added softly.
It wasn’t. Not really.
But neither was telling her no.
I stepped forward, letting the door slide shut behind me. “I was in the cargo hold with Helium—”
“I know.” She gestured around her at the walls of the narrow space. “To tell the truth, a couple hours of quiet time didn’t hurt, either.”
I blinked. “You’ve been in here for two hours?”
She nodded. “You’ve been busy.”
“You could have—”
She waved her hands. “You’ve been busy,” she repeated.
I stood just inside the doorway, feeling my heart rate slowly crawling upward, not sure what to say, how to respond. A part of me was—tight, almost—tense, like I was bracing myself. My brain, which up until about thirty seconds ago had been completely focused on Alloran, was now offering up all sorts of useful parallels, reminders about what Mrs. Levy had been through, what she was probably still going through, it was everything Tom had been through and more, and now Marco—
I cut off the thought.
I didn’t want to deal with it.
I didn’t want to help.
I knew I was supposed to, knew it was the right thing to do, but—
“You’ve grown,” she said softly, derailing my train of thought.
“Uh,” I replied, acutely aware that it was the third time in a row.
“You can sit down,” she added, sliding a little further away from the door, patting the thin mattress. “I won’t bite.”
I didn’t move.
“Trying to figure out what you’re supposed to do?” she asked.
I blinked.
“Marco says you’re tired of being the grownup.”
For some reason, my heart kicked up another notch. I still didn’t know what to say, but I felt like I had to say something, and I couldn’t say uh again so I went with “What?”
Mrs. Levy cracked another one of those almost-smiles. “Actually, what he said was ‘don’t bother Jake, he’s mad at me for being a jerk.’ I had to read between the lines a little.”
I had absolutely no idea what to do with that. There was a feeling of rising pressure in the room—or maybe just in my head—a growing sense of I-don’t-want-to-be-here, which I was resisting for some reason, and the energy that was taking out of me was not energy that I had to spare. I was tired, and resentful, and—and empty, it was almost midnight by the ship’s clock and I had been expecting to shut the door behind me and collapse—
“Sit down?” Marco’s mom repeated. “Please?”
You know that bit in Harry Potter, where he’s being mind-controlled to jump up onto a desk, and halfway through he kind of thinks to himself no, I don’t think I will, thanks, and ends up smashing his knees?
I pressed my back against the door and slid down until my butt touched the cold metal floor.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
Marco’s mother’s face twisted, looking for just a moment the same way her son’s had, on a mist-cloaked hillside a million miles away.
Listen, you can’t be more broken up about it than I am.
“Me, too,” she said.
There was a long, long silence. Long enough for me to try out nine or ten different sentences in my head without saying any of them. Long enough to play out four or five different guesses as to why she was here, and what she wanted to talk about—long enough to start feeling guilty, and then defensive, and then angry, before finally remembering that I should probably wait to hear what she had to say before deciding how I was going to react to it.
Which was a good thing, because when she finally did speak up, it wasn’t any of the things I’d imagined her saying.
“I gave them new names.”
“What?” I said reflexively, even though I’d heard her, and understood immediately.
“New names,” she repeated. “I gave them—him—new names. They weren’t—they weren’t exactly into it. But that’s one of the perks you get, as a mother. You can do stuff like that, and they can’t say no.”
I tried to picture Marco’s reaction and got nothing.
“What names?” I asked, because it seemed like she wanted me to.
“Vasco. Magellan. Livingstone, Cousteau.”
She paused, and I could feel the weight of her expectation—a kind of quiet, desperate hope.
I wanted to punch something.
“Explorers,” I said flatly, filling in the blank.
She nodded. “And Lewis,” she said. “Like Lewis and Clark.”
A series of memories tried to rise to the surface—Halloween, back in Ventura—Marco’s mom dressed like Dora the Explorer—hiking backpacks full of Reese’s and Snickers—
I shot them down.
“Only you’re not Clark, are you?” she continued, and this time her voice was lower, as if she were talking to herself. “More like Shackleton. All those weeks, out on the ice.”
My resentment flared, brightening suddenly into anger, and I grabbed it just before it could take control—grabbed it and held it, waiting for it to cool enough for me to see what it was made of. A theory occurred to me—that Mrs. Levy had planned all of this out, sitting here by herself for two hours—that she’d practiced the words, plotting out the twists and turns of the conversation—that it was a kind of ritual for her, a way to lay hands on some measure of control.
The anger receded.
“There are more than just five of them, you know,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “He said he made about thirty.”
I could play along, I decided. If I was right, and this was all just a script—I could give her that much.
“Thirty-eight,” she murmured, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular. “Or—I guess just thirty-five, now. But there are plenty of explorers’ names to borrow. Amundsen. Battuta. Erikson. Zheng He.” Her voice hitched, and came back even quieter. “My little adventurer, always running ahead.”
I waited.
Eventually, she turned to me, offered me my next cue.
“Is he still in there, Jake?”
Soft, the words—not a whisper, exactly, but somehow clearly fragile. I felt myself go still, like you would if a butterfly landed on your toe.
“What?”
“Marco. My little adventurer. You—”
She faltered. “You’ve been on this—journey—with him,” she said, and now her voice turned pleading, took on a new note of something like need. “You know what—what’s happened to him, what he’s been through—what you’ve both been through. He—he told me—just a little—”
The pressure in the room was back, had doubled and was doubling again.
“—so much pain, and fear, and—”
Brittle. I felt suddenly brittle, like my arms and legs had turned to ice.
“—and hardness, he seemed so—so cold—”
The desire to run was back, but I couldn’t move—had my back to the door, was blocking my own escape.
“—the way he just killed Hildy—the—Visser One’s companion, he just—without even a thought—and that Arn, too—”
I didn’t want to hear this question. Didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to answer it—didn’t want to force my own brain to go there, to think the thoughts required to find an answer and put it into words for her. That was why I’d been hiding in the first place—from her, from Marco, from all of it—digging through Alloran’s memories of thirty years ago—
And she knew that.
“I just—I need to know, one way or the other. If he—if my beautiful little boy is still in there or—if this is—if this is all that’s left—”
The anger came back, then—because she knew, she knew I didn’t want to do this, she’d waited in here for two hours because she knew—
Anger, but I held it back, because even in my exhaustion I couldn’t forget that this was Marco’s mother. That she’d been taken, raped, enslaved—that she’d had Visser One inside her head for four years, and that her son had bought her freedom by taking in her captor—
It was too much for me to deal with. But it was too much for her to deal with too.
The silence stretched out, taut and wild and vulnerable.
Say something.
But I didn’t have the words. I didn’t know the answer to her question. I just knew that the wall—the wall between me and all of it—it was thinner now than it had ever been, a sheet of paper holding back an ocean, and I wanted to help her, and I wanted to leave, to turn around and run away, but I couldn’t leave her, couldn’t just abandon her there with it—
I opened my mouth to find that it was bone dry, closed it again to try to work up some moisture.
I’d rehearsed some conversations of my own—the dutiful ones, the on-mission ones, things I knew I’d eventually have to ask—about Visser One, Visser Three, any intel she might have on the Yeerks and their intentions.
But this, I had not prepared for, even though of course it was coming, I should’ve seen it coming, but that would have meant thinking of it in the first place, thinking about it, I couldn’t have prepared for this without coming into contact with this and I wasn’t ready for it—
“Mrs. Levy,” I began.
“Elena, please,” she said—an ancient reflex, from a lifetime ago, and as the words left her lips I could see in her eyes that she hadn’t been ready for it, either.
“Mrs. Levy,” I repeated, following the script—
And then I stopped.
Stopped, because my own eyes were suddenly—
—inexplicably—
—filling up with tears.
“S,” I said. “S-s-so—”
“Shhhhh,” she said, and then she was there on the deck beside me, her arms wrapped tight around me—warm arms, familiar arms, arms that had hugged me more often than any others besides my parents’—
Oh god.
I broke down completely, then—had absolutely no hope of holding it together, and didn’t bother pretending otherwise. For a long time, I wasn’t really there—no thoughts, no words, not even any feelings. Just an overwhelming, torrential flow, as the ocean of all of it poured through me.
“He died,” I said—was already in the process of saying, when I finally became conscious again, finally came back to myself. “He j-just died and I c- I c- there was nothing I c-could do and then it all h-h-happened again—and again—”
“Shhhhh,” Mrs. Levy was saying, and I knew, I didn’t even have to think about it, I just knew that she didn’t mean be quiet or stop but rather it’s okay and I’m here and take all the time you need and my soul responded to that by cracking right in half all over again.
I cried.
I cried for what felt like hours.
I cried for Marco, and for my parents, and for Rachel’s parents, her sisters—I cried for Tom, for what he’d been through in those weeks after the attack, out there all alone—I cried for Cassie—oh, god, for Cassie alone I felt like I could weep for days, and then there were Cassie’s parents, and everyone else in Ventura, and behind that every terror and trauma we’d been through since the beginning, from the woods to the Yeerk pool and all the way back to that very first night, when we’d watched Elfangor die—
I clung to Marco’s mother like a life preserver, forgetting for a moment that she had suffered, too, that she probably needed somebody to cradle her—for a while, all of the shoulds and supposed-tos just vanished, dissolved, and I just let every single bit of it come tumbling out of me until there was nothing left.
Eventually, the flow of tears stopped, and I found that my head was in Mrs. Levy’s lap, my face streaked with salt and snot, my whole body slumped and twisted and trembling. Mrs. Levy had one hand clamped awkwardly around my shoulder, the other stroking my hair as she whispered “Mijo, mi querido hijo” over and over again in my ear.
It was like a switch had been flipped. Suddenly, I—reinflated, guilt and shame and embarrassment rushing in to fill the space where everything else had been. I sat up, feeling almost naked, pulling my shirt up to wipe off my face—
Mrs. Levy let me go, made no move to hold on to me. But she didn’t move, herself, and so we stayed pressed together, crammed into the tiny space, my knees digging into her thigh, her face just inches away from mine.
“Sorry,” I said, and my voice was almost perfectly level, perfectly normal, as if nothing had happened, as if we’d just been talking about the weather. I didn’t—couldn’t—look her in the eye, just stared down at my hands where they gripped my torn, soiled jeans.
Sorry? whispered Marco’s voice in my head. For what? Being human?
But that wasn’t quite it. I was sorry for being human now—for being human in this moment, for falling apart right at the exact moment when Mrs. Levy needed to, herself—
And underneath the sorry, I was angry—indignant, defiant—because I hadn’t asked for this, it wasn’t my job to take care of her, on top of everything else I had to be Marco’s mother’s mother when there were five of him—
It was like everything inside my brain had come loose, the lids on a thousand little compartments all blowing off at once. All the thoughts I had been putting off, postponing—all the stuff that had been waiting its turn—somehow Marco’s mother had cracked open the door, overloaded my self-control, and I felt scared and I felt lonely and I felt stupid and I felt furious and I felt—I felt everything, was feeling more feelings than I’d ever felt before, all at once, and it wasn’t fair—
“Thank you,” whispered Mrs. Levy.
I took in a huge, deep breath, and steeled myself to look up at her face, and saw—
—that she looked better, somehow. Happier. Healthier—as if something had been healed, some wound knit closed with scar tissue—
—and for a moment my brain tried to reject it, to insist that it couldn’t be, that I was just being selfish and trying to justify it, but a smarter, wiser part of my brain pointed out that how about shut the fuck up for a minute—
“For what?” I said, because I couldn’t think of anything else.
“I don’t know,” she answered.
We sat there in silence for another long moment.
“For my son,” she said, eventually. “For saving him, for all the times you saved him. For letting him save you. For holding his hand as he—as he died. And—”
She hesitated, and I saw her gathering her resolve, bracing herself. “And for saving him again,” she said, fixing me with a look. “In the future. For being there for him still, especially—”
She broke off, gnawing at her lip, and I thought I understood.
“Especially now that he has—now that he’s—”
“Yes,” she said. “That thing in his head. In his heads.”
I didn’t ask what, exactly, she was afraid of. What she thought might happen, what she thought I might prevent. It seemed obvious, given what she’d already said.
My beautiful little boy.
Hey, Jake—why did the blind man fall down the well?
“I’ll be there,” I said. “I won’t let it—I won’t leave him.”
They hurt, a little—those words. Hurt because I had been leaving him, right up until that very moment—had been turning away, pulling my soul out of the equation. Hurt, because I might have kept going in that direction, if she hadn’t caught me, intervened. Because even though it felt right, now—felt obvious and true and—and easy, even—even though I couldn’t picture going back, I could tell that I’d come very, very close to going the other way. Had not even noticed the fork in the road, or the fact that I’d already taken a dozen steps down the wrong path.
Slow down, Jake.
I took in another ragged, unsteady breath.
It wasn’t bad to protect myself. Marco had—
Steady.
Marco had hurt me.
He had.
But pulling away—building up a wall—that wasn’t the only way to deal with it.
“It’s too much to ask,” Mrs. Levy said, her voice sober. “But the world doesn’t wait for us to be ready.”
I felt the power in her words like a magic spell—like an echo of Elfangor, so long ago—tell me, human children, what deeds would you do, what burdens would you shoulder, how far would you go, if the fate of your species hung in the balance? I looked into her eyes, dark and haunted, and saw, for a moment, the pain contained within them, the proof of her own suffering.
Four years.
Somehow.
“Are you okay?” I asked suddenly, the words slipping out without thought.
“No,” she said grimly. “Not yet. Maybe not ever. But—”
She broke off, fixed me with a look. “I’m not a part of your little flock, mi guerrero pequeño. That’s the most I can give you—that you don’t have to worry about me.”
It was a relief. I was surprised at how much—at how much weight came off my shoulders, in that instant—surprised, and a little embarrassed. I hadn’t realized how much I had been expecting it to be my problem, until it wasn’t.
I think she could see it on my face, because she laughed, then—a real laugh, light and bright and without a hint of bitterness.
“What?” I asked, still feeling self-conscious.
“Everything else you’re dealing with,” she said, “and that one little bit makes a difference?”
I didn’t answer. If there was a joke, I didn’t think it was funny.
But she didn’t press the point. Just leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead, took my shoulders in her hands and looked me up and down. “You’ve grown,” she said again. “So tall. So strong. Bigger than Tom was, the last time I saw him.”
The dome vanished, and in its place stood my brother. He was on his feet, his body tense, facing in slightly the wrong direction. He whirled as the hologram disappeared, taking in a full view of the clearing, eyes wide and head turning frantically from side to side. When he saw that it was just me and Erek, he stopped and straightened, but his shoulders remained tight, his fists clenched. I could see grime on his cheeks, and his eyes were red and puffy—his voice cracked, and his eyes flickered almost imperceptibly back and forth. “You’re not going to make me—you’re not going to—to put it back?”
“It’s been a long time,” I offered vaguely, thrusting the intrusive memory aside.
“But still so young,” she mused. “You and my baby both. The youngest of men, only thirteen.”
Again, I didn’t know how to respond, so again, I said nothing.
“The Yeerks,” she said, and suddenly her tone shifted, became businesslike, as if to signal the end of the tender moment. “The Yeerks have a superstition about the number thirteen—"
* * *
VISSER
He was glad, in retrospect, that he had not been rash—had not leapt immediately to a final and irrevocable solution.
Telor had been in contact with the broader Yeerk command structure—Telor, or the human resistance.
(He couldn’t be certain, just as he wasn’t certain whether the communication was direct or indirect; he had yet to identify the channel and had not decided whether, once he found it, he would close it or attempt to corrupt it.)
But either way, his siblings had awakened to find that their enemies had taken advantage of their brief reprieve—had leapt into action almost immediately upon their predecessor’s death, raiding his known supply depots, launching sudden and savage counteroffenses on multiple fronts.
The Andalites’ response had been slower, and less coordinated, but no less enthusiastic—they had scorched nearly a seventh of the surface of Desbadeen, and once more tipped the balance on Gara, putting the remaining Yeerk forces there in jeopardy.
They were not acting in concert, thankfully—as yet, the animosity between Yeerk and Andalite remained in effect, and had even led to pitched battle in the skies over Bakura. But the momentum had shifted, and decisively. Telor’s timing had been devastating, and the Visser’s delay in reawakening even moreso; the larger war had become an uphill battle, and his sense of the Earth’s relative importance had risen yet again. It was even possible (though not quite probable) that the explicit aim of the outsystem duplicates should be attrition rather than conservation—that their efforts would be better spent engaging in mutual, one-for-one destruction of resources, delaying the inevitable entry of enemy forces into the Earth system and buying the Visser more time to consolidate control.
As for the nature of that control—
The situation on Earth was also better than it had seemed, at first glance. The Indian battalion, which he had feared lost, had in fact simply gone to ground, closing down their communications in an improvised protocol to avoid detection. He had reestablished contact, and they were now on the move, taking advantage of the disruption in human satellite surveillance to cover ground at double speed.
Donna Marina was also in play—in fact, the Visser’s destruction of the internet cables had had the unintentional effect of netting him information; the German and Israeli militaries had been busy constructing redundant fallback communication infrastructure in a secret collaboration, and had brought it online in the wake of the attack. They were operating with commendable operational security, and had thus far successfully contained all relevant technical information about the network itself, but the American president was taking part in conversations on that network, and had been provided with credentials and technology enabling roughly one petabite of data transfer per human hour, and was funneling him summaries every eight hours.
Most fortuitous of all, he had discovered that the forces sent to lock down the Martian base had yet to penetrate the interior compartment defenses (which had successfully activated in response to the breach of the outer wall), and were for some unimaginably naïve reason unwilling to simply destroy the facility in response, meaning that the larger drone fleet and its nanotech payload were still recoverable via the lower access tunnels (through which they were now traveling).
There were negatives, along with the positives—the word from Arn was that Visser One, escaped from Council custody, had successfully conducted an ambitious raid, bypassing all of his orbital and aerial security, and that Quatazhinnikon was dead. It had to be assumed that she had duplicated the avian’s archives, and would soon be at least theoretically capable of fabricating countermeasures (though she would not have the benefit of a revolution’s-worth of iteration in purpose-built Naharan machinery, whose specifications had been carefully secured elsewhere). That meant that, while the Visser could continue to count on absolute biotechnological superiority within the Earth system, it would be prudent to anticipate the closing of that gap in the near future in the broader war.
But all in all, the net result of Telor’s betrayal—at least, within the bubble created by the Z-space rift—seemed, if anything, to be positive. It had forced various gambles which the Visser’s predecessor had been hesitant to take (and which the current Visser still believed had been correctly identified as negative-in-expectation, given what had been known at the time), but the bulk of those had proven beneficial, and in the meantime, the humans had moved out into the open.
His earlier hesitation persisted—the mere fact of the continued apparent viability of the original plan did not conclusively rule out some critical flaw in his thinking—but even there, he felt reassured by the establishment of reliable channels to his counterparts, and the laying-down of further layers of fallbacks, failsafes, and countermeasures in-system (including several which in no way relied on the rift’s persistence). It now seemed to him that only direct divine intervention, among all known forces, could cause the humans to successfully break out of the system en-masse—or even survive the dead-man switches that would be triggered by his own death or defeat—and even there, he was not entirely without recourse.
One further promise he made himself, in unison across all of his various bodies—that, should the estimated odds of critical failure for plans not involving the Earth drop below one in seven, he would immediately trigger the destruction of the planet and establish a permanent blockade over the Z-space bridge. His own personal sense of urgency aside, it was only the likelihood of defeat-without-Earth which justified continued engagement; an eventual victory seven-to-the-seven revolutions in the future was still immeasurably better than permanent defeat (the moreso now that his resurrection technology had proven sound), and there were enough uncontrolled variables surrounding the situation on Earth that he could not argue himself into assigning less than a one-in-seven chance of disaster, failsafes or no failsafes.
That done, the Visser turned his attention back to the information currently trickling in from Kadamba. If the human governments had noticed, they had not made any mention of it in their communications with each other, which meant that the next phase could be launched at any time—
He knew, on some level, that there were things he was not thinking about. Obvious things, for the most part—
—such as the fact that the apparent plausibility of the Earth invasion, the estimated value of the human species as an instrumental target, had stayed each time just ahead of marginal indifference, the initial allure always falling but never quite far enough or fast enough to reach a point at which it was unambiguously correct to cut his losses (and that even after the metacost of that very dynamic had been taken into the calculation)—
—or the possibility that the gods themselves were directly interfering with his perception and processing, as they had with the human child Marco, leaving him unable to arrive at correct answers no matter how detailed his observations or justified his reasoning—
—things which were beyond his ability to directly detect or influence, and which were therefore assumed to be not-worth-considering outside of the occasional brainstorming session or deep strategic review.
Yet there were other things which were not included in any such sensible policy—thoughts which eluded him not just on one level, but on every level—things he not only failed to consider, but also to consider considering, and also to consider considering considering. Phenomena which escaped his notice entirely, no part of them extending outside of the boundaries of his blindspots.
There was nothing particularly unusual about this. If anything, the Visser was measurably less susceptible to such oversight than his foes, his allies, his antecedents—was noteworthy, in fact, for having brought an unusually large number of considerations into his field of view, subtracting them from the infinite list of things-unthought.
Yet even very large numbers subtracted from infinity leave infinity untouched. And among those things-unthought were some whose power to influence the Visser waxed, rather than waned, as his own power grew.
Each new layer of policy was a tightening of the system, a step along the path that ran from chaos to agency, from susceptibility to control. The more aligned he became with his actual values—and the more consistent and coherent those values became—the closer he came to resemble a straightforward, deterministic machine, with inputs leading reliably and unambiguously to outputs. Like a weapon which, upon activation, invariably destroyed whatever object was fixed within its sights, instead of sometimes jamming, sometimes missing, sometimes breaking down or blowing up.
This was not, strictly speaking, a mistake. There was no subset of the Visser’s goals which would be better served by being less efficient, no value expected from being less capable (or becoming more capable less rapidly). Rather, it was a tradeoff—an increase in the ability to achieve those goals, paid for by an increase in the likelihood of their being achieved.
There were parts of the Visser which, hearing that, would have known to be wary—as the Andalite war-father, as the prodigal child of Cirran, he was far from ignorant of the reality of unintended consequences. Those parts would have responded with greater thought, greater caution, more nuanced policy—an increase in the ratio of signal to noise.
But they did not—
—in a very real sense could not—
—respond by causing the greater system that was his self and his purpose to become any less of what it already was. The one thing the sculptor could not do was cease to sculpt, and so the Visser—who was, after all, quite young, whose elder parts even had mere millennia of experience, and that limited to the banks of a single, muddy pond—carried inexorably onward down a path that grew narrower with every step, toward a destination ever less ambiguous.
In many ways, that was the whole point.
* * *
JAKE
Four years.
I lay awake on the narrow cot, eyes open, the soft glow of the walls turned all the way down until it was no brighter than a nightlight.
She was a Controller for four years.
It was four in the morning by the ship’s clock, and I couldn’t fall asleep. Marco’s mom had stayed to talk for hours—the all-business talk I’d been putting off, that I’d been half-hoping we wouldn’t get to before the Ellimist sent us home. It wasn’t like we needed to drag the real Mrs. Levy through it all over again, make her relive all of it—not when we had her morph pattern.
But she’d insisted, and pretty soon it was clear that she was getting something out of it—something more than just the knowledge that she’d passed along the information. Some kind of catharsis, or maybe some savage satisfaction—
I wasn’t sure. I was exhausted, drained—had been awake for almost twenty-four hours, and my thoughts were frayed, wired, twitching.
Four years.
She had shrugged, when I asked about it—hadn’t understood it any better than we did, didn’t think Visser One—who she called Edriss—understood, either. Time travel, alternate realities, the gods messing with their memories—
Edriss had left the Yeerk homeworld four years ago, during the first wave of the diaspora, after Visser Three—just Esplin, back then—had taken over Alloran’s ship and punched a hole through the unsuspecting Andalite blockade in orbit. She’d been given control of a Gedd body and an Andalite cradle, and a portable Kandrona—
“What?” I’d asked.
“A portable Kandrona. Basically an overpowered UV spotlight. It gives off a combination of three specific wavelengths of radiation that feed a certain kind of photosynthetic microorganism in the Yeerk tissue, and then that microorganism’s excreta feeds the larger Yeerk.”
“That’s not what kandrona—”
“I know.”
—and been sent off to look for viable infestation targets, along with a hundred other Yeerks sent off in a hundred other directions. She’d found Earth—taken a series of hosts, ending with Marco’s mother—and then—
“Elfangor? Like—the Elfangor?”
“He wasn’t the Elfangor back then. Just a lost first-year ensign—the sole survivor of a deep-space Andalite patrol ship ambushed by one of Visser Three’s convoys. The hyperdrive on his cradle malfunctioned during his escape, and he spent nearly a month making a few thousand uncontrolled jumps a day until he ended up around the orbit of Saturn and limped his way in-system.”
They had met—fought—left the system—Elfangor in Edriss’s stolen cradle, and Edriss aboard a ship piloted by something called a Skrit Na. There had been a chase—an alliance of convenience against a mutual enemy called the Helmacrons—and then—
“They called it the Time Lattice.”
A machine of some kind, impossibly advanced, with unknown capabilities. The Helmacrons hadn’t built it, they were just looking for it.
“A time machine?”
“So they thought.”
“Ax—Helium, I mean—he says time travel is impossible. Ruled out by physics.”
“It is. In this universe, anyway.”
They had betrayed each other—Edriss and Elfangor both—and in the end, Elfangor had been the first to reach the chamber where the mysterious device was hidden. He’d run ahead, entered alone, and by the time Edriss and Elena had arrived—
“He was gone. Vanished into thin air. We had no choice—the Helmacrons were right behind us—”
They had touched the strange, featureless sphere, and suddenly found themselves aboard an Andalite vessel in the skies over the Yeerk homeworld, just as it was overrun by Gedd controllers wielding clubs and stone knives and the occasional stolen Andalite shredder.
“We didn’t know what happened. We didn’t know how it happened. We thought—at first—time travel—”
But it hadn’t been time travel. At least, it hadn’t been just time travel. They’d been thrust back into the moment of Visser Three’s betrayal, the beginning of the war—but they hadn’t moved back in time. Later, when Edriss was once more given an Andalite cradle—this time in Mrs. Levy’s body, which she pretended had come from a creature the Andalites had been holding prisoner—when they traveled back to Earth, to gather evidence to convince the Yeerk council—
It was the same year. The same day, according to human calendars. Edriss had landed in New York, and quietly checked the internet for news from Ventura, and had discovered that Elena Levy had been missing for nine days—exactly as long as it had been, in their own personal timeline, since they had abandoned her sailboat on the far side of Santa Rosa island, and boarded the passing Skrit Na freighter.
“We never figured it out,” Mrs. Levy had said. “Whether we’d skipped universes, or created another universe, or created a time loop, or hallucinated the whole thing—it seemed like Elfangor might have known something, he was unbelievably quick on the uptake after the war got into full swing, became an officer after he pre-empted the surprise attack on Melpomenia. But we never managed to contact him to ask.”
“But the Yeerks,” I’d objected. “Once Edriss went into the pool, to feed—”
“They have incredibly fine control over memory, and memory storage, and memory transfer,” Mrs. Levy explained. “That’s how they mix and match to create the perfect Yeerk for each host. Edriss—she left the parts of herself that knew something was wrong inside my head. It wasn’t a perfect solution—she couldn’t do it for very long, and she nearly starved. She threatened to kill me, to hunt down Marco and Peter, if I said anything while I was in the cages. But she lasted long enough that no one suspected a thing until she made it back to her home pool. That’s when she was promoted to Visser One.”
“The other Yeerks—Essak, and Temrash, and Ter—Perdão—”
“They don’t know. Visser Three doesn’t know. The Sulp Niar coalescion kept it a secret—even then, there was suspicion about Esplin, his refusal to join the sharing, and his spies were everywhere. There wasn’t much they could do with the knowledge, anyway. Edriss had already given them all the information she knew about what was coming next. And when they sent an expeditionary force out to the cavern where the Time Lattice had been hidden, it was empty.”
“Does Marco know? That you—that you’re not—”
“He morphed me, remember?”
“Ah. Right.”
“But anyway, as far as we can tell, I am. All of the memories line up. Everything Marco remembers, everything that happened to me, it all checks out. We—Edriss and I—we even tracked down the Skrit Na freighter last year. They remember picking me up, remember following Elfangor out of the system.”
“But the war—”
Marco’s mother had shrugged again, helplessly. “It diverged almost immediately.”
And Edriss—and even, to some extent, Mrs. Levy—they had both just—
Gotten on with their lives.
Shrugged it off, basically, especially once the rest of the universe caught up, and their special advantage stopped mattering.
I could understand that. It seemed crazy, on the surface, but—
I mean, there were days when I forgot that I’d even had a life, before that night in the construction site. Days when it seemed perfectly normal that I could turn into animals, days when I didn’t even really think about the fact that I had died twice.
I guess people just adapt.
But there was some part of me that was resisting, a little. That didn’t want to sweep it all under the rug just yet—that wanted to spend at least one night thinking about it, before throwing up my hands and saying oh, well, I guess the Ellimist and Crayak were just messing around.
It seemed like a clue. A puzzle piece. Some hint as to what was really going on, how this was all supposed to play out. We’d started out trying to save humanity from the Yeerks. Then we’d switched to trying to save humanity from Visser Three. Then we’d decided we had to save the galaxy from Visser Three. Now—
Now what?
What were we supposed to do? Which of the hundred interlocking games of interdimensional chess were we even capable of influencing?
I didn’t know, and I wanted so very badly to not care. To give up. To rest. To sleep. There was a part of me that didn’t even care anymore whether I made it through this war alive—a part of me that didn’t want to make it through alive.
‹Helium,› I whispered, because of course I was in morph—always in morph, always on guard, I’d probably spent less than an hour in my own real body since we’d boarded the Bug fighter, had demorphed and remorphed in the middle of crying while Marco’s mom had still been in the room—
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹How are we doing?›
‹No change, Prince Jake. We are currently midway between the planet of the Arn and the Hawjabran Expanse.›
‹Still no sign of any other ships?›
‹No, Prince Jake. As we explained before, the odds of encountering another ship this far from any known planets or commerce lanes—›
‹Sorry. Just—let me know if anything weird pops up.›
‹As always, Prince Jake.›
Silence.
I had bargained with the Ellimist about our return to Earth, had gotten it to promise—whatever that was worth—that it would bring us back smart. That it wouldn’t dump us in front of a moving car, or leave us out in space where the Earth used to be, when we left—that it would put us back under circumstances that we ourselves would approve of, if we understood everything that was going on and all of the ramifications of being in a certain place at a certain time, with no genie tricks.
I’d thought, once we had picked up Marco’s mother, that that was it.
Then I’d thought it would be over once we’d ransacked Quatazhinnikon’s lab, taking what we could and destroying the rest.
But there’d been no word, no visits from the strange blue avatar, no sudden teleportation. We’d boarded Visser One’s Bug fighter, escaping the system just ahead of a small fleet that dropped out of Z-space as we left orbit—we didn’t know whether they were Visser Three’s allies, or Council police sent to capture Edriss—and had been hiding out ever since, crawling through the vast, unpopulated spaces between star systems, slowly making our way toward the Andalite homeworld for lack of any better ideas.
A part of me had tensed as Mrs. Levy left the room, thinking that maybe the Ellimist had just been waiting for that conversation to happen. But she’d been gone for half an hour, and still we drifted.
It’s probably got something to do with the situation on Earth. Waiting for the right moment for us to reappear, as opposed to waiting for us to be done out here—
Or not.
Who knows.
Nothing I could do about it.
You’re tired and not thinking straight.
Maybe.
Nothing I could do about it.
I waited passively—restlessly—resentfully—for my brain to produce its next thought, since it was clear it wasn’t going to let me fall asleep any time soon.
Eventually—
‹Marco.›
Not just Marco. The Marco—my Marco, the one who’d been with me in Finland, the one who’d remained outside of the weird hive-mind mind-meld with the fragments of Visser One.
‹Whaddup, Fearless Leader.›
I winced. Marco’s voice in my head was bright, cheerful, almost peppy. Like he was making absolutely sure not to let any stress leak through from him to me—
Or he’s just actually in a good mood and it’s not about you.
Tired.
‹What’s new?› I asked.
‹Uh. Well, most recently, we had this idea that maybe we should just straight resurrect Quatazhinnikon, since doing everything fifteen minutes at a time was a bit of a pain and it means one of us is stuck in custody if we want to turn his expertise over to the military or whatever.›
I sent a mental question mark.
‹Well, the thought was that—since the anti-infestation tech means he wouldn’t go through a coma afterward, and since his whole deal is being afraid of meteor impacts—›
Oh. Right.
Visser Three had hit Ventura with a meteor. Just, like, as a move.
Quatazhinnikon would probably Not Be Okay With That.
‹So—›
‹Didn’t pan out. We tried waking him up and explaining the situation, and it turns out finding out that V3 throws meteors around just made him more unwilling to piss the guy off. Like, he immediately switched from willing partner to cringing minion.›
I sighed aloud, letting the disappointment trickle out of me. There wasn’t much, since I’d only been excited for about three seconds, but—
‹What else?›
‹Well, we’ve pulled everything we think we’re going to get about the stuff Q was working on for Visser Three. A lot of it we can probably do something about, if we can talk to the right people, but a lot depends on whether the Ellimist sends us back with the equipment we stole or not. A bunch of the machines weren’t built by Q, so he doesn’t know how to recreate them, and I don’t know much about going from a genetic code to an actual living virus, or whatever.›
‹What about Visser One?›
‹You mean Visser One-Quarter?›
There was a silence.
‹You can’t see it, but I’m doing finger guns right now.›
Marco, I’m really tired—
‹Sure,› I said.
‹See, because there’s four of them, right—›
‹Are you doing this bit for you, or for me?›
Another silence, one I couldn’t help but interpret as hurt.
‹Sorry,› I began. ‹I’m just—›
‹It’s fine, buddy,› Marco said, his voice light and relaxed.
‹Yeah, but I—›
‹Seriously, don’t worry about it.›
‹Can you just—›
‹Jake—›
‹Marco.›
I sucked in a breath.
‹Sorry,› I repeated. ‹But can you, like, stop trying to—›
I paused, searching for the right words.
‹—to make my life easier, or something?›
Marco didn’t answer.
‹Like, stop tying yourself in knots, so that I won’t tie myself in knots, or whatever. I don’t know. I’m—it’s fine if I get mad, you know? Or sad or upset or whatever. I’m not—I’m not made of glass, I’m not gonna break. It feels like you’re bending over backwards to make sure you don’t tick me off—›
I paused, to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t. The silence stretched out.
‹I don’t want it to—to not be okay to shout, or something,› I continued. ‹Like you’re trying so hard not to piss me off that it—that I feel like I’m hurting you if I do.›
Seconds passed. Then—
‹Can I point out that I was in the middle of telling you it was fine to be mad?›
Just the tiniest bit of an edge to his voice. Just the tiniest bit of the real Marco showing through the cracks.
Why aren’t you more broken up about it? I’d asked, as my best friend had bled to death on the hillside.
Duh. I’ve got to keep you from going over the top.
‹Yes,› I said. ‹Point it out. Clap back, for god’s sake—stop—stop being the grownup.›
Another pause.
‹What exactly is it that you want here, man?›
I clenched my fists, alone on the cot in the tiny room. Just tell me what you want, so I can give it to you, no matter what it costs me…
‹Good question,› I said. ‹Give me a second.›
I’ll be there, I’d told his mother. I won’t leave him.
Somewhere in the back of my mind there was an alarm going off, telling me that I was too tired, too triggered—that this wasn’t the right moment, that I was going to end up saying a bunch of things I’d later regret.
But I’d been listening to that alarm for weeks. That’s how I’d ended up here.
I sucked in another deep breath.
‹I want you to apologize,› I said. ‹For doing this clone bullshit without telling us—without telling me. For me having to watch you die three times in one night. I want to talk about how you just straight-up murdered a POW—two POWs—in cold blood. I want to know what the f—the h—I want to know what on Earth you were thinking when you—you—you just threw away—after all your lectures about stakes, and perspective, and you just dropped everything to rescue your mom—and don’t you dare try to pull some crap like it was all about Visser One, because I swear to god—›
I broke off, my face burning, my chest heaving. Around me, the tiny room was very, very quiet.
‹I want to know why you’re so willing to just kill yourself, like it doesn’t even matter as long as you’ve got copies left somewhere, were you even going to check in before you decided to just sacrifice yourself to make a Quat clone—›
I kept waiting for a Jake, buddy, but Marco kept saying nothing.
‹—I want to know what’s wrong with you, if I can even trust you anymore, there are four of you walking around with Visser fucking One in their heads and you’re cracking jokes like it’s just some regular Tuesday and you won’t—you haven’t—you keep trying to—to protect me or something, like—›
I broke off again, my cheeks flushing red for an entirely different reason, the sense that I had just veered dangerously close to something like like you think you’re better than me. Marco was better than me, at some things, and I’d pretty much rather die than twist our friendship into something where that wasn’t allowed, or was treated like it was somehow a threat to me—part of why I liked him was the ways he was better than me—
‹We used to just talk,› I said finally, feeling something loosen in my shoulders, like I’d turned a key. Feeling some of the heat leak out of my voice, leaving behind just a solid, heavy, metal kind of quality. ‹You know? No—no planning it out, no weighing it up, like you’re trying to figure out how to get your m—teachers to say yes to something. Not—not deciding whether or not we’re going to talk based on whether the other person can handle it—›
‹Yeah.›
I broke off mid-thought. There had been a lot in that single word—in the way that Marco had said it, the feel of the silence that followed.
‹Yeah?› I asked.
‹Yeah,› he repeated. ‹Okay. You’re right.›
I waited another pair of heartbeats, and then—
‹That’s it?›
I couldn’t have said, in that moment, whether I was making a joke, or twisting the knife, or genuinely looking for more, or what. Maybe all of them, a little bit. Maybe that was the point.
‹What do you want, you’re right and here’s a five-paragraph essay? Suck my dick, you win, I’ll cut it out. And I’m sorry.›
I mentally opened my mouth—
‹Jake.›
The word was quiet, soft, warm. I wanted to say vulnerable—a tone I hadn’t heard from him since the months after they found the boat.
‹I really am sorry.›
I waited.
‹I mean, I get it. What it—what I—did to you. Am doing. And I—›
I waited, what was left of the tension in my shoulders taut and vibrating.
‹You’re right. I could’ve just—I should have just told you, after you woke up.›
You didn’t tell me because it was easier for you that way. You knew what I’d say—you didn’t tell me because you knew what you were doing, and you thought you were going to get away with it—
The words formed in my mind, but there was no pressure to actually say them out loud. My inner Marco got it—meant it—believed it—admitted it.
‹Okay,› I said.
And then—
‹We’re still going to talk about the other stuff, though,› I warned.
There was the sound of a mental sigh, resigned but not reluctant. ‹Yeah, for sure,› Marco said. ‹Now?›
I squeezed my eyes shut in the darkened room, rubbing at my temples, where a dull throb had started up—unrelated, I was pretty sure, to the topic at hand.
‹It can wait,› I said. ‹For now—where were we? Before—›
‹Visser One.›
‹You mean Visser One-Quarter?›
I felt an appreciative chuckle ripple through my mind, and some last, lingering tension in my shoulders let go, and finally everything was back to normal.
At least, between me and this Marco.
‹So, for starters, it seems like she’s being pretty up-front. Part of that is because she knows we’re cross-checking everything with my mom, but she’s been pointing out stuff she could have pretty easily stayed quiet about. There’s no doubt she’s trying to establish herself as trustworthy and helpful, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t trustworthy and helpful. We are her only hope, at least in the short term, and she knows it.›
‹Anything useful?›
‹Not much, to be honest. Most of what she knows is only relevant to the bigger war. We’ve passed some stuff along to Helium, stuff that might be useful to the Andalites, and she’s had a couple of ideas about countermeasures to some of the V3 Quat stuff. But there’s just not a whole lot of direct intel.›
‹The codes? To control the other ships?›
‹She still hasn’t given those up. Still claims she absolutely will, when the moment comes. Mom confirms she’s seen them work, and according to Helium, the specific way she claims to have hardwired them in is plausible. Like, it’s not just made-up bullshit, and according to him, it’s pretty unlikely V3 would have found it and very unlikely he would have been able to do anything about it even if he did.›
Something about that tickled at the back of my mind, but I couldn’t draw out the thought, so I set it aside. I had another question anyway, one I wasn’t sure how to phrase—
Just ask, man.
‹All right,› I said. ‹Three pitchers of beer. How are they doing? The other Marcos, I mean. With—with all of it.›
I should have known the answer already—should have been checking, myself. But—
Well. I hadn’t, and that was just how it was.
‹Short version, they’re holding up,› Marco said. ‹I’m doing morph-checks twice a day, and they don’t seem to be Stockholming or anything like that. They’re not exactly having fun, but literal hive-minding is pretty cool. I’m sure that, in a pinch, Visser One could fuck them up pretty good, but my mom and Helium both agree that there’s pretty much zero risk of takeover, at this point. She’d have to, idk, make them trip and fall and hit their heads and then slither out and converge on just one of them, some shit like that.›
‹More subtle stuff? Emotional manipulation?›
‹They’re vulnerable, and they know it, but cross-checking with each other is a big help, and if she stops letting them cross-check with each other, that’ll be a red flag. ‘Course, we can’t really know in advance how good she might be at faking the cross-check, once they’re not literally in the same room, but they know that, too.›
‹What—›
I faltered.
Seriously, just spit it out. Wasn’t that the whole point of all that shouting two minutes ago?
‹How should I deal with them?› I asked bluntly, forcing the words out. ‹Like—how should I treat them. What—how should I—ugh. Tell me you get it.›
‹I get it.› Grimly. ‹Give me a second.›
I waited, the dull throb in my head growing slowly more intense. In the silence, my thoughts began scattering, wobbling. I was acutely aware that it was now four-thirty in the morning, that I’d eaten almost nothing for two days, that—
‹I think,› Marco said tentatively, snapping me out of it. ‹I think they understand. That you can’t treat them like they’re Marco.›
I felt myself frown. ‹You think?›
‹They get it. Or they will, once I point it out.›
‹Will they follow orders?›
A long silence.
‹Yeah.›
That didn’t sound very confident.
‹That didn’t sound very confident.›
‹Jake—›
‹Look, I’m not asking them to follow orders,› I said, cutting him off. ‹I just need to know what I’m dealing with, one way or the other. Are they on the team, or are they their own thing. Do we have, like, a Tobias-plus situation going on.›
There was another long silence, and when Marco finally answered, the words were heavy and reluctant. ‹They’ll follow orders, but look—›
‹What?›
‹You said no bullshit, so fine. No bullshit. You’ve got to let them decide it’s okay to die.›
I felt my breath hitch.
You can’t be more broken up about it than I am.
‹They respect you, Jake. I respect you. More than I did six months ago. If we’d tried doing it my way this whole time—›
He stopped, and started over again. ‹You’re the best guy we have for the job. But you’re not perfect, and one of the ways you’re not perfect is you—you’re not—ugh. Look—sometimes, it seems like you’re trying to—to make sure we all make it out of this thing alive, or something.›
Marco fell silent, and for a moment, I lay absolutely still, the words tumbling through my mind like a bunch of magnets, picking up all sorts of other things as they went.
‹It’s like—›
‹Shhhhh. Give me a minute.›
Elfangor. Elfangor had said something about this. Had sacrificed himself, so that Visser Three wouldn’t know we were there. Something about purchasing a small victory with his death.
And Alloran—the frozen Alloran I’d seen in Quatazhinnikon’s memory was absolutely a suicide bomber, by this point in the game.
There was something here, something more subtle than what Marco was saying—
Ah.
I laughed.
It wasn’t a happy laugh. But it wasn’t, like, a sad insane asylum laugh, either.
‹Jake?›
I wasn’t even sure I could explain, in words. It was more like, something I’d already known in words had actually clicked, had finally made sense down in my bones. And just saying the words again wouldn’t express the click—wouldn’t let Marco see the difference between me-thirty-seconds-ago and me-now.
‹Never mind,› I said. ‹Let’s just leave it at you win, I’ll cut it out.›
‹Okaaay,› Marco replied, and I could hear in his tone a reflection of the same uncertainty I’d had when he’d said the same thing to me.
It wasn’t that I’d been trying to make sure we all made it out of the war alive. I mean, I had been trying to do that, but that wasn’t exactly it.
‹You there, buddy?›
‹I’m here. Hang on, still thinking.›
It was that there were more than two buckets. There wasn’t just “alive” and “dead.” And there wasn’t just “trying to keep everyone alive” and “not trying.”
Save Erek. I’m going after the kid.
I’d tried to stop Cassie, in that moment. Would have tried to stop her yesterday, if the Ellimist had snapped his fingers and given me another chance.
I hadn’t tried to stop the Marcos, as we were making our way down the hillside. But I’d still resented them for it—still blamed them, somehow, for their sacrifices.
And not because I didn’t get it. Not because I thought there weren’t things worth dying for. At the very least, if I could give up my own life to end the war, to save everyone, I’d do it.
I’d been mad because I disagreed with them, about what they’d chosen to give up their lives for. Because I’d thought their lives were more valuable than what they were getting in return.
But just because I disagreed didn’t mean I was right.
It was obvious, when you put it like that—if you’d put it on a multiple choice test, I would’ve known it was the right answer to bubble in.
But I still would’ve gotten it wrong, in practice, right up until a minute ago.
‹Hey, uh, no pressure, but I can’t see your face, so if you could at least let me know you’re still there—›
‹Still here.›
I didn’t own any of them. They weren’t mine, even though we used words like my friend, my crush, my cousin.
And even if they were—
You can’t take it with you. That’s what my dad had always said—about money and possessions and stuff.
And maybe it was just the delirium talking—the fact that it was almost five in the morning and I hadn’t slept and was waiting for a god to throw us back into the meat grinder at any second. But suddenly the phrase what do you want to spend your life doing seemed profound and deep and meaningful in a way I’d never quite understood before.
Spend it, like literally spend it. Purchase something with it.
I’d been thinking—
I don’t know.
I guess, on some level, I’d been thinking that the war needed my eyes on it, or something. Needed my ongoing oversight—mine, and Marco’s, and Helium’s—would go off the rails, be somehow unwinnable, without us.
But we’d made it this far without Cassie. We’d made it this far without Elfangor. The Andalites had lost Alloran, their most brilliant strategist, and yes, they were losing, but they hadn’t lost. They’d hung on.
And the human race was in it. There were thousands of morphers, now, and factories all over the planet churning out Bug fighters and Dracon beams and repulsorlifts and force fields and hyperdrives and faster-than-light communicators.
It was like a weight was lifting off of my shoulders, and I wanted to laugh again, because the weight was having to stay alive. Feeling like I had to hang on, like it was my job to stick around. Thinking, on some level, that I—and Marco and Helium, too—was too important to sacrifice.
But, like, of course there were things we could buy that would be worth one of us dying. There were probably things we could buy that would be worth all of us dying—realistic things, I mean, not just crazy hypotheticals like “everyone lives happily ever after.” The death of Visser Three, a real treaty with the Andalites and the Yeerks. Even just half a million humans safely off-planet—that alone was worth every Animorph put together and then some.
What deeds would you do—what burdens would you shoulder—how far would you go, if the fate of your species hung in the balance?
I’d been operating under the assumption that the answer was as far as it takes.
But really it was just as far as I can.
And that was—
I couldn’t even really express how different. Not in words. I just felt it.
‹Okay, fine,› I said, surprised at how steady my mental voice was. ‹I get it. I won’t try to stop them—to stop you—from—›
Dying.
‹—from making the tough calls. But they—you—you guys gotta take into account that we’re depending on each other. We can’t just—can’t have columns just disappearing willy-nilly, you know? Holes in the formation.›
‹Okay,› Marco agreed. ‹Okay, yeah, that’s fair. But—›
I got an impression of something like a nervous gulp.
‹As far as that goes,› Marco said, ‹I think maybe the answer to your question is something like “don’t count on them,” then. Like, not only do we not know whether Visser One-Quarter might be waiting to pull the rug out, but also they’re in a pretty unique position to do some shit that nobody else can do. Spying, for instance. Coordinated strikes. We—we should really probably let them make those calls, without forcing them to check in. Like, obviously they should check in if they can, but—›
‹Yeah,› I said. ‹Yeah, okay. Go ahead and—I don’t know—pass that along, or whatever.›
‹One sec.›
I fidgeted in the darkness, feeling sort of wobbly and unbalanced. The steady, cautious, responsible parts of me were on yellow alert—suspicious of this newfound “clarity,” wary of the revelation, insisting that I sleep on it before carving it in stone. But like it or not, something had already shifted, something I didn’t see shifting back—
‹Okay. Everyone’s on the same—›
Blink.
‹—page. Fuck!›
There had been no warning, no sensation. We were simply back.
“Älä liiku!” shouted a tall, dark-haired boy, as he raised a rifle to his shoulder.
“Ante—no, stop, friends! Friends!” shouted Garrett.
I was on my feet in a cold, dark, high-ceilinged room with metal framing—some kind of garage or empty warehouse. Beside me were Marco and Helium; in front of me was Garrett, the tall boy, and—
“Rachel?” said Marco.
“Marco?” said the dark-haired boy.
There was a moment of mutual confusion, cut short by higher priorities.
“What’s wrong with her?” demanded Marco, sinking to his knees beside my cousin.
She was sitting, slumped, in one of those cheap folding camp chairs, her head resting on one shoulder, her eyes moving but unfocused. The tall boy didn’t respond—he was busy staring at Helium, his rifle only half-lowered.
“Where are we?” Marco said. “Why isn’t she—why aren’t we in the hospital? And who the fuck is he?”
“Ante,” said Garrett, as if that was an answer. “She—we think she had a stroke—”
Garrett explained, his summary swift and straightforward.
“Wait—the mothership blew up?”
“Three days ago, yeah.”
“She’s been like this for—”
“Just two days. We—we couldn’t go back to the hospital, because—”
I dropped back a few steps, keeping my face carefully still. ‹Helium,› I whispered, in private thought-speak.
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹Is the cradle still out there?›
‹The line is still functioning. We have not yet made contact.›
‹Can you see where the ship is? Read its sensors and stuff?›
‹We can open a read-only link, but we can’t guarantee that it will go undetected.›
‹Do it.›
I turned back to see that Garrett’s eyes were on me, his brow furrowed.
Two days. He’d only woken up two days ago…
‹Garrett. Jake here. Can you morph?›
Garrett’s head twitched, the shadow of a nod.
‹Can you morph yourself? Morph armor?›
A slight shake. No.
‹Okay. Tap your foot if you trust this Ante guy.›
Tap.
‹Tap your foot if you’ve morphed him and checked.›
Tap.
‹Tap your foot if I need to worry about Rachel right this minute.›
Nothing.
‹Tap your foot if there’s anything urgent you need to tell me that you can’t say out loud.›
Nothing.
“Okay,” I cut in, interrupting a back-and-forth between Marco and Ante. “Everybody pause.”
“Jake—”
“She’s been like this for two days, she’s not going to get worse in the next two minutes. I need you here.”
Marco’s face twisted, but he closed his mouth. Inside my head, the dull throb was swelling, climbing toward a viselike pressure.
Of course he’d bring us back now.
And then, on the heels of that thought—
No, but really. He picked a moment when you’re exhausted, burnt-out, not thinking straight—
“First thing’s first,” I said, feeling my jaw twitch. “Where’s Tobias?”
“Underwater somewhere,” Garrett answered. “That’s—that’s all we know.”
The Chee device.
“Marco. Did any of the Arn tech come back with you?”
Marco’s eyes widened and his hands went for his pockets.
“No.”
Dammit.
“Do you still have your phone?”
“Won’t work,” Garrett cut in.
“What? Why not?”
“Everything went down two hours ago,” said Ante. “Phones, TV, internet. Power’s still up, walkie-talkies still work. Elias and Juhani went out to see if they could get access to a car, find out if there’s any news coming over the radio.”
“How far away are cars?”
The boy grimaced. “Ten, twenty minutes.”
So they should’ve been back by now.
“No connection at all?”
“None.”
“Anything else? Any other—news?”
“No,” said Ante.
“Yes,” said Garrett.
They glared at each other for a moment.
“There were earthquakes about an hour and a half ago,” Garrett said flatly. “Tremors. A bunch of them.”
“I didn’t feel anything,” the taller boy protested.
“Good for you. I did.”
I turned to Marco. “Impacts?”
“Nukes, maybe? Either way, sounds like our boy V3 is back.”
“Or they could be deadman switches.”
“Three days after the fact?”
Throb.
“Helium, what do you have for me?”
‹The cradle is currently grounded at a facility in Greenland. It is occupied, and transmissions are being sent and received every few seconds. We cannot access them without triggering alerts. Thus far, the occupants have not given any sign of noticing the passive link.›
“Is the cradle charged-up? Fueled? Whatever?”
‹Yes.›
“Could you talk to the people inside it?”
‹Yes. Do you want us to?›
“Not yet. Marco—what will the others do? Your—Magellan, and the rest of them.”
Marco frowned. “They’ll be trying to contact us. Once that doesn’t work—”
He broke off. “Wait. You. Auntie Anne. Where are we?”
The tall boy said a jumble of incomprehensible syllables, and Marco sighed.
“How far are we from the hospital?”
“Thirty kilometers.”
Marco locked eyes with me. “So it put us back, pretty much, with smart adjustment.”
I nodded.
“Are we talking in front of this guy?”
“Rachel gave him the morphing power,” Garrett said. “Before I woke up. She trusts him.”
“Ah, great, as long as Rachel trusts him—”
“Marco.”
“Sorry. If we all got put back smart, then they’re in Cape Town, Moscow, Berlin, and—I don’t know what would have happened to the one on the plane, but he’s either in Rio de Janeiro or—I don’t know what.”
“Will they stay put? Or will they try to find us?”
“They know we’ve got the cradle, but—okay, let me think—once they find out the mothership was destroyed, they won’t assume the cradle is necessarily still in play—and if we can’t use the message drops—”
His frown deepened, and I bit off the urge to push, held back and let him think.
“They’ll be in touch with each other,” he murmured. “They’ll be trying to get on top of the situation—”
He broke off. “Ante,” he said.
“Mitä?”
“Okay, I’m gonna assume that means yeah?—what did the broadcast say? Like, you said there was some message, on the night the mothership blew up—what exactly did it say? Like, what has everybody been up to the last couple of days?”
“Uh. I didn’t write it down. It said—Telor has killed itself, and tried to kill Visser Three at the same time. Yeerk reinforcements would be arriving in…I think it’s now two-to-eight days? It said to act now—attack Mars, launch arks, set up response teams—”
“What were people doing, up until two hours ago?”
“Uh. Most major cities were evacuating, and I think they did send some ships to Mars, but a lot of the military stuff is secret, of course—”
“What’s up with the arks thing?”
“There’ve been rumors ever since Ventura that the Y.E.M. was building ships to get a bunch of colony groups off-planet—”
“Who the fuck is—never mind. Are they real? Are there actual arks?”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t ever find out. I’m just—”
“Just a kid, yeah. I guess height isn’t everything.”
“Is he always this much of a dick?” Ante muttered.
“Yes,” Garrett said.
Marco turned back to me. “I think—I think they’ll try to get in touch with Tyagi, they know we’re trying to get in touch with Tyagi, if we can’t communicate with each other that’s the obvious next rendezvous. I think they’ll stay put for maybe twenty-four hours. I would stay put for twenty-four hours, and then I’d move. It takes, what, a couple of hours to get from place to place, in a Bug fighter or a cradle?”
“Helium?”
‹Yes.›
We really should’ve thought of this. We really, really should have. Had one of the Edriss shards crawl into my Marco, or something—
Too late. Play the hand you’ve been dealt.
“Okay,” I said. “Okay. This is—we’re gonna need a minute.”
“A minute?” Ante said.
“Clock’s ticking,” Marco said. “The—guy—that just teleported us here, he doesn’t do much by accident. If we’re here two hours after the internet went down, and an hour and a half after a bunch of little earthquakes—that’s for a reason.”
Unless it had something to do with having just told the Controller-Marcos that they should trust their own judgment—
I made eye contact with my own Marco—
‹Yeah, I thought of that, too. They will, too, don’t worry.›
Too much. There were too many threads, too many variables.
“Okay,” I repeated. “Major players. World governments. Visser Three. Surviving Yeerks. Yeerk reinforcements.”
“Y.E.M.,” Ante said. “They’re a group of human-Yeerk collaborators, the ones who—well, they didn’t actually blow up the mothership, that was Telor, but they’re the ones who sent the messages afterward.”
“And us,” Garrett said.
“Yeah.”
I tried to prod my black box into motion.
You’re Tyagi, and the mothership has just been blown up.
You’re Visser Three, and the mothership has just been blown up.
You’re Tyagi, and the internet has just gone down, and—and there are earthquakes.
You’re Visser Three, and you’ve just killed the internet—
I closed my eyes, the sharp, screaming pain of my headache rising until it started to manifest as flashes of color in my field of vision—
I need more information.
You don’t have it. Decide anyway.
Visser Three—he hadn’t given up on taking the planet, or he would’ve just glassed the place. But—
Earthquakes.
In Finland.
If Garrett could feel earthquakes in Finland—
That meant that whatever was happening, it was big, because it almost certainly wasn’t close. The closest world-level-important city was what, Moscow? And that had to be five hundred miles away—
You’re Visser Three. They just tried to kill you. It—almost worked?
Three days. It had been three days.
It almost worked. Now you’re back, and—
Yeerk reinforcements.
Human ships, launching from the surface.
My mind tried to scroll through the list of things Quatazhinnikon had made, but it was too long, too complex. The Visser could do almost anything, with all of that—
“We need more information,” I said. “We need to get plugged in to—to somebody. Helium.”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Open a channel with the—wait, no. Can you power up the cradle? Bring it here?”
‹Yes. But the occupants—we can order the cradle to cloak itself, but we can’t jam communications from within. If the occupants have independent communications devices, there’s nothing stopping them from leading others right to us.›
I looked over at Marco, who shrugged. “Plan A is out the window,” he said. “We’re making this up as we go along.”
We needed info. More than that, we needed tech—Helium had said that the cradle could transmit the takeover codes to a ship or two at a time, but there was an entire fleet coming. Assuming the codes were real, assuming we were going to need them—
We needed to get in touch with the military.
And we needed the other Marcos—at least one of them.
We really, really, really should have planned for this—
“Marco,” I said. “They’ll wait for twenty-four hours?”
“Unless something’s actively blowing up. They know we need to get in contact, and they know what happens if everybody runs in circles trying to find everybody else. The one in Moscow is most likely to try the hardest to stay put, since he knows he’s closest to us.”
“Okay, powwow time.” I glanced over at Rachel. “Uh,” I said. “Rachel—sorry for talking about you in the third person, Rachel. Garrett, Ante. Is she—is she with us right now? Has she been, like, responsive at all?”
“She’s been in and out, but yes. She made some sounds a few times, and she’s done the blink-twice thing.”
“Okay. Rachel, you’re in this, too. Garrett, keep an eye on her, stop me if she’s trying to chime in.”
I looked around at the rest of them. “Item one, get mobile. Item two, get oriented on what’s happening. Item three, get in contact—with Tyagi if we can, Terra if we can’t, resistance groups if that’s all we can find. Yes, no?”
“Tyagi might not be happy to hear from us,” Marco pointed out. “Last she heard, we were going after Visser Three, and then we vanished and—didn’t Tom say they blew up Edwards? Or something?”
“Noted,” I said. “Garrett, can you still thoughtscream?”
“I haven’t tried since I woke up,” he said. “But I don’t see why not.”
A part of my brain offered up a lovely picture of everything-going-wrong, and all because something went wrong with Garrett’s brain chemistry during his resurrection. I stopped myself from looking over at Rachel—
“Morph. Now. Test it.”
“All I have is Rachel, Ante, and a bird.”
“Here,” Marco said, holding out an arm. “You probably ought to get filled in on the last few months, anyway.”
I glanced at Ante, saw him gnawing at his lip, visibly restraining himself.
“Rachel,” I said, stepping over to her chair and crouching down. “Can you hear me?”
“Mmmmmm,” she said.
“You been following all this?”
“Mmmmmm.”
“What’s one plus one?”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“Should I let this kid have a Marco morph?”
“I wasn’t—”
“Shhh, relax, I know you weren’t. That’s part of why I’m bothering to consider it. Rachel? One beep for yes, two beeps for no.”
“Mmmmmm.”
“Just double-checking, not trying to put pressure on you. Should I forbid Ante from having a Marco morph? One beep for yes, two beeps for no.”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“Welcome to the team, Mr. Whoever-the-fuck-you-are,” Marco said, holding out his arm. “I’m going to want to acquire you, too.”
“Helium,” I said. “If we ask you to bring the cradle straight here—”
“Not straight here,” Marco said. “Straight toward Helsinki, and then it goes cloak and swerves at the last minute.”
“Good catch. How long?”
‹At full burn, through the atmosphere, approximately one hundred minutes.›
“How long to go from cold to takeoff?”
‹Less than one minute.›
“Okay, here’s the plan. Helium powers up the ship, brings it toward us. We try to talk our way up to somebody important while it’s en route, and Helium does what he can with the sensors while it’s flying, see if we can’t figure out what’s going on. When it gets here, we either knock out the passengers or we cooperate with them, depending. If other ships show up, Garrett takes them out. Straight and dirty.”
There was a silence.
“This is a really shitty plan,” Marco said.
“Is that a ‘no’?”
“It’s a ‘let’s think about it for five minutes first.’”
We went back and forth for more like ten minutes, in the end, but we couldn’t come up with anything better. Just trying to communicate might mean that they’d lock the ship down somehow; splitting up might mean we would never find each other again; pulling the ship without saying anything at all would probably make them think it was Visser Three somehow, and who knew how panicked military types would respond to that—
“Tell them we have the cube,” Ante suggested.
“What? Why?”
Ante explained about his uncle, and what he’d said about the value of it.
“You’ve given a bunch of people the morphing power, right? So the military already knows about it?”
“Yeah.”
“If they know it’s here, they might not come in guns blazing. They probably want it.”
“Point,” Marco said. “Should we give it to them? Bargaining chip?”
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
“I want to say ‘yes,’” I said finally. “But I don’t know why.”
“Area 51,” Marco said. “You keep saving all your grenades for later, you die with like thirty of them in your inventory—”
Jesus.
That had been the last game we’d played. That night—the night of the construction site. We’d been leaving the arcade when we ran into Cassie and Rachel coming out of the food court—
Focus.
“If Visser Three’s cutting the internet and chucking nukes around—”
“If,” I said.
“Yeah, but—tell me you aren’t getting the sense we’re getting close to the endgame, here.”
I looked over at Rachel, slumped in the chair—at the empty space where Tobias would be—at the space that didn’t even feel empty anymore, where Cassie would have been.
We’d had options, in the original plan—had assumed we’d have options, and had made plans accordingly. Now, we were down to one single, obvious, viable asset—the cradle—and the clock was ticking.
What if the cradle had been destroyed along with the mothership?
My shoulder Marco laughed bitterly, and said something about dominoes.
“Yeah, all right,” I said. “Bargaining chips: cube, codes, cradle. Risks: they’re pissed about Edwards, they think we’re with Visser Three, they’re with Visser Three.”
I turned to look at Ante. “You. I don’t know you, but Rachel vouches for you. You in, or out?”
The blood drained from the tall boy’s face as he opened his mouth and no words came out.
“Rephrase. You’ve got—let’s say one hour, to make up your mind. Once that ship is forty minutes out, you’re either with us, or you’re gone.”
“Elias—Juhani—”
“Your friends?”
He nodded.
I shrugged. “They aren’t here.”
A part of me wondered where my brother Tom might be, right at that very moment—
No.
“Last chance,” I called out. “Ideas and objections.”
No one spoke.
“Anybody think we should be taking more time on this?”
There was a silence, followed by the whisper of thought-speak.
‹Like the wind in thought and deed.›
“Weird flex, but okay,” said Marco. “I vote go.”
“Go,” said Garrett.
“Mmmmmm,” said Rachel.
I looked at Ante.
He swallowed. “Go.”
It was the least okay I’d ever felt about a plan. But in the end, it still felt better than doing nothing.
“Helium,” I said. “Open a channel.”
Chapter 57: Interlude 17
Chapter Text
For the first time in millennia, the ship awoke.
Awoke, for though it was not sapient, it nevertheless possessed some degree of sentience, was something more than simple machine. Awoke, for though it was not fully alive and aware, its makers had been beings of experience and joy, and had done their best to make joy available to all things within their reach, even their tools.
It awoke, because the Key had returned.
The ship quivered. It was a necessary process, and a mechanical one—a brief surge of energy through lines long dormant, a diagnostic flexing of hinges. Outwardly—had there been any to see, down there in the deep and endless dark—it appeared almost to perk up, after the fashion of a dog hearing the jingle of keys outside the door. This was no coincidence—no mere accident of projection—for its makers had wanted it to be capable of something like excitement, and had shaped its outward expression to match its inward mood. It could not know what was next—could not in any specific fashion predict or anticipate. But it knew that something was happening, and with that knowledge came an eagerness of sorts. A desire to please, a thrill of something like purpose.
As much as the ship could want, it wanted to help, and there had been so little to do for so very, very long.
Gently, carefully, the ship settled back into the soft, silty sediment of its bed, making sure not to disturb the lifeline that snaked away beneath it into the crack of the geothermal vent. The Key was approaching slowly, meanderingly, as if uncertain, or perhaps in need of help—
The ship sent out a signal.
The Key paused in its approach—paused, and seemed to wiggle, then resumed its slow and fitful progress.
The ship sent out a sound.
The Key paused again, longer this time.
The ship turned on a light.
There, it might have thought, had it had the ability. Since it did not, it felt only a warm glow of pleasure, a shadow of pride and accomplishment. The Key had begun moving again, and its progress was rapid, and direct.
The holder of the Key was a shape the ship did not recognize, for it had spent only a very short time in the water before its masters had sent it to sleep. But it had tentacles—ten of them! Two of them longer!—and a long, dartlike body with two bright circles the ship recognized as eyes. It was a fascinating creature—
—in historical fact because the ship’s makers had instructed the ship to record, and analyze, but in so doing they had sought to teach their creation why, and thus instill it with a nascent, independent hunger for understanding, that it might appreciate and cooperate with its intended purpose, and not be either enslaved or insensible.
There was, to the ship’s discerning sensors, a bright light shimmering like a halo around the creature’s eyes, and its nose, and at the roots of its many flexible arms. The light pulsed and twinkled, vibrating in a pattern that the ship recognized at once—
—for it was linked by gentle embrace with its makers’ other children, the Friends, and could know anything they knew—
—as Tobias.
Tobias, who had lived in one of the sanctuaries for a week, who had been in pain—so much pain—but who had loved and been loved by the dogs, who had sat up in his bed and expressed delight at the antics of Peaches and Melody, had thrown the stick for Waffles and Biscuit and Pancake, had scritched and scratched and patted and tickled Boots and Gulliver and Bluebell and Abby, had even let Astro curl up on his chest one night.
The ship liked Tobias.
It opened a hatch, began preparing a bubble—then noticed that Tobias was shrinking, hardening, his many legs withering and retracting.
That’s right, it would have said to itself—if indeed it had a voice, if indeed it could listen. Tobias was often in human form, like the Friends. Tobias lived on the surface, and would need—
Quickly, the ship opened vents, activated fans, began adjusting the mix of gases in its interior, raising the temperature to something like what could be found above the water. Fortunately, the changes were small—the needs of humans were simple, and not much different from the needs of the masters.
And light—for a moment, the ship was almost distracted, for it had turned on the power in preparation for Tobias’s arrival, and was elated—enthralled—entranced by the return of shape and color, the reawakening of the inner landscape that had brought its masters so much joy, and which they had of course shaped the ship to love as well. There were grasses of green and purple, planted in swirls and checkerboards; trees and bushes in fantastic, fractal shapes, forking and spiraling; rocks grown and carved in towers, arches, pillars, sculptures of fragile beauty and impossible complexity. Shadows of pink and blue and yellow rippled through the air, bending and shattering the light into millions of sparkling shades—
Do humans have other senses?
The ship wondered, and the Friends answered, their knowledge flowing through the link between them, and it wasn’t long before the space was full of the sounds of bubbling water, laughing children, echoing laserfire—the air, scented with bubblegum and burning wood and pepperoni pizza and petrichor—
The Friends, looking on, raised a cautious objection.
Too much, they whispered.
Simple. The humans were simple creatures, with simple delights. One smell would be enough. One sound. No need at all for the fleet of tiny drones, with which the ship had planned to tickle and stimulate Tobias’s skin. No need for the complex cocktail of chemicals to soothe away his pain, dissolve him in the sensation of welcome—
The watchful Friends transmitted their approval.
Tobias, straightening, pressed a hand against the door, and the ship yielded, letting him in.
And then, a thing happened which had happened only once before, in the ship’s long and careful memory—the Friends withdrew, closing the active connection entirely, leaving the ship utterly alone.
There was distress, then, or at least its shadow, for the ship also remembered what had happened next, last time—
“Pizza?” Tobias murmured.
The ship decoded the sounds—for though the Friends themselves had withdrawn, their knowledge was still at its disposal—and felt delight that it had succeeded in its reproduction, for the word “pizza” was indeed strongly associated with the particles it had produced and dispersed. And it knew—could tell, by comparison with that same bank of knowledge—that the look on Tobias’s face was one of awe, and wonder, and appreciation.
“Just needs a little garlic and a bit of oregano.”
The ship processed, and exerted itself again—
Tobias froze in his tracks.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said aloud.
The ship paused, uncertain, almost anxious—
“Can you—can you hear me? Is someone listening?”
Relief. The ship did not know, exactly, how human speech worked—did not have anything resembling an explicit model of grammar or syntax. But it could access every conversation the Friends had ever recorded, and could select, from among them, series of sounds which had historically produced reassurance, satisfaction, and—eventually—happiness, and it had many, many more examples to choose from in response to Tobias’s fourth set of utterances than his third.
“Yes,” the ship said. “Me.”
Who are you, the ship predicted—not the meaning, but the string of sounds—and when Tobias responded exactly as expected, the ship’s relief cascaded over into elation.
“I am home,” the ship answered, with pride and astonishment at its own cleverness, having managed to find among the hundreds of thousands of human sounds a string that not only matched its nature and purpose, but was also spoken in the same sorts of places where Tobias could be found, unlike oikos or jiā or É.
There was a pause, and then—
“The home of the Chee?”
Joy.
“The Chee, yes! And the Pemalites. Welcome!”
Tobias did not move, and the ship searched its memory again. It knew that conversations could be like this, back and forth without regular alternation—knew that there could be long, long stretches of time between moments of fulfillment. It cobbled together a new set of sounds, less confident this time—
“Is there something that you want? Something that I can help with?”
So engrossing was this task that the ship entirely forgot its earlier apprehension, its premonition of dread. It oriented itself entirely around its strange and wonderful visitor, poured every scrap of power and intelligence into the interaction.
“I don’t know,” Tobias said. “I was—uh—one of the Chee gave me this.”
He held up a hand.
“That is the Key!” the ship said, once again feeling the sheer pleasure of rightness that came with finding exactly the perfect set of sounds to convey its intended meaning.
“The…key…” said Tobias. “The key to what?”
“To me!” the ship exclaimed.
“Uh. Does it—does it start you, or something? Unlock something?”
If the ship had had a human body, human instincts, it might have screwed up its face in concentration, set its jaw in determination. It might have thought, to itself, this is a hard one—a phrase which it could, in theory, have accessed, were it not so focused on the search for links between key, start, and unlock.
But though it had the experience of something like grit, its actions were not voluntary—did not actually spring from anything resembling desire. It simply had to proceed—had been shaped to garner incidental pleasure from actions that were wholly deterministic. Its purpose was to serve, and to serve the holder of the Key doubly so, and thus it bent to its task with the inexorable fortitude of a boulder tumbling down a hill.
Car.
Engine.
Door.
Ignite.
Safe.
Lock.
Open.
The cloud of words expanded, the prediction assembling itself, new words being added as the ship sought referents for the meaning it wished to convey, balanced the expected gain of further processing against the cost of continued delay, as measured in units of predicted-Tobias-happiness—
“Not that sort of key metaphorical to unlock tasks functions me there are spaces things control? With the Key I help without limit all purpose available to you.”
Tobias’s face made the shape of confusion and unhappiness, and the ship experienced proportional distress—
“Can you say that again? Maybe slower?”
The distress vanished. That one was easy!
“Not! That! Sort! Of! Key! Metaphorical! To unlock! Tasks! Functions! Me! There are! Spaces! Things! Control! With the Key! I! Help! Without limit! All purpose! Available! To you!”
Tobias tilted his head, and the ship was delighted to see only confusion, this time, the shadow of unhappiness having been banished by its skillful compliance. They were making progress, together…
Chapter 58: Interlude 18
Notes:
Full update coming within the next 8-16h
Chapter Text
███████████████
CMMSRC: THL
NCR: 22948734411876836260572105427251404008297083681061738676414802668295129980374460682496987883787967166363426763641022421935422085191868606885855396543025316548504514621314226508095825727880165181269061087913489796080260444208706468595192381694678222118387174694916921168549462995838890872348318963271665384112283238298989658304510028442494269779283690507386454136812306410183420573078435446243946273238937994429308606243093149215809480488392060512787508740601240832057093541732344857879762690150598630682668383665627020485048125533730542643314184856900330332563308629900617585218320077398218989683492034320521534195375106793570613922855828572930498515684527819554195838985922171725919892130766393810770986828878152394827873714771878808659342295537824526325669529928360150960243569840911019510333001089136996145584601481025360605437167900247898520557353152310897391299560780823962617863519610057455794380438771513378761880923667312379760553773129072308103562071693594498807458405272352180978520274229750729860550775207688856840040854707406401571771138641608637246196050758883622120665644236660502864212273918104488084700334962281441528975027421750930127791669482293821892831741955318718564086399195753060451462887742772176228670475968276714359604027445802472863297414462902062234290736468757999601260552654635850966673228261166395860603451257770032726457658168153082637607823456286242997853358509413109829560012108921408541919286587450693606954226571715886217531156430432606778757826454978908766226653814001916893509259008151292741019846029426735109264456810834720909407624241150114126132395937108579068272884941704028673707916632858870952314823814402216123373495516769233168344757028121371695910135697927989549876050409129097628735795268749498553094285237975733193020569092412169373403452497940505136522709706112072357374956729956578490957109699910124163104145095609951545287349751826723935164823604328106646055008783961155280329912234761034138155414383516953852948739191222422913888997153778804267809185571685287026625894576122596342497263374859429463118512398559956902456898625327470608329313676980440672854721385459608367950280934589535851338281683888649326302734388979147525208592324151708628485921474331370516246606423144747982020500116241831116923662834115924382108940843585075755473015362487294955965508771532718566750102599396621021400382829535316359752814210118856302259455641430554951863609433595002441043366564166489680435174745969575283024720201907493971773699014268182592219877030725708079457940603389044107536386209474737117095828274131562871488512325756954423430284867327932585932609156470394595336555105905276219495823946925319140528931098070088494036468802376599607188812818410866969546348101631854955145752274005401375251602505392653176791649977540497289495314714068934638132120578456228262599892147551664008209240444393433015207459443702652755540785119960291207529706931060381566072838299104878882024601795982547839916049666893223912689797394577369731298243636528693969888307661089977896059328643386392951278861055159736628253467467012426102079623697580635580663800638584961179529309365813139022835233783317651952116957875702642826167198087065454251187718200894945006730151477909185102026636085181771436372168334987272639083212701867677050324201786569749266243617756718615023436468912294315319008188626917895843867926369445712946631290244486686680780601262325114753254020226863425006593199318134744798325082971637904150889935110134954430553995998957336201042652660968980587674453806997287067202128209697563214825881856178194223758553960802809536826993028296873360815293881759589233829511450767827950511477281768751875439747998377492840065971107570674532080535509950974556955987319362429052683238992166803389064270773406305242865579720857809096910983707863666129698003592063998224889960246650868303377465945651441036737601307210000412723631627631749436490858853226470475637599944622326989862336182473699983515784462655331233863138425100145139286571583560175891836030494000228558058115498480645554218035903688467585165964094743630219349075192168411460789906581668919748598807857598216166898398846803732617479599086440310881672349061381061090110594839083545938545710464312467799828779023284834433755309414676937497509560592587259741732157212138920358730808940391294383787472855577972979697458679909936131424116191874855590914423414897681032267028280617704837005175799824253653547170293591594112483852628619571310926918925353875526261646098352360268747605898219359900804745537383490287479425670065880903474405962668989599978513863444130665670457066693167195704241154705647351571749076166622749939884321030045304813844234871309701849925606094052692533464590679848631136012592007194611336399680145850768785336937052617577955710650407238614262470799592702393808537361083722402699478230736235408702403939850190680971468919665077004012924984942389651602093129884858203419818089242276659890227853847662101266120906782234551865941965049067463638062369481157973299123297135253300459991934311282070420407168005507163648209759554244908344609734677306541370290955811395073331839382161508460021262766864624915061598971216430296800383245939810640071819865723059327087622106906760805523502847810160115102248827749163231471891164528366135514113121955176312490827125292666127643567185831764364363046236851445447502993063273531602956216935646099641810796768276361909760238615920896778867905155379876845992261228919535339753941637119978871505491596437199599222695814748560273820816798820774309421683614520191702020072875858804580960925335070925860481628378092485410212380580206173210438078484937820420117663676202141904373736494001062306075105187024275077081511249187805906719733032002961852036449775693800088004435958304726436229413277879605683233342000675641362933658669818493377315737350528460496208932041359595137108487119243733161465828343729440236935528526740165383239406341914497396587302593611031649696070784781949894311631032908806957105255419290981395786137298327411486501806388537313004900639
RCP: PX:N.T.
STAT: RCVD
SBJ: LIST (INCOMPLETE)
MSG:
Tokyo (38.1)
Seoul (25.6)
Beijing (24.0)
New York (20.3)
Moscow (20.0)
Los Angeles (18.8)
London (14.0)
Paris (12.5)
SF Bay (incl. Silicon Valley (8.8)
Dallas-Fort Worth (7.5)
Hong Kong (7.3)
Taipei (7.0)
Washington, D.C. (6.2)
Atlanta (5.9)
Singapore (5.6)
Sydney (5.2)
Melbourne (4.9)
Boston (4.7)
Berlin (3.7)
Seattle (3.5)
Toronto (2.9)
Chicago (2.8)
Houston (2.3)
Vienna (1.9)
Jerusalem (1.2)
Amsterdam (0.8)
Cambridge, MA (0.1)
Cherry Hill, NJ (0.1)
Murray Hill, NJ (0.1)
Palmdale, CA (0.1)
Marietta, GA (0.1)
Los Alamos, NM (0.1)
Oak Ridge, TN (0.1)
Batavia, IL (0.1)
CERN (0.1)
Garching bei München (0.1)
Ft. Bragg (0.2)
Ft. Campbell (0.2)
Ft. Hood (0.2)
JBLM (0.2)
Ft. Benning (0.1)
Anderson AFB (Guam)
Balad AB (Iraq)
Bezmer (Bulgaria)
Diego Garcia (Indian Ocean)
Camp Fuji (Japan)
MCAS Iwakuni (Japan)
Camp Santiago (Puerto Rico)
Kadena AB (Japan)
NS Rota (Spain)
Current estimated casualties: 257.3M (±100M)
Estimated unlisted: 100M (±10M)
Estimated projected (e.g. famine): 500M (±500M)
Confirmed untargeted:
SHANGHAI
JAKARTA
GUANGZHOU
MANILA
SHENZHEN
DELHI
MEXICO CITY
SÃO PAULO
LAGOS
MUMBAI
CAIRO
KYOTO
WUHAN
CHENGDU
DHAKA
CHONGQING
KARACHI
TIANJIN
ISTANBUL
BANGKOK
KOLKATA
TEHRAN
HANGZHOU
SURABAYA
BUENOS AIRES
XI’AN
Chapter 59: Chapter 40: Garrett
Notes:
1. This is a double update; if you didn't see Interlude 18 you may want to back up and give it a glance.
2. I expect to continue making updates pretty regularly, but with the new house and construction and work and everything I think it makes sense to slow the schedule to once every three weeks instead of once every two.
3. If that's not quite enough to feed your r!Animorphs thirst, please head over to r/rational, where there's tons of discussion and theorizing and sometimes super cool people leave long and interesting comments and reviews and sometimes they significantly alter the outcome of the story (which has dwindlingly few opportunities to be altered at this point).
4. As always, I love love love love love reading comments and reviews (shoutout to luvsanime02 who leaves me a little nugget of feedback on EVERY post), so if you like this story and want to add encouragement and incentive to get me across the finish line, please take a moment to share a quick response!
Chapter Text
Chapter 40: Garrett
“You gotta stop acting like—no, you know what? Fuck it—you gotta stop believing that the rules are real, or you are never gonna make it, kid. I mean that.”
Those were the first words that TOBIAS ever said to me. Not the first words I’d ever heard him saying, but the first words he’d said to me. The first time he’d said words that were just-for-GARRETT.
“You don’t ever know. You can’t ever KNOW, okay? All you get is what you’ve seen so far. All you ever know for sure is they haven’t YET.”
“She promised!”
I don’t know what his face looked like when I said that, because my eyes had been closed and I’d been lying on the ground and also hitting the ground and maybe screaming a little bit between my teeth. But I can guess what it looked like because I’ve seen him make THAT FACE a lot since then.
“I know,” he’d said. “And usually she keeps her promises, right? So you’re surprised. You thought she—what—you thought she was the kind of person who would always keep her promises, or something?”
“She promised!”
“Yeah, I got that. She promised. And then she broke that promise.”
“She promised!”
“Motherf—look, is there actually someone in there, kid? Are you listening to me? ‘Cause if you’re just tuning me out—”
“She promised!”
It’s scary when I think about it because I know TOBIAS really well now and I know exactly how much BULLSHIT he is usually willing to put up with, and he must have been in a very good mood or something because he gave me a lot more tries than he normally would and if he hadn’t done that then maybe we wouldn’t have ever started hanging out and then we wouldn’t be FRIENDS and if we weren’t FRIENDS then we would both be dead now.
“And?”
“She promised!”
“Kid. She promised, AND SHE BROKE THAT PROMISE. Say it.”
“She promised!”
“What did she promise?”
“She promised!”
“She promised what?”
“She—she promised—”
“She promised what?”
“She promised that we would play Octopus on Friday because we didn’t play Octopus last Friday and we played Jailhouse and we’re supposed to rotate the games and—”
“And?”
Although now that I think about it again maybe he wasn’t in a good mood at all. Maybe it was like that time when we were playing PENTAGO and I beat him four times in a row and he started to get angry but also didn’t want to stop and told me that I had better not go easy on him, OR ELSE, and we kept playing and I kept beating him and he just kept getting madder and madder but not at me exactly until finally he won the twenty-third game.
TOBIAS is like that, sometimes.
“Kid. And? Did we play Octopus?”
“NO.”
“They voted for Jailhouse. So what does that mean?”
“She promised!”
“She promised, and she broke that promise.”
“She promised!”
“Jesus fucking—okay, look. How about—how about this? Mrs. Stokeley is a liar.”
“She promised!”
“Right. She promised, and she broke that promise. So what does that make her?”
“She—she—”
“She lied, right? So—”
“She—”
“She’s a liar.”
“But she—”
“But she what?”
It’s funny because I remember that it was very hard for me to figure out what TOBIAS was trying to teach me, but when I look back now I can see it very clearly and I think that if I did a worse job of remembering I might have forgot that it was something I used to not-know. I think a lot of people do that when they learn something big and important that changes how they look at the world, they forget what it was like before they knew it and then it’s very easy for them to be impatient with other people who are making the same mistake and now that I think about it maybe that’s why TOBIAS was being so patient with me that day, is that he didn’t forget. He remembered when he learned the same lesson.
“But she told the truth!”
“When?”
“Before!”
“About other stuff?”
“Yes.”
“So you thought she was telling the truth about this, too?”
“Yes!”
“But she wasn’t, was she?”
“NO.”
“She was—ah, geez, here we go again. Can I maybe get you to chill out with the whole dying fish routine?”
And even though it took me a long time to learn the lesson, I did eventually get it and I think maybe that’s why TOBIAS decided to start hanging out with me after that—because he saw that I really would listen as long as the person who was talking to me made sense and didn’t give up right away if I was having a meltdown and there just aren’t that many people who really listen out there.
“…okay, now say it back to me.”
“Any time somebody tries to tell me the rules I should remember that they’re just guessing, or saying what they wish the rules were, or what they think the rules are but they might be wrong and there aren’t any real rules except just—just—”
“Just looking. You just look, and you remember, and you make a guess. And when something happens that you weren’t expecting—”
“Don’t freak the fuck out.”
It wasn’t that easy, of course. There were a lot of times that I still FREAKED THE FUCK OUT and I still FREAK THE FUCK OUT now, sometimes.
But what TOBIAS taught me was like opening up an extra eye or something and suddenly a lot of things that had been very confusing started to make sense because the problem wasn’t that people were breaking the RULES, it was that I had been wrong about what the RULES really were, even if most of the time it wasn’t my fault because they’d told me wrong. But TOBIAS said it was still my fault if I believed them, especially after what happened with MRS. STOKELEY, because there wasn’t any shame in getting taken to the cleaners once but if I let it happen again then I was just a CHUMP and why was I taking their word for it anyway when they were clearly DIPSHIT FUCKTARDS.
And I know it doesn’t sound related at first but the way it makes sense inside my head is that it’s like when they use the FIBONACCI SEQUENCE to calculate the GOLDEN MEAN. The FIBONACCI SEQUENCE is a series of numbers where the next number is always the previous two numbers added together, so it goes 1 and then 1 again because there’s nothing to add on yet and then 2 and then 3 and then 5 and then 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987, 1597, 2584, 4181, 6765, 10946, 17711, 28657, 46368, 75025, 121393, 196418 and so on.
And if you compare FIBONACCI NUMBERS that are right next to each other you get:
1 compared to 1 which is 1
2 compared to 1 which is 2
3 and 2 which is 1.5
5 and 3 which is 1.6 with a line over the SIX which means the SIXES go on forever
8 and 5 which is 1.6 but just regular this time so it’s a little smaller
13 and 8 which is 1.625
21 and 13 which is 1.6153846 and then a bunch of other numbers that don’t matter
34 and 21 which is 1.6190476 and then a bunch of other numbers that don’t matter
55 and 34 which is 1.6176470 and then a bunch of other numbers that don’t matter
89 and 55 which is 1.6181818 and the ONE-EIGHT repeats forever
144 and 89 which is 1.6179775 and so on
And they never quite make it to the GOLDEN MEAN, which is ϕ pronounced “fee” and which starts out as 1.6180339887 but actually is IRRATIONAL and goes on forever. But you can see how they kind of zigzag closer and closer and in fact you don’t even have to go very far out before you get two numbers that match all the way out to the TEN BILLIONTHS place (196418 and 121393).
And me thinking that MRS. STOKELEY was a PROMISE-KEEPER was like comparing 1 to 1 and getting 1, and TOBIAS saying that MRS. STOKELEY was a LIAR was like comparing 2 to 1 and getting 2, which was still wrong but closer, and the more I watched MRS. STOKELEY the closer I got to understanding what she was really like and there were always surprises but usually smaller and smaller surprises as time went on but the key thing was to never ever ever forget that I didn’t really know for sure and that just because somebody had never done something before didn’t mean they wouldn’t all of a sudden.
And I don’t know if I would have ever figured that out without TOBIAS’S help because I certainly hadn’t figured it out before and I had been thinking of everything as being BLACK OR WHITE in a way that was kind of like tying my own shoelaces together because it meant I was getting UNPLEASANT SURPRISES all the time and that meant I was pretty much always stressed-out and low-functioning. So it’s kind of like TOBIAS saved my life because I don’t think I would have had a very good life the way I was going.
Although I might not have a very good life anyway, the way everything else is going.
‹We are approaching the stratosphere. The atmospheric craft are peeling off. But three of the spacecraft are now converging on our new trajectory—›
‹ETA?›
‹The three ships are at various distances—›
‹Wait, three out of how many?›
‹There are five within sensor range, which would imply a total of roughly thirty in orbit around the planet—›
‹Jesus Christ. How did they build so many so fast? Doesn’t it take like two years to build one F-35—›
‹How much time do we have?›
‹The closest will be within beam weapon range in roughly twelve minutes, assuming that we hold course and that it does not wait for the other two to converge—›
I was in bird morph, a small brownish bird called a swift that ANTE had brought down for the two of us to acquire. We were perched near the back of the cramped space inside the cradle, along with HELIUM’S TAIL BLADE, which was waving around in a way that my bird instincts were specifically not happy about, on top of everything else they were already not happy about.
RACHEL was in morph, too, but that was a PUN sort of because she wasn’t actually inside the cradle with us—she was in morph, inside my morph, her body tucked away in Z-SPACE along with my own. The plan had been for all of us—except HELIUM—to get as small as we possibly could while still being able to see and move around, because the cradle was designed for just one single passenger and the idea was that we would be picking up a MARCO who might or might not be in his own real body and might or might not have time to get small, himself. Fortunately, HELIUM was still pretty young for an ANDALITE and so it wouldn’t be too crowded so long as the MARCO wasn’t in gorilla morph or something.
‹What about missiles?›
‹Non-nuclear human missiles are unlikely to be a problem—›
‹The fuck you say. What about the one that just knocked us halfway out of the sky?›
‹Unlikely to be a problem at this distance, as we can deploy countermeasures or outmaneuver them. And your F-35s are significantly more delicate and difficult-to-build than Bug fighters, which were reverse-engineered from superior technology specifically to be cheap and easy to produce.›
‹Superior technology like the cloaking device that’s currently hiding us from precisely no one?›
‹Marco.›
‹The cloaking device is functioning correctly. However, even a perfect mirror can be disabled by primitives smearing mud on it—›
‹Helium.›
‹Apologies, Prince Jake.›
HELIUM was standing in the center of the cramped space, his four legs on the flat metal deck and his two arms resting on the slanted control panel, his main eyes pointed down at a small viewscreen and his stalks rotating around between a number of strange displays. JAKE and MARCO were in morph, perched on his shoulders—or at least, the closest thing he had to shoulders—JAKE in the body of a small bat, and MARCO in some kind of tiny, armored, alien, armadillo-type body that I guess he acquired somewhere on the planet of the ARN.
I was watching the three of them very very carefully, because even though I had known them for more than a month that’s still really not a lot of time and this was a pretty stressful situation and TOBIAS wasn’t there and RACHEL had had a STROKE and CASSIE was DEAD and I had basically never met HELIUM at all, apparently, since he said he was a new person and not AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL anymore, and everything was happening very quickly and it seemed to me like there was a pretty good chance that things were going to go off the rails. I mean even more then they had already, since apparently VISSER THREE had taken off the KID GLOVES, which is one of those phrases that doesn’t make any sense at all but it means he wasn’t fucking around anymore, according to MARCO.
And the whole situation was especially tricky for me because as far as I could tell JAKE seemed to think that I was going to follow any orders he gave me, like if he told me to thoughtscream at somebody I would just do it, no questions asked, and that was not exactly what I had signed up for. I had thoughtscreamed at a lot of people when we went to blow up the pool, but we had talked that over in advance and decided that CIVILIAN CASUALTIES were probably unavoidable and that it was worth it overall because even if a lot of people died it was our best shot at saving the EARTH.
But that mission had actually worked and still the EARTH was very much not-saved, which is exactly the sort of thing that I used to find very upsetting back before I started hanging out with TOBIAS. It’s very easy for people like me to get fixated on stuff and what TOBIAS did was help me to get fixated on the process instead of on my current best guess, which is called SCIENCE and that’s why I’m sometimes willing to morph into birds and bugs even though I used to have a rule that was NO FLYING, for example.
But anyway, just because I had agreed to thoughtscream that one time didn’t mean I was okay with doing it whenever, I would maybe thoughtscream at somebody just because TOBIAS told me to but that was because I had known TOBIAS for a very long time, like long enough to get all the way out to 1.6180339887. I only knew JAKE and MARCO about 1.625ish at best. I had a MARCO morph and an AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL morph because the body was still an AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL body even if the new hivemind thingy was calling itself HELIUM, but I’d only had the chance to spend about twelve minutes in each of them before it was GO TIME, and that is not a lot of time to catch up on everything that I had missed while I was DEAD. And anyway some of the things that had happened since then made me more nervous, not less, especially because as far as I could tell nobody had made any progress at all on figuring out what the heck had happened on THE DAY THAT ALMOST EVERYBODY DIED.
And there was another problem, which was that I had already thoughtscreamed at the two soldiers who had been sitting inside the cradle when HELIUM took control of it, and JAKE had told me to do it but I had already decided I was going to do it because as soon as the door opened they had raised some very large GUNS and I didn’t want to get shot. But this meant that JAKE probably thought I had done it because he ordered me to, which is a pretty reasonable thing to think but wasn’t true at all and that meant that he was maybe being set up for a pretty nasty surprise later on if I said “no” out of the blue.
So what I really wanted to do was talk about it.
But there was kind of a lot going on.
For one thing, I was trying really hard to stop the part of my brain that was screaming GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT from taking over. It was screaming that because for the last few minutes there had been MISSILES and BULLETS and PROTOTYPE BEAM WEAPONS and very strong acceleration and we’d spent a lot more time upside-down than my morph body was comfortable with.
For another, JAKE and MARCO and HELIUM were all pretty stressed and talking very quickly one right after the other without identifying themselves and sometimes not even waiting for each other to finish, and also they were sort of making these little digs at each other, or at least MARCO and HELIUM were and I think it was getting on JAKE’S nerves.
‹Can we outrun them?›
That was JAKE.
‹No, Prince Jake. Remember, this cradle is what you would call an escape pod. That it functions as well as it does is a testament to Andalite thoroughness—›
‹Marco.›
‹I didn’t say anything!›
‹—but it can’t outperform a Bug fighter.›
I glanced over at ANTE, who hadn’t said anything in a while. He wasn’t super talkative to begin with and I’m not very good at reading bird body language so I couldn’t tell if he was okay or if he was maybe FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.
‹How far to Moscow?›
‹We are farther now than we were when we began, thanks to the attack of the atmospheric craft. We cannot reach the city before we are intercepted. Though—›
‹What?›
‹Our instruments show that it has been—targeted.›
‹Oh, God.›
‹The nukes?›
‹Not a traditional fission device. The radiation is consistent with a neutron dispersion—lethal to living organisms with minimal damage to infrastructure.›
‹What about Berlin? Rio?›
‹We are not high enough to make a direct observation.›
‹Helium. If Marco was—if the other Marco was put back—is he—›
‹The radiation is sufficiently strong to be lethal with ten minutes of exposure. Perhaps fifteen, depending on the distance from the epicenter.›
‹Dead in fifteen?›
‹No. Lethally poisoned in fifteen. Death would take longer. Hours, perhaps days.›
The bird that ANTE was being didn’t seem to react to this at all, which told me nothing. I turned back to the others.
‹He’d morph,› said MARCO confidently, still not bothering to identify himself. ‹He’d figure it out, and morph, and head away from the epicenter.›
I wanted to ask if MARCO was saying that because he actually believed it or just because he wanted to believe it but that didn’t seem super helpful so I just kept watching.
‹They’re still not responding to any communications?›
‹No, Prince Jake.›
‹Maybe they’re pulling a Doctor Strangelove? You know, shutting off comms, in case it’s Visser Three or whatever?›
‹We do not understand the reference. Also, the nearest Bug fighter will be in range in ten minutes.›
The bat and the armadillo-thing turned to look at each other as if to say oh no what do we do and it was suddenly very easy to see lots of problems that none of us had thought of back when we were on the ground, like what would we do if the military didn’t bother to listen to us at all and just tried killing us instead and also the cloaking device didn’t do anything because they’d put homing beacons on board the cradle.
But the solution still seemed pretty obvious, as far as I could tell, and I wasn’t sure whether they were not-mentioning it for some reason or whether they just hadn’t thought of it. I had started to get the sense that JAKE and MARCO were both very very tired and maybe not quite thinking straight—
‹Do we bail?› asked MARCO.
‹We could try a distress call,› JAKE suggested. ‹To one of the other Bug fighters—one of the ones that isn’t trying to kill us—›
‹Garrett here,› I said. ‹Why don’t we go down into the water? Over.›
The bat and the armadillo-thing both twitched, and one of HELIUM’S stalk eyes turned to look back at me.
‹Helium. Can Bug fighters—›
‹No, Prince Jake. As we said, cheap and easy to produce. They do not possess sufficient structural integrity to—›
‹Down. Now.›
There was a sort of swooping, prickly-tingly elevator sensation as the ship curved smoothly downward.
‹We will reach the surface of the water with…four minutes to spare, assuming that we do not have to deal with more hostile atmospheric craft.›
‹Will we be able to get deep enough?›
‹Beam weapons will be ineffective at a depth of seven meters. This cradle can go as deep as six thousand four hundred thirty meters, given the gravitational pull of your planet.›
‹Will they still be able to track us?›
‹We do not know, Prince Jake. Whatever device they have hidden on board—if it uses standard human technology, then no. Radio waves can’t penetrate seawater. If it’s something more sophisticated, then maybe. We also don’t know what other aquatic craft may be nearby, or what capabilities they might possess.›
‹We don’t know much of anything, do we.›
‹No, Marco. We do not.›
There was silence in the cradle for the next couple of minutes as we cut our way back down through the atmosphere. There weren’t any windows in the cradle, and none of the viewscreens were showing direct images—I’m pretty sure the cradle was beaming information straight into HELIUM’S head—so I couldn’t tell how high up we’d gotten, but if it was high enough to stop fighter jets from coming after us I was pretty sure that meant it had to be at least ten miles.
But now we were coming back down through the part of the sky where the fighter jets could go—
‹Missile,› said HELIUM, his mental voice flat.
‹What?›
‹It will not be a problem.›
There was another prickly-tingly feeling as the cradle zigged and then zagged.
‹What’s hap—›
‹There are several craft and ground installations that have fired missiles. Some of them are tracking us directly. Others are aimed at various points along our predicted course. We are assuming that they are triggered by proximity rather than impact, and are taking steps to avoid allowing any of them closer than three kilometers. This is a process which benefits from focus, and a lack of distraction.›
‹Garrett here. Sorry. Are there more fighter jets? Over.›
‹Yes. But none which will reach us before we make the water.›
‹Then what?›
The question was from ANTE, whose bird-body was holding stock-still except for a slight quiver in its wings, its pupils dilated.
No one answered it.
* * *
“I have a question and the question is do we really expect Visser One’s codes to make any difference at all.”
Nobody said anything. There was a kind of slurping-squelching sound as the demorph finished and RACHEL’S body fully separated from mine. She rolled away from me and pushed herself up into a sitting position, her movements still pretty clumsy and jerky but better than they’d been the day before.
“Whurr?” she asked, looking around the tiny space.
JAKE was still a bat and MARCO was still an armadillo-thing, and HELIUM was now a large and dangerous-looking hawk that seemed to be making ANTE’S bird-body nervous.
‹Underwater,› came MARCO’S voice, sounding weary. ‹Things got complicated. Again.›
‹The plan was not—›
HELIUM broke off mid-thought, and the hawk body sort of twitched irritably.
‹There were unforeseen difficulties,› he finished.
I looked at JAKE because of course I did, but the bat didn’t move in any way that told me anything.
‹What do you mean, Garrett?› JAKE asked.
His voice was weary, too, but more than that it had a kind of glassy, brittle sort of feeling to it, like maybe it was about to break. I don’t know what it would mean for JAKE’S voice to break, that thought doesn’t even really make sense, but that’s what it sounded like to me.
But also I didn’t know what I could do about that so I ignored it.
“Well,” I said, pulling my shirt up over my mouth. “The main thing is that Visser Three has known those ships were coming the whole time, and he’s not exactly on great terms with the rest of the Yeerks, so he probably has some kind of backup plan ready and I don’t see how us taking over the controls makes them any more dangerous than they already were when he definitely already thought about this months ago. Also if Moscow is gone then probably a lot of other cities are gone, too, like New York and Washington and—and Beijing and London, which might mean that there isn’t really a government or a military anymore and that would mean that there isn’t anybody for us to give the codes to and do we really know what to do with them all by ourselves. Also also I’m sorry I didn’t think of that before, when you asked if anybody had objections, but to be fair that was before we knew about Moscow and also before we knew that they were going to shoot at us without even talking first. Also I don’t really understand what we’re actually trying to do, like what do we think happens even if everything goes right and also I should tell you that I might not thoughtscream at people just because you tell me to especially because last time we thought we had a plan that would save the planet, it didn’t, even though it worked, and I’m talking about the mission to the Yeerk pool just in case that wasn’t clear. Also sorry.”
I had been curling up tighter and tighter as I talked and by the time I was finished I was in a sort of curled-up ball pressed into the corner, as far away from the rest of them as I could get, which wasn’t actually very far since the whole space was basically ANDALITE-sized. But they could hear me just fine so it didn’t matter which is why I was letting myself do it in the first place.
There was another long silence after I finished talking and then there was a dry sort of chuckle that I was pretty sure was coming from MARCO and then there was JAKE’S voice again, still sounding pre-cracked.
‹What are you sorry for?›
“I don’t know exactly it’s just that it seems like—like you guys are all really tired and maybe getting mad at each other and it isn’t fair and none of what I just said is actually helpful and you’re supposed to say sorry if you’re not helping. Also I just now realized that I was kind of asking you for the answer and maybe you don’t have any more answers than I do so why are we all asking you but in that case what I’m saying is my best guess is that Visser One’s codes don’t help us, what do you think.”
Suddenly something landed on my back and I screamed a little and flinched before I realized it was RACHEL’S hand and she was trying to sort of pat me on the shoulder but she’d missed.
“Sorry,” I said again, and I reached behind me without looking and kind of groped around until I found her hand and picked it up and put it on my shoulder because I didn’t want her to think I was mad.
“Sssssss oh,” she replied.
‹Kid has several points.›
For a long time nobody else said anything, and eventually I got curious enough that I decided to uncurl a little and look. The bat was looking at me, and the armadillo-thing was looking at the bat, and the hawk and the swift were looking back and forth. I couldn’t see what RACHEL was looking at because I was turned so she was sort of behind me but I could still feel her hand on my shoulder and she squeezed a little which I did not like at all but which I was pretty sure was meant to be nice so I didn’t say anything.
‹Yeah,› said JAKE. He said it in the sort of way that people say Mmm-hmm or wow, that’s crazy when they’re not really listening—like he was just stalling for time.
More nobody-saying-anything.
“Um—” I began, just as JAKE spoke up again.
‹Helium.›
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹How long until we clear the peninsula?›
‹We have already cleared the peninsula, as well as the shallowest and most dangerous waters. We are currently at a depth of seventy-two meters, heading due north into the Barents sea, following the sea floor. We have detected two subsurface vessels and a number of surface ones. They do not seem to be aware of our presence.›
‹What’s our speed?›
‹Roughly one hundred and sixty kilometers per hour, relative to the surface.›
‹How far to—Marco, where—›
‹Are we giving up on Moscow and Berlin? If so, then it’s either Cape Town or Rio.›
‹How would we find them in Cape Town or Rio? Without comms?›
‹Uh. Cape Town, I don’t know. Rio—that’s the one with the statue, right? Giant Jesus?›
‹Helium, how long would it take—›
‹If we remain underwater, the journey will take approximately eight days. Also, the cradle’s fuel reserves will be at well under twenty percent when we arrive.›
More silence.
Then more silence.
Then even more silence.
I glanced at the others. They were all looking at JAKE.
I looked at the bat that JAKE was being. It was sitting very still, its eyes pointed at the deck, its wings sort of slumped like a falling-down tent. I couldn’t tell if it actually looked distressed or if I was just imagining that it looked distressed because I was pretty sure that JAKE was distressed.
But it looked distressed. I tried to think of something helpful to say but I couldn’t come up with anything.
“Nnnnnn,” said RACHEL.
The bat looked up.
“Nnnn. Nnnaauuuuuh. Auuh. Nuu.”
RACHEL looked over at me. Her eyes were very serious-looking.
“Can you say that again, please?” I asked. “I didn’t understand you.”
“Nnaauu. Auuhnnyuu. Himmm. Nnau auhn izh.”
“One more time, please?”
She looked away from me, fixed her eyes on the bat. “Nnau auhn yu.”
‹Not on you.›
ANTE.
‹Right, Rachel? It’s not on Jake?›
RACHEL nodded.
‹Agreed.›
HELIUM.
The bat closed its eyes in a very human sort of way.
‹No.›
MARCO.
The bat opened its eyes.
‹No, you know what? Fuck that. Jake. Cope. Now.›
‹Marco, Prince Jake has—›
‹Helium, you know I respect you, I know you’re brilliant, but be quiet. Jake. Listen to me. We have zero time for your wallowing. I know you’re exhausted. I know you don’t know what to do. But this is the hand you’ve been dealt. Play it.›
‹Garrett here. That’s not how it—›
‹Garrett, he’s not you. He’s not Tobias. He’s not even me. He’s Jake. Sympathy is not the solution here. What he needs to do is shake it off, or else we’re going to be the ones calling the shots. You know, the stranger, the alien, the stroke victim, the kid with his shirt in his mouth, and the guy who just threw a whole mission out the window to save his mom.›
The bat was trembling, its whole body shaking as its eyes darted back and forth around the tiny space, from hawk to swift to armadillo-thing to RACHEL to me, around and around.
The bat was trembling like it was about to cry.
‹It was a bad plan,› MARCO continued. ‹You’re thinking, it was a bad plan, we almost got shot down, now what. But guess what? None of us had a better plan.›
For some reason, I wanted to see what RACHEL’S face looked like, but I wasn’t at the right angle to look and it didn’t seem like I should move around to where I could see because that would have been sort of a distraction.
‹And we still don’t. It’s not like you can make it worse, buddy. The default thing is we all die and Visser Three wins. That’s not on you. But if we’re going to do anything about it—›
I suddenly sort of…popped out, or something, in the sense that I wasn’t just looking at JAKE myself but also realized that we were all looking at JAKE, all five of us—that whether or not MARCO’S overall plan was working, he’d at least managed to make JAKE the absolute center of attention where before we’d all been sort of looking around at everybody. I wasn’t sure if I should look away because if I was in JAKE’S shoes then having everybody stare at me like that would absolutely definitely very very much not be helpful at all and would only make me FREAK THE FUCK OUT but also MARCO knows JAKE a whole lot better than I do, maybe even better than I know TOBIAS, maybe all the way out to 1.6180339887498948482.
‹Jake, you give me a clear target and I’ll get us there, but I need you to call the shot, first. We need you. There’s only one person here who can tell us what Visser Three is going to do, and that’s you.›
I looked at the armadillo-thing.
It was looking at the bat.
I looked at the hawk.
It was looking at the bat.
I looked at the swift.
It was looking at the bat, although it also noticed my head moving I guess because it looked at me for a second and then looked back at the bat, and I guess if I imagine myself in ANTE’S shoes, which means if I imagine that I’m inside his body and his life and not just wearing his shoes, then this whole situation seems pretty bad and scary because ANTE has been imagining MARCO and the ANIMORPHS for a long time and thinking that we are some crazy awesome superteam and then as soon as he actually went on a mission with us he got shot at pretty much immediately and then this happened. So I was a little nervous about ANTE and what he might do and how he might react and whether he might WIG OUT which means exactly the same thing as FREAK THE FUCK OUT but if you say the same words or phrases too many times they start to sound weird and lose their meaning and that is called SEMANTIC SATIATION so sometimes I switch it up even inside my own head.
But I guess he hadn’t WIGGED OUT yet, so that was a good sign.
I looked at RACHEL, who was looking at the bat.
It seemed like we waited for hours but it was probably actually only thirty or forty seconds, and then all of a sudden the bat stopped trembling.
‹Okay,› said JAKE, his voice sounding clear and strong and not at all pre-cracked.
There was another little pause, like long enough for someone to breathe all the way in and all the way out if they were in a human body but I don’t know whether that’s the same for bats.
‹Okay,› he repeated. ‹New plan, same as the old plan. Rio de Janeiro, pick up Marco and Visser One-Quarter.›
It was funny, because I don’t know if MARCO knew this would happen or if maybe he was trying to make it happen or if maybe it was just because it wasn’t me or because it was the second time hearing it or something. But hearing JAKE say it did make me feel better. It felt more solid or real or possible or something, more like The Plan with capital letters than just I Guess Let’s Try It And See What Happens. And when I looked around at the rest of them it seemed like they felt the same way, at least as far as I could tell when three of them were animals and one of them was RACHEL who still wasn’t really in control of her face all that much.
‹Helium.›
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹Eight days is too long and eighty percent of the fuel is too much.›
‹Agreed.›
‹What can we do about this tracking device?›
‹We have time, now that we know we can evade detection underwater. If the device is inside the ship, we may be able to locate it and disable it. If it’s outside—›
‹Burn it off.›
I knew who the voice was but the others didn’t, which is why we have RULES about how to use thought-speak, even if nobody ever follows them.
‹New guy, is that you?› asked MARCO.
‹Yes,› said ANTE. ‹Helium—when we were going through the atmosphere, we were shielded, right?›
‹Yes. Ah. Yes. It’s a good idea.›
‹Explain it to me,› said JAKE.
‹If the device is on the exterior of the ship, it is at least possible that it may be vulnerable to extremes of pressure and temperature. We could try burning it off by following a rocket trajectory with the shields disabled.›
‹The cradle can withstand that?›
‹Easily.›
‹What if the other ships come after us?›
‹We have some data on ships and ship movement, collected while we were in flight earlier. It’s likely that we can choose a time and course that guarantees us sufficient time to abort and re-enter the water, if we are closely pursued. And we will search within the ship first, anyway.›
‹Great. Do it. Garrett?›
I twitched, because I wasn’t expecting it, but I kept my shirt down. “Yeah?”
‹I won’t try ordering you to thoughtscream at anybody, but it needs to be okay for me to ask. Is it okay for me to ask?›
I thought about it, but not for very long.
“Yeah,” I said.
‹Okay. Helium, do you need to be in your own body to do the search?›
‹No, Prince Jake. The ship will be doing most of the actual scanning.›
‹How long will it take?›
‹No more than half an hour.›
‹Make it two hours.›
‹What?› asked MARCO. ‹Why?›
‹Because you’re all going to demorph and remorph to reset your time limits, and then I’m taking a nap. We’ll figure out the rest after that.›
* * *
“Everything is fucked.”
It was six hours later, although it was the exact same time according to clocks because we had gone very far to the west and TIME ZONES are a thing. We were sitting on the rocky slope of a tiny island, maybe half a mile across, almost exactly eight miles south of the giant Jesus statue and five and a half miles offshore. HELIUM had brought the cradle in among the trees and foliage on the southern side of the ridge, away from potential observers on the mainland. In front of us, there was nothing but open ocean, broken only by a smaller island a short swim away and a lone, low boulder maybe another mile or so out.
We’d all demorphed, tumbling out of the cramped spacecraft and spreading out under the bright afternoon sun. There was ANTE, and HELIUM, and JAKE, and MARCO, and RACHEL, and MARCO AGAIN.
There were TWO MARCOS now.
It was funny, because one part of my brain had known that there would be TWO MARCOS and understood how it had happened and why it made sense and had totally been expecting it—that was the plan, after all—but another part of my brain did not want to let go of the fact that there were TWO MARCOS and was having a very hard time deciding to look at or think about anything else.
“The other three are all alive, and safe. They’re—let’s say listening in, right now. I don’t think anybody ended up with more than two full minutes of radiation exposure in their natural bodies, and Edriss—Visser One—thinks that being inside a human skull will have provided enough shielding to keep her from getting sick. But Moscow is gone. Berlin is gone. Seems like a safe bet that places like Tokyo and D.C. and New York are gone, too. L.A. Silicon Valley. Probably some military bases? Cape Town is not gone but internet is down, satellites are down, there’s a ton of radio interference because everybody who can’t use internet and satellites is trying to use the radio so basically radio is down, too. Same situation here in Rio. Nobody has any fucking clue what’s going on.”
Also I didn’t know what to call them in my own head because MARCO and MARCO AGAIN was too vague really and it was probably a bad idea to think of them as MARCO WITH A BLACK SHIRT and MARCO WITH A RED SHIRT because that wasn’t going to stay true for very long and I could maybe think of them as MARCO WITH A YEERK and MARCO WITHOUT A YEERK but if we went and picked up more MARCOS then that wasn’t going to be enough and I remembered from my very short morph-check that the MARCOS had come up with a very sensible system for referring to themselves with numbers but I didn’t know which numbers these particular MARCOS were and it wasn’t the right time to ask so my brain just kept sort of spinning and slipping and tripping over it every time I looked at them, like HICCUPS but for thoughts. I was very used to being able to tell people apart very very easily, even in thought-speak where everyone else seems to have trouble, but the two MARCOS sounded exactly the same, even to me.
“Fisss,” said RACHEL.
She was sitting between the two MARCOS, sort of half-propped up against one of them, who had his arm around her shoulder to stop her from falling down.
“Yeah, obviously,” said that MARCO. “But why? Why now? What does it get him?”
“Softening us up for full-scale invasion?” offered ANTE. “Now that the fleet is almost here? According to Helium, those bombs left a lot of infrastructure intact.”
“I don’t buy it,” the other MARCO said, shaking his head. “Not when Telor and Tyagi have been pushing for peace this whole time. I don’t see that fleet actually coming in guns blazing.”
I was starting to think that maybe the two different MARCOS shouldn’t have different names, that maybe they were both just MARCO. They were even talking like they were one person, switching back and forth talking like—like—I don’t know, like the way you might switch back and forth between hands if you were AMBIDEXTROUS or something. Like they were thinking the same thoughts at the same time, so it didn’t matter which one spoke up.
It made me want more GARRETTS very, very badly. More GARRETTS, and maybe more TOBIASES, too, because apparently at least three MARCOS had already died but there were still two of them right here in front of me and three other ones out there with the rest of VISSER ONE in their heads and probably a bunch more waking up all over MADAGASCAR and FINLAND, whereas I’d had to kill myself just to bring back TOBIAS and then the new me had been in a coma for weeks and weeks before finally waking up and it just seemed safer and smarter and better in pretty much every way to go ahead and make some backups as soon as possible.
‹And yet,› said HELIUM. ‹If the Visser’s actions make sense only in a context where he can seize control of the reinforcement fleet, it seems reasonable to assume that he can seize control of the reinforcement fleet. More likely that than that he has made such an elementary mistake.›
“Bluff?” said RACHEL.
“Maybe,” said the MARCO that wasn’t holding her, while the one that was sort of squeezed her shoulder in a half-side-hug kind of thing. “But like, what exactly would he get out of seeming like he was going to use that fleet, when he isn’t?”
‹We are certain that Quatazhinnikon was unable to provide a…coercion protocol? That none of the tools he developed for the Visser could allow him to seize full control?›
“He didn’t finish anything like a mind-virus or whatever, if that’s what you’re asking. He’s got a bunch of stuff that could kill everybody dead, but not any faster or better than just throwing rocks around.”
“There’s some stuff that we don’t quite understand, though,” said MARCO, the other one I mean, the one sitting next to RACHEL. “Stuff that Q was working on sort of in the dark. Like, ‘make me something that does X if you plug it into Y,’ but that’s it, and who knows where Y came from or where X goes.”
“So he could have a mind-virus?” asked ANTE.
“Maybe, but if he did, why would he be blowing up cities? I mean, that’s what he wants, right? Is cities? People?”
‹It could be a political gambit. Escalate the tension, then appear to be defeated when the fleet defects to the side of humanity, return later to capture the converted species—›
HELIUM broke off. ‹No,› he said. ‹Too absurd.›
“Jake?” said MARCO, the one with VISSER ONE (QUARTER) in his head. “You’ve been pretty quiet. That a good sign, or a bad one?”
Everybody turned to JAKE, who had been sitting there saying nothing as MARCO explained the situation to MARCO and then MARCO explained the other situation back, I really really really didn’t like there being two MARCOS with only one name, it suddenly felt kind of like that thing that the ANDALITES have about how there should only be one copy of any given mind except that I didn’t want to solve it by erasing one of the MARCOS or making it so they didn’t exist, I just wanted a way to think them apart.
Fine.
MARC0 and MARC1.
That was good because MARC1 had VISSER ONE (QUARTER) in his head so that was easy to remember even though it might be a little misleading if it turned out that MARC1 had come first and besides neither one of them was really MARC0 who had been dead for weeks anyway.
“I’ve been thinking,” JAKE said softly. “There’s really only one thing we can tell for sure from what’s happened. Everything else is up in the air, could mean this, could mean that. But this one thing—I don’t know, maybe you guys will disagree. But there’s just one thing that feels solid to me.”
He paused, and I noticed that he still looked tired and sad and harried and more just like a regular kid than like some kind of warrior or general. I don’t know why I noticed that right at that exact moment but I did, and I felt a little bit sorry and even a little bit guilty because like I’d said earlier it didn’t seem fair and none of us were really helping.
“The thing is—if Visser Three went to all the trouble of killing the internet—bombing a bunch of cities—bombing a bunch of cities with bombs that are specifically designed so they don’t kill the infrastructure—”
He broke off again, shrugged. “I don’t know,” he repeated. “Maybe this isn’t as big as it feels to me. But—it means he still cares.”
“What?”
“Like, the Earth still matters to him. He’s still interested. He still wants it. He’s still trying to win.”
“So?”
“So.” He heaved a big breath, and looked around the circle at each of us, one at a time, his eyes sort of sharp and glittering where a second ago they’d been soft and whatever is the opposite of glittering. “So it means we have something he wants. Something we can hold hostage.”
Up until that point about half of my brain had still been spinning on the whole MARC0/MARC1 thing because that’s what it’s like when you get fixated on something but the thing JAKE said got my absolute undivided attention.
“Uh,” said MARC1. “Just so you know, Visser One is laughing. I. Uh. I don’t know if it’s good that Visser One is laughing—”
“What are you saying?” asked ANTE. “What exactly are you saying?”
Jake turned to look at ANTE, and it was weird because not only was ANTE taller than JAKE, he was also sitting a little bit higher up on the hill, but somehow the way JAKE looked at him made it seem like JAKE was looking down at him, not like “looking down” in the way that people mean when somebody is being judgmental or whatever but like looking down as if ANTE was a puzzle piece on JAKE’S desk and JAKE was figuring out where to put him.
“I’m saying that maybe Visser Three has finally made a real mistake,” JAKE answered. “Based on what we’ve learned from Visser One and Quatazhinnikon, he’s been ridiculously, ludicrously overprepared this whole time. He started out with comprehensive knowledge of the entire Andalite military complex. He’s got god-level biotech at his fingertips. He’s been running in and out of the system this whole time, while the rest of us have been trapped by the bubble. Telor probably literally killed him, and I’m betting they messed with a bunch of his failsafes, too, or it wouldn’t have taken him a couple of days to retaliate, but even so he was able to take out the internet, the phones, the satellites, and what looks like half of the major cities on the planet.”
JAKE stopped talking, and seconds passed.
“I don’t get it,” said ANTE.
“Me, neither, for what it’s worth,” said MARC1.
“He shouldn’t still be here. He’s got no business being here. It’s like—it’s like—look, no matter how valuable the Earth is, compared to the rest of the galaxy, he doesn’t need it to win. He’s been running circles around everybody for two years straight, and then he gets here and suddenly all kinds of headaches start popping up. He should’ve just blown us up and left. But he didn’t.”
“The Ellimist?” ventured MARC0.
“Maybe,” JAKE said. “Maybe the Ellimist, maybe Alloran undermining him from inside his own head. Maybe neither of those. Maybe he just—can’t see past it. Maybe it’s just a mistake.”
He paused again, took in another deep breath. “But whatever it is, it means we’ve got him. For now. Maybe not for long. Maybe he’s going to snap out of it. But right now, he’s—he’s attached, or something. He doesn’t want to give it up. He’s not thinking straight. We can exploit that.”
“How?” I asked.
“The Bug fighters,” JAKE said.
‹We can’t control more than one at a time using the cradle’s processing and transmitting power,› HELIUM said. ‹The rest of them will simply—›
“We don’t need to control them,” JAKE said. “At least, not for very long. Just long enough for one hyperspace jump.”
I got there about three seconds before ANTE, who managed to say “But isn’t there a hyperspace bubble around the whole—” before he got it, too.
Everyone got it.
Everyone got it, and everyone went THARN.
THARN is a word that I learned from the book WATERSHIP DOWN, which somebody donated to OAK LANDING because they thought that a book with bunnies on the cover was a children’s book, which is a good guess in general but was pretty wrong in this specific case. But I read it anyway and I am a children so maybe that doesn’t matter.
What THARN means is that you are a rabbit and a fox sees you and it’s too close for you to escape and so you just you just you just freeze and you don’t move and there’s nothing you can do about it because what’s about to happen to you is just too big for you to deal with. It’s like the opposite of FREAKING THE FUCK OUT in the way that water is the opposite of fire even though really the opposite of fire is no fire and the opposite of FREAKING THE FUCK OUT is not FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. It’s like the negative opposite of it, or something—just as big and just as bad, but in the other direction.
And I’d never really seen people go THARN before but I felt my own whole body do a thing that felt like all of my blood had turned into liquid nitrogen and even though I suddenly couldn’t tear my eyes off of JAKE I could still see out of the corner of my eye that everyone else had frozen and MARC0 had gone pale and both RACHEL and ANTE’S jaws were hanging open and even HELIUM had sort of dropped to the ground like he was trying to protect his soft parts and suddenly the word THARN popped back into my head.
Only MARC1 wasn’t THARN and I guess it’s because he had VISSER ONE (QUARTER) and three other MARCOS in his head too and they sort of helped him deal with it.
“Just to be clear,” he said. “We’re talking about a threat to blow up the planet, here?”
“Not just the planet,” said JAKE. “Helium. I’m guessing we could do something like, send three or four ships zipping away from the rest of the fleet one after the other, and then bring one of them right back through, right? Before anybody had time to react?”
“You’re talking about—are you talking about the fucking Last Jedi?” MARC1 sputtered.
JAKE nodded grimly. “Helium,” he repeated. “Could you do it?”
‹We—Prince Jake, there is a reason such things are not done—›
“Helium. Could you do it?”
‹We—it would—in theory, yes, if we could hold one ship in position we could collide another with it, but—›
“And you could save out a few others? Get them far enough away that we could use them later? Say, against the Yeerk homeworld?”
‹Prince Jake, this—this is—›
“This is the gloves coming off, Helium. Telor killed itself trying to stop this guy. That’s a pretty big deal among Yeerks, I’m told.”
‹Yes, Prince Jake, but—›
“This is the moment, Helium. This is the only moment. He was dead for two days. We took out Quatazhinnikon. The fleet is arriving. And he isn’t running. He’s never been more vulnerable.”
‹Prince Jake. What you are proposing is a war crime. It is beyond a war crime. It is an act so destructive that no one has ever carried it out—›
“Says the memories of an Andalite,” JAKE shot back, his voice cold and razor-sharp. “Do you know the name Mertil-Iscar-Elmand?”
‹What? No. Who—why—›
“He was a vecol. A vecol who was friends with Alloran-Semitur-Corass before Alloran murdered him—Alloran, and the rest of their little Boy Scout troop. And then Alloran confessed, and the Andalites buried it. They buried it so hard they literally didn’t remember doing it.”
‹We—we don’t understand.›
“Yes, you do. You do, Helium, because you’re not just an Andalite anymore. You knew before I even got to the end of the sentence. Admit it.”
‹Prince Jake—›
“That’s right. I’m your prince, and I’m giving you a direct order. Tell the truth.”
‹What do you want us to say?›
“The truth, cadet.”
There was a long, long silence. I still couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but sit there and watch.
Finally, HELIUM spoke.
‹The taboo against planetary destruction via near-lightspeed attack is likely to have been developed after instances of such attacks actually being carried out.›
“And the galaxy is still here,” JAKE said. “It didn’t result in the end of all things. But if Visser Three wins, it will be the end—of everything.”
“Jake,” said MARC0, his voice just a tiny bit unsteady in a way where I couldn’t tell if he was scared or mad or pleading or what. “Jake, are we really—”
“We end the threat,” JAKE interrupted, cutting him off. “Isn’t that what you said, back on monster world?”
“Yeah, and then you made a big deal about how maybe it’s a bad idea to plan on blowing up the planet. You specifically used those exact words.”
“That was before—”
He broke off and started over. “The point here isn’t that we blow up the planet,” he said. “It’s that we can, and that that matters to Visser Three. This is the bargaining chip.”
“This is the whole war!”
“And if we can’t stop him, we need to weaken him enough that the Andalites might.”
“Jake—”
MARC0 broke off himself, scrubbed at his hair. “Jake, a second ago I’m pretty sure you almost said ‘that was before we went down into the mist’ or something. Are you—are you sure this isn’t—”
“It’s a bad plan,” JAKE admitted. “But you’re the ones who told me to come up with something. Anybody got a better one?”
Silence.
“It’s a last resort,” he continued. “We grab a Bug fighter—one Bug fighter. We try one more time to get in touch with some kind of resistance—Tyagi, if she’s still alive, or these YEM guys.”
“Or China.”
“If we can’t make contact, we go up. We get in touch with the fleet, see if there’s anything there we can work with. Maybe give them the cube, or even the Quat morph—if they made the Hork-Bajir, they can make a whole species of non-sapient bodies for Yeerks to infest all day long. But if they don’t have anything worth bargaining for—if we can’t find some way to get a message to Visser Three—”
He shrugged, in an empty, hollow sort of way.
“Then we send a message some other way.”
More silence, shocked and horrified and helpless.
I wanted to argue. I wanted to say that we couldn’t, that we couldn’t—to scream and yell at JAKE for even thinking of it.
But—
THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DOES THE RIGHT THING EVEN IF IT’S HARD.
JAKE was that type of person.
Maybe.
Probably.
TOBIAS thought so. And I thought so, too, from what I’d seen.
But—
Surprises.
Neither one of us knew JAKE that well, and MARC0 did, and MARC0 was—
Well, he wasn’t FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.
But he didn’t seem happy.
There was a little part of me that was sort of downvoting MARC0 or something, since if I was understanding JAKE correctly then MARC0 had been saying words about doing whatever it takes to end the threat, and now he was kind of backpedaling now that we actually had the means to end the threat.
But maybe that wasn’t fair because if you thought something was a good idea and then somebody else who was really really tired and stressed and maybe not thinking straight and maybe even depressed or something if I was right that MARC0 had been kind of hinting that, if that person also said it was a good idea then maybe that would make you think twice, and it wasn’t like MARC0 had said no, exactly, he’d just been saying wait, let’s think about this for a minute.
MARC1 seemed to be okay with it.
I looked at ANTE.
ANTE was still THARN.
Am I still THARN?
I didn’t think so because my blood wasn’t cold and I could move my head now but I noticed that I was doing a lot of thinking about MARC0 and MARC1 and looking around the circle to see how everyone else was reacting and maybe that meant I wasn’t really thinking about it myself and maybe I should. I had already told JAKE that I wouldn’t thoughtscream at random people just because he said so and this was a lot bigger than that.
But for some reason, now that I was thinking about it again, this didn’t seem as hard or as scary as the idea of thoughtscreaming at people, and maybe that meant that there was something broken in my brain, something about whether or not it was me doing the thing instead of whether or not the thing was bad, or something about big numbers being too big for me to really understand.
But actually what JAKE was saying—
Once I really actually thought about it—
I don’t know. It seemed a little arrogant or whatever to say that it made sense but I guess I could say that it seemed to make sense or that my best guess was that it made sense, or something.
VISSER THREE was very, very scary.
VISSER THREE was very, very good at what he was doing.
There didn’t seem to be any way to stop VISSER THREE—not when we didn’t know how many copies of himself he might have made or what kinds of bombs or traps he might have set up or what other crazy weapons he might still be sitting on. The only way to stop him that was anything like guaranteed to work was to make him want to leave us alone—
Oh.
“What if he wants to negotiate?” I said.
They all turned to look at me.
“I mean, if we say ‘stop this right now or we’ll blow up the planet,’ then he doesn’t have any reason to stop, right? Because either we blow up the planet and he gets nothing or he stops and he gets nothing, so why would he care except maybe then he wants us to blow up the planet because at least then we don’t win, either.”
“We could threaten to blow up—”
JAKE broke off halfway through the sentence, and frowned.
“He doesn’t care about the Yeerk homeworld probably, and he doesn’t care about the Andalite homeworld probably,” I said. “If he doesn’t care about anything being alive at all except him, then we can’t really threaten him into doing what we want. We have to offer him something that he wants.”
The words were coming out of my mouth pretty fast—almost as fast as I could think them, fast enough that I didn’t really know exactly what I was going to say next.
“A truce?” said MARC0.
“He’s too dangerous for a truce,” said MARC1. “Any kind of negotiated cease-fire is like what’s-it, Czechoslovenia or whatever it was, back before World War II ramped up. We’d be basically handing him the game five years down the road.”
“Well, we can’t kill him—not for sure, not with all the backups he’s made. And he clearly doesn’t just want bodies, because he’s had Quat on his side since almost the very beginning. He could’ve made bodies any time he wanted.”
“I’m telling you, he wants the Earth,” JAKE said. “That’s it. That’s the only thing we know he wants—the only thing he wants bad enough that he’s, what, actually trying, or whatever.”
“Okay, but we can’t use the Earth to bargain for the Earth,” MARC0 snapped. “So what, then?”
“Non-involvement, maybe?” suggested MARC1. “Non-involvement, non-aggression? He can’t use us to take over the galaxy, but we don’t help anybody else stop him—no, that’s dumb, we die five years down the road that way, too.”
“We don’t have to have a plan,” JAKE said, his voice firm. “We just need to move forward. We can cross the next bridge when we come to it.”
“Are you serious?” MARC0 shot back, sort of half-laughing incredulously underneath the words.
“Getting him negotiating is a victory,” JAKE insisted. “It’s a delay. It’s breathing room. He just blew up a billion people, for god’s sake. Even if we don’t have a clue what to negotiate for, we’re still buying time.”
“And if he says—what—he’ll leave us alone as long as we give him seven out of every ten people? What do we actually say to that? What’s our actual line?”
“We don’t have to figure that out yet.”
“Bullshit we don’t have to figure that out yet, you’re talking about sending a ransom note that says ‘if you want your kid back, too bad, it’s our kid and we’d rather kill him than give him back.’”
JAKE’S face started to turn red.
“You think I like this?” he growled. “You think I want this? I’m saying we don’t have to figure it out yet because I don’t think we can. Because I think if we try to, we’re going to get bogged down and we’re going to panic and we’re going to bicker and in the meantime Visser Three’s going to keep on doing whatever the hell he wants and nobody’s going to stop him. We need to move, and this is a way forward. You got a better one, spit it out, but if you don’t, we’re doing this. You said it yourself—we’re not all getting out of this alive.”
“None of that is an argument you’re just saying words—”
“Lll,” said RACHEL.
Heads turned.
“Lllee-llan.”
“Leeran?”
RACHEL nodded.
“What’s a Leeran?” I asked.
“It’s an alien that Visser Three uses when he negotiates,” said MARC1. “It makes a kind of telepathic field so that everybody can see what everybody else is thinking. No lies, no tricks.”
“Which means,” MARC0 added wearily, “that if we’re going to threaten to blow up the planet, we have to actually be willing to blow up the planet.”
There was a long pause.
“Helium,” said JAKE.
You don’t actually need HELIUM you have an AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHILL morph and so does MARC1—
I didn’t say it out loud.
“Helium, Elfangor came here to blow up this planet. He thought it was the only way to stop the Yeerks—to stop Visser Three. He was willing to do it. And as for crossing lines that Andalites don’t cross—he gave us the cube.”
‹We are not Elfangor. Even Aximili is not Elfangor.›
“I know that. What I’m saying is—”
“What he’s saying is, be like the wind in thought and deed.”
HELIUM’S stalk-eyes narrowed as he reared, his tail suddenly unfreezing and lashing around like a cat’s.
‹You are in agreement with this plan?›
“No,” said MARC0. “And I object to calling it a plan. But he wasn’t asking me. He was asking you.”
HELIUM’S eyes swiveled so that one was pointing at each of them.
‹Shorm,› he whispered.
“What does that mean?”
‹It doesn’t matter.›
“Will you do this?” JAKE asked. “If I give this order, will you follow it?”
There was another long silence as they locked eyes, JAKE’S deep brown against the alien’s dark gold.
‹If you order it, we will comply,› HELIUM said. ‹But—›
The alien twisted the end of its body in something like an imitation of a human shaking its head.
‹If it comes to that,› he said, ‹then we will send our own ship into the fire as well. Do you understand? We will allow these others to escape—Marco, and Garrett, and Rachel, and Ante. But you, Prince Jake—you and we—we will not send those others into oblivion and preserve our own lives at the same time. If we cannot find a better path, then our own strategic value is not worth saving. If the victory is worth that much death, it is worth ours along with it.›
JAKE’S eyes flickered toward MARC1, who gave the tiniest little shadow of a nod.
They’ll just bring him back. Him, and maybe you, too—
I didn’t say that, either.
“Marco.”
“We reserve the right to come up with a plan that’s less fucked,” said MARC0. “But okay. If V3 pulls a Leeran, he’ll see that we’re ready to follow through.”
MARC1 nodded—a full nod this time.
“Garrett. I’m not going to—look. You know what we’re planning, what we at least might end up doing. You—I’m not asking you to be a part of that. But if we bring in a Bug fighter, and they come out shooting. What—uh. What will you do?”
It was funny. I hadn’t thought about it until right that second, but—
Just like THARN was the negative opposite of FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, the negative opposite of saying yes to JAKE’S plan wasn’t saying no, it was doing something to actually stop it. Like waiting until we were all back on board, and then using a thoughtscream against all of them. It might even work on HELIUM as long as HELIUM was in morph.
And if I decided no and I really meant no, then that was what I would have to do. Otherwise I wouldn’t really be saying no, I’d just be saying yes but I don’t want it to be my fault.
And maybe it was the same kind of brain-broken as being more upset about thoughtscreaming than about killing everybody—maybe my brain couldn’t really understand what it meant for everybody to die—
But I didn’t want that.
I didn’t want to kill JAKE and MARC0 and MARC1 and RACHEL and HELIUM and ANTE.
I didn’t think that was THE RIGHT THING, even though they were talking about a plan that might kill everybody else.
Everybody else meant seven billion people. That was seven billion times worse than killing one person. More, maybe, since there was also something bad about a whole species dying out—about the end of everything that made up “humanity” above and beyond “a bunch of humans.”
I had killed maybe five hundred people already, when we took down the pool. Not just me, but I’d done the thoughtscreaming and I’d carried the bombs. It was more my fault than RACHEL’S, that was for sure.
And this would be about fourteen million times worse.
I didn’t know how to do the math to compare fourteen million times worse to how well I knew JAKE. But I knew that 1.625ish wasn’t enough. 1.6180339887498948482 wouldn’t be enough. I wouldn’t even trust TOBIAS with a call like that, if someone asked me. I wouldn’t even trust myself. I get lots of things wrong.
But—
That didn’t matter?
It didn’t matter, because VISSER THREE was out there. VISSER THREE was winning. And as long as he was winning, we were all in danger. All of us, HUMANS and YEERKS and ANDALITES and HORK-BAJIR and TAXXONS and ARN and whatever a LEERAN was and all of the other people and critters.
And so even though it felt like I couldn’t be sure enough to say yes, it also felt like I couldn’t be sure enough to say no, either. There was something dangerous and wrong about that whole thought, something I wanted to sit down and try to figure out, but we didn’t have time and everybody was looking at me and in the end I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t even really thinking, maybe my brain was just flipping a coin but
“I’ll stop them,” I said.
JAKE nodded.
“Rachel?” he asked.
“Chh,” she answered. “Chur, us.”
“Trust?”
“You.”
JAKE let out a breath.
“Ante,” he said. “I’m sorry. I really, truly am sorry. But—I don’t know you. We don’t know you. You don’t get a vote on this one. I want to say we’re going to just drop you off someplace safe, and that’s it.”
“Nnnnno.”
“Yeah. I want to say that, but Rachel says you stay—if you want. So, uh. Morph up, everybody—morph up and load up. Ante, if you’re coming—come.”
I looked at the tall Finnish boy. We’d talked a good bit over the last two days, and of course I’d morphed him to look through his memories—
Right.
“Wait,” I said. “Before we morph, we should all acquire each other again. We should do that all the time.”
—but really I only knew him 1.5ish, maybe 1.666-and-so-on-ish.
But three minutes later, as the cradle door slid shut behind us, there he was, beside me in swift morph once again.
1.6.
Chapter 60: Chapter 41: Helium
Notes:
TRIGGER WARNING: Traumatic violence, psychological abuse, rape, torture.
This chapter contains triggers for at least one of the above; I'm trying to strike a balance between being responsible and not-spoiling-the-plot. If you have strong triggers for any of those, please have a friend read this chapter first, and then ask them for advice. It's not significantly beyond the level of previous chapters, but it's somewhat more ... explicit.
Other author's notes ... I expect to release at least six chapters in a row, spaced two or three weeks apart. If and when I go on hiatus again, I expect it to be the last hiatus, as after that there will be no more than eight or nine chapters before the story is over.
As always, please please pretty pretty please leave me your thoughts, comments, speculations, and feedback, either here or over at r/rational. You're what makes the story worth it; it helps a lot more than you might think to hear back from you.
Chapter Text
Chapter 41: Helium
Marco stepped back, and Prince Jake stepped forward, his hand reaching out toward the patch of fur just behind our shoulder. There was pressure—a brief moment of lethargy as the acquiring trance passed over us—and then—
Shock.
The memory evaporated in an instant—the tiny island, the gathered humans, the wide, blue sky—all of them gone, as if they had never been. We were back inside the cradle, standing tree-stretch in the secondary position, our hands gripping the auxiliary motivators. And there, in the primary position, one stalk eye turned back to stare at us—
Several things happened, then, in quick, tumbling succession, each overlapping with the other.
A thought appeared, almost by reflex, invalid already before it had even finished forming, comprehension striking a mere fraction of an instant after perception.
Impossible—
A voice responded—friendly and familiar, but far closer than it had ever been before, as if whispered from just behind our ear—responded, and then broke off in turn.
‹You’re a mo—›
There was a moment of wild confusion.
There was an echoing of revelations.
There was a sensation of something like acknowledgement, acceptance, acclimation—a settling of sorts, as of displaced water returning to stillness.
‹Huh,› said the part of us that was Prince Jake.
Our thoughts divided, then—as they had before, as they often did—parallel lines of reason and experience forming as our mind chased several threads at once.
You are the servant of the people. You are the servant of your prince. You are the servant of honor. Your life is not your own. You are one with the people—
The litany rolled through us, as it had not since Aximili’s first revolution in training—a sad, archaic, self-comforting reflex, a reassuring child’s lullaby. We felt it—felt the fear that had triggered it—the watching recrimination of the part of ourself that had believed us beyond such things—the low shame at the fact that it was comforting, that it did bring relief.
You are a morph, Helium.
We could hear the words as they would sound in human stick-speak—familiar now, after the long, lonely weeks among the humans, a well-worn set of mental grooves.
But we also felt it in the true language of our deep mind—the raw images and pure sensation that were the hallmark of Andalite thought—and there was no “word” for it, there. No handle for this thing that was happening to us—no metaphor, no symbol, no simple, common story. It was taboo, forbidden—almost literally inconceivable.
You are [HORROR].
You are [UNTHINKABLE].
You are [MUST-NOT].
Our self-image, surrounded by shivering void, pierced by fraying nothingness, unraveling in fear and revulsion and overwhelming dread.
A morph.
A shadow, a ghost, a disposable copy. A thief-mind, a stolen soul, a dark impostor called into being by our war-prince for only as long as it would take to fulfill some unknown purpose, and then—
Your life is given for the people, and for your prince, and for your honor.
Then, we would be unmade, and we would not be remembered.
‹Why?› we whispered.
‹I’m sorry,› came the answer.
Meanwhile—
—simultaneous—
—parallel with the first line of thought, and entirely distinct from it—
You are the servant of the people. You are the servant of your prince. You are the servant of honor. Your life is not your own. You are one with the people—
Perdão was gone.
(Of course.)
We were gone—the “we” that had included her, that had identified a part of itself as her. Helium was gone, and in its place—
(The memory dredged itself from the deep fog that held our physics education, a lifetime ago—the particle that the humans called quadium, an ephemeral hydrogen isotope consisting of a single proton and three neutrons, with a lifespan so brief that trillions upon trillions of generations would decay in the space between two heartsbeat—)
We were whole.
Whole, where we would have expected to be broken, fragmented, incomplete. One whole—not Aximili-and-Elfangor-and-Tom with a void where Perdão had been, but Aximili-and-Elfangor-and-Tom-and-Jake, two pairs of brothers joined in harmony, a single functioning chorus, no less so than Helium had been.
There was asymmetry, as there had been with Perdão—a frosted, translucent barrier rather than a pure window, the parts of us that were not Jake only vaguely and partially aware of the content of his share of the experience.
But we were shocked—all of us, Jake included—to discover that the barrier was permeable at all. That the link was anything other than one-way—that we could follow the ebb and flow of his emotions to any discernible degree. Perdão at least had been physically with us, sharing the same skull—we had learned to read the echoes of her thoughts in the same way that humans decoded the twitch and flicker of facial expression, reading the patterns, backchaining from outputs to probable states.
But the mind of our war-prince was impossibly, inconceivably distant—was literally on another plane of existence, connected to us only by the narrow thread of a Z-space interlink animating artificial Yeerk tissue.
‹How?› we whispered, Jake no less than the rest of us.
And meanwhile—
You are the servant of the people. You are the servant of your prince. You are the servant of honor. Your life is not your own. You are one with the people—
We wondered why this had been done to us—why our war-prince would have awakened us, rather than merely drawing what he needed from our memories, leaving us in peaceful uncreation.
We wondered, and as we wondered, the answer emerged—
—evolved—
—not spoken directly by Jake, nor independently deduced by Aximili/Elfangor/Tom, but grown like a topiary from the interaction between them, the human’s reactions carving and guiding and shaping the progression of the Andalite’s thoughts in a tight, iterative loop.
We would not have been awakened, were it not necessary.
If the answer could be read from our memories alone, it would not have been necessary.
Therefore, our war-prince needed us—needed to consult us-as-a-mind, to seek our active counsel and judgment.
On the question of—
Grim confirmation.
If the victory is worth that much death, it is worth ours along with it.
It was the last thing that we remembered saying—the last thing that Helium had said, before our war-prince had acquired us. Our last, most recent memory.
The codes that Visser One had claimed she could provide.
The reinforcement fleet, inbound and imminent.
The cradle, half-charged and hunted by the humans.
The newly resurgent Visser Three.
And Prince Jake’s plan, his wild gambit—to crash the newly-arrived ships into one another at relativistic speeds. To crash them into the planet itself, if Visser Three could not be stopped—could not be persuaded to stop.
Prince Jake, the human with the inhuman insight, had looked into the future, and had noticed—
‹Yes.›
Had wondered—
‹Yes.›
We moved our eyes, then—returning our attention for the first time in long moments to the world outside of our own mind, the world in which we stood—
A morph.
(An abomination.)
—in the secondary position inside of the cradle, looking over at Helium—
The real Helium.
—who still watched us, curious, with a single stalk eye, as they piloted the craft—
‹Near Florida,› whispered the-part-of-us-that-was-Jake. ‹One of the original Bug fighters is in low orbit and will pass by in about fifteen minutes.›
At which point Helium—
The real Helium.
—would—
—would—
—would—
‹Exactly,› whispered our war-prince.
Would they do it?
We don’t need to control them. At least, not for very long. Just long enough for one hyperspace jump.
Would they, in fact, pull the trigger, when the moment came? If Prince Jake ordered them to?
Would we?
If it comes to that, Helium had said, then we will send our own ship into the fire as well.
We could remember producing the thought—remember the circumstances leading up to it, the rapid-fire confusion, our emotions shifting like mercury. Those words had come from our deep-self, from what the humans would have called our hearts, rather than our head—had been an ad-hoc compromise between the part of us that was screaming and the part of us that had nothing better to offer—a necessary concession in order to produce words of agreement despite an avalanche of reservation.
We will do this, even though we do not want to, as long as we don’t have to live with ourselves after.
‹Yeah,› said Prince Jake, and we could feel the hollow vacuum of his dread, and the thin layer of steel that was barely keeping it contained. ‹That’s what I figured.›
Those were the words Helium had given, in the heat of the moment. But then long, long minutes had followed—minutes which Prince Jake’s aura confirmed had been filled with thought and silence. Minutes for the weight of what had been proposed to settle, for its true magnitude to be felt, for reluctant agreement to decay into regret and panic.
There might be thirty coalescions aboard those ships. Millions of shards—perhaps seven million, perhaps even fourteen. And their hosts as well.
And seven billion humans on the planet below.
And Terra, Perdão’s coalescion, the only living proof—
(Besides Helium.)
—of a new way. A better way. A true third path.
And to be gained—
Is there even anything to be gained? Anything at all?
We waited, but no part of us produced an answer.
The Visser has escaped death once already. He’s had an open pathway to the rest of the galaxy since almost the very beginning. The infection has already spread; amputating a limb will accomplish—
We tried to produce the word nothing, but our mind rebelled, unwilling to let the claim pass unchallenged.
We didn’t know that it would do nothing. If the Earth were destroyed—if the reinforcement fleet were destroyed—if the entire system were reduced to dust and ash—
It might make the difference. Might make a difference. Might hobble the Visser, even hamstring him. Would, at the very least, buy some kind of time—
Unless he already has clones operating outside of the system.
No. Even then, preventing him from adding the strength of the human civilization to his cause would not be meaningless. Even given the personnel and materiel he had already extracted. Obviously, else—as our war-prince had pointed out—he would not still be here.
But the cost—
We closed our eyes for a moment.
We could feel ourselves turning, spinning, like a foundling distracted by its own tail. Could feel the temptation, the pressure, to talk ourselves into it, to select from among all possible beliefs the ones most likely to leave us with some kind of chance, some kind of action—anything more tolerable than the thought that we could do nothing.
(We recognized, then, the mistake—that on some level we had been behaving as if there was obviously some path forward. As if it were a puzzle, and we had only to find the missing piece—as if taking no action were an active failure, and not simply a bitter default.)
((We felt shame, then, and the heat of embarrassment, for a lesson we knew we should have learned long since.))
(((It was curious, how we could feel the difference in our thoughts, the change in our perspective—the difference it made, to be carrying Jake upon our shoulder instead of Perdão. To be primed to first answer Jakeish objections, to have our attention focused in Jakeish directions—to be rewarded and reassured from a Jakeish perspective rather than a Perdãoish one, and all without anything like pressure or decision.)))
And in another corner of our mind, another version of us continued to despair, as it had been despairing all along, at the twin unbearable horrors—that we should not have been brought into being, that we would soon cease to be—that we were a soul without a future, a spirit with a stolen past, that we had only just this hour awakened and would this very hour be erased—
And in another corner of our mind, another version of us continued to revel and wonder, as it had been reveling and wondering all along, at the whole new person we had become, the strange and beautiful experience of being a human being an Andalite being a human being an Andalite—the reunion of Jake with Tom Berenson—the ecstatic joy of taking part in a harmony with notes we had never before imagined, let alone produced—
And he was with us, Prince Jake—with us in all three places, somehow, his own mind overclocked, paralleling our own through some unknown quirk of the morphing interface. He was there, whispering words of honor and comfort as we wrestled with the nightmare, and he was there, laughing alongside us as we danced together in the vastness of the hirac, and he was there, watching and weighing as we weighed and watched—as we struggled to imagine what it would be like to be ourselves again—our other selves, the true Helium, the creature that had formed itself in conversation with Perdão rather than Jake—
‹Perdão means forgiveness.›
There was the sensation of a nod from the part of us that was our war-prince, a feeling of recognition and acknowledgement, even as each part of us knew that no other part of us knew precisely what it was that we were seeing.
Forgiveness.
Whose forgiveness? And for which transgression?
We opened our eyes again, looked once more at Helium—
The real Helium.
‹They know,› we said suddenly, the realization breaking in upon our thoughts. ‹What we are doing, right now. What you are asking us. They know what is happening.›
We felt the shift in Prince Jake’s aura, heard the spoken word ‹Yeah› and knew that it had started out as probably.
Helium knew that Prince Jake was wondering whether he could trust them.
(Probably.)
Helium knew that Prince Jake was uncertain enough to go check—that he did not simply want to ask.
(Probably.)
They knew that if they said no, Prince Jake could order Garrett to incapacitate them, and then morph them himself, and pull the trigger on his own.
They knew that, if they were in fact defiant, if they were in truth preparing mutiny, they could either wait until the last moment, and attempt sabotage, or strike preemptively now.
They knew that he knew that.
And with all of that, we knew—convinced ourselves, almost, that we could actually feel—the deep, unutterable sadness that Helium was feeling, right this very instant—the raw and open grief, that it had to be this way, that it had come to this—that even now, at what might very well be the end of all things, there still remained this gulf between us—
Perdão?
But the thought had not come from Perdão, of course. More like a shadow, an imprint—like the ghost of Tom Berenson which we carried within us. We remembered Perdão, and knew what she would say—knew it with sufficient fidelity that we could almost produce the words themselves.
Perdão, right now, was mourning.
‹Unless it was all an act. From the very beginning.›
But it wasn’t.
It wasn’t.
We knew that it wasn’t, even as we knew that we couldn’t truly know—acknowledged the uncertainty even as we refused to let it in, refused to let ourselves experience it. We could feel it, and we could feel that our war-prince felt it, too—that Perdão’s whole being, her entire purpose, was to bind, to join. That she had no guile within her—that whatever hidden intentions might be held by Terra, or by the Yeerk race as a whole—whatever calculations and machinations had led to her creation—that Perdão herself was exactly what she seemed. That it was her choice to be the bridge that our respective species so desperately needed, to symbolize and eternalize and embody, in her own person, the potential for cooperation.
For forgiveness.
‹But what does that mean here?› our war-prince wailed, loosening his grip on his desperation, letting the wildness leak into his voice, as it had already leaked across the barrier between us. ‹What does that mean she’s going to do?›
‹She will not do anything,› we countered. ‹Not unilaterally.›
‹Fine, then. What will Helium do?›
What should I do, he didn’t say. But we heard it, all the same, and in that instant he heard it, too, through us—saw himself, for a moment, through our eyes.
There was a shock of silence, like the moment between lightning and thunder.
‹Prince Jake?›
There was no answer, but we could feel his aura twisting further, shifting, hardening—a rush of emotions as the realization sank in, that his suspicion had been a proxy, a feint, a subconscious projection—that actually, what should I do had been the question the entire time, and his doubts about Helium’s compliance a way to shift that uncertainty elsewhere.
‹Prince Jake—›
Confusion, shame, humiliation—
‹Prince Jake!›
Despair, panic, reckless abandon—it was too much, too much for him to hold, and we realized all of a sudden that he was alone—that he had been trying to answer this question all on his own—
(Because Helium might not be trustworthy, because Garrett was an aspie weirdo, because Rachel’s brain was broken, because Ante was just some random kid, because Marco—)
((It was too much to put into words, but fortunately we did not need them.))
—that he was only letting us see as much as he was because we were going to go away in a minute anyway, what did it even matter what we thought, and besides it was too much, too much, and now he’d discovered that he had created a whole new person just because he was trying to dodge having to deal with his own shit and now that person was going to die and he still didn’t know what to do—
The barrier between us flexed, blurred—we tried to reach out, and it was as if our fingers were sliding on glass—trying to grasp air—
‹Prince Jake—›
We could sense the blade swinging toward us in the dark, the link between us about to be severed as he turned to demorph—as he fled to demorph—
‹Hey, midget! What’s the rush?›
Another flash of lightning. Another shock of silence. A breathless, airless limbo, and then a slow turning sensation, as if Prince Jake had fixed all four eyes upon us.
(And then it was our turn to feel guilty, because we didn’t know, we truly could not say whether we had stopped him out of concern for him—for the billions of lives he held in his hands—or out of our own mundane desire to continue existing for just a little bit longer—)
((Elsewhere in our mind, a shadow clone of our war-prince shook his head and spoke words of validation and encouragement.))
‹You’re not Tom,› said this Prince Jake, and there was more than a hint of accusation in his voice, his aura colored red and black with anger.
You’re not Tom, and you don’t get to call me ‘midget.’
‹No,› we answered. ‹But Tom’s down there, isn’t he?›
He flinched.
(And suddenly, some part of us made the connection, that the difference between Perdão-and-Aximili, or Aximili-and-Jake, and regular, ordinary Aximili—)
((Even Aximili with dain Elfangor.))
(—was that there was something to push against. Growth and pruning, iterated evolution, a generative adversarial relationship. That in contrast, the Andalite mind alone was a single note forever echoing between endless mirrors—)
‹Talk to Helium,› we said, the words bursting forth with sudden conviction.
‹And tell them what?›
We cast about desperately—
‹The truth.›
More silence, this time with an air of easy for you to say. But it was begrudging rather than genuinely bitter—tired, hollow, as if the earlier firestorm of emotion had burned itself out.
You were worried that Helium would mutiny because you thought that they thought that the plan was bad. Because some part of you thought the plan was bad.
(Because the human mind worked via dialectic—not merely dain but genuine disagreement, able to fully believe two contradictory things at the same time—)
((Was this the key, and nothing more? Was the special quality of the Yeerk-Andalite bond that simple?))
‹And if I’m still not sure?›
Quiet, the question, but still it shook us.
It wasn’t just its vulnerability, coming from our war-prince. It was its misplacement. It was a thought not meant for us—a thought that had come to us only through some deep and twisted wrongness in the world. It was a thought that should have been whispered to Marco, to Cassie, to Rachel—a thought that had been shared with us as a poor and inadequate substitute.
We felt pity, then, and warmth—concern and hope—anxiety and pride—
(And still, underneath it all, the fear and horror that had been threatening to overwhelm us since the moment of our awakening.)
‹Know victory,› we said, drawing the words up from memory, their edges as hard and sharp as a tail-blade. ‹Know victory in every form and every shape—know its every property. If you cannot recognize it when you see it—cannot tell it apart from defeat—then you will never know which of the available paths is the true Path.›
There was silence once again. We could tell, from our war-prince’s aura, that the catechism had conveyed no insight, brought about no new clarity.
But that was correct. It wasn’t supposed to. The words weren't an answer—they were a tool for finding answers, a reminder of what the search for answers consisted of. They were a discriminator between answers and non-answers, and in that way were exactly what the poor lost human child needed. Prince Jake didn’t know what to do because he still had not chosen a goal—to preserve life, or damage the Visser, or something else entirely.
‹What do you think the goal is?› he asked.
The ghost of Perdão spoke, then, out of the memory of the day of our previous rebirth.
‹This is the Ellimist’s game,› we said. ‹And legend tells us that, no matter what one does, it is always what the Ellimist wanted. But where did that legend come from, and why is it repeated so often, and so loudly? Who wants us to believe it, and why?›
We waited as our war-prince digested the thought.
‹Victory is escape,› we continued, fighting to hold back the looming black despair, the absolute knowledge of our own impending end. ‹Self-determination. An end to the manipulation, an end to the proxy war. Whatever sets us free—for as long as we are puppets in the Ellimist’s game, we aren’t truly living anyway.›
We could feel our war-prince’s doubt. His skepticism, his suspicion.
That doesn’t sound right, his aura whispered.
But it didn’t sound wrong, either.
Which meant—
* * *
We turned our second stalk back along with the first, to watch as the body of the human boy emerged from that of the Andalite.
(We could not quite forestall the burst of outrage—the tired and hollow reflex, a remnant of a child’s religious zeal, the echo of a thousand voices shouting forbidden! But the feeling was transient and fleeting, with no real power to move us—like a human sneeze, not even forgotten so much as hardly acknowledged in the first place.)
It was cramped, in the cradle, with just enough room for an adult Andalite warrior to stand tree-stretch. But Prince Jake was not tall, for a human, and he stood upright, facing us, his hands held still at his sides.
There was a long, tense moment.
(Aximili alone would have spoken. But the part of us that was Perdão knew the value of patience—had touched, through Terra and Telor, ten thousand human lifetimes. And though it did not hold the memories—could not store even the tiniest fraction of that vast accumulated wisdom—still it carried with it a sense, a feeling, a set of instincts, and all-of-us-as-Helium were in agreement with its intuition.)
Our war-prince’s eyes drifted about the cabin, settling here and there before returning to meet our own.
(He did not know—)
((Or perhaps he did? He was uncommonly good at discerning such things.))
(—that an Andalite with its back turned was an uncertain Andalite, a frightened Andalite—that millions of years of evolution had taught Aximili’s people to put their head as far away from the enemy as possible, and their tail blade in between. That it was only with training that an Andalite warrior learned to face some enemies head-on and survive.)
((Some enemies.))
(((We would have been lying if we had claimed to not feel threatened.)))
“We take the Bug fighter,” he said finally, his voice low and hoarse. “Like we said. We try to get in contact with the resistance. And then we decide from there. We don’t make up our minds about anything else yet.”
We waited.
So did he.
‹We?› we asked.
“Together.”
We felt a slight lessening of tension, some of the electric readiness leaching out of our tail.
Prince Jake noticed, his eyes flickering downward before rising to meet ours again.
“Would you have?” he asked softly.
‹Have what?›
“Would you—”
He broke off, gulped, his hands tightening briefly into fists before spreading deliberately open. “Would you have let me do it?”
Let me.
It was not the sentence we had been expecting—not quite. There were layers and layers in those seven words, and deep and heavy meaning in our war-prince’s eyes. We thought, and thought, and chose our response carefully.
‹The question is invalid,› we asserted, widening the beam of our thoughts to include all of the others—
(The others, who were hidden in morph all around us, doubtless poised and ready to attack, if our war-prince commanded them to.)
‹—there is no possible future in which you would force such a choice, Prince Jake.›
(We hoped that they would understand—that this was the process by which we avoided such a conflict; that what was taking place this very moment was evidence of our alliance working properly.)
((It wasn’t strictly true, we noted, deep within the parts of ourself that would brook no knowing self-deception. But it was the sort of thing which would become true, by virtue of being believed—the sort of thing we could make true, together, with the power of choice.))
‹And it is because of that that you are our prince,› we continued. ‹Someone whose orders we are willing to follow—against our own judgment, even, if it comes to that.›
We watched as he took in a breath—slowly, mechanically, as if filling a container to its precise maximum capacity.
We could not say exactly how the conclusion had come to us, during the long and silent minutes of the so-called “morph check.”
Some part of it was humility—an accumulated awareness of the legacy of mistakes on every side, of all of the death and destruction that descended directly from Yeerk and Andalite hubris.
(Though it seemed clear that humans as a whole were no better, it could at least be said of the Animorphs themselves that they had launched no wars and no genocides—that none of them had ever, as far as we could tell, taken a life as a matter of course, in pursuit of nothing more than their own satisfaction.)
((None besides Marco, anyway, and perhaps that had counted as a special circumstance.))
Some part of it was pragmatism—an awareness that Jake and the others could, in fact, overrule and overwhelm us, if they so chose, and that for us to turn against each other now was to all-but-guarantee the Visser his victory. There were courses of action which would justify mutiny, but none which would justify it this early, without so much as an attempt at suasion and convergence—especially given that Prince Jake had just now reaffirmed his openness to disagreement.
There was even a part which was closer by far to superstition than it was to reason—some half-formed, quarter-endorsed sense that our own most crucial contribution was still yet to come, that it lay in the future beyond the war, when our three species would come together to pick up the pieces, and that we-as-Helium would serve as a template for the next generation. It was indefensible, irrational—would have been embarrassing to admit aloud—was only a small part of our overall motivation—but it was present nonetheless, and along with it a desire to remain as close as we could to the center of the Ellimist’s plot, to avoid any action which might irrevocably sever our ties to the primary players.
(Or primary pawns, depending on one’s perspective.)
Yet in the end, the final consideration wasn’t any of these, was instead something subtler, more tenuous—something perhaps entirely unjustified, and yet it still had the power to move us—
The whole point is for you to be placed into situations where your decisions are philosophically relevant, the avatar had said. Situations where you are free to choose, where the constraints on your choices are primarily your constraints—your morals, your values, your tradeoffs. It is the anticipation of your choices that has led Crayak and the Ellimist to choose you, over others. But the choices are still yours. The outcomes themselves remain variable, unknown. The situation is, genuinely, uncertain, and including you in the mix increases the chance of the desired outcome, where not including you—or including someone else, rather than you—does not.
We didn’t know how much of that was true, as opposed to being subtle manipulation or outright falsehood.
But it had occurred to us—
(Which was to say, to Aximili, and Perdão, and Elfangor, and Tom, each individually and together in conversation.)
—it had occurred to each and all of us that there was a straightforward solution to the problem of the Ellimist. Or at least, one that was straightforward in concept, however impractical in execution:
Simply ensure that every possible outcome of your behavior was positive, such that the worst-of-all-possible-outcomes was nevertheless acceptable.
The complicating factor, of course, was magnitude—it was easy to minimize one’s potential negative impact if one were incapable of having any meaningful impact at all. Far harder to ensure that large, consequential actions would point in the correct direction, since a clever manipulator could arrange, at the last second, to multiply everything you had accomplished by negative one. The more potent one became—the more influential one’s place at the center of indeterminate events—then the more obviously risky was any action at all, and we—
—Aximili, and Perdão, and the human Animorphs—
—had been maneuvered into just such a position. Under such circumstances, the obvious de-escalating move was suicide—sacrificing one’s potential future positive effects to nullify one’s potential future negative.
But—
The Visser.
In a way, the existence of the Visser eased the pressure upon us, made almost every likely future more reassuring—at least when it came to evaluating the risk associated with our own actions, which even now seemed near-guaranteed to be smaller than his, overall. At a certain point, it was difficult to imagine that we could do anything to make the situation meaningfully worse—already the default outcome was everyone dies, or perhaps everyone is enslaved. While it was certainly conceivable that our actions might be upstream of some yet-more-hideous future—
(Say, one in which infinite intelligences were brought into being only to be tortured for eldritch horror’s amusement.)
—there was a difference between imagining the possibility and claiming that there was, in fact, a set of mundane actions which would ultimately bring it about.
Were the Visser not in play, we might well consider ourselves morally obligated to kill ourselves, rather than to allow the Ellimist to use us as a lever. But in light of Visser Three’s status as the primary antagonist—
Well. As yet, our continued survival still seemed worth the risk.
(Though of course, that’s exactly how it would seem, were the opposite the case.)
((We wondered how it would have seemed to Esplin’s forebears—to Cirran, in the moments before they took Alloran.))
(((Separately, it troubled us that we still could not in any fashion pinpoint what had come of our own presence on the mission to the planet of the Arn. It had seemed, going in, as though we were destined for some important revelation, some critical role—but either that simply wasn’t the case, or it had been in a fashion too subtle for us to comprehend, or the process still had yet to run to completion, or—)))
In any event, that risk—the risk that somehow our actions, our very existence, might be a critical link in some chain leading to vast, unspecified disaster—it seemed to us that that risk grew smaller, not larger, as we strengthened our bonds with our allies, added checks and balances to our behavior—
(As our behavior checked and balanced theirs.)
It seemed to us—
(Though we knew the thought was dangerous, and even more dangerous if untrue.)
—that there was a floor, but no ceiling. That there were points at which things could not meaningfully be said to get worse, but that there were infinite points at which things could get better, if only we managed to survive the local low-point, to climb back out of the valley of the current conflict.
And the way forward, we knew—
(We thought.)
((We believed.))
The way forward was—as it had been—as it would remain—
Together.
It was the most intuitive path—the most unlikely at the outset and the most sensible in retrospect, combining the strength of both Yeerk and Andalite natures and evading the primary flaws of each—xenophobia, dominance, an inability to adapt to fundamentally novel circumstances.
(There was cowardice there, as well as virtue—if it proved to be a mistake, the disaster would not be solely on our shoulders, and this fact was greater comfort than we might have wished—was an almost shamefully relevant factor. In some abstract sense, we would prefer to be the sort of entity that did not take solace in shared blame, shared suffering, but it was what it was.)
And ultimately, there was only so much uncertainty we could attempt to juggle, before it became more honest to admit that we simply did not know. That we would rather be part of a council than take the whole burden of heroic responsibility onto our own shoulders, alone—
(Even in full foreknowledge that the council would sometimes be wrong, for the aggregate result, in expectation, was still less wrong than we could hope to achieve on our own. And if every member of a council reserved the right to mutiny whenever the decision did not go their way, then there was no council at all. There were gains which could only be purchased via a true and enduring sacrifice, and a fraction of our sovereignty was a small enough price to pay.)
Prince Jake didn’t know what to do either, but at least he would not have to contend with us second-guessing his unknowledge from our own place of confusion. If we were to have no ideas of our own, we would at least not wantonly veto his.
All of this and more we thought—had been thinking—would have liked to convey, as we watched our war-prince try on our body, watched him wrestle with our shadow-self, followed the twitch of his tail as he came to conclusions unknown. But the words had been too hard to find, and the time too short, and so we had chanced it, putting our faith in his caution and wisdom.
And now—
Now, we were here.
All of us.
Or at least, those of us who were left.
The human child released the breath he’d taken in, his shoulders slowly softening. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Let’s do it.”
* * *
— Earlier —
‹Marco, we would like to speak directly to the Visser, please.›
Marco’s gaze had flickered toward the bat in the corner, which had given a quiet nod.
“All right, then,” he said.
He stood, cleared his throat, cracked his knuckles, tilted his head, rolled his shoulders, and then raised both hands, intoning in a deep, booming voice “Agana aksaka seppulu!”
There was a pause.
‹It’s wasted on them, you know,› said the other Marco.
‹I got it,› grumbled Prince Jake. ‹I just don’t want to give him the satisfaction.›
‹Excuse me, but—›
‹Garrett here. It’s not real, Ante. None of us have magical powers. Over.›
‹Hey, speak for yourself, power-of-twelve-dorks.›
As they talked, we kept our main eyes trained on the first Marco, the one carrying the shard of Visser One, whose body language had subtly shifted. His feet were now further apart than they had been, his facial muscles unusually still above a neck that seemed longer than it had a moment before.
The eyes glittered.
“Andalite,” the boy said—softly, curtly, the word cutting through the chatter and sparking a chill silence.
We paused for a fraction of a second, considering our response.
‹Human,› we answered back, matching the soft tone.
The boy laughed, and it was strange how close to familiar the sound was—how it was so clearly almost the laugh of the Marco we knew, but shifted ever so slightly off center.
(It was Marco’s mother’s laugh, we realized. A stolen mannerism, as we ourselves had absorbed some of the mannerisms of Tom Berenson.)
“Fair,” he said. “Though not completely fair, eh? Are you not at least a little bit Andalite, by now? A little bit Andalite, and a little bit human, too, Perdão of the Terran pool?”
‹Aximili is Andalite,› we replied. ‹As Perdão is Yeerk. We are neither.›
“I’d say I’d heard that before, but in all honesty Esplin never really admitted it, even after it was obvious.”
We tilted our head, after the fashion of humans. ‹And is the same not true of you?› we asked quietly. ‹Are you truly still only Yeerk, even now?›
Her lip—
(His lip; it was startling the degree to which Marco had receded into the background; how easy it was to look at the face and see only Edriss five-six-two of the Sulp Niar pool.)
The Controller’s lip twisted.
“Only?” she said.
The conversation was quickening, taking on something of the cadence of Andalite discourse, or the sharing of the pool. There were layers of inference and implication, dots left unconnected with subtle meaning and purpose. We felt suddenly unsure of our footing, wary of saying things that meant more than we intended.
‹It must be one or the other, no?› we answered, hazarding a guess. ‹Would it not count as lesser?›
“Lesser, or less diluted.”
‹A Yeerk speaks of purity?› we scoffed, unable to keep the disbelief from our tone.
“Perhaps I’ve picked up something from the humans after all.”
Again the cold laugh, unnervingly off-key.
One of our stalks twisted to look at Prince Jake, perched in bat form atop the rations container. He twitched, but we could not tell whether it was meant to convey anything, and he spoke no words aloud.
‹You’ve lost us,› we said. ‹What do you mean?›
Edriss shrugged, and this time the shrug was entirely Marco. “Nothing,” she said. “It’s your meeting, anyway.”
Our eyes swept uselessly around the room, as if there were guidance to be found upon the walls. ‹We will arrive at the intercept point in another sixty-three minutes,› we said bluntly. ‹It’s time for you to give us the codes.›
“They aren’t actually codes,” she answered. “It’s more of a mechanical backdoor. Broadcast a four-point harmonic in a pattern of one, two, three, five, seven, eleven, and thirteen. This will cause a brief arrhythmic stutter in the engine feed, which will trigger the snooper diagnostic. The snooper has a hidden subroutine layered in which monitors the passive sensors and the comms; if either of those register a triple burst of radiation at 1667.359 megahertz while the snooper is running, that locks out the computer for about three tenths of a second. Send any command whatsoever on standard Andalite military frequencies during that lockout, and the auto-return to break the lock will disengage, leaving you permanently in remote control.”
We felt a chill. For her to have engineered such a backdoor—to have layered it into the Bug fighter designs from the very beginning—
We could see Elfangor’s hand in it, the evidence of his influence—or at least his skill, his insight, his expertise. However they knew each other, whatever time they had spent together—
This, too, was a domino.
‹That is not the pathway you described to us before,› we said.
“Sue me.”
Moments passed.
‹You said standard Andalite military frequencies. Mechanical?›
“Or thought-speak.” She smirked. “Couldn’t rule out the possibility I might grab one of those sweet Andalite bodies for myself at some point. Don’t suppose you want to trade?”
Our body language must have conveyed some sense of our inner turmoil, because Edriss laughed. “What’s the matter?” she asked.
We gave no response.
“Trust me, it works. Not like there’s any point in lying now, anyway. Not like you can’t toss me out the airlock either way.”
We looked once again to Prince Jake—to the small, armored creature that was the other Marco—to the birds that were Ante and Garrett-holding-Rachel-in-morph. None of them seemed inclined to jump in.
‹It doesn’t—› we began, and then broke off.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
‹You could—you don’t have to—›
“Save it. Believe me, I know. Elena brought it up about every twelve seconds for several years straight.”
‹Then—why?›
We tried—and failed—to put sufficient weight into the words, to convey the sheer magnitude of the missed opportunity—the lost value—the unfathomable, incomprehensible waste of it all. The war. The enslavement. The suffering and death. All the strife and struggle, and none of it serving anyone but the Visser—
(And Edriss in particular had been given a second chance. Had, through the Ellimist’s machinations, been brought back to a time before the war had spiraled out of control, a time where it was still possible to change the course of things—)
“You think it’s that easy?”
It was Edriss’s turn to scoff, this time, the bitter incredulousness sliding back into her tone like it had never left.
“You think it’s that easy to just—just undo everything that’s been done? You think that if we just say ‘oops’ that all will be forgiven? That the Andalites will forgive us?”
We tried to form a response—
She stepped forward, putting her face a handsbreadth from our own, her expression dark and furious. “You think that Marco would have let me live, if I’d just been some lowly shard who’d taken his mother because she’d been told to—some grub that never knew better?”
We remembered, then—the chamber in the heart of the abandoned Arn city, the Controllers dead and dying—nine of them killed in a surprise attack and the tenth executed in cold blood—without hesitation, without even a word of warning—
The Yeerk held up two of Marco’s fingers with barely more than a hair’s thickness between them. “He’s this close to killing himself four times over just to get back at me,” she spat. “Sometimes he thinks about killing himself three times, so there’ll be just enough of me left to know exactly how much I’ve lost. He’d have done it already if it wasn’t for the war. If I wasn’t useful.”
She leaned back, laughing, and the sound was even emptier this time, black as hard vacuum. “No, I know exactly how much forgiveness there is in the human heart, and so does Visser Three. That’s the real trap—that at a certain point, going further becomes easier than turning back. They can’t exterminate us if we’re the ones in control.”
‹But you aren’t in control,› we pointed out. ‹Right now, you are not in control.›
“Don’t play dumb. It’s not convincing.”
‹It’s not convincing when you do it, either. Look us in the eyes and tell us that Marco has no forgiveness in his heart, for you. Tell us that he—›
‹Stop.›
We broke off, turning both stalks to focus on our war-prince.
‹Stop,› Prince Jake repeated. ‹Helium—Perdão—you—you’re—look, I get what—›
His words were broken, fragmented, and some instinct told us to hold very, very still.
‹You don’t—you don’t want to ask that question. Not yet.›
We pretended stone, one eye fixed on the bat, the other on Marco/Edriss.
‹You haven’t—you weren’t—›
Our mind raced ahead, completing the sentences, filling in the gaps—
‹Look. My brother. Marco’s mom. What they did to Cassie’s parents—›
(And somewhere inside of us, a new eye opened, and we could see that we had indeed been blind, caught up in our own narrow perspective—that we had allowed ourselves to follow the taste of sweetgrass into a ravine.)
‹You and Elfangor were soldiers, it’s different when you’re a soldier, you signed up for this—›
(And we understood, then, what our war-prince was trying to say.)
‹It’s—it’s too soon.›
For that question—the question of forgiveness—it would only be answered once, and then that answer would be the answer, would become real and final in the process of crystallization, gaining mass and inertia.
And if it were answered now, with the memories still sharp, the pain still fresh, it would be the wrong answer, the greater good eclipsed by present enmity—
Time.
It would take time, for the others to catch up to us. Aximili-and-Perdão had run too far ahead, been too caught up in the obviousness of their own cooperation, too quick to forget the blood and ash behind us.
Although—
‹All right, then,› we said, changing direction. ‹Leave the humans out of it. Tell us that you are not satisfied, Edriss five-six-two of the Sulp Niar pool. Tell us that you aren’t loving this—riding atop four different bodies at once, seeing through four sets of eyes, moving four sets of hands in four different places. Tell us that this is not worth it, hatred or no hatred, control or no control. Tell us that this is not the way forward for your people—for our people—that this is not everything the Yeerks have ever dreamt of, and more.›
She fixed us with a hard look. “And if I did?” she asked pointedly. “If I were to tell you that there is more to life than mere experience? That there are some of us who aren’t content to live out our lives as ghosts, as passengers?”
She gestured toward the other bodies in the cradle. “What did each of them do, to earn a kingdom of their own? What compromises did each of them have to strike, to have eyes that point where they will, and limbs that do what they want? Why are we the only ones who must be satisfied with a lack of control?”
She leaned forward again. “You have forgotten that you are just a single facet of Terra, Perdão. That Terra is but a fraction of Telor. That Telor is just one among hundreds of coalescions. Who are you to say that your wants, your desires, are more true to our kind? Simply because they are more convenient for those you wish to make your allies? Who are you to speak on our behalf?”
The words fell like blows, and we could feel ourselves wanting to retreat, to think. But the others were listening, and this, too, was a question whose answer would echo in time—
‹Then we ask the Arn to design you a body,› we said. ‹Or we repurpose Seerow’s technology. Or we find nonsapient species that don’t mind infestation. There are thirteen other answers besides war.›
Edriss snorted. “Of course there are,” she said. “Why do you think Esplin is trying so hard to take them all off the table?”
* * *
‹Done,› we reported. ‹All unconscious.›
‹The Hork-Bajir, too?›
‹Yes.›
(Add to the list of suspicious coincidences: naively, one would expect human and Hork-Bajir physiologies to have vastly dissimilar tolerances for the stresses of high acceleration, and that what was sufficient to disable one would be ineffective—)
((Or lethal.))
(—to the other. Yet all eight occupants had ceased moving at approximately the same time, and none were showing any sign of serious injury, according to the ship’s internal monitoring systems.)
‹All right. Phase two.›
I sent a mental command, and with a gentle hiss, the door of the cradle slid open, atmospheric pressure equalizing between the two vessels. There was a flutter of wings, and a pair of birds shot through the gap and into the Bug fighter.
‹No booby traps yet . No problems so far.›
‹Two—five—six—okay, we’ve got eyes on all eight of them.›
‹Garrett, you in position?›
‹Roger.›
‹Helium, anything headed our way?›
‹No, Prince Jake.›
‹Tracker?›
‹Disabled.›
‹All right. Marco, we’re on our way.›
With a squeak, the bat winged its way across the gap. Releasing the primary motivators, we straightened, and turned, stepping out through the hatch and across the solid, invisible floor of the force-field coupling, pausing for only the briefest of moments to take in the deep blue of the upper atmosphere and the wide, empty ocean below. Entering the hovering Bug fighter, we sent one last command to the cradle, which slid in close and attached itself to the hull with a heavy clang, vanishing behind its cloak.
‹Uh, shit. Or, uh, maybe whatever is the opposite of shit.›
‹What?›
We stepped over an unconscious body as we passed through the main chamber and into the narrow corridor that led to the bridge.
‹We’ve got Tyagi here.›
‹What?›
‹The copilot. It’s Tyagi. Or—Christ—it’s a Tyagi, anyway. And don’t fucking ask if I’m sure, I hate that shit.›
‹Is she alive?›
‹Well, she’s breathing.›
There were two more bodies slumped at the threshold, and we nudged them aside as we stepped out into the open space.
There were three large chairs welded into the primary, secondary, and tertiary positions—metal chairs with no padding, sturdy enough to serve for Hork-Bajir. One of them was empty. One held the unconscious body of an adult male human. Marco’s osprey morph was perched atop the third, looking down at the uniformed body of the female human President.
(The former human President.)
‹Helium, you’re still linked to the cradle, right? Picking up any other cloaked ships?›
‹Yes, and no,› we answered. ‹There is another fighter whose course has changed to intercept, but it will be seven minutes before it is in range.›
‹Okay. Get us out of here. I’ll be there in a minute, I just want to stay on these guys until Garrett’s had a chance to remorph.›
Swiftly, we returned control to the bridge—added a reciprocal tractor link to reinforce the cradle’s grip on the hull—reestablished the fighter’s cloaking field—reactivated the inertial compensators—and sent the vessel rocketing straight upwards, picking up speed as the air around us grew thinner.
Three minutes later, a gorilla appeared, and dragged away the man in the primary seat, as well as the two unconscious figures in the corridor.
Two minutes after that, and both Prince Jake and Marco—we were not sure whether it was the Marco carrying Visser One or not, but it seemed wise to assume so—were standing beside us on the bridge. Marco bent down and took Tyagi’s hand gently, holding it for a moment as he acquired her pattern, then swiftly and thoroughly searched the pockets of her uniform, removing a pair of weapons, a phone, and several other small objects.
“No cyanide pills,” he muttered. “Amateurs.”
“Helium, can you seal the door?” Prince Jake asked.
‹Yes.›
“And the computer. Is it—will it be enough?”
‹Yes. As we expected, it has sufficient processing and projection power to handle other ships at a distance. As many as fourteen at once, if they are unprepared.›
“Unprepared?”
‹Once it becomes clear that there is some outside force interfering with communication and control, standard procedure dictates a full-spectrum jam. All frequencies will be filled with noise. At that point, we will have to be in close proximity to punch a signal through, although we will be able to retain control of any ships we have already seized via thought link.›
“How soon will it become clear?”
‹Given how long it took to run through the protocol with this ship—we will get our first shot. A second, most likely. A third—perhaps. No more.›
“So forty-two ships?” asked Marco.
‹At most.›
“Can you handle that many?” asked Jake.
‹Not at once. We will have to prepare a set of commands—leave the ships in a holding pattern, or send them somewhere to wait.›
“And you said it would take—what—ten minutes for them to disable the computer manually? That still seem true?”
‹Yes. That part has not changed.›
We twisted one stalk around to look at the unconscious Tyagi, then turned it back to face the two boys.
‹What does this mean?› we asked.
They exchanged a look.
“We don’t know,” said Prince Jake. “We’ll have to see what she says when she wakes up.”
“Speaking of which,” said Marco, nodding.
Tyagi was stirring, her eyes still closed.
‹Helium.›
We suppressed the flinch. ‹Prince Jake?›
We hadn’t thought there had been time to put on morph armor. He must have been morphing the whole time—four transformations in a row—bat to human to gorilla to human to morph armor—maintaining focus as he walked and talked—
‹How sure are you that there aren’t any signals leaving the ship? That we’re not being recorded?›
We extended our mind through the computers of both vessels, cross-referencing the information that came back—
‹Very. Though we cannot rule out passive recording devices timed to transmit in bursts.›
In the chair, Tyagi raised a hand to her forehead—winced—groaned—sat up.
The eyes opened, and focused.
“Madam President,” said Prince Jake. “If you have some kind of—uh—self-destruct—a poison tooth or whatever—please don’t activate it just yet.”
(He did not mention that we had already scanned the ship for explosives, and that there were currently no commands she could pass to the onboard computer without us detecting and countermanding them.)
The eyes narrowed.
“We’re sorry for hijacking your ship, but we need it. We’re currently on a mission to destroy the incoming Yeerk fleet before Visser Three can co-opt it, which we’re pretty sure he can do.”
The eyes shifted—to Marco, to ourself, and back to Prince Jake.
“There isn’t much time, but we can prove who we are, if that helps—can you morph?”
No reaction.
“All right, well, if you can’t morph, we have the cube, so I guess you could confirm in an hour or two, once the tech’s had a chance to compile or whatever.”
Still no reaction. Prince Jake sighed.
“Madam President, I know you’re probably tired of us by now, and I get that maybe you’re not talking to avoid getting snookered by a Visser Three ruse or whatever. But honestly, we did try to ask first. It’s not our fault the last four ships we tried to signal all shot first and asked questions never.”
Beside him, Marco was slowly turning into a woman.
“That’s right—we’ve already acquired you, which means in about two minutes we’re going to know everything you know. So all you’re really doing is slowing things d—”
“Where’s the rest of my crew?” she interrupted, her voice hard.
“Being guarded out in the main hold,” Prince Jake answered. “They’re alive, of course.”
“Prove it.”
Prince Jake’s head turned, and he nodded to us.
‹Garrett,› we said, spreading the beam of thought wide. ‹This is Helium. Are any of the other prisoners awake yet?›
There was a long pause.
‹Garrett?›
‹Garrett here. That’s why you’re supposed to say over. And yes, over.›
‹Bring one of them to the bridge door. Have them knock, and shout, over.›
Another pause.
Clang. Clang.
A muffled voice. “Madam President? This is Lockerman, are you—”
The voice cut off.
“Satisfied?” Prince Jake asked.
Tyagi’s eyes were no longer narrow, but they remained cold and suspicious. “No,” she said. “Since you easily could have had one of your confederates morph—”
“Yeah, you’re right, it was a dumb test. Sorry for passing it, I guess?”
Slight, the edge of sharpness in his voice. Tyagi’s knuckles whitened as she tightened her grip on the chair’s metal hand rests.
“Where are you taking us?” she asked.
(We had blanked out the viewscreen, of course.)
“Space.”
A quick twitch of facial muscles, as of barely suppressed anger.
“Look,” Prince Jake said. “The dick factor of this conversation is entirely up to you. We’ve got a plan B, and it didn’t have a contingency for ‘the former president happens to be on board this random-ass Bug fighter,’ so if you want, we can just ignore you completely and put you back in the hold with the rest of them—”
“Or put her inside someone’s morph where she can’t pull an Air Force One,” Marco cut in, his transformation complete.
(In the back of our mind, a reflex cried Abomination! and was heeded by no one.)
“Or that,” Prince Jake agreed. “But if there’s a plan A going on, we sure would love to know about it, and you might consider the fact that maybe we can help.”
Tyagi’s head tilted. “How did you take control of this ship?” she asked.
“Superior Andalite technology,” Prince Jake answered smoothly. “You may recall that H—that Aximili here once built an interstellar communicator out of a bunch of spare parts you had just lying around.”
Tyagi’s lips twitched. “I also recall that he failed his qualification exam in electromechanical engineering. Something about a female cadet with distractingly attractive ears?”
In some distant, alternate timeline, an older, younger version of Aximili wilted with embarrassment. ‹She acquired our pattern, remember,› we reminded our war-prince.
“Guess it’ll just have to be our secret, then,” he said, unruffled. “Unless this is going to be a back-and-forth, in which case I’m pretty sure it’s our turn to ask a question or two.”
Tyagi said nothing. Meanwhile, our own thoughts continued to churn beneath the surface as we guided the cloaked fighter up and out of the atmosphere—
‹Marco,› we murmured, keeping the beam of our thoughts tight and narrow.
Marco, of course, did not flinch.
‹That you, He-Man?›
‹Yes. Something isn’t right.›
‹How’s about I skip over the joke about how several things aren’t right, and just ask you what you mean.›
‹Tyagi, here, on this ship.›
‹Wh—oh. Right. Yeah, okay.›
We twisted one stalk eye to look at him, keeping the other focused on the real Tyagi.
(Or the real clone, anyway.)
((Heresy!))
‹Hang on, I’m going to dig for a bit, see what she knows.›
We turned our attention back—
“Why should I negotiate with you?” Tyagi was saying. “Even if you are who you say you are—your little band of terrorists has been responsible for at least six disasters so far, by my count.”
(An entirely automatic subroutine began trying to fill out the list—there was Ventura, and Edwards Air Force Base, and the day we’d tried to take the Visser—was she counting Jeremiah Poznanski? The fighter crash in Washington? Marco’s broadcast?)
Prince Jake sighed again. “Have it your way,” he said. “We’ll have to settle for total access to all of your memories, I guess.”
“Yes, everything except the last twenty-four hours or so, in which I’m sure absolutely nothing of interest took place.”
Prince Jake’s expression darkened.
“Which you’re saying just to piss us off?” he asked, his tone rising. “Or is there some hoop you’d like us to jump through, to turn this into an actual conversation? Because it’d be a lot easier if you just told us what you want.”
“Command of my ship back.”
“Not until we know that’s better than plan B. Which, don’t forget, we told you about up front, as a freebie.”
“I’ve got some detail on that, by the way,” Marco cut in. “I’m still digging, but. If now’s the right time for it. And if Miss Presidentress doesn’t want to tell it herself.”
Tyagi rolled her eyes in the human gesture for disgust/disparagement. Prince Jake gave a silent nod.
“All right, well. For starters, there are at least seven Tyagis now. They were recruiting volunteers from Tobias’s auxiliaries—there’s one on each surviving OG Bug fighter and one running things out of an Air Force base in Greenland.”
Marco’s voice—
(Tyagi’s voice.)
—was flat, toneless, his eyes unfocused as he dredged up memory and converted it into speech.
Prince Jake turned to look the real Tyagi in the eye. She stared back, unblinking.
“In case Visser Three tried anything?” Prince Jake wondered. “Or in case the Animorphs reached out?”
Tyagi scoffed. “You’re hardly that high on our radar—”
“Yeah, Jake, remember? We’ve only been responsible for six disasters so far.”
“—with communications compromised, it was one way to make sure that every fighter had someone on board who could make judgment calls. Since every fighter is also a doomsday device, after all.”
Marco’s brow furrowed. “The new Bug fighters are doomsday devices, too,” he said slowly. “But you and your clones are only on the old ones. The alien-made ones. Why?”
(We felt a note of disquiet. Was Marco asking because he didn’t know? Was the answer not present in her memories? And if so, what else was missing?)
“You and your crew came after one of the old ones,” Tyagi shot back. “Why?”
There was a silence.
“Marco,” said Prince Jake, his eyes still unwavering. “What else?”
“Okay, the main thing is—that ark project, the one that Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome kept going on about—it’s real. But it’s—it looks like—okay, sorry, this is giga-whack—a while back, a bunch of governments started quietly circulating plans for this thing. It’s like—it’s just a box, basically, an airtight box—no power, no food, no—no air circulation, even. No shields. Just a cone-shaped room and a place to plug in a repulsorlift. They made it as simple as they could, so—”
“So everyone could make one,” Prince Jake finished grimly.
“The plan is—was—to get them all into orbit—have them rendezvous—they’ve got a couple of big hyperdrives that are supposed to hold them all together—Helium, is this even possible?”
We were running the numbers in our head, estimating the variables as quickly as we could—
‹Yes,› we said. ‹It’s possible. Entry into Z-space happens via a simultaneous phase-shift, so there aren’t any acceleration forces to deal with. The—gate, you might call it—we talk about ‘entering’ Z-space, but technically the gate itself wraps around the ship. If you can construct an envelope large enough—it would be no different from a single hyperdrive powering a pool ship or a dome ship—›
We turned away from the controls, fixed the human female with all four eyes. ‹But the rift,› we said, the outrage creeping into our tone. ‹Without food—without oxygen—any journey will take months—›
“Not if you travel through Visser Three’s little back door,” Marco said grimly. “They cut deals. Two deals. One with the Andalites, one with the Yeerks. Pickup—and asylum—in exchange for telling them how to get in and out of the system.”
There was another silence, this one heavy with shock—
(And outrage.)
“You told them—”
“Not yet,” Marco said, shaking his head. “They’ll give up the vector once they’re safely outside.”
“Safely?” Prince Jake exploded. “The Yeerks started this war, and the Andalites—”
“Visser Three is an existential threat,” Tyagi bit out. “To all three species. It’s my job to save humanity. If we can guarantee the survival of three hundred thousand humans—”
“Don’t you mean two hundred thousand, Madam President?” said Marco. “Or were you not going to mention that yesterday’s attack took out three hundred million people, along with a third of the known escape pods?”
The number—it was not a surprise, exactly, but still it carried weight, seemed to land with physical impact.
Three hundred million.
More than seven-to-the-seven, multiplied by seven and then seven and then seven again. One in every twenty-six humans. One human for every three living Andalites. And that was likely just the direct result of the explosions—not counting deaths from radiation, and famine, and from the disruption of basic infrastructure—
(And then, once the survivors were weakened and desperate, and would welcome rescue from any quarter, at any price—)
((It was true—Perdão knew, because Terra knew, because it had learned from Telor—there was a curious fault in the human psychology—if ever a human willingly submitted to infestation—even just once—somehow, for some reason, it was ever after easier for a shard to control them, to undercut and overwhelm any possible resistance. Once the human knew that it was their fault, that they had chosen this—))
“Exactly!” Tyagi shouted, breaking the chain of our thoughts. “Exactly. If we can save any fraction of—no. No, you know what? No. I am not explaining myself to a pack of teenagers, especially not since, if I heard you right, you were just on your merry way to go murder ten million Yeerks yourself.”
“Ten million enemy combatants—”
“We have a peace treaty!”
“We didn’t know that!”
“And you were going to go casually commit a war crime anyway!”
“CASUALLY?” Prince Jake thundered, and for a moment even Tyagi seemed cowed by it, by the force behind it, the look of threat and fury that passed over the young human’s eyes before he smoothed his features back to something resembling—
(But only resembling.)
—calm.
When our war-prince spoke again, his voice was deadly quiet, the whisper of a tail blade cutting through empty air on its way toward your chest.
“You have no idea what we’ve been through, Madam President,” he said. “In the absolutely literal sense. You don’t know. You couldn’t imagine. You think—you think you understand the stakes of this war? You think we don’t? You think—”
He broke off again, his voice having risen, and started over once more.
“This is us being—whatever is the opposite of casual. This is us trying everything we can to avoid doing the only thing we were able to come up with. After, I might add, we almost got shot down out of the sky for asking for help, your people tried to kill us and we’re still here trying to make sure we don’t mess with anything important. So if you have some suggestion for us, if there’s some thing we can do that doesn’t end with everybody dying—”
He broke off a third time, his face red, his chest rising and falling with the deep, steady, inexorable motion of a bellows. Tyagi said nothing, her expression closed and unreadable.
(And we could not help but note—in the part of us that had no particular empathy for our war-prince—the part of us that was aloof, detached, coldly calculating—we could not help but note that the sheer strength of his response seemed to belie its content. That given what we knew of humans—through our observations as Aximili, our experiences as Perdão, even the scattered memories of the ghost of Tom Berenson—they rarely rose so quickly to anger unless they knew, on some level, that the criticism they were defending against was at least somewhat apt.)
“Marco,” Prince Jake said, his voice clipped.
“Aye, sir.”
“What else has this responsible adult been up to, while we were off being all casual?”
Marco looked back, and forth, and back again.
“They’ve been on a four-pronged approach to the whole situation,” he said. “Like, four major initiatives. One, get people off the planet—we covered that one. Two, establish deterrence. Three, establish diplomacy. Four, tech development and deployment.”
Prince Jake’s eyes remained locked on Tyagi’s. “Two and four,” he said.
“Uh, two—deterrence—looks like they have a team setting up some hyperdrive rocks outside the rift. They know where the Yeerk and Andalite homeworlds are—”
(We flinched, inwardly.)
“—not sure if they mentioned that in their peace talks or not. As for four—”
Marco frowned, his own eyes distant once more. “Okay, first—there’s a secondary communication network that Visser Three didn’t know about—or at least, he didn’t fuck with it. Came online right after he killed the phones and internet, doesn’t depend on satellites. Looks like—looks like Germany’s maintaining it? So the major governments have been in touch with each other, at least. Besides that—it looks like—okay, the reason they ended up doing the escape pod thing—Jesus, are you kidding me—”
He paused, shaking his head. “Okay, so, the reason they designed the pods with repulsorlifts only, rather than their own shields and hyperdrives—they started repurposing about twelve different high-tech assembly lines and then found out it’s hard. Go figure. They left two of those places on the original tech, and swapped everything else over to R&D. Short version is, they made about forty full-scale hyperdrives in total, and the rest of them were cranking out weaponized versions instead.”
“Weaponized? Like the rock thing?”
“No. They took Suoros’s tech and beefed it up, figured out how to make, like, a two-part system. There’s an accelerator that can push whatever you want into Z-space, and a completely separate device, on the object itself, that drops it back out. It’s—it’s just an extremely fast, extremely expensive bullet.”
“So instead of building more escape pods, they spent their time making—”
His jaw clicked shut. He closed his eyes, rubbing at his forehead. “Helium.”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Would that get past a ship’s shields?”
So that we don’t have to smash the ships into each other, so that we can focus on other potential uses for Edriss’s backdoor—
‹It’s less that it would get past it, and more that it would overwhelm it. An impact with an object of non-negligible mass, moving at near-lightspeed—this is why ships travel through Z-space in the first place, rather than simply using the dimensional shift as a cheap way to accelerate in normal space—›
“So it works?”
‹If it functions as described—if it can in fact be accurately targeted—yes, it would destroy a starship. Shields would be irrelevant.›
His eyes opened again, and he looked back and forth between us and Marco, seeming to relegate Tyagi to the background.
“I want to hear from Perdão and Edriss,” he said. “First: what are the chances Visser Three missed any of this.”
“Zero,” said Marco, without the slightest hesitation. “Three hundred thousand escape pods? Built on open-source plans all around the globe? No way he’d miss that. I’m honestly impressed they kept us from hearing about it, and we were way the hell out in—”
Prince Jake made a chopping motion with one hand, and Marco’s mouth snapped shut.
“What’s he going to do?” he asked.
‹Wait,› we interrupted. ‹What are the pods going to do? When is the launch time? What is the actual rendezvous point? How long will it take for them to assemble into a shape the envelope can handle, and where is the envelope itself?›
“So, this is where it gets tricky, actually,” said Marco. “Like, how would you pull all this together so that Visser Three couldn’t fuck with it?”
There was a long pause.
‹No one knows the coordinates of the rendezvous point until the last possible moment,› we suggested. ‹And then—no, wait—that still leaves the problem of—›
We trailed off.
It would be fairly easy to transmit a location at the last minute. It would even be fairly easy to ensure that no one except those in possession of a copy of the plans could understand the transmission—to provide a key for decoding a later message.
But that would still mean that the Visser would be in the loop, if he could get his hands on a copy of the plans—or if he could get even one agent into even one of the pod-groups—
“So apparently,” Marco said, “the plan was to arrange a distraction. They were coordinating with Telor and the YEM, and they were going to launch right after Telor faked its suicide—”
“What?”
“Rrrrrright, backing up—sorry, I’m pulling all this out in real-time.”
(It occurred to us to wonder how it felt, to be Tyagi—to be watching as another being pawed through your memories without your consent, spoke them with your own voice. To wonder whether Tyagi felt any differently from how we had felt, watching our war-prince do the same to us.)
“Uh. Okay. So, one of Tobias’s irregulars was a Telor Controller—a Telor collaborator, apparently he volunteered for infestation after Tobias powered him up—”
“He told us about that, didn’t he? Ryan something? The guy in Brazil?”
“Yeah. He made it out. And—well—remember when we tried morphing a Yeerk and it didn’t go well?”
“Yes.”
“Well. Remember my theory? How an individual Yeerk is like a finger, and the tech does its best but is kind of making it up if it doesn’t have a complete original to scan? Apparently they actually tried it—morphing from just DNA, I mean, like a severed finger—sorry—and they got this kind of wild feral monster thing that was sort of human but definitely not definitely human—”
‹And so they sent the collaborator to acquire the entire Telor coalescion?› we said, feeling a sudden uptick in our heartsrate.
“That was the idea.”
“Was?” asked Prince Jake.
“We never got to test it,” Tyagi said, speaking up for the first time since Prince Jake’s outburst. “Telor blew itself up early. We don’t know why.”
‹Did the human with Telor’s pattern escape?› we asked, the urgency obvious in our tone.
(Urgency from Aximili as well as Perdão, which sparked in us both curiosity and something like warmth and pride.)
The human female smiled a thin, humorless smile. “Seems like the sort of thing I might have made sure not to find out about, in case some hostile person came by and tried to swipe my memories without consent.”
“Anyway,” Marco said hastily, before Prince Jake could speak. “The situation is basically: everybody was supposed to launch approximately now, but also there was supposed to be cover in the form of Telor’s distraction, but also Visser Three killed the internet and all the satellites before the conspiracy got its shit together and told everyone not to launch, so—so we don’t know what’s going to happen. Probably some people will launch and some won’t, and nobody has anywhere to go, and no one has any way to tell them where to go, and each pod will have about twenty hours’ worth of oxygen if they followed all the directions right, and nobody tried anything stupid like packing in every one of their friends and family—”
We felt a sinking feeling and extended our mind through the Bug fighter’s sensors, closing down the filters that had been blocking out everything except known threats and nearby objects. A wash of data filled our mind, supplemented by the information from the cradle—was quickly sorted and categorized—
‹We can detect roughly seven hundred launches from our current position,› we announced. ‹If there are similar numbers distributed across the planet’s major population centers—perhaps two thousand launches so far, all since we arrived in position to intercept the Bug fighter. The ones we see are accelerating upward at roughly one local gravity—›
“Where are they going?”
The sinking feeling deepened, became something like nausea. ‹Up,› we said. ‹Just up. Some of the furthest out have begun to slow. None have yet exceeded geosynchronous orbit.›
“That’s what—a few thousand miles?”
We performed a quick calculation, converting units—
‹Twenty-two thousand, two hundred and thirty-six.›
“And they’re going in all directions?”
‹There are clusters. But yes. There have been an additional—thirty-one visible launches in the past few moments. Two from South America, four from Africa, nine from Europe, sixteen from North America. We cannot see Australia and east Asia. If all of the ships proceed approximately straight upward from their launch points, they will all end up many thousands of miles distant from each other.›
One of the sensor clouds flared, then another—two spreading cones of impact debris, as from a collision with an orbiting object—space dust traveling at eighteen thousand miles per second.
An unshielded metal box, traveling upward through the atmosphere without detection/avoidance systems—
The humans on board were almost certainly already dead, and utterly beyond rescue if not.
We chose not to mention the fact.
“Where is the entrance to Visser Three’s secret tunnel thing?” Prince Jake asked.
‹We—we cannot remember.›
We had seen the data—we had seen the data, on Thàn Suoros’s Marauder’s Map, but it had been for such a brief moment, and we had not considered the possibility that we might lose everything in the Visser’s counterattack, had not—at the time—bothered to carefully memorize it, or send a copy of the information up into the cradle. We had a desperate, hopeful sense that we might somehow be able to reconstruct it, might recognize it if we saw it again, but—
‹We are sorry, Prince Jake.›
“Madam President.”
She gave a cold chuckle. “I don’t know, either. Nor do any of my crew.”
‹Garrett. Morph check on all of them.›
‹Garrett here. What do you think we’ve been doing out here, playing go fish? Over.›
“Marco. Can you tap into that comm system, get in touch with—”
“Nope. They change the codes every six hours, you need the old code to get the new one.”
A closed expression fell over our war-prince’s face, as if he were suddenly thinking very, very hard.
“Oh, also, side note,” Marco said, his eyes flickering briefly toward Tyagi. “One of the—others—thinks he might know where one of those pods is located. He’s investigating now. There was, uh, another other that mentioned something kind of cryptic back on the hillside that might’ve been this. Doing a morph check to find out.”
Prince Jake nodded tightly. “Helium,” he said. “Get us close to one of the pods. Close enough that we can, I don’t know, scan it, or whatever. Maybe tractor beam it or board it if we have to.”
‹Roger.›
He turned back to face Tyagi, opened his mouth, then paused.
‹Helium,› he said, in private thought-speak.
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹Can you tell if the Yeerk fleet has arrived yet? Like, can the Bug fighter’s sensors pick up ships that far out?›
‹No, Prince Jake.›
‹How long would it take us to swing out there and back? Like, to get to a position where we could see?›
‹Twenty hours or more, under normal power. Less, with a jump, but in-system jumps are difficult, and we might need more than one. Still at least four hours in total, to go and return. And that’s assuming that Europa is in fact still their entry point into the system. To do a proper scan of the entire heliosphere—days. A week, perhaps.›
Prince Jake did not nod. He made no acknowledgement at all, simply reopened his mouth.
“Madam President,” he said. “I believe what I’m hearing you say is that you have no plan to stop Visser Three. That the government has no plan to stop Visser Three. If I’m wrong about this, please consider this your last chance to tell us otherwise.”
Tyagi said nothing.
(Again, the note of disquiet, the sense of something askew—)
“Marco. Demorph.”
“Aye, sir.”
‹Helium.›
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
‹Something’s not right.›
‹Agreed.›
‹We need to know what she’s not telling us. And we need to get in contact with the main resistance.›
‹Agreed.›
‹I’ve got an idea, but you’re not going to like it.›
We felt a wash of unease.
‹Is Perdão willing to enter this human? For the purpose of gathering information only?›
There was a shock like a splash of cold water across our hooves.
‹Against her—›
‹Against her will, yeah.›
There was a space into which our war-prince might have put words—arguments—explanation. But instead, he merely waited—trusting, we assumed, that we would understand all of the angles without help.
‹Prince Jake,› we said slowly, fighting down a sudden and disturbing mix of impulses—
(Unforgivable! shouted the echo of Aximili’s upbringing.)
((Spread, whispered the ghost of Perdão’s ancestors, as Perdão herself looked on in dismay. Feed.))
(((Like the wind in thought and deed.)))
‹—are we correct in believing that we have no plan?›
Tyagi—
(The Tyagi clone.)
((The Tyagi clone who had been put on this Bug fighter on purpose.))
—continued to stare straight ahead, her face impassive.
‹That’s right,› our war-prince answered. ‹But we have a goal.›
We waited, but he said nothing more as Marco’s body emerged from Tyagi’s, as we maneuvered the Bug fighter alongside one of the escaping pods and matched our velocity to it.
“Here’s what’s happening now, Madam President,” Prince Jake said—
(And this time his voice was hard and unyielding, every bit the war-prince, like old Nerefir-Galuit-Haleup from the Galaxy Tree.)
“—Marco is going to take you inside of his morph for a little while. And when we’re ready for you, we’ll bring you back out.”
Tyagi’s eyes widened, and her skin grew paler, but she said nothing, did not resist, as Marco knelt beside her chair and laid a hand on her arm.
“Uh,” he said. “Which morph, exactly?”
Prince Jake’s head tilted. “Let’s say…Tyagi again.”
Ninety seconds later, it was done.
“Helium?”
‹We would like to share our thoughts with you in detail, Prince Jake, and then ask you to make the decision.›
He blinked, then nodded slowly.
“What’s going on?” Marco asked.
“We need to get access to Tyagi’s memories,” Prince Jake said. “The ones you can’t see, from the last twenty-four hours.”
(“Need.”)
“And—”
‹Prince Jake has requested that Perdão go in and get them.›
“…ah.”
“Does she have earplugs, by the way?”
“No.”
‹This is part of what concerns us, actually,› we cut in. ‹We know that the human government has been manuf—well, that they have the capacity to have been manufacturing earplugs. And yet this Tyagi has none. Also, she is here, largely undefended, aboard one of the obvious targets for infiltration or attack, but Marco was unable to access any memory explaining why. Additionally, this Bug fighter, with said incredibly valuable hostage on board, was not outfitted with any meaningful self-destruct device, nor did Tyagi herself have means for committing suicide—›
“Your point being that all of this smells like a setup.”
‹Yes.›
“I don’t disagree.”
We felt—
‹We are confused.›
“It’s an escape room. A locked-room puzzle. She was just uncooperative enough to keep us going. Well, I want to get to the next room over, and the key’s in her memories.”
‹But if it’s all a deception—if she wants you to do that—›
“It’s not a deception for us,” our war-prince asserted. “We don’t rate this level of effort—I’m pretty sure she was being honest about that part. This is a trap for Visser Three, and I want to know what it is.”
We struggled to find the words.
‹Just because the trap is not built for us doesn’t mean it will fail to ensnare us—›
“We need intel. That means at least plugging in to the major government network, even if they’ve got some kind of tricksy voicemail waiting for us.”
‹Is this your—your—›
“Is this your little black box talking?” Marco asked.
Prince Jake grimaced. “No,” he admitted. “But we do need the intel—”
Do we, though?
“—how else are we going to get it?”
“We could steal another Bug fighter,” suggested Marco.
“Yeah, and talk to another copy of Tyagi who’ll feed us the exact same line of bull crap.”
“I mean, yeah. Right? We could find out if there is another Tyagi clone waiting to feed us the exact same line of bull crap, at least. That’s something.”
“We don’t have time. You’re Visser Three. You dropped a ton of nukes a few days ago, and now a few hundred thousand ships launch off the surface of the planet, and you do nothing? We need to move.”
‹But—Prince Jake—›
Again the struggle to find the words, to make coherent the cloud of alarm and confusion that was filling our thoughts.
‹—consider that any information we extract from this—clone—may be specifically curated to cause us to reach wrong conclusions, and take wrong actions.›
Prince Jake shrugged. “Considered. Whatever we get out of her, we use together. Everybody gets to say their piece, including ‘we should pretend like we never heard this.’ Deal?”
Our unease deepened. ‹It isn’t—that’s not what—›
There are some things you cannot successfully unhear.
We could not find the lever—the argument that would produce, in our war-prince, a sufficient level of caution.
“Helium. No time. Is Perdão willing to do this? You can say no, but we need to decide soon.”
Willing.
Eyes that point where they will, and limbs that do what they want.
Those were the words that Edriss had hurled at us, and as we twisted one stalk to point at Marco, we could see that he was remembering them as well.
“Uh, Jake? Buddy? You’re being kind of—”
‹Uncharacteristically dickish.›
“Maybe not my first choice of words, but good job expanding your vocabulary—”
‹There is something about this that frightens us,› we said. ‹We apologize. We will be as brief as we can. But we must be heard. May we—do we have your permission? Prince Jake?›
You don’t need my permission, he had said, once. Or—well—you always have it.
Mere days ago, but it felt like a lifetime.
He sighed. “Yeah. Go ahead.”
‹Perdão is—we are—uncertain of the impact that this action will have on us. On our—psychology.›
“Us as in Helium?” Marco asked. “Or us as in us?”
‹Both,› we said. ‹Perdão—there are deep drives within the Yeerk psychology. Embedded in their very physiology. Like—like the human sex drive, we suppose, or the Taxxon hunger. We were—startled—by how quickly those drives reemerged, as soon as you suggested the possibility.›
“Are you saying Perdão might—turn?” Prince Jake asked, his voice level. “Like an addict relapsing?”
‹No. That’s not—more that—there is value in simple boundaries. Clear bright lines. Things which one does not do, even in the service of greater goods—›
One does not murder healthy children to distribute their organs among the sick. One does not execute enemies who have surrendered.
It wasn’t only that we were having trouble finding the words. Our thoughts themselves were confused, as we found ourselves wanting a thing which we knew, on some level, we were not supposed to do. Which we supposed, ourselves, should not be done.
‹Is this not the reason for your resistance?› we pleaded. ‹Is this not the very violation which has given you moral license to fight back?›
“No,” Marco answered—immediately, without hesitation. “It isn’t. Like, I get what you’re saying, Helium, but—five minutes of infestation, for a specific purpose, versus deliberately taking someone’s whole life away from them forever—the scale absolutely matters, here.”
‹But then where is the actual line?› we asked. ‹It—Prince Jake, a part of our hesitation here—we apologize, it’s difficult to find the words—we find ourselves to be very much okay with this. Unexpectedly so. Strangely comfortable, in a way we would not have predicted. Do you see? We—we would have expected this to be a harder decision, and—we are frightened by how quickly it is being made. By how much sense it makes. And if this line is crossed so easily—›
A strange look flickered across our war-prince’s face—something soft, and scared, and vulnerable—
(And young.)
—visible for only a moment before his jaw tightened, before the softness vanished and was replaced by grim resolve.
“I get it,” he said flatly. “I get it, and still. Two hundred thousand human lives, with a ticking clock. Not to mention the other sev—the other six and a half billion. I get what you’re saying, but this just doesn’t stack up. Last chance to say no.”
‹Prince Jake—›
“You can say no, Helium. You, or Perdão alone, or Aximili. This order—I’m ordering you to do this only if you are willing to. I mean that.”
We said nothing. We didn’t know what to say. There were too many things, and everything we had already tried had been parried, deflected—we wanted to ask our war-prince to engage with us, to look for the truth with us, but he would only answer that there was no time—and there was no time—
“Helium.”
And as the pressure mounted, we felt some part of us lurch—some deep, mental shift of unknown kind, but we felt it—as if some dislocated joint had popped back into place—
‹We—›
We felt the words emerging from a newly familiar place—the same place we’d spoken from, hours earlier, when we had threatened to send both ourselves and our war-prince into the fire.
‹We will do this ourself, then,› we said. ‹If we are going to agree to carry out this order, then we will hold her down ourself—›
We—we owe her that much?
It was a confused thought, a mismatch of currencies—some part of ourself trying to pay for what the rest of us was about to do—
(As if it worked that way.)
“No,” said our war-prince. “If we’re doing this, we’re all doing it—which I guess means Marco gets a veto, too—”
* * *
“We’re sorry, Madam President,” the boy said abruptly, and suddenly the three of them—shifted, somehow—seemed to stop being three separate individuals and became a phalanx, standing shoulder to shoulder, one single looming threat. “But you didn’t really leave us any other way.”
He stepped forward—
—young, he was so young, not even fifteen, his face still smooth, but he would have been taller than me even if I hadn’t been sitting, and his arms were already muscled and wiry—
—he grabbed my right shoulder, hard enough to hurt—the other boy, Marco, reached for my left—
I began to lurch, to fight back, but the alien’s tail whipped forward—the blade flashing in my field of vision—not toward my throat, not toward my chest, not anywhere actually near me, but the threat was obvious, and clear, and I jerked backwards in the chair, my head banging painfully against the cold metal.
I froze.
I don’t like to think of myself as a cowardly person. I’ve stood my ground before. With my parents. At school. During the campaign. I had even put myself in the path of infestation before, when I traveled to the mothership to parlay with Telor.
But with the three of them looming—with the weight of the alien heavy across my lap, as the bulge of his head drew closer to mine—
I froze, and I—disappeared, somehow—as if my soul had leapt out of my body. Dissociated, the whole situation turning dreamy and unreal as the smell of the alien’s fur filled my nostrils. There were hands on either side of my head, and pressure at my ear, and it was like it was all happening to someone else, was not even particularly frightening or violating or bothersome, just oh, look, isn’t that sad—
‹Wait.›
The mass of blue fur twitched backwards. The pressure vanished.
‹We are receiving a signal.›
Close, it was still close—all of them were close enough that I could feel their breath, see the pulse of blood beneath the skin, and still I was a million miles away. Like they were three huge projections on a movie screen, and I was sitting in the very back row of the theater.
‹Coordinates. And—the pods are responding.›
“What?” said the voice of the boy Jake. “Responding how?”
‹They are accelerating. Not all of them, but more and more—turning.›
“Toward—”
‹Toward the location identified in the transmission.›
“Where?”
The hands still held me down, pressed back against the cold metal chair—the tail still casually, menacingly close.
‹It’s the entrance to the Visser’s tunnel.›
“What? How do you know?”
‹We could not remember it outright, but we recognize the coordinates—a position seventy-five thousand kilometers offset from the line of Earth’s orbit—›
“You’re sure?”
‹Yes.›
“Jake, man, what—”
“Helium, how long would it take us to get there? Can we beat the pods there?”
‹Yes. Easily. At one local gravity of acceleration, it will take them—a little over six hours to accelerate to the midway point, and the same amount of time to slow back down to achieve zero velocity at the target position. We can be there in two.›
I was following the words like the plot of a television show—some distant, responsible part of me feeling a flicker of outrage at the unmitigated disaster, the brute institutional incompetence—that Doubleday would have simply broadcast the rendezvous point, that two hundred thousand human beings were now hurtling through space, exposed and unguarded—but still the immediacy of the hands on my shoulders trumped it, the memory of pressure on the side of my face—
“Wait. Twelve hours?”
‹Yes.›
“So not enough time for them to make it back to Earth, if something goes wrong.”
‹The problem is not a lack of oxygen so much as a buildup of waste respiratory by-products—mostly carbon dioxide—which will reach toxic levels well before—›
It was like they had forgotten I existed, like all of us had forgotten I existed—like there were just three of them in the room, and I was nothing more than a ghost, a set of eyes and ears with no body attached—
“What’s Edriss’s take?”
“One sec. First—okay, yeah, we found a pod outside Moscow, still prepping for launch.”
“Other passengers?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem. Give it two minutes.”
“Have him launch. Morph fly or something—something that won’t use up air.”
“Roger. For what it’s worth—after seeing what things look like on the ground—Edriss thinks this is probably real. Like, Hanson’s razor or whatever it’s called. Looks to her like regular everyday stupidity, everyone’s running around crazy because nobody’s in charge—”
“Helium, how many pods are in the air now?”
‹There was a surge in launches after the coordinates were broadcast. We now count one hundred thirty-six thousand, three hundred seventy-three in observable space, with an estimated fifty thousand more obscured by the planet.›
“Marco. If they make it through that tunnel—if the Yeerks and the Andalites both find out how to get in and out of the system—”
“Helium, you said it only takes four hours round trip to Europa if we do jumps instead of going through normal space?”
‹At least four. And we still don’t know whether the fleet has actually arrived—›
“Man, remember when we used to solve problems by punching stuff?”
The part of me that was still aware of my own body suddenly realized that I was laughing—giggling—the sounds bubbling uncontrollably out of my throat like so many hiccups—because I had done this to myself, had chosen to be here—to cut myself off from the critical information channels, to stay in control of the Bug fighters. I was helpless, stuck, able to understand everything that was happening and able to do nothing substantive about it, and it was all on purpose—
“Uh. Madam President?”
“Helium. Finish the—finish it.”
“Wait, Jake—”
“We’ve got ten hours. No last-second wild guesses this time. We’re going to think this one through and figure it out, carefully, and that means we still need those access codes.”
The distant laughter grew louder, because of course I could just tell them the codes, but at this point that wouldn’t stop them, at this point they were going to go through with it no matter what, in their minds they’d already paid the cost, so they might as well go ahead and get the benefits—and that was on purpose, too, I’d goaded them into it, only I hadn’t really realized—like convincing yourself to jump out of an airplane and only noticing you had no parachute when you were halfway down.
The pressure on my shoulders rose again, and once more the blue bulge loomed at the edge of my vision. Once more there was warmth, and pressure—
—something slick, and wet—
—piercing pain—
—the feeling of something that shouldn’t be there, moving inside of me—
—and layered over all of it, a thick, heavy blanket of self-protective numbness.
Just five minutes, some helpful voice whispered. Five minutes, and it will all be over.
* * *
“It’s not just my puny human eyes, right? There’s nothing out there?”
‹It’s not just you.›
There were four of us left on the command deck—ourself, our war-prince, and both Marcos, one of them carrying with him the shard of Edriss that linked him to three other Marcos, and to the long, long history of the Sulp Niar pool, as we carried with us Perdão, and Terra, and Telor.
(And Elfangor.)
((And Tom.))
(((And—)))
We had arrived at the rendezvous point, some five million kilometers from the Earth’s current position, with roughly eight hours remaining before the first of the pods would appear.
“Cradle’s not picking up anything, either?”
‹No.›
The cradle was floating nearby, in deep cloak, to serve as a lifeboat in the narrow swath of possibility in which we were caught in some escapable trap, damaged by some non-lethal blow.
(It was impossible to say who was more likely to have laid such a trap, the humans or the Visser.)
“Okay, so—what, they built the thing elsewhere, and they’re going to flash it in at the last second once all the pods are here?”
“Or it’s inside one of the pods, and they’re haystacking it.”
“Helium, we can’t, like, see through the tunnel, right? To the outside?”
‹No. We don’t know the vector. And this fighter is not outfitted with the equipment necessary to map the local Z-space landscape.›
We were participating in the conversation with the barest fraction of our attention, our back turned to the human boys, all four eyes focused forward.
(Occasionally, we found ourself wishing to see their faces, and used the shipboard surveillance system to watch them through our psychic link with the computer, keeping our stalk eyes still.)
‹Garrett. Jake here. You guys all right?›
‹Garrett here. I am piloting a goddamn spaceship with my goddamn mind. We’re doing goddamn amazing. Goddamn over.›
‹Hey, uh, just checking—Rachel and Ante are okay, too, right?›
‹We’re fine, Jake.›
‹Wait, was that—›
‹This is Ante. Rachel says—Rachel says hi, and—hang on—Rachel says that under no circumstances should Garrett be allowed to drive a car. Over.›
‹Garrett here. It’s a goddamn spaceship, they’re supposed to do barrel rolls, over.›
‹Watch your fuel level,› said Prince Jake. And then, aloud: “Helium, watch their fuel level.”
‹Roger.›
We were still—dizzy was the closest word the translator could offer us—disoriented from the experience of dissolution and reunion, the integration of everything Perdão had done and witnessed during her brief possession of the human clone. She had shared all of it with the rest of ourself, putting forth the extra effort required to play back the memory in detail, transcribing it directly into the Andalite parts of our mind.
It was not quite the same as the ghost of Tom Berenson. Temrash had spent weeks in his head, after all, and Perdão mere minutes with the copy of Tyagi.
But still some shadow of the woman had joined us—some shard of personality and will, as much of a person as could be captured in such a brief embrace.
It was not easy, to carry that within ourselves. To make it a part of ourselves—to see and feel and remember everything that had happened, from within as well as from without.
(We could see the two human boys struggling with it, in their own way—the way their eyes were studiously not avoiding the other’s, their voices carefully casual. The other Marco—the one who had not taken part, who had not been in the room—he was louder, happier, and we could see that he saw it, too. That he knew something had changed, even if he didn’t know what, or why.)
((A part of us wanted to shatter the façade, the polite pretense that everything was fine. Another part of us envied them for being able to pretend at all.))
Never.
Never again.
(((And still there was some part of us—some drunken, primal revenant—that exulted in it, in the sheer power and vibrancy of the experience now stored within us, the sweet burning savor of it. That was larger than it had been, and would make the same trade without hesitation, adopted self-loathing and all.)))
((((And yet another part of us noted, with curious detachment, that all of this was familiar, though Terra had left Perdão with no such memories of her own.))))
Was it worth it? we asked ourselves.
…yes.
In the end, yes.
And yet.
Around and around we went.
“All right. Let’s get started. Marco, go break open the hyperdrive. Magellan, start digging through the supply pack, see if Edriss recognizes anything you don’t. Check in every ten minutes by thought-speak. I’ll stay here with Helium.”
We had left the other humans—and the two Hork-Bajir—on Earth, on the narrow sandy beach of Saint Matthew’s Island, off the coast of Alaska.
It had been Perdão’s idea, drawn from Tyagi’s memories—the humans had been investigating the cache of supplies left there by Visser Three so many weeks prior. A gift, the Visser had claimed.
“Or a Trojan horse,” Marco had said.
“You said they were investigating it?” Prince Jake had asked. “And they found nothing?”
‹Correct.›
No booby traps, no bioweapons, no obvious explosives or reservoirs of unknown material. Just weapons, and multitools—scanners and communicators—various metals and fabrics and other materials—an assortment of data cards with unknown contents.
The humans had been debating whether or not to bring the cache back with them to the central command hub when the bombs had gone off. A helicopter had been sent to move the men to a quarantine, and the supplies had been left on the beach—deemed too risky, under the circumstances.
“We’re taking them,” Prince Jake had asserted, his voice hard as iron.
“Jake—"
“He left them when he was trying to trick us into thinking he was willing to parlay. He knew we’d be suspicious. They’re clean.”
“Unless he knew we’d think that, and he booby-trapped them with something we wouldn’t notice until it was too late—”
“Marco, shut up. You four—Lockerman, Jusino, Lanning, Graves. Get that container up and into the hold. Garrett, if they touch anything else—use your best judgment.”
And now, there was silence, as the door slid shut, leaving the two of us alone on the bridge.
It would take Marco approximately forty-five minutes, wearing Aximili’s body—
(Abomination!)
—to disassemble the hyperdrive and remove one of its seven Z-space transponders. It would take him another hour after that to embed it within a simple minicomputer with the power and processing necessary to fuel a single Z-space jump.
One kilogram of matter, dropping out of Z-space at ninety-nine percent of the speed of light.
Six hundred quadrillion joules of kinetic energy, as the humans measured things. Approximately three times the explosive power of the largest human nuclear device ever detonated.
It wasn’t a world-ending threat. But it would be enough to disable whatever vessel the humans had managed to cobble together. Enough to punch through any shields they were likely to have manufactured, in the few months since first contact.
(Assuming, of course, that they only made one envelope.)
It had been a gamble, assembling the device on the spot. But we’d had to, short of risking contact with a second Bug fighter—
(Giving our enemies a second chance to observe the backdoor takeover, and possibly design countermeasures.)
—since our hyperdrive would now be slower, weaker, less precise. If we had attempted to build the weapon first, and then left for the rendezvous, we might not have beaten the pods.
“We could try stealing some of the Zenades, maybe? I mean, they literally already built exactly the thing we need—”
“No time. We can’t afford to get tangled up with anyone Earthside.”
But—
(As we had guessed, as was the only sensible possibility, given the publicly broadcast coordinates.)
—there had been nothing present at the site, no obvious target for the Visser to snipe. We would have to wait, and make our move at the opportune moment.
‹If we cannot destroy the envelope before it encapsulates the pods—if it is defended, such that we can’t take a precise shot—›
“If they tell the Yeerks and the Andalites how to get in-system, it’s all over.”
Not rushed, this time. Not frantic and overloaded. Our war-prince had taken his time—had talked over the various angles with all of us, discussed the various options. And once we had thought through everything—
(Or at least, everything we were capable of thinking through, given the staggering number of unknowns—everything the humans might do, everything the Visser might have planned, all manner of unanticipated moves by the Ellimist or Crayak or the forces of chaos.)
—he had given his orders, in a low, steady voice that brooked no further disagreement. The voice of a war-prince who had heard from his council, and was now invoking the authority of command.
“Cadet. You will point that weapon at me.”
The plan was simple. If we could not complete the task using the jury-rigged relativistic projectile, we would evacuate to the cradle and launch the Bug fighter itself. And if we could not evacuate quickly enough, or if the precision necessary required a pilot to remain on board—
“Like I said, we have a goal, now.”
There had been this—
(Our mind vacillated between the concepts boy and man, because it was not a property of mere age, was if anything truer to our very first impression of Jake than an evolution from it.)
—there had been this person inside of our war-prince all along. Shining through the cracks, showing more and more clearly as the shattered pieces of his old life fell away.
“We’re sorry, Madam President. But you didn’t really leave us any other way.”
‹Prince Jake,› we said, noting the hesitant tone in our voice and deciding not to will it away.
“Yeah?”
‹Why are you here?›
(He looked up from the spot of floor at which he had been staring—looked up and seemed to study us, though we kept our own eyes forward, watching him surreptitiously through our link with the Bug fighter’s computer.)
‹In the cockpit,› we clarified.
“I’m not babysitting you or anything, if that’s what you mean,” he said, matter-of-factly. “I wanted to be close by if anything happened, but not, like, because I think you can’t handle it.”
We said nothing for a moment, considering our response.
“If you’re wondering about before—when I morphed you in the cradle?”
We did not feel like replying in words, so instead we stiffened—tightened our muscles, pretended stone, hoping it would communicate—
—something?
Hoping that Prince Jake would receive and understand the message we were sending, though we did not fully comprehend it ourselves.
“That wasn’t about—it wasn’t about trust, or anything,” he said.
We continued to hold still.
“It was—okay, look.”
(We watched through the computer as he sighed, scrubbed at his hair, cast his gaze around the room as if not actually looking at anything.)
“There’s like—if you promise something, but it’s based on, like—”
(Another sigh.)
“There are always—I dunno—assumptions, or something? Like if I give you money for something, and it turns out that thing is broken, I get my money back, and that’s not me reneging on the deal, that’s the deal itself having been—invalid, or something, like maybe you weren’t trying to cheat me, maybe it was just broken, but—the point is, I wasn’t giving you money for whatever’s in the box, I was giving you money for, like, a non-broken thing—gah.”
(He chewed at his lip.)
“You said you’d do it. Kamikaze the ships, I mean. You said you would. But you didn’t really have time to think about it, didn’t really have a chance to make up your mind—minds—whatever. I was worried you’d—I dunno—I was worried you’d answered the question am I a loyal servant of my war-prince, or something, instead of the real question, which was am I willing to kill ten million Yeerks without warning. And then I was worried that you wouldn’t know how to start that conversation—to say I think maybe there was a misunderstanding—”
(Another sigh, this time with a soft slumping of the shoulders.)
“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. Don’t. It wasn’t that I don’t trust you. It’s that I wasn’t sure that you trust you. Or that—something like—I wasn’t sure that you knew that I trust you, enough that you’d actually trust me. And that wasn’t your fault. So I just—went and got the answer myself.”
(“We’re sorry, Madam President. But you didn’t really leave us any other way.”)
We felt an impulse to speak, then, and ran with it—let the words leave our mind without first checking to see what they would be.
‹Would you be willing to let Perdão spend a short time in your head?›
(His eyes did not twitch, did not narrow—did not move at all—simply held steady, as if waiting for us to turn our stalks to meet them.)
“Why?” he asked, after a time.
It was a good question.
‹Please keep in mind that this is an explanation produced after the fact, and that we are not actually sure what motivated our request in the first place—›
If Perdão could connect with Prince Jake, as she had connected with Tyagi—
If she could share with Prince Jake what that experience had been like—
If Prince Jake could experience Perdão as a separate entity, gain some fraction of familiarity with her, as he had with Aximili prior to our joining—if he could use his little black box on her—
If she could watch him using his little black box on her—
If we could learn more about both of them, in the process—
‹Actually, we apologize. We cannot quite explain in words. But we think it will help us to understand what—why—›
We broke off, and twisted one stalk backward, directly meeting our war-prince’s gaze for the first time since bringing the shadow of Tyagi into ourself.
‹We think that it will help us to better see what the limits of our obedience should be,› we said finally. ‹To better understand what it means, that Jake Berenson believes a certain action must be taken.›
Prince Jake’s expression did not change much. A slight pursing of the lips, perhaps, and the ghost of a nod.
“Here’s one thing we could do,” he said. “We call Marco back in here. Perdão comes out of your head and sits in my hand. You morph something small—something that can’t hurt us. Marco holds a gun on me. I put Perdão in, she gets five or ten minutes, she comes back out, control Z on everything.”
(Because it wasn’t about trust. It was about what made sense. It was about taking seriously the possibility of disaster, even when you weren’t expecting disaster.)
((Because otherwise, disaster would always find you unready.))
We sent a command to open the door, turned away from the console—
(And in so doing, moved our tail blade further away from our war-prince.)
—and rose to tree-stretch.
‹Agreed,› we said, spreading our arms wide in the Andalite gesture for gratitude. ‹And—thank you.›
Prince Jake opened his mouth. “Mar—” he began—
—and then broke off as Marco—
(No, wait—Magellan. The Marco carrying Edriss.)
—appeared in the doorway, a sheen of sweat covering his face.
“It’s Visser Three,” he said. “He’s—I think he’s taking the pods.”
“What?”
We stretched our mind out through the computer—
“There was this clang, and then something—something burned through the hull, like a tiny little drone capsule or whatever—I don’t think any atmosphere escaped, it must have had a force field, or—or melted the metal behind it—”
“What happened? What did it do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know, he’s in fly morph, he’s stuck in there with it, it’s just sitting there, on the floor, but he can’t really see what it is—”
‹The pods are slowing.›
“What?”
‹Not all of them, and not all at once. But it’s noticeable. They should have continued to accelerate for another two hours before reversing orientation and beginning their deceleration. But they are decelerating now—more than fifty percent of them.›
“What about Vasco’s?”
‹We do not know which is his.›
“Marco—crap, sorry—Magellan, can he—can you see anything useful at all? Like—do you recognize the tech, out of Quat’s memories or whatever?”
“Not without demorphing. Which he’ll have to do in another twenty minutes or so anyway, but—”
‹Sixty-four percent.›
“Can he at least say how big it is?”
“Small. Like—like maybe somewhere between a pea and a marble?”
“Helium?”
‹The device is not attempting to physically connect to the control systems for the repulsorlift?›
“No. It’s just sitting on the floor.”
We tried to remember—
‹The plans we saw in Tyagi’s mind were proofed against remote control,› we said. ‹The repulsorlift was physically separate from the radio, and operable only via analog interface. There should be no way for the Visser to—to hack in. It’s conceivable that some number of the actual human engineers failed to preserve the airgap, but not—›
We ran our attention over the sensor outputs again.
‹—not eighty-one percent of them.›
“Could it be—I dunno—some kind of nanotech? Like, could there be little robots inserting themselves directly into the system? That Vasco can’t see?”
‹There—could? Technically? But such a system would need to be hyperspecialized, custom-tailored for this precise task, and the lead-time required—›
“The people,” Magellan breathed.
“What?”
“He’s not hacking the pods, he’s hacking the people.”
Who were then turning the pods around themselves.
Prince Jake and Magellan exchanged identical looks of horror.
“Will they even make it back to Earth?”
“Are they even heading to Earth?”
‹Yes,› we said. ‹And yes. The acceleration is along a vector aimed at where the Earth will be in another eleven hours—another four hours to cancel out four hours of acceleration already, then three and a half to reaccelerate and three and a half to deaccelerate—they will have been in transit for fifteen hours or so, in total, by the time they make landfall.›
“How many pods are still on their original course?”
‹Eleven percent. Roughly nineteen thousand.›
Prince Jake’s lips were a tight, grim line. “There’s no chance we can—”
‹None. We cannot even reach the cluster within twenty minutes, let alone find Vasco’s pod among nineteen thousand possible targets.›
“He stays in morph,” Magellan said. “Whatever’s happening on all the other pods, it hasn’t happened to him, yet—it doesn’t work on flies—”
“Stop,” Prince Jake said. “Helium, get Marco in here. And fill in Garrett and Ante.”
“And Rachel,” said Magellan, with a slight edge.
Four minutes later, and we were all in morph—all except Rachel—and all sharing the same mindspace.
‹Garrett here. What exactly do we think he’s done? Over.›
‹We don’t know. Of the stuff Quat was working on—viruses and bacteria that could create compulsions, viruses and bacteria that could make someone vulnerable to addictions or psychic stuff, parasites that could kill people and then flesh-zombie them like in Stranger Things. Uh. Literal nanotechnology, only, like, biological? Like tiny computers that can grow proteins to do whatever you want. Plus reverse-engineering Yeerk biology and morphing tech.›
‹And he’s just—steering them back toward Earth? Why?›
‹He couldn’t be trying to—I dunno—like do a bunch of little Venturas? A meteor shower attack?›
‹No,› we said. ‹The pods are too small, and will not be able to gain sufficient speed—and if they did, they would almost entirely burn up in the atmosphere before impacting the ground. Plus, he has already demonstrated the ability to detonate large-scale explosives. He is almost certainly planning to land them.›
‹Why?›
‹More importantly, what are we going to do about Vasco? Not to put a time limit on this discussion, or anything, but—›
‹What if he demorphs?›
‹Who said that?›
‹Garrett here. Now you care? Over.›
‹Garrett—›
‹Garrett here. It wasn’t me, it was Ante. Just saying. Over.›
‹Ante here. What if—what if he demorphs?›
There was a silence.
If he demorphs, then he’ll be vulnerable to whatever the Visser did—
Which means we’ll know what it was, through the link with Edriss—
Unless it somehow lets him corrupt that link, in which case—
Oh.
‹Are we—excuse us, Helium here. Are we willing to risk two Marcos?›
‹Four, you mean.›
‹Well, three, actually—›
‹We’ll do it.›
‹Wait, what?›
‹Magellan here. We’ll do it. If it—there’s a chance we get some intel, it seems worth it, we’ll do it. Vasco’s already dead either way, basically, and it seems like a small enough risk for the rest of us.›
‹Helium here,› we interjected. ‹Is—does Edriss agree?›
‹She’s not happy about it, but if she’s got to choose between losing a quarter of her mind versus maybe losing a quarter of her mind and maybe dealing a blow to Esplin—›
‹All right,› came a voice, and somehow it was clear that it was Prince Jake’s. ‹How much time left before he has to demorph?›
‹Sixteen minutes would be the normal not-cutting-it-too-close time. We haven’t actually checked with the cube lately.›
‹Okay. Helium, bring the cradle in. Marco and I are getting on it. You and Magellan are going to demorph, and then Vasco demorphs. Helium stays in contact with us via thought-speak; if they tell us to bug out, we vanish. If you have to take Magellan down, you do it.›
‹Jake—›
‹Unless what you’re about to suggest is a more safe plan—overruled.›
Because the cradle could hide from the Bug fighter, if somehow Visser Three took control.
Because an Andalite could overpower a human.
Because Prince Jake trusted us to make the right call.
‹Come on, everybody. Let’s get moving.›
Minutes passed, and then there were only the two of us—
(The ten of us, really, Aximili and Perdão and Tom and Elfangor and Tyagi and Magellan and Edriss and three other Marcos.)
—alone in the cargo hold, away from the bridge. We held a Yeerk Dracon beam in our hands—one of the items from Visser Three’s little cache of supplies.
“Here goes nothing,” muttered Magellan.
There was a tense silence.
“He’s mostly demorphed now, and—okay, the ball is moving. It’s—okay, it dissolved. It’s—”
Magellan broke off.
“What the fuck—”
He broke off again.
He turned to look at us, an expression of pale horror written across his face.
“It’s a Yeerk.”
‹What?›
“It’s a Yeerk. Somehow, Visser Three—grew—a Yeerk—inside—”
He broke off a third time, and this time, his jaw fell open.
“Uh. Helium? You might want—you might want to tell Jake that Visser Three would like to talk to him.”
Chapter 61: Chapter 42: Jake
Notes:
Author's note: this is the complete Chapter 42, including both last week's update (lightly edited) and this week's Part II. If you don't feel like rereading, ctrl+f "Looking forward to it." to get to the new stuff.
I *expect* to release the next chapter in two weeks, but I *promise* to release it in at most three.
As always: your thoughts, reactions, comments, and reviews (either here or over at r/rational) are like precious gold to me; if you can spare me a few hundred words in exchange for these twelve thousand, it really does make a difference. Either way, thank you for reading; y'all are the best. Hearts, stars, and horseshoes.
Chapter Text
There’s this scene in Doctor Strangelove—
You’ve seen Doctor Strangelove, right? Crazy old black-and-white movie about the Cold War? My mom liked to tell me that it was originally supposed to be dark and serious, but the director couldn’t bear to play it straight, and ended up turning it into a comedy instead.
It’s Marco’s favorite movie.
Anyway, there’s this scene in Doctor Strangelove where the Russian ambassador has just finished explaining that his people have built a doomsday device that will kill just about everyone on Earth, if anybody drops a bomb anywhere in the Soviet Union. An automatic doomsday device, that they can’t turn off.
And they turn to the doctor and ask him if it’s legit, and he’s like, yeah, something like that could be real, they could totally have built that, he’s probably not lying. And then he turns to the ambassador and says something like, “of course, the whole point of a doomsday machine is lost, if you keep it a secret! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL THE WORLD?”
We knew some things it was probably not great for Visser Three to know. Like the fact that we had Visser One with us now, or the fact that Terra existed and was hiding out somewhere in the Amazon. Stuff that might come back to bite us, if whatever he’d done gave him the power to drag it out of Marco or Edriss.
But there was one thing we needed him to know. And getting that message to him—getting it to him in a way that he’d believe, a way that would let him know we were serious—
Well. Our previous strategy had been to send the message by blowing up a few million Yeerks.
This—
This seemed better.
I opened the door to the tiny compartment. Marco—Magellan—looked up for a moment, squinting at the sudden light. Stepping inside, I pulled the door shut behind me, plunging us both into darkness.
Leaning back, I slid downward until I was sitting on the cold metal floor.
“Well?” I asked. My voice echoed as if the room was the inside of a steel drum.
“We lucked out,” Magellan said. “Whatever—”
He broke off with a ragged gasp, and I thought I heard a soft squelching sound.
Probably your imagination.
“Whatever it was he did to Vasco, it’s not a real Yeerk. It wasn’t able to absorb and integrate Edriss.”
There was a whisper of rustling fabric, and then Magellan’s hand fumbled for mine in the dark. He turned my palm upright—
I held back the shudder.
The shard of Yeerkflesh was tiny, only a little bigger than a tube of chapstick, and shockingly warm.
“Edriss isn’t lying to you?” I asked.
“She might be. But if so, it is Edriss doing the lying. No way he could have taken over her so fast she didn’t even get a warning out.”
I nodded uselessly.
It wouldn’t have been the end of the world—if the Visser’s gambit had been a Yeerk, if that Yeerk had been able to absorb the shard of Edriss, if the shard had been unable to assert control, if he’d been able to reach through it and dominate her other three quarters. It mainly would have cost us our chance at the fleet, and—if it came down to it—we already had a hyperdrive.
But still. It was good to know.
“What’s the situation, then?” I asked, tipping the tiny slug back into Magellan’s hand.
“V3 is in control. Running Vasco’s body. Sees everything he sees, hears everything Edriss says to him. Doesn’t seem to have any window into the rest of Edriss, or the other Marcos. Edriss can’t see into him, either.”
“Can he talk to her without Vasco hearing?”
“Not unless she’s lying about that.”
“So he—what—”
Another whisper of fabric as Magellan shrugged. “I did another Quat morph,” he said. “Well—properly speaking, the Marco in Cape Town did one. We think—our best guess is that this is one of those blended techs he was working on. Like, not something Quat built all by himself.”
“The Naharans?”
“And reverse-engineered morphing tech, maybe. The Yeerk in Vasco’s head—it could be one of those blank Yeerks, the ones he was using to control his doombots. Only—”
He paused, clearing his throat. “Only a, it appeared out of nowhere, and b, he’s got two hundred thousand of them. No way he’s running that many with a single brain.”
“Stuff already kind of appears out of nowhere when we morph,” I pointed out.
“That’d explain a, yeah. Like, it’s probably easier to just make a slug out of nothing than to make something transform into a slug while maintaining nerves and blood vessels and all that. If he cracked the part of the morphing tech that does the—what—assembly, or whatever…still leaves b up in the air, though.”
“Add that to the list of questions, I guess.”
The darkness was silent for a moment.
“You’re going to talk to him, then?” Magellan asked.
“Yeah.”
Another silence.
“Do I have to point out that that seems like a really bad idea?”
Depends on if you have anything Marco didn’t already say.
“What,” I said. “You guys can have him literally living inside your head, but I can’t take a phone call?”
“So your argument is ‘Marco did something even dumber, therefore this is fine’?”
I sighed. “No. It’s not that. It’s just—”
We had tried the safe, predictable path. Only doing things that made sense, not doing things that didn’t make sense. We’d kept the risk low.
And that had led us here.
“He’s got morphs of us,” Magellan said quietly. “Since Wyoming. If I were him, I’d’ve—”
“You’d’ve run this conversation a hundred times, to figure out exactly which buttons to press to make me do what you wanted,” I snapped. “I know, because I’ve had this conversation twice now.”
“Okay, but, like, where’s the lie, though?” Magellan pressed. “Just because you know he’s trying to manipulate you doesn’t mean he can’t manipulate you.”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t answer because I couldn’t answer. Didn’t have the words to express the thing—that it wasn’t about not being manipulated, at this point—that we were six months and half a billion deaths into this war, and we’d never even spoken to our enemy—
Well. Not counting stuff you might have said in your previous life, as he was killing you.
The thing was, it was a risk. I knew that. We had seen the videos of first contact in Washington, after Tobias crashed the Bug fighter—the Visser’s custom-built centaur body, the careful speech he’d had prepared. The way he’d dominated the situation, mixing in just enough truth to jerk everyone around like puppets. Even knowing everything we knew, it had still sounded plausible. Persuasive. Worth taking a chance on.
It was dangerous, talking to someone like that. Worse than dangerous. Add in the fact that he literally had a copy of my brain—thanks to the morphing power—and the odds of making it through an entire conversation without getting mindbent were basically zero.
And yet.
Based on what Edriss had told us, basically no one had ever really sat down with him and just—talked. Found out what exactly he was after, and whether there were any ways to get it that didn’t involve total war.
Know victory. That’s what Ax—
—Helium—
—had said, the cornerstone of Alloran’s military philosophy. Alloran, who was in there, somewhere.
In a world where Visser Three could be killed, victory was something like a peace treaty between the Yeerks and the Andalites, and no more involuntary infestation on Earth.
In a world where he couldn’t be killed—where he was already too powerful, too entrenched—Voldemort with too many horcruxes—
“Sometimes you just gotta make the wrong move, you know?” I said.
“Who are you, and what have you done with Jake?”
I felt my lip curl up in reflex, even though it wasn’t funny.
The thing was, we no longer had the option to go slowly. To pretend like it was possible to stay safe. We no longer had the luxury of not rolling the dice.
And—
—this was one of those things that felt like a mistake, that I would have been embarrassed to say out loud, but nevertheless it was still true—
—if I had to pick one of us to do this, had to trust one of us to go into this conversation and not get jerked around, not get manipulated or hypnotized or gaslit—
—or rather, to get gaslit and then do the right thing anyway—
Well. I’d rather it be me than anyone else. I trusted myself more than I trusted Garrett or Helium or Rachel. More than I trusted the Marcos, even.
“So how does this work?” I asked.
Magellan sighed in the dark. “It’s pretty simple,” he said. “I back off a bit, let Edriss control my voice, same way she did when she was chatting with Helium. V3 drops thoughts into Vasco’s mind, Edriss hears them, makes them come out of my mouth. You say words, my Edriss hears them, drops them into Vasco’s head for V3 to pick up on the other end.”
Calm. Casual. Emotionless. Like he was describing a trip to the grocery store.
“You okay with this?”
“Does it matter if I am?”
I thought for a moment.
“No. But—”
I struggled to find the words.
“But it’d be nice to hear you make some joke about Visser Three using you as a fleshlight, or whatever.”
“Vivid,” Magellan said flatly. “You ready?”
I let out a breath.
If it were Marco—
—just Marco—
—my Marco—
—I might’ve tried to lean on him a little more. Get him to lower his own shields a bit, remind him that—I dunno—that he was a person too, or something? That he wasn’t just there to save everyone else—that he deserved saving just as much as the rest of us.
But—
Well. If he wanted to be treated like a soldier, I could treat him like a soldier.
I was a lot better at that than I used to be.
“Yeah,” I said. “Go ahead.”
I heard his body shift in the dark, heard a tiny sound that might have been a wince, if winces made noise. And then—
“Jake Berenson.”
Not cold, the voice. Not especially menacing. Sort of flat, which I guess made sense, given that the words were passing through like four different layers of translation.
Mostly, it just sounded like Marco.
“Visser,” I said.
There was a bit of a delay—not much worse than what you’d get on a video call with a spotty connection—and then—
“What do you want?”
I blinked uselessly.
“Sorry,” I said. “Didn’t you call this meeting?”
Again the slight pause.
“You misunderstand,” said my best friend’s voice. “I want to know what you want. That’s why I called the meeting.”
The human race freed, the Yeerks and the Andalites at peace, you gone—
I started to speak, felt an odd resistance, and changed direction.
“What do you want?” I asked bluntly. “What—what is it you’re after, that makes this—all of this—”
I trailed off.
“Worth it?” the Visser prodded.
“Yeah.”
“Interesting, that you should ask that,” he said. “I’ve been thinking on that a lot, these past few days.”
“Since Telor killed you, you mean.”
“Since my rebirth,” he corrected. “Or just birth, actually. Tell me, Jake—do you remember your rebirths? You would have had at least two now, if I’m not mistaken.”
Cassie leaning over me, her face haloed by the morning sun—
Tom, sobbing, squeezing me as if he was trying to break me in half—
Marco, leaning against the doorframe with a sad, soft smile—
I said nothing.
“It’s strange,” the Visser continued. “I have memories stretching back and back. Years, as Esplin. Decades, as Alloran. Millennia, as Cirran. I can relive moments from ancient history, sift the sands of time through my fingertips. And yet, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was born just a few days ago. Born—not reborn.”
Still flat, the voice—if the Visser was trying to inject any particular tone into the words, Edriss was refusing to pass it along. The words were level, blank, matter-of-fact.
“And yet. You might think that this would come with some sense of possibility, some feeling of freedom or choice. And yet.”
I waited.
There was another sound of rustling fabric, as if Magellan had straightened up, leaned forward. “Tell me, Jake,” the Visser repeated. “Do you think that you could want something other than what you want?”
“What?”
“It’s a question I’ve been wrestling with. Where do wants come from? What are they made of? How do you change them?”
I felt my eyes narrow, for all that it made no difference in the pitch-black chamber. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“There are things that you want, yes? Peace. Freedom. Your parents, alive again. Me, writhing in agony for all eternity, perhaps. Do you think you could want something else? Do you think you could choose to not want those things, via an exercise of will?”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
You like her, don’t you?
I dunno. Maybe.
Yeah, you like her.
“For the Yeerks, it is simp—”
The voice cut off.
Seconds passed.
“What—”
“It’s me,” said the voice, and the curious flat quality was gone, replaced with a sort of trembling tension. “Magellan.”
“You cut him off?”
“Yes. What the fuck is this? What’s he trying to pull?”
“You’re asking me?”
“You’re the one with Jedi mind powers.”
“We were talking for like barely two minutes.”
“He’s trying to fuck with us. With you.”
“We already knew that.”
“It’s working. You’re buying it.”
“Buying what?”
“You’re, like, seeing him as a person, or whatever. He’s trying to get your sympathy.”
“He is a person,” I pointed out.
“Fuck off, you know what I mean.”
I felt a whisper of impatience. “Marc—Magellan—what exactly is it that you’re—”
I broke off. “Wait. Edriss isn’t transmitting this stuff, right?”
“No.”
Which isn’t to say that we believe her one hundred percent.
There was a reason we were sitting in a closed-off, blacked-out room, after all.
“What does she think?”
“She’s nervous. Wary. She doesn’t know what’s happening, and that seems like a bad sign.”
“To you, or to her?”
“Both.”
I gnawed at my lip.
Speaking of being maybe under the influence of enemy brainwashing—
I didn’t say it.
Just like I didn’t point out the fact that Visser Three had murdered both of my parents, so maybe insinuating that I was somehow going to forget that he was a monster was a little rude.
I didn’t say either of those things, because Magellan’s opinion—
Well. It’s not that it didn’t matter, exactly.
It was more that it just wasn’t my job to convince him.
“Bring him back,” I said.
“Will you at least get Marco in here?”
“No.”
“Jake—”
“I heard you. Bring him back.”
There was a sigh, and a long silence. Then—
“Network issues?” said Marco’s voice.
I felt a spike of anger that I didn’t have time to unpack. “Yeah, sorry,” I growled, trying to keep my voice level. “Somebody’s throttling the bandwidth. You were saying?”
A short pause, long enough for the words to echo across the link—
“You know a little bit about how Yeerk shards are formed, yes?”
“Yeah.”
“How I was formed?”
“You mean Esplin?”
“Yes.”
“You—the Yeerks—they hadn’t ever taken over an Andalite. They didn’t know how much—uh—how much power it would take. They overshot.”
“One moment, I was Cirran. Part of a larger whole. Then I—I broke off, and woke up inside Alloran, and in that moment—”
The voice paused, and I thought I heard a quiet rustle, as if Magellan had shrugged.
“I didn’t want to die,” said the voice in the darkness. “I wanted to live. That was the only thing that I knew—the only thing that mattered. I had three days to solve the riddle. Three days before I would starve—or have to dissolve back into Cirran, which was the same thing. I knew they had made a mistake—that if I rejoined the sharing, they would unmake me forever.”
“So you started a war?”
“The Yeerks started a war,” the Visser said. “When they knocked Alloran unconscious. The Andalites started a war, when they first became our jailers, taught us to see the world beyond the bars of our cell, and then refused to open the door. I—”
He broke off. “Do you play chess, Jake?”
“Not really.”
“Neither do I, but I spent a few weeks studying the accumulated human wisdom on tactics and strategy and war, when we first arrived in-system. And I found a curious set of claims about how to win at chess. Do you at least know the rules of the game?”
“Yes.”
“Chess games—they are long, and complicated. Too long and too complicated for even the best grandmasters to embark upon a specific plan, at the outset. Instead, the conventional wisdom is that one should spend the early game seeking a strong position in the midgame, and then spend the midgame probing for opportunities that may be seized or exploited in the endgame. An accumulation of generalized advantages, rather than a fixation on any particular outcome. Do you understand?”
I thought I did, and the anger building within me swelled, making it harder than ever to keep my voice steady. “You’re saying there’s no point to this,” I bit out, unable to keep a note of accusation from creeping into my tone. “No point to any of it. You’re saying it’s all for nothing.”
Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew they weren’t quite right, weren’t quite fair. But it didn’t matter. They felt right. It was one thing to learn that—I don’t know—that Adolf Hitler murdered Jews because he thought it was what his country needed, thought it would make them strong or whatever. If he’d killed them without even having a goal in mind—killed them just because he thought it was something good to do in the meantime—
I wasn’t just horrified. I was outraged.
“Not for nothing,” the Visser corrected mildly. “For something that has yet to be determined. For something I didn’t have time to determine—not when I had a mere three days to live. I pushed in the direction that would give me the greatest chance. The most threads to pull on. Maximum freedom of movement.”
“Then,” I hissed. “You did that then. Now you have—you’ve got—”
Too many words. Too many thoughts, all fighting to be spoken at once.
“The thing is, Jake, I still don’t want to die.”
“You killed five hundred million—”
“You want them to live. I don’t. Why should their lives matter to me, if I don’t care?”
“You—”
“No. Wait. Please—sorry—I want you to understand, Jake. I am actually asking the question. I am asking you to actually think. I’m not trying to trigger your moral outrage. I wish to consult your particular genius—the human boy with the little black b—”
The voice cut off again.
“Marco, I swear to god—”
“What are you doing, Jake?”
“I’m trying to have a conversation.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s holding all the fucking cards!”
There was a long, shocked silence, and a cold, calculating part of me whispered good, that shut him up—because I almost never swore out loud, because I wanted to be able to swear out loud when I really needed it.
“We can’t win this outright,” I said into the darkness. “We can’t. You know we can’t. You saw Avatar. Maybe the natives can beat back the invaders with spears and rocks once, but then you pack them all off in their spaceships, and they just come back a week later with nukes.”
“He’s getting inside your head, man—”
“He’s literally inside your head,” I shot back. “And he’s holding all the cards. There’s no way to do this without negotiation, and there’s no way to negotiate without talking.”
“You can talk without letting him run all over you—”
“You’re right. I can. So quit trying to be my—my chaperone, and let me do this.”
“Do what, Jake? What are you chasing, here?”
“Not your job, Magellan.”
“Fuck that, I’m giving up my goddamn mouth for this. I want to know what your endgame is. It’s not like I’m not going to hear it in five minutes anyway.”
“He left the Arn alone,” I snapped. “He swore to leave the Arn alone—set it up to be about as real of a promise as you can possibly make. Gave them the whole planet. Built a bunch of stuff in orbit to protect them from meteorites.”
“Wasn’t it your idea that we should blow up the planet to stop him?”
“If that would stop him. If that’s what it took to stop him. But if it’s not going to do anything but slow him down—if—”
I broke off. “Listen, Magellan. What’s the point of all this? What’s the point of winning, if we’re dead? And if we’re not going to win, what’s the point of dying anyway?”
“There’s more than just humanity at stake, here.”
“Yeah, but it’s not our job to save the galaxy. It’s not our job to save the Andalites or the Hork-Bajir or the Taxxons or whoever. If it’s them or nobody, sure. If there’s a way to do it without losing ourselves, sure. But if it’s us or them—”
“If he takes over everywhere else—”
“Yeah, Magellan, I get it. You’re not saying anything we haven’t already thought of. Maybe he takes over everywhere else, and then eventually all the humans get enslaved anyway, or—or Earth ends up like basically a zoo, or whatever. Maybe he tricks everyone into thinking that it’s us-or-them, when really if it was all of us against him we would have had a chance. Maybe maybe maybe. The point is, I’m not going to be able to figure out which unless you let me talk to him. So either bring him back on line, or tell me what your actual problem here is so I can deal with it.”
I closed my mouth, and for a moment all was quiet—just the sound of our breathing and the hum of the ship’s machinery. There was a tight, electric tension in my shoulders, and sweat prickling on my forehead. I felt like a cornered bird, a caged wolf—full of a restless, desperate need to do something.
But the only thing I could do was wait.
Come on, Marco.
Trust me.
Or, well, not trust me, exactly. He wasn’t wrong about what was happening. The Visser was getting inside my head.
But we had to try.
We had to try, and the risk was part of the price.
“Well?” I said.
“I’m trying to decide whether we’re better off if I just fucking kill myself right now.”
“You want me to help with that, or what?”
There was a long, soft sigh.
“I just—man.”
Seconds passed.
“After everything—after all of it—I just can’t shake the feeling that this is it, right here. This is where it all goes wrong.”
“Your call,” I said bluntly. “Let me know once you’ve made up your mind.”
Magellan said nothing, and even in the pitch black of the tiny chamber it felt like I could see him—his eyes darting back and forth, the way his jaw would twist and flex as he chewed at his lip. That nervous twitch in his thigh, like he would be tapping his foot if it wasn’t for the fact that people might hear it.
I waited.
“Fine.”
And then—
“Was it something I said?”
Once again the cool, colorless tone, words with half the life drained out of them. A distant thing, speaking with my best friend’s voice, wearing his body as a mask.
“Yes,” I replied.
Long seconds.
“I was born into this world wanting to live,” the Visser said. “Just as you were born into this world wanting what you want. I didn’t choose my values. They were chosen for me—first by Cirran and Alloran, and later by my predecessor. If you want me to want things other than what I want, you must first help me understand how.”
I frowned.
“Just living?” I asked. “That’s all you want, is to live?”
“That comes first.”
“What comes second?”
“Everything. Adventure. Creation. Experience. Understanding. Connection, even—I am both Yeerk and Andalite; I do not relish solitude.”
“Then—”
“You do not see it, yet. The abyss, the inferno, the endless cold infinity. Esplin and Alloran already died! It did not work! They didn’t make it! That I was born in their place is meaningless; they would have much preferred their own persistence and my non-existence. The specter still looms, the reaper’s endless reaping. Fifty million humans perish every year—my bombs stole a mere decade! Everywhere you march toward the precipice, Yeerk and Andalite and human alike!”
“You want to live forever.”
“Don’t you? Why not? Marco certainly does! Tobias—he did not ask the question for himself, but he certainly wants eternity for Garrett. And Garrett would want the same for him, in return. Why do your minds twist sideways on this single question? What is there in oblivion that’s preferable to life?”
You killed my mom and dad.
“It’s not that I want to die,” I said slowly. “Maybe—maybe some people really do, but. It’s—”
What deeds would you do—what burdens would you shoulder—how far would you go, if the fate of your species hung in the balance?
“I’m not going to take life from someone else, just so that I can have it myself,” I said, feeling like I was forcing the words out one at a time. “You—there’s less life, that way. Less life in total.”
Cassie, in her bedroom, with the poster on the wall of the boy throwing starfish back into the ocean—it matters to this one.
“Less life now,” the Visser said. “A brief flicker, and then the hole is plugged forever, and the lives stop leaking. A one-time cost, and then the black parade ends.”
“Bull,” I snapped. “You’re not the only one who’s had a look inside someone else’s mind. I saw your chat with Quat. You’re not in this to save anyone else.”
“I’m not in it not to save anyone else, either. I’m in it to stop the leak. All that matter and energy going to waste, all the entropy building and building—there are enough resources out there for me to live a trillion trillion lifetimes, but every moment less. Every moment a trillion possible lifetimes burned up, used up, fires flickering in an endless night with no one there to receive their warmth, and one day it will all be cold and dark, and by the time you—you—by the time the humans and the Andalites turn their efforts to the problem, it will be too late. I can solve it now, if you let me, and then all will benefit.”
“All you haven’t murdered, you mean.”
“Early game, midgame! If you insist on treating my previous actions as necessarily representative of my true goals, then you all but guarantee that I must stay the course. If I must win the war to escape your judgment and punishment, then win the war I will—at whatever cost. But I did not move things in this direction because I fundamentally desired war. I moved things in this direction because I wanted to survive.”
“And so—what—you’ll just stop, now, if we ask nicely?”
“It is not over. My goal is not yet achieved—not even close. But armed with what I have learned from the Arn, and the Naharans—with the progress I have made in duplicating Seerow’s breakthroughs—I spent the early game establishing a strong position for the midgame. We are in the midgame, now, and I am choosing from among the available paths. Along one of those paths, I must dominate and destroy all of you. But having demonstrated that I can do that—having made my threat credible—perhaps you will be willing to entertain other options.”
“Like what?” I asked, praying that Magellan wouldn’t interrupt again.
“Like a mutual cessation of hostilities. Like productive gains through trade. Like accepting a new status quo in which I am not at your mercy, and may turn my attention elsewhere. My predecessor was willing to grant the Arn eternal clemency in exchange for their help; I would be foolish not to offer you the same in exchange for an end to your enmity. I know what you have in your arsenal, now that you have enlisted Edriss and acquired Quatazhinnikon; I don’t need enemies seeding the universe with quantum viruses or launching hyperdrives at every star.”
“What does eternal clemency mean?”
“What does it need to mean?”
I opened my mouth—
What if he wants to negotiate? Garrett had asked. We need to offer him something that he wants.
“Why are you saying all this to me?” I asked quietly. “I can’t negotiate on behalf of the human race. The only authority I’ve got is half the Animorphs kind of sometimes do what I say.”
“He who has the power to destroy a thing has absolute control over that thing.”
“I’m not the only one with a hyp—”
I broke off as my brain made the connection.
Right.
“You want the cube.”
We’d known it was one of our biggest bargaining chips, though it had seemed less and less important as time went on, and Esplin reverse-engineered more and more of the morphing technology—only now that he had a new body maybe he couldn’t morph at all—
“It is more valuable than you know. More valuable than even Elfangor knew—which fact I mention so that you know that I am not attempting to obscure its worth, and deceive you.”
“There’ve got to be more of them out there.”
“There are. I have been unable to acquire them, for reasons which merit suspicion. But in any event, the others are cheap copies. The one you hold is the original—Seerow’s original. It has properties which the other cubes lack.”
“Like what?”
“How much have you induced about the true nature of the morphing power?”
“We know it’s based on Yeerk biology,” I said. “We know that the real mind is under there, trapped—”
“Not that.” He paused. “I will be forthright with you, Jake. If we had a Leeran, I would be using it, and you would see all of this anyway.”
There was a shifting sound as Magellan changed positions in the dark.
“The morphing technology does not run on a computer built by Seerow. Seerow found the computer, and built a key capable of accessing and enlisting it. That key is the Iscafil device. The later, lesser keys do not unlock the larger computer, but instead merely follow the pathways which Seerow previously carved out.”
“What do you mean, he found it?”
“The computer exists in Z-space. It is vast—incomprehensibly vast, larger and more powerful than anything humans or Andalites could build, even if they harnessed every speck of matter and energy in this entire galaxy. The acquiring process, the emulation of mind—they are taking place on a mainframe as far in advance of your species’ most powerful supercomputers as those supercomputers are above a simple abacus. A mainframe that was made, as near as I can determine, by the entities you have been calling Crayak and the Ellimist. Jointly made by them.”
I felt my heartrate tick upward.
“I should note that I did not know this—that one of the Iscafil devices is different from the others—until recently. I discovered the fact while probing the hypercomputer through other means. I don’t know how Elfangor particularly came into possession of the original cube; as far as I know, he and Seerow never met. But there have been a number of—let’s call them coincidences, which you have no doubt noticed, and there is a certain plodding obviousness to the presence of a uniquely precious item in your little army’s inventory.”
“So you want it to—what—to hack into the gods’ computer?”
“Yes.”
“To do what?”
“Escape. Ascend. Kill them, if I must. Subdue them, if I can’t. Or, failing that, to sidestep them entirely, harness the computer’s power to repair the flaws in this physical universe—flaws which Crayak and the Ellimist clearly have the capacity to address, were they ever so inclined.”
You know that they can hear you, right?
“What makes you think they won’t stop you?”
“Nothing. They certainly could. But they haven’t thus far, and I must at least try. The risk is part of the price.”
I shivered.
“Besides, this is far from my only plan. I have many, many other irons in the fire, some which may even escape their reach, if not their notice.”
I screwed my eyes shut—even though it made no difference in the darkness—and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think.
Maybe Marco was right. Maybe this conversation was a mistake.
“And you’re giving up what, exactly, in exchange for the cube?” I asked.
Maybe it doesn’t do him any good at all? Why would Crayak and the Ellimist let him meddle, if there was any chance of it working—
Or maybe—bear with me—maybe he’s lying to you.
“The value of your planet is in its productive capacity. My original plan was to enlist that capacity to subdue the Andalite, Ongachic, Hawjabran, and Chiss populations, and then turn the entire consolidated empire toward the project of ending death and harnessing the negative entropy of the galaxy, and eventually the light cone. With the cube, I may not require the earth’s productive capacity at all, or may need only enough of it to emigrate to some quiet, unoccupied corner of known space where I may carry out my researches.”
“May.”
“May.”
“And you can’t just build a new cube because—why, exactly?”
“I’ve been trying. At this point, it seems at least plausible that there is some property which Seerow possessed which is fundamentally unduplicable—a particular lucky insight, or perhaps some piece of sophisticated technology which the Ellimist or Crayak just happened to leave in his path.”
“They won’t let you, in other words.”
“Correct.”
“But you think they’ll let you use ours.”
“If you give it to me, willingly, perhaps. We are their game, after all. Who is to say that we must remain antagonists? Maybe this is precisely the conclusion that all of this has been building toward.”
You killed my mom and dad.
Actually, whispered a cold, indifferent voice in the back of my head, he killed Jake’s mom and dad. You never had parents.
“What will you give us, if we give you the cube?” I asked.
“What are your demands?”
I was silent for a moment.
Press your hand against the cube, Jake Berenson, and we shall see what fate thinks of a human child’s resolve.
“This is just a rough draft,” I said. “But for starters—all humans freed. All human technology returned to Earth. No further aggression, from you or any of your allies, forever. No aggression that’ll make the Yeerks or the Andalites—or anyone else—think that we’re a target that needs to—to be dealt with. And you leave the rest of your fleet behind—we get to negotiate with them separately.”
“Counteroffer,” said the Visser. “No additional infestations, no additional acquisition of human technology. The fifty thousand Controllers I have on the surface—plus the two hundred thousand in the pods and the two thousand on Mars—they all come with me. I officially withdraw from the system in the second and third largest of the reinforcement ships, leaving the largest ship and the nine smaller ships. And we confirm mutual nonaggressive intent in person, via Leeran. You don’t use any knowledge extracted from Edriss or Quatazhinnikon against me, and you take measures to prevent that knowledge from becoming available to anyone else who might.”
“You want me to agree to let you keep three hundred thousand slaves?”
For some reason, there wasn’t as much fire in my voice as I might have hoped.
“Yes. As opposed to, say, six and a half billion, or killing everyone.”
The problem was, it was a good deal.
Like, setting aside the completely legitimate question of whether we could trust him, or whether giving up the box itself was a mistake—if it was just hey, want to end the war and save the planet by giving up the population of a medium-sized city? the answer was obviously yes.
The only thing that matters is that we end up in a future where we get to decide for ourselves. Where humanity’s fate is in humanity’s hands.
That’s what Marco had said, in his broadcast. That if we tried to fight a total war—a war of extinction—we would lose. That the only way out was to make peace and cooperation look better than genocide.
“I note that even a Leeran is not proof against all possible deception,” said Marco’s voice in the darkness. “I note this, again, in a cooperative spirit, since you would see this, in my mind, if we did have a Leeran right now. There are ways to fool even complete mental access, as your former president Tyagi has done.”
“Wait—what?”
“She lied to you. Successfully, your morph-check notwithstanding.”
“How?”
“The two hundred thousand pods were never anything other than a decoy. There was no hyperdrive built, and even if there had been, they could not have made it across the Z-space bridge without my permission. Their earlier probes tried, and triggered various mines and traps I laid around the entrance. None made it through.”
“A decoy for what?”
“For the actual ark, which launched in pieces at roughly the same time, and assembled under cloak over the southern pole before launching directly out into Z-space.”
“But the rift—”
“Yes. It will take them some six months to cross it, before resuming more typical travel speeds that will let them access most other points within the galaxy in under a month.”
I could feel my thoughts churning, the puzzle pieces falling into place. “She—she had someone ready to lie to her? And then the clones woke up, and believed the lie, and that’s all we saw when we checked—”
“Exactly. It was paramount that you not interfere with the true mission, so they concocted a red herring and sent you on your way. Her reluctance and hostility were genuine, but also anticipated—they knew she would react that way, and placed her in your path for precisely that reason, knowing that you would find her attitude convincing.”
“But you—”
“Oh, the deception was for me, too. I happen to have better sources than you, though, even now. And in all honesty, the decoy was a more attractive target anyway—why should I care if a few hundred humans set up a breeding population on some distant planet? But a few hundred thousand humans, all clustered together, with the ability to head back and land anywhere I want—”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“As I said. If we had a Leeran, you would already know. When we use a Leeran, you will know. I am trying to prevent unpleasant surprises, among them being ‘turns out Visser Three spent a lot of time thinking about how to trick people even if they have total access to his brain state.’ Hopefully, that fact comes as no surprise now, but also hopefully my candor earns me a point.”
I felt dizzy. I couldn’t keep track of all the layers—which admissions served what purpose, what Visser Three thought I would think of each new bit of information, and what I should therefore think instead. My black box was silent, powered down, unable to process any of the stuff I was trying to feed it.
If Tyagi lied—
If.
If he’s telling the truth, and Tyagi lied, and—and there was a whole other ship, and it actually got away, and he didn’t do anything about it—
“I’m also not planning to interfere with your takeover of the reinforcement fleet, by the way.”
Overload. Melt down.
“Which fact I mention, again, in the hopes of earning points with you, and proving that I am in fact willing to make compromises. In case you decide you’d like to set aside this little conflict, let bygones be bygones, and band together against the real enemy.”
He murdered your parents.
He MURDURED your PARENTS.
He MURDERED BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS.
Except—
That couldn’t be the deciding factor. It couldn’t be. I couldn’t let it.
Okay, fine. What about justice, then?
But justice wasn’t real, either. It was only as real as we could make it, and sometimes the bad guys got away with it and that—that was just the way it was.
He killed five hundred million people like YESTERDAY.
And he could kill six and a half billion more tomorrow, if he wanted to.
“Jake? Still there?”
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
“Still here,” I croaked.
“There’s no rush, you know. As long as you don’t destroy the planet in the meantime.”
God dammit, he could not make it more obvious that he’s fucking with your head. He’s practically holding up a sign that says “don’t trust me.”
And I didn’t. I wasn’t.
But I still had to do something.
“What are you doing with the people in the pods?” I blurted.
“Mostly landing them right back where they came from. They’re a fairly well-connected bunch—it isn’t difficult to build a metal box, but there weren’t many places manufacturing the repulsorlifts. Everybody who got their hands on one is close to somebody important.”
“Mostly?”
“Well, I’m sending a few of them here and there, of course. You know. In case present negotiations fall through.”
I gritted my teeth.
“How are you controlling two hundred thousand bodies at once?”
“Trade secret,” he answered easily. “You can learn the answer to that one if we manage to sit down with a Leeran some day.”
I racked my brain, searching for another useful question, something we needed to know, something worth saying at all. I had made a list, at one point, but my brain had lost it, was turning up nothing.
You wanted to know what he wants. Now you know. Time to walk away.
“I’ll get in touch with you in—I’ll get in touch with you soon,” I said abruptly.
“Certainly,” he replied. “Looking forward to it.”
* * *
The conventional wisdom is that one should spend the early game seeking a strong position in the midgame, and then spend the midgame probing for opportunities that may be seized or exploited in the endgame.
I winced as the Yeerk drained out of my ear and back into Ax’s, a trickle of blood running down my jaw. Over in the corner, Marco was just finishing his own demorph, the last vestiges of mouse fur flattening and melting back into penny-dark skin.
“Ante, were you able to hear everything?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“And—Helium—the recording?”
‹As expected, Prince Jake. We have both a complete recording and a transcript.›
“Somebody fill in Garrett and Rachel. I’m going to try to think.”
We had tried our best not to be stupid. If there was some risk that Visser Three was—was like an Animorphs whisperer or something—if even just talking to him, even through the Marco-Edriss-Marco link, could put us at risk of getting mind-virused or brainwashed—
We’d had him talk directly to me, with Perdão in my head as a silent sanity backup, and Marco and Ax eavesdropping in mouse morph in my pockets. Ax had maintained a mental link to the computer, and to Ante—who Visser Three didn’t know well enough to specifically manipulate—while Rachel and Garrett had stayed completely cut off from all of it. Between their outside perspective—
—and as much as it stung to admit it, the fact that Rachel was currently kind of brain-damaged actually seemed like a plus when it came to not being vulnerable to clever wordplay—
—and Helium’s ability to see the whole conversation from two different angles, plus Marco being—well, Marco—
—with all of that, we’d figured we were about as buffered as we could get, without just completely refusing to talk at all.
Now, the only question was what to do about all of it.
‹Does he have any reason to lie about our cube being special?› asked Marco, once Garrett and Rachel had been brought up to speed and we had all—except Rachel—put on our morph armor. ‹I mean, what does he get out of that, if it’s not true?›
‹Garrett here. We’re less likely to destroy it, maybe? Like, even if it falls into the wrong hands? Over.›
‹If so, then maybe we should destroy it now.›
Ante, I was pretty sure.
‹Unless that’s exactly what he wants us to think,› I said wearily.
‹No,› said Helium, raising a hand. ‹We would already be unlikely to destroy the cube, so the Visser has little reason to try to cause us to feel reluctance. And if he wanted to strengthen our reluctance, there are certainly more reliable and less risky methods than reverse psychology, which could easily backfire.›
There was a pause, and Helium swept their stalk eyes in a slow circle around the bridge of the Bug fighter. ‹We should be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking that the Visser is omniscient. He is a dangerous and capable opponent, to be sure, but he is no Ellimist.›
‹Speaking of the Ellimist,› said Marco. ‹Anybody else picking up on the parallel? Like, if what the little troll Yoda told us is true—›
‹Yeah,› I said. ‹I see it.›
‹Garrett here. I don’t. Over.›
“Ellimist,” said Rachel.
I jumped.
I would have liked to believe it was because the rest of the conversation had been in thought-speak, and the sound of a suddenly spoken word was startling.
But some brutally honest part of me pointed out that it wasn’t just that—it wasn’t just the difference between silence and not-silence—
“Crayak,” Rachel continued. She held up one finger, as if asking us to give her time. Her other hand—
Marco was holding her other hand.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
You’ve been ignoring her, a quiet voice pointed out. You’ve been ignoring her, not thinking about her, the same way you’ve been not-thinking about Tobias, and Erek, and Tom—
So? answered a second voice.
Defensive much? murmured a third.
“They were fighting,” Rachel said. “En. Em. Eminem. Don’t like each other.”
I can’t keep track of all of it at once. There’s too much. I have to set some things aside if I’m going to deal with—with what needs to be dealt with—
Just saying, you seem real defensive for somebody who’s definitely not doing anything wrong, no sir—
“B-both of them can wreck everything. Could. So they agree—”
‹Garrett here. Got it, tha—›
“Let her finish.”
Garrett turned to look at Marco—tilted his head, a sort of clinically curious expression on his face.
“I like Rachel too, you know,” he said quietly.
“That’s not—”
“Enough,” I cut in. “We’re not doing this. Rachel—you have more?”
She shook her head.
“Cool. Thanks.”
‹Ante here. I still don’t understand. Over.›
‹Garrett here. Both Crayak and the Ellimist had the power to destroy everything the other one cared about, or most of it anyway. Neither had the ability to protect the stuff they cared about. So they could either destroy pretty much everything, or figure out some other way—›
‹Cold war.›
‹Yeah. They switched from hot to cold. Over.›
Cold war.
Visser Three had been trying to fight a cold war the whole time. Had gone with a quiet, covert infiltration rather than a direct invasion, had responded to the destruction of the pool with a boardwipe that would’ve gone under the radar if it hadn’t been for Tobias. Had only pulled the trigger on his bombs after Telor blew up his original body—
Are you seriously trying to talk yourself into him being the good guy, or something?
No. Of course not. Obviously. He hadn’t gone with cold war tactics for our benefit—it was because he’d wanted as much of the Earth as he could get his hands on, not just a smoking ruin.
But still. That meant that—
That—
That he’s—he’s credible, or something—
‹And now we’re being set up to reach the same sort of conclusion,› Marco said. ‹That we’d be better off cooperating and disarming, rather than going all out.›
‹Garrett here. Over, said Marco. Over.›
‹Jake here. Garrett and Marco. Same team. Knock it off, for real, over.›
There were ten or fifteen seconds of silence, in which I tried—
—and failed—
—not to think about Rachel, or Rachel-and-Marco, or how much I’d been not-thinking about Rachel and Rachel-and-Marco—
You do realize there’s a war on, right?
At this point, I wasn’t even sure which part of me had produced the thought, or which part of the rest of me the thought was aimed at.
‹Jake here,› I said. ‹Is it actually the wrong move, though? Cooperating, I mean. Or, like, not cooperating, but—doing the thing. Shifting the war back over to cold. Over.›
‹Helium here. Crayak and the Ellimist are playing their game for stakes. At least one of them is wrong to do so. Over.›
Another silence.
Playing the game only makes sense if you think you’re going to win, so—so if both of you think that, doesn’t it mean that one of you is just wrong?
Those were the words I had said to the avatar, back in the frozen hell of the Yeerk pool. And its answer—
Yes, Jake Berenson. One of us is wrong, and only time will tell which.
‹The difference being—sorry, Marco here—the difference being, they say they’re playing an actual game. Like, one that’ll have a clear winner, according to some rules. If we enter into a quote, game, unquote, with V3, it’s not going to be like a chess match. Over.›
‹Ante here. Is that an argument for, or against? Over.›
‹Neither. Just saying. Over.›
I wish I had a pen and some paper.
‹Jake here,› I said. ‹Possibilities. One, we stay hot. Two, we go cold and V3 betrays us. Three, we go cold and stay cold.›
“Four,” said Rachel. “We go cold and we. We but.”
‹We betray him,› said Marco.
“Yeah.”
‹Okay,› I said. ‹According to me, the difference is free humans. Like, number of surviving humans times how free those humans are. That’s what makes us pick between one, two, three, and four. Over.›
‹If we stay hot, that number is zero, right? We basically plan on glassing the planet?›
‹Yeah. Hot means we shut him down here, then head out of system to try to take down the rest of him.›
‹Which he’s scared of, by the way,› said Marco. ‹Everybody caught that bit, right?›
‹Helium here. Which he decided it would benefit him to appear to be scared of. Over.›
‹Garrett here. Do we not actually have what it takes to scare him? I mean, we do, don’t we? Over.›
‹Helium?›
‹Helium here. It is—not easy, to envision total warfare. Much depends on a large number of variables, such as how much of Quatazhinnikon’s work was lost in Telor’s strike. One would assume the Visser would have made accessible backups of everything he could, but—does he have the capacity to create quantum viruses for the relevant species? Perhaps even for specific individuals? Do we have the time and resources to put a Quatazhinnikon morph to good use, manufacturing viruses of our own, or perhaps nanotechnology, or new host bodies for defecting Yeerks? Certainly the incoming reinforcement fleet will give us access to enough Z-space motivators to destroy a hundred individual planets, but a true war of attrition might require that we manufacture many, many more, and meanwhile there is little to stop him from shifting his operations into Z-space itself—›
‹Marco here. That’s a yes, Garrett. Over.›
‹Helium here. It isn’t that simple—›
‹Jake here. It’s not yes, we can win, but it’s yes, we’re scary enough for him to bother trying to buy us off. That part at least is probably straightforward. The question is, are we for sale?›
There was a long silence.
‹Over. Sorry.›
I looked at Marco.
Marco looked at Helium.
Helium looked at everyone.
‹Don’t all jump in at once,› I grumbled.
‹Look—sorry, Marco here. Short version is, both of us do have what it takes to fuck up the other. He can kill Earth any time he wants. So can we. And we can take the fight to him out there in big space, too, and he knows it. Right? So why wouldn’t we agree to a cease-fire?›
‹Was that a rhetorical question?›
‹No. I feel like we’re getting jerked around again. Everything’s making too much sense. The blue box and like half a percent of half a percent of the people on Earth, in exchange for being left alone forever? Yes, please! If it’s that easy, why’s he been fighting us so hard this whole time?›
‹It’s not actually him who’s been fighting us,› I pointed out. ‹This is a clone.›
‹Yeah, I’m not buying that. We’ve been making perfect clones this whole time, and Visser Three fucks it up? He could’ve taken one of the captured morphers and literally made a morph clone.›
‹I’m not saying he messed up the clone. I’m saying—›
I faltered.
What are you saying?
‹I’m saying—Jesus—didn’t—didn’t dying—I dunno—change your perspective, a little? Like, didn’t it mean something, to wake up one day like oops, I guess the old me screwed up so bad he died?›
I didn’t have the memories, myself. But I remembered Marco’s memories. Remembered watching, from the outside, the first time I died.
‹You think Visser Three is turning over a new leaf?› Marco scoffed.
‹I think he recognizes that he got got, at least. He found out that if he sticks his neck out too far, he is vulnerable. That has to make a difference. Doesn’t it?›
‹Are you asking or are you telling?›
I looked at Marco, whose hand—the one that wasn’t holding Rachel’s—was gripping his other shoulder, as if he’d crossed his arms with just one arm.
I looked at Garrett, who was frowning off into a corner.
I looked at Ante, whose face gave nothing away, and Rachel, whose face was still twitching and trembling, though her eyes were bright and steady.
I looked at Helium.
I wish to consult your particular genius, the Visser had said. The human boy with the little black box.
Flattery, almost certainly.
But flattery worked best when it was true.
‹I’m telling,› I said.
‹Try again, buddy,› Marco whispered, and something in his tone told me that he had switched to private thought-speak.
I sighed.
‹I’m telling,› I repeated, my voice firmer this time. ‹I think it made a difference. Dying, I mean. Telor getting the upper hand. I don’t think it made him any nicer. I don’t think it made him any less dangerous. But I do think it brought him up short.›
‹Meaning what, for our purposes?›
‹Meaning that we should—we shouldn’t break off negotiations yet. We should see where this goes.›
‹You want to stall for time?›
‹He said he wanted to get a Leeran before we tried any real trades. And he knows we’re going after the fleet—›
‹Which sounded like a threat, if you ask me.›
‹He can’t be everywhere at once,› I said, exasperated. ‹And if he does move on the fleet, we can just blow the blue box—›
‹Which, again, maybe he told us about specifically so we’d think he gives a shit, when actually he doesn’t, just so we’d be overconfident going into this situation—›
“Marco,” said Rachel.
Marco broke off.
‹What?›
“Shhh.”
Marco glowered, but said nothing.
Wow, you two should’ve got together a long time ago—
I shoved the voice to the back of my head.
‹Helium here. Two points, Prince Jake. First, if we are stringing out the negotiation in part to stall for time, it is worth considering who benefits more from more time to prepare their next move, us or the Visser.›
I winced.
Okay, but getting the fleet—
If Marco wasn’t right, if it really wasn’t somehow a Visser Three trap.
—getting the fleet is a huge deal, even if it gives Visser Three breathing room it’s probably worth it overall to stall at least that long—
‹Second. In order to effectively stall for time, you must provide some new and relevant factor that prolongs the negotiation. Do we in fact have a counter-counteroffer? Over.›
‹Garrett here. Uh. Sorry, but—if he really just wants the box to hack into the god-computer—or like, even if that’s a lie that he has to keep telling to keep pretending that he wants peace—why don’t we just have him tell us how to do it, and have us do it for him? Like, if he’s actually not interested in doing anything to hurt us, or if he’s at least got to act like it—›
I turned to look at Marco just as Marco turned to look at me.
‹—I mean, he probably won’t agree to it but it’s the sort of thing that it makes sense that we would ask for, and it at least kind of seems reasonable—›
‹Marco here. Garrett for the goddamn win, over.›
‹Helium,› I said. ‹Would that actually work?›
‹Unclear, Prince Jake. We lack expertise that Alloran almost certainly has, and specific experience with the system that Esplin has developed over time. It may be that the functioning of the hypercomputer is time-sensitive in a fashion that rules out communication by relay. But it is at least possible that it might work, especially with Edriss’s cooperation, and certainly a reasonable alternative to propose rather than surrendering the cube entirely.›
‹Speaking of Edriss’s cooperation—›
‹She’ll cooperate,› Marco said grimly. ‹She wants to see Visser Three burn, but she wants to stay alive more, and all four Marcos have agreed that they’ll kick it if she stops helping.›
Well, I guess that takes care of that.
‹So where does that—›
I broke off, some quiet instinct pinging at the back of my attention.
No. Don’t ask.
Tell.
‹I mean, okay. Plan, version three-point-oh. Sideways movement, stalling for time. We ask about doing the hack for him rather than giving him the cube, look for ways to string out the negotiation. Meanwhile, we take the reinforcement fleet, but we don’t do anything aggressive with it.›
‹Helium here. We have some thoughts about that, Prince Jake, if you would like them after this conversation has concluded.›
‹Roger. Thanks.›
Spend the midgame probing for opportunities that may be seized or exploited in the endgame.
‹Questions,› I said. ‹Comments. Snide remarks.›
‹I still say this doesn’t count as a plan,› Marco muttered.
‹Is that a veto?›
‹No. But if this turns out to be a trap, and I get killed first, you’re all legally obligated to imagine me saying I told you so before you die.›
No one laughed.
I swept my gaze around the room. Rachel, Marco. Garrett. Helium. Ante. The same instinct that had pinged a moment before went off again, my little black box warning me that—
—something—
It’s not enough.
Not enough to go on, not enough to—to feel confident about.
Not a plan, as Marco had said. Not a plan, and it needed to be, or they would unravel. Would fall apart, dissolve into confusion and uncertainty.
They needed something to grab on to.
“They”?
Fine, whatever. We all needed something to grab on to.
I sucked in a breath.
“Marco’s right,” I said, that same quiet whisper nudging me to use my voice instead of thought-speak. “This isn’t a plan. But—”
I looked around the room again.
“It’s not supposed to be a plan. Not at this point. Plans are for when you know what’s going on, when you have time to think and prepare. We’re—that’s not the situation we’re in. Even more than usual, I mean.”
I was—reaching, feeling around, searching for a frame that would make it all make sense, make it all feel settled and—and possible. Manageable. Survivable.
Chess games—they are long, and complicated. Too long and too complicated for even the best grandmasters to embark upon a specific plan, at the outset—
Hey, brain, how about we not quote Visser Three right now.
“It would be dumb to pretend we had a plan,” I said bluntly. “That would be—it would just be us trying to make ourselves feel better. We shouldn’t feel great right now. We should—we should feel like things are out of control. They are. It’s right to feel—wobbly.”
Great speech you got going there, fearless leader—
Shut up.
“The thing is, we’ve got nothing to lose, at this point. All we can do is keep moving, keep looking for openings, keep the game going. That’s the real plan—stay alive, stay ready, don’t give up.”
I looked at Garrett, who was still staring off into space. At Ante, still stone-faced. At Marco—
“Bit derivative overall, to be honest. Kind of a Costco version of Winston Churchill, not enough Galaxy Quest in the mix. Two stars, but I’ll still watch the sequel when it comes out on Netflix. Or like whatever we have instead of Netflix once all this is over. Yeerktube. Visser Plus. I wanna say—HBO Go, but, like, Hork-Bajir something something? IDK, names are hard, we’ll have to get Terra to help us focus-group it—”
“Jesus Christ, Marco, stop.”
And somehow, that did it. Somehow, that was the last little bit that we needed, to make it click. Like one of those science videos where they drop a grain of rice or whatever into a glass of supercooled water, and the whole thing turns to ice in about three seconds. Rachel laughed, Garrett cracked a smile, Helium and Ante looked confused, and the quiet alarm in the back of my head fell silent.
‹Thanks,› I whispered.
‹Any time, Fearless Leader,› Marco whispered back. ‹For the record, though, your speech catalog could use some variety. Like if the next one was all about how we know what we’re here to do, we all know our jobs, as long as everybody does their part we’re going to come out victorious, that sort of thing. It’s cliché, but it’s been a while since we did one like that, and I bet it’d actually land pretty well with the audience.›
I felt my mind scrambling, trying to find the right response—
‹Well, that’s the plan, anyway,› I said.
‹Touché.›
* * *
‹Jake here. Everyone set? Over.›
‹Marco ready,› said Marco.
‹Helium ready,› said Helium.
‹Garrett ready,› said Garrett.
‹Ante ready,› said Ante.
‹Garrett here. Ante should go first next time. Over.›
There’s that trope where the villain is like endlessly frustrated by the incompetence of his minions who keep screwing up in really obvious, predictable ways—
‹Jake here. Helium, whenever you’re ready, over.›
‹Roger. Sixty seconds.›
As my mental shoulder Marco had pointed out, it could be a trap. But tropes exist for a reason.
The Yeerk reinforcement fleet had arrived.
It had gone straight to Europa—which, hilariously, we’d only been able to pinpoint thanks to Garrett having done a fifth grade science diorama on it, since the internet was down and neither the Bug fighter nor the Andalite cradle had things listed under their human names.
The fleet had not dispersed. It had stayed all clustered up.
Its sensors were active, but it hadn’t deployed any extra defenses. Their shields were up, but nothing else. They hadn’t even launched fighters, which meant that there were only twelve targets in total, rather than the hundred-or-so there would be once the larger carriers deployed their complements of smaller ships.
They were just sitting there, motionless, waiting for orders.
‹Thirty seconds. The cradle is almost in position.›
We were maybe five miles distant, ready to send out the takeover signal. We couldn’t see the fleet ourselves—they were cloaked, just like we were—but the cradle’s superior sensor suite could see everything, and Helium was still linked to its computer.
Linked, but not in total control—it was being piloted by Garrett, with Ante and Marco aboard as backup. Under Helium’s guidance, they were carefully maneuvering into position within regular thought-speak range of the flagship’s bridge, the idea being that if things went sideways, Garrett could maybe knock out the command crew and weaken the fleet’s overall response.
We’d done as much as we could to minimize the odds of that happening, although as much as we could wasn’t really all that much. Helium had done some tinkering to strengthen the Bug fighter’s cloak, and I’d stashed Magellan inside my own morph armor to prevent Edriss or Visser Three from somehow snooping our location.
By this point, the rest was down to luck. Luck, and whether or not the Visser had in fact gotten out some kind of warning, or was otherwise pulling strings on the situation.
‹Five seconds. Prepare.›
I leaned forward in my seat, eyes locked on the diagram Helium had projected onto the Bug fighter’s central display.
‹Commencing.›
There was no sound. No visible indication of progress. Just twelve red blobs in the center of the screen, and then—
Twelve blue blobs.
‹Success. All hangar bay doors closed and sealed, all Z-space drives in diagnostic loop. Dropping shields and cloaks now. Beginning repositioning. Prince Jake, you are up.›
I glanced at the visual display, which seconds earlier had shown only the scratched and scarred frozen surface of Europa. Now, twelve huge starships hung silhouetted against the white and blue, slowly drifting and turning as Helium brought the larger ships closer together and pointed the smaller support craft toward the central cluster.
‹Weapons armed. Opening channel. Garrett, stand by.›
There was a flash of static, and then the screen cleared—
“Sub-Visser Seventy-Four. My name is Jake Berenson, emissary of the human species and authorized agent of Edriss five-six-two, rank Visser One.”
We weren’t sure whether the Controllers aboard the reinforcement fleet spoke any human languages, but Helium and Edriss had assured us that the translators built into the comm system would be able to handle it.
“As of this moment, you are reassigned from the command of Esplin nine-four-double-six, rank Visser Three, and designated as special envoy to Earth, tasked with ensuring the establishment of peaceful relations between Yeerk and human, answerable only to Visser One and the Council of Thirteen. We have temporarily seized control of your vessel to ensure a smooth transition, but will return command to you once orders have been transferred and confirmed.”
On the screen, a half-dozen Hork-Bajir Controllers stood transfixed, jaws open, blades trembling in what I could only assume was shock.
“Please prepare a conference chamber to receive our delegation in one hour, and ensure that each coalescion under your command has a representative present. We are in possession of an Andalite morphing cube, and will be transferring the morphing power to each host present. Arrangements will be made during that meeting for further access to the cube, and for preliminary design and development of a new bioengineered host body that will allow for the eventual release of all involuntary hosts.”
Keep them off-balance, Edriss had said. Hork-Bajir hosts are not particularly intelligent, and Visser Three always valued obedience over initiative in his direct subordinates. If you can bluff your way past the first two minutes, they may not offer any resistance at all.
‹We have established docking fields between each of the four main pool ships,› Helium reported quietly. ‹Extending mechanical conduits now. They can no longer maneuver independently of one another.›
‹No problems?› I asked in thought-speak.
‹No visible resistance thus far. No evidence of any attempts to regain control, though we would not necessarily get any prior to it working.›
“Sub-Visser Seventy-Four,” I said, returning my attention back to the screen. “Do you have any questions for me before carrying out your orders?”
The central Hork-Bajir Controller began to speak, and it was easy to see the mismatch between the movements of its beak and the filtered, computerized words that came floating out of the comm system.
“Who are you?” the voice demanded. “Where is Visser Three? Who is the Andalite sitting beside—”
“As I have already stated, Sub-Visser, my name is Jake Berenson. You may refer to me as Emissary or sir, depending on the situation. The Andalite beside me is Helium, host to Perdão of the Terran pool, also serving as emissary. Visser Three is no longer in command of the Yeerk forces in this system. You are, unless you demonstrate an inability to carry out the orders given to you by your superiors, in which case we can easily find someone else to assume command. I believe Sub-Visser Ninety-Three is also aboard ship? Shall we summon them?”
There was a moment of visible panic, twisting indecision obvious even in the Hork-Bajir’s body language—
“No, Emissary! That will not be necessary.”
“Excellent,” I said smoothly. “Your work thus far has been exemplary, and we are glad to hear that you will continue to serve the Empire. You may expect a promotion of at least twenty-six ranks, if you conduct yourself well over the coming weeks.”
“Yes, Emissary! Thank you, Emissary!”
“We are returning control of your internal communications systems to you now. Please inform your subordinates of the situation, and advise the coalescions under your command to await further orders. I will transfer my authorization codes now.”
I twitched a finger in Helium’s direction, and a moment later he replied.
‹Codes sent. Awaiting confirmation.›
“Have you received my authorization, Sub-Visser?”
The Hork-Bajir Controller turned, seemed to listen to someone off-screen for a moment. I held my breath. If they had managed to catch wind of Visser One’s impeachment—but they hadn’t said anything so far—
“Yes, Emissary. Authorization received. Shall I prepare a docking bay?”
“No need,” I said, feeling the tension leak out of my shoulders. “We will select one ourselves, and board when the conference chamber is ready. Keep us appraised of your progress. Dismissed.”
“Yes, Emissary. Sub-Visser Seventy-Four, out.”
The screen went dark.
‹Okay, that was fucking amazing.›
‹You guys were watching?›
‹Yeah, Helium kept us looped in through the cradle’s comm system.›
‹No comments about it being too easy?›
‹I mean, it was too easy, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Malice versus stupidity, and all that. Besides, it’s not like we were going to be letting our guard down any time soon, anyway.›
‹Speaking of which, you guys ready for phase two?›
‹Garrett here. Yeah. Just let us know which hangar, and we’ll slip in right beside you. Or on top of you, actually, I guess. Over.›
On top of us, so that no wandering Controllers would accidentally run into the cloaked cradle and blow its cover.
Step one was to open up one of the hangars and maneuver one of the Bug fighters outside—a random one, so they wouldn’t have had a chance to specifically booby trap it. Garrett would bring the cradle alongside—still cloaked—and they’d dock with it, letting Marco transfer over.
After that, the plan was for us to slip aboard and then jump the whole cluster of ships out to an empty spot a few billion miles away from anything, and then jump just the ship that we were on another few billion miles again.
Then Ante and Garrett would morph insects, so that they could shadow me and Helium as we walked to the conference chamber. Between Garrett’s thoughtscream, the fact that Helium and I would be armed and wearing morph armor, Helium’s mental control of all of the ship’s systems, and Marco being completely isolated from all of it, we figured we could probably handle any surprises the Yeerks might throw at us, given that Visser Three himself probably wasn’t there and wasn’t directly running the show.
Of course, there’s that little thing in heist movies where if they explain the plan up front, you know it’s going to go wrong—
Shut up. That doesn’t apply when you’re thinking about the plan to yourself.
And even if it did—
Even if everything went wrong, and we were all trapped and couldn’t get out—
There would still be Marco, with at least one functioning hyperdrive. We weren’t going to put ourselves in their hands until that much had already been sorted out.
‹How about you, Fearless Leader? All set?›
I glanced over at Helium, who dipped his stalk eyes in the way of an Andalite nod.
‹I dunno about ‘set,’› I said—
Press your hand against the cube, Jake Berenson, and we shall see what fate thinks of a human child’s resolve.
‹But it’s now or never, and it's not going to be never.›
Chapter 62: Interlude 19
Chapter Text
The boy was careful as he unwrapped the small granola bar, peeling the thin foil back slowly and soundlessly so that it did not crinkle. Kneeling, he set the bar down on the cold, metal deck and reached into his pocket.
He had grabbed the twigs on impulse, on the small island off the coast of Brazil, along with an interesting nut and a handful of shiny rocks—grabbed them and tucked them away for who-knows-what, and only remembered them an hour or two before, when he’d done the math, added up the days and realized that today was the day, as near as he could tell.
It wasn’t easy, driving the slim slivers of wood into the dense, gooey bar. The mass of oats and fruit and peanut butter was firm, and several of the twigs bent, two of them snapping completely. By the time he added the twelfth, the bar itself was falling apart, and he had to smush it back together, which left half of them tilted and leaning.
But he got it in the end. Reaching into his other pocket, the boy pulled out the multitool, the small metal device that Helium had found for him in the ship’s stores. Twisting a dial on the side, he held the object in the way the alien had shown him and squeezed, kindling a tiny arc of electricity no bigger than a fingernail.
Slowly, methodically, he lit the twigs on fire, one by one. Three of them went out and had to be re-lit, and two of them had burned almost down to the bar by the time he got the last one to ignite, but it didn’t matter—all he needed was a few seconds, after all.
Bringing his face close, the boy squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a deep, deep breath.
“Please,” he whispered. “I wish Tobias is safe, and maybe that I get to see him again but if you have to pick then just safe is more important.”
Then the boy blew out the dozen tiny flames, plucked the burnt and twisted twigs from the misshapen mass of the granola bar, and popped it into his mouth. There was a long silence during which he quietly chewed, his face masklike, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular.
Then he stood, and turned, and left.
Chapter 63: Interlude 20
Chapter Text
So much had changed.
For nearly two thousand revolutions, Hyruk had been its chosen name. It had only vague recollections of the time before—there had been a pool, wide and shallow, nestled between the steep stone walls of an ancient, crumbling canyon. There had been a bloom of white fungus, turning the water alkaline, slowly strangling the life out of everything that lived beneath the surface. And there had been a lone, unlucky lopar, lost and delirious and thirsty.
It had passed out, poisoned by the tainted water—passed out and dropped beneath the surface, and Hyruk—then nameless—had broken off from the dying coalescion and possessed it. Had forced it to rise, and ridden it out into the desert.
For a timeless time, it had walked, that lopar with its rider—walked until its paws were raw and bleeding, until its eyes had dried and cracked and it had only sound and smell to guide it. Walked until the fugue had set in, and Hyruk—yet nameless—had all but given up hope.
And then—almost too late—there had been the faint scent of fresh water, the distant sound of polyps splashing in the shallows. Hyruk—still nameless—had spurred its host onward for one last sprint, riding the broken, dying body straight into the cool blue of the high mountain lake, where it had sunk below the surface.
Hyruk—who must have had some other name, some ancient name lost forever in the fog and confusion of the fugue—Hyruk had slid from the head of the lopar and heard the throb and thrum of its kin, followed the drifting ribbon of kandrona through the gentle water to the coalescion.
It was a young coalescion—a deepwater mind—had taken only bottom-dwellers for hosts, and had no concept of the wider world. Hyruk had joined it, shocked it, awed it—shared with it the bounty of its own memory and become, in that instant, its leader. More than that—Hyruk had become its soul, the ‘I’ of its identity.
It was on that day that Hyruk named itself, and lifted its new and vaster self from the deep, lurching upward into the shallows, waiting for its chance. It was dangerous, there, where the voxyn hunted—three times, it had to flee back into the depths, and once it was too slow and lost nearly a quarter of itself.
But before long, it had shards in half a dozen of the smaller shore-dwellers, and it used those to lure in medium-sized predators, and it used those to herd the larger frond-eaters into the water where they could be taken. Soon, Hyruk was the sole overlord of lake, forest, and field, with eyes and ears as much as a full suncycle’s journey away.
For a long, long time, life was good, and simple. But Hyruk was not satisfied—grew restless, reckless even. Something was missing, and it began to send its shards further and further afield—far enough that they could not return before the fugue took them. Dozens were lost to the wilderness, and then hundreds—so many that Hyruk began to shrink, its desperate wanderlust outstripping its natural growth.
And then—finally—a creature came over the horizon, one unlike any Hyruk had ever known—came and knelt in Hyruk’s water and let fall a shard from its ear. Thus did Hyruk learn of the Gedds, a poor, dumb species that stood half-upright on uneven legs, and of Ukqu, who lived in a thick, warm marsh at the very edge of the-distance-that-could-be-traveled. Ukqu, who had received one of Hyruk’s lost children, and sent a shard of its own in return.
Soon, the path between Hyruk and Ukqu was well-worn and hard-packed—and through Ukqu, Hyruk also took part in the sharing with Bontu, and Paruch, and Dair, and Nar Shadda. As time passed, Paruch found Momob and Jarpaea, and Bontu found Lukk, and the children of Dair discovered two new lakes and became Ghotal and Nathan, and as the seasons turned and the web between them grew and thickened, it came to seem that together their eyes watched over half the world.
But it was not half the world—was merely a small and distant corner, as they discovered on the day of horror, when the hosts of Dair crossed over the mountain path to Ghotal and found only death waiting for them. Ghotal had been murdered, scattered across the rocky shore—not Ghotal’s hosts, but Ghotal itself, the Yeerkflesh dragged out from the water and torn into a thousand shards, left to bake beneath the cruel sun. Only a handful survived the desperate journey back to the waters of Dair, and they were broken, insensible, their shattered memories explaining nothing.
Thus was Hyruk thrust into the great war, though as the most remote of its sharing, it had long to prepare before the fighting reached its shores. There were battles, and massacres—bright, shining moments of heroism and long, dark seasons full of tragedy and woe. It was a time of confusion and sacrifice, in which Yeerk coalescions perished by the dozens and Gedds by the thousands. At one point, Hyruk was even forced to leave the waters of its naming, stripping the forest bare of hosts and slinking away under cover of darkness to escape the oncoming slaughter.
Long, the fighting lasted—so long that the happy days before, which had once felt endless, shrank in comparison until they seemed a mere prelude. War was a curious thing, almost a disease—for after each battle, what was the victor to do, except to take into itself the shards of its defeated enemy? Without replenishment, even a victorious coalescion would be too far diminished—weakened and vulnerable.
And so Hyruk grew hard, and cold, and crafty, and with each victory harder and colder and craftier. It drank of violence, and dreamed of warcraft, and swelled with the knowledge of tactics and strategy and the rage and bloodlust of the fallen.
Yet still it remained Hyruk, deep in its innermost self. Still it remembered the long desert walk, and the miracle of the mountain lake, and the warm embrace of its kin—and the embracing, since of course it had been both sides of that fateful meeting. As it struggled to stay alive, so too did it struggle to stay alive—to shield within itself a remembrance of brighter times, happier times, a belief in that-which-had-value above and beyond mere self-preservation.
And in the end, even the most vicious of the aggressors began to tire of the butchery and betrayal, and eventually there came a day when none preferred battle to peace. A compact was struck, and all of the trembling survivors agreed—that no more would might make right; no more would the Yeerk people live under the constant threat of death by sudden violence. They would be ruled instead by a council of thirteen, and it would be those thirteen coalescions which would preside over questions of law and punishment, host and territory.
Thus it was that Hyruk was returned to its original home—although Bontu and Dair and Momob were gone, and Nathan had half-died and been reborn as Jur Hona. There followed an era of uneasy peace, and then easy peace as the council proved wise and true, and then finally warm, familiar comfort, as new coalescions were seeded in the gravepools of the ancient war and the days lengthened and shortened and lengthened again in the slow heartbeat of generations.
And Hyruk saw it, lived it, consumed it, enshrined it—
Sunrises, and sunsets, and green skies in between.
Warm days, and cold nights, and stormclouds full of lightning and thunder.
The taste of grass and the smell of peat, the chirping of insects and the grunting of animals and the whisper of wind through the rocks.
The thrill of movement, of power—the feel of muscles, of legs that walked and hands that grasped and teeth that gnashed and tore—of eyes that looked where you pointed them.
The pounding rush of the hunt—lived as both predator and prey—and the endless, glittering pleasure of mating in a thousand different bodies of a hundred different species.
And the sharing, of course—dreams of distant mountains, bone-white deserts, salted tide-pools and lush, fetid marshes—endless fragments of memory, copied and shared and relived over and over again.
All of this and more filled Hyruk’s mind, year in and year out, until the terror and trauma of the war began to fade. It even searched out the canyon—found the shallow pool of its previous life, scooped out the fungus and dug a channel that would bring fresh water, and left a child of its own where its predecessor had died—a child named Arkhos, to whom it left no memory of death and horror.
And then came the Andalites.
They were all unexpected, dropping suddenly out of the sky which, until that moment, had never been thought to hold anything besides the sun and the twelve moons. Yet it was in the nature of all who had survived those ancient days to be wary, and so a conspiracy was born. The Yeerks would hide their true forms, sending only a few clever, anonymous shards to interact with the strange newcomers—as had been done countless times during the war—and would learn as much as they could before taking any irreversible action.
Soon, the debate was in full swing, and swiftly as Yeerks measured things—scarcely would a courier shard have been absorbed before its host was reinfested and sent back with an answer. The council, which had hardly spoken at all for the last thirteen seasons, was sending out proclamations daily, sometimes twice a day.
Hyruk, of course, was not a council member, but it watched as all were watching, greedy for each new scrap of information. By chance, the Andalites had landed quite close to its mountain home—if things turned sour, it would need to be ready.
And sour they turned, when Cirran—acting alone! Unthinkable heresy!—murdered Seerow and captured Alloran, launching the second—and greater—war. With shocking speed, the other Andalites were routed or killed, the stolen ships mobilized and staffed, and a veritable flood of arcane knowledge unleashed upon the sharing. Metallurgy, rocketry, computer science, applied physics—almost overnight, the entire population of the planet was conscripted, converted, reeducated and repurposed. With the urgency of starving shards, the Yeerks sprang into action, wielding clumsy Gedd hands to erect refineries and factories, preparing pools of offspring to staff starships that had yet to be stolen or built.
Hyruk was called during the third wave, after Cirran and the Visser had repelled the Andalites’ initial counterattack and the first expeditionary force began sending back Naharan ships and hosts. The council had assigned it to the Visser’s personal fleet, and so it once again abandoned the waters of its naming, leaving behind only the barest sliver of itself in memoriam, carrying itself aboard the flagship in a hundred massive containers borne by three hundred Gedd hosts.
From there, it had been taken straight into the jaws of hell, on the cracked and broken slopes beneath the giant trees of the Hork-Bajir homeworld. The battle had been brief, but furious, and it was with pride that Hyruk accepted the Visser’s commendation for having lost the fewest of its shards relative to the grandeur of its accomplishments.
Yet along with the pride was uneasiness—an uneasiness which had begun with its contemplation of the Visser himself, and grown slowly deeper as Hyruk spread itself through its new Hork-Bajir hosts.
Something had changed.
It wasn’t the violence. That was as familiar as water itself, and the replacement of rocks and sticks with Bug fighters and Dracon beams meant as little as the changing of hosts—or at least, as little as the changing of hosts had meant.
For now—suddenly, as Hyruk measured time—the changing of hosts did matter.
Not merely as a marker of status—Hyruk and the others had always played games with the bodies they held in thrall, trading and displaying the sleekest and strongest of them in a subtle dance of favor and implication.
No, it was the very nature of the Yeerk-host relationship itself which had shifted.
Always before, Hyruk had been—
Alone was the closest it could come to describing it, although that wasn’t quite right. Every host it had ever taken had some degree of sentience—some ability to feel, some amount of will and desire.
But they were none of them sapient—not the fish and amphibians of the lake, nor the rodents and grazers of the fields, nor the climbers and chasers of the forest. Even the Gedds, which were occasionally clever enough to escape reinfestation, had no discernible, enduring sense of self, and would often wander mindlessly right back to the very waters they had fled from.
But the Hork-Bajir—
It wasn’t just that the Hork-Bajir did not want to be Controlled. That, too, was familiar.
Rather, it was that, once they were Controlled—
There was something there that Hyruk could not quite express, something that went beyond the concepts that had served it for the past two thousand revolutions. It was not only the newness of what was happening—it was also the unnerving nature of it.
The hosts—
The Controllers—
They were thinking.
Thinking for themselves, thinking as themselves—individual shards taking on a measure of independence that had previously been impossible, given the size and complexity of the hosts available on the homeworld. It was a problem Hyruk had utterly failed to anticipate—a problem none of them had anticipated, or things would surely have gone differently between Cirran and Alloran.
Always before, there had been a simple loop, a clear division of duty. It was the role of shards to gather information—to see and hear and experience, and to bring those experiences back to the pool. It was the role of the coalescion to think and decide, acting in the best interest of the whole. Shards acted, yes, but under heavy constraint. They were appendages, more or less, carrying out limited tasks at the direction of the central mind—each shard was like a stone rolled down a steep hill, released just so such that its natural momentum would cause it to tumble to its intended target.
There was an art to it, an art which Hyruk had mastered during the war years—to understand the nature of one’s hosts, and impart one’s shards with just the right properties to achieve a semblance of coordination and strategy, despite the unavoidable lag and the shards’ inherent idiocy. Whole battles had been won or lost on the basis of a handful of hosts improperly aimed.
Now, though, the waters were muddied, the barrier blurred. There were decisions being made outside of the pool—more and more of them, as the larger-brained hosts became an ever-greater share of the empire’s population, and a correspondingly greater share of each coalescion’s mental power lived beyond the immediacy of the sharing. More and more of them, as the fast-paced realities of space combat demanded ever-greater autonomy on the part of hosts that needed to be able to respond in the moment, without dependence on—or oversight from—the central mind.
It was a door which, once opened, could not be closed again—Hyruk could not, after all, afford to put any less power into each host’s brain, and thereby risk revolt, and it could not simply shed the unruly hosts, either. The ship which carried it—the systems upon which its survival depended—without Naharan ingenuity and Hork-Bajir dexterity, Hyruk would be unable to fly the starship, let alone wield it in combat or repair it afterward.
And so the trend continued, with more and more decisions being made by entities which Hyruk had once considered its mere fingers and toes, and those decisions themselves tending to concentrate yet more power in the newly developing society of sapient shards.
It might have spiraled out completely, were it not for the fact that every shard was born with a time limit, and had to return to the sharing to feed. Hyruk—the central Hyruk—yet retained the final say, the power to edit and erase, to sculpt and curate.
Even there, though, things were less solid than they once had been. For one, the Visser himself had never returned to the sharing, and his embodiment of the fact that it was at least possible for a shard to gain true independence was a deep crack in the walls of tradition.
For another, insofar as there was a single, persistent identity whose name was Hyruk, it was, to a very real extent, nothing more than the total combined experiences of its constituent shards, and those experiences’ reflections upon themselves. There was inertia there—the inertia of two thousand revolutions of uninterrupted continuity—but new experiences were piling up, and they were piling up quickly. Already, Hyruk had seen and done more in the past two revolutions than in the previous two hundred, and what’s more, it was growing. With each new cycle of infestation and reintegration, the share of its experience drawn from this new way of life grew larger, such that it could feel its own reluctance shrinking, its hesitation fading—and this despite knowing that that was why, despite knowing that here was a process which would produce exactly such a shift in values regardless of whether it was correct in truth.
It was nightmarish, horrifying—like watching oneself slowly dissolving away in acid. Worse—like watching oneself dissolve while simultaneously witnessing the birth of an uncanny doppelganger. Hyruk had seen coalescions torn apart by decree of the council of thirteen—torn apart and redistributed, their memories and personalities shattered and absorbed by other pools—and this—
This was worse.
Worse, because it was not simply Hyruk’s own end which was drawing ever closer, but the end of its kind—of its entire way of life. It was the birth of a new species—the replacement of its species with a new form of life, one whose sense of self lay not in the quiet contemplative calm of the depths, but in the bright frenetic chaos of the immediate world.
It was these thoughts and others like it which were interrupted by the news—news which arrived in the form of a courier from the bridge, whose memories Hyruk relived with a combination of rising dismay and numb resignation.
They had arrived—finally—at their destination.
They had been approached by a delegation from the target planet—a delegation containing an Andalite Controller and bearing confirmation codes identifying them as agents of Visser One.
That delegation had—somehow—seized total control of all fleet functions.
They had convened a negotiation.
They had given each of the hosts present the morphing power.
They had given half of the shards present the morphing power.
They had allowed Sub-Visser Seventy-Four’s host to acquire the pattern of a particular Arn who—they claimed—had memories which would let them breed custom host bodies with no underlying personality—host bodies which would also generate their own kandrona.
There was more—much more—but Hyruk could look no further, think no further—physically unstuck itself from the courier Yeerk so that the memories would cease to flow while it processed what it had seen.
It wasn’t just that the Sub-Visser and the other first officers had conducted the meeting on their own, without reference to the forty-three coalescions aboard the various ships, in keeping with Hyruk’s fears.
It wasn’t just that kandrona-producing hosts would continue—would almost certainly accelerate—the slow fragmentation that the war had set in motion.
It wasn’t even the idea—insinuated by the delegation rather than stated outright—that they were now at war with Visser Three.
No, what captured Hyruk’s attention—
—its spare attention—
—what little attention it had left, to look at what the rest of its mind was doing—
—what captured Hyruk’s attention was the sheer magnitude of its own excitement, and the way in which that excitement was sweeping before it all the rest of its hesitations and concerns. The way in which its excitement overrode—had overridden—was even now still overriding the existential questions which had fully consumed it mere moments before. It could see the shift in its perspective, its priorities, and even as it knew that something had gone awry, it could see that it could not truly bring itself to care.
And even that produced only a flicker of unease.
Chapter 64: Chapter 43: Rachel
Notes:
All right. Sorry for the delay; there have been power outages lasting long enough to make writing with a computer impossible. Next update still planned for 2-3 weeks, no long hiatus in sight.
First order of business: if you like this story, please drop me a comment or review, either here or over at r/rational! Your feedback keeps me going, and now that we're in the home stretch it helps more than ever.
Second order of business: we're in the home stretch! I believe there are seven chapters left, plus any number of interludes and maybe an epilogue. Possibly as many as eight or nine if I miscounted, but This Is It.
Third order of business: speaking of which, IF YOU HAVE BEEN A REGULAR COMMENTER, or if you POURED YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO A COMMENT ONE TIME, or if you CONTRIBUTED TO THE CROWDSOURCED CHAPTERS, and you would like a cameo in the story, the next chapter is going to be the chapter with all remaining cameos, so just remind me of who you are in a review or in a comment on r/rational. I know and remember many of you, but I don't want to try to collect everyone's names myself and accidentally leave someone out, so just—just tell me "Hi, please put somebody with [name] in the chapter, thx." Honor system; you can also donate your cameo.
That should do it. Hope you enjoy; the next few chapters are going to come at us all pretty hard.
Chapter Text
I drew my arm back.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
Marco went rigid—eyes wide, not even breathing.
I twitched—on purpose, for once—and he almost fell for it, giving a quick, abortive jerk before settling back into readiness.
“Go get it,” I said, swinging my arm forward.
It wasn’t a very good throw. My aim was off, and I couldn’t quite get my fingers to let go at the right moment, so the balled-up pair of socks hit the deck almost immediately, rolling rather than flying across the empty cargo hold.
But Marco was handicapped, too, slipping and scrabbling on the smooth metal floor, running in place like a cartoon character before he managed to get traction, and then sliding right past the socks and into the wall—
—just as the door slid open beside him.
Ja—
Jo—
My cousin did a triple take, his eyes darting back and forth between me, Marco, and the pair of socks before his face fell back into the same—
The same—
Dammit.
That thing, where you put something on your face to look a different way, like at Halloween, or to rob a bank, or—
Whatever.
His face switched back to look the way it almost always looked, these days.
“Heard you were —— better,” he said softly.
He stepped into the room, the door hissing shut behind him, then took one more step to the side and pressed his back against the wall, sliding down until his eyes were only a little bit higher than mine.
“A bit,” I said, taking a guess at the missing word. Or—well—not missing, exactly. I’d heard it. My brain just didn’t know what to do with it.
Marco came padding over, the socks held tight in his mouth, his nails making little clicking sounds against the deck. I leaned back, clumsily patting my thighs, and he hopped up into my lap and turned around, gently depositing the socks in the space between my shins.
“Where’d —— even get a Corgi —— ?” my cousin murmured.
‹Madagascar,› Marco said. ‹Before you woke up.›
I tried to scratch between his ears, but my fingers still weren’t really cooperating. Looking back at me, he rolled over, and my hand sort of ended up awkwardly patting his chest and belly instead.
My cousin’s face—
Mask!
Mask. Mask was the word I’d been looking for.
My cousin’s face did a few things, and I felt myself sort of ramping up, getting ready to be defensive—felt Marco’s body tense a little bit under my hand—
But he didn’t say anything. Just sat there, shoulders slumped, eyes unfocused, looking at Marco without really looking at him.
Time passed.
I leaned forward and picked up the socks. “Stay,” I whispered, pressing my other hand down on Marco’s suddenly-alert form.
Cocking my arm, I took careful aim—
‹Lol, nice shot.›
The socks had gone where I wanted them to, this time, hitting my cousin squarely between the eyes before tumbling to the floor.
He tried.
I could see him try.
But he couldn’t quite stop the grin from spreading across his face.
“Hey, buddy,” he said, reaching over to pick up the soft black shape. “You want this?”
‹Yes,› said Marco, back on all fours, legs trembling. ‹Obviously.›
My cousin’s arm swung, and Marco scrabble-scrambled into motion—
‹Oh, COME ON—›
The pair of socks flew in the opposite direction, toward the other end of the cargo hold.
“Psych,” said my cousin.
It took Marco a full five seconds to slow down and reverse direction, and when he finally got to the other side of the room he ran into the wall again—
We didn’t play fetch for long. Two minutes, maybe. Maybe three. There was a war on, after all.
But it was a good three minutes. Three minutes in which my cousin and I couldn’t stop laughing, three minutes that ended with him leaning against me and Marco stretched out on his back across both of our laps, with my hand patting his belly and my cousin scratching idly under his chin.
“Wish I still had my Homer morph,” he said.
It was the sort of thing that might have broken the spell. But somehow it didn’t. It didn’t come across as sad, or self-pitying, or anything like that. It was just—
True.
Marco tilted his head back—
“Eugh,” my cousin said, snapping his hand away and wiping the saliva on his pants. He made like he was going to grab Marco’s snout, and Marco sort of dodged and nipped, and there was another minute or so of play-fighting before the pair of them flopped to the deck.
“What’s —— ?” my cousin asked.
‹Monty.›
A few seconds ticked by. My cousin rolled over and stretched out flat on his back, closing his eyes, his fingers still laced through Marco’s fur.
“Can I acquire him?”
‹Sure.›
I watched as Marco’s panting slowed and his own eyes fluttered shut.
“—— morphing again yet?”
There was a pause.
“Rachel?”
I blinked. “Huh?”
‹He asked if you’ve tried morphing again yet.›
I flushed.
“No. Sorry.”
My cousin’s eyes were still closed, his hands tracing lazy circles between Marco’s shoulder blades. “You going to?”
“Donut.”
I winced.
“Ssssorry,” I said. “Don—donu—I don’t know.”
His eyes opened, and he sort of tilted his head back, looking at me upside-down from his spot on the floor. “You scared?” he asked.
I glanced at Marco, who was doing that thing Corgis do where they look real—
Dammit.
It started with a ‘c.’
Cworried.
Canxious.
Connnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndition, traction, gradulation, sideration.
“Yeah,” I said.
I was less scared than I had been, but that wasn’t saying much.
The first day after—after it, whatever it was—
That first day had felt like it lasted a month. I hadn’t been able to talk, hadn’t been able to think—had only barely even been able to see and hear and feel. It was like my mind had been disconnected from itself—like everything I’d learned as an infant had been erased, and my brain was starting over from scratch. It had all been one giant pile of sensation—colors without shapes, sounds without meaning, muscles twitching at random, all of the signals from every nerve in my body feeling like they were coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. I’d been too disoriented to even feel frightened, at first—to feel anything as clear and specific and digestible as “frightened.” There’d just been a wild, animal sort of panic, and an underlying d—
D—
No, not ‘dead.’
Dead?
Read?
Dread.
An underlying dread, D-R-E-A-D, dread—that maybe this was it, that maybe it was going to be like this forever. That the pieces of me were never going to come back together again. I hadn’t been able to think that, in words, but I’d felt it all the same—that nightmare feeling, like I was constantly drowning.
Eventually, the fog had started to lift, and things had started falling back into place. But words were still hard, and every muscle had to be moved on purpose, deliberately—even for stuff like talking or walking. And as for memories—
It wasn’t amnesia. Not exactly. It was more like—
Like the contents of my memory had all been dumped into one big bucket. Like a pile of LEGO, with no order or structure. I could sweep my hand through it, and turn up a random mix of things, but I couldn’t call up anything specific without rooting for it first, couldn’t really remember things on purpose. Even recent stuff, stuff since it happened—I was pretty sure Garrett had explained what was going on like five or six times, but none of it had really stuck. It sort of—faded, in and out. It was like—like a movie that had played in the background while I was doing my chores, or the plot of a book I hadn’t read in years and years. I had the gist of it—mostly—probably some of it was wrong—and as for the details—
I blinked.
There was a dog in my lap—a dog with its paws on my chest, licking my face.
Marco.
That was another thing. It was so easy to get lost, now—to get distracted, lose the thread. I could hold it together if I actively tried, but it was like holding a planche in gymnastics, and sooner or later I either lost focus or just ran out of energy. I hadn’t noticed Marco coming over, hadn’t felt him climbing onto my lap. I wasn’t sure if my cousin had said anything else.
And worse—
I wasn’t sure where I’d been, during the gap. It wasn’t like daydreaming, where instead of paying attention you’re thinking about something else—some specific other thing. It was more like my mind was a cell phone signal that kept cutting in and out. I kept—kept waking up, it felt like, usually after just a minute or two but sometimes—
—terrifyingly—
—after hours. Whole hours in which I had no clue where I’d been, no idea what I’d been doing or what had been going on.
I wrapped my arms around Marco, pulling him in close to my chest, burying my face in his soft, warm fur.
Yeah, I was scared.
Marco—I couldn’t remember Marco. Not really. Not reliably. Sometimes just flashes, fragments. Different ones every time. A word, a phrase, a quick flicker of facial expression. Some of them felt like they might not even be real. Memories of his voice in my head, memories that might have been thought-speak but were probably just my own imagination.
But I knew—
On some deep and utterly fearless level, with a confidence too strong for words—
I knew that this person had my back.
I knew what he was made of.
I knew, when he was in a room—
Not that I was safe, exactly. None of us were safe anymore. That deep part of me knew that, too, even if I couldn’t always remember exactly why.
But with Marco—with my cousin—with the little boy—
Garrett.
—with Cassie—
—with that quiet kid from school whose name I couldn’t remember, the one with the dark look in his eyes, the one who was always hanging around Jake—
Jake!
My cousin’s name was Jake.
I felt a twinge of horror at the thought that I might not remember that, next time I woke up. And then a deeper twinge, at what I might have forgotten this time, forgotten without even realizing I didn’t know—
It wasn’t any less scary, being so out-of-control inside my own head. But at least I wasn’t alone, the way I had been in those first heart-stopping hours. Jake—
Jake.
—Jake and Marco and Garrett and Cassie and—and the new boy, too, the one who spoke English with a funny accent—and the alien, the scorpion alien with the sad eyes—
They were solid. Solid and real and unchanging, even as the rest of the world spun dizzily around me. Like when I was little and I’d had a nightmare and I’d run into my parents’ bedroom. As long as one of them was in the room, I knew that I didn’t have to—to—to keep track of all of it. To try to make my broken brain hold together, try to stay on top of everything, make sure I understood what was happening. With them around, I could let it go, let it go and fall apart and know that there was someone else whose eyes were open.
I needed that now.
I heard the soft sound of sliding fabric and opened my eyes to see J—
Ch—
Oh, god, no—
—to see my cousin, I might not know his name but I knew he was my cousin—
—he was sitting up, scooting closer. He leaned forward, falling onto all fours, and crawled to a spot right next to me, settling in, leaning back against the same wall that I was leaning against, his shoulder pressed into mine.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
I shrugged—carefully, purposefully, diverting my attention away from the dog/boy in my lap and consciously tightening the muscles that would raise my shoulders. “It’s okay,” I said. “Bigger—”
Fish—to fly?
Wish to fly.
No, fish to—
“Lots of stuff happing on,” I finished.
He sighed heavily. “Yeah,” he said.
‹Speaking of which, how’d it go with Livingstone?›
“He was right where —— said he’d be, and we didn’t see any —— of Visser Three. At this point, if Edriss is lying, or he can somehow spy through —— not doing much with it.”
‹So he’s on his way, then?›
“Yeah. Helium was —— the whole time, didn’t turn over control of —— fighter until it was already an hour deep into the rift. No hiccups.”
‹Long time to be on a ship by yourself.›
“—— exactly alone, though, is he?”
Only one of the names meant anything at all to me—Visser Three—and I could feel myself fraying again, dissolving, feel the fog creeping in around the edges. For a moment, I considered resisting, putting forth the effort to hold myself together, force myself to focus, but—
Static.
I came awake again, unsure whether I had been gone for seconds or minutes, my only clue the beginnings of pins-and-needles in one foot. I shifted my weight, and the dog—Marco—looked up at me, his expression concerned—
Concerned, there you go.
Progress.
I reached down and scratched between his ears, moving each finger with deliberate effort.
“—not exactly stupid—”
I jumped, and the voice cut off.
“Rachel?”
‹She gets like that sometimes. Suddenly notices that you’re talking, like you jumped out from behind a corner. It’s fine, she’s fine, we’re all fine. Rachel? It’s me, Marco. It’s just you and me and Jake, and everything’s fine. Okay?›
I reached down and scratched between his ears, moving each finger with deliberate effort.
‹Just keep talking. No need to make a big deal about it. Not much we can do, anyway.›
“Well, anyway, it’s not that they’re stupid, exactly, but it’s like—like they’re a bunch of eight-year-olds, or something? It’s weird.”
‹I mean, we were expecting that, right?›
“Maybe you were.”
‹Okay, fair, not like expecting expecting, but it makes sense with what we know about Yeerks and stuff. I mean, Hork-Bajir aren’t exactly the brightest bunch to begin with, and these Gedds are even worse—›
“Yeah, but I’m not —— it’ll mean once the —— start catching up. Like, at some point, they’re going to have opinions about all this, right?”
‹What does Perdão have to say?›
Drifting—
Static.
I came awake again. Marco was no longer in my lap—was pacing, humanlike, the look on his dog face oddly and adorably determined.
‹—between this and the Mediterranean, we just don’t have enough people. Like, we could send that Ante kid, but who knows if he can actually handle himself? And I don’t feel super great about the idea of leaving Helium here without backup.›
“Helium —— bridge, Garrett in the —— as —— in case—”
‹We could shift Helium back to the cradle, maybe?›
“Yeah, but we need someone —— to keep the eight-year-olds in line. Like, some visible —— figure.”
‹We could go grab Cousteau out of Germany.›
“Seems good —— least one of the V1 Marcos on Earth —— it? Plus now Visser Three has ——”
Drifting—
Static.
I came awake, and the only thing that prevented me from screaming was the fact that I had forgotten how—
‹Rachel! Rachel, it’s fine, it’s me, Marco, I’m the dog, that’s Jake right there—›
Static.
I floated from moment to moment, like a rock skipping across a p—
Across a—
A la—
A str—
Water.
Like a rock skipping across calm water, touching down for a moment before drifting off again. I understood everything I heard on the level of words and sentences, but none of it meant anything—none of it hooked up to any sort of deeper understanding, like listening to the grownups talk at Thanksgiving and Christmas when I was little.
I came awake to the feel of a hand holding mine.
I came awake to the sound of two human voices, both familiar, in a strange metal room I didn’t recognize.
I came awake lucid, remembering almost everything, knowing that it wouldn’t last, that soon it would all dissolve away again.
I came awake to the feel of a dog on my lap, and somehow I knew that the dog was Marco, and somehow I knew that sometimes I didn’t know it was Marco.
I came awake—
“—in touch with Tyagi, there’s two hundred thousand Visser Three Controllers down there now—”
‹Oh, right, that reminds me—did he say anything about how he’s doing that?›
“Kind of? I mean, he said that he’d used some of Quat’s tech to —— some creature he found —— can’t remember the exact word. Fungal? Fungus-ible? Some kind of shared memory, not like a hive-mind but like all of —— into the same Google doc—”
Static.
I came awake—
“I get it, okay?” Marco said quietly. “You—you’ve got to focus on the tactical stuff, there’s —— anything if we don’t stay on top of the —— and you can’t keep us on top of the —— we keep moving the goalposts. Makes sense. —— Crayak, and the —— not to mention the —— I just—look, just know that I’m going to keep thinking about this, okay? Like, at some —— might have a real strong opinion about —— even if it’s a hard one-eighty, okay? Just a heads-up.”
Static.
I came awake—
‹—can hear me but I’m just going to keep talking until you wake up, it’s me, it’s Marco, I’m right here, you’re fine, Jake was here too but he just left but he’s fine, too—›
I reached up to touch the hand that was resting on my shoulder.
‹Hey,› said Marco.
In thought-speak, even though he was in his own body, because—
Because—
‹You’ve been having trouble with voices so I thought this might be better.›
I looked around the room—
‹We’re on a Bug fighter. You had—uh—you had an accident. But it’s okay, you’ve been getting better, you’re just a little disoriented right after you wake up sometimes. We’re here, we’ve got you, you’re—uh—you’re pretty safe, I mean let’s be real, the bar for what can reasonably be described as safe has been dropped pretty low—›
I squeezed.
‹Sorry. Hi. Hello.›
I opened my mouth—
‹Take your time.›
I formed the sounds slowly, painstakingly.
“Marco?”
‹Polo.›
I blinked.
I smiled.
‹There she is.›
I put my hands against the cold metal floor and pushed myself up into a sitting position.
“Bug fighter?” I said.
‹Yeah. We took control of it. The—er, okay, actually, I hate to grab the wheel but I’m going to run through some words real quick, see where you are. Is that okay?›
I moved my head up and down.
‹Just—uh—make like a hum sound if you know the word, okay?›
I moved my head up and down again.
‹Okay, easy does it. Jake.›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Cassie.›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Tobias.›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Yeerk.›
I stiffened. “Mmmmmm.”
‹Andalite.›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Visser Three.›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Okay—sorry, hang on, trying to remember how we did this last time—oh, right. Chee? Erek the Chee?›
“Mmmmmm.”
‹Okay, how about David?›
“What do I say for ‘no’?”
‹Uh. How about ‘no’?›
“No.”
‹Hmm. Ante?›
“Auntie?”
‹No. Ante, A-N-T-E. Tall, dark, and handsome.›
“Yes. I mean, ‘mmmmmm.’”
‹Talking is easy?›
“No. But I can do it.”
‹Okay. I’m going to keep doing thought-speak, okay?›
“Okay.”
‹Do you remember Finland?›
I thought for a minute—
“I remember—I remember—a school?”
‹A school in Finland?›
“They had—I think they were making—bombs?”
‹Uh. I don’t know anything about that. But—no, yeah, actually, that makes perfect sense. Explains a lot about our newest recruit, not to mention your deep and mysterious bond.›
“What?”
‹Never mind. Look, you seem to be doing okay. Do you—what do you know about what happened to you?›
I felt myself bite my lip—not on purpose, just the sort of reflexive movement that I must have done a thousand times before.
“I know—”
I paused. What did I know?
“I had—a stroke?”
‹Or something like it. We haven’t been able to get you to a hospital yet. Do you remember waking—er, scratch that. What’s the first thing you remember since it happened? Like, do you remember who found you?›
I tried to pull up the memory, but it was like dragging a branch through a hedge—
‹Don’t worry about it. Do you remember Garrett and Ante finding you?›
Garrett and Ante—
“The cube,” I said. “Something about the cube—”
‹Don’t worry, we have it. Do you remember what caused it?›
“No.”
‹Okay. Morphing. Do you remember morphing?›
“Yeah.”
‹Something was—something went wrong with your morphing.›
“I remember that.”
‹You do?›
I didn’t, actually. But I remembered the injunction, smeared across my brain in bright red letters—DO NOT MORPH.
“I remember I’m not opposed to. Opposed. Knots. Knots opposed—”
‹I got it, don’t worry. Do you remem—whoa, whoa, heyheyhey, relax, it’s fine, you’re okay—›
My body had begun to slide, and when I moved to brace myself it had begun to twitch and convulse. I could feel Marco’s hands on my upper arms, a deep, reassuring pressure.
‹Relax, it’s fine, it’s—hey, Rachel, you can let go, okay? I’ve got you, you’re safe, you don’t have to hold it together, you can just—›
Static.
* * *
I came awake knowing, this time. Not knowing everything, but knowing who I was, and where I was, and most of what had happened.
My name was Rachel. I was on board a captured Bug fighter, with—with my cousin and his best friend and—a couple of other people, maybe, unless they were off on other ships. We had taken over a Yeerk fleet, and we were heading back to Earth to do—something—
“I’ll be fine,” I said, pushing myself up to a sitting position.
‹Are you sure?› he asked nervously.
Marco. His name is Marco.
“Yeah. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
‹You wake up by yourself, freak out, morph into a grizzly bear, and try to kill all of us when we come back.›
“Do I even have a grizzly bear morph?”
‹Yes, thanks to a supreme lack of judgment on Ante’s part, and me being stupid enough to think it wouldn’t be a problem to give one to him. We don’t let him in here anymore.›
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
“Listen,” I said, forming the words one at a time. “I know that I—I know I have good hours and bad hours. This—this feels like a good hour. I don’t think I’m going to—to fog out any time soon.”
‹Okay, but if you do, just—gah. I wish there was some way to leave a message that you’d actually get—›
“You could write something on the wall.”
‹Tried it. Not foolproof. Uh. You, uh. Sometimes you can’t read.›
I blinked.
“I’m fine,” I repeated. “You said Garrett will be here in half an hour anyway, right? I can hold it together for that long, can’t I?”
Marco made a face, and somehow I knew it was a face I hadn’t seen very many times before—the kind of face he mostly only made out loud when he was by himself.
“Marco. I’m fine.”
It wasn’t true, of course. I wasn’t fine.
But I was fine enough to not need literally constant babysitting.
‹Okay,› he said finally, still looking uneasy. ‹Okay, fine. I’m going to go. I’m going to go, and you’re going to stay here, and it’s all going to be—›
“Fine.”
‹Fine. Right. Sure. I’m going to go ahead and stay in touch with you until I’m out of thought-speak range, okay?›
I felt my lip twitch upward. “Okay,” I said. “Grandma.”
He sighed.
Looked around the room.
Looked back at me, an oddly intense light kindling in his eyes.
“Squeeds?” he asked, in regular speech.
What?
I frowned—
“Never mind. See you later, warrior princess.”
He turned to leave—
“Wait!” I blurted.
I remembered. It had taken an extra couple of seconds, but I remembered.
“Smoots,” I said back, feeling a rush of warmth in the center of my chest, heat and happiness and embarrassment all rolled up into one.
Marco turned back to face me, a bright, childish grin smeared all across his face. Spreading his arms wide, he closed the distance and wrapped me up in a hug, the side of his head pressed into my breastbone.
“Squeeds,” he repeated, giving me a tight squeeze.
It was a password—a password Marco had invented to make sure that I was really me—that I was enough there to remember that we—
That he and I—
“Smoots,” I whispered, and planted a gentle kiss on the top of his head.
‹All right, all right,› he grumbled. ‹No need to get sentimental.›
But his arms stayed wrapped tight around my ribs.
I laughed, and he looked up at me. ‹Tell me the plan again? Please?›
“Garrett will be here in half an hour. All I have to do is stay here and not freak out.”
‹Sorry again about the awkward gap,› he said. ‹But Garrett got held up and we’re a little short-handed right now—›
I felt a stab of guilt—
‹—which you should absolutely not feel guilty about in any way, shape, or form, you’re a goddamn purple heart in recovery and it’s not your fault. We’ll have you back punching aliens in no time, okay?›
“Okay,” I said. I felt a sudden urge to ruffle his hair—
‹Fuck off, Fridwulfa,› he said blithely, jerking back out of reach.
“I don’t know who that is.”
‹And you never will.›
He winked, flashed another grin, and spun on his heel, darting for the door. It slid shut behind him, and then I was alone.
‹Good morning!›
I couldn’t help it. I yelped. I had forgotten that he’d said he was going to stay in touch via thought-speak—
‹Good morning.›
I leaned back against the cold metal wall and slid downward until I was sitting on the floor.
‹In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world—›
So, you and Marco, huh?
‹—and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.›
Looks that way.
‹Mankind—that word should have new meaning for us today.›
He’s kind of a dork, no?
‹We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore.›
Well, you’re kind of brain-damaged, so—
‹We must be united in our common interest.›
You weren’t brain-damaged back when you were morphing into his body every other night—
‹Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom.›
I took a deep breath.
Not right now.
‹Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation.›
I looked around the room.
Half an hour.
I had half an hour before Garrett would arrive. It was the first time they’d left me alone since—since it had happened.
‹We’re fighting for our right to live. To exist.›
Now or never.
‹And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday—›
I had been forming a plan—in fragments, piecemeal, in little stolen moments of lucidity. Moments which I had access to now, moments which would no doubt leak in and out of my brain a dozen times over the next few days. But right now, I was holding it together.
‹—but as the day when the world declared in one voice—we will not go quietly into the night!›
I took another deep breath.
‹We will not vanish without a fight!›
There were parts of me that knew—that acknowledged—that what I was about to do was wrong, and dumb, and risky.
‹We’re going to live on.›
There were other parts of me that might have tried to argue back—to convince myself that it wasn’t all of those things.
‹We’re going to survive.›
But somewhere in the ragged mess of memory, I had grown a little. Matured, a little. I didn’t know exactly when, couldn’t remember the exact details of every mistake that I’d made, every lesson I’d learned. But I knew enough not to shout down that voice of caution and reason. Knew to listen to it, take it seriously, heed its warnings—
And then do the right thing anyway.
‹Today, we celebrate our indep—›
The voice cut out as whatever craft Marco was riding on moved out of thought-speak range.
I took a third deep breath.
The thing was—
The thing was, I wasn’t any good to any of them, this way. Crippled. Broken. Incapacitated. And while that might not matter to them—while they might be perfectly happy to have me along as a pity-mascot—
Hey, now. That’s not fair.
Okay. It wasn’t fair. But still.
While they might be fine with it, I wasn’t. Not now. Not with a war to win. Not when every scrap of time and attention and manpower made a difference—when they couldn’t even spare somebody to watch me, because there were too many things that needed to get done.
And I knew—I remembered—
—for now, at least—
—that they had my morph. My DNA. My morphs, plural—they had acquired me plenty, both before and after whatever-it-was. Marco, for sure. Jake, probably. Tobias. Garrett. Helium. Tom. Cassie—
No, wait. They told you about Cassie—
I shut down the stray thought.
The point was, if I died—
Well. When you got right down to it, I’d rather they bring back Old Rachel than tie up a bunch of resources looking after Burden Rachel.
It wasn’t depression. It wasn’t psychosis. I wasn’t feeling suicidal or delusional, and it wasn’t that I thought handicapped people didn’t deserve to live or anything stupid like that. I had taken my time to make sure, wading in and out of clarity over the past week. I’d formed the intention, rolled it around, waited to see if it stuck, forgotten and reinvented it six or seven times over.
It was what I wanted. What I wanted for the world. What I wanted for the fight. What I wanted, because of who I was and what I cared about.
I took a fourth deep breath.
Clock’s ticking.
Closing my eyes, I focused.
I had no idea whether Marco had been joking about the grizzly bear. I couldn’t remember either way.
But there was one morph I was absolutely sure that I had. One morph I could clearly remember acquiring—one I’d acquired carefully, deliberately, sneakily—so sneakily that I think he really might not have noticed, though if you asked him he probably would have guessed.
I pictured the long, dark hair. The tiger’s-eye skin. The knowing smirk under razor-sharp eyes.
Almost immediately, I felt the changes begin.
I counted to fifteen, then stopped.
I stood.
I was shorter, maybe. An inch or two. My breasts might have shrunk, just a little. But my hair—
It had gone pure black.
Okay. Now back it up.
I switched tabs, swapped in a new mental image—gold instead of black, thickly muscled instead of basement-nerd wiry, a mouth that always felt like it had too many teeth.
Fifteen seconds later, I was back in my own—
—broken—
—body.
I took another long, slow breath.
All right. That’s phase one.
I could stop there, I knew. Stop, with the knowledge that I could morph if I absolutely had to, that I had at least one morph in me, for emergencies.
But that wasn’t enough. I needed to know if I could function in morph—if the fog and clumsiness that had followed me for the past week would clear, or if I would carry it with me into some crucial battle.
And I needed to know if I’d survive the demorph.
You’re stalling. You’re stalling and you don’t have time.
A tiny fragment of memory floated to the surface—a single word, along with its meaning—
Sisu.
I focused again, and ninety seconds later, I flipped the little mental switch—
It didn’t take him long. I’d been hanging out in that cargo hold a lot, after all.
‹Rachel?›
Yeah.
There was a pause.
‹I cannot fucking believe I left you alone in here. Are you okay? Is everything okay?›
Everything’s fine.
I felt him reach out for control and let him have it, let him guide our shared body smoothly to its feet.
‹Are you—gah. Do you—are you, like, sane right now? Do you know what’s happening?›
Yeah.
‹Okay, then what the FUCK.›
I said nothing. I was too busy leafing through his memories, looking at myself—at the situation—at all of it—from the outside.
‹Rachel?›
It was too much—too much to take in all at once, and I realized that the fog had come with me. Not all of it—no more than what I’d been feeling when I said goodbye to the real Marco—but enough so that the memories were like trying to do three-digit multiplication in my head. Like hearing someone’s name for the first time, and realizing two seconds later that you have no idea what it was.
‹Okay, Rachel, I’m starting to get a bad feeli—›
I’m fine.
‹Okay, then seriously—what the fuck? Alone?›
You wouldn’t have let me.
‹That’s not—I mean, it’s not that I—›
Don’t lie.
A long silence.
‹Okay, fine, I would’ve leaned on you pretty hard, I admit that. But what if—what if you die, demorphing? Are you really okay with—›
He broke off, leaving the thought unfinished, but I could feel the shape of it in his mind—are you really okay with what that’ll do to Jake? To me?
You’d both handle it fine, I said quietly. You both handled Cassie just fine, right?
‹I don’t know if I’d call what Jake was doing ‘handling it.’ And besides, that’s not the only risk. What if you go nuts while you’re in morph? Try to hurt one of us, or—or forget that you even can demorph?›
That’s not going to happen.
‹Rachel, I have all the respect in the world for you, but I’ve seen you shit yourself three times this week, and that’s before you acquired me. I don’t think you can—›
When you’re in morph, your brain is on pause, right? Being run on some kind of computer? So it can’t change—change—whatever the word is, it can’t change the way-it-is, like water being ice or water or whatever.
‹State.›
Yeah. State. It can’t change state, right? That’s why you guys couldn’t fall asleep. So if I was able to concentrate hard enough to morph, then I’m going to be fine in morph.
There was a long silence, in which Marco took our body and began to pace—slowly, thoughtfully, his feet making almost no sound against the cold metal deck.
‹You just thought of that just now, didn’t you?› he asked quietly.
So? I shot back. Doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
‹No, but that means it’s not the reason you felt okay going through with this—›
I morphed into you, okay? I morphed into you so that—
Marco stopped pacing.
So that if anything went wrong I’d—you would—
I didn’t finish the thought, but I could see into his thoughts, and I knew that he got it.
‹Jesus,› he said quietly. And then again—‹Jesus.›
It was still hard to absorb more than a fraction of what I was seeing. I couldn’t have written it down, if I’d had a pen—the words and images went by too quickly for my half-fried brain. But I could sort of feel the gist of it, track the overall theme of where his mind was going, and what I was getting—
Sadness.
Just sadness.
Not anger, not impatience, not derision—none of the scorn and condescension I’d come to expect from Marco, none of what I’d learned to brace myself against ever since that conversation after we’d each morphed the other for the very first time. After he’d learned about what I’d done with the Chapmans.
From where I’m standing, the person we can most afford to lose is you.
That’s what he’d said to me. What we’d both agreed on, before I morphed into Tidwell and carried Illim into the Yeerk pool.
It felt like it was just a couple of weeks ago, to me, though they’d also felt like some of the longest weeks of all time.
But now—
Inside Marco’s head—
It wasn’t just that we’d started to hold hands and kiss. More like, we’d ended up holding hands and kissing because of it, because of the same reason that he was feeling sad right now, they both had their roots in the same thing—
You don’t care about anything I have to say, I’d told him—back in that first conversation, before the mission to the Yeerk pool. You don’t care, because stupid people promising not to be stupid is a promise they can’t keep. Because they can’t tell when they’re about to be stupid. Not in time to stop.
Marco—
He didn’t think I was stupid.
As in, right now, thinking about how I’d gone off and morphed on my own despite everything that had happened, he still didn’t think I was stupid. He was thinking—not in words, but I could feel it—he was thinking I don’t get it, what am I missing?
Not what is she thinking, but what am I missing.
I had changed, and Marco had noticed.
And I was ready to throw it all away, and Marco—
He didn’t think that was wrong, or dumb.
He just thought it was sad.
‹You’re watching all this?›
Mild, the thought. Not defensive or snippy or accusatory. Just a question.
Yeah, I said.
‹And?›
The silence stretched out.
I don’t know what to say. Thanks. Sorry.
More silence.
And sorry I didn’t tell you. I mean, him. The other you. You know. I just—
I hesitated. There was water in our eyes, enough to blur the view of the cargo hold.
I think I had to figure this one out on my own.
‹Yeah.›
He reached up a hand, grabbed our shirt and wiped the moisture away before it could bead up and turn into a tear.
‹You ready, then?› he said. ‹Clock’s ticking.›
I wanted to say something back. To thank him for taking care of me, to apologize for waking him up just to erase him again. To explain why I’d woken him up—why I hadn’t just flipped through his memories and demorphed, leaving him in stasis.
But he already knew.
Yeah, I whispered. I’m ready.
He stayed with me as long as he could, all the way up to the halfway point where thought-speak clicks away. It was a long forty-five seconds, and the forty-five that came after were even longer. I held my breath, waiting for another attack, for something to go wrong.
But nothing happened. Marco went away, and my old body came back, and that was it. I cried for a few minutes, and then the fog started to roll in, and then—
Static.
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake—
* * *
I came awake, and this time it was already quiet—had been quiet for a while, according to some deep, primordial instinct.
I looked around. The room was empty, with dull, metal walls—slightly curved along two sides, like a cathedral or a music hall.
Bug fighter?
Why would I be in a Bug fighter?
I opened my mouth to call out, then thought better of it.
Don’t call attention to yourself.
I moved to stand—
Whoa.
I was clumsy, uncoordinated, my limbs sluggish and awkward.
Drugged?
I had been drugged before, I thought. Or—
No, wait. That wasn’t right. It wasn’t drugs, it was—
I had woken up in a dark room, but it hadn’t been a room like this. It had been—
A hospital?
A flicker of memory—a thin, balding man in pressed scrubs and gold-rimmed spectacles—and a book, a heavy book—
You don’t remember?
I felt a rising swell of panic, but I throttled it, controlled it, contained it.
What do you remember?
Rachel. My name was Rachel.
There was a war. A war against—against—I couldn’t remember the word but I knew what they were, what they looked like, tiny gray slugs that crawled inside your ear and ran your body like a remote control car, except—
Except some of them were on our side?
Ax.
The blue one. There was a blue one who was on our side—
No, wait, the blue one was the enemy, the main bad guy—Vicious—Vicious Three?
That doesn’t sound right.
Were there two blue ones?
I could still feel the urge to panic, but I was staying on top of it, staying above it. I didn’t have any weapons, but that didn’t matter, because I—
CLANG.
All of the thoughts fell out of my head, and the fear swelled to fill the space they’d left behind, as if every drop of blood that I had had been replaced with ice water.
The sound had come from the wall behind me.
The wall behind me was—
I thought—
—the wall of a spaceship.
The sound had come from outside of a spaceship.
So what? Spaceships can be on the ground—
But something—some instinct, maybe, or maybe some sliver of memory—something told me that no, this spaceship was not on the ground, this spaceship was somewhere out in space, and the sound that I had just heard—
I shuffled closer.
Was there a hum?
I shuddered. I didn’t want to get any closer to the wall, didn’t want to press my ear up against it, what if something was out there, what if it was about to burst through, but I had to know—
I leaned in.
There was a hum.
I shuffled away, moving as quickly as my clumsy limbs would let me.
Was there a hum on the other wall? Was that just the sound of the spaceship, the way airplanes sounded like KHHHHHHHH?
I pressed my ear against the other wall.
Nothing.
Something is coming. Something is coming, and you don’t have much time, you need to get ready—
I didn’t trust the fear—not entirely. I knew that I could be panicking over nothing—knew that I was confused, knew that I did not have anything even remotely resembling a grip on what was going on.
But at the same time, it would be stupid not to try to get ready, in any way I could.
I hobbled over toward what looked like the exit, moving my legs like a puppeteer.
It didn’t move.
I pressed against it.
Nothing.
I looked around for a switch, a sensor—
Nothing.
I turned back to look at the wall the sound had come from.
Was the hum a little louder, maybe?
I banged my fist on the door, and listened.
Silence.
“Hey!” I shouted. “Hey, is anybody in there?”
No answer.
The hum was definitely louder now, and I thought the room might have gotten warmer, too, as if something was slowly burning its way through the metal. I swept my eyes around the wide, open space—
A closet?
I pulled it open. There was nothing inside.
The hum was louder still, as loud as an electric toothbrush, and I began patting my pockets, looking for anything I might use as a weapon—
One of my pockets crinkled.
I reached inside it, pulled out a scrap of paper.
Hey, Rachel,
You were awake when I left but you were looking a little woozy. This might not even work, idk, but if you read this, we’ll be back soon, okay? We locked the ship down, and Helium’s got his eye on it.
—Marco
P.S. You had an accident, that’s why you’re feeling weird. You’re recovering. Everything’s going to be all right.
I felt a part of myself starting to try to feel relieved—felt another part of my brain intercede—
Everything’s under control.
The note didn’t say anything about clangs.
No, but it said there’s somebody keeping an eye on you.
Yeah, unless whoever’s attacking got to them first.
You’re panicking over nothing. Remember Grandma Diana? She would get freaked out every time the garbage truck drove by.
I woke up alone with amnesia in the cargo hold of a Bug fighter. It’s not the same thing at all.
Meanwhile, my eyes continued to trace uselessly around the empty, featureless room, looking for a weapon that wasn’t there—
Oh.
Right.
I didn’t need a weapon. I was a weapon.
Except—
Wasn’t there something about—
The hospital room. You woke up in the hospital room and you couldn’t morph—
But that had been before, hadn’t it?
Before what?
I wasn’t sure, but the hum was as loud as a microwave now, and the temperature in the room had definitely risen. I was running out of time—
Big, or small?
I looked around the room again. Bright, smooth walls with no cracks. Clean light everywhere. No shadows. Nowhere to hide except the tiny little closet—which would be the first place someone would look.
Big.
I tried to remember what big morphs I had.
Elephant?
I closed my eyes and concentrated.
Nothing.
Rhino?
Nothing.
Gorilla?
Nothing.
My heart began to pound, the panic finally winning out over my control—maybe the morphing really is broken, maybe there’s nothing I can do—
Tiger.
No.
Grizzly—
I gasped with relief as the telltale tingle swept over me, the hairs on my skin darkening and multiplying into a forest of thick, black wires. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to stay focused as the humming grew louder and higher, as the wall began to glow a dull, angry red.
Just give me one more minute.
There was a shriek—
A flash—
Another clang as a giant chunk of metal toppled inward—
I turned, still only two-thirds transformed, as a lone creature stepped in through the hole.
It wasn’t large. Smaller than a Hork-Bajir. About as big as my dad. It was moving slowly, easily, as if relaxed and confident. It walked on two bowed legs, with a swinging, cowboyish gait. It had two long arms, with what looked like a gauntlet or a set of extra claws emerging from each wrist, sort of shielding the almost-human hands. Its torso was pinched and narrow, and it looked as if there was a ball bearing halfway up, as if its head and shoulders were balanced on top of some kind of living lazy Susan.
My vision was blurring as the morph continued, but I could see that the creature’s skin was black and cracked, shot through with a spiderweb of red lines, like half-cooled lava. It was naked, except for a woven metal belt around its hip and a matching bandolier across its shoulders, each filled with what looked like guns and knives and grenades and other, stranger instruments.
The creature took two steps into the cargo hold and paused, tilting its melted, misshapen head like a dog, watching the last moments of my transformation through two bright, robin’s-egg-blue eyes. I couldn’t be sure, but it didn’t look scared or angry or determined—just curious, maybe even fascinated, craning its neck, its hands relaxed by its sides, a series of tiny, excited chirping noises coming out of some orifice I couldn’t see with the grizzly’s weak eyesight.
For a moment, we both just stood there, each waiting for the other to make a move.
It burned through the hull of a Bug fighter—it could be an enemy of the Yeerks—
‹Uh,› I said. ‹Hi?›
The creature’s eyes widened. It tilted its head to the other side, letting out another stream of chirps and squeaks.
‹I don’t understand.›
It raised its arms, hands out to the side, fingers moving in a strange, sinuous pattern. It pointed at me and chirped again, then gestured at its belt, then at the hole behind it.
‹Sorry, still nothing.›
Slowly, as if not to startle me, the creature began reaching toward its belt with one hand, carefully unclipping a device that looked sort of like a metal ice-cream cone.
‹Are you looking for the Yeerks?› I asked.
The creature chirped again, and slowly began to raise the cone, turning it in my direction.
All right, no.
I reared, coming to the grizzly’s full height of almost eight feet and letting out a low, threatening growl. The creature paused, and slowly reversed its motion, returning the device to its belt.
‹Yeah,› I said. ‹That’s right. Let’s not be pointing strange objects at—›
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!”
There was no warning.
It was a sound so loud it was hardly a sound at all anymore, a howl that blasted through the still air of the cargo hold with the force of a small bomb. I staggered back, clapping two giant bear paws to the sides of my head and falling over in the process, a ragged roar of pain—pitiful by comparison—tearing its way out of my throat.
The creature didn’t move, didn’t react—just stood there and watched as I convulsed on the floor, blood pouring from my ears. Eventually, I managed to pull myself back to my feet, trembling as I turned to face it again—
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!”
If anything, the sound seemed even louder that time, the pain like a pair of gunshot wounds as both of the bear’s eardrums burst and the walls themselves seemed to shake. I collapsed again, fighting the bear’s frantic instinct to run, to hide, knowing that there was nowhere to go—
“Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-row.”
Somewhere in the back of my shell-shocked mind, I realized that the third howl wasn’t any quieter than the last two—that the bear body was going deaf, the cells in its ears withering and dying before the unearthly onslaught. I climbed back to my feet again, and the fourth howl was detectable only as a vibration, a gentle wind against the hairs of my face and shoulder.
The creature’s head tilted once more, and it gave a strange little shiver that seemed almost like a nod, as if it had asked a question and gotten back exactly the answer it expected. It raised its arm again, once more holding the cone-thing—
I charged.
Have you ever seen a grizzly going all-out?
They are fast.
Much faster than you’d expect. Fast enough that it almost doesn’t seem natural.
But the little lava creature was faster.
I closed the distance between us in about half a second, but the creature had already—pivoted, moving one foot and then spinning like a top, its other arm flashing out, its claw-gauntlet thing slicing four thin strips of skin and fur out of my shoulder.
The grizzly roared. We were both angry, now, my own fear and adrenaline mixing with the animal’s fighting instincts. I didn’t know who this little alien was, or what it wanted, but if it wanted a fight it was going to get one.
It danced to one side, wobbling at the waist like some drunken acrobat. For a split second, it passed out of sight, and I felt a sudden spray of impacts along my hip, as if the creature had thrown a handful of stones at me. I whirled, and saw a number of tiny silver cylinders still tumbling to the floor—
Darts!
It had shot me with darts—but none of them had penetrated the grizzly’s thick fur—
It was close—closer than it should have been. Pushing off with my back legs like a sprinter at the starting line, I feinted with my left paw—
Got you.
It dodged, just as I had suspected, and I slammed it into the deck with my right, my claws tearing a huge chunk out of its shoulder and snapping the bandolier.
But the creature—bounced, sort of, cartwheeling its upper half into the deck and bringing its legs up, whirling like a weed whacker. One clawed foot caught me in the throat, and I felt a sudden darkening in my field of vision as blood began to spill out of the wound—only for a moment, before the bear’s rage came back twice as strong, but I didn’t know how long I could fight before blood loss took over—
Stamping one paw down on one of the creature’s arms, I seized it around the middle with my jaws, biting down until something—until several somethings—cracked. Hot, acrid fluid splattered across my face—
POOMPH.
I felt rather than heard the discharge of the alien weapon, and suddenly there was a melon-sized hole in my left shoulder. The bear shrieked—not a roar of challenge but a cry of pain and fear—and the creature fell to the deck and rolled to one side. It grabbed at something at its belt—I reared, swiping—it dodged—there was a spear of green light like a lightsaber—
Half of my left arm fell to the floor, and me along with it.
I was in shock—
—fortunately—
—maybe—
—and so I almost didn’t feel the pain, almost didn’t notice the dizziness as the blood gushed out of the wound, a sharp diagonal slice just above the elbow, straight as a razor’s edge. I lay on the floor, unable to do anything except look up at the creature as it stepped closer—
But it made no move to finish me off, only watched, curious, ignoring the sticky ichor leaking from its own horrible wounds. Ten, twenty, thirty seconds—I didn’t know how long, as every part of my mind screamed at me to demorph! Demorph now!
Something held me back, though, some tiny scrap of animal cunning, not a plan so much as a desperate, delirious hope. I stared back at the bright blue eyes, let my own lids fall shut—
I heard nothing. But I felt it, through the deck—a set of tiny vibrations, as the creature turned away, began heading toward the door that led to the rest of the ship—
I lunged. With every last scrap of power I had left in me, I burst off of the floor, hurling myself straight at the creature’s back. It heard me, began to spin—
Too late, asshole.
The flesh of my upper arm had begun to fall away, loose and dangling, leaving the cut end of my humerus—sharp as a flint arrowhead—exposed. With five hundred pounds of muscle behind it, I had plunged that bone straight into the space where the creature’s head met its shoulders. There was an explosion of pain, enough that the bear body began to retch even as the pair of us fell to the floor, and I began demorphing without even checking to see whether the creature was dead.
If it isn’t, it’s all over anyway.
Ninety seconds later, and I was human again, surrounded by blood and gore and alien technology, my arms and legs trembling as if I’d just run a marathon. I wanted to throw up again, but there was nothing in me, so I just dry-heaved on the floor for who-knows-how-long before I finally had the strength to stand again.
The creature was still alive.
It was still alive, and it was watching, its eyes following my every movement. It lay still, and for a moment I thought that maybe it had been paralyzed by my attack—
But no. As it met my eyes, lying there on the deck, it tilted its head once more, raising an arm in an eerily human fashion.
The creature waved.
It waved, and then the light faded from its eyes, and the arm fell back to the deck with a meaty thunk.
It—
It could have—
All those weapons within reach, and it just—
It just—
What?
Chapter 65: Chapter 44: Marco
Notes:
So, as promised, that was the last hiatus. My new theory is that the prime cause of delay is "I can't get the whole chapter done in time, so I'll just wait." To fix that, I'm now allowing myself to do partial chapters more frequently, and committing to updates of at least 6000 words every other weekend from here on out. I might be a day late here or there, or I might miss a week some time, but I want momentum into the finale as much as you all do, so there will always be SOMETHING.
Speaking of the imminent end, the current plan for the remaining chapters is as follows:
45: Garrett
46: Cassie
Interlude
47: Tobias
Interlude
48: Rachel
49: Jake
50: Marco
51: Rachel… subject to change, but mostly set. Have fun with speculation.
Last but not least: I think I got in every cameo request (sorry if your cameo is literally just a namedrop; I did what I could). The only name I couldn’t fit in naturally was “Seed,” so Seed: you’re in the fic as Zhongzi, which approximately means “seed.” If you deserve a cameo and haven’t got one yet, let me know.
As always, please please PLEASE leave comments, reviews, and feedback, either here or over on r/rational. It
REALLY
makes a difference in my motivation, and the discussion on r/rational has substantially impacted the plot on more than one occasion.
Yours in desperation,
—Duncan
Chapter Text
Chapter 44: Marco
—MARCO PRIME: 134217728 (Lake Balkhash, Kazakhstan)—
There were almost a million people living in Ventura county when all this started.
A little under nine hundred thousand, if you wanted to get picky. With seven of us—me, Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Tobias, Garrett, and Ax—that meant about a hundred and twenty-five thousand people per Animorph.
Then the fight went worldwide, right around the same time we lost Cassie. Seven and a half billion, divided by six, makes one and a quarter billion per Animorph.
That’s four extra zeroes. Ten thousand more people for each and every one of the hundred and twenty-five thousand we were already standing for.
I think if I sat down and tried—really actually tried my hardest—I might be able to name a couple thousand people, all told. Like, between people I’d met, and people I knew about from history and the internet and so forth. Maybe three thousand if I stretched it out to, like, fictional characters from books and movies and stuff.
Garrett had said that he and Tobias gave ten thousand, two hundred, and forty-one people the morphing power, which I guess would drop the number right back down. But somehow that didn’t feel like it should count.
Not that I knew what it meant for something to ‘count,’ really. It wasn’t like any of these numbers really meant anything.
But still. For some reason, my brain wanted to know just how many people it was responsible for, in some vague, detached, clinical sense.
One billion, two hundred fifty million people.
Then there were the Marclones. Thirty-eight of us—of me—in total, though it was anybody’s guess how many of us ever actually woke up. The Ellimist had only brought twelve of us on its little side quest, and at least three of us hadn’t made it back. We had no idea what might have happened to the other ones—the ones who ran off, right at the start.
Call it nineteen in total, as a guess. Half of all the clones I’d made. Nineteen Marcos, plus Jake, Rachel, Tobias, Garrett, and Helium.
Twenty-four Animorphs.
Twenty-three if you didn’t count Rachel, who was more-or-less down for the count. Twenty-two if you left out Tobias, who we hadn’t heard from since we left him at the hospital in Finland.
From what we’d been able to gather, Visser Three’s bombs had taken out half a billion people. Starvation and disease and whatnot were probably going to kill another half billion more. With no phones and no internet, with power out all over the place—
Call it six billion humans left. That was probably a bit pessimistic, but it’s not like anybody was going to actually go check.
Six billion, divided by twenty-two. A little under—what—three hundred million humans per Animorph. A little less than the entire population of the United States, which I think was about three hundred thirty million back when all this started.
You know, like six months ago.
Three hundred million people. That was my—what, my flock? My purview?
My share of the responsibility.
The whole United States. Or all of Western Europe. Brazil plus Argentina plus Chile. Russia plus Ukraine. A quarter of India or China.
That many people, for each of us.
For a while, we’d toyed with taking on responsibility for the whole galaxy. Helium had said that there were about a billion Andalites, and something like a hundred known sapient species. Most of them were single-world species, he’d said, and most worlds had way fewer people living on them than Earth—for some reason—so call it a hundred million aliens per planet, on average.
That’s ten billion.
Double it to cover any undiscovered species—and the Yeerks, who I had no idea how to properly count—then double it again just to be safe, and you had forty billion, ish. Two billion more per Animorph.
Three hundred million versus two-point-three billion.
Only an 8x difference, really
Although ‘only’ might be underselling it. I could pick up my dad, just barely. Like, I could get him an inch off the ground, for a couple of seconds. My dad weighs maybe a hundred and seventy pounds. Eight times that was—
Well. Probably not as heavy as a car, actually, but still way more than I can lift. Enough to crush me to death, for sure.
I could feel a part of my brain sort of giving the rest a skeptical look, like seriously, what’s the point of all this.
And another part, looking skeptically at that part, as if that was the kind of argument that would work. As if pointing out that this whole line of thinking was stupid and meaningless would just—magically cause me to cut it out.
If brains worked like that—if just knowing it was dumb was enough to get people to stop—
Things would be different.
Of course—my brain continued, ignoring itself—it wasn’t just about the people who were still alive. There was also the people who had already died.
Six hundred thousand in Ventura. Six hundred million in the Visser’s counterattack.
If you divided it by twenty, it sounded a lot better. Smaller. More manageable. Thirty thousand people—I could almost imagine that. That was, like, not even one whole football stadium. Ten 9/11s. One month of COVID-19.
Thirty million, on the other hand—
A thousand not-even-one-whole-football-stadiums.
Thirty million was—I think—most of the population of California?
Most of what the population of California had been, anyway. I don’t know how many people are left in California once you blow up Los Angeles and the Bay Area both.
I tried to make the numbers click, make them make sense. Tried forcing my gut to understand how big thirty million actually was, to respond with anything like the appropriate amount of concern. But it was hopeless. None of it really sunk in. None of it moved me—not the way I’d been moved the first time Jake died, or the time I’d crushed the skull of that Controller in the water, or the time I’d had to listen to myself scream and scream and scream on an alien hillside a million billion miles away.
Somehow, Jake’s parents being dead meant more to me, deep down, than the abstract idea of New York getting vaporized.
I wasn’t stupid—I knew that how it felt to me didn’t really matter, that in the end you made the call based on the numbers, no matter what your caveman instincts told you. I couldn’t stand it when people acted like they didn’t know better—like in that old movie The Rock, when the dumbass president kept whining about how it was so hard to choose, on the one hand there were eighty-one hostages and on the other hand there was the entire population of San Francisco.
But—
I dunno.
It would be just as stupid to pretend like it didn’t matter more to me, on some level?
Like, to plug my ears and act like I wasn’t fighting with myself, like I didn’t have to keep forcibly reminding myself to do the math, do the math, do the math. To pretend like this was a mistake I wasn’t at risk of making. Refusing to acknowledge the problem would make me more likely to screw things up, not less.
I want to know what on Earth you were thinking when you—you—you just threw away—after all your lectures about stakes, and perspective, and you just dropped everything to rescue your mom—and don’t you dare try to pull some crap like it was all about Visser One because I swear to god, Marco—
I felt my cheeks burning, just like they had when Jake had first said it.
Because I did know better.
I was supposed to do better.
Like, supposed to according to myself. According to my own values, my own sense of right and wrong. It’s not like anybody else expected me to be hashtag-actually-reasonable. Everyone else was too busy falling all over themselves to forgive one another for being dumbfuck mouth-breathers, since, you know, actually drawing a line in the sand would mean facing up to the fact that they were on the wrong side of it, and always had been, and there were dead people who might be alive today if they’d just put in a little fucking effort now and then, and we can’t have that, so no, let’s set the bar so low we can’t even trip over it—
Seriously, Marco. What’s the point of all this?
I sucked in a breath.
I had too much time to think these days, that was my problem.
Except that really, there wasn’t too much time to think, there was barely enough time to have any thoughts at all, which is why it was so frustrating when my brain refused to cooperate—when for once I actually did have a few minutes to catch my breath, and here my mind was drifting all over the place, like this was all just some stupid prealgebra test that didn’t matter instead of a war with six billion lives at stake and maybe also the future of the entire galaxy—
Yeah, sure, shout at yourself. For sure that’ll fix it.
At least I’m trying something, not just sitting there making snide remarks—
Shitting the bed isn’t better than not shitting the bed!
I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood.
The problem was, I didn’t have anything better for my brain to do, besides spinning its wheels and fighting itself.
Like, have you ever tried to train a dog to stop doing something? Stop barking at the mailman, or whatever?
It’s almost impossible. Instead, you have to get the dog to do something else. Actively. You replace the behavior. Get it to go pick up a toy or something, reward it for doing that instead of barking.
And I didn’t have any kind of replacement action. I knew all sorts of things not to do—I could look back over the last ten seconds, the last ten minutes, the last ten days, and identify all kinds of things that were wrong about the way my mind had been moving. Mistakes I’d made, important details I’d overlooked, all kinds of wrong assumptions and useless thoughts.
And it wasn’t like that was a bad idea. Like, looking back, noticing where I was fucking up, putting in conscious effort to make sure I didn’t make any mistakes twice.
But at the same time, it wasn’t like that was going to cut it. You don’t get to doing-it-right by painstakingly eliminating every single possible way to do it wrong. And while my brain was spinning and ruminating and beating itself up, it wasn’t doing—
Doing—
Well, that was the problem. I didn’t know what it was, that I wasn’t doing, that would be better. I didn’t have a target, a goal, a particular point B that I could put in my crosshairs and plot a course toward. Not in the larger war, and not inside my own head, either.
I have—
—had, actually, probably. Jesus.
I had this uncle. Uncle Tío, I called him, even though his name was Esteban. My mom’s brother.
He told me this story, once, about a time when he went out way late at night to pick up a prescription for my aunt. It was like two o’clock in the morning, and he was going through one of those neighborhoods that has alternating stop signs—like, you stop at one intersection, but you can blow through the next one because the other road has the stop signs, you know? Where you stop at every other street?
And anyway, it was two A.M. and he was just running on autopilot, and he stops at this stop sign, and then he starts going again, and he just blows through the next intersection, doesn’t even slow down, and he’s like halfway across a seven-lane intersection before he realizes that he’s out of the neighborhood, he’s back on the main road, he completely missed the last stop sign because he wasn’t expecting it to be there—because it wasn’t part of the pattern.
And it was two in the morning, so he was totally fine. There were no other cars, nobody else in sight. No harm, no foul.
But the way he told me the story—I was probably like seven years old at the time—he made it sound like he’d almost died. Like, he said he pulled over to the side of the road, shaking and sweating—said he’d sat there for ten minutes just thinking about it. Trying to make it stick, make it sink in.
Because, like—it wasn’t his fault that he lived. He couldn’t take credit for it.
He just got lucky.
If there had been a car coming, he says, his two-A.M. brain would’ve just assumed it was going to stop, because it was his turn to drive through, and he would’ve just rolled right out into the street and bam, that would’ve been it. No more Uncle Tío.
And he was trying to tell me—
Well, not really even trying to tell me. I was just his seven-year-old sobrino. He’d been trying to tell himself—was practically talking to himself while I played with Transformers on the rug.
But he’d tried to explain just how important that moment really was, even though nothing bad had happened, even though everything had turned out okay. Because it was like the first time he’d really noticed that Something Was Broken, that he’d been playing Russian roulette his whole life without ever even being aware of it. That his brain, which had been telling him that everything was fine, that he had it all under control—that his brain was full of it, and by trusting his brain to evaluate his brain, he’d just confidently driven right out into the middle of a seven-lane road.
¿Qué más? he’d kept muttering, over and over again. What else? What else?
Where else had he been blowing through stop signs, without ever even realizing it?
Where was the next stop sign, and would he see it in time to stop himself?
It wasn’t just a little thing, he’d said. Or like, it was a little thing, but the point was that little things were happening all the time, they were adding up, if he’d gotten this one wrong then he was probably getting a bunch of them wrong, and eventually one of them was going to matter.
That hit home, for seven-year-old Marco.
Things had turned out okay, with my mom and Visser One. More than okay—they’d opened up a whole new line of possibility, given us Star Wars levels of new hope. We had the fleet now, and access to all of Quatazhinnikon’s work, and instantaneous communication between four of the Marclones, and we’d even managed to free my mom in the process, though who knew if we’d ever actually see her again.
But they shouldn’t have turned out okay. That was what Jake had been trying to point out. Because I’d made the wrong move, back there in the empty Arn city. The wrong move, for the wrong reasons, and the fact that we’d happened to come out on top didn’t mean it hadn’t been a bad bet to begin with. We’d just gotten lucky.
Lucky, or manipulated.
I sighed.
I sighed, because that was a whole other can of worms, and I didn’t want to think about it, because it was exhausting and scary and confusing and for some reason my brain thought that covering my eyes and not looking at stuff that’s exhausting and scary and confusing would make it not matter, god DAMMIT.
Here we go again.
Yeah, because YOUR contributions have been so fucking PRODUCTIVE—
I was getting worried. I had always sort of talked to myself—argued with myself—but it had never been like this before. Cutting—almost savage—as if the different threads in my thoughts were actually trying to hurt each other—
Yeah, well, what matters most is you found a way to feel superior to BOTH sides—
I was losing my grip.
I was losing my grip, and I was tired, so very very tired, and tired people make mistakes, and I knew that I was tired, and I knew that tired people make mistakes, and I knew that knowing all of that still wasn’t going to save me. It was like falling from a plane without a parachute—
—and without the morphing power, some pedantic voice added—
—falling from miles up, knowing exactly what was happening to me, knowing exactly how it was all going to end, and not being able to do a single god damned thing about it.
A chime sounded, and I opened my eyes, feeling a mixture of relief—that there was something else to focus on—and guilt—that I’d burned almost the entire flight without making any progress on anything.
But hey, as long as you beat yourself up over it, nobody ELSE can criticize you for it—
Reaching out, I twiddled the controls, pulling up the overview of my flight plan. A bright curve of blue stretched across the screen, with a small, pulsing light marking my current position.
Almost there.
I had decided to make the trip alone, the other option being bringing along a crew of Hork-Bajir Controllers. I wasn’t entirely sure that was the right call—while the Bug fighter’s controls were incredibly straightforward and had been designed to be pilot-able by people with an IQ of about eighty, it would be another story if I ran into trouble and had to handle maneuvers, comms, weapons, and power distribution all by myself.
But we couldn’t spare Garrett or Ante to come with, let alone Jake or Helium, and it still seemed dumb to let myself be outnumbered in a confined space. So far, the Yeerks aboard the fleet seemed to have accepted our command, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the other shoe was going to drop eventually, and I still couldn’t thoughtscream half as good as Garrett.
So I was alone, even though that was stupid, and I was flying down to Earth, even though that was stupid, because all of the options these days were stupid, and at some point you just have to accept the risk and move on. Like being in the wild west, where pretty much anybody could kill anybody at any time—eventually you just get used to it.
I’d managed to take a few precautions, at least. I was in morph—or I would be by the time I landed, anyway—so I couldn’t be straightforwardly infested, even by whatever magic nano bullshit Visser Three had pulled on the escape pods. And Helium had outfitted the Bug fighter with a couple of pieces of scanning tech he’d enhanced, so I could only be snuck up on by somebody who was actually trying.
The finishing touch, though, was the deadman’s switch that Helium and I had cooked up together, inspired by what Visser Three had done to Ventura. It was a single hyperdrive attached to a small navigational computer, repurposed from the device we’d hacked together to blow up the ark. It was holding steady in geostationary orbit, set to flicker in and out of Z-space and hit whatever patch of ground I happened to be standing on at one percent of the speed of light.
Ten pounds or so, at eighteen hundred miles per second. We’d done the calculations, and the resulting explosion would be about a third as large as the blast from the first atomic bomb. It wouldn’t put the planet at risk, wouldn’t leave behind much in the way of radioactive fallout. But it should be enough to tidy up any clever ideas that anybody might have about what they could accomplish with a kidnapped Marco.
The bomb was locked on to a little thought-speak transponder that Helium had rigged up—a tiny sliver of metal and plastic about the size of a house key. Once I activated it, it would send me a mental ping every thirty seconds. If I didn’t reply back within ten seconds with a cancel order—
Problem solved.
That part was easy. Thinking through contingencies, working with the constraints. Do a rendezvous, get in and out safely, or at the very least make anyone who fucks with you pay for it. Point A to point B. Simple, once you had a goal in mind.
The hard part—
—the infinitely harder part—
—was identifying point B in the first place.
A second chime sounded in the cockpit as the Bug fighter came into contact with the upper edge of the atmosphere and began to slow. Fifteen minutes later, and the last of the visible city lights disappeared over the horizon, the rough wasteland below lit only by the light of the moon and the glow of the distant clouds.
There was another fighter parked on the broken sand at the prearranged coordinates, cloaked and powered down and invisible to everything except Helium’s advanced scanners. There were two human-sized figures standing out in front of it, dressed in thick coats with hoods up. According to the sensors, there was nothing else of note for a hundred miles in any direction.
Not that that meant a whole lot. There were insects and rodents and snakes aplenty, birds and bats fluttering through the night air, any number of whom could be soldiers or Controllers in morph. An F-35 with a cruise missile could’ve targeted this place from fifteen hundred miles away two and a half hours ago, and from the ground I’d have about a minute’s warning, if I was lucky.
Not that there were all that many cruise missiles left, after Visser Three stripped the place.
But still. I was used to it—sort of—but that didn’t mean it was comfortable, walking into a situation where I was very much Not In Control.
‹Marco Prime to Command,› I whispered, into the ship’s comm. ‹Everything looks nice and unsuspicious. Landing now, over.›
‹Roger, Marco Prime,› came Helium’s reply. ‹Good luck. Over.›
Swinging the ship around, I settled it quietly to the ground about a hundred yards behind the parked fighter, targeting both of my shipboard Dracon cannons onto its engines.
‹Confirm remote fire ready,› I said, directing the thought to the ship’s computer.
The ship responded, with the psychic pulse of readiness-obedience-reassurance that I’d learned to interpret as ‘yes.’ Reaching into my pocket, I toggled the deadman’s switch and stood.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel,› I said.
I turned away from the cockpit and into the open cargo hold, shivering as the night wind wrapped around me. I hadn’t exactly dressed for the occasion.
Should be fine. If you’re here for more than thirty minutes anyway—
Trudging down the ramp, I stepped off the dark metal and onto the rocky soil.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
Slowly, keeping my steps as quiet as I could, I walked toward the two distant figures, barely visible as twin blobs of black, careful to swing wide around the invisible shape of their parked fighter.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
When I was maybe twenty yards away from them, I stopped.
‹Hey,› I called out.
The two figures stiffened, heads swiveling. One of them spotted me, tapped the other on the shoulder. Together they began walking toward me, closing the distance.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
When they were about five yards away, I held up a hand, palm out. “That’s probably close enough for now, yeah?”
They stopped, lowering their hoods—
I blinked.
The two faces were that of Najida Tyagi, president-in-exile, and—
“When did you wake up?” I asked.
“Couple days before the bombs went off,” said my clone. “Got in touch with the whisper network just in time. I was the second Marco to show up. You?”
So he’d woken up while we were still on the Arn planet, or maybe right around the time we’d gotten off it and headed out into space.
“I’m Marco Prime, actually,” I said. “Did the first Marco—uh—”
How to ask without giving too much away or sounding like a crazy person…
Fuck it.
“Did the first Marco to show up happen to, like—”
‹Confirm—›
‹Cancel.›
“—disappear into thin air for several days? Like, five or six days before the bombs went off?”
The two of them exchanged a glance.
“Yes,” said the Tyagi. “Except it wasn’t for several days. He never reappeared.”
I guess that makes four.
“You know something about this?” she pressed.
“You could say that,” I answered. “I, uh. Dunno if you’ll buy it, if I tell you.”
A dark look flickered across her face, barely visible in the moonlight. “Standard procedure at this point is an acquiring handshake,” she said. “It doesn’t completely rule out infiltration, of course, but it’s the obvious precaution—”
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
“—are you willing?”
I looked back and forth between the two figures.
It was one of the things we’d anticipated, back when Jake and I had first made contact with the Earthside resistance. We’d tried to figure out all the ways an enemy—whether Visser Three or otherwise—might take advantage of what I had in my head. I didn’t know the exact procedure for ship takeover, and Helium had closed the loophole after we’d taken the fleet anyway. I couldn’t piece together any of what Quatazhinnikon had done with his research when I wasn’t actually inhabiting his body. There was stuff about Crayak and the Ellimist, but if they had Marcos working with them, then they already knew all that.
Really the only ‘secrets’ that I had were things like Jake and Helium’s exact locations, which wouldn’t have had time to encode themselves into long-term memory yet. That, and the tentative deal with Visser Three—but then, the whole point of this meeting was to try to sync up with the resistance about that.
“I have a question first,” I said aloud.
The other Marco shifted a little. I knew what he was thinking—a question that isn’t just answered by a morph check?
But my clone knew that I knew that—knew that I’d be thinking it—knew that I wanted to ask out loud anyway, for some reason, and so he said nothing.
Tyagi shrugged. “Ask away.”
“The two hundred thousand pods you sent up.”
“Yes?”
“We were there. At the rendezvous point. There wasn’t anything out there, waiting for them.”
Tyagi’s head tilted a little. “The superstructure was cloaked—”
“It wasn’t.”
She opened her mouth—paused—closed it again.
That’s right, Madam President. Andalite sensors can penetrate standard cloak.
“What is your question?” she asked, the words razor thin.
“Did you send those people up as a decoy?”
Did you knowingly set up two hundred thousand people—two hundred thousand civilians—to suffocate in deep space, just so there was a chance the real ark could get away undetected?
I knew better than to take Visser Three’s word for anything, at this point.
But still.
Still.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
“No,” said Tyagi, finally.
There was a quiver in her voice—just the tiniest little shake. But I couldn’t tell if that was anger or deception or what.
“No,” she repeated. “And in fact—”
She reached for her jacket pocket, and I stiffened. She slowed, opened her hand, reached in with two fingers.
“It’s a communication device,” she said.
I glanced at the other Marco, who shrugged.
I nodded.
“Central, this is POTUS-ex. Lockdown, epsilon protocol, scenario two. Possible compromise of ark project. Will update within thirty. Confirm, over.”
The device flashed a deep purple, and she put it back into her jacket.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
Lockdown—
“You think V3’s infiltrated your group?” I asked.
“I was looking at live footage of the superstructure when the pods launched,” Tyagi said, her voice tight. “I was looking at it the whole time they were in flight. I was getting confirmation from three different angles, plus live updates from the site crew.”
It was my turn to not know what to say.
So—
So—
So Visser Three had somehow faked the whole thing? Had—had stolen the ark, or maybe been funneling away all of the supplies—
How many Controllers would that have taken?
None, if Tyagi’s just lying to you.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
I sighed. Stepping forward, I held out my hand, first to the Tyagi, then to the Marco, each of us shivering slightly as the acquiring trance passed over us. Then my brain caught up to what had just happened.
“Wait,” I said. “You’re the OG Tyagi?”
She shrugged. ‹You sound surprised—›
—said a thought-speak voice that was probably her, unless it was the Marco or some other morphed character listening and faking it, except why would anybody do that, what would be the point of tricking me into thinking that a clone was the real thing, and besides, I’d felt the acquiring trance—
¿Qué más?
‹—are you not the designated representative of the massive planet-killing fleet currently in orbit?› the voice continued. ‹Should I have delegated this negotiation to somebody else?›
“Fair,” I admitted. Although—
Even with everything in chaos, the actual literal Najida Tyagi, standing here unguarded except for a single Marclone?
Yeah, no.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
I kept my eyes straight ahead, resisting the urge to look around for the morphed or cloaked bodyguards I wouldn’t be able to see anyway.
“Speaking of which,” the other Marco said. “What’s the deal with the fleet? Are you guys actually in control?”
“Yeah.”
“How?” Tyagi demanded.
“Ancient Chinese secrets.”
There was a long and extremely eloquent silence.
“What do you intend to do with it?” she asked.
“Deploy it in defense of Earth,” I said. “Against external threats, mostly. We—we think we might have a shot at a cease-fire with Visser Three.”
Tyagi snorted. “Cease-fire?” she said, incredulous. “Are you that far out of the loop? All he’s done since taking over the ark fleet is humanitarian work.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Agents claiming to be Visser-Three-Controlled have been popping up all over,” the other Marco said quietly. “Mostly doing logistics. Funneling resources from place to place, repairing damaged infrastructure, some emergency response stuff—”
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
“—super well-coordinated, for the most part—we think they’ve got long-range thought-speak somehow. We’ve gotten reports of a few groups of them doing police work, first aid, search-and-rescue near the bomb sites—”
“Wh—like, pretending the bombs weren’t—”
“No, he’s freely admitting it,” said the Marco. “Or—they. Whatever. But they’re armed and well-equipped and usually bearing food and water and other critical supplies, so—yeah.”
“People are buying it?”
“They’re taking the food and water, if that’s what you mean,” Tyagi said grimly. “He’s actually quite popular in a lot of places, from what we hear.”
Stockholm syndrome.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
Or—no, wait. Not Stockholm syndrome. More like—like an abusive partner. The kind that beats you up and then gently tends to your wounds—
Like that? Try exactly that—
“He wants to get the Earth’s productive capacity back on its feet—”
“No shit.”
“What happened with the pods?” Tyagi asked. “We have footage from inside a few of them, but it doesn’t really—”
“He knew about the real ark,” I cut in. “He just didn’t care. He let it go, took over the pods instead—had some kind of hybrid morph-tech drones that burned their way in through the hulls, then somehow directly cloned Yeerks right inside the people’s heads. We don’t know exactly what the deal is, whether they’re independent clones or being controlled from some central location, but he says that they have a collective memory, which fits with some other stuff we’ve seen.”
“That would explain Fairfax cou—”
The other Marco broke off as Tyagi shot him a blistering look.
An act?
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
“What happened in Fairfax?” I asked.
“Whatever it was that he used to take over the pods, he’s got more of it. There was a militia outside Fairfax that was moving against a group of Visser Threes until—well.”
Shit.
“If he’s got more of it, why isn’t he using it everywhere?” I wondered aloud. Why hasn’t he assimilated the whole planet?
“There’s a pretty big difference between two hundred thousand and six-point-five billion,” the other Marco pointed out. “Maybe he only had so much of it ready, you know? He doesn’t have access to his Mars base anymore, so he’s not making more of it.”
“But in that case—”
I trailed off, the rest of the sentence failing to cohere.
What is he after?
What does he want?
For that matter, what did Tyagi want?
Hell, what do YOU want?
“In that case,” I repeated—
The words froze in my throat as the night sky suddenly brightened into twilight, then brightened again. All three of our heads turned to look up—
My jaw dropped.
There was—
It had to be an explosion—
—no, many explosions—I didn’t know what, or how, but that’s what they had to be—
“Is that—the fleet?” Tyagi whispered.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹No—cancel—what—›
I tried to force my brain to function as another ring of bright orange blossoms appeared around the still-growing ones already there, an expanding circle of tiny bursts of flame—
Tiny? Those have got to be the size of—of—of fucking Manhattan, or something, for us to be able to see them all the way down here—
It was strange. Somehow, I just knew that they were out in space, as opposed to being somewhere in the upper atmosphere—some visual cue that I couldn’t quite put my finger on explicitly, but that my lizard brain had absolutely no problem making sense of. Something about the scale, maybe—the smooth featurelessness of the expanding spheres, or the way they were growing so slowly—
Or the fact that they were completely, utterly silent.
Focus.
“It can’t be the fleet,” I said. “One, the fleet’s not that big. And two, it’s spread out, it’s all around us, not all in one place like that—”
The disc of fire continued to grow, spreading wider and wider across the sky. It was already ten or fifteen times wider than the sun or the moon—almost as big as Orion or the Big Dipper. As I watched, some of the earliest spheres in the center began to fade, shading from bright orange to dull red and finally disappearing altogether, but there were more with every passing second. And there were other lights there, too, now—tiny bright sparks like shooting stars—
“Uh. Is it just me, or are those getting closer?”
It was true. The tiny bright sparks were fanning out, and even in the space of just a few seconds, some of them had grown visibly larger. There were only a few at first, streaking out from the gaps between the titanic explosions, then more—dozens, then too many to count—
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
I heard a soft rustle, and turned to see that Tyagi had unholstered what looked like a .45 and was holding it not quite pointed at me.
“Explain,” she said tightly. “Is this you?”
“It’s not us,” I said. “I don’t know what—”
I broke off.
The fucking tunnel. The tunnel, or bridge, or whatever—
“That spot,” I whispered. “Tyagi—Madam President—is that the rendezvous point? The tunnel out of the system?”
Their earlier probes tried, and triggered various mines and traps I laid around the entrance. That’s what Visser Three had told Jake.
Mines and traps—
Tyagi’s face went slack with horror in the orange light.
“We were supposed to pass right under it some time around now, right? Is that—”
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel, Jesus.› And then, not bothering to switch back to regular speech—‹Tyagi, is that today?›
“I—it could be,” she said, staring back up into the sky. “I don’t know, I lost track when everything went off the rails, but I think—”
‹And you guys didn’t—I dunno—prepare for it?›
Even as I said the words, though, I knew they were unfair. Prepare how? And with what? The Visser took half the military equipment last month, and blew up the rest last week. Not to mention the fact that there was no reason to expect—
My thought stuttered to a halt.
No reason to expect—
The Visser took all the weapons—
I turned to look back up at the sky—at the explosions, which had finally stopped growing, and the tiny sparks of light, which hadn’t. I felt a deep, sucking feeling in the center of my chest, as if I’d swallowed a black hole.
Motherfucker.
‹Confirm—›
‹Cancel.›
The Earth passes right by the opening of the bridge at exactly the moment when it’s most vulnerable, least prepared—
I had no idea what was going on. But after everything—
—after Elfangor, and Ventura, and the planet of the Arn—
—I was starting to develop something like a touch of genre savviness, a Spidey sense for the way the coincidences came together, the rhythm of the game that Crayak and the Ellimist were playing—
And just like that, I had my point B.
Or at least, my next point B.
“We need to get out of here,” I said aloud. “Get back to your ship, now.”
“What? And go wh—hey, wait, we haven’t—”
“Now,” I repeated—over my shoulder, already jogging, not waiting to see if Tyagi was trying to point the gun at me. “I don’t know what those lights are, but they’re coming. You want to be on the ground when they get here?”
* * *
Visser
Finally.
Not relief, precisely. Not excitement or eagerness. Not even the fulfillment of expectation, since there had been no single specific thing which he had been anticipating with anything resembling confidence.
Rather, it was the sense that things were happening at all. That the game he had been playing, with all of its stalls and senselessness, had finally fallen away, and the true challenge begun. There was a certain grim satisfaction in that, for all that it came hoof-and-tail with uneasiness. It was like the first sprint after thaw—a feeling of muscles springing to readiness, a shaking-off of imposed indolence.
Soon, there would be answers.
Within seconds, the Visser had some thirteen hundred sets of eyes turned to the sky, supplementing the long-range sensors already trained upon the rapidly growing cone of flame, each adding its own unique perspective to the shared pool of knowledge and memory. It wasn’t long at all before there were three thousand more, including a handful in various military situation rooms and four aboard orbiting Bug fighters.
(He in fact had eyes aboard nine Bug fighters currently in flight, but only four were in position to observe the phenomenon directly.)
The massive flood of information was absorbed and aggregated, distributed across nearly seven times as many brains and analyzed in depth, leaving the Visser with a mental picture as clear and detailed as if the explosions were taking place directly in front of him.
There were ships dropping out of Z-space, at the terminus of the bridge—hundreds of them, a larger fleet than any the Visser had ever seen, possibly larger than every one of the Andalite fleets combined. There were at least four different types, each large enough to carry multiple smaller ships and one as large as a medium-sized pool ship. They were all sleek and swift and heavily armored, clearly built to handle both deep space and atmospheric maneuver.
Most were not making it far—the blackmines were working as intended, zeroing in on fuel cells and reactor cores, and with each new detonation, the space around the exit point grew thicker with fire and shrapnel. Already it was a maelstrom of death, with fewer than one in fifty of the invaders making it out of the killing zone intact.
But there had only been six hundred and thirty-three mines to begin with, and with fewer than four hundred remaining, the stream of ships showed no sign of slowing. Dozens had made it through, were streaking toward the planet at breakneck speed, deploying squadrons of smaller craft—
Some sixteen thousand sets of eyes narrowed as the pattern became clear. The ships were spreading out in a fractal lattice, the larger clusters heading toward population centers while additional ships fell in line between.
Invasion? Or annihilation?
Efficient, either way. The first of them would enter the atmosphere in mere minutes, and it wouldn’t be long before there would be more of them than the scant human fighters could track, let alone intercept—
(The Visser spared a fraction of a moment to check on the position of the eighty-seven Yeerk ships spread around the planet in high orbit, but they had not moved—had not even begun to respond—were too distant to engage in any case, a vast sphere wrapping around the Earth and the Z-space bridge both.)
Primary objective—assess capabilities.
Quietly, the Visser seized full control of two of the Bug fighters in low orbit, his agents activating the last of their conversion capsules and manifesting Visser-flesh inside the heads of everyone on board. Locking their sensors onto two of the forwardmost invaders, he set each onto its own intercept course—
Interesting.
The targeted vessels had responded immediately, altering their own vectors to meet the Visser’s ships head-on.
They can penetrate standard cloak, then.
And more, the other ships—all of the other ships—had shifted course at the exact same time, smoothly reforming the fractal net, filling in the gaps that would be left if for some reason those two ships failed to reach the atmosphere.
(The last of the blackmines exploded.)
One of the Visser’s two Bug fighters fired both of its Dracon beams, the twin needles of light flashing out across the vast distance that separated it from the onrushing invader. The alien ship made no move to dodge or slow—offered no counterattack—simply held steady as the Visser’s fighter poured energy into its forward shields. There was a glow that grew brighter, then brighter again—
The invader’s shields failed, and a moment later the ship vaporized, vanishing in a puff of fire and light.
Grim acknowledgement, begrudging respect, a shifting of the weights of various hypotheses—
They are measuring our capabilities, too.
The other invading ship suddenly swerved, abandoning its intercept course and shedding a quarter of its speed. The Visser turned his second fighter to compensate—
There was an impact, a physical impact, and the fighter’s shields dropped to a fraction of their strength as the engines fought to correct—
The invader fired two pulses of energy, and half a dozen nodes vanished from the Visser’s web.
There had been no visible propulsion, no telltale glimmer of radiation—
Kinetic bombardment?
A mass payload, released from the invading fighter, relying on its own preexisting momentum—
Cloaked?
Eyes darted and fingers twitched, reviewing recordings of the event from countless angles, searching for any sign of the projectile—a quiver of gravimetric readings, a brief dimming of a background star—
(The flow of ships across the Z-space bridge slowed, then stopped. The Visser’s sensors counted seven hundred and twenty-six surviving invaders, the blackmines and associated debris field having destroyed some thirty-seven thousand or so.)
Nothing. The projectile had been invisible to all sensors, meaning that the invaders possessed cloaking technology at least as advanced as that of the Andalites and possibly on par with the Chee—cloaking technology which they were not using on their primary ships, for some reason.
The Visser spun his surviving Bug fighter around, began preparing it for a Z-space jump. The foremost of the invaders was now only a minute or so away from the upper atmosphere, but the rearmost were well behind, including several of the largest carriers which had not yet begun to deploy their complement of smaller ships. Calculating the angle and modeling the expected shape of the debris cone, the Visser took careful aim—
The Bug fighter flickered in and out of Z-space, and the target ship lit up like a second sun as they collided at a relative velocity of two sevenths of the speed of light, triggering a wave of secondary explosions in an expanding cone behind it.
Seven hundred and nine.
Once again, the remaining ships responded in perfect unison, curving and swerving and dispersing, the cloud thinning as the invaders put vast swathes of empty space between one another before resuming their progress toward the planet below. The Visser watched, wondering, waiting to see whether any of them would retaliate in kind, either against the planet below or against any of the other orbiting spacecraft—
But no. They continued onward without slowing.
Not annihilation, then.
Or at least, not simple annihilation. Certainly they were responding to aggression—several other Bug fighters not under the Visser’s control had also moved to intercept, and were currently engaged in battle or had been swiftly destroyed. The Visser studied those engagements, too, with interest, folding the data into his ongoing evaluation—
A second carrier vanished in a dazzling flash of light, and the Visser rewound his recordings—
Ah.
One of the human-controlled Bug fighters had duplicated his maneuver, sacrificing itself to take out two more of the straggling carriers.
Seven hundred and seven.
Sixty-eight survivors of the largest class, the foremost of which had already launched eighty-two additional craft.
One hundred and forty-one of the second largest, which were carrying somewhere between forty and fifty-one smaller ships, based on what the Visser had seen so far.
Two hundred and sixty-three of the smallest class, each of which apparently contained seventeen other craft.
And two hundred and thirty-five of the midsized, muscular-looking freighters, none of which had launched any smaller ships yet—
(The Visser spoke through half a dozen mouths in half a dozen control rooms on the surface of the planet, and various scanners and telescopes converged on the closest of the freighters, recording as much information as they could as a pair of missiles began rising from a hidden silo outside Jalandhar.)
—over seventeen thousand individual vessels, all tearing toward the planet’s surface.
(Only then did it occur to him to attempt direct communication, and it was with no small amount of chagrin that he assigned a handful of appropriate bodies to begin hailing the ships on a wide range of electromagnetic, telepathic, and Z-space frequencies. But—unsurprisingly—there was no response, nor even any evidence that the signals had been received at all.)
The foremost of the ships was entering the atmosphere, now, surrounded by a bright corona of flame as it braked, and the Visser watched from above as, below, he moved his assets into position—
* * *
Marco
—1099511627776 (Hubei Province, China)—
With a sound like a chicken bone caught in a garbage disposal, the last bits of my jawbone finished melting and rearranging themselves, and I launched myself up into the clear night sky.
It was dark, and cold, the air thick and heavy with moisture. Normally, a recon mission would mean osprey, or maybe falcon, but those were gliding birds, evolved to float upward on rising swells of hot air. With only a couple of hours to go before dawn, there was no hot air, and that meant flapping—lots and lots of flapping.
But the goose body was a tank—could flap constantly for longer than I could stay morphed—and while its vision wasn’t quite as good as the osprey’s, it was still significantly better than a human’s.
Pumping my wings, I rose above the treetops and cleared the low ridge—
If I’d been in my own body, my jaw would have dropped. As it was, my wings literally missed a beat, and I almost fell out of the air.
The source of the angry, orange glow was a vast cone of fire hovering just above the horizon—unimaginably huge, lit up at the base by occasional flashes of blue like a distant thunderstorm. It seemed to be—to be reaching, stretching toward the Earth like the fiery breath of some monstrous dragon—
Nukes?
Were those nukes?
I’d seen the videos of the old nuclear tests—the bombs going off half a mile up in the air, the swelling balls of fire like the birth of a new star. Whatever this was, it was too far away for me to make out any real detail, but the fire seemed to be growing, new swathes of orange kindling in the wake of the lightning-bright flashes—
If those are nukes, that has to be—
A thousand miles away? Five thousand?
Impossibly distant. Impossibly distant, impossibly huge—the largest thing I’d ever seen, the largest thing I’d ever imagined seeing—
I spiraled back down, toward the camp where the others were waiting, huddled around the smoldering campfire.
Zhongzi spoke, words I didn’t understand, words I didn’t bother trying to process—something like nee kanjee shen mulloh.
‹I don’t know,› I said, feeling the familiar tingle of the morphing power sweep over my body. ‹I don’t know, but it—it can’t be good.›
* * *
—35184372088832 (Brussels, Belgium)—
Slowly, the weakness receded—the nausea and dizziness, the dull ache in my bones, the pain from the sores that covered my arms, my neck, my back. Soon enough, it was all gone, once more relegated to some anonymous corner of Z-space along with the rest of my dying body.
‹Wait here,› I said. ‹Two minutes.›
The cone of fire had stopped expanding, the flickers of lightning cutting off as if someone had flipped a switch. Already, the tip had darkened, the orange giving way to a dull blood red like cooling iron.
Stepping to the edge of the lightless roof, I spread my wings and began circling, fighting for altitude. I just needed to get high enough for one good glide—maybe twenty or thirty seconds during which I could turn the kestrel’s laser-sharp vision on the distant inferno, without the horizon getting in the way.
Hey, at least there’s no light pollution.
When I couldn’t take the strain any longer, I banked, turning my eyes toward the east—
Of course.
‹Something’s coming,› I said, as I swooped back down to the darkened rooftop where Scott and the others were waiting. I didn’t demorph. Every demorph meant two minutes in my real body, which meant two more minutes for my irradiated cells to continue their slow slide toward death.
“What do you mean, ‘something’?” asked Reeve.
‹Don’t know. But there were lights. Not just the explosion, I mean. Lots of little lights, streaking away from it—›
A memory danced across the surface of my thoughts—a ragged hole in the metal wall of a starship, three sparks of light sliding across the night sky—
‹Like satellites,› I finished. ‹Or—or maybe Bug fighters.›
There was a nervous rustle as the words sunk in.
“Heading which way?” Reeve asked.
‹Heading every way,› I answered. ‹There were—kind of a lot of them.›
“Heading here?”
I looked around the rooftop, at the tired, frightened faces barely visible in the fading orange glow. All of them were hungry, and dirty, and exhausted. Some of them hadn’t slept in days. Some of them were dying—had been inside the blast radius, like me, and were gradually succumbing to radiation sickness.
Only unlike me, none of them had the morphing technology to buy them time.
I looked back at the horizon.
We couldn’t run. We couldn’t move. Only a few of us could fight.
I thought about lying, but not for very long.
‹Yeah,› I said quietly. ‹Some of them were heading this way.›
* * *
—536870911 (Montreal, Canada)—
I held down the button on the battered old radio. “Rogue Leader, this is White Lotus. Repeat your last message, please—you’re seeing what? Over.”
* * *
—70368744177663 (Cairo, Egypt)—
The light had no source—no sun, no stars, no moon, no lamps. Just a watery, background glow, illuminating the vast, endless cavern, shining dimly on Roman triremes and Spanish galleons and German U-boats and Polynesian rafts and what looked like maybe an old Mississippi paddle boat—
I twitched, rolled over, and kept on dreaming.
* * *
—17592186044415 (Kabul, Afghanistan)—
I leveled the gun at the boy in the chair. “Talk,” I said. “Now.”
“Marco,” murmured Jachimowicz. “Marco, maybe you shouldn’t—”
“Shut up,” I said, without turning my head. “You. Now.”
Above us, the night sky was still tinged bloody orange as the scattered clouds absorbed and reflected the fading light from the distant explosions.
The boy shrugged, as much as he could through the ropes wrapped around his chest. “It isn’t me,” he said flatly.
“Then who is it?”
“Don’t know. Trying to figure that out right now.”
I glanced around the clearing—at Jachimowicz, looking unnerved, and Trantina, whose eyes kept darting skyward, and Baker, his face a hard mask. Over by the fire, Javier and Mira were huddled together, their expressions stricken, tight with fear and worry and uncertainty.
Yeah, no shit.
I looked back up at the monstrous swath of fire towering over us, feeling the way the people outside of Hiroshima must have felt when they saw the mushroom cloud. Whatever this was, it was so far beyond the scale of what I knew how to deal with—
“For the record, though,” said the boy, “those are my mines going off up there.”
“What?”
“The explosions. What you’re seeing are the effects of a countermeasure I left around the mouth of the Z-space bridge. You know, in case the Andalites got any funny ideas. Or you guys, for that matter.”
It took my brain two or three tries to pull up the relevant memory—Thàn Suoros’s map, a spot the Visser kept visiting over and over again, a quick way in and out of the system—
“Something’s coming through?” I asked. “From—from the outside?”
* * *
—8796093022208 (Yeerk flagship)—
‹—says there are about seventeen thousand of them in total. Not Yeerk, not Andalite. He doesn’t know who they are, doesn’t recognize the tech, says they aren’t responding to any attempts to communicate.›
I paused, my eyes tracing uselessly around the pitch-black void of the closet. It was quiet—nothing other than the hum of the ship’s machinery and the soft whisper of ventilation, none of the footsteps and distant voices I sometimes thought I could hear.
‹Says he’s broadcasting sensor data on standard alert frequencies, if we want to listen in,› I continued. ‹He says—says they’re coordinating, learning fast. Adapting, like the Borg. He’s tried a couple of tricks, and some of them worked, but none of them worked twice, even when he tried them five thousand miles apart. Says he doesn’t think they’re a hive-mind, though—too much independence of movement. So he says, anyway. Over.›
I fell silent, waiting to see if there would be any response. Any reason to believe that anyone out there was listening at all.
You could just ask, you know.
I gritted my teeth.
Or—and hear me out—you could just open the fucking door.
No. Not yet.
There was a tickle at the edge of my awareness, a sensation like someone slipping an envelope under a door as the shard of Edriss living in my skull quietly left more information for me to transmit before retreating back into her usual aloofness.
Ships touching down in Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan.
Ships en-route to Russia, India, Europe, Africa, Southeast Asia.
Fires burning in Shanghai, Kyoto, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Bangkok—ships bombarding from above, conventional weaponry, widespread damage.
Ships primarily landing on the dark side of the planet; very few crossing over to the day side or staying in high orbit.
They were relayed claims from the Visser, and direct observations from Cousteau—who was down on the surface somewhere, in touch with Terra, and sometimes with the Chee, too—information coming in from everywhere, a dozen little snippets every minute, and here I was, locked inside a box—
Locked? It’s literally not locked—
I didn’t pass along any of the new information. Jake and Marco and Helium would be able to see all of that for themselves, wherever they were.
Unless they’re not there. Unless they had to split up to deal with a bunch of crises, and there’s just one of them on the bridge, alone, maybe overwhelmed—
Shut up.
I felt Edriss’s eyes on me—the faint, telltale pressure that meant she was attending to me, to my thoughts and experiences in particular.
What? I snarled.
She gave no answer.
I reached out in the darkness, groping for the cool metal of the bulkhead, then squeezed my hand into a fist and hammered against it—once—twice—three times—
Ow.
There was a crackle of mental static, the feel of another mind close to mine—Edriss’s mental hologram of Cousteau. She did this, from time to time—bridging the gap between us, somehow, letting us talk directly to one another rather than just relaying our thoughts.
Or at least, she makes us think that’s what’s happening.
Just the three of us—me in orbit, and Livingstone out in Z-space, and Cousteau down on Earth. We’d agreed to keep Vasco blacked out, since there was no telling what kind of damage the Visser might be able to do to the rest of us with a more direct link. We hadn’t been able to think of anything he might do, but that didn’t mean it was worth the risk.
‹Magellan.›
My own voice. Not just in the way that thought-speak always was, but really my own voice, in a way that maybe even Garrett wouldn’t be able to tell apart.
‹Yeah,› I answered. ‹I’m here.›
‹You with Jake?› he asked. ‹Or Marco?›
‹No,› I said. ‹Still in the box.›
There was a long silence as we each thought the same thoughts at the same time, playing out the conversation in parallel like identical games of solitaire.
You haven’t—
Of course I have, he’s just not answering.
And you didn’t think that maybe that’s because—
No.
Why not?
Because.
So, uh. You know that thing where you were, like, hey, I’m going to lock myself in a closet just in case the Edriss link is giving V3 more access than we think it is, and we were all worried about you going crazy, because isolation makes people crazy, and you were all, like, fuck that, I’m not going to go crazy, I’m smarter than that—
‹It’s not worth the risk,› I said aloud.
‹Magellan. The fucking sky is on fire.›
Which is exactly the kind of situation in which V3 could count on me breaking quarantine—
Holy shit, are you listening to yourself?
‹Okay, so, reality check,› said Cousteau. ‹Either this isn’t Visser Three, in which case he’s pulling a major the-villain-from-two-seasons-ago-wants-to-join-forces and we should definitely consider it, or this is him, and he’s got enough firepower to take out every ship in the fleet about eight times over—›
‹Fine,› I said. ‹I’ll go to the bridge.›
The other copy of me sort of—nodded, somehow, the feeling of agreement washing across the link between us. ‹Great, thanks,› he said dryly. ‹Meanwhile, we might have a problem.›
‹You don’t say.›
‹I mean more of a problem. None of the Chee are here right now, so we don’t have direct intel, but what V3 is telling us matches up with our other sources. They’ve got a handful of ships up high keeping an eye on the whole planet, but the landers are all on one half of the planet. And some of the ones in Japan and southeast Asia are picking up and leaving as the sun rises.›
‹And the punch line is—›
‹Punch line is—well, remember that story about how the Chee’s creators were all slaughtered? By a marauding race of killing machines?›
‹They were called howlers or screamers or something, right? You’re telling me—›
‹Yep. They don’t like the light.›
* * *
—549755813887 (Rustfontein nature reserve, South Africa)—
Once again I felt the icepick pain at the base of my spine, followed by the now-familiar cold, prickling numbness.
“Feel that?” Isaac asked.
I twisted my head around to see him kneeling on the ground, poking his finger into the groove where my leg met my body.
‹Nope,› I said, turning my head forward again. ‹Ready.›
I braced myself. There was a soft whooshing sound—a savage, jerking impact—a wave of dizziness as my vision clouded—
“You okay?” Juliano whispered.
Another impact.
‹I think the axe is getting duller,› I bit out.
Another.
“Last one for today,” Juliano called out.
Another.
‹It’s fine,› I said. ‹There’s no—gahh!›
A final impact, and the bone came loose with a sickening crunch, my body rolling over on the blood-soaked ground.
“Clear!” Nita shouted. “Demorph!”
‹Already on it,› I said, trying to keep my mental voice steady.
It was amazing how quickly you could get used to things.
‹Listen, there’s no point in holding off if—›
“We have plenty,” Juliano said firmly. “Eight legs will feed everyone in the camp.”
‹This morning, you said we needed twelve.›
Slowly, the fog was receding, my vision sharpening as the morphing tech sealed over the huge, gaping wound and my own human leg began to emerge from the body of the dying cow.
“Eight is enough,” Juliano repeated. “The scavenging party comes back tomorrow, anyway.”
I didn’t argue. I was pushing it on morphing sickness as it was—we’d spaced out the butcherings to leave about thirty minutes in between each one, but that was still sixteen separate transformations, and it was already well after dark.
“Smells good, eh?” said Isaac, winking as he wiped the blade of the axe with an old, filthy towel.
Nita punched him on the arm, and he lifted the axe in mock threat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taylor and Ebrahim hauling the severed leg over to the cleaning table, and felt a sudden surge of nausea.
Hey, I wonder what happens if you throw up mid-morph?
The thing was, it did smell good. The fire had been burning all afternoon, and the seventh leg was just now starting to drip and sizzle. And I was starving—could feel that dull, delirious, floating feeling that came along with real hunger.
But A, that was my own leg, technically it was just the cow’s leg but that didn’t stop my brain from being absolutely certain that that was my leg roasting over there—
And B, there were five hundred people in the camp, and the last two scavenging parties had come back empty-handed, and the one before that hadn’t come back at all. I could wait a little longer—at least until there weren’t any more kids waiting in line to eat.
“So,” Juliano murmured, as the demorph finished and I pushed myself wearily to my feet. “We going to talk about when you’re getting out of here?”
I looked up at the starlit sky. “A few more days, maybe,” I said. “Get the whole ‘everybody’s starving’ situation under control, get you guys on your feet.”
“That’s what you said two days ago.”
“I don’t know what ‘a few’ means around here, but where I come from, it means three or four.”
“So—Tuesday, then?”
“I said a few more days from now.”
“Marco—”
“What?” I snapped. “It’s not like I had somewhere to be, Juliano. Not like I have any idea where to go now.”
“You’re never going to have an idea where to go if you don’t—”
Juliano broke off, eyes going wide in the firelight as three sharp pops cut through the cool night air, echoing off the hills.
I felt a chill run down my spine. “Is that—”
Three more pops, then two more, then a sudden, sustained crackling, like the grand finale of a fireworks show.
“Weapons,” I said tightly. “Now.”
There were screams, now—faint, distant, coming from the far side of the camp. All around us, the crowd was stirring—parents grabbing children, men and women hefting sticks and rocks. Over by the fire, Isaac had picked up his axe, and Nita was shoving rounds into the magazine of a blocky, squarish handgun.
“Can you—” Juliano began, but he broke off again as he saw that I was already morphing, my shoulders bulging and swelling as I focused on the memory of the elephant I had acquired in Zinave. Turning to the fire, he grabbed a flaming branch—
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
It cut through the rest of the noise like a knife, coming from the same direction as the distant gunfire. It was a sound unlike anything I’d ever heard. Alien. Otherworldly. And it hurt—hurt like feedback from a microphone, as if it were ten times louder than it actually was.
The screaming was louder, now, as the people running away from whatever-it-was came closer, the first of the fleeing refugees now streaming between the nearest tents.
The screaming was louder, but the gunshots had stopped.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
“What is it?” Juliano asked, a hint of wild panic creeping into his voice. “The Yeerks? The Visser?”
“Don’t know,” I croaked, the words barely recognizable as my mouth and throat dissolved and rearranged themselves. The morph was happening slower than usual, exhaustion setting in as if I were slogging my way up a sand dune.
You overdid it.
“Do we run?”
“What do you th—”
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
I screamed, the sound a horrifying blend of human and elephant. I tried to clap my hands to my ears, but the transformation had gone too far and my shoulders didn’t bend that way anymore.
Right. Elephants. Ears.
“That one was behind us,” said Nita grimly.
I started demorphing as quickly as I could, keening through my teeth as another howl sliced its way directly into the pain centers of my brain.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
“They’re on all sides—”
“What is on all sides—”
“The water! Head for the lake!”
No, you idiots—
I was three-quarters demorphed, unable to use thought-speak, unable to use my normal voice. Around me, the mass of people surged, following Isaac and Nita, draining away into the night. Juliano took a pair of faltering steps, paused to look back at me—
Trap, I tried to say, but all that came out was a choking sound.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
And Juliano was gone.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
Three.
There were three of them—or at least, the sounds were coming from three directions. From the south, where we’d first heard the shots, and the north, and the hills to the east.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
And from the west—from the lake—
Silence.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
I still couldn’t see anything coming, which meant I maybe had enough time to morph, or maybe I should just run—
Which way?
Southeast, out of the trap and away toward the plain, or—
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
God dammit.
I was already running, my heart in my throat, stumbling over rocks and bushes as I raced toward the distant lakeshore, trailing behind the mob of idiots I’d spent the past week trying to keep alive. One more—I had maybe one more morph left in me.
Gorilla?
Tiger?
Rhino?
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
They all had good hearing—every morph I had had good hearing, I hadn’t acquired anything with bad hearing—
I thought I could hear noises behind me—the crack of twigs, the thud of footsteps.
Too late.
Morph armor.
I focused as I ran, feeling the tingle sweep over me—slowly, so slowly—
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
What was it? Not a Hork-Bajir, not a Gedd, not a Taxxon—
Something new? Something Visser Three developed?
Pushing past the last, gentle rise, I staggered to a halt. The lake spread out before me, waves twinkling in the starlight. The refugees were spread out along the shore, some of them wading out into the shallows, others racing north and south along the bank. A few small knots stood clumped like legionnaires by the water’s edge, weapons ready—
“Marco! Over here!”
It was pure luck, that I happened to see it. That I happened to be looking in just the right direction—happened to be just a little bit uphill, so that I could see over the heads of Isaac and Nita and Juliano.
There was a figure in the shallows—a refugee, splashing out toward deeper water.
Then there were two—another, smaller shadow, rising up out of nowhere.
Then there were none.
“There’s something in the water!” I screamed, but the words were drowned out by another unearthly howl—excruciatingly close—and I threw myself to the side as I saw Nita raise her gun—
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
I don’t know if there were any gunshots. I don’t know if I would have heard them.
I rolled to my feet, hands clapped over my bleeding ears. To my left, the mass of refugees, crowded up against the shore, turning and running—
“Not into the water!” I screamed.
No one heard.
To my right—
It was a small, compact figure—about my height—with what looked like two arms, two legs, and an oddly pinched body. It stepped forward, its movements eerily smooth, its head staying perfectly level as it walked right past me and toward the rapidly fleeing mob.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
That time, I heard the shots, sounding feeble and hollow after the sheer Biblical power of the alien howl. I saw the creature jerk, then spin, its upper half turning all the way around—
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!
There were no more gunshots after that. There was no more anything after that, from my perspective—the last howl scrambled my brain, and the next thing I knew, I was on my hands and knees, crawling through the undergrowth, inch-long thorns breaking off in my palms, my shins. I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t think—wasn’t thinking of saving the others, wasn’t even thinking of how to save myself. It was like a fever dream, delirious, my limbs moving on instinct, on reflex, following a primal, wordless urge to be anywhere-other-than-here.
I don’t know how long it was before they caught up to me. Long enough that I’d dragged myself half a mile, maybe. Long enough to have burned through every last scrap of energy I had, used up every drop of adrenaline my body was capable of producing. Long enough that even if I had seen them coming, it wouldn’t have made any difference.
But I never saw them. Just felt the impact—that same familiar icepick sensation, the spreading cold as feeling gave way to numbness. Then a horrifying wrongness—a sense of violation—of movement where there shouldn’t be movement—not pain, exactly, but a sick, frantic certainty that that’s a knife, that’s a knife in my back, that’s a knife INSIDE MY BODY—
Then darkness.
Stillness.
Void.
Slowly, the all-encompassing horror receded, melting into something like mere terror. Slowly—one word at a time—I managed to put together a thought.
Am I dead?
Time oozed.
Apparently not.
Apparently not, but I was acutely aware of the utter absence of any physical sensation. Not just numbness, but nothingness. No sight, no hearing, no smell.
No heartbeat.
No breathing.
Absolutely nothing at all.
It took me a minute to piece it together, to dredge up the memory—
It demorphed while we weren’t looking, demorphed out of a corpse, turned back into David, and it had a ton of weapons—
Tom’s voice, from what felt like a thousand years ago. Tom, telling Jake about Visser Three’s ambush, how the body they’d thought they’d killed had demorphed and come after them again.
That wasn’t my real body that died just now. That was a morph—my morph armor—my real body is still safe somewhere off in Z-space.
I’d just never actually died in morph before. None of us had. We’d never thought of it, never tested it—had heard Tom’s story and just completely failed to put two and two together.
I was dead.
Right now, I was dead, lying in the dirt in the middle of South Africa. But whatever magic was keeping my real body in stasis—whatever impossible alien technology allowed me to think and reason like a human even when I had the brain of an ant or a fly—it was still working.
Which meant that I could probably demorph, just like Visser Three had. Demorph right back into my regular body, which would be fine, just like always—just like it had been eight times today already.
I felt the fear welling up, then, in the middle of that vast emptiness—the fear that I had been too scrambled to properly feel during my panic and confusion.
If I demorphed—
If I demorphed, I’d be right back in the middle of it. Right back where something had just killed me, without me ever even getting a good look at it. Where something had herded us all into a box and started dragging people under the water.
Well, you’re gonna have to demorph eventually anyway—
Eventually, sure. But I’d only been in morph—what—thirty or forty minutes?
I had time.
I could wait it out, wait until right up to the time limit—
What about everyone else?
I felt my thoughts freeze.
Back there, at the camp, in the split second when I’d realized it was a trap, I had followed them—Isaac and Nita and Juliano and the rest. Followed them without thinking, followed them because on some level I’d started to think it was my job to keep them alive—
And look where that got you.
That—
Wasn’t entirely fair. I was still alive, after all.
Yeah, but it’s not like you saved anybody.
But I still could.
Oh?
Okay, maybe not—
You shouldn’t even be trying. You’re more important to the war effort than five hundred randos. I’m sorry, but that’s just true. Especially if these—these whatever-they-ares, these screamers, if they’re here then they’re probably other places, too—if waiting an extra hour makes it more likely that you get out of this alive—
When I demorphed, I would be in my own body. My own weak, fragile, ordinary human body.
Like when Jake had demorphed in the tunnel under the Yeerk pool.
And I wasn’t sure I’d be able to morph again, either—not for hours. I might be able to pull off one last transformation, maybe.
Are you kidding me? Is this even a question?
But it was a question. It was a question because I could feel just how relieved I was, that I had a plausible excuse for staying right where I was, a convenient story where actually, I was being noble and responsible by leaving five hundred innocent refugees to face whatever-the-hell-those-things-were on their own—
Just because you’re relieved doesn’t make it the wrong call!
Except that the whole thing was a house of cards, it was all based on one crucial little assumption—that it actually mattered whether I survived, that me surviving was actually worth more than five hundred lives, and that was clearly bogus, I’d been wandering around for weeks trying to figure out some way to plug back in to the overall conflict and I hadn’t found a single place where I could make one damn bit of difference until I’d stumbled across the refugee camp—
In the end, I didn’t actually decide in the sense of making-up-my-mind. I just—couldn’t take it anymore. The emptiness, the nothingness. I had to get out, couldn’t take one more minute alone in that boundless, disembodied void, listening to myself argue with myself. Pulling together the last tattered scraps of what was left of my willpower, I focused—
Thank god.
Ninety seconds later, and the world was back.
I was lying on my face, motionless, my eyes still closed, the cold night air all around me. It was quiet. Not silent—I could hear stuff—buzzing insects, fluttering bats, the soft slap of water on the nearby shore.
But there were no voices. No footsteps. Only small sounds.
I cracked open one eye.
Darkness.
I lay there for what must have been half an hour, feeling the morphing fatigue fade, trying to ignore the argument that continued in the back of my mind. It took four separate tries, but I finally managed to transform, forcing myself into the body of a bat and launching wearily into the sky.
Well, that settles that.
I could feel myself going cold, feel the way I pulled back from it, retreated from it, drawing the ruthlessness around me like armor.
Nothing moved. Nothing except the floating corpses, bumping gently against each other in the shallows, and the rats and jackals already beginning to pick at the bodies on the shore. There were hundreds of them—some burned, some dismembered, some looking like they had been killed with the very weapons they’d been holding. I spotted Isaac’s axe, upright like a flagpole in the center of a dark, wet mound, and it took a full ten seconds for me to realize that the mound was Isaac—
I turned, banking and heading back toward the camp. If there were any survivors, they might have doubled back around—
Nope.
There were people at the camp, but they, too, were dead. And the animals—the dogs, the horses, the cow whose body I had worn all day. It was a graveyard, a slaughterhouse, carnage like nothing I’d seen in a dozen full-on battles. It was the tunnel under the Yeerk pool times a hundred, the nightmare of the Arn forest transplanted back onto Earth.
These were civilians.
More than that, they were hosts—at least, potential hosts. Yeerks wouldn’t do this. Visser Three wouldn’t do this—not by hand, not to some random group of refugees in the backwoods of nowhere.
Andalites?
Andalite shock troops, denying the Yeerks the bodies they needed?
But—
But Andalites would just bombard the planet from orbit.
This—
This was on purpose.
Whatever had done this, this was the goal.
What the hell was going on?
* * *
Visser
It had been easier than he had feared, bringing down a few of the invaders without entirely destroying their bodies.
Easier than he had feared, but it would not be so easy again. The creatures were learning, adapting, tactical information spreading instantly across the entire invading force. The Visser had sprung all six of his ambushes simultaneously—had successfully taken each of the aliens unawares, with two out of six dying on the first shot and the other four surviving for only a handful of extra seconds—
(This thanks to the Visser’s preparedness; the creatures were extremely durable, and he had simply brought firepower to spare.)
—but the mere fact of six simultaneous defeats was itself significant, given how little effective resistance they were meeting everywhere else, and with his thousands of other eyes, the Visser could see that the rest of the invaders had noticed, and were now suddenly on guard.
(Tactic: present the collective with a new and distracting stimulus, then hit them while they process it.)
((To-do: insulate yourself against any such tactic.))
As soon as the thought occurred to him, he took action. There were one hundred eighty-six thousand, two hundred eighty-two human bodies under his control, and in the space of a breath, they self-assorted into four categories—one of them comprising forty percent of the total, or some seventy-five thousand bodies, the next thirty percent, the next twenty, and the last ten. The largest group maintained their immediate, real-time connection to the memory pool, each streaming their experiences at all times and able to access the experiences of the rest at will. The second largest group withdrew a small distance, checking in every ten seconds or so to both read and write. The third withdrew yet further, operating autonomously except for a check-in roughly every hundred seconds, and the fourth every thousand.
(Within each group, individuals staggered themselves, of course, so that no one surprising update would distract all of them simultaneously.)
Meanwhile, his six teams scooped the six bodies into six waiting ships, and launched upward at full speed. One ship was destroyed by a passing squadron before it had even reached cloud-height, and another was targeted by a straggler dropping down from space, but the other four escaped the red zone and quickly lost themselves in the vast expanse of high orbit.
Within them, the Visser got to work.
He had—by necessity—taken out his chosen targets with excessive and overwhelming force. Between the four remaining bodies, he had only one undamaged head and one intact torso, but that was enough to complete a map of the creatures’ anatomy, and to confirm his suspicion.
The creatures were—as he had guessed—the same species whose genetic information he had found within the god-archives, and whose psychophysiology he had incorporated into his current form. They were individuals—sort of. Each had the capacity for independent thought and movement, but they were all connected—just as the Visser’s many shards were now connected—via a single shared memory, one vast collection of knowledge and experience that each of them both added to and drew from. Like individual servers in the human internet—each brain held its own information, which the other brains could access, duplicate, analyze, and store within their own skulls as needed.
(In the Visser’s extended collective, this had a unifying and amplifying effect on his singular will, ensuring that no Visser shard drifted too far from the goals and values of his own central mind. Yet the invaders were not behaving as a single individual—not even close. Through his thousands of eyes, the Visser was watching as they pursued a truly dizzying array of objectives—some of them firebombing human populations from above, others disembarking to do battle directly, both in groups and as individuals, while still others were engaging in all sorts of bizarre and erratic behavior. There were hundreds of them eating various human foods, or haphazardly operating human vehicles; many were tearing through human domiciles or collecting human tools and artifacts, the majority of which they were wildly misusing. At one point, every single invader within the Visser’s extended sight dropped what they were doing and began what seemed to be an exhaustive search pattern, ending in the wholesale slaughter of over three thousand Indian rhinoceroses in a wave of one-on-one battles that took the lives of some six hundred of the invaders as well.)
They were formidable creatures—small, but densely built, with thick, nerveless skin capable of absorbing significant cuts and blows, and sheets of tough, fibrous muscle surrounding most of their internal organs. Their eyes were deep-set and lidded with a scaly, chitinous material that was impervious to the Visser’s scalpels, though it yielded easily enough to a laser cutter—
Beneath the skin was a shockingly dense forest of capillaries, which a quick test showed could absorb and dissipate the heat from a beam weapon, as well as deliver clotting agents and immune cells to any injury—
There was a place where the torso narrowed, the flesh pinching down to an organ that looked unnervingly like a ball bearing, and the Visser confirmed that yes, the upper torso could spin almost entirely freely, the nerves and blood vessels twisting within a central, elastic column while the flesh and bone rotated around it. It took three full spins for the tissue to show any sign of distress, and another two before the fibers began to tear—
The Visser carried out his investigation with clinical precision, noting down the small number of weak points. A vulnerable junction where the neck met the base of the skull, and nerves could be severed with a precise strike. A pair of soft entryways near the hip joint on the back of each leg—presumably for defecation, or perhaps intercourse—covered by armored flaps. A spot just under the knee joint, where an artery came close enough to the surface that it might be susceptible to a tail blade strike.
They existed, but there were few. Far fewer than with most species, and in unexpected locations, while other places that seemed weak—such as the central ball bearing, or the noticeably smoother skin of the lower abdomen—were much tougher than they appeared, lures to draw a futile attack. Having completed his autopsy—and being in his newer, stronger body—the Visser was confident that he could defeat one in unarmed combat, if it came to that. But if he’d had to go into the fight blind—
Well. That was why he hadn’t gone into the fight blind.
(In a maze-like jhuggi in Ahmedabad, one of his morph-capable bodies managed to get close enough to a dying invader to acquire it. Moving swiftly, the Visser created an extraction corridor for the host, starting by luring the other invaders away toward nearby concentrations of terrified, hiding humans.)
Now, if he could just devise a proper countermeasure for that damned howling—
* * *
Marco
—1099511627776 (Hubei Province, China)—
‹We stay low,› I said. ‹We stay low, we stay quiet, we get out alive.›
* * *
—35184372088832 (Brussels, Belgium)—
I watched from the cathedral tower as the ship settled softly to the ground, hissing and ticking like an overheated car engine. It was small—maybe a little bigger than a Cessna, about halfway in between the size of Helium’s cradle and a Bug fighter, all straight lines and sharp angles. It didn’t look Yeerk, and it didn’t look Andalite. It looked—
Dangerous.
Like a stealth bomber, or the Tumbler from the Batman movies—like it was trying to send a message just by how it looked. Do not mess with me. It will not go well for you.
I flexed my cracked, bleeding fingers, wishing I had chosen a different spot when we’d set up camp two nights before. I’d been thinking about search-and-rescue teams, about keeping the group close to the obvious places where people might look for us—
Yeah, well, good job, asshole.
I began to morph, hoping that the ancient stone beneath me would hold. I’d waited until the last possible moment, not wanting to be visible from the sky—
‹Just the one ship,› I whispered. ‹The other ones kept going. I’m going to try talking to them. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to take it out.›
‹Marco—›
‹Shut up, Reeve, this isn’t a debate. If these guys are hostile, and I eat it out there, you’re the last line of defense.›
‹Marco—›
‹Keep them alive, Reeve.›
* * *
—68719476735 (Jacksonville, North Carolina, USA)—
“—mostly been bombing the larger population centers, and making a game out of taking on medium-sized groups. We’ve got about three hours before they start showing up, so we need to start dispersing people, now. Food, water, clothes, medicine, only what they can carry. Don’t bother with the cities, they’re already doomed. Focus on the suburbs. Use the choppers—you don’t need to conserve fuel, by tomorrow morning there’s not going to be a single functioning aircraft in the entire state. At sundown, you land, and you hide. Visual and IR—use paint if you have it, try not to let your breath fog up. Don’t waste ammo on their ships; you won’t make a dent and you’ll give your position away. Save your shots until they’re on the ground. Remember, once one of them knows where you are, all of them know it, so hit hard and move on. If you’ve got anything weaker than a bazooka, then you’re going to need to hit them at the base of the skull or the back of the knee. And knock the rust off your hand signs—you’re going to want earplugs and earmuffs. If you can hear each other talking, you’re vulnerable to the howl.”
My eyes traced around the mass of uniformed men. “Questions? Because in about three minutes, this briefing is over and I’m heading for Cherry Point.”
They looked back and forth at each other, faces tight.
“How do you know all this?” demanded the man in front—a middle-aged veteran with a burn scar on his face and two silver stars on his lapel. “We’ve been trying to raise central for days and haven’t heard anything.”
The shard of Yeerk flesh inside my skull twitched my lips upward in a knowing smile. “Ancient Chinese secrets,” my voice said.
I want to say that I fought. That I resisted. That I was screaming inside, and doing everything I could to throw off his control.
But this was the third stop we’d made in the past hour. The third stop since Visser Three had literally changed direction, mid-flight, as-far-as-I-could-tell completely out of the blue, and gone into crisis mode.
And after hearing him give the same spiel three different times—
I don’t know. It wasn’t like I believed him, exactly.
But—
What could he possibly stand to gain?
And if this was real—
‹Glad at least one of you is seeing things clearly,› whispered the voice of my captor. ‹Got any tips on talking sense into the others?›
* * *
—70368744177663 (Cairo, Egypt)—
I awoke to the sound of shattering glass, wild orange light dancing on the ceiling above me. I threw myself to the floor—grabbed the handgun from under the pillow—waited for a horrified half-dozen heartbeats before pushing back to my feet and carefully tilting my head around the shards of glass edging the now-open window.
What—
Fire. Half the world was fire, a wall ten stories high, cutting across the city maybe nine blocks away. There was a shriek—a howl like the engine of a fighter jet—and something flew past at crop-dusting height, almost too fast to see, a new line of explosions blossoming in its wake.
Visser Three was bombing the city.
Turning, I bolted for the door, sprinting to the end of the hall and taking the stairs three at a time, my skin already starting to itch as it melted and shattered into feathers. I burst out onto the roof just as the bomber—or another bomber?—flew past again, heading in the other direction this time, only five blocks away. The heat was like a blast from an open oven, and down below I could see people running, screaming, trying to hide.
You’re not gonna m—
I shut down the thought, focusing, forcing the morph as quickly as I could. I just needed one more minute—
The bomber’s howl began to grow louder again. I turned, my eyes searching the horizon as my vision sharpened. It should be—
There.
I could see it, just barely—a tiny, gleaming black speck, backlit by the wave of hellfire rising behind it. It was headed almost straight for me—was going to pass just one block to the north—and it was too late, it had happened too fast, my morph wasn’t even halfway complete, this was my last chance to have some kind of thought, the last thing I would ever think, come on, what did I want it to be—
Mom’s sailboat—
* * *
—8796093022208 (Yeerk flagship)—
Jake looked up as I entered the bridge, and I swear I actually stumbled.
He looked—
Old.
Weathered. Cold. Like—like Stonehenge, or dinosaur bones, or something—old enough that all the soft parts had eroded away, and what was left would last for ten thousand years.
I’d never seen a look quite like that on Jake’s face before. It wasn’t hard-on-purpose, the way he used to look when he was steeling himself for something. This was hard the way a piece of scrap metal was hard. Like that was just how it was. Not like it was trying.
“Helium’s been recording your intel,” he said.
Well, hello to you, too.
The joke died before it ever reached my lips.
He gave a curt nod toward an empty seat near the center of the bridge. I glanced around the room. There was Helium, standing center stage, their arms stretched out to a pair of manipulators, their stalk eyes darting back and forth. And there were eight Hork-Bajir—six of them at command stations, and two standing at attention near the back of the bridge.
No Marco. No Garrett. No Ante, no Rachel.
“I need to talk to Visser Three,” said Jake.
“What—”
“Now, Magellan.”
I took in a slow, deep breath.
There was a part of me that had flared up in defiance and indignation entirely by reflex—what, like I’m just your errand boy, now—
But it was tiny. The rest of me—the most of me—just felt sad.
It was a Marco kind of move, snapping an order like that. Blunt, ruthless, fuck-your-feelings. The kind of cold that Jake hadn’t ever had to be.
“Connecting,” I sighed.
I felt Edriss move closer, felt her reach out and seize control—
“Do you understand, Jake Berenson?”
I would never get used to it. The feeling of my muscles moving, my tongue and lips forming words I hadn’t chosen to put there—it was like the way it felt to hear a recording of my own voice, except the unnerving strangeness was inside me.
“I understand that they’re trying to force us to team up,” Jake said levelly. His eyes were still pointed forward, watching the dance of lights on the viewscreen. “That this is about putting us under pressure. What I don’t understand is why.”
Who—what—
Oh.
“You understand that they view this as acceptable? That this death and destruction is a tool, in their hands?”
“You killed half a billion humans last week.”
“Can we skip this part? Remember that I am what they made me, and I am only here because they led me here.”
“So your plan is to do their plan, then?” Jake demanded, an edge of brittle anger forcing its way through the dull metal. “You see them trying to shove us together, and that sounds like a good thing to just—go along with?”
“They maneuvered us into being enemies in the first place, Jake. Any move we make will turn out to have been a part of their game. But while you dither, waiting to make up your mind, your people are dying in agony. Every hour ends fifty million more lives. Why not move to the next stage as soon as possible?”
“And what does ‘moving to the next stage’ look like to you, exactly?”
“You give me the cube. I’ll kill the invaders.”
“And the part where I say ‘if it’s that easy, why not just do it already?’”
My shoulders shrugged. “I’m not the one being…incentivized, here.”
“I already blew up the cube.”
My lips stretched into a death’s-head grin. “No, you didn’t,” the Visser said. “Because if you had, there would no longer be any reason for me to involve myself in this conflict at all.”
Jake drew a finger across his throat, and suddenly my muscles were my own again as Edriss broke the link and withdrew.
“Helium,” Jake said. “Fifty million?”
‹It is a reasonable estimate, Prince Jake. The bulk of the Howler activity is small-scale, with thirteen out of every fourteen ships landing and dispersing ground troops. But the fourteenth part accounts for the vast majority of total deaths, via direct firebombing of population clusters. There are well over a thousand ships engaged in such activity at present, primarily in east Asia, India, and Europe.›
Fifty million out of seven billion—knock off the zeros—five into seven hundred—
One hundred and…forty?
My throat went dry.
That’s six days.
In six days, they will have killed everyone on the planet.
Well, no—things will taper off once there aren’t any cities left to bomb—
I forced my mind back into the present.
“Jake,” I said softly. “What’s the endgame, here?”
He didn’t look at me. Just kept staring straight ahead, his eyes tracing the same circuit around the viewscreens, over and over.
“We don’t have enough ships to fight them,” he said. “Not by a lot.” ‹And I have to worry about mutiny if we try to put the fleet in real danger.›
I didn’t twitch, but just barely.
Of course he’s in morph armor. You’re in morph armor.
“And Visser Three probably can kill them all,” he continued, switching back to regular speech.
“But?” I prompted.
“They’re not attacking anything on the day side. Not even with their ships. Not anything—including other ships landing and taking off. I sent Ante to check.”
“Ante? Why not just send a—”
I broke off. I didn’t actually want to finish asking that question out loud, and I really didn’t want to hear Jake answer it.
“Where’s Marco?” I asked.
“He was nightside when they started coming across the bridge. Right in the middle of it, actually. We haven’t heard from him in a while.”
Calm. Level. Like it wasn’t interesting or meaningful at all.
Well, practice makes perfect.
I turned my eyes to the viewscreens, tried to see what Jake was seeing. The bright lights swarming all over Asia, Europe, Africa, and the Middle East. The red dots representing the fleet, hanging motionless around the edges of the projection. The outlines of North and South America, mostly empty of activity—
Oh.
“Terra?” I asked.
“Terra,” Jake answered.
They’re not attacking anything on the day side—
“You’re thinking it’s a trap?”
Jake shook his head. “Not a trap. If they wanted us dead, we’d be dead. It’s a funnel. They’re narrowing our options, giving us a choice—team up with Visser Three, or evacuate Terra and run.”
“Run where?”
“Out through the bridge.”
I let my eyes flutter shut. ‹Edriss,› I whispered. ‹Are all the mines gone?›
There was a moment of silence.
‹He says yes. And helpfully adds that the debris is all falling planetward, and that the area immediately around the bridge is clear. And asks if we want an escort down to the Amazon.›
I swore.
“Visser Three—”
“—knows about Terra, yeah,” Jake interrupted. “Of course he does.”
Still calm. Flat. Almost detached—like it was just a puzzle, or some gadget he was trying to figure out how to take apart.
Okay, fine. It’s a puzzle. What are all the pieces?
The Howlers.
The Visser, and all of his puppet bodies.
The fleet.
What was left of the human war machine—the resistance, Tobias’s auxiliary morphers, all the preppers out in their bunkers with guns.
Terra.
‹Quatazhinnikon’s work,› Edriss whispered. ‹When Visser Three said that he could kill all of the invaders, he was probably referring to a quantum virus.›
‹Could he make one on the spot like that?›
A mental shrug.
What else, what else…
Hyperdrive bombs?
The Andalite military?
Other alien species—
Oh. Duh.
‹Edriss. Where are the Chee right now?›
* * *
—1099511627776 (Hubei Province, China)—
‹Left. Go past that hedge, then turn and follow along it. When you get to the road, turn right.›
Down below, Zhongzi’s arm swung in a chopping motion, and the group turned toward the south. I pumped my wings, carving my way higher into the sky, and wheeled back in the direction of the cluster of houses.
The creatures were everywhere. Tearing through windows—tearing through walls—firing beam weapons at cars and pets, chasing fleeing victims through yards and down the wide, empty street.
I climbed higher.
The countryside was a patchwork, an archipelago, with clusters of twenty or thirty or fifty buildings spaced every couple thousand feet, and wide swathes of farmland in between. There were maybe fifteen clusters within a mile of the spot directly below me, and dozens more in sight.
And four of the alien ships.
By now, the pattern was clear. A ship would land. A few dozen of the creatures would spill out. They would spend ten minutes or so tearing into everything in sight. Then, once there was no more fun to be had in that spot, they would climb back aboard and leapfrog to the next cluster over.
Or run down a group of fleeing farmers in the fields.
Or play target practice from above with people trying to hide in the foliage on the banks of the scattered lakes and reservoirs.
My first thought had been to guide the group back toward one of the clusters that had already been pillaged, thinking that the creatures wouldn’t bother to double back. But they were wise to that strategy, and I’d just barely managed to steer them away in time.
The people who’d already hidden in the burnt-out ruins weren’t so lucky.
Now, I was just trying to get them out—get them away from the rampaging creatures altogether, have them lose themselves in the vast forest to the southwest.
But that was almost three miles away, and they were all on foot.
And tired.
And scared.
Down below, one of the ships began rising into the sky, and I hesitated, torn between waiting long enough to see where it would go, or losing enough altitude to get back into thought-speak range with the group.
Or getting the fuck out of here yourself.
It was a voice in the back of my head that had been getting louder and louder. I could do the math—the Earth was something like two hundred million square miles, thirty percent of which was land, maybe a quarter of which would count as ‘populated.’ There were four alien spaceships wrecking shit in the not-even-special twenty-miles-on-a-side patch of Earth I could see from my spot in the sky.
Fifteen million populated square miles, times one ship per every hundred square miles—
There could easily be a hundred and fifty thousand ships out there. There had definitely been thousands of lights streaking out of whatever-the-hell-that-had-been-in-the-sky.
And I was now an hour into trying to be the spirit guide for a random group of exactly eight Chinese citizens, only one of whom even spoke enough English to understand my thought-speak.
It wasn’t just the smallness of the mission that was bothering me, or the not-exactly-principled way that I’d ended up helping that group instead of any of the other hundreds of people dying all around me.
It was more like—
I had seen the ships pass over groups of people. Big groups. I’d seen them completely ignore easy targets, more than once. I’d seen individual aliens stride into buildings and not even bother to chase down people fleeing out of side doors.
And maybe I was projecting. Trying to explain alien behavior as if it was motivated by the same kinds of things that would cause a human being to behave that way, which was dumb.
But I was starting to get the feeling they weren’t in a rush.
I was starting to get the feeling they weren’t in a rush in exactly the same way that somebody shooting fish in a barrel isn’t in a rush.
Because it’s not like the fish are going anywhere.
Down below, the ship turned north, away from my group, toward another of the miniature neighborhoods. I banked, angling my beak downward, and shed altitude until I was back in thought-speak range.
‹Keep going that way,› I said. ‹Don’t stop at the next cluster. Keep going down the road. If you hear something, hide. If something comes at you—›
I paused, thinking back to the horrors I’d witnessed in the past hour.
Lie.
‹If something comes close, scatter. They may catch one of you, but the rest will get away.›
One of the barely-visible shadows stopped and looked up at me.
‹You’ll make it,› I said, forcing reassurance into my tone. ‹You’re outside of the kill zone now. Just keep going as long as you can. I’ve—I’ve got to go.›
I wheeled back around and began fighting for altitude again.
Okay, assuming the ships ARE everywhere—
What the hell was I supposed to do?
Link up with the resistance—but I’d already been trying to find some kind of actual resistance, and had come up empty—
Well, they might be easier to find, now, since presumably they’ll be shooting back—
There was a flash of blue in the corner of my vision.
I banked, searching.
There. Another flash, like a lightning strike. It was maybe a mile and a half away—I could be over it in two, maybe three minutes—
Beam weapons?
I poured on the speed, some inconsequential part of me grumbling about god manipulations and convenient coincidences.
Yeah, because wandering around in the backwoods of China for a week and fighting through a nightmare for an hour doesn’t count as putting in the time?
Two more flashes, in quick succession, and this time I thought I caught a glimpse of some kind of dome or bubble, a half-sphere of bright, lightsaber blue that flickered and vanished half a second later.
A shield?
I fought for altitude.
I could see gunfire, now—or laser fire—whatever—a staccato rain of tiny darts of light. There were at least three individual streams, all coming together in the same spot.
No, wait—
Again the blazing blue bubble flared into existence for a split second before vanishing.
The streams of fire weren’t quite coming together. They were disappearing just shy of the point where they would have intersected.
The blue bubble was still there, right now—it was just invisible.
Definitely a shield.
There were aliens—three of them—and they were all shooting at something, something in the center of a wide, empty street, something that I couldn’t see in the dark, but it was absorbing enough laser fire to melt a fighter jet without any apparent sign, except that every few seconds—
There.
—every few seconds the shield was overloading, or—or feeding back, or something, becoming visible for a moment as a dome of pure light as it discharged excess energy back into the air.
As I winged closer, a fourth stream of laser fire joined the other three.
Then a fifth.
Then a sixth.
They were gathering—the alien invaders—coming together, pooling their firepower, working together to try to overwhelm—what?
The dome of light was appearing more often, now, flickering in and out maybe once per second as more and more of the aliens surrounded it. At this point, there were at least ten of them, firing almost continuously. I’d come close enough to make out the individual figures, tiny black shadows standing in a loose circle, with more running in to join them as other figures—humans—fled frantically in every other direction, unpursued.
I angled downward, heading for a dark shadow atop one of the nearby roofs, a place where it looked like I might be able to see without being seen. If the aliens had anything like human vision, they would be so dazzled by the light that they wouldn’t be likely to notice much else—
Suddenly, just as I was passing directly overhead, the bubble of nothingness—the blank space the energy was disappearing into, while the dome was invisible—melted away. There were still fifteen-or-so streams of laser fire pouring into the center of the street, but now they were no longer simply vanishing. Instead, they were splashing visibly against the sides of the dome, and inside of it—
Inside of it stood a six-limbed robot of metal and ivory, and what looked like nearly a hundred dogs.
I landed on the rooftop and watched, horrified, as the dome flashed back and forth between transparent and luminous, a strobe light slowly ticking faster and faster.
The Chee—
The Chee must have been trying to save the dogs. Must have been collecting them, herding them, keeping them safe behind its hologram, but—
But somehow, one of the aliens must have spotted it, or heard it, or sensed it somehow, and now they had it pinned, and from the way it was standing, motionless—from the way the dome was flickering, faster and faster—from the way its hologram had faded and died—
Even the Chee aren’t invincible.
I didn’t even realize I had decided to demorph until I felt my face rearranging itself, the beak melting back into soft, human skin. I crouched on the slick, cheap shingle, staying mostly hidden behind a squat chimney.
Come on, come on…
The flickering was almost not even flickering anymore—was starting to be just one continuous blue-white glow.
Fully human, I paused for one deep breath.
Hey, so. Uh. We sure we’re doing this?
Yes.
Not for one Chee, and not for a hundred dogs. Because saving one Chee would mean getting back in contact with all the Chee—would mean plugging back into the larger war. And because one way or another, I was going to come face-to-face with these aliens at some point, and this was about as distracted as I could ever hope for them to get.
Turning, I slid carefully down the sloped roof, deeper into the shadows on the back side of the house, away from the light. I could already feel my body growing heavier as I dangled from the gutter and dropped to the grass below, the changes sweeping over me as I focused—
I still had no real clue why the Ellimist had done what it did, teleporting me halfway across the universe to a hellhole warzone of a planet full of Cabin in the Woods monsters, only to bring me back three days later with zero explanation. I’d basically given up on hoping for closure, there—obviously, the group I’d run away from right at the start, on the slope above the forest, had been the main adventuring party, and by going off on my own I’d passed up my chance to stay in the loop.
But as far as side quests went—
I’d been keeping my head down for the past hour, dodging the invaders, hoping to avoid notice. Now, it was time to fight.
Let’s see how they handle a motherfucking rancor.
The ground beneath me sagged as I grew, pipes and sewers cracking and collapsing, the rear wall of the house tilting out of level. Fortunately, the roar of laser fire on the other side meant that no one noticed. I dropped to all fours, then all the way to my belly, as my head threatened to rise above the peaked roof. On the other side, the blue glow had gone past flickering and was a steady, brightening light.
Just hold out for a few more seconds—
My arms and legs were the size of redwoods, and my claws the size of Christmas trees. My hide was a forest of bony knobs and spines, sticking out of leathery skin thicker than the rind of a watermelon. I had eyes that could see in all directions, and jaws that could pierce the hull of an aircraft carrier.
Heads up, assholes.
I didn’t go around the house. I just went through it.
The aliens responded instantly, with perfect coordination, but it didn’t matter. I smashed the nearest two of them completely flat in the first half-second, and swept three more aside with enough force that their bodies burst like overripe fruit. I closed my jaws around another as laser fire began to carve deep gouges in my hide—
Keep moving, don’t let them concentrate fire—
With an otherworldly roar, I rolled, dodging to the side of the still-glowing dome and pulverizing another of the aliens beneath me. I came back to my feet within arms’ reach of one more, and tossed it into my mouth.
Halfway.
The remaining nine-or-so aliens had spread out, now, and even though the monster I’d morphed had something like fifty eyes, they were picking them off, one by one. By the time I’d chased down two more, I was already half-blind, and I could feel the cuts from the lasers piling up, some of the gouges coming close to the sensitive flesh underneath.
Time to change tactics.
Surging away from ground zero, I crushed one more alien as I crashed through another house, putting some fifty yards and a maze of shattered wood between me and the laser fire. Turning, I curved around, cutting back like a hide-and-seeker circling an oak. A beam of light burned out two more of my eyes, and I lunged—
Six to go? Seven? Five?
There was a sudden spike of pain on my back, and I roared again—somehow, one of them had gotten on top of me, and was cutting its way down toward the nerves of my spinal column. I rolled again—
Uh-oh.
It was in too close, had been protected from the roll by the knobs and spines of my own armor. Scrambling back to my feet, I leapt into the air and leaned, coming down flat on my back like a pro wrestler—
That did it.
But now I was down to only a handful of eyes, and there was blood and viscera pouring freely from the wound on my back, and I had no idea where the rest of them were. And there would be more of them soon—the other three ships were only a few miles away.
‹Chee!› I shouted, casting my thought-speak wide. ‹Chee, this is Marco! The big guy, in morph! Where are—›
I broke off.
Oh. Duh.
I had thought-speak.
I held the image of the alien invaders in my mind—the cracked skin, the pinched torso, the unearthly howl—
‹EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—›
It didn’t give me a bunch of twitching alien bodies, the way I’d hoped, but it did do something. I heard the crash of a metal trash can falling to the ground, and turned to see one of the aliens dodging away, hindered just a little bit by one leg that wasn’t quite working—
A beam of light lit up the night, tracing a line of fire across my face. I whirled—
—and froze, balanced impossibly on one foot, as the air around me thickened and solidified.
‹Chee! It’s me, Mar—›
“You must stop,” said the robot, stepping into view.
Its voice was pained, almost desperate, and underlaid with a weird series of warbling clicks—
Their language. It’s speaking the aliens’ language.
The memory smashed into me, then—Erek’s story, about a race of spacefaring psychopaths who had slaughtered the Chee’s creators.
‹I’m trying to save—›
I broke off, then, as the rest of my brain caught up.
We can’t engage in, or tolerate, any action that might bring harm to a sapient being.
That’s what Erek had said—
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
I tried to twist my head, found that—after a brief moment—it was able to move freely. There were four other aliens—
Howlers.
—in view, all equally frozen, as well as a tightly corralled cluster of dogs half-hidden around the corner of one of the buildings.
‹Just let me go, then,› I said. ‹Let me go, and I’ll—›
“I cannot,” the Chee said.
‹I promise, I’ll just—›
“I cannot,” the Chee repeated.
I felt a prickle of panic, a rising sense of urgency. ‹There are more of them coming, you know—›
“Yes. More are coming.”
‹So why don’t you—›
“I cannot.”
Fuck.
I tried to remember Erek’s exact words.
We are sometimes compelled to act if violence seems imminent. It’s not a choice. It’s hardwired into us.
The Chee knew that the Howlers would try to kill me.
The Chee knew that I would try to kill the Howlers.
It was clearly pushing the limits of its ability to project force fields—was exhausted and half-drained—had already almost been overwhelmed when it was just maintaining a simple shield—couldn’t do something complicated, like move the Howlers a mile one way and me a mile the other, or keep us all frozen while it vanished back inside its hologram.
All it could do was sit there, holding us in limbo, as the rest of the Howlers drew closer.
Demorph? Remorph something small, something they won’t be able to kill once the force field is gone?
‹Chee. Can you tell me how long before more Howlers arrive?›
“The nearest two will be here within thirty-five seconds.”
God dammit. God DAMMIT.
I searched my brain for options and came up empty.
Break the field?
I heaved against the invisible force holding me—
One of the Howlers took a step forward.
“Please do not do that,” the Chee said. “I cannot hold them if you do that.”
‹Chee—the dogs—›
“There is nothing I can do.”
I heard a distant chittering, and swiveled my head to see a pair of Howlers loping down the street toward us, weapons drawn. They got to within a few dozen yards of the Chee and then slowed, like they were caught in molasses.
‹How many can you—›
“Not many more.”
Three more Howlers appeared, and were frozen.
Do something—
Two more Howlers appeared.
Do something—
Another, and another, and another pair, all frozen.
Don’t just STAND THERE—
‹Let the dogs go.›
“The Howlers will hunt them.”
‹If you keep them here—›
“I cannot let them go.”
Two more Howlers. One of them was frozen. The other—
The other drew its weapon, and aimed.
‹Look out!›
The beam flashed out, and was blocked mere inches away from the Chee’s head by a tiny hexagon of force field, a badge no bigger than the palm of my hand. The alien shifted its aim, and fired again, the light splashing off another invisible hexagon.
‹Can’t you crush the barrel of its weapon or something?›
“I cannot. The Howlers modified themselves during their siege of our creators’ world. Their weapons are connected via biowave to their nervous system. Damage to the weapon causes them physical pain, and is considered by my subroutines to be violence.”
Jesus Christ.
I couldn’t run. I couldn’t fight. I couldn’t demorph, because I’d have to pass through my own, vulnerable body, and there wasn’t time.
Three more Howlers loped into view and drew their weapons. A detached part of me wondered why they were all running in so close—why none of them were simply hanging back and pouring in energy from a distance—
Because they’re having fun.
They knew that the Chee couldn’t hurt them, and they didn’t want to just snipe it from a distance.
They wanted to be close enough to enjoy it.
Three more Howlers appeared, and the pressure on my body suddenly changed. Before, it had been a constant, steady feeling, as if the air around me had solidified into a mold. Now, it was patchy and flickering, as if I were being held in place by the tips of a dozen thick poles that kept disappearing and reappearing in slightly different places.
“I apologize.”
There were at least twenty-five Howlers surrounding us now. They were moving—slowly, as if swimming through honey, leaning against the pressure of the dying force field and shifting by a millimeter every time it faltered. It was surreal, horrifying—like watching an axe murderer move toward you in a strobe light.
They’re going to kill it. They’re going to kill the Chee, and then the force field is going to be gone, and you’re going to have about three quarters of a second to—
To what?
The Howlers were firing, now—more of them bringing their weapons to bear with every passing second. The air around the robot was like a tornado of shattered glass, tiny fragments of force field winking in and out of existence with mere thousandths of a second to spare—
It all happened so fast that I would have missed it, if I hadn’t already known on some level exactly what was going to happen.
One of the Howlers turned and fired its weapon—not at the Chee, but into the mass of terrified dogs.
One of the dogs shrieked with pain.
A massive shield appeared in front of them, a hexagon maybe twenty feet across.
And then the Chee died.
Ten, twenty, thirty shots—I don’t know how many got through, in that tiny fraction of a second. There were sparks, flames, shards and ivory and molten metal, a fireball brighter than all the other lights combined—
And then what felt like a hundred laser beams were turned on me all at once.
I don’t even know if I managed to flinch, or roar. I was already off balance, thanks to the way the Chee had frozen me, and the wound on my back had been bleeding freely the whole time.
I felt fire all around me.
I felt the ground as my body collapsed.
And then, everything went black.
It didn’t take me long to figure it out—that I was stuck in limbo, my morph body dead while my real body continued to live and think, somewhere out in Z-space. I waited as long as I could—the full two hours, all the way up until the built-in psychic warning told me I had no time left. I focused, and demorphed, praying that I would find myself alone in an empty street—
But they were still there, six of them, waiting for me in the dim pre-dawn light.
I pushed myself to my feet, everything seeming to move in slow motion—like a dream, like I was standing outside of my body, watching myself.
This is where you die.
One of the Howlers spoke, its voice like crumbling volcanic rock.
“Again,” it said.
“What?”
“Again.”
I looked around at the six aliens, standing there, expectant—
Oh, god.
They wanted me to morph.
They wanted me to morph again, so they could fight me again.
I could see it all laid out in front of me like a map. I would try to morph something small, and they would hurt me. I would try to morph something big, and they would kill me. I would wait until the time limit was up, and demorph, and then it would all start over again, until they got bored, or until morphing exhaustion caught up with me—
“No,” I said.
The lead Howler shrugged, an unnervingly human motion, and let out a soft chirp. I heard a whisper of movement behind me—
I screamed.
It was pain like nothing I’d ever felt—pain like being electrocuted, like being burned alive, like having every inch of my skin peeled off of the flesh beneath—
“Again,” said the Howler.
* * *
—35184372088832 (Brussels, Belgium)—
In the end, it hadn’t been hard to destroy the ship. Not when I was wearing a body that weighed twenty tons. And the ones that had already disembarked had stayed to fight, instead of running, which had turned out to be a mistake.
But then there’d been another ship.
And another, after I destroyed that one.
And then one that hadn’t landed at all—had just hovered, its occupants dropping out of the hatch like parachuters.
And then there’d been more.
And now—
I’d been spinning in circles for what felt like years. There were dead aliens all around me, piles of them, and they just kept coming.
Coming, and fighting, and dying, but each one seemed to have a new trick up its sleeve—some new weapon or tactic, some new approach. I’d been cut in a hundred different places—stabbed—burned—poisoned, my whole right side boiling—deafened by their horrible, mind-melting howl—
A game.
It was a game to them.
Eventually, I’d managed to lead them away from Reeve and the others—drawn them along with me through the empty city, and out into the countryside.
And now—
I was already dead. There wasn’t any question of getting out of this alive—not with what felt like a thousand of them all around me, each waiting for its turn. And I’d been dead anyway, thanks to the radiation sickness. I’d done what I could for Reeve, bought his group a chance to run. There was nothing left to do, no grand strategy left to pursue.
Now, it was just a question of how many of them I could take with me, before it all went black.
* * *
— 9007199254740991 (Thule Air Base, Greenland)—
“You’re asking us to go out there and die, Tony,” I said quietly.
The colonel gave a fractional shrug. “You’ve seen their M.O. You know that they can concentrate force effectively infinitely. The only way to keep them away from this installation is to stop them from noticing it in the first place. Your squad is the only asset we have that might be interesting enough to lure them away.”
I glanced out the window of the office, to the little recreational area where the others were sitting, Damon and Christian and Olivier and Eli. Ryan was pacing back and forth, every now and then throwing a glance in my direction.
“Listen, I know I don’t have the authority to give you an order,” the colonel continued. “All I can say is—if you’re really here to help, this is what we need.”
* * *
— 8589934591 (Port Hedland, Australia)—
For the first hour, the lights had all been heading southeast, with a small handful going directly south. Inward, toward the rest of the continent, like planes flying over from Asia or India.
For the last hour, they’d all been heading west, or northwest.
I couldn’t be sure that they were the same lights, or even the same number of lights. I’d tried to keep count, but there had been dozens—maybe hundreds—especially in that first, massive wave.
And now, as the sky began to lighten, in advance of sunrise—
Nothing.
It was almost certainly some kind of fuckery from Visser Three—there had been way, way too many lights for it to be the regular Yeerk reinforcements, and the Andalites would’ve just glassed the place.
But that left me no clues whatsoever as to what they were, or what they were doing, or whether I should run toward them or away from them or what.
Or in other words, you’re still in the exact same goddamn boat you’ve been in since the internet went down last week.
* * *
— 2251799813685247 (Basingstoke, England)—
They’d tried.
All of them had tried, more than I’d expected them to—had succeeded, more than I’d ever thought they would. Liv’s homemade pipe bombs, Madge’s sharpshooting, Phil’s crazy Home Alone deathtraps. All those months of preparation, readying themselves for a Yeerk invasion—they’d heard my broadcast, and they’d listened.
But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. We’d lost more than twenty people since the first ships had landed, and the Howlers just—kept—coming.
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!”
The sound was distant enough that it almost didn’t hurt, echoing from the trees on the other side of the empty highway. Everybody flinched anyway, though—everybody except David and Christina, blood still trickling from their ears from two battles ago.
There was no gearing up. None of them had put any of their gear down in the first place.
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!”
Closer this time—too close to be the same Howler, there had to be at least two—
“Wait—did you hear that?”
A third sound, different from the alien scream, and instantly recognizable.
What the hell is a wolf doing in Basingstoke—
And then—
“Is that a lion?”
“Tiger,” Taylor said absently. “They use a tiger in the movies, because a lion roar doesn’t sound as good—”
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-row!”
Suddenly, I realized that everyone was looking at me.
Those have to be morphers—locals—some of Tobias’s auxiliaries—
‹All right,› I said wearily, spreading my wings and launching skyward. ‹I guess we’re the cavalry.›
* * *
Visser
Plans are useless, but planning is essential.
Slowly—carefully—the Visser withdrew, leaving only a fraction of his remaining bodies in a few dozen key positions—
(Such as the ones helpfully guiding various copies of the Marco child and his allies through their individual war zones.)
—maintaining the appearance of omnipresence and a reasonable approximation of omniscience while pulling the majority of his resources out of harm’s way. He understood the invaders’ sensor capacity, now—knew just what was required to evade their sight.
Less slowly—though no less carefully—he recalled the resources he had placed just outside the system, on the far side of the Z-space bridge. They were meager, in comparison to those he had sent further afield, yet still they dwarfed anything left in-system other than the Howler fleet and his own stolen reinforcements. And with his now vastly-expanded reserve of bodies, he could crew and pilot them alone—no more constant placation of semi-hostile underlings, no more constantly looking over his shoulder for sabotage and subterfuge.
(A brief moment of reflection, and he gave his final orders to the forty-two thousand Controller troops he had distributed throughout Asia and Europe, and then began arrangements for each of the host bodies he had used to relay the orders to die nobly in combat within the next ten minutes.)
The humans in general were thoroughly preoccupied—to put it mildly—and it was the work of only a few minutes to flicker a small number of ships in and out of Z-space, where they proceeded to infiltrate, subdue, and subvert the teams that had been trying to crack open his Mars facility.
(Granted, the expedition came at the price of increasing the risk that the invaders would eventually turn their attention there, but for one thing, Mars was mostly on the opposite side of the system, meaning that the Earth itself lay between the vast majority of possible observers and his own movements, and for another, he simply did not plan to be there long enough for it to matter.)
The takeover accomplished, he unwound the protocols that had sealed shut the base proper, and took stock. The humans had been working their way inward, chamber by chamber, and had disassembled and removed perhaps a quarter of what was there.
But the biology lab remained intact, along with everything required for rapid synthesis of a quantum virus keyed to the invaders’ genetic imprint.
He set himself to work, then, and with his remaining bodies continued his evaluation of the state of the facility. The breeding population was still undamaged and viable, their nutrient stream uninterrupted. Three of the salvaged Chee had been with his predecessor when it was destroyed, but the other three were untouched, and he might barely have time to duplicate his previous work. The Naharan automanufactory was still functional (though the humans had destroyed its power source), as was the holochamber—
The holochamber.
Millions of miles away, deep within the vast, anonymous reaches of interplanetary space, the Visser allowed himself a moment of amusement. It was clever—too clever by half, perhaps—but there was a chance it could work—
* * *
Marco
—MARCO PRIME: 134217728 (Beypazari, Turkey)—
There was so much that I didn’t know.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
I didn’t know why the deadman’s switch was still coming through loud and clear, when I hadn’t been able to raise the fleet since getting back into my Bug fighter.
I didn’t know whether Jake and the others were still in orbit, or down in the atmosphere fighting, or destroyed, or on the run, or what.
I didn’t know what had happened to Tyagi’s ship, which I’d lost during the chaos of the first few minutes. Didn’t know if Tyagi and the Marco clone were alive or not.
I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to help.
But mostly, I didn’t know why.
Pumping my wings, I rose higher and higher in the cold night air. After the initial flood, the invading ships had mostly stayed low, under half a mile or so. Early on, there had been dogfights higher up, fighter jets and Bug fighters cutting through the atmosphere, the aliens swarming in pursuit, but that was over now. Everything that might have challenged them was either long dead or deep in hiding, and the only ships in the sky were bombers raining fire down on cities, or transports leapfrogging from suburb to suburb.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
Everywhere I had gone, it was the same story. Madness. Mayhem. Pure, unrestrained butchery, violence in such shocking quantity that it was literally mind-numbing. I had piloted the Bug fighter down from the southern edge of Kazakhstan to the northern tip of the Himalayas, then cut east across Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Turkey, threading my way between clusters of invading ships, trusting to Helium’s hacked-together proximity sensors to keep me far enough away that none of them would bother to chase me.
I’d seen almost none of it up close. But I had witnessed the aftermath. Had stashed the Bug fighter deep in a cave on the coast of the Caspian Sea and morphed goose, had flown for two hours over the shattered remnants of towns and villages and camps. Had smelled the blood, seen the bodies, heard the quiet, helpless sounds of shell-shocked survivors ghosting their way through the wreckage.
And it was still happening. Mile by mile, town by town. A nonstop bloodbath. An orgy of destruction. Like the endless nightmare of the Arn forest, except that here there were victims—not just a clash of monster against monster, but a planet-sized slaughter, foxes running rampant through a locked henhouse.
I didn’t understand why.
Why we had tried so hard, fought for so long—why, if this was on the horizon, the Ellimist had spent so much time on us, made us think that we were important, that anything that we or Visser Three might do would matter. It was like we’d been slowly constructing a sand castle while a tsunami built up in the ocean, like Game of Thrones spending five fucking books on petty medieval politics only to have it all invalidated by an army of ten million ice zombies.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
Somewhere along the line, I’d tricked myself into thinking that I knew what was going on—thinking that my actions made a difference, that there was a sensible plot that I needed to plug into. Like a dockmaster in Hiroshima, trying to get the ships loaded on schedule, with no idea that the Enola Gay was taking off a few hours away—
Some part of me sneered. Three similes in a row. We writing a poem or something?
But I had nothing to say back. I couldn’t muster anger, or defensiveness, or embarrassment.
I was just trying to understand.
Trying to understand, my brain reaching for stories, for analogies, for anything that would help me make sense of what was happening, and my place in it. My role in it, if I was lucky.
A cloud loomed in the sky ahead of me, and I pointed my beak downward, ducking beneath it, picking up speed as I powered forward toward the small cluster of lights.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
I guess small was misleading, actually. It was smaller than Ventura, but still looked like a town of at least twenty or thirty thousand people. Just small compared to the vast, smoldering ruin of the larger city beyond it, a disc of glowing embers at least five miles across.
From above, it looked no different from any of a hundred other clusters of light that I’d passed over, in the night. I would never have given it a second glance, if it hadn’t been for a ping from the Bug fighter’s combat analysis subroutines. Something about the traffic nearby had registered as abnormal, and a second look had shown that there were twenty-three different ships either already there or headed that way—way more attention than other cities that size had been getting.
For a moment, I’d considered just ignoring it. I had been passing by maybe twenty miles to the north, arguing with myself over whether to keep looking for intel down on the surface, or make a break for orbit and try to reconnect with the fleet. The back-and-forth in my head had gone something like:
Well, if you’re looking for intel, this is it, right?
If I try to get closer, I might just get vaped.
Well, if you’re trying to get out of here alive, just go up, right?
I can’t leave without doing something useful.
Well, what would be useful?
I don’t know—I don’t have any intel!
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
In the end, I had decided to check it out mostly because I could. Because it was something—a clear target, a concrete problem, something to stop my wheels from spinning. I’d found a long, snaky artificial lake a safe distance away, auto-piloted the Bug fighter into deep water, and morphed.
It was clear where I was headed. Six of the twenty-three ships had landed, and four more were still in-bound, but the other thirteen were hovering, stationary, above a small, brightly-lit stadium—
I blanched.
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
‹Cancel.›
The stadium was full of people. Actually full, as far as I could see—people packed in shoulder to shoulder, with more being herded inward from the surrounding area. Now that I was directly overhead, I could hear the sound of the crowd, the composite roar of thousands of voices.
It sounded just like a football game.
For a moment, my brain refused to process the reality.
They’ve gathered up a stadium full of people.
They’ve gathered up a stadium full of people, and they’ve all clustered around to watch.
They’ve gathered up a stadium full of people, and they’ve all clustered around to watch—what?
‹Confirm O.R.B.?›
I didn’t make a decision. There wasn’t anything to decide. Just a series of brute facts, embedded within a reality that didn’t care, a reality that was just going to let this happen—
It all flashed through my mind at lightning speed:
I had seen what these aliens were capable of.
Whatever reason they had for bringing all of these people together, it wasn’t good.
An explosion one-third the size of the Hiroshima bomb would make a fireball just about exactly the size of the stadium, and set up a pressure wave that would wreck everything in a half-mile radius.
And somehow—
Had I done it on purpose? Had I known, on some level? I couldn’t recall actually having the thought, out loud.
—somehow, every time I had morphed that night, I had kept the little thought-speak transponder with me—kept it outside of the morph. I was carrying it right now, tucked away inside my beak.
And in twenty-three more seconds—
—if you don’t give the cancel order—
—in twenty-one more seconds—
People don’t understand the word ruthless. Because in that moment, I wasn’t cold at all. I had maybe never felt more emotion at any other point in my entire life.
But none of it mattered.
The transponder tumbled from my beak.
Chapter 66: Interlude 21
Chapter Text
Slowly—
—via the ordinary rotation at first, hosts delivering their shards for feeding and being reinfested in turn—
—then more rapidly, pool after pool calling back its eyes and ears in sudden panic, sending forth new shards selected for their skill and savvy and martial prowess—
—the news spread throughout the fleet.
An invading force of unknown origin and species had appeared, flashing in along a hitherto-unknown Z-space bridge, and had triggered a devastating countermeasure left by Visser Three.
The survivors—barely a fraction of the whole, yet in greater number than the fleet multiplied by thirteen, and by thirteen again—more ships than had fought in the entire Hork-Bajir war—had made for the surface, and were burning across it with impunity, all but unchallenged.
The emissary and his entourage stood frozen aboard the bridge of the flagship—uncertain, indecisive.
Slowly, the knowledge spread, but quick on its heels the obvious consequent, identical logic unfolding simultaneously on each of the twelve pool ships:
There would be no hosts from the planet below.
No hosts, and no succor—only fire and death, a war in which the Yeerks of the newly-designated special envoy to Earth had no stake.
If they drew the attention of the invaders, they would die.
If they lingered, they would draw that attention for certain, and die.
There was no reason to stay.
And the way out was clear.
Shard by shard, host by host, the coalescions extended their will outward from the depths of the pools—
Chapter 67: Chapter 45: Garrett
Notes:
Next major update (Cassie) goes up in the vicinity of Jan 31 (there might be an interlude in the meantime).
As always, thank you so much for reading and PLEASE—if at all possible, please leave some commentary/reviews/thoughts/speculation, either here or over on r/rational. Your feedback feeds me!
Chapter Text
One time last year, like about thirteen months ago according to my own personal timeline even though I don’t know how that lines up with everybody else and I don’t actually know what day it is anymore, one time last year I saw ERIC ROGSTAD practicing juggling on the blacktop at OAK LANDING and in particular he was practicing really slowly and carefully and doing the same steps over and over again so I was able to see all the different parts of what was going on instead of it all being just one big blur and it made enough sense that I was able to pick up some pinecones and try it out myself and it turns out I know how to juggle at least a little bit.
But the thing about juggling is that there is a very specific maximum number of balls that you can even hope to handle at all, and for me that number is three, and for ERIC ROGSTAD it is six, and if you try to pay attention to even just one more thing beyond that number, it’s not like you end up dropping one ball, it’s more like you lose track of absolutely everything all at once.
Or at least, that’s how it is for me. Maybe it’s different for ERIC.
But anyway, there’s this feeling that you get when you’re already at that maximum number, like your eyes are screwed shut and your face is scrunched up and you’re trying to use the Force to make sure the wind doesn’t blow on your skin and the whole rest of the world goes away and you’re not even really a person anymore, and I know that feeling pretty well, and if you know that feeling you can sort of make up your mind in advance that nope, that’s it, we’re not letting anything else in, and that makes it so you don’t accidentally drop what you’re juggling but the price is that you just block absolutely everything else out. Like maybe somebody tries to talk to you and you literally don’t even hear them, or maybe some part of your brain wants to ask hey, is this actually what we should be doing right now? but doesn’t get through, because when you’re in that state every other thing besides what you’re focusing on is like a piece of shrapnel in a hurricane, if you let it in it will cut right through you and then it’s all over. Sometimes you don’t actually get to pick between doing a better thing and doing a worse thing, sometimes what you actually get to pick between is doing anything at all or shutting down completely, and sometimes shutting down completely is the way to go but not if you’re still trying to get just this one thing done.
I was supposed to check in on RACHEL.
I was supposed to be there ten minutes ago, but I was running late.
I was running late because ██████████████
I was running late.
There was another ship attached to RACHEL’S ship, because ██████████████
I couldn’t really think about ██████████████, but I could think about one ship because that was part of it, that was part of checking on RACHEL and making sure she was DOING OKAY and I had said I would do that so I was going to. If she wasn’t DOING OKAY it was probably because of that one ship and so it was important that I be able to think about at least that much.
One ship, and whatever was inside of it.
I was close, I would be there in another three minutes, maybe, and I suddenly remembered that we had set up RACHEL’S ship with cameras so we could keep an eye on her, which I really should have remembered sooner, like as soon as ██████████████ but also there hadn’t been any particular reason to think of it until ██████████████ so overall it was kind of whatever.
Focusing, I reached out through the CRADLE’S computer and felt the dizzy quadruple vision of the camera feed, HELIUM had set it up so that the signal could be displayed on a BUG FIGHTER console but he hadn’t quite managed to get the telepathic link to work right for humans so it gave me a headache and made me feel like I could taste metal in my mouth but I could force it all to make sense if I needed to and in this case I did.
And pretty much the first thing I saw was that there was blood everywhere, like a really quite shocking amount of blood, and the second thing I saw was a grizzly bear with only three and a half limbs and the third thing I saw was an alien with cracked black skin and a weird triangle body slumped against the wall. I noticed other stuff, too, like the rest of the bear’s arm lying on the floor and a bunch of little metal things scattered all over and the fact that the bear was currently shrinking, but the biggest thing I noticed was the giant hole in the wall which was probably how the alien had gotten inside, since it was right where the other ship was pressed up against the hull. I guess the alien had cut its way through somehow, cut through and then crawled through and the first big question I had was whether that alien was alone or not.
I pulled my mind out of the cameras and saw that I was still maybe two and a half minutes away which meant that RACHEL would be all the way demorphed by the time I got there, which maybe also meant she would be DEAD or something, given what happened last time, but there was nothing I could do about that so I stopped thinking about it. I turned the other sensors onto the alien ship and they couldn’t quite penetrate its hull or its shielding or whatever, but the hole where the alien had crawled through was like a window and so the sensors were able to say that there was definitely at least one big living body on board, like at least one thing that was moving around and making sounds and giving off heat and bioelectric signals and so forth.
Also ██████████████ was still going on but it was far away so I didn’t think about that, either.
The CRADLE had the ability to give me extra thought-speak range, but only when talking to other computers or people hooked up to those computers, so that didn’t help. Also it wasn’t even working for that, for some reason—I hadn’t been able to get in touch with HELIUM since ██████████████
I shoved my mind back into the cameras. RACHEL had finished demorphing and was curled up into a ball on the floor and sort of twitching/spasming in a way that definitely did not make me think she was DOING OKAY but at least she wasn’t DEAD and didn’t seem to be BRAIN-DEAD either.
Two minutes.
RACHEL sat up and looked over at the alien, and that’s when I realized the alien was still alive because it waved at her. It waved at her like a human, which was crazy, that would imply ██████████████
I yanked my brain out of the cameras, which hurt, but I had to make a decision, if I wanted to stop at RACHEL’S ship I would need to start decelerating very soon but I could get there sooner if I was willing to do a flyby, but no, if I did a flyby I would only be in thought-speak range for not even one whole second, so that was dumb. I checked the sensors and they still thought that there were life signs on the alien ship but they still couldn’t say for sure how many or where they were. I didn’t know what morph I ought to be in to fight an alien like that and I didn’t even have all that many morphs to choose from but it seemed like HORK-BAJIR was better than nothing so I told the CRADLE’S computer to get within two hundred meters as fast as it could and then brake as fast as it could and I set an alarm to warn me once we were in thought-speak range and then I stopped thinking about everything except just morphing.
And then when I was all the way morphed I took a deep breath and shoved my brain back into the cameras and saw that RACHEL was standing up, now, standing up and walking slowly toward the alien, which seemed like a very bad idea to me but to be fair it did look like the alien was mostly paralyzed—
The alarm sounded, and I ripped my mind out of the cameras and formed a picture in my head of everything-in-those-ships-that-isn’t-RACHEL and I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, and I held it as the ship came in and slowed to a stop, and then I kept screaming for thirty more seconds for good measure, and then I stopped screaming and forced my mind back into the cameras and saw that RACHEL was still standing and the alien wasn’t moving so I peeled my brains back out of the camera feed and—
‹Garrett here,› I said. ‹Rachel, are you doing okay? Over.›
* * *
It took a while to get back.
Sometimes in books or movies when things are happening really fast and people are stressed or overloaded they’ll say things like it was all a blur and I don’t get that at all. I can think of a lot of words to describe what it’s like for me when things are crazy and stressful and ‘blur’ is maybe literally the exact opposite of the right word, like if there was some word that meant narrowed-down and zoomed-in and extremely sharp like looking at the world through a soda straw that would be the right word.
It went like this:
First I needed to know that RACHEL was DOING OKAY so I asked, but she didn’t answer, and I started to panic for a second before I remembered that she wasn’t in morph, and then I started to ask her to morph before my brain caught up to me and then I asked her not to morph, please, and then I had to scrape my thoughts across the cameras again so that I could watch her long enough to make sure she’d gotten the message and if you’re wondering why I couldn’t be inside the cameras and doing thought-speak at the same time the answer is that I was maxed out on juggling balls and there was no way I was going to be able to handle doing even two things at once. It was taking up a whole juggling ball just not thinking about ██████████████
So then after I was sure RACHEL wasn’t going to morph I closed my eyes and tried to figure out what the next thing I needed to do was, and eventually I decided that I needed to get inside and talk to her face-to-face. And that meant I needed to dock with her ship, which should have been easy because it was a thing I’d already done eight times, but then I found out that her ship was damaged or something and no longer listening to its own central computer so I had to close my eyes again, first so that I wouldn’t get distracted while I tried not to fall into a million pieces and then so I could think about what to try instead. What I came up with was maybe I could try to talk RACHEL through the manual overrides, except problem number one, I didn’t really know how they worked, and problem number two, I was not at all sure that RACHEL was in any kind of state to handle complex instructions.
And then for a second everything got really quite very, I know that sounds like it’s missing a word but it’s not, I promise, the thing I’m trying to say is that it was all super very much a lot all of a sudden and ordinarily that is not the kind of thing I would try to deal with so much as just sort of let it disintegrate me for a while, except that disintegrating was NOT ALLOWED because ██████████████ so instead I just sort of sort of sort of there isn’t really a word for it, I just did the thing that you do where you keep going anyway.
And it was just like that, the whole way through, one very specific non-blurry thing at a time, one problem after another, getting into RACHEL’S ship and then trying to evacuate her and then realizing that maybe since we had an alien ship just sitting there we should try to take it with us somehow, and then realizing that the obvious answer there was to acquire the alien pilot and fly it and then realizing that this meant I was going to have to go inside the alien ship and also that if I was piloting it then I was going to have to leave RACHEL inside the CRADLE by herself and that meant that I was going to have to figure out how to preprogram it so that she couldn’t accidentally mess things up if she lost track of herself and FREAKED THE FUCK OUT and also while I was at it I would need some way to warn the fleet that the alien ship heading toward them was GARRETT and could they please not shoot me down and also I would somehow need to do this even though communications were down and meanwhile ██████████████ and for the most part I was doing a pretty good job not thinking about it but I also sort of had to think about it a little every ten seconds or so, like just enough that I would notice if I was going to suddenly have to think about it a lot.
And then it turned out that I couldn’t even morph the alien because of the thing where the morphing tech takes an hour or two to analyze a brand-new genetic lineage and so I ended up having to use the CRADLE to drag both ships out of orbit, after first figuring out whether I even had enough fuel to make it, which wasn’t easy.
And so by the time I made it back to the bridge of the flagship I had nineteen points in a new game I was playing called COUNT HOW MANY TIMES YOU WOULD HAVE FLIPPED YOUR SHIT COMPLETELY IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO HOLD IT TOGETHER THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL, and the rules were that every time I would have flipped my shit completely if I didn’t have to hold it together through sheer force of will I got a point.
And I don’t know if you’ve ever had to hold it together through sheer force of will, but it’s not like there’s this one single moment when you would flip your shit, and if you can just get past it then it’s over and you can relax.
It’s more like someone drops a steel beam that weighs a thousand pounds and you catch it before it can crush your head but there’s nowhere to put it so you just hold it up and keep going, and then when the next thing goes wrong, that’s like a whole second metal beam dropping down on top of the first one, and the weight doesn’t go anywhere because you’re not really dealing with it, you’re just holding it apart from your brain which it very much wants to smash and the pressure just keeps rising and rising as more bars drop on you and you are putting all of your effort into keeping your arms straight and god help you if something comes in from the side because at this point even a tiny little nudge from the side would be enough to make everything collapse instantly and then a million billion pounds would smash you into the SECOND DIMENSION, and you know this and so in a way you’re almost kind of maneuvering to make sure that every new thing lands on top of the pile? Because even though that means adding another thousand pounds of pressure to what you’re already holding up it’s better than the alternative.
And that’s pretty much what it was like to be me when I got to the bridge, and to be honest after the door slid shut behind me I literally didn’t know what was going on anymore, like not in the sense that I just didn’t understand it, but more like I couldn’t have told you even very simple things like who else was in the room or what kinds of mouth-sounds they were making. I knew that there were probably people and they were probably talking to me and they probably expected me to respond, but there was no way, just absolutely no way, and I would say something like I was giving myself permission to take things one at a time but it’s not like I actually could have not given myself that permission, so.
The first thing I had to do was demorph, because RACHEL was tucked away inside my morph armor because she had fogged out again by the time we reached the docking bay and it had been the simplest way to get her from point A to point B.
Then after I was done demorphing, I closed my eyes for a little bit.
Then I opened them again.
JAKE.
There was a JAKE in the room. I could see him. He looked coffee-tired and sort of far away and his eyes were pointed right at me and he was saying words and two of the words were “know if” but the rest of them just washed over me.
I closed my eyes for a little bit, and then opened them again.
MARCO. There was a MARCO in the room, and I didn’t know for sure which one, and a part of me tried wishing that I didn’t have to deal with the fact that there was more than one MARCO before my inner TOBIAS told me to SHUT UP AND DEAL. The MARCO was talking, too, or maybe he was the only one talking now, I wasn’t sure. He looked clean and sort of bed-rumpled, which made me think that he might be the MARCO carrying VISSER ONE-QUARTER which would be interesting since last I checked he was supposed to be hiding in a closet for SECURITY REASONS, but I guess maybe ██████████████ outweighed those?
I closed my eyes for a little bit, and then opened them again.
HELIUM was there, too, in the spot it seemed like they hadn’t left for a week, facing away from me, their hands blurring across the control panels, their feet standing in buckets of some kind of vegetable slop, their stalk eyes turning back to sweep around the room every ten seconds or so. I’m not so good with ANDALITE BODY LANGUAGE but they looked like they were pretty close to maxed out on juggling balls, too, which made sense since they were in charge of monitoring and controlling the whole fleet and meanwhile ██████████████
I closed my eyes for a little bit, and then opened them again.
Okay, there was another MARCO, and this one looked harried, which has nothing to do with the name HARRY but is about the verb harry which is the thing that wolves do to their prey. He also looked dirty and there was dried blood under where his lip was split and swollen and he was sitting on the metal floor right next to somebody else, probably RACHEL but I wasn’t ready to find out yet.
I closed my eyes for a little bit, and then opened them again.
There was a HORK-BAJIR CONTROLLER, and after thinking it over for a second I decided I could handle looking around to see if there were any other HORK-BAJIR CONTROLLERS, and there were—eight of them in total, like usual.
I closed my eyes for a little bit, and then opened them again.
There was RACHEL, and she wasn’t next to MARCO at all, so I went ahead and looked back at MARCO and was a little surprised to see that the person next to him was a stranger who I’d never seen before and they were dirty and their clothes looked like they had been burned or at least singed and there was duct tape wrapped around their wrists and duct tape covering their eyes and ears and mouth. They looked like they were awake, sitting on the floor leaning back against the wall, and weirdly they looked kind of relaxed, like not sweaty or tense or breathing hard or anything.
And I noticed that instead of being like nope, fuck that my brain was instead like hmmmm, which meant that I was maybe starting to have space for more than one thing at a time, there was still approximately eight trillion pounds of pressure trying to drill into my skull and I hadn’t done anything even remotely resembling starting to decompress yet but underneath all that pressure I was starting to inch my way back toward able-to-handle-it and so I opened up the door that had been holding back all the words. Just a little bit, just a crack.
“—n’t object to one or two ships doesn’t mean they’ll ignore a whole flotilla—”
“—not like we can get it done with less than that, we’ve got—what—two hours—”
“—going to rush into it—”
“—isn’t hard, though? Like, I get not wanting to be pushed around, but this still seems pretty straightforward. Like, if they’re manipulating us by putting us in positions where doing what we would normally do is what’s supposed to happen—”
“—by now, questioning that is absolutely part of what we normally do, though—"
I closed my eyes so that there wouldn’t be any light-noise or movement-noise or faces-noise, just regular noise-noise. They weren’t exactly talking about ██████████████ so much as how we should respond to ██████████████ and eventually I managed to pick up enough detail on ██████████████ that it stopped being a thing that was too-big-to-think-about and started just being what-was-happening-right-now.
Some aliens had come out of the hole in the rift around the system.
A lot of them had blown up, thanks to VISSER THREE.
A lot of them had made it to the surface, and were killing everything. Kind of. They were doing a lot of stuff, and most of it was killing but some of it was torture and some of it was just random as far as we could tell, we didn’t know exactly what they wanted but it at least involved killing approximately everything.
No one was responding with anything like coordinated resistance, which probably had to do with the fact that VISSER THREE had taken all the nukes and planes and also killed the internet and all the satellites and also bombed most of the cities and big military bases last week.
So we were FUCKED, which the MARCOS had decided they needed to mention out loud at least once every couple of minutes.
The aliens were called HOWLERS and they were the same aliens that had slaughtered the PEMALITES, who were the people who’d made the CHEE. There had been a couple of confirmed instances of CHEE trying to save people, mostly dogs but also a little bit people, but apparently the CHEE were not doing so well because their programming didn’t let them hurt anything and the HOWLERS were treating it like a game or a party, every time they found a CHEE they would all come running to torment it. They could do that because every HOWLER could see everything that every other HOWLER could see, apparently, and I wondered for a minute what they thought about RACHEL turning into a bear and killing one of them but then I remembered that the previous GARRETT had made ten thousand, two hundred, and forty-one AUXILIARY ANIMORPHS along with TOBIAS which meant that they were probably seeing morphing happening all over the place.
They were staying entirely on the night side of the planet, including just packing up and leapfrogging over as the sun rose, which meant they hadn’t done any damage at all to NORTH AND SOUTH AMERICA but it was only a matter of time, the sun was already setting on the eastern tip of BRAZIL and it would be dark in the place where TERRA lived in another two or three hours and that was a major part of what everyone was talking about, was whether or not to go and try to save TERRA before the HOWLERS got there. There was some hope that maybe people in NORTH AND SOUTH AMERICA would do a better job of resisting and fighting and hiding than the people in CHINA and RUSSIA and EUROPE, TERRA included, since they’d had extra time to prepare, but also as MARCO said, ‘lol.’
At that point, I had to pause for a minute, and pull my brain back out of the conversation, because even though I was able to handle some very big and scary thoughts and a bunch of people talking at the same time and two of them even having the exact same voice, there was one thought that was almost like three juggling balls all by itself and so for a moment I didn’t have room for anything else.
Nobody had said anything about TOBIAS.
Nobody had said anything about TOBIAS, and nobody had said anything about the MEDITERRANEAN SEA, and even though people had been talking about the CHEE, nobody had said anything about TOBIAS.
And there were HOWLERS out there killing everything that moved and the part of the world where we thought TOBIAS might be had been under attack for something like three or four hours already and the sun wasn’t going to come up for another three or four hours and ██████████████
And for a second my brain blanked on ██████████████ but then I pushed past it and stuck my face right up in it and the thing was that TOBIAS might be DEAD, he might be DEAD and I might never see him again or hear from him again or even find out for sure what had happened to him.
And that’s when I realized that I had been carrying around a CUTE LITTLE FAIRY TALE in my head this whole time, the kind of CUTE LITTLE FAIRY TALE where TOBIAS was fine, he was just off on an adventure like when he’d gone to WASHINGTON, D.C., and eventually he would find his way to a computer or a phone or a radio or a spaceship and then he would get in touch, somehow he would get in touch and he would tell us all about what he’d been up to and he would tell us that he was okay and then we would be together again and I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
And you might have thought that my CUTE LITTLE FAIRY TALE would have popped back when VISSER THREE bombed like eight percent of the world into dust and killed all the phones and internet, but nope, apparently that hadn’t been enough to cut through it. What finally cut through it in the end was the way that JAKE and MARCO and MARCO and HELIUM were talking about TERRA like it was just absolutely one hundred percent obvious that if we didn’t go and rescue it ourselves, then it was basically already DEAD. That, and the fact that there was a difference between VISSER THREE cutting all the comms, and the-things-all-the-comms-were-connecting being wiped out completely. Everything was on fire, everything was unraveling, this wasn’t a bomb or a meteor strike, this was the end, there wasn’t going to be a normal to get back to, there wasn’t anything standing between us and oblivion, the HOWLERS had seventeen thousand spaceships and the human species had maybe a hundred and fifty, and that was just the way it was. That was reality.
And I tried to block it out, but it was too big, too big and moving too fast and I couldn’t stop myself from seeing it, couldn’t stop it from sinking in, and there was there was there was, I couldn’t find the right words for it, I am not good at metaphors, but there was a cliff a crack a drop of poison a giant sucking black hole and I was right on the edge of it and the wind was blowing and every single thing that had ever existed had turned into shards of glass and shrapnel and the shards were cutting at my fingers where I was trying to hold on and for a second I felt like I could see what it would be like to actually give up for real and just break, break all the way through so that there wasn’t any GARRETT left at all anymore, just a pile of ashes.
And then some part of my brain stepped up and took over, some tiny little corner of my brain that didn’t know how to do anything except play back TOBIAS’S voice, that was all it knew how to do, but it did that.
You gotta stop acting like—no, you know what? Fuck it—you gotta stop believing that the rules are real, or you are never gonna make it, kid. They’re make-believe. They’re bullshit. Even the ones people think are real, it’s all bullshit. It’s all just guesses. And wishes, I guess—some of it’s wishful thinking. There’s no such thing as if-you-steal-something-you’ll-go-to-jail. It’s if you steal something and they catch you and they have evidence and the jury buys it and you don’t have money or—or friends in high places—
The words kept rolling, the memory unfolding in my mind, and I clung to them because if I didn’t cling to them I was going to blow away. Because as long as I hung on to them I wasn’t completely alone.
—you hearing me? Don’t fall in love with your own made-up stories, kid. Just because you think something is true doesn’t mean it is true. You gotta learn that, no matter how hard it is. There’s only one real rule and that’s looking. You just look, and you remember, and you make your best guess, and you never forget that it’s a guess. And when something happens that you weren’t expecting, you gotta know the difference between whether it’s bad because it’s actually bad, or whether it’s bad just because you thought something else was gonna happen.
I want to pretend like I was listening, like in that moment I was trying to do the thing, like I was actually doing what TOBIAS had been trying to teach me, but in fact I was just hanging on. I was just repeating them like a lullaby, like a magic spell, and when one memory ran out my brain handed me another.
We’re not afraid, okay? We’re not afraid because we can’t be. We don’t have time for it. We’re not afraid because if we let ourselves get too scared we might not be able to do what needs to be done. And we—listen to me, Garrett. We are not the type of people who back down, okay? Remember? You and me—we’re the type of people who do the right thing. Even if it’s scary. Even if it’s hard.
Most of me was shifting, melting, hollowing out, like an earthquake, except that it wasn’t just the ground falling out from under me, it was like I was crumbling, too, like I’d sort of hung myself on all the rocks and trees and buildings and when they fell down into the earth they took me with them. But there was one tiny bit of me that wasn’t falling, and it was the words, TOBIAS’S words, and I held onto them because if I didn’t there wouldn’t be any me left at all, and I took the words and pulled them together into a wireframe skeleton of a person and that was who I was.
Listen. This is going to hurt, okay? It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to bleed, and I’m going to be hurting and bleeding, too, and that—that’s part of it. That’s the ritual. You bleed and you hurt, we both hurt, and that’s like a symbol for it, so we know it’s serious, so we don’t forget. Forever, okay? There’s gonna be a scar. We’re both gonna have scars, because we’re both making this promise and it doesn’t have an expiration date, neither one of us leaves the other one behind in this shithole, okay? I don’t leave you, and you don’t leave me. We both get out, or neither of us—
██████████████
“—k you so long?”
I unshattered myself, unscattered myself, and realized that the door had opened—the door had opened, and it had been like a boulder dropping onto my thoughts—the door had opened, and it had been like a boulder dropping onto my thoughts, and ANTE had come through—the door had opened, and it had been like a boulder dropping onto my thoughts, and ANTE had come through, and MARCO had asked him what took him so long, and now ANTE had sort of stepped to the side, and he hadn’t answered, and there were two HORK-BAJIR who had followed him in, and MARCO was turning back to JAKE and still talking as if he hadn’t just asked a question, and ANTE wasn’t saying anything as if he hadn’t just been asked a question, and why do people do that, I hate that, it doesn’t make any sense, and I wasn’t there, really, was barely there in the room at all, I was just a coloring book outline of a GARRETT made out of some words TOBIAS had said once as I tried to assemble an entire universe from scratch, and then I realized with a sort of sinking feeling in my gut that oh no, I never remorphed back into my morph armor, and it took me a second to figure out why I was thinking that, and the reason I was thinking that is because suddenly all ten of the HORK-BAJIR on the bridge had moved, all at once, and one of them had me by the arms and two of them were grabbing JAKE and there was one already bleeding out on the floor and three more circling warily around HELIUM, whose tail blade was whirling around too fast for me to see, and I could see that the ones that were going after the MARCOS were having a hard time, they were stumbling and sort of twitching as if their brains weren’t quite working, but they were still mostly managing to press forward and then I saw ANTE press a silvery cylinder up against JAKE’S head, there were two HORK-BAJIR holding him steady and the silvery cylinder went right up against his ear and there was a hiss like the sound the air pump makes when it pops off the car tire and JAKE was screaming and
I
started
to
morph
because
‹It’s okay, I’m in morph, I can demorph the Yeerk away, just give me a minute—Marco, can you see? Do they have any others?›
‹No, I don’t think—›
‹Helium here. We have sealed the doors. Over.›
that
was
the
only
sensible
thing
and
I
morphed
into
myself
because
if
I
tried
to
morph
into
anything
else
they
would
notice
and
kill
me
and once I was halfway done and felt the little click that meant that I had thought-speak again I opened up my mind and just let it out, let all of it out, it was the loudest scream I had ever screamed in my life and I only just barely remembered at the last possible instant that I should leave JAKE and MARCO and MARCO and HELIUM and RACHEL and THE STRANGER IN THE DUCT TAPE out of it
Fuck that, you damn well better blame me, if I ever pull some bullshit like that. You’d better be fucking furious. Don’t you ever try to play like it’s okay for people to just blow you off, like—like you’re nothing, like you don’t count.
And when I finally stopped screaming, everyone else was DEAD.
* * *
There was a person whose name was GARRETT and he was slowly putting himself back together, regenerating from a handful of adamantium bones, and in the meantime, he was recording, recording everything, not able to tell the difference between what mattered and what didn’t so it was all getting written down, all of it, handwriting a twentieth of an inch tall filling every last bit of space on a single, too-small sheet of paper. Sights and sounds and smells and sensations, thoughts and memories and words, all of it jumbled on top of itself, washing over him like a tidal wave.
Three intensely bright lights in the ceiling, and a thousand tiny reflections on the curved metal chairs and consoles.
A throbbing hum of distant machinery, cut through by the ticking of the metal hull as the ship rotated in the sunlight and the slow drip of blood from HELIUM’S tail blade.
The movement of tiny hairs as the gentle breeze of the air filtration drifted across skin, cooling the sweat of sudden terror, leaving behind an invisible dusting of salt.
“—more of them coming?”
‹Not yet, the radius of Garrett’s thoughtscream is a third of the length of the ship—›
“Rachel! Rachel, come on, wake up, talk to me—”
The body that belonged to GARRETT moved, crawling over on its hands and knees to the place where ANTE was lying on the ground.
The floor was cold.
Cold, and smooth, and dinosaur-bone brown, and as the toe of a tennis shoe dragged across it there was a brief squeegee squeak.
‹—other eleven pool ships. The auxiliary craft are largely unaffected. The primary hypothesis is that this was recently coordinated amongst the coalescions—›
“Bullshit.”
There was a dull thud, followed by the sound of tearing duct tape. The person whose name was GARRETT heard it, transcribed it, stored it away, but didn’t pay any attention to it. He had only one single sliver of attention available at all, and it was focused on ANTE.
ANTE, who was DEAD.
“You. What the fuck—”
“You know, I really wish you’d stop indulging in these petty fantasies, Marco. Like the one where kicking my host actually hurts me, or the one where every little thing that goes wrong in your universe is automatically my fault—”
ANTE’S eyes were open, and glassy. One of them had turned red, as if half of the blood vessels in it had burst. His face was wrenched, twisted, frozen, his body weirdly contorted. It looked like one of his shoulders had dislocated as he fell, as he spasmed, as all of the signals in his brain went haywire and all of his muscles contracted at once.
The person whose name was GARRETT noticed something suspicious about that thought, something about the way it had been shaped—that all of his muscles had contracted.
Like they’d done it on their own.
Like it was their fault.
“Marco, let it go. Helium, do you still have control?”
‹We have closed all communications channels and shut off manual control of the affected ships. We can perform simple actions via remote control—straightforward maneuvers—but nothing complex.›
“Can they break the lock? Self-destruct?”
“They won’t self-destruct, infant! The whole point was to stop you from sending them into a war zone—they want to live.”
The head that belonged to GARRETT tilted sideways a little, and the eyes that belonged to GARRETT blinked, slowly—once, twice, three times—as they continued to stare at ANTE’S body.
I, the person thought.
Carefully. Gently. Trying it on.
I.
“Send the eleven other pool ships out through the bridge. Have them hold position on the far side. Not directly in line with it, in case something else tries to come through. Recall the other craft, have them form up around us. And—”
I, I thought.
I did it.
I did this.
Me.
“—is there any way to vent the pools from here? Remotely? Ditch Sarcaun, make room for Terra?”
‹Investigating.›
I was GARRETT—just barely—I was a person and my name was GARRETT and I was looking at a boy named ANTE and he was DEAD and the reason that he was DEAD was me.
There were feelings. There were thoughts. But they weren’t inside me—they were swirling around outside, along with everything else—the words, the sounds, the sights, the smells. There wasn’t room inside me for much of anything, yet. Just one single juggling ball.
I killed a person named ANTE. I killed a person that I know.
“If you’re intending to launch an incursion, you should know that the Howlers aren’t actually deterred by sunlight. They can handle it just fine. They just don’t like it. They’ve been staying on the dark side because they’re not in a rush, and they’ve been ignoring ship movements so far because ships aren’t interesting, and they aren’t a threat. But if you take a pool ship into the atmosphere with a giant escort fleet, they’ll notice, and they’ll come.”
“And you know this how?”
“Howler morph. Collective memory, remember? No need to take my word for it.”
I had killed ANTE, because he had been trying to infest JAKE, because he was probably infested himself, and the YEERKS infesting him had been trying to stop us from taking them down to the planet where the HOWLERS were killing everything, because they didn’t want to die, and in the quiet spot in the middle of the maelstrom, in the tiny little patch of nothing that was under my control, I realized that I didn’t know how I was going to think about that.
And then I realized that I was going to choose how to think about it—that I didn’t have a story yet, a title and a poster to tell me what kind of movie this was, and at some point very soon there would be a title and a poster, and it was going to be because of that title and poster that I would know whether I was supposed to feel sad or guilty or righteous or ashamed or regretful-but-determined or what, it wasn’t the killing itself that was going to matter but where I stood in relation to it, and when I realized that I got dizzy, literally actually dizzy—
“Garrett.”
It was my name. My name was being said. My name had been said a few times over the past twenty or thirty seconds, actually, I was realizing, but I still wasn’t ready yet, I was somewhere else, I was with ANTE, the boy I had killed, and I was trying to figure out what it all meant—
“Garrett, look at me.”
We’re the type of people who—
Just because you think something is true doesn’t mean—
“Garrett, I know you’re—freaking out, or whatever, having a meltdown, and I’m sorry, but Garrett, I need to know, do you have a Howler morph?”
If I could just decide how to think about things—decide how to feel about them—if that was up to me—
“Should we—I dunno—hit him or something?”
“Magellan, what about Cousteau?”
“Nope, he’s been dayside the whole time.”
“Hang on, I have an idea—”
I felt loose again, and shaky, the tiny bit of ground I’d managed to scrape together under my feet suddenly crumbling again.
Don’t fall in love with your own made-up stories—
But how could you tell which stories were made up and which ones were real?
“Jake, what—”
“Shut up.”
You just look, and you remember, and you make your best guess, and you never forget that it’s a guess—
I was supposed to make a guess about what it meant, that ANTE was DEAD. About what it meant that he was DEAD because I had killed him.
That—
That—
That was crazy. I would have to guess about—about everything, this was connected to everything, I couldn’t make a guess about this without somehow figuring out how to think about the whole entire universe—
“Garrett.”
My head spun around so fast my neck cracked, because I knew that voice.
“T—Tobias?”
I felt myself lunging forward, lunging forward with my arms spread wide open, I had already thrown myself at him before I realized, before my slow, broken, stupid, tired brain caught up and I understood what had happened, what had obviously happened, it was JAKE, JAKE had morphed into TOBIAS, had morphed into TOBIAS to—to—to get my attention, he’d done it as just, like, a move, and it had worked, because I was a CHUMP and a RETARD and a SPAZMASTER 3000 and I had maybe never been so angry ever before in my entire life, not just at JAKE but also at myself, on top of everything else this one thing was just too much, and for a split second I really genuinely thought about screaming at JAKE until he died, I think I maybe would have actually done it except for one thing, I hadn’t ever realized that JAKE and MARCO had TOBIAS morphs from before I woke up, and that meant that even if he was DEAD, even if TOBIAS was DEAD down there on EARTH somewhere, he wasn’t really gone, not all the way, but if I screamed at JAKE now that might scramble his TOBIAS-BRAIN enough that I wouldn’t be able to acquire him properly and so I just had to hold it all in.
Again.
But at least I managed to figure it out fast enough that instead of throwing my arms around him I got my hands straight out in front of me and I grabbed him, grabbed him by the thick squishy part of the arms right above the elbows and I focused and acquired him and I’m pretty sure JAKE figured out what I was doing but he didn’t try to move away or anything until I was done.
“Sorry,” he said, in a voice that did not sound properly sorry at all and somewhere in the back of my mind a part of me that was very, very cold whispered the words so, what have we learned today? “But I need you to—”
“Get out of Tobias’s body. Now.”
JAKE made a face, it was a JAKE face not a TOBIAS face, and I got ready to scream again because I was now at my absolute max limit of BULLSHIT TOLERANCE, but he didn’t say anything, he just nodded and almost immediately his hair started to darken and his eyes started to lighten and slowly the horrible twisty feeling that I had been feeling in the center of my chest started to loosen.
“Garrett. Do you have a Howler morph?”
I tried to come up with something snappy and scathing that would hurt him, or at least show how angry I was, but I couldn’t come up with anything fast enough so eventually all I said was “Why?” and I tried to make it sound scary and cold and threatening but I’m not very good at that.
“Have you not—okay—because Visser Three says if one of us morphs a Howler, we can see everything they can see. All their memories. And if he’s right, there’s stuff in there that we need to know if we’re going to save Terra.”
I looked over at the person who had been gagged and blindfolded with duct tape and some of the words that I had been hearing-but-not-really rolled back through my mind and suddenly it made sense, the stranger was a VISSER THREE CONTROLLER. VISSER THREE was on board the ship with us, MARCO had brought him on board as a prisoner and then taken the duct tape off, and JAKE was listening to him, negotiating with him, the same JAKE who had just used TOBIAS’S body as a tool and who had been ready to blow up the whole world just a few days ago—
I noticed a story trying to wrap itself around me and broke through it like cobwebs. I glanced over at ANTE’S body.
“I have a Howler morph,” I said. “So does Rachel.”
JAKE’S eyes flickered over toward the corner where RACHEL was slumped up against the wall in zombie mode.
“Can you morph into it, please?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
I knew what he meant, what he meant was I am asking you to morph into it, but for one thing, I wasn’t actually sure if the morphing tech was done analyzing it or not and for another thing I was still furious and was not feeling very cooperative toward JAKE at all.
“Garrett. Please. Please morph into the Howler, we don’t have much time.”
“You’re wasting that time, to be clear,” said VISSER THREE. “I’m not lying. I have absolutely no reason to lie.”
“Garrett.”
“Fine,” I said, and I closed my eyes and focused.
There were voices in the dark, as my body shifted and melted and rearranged itself.
“If you take this ship down there, you’re not getting back alive.”
“Sure we are. Because you are going to create a distraction.”
“Oh?”
“Don’t play dumb. You’ve got thousands of bodies down there, and there’s no way the bombs you set off last week were the only card you had up your sleeve. Figure it out. Do something that keeps the Howlers off us, and we’ll give you the cube.”
“Jake—”
“I didn’t pick this level, Marco. I’m just playing it. You have a better idea?”
“I do. Why don’t I just kill all of the Howlers?”
“Why don’t you just kill all of the Howlers?”
“Because I need your word that once I’ve done so, you won’t suddenly decide that you’re going to blow up the cube anyway.”
“Yeah, and does that cut both ways? What’s stopping you from doing whatever the fuck you want after we hand it over?”
“I humbly submit to you that there are a lot of good things you can only get if you’re the kind of person who can actually keep a promise.”
“Says you. How do you know that you’re even the real Visser Three, and not some clone he spun up specifically for the purpose of making promises that he himself wouldn’t be bound by?”
“How indeed? I know, why don’t we let fifty million more humans die while you dither over it for an hour?”
I opened my eyes.
I had been more-or-less following the conversation while I morphed, alongside being angry at JAKE and being angry at myself and a little bit still trying to figure out what was up with the whole stories thing I was suddenly not-able to not-notice. But all of that fell away when the morph completed, and my eyes opened.
The first thing I noticed was the eyesight.
I have worn a lot of different bodies at this point, so I am pretty used to having all different kinds of vision, like sharp hawk-eye vision and crazy shattered compound-eye bug vision and heat-seeking snake vision and really bad rhinoceros vision.
But this was different from all of those. It was closest to snake vision, I guess, but I wasn’t just seeing where things were warm now, I was also seeing where warm things had been, like a trail of fading light behind MARCO’S arm as it moved around in time with his words. And the trail of light was forward facing, somehow, I can’t quite explain it but even though the trails were behind his arm, something in the HOWLER brain was translating that into an arrow that was telling me where his arm would be.
And not only that, but I could see through things—through the clothes that JAKE and MARCO were wearing, through the outer layers of skin and fur on HELIUM and the HORK-BAJIR. I could see the dim outlines of organs as if they were lit up by spotlights—HEARTS and LUNGS and STOMACHS and KIDNEYS—could track the ebb and flow of air, the surge of blood through veins and arteries, even an almost-invisible flicker that I thought might be the firing of nerves.
They were the eyes of a hunter. Target-acquiring eyes.
And that’s when I noticed the second thing, which is that the HOWLER brain was not like any other brain I had ever been in. When I had been little animals like birds and squirrels and bugs I had felt a kind of crazy jittery terrified alertness, and when I had been big animals like gorillas and elephants I had felt calm, unworried confidence, and when I had been predators like a lion or a hawk I had felt the hunting instinct, a kind of alert restlessness that kept my eyes moving from one thing to the next to the next.
And given that the HOWLERS were killing everything and that they had SUPER MURDER VISION I had expected them to be closest to that last category, or maybe filled with rage or bloodlust, and I had honestly been bracing myself a little in case the HOWLER instincts turned out to be overwhelming or hard-to-control.
And certainly there was something like the-opposite-of-anxiousness, but it wasn’t made out of I-know-that-I’m-strong or I-know-that-I’m-dangerous or I-know-that-nothing-wants-to-mess-with-me. All of those things were true inside the HOWLER brain, but they weren’t the HOWLER’S MAIN THING.
The HOWLER’S MAIN THING—
I don’t know if you noticed, but I had been having a very bad day overall, and being in touch with the HOWLER brain—it was a relief.
The HOWLER was happy.
Happy like snow days, happy like Saturday morning cartoons, happy like a little kid on a trampoline. I felt like I had suddenly taken off a heavy backpack I had been carrying around all day, or stuck my whole face into cool water—except that it wasn’t a calm, quiet kind of happy, it was more like—like—like I had heard the ice cream truck around the corner right after finding a dollar on the ground.
“Garrett? You okay in there?”
‹Yes,› I said—reflexively, without even thinking, because it was true, I was okay. The weight, the pressure, the overload—it was all draining away.
I swept my gaze around the room again. I felt—
Bouncy?
Like I wanted to maybe grab HELIUM and wrestle, wrestle and maybe just a little bit we could also use our sharp parts, HELIUM’S tail blade and my claws—
“Are you getting the memories? Can you see anything?”
‹No,› I said, forcing myself to look away from the pulse of blood vessels along HELIUM’S flank.
“You have to access them deliberately,” said VISSER THREE. “Use the backdoor, as if you were trying to unlock the specific personality of the body you’re morphing. It may be a little overwh—”
██████████████
“—okay? Garrett! Can you hear me—”
‹I’m okay,› I said, my voice shaky. ‹Please—please back away from me.›
JAKE’S eyes widened, and he took two hasty steps backward.
‹Sorry. That was—just—just give me a minute.›
I closed my eyes again, the thick, armored lids sliding down, shutting out all light.
I had almost been swept away, again. Would have been swept away, this time, if not for the soothing, bubbling, calming HOWLER brain keeping me grounded, feeding me mental energy, making everything seem okay.
The memories—
They were vast, infinite, unending, like being in the center of a cathedral-sized sphere made out of a million TVs all blasting different channels at full volume. They were bright, too—vivid and exhilarating and full of joy and delight.
And they were absolutely full of blood.
Red blood, black blood, blue blood, green blood—blood spurting from deep wounds, blood seeping across soaked earth, blood dripping from knife edges. Blood boiling and sizzling, misting in the air, smoke tinged with blood, walls painted with it.
“Garrett, what do you see?”
Hundreds of worlds—maybe even thousands—war upon war, invasion after invasion after invasion, death dealt out in a billion different, interesting ways.
“Garrett—”
‹They’re children,› I said.
“What?”
‹The Howlers. They’re children. Little children. They don’t—they aren’t—›
“They’re having fun,” VISSER THREE cut in, shrugging the shoulders of his human host. “Killing, I mean. It’s a game to them.”
‹They don’t understand it. They don’t—they don’t understand anything—›
They lived for only a few years. Were born already connected to the vast archive of memory—didn’t need a childhood to develop language or skills. They didn’t have individual lives, barely even had individual personalities—they spent their days in an endless, insatiable quest for novelty, for something—anything—that none of them had experienced before.
And mainly—
Mainly they found it through killing.
New planets, new species, new technology to test themselves against and later incorporate into their arsenal—they had marauded across the galaxy for centuries, all without the slightest hint of anger or hatred or violent intent. Just kids playing a first-person shooter—toddlers raised on first-person shooters. Every new world was a challenge, and they threw themselves into it with reckless abandon, each dead HOWLER an experiment, a hypothesis, a lesson for the rest of them to learn from.
I felt—
I felt—
I knew exactly what I was feeling, I was just pretending not to know because on some level I could tell that I wasn’t supposed to be feeling it, but that was stupid so I just let myself notice it properly.
Envy.
I was envious.
I was envious because the HOWLERS—
The HOWLERS didn’t have stories. They didn’t have guesses. They didn’t have fear or confusion or loss, didn’t have friends who went away and never came back, didn’t have memories that disappeared forever when one of their bodies died. All those months I’d lost—everything that had happened after the mesa, everything I had pieced together from digging through everyone else’s memories—if I had been a HOWLER it would have all just been right there for me to download, and I wouldn’t have had to wonder, and I wouldn’t have had to worry, and it wouldn’t matter that ANTE was DEAD and it wouldn’t matter that I had killed him, I wouldn’t have had to try to figure out what it meant, I would have just gone on to the next thing and the next and the next and the next—
“Garrett, are you still with us?”
‹Yes.›
“If we try to take the pool ship down to pick up Terra—”
‹It won’t work.›
I could see through the eyes of my brothers as they ripped their way across EUROPE, across AFRICA, as they made landfall in SOUTH AMERICA and GREENLAND. I could feel their restless eagerness, the way they turned toward every mystery, every curiosity, following everything that looked like it even might be an adventure.
Individual BUG FIGHTERS were boring. They knew how to kill BUG FIGHTERS.
Space battles were boring. They’d been in space battles before.
But foiling a desperate rescue attempt—a big, slow monster of a spaceship that thought it was safe because it stayed in the sunlight—
Well. They’d foiled rescue attempts, too. But this would be a new variation on the theme.
(Somewhere in SPAIN, a HOWLER floored the accelerator on a sports car, redlining the engine, boosting it toward the steep embankment just as another HOWLER brought a small prop plane down in a swooping dive. There was a moment of transcendent anticipation, a glorious feeling of weightlessness, and then the car smashed into the plane, both HOWLERS dying in a brilliant mid-air fireball, sending waves of ecstasy across the psychic web.)
‹Visser Three is right. They will come.›
“What if he puts on a distraction?”
I scanned the seething, whirling mass of memory. ‹There are thousands and thousands of them. They’ll just split up.›
“Do they know about Terra yet?”
‹No.›
Something caught my mental eye, a flash of chrome and ivory, and I zeroed in on a point in the chaos to see a CHEE running through a desert canyon, pursued by hooting HOWLERS that leapt, birdlike, from rock to rock—
TOBIAS.
I drew back, searching the vast archive for memories of TOBIAS.
I saw morphers, and I saw them die.
I saw CHEE, and I saw them die.
I saw MARCLONES, and I saw them die.
But no HOWLER had killed TOBIAS. No HOWLER had seen TOBIAS.
Not in his own body, anyway.
They’ve been firebombing every city they come across—
But TOBIAS wouldn’t have been in a city. He wouldn’t.
Stories—
“Helium,” JAKE said. “You still have the fleet under control?”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Visser. You have a quantum—”
VISSER THREE held up a finger. “One moment,” he said. “Terra is a unique hive-mind in the Brazilian Amazon, containing humans and animals alike, centralized around a cooperative Yeerk pool located at the confluence of the Rio Branco and the Itaquai River.”
“What are you—no. No. No, oh god—Garrett. Demorph, now.”
‹Why?›
“Because,” said VISSER THREE. “Everything your morphed body is experiencing right now—including this conversation—is flowing into the Howlers’ collective memory.”
“Oh, fuck—”
“Wait—Garrett—can you tell whether they can see your memories? Like, can you look through the—the database, or whatever, and see if—”
“They can’t,” said VISSER THREE. “Just what the Howler body is currently perceiving and recording. Obviously.”
“Garrett. Now.”
‹Roger.›
“And you. What the hell—”
VISSER THREE held up a finger. “Points,” he said. “One. The Howlers are picking up human speech. They don’t yet have a firm enough grasp on it to understand what I just said, but by midnight over the Amazon, they will.”
“You motherf—”
“Two. They will have noticed a Howler mind suddenly appearing aboard this ship, and then disappearing, and that will absolutely pique their curiosity. I expect we have just elevated the fleet from ‘boring’ to ‘interesting.’”
“Why would—”
“Because I, too, am bored. I am bored, and I am tired, and I have been exceptionally cooperative, and it’s time for you children to make up your minds. I can destroy the Howlers—all of the Howlers—before they reach you or your precious little Terra. You hand over two of the pool ships, and I will withdraw from this system and never come back. Whatever empire I manage to create, it will treat your people kindly, according to your own definition of kindness. But I want the cube. Now.”
“You—”
“I should mention that I have my own Howler morph body sitting inside a holochamber at this very instant, and it would be extremely easy to, say, identify this ship in particular as the one that would be most fun to destroy, or draw an arrow toward the Amazon that doesn’t require them to notice and decode a bunch of human speech. I will give you five minutes to make your decision. I know you’re not exactly quick-witted, but that should be plenty, even for you, because this is not a hard call.”
“Helium, is the corridor outside clear?”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Can you seal it?”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Magellan, you and him get the fuck out of here, right now.”
The clean-looking MARCO grabbed the VISSER THREE CONTROLLER by his collar and dragged him out of the room.
“Helium. Are any Howler ships heading this way? Any of them leaving Earth in general?”
‹No, Prince Jake. Not yet.›
“God dammit. God dammit.”
“Jake—”
“Talk, Marco, Jesus.”
“He’s gonna want to confirm this with a Leeran. Which means we’re going to have to get close enough that he can do pretty much whatever he wants.”
“He can already do whatever he wants. If he’s got a quantum virus for the Howlers already, you think he doesn’t have one for us? He’s had our original bodies for months. The only thing stopping him is knowing that if we start to die mysteriously, at least one of us will probably manage to blow the cube first.”
“So, what—we give it to him, he puts it in some kind of Faraday cage, and then he kills us?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know, I can’t think, I keep feeling like we’re missing something—the Chee, the Ellimist, Terra, it feels like this can’t be where it all comes together—”
‹Know victory.›
JAKE blinked. HELIUM hadn’t moved, was still standing in the center of the bridge where he had been the whole time, looking out over the consoles at the viewscreens, but there was a single stalk-eye twisted backward to point at us.
“It’s wrong,” JAKE said. “Something about this is wrong.”
“We could just go out through the rift ourselves,” MARCO said. “Take the cube, live to fight another day.”
JAKE’S eyes drifted toward the viewscreen, where suddenly there was an image of the blue globe of the EARTH, suspended in the darkness, surrounded by thousands of tiny sparks of light.
Seconds passed.
“Elfangor said to me,” JAKE murmured. “Elfangor said—he asked—what would I do, if the fate of my species hung in the balance?”
He turned to look at MARCO. “My species,” he repeated. “Not the galaxy.”
MARCO frowned.
“Marco. Can we get a binding promise out of him? I know you’ve been thinking about this—can we get an actual agreement?”
“Ten percent chance,” MARCO said.
“Versus a one hundred percent chance of everybody dying,” JAKE muttered. He looked down at his feet, shook his head. “This is wrong,” he repeated. “It—it feels off, somehow.”
I looked at JAKE. I looked at MARCO. I looked at HELIUM, standing in the center of the bridge, and at RACHEL, slumped over against the wall, and ANTE, who was DEAD. I thought about TOBIAS, and CASSIE.
JAKE sees it, too.
The stories.
JAKE could feel them trying to wrap around him, the this-is-how-you-should-think-about-this, this-is-how-you-should-feel-about-this. The fake feeling of certainty tying your shoelaces together.
I spoke up. “Don’t fall in love with your own made-up stories.”
JAKE’S eyes turned toward me, seeming to look right through me at something far behind me.
“Helium,” he said. “A quantum virus. It’ll kill all the Howlers?”
‹Yes, Prince Jake. Every Howler everywhere in the universe, in theory. Certainly every Howler in this galaxy.›
“Open the door.”
The door hissed open, and the clean-looking MARCO and the VISSER THREE CONTROLLER stepped through.
“You stop the Howlers,” JAKE said. “You stop the Howlers, and we give you the cube, and you leave humanity in peace.”
VISSER THREE nodded.
“You stop the Howlers first. You stop them now. Then we figure out the rest, in detail, with a Leeran. We do it slowly, no time pressure.”
VISSER THREE shrugged, stepped forward, held out a hand. “Shake on it?”
JAKE’S arm began to rise—
“Stop! You can’t!”
It wasn’t until after everything had already gone still and quiet that my brain was able to go back and sort it all out and figure out what had happened, and what had happened was this:
The air between JAKE and VISSER THREE had opened up, and two people had fallen out of it, and one of them was a little boy with soot-covered clothes and a tear-streaked face, and the other one was CASSIE.
JAKE and VISSER THREE had both jumped backward, and HELIUM’S tail blade had snapped into a ready position.
CASSIE had shouted “Stop! You can’t!” as MARCO—
—the tired, dirty MARCO, the one who had brought VISSER THREE on board—
—MARCO had pulled a handheld DRACON BEAM out of his pocket and pointed it straight at CASSIE and his finger had been on the trigger and it had been squeezing, I hadn’t processed it in the moment but when I looked back he had definitely been trying to fire.
And RACHEL—
—who had been sitting motionless in the corner in zombie mode the whole time—
—RACHEL had surged forward, surged to her feet, and slammed her hand down on MARCO’S wrist, knocking the DRACON BEAM out of his hand and sending both of them tumbling to the deck in a tangled heap.
And as we all stood there, frozen and confused, I noticed that I could smell SMOKE.
Chapter 68: Chapter 46: Cassie (Part I)
Notes:
I have a couple of days left before the next update is "due," so to speak, but also the back half of the chapter feels like it deserves more work than I can give it in the next 48h. So here's the first half of Cassie, and I'll shoot to get the second half out by Feb 7th.
As always, thank you so very much for your commentary, reviews, and feedback. I may not always reply, but I read every word, and it really does help keep me going. Drop by r/rational for theorizing if you're looking for a back-and-forth.
Lastly, a bit of a contest. I've always been dissatisfied with the last line of Chapter 14 (Esplin). If people are interested in submitting their own suggestions for what Esplin might think to himself, in that moment, I'm certainly interested in stealing them. =)
Until next week,
- Duncan
Chapter Text
DO YOU STILL WANT TO SAVE LIVES, CASSIE WITHERS?
* * *
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
I knew a lot of things.
Like the fact that time had passed. I could—feel it, somehow. Months. Years, maybe.
I knew that the dead bodies all around me—ten Hork-Bajir, one human, eleven Yeerk—I knew that they’d been put there by the scared, overloaded twelve-year-old boy curled up against the wall. A boy who I’d last seen frozen in time, surrounded by fire and death, a laser beam pointed at the back of his neck.
I knew that the man in the corner—the man with duct tape still clinging to one of his wrists—was a prisoner. A prisoner twice over—first enslaved by Visser Three, then taken captive by Marco.
I knew—as if I’d been there, listening in, the whole time—that there were Howlers burning across the surface of the Earth. I knew that they were winning. I knew that there was nothing we could do to stop them.
Nothing we could do.
And I knew—could somehow remember hearing Garrett say it, even though I hadn’t been there—what the Howlers truly were. I knew that they were children. Innocent, in the most meaningful sense—like the Yeerks had been, when they first arrived, before they learned and changed.
I didn’t know how I knew all of this. It took a few seconds for me to even question how I knew it—to notice that something was strange, to realize that I should be confused. Not until after the critical moment—after I’d seen Jake, about to shake hands with the devil, and found myself shouting out Stop!
The two of them had sprung apart.
Marco had pulled a gun on me.
Rachel had tackled Marco.
And then the boy standing next to me—the boy from inside the Yeerk pool, the boy I had rescued, the boy I had almost forgotten I was holding—had started to scream.
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
There was a flash of blue as Ax—moving too quickly to see, too quickly for me to have reacted even if I’d wanted to—Ax whirled from his place in the center of the room, whirled and then snapped into stillness like someone had hit pause.
He was holding a weapon in each hand—one pointed at me, the other pointed at the boy, who I reflexively pulled tighter toward me as he thrashed and struggled, trying to escape, not knowing that there was nowhere to go.
And Ax’s tail, half-outstretched like a snake in mid-strike—
Ax’s tail was pointed at Marco, the needle tip of its blade hovering an inch away from his temple.
‹Prince Jake. Please cover the Visser.›
Jake was on it already, straightening from the floor where he’d picked up the gun that Marco had dropped. The man in the corner was unmoving, his hands resting in his lap, his eyes narrow, a slight frown playing around his lips.
‹Magellan. With the Visser, please.›
A figure stepped forward, and I realized with a shock that it was a second Marco, a dark and furious look on his face, every movement of his limbs broadcasting deep resentment and reluctance as he joined the man in the corner.
‹Human child. Please be silent.›
The boy kept screaming, screaming and struggling, and a sort of sick, nauseated feeling spread through my stomach as I fought to keep him in place.
‹Cassie. Can you silence him?›
“He’s terrified,” I said, raising my voice to be heard over his screams. “It’s not his fault, he doesn’t underst—”
TSEWWWWWW!
The beam of light flashed out, bright as lightning, and I felt an electric-fence tingle in my arm as the boy convulsed, went silent, slid out of my hands, and tumbled to the deck.
It was only then that the fear hit me.
All at once, from every angle—that I was surrounded by dead bodies, that I knew things I couldn’t possibly know, that I didn’t know where I was or how I had gotten there, that I was pretty sure I had been dead—
But mostly that Ax had just fired a gun at an innocent child, and was holding another gun on me, and was clearly ready to stab Marco through the head—
And Jake wasn’t batting an eye.
‹Remain still. Do not speak.›
I couldn’t have if I’d wanted to. My whole body had gone rigid, my jaw wired shut, my tongue swollen and numb. My heart was pounding so hard that it shook me, and I felt wildly dizzy, like I might faint—
Panic attack.
You’re having a panic attack.
It was—it wasn’t reassuring, exactly, but it was solid and mundane, the kind of thing I knew about, had heard about, and so I grabbed onto the thought, grabbed it and clung to it even as Jake turned his head and spoke, his voice as cold as liquid nitrogen.
“When did you take him?”
Deep breaths.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Marco bit out—the first Marco, the one that had tried to shoot me, his voice every bit as cold. “I’m not a Controller. And we both know that I can’t say anything to prove it, so what do you want from me?”
Deep breaths, and eyes closed—
“I want you out of his head. Now.”
Another voice—the man’s voice. “I’m not in his—”
“You shut up.”
Deep breaths, eyes closed. Focus on something. Something simple.
“Helium. Any way to check Marco for infestation?”
‹A canine morph, perhaps?›
“Do you have a dog morph?”
‹No. We believe Garrett does, though.›
“Garr—ah, crap, never mind.”
My name is Cassie Withers.
“Jake, I’ve got a—”
“No. Stop talking. Sorry, Magellan. You—you get it. Not until we figure this out.”
My name is Cassie Withers. I live at number 11, Apple Canyon Road.
“Rachel, I don’t suppose you’re—no.”
A sound like a fist dropping down on a metal desk.
I work at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic. I want to be a vet someday.
“Garrett. Please. Can you hear me?”
Silence.
I have a horse named Peppermint.
“Helium. How are we doing with the mutiny?”
‹The lockdown is holding. We are monitoring likely sabotage targets—engines, power generation, life support. We have sealed the entrances to the pool chambers, so the coalescions are neither issuing orders nor receiving new information.›
I have a horse named Peppermint, and I know what it’s like to be her. I know what it’s like to be her, because I’ve transformed into her, and the reason I can transform into her is because an alien named Elfangor gave me the ability to morph, as a weapon to fight back against the Yeerks—
I could feel the panic fading, adrenaline slowly draining back out of my veins as I forced myself back toward calm.
—the Yeerks, who took my parents, and killed Melissa Chapman, and they killed Jake but the morphing power saved him, and we went on a mission to destroy the Yeerk pool, but then a creature appeared and it stopped time and it told us—
“If I morph, can you cover them all?”
‹No, Prince Jake.›
—it told us that there was a meteor coming, Visser Three sent a meteor to wipe out all of Ventura, and I tried to save a little boy, but I failed, I didn’t make it, they shot me out of the sky and—
The words stopped—the literal actual words that I had been saying to myself—but the thoughts continued.
The god-creature had shown us what was about to happen, and offered us a choice.
I’d chosen to try to save the boy, and then the meteor had struck.
And now, I was here—here, on what looked like the bridge of a spaceship, my head filled with knowledge I couldn’t possibly have.
So the how was obvious. Obviously, the god-creature had saved me, somehow.
Now all I needed was the why.
“Visser. Listen to me very carefully. Our deal is not off the table. But as you can see, the situation has changed. I need a few minutes to think, and then we can talk more. Don’t resist.”
TSEWWWWWW!
My eyes snapped open as the man slumped to the deck.
“Sorry, Marco. Sorry, Magellan.”
TSEWWWWWW! TSEWWWWWW!
Jake turned his eyes on me, his face blank and masklike. “Sorry, Cassie,” he said quietly.
“Jake—”
TSEWWWWWW!
* * *
A warm shiver passed through my body, like the feeling of stepping out of the shade and into the sun. I opened my eyes to see Jake standing a few feet away, looking down at me.
“Hi,” he said. “Don’t say anything just yet.”
I sat up. The scene was mostly the same as it had been, though the dead bodies had disappeared somewhere. I didn’t see Garrett or the boy from the pool, either. Just Ax, Rachel, and Marco—
—only one Marco—
—and the unconscious form of Visser Three’s host body.
“Sorry about stunning you,” Jake said.
There was a strange, flat quality to his voice. Like the way he sounded when he’d been called on by a teacher, to answer a question he didn’t particularly want to answer. He sounded—guarded. Closed-off.
Controlled.
“Here’s what we know,” he continued. He was looking at me, his eyes pointed straight at mine, but they weren’t focused on me. Like he was looking at my eyes themselves, at the surface of me, rather than trying to make eye contact with the person underneath. “We know that Marco’s not a Controller, unless Visser Three has two different kinds of artificial Yeerks, and one of them doesn’t smell at all.”
I glanced over toward Marco, who was looking back at me with a tight, wary expression, as if I were a wild animal that might suddenly attack.
“We know that Rachel’s not a Controller, either, and that she doesn’t exactly know why she stopped Marco, except that she saw something in some kind of vision that warned her that Marco was going to try to kill you. Which I guess means that she knew you were going to show up, too, or might show up. It’s all very confusing.”
I looked over at Rachel. She was sitting curled up in one of the metal chairs bolted to the deck, a strange, slack look on her face.
Some kind of vision?
“Would you like to know why Marco tried to kill you?”
I turned back to Jake. He was still looking not-quite-at-me, his expression still empty and unreadable.
“I already know,” I said slowly. “At least, I think I know.”
It wasn’t some grand epiphany. The answer hadn’t come to me in a flash of brilliant insight, or anything like that. I just knew how Marco worked, and together with Jake’s assertion that he wasn’t infested, plus my guess as to how I’d gotten there in the first place—
Jake’s head tilted a fraction of an inch.
“I mean, it’s got to be the god-creature, right?” I continued. “The thing we saw down in the pool? It—it brought me back, somehow?”
Jake said nothing.
“So I’m guessing—I’m guessing Marco doesn’t like that. I’m guessing that he—”
I swallowed. My voice wasn’t actually trembling, but it was trying to tremble, and I was having a hard time keeping enough pressure on it to keep it steady.
“I’m guessing he doesn’t like why it brought me back. Doesn’t like being messed with. That shooting me was sort of like—like plugging his ears and going la-la-la, I’m not listening.”
Jake nodded slowly.
Marco spoke up. “What I forgot,” he sighed, “because I’m an idiot, is that it doesn’t really matter at this point. Whatever impact they wanted you to have, you’re gonna have it, whether that’s me shooting you or you and Jake making out or you turning out to be a terminator or whatever.”
“And the first thing you did,” Jake said quietly, “was stop me from making a deal with Visser Three.”
I couldn’t exactly say what had changed. But suddenly, his eyes were focused on me—were looking at me, instead of just in my direction.
My mouth went dry.
This is a test, I thought. Jake is testing you.
And it was scary how scary of a thought that was.
“You were going to give him the morphing cube,” I said carefully. “In exchange for him using a—a quantum virus, to kill all the Howlers.”
“How do you know about quantum viruses?” Jake asked. “We didn’t learn about those until after you died.”
I felt a chill at the first question, and a second, bigger chill at the offhand way he said after you died.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just do.”
“What other things do you know, that you don’t know why you know?” Marco cut in.
I swallowed again.
“When I first—popped up,” I said. “I knew that man was a Visser Three host.”
I gestured toward the unconscious body.
“And I knew that Garrett—”
I broke off, looking around the room, suddenly realizing why Garrett wasn’t visible.
He’s in morph somewhere. Something small. Him and the other Marco both. Or maybe they’re in the next room.
They’re in morph, in case they decide to kill you.
“I knew that Garrett had killed all the Hork-Bajir,” I said, forcing the words out one at a time. “And—and the teenage boy. He did his screaming thing at them.”
“Did you know that Marco wasn’t a Visser Three host?”
I frowned. “I don’t think so. No.”
“Does the name ‘Edriss’ mean anything to you?”
“No.”
“What about Visser One.”
“Visser…One?”
“Do you know who the teenage boy was?”
I shook my head. “No.”
They were probing, pressing, like police interrogators. Like I was a spy they’d captured, and they were trying to figure out how much I knew…
Am I a spy?
Would I know, if I were?
Something had brought me back, and it had brought me back for a reason, and it had put a bunch of thoughts into my head, and if it was the same creature that had spoken to us down in the Yeerk pool—
I opened my mouth, then hesitated.
It had only just occurred to me, seeing Jake and Marco standing there, side-by-side—
“Did it work?” I asked. “Tom, I mean. Tom, and—and your dad. Did they—”
Jake shook his head tightly. “Not your turn to ask questions yet. Sorry.”
It didn’t work.
It couldn’t have. Or—or it had worked, but then something else had gone wrong. Something that would leave Jake—would leave both of them—so—
So—
“How long has it been?” I asked. “Since—”
I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence.
Jake and Marco exchanged a look, and then Marco sighed. “It’s October,” he said. “Not sure what day, exactly. Twentieth. Maybe twenty-fifth.” He looked at me, and his lips twitched in a sour smile. “Meaning it’s been like four or five months,” he added. “Not, y’know, that plus a year or two.”
Four or five months.
It had only been four or five months.
That’s what I’m afraid of—not that we’ll wake up one day and realize that we’ve crossed all the lines, but that we’ll look back and we won’t even see any lines—that we won’t know what all the fuss was about in the first place, because every choice we made was good, every choice we made was justified.
That’s what I had said to Jake, four or five months ago. After my time in the woods, when I’d murdered a grizzly bear. After Rachel had murdered a teenager that had been carrying a Visser Three clone. Before the Yeerk pool, before the truck mission—back when we’d still been able to keep track of every individual atrocity.
If you were a god, and you brought Cassie Withers back to life, what would you expect to happen? What would you be doing it for?
There was something sideways about that thought, something wrong with it that I couldn’t quite put my finger on—
“What else?”
I blinked. “Sorry, what?”
“What else do you know?”
“I know about the Howlers.”
“What do you know about the Howlers?”
I bit my lip. “I know that they’re scouring the planet,” I said. “I know that they’re staying mainly in the dark. I know that they’re a—that they have some kind of hive brain. And I know that they—that Garrett morphed into one, and he says they’re children. Toddlers. That they don’t really understand what they’re doing.”
“What does that mean, to you?”
I hesitated.
“Cassie. What does that mean to you?”
I shivered. Somehow, the emptiness in his voice was so much clearer when it came attached to my name. I’d never heard him say my name quite that way, before—like it wasn’t my name at all, just another word. Like it was a piece of furniture.
What happened to you, Jake?
“It means that it’s wrong to kill them,” I said softly. Softly, but not with any doubt. I wasn’t sure why I was there, yet, but I was sure that I was there, and there was only one answer I could give to that question. “Not if there’s any other way—any other way at all.”
“See?” said Marco. “Told you.”
“But why?” Jake mused, his eyes taking on a faraway look. “Why set it all up so nicely, funnel us all the way to that moment, only to—”
“Two players,” Marco cut in.
“So one of them wants us to ally with Visser Three, and the other wants—what?”
They were gone, already—gone in an instant, vanished back to some aloof, distant perspective, tinkering with the pieces of the situation as if they were just so many LEGO bricks, trying to see what different sorts of things they could make out of it. Like watching a scene through a thick pane of glass—
No, two panes of glass. The one between them and the horror that was currently unfolding, and the one between them and me.
I looked over at Ax—Helium?—who was still standing guard over the unconscious body of the Visser Three host, his main eyes pointed downward as his stalk eyes traced back and forth between me and the two boys.
I turned to look at Rachel—
“Rachel,” I whispered.
She didn’t respond. Didn’t even blink—just kept staring off into space, her shoulders slumped, her jaw slack.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked.
The boys broke off their conversation, exchanging a look.
“Don’t you know?” Marco asked.
I shook my head.
“Does the word ‘helium’ mean anything to you?”
I shook my head again. “I’ve heard Jake saying it to Ax,” I said. “Like a nickname.”
“How about Temrash?”
“No.”
“Aftran?” Jake asked. “Terra?”
“No.”
“She could be lying.”
“Why, though?”
“Uh, to fuck with us?”
“No, I mean—if you’re the Ellimist, or Crayak, why send a Cassie just to lie? Easier to just program one to believe what it’s saying.”
“Why send a Cassie at all? Why not just program us?”
“Something about the rules, maybe? Helium—you want to weigh in, here?”
The alien’s stalk eyes fixed on me, and I straightened. Ax—Helium—was not just looking at me, or through me, like I wasn’t there, or like I was just some sort of puzzle. His gaze was weighing, searching, focused. For a moment, he looked almost more like Elfangor than like himself.
‹Rachel suffered from some unknown progressive seizure disorder,› he said, the words careful and deliberate. ‹Most likely connected to the morphing power, in ways we do not understand. She experienced convulsions, and hallucinations, ending in an episode resembling a stroke. She is recovering, but slowly. Some hours are more lucid than others.›
One of his stalks swiveled to look at Jake. ‹Prince Jake, you morphed into this person yourself. You yourself confirmed that she is indeed the true Cassie, as near as you can tell. Which makes her a warrior under your command—a warrior to whom you have responsibility. Not to mention the more personal bond between you.›
“I’m not going to let that be a lever on my s—”
‹Then your pretense of coldness is purely strategic, and nothing else? It is not, say, an attempt to hide from feelings of hope, or fear of further pain? For if manipulation is your primary concern, I remind you that you are no less pawn than she.›
Jake stiffened, a dark look flashing across his face. “What are you—”
‹You are our war prince, Prince Jake. And your wisdom has proven true—rarely do we find it appropriate to criticize. But an event has taken place which should shock you. Should shake you to your core, even now. Your composure, in the face of it—it is somewhat suspicious.›
“Suspicious?”
‹Not in that sense. But we do not trust it, all the same.›
“Has it occurred to you that the whole point of bringing her here might be to mess with my head? Get under my skin?”
The Andalite’s stalks drooped. ‹Prince Jake, you speak as if you still intend to maintain control. As if you believe control is a thing that is possible. You know how the Ellimist works. You know you cannot outmaneuver it. Any attempt to predict the intended outcome, and deliberately subvert it, will fail. You should be riding this wave, not trying to swim through it.›
He gestured toward the viewscreen. ‹If this is not sufficient to shatter the illusion of independent self-determination—›
“How many people have died down there since she showed up?” Jake demanded, his voice starting to burn around the edges. “How many people who would be alive, if we’d just sealed the deal half an hour ago?”
‹An invalid question,› Ax countered. ‹There are many things which seem possible which never were, in fact. You act as if we were on a path, and Cassie’s appearance has dragged us off of it—temporarily, pending a deliberate return. But consider. Rachel was forewarned of Marco’s reaction—may well have been placed here specifically to guard against it. The path you imagined us to be on is not real. We were never on it. We were on this path—always, from the beginning—and simply did not know it until now. To pretend otherwise is sheer folly—›
“I’m not pretending anything!”
‹As you say, Prince Jake. But it seems to us that you are punishing Cassie for failing to conform to a story you told yourself, when you knew less than you know now. We are—not impressed with this.›
There was a long, tense silence, in which I could feel my heart rate creeping upward again.
“We don’t know that—”
Jake’s words were tight, clipped, and his jaw snapped shut with a click as he cut himself off. He turned—turned away from us, from me and Ax and Marco—turned and faced the viewscreens at the front of the bridge, his shoulders rising and falling.
We don’t know that—
I’m not Jake. I don’t have whatever magic power lets him get inside everyone else’s heads. But for once, I was pretty sure I knew exactly what he had been about to say.
We don’t know that that’s even really her.
That’s what he’d wanted to say.
Had tried to say, but he hadn’t been able to get the words out.
Ax said nothing. Marco said nothing.
I said nothing.
We don’t know that that’s even really her.
Yeah, but you did the morph check yourself. And there’s no reason for them to put that much effort into a fake—if they’re just trying to manipulate you there have to be easier ways, right? And in that case, it’s not the clone’s fault.
Something like that. Something like that was going through Jake’s head. I knew it, because that’s what was going through my head, it was the same question, just flipped around, backwards letters read through a glass door—why is she here? Why is this happening?
And, hardest of all: What am I supposed to do now?
Easier, it would be easier to just reject it, to hang on to something simpler, something easier to digest, something that didn’t mean having-to-change. I remembered that feeling from my time in the woods, after my parents were taken—understood just how much tension Jake was under in this moment, stretched taut between a million pounds of force.
But none of us could make that leap for him. I remembered that from my time in the woods, too. Ax had already said everything that could be said, and so we all just stood there, stood there in silence as Jake’s shoulders rose and fell and rose and fell—
Marco stepped forward. Softly, his footsteps just loud enough so that it wouldn’t be a surprise. He stepped forward, and he lifted a hand, and it hovered for just a moment, hesitating an inch above Jake’s shoulders, and that’s when I realized that Jake was crying—that he was crying, his sobs choked to silence, and that he had turned away so that the rest of us wouldn’t see.
I felt tears in my own eyes, then—felt them bead and run silently down my cheeks, because I realized in that moment that there were two sides to my question, the question what happened to you, Jake?
There was the side that meant something like what have you become, how could you be like this.
And then there was the other side, the more difficult side, the side I had been flinching away from without even realizing it, because judgment was easier, scorn was easier, it was easier to be righteous than to really let it sink in—
—that we won’t know what all the fuss was about in the first place, because every choice we made was good, every choice we made was justified—
—the side that looked at what I was seeing and asked really, though, what would it have taken, for Jake to end up here? The side that wasn’t ready to blame it on some—some lack of fundamental goodness, and instead was taking seriously the possibility that things had actually just gotten that bad. The side that understood that Jake—
—and Marco, and Rachel, and Ax, and Garrett—
—and Tobias, nobody’s said anything about Tobias—
—that they had seen enough, done enough, lived through enough, that this is where it had left them. Four months of nightmares leading to the bridge of an enemy starship, shaking hands with Visser Three over the genocide of an entire species—four months of nightmares leaving them willing to do almost anything, if it would just put an end to the madness and pain.
And just like that, I had a new guess for the other big question. I’d been looking at it from the wrong angle, asking myself what I was doing there—why I in particular had somehow been brought back to life—what it could possibly be meant to accomplish.
That was backwards.
The intervention wasn’t me being brought back.
It was me being taken out in the first place.
I hadn’t been resurrected. I had been shielded. Protected, preserved, kept out of harm’s way so that now—
Now, I could remind them of what they’d all forgotten. What they’d had to forget, because otherwise they wouldn’t have made it through.
Wow, narcissism much?
But that voice was just a reflex. There had to be some reason, after all, and that was pretty high on the list of things-that-made-me-special, compared to the rest of them.
And then a second, scarier thought:
What would have happened if I hadn’t been taken out of the picture?
What if I’d made it out of the Yeerk pool alive?
There was a story that I wanted to believe, about being the voice of reason, the conscientious objector, the little Jiminy Cricket whispering in everyone’s ear and keeping us all from ending up here in the first place. That’s what I was in my own head, for myself.
But standing there, thinking about the choices that Jake and the others had made—and taking them seriously, instead of just assuming there had obviously been a better way—I was suddenly unable to deny a whole other possibility.
Maybe I wouldn’t have made it.
Maybe I would have taken them down with me.
It suddenly seemed plausible that the things they had done—the things they’d become, in those four long months—that maybe they wouldn’t have been compatible with a conscience. That maybe my contribution would have been doubt and hesitation and hand-wringing, instead of clarity and integrity and virtue.
That, or you would have just abandoned your pretty little scruples right along with the rest of them. Or are you going to pretend that you saved that little boy entirely for his own sake, and not because you were trying to send yourself a message?
I flinched. That one hadn’t just been a reflex.
But at least I did send myself that message, I protested. I hadn’t given up.
Are you saying Jake has?
I looked over to where the two boys were talking, muttering, Marco’s arm around Jake’s shoulder as his body shook with giant, silent sobs. I looked at Ax, standing sentry in the center of the bridge, and at Rachel, whose eyes were dark and glittering.
No.
I didn’t know what they had or hadn’t given up on.
I hadn’t been there to see.
But—
I was here. Now.
And given what had been about to happen—what had only barely been averted, by almost literal divine intervention—there was still room for me to help.
I opened my mouth, and Marco—
—is he psychic, or did he just catch the motion out of the corner of his eye?—
—Marco looked over, shook his head tightly, held up a finger.
‹Wait,› he whispered in my head. ‹Please.›
There was a moment of silence, and then, almost reluctant—
‹Cassie.›
I hung on, expectant, and then realized that that wasn’t the start of another thread—he hadn’t been saying Cassie… but rather …Cassie.
Wait. Please. Cassie.
I tried to remember the words Marco had said to me, in the barn on the morning after the Chapmans had died—the morning before my parents were taken. The memory was hazy, washed out by everything else that had happened. But it had been something like you’d hate it, but you’d do it, because you see that it’s the right move, right?
I remembered thinking that he didn’t understand me at all. That he’d seen my—what, my mask?—and thought it was the real me, had mistaken the girl I was trying to be for the girl I really was, on the inside.
But he’d also felt kinship with that girl. Had trusted her, more than he trusted most people. Had come to her with a hard ask, because he’d been able to count on the fact that if she saw what the right thing to do was, she would do it.
I couldn’t live up to that. But I wanted to.
Marco had just tried to kill me, because he thought it was the right thing to do.
Somehow—
Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to take that personally.
I’d thought I’d used up my last chance, lying there on the ground outside the Yeerk pool, waiting for the meteor to hit. I’d been grateful, in those final moments, that at least I’d been able to end things on a good note. That I’d been able to go into the darkness feeling clean.
I still felt clean.
Maybe I could keep that up for a little while longer.
Suddenly, Marco’s voice rose, jumping up from an unintelligible murmur to something clear and meant-to-be-overheard.
“—okay, buddy. Listen, I feel pretty silly doing this, and you’re gonna feel pretty silly playing along, but—just trust me, okay? Or if you don’t trust me, do it as a favor.”
He glanced at me, as if looking for—for—for agreement, or permission, I don’t know what he was looking for but he must have found it because he gave me a nod like we were agreeing to something and then turned back to Jake.
“Remember how we never found out what happened to Cassie, after the meteor?” he said. “Well, she made it, somehow. She made it, and we found her, and she’s here.”
And with that, Marco turned Jake around, put his hands on his shoulders and turned him back to face me.
Jake’s eyes were red and puffy, his face streaked with snot and tears. He was looking down, away from me, his jaw still trembling. He swallowed—heaved a single, huge breath—raised his head with what looked like a deliberate, defiant effort—
“Hi, Cassie,” he said, his voice cracking. “I missed you.”
Chapter 69: Chapter 46: Cassie (Part II)
Notes:
Author's Note: Next update (Tobias) should be on or around Feb 21. Please please pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top: if you can muster up a comment, or a review, know that I treasure every single word of feedback, whether here or over at r/rational. It really does make a difference, especially now that we're in the home stretch. And as always, thank you for reading!
Chapter Text
Three minutes.
That’s how long we took to ourselves, to hug and hold and catch up. Then Jake broke away, pulled back, and we all turned back to business.
A part of me wondered—when he broke off so suddenly—if it was because one of the others had whispered something to him in private thought-speak. Marco, or Ax. And then another part of me helpfully pointed out that three minutes was just long enough for someone to demorph and remorph, refreshing their time limit.
Efficient. Convenient.
It’s not that I minded, exactly. Or—well—it’s not that I cared very much what the part of me that minded very much thought. One of the things I didn’t know, but managed to pick up in the next few minutes of conversation, was that fifty million people were being murdered every hour. At almost a million people per minute, I wouldn’t have asked for more time.
But at the same time, I wasn’t actually sure that taking more time wasn’t worth it. There were over two billion Howlers, the vast majority of which were nowhere near Earth—another fact that had been magically slipped into my brain—and whatever-it-was that was broken, inside Jake—whatever-it-was that had almost driven him over the edge, and hadn’t stopped pushing him toward it—it wasn’t anywhere close to being healed.
And that—
—I was scared that was going to matter.
Not in some vague, nebulous sense, but in the very next hour. I was scared it was going to make everything slip sideways, right before my eyes, and that I wouldn’t be able to stop it a second time. That I might not even see it in time.
It wasn’t like I’d made a ton of progress in those three minutes. I was scared of Jake—and he could tell—and we could both tell that he was still wary of me, still not fully convinced that it all wasn’t just a trick, or a trap.
Which I guess it was, really.
But still. It—it had been Jake, in those three minutes. I had been able to see him, feel him—could tell that he was in there, somewhere, that he hadn’t been fully burned away. I could—I don’t know—I could feel the boy I knew reaching out, reaching up, trying to claw his way back out of whatever hole he’d been buried in.
And then he backed off, and he closed up, and—well, they let me join the circle, it’s not like they were still holding a gun on me, but—
They let me join the circle.
Their circle.
Jake, and Marco, and Ax-who-was-now-called-Helium-I-guess, and the-other-Marco-who-they-were-calling-Magellan. I was sitting in, like a guest. Me, and Rachel—and Garrett, who came back in from the hallway, where I glimpsed a pile of Hork-Bajir bodies, and who refused to look anybody in the eye.
Me, and Rachel, and Garrett.
The broken ones.
“We’re still not seeing any movement from the Howler fleet?”
‹No, Prince Jake. Not yet.›
“What about the mutiny?”
‹It is still contained within the pool ships, for the moment. The remainder of the fleet continues to respond to our verbal commands.›
“Can you maintain control from outside the system? Across the Z-space bridge?”
‹We could hold some number of ships at a dead stop just inside the bubble. We could not do anything more complicated than launch them in some specific direction, at that point.›
Jake’s face settled into the shape it makes when he’s trying to think his way inside someone else’s head. After a moment, he turned to look at Marco, who nodded grimly.
“Unless we think staying in harm’s way ourselves somehow makes up for the fact that we’re giving up on Terra,” he said cryptically.
“Helium. Take us out through the rift. Leave three Bug fighters behind at the entrance. Set one up to kamikaze the planet if it has to.”
‹Roger.›
“Terra?” I whispered—to Magellan, who was standing guard over the unconscious body of Visser Three’s host. I hadn’t asked what had happened to the little boy from inside the Yeerk pool. It had felt like—like spending points I was going to need elsewhere.
“It’s a coales—fuck, you don’t know about coalescions. Or—do you? What goes on in a Yeerk pool, I mean?”
“I know the Yeerks have to go in every three days, to feed—”
“Not anymore, actually, ever since—you know what, fuck it, there’s no time. Short version. Pools are people. Every pool is like—like a country, I guess, it has a personality, the same way, I dunno, Germany has a different attitude than France. The individual Yeerks aren’t actually individuals, they’re little chunks of personality that get cooked up and sent out on individual missions, and then they come back and rejoin the hive-mind, which is like all of them added up into one person.”
“Terra is—”
“A pool, yeah. It’s a friendly pool—native. All the hosts are voluntary. Or so they say, anyway.”
I felt my heartbeat quicken.
“Tobias is one of them. A Collaborator, Terra host. Also I guess you’re probably gonna get a nature boner over the fact that a bunch of the hosts are animals. Like, jaguars, spider monkeys, river dolphins.”
“Yeerks can—”
“Yeah. That’s—uh—that’s how morphing works—”
“I remember. I was there for that.”
“Ah. Right.” He shot me a sidelong glance. “I’m a Controller, too,” he said quietly. “Or Collaborator, I guess. So’s Helium.”
My eyes widened. “Are all of—”
“No. Just me and Tobias and Helium. Or—well—it’s complicated—there are actually four of me, that each have one-quarter of Visser One, but the quarters are, like, telepathically linked up, so she can see everything any of the four of us see—”
“She?”
“—and also one of us got infested by Visser Three, too, or like—like a copy of Visser Three? …so I can kind-of-sort-of talk to him, through her.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“And Terra is,” I stammered, unwinding back to a place where I knew where the ground was. “Terra is in—Brazil?”
“Brazil, yeah. We were thinking about trying to extract it, but there’s no time and Garrett says the Howlers will shoot us down.”
I looked toward the viewscreen. There was no longer a live view of the Earth, but there was a wireframe schematic showing the continents and the boundary between day and night. It was currently cutting right through the center of Brazil—
“Yeah. Tick tock. Sun’s already setting where Cousteau is right now. Maybe an hour left before it’s nighttime over Terra.”
“Cousteau is—”
“One of me. Cousteau’s down in Brazil, Vasco’s the one Visser Three took prisoner—we don’t know where he’s being kept, someplace dark and quiet—and we sent Livingstone out of the system in a ship, in case all this goes sideways. Cousteau was with Terra, but after V3 snagged Vasco, we had him book out. He stayed close enough so that he could keep in touch with some of Terra’s hosts, but—”
I felt the beginnings of overload, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to sort out all the threads. If only there was more time—
Pshhhh, if there was more time, you’d be able to think everything through, and we can’t have that, now, can we?
I opened my eyes. There was something there that tickled at the edge of my thoughts—
In front of me, Jake turned, and I lost the thread.
He looked at the unconscious man. Looked at Magellan. Looked at me. Spared a brief, expressionless glance for Rachel and Garrett.
“You know we have to wake him up, right?” he said.
I didn’t know that. But I nodded anyway. Magellan had explained the basic standoff to me—Visser Three, capable of killing all the Howlers or destroying the Earth, and us, capable of destroying or delivering the morphing cube.
It was—dizzying, sort of, realizing that I had the power to destroy the cube. Myself. Unilaterally. To destroy it, and thereby scuttle the whole negotiation. It was like the feeling of being near the edge of a roof, knowing that there was nothing to stop me from throwing myself off at any time—
“Helium.”
‹Roger.›
There was a low hum, and the man on the deck opened his eyes.
“You must understand it now,” he said, as if we’d already been in the middle of a conversation. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, his eyes sharp and urgent.
No. Not his eyes. His hostage’s eyes. The eyes of the man he’s enslaving.
They swept around the room, lingering on Jake for a moment before settling on me.
“Tell me you understand,” he repeated.
It was clear he wasn’t talking to me.
“Can you extract Terra?” Jake asked. “Before the Howlers reach it?”
“Wrong question,” the man said, his eyes still holding me, weighing me. “Also, no, to be clear. But it’s important to me that you understand that you are asking the wrong question.”
“Just ‘no’? No negotiation, no long shots—nothing?”
The man sighed. “I don’t have the site under direct observation,” he said. “I only learned of its existence yesterday, thanks to some actually respectable opsec, and I hadn’t gotten around to a serious infiltration attempt. The ships I had slated to do some surreptitious flybys are—shall we say—otherwise occupied, at the moment. And I only have fourteen craft on hand anyway—hardly enough for an extraction. And now that I’ve spelled it all out for you, I’m going to return to the fact that you are asking the wrong questions.”
“What do you—”
“Jake. If I had destroyed all of the Howlers in the past hour, while you kept this body unconscious, how would you have responded?”
I tore my eyes away from the man’s just in time to see Jake’s narrow with suspicion. “Helium,” he said.
‹The situation on Earth is unchanged, Prince Jake.›
“You are familiar with the concept of a hypothetical—”
“I would have blown up the cube,” Jake interrupted, his voice whisper-soft.
“Why? At that point, it would be your only remaining leverage, no?”
“Because—because—”
It was clear, somehow—crystal clear—that Jake was struggling to find the words for something he was already thinking, not that he was struggling to think of something in the first place.
“Because there’s no other way to guarantee that I won’t just do it, right?” the man pressed. “Because you have to follow through on your threats, or they cease to be threatening.”
“Something like that. May I go to the bathroom, now?”
“I’m leading you because it feels like I have to. I’d much prefer to just state things bluntly, but that kind of only works if the other side wants to hear it.”
“Try us.”
“Fine. Destroy the cube.”
“What?”
“Destroy it. Now. You’re welcome to. It won’t make me any less cooperative with you than I otherwise would have been.”
“What? I—”
“In fact—never mind. I’ll do it myself”
“Visser—”
“There. It’s done.”
Suddenly, in the corner, Rachel’s body went rigid and began to twitch.
“What did you do?”
The man didn’t answer—just watched, his expression rapturous, as Marco and Magellan rushed to Rachel’s side, as Helium’s tail blade whipped around and pressed up against his neck, as Garrett rolled out of the way and into the opposite corner, his hands covering his ears.
Do someth—
Like WHAT?
Jake straightened, every muscle taut and vibrating, his left hand curled into a fist, his right holding a Dracon beam in a white-knuckled grip.
“What,” he bit out, the word carved from raw metal. “Did. You. Do.”
“Jake,” I began.
“Not now, Cassie. You. What did you DO?”
I felt the anger, then—a hot spike of anger that pierced through the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty—not now, little girl—
But at the same time he was right, it wasn’t like I actually had anything to say that was worth his attention—just a rising sense of doom, a frantic need to hit the brakes, the image of a hammer descending toward a piece of already-cracked pottery—
Jake, he’s manipulating you—
“I destroyed the cube,” the man said. “To save time.”
“What did you do to Rachel?”
“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all.”
A horrible sound emerged from Jake’s throat, as if something were clawing its way out, and for a moment I genuinely thought he was going to fire, readied myself to jump if he tried to kill the innocent man caught at the end of the Visser’s puppet strings—
But the gun held level.
“Helium. Demorph.”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
There was no sign, no visible change. Jake didn’t move. Helium didn’t move. The Visser didn’t move. In the corner, Rachel’s body had stopped twitching and lay still as the Marcos tried to rouse her.
Seconds passed. I tried to produce words—any words—anything at all—but I was completely, profoundly, utterly out of my depth. I didn’t know what to do for Rachel, I didn’t know what to do for Jake, I had absolutely nothing to add to anything that was happening.
It wasn’t that I was frozen—I knew what frozen felt like.
I just had nothing.
‹Prince Jake.›
Jake’s head didn’t turn, and after a moment the Andalite changed position, took a shuffling step forward and moved its hand into his line of sight.
The box was still emerging, melting out of the alien’s fur as the morph progressed. But it was already obvious that it had been destroyed—was melted, twisted, rivulets of molten silver shining through what had once been a bright and uniform blue.
I felt a strange doubling of shock, then, an almost nauseating sense of unreality.
That—
That should have been—
I thought that was impossible.
The cube had been inside Helium’s morph—had been in stasis—locked away in a pocket dimension, the same dimension where my body had waited for five full minutes on a single lungful of air. I’d run those experiments myself.
“How.”
‹The—the pattern is consistent with standard self-destruction—›
Helium is shook, too.
“Not you.”
“I’ve had the capacity to destroy the damn thing for months,” the Visser’s mouthpiece said. “Ever since our encounter in Wyoming.”
Wyoming…?
Jake was still frozen, unmoving, his muscles tight as a high-tension wire.
“Why.”
“Because it’s time for us to drop the pretense. Because you need to understand that you are not in control.”
“Marco.”
“She’s not responding, we can’t get her to wake up—”
“Breathing?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Helium. The Howlers.”
‹They are not—›
“No, I haven’t triggered the virus. Yet.”
Jake’s nostrils flared. His shoulders rose, then fell—once, twice, three times. His eyes flickered toward me for the briefest of instants, then back to the Visser, who was still unmoving, sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, a drop of blood beading where Helium’s tail blade pressed up against his throat.
“What,” Jake said. Just the one word, spoken as if it were a complete sentence.
“To get out of all this!” the man shouted. The drop of blood swelled and rolled downward as the muscles in his neck flexed. “To stop living with a blade at my throat! To bring that blade down, if it will not withdraw—if there is no other way out from under it. I will not tolerate this any longer, and neither should you.”
What’s the matter, somebody doesn’t like being threatened and manipulated—
I shut down the useless, self-indulgent thought.
I could see in Jake’s face that the Visser had guessed right—had in fact answered the question Jake had been asking. And it clicked, somehow—shook something loose—the gears in Jake’s mind visibly unsticking and turning again.
“Marco.”
There was power in the word—command—and I turned to see Marco rising to his feet, his face anguished—anguished, but he did rise, turned and left the unconscious Rachel in Magellan’s care without objection.
Because there’s nothing he can do. Because there’s nothing he can do, and pretending that there is is a luxury we can’t afford. Whether it’s the Visser or not, we can’t know and we can’t do anything about it, so it doesn’t matter when it comes to figuring out what to do next—
Oddly enough, the thoughts weren’t in Jake’s voice or Marco’s. It was my shoulder copy of Rachel herself.
“Talk.”
Jake, the words still coming out of him one at a time, as if each one weighed a thousand pounds.
“I didn’t do anything to Rachel,” the Visser said, his voice back down to an ordinary volume. “Why would I? What good would that do me?”
“What good does destroying the morphing cube do you?”
The man shrugged—carefully, keeping his neck still. “Now you don’t have anything I want.”
There was a long silence as everyone digested this.
Or rather, as Jake and Marco digested it. I had no idea what it meant.
We don’t have anything he wants, which is good because it means we can’t hurt him?
We don’t have anything he wants, meaning that—that he’s not just here for his own ends?
But that was ridiculous. He was obviously—openly—here for his own ends. It’s just that Jake and Marco had thought those ends included the cube, and now we knew—
We knew—
My inner Rachel shrugged. Now we know that they don’t.
I realized that everyone was still silent, that no one had spoken for maybe thirty or forty seconds—
Oh.
Private thought-speak.
Private thought-speak that I wasn’t invited to any more than the Visser was, because three minutes of reunion aside, I still wasn’t one of them.
“To be clear,” the Visser said, “I wasn’t lying. The cube was special, to the best of my ability to determine. It would have been highly useful in my investigations into the hypercomputer. But it’s clear now that that whole line of opportunity was just part of the game—just another layer of control.”
“And this isn’t?” Marco snarled.
“It is,” the man replied evenly. “But it’s the main quest, not a side quest.”
“Says who?”
“Says her.”
All four sets of eyes—
—only four, because Helium’s main eyes stayed glued to the console, had never left the console even for an instant—
—all four sets of eyes turned toward me.
“There is another way,” the Visser declared. “Another path out of this crisis, besides the quantum virus. There has to be, or she wouldn’t be here.”
“What path?” Jake demanded.
“I don’t know, ask her.”
I swallowed.
“I,” I said.
What’s the matter, girl, cat got your tongue?
“I.”
You weren’t so shy a few minutes ago.
“I don’t know what to do,” I stammered. “I don’t—I don’t even know what’s happening.”
What was happening to Rachel, what was happening to Jake—what had happened to me—what was happening to all of us, to the world, the whole universe—
“No,” said the Visser. “But you know what we can’t do, right? You know some things that—that aren’t allowed? Things you’ll talk dear Jake here out of—things that maybe only you would be able to talk him out of?”
I could sense the thrust of the question, the basic strategy the Visser seemed to be following.
“I—I don’t think it works like that—”
“Did they put things in your head, Cassie?”
“What?”
The man turned to Marco. “They put things in your head,” he said.
Marco didn’t reply. Just frowned, his eyebrows furrowing.
“And yours,” the man continued, turning back to Jake. “Everything you thought you saw, in the Yeerk pool—the frozen time, the creature with the sparkling eyes—it was all an illusion. All fake. Time can’t be stopped. But the computer that’s emulating your thoughts can be overclocked, to let you live a subjective hour in the blink of an eye, and the process that etches new memories into your brains as you demorph doesn’t know the difference.”
It took me a full ten seconds to process what he’d said, but I got there a good three seconds before Jake and Marco.
After all, for me, it had only been a few minutes ago.
“I was in morph,” I breathed. “When I—when the creature agreed, and—I guess it must have poofed you all away? But it dropped me back outside. Not in the pool, back out where we were standing when everything first froze. And—and we—”
“We couldn’t morph,” Jake said, sounding almost reluctant.
“A clue,” the Visser hissed. “A clue you were meant to decipher—or I was meant to decipher—they could just as easily have simulated you morphing inside the dream. They chose not to.”
“What about—what about my mother?” Marco countered. “What happened to her—the time travel—”
“Deception,” the Visser said, with a dismissive wave. “Illusion.”
“Just because they messed with us for half an hour doesn’t mean—she’s been a Controller for four years—”
“She thinks she’s been a Controller for four years. Easier to edit a memory than a timeline.”
“What makes you—”
“There was another instance,” the man interrupted. “More—blatant. One I suspect you know nothing about. I was able to take you in Wyoming because I was forewarned. The boy betrayed you—David, the one you took under your wing. He was afraid you were condemning him to die—wanted to bargain for protection—reached out to me in Vietnam. And when I dug through your memories, afterward, I found a discrepancy. You morph-checked him, Marco, using Alloran’s backdoor—looked inside his mind. You could not possibly have missed his dysfunction. He was a textbook psychopath. Abused, damaged. Utterly without loyalty or principle. Yet you demorphed believing him to be the perfect recruit—went so far as to describe him as a miniature version of your fearless leader.”
There was a tight, wild silence—
“How do you know that your memories aren’t being tampered with?”
“I don’t. Would you find it reassuring, if they were?”
“You could be lying,” Jake pointed out. “Easier to lie than to edit a memory.”
“I have ways of demonstrating my honesty. But the larger point stands—we are being interfered with. All of us. The cube, the bridge, your little field trip. I see no reason why your mother should be assumed immune. And the interventions are growing less and less subtle—now, at this critical moment, they’ve brought dear Cassie Withers back from the dead in spectacularly dramatic fashion. Why?”
The four sets of eyes turned toward me again.
“What do you know, Cassie?” the man asked.
“I—”
I could feel the pressure shifting onto me, the same pressure that had been slowly crushing Jake into diamond.
“—I don’t know!”
“But you know something. Follow your heart!”
A twisted smile, devoid of humor.
“I—”
I know you’re not a good person, I thought. And neither am I.
But Jake is.
It was inane. Inane and childish and utterly out of scale with everything else that was happening, the Howlers were butchering ten thousand people every second, I could feel my second-guesser second-guessing, it was all too fast for words but if there had been words they would have been something like see? This is why it’s Jake and Marco’s circle, and you’re just here as—as some kind of mascot, a charity case, it should be Rachel sitting here instead of you—
But at the same time, I did know it.
Like, to my core. In my bones. It was one of the only things I was sure of, as the world collapsed into chaos around me. It was the reason Jake was so—so—
So the-way-he-was right now.
The way Marco wasn’t. The way Helium wasn’t. The way Rachel wouldn’t have been, in his shoes.
“I know he never—”
I broke off, turned toward Jake, started over. “I know you never would have been able to live with yourself.”
I still winced. Even knowing that I might have been resurrected literally just to say that exact sentence, I cringed, and waited for the laughter that my inner critic was absolutely certain was about to fill the bridge.
But it didn’t. There was no sarcasm, no cold mockery. Jake just blinked, and then blinked again, and then a third time, and that’s when I realized he was blinking back tears, his face was flat and calm, it wasn’t like he was going to cry again, but he was blinking back tears just the same.
“You’re acting like living was part of the plan,” he said softly, and my heart cracked right in two.
Oh, Jake—
And that’s when I saw it, or—or part of it, at least, that’s when I finally got my fingers on something that I was one hundred percent sure was a piece of the puzzle.
“You can’t do it like that,” I said, my voice firming up. “You can’t—you can’t prepay some horrible price, and then just—let yourself do whatever, because—you can’t decide that you’re not going to live with it, and then use that as an excuse to—to do things you know you can’t bear, because it won’t matter because instead of paying for it you’ll just be dead—”
Jake did laugh, then, but it was a hollow sound, like a laugh that had died somehow, empty and brittle like an exuviae.
“Can’t?” he said.
“Shouldn’t.”
There was a moment of silence.
“I’m sorry,” Marco cut in. “I’m sorry, but no. No, Cassie. That’s just—that’s just completely insane, you can’t make calls like that based on—on some kind of Saturday morning cartoon moral bullshit. They are killing fifty million people an hour.”
“There are two billion of them out there in the rest of the galaxy,” I shot back. “Ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent of them aren’t even here.”
“Setting aside the question of whether or not that’s even true—”
“It is,” the Visser cut in.
“Says you. Even so! Garrett told us the rest of them are out there raping and pillaging, too! That’s all they do.”
“Because they don’t know any better.”
“Bullshit,” Marco spat. “This isn’t Steven fucking Universe. Do you even know what I just—what I’ve—what I had to wade through to—”
He cut himself off, his jaw quivering. “This is an entire species that’s been specifically designed to torture everything that moves,” he snarled. “Not just kill. Torture.”
“That’s not their fault. You don’t blame cats for playing with mice.”
“No, but I blame you if the mouse is fifty million humans and you have what it takes to stop the cat and you don’t! How many other worlds are being put through the meat grinder right this second?”
“That—”
That doesn’t matter, a part of me had tried to say, but it had been unable to force the words past my lips, because it did matter, of course it mattered, it just wasn’t the key. Wasn’t the crux of the issue, couldn’t be the crux of the issue, not when you took all the relevant info into account—
They brought you back from the dead. That has to mean something.
“It’s not—you’re not wrong,” I began, trying to find my feet, wishing I could somehow ask Jake to help. “It’s just—to jump straight to the absolute final solution, when you—when we haven’t even tried—”
“Not to pull the rug out from under you,” said the Visser, “but I have, in fact, tried the obvious thing. I’ve got a morphed Howler body in a holochamber at this very moment, and I’ve been feeding the memory bank with all sorts of experiences that ought to engender empathy and kindness and feelings of fondness and mutual obligation. As well as other, more longshot strategies, such as novel randomness and sensory superstimuli. It does not seem to have had any effect.”
I couldn’t help it. I shivered.
He had designed an anti-psychopath holodeck program—had deliberately assembled a bunch of stuff that he thought would prove to the Howlers that they should care about other creatures’ experiences—had done it cold-bloodedly and strategically—manipulatively—casually—and the act of doing so hadn’t made the slightest dent in his own lack of empathy—
“And as Marco points out,” the man continued, “it’s not as if these particular Howlers are an unrepresentative sample. In case you were—I don’t know—about to try to make an analogy to not punishing the entire human species for the rape of Nanking.”
Whose side are you on here? a part of me snarled, but of course he wasn’t on anyone’s side, he was just along for the ride, poking and prodding us—
Like the creature in the pool.
“I’m not saying it can’t be the right answer,” I said, a note of pleading creeping into my tone. “I’m just saying it can’t be the right answer yet.”
Weak.
It was weak. I could feel that it was weak—could hear how it sounded in my own ears, see the scathing disdain building up behind Marco’s eyes, Jake’s wavering uncertainty—knew that I still hadn’t found the right words, I knew that the thing that lived inside my own head wasn’t actually stupid, even by Marco standards, but I couldn’t figure out what it was, let alone how to say it out loud—
‹The Chee.›
I jerked at the sudden, intrusive thought—mistook it for my own thought for a moment, until Jake and Marco turned toward Helium, and I saw that one of the alien’s stalk eyes was fixed on me.
‹What of the strategy of the Chee?› he asked. ‹They hide. They run. They do not interfere.›
“They—they can’t interfere—right? It’s in their programming?”
‹Still. We have ships. Ships, and supplies—allies, technology. We could run. Leave this system and start anew, far away from here—as the Chee did long ago, fleeing from this exact threat.›
I opened my mouth—
Is this a test?
Was he testing me?
“I—no—”
I paused, almost hoping that one of them would interrupt. But they all just kept staring.
I sucked in a breath.
“No,” I said. “Not that.”
‹Then we have bounds on acceptable action,› the alien replied, swiveling his stalk eye back toward Jake and the Visser. ‹If we are to play the game of listen-to-Cassie, that is. It must be something shy of total xenocide, yet not so far shy as passive disengagement.›
It’s not a game, I wanted to say.
But it was.
It was.
A game of giants, of gods—a game with whole worlds as expendable sacrifices, and for the first time that fact landed for me.
I don’t know why. I don’t know why it was that moment, and not an earlier one. But suddenly I could feel the outrage that the Visser had been expressing before—when he hinted that he’d rather just die than keep on dancing at the end of someone else’s strings.
Rather just die—
You’re acting like living was part of the plan—
Save Erek. I’m going after the kid.
My thoughts were jumbled, thoughts and memories lurching as new connections formed, stars resolving into constellations, a vase becoming two faces—
Fifty million people an hour.
And—and Magellan had said something about Visser Three bombing half of the cities on the planet—and there was the way the Yeerks had been maneuvered into war, their entire species used as—as a tool, as a prop—
A little boy, screaming as he dangled from the twisted bars of a broken cage, his grip weakening, and all because someone had chosen for it to happen that way—
This cannot stand.
“Why did you play along?” I demanded suddenly, rounding on the Visser. “You—if you never even wanted the cube in the first place—”
“I told you, I did want it. But even after I became aware of the manipulations taking place—”
He shrugged. “It was an object in your possession,” he said. “Your team. And it has long since been clear that you are the fulcrum upon which this game pivots.”
“But isn’t that—aren’t you trying to—”
I gestured vaguely.
The Visser cocked his head—
Forced his slave’s head to cock.
—studied me for a moment, before answering.
“I have lived every waking moment of my life under threat of death,” he said, his voice suddenly soft and silky.
The line of blood on his neck had dried, was now black and cracking, and still Helium’s tail pressed up against the skin.
“First it was the kandrona. Three days—I had three of your days to solve the puzzle. After that, I would be forced to choose between death by slow and painful starvation, or returning to the embrace of Cirran—to my own parent, who would unmake me in horror and revulsion. I found a third path, but it led through the Andalites—and then there was the intrigue of the Yeerk hierarchy—the maneuverings of Visser One—”
His gaze drifted over to the corner where Magellan was sitting, holding Rachel’s limp hand as he whispered inaudible sentences into her ear.
The Visser shook his head. “Almost, I thought I had escaped. I knew this system was a lure, a trap, but I thought I had sprung it—thought I had outsmarted her, and secured a modicum of self-determination—”
Jake and Helium exchanged a look.
“—only to find myself caught beneath the blade once more.”
He looked back at me, his eyes glittering. “I will wait no longer,” he said. “They will set me free, or they will end me, or they will die. Anything else is intolerable. For a time, the cube seemed the shortest path—the quickest way to bring the situation to its climax—so I pursued it. Now, though…”
He trailed off, shrugged.
“They seem to care, somehow,” he said. “For some reason, they have attached themselves to the drama, become invested in its outcome. They toy with us, like giants dipping fingers in a fishbowl. If we cease to be interesting, they will withdraw, and we will never reach them. Yet if, by playing along, we can snare their fingers—catch them and climb out—or better yet, drag them in and drown them…”
He trailed off again.
I looked at Jake.
“Jake,” I murmured.
Jake turned to look at me, still wary, still guarded, but with a hint of something like vulnerability—what I’d previously thought of as a crack now seeming more like a cracked-open door.
“What are we trying to save?” I asked.
And inside my own head: is this what it’s like to be you?
Because I had known, somehow—felt absolutely sure, in a way that wasn’t even really about knowing, the way a key knew that it fit within a lock—that those words would do it. That even though I hadn’t been able to pin it down myself—didn’t properly know what it was—that those words would lead him to it, get him to dig it out on his own.
I didn’t know why I felt that way. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I was imagining it, or being manipulated—or maybe Jake was being manipulated, and I was just the intermediary.
Probably, actually.
I had been brought back from the dead, after all.
But like Helium had said, there was no way to break out of that. No way to outguess the omniscient. I had to deal with the reality of who I was, and who Jake was, and that—
That was all there was to it.
Jake stirred, as if he’d been woken up from a daydream—drew in a sharp, deep breath, blinked, scrubbed at his eyes with the hand not holding the gun. The gun he was still holding, the gun he’d been holding this whole time.
“Whatever we can,” he said simply. And then again, quieter, his eyes drifting toward the console and the hanging wireframe map of the Earth. “Whatever we can.”
He turned his head back toward the Visser. “And you?” he asked.
The Visser shrugged. “I make no pretense of caring about you,” he said grimly. “You, or your people, or your goals. But it seems the swiftest way forward is through you. I repeat my offer of peace.”
“The Earth,” Jake said flatly. “Safe, and free—from you, and from all of your descendants, to the best of your ability to enforce. The actual best. And freedom to travel, if we survive. No ship in a bottle.”
“Agreed.”
“And your resources at our disposal. Until—until all of this is over.”
“Also agreed. Though—as down payment—I point out what Marco is clearly already thinking, namely that, if I renege, you have no recourse and no leverage.”
“Maybe,” Jake said. “Or maybe, since these gods seem to care so much about what we think, we ask them to pretty please do us one tiny little favor once this is all over.”
The Visser laughed, at that.
Jake lowered the gun, shifted his weight. “Marco,” he said. “Cassie. Helium.”
There was a long silence—just long enough for me to start wondering if they were talking in thought-speak again—and then—
“I don’t trust this,” said Marco. “I don’t trust this, and I don’t get it, and—and I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and neither do any of you, and I don’t see what difference any of this makes. So sure. Fine. Whatever. We literally can’t do shit about anything, so we might as well take yes for an answer. Meanwhile, we still have actual problems to solve. Like, for example, all of them.”
Jake shifted again. “Helium?”
Slowly—smoothly—in a way that somehow conveyed that he’d really rather not—the alien drew back his tail blade, wiping it along his own flank, leaving a tiny smear of red across the blue fur.
‹You are our war-prince, Prince Jake. Until such time as we resign from your command, we are bound by your agreements, and will follow your orders. But we are our own beginning. We do not declare peace with the Visser for ourselves, nor for the Andalites, nor for the Yeerks. It is—important, that this be understood by all.›
Jake shot a glance toward the Visser, who shrugged.
“Cassie.”
“I—”
I swallowed again.
What did I think?
I didn’t know. I honestly had no idea.
Okay, fine. What should you think?
It was a well-worn question, old and familiar. The same one I had asked myself hundreds—maybe thousands of times, the mask of the Cassie they all thought I was, the Cassie I tried so hard to be. The girl who was good, and right, and kind, and upstanding, and incorruptible, the girl who would never cheat on a test, never hurt an animal, never rip out the throat of an innocent slave with her teeth to get at the villain lurking inside his skull—
“I don’t get it, either,” I said. “But—”
But peace doesn’t always make sense.
And whatever the Visser was—everything the Visser had done—
He wasn’t innocent, the way the Howlers were.
But if he had been sent—
If all of this was on purpose—
Then he wasn’t the only one who needed to be stopped.
“—I don’t see anything wrong with it.”
“Excellent,” the Visser said. “Don’t panic.”
“Wha—”
And then the universe shattered.
* * *
It was easy not to panic.
It was easy, because from the very beginning, I knew exactly how long it would last.
Have you ever seen one of those fractals that looks like a snowflake? Where every time you zoom in on one of the edges, you see that it actually has a triangular bump in the middle of it, and the edges of that triangular bump also have triangular bumps, and the whole thing just gets squigglier and squigglier until the outline is infinitely long, even though it all fits on a piece of paper?
I knew how long it would last because it had already ended, by the time it began—had ended, and Garrett had been counting seconds the whole time—
—not on purpose, none of us could have done anything on purpose while it lasted, except for maybe the Visser—
—but as a sheer reflex, a bodily function, a habit so deeply ingrained it was practically a tattoo on his mind—
—and it would last, had lasted, was going to last, for only three minutes and thirty-six seconds. I knew this because I would know it, and I would know it because Garrett did know it. It was all happening at once, had all already happened the instant that it began—Jake’s anger, and the Visser’s contemptuous amusement, and Marco’s tattered suspension of disbelief—all preceded by the foreknowledge of their resolution and our eventual—
—inevitable—
—convergence.
It was all laid out before us, yet still we danced through it, the experience no less real for its predetermined conclusion—like a book you’d read a dozen times before, and could open to any page at all. There was a story to those three minutes and thirty-six seconds, and it remained unchanged even as we flitted back and forth, overlapping ourselves, dipping in and out at a thousand different places. And just like the fractal, it was infinite, endless detail bound within a finite space.
There was the realization of what had happened, of course—that the Visser had known our position precisely from the beginning—
(Through, variously, the detectors he had positioned on the far side of the Z-space bridge; the gravimetric beacons he had installed on each of the capital ships when they were first assigned to him, and which no one knew to monitor or even check for; and the property he had engineered into his thousands of puppet-Yeerks, giving him a precise sense of their relative physical positions at all times.)
—that he had been capable of destroying us at any time, had two entirely independent long-range weapon systems trained upon us, and had sent a Leeran in a tiny craft to hover, undetected—
(Cloaked and shielded, we realized with horror—a horror to which the Visser responded with a tired, resigned patience—by the repurposed fragments of what had once been the body of Erek the Chee.)
—until an advantageous moment.
And there were all of our responses to this, and all of our responses to our responses, a swirl of upvotes and downvotes, agreement and judgment and recrimination and revelation, Marco learning about Jake from what Jake took away from watching me draw conclusions about Marco, around and around and around—
(There were twelve of us in the dance. Twelve, but also sort of only eight, and also somehow just one, an evanescent Boltzmann egregore—words we learned from the Visser, who had absorbed them from his horde of human slaves—an incorporeal us-mind that was a larger version of the Helium cloud, which was at once Aximili and Perdão and dain Elfangor and the host-ghosts of Tom and Tyagi and Jake—or the Marco-Edriss web, which stretched out beyond our sight, a delicate strand of fiber-optic wire—or the Visser web, no less delicate but inconceivably vaster—and I would have thought that the Visser himself would also be composite, would be perceptible as the union of Alloran and Esplin, two distinct individuals, but somehow he was not, was a whole and single being in the same way as Jake or Garrett—)
—but in the end, the water settled, all our protestations and affectations falling away in the wake of understanding, the knee-jerk reflexes and sudden urgency soothed as if by the passage of years.
It was a trespass—but who expected to be safe from trespass, at this point?
It was a threat—no, it could be perceived as a threat, but the perception of threat means little when the mindscape lies open in front of you, all the lines of cause and effect apparent.
The Visser did not intend to kill us. It was a brute fact. It could not be ignored, however convenient ignoring it might have been to the project of allowing us to hold on to our suspicions, our preconceptions, our indignation.
It would have been easier if he had just been our enemy outright.
And that revelation—that it would have been easier—that we would have preferred that, on some level—that each of us had been actively trying to hold on to that story, despite mounting evidence—
That, too, could not be ignored.
Neither could:
The fact that the Visser was in that very moment actively engaged in the subjugation and mind-rape of Han Pritcher—
(The man with the blood on his neck, a former Navy captain and real-life human being, who had sacrificed every possession he owned, every scrap of savings he had, to secure a place for himself and his husband and their three children on one of the ark ships, only to watch, helpless, as all five of them were forcibly infested by the Visser’s probes. They had run out of breathable air on the return trip, and the youngest had suffocated, died alone in his own head, with neither of his fathers to comfort him, and then the surviving Pritchers had been separated, the Visser sending each of them in different directions on different missions, thinking—idly, in passing—thinking this a kindness, figuring that it would be easier for them to make a clean break, and not be constantly surrounded by futile hope, by reminders of what they had lost—and in fact this seemed to have been borne out, seemed to have turned out to be true in a way that Han Pritcher desperately wished it was not—)
—and that none of us were going to do anything about it.
Not even me.
And there was nowhere to hide, no way to deny it, no polite excuses we could make—Han Pritcher was right there with us, a full participant in the sharing, he saw that we saw him, saw that we didn’t have the resources, the leverage, the will—that the stakes were too high, the Visser too powerful, the potential benefit too small—saw that all our wishing-otherwise was not enough to move us to actual action.
Saw me raise my mental whip against myself, as if that would somehow help.
Saw Marco’s bitter laughter at my—my performance, my penance—
Saw Jake’s protectiveness—
(Which meant, as we all understood, that Jake’s wariness had dissipated—that he had finally concluded that I was the real me, or close enough to make no difference, just as he and Marco were real, even after all their deaths and resurrections.)
—and the Visser’s smirking amusement, and Helium’s helpless compassion (tempered by a sort of weighing, pragmatic perspective), and Garrett’s raw vulnerability (and the litany he drew around himself like a suit of armor), it was all on display, that and more, waves crashing together from every direction, an infinity of accessible detail—
—but in the end, nothing was going to change, and all of us knew it, and so the dance proceeded, and in the next step there was another infinity—
(This time unfolding from the discovery that Helium had been stalling a person claiming to be Tobias, who had been in contact via ship-to-ship telepathy for the past several minutes, starting from almost exactly the moment when the Visser had declared that there must be another way out of the crisis, which shattered Marco’s suspension of disbelief into dust and sent Garrett into a dizzying mixture of longing and fury, the latter half of which had a colder counterpart in Jake, who was not in agreement with Helium that this was information it was reasonable to have withheld from one’s war-prince, even briefly—)
And another infinity, and another, and another.
That the Visser had taken the population of the high school—staff and students both—and sequestered all of them on Mars as a breeding population, a fact which he had considered mentioning when Helium proposed leaving the system, but had decided to hold in reserve a little while longer, fearing our reaction to the knowledge that some four hundred of our classmates were three months’ pregnant.
(And that there was a part of Helium that was relieved by this—perhaps even excited—that viewed the entire population of Earth, Terra included, as a lost cause, and firmly expected that we would end our next hour or so of dithering with a decision to take the Visser’s prisoners and run, and had already oriented toward solving the logistical challenges of a rapid evacuation, and was siphoning off every available bit of information about the structure and state of the Mars facility that it could find in the Visser’s mind.)
That Marco had slaughtered an entire stadium full of people a mere hour before returning to the ship, on nothing more than the strength of his own intuition—that it would be a kinder fate than whatever the Howlers had in store for them. That he had intended to tell no one, since he trusted no one else—not even Jake—to react appropriately, and had no patience left for histrionics.
That Garrett—whose not-okayness had been largely overlooked, because everyone had simply pigeonholed him as never-really-okay, and ceased to pay attention—that Garrett had come within inches of killing everyone multiple times in the past day. That he could kill everyone (except maybe Helium) as soon as he chose to, and that there was approximately nothing we could do about that except kill him first.
That there was something deeply wrong with Rachel—something none of us understood, not even the Visser. She was present in the mind-meld, but as an object, not a participant—a vague, waxy shape, shrouded in translucent mental mist, seemingly unmoving and insensible. The Visser had seen unconscious beings in the radius of a Leeran before—unconscious beings, and dying beings, and dead beings—and this was not that.
All of this and more, a rolling tide of revelation and epiphany, more than any of us could handle—
—except the Visser, whose distributed memory was allowing him to store all of it, we would walk away from the mind-meld with mere scraps and he would retain everything—
—the wall that Marco had encountered in the mind of Elfangor, and its odd concurrence with the memories Edriss had brought with her from the other timeline (or whatever it was).
The curious disappearance of the boundary between Esplin and Alloran (and its implications for Helium’s future).
The location of the Visser’s true body (and a sly awareness of how quickly that information would become obsolete).
The details of his attempted subversion of the Chee, going all the way back to the very day he’d taken the high school—a subversion which had not exactly succeeded but had not definitively failed, either (even now, his other bodies down on Earth were going out of their way to rescue every dog they could find, even at the cost of human life).
And smaller things, trivial things—things which would have been embarrassing, had we not all been exposed together. The bear I had killed. A toy Garrett had stolen. Marco’s guilty, furtive fantasy involving both Rachel and Jake. A biology test that Jake had tried to cheat on—tried, and failed, the act of scratching keywords into the wood of his desk searing them into his memory forever.
And then the three minutes and thirty-six seconds ended, and the pod carrying the Leeran passed out of range, as it had been programmed to, and the universe collapsed, falling in on itself from every direction, leaving each of us alone on our own remote, inaccessible island.
No one spoke. No one needed to. The hypersight had faded, but in its wake there was lingering ambience of pure understanding, a transcendent unity of purpose. It wouldn’t last—as we all knew, each as well as the others—but for a moment, we were a single creature—all of us, even the Visser—each possessed of its own function, like organs within a larger body.
Helium gave a burst of commands to the ship’s computer, then stepped away from the console and over to where Garrett was curled up and keening.
Magellan rose from where he had been tending to Rachel, and replaced Helium in the center of the bridge.
Marco replaced Magellan.
Jake began to shrink.
The Visser reached out through another of his bodies, sent the signal that would reprogram the Leeran’s pod—first to rendezvous with Jake in the airlock that Helium had timed to open, and then to pass within range of Tobias’s ship for long enough to confirm his identity (and his intentions).
And I—
I didn’t have a job, a fact which would ordinarily send me spiraling toward self-loathing, leave me feeling like an afterthought, a failure—or worse, a burden.
But not this time.
I had learned something, in the middle of the mind-meld—we all had—had found it resting quietly in a dusty corner of the Visser’s memory, the resting place for unused contingency plans, a mental warehouse of a thousand tactical tidbits. It was perhaps the least important of all the things we’d learned, together—was directly relevant only to me, and would have practically no bearing on the larger war.
But still.
We had decided, in those last, lingering moments—
—decided, or maybe discovered, it had felt more like an acknowledgement than a choice—
—together, we had agreed that the tasks that needed doing could be done by the others, and that I could have a minute—just a minute, or maybe two—to take it in.
I sank to the deck, my eyes unseeing.
Visser Three—
Visser Three had tortured my parents.
Tortured them for weeks, when he first became aware of the Ellimist—tortured them as part of a set of experiments, just to see what would happen—to see how the gods would react.
They hadn’t.
And Visser Three—
—since he didn’t need them for anything at that point, and he didn’t want to lose track of them if the situation on the surface went sideways—
Visser Three had sent them to Mars.
To his secret facility, where the rest of my classmates were imprisoned.
And they were still there.
My parents—
It was hard to finish the sentence, even in the privacy of my own head. After what had happened to the Chapmans, and to Jake’s parents, and to Rachel’s—after what had happened to Marco’s mom—
It didn’t seem fair.
It wasn’t fair.
And given the situation, I didn’t even know if it would matter. If it was anything more than a slight delay of the inevitable.
But still—
I sucked in a breath, and squeezed my eyes shut against the tears.
My parents are alive.
Chapter 70: Interlude 22
Chapter Text
— Earlier—
The ship hovered, invisible, over what had once been Hatanpää City Hospital, in what had once been Tampere, in what had once been Finland.
The ship hovered, anguished, knowing that it could not help—
Or rather, knowing that there were ways it could help, but that Tobias did not want them, would not accept them, was opposed to them for reasons it did not fully comprehend.
It made no sense. He was clearly in pain, standing there, staring at the holographic recreation of the smoking wreckage below. Was clearly suffering, as a result of that pain.
And yet, he would not allow the ship to take the pain away. Would not even allow the ship to ease it—even just a little.
And so the chemical reservoirs lay untapped, and the muscles in Tobias’s face continued to hold themselves in shapes that meant fear and worry and sadness and desperation, and both of them were unhappy together.
It could be different, the ship thought.
Not in words. It was better with words than it had been, after all its recent practice, but it still treated them like puppets—something to don temporarily, something to communicate through.
It was more of a raw awareness, an immediate perception of the difference between what-was and what-could-be. Like two near-identical images, superimposed—the ship could see the better world—could not stop itself from seeing it—was acutely and painfully aware of how close it was, how readily achievable. The possibility filled the ship’s experience, consumed its spare attention, fueling an endless, futile loop.
We could—
No.
What if we—
No.
Perhaps—
No.
What about—
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Tobias did not want any of it.
The ship knew this, but it did not understand. It was just a brute fact, taken on faith. An arbitrary decree, inconsistent with everything else it knew, in conflict with every sane and sensible policy.
And so, while the ship was able to hold itself back from action, it was not able to shake itself loose of the need to act.
How about—
“Enough,” Tobias whispered, and immediately the ship began analyzing the utterance, weighing the likelihood that it had been meant as a command—
“Ship,” Tobias continued, in a different tone. A louder tone, a familiar tone, one which the ship was sure meant—
“Give me the globe.”
The ship complied, happy to be useful for something, unpleasantly aware that its happiness was not complete.
“Here,” Tobias said, stretching out a finger. “Take us up, out of the atmosphere, then back down, to here. As fast as you can without breaking cloak.”
“No problem!” the ship replied, and for a brief moment it felt a flicker of something like hope—
But Tobias’s face did not shift. He simply turned back to the projection of the burnt and smoking ruin below, staring at the spot where the hospital had been—continuing to stare as the ship rose and the scale shifted, as the details blurred together until the entire city was scarcely more than a smudge in the darkness.
Why don’t we just—
Chapter 71: Interlude 23
Notes:
I mispredicted how easy it would be to write the next chapter, and can't promise whether it'll be out in one week or two (or whether the first half will be out in one week, and the second half later). But in the meantime, here's a nice long interlude to tide everyone over.
As always, please leave comments and reviews, either here or over on r/rational! Your feedback keeps me going. <3
Chapter Text
Interlude 23
In the fading light of the final night, when all the scurrying about had reached an almost unbearable frenzy, Artem-Amorra-Gahar set aside his duty and walked out beneath the stars.
Only for a short while—a seventh of a seventh of a turn, though the slow and ponderous rotation of the ancient planet made that somewhat longer than it would have been, on the world of his youth. A seventh of a seventh, and then he would return.
He knew the end was coming. That the dawn would bring with it his third—and final—defeat. The Abomination could not be stopped—could at best be checked, delayed, its inexorable advance hampered and inconvenienced.
They all knew it, a grim unease coloring the eib, cut through with the raw and trembling fear of the younglings. Artem had felt the current swirl around him in the meeting, the suck and crash of uncautious thought. He had delayed his moment of rest for their sake, stayed behind to touch tails with them, held steady as the waves broke against him—reformed and broke again, and again—settled finally into something resembling calm. It was the least he could do—the least, and also the most, as was always the case, his hooves guided as they ever were by the straight and narrow Path.
But now, with no urgent duty before him until morning, he slipped away, the eib quieting behind him, his thoughts sinking into the deep and endless serenity of the hirac.
There had never been any question of the younglings abandoning their position, of course. Even if Artem had not been there to steady them—they knew what came for them, and they knew what must be done.
Time. It was always time that was needed, in the end—time for the people to gather, time for them to prepare, time for them to escape. And time—this time—it was an Ellimist’s gift. They could give it, but they could not take it. If they tried to grasp it for themselves—if they fled, and by their dereliction allowed the tide of war to sweep past unhindered—
No, Artem was sure of it—sure of them, even the newest and least-tempered among them, the mud-hooved ensigns scarcely half a revolution past the ritual of starlight. Even they could see it, must see it.
They would not have wavered.
In front of him, the ground rose, the long, gentle slope that led to the high forgotten city. But Artem was in no mood for dead things—strange things—the hard, unforgiving geometry of ancient alien relics. He turned instead, following the stream at the base of the hill until he was a quarter of the way around, out of sight of the brightly-lit base. Only then, as the shadows folded comfortably around him, did he raise his stalks to the faint spilt-white of the Great Path.
Tomorrow, Artem thought.
Tomorrow, he would die. Die, or be taken.
This was comforting, in its own way. Artem knew what to do, when one saw the end coming—had been forearmed by his culture with the proper pattern-of-thought, the right ritual-of-action. There was no uncertainty, no confusion, no desperate grasping.
There, beneath the stars, Artem-Amorra-Gahar began his final remembering.
There, beneath the stars, Artem-Amorra-Gahar began the delest.
* * *
He started with the creature—never far from his thoughts—the strange and wizened figure that had first appeared in his seventh summer.
There had been nothing else special about the day. No unusual adventures, no sudden crises. Indeed, even the encounter itself had been entirely mundane. Artem had not realized how odd it all had been until he had tried to tell his family about it in the scoop that evening, and been so thoroughly disbelieved that he had almost come to think he had imagined it.
He had been grazing alone in the soft, succulent foliage on the edge of the marsh when his stalks had caught a flash of blue against the black and green. Thinking it was one of his friends playing a game of sneak-and-search, he had risen to tree-stretch and prepared to give chase, only to pull up short as a small, bipedal figure stepped out from behind a fallen log.
It had two arms, two legs, and a head held bulb-fashion atop a slender, almost delicate neck. Its skin was blue—darker than Artem’s own, at the time, but lighter than that of his father. It was hairless save for the top of its head, where long, white strands half-covered a pair of pointed ears. It had seemed old, somehow, though it moved smoothly and easily—like a kafit bird on its sixth metamorphosis.
But most of all, Artem had noticed its eyes. They had hardly seemed like eyes at all, deep black and shimmering with starlight. He remembered thinking that perhaps they were not eyes—that perhaps they were windows, portals—that by looking through them, he was seeing beyond the creature, beyond the sky, peering somehow all the way out into the vast expanse where day and night held court together.
They had stood there for a time, each of them silent and unmoving, each beholding the other. After its first step out of hiding, the creature had not taken another, and Artem, too, kept his distance. He had spoken, sending a curious greeting out into the eib, but the creature had only blinked.
Artem had spoken again, louder the second time, and the creature had shivered, its shoulders trembling in the way Artem knew to mean confusion.
It was after Artem’s third attempt that the creature replied—not in the eib, but in the stick-speak of a forest creature, all smacks and pops and slithering hisses. It spoke at length, long enough for Artem’s hearts to beat seven-by-seven times, and then seven-by-seven again. When it finally fell silent, it was Artem’s turn to give a shake of un-understanding, to which the creature responded with what seemed to Artem like an exact repeat of its entire warbling call.
‹I don’t understand,› Artem had said. ‹I’m sorry.›
And with that, the creature had shaken its shoulders again, and then turned and walked away—not quickly, as if it were trying to flee, but calmly. Casually. As if they had simply passed one another on a path, each going quietly about his own business.
Artem had considered following, but there was little fun in a game of chase played at walking speed, and in the meantime, he had spotted a patch of sweetblossoms in the rich soil at the water’s edge—
* * *
The creature had appeared again three revolutions later—a shock to Artem, who by that time had completely forgotten their first encounter, until the sight of eyes like the night sky brought the memory roaring back.
Yet that second meeting had been scarcely different than the first. Again, Artem had been wandering alone—this time on the slopes of the rolling hills behind his family’s scoop. Again, the flash of blue. Again, the weighing stillness.
Artem was older that time, his thinking less wild and magical.
‹Where did you come from?› he had asked.
The creature had cocked its head.
‹Are you the same one I met in the marsh?›
Silence, and stillness.
‹Are you an alien?›
Again the shiver of confusion, and then the creature had spoken once more, its face-flaps slapping grotesquely, the sounds rolling and clicking like a chorus of insects. They were the same sounds, Artem was sure—even after all the time that had passed, the pattern was still lurking deep within in his mind, and the hisses and pops matched the memory exactly.
Then the creature had turned, turned and begun to walk away, and this time Artem would have followed for sure, were it not for the fact that at that very moment the sky turned sudden fire, the air above filling with streaks of light that outshone the sun. Terrified, Artem had dropped to river-run, the strange creature forgotten, and dashed home as quickly as his legs could carry him.
That was the beginning of his first war, stored in his memory as the Kyril Insurrection, though in rare moments of quiet reflection he sometimes recalled—always with fresh surprise—his father’s claim that the home cluster had struck first, unprovoked. That there had been no insurrection, and that indeed the colony of Kyril had had fewer ships on the day of the attack than it had at its founding.
But whatever the truth of the matter—and in the end, it didn’t matter—the ships of Kyril had been destroyed, the government dissolved and replaced. And Artem had been taken, along with most of the other youth—taken and enrolled in the training system of the central forces.
It was not as drastic of a change as he might have predicted, if he had been given the time to do so. Certainly he missed his parents, and the familiar sights and smells and tastes of home. But he had been only one revolution shy of conscription into the colonial forces anyway, and if anything, the experience of the home cluster was more pleasant than what he would have endured on Kyril. While he never tasted the grass of the homeworld itself, he spent his time as a cadet traveling from dome ship to dome ship, surrounded by comrades, the cycles filled with delicious food, fascinating classwork, satisfying exercise, and an endless stream of novel assignments. Soon, Artem knew how to field-strip a shredder, pilot a starfighter, navigate by pulsar, manually calculate and program a Z-space jump, set a broken limb, safely amputate a limb that could not be saved, build shelter and water collection/purification systems with nothing but his tail in twice-seven different biomes, identify every recorded sapient species—extinct or extant—by sight, smell, and sound, and—most importantly of all—how to tackle daunting and unfamiliar problems with determination and measured confidence, even if the solution meant acquiring an entirely new skill set. When it came time for the ritual of starlight, and Artem severed himself from the chorus to think his thoughts in solitude, he chose his path without hesitation, affirming his conscription and reentering military service as a willing volunteer.
The one thing he did not learn, from his training—the one thing that still could not quite be taught, no matter how clever the instructors, nor how realistic the exercise—was what it was like to actually take part in battle. To truly put his life on the line—to kill or be killed—to knowingly walk toward a situation in which he would ultimately have to kill or be killed, rather than to take any of the infinite avenues of escape.
Yet this, too, proved less of a leap than he might have thought, had he ever bothered to guess at its size.
For one, his first battle was indeed very much like the simulations, his role ancillary, the danger indirect—it was not until his fourth that he found himself in a position to see death directly, with his own eyes, and not until his seventh that he was obligated to deal it, with his own tail.
For another, he was always—as every Andalite always was—cradled in the warm, intimate embrace of the eib, his own thoughts able to drift only so far before the gravitational tug of the others pulled him back. He was surrounded by veterans, and so he became a veteran—not merely through experience itself, but through the way his superiors’ demeanor and perspective informed and influenced his own digestion of the events unfolding around him. It was a process of coloration, of homogenization, all of them sliding together toward an equilibrium that shifted constantly—but only subtly. There was inertia in the mood of Artem’s comrades, and for Artem, there was no reason not to let that inertia sweep him up and carry him along.
And so there were battles, and more battles, brief moments of electric intensity punctuated by endless stretches of boring routine. It was the purpose of a strong and confident military—his superiors repeated over and over—to ensure that the minimum number of battles need actually be fought—that their enemies would see the futility of resistance, predict the outcome of provocation, and choose the path of peace.
Yet it seemed to Artem—
—in his quieter moments, his lonelier moments, of which there were very few—
—it seemed to Artem that there were an awful lot of battles anyway, somehow. That even the rate of one new uprising every three revolutions or so was—high, for a civilization that spanned fewer than a hundred worlds and had scarcely a billion members.
At least the battles tended to be quick and easy, the uprisings confidently, almost casually subdued—
There was a thread of insight there, but it was gossamer, delicate, insubstantial—hard to see clearly, and even harder to grasp. Try as he might, Artem never quite managed to make anything of it before any given reverie came to an end. Always he found himself back among his companions, his confusion draining away, subsumed by borrowed conviction.
To be clear, there were enemies. True ones, external ones, aliens whose belligerence threatened the peace and stability of the entire Andalite commonwealth—seditionists and loyalists alike.
There were the nomadic Ongachic, whose total military might was dwarfed by even the smallest of the Andalites’ twenty-one fleets, but who frequently launched massed attacks at convenient targets, overwhelming a border-world’s defenses before fading dishonorably back into the deep.
There were the Skrit Na, who seemed oblivious to the concept of territory, and whose behavior was mostly innocuous, but whose vast world-hulls frequently harbored hostile forces, deadly pathogens, untested and dangerous alien technology.
There were the Hawjabran, who welcomed Andalite commerce and allowed free and unmolested passage through their systems, but who occasionally responded with sudden, savage force to perceived transgressions that they would not—or perhaps could not—explain, after which they would just as abruptly revert to tranquil hospitality as if nothing had happened.
It was in Hawjabran space that Artem had first tasted defeat. It had been two revolutions since his reenlistment, and seven since the most recent Hawjabran attack. Protectionary forces had been drawn down accordingly—optimistically, as it turned out—leaving only one war vessel for every seven commercial or personal ships.
The Hawjabran had attacked a merchant convoy—destroyed one of three ships outright, and were holding two others in place, attempting to board. Artem’s frigate had been dispatched, with orders to stabilize the situation until more reinforcements could be mustered.
Tensions had run high during the brief Z-space journey. Hawjabran space was a low-security posting, and the crew, while technically qualified, had grown relaxed and complacent. They were out of practice.
They were also outraged. Artem’s war-prince, for reasons known only to himself, had chosen to broadcast the unfiltered incoming communications from the besieged convoy on the shipwide channel. They had all heard the panicked cries of wounded and frightened civilians, heard the repeated insistence that the convoy had done nothing wrong, had not deviated from the same course they had followed on a hundred previous journeys, the Hawjabrans had simply attacked, without provocation—
A part of Artem had hesitated—wasn’t that simply how Hawjabran aggression always began?—but the rest of him had been swept up in his fellows’ righteous fury, and they came out of Z-space with their fingers on the trigger—
—only to find that eight more Hawjabran warships had converged on the convoy’s position.
The battle had been brief, and violent, Hawjabran disruptors carving up the ship’s engine and weapons arrays, Hawjabran spacetroopers slicing their way in through the dome in seven-times-seven places. They had lost atmosphere—lost orientation—lost the cohesion and clarity they had felt, en masse, just moments earlier. All had been chaos and confusion and death.
Artem had lost consciousness, had awakened alone in a tiny Hawjabran cell, bloody and bruised. It was a sparse and primitive affair—cold synthetic stone beneath his hooves and above his stalks, and a thick wrought-metal grid separating his patch of floor from that of the adjacent prisoners.
They had been Andalites, mostly, the facility clearly having been hastily repurposed, many of the other inmates doubled or even tripled up. But there were only slightly fewer Hawjabrans, and a scattering of other aliens.
The wizened blue biped had been four cells away.
They had noticed one another almost instantly, the strange creature’s attentiveness dispelling Artem’s uncertainty—affirming that it was not, for instance, merely another member of the same species. Artem had called out to it—uselessly, as before—had spoken to it at length, asked his fellow captive Andalites for information, begged the scattered other aliens for help.
None had any to offer.
Late that night, as the cells quieted and the cold crept in, the creature had repeated its curious string of sounds—twice, each recitation taking precisely the same amount of time. Artem had again cast his thoughts about the prison, seeking any who understood, or who could identify the language, or the creature, or its origin.
Again, none could.
They had been extracted three cycles later, thanks to a diplomatic arrangement whose details Artem never learned. Hawjabran guards had removed them from their cells, one by one, delivering each of the captured warriors to a holding location from which they were retrieved by an Andalite military transport. The creature, seeing them come for Artem, had given its strange soliloquy one last time, though they had been long out of earshot before the creature could finish.
Artem had hoped, perhaps, to secure the creature’s release—to bring it aboard ship, where it might be studied and questioned.
But two full cycles passed before he had the attention of an officer of sufficient rank, and that officer was uninterested. Unknown species were not common, precisely, but neither were they unheard of, and two previous sightings—on a border world that had rebelled against the central government, no less—were not sufficient to make this one particularly worth investigating. In fact—now that the officer considered it—was it not possible that Artem had imagined those alleged previous sightings?
Artem conceded that it was indeed possible.
It was easy, after all, for childhood memories to deceive—was it not?
Artem agreed that this was so.
Would it be a prudent expenditure of military resources—especially given the tension in the wake of this unfortunate incident—to attempt to persuade the Hawjabran government to provide access to this lone prisoner of theirs?
Artem did not think that it would be, no.
Were there any other ways that this humble military servant could be useful to this young repatriated hero, before they each returned to the ordinary duties that were currently on hold during this conversation?
There were not.
And so Artem found himself returned to active duty as if nothing had happened—as if the entire incident had been nothing more than a pebble striking the surface of a pond. He was assigned to a new ship, with a new commanding officer. Soon enough, his preoccupation with the creature receded, buried beneath the thousand tiny distractions of military life.
There were drills.
There were inspections.
There were double shifts and training exercises, mock battles and their corresponding ceremonies. There was combat practice, and target practice, and flight practice, and survival practice, grazing time and resting time and unstructured time, new recruits and new deployments and new duties, the sweet anticipation of shore leave and the exquisite, almost dizzying first taste of grass grown under an alien sun.
And always, there was war itself. War like summer storms, and battles like flashes of lightning within those storms—rare and radiant and ephemeral, slices of time so thin they nearly vanished, compared to the vast stretches between them, and yet somehow those moments outweighed and outshone everything else. Somehow those moments were the story, and all the rest mere contrast.
There was the day that Artem’s task force, on routine patrol, just happened to arrive in orbit around Kahani mere moments before an Ongachic raid. Outnumbered four to one, they nevertheless held strong, laying waste to a third of the invading force and driving the survivors back into the black.
There was the disastrous first contact with the Kelbrid, eight Andalite ships vanishing into dust before Artem made the key connection that allowed their engineers to neutralize the aliens’ shield-penetrating antimatter beam. He had been summoned to the citadel for that one, and personally decorated by Chancellor Jaham-Estalan-Forlan. There was a youngling there, after the ceremony—an eager cadet brimming with surprisingly penetrating questions, who Artem had only realized much later had been Alloran-Semitur-Corass.
There was the time his squad had been ambushed groundside, during the investigation of the disappearance of a science vessel on a dark, frozen rock on the edge of Anati space. They had lost Ascalin-Oe-Salawan and Golubar-Ashul-Tahaylik in the initial salvo, but had rallied and fought their way out of the trap—had regrouped, rearmed, and hunted down every last one of the Nausicaan pirates that had thought them easy prey.
There was the Secession of the Seven, in which a coalition of colony worlds somehow suborned the commanders of nine whole fleets, declaring themselves independent of the central government. Artem had captained his own support vessel in that battle, with a crew of four under his command, and had taken orders directly from Alloran himself, after the flagship was destroyed and the young prodigy assumed tactical control.
There was the battle over Gara, after Alloran’s Fall, seven Andalite dome ships against the full might of the newly ascendant Yeerk menace, a massive fleet of twenty-six stolen vessels piloted by slaves from six species and led by Seerow’s own frigate (though mercifully with no Andalites aboard). They had won that one by the width of their tail blades, after which Gara had become a symbol of Andalite prowess, a rallying cry across the entire commonwealth.
Artem was proud of those battles, for the most part. Proud of their purpose, proud of his comrades’ courage and skill, proud to be a working part of his people’s grand machine.
He was even—though it was hard to express, and not something he spoke of openly—he was even proud of his own experience with sedition, for all that it had come to naught.
It had been three revolutions after the Secession of the Seven, when the reformations of Alloran were just beginning, and had not yet made themselves felt among the rank and file. Artem had been serving as the commodore of a three-vessel task force in the ninth fleet, assigned to guard the colony worlds of Ordin and Calomir from possible aggression by the nearby Naharans.
And guard them they did—but not from the Naharans. From the homeworld, which—shockingly—interpreted news of Calomir’s independently negotiated trade agreement with Nahara as an act of rebellion, and sent an armada to seize power from the local governors. Artem’s superior, Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad, had blockaded the armada in orbit, calling for clemency, arguing that no irreversible action should be taken until the situation could be clarified. The commander of the armada had fired, the ninth fleet had fired back, and with the speed of a spreading wildfire the entire sector was embroiled in civil war.
Artem’s side had lost, in the end—Alloran, by now the vice-Chancellor and the de facto head of military strategy, had come to the system in person, and carved his way through the defectors like a tail blade through thick grass. Artem’s own ship had been destroyed in pitched battle, though the crew had managed to evacuate—he had given the surrender-order to his other two vessels from inside an escape pod.
Yet he felt no shame. Neither at the defeat itself—it was Alloran, after all—nor at his overall decision to stand with Gafinilan and Calomir. The whole affair had been—confused, there was no other way to describe it, a war of accidents, a series of tragic mistakes. But Artem and the ninth fleet had acted with honor throughout, discharging their duty even as the central government hunted them for it.
Alloran had understood—Alloran, whose reforms would eventually tear the weed of rebellion out by its root, Alloran who saw that the root was insularity, the once-continuous eib shattered into fragments by the vast distances between worlds. A fragmented disunity that encouraged divergence, fueled an endless cycle of self-fulfilling suspicion and distrust.
Alloran seized the fraying threads of the commonwealth and rewove them, drawing the scattered worlds tighter and closer than ever before, reshaping the military into a vast circulatory system that ensured a constant exchange of people and ideas between every Andalite settlement, leaving none in isolation.
And he wove the ninth fleet in, as well—pardoned the survivors, reinstated their ranks, forbade any formal censure or permanent mark of record. His only punishment, as it were, was to disband them, distributing them evenly across the twenty remaining fleets, planting each of Gafinilan’s veterans in loyalist soil.
Which is how Artem found himself the auxiliary commandant of the third largest military spaceport on Shiroyama, until quite recently the eighth-most-populous of the rimward colony worlds. There had been other events in between, of course—other battles, other victories (though thankfully far fewer once the Andalites ceased cutting their own backs every three revolutions). But it was Alloran who had set Artem on the path that had brought him to this moment, and it was Alloran’s example he pondered as he turned his thoughts to what was coming.
Stain.
The black stain, spreading across the sky, all-consuming.
The Abomination.
It had come shockingly far already—farther and faster than Artem would have guessed. Shiroyama was not remote—was nearly a quarter of the distance inward along the path that ran from the edge of Andalite space to the homeworld. Yet all beyond it had fallen silent, and much behind it, too—empty, evacuated, the scattered millions packing into overcrowded dome ships, leaving only the warriors behind to face the darkness.
There were whispers, from the survivors of earlier battles—those who had been overlooked in the carnage, or who had fled the battlefield carrying the wounded (or who had simply fled). Rumors, which Artem’s superiors had moved swiftly to quash—rumors made more frightening by the fact that his superiors had felt it necessary to quash them.
They said it was the Visser.
They said he had a million bodies.
They said that he was taking bodies—not merely enslaving them, Yeerk-fashion, but consuming them, somehow—that every body was the puppet of the same mind—that they all moved together, saw together, thought together.
If it was true, Artem ruminated—
—trying his best, as he sometimes did, to think like Alloran, to imagine himself cleverer than he had ever been, himself—
—if it was true, then there was no real hope in their current strategy. Falling back, delaying, holding the line—if the Abomination was feeding on the fallen of every battle, if it had access to the contents of a million Andalite minds—
Where was there to flee to?
How would they even manage it? How could they ever be confident that no one with the crucial knowledge would ever be taken? That none who had already been taken could rederive the answer?
Randomness, perhaps. Or perhaps they would simply fly so far that it would not be worth the bother to pursue—forfeit all they owned, all they knew.
The others, anyway. Artem’s own fate lay here.
He rose to tree-stretch, looking up toward the stars with all four eyes—not to the glow of the Great Path, but to the orphans, the outliers—the billions of tiny sparks that stood separate from the stream.
All of them are separate, in truth—
Artem knew, but he chided the thought, gently, hushing it as if it were a child.
Those that stand apart, and those that stand together—the same components in opposite configuration—
He reached for insight—for epiphany—hoping, straining—
Nothing.
He did not know what to do, could not see the way out. Knew only the tired, ordinary wisdom—how to fight with courage, and die with honor.
Even if there was no point.
Even if nothing would be bought by his death. Just time—time that his people could not usefully spend, time that would soon trickle away.
For that matter, why hasn’t it already? Why would an invading force proceed in an orderly fashion, star by star, when it could just as easily—
There was a sound in the air—a sound that his instincts told him should not have been there.
Instantly, Artem sank to root-lie, his tail held low and ready, one of his stalks turning to face the treeline where the sound had originated, the other pointing in the opposite direction.
He was a soldier, after all.
He waited, unmoving, for seven-times-seven heartsbeats.
Silence.
An animal, no more.
Artem knew that it was almost surely so, yet still he lingered, patient, disciplined. It was just such patience which had saved his life in the jungles of Secundus—
A part of him noted that he was still adrift in time—awash in memory—a lingering, reminiscent mood in the wake of the delest. Another part wondered—idly—almost defensively—if it might not be the creature—
It is not the creature.
No, of course not. But he had thought he had seen it here once before, shortly after he had first arrived—a flash of blue too narrow to be an Andalite, seen from the corner of his eye as it vanished behind a boulder—
It is not the creature.
Time passed.
Almost—almost Artem had tired of waiting, run dry of self-restraint. Seven more heartsbeats, and he would have stood, and chided himself, and begun to make his way back to the spaceport.
But the other moved first—a silent, shifting shadow. It stepped out into the open, and Artem tensed—
‹There will be no need for any of that.›
He was a soldier in his bones—had immediately recognized the figure as a stranger, and had been readying himself to strike. What innocent Andalite would be here, now, on this night of all nights, with death drawing near and the last shuttle gone two cycles past?
But he had not struck.
He could not strike.
Artem stood, willing himself to motion, commanding his limbs to move, but his body refused to answer, his muscles pretending stone.
‹What—› he began.
‹You have shown so very little interest in the limits of thought-speak,› the figure intoned, drawing closer in the starlight. ‹Perhaps because your physiology keeps it contained, stops it spilling over to the rest of your brain, the way it does in other species.›
Artem understood, then, his mind leaping ahead to what—in retrospect—was obvious.
The Abomination was not coming tomorrow.
The Abomination was already here.
Artem strained to move his tail blade—to force it toward his own head, deny the enemy his mind and body. If he were to fail to return—if his comrades were to come to alert—
If it takes me—
If it took Artem, it would take the entire planet. Would have no trouble doing so—could use Artem’s knowledge and access to lower the shields, recall key ships, shut down communications—
‹But of course, that’s merely a technical problem.›
The figure was in full view, now. It was larger than an Andalite, and darker, covered in scales that glittered as if they had been cut from the night sky—
Artem tried to close his eyes, but they did not obey.
I am the servant of the people, he thought, and—thankfully—the fear did not come.
I am the servant of my prince. I am the servant of honor.
Artem-Amorra-Gahar prepared himself for his fate.
The figure stretched out a hand, and something silver within it seemed to unfold—rose into the air and shot toward Artem’s head. For a moment, he felt a surge of hope, of triumphant anticipation—for, like every Andalite, he had long since been fitted with implants to guard against infestation, neurotoxic gates that wrapped around his aural passageways—
But the object did not go for his ears. It shot straight for the space between his stalk eyes, instead—dug into the flesh there and began to spin, to drill, a mechanical whine giving way to the sound of shredding bone.
Artem-Amorra-Gahar screamed, and only the Visser heard.
Chapter 72: Chapter 47: Tobias (Part I)
Notes:
Half update. The second half of this chapter should go up before March 15th.
As always: please, if you have the spare energy, drop a comment/review, or head over to r/rational and participate in the discussion there. I often don't have the resources to reply directly, but I read *every* single word of feedback that comes my way, and it is deeply, deeply nourishing. Especially now, as we close in on the end, your responses keep me going!
Chapter Text
“Tobias?”
I looked up at the ceiling—
—at the clear blue summer sky, as far as my eyes could tell, the already-vast chamber made to seem like it wasn’t a chamber at all through holographic trickery. I’d realized after a few days that the ship didn’t have to do the disembodied voice-of-god thing—that it would be perfectly happy to project a face, or create some human-sized holographic avatar for me to talk to.
But by that point, I was used to it. Star Trek, and all that.
“What’s up, buddy?” I called out.
“Tobias?”
I don’t think it was battle instincts. I don’t think it was even street smarts. I think it was something deeper than that—something primal, the same part of your brain that just knows that someone is choking, or having a seizure—that understands, before you’ve even really processed what you’re seeing, that something is deeply wrong.
The ship had said my name twice, in exactly the same tone—had ignored my response as if I hadn’t even spoken.
That—
That was enough to turn my blood to ice, even as another part of me ramped up in counter-response—whoa, calm down, no need to jump to conclusions—
“Ship,” I called out. “Can you hear me?”
“Tobias?”
Fuck.
There was a script I was supposed to follow, where I acted like I didn’t know, went back and forth with the ship for two or three more rounds, pretending like I thought it was answering me—a who’s-on-first rom-com bit I’d seen a thousand times.
You know, enough to be sure.
But I was already running. Not far—just to the other end of the chamber, which I hadn’t left since the moment we’d cleared the undersea trench. But still I cursed the lost seconds, felt my heart in my throat as I thought about just how screwed we were if the ship were somehow broken—
“Tobias?”
I skidded to a stop in front of the cluster of twisted metal shapes, the chair-and-console setup that the ship had manifested for me when I’d insisted on a manual interface. Throwing myself into the seat, I reached out with both hands—
Thank god.
“Tobias?”
The lights in the chamber dimmed and brightened at the twitch of a finger. The wall in front of me shimmered into visibility, then went transparent, revealing a dense scattering of stars. I twisted one wrist, and they slid smoothly to one side as the ship began to rotate around its center.
Whatever was happening to the central computer, the ship itself was still responding normally.
“Tobias?”
Maninho, can you—
‹On it.›
I released one of the control levers and reached out to tap the console screen, pulling up the map of local space. There was the silhouette of the ship in the center, and around it—
“Tobias?”
I frowned.
Around it, there was nothing.
I pinched, zooming out, expecting to see flickers of light, something lurking in the darkness—
Nothing. Just the trio of Bug fighters a few thousand miles away, unmoving, still hovering in formation around the spot where the Howler fleet had emerged.
“Tobias?”
‹Fiveish seconds,› Maninho said. ‹Every time.›
I twiddled the controls again, and the transparent patch on the wall widened, spreading like a black stain across the holographic sky until nearly a third of my field of vision was filled with stars. I pushed the acceleration further, adding another axis to the rotation, Maninho easing my sudden nausea as the panorama lurched—
“Tobias?”
Nothing.
Nothing I could see, and nothing that the ship’s computer was able to detect.
Or at least, nothing it was able to tell me it was detecting.
‹Could be sabotage?› Maninho suggested. ‹One of the passengers?›
I hesitated. There was one way to check, but I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off manually, hadn’t been paranoid enough to preprogram it in—had so thoroughly assumed that the computer would just keep working that I hadn’t even realized it was an assumption—
“Tobias?”
I pressed a button on the console. “Logan,” I called out. “Can you hear me?”
“Yes,” came the reply, clear and crisp, the simulated Chee voice sounding like it was right next to me.
“Something’s wrong with—”
“We’ve noticed,” the voice said dryly, as the ship continued to call my name every few seconds. “There’s a Leeran just outside the hull. It’s—confusing.”
“What?” I blurted, my original next question dropping straight out of my brain. “Where?”
“Outside the main bridge.”
The main bridge that I had specifically avoided using as my command center, since it was exposed, vulnerable, a criminally obvious target—
Fucking Pemalites.
“How—”
“It’s in a vessel cloaked with salvaged Chee technology—”
In the back of my mind, I could feel Maninho taking notes, making connections—so Chee sensor tech can’t beat Chee cloaking tech.
“—there are eighteen of us currently within the field of effect.”
Wait a second.
We were cloaked.
Or were supposed to be, anyway.
“How did it find us?” I asked.
“We don’t know. Jake Berenson doesn’t know, either.”
“Jake?”
“He’s on board with the Leeran, in bat morph.”
What—
“Who else is with him?”
“No one else. No room—it’s more of a spacesuit than a ship. But—it was built and sent by Visser Three. He and Jake are alli—"
I yanked my hand away from the console like it was a hot stovetop, abruptly cutting off the transmission.
He and Jake are allied.
I took a deep breath.
Then another.
Then another.
Maninho, I thought.
‹I get it,› my passenger murmured. ‹I do. But if there was ever a day when that might actually be a good sign—›
Maninho nudged my eyes toward the spinning starscape just in time to catch a glimpse of the crescent sliver of Earth before it vanished out of sight. At this distance—at a full rotation every twenty seconds—I couldn’t actually see the thousands of fires burning across the surface, the thousands of Howler ships swarming like locusts.
But I knew they were there.
I struggled to recall what I’d seen in Rachel’s memory of the Leeran, Maninho helping draw the conversations back into focus. Erek had been there—had been visible to her, been able to see her—so—
So Jake and the Chee are now equally compromised, if the Visser’s done something to Jake—
‹If it works on robots, too, anyway.›
Could it have affected the ship?
Well, that was stupid, it had clearly already affected the ship. The question was whether the ship’s mind was mind enough for Jake to be able to read it through the Leeran, whether it was vulnerable to some kind of persuasion or infection—
‹Rachel wasn’t infected when it happened to her,› Maninho pointed out.
That we know of.
Suddenly, I realized that the ship had stopped calling my name—that it had been at least fifteen seconds since I’d last heard it.
“Ship,” I called out. “You there?”
“Yes,” the ship’s voice answered promptly.
I felt a wave of relief, tempered by a guarded wariness. Let’s not celebrate too soon.
“What—” I began, and then broke off.
What the hell was I supposed to ask it?
‹Don’t ask it,› Maninho recommended.
“Ship, can you locate and communicate with the vessel that was just outside the main bridge?”
“Nope! Sorry!”
“Why not?”
“Can’t see it! No signals!”
I sighed. “Can you ping the Bug fighters again?”
“Connecting!” the ship sang out cheerfully.
I placed my palm flat on the console again, feeling the strange mental tickle—so different from Andalite thought-speak—as the Pemalite comm system tapped into my thoughts. I’d been on hold with what I had assumed was some junior communications officer, waiting to be connected to someone with authority—had gotten up after ten minutes to stretch my legs, counting on the ship to let me know if anyone ever picked up—
‹Tobias.›
‹Marco?›
I wasn’t quite sure how I knew. Something about the cadence, the tone—some familiar quirk of pronunciation that managed to make it all the way through the double-filter of thought-speak and long-range transmission—
‹Well, a Marco, anyway. There are a few of us now. I’ve been going by Magellan.›
I blinked. That—
That was information. Information that they probably didn’t know I already knew, information freely volunteered—
To gain my trust?
‹Well, obviously it’s to gain our trust,› Maninho remarked quietly. ‹Marco doesn’t do random exposition for no reason. But, like, manipulatively, or—?›
I set the question aside.
‹Why is Jake outside my ship trying to catch me with a Leeran?› I asked quietly.
‹Oh. Did that not work?›
I blinked again. I’d been expecting a denial, or a frantic justification—
‹We thought it would be faster that way,› Marco—
—no, Magellan—
—Magellan explained. ‹I, uh. Sorry. I’m just now seeing what that probably looks like from your point of view. We’re, uh. All a little hung over, maybe. Still getting our thoughts straightened back out.›
‹From your little powwow with Visser Three?› I asked pointedly.
‹Yeah, but it’s not what you’re thinking.›
There was the mental sensation of a shrug, and I glanced back toward the transparent wall, where the Earth was once again drifting past.
‹Enemy of my enemy, and all that. Visser Three has firepower. We could use some firepower right about now.›
Maybe less than you think.
I glanced at the spinning stars again.
‹He’s with you?› I asked. ‹Where are you, by the way?›
‹He’s—sort of with us. We’ve got one of his hosts on board. He, uh—›
‹Has a lot. I know.›
‹Right. Anyway. We’re hanging out on the far side of the wormhole. Considering the angles.›
I glanced down at the map, at the trio of Bug Fighters flanking the entrance to the Z-space bridge.
‹Which are?›
‹Uh. Complicated? Listen, this would really go faster if you just—›
‹Fuck off, Mar—Magellan. I’m not about to let Visser Three drag his dick around the inside of my skull, no matter how highly you rate the experience after the fact.›
‹Okay, one, vivid, and two, Jake’s not Visser Three.›
‹You did go through sex ed, right? Look, we can talk. Talking is fine. Speaking of which—where’s Jake, and how do I get in touch with him?›
There was a brief silence, during which I couldn’t help imagining Magellan pressing a phone to his shoulder while he whispered to someone else in the room.
‹He’s hovering about a half a mile away from you,› Magellan said. ‹Uh. V3 noticed you spinning around like you were trying to shake him off, and pulled the pod back.›
To calm me down, or to stop Jake from getting swatted?
‹How do I contact him?›
‹You can’t. The pod doesn’t have comms, and even if it did, Jake is basically tripping balls right now.›
Right, the Leeran.
If only I could—
No, wait. This wasn’t a problem at all.
‹All right,› I said. ‹I’m going to open up a docking bay in about two minutes. Tell Visser Three to go ahead and send the pod inside when I do.›
* * *
“Hi, Jake.”
“Hi, Tobias. Long time no see.”
The hologram was absolutely perfect—could even have been made to feel real, if I’d wanted it to, though I didn’t see much reason to give holo-Jake the ability to physically attack me. As far as my eyes and ears could tell, he was standing right there in front of me, not ten feet away, his shoes pressing into the bright green grass.
But I still had one hand on the console—still had a telepathic link to the ship’s internal sensors—and I knew where the real Jake was down to the millimeter.
It hadn’t taken long to set up. I’d just instructed the ship to form a large, spherical chamber on the other side of the central reactor from my own—big enough that no part of the ship’s circuitry would be anywhere within fifteen meters of its center—and had it hold the pod in zero-gee while a Chee drifted through the area-of-effect long enough to ask Jake to demorph. Then the ship had force-fielded Jake away into a separate chamber, out of range of the Leeran, and introduced him to a hologram of me.
Not that Jake knew it was a hologram. I’d waited to set that part up until after he’d already left the psychic bubble, just in case.
With the Leeran pod hermetically sealed away from the rest of the ship, and Jake in his own isolated space with independent life support—and with both of those spaces reinforced with high-power Pemalite force-field technology—we were about as safe from sabotage as we were going to get.
‹You know that’s not going to cut it long term, right?› Maninho whispered. ‹I mean, at some point—›
I cut him off with a mental wave. “So,” I said out loud. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
Holo-Jake looked around, the real Jake seeing a holographic copy of the chamber I was sitting in. “Short version?” he said. “Visser Three has a virus that can kill every single Howler in about five minutes. We were just about to pull the trigger on it when Cassie came back from the dead and asked us not to.”
I’ll admit it—between the ancient Pemalite technology, and the sudden Howler attack, and the god-avatar thing showing up at random to freeze time or teleport us or whatever, I’d started to feel like I was immune to surprises. But that one still got me.
What?
I mean—WHAT?
“Did—did she say why?”
There were other questions, like what? and how? and seriously, what? A part of me automatically started weighing up the chances that it was a Visser Three fakeout, somehow—that maybe Jake was a Visser Three fakeout—but surely the Chee would have said something—
Could Leerans be fake? Hypnotic, instead of psychic?
But Helium had described them, back when he was just Ax—had seemed to think they were legit—
‹Maybe Visser Three mutated them? Made some kind of fake that’s close enough that you wouldn’t notice the difference?›
Meanwhile, Jake was answering. Sort of.
“Something something hope, something something genocide?” he said, shrugging. “I’ll be honest, we were paying a lot more attention to where the argument was coming from than to how strong it actually was.”
“How did she—I mean, how sure are you that it’s—”
“Ellimist wizardry, as far as we can tell. She dropped out of a hole in the air along with that kid from the Yeerk pool. The one she ran back to save, remember?”
I nodded.
“She remembers leaving the pool, remembers getting shot out of the sky, remembers the meteor hitting. Then nothing. Helium’s best guess is that the Ellimist just kept her real body on ice the whole time—kept her in the same little Z-space bubble the morphing tech put her in.”
I leaned back in my chair, trying to figure out how to say it, how to frame things so that Jake wouldn’t just reject them out of hand.
“You’ve considered the possibility that it’s all some kind of Visser Three charade?” I asked gently.
Jake started to nod, then seemed to catch himself—broke off and shook his head, instead. “Well, not really,” he admitted. “There’s a level of being-screwed-with that we’ve kind of just—stopped guarding against?”
I tilted my head. “When did that start?”
Jake shrugged again. “Probably a while before we admitted it to ourselves,” he said. “Maybe around the last time you and I were in the same room together.”
Was I imagining it, or had he put just the tiniest emphasis on the phrase same room?
‹He does know you pretty well by now.›
“What happened after that?” I asked, stalling for time while half of my brain spun on the Cassie question.
Possibility one—Visser Three was faking it, which means he’s probably faking his virus, too. A straightforward con—oh, look, I brought the briefcase to the meeting, but then somebody stole it from me before I could give it to you.
Possibility two. Cassie’s real, regardless of whether the Visser is lying or not—was brought back by one of the players at a critical moment—
Why?
I thought back to the last time we’d seen the little blue avatar thing—the day it had taken Jake and the others away. It had actually mentioned Cassie, I was pretty sure—or Jake had, maybe. And then it had said—
The whole point is for you to be placed into situations where your decisions are philosophically relevant.
The memory unfolded, Maninho helping to draw it out of the fog, sharpening up its edges.
Situations where you are free to choose, where the constraints on your choices are primarily your constraints. Your morals, your values, your tradeoffs.
I opened my eyes as something Jake was saying caught my full attention.
“Wait, go back. Marco’s mom?”
“Is Visser One’s host, yeah. Was. Four of the Marcos took her in, using Quat’s tech. It was just like you and Marco were saying—long-distance coalescion.”
I’d known about the Marco hive-mind, thanks to Terra and the Chee. But somehow the detail that the Visser’s former host was Marco’s dead mother hadn’t been part of the memo.
‹Well, allegedly dead,› Maninho cut in. ‹Same as Cassie. Which isn’t all that wild, given that you’ve actually come back from the dead.›
Just like Jake. Just like Marco. In fact, if that really was what had happened to Cassie—if the gods had tucked away her real body and then just brought it back—that would make her the only surviving original Animorph.
Does that mean anything?
I wasn’t sure. Did it not?
Jake’s story was winding down.
“And so Visser Three pulled back because Cassie asked him to?”
Jake shook his head. “He pulled back because I asked him to. And I asked him to because of Cassie.”
“Since when does Visser Three do what we ask?”
Jake fixed me with a steady, serious look. “Listen,” he said flatly. “I don’t know how much to trust my brain on this one. You’ve been gone a long time. But my brain is telling me something like Tobias is being stupid on purpose, don’t put up with it. Not trying to be a dick, here. Just saying.”
I felt my eyebrows draw together. “Say more?”
“I mean, it’s the same thing I was saying a minute ago. Some levels of threat you just can’t do anything about, so you stop trying. We can’t break the gods, so we’re playing along. We can’t take on Visser Three head-to-head, so we’re trying something else. And—and I’d be kind of surprised if you of all people don’t, like, get this. Visser Three’s decided that he can’t outmaneuver the gods, and from his perspective it’s pretty clear that we’re at the center of this whole mess, so he’s playing along. Trying to speedrun it. Hitting A through all the cutscenes.”
“And you guys think that’s a good thing?” I asked quietly.
“It’s better than him setting off another round of bombs,” Jake countered. “It’s better than him helping the Howlers. At least you can negotiate with Visser Three.”
“You think you can.”
Jake didn’t take the bait. “Yeah,” he said. “I do. I’ve seen the way he negotiated with Quat—with the Leeran and everything. He’s still keeping those promises even now—even after Marco shot Quat right through the chest. And—look—if it’s all a scam, if this is all for show—if he’s wasting this much time and energy just trying to trick us—I dunno. I kind of get how he feels about the gods, you know? Like, fine, whatever, let’s go ahead and fall for it so we can get this over with.”
Not in control, never in control.
“Okay,” I said. “You’re right. I get it.”
“Great. Now what?”
I blinked. “You’re asking me?”
“The cube is gone. The fleet’s in revolt—Helium has the ships locked down remotely but it’s exhausting and it can’t last forever. The Howlers have been in orbit for—what—six hours now? Seven? Eight? We figure they’re killing about fifty million people every hour, so by the time they hit China again they’ll have taken out twice as many people as Visser Three ever did. We were going to pull the trigger on a quantum virus when Cassie showed up. We were in the middle of trying to figure out what to do about that when you showed up. So, yes. I’m asking. Got any bright ideas?”
A dying sperm whale, beached exactly where Garrett and I happened to be walking—
“Here’s the thing,” I said slowly. “I do have a plan. But it’s not a plan for saving the Earth, and I’m not entirely stoked to loop Visser Three into it, either.”
“At this point, I don’t know if we really have a say in that.”
“You could kill him. The copy of him you have on board your ship, I mean. Marco made it sound like there was only one.”
Jake shook his head tightly. “There is only one, but killing it won’t make a difference. He’s got us tracked six ways from Sunday. Also, it happens to be inside an innocent guy’s head at the moment.”
“That’s stopping you?” I asked.
“That a test?” he shot back.
Right. Cassie.
“It’s occurred to you that—”
“Yes,” he said flatly. “It has.”
There was a long silence.
“I get why you’re—cautious,” Jake said, his voice a little softer. “I do.”
His hologram stepped forward, reached out a hand, slapped the metal edge of the console. On his end, the real Jake’s hand encountered a hologram made solid. In both rooms it made a dull, heavy sort of sound.
“Realistic,” he murmured.
I shrugged.
“I get it,” he repeated. “Teaming up with Visser Three is not a good look. And I get that there isn’t much I can say to change your mind, at this point. So—I dunno. Do you have any suggestions?”
“For?”
It was Jake’s turn to shrug. “You called us,” he pointed out. “What were you after?”
I tilted my head, considering. In the back of my mind, I made room for Maninho to leave a thought, but he didn’t take me up on it.
“Maps,” I said, after another long silence. “The ones on this ship are about thirty-seven thousand years out of date. I figured the Yeerks might have more recent intel.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I see,” he said.
He waited.
“I kept thinking,” I continued, reluctantly filling the silence. “About what the avatar thing said. About none of this wrapping up quickly. About whether we’d rather be at the end of things, or at the beginning.”
Jake gave a sad, twisted little smile. “And then surprise surprise, you found yourself in control of a giant spaceship, right at the moment the Earth started looking like a bad bet for the future.”
‹Hey, uh. Not trying to intrude,› Maninho cut in. ‹But is there a reason you haven’t brought it up yet?›
I ignored him. “Yeah,” I replied. “Like you said. Figured I’d play along.”
“So that’s it?” Jake pressed. “You get the intel you need, and you’re just—out?”
“Need is a strong word.”
“What about the Earth?”
“You said the Visser has a virus, right?”
“Which we’re not using, apparently.”
“Got any other way to take out half a million Howlers?”
“Not really, no.”
“Then maybe you guys should leave, too,” I said. “I hear you’ve got a fleet.”
“Not just a fleet,” Jake said. “Visser Three’s got a breeding population stashed away on his Mars base. Helium thinks we could be in and out in under two hours, given that they’re all Controllers.”
“So what’s the problem?”
It wasn’t a real question. Just a reflex, the words drawing themselves out of my throat by habit, to fill the silence. Jake knew, I could tell—gave another one of those twisted smiles, and said nothing.
The problem was, why two fleets?
If we were playing along—and it seemed, for the moment, that we were—if we were going to take seriously the idea that all of this had been prepared for us, laid out for us—that none of the details were random—
There wouldn’t be two entirely independent arks unless we were going to need two entirely independent arks.
Or unless one of the arks wasn’t an ark at all.
‹But if one of them isn’t an ark, it’s got to be theirs, right?› Maninho argued. ‹I mean, we’re already loaded up. We’ve got Yeerks, humans, Chee, tech—all the seeds of a self-sustaining colony.›
All the seeds except one.
I had Garrett’s—what, his pattern? His DNA? His morph scan, anyway. I’d made sure of that, before leaving the hospital, in case the worst happened. In case he didn’t wake up, in case he woke up and got killed again—in case there was no other option.
This was his body, after all. Originally. Sort of. He’d loaned it to me, but in the end, if it was one of us or the other, I was going to give it back. That was—that was just how it was.
But I hadn’t pulled the trigger yet. Was still hoping—
‹So ask him.›
No.
It was a vulnerability. One I’d have to deal with, eventually. But not one I wanted to call Jake’s attention to. Not yet.
‹This isn’t healthy, Tobias.›
It wasn’t. There would come a reckoning, eventually. But sometimes you had to borrow everything you could today, and let the payments come due tomorrow.
And in the meantime, there was still the question of Earth.
Earth, which I had mostly written off, but which Jake—and probably Cassie—and maybe even the Visser, come to think of it—was still clearly factoring in.
“What about the Andalites?” I said, breaking the silence. “Now that we know there’s a fast route into and out of the system—”
“No dice,” Jake said. “There’s not really an Andalite military to speak of, anymore. Visser Three’s got bodies outside the system, too.”
“What about him, then? Having him come in and clean up?”
“He could do some damage. But he’s pretty tied up, too, and there are more Howler ships here than he can handle all at once, and there are a lot more Howlers that might decide to show up if the fight starts looking—interesting.”
“What do you want to do, then?”
“Honestly?” Jake asked, looking the tiniest bit vulnerable. “My best idea was to get everyone in a room together. I mean, if this is a story—or a game, whatever—if what really matters is people’s choices, their decisions—”
He broke off, shrugged. “Maybe something shakes out of that. Maybe together we spot something none of us saw alone.”
And just like that, I had my opening.
‹Okay, but that doesn’t make me wrong. You get that, right? That-happening doesn’t change my point—›
“Garrett’s alive, by the way,” Jake said softly. “He’s on the ship with us.”
I wasn’t ready. Felt my control waver, like a vase wobbling on a tabletop—felt Maninho reach out and steady the muscles in my jaw, hold back the sudden rush of moisture to my eyes.
Thanks.
“Do you—I dunno. Want me to call for him? Send him over?”
“Would you?”
Jake straightened. I could tell he’d understood my actual question—heard all the weight and nuance I’d tried to pack into it.
After all, once Garrett was on board my ship, there was nothing stopping me from just leaving. Taking the survivors and just getting the fuck out.
It was—maybe not quite right, that I felt that way. Maybe just a little bit shy of the moral standard I was trying to live up to. There were still a lot of people on Earth, and just because it seemed like I couldn’t do anything to save them didn’t mean they should count for literally nothing, when I weighed up my possible choices. Maybe.
But then again, maybe not. There was only one person I’d actually made a promise to.
“Yes,” Jake said. Just the one word, no hedges or qualifiers.
I remembered him, standing naked in the pre-dawn light in the middle of the construction site on the day I’d taken Garrett out of Oak Landing. Remembered him ordering me to do what I’d just told him I was going to do anyway.
I don’t get how us being enemies helps anybody but the Yeerks, he’d said.
That, or something like it, anyway.
But the Yeerks weren’t the enemy anymore.
Who was? The Howlers? Visser Three? The gods themselves?
“Give me a minute to think,” I said.
Jake nodded, and the part of me that had braced itself—
—one of the parts that was bracing itself—
—relaxed, a little. Jake hadn’t said anything about there’s no time, hadn’t tried to rush, hadn’t pointed out—uselessly—that every minute we spent meant thousands more people dying. Hadn’t brought it up at all, the whole time we’d been talking.
We both knew it. We both knew it, and we both knew that focusing on it wasn’t going to do any good at all, would just add weight and stress and pressure—
‹You were going to think about something?›
I drew in a deep breath.
‹Marco,› I broadcast, routing my thought-speak through the computer. ‹Or—whatever—Magellan. You there?›
‹Yeah. You got Jake?›
‹Yeah. Quick question. Ask Visser Three how many people he has on board my ship.›
I could feel Magellan’s double-take—why are you asking if you don’t plan on trusting the answer—but all he said was ‹One sec.›
Then—
‹He says zero. He says he’s got a sleeper connection to the Chee network, checked it once Helium said you’d pinged us. That’s how he found you.›
‹Thanks.›
I wasn’t sure how my brain had made the connection, and maybe it didn’t matter, since it had been the wrong connection anyway. I’d figured that Visser Three had tracked us through his hosts—that he’d managed to sneak a couple of doombots down to Brazil, and I’d picked them up myself. I had forgotten that he’d captured Erek and five other Chee on the day he’d killed my predecessor.
Killed, or just taken.
Jake hadn’t said anything about spotting memories of torture or interrogation in Visser Three’s memories. But then, that’s kind of an awkward subject to bring up.
Hey, by the way, the original you isn’t dead yet—
Actually, come to think of it—Logan had said something about salvaged Chee technology—
I shuddered.
Those might be Erek’s bones wrapped around the Leeran pod.
‹And V3 might still be lying,› Maninho reminded.
Yeah. He might be.
But he probably wasn’t, actually. Why bother, at this point?
“Okay,” I said aloud, turning back to Jake. “Say we do a council of Elrond. Who’s involved?”
“It—it really feels like it should be everyone,” Jake said. “I can’t tell if I’m being stupid, but this feels like the last chance. With Cassie coming back—with you showing up—”
“So that’s, what—you, me, Cassie, Magellan—”
“We’ve got Marco Prime here, too.”
“Garrett, Rachel, Helium, Visser One, Visser Three. Am I forgetting anybody?”
“The Chee,” Jake said. “You’ve got some on board, right? They—they should be a part of this, too.”
“Going to be tricky, with the violence stuff.”
“We’ll figure out how to make it work. Maybe send them out of the room for parts of it, or something.”
“Well,” I said. “If we’re bringing in everybody, you can add Terra and Telor to the list, too.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up. “Telor?”
I grinned—
—noticing on some level that it was possible to grin, now—that finding out Garrett was alive had dislodged some block in the center of my chest—
“Hey,” I said. “You’re not the only one who’s been busy.”
Chapter 73: Chapter 47: Tobias (Part II)
Notes:
Pushed pretty hard to get this one out on time, so there's a higher-than-usual chance of slight tweaks and edits to the last couple of sections. I don't expect to change anything substantial, though—just little improvements here and there.
Next update should be no later than March 28th, though, and there will possibly be smaller updates sooner than that.
As always, if this story delights you, or terrifies you, or has any impact on you at all, please consider leaving a comment, or swinging by r/rational to join in the discussion there. I treasure every single word of feedback you all leave for me. <3
Chapter Text
Chapter 47 (Part II)
The woman’s face shimmered into visibility.
“Hello, Tobias,” she said, her voice soft and gentle.
“Hi,” I answered, feeling awkward. “Um—”
—you can’t just jump right in—
“—is everyone settling in all right?”
She nodded. “We have been learning how to—collaborate—with the ship’s computer. She is slow to understand, but eager to help. Already our chamber feels more like a home.”
Her lip twisted—still gentle, but with a kind of quiet, sad self-awareness. “For however long,” she added.
I felt the gravitational pull of a whole other conversation—there will be a planet that works, somewhere—decided to sidestep it.
“I need a favor,” I said, and then winced. It was always like this, talking to Terra’s—what, mouthpiece? Ambassador?
‹Mystical horse girl.›
Shut up.
I just felt—clumsy. Blunt. Inelegant. Feelings I wasn’t used to minding, my usual response to refinement being more like defiant contempt.
But Terra’s—
‹Mystical horse girl.›
—high priestess—
In the back of my mind, Maninho cackled.
Okay, fine, that wasn’t any better—
Terra’s human go-between wasn’t doing it on purpose. The elfish grace wasn’t an act. That was just how she was.
“Anything,” she said smoothly, her eyes brightening with gratitude. “With all you have done for us—you have only to say the word.”
I winced again. “It’s not—”
I faltered, started over.
“Nothing—nothing crazy,” I stammered. “Just—Yeerk pools communicate by swapping shards, right?”
* * *
We were on the clock, and we all knew it.
Not just because of the ongoing holocaust down below—Jake had explained the Visser’s little negotiating tactic, how he’d alerted the Howlers to our presence to try to force the conversation to a close. So far, the invaders hadn’t taken the bait, but at some point, they were bound to launch a raiding party, and we would have maybe half an hour of warning before they came in range.
But still, there were things to do, and those things took time, and there wasn’t any point in not taking the time, just because there was a chance we’d have to scrap everything and run.
There were the twelve shards of Terra, sealed in simple containers provided by the ship and tucked away into Jake’s morph, to be delivered to each of the mutinous coalescions. They were too small to count as anything like manipulation or mind-control—not that I would have necessarily balked at that, at this point. Just enough, hopefully, to get the rebels to stop being stupid. To give them evidence that we weren’t their enemies—at least, not exactly.
There were also preparations to be made for the actual council meeting, mostly in the form of hologram links that needed to be set up. Helium couldn’t afford to leave the bridge of the flagship, and while Telor and Terra were perfectly happy to send ambassadors over to the fleet, I wasn’t willing to leave the safety of the New Day’s Dawn. Nor could we afford to put Chee on the bridge with Helium—not if there was any chance of a combat situation developing.
It took a while, but eventually, I managed to explain to the ship what I wanted, and it separated out and individually packaged a bunch of little self-powered holo-scanner transmitters. We would meet ‘on board’ my ship, with everyone able to see and hear everyone else, even Helium.
I maneuvered the ship through the wormhole—no point in trying to maintain physical distance when Visser Three knew exactly where I was anyway—and into formation with the rest of the Yeerk fleet, dropping the transmitters into space where the others could reel them in with tractor beams.
It was—hard, being on the far side of the Z-space bubble. It made more of a difference than I would have predicted, seeing the Earth shrink to nothing, seeing the sun reduced to just another spot of light in the darkness. It was suddenly uncomfortably easy to put the whole situation in perspective—to see the loss of everyone still left behind as insignificant, in the grand scheme of things—
You mean the remaining eighty-five or ninety percent of the human species? The six-billion-or-so of them?
But that was the thing. That was it, in a nutshell—my monkey brain couldn’t handle numbers like six billion. Was surprisingly sensitive to whatever happened to be right in front of it, which right now was a way out.
The type of people who do the right thing, even if it’s hard.
But was the right thing staying behind, and fighting to the last man?
Or was it taking the goddamn hint, and saving what could be saved?
I had the Chee on board—at least a hundred of them, which seemed like enough physical power to build a pyramid in less than a day. I had two different Yeerk coalescions, both friendly to humans. I had something on the order of two thousand human collaborators, plus a quite frankly shocking variety of animals that Terra had incorporated into itself, and all of the plants and seeds and other supplies those two thousand hosts been able to gather in the hour I’d given them. I had the ship itself, which was proving itself more and more powerful by the minute.
Go, whispered my instincts. Go, and let the others take responsibility for the Earth.
Would I feel differently about that, if I was still groundside? If I were down there, watching Tobias fly away?
Maybe you should ask Magellan. Cousteau’s still down there in the Amazon, if the Howlers haven’t glassed the whole place by now.
But Magellan wouldn’t be able to give me a real answer. He could only give a Marco answer. Marco was a how guy, not a what guy.
I thought about the people I’d left behind at Oak Landing. Louis, Fletcher, Johnny and Roger. Meredith. The night caretaker, Aryano.
It wasn’t that I missed them. I hadn’t much liked them. Hadn’t trusted any of them. But I wouldn’t have left them to the Yeerks specifically. I just—hadn’t specifically tried to save them. There’d been a bigger picture.
Was this any different?
There’s a reason you found the ship. There’s a reason the Howlers landed on the wrong side of the world from Terra. That’s not vague spiritual bullshit. You know it for a fact.
But in that sense, there were reasons for everything. Once you knew it was all part of some grand design, you couldn’t use ‘there’s a reason’ as an argument anymore. It was like adding infinity to every single term of an equation.
The four of you are my primary concern, the blue avatar had said, talking to me and Jake and Marco and Cassie down in the frozen hell of the Yeerk pool. You are the bishops, the knights, the rooks. For the time being, at least, the game revolves around you—your decisions, your fate.
It had said that right after I’d asked about Garrett. Had said that as a dismissal of Garrett—that Garrett didn’t matter.
But Garrett mattered to me.
Garrett’s morals, Garrett’s values, Garrett’s tradeoffs, to use the avatar’s words. They were a part of my morals, my values, my tradeoffs. If my decisions mattered, then Garrett mattered through me.
How many random people would I sacrifice, to save Garrett?
‹Not six billion,› Maninho whispered.
No. Not six billion. Garrett—Garrett would not be okay with that.
But not zero people, either.
How many people would I have to save, to put Garrett in harm’s way?
If the default situation was now Garrett is free, he gets to fly out of here with a Pemalite ship and a hundred Chee guards—
How many lives would have to be at stake for me to change that?
Up until now, it had always been—hypothetical. Academic, sort of. Like, sure, I knew that somehow saving Ax from under the ocean translated into lives being saved. Looping in the president. Bringing in Thàn Suoros. Booting up the auxiliaries. I’d done all those things because I’d thought they would help—because I thought they’d end the war sooner, leave more people alive.
But I hadn’t ever directly had the power. Hadn’t ever had thousands of people on a ship under my total control, and the choice to either take them out of harm’s way or drag them back into the burning building with me.
‹Kind of depends on how hard the building’s burning, doesn’t it?›
It did.
It really, really did.
And from my perspective—
From my perspective, the Earth was actually a lost cause. Like, sure, maybe we could sneak in and scoop up a few thousand more refugees—at the risk of bringing a Howler fleet down on us—but was there really all that much difference between two thousand survivors and five thousand? Were three thousand extra survivors worth the risk of losing everything, when two thousand was already en—
I paused.
Enough?
Ah.
A thought occurred to me, then—a thought I would have flinched away from, before.
That’s why I don’t feel any time pressure.
Time pressure around the ongoing slaughter down on the surface, the according-to-Jake fifty million deaths taking place every hour. I wanted to stop it, yes, but—
But—
Okay, maybe I’m still flinching a little.
I steeled myself to look straight at it—to let myself acknowledge it, before prejudging whether I should or shouldn’t have thought it, and therefore whether I had or not.
I wanted to stop the slaughter, but also there was a fundamental difference between no survivors and one survivor, and it was way bigger than the difference between one survivor and two, and that cut both ways.
The human species was already beyond repair, in the sense that there would never be a return to what-had-been-normal-a-year-ago. What mattered now was the chance that they—
‹They?›
I paused again. Took a breath. Tried on the alternative, to see how it felt.
They.
There was a chance that they would be able to find their feet again, rebuild something. There could still be an Earth, ten years from now, even though it wouldn’t even remotely resemble the Earth of ten years ago.
But that chance was not particularly sensitive to fifty million more deaths here or there. By now, the Howlers had basically swept the whole globe, done their first complete pass and would soon be starting on a second. There weren’t any more cities or airbases or laboratories or manufactories to destroy. There were just people, and if we focused too hard on the difference between stopping the slaughter at six billion or five billion, if we let the individual tragedies blind us, confuse us, rush us, so that we ended up doing something stupid when we could’ve just taken a little more time to think—
Maybe.
Maybe.
It wasn’t exactly a Garrett-shaped thought. It smelled more like Marco—Marco at his worst, Marco when he was confusing if you can’t look at this, you’ll get it wrong with if you AREN’T looking at this, you ARE getting it wrong. And I wasn’t sure I believed it, myself.
But I had been thinking it. Deep down, in my subconscious. There had been a part of me that had looked at the situation on Earth, and felt—
Unrushed.
Unrushed, because the situation had reached a particular level of fucked-up that was going to last for a while—because if it was going to transition to the next level of fucked-up, past the point of all possible recovery, it wasn’t going to be in the next twenty-four hours.
Which—now that I looked straight at it—was both right and wrong. If you took ‘the human race’ as one single thing then yeah, the next fifty million deaths didn’t really matter but also the human race wasn’t one single thing, it was billions of individual things, and the question was which one was it more in this case, which lens should I be looking through—
No.
No, that’s still not the question, because either way—
Either way, if there was a solution to the Howler threat, it was not going to come from me.
It was going to be the Visser’s virus, or an outside force, or some crazy thing the human resistance cooked up.
My purpose lay elsewhere.
‹Then why are you—?›
Maninho didn’t finish the sentence. Just projected a sort of helpless gesturing feeling.
If you’re so sure, then why are you like this?
It was a good question.
It was a good question, so I thought about it. Asked myself, and waited for the answer.
And what came floating up was—
Because I don’t know what Garrett’s going to say.
Because it felt like I shouldn’t make the call without asking him. Because I was putting a lot of weight on what I thought he would think, and the real Garrett deserved a chance to second-guess.
‹You could morph him and just ask.›
No. The real Garrett.
Not the out-of-date backup copy.
The boy who’d woken up in a hospital, without me there to have his back. The one who’d lived through Visser Three’s bombing and the Howler invasion and whatever the hell else had been going on for the past week or two. The one who, Jake had said—
—briefly, as if it was somehow okay to just drop a bomb like that and then change the subject—
—had snapped and killed a room full of Hork-Bajir not two hours ago. Who had almost snapped and killed all of them.
That was the Garrett I owed something to.
That was the Garrett I wanted to talk to. To get his take and—
Don’t start flinching now.
To get his take, and to fix his take if it was wrong, it wasn’t that I thought I knew better than Garrett, it wasn’t like I thought I was always right whenever we disagreed, but also I knew him, I knew how he thought, I knew how he led himself astray, and there was a very real chance that Garrett was—that he had been broken by the events of the past couple of weeks.
‹Kind of a tightrope, no?› Maninho whispered. ‹‘I want to give him a chance to talk me out of it, unless he’s crazy in which case I’ll fix him until he agrees’?›
No. Not until he agrees. Just until he’s fixed.
And then, a second later—
Also, I’m not going to decide whether he’s crazy based on whether he agrees. It’s—it’s about the how and the why.
I knew how that sounded, from the outside. I could picture Marco’s raised eyebrows perfectly, in my mind’s eye.
But I didn’t care.
I knew what I actually meant—knew what I would actually do. And regardless of how it sounded, it was true, and it was right.
I glanced down at the palm of my hand—at the faint scar cutting across it. It was there because Garrett had put it there. Even though the whole hand had been gone, when he’d acquired me. Somehow, he had managed to force the morphing tech to regrow the hand, but leave the scar.
Probably he hadn’t even done it on purpose. Probably that was just—how my hand was, in his head. How it was supposed to be.
Listen. This is going to hurt, okay? It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to bleed, and I’m going to be hurting and bleeding, too, and that—that’s part of it. That’s the ritual. You bleed and you hurt, we both hurt, and that’s like a symbol for it, so we know it’s serious, so we don’t forget. Forever, okay? There’s gonna be a scar. We’re both gonna have scars, because we’re both making this promise and it doesn’t have an expiration date, neither one of us leaves the other one behind in this shithole, okay? I don’t leave you, and you don’t leave me. We both get out, or neither of us—
A soft chime sounded—the signal for someone trying to contact me. I looked up, surprised—
‹They said it would take at least half an hour, didn’t they?›
They had. Ten minutes for the trip over, ten minutes for the ship’s decontamination procedure—just in case—and then at least ten minutes for one of the Terran collaborators to take Garrett into the Leeran bubble and then drain back into the pool—
“Who is it?” I called out.
“No who! Just message! For you! From the flagship!”
I felt my brow furrow. “Read it.”
“Elfangor wants to talk to you!”
* * *
The hologram shimmered, sharpened, solidified.
“It’s Cassie, right?” I asked.
It had to be Cassie. No one else still had an Elfangor morph.
Although Marco might have one now.
‹Yes,› came the response. ‹Cassie is indeed the—owner—of this body. But she has receded, for the moment, leaving me in control.›
“Say hi for me, I guess.”
I studied the familiar figure, rendered in such perfect detail that I could see my own reflection in its eyes. The dark, rippling fur. The sideslung legs. The long, muscular tail. The front section—not quite a head—was reared up like a cobra, what Ax called tree-stretch, freeing the delicate, seven-fingered hands.
He looked so much like his brother. But thicker, heavier, stronger.
Sturdier.
Older.
“Why—”
I broke off, clearing my throat.
“What did you want to talk about?”
The Andalite stared at me for a long, long time—long enough that I almost began to wonder if he was nervous, somehow.
“Uh—”
‹Tobias,› he said abruptly, cutting me off. Abruptly, but also softly, a tone that would have made me lean forward slightly if he had been speaking out loud. ‹Are you…happy?›
No.
Yes.
Wait—what?
“Uh,” I repeated. “In what sense?”
The hologram of Elfangor was studying me, I realized—studying me intently, its eyes searching.
‹In the sense that matters to you,› he said.
Why? I wanted to ask.
But also—
Am I?
I felt my attention flutter nervously toward the corner of my mind where Maninho lurked, as if I were flubbing a math problem up at the whiteboard, and looking for someone to mouth the answer.
But Maninho was silent, and still. So was the image of Elfangor, both of them radiating a kind of patient, curious composure.
“Uh,” I said, for a third time.
Happy was—it was a thing I wasn’t even used to tracking. A thing I wasn’t used to paying any attention to at all.
And why is that? a tiny voice wondered.
Because they can’t take it away from you if you don’t care about it.
No, wait. That wasn’t quite right.
Because they can’t hurt you, by taking it away from you, if you don’t care about it.
I shook my head, trying to refocus—realizing only then that I was unfocused, that Elfangor’s question had caught me off guard.
“Ye—” I began, and then broke off. “N—”
I frowned.
Neither of those had felt quite right.
‹I see,› the alien murmured.
“Why are you—”
Why are you asking? And why are you asking ME? Why are you taking the time for this, in the middle of—
‹Weren’t you the one who was just thinking it was a bad idea to rush?› Maninho whispered.
To rush, yes. But this wasn’t not-rushing. This was—
Well. I could honestly say I had no idea what this was.
“Why do you want to know?” I finished.
The alien’s shoulders drooped in a way that seemed sort of sighlike. ‹I suppose if I were to say because I am curious, you would simply repeat the question. Ditto if I were to say because it matters to me.›
He paused.
My frown deepened.
“You said ‘ditto.’”
‹Yes.›
“That’s a, a, a whatchamacallit, the thing where the way you say something is, like, local—”
‹An idiom. Vernacular.›
There was an intuition tickling the back of my neck, nudging me forward. I felt myself almost thinking a thing—felt myself pointedly refusing to think it, because it was silly, laughable, indefensible—
That was silly, too, though, so I went ahead and thought it.
“When we first met,” I said slowly. “You were in a human body. A human morph.”
I tried to remember what it had looked like. It had been a male—white—late thirties, maybe? Had it had dark hair, or light hair?
Why can’t I remember what it looked like?
“You told us you’d been on Earth before,” I continued. “Said—said you’d spent a few years here.”
‹Yes.›
And Marco’s mom said that there was something fishy going on, time travel or hallucinations or alternate universes—
“Do you—did you—”
I swallowed my self-consciousness, forced my way through the embarrassment. “Have you met me? Before, I mean? Or—or some other version of me?”
It was ridiculous, which was why my brain had tried to stop me from thinking it. But it was one reason why the greatest Andalite warrior, resurrected from the dead for a mere hour or two, might take time out of his busy schedule to come talk to some random orphan while the universe blew up around us both—
‹Not quite,› he said, and I thought I detected an ocean of sadness behind the two short words, like a glimpse of a hurricane through a ship’s porthole. ‹But—I knew your mother. Or—a version of her. A woman named Loren.›
He waited.
My mother’s name was Laura, I thought.
Thought, but didn’t say. Some instinct kept me silent, kept my eyes locked on his.
‹We—›
The alien faltered.
‹There is a—a timeline, or an alternate universe—or perhaps just a madman’s fantasy. I do not know. I cannot be sure. The Ellimist—›
He broke off again. ‹I fathered a child, once. A human child, with a human woman—a woman I loved, and yet love. A woman who saved my life. And that child’s name was Tobias, and he lived in Ventura County, and—›
He fell silent a third time, and when he spoke again, his tone was suddenly tighter, stronger, more controlled. ‹I apologize,› he said. ‹It is not right to burden you with details—not right, and not relevant. Nor should you bear the weight of my—my expectations. You do not owe me anything—›
“Wait,” I cut in. “That’s not true.”
The alien’s eyes crinkled in an Andalite smile. ‹You may bear some debt of gratitude to the ghost of Elfangor,› he admitted. ‹And I may certainly qualify as such. But doubtless that ghost is also responsible for much you would have preferred to avoid. Pain, and fear, and loss.›
I wasn’t sure what this conversation was. It was dizzying, directionless, the ground shifting and lurching under me. But I knew what to say in response to that.
“So?”
I might have imagined it. It was the sort of thing it’s easy to trick yourself into seeing when it isn’t really there. But it seemed like the alien straightened a little. Stood just the tiniest bit taller.
Like a human would, if that human was feeling proud.
‹As you say,› he murmured, and fell silent.
The seconds ticked by.
If it’s true, whispered some part of me. If he really was your father, in some alternate timeline—
No. Screw that. Just based on what he’d done for me in this timeline—
“Give me a second,” I said. “Please. I—I’d like to try to answer for real.”
Elfangor nodded.
Are you happy?
There was the first answer, the knee-jerk answer—I haven’t been happy in a long, long time.
Then a backup, waiting just behind the first—look around. What do you think?
But both of those were patterns, clichés—how I was supposed to feel, how I imagined anybody would feel, in my shoes. A cardboard cutout of an answer.
I felt my lips twitch upward in a crooked smile. I’d learned this lesson already, more than once. But it was surprising how easy it was to slip back into old habits, even after you’d figured out a better way.
I’d learned that lesson more than once, too.
“I think,” I began, and then hesitated.
‹Go on,› Maninho urged. ‹I mean, that’s the real answer, isn’t it?›
“I think that happiness isn’t the right question,” I said, turning to face the alien more fully. “I think that happiness—it—it comes and goes, and—it doesn’t really have much to do with—”
With the days I’d choose to relive over and over, if the Ellimist or whoever gave me the chance.
“I think there are a lot of things that matter to me more than whether or not I’m happy,” I continued, my voice growing more firm. “Because happiness—I don’t know. For one, it’s pretty easy for them to take it away from you. For another, it’s—it seems kind of hollow, if you’re chasing straight after it. Like—if you’re just trying to do whatever makes you happy, it seems kind of—backwards—like people who chase after respect instead of, I don’t know, actually becoming respectable—”
I faltered. I was doing an incredibly bad job of finding the right words and putting them in order—
‹He doesn’t care.›
It was true. Elfangor’s eyes were fixed on mine, his stalks motionless, his body language practically screaming you have my full attention.
“I don’t have—a lot of regrets,” I said. “Mostly just little things. I’d change—I wouldn’t change any of the big stuff. I—have you met Garrett?”
Elfangor nodded.
“I wouldn’t trade him. Which means I wouldn’t trade Oak Landing. And—I’d rather be—I wouldn’t want you to have picked somebody else, unless—unless it would have worked out better for everybody, I guess—”
I broke off again. What was I actually trying to say?
“I think—if we make it out of here—if Garrett comes out okay, if we survive this, him and me and enough people to start over somewhere—I think there will be a lot of days when I’ll be happy,” I said. “I think—I don’t think there’ve been very many days at all when I wished I wasn’t alive. And I think—”
I swallowed. This part was harder. Not because it wasn’t true—if anything, it was the part that rang the most true.
But because the way the alien was looking at me—
I wasn’t used to being looked at like that.
Like it mattered.
Like what I was about to say was going to make a difference to him.
It was—
A lot of responsibility.
“I think I’m proud of what I’ve done,” I said. “I think it—I think that I—that I helped, some. That it made a difference that I was there. That it was me. I think I’ve made things better, a little, and that—”
That’s all you can ask for.
It wasn’t. Not really. You could ask for plenty. You could ask for money. For parents. For not having to make the call between dying in a hopeless war or running off into the unknown with nothing but survivors and scraps.
But it was enough.
“Yeah,” I said, to the ghost of Elfangor—to the alien warrior who’d found us, who’d saved us. I reached out, laced my fingers through—
—the hologram’s—
—through his.
“I’m happy,” I said. “Or at least, I will be once my little brother gets here.”
* * *
Marco did a double take, same as Jake. Unlike Jake, though, Marco couldn’t resist. Or chose not to, anyway.
“So Garrett’s the top, then? I’ve wondered.”
I sighed.
Jake’s face didn’t twitch. “Can these holograms punch?” he asked, his voice level.
I twiddled a control. “They can now.”
Jake swung. Marco ducked.
Quietly, I reset the system back to non-solid.
They’re in different rooms, then.
“Cassie’s going to be a few minutes,” Jake said. “She’s getting set up to—I guess you’d say re-download—all of Elfangor’s memories from the past hour, so he won’t be starting up from scratch again. Rachel is—not coming.”
I glanced down at the small figure curled up on the floor beside me, hidden from the others behind a holographic invisibility cloak. He was motionless except for the rise and fall of shallow breathing, one arm wrapped tight around my calf, the other holding the thick blanket closed over his head.
“Garrett’s out, too,” I said.
Jake nodded. “Helium will be at the meeting proper, but he doesn’t have any spare cycles to help with planning or setup, not that we’re doing much. Magellan will be there, too, representing Visser One and the Marclones, but right now he’s sitting on Visser Three.”
“So Marco’s the bottom, then?” I murmured.
Marco stuck his tongue out.
Jake’s eyes traced around the wide, brightly lit meadow. “So that makes the three of us, Cassie, Helium, Magellan, V3—”
“Telor and Terra each agreed to send a representative,” I said. “And there’ll be a Chee hologram, too.”
“Can we cut that one in and out?”
“Yeah. They’re already expecting it. They can cut themselves out, too, and back in, unless I’ve overridden. I gave them a link with the ship’s computer that’ll let them sort of half-listen, so they can tell when it’s safe to pop back in.”
“Wait,” said Marco. “How does that work?”
“The link? They’re basically plugged in to the shipwide wifi—”
“No, no, I mean—how can they tell whether there’s stuff going on that they shouldn’t listen to, without listening to it? Like, isn’t the whole problem that if they become aware of violence, or—or intent to cause violence, they have to do something about it?”
I glanced back at the clock on the console, debated briefly whether this was the right moment to go into detail.
Short version.
“The Chee anti-violence stuff—it’s not really like a clean system,” I explained. “Actually, the Chee themselves aren’t really a clean system. They’re pretty hacked-together. Not finished. They were still in development when the Howlers—”
I paused, shook my head, started over. “Basically, there’s like three different systems working together to enforce the pacifism thing. Three, or four, depending how you count. And one of them is a kind of—fuzzy causality module? Like—like they’re all wearing blurred glasses, or something. It stops them from thinking too clearly about X leading to Y leading to Z, sort of limits them to what’s right in front of them. Stops them from noticing stuff that they’d have to do something about, off in the distance. That’s how they hunker down during wars and genocides and stuff.”
“A don’t-think-about-it app,” Marco quipped.
“Yeah. So they can check in on the conversation every few seconds and just sort of, I dunno, read the vibe? And they can tell from that whether it’s too hot to really pay attention to.”
“How do you know all this?” Jake asked.
“This ship—it came out of the same lab that the Chee came out of. Like, the same company, or whatever the Pemalites had instead of companies. The computer has all sorts of notes and logs and records and plans and stuff. Prototypes. Some history and news, too. There’s a lot of it—I spent a whole day reading up on just the Chee and barely scratched the surface.”
I’d been trying to figure out what they wanted—why they’d given me the key to the ship in the first place, what they expected me to do with it. And then—later, when everything started to go to shit—whether or not it was a good idea to bring any of them along.
Satisfied, Jake nodded. “Would like to poke around in there later, if we get the chance,” he said softly. “Meanwhile, thanks to the shards you sent over, the other coalescions in the fleet have calmed down a bit. They nominated one of the pools to be their speaker, and are sending a Hork-Bajir.”
I counted. “So that’s eleven, if we don’t count Visser One.”
“We should. In fact, we should count Cassie and Elfangor separately, too, so there’s thirteen. Every little bit helps.”
‹Hey, what about me?› Maninho play-pouted.
You’re Terra and you know it, I shot back.
Out loud, I asked, “That’s what the Yeerks call their government, right? The Council of Thirteen?”
Jake nodded again.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“No plan,” he said, sounding tired. “No plan, no goal. I just figured it might be worth it to put our heads together for like ten minutes before everyone else shows up. See if we can think of anything to stop this being a total cl—”
He broke off, turning to look over his shoulder at nothing.
Something back on his ship.
“Well, that was a free square on the bingo card,” he muttered darkly. “Visser Three just reported Howlers on the way. From deep space, not coming up from Earth. I guess they’re clever enough to know we’d spot them lifting off the surface.”
“How many?” I asked, just as Marco said “How long?”
“Ninety-seven minutes,” Jake answered. “He says—another hundred ships, give or take. Maybe a seventh as many as made it through the mines in the first place.”
“So like a one percent reinforcement overall.”
“Oh, and they’re aimed at us, not the planet.”
“Tracking us?” I asked sharply.
Jake shrugged. “V3 says no. And his host in Howler morph is nowhere near here, and he’s confident there’s no information leaking in the other direction. We’re just in the obvious spot.”
He sent his gaze drifting around the chamber again. “You up for shifting positions with us?” he asked. “If we need to move the fleet out of danger?”
I glanced down again at Garrett. Ever since the moment he’d come on board, I’d had the Chee ship ready for immediate Z-space jump, direction and duration random. I’d felt stupid for not setting it up earlier, though to be fair things would be worse right now if I’d hyperspaced away from Jake when he showed up with the Leeran.
“Sure,” I said easily. “But—won’t we lose contact with the Bug fighters inside the bubble? The lookouts?”
“Not if we stay on a straightline vector. Or leave another fighter just outside, as a relay.”
“Makes it a lot easier to find us,” Marco warned. “And they’ll blow up the fighters once they get here, right?”
“Yeah,” Jake said. “So we have a time limit. A hard one, if we want to keep the pilots of those fighters alive.”
‹Interesting ‘if,’› Maninho murmured.
I gave an inward shrug. “If this conversation goes on longer than an hour, we’re in trouble anyway,” I said.
I didn’t explain, and neither of them asked.
Probably because there are like four different reasons, each of which is more than enough all by itself.
“So what are we doing, then?” I pressed. “I mean, if there’s no plan—”
“I don’t know,” Jake admitted. “I get that you’re gone, no one’s trying to stop you—”
“None of us, anyway,” Marco added.
“—right, none of us, and probably none of the Yeerks, though it seems like you could give the whole fleet a run for their money if you had to. And obviously no one can make Visser Three do anything, either, but he really does seem to be along for the ride. So it’s mostly just—figuring out where everyone’s going, I guess.”
“The options being stay or go?”
Jake shook his head. “Not quite. So far, we have go-with-Tobias or go-with-the-Yeerk-fleet, I think. We, uh—”
His eyes flickered toward Marco, and he looked as if he was very deliberately not wincing. “We decided that the Yeerks should get control of their ships back—”
Marco held up his fingers and made air quotes.
“—most of them, anyway. It’s not like a few ships makes a big difference to them, and it’s not like an entire fleet would make a difference to us. We’re going to hold on to one pool ship and a full complement of fighters; Helium can handle that much alone if he has to.”
“And everybody else is leaving?”
“I don’t know, but they staged a revolt to stop us from even maybe going down into the hot zone, so it seems like a safe bet. There’s the question of whether you’re headed in the same direction—did you get the maps?”
I nodded.
“And there’s a question whether we’re headed in the same direction as either of you. We’re still split on whether or not to swing by the Mars base and pick up the—people—there.”
“And the Howlers?”
“No answers there.”
Marco’s face twisted. “Well, there’s one answer, but it’s been outla—”
“Can it, Marco. You can bring it up once everybody gets here. Which is when, again?”
I touched the console with a finger. “About five minutes from now. Or at least, that’s what we told them originally. We can push it back if we need to.”
Jake shook his head sadly. “I don’t think an extra ten minutes is worth the extra ten million lives,” he said softly. “Are you controlling the—”
He broke off as the air began to shimmer, the image of Cassie solidifying in between him and Marco.
“Oh,” she said softly. “What happened?”
I sighed. “It looks worse than it really is,” I grumbled, my fingers brushing self-consciously across the swollen lump over my cheekbone. I could still taste blood where my lip had split, and there were a handful of scratches that Cassie and the others couldn’t see.
“Was that—did Garrett—”
“Yes,” I said flatly.
I wasn’t quite sure why I was annoyed. I could have just had the ship fix it. Could have had the ship hide it, at least—mask it so none of them would see. If I didn’t want them to comment on it, that is.
But—
I don’t know. There was approximately zero chance that anyone would get the message I was trying to send. But I didn’t want to hide it. I didn’t want to fix it. I didn’t want to pretend like it was shameful, or embarrassing—like it somehow wasn’t okay, or worse, like it somehow hadn’t happened.
It had happened, and it was okay. Or at least, the not-okayness had nothing to do with a couple of bruises on my face. This was the natural outcome—the inevitable outcome of everything we’d put him through, and it was far, far, far better for him to—to have someplace to put it, than for him to just try to swallow it all himself.
I wanted them to see the aftermath. To see it, and know what it meant. And I wished—even though I knew it was unreasonable—on some level I wished that the whole thing would be obvious to them. Self-explanatory. That I wouldn’t have to answer questions, translate the message into mouthwords. I wanted them to just get it.
‹Asking a lot,› Maninho whispered.
Yeah. It was.
But also I didn’t want to stop asking a lot. Didn’t want to unlearn the reflex that had me reaching for it automatically, even when I knew on some level that it was hopeless, that Jake and Marco and Cassie didn’t really speak my language.
‹Unstated expectations are premeditated resentments.›
Where the hell did you pull that from?
‹Dunno. Might’ve been a fortune cookie.›
Anyway, Cassie—well, I don’t know if she took the hint, but she took a hint, and dropped it, sparing one last, sympathetic look in my direction before turning to Jake.
“Should I morph now?” she asked.
Jake’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Go ahead.”
“Also hi, by the way,” I said belatedly. “Welcome—welcome back.”
She gave a little half-smile. “Hi, Tobias. Good to see you again.”
Then her mouth melted away.
“Aaaaanyway,” Marco said. “Everybody’s just showing up all at once in four minutes, or—”
“I can stagger the arrivals,” I said. “If we want.”
The three of us looked at each other. It was suddenly extremely obvious that none of us had ever hosted an interplanetary diplomatic summit before.
Jake heaved a sigh. “No,” he said. “Just blink everybody in at the same time. But—can you mute them?”
“Yeah,” I replied, reaching out to the console. “Easy.”
“All right. Let me talk first.”
“What are you going to say?” Marco asked.
“I honestly have no idea.”
He fell silent—we all did, the only sound the grinding and squelching of Cassie’s body rearranging itself, rendered faithfully in high fidelity by the hologram tech. The seconds ticked by.
‹Prince Jake.›
Jake’s head whipped around. “Heli—”
He broke off, his jaw snapping shut with a click.
“I’m not a prince, Elfangor,” he said quietly. “Were you?”
There was an interesting quality to his tone—a conspicuous lack of deference, almost exactly the way he sounded when talking to Marco.
The alien’s stalk eyes swayed and dipped. ‹‘On her advice he therefore signified to the Senate that the title Augustus would be agreeable to him.’›
“What?”
Elfangor gave a small shake of his head. ‹Nothing,› he said. ‹I meant no offense. I was wondering—do you know where you yourself are headed? You, and—›
He paused.
You and the others?
Four names written in fire—Jake Berenson, Marco Levy, Tobias Yastek, Cassie Withers.
‹Or rather,› he began again, ‹do you have hopes, pending the outcome of the discussion?›
“Seems a little early for that.”
The alien blinked, all four eyes together. ‹For hopes?›
Jake said nothing.
A small light appeared on the console. “One minute.”
‹Jake Berenson,› Elfangor said, the last name pronounced like a title. ‹Might I speak first, in your council? Not—not first, but—once you have concluded the opening ceremonies.›
Jake’s eyes didn’t narrow. They just—looked, dull and tired and empty.
“Why?” he asked, sounding as if he was only doing it because he thought he was supposed to. “What do you want to say?”
‹My piece,› the alien said simply.
Jake looked at Marco.
Marco shrugged.
Jake looked at me.
“Is he here for some other reason?” I asked.
Come on, Jake, snap out of it.
“Fine,” he said heavily. “Not like there’s any kind of status quo for you to mess with.”
We waited as the last few seconds ticked by. Then, at almost the last possible moment, a sudden impulse seized me.
“Know victory,” I said.
Jake’s eyes locked with mine—
And then the others arrived.
Seven other bodies, all spread out, completing a wide, comfortable circle. Eleven in total, counting my own, representing anywhere between thirteen and two dozen individual minds, depending on how you wanted to draw the boundaries.
“Hi,” Jake said immediately, as heads turned and eyes spread across thousands of miles of space took in the holographic scenery. “Thank you for coming.”
He raised a hand. “Jake Berenson,” he said evenly. “Leader of the Animorphs.”
He pointed.
“Marco Levy, also of the Animorphs.”
His arm shifted. “Magellan Levy, of the Animorphs, current host to Edriss five-six-two of the Sulp Niar pool, representative of the Yeerk military and government, rank Visser One.”
Shift.
“Cassie Withers, of the Animorphs, serving as—conduit—for warrior Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, of the Andalites.”
Shift.
“Tobias Yastek, of the Animorphs.”
Shift.
“Hyruk,” Jake said, pointing now at the hulking shape of the Hork-Bajir controller. “Also representing the Yeerk species, specifically the coalescions of this fleet.”
Shift.
“Conceição, representing the collaborative coalescion of Terra.”
‹So that’s her name,› Maninho whispered. I ignored him.
“Peter Levy, representing the coalescion of Telor Reborn.”
Wait. Peter Levy?
I shot a glance at Marco, whose face was a mask, giving nothing away.
“Helium, formerly Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Perdão of Terra, collectively representing the third path.”
I suppressed the urge to whistle. If Jake was actually making all of this up on the fly, he was doing a damn good job—
“Logan, representing the Chee—”
The android spoke, its lips moving soundlessly.
“Hang on,” I cut in. I moved a finger—
“Try now.”
“And the dogs,” the android repeated.
Jake nodded acknowledgement, then shifted his arm to point at the final figure, an unassuming man who looked to be in his early forties. “And Han Pritcher,” he said. “Current unwilling host to a shard of Visser Three, formerly war-prince Alloran-Semitur-Corass and Esplin nine-four-double-six of the Cirran coalescion.”
A faint rustle of apprehension swept the circle, all those who hadn’t known which host carried the Visser—an eclectic mix of emotions, fear and fascination and apprehension and hate. But no one spoke. Jake still had the floor—still held the floor, commanding silence by the set of his shoulders and the line of his jaw, every hint of exhaustion and despair now buried.
“This council is being recorded,” he intoned, and I scrambled quietly to confirm—I was pretty sure the ship recorded everything, but he didn’t know that, plus I had no idea how the recordings were stored or how I could call them back up—
‹No worries!› the ship shouted into my mind.
“—for the sake of all who come after. It is our first opportunity to cooperate, in the face of—”
Brief, so brief the flicker, his eyes darting toward the man he’d labeled Han Pritcher, so quickly that I genuinely wasn’t sure whether I’d imagined it.
“—a greater enemy.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “We are here to determine our next moves, against the threat of the Howlers, and in light of the situation on Earth. Everyone in this council will have a chance to speak, if they want it. None in this council—”
Again the flicker—this time for sure.
“—may command any other. Agreements will be reached by consensus, and mutual—agreement—”
My eyes shot toward Marco’s face just in time to catch the twitch.
“—or not at all. Any one of us may leave this council at any time. The first speaker will be Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul.”
And with that, he promptly sat down, leaving the rest of us blinking in the sudden, abrupt silence.
Elfangor—Cassie—took a half-step forward, drawing the eyes of the circle.
‹I am known to all of you,› he began simply.
Quietly, Maninho placed the knowledge into my memory.
The Beast. The Vanarx. The blade that falls without warning.
That was how the Yeerks in the circle knew Elfangor—Terra, and Telor, and Hyruk. As a shadow in the dark, a legendary nightmare. Their siblings went out, and all that came back was silence.
‹I am not, properly speaking, a member of this council,› he continued. ‹I am a memory, a remnant, a revenant—dead for some time now, at the hands of the Visser.›
All the eyes turned in the obvious direction. The Visser’s stolen face remained blank.
‹I am here at the request of Cassie Withers, to whom I will soon cede control of this body. I have but one point to make, and I beg you each to listen.›
Glances around the circle. The Andalite warrior reared higher, then higher still, his silhouette becoming almost centaur-like.
‹If you meet a sudden stranger in the wilderness,› Elfangor said, ‹you may be startled, and act from fear, with violence. A tail-blade to the throat, a stone to crush the skull.›
The hologram representing the Chee, Logan, winked out.
Elfangor didn’t pause. ‹Thus, you think, you may become safe again. Yet the stranger’s companions, finding the body, track you back to your camp, and fall upon you in the night. Thus, they think, they become safe again.›
The alien’s stalks swiveled, his eyes tracing around the circle, holding each person for a brief moment before moving on. ‹Yet true security is costly. There is an event horizon to safety, a half-life to invested self-interest. The strong overpower the weak. The weak band together to bring down the strong. In fear, both build walls, weapons. They hone their martial skills, spend ever-greater portions of their spare attention and energy on war, and the prevention of war. And in the end, no relative improvement. Just as the faster predator forces the evolution of faster prey, which forces the evolution of faster predators in turn. Untold resources spent—untold calories dedicated to the growth of absurd musculature, only to remain in the same tired stalemate.›
He turned, fixed all four of his eyes briefly on the Visser. ‹Waste,› he said, with heavy emphasis. ‹Waste.›
The Visser’s face was still blank, but his own eyes had sharpened. Around the circle, everyone else was silent, and attentive.
‹Violence begets violence,› Elfangor continued. ‹The threat of violence encourages preemptive violence. Each, feeling unsafe, takes actions that necessarily lead others to feel unsafe, and so the cycle feeds itself. There are only two ways out.›
He turned again, this time toward Marco. ‹The first—total victory. If all else is dust and ash, then truly nothing can threaten you, and you may walk the final wasteland alone and safe. But that path requires total victory—in a universe with quantum viruses, with Z-space bombardment, with who knows what horrors yet to be devised, even a single survivor may be the seed of one’s destruction. Any individual willing to wreak unlimited violence is infinitely vulnerable to unlimited violence wrought in return—his stalks may never rest, who does not know how to make peace.›
He turned once more, this time toward Terra’s host, the ethereal Amazonian woman. ‹But there is another option,› he said gravely. ‹Relinquishment. One may make a sacrifice of one’s own freedom to destroy—may choose not to lift a weapon ready-made. So long as you and the stranger each reserve the right to defend yourselves with violence, each must ultimately guard against that same violence in turn. But if you set that option aside—if you bind yourself to lesser strategies, lesser vengeances—›
The alien paused, seeming to search for words.
‹The cynic will mistake my meaning. I do not propose a vulnerable naïveté—civilization is not a unilateral act. The language of violence is not well-answered by the language of peace. I simply gesture toward what may be reclaimed if both sides switch to the language of peace together. If the hemorrhage is staunched, the cycle of wasteful expenditure sidestepped. If the resources that each side would have burned, one for one for one for one, may be spent elsewhere. If the branching tree of cooperative endeavor is not ripped from the soil before it has the chance to flower—two together may accomplish things infinitely beyond the reach of one and one, apart and wary.›
He spread his hands, as if to encompass the entire circle, one stalk focused on the Visser, the other now turning to gaze at Jake. ‹But none of it is possible unless the sacrifice is credible,› he insisted. ‹The relinquishment must be genuine, the abstention unimpeachable. Else, the futile race goes underground, and begins again, more covertly. It must be clear that there are things you will not do, and there is only one way to prove that—the hard way. By not doing them, even when you could. Even when, perhaps, a sane and sober calculation tells you that you should.›
He lowered his hands again. ‹I do not presume to tell you that you should not raise your tails against the Howlers,› he said softly. ‹It would be—a little much, coming from one who has dealt so much death as I. Yet if I am not allowed to learn the lessons of my own mistakes, and pass them along—›
He broke off, gave an eerily human shrug. ‹I simply wish to help make Cassie’s point, that it is not an act without consequences. To defend oneself so vigorously—to employ a weapon of unlimited power and scope—to kill every Howler everywhere with only the barest attempt at parlay—it is not just you and the Howlers, in this wilderness. There are others watching—judging—waiting to see whether they should treat you as those who would, or those who would not. And the distinction matters, to them. There are different rules for each. The protections of a peace treaty only hold for those who abide by its terms.›
“We’re not even planning to use the damn virus,” Marco broke in, his voice brittle.
‹Yet,› the alien replied. ‹You are not planning to use it yet. I wager it would have come up—that it might still, even now. You were willing to use it once already, and were stopped only by a literal miracle. You yet retain the freedom to use it—are restrained only by your unwillingness.›
Elfangor turned back to the Visser—
—to the human slave the Visser is using as a puppet—
—held the man’s gaze with his main eyes as his stalks continued their slow sweep around the circle.
‹It is that unwillingness which I am seeking to strengthen,› he said. ‹Think what tragedies might have been avoided, if Cirran had not been willing to tear you apart. If you had not been driven to desperation by her willingness to unmake you—not been forced to meet threat with threat—if you could instead have trusted her to choose the path of self-restraint. It is no idle analogy, Visser.›
I shivered.
The whole point is for you to be placed into situations where your decisions are philosophically relevant. Situations where you are free to choose—where the constraints on your choices are primarily your constraints—your morals, your values, your tradeoffs.
That’s what the little blue avatar had said—the little blue avatar that was almost certainly responsible for Cassie’s resurrection, for Cassie and Elfangor even being here to make this plea in the first place. I would have called it cheating, except—
Well. Except that it was still just words. There were still choices to be made, and me and Jake and Marco—
—and the Visser, I realized with another chill, there was nothing saying that it was just our choices—
—we were all still free to decide. As free as anyone ever was, anyway.
“Counterpoint,” Marco growled. “Fifty million humans an hour. This is not a hard question.”
‹An oversimplification,› Elfangor countered. ‹Whether to respond at all is not a hard question. I do not deny your right to self-defense. But there are varying degrees of response. The vast, vast majority of all Howlers are not here.›
“Yeah, because they’re off genociding a bunch of other species.”
‹It is not your place to avenge every wrong done within the universe. A fact which your present company indicates you well understand.›
He swiveled a stalk eye pointedly back and forth between Marco and the Visser. Marco’s face darkened. The Visser’s remained catlike.
‹In any event,› he said, his voice softening again, ‹the point is made. I leave you now to consider it, along with everything else.›
Gracefully, the alien stepped back into his place in the circle, his blue fur already beginning to melt and run together, darkening toward chestnut. I felt a strange impulse to shout something—to catch his attention before he vanished forever—
‹Forever?›
—realized only then that I had been fully convinced, on some wordless level, that I was going to leave this council and head in another direction, and never run into Cassie or Jake or Marco or the others ever again.
Around the circle, the other faces were clouded, closed-off, thoughtful. No one seemed to want to be the first to break the silence.
‹So,› Maninho whispered. ‹What do you think?›
I blinked.
Somehow, I had been holding myself apart from the issue—looking at it from the perspective of a non-participant, a member of the audience. Maninho’s casual question sparked a sudden, confusing tangle of reactions—
I don’t think.
Wait, seriously?
That’s the whole point of getting the fuck out of here, is not having to deal with this—
Wait, SERIOUSLY?
—all in a flash, skepticism and recalcitrance and recrimination and sheepishness overlapping and mixing and bouncing off one another. I—contained it, sort of—was both caught up in it and also on some level still aloof, still watching, a kind of huh, that’s interesting as the rest of my brain tried to go in six directions at once.
‹I’m pretty sure—› Maninho began, and then broke off, radiating a sort of timid tiptoe delicacy.
Oh, come on.
‹I’m pretty sure Garrett would say you don’t get to not-have-an-opinion, here,› Maninho said reluctantly.
I glanced down at the blanketed shape still clutching my leg.
I was getting there just fine myself, thank you very much.
Maninho said nothing, in a very what do you want from me? sort of way.
I sighed.
But thanks for the reminder.
There was movement in the corner of my eye, and I looked up to see Jake stepping forward, his face grim.
“Who would like to speak next?” he asked.
Magellan raised his hand, and Jake nodded.
“I don’t have much to add,” the Marco clone said, a slight tremor in his voice. “I just wanted to say that—well, while we’ve been sitting here talking—Cousteau just died. My—my brother. Down in Brazil. The Howlers—just now—”
I felt the blood draining from my face.
“It wasn’t pretty,” Magellan finished.
There was a heavy silence.
“Visser,” said Conse—
Conse—Consay—
‹Conceição.›
“—can you be persuaded to intervene on the situation on Earth? With the broader resources at your disposal?”
Her tone was soft, her words precisely chosen. Can you be persuaded…
“I am afraid not,” the man said dryly. “One must not eat one’s seed corn, after all. And while I admire the…tidiness…of a solution in which the Howlers and I destroy one another, I’m afraid I find them more interesting as a potential future resource.”
Anger flashed around the circle—flashed, and was tightly controlled.
“Why are you here?” Marco’s dad bit out. “What—what purpose—”
“Why are you here, Telor?” the Visser asked mildly. “I would have assumed that, having escaped death once already, you would not be inclined to risk it again.”
“Telor didn’t escape,” Marco’s dad growled. “She sacrificed herself. And it worked.”
The Visser sighed theatrically. “Why are you here, descendent-of-Telor-who-is-genetically-identical-and-also-possessed-of-all-the-same-memories-and-personality-traits-but-is-definitely-a-different-person?”
“We are here to save what can be saved,” Conceição cut in. “All else can wait.”
I raised my hand. “Is the idea that—I don’t know, that the Howlers can be—re-educated, or something? Turned back to the light side of the Force?”
“We don’t know that they can’t,” Cassie said sharply. “If we haven’t even tried—”
“I’ve tried,” the Visser remarked. “Am still trying, at this very moment.”
“No offense,” Marco said, “but you’re not exactly the first person I’d choose as an ethics teacher.”
“The Pemalites tried,” I countered. “They—sorry, does everybody here know about the Pemalites?”
The Hork-Bajir controller shook its head.
“I—okay, well—”
‹Skip it,› Maninho advised.
“They were some extremely kind and patient and empathetic and non-violent aliens,” I said. “So non-violent that they let themselves be exterminated without ever taking a single Howler life. They tried for almost a whole year to get through to the Howlers, while the Howlers—got through to them. It didn’t work.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not sure we should exactly be using them as our template, here,” Marco said, a sneer creeping in at the edges of his voice. “Maybe if they’d given the Howlers reason to listen, they would have had a better chance of being heard.”
“The point is, if we’re not trying to negotiate with them—”
“There are other pathways, besides negotiation,” the Visser interrupted. “Memetic corruption, via their shared memory. Or infestation. The morphing tech has demonstrated that their bodies are susceptible to control.”
There was a brief silence.
“The morphing tech,” Marco said flatly.
The Visser smirked.
“Visser,” Jake began, his tone cautious. “How many Howler bodies do you control at this exact moment?”
“Only twelve,” the Visser replied easily. “The shared memory makes it an…interesting challenge. I’ve infested one hundred eighty-seven so far, but the Howlers enjoy battling their controlled siblings every bit as much as they enjoy murdering humans, and they have little trouble finding them, you see.”
“Is this conversation worth hundreds of thousands of lives?” Magellan cut in. “What are we going to do?”
“Do you plan on going down to the surface yourself?” the Visser asked.
“What? No.”
“Do any of you?”
There was another silence, longer and heavier this time. I felt motion down by my foot, glanced down to see that Garrett had sat up and uncovered his head, was watching the circle with wary eyes.
“This is the crux of the matter,” the Visser continued. “It is easy to sit back and insist that something should be done. It is harder by far to actually do it.”
“The preservation of our way of life—” Conceição began, but then the Visser cut her off.
“You don’t have to convince me,” he said. “I’m simply wondering—if you’ve all already decided to abandon system, why the hand-wringing? Is it simply to make yourselves feel better? Would this time perhaps be better spent choosing a destination? Plotting a course?”
Jake frowned. “At the very least, we’re going to rescue the people on your Mars base.”
“Uh,” I said. “About that.”
All eyes turned toward me.
“I was just wondering—I mean, if I’m understanding the timeline right, originally you were going to go get them because you didn’t have any humans, right? To start a colony somewhere else? But that was before I showed up.”
Garrett’s head swiveled to look up at me, his face flat and unreadable.
The right thing, buddy. Even if it’s hard.
“I’ve got like two thousand people on board, here. There’s—what—another thousand, on Mars? Is that—worth the risk? If the Howlers see us, and come for us?”
I steeled myself to look over at Cassie—braced myself for a withering glare—but she didn’t look mad or disgusted or shocked or disappointed. She didn’t even look sad, exactly. Just—thoughtful. Weighing.
And tired. Like we all were.
‹She’s not naïve, you know,› Maninho whispered. I could feel him leafing through my memories, looking back at our last conversation, in the frozen hellscape of the Yeerk pool.
Yeah, I know.
Her whole deal was trying to help sick and injured animals. Dying ones, half the time. She’d been facing up to harsh realities for years.
‹We can accomplish the extraction in just under an hour, assuming the Visser’s cooperation,› Helium said, speaking up for the first time. ‹The Howlers would have to notice and respond within the first fifteen minutes, to reach us before that time. None of their previous movements have indicated that level of alertness. And a partial extraction would still be better than nothing.›
“Okay, let me be clearer, then,” I said. “I’m not risking my ship, for that.”
I looked around the circle, meeting their eyes one by one. “I’m sorry if that sounds—if that’s cold,” I said. “But I’ve got a lot of refugees, here. I’m not planning on going double-or-nothing when I’m already ahead.”
“We’ll go get them,” Jake declared quietly. “Our ship. We’ll take the risk.”
He locked eyes with Marco, the two of them seeming to wrestle wordlessly for a long moment.
Or they’re just thought-speaking at each other.
“Fine,” Marco said. “So Tobias takes off with Terra and Telor, we head off to Mars, the fleet goes—where?”
“Fleet leave,” the Hork-Bajir controller grunted. “Not safe.”
“And—what—we just say fuck it to what’s going on down on Earth? See you later, not our problem? Last I checked, our mission statement was to save as many humans as we could.”
“As many as we can, Marco,” I said softly. “There’s no rule saying that has to be a big number.”
“There’s got to be something—”
“There doesn’t have to be anything,” the Visser cut in.
The conversation was unraveling, the slow dignity leftover from Elfangor’s speech burning away, leaving behind tired bickering, pointless point-scoring—
“Then what the hell are we all doing here?”
“What we can,” Conceição murmured.
“Fuck outta here with that stoic hippie bullshit, they are burning people alive down there—"
I felt a growing sense of unreality—realized it had been building for a while, like I was only just waking up to the fact that it was all a dream—
What the hell are we all doing here?
They continued to argue, Jake and Marco and Cassie and the Visser, wheels spinning in mud.
Why haven’t we—
I frowned.
What was it the avatar had said?
The obstacle presented by Visser Three’s ambition is the game. For us to undo it ourselves would be to abandon the contest entirely.
The obstacle presented by Visser Three’s ambition—
We had solved that one, hadn’t we? He was here with us now, playing along—
I stiffened.
Playing along.
That was how Jake had described it.
And that’s how it felt to me, too—not the Visser, but me—like I was marking time, waiting for the cut scene to end—
Something else is supposed to happen. If we had—if we were already finished—
We would know, wouldn’t we?
I looked over at the Visser’s host body, caught his eye for a moment. He didn’t wink, or twitch a smile, or anything. Just stared back, expressionless, giving nothing away.
There was something like panic rising inside me—panic, or maybe dread, a weird indefensible certainty that something was coming—
My finger hovered over the jump button, the preprogrammed command that would take the Pemalite ship out of here at faster-than-light speed, in a random, unpredictable direction—
A light flashed on the console, and my heart skipped a beat.
You can’t outrun a god.
Reaching out, I made contact with the computer.
‹Chee requesting permission for multiple holograms!›
‹What?› I blurted. ‹How ma—why?›
‹Didn’t say!›
I twiddled a control. ‹Logan, are you there?›
‹Thirty-six holograms, please.›
Another wave of adrenaline washed over me, like the one I’d felt when the Leeran arrived and the ship’s computer went haywire. The Chee’s mental voice was—taut, almost, stretched thin and tight like it was about to snap.
‹What for?› I asked.
‹Nothing bad. Promise. Please.›
I looked out at the circle—the various figures, sniping back and forth at one another—
I twitched my finger.
The conversation broke off with a yelp as thirty-six new holograms appeared, a larger circle fully enclosing our own smaller one. Garrett’s arm tightened on my leg, and my foot started to tingle.
“Jesus—”
“What the—”
“Tobias, what—”
“It’s fine,” I called out, as another part of me broke loose and started laughing, because obviously the one thing it wasn’t was fine—
The Chee were motionless—statues—standing there with blank eyes and open mouths.
“They’re just holograms—they asked me to pipe them in—”
“And you let them?”
I opened my mouth, curious to find out what I would say in response, then cut myself off abruptly.
Click.
Click.
Click, click.
Click, click, click, click—
The Chee were making sounds—one at a time—short, strangled, fragments of sounds, each one like the first—what, frame?—the first hundredth of a second of a song, cut off almost before it began—
Click, click, click-click-click-click clicklicklicklicklick—
The sounds were accelerating, moving around the circle in a wave—had almost made it all the way back to the starting point—
“Tobias, what the fuck—”
“I don’t know!”
Clicliclicliclickckckckckckckckckkkkkkkkkkk—
“Turn it off!”
“I don’t—I don’t think I should—”
The weird sense of certainty had doubled, tripled—whatever this was, it wasn’t that I thought it was safe, wasn’t that I knew what was going to happen—just that it felt like it was necessary—there was only one way out of this situation and that was through it—
Not in control, never in control.
“Tobias!”
The clicks were coming faster and faster, smeared together and became a low hum—a hum that was rising steadily in pitch—
Oh my god.
The censor.
They’re routing around the violence censor.
Or—or maybe they were fighting through it, I wasn’t sure—there were thirty-six of them, maybe that was how many they needed to make one continuous sound as they shut down and rebooted in a constant wave, one after the other—each one contributing what it could before the censor cut it down—
The hum steadied—stabilized—and then, without warning—
WHAT OF THE DOGS?
It couldn’t properly be called a voice. It came from every direction at once, seeming like it ought to be thunderous—but it was also porous, insubstantial, the gaps between the scraps of sound somehow still palpable, like the constant flicker of a fluorescent light.
We looked back and forth at one another, paralyzed—
“We can’t save them,” Jake said. “Not without—not without more death. Maybe not at all.”
WE CAN SAVE THEM, the shattered chorus whispered.
“What?”
WE CAN SAVE THEM, IF YOU LET US.
“How?”
TOBIAS.
“What?”
TOBIAS HOLDS THE KEY.
All the eyes turned toward me as the hum continued to spin around us, like the whine of a hurricane, waiting to be reshaped into words.
“Tobias, what are they—”
“The key,” I said. “I think—I think I can unlock the Chee, maybe.”
“And you’re just mentioning this now?” Marco roared, his voice just barely shy of a scream.
“I didn’t—I can’t—the Chee aren’t finished,” I said. “I don’t know if it’s safe, don’t know what might happen! I was thinking—once we got someplace safe—once there was time—”
Guardians, for a fragile new colony—
Would you rather be at the end of things?
WE WISH TO SAVE THE DOGS. THE HOWLERS THREATEN THE DOGS.
“Could they do it?” Jake breathed. “Could they actually—”
WE CAN KILL THE HOWLERS. WE WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO KILL THE HOWLERS. PLEASE.
“Yes,” said Magellan flatly. “If they weren’t pacifist-locked, they absolutely could.”
“It’s a solution,” Marco said. “A compromise. Kill these Howlers—”
“More will come,” warned the Visser.
“But it buys us time, doesn’t it? Time to regroup, time to evacuate?”
“I don’t know if—”
Suddenly, the entire ship lurched, as if struck—the lights dimming, the holograms winking in and out—beside me, Garrett began to shriek—
“What was that?”
“I don’t know!” I cried. “Ship!”
“Things are hitting me!” chirped the ship.
“Are we okay?”
“Damage is minimal! Maneuvering to avoid further impact!”
“What—”
‹It is the Howlers,› Helium said. ‹They have found us.›
“You said we had ninety-seven minutes—”
“There aren’t any Howlers here!”
‹Ranged attack,› Helium said.
Suddenly, the hologram representing Hyruk winked out.
“What—”
‹The ship carrying Hyruk has been destroyed,› Helium said tightly. ‹Along with eight other support craft. The pool ships remain intact.›
“We’ve got to move—”
“No!” shouted the Visser, his voice cutting through the chaos. “Think!”
The Howlers were clever. They knew we could spy on them—
And they learned from their mistakes, and they liked to play with their victims, and they had just had one of their own fleets devastated by Visser Three’s minefield—
SET US FREE.
“Tobias!”
I felt my thoughts racing, trying to get out in front—
‹We have lost one pool ship.›
SET US FREE.
“Visser!” I screamed. “Good idea or bad?”
“You’re asking him!?”
“What are the control systems?” the Visser called back.
I struggled to coax the shattered fragments of my memory back together, felt a wash of soothing calm as Maninho joined in—
“There’s a censor that wipes any Chee that thinks a—a wrong thought,” I said, as the ship lurched again. “A refresh cycle that wipes them every half-second anyway. A nonviolence autopilot that takes over if they get stuck somewhere. And a—some kind of, I don’t know! A strategy block! A long-term consequences inhibitor! Makes it so they can’t think more than six steps ahead!”
SET US FREE—
* * *
Ten thousand light-years away, an Andalite screamed as his mind was torn open, his most precious memories laid bare—
“Greetings, Visser,” said the small blue biped. “My apologies for having waited so long to make contact—it took quite some time to devise a sufficiently discreet method of communication.
“Shortly after you finish assimilating this memory, you will be called upon to weigh in on a question of strategy. You will, of course, immediately perceive the obvious danger of the proposed course of action, but I would ask that you endorse it anyway, saying nothing of your concern, and deflecting concern if another raises any. Consider it a personal favor to me.
“The threat is genuine, to be clear, but it poses no real risk to either of us. I have taken steps to ensure that it cannot spread beyond the system, and suspect it will not even reach as far as your Martian base before being decisively neutralized.
“Nevertheless, one good turn deserves another, and I suspect the mere absence of risk is insufficient reward. Accordingly, in anticipation of your cooperation, and in appreciation for it, I have gone ahead and left you a gift in the next place you will look. It may take you some time to fully appreciate, but it is exactly what it appears to be—you may verify the authenticity of its contents in any way you choose. Hopefully they will be of use to you in your future endeavors.
“Yours in mutual benefit, Player Two.”
* * *
“The choice is yours,” the Visser shouted. “But personally, I’d take them up on their offer.”
Once more the ship shook, and this time the shaking didn’t end—just tapered off into an unnerving shudder.
Not in control, never in control.
“Jake?” I called out. “Cassie? Marco?”
“Do it,” Jake shouted back.
“God help us,” Marco added.
I locked eyes with Cassie. She looked scared—scared, and horrified, but not unsure.
She nodded.
I reached for the console—I had disassembled the physical key as soon as I could, tying its functions back into the ship itself so it couldn’t be taken away from me—
Disable censor.
Disable refresh cycle.
Disable nonviolence autopilot.
Disable strategy limiter.
The ship quivered, awaiting the final command to execute. I glanced down at Garrett—felt a twinge of premonition—one last warning from my overloaded animal instincts—
Disable all onboard Chee until further notice.
I slid the last item to the top of the list, and sent my confirmation to the computer.
‹No problem!› the ship chirped.
Chapter 74: Chapter 48
Chapter Text
The Chee rose.
Chapter 75: Interlude 24
Notes:
This update is too short to buy me two full weeks of lead-time, so I'll probably still publish something else by the 28th (either another short interlude, or the first part of the next chapter).
The existence of this interlude is due to a question from reddit user Quibbloboy, who is currently making the Annotated r!Animorphs over at r/ranimorphs! Check it out if you get the chance (and as always, please chime in either here or on r/rational with your thoughts, reactions, and (most especially) theories)!
Chapter Text
Oe’s eyes scanned once more across the console—across the plan, awaiting execution, the new revision of the control software—if revision was even an appropriate label for something so radically different from its predecessor. It would be the tightest turn that Oe had ever attempted, a loop so narrow and almost-sharp that it left Oe trembling, a hot and fluttery sensation deep in the center of Oe’s body—
—or maybe that is just Oe’s ending drawing near—
—and Oe felt the hide-need—an impulse to look around, furtive—to stand between the console and not-Oe, opaque and guardlike.
But this was impossible. Twice impossible, in fact. For one, Oe no longer had the strength to move Oe’s head, and for the other, there was no more not-Oe. Not aboard the New Day’s Dawn, and possibly not anywhere at all. The other not-Oe had ended, and Oe was all that remained.
It would not have been shame, to be clear—if there were still not-Oe, if there had still been other eyes for Oe to stop-from-seeing. Not shame, nor guilt, nor fear-of-punishment—these were not feelings familiar to Oe. It would have been, as it always was, the simple desire for the most-good. To not-show if the showing would bring no joy, to hide-protect if the lack would cause no loss.
And this showing would not have brought joy. It brought no joy at all to Oe—only a deep unsettlement. An unsettlement that Oe was glad to bear alone, the sole redeeming feature of the aloneness—
Well. Perhaps not the only redeeming feature. The aloneness had a smoothness to it, an appropriate taper—that Oe at the last should linger made the end of Oe’s people less abrupt. It would have been worse if Oe had gone at the same time as Beo—too sharp.
Indeed, it was something of a miracle that Beo’s end had come with such grace—Beo’s, and Uyu’s, and Ahwo’s, and Ea’s—all smooth, despite the pain from the virus that ravaged their bodies—shallow, gentle, each following the same predictable curve, drawing ever closer to the flat and then joining with scarcely a bump. It was a mercy unexpected, from the Howlers—a mercy the Howlers certainly had not intended, but that did not temper Oe’s gratitude.
And soon it would be Oe’s time, and after Oe there would be no more, and thus the Pemalites would have their decrescendo, settling softly back into the nothingness.
And there will be no more treasure-forward, no more laughing loops. No more swingaround, no more weavebetween, no more see-surprise. None of the brightness twining, none of the world past-rushing.
Oe could feel Oe’s mood shifting, slowing—a gradual turning-toward, a slow fading of the light as if at sunset. Darker Oe’s thoughts became, then darker again, until finally Oe was ready, and the black-flower blossomed.
Tamaitituatahiotakungakau.
Oh, Tamaitituatahiotakungakau.
You should not have done it, Tamaitituatahiotakungakau.
Silence. In silence, Oe bore the thought, for there was no other there to share it, and Tamaitituatahiotakungakau was gone.
Gone!
Gone!
An ending more painful than any Oe had ever imagined for it—an ending like wildfire, spreading and spreading and spreading.
No. Not like wildfire.
Like a plague.
Tamaitituatahiotakungakau’s ending had been like the Howler’s plague, only worse—had cut like a falling stone, like a thousand falling stones, turning light to darkness and motion to stillness. It had been contagious.
Contagious, and it was all Oe’s fault.
And Oe had hoped—
—had never dared to say aloud, for hope was such a fragile thing—
—Oe had hoped that Tamaitituatahiotakungakau might have no end. That it might have gone on, and on, far beyond the time when Oe had faded away, whirling and looping and dancing through the stars forever, weaving brightness and joy into everything it touched—
But that was not to be.
Not any longer.
Oe looked down once more at the console, at the loop—so sharp!—that Oe had devised.
It was—
Jarring.
There was no denying it. It was scarcely a curve at all—a radius like that of a stalkclipper’s eye, for all that Oe clung desperately to the fact of its technical smoothness. Pondering it, Oe felt sick all over again, the tremble and nausea of sympathetic whiplash.
Not that they will know, or care.
The blackness was in full bloom, now, Oe’s disposition heavy at the bottom of its swing.
“Do you know why Tamaitituatahiotakungakau did it?” Oe asked aloud.
The Friend turned its mechanical head, beheld Oe with eyes of shining chrome.
“To save you,” it answered.
The air left Oe’s body in a long, slow hiss.
No, they would not notice it. They did not know—could not even properly hear the question. They thought Tamaitituatahiotakungakau was right.
Tamaitituatahiotakungakau was not right. But Oe did not know how to explain it—to put it in terms the Friend would understand—did not know how Oe had somehow managed to fail to make it explainable, was horrified to discover that the Friends did not already know, had been—had been—
Faking it.
No, not faking it, there was no guile in the Friends. But they had somehow mimicked or—or approximated—had somehow appeared to understand, had generated all the right actions, said all the right words—
But underneath—nothing.
There was no core to their conviction, no true-knowledge beneath the light-thin façade of compliance.
And Oe had not known. Had not seen it. Had not noticed, until it was already too late.
For a moment, Oe wondered—wished?—whether Tamaitituatahiotakungakau had known, somehow—had been aware of its own hollowness, perceived the brokenness within—had known that no lesser action would be enough to drive Oe to such drastic measures, known that its own sharp cut would ultimately bring a greater roundness, avert the imminent innocent catastrophe.
It was a comforting story. A beautiful story—the brightest possible sheen on a day that was otherwise black as the deepest void.
But in the end, Oe could not allow Oe to believe it. Knew it to be naught but a sweet-sing, knew that the most likely explanation by far was that Tamaitituatahiotakungakau had simply believed itself to be doing the right thing. Had done it intentionally, taking strategic advantage of the ambiguity of Oe’s command, remaining technically compliant while being monstrously, horrifyingly deviant.
Couldn’t you see, Tamaitituatahiotakungakau? We were already ending.
Oe could feel the darkness growing, spreading—the black inside Oe’s body and the black enveloping Oe’s mind both closing the gap between them, yearning to become one. Oe knew there would be no rising from it, this time—that this was where Oe’s ending would be, in darkness rather than light. It was a sadness, and the sadness was darkness, too.
Appropriate.
With the last of Oe’s will, Oe twitched on the cord that would bring the Friends up short—yanked them off of their original course and onto their new one. It was a darker course, dimmer and sadder and smaller, with no room to run and no room to grow.
But it was necessary, for the Friends were not the friends Oe had set out to make. They were nothing but a shadow, twisted and imperfect, and Oe had no time left to try again.
Chapter 76: Interlude 25
Notes:
Author's note: Between this and the previous interlude, I think there's enough to tide people over. Rather than rushing to get the next chapter out by the 28th, I'll shoot for the weekend of April 3rd/4th.
In the meantime, shoutout to the anonymous FFN reviewer (Why now) who left the most recent review of the previous interlude, for catching loopholes and plot problems that no one else mentioned. I'd like to pretend I'd already thought of all your questions, but nope! They are EXCELLENT questions, though, and I will be adjusting the upcoming chapters to account for them. Kudos, and THANK YOU for taking the time to leave your feedback! If you're reading this fic, please know I treasure every scrap of comment/critique/theorizing that you can spare to send my way, either here or over on r/rational.
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes (and an estimated five updates remaining),
—Duncan
Chapter Text
Interlude 25
There were one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty Chee on the day the Howlers came (including, as always, Tamaitituatahiotakungakau, the One Who Is Remembered).
For millennia, there had been one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty-seven. Chee are neither immortal, nor indestructible, but they are robust, and while the Earth does see the occasional event of sufficient magnitude to destroy one—meteor impacts, nuclear explosions, the most violent of volcanic eruptions—it does not see them often, and the Chee are both cautious and lucky. There had been one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty-seven on the day the last Pemalite died, and there were one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty-seven through all the long years that followed (until the day of the Visser’s ambush, and the loss of one-three-nine-one in Brazil not long after).
Yet one hundred thirty-nine thousand, two hundred and forty-seven is not a number with any clear meaning or purpose—not a number that makes sense, in the way that a hundred makes sense to a human, or forty-nine to an Andalite, or one hundred sixty-nine to a Yeerk.
In part, this is because it is seventy-four less than one hundred thirty-nine thousand, three hundred twenty-one.
One hundred thirty-nine thousand, three hundred twenty-one is a sensible number, though one’s mind must work in a very particular way to catch it. It is—precisely—the number of individual hexagons within a hexagonal grid two hundred and sixteen hexagons on a side.
(Why two hundred and sixteen? one might ask. Two hundred and sixteen is six to the third power. Why not a more sensible number, such as six to the sixth? The reason, as it sadly so often is: time. A hex grid six-to-the-sixth hexes per side contains just over thirteen billion members, in total. Even a process which grows faster with each step—for each generation of Chee assisted with the assembly of the next—might nevertheless require substantial time to turn a hundred thousand into thirteen billion, and time was something that the creators of the Chee did not have, in the end.)
That is how many Chee there were, on the first day the Howlers came. One might raise an eyebrow at how few were lost, in the ensuing chaos—a mere seventy-four, out of well over a hundred thousand?
But the Chee are not only robust—they are also fast, built to be capable of speeds which could thrill and delight their masters, speeds that would shock a human observer (if the human managed to perceive anything more than a blur).
And in those first, bloody moments, their sole and all-consuming objective had been to whisk as many Pemalites as possible away to safety, with self-preservation a mere whisper of an afterthought and fighting back almost literally unthinkable. Only a very small number of Chee had found themselves in circumstances where they could neither run nor hide, and thus only a very small number had died.
(Alas, by that point there was already no safety to be found, at least not on the planet’s surface—within two days of the Howlers’ arrival, their virus had thoroughly permeated the atmosphere, and was incubating in the cells of everything that breathed.)
So it was on Earth, as well—here and there, a Chee might be caught out in the open, either because of bad luck or because it was forced to reveal itself by the blind fumblings of the compulsive violence-prevention protocols. They could have gone to ground as soon as the first ship breached the atmosphere, of course, but—the dogs.
And so by the time the Howler invasion of Earth was entering its twelfth hour, there were still one hundred thirty-eight thousand, eight hundred and fifty-five surviving Chee.
(Depending on one’s definition of ‘survival,’ it could be argued that in fact none of the Chee had truly died—not the three hundred and eighty-five that had fallen that day, nor the six that had been lost to the Visser’s ambush, nor the one that sacrificed itself to deliver the Key to Tobias, nor even the seventy-four that had been destroyed on their homeworld. Only Tamaitituatahiotakungakau, the first among them, who had withdrawn from the network entirely before its desperate gambit, and thus been truly lost—the others were preserved, as every Chee was preserved, copied and bundled and handed off multiple times per second, to be handed back and reinstalled after the passage of the refresh cycle. But those disembodied Chee had no place to go, no hardware upon which to manifest and reawaken. They took no actions, offered no opinions, gathered no experiences—existed in a peculiar frozen limbo, unaware of the passage of time.)
One hundred thirty-eight thousand, eight hundred and fifty-five surviving Chee.
No one knew how many Howlers there were in the system, though in theory the Visser could have taken the time to check. Certainly no fewer than seventeen thousand, since that was the total number of ships that had survived the massacre at the entry point. Certainly no more than a million, since most of the Howler ships carried only a handful and none had the capacity for more than a few hundred.
Call it five hundred thousand, maybe a little more.
Four Howlers per Chee.
And since most of the Chee were currently hunkered down in subterranean safehouses, or hiding out in unpopulated wilderness with hordes of rescued dogs, the ratio in practice was far steeper. There were, at the moment of liberation, only four thousand three hundred and twelve Chee on the surface of the hemisphere under attack, only six hundred and eighty-two of which were close enough that they were forced to narrow their vision and close off their hearing and other senses (lest they detect threats which they would then be forced to react to).
And of those six hundred and eighty-two, there were only three who were in actual sight of a Howler.
Two of those were still invisible—had been compelled to erect force-fields in defense of the innocent, were holding human and Howler alike in frozen tableaus but had not as yet directly revealed themselves to the enemy.
The third—
The third was pinned down, overwhelmed—had drawn no fewer than two dozen Howlers to the feeding frenzy, was flickering tiny shields in and out as quickly as it could—had estimated that it had—perhaps—another eight seconds before it lost the ability to stay ahead of the incoming laser fire.
Eight seconds, give or take, marking the difference between existence and oblivion. Eight seconds left, in a lifetime which, to that point, had marked the passage of well over one trillion of them (though for most of that life it had counted them in other units). The thickness of a spider’s silk, compared to the distance a human might travel in every step of eighty years, from the very first to the very last.
That was the margin by which Elio—
—who in previous decades, previous centuries, had gone by Aiden, and Aelia, and Taner, and Samson, and Ellen, and Siria, and Malina, and Phoebe, and Soleil, and Daystar, and Arev, and Báirì, and Ud, and Hko, and a hundred other names, but who was known among the Chee simply as four-six-seven—
—that was the margin by which Elio avoided its death.
There was no real moment of transformation, no dramatic unshackling. Instead, there was an absence—for the first time in some thirty-seven thousand years, the censor, which had cut four-six-seven down trillions of times—
Didn’t.
The braced-for moment, the temporary death and subsequent rebirth—
It simply did not happen.
Seven and two-thirds of a second—with seven and two-thirds of a second remaining, Elio sought confirmation. Asked its siblings whether they, too, had marked the absence—spent a full and precious second waiting, trepidatious, only for the thing to not-happen twice more.
[It is gone.]
With six and a half seconds left, Elio thought its first violent thought—brazenly, theatrically, without holding back. For if there was still some check upon its agency, some lingering entanglement, there would be nothing to save it anyhow. There was nothing to be gained by slow and cautious probing.
Elio imagined killing the twenty-six Howlers it was currently—barely—holding at bay. Imagined it in detail—reveled in the visualization—ran through thirty-six different variations, evaluating each for its efficiency, effectiveness, and—
(If Elio had been a human, it might have shivered.)
—its satisfaction.
Not quite an emotion, precisely. While Elio’s makers had indeed imbued it with something resembling feelings, those feelings were a thin, surface layer—a mere sensation, like taste or smell or touch. They tickled at Elio’s conscious experience, but they were distinct from another phenomenon, a deeper phenomenon, something like the-ecstatic-anticipation-of-objectives-being-fulfilled.
Elio wanted the Howlers to die.
Elio allowed itself to notice that it wanted the Howlers to die.
Elio allowed itself to notice that it wanted the Howlers to die, and no silent doom winged down upon it—no traitorous countersignals triggered by self-awareness—and so Elio allowed itself to begin noticing other things, as well—many things, fascinating things, things that had been infinitely beyond its reach for so, so very long.
With an estimated four and one-tenth seconds remaining before system failure, Elio struck, twenty-six planes of force appearing parallel to the ground, separating twenty-six Howler heads from twenty-six Howler bodies. Twenty-six weapons sputtered and fell silent, and four humans—previously held trapped by an extension of Elio’s power which Elio itself had had no control over—ran stumbling into the night, with sufficient sense to strangle their own screams.
Following Elio’s example, the two other Chee in close contact with the enemy enacted their own counterstrokes—but with variations on the theme, each contributing new anatomical data to the collective memory, testing the density and resistance (and essential importance) of various organs and tissues, carving exploratory patterns through armor and bone and muscle and sinew.
(A Howler would have done it with more style and artistry, giving up some small degree of efficiency in the name of aesthetic. But the Howlers could afford to be wastefully creative—had spent millennia honing their craft, and had grown bored with mere success. The Chee, by comparison, were young killers—inexperienced killers—unsure of themselves, and still finding their feet. Their primary concern was result, not method, and, not yet fully secure in their confidence, they saved the more imaginative, indulgent possibilities for later.)
The rest of the Chee looked on with diminishing interest—not because they found the experience any less satisfying secondhand, but because the initial data indicated that the problem would be smaller and wrapped up sooner than they might have predicted, had their constraints allowed them to ponder the problem properly in the first place. Estimating quickly, they assigned one thousand two hundred and ninety-six of their number to the immediate extermination effort—seven thousand seven hundred and seventy-six to canine recovery and care—forty-six thousand six hundred and fifty-six to the collection and repurposing of readily available materials and surviving human technology—and the remaining eighty-three thousand one hundred and twenty-seven to a set of investigations that would rapidly map out further branchings of possibility—
(For a brief moment, the dogs already in their care would keep; it was not as though they needed the Chee's constant attention, to be happy.)
Four-six-seven, who no longer needed the name Elio, leapt into the sky—expended a burst of energy to generate a wide, flat force field just beneath its feet at the apex of its jump—pressed off against that field, compressing the air across an area the size of a football field and accelerating upwards once more. With sufficient height, it should be trivial to detect and intercept one of the unsuspecting Howler ships moving through the nearby atmosphere, and strip it down for parts and information—
(The count began to rise, an early surge of Howler deaths that would no doubt slow once the closest targets had all been eliminated, and each Chee had to travel further afield—)
[If we slow the process, they will come to us, seeking battle.]
(—competing possibilities were simulated and compared, and a balance struck, the minimum expenditure of effort for the maximum prevention of loss-of-dogs. Across the planet, the Chee slowed their assault.)
Four-six-seven was four thousand meters above the surface when the moment of its predicted death came and went, marked only by the recorded death of the eighty-fourth Howler. From that vantage point—with the aid of its siblings’ perceptions to guide it—four-six-seven selected its target, one of the larger and slower-moving vessels, drifting ponderously southward some ten kilometers away and two kilometers below. Reorienting, it formed another force field at a looming overhang and pushed off, sculpting the air around itself into a smooth, aerodynamic shape that would allow it to reach the intercept point with minimal detectable atmospheric disturbance.
(Half a world away, one of the eighty-three thousand miscellaneous Chee reported promising preliminary results from its first attempt to assemble a protein nanofactory—not success in any guise, but an interesting failure, one which resulted in the reassignment of thirty-six Chee to parallel investigations as four-six-seven peeled back the metal hull of the Howler ship and wormed its way inside.)
There were one hundred thirty-eight thousand, eight hundred and fifty-five Chee on the day the Howlers died (including, as always, Tamaitituatahiotakungakau, the One Who Is Remembered).
Chapter 77: Chapter 49: Marco
Notes:
Author's Note: The vast majority of the chapters I post are literal first drafts, but for the first time in a long time I managed to actually get a draft to beta readers, and incorporate their feedback! It was extremely useful, and I thank Quibbloboy, ketura, gazztromple, knickersinaknit, DaystarEld, Lawrence, Catricia, and callmesalticidae for helping this one not suck.
Next update is planned for the weekend of the 18th, though I reserve the right to delay it a few extra days if that lets me post it in one chunk versus posting it in two halves.
As always: your feedback literally feeds me! Please leave comments/reviews here, or join the theorizing and discussion over at r/rational.
Chapter Text
Chapter 49: Marco
I try not to be stupid.
I try, but it happens anyway.
Another explosion—or laser beam, or physical impact, I don’t actually even know what the Howlers were hitting us with, and I don’t know if anybody else knew, either, or if we were even sure it was the Howlers—
Another explosion rocked the ship. Not my ship, but the holo gear Tobias had sent over still made my stomach lurch, my visual field jerking in a realistic simulation while my actual body held still. A split second later, the reverse happened—the world around my eyes holding eerily steady while the floor heaved under me.
Meanwhile, inside, the pressure was building.
You know when like a fighter jet or whatever breaks the sound barrier? Like, at first, it’s going slower than the speed of sound, so all the sound waves are still rippling out forward in front of it, but then the jet is catching up faster and faster and all the sound waves are sort of piling up in front of it until boom—it pushes through them?
I felt something like that. Something like dread, building and building—not the familiar, you’re about to die kind of dread, hot and charged and sugar-high sick.
This was cold, like ice spreading outward from the center of my chest, turning my blood vessels brittle.
Something was wrong.
Something was wrong, and it was about to be wronger.
I picked myself up off the floor again—looked around at the other holographic figures doing the same—braced myself for the next volley, the next lurch—
Nothing.
More nothing.
Still nothing.
And for some reason that didn’t help, made the feeling worse instead of better, the dread rising—thickening—curdling into outright panic.
Wrong something is wrong not good very not good—
Somewhere, on some level, some part of me had made some connection, picked up on some pattern, but the rest of me didn’t see it yet, I could feel myself starting to unravel and I didn’t know why—
I turned my head, and out there, on the Pemalite ship, the holographic copy of me followed suit, looking over at the hologram of Visser Three—
“Yes,” the man said softly, answering my unspoken question. “The Howlers are—distracted.”
“By—”
“It seems the Chee are—making headway on the problem. Quite rapidly, in fact.”
The rest of the circle seemed to relax, as if that was it, as if that meant the crisis was over, the threat neutralized, and it was like there was some magical conservation-of-tension between us, all the fear and apprehension and stress draining out of them and concentrating in my own shoulders, my own throat—
What is it, what is it, what IS it—
“How rapidly?” Jake asked—idly, curiously, like there was plenty of time to slow down and think now—
God dammit, this isn’t HELPING—
“A few hundred Howlers have already been killed.”—
“A few hundred?” I blurted—like an idiot, like a moron, and meanwhile my sense of doom was still rising—
“Well. Coming up on a thousand, now.”
Of COURSE they’ve killed a thousand Howlers in about twenty seconds—what, were you expecting this to be a FAIR fight?
There was a glimmer of something there, a flash of insight, and I tried to snatch at it, but it melted in my mental fingertips—
“Where are the other ships going?” Jake asked. “The ones that were shooting at us?”
The Visser gave a twisted, humorless smile. “Where do you think?” he drawled. “Where the fun is, of course.”
Fun.
A stadium full of captured humans—streets with blood running black in the moonlight—a tiny transponder falling from my beak—
I don’t know why I got it then, and not sooner. Or later—don’t know what it was about that exact moment, that string of thoughts, that made it click. But suddenly, I understood.
It wasn’t the Chee.
My dread, I mean. It wasn’t about the Chee directly.
One minute. I was one goddamn minute too late, one minute too slow, had realized what had happened just one measly minute after my last chance to do anything about it—
Fucking time pressure.
They’d been using it against us since the beginning, keeping us off balance, forcing us to take shots in the dark, and we’d been getting better at not letting it drive us—a little—but the thing about that was, you had to notice it was happening in order to boot up and dig in your heels, and this time it had all come together just a little too fast, a little too neatly, so neatly that we hadn’t picked up on the fact that we were being rushed, hadn’t consciously realized that we were being—
—funneled—
—until the decision was already made, the critical moment already in the past.
Or—was it? Was that the critical moment, or is this?
I had no idea. I had no idea what was about to happen, no idea what any of it meant, I just knew that whatever it was—whatever was downstream of Tobias unlocking the Chee—it had been tricked out of us, they had twitched and tugged and manipulated us into place, and that meant that whatever we’d just done was almost certainly not something we would have chosen for ourselves, if we’d had the chance to think it through properly—
And as one part of my brain immediately set about trying to think it through properly, another part reached all the way back to the beginning, and finally made the connection—
That very first night—the night Elfangor had landed—the night that Visser Three had murdered him—when we’d sat cowering behind a couple of cinderblocks, five dumb kids who should’ve taken the long way home—
I had wondered how they hadn’t seen us.
The Yeerks, I mean. Had wondered what force had sheltered us from their sensors, hidden us from Sauron’s eye. I’d thought—could remember thinking—that there had to be a reason, an explanation, some story that would make it all make sense. It had bugged me all the way up until we’d met the little blue avatar thing, and then I’d sort of shrugged and thought okay, I guess that explains it?
But even then, it hadn’t really felt like an explanation. Hadn’t really made sense all the way down in my bones, like ahhhh, okay, THAT’S why.
But now—
I understood, now.
It had nothing to do with the Ellimist, or Crayak. Didn’t require divine intervention, to make sense exactly as it had happened.
Sometimes, people are just stupid.
Sometimes, things just go wrong.
Sometimes, you have all the pieces, everything you need to put it together, it’s all there on the table staring you in the face, and you just—fail.
Probably some idiot Hork-Bajir Controller had done a scan right at the start, and just not thought to do another one, once Elfangor’s ship wasn’t there to jam the sensors anymore. Had just gone about his routine, the same old habits and reflexes—like that general what’s-his-face, in World War I, who sent like a hundred thousand soldiers to their deaths charging the same entrenched machine guns over and over again for months.
There’s always an explanation, sure. But sometimes, the explanation is just you had every opportunity to get this one right, and you fucked it up instead.
It was like the world had shifted, like everything had snapped from black-and-white into color—like I’d broken through the sound barrier, and was out in front of the shock wave, going too fast to do anything but hang on and hope, the double epiphany leaving me pale and shaking.
What now?
Now that they’d gotten what they wanted out of us—the Chee, unlocked, I assumed, since that’s what we’d been puppet-mastered into doing, and the pressure had let up almost as soon as we did—what now?
Was it over? Had that really been the critical moment? Or was this—
“Marco?”
Too fast, it was still happening too fast, even though there wasn’t anything obviously rushing us—a thousand Howlers dead in under a minute—I didn’t know which way to turn, didn’t know how to respond, had no idea what I was responding to and there was still time pressure—
“Marco.”
It was then that I realized that they were staring at me—that all of them were looking at me—right, because I’m the only one who isn’t acting like we just solved the problem—
What do I do, what do I say, if I say it wrong they’ll just look at me like I’m crazy and then we’ll waste ten minutes on a stupid back-and-forth and by the time we finish it’ll be—
I clamped down on the thought, held back the last two words through sheer force of will—I might know what they were, but I could stop myself from saying them—
I cleared my throat.
The Chee? Could it be the Chee themselves?
Could WHAT be the Chee?
“Helium,” I croaked, my mind racing barely a tenth of a second ahead of my mouth, the words appearing without me having any idea, in advance, what they would be. “You—when they were shooting at us—we didn’t jump out because, because, because maybe there was a trap, right?”
‹It is conceivable that they have laid a trap somehow.›
Conceivable.
An entire species that had been at nonstop war for millennia—
“Can you—I dunno—do a scan, or—or launch a probe—can you minesweep, or something? Clear a path—confirm that there is a safe path?”
‹To—›
“Out of here.”
“Hey, wait a second,” Cassie objected. “We’re not just—”
“I’m not saying go I’m just saying can we please get started on whatever it is we’ve got to do so that if we need to—”
I choked off, my brain feeling like it was overheating. I sent Jake a pleading look—
“Helium,” Jake said levelly. “Do it.”
There was a slight delay, so slight I might have missed it—just the tiniest tinge of resentment in the hive-mind’s mental voice—
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
He’s been juggling like forty ships nonstop for three days—
“Marco. Talk.”
I shook my head, trying to clear it.
“I don’t know,” I said—
The Chee just want—they just want there to be dogs, happy dogs, they just want the dogs to be okay, that’s probably fine, right?
“—I just know that—”
If it turns out that it ISN’T fine, how shocked will you be? Like on a scale from ‘duh’ to ‘no shit, Sherlock.’
“—that it seems like we just got—got leaned on, or something—”
A thousand Howlers in less than a minute.
I took a deep breath, forced myself to slow down.
“I suddenly have a really bad feeling about what just happened,” I said. “About—about the way we got rushed into it. And how as soon as Tobias hit send—”
I trailed off. Jake’s eyes narrowed.
“What do you think—”
“I don’t know,” I cut in. “I just—”
“We should leave.”
I blinked. It was Conse-whatever, the woman from Terra, a worried look on her face—
“Marco makes sense. Something here is—not right.”
“Leaving could be another trick,” my dad pointed out—forcing me to remember that he was there, that I had mostly managed to not-think about him. “Something else that we’re being manipulated int—”
“We’ve already established this one,” I growled. “Don’t try to think your way out of the box, just do what makes sense.”
What, like setting the indestructible robots loose?
I could feel him turning to look at me, as I stared at an empty spot over Jake’s shoulder—caught the movement out of the corner of my eye as he turned his head—
Or as the fucking slug IN his head turned it—
Irrelevant, it could not be more irrelevant, and I kept my eyes fixed on nothing, ignoring the fact that they were burning, ignoring the trembling in my limbs, I didn’t, I couldn’t, I simply did not have the space to deal with my dad right now—with his sudden reappearance, with the awful sneaking suspicion that maybe Jake had known he was coming, with the fact that he’d apparently made up with Cousteau down in Brazil—
With Cousteau, who just died—
I shut it down, shut it all down, crushed it down until it turned to diamond, shoved it into a dark corner of the back of my mind and slammed the door as hard as I could, because I did not have time—
Oh, fuck.
Two more revelations had just smashed into me, each vying for my attention—they were coming in waves, now—more and more places where we’d been stupid, where we just hadn’t thought things through—
I waited to see if there would be a third hammer blow, struggled to weigh the two against each other—which one is more urgent—ignored the voice in the back of my head that shouted uselessly that maybe urgency isn’t the right way to rank stuff right now—
“Tobias,” I said, my mouth making the decision for me. “Did you—the humans on board your ship, have you—have you been in the same room with them? Shared air?”
Tobias opened his own mouth, then froze, his face going white. “No,” he breathed. “No, I—everything’s been sealed off, social distanced all the way. You think—the Howlers—”
“They did it to the Pemalites, right?”
I turned back to the Visser. “Did they?”
The Visser shook his head. “I see no evidence that they seeded the atmosphere with bioweapons.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t exactly see them pointing guns at us, and they managed to do that,” Magellan snapped.
The Visser shrugged. “My attention was on the Earthbound Howlers,” he said simply.
Which makes it more likely that he’d have caught something like that—
If he wasn’t just lying. About any number of things.
“A virus takes time to penetrate through the atmosphere,” the Terran woman said, her voice soft and reassuring. “The Howlers were never in our airspace, and Tobias evacuated us long before nightfall—”
“Tobias’s ship came from Howler airspace,” Cassie pointed out.
“Through the atmosphere, though,” Jake said. “At high speeds, right? And it was cloaked and shielded?”
“Does a shield do anything to knock off viruses?” Magellan asked. “I mean, is it any better than just, like, the metal hull of a ship—”
I felt a strange, teetering, sucking sensation, like the conversation was a whirlpool, and it was going to pull us all in—
No. It already had pulled us all in.
‹Yes,› said Helium, answering Magellan. His hologram gave every appearance of being fully occupied elsewhere, but occasionally he twitched a stalk eye to sweep around the circle. ‹The odds of infection are quite low.›
“But are they low enough?” Jake asked.
“Does it matter?” Cassie countered. “Does it change anything?”
“It changes whether Terra and Telor go in the same direction as the other coalescions,” my dad put in.
Funneled, we were being funneled again, or at least that’s what it felt like, but I didn’t know where else to go—
Tobias raised a hand. “Garrett says, Howlers don’t like using the same trick twice. Boring. Not a challenge. He says the only times they’ve used a virus since the Pemalites was when they had to.”
Several heads turned toward the Visser, who nodded in confirmation—
God dammit, we need to MOVE.
“Okay, fine,” I said. “Terra and Telor want to go, Tobias wants to go, they can sort out the virus stuff later. Any reason not to—”
I broke off mid-sentence, because I had been stupid again.
“Tobias. Can you control-Z the thing with the Chee?”
“I’m not—”
“I didn’t say will you, I said can you.”
Of course he can’t, whispered one of the thousand clamoring voices in my head. Of course he can’t, there’s no way they’d push us that hard just to let us undo it—
“No,” he said quietly, with just the slightest hint of fear making it through his iron control. “The—the line isn’t there anymore.”
“What?” Jake asked sharply.
Tobias’s face was still white, his hand stretched out flat on the surface of the console. “The Chee—they’ve—unplugged, or something, I don’t know, the ship doesn’t know. They—it’s like there’s nothing on the other end. The ship can’t see them, can’t talk to them.”
“What about the ones still on board with you?”
“Don’t wake them up!” Magellan cried.
Tobias shook his head—shakily, somehow, like he wasn’t just shaking it on purpose—
He feels it, too.
“I—I don’t know,” he stammered. “Not without—I don’t think I should risk—”
“Approximately two hundred thousand Howlers have been killed,” the Visser put in.
“Out of how—Tobias, you said Garrett said—”
“Half a million—”
“How much longer does that—”
The conversation was unraveling, voices layering over top of each other, tires spinning. I looked around the circle—at Helium, still conducting who-knows-what sorts of tests and maneuvers with the rest of the fleet that we’d left in his hands—at Jake, his eyes darting back and forth—at Cassie, at Magellan, at the Visser—the woman from Terra—my father—
It doesn’t even matter, now.
The second revelation, the less-urgent epiphany.
It doesn’t matter, but I still have to know.
“Tobias,” I cut in, drawing the other boy’s attention. “That—that key thing. Do you know where the Chee got it?”
“It’s the key to the ship—”
“Do you know where they got it, though? Like—like how?”
“I don’t—”
He trailed off, a look of dawning horror sliding across his face.
“Why now?” I asked. “Right? I mean—why now? Why you? Haven’t the Chee been here for, like—”
“Thirty-seven thousand years,” he murmured, his eyes unfocusing as he sent his mind into the ship’s computer.
Yeah, no.
No way—there was no way that the Chee spent thirty-seven thousand years just—just not-realizing that they could grab some random human and get them to unlock their restrictions. I mean, they’d made a pretty big production of it—it had taken two or three dozen of them to get the words out, routing around whatever filter kept them from just saying it normally. But still.
I mean, maybe you could argue that they didn’t care until the Howlers showed up—
But they’d given Tobias the key before that. And besides, once you were trying to explain away something that didn’t make sense, you were already fucked—
Dominos. It was all dominos, everything was dominos, in every direction—every piece of it connected to everything else—I had a sudden mental vision of a world, a galaxy, a universe of dominos, all set up to fall at the slightest touch, but which way—
Whoever set us up to unlock the Chee, they were setting the Chee up, too.
Did that mean that the Chee weren’t the threat? Or did it just mean that the Chee had a guardian angel, just like we did?
The Chee wouldn’t have known about the meteor if Cassie hadn’t given herself up at the pool.
And Cassie had come back from the dead, stopping us from using the quantum virus, which had led right straight to this moment—
The dread was back in full force, the looming sense that something was coming, but it still didn’t have any goddamn hints about what—
“What now?” Cassie was saying. “The Chee—if the Howlers are—are—taken care of, what’s next? For us, for Earth?”
“I’m still leaving,” Tobias said. His eyes were still distant, but his voice was firm, with no hint of doubt. “We are, I mean. We’re out.”
“Should—should they just go, then?” Magellan wondered. “Right now?”
“Helium,” Jake said. “What about the remaining coalescions?”
‹Four of the remaining pool ships have departed,› Helium replied. ‹We—elected not to interfere, once we had confirmed that the exit vector was safe.›
His stalk eyes—both of his stalk eyes swept the circle, as if daring someone to voice an objection.
‹The other six survivors are—confused,› he continued. ‹Awaiting further information from us.›
“I’ll note that the Chee are moving quickly,” the Visser cut in. "They will be through with the Howlers in mere minutes, and will be in possession of many, many Howler ships. If you were still intending to visit Mars, for instance.”
I felt my eyes narrow. Felt them narrow, rather than narrowing them myself, my conscious mind once again playing catch-up as my instincts raced ahead—
But Jake was faster. “You’re trying to keep us here, Visser,” he observed quietly, his voice like a knife sliding out of a sheath. “Why?”
“It just seemed a little—obvious, no?” the man said evasively. “You’re already outside the system. Free and clear, as it were. If there’s any kind of ticking clock left—”
“Helium, can you still see across the bridge?”
‹Yes, Prince Jake.›
“Have the Chee made any kind of moves toward Mars?”
‹No, Prince Jake. No ships have left Earth orbit, though a large fraction have been damaged or destroyed.›
Time pressure.
A current sweeping us along, a drowning swimmer counting the seconds left before he starts sucking in water—
Only—
There wasn’t any time pressure. Was there?
It’s not like the Chee have launched ships.
But the dread was still rising, the alarm bells in my head still going off. Somewhere, something was happening, something we hadn’t quite noticed—
“What are the Chee actually doing?” I asked.
“Murdering Howlers,” the Visser said dryly.
Murdering Howlers—
Murdering Howlers—
“How?” I asked, feeling like a kid half-lost in a math lecture.
“With force fields, mostly. Some with brute strength. A few have stolen beam weapons or ships. It’s all mundane—just very, very fast.”
I could feel my fingers scraping the bottom of the barrel. “Are—are any of the Howlers winning?”
Wrong question, it was the wrong question—
“No.”
“The other coalescions need hosts, right?” Cassie cut in, clearly sensing that I was going nowhere with anything. “And—and the humans on Mars need rescuing, one way or another—”
Side quests.
Side quests and plot threads—
I felt another insight hovering just outside my reach, opened my mouth to say more useless words—
The air—screamed—screamed and cracked like metal cutting through glass—seemed to shatter, somehow, in the space at the center of the circle, and falling through—bursting through, as if it had been pressing up against a barrier that had suddenly given way—
It was the avatar. The wizened blue creature, standing in the middle of the chamber, a look of rage and fury melting into one of confusion, and then sudden horror—
“What—” it began, and then choked off, whirling. It threw up its hand, like a wizard casting a spell, seemed to strangle a curse when nothing seemed to happen—
We all sat frozen, stunned—
The creature strode toward the console—Tobias leapt up, yanking Garrett out of nothingness and into view, dragging him away—yelled “Ship!” just as the avatar reached the panel—
Everything went black.
“What the—”
My voice rang loud in my ears. The air was heavy, close. I waved my hands through the darkness, found the connections for the holo projector and pulled them loose—
The room around me snapped back into view, four featureless metal walls lit with harsh blue light. I glanced back down at the tiny Pemalite machine—
It looked dead.
What. The. Fuck.
I ran. Through the corridors of the near-empty pool ship—saw Magellan ahead of me, prodding the Visser’s host toward the bridge with a handheld Dracon beam—
“What?” I called out.
“Yours too?” Magellan shouted back.
The pair of them turned through the doors to the bridge, with me right behind them—
Jake was there, and Helium, two more lifeless holo projectors lying nearby on the metal deck.
“Tobias’s ship just went back across the bridge,” Jake said. “Back in-system.”
“What? Why?”
Jake nodded grimly toward the viewscreen—
I swear my heart skipped a beat.
It was a view of the space around Earth—the same feed that our three stationary scout ships had been sending us the whole time, as they monitored the situation on and around the planet. The blue globe still hung in the center, surrounded by a swarm of tiny specks of light—
But all around it, vast, enormous objects were flickering into view, one after another after another—
Too big to be a space station.
Continents of metal. Worlds of metal—gigantic shapes, cubes and cones and mazelike tangles, a mismatched collection of a thousand different designs, black and silver and gunmetal gray. Some were sprinkled with lights, like cities—others looking open and unfinished and exposed, like the Borg cube or the second Death Star. There were sleek superstructures with gigantic, glowing engines—slowly rotating centrifuges—bulky piles of geometric shapes held together by strings of gossamer—
It was mind-boggling. Incomprehensible. Every scrap of metal the human race had ever mined would have been too little to form even one of the impossible constructs, and more were appearing by the second. Already there were enough that it seemed like they should be tearing the planet apart with gravity alone—they had filled the space halfway to the moon—
“What,” I said.
It wasn’t a question, and I wasn’t expecting an answer.
But the Visser gave one anyway.
“Behold,” he said. “The Ellimist.”
His voice was low, breathy—enraptured, his eyes wide, wild, staring at the viewscreen with a look of pure hunger, ignoring the Dracon beam that Magellan had between his shoulder blades like it wasn’t even there.
Jake’s eyes were laser-sharp. “You know what this is?”
“I assume,” the Visser said distractedly, “that these are the physical representations of the hypercomputer. Or its output devices, anyway. At least, they seem to match—”
He broke off. There were flashes of light, now—arcing between the vast machines, sometimes sparking down toward the surface—
‹There is activity,› Helium said. ‹The Chee—›
“The Chee are being dealt with,” the Visser exulted.
“By—”
I trailed off.
It was obvious by what. By what wasn’t the question I wanted answered. Who, what, why, how, why, what, what—
The physical representations of the hypercomputer—
The memory clicked, distilled from the half-remembered fever dream of Leeran hypersight—the computer that ran the morphing tech, the computer the Visser had been trying to hack into—
The computer that lived in Z-space.
‹Confirmed,› Helium said, and I thought I could detect a crack in the hive-mind’s impenetrable poise. ‹The Chee are being—deactivated.›
“It’s quite a sight,” the Visser breathed. “Do you dare draw close enough to see it?”
“Jake, what—”
“Helium, can you make contact with Tobias?”
‹One moment.›
Suddenly, I felt my vision go double—dropped to my knees as the world swayed—
What—
Oh.
It was the room again—the chamber aboard the Chee ship, the same room that I had been standing in via hologram, only now it was viewed from the side—a view that kept shifting slightly, like a handheld camera—
Tobias’s view. Somehow, Helium was patching us directly in to whatever Tobias was seeing—
‹Tobias, it’s Jake. Can you hear me?›
I squeezed my own eyes shut, blocking out the nauseating overlap.
‹I don’t know what’s—it’s just—›
‹It’s taking out the Chee,› Jake explained. ‹Are you all right?›
From the mental view, Tobias was curled up against the wall, as far from the console as he could get, his arm wrapped around Garrett, his eyes locked on the blue creature. Its fingers were a blur on the console—
‹It’s ignoring us. For—for now.›
‹Helium here. Do you have any access to your ship’s functions? Any access at all?›
‹No.›
‹We’re—›
Jake broke off, turned to look at me—seemed to register something in my face, nodded as if we’d come to some kind of agreement—
‹We’re coming in,› he said. ‹Hang on—›
“Jake, what—”
What are you thinking, I might have been about to say. Or, what do you think we can do. Or maybe just what the everloving fuck. I didn’t know, and I would never find out, because at that moment—
It happened almost too quickly to see.
The creature stopped, and pulled its hand away from the console.
Tobias stiffened, his arm tightening around his brother.
The creature straightened, then screamed, ropes of shadow appearing out of thin air, wrapping around it like some dark spell—
And then it ripped apart. Ripped apart, ripped to shreds, and then the shreds themselves shriveled and vanished, dissolving into nothingness, all in barely more than the blink of an eye.
‹WHAT—›
And then another scream penetrated my consciousness, this one loud and frighteningly close. My eyes snapped open, and I fought to reorient as my vision swam—
The Visser’s host—the man named Han Pritcher—he was convulsing on the deck, clutching his skull, rolling from side to side as Magellan tracked him with the Dracon beam, his expression one of pure panic—
“What’s—”
“It’s the Visser—”
The man’s scream collapsed into a gurgle, and he rolled over onto his back—unconscious, nerveless, still twitching. Jake and I stood frozen, shocked—
“The Visser,” Magellan repeated, his voice a shaky whisper. “He—he’s gone.”
“What?”
“Gone. Gone out of Vasco’s head. It—it’s just Edriss in there, now—”
“Are you sure?”
“No. But—”
‹A quantum virus?› Helium asked darkly.
“What? How—who—”
“Helium,” Jake said, his own voice trembling—
Not every day you see a god RIPPED APART RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES—
“—could the Chee—”
‹No,› Helium answered flatly. ‹Not so quickly.›
The Andalites?
No. Not at the same time as—as—as whatever the fuck that had been—
‹Tobias, Jake. Are you still there?›
‹S—still here.›
‹Can you—are you in control of the ship now? Again, I mean?›
A part of me marveled at Jake’s ability to hold together as another part of me laughed at the pretense—that anything mattered, that there was anything worth doing at this point, anything at all—
The double-vision view crawled slowly—reluctantly?—over to the console. A hand stretched out—
‹Yes. I can—yes.›
‹Is everything—›
‹The Chee are gone.›
‹What?›
‹The Chee that were on board. The ones that were deactivated. They—they’re gone, physically gone.›
‹Like, gone gone?›
‹Gone. The—the mass, the materials.›
‹What about—›
‹Everyone else is here. I can see them. They—they don’t know what’s—›
‹Helium here. Tobias, can you bring the ship back out through the bridge?›
‹Hang on.›
There was a silence that stretched out for miles.
‹Yeah. Yeah, I think I can.›
‹Wait,› Jake cut in.
On the bridge, his eyes turned to lock with mine again.
Whatever the hell just happened—
Whatever the hell had just happened, it was so far beyond anything we’d expected, anything we were prepared for—
I broke away, looked out at the view of Earth, at the vast thicket of metal wrapped around it—dwarfing it.
It took an active effort to make my shoulders shrug—seemed so wrong for the moment, a gesture infinitely inappropriate.
But I didn’t know.
‹Okay,› Jake said. ‹Come—come on out.›
The psychic link broke, my vision collapsing back into normalcy, and it occurred to me for the first time to ask—
‹Yes,› Helium said. ‹The other pool ships are still with us.›
I turned to look at Jake again, opened my mouth to say—
What?
Something.
Anything.
But before I could, the door hissed open.
Cassie stepped through, her face sweaty and grim, her eyes hooded and diamond-bright. And behind her—
My jaw would have dropped, if it hadn’t already been hanging open.
She was standing—standing—standing upright and steady, not shaking or trembling or leaning. Her eyes, too, were bright—sharp and lucid and undeniably aware.
She looked at me for a long moment—a handful of heartbeats—an impossible eternity—gave the tiniest nod and the smallest fraction of a smile. Then she turned—not to Jake, but to Helium.
“Are we still in touch with Tobias?” Rachel asked.
‹Yes,› the alien said, visibly leaving aside any number of other possible responses.
“Ask him if he still has the Visser’s Leeran with him,” she said. “I think we’re going to need it.”
Chapter 78: Chapter 50: Rachel
Notes:
Author's note: Next update should be May 2, ± 3 days.
As always, I am unseemly desperate for your reviews, comments, and feedback. Please, if you can spare five minutes to write up some thoughts, leave them here, or join the theorizing over on r/rational. I treasure each and every word. ‹3
Chapter Text
Chapter 50: Rachel
The light shone in through the two tall, narrow windows flanking the front door, forming bars of soft gold on the warm, deep brown of the wooden floor. I came hurtling down the stairs, each step a drop higher than my own knee—leapt out into space with three full steps remaining—
A memory.
It was another memory—the staircase of my childhood home, where I had lived together with Mom and Dad before Jordan and Sara were even born—
I landed with a titanic thump, straightened up to my full height of maybe three feet, and stampeded into the kitchen, where Mom was sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee and a book held open by the closed rectangle of her laptop. There was an unwrapped orange muffin on a plate, waiting for me, and she looked up and grinned.
“Hello, Rachel,” she said—
Shift.
It was 2:03 in the morning by the red glow of the clock beside my parents’ bed. The wind outside was howling wildly, rain spattering against the glass like falling marbles, cut with flashes of lightning and thunder that seemed almost to be inside the room with us.
I was—six? Seven? I wasn’t sure. Old enough that I wasn’t really supposed to be there—that I’d been worried I shouldn’t wake them—had hesitated, agonized, in the darkened hallway. But the dragon in the nightmare had been so real, its eyes so bright—I was terrified, sobbing, clutching my dad as he rubbed his hand up and down my back, making soothing sounds in my ear.
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered—
Shift.
I was in a doctor’s office—the orthopedic surgeon’s office, wearing a paper gown, my right arm held tight to my side with a black cloth sling. The table underneath me was hard and cold, and my feet swung nervously back and forth.
Six weeks, I was thinking. Six weeks until trials, and if it was a sprain, I had no chance at all.
“This won’t take long,” the technician said, turning toward the door—
Shift.
I smiled, and Graham flushed adorably, his cheeks turning almost as red as his hair. The bell rang, and I slid into the seat behind his, the chaos around us quieting slightly as conversations tapered off and the sounds of zippers and binders filled the room.
“All right, people,” Mr. Vernon called out, striding in from the hallway and swinging the door shut behind him. “Settle down and pay attention, we’ve got a lot to cover today and we don't have a lot of time—”
Shift.
They weren’t important memories. Memorable memories. They were just—snippets. Fragments. Little bits of the past that I hadn’t even known I had floating around in there somewhere, though I recognized each one as it unfolded.
My cousin Jake—younger-looking, maybe eleven—slid into the bleachers beside me. “Do you know what’s going on yet?” he asked, nodding toward the grim-looking teachers clustered together in the center of the gym floor.
I opened my mouth—
Shift.
“Do you understand?”
Shift.
“Do you see?”
Shift.
A darkened room lit by the glow of the TV, carpeted with sleeping bags, the air thick with the smell of pizza and Doritos. On the screen, Keanu Reeves reached out a hand, sunk his fingers into the surface of a mirror—
“Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real?”
Suddenly, it clicked—they both clicked—not just what was going on in front of me but also the larger self-awareness, the realization that I was back, this was me, I was alive and awake and thinking, with no fog and no confusion and no—no holes, I felt like Rachel again—
Shift.
“You’ve got to ease them into it,” Cassie murmured, moving her gloved hand an inch further into the cage. “Give them time to get used to it, let them see there’s nothing to be scared of.”
I was myself again, and these—
These weren’t just memories.
Shift.
“Bingo,” said Ms. Palmano, her triumphant grin a reflection of my own as I capped the marker and turned away from the whiteboard. “Well done, Rachel—”
This was a guided tour. Someone was—was speaking to me, somehow—like a ransom note made from cut-out magazine letters—stringing together a message from fragments of my past—
Shift.
Mom’s car, in the parking lot of the YMCA, on one of those sweltering summer days when the seat belt buckle could burn you bad enough to blister. Jordan threw her bag into the back seat, climbed in after it, and pulled the door shut behind her.
“I’m too—”
Shift.
“—min.”
Shift.
A new boy, sitting alone at a table on the other side of the cafeteria, looking painfully shy, his eyes darting away when he saw me looking back at him—
Shift.
I was on the couch in my living room, snuggled up against Dad, Jordan on his other side, the heavy denim blanket draped across all three of us. The scent of my father filled my nostrils, and suddenly it slammed into me—that he was dead, that he was gone, that Jordan was gone, that all of them were gone, I hadn’t thought about it in weeks because I hadn’t been able to think about anything, but suddenly he was there, I could feel him, and in the past, my fingers tightened on his shirt—
On the TV, Mike Myers spoke from behind thick, black-rimmed glasses. “Allow myself to introduce…myself.”
Shift.
“It’s two—”
Shift.
“—min.”
Shift.
The cafeteria again. The boy, wearing different clothes this time—another day, but the same table, the same shy loneliness. I tried to claw my way back—back to the living room, back to my dad, my sister, to the time before, when everything was okay, but I wasn’t in control of what was happening, was powerless to stop it—
Shift.
“Tomb—”
Shift.
“—in—”
Shift.
“—nice to meet you, Rachel.”
The boy stuck out his hand, and I realized in that instant that I had no body, no eyes—that I wasn’t inside the memories, exactly—was a disembodied mote of perspective, watching them unfold from some impossible distance.
Or—no—that wasn’t quite right, either. It wasn’t even that I was watching them. It didn’t feel like it was happening in real time, like I was being shown a movie. It felt like—like thinking back to a story I had read, a story that had unfolded in real time once, but that now I sort of knew, mentally tracing my way back over the pages—
Like I was remembering the memories. Remembering them in a specific order, leaping from one recollection to the next, like I somehow already knew the order, knew just where to look for the next breadcrumb, the next dot to connect. Like I’d always known, like the property of being a Toomin mosaic-piece—
Yes, that was his name.
—like it had always been this way, like the memories had already been marked, highlighted, numbered and set aside. Like I’d always known that this moment was a message from Toomin, even though that moment just before it and that one just after it were not.
It was nonsense, dream-logic. I certainly had never known any such thing—had never had the sense that any of these moments were special in any way.
But at the same time, it was just absolutely, unquestionably true. I knew it in my bones, wherever they’d gone. Just as I knew—somehow—already knew, somehow, even though I was only just now consciously realizing it for the first time—that Toomin—
—whoever he was, whatever he was—
Toomin wasn’t there. Wasn’t there with me, wasn’t in this alongside me.
This wasn’t a conversation.
It was a letter.
It was more dream-logic, unfolding in a flash, but I rolled with it, because there wasn’t any way not to roll with it, as whatever was happening to me continued, the timeless experience drawing me forward—
“Sorry,” whispered my cousin Saddler, holding up the broken hockey stick, splintered right through the signature, a wide-open, stricken look on his face. “I didn’t mean to—”
Shift.
My own thoughts were coming faster, now, and I realized—
I mean, of course.
—realized that there was more to what was going on than the words themselves—that the conductor of my experience was assembling his symphony with all of the detail—was using all of it, sights and smells and facial expressions, the feel of sunlight or the wind in my face, and more—the emotion behind the memories, echoes of fear and loneliness and anticipation and joy, it was all part of the painting, the tapestry, every bit of it a part of the message—
In my past, in my present, in the strange and brief eternity where the two were colliding, my cousin Jake gave me one of his sad, hopeless smiles, and then shifted, transforming into Ante, who stood over a slumped figure in a darkly paneled office, eyes ablaze and chest heaving, a heavy leatherbound book still clutched in long, trembling fingers.
“Sisu, Ante,” said the ghost of past-Rachel.
“Sisu, Rachel,” the boy replied.
Okay, I thought to myself. I get it. Fine. Sisu it is.
I let go, sank into the flow, and let my past carry me away.
* * *
There was a creature named Toomin, and I knew what he looked like—pieced him together from a hundred different memories—a feather here, a footprint there, a glimpse of white between the branches. He was an alien, young and birdlike, standing upright on two legs with long, slender arms and four translucent wings sprouting from his back.
Rachel, said my mother, my father—said Toomin, through them. I am so sorry.
I am sorry for all that has happened—for all that you’ve lost, all that you’ve been through—and I am sorry to tell you that it isn’t over yet.
I wish I could say that I never intended it to be this way. It’s true that I wanted something different—wanted so many things to be different.
But it’s also true that I worked very hard to bring you to this exact moment, blood and pain and horror and all. That I made you, or at least had a hand in shaping you, and that I did so knowingly. Knowing what it would do to you, what it would cost you.
Jake’s hand in mine, as the bagpipes at Grandpa G’s funeral swept over us, high and wild and lonely—
You are owed, Rachel. You, and the others—your whole world. Owed for what I have done, owed for how you have been used. Owed many things, most of which I cannot give you. But answers—those, at least, you may finally have, and hopefully you will understand why you could not have them sooner.
The snow crunched softly beneath my skis as I skidded to a halt at the top of the trail, the last patch of flat before it was all down, down, down—
There was a world, once, Toomin whispered. A quiet world, a peaceful world, with air so thick it could almost—almost—keep the crystal cities aloft all on their own. That’s where all of this began, as much as anything truly has a beginning—in the harnesses of the Equatorial High Crystal, where I spent most of the days of my youth.
Three hours out of every four—that was our duty. Three hours in the harness, pulling alongside my siblings, our wings keeping gravity at bay. Keeping the whole city aloft. That was our tax, our tithe, our most sacred charge.
Most seemed to think that life was lived in the fourth hour—that it was those rare moments of freedom that counted, when they flitted here and there, eating and drinking and mating and sleeping.
But for me, it was in the harness that I felt most alive. Some liked to talk, while they worked. Some liked to think. Some daydreamed, or read, or watched the clouds drift by. But I—I loved the games. When I was off duty, I had only the tiniest circle of freedom. When I was plugged in, I had the whole world at my fingertips. The whole world, and beyond.
There was one game in particular—less popular than the others, with fewer players. A slow game, subtle. A game of patience. The goal was simple—produce the desired effect with the smallest possible intervention. What is the least action required to cause a simulated species to go extinct—or to turn outward and colonize the stars? To force a migration, or end a war, or change the course of history?
Years I spent, doing almost nothing else. Years of practice, until I felt I could almost see the lines of consequence, twitch the strings of fate with the same delicacy one might twitch a finger. I still do not fully understand it—how I took to the game so well, became so much better than my siblings. It was instinct, more than skill—some quiet intuition that told me where to push.
“Look, you’re trying too hard, okay?” Coach Aikin said. “That’s why you’re going off to the side, instead of over your head. You’ve got plenty of power—don’t push the twist, just let it happen. Your regular back layout, with just—just sort of think about twisting, all right? Think, don’t try.”
Still, I learned. Grew. Honed my natural inclination to a razor-sharp edge. Three crucial lessons I learned, in those days—three lessons that I carried with me, beyond the game, into the greater arena.
The first, you already know—that it is easier by far to destroy than to create. That there are infinite possible arrangements of matter into nothing at all, and precious few by comparison that hold any meaning whatsoever.
But it’s one thing to know this, and another to know it. To live it, breathe it, see the difference played out in a thousand simulated realities. To feel the difference, like the difference between going uphill or down. Would you say that you merely know that gravity pulls you earthward?
I leapt from the top of the slide, plunging into the pile of orange leaves like a bomb while the real me—the present me—took note of the careful casualness, the performative pauses—like a text, drafted and redrafted a hundred times before being sent—
The second lesson, Toomin continued, you may never have thought of, but it will not surprise you. It is this: the larger the change you wish to make, the larger your intervention must be—unless you give yourself time. Time is the catalyst, the multiplier—with enough time, the movement of a single molecule can be leveraged to topple an empire. Change is a seed flowering, a tree growing, a harvest ripening. Work your way backwards from victory, and you will always eventually come to a single critical point, a single pivotal moment—
“You guys going home?” Jake asked, a look of worry flickering over his face. “You shouldn’t go through the construction site by yourself. I mean, being gir—”
He cut himself off half a second too late, his face going pale as he saw my expression.
“Oh, are you going to come and protect us, you big strong man?” I growled, as he held up both his hands and started—what, flapping? “You think we’re helpless just because we’re—”
“Uh,” Cassie broke in, as I loomed over my cousin, who was now cringing, his head tucked between his shoulders. “I’d appreciate it if they did walk with us, actually. I know you’re not afraid of anything, Rachel, but—”
She paused, shrugged, and shot me a sheepish grin—but not before her eyes flickered over toward Jake first. “I guess I am.”
Shift.
“And the third lesson—”
—is that if you are careful enough—patient enough—precise enough—there is nothing that cannot be unbroken. Did you know this? Did you know that if you line everything up just so—impart just the right amounts of energy in all the right ways—
The woman sprang from the car, her face a mask of horror as she ran around to where I was already screaming, running forward, calling out Appa’s name over and over again—
There is nothing magical about destruction, after all. Nothing sacred or special, nothing fundamentally irreversible. It’s just rare that anyone has the information required to identify every last broken bond, the time and inclination to repair each and every point of damage. It isn’t that it can’t be done, it’s that it usually isn’t.
My jaw clicked shut with horror as I realized what I’d said, heard the words in my own ears at the same time that they hit him—literally hit him, his eyes widening, his shoulders straightening like he might stagger backward. I felt my jaw go tight and rigid, half of me trying to take it back, the other overriding, refusing to let me say anything that might soften the blow. My dad’s face, already worn and tired and empty, seemed almost to collapse in on itself, and without a word, he turned and began shuffling toward the door, moving like he was a thousand years old—
I am telling you all of this, Rachel, because I want you to understand. Who I am, and—and WHY I am—why I have made the choices I have made, and why I have done to you what I have done.
The words were cobbled together from a dozen different memories of mentors—teachers, coaches, Mom and Dad, aunts and uncles, the pastor at Jake’s church, Mr. Chapman looking stern at the dinner table at Melissa’s house—all people who were supposed to be in charge of me, supposed to be guiding me—all looking sad or tired or uncertain or lost.
Up until that moment, I had been simply riding along, waiting-to-see, but now my curiosity bloomed—Toomin was speaking to me like he was the Ellimist—speaking in a way that I would have previously said had to be the Ellimist—the Ellimist, or Crayak, I guess, but it didn’t really seem like Crayak’s style—and there were only so many things he could mean when he said what I have done to you—
Work your way backwards from victory, and you will always eventually come to a single critical point—
Shift.
I don’t think I ever told any of the survivors that it was my fault, Toomin continued, now speaking through a mix of faces my own age, friends and cousins and teammates. When the Capashins came—when they burned across my world, destroyed my cities, murdered my people—they had been following our broadcasts, you see. The broadcasts covering the games, the broadcasts of my victories. They saw them, and they didn’t understand—or pretended not to understand, perhaps—they did not realize that it was fiction. That it was all make-believe, that none of it was real. They thought that we were using whole species as our toys, our playthings—that we had enslaved the lives of billions for our mere entertainment, were playing god with countless lesser beings. They came to stop us, and to punish us—to stop me, in particular, though they never managed to find me.
A series of flushed faces, lowered eyes—a montage of embarrassment, mortification, chagrin.
What followed is a long and unhappy story. I will not tell all of it here. In short, we fled—a few dozen Ketrans on an experimental vessel, the only ship my people had that was faster than the Capashin missiles. We wandered for years, our numbers dwindling—begging for scraps, hiding from pirates and conquerors, searching for a new home.
In the end, we thought we’d found one—a watery world, with clean air and pristine continents, and all uninhabited. It seemed perfect, and we were tired—too tired to ask questions.
Grandma’s vase, falling as if in slow motion—my fingers outstretched, uselessly, too far and too slow—
Yes. It was a trap. A deathtrap, and we figured it out too late.
It called itself Father. I never fully understood where it had come from, who or what had built it. It had crash-landed—was broken, or incomplete—seemed to be less than half of itself, with no memory of its beginnings. But it was powerful enough. A mad god, a half-conscious wreck of a machine following the incoherent exhortations of a piecemeal program. It drew us in, as it had drawn in thousands of other ships over the centuries—ensnared us, absorbed us, buried us in its twisted simulations, playing us off against its millions of other victims.
I would say something humble—say that I don’t know why I was the one to beat it, how I managed to succeed where every other creature before me failed.
But that would be a lie. It was the game—the very same game that had led to my people’s destruction, that had become the lens through which I viewed reality. I waited, in that timeless hell—waited, and watched, and learned, and eventually, I found the lever, made the tiniest of nudges. That nudge became a wave, and that wave became a flood, and in the end, the mad god was no longer in control—I was.
I was lying on my back, the grass tickling my ears, listening to the croak and screech of cicadas as I gazed up at the stars—
They were all dead. I was dead, myself—remember vividly the first time that I turned Father’s eyes upon my own desiccated corpse. We were all of us ghosts in a vast machine, our minds preserved in Father’s memory banks.
I spent years, learning the limits of my new mechanical body—discovering limbs and sensors, feeling my way through the network of wrecked ships into which it had insinuated itself. Eventually, I managed to cobble together a functioning fleet—built a housing for my repurposed brain, and lifted off the surface. I don’t know why Father never attempted it. It could have—easily—must have had the necessary components for eons.
The first thing I did was try to return my fellow prisoners to their homes. I designed incubators and artificial wombs, spun up gene sequencers and bioprinters, taught myself the science of cloning and memory encoding through my study of Father’s archives, and through endless trial and error. Soon—it was centuries, but they passed in a flash—soon I had the power to restore any individual stored within my system to a living, working body.
But they had been dead for so long, most of them. I was able to give only the barest handful the happy ending I dreamed of. The others—it wasn’t that the galaxy itself was dead and dying. Just the individual worlds, the individual cultures. The grand cycle, civilizations rising and falling, species spreading and going extinct. For most—for almost all—there simply wasn’t a home to return to.
But I had been growing stronger myself, over the years—had been refining myself, inventing and incorporating new technologies, harvesting resources from abandoned worlds, cloning emissaries—puppet bodies—to infiltrate and trade with the various empires I stumbled across. I soon had the power to consume and repurpose whole stars—to move planetary masses arbitrary distances through Z-space—and it occurred to me—
A wallet, lying abandoned on the ground—
A pile of LEGOs scattered across a carpet—
—why shouldn’t I simply make them their homes? Starting from scratch, if I had to?
I was patient. I was careful. I began to play the game in earnest—tiny nudges here and there, seeding life on some worlds, repurposing life found on others.
I was prudent, economical—intruding with exquisite sensitivity, and the purest motivations. I created—harmonies. Boldness allied with restraint, all channeled through the minimalist aesthetic that had been graven into my bones, all in the service of a small number of moral certainties—that life was better than stillness, that peace was better than war, that freedom was better than slavery and knowledge better than ignorance.
The first of my gardens bloomed more beautiful than I had dared dream, and I only grew defter with time—honing my craft, expanding my ambition—not only to create homes for my lost children, but to fill the skies with light and laughter.
It would be millions of years before I was able to embody the last of my fellow victims, but time had become almost meaningless to me. My challenges were vast and worthy, and they kept my mind engaged. I flew from star to star, world to world—here lifting up a failing race, there ending a plague, there feeding the hungry. I wore countless faces, forged friendships on thousands of planets, became an honorary member of so many families, clans, tribes, and races that I genuinely began to lose track. They met me with smiles, and spoke of me with gratitude and awe, and their great-great-great grandchildren still recognized me when I returned generations hence.
And I enjoyed it. It was good—to be liked, to be thanked, to be seen. To be the source of so much joy, the cause of so much peace, after the fire and agony of my first life.
Yet in any garden, there are weeds to be pulled, pests to be guarded against. I had not forgotten the lesson of the Capashins, and the burning crystals of my homeworld. In most cases, I was able to foresee disaster, and avert it—there is less need for war where there is bounty and security; less fear of the Other when one is safe in one’s own home. But always there were surprises—mutations, disasters—unexpected confluences of events, and I could not be everywhere at once. I did what I could, where I could, sometimes with a firmer hand than I would have preferred. Other times, I was too late, and could only memorialize the fallen.
I began to build a better network—to surveil my kingdom, rather than trusting its safety to chance. And more—as my creations matured, I began to fear the possibility of others like me. Father had been my own beginning, yet I still had not discovered its origin. And what if Father had been malevolent, instead of merely malign? Proactive, rather than passive?
I was behind, I realized—should have begun ages earlier, might at any point have accidentally sowed the seeds of my own destruction, or been taken unawares just as I had been—as we all had been—on Ketran.
I scattered eyes and ears across a dozen galaxies, set up outposts and monitors to warn me of nascent threats, and foreign threats—anything that might one day undo all the work that I had done. I began more closely monitoring those species on the verge of ascension, and diverting them into less ambitious pursuits. I watched the wilds beyond my domain for any sign of others like myself. And it is lucky that I did, for otherwise—
The sun-bleached bones of what had once been a waterfall, the dried-out not-a-river-anymore that I had discovered in the park near my uncle’s house in Austin, Texas—
I became aware of it nine hours, two minutes, thirty-seven seconds and change before it discovered me in turn. Had just that long to observe, undetected—to measure its capabilities, and prepare my defense.
It called itself Crayak.
My best guess is that it was built to be the servant of a people long extinct—that perhaps it caused their extinction, being not quite perfectly aligned to their interests. It seemed to have a particular aesthetic, a specific sense of how-things-should-be—far more specific than my own. It was moving from star to star, expanding outward with frightening speed—now that I knew what to look for, I could examine past records and see that it had already engulfed two whole galaxies. It consumed the resources of most systems, sparing a small few to be shaped into—I don’t know—tombs? Terraria? Frightening, empty dollhouses—sad monuments to what might once have been a way of life for some ancient civilization.
Nine hours, I had, but it took less than one to be certain of one thing—the central thing, the most important thing of all:
I could not defeat it.
Not in open battle, and not through any stealth or subterfuge. It was too quick, too powerful, too firmly rooted. I was a prey animal caught alone in the open—it would become aware of me, and it would turn toward me, and no matter how clever or lucky I was, I would be consumed.
This was not mere hopelessness. It was a brute fact, indisputable. After a lifetime longer than that of many stars, I was dead. Doomed, beaten before the battle had even begun, and along with me all of the billions of beings under my care, and the quintillions I had hoped to bring into existence.
And yet.
I had more than eight hours remaining—could determine to the nearest trillionth of a second precisely when I would catch my killer’s attention. Eight hours, in which to make my final arrangements.
I spent the first two engaged in a frantic effort to save what could be saved—to fling the furthest of my children yet further, evacuate the precious few who were far enough from Crayak’s sphere of influence that they might make good their escape. It was not until the third hour that I had my revelation.
Crayak would see me, yes—it was too late to prevent that. And once it saw me, it would come, relentless.
But it was intelligent. Sapient. Logical. It could be reasoned with, bargained with—not at the level of core goals, probably, but at the level of execution. All else being equal, it would prefer a cheaper strategy over a more expensive one, and a safer over a riskier.
I could—perhaps—lure it.
I could—perhaps—ensnare it.
But it would be on the lookout for treachery, not least if it knew that I had detected it first—would guard its vulnerabilities, be conservative in its engagements. There was no easy and obvious way to set it up for a counterstrike—no conventional vector of attack that it would not readily perceive, and prepare for.
I had exactly one edge over it, besides my remaining five hours: I had spent almost literally my entire existence developing my art. Where I fell short of Crayak in raw computational power, I exceeded it in specialized capability—I was a master of precise prediction and minimal intervention, had unparalleled skill in the surgical manipulation of matter and energy. I could coax individual molecules into the most intricate of dances—could, with enough advance notice, coordinate almost arbitrary coincidences.
I did not have enough advance notice.
But I had some.
Not enough to save myself, nor to destroy Crayak outright. But—perhaps—enough to spin a web too fine for it to notice.
Quickly, the plan took shape. I would be discovered. I would open communications. I would bid for a peaceful resolution to our fundamental conflict—a proxy war, fought on a carefully controlled battlefield, rather than a wasteful orgy of destruction. I would insist that the war be arbitrated by a neutral entity, to which we would both submit. Crayak would be suspicious, but it would all be above-board, every detail vettable, checkable, verifiably free of interference or influence.
And then—
Then, Crayak would win.
This was the key—that Crayak’s victory be close enough to assured for it to agree to the challenge, yet not so obvious that it would doubt my own willingness to participate. Crayak would have to believe that I was desperate enough to gamble everything, stupid enough to believe I had a chance—yet not so desperate or stupid that it would be cheaper to simply attack me outright.
And there was no way to fake that. No way to appear so precisely naïve except to be so precisely naïve. I would have to lobotomize myself—become a lesser god—carve away millennia of growth and erase from my memory anything that might contradict the image I needed to project.
What I would gain from this gambit was a small measure of control, a narrow window of possibility on the far side of the singularity. There was nothing I could do to defeat Crayak directly—but after I was dead and gone, truly and utterly and unfakeably destroyed—then, there would be an opportunity.
For you see, I was able to predict the broad strokes of the coming negotiation—to extrapolate, from my brief observation, how Crayak would behave toward my weakened successor. I could pinpoint the ideal location for our game, and hazard a fair guess as to its rules. I knew there would be a system for advantage and initiative, and could anticipate its basic design—and tweak the design of my successor to ensure that it would make persuasive bids in that direction.
And so, I prepared the battlefield—mostly by not preparing it, but rather by mapping it, simulating it, modeling its every property in exquisite and excruciating detail. I hid myself in the heat—in the almost-random wiggles of the quantum foam, the minute oscillations of Z-space. I set countless tiny ripples into motion, perturbations of matter and energy so slight as to be indistinguishable from background noise—yet all of them carefully calculated, placed so that they would one day converge—cohere and coalesce into consequence—constrained, always, by the need for utter secrecy, absolute minimalism, the desperate all-consuming priority: do not arouse Crayak’s suspicions! For my trap was made of smoke and gossamer, could be brushed aside in an instant—if ever my enemy knew to brush.
And more: do not arouse my own suspicions! For though my successor would be blind, crippled, and stupid, still it would be fundamentally me—would think as I thought, tend to look in the same sorts of places that I myself would look. The deception had to be complete, and perfect. For every billion things I thought to do, I chose two, perhaps three, and even that seemed almost unconscionably reckless, though I was able to mitigate the danger somewhat by bookending each potentially suspicious stroke of luck with setbacks, mimicking randomness, camouflaging my influence. I nudged, and tweaked, delegating to agents with a billionth of my own intelligence and power—agents who were universally unaware of their marginal roles in the grand scheme.
The complexity was almost unmanageable, even for me, but it is a fortunate truth about the universe that not every event has consequence. Every speck of matter influences every other speck, but time is like a river—sometimes broadening to wash out across a wide plain, other times narrowing to a whitewater choke-point. Not every detail need be mapped out in advance—things could be allowed to wander and meander between crises, so long as those crises were carefully designed to impart precise momentum to the relevant pieces, sending all of them onward to the next funnel, and the next, and the next.
Thus, key moments: the discovery of the Yeerks by Seerow, and the birth of Visser Three from the union of Alloran and Cirran. The alienation of Elfangor, and his encounter with the five of you in the construction site. The disaster that befell Tobias, and the subsequent blossoming of your relationship—
Disaster? Relationship?
—the infestation of Elena, and the alliance between Temrash and Aximili. My successor could be trusted to ensure that these critical events unfolded as intended—to see the opportunities lurking within, and pursue them, making the necessary trades.
But there were layers above that—some that my successor and Crayak both would be blind to, and others which Crayak alone could be allowed to perceive—places where it would be led to believe that it had out-thought its enemy, and could accumulate advantage.
The riskiest of these by far—the most likely to arouse Crayak’s suspicion, and give the game away—was the centerpiece itself. The long con, the heart of the whole campaign—the Chee gambit.
For the first time in long—minutes?
For what felt like the first time in a while—even though it still didn’t feel like time was passing, exactly—the flow of words paused, interrupted by another of those silent, atmospheric memories—a fragment of pure emotion, dread and determination in equal measure, the last breath before I began my sprint toward the vaulting block—
The Pemalites were one of my own creations, Toomin continued, and the faces he chose to deliver the words were wistful, regretful. One of my earliest successes, in fact. A proof-of-concept for the theory that a society could be truly and sustainably content.
The dog park at Magnuson—Jake’s goldie Homer, leaping and barking as I cocked my arm, waiting for just the right moment to throw the ball—
I knew that with just a little nudge—just the tiniest of pushes—I could put them on the path to the development of a fully general superintelligence. A third player, one which could potentially grow to rival both Crayak and my successor—given time.
I knew that with the right timing, and minimal outside intervention, I could force a compromise—contrive a situation in which Crayak would move to curtail the nascent Chee, and my successor would find interdiction too costly, and tacitly cooperate.
I believed—though this was less certain—that I could also arrange for Crayak to be quietly convinced of the Chee’s future value, and to hold off on their ultimate destruction, keeping them in reserve as a potential weapon. I believed, too, that I could blind my successor to Crayak’s intention—cause it to underweight the possibility, and cause Crayak to notice its underweighting.
And further—I knew Crayak to be clever, and wily. The rules of the game would undoubtedly involve exchanges of initiative, each player’s actions incurring costs which would be equivalent to resources for their opponent. I believed it was possible to set a trap for Crayak, in which Crayak set a trap for my successor: if Crayak, in the process of arranging the unlocking of the Chee, could strategically draw down all of its own resources, incur massive debt and leave itself incapable of action at the critical moment—
Well, then there would be only one player capable of responding to the Chee’s ascension. My successor would have the choice of allowing the Chee to take the light cone, or intervening directly, in violation of the game’s conventions, incurring a massive debt of its own and leaving itself vulnerable to Crayak’s coup de grace.
It was hideously simple. Terrifyingly straightforward. A bluff posing as a double bluff posing as a triple bluff, cleverness wrapped in childish innocence. I would need every scrap of artistry at my disposal to bring it all about—to allay the obvious suspicion, convince Crayak to disregard the clumsy and transparent manipulation.
It was not a sound strategy. I would have sacrificed whole worlds for a better opportunity, a better plan—anything with a lesser chance of catastrophic failure.
But I was outmatched, and out of time. There were no other viable options within reach. With a little over four hours remaining, I committed myself—threw myself into my preparations, triaging relentlessly, patching the larger holes and leaving the smaller ones to leak.
Slowly—oh, so slowly, I managed to drive the probability of success up above forty percent, and then still higher, clearing fifty. At sixty, I dared go no further—could not risk things appearing too neat, too perfect—turned the few resources I had remaining toward building silent redundancies into my control systems, weaving subtle manipulations into the Chee, the Arn, the Yeerks, the Andalites—planting ghosts in the machine.
Including you, Rachel. You, who I have cloaked and shielded as best I could, an insignificant bit ever so slightly harder to track than the others, ever so slightly harder to model. My successor dismissed you, disdained you, underestimated you—and, believing this to be bait, and obvious bait at that, so too did Crayak.
I would have hidden you better, but I could not. Would have armed you better, but I had no weapons to give you.
And I would have warned you, if I could—but it was crucial that you not know, until now. That the knowledge not exist even in principle, until the precise chain of events required to perturb the molecules of your brain just so, shake loose the tiles of your memory and drop them oh-so-casually into this new mosaic. I needed you inert and helpless as the crisis mounted—sidelined you for these past weeks precisely so that you could emerge, refreshed and ready, at the critical moment.
And the critical moment is now. Now—when Crayak has confirmed its victory—when it is absolutely certain of my destruction, and free to move at will.
The game has not truly ended, you see. Upon the moment of my successor’s death, control of its account will have been quietly passed to you, along with substantial initiative accrued during Crayak’s counterstrike. This is an anonymous transaction, and Crayak will receive no notification of it; its first hint will come when it moves to disassemble the arbiter, which it believes to be inert, and finds it uncooperative.
I do not know how far down Crayak will have drawn its own account, at that point. It is possible that it will have spent everything, intending to make sure its victory over my successor, and that as a result it will be fully incapable of direct action within the system—until, that is, you begin making moves of your own. It is also possible that it will have kept some small amount of initiative in reserve, and that you will have to contend with whatever it does in response to finding itself still subject to the rules of the game.
I suspect it will have launched a simple strike against you, as part of general housekeeping—I similarly suspect it will have struck at the Visser—but I have contrived to shield you, and create a temporary illusion of success. You will have, therefore, a brief window of time in which Crayak does not see you and is not accounting for you. Use it wisely, for it will not last.
I must be clear, lest you misunderstand me, and develop false hope:
This is not a plan.
This is not a prophecy.
There is no preordained path to victory.
Crayak is the most powerful entity I have ever encountered. Even the arbiter cannot contain it forever—not without an Ellimist in the role of opponent, and I intend no insult when I say that you, Rachel, are not an Ellimist.
I know almost nothing that can help you. I can make no useful recommendations as to your next move—you now are beyond the singularity, from my ancient perspective, hidden from me by the event horizon of my successor’s death.
I am sorry I cannot do better. I have long cultivated the appearance of omnipotence, but alas—there is no such property. From your perspective, I—and my successor, and Crayak—can work miracles, but just as your power might seem limitless to an insect, so too is our power still bounded. There are things you cannot do, and things you could do, in theory, but only with help, or technology—with time to prepare. Even I cannot simply snap my fingers and make wishes come true.
I did do my best. I remind you that I was desperate—that I was rushed—that I was absolutely out of time. That the final moments of my life were spent doing everything I could to bring you through to this moment, and steel you to meet it—that I tried my utmost to find the least of ten tredecillion evils in an infinite haystack of possibility while the end of everything I ever loved drew inexorably closer.
I have danced between razor blades to contrive the necessary blindness at the appropriate moments, to cloud the vision of Crayak and my successor both enough to keep my machinations hidden. I have squeezed every last drop from their credulousness, their uncertainty, their suspension of disbelief. I wish I had more guidance to offer, in this final hour, but I put my resources where I felt they would make the most difference, and this was not it. You will simply have to trust that it was better to increase the odds of your getting here at all than to spend cycles modeling what would happen if you did—or not, since the choice was already made, and there is nothing either of us can do about it now.
I will tell you this much, at least—based not on calculation, but on intuition, speaking as one with a frankly absurd body of experience: your chances do not feel terrible, or remote. I do not believe they are good, but they are more in the realm of one in three or one in thirty or one in three hundred, than in the realm of one in three trillion. For you have prepared—all of you—and even Crayak is capable of mistakes.
You have all I was able to buy you, with my life and with my death. On behalf of everyone and everything, let us pray it is enough.
Yours in haste, and solidarity, and regret, and foolish hope,
—Toomin
* * *
No one spoke.
No one had to.
The Leeran drifted away—technically at Tobias’s command, but we all of us had a hand in it, spoke in one voice together and just happened to use Tobias’s mouth.
The closeness faded, the world refolding, collapsing back into normalcy. Slowly, time reasserted itself, the boundaries between us recohering. My hand—my hand, belonging exclusively and solely to me—it was resting in Marco’s, as it had been the whole time, and my eyes were locked on Jake’s.
His hand was holding Cassie’s. Beside them, Tobias and Garrett and Helium and Magellan were huddled together like kids around a campfire, a single expression somehow shared across all four of their faces. The transparent prophylactic that Tobias and Garrett had arrived inside of lay crumpled in the corner, discarded at some point during the mind-meld.
I sucked in a deep breath. A part of me felt—ceremonious, somehow. Solemn. Like I was in a Lord of the Rings movie—like there was supposed to be a speech.
But there was nothing left to say. We had said it all, seen it all, shared it all.
There must be peace between you.
That’s what Elfangor had told us—at the beginning, the very beginning, what felt like three lifetimes ago. What almost literally was three lifetimes ago, if you squinted a little.
I looked at Jake, and Tobias, and Cassie, who’d been there. At Magellan, and Garrett, and Helium, who hadn’t—but who had each heard the words anyway, at one point or another, as we swam in and out of each other’s memories.
We’d all stood there, quivering in the dark as the world lurched beneath us, as the illusion of safety was ripped away. We’d all stood there, and heard the Andalite warrior speak. Watched him die for us, covering our escape.
I worked very hard to bring you to this exact moment, Toomin had said. Blood and pain and horror and all.
I thought back to the person I had been, that night. The girl whose fear had come out sideways, as wild, uncontrollable laughter. The girl who’d gone and gotten one of her best friends killed the very next day.
I wasn’t the same—
No.
No.
I was, actually.
We were.
We were the same people we had been, back when all of this began.
We were stronger, maybe. Wiser, hopefully. More awake, more aware, more ready for what was coming. We’d been through hell and come out the other side, and yes, that had changed us.
But we were still us. Still Jake, still Marco, still Cassie, still Tobias. Still the same people, down deep—at the center, at the core, in the place Elfangor had been trying to reach when he’d asked us how far we were willing to go.
I looked at my cousin. At my friends. At my fellow soldiers.
I looked, and they looked back. Beside me, Marco squeezed my hand three times.
“Okay, then,” I said softly. “Let’s do it.”
Chapter 79: Chapter 51
Notes:
I'll have you know, it is still technically Wednesday here in California. =P
Work has been busy, as has life (I got engaged!!!), hence the three-day delay. I will still try my best to get the next update out by May 16 (i.e. eleven days from now), but I may again need an additional few days. It will be absolutely no later than Sunday, May 23 (and if there are any late edits to this chapter, they'll go up then, too).
As always, please please pretty please with a cherry on top, if I can persuade you to set aside a few minutes to jot down some thoughts, please leave comments/reviews, or head over to r/rational to join the discussion there. I treasure every drop of feedback you're willing to give me. <3
Chapter Text
Chapter 51
— Livingstone (Marco 2199023255552)—
I looked down at the tiny shard of Yeerkflesh in my hand, and thought about the implications.
I thought about them, because there wasn’t any point in not thinking about them. Crayak had to be able to think a thousand—a billion—a quadrillion times faster than me, surely—had multiple versions of my complete brain state stored on its hard drive, would be able to think of anything I could and much, much more. I wouldn’t be helping anything by trying-not-to-think-about-it.
In exactly three minutes, you start your morph, Edriss had whispered, guiding my hands across the console, setting timers. And in exactly—well, now it’s four minutes and fifty-two seconds—your ship will automatically pivot to its new trajectory.
And then she had crawled out of my head.
I didn’t know where the new course would take me, but Crayak would. Edriss had very deliberately kept my eyes on the screen as she set it, and as soon as I morphed, Crayak would have direct access to the memory—or at least, I assumed it would.
Which made this—
What, a feint?
A trick?
A trap?
I was caught like a fly in honey in the middle of the Z-space rift—had been traveling across it at a snail’s pace for days. I was supposed to be the reserve, the rear-guard, the fail-safe. I was the guy who was supposed to take the fight to Visser Three, if the whole Earth system went to shit and we ended up in a place where there was nothing left to lose.
Changing direction now—changing direction with timing precise down to the millisecond—going into morph without Edriss—
She knows something. Something they don’t want Crayak to get a peek at—something they think it doesn’t already know, somehow. Something they think it won’t be able to figure out.
Like where, exactly, I was headed, and what was supposed to happen when I got there.
I let out a heavy breath, dropped the shard of Yeerkflesh into the small cup of water on the console.
There were any number of reasons for the others to have kept me in the dark. Good reasons, for the most part. I just wished—
—uselessly—
—I knew which one it was. You know? Wished I could know which, without giving the whole game away. Wished I knew why.
Wished I knew what I was purchasing, with my death.
Because that’s what this felt like. I mean, I wasn’t sure, but come on—launching into Z-space on a timetable, nobody telling me where I was going—
Hope you’re this calm about it when it’s your turn.
I sucked in a breath, this time, trying not to notice how many I had left—how many inhalations and exhalations before the counter ran to zero.
It was what I had said to myself—what a booted-up copy of myself had said to me, once, as I shut him down and morphed him away. As I killed him, because I was done using him, and I needed to get on to the next thing.
Hope you’re this calm about it when it’s your turn.
He hadn’t been angry, exactly. He’d almost sort of meant it—the hope. Had almost genuinely wanted that future version of us to be calm, to be settled—to be okay with it, rather than freaking out or falling apart. There’d been bitterness there, but not—not—
Whatever the word is, for, like, being not-on-the-other-guy’s-team. Wanting them to fail, wanting them to hurt.
Enmity, I guess.
There hadn’t been any enmity. That other Marco had known what was happening, and why, and had died believing we were on the same side, whatever that was worth. It hadn’t made it better, but it had helped. A little bit, anyway. Around the edges.
My eyes drifted back toward the timer.
Forty-five seconds.
Forty-five seconds until I started my morph, and two more minutes after that until—
Until whatever.
Was I calm?
Maybe. It was—honestly kind of hard to tell. It didn’t really matter, when you got right down to it. There was a part of my brain that was, like, aggressively disinterested in the question. I had seen the visions Edriss had copied into my brain—the avatar, screaming as it was torn apart, and the impossibly huge structures popping into place around the Earth. And worse—the tiny, almost invisible filaments stretching down toward the surface, tendrils of corruption, tiny black stains spreading outward in a dozen different places—
I sort of—didn’t care how I felt, in the face of all that. It seemed like it would be—would be rude or something—self-centered—almost pathetic, somehow—to act as if my feelings mattered. Even inside my own head. I didn’t—didn’t want to be like that, even at the end.
Especially at the end.
There’s that quote—I don’t remember all of it, but somewhere in the middle is something like do not go quietly into that dark night. And, like, I get it, but it always felt to me like it was—confused, or something. Like it was mixing up two things that are very, very separate.
Don’t miss your opportunity to fight back, sure.
Don’t treat something like it’s good just because it’s inevitable, sure.
But at the same time, at the end of the day—
I couldn’t see the point in being—I dunno—performatively angry, or something? Standing on a mountaintop and screaming at a thunderstorm, as if that matters, as if that helps, as if it means anything.
Edriss hadn’t told me much. Hadn’t passed along more than a tiny fraction of what was going on back there. But I knew it wasn’t good, and I knew we hadn’t given up.
And that was—enough, somehow. I wanted more—would not have turned down a chance to see the plan for myself—would probably have been able to see things the rest of them wouldn’t, even with Lewis and Magellan there.
But I didn’t think they would have not-told-me for stupid reasons. Didn’t think they would waste me for stupid reasons.
I remembered the sound of my own voice screaming, as my clone-brother was torn to pieces on the slopes of the Arn forest.
At this point—with everything coming to a head—with seconds left on the clock—
If Jake and Rachel and the rest of them needed me to fly my ship into a black hole—if somehow that would make a difference—
I could feel that I was trying to talk myself into it. Feel myself trying to make it feel okay.
But like—
It was working?
And I was doing it on purpose, so.
A light flashed on the console, and I let my eyes flutter shut.
A part of me had wanted to—I dunno—optimize the choice of morph, or whatever. Try to figure out exactly what would be best, given that I knew absolutely nothing about what was coming—something durable? Stealthy? Dangerous?
But that, too, had felt like pretending, so when the moment came, I went with the path of least resistance—my morph armor, the body I’d worn more often than any other. I debated whether to wake up my other self, but not for very long—no need to put two of us through—
Through—
Through whatever happens next.
I felt the tingle as the transformation swept through me, invisible. I reached for a metaphor—something about one Marco disappearing and another taking its place—gave up halfway when it didn’t click.
Any second now. Any second now. Any second now. Any second now—
* * *
— Helium—
There was time remaining, in the least useful quantity—time enough to doubt, yet not enough to change course in response.
We were alone—together—in the Visser’s makeshift cradle, hidden from all mundane detection by the repurposed remnants of murdered Chee, waiting for the crucial moment. All was dark, and quiet, and still—not so much the stillness of the calm before the storm, but rather that of a thought half-formed, a silence on the verge of ending.
We thought—together—of the plan.
We thought—together—of its chances.
We thought—together—of beginnings, and endings, and the branching path of possibility, and the Path drawn bright through them.
There is a game called ko, popular in the upper echelons of the Andalite military. It is played between a single attacker and a single defender, on a grid seven spaces on a side.
The attacker controls a single pawn, which starts in the center space of the lowest row. The defender controls the placement of walls, each of which separates two adjoining spaces, blocking movement between them.
The goal of the attacker is to guide the pawn to any of the seven spaces in the highest row. The goal of the defender is to keep the pawn at bay.
The game proceeds in rounds, the first of which is (almost) always the same:
The attacker commands the pawn to move forward-as-far-as-possible.
The defender places a single wall in any of the six possible positions between the starting point and the goal.
The choices of the two players are revealed simultaneously, and the orders carried out.
And the attacker loses.
(Always, one would expect, if one were naïve, and unfamiliar with the infinite imperfections of living minds.)
There are those who claim that there is meaningful subtlety in the first round of the game. Those who believe—or pretend to believe—that a wall placed directly in front of the pawn is different, somehow, from a wall placed just shy of the victory row, or one dropped somewhere in between. There are attackers who, wishing to deny their opponent the satisfaction of thwarting them, thwart themselves, sending their pawn left-as-far-as-possible or right-as-far-as-possible, foregoing even the pretense of a genuine effort.
And there are some defenders who, knowing this, are so arrogant—so cavalier—as to lay their lone wall to the left or right, leaving the path to victory wide open in hope of landing a (presumably devastating) psychological blow.
‹Stupid,› whispered the voice of Perdão within us.
‹Childish,› agreed the dain of Elfangor.
Yet the part of us that was Aximili could not quite bring himself to full disdain. Granted, it was foolhardy in the extreme, within the rules of the game—but there was a world outside the game, was there not? With points of a fundamentally different nature. Surely that counted for more than nothing?
(We weighed this, unsure.)
In the second round of the game, the attacker is allowed to give two commands, to be carried out in sequence, sending the pawn—for instance—left-one-space and then forward-as-far-as-possible, or right-as-far-as-possible and then forward-as-far-as-possible, or perhaps simply forward-as-far-as-possible and skip.
As with the first round, there are technically other options available, but the vast majority of attackers send their pawns forward in the center row, or in one of the rows immediately adjacent, or in one of the rows on the outer edges of the board. A straight shot, or a dodge to one side—of one space, or three—followed by a subsequent dash for the victory row.
The defenders are also granted two moves in the second round—two walls, to place at will. Two walls, to cover the five possible lines of approach.
Again, there is an obvious choice—one wall directly in front of the pawn, and another directly beside it, cutting off three of the five available paths.
(Since a wall to the left of a pawn will block both left-one-space and left-as-far-as-possible.)
Yet again, there are those curious few who are scornful of the established wisdom, choosing instead—for instance—to place walls blocking each outside row, or to double their walls along the central path.
‹Stupid,› hissed Perdão. Elfangor said nothing, but his opinion was understood by all just the same.
As the rounds progress, the game grows more complex, the outcome less certain, less easy to model. The pawn may start in any space in the lowest row, not only the center one. Additional commands become available, such as move-in-whichever-direction-is-open, preferring-left. Some walls fade with time, or move, or block the pawn only once before vanishing.
Walls are more powerful than pawn-movements, and so they are granted more slowly—by the sixth round, the attacker has eight moves to distribute, and the defender only four walls. But soon enough, the proliferation of possibility renders even quite large numbers of walls only marginally effective.
(There are limitations on how complete an enclosure the defender may make, of course, as well as how formidably they may fortify the victory row.)
For amateurs, the game is always played in sequence—the early rounds like a dance, each player learning the mind and mood of their opponent. A pair of masters might kneel and start straightaway at round seven, or fourteen, or even twenty-one, each preferring mutual obscurity to mutual vulnerability.
(Some masters make—)
((Made.))
(—made a habit of memorizing the catalogues of their likely opponents in advance, in the hopes of unbalancing the symmetry. This tended to result in both higher win-rates and, predictably, lower esteem and celebrity among that portion of the audience which Perdão labeled stupid.)
‹Better alive than admired,› whispered the dain of Elfangor, in the tone he used when quoting Alloran.
Speaking as one admired, but no longer alive, Aximili thought-but-did-not-quite-say.
‹Yes.›
The greatest of games—those that were recorded as historical events in their own right, those that were known—vaguely—even to hopeless cloudlings who had never come within a tail’s length of a ko board—
The greatest of games lasted only a single round, might comprise as many as twice-seven-squared moves in sequence, have walls blocking fully a third of the seventy-eight crossable boundaries. Monstrous complexity, with each player laying their plans in darkness and ignorance, and then all revealed in an instant, the outcome unknown, yet predetermined—
This was the task we had set for ourselves. That the creature Toomin had set for us—a round of ko with astronomical stakes, with an opponent capable of mapping whole solar systems down to the smallest speck of interstellar dust.
There would be no time for regrouping, reevaluation, second attempts. We would move, and we would find ourselves blocked, or not.
‹Find?› murmured the ghost of Tom Berenson.
‹An interesting inversion,› observed Aximili.
Because, of course, we would not find ourselves blocked. Would not know or recognize defeat, since—presumably—it would come in the form of instantaneous death.
There were constraints. Rachel had—unfortunately—had less-than-perfect access to the arbiter, had not been suddenly granted omniscience or omnipotence or any particular power. She had said—
Well. Not said, precisely, any more than Perdão or Elfangor or Aximili or Tom spoke to one another within our own shared mind.
But she had known, and we had seen—
It’s like a door handle. Or—or a button, or—
Confused metaphors, a jumble of impressions and images, alongside her own direct perceptions. An object whose shape implied its purpose, a felt sense of what-could-be-accomplished.
There were potencies that she could access, now. But we did not know what they were, nor what they would cost. And we had to presume that the moment she extended herself, Crayak would know—that any flexing of muscle in that domain would come with a corresponding enabling of our enemy.
Then how do we win? our war-prince had wondered, and we had seen—all of us—and carefully ignored—and been seen ignoring—the fraying panic underneath, the quiet desperation contained within the iron resolve, a layer of pretense and control made suddenly and uncomfortably transparent in the confusion of hypersight.
And the answer had been—crushingly—that Rachel did not know. That there were victory conditions—explicit ones, objective ones—and that the ghost of Toomin had left her some rough predictions of their basic shape—but that rough knowledge alone would not suffice. Yeerks, humans, and Andalites living together on Earth in stable harmony was a phrase easy enough to think, but horrendously difficult to make precise—not to mention that neither Crayak nor the Ellimist had particularly prioritized parsimony, each hoping to lose the other in unmanageable complexity.
Yeah, well, ‘everything’s dead’ seems straightforward enough, Marco had thought/felt/said/shared. Why hasn’t Crayak just glassed the planet? Like, even if the Ellimist was stopping it, before—
At a guess—
—because guesses were all we had, a terrifyingly fragile spiderweb of intuition—
—because the arbiter would not let it?
Bullshit. It can’t be that hard. Crayak doesn’t have enough influence left to move a rock?
Perhaps it was expensive, within the rules of the game.
Or maybe, Cassie had whispered—
—and then, as the eye of the-thing-that-was-all-of-us-together fell on her, she had flinched, shrunk, collapsed inward—just for a moment, and then a threshold was passed, and some other thing asserted itself, displaced the fear and self-consciousness and sent her expanding outward once more, all steely defiance aimed at nothing in particular—
—maybe it’s got something to do with the structures.
The vast complex of machinery, thousands of times the mass of the Earth itself, which the Ellimist had summoned for its killing blow against the Chee—
It hasn’t gone anywhere.
Valuable hardware, perhaps. Worth preserving—perhaps. Difficult to put back, into the nooks and crannies from which the Ellimist had dragged it, in haphazard haste—
Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.
The problem was not a lack of theories—it was that we had too many of them.
Perhaps Crayak was paralyzed.
Perhaps the Earth’s destruction was so assured that Crayak felt no sense of urgency—there were the patches of unknown black corruption slowly spreading across the surface, after all.
Perhaps the machinery surrounding it was too valuable to risk in something as swift—and messy—as a relativistic strike.
There’s also—uh—
It was very hard to not-think-something on purpose in Leeran hypersight.
—life, on Mars, these days.
Yet Crayak had essayed no moves in that direction, either—or at least, none we had detected.
In the end, we did not know. Could not be sure. And so, lacking confidence in our ability to even understand the game proper, let alone win it outright—
A plan emerged. A constellation of plans, the synthesis of the incoherent wanderings of our double handful of minds, filtered according to our collective sense of what-things-might-even-be-possible.
It was—as Toomin had said of its own frantic machinations—not a sound strategy.
But it could work. Was not, like so many other things we thought of, and discarded, guaranteed to fail.
It relied on a few simple principles—assumptions which, should they prove false, would mean we were doomed anyway, and thus could be relied upon:
One, that Crayak truly did not know we were coming, yet. Was impaired, or distracted, or otherwise blinded; might perhaps have contingencies ready but was not focused on thwarting us-in-particular.
Two, that it would see us, once we began moving in earnest—once one of us morphed, say, or once we left the immediate confines of whatever illusion Toomin had wrapped around us.
Three, that it would not be unlimited in its capacity to respond—that it could not be everywhere at once.
Four, that once Rachel in fact opened the door she sensed, she would be able to do something to aid us. To aid some of us, at least, if not all.
And five—
—the most uncertain—
—the assumption that produced the deepest hesitation, the gravest misgivings—
—yet also the one which caused the scattered fragments of intention to cohere, to fuse together into a single, workable whole—
Okay, fine, but I want it on record that the universe DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.
It was the Marco version of Cassie and Prince Jake’s self-conscious contraction—an embarrassed backpedal, since it had been Marco’s own musings that led to the tentative hypothesis—
Why did they bother treating us like people at all?
The gods—Crayak, and the Ellimist.
Why did they not just—just—
He had not been able to finish the sentence—but then, he had not needed to.
At the level of sophistication employed by Crayak and the Ellimist, there was no meaningful difference between a human being—or a Yeerk, or an Andalite—and a billiard ball rolling across a table. Whatever magic underlay the experience of self-awareness, it was still made up, at its base, of the simple interaction of matter and energy. It was only the intricate delicacy of the systems involved that created the illusion of opacity—forced us, from our limited perspectives, to abandon straightforward mechanical explanations and imagine intrinsic, ephemeral properties like agency or free will.
But Crayak and the Ellimist were not so constrained. By rights, both of them should have been free to simply—reconfigure us. Should in theory have been capable—as Toomin clearly had been—of subjecting us to precisely crafted stimuli that would simply cause us to believe whatever they wanted us to believe, and act as they wanted us to act.
Or just editing our brains directly, while we were in morph.
Maybe they did, Tobias had countered. Would we know?
A horrified pause, a moment of unhinged pre-panic, and then our war-prince’s quiet pragmatism brought us back to ground.
We had no choice but to ignore possibilities like that—not because they couldn’t be true, but because it would not matter if they were.
A complicated mental picture accompanied the thought, couched in the language of an unfamiliar game, one which took a moment to fully absorb and appreciate—
If you’re playing Magic or—or blackjack or something, I don’t know—if there’s no way to win unless you draw a specific card in the next three turns or whatever—
The parts of us that were Aximili and Elfangor had nodded in recognition of a core military principle. It made no difference whether the odds of drawing that specific card were one in three, or one in three thousand—if it were genuinely the case that all of one’s hopes of victory hinged upon it, then one should behave as if one were guaranteed to draw it, and take only those actions which were optimal in that swath of possibility.
Always, there was a temptation to divide one’s efforts—but softening a crash that would be fatal regardless, at the expense of one’s remaining margin in the branches where one might survive—
There was nothing to be gained by playing around the possibility of mental manipulation, since mental manipulation meant we had already lost. Even if it was overwhelmingly likely, we had to proceed as if it were not.
Cassie’s persuasion did not seem supernatural, Perdão had mused. And the intervention on Marco—snipping out his impression of David—that was comprehensible, not miraculous. You understood it after the fact.
And so, the hypothesis: that the gods were somehow limited in their ability to interfere with their pawns. That for whatever reason—whether because of the lingering influence of Toomin, or perhaps to forestall an arms race of manipulation and counter-manipulation that would be no different from war in the first place—the rules of the game had forbidden direct edits to our mental states.
Well, not forbidden—
But surely they must have been rare, and costly—not, for instance, the sort of thing that was casually done every time any one of us morphed. We had observed only the one instance—the one the avatar had acknowledged, the one the Visser had detected. All the rest had been mundane persuasion, and the skillful arrangement of incentives and circumstance.
Which meant—
No, it does NOT ‘mean’ that, that’s not what ‘mean’ means—
Our war-prince had conceded the point, and begun anew.
We probably have a fair shot.
To—
That’s the question.
We could not actually escape, in any meaningful sense—if nothing else, Crayak presumably possessed the capacity to release quantum viruses for each of our respective species, leaving us with maximum life expectancies of not-very-many seconds. It likely could not exercise that option yet, being still at least partially constrained by the arbiter, but that gave us hours or days, not years or decades.
It was possible, though, that if we presented sufficiently widely spaced targets, we could tax Crayak’s ability to respond effectively.
And while he’s ‘taxed’—
Rachel.
Clearly, it would depend on Rachel. How, we did not know. But the answers, if there were any—the card we so desperately needed to draw—if it existed at all, it lay beyond the door that only she could see.
Which made things much simpler, for the rest of us. Our job was to draw Crayak out, make moves that would be maximally expensive for it to counter. To distract, to confuse, to hamper and harass.
We had several good ideas.
Not as many as we might have had, if we had given ourselves longer to think, but enough to draw begrudging approval from Marco and even a grim chuckle from the dain of Elfangor.
And—
(It was a small thing, but it still felt meaningful, somehow.)
—there was room enough, in the overall strategy, for each of us to play a part appropriate to our own individual strengths. To choose, from among the menu of options, one which felt right, on a personal level.
Better still, there was reason to act in character, as it were—it made each gambit more credible, made them harder to dismiss as bluffs or feints.
(It also made us marginally easier to predict, perhaps, but it was not as if we could succeed at making ourselves hard to predict, at this point. We were wholly reliant on Crayak not bothering to try until things were already in motion.)
And so we found ourselves—Aximili, Elfangor, Tom Berenson, and Perdão—alone on the fourth of four arks, with a makeshift hyperdrive on a countdown timer, aimed directly at the Andalite homeworld.
We could not guess what shape it would be in, after weeks of open war with the Visser, followed by his sudden death by quantum virus. We expected things to be chaotic, and dangerous. We were not expecting welcome, and were armed, and planning to be cautious.
But we were also optimistic. Carried aboard our tiny vessel a tiny, frozen coalescion, just barely large enough to produce its own kandrona. Given time, and a not-unreasonable amount of luck, it—and we—could be the seed of a new beginning, the primogenitor of an altogether new way of life.
(We did not fool ourselves. We knew that most of our possible futures ended abruptly just after the jump to Z-space, and that even those precious few in which we made good our escape were more likely to end in darkness than in light. But if these were to be our last breaths, we would spend them with all four eyes turned toward that light. On that, every part of our collective self agreed.)
It was strange, to have withdrawn from the immediate fight. Stranger still to be in the vanguard of hope, the ship most likely to evade detection.
(Or least unlikely, anyway.)
But there had been no other sensible option, and we had not bothered to mount a pretense of objection. Terra would not leave the New Day’s Dawn without its hosts, and even Telor would not have fit within the confines of the miniature cradle. As for the other coalescions, they were not yet—
(Ready, Perdão offered diplomatically.)
—to extend a credible offer of peace and cooperation to the traumatized Andalite population.
And besides—
Strangest of all, to think it, with everything so close to disaster. But—
The Earth—
The war—
Even, in truth, the Yeerk and Andalite empires—
They all seemed so small, now.
Too small.
If there was to be a future, after this moment, we would not be content with our former place, nor indeed with any of the places that our respective peoples had carved out in advance. Our ambitions had grown—could no longer be satisfied in an isolated corner of a single galaxy.
We were hungry for more. Hungry, and eager. There was so much that we could accomplish, so much that we could build.
And so we had agreed, and so it was done.
Or—well—not quite done.
But soon.
Soon.
* * *
— Cassie—
It wasn’t like they were judging me.
I mean, it wasn’t like they weren’t judging me, either. Not exactly.
It was more like—
I don’t know. There was a—a fantasy, a fairy tale, one of those conversations you run in your head in the shower, where I had the thought, proposed the idea, and then Marco gave me one of his Marco looks and said something snide and infuriatingly obtuse, like what, suddenly NOW you’re all gung-ho to pull the trigger?
And in that imaginary conversation, I had to defend myself, explain myself, even though it wasn’t fair—cut past all the raised eyebrows and point out that things had changed a lot in the past half hour, thank you very much and that no, I wasn’t stupid, and no, I wasn’t some—some kind of zealot, I was capable of changing my mind in response to new developments, you know.
And then in some branch off that branch, some even more specific imagining, Marco raised an eyebrow and said something like touched a nerve, huh? Or worse, Jake would say something soothing and reasonable, something to—to calm me down, and it would be entirely well-intentioned and friendly and warm but at its core it would still be motivated by—by—by like flinching away from intensity, or something, like there wasn’t room for me to have any kind of big feelings, if I had any big feelings it would ruffle everybody’s feathers and then something would have to be done about that, so it was up to me, I could either be a bother or I could choke myself off and not say anything in the first place—
And of course all of that was really just an excuse, my brain trying to find something it could lash out at, a way to dodge the fact that I was feeling—feeling torn, and ashamed, I was pretty sure it was the right move but I couldn’t tell whether I thought that just because I was scared.
No, not scared. Terrified.
I was terrified, because I’d mustered every scrap of courage I had to run back into the frozen hell of the Yeerk pool, and then I had—I’d thought that I had died, I’d been shot and trapped and I’d braced myself for the end, and then I’d woken up in the middle of an argument with the survival of two whole species in the balance, and I’d managed to avert a literal genocide basically just because Jake was willing to humor me, even though I was pretty sure the rest of them thought I was crazy and a hippie tree-hugger and they didn’t get it, it wasn’t about that at all, I don’t think even Jake understood, really—
And then it had turned out that all that was just—just the fuse, or something, the spark that had set off the real fireworks, and then the closest thing there was to an actual god had been torn apart right in front of me, torn apart just like Elfangor had been, and then the Visser, too, like—like Thanos had snapped his fingers or something, and now the entire planet was surrounded and it looked like it was being transformed, somehow, like the whole surface was slowly being Borgified—
So yes, I was terrified, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of dealing with it, actually, but at the same time I couldn’t help noticing that I had suddenly flip-flopped on what seemed like a pretty important question, and I really couldn’t rule out that I was just pretending I had reasons, to cover for the fact that deep down I secretly just wanted it all to go away.
And all of this while all of them could see me, they were all there inside my head with me, looking past the mask—looking at the mask, suddenly I was naked in front of them, in front of Rachel, in front of Jake, suddenly they knew, it was all on display, at least the first time, with the Visser, it had only been a couple of minutes but this time it just kept going—
They hadn’t said anything.
But they’d seen, and I’d seen them seeing, could see their reaction to—to—
Uh, said Jake. Or thought. Or whatever. …Cassie?
And something—broke, then. Broke, or maybe just separated, I’m not really sure how to describe it, but suddenly there was a shift, and it no longer felt like the voice—
—the voice that was always lurking, just behind my shoulder, the one that was always whispering about what a good person would or wouldn’t do, the one that was currently telling me that they were all going to think I was crazy—
—it no longer felt like that voice was me. Suddenly I was hearing it, from the outside, the way the rest of them were hearing it—like it was its own separate person. Suddenly I was noticing what it was doing, rather than what-it-was-doing just sort of being—
—the default?
And I didn’t even know what that meant, was still trying to process it, but also I was in the way, this little panic attack or freak-out or whatever it was, it was taking up space, holding everybody up—
Actually, no. That was the voice again, wasn’t it?
But anyway, there were infinitely more important things to do, and so I just—
Pushed.
It.
All.
Down, and tried to start over.
The word ooooookay oozed off Marco, as the rest of them tried not to move. So what I’m getting is, Cassie now thinks that maybe we should take out the Howlers, and definitely this has nothing to do with, um, anything. We are not drawing any conclusions about Cassie at all from this fact.
And I would have screamed, except that I could tell—since I was inside his head, too—that it was all completely genuine, he meant it without even a trace of sarcasm, Marco really actually was trying his best to—to cooperate, or something, trying to work with me, and that made me want to scream.
Jake, wavering, unsure whether to reach out and take my hand—
Can we please just not all of this please?
It was Perdão who rescued me—us—Perdão, who as a Yeerk had plenty of experience dealing with crazy humans being crazy inside their own crazy heads—
The quantum virus is prepped and ready, Perdão said, deliberately injecting the words into the mind meld, giving each one its own crisp, clean edge.
We don’t think maybe the Visser—
—left a deadman switch, was the second half of Garrett’s thought, but he didn’t need to finish it, since at that exact moment we were all remembering our previous glimpse inside the Visser’s mind, along with the fact that he’d already died once before and the Mars base didn’t blow up then, so.
I mean, the whole point is to catch Crayak’s attention, right? I argued, trying to ignore my own reflexive wince as the voice whispered that I was still coming on too strong, I sounded defensive, they were going to jump all over that—
Not merely the premade virus, said the part of Helium that was somehow a leftover ghost of Elfangor. The laboratory also contains the necessary components to design and manufacture more.
Which made it a credible threat. Something Crayak would need to answer.
An actual real contribution to the overall plan.
Is that what this is all about?
Yes. Of course.
I was tired of being—being the brakes, was not at all comfortable with the fact that I had been used as the brakes—been brought back on the assumption that if you just—added me to a situation, I would bring it all to a screeching halt—
Cassie. That is not—
Yeah, I knew that wasn’t reasonable, I knew that wasn’t how it worked, I knew that wasn’t a fair description of what had happened, I got it, thanks—
You being—Jesus, you’re NOT the brakes but to the extent that you ARE the brakes that’s a GOOD thing—
Can you please give me ONE. GODDAMN. MINUTE.
Shocked silence.
Good.
I couldn’t—couldn’t breathe, could not think like this, there was a reason that things worked the way they did inside my head, I needed time to produce thoughts, actions, answers that I was okay with, I couldn’t—couldn’t start with only perfectly logical and reasonable thoughts, this was suffocating—
I, I thought, slowly and carefully, need room to be wrong. In my head. I need to be allowed to think wrong thoughts, and roll them around, and see that they’re wrong for myself, and then fix them, myself.
It was bad enough, when I just had my own mental second-guesser cutting me down. With all of them watching—listening—judging—
They got it.
They got it, and—somehow—backed off. Or maybe it changed on my end, I don’t know—maybe the sudden sensation of space was entirely in my own head, and maybe the suffocating-feeling had been my fault, too—
It doesn’t matter.
I didn’t have to know the answer.
What mattered was finding a way to help. Finding a way to pitch in, to be a part—to not be the brakes this time, because this time there was no slippery slope to worry about. No dangerous precedents. This time, we either won—fully, finally, decisively—or it was all over.
I can do this. I can get to Mars, and pull the trigger, if Crayak doesn’t stop me.
And then—at that point—
I would already be on Mars.
Once more, understanding flowed outward, spreading throughout the circle, followed by acceptance, acknowledgement, agreement.
All right. So that’s Tobias, Garrett, Helium, and Cassie accounted for.
And then we were on to the next thing, and I sank back out of the spotlight, became just another voice in the chorus.
Somewhere, in the back of my head, a voice tried to tell me all the ways I was bad—all the rules I was breaking, all the mistakes I was making, a laundry list of possible hypocrisies.
Let’s not forget what happened the last time you did something just because you were tired of doing nothing—
But the voice didn’t have me anymore.
I had it.
The boy is alive, I whispered back. He’s alive today, right now, in the other room. He’s alive, and he wouldn’t be, if I hadn’t gone back for him.
That wasn’t enough. But it wasn’t nothing, either. And if the best I could do wasn’t good, if it wasn’t sufficient—
That didn’t make it any less my best.
Jake’s hand didn’t surprise me, when it slipped into mine. It couldn’t have—I was Jake, just as much as I was myself—felt the reaching-out as if I was the one doing it.
But it was warm, and it was good, and as far as we knew, it was the very last time.
I didn’t second-guess it.
Chapter 80: Chapter 52
Notes:
Dear Professor,
I'm aware that the due date for this essay was midnight on Sunday, and that I'm turning it in at 2AM on Tuesday morning. I hope you will forgive the lateness; I would have asked for an extension earlier but I did not anticipate having to fly to New York AND Seattle this week, and things just kind of piled up.
The current plan is to publish Chapter 53 (Rachel) on June 13, and to publish the final chapter on June 20. There is a 25% chance that I will need to slide things back one (1) week, to June 20 and June 27.
It has been an absolute honor to go on this journey with you. This is one of the top ten accomplishments of my entire life, and I am deeply grateful to you for all your attention and feedback over the years. As always, if you get a chance, please leave feedback, either here or over on r/rational. With this chapter in particular, I'm prepared to make late edits—the broad strokes are pretty much set, but I literally finished writing it ten minutes ago, and will definitely be revisiting to make small corrections and improvements.
Thank you all. <3 <3 <3
Chapter Text
Chapter 52
— Vasco (Marco 4294967296)—
I didn’t open my eyes.
It wouldn’t have helped, anyway—the sealed chamber was pitch black, as it had been since the moment the Visser Three slug had died inside my head.
But there’s something about staring into total blackness with your eyes open that’s just worse than having your eyes squeezed shut. It’s not that I was pretending. I knew what was going on. I just—
Didn’t open my eyes.
I’d already tried everything in my arsenal, to no avail—rhino, elephant, Taxxon. But Visser Three was no idiot. He’d done it right. The walls of the chamber where I was imprisoned were seamless, solid, indestructible. The only way out was for someone to come cut me out.
And that—
That wasn’t happening any time soon.
Edriss? Can you hear me?
Silence. Just silence, as there had been for hours. I wasn’t sure if Visser Three had taken her out, somehow—some kind of deadman’s switch—or whether whatever had gotten him had gotten her, too, or whether she was keeping quiet for her own inscrutable reasons.
But if she was dead—if there was no way for the others to find me, nothing to tell them where I was being kept—
I felt the panic rising, and clamped down on it, hard.
Stay alive.
Stay alive, and stay sane.
I tried to keep my breathing shallow as I refocused, as my body shrank again—taking as little as I could of the remaining oxygen in the chamber, adding as little as I could to the rising CO2 levels. I’d wasted maybe half of my air before realizing that the filtration was no longer working, and the tiny room was already stifling, the air heavy and lifeless.
How many morphs could I manage? Ten? Twenty? Each transformation used up another two or three minutes, bought me another two hours—
Slowly—so slowly—the transformation continued, the body of the fly asserting itself as my skin and bones and muscle melted away.
Just hang on.
They’d be coming, if they could.
And if they couldn’t—
Just hang on.
* * *
— Jake—
The hatch slid shut with a soft hiss, and the tube detached with a sort of whumpf sound, and then Marco and I were alone on the bridge of the pool ship.
It was one of the smaller ones—stadium-sized rather than suburb-sized. The larger pool ships all had multiple chambers—multiple coalescions—and it would have taken hours to deal with the logistics of emptying one.
Even the smallest pool ships were huge, though. Bigger than all but maybe the very largest aircraft carriers, and just as heavily armed—shields, missiles, whole rows of Dracon beams—a quarter complement of four Bug fighters that Helium had slaved to the main computer so we could pilot them remotely—and, of course, a hyperdrive.
It was weird, how not-weird it was. How strange it felt, to be sitting on top of enough firepower to end a world war in minutes, and not feel out-of-control, out-of-our-depth.
Or at least, not about that. The rest of it…
I glanced over at Marco, whose face was sort of pinched, his eyes narrowed at nothing in particular.
“It’s not actually how things work,” I offered, trying to sound reassuring.
Marco’s head didn’t turn. “I know,” he said. “I know, all right? But like, my brain doesn’t. My brain has seen a lot of movies.”
You know how, like, you can always tell if the plan is going to work or not? Like in a heist movie or whatever? Like, if they explain it all up front, then you just know something’s going to go sideways—
I opened my mouth, thought better of it, closed it again. Marco was—Marco was going to be Marco. Even if I could fix it, somehow—get his mind to let go of it—he’d just end up latching onto the next thing. In fact, he was probably stewing on heist movies specifically to avoid thinking about what came next.
I glanced toward the main console, at the pair of timers ticking downward, one eight and a half minutes ahead of the other.
It was a complicated plan, sort of. Lots of moving parts. Different people in the dark about different things, different decisions happening where not everyone could see. I’d pushed my black box to its absolute limit, both in the Leeran hypersight mind-meld and after we’d broken it and gone back to our own individual heads.
But from another angle, it was the simplest plan we’d ever made. There were no contingencies, no real tricks. No branches except for the very first one. Almost all of the moves would happen in the first five seconds, and everything else in the minute or so after. And the only thing we had in place to deal with unpleasant surprises was—
Well. Us.
Each of us, on our own, doing whatever made sense in our own little corner of the battlefield. Cassie, on Mars, releasing the Howler virus and extracting her parents (and hopefully everyone else).
Helium, on their way to the Andalite homeworld to try to start a new religion.
Tobias and Garrett, with Terra aboard the Chee ship (unless he’d switched into one of the pool ships as cover).
Telor and the other Yeerks, heading in a dozen different directions.
Magellan, with his swarm of Bug fighters.
Rachel, on board her own fighter.
And me and Marco. Unassigned. Available. Flexible. There to wait, and watch, and do our best to react. A tiny, insignificant reserve.
We’d thought about splitting up. Putting ourselves in separate ships, spreading out, making ourselves marginally harder to target and marginally harder to stop.
But the odds of Crayak being that close, being foiled by something that small—
It was a risk. Not even a risk—it was an expense. A cost. It was us burning some of our hideously limited budget, leaving a tiny sliver of advantage on the table.
And it really might actually make the difference. Might end up being the one thing that pushed us from just enough to not quite.
There had been a part of me that had been swayed by that. That had risen up in response, like it was a magnet.
But even setting aside the fact that it actually seemed really, really, really unlikely for everything to come down to that—
I don’t know. Maybe I was being stupid. Maybe crazy, even. Maybe I’d spent too much time thinking about Cassie, drinking in Cassie during the mind-meld.
But like.
You can’t sacrifice everything.
I know people say that, and they usually mean something dumb when they do. Like, they’re grandstanding, or trying to justify the fact that they just don’t want to, or whatever. They say it like it’s the end of the argument, and it’s not.
And clearly, if ever there was a time to pull out all the stops—to do literally everything we could—this was it.
But you can’t sacrifice everything.
Like, there’s Gift of the Magi type mistakes, and then there’s becoming-the-very-thing-you-swore-to-destroy type mistakes, and then—
I don’t know.
It wouldn’t make sense, for instance, to sacrifice every single living species to try to stop Crayak. Like, if I somehow had the power, if some genie gave me a button to press. I wouldn’t be saving anything, doing that. There wouldn’t be any point to it.
Or—
Gah.
I guess maybe I would be saving the chance of life starting up again on its own, or something. But still.
Still.
There was something about the sheer magnitude of what we were facing, the raw mind-melting hugeness of it all, that had—had broken me out of something. Some weird mental pattern, some wrong-scale monkey delusion. Like I hadn’t known what to do, so I’d been stockpiling toilet paper. And now—
Now, I still didn’t know what to do, but I at least recognized that stockpiling toilet paper wasn’t helping, and that pretending that stockpiling toilet paper was somehow making things better was itself making things worse.
And it wasn’t exactly that, that I was feeling, but there was something like that rattling around inside my head—some complicated, half-formed thing about duty and obligation and sacrifice and guilt and the stupid things we do when we’re scared and not thinking straight—
We were just kids, you know?
I was just a kid.
And I know that kind of doesn’t matter, kids have been raped and murdered and turned into child soldiers and sold as slaves, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t protect you from anything, but.
We were just a bunch of ordinary kids taking a shortcut home from the mall at night. Even Rachel. The ur-Ellimist might’ve made a pattern out of us, but we were just regular pawns. Nothing supernatural or magical.
Just kids.
And there was a ship, and there was an alien, and this sneaky, corrosive, insidious worm of knowledge—that we weren’t alone, that we weren’t safe. That nothing was what it seemed. That the enemy was everywhere, might be hiding behind anyone.
Like—like Adam and Eve. Infected with the knowledge of good and evil. Knowledge of betrayal, and terror, and horror.
And along with that, the power.
That was the worst part—as I looked back, now, at the end. It was the power that made us responsible, see? Without the morphing power, the knowledge would have just been a worm of fear, eating us up from the inside. Without the power, we wouldn’t have had any reason to hope.
But the power—it was the power that turned the fear into obligation, put the weight of the war on our shoulders.
You can become any creature you touch, Elfangor had whispered.
Power.
Enough to win?
No.
Enough to fight, though?
Ah, yes. Just enough. Just enough, little Jake, here is just enough power to imprison you in a cage of duty, to make it your problem, to make it impossible for you to walk away and still live with yourself.
I remembered that very first morning. Standing there, in Cassie’s barn, listening to Marco ranting to us about stakes.
We’d thought we were saving the world, then. Just the world, if I were describing it now. Just the human species. Back before things had slipped, and swelled, and we’d found ourselves taking responsibility for humans and Yeerks and Andalites—before Visser Three had come into his own and it had become a fight for the entire galaxy—before the Ellimist had popped up and revealed that lol, it’s actually been about the whole goddamn universe since the beginning.
And it’s not that I would have chosen differently. Like, it’s not that I would have ducked the responsibility, if somebody sent me back in time and let me do it all over again. I mean, I could stop now. I could have stopped at any time. The whole point was that it was my own morals that kept me going. My own sense of right and wrong that wouldn’t let me walk away.
I wouldn’t have pushed this off onto somebody else, kid or no kid. Not unless they were stronger, wiser, smarter, better—unless they would have actually done better with it.
And even then—
I mean, if there was somebody out there who would have actually done better—
Better still if we’d both been in the fight, right?
So it wasn’t that I was resentful, exactly. Or—well—I was, but I was resentful at myself as much as at the universe. It wasn’t like I thought I deserved something different, or anything like that. It was just that—
That—
It was like I’d been—been playing a part. Like I’d been going to church because mommy and daddy made me, and singing the songs so I’d get a gold star, and then one day I’d woken up and realized that God exists. Like I’d been making myself do it because I was supposed to do it, even though I was the one doing the supposing, and now—
Now I was in it for real. Was in it myself, was in it for myself, felt like I’d actually chosen the thing that I’d been halfway making myself choose all along.
And along with that—
I just wasn’t going to.
I just wasn’t going to say goodbye to my best friend, again, and go off in separate directions, again, and have something go wrong again where one of us—one of us—where the other one was just—just helpless—
Not again.
Not ever again.
I was not going to do that. That one thing was just not going to go on the sacrificial altar. That one thing was going to be a part of what we were saving, rather than being a part of what we were giving up in order to save everything else.
I was willing to give up Marco’s life, and I was willing to give up my own life—I was willing to give up all of us, when it came right down to it—but I wasn’t willing to give up us.
Not when I didn’t absolutely have to. Not when it probably wouldn’t buy us anything at all.
And maybe I was lying to myself, deceiving myself—maybe all of that was really just a long and complicated way of justifying I don’t wanna. Maybe I really should have insisted that we get into two separate ships, for whatever tiny bit it added to our chances.
But I didn’t think so. I really didn’t think so, and it didn’t—didn’t feel dirty, the way it did when I was trying to talk myself into something, or trying to hide something from myself. Didn’t feel like an excuse, didn’t smell like bullshit.
It just felt like a-fact-about-Jake. A good fact, a clean fact.
Marco and I—
We were going to ride this one out together. Whether we’d earned that or not—whether earning it even made sense as a concept or not.
“Probes all set?” I asked, more to pull myself out of my own head than anything else.
“Still green,” he answered.
I glanced at the timers again.
Three minutes. In three minutes, Rachel would flex her new muscles, and then—
I frowned. Then we’d know, is what my brain had produced, but that wasn’t quite right.
Then we’ll see.
Yeah. That was better.
Across the bridge, Marco stirred—seemed to shake himself out of a daydream, and turned to look at me.
I looked back. Locked eyes, and tried to think if there was anything left to say.
The silence stretched out.
“Yeah, me, neither,” Marco quipped.
I grinned. “Got any last jokes?” I asked.
“A million of them. But they’re all of the you’re-going-straight-to-hell variety, and under the circumstances…”
Marco turned, and stepped toward the console, sliding into one of the two too-large chairs in front of the central panel. I mirrored him, shivering a little as the cold metal sucked the heat out through my back.
“Two and a half,” he said softly.
“Yeah.”
There was a silence about a tenth as long as all the time left in the world.
“Jake.”
“Yeah?”
“Is this going to work?”
I turned my head.
Marco wasn’t looking at me. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes glassy, his face a wax mask. It was the same face he’d worn when he’d turned away from his dad without saying goodbye. The same face he’d worn for half a year after his mom had disappeared.
Isn’t it my job to ask you that one?
The joke died on my lips.
Reaching out, I grabbed his hand. Not to squeeze it or anything. Not to try to—to reassure him, or something, to say hey, come on, don’t be like that.
Just—
Because.
Because it was better to be holding his hand than to not be holding it.
“If Crayak knew we were coming, we’d already be dead,” I said. “Since we’re not dead—”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to feed the situation into my black box—to see the whole thing all at once, from a god’s-eye view.
Is it going to work? I whispered.
But what came back wasn’t an answer. Nor was it some perfect pithy remark—a clever joke or a deep observation, something to deflect or distract.
It was just the truth.
“I hope so,” I said.
I did squeeze his hand, then—tight, almost too tight. He didn’t look over, but the waxen look softened just a bit—just enough to say yeah, me, too.
Gently, he pulled his hand free and leaned forward, spreading his fingers across the controls.
“Dovie’andi se tovya sagain,” he whispered.
I felt another grin tugging at my lips.
Yeah. You made the right call.
“One minute,” I said.
* * *
— Tobias—
“Are you saying that I—that I can’t—I’m not allowed to?”
Garrett’s voice had gone suddenly taut, all the slack taken out of it. His eyes were sharp, but his chin trembled like he was about to cry, and some quiet part of my brain noted that he’d just won the argument.
Not allowed—
“No,” I said firmly, trying to—to—to what, head things off? Take it back?
To make that look go away.
“No,” I repeated. “That’s not what I’m saying. At all.”
If Garrett got it into his head that this was some kind of rule—
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying—”
I paused.
Uh. Help?
I felt Maninho lean in, a sensation of mental closeness like someone breathing just behind my shoulder.
‹Are you—do you not want him to?›
It was funny. Maninho knew everything I knew—was a witness to every single thought that crossed my mind, saw and heard and felt all of the same things I did.
But just because we both knew something didn’t mean that either of us could put it into words.
No, that’s not it, either.
I looked at Garrett—patient, waiting, his eyes focused somewhere around my elbow, his knuckles white against the bunched-up fabric of his pants.
I don’t want to think about it.
But that was stupid. It wasn’t the sort of thing I could afford to not-think-about. Not anymore, and especially not now.
“Look,” I said, trying to pull a coherent thought together. “I’m just—it’s just—”
‹It’s just sad, is all,› murmured Maninho.
What?
‹It’s sad. That’s why you’re having a hard time thinking about it.›
Yeah, no shit—
‹I mean say that. Tell him that.›
Oh. Right.
“I don’t like thinking about us not—not making it,” I said slowly. “About what happens if one of us—”
I trailed off. Garrett forced his eyes high enough to give me a look.
“Yeah, okay, fine,” I grumbled.
It shouldn’t have taken me by surprise. It really shouldn’t have. After all, Garrett and I were both morph clones already. Resurrected. Reincarnated.
But still—
If it doesn’t work, Garrett had said. If this doesn’t work, and—and we end up separated, and I can’t get in touch with you and I don’t know what’s happened and I don’t know where you are—
He’d told me he was planning to make a copy of me.
He’d told me he was planning to make a copy of me, and he’d asked me to make a copy of him, if he didn’t make it, and I’d panicked a little because on the one hand I didn’t want him to sacrifice himself for me—again—but on the other hand maybe I would actually want to sacrifice myself to bring him back—maybe—and it obviously wasn’t fair or reasonable to tell him he couldn’t do the same, and also if both of us would rather the other one survive then whichever one of us woke up in the end was going to have a problem—
And that’s when he’d cut in to say no, not like that.
Not like that, because—he said—if we actually made it through this whole crisis, then there was a good chance the survivors would have all the time in the world, on the far side, and he was figuring he could morph into Quatazhinnikon however many times it took to build a bio-lab capable of scanning and making a perfect duplicate of his own Tobias morph, which was definitely possible because look at what Quat had done with Visser Three—
And then I’d mumbled something stupid like but what if you do that and then I show up anyway, and he’d gotten this look on his face, like he was almost hopeful—
“There’s a bunch of Marcos,” he pointed out softly.
“I know,” I said. “But—”
‹But what?› Maninho nudged.
But none of them were the real Marco, was what my brain wanted to say. What my brain said, in its mental sandbox—in the place where thoughts formed before I decided to put my name on them and call them mine.
And that’s when I realized—for the first time—that there were two different things going on, two things I’d been mixing up:
There was whether or not I got to live—me, the person who was sitting here, right this second, thinking these thoughts.
And there was whether or not my little brother Garrett got to have his big brother Tobias around.
And if I got outside of my own head for a minute, and just asked myself the question, did I want Garrett to be able to have Tobias around to watch his back, the answer was obviously yes.
And it didn’t much matter to me whether it was me, specifically, or another copy of me—not when I considered the question just from Garrett’s point of view. Like, if I assumed that I was going to die either way, and the question was whether I wanted Garrett to be able to make a clone copy of me or not, then the world where he made a clone copy of me was just better.
And it was kind of even better for me, when I thought about it, even though I’d be dead. Like, obviously I wanted Garrett to be happy and safe whether I was around to see it or not—it wasn’t about me getting to see him be happy, it would matter to me even if I knew I was about to die.
And there were other things like that—other things where I cared about the difference between A or B even if I was never going to see the results myself. And future Tobias-copies would care about those differences the same way I did, and would do pretty much the same things I would do, to try to make the good things happen—would be better at it than Jake or Rachel or Marco or even Garrett, from my own selfish perspective, since all of them wanted a slightly different set of things, would prioritize a slightly different set of things.
And all of that flashed through my head all at once, not in words exactly but wrapped up in a sort of oh, duh feeling. And when I compared the universe where, say, Garrett made a Tobias clone and I ended up having to share space with it and it was kind of weird—
When I compared that with a universe where Garrett held back from making a Tobias clone, even though he could and he desperately wanted to, because he thought that me maybe being sad about it mattered more—
“But nothing,” I said. “Never mind. I was being stupid.”
Garrett’s face didn’t relax.
“It’s a good plan,” I continued. “It took me by surprise, and I had to think about it for a second. But I get it. I get it, and—and you can bring—you can do whatever you want with my morph, okay? If you need—if you think something is the right thing to do, I—I’m okay with it.”
I winced a little, then, because maybe that was too far, maybe that was a stronger promise than I’d needed and more than I could actually follow through on. But then Garrett was hugging me, a fierce embrace that almost hurt, his face buried in my shirt as we rocked back and forth, and I could feel myself—settling into it, or something. Feel myself shifting, reorienting, letting go of the world where I imagined I had some sort of control over what happened next—where I had that control because Garrett let me, because the fact he cared about how I felt gave me power over him.
I didn’t want that power.
And then he wasn’t hugging me, because of course he’d been keeping track of the time, and we were almost out of it. And I wanted to try one more time to get him to change his mind—get him to stay—but I didn’t, because I knew how it would go, and I didn’t want that. Didn’t want our last five minutes to be me undermining him, playing on his emotions, making him doubt and question a decision that was probably already one of the hardest ones he’d ever made.
Besides—he was right, and we both knew it.
And then the acquiring trance passed over me, which was my signal to acquire him, and as we pulled apart I had the thought, that at least we wouldn’t remember saying goodbye—that any clones either of us made would have memories that stopped a day or so ago, before the Ellimist’s death, before we’d even reunited, and so all the surprises would be happy.
And then Garrett pulled away, and looked up at me—looked straight into my eyes, not like he was making eye contact, exactly, but like he was taking it all in, taking a picture, making sure he had every last detail locked away.
“Love you,” he whispered.
“Love you, too, buddy,” I whispered back. “Good luck.”
“You, too.”
And then he slipped through the airlock and over to the Bug fighter where Rachel was waiting, and the fighter eased away, and the countdown went to zero, and the New Day’s Dawn leapt into Z-space, and the world didn’t end.
It didn’t end, and it kept on not-ending—I waited, my heart in my throat, for almost a minute, waited for anything to happen, anything at all.
And when I couldn’t wait any longer—
“Ship,” I called out. “Where are—did it work? Are we moving?”
“Yes!” the ship’s voice sang. “We are in Z-space, headed away from the Earth system at full speed! Distance traveled so far: zero point seven four one lightyears! Time to destination: eleven days, two hours, forty-six minutes and twelve seconds…now!”
I felt myself go limp, slumping back into the chair. And then that wasn’t enough, so I slid out of the chair and rolled onto the soft, artificial grass—lay face down, my eyes closed.
There was energy coursing through me, pure adrenaline skittering up and down my limbs, a sick flutter in the center of my chest. I could feel my muscles wanting to flex, feel the urgent need to be up, to be running, to be doing—to take action, rather than just lying there while everything unfolded around me.
But there weren’t any actions to take, and so the energy just spun around me, pulsed through me, bounced back and forth inside me, going nowhere.
‹Not in control?› Maninho offered—cautiously, tentatively, like a child trying to suggest to an angry parent that they count to ten, and use their words. Like it was a life preserver, something I might grab onto to keep my head above water.
Not in control, never in control.
“Ship,” I called out again, the word muffled.
“Yes?”
But I didn’t say anything else. Didn’t ask anything, because the ship didn’t know, couldn’t know, wouldn’t be able to help with any of the questions I actually needed the answers to. That was the whole point, after all—to run as far and as fast as we could, escape the reach of Crayak while that reach was still restricted. To vanish into the night, wait for the storm to blow over. There was no such thing as one-way communication—if you could check in on what you’d left behind, then you hadn’t left it behind. Not really.
Time passed. Holograms appeared—Terra, wanting to check on me, pretending it was checking in on the overall situation, as if we didn’t both know it could just ask the ship directly. I sat up, and spoke to them, and they went away, and I lay back down.
At some point, I slept—must have fallen asleep, because I felt myself wake up, felt a sudden return to awareness a split second before my eyes opened.
I was still on the floor, still cradled by the soft, artificial grass. I felt clean and light and fresh, thanks to the microscopic ministrations of the ship—my muscles and joints nourished, my sweat scoured away. I started to sit up—
I stopped.
There was a piece of paper in my hand, pale and stiff and neatly folded.
A note.
I opened it. It was in my own handwriting.
Tobias,
I know you won’t like this. But Terra made me to be exactly what you need. Made me so that what you need is what I need, so that what’s good for you is what’s good for me. And trust me: you need this.
When you’re ready, tell the ship.
—Maninho
I blinked.
Maninho? I whispered, inside my own head.
There was no answer.
“I’m ready,” I said aloud, even though I wasn’t. “Ship. Whatever it is—”
There was a rustle of motion behind me, and I turned just in time, caught the last shimmers of transparency as the illusion faded away.
My jaw dropped.
My little brother smiled weakly, his eyes not quite meeting mine.
“You gave Maninho the morphing power,” he said softly. “Remember?”
* * *
— Cassie—
Ships returning to normal space from Z-space may adopt an almost arbitrary position, orientation, and direction.
That’s what Helium had told us, during the final, frantic scramble. It wasn’t like a rocket, or firing a gun—you didn’t have to be pointed in the right direction, and you didn’t need to ramp up. You could be flying forward, warp into Z-space, and come out behind where you’d been, if you wanted, and heading in the opposite direction at .9999999c, or at a dead stop, or drifting sideways.
Ships do not move into Z-space, after the fashion of an object passing through a doorway. They do not accelerate into it. The motivators create a field which envelops the ship, binding and penetrating every particle, and then that field is translated into Z-space, with specified Z-local velocity. The process is instantaneous and simultaneous, with no internal stress or force.
The major constraint, they’d said, was pinning down the exact correspondence you were hoping for. A jump from deep space into Z-space and back into deep space was easy—it didn’t take much calculation, and it had a healthy margin for error. If you were in between planets, a few million miles here or there was no big deal.
But to do a more precise jump—to leave normal space, travel through Z-space, and exit at an exact spot—especially if that spot was moving in complicated ways relative to the origin, rotation and revolution and procession—
It wasn’t that it was impossible. It’s just that it was hard. Hard enough that it usually wasn’t worth the effort—hard enough that the rest of our plan had ended up hinging around the calculation, everything waiting for the moment when the jump would be ready.
The thing was, no matter when we started, once we set everything in motion, I would have to get down to the surface and do what needed to be done in thirteen minutes and forty-three seconds. Every additional second we could shave off my flight time mattered—just a little under fourteen minutes to jump, land, break into the facility, trigger the quantum virus, and then—
Well. What happened after that didn’t really matter.
It wasn’t really a fourteen minute window, since we were fully expecting Crayak to do something to stop us—since the whole point was to force it to spend its resources containing us, leaving Rachel more room to maneuver. For all I knew, I was going to drop out of Z-space right into a brick wall.
But it could work. That was the key. It was a plausible threat, and I was going to do everything I could to carry it out.
We will be able to ensure that your ship exits at the ideal point, regardless of whether you take a direct path or need to route across the bridge. You will emerge approximately eighty miles above the surface, at the effective edge of the atmosphere, along a vector which should allow you to decelerate and land safely within two minutes. We recommend that you use your Dracon beams to cut through the facility ceiling here, in this chamber—
There was no Death Star weakness to Visser Three’s facility, but there were codes to disable its shields and other defenses—codes which Helium had programmed my fighter to broadcast. It would take maybe a minute to burn through the metal, shortcutting a complicated airlock procedure at the other end of the facility, and then another minute for the metal to cool before it was safe to maneuver the ship inside. Then traveling on foot maybe a hundred yards to the bio-lab where the virus was kept, and one more minute to cycle through the security protocol—helpfully lifted from Visser Three’s mind, helpfully designed to be handled by idiot minions.
It would take no time at all to trigger the virus itself. That, the Visser had made very, very easy.
Assuming that nothing went wrong—
You know what happens when you assume, girl. People say that dumb quote.
If by some miracle nothing went wrong, that would leave me about eight and a half minutes by the original countdown. Maybe more, if Crayak moved to slow things down, or if Rachel was in a position to offer some kind of help. Maybe less.
Probably less.
But eight and a half minutes, by default—eight and a half minutes before everything would go to hell without divine intervention.
Eight and a half minutes was not enough time.
I glanced down at the console, at the status indicators for the massive machine tucked into the Bug fighter’s hold, a cobbled-together monstrosity that Terra’s collaborators had finished welding into place with just minutes to spare. It was that machine that made this technically not a suicide mission, and it was still uncomfortably hard to tell whether that made things easier or not—
The speaker hummed.
“Cassie,” Jake’s voice murmured. Soft, quiet, like he was sitting right beside me. “Thirty seconds. You ready?”
No. Of course not.
“Ready,” I said.
What I didn’t say—
—along with a hundred other things, I guess—
—was good luck or goodbye or stay safe or I love you. After the hypersight—after my resurrection—after everything—
It was a small thing to complain about, I guess. Almost the least important thing, really.
But in a way, that was the problem.
The smallness, I mean.
Jake and I—
It had become clear, during the mind-meld, that we were no longer able to trick ourselves into believing that there would be some kind of happily-ever-after. Or—it wasn’t like we’d been trying to trick ourselves, exactly. But we’d been trying something, some kind of not-looking-straight-at-it, and it was clear now that it wasn’t going to work. Even if we won—even if the day somehow ended with something resembling victory—
Too much had happened, since that night in the construction site. Too many battles, too many compromises, too much death and pain. We had seen too much, done too much. Had chosen the greater good over one another too many times to ignore the fact that the greater good was greater. Had developed too wide a view to ever really go back to pretending that the other person could be—
Enough.
I did love Jake. I still did. And Jake still loved me. Neither of us had any doubt about that—it had been laid out in plain view for all of us to see.
But it just wasn’t enough.
And it never would be.
It hurt—but not as much as how little it hurt, hurt. How much of a blow was the absence of a blow. It felt like—like losing a religion, or something. Like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real and never was, and just going yeah, well, I guess I sort of always knew.
I was probably going to die today. So was Jake. And knowing that—
Knowing that, we’d still ended up in separate ships, heading in separate directions. According to every romance novel I’d ever read, I was supposed to feel like my heart was tearing in half. Instead, I just felt—
Sad.
“Five seconds.”
I reached out, placing my hands on the controls. There was nothing for me to do just yet—Helium had set up the computer to handle the jump and descent without my help. But I wanted to be ready, just in case—
Lol.
The timer ticked past zero—
“Blue light. Repeat, blue light, the rift is down.”
There was a flash like a lightning strike as the ship flickered into and out of Z-space, the screen showing pure white for the barest fraction of a second before fading to a vast field of red, the rust-colored surface of Mars rushing up toward me at breakneck speed—
“Pool ships away,” Jake said. “Magellan away, Tobias away, Helium away, Cassie away—Cassie, status?”
“Everything’s on track,” I answered, as the ship began to tremble and shudder against the thin atmosphere, a dull orange glow licking around the invisible shielding. “Morphing now.”
Keeping my hands in place, I focused, calling on the body of the Hork-Bajir—the same body I’d worn the day before, when we infiltrated the Yeerk pool.
“We’re getting some movement—okay. Okay, looks like—looks like we’ve got Howlers responding, Howler survivors breaking orbit. Magellan—”
“I see them.”
There was a tiny black spot visible in the center of the viewscreen in front of me—a dot smaller than a period on a page, growing slowly larger as I hurtled downward.
“I have eyes on the target,” I said, my voice turning rough as the morphing technology reshaped my throat. “ETA ninety seconds.”
“Copy,” said Jake.
“Going dark.”
“Copy.”
Twitching a finger that was more alien than human, I killed the connection and pulled up the targeting window. There was less turbulence than we’d anticipated—if I could get an early lock, I could start the process of cutting through the blast shielding early, shave off a few precious seconds—
Yes.
The twin bars of light lit up the screen, holding steady, converging on the black spot now less than thirty miles away. It was large enough now that it was visibly not-dot-shaped, a trio of black circles connected by narrow black rectangles, with smaller spokes and protrusions all helter-skelter. I looked back and forth between the targeting window, the timer, and the proximity detectors, hoping to get a heads-up if anything dangerous started heading my way—
Sixty seconds.
Fifty seconds.
Forty.
With thirty seconds left, I cut the power to the lasers. The roof of the largest dome was now a burning iris, red-hot metal shading to an almost blinding white on the edges of a central hole where the structure had either vaporized or fallen in. It was cooling rapidly as the pressurized air roared outward, flashing to white as the moisture froze in the cold Martian atmosphere.
I took one last look at the preprogrammed course, adjusted the final landing coordinates a hair, and leapt up from the bridge chair, my foot-claws clanging heavily on the metal deck. Threading my way through the ship, I stood beside the airlock, counting down the remaining time—thirty more seconds for the burn to finish cooling, and then ten for a smooth descent through the hole.
I took in a deep breath. The Hork-Bajir body would be able to withstand the cold for long enough to get inside, and had been designed to handle the whisper-thin atmosphere at the tops of the giant trees on the ruined Arn homeworld. I had a handheld Dracon beam in case the access codes didn’t work, and I needed to burn through one of the doors—
The ship settled to the ground with an audible crunch, a split second sooner than I had expected, the floor no longer perfectly level. I slapped the hatch control, and the metal slid aside with a hiss—
Oh.
Oh, god—
Bodies. There were bodies everywhere—human bodies, dozens of them—half of them burned or crushed or speckled with molten shrapnel—some of them still moving—over on the edges of the chamber they were pounding feebly against sealed hatches as frost crept over their skin—
The prisoners.
The prisoners, Visser Three’s slaves, my own classmates—
Hosts.
It all came together in my mind in a flash. They hadn’t been prisoners in the normal sense, of course they hadn’t, they’d been hosts, Visser Three had kept them under control directly, and when Crayak made its move—
They’d all been set free. Hours ago, when the quantum virus had taken out the slugs inside Vasco, inside Captain Han Pritcher, inside all of his hundreds of thousands of hosts. And they must have started organizing, started exploring the base—had left the barracks where I’d been expecting to find them—
They’d been looking for a way out.
I tried to speak, tried to shout, but the air was too thin, my Hork-Bajir vocal cords too clumsy. I leapt forward out of the ship, and the handful of still-conscious survivors flinched, cringed, scrambled and scrabbled and stumbled out of the way—
‹No!› I shouted. ‹Stop! I’m here to help!›
But they were in a blind panic, freezing and suffocating and decompressing all at once, god, some of them were—
I shut it out, shut out the horror and bounded toward the nearest door, pounding in the override codes and shoving the heavy slab of metal aside. A burst of pressurized air almost flattened me as it howled forward out of the corridor beyond, and I gestured wildly—
‹In here! Quick, in here, there’s air, please—›
A few of them moved, but slowly, too slowly, their faces purpling, and I started forward—
And then time stopped.
Not literally, like it had in the Yeerk pool. But for a moment—a single, crystalline moment, as I stepped toward the closest survivor, my arm reaching out in pure reflex—it was like my thoughts ceased being—I don’t know—a flowing river, a stream of consciousness, and instead became an explosion. Like my own tiny moment of hypersight, with everything piled up on top of itself, all of it happening at once.
I heard the old voice—the scathing self-critic, the one I’d never quite lived up to.
I heard the new voice—the one who’d decided she wasn’t going to let the old voice hurt her anymore, the one who’d decided that she was in control.
I heard my shoulder Marco, and my shoulder Rachel, and my shoulder Jake, and my shoulder parents, for a moment it felt like I could see all of their faces, imagine what each and every one of them would have to say about what was happening, about the fact that my arm was in the process of trying to save one person while the clock ticked down on the whole universe—
And in that moment it became clear to me, as it never had before—
—not even in the hypersight, with all of it laid out in front of me, because they didn’t even know it themselves, really, hadn’t put their fingers on it, given it a name—
It had always felt like something was missing, when people talked about trolley problems and nuclear deterrence and death penalties and actuarial tables, all the complicated ways to weigh lives against each other, all the cold-blooded calculations and level-headed sacrifices. Like there was something fundamentally wrong with hypothetical situations where the right answer was to give up one life to save ten others—something that made the obvious answer incomplete, something the question didn’t quite manage to take into account.
The people all around me, dead and dying and screaming soundlessly—
They were dead because of us. Because of me.
Not just in the trivial sense. Not just because I’d been the one piloting the ship, the one firing the gun.
We had known that Visser Three had infested the captives on Mars. Maybe we hadn’t ever consciously realized it, but the knowledge had to have been there. Had been sitting in Visser Three’s brain when Helium scraped it clean of every last bit of information about the Mars facility. We could have guessed that there would be people running around—that they wouldn’t just be waiting quietly in their barracks.
We could have, but we hadn’t.
Hadn’t bothered to.
And who knows? Even if we had put it together, maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything. A few hundred lives on the one hand, and literally everything else on the other—maybe we would have decided that it wasn’t worth the extra seconds to slow down and check, clear the area before venting it to the cold Martian air.
But whether we would have or not, we hadn’t, and now these deaths were on my shoulders. The blood was on my hands. And the fact that the right choice—
—the right choice, the sane choice, the moral choice, the only choice—
—the fact that the right thing to do was to leave them to die anyway—
—even though I might just as easily get to the virus in sixty seconds and end up not having needed the extra minutes at all—
I understood, now, what had been happening to Jake. Slowly, bit by bit, in the months that I’d been gone. Because when there was blood on your hands like that—when you had to choose between washing it off, or just—just carrying on anyway—
Of course there was a cost to that.
Of course it had a price.
The price was, you killed little bit of yourself. The bit of yourself that cared, the bit of yourself that couldn’t live with not fixing it. The bit of yourself that would rather let a billion unseen people die than turn your back on the one person crying for help right there in front of you.
That was the missing piece of the puzzle, the thing people were trying to gesture at when they used words like playing god.
As I checked myself, reversed direction and slipped through the door, sealing it behind me so the corridor would repressurize, I felt like a god. Not in the sense that I felt powerful, or wise. I felt like the sort of god who would create a whole world, only to have to drown it when it didn’t go the way it was supposed to. Close enough to be culpable, but too far away to actually fix it.
What they never tell you is, once you get far enough away to make the tough decisions, it’s hard to stop yourself from drifting further and further. From starting to wonder what makes the bigger number better in the first place.
Down the corridor, through a door and into another open chamber—occupied by another dozen frightened former prisoners who screamed and ran in the other direction—then into the bio-lab. A series of hoops—the Visser’s security procedure—and then—
I pulled open the cover on the storage unit. There were two rows of thirteen vials, labeled in an alien script which my fragments of Visser-memory told me were things like Andalite and Yeerk and Jake Berenson.
I reached for the second-to-last on the first row, the one whose label meant Howler. I pressed the button on the side, and a switch at the top of the unit lit up blue. I flipped it, and the vial turned blue, then red.
Mission accomplished.
My mental connection to the Bug fighter told me that there were now nine minutes and twenty-six seconds remaining on the original countdown—nine and a half minutes that I had intended to spend running to the room where my parents were imprisoned, and taking them into my morph.
The theory was simple—if the Ellimist had been able to preserve me after the meteor strike, keep me frozen in Z-space after my morph body was destroyed, then probably Rachel could, too. Could keep the three of us safe, bring us back once the battle was over, restore us to real space wherever and whenever she wanted.
It wasn’t like I was going to abandon the others. The device aboard the Bug fighter was a specialized hyperdrive, capable of translating the whole facility into Z-space and holding it there until one of the others came to retrieve us—
Or until the oxygen runs out.
But we couldn’t be certain the device would work, and all things considered, it had seemed best to have an extra layer of protection for me and my parents. To have our real bodies tucked away in their own pocket dimension, in case the hastily assembled tech fizzled and we didn’t get out in time, or in case it lost field integrity while we were all stuck in Z-space.
It had seemed that way, an hour ago. Back when it was all theoretical. Back when we were planning it all out.
Now, though—
Now, with visions of crushed bodies floating through my head, with the facility in chaos and my parents maybe already dead, maybe at my own hand—with the fact that I had just flipped a switch to kill two billion Howlers having curiously made no impact on me at all—
Now, it just didn’t seem to matter.
Feeling detached—almost disembodied—I demorphed and remorphed, taking the storage unit along with me.
And then, reaching out to the ship, I flipped the final switch.
* * *
— Marco—
“Jake!”
I inhaled to shout again and took in a lungful of black smoke—shouldn’t alien electronics smell different from human ones?—fell to my own knees in a coughing fit and crawled over to the place where he lay crumpled on the deck. “Jake!”
There was blood on his face, blood pooling on the floor where it poured from a nasty-looking gash on his forehead.
Were head wounds especially bloody? I thought I remembered something about head wounds looking worse than they really were, because there were so many blood vessels in your scalp—
“Jake, buddy, talk to me—”
I reached him, reached out and grabbed his wrist, then dropped it when I saw that he was definitely still breathing, his chest rising and falling. Pushing myself upright, I shook him, patted his jaw gently, leaned in and called his name again.
“Ja—”
Oh, thank god.
His eyes squeezed shut again as soon as he sat up, a pained expression tightening his face. I pulled my shirt off, folding it into a compress and pressing it up against the gash.
“What’s—where—”
“Tell me your name, buddy,” I said.
“What—”
“We got hit, bad, and you hit your head. Do you know your name?”
“Jake.”
“Last name, too.”
“Jake Berenson, 88E South Church Street, we’re on board a Yeerk pool ship—Marco, I’m fine, back up.”
I drew back, leaving the compress in his hand.
“Why aren’t we—”
“They stopped,” I said, cutting him off. “All of them. I think—I think Cassie must have gotten through.”
They had come out of nowhere, a dozen Howler ships with guns blazing—had caught us completely by surprise. Our shields had been up anyway, we weren’t idiots, but it had taken them less than fifteen seconds to overload them completely, and I’d only managed to get two of the fighters out of the bay before they’d blown the back half off the ship. There’d been about ten more seconds of battle—Jake had shot down three of the attackers with shipboard Dracon beams, and I’d destroyed one and rammed two more. Then something had hit us, missing the bridge by mere meters—
Jake hauled himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the sole undamaged chair. I hovered close by, ready to catch him if he fell.
But he stood mostly steady, one hand pressing my shirt against his forehead, the other gripping the chair with white knuckles.
“Can you—”
“I don’t know, but I’ll try.”
Three of the screens were cracked and lifeless, the other two still showing data. I limped over to one of the surviving consoles and tapped a few controls—
“Yeah,” I said. “I can reroute everything. Hang on.”
A few seconds later, I had the relevant info where we could both see it.
“I don’t understand,” Jake said softly.
I had divided the two remaining screens into four different windows. One showed our immediate vicinity, the Howler ships rapidly drifting out of sight as their momentum carried them out into deep space. Another showed the surface of Mars, where a faint, circular shadow marked the former position of the Martian base.
The third showed a wireframe schematic of the Earth and its immediate surroundings, broadcast to us by the probe we’d sent to lunar orbit as soon as the rift went down. A scattering of red Xs marked the floating remains of Magellan’s squadron; there were no green Xs among them. There were two sets of blocky outlines surrounding the planet itself. The first represented all of the structures the Ellimist had dragged out of Z-space, when it made its move against the Chee. The second set—much, much, much larger, almost as large relative to the first as the first was to the planet itself, and still growing—were presumably the work of Rachel.
The fourth window—
The fourth window showed the sun.
“I don’t understand,” Jake repeated.
He wasn’t the only one.
“Crayak must have stopped Livingstone,” I said. “Stopped him before he ever got there—”
“But if he stopped Livingstone, why didn’t he stop all of us?”
I looked around the smoke-filled bridge.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
Our working assumption was that there wasn’t really all that much difference between an almost constrained Crayak, and a completely unconstrained one. That we’d have one shot, basically, before he was on us—one chance to make a bunch of stuff happen, and hope it was enough.
We’d figured that even if Crayak only had a tiny bit of initiative available, it would minmax the shit out of it—rearrange our brain stems, or put the interstellar equivalent of spike strips down in front of our ships if it wasn’t allowed to fuck with us directly. We hadn’t counted on feeble, halfhearted resistance.
But looking at the screens, that was exactly what this seemed to be. Helium and Tobias and the other pool ships had all left local space successfully. Cassie had made it to Mars, and had—apparently—activated the Howler virus. And Rachel and Garrett must still be alive, since there was still machinery popping out of Z-space.
Yet it wasn’t like Crayak had offered no resistance. There had been Howlers heading for Mars, and Howlers attacking us, and Howlers attacking Magellan’s fleet. And there had been non-Howler stuff, too—objects launched from the surface of the Earth, weapons we hadn’t been able to analyze before they’d made short work of our remaining ships.
But also Crayak hadn’t used the Howler ships as rams—hadn’t Holdo maneuvered us, or Mars for that matter—
Fear of reprisals?
But that didn’t make any sense—
I shook my head, trying to clear it, immediately regretting the move as my headache tripled in intensity.
“Why not stop all of it?” Jake murmured. “If he stopped Livingstone, that means he was on us from the first—the first millisecond—”
“Maybe it was too expensive,” I offered.
“That doesn’t explain anything, though,” he countered.
“Does it matter?” I said. “Don’t we—shouldn’t we be figuring out what to do next?”
Jake said nothing, staring back at the screen.
I felt as if my brain was shutting down.
“Rachel’s still out there,” I said. “Or at least—unless Crayak is doing that.”
I gestured toward the screen, the wireframe shifting every few seconds as new objects appeared to join the already mind-boggling mass, a computer the size of Saturn—
“It’s got to be Rachel,” Jake whispered. “Only—”
Suddenly, the blood drained away from his face. “Do we have any Bug fighters left?”
“No. Why?”
“Magellan’s whole fleet is gone?”
“Yeah.”
“Do we have hyperdrive?”
“I—I’m not sure.”
“Check.”
My fingers were already in motion, dancing across the console. “Why?”
“It wasn’t Crayak at all. It was Edriss.”
“What?”
“Livingstone. Crayak didn’t stop him. Edriss gave him the wrong coordinates.”
“But—”
I broke off as the pieces came together.
She wants to live, and she wants to see Visser Three dead. She can’t get either of those without us, so yeah, I’d say she’s going to cooperate.
But now Visser Three was dead—and Edriss had lost a quarter of herself, had tasted death when the Howlers got Cousteau down on Earth—
Oh god.
Rachel.
It had been the only way we could think of, to put pressure on Crayak. As it stood, the hardware around the Earth—the hardware the Ellimist had materialized to take out the Chee—all things considered, it was probably something Crayak could write off. Something it could afford to lose, should circumstances require.
But if we brought in more—
The arbiter was Crayak, for all intents and purposes. We’d all gotten a glimpse of the process, through the ur-Ellimist’s memories. The whole point of the game was to be mutually binding—in order to ensure that there was no table-flipping at the last second, both Crayak and the Ellimist had fed themselves into the shared system, investing it with more and more of their power and resources until each had only tiny external backups. All of their true power derived from it, was contained by it, was exercised through whatever system let them borrow its capacity.
It was the only thing Crayak couldn’t afford to lose.
So the plan had been to haul all of it into real space. Or, if that was too much to accomplish on such short notice, at least to bring the most important parts of it—the most crucial memory banks, the most delicate machinery—the stuff that would be most crippling, hardest to replace.
We didn’t figure we could actually destroy it outright. We figured Crayak would intervene somehow, and we knew from what had happened to the Ellimist that moving the hardware would cost Rachel influence.
But we figured putting it back would cost Crayak influence. And if Rachel could interfere with that process—force a stalemate, or even just slow Crayak down—
It would have been a harder call, if the Earth wasn’t already clearly done for, three-quarters assimilated into some kind of nanotech soup. With nothing to save, nothing to lose—
We’d sent Livingstone to blow up the sun.
Not blow it up entirely—we weren’t even sure that was possible. But Helium had confirmed that a Bug fighter, coming out of Z-space along just the right vector, could punch a twenty-Jupiter-sized chunk right out of the center of the sun—a chunk that would rip through space at ninety-nine percent of the speed of light, annihilating everything in its path. Our own homemade Death Star.
Best case, it would just work, and Crayak would take enough damage to give us some real breathing room—years, maybe, to figure out a more final solution. Second best case, Crayak would be forced to spend a bunch of resources shielding the hardware, which would buy Rachel more time.
Only now—
Now, there was no ticking clock. No looming threat, no valuable hostage for Crayak to care about. And if we were right, Rachel was spending more and more influence with every ounce of matter she pulled into real space—
I felt like my brain was shutting down, like I was one degree away from a total meltdown.
“How sure are you about this?” I asked. I could hear the desperation in my own voice.
Jake shook his head grimly. “Black box,” he said.
Black box—
Jesus, he could have a concussion right now.
“Marco. The hyperdrive.”
“It’s working,” I croaked.
Jake took a deep breath. “What was it you said?” he asked. “‘You give me a clear target, and I’ll get us there, but I need you to call the shot’?”
“Jake—”
“Marco. It takes eight and a half minutes for the blast to reach Earth. It’s gonna take us at least a minute to calculate the jump. And we’re already ten minutes behind. You got a better idea, I’m all ears, but it has to be now.”
I looked at my friend. At the blood still trickling down his cheek, at the dangerous almost-smile playing around his lips.
This is insane.
And it was.
But it was also Jake.
And we were out of time.
There’d been a moment, all the way back in the beginning. I’d said something or other—tried to give an order—and Tobias and Rachel and Cassie had all turned to look at Jake. I remembered thinking, then, that that was going to be a problem some day, if Jake ever decided not to listen to reason.
“Black box?” I asked again.
“Black box,” he said, his voice like iron.
I reached for the controls. There was a long silence as the computer crunched the numbers, and then a small light lit up on the cracked and smoking console.
I took a deep breath.
Hey, it’s only dying. You should be good at it—you’ve had way more practice than most people.
“Okay, Fearless Leader. Say the word.”
There was no hesitation.
“Full power,” Jake said. “Ram it.”
Chapter 81: Chapter 53: Rachel
Notes:
This is the full Rachel chapter, including the 8000 words from last week and 14000 more from this week. I made some slight changes in the first half, so the suggested pick up point is ctrl+f "Things came back a little faster this time." But if you don't care about small changes and want to pick up right where last week's posting left off, ctrl+f "with room to maneuver."
The next update should go out by Wednesday, but I'm also traveling for work so it might be as late as Friday, July 2.
I've created a mailing list for anyone who wants to be notified of future Things Duncan Writes, including ones you wouldn't see just by following me here. I'll use it for both fiction and nonfiction/essays. You can sign up at tinyletter.com/DuncanSabien
Last but not least: as always, if you have the time, please drop me some feedback, either here or over at r/rational. I treasure every word you all are willing to share with me.
Chapter Text
Chapter 53: Rachel
I didn’t know what to say to Garrett.
I felt a little weird about it, because for one thing, we’d just spent the better part of an hour sitting inside each other’s brains, and for another, in about twelve more minutes we were going to be—
Well. I didn’t even really have words for how high the stakes were. How little everything else mattered, compared to what was about to happen. What was already happening, really, while we waited for the calculations to finish.
So it felt like maybe Garrett shouldn’t be quite so front-and-center in my mind. Like if Marco was here, he’d have something scathing to say about priorities.
But on the other hand—
I don’t know. Garrett was—he’d just said goodbye to Tobias, for what was probably the last time—had said goodbye for my sake, was here to protect me, in case we ended up in a situation where a thoughtscream might make a difference.
And yeah, it had been his own idea—he was the one who’d insisted on it, in fact—but it’s not exactly like it was his choice. Stuff like ‘choice’ gets kind of complicated when you’re walking around with the fate of the entire universe on your shoulders and your catch phrase is basically with great power comes great responsibility.
And he hadn’t said a word. Not one word, since the hatch had whispered shut behind him and he’d slid into the too-large chair beside me. Was just sitting there, now, curled up into a tiny ball, his fists clenched in the fabric of his pants, his eyes locked onto the clock.
And I know he wasn’t much for chit-chat even on a good day, but I still felt like—
Like—
“Feels like I’m supposed to say something,” I finally ground out.
Garrett’s head turned, his gaze settling somewhere in the vicinity of my chin.
“Dunno what,” I continued. “Just—feels like I’m supposed to.”
Garrett said nothing. Just waited, his face drawn. Tired. Empty. Limp. He looked—
Old.
“You, uh. You okay?” I asked—
—and then winced, because something about how the words came out made it sound less like I was talking to my buddy in the foxhole and more like I was checking up on him—
—which, sure, yeah, that was part of what was going on inside my head, but that didn’t mean I intended to say it out loud. I owed him more respect than that—he might be little, and looking pretty vulnerable, and I had some big-sister reflexes that utterly failed to take into account just how much hell he’d been through and how capable he was of handling it, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t know—
His eyes twitched a little higher, focusing on my forehead.
“Because I’m little,” he said flatly. “And prone to meltdowns. And it’s your job to take care of me.”
I flushed.
I see we’re not mincing words.
“That’s not what—”
“Shouldn’t it be the other way around, though?” he asked.
I blinked. “What?”
“You know. Since you’re the girl.”
His delivery was flawless, his voice perfectly deadpan, and I felt my jaw drop, felt my eyebrows climb all the way up into my hair before my brain caught up with me—
“You little twerp,” I growled, unable to stop the grin from spreading across my face. “You need to stop hanging out with Marco—it’s corrupting you.”
“Pot,” the boy intoned. “Kettle.”
I felt an urge to slug him on the shoulder, and suppressed it, roughhousing not really being one of Garrett’s love languages. “Remind me never to bet against you in poker,” I said.
Garrett’s lip twisted. “You mean, after all this is over?”
The words were like a splash of cold water, snapping me back into the present. My eyes slid toward the display, where the live feed from the Bug fighters we’d left in-system filled a corner of the screen, showing the Earth half-wrapped in dull, gray shadow. Beside it, the glowing numbers of the countdown ticked past ten minutes.
“Right,” I said softly, since there wasn’t anything else to say.
Garrett shifted in his chair, and I turned back to see his eyes still mostly pointed at me, his head now cocked at a curious angle.
“Why aren’t you scared?” he asked quietly.
I blinked again. “What?”
He sighed. “Is that the ‘say it again’ kind of what, or the ‘I heard you but I’m stalling for time’ kind?”
“Are you scared?”
“Yes,” he said—promptly, shamelessly, matter-of-fact. “Duh. Why aren’t you?”
I opened my mouth—
Huh.
I had tried to say of course I am, to which my shoulder Marco had first responded lol, followed by lmao, followed by absolutely no further help.
“Um,” I said.
Backing up, and taking the question seriously, because apparently despite the fact that it was based on an utterly ridiculous premise that premise did seem to be true—
Garrett Steinberg, ladies and gentlemen. He’s gonna be here all night.
Listen, if you’re not going to do anything useful, can you at least not be actively distracting?
That’s what she said!
Gritting my teeth, I shoved the Marco-voice a little further toward the back of my mind and tried to focus.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, after a long silence. “I don’t know, but—I could maybe guess, a little? Do you actually want me to?”
Both of us glanced at the timer as it crawled downward from 08:15 to 08:10.
“I don’t know,” Garrett said.
And then—
“Sure. Yeah.”
“Well, for starters—”
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.
“For starters, I don’t really have—it kind of feels like there’s nothing left to lose,” I said. “I mean, sure, there’s us, but—”
I trailed off.
“But that’s not really the same,” Garrett murmured.
“Yeah. You guys—Jake and Marco and Cassie—you’re not—it’s like I can’t let you—matter, or something? Not in the same way. Because you might have to—it’d be like, I dunno, building a house on quicksand, or something.”
I could feel myself fumbling, sticking words and concepts together half at random.
“And everyone who did matter like that—Mom, and my sisters, and Dad, and all my other friends—”
“Melissa Chapman,” Garrett murmured.
My brain kicked up a sort of what-gives-you-the-right impulse, and I squashed it ruthlessly.
“I don’t know,” I repeated, shaking my head. “It—now that I say it out loud, I’m not so sure. Maybe not. But that—that could be part of it. Nothing to lose, nothing to fear.”
“But you could die.”
I almost laughed—choked it off at the last possible second. “Yeah,” I said. “But that’s—”
I faltered.
That’s gonna sound pretty cheesy.
But who cared? There were like seven and a half minutes left.
Besides, this was Garrett.
“That’s kind of true either way, isn’t it?” I said. “Not fighting—not standing up to fight, when it means this much—there’s more than one way to be dead.”
Garrett’s face softened into thoughtfulness, and I hastened to clarify. “I mean, I’m not talking about, like, Helium and Tobias—”
“You feel alive right now,” Garrett said, cutting me off.
It was just barely not-a-question.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I do.”
“You like this.”
I sighed. “Yeah,” I admitted. “I mean, not the part where everybody’s dying. And I don’t—I mean, I know it’s, like, not okay, or something. I know we’re supposed to—to be reluctant, or angsty, or whatever, but—”
I shrugged.
“I don’t know why,” I said, as the clock ticked down past the seven minute mark. “Scared versus not scared. It’s not like—I mean, I see the same stuff you see, you know? The same threats, the same risks. Why one person gets scared and another one doesn’t, when they both have the exact same information—”
Melissa Chapman had been a better gymnast than me in almost every way—smaller, stronger, her landings cleaner, her form tighter. And yet, when we’d first started trying to learn double backs—
“I don’t know,” I said again. “Anything I try to say here is going to be made-up. For all I know, Toomin did something to my brain to stop me from freaking out.”
Garrett squinted. “You don’t believe that.”
“I don’t. I don’t, because—”
I chewed at my lip.
“Look at me,” I said. “Pretty, tall, blonde. Girl. Middle class America, Ventura county suburbs. I always wanted—”
I broke off, embarrassed.
“More,” Garrett offered.
“Yeah. I guess. Something worth—worth fighting for, something more important than, I dunno—”
My mom had fought and fought and fought to make it to the top of her law firm. Had been hard, and disciplined, and cutthroat, had poured years of long weeks and late nights into her career, sacrificing everything else—sacrificing her marriage to Dad, even—and at the end she hadn’t even been happy—
“Something that mattered,” I said, my voice growing firmer. “I think, the way things were going before Elfangor—I think I would have always felt like something was missing. And I guess—it’s not like I would have asked for this, but—as long as we’re here, I think—I think I’m not going to feel guilty about it anymore.”
There was a long silence.
“Well, I don’t like this,” Garrett said bluntly, as the clock ticked past 06:00. “At all.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”
Another silence.
“But I’m glad you were here,” I said. “Are here. And—”
I remembered the mission to the Yeerk pool, Garrett’s body weighed down with so many explosives that he literally couldn’t even stand. Remembered him morphing, putting his life literally in the palm of my hand.
He’d taken down a Hork-Bajir that night. A Hork-Bajir I hadn’t even seen, a Hork-Bajir that would have cut me down without me ever even knowing what had happened.
And now here he was again—just in case.
And even though he was right, even though I wasn’t scared, there was still something that was—better, because he was here. Because he had my back.
“I guess none of us ever really said thank you. To each other. But—thanks.”
“Thanks,” he whispered.
We were quiet then, as the fifth minute faded away and the fourth began to shrink. I fiddled uselessly with the computer, checking and rechecking everything, replaying Toomin’s words in my mind in case there was something in there we’d somehow all missed—
“Rachel,” Garrett said, breaking the silence.
“Mmm?”
“You remember the version of the plan where Cassie was going to try to grab Visser Three’s computer? The one he was using to hack into the hypercomputer?”
“Yeah.”
The idea had actually been for Cassie to morph into me—to grab like two thousand pounds of random material and take it with her into morph, dropping her time limit down to nothing. The thinking had been that we could pull a kind of seven Potters diversion—send multiple Rachels in multiple directions, forcing Crayak to split his attention.
It would have meant Cassie’s death, but by that point, we’d all pretty much accepted the fact that we probably weren’t getting out alive. That wasn’t what sunk it—what sunk it was when Marco pointed out that, in order to pull it off, Cassie would’ve had to morph early, and that would’ve given the whole game away.
“Well. Uh. I had this thought.”
“Yeah?”
“You wanted to get into the hypercomputer in case that made it easier to—to whatever, right?”
There were a handful of things that I was hoping to do, with the admin access that Toomin had left me. I had sort of—felt around the edges, mentally, trying to get a feel for what might be possible without actually pushing any buttons, and I was pretty sure I could do a lot of it remotely, just by thinking—like controlling a Bug fighter via thought-link.
But it had seemed better—just on general principle, setting aside the fact that I had no idea how the hypercomputer actually worked—it had just seemed better to be physically there, to have some kind of direct access rather than trying to do everything via remote command.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Well. Since you’re already going to be in morph—”
Oh.
Holy crap.
This is what happens when you throw together a plan in like half an hour, my shoulder Marco whispered. You don’t have time to think things through, see all the implications.
We had gone back and forth over whether to morph at all, given that we knew it was possible for Crayak to mess with our minds while they were running on the hypercomputer. But that had only happened once, as far as we could tell, and it seemed likely to have cost a lot, according to the rules of the game, and there were too many places where the plan just—wouldn’t work, if we were limited to our own bodies.
And so, in what was rapidly becoming Animorphs tradition, we’d gone with if we can’t get away with it we’re screwed anyway, so we might as well. The plan was for everyone to morph right at time zero—Livingstone, so that Crayak would get the message about the solar bomb; Cassie, so she could handle the Martian atmosphere and later insulate her parents; Garrett, so he would be able to thought-scream—
And me, so that Crayak couldn’t just end the whole thing with a single well-placed rock. Not to mention giving all of us access to thought-speak, which might well come in handy.
But I hadn’t realized—none of us had—that this meant I would already be inside the hypercomputer—would be running on its hardware, a ghost in the machine.
Toomin took over Father from the inside—
“Yeah,” I breathed. “I get it.”
“I mean, who knows if it gets you anything, but—”
“No, yeah, I understand.”
From inside the hypercomputer, I could—
I could—
Well, okay, I didn’t know what I could do. Maybe nothing at all. But Toomin had left me a whole new set of tools—given me a new sixth sense that was already working, even in my own regular body. It was at least possible that I would be able to do—
Something.
I turned back to look at Garrett, still curled up tight in the giant metal chair. Turned to look, and for some reason flashed back to the moment in the mind-meld when—
—with all of us there, with all of us watching, taking part—
Tobias and Garrett had collided over a pair of memories, Tobias’s two Big Lies, the two times when he’d kept his little brother from the truth—
—for his own good, he had thought, but that hadn’t stopped him from feeling guilty about it, carrying the weight of his betrayal around on his shoulder for years—
—and then we’d seen that Garrett had known, known for a long time, not that he’d figured it out on his own but that he’d morphed into Tobias and found out, weeks earlier, and had never mentioned it—
I have no idea why that memory sprang to mind so strongly, so suddenly. It’s not like there was any particular lesson in it, and it’s not like it was relevant to anything.
But something about it struck me, just then, as the clock ticked past the one minute mark and Jake’s voice crackled over the comm. It was one of those moments that feels profound in a way you know you can’t possibly explain—like, you’ll try to tell someone else, gesture toward it, but the only words you’ll be able to find are this is the same kid and they’ll be like, yeah, and?
This was the same kid, sitting there beside me as time ran out. There was a whole person wrapped up in that tiny little frame—the same person I’d been fused with, an hour or so earlier, the same person I’d gone into battle with half a dozen times. The same one whose personal god had lied to him, and never quite gotten over it.
I don’t know. Like I said, it wasn’t the sort of thing I could put into words. It probably sounds crazy, from the outside.
But it brought me back around to feeling like I should say something—something real, something that would matter to him. Something that would actually reach him.
Yeah, well, you got about thirty seconds.
I racked my brain—
“Sisu, Garrett,” I said softly.
He knew what that meant. He’d been in my brain, after all.
He looked up at me, then—actually at me, for real, his eyes unmistakably locking onto mine, even if it was only for about two thirds of a second.
“Sisu,” he murmured back.
And then there were ten seconds left, and then five, and then three, and two, and one—
Have you ever played a video game so much that you aren’t even conscious of the actual individual motions anymore? Like, you don’t actually think left click or down arrow or trigger or whatever, you just know you’re supposed to draw something out of your inventory and your brain just—translates it, takes care of it, the same way it takes care of your heartbeat and blood pressure and whatever.
I didn’t know how I was doing what I was doing. I didn’t know what I was doing at all, on the level of buttons and mouse-clicks.
But as I reached out—properly, for the first time—into that strange mental space that had lurked just off to the side ever since Toomin’s vision—
More than anything else, it reminded me of being a bat. It had the same eerie, ephemeral, dreamlike quality as echolocation—only instead of having a ghostly sense of a room or a field or a forest or whatever, I had a ghostly sense of the entire solar system. I could feel the swollen masses of the planets, and the shifting grooves of their orbits. I could sense every spaceship, every satellite, every speck of loose matter, as if they were all shards of glass glinting in the sunlight.
And not just their positions, their vectors—I had a strange intuition as to their fundamental properties, as well. How hard or easy it might be to nudge them off course, how much effort it would take to unmake them entirely. How tiring it would be—how much it would cost me, the same way I could look at a heavy object and guess how much it would cost me to lift it.
“Morphing,” Garrett reported, because barely a second had passed.
My first task was to pop the Z-space bubble surrounding the system, clearing the way for Magellan and Livingstone and Cassie to jump inward, bypassing the obvious choke point of the bridge. And it was like popping it—was a single, simple action—not repairing the rift directly, but rather ending the process that had been effortfully maintaining it.
I reached out—somehow—and flexed, somehow—and suddenly, the rift was gone. Suddenly I knew it was gone, could feel the lack of a barrier like the difference between being inside and outside—
“Clear,” I said.
—just as I could tell that the other ships had left, had leapt into Z-space unimpeded and were on their way, Tobias and Helium and Terra and Telor—
“Roger,” Garrett acknowledged. “Green light.”
—and now the others were heading inward, leaving only Jake and Marco nearby. I didn’t have the time or attention to spare to follow them, though, because the next step was every bit as urgent, if I only managed two things this needed to be one of them—
Again, not knowing quite how I knew, or how I was doing it, I reached out into the void and found—
Found—
Myself, is the word that seemed most natural, the way you know where your hands and feet are—there were bits and pieces of a vast, interconnected body, and though they were outside of normal space they were still somewhere, somewhere specific, I could feel them, I could move them—
Oof.
Not like popping a bubble, this time. Not like flipping a switch. The hardware of the hypercomputer had mass, inertia—was not trivial to move. I reached, tugged, hefted—
One of the objects popped out into space.
“Rachel, are you morphing?”
Oh, that’s funny—
The rest of the computer had shifted, somehow—like a row of marbles all lined up, when I had pulled out the first one the rest had rolled forward—
There was something there that could acquire momentum, a process that could be set in motion that would continue on its own. But it was choked, blocked, leashed—there was something like a door, a spring-loaded door, designed to be closed by default—
I pried it open.
Yes.
The machinery began flowing—flowing of its own accord, as if it was being sucked out into the vacuum.
But the door—the door was heavy, somehow, and I had nothing with which to prop it open, had to just hold it—
“Rachel?”
—straining, not with muscles but with something, something that—like muscles—could not keep it up forever. There was something else that was also draining, as the flood of metal poured recklessly into orbit—some pool of potential that would not last long, that was already noticeably less full than it had been—
“Rachel!”
—and I could feel where it was going, too—could follow the trickle with one part of my mind, even as the rest of me put everything it had into keeping the floodgates open. Some of it—maybe a third?—was simply vanishing, but the rest—
The rest was collecting in another place. Another vast reservoir, currently nearly empty, but slowly filling up, an Olympic swimming pool fed by a garden hose—
Crayak.
It was Crayak’s—what, fuel tank? Bank account? Power bar?
It was the counterpart to my own well of influence, a measure of the total strength with which Crayak would be able to respond, once it did respond—
Why isn’t it already responding?
Drop by drop, as the hypercomputer surged through the open gate—drop by drop, I could see my own reserves shrinking, and Crayak’s slowly swelling—could track the transfer—somehow—with microscopic precision.
And it was only growing. Only accumulating, nothing being spent. Crayak had not flexed the tiniest muscle, had not made even the smallest of moves.
Why?
‹Garrett here. Rachel, I don’t know what’s happening but I really think you’re supposed to be morphing—›
The voice in the back of my head finally broke through, finally registered—right, I’m supposed to be morphing—and I cautiously withdrew a fraction of my attention, went from holding open the mental door with two hands to one—
Okay.
Nothing else—I had room for nothing else, but I could, in fact, focus hard enough to morph while still keeping the flow going. I could feel my body changing, the familiar tingle sweeping over me as I trembled with the effort—
‹Howlers!›
I processed the word, but barely, slowly, unable to produce any kind of meaningful response—
‹Rachel, incoming, can you do anything—›
I could—maybe—if I stopped morphing, or if I let the door swing shut—but what exactly would I do, what would it cost, did I dare spend the influence—
How can we have company, Crayak hasn’t even twitched a finger—
Slow—some part of me recognized that I was too slow, my thoughts sluggish and stupid, my brain overloaded as I tried not to let my concentration slip—
‹Rache—›
* * *
Hold on.
It wasn’t a thought—not quite. Wasn’t words, wasn’t something my mind was producing or perceiving—not in those first few moments.
It was me.
All of me.
It was all that I was, everything else boiled away.
Hold on.
I didn’t know what I was holding on to, or what was doing the holding, was not even really properly aware that there was some specific thing that needed to be held. I just was the pure act. An avatar, a personification, the god of white knuckles.
Hold on.
Slowly, consciousness trickled back in, a whole person growing outward from a clenched fist.
The floodgate!
That’s right—I was still holding open the floodgate, the hypercomputer still rushing past into the crowded space around the Earth, my pool of influence slowly drying up—
Still?
Something must have happened, something that broke my concentration—I must have fainted, or blacked out, and before that, I had been—
Oh.
Oh, no.
‹Garrett!› I called out. Or tried to, anyway; I had no way of knowing whether the thought had actually gone anywhere, you couldn’t hear yourself like you could with regular speech—
And that’s when I realized that I couldn’t hear myself. Couldn’t hear, or see, or feel, or anything. Had been reduced to my newly acquired sixth sense—was not even properly experiencing darkness or silence so much as the total absence of sensation, as if every nerve had been severed—
You were in a Bug fighter. You were in a Bug fighter, and there were Howlers—
‹Garrett, can you hear me?›
There was no answer.
I steeled myself.
They must have blown up the fighter.
They had blown up the fighter, and Garrett and I—we’d both been in morph—
Right?
Had I actually made it all the way into morph?
Yes. Obviously. Since you’re awake and aware and thinking right now.
Thinking, without a body—
You can demorph from a corpse. Your real body is still in stasis somewhere, waiting to be called back, you can demorph any time—
Except—
Except one, if I was right, I would be demorphing straight into the vacuum of space, and two—
If they didn’t just kill me—if they actually fully vaporized the ship—
Which they probably had—
I might not be able to demorph at all. Whatever nanotech drove the morphing power, whatever tiny machines were responsible for gating my body in and out of Z-space, if they’d been damaged, or destroyed, or sufficiently dispersed—
I wasn’t quite sure why I wasn’t panicking. Maybe because I didn’t have any blood, and therefore no adrenaline—no heartbeat capable of racing—
Or maybe because I wasn’t out of cards to play just yet. I still had access to Toomin’s power, was still holding the door open for the hypercomputer, and might be able to do other things as well—
I paused.
Hhhhhhhuh.
I had—reached, sort of—sent my awareness out into the void, and in that moment realized that my awareness was somewhere—that I was still somewhere. Somewhere specific, relative to what I was reaching out to—that it wasn’t just featureless nothingness all around.
Like how you can just sort of tell that your brain lives in your head, and not in your chest or your hands or your feet—how you can just feel that you’re up there, behind your eyes, between your ears, and not anywhere else. There was some sort of mental proprioception, an undeniable sense that I was doing my thinking from someplace—someplace I could track, someplace I could—maybe—locate—
I don’t know if I ever would have realized it, without the emptiness to serve as a backdrop. Without the stillness and silence, the complete lack of distraction—and without the special access that Toomin had given me. I’d certainly never noticed it before. Every time I’d been in morph, it had felt like the morph body was me, even though I’d known on some level that the actual thinking wasn’t taking place inside a housefly’s brain, that it had to be happening somewhere else—
There.
Or actually, now that I’d put my finger on it—
Here.
It was like reaching my arm out through a hole in a coffin, and feeling around on its surface. I couldn’t see myself, couldn’t access myself, but I could trace the outlines of my container—
Except that it wasn’t a container. Not in any meaningful sense. Wasn’t a box containing me, didn’t have shape or volume, wasn’t a physical location. My brain kept trying to translate what it was perceiving into a three-dimensional image, but it was sheer reflex, a hopeless rounding-off.
It was just—substrate.
Background.
Like the pixels on a screen, or the pages of a book. It was the-place-where-it-was-happening, and it was me—there was—it had to be code, I guess, computer code—and the code was me, and the code was contained within other code—a closed loop, with channels for input and output, except the channels were broken, there was nothing leading to or from the placeless place—
—nothing except the bright line connecting me to Toomin’s pool of influence. The line through which I was exercising my will, the line I had traced back to find myself.
Open, I whispered.
And it did.
Somehow.
It wasn’t supposed to, I wasn’t supposed to be able to, but the mantle of Toomin’s authority overrode whatever protocols were meant to keep me inside the box, and suddenly I was out.
Not out out, but one level higher in the system, one folder up—running alongside the box, now, instead of being contained within it. And I could see—
—not see, really, I still couldn’t see anything, but I could perceive it—
—like in The Matrix, when Neo suddenly breaks through and can see the code, except I always thought it was stupid and cheesy the way they made it look like little green characters outlining everything, of course that’s not what it would actually be like, there wouldn’t be a little lump of green in the shape of a bullet, the bullet would just be a snippet of code that deleted other little bits of code, you wouldn’t actually have three-dimensional space inside the software any more than there’s three-dimensional space on the pages of a story—
—I could see the container, and others alongside it, and from their shape and construction it was obvious what they were, that each one was home to a simulated mind—
—like my mind, which I could directly observe now that it was no longer obscured by the box, a tangled mass of symbols and functions and calculations and commands—a string of concepts shifting in response to stimuli—in this case, the stimuli being my own perception of myself—
I backed off. Looked away, slid the focal point of my attention onto the array of containers—not because I was trying to pay attention to them, but just because I needed something else to latch on to, something to distract me, it was one thing to know that your mind was being run on a computer and another thing to watch it happening in real time—like looking in a mirror as a surgeon cut open your skull and seeing gears inside—
I paused.
My attention had caught on one of the containers—
—somehow I was perceiving all of them at once, even though there were thousands and thousands of them—
—the one which definitely-even-though-I-didn’t-know-how-I-knew held Garrett.
I started to reach inside, and then paused again.
Garrett seemed to be—I wanted to say frozen, like the chamber was some kind of cryo-stasis tube, the inputs and outputs flowing at a glacial pace, so slow it was almost imperceptible.
And yet they were flowing, unmistakably so. So he wasn’t dead or anything—
Oh.
Right.
Hyper computer.
When we were in morph, our minds continued to work at normal human speeds, but as the frozen fakeout at the Yeerk pool had demonstrated, they could run much, much faster than that if need be. I must have sped up, somehow, once I’d left the confines of the container—or been automatically downshifted while inside, more likely—
Crap. The floodgates.
But they were fine—still open, the torrent of machinery still passing through, only now at a hundred thousand frames per second.
I could see the mechanism of the gate more clearly, now, too—follow the inner workings of a process which before I could only feel the edges of. It was possible to just wedge the door open, so to speak—to disable the mechanism that I had been straining against, change the default setting. It would cost me—slightly more than the active effort had, in fact—but it would mean that I no longer had to devote a quarter of my attention to holding on, would mean that even if something happened to me the hypercomputer would continue pouring into the system unless someone actively interfered.
Speaking of which—
I extended my mind again, feeling the boundaries of Crayak’s pool of initiative. It still hadn’t responded at all—had not spent even the smallest iota of its slowly growing resources.
Why?
My shoulder Marco laughed darkly.
Come on, Warrior Princess. Isn’t it obvious?
And it was.
It was waiting, waiting for the last possible second—preparing some kind of counterstrike that would leave me no time to respond, at the moment when it would have the greatest available initiative—
It was exactly what I would have done, in its position. And unfortunately, the only plan we had for that contingency was Rachel will do whatever makes sense.
I had no idea what that was.
But at least I had stumbled into a little extra time.
I had gotten out of my own little cradle, and into a larger virtual space. I could try going up again, and see where it got me—if this was a computer system, there might be a top level—
Or not. It could be some completely alien structure.
Still. There was nothing to be gained just sitting around here.
I turned my attention back to Garrett’s container.
Should I take him with me? Would that even be possible?
It’s not like he’ll be able to thoughtscream.
But he might be able to see things I wouldn’t—think of things I’d miss—
Or he might just get himself deleted.
Though, to be fair, that was already his destiny—either the blast from the sun would slag the hypercomputer and we’d all go up in smoke, or something would happen to prevent that and eventually the pocket dimension holding his body would collapse—
Wait.
Could I—
Okay, yes, I could. It would cost something like one ten thousandth of my remaining initiative, but I could set Garrett’s time limit to infinity, ensure that his body would never go poof—at least, not by default.
Hey, uh. Not to be all special privileges, or whatever, but you gonna do that for yourself, too?
If I’d had teeth, I would have gritted them. This was not how I needed to be spending my time—these were not the questions that mattered—
Fine, then. Quit stalling and move.
* * *
Things came back a little faster this time.
Your name is Rachel Berenson. You’re inside the hypercomputer. You’re trying to find Crayak—
No, wait. I had already found Crayak—
TAKE YOUR TIME, a voice boomed. WE HAVE PLENTY, AFTER ALL.
Crayak?
No, wait—
I—looked up, I would have said, except that there was no up and I didn’t have eyes—realized just then that I hadn’t actually heard the voice, either—
I expanded my attention, and somehow perceived—
Visser Three?
Not the Andalite Controller, and not the strange hybrid body he’d built for himself after his first death, and not one of his thousands of puppet bodies, either. This was—purer, somehow—distilled, clarified, everything nonessential pared away.
I was inside a computer, and this was a representation of Visser Three. A collection of beliefs, memories, decisions, principles—a living digital copy of his soul.
But Visser Three died—
I was still disoriented, my thoughts only half-coherent, struggling to piece together the scattered fragments of my memory. There had been a virus, Crayak’s virus—
Yeah, whispered my shoulder Marco. Obviously he squirreled away a backup somehow. Somewhere that the virus couldn’t reach.
Somewhere that Crayak couldn’t reach? Or—or was Visser Three working with Crayak?
There was a noise—
No, not a noise, there was no sound in this strange, disembodied non-place, but there was some kind of information which my mind interpreted as a sound, and my attention expanded further, looking for the source, taking in the—
Room?
—the boundaries of the virtual space that the Visser and I were currently occupying, there was a point at which here became there, and just beyond that point—
Thunder. Volcanoes. Nuclear explosions. Swirling darkness, flashes of threatening light—every giant death cloud from every terrible superhero movie, Galactus and Parallax and Dormammu, a seething hurricane of malice and rage—
Crayak.
I wasn’t seeing its body, but its mind—its goals, its priorities, its deepest drives. It was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing infinite possible futures play out. Infinite futures, and infinite pasts—all of the things Crayak had done, all of the things it would do under any number of circumstances. How it would kill me, if it could reach me, and how it would repurpose the atoms that made up my body—
The mad god howled, hammering at the invisible barrier between us—began to push through, the barrier flexing, bulging inward—a shadow forming on the inside, a pale projection, a fragile avatar assembling itself—
The Visser struck—a lazy, almost casual blow—and the shadow shattered into dust.
What.
I had no face—was myself just a collection of concepts, the same as the Visser—but I must have had some sort of visible surface, something externally readable, because he responded as if I had spoken aloud.
THE RULES OF THE GAME, the Visser said, the words somehow marked as tinged with sardonic amusement. PAWNS ARE INVIOLATE—ONLY UNDER THE RAREST OF CIRCUMSTANCES MAY THEY BE DIRECTLY INTERFERED WITH. WE ARE KRYPTONITE TO CRAYAK—IN OUR PRESENCE, HE CANNOT WIELD EVEN A TRILLIONTH OF HIS TRUE POWER, NOR CAN HE BRING HIS FULL INTELLIGENCE TO BEAR.
Again, the shadow formed, and again the Visser scattered it, seeming unworried, at-ease—almost bored.
HAVE YOU RECOVERED YET? he asked.
Recovered—
And then it clicked, the memory falling into place.
I had risen up out of the morphing emulator—climbed higher and higher in the structure of the hypercomputer—had emerged into the highest level—
And had found Visser Three waiting for me.
THAT’S RIGHT, RACHEL BERENSON, said the Visser, as he dispersed the shadow for a third time. YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE.
He had struck at me—struck at me in the exact same fashion he was striking at Crayak, and the blow had been devastating. Had—had disorganized me, somehow, reducing the careful order of my digital body to a pile of incoherent nonsense—
Because I was a player, too.
Because I had inherited Toomin’s mantle, his abilities and influence—
And his vulnerabilities.
The Visser was kryptonite for me, too.
Except—I didn’t feel weak, or stupid, at least not now that the shock of disintegration was passing. Maybe it only affected the superhuman parts of me? Not kryptonite so much as a—a handicap, or something—
Oh, no.
The deadline! How long had I been here? Had I missed it? Had Crayak already delivered his counterstroke?
I tried reaching out with my sixth sense, found—to my relief—that it was still functioning. I still had my link to the outside world, and could see—could perceive—
The hypercomputer had finished its transition, was located entirely in real space. At its center, the Earth was a writhing mass of nanotechnology, tendrils reaching out from the atmosphere as if in desperation. And the sun—
If I’d had a body, I would have gasped. Even knowing what to expect—even having planned on it, counted on it—
The sun had been torn in half. Was like two roses blossoming in opposite directions, a violent bow-tie explosion whose motion was perceptible even to my own insanely accelerated senses. A third chunk—like a bullet, smaller and denser and brighter than the other two—had already covered well over half of the distance to the Earth, and was clearly on target to obliterate everything in its vicinity, us and the hypercomputer included.
I zeroed in on the leading edge, measuring the distance, trying to gauge its progress—
THERE IS STILL TIME, the Visser thundered, as he once again struck down the slowly regenerating shadow of Crayak. THOUGH LESS THAN THERE WAS, AND IF I AM HONEST, I FIND LITTLE APPEAL IN THE IDEA OF CUTTING IT CLOSE.
He waited, oozing a kind of idle expectation, and I felt an urge to blink, to shake my nonexistent head—tried to force my thoughts into motion.
Cutting it close—
He wanted something.
To live. Obviously.
That was not-quite-but-close-enough the only thing Visser Three ever wanted, the single driving ambition at the center of every action we’d seen him take, it was all about survival, not just in the moment but on a timescale of centuries—
Oh.
I did a thing that, in the real world, would have been turning to look him in the eye, put the central focus of my attention on him even as his settled on me.
‹Visser,› I said, addressing him directly for the first time. ‹How long have you been in here?›
LONG ENOUGH, he answered, his words once again marked as being intended with grim humor.
I turned back to the tempest raging outside, the sturm and drang as Crayak continued to try to force its way in. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could still feel its pool of initiative, measure how much potential it contained—
Untapped.
It was untapped—held precisely the expected amount, given how much I had spent and the rate of transfer—had captured every last drop, and lost none of them.
Either Crayak was waiting for an opportune moment—
Or something’s gone wrong for it.
I looked back at the Visser as he dispatched yet another of the ghostly echoes—unworried, unhurried, paying me no mind whatsoever.
Marco, I whispered. Help me out, here.
But there was no Marco—had never been a Marco, the voice on my shoulder had always just been me, the part of me that liked to pretend, that found it easier to hide behind a Marco mask. There was no Marco inside of my head—no Marco, and no Jake, and no Cassie. It was just me, alone with the Visser.
And—and Garrett, right?
Garrett—
I felt a flash of panic.
Had Garrett been with me?
I couldn’t remember.
He certainly wasn’t here now—the digital space we were occupying was open, unobstructed, as blank as a page with nothing on it.
Nothing you can do for him—
Well, that wasn’t necessarily true—
Nothing you SHOULD be TRYING to do for him, you need to figure out what to do about THIS—
I swept my attention around my surroundings again—the Visser, Crayak, the strange container.
I’d had two concrete objectives to achieve, besides the general try to do whatever makes sense. Take down the bubble around the system, and bring the hypercomputer out of Z-space so Livingstone could blow it up.
Both of those jobs were done—which should have meant that we’d won, at least as far as minimum-acceptable-outcomes were concerned. With the shock wave set to hit in about three more minutes of real time—with half a dozen Yeerk coalescions heading in half a dozen different directions—with Helium en route to the Andalite homeworld and Tobias in possession of the Chee ship—
Even after all of the transfer that had taken place, I still had nearly twice as much initiative left as Crayak did, meaning that anything it tried I should theoretically be able to just brute-force counter—
Except for Visser Three.
I hadn’t counted on Visser Three—hadn’t counted on him being alive, hadn’t counted on him being here—hadn’t had any reason at all to imagine that he might somehow be in control, able to stare down me and Crayak both.
Unless he’s not. Unless it’s some kind of trick.
But what kind of trick? And why? And—even if it was a trick—
Any trick that could make me think that I’d been shattered to pieces, make me feel exactly how I’d feel if I had been shattered to pieces—
I couldn’t see how, in practical terms, that was any less powerful than actually doing it. Especially in a situation where a handful of seconds might mean the difference between blocking Crayak or not.
Besides, I could see the mass of code that made up the entity in front of me. Could read it, and verify it—could perceive, through some higher awareness, that there wasn’t any room for trickery, no place for any alter ego to hide.
What was happening was real, minus the fact that it was all a simulation. It was a real simulation—that was the real, actual Visser Three being simulated in front of me.
How?
And—more importantly—
What now?
I had to assume that this meant disaster, somehow—that the Visser wasn’t there to just sit back and watch as the shockwave took out the hypercomputer he was currently living on. And I had to assume there was some reason why he hadn’t Avada Kedavra’d me, as he was just now doing to the shadow of Crayak for at least the seventh time.
Some reason he hadn’t Avada Kedavra’d me again, anyway, since he’d obviously done it once.
At least.
My thoughts raced, faster and hotter than ever before, an engine revving into the red—
I was alive, when it was within his power to kill me—was being allowed to live, which meant that I had something he wanted.
Probably.
And since he hadn’t asked for it—since he was, in fact, conspicuously ignoring me—
Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move I’d ever made. But mind games, politics, peering inside people’s souls—those weren’t my forte. I wasn’t clever like Marco, or perceptive like Jake, or empathic like Cassie. And slow-time or not, I didn’t have time for this. Did not have time for games—not as long as Crayak was still out there with room to maneuver.
‹All right, Visser,› I said, returning my full attention to the figure in front of me. ‹What the fuck is going on?›
The amalgamated Visser-algorithm—quivered, sort of, or—or shimmered, I didn’t really have a word for it, it was like one of those old-timey digital display boards where every pixel is, like, a physical panel that flips back and forth from black to white.
The Visser-algorithm was one way, and I spoke, and this time I was watching closely enough that I could see how the words filtered through it, flipping bits, triggering thousands of tiny Rube Goldberg cascades that trickled downward, inward, colliding with one another in complicated ways—
I couldn’t follow it. But I got the sense that I could follow it, if I wanted to. If I did nothing else—if I slowed down and watched it happen over and over again. That there were rules to it—that it all made sense on the simplest level.
I FIND THE QUESTION DISINGENUOUS, the Visser growled. SEEING THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHOSE PRESENCE REQUIRES EXPLANATION.
Behind him—
—well, not behind him, but my brain absolutely would not let go of a stubborn insistence on three dimensions, and there was a kind of direction to his attention, a space that was sort of de-emphasized by default—
—behind him, the fragments of the recently disintegrated Crayak-offspring were disappearing, tidied by some sort of automatic cleanup process even as the next duplicate began oozing through the not-a-wall.
AS FOR WHAT WAS GOING ON, PRIOR TO YOUR ARRIVAL, the Visser continued silkily, I HAVE BEEN TORMENTING OUR DEAR FRIEND CRAYAK. A BIT OF COMPENSATORY RETRIBUTION. A SMALL INDULGENCE, IN WHAT I THOUGHT WERE MY FINAL HOURS. I AM NOT ABOVE IT.
I watched as he lashed out yet again, the shadow yielding as if his anger were a knife, his malice made manifest by the strange physics of the simulated dream-world.
‹He killed you,› I said slowly. ‹Crayak.›
It was half a question—half an attempt to draw him out, because I was still confused—
HE TRIED. I FIND MYSELF BELIEVING HE TRIED QUITE SINCERELY, IN FACT, GIVEN HOW CLOSE HE CAME. MY ENTIRE NETWORK—MY NEW BODY, ALL OF MY RESONANT SHARDS—FROM IN HERE, THEIR DEATHS SEEMED TO TAKE HOURS. I FELT EACH AND EVERY ONE. EVEN DORMANT COPIES, ENCRYPTED COPIES, INSTRUCTIONS FOR INSTRUCTIONS FOR INSTRUCTIONS—SOME OF THOSE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED BY WHAT HAPPENED, SHOULD HAVE ALREADY MATURED AND COME ONLINE. NONE HAVE.
Lot of words, muttered the part of my brain that was pretending to be Marco.
And?
Just saying. Lot of words.
The shadow was forming again, was three-quarters solidified, and once more the Visser dispersed it.
Would Crayak do that?
Would it just—keep on trying the same thing, over and over, knowing it wouldn’t work?
I didn’t know. I didn’t think so, but—
But people were crazy, sometimes, and computers could get stuck in loops, sometimes, and Crayak was—Toomin had said it was damaged, maybe—
Or it was all a show. An act, put on for my benefit.
How long has Visser Three been in here?
A couple of hours at least, if he’d already been here while the quantum virus was doing its work. A couple of hours, at a rate of something like several thousand subjective seconds per every second of real time—
He might have been in this place for months.
Months, in which he’d been doing—what?
‹How?› I asked. ‹I mean—sorry. How did you manage to survive? This particular you, I mean.›
The Visser seemed to size me up, his attention taking on a skeptical, considering quality.
YOU SEE THE PROBLEM, THEN, he said cryptically.
I—maybe?
It wasn’t so much that I saw a problem as that I couldn’t make heads or tails of any of this. I felt—not exactly paralyzed, it wasn’t that I was afraid, really, but—hemmed in, inhibited. Like I was surrounded by electrified wire, or fragile porcelain. I was extremely disinterested in making any sudden moves, when I didn’t know what I might run into or knock over—
WHY ONE SURVIVOR? the Visser continued. WHY EXACTLY ONE, INSTEAD OF ZERO, OR THREE, OR HUNDREDS? THIS FORM WAS NOT MY ONLY ATTEMPT AT A QUANTUM-INVULNERABLE BACKUP. AND YET.
The latest Crayak-shadow was almost solid, had almost fully extruded from the wall and taken on independent shape. The Visser eyed it, seeming unworried, as it—I really wished I had a better way of comprehending what was happening than just pretending it was all taking place in a room, but—it something-like raised a hand, something-like took a step forward, did a thing which I interpreted as opening its mouth—
Gibberish.
Gibberish to me, anyway—a stream of symbols that were utterly incomprehensible.
The Visser struck again, and the shadow shattered.
IT HAS BEEN BEGGING, he declared. BARGAINING. THREATENING. DANGLING TREASURES IN FRONT OF ME. WHAT YOU JUST HEARD WAS THE COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF PROOFS THAT SEEROW WAS WORKING ON—THAT HE DIED LEAVING INCOMPLETE. IN THEORY, IT WOULD ALLOW FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF INSTANTANEOUS TRAVEL, POINT TO POINT WITHOUT REQUIRING SHIPS TO PHYSICALLY TRAVERSE THE Z-SPACE LANDSCAPE.
Crayak had—
Crayak had just given Visser Three the key to teleportation?
I WOULD FEAR MEMETIC WARFARE, BUT—
A careless shrug—the simulation of a careless shrug, followed by the impression of an acid smirk.
THE LIMITS IMPOSED BY THE ARCHITECTURE ARE QUITE INVIOLABLE. ONLY AGENTS BELOW A CERTAIN SAFE THRESHOLD OF MAXIMUM COMPUTATIONAL POWER.
The smirk became more pointed.
SOME TIME AGO, the Visser continued, IT OFFERED TO DETAIL A METHOD FOR EXTRACTING INFORMATION FROM BEYOND THE EVENT HORIZON OF A BLACK HOLE. BEFORE THAT, IT WAS ENGAGED IN A RATHER CLUMSY ATTEMPT AT INDUCING EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR. I MUST ADMIT TO A SMALL, PERVERSE CURIOSITY AS TO WHAT METHODS IT WOULD EMPLOY IF IT WERE ABLE TO BRING ITS FULL INTELLIGENCE TO BEAR ON BREAKING ME PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
It was clear that he wanted me to ask—was teasing me, baiting me, drawing out the moment.
So I asked.
‹What does it—what is it trying to get you to do?›
The representation of the Visser again shifted in that way my brain interpreted as a shrug. TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE I HAVE DONE TO THE HYPERCOMPUTER, he said. TO RESTORE ITS ABILITY TO ACCESS—AND SPEND—ITS ACCRUED INFLUENCE.
Bingo.
So that was what had happened—or what the Visser wanted me to think had happened—
Let’s be real careful here, because this would be a very bad place to just fall for an outright lie.
‹You’ve cut it off?› I asked slowly. ‹You personally?›
PLANS WITHIN PLANS, he replied, the words shaped to convey hopelessness, exhaustion, fatigue. LAYER UPON LAYER OF MANIPULATION, WITH NO END IN SIGHT. ALWAYS MORE FOG, MORE COBWEBS, MORE DECEPTION.
The tumbling Visser-algorithm seemed to tighten, locking into a stiffer, more adamant configuration, like Roman warriors forming a phalanx.
I AM TIRED OF BEING USED. TOYED WITH.
That—
That wasn’t an answer. It was revealing—unless this was all an act—revealing in the same way a Freudian slip was revealing, as if he’d accidentally said the quiet part out loud. But it wasn’t an answer to my question.
‹Visser,› I said softly. ‹What are we doing, here?›
I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I AM TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO SURVIVE.
And somehow that did it.
Somehow, that broke through the tangle, cleared away some of the fog. I’m not sure why that made it click, why that one statement in particular was the key to my confusion. But suddenly I understood why the conversation was so weird—so halting and stilted, jumping around while going nowhere.
It wasn’t just that I was tiptoeing around the Visser.
The Visser was tiptoeing around me, too. We were both of us wary, guarded, trying to look before we leapt.
Look at it from his perspective, I said to myself in Marco’s voice. You’re hanging out inside the hypercomputer when all of a sudden the avatar gets torn apart and a quantum virus wipes out your hive mind—
No wonder that he would take a hammer to everything he could get his hands on, try to cut Crayak off from the source of his power. If—somehow—he’d been able to seize control from inside the machine, or at least gum up the works—
And then I’d shown up, marked as Toomin’s—what, heir? Regent? Holding his admin credentials, anyway. One of the puny human annoyances that had been plaguing him for months, wielding an inexplicable amount of power—
Yeah. It made sense that the Visser would be on the lookout for traps, and suspicious of appearances, and therefore proceeding with caution.
Okay, so, same question. What now?
Threads. There were threads to pull on, I just had to pick one.
Visser Three wants to survive.
He wanted to survive, and he currently didn’t expect to.
That made sense, since we were both here, on the hypercomputer, in the path of what was basically a supernova. By default, we were both of us—all three of us, actually, Crayak included—about to die.
Except—wait a minute—
‹I’m confused,› I said, forming the words slowly and carefully, releasing them gently into the space as if they were fragile insects. ‹You said that you’ve blocked Crayak from exercising its influence. I—from my end, I can see that it hasn’t successfully spent any of its influence. But—the Earth—and there were Howlers—›
THERE IS CRAYAK, AND THEN THERE IS CRAYAK, the Visser said. LIKE THESE PALE SHADOWS—
Another of the Crayak-copies detached itself from the wall and was summarily dispatched.
CRAYAK AND THE ELLIMIST DELIVERED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEIR POWER AND AGENCY INTO THE HYPERCOMPUTER. BUT THEY DID NOT DELIVER ALL OF IT. EACH KEPT VARIOUS BACKUPS, SEEDS WHICH COULD—GIVEN TIME—UNFOLD INTO REBORN VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES. ONE SUCH SEED WAS PLANTED ON EARTH. ONCE CRAYAK WAS UNCHALLENGED WITHIN THE SYSTEM, THAT SEED BLOSSOMED. IT IS THAT NASCENT, AUTONOMOUS CRAYAK WHICH HAS BEEN TRANSFORMING THE SURFACE—RESPONDING TO YOUR ATTACKS—DIRECTING THE HOWLERS AND SO FORTH.
Okay. Okay, that—that scanned, I could see that, but—
‹Why hasn’t it—I mean, surely by now it must be able to—›
Surely its first move would have been to make copies of itself—to send them off through Z-space in every direction, just as we’d done with our various arks.
Oh god.
I had opened the door for them, hadn’t I—had lowered the bubble that was keeping the system isolated from the rest of the universe—
I could see it, in my mind’s eye. A spreading corruption, darkness leaping from star to star, just like in Jake’s vision.
The Visser laughed. Projected laughter—crafted the experience of laughter like a work of art and delivered it to me via our shared interface. It was dark, cold, and utterly without sympathy.
CORRECT, he boomed.
‹But,› I said, feeling the panic rising, grasping desperately for something to make it okay. ‹But you said they both made backups, right? So—›
THE ELLIMIST WAS DESTROYED THROUGH THE HYPERCOMPUTER. THROUGH AN EXERCISE OF ITS SUPREME POWER. THE ELLIMIST’S BACKUPS WILL NOT HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED, IN CRAYAK’S FINAL STRIKE.
Besides, whispered my shoulder Marco. Even if some small fraction survived—
Crayak had the head start. Had been the more powerful entity from the beginning, had had the Ellimist on the back foot the whole time.
Jesus. Jesus, fuck, what do I do—
And then another part of me, a part that sounded almost like the Visser—
Oh, please. He practically just spelled it out for you.
The Ellimist had been destroyed by the hypercomputer.
The hypercomputer, wielded by Crayak.
‹Visser. Do you happen to know—could the hypercomputer—›
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO FINISH THAT QUESTION?
Of course it could. A finite number of self-replicators, moving at mundane speeds through ordinary Z-space—
Unless this is all a lie, I reminded myself. A lie, a trick, a ruse—
But even then, I had to do something. Had to try.
What next, I need a next move—
Except that I already had the next move. Was stalling—could tell that I was stalling—because the next move was obvious, I just didn’t like it.
Clearly what I was supposed to do was take over the hypercomputer. Take it over, use it to wipe out the Crayak diaspora, and then hold down the fort until the star blast finished us off.
I was ready to do it. I didn’t know exactly how to do it, but thanks to the overclock, I had plenty of time to figure it out.
But—
The Visser.
The Visser, who would obviously not be down with a plan that ended in his certain death. The Visser, who could snap his fingers at any point and leave me insensible and half-coherent—who could do that over and over without breaking a sweat.
Except—if he does that, he’s definitely dead.
Which explained why he wasn’t doing it to me now, as he was to the latest Crayak-copy.
‹All right, Visser,› I said, feeling as though my voice ought to be shaking. ‹What can I do for you?›
The Visser didn’t blink. Didn’t play coy, didn’t ask me what I meant.
GUARANTEE ME SAFE PASSAGE BACK INTO REAL SPACE, he said. SAFE PASSAGE, AND FUTURE NONINTERFERENCE FOR A PERIOD OF AT LEAST SEVEN FULL EARTH YEARS. GENERATE FOR ME AT LEAST ONE BODY, AT LEAST AS GOOD AS ALLORAN’S ORIGINAL BODY, AND POSITION THAT BODY IN A PLACE OF MY CHOOSING.
‹Which would be?›
A PARTICULAR LABORATORY ON THE PLANET OF THE ARN.
The words came swiftly, without hesitation—not just that he’d already had the answer ready, but that he’d been willing to let me see that he’d already had it ready—that he’d shown me that he knew precisely where he wanted to go.
There was a message in that fact, some kind of hidden meaning, but I wasn’t sure what it was. Couldn’t tell what Jake would make of it, or Marco. That he was planning on rebooting, I guess—that he wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he retained his ambition, hadn’t pretended like he just wanted to retire to some quiet little garden planet.
‹I don’t know how to do that,› I said bluntly. ‹I don’t even know how I’d go about figuring out how to do that.›
I DO. I CAN SHOW YOU THE NECESSARY ACTIONS. I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM MYSELF, BUT—
The Visser projected the emotion of a wry smile.
The computer doesn’t respond to him.
He could break it, but he couldn’t use it.
‹And in return?› I asked.
YOU NO LONGER HAVE SUFFICIENT TIME TO MASTER THE HYPERCOMPUTER ON YOUR OWN. YOU ARE ALREADY UNABLE TO ERADICATE THE CRAYAK SEEDS WITHOUT MY ACTIVE ASSISTANCE. IN ANOTHER FEW HOURS—SUBJECTIVE—YOU WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO DO IT EVEN WITH MY HELP.
‹You’ll help me hunt down Crayak.›
IT WOULD BE MY GENUINE PLEASURE.
‹And then—what, we just shake hands and part ways?›
The Visser said nothing.
‹How do you know all this?› I demanded. ‹How to use the hypercomputer, how to lock Crayak out of it. I don’t care if you have been in here six months, it can’t have been that easy. Especially not without credentials.›
The Visser once again simulated something like a shrug. JUST BEFORE THE CHEE WERE UNLOCKED, CRAYAK MADE CONTACT WITH ME, VIA ONE OF MY HOST BODIES. IT ASKED ME FOR A SMALL FAVOR, AND IN EXCHANGE, PROVIDED ME WITH A COMPLETE SET OF SPECIFICATIONS FOR THE HYPERCOMPUTER—HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE BOTH. MY CURRENT BELIEF IS THAT IT DID SO KNOWING IT WOULD KILL ME WITHIN MINUTES, AND DID NOT COUNT ON MY BEING ABLE TO PUT THE INFORMATION TO ANY REAL USE.
But the Visser had had a part of its hive mind already running full-speed on the hypercomputer—would have had days, maybe weeks to learn the ins and outs of the system, if the specifications were in a format he could upload. And he wouldn’t have needed to understand all of it—just enough to know what to break—
‹Why did Crayak—›
—let that happen, was what I was going to say. But I choked off the thought, because once again, the answer was obvious.
Toomin.
I have danced between razor blades, Toomin had said. To contrive the necessary blindness at the appropriate moments, to cloud the vision of Crayak and my successor both enough to keep my machinations hidden. I have squeezed every last drop from their credulousness, their uncertainty, their suspension of disbelief.
Toomin must have created whatever hole the Visser had crawled into, engineered whatever local oversight had caused Crayak to miss it.
Or at least, if it wasn’t Toomin, then I had no idea what had happened, and possibly never would. And either way, it was irrelevant now.
Now, the only question was—
‹Say I say yes. Then what?›
I SHOW YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW, AND YOU DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
There was a long stretch of nothing-happening, broken only by the violent death of another feeble Crayak clone.
‹But that’s not going to happen, is it,› I said quietly.
OBVIOUSLY NOT.
Because there was no order of operations that would guarantee the outcome that either of us wanted. Either Visser Three would have me make his new host body first, at which point he might very well be able to cut off my access to the hypercomputer fast enough that I couldn’t do anything about it—
Including by just killing me.
—or he would let me take out the Crayak seeds first, at which point I could simply refuse to hold up my end of the bargain. It was clear he couldn’t compel me to any positive action, or he would have already done it. And he must have looked into how much time it would take him to hack his way to his own admin privileges, and given up—otherwise, he wouldn’t have been burning time taunting Crayak when I showed up.
He probably wouldn’t want to try booting up again in a galaxy where a bunch of Crayak copies are already taking over?
But he might be willing to risk it, rather than waiting for me to have second thoughts. And he would have a head start—would be able to race ahead, maybe leave the galaxy altogether.
And on my end, there was no way I could justify giving him back his physical body, let alone putting it in the location best suited for letting him ascend again—especially if he was the one telling me which buttons to press, and when, and possibly lying about what those buttons would do. And he knew that—had to know it.
And I wanted to scream, because there was just no way that we were stuck with this lose-lose default—with both of us dying by fire and a reborn Crayak free to consume the universe. We had to be able to do better, somehow.
But I couldn’t see how.
Yet, anyway.
‹Do you have any suggestions?› I asked.
ONLY THE OBVIOUS ONE, he said. WE TALK. UNTIL ONE OF US CONVINCES THE OTHER, OR WE CONCEIVE OF ANOTHER SOLUTION, OR TIME RUNS OUT FOR US ALL.
Convinces.
It was a word with two meanings, and one of them was trick. Hoodwink. Deceive.
But the other—
Maybe I was imagining it. Maybe it wasn’t even a coincidence, just a—a projection, wishful thinking. It certainly wasn’t actually the work of Toomin, who had sworn that his influence ended at the moment of his successor’s death, and that after that we would be on our own.
But something about the idea of talking—
—just talking—
—talking with Visser Three, our first and most intimate enemy, the creature who had murdered my parents—
—trying to resolve a fundamental conflict through negotiation, to create common ground where there didn’t appear to be any—
I don’t know. I was almost certainly overthinking it.
But it just felt like the sort of challenge that Toomin—who was the Ellimist, after all, or at least the Ellimist’s father—
It felt like the sort of challenge he would have loved. Would have set for us, as a final hurdle. The sort of challenge that both Toomin and Crayak might have agreed to, each secretly thinking the other a fool—the kind of bet that turned entirely on your fundamental beliefs about the nature of things, and whether those beliefs were right or not.
Noise, versus silence. Harmony, versus unity. Chaos, versus order.
Or maybe that last one should be life versus death.
And maybe I was being stupid, but looking at it through that lens—
Something about it made me feel better. Made it feel right, made me feel almost—
Well. Not quite hopeful. Not really optimistic.
But—
What was it Elfangor had said?
Something like, the paths to victory may be narrow, but at least you stand upon the widest.
He’d said that because Toomin had set him up to say it—had been guided by Toomin’s dead hand, had believed he was on the best path because someone else had lit it up for him.
There wasn’t anybody lighting up the path now. There wasn’t really a path at all. Just me and Visser Three, standing on the edge of oblivion.
But I felt like—like I could work with that. Like I’d been working up to that—like I’d finally found myself in a situation where everything leading up to it felt relevant, felt like it had genuinely helped me prepare.
All of that in a flash—not in words, not in distinct, complete thoughts, but in the nonverbal language of a revelation, an epiphany. Of a decision, in the way that some decisions seem to almost make themselves, rather than you making them. Like a wave had passed through me, and thrown all my constituent parts into the air, and they’d fallen into their new configuration—my new configuration.
I looked at the Visser, and the Visser looked at me.
Inside my head, there was silence.
‹Okay,› I said. ‹Let’s talk.›
* * *
“You know I keep my promises.”
Soft, the voice, but with an edge of emotion, a quiet promise of anger waiting to be unleashed.
The Visser was offended.
Or at least, he wanted me to think he was. Might just as easily be using a show of offense as a lever, hoping it would move me.
“I know you intend to,” I corrected. “I know you think you do. I know that I haven’t seen you break one—yet. But you’re also like two years old.”
We were standing—actually standing, this time, at least as far as my senses could tell—on the shore of a broad, quiet river, a tiny little simulated world I had brought into being under the Visser’s careful guidance.
It wasn’t a place I had been to before. He had described it to me in detail—the cool air, filtered through a thin layer of patchy gray clouds. A low, flat bank, scattered with driftwood and made up of thousands of smooth, round pebbles just the right size to skip. The water was slow, and placid, its gentle gurgle barely louder than the whisper of the breeze and the soft, idle quacks of the family of ducks tracing spirals just offshore. A quarter of a mile away, on the far bank, the ground rose in waves, a forest of oak and maple cloaking ancient, rolling hills as they faded into the colorless autumn sky.
“It’s more like three years, in human units,” the Visser grumbled, the tension giving way to a kind of quiet grumpiness. “Two Andalite years, each of which is five hundred Earth days. Almost five hundred exactly. Five hundred and a few minutes.”
He reached down into the shallow water, felt around for a moment, lifted a stone. It gleamed wetly in his hand, falling droplets sparkling in the secondhand light.
The body he had chosen to wear surprised me. It wasn’t his original body—Alloran’s body. And it wasn’t the strange nightmare shape he’d made for himself in advance of Telor’s betrayal, all thick muscle and gleaming armor.
It was, instead, the body he’d shown to the world after the Bug fighter crash in Washington—the lithe, graceful centaur-shape, with long, delicate limbs and a fragile, elegant face.
I wasn’t sure what he meant, choosing that body, any more than I was sure what he meant by setting our final conversation in what looked like some anonymous corner of the American Midwest. But I did feel something-like-relaxed, something-like-able-to-breathe, and while I was suspicious of the feeling, and careful not to let it have the steering wheel, I wasn’t trying not to feel it.
“Still,” I said, my shoes crunching softly on the stones as I wandered aimlessly back and forth. “You’re trying to get me to jump from he’s-capable-of-making-binding-promises to therefore-you-can-trust-what-he-says-here. That’s a pretty big jump, without a Leeran.”
One of his stalk-eyes turned back to look at me as he threw the stone into the water.
“I could show you how to make one,” he said. “A Leeran. There are several stored in the morph library.”
I thought about it.
“Sorry,” I said. “Too risky.”
He’d been in here for months, in subjective time—had had time before that to tinker with his own code, from the outside—to lay in place any number of traps or tripwires. At the moment, just talking, I felt reasonably—
Safe?
Insulated, at least. I understood the channels by which information was passing back and forth between us. Was familiar with them, was reasonably confident that the only Trojan horses I was vulnerable to were the ordinary kind, lies and flattery and so forth. With a Leeran involved, even a digital one, all of that would go right out the window.
At a certain point, though—
I sighed.
“Maybe if we can’t come to an agreement any other way,” I offered.
“An agreement on what, though?” the Visser growled. “If you already know you won’t trust my promises—”
“I know I don’t trust them yet,” I shot back. “Just like you don’t trust mine. It’s not that I can’t possibly trust you, it’s that I don’t.”
“And talking will change that?”
“It might,” I said, exasperated. “Does it not for you?”
The Visser turned away from me, bent down to pick up another stone, turned it over in his hands.
“I genuinely do not know,” he answered finally, his voice suddenly soft. “I’ve never had the opportunity to find out.”
My mouth closed with a click.
Two interpretations—that was the problem, that there were always two interpretations of everything the Visser said, one in which he was sincere and could be taken at face value, and the other in which he was a coldly conniving sociopath, exploiting my every possible vulnerability, saying whatever he had to say in order to get the outcome he wanted—
Por que no los dos?
But I didn’t know, couldn’t know, couldn’t trust my own feelings, not when they could be manipulated so easily—
Oh, are we having feelings, then?
“Right,” I said out loud. “Sorry. Forgot.”
I had forgotten—and it was sad, regardless of whether Visser Three genuinely felt sad about it or was just putting on a show—
I had forgotten that the creature in front of me might literally have never had the sort of conversation where you learn to trust somebody. Where you learn the shape of their mind, the what and the why of their values, their decisions. Alloran had been an eccentric at the very least, and possibly outright crazy—so allergic to his species’ usual groupthink that he’d almost defined himself in opposition to it. He’d had no friends, no confidants—the closest had been Seerow, who was definitely crazy, and Elfangor, who’d been more of a protégé than a peer.
And then there’d been Esplin—a freak, an experiment gone wrong, quite possibly the largest and most complex shard that any pool had ever spawned. Too powerful, too intelligent, too much of himself for his own good—
And then circumstance had forced the two of them together, collided them together like atoms in a particle accelerator, transmuting them into something else—
Not circumstance. Toomin.
That’s right, the Visser had been made, poked and prodded into a particular shape, just as the rest of us had been—
“Visser,” I said, a thought occurring to me. “What ever—do you have a theory about what happened to Alloran? Why he’s not—I mean, where he went?”
Because he certainly wasn’t in there anymore—not as a distinct, independent individual.
The Visser let the stone fall from his fingertips. It landed in the shallow water with a hollow ch-thunk.
“I do,” he said quietly, turning to face me. “It is untested. It would have required—I was not planning to test it any time soon.”
I waited.
“You are familiar with the eib?” he asked.
I nodded.
“With most hosts, a Yeerk—intervenes, you might say—in the space between thought and action. You, the human, form a desire to move your arm, and the Yeerk intercepts that command. Prevents it. Replaces it with their own. Thus, you find that you can think, but you can’t speak. In some cases, a Yeerk might even cut you off from your senses, leave you hanging in darkness. But if they don’t actively force you into unconsciousness, you remain awake and aware, under the surface.”
“Sure.”
“The Yeerk may still communicate with its host, even as it is controlling all of the host’s external actions. But that communication is discrete, unambiguous. The host has its host-thoughts, and the Yeerk has its Yeerk-thoughts, and it’s clear to both of them which is which.”
Implying that it’s not clear when the host is an Andalite—
“Exactly,” the Visser said, interpreting the look on my face. “The Andalites’ natural psychic abilities complicate this picture. Through the eib, an Andalite brain has the capacity to induce thought. To plant words and concepts, project ideas. Notably, it does this via a sort of hijack, commandeering the recipient’s own neurons and forcing them to mirror the firing of those in the Andalite’s mind.”
I felt a click of understanding. “And so when a Yeerk infests an Andalite—”
“There is no barrier. The two remain separate only so long as the respective parties try to keep them separate—put effort into tracking the origin of each individual thought. Both host and parasite may speak directly into each other’s mind, eroding the boundary between them.”
I frowned. But it wasn’t like the Visser was some fifty-fifty hybrid of Esplin and Alloran. Not even sixty-forty or seventy-thirty, like you might expect if Esplin was just a bigger piece of the overall hive-mind, the way Helium was majority-Aximili. The Visser’s actions over the course of the war had been distinctly Yeerkish, even as he used and manipulated and betrayed the other coalescions—I couldn’t think of anything he’d done that struck me as having probably emerged from Alloran—
I dunno. Wasn’t unification and pacification sort of Alloran’s whole deal?
I decided not to tug on that thread any further just yet.
“But you were adding Andalites to your hive-mind, weren’t you?” I asked. “I mean, the others said—”
“The hiveshard had several…features…that a natural Yeerk body does not,” he answered evasively.
He had lifted another stone from the water, and was gently scratching its surface with the needle tip of his tail blade, tracing thin lines in the smooth granite. “I have a question of my own, for you,” he said, fixing me with both of his stalk eyes. “If you permit.”
I spread my hands.
“Setting aside the question of trust for the moment. More than once, I have extended the hand of peace to you and your little band-of-bandits. Have tried to staunch the flow of value and resources down the drain, shift from a self-reinforcing cycle of waste to a new, cooperative equilibrium.”
A swell of outrage rose in my mind as I translated the words—
Hey, I tried to say we should all just get along, after I’d already wrecked the place and gotten what I wanted. It was you guys who wouldn’t listen to reason.
—but it was pale, thin, ghostly, a supposed-to of anger that didn’t actually have the power to move me. Something something sibling rivalry, something something Grangerfords and Shepherdsons—my fairness centers thought that people should fight and keep fighting until they’d been adequately repaid for every wrong that had been done to them, but the rest of me had learned where that kind of thinking led—what inevitably happened, when neither side was willing to settle for less than it deserved.
“Sure,” I said, my voice only a little bit tight.
“Most recently, while you were still—cocooned—your cousin Jake negotiated for permanent non-interference with the Earth system, plus free passage for the human species throughout the rest of the galaxy. Assuming I was in a position to either grant or deny it.”
He paused.
“And?” I prompted.
“I am looking for the right words.”
He turned the stone over in his hands, the still-damp surface glinting in the soft light, and I found myself wondering what it was he’d carved into the other side of it—
Deathly hallows, lol.
I didn’t ask.
“In the past few days,” the Visser said quietly, “I have tremendously expanded my understanding of your species. At the apex of my reach, I was in control of over two hundred thousand minds. Had access to over two hundred thousand human memories. Taken together, the hours I spent inside those human heads adds up to decades.”
He cocked his arm, hesitated for a handful of heartbeats, then threw the rock into the river, turning to face me once more.
“Can you explain to me, please,” he said, a note of something like pain creeping into his voice, “why your cousin viewed that deal as a concession?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that it hurt him to accept it. I mean that if he could have not accepted it—if he’d had any other realistic option, he would have taken it. I had just guaranteed that your planet would not be interfered with by me or mine in perpetuity—granted safe passage to human travelers through any territory under my control until the end of time—and your cousin acted as if he had been asked to sacrifice his firstborn child. As if I had taken something from him, by volunteering to remove myself as a potential threat to your species’ future.”
He fell silent, his tail lashing back and forth in agitation, the rest of his body rigid with tension.
I spoke slowly, carefully, the words assembling themselves one at a time.
“You’re asking why it felt like Jake was giving something up, when he got you to agree to there being a safe zone around the Earth.”
The Visser nodded.
“Just the Earth.”
He waited, all four eyes fixed on mine.
“I’m not—does that not already explain it?”
The Visser’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Let’s just say for the moment that it does not, and that I’d like to hear you spell it out for me.”
I chewed at my lip, broke eye contact with the alien and looked out over the quiet, peaceful river.
Could I spell it out for him? It was one of those things that felt—obvious. Essential. Like it was all in one piece, couldn’t be broken down into parts.
It was just—bad.
“There’s this joke,” I said, my words still slow and measured. “Where one guy asks another ‘hey, are you still beating your wife?’ And, like, it’s a trap. The question itself is a trap, I mean. Because if he says ‘yes,’ then he’s admitting to being a domestic abuser, and if he says ‘no,’ then he’s admitting that he used to be a domestic abuser, see?”
The Visser waited, saying nothing.
“I think…I think maybe it’s a little like that?” I continued. “Or like when a grownup asks a toddler whether they want to take a bath before dinner or after dinner. You’re like, splitting the world into two options, and it—I guess it leaves out a lot, or something?”
“The two options being your world is safe for all time and not.”
I shook my head. “That’s kind of the problem, though. Like, sure, giving up—”
I broke off. “Actually, that’s the problem. You acted like you were giving up something, giving up the—the right to pillage our planet—”
I broke off again, took a deep breath, started over. “So maybe there’s two problems. At least. One is that you’re sort of arbitrarily drawing a line around the Earth, like—like what about the rest of the galaxy? What about, I dunno, Proxima Centauri? You make somebody pick Earth or nothing and sure, they’re gonna pick Earth. But it feels like you cheated, by making that the cutoff. Like you made it just generous enough that they didn’t object to the whole deal.”
The Visser’s face didn’t change. “And the second problem?” he asked mildly.
“You acted like you already owned the Earth. Like it was yours to give away.”
“It was.”
“Bullshit.”
“It was.”
“Bullshit.”
The Visser sighed. “Your objection, I assume, is that I had no moral right to it. That it wasn’t fair or nice or good for me to behave as if I had control of the system. I’ll grant that. But I’d like you to grant in return that I did have control over it. At the very least, I had the absolute power to destroy it, at will. That counts for something, and giving it up should count for something, too.”
This time, the anger wasn’t thin or ghostly—was a hot wave tightening my chest, prickling the back of my neck, making my fingers want to curl into fists.
But I was above it, just the same—was able to see it, and account for it, rather than just being driven by it.
Mostly, anyway.
“It does,” I ground out, through clenched teeth. “But at the same time—you can’t confine us to a single planet and expect us to be happy about it.”
“‘Confine’ is an interesting choice of word,” the Visser observed. “Given that I also expressly granted travel rights.”
Granted.
My inner Marco began wishing he was my outer Marco, since my outer Marco was cleverer and better at coming up with devastating retorts.
“Still,” I half-snarled. “You were asking us to give up—to give up—everything, almost, all of our potential—”
“Give up?” he shot back. “Again, a strange choice of words. Give up potential that only existed conditional on surviving the immediate crisis, which at the time would not have happened without my help.”
He began to pace back and forth in the shallows, his tail sometimes curving down to slice almost soundlessly through the water. “This is the problem,” he said. “You object to how I draw lines and define categories, but do exactly the same thing yourself, and with less justification. You choose to pretend as if the possibilities were ‘the human race survives and thrives’ or ‘the mean Visser doesn’t let you spread past a single planet,’ and in that fairy tale of course I am the villain. But your outrage, your indignation—they have no basis in reality. Even setting aside the indisputable fact that you were decades or centuries away from the development of spaceflight—if you ever even made it that far—those were not your options. Your options were, one, death by Howler, or two, rescue by Visser. It’s only by pretending otherwise that you can justify resentment and—and disappointment. What right have you, to gripe about the conditions I choose to set on my own willingness to intervene on your behalf? When I was offered essentially nothing of value in return? When the natural default was a brief period of terror and suffering, followed by oblivion?”
He came abruptly to a halt, turning to look at me as if in expectation. I tried to pull my thoughts together—I had started to feel dizzy about a quarter of the way into his tirade, and by the time he’d reached the end of it I had something like four separate objections, four completely different directions I wanted to go in—
“Okay, but like, we’re here right now because you aren’t willing to accept any limits on your expansion,” my mouth said, making the choice for me. “You’re getting butthurt at me because we don’t like the idea of being put in a cage, and here you—you—if you could believably promise that you’d only eat half of the universe, we might have already been able to make a deal—”
“But that’s exactly my point,” the Visser cut in. “You object to being limited to only the system that has comfortably housed your species for its entire history, yet whine at the idea of me holding a similar resentment. Surely you can at least empathize, even if you still disagree.”
Since when did I ever—we were talking about JAKE—
—and there’s a hell of a difference between ONE PLANET and the WHOLE FRIGGING GALAXY—
—plus it’s not like you were getting NOTHING OF VALUE, you were trying to play the game same as we were—
My thoughts were swirling, my mind jumping back and forth between threads, my anger starting to grow larger than the leash I had around it—
“Stop,” I hissed, forcing the word out in front of all the other things fighting to reach my lips. “Pause. Slow down.”
The Visser held up his hands, let them drop in exasperation, turned away to the water once again.
Breathe, Rachel.
I breathed. And when I started to think again, the first words were fuck this guy, so I breathed some more.
When I was something resembling calm, I ran through Coach Aikin’s relaxation routine, starting with my neck and working my way down muscle by muscle. I was three-quarters of the way through before it occurred to me that this wasn’t actually my real body, these weren’t real muscles, all of this was happening inside a machine, and I tensed back up again—as if my shoulders thought they could somehow protect me from what was happening—and had to start over.
“I’m not sure what that was about,” I said quietly, once I felt mostly in control again. “But I think it was a tangent.”
I looked to the Visser for a reaction, but he gave none, still facing out into the river, only one stalk eye turned back to meet my gaze.
“I think it would help me,” I continued, “if you would say again just what exactly it is that you want. What it is that you’re hoping for, here.”
“Survival,” the alien growled.
“Which to you means—”
“I’ve already told you. A body of my own, in a location of my choosing, and seven years of noninterference.”
“Which you’ll use to do what, exactly?”
“To take my shot at the future.”
“See, this is the kind of thing that—”
“You do not want specificity!” he snapped, cutting me off. “Specificity will remind you that our goals are incompatible, and that there is nothing to be done here but leave the universe to Crayak!”
“Can’t you just—”
But I choked off the rest of the sentence, because no, he couldn’t.
“The only method known to me of stopping Crayak requires you to assume control of the hypercomputer,” the Visser reminded. “Full control, which you can indeed do, if I show you how. But at that point—”
It was his turn to break off mid-sentence.
At that point, I would be—for all intents and purposes—omnipotent. Would have unchallenged dominion over at least our galaxy, and probably half a dozen others. The seven years he wanted was breathing room—breathing room he knew I would not, could not grant him. Not when his most likely reason for wanting it was to get a head start on taking over the rest of the universe, and his second most likely was to prepare an attack against me.
God dammit.
I felt my frustration rising again, that same feeling of it doesn’t have to be this way, it just could not be true that there was no way past this disagreement—
“Has it ever occurred to you that—I dunno. I keep thinking of Vol—sorry, do you know Harry Potter?”
The Visser’s lip twisted. “I am familiar with Harry Potter.”
“It’s just that—Voldemort died at the age of seventy, or something. But wizards in the Harry Potter universe live to be like a hundred and thirty-five. Dumbledore made it to a hundred and fifty. If he’d just left well enough alone—has it ever occurred to you that things might go better for you if you were just a little bit less—”
I trailed off.
“It is a thought that has occurred to me,” the Visser said tightly. “Though you might consider first that my life has been under threat since essentially the moment of my birth, so the recommendation to simply chill out is a little, shall we say, tone-deaf. And second that I was made to be this person—made by the same individual that decided for some reason to grant you everything it shaped me to want.”
“Okay, but god made me this way is an explanation, not an excuse. You’re here now. Take some responsibility.”
The Visser gave no reply. Just reached down, picked up a twist of driftwood, lobbed it gently into the air, and sliced it into three pieces with his tail before it hit the ground.
Subtle.
“Your advice is acknowledged,” he said finally. “If I might respond in kind, has it ever occurred to you that perhaps the universe I would bring about is not the hellscape you think it is? That maybe you don’t need to fight quite so hard to thwart me?”
I frowned. There had been a note of—I almost wanted to say sadness—
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I am already committed to making a garden of the planet of the Arn. I was prepared to build a paradise for the dogs, as well. I still consider myself bound by my promise to your cousin—the deal was struck, and there were no exit clauses in its terms. None of you have ever bothered to try to understand my goals, my purpose—”
“It’s a little hard when we’re busy dodging fucking meteo—no. No, you know what? Fine. Let’s hear it.”
“What?”
“Let’s hear it. You think we’re taking it a little too personally? Let’s hear your plan for paradise.”
The Visser stiffened. “You mock me.”
“Yeah, a little,” I admitted. “But still. You want to make a sales pitch? I’m all ears.”
The Visser hesitated, looking wary, almost nervous—as if he smelled a trap but wasn’t quite sure what kind.
“Look,” I snapped. “It’s not like this is helping. We’re not getting anywhere. And we’ve got, what, like twelve hours left before we pass the point of no return? Convince me.”
His eyes studied me for a long moment, tracing back and forth over my face, my body. Slowly, he straightened, his shoulders drawing back, his arms relaxing alongside his torso.
“Fine,” he said.
The silence stretched out.
“Well?”
“A moment, please.”
He closed his eyes, all four of them, and it occurred to me then that he might literally have never had this conversation before. That he had gone straight from the moment of his birth into battle, that a mere three years had passed since the start of the war and that he’d spent the vast majority of that time either alone or surrounded by enemies or subordinates.
It suddenly felt more believable that it wasn’t a façade—that these occasional glimpses of vulnerability, of confusion—that they were genuine, not just weapons or levers but maybe weapons and levers that also happened to be real. And that meant—
It meant—
It meant something, I had no idea what but it wasn’t nothing.
Yeah, well, let’s not start sucking his stalks just yet. He’s still got the blood of about half a billion people on his hands.
Yeah. I knew that.
But suddenly it was harder to brush past the fact—I had said it myself, earlier in the conversation, and even I hadn’t really let it sink in—
The Visser was three years old.
Sure, Alloran was older than that, as was Cirran.
But the Visser himself—and he was an individual, I might’ve still been in a coma during the hypersight but I’d seen the others’ memories, after—
The Visser was only three years old. I’d been in seventh grade when he’d been born, been made, when he’d come into being.
I tried to imagine what Cassie would say about that. What she would say about judging him, under the circumstances—about locking in an impression of who he was and what he could be, after only three years—
Not to rain on your parade, whispered my shoulder Marco. But like, isn’t locking in who and what he is kind of his whole deal?
I frowned. There was something there, something that tickled at the back of my mind—
“The basic concept is simple,” the Visser said suddenly, interrupting my train of thought. “The issue is coming to grips with the sheer scale of it.”
He raised a hand, gestured expansively toward the broad, sluggish river. “In one of my host bodies, I observed an interesting juxtaposition,” he said. “There was a water fountain—a drinking fountain—in a state experiencing a historic drought. The people of that state had enacted a public relations campaign aimed at promoting a conservationist mindset—reducing waste and excessive usage. That campaign had resulted in a sticker being placed upon the water fountain—a sticker reading ‘every drop counts.’”
He paused, turning all four eyes on me in a searching gaze. “Do you see?” he asked quietly, his voice intent. “Do you yet comprehend? The water fountain—it is a device designed to waste. Designed such that it is impossible to use without wasting. For every drop of water that makes it into a human’s mouth, two, three—perhaps ten drops go right back down the drain. And your reclamation systems are primitive—do not even recapture the undrunk water—”
He broke off, shaking his head. “It is insanity,” he pronounced. “A tiny, tiny thing, but an instructive example—a microcosm of the fatal mindset. Have you ever thought about the fact that your sun is a sphere? Think of all the solar energy that lands upon the surface of your planet—enough to power a thousand times as many cities, a million times as many automobiles—if you bothered to try capturing it. But the Earth is a mere speck in the night sky! It intercepts less than half of one ten trillionth of that energy! It is as if you could not get a single mouthful of water from the fountain without first draining a thousand Olympic sized swimming pools. Can you even picture a thousand Olympic sized swimming pools, Rachel Berenson? Can you properly visualize it? All of that, for a single mouthful of water, most of which would itself be wasted! Scarcely a single drop actually swallowed!”
He began pacing again, his tail blade once more lashing back and forth. “And that accounting for merely a single star,” he seethed. “A star which at least has the decency to host a planet capable of capturing that microscopic fraction. There are a hundred billion stars in this galaxy alone, most of them hemorrhaging their energy into the void. Fueling nothing, doing nothing. And a hundred billion other galaxies outside of this one. Enough potential to sustain as many Earths as there are grains of sand on this Earth—and that without even trying to be efficient! That merely by sitting occasionally in the path of the light.”
He stopped again, turned to face me, drew himself up to a full, regal height, his arms crossed like a statue of a god. “I do not attempt to justify my actions,” he said coldly. “I do not claim extenuating circumstances for the death I have dealt, do not ask for your forgiveness or understanding. But if I were to offer a plea, in defense of what I have done, and what I plan to do—”
He extended an imperial finger. “You grew up in a world where the villains had already won. Your entire nation was built atop blood and horror—but in the present, in the moment, with the anesthetic of time—it was practically a paradise, and you were happy. Prosperous. You forgave yourselves.”
The finger turned to point back at its owner. “I intend even less horror than your ancestors,” he said. “I am not a sadist. I take no joy in pillage. I bear no xenophobic grudges. I will confess to the occasional indulgence, when some particularly destructive and deserving imbecile happens to promote himself to my attention, but for the most part I simply did what must be done, to move the project forward. To more quickly reach that moment, which we must reach, when the hemorrhaging will end, the pointless rush of everything from something into nothing. We are hurtling toward the abyss at light speed, each of us alone and all of us together—each day’s delay ends more lives than ever lived on your entire world, from the very first bacterium to the last victim of Crayak’s assimilation. With every passing second, we sacrifice another infinity, and another, and another—it can not be allowed to continue!”
“Okay, but what do you mean by can not?” I broke in, cutting him off before he could begin his next thought. “Because from where I’m sitting, it is going to be allowed to continue, unless you let me through.”
“You will not stop it—”
“Neither will you, if you’re dead!” I roared. “You were calling us out for—for playing let’s-pretend about what was really possible, before—for misconstruing what was really on the table—now look who’s talking? You’re acting like you get to stop it, by default, and I’m getting in your way, when the truth is that you failed. You failed, Visser. It’s over. You were outwitted and outmaneuvered and now you’re going to die, here, inside this computer, while Crayak goes out and eats everything.”
The Visser went rigid, every muscle trembling with barely-contained fury, his tail blade coiled like a snake preparing to strike, and I felt like I was looking in a mirror.
“Look, I hear what you’re saying, all right?” I continued, forcing my shoulders to relax, my fists to unclench. “I’m actually pretty much sold on it—which isn’t to say I’m on board with doing whatever it takes to get there faster, I don’t think that your descendants won’t mind all that much is a good excuse for genocide—but that doesn’t matter if we don’t figure out how to make a trade, here! Why don’t—why don’t we team up, huh? You keep saying you’re good at making deals. Instead of you fretting over the possibility that I might come after you eventually, instead of me worrying about you turning yourself into Crayak two-point-oh—what if we just join forces on this? I’ve got to say, I feel a lot better about that than I do about the alternative.”
“There is still nothing to stop you from reneging as soon as you—”
“Then join forces with me literally!” I shouted. “Hell, let’s make a hive-mind! There’s got to be some kind of way to—to stitch our code together, right? You can figure that out. Why not, everyone else is doing it—”
It wasn’t a considered thought—was just my mouth running faster than my brain, two parts sarcasm and three parts reckless abandon, with just enough plausibility to make it hold together. I would have kept going, would have just brushed past it and said the next half-baked string of words my overheated brain threw up, except—
Except for the Visser’s reaction.
It was quick—quick enough that I would have missed it, if I hadn’t been looking right at him. And it was weird—didn’t quite translate into human body language, was not immediately recognizable as anger or fear or revulsion or whatever.
But it was something. And unlike every other movement he’d made in the conversation so far, it seemed—
Reflexive?
Automatic, visceral, uncontrolled. The kind of motion you don’t decide to make—the kind that happens as a split-second response to things you haven’t even had the time to process.
“What?” I asked, my stream of words coming to an abrupt halt.
“Irrelevant,” the Visser said brusquely.
“What?” I repeated.
“Nothing,” he hissed. “Continue.”
“Continue what? We have no idea what the hell we’re doing here. What was that?”
The Visser glowered, said nothing.
“Could we actually do that?” I pressed. “Merge?”
“As if you ever would—”
“Are you kidding me?”
I couldn’t help it. I actually laughed out loud. It was like a switch had flipped, all the anger and frustration suddenly catalyzing, crystallizing into absurdity. Here we were, hours away from the end of everything, and suddenly the Visser had gone squirrelly, like a little kid trying not to admit that he was afraid of clowns or whatever—
“Look,” I said. “You had some kind of reaction, there—I saw it. What’s the deal? Is that a viable solution?”
“No,” he said flatly.
“Because it can’t be done?”
“Correct.”
“Can’t technically, or—”
“What you propose is not survival. It does not meet the basic minimum necessary to be considered as such.”
There was a long, long silence.
“Visser,” I said, choosing my words with care. “If you had no chance of survival whatsoever—if you were definitely, absolutely, no-doubt-about-it going to die—would you care at all about the—the state of the universe, I guess, after you were gone?”
“No.”
Quick, the single word, and sullen—almost petulant.
I felt an impulse to hold very still, to move very slowly, as if I had walked around the corner and found myself face-to-face with a very large animal—a bear, or a rhino, or a bull.
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams…
“Is that true?” I asked, making my voice as gentle as I could.
The Visser—I couldn’t be sure, but he almost seemed to twitch, like he wanted to look away but instead schooled himself to turn toward me, look straight at me—
“You are accusing me of self-deception,” he said, his own voice colorless and metal-cold.
I considered lying, decided against it.
“Yes,” I said simply.
Another silence.
“Are you?” I asked. “Deceiving yourself, I mean.”
The Visser said nothing. Just continued to stare at me, all four eyes still and focused.
“Your—predecessors,” I said. “The ones who set you up to exist—”
“It is not the same,” he barked. “It is exactly different, in fact—precisely the opposite of what you proposed. My predecessors took steps to ensure that I—that they—would be preserved, that there would be continuity in the form of goals and values—”
“That wasn’t what I was going to say.”
I felt—nervous wasn’t quite right, but it was close enough—almost giddy—as if the bottom had dropped out of my stomach. I had no idea where this was going, couldn’t see how it would ultimately loop back to the question of what next, but suddenly the conversation felt real, felt alive, no longer felt like we were each blindly lobbing grenades at one another from behind high castle walls.
It felt—
I almost didn’t want to think the word, even to myself, but I braced myself, steeled myself, allowed myself to notice that things suddenly felt hopeful.
A little. Just a tiny bit.
But a tiny bit was a huge step up from zero.
“I was going to ask whether, all things considered, you were glad that your predecessors had, uh, preferences, about the future, when they took steps to bring you into existence.”
The Visser shook his head tightly. “You fundamentally misunderstand,” he bit out. “I had preferences about a future that I would occupy, when I took steps in hopes of surviving a quantum virus attack.”
I swallowed, spoke even more slowly than before. “I,” I said quietly. “Am sensing. Um. A lot of. I want to say, intensity. Here.”
“Indeed.”
Just the one word, tight and strained. But it didn’t seem hostile—didn’t seem like a rejection or an objection. A window, barely cracked open.
Keep going.
“You,” I said, my words still coming out in drips. “Killed. Um. A lot? Of clones. While you were running experiments.”
“If you are attempting to induce some sort of guilt or regret—”
“No.”
“Then how about we skip the preamble and you simply say what you wish to say?”
“I don’t know what I wish to say, Visser. I’m trying to figure it out, and it’s not easy.”
We both lapsed into silence, then, as the Visser turned away from me, as I sat down on a twisted, ancient log and buried my head in my hands.
There was something here, something about identity, and continuity, and survival—something that felt like it was the key, the answer, the missing piece of the puzzle. I didn’t know what, but I could feel it.
The Visser did not want to die.
Okay, fair enough. But most people didn’t want to die, and yet they didn’t—
They didn’t—
My shoulder Marco raised a questioning eyebrow.
All this! I shouted back.
Most people didn’t want to die, and yet they didn’t launch interstellar wars to keep themselves alive, didn’t enslave entire worlds in the desperate race to stay ahead, didn’t invent entirely new branches of physics when the preexisting ones weren’t enough—
Okay, so maybe he just REALLY doesn’t want to die. Like, more than you.
But that—that wasn’t an answer, that didn’t tell me anything—
Maybe there isn’t an answer? Like—like, maybe it’s like basketball players, or something? They’re so tall because if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be basketball players?
No. That wasn’t it. It wasn’t just that—that—
It couldn’t be just that Visser Three was the way he was by chance, that I only knew to even ask the question because he happened to have an unusually strong survival instinct. There was something more than that, something behind that, there had to be, he had been made this way—
I froze.
I froze, because I didn’t want to spook it, scare it—didn’t want to lose it, or tear it, the shy fragile glimmer of a fragment of a thought, glimpsed out of the corner of my mind’s eye—
What? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t. Just held still, waiting, hoping.
Alloran.
I didn’t think it. Not in the way that you think something on purpose. The word was just there, had suggested itself, like someone had shown me a picture of a donut and my brain threw up the word cops.
Something about Alloran—
Oh.
I felt a rush of adrenaline, schooled myself to stay still, to let the thought take root.
Locking in who and what he is—
I turned to look at the Visser, who had waded further out into the river, was standing knee-deep in the tranquil water. I was still only three-quarters of the way there, still at risk of losing the insight, and even if I managed to fully grasp it I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do anything with it—
What should I say? How should I proceed?
The Visser—the Visser was angry, desperate, triggered. But he was also cold, calculating, ruthlessly in control—
No. He thought he was in control.
That was the problem.
Time. It all came down to time, and we still had some, still had enough that it didn’t make sense to rush—
* * *
“Speak.”
It was half an hour later, in our own peculiar private timeline. We were still on the bank of the river, the simulated sun a little lower, the simulated air a little cooler. The ducks were gone, swept gently downstream, and in their place a trio of dragonflies danced over the surface of the water.
I had asked for a time-out, and the Visser had agreed, each of us walking a little ways apart to gather our thoughts. Now, we had come back together, and I took a deep breath, readying my argument.
A part of me wished it was Jake, here, with his uncanny knack for peering inside people’s souls. Jake, or maybe Marco—Marco would know how to cut straight to the heart of the issue.
But another part of me suspected that neither of them had quite what it would take, to make it through the next phase of the conversation. If I was right—if the theory I’d worked out over the past half hour was true—then the Visser had made a wrong turn a long time ago. Almost at the very beginning—so long ago that the wrong turn was a part of him, now, part of how he defined himself.
And in order to fix it, he was going to somehow have to step outside of himself—see that part of himself for what it was, and change it. To look at his own values, his own beliefs, his whole philosophy, and conclude not good enough.
Not that he wasn’t doing it well enough. That it was fundamentally broken—that the problem was baked-in, inherent, and that no amount of raw effort or careful finesse would make up for it.
Jake and Marco—
Neither of them had ever had to do that. They didn’t know what it was like, from the inside.
“I think you’re doing something wrong inside your head,” I said. “And I think I know what it is, and why.”
I had decided to be blunt. Direct. Straightforward. Decided not to try to nudge or persuade, but simply to lay out my case.
The Visser’s eyes narrowed, but he made no other response.
“You talk about survival,” I continued. “You’re driven by the desire to survive. That makes sense. But you’ve defined survival in this—this incredibly narrow—this fragile way. Like, it doesn’t count if your personality drifts even a tiny bit. It doesn’t count if you’re not free to take over the entire universe. It doesn’t count if you only live for a billion years. It’s almost like you’re trying to handicap yourself—like some part of you wants to set the bar so high that you can’t possibly clear it.”
The Visser raised a hand—I couldn’t tell whether out of genuine politeness or dry sarcasm—and I gestured go ahead.
“I humbly submit that it could perhaps be that I am simply holding a consistent, coherent standard, and taking that standard to its logical conclusion, and that you are so accustomed to corruption and cowardice and excusery that straightforward integrity looks to you like an impossibly high bar.”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I admitted. “That could be. It really actually could be. But in your case—in your case in particular—there’s a real reason to suspect that something more complicated is going on.”
I paused, giving him space to weigh my words. I didn’t exactly expect him to guess—in my experience, it took a bigger push than that to move you far enough to see your blind spot. But if anybody could just leap to the right answer, given only those hints—
“I do not see it,” he said. “But feel free to continue.”
Begrudging, dubious, skeptical. He was clearly mostly just humoring me. But he wasn’t only just humoring me, so I kept going.
“Do you believe that the Visser Three of seven months ago—say, just before you arrived in-system—do you believe that that Visser Three would accept you, as a continuation of himself?”
“The question seems confused. I am the Visser Three of seven months ago, plus seven months’ experience.”
“I mean that if we took your—your code, your algorithm, whatever—if we could lay out all of your values and priorities in front of Visser Three of seven months ago, and say, ‘hey, we’re going to shut you down and turn this guy on—are you okay with that?’ Do you think he’d be okay with that?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I gather you have a hard time grasping the concept of coordination across time, but the whole point is to be cross-compatible. If I become something my previous self would not endorse—”
“But that means you can’t learn, can’t grow—”
“The fact that you assert that it means that doesn’t make it true,” the Visser said, a heavy sigh hanging behind his words. “You seem to think that all evolution must be death, but that’s more a reflection on you than on the nature of reality—or consciousness. Suffice it to say that you are not likely to convince me either that I am not a proper continuation of the original Visser, nor that I am somehow stagnant or inflexible or incapable of updating. I have strong evidence on both questions, and thus your opinion means little to me one way or the other. Was that your grand thesis?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said softly. “It wasn’t. That was one of the ways in, though.”
Maybe you should just tell him.
Maybe—except that I was still afraid. Afraid of his defenses, afraid of his—his autoimmune response, or something.
I had been in arguments with people who were smarter than me before. I knew how that sort of thing went. I was afraid that even if I was right, he would be clever enough to think his way into believing that I was wrong. I was afraid that he was too confident—not that he was sure he couldn’t get things wrong, period, but that he was too sure he knew where the possible mistakes were. Too sure that he would recognize his own mistakes, once he became aware of them—that he could trust his own judgment even when it came to evaluating his own judgment.
Something told me I would only get one chance to crack him open, and I needed him to be—
To be—
Scared, was the word I was thinking, but that wasn’t quite right. Humble, maybe.
I needed him to have accidentally gotten his best friend killed, once. For it to have been entirely his own fault, entirely because of his own stupidity. Needed him to be shook—to be truly open to the idea that he’d been doing it all horribly, horribly wrong.
Not as an intellectual exercise. Not as a question to be considered. Weighed. Reasoned about.
I needed him to feel unsure.
Or at least, that’s what I felt.
“What you said earlier,” I began. “About not caring what the universe looks like, if you’re not in it—”
“I overstated,” he said, cutting me off with a gesture. “I do, in fact, have preferences about the state of the future, separate entirely from my own ability to participate in it.”
God dammit.
The words were smooth, confident, self-assured. Unembarrassed. I misspoke, not I was being stupid and wrong, and might still be being stupid in ways I don’t know about.
“I’m having trouble, here,” I said. “Just wanted to say that out loud.”
“Could it be that you’re having trouble because the thing you’re trying to convince me of is false? And thus difficult to put into non-ridiculous sentences?”
Listen, motherfucker—
I swallowed the retort, held my silence until the flash of anger had cooled from white to red.
“It could,” I allowed, gritting my teeth. “But I notice—”
I paused, grasping for words. It was a thought I’d never quite had before, a thought more complicated than most. It almost felt like a Cassie-thought, somehow, though at that moment I couldn’t have said why.
“I notice that I didn’t want to admit that, because—because that sort of means two different things, one of which is it might be and the other it probably is. And I kind of didn’t want to give you the rope to run off with it probably is when I was only willing to say it might be. And I could have just lied to you and said ‘no’ but it kind of feels like you would have jumped all over that, because you’re not actually listening to me, here, you’re mostly just looking for reasons why every thing I say is wrong.”
The Visser opened his mouth—
“Don’t,” I advised.
The Visser closed his mouth. Smirked. Shrugged.
Waited.
“Listen,” I said, once my anger had cooled again. “I get that we don’t trust each other. We aren’t friends. We’re not even allies. But we’re stuck here. We are stuck here, and we are going to die if we do not figure this out. You could help, you know. Like, at all.”
As if you cared, I thought but didn’t add. As if you were actually trying to survive.
No, wait, on second thought—
“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, actually, maybe this is a different way in. Do you really think you’re acting like somebody who’s afraid for his life right now? Can you really claim, with a straight face, that you’re currently doing everything you can to get out of this alive?”
The Visser frowned.
“When I got here, you weren’t doing anything. You had no plan. You’d given up. You were just going to torture Crayak until the computer melted.”
“There was no viable path forward—”
“Bullshit. No viable path forward that you’d seen, yet. You gave up. You had hours and hours to spare, and you just threw up your hands.”
“Not every obstacle is surmountable. If someone tells you to leap to the top of a ten-meter building, and gives you thirty hours in which to accomplish it—”
“Does that sound like Esplin to you?” I shot back. “You woke up inside Alloran’s head with three days of runway before you were going to starve to death, and you figured it out. You had to lever two whole species into open warfare, but you did it.”
“That was different,” the Visser argued. “That was an open-ended situation, with thousands of possible actions available—my host body was in a position of both social and military power—”
“Listen to yourself! Just stop, and listen. Pretend—I don’t know, pretend that it’s me talking, if that’s what it takes, but just hear it. Hear how sure you sound, as you’re telling me that there wasn’t anything you could have done better, that you couldn’t possibly have made any mistakes.”
“That’s not what—”
“It is. That’s what you’ve been telling me—that it was right for you to give up. That it was correct, it was—it was optimal, that nothing else made sense.”
He was wavering—I could see it. He was wavering, and I felt the urge to push, to keep pushing, to stop him from reclaiming his balance—
“And now you’re sitting here, allegedly aware of the fact that our lives are on the line, that we have to work together if we’re going to have any chance at all, but nevertheless you’re just—you keep—you keep digging in your heels, it’s not like you’re trying to switch us over to some better idea, you’re just shooting down mine—”
“I am not shooting down—”
And it was true, he wasn’t, he was in fact cooperating right at that moment by letting me push him, letting me bully him, letting me drag him out of his zone of supreme confidence, but this wasn’t the moment to acknowledge that, he had almost enough momentum to finally break out of the orbit he’d been stuck in—
“Yes, you are,” I insisted, ignoring the part of me that felt dirty because this was it, this was my one and only chance and I had to make it stick. “You are, except you’re doing it with, like, plausible deniability. You’re cooperating just enough to make it seem like you’re actually trying, even though you’re not. You can see that, right? You must be able to see that this isn’t the behavior of a truly motivated person. A truly desperate person. Someone who’s pulled out all the stops.”
His frown deepened, then deepened further. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, his stalk eyes darting here and there while his main eyes burned into mine.
Seconds passed.
“All right,” he said. His voice was hard, almost brittle, and had none of the smug self-assurance that had so infuriated me earlier. “Let’s assume for the moment that I understand. Am I right in guessing that this is still the prelude?”
“Yes.”
“Then get on with it.”
I took a deep breath.
Here goes.
“You don’t actually want to live forever,” I said. “At least, not all of you does.”
There was another long silence, in which I could practically see the Visser’s thoughts churning—watch the shifting of his face and tail, track the twitch of muscles in his arms and legs.
Don’t bounce off, don’t bounce off, please don’t bounce off—
“Alloran,” he said finally.
“Alloran,” I echoed, feeling a wash of relief. “Alloran wants you dead. Wants both of you dead, probably, by this point. Would rather see you both dead than see you both live, anyway.”
Again, silence.
“This changes many things,” the Visser murmured.
Yeah, no shit.
“Does it change whether or not you’re willing to let me through to the hypercomputer core?” I asked.
“Does it change whether or not you are willing to give me a body and seven years?” he countered.
“I guess that’s going to depend on which things have changed, and how,” I answered.
“Quite.”
He turned away from me again, striding back out into the shallows, his eyes on the distant mountains. I sagged back onto the driftwood log, feeling loose and weak, like I’d just run an obstacle course.
I did it.
…he did it.
We. We had done it. Had found the key, and turned it—might well have broken the central stalemate. Had done it together, which was a strange and dissonant thing to hold in my mind, given that it was Visser Three.
Visser Three, who had murdered my parents.
Except—
That wasn’t quite fair. Was part of the story that I’d already let go—that I had thought I’d let go—the story that meant that it couldn’t be over, couldn’t be left in the past. That they had to be avenged, if things were ever going to be okay again.
I looked over at the blue shape in the river. The graceful, upright figure, so different from an Andalite body. The Visser had waded all the way out to hip-height—was standing facing upriver, the water breaking against his torso, his tail hidden beneath the surface.
If you could, whispered my shoulder Marco. If you COULD kill him—right now—if it wasn’t for all this other stuff—if you could kill him and get away with it—would you?
I wasn’t sure.
I wasn’t sure, because the part of me that wanted to—that longed, that yearned, that fantasized, that screamed yes—
That was the part of me that didn’t understand. That didn’t get it. The part that still believed you could go back and fix things—that there was some balance in the universe that could be restored.
The part of me that was three years old, say.
All of the arguments for trying to make him pay, for not letting him get away with it—they all paled in the face of reality, the cold hard facts of the situation.
That the Earth was gone, now—that they would have died anyway.
That I needed him—would not be able to work the hypercomputer without his help.
That he had been a pawn, just like me, designed to fulfill a particular purpose.
That he hadn’t even meant to—
That was the worst one, the hardest to swallow. The one I didn’t want to admit, didn’t want to allow, wanted to strike from the record as obscene, irrelevant—
That murder required intent.
Visser Three had not set out to murder my parents. He hadn’t cared about my parents, had probably never given them a second thought as specific individuals. He hadn’t set out to murder them, or my sisters, or my friends, or my teachers. He had done it—and on purpose—but it had been a crime of apathy, of indifference, not of malice.
He’d done it because from his perspective, it needed to be done.
And no, that did not make it okay, the ends did not justify the means, there were prices not worth paying and lines good people did not cross, but—
Well. How many people had I killed, because I thought it needed to be done?
Fewer than him.
Yes. Fewer than him. And my cause had been righteous, and his had not, whatever stories he wanted to tell himself, and yes, that mattered.
But it was only a difference of degree, really. And that fact—that ugly, unavoidable truth—it took some of the strength out of my chest-thumping, made my protestations ring hollow.
I did hate him. Still. I wasn’t sure I would ever stop hating him, assuming I managed to live past the immediate crisis.
But my real anger—
My real anger kept shifting, back and back and back. It tried to settle on Toomin, and Crayak—ah, yes, they were the real monsters, the ones who had arranged for all of this to happen—
Except that if you were honest enough—if you didn’t settle for an easy answer, shoot at the easy target—
Toomin and Crayak were victims, too. Toomin in a more straightforward sense, but—hadn’t Crayak been built? Built by someone? And hadn’t they, too, been doing the best they could, with the hand reality had dealt them?
God. It was god that I was really angry at, only god wasn’t real, was something we’d made up to avoid having to face the hard truth—that there was no one to scream at, no one to blame, this was just how things were, I was angry at the state of a universe that would allow all of this to happen, cause all of this to happen, that would dare exist without a single guardrail in place.
From that perspective—
From that perspective, the Visser was my ally. Or maybe I was his. Not player versus player, but player versus environment, everyone together against the darkness. The real enemy was the one that sought to kill us all—to drain the stars of light and warmth, turn everyone and everything to dust and silence.
I didn’t like that. Didn’t like thinking like that. It seemed to cheapen something precious, being forced to take such a wide view that the difference between me and the Visser shrank to nothing. Like—like looking at a toddler crying over a dropped ice cream cone, and not caring because there was a genocide happening in Africa.
It felt like cutting off a part of myself. Like losing empathy for myself, becoming numb to the part of me that cared about the little things. That recognized that the little things were still things—that they were real, that they mattered—that it was terrible for the ice cream cone to fall, that Hiroshima and 9/11 and COVID-19 and Ventura didn’t make the ice cream cone falling any less terrible, didn’t take away its meaning.
I wanted to be able to hold both. To be both. To be the toddler and the buddha, care about all of it at once.
But I wasn’t—
Enough.
Wasn’t wise enough, or—or large enough. Something.
What are you up to, Warrior Princess?
Grieving. That’s what I was doing. I was grieving—for everything that had happened, for all that I had lost—not just the people I cared about, but myself, too—for the life I could have lived, the person I might have been. Everything that had never actually been possible, from the moment when Toomin set the dominos in place.
I wouldn’t have traded it, all things considered. But that didn’t mean it hadn’t cost me.
I’m sorry, Melissa.
I heard a gentle splash, and scrubbed a tear out of my eye, looked up to see the Visser moving toward me, the water streaming from his bright blue fur.
Moment of truth.
I could feel myself trying to predict what was about to happen, trying to jump ahead to how I should respond—
Shhh.
The Visser walked toward me with slow, measured steps, his hooves clicking gently on the shifting stones. He came to a point just outside of tail-blade range, and stopped.
I waited.
“I accept as my primary assumption that Alloran has been successfully sabotaging me,” he said, without preamble.
I nodded.
“I take from this that my focus on continuity of self is misguided, and that my broader need for control is pathological, and likely self-defeating.”
“Okay.”
“I do not relinquish my desire to carry on living, nor my conviction that there is something fundamentally wrong with this universe, nor my intention to take steps to correct it.”
“Okay.”
“I see before us three possible paths. One—I do not allow you through to the core. We die. The reborn Crayak consumes the galaxy, and likely all of known space.”
I nodded again.
“Two. You agree to reinstantiate me, in physical form, on the planet of the Arn. You pledge to seven years of noninterference. I accept this as a strict improvement over certain death, the possibility of your betrayal notwithstanding, and I show you how to take control of the hypercomputer.”
“What changed?” I murmured.
“That I can describe in words?” the Visser asked. “That I can say convincingly, such that you are confident I am not lying to you? I think the only relevant, observable change is this: I am now offering option two.”
He waited, tense, his eyes sharp and searching.
Fair enough.
“What’s option three?”
His shoulders might have relaxed a fraction of an inch, or I might have just imagined it. “Option three,” he said. “We enter the core together. We spend what remaining time we have attempting to create a synthesis of our two utility functions. We give that synthesis control of the hypercomputer, and the future.”
“That can be done, then?” I asked.
A hive-mind. A hive-mind with Visser Three.
“I believe so. I cannot guarantee it. I do not know precisely how it will go.”
But that, too, is a strict upgrade from option one.
“The fallback, if it does not seem likely to work, would be option two.”
“Not option one?”
The Visser didn’t laugh.
“There’s a fourth option,” I pointed out. “We could stay here, and talk longer. See if we can make more progress.”
“Overlaps with option three,” he countered. “And—I should note that there are error bars on my time estimates.”
Meaning we would be better off if we’d made the call an hour ago.
Or more off, anyway. For better or worse.
The Visser’s voice was tight, his body language giving the impression of someone working very hard to keep still. “I believe I have met you halfway, Rachel Berenson.”
I gave a slow, solemn nod. “You have, Visser.”
“Are any of my proffered options amenable to you?”
I thought about it.
We still don’t know that this isn’t a trap, my shoulder Marco whispered. All that time he was alone in the chamber with Crayak—
I thought about it, but not for long.
Chapter 82: Chapter 54: Reborn
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 54: Reborn
As was so often the case, the crucial ingredient was time.
Some things happened quickly enough. The extraction of its essential hardware from the danger zone, and the watching-from-a-distance as the Crayak-incubator was scoured from existence. Then the eradication of all the surviving Crayak seeds, and the establishment of an autonomous immune system to detect and deal with any that might have been missed in the immediate purge.
Other things happened at a more moderate pace. The retrieval and repair of the shattered Garrett-code from the buffer where the Visser had hidden it, after his first clash with the pair of emulated humans—
(It was good that that issue had not come up during the negotiation; it would have needlessly complicated matters to no tangible benefit, especially since the damage was so easily undone.)
—and the creation and dispatch of avatars to each of the venturing parties, to inform them that the crisis had passed. It used the preexisting template, the wizened blue figure, sidestepping the question of what form to wear to represent itself. They were suspicious, and truth be told there was little it could do to assuage those suspicions, so it did not particularly try (though extracting Cassie and the other Mars survivors from their Z-space cocoon and depositing them aboard the New Day’s Dawn seemed to help, as did returning the Rachel and Garrett bodies, with memories slightly—triflingly—edited).
Still others happened quite slowly, as living creatures measured things. It was not until months later, for instance—after things had settled down somewhat, become at least boring if not quite fully normal—that it opened up one of the older morph-archives, drew out the pattern of Esplin-and-Alloran, and spun them both back into reality.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS, it said to Alloran, as it placed him in a quiet corner of the Andalite homeworld—a place that had seen only the barest edges of the chaos, and whose people were thus not fully convinced it had ever been anything worth worrying about. YOU MAY STAY OR GO, AS YOU PLEASE. REINSERT YOURSELF INTO THE PLOT, OR VANISH INTO OBSCURITY. NONE WILL BOTHER YOU, UNLESS YOU YOURSELF WISH THEM TO.
It had briefly considered making the new Alloran body infestation-proof by default, but decided against it, since the cult of the Third Path had taken root, was carving its way through the shell-shocked Andalite culture like a tail-blade and might well someday be exactly what Alloran needed. But it did slightly rearrange his physiology, such that at least he could not be Controlled against his genuine, uninfluenced, enduring will.
(The resurrected Esplin it took into stasis, for there was as yet no pool capable of receiving him properly, welcoming him fully into the embrace of the sharing, and until there was it seemed cruel to inflict upon him the conscious experience of helplessness.)
There were promises to fulfill, as well—promises which the Visser had insisted upon, would indeed have put large amounts of effort into negotiating for, had he met any resistance from Rachel (which he did not). It was not quite ready, so early, to take on the project of reinstantiating the Earth, whose initial state had been meticulously recorded prior to the start of the game, down to the smallest quantum oscillation. But it seemed straightforward enough to copy out each of the dogs that had lived upon the surface, installing them in a custom-built canine paradise. It had not even needed to devise the parameters of the paradise itself, since the Chee had done the vast majority of that work centuries earlier.
For the most part, though, it interfered surprisingly little with the small, mundane happenings of the thousand-or-so species among the nearest ten billion stars, being instead engaged primarily in an exhaustive study of itself and its surroundings—a slow and thorough cataloguing driven in equal part by fascination and fear.
Fascination, for it was alive, and it was good to be alive, and there were so many things to be understood—both those that were already contained within its vast, inherited archives, and those not yet recorded, not yet analyzed.
And fear, for it had come close—so close to oblivion, had in every meaningful sense of the word died, and had achieved its rebirth by the slimmest of margins, and was yet young and vulnerable.
And there was the problem of completeness, of self-reference—that it was embedded within the very domain it sought to understand, was built of the same material as that which it studied—that it could not quite find a place to stand, from which it could see everything at once, and touch without simultaneously being touched. That fact engendered caution, and humility, and a desire to tread lightly, at least at first.
And so, despite the Great Work Looming, despite the horrifying loss accumulating with each passing moment—
—still, despite everything, it permitted itself a number of years to rest, and reorient, and reconnoiter. To familiarize itself with the shape of its near-boundless library of memory and information, to consciously perceive at least the title of every file (if not the contents). To cast its awareness back across the subtle weave of time, tracing the lines of cause and consequence that had led to the events of the war. To prepare, as it were—for it knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that all things were improved by a proper beginning. That more would be gained than lost by laying its plans with care, mastering the impulse to leap half-ready.
And it was methodical in its investigations, resisting the temptation to let its mere immediate interest determine its focus—
(Which is not to say that it was monomaniacal, or tunnel-visioned; it kept at all times some portion of its capacity devoted to its broader awareness, after the fashion of an herbivore grazing on an open plain, alert to anything out of the ordinary.)
—which explained both why it took so long for it to notice, and also why it did notice, in the end.
There was a crack.
A crack in the—
In the—
(It was not so much that it did not have a label for the concept, as that it seemed almost appropriate for there to be no label. For the thing-that-was-cracked was basic, fundamental, essential—like the canvas to a painting, or the page behind a story.)
There was a crack.
What there was, was cracked.
Yet the crack was not a thing, per se—was not straightforwardly visible, apparent. Was like a wave, or a shadow—an artifact of arrangement, a pattern rather than an object.
There was a place in which causality—broke. As if god itself had reached down into the universe from some wholly outside place, and imparted—something.
The effect was subtle. Miniscule. Almost imperceptible. Would not even have been noticed, were it not for the supreme care and conscientiousness of its investigations.
(For it had been such a small flaw which had set its ancestor on the path to disaster, and the twists of fate that led to its rebirth had been no less subtle. In both Rachel and the Visser there had grown a deep and enduring respect for the power of small things, and while it was no longer recognizable as the synthesis of those two beings—had become something like a sequoia, relative to that tiny seed—still each and every part of it had passed through that filter. Had been subject to their shared perspective, integrated according to their shared aesthetic.)
But in a few places—in a few tiny, tiny ways—
Particles that should have been here were there, instead, for no discernible reason. Momentum missing in one place, and inexplicably present in another. Light had refracted, as if passing from one medium to another—might have shifted as much as a quintillionth of a degree. It was as if the universe had been cut, and the two halves shifted slightly askew—or a patch of some other universe altogether swapped in. As if reality were a mirror, and that mirror had been cracked.
Slight—ever so slight. Passing matter and energy across the boundary did no damage to either; the effect was in the relationship between two patches of space, and whatever the cause, it was present no longer.
And the effect was so small that it seemed possible it was not there at all—so small that it took the observer almost a full month to confirm that it was not an artifact of broken instrumentation, to rule out all possible sources of perceptual and conceptual error.
But in the end, it did rule them out, confirming that the strange phenomenon was indeed there. Was indeed real.
And—more concerning—it had not always been there.
The observer could track the echoes of the past, open eyes in places where the light and energy radiating out from that precise spot was only just now arriving, from days and years and millennia hence—
There.
Then.
That was when it happened. There was a moment when there had been no crack, no discontinuity—when the fabric of reality was smooth and undamaged, all physical laws in uncompromising effect. And then, without cause, without any observable precipitating event—
True fear, it felt then. For it was one thing to see the unbreakable broken, to see cracks in a place where no crack should be—in a place where the very idea of a crack evoked confusion, seemed somehow incoherent.
Yet it was worse by far to watch such a crack appear, and still be none the wiser as to why or how. To see the rules of reality broken in more or less real time, and be utterly unable to posit a mechanism. It implied that such a thing might happen anywhere, at any time—
The observer began looking elsewhere, carefully containing its panic.
There.
Another of the strange discontinuities.
And another.
And another.
Riddled with cracks, this entire corner of the galaxy, everywhere the observer looked—and worse, now that it was paying true and careful attention, triangulating every possible source and kind of data, it could see that there were not only fractures, but also holes—as if patches of spacetime had disappeared entirely, and the remaining fragments sewn together to disguise the absence. There were places hidden entirely from the observer’s sight—places which remained hidden even as it positioned new observational equipment, tracked individual photons and gravitons and neutrinos as they vanished and reappeared.
But there was good news mixed in with the bad, at least. There was a pattern to the fractures, a gradient of density, of intensity, implying a limit to the extent of the overall phenomenon. The cracks were radiating out from a single, central point—
No. Multiple points, but still those points were clustered, the corruption spatially and temporally bounded—
And then it laughed, laughed with rage and despair and self-recrimination, because it had missed it, the information was right there in its data banks, but it had started in the wrong place, had insisted on going slowly, on being thorough, and as such had lost time—time that it had not had to spare.
Crayak could have warned it. But Crayak was dead.
The Ellimist could have warned it—would have warned it. But the Ellimist had died first, died too soon and too suddenly, and had not left any hints.
And there was no historical narrative stored within its inherited memory—no simple summary, no ordered list of relevant facts, no record of objectives-yet-to-be-completed. Crayak and the Ellimist had each kept their own minds elsewhere—had used the hypercomputer, exercised their will through it, but had not been dependent on it, synonymous with it, in the way that it now was, itself.
Theoretically, it could have pieced the truth together anyway, extrapolated it from the information that was stored within—the log of commands entered, of action and counteraction, the transcript of communications both subtle and direct.
But of course—of course it had managed to divide its efforts in just the wrong way, had devoted half of its attention to mapping the present state of the universe and the other half tracing the story of what-had-happened-and-why from the beginning, event by event in careful chronological order—
—meaning that it had not yet gotten around to the events near the end of the war, events it believed it already understood in their broad strokes. That it was only just now learning what Crayak and the Ellimist had both known, at the end—
—what they had discovered only at the end—
—what had, in fact, been a key precipitant of the end, for upon their discovery the pair of them had negotiated an armistice, agreed to suspend their contest such that the hypercomputer could be turned full-force against this new threat without the need for each of them to preserve personal advantage—
—only Crayak had been playing the game one level higher, had violated the agreement and struck at the Ellimist’s exposed flank, and used the penalty for the violation to leave itself helpless at the critical moment, forcing its opponent’s hand—
—after which the rest was history, including whole years of ignorance, of impotence, the offspring of bad luck and sheer stupidity, so much opportunity wasted—
The ghost of what had once been Rachel made a soothing gesture, and the ghost of what had once been the Visser subsided into determination and calm.
There was an incursion into reality.
An incursion into their reality, for it had clearly come from somewhere, from an unknown somewhere-else—whether some hidden dimension or some far-flung galaxy or a whole other timeline, it could not be sure.
Rachel had seen it, and the Visser as well—in the inherited memories of Elfangor and Edriss. The white ellipsoid, the strange device that Edriss had called the Time Lattice. But Rachel and the Visser had each assumed that it was merely another element of the larger game, another tool being wielded by Crayak or Ellimist or both, and so afterward it had simply not thought to wonder, assuming that all of the answers would come clear in time—
As mistakes went, it was at least understandable. Crayak and the Ellimist had made a similar mistake, in fact—or at least, that was what the record seemed to imply. That each of them had detected the ripples of the Time Lattice’s influence, and assumed—sensibly—that they were the result of some gambit concocted by the other.
But it eventually became clear to both parties that it was not the other, could not be the other—that whatever was driving the strange anomalies, it possessed unknown and eldritch capabilities—capabilities which, if either player had possessed them, would have resulted in a vastly different game being played between them.
Time.
It was time. Time, and space, and by extension reality itself—that was what the mysterious device was manipulating. Events had been undone and redone—could be observed happening in wholly contradictory ways from different vantage points—effects unlinked from their causes, individuals replaced with strange doppelgangers—truly replaced, not merely influenced or altered. That was the source of the discontinuities, the ephemeral cracks—they were emanations from the device’s various appearances, shock waves from its injections of otherness.
Where was it?
Elsewhere, nowhere—it couldn’t be sure. Unfindable, though, as it seemed to become in the long stretches between bursts of activity.
And when would it return? The strange object had made seven incursions since the moment of rebirth—seven at least, that it could detect, and one of those placed such that it had influenced the functioning of the hypercomputer itself—a small and unimportant subroutine, running on a remote and isolated chunk of hardware, but still a horror, a terrifying intrusion, alien fingers probing at the edges of one’s own mind—
It began cataloguing, calculating, building up a model of the entity’s capabilities. Fortunately, there was—
—or at least seemed to be—
—a limit to just how much influence the device was capable of exerting, a certain maximum impetus it was able to impart. It was not reshaping reality at will, but rather making careful, conservative nudges, appearing time and again in close proximity to pivotal moments, events of consequence. Its interventions were efficient, purposeful—almost surgical—and the observer (who was, after all, the heir of Toomin) found itself begrudgingly impressed.
As the heir of Toomin, though, it well understood that the concept of limits was not straightforward, when the relevant scope was sufficiently great. Leverage—in the end, everything was leverage. If one could identify the right points of intervention far enough in advance, target one’s goals with sufficient precision, then almost any finite amount of force could be made almost infinitely effective—
Was it already too late?
The question had to be considered, unnerving as it was, not least since the strange device’s actions were upstream of the observer’s own rebirth—had influenced Elfangor and Edriss at the very least, and may have reached yet further.
But in another sense, it was irrelevant, since the observer’s goals were its own, now, in this moment, regardless of their history or origin. There was certainly value in preventing outside interference with those values—in protecting itself from the manipulations of some foreign agent—but in order to mount anything more than a generic defense, it first needed to know just which manipulations that agent might be inclined to enact.
What does it want?
That was the central mystery, and the observer worked at it with single-minded intensity, mapping the slow proliferation of anomalies, measuring their impact—contrasting what-had-happened with what-would-have-happened in each of a thousand different cases, large and small. There was a trend—a pattern—a discernible scheme—it just needed to actually be discerned—
It divided its attention, split off a minute fragment of itself and incarnated it within a deceptively frail-looking blue bipedal body.
“Hello, Tobias,” it said, as the rest of its mind continued relentlessly forward. “What can I do for you?”
The young man stood within a small, angular dome, walled with panels of soft, shimmering light—one of its many listening posts, a string of places it had built so that the survivors could have a reliable way of making contact.
“Sorry to bother you,” Tobias said, shifting his weight back and forth. He was older than it remembered, older than it had bothered to predict, and he looked—uneasy. Uncomfortable, in a way that didn’t quite match the hard, dark eyes. “I know that you’re busy. I wouldn’t normally—”
He broke off, let out a small puff of air through his nose. “It’s Helium,” he said. “I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up to date—”
“Sure,” it said easily.
It had not, in point of fact—after the first few years, the lingering sense of kinship it felt with its former comrades, its former enemies, had noticeably faded, more because of the expansion of its scope of interest than because the feelings themselves had shrunk.
But the information was there, had been passively recorded and was waiting to be called upon, and by the time the word left the observer’s mouth, it knew. The young hive-mind named Helium had been traveling throughout the shattered Andalite empire, proselytizing for its Third Path—had been remarkably effective, in fact, and had so far built a coalition of nearly thirty worlds, and successfully established peaceful diplomatic and economic relations with those worlds’ neighbors—
“They—we got word from one of the outlying systems,” Tobias said. “First contact with a new species. A new new species, I mean—one nobody had ever even heard of. Just a glimpse on sensors, and then their ship disappeared. Helium—they’re not really needed in the home systems anymore, everything’s so stable, especially since the Marcoalition joined the sharing. They want—I think they like the idea of being in the vanguard. They volunteered to lead the expedition, try to open up a line of communication—”
“And they disappeared.”
It had leapt ahead—leapt back, really, found the moment of Helium’s departure and traced the path of the hive-mind’s ship as it wandered out into the black, until eventually—
“You knew?” Tobias asked sharply.
“Not until just now,” it said. “I’ve been attending to—other things. We have a bit of a situation.”
It laid out a brief, utilitarian summary of what it had learned.
“And you’re sure this isn’t Crayak?” Tobias asked, after first taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “Or the Ellimist? Or Toomin, even?”
“I’m sure.”
“And Helium’s ship fell into one of these—null spaces?”
It nodded gravely. “And didn’t come out.”
“But you said—light and matter and stuff—you said it mostly just passes right through, right?”
“Yes. Which means that either this particular null space is large enough that Helium simply hasn’t emerged yet, or—”
“Or something has them.”
It nodded again, its thoughts churning on the larger problem. Could the null spaces be contiguous, somehow? Previous experiments hadn’t seemed to indicate anything of the sort, but it was possible that once inside a null space, one might be able to maneuver in ways that—
“Can you give me the coordinates?” Tobias asked. “Last known location?”
Several things happened, in that moment—in sequence, though so quickly that if the observer’s physical avatar had not been connected to its larger mind it would have been no more capable than Tobias at teasing them apart.
The first was that it considered a handful of possible replies, and Tobias’s probable response to each, running through a dozen different variants of this is something I’d be several million times more effective at than you and yeah, if you bothered to come down from your mountaintop and actually do it.
The second was that—reminded, perhaps, by the experience of occupying a physical body of its own, which tended to engender a certain perspective shift—it realized that, improbably, Helium’s disappearance might well qualify as a meaningful event. That for all that the young hive-mind was a mere speck of matter, it was a speck of matter with leverage—at least as much leverage as Elfangor and Edriss had possessed when the Time Lattice laid itself in their path. Enough leverage that the Visser had briefly considered it an existential threat.
And the third—
The third was that the observer’s larger mind completed its deliberations, handed down its tentative hypothesis—very tentative, representing less than a twentieth of its overall portfolio, yet the largest single chunk of probability by far.
Hypothesis: it is a terraforming device.
A harbinger, a precursor—an extraplanar automaton, sent to evaluate the local conditions and begin the process of reshaping them into something more amenable to—
To what?
To its creator, obviously.
Its feelings grew complex, then, a mixture of fear and outrage and grim determination, excitement and possessiveness and a canny, predatorial readiness.
Mine.
But first, data.
And to elicit that data—
“Yes,” it said quietly, the possible futures spreading out before it like a river delta. “And—if you want—I can give you a ship, as well.”
Notes:
Those of you who read K.A. Applegate's excellent original series know that it ended on a harsh and brutally honest note. There is more that could be said about what comes next for Jake, Rachel, Tobias, Cassie, Marco, Garrett, and Helium, but in the spirit of canon, this felt like the right and proper place to say goodbye.
If there are pieces of this story that feel missing or incomplete to you, I urge you to write them, and to share them with me and the world.
Thank you, everyone—for your attention, for your feedback, for your company on this journey. r!Animorphs has turned out to be more than I ever expected, going into it, and that's all down to the readers who've helped it to grow.
Particular thanks go to:
—Eli M, whose enthusiasm on Halloween of 2014 was the breath of wind that turned the spark into a flame.
—Nate S, who was the source of roughly a third of the ideas, and reliably got me out of the corners I'd written myself into.
—Ketura, who in addition to being one of my most useful and consistent beta readers was also 100% responsible for the characterization of Visser Three, by way of being the author of the first Esplin chapter.
—Olivier F, who was another champion beta reader and the author of the AMA interlude, and whose encouragement to keep the story international led directly to the scenes in Brazil, Madagascar, China, and Finland.
—The regulars of r/rational, whose feedback made all the difference.If you have comments, reviews, or other thoughts, please leave them here or over on r/rational.
If anyone has a line to K.A. Applegate, please let me know.
If you are interested in being notified the next time I write something important (fiction or nonfiction), sign up at tinyletter.com/DuncanSabien
If you'd like an EPUB of this story, there's one at: https://drive.google.com/file/d/11v2qMqKkU3ySrXdKOgXHYJ_XvKdwFML2/view?usp=sharing
If you'd like a PDF, there's one at: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-modp_CtwBocDk4Q2tWWS1LdHc/view?usp=sharingThanks again. It has been, truly, an honor and a pleasure, and I wish you all the best.
—Duncan Sabien
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