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Chapter Text

Rem gripped her pen as she flipped to a fresh page of her Death Note, slightly shaking with the knowledge of what she was about to do.

A shinigami’s purpose was to take lives away to sustain themselves. Her decision was the very antithesis of that. She imagined Ryuk was laughing at her right now. As troublesome as he was, he’d never outright broken a rule. She, who was supposedly the more uptight and law-abiding one, had sunken deeper than he’d ever dare go.

She now understood Gelus’ choice to sacrifice himself for Misa. Even though she could be clingy, a poor judge of character (Kira), and outright annoying at times, she had made the shinigami feel more alive than she ever had in her millenias of existence.

In the human myths, a god falling for a mortal never ended well. They may just be stories, but Rem felt now there was a grain of truth to that repetitive theme.

But Misa was in danger. If L disproved the fake thirteen-day rule, suspicion would be placed upon her again. And she couldn’t just give her memories up this time; Misa leaving the Task Force HQ and then the killings resuming was too coincidental. Even Light’s plan of having Misa only take a few pages of the notebook for use so they could be easily destroyed wouldn’t keep them off her back for long. Light becoming the new L was the only way to ensure she remained free and alive.

The most infuriating part? Light planned for this to happen. He knew how fond Rem was of his “girlfriend”, and so orchestrated this entire scenario just so she’d be forced to take herself out of the picture. Rem would kill him, but that would upset Misa.

She’d been backed into a corner, and the only way out was her dusting. How many humans could claim that they’d killed a god of death?

All she could do now was hope that Light, as narcissistic as he was, would remain true to his side of the deal and keep her safe, even though he would no longer have Rem breathing down his neck.

She sighed, and jotted down the first name: Quillsh Wammy.

Already, she could feel her body beginning to disintegrate, but she paid that no matter as she moved on to the next: L Lawliet.

An alarm bell suddenly rang in her head, distinct from the one screaming about how this was against her very nature. She couldn’t help but feel she had somehow broken another rule. How was that possible? She then realized that while the feeling that comes with killing with the Death Note came with Watari’s name, it didn’t happen for L’s.

Before she could ponder it further, she crumbled completely, leaving her notebook behind.

 ‘ALL DATA DELETION’ suddenly appeared on every screen in the Task Force HQ. L was the only one not confused, but that might’ve been better than the gut punch he received instead.

In the event that something happened to Watari, all the information on all the drives would be erased.

In other words, Watari was dead.

It didn’t help that L had to watch him clutch his chest painfully as he moved to do his final deed. He didn’t have time to process that info though, as earlier Rem had disappeared, and he had a good theory for what just happened.

“Everyone, the shiniga-”

L felt his world spin, the blinding lights of the computer screens becoming painful to look at. His spoon dropped from his hand as his center of balance tilted and he was on a crash course to the floor.

Kira…

Light swooped in, catching him before he could fall completely. They stared at each other, though L found it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open.

The Task Force members were yelling, but they sounded far away. Oddly enough, the bells that L had been hearing on and off all day seemed to quiet down.

Even though his vision was getting blurry, L saw Light smirk sadistically and, though that may have just been a trick of his addled mind, his eyes glow red.

I knew it…I wasn’t wrong…but…I…

It was only before he finally slipped into darkness that he realized he never felt any chest aches or squeezing. He knew that it didn’t always happen with heart attacks, but Kira’s victims had consistently been observed grabbing at their hearts before death occurred. As Watari had just painfully shown.

Something else is off. 

“Ryuzaki!” Light cried, cradling L’s body. He’d done it! He’d outsmarted the World’s Greatest Detective! Now he was free to create his new world, deemed fit for a God.

Then he heard something that made him blink in disbelief.

L, against all odds, was still breathing. His chest moved up and down, secure in Light’s arms. Light’s mind went completely blank. As far as he knew, no one had ever escaped the Death Note’s will, within its rules. The only thing he could think of was that Rem didn’t write his name, but she cared for Misa far too much. She’d do anything for her, even fight against her own demise just to write one last name down.

The only other scenario was that L’s death would somehow break a rule. Which was absurd. He was human, an adult one at that. He’d tested the note on some pets and babies of his neighbors just to see what would happen, and nothing had occurred at all.

“Ryuzaki!” Soichiro dashed to his son’s side and checked L’s pulse. “He’s still alive.”

“But he just collapsed!” Matsuda exclaimed. “He needs a hospital!”

“Watari always took care of his medical needs,” Mogi said. “But since he’s gone, I don’t think we have another choice.”

“Alright,” Soichiro gently took L out of Light’s hold, supporting the detective’s head. “It’s possible that seeing someone close to him die was too much for him to handle. Still, we should take him to the hospital, just to be safe.”

The Task Force hurried out the door, carrying the unconscious L with them. Light was the last to walk out, still stunned by the fact that L had somehow managed to defy the tool of gods.

How? My plan was foolproof! Did L make a deal with Rem in order to sniff me out? No, she would’ve told me, and she didn’t make any disappearing acts until now. Plus, there’s no way he would’ve sacrificed Watari. When you wake up L, I will get answers out of you…

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he forgot about Rem’s notebook, still left amongst her ashes.

Ryuk cackled to himself as he saw the events unfold, from the top of a nearby building. He’d sensed Rem’s breaking of the rules, and so had come to watch the show. But this was even better than he could’ve ever imagined!

The Old Man normally didn’t care about mortal affairs, but a regular human, who under all circumstances should’ve been claimed by the Death Note, surviving? That would get his attention. Ryuk was pretty curious himself, and was eager to witness Light’s interrogation of L. The detective’s lifespan still hovered above, showing no difference in numbers.

In all honesty, Light and L’s cat-and-mouse game was the most stimulation he’d ever had, and was wondering what Light would do to keep him entertained when it ended. He’d thought today would be the day, but it seemed it’d been given an extension. Not that Ryuk minded, more fun for him then!

As a police car sped away from the headquarters, Ryuk followed suit, his feathery wings extending, wondering what answers lay in store for L. He hoped the hospital wasn’t too far away, because he could only be a certain distance from Misa.

You get more interesting by the day, L Lawliet…

Soichiro clasped his hands in worry in L’s hospital room, seeing his normally unflappable boss asleep in the bed, an IV drip providing liquids inserted into his inner elbow, and a heart monitor keeping watch of his vitals. He was starkly reminded of the fact that L wasn’t that much older than his own son, and yet had clearly faced so much. It was here that L truly looked his age, so small in the sheets.

Light sat next to him, seeming deep in thought. He hadn’t said much since L was admitted, and Soichiro knew he must be very worried for his friend. As much as he disliked the detective’s methods of pursuing justice, he couldn’t deny how much of a bond he’d formed with Light, despite the constant accusations. Light had always had trouble keeping friends due to his intellect, but now he’d finally met his equal in that department.

Despite the tense atmosphere that the Kira Case brought, Light had been happier than he’d ever been, and the elder Yagami sincerely hoped that they’d stay in touch once everything was resolved.

Usually, only family would be permitted in a patient’s room, but as L didn’t seem to have any close by, and Watari was now not an option, Soichiro had volunteered to be there with him, and Light had insisted on coming along.

A doctor entered the area, bringing both men to attention. “Are you Ryuzaki-san’s family?”

Soichiro pointed to his badge. “He’s our employer. He doesn’t have any who are available, so here we are.”

She looked bewildered, clearly wondering how someone so youthful could be this man’s boss, but she continued. “When we examined him, he showed signs of severe dehydration. That’s the most probable explanation for his sudden collapse. We’re currently pinpointing the cause of the dehydration, and getting some fluids into his body to correct it. His blood glucose levels are also a little low, but not enough that it would have contributed. Still, we gave him a dose of glucose just in case.”

She then lowered her voice to a whisper. “Also…I don’t know if you knew, Yagami-san, but Ryuzaki-san…appears to have female biology.”

Soichiro’s eyes widened in surprise. Oddly enough, Light didn’t seem to be as shocked. No wonder Watari always took care of any medical needs…well, that and the need to remain anonymous.

He knew why L would keep such a thing secret, and it was the fact that the world hadn’t entirely accepted people like him. If word got out that L was transgender, his credibility would quickly disappear.

Which was ridiculous in Soichiro’s eyes. L was a brilliant detective, capable of running circles around Kira, and his gender identity didn’t change that. It shouldn’t be used as a marker to determine his legibility.

Despite the passing of the Act on Special Cases in Handling Gender Status for Persons with Gender Identity Disorder earlier this year, Japan was notoriously slow to accept change, and Soichiro was willing to use every bit of his influence to protect his son’s friend.

“I will ask that you don’t speak a word of this outside this room, and tell everyone who examined him the same,” Soichiro requested, flashing his badge.

The doctor nodded. “Normally, we would’ve had to fill in his biological gender, but as he’s a foreigner, the rules are a bit more murky. I’ll make sure he’s marked as male.”

She then moved to leave. “I’ll update you on the results of his tests when they come out.”

When the room was empty except for its original occupants, Soichiro turned to Light. “Did you know?”

Light closed his eyes, and answered, “Yes. He told me after I asked why he insisted we shower separately when he’s normally so lax about privacy.”

Soichiro pondered. “We won’t tell the rest of the Task Force. Telling me should’ve been his choice, and we won’t take his right to secrecy away.”

It was honestly lucky that L had ended up with a doctor who was so understanding. Not everyone in this hospital would’ve done the same.

Light agreed, then stated, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

He got up and left.

 When Light had told his dad the reasoning behind his knowledge of L’s transgender status, that hadn’t been the truth. In reality, Light had been relieved he’d retained his shower privacy, and had assumed that L relished his too. During their time handcuffed, one would do their cleansing ritual, while the other had their back turned and as far away as the chain would allow.

The real reason why he knew…he would rather not tell. Neither he nor L had spoken of it after it happened, and if he had his way, he’d take the secret to his grave, and had things happened as he’d planned, L’s too.

After checking around the hospital bathroom to make sure there were no spying devices, he called out, “Ryuk!” He’d noticed the shinigami poking around the hospital, and even though he doubted he knew what was going on, hopefully he’d provide some semblance of an answer, given the offer of apples.

The tall, imposing figure of Ryuk phased through the wall. “Guess things didn’t go your way this time, Light-o.”

Light huffed, rather miffed to be reminded of his failure, one he intended to rectify. “Make sure no one’s outside, listening in. I want a private chat with you. If you’re actually helpful, you’ll get apples.”

Ryuk looked at the door, presumably using his x-ray vision, then turned back. “Before you ask, no, I have no idea why he didn’t die. All I know is, Rem broke a rule somehow by writing his name. And not the one you’re thinking of.”

“Damn it,” Light banged his fist against the wall. “Ryuzaki, you bastard, why can you never stay down?!”

Ryuk giggled. “Hyuk. This mystery just makes it more fun for me. This game just got more interesting.”

Light calmed down, the skeleton of a new plan forming. “Ryuk, I want you to take a closer look at him. See if you can sense anything different. Meet me at HQ to tell me what you’ve learned. Then, I’ll plan around it.”

“Apples?” Ryuk asked.

“Yes, you’ll get your apples, provided you do exactly as I say.”

Ryuk gave a salute, merging back into the wall. Light exited as well, through the door.

Ryuk loomed over the still form of L Lawliet, the detective still sleeping peacefully, the screen with up-and-down lines beeping out a constant rhythm. Light took his seat next to Soichiro Yagami, pretending not to notice the shinigami. Ryuk set to his task, examining the young man.

His normal vision didn’t show anything unusual. L appeared just as he was, a normal human. Sure, a much more intelligent one who could match Light toe-to-toe, but nothing that should’ve granted him protection from the Death Note.

He’d known of L’s biological gender even before Light did, from the times L had visited his human at To-Oh. As he did with all info, he’d never offered it unless asked, which Light had never found a reason to. He didn’t understand why it was even a secret in the first place, but figured it had something to do with humanity’s tendency to turn hostile around abnormalities.

Humans themselves were an abnormal species, so Ryuk just laughed at that logic.

He switched on his x-ray setting, and had to resist giving a look of shock, in order to not give anything away to Light.

There, in L’s womb, a clump of cells were gathering and doubling every second. A second one was there right beside it, doing the same. They were both so tiny that Ryuk had to zoom in intensely just to get a closer view.

If L died, they both would’ve died too. And the Death Note can’t kill babies.

But that just left Ryuk with a new question. Shinigami were able to sense unborn children through seeing their lifespans floating above the mother’s belly, so they would know not to target her. Their lifespans were constantly changing, only stabilizing at birth.

So why weren’t there two little lifespans hovering around L’s stomach? He could tell the two embryos were alive, multiplying right in front of his eyes, and yet he could see nothing indicating their life status.

This explains why Rem went through with writing his name. If she knew, she wouldn’t have even tried.

This was something that the doctors would discover soon enough. All he knew was that he couldn’t wait to see both Light and L’s reaction to the news. He chuckled. “This is gonna be good. Hyuk, hyuk.”

Chapter Text

L awoke to the incessant beeping of the heart monitor, feeling more rested than he’d ever been in his twenty-five years.

“Ryuzaki!” Soichiro rushed over to his side, Light on his tail. “How are you feeling?”

L blinked, assuming his normal crouch and taking in his surroundings. “Why am I here?”

“You collapsed, and since Watari’s dead we didn’t have another choice.” Soichiro bowed his head. “My apologies. I know…about your gender.”

Right. Watari was dead. L flinched as his heart twisted painfully at that reminder. He focused on the latter topic, in an effort to stop thinking about it.

“Yagami-san…I know you didn’t intend to out me. You’re too good of a man to do that.”

The policeman seemed soothed at that. “I didn’t tell the rest of the Task Force. And everyone who treated you…they’ll stay quiet about it. It should be your choice to come out. ”

L was reminded of the time Soichiro had a non-Kira-related heart attack, and both he and Light rushing at his side. It was nice to know that, even after their disagreements about the pursuit of justice, he still cared enough to return the favor.

“Ryuzaki,” Light looked worried, but L could see right through him, sensing feelings of disbelief.

Ah. So my name was written. He’s wondering how I’m still alive. Too bad for him, because for once, I have no answer.

“Light-kun,” L responded. “Thanks…for preventing me from getting a concussion.”

“Anytime,” the teen replied.

L knew that later, when they were alone, they would drop the performance to talk about today’s events. Because L had seen Light’s mask slip, revealing Kira’s true face. Light could no longer hide behind claims of deniability. He could do so around the other members of the Task Force, but not around the detective.

At least his plan is foiled, for now.

“Anyway…” Soichiro coughed, bringing the attention of both young men to him. “Ryuzaki, according to the doctor, you collapsed due to severe dehydration.”

That explained the dizzy feeling he had just before fainting. However, he wasn’t quite sure how he became so deprived of fluids, given his sugary cups of tea and coffee.

“I see…”

L looked at his IV drip, feeding liquids into his veins. “Is there candy here?” He had no idea how long he’d been out, but he could tell that he needed a dose of glucose soon.

“I think I saw some in the vending machines,” Light answered. “But I’m not sure the doctor would be okay with it.”

“Can you hold out a little longer, Ryuzaki?” Soichiro inquired. “I promise we’ll get you candy after you’re discharged.”

L shook his head. “I’m hypoglycemic,” he explained. Another thing he was hoping he wouldn’t have to inform people about. “It’s…why you see me eat candy and pastries all the time.”

Both Yagamis had a look that screamed, “That makes so much sense.”

“In that case, don’t worry. The doctor gave you your fill,” Light assured.

At that moment, said person chose to enter the room. “Ah, Ryuzaki-san, you’re awake. Good, because we have the results of your tests right here. Would you like your guests to step out?”

L was tempted to let the Yagamis stay, but he was a grown man and could surely handle whatever the doctor had to throw at him. Plus, he wasn’t sure how it would affect the plan Light was without a doubt cooking up.

“Please leave,” the detective requested. “I wish to be alone with her right now.”

“Of course.” Soichiro got up. “Come on, Light, let’s go.” Light obeyed, staring into L’s eyes up until the moment the door closed behind him.

The white-coated medical professional walked right up to his bedside, shuffling through her papers. “All your tests indicated a low level of H2O, so we corrected that, but we didn’t know the source. We believe we may have found the cause, but in order to be sure, we need you to answer some questions.”

L nodded. He could do this. “Ask away.”

“Have you had a recent sexual encounter?”

His eyes popped out of his head. He had not been expecting that. Although maybe I should’ve, given my assigned gender at birth.

He really didn’t want to, but he knew he had to give an honest answer if this was to be resolved. “About…three weeks ago.”

He’d tried so hard to keep it out of his head, the heated exchange with Light, the marks they’d left on each other, knowing it would only hinder the Kira investigation. L had never thought he’d get to do that type of stuff, and with his suspect of all people. The worst part, he liked it, and wouldn’t mind doing it again. That was why he swore it wouldn’t.

The doctor nodded and wrote something down. “Have you noticed anything different about your body since then?”

L could guess where this line of reasoning was heading towards, and wanted to stamp it out. “I forgot my birth control at that time, but I had my period soon after that.”

That was true. L had been so busy that the little pills that stopped his menstrual cycle had been left untouched. He’d had a brief panic after it, but was never so relieved in his life to find he was bleeding.

The only reason L hadn’t had a hysterectomy by now was the simple fact there were always new cases to work on. Taking an entire organ out of his body seemed pretty uninteresting compared to the conspiracies he uncovered. It helped that it couldn’t be seen, so it didn’t contribute to his dysphoria as much. If I make it to the end of this case, I’ll get that surgery.

“I’ll be more specific, then. Have you felt cramps? Nausea? Fatigue?”

He shrugged. “Cramps, but I assumed that was related to my period. No nausea or fatigue, though.”

“Have you slacked on your testosterone doses lately?”

“No,” the black-haired man said with an air of finality. “I’ve been consistent with those.”

The doctor recorded all of that down. “Ryuzaki-san, I am asking all this, because your blood test showed high levels of human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG. High enough that it’s very probable that you’re pregnant.”

L’s mind threatened to shatter. “That…that can’t be it. I had my period recently.”

“That may have been implantation bleeding,” the doctor explained. “When an embryo burrows into the uterine lining, it may cause blood vessels to pop, hence the bleeding. How long did the bleeding last?”

“Th…three days.” Growing horror washed over him. He should’ve known something was up; periods usually lasted longer. But he was so occupied that he’d left it on the backburner. I have really let this case take over my life, to the point I’m ignoring symptoms of possible conditions.

L felt tears starting to well up, and he desperately tried to hold them back. “It’s true then,” he whispered. “I’m really pregnant.”

And Light was the father.

Did…did this save me? Are there limits to the Death Note’s power?

“I know this must be very shocking news, Ryuzaki-san,” the doctor stated sympathetically. “I’ll leave you alone to process this, then we can talk about your options.”

As she did just that, droplets slipped down L’s cheeks, dripping onto the bedding. He bit his thumb, trying to sort through the maelstrom his mind had become.

He’d never imagined this would happen, simply because he didn’t think he would ever be in a scenario where this would become a possibility. If someone had asked L, before all this, what he would do if he became pregnant, he would’ve immediately jumped straight to abortion. However, now that it was a reality, he felt his resolve shake. The child inside of him never asked for this, they never asked to have him and Light as parents, and they never asked to be conceived in the midst of the very dangerous Kira Case.

Yet, within the first stages of creation, they’d saved him.

Saved him from becoming another victim of Kira’s twisted crusade. L felt he at least owed them something for that, and that was the chance to be born.

It would be hard. He would have to break the news to Light, because there was no way he wouldn’t figure it out. He’d have to deal with Kira once and for all, so the child could be brought into a safer world. He also didn’t know how this would affect his career.

He also couldn’t afford to treat his own life with such callousness anymore. There was now another life depending on him, and if this child were to have a chance, he had to retreat into the shadows for now.

There was also the matter of how he could even be a parent, when he had no experiences or examples to draw from. He briefly contemplated just leaving the child at Wammy’s House, but that made him think of his childhood wish to know his own parents. He never wanted his child to ever know the feeling of abandonment. Sure, his parents never meant to leave him behind, but the scars were still there.

This was going to be a challenge.

But when did the World’s Greatest Detective ever back down from a challenge?

L took a deep breath, and buzzed in for the doctor to come back. While waiting, he glanced down at his stomach. “You were quite the surprise,” he murmured, running a hand over his flat belly. “But I think I can adapt.”

“I want to keep them,” he said as soon as she re-entered.

Light and Soichiro waited with bated breath outside of L’s room. Whatever the walls were made of, it was pretty thick, because none of what was happening inside was audible.

Well, quiet to everyone except a shinigami.

Ryuk had to bite his lip just to keep himself from squealing everything he’d learned. Oh, this was just too good! He’d never had such trouble keeping things to himself, and that’s what made it so significant. A baby made everything so interesting! (Well…two babies, but neither party knew that yet, and he was waiting for the right time to spring that on them.)

Granted, Ryuk knew nothing of babies, only remembering they were the first form a human took in their life. And that they couldn’t be killed by Death Notes, hence why they were here right now.

He was excited to see how this would impact the game he’d been spectating.

 Ryuk was practically trembling with excitement, which only made Light even more impatient to go back to HQ, so the shinigami could tell him what he’d learned. Whatever he’d gleaned, it clearly must be very interesting.

At one point, Soichiro had gone to the vending machine and purchased a pack of gummies for L, just as promised. Light didn’t see the appeal in them, but then again, he wasn’t a fan of sweets. Although he wondered, since there were better ways to treat hypoglycemia, if there was a deeper reason behind his constant consumption of sugar…

The door finally opened, L emerging with a pack of papers in his hand. The doctor followed close behind, wishing him good luck. Good luck on what?

“Ryuzaki!” Soichiro bounded over, giving him the colorful bag. “What did the doctor say?”

L grabbed the gummies, ripping it open and popping a few in his mouth. Without fully swallowing, he answered, “I wish to discuss this at HQ. I don’t want to risk anything.”

Soichiro nodded, pulling out his cell to contact the rest of the Task Force. “Of course.”

Light tried to catch a glimpse of the contents of the papers L had, but the man clutched them to his chest, as if he anticipated that. Of course he would.

Whatever. He’d figure out what was going on soon enough.

Matsuda had stayed behind at HQ to keep watch over the base. He’d figured he could do some cleaning, so L would have less things on his plate. He’d already cleared up the place where he collapsed.

He’d also contacted medical services to come extract Watari’s body, taking a moment to grieve. People he knew had died at the hands of Kira. First Ukita, now Watari. It only strengthened his resolve to find the monster and show them what true justice was.

Now, he was looking for Rem. She hadn’t been seen for quite a while now, and wasn’t answering to her name being called. He finally stumbled upon a dust pile, a notebook left amongst it.

Wait…that’s Rem’s notebook…

He lifted up the notebook, just like the one they’d retrieved from Higuchi. He was still having a hard time believing that such a simple object had brought death and despair to thousands. He flipped to the first page, instantly noticing something very different.

Higuchi’s notebook only had a single page detailing the rules. This one had several.

Matsuda’s eyes widened, feeling he’d just stumbled onto something huge. Quickly, he tucked the Death Note into his jacket.

The Task Force was all gathered in their seats, L at the head. Each and every one of them was looking glad to see their boss, even Aizawa.

“That was a real scare you gave us, Ryuzaki!” Matsuda said. “If you’re up for it, I’ve just discovered something that changes everything we know.”

Normally, L would take the chance to talk about anything but what he was about to reveal, but he knew in this case, it was better to rip off the bandage. After all, if the Great Detective L was stepping back from the field, everyone would immediately be suspicious.

They deserved to know why. “Gentlemen,” he started. “First, I’ll have you all know the hospital gave me a clean bill of health. It was a simple case of dehydration.”

“That’s great,” Mogi responded. “Good thing you didn’t become a casualty. Where would the investigation go without you?”

L nodded. “But…there will be changes from here on out, and it has to do with some big news I’ve just gotten.”

Here goes nothing. “I’m pregnant.”

Instantly, looks of shock and disbelief appeared on everyone’s faces. Light jumped out of his seat and yelled, “What?!”

“But…how can that be? You’re…” Aizawa stammered.

“A man? I am. But I wasn’t born one,” L explained.

“Ohh, I get it,” Matsuda interjected. “L was a girl, but he decided he wanted to be a boy instead!”

“I didn’t ‘decide’, Matsuda,” the detective sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But that’s not the point here.”

Light looked absolutely flabbergasted, the dots clearly connecting in his mind. Inwardly, L smirked. Impulses always bite in the end. Then again, I have no room to talk.

“Ryuzaki,” Soichiro cut in. “Does that mean you’re going to withdraw from the case?”

L shook his head. “I know it seems irresponsible, but I can’t stop now. Besides, I have a feeling I’ll be safe for now.”

“However,” he continued. “I will be stepping back a bit. I won’t be doing any field work.”

“Are you sure?” Soichiro inquired. “This is still dangerous.”

“I have thought long and hard about this, I assure you,” L answered. “I never thought of myself as the parental type, but when faced with this…I want the child. I want them to be born in a world free of Kira. I have the best chance of catching them, so I will personally make sure of it. For the first time I remember…I’ve found something I care for more than any case.” His eyes gleamed as his hand passed over his stomach.

That wasn’t completely true. Light had been the one to take that title, but L felt it still got the message across. Plus, he knew it wasn’t mutual.

Soichiro and Aizawa, the other parents in the room, had empathetic looks. “Of course, I understand completely,” the former said.

Matsuda beamed. “Aww, Ryuzaki’s gonna be a dad! But wait…who’s the…other father?”

L locked eyes with Light, who glared back. They quickly broke the staring contest before anyone could notice. “I know exactly who it is, but I won’t disclose their identity for now. But I imagine it’s not hard to figure out.”

“He does have a point,” Mogi conceded awkwardly. “He’s barely left HQ, and spent the majority of the case handcuffed to Light. And only so many people come here.”

A look of panic briefly flashed on Light’s face, knowing he was getting cornered. Soichiro glanced at his son, frowning.

Before that line of thought could go any further, L got up, stretching his arms. “Anyway Matsuda, what was it you discovered?”

“Oh! Right!” Matsuda dug into his jacket and pulled out a familiar notebook. Light grimaced at it. Rem’s Death Note.

“Well, I saw this in a pile of dust, so I have no idea where Rem went. But look at this…” he pointed to the first page detailing all the rules. “See the difference?”

Immediately, the Task Force saw his observation. L saw Light mouth “Oh shit.”

“The one we retrieved only had seven rules! This one has dozens!” Aizawa exclaimed. “I knew that shinigami wasn’t telling us everything!”

Matsuda ruffled through page after page. L, using his speed-reading skills, quickly skimmed them and noticed a discrepancy. “There’s nothing about a thirteen-day rule. Or death from damaging the book.”

L pressed his thumb against his lip. “Either this is an outdated notebook, which given how thorough this is, highly unlikely…or Kira put fake rules in the other one, then manipulated events to throw us off.”

Soichiro closed his eyes. “I assume that means that my son and Misa-san are again under suspicion.”

“Correct,” L turned to seek Watari on instinct, deflating when a pang of grief shot through him. “Can…one of you please contact Misa-san to let her know?”

“Of course,” Mogi stepped out to do it.

“At least this means we won’t have to test it out,” Matsuda stated.

“Matsuda,” L spoke. “Can I see the notebook please?”

“Here you go!” L flipped quickly through pages, quickly getting to the end. Rem really hadn’t put that many names. His heart dropped upon finding Quillsh Wammy written.

Watari…your death won’t be for nothing. I’ll make sure of it.

L Lawliet was scrawled right under it. He knew it must’ve happened, but seeing the evidence close up starkly reminded him just how lucky he’d been. If he’d died right there and then…

He looked at his belly. “Thank you,” he whispered. He’d make sure to white-out his name later, just in case this fell into Kira’s hands.

He turned to Matsuda. “Since you picked up the notebook after Rem’s death, that makes you the new owner.”

“Oh! How do you know?” The rookie cop looked scared at the prospect.

“It was among the rules in Rem’s note. Whoever picks it up upon the owner’s death will become the new one. Given that you found it in ashes, it’s safe to assume she’s dead.”

Instantly, Matsuda gasped and backed away. “Can I burn it, please?”

That was a tempting proposition, but L knew that while dangerous, it was also a crucial piece of evidence. “I’m afraid not. At least, not yet. We’ll need it when we bring Kira in.” He looked at the notebook. “But, if you want, I’ll hang onto it. I’ll make sure it doesn’t get used.”

“Yes! Please do that!” Matsuda glanced away, relieved.

L tucked the Death Note underneath his arm. “Anyway, we’ve all had a long day and I believe we can end things here today. Light-kun, stay for a few, we need to talk.”

As everyone packed up and got ready to go, L psyched himself up for the inevitable confrontation, and he could tell Light was doing the same. Finally, they were alone in the room.

For the second time this day, Light was reeling in shock.

L was pregnant.

He glanced at Ryuk, who was giggling with joy. No wonder he was so excited.

But more importantly, this sudden reveal ruined everything! Now L was immune to the Death Note for the next little while, and they’d gotten Rem’s notebook before he could, discovering the contradictions. He was back at square one. And he only had himself to blame. Well, his memory-less self.

Whatever. I’ve outmaneuvered L before, I can do it again.

But even he knew it was a daunting task. L had played along with this dangerous game, but now he had stated his intent to end it once and for all. He was pretty sure the only reason he wasn’t arrested on sight the first time they had met, was due to the detective’s penchant for toying with his food before he ate it. What would happen now that he was dead-set on taking him down?

It didn’t help that L would certainly have every measure taken to make sure Rem’s Death Note had eyes on it at all times, making any attempt at stealing it nearly impossible. Even if Light asked Ryuk or Misa to kill whoever was guarding it, that would just make the Task Force even more suspicious.

Damn it. This really is L’s child, if they’re already a thorn in my side even before they’re born.

“Light-kun,” L started, crouching back into a chair. “You know why we’re here.”

L knew. Well, he always knew, but now he had seen it up close. When he’d collapsed, Light had been so certain of his victory that he’d allowed his performance to drop.

Still, Light felt the security cameras staring at him. Even if L knew, there was no way he’d allow him to prove it. “The baby…it’s mine, isn’t it?”

“Of course, who else could have it been?” L rolled his eyes. “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“For the last time, I’m not Kira!”

“Really?” The detective raised a non-existent eyebrow, eating a few gummies. “That old phrase? That’s approximately the one-hundred-and-twenty-sixth time you’ve claimed that. It never swayed me; what makes you think I’ll keel over now?”

“Even if I was, what makes you think I’d confess that in front of all those security cameras? If there’s one thing Kira is, it’s not stupid.”

“Way to flatter yourself, Light-kun.”

“Ugh!” Light clutched his head. All the cards he’d stacked had been blown away in a breeze, a situation he wasn’t used to. Consequently, he was having a much harder time adapting with every new thing thrown his way.

“But let’s say you’re not Kira,” L jumped out of his chair, straightening up from his usual hunch, so they were at the same height. “Then I suppose you can handle my dismantling of his character.”

With a straight face, he said, “Kira is a megalomaniac with a god complex who thinks he has the right to dole out his own brand of justice, not caring who he has to use and kill along the way. An overgrown child who was never taught the complexities of the world. In his own eyes, he can do no wrong, because he’s so perfect that everything he does is right by default. Is that accurate?”

With every scathing criticism L dished out, Light felt the blows to his pride, and given by L’s small smile, he was noticing it, too. Luckily, he had a rebuttal ready.

“And you’re any better, Ryuzaki? You would know something about using people. You used my father to try to get a confession out of me. You used Lind L. Taylor to draw Kira out. You used me to get Misa to help the investigation. You don’t care if anyone dies, as long as it gets the results you desire. Hell, you’re even dragging out this investigation just so the game you and Kira are playing can last longer. You don’t care about justice, you just care about the entertainment we can all bring you.”

Light pointed at L’s stomach. “But, now, you want to end the game? Just because you’re expecting? How many people would’ve lived had you taken this seriously from the start? Why is your baby’s life so much more important than any of the ones that ended at your own hands?”

“I never claimed to be better,” L looked up, his eyes blazing. “I am a monster in human skin. I fully admit that. But do you think I like being one?”

As he spoke, his hands coiled around his torso. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be constantly exposed to gory scenes and the worst of humanity? The whole world depending on you to prevent World War III? Being told, ‘You’re the only one who can’? I was only a child, by the way. I’ve developed my own coping methods. Unsavory ones. Just so I wouldn’t hurt worse. The games I play…the stimulation is so I can feel things other than pain and boredom.”

He glanced down at his unborn child. “I don’t put much value on life, and that includes my own. But this…I want them to live. I don’t want them to hurt like I always am. I know that’s hypocritical, but when have I ever had standards? Also…they saved me, so I wish to return the favor.”

Light stepped back, stunned at all the bombshells just dropped on him. “That’s…not an excuse. Nothing can justify your behavior.”

“I know. I wasn’t trying to. You wanted an explanation, so I gave one.”

L sighed. “But…let me say this. If Kira truly wants justice, he should broaden his horizons and start asking, ‘Why?’ But given that he’s blinded with power, I doubt that will happen.”

He turned around, heading for the upper floor. “You are dismissed, Light-kun.”

Light stood still as a statue, up until Ryuk suddenly popped through the wall. “So you knocked up your greatest enemy, Light-o!” When had he disappeared in the first place?

Light sputtered, thrown off-guard by the shinigami’s abrupt entrance. He opened his mouth, then closed it upon remembering the security cameras.

“But it gets even better! L’s expecting twins!”

And Light’s mind froze for the third time today.

He knew that without fertility treatments, L’s chances of conceiving twins naturally was low, and with the testosterone added, that statistic dropped even more. Either this was a one-in-a-million coincidence, or something else was happening.

And with the existence of Death Notes and shinigami, he knew not to discount the latter option.

Actually, how had neither Ryuk nor Rem detected the pregnancy before? Now there was definitely something else going on.

But after the crazy day he’d had, he was very drained. He put a pin in the thought, walking off to the separate bedroom he’d gained upon being unattached from L. He quickly texted Misa to let her know to order a big bushel of apples for Ryuk.

This doesn’t change anything. L is still in my way.

L flopped onto his rarely-used bed. He didn’t know if it was his pregnancy or the unloading of his emotional baggage, but he was exhausted, and even his insomnia couldn’t keep his eyes from drooping.

He’d unveiled way more of himself than he was planning to, and he didn’t know what Light would do with that info. But even if it was his enemy who now knew…there was a feeling of a weight being lifted, no longer having to keep it all to himself.

It was here that L finally allowed himself to think about Watari. Tears that he had been suppressing spilled, and he didn’t stop for a long time.

From their first contact from when L was eight, Watari had been his closest companion and guardian, making sure he wasn’t entirely alone. Although it had also been Watari who encouraged him to go into detective work, recognizing his brilliance, but also traumatizing him…he should really unpack that once he processed his grief.

L knew that if he wanted to be a good parent, there were parts of himself he should work on. He was familiar with the cycle of generational trauma, having seen it first-hand in a couple of his cases. He didn’t want that to happen to his child.

He brushed his belly lovingly. “Good night,” he whispered.

I may be a monster…but I won’t be one to them. Never to them. And if I can be good to them…maybe I can finally feel good about myself.

Chapter Text

Three weeks earlier, after Misa agreed to aid the investigation…

Light and L walked back together to their room, the handcuffs scraping the floor. Misa had finally left, after insisting on dragging out the farewell for ten minutes. L couldn’t blame her; after all, they didn’t get much time to be a couple. Didn’t make it less aggravating, though.

His exposure to both of them, however, had clued him in on their couple dynamics. Misa was the only one who actually seemed to be putting real effort into the relationship, while Light just let her call the shots with nothing on his end. Sure, he was against her involvement in the investigation, but then again, he wasn’t as willing to use people as L was. The detective may have not been very well-versed in the topic of love, but he knew that wasn’t what he was witnessing.

Maybe his status as the third wheel was disrupting their usual routine? Perhaps, but if that were the case, shouldn’t Light be trying harder?

“That was really low, you know,” Light said. “Using me to get Misa to help?”

“It was necessary,” L answered as he entered their room. “Misa-san’s acting abilities are a crucial asset to have.”

“You didn’t have to take advantage of her feelings like that, though. She probably would’ve said yes if you’d simply asked.”

“I know. But I wanted to make sure. Besides, you don’t care about her that much.”

Light whipped around, an angry look on his face. “What are you talking about, Ryuzaki? She’s my girlfriend, how dare you say that! Did you not hear me protesting against your idea?”

“I heard you loud and clear, Light-kun,” L reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of truffles. “You’re worried because she’s going into a very dangerous situation. It’s human nature to fret about that. But do you actually care about her beyond that?”

“O-Of course!”

“Then tell me, what’s Misa-san’s favorite food? Her favorite color? Her fantasies, beyond the ones involving you and her? Can you tell me anything about her that's not her career?”

Light gaped, his mouth opening and closing. L smirked. “That’s what I thought.”

The teen sputtered. “What would you know about love, Mr. Spends-His-Time-Behind-Computer-Screens? I don’t think you see your fellow humans as anything beyond tools to manipulate at your pleasure.”

“You’re right, I admit that love is one of the few topics I’m not very knowledgeable about.” L popped a truffle in his mouth. “But I know…if someone treated me the way Light-kun treats Misa-san, I wouldn’t want to stay in that relationship.”

Light’s shoulders slumped. “Let’s say you’re right. Maybe I don’t love Misa. But I can’t just break up with her! You know how clingy she is; she’d go crazy!”

The black-haired man smiled. “I am always right. And yes, I am aware of her codependency. But the longer you lead her on, the harder it’ll be to break it up. Misa-san needs to learn at some point that you can’t give her everything she wants.”

Light said nothing, but L’s speech had clearly struck a chord with him. “Do you think it’s fair to Misa-san to let her keep deluding herself?” L asked. “Light-kun is being very mean.”

“You-You don’t understand.”

“Do I?” L finished his truffles, tossing aside the empty box. “Let me ask you the same thing I asked her. Do you love Misa-san from the bottom of your heart? She’s willing to put herself at risk just to help you. Would you do the same for her?”

Light looked down, his answer in his eyes. “It’s…it’s complicated, you know?”

L stared at his suspect. He knew Kira wouldn’t be so gung-ho about throwing his life away for the sake of others, but that wasn’t quite the vibe he was getting from Light. In fact, he seemed almost scared.

Like…something bad would happen if he called it quits with Misa.

Exactly what, he couldn’t say, because what could possibly be so terrifying that the genius son of the police chief couldn’t handle it himself?

“Are…matters of the heart always so complicated?" L found himself inquiring.

Light snorted. “You have no idea.”

He sat down on the bed. “I mean, growing up, I had my mom and dad to look towards for examples. They seemed to have it figured out, so I assumed it would be easy for me, too. But then comes the age where I’m supposed to start liking girls, and it just…never happened. I dated a bit, but I never could bring myself to feel anything. Misa is the longest relationship I’ve ever had, and I can’t even do that right. I’m wondering if something’s wrong with me. Hell, even Sayu seems to get it! Am I…too broken for love?”

L crouched down next to him, biting his thumb. “Light-kun is many things, but broken is not one of them.”

Light turned to stare at him, as L elaborated. “A broken person would not be able to match me intellectually. A broken person would not be able to keep pace with Kira. A broken person would not be able to risk their life against a dangerous killer. You’re different, Light-kun, one of a kind.”

A small smile appeared on the brunette’s face. “You sure that’s not raising my Kira percentage?”

“For once, this isn’t an interrogation. I am simply trying to comfort Light-kun. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in this situation?”

“What an odd pair we are,” Light mused. “You’re the detective and I’m your suspect. How the hell did we end up here?”

“You’re certainly the most interesting person I’ve ever met. It’s…hard to not want to know more.”

“You’re interesting too, Ryuzaki. I wonder what secrets lie beneath…”

They were closer now, face-to-face. L took a shuddering breath, feeling flushed. What…what are we doing? And why am I not opposed to this?

A matching blush formed on Light’s face. It was oddly cute, and L had the urge to touch it. So he did.

Light closed his eyes as L’s hands grasped his cheeks, leaning into it. They were less than an inch away, and L really, really, ached for more, even though he didn’t know how far that went. Light still seemed a bit more hesitant, so the detective decided a little nudge was needed.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself, Light-kun?”

Light’s eyes snapped open, something hot blazing in them. He lunged forward, grabbing L by his shirt collar and smashing their lips together.

L eagerly kissed back, his heart roaring. He slid his hands to the back of Light’s head to pull him closer. He shifted to a kneeling position.

He didn’t know exactly why they were doing this, or why it felt so good. He could feel warmth traveling down, settling in his pelvic region, rendering any coherent thought impossible. He opened his mouth, allowing Light to access it.

Light groaned at the action, doing the same. He tugged at L’s shoulders, beckoning him to come towards him. He maneuvered the detective to sit in his lap, still liplocked.

They finally broke it off to gasp for air, panting heavily. Light’s eyes were dilated and L suspected that his were doing something similar.

“This is crossing way over the line,” Light chuckled. “And I thought the handcuffs were pushing it.”

“That’s true,” L nodded. “I normally wouldn’t interact with my suspects in such a way. But…you’re different. Do you want to stop?”

“And when do you let rules and boundaries get in your way?” Light grinned, the action only making L more aroused.

“I don’t.” Taking the lead this time, L dragged Light’s lips back to his, with such force that he ended up on his back, the latter hovering over him on his hands and knees. L lost himself in the sensation. Light’s mouth was so warm and soft, and perfect. He knew that what they were doing was inappropriate, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it felt so right.

Light lifted his lips off, something dark glimmering behind his amber irises. “Ryuzaki…do you want this?”

L felt his face burn, his hair splayed out all over the pillow like a halo, his lips red and puffy from the make-out session. “Was my reciprocal actions not sufficient enough evidence?”

“Just making sure. Tell me to stop, and I will.”

With that, Light dropped kisses along L’s neck, making him shiver and squirm in pleasure. He pulled his shirt collar aside to suck a bruise in, the detective hissing and moaning.

“H-Have you done this before?” L managed to choke out in between Light’s ministrations.

“Kissed a few girls,” Light shrugged as he nibbled on L’s ear. “Never went any further than the occasional make-out. I wasn’t feeling it. But…I have read a few articles for ideas though. You’re the first person I’ve wanted to try them out on.”

“I must confess,” L sat up, his fingers tracing the hem of Light’s shirt. “I have never done this before. But I can learn.”

“I’ll be happy to be your teacher.”

The handcuffs jangled between them, making it clear that if this continued, they had to go. Watari had the key, and since L very much didn’t feel like calling him…

He reached into his wild locks, and retrieved a bobby pin. With expertise, he unlocked the cuffs, allowing them to fall to the ground.

“You had that this whole time?” Light gaped.

“I’m always prepared, Light-kun. Don’t bother trying to do that to escape; I’ll catch you.” Watari’s not even here anyway. Doesn’t seem worth it to wait.

L kissed him hungrily, his hands bunching up the brunette’s jumper. Light lifted his arms to allow it to be taken off, and L stared at the body he’d only gotten glimpses of.

His torso was slim, yet fit. L could see years’ worth of tennis etched into it, a few scars lining some areas. Acting on instinct, he leaned forward, and licked his chest.

Light yelped, L pulling back. “Was that not good?”

He shook his head. “No, no, you just surprised me, that’s all.” He then reached out to grab the bottom of L’s shirt. “Can I?”

L briefly hesitated, knowing that such an action would reveal one of his best-kept secrets. Light-kun is Kira, his thoughts kept screaming.

But he found that in the moment, he didn’t care much. Maybe this time, it was best to let himself feel, and worry about consequences later.

He nodded, and let Light peel the shirt off. A pale, skinny body was revealed, with prominent scars in the chest area.

Any other partner might’ve brushed them off, but L bet Light was smart enough to know the difference between scars from an old injury, and surgical scars.

Light stared at the scars, his hand reaching out to trace them. L shuddered, not expecting that to send shockwaves down his spine.

“What’s the story behind these?”

“Double mastectomy, four years ago,” L answered. “I’m transgender.”

Light was silent for a moment before diving down to kiss his chest, making sure every inch was given attention. L shrieked, giggling as the smooches tickled his skin. Light smiled at that.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you laugh. You should do it more often.”

L panted, flushed from head to toe. “Light-kun doesn’t think any less of me?”

“Why would I? You’re still the same L.”

At the use of his given name, L was starkly reminded that they were being recorded. “Light-kun, careful.”

He could see the moment that reality kicked in, and Light scrambled away, looking fearfully around the room. “Are you sure about this? We’re being watched.”

The detective stretched on the bed, purple and red marks contrasting heavily with his snow-white appearance. “Watari is the only one who has access to bedroom footage. And I know for a fact that he’s not here right now, because I sent him off on a shopping trip for more macarons. I’ll erase any compromising film, I promise.”

“Wouldn’t he get suspicious?”

“I’ve long learned how to cover up my tracks so thoroughly it would only take someone like you to find them. If you still want this, we’ll be fine.”

Light blinked, lust swirling behind his eyes, and immediately pulled L into yet another soul-searing kiss. His hands danced around the waistband of his jeans.

“Jesus!” Light gasped. “I really want to fuck you. Is that okay?”

L’s eyes widened, the thought turning him on. “Yes, Light, that’s more than okay.”

Not noting the lack of an honorific, Light’s delicate hands worked on L’s trousers, unbuttoning them and sliding them off. L was now fully exposed, his excitement evident and dripping down his legs.

Without warning, Light inserted a finger into the slick area. L bit on his hand to muffle his scream, never knowing this type of pleasure was possible to feel. Encouraged by the detective’s reaction, Light added another, spreading them out. L wheezed, his chest heaving under his breaths.

“Sh-Shit,” he managed. “You’ve never done this before?”

“What can I say?” Light smirked as he pushed a third finger in. “I’m a quick study.”

L’s surroundings blurred around him, all his focus angling towards the point of entry. He squeaked as Light curled his digits.

“Ahh…that’s…good…more…fuck…”

L had been rendered an incoherent mess from all the foreplay, his eyes squeezed shut as his hands grasped the sheets. Sweat accumulated all around his body, his hair stuck to his neck. He could feel something hot building up inside himself.

He whined when Light removed his fingers. He mustered up a pout. “Light-kun is very mean.”

The teen chuckled as he removed his pants. “Really? Then what about this?”

He thrust inside, L arching his back from the electricity spreading out. “Ugh…damn…feels so good…”

Light picked up the pace, losing his own composure as throes of pleasure manifested. “Ryuzaki, shit, you’re so tight. You feel so amazing!”

Using what little attention he could spare, L reached up and grabbed Light’s shoulders. “Light, give me more. Fuck me like you mean it.”

“Demanding little thing,” Light teased, but he obliged anyway, grabbing L’s legs and throwing them around his waist.

L gasped deeply at the new position, making it so Light could reach deeper. He felt so full, so complete. He groaned loudly, pulling Light in for a kiss, nails digging into his back. They made out sloppily, drool spilling from both their mouths.

A scream tore its way out as L came, a fluid splashing up his thighs and onto Light’s stomach. In response, Light’s breath hitched.

“Ryuzaki!” he cried as he released as well, filling up L completely.

They both panted as a post-sex haze descended, making them sleepy. With a grunt, Light dislodged himself, and flopped next to the detective.

“We’re a mess,” he murmured, kissing L’s forehead.

L’s limbs felt like jelly, his muscles sore from the amount of exertion he’d done. “Too bad, because I don’t feel like getting up.”

Light chuckled, wrapping an arm around L’s bare shoulders. “I don’t either. But I would like to get clean.”

“Can we just stay here for a moment?” L nuzzled his nose into Light’s neck.

“Of course.”

A minute later, both were out.

The next morning, Light and L would wake up, the dried remnants of what they’d done still sticking to their bodies. After a shower, they both agreed it was a heat of the moment thing, and that they shouldn’t let it affect the investigation. So they resolved to never discuss it again, the only evidence being erased from the camera footage.

Three weeks later, Higuchi was busted, Light touched the notebook, and the consequences of their tryst would show themselves.

Chapter Text

The next day, L and Matsuda both studied the notebook, taking a closer look at the differences between it and the previous one they’d acquired. If this were any other point in the investigation, L probably would’ve invited Light to join in, but now that he was seeking an end to the game, it was important that he shouldn’t interfere.

At least he had his confirmation that the Death Note couldn’t affect him, upon seeing the rule that specified it couldn’t kill people under 780 days old. Oddly specific.

As for Rem’s notebook, when it wasn’t being consulted, he’d placed it in a locked drawer, with a tracking chip that would go off if it sensed it was being moved, in order to account for the possibility of Kira sending a shinigami to find it. Even if the shinigami just plucked it and destroyed it, it would still send a notification to him. He was also the only one who knew the code to deactivate the chip, exploiting his newfound immunity to the Death Note. Just to be safe, he gave Higuchi’s Death Note the same treatment.

When all was said and done, he was going to burn both. No human should have that kind of power.

It says that relinquishing ownership would result in the owner losing their memories, and I’ll assume that burning it counts. I can’t exactly convict two memoryless people…but perhaps if I implanted a piece in them…

He doubted that Light would try anything, not with him being trapped in a corner and any possible retaliation implicating him further. But Light was still Light, so it was important that he shouldn’t drop his guard.

“So we know that the thirteen-day rule is fake,” Matsuda said. “And you think that Kira killed Higuchi to cover his tracks. But if you really think it’s Light, then how would’ve he managed to do that without a notebook and with all of us in the area?”

“Don’t forget, the part about destroying the notebook was also incorrect,” L pressed his finger against his lip. “Paper is still paper, whether it’s in a notebook or not. If one were able to tear a piece of the Death Note, it would be easily hidden. I believe he may have hidden the paper on his person and then wrote his name when we were being distracted by Rem-san.”

“You were attached to him for a long time, Ryuzaki. How could’ve he managed to hide it from you?”

“That’s a good question.” He scanned the pages, seeing if he could find any answer. The rules pertaining to memory were certainly very interesting, and would explain a lot. But if Light was really amnesic during that time period, it would be logical that the paper would be easily discovered, since he didn’t know he had anything to hide. Although we didn’t know about the Death Note before. Even if it was discovered, I don’t know if it would’ve proved anything, especially if it was blank.

Matsuda sighed. “I still don’t really know why you’re targeting Light in particular. I can never see him being a mass murderer.”

“Can we ever really?” L inquired. “People hide their true selves all the time, and I know that Light-kun is a very good actor. My job is to unmask them, even if the results are ugly.” He sipped his tea. Remember to buy more tea. Can’t have caffeine for a while.

“Not me, though!” Matsuda beamed. “I am exactly who I appear to be!”

“I know. You couldn’t act if you tried.”

“Hey! I managed to infiltrate Yotsuba and discover their plans!”

“But I had to bail you out.”

Matsuda pouted, the rookie cop frowning. “I discovered game-changing evidence! Surely that makes up for my earlier blunders?”

“You are a good worker, Matsuda. I would’ve kicked you off the Task Force a long time ago if you weren’t.” Maybe I should ease the insults.

“Aww!” He grinned. “I knew you had a heart, Ryuzaki!”

They continued to gloss over the notebook’s contents for a few minutes before Matsuda piped up, “So, is it a boy or a girl?”

L blinked, before realizing the topic had switched. “It is far too early. I won’t know until at least ten weeks in, and I’m currently at five. Due to…pre-existing conditions, they want me to come in for an ultrasound every two weeks. I have one scheduled next week.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I hope everything goes well!”

He allowed himself a tiny smile, gray eyes shifting towards his stomach. Me too.

“What?!”

Misa’s shriek echoed all around, Ryuk having to shield his ears.

Since she was again a suspect, security cameras had been placed in her apartment, L not wanting her to come over so she couldn’t see Light.

She glared as the voicemail ended. She had gone to sleep early last night, dreaming of hers and Light’s life as a married couple, and so had missed the initial call. L was supposed to be dead! Out of the way so she and Light could finally be together and cleanse the world of evil! What the hell had happened?

She’d tried to subtly hint at Ryuk that he should write his name down, but he’d just chuckled. She’d texted Light to ask what was going on, but he hadn’t responded. When she tried to call, he didn’t pick up, either. Oh well. She’d find some answers herself!

Grabbing her purse that contained fresh pages of the Death Note, she marched out the door, Ryuk floating on her tail. Her status as a celebrity had taught her to be very aware of any stalkers, and she could sense that besides the shinigami, she wasn’t alone.

“Amane-san, we’re very sorry, but you are forbidden from stepping foot here.” Mogi rubbed his head, sheepish.

“But my Light’s here! He needs Misa!” Misa roared.

“Light has not requested your presence, and even agreed to your ban.”

“No he wouldn’t! It’s Ryuzaki, isn’t it? He’s preventing us from getting our happily ever after!”

“Ryuzaki has been recently compromised, and he doesn’t want to take any more risks. And he includes you on that list.”

“What? Why?”

“He believes you may be a danger to him, and so has requested you don’t come over anymore.”

“That’s not fair!”

“It is what it is, Amane-san. Now please leave, or I will be forced to escort you out.”

Misa growled, her impulse control lowering drastically. She swung her fist out, and struck Mogi in the cheek.

He stumbled back, holding his rapidly-bruising face. “Amane-san, you are under arrest for assaulting an officer. Don’t try to deny it when questioned; the security tapes caught everything.”

Misa’s eyes shrunk, realizing how badly she’d screwed up. She knew it would only make things worse if she resisted. Ryuk wouldn’t be able to help her; not without looking more suspicious.

She brightened up as she thought of Light. Yes, he’d get her out of this. Then they could kill L and be together.

So she followed instructions, smiling as her hands were cuffed and she was brought inside.

This was worse than the handcuffs.

At least back then, he didn’t know what was truly at stake, and it had become bearable after a little while, especially after he and L became-

No. He’s the enemy and everything that has happened between us doesn’t change that. He’s in the way of my perfect world, and that’s all that matters. Besides…I don’t think he meant it when he admitted we were friends.

Light had his phone taken away, so he couldn’t contact Misa. Not that he would’ve anyway; he was pretty sure L was tracking their communication. And Ryuk had gone back to her last night, so he couldn’t use the shinigami to update her on the situation and give her new instructions. Ryuk, did you leave on purpose? Just so you could watch me flounder?

It was here that Ryuk’s proclamation that he wasn’t on anyone’s side rang true in the harshest way possible. Sure, he could be swayed to assist with apples, but in the end, he would always pick the option that led to the most entertainment. Light had been lucky that most of those choices happened to convenience him, so much that he’d forgotten that Ryuk could just as easily decide on the outcome that benefited the opposing force. And because the death god had no personal connections to exploit, and was very well-read on the rules, he couldn’t be gotten rid of as easily as Rem.

Did he get tired of seeing me win all the time? Is he testing how I would fare without supernatural aid? Ah, why am I questioning this? It’s Ryuk; the answer is always “Because it’ll be fun!”

He glanced at L, who was currently working his way through a large slice of strawberry cake, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. His teeth hurt just looking at the sugary concoction.

“Isn’t too much sugar bad for the baby?”

L opened one eye, a gray iris watching him intently. “The child needs glucose, so I actually need more. The doctor prescribed me dextrose tablets to help.”

“I’m sure she didn’t give you the go-ahead to gorge yourself even more than you usually do. There’s better ways to get the glucose needed.”

L rolled his eyes, pointedly stuffing the remainder of the cake into his mouth. “Why are you acting like you care, Light-kun? Are you trying to save face?”

“Hey, this is my baby, too. Why wouldn’t I care about them?” Light had to be careful not to reveal his knowledge of the twins. He was already on thin ice as it was.

“That’s strange. The reason I haven’t revealed you’re the father, is that I was hoping you’d fess up yourself. There isn’t much of a point in doing that, you know, given the very narrow list of people allowed here. It doesn’t take much to connect the dots. It seems to me you’re refusing to take responsibility for our child.”

“It might not be a very big deal where you’re from, Ryuzaki, but here, children born out of wedlock are frowned upon. They’re protected by law, but social attitudes haven’t quite gone away. What would people think if they learned I fathered an illegitimate child?”

“I see. This is about your reputation, then? Coward.”

Light snapped his head towards the expectant detective, glaring daggers. “What did you just call me?”

L gave an identical look, an arm curling around his belly. “You heard what I said. We both acted on impulse, and now we’re both paying for it. But I’m willing to accept the consequences and change my life. You are just running away, pretending that nothing’s changed. Keep putting on that performance as the perfect son of the police chief. Graduate at the top of your class at college. Join the police and rise in the ranks. Marry a woman and start a family. That’s your plan, yes? The path that has been laid out for you the moment you were born? Sounds awfully boring.”

“Y-You know nothing!”

“Do I? We are very much alike, after all. Someone as intelligent as you wouldn’t be able to stand such a mundane life, because I know I wouldn’t either. I found my outlet. You didn’t…or have you?”

Light opened his mouth, but then got interrupted by a very familiar high-pitched shriek.

“Light!” Misa called as she was led by Mogi in cuffs. “They wouldn’t let me in to see you! Can you believe that?!”

Ryuk followed her, looking as though he was having the time of his life. “Hyuk, looks like your girlfriend’s landed herself in trouble, Light-o!”

Light had to resist the urge to facepalm. He’d been worried about what she would do when communication was cut off, and he was right to fret. She was useful when she was acting on his orders, but history showed that she wasn’t very helpful when at her lonesome, as proved when she got caught not two months after beginning operations as the Second Kira. The only time she’d shown true cunning without input from him was when she’d convinced Higuchi that she was his predecessor, and that was with her memories wiped. He was hoping she’d just send Ryuk back for a new plan, but no, her obsession with him overrode everything.

L looked miffed, his eyes narrowing. “Why is Misa-san here after I explicitly ordered her banishment?”

“Sorry, Ryuzaki. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and got physical,” Mogi explained. “We still have to follow procedures for these things, big case or not.”

The detective sighed. “Fine. Take her to an interrogation room. Make sure she doesn’t have anything on her person, and check her belongings. I’ll deal with her myself.”

“Are you sure? You said you no longer felt safe around her.”

“That’s why you all will be watching. If anything happens, you’ll know.”

Mogi still looked unsure, but he did as he was told, dragging Misa away, who was still proclaiming her love and whining about how unfair this all was. Light winced; his ears were ringing.

L got up, picking up his empty plate and fork. “I’ll go deal with our suspect. You go with the rest of the Task Force to the security cameras.”

Light’s hands trembled. This was getting more and more out of his control, and the worst part was, he couldn’t do anything, not with L being rendered impervious to all means of supernatural death. And with him constantly being under watch and all means of contact taken away, he couldn’t even go retrieve the Death Note buried in the forest, or instruct someone else to do it. Ryuk had abandoned him, so he couldn’t do the same thing as he did with Misa and whisper orders at an angle the camera couldn’t see, or even have him seek out and dispose of any cameras and wiretaps. L deliberately hadn’t told anyone the means of which he’d protected Rem’s notebook, and had beefed up security at his room greatly. Higuchi’s note had also disappeared. Even the little piece he’d kept in his watch couldn’t help; he’d gotten rid of it to destroy the only evidence.

Because of one stupid decision, he’d well and truly fucked himself over.

Damn you, unaware self!

L sat in his frog-like position, rubbing his toes together as Misa glared at him from across the table, her arms bound to it. Above her, a camera was blinking red, making sure she couldn’t get away with anything. He noticed that she kept glancing out of the corner of her eye, then back at the camera, becoming more agitated for some reason. Is a shinigami in the room with us? Not a very helpful one, given by her reaction. Maybe I can trick her into revealing their presence…

“Misa-san,” he started. “You trespassed here even after it was clarified, and assaulted Mogi-san. Care to explain why you thought you could ignore the rules?” If Light-kun were here, he’d tell me, “Look who’s talking!”

“You could never understand,” Misa pleaded. “Light needs me!”

“Interesting. From what I’ve observed, that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

“Liar! I love him and he loves me! We’re going to be together forever and you can’t separate us!”

“Has he actually told you that?”

“He doesn’t need to! I just know!”

“Know? Or are you so desperate for love that you’ll latch onto the first man you see?”

Misa sputtered, her facing turning pink. “Misa is not that shallow! Light did something for me! He made sure-” she suddenly halted herself, eyes wide.

“Made sure of what?” Perhaps I should’ve used this tactic the first time. Would’ve saved me a lot of time and effort.

“Light made me promise I wouldn’t tell. I’d be a bad girlfriend if I told you!” 

He took a drink out of his tea, licking at the sugar that accumulated on the side. “I don’t doubt that you think the world of Light-kun and would do anything for him. What I’m concerned about is that you’re giving your all for a man who wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re useful to him now, but what happens if that expires?”

“How dare you say that! Light is my boyfriend!”

He was hoping he wouldn’t have to pull this card, but it looked like Misa needed actual, physical proof, not buying his word alone. Fair. I’m a known liar, after all.

He pulled out the same documents he’d gotten from the doctor, setting them out on the table. Looks like I’ll have to out you after all, Light-kun.

Misa skimmed the contents, confusion evident. “This is just a list detailing what to expect during…pregnancy.” She slowly looked up, the beginnings of an inner battle manifesting. “And it’s for a…Rue Ryuzaki.”

She blinked rapidly, zeroing in on his stomach. On instinct, L wrapped his arms around it. “Yes. I am pregnant. And it’s Light-kun’s.”

“That…that can’t be true. You don’t have…”

“The parts for it?”

“Uh…yes, that!”

L had a feeling she was going to say something else, but he set that aside. “I’m transgender, and haven’t had a hysterectomy. I am with child.”

“You’re…you’re lying! Even if you are transgender, Light wouldn’t do that to Misa! You could’ve faked this document”

“While I admit I do have the means to pull that off, you can interrogate the entire Task Force and they will all confirm I was indeed at the hospital yesterday. Yagami-san was even in the room with me. You can even ask Light-kun, but I don’t trust that he won’t lie to you about it.”

The model was in total denial, shaking her head and still training her eyes on his abdomen. “What if you lied to them about being pregnant?”

“I am stepping back into the shadows,” the detective gulped down the rest of his tea. “After everything I’ve risked for this case, why would I do that suddenly? Tell me, Misa-san, don’t you think pregnancy is a good reason?”

“Let’s say it’s true. But Light can’t be the father!”

“Think about it. Only the members of the Task Force, and until recently, you, have been allowed here. I haven’t left unless for a case-related reason. And I chained myself to Light-kun for the purpose of watching him twenty-four-seven; why would I break that just to sleep with someone? Misa-san, I know you’re a smart girl; you can figure it out.”

Misa looked at the same corner she’d been constantly eyeballing. Whatever she saw, it made her start to tear up, muttering, “No…no…no…Light wouldn’t…he wouldn’t…”

“I am sorry, Misa-san,” L said genuinely. Whatever she had done, she certainly didn’t deserve to be used and cheated on. “I apologize for my part in it. Nothing can justify such an act of betrayal, so I won’t try. Just…rethink your feelings towards Light-kun, please. You can do much better than him.”

Misa said nothing, staring into space, looking…broken. L sighed, signaled for someone to retrieve her, and left the area. The entire conversation had been recorded and seen by the entire Task Force. The cat was out of the bag for Light, and he could only wonder what kind of reaction he was getting.

It was several minutes later that his cell rang, and he held it to his ear using his thumb and pointer finger. “Yes? What is it?”

“Ryuzaki…I found empty notebook pages in Amane-san’s bag. When I touched it, a shinigami suddenly appeared next to me.”

I was right. “I’m on my way.”

The only one who was having fun as the entire situation unfolded was Ryuk, who was floating in mid-air, laughing his ass off. He’d taken a gamble on letting L get some victories, and he was pleased to see it pay off.

He had wondered if it would be worth the apple withdrawal, but he’d reminded himself that he’d gone without for months just to see if Light could pull off his plan, which almost worked. Honestly, it was entertaining to see the usually crazy-prepared teen prodigy be helpless as everything went up in smoke, unable to douse the flames. This may be even more fun than seeing him constantly pull himself out of tight corners. Was getting boring, since the end result was the same, no matter how different the implementation.

Sure, it was Light’s smarts that helped him stay afloat in the game, but he’d also had supernatural aid, something that L couldn’t predict. Now that he was deprived of that, they were more evenly matched. In fact, Light might have been relying on Ryuk and Rem a little too much, since he was rapidly losing ground the moment that the former decided to leave. As Ryuk had seen over and over through his occasional viewings in the mortal world, humans who reached for the sun tended to fall short in a disastrous way. And Light, for all his claims of godhood, was no different. He was far from the first to try to climb to such a high pedestal, and he wouldn’t be the last.

Even though Light had promised him new entertainment once L was dead, ever since the plan’s failure, Ryuk had been doubtful of that. The detective was the only other human who was as fun to watch as Light, especially when they fought their battles of wit. He probably would’ve offed the teen soon after had everything gone as expected.

During Misa’s interrogation, he’d decided against destroying the security camera despite her silent orders to do so, so the Task Force could see everything and he could watch their reactions through the walls. It was especially amusing seeing Light squirm. When Misa had looked to him to ask if L was telling the truth about Light’s infidelity, he’d nodded, because from what he could glean from the television he’d watched, cheating was always followed by a drama fest, exactly the kind he was looking for.

Now, Ryuk was phasing through the structure of HQ in order to catch the fallout of the reveal. He couldn’t wait! I made the right choice with you, L Lawliet. You might be even more interesting than Light-o right now.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…

That was pretty much the only thing Light was capable of thinking, his usually logical brain having descended into complete chaos, as L revealed his most recent secret. He remained frozen in his seat, an utter contrast to the shitshow he was feeling inside. Soichiro’s jaw dropped, Matsuda gasped, Mogi’s eyebrows rose, Ide looked down, and Aizawa remained stoic.

“Why are you all acting so surprised?” he asked. “I knew it must’ve been him the second Ryuzaki told us! Don’t tell me you weren’t all thinking the same!”

“I…thought about it…” Matsuda admitted weakly. “But I didn’t want to believe it. I mean, it’s Light. Why would he have done such a thing? Poor Misa-Misa!”

“I too held my suspicions,” Mogi added. “But I held my tongue until we could have definite proof.” Ide nodded in agreement.

Soichiro was silent, which only served to terrify Light. “Dad…I can explain-”

“Explain what?!” The elder Yagami exploded, and the younger recalled how he had only heard that tone from his father when he’d tried to hide the fact that he’d broken one of his mother’s plates when he was seven. Needless to say, Light hadn’t lied to him since then up until he’d started his Kira crusade.

“How do you expect me to brush off the fact that you were unfaithful to Amane-san, and impregnated Ryuzaki? How do you plan to explain?”

Light shrank, and it didn’t help that Ryuk chose that moment to enter the room. He gleefully said, “Your luck has run out, Light-o! Seems you can’t weasel your way out of anything after all!”

He tried to think of any tall tale he could spin, anything, but his brain came up blank. He could try to claim that L was lying, but that would only make him look more guilty, and there was too much evidence to the contrary. And Soichiro didn’t look as though he would take any more bullshit.

“Light,” he sighed, disappointment settling over his features. “We’ll talk about this later. Ryuzaki as well. This is a situation we’ll have to navigate together as a family, and since he’s involved, that makes him a part of it too.”

With that, he stood up, and exited the room. Matsuda followed, resembling a kicked puppy. Mogi and Ide sent him glares as they too made themselves scarce, and Aizawa remained, apparently having taken over babysitting duty.

“Hyuk, hyuk!” Ryuk cackled, upside-down, his legs kicking. “It really is just as dramatic in real life!”

“...why…?” Light muttered as he face-planted into his desk.

“It’s called consequences of your own actions, kid,” Aizawa answered.

Ryuk suddenly straightened up, as if answering some call. Without warning, he dashed right through the wall.

Mogi was a man who prided himself on controlling his reactions, but right now, he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the police chief's son, not without wanting to punch him.

Sure, L wasn’t blameless in the affair either, but he at least didn’t try to shield away from the ramifications. He was taking responsibility for the fruit of his actions, even telling Misa the truth. While Light had kept his mouth shut and would’ve probably left L to deal with the pregnancy on his own. Even if L hadn’t blown the whistle, how on earth had Light thought he could get away with it? The Task Force had already concluded he was most likely the father, so he would’ve been exposed anyway.

Grumbling quietly to himself, he spotted Misa’s bag left on the evidence counter and remembered it still had to be looked through. The bruise on his face ached.

Putting on a pair of gloves, he began to rift through the purse, only finding makeup supplies, her phone, and a very fancy pen. When he reached the bottom, he felt paper. That usually wouldn’t be such a significant find, but in light of the Kira Case, paper had suddenly become very important. He pulled out three folded-up pieces, each blank.

It didn’t look any different from paper one would find in a regular notebook, and there was only one immediate way to test if it was from a Death Note. This was a gambit, since he had no way of knowing if a shinigami was even here, so how would he know if it was an instrument of murder? The only other method was forensic testing, but that took longer and it was probably for the best if he knew for sure whether it was a murder weapon sooner.

He removed the gloves, and tapped the paper. A looming presence suddenly manifested over him, and he turned around to see a pale monstrous-looking creature with spiky black hair, attire and jewelry reminiscent of a rock star, and a wide grin. A notebook was attached to his hip, hanging from chains.

He raised a clawed hand as if in greeting. “I see you’ve found Misa’s secret.”

It was a good thing Mogi had already seen Rem, or he might’ve fainted in shock. Instead, he wordlessly reached for his cell to call L.

Chapter Text

“So…you must be Kira’s shinigami. The first one’s.”

L stared at the otherworldly being, nonchalantly sucking an apple-flavored lollipop. Ryuk shrugged, glaring at the candy for some reason.

“Really? What makes you think so?”

Mogi, meanwhile, had sat back, watching the interaction to glean information.

“There are two confirmed notebooks: Rem-san’s and Higuchi’s, and both were possessed by her. With the evidence we found in Misa-san’s bag, and the recent killings, we can only presume the existence of a third notebook. That one is yours.”

“Sound thinking, detective, but how do you know Rem wasn’t here first?”

L placed his thumb on his lip. “Her claim that she just happened to drop the note at Higuchi’s front door…that felt rehearsed. Like she was covering for someone. And also, she didn’t seem the type to do so for no reason. I don’t know much about you, shinigami, but are you bored a lot?”

“You have no idea,” Ryuk snorted, then his eyes bulged. “How do you know that?”

“Let’s just say I know the feeling. And I’ve been satiating it with Kira’s game. If our reality were fictional, I imagine it would be very entertaining to watch. That’s your view of this, yes?”

Ryuk stared, likely wondering how this human had read him so quickly. His behavior is much more reminiscent of an average human’s, making it more likely he’s been here longer than Rem-san. Does make him easier to get a read on.

L continued. “But unlike most audiences, you can actually affect the story as it’s happening, because you are, in essence, a character too. And what you seek is fun. So you’ll favor the outcome that leads to the most entertainment.”

Just like me when I drag on my cases.

Ryuk finally spoke up. “I knew you were good, L, but analyzing me on sight? You may be the first human to ever do that. Light-o only did so after I gave him some info.”

He’s also not used to being seen by others, otherwise he might not have slipped that. Unfortunately, I can’t use a shinigami’s word as evidence.

Mogi, however, gasped loudly. “You mean to say that Light is Kira?”

L resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course it was Light, as he’d been telling everyone for months, yet apparently a death god was more convincing?

Cut them some slack. Light-kun buried his tracks well. Right. He was trying to be more nice, as a start to being better for his child.

Ryuk briefly looked shaken, but apparently decided to roll with it. “Yeah, yeah, and the only reason I can tell you that is because you already know his face and name.” L nodded, recalling the rule that specified that shinigami couldn’t tell humans the names and lifespans of others.

“So…what’s in it for you? Why reveal yourself to us?” L crouched down, crunching on the remains of his candy.

“Well, things have gotten even crazier around here than usual, and it’s the best! Might as well stir the pot further! And I have your babies to thank!” He tapped L’s abdomen.

L shuddered as a sudden chill went through him at Ryuk’s touch. He then blinked as he processed a certain piece of information. “Wait…did you say…?”

“Oh, Light-o didn’t tell you? You’ve got two of them in there! Saw them myself, floating in your womb!”

L already knew taking care of a baby was difficult enough, but twins? He sighed, silently rubbing his belly. I’ll have to work even harder then at this “parenting” thing.

But then he stilled as a thought came to him. “That’s…that’s very improbable. I have been on testosterone for nine years, and even without that, the chances of conceiving twins naturally is low. Light-kun can’t be that fertile!”

Ryuk cleaned his fangs with a claw, picking at a tooth. “I don’t know much about human reproductive processes, but your babies are interesting to me for another reason. Before I looked, I had no idea they even existed.”

The pale detective tilted his head, curious. “Are you supposed to?”

“How else would we know how to not target humans with babies still cooking?!”

L opened his mouth to say, maybe the bulging stomach would be a clue? But he supposed in the early stages, it wasn’t obvious. Like himself, still thin as a rake despite the two incubating inside of him.

Oh hell, pretty soon he would look like that, about to burst.

“But yours,” Ryuk smiled even wider. “I got zilch from them. And that’s so exciting! They’ve changed everything, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

“But what about Light-kun?” L asked, steering the conversation back on track. He’d mull over the revelations about his children later. “You were helping him hide from us. Aren’t you technically going against him?”

“It’s like you said, Elly,” Ryuk chuckled, L wrinkling his nose at the nickname. “I’m here for the fun only. Doesn’t matter who or where it comes from. I’ve just happened to decide you’re the funner option for now. I stuck with him because of the entertainment, but the only reason I helped him was for the apples. Don’t think I’m telling you all this because I’m on your side, I simply wondered what you’d do with it. It will be interesting, no doubt.”

Stimulation and apples, you say…I believe I may have found your weak point.

“Shinigami,” he started.

“Ryuk,” the death god interrupted. “I have a name, you know.”

“Ryuk-san, then,” L cleared his throat. “The game will be ending soon. Then you won’t have any fun at all.”

“I know,” Ryuk whined at the ceiling. “That’s why I told Light-o I would be writing down his name when he wasn’t fun anymore.”

L remembered the rule about only a Death Note owner’s shinigami being able to kill them, shielding them from other shinigami. I suppose Light-kun was never told that part.

“Anyway,” he continued. “Where I’m from, apples come in abundance. They’ll be even fresher, since they won’t have to be shipped overseas to here. If you help me bring Kira to justice, I’ll give you apples for life.”

“Hmm…” Ryuk scratched his chin. “Tempting. But even apples won’t be able to keep me from getting bored.”

“By my job definition, I live an interesting life,” L explained. “It doesn’t seem as though you’ve seen much of the world outside of what Light-kun has shown you. I can take you with me on all my cases, and you can find new kinds of entertainment. Of course, I can’t let you drop another Death Note, but surely mass murder gets boring after a while?”

“It’ll be hard to replace this game, you know,” Ryuk mentioned.

“If that doesn’t do it for you, then…when Light-kun is caught, don’t write his name down just yet. I have plans for him, a new kind of game. A safer game, for the sake of my children, but I promise it’ll be just as interesting.”

“If you’re not going to let me drop another Death Note, then I’ll assume you’re going to get rid of the ones you do have. If you do, Light-o and Misa will forget everything, and I’ll overstay my welcome. I won’t be able to stay here for more than three days.”

The detective wondered how he hadn’t figured out the loophole. “I have read the notebook. I know all the rules, and ways around them. Just stay for three, leave for one, and come back. Rinse and repeat. That’ll work, correct? As for Light-kun and Misa-san, I have it all figured out. You can even stick around for my pregnancy, and get some answers…”

L watched the supernatural creature ponder, hoping his proposal worked. Finally, Ryuk threw up his hands, said “Why not?!”, and bent down to his level. “It’s a deal, Elly.”

L smiled softly. “I’ll put in an order for a boatload of apples as soon as this is over, Ryuk-san.”

Midnight, November 7

Light had spent the night tossing and turning, still trying to salvage some of his burned-down plans.

L could be killed by mundane means, but the already-paranoid insomniac had gotten even more distrustful around him in the wake of his pregnancy, never allowing himself to be in a room with him that wasn’t overflowing with security decals. Surveillance that couldn’t be disabled discreetly without shinigami aid. Even if Ryuk is here, can I still pull that off if everyone is aware of his kind now?

It also didn’t help that the cultivated “innocent” image of himself that he’d painstakingly crafted had cracked a bit when his cheating came to light. It wasn’t enough to get the Task Force to seriously consider him a suspect, but he could tell their opinions were no longer as high. Especially Soichiro’s.

His father hadn’t spoken to him since then, and that stung. Even though Light still planned on getting him out of the way eventually, that didn’t mean years’ worth of desire to make him proud instantly vanished. That’s why I wish to make him see my point. Then I won’t have to eliminate him.

He’d assumed that he and L would just keep on playing until one of them finally came out on top. He hadn’t expected the detective to flip the board over and sweep all his pieces aside. L was seemingly just too competitive to quit just before the end. But a new factor came in, and changed everything.

Light really hadn’t processed the fact that L was carrying his children, and felt a sense of detachment. It was easier to think of them as just L’s, since they had been conceived while he wasn’t whole. But there was something clearly supernatural about them, since they went undetected under shinigami eyes. And Light couldn’t help but think the Death Note had something to do with it.

That’s absurd. The Death Note only ends life, it can’t create it.

But that was his only lead, as the sole magical item he had access to.

Whatever. Once I figure a way around this, I won’t have to worry about it anymore.

There was also the matter of Misa. He had no idea how strong her loyalty to him was now, as she was understandably shattered by his affair. There remained a good chance he could seduce her back to his side, but he’d have to get up close to do that, and L certainly wasn’t taking any more chances. Misa proved that she could persevere through torture, so it was unlikely that L would try that again. But if her faith had been shaken badly enough…

Now I really need a Death Note. Misa’s too much of a liability.

If he could get his hands on one of the pages Misa had most likely brought, he could cut the knot, then replace it with ordinary notebook paper before anyone could notice. He’d sneak into the evidence pile to find them. But how was he going to do that with so much suspicion floating around, L’s extensive spying network, and no Ryuk?

You know what? Fuck it. Maybe it’s time I stop being subtle. I can cause a diversion, run off while everyone’s distracted, grab the pages, and write everyone’s names before they can realize what’s happened. I’ll erase the footage afterwards. I don’t need the Task Force anyway. I’ll create a new one, and convince them I’m L.

L still presented a problem, but while his pregnancy may have protected him, it also gave him a weakness. Light had it on good authority that the detective would do anything to protect his children. He was a good fighter, but would have to be careful not to let any hits get to his stomach. One threat of a punch to the gut, and he’d fold. Maybe Light would induce a miscarriage anyway, just so L’s immunity would be waived and things would go right this time.

“Light-o. Got something for you,” a familiar voice sounded.

The window opened, and a blur bolted into the room, pulling out all the cameras and destroying them. It coalesced into the shape of Ryuk. Light jumped in shock. Ryuk reached into his wings and unearthed Misa’s Death Note pages. “I was getting bored of seeing you flounder, so I figured I’d just get what I came back for.”

Light couldn’t stop his grin. This was even better! Now there was no chance of being caught before he could finish writing, as everyone, barring L, was home. L would notice the footage being cut off, but by the time he’d get there he’d be too late.

“You came back?” he asked the shinigami, beginning the process, it now being safe to speak with him.

Ryuk chuckled. “While I enjoyed watching you flop like a fish, I came to watch you eliminate L, and that’s what I’ll get. Also, I need my apples!”

Light laughed maniacally, his pen making bold strokes. He should’ve known that Ryuk’s apple addiction would eventually beckon him back to the plan. “Oh Ryuk, you came at the right time! Kira’s world is not to be denied!”

He got out of bed, having finished with all the names. “I may have hit some snags, but a world truly free of evil is worth it! If anything, L and the Task Force are the ones evil for trying to prevent it! As their God, I cast divine judgment and declare them not worthy of living in the new world! I wish I could’ve gotten them to see my ways, especially my father, but can’t bring a perfect world without getting rid of a few weak links.”

Ryuk looked amused, scratching at his ear. “Yeah, yeah, but can I get my apples now?”

Light walked up to the window, seeing the rotten world he would soon wipe clean. “Soon, Ryuk, but I have won, and no one will stop me! Even L can’t circumvent his death for long if I can cause a miscarriage.”

The death god lifted a claw. “If you’re done with your gloating, can I say something?”

“What is it?”

“Hyuk!”

“That’s not a-”

Light didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, as instantly, a bunch of guards burst into the room, restraining his limbs. A still-alive Task Force followed after them, glares on all their faces. Matsuda in particular looked like he was ready to murder someone. Finally, L strolled in, tossing an apple and catching it.

“Good work, Ryuk-san,” he praised, throwing the fruit at the shinigami. “I know it’s not the fresh ones I promised you, but you’ll get your reward soon enough.”

Ryuk claimed the apple, stuffing it into his mouth. “After this long without, Elly, I’d dig them from the trash if I had to!”

Light shook his head in disbelief, utterly unable to understand how it all had gone wrong so quickly. “H…How?”

“You overlooked a few things, Light-kun,” L explained, hands in his pockets. “You didn’t think that Ryuk-san would decide to show himself to us after we touched the pages. You also didn’t think that we might offer him a better deal, one that’s enough to get him to go along with the plan to expose you. Now ordinarily, you might have anticipated all that. But as you’ve been thrown off-balance by your recent failure to kill me, you’re getting desperate, and so missing crucial pieces of the puzzle. We figured that if you thought you were safe, you’d waste no time monologuing about your intentions, because your narcissism demands it. And Ryuk-san provided the perfect in.”

On cue, Ryuk revealed a tiny camera that had been hidden underneath his ripped leathery collar, the black cloth enabling it to blend in. Light shook as he remembered that Ryuk had entered through the window instead of just phasing in. He’d thought it had been because of the pages.

L went over to the bed, and picked up the pages. “And these? Fake. You’d probably been able to tell the difference if you’d looked harder. But no, you were so certain of victory that you didn’t think to check.” He handed the papers over to the Task Force, each aghast to find their own names written in.

“You…you were going to murder us?” Aizawa demanded, face white.

Mogi snarled, his usual calm demeanor dark with rage. “We've been working with Kira this whole time! L was right all along!”

“We vouched for your innocence!” Matsuda cried, angry tears spilling out. “None of us believed you’d do such horrible things! And to find out you were going to kill us, including your father?! As you’ve done to countless others?! Even worse, you were going to kill Ryuzaki’s baby!”

Ide was shaking. “All for just being in your way? Light…that’s evil.”

Soichiro was deathly calm. “Light…it breaks me to find you were Kira. You tarnished the concept of justice.”

Light lunged forward, only being prevented from doing so by the guards. “Justice?! I’ve seen the world, Dad! It was rotten to the core! It needed justice, and that’s what I gave it! Since no one else was doing anything, I had to! I was chosen!”

Ryuk snorted, cocking his head. “I’ve told you before, Light-o. You ain’t some chosen one. Just a normal human who happened upon the path of the notebook.”

“Justice isn’t perfect, but that’s because the people giving it aren’t perfect either.” Soichiro bowed his head, unwilling to look his son in the eye. “I’m sorry I couldn’t teach you that.”

“We try, but at the end of the day there’s always people we miss,” Mogi added. “All we can do is keep updating the law, making it so more are included.”

“I didn’t join the police to impose my own brand of justice,” Matsuda said. “I did it to help people. Light, I get it, you think I haven’t seen how cruel the world can get? But being even crueler in turn isn’t the way to go.”

“That would make us no better than the criminals we’re supposed to catch,” Ide spoke. “You’ve become even worse, Light.”

Aizawa growled. “Justice requires multiple points of view in order to ensure it’s dished out properly. You only relied on your own narrow view. You really thought you knew better than the police, government, and lawmakers combined? You’d have to be seriously deluded to come to that conclusion.”

L held up a hand. “Enough. Guards, take Light-kun away. Make sure he doesn’t have anything that could be used to escape, and tranquilize him so he can’t try his memory gambit. Gentlemen, please go home. Don’t bother coming in tomorrow. Ryuk-san, go to my room. You’ll find a bowl of apples waiting for you.”

Light suddenly felt a pinch. He collapsed, unable to resist the drowsiness. As he faded from consciousness, he could still see L’s large gray eyes piercing into him.

As soon as everyone was out, L fell to his knees, clutching his abdomen.

Light had been planning to kill his babies.

It didn’t matter they were his own flesh and blood; all they were to him was an obstacle to murdering their carrier. L probably shouldn’t have been so shocked. After all, Soichiro wasn’t immune either.

L was still greatly disturbed by that, and he stroked his belly to comfort himself that yes, they were still there, still alive, and he’d get to see them for the first time in his ultrasound appointment.

You can do this. Light-kun can’t do anything to you, locked up and with no Death Note and no shinigami.

A grumbling interrupted his thoughts. L looked around, then realized it came from him. Late-night cravings have set in.

He chuckled. “Are you really hungry, or did you want me to break out of my spiraling? Already taking care of me, I see. I hope I’ll do as good a job taking care of you both.”

He followed his instincts, eventually finding Ryuk munching apples in his room. Glad to find that there was still one left in the bowl, he took it and ripped out a chunk with his teeth.

“Hey! That was mine!” Ryuk complained.

L grunted, speaking through his mouthful. “Too bad, because the children demand it. I’ll buy you more tomorrow.”

Ryuk pouted, but eventually left. L finished, his need satisfied for now. I don’t know what’ll happen next…but the first step is finding a way to become better. Light-kun can wait.

Light awoke to find himself in a tiny room, no windows, only a door with bars enabling any vision to the world outside. His hands were chained to the wall, long enough for him to access the toilet, sink, and shower. This is even more secluded than the room I stayed in for my isolation.

He was trying to think about literally anything else, other than the burning dumpster pile that was his plan.

He didn’t know what would happen now. He didn’t know why Ryuk hadn’t killed him yet, and by this point, he honestly preferred that over facing his failure.

Things had been going so well…L was set to die, the Task Force would turn to him for leadership in the wake of it, and he’d be free to impose his justice on the world, like a god should. He’d been so blindsided by the unexpected turn of events that he wasn’t able to recuperate before he was finally cornered. L had won the game, by ultimately deciding to stop playing.

Light held a grudging respect for the detective, and if there were any regrets he would have in the event of his death…it would be that there would be no one on his level to compete with anymore. He would have the world, but was that worth it if L wasn’t in it?

Stop. I can’t get sentimental now. L for sure is going to send me to my death, if Ryuk doesn’t get there first. Wait, what if the only reason I’m not dead now is because of the deal they made?

Despite the Kira persona completely overtaking his personality with the return of the memories, there still remained a remnant of his innocent self. That part of him, at first, was easily smothered by the rest, enabling him to go through with the plan to kill L. But L’s survival had strengthened the piece, compounded with the knowledge that he was going to be a father. It was also annoyingly insistent that he was wrong and that his methods weren’t justice, and that L and the babies didn’t deserve to die. It was getting harder and harder to drown it out.

“Light-kun,” an electronic voice sounded from an unseen speaker.

Light looked up. “You’re still calling me that, even though we both know everything between us was fake?”

“It may have been on your end, but your amnesic self certainly wasn’t.”

“He was just a pawn. A sacrifice for the greater good.”

“Oh, I am aware. After all, you were willing to sacrifice our children for the ‘greater good’.” Malice could be sensed through the monotone.

Light didn’t think he’d ever seen L actually angry before. Sure, he’d been scared, annoyed, even sad. But anger was a foreign look for the detective, and it was intimidating.

“You know,” L continued. “The Light-kun I worked with…he understood justice better than you ever could. He was even against some of my actions. Actions I’m sure you wouldn’t have blinked twice at doing.”

“I thought you didn’t care about justice, Ryuzaki.”

“I don’t. But it’s obvious to me that you don’t care, either.”

Light raged, tugging at his chains. “How dare you! Everything I did, it was all for justice!”

“Really?” A humming sound emanated from the speakers. “Then why did you make a whole show of it?”

The brunette gritted his teeth. “I-”

“If this really was just about giving victims justice, you could’ve made it so criminals died by mundane means. An epidemic, drowning, blunt force impact. Even better, you could’ve made them confess their crimes beforehand. You could’ve carried out your crusade that way and no one would be any wiser. But no, you chose heart attacks. Why? Because you wanted people to know someone was behind it. You wanted people to know you had control over their lives, like a dictator. This was just about feeding your ego until it bloated to god-like proportions. A part of you knows this is wrong, otherwise why would you be trying to justify yourself?”

Light stilled, his pride utterly shaken from being dissected. “You don’t get it! This was the only way justice could be served! Ever since I started, crime rates have dropped, something the law couldn’t do!”

“Because you made them fear you,” L stated calmly. “Fear, while an effective way to cull the masses, isn’t a good long-term solution. Because you couldn’t have kept this up forever. Even if you handed over the reins to someone else, they wouldn’t be you, and so are far more likely to be caught in the act. As soon as everyone realizes that a supernatural serial killer isn’t going after them for crimes committed, things will go back to the way it was before. When I make the announcement that Kira has been captured, just watch.”

Light snarled, straining. “I am a god! And gods always have followers! What do you think they’ll do when you make the announcement?”

“I’ll take care of them. Should be easy. And you’re no god. Just an overgrown child who got his hands on too much power.”

“You dare to mock-”

“Yes, I dare. If you are really as godlike as you claim, then why don’t you smite me where I stand? While you’re at it, why are you letting simple chains hold you down? Surely you can break through them easily? In fact, why are you here at all? You wouldn’t let a simple human like myself catch you, correct? I assume since you haven’t done any of these things, you aren’t a god, and instead just as flesh-and-blood as I am.”

The younger Yagami thrashed, the action bringing attention to a slight pain in his upper back. Using the sink’s mirror, he took a look, and found a tiny red dot, swollen.

“If you’re wondering what that is, I inserted a small piece of the Death Note into you. I figured it could survive your body’s inner environment. That way, you can’t try to erase your memories, since you’re always touching it. Misa-san has had the same done to her.”

Damn it.

He heard a sigh and L sounded sad. “A part of me wishes that you stayed amnesic. It was some of the best times of my life. But that would’ve been a lie. It’s better that you’re back, and I can begin my new plans.”

Plans? What is he doing now?

“I convinced Ryuk-san to hold off on writing your name, and if everything goes well, he shouldn’t for a long time. You see, I promised him new entertainment, a game for you. I will be heading back to England when this case wraps up, and you’re coming with me.”

The teen’s head snapped up. “What?! Didn’t you say you were going to execute me when you caught me?”

“That was before I knew it was you. Honestly, Light-kun…your talents could be used to improve the world. Such a shame you’ve poured them into pursuing your twisted sense of justice…but that could change.”

I don’t like this, but it looks like I’ll have no choice but to hear him out. He may be my only chance at life.

“Now, I could just stick to my word and send you off to your execution. That would be justice for your victims. But…I feel that would be going too easy on you. You’d escape, not knowing the true weight of your actions. So instead, I offer this: come help me with my cases.”

That doesn’t sound too bad…

“Of course, you’ll have to be monitored at all times, as I don’t trust you not to try something. I probably shouldn’t even be around you in my condition, but alas, I’m the only one who can predict you. You’ll also have to confess everything. You’ll be taken to the most secure place in the country: the orphanage where I grew up.”

“What’s the game in this, Ryuzaki?” Light demanded.

“Solve a case before I can, and you’ll earn a reward of your choice, within bounds. Do that enough times and a restriction will be removed. You may get your freedom one day. Is that clear?”

Light huffed. He could do that no problem! He could get out in no time! I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish, L, but it’s not going to work.

Besides, boredom would set in quickly, and he’d rather have something to do during his sentence. L’s giving us a chance to redeem ourselves! his innocent self claimed.

No. It’s a chance to study L closely, and figure out his motivation. Because I don’t buy his excuse for not sending me to my execution.

“Alright, Ryuzaki,” Light put on a charming grin. “I’ll accept your deal.”

Misa struggled against her chains, unaware that Light was in a similar situation. At least I’m not being tortured this time.

Why hadn’t Light gotten her out yet? Surely he’d vouched for her release, but instead, shortly after L’s exit, she’d been taken to this room and left alone ever since. Even Ryuk hadn’t popped in.

It was only pointing towards the horrible, horrible possibility that L was telling the truth for once, and Light had indeed cheated on her. Why? I told him I would kill anybody he went out with that wasn’t me.

She still had doubts that L was pregnant, though. Her shinigami eyes would’ve detected such a thing, and after all, the only babies Light would conceive were with her!

That is, before everything…

Misa ultimately decided to just trust her boyfriend. He was perfect, and L was just trying to turn her against him. Still, how was L alive…?

“Misa Amane. You are being held here on charges of being the Second Kira,” L’s warped voice sounded.

What?! How could that be? Light should’ve made it so she was in the clear!

“The pages of the Death Note you brought with you provided sufficient proof. Not exactly the smartest idea.”

Okay, that was a fumble. Still, Light wouldn’t want her to admit it, so she’d stay quiet. “You can’t make me talk!”

“I know I can’t. So instead, as part of his parole, I’ll have Light-kun tell me everything.” Light was caught?! That was impossible; he was perfect!

“But Light’s innocent!”

“I knew from the beginning he wasn’t, and he has finally been captured. Don’t worry, I won’t kill him. I’ll have him working for me instead. But I forbid any contact.”

“That’s…that’s not fair!”

“I apologize, Misa-san, but I can’t risk you falling under his spell. You too can work for me, but I have something different in mind.”

Misa, stewing over her predicament, pouted. “I won’t unless I get to see Light!”

“Misa-san, if you refuse to cooperate, your only other option is execution. You have a lot to answer for, and I’d rather you give to the world instead of taking from it.”

Execution?! I’m too young to die!

“Also,” L added. “My option offers the possibility of seeing Light again one day. Better than nothing, correct?”

Yes, yes! “Alright, Ryuzaki, what do I have to do?”

“During your infiltration into Yotsuba, I saw potential in how you conducted yourself. I imagine that Kira’s capture will result in some fanatics attempting retaliation. You are a known Kira supporter, so I want you to be my eyes in Japan, and weed out any of these groups. Lie to me and you’ll die. If Light does well enough in his parole, he’ll be offered the option of seeing you again. Sound fair?”

Misa pondered. Sure, it wasn’t fair that she had to help tear down all the hard work she and Light had done, but someday they could be together again, and that was what mattered. Maybe they could even start anew. “Deal.”

L clicked the microphone off and sighed, grabbing an apple from the bowl and biting it. He knew everyone would be questioning why he was letting the Kiras live, and while he already had excuses prepared, truthfully, his reasons were more personal.

In Misa’s case, while she was a skilled actress that would prove useful in infiltrating pro-Kira groups, he wanted her to have another shot at life. She would’ve been much better off had she never met Light, so he would let her experience that.

Shinigami eyes…was that what she was going to say? If Ryuk-san couldn’t sense my pregnancy, then it’s possible she couldn’t, either.

She would also be doing the world a service by helping to take down the cults she had a hand in starting, and that was justice. Sure, killing her would avenge her victims, but wouldn’t it be better if she fixed what she’d done so it would never happen to anyone else? I’ve never gotten this close personally with any of my suspects. Misa-san, at least while she was mindwiped, was a friend, and maybe that’s why I don’t want her to die.

Who knew? Maybe her parole would provide her some perspective of the reality of Kira’s actions, without Light whispering in her ear.

As for Light, that was a bit more complicated. L truly didn’t know where they stood, and despite all he’d done, the detective couldn’t bring himself to hate him. Partly because he knew it’d be hypocritical.

Maybe…maybe he was hoping the Light without Kira’s taint was still there somewhere, and with the Death Notes due to be burned, perhaps he’d return, without them there to tempt him. L had caught a glimpse of the man Light had the potential to be, and he was determined to bring him back out. Because dammit, that Light was his friend. It may have been a fib at the time, another one of the lies he told to get his suspects to drop their guard, but it gradually morphed into a truth.

L nearly didn’t go through with the implantation. It would be so easy, a good Light within his grasp, and maybe everything would be okay.

But that wouldn’t be fair. Not to Kira’s victims and not to Light himself. L couldn’t pretend the murder spree didn’t happen, so he wouldn’t allow Light to forget it, either. Funny. Usually, I have no problem lying to people…but in this case, I can’t bring myself to.

By Light bringing justice the right way, he’d be giving back to the world he took so much from, and would maybe learn a few valuable lessons on the way.

The cold, logical part of L insisted that the innocent Light died the moment he touched the notebook, and Kira was all there was left. But for the first time in his life, L was inclined to listen to his optimistic thoughts. I never thought I’d get a happy ending, and I was resigned to that fact. But maybe that can change.

“Hey!” Ryuk’s head appeared through the wall. “Are you eating my apples again?”

Taking a final munch, L tossed the core into a nearby disposal bin. “They were bought with my money, so I’m not stealing anything. I’ll just put in an order for more.”

“What happened to all your sweets? Thought you were fond of those.”

“I still have them…but lately all I want to eat is apples. It’s a common pregnancy symptom, craving a particular food.”

“Why couldn’t you have craved anything else? I need my fix!”

L snorted, opening up a new tab in his laptop and placing an order for two bushels of apples. “Don’t know why I want apples specifically, but how about this: One pile for you, the other for me. Is that reasonable?”

“As long as you aren’t taking from my stash, sure!”

Ryuk floated next to him, chains jingling. “You think Light-o will entertain me?”

“Watching him trying to catch up to me while hiding nefarious intentions? Of course.”

“So you think he’ll have something up his sleeve?”

“It’s Light-kun; do I need to add more?”

“Fair. If so, why are you letting him get so close to you? I’m not complaining, just curious.”

“That’s…complicated,” L admitted. “Common sense says I shouldn’t, but I don’t want to listen. ‘I’m the only one who can predict him?’ My successors would be sufficient at that. Emotions are shouting louder, and I’m not used to it.”

Ryuk didn’t seem bothered by the cryptic response, only looking more intrigued. “You were right; this is going to be interesting.”

L shrugged, getting up to fetch tea. Suddenly he hunched over, a nauseous feeling bubbling in his stomach. Oh no.

Ryuk watched L’s face turn even paler, his eyes widening. His hand clutched at his mouth as he made a run for it, racing to the nearest bathroom.

The shinigami followed, reaching the door just in time to hear retching sounds. He cringed at the noise. If he had a digestive system, he probably would’ve thrown up too.

When it finally stopped, there was a flushing and L emerged, wiping at his lips. “Let me guess: the babies caused that?” Ryuk inquired.

L nodded. “Morning sickness.”

“But…it’s not even morning.”

“Doesn’t matter. Contrary to what the name may suggest, morning sickness can strike at any time. The beginning of the day happens to be the most common occurrence for most people.”

“What a waste of an apple,” Ryuk bemoaned. “Why do humans suffer just to bring new life?”

L seemed deep in thought. “That’s…it, I guess. They want to bring life into the world.”

“Won’t they just suffer, though? Light-o did have a point in how rotten the world is.” Even though it’s fun for me.

“I’m very well aware. I wouldn’t be a good detective if I wasn’t,” L bit his thumb. “Even knowing all that…I’m motivated to make it a little better for my children. I can’t prevent suffering, but I can lessen it.”

Ryuk was still confused. Humans were as interesting as they were confuddling. Was this one of those human concepts he had trouble grasping? After all, no matter how much improvement was made, there would always be evil in the world.

L looked up. “Would you like to come to my ultrasound appointment?”

“What’s that?”

“The doctor will capture footage of the embryos in order to check on how they’re doing. It’s a pivotal moment in one’s pregnancy. I know you’ve already seen them, but maybe you can try looking at them from a human’s perspective? Maybe you’ll understand then.”

Ryuk pondered over it. He’d seen plenty of death throughout his existence. It was in the job description. But he’d never followed a birth.

Whatever. It looked like he would be here for the long haul, and he intended to see this through. “Sure, Elly. I can come see how your babies are doing.”

Chapter Text

The next day, the news of Kira’s capture rocked the world.

The streets of Japan were alive, confetti and flowers raining everywhere. Parades were set up on the spot, people laughing and crying as the serial killer’s hold was finally broken. Reporters ate up the scene and gathered interviews detailing specific peoples’ reactions. Even workplaces and schools let their occupants have the day off.

There were of course a few protestors, fans of Kira, but they were quickly outnumbered by the celebrators and were forced to abandon their plans. Similar things were happening in the United States, United Kingdom, China, Russia, and just about every country.

But in the Yagami household, it was an utter contrast to the party outside.

Sayu hadn’t left her room ever since her father had come home and broke the news. Sachiko was practically a walking ghost, going through the motions of life, but without any intent behind it. Soichiro knew both of them were struggling to reconcile the image of a loving brother and son, to that of a sadistic murderer, because he was going through the same.

Is it my fault?

Children always learned from their parents, and so Soichiro was wondering if he had any role to play in Light’s descent. He taught Light everything he knew about justice, or so he thought, after all. Maybe if I’d been home more often, I would’ve been able to spot the warning signs. Because of his work, the elder Yagami wasn’t at home as much as he would’ve liked, so he barely saw Light. The most time they’d ever spent together recently was…the Kira Case.

Oh god, it really was his fault, wasn’t it?

When L had gathered the Task Force to detail his plan to expose Light, Soichiro wasn’t keen on it, considering the last time he tried that. But then the detective had given him a piece of paper to touch, and a monster appeared, cackling that L was right and he was going to prove it. Soichiro remained unconvinced, and only Mogi’s vouching got him to go through with it. He would hold true to his conviction, until the moment he saw Light, instead of screaming at the sight of the shinigami, call him by his name, and confirm L’s suspicions.

Light had looked so evil, something that would forever haunt Soichiro’s dreams. And he only had himself to blame.

The only silver lining in all this was that L hadn’t revealed Kira’s identity, ensuring that nobody would be coming after the Yagamis for retribution. It was also for Light’s own protection, so there wouldn’t be any interference in the path of justice.

There was a knock on the door, Sachiko pausing from dusting the table for the third time, and went to get it. L was at the step, slouched and hands in pockets.

“Can I help you?” Sachiko asked.

“I’m Ryuzaki, Yagami-san’s coworker. Is he here?”

Sachiko looked to her husband to confirm, and he nodded. “It’s alright, dear. He can come in.”

L wandered in, kicking his shoes off. “Hello, Yagami-san. How are you doing?”

Soichiro sighed. “Not well. Light’s conviction has hit us all hard.”

“I see.”

L propped himself in an armchair in his usual position, Soichiro not having the energy to tell him to keep his feet off the furniture. “Do they know about the other development?”

“No,” the policeman shook his head. “I was waiting for Light to be home so we could discuss it as a family, but then all this happened…and well, it didn't seem like a good time to tell them then. I also wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with it.”

Sachiko poked her head in. “Ryuzaki-san, would you like matcha tea? I would have more options, but we weren’t expecting guests.”

“Matcha tea is fine, thank you,” L answered.

When she left, he turned back to her spouse. “It’s okay to tell them, Yagami-san. I’m carrying the newest members of the family after all. I think they could use something else to focus on.”

“Yes…” Soichiro agreed. “Wait…members?”

“Oh, right,” the wild-haired man said. “Ryuk-san told me I’m expecting twins.”

“Oh,” Soichiro uttered, dumbfounded. “That’s a surprise.”

“I didn’t believe it either, considering how improbable that is,” L sighed. “But no matter. Yagami-san, I know that views on bastards aren’t favorable here, but don’t worry. I’ll raise them in England, where that type of scrutiny is more rare, and I can arrange for you and your family to visit at any time. Even if they’ll never know their father, they can at least know his side of the family.”

“You’d do that?” Soichiro inquired.

“It’s the least I can do after all I’ve put you through. I believe I understand you better now, considering I’m going to be a parent myself.”

Sachiko emerged, holding a teapot, cups, and a bowl of sugar cubes. “Sachiko, can you stay here?” Soichiro requested. “There’s something you need to know. Sayu as well.”

She put down the tray. “Of course. Sayu, can you come down?! It’s important!”

The Yagami daughter trudged down the steps, hair messy and still in her pajamas. Dried tear tracks ran down her face. She got a confused look at the sight of the unfamiliar man in the house.

“Sayu,” Soichiro gestured to L. “This is Ryuzaki-san, my coworker whom I’ve told you about. He’s going to tell us something very important.”

“Hi,” Sayu greeted softly, voice scratchy.

L closed his eyes, breathing in deep. “Before…all this, in the midst of the investigation, Light-kun and I…we had a fling. I know that’s wrong, but it had consequences. Namely, I’m pregnant with his child.”

Sachiko and Sayu both gasped at the bombshell just dropped. “But…wasn’t Light seeing Misa-san?” the former asked.

L nodded. “He was. I won’t bother offering any excuses of why we did it, because it won’t change anything, and I’m still not certain myself. But you all should know.”

Sayu’s eyes glanced at his stomach. “Are you…one of those people whose biological gender doesn’t match their preferred one?”

“Yes. The term is transgender.”

“Oh. I’ve heard of people like that around school, but I’ve never met an actual one,” she said quietly.

Sayu sat on the couch next to her father. “What’s going to happen to Light?”

“He’ll be working for me,” L stated. He took the teapot and poured himself a cup. “He chose that instead of execution. Whatever happens next…it’s up to him.”

“What do you mean?” Sachiko wondered, taking a seat herself.

Adding sugar to his tea, L took a sip. He winced, grimaced as he swallowed, and set it back down. “Provided he follows the rules, Light-kun will be rewarded with some freedoms. If he doesn’t, I’ll take them back, and he’ll be executed if he tries to kill anyone. But…if he can prove himself, I’ll release him.”

“Weren’t you going to kill Kira?” Sayu inquired.

L tensed, taking a shuddering breath. “Light-kun’s intelligence is too much of a boon to pass up, so I figured he could use it to bring actual justice instead of the twisted kind he was inflicting. Isn’t that an appropriate punishment?”

Soichiro found himself agreeing. Maybe this is the only way you’ll learn, Light.

Sachiko looked as though she would burst into tears at the mention of her son. “I apologize for Light’s actions, Ryuzaki-san. We thought we’d raised him better than this.”

“Maybe none of this would’ve happened if I’d screwed his head on right,” Soichiro sighed.

“Don’t blame yourself, Yagami-san,” L said gently. “Light-kun is a master of illusion, and so you couldn’t have known. I understand why you didn’t believe me.”

“I think a part of me did, but I couldn’t bring myself to fully buy it. Because only someone as smart as you could pull off all those maneuvers, and Light was the only one who fit that profile. But still, you’re not the World’s Greatest Detective for nothing, so I should’ve given your claims more credit.”

“Nothing we can do about it now,” the detective got up. “I should be going. The Kira Case still has loose ends to tie up.”

“Wait!” Sachiko exclaimed. “If you ever need someone to talk to about your pregnancy…I’m here. I’ve been through it twice; I know how to deal with it. I can even send you a care package.”

“Thank you,” L smiled. “I’ll be sure to send the ultrasound photos.”

“If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, we’re here,” Soichiro added. “Light may not support you, but we will.”

“Yeah!” Sayu voiced. “I’ll be the best aunt!”

L looked slightly overwhelmed. Like he’s not used to that much support.

“I’ll…think about it,” he finally spoke. “Goodbye, Yagami-san.”

The eccentric man disappeared through the doorway. The Yagamis may be broken, but at least they had something else to focus on.

November 12

“Hello, Ryuzaki-san!” A different doctor this time, greeted. “Are you excited for your first ultrasound?”

L shrugged, crouched in the middle of the examination table. “I…don’t know.”

“That’s alright; doesn’t feel real until you see them with your own eyes, huh?” The doctor booted up the machine. “Did you refrain from using the bathroom today?”

“I did as instructed.”

“Good. As you’re still very early in your pregnancy, the embryo will be harder to find. Having all that extra fluid will help the sound waves make clearer images. That’s also why we’ll be doing a transvaginal ultrasound. That won’t be a problem once you’re further along.”

Ryuk, only visible to L, whispered, “I can see your babies with just a look. You humans have bad vision.”

L had to stop himself from smirking at the comment, knowing they could only talk once the appointment was over with. But you can’t take a picture of it.

“It says in your files that you barely had any symptoms. Are you experiencing any now?” the doctor asked.

L snorted. “Oh, definitely. I’ve vomited an average of twice per day, I can’t stop eating apples, I get migraines, and I have a sudden aversion to sugar.” Worst thing about pregnancy.

“Typical first-trimester symptoms, and I expect that mood swings will be thrown in at some point. But those should ease up when you hit your second.”

The detective was horrified at the thought of no more sugar for a while, and he was shocked to feel build-up in his tear ducts. No, not now.

L was used to his body following his whims, so it doing its own thing, a slave to hormones, was extremely disorienting. Overnight, it had decided to go against him, and he was helpless to do anything about it.

“Are you alright?” The medical professional inquired. Ryuk looked interested.

L shook from his thoughts, only now registering the feeling of wetness on his cheeks. Dammit. I let myself give in.

He wiped at the tears. “Sorry. I shouldn’t be upset right now.”

“It’s okay, Ryuzaki-san. You’ll find that in pregnancy, you don’t need a valid reason to be upset.”

She held up the wand. “Shall we get started?”

L nodded, switching to a lying position. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Good. I’ll need to access your cervix, so can you remove your lower layers?”

L glanced at Ryuk, who sighed. “What’s the big deal? Nothing I haven’t seen before. You humans used to run around naked all the time! When did you all get so self-conscious?”

Self-conscious? Am I? I suppose…I’m not used to revealing myself so freely to others, given what I am. Light-kun…you were the first to get that privilege. I didn’t have a choice when it came to Watari and Roger.

The doctor had a sympathetic look on her face. “You’re not the first who’s gotten shy when it comes to this part. Just know that it’s standard procedure, and no one will see anything except me.” Excluding the shinigami.

L swallowed a lump down his throat, closed his eyes, and shoved down his jeans as fast as he could. He lay back, covering himself with his hands on instinct.

The sonographer didn’t comment on it at all, instead gently coaxing his hands away in preparation. “This might be uncomfortable, so just relax, okay?”

She inserted the device in, L cringing at the strange sensation. This is different from Light-kun’s penetration.

Ryuk seemed mildly disturbed at the scene. “Eugh…medical procedures are gross!”

Vibrations rippled throughout the detective, as the screen attached to the wand began to flicker. Distracted from what was happening below, L jerked his head towards it. I’m about to see them. My children.

On the black screen, grainy footage appeared. A tadpole-shaped thing pulsed, attached to a thin cord. L’s lip trembled, the tears threatening to come out. Damn hormones. I’ve known their existence for a week, yet there’s something about this moment that’s…real.

“There’s your baby!” the doctor cheered, zooming in on certain parts. “There’s the eyes, beginnings of arms and legs, and you see that darker mass? That’s the heart, and it’s beating!”

L stared in wonder, his eyes shining. “That’s…that’s inside me.” He placed a hand on his abdomen.

The medical professional switched to another area of the womb, revealing another occupant. “You see that? You’re having twins.”

Even knowing that tidbit in advance, L couldn’t stop himself from sniffling. I’m letting emotions get me worked up. But I don’t care. Because they’re worth every tear.

He snuck a peek at the shinigami, only to see him gawking, looking as though he’d discovered another piece of the humanity puzzle.

When the woman in the white coat had pulled up the images from L’s uterus, Ryuk almost laughed at the hilariously bad quality. He could get a much better view without such disgusting means, and in color, to boot!

But L had looked at the footage in a way that reminded him of Gelus seeing Misa for the first time: like he’d stumbled upon a whole new world.

Ryuk hadn’t really understood it. How could he, when loving humans meant being turned to ashes? Why had Gelus accepted his fate? Misa would die anyway; it made no difference whether it was now or forty years down the line.

What was it that Elly suggested? See it from a human’s perspective? Alright…might be fun pretending I’m a defenseless meat sack.

He closed his eyes, trying to picture it. No lifespans, no Death Notes that could extend his life, no intangibility, no restrictions.

What would he do if he suddenly found himself in L’s situation?

His first thought was, well, what’s the point of keeping them around now that there’s no rule forbidding their death? I can just dispose of them and move on. Better than dealing with the side effects.

But that still didn’t explain L’s choice to carry on. He said he’d make a better world for them. But I doubt he can do that. Then why…

Ryuk then remembered his own reasons for sticking around. Elly’s babies make everything so interesting, and they’re not even out yet! I wonder how much better it’ll be once that happens…

Lightning struck the shinigami, eyes widening in realization. Does Elly want to know, too?

The doctor removed the device, earning her a glare from Ryuk. “Now that I know what we’re dealing with, we need to discuss plans from here on out.”

L nodded, putting his clothes back on. “I’m all ears.”

“I would like you to continue your visits every two weeks, just to make sure the babies are following the typical growth pattern and your pre-existing conditions aren’t affecting them. A twin pregnancy is considered full-term at thirty-six weeks, so your expected due date is in June, but you’ll likely give birth earlier than that. Still, I want you to get as close to that as possible.”

The detective switched to his usual position, nibbling his thumb. “I will do anything to ensure their wellbeing.”

“About the birth itself, my professional opinion is that a cesarean is your best option. Your body type is too narrow to allow the babies to pass through safely.”

Ryuk didn’t know what a cesarean was, but if it would enable L to pop the babies out, then he supposed it wasn’t a bad thing.

L shrugged. “The thought of pushing them out naturally wasn’t appealing, anyway. I’ll get it set up.”

The doctor began gathering some documents around. “Ryuzaki-san, I’m handing you a list of new prescriptions, and expect pictures from the ultrasound soon. Keep doing everything you’ve been doing, and I hope all goes well.”

L smiled. “Thank you.”

Later, as they were leaving the hospital, Ryuk turned to his new human. “Elly, what’s a cesarean?”

“It’s a procedure that cuts the infant out of the womb,” L answered. “Done in the case that giving birth naturally isn’t safe for all involved.”

“Isn’t it dangerous, anyway? I don’t know much about the process, but I do know it caused a lot of deaths.”

“Historically, and still in some areas, yes. But medical advances have dwindled the mortality rates drastically. I have a greater chance of dying at Light-kun’s hands than I do in childbirth.”

“So…almost none, then.”

“Precisely. Ryuk-san, did you glean anything from the appointment?”

“Oh!” the shinigami grinned wider. “I’m here because the babies are interesting! Is it the same for you? I can’t think why else you might be going through with this. I went without apples for months for Light-o’s plans, and that sucked.”

“I wouldn’t use ‘interesting’,” L pulled out his phone, sending a text. “I don’t really know how to describe it. Something about seeing life inside you…it’s wonderful. I never understood its value…but now I can see it. I can’t change the world, but I can make it a bit more bearable, so they’ll understand, too. The nausea, cravings, fatigue…they’re just signs of something beautiful growing.”

“I never understood, either,” Ryuk admitted. “All it was to me was something to be stolen, just so I could continue my own empty existence.”

“I felt the same way. The emptiness, I mean. But ever since the Kira Case, I haven’t felt quite as hollow. Is your life empty now, Ryuk-san?”

Ryuk was startled. L was just full of surprises! “No…I guess not. You and Light-o fill the void.”

“To put it this way, the children motivate me to make sure the void stays full. No more playing games that will inevitably end. Letting the world bowl them over means they won’t be ‘interesting’. Is that clear to you?”

Ryuk nodded, bobbing up and down. “I’m glad I chose you, Elly.”

Winchester, England

Deep in the midst of an English forest, acres and acres of untouched land presided. At the very middle stood a tall structure, a beast of a mansion, surrounded by iron fences.

It was where the next generation of genii were cultivated, not that it might be known on sight, given what its occupants were doing.

“How do I look?” a redheaded teenage boy with goggles asked, emerging from the bathroom.

A black-clad blonde of similar age hummed, a bar of half-eaten chocolate in his pocket. “That…suits you, surprisingly.”

“While I fail to see how dying one’s hair is conducive to our education, I admit it’s not a bad look, Matt,” commented a younger boy with pale white hair, garbed in pajamas. He was sitting on the ground, playing a game of jacks.

“No one asked you, Near!” the blonde, Mello, scowled.

“Matt did not specify who he was speaking with.”

“He’s my friend! Who else could’ve it been?”

Matt sighed. “Guys, can you chill, please?”

Near shrugged and returned to his activity. Mello snarled, digging out his chocolate bar and snapping off a piece with his mouth. “Fine.”

It was then the acting manager of Wammy’s, Roger, poked his head through the door. “Near, Mello, can you two come to my office, please? L has a message for you.”

At the mention of his role model, Mello had to resist the urge to squeal. L wanted to speak to him!

He’d never had a direct conversation with the detective, but the few interactions they did have, he treasured. After all, he was going to take over one day if he could prove himself. Which was ridiculous, of course L had to choose him! He would certainly make a better L than Near, who didn’t even know how to talk to people.

He had been following the Kira Case, and even though everyone around the world had their doubts that L would catch the killer, the second heir never lost faith. And he was happy to be vindicated.

Is L finally going to choose someone to take the mantle?

“Let’s go,” Near beckoned, gathering his toys and setting them on the dresser, sauntering out the door. Mello bared his teeth, but ultimately obeyed.

Once they were in Roger’s office, the old man placed a laptop on his desk, L’s gothic symbol showing. As the boys were situated, a voice started speaking. “Near, Mello. I trust that you have been taking notes during the duration of the Kira Case?”

“Of course!” the blonde exclaimed. “I did everything!”

Near gave a simple nod. “I believed it was in our best interest.”

“Good. Now, I have news to share. Firstly, I will be returning to Wammy’s for the foreseeable future.”

Mello was shocked, and judging by the almost-imperceptible slight widening of Near’s eyes, so was he. Roger practically jumped out his chair. Usually, when L finished a case, he would move on to the next one, never staying in one place for long. There was a reason none of the kids knew what he looked like, as he was never there.

“And Kira will be with me.”

If the previous news didn’t give Roger a stroke, it was a wonder he didn’t fall dead on the spot now. “L, are you sure that’s wise? What happened to your promise of execution?”

There was a beat, and Mello got the feeling that was far from the first time he’d been questioned that. “It’s like with Wedy and Aiber; I recruited him to help me with cases. Don’t worry, his means of killing has been removed, and I made sure he won’t regain access.”

“He was still able to evade you for a while, L, a feat few can claim.”

“That’s why I’m pulling out every measure to keep us all safe. He also had outside help, a factor I couldn’t account for, but it has since been taken care of. I have it all handled.”

Roger sucked in a breath. “Alright…I’ll trust you. When can we expect you back?”

Mello found himself getting excited. Maybe he’d get to meet his idol this time, in person!

There were crunching sounds in the audio. When it finished, L resumed talking. “A week is my estimate. It depends on how fast I can wrap the case up, which given how extensive it was, it’s going to take a while. There’s things I would like to have ready by my arrival. Roger, I need you to arrange a funeral. Watari…sadly lost his life in the pursuit.”

Roger drooped visibly. “I see…that’s why all the data was deleted. It was good you called to let me know you were alive.”

Mello remembered the elderly man who had always served as L’s proxy, and the owner of the whole place. He shut his eyes.

“That’s too bad,” Near remarked. “Watari was a good man.”

“Also,” L added. “I’ll need an obstetrician.”

Mello pondered how he wasn’t getting a heart attack from all the mood whiplashes. Out of all the things L could request, that was the randomest thing he’d ever heard. Near looked unfazed by the bombshells.

“Why do you need an obstetrician?” Roger demanded, his brow crinkling.

“I am pregnant.”

It was as if the world had stopped at that moment. All three occupants in the room struggled to get their thoughts together.

“What the fuck?!” Mello yelled. Was L a girl this whole time?!

“Interesting,” Near said. “Do you happen to be transgender?”

“L, you can’t be serious!” Roger pinched the bridge of his nose. “You wouldn’t do…that!”

“I am completely serious. Yes Near, I am transgender. I didn’t think so either, but it happened anyway. I’m keeping them, by the way.”

The manager groaned. “L…you should know your child will only get in the way of your work. Why didn’t you abort?”

“Roger…” L didn’t stray from his monotone, but a bit of anger could be detected. “My reasons are my own. I’ll figure it out.”

“Are you going to replace us?” the older boy asked, terrified of the possibility. He’d been trained his whole life to take over L’s mantle; who was he without that? He’d never questioned L’s choices before, but right now, he felt himself threatening to shatter.

“No,” the reclusive detective answered. “My child will not replace you. You shall continue on with your studies.”

Mello relaxed, relieved. Near nodded. “Why would he replace us? We don’t know what the child will be like.”

Roger slumped, defeated. “I’ll get you an obstetrician. But I still don’t like this.”

“One more thing: get a bank vault’s worth of apples. I’ll tell you why when I get here.” Never mind. That’s the weirdest request.

Roger picked up his phone. “It will be done.”

“Good. Until then.” With that, L’s moniker disappeared, leaving a black screen.

“You boys are dismissed,” Roger sighed, starting to make arrangements for everything L had requested.

Mello and Near left, mulling over the revelations gained from that conversation. Matt bounded over, wrapping an arm around the former. “Hey. I eavesdropped on your chat. I know everything.”

“I could tell,” Near stated. “You shouldn’t have done that. There’s a reason why only Mello and I were told.”

Matt raised up his hands. “I ain’t gonna tell anybody. Still, I wonder how L got knocked up.”

“Shh!” Mello shushed. “Not out here, Matt.” Even though I’m pondering the same.

“Even so, L has his reasons, and I’m choosing to trust that,” Near spoke, going back to his room. “It’ll be his choice if he decides to let us in. I won’t force any more out of him than he’s already said.”

Once the younger boy was gone, the two older ones were left standing there. “So…I’m going to play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. You want to watch?” the third successor asked his friend.

Mello shrugged. “Sure.”

I know I shouldn’t, but if I don’t satiate my curiosity, it’s going to nag at me. L…just how did you become pregnant, and who’s the father? I’ll find out, one way or the other.

As Matt set up the game, a cigarette leaving smoky trails, Mello fixated on his goal, different from his everlasting determination to defeat Near. (Okay, maybe it wasn’t. Namely, he’d get to know something about L that Near didn’t.)

He was going to figure out the circumstances of L’s mysterious pregnancy.

Also…why does he need all those apples?

Misa took a walk through the streets of Tokyo, sunglasses and a black wig disguising her well-known appearance. The days-long partying had finally dwindled, leaving stray streamers and confetti littering the roads and sidewalks. A few stragglers were still out, but they were confined to the bars and rooftops, drinking shot after shot.

She didn’t say it out loud, but deep down, she was hurt at the realization just how hated Kira was. It had been hidden by fear, but now that there wasn’t going to be retaliation, the people freely expressed their opinions.

But we were cleansing the world. We were doing good…weren’t we?

At least, that’s what Light was doing. He made sure her parents’ murderer got justice, so surely he was just doing the same for other people! The people who never got closure, their tormentor allowed to walk free, the law failing them.

Now that the “Hooray, Kira’s gone!” celebrations had mostly ceased, it was prime time for pro-Kira groups to start making their moves. L had released her from her cell with this in mind, and she was told to start listening for whispers. The accessories were so she didn’t get instantly mobbed, although someone may be able to still see through it with some introspection.

“That’s what I’m counting on,” L had explained. “I imagine that Kira supporters will want someone with clout to help them, and you fit the profile. When they come out after the streets are clear, you’ll be easily noticeable. And that’s when they’ll walk into my trap.”

He’d also had her transfer ownership of the notebook to him as part of the condition, and she was surprised that her memories didn’t get instantly wiped. That’s when he’d informed her of the impromptu mini surgery done while she was asleep. She did lose her shinigami eyes, though.

Pervert.

Misa had started ducking into alleyways and the like, because she knew that the type of gossip she was looking for wouldn’t be discussed out in the open. But now, that probably wasn’t the smartest idea. She was so used to being protected, that now a knife being pressed under her chin and an arm wrapped around her midsection, trapping her, didn’t immediately register. Once it did, fight or flight mode kicked in.

She shrieked, her legs flailing. “Help!”

“Man, I’ve missed this!” the man laughed. “I’ve had to restrain myself so I didn’t get a heart attack out of nowhere, but now Kira’s been caught! It’s open season!”

His hot breath tickled Misa’s ear, making her shiver. “Get away from me, you criminal!”

“I don’t think so, girlie,” he responded. His blade dug into her skin, cutting it. “It’s been too long since I’ve had any fun, and no one is going to stop me!”

“Stop!” a new voice shouted, and a foot slammed into the thug’s groin. A high-pitch scream rang out, and his legs crumpled. Another blow jabbed him in the neck, and he went down like a sack of potatoes. Misa looked at her savior.

A boy stared back. He was tall, but looked fairly young, maybe even high school-aged. He was holding a hand out to her.

“Are you alright, miss?"

She nodded shakily, accepting it. “Y-Yes. Thank you for saving me.”

“It’s no problem. I heard the commotion and came down to check. Good thing I did, huh? My name's Haru Nagahama.”

They stood around for a few moments. “I’m going to call the police,” Haru said, pulling out his cell. “Feels good to finally get some real justice around here.”

If only I still had the notebook. Then I would’ve been able to deal with him.

“What do you mean?” she asked, careful to keep her tone neutral. “What if he just gets out, free to harm more people?”

“The police are sure to be more careful after Kira’s saga. Because he did have a point in just how many criminals were walking free.”

The young woman nodded. “Yeah, someone who hurt me was loose, and Kira took care of him. Even if it wasn’t…the cleanest method…it still felt like something was being done, you know?” That’s not a lie…just not the whole truth.

Haru sighed. “Still not a good solution, though. My brother got busted on drug possession. He got so stressed out by exam prep, that he turned to prescription medications. When he was caught, all he could say was how sorry I had to see him like that. He got clean while in jail, he was doing so well, looking forward to rejoining the family…and he was found dead in the middle of his cell. Heart attack.”

His fists clenched. “Kira didn’t bother to look further into him. He just saw ‘arrested for drug possession’, and bam! Dead. He didn’t see the man who would come cheer me on in my martial arts tournaments. The man who would help me study for my tests. The man who once spilled paint on himself when I did so I wouldn’t feel left out. He didn’t even look into the reason he started taking drugs in the first place! The worst part…I know there had to be people like him. People who were reforming, only to get their lives snuffed out before they could. That’s not justice.”

He turned, hands in his pockets. “Sorry for dumping that out on you. I just needed someone to talk to. I hope you have a better night from here on out.”

He strolled out of the alleyway, unaware that Misa was contemplating.

He reminded me of myself when my parents died. I never wanted to inflict that pain on another person but…have I?

Chapter Text

“You can’t seriously expect us to believe that Kira used murder notebooks to commit his atrocities!”

L sighed, a tower of jello cups swaying precariously next to him. He was on a call with INTERPOL, using Mogi as his proxy. It pained him that Watari couldn’t do it, which was why he was deflecting Roger’s attempts to usurp the position. But he’d needed someone to act in his place, and the burly policeman had stepped up to the job.

There was a time he would've dismissed such outlandish claims as well, so he couldn’t exactly blame the members. But that didn’t make it any less frustrating.

“Gentlemen,” he started. “I didn’t believe it either. But Kira could kill with only a face and name, with the second only needing the first. And an unprecedented number of heart attacks appearing in only criminals and people working to stop them? I apologize that a more rational explanation doesn’t exist.”

An American representative stood up. “If such a thing does exist, why don’t you show them to us?”

“I’m afraid I cannot do that. They’re simply too dangerous.”

“Awfully convenient that you said that…”

“Um,” spoke a British member. “Maybe we should trust him on this. He did manage to solve the Kira Case, something we thought might be beyond even him. If he says he can’t show the method, then perhaps we should take his word for it.”

“But what are we supposed to tell the public?!” exclaimed a Chinese representative. “As soon as the celebrations die down, everyone’s going to be asking questions! And we already agreed not to reveal Kira’s identity!”

And what a fight that was. So many countries called for Light-kun’s head…I had to convince them my punishment would be worse than death could ever be. To a supposed god like Light-kun, to have made a huge impact on the world and then unceremoniously hidden away and under watch, without getting any credit…that’ll damage him more than execution ever could. Especially if he can’t get out of it. I’ll make sure Kira’s legacy won’t live on.

“Tell them it’s classified,” L told them sternly. “Let them ponder. I can’t imagine anything they’ll come up with will be even close to the truth, anyway.”

“Fine!” the first to have talked snapped. “Case closed, I guess.”

“Thank you for your cooperation,” and with that, he closed the call.

L looked at his stack of gelatin, wishing he could suck up all that squishy goodness. But his stomach roiled at the thought of sugar, so he turned away mournfully and went to order more apples.

Before he left the room, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. Outwardly, he didn’t appear any different. Black mane that looked like it’d never seen a brush in its life. Skin so pale he resembled a ghost. Large grey eyes set in deep bags. Thin as a beanpole. Dressed in a white long-sleeved top and loose jeans.

He lifted his shirt, and a disparity became noticeable. A layer of fat had accumulated around his abdomen, like he’d just eaten a whole cake. The beginnings of stretch marks contrasted heavily with the pallor, marking his skin.

He knew it was coming, his belly starting to swell, but a feeling of wrongness ripped through him, something he hadn’t sensed ever since he transitioned.

I want this. But my body…it doesn’t.

Heavy breaths puffed from the detective, transparent drops sliding down.

I…I need Watari.

Watari had been the one who’d helped him work through his gender dysphoria, so he hadn’t really dealt with it by himself for a long time. But Watari was no longer here. My stomach shouldn’t be bulging. It’s all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong-

His knees bent, his hands clutching at his hair. His heart rate shot up, pounding in his ears. If I wanted this, then why does it feel so wrong?

“Ryuzaki! Ryuzaki, are you okay?”

L’s eyes snapped up, seeing Matsuda’s face looking at him with concern. “What’s wrong, Ryuzaki?”

L’s gasps were too ragged to let any coherent sound come out. Why can’t I breathe?

Matsuda sat down, right there on the floor. “Ryuzaki, I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”

Slowly, the World’s Greatest Detective turned his head over to the rookie cop. “Good. Now, try to slow down your breathing. Copy me, okay?” With that, Matsuda drew in air, taking five seconds, as indicated by his fingers. Then he exhaled it just as slowly, readying himself for another go.

L’s matching breaths were shaky at first, but he managed to get it under control, until he and Matsuda were in sync. “That was perfect, Ryuzaki. Do you want to tell me why you were freaking out?”

L blushed, rather embarrassed to have been seen like that. “You wouldn’t understand. You’ll never have to deal with it.”

“That’s okay!” Matsuda sent him a blinding smile. “As long as I made you feel better, that’s what matters. Anyway, everyone’s here for the burning of the Death Notes. I just came up to get you when you weren’t answering your phone.”

“I see,” L got up, dismantling the excessive security system he’d installed around the notebooks’ location. “Join the others. The burning will commence shortly.”

Matsuda nodded, bounding off. L removed the last of the protection, gathering the three notebooks in his arms.

So much power, all in his hands. He could easily remove anyone from the equation with just a flick of a pen, and no one would be able to do anything about it. Even now, L could feel the pull of temptation, teasing him with the allure. He forced himself forwards, not risking a glance.

And that was exactly why the destruction of the notes was necessary. Light Yagami went from well-intentioned golden boy to sadistic mass murderer. Misa Amane went from being thankful to being full-blown obsessed. Kyosuke Higuchi went from taking others’ companies to taking their lives.

That was the real reason he hadn’t let INTERPOL get their hands on them. International entities weren’t exactly the cleanest sort, and they could end up getting into a fight over which country got to have them, which spelled bad news no matter who won. Kira’s reign of terror would pale in comparison.

The only thing worse would be the scenario of L having them.

If L ever let himself get corrupted…he shuddered to think of what exactly that would entail. He already was prone to toeing on the moral lines, what would happen if the self-control he had was just gone?

It seemed the Death Notes had a way of drawing out their owners’ darkest impulses and amplifying them. The capability to commit all those atrocities had always existed within them, the notebooks just enabled them to go through with them.

And L had no intention of finding out what a Death Note-possessed him would be like. Not even Near and Mello would be able to stop him, as he would’ve taken them out of the equation before they’d ever get the chance.

He came down the stairs, finding the Task Force waiting for him. Ryuk was also there, clinging to the ceiling like a spider.

“Hey Elly!” he waved, an apple in hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to give the Death Note a try?”

“No,” L shut him down. “If I let myself give in one time, I’ll only find it easier and easier to say ‘just one more.'”

Ryuk shrugged. “Ah well. Your loss.” He ate the apple in one bite, licking at his fingers.

Aizawa brought out a metal bucket, while Ide held a lighter and fluid. Grateful to finally drop the damned notebooks, L dumped them unceremoniously into the container, dusting his hands off. “Let’s do this.”

Ide poured the flammable liquid all over the notes. As he did, Soichiro spoke up. “We won’t forget their existence, will we?” he asked.

L shook his head. “Most of you never owned a notebook, just touched one, so the rules don’t apply. As for Matsuda and myself, while we claimed ownership, we never actually did anything with them, so we won’t forget either.”

“What about him, though?” Mogi pointed at the shinigami. “Will we stop seeing him?”

“Nothing will change. The pieces I implanted in Light-kun and Misa-san make it so the notebook won't be completely gone, so none of us will lose anything."

 Ryuk chuckled. “If any of you are worried about me dropping this one, hell no! I am too concerned with my own self-preservation to even think about it!”

“Matsuda,” L addressed the young cop. “Would you like to do the honors?”

“Me?” he gestured to himself, surprised. “Wouldn’t you want to do it? This is your case.”

“I trust you, Matsuda,” L let a tiny smile cross his lips. “And that’s something I don’t give easily.”

A big grin spread around Matsuda’s face, and he nodded. “Of course, Ryuzaki! I’ll make sure your trust is well-placed!”

Ide handed him the lighter and Matsuda held it with a grim determination. He flicked the cap off, igniting a tiny flame. “Goodbye, killer notebooks,” he said, and he knelt down to allow the spark to come in contact with a catalyst.

He jerked his hand back quickly, just in time for a fire to break out of the bucket. The Death Notes wilted underneath the heat and plasma, the edges curling up black.

The flames danced in L’s eyes. Good riddance. The world is already a better place with those gone.

Maybe it’ll enable Light-kun to come to his senses.

The Task Force watched as the instruments of murder turned to ash under the fire. As they died down, Aizawa spoke into the silence. “So…what now? We all quit our jobs for this case.”

“Don’t worry about that,” L pressed his thumb against his lip. “I got you all your old jobs back. With the excellent review I gave you all, expect a promotion sometime soon.”

“Really?!” Matsuda squealed. “You’re too kind, Ryuzaki!”

Aizawa looked stunned. “...thank you.”

L waved off the compliments, turning around. “You all deserved it. Now, it’s time to put the case to rest for good.”

He suddenly felt a smack to the head, and Ryuk grinned. “Hey! Don’t forget about me!”

He promptly did the same to the rest of the Task Force, each of them jumping in surprise. Ryuk cackled at their reactions.

The Kira Case is closed, something I never thought I’d live to see. Now I can fully put my efforts towards my children…and Light-kun.

Ryuk followed him, attaching his Death Note to his chains. “That was a good show, but I’m ready for another one.”

“Indeed,” L replied, humoring him. “Just be patient, and you’ll get your show.”

He took an apple out of his pocket and dangled it out by its stem. “I’ll give you this apple if you go bother someone else for the rest of the day. And no, it can’t be Light-kun.”

“Hmm…that Shuichi guy seemed real fun…” the shinigami grinned, taking his bribe. “I’ll see what kind of entertainment he can give me!”

Once L was alone, he trudged up the steps, exhaustion creeping up on him. He was practically dragging himself by the time he reached his room. It was only by sheer force of will that he didn’t immediately face-plant onto his bed, and instead just crawled underneath the covers, weight soaked into his bones.

He couldn’t keep having a panic attack every time he caught sight of the changes happening to his body. Female puberty had ended years ago, and the testosterone had made him pass fairly well. The double mastectomy and birth control had helped him immensely in that endeavor.

But now that he was pregnant, the testosterone doses had to be halted, and the estrogen hormones came back with a vengeance. His body rebelled against this deeply, screaming that this was wrong, it shouldn’t happening, get them out immediately-

I’ve heard of the struggle between the head and heart. I never imagined it was so…painful.

For now, his baggy clothes were hiding his bump, but that soon wouldn’t be enough. He knew the stress couldn’t be good for the babies either, so he would need to find a solution to this, and imperatively. Especially with no Watari.

Now L felt like crying.

Never before in his life had L felt the urge to shed so many tears. Every little thing made him overly emotional, and it was getting harder and harder to hold it back. He hadn’t grieved for Watari since the night he’d died, but now…

Oh. Judging by the glob of tears pouring from his eyes, and the hiccups emanating from his mouth, he’d given in to his hormones.

He felt terribly lonely, reaching out for his guardian. Like he was eight years old again, and latching onto the first sign of companionship.

L sobbed quietly for a while, before eventually drifting into a dreamless slumber.

Far, far above the mortal world, there lay a land of dust and ash.

It stretched for eons, but no matter how far one traversed, there were always the same sights. A perpetually grey sky hung overhead, adding to the gloominess. Barren, rotten trees with shriveled fruits clinging to their fragile branches. Cracked bones and broken chains decorated the plains, caves burrowing into the landscape.

This was the realm of the shinigami, and it had recently been in an upheaval over the chain reaction of Ryuk’s act, something quite unusual for the inhabitants. Most shinigami were quite content to just exist, spending their days gambling with each other and occasionally finding a name to write down to ensure their continued survival. But they’d never felt such excitement, and over a human of all things!

Right now, a cluster of death gods were huddled over one of the many viewing portals they used to watch the mortal world. After witnessing the slew of events that L and Light were involved in, they were…mixed.

“Aww!” whined Kindarra, a bony-looking, sharp-toothed shinigami. “I wanted Kira to win! Then more violence!”

“Yeah,” agreed Midora, the salamander-esque shinigami. “Kira would’ve made a fine shinigami. A shame his reign was cut short.”

“Eh,” shrugged Zellogi, the headdress-wearing shinigami. “He was interesting, sure, but L was interesting too. Isn’t it impressive what he managed to do without a Death Note?”

Deridovely, a shinigami covered in bandages, nodded. “I wasn’t sure if Ryuk made the right choice, but I see the merits in it.”

“Though,” Zellogi wondered. “What of the detective’s mysterious pregnancy? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Definitely not normal,” Midora said. “Maybe the King would know something about it.”

Kindarra threw her hands up. “The Old Man? Nothing like this has happened, ever! Even with his bottomless well of knowledge, I doubt even he has the answer to this!”

“You!” shouted another voice, one familiar to all present, and they immediately groaned.

Up in the sky, flew a creature absolutely covered in jewels. “How dare you insult the King?!”

“What, you gonna tattle on me?” Kindarra mocked. “Just so you can kiss his ass? Just because you’re his right-hand doesn’t mean we have to respect you, Justin!”

Justin sputtered. ‘I’m sure he won’t be happy to hear the vermin coming out of your mouth!”

“Give up, Justin!” Midora beckoned. “He doesn’t care. Even if he somehow doles out a punishment, just give him a few apples and he’ll forget all about it.”

“I believe it’s better you don’t waste your breath,” Deridovely recommended. “If you want something to tell the King, we were just discussing the recent developments in the human world, pertaining to Kira. Somehow, he caused a pregnancy none of us can sense. In L.”

Justin’s eyes bulged. “That’s impossible! They’re just humans!” He took a look in the pool, currently showing L waking up. He sensed a change in the body, but no lifespan hovering over his slightly-bigger belly.

“See, there’s no-” He switched to his x-ray vision just to make sure, and choked on his words.

“We thought so too, and here we are. So maybe you should tell the King that,” Zellogi suggested.

The pampered shinigami sighed. “Fine. I shall tell the King of this, and he will investigate.”

With that, Justin flapped away. He quickly gained on the King’s residence, a giant cave with bones hanging on the entrance. He got through, and looked for the highest-ranked shinigami. The King himself slowly lowered from the ceiling, chains holding his mass. He had a skull face inside of a larger one, which itself was attached to a large globe-like mass. Four arms dangled down, three claws on each hand.

A lower-ranked shinigami bowed before him, sniveling. His spherical head was wrapped in white linen, his eyes and a beak poking out. “Please, I need a new Death Note! I lost mine, and now I sense it’s been destroyed! I’ll die if I don’t get a new one!”

“It was your responsibility to not have lost it in the first place,” the King rumbled. “You should’ve taken better care of it.”

“I think Ryuk stole it!”

“Why do you think I can trust you with another, Sidoh?”

Sidoh sniffled, his insect-like appendages retracting. “It was just one time! I promise you can trust me this time around.”

“If Ryuk comes back, and confirms your story, I’ll consider it,” the Shinigami King answered.

“But I don’t know how long he’ll be in the human world!”

“Then see if you can convince him to come back.”

“I have to g-go to the h-h-human world?!”

“If your life is really that important to you, then I suppose you have to. Now be off.”

Sidoh, whimpering, frantically ran off, passing Justin on his way. “Your highness,” Justin started. “I bring news. News from the mortal realm.”

“Oh?” the King turned, interested. “Is it Kira?”

“Yes, and the other shinigami have been abuzz about it. He impregnated his adversary L, and none of us can see the children’s lifespan.”

The King’s eyes widened. “Fascinating. This goes against the rules. I should know; I made them myself. I believe I’ll need to take a closer look at both of them. Nu!”

A rock-like shinigami appeared, eyes all over her body. She had no mouth, so she just projected her thoughts.

Yes, your highness? she asked.

Justin glared at the only death god other than the King who was ranked higher than him.

“Nu!” the King snapped. “I want you to bring the humans Light Yagami and L Lawliet to me. Ryuk too. I want to observe.”

Nu gave an approximation of a nod. Of course, sir. Right away.

“Why not me, sire?” Justin pointed at himself. “Surely I can do the job just as well?”

The King just stared at him. “Because getting from the human world to here requires going up, and I doubt ordinary humans can survive that. Nu’s portal ability will allow for direct transport.”

Justin just slumped. One of Nu's eyes popped off, blackening and flattening into an entrance. She entered, closing it up behind her.

“Now…let’s see what those children of yours have to say…” the King simpered.

The right-hand nodded nervously. If humans could do this under our noses, who knows what else they could do? We’d lose our superiority!

Light was bored.

He’d been sitting in this cell for who knows how long, the only way to keep track of time was through meals being delivered. He had no way to keep busy, and it was driving him crazy. L had spoken to him a few times, mainly to record the confession of all his crimes, and he didn’t permit anyone else to visit, out of fear that Kira would manipulate them into freeing him.

He hadn’t sparked another argument though, and Light was honestly missing that. Even if they didn’t agree, the sensation of debating with someone as intelligent as himself was exhilarating. If you had killed L, you’d be robbed of that forever.

Shut up. Kira’s world had no need for dissenters.

With no distractions, his innocent persona had piped up every once in a while, and it was grating. Didn’t it understand that everything he did was for a perfect world? That its sacrifice was necessary to ensure that? Light almost laughed at the fact that he was essentially fighting himself.

If we really are the same, then why don’t we agree?

“Light-kun.”

Light’s head jerked up at L’s voice, which for the first time since the night he’d been apprehended, was free of any robotic distortion. He glanced at its direction, and saw a screen - when did that get here? - and L’s face appeared. Not his gothic screensaver, him.

“L…” Light breathed, having gotten out of the habit of calling the detective by his alias. “What’s the occasion? What’s so important that you show your face to me?”

“You don’t have access to the news, so I figured I should show you,” L typed a few keywords, judging by the clicking sounds, and the screen switched to a newsreel, dated November 8th, 2004. The day after my capture.

“This was the worldwide reaction to Kira’s arrest,” L explained, and he went silent, presumably letting the rest speak for itself.

Light’s jaw dropped at the sight of the massive parade marching down the streets of Tokyo, the air filled with confetti and streamers. He caught sight of a particular float that had a dummy (wearing devil horns) with “KIRA” crudely written on it with black marker, and red staining its hands. It was trapped in a cage, and that got particularly loud cheers from passersby.

Wha-? How did they put this together in less than twenty-four hours?

The camera flicked between different views, until it got to a reporter on the scene. “We are here live, after L, the World’s Greatest Detective, announced he has finally captured Kira! While the killer’s identity has not been released, that hasn’t stopped the celebrations. I think I speak for everyone when I say, ‘Good riddance!’”

She then interviewed a bunch of people. “I’m so glad that Kira is gone!” exclaimed a college girl. “They made me feel so watched, you know? That’s creepy! But now, I can finally breathe.”

“They killed my son,” said a middle-aged woman. “He was doing so well, on track to rejoining society, but then that monster had to cut his life short. Justice has finally arrived.”

“I’m a prosecutor,” stated an old man. “I’m very familiar with the concept of justice. What Kira did was anything but. Justice isn’t meant to be handled by just one person, because that’s ignoring all other perspectives, making one ripe for corruption. I know we don’t always get it right, but there’s a lot of good people working towards it, and I hope we can continue making things better.”

“Kira was a meanie!” shouted a little boy. “Momma says punishments are meant to be learned from! How is anyone supposed to learn anything if they’re dead?”

Light’s eyes narrowed. How ungrateful. I made the world safer, and this is how they thank me? They should be bowing down to me!

L kept changing the channel. Each time he did, it showed an identical scene, just in a different location. First in cities across Japan, eventually branching out to other countries. Some of it in languages he couldn’t understand, but Light got the message from the tone of their voices.

When the compilation finally ended, L appeared again. “So…you are the most hated being on the planet right now. So much for a supposed god,” he snarked.

“I don’t understand…” Light muttered. “Why? I showed them all what I could do! I should be getting respect! Not hate!”

“And there’s the narcissism,” the detective noted. “That’s another thing about ruling by fear. As soon as you don’t have that to go on, people will reveal their true feelings.”

Light then remembered another thing. “You…you didn’t reveal who Kira was?”

“No. That’s not me being merciful, by the way. That was for your own family’s protection, and another layer of your punishment. If you thought you could at least get away with the credit, I’ll deny you that, too. Nothing would hurt your pride more than the biggest accomplishment of your life not even being attributed to you. The name Light Yagami will be nothing more than another meaningless scribble, not even worth remembering by history.”

Light shook, rage bubbling up inside him. “You bastard! I’ll kill you!”

“You already tried that, and it didn’t take,” L paused to grab something off-screen, and his hand came back with an apple. He took a bite, not bothering to swallow before speaking. “You can’t do that anymore, even if you somehow escaped. All three notebooks have been burned.”

“What?” Ryuk told him about the one buried in the forest?

“Yes, Ryuk-san was quite happy to tell me of the hidden location of the third notebook. You have no power left.”

But Ryuk still has a Death Note on him! If I can somehow trick him into coming in here-

“And if you are thinking of goading Ryuk-san here, forget it. He’s made it very clear that under no circumstances will he ever part with his notebook. Makes sense, since that’s his means of living.”

Shit.

L continued to munch on his apple, and Light found himself wondering about that. Isn’t his favorite fruit strawberries? Even so, why isn’t it coated in caramel or something? Is it a pregnancy craving? What a strange thing to want, especially given that Ryuk also likes apples. Wait, what if that means the pregnancy really is connected to the Death Note? No. Too flimsy evidence. I’ll figure it out someday.

“One other thing,” L added as he finished his snack. “I got the ultrasound pictures. Would you like to see them?”

Light’s head snapped up so fast there was an audible crack. “You were just talking about how hated I am, and now you want to show me ultrasound pictures? Of the very children I was planning to kill?” he sputtered.

L shrugged. “They’re your children. Even I won’t deny you the right to know their progress. But I will only do so if you want to see.”

You’re going to be a father. It’s your responsibility to know.

But…they’re in the way! I can’t afford to get attached.

Well, too bad, I already am. You’re one foot in the grave, might as well take the other step.

You’re impossible!

I agree. But I want to see my children.

Ugh, fine! But don’t do anything crazy!

Light took a deep breath, and inquired, “Can I see?”

L did a double take at that, as if he hadn’t been expecting that answer. But he recovered quickly, and brought out a black-and-white photo of two blobs, floating in the void that was L’s uterus. “Here,” he said quietly. “This is the six-week ultrasound.”

Light had seen these kinds of pictures before. His mom had photos of both his and Sayu’s, and he’d always found it interesting that humans started out in forms so inhuman. He’d known that one day he’d have his own moment with his own child…just not quite like this.

A heavy silence had come between the two of them, Light’s eyes remaining transfixed on the photo. Who knows how long it would’ve lasted, had Ryuk not popped through the wall on L’s end.

“Elly!” he called. “We’ve got a situation here!”

L broke the trance, turning towards the shinigami. “What sort of situation, Ryuk-san?”

“There’s another shinigami here,” he explained. “Her name’s Nu, and the only one she answers to is the Old Man! And she wants me to go to him, and to bring you two!”

“Has she told you why?”

“If I were to guess, it’s probably for the same reason I’m here! Everyone wants answers to your pregnancy!”

L sat back, thumb to lip. “Hmm…well, I can’t say I don’t want answers as well. But Light-kun…I can’t release him.”

“I’m still here, you know!” Light yelled. This just got interesting. Will I get to see the Shinigami Realm?

“Ahh, I’ll go get her! Can’t keep her waiting!” Ryuk flew back through the wall, coming out just as fast. He couldn’t see anyone else with him. I haven’t touched a notebook that belonged to her.

Let’s see if I can turn this to my advantage…especially if I get to meet this Old Man of Ryuk’s.

Ryuk knew that the other shinigami back home were just as invested in the drama as he was. They shared the same feelings of boredom and disillusionment after all, even if he’d been the only one to ultimately get off his butt and do something about it.

Hell, this whole pregnancy thing, everyone would get a kick out of that! At the beginning of this whole thing, he’d even entertained the thought of the Old Man coming down and seeing what the fuss was all about.

But that was just when L had seemingly defied the Death Note’s will. It had sort of vanished from his mind when he’d gotten involved in the ensuing events.

Maybe that’s why he was freaked out about seeing Nu. Nu was an enigma, even amongst her own kind. The King just let her be most of the time, only calling for her occasionally. So sightings of her were rare, and in the thousands of years that were Ryuk’s existence, he’d only glimpsed her maybe one or two times.

So to just see her casually slide over to him, every eye on him, and telling him that the King requested his presence, and to bring Light Yagami and L Lawliet - that was a shock, and not the fun kind either.

Still, he had to obey his superior, and so he went and relayed it all to L, going back once to beckon her over. Nu wiggled over to L - she had no limbs, so she had to get creative with her mobility - and produced her notebook out of her eyeball. Using her eyelid to hold it, she tapped him with it, and she became visible to him.

If L was at all surprised by her unusual exterior, he didn’t show it. “You must be Nu-san. I take it that your king has expressed interest in my children?”

Correct, Lawliet. This defies all we know, and the King wants to know why. Yagami has something to do with it, so we need him too.

“As much as I’m curious too, I can’t just release Light-kun. And can we even survive in the Shinigami Realm?”

No humans have ever traversed our lands. Although if the King wants you over, then it must be safe.

If you won’t die from the conditions, then you will from the boredom, Ryuk thought grumpily. If I hadn’t found this, I probably would’ve stopped writing names just so I wouldn’t have to bear it any longer.

“That’s comforting,” L said sarcastically.

I share your reservations about Yagami. He was able to manipulate Rem, a high-ranking shinigami, into breaking a rule, so I fear what he’d be able to do to lesser shinigami. But no matter, I have a way of transporting him without endangering anyone.

One of Nu’s eyes popped out of her head, and it rolled straight through the wall. L turned back to his laptop, Ryuk watching over his shoulder. Light was still on the other side, having witnessed all that occurred. He had a confused look on his face, likely because he couldn’t see nor hear Nu, which meant he didn’t notice the eyeball phasing into his cell. He did, however, see when it turned black and expanded, yelping as the floor disappeared right under his feet. When he was through, it closed up, revealing the normal ground.

Rye laughed at that. L swiveled on his chair, eyes wide. “Can all shinigami do that?”

“No, only her,” he answered. “Some shinigami get special powers bestowed to them by the Old Man. I have no idea what qualifies such a promotion, so I think he just does it when he feels like it.”

Anyway, Nu started. Lawliet, you have my word that when you get back, Yagami will be back in his room. Is that sufficient?

“Thank you, Nu-san,” L affirmed. “You may escort us to the King. Just let me make a few calls, so everyone knows not to come over or contact me for a while. Also, so no one panics if they see an empty cell.”

As Nu got to work preparing a portal, Ryuk said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever been summoned.”

“Really?”

“I’m middle of the pack, so not really important in the grand scheme of things.” Huh. Why does that hurt when I say it out loud?

But he didn’t have time to dwell on it as the door to the Shinigami Realm was opened, and everyone stepped through.

Chapter Text

For a land populated by gods, one would think it’d be more…grandiose. But this is oddly fitting for beings that bring death.

L took a look through the Shinigami Realm, taking in the dust, bones, and chains. “This is your home, Ryuk-san?”

“Yeah,” Ryuk huffed, not looking too happy to be back. “Now do you get why I wanted entertainment so badly?”

Nu slid along, eyes shifting in all directions. Your “entertainment”, as you put it, enabled a human to kill one of us. Only reason I haven’t dragged you here earlier is because the King seemed to be fine with it.

“Hey! Not my fault Rem went down to Earth in the first place!”

And she would’ve been just fine had your human not had the knowledge he needed to take her out.

“I didn’t tell him how to kill shinigami! I’m not that desperate!”

But you hinted there was a way, regardless, prompting him to get that tidbit out of Rem. She wouldn’t have died if you’d never dropped the notebook in the first place.

“Nu-san,” L interrupted. “If I may, where did you drop Light-kun?”

I portaled him right to the King.

“So I get the scenic route?”

I wanted to put off seeing his face. The King should be satisfied enough with only Yagami right now. He should be having fun.

Ryuk giggled, rubbing his hands together. “Hyuk! A little personal revenge, Nu?”

If you tell anyone, I’ll rip your wings off.

As the human flanked by two shinigami traversed the barren landscape, heads started turning as they approached areas filled with other death gods, pointing and gasping.

“Is that…?”

“No way!”

“That’s L, Kira’s rival!”

“And the bearer of his children, whom we can’t sense for some reason!”

“What is a human doing here?”

“Ryuk! Haven’t seen you in a while! Man, you caused a riot!”

“Nu’s with him! That must mean they’re off to see the King!”

“I’m…quite popular here, I see,” L said awkwardly as some shinigami bounded over to try to get close, only being deterred by Nu’s glare.

Ryuk chuckled. “You thought I was the only one interested? The tales of Kira and L are well-known amongst the realm.”

I’m glad Yagami’s not with us, Nu mentioned. Then it’d be even worse.

“Hey, L!” cried a shinigami with long hair and knives for fingers. “Are you and Kira a thing!?”

“I could smell the sexual tension from all the way up here!” added another with owl-esque features.

“You’re even having his babies! It doesn’t get more obvious than that!” yelled a creature with pitch black eyes and a sailor uniform.

L blushed. “No comment.” My feelings towards Light-kun are complicated enough without throwing the possibility of romance into the mix.

Move along! Nu thundered, her voice blaring in everyone’s minds. I have an important job here and you’re all in the way! Now go, or I’ll take your Death Notes and burn them!

That was enough of a threat to make all the shinigami scatter, L finding himself shocked at how quickly the area became empty. Ryuk-san mentioned she’s very high on the hierarchy. Still, if that’s how much authority she commands, then what can the King do?

Let’s proceed, Lawliet, Nu spoke calmly, and they resumed their journey, the detective’s mind going into overdrive taking in all the details of this new place. I’m doing something straight out of a fantasy novel, exploring a new and fantastical world. Many would dream to be in my place. I never thought I would get caught up in all this, but now I’m thinking…I wonder what else previously thought fiction is real.

We have arrived, the female shinigami announced, and L shook from his thoughts, seeing a giant cave with bones and chains as decoration.

Ryuk turned to him. “You ready to get answers?”

L nodded. “It’s just another case to solve. Only this time, I’m ready to accept any answer, no matter how illogical.”

Nu led them inside, where Light, looking very frustrated, was glowering at what L could only presume to be the Shinigami King. If I were to imagine the King of Death…I admit that’s not what I would’ve been thinking of.

“Ryuk,” Light said, not looking too happy to see his former shinigami. “Your King is even more annoying than you are.”

“How dare you!” shrieked another of the creatures, only this one was absolutely decked with shiny jewels, some of which L couldn’t put a name to. “You insult His Highness by comparing him to that troublemaker!”

“Pipe down, Justin,” the King commanded. “You shouldn’t let mere humans get to you.”

What an ordinary name in this fascinating place.

“Mere?!” Light shouted with an offended tone. “I am not mere! I’m a god! Didn’t you see how I tricked Rem into killing herself?”

Nu growled. Very much so. Watch your tongue, Yagami. If you make one more blasphemous claim, I’ll write your name down, as Ryuk can no longer shield you.

“Funny,” L remarked. “You’re still proclaiming that, even though we are in a place filled with literal gods? I would take Nu-san’s advice and keep your mouth shut, Light-kun. Wouldn’t want to know what a taste of actual divine retribution is, right?”

“Yeah, Light-o,” Ryuk snickered. “Don’t want your bubble to pop too early!”

Light groaned, facepalming. Justin seemed to remember something, then fluttered down to L’s side. “L Lawliet, may I introduce you to His Majesty, the King of Death, and Ruler of All Shinigami! You should be honored as the second mortal to ever meet him!”

“Why didn’t I receive that introduction…?” Light muttered under his breath.

You’re not special, Yagami, Nu snarked.

“L Lawliet,” the King rumbled. He had no visible eyes, but L felt like he was staring right through him. “You’ve caught my attention in a way not even Light Yagami has.”

Light opened his mouth, but Nu gave him a look, and he closed it.

“Is…that a good thing?” L asked.

“Depends,” he answered. “Usually, when a Death Note makes its way to Earth, the pattern follows: a human will find it, write a few names out of curiosity, then be horrified by what they’ve done and renounce ownership. Light Yagami broke this, and that’s what made all eyes turn to him. But you…you did something not thought to be possible, and conceived children that can’t be sensed through shinigami eyes. I believe that was the Death Note’s doing.”

“But I didn’t even own it when it happened!” Light yelled. “And how does that even work? A tool meant to bring death can’t also cause life…can it?”

Shush! the second-highest-ranked shinigami hissed.

“That is quite a contradiction,” L mused. “Life and death are opposites, one would think they can’t bleed into each other.” Though, it’s interesting that the Death Note does give life in some way…namely, the years they take going to the shinigami.

“Yet, as seen with Misa Amane’s lifespan, if one makes the trade for the shinigami eyes and then loses them, they don’t get their years back,” the King explained. “The Death Note still affects its users, regardless of ownership status. No one has used the notebook for as long as Light Yagami has, and according to my prior observations before L Lawliet’s arrival, he still carries traces of its essence, even though all the notebooks in the mortal realm are gone.”

“You sure you aren’t just sensing the piece I put in him?” L questioned.

“The amount I’m detecting is too much to come from such a small piece,” the King’s face never changed, but the black-haired man had the feeling he was smiling. “Clever plan by the way, L Lawliet. No one has ever thought of putting the note into their bodies so they can never forget. You are exceptional for a human.”

“...thank you?” L wasn’t sure if he should be offended or flattered.

“But that still doesn’t answer the question everyone’s been asking!” Ryuk exclaimed. “Even if Light-o got some Death Note juice on him, how does that translate into him somehow becoming more fertile?! If anything, doesn’t it make more sense if he became barren, instead?”

The King reached out a gangly arm, and poked L in the stomach. “Ah…I see now,” he muttered.

The detective froze; the King’s touch was so cold it ran hot, not exactly a pleasant sensation. What could’ve he gained from a simple action?

“Now what?” Light beckoned. Nu didn’t shut him up this time, instead looking curious. Ryuk’s body was vibrating, as if in anticipation.

“The children…both carry a little of the notebook’s essence. That’s why their lifespans can’t be seen…after all, shinigami can’t see each other’s lifespans.”

“Huh,” L grasped his abdomen, a bubble of laughter coming up concurrently with tears. “I’m apparently carrying magical children. This is what my life has come to.” And I’m not surprised in the least.

“But,” Light’s fists were shaking. “How come you could sense that and Ryuk couldn’t?”

“I created the Death Notes, Light Yagami. You think I wouldn’t recognize their energy signatures when I felt them?” The King lowered himself to the ground, and faced his skeletal features towards the teen. He yelped and fell backwards.

“You are the highest-ranked shinigami,” L said, swallowing back his hormones. “I presume that would mean you have powers that the others don’t.”

“Correct, L Lawliet. In other words, I can perceive things on a much more expansive level. Including death entangled with life.”

Even I couldn’t see that, Nu admitted. Human-shinigami children were right there, and I felt nothing. Yagami had the note’s scent all over, and I couldn’t smell it.

“Same here,” the apple-loving death god stated, scratching the back of his head.

“It does say something that I couldn’t tell while you were still on Earth, and I had to bring you up here,” said the Shinigami King. “This is new territory, for both our kinds.”

“Wait wait,” Light interrupted. “You mean to tell me that the Death Note infused its strange energy into me, and then I passed it onto the children? That sounds like something out of a fantasy novel! If that’s the case, why haven’t I become any different? And that still doesn’t explain why L is having twins! The odds are astronomically low for that to happen, given the circumstances, and I’ve learned to never dismiss the more improbable options!”

“Light-kun is right,” L added. “While this is all well and good, there’s still some explaining that needs to be done.”

Feels nice to agree on something for the first time since he became Kira again.

“He has a point,” Ryuk commented. “I can still see his lifespan.”

“All of this is speculation,” the globular being started. “But I suspect that Light Yagami’s constitution hasn’t changed because in the end, he’s a natural human. As he now has no access to a notebook, the essence might drain from him.”

Light pouted at that, and L smirked. Not happy to have your humanity rubbed in your face, Light-kun? I suppose the fact you haven’t gained any godlike abilities also hasn’t helped.

“But as the children in L Lawliet’s womb will be born with the energy, it’ll stick with them their whole lives. And I’m very interested to see how that plays out.”

Not even born yet, and you have the King of Death’s eyes on you, L thought as he rubbed his belly. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know.

“As for how the Death Note enabled a pregnancy that should not have been possible…I find myself quite perplexed by the conundrum. Perhaps because Light Yagami has taken so many lives, he now must add lives in return.”

“An eye for an eye, huh?” L mused. Though two lives is not nearly enough for the thousands that lay dead at his feet.

“You know everything there is to know about the Death Note! Shouldn’t you have been aware that was a possibility?!” the former Kira shouted.

“Humans never had them for long, and shinigami don’t have reproductive functions. Perhaps because Light Yagami couldn’t take the years for himself, they went to the children instead,” the King theorized.

Ryuk laughed. “Hyuk, I really hope that’s true! That’d be the funniest thing ever!”

Serves you right, Nu remarked. The children certainly deserve to live more than you do, Yagami.

“That’s an interesting theory. We shall see if it takes hold,” L slumped, exhaustion taking control, and his apple cravings coming to the forefront. “It’s been wonderful to get these answers, but can we go back now?”

“One more thing,” the King raised a finger. “L Lawliet, you are forever immune to the Death Note. It’s not just limited to the time you’re pregnant. Because your name has already been written and spelled correctly, and no further iterations can change the first, you have been saved from death…for now.”

Light’s eyes widened, and L imagined he would be throwing a temper tantrum once he was alone. “That’s…relieving, your highness. But I’ll still have to be careful.”

“Indeed,” the King purred. “I want to monitor your children’s progress, and can’t do that if you die. Ryuk!”

“Uh, yes?!” Ryuk suddenly snapped to attention.

“I want you to watch over L Lawliet and assist him in his pregnancy. Whatever the children are, they clearly have some shinigami in them, so they’ll need a shinigami around to teach them. I believe you’ll do.”

“Me?” Ryuk asked with a dumbfounded tone.

“Yes, and you can stay indefinitely. Keep them alive, and I might promote you. Don’t break any of the rules, though.”

Now I have a shinigami bodyguard?

“Sure thing!” he yelped.

“You may all go,” the King waved a hand, and Nu slid up, producing two portals. One sucked Light in, the other had L and Ryuk calmly passing through it.

Justin, who had been silent the whole time, and struggling to keep his reactions to himself, peeked over to the King. “You sure the children won’t be nothing but trouble?”

“Don’t question me, Justin,” he snapped. “This is new territory, and I wish to know as much as possible.”

“Sire!” cried Sidoh, rushing in. He was panting and looked tired. “I looked and looked, but Ryuk wasn’t there!”

Nu stifled a chuckle, and the King grinned. “Normally, I wouldn’t, but fine, have it your way. I’m in a good mood right now, and I don’t want it to be spoiled.”

One of his arms reached behind himself, and pulled out a new Death Note. He tossed it on the ground, and Sidoh gleefully snatched it up. “Oh, thank you, your highness!”

“Now get out of here.”

Light was dumped right back into his cell, mind reeling over the cascade of revelations. He simply sat there for several moments, staring at nothing, until anger took control.

“Argh!” He ripped the covers from his bed, throwing them to the ground. He then punched the pillows off, disfiguring them with the force. The mattress was the next casualty, flipped onto its side.

“Goddammit L, you…you bastard! You always have to get one over on me!” His rant devolved into aggressive noises, growling and snarling as he destroyed his room.

When he finally got it all out, he took in the sight of his mangled sleeping quarters, bottles open and spilling their contents, and the slightly cracked mirror from when he’d slammed something into it, which he didn’t remember. He sighed, slowly sinking lower.

Well, since the King doesn’t want anything to happen to L while he’s pregnant, I suppose I’ll just have to bide my time. Maybe I can even trick Ryuk into breaking a rule so he’ll no longer be in my way.

A plan that would best the likes of L Lawliet without supernatural aid would require time and preparation, after all, and surely the rest of the pregnancy’s length should suffice.

L Lawliet. I didn’t register it then, but…that’s his name? Half of it was right in front of me this whole time, and I had no idea.

He could appreciate the genius of the deception. No one would expect an alias to be their real name, after all, and whose name would actually be just a letter? L’s unusual. It’s only fitting that extends to his name.

And Lawliet? Weird that it contains my own name. Is that a sign or something? That we were supposed to meet eventually? Ah, what am I doing? Sure, shinigami are real, but that doesn’t mean any other fictitious concept is automatically real, too.

Also, the part where the children had apparently had a little of the Death Note in them? That would also be a good reason for waiting. He didn’t really have any idea what they were capable of, so it would be advantageous to be patient and see if it could somehow benefit him.

They’re basically baby gods, with how much they’ve spun things around. Sure, it would’ve been great if the Death Note imparted the powers into me, too, but no matter. Who better to teach them how to be gods than the God of the New World? Maybe L getting pregnant was a good thing after all.

At last you see that, though not in the way I hoped, snarked the innocent personality. And just because they’re a bit supernatural, does not mean they’re gods.

They’re Kira’s children, of course they’re gods!

I saw what a god complex did to us. I’d rather not pass it down to the children. And please don’t tell me you’re still planning to get L out of the way.

Lifelong immunity to the notebook? Just a little setback. I’ll simply have to do it with my bare hands, once he’s birthed the children. Although first I’ll have to kill Ryuk so he can’t stop me. And snag his notebook while I’m at it.

You can’t do that! You’d be robbing the children of a parent! Just like you did to children with incarcerated parents!

They were better off without their criminal parents. And Kira’s godlings won’t have any need for other influences.

“Godlings”, huh? So you’re already imparting what you want onto the children before they’ve even exited the uterus! First, you wanted L to miscarry them, and now that they can potentially aid you, you’re taking them from him? You really don’t value others unless you can use them. I hate what the notebook did to us.

What are you talking about? The notebook didn’t do anything! We’ve always had these thoughts! We’ve always thought criminals should die! The notebook just gave us the means to put them to action!

Okay, maybe you’re right. But I don’t remember being this zealous about it. And I certainly would’ve never killed those FBI agents. Or L. Or the Task Force. Or our own father! In fact, I remember being horrified once we realized the Death Note worked!

But then I saw the merits in it.

More like you realized the power you held over peoples’ lives and promptly forgot your original goal when you continued to write down names, in favor of buttering your own ego, hiding under thin claims of justice.

Don’t you remember the boredom?!

Light took a deep breath, awaiting the response. He found it ridiculous, arguing with a fragment of himself that shouldn’t even exist.

I…I do. Everything was so easy, we couldn’t get any enjoyment out of life. I suppose that’s why we were drawn to the Death Note in the first place. And why it was so easy to get allured by its power.

When I used the notebook, I felt…alive. I finally had a goal that wasn’t just an immediate jump to the finish line.

L made us feel alive, too.

Light paused. He really didn’t want to dive into that rabbit hole. L was an enemy to be eliminated, nothing more.

If you’re trying to convince me to spare L, it won’t work. He’s the only person who can torpedo my plans.

He heard a sigh. Alright. I won’t stop trying, but I can see this is going nowhere.

Finally, he was alone in his head, and thus it was time to start thinking over possibilities for plots to kill L and Ryuk.

We’re going to the most secure place in England? Should be a challenge, but I don’t doubt I can find a way out. L…this time, you won’t see me coming!

Ryuk was hanging around L’s room, making faces at the security cameras, while the detective himself was dead to the world, having wolfed down five apples in a row, then collapsed into bed and hadn’t gotten up since. It was now dark out, the moon casting beams through the curtains.

Suddenly, L shot up with a jolt, startling the shinigami. “Elly?!”

“That’s why I’ve been craving apples,” L muttered to himself, not acknowledging his presence.

He yawned, flopped back down, and began to snore, like he hadn’t woken in the first place.

Ryuk just stared. What the fuck was that about?

He shrugged and turned back to what he was doing. Meh. Humans are interesting, but weird.

Chapter Text

“Ugh…”

Ryuk swiveled around at the very-tired-sounding voice, finding L stomping up to the counter. A steaming mug was in his hands, and he carefully placed it down before faceplanting onto the surface.

“Ten hours of sleep…and I still feel like shit…” he mumbled.

“Uh…good morning?” Ryuk offered, deciding to tread carefully around the grumpy detective.

“It may be good to you, but I’m definitely not feeling it,” L sighed. “And I can’t even wake myself up with caffeine because it’s bad for the children.”

He took a sip, and winced. “Why don’t they like sugar? Everything’s so bitter without it!”

Looks like it’s one of Elly’s off-days.

“Why don’t you just, I don’t know, go back to sleep?” Ryuk suggested. It’s kinda funny that he once ran on almost none, now he can’t get enough.

“I would like to,” L downed the entire cup, gagging. “But I can’t. Since the Kira Case is closed, I have no reason to stay in Japan. So I have to make arrangements for my trip back to England. I never was fond of air travel, but now that I’m pregnant…I’m especially not looking forward to it.”

Then, out of nowhere, L began to cry. “I’m so miserable, yet I want this so bad…why am I like this?”

“Oh boy,” the shinigami cringed.

He made to move through the wall, but he was halted when L latched onto his tattered shirttails. “Hey!”

“Please don’t go,” L whimpered, looking utterly pathetic, a far cry from the stone-faced eccentric he usually was. “I don’t…I don’t want to be alone.”

“Uh…” Ryuk had absolutely no clue what to do. He could go intangible, that would release him from L’s grip, but he had a feeling that would make things worse for his poor ears. And the chance of the Old Man not removing me from my post.

He was sent further into shock when the young human reached out and gripped his midsection, wrapping his arms around. From what he knew, this was called a “hug” and it was a universal gesture of affection.

“You’re so cold…” L murmured.

Maybe it was best he just stayed here and let him do what he wanted, even if it made no sense. Plus, it did seem to calm him down. Hope you’re watching this, Old Man.

“You know, Ryuk-san…” L said after a while, slowly distancing himself from the death god’s body. “When I thought about it, I’m technically carrying your children too.”

“Wha-What?!” Ryuk jerked back with such force he flew into the ceiling. “That can’t be! I would’ve been dust long ago if that were the case!”

“The Death Note that Light-kun had belonged to you,” L was walking around, nibbling his thumb.

“Well, I stole it but-”

“Regardless, you were the shinigami attached to it. And you didn’t break any rules, as you didn’t engage in intercourse. And if the children truly have some of the notebook in them…that would make you their parent as well, by proxy.”

Ryuk, bug-eyed, simply stared. That…that makes too much sense. No wonder Elly wants apples!

“It seems you found a loophole without even trying,” Ryuk dropped to the floor.

“Should I be worried about my children?”

“Nah, if the Old Man’s allowing you to carry on, they’ll be fine. At least I think so. I can never tell what he’s thinking.”

L looked at his stomach, his hand settling on it. “There’s also the fact that they’re not hybrids in the strictest sense, since Light-kun is the biological father. It would probably be more accurate to call them humans touched by shinigami.”

“Out of all the rules I set out to bend, I never expected to find a way to circumvent that one,” Ryuk chuckled. “And that’s funny! I can’t wait to find out what trouble any kid of mine’s gonna cause!”

“They’re already causing me trouble,” L grumbled. “And now I really need an apple.”

“I’m gonna get one as well!” Ryuk cheered.

The human and the shinigami strolled - or floated, in Ryuk’s case - over to two bowls, both absolutely overflowing with plump red fruits. L grabbed one and began to munch, while Ryuk giggled as he snatched his share and gobbled them whole.

“I imagine everyone’s having a field day right now,” he mentioned as he swallowed his apple down.

“Normally, it would be bothersome that I’m constantly being watched, but as I do the same, I’m just going to let it slide,” L said, licking at his teeth to get any trapped bits.

“What can I say? You’re a very entertaining human.”

They ate together in silence, only the sounds of crunching and gulping filling the space. Ryuk found he didn’t mind; it was actually kind of fun to nosh with someone.

L pulled out his phone, typing in it. “Do you want to be on the plane, or will you just be content flying alongside it?”

“Planes are too slow,” Ryuk scowled. “I’ll be bored trying to fly at its speed. I think it’ll be more fun if I’m riding in it.”

“What is your top speed, if I may ask?”

“I don’t know, but I can get from here to the Shinigami Realm in five minutes.”

“And how far is that?”

“Uhh…I don’t know. It’s never been measured.”

“Hmm,” L took a final bite. “I’ll ask next time I see the King.”

He went to dispose of the core as Ryuk cleaned off his now-empty bowl. As he approached the air freshener, L recoiled, holding his mouth.

“Are you about to throw up?” Ryuk asked, dreading the answer.

L nodded, and dashed to the kitchen sink. Bile and apple chunks expelled, his body quivering at the force.

The shinigami retched and turned around. Why do the kids like apples so much if they’re just going to make him hurl them back up? I would never treat my apples like that! That’s the first thing I’m going to teach them.

L didn’t know why, but the air freshener’s scent was so unbearable that he’d felt the contents of his stomach go straight back up, and it was lucky he’d managed to reach the sink before it entered his mouth. The doctor had warned him that this would happen, that sensations he was used to would suddenly make him nauseous, but it was so annoying, not to mention hard on his body.

His throat ached both from the stomach acid and the hacking of his guts, and the inside of his mouth tasted terrible. He switched the tap on, to wash out the remaining vomit and to clean out his tongue. Ryuk crept over, looking glad that he’d finished.

“What was the trigger now?”

“The damn air freshener,” L huffed, spitting out some water. “It’s the same one the Task Force has always used, yet now I can’t stand it.”

Ryuk flew over to inspect it. “Sakura-scented? So that’s what that smell is.”

L was struck by a memory; himself and Light at the campus of To-Oh, taking a stroll through a path surrounded by cherry blossom trees. He was of course there for investigative purposes, but he’d had a good time playing tennis and having coffee and treats at the cafè. While it was an important clue, it was also funny to trick Light with the phone swipe. Why couldn’t that be real?

“Elly? Why are you crying?”

L touched his cheek in horror, finding it wet. But he couldn’t stop. His other thoughts came together in a jumble, making him even more emotional.

“I don’t know!” he wailed, his shoulders quaking. “Maybe it’s the fact that Light-kun is Kira! Maybe it’s because I’ve come closer to death than I ever have my whole life! Maybe it’s because I can’t run to Watari for comfort! Maybe it’s because I have magical children and I have no idea what to do about that! Maybe it’s because I’m so hungry, yet I can’t keep anything down due to the fucking pregnancy! Maybe…maybe it’s because I’m tired! The children are taking everything I have to offer them and more…I’m so exhausted…”

He sank to his knees, just sobbing pitifully to himself. I was once so composed and collected. Look at me now. I’m a mess. The second breakdown in less than ten minutes. Set off by the fucking air freshener. With only a shinigami for comfort…though I admit it was actually nice to hold someone new without fight or flight mode kicking in.

“I…uh…er…” Ryuk was scratching his head. “Will you stop crying if I give you a hug, since that seemed to work last time?”

Weakly, L opened his arms, and Ryuk awkwardly came between them, bending down to accommodate the height difference. His long claws came to rest at his back, his rings and bracelets digging in.

“I’ve, uh, never done this before,” the death god told him. “I’ll try not to hurt you.”

With Ryuk’s touch came the usual chill…but it was like an air conditioner on a hot summer day, soothing and welcoming. Am I just used to it, or are the children calling to something familiar?

He sagged, oh so tired, and he felt his legs give out. Ryuk caught him gently, adjusting his grip to secure him against his chest.

“I don’t really know much about your obligations,” he admitted. “But you’re working yourself up into a tizzy, and that’s not a good look for me if I let you carry on like that. How about some sleep?”

L nodded, unable to resist, and the shinigami floated through the building until they’d reached his sleeping quarters. He was laid down, the soft blankets and squishy mattress already lulling him into slumber.

Ever since we got back from the Shinigami Realm, Ryuk’s been more…I don’t know, warm, I think. I still don’t know much about him, but he would’ve never given me a hug before then. Granted, my wellbeing is his topmost priority, as ordered by the King, so maybe that’s it. Still nice though.

As L drifted into much-needed rest, Ryuk felt very winded.

One minute he had been fine, speaking coherently and making sense, the next he’d dissolved into tears, not being able to articulate exactly why, and triggered by the most inconsequential thing. And then he’d snapped back like nothing happened once he’d calmed down, until he’d gotten upset again. And apparently this was normal for pregnancy.

The Old Man better give me that promotion! I don’t care much about his approval, but it’s what I deserve for dealing with this.

Before, L had done a good job on keeping his emotions in check, with the few slip-ups not that bad. But now, he’d cracked and let everything into the open, and the shinigami was the only one available to help. And he couldn’t just do nothing, with the Old Man’s order of assistance. Ryuk knew his place on Earth relied on L’s condition, and if he messed up, he could kiss his source of entertainment goodbye.

He took the chance, with L still and relaxed, to check upon the embryos nested within his womb. While still somewhat resembling little fishes, he could see more human-like features beginning to form, the red masses bulging out of their chests pulsing with blood, and twice the size they had been at the ultrasound. How interesting that humans don’t look like humans during incubation.

L had explained it was because of evolution. They’d manifest traits they once had, like tails, but would lose them as they continued to grow.

Assuming this would even be a typical pregnancy. In light of the reveal of notebook traces in their being, nobody had any idea if that would affect the twins’ development.

Ryuk sighed and kept monitoring the babies. Look what you’re doing to me. I didn’t have to care before, but now I do. Better be worth it.

“Thank you all for coming to this Kira’s Kingdom meeting!”

In a dark alley, hidden from any security cameras, black-clothed individuals met, half-masks and sunglasses keeping their features obscure. It was night, giving their shady activities even more cover.

Misa, in her disguise and similarly garbed, couldn’t help the little burst of pride. Despite all the recent backlash, there were still people who believed in the cause, in Kira.

In Light, even though they didn’t know it was him. (L had made it abundantly clear that it would mean an instant trip to the electrical chair if she slipped that. Though keeping the Yagamis safe was a valid reason to maintain the secret.)

Earlier this afternoon, she’d received a message from her employer, informing her of this meeting. He’d gotten the news from the blonde woman, Merrie Kenwood, who also worked for him, who had apparently hacked into a dark web to get it. He’d told her to attend and integrate herself into the group.

The encounter with Haru still permeated her mind, along with the trace of doubt it left. That had to be just a fluke! Light wouldn’t kill people who were trying to be better! After all, the whole point of this was to stop people from committing crimes! So no one else would lose their family like she did!

But he'd lost his brother anyway.

“Kira is out of commission for now, so it’s imperative we continue his work!” exclaimed a hooded tall figure. “It’s up to us to wipe the world clean in his absence!”

“But how?” asked a short person with a feminine voice. “Nobody knows how he did it.”

“That’s why he’s God!” interjected a third member. He had long hair and glasses. “He won’t be kept down for long! Sooner or later, he’ll return, and he’ll cleanse the world!”

The guy reminded her a lot about Light, namely the burning passion towards pursuing his goals and grandiose way of speaking. He and Light would get along.

“I say we lie in wait until that happens, and continue to spread his gospel,” he continued. “The world rejects him for now, so we’ll fix that. Change the minds of the populace, so when Kira returns, it’s to a crowd of loyal followers!”

The others seemed very receptive to that idea, so Misa deemed it her cue to step in. Swallowing back her regret, she spoke out.

“I think I can help with that,” she stated, and removed the black wig and sunglasses.

“Misa-Misa?!” whisper-shouted the lot, overlapping over each other.

She put on her picture-perfect smile. “I know I can’t openly support Kira, but I can give you resources. I can connect you with people who will support the cause. I’ve been looking for my in, and it seems I found it!”

“Kira would be very grateful for your help, Amane-san,” stated the long-haired man, only exacerbating the feeling of guilt welling in her stomach.

“He brought me justice, so I’m just returning the favor,” she put on a show of waving it off. “But if he rewards me, I wouldn’t say no.”

The worst part was, she wasn’t even lying. She would do all of this and more for Light, but thanks to L, she had to instead undermine it all.

“He vindicated me,” shared the man. “For too long there have been undesirables walking amongst us, and nobody has been doing anything. But finally our God came along, and deleted them! I’ve been studying to be a criminal prosecutor in order to do so, but he found a better way.”

Misa found his use of the word “undesirables” a bit overkill, but she could empathize. “I know. Let’s spread Kira’s will.”

“I’m Teru Mikami, by the way.”

“Then you can call me Misa!”

I wish I didn’t have to do this. But I have to, if I have any chance of seeing Light again. Light…I hope you’ll forgive me for this. He’ll understand, he has to! For the sake of our love!

And hopefully…once he comes back, we can pick right back where we started, and everyone will understand why I did what I had to do.

“Light-kun, wake up. We’re leaving.”

Light’s eyes shot open, finding L smack dab in the middle of his cell. Ryuk had practically become the detective’s shadow, so he was there as well, currently gnawing at an apple.

L had a duffel bag with him, and it looked rather lumpy, but before he could inquire about its contents, L interrupted. “Everything’s already packed and awaiting transport. I’ve also had your family send over any items you might like with you to go along on our journey. And if you’re wondering what this is, it’s Ryuk-san’s bag.”

Ryuk grinned, red and white chunks in his sharp teeth. “Fourteen hours is so long, so Elly got me this!”

“Why did you do that? Couldn’t you have just bought me everything I needed in England?” Light asked.

“I could’ve,” L shrugged, unearthing a key from his pocket and tinkering at the chains. “But I thought you would appreciate some familiarity.”

His hands were released, causing him to rub his wrists for a brief, yet relieving seconds before they were shoved back in the damn handcuffs. That’s getting really old.

L handed the key to Ryuk, likely so he couldn’t take a swipe at them. He then produced a head covering and explained, “I can’t risk any photos of you getting out like this. Your tenure as Kira must remain secret, and nobody can connect the dots.”

Light nodded, allowing L to disguise him with it. He did agree, albeit for different reasons. It would be humiliating to be seen like this, bound like a common criminal.

Though it was embarrassing that he had to rely on L’s hand tugging at his shoulder for any sense of direction. Ryuk clearly thought it amusing, if the snickering he heard was any indication. He felt himself being pushed onto a seat, and a strap being buckled over him, then the ground under his feet moving. As he had nothing better to do, he began to think.

Why did L take my feelings into account? Come to think of it, a lot of his decisions lately seem to have that as a factor. He’s never cared about that before. Certainly not with the handcuffs. What is he doing now? It must be manipulation of some sort, because that’s his thing. Is he trying to get me to give up my crusade? By getting me nice and comfortable with him, he’ll worm his way in and convince me to stop? Well, I know I can’t pretend around him; he’ll see right through that. It seems my only choice is to keep up my guard so he’ll never find out about my plans.

Said “plans”, right now, just consisted of getting to the orphanage and scoping out the area. He couldn’t plot while unfamiliar with his environment, after all, and since it was supposedly the most secure place in England, it would be detrimental if he poisoned L’s food and got caught because there was a bug in the fucking mug.

Okay, that’s a little exaggerated.

But this was the home that a man like L had grown up in, so it may not be that far-fetched. There were probably other children there with his IQ. Who knew what they were capable of.

The most challenging part of this would be pulling off the murder without any suspicion falling on him. That hadn’t been a problem before, but his very nature as Kira would immediately land eyes on him at any sign of foul play. Even Matsuda would be wary.

Anyone else would consider it impossible, but he was Light Yagami, God of the New World, and doing the impossible was his thing! Though given the world at large doesn’t know, I can perhaps use that to my advantage…

The car came to a sudden stop, lurching him forward with the momentum. He was unstrapped and again led into the unknown. “I promise we’re almost there, Light-kun. Ryuk-san, I apologize for not speaking with you-”

“Ah, it’s fine! I’m used to people acting as if I’m not here!”

Finally, he came across some stairs and once he was at the top, the mask was removed, and as he blinked his eyes to adjust to the light level, he found himself inside a plane interior, a very small one. He has a private jet. What a surprise.

L gripped the duffel bag, and gave it to Ryuk. “Please make these last. I won’t be able to get any more for you until we’re on the ground again.”

“Juicy inland apples!” the shinigami was drooling at the thought, his long black tongue lolling out.

“Yes, your pay as promised. But these will be the only apples you’ll have for a while, so make them count.”

Ryuk gave a thumbs-up, already digging into the bag for his first one of the flight. Of course L would use the fact that I don’t have easy access to fresh apples against me.

The sight of the god’s Death Note clinging to his hip made Light’s chained hands tingle with temptation. If only he wasn’t handicapped; he could dash over, rip the notebook from his grasp, quickly dispose of L through choking or something, and make his dreams a reality.

Yeah, if there weren’t already too many witnesses around, like the pilot and crew.

He hadn’t actually seen any of them, so he assumed they must already be in the cockpit. Plus, the incident that got him arrested had taught him that if he saw an easy opportunity to fully clear his obstacles, it was probably too good to be true.

He picked out a seat, one near a window, so he could watch outside. He’d never actually been out of Japan before, so it would be interesting to see what the world looked like from the height.

L settled in the row across from him, documents between his fingers and a plethora of water bottles. “There’s in-flight entertainment on the screens. You should be able to move just enough to access them. I would suggest you just get comfy; this is a rather long flight.”

No shit.

He just sighed, and began to control the screen ahead of him, selecting a random movie, as none of the ones on the listing were ones he had seen before. Ryuk had fully moved to the back, immersed in his apples.

The plane took off down the runway, then lifted into the air, Japan disappearing below the clouds. Light surveyed the sight in wonder, as his home country grew smaller and smaller.

Barely an hour in, he heard L shifting, carefully maneuvering his way to the aisle. But he didn’t seem to be going anywhere, just walking back and forth.

“Doctor’s recommendation,” L said when their eyes met. “If I don’t move every once in a while, I risk forming blood clots in my legs. Pregnancy complication.”

I did not need to know that.

He’d told himself that his need to observe L was just that, gathering information about the elusive man in order to eventually beat him.

I don’t think so. There it was again, the innocent persona.

He didn’t give it an answer. Every conversation they’d ever had just left his head spinning, and now that there was company in the room, he really didn’t want their opinions of him to be lower than they already were.

He just sunk in his seat, pouring all attention to the sex scene in front of him, though he was bored as the man and woman went at each other like animals. Seriously. Sayu’s soap operas are better than whatever this trash is.

Oh.

He hadn’t thought of his sister since…he couldn’t remember. Though in his defense, between all the scheming, revelations, and L taking up most of the space, he really hadn’t found room for her.

There had been a reason, besides the risk of leaking it, he hadn’t told her of his double life. He had liked being the admirable older brother that always helped her with homework and sat down to watch television with her, even if he wasn’t invested in the drama.

Sayu vocally proclaiming her disdain for Kira had only cemented the decision. How was she doing now, as she knew the truth? All he knew was that the pedestal she’d put him on had surely crumbled, and since he wasn’t going to see her for who knows how long, there was little chance of regaining it.

And that hurt. Not just his pride, either.

He could feel his other self wiggling, emboldened by what he’d just admitted to himself, so he screwed his eyes shut, clamped it down with what willpower he could muster, and resolved to get this ride over with.

I survived months attached to L. I can handle fourteen hours in an enclosed space with him.

Chapter Text

“Elly? It’s been an hour.”

L blinked out of his half-asleep state, nodding at Ryuk. He undid his seatbelt, and carefully climbed out of his seat, wincing at the slight cramp he felt in his lower back. Water bottles were scattered all over his area, empty or half-full.

He’d instructed the shinigami to do a check-in every hour, so he could stretch his legs as per the doctor’s recommendation. He did not want to risk succumbing to exhaustion and have a health emergency. Though he was ready to collapse any second now, he stubbornly held onto consciousness, for the sake of his babies.

As he made his rounds, he gazed at Light. The young man was off in dreamland, head slumped and the remains of a cocktail and a tuna dish in his tray table. Took advantage of the different drinking age, did you? Looks like it knocked you out.

L never cared for alcohol, as the idea of surrending control of his mental facilities never appealed to him, as someone who prided himself on his genius mind. But he found himself bitterly jealous of Light at the moment.

All I’ve been through because of him, and he’s the one who gets a drink? Of course, as soon as I want one, I am unable to.

He kept looking at the handsome teen. It was telling that most of his followers had never even seen his face, falling under his sway with pure charm alone. They were already drawn to him with his acts of “judgement”, but it was his words that caused them to fully throw their support behind him. If they ever glanced at his conventionally attractive visage? That would be a bonus.

We are both good at getting others to do what we want. I use my authority, he relies on his charisma. When we combined our talents…we were truly unstoppable. If my plan works, imagine what we could accomplish.

L was familiar with plans that hinged on its target’s reaction. He would get under their skin, find out what makes them tick, and formulate based around that. And it always worked. Hell, that was how he lured Kira out, and gathered his evidence on Light, through construing his language around him and observing his responses.

With Light, however, while he could predict him, he’d never made a plan around improving one’s behavior, not accommodating for it. So he had nothing to reference, so all he could do was stay vigilant in case this didn’t work, and adjust as needed.

He wondered if this was worth possibly losing his life, and by extension the children’s if everything went wrong. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t be so careless about his life anymore, and here he was, depending on a killer having his worldview changed.

No. If Light-kun makes a move, I’ll execute him. Nothing will happen, because I will see it coming.

He may have not had it in him to off Light before, but if his babies were put in direct danger, he would do it. No amount of potential for redemption would save him then.

He sighed, shook his head a little, and craned his neck over to look out the window. They were lower in the sky, allowing him to see emerald fields and hilly terrain, signaling that they made it to the mainland.

He reached over, and gently tapped Light on the shoulder. “Light-kun, look. We’re in England.”

Light yawned, turned to where L was gesturing, and hummed. “Hmm. It’s very…green.”

“Green because it’s where they grow my apples!” Ryuk interjected, butting in their space. “I can practically taste them already!”

“Um…because you’re eating one right now?”

Ryuk’s tongue lapped at his thick black lips, smearing slimey apple chunks all over them, as he salivated. “Exactly, only they’re supposed to taste even better!”

Light made a disgusted expression and looked away. L wandered back to his seat to get another view, witnessing as they descended lower and lower.

He glanced at his belly, whispering. “Welcome to your home, little ones. I hope, and that’s very strange to me, because I usually don’t go ahead with a plan unless success is guaranteed, but I hope everything works out. For you both, for me…and your father.”

Light pinched at his skin in order to keep himself awake, watching as the vehicle drove past groves of trees on a secluded road. His body was screaming that he should be asleep right now, and he would agree, given that it was night in Japan right now.

But in England, it was only early afternoon, and the few snatches of rest he’d grabbed on the plane ride weren’t sufficient enough to stave off the exhaustion. Sleeping on a plane, as he found out, was not easy, and especially when his enemy was right across from him.

We didn’t have trouble sleeping when we were handcuffed to him.

You didn’t think of him as the enemy then.

I…I don’t want to think of L like that. We were friends!

L is a liar. You really think he meant that?

…I don’t. At least, not then. But why is L sparing us now?

Didn’t you listen? Ryuk wants entertainment. And I’m convinced it’s part of his bigger plan to stop me for some reason.

There are other ways to entertain the shinigami. And if L wanted an efficient way to stop you, he could’ve just killed us. Why do you think he’s putting that much effort towards getting you to change? Why is he offering you your freedom, provided you keep your end of the deal? I certainly don’t think he did the same for the conman and thief. So it can’t be that he just wants to use us.

I’ll…I’ll figure it out.

“We’re here,” L announced between bites of the apple he was eating.

Light shook his head, glancing out the black-tinted car window. They had halted in front of a large iron-wrought gate, and beyond that was a giant mansion, looking ripped from the pages of a Victorian novel. I wouldn’t have thought it an orphanage at first glance.

A figure was waiting at the entrance. He was an elderly man in a suit, holding his hand out. “Greetings, L. I take it you had smooth travels?”

L opened the door, climbing out. “Hello, Roger. Do you have that boatload of apples I requested?”

“Of course, sir, though I still don’t know why you wanted that…”

Light emerged next, examining his surroundings. The atmosphere darkened.

“So,” Roger’s expression tensed. “This is Kira?”

L nodded. “He’ll be staying here for the next while.”

“I see…”

Roger walked right up to Light, hand outstretched. “My name is Roger Ruvie, and I’m the manager of Wammy’s House For Gifted Youngsters.”

The teen picked up on the negative energy. “Light Yagami. And you look like you shouldn’t be around children.”

The man’s face turned red at that, and Light smirked. Off in the background, he heard the chuckles of Ryuk, and even L seemed to be having a hard time holding in his reaction. Why do I want to see him laugh more?

Roger coughed into his sleeve. “Well, allow me to escort you to your living quarters.”

“Actually,” L interjected. “I will be handling that. Roger, please notify my successors of my arrival. I’ll meet with them tomorrow.”

“As you wish,” and with that, Roger turned stiffly to disappear inside the mansion.

“So this is where you grew up?” Light asked as he trailed the detective. He couldn’t help marveling at all the architecture, the sheer scale. With some remodeling, it would be a fitting base for the God of the New World, with the added bonus of taking over L’s home.

“Ever since I was eight,” L answered as he directed their path, avoiding rooms that had too much noise in them, indicating company. “I didn’t stay long, though, as when I solved my first major case, I started traveling for my work. I’ve only been back here a few times. This will be the first time I will be convening here for more than a month.”

So L was a child prodigy, just like me. Only he was able to actually channel it into something stimulating, while I was forced to remain stuck with everyone else.

L led him to a random room in one of the many hallways. “Your belongings are already here, and you may arrange them in any way you like. If you have any questions, just come to me.”

Light stepped out into the room. It was filled with boxes, though his bed, dresser, and desk were already set up. He could already see security cameras in every corner, and probably more that couldn’t be seen with the naked eye.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. “But I’ll be fine.”

L hummed, finger tapping at his chin, finally releasing the handcuffs. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he scampered off to who knows where, leaving him alone.

Light sighed. He really would’ve liked to scheme right now, but he was tired, and the bed was calling to him. I’ve got plenty of time. L won’t be due for a while.

He found his clothes in one of the packages, and after a shower in the joined bathroom and changing into pajamas, he collapsed, relieved that the journey was finally over.

Now…the real planning begins.

If one could hear Ryuk, they would’ve probably mistaken his cries of ecstasy for him doing something much more…lewd than eating apples.

L had indeed delivered on his promise, and the shinigami was happily chomping his way through a veritable hill of red juicy goodness, having dedicated an entire room to just store the stuff.

This must be what humans think is heaven.

When L had mentioned that his homeland’s apples were much fresher, Ryuk didn’t know exactly what that meant, but now he had a good idea. Why else would the apples be much tastier, filling his maw with overflowing sweetness, and much bigger to boot?

He didn’t think it was possible for a death god to even get full, as he didn’t even have a stomach, but right now, he felt if he gobbled one more apple, he would explode. He sighed, leaning back on a pile like a recliner, letting out a large belch. Things are different. But I don’t mind.

There was a contrast between Light’s treatment of him and L’s. With Light, he was just…there. He hadn’t spoken to him unless he wanted to know something, bribe him with apples in exchange for a favor, or to explain his plans, and was ignored for the rest of the time. Which was justifiable in a public space, but even in the confines of his own room, he was just part of the scenery. Which he was fine with, don’t get him wrong! He just hadn’t realized how much better it could be.

But L, even if he too used apples as an incentive, actually engaged him in conversation, even apologizing for not speaking to him on the way to the plane. Even the handouts of apples were different; he was allowed to indulge regardless if he did something for him first, and L always stocked up, though half of it was for him.

Part of him knew it was L’s natural curiosity shining through; he hadn’t gotten much out of Rem, so he was eager for the chance to fully study a creature like himself. Ryuk was flattered at that, no one had been that interested in him as an individual before.

Oh. He should really check up on his human.

He wasn’t familiar with the layout of the structure, so with a quick scan via x-ray vision, he located L, and flew over quickly. It was a very plain room. A twin-sized bed with white sheets, a stand containing a lamp, bookshelves jammed to the brim with tomes and novels, a desk, and a mini-fridge.

L was in an armchair, laptop balancing on his thighs, head slumped. The screen illuminated his face, revealing his baggy eyes were closed, and deep breaths concurred with the rise and fall of his chest.

Looks like Elly tried to get some work done.

Ryuk carefully grasped the laptop, shutting it and setting it on the desk. He then placed one hand on L’s back and the other behind his legs, lifting him up. L actually seemed to curl into his touch, his head snuggling into his chest.

Adjusting his grip so only one arm was supporting the detective, he pulled back the blankets, lowering him into the gap, and tucked them over him.

For whatever reason, even in his sleep, L seemed comforted by his presence. Ryuk didn’t have any inkling as to why; humans sought warmth, and he was cold. It was understandable back in Japan; the shinigami was his only constant companion. But here, even in the company of other humans, L still zeroed in on him. It was interesting, as much as it was confusing.

Elly, you still find ways to surprise me.

But even he had to admit it was…endearing, in a way, L clinging to him like those koalas he saw once in a nature documentary. So he settled in for now, assuming his duty as L’s protector.

Here he was again. On the steps of headquarters, soaked to the bone, and L bowed before him, equally wet and spindly fingers pressing into his heel. Rain clattered, providing ambience in the backdrop of their scene.

He hadn’t really revisited this memory, between all that happened since then, and the thought of, what the fuck?

Had L known that he was set to die soon? His cryptic musings about the bells he heard, and the message of “You and I will be parting ways soon.” Light wouldn’t put it past him; the man was too damn smart. But even he was helpless against the tool of gods.

Bells. What was that about? At the time, L had likely assumed they were an omen of death. But bells also represented beginnings, so was that what they were really telling him? That he would soon welcome new life, new beginnings?

The foot massage though…that was the part that was really confusing. L had told him it was a way of atoning for his sins, but that just served to perplex him even more. If L had sensed his time was running out, was he just trying to get a rise out of him while he still could, hoping that he might incriminate himself in the process?

L was a good masseur…that much he could admit, and even this dream got his technique down.

He glanced at the detective, armed with knowledge of the future, and zoned in on his stomach. L had been unknowingly pregnant at the time. How would things have played out had this been revealed sooner? Well, he would have more space for planning around it, so perhaps things would’ve worked out in his favor.

Wait. What was L doing? He was rising, gripping Light’s knees and using them as a vantage point to haul himself closer. He positioned himself so he was sitting in his lap, hands clinging to his neck. Light turned a bright red as he remembered the last time he’d seen L like this, and it didn’t help that the other had settled upon a very…reactant area. He heaved, wanting to get away, but at the same time, liking it too much to do so.

L stared him down, grey eyes resembling twin voids. His black hair was damp with rainwater, drops sliding off. His pasty skin gleamed, shining in the darkness. A pink tongue poked out, seemingly done in a seductive way, as if he knew Light was getting hot and bothered.

Light could do nothing as L got closer and closer…until finally, a warm mouth brushed against his. A moan rumbled out before he could stop it, and he lost the battle, arms wrapping around the detective. He whined as L nibbled on his lower lip, and hissed in pleasure. His hands roamed around, feeling the older man’s skinny shoulders and back through the thin fabric.

L got bolder and nipped at Light’s neck, causing a very obscene sound to emanate. The teen buried his fingers in ebony strands, tangling them. L pulled him back into a steamy kiss, gasping into each other, groans echoing off and back again.

Light felt L take one of his hands off. He watched it go in a new direction, down, down, down - oh!

He clamped his teeth together, as L hooked a finger inside his waistband. He continued, gradually getting closer to his-

He jolted awake, heart thudding so loud he heard it in his head, and uncomfortably aroused. What the hell?

He then became aware of a new weight on his ankle, and he pushed the blankets aside to find a monitor around his foot, installed there while he was asleep. How did this happen without me waking up?

It was dark outside, the clock reading 9:02 p.m. My internal clock’s out of whack.

He sighed, and headed to the bathroom to take care of his problem. Why did I have a hot dream about L? Sure, we had sex once, but it’s not like I’m attracted to him or anything. It’s stupid to fantasize about the enemy after all. Maybe I was pent up or something, and my sleeping mind brought up L because he’s the only face I’ve seen recently.

Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something. The line between hatred and love runs very thin, after all.

Shut up.

The next day, Near and Mello were together, awaiting their mentor’s arrival. Mello kept a stoic look, but Near could tell by the slight trembling of his legs and the quicker breathing than normal that he was excited.

And for good reason. Neither one of them had glimpsed L’s face, only his voice. Even the white-haired boy could admit that deep down, the prospect of meeting L in the flesh was thrilling.

He was pretty sure that Mello hadn’t slept a wink, given that Matt’s room had the sounds of more than one person in there, but it didn’t seem to affect him at all, adrenaline seeping through his bones.

The door handle turned, the blonde muffling a squeal and Near keeping himself composed. It fully opened to reveal a thin man dressed like a hobo, complete with unbrushed hair and eye bags.

But his eyes - it was like looking in a mirror. The constant hunger to know more, the playfulness, the loneliness - it was something Near observed every time he saw himself. And that was how he knew instantly it was L.

“L!” Mello mustered up in a way that suggested he was struggling to keep his exuberance in check. “It’s really you.”

“L,” Near said respectively. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

L nodded at them, and then spoke - another way to verify his identity. “This meeting has been long overdue. I get your reports, but that’s nothing compared to watching you work in person. I recently learned how beneficial it can be when the people you’re working with can actually see you.”

“Why?” Mello questioned. “Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Yes, and that’s why I’m not doing that again unless I absolutely have to. For both my safety…” his hand slid towards his stomach. “...and theirs.”

“I can see why it would be beneficial,” Near piped up. “You had to meet with the Japanese Task Force because they didn’t trust you, as all you were to them was a voice behind a screen. Showing your face was an act of trust, and they gave it in turn, allowing the investigation to continue without suspicion.”

“Correct,” L answered, at which the emo boy scowled.

“So…Kira’s here? We tried to get a look but Roger wouldn’t let us,” Mello said.

“And for good reason,” L knelt down, tight-lipped. “I am already putting us all at great risk just allowing him to come here. He doesn’t know of your status as my successors, but I fear he may figure it out if he’s given enough to go off of. You’re all intelligent, but so is he. I would’ve fallen victim to him myself, had a twist of fate not favored me.”

“What?” Mello was gaping. “That can’t be true! You’re supposed to be untouchable!”

“As I learned the hard way, I am not,” L responded grimly. “Kira proved my match, and it was only luck that I was even given the chance to get the upper hand.”

Mello was silent, looking as though he was rethinking his entire life. Near did understand to some extent; L had been hyped up as this mysterious figure that they should aspire to be like, capable of world-shattering feats. To find out the man behind the moniker was just as human as the next person was startling.

Even human enough to…give into natural desires.

“Anyway,” L continued. “Kira, for now, will be confined to a certain area of the manor. If he follows the parameters of his parole, I’ll allow him more access, as part of the privileges he’ll have to earn. Part of that will be the ability to interact with others.”

“So you want us to meet him?” Near, having deduced that immediately, asked.

“There may come a time in your career that you’ll face an opponent that’s an equal in intelligence,” L explained. “As I just did. I believe it may be good for you to learn how to work around them, using Kira as your guinea pig. But I won’t do that until I’m certain he can’t try anything. I will not risk your lives on this.”

“What can he do?” Mello rolled his eyes. “You said that his method of murder, whatever that was, was removed.”

“It wasn’t the method that made him dangerous,” L’s face darkened. “It was his mind. And I refuse to let anyone else die under my watch. I won’t.”

Near sensed pain at the forefront. “I understand. I won’t underestimate him, I promise.”

The older boy huffed, but bobbed his head up and down.

L then looked up above them. Near and Mello followed his gaze, but they saw nothing but empty air. “You may now touch them, Ryuk-san.”

Before Near could inquire what that was about, he felt a tap on his head. He turned around, and saw a grotesque creature with a rock ‘n’ roll vibe. He was holding a notebook, which had been the thing that touched him. He then proceeded to do the same to Mello, who yelped and stumbled back.

“What the fuck is that thing?!” he yelled.

The creature laughed. “So these are the mini-Ellys? The white one looks like your younger clone!”

“Boys,” L came to the paranormal being’s side. “This is Ryuk-san, a shinigami. He’s been a vast help to me in this case. He’ll also help me explain Kira’s murder weapon.”

“So shinigami are real,” Near mused. In hindsight, that explains so much. Kira’s killings don’t make sense under normal methods, so it’s logical it would under a fantastical one.

“Elly promised me lots of apples,” Ryuk stated. “So you better listen, and listen good.”

“Is that why you made that huge apple order?” Mello blurted out.

“Guilty as charged!” The death god then started salivating. “I had such a good time yesterday…English apples are superior to Japanese ones…”

“Sit down,” L told them. “This is a rather long story.”

Near and Mello did as instructed, as L and Ryuk began the tale of two super-geniuses, pitted against each other, with the fall of a single notebook that was more than it appeared…

Chapter Text

November 25

L didn’t know where he was. But it was somewhat peaceful, green fields dotted with begonias, clear blue skies, and a river streaming past, the sound of water rushing providing music in the otherwise silent scene.

Ever so logical, L knew this must be a dream. He didn’t have them often, as his previous sleep schedule didn’t allow much opportunity for occurrences. When he did though…there was a reason other than his workload that he had insomnia.

But he was pleasantly surprised this time around. Usually, his dreams would waste no time digging up traces of parental abandonment, an especially gory crime that he hadn’t been trained to handle at the time, and occasionally, and more recently, a dark visage of Light with glowing red eyes, smirking at him from above, as Watari died in the next room over, utterly helpless.

This seemingly perfect dream just put him on alert. He never had good dreams, so this must be a trick. His eyes darted around, scanning for any sign of an upcoming nightmare.

He caught sight of two figures, making him stand up and creep to the river’s edge. They seemed to be children, around five years old, and they were laughing, tumbling around in the grass. Their features were blurred, though, and L couldn’t get more detail than that.

Are those…my children? Makes sense I can’t see them very well. After all, I don’t know what they’ll look like, so my dream can’t fill in their faces from my mind.

Suddenly, he felt a strong shove, and he fell forward, splashing into the river. The smooth rippling water turned into a raging ocean in an instant, dragging him under. He fought back, struggling to breathe despite it not being real.

He managed to break the surface long enough to see who had pushed him. He wasn’t shocked that it was Light, sadistic smile and all.

Light’s amber eyes became a striking scarlet. “You made a mistake, L, letting me live. You’ll only drown in the long run.”

In a fraction of a second, he held the squirming children, and he tossed them in as well, and they disappeared under the waves. L’s eyes widened and he scrambled desperately to their last location, but the water was determined to hold him back.

“You can’t save them, L. You’ve doomed them even before they’re born.”

Unfortunately, the detective succumbed to the river of death, pulling him down. His vision blackened as he ran out of air, drowning in despair…

“No!” L gasped as he shot up, his chest aching with the force of his inhales. Tears rolled down his hollow cheeks, staining his shirt and bedding.

“Elly!” his shinigami bodyguard was at his side in a split second. “What’s got you all worked up?”

Knowing it was futile to try to swallow his hormones back, he cried profusely, curling his knees into his chest. He buried his face into his thighs, feeling so scared.

Long black-sleeved arms snaked their way around his balled-up form, and Ryuk’s chilly body pressed against his. His feathery wings extended, adding an extra layer to the hug.

Instantly, L felt himself relax, soothed by the now-familar touch of the paranormal being. He idly reached out to pet Ryuk’s wing, marveling at how soft the feathers were.

Ryuk made a sound that reminded him of a cat’s purr, and he grinned at the new information, tears forgotten. “Does Ryuk-san like that?”

The shinigami slowly removed himself, bashful. If his kind were capable of blushing, L imagined that was what he would be doing.

“Yeah,” Ryuk admitted. “Surprised me. I’ve never been touched like that before.”

“Touch is something I had to learn to tolerate,” L explained. “I beat up all the other children on my first day here, because I freaked out when they tried to touch me. I’ve since been able to control my reactions, but it was never something I actively sought out.”

Light-kun, his mind helpfully supplied, but he pushed that - and the jolt of fear it brought - away.

He chuckled. “Figures that the first person I don’t mind doing it isn’t even human.”

Ryuk snickered. “That is funny. But what about Light-o? You certainly didn’t seem to mind his, either.”

His breath caught in his throat, pink tinting his cheeks. “...I didn’t. I wonder if that was what friendship was - being able to trust that he wouldn’t hurt me with his touch.”

“You really liked him that much?” Ryuk chewed on his claw.

“I did,” L answered, chest growing heavy. “I don’t know what to think about him now, but I want that feeling back - and I’m giving him the opportunity to do so.”

“Even risking the outcome that he’d just burn you again?”

“That is a big possibility, and every day, I wonder if I should continue on with it. Everyone here could die, and it’d be my fault. But then I think, what if he wants that too?”

Ryuk looked as if L had said he was going to wear socks. “Seriously? You’re banking on Mr. I-Don’t-Value-Lives?”

“With all I knew about Light-kun before he touched the notebook, there’s no way he should’ve instantly snapped back to his Kira mode,” L theorized, thumb to lip. “You saw how different the two personas were, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” the death god stated. “I had to look at his lifespan just to be sure it wasn’t his identical twin or something.”

“Maybe I’m just being unrealistically optimistic, but the contrast shouldn’t have allowed a complete assimilation seamlessly. The Light-kun I befriended has to still be there.”

“I don’t know…” Ryuk shrugged. “All I can see is Kira. Ironically, for all his proclamations that humanity was rotten, he was the rottenest one I’d ever seen.”

“You may be right.”

They fell into an uneasy silence, Ryuk looking as if he didn’t know what else to say. L nibbled at his nail, tired but unable to return to his slumber. He couldn’t face the possibility of returning to that feeling of helplessness, Light drowning the children while he couldn’t do anything-

He snapped out of his spiraling by Ryuk’s claw landing on his shoulder. “You were starting to shake,” he whispered. “What’s up?”

“I’m afraid,” L confessed. “And my fear has manifested in my dreams in the form of Light-kun killing the children while I’m forced to watch. While I’m hopeful that he can redeem himself, I’m also terrified that he won’t. And the children would have to pay the price for me taking a gambit.”

“What happened? Aren’t you confident that you can catch him in the act, before any damage is done?”

“Yes, but I’m paranoid that I somehow won’t. Maybe before all this, I’d be more certain of myself, but I suppose almost dying to him is a humbling experience. After all, for all intents and purposes, he outwitted me, and I should’ve been six feet under by now. It was a pure stroke of fate, consequences catching up, that allowed me the victory.”

“Hey,” Ryuk huddled in closer. “The King wants you to live to give birth, and that’s what I intend to do. Just…know you won’t be the only one having their eyes on him.”

“Really? Isn’t he a source of entertainment?”

“Yeah, but I like the entertainment you provide better.”

“Don’t die, Ryuk-san.”

“I won’t. You may be my priority, but I also value my own life.”

L giggled at that. “As someone who recently learned how valuable that is, don’t ever change that.”

Ryuk made a comically horrified expression. “I would never!”

There were a few beats before Ryuk’s eyes passed over L’s abdomen, and he let out an excited squeal. “Elly! Your babies…they’re moving!”

“They are?” L cupped his slightly bloated belly, smiling at it. It was far too early to actually feel it, of course, but it was indisputable proof of the life inside there.

“Yep!” Ryuk confirmed. “Wriggling around like there’s no tomorrow!”

“Perhaps the obstetrician can actually capture footage of it at my appointment tomorrow.”

“If only you could see what I can see. It’s fascinating!”

“I imagine it is.”

L suddenly yawned, and he gained a bemused look. “And it looks like they want me to sleep.”

Ryuk plopped down on the bed, sitting. “I’m always here, as you know, but nothing will happen while you sleep.”

That was comforting. Even if he still feared the nightmares, he wouldn’t be alone in the real world. “Thank you.”

He settled in for the night, while his paranormal protector stood watch in his most vulnerable hours.

Light jumped as L entered his room unexpectedly, manila files tucked underneath his arm. “Jesus!”

“Hello, Light-kun,” L said nonchalantly. “Your service starts today.”

Light shook his head, willing away the dredges of adrenaline. “You could’ve knocked, you know.”

“And risk you hiding anything you wouldn’t want me to see?”

“Well, I wasn’t. Just give me the case folders.”

In actuality, the teen was grateful - he’d spent the first few days here exploring, watching out for any hidden gaps to exploit, vulnerable minds to manipulate. But as he was confined to only a certain area, (his ankle bracelet would instantly beep and give him a volt if he stepped out of bounds, and he wasn’t keen on finding out what happened if he ignored the warning. L had also shown up, meaning that it had a connection to him.) it was a daunting task, with security armed to the teeth, and firewalls for days, and staff that was resistant to his charms. He’d also been alone, which likely meant any children had been excavated from his side prior to his arrival. He couldn’t plan, not with so many unknowns, so right now, it was best to lay in wait and play nice until he got access to what he needed. He hated the feeling of control being out of his hands, but assured himself that one day, he’d have it back.

And no, he wasn’t spending his nights dreaming about L’s body shut up-

But that also meant he was bored. And with no magic notebook to vent it out, he was practically jumping out of his skin, and he didn’t feel like immersing himself online, either, because every time he was reminded of his failure and he was so sick of it.

Even if the cases were a piece of cake, they were at least a distraction.

“Normally, I’d find these types of cases too dull for me, and I wouldn’t take them on,” L explained. “But we would find ourselves very limited had these gone to the cutting room floor. And I want to give you as many opportunities as possible to earn your freedom.”

“Why?” Light blurted before he could take it back. “I know mercy isn’t your forte, L. You’ve never had a problem killing, why are you holding back now?”

L stared, endless pools of grey resembling the ones in his dreams. “You’re smart, Light-kun,” he stated, something behind it that he couldn’t decipher. “I’m sure you can figure it out. If you can…maybe you’ll know why execution is the real mercy. Something to think about while you work those cases. Clock is ticking.”

Should’ve known he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Whatever, I’ll find out all your secrets, L.

Maybe you should consider-

No.

L plopped the stack of folders on Light’s desk. “I estimate that I can solve all of these within the day, just to give you a timeframe to work with. You want to make the world a better place? It starts here.”

Light wanted to argue, rattle off all the statistics and facts about how he made the world better with the Death Note…but he realized that’d just be wasting his time. It was a blow to his pride to admit that to himself, that there was someone that he couldn’t convert to his cause no matter what.

“Whatever,” Light huffed, flipping open the first case file. “I need peace and quiet. Can you please get out?”

L hummed, gazing at him with…hurt? But before he could ponder further, he was gone, like he didn’t want Light to see that.

Okay then…I’ll figure that out later. 

Name, age, sex, race, height, occupation, family…he quickly skimmed those, mentally cataloguing them in case they were relevant. He quickly found out what L meant by these being ‘easy’ cases.

A Scottish middle-aged man was found dead in his bed. Hours earlier, he had complained of abdominal pain and vomiting, but had gone to sleep, resolving to go to the doctor if his symptoms continued. The autopsy had found arsenic circulating around his body. He had been poisoned, but through what means?

Interviews with the man’s family and acquaintances had been conducted, so he quickly pulled those up, and read through them. The wife had mentioned that the man had suffered racism, especially from a coworker, and inquiries from other workmates correlated her account. He had levelled multiple complaints with the higher-ups, but they dismissed him. Finally, he got a promotion the troublesome coworker had been jockeying for. The day before his death, the man had been out to dinner.

Light was already pretty sure he knew the suspect, and if he had his notebook, he would’ve had a new name to write down. But he sighed, having to go through the arduous, painstaking, and unreliable way of doing things.

There was a hard drive contained in the folder, and he plugged it in, as it brought up footage of the restaurant the man had attended. It was nearly empty, perfect for a murder attempt. He watched as the man ate his dinner, not noticing another patron come in, and sit very far away from him, recognizable as the racist coworker. When the victim got up to use the restroom, the killer snuck over, and put something in his drink, making a hasty exit before the man came back out.

Perfect. He wrote his conclusions, setting it aside, so that the suspect could be brought in and make a confession. That was one down, and it had only taken him half an hour.

As he chipped away at his work, a feeling of strangeness settled in his belly, making him uneasy. He couldn’t fathom why, though, and by habit, he found himself looking over his shoulder or at the other side of the room, total silence like he’d asked. That certainly hadn’t been his environment on the Kira Task Force-

Oh.

When he’d been amnesic and eager to take down Kira, he had grown accustomed to chewing and sucking sounds as L devoured his sugar stash, large silver eyes hovering over him as they looked through evidence together, coming up with the same conclusion, the detective creating a tower of creamer containers as he thought-

It seems you’re missing him.

What?! No I’m not! I’ve just got so used to his presence while working that it’s an…adjustment, that’s all!

L’s habits would be annoying to anyone else. I thought you’d be relieved you wouldn’t have to witness him stuffing as many marshmallows into his mouth as possible.

I…I am! Who wants to be next to someone who never uses manners while eating?

I’d question that too…but I find it rather endearing. Do you think so, too? Is that why you are unsettled while trying to work in his absence?

I cannot with you. Endearing is the last word I’d use to describe L. And his staring is creepy.

We stared at him too, a lot. Don’t you find you can get lost in his eyes? Seeing the gears running, taking the very same path ours took? L is special to me. And I think he is to you, too.

Oh, gag me.

“Finished!” L announced, head poking through his door. Light frowned, looking at three case files he had yet to peruse through. He gazed at the clock, and it said 2 p.m. “I thought I had a day!”

“Seems I underestimated myself,” L mused, nibbling his finger. “You may be as smart as I am, Light-kun, but you have relatively little experience in detective work, compared to me. I expect you’ll bridge the gap as you gain more exposure.”

“And you knew I wouldn’t beat you on the first try?”

“There was a ten percent possibility you would. I even gave you all the pieces of the puzzle to make it easier.”

“I don’t need training wheels, L! I literally worked on the Kira Case!”

L gave him an unimpressive look, and Light realized too late why that wasn’t the most apt reference.

“Regardless,” L stated dryly. “Other than your freshness to the field, I can’t go out to do the in-depth work myself as I would’ve liked to, due to my condition, so I’ve had my successors gather all the info needed.”

“You have successors?!” The idea of that was absurd to Light. No one else could be L!

“Yes, and if you had defeated me, you would’ve had to face them,” L smiled. “And I have no doubt they would’ve succeeded. You may meet them one day…provided you earn that privilege.”

Light gritted his teeth, as L turned around. “The next batch of cases will arrive tomorrow. See you then.”

Great. Now what was he supposed to do?

Hmm…successors. Maybe they’re the key to getting to L. I suppose I’ll have to work even faster at these cases, then see if I can take advantage of them. Might be hard, if they’re anything like L, but they’re young, and young means vulnerable.

Ryuk stared intently as Near took a tiny oddly-shaped piece and joined it with its brethren, the entire thing a blank white sheet with hundreds of cracks running through it.

He’d decided to haunt one of the heirs today, and had come across Near first, so that’s whom he chose. Of course, he still kept an eye on L, through his superior shinigami vision. He wasn’t going to lose his place here!

Near was so much like L, and that was kind of a shock, given they’d never even met before now. Ryuk had barely scraped the surface when it came to humanity’s wonders, but he knew behaviors were usually a taught thing, with a few exceptions to that rule. Light certainly hadn’t learned his lack of care towards life from his family.

Honestly, the average person probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between L and Near at a base level, but the shinigami had picked them out.

While L enjoyed games, he mostly stuck to those pertaining to the mind. Near played those types as well, for the sake of his practice investigations, but he didn’t hold the same enthusiasm for them. In fact, he seemed more into the physical ones, messing around with his robot models and throwing dice. Paradoxically, he also emoted more, prone to tiny smiles as he achieved a victory.

Currently, Near held a stoic look of concentration as he added another piece to the puzzle. Ryuk may as well have not been there.

“Why are you doing it upside-down?” Ryuk had seen the picture on the box was of a beach lined with seashells.

“The challenge,” Near answered without breaking from his activity. “It’s much harder when I don’t have the colors to give me clues.”

What was it with super-geniuses and their preferences for the difficult path? “Why?”

“It’d be too boring. I tend to finish schoolwork early, so this is the most efficient way I’ve found to spend my afternoons.”

“You sound like Elly. If he didn’t have his babies to look after, he probably would’ve gone crazy by now.”

“I personally don’t understand why he chose to keep them, as taking care of another human is difficult at best. But he has his reasons, and it’s his choice if he tells me. And did you imply there’s more than one?”

Crap. Elly didn’t tell me if it was okay. “Yeah. But maybe don’t let him know I told you that?”

Near nodded. “I wish L the utmost best then. Becoming a parent, especially to multiples, is not something just anyone can do.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Ryuk laid back, removing an apple he’d stored in his wings. “Shinigami don’t become parents.”

“How does your race reproduce then?”

“We can’t. Don’t have the parts for it. Maybe we did once, given the no-sex rule, but good luck trying to get the Old Man to discuss it. Whatever that was, I was created long after.”

“How did you come into existence, then?”

“I…uh…actually don’t know,” Ryuk felt winded as his mind opened that line of inquiry for the first time. “Just, I was there suddenly, handed my Death Note, and I knew my purpose instinctively. Not the rules - those had to be taught - but I came out fully baked, without all the growing and learning you humans have to go through first.”

He took a bite. “Suppose that’s partly why I’m so intrigued by Elly’s babies. I know a lot about death. But I know zilch about life. How do humans go from totally helpless to standing on their own?”

Near shrugged, connecting another piece. “There’s been a lot of studies on that topic. A majority of it is learned behavior, or nurturing, and maturity.”

“Humans are very impressionable, as I’ve seen.”

“That is sadly accurate.”

Ryuk hummed, sinking his teeth into the apple’s juicy flesh. “I find it hard to believe you haven’t met Elly until now, as you’re so much like him. I mean, how did you even learn that facial expression without looking at it for reference?”

“That’s a conundrum,” Near mused. “I’ve…always been like this, for as long as I can remember. I didn’t have anyone close enough to imprint upon, either. I wonder if the similarities is partly the reason L chose me to succeed him.”

“Certainly not only that. I saw how fast you whipped through that file.”

The white-haired boy reached for the final piece, reuniting it with its brothers. He smiled, a look of victorious triumph expressed vividly. “And that’s the five-hundred-and-sixty-ninth puzzle I’ve completed.”

The shinigami’s eyes bulged at that freakishly huge number. “In all your life? Wow, you are one focused human, Nate River.”

“Quiet, please,” Near requested. “Please don’t give out my real name so carelessly.”

"Fine, but don’t worry. I can’t give it out to people who don’t already know it.”

Misa mentally sighed as makeup artists dolled her up for an upcoming commercial shoot, promoting a new line of hair products. As part of her parole, she’d been allowed to continue her career, so she could look out for any higher-ups with pro-Kira ties. Ironic, given that she herself was helping to fund one such group, but as a cover.

It had been a while since she’d seen Teru and the other members of Kira’s Kingdom, as they couldn’t meet that often for fear of leaving footprints, and honestly, she was returning to the feelings of loneliness and depression she had pre-Light. Light had helped distract her from her inner pain, but he wasn’t here now. He was thousands of miles away, under lock and key, and L hadn’t even told her his location.

There had also been Rem, who was always by her side if her boyfriend couldn’t be, and Misa found she had not thought of her for a long time. Despite the shinigami’s reservations about her choices, she ultimately supported her. She did what was asked of her regardless of her personal feelings on the matter.

Even…dying for her.

Misa had known what would happen to Rem, and though she felt a bit ill at the thought of one she knew perishing, she went through with it, because it was the only way to clear the last obstacle remaining in Light’s path.

I’m sorry you died for nothing, Rem.

It was weird now, walking around without a supernatural spectre. It came with a sense of vulnerability, with no second pair of eyes to alert her of oncoming threats. And no, L’s security add-ons didn’t count in the least. (She was certain there were people watching her at all times to make sure she didn’t step out of line. Pervert.)

Cameras flashed as the director yelled instructions, Misa moving robotically to obey the orders. She smiled and posed, none of it real as it looked.

Finally, after a few hours of it, it was over. She washed off the glamour and slipped back into her disguise. She’d gotten some practice in going unnoticed with this assignment, but it only reinforced the feeling of isolation.

She saw couples out on the streets, talking about everything and nothing, arms wrapped around each other in closeness. Her heart ached.

“Misa-Misa? Is that you?”

She whipped her head around, seeing a dark-haired young woman dressed professionally.

“Don’t tell anyone,” she pleaded. “I’m not supposed to be seen.”

“I understand,” the other nodded. “My name is Kiyomi Takada.”

Have I heard that name before?

“Nice to meet you,” she said. “If you want an autograph or something, I’m afraid I’m not giving any out at the time.”

“No, nothing like that,” Kiyomi assured. “Since you knew Light, I was wondering if you knew what happened to him.”

Misa froze. “How do you know that?”

“I go to To-Oh,” she explained. “I heard about the spectacle your arrival on campus brought. According to eyewitnesses, you were seen with him and his fellow freshmen representative Hideki Ryuga. Were you his newest girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Misa sighed. “And sorry, I don’t know what happened. He…just up and vanished.”

“I’ve tried going to his house to see if his family knew, but no one answered. But I think they know. We’ve all been told he transferred to a school in another country…but I don’t buy that. Light’s always stayed on his home turf.”

Misa bit her lip, afraid that if she stayed any longer, she would start spilling her guts, ending any hope of seeing Light again. “Sorry, I have to go now.”

“Would you like my number? As a former girlfriend, I think it would be good to talk about him.”

A flare of jealousy shot through her veins. She didn’t like to be reminded of the fact that she was far from Light’s first relationship, and she would make sure it’d be the last he’d ever have. But that wouldn’t be nice to Kiyomi. “Sure.”

Reaching into her purse, Kiyomi took out a tiny notebook and ripped a sheet of paper out. Unearthing a pen next, she uncapped it with her mouth and wrote down her number. She handed it to Misa.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll see you sometime.”

As Kiyomi hurried off, Misa clutched the paper in her hands, feeling a little lighter.

Chapter Text

It was sunny, interspersed with blotches of cloud cover. A cool breeze blew gently, offsetting the natural heat generated.

L didn’t know if it would’ve been better had it rained instead. It would certainly be a more appropriate atmosphere, given the event taking place today.

Watari’s funeral.

He wore a black hoodie over his usual attire, hiding his face, at the very back of the crowd gathered. The majority still didn’t know who he was, but with the average level of intelligence in this area, it was necessary to take precautions. Near and Mello were already treading dangerous territory with their association with him, and the only reason he’d even approached them directly was to make them aware of this fact, and keep an eye on them. He couldn’t risk bearing the burden of more lives on his shoulders.

At least he wasn’t alone. Ryuk was by his side as always. (The heirs were further up front, so no one would connect the dots.) He was curious about the concept of a funeral, and so attended as well.

Said shinigami looked bored, his body drooping, as Roger spoke an eulogy. “This is taking forever. Overkill if you ask me, for a dead human.”

“Watari and Roger have known each other for the majority of their lives,” L explained quietly, so he didn’t disrupt (and also so his recognizable voice wouldn’t be heard). “It’s only natural that Roger has a lot to say about him.”

“But he’s dead. He’s not gonna come back. All this talking ain’t gonna change that.”

“I know, and so does everyone else. I’ve known this would happen someday, although I’d hoped it would be by natural causes. We humans have long since accepted death as an inevitability.”

“What’s the point of this, then? This Watari guy ain’t around to appreciate it.”

“It’s…a celebration, I suppose. Cultures around the world have their own ways of dealing with death, but that’s a common thread all around. By speaking of our memories of him, we’re celebrating the life he lived, how much we…loved him.”

“Hmm,” Ryuk hummed, a thoughtful expression on his face. “And then you bury him in the ground where he’ll decompose into dust?”

“It’s a widespread tradition, although sometimes cremation is done instead. It’s our way of giving him a dignified spot to do so.”

“You humans sure do strange things.”

Watari’s casket was slowly lowered into the ground, then promptly covered up by dirt. The crowd gradually dispersed, ultimately not having as much of a connection to the old man as L did.

But now that he was the only human around, he made his way over to the fresh grave, crouching down. He winced as sparks of pain radiated in his legs. It was getting harder to be in his preferred position, as the extra weight he’d been gaining strained his muscles.

“Hello, Watari,” he began gently. For some reason, he just felt…empty. Like he’d already cried all his tears and now he had nothing left to shed. The ache he’d carried ever since his caretaker’s death had dulled as time went on, with a few flare-ups in between, to the point he barely noticed it anymore. He’d chalked it up to the other priorities demanding his time, but now that there were no other distractions…

“I’m expecting,” he said suddenly. “I don’t know if you would’ve approved, but I like to believe you would’ve supported my decision. You always did…”

His fingers traced swirls around his stomach, shaping the little bump. “I wish you were here. You raised me, so you would have some idea on how to be a parent. I still don’t know how I’m going to handle that…but I will do my damn best.”

“Do you think I did the right thing? Letting Light-kun live and prove his worth?” The detective closed his eyes. “I’m still debating that. But only time will tell if it was.”

“I’m sorry that I don’t have more to say. Everything is just a lot right now, and I haven’t had much opportunity to really process. But I’ll pay more visits when I have something else to get off my chest. Rest well, Watari.”

Ryuk had been silently observing the whole time. “Do humans talk to corpses?”

L got up, stretching his joints as he did so. “Some believe that the message will get to them somehow. I personally don’t believe in any afterlife, as evidence about that is flimsy at best, but it still helps.”

“I know what happens after death. Want me to tell you?”

“As much as I do, I don’t know if I really want to have that knowledge hanging over my head for the rest of my life.”

“Fair enough. But Watari’s not suffering, is that good enough for you?”

“Very much. Thank you.”

As they strolled through the green field, Ryuk stopped in his tracks, a look of dawning realization settling in. “This ‘funeral’, all that reminiscing and memories…Light-o caused that all over, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” L stated bitterly. “The majority of his victims were criminals, but they still had loved ones. And I admit I didn’t care much about that, either. I was willing to let more die just to get evidence, to keep playing the game. It all seemed so far away…Ukita-san died, but I was still somewhat disassociated from it, perhaps because I wasn’t in the area where it happened. Then Watari…that was the point I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening anymore. It wasn’t a game, and I could no longer treat it as such, not when the consequences of my arrogance slapped me in the face. That combined with the news of my pregnancy…I have a new lease on life now.”

“And you should. You have only one life, and you don’t have the option of extending it like I do. I always found it fascinating what humans could accomplish with the short amount of time they have.”

“Some of us are driven by that realization. They know that they only have a limited amount of time, so they spend that making their mark on the world, having once-in-a-lifetime experiences, just…living.”

“And yet with the endless amount of time us shinigami have, we just sit on our asses and let our world rot around us. I wonder if that’s why. We’ve become so complacent with our lot, no real motivation to do something new.”

“Maybe you can change that, Ryuk-san. You can show your people a better way to live.”

“Hyuk, tough luck. Who’d even listen to me? Before the whole ‘dropping a Death Note’ thing, I wasn’t exactly the most notable, if you catch my drift.”

“You may be surprised, Ryuk-san.”

“You say such strange things, Elly. But I like it.”

“Ryuk-san, do I look more…feminine to you?”

The shinigami looked up. He’d been hanging around the bathroom, sitting on the tiled counter, about to take a morsel of a delicious apple when L had posed the question.

“Huh?”

L frowned, inky hair damp and clinging to his neck. A towel was wrapped around his waist, his growing belly on display. “I haven’t taken my testosterone for three weeks now. I’m debating if the miniscule changes I’m detecting are really there or if I’m just looking too deeply into it.”

“Well, you do look a bit softer than before, if that’s what you meant,” Ryuk offered. “But I figured that was another pregnancy symptom.”

“I know that could also be it. But I’m still not really sure, and it’s driving me crazy!”

“In what way?”

L sighed. “Ryuk-san…have you ever been told something was normal, but you know it’s not? That it was best to follow societal expectations, even though it contradicted your very being? Feeling that you’re drowning under the role you’ve been assigned, to the point your very skin feels suffocating?”

Gender wasn’t really something Ryuk thought about. Sure there were male and female shinigami, but that was probably for convenience. It wasn’t as if they had the necessary organs to tell them apart anyway.

Despite his own pronouns, he didn’t really know what made someone male without the genitals.

But even so, he could relate in another manner. “Yeah, actually. I was told to just stay in my own lane and be a good shinigami. And it was killing me. Worst part was, anytime I told someone of how bored I was, they simply said the feeling was normal and came with the territory. I was clawing at the bit for any form of stimulation, desperate enough to fling a Death Note into the mortal world and see what happened.” He grinned. “Best decision of my life.”

L stared at his reflection in the mirror, looking as if he was trying to pick out any irregularity in the body shown. One hand on his abdomen and the other rubbing his scarred chest, shaping the crescents cut into his flesh.

“I’ve known as long as I could remember, that something wasn’t right,” he mentioned. “But no adult would take me seriously. All I knew was that I squirmed incessantly any time my biological gender was mentioned, and that the male label made me more comfortable.

“When I met Watari, I told him I was a boy, and given that I was rather androgynous as a child, he bought it. But I was outed quickly by others who knew the truth. Thankfully though, he didn’t care, and when I turned sixteen, he gave me the means to transition.”

“How did you know you were male?” Ryuk inquired. “I’ve kinda always thought it meant what was between your legs.”

“Gender’s a complicated thing,” L huffed. “I’m not certain if I can describe the ‘feeling’ of being male, but it was just what felt right for me, even more so after I injected the necessary hormones to match what I was inside. But I feel like I’m backsliding…”

“Because you’re doing something that’s usually reserved for the females of your species?”

“Exactly. Gender dysphoria. I want to have the children, but I have to deal with thoughts of wrongness and my skin crawling.”

“Eugh, sounds much easier if you’d just been born in the body you wanted,” Ryuk threw his head back, swallowing his apple in one gulp. Humans always have to complicate things.

“I would like that, but then again, this wouldn’t have been possible if I did. As fantastical as the Death Notes are, I believe crossing biological barriers isn’t something they’re capable of.”

“Well, we didn’t think Death Notes could contribute to conception, either, so who knows?”

“How do shinigami view gender? I know from Rem-san and Nu-san that there are females of your kind, but none of you have the parts that would traditionally designate you all as such.”

Ever since he’d become entangled in L’s life, Ryuk had been having thoughts. Thoughts that on his own, he wouldn’t have come upon. But L asked questions that he didn’t know the immediate answer to, and therefore he had to dig deeper into a past he could only speculate about, going off of the little bits he’d gleaned from the oldest of the shinigami.

For the first time in his existence, Ryuk found himself pondering on the nature of his people, the hows and whys.

“I think we may have adopted the usage of pronouns from the humans,” he theorized. “I guess we just picked what felt right to us. I certainly don’t mind being a he, but otherwise I don’t care.”

“I envy that. To be a blank slate, able to assign your own labels without having to fight off the previous.”

L finally tore his gaze away from the mirror, exiting the bathroom. The shinigami followed dutifully, as the detective began to poke through his drawers. “Thank you, Ryuk-san. That was an enlightening conversation.”

“Really?” Ryuk touched his chest. “You…like talking to me?” Why do I feel like melting?

“As you’re nonhuman, the insights you have to offer are unique. Plus you’ve been doing a lot for me. It may be because it’s your duty, but I can’t see why it shouldn’t be more fun for you.”

Huh…almost forgot it was even an obligation.

For once, Ryuk the shinigami seemed out of words, as L got dressed and scampered off to his next item on his to-do list. I knew you were interesting, Elly, but even I didn’t anticipate how much. You’ve got me experiencing new things, and while confusing, also fun!

Although when L gagged and bolted back to the bathroom, he cringed and turned away. Even he didn’t think that was fun.

A new photo awaited Light when he awoke in the middle of the night.

Seriously? First the ankle bracelet and now this? Does this place employ ninjas or something?

But when he took a better look, he realized it was an ultrasound capture. Right. He’s passed the eight-week mark.

He studied it intently. The twins had gone up in size, their abnormal features fading as development continued. Little webby knobs that would become fingers, flaps on the sides of their heads that were making way for ear formation, and a dark blotch on their faces that he could only guess were their eyes.

Still don’t know why L insisted on keeping me updated on their progress, but I’m not complaining.

Uh, yes you do? As the father, you have the right to know.

That wouldn’t matter to L. Is he trying to keep me confused so I won’t realize what he’s doing until it’s too late? I mean, I already know, so it’s futile.

Do you automatically assume that everything L does has malevolent intent?

Pfft, yeah. It’s what he’s always done.

Would you call “convincing you to stop your bloody crusade” malevolent?

Well, of course! I’m going to make everything right! And he’s trying to stop my perfect world from coming into fruition!

Right for everyone, or right just for you?

What do you mean? It’ll be right for everyone!

Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself?

I don’t need convincing! I’m always right!

And that’s your biggest flaw. You’re always so sure of yourself, that you decline to think of the possibility that you might be…wrong. That people won’t act like the specific categories you place them in. That dominoes won’t fall perfectly in place. Deep down, you know your usage of the Death Note was evil. But you can’t face that, so you make up excuses to justify the worldwide atrocities you’re committing, the rush of power helping that thought process along. You might’ve genuinely had good intentions at first, but they quickly became not even secondary to your narcissistic need to play god and dominate the masses. You’re good at fooling others, but the first one you fooled was yourself. You’ve fully bought into your own lies. I’d laugh if I didn’t think it was so sad.

You…you…blasphemer!

Really? I was there, you know, as we fell further and further down the slippery slope. I remember that I was scared of facing what we’d done, then gradually any doubt cascading away as we grew addicted, when I should’ve stopped right there and acknowledged it. L was right, I am a coward. And so are you.

…

But I won’t be. Not anymore. I will not passively sit by and let you keep deluding yourself of your own self-righteousness, rather than accepting the reality that the world doesn’t match your naïve views, and that what you did was beyond the pale. I won’t let you harm L or any of the kids here.

Can you now? You are only an annoying voice inside my head.

We are different, but at our core, we’re still Light Yagami. You know how determined we can get. And a perk of being inside your head? You can’t hide anything from me.

Doesn’t matter if you are unable to communicate anything.

Won’t stop me. For as long as I’m aware, I will keep fighting back, whatever it takes to keep Kira from claiming more victims. I promised L I’d help him do so, and that’s what I’ll do. It’ll be my atonement for starting this mess.

You are dead, you hear me?! You’re not real! You’re just a cover I used to lie low! You died in the helicopter!

Keep denying my existence all you want. It doesn’t change the facts. I’ll save L and the babies.

Fuck off!

Light groaned, his very self feeling eviscerated, digging up skeletons he had no intention of ever unearthing. Something unpleasant was rising up, battering against the walls he’d specifically built to keep unwanted things out. Ever since he’d picked up the Death Note, it had become easier, to the point he forgot they existed in the first place. But with its loss, came the awareness, and it was grating.

Ugh. I would’ve never done the memory gambit if I’d known it came with a persistent passenger.

No matter how well it’d thrown the Task Force off his trail, it certainly wasn’t worth this!

He set the photo back where he found it. It was best to stay concentrated on his goals. First, waiting out the pregnancy and taking his children.

If he could raise them with a strong sense of justice, they’d make excellent enforcers for his new world, only elevating his status as a god. Because godlings could only come from one. A bonus would be any abilities they’d get. It would only be logical that they’d inherit shinigami powers, and with utter loyalty instilled, be better than Ryuk had ever been.

All he had to do was play the waiting game, and everything would go just as it should. And no one, not L, not Ryuk, not his innocent persona, would stop him!

Apples. I need apples, imminently.

That single thought permeated L’s mind and drove his actions, sauntering around in the middle of the night, not caring that he was tired and sore and very much would like to go back to sleep. Ryuk, by now used to L’s night cravings, simply followed behind, scanning around to make sure no one else was close.

There was a main kitchen at Wammy’s, but L had a personal one that had been built for him for the purpose of making and storing his sugary delights during the rare moments he stayed in the orphanage. And now, it was a hub for all his apples.

Beforehand, L wasn’t exactly averse to apples. In fact, they were scrumptious when coated in caramel and other candies. But they weren’t his first choice of fruit, vastly preferring strawberries and cherries, as they were sweeter.

I may never eat apples again when this is all over. I’m so sick of them, yet I can’t stop. Let’s leave the mass consumption of them to Ryuk-san.

Among the overflow of apples was a box of crackers and ginger tea. They’d been recommended by his obstetrician to ease his morning sickness, as well as food that would stay in his stomach a hundred percent of the time, something that the apples couldn’t do.

She’d told him to let her know if his symptoms worsened, as it could be hyperemesis gravidarum, and especially as he was approaching the stage where his illness hit its peak. L had already thought it was bad; it was supposed to get even worse?

The waistband of his jeans constricted around his belly, making him wince. He had thought a little bloating wouldn’t make a difference, but apparently reality had other ideas. Shame though, he really liked these trousers, and wasn’t looking forward to having to invest in stretchier clothing. Most textures did not agree with him, hence why he had a limited wardrobe.

It’s only for a little while. It might be unbearable for now, but it won’t be forever.

Soon though, even if a part of him roiled at it, he was stuffing his face with yellow-white fleshy chunks, his cries of ecstasy echoing throughout. Ryuk just silently stared, jaw hanging a bit.

“Woah. The kids really love apples. If there was any doubt I had a role in the conception…well, here’s the proof.”

“And know that I very much blame you for this,” L huffed, even as he swallowed his current load and prepared to inhale another. “The second trimester can’t come fast enough.”

“Right, because that’s when your vomiting is supposed to subside?”

“Morning sickness is theorized to help protect the children from toxins when they are at their most vulnerable. I just wish there was a nicer way of doing that.”

“Yeah, me too. It ain’t pleasant to hear!”

Finally feeling satisfied, L got up carefully, not wanting to trigger his nausea. He gathered the box of ginger tea and the appropriate items to prepare it with, so that he could lessen the chances of waking up green around the gills.

Steam wafted as the water boiled in the kettle. As the human and shinigami waited around, the latter spoke up. “Elly?”

“Yes, Ryuk-san?”

“I’ve been wondering something. I know you have your pet project with Light-o, and that’s good and all, but you said you had another goal: becoming better for the babies.”

L froze. That had been on the back of his mind for these past few weeks, especially as he suffered the after-effects of the various pains inflicted on him. But as he seemed to notice a lot nowadays…there were just other priorities to balance.

“I don’t know exactly what that means, but you made it clear that if you don’t, the babies won’t be ‘interesting’. What’s up with that?”

L bit his lip. “I…have no idea where to start. I didn’t think I needed help, I thought I was fine…but I have found out recently that I’m very much not. And I could hurt the children if this isn’t addressed. But as I never found a reason to, I don’t know the first place to look. But…I will say, you have helped me tremendously, Ryuk-san.”

The death god’s eyes widened, his earring jingling as he whipped his head around. “All I did was just stay by your side and listen to whatever you had to say. Not the daring plots I helped Light-o pull off, barring the one that caught him.”

“And that was enough,” L lifted the whistling kettle and poured the boiling water into a mug. He retrieved a teabag and dipped it inside. “I don’t believe I would’ve survived if it hadn’t been for you. Watari was gone, Light-kun was imprisoned, the Task Force disbanded…I was alone. That never bothered me before, but with my issues resurfacing and my condition…I wasn’t in a good place. I’m still not, but you gave me companionship in this difficult period.”

“Careful, Elly,” Ryuk teased. “You’re making it sound like I saved your life. And you know that’s not my thing.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” L deadpanned back. “You didn’t have to go as far as comforting me after a nightmare or calming me down after a hormone-induced fit, though. Even without these…damn chemical reactions that make me want to cry all the time, I know I’m not the easiest to deal with. I disregard proper manners and decorum, have no problem violating laws and abusing my authority, and I lie as often as I breathe. Looking back on it, it was a wonder that the entire Task Force didn’t quit as soon as they met me.”

L knew that he was just aggravating his inner wounds with his comments, but as much as pain was unbearable, it could also be addicting. He’d just lived with it for so long that he couldn’t imagine being without it. “I know that I’m lucky, when I know I didn’t deserve it. I am just one mortal who happened to catch a shinigami’s eye with unique circumstances that I unknowingly walked into. Light-kun could’ve fornicated with anyone else, and then they’d be in my place instead. But no, I can never catch a break!”

He was laughing hysterically…or was he sobbing? He couldn’t tell. “Don’t you see, Ryuk-san? It could’ve been anyone! Perhaps they’d be better suited to being a parent, and therefore worthy of your protection, than I am! These children in my womb could’ve had a parent who isn’t fucked up, a monster. I could’ve aborted them, or at least left them somewhere that could care for them, but I was too selfish and attached. I want to fix my damage, but I don’t know how! I don’t deserve any of this, but I can’t say no, because I need it! I’m broken! And…and I don’t know what to do…”

Once the cork was pulled, everything poured out, and he couldn’t even blame his hormones this time. His gasps came in shallow bursts, his chest aching. Tears streamed like a river, heart pounding so hard he heard it in his head. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe, why did his skin feel so clammy and tight, why was his vision blurry, why why why-

“Elly?” Ryuk’s voice sounded far away. “Elly, I’m here. Can you hear me?”

Yes. Ryuk was still there. He latched onto the familiarity, the comfort. His erratic inhales slowed somewhat. He tried to speak with shut-down vocal cords and overworked lungs. “...Ryu…”

Something black and feathery was gently thrust in front of him, and he reached out to touch it, a memory dredged up of feeling a texture exactly like this. It grounded him somewhat, his mind starting to recondense, his sight clearing, and breaths deepening.

“Elly,” the shinigami said in the most gentle tone he’d ever gotten from him. “I admit…this is a lot. It’s a wonder you didn’t explode sooner with all that inside you.”

L chuckled despite himself, and Ryuk joined in. After the episode, it felt good to bring some positivity back into the room.

The forgotten ginger tea lay aside, still warm. L took it, focusing on the heat between his fingers. Ryuk sighed, uncharacteristic seriousness in his features. Even his ever-present grin had faded.

“L,” he began. “This arrangement…look, I don’t mind it, okay? I’m happy to help. But this…there’s a limit to what I can do, and no amount of apples can change the fact that I don’t know how to make you feel better. I mean, I can calm you down, but I can’t fix the reason you’re freaking out in the first place.”

L nodded, taking a sip. “I know. The roots of my problems run deeper than you know. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been dumping everything on you.”

“Nah, that’s fine. It’s cool if you need someone to vent to, and besides, I like it when you talk to me. I just can’t…solve your issues, you know?”

“No one else can,” the detective lamented. “It’s my mind, therefore I’m the only one who can.”

“But,” Ryuk’s smile returned a little. “I can tell you that L Lawliet is a very special human. You say that anyone else could have handled the kids better, but I don’t think most humans would take the news of them being spawned from the Death Note as well as you did. Maybe you don’t think of it that way, but that makes you the most ideal mortal to carry them. Yeah, it was the babies that drew me in your corner…but I was interested in you well before that, because of you being able to match Light-o in your game. It was dumb luck that gave you the upper hand…but it was your plan that capitalized on it. I think you should stop being so hard on yourself.”

L couldn’t help it, his hand was cupping his mouth, and it wasn’t from trying to resist the urge to hurl. “Ryuk-san…if only it were that easy. It’s…hard to change an aspect of my mind that’s been there since I can remember.”

“That sucks,” the death god sympathized. “Are there, like, humans trained to deal with this mind stuff? Help you where I can’t?”

“Well, there is the counseling profession,” the young man stated. “They do what you just described. But I am reluctant to place my hopes there.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve heard stories of counselors gaslighting their patients, drugging them, or not believing them. Also…they’re not exactly…kind, to my type.”

“Well Elly,” the shinigami’s joviality was back. “I think you can handle them if they’re trash. If there’s a chance, you should take it!”

“If you say so…”

L finished his cup. Ryuk was right; if he didn’t take a leap of faith, how would he get better? Despite his recent doubts in his ability to sniff out nefarious plots, when would another opportunity come by?

Brigid Thompson was very proud of her work.

She was a freelance therapist, having treated all kinds of mental hurts. It was nice, she thought, to be able to accept her own patients and her own hours.

In order to make herself available, she didn’t have a set pay. When meeting with a potential client, they would negotiate it depending on their budget. That way, people from all walks of life could get counseling.

Sure, the inconsistent paychecks didn’t do wonders for her financial-wise, but the feeling of having successfully helped a patient was worth it.

She had found her calling back in grade school, when she became the go-to person anytime someone in her friend group had a problem. She got a psychology degree in college, and went to work for an office. But she hated how expensive it was to book a session, so she quit, and set up a website advertising her services.

Because she didn’t have the money to get a building, she only did appointments by phone. It was perhaps easier that way, since explaining your problems to a stranger’s face could be daunting, so it was more comfortable just talking on a cell.

Speaking of, her flip phone rang with an unfamiliar number. She picked it up, and said, “Brigid’s Counseling Services. How may I help you?”

“My name is Rue Ryuzaki. And I would like to seek out your services.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Mikael!”

“What the shit?!”

When Mello had stepped into his room after a long day of schoolwork and competing with Near, he’d been looking forward to dissecting cases while munching on chocolate. He had not been expecting a shinigami to be perched on his bed like a gargoyle, smiling unnervingly and an apple clutched in his claws.

He still hadn’t adjusted to Ryuk’s presence, and clearly the latter intended to milk that for all its worth.

“Mello!” he heard Matt call, along with the thumping of footsteps, which didn’t help his racing heartbeat. “I heard you yell. Is everything okay? Do you need me to come over?”

“No!” the blonde shouted back, harsher than he meant. “Everything’s cool! I just…stubbed my toe!”

“Oh man, that sucks. Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”

“Yes, I’m fucking sure! Go back to your video game or whatever you were doing!”

“Okay, if you say so.”

The tapping sounds trailed off, and Mello let out a sigh of relief that was immediately undercut by Ryuk snickering.

“Shut the hell up,” he snapped. “And don’t call me that. Why are you here anyway?”

“I was bored,” Ryuk shrugged. “Elly’s busy and I figured that since I don’t know you well, I should haunt you today.”

“Go find your entertainment somewhere else,” Mello huffed. “I have no need to hang out around the being who made things all confusing.”

Ryuk shifted positions so that he was laying on his stomach, legs kicked up into the air. “And why is that? Usually, I find that you humans are the confusing ones.”

“Ugh! It’s just that…you started all this!”

“Uh, if you meant the time I dropped the notebook, then yeah, I did,” the shinigami chomped a chunk of his apple. “Common knowledge around Elly’s circle. Not gonna apologize for it if that’s what you want. I got a great deal out of it!”

“And how do I know you won’t betray L if a better deal comes around?”

Ryuk looked startled, as Mello narrowed his eyes. There’s more to the story than just what I was told. I know this is dangerous and all, especially with Kira lurking around...but fuck that. I need to know.

“Look, kid,” Ryuk finally said. “Elly’s the most entertaining human since Kira I’ve come across, and I’m not about to let him go anytime soon. I’ve found that his type is unfortunately rare, so I’m here for the long run.”

Plausible, but there’s something he isn’t telling me. Maybe I would’ve bought it a few weeks ago…but that damn video call that made me start questioning things and the subsequent in-person meeting-

“Well, maybe it would’ve been better if you’d never arrived!” Mello spat. “Because now, nothing makes sense and I’m all scrambled! Before, L was my future! He was an ideal to be reached, a finish line to cross! Whenever we spoke, he always praised my work and encouraged my pursuit! He’s the reason I need to beat Near! But now that I’ve met him, he…he was nothing like the man behind the screen! He was vulnerable…L isn’t supposed to be vulnerable! Kira couldn’t have almost had him! He can’t be uncertain about anything! He…he can’t have allowed himself to get fucked by some rando!”

The teen’s face was red, his temper sputtering. “If L isn’t perfect…then what does that say about me? How am I supposed to aspire to his level…if even he isn’t good enough?”

Mello slumped, emotional exhaustion replacing his fiery anger. “Is L a lie? If he is, then what was the point of my whole life?”

Ryuk slowly uncurled from his lazy posture, muttering something about how oddly familiar this was. He set the apple down.

“Kid…I’ve gotten to know Elly real well. He tells me a lot of stuff, which I can’t share with you obviously. But I don’t think the Elly you admired was a lie…you just weren’t told the whole story.”

“No shit,” Mello grunted. “What can you tell me then?”

“Humans are a complicated species, but they like to pretend they aren’t. They prefer to assign simple categories and drop people in certain ones based on their surface-level behavior. That was the folly Kira fell into. Elly is still a great detective, that’s the truth…but he’s more than that. You weren’t able to know him as anything else before. I think you should, because you two actually have more in common than you might think.”

“Really?” He looked up, eyes softening in wonder.

“Yeah, all those struggles you’re having? Apparently those issues are widespread among humans.”

Mello pondered. He’d been panicking, questioning his self-worth over and over, if he had to be a mess his whole life. If L had familiarity with that situation…maybe it wasn’t so bad that he was far from what Mello had envisioned.

Of course, it was going to take a lot more than a talk with a death god in order to be fully convinced he wasn’t doomed to be a failure, but at least he saw a way out of that path.

“Also,” Ryuk added, “Elly didn’t get fucked by some rando.”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Shit,” the paranormal being uttered, eyes wide. “Sorry, there’s some…apples that need to be eaten!”

He promptly phased out of the room in a hurry, leaving a dumbstruck Mello behind…and with a clue to the paternal lineage of L’s children.

Hmm…well, at least that eliminates most of Japan as a suspect. Who could have the capability to seduce L…

L’s hand shook as he pressed his phone to his ear, rattling off his medical history to his prospective therapist.

He had done some research beforehand, seeking someone that might be a good fit for him, but it had still taken quite a bit of effort on his part to even punch in the numbers advertised on a website he’d found promising.

Why does this feel so daunting?

For now, he was on autopilot, checking off the boxes on an imaginary health form. Part of him recoiled at blasting such private information to someone he didn’t even know, but it was easier than talking about his reasons for approaching her in the first place. She’d happened to have an open slot at that moment, so he’d taken it.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Ryuk-san to leave the room. It’s simpler speaking to him. But…I need to learn not to rely on him.

“I’m eight weeks pregnant with twins,” he finished, heart pounding and breath uneven. “I’m on folic acid and dextrose tablets for that.”

“Really?” the woman on the other side, Brigid, hummed. “Congratulations, Mr. Ryuzaki.”

L stalled. That was the first time anyone’s initial reaction to his pregnancy had not been of disbelief. Sure, maybe it was because he’d told her (reluctantly) he was trans as part of the technical details she needed to know, but it was surprising.

“Th…Thank you,” he awkwardly replied.

“I wish you the best. Now, Mr. Ryuzaki-”

“Ryuzaki,” he interrupted. “No need for the formalities.” 

“Okay, Ryuzaki, can you tell me what brings you here?”

Now this was the part he’d been dreading. L bit his lip, throat bobbing as he struggled against the urge to close it. Why was it that he could spill his guts to a shinigami and not a member of his own kind?

Come on…come on…I need help. But why can’t I say that? I can’t fall back into my loner habits. Not now.

“It’s okay, Ryuzaki. I know it can be hard to articulate exactly what your problems are.”

Brigid’s voice was smooth and soft, like a warm, fuzzy blanket. L felt it cloaking him, loosening his tense muscles and unclamping his jaw.

“How about this: I’m going to list a symptom, and you tell me from a scale of one to ten if you have it. Is that good?”

“I think I can manage that,” the detective rasped.

“Alright. Have you felt sad or hopeless, more so than usual? Angry? Just more emotional in general?”

L snorted. “Oh, you have no idea. I would say an eight, but given that my outbursts only started after conception, I’m not sure if that counts.”

“It’s still good to know. Have you experienced a loss of interest in activities you would usually find pleasurable?”

He flinched. He remembered being introduced to the field of detective work, how he took to it like a duck to water. He’d enjoyed it too, something to entertain his prodigious intellect…before the reality of the job, especially the perils of being the best, came crashing down with no cushion to catch his fall. His young mind couldn’t survive the material he was being asked to handle unscathed, expectations and boredom putting him through one ordeal after another, shutting off his empathy to cope, having to resort to mind games with his suspects just to feel something stimulating, even as that fed the vicious cycle of breaking more and more rules and contributing to his self-loathing-

I liked being a detective. But I haven’t enjoyed the job for a long time. Maybe it would be different…had I been given time to recover or even decide if it was what I really wanted.

“I lost my zeal for my work years ago,” he admitted. “But I’m still doing it.”

“And why is that? You mentioned you could live without working another day of your life.”

“I suppose…it was what everyone wanted, and so here I am. Despite the unsavory aspects, it was also an escape.”

“From what?”

L forced the words out, screwing his eyes shut. “From the monster I know I am.”

There. He’d gotten it out. His knees trembled, threatening to buckle under him.

“Oh,” Brigid breathed. “I would say I’m sorry, but I have a feeling that pity is the last thing you need right now.”

L nodded, even though she couldn’t see it, a lump forming at the back of his throat. “If you knew the things I’ve done, the lines I’ve crossed…you would agree,” he said, voice cracking. “The actions I’ve taken ultimately gave me the results I needed, but I know how it looks to normal people.”

“I’m not here to judge you, Ryuzaki,” the therapist assured. “You can tell me specifics and I won’t run away. No matter where you fall on the morality spectrum, you deserve to be treated, and that’s what I’ll do.”

Tears trailed down L’s pale cheeks, a choked sob coming out. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I’ve been so volatile lately…”

“That’s okay. I assume that feelings of worthlessness are common?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “I…had a major upset at work recently, and that hasn’t helped my dark thoughts.”

“Your self-worth is tied to your work?”

“Expectations groomed me to believe so, and that doesn’t go away easily. I figured even if I was a monster, I could at least give something to the world. I act as if it doesn’t bother me…but it does.”

“Have you felt suicidal at any point?”

At that, a faint memory surfaced. A call, coming from Roger, about the top student at Wammy’s being found dead in their room-

“I…I don’t know,” he mentioned. “Certainly not now, given that I have my children to look after, but at a time before that…all I had was the pressure and the demons. I wonder if this hadn’t happened, it would’ve all caught up to me.”

“Hmm,” Brigid mused. “That can be a deadly combination if left unchecked for too long. Do you have a support system?”

“Well, I have a friend,” L smiled at the thought. “He’s been of huge assistance to me, and it was actually him who encouraged me to seek professional help despite my misgivings about it.”

“Sounds like a good friend,” she complimented, and the man held back a chuckle. Ryuk-san would probably deny it if asked. But really, how else can I describe him? He’s more than just my bodyguard.

“Well Ryuzaki, it looks like you made the right choice seeking counseling,” Brigid stated, the snap of a notebook being closed sounding. “You’ve got a rough lot in life, but I intend to help you sort it all out. When are you available?”

L let an ember of hope begin to burn. He could do this…and the babies could get a parent they deserved.

Brigid closed the call with her latest client, and reviewed all the notes she’d taken during the meeting.

Ryuzaki was an interesting character. He suffered from self-esteem issues, and if the things he alluded to were of any indication, it wasn’t entirely unwarranted. He wasn’t specific about his employment, but that seemed tied to his mental state.

Another thing was the source. Did he have overbearing parents that pressured him to succeed even as it damaged him? No matter who he had to hurt along the way? Gifted children were often unfortunately subjected to that. If so, it was no wonder that he took any failure very personally.

There was also the possibility that he might be depressed, though she didn’t have enough info on him to know for sure. She’d make sure to send over a proper questionnaire for that…when she knew his mailing address.

Of course, there was much more he wasn’t telling her. That was fine; she couldn’t expect him to immediately open up in one session. But even so, she had the feeling she only knew a little more about him than most people did.

Well, he certainly wasn’t kidding that he was loaded. The pay he’d offered for her services was more than any of her past and present clients combined. Maybe she could finally open up that office she’d always wanted…

Using the bits she’d gleaned from him, Brigid began to draft out a treatment plan, with possible adjustments as she got to know him more. You’re in good hands, Ryuzaki. I’ll help you build a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on whatever you do…

“As you see,” Teru held up a stack of papers, stapled together. The front page was titled The Gospel of Kira in a very fancy font, and below it was an image of Earth, blue and green swirled together in a spherical shape. A scythe was overlaid on top, dripping with red.

“I have composed all of Kira’s teachings into these pamphlets for the masses to peruse,” he explained, gesturing to where dozens of identical copies were stored on the table.

The Kira’s Kingdom cult had established an official headquarters, if one called the basement of an abandoned building such. It was getting too risky to hold their meetings outdoors, though - the government was cracking down hard on pro-Kira leanings, despite the free-speech laws.

Misa’s lip trembled, though thankfully it was hidden by her mask. It tore her up inside, having to lie to all these people and compromise their operations.

It didn’t help that Teru reminded her so much of Light. She could easily imagine all the words coming out of his mouth as things Light would say, and their views matched almost to a T. But the similarities just made the pain worse.

“How did you even manage to get all that paper?” a girl asked.

“I go into the library to print my college papers all the time,” the dark-haired man answered. “No one would notice if I came out with a few extra.”

He continued. “I propose that we spread the gospel around. Leave them at doorsteps, on top of desks, the like. That will help us get our message across and hopefully more followers for our god.”

Everyone cheered and agreed on that. Misa’s heart sank, even as she added her own contribution.

“Our god may be captive for now, but he will be free one day!” Teru proclaimed. “Whatever cheating trick that L pulled, it won’t protect him from facing judgment!”

“Yeah!” they saluted.

As Teru passed around the pamphlets, Misa couldn’t take it anymore. She began to sob as she received her copies.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned.

“Sorry,” she sniffled as she reached around her bag for a tissue. “I-I’m fine. Just a weak moment.”

How long can I keep doing this? L’s torture was more bearable.

“My-My parents…” she tried, finding a way to plausibly disguise the reason for her crying. “They were killed by a robber. And he would’ve gotten away with it, had it not been for Kira. I’m just so…happy that others will get justice like I did.”

Teru nodded. “I have seen how rotten the world can be, where sinners are running around and causing chaos, while the innocent are left to suffer in their wake. Evil can be found all around, even on the playgrounds. So they must be deleted, as our god did.”

“Of course,” Misa said. “I have to go now, but I’ll be sure to plant these messages when I can! I’ll see you next time!”

She hurried out before she could fully break down. As soon as she was far enough away, she sat down on the steps of some random complex and wept, mascara-lined tears drawing streaks across her face.

“Dammit!” she shrieked.

Fuck the criminal who murdered her loved ones. Fuck the Task Force who tried to stop her. Fuck L for putting her through this. Fuck the world that allowed horrible things to happen.

Fuck, fuck, fuck it all!

Now, for the first time since it happened, Misa truly comprehended the loss of her loyal shinigami companion. If Rem were here, she could have someone to vent to, instead of empty space just hanging around.

I wish Light didn’t have to kill you, Rem. You were a good friend.

She could almost imagine the constant shadow that was now bereft…wait, that was real, and it was human-shaped.

“Hey. You okay?”

Misa opened her wet eyes, squinting as her vision cleared. “Nagahama-san?”

“Fancy running into you again,” the boy greeted, taking a seat himself. “What’s wrong?”

“My friend’s dead!” she blurted out. “I found myself wishing for someone to talk to, but I was reminded of her, and then…”

She burst into sobs, grief joining her sorrow.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Haru said sympathetically. “Everything's sad nowadays because it seems everyone lost someone to Kira, but we can’t forget the normal deaths too.”

Inwardly, the actress winced. Rem, in a way, had been offed by Kira’s hands. It was necessary though, wasn’t it?

“There’s a kissaten I’m familiar with around here,” he mentioned. “Do you want to come with me and get something to eat? You can tell me about your friend.”

Misa wondered if this would be a betrayal to Light. She was devoted to him and him only, there was no mistaking that! But people might get the wrong idea.

“I’m not asking you out or anything,” Haru quickly clarified. “It’s just that it seems you need to talk, and I’m happy to listen.”

Well, he’s right about that, and I am a little hungry…

“Okay,” she answered, standing up. “Where are we going?”

“There’s this really great place that serves the best katsu sando,” he waved her over, beckoning her to follow him. “I used to go there every day after school to do homework. It’s got great service, a diverse menu, and it’s tiny and quiet so people can get stuff done!”

“Oh really?” She walked behind him, digging out some makeup wipes from her bag in order to scrub the black lines off her face. “I guess I’ll have to see.” Less chance of people recognizing me.

(She’d had a few close calls despite her disguise. Which was the point, but undercover work or not, getting hounded by fans was still majorly inconvenient.)

Thankfully, Haru’s description of the kissaten turned out to be spot-on, and as their waitress served sandwiches stuffed with fried pork cutlets smothered in tonkatsu sauce and shredded cabbage, Misa felt her inner turmoil begin to settle. The juicy meat and fluffy milk bread filled her taste buds, eliciting something resembling joy.

Sipping from a mug of sencha tea, Haru smiled softly. “It’s good, right?”

“I think this might be the best I’ve ever had,” Misa admitted, taking another bite of the katsu sando. “Thanks for taking me here.”

“No problem.” The young man’s eyes darted around, giving a little nod. “No one’s eavesdropping. Do you have anything you need to get off your chest?”

Oh, how she wanted to. She wanted to tell him about Light, and L, and the Death Notes, and Kira’s Kingdom, and-

But the ever-present weight of eyes on her made the decision for her. She was holding onto secrets that could shatter the world, and they would do anything to make sure it stayed that way.

And she understood why. She would never do anything to endanger Light’s family!

Plus, there was Light himself waiting for her at the end of the tunnel. As hard as it was to contribute to setting fire on everything he’d built, she would persevere.

So she decided to bring up Rem. “My friend…she died three weeks ago.”

“Tell me about her,” Haru beckoned.

“She never quite understood me, I think,” Misa closed her eyes in remembrance. “She was aloof and closed-off and just held general contempt for everyone, it seemed. But we were best friends anyway. If you asked her, I don’t think she’d be able to tell you how it happened. As far as I’m concerned, it happened the moment she walked into my life.”

Haru chuckled. “It’s funny how opposites seem to go well together, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” the model sighed. “I admit, she didn’t approve of some of my choices. Like the boy I crushed on, and the lengths I went into getting his attention. But she stood by me anyway. She even threatened his life if he did anything to endanger me.”

“Sounds like a good friend,” he mused. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks…”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the food gradually dwindling.

“Do you think she may have loved you?” Haru questioned.

“What?” Misa was shocked. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know…all this stuff you’re telling me about her, and all she did for you…making whatever made you happy her priority…just gives me love martyr vibes.”

Misa certainly knew that Rem cared enough to go through with Light’s plan, writing out the strokes that spelled her doom, even if it ended up being for naught.

But did she really care to that extent?

Well, Misa could say with absolute conviction that she’d die for Light, so did that mean Haru was right?

“I’m…going to think about this later,” she settled on, snatching up the remaining crumbs of the sandwiches. “How’s your family doing?”

“We’re…adjusting,” Haru said solemnly. “My dad’s become one of the heads of a project to build a monument for all of Kira’s victims.”

The idea of the name of her parents’ murderer being immortalized like that…it made her stomach churn.

“Are you sure we should be carving out the names of the world’s worst criminals?” she inquired, trying not to sound cold. “They were in prison for a reason.”

“A lot of people are asking that,” Haru stated. “Yes, they may have been the worst of the worst…but if we just brush off their deaths, saying that they deserved it…we’d start veering into Kira’s line of reasoning. We need to acknowledge that what was done to them wasn’t right. There’s also the minority that was like my brother,” his eyes shined. “Redemption within their grasp, but their lives cut off before they could.”

Were we too hasty in deciding who deserved to die?

That thought flew through her brain before she could stop it. It was the look Haru gave her, the look that reminded her so much of herself-

“We can’t also forget the officers who were victims,” Haru continued. “Like when that creepy message aired.”

A pit grew in her abdomen, a long-ignored truth being unearthed. She had been the one to slay those officers, who were guilty of nothing except getting in her way. With Light, it was easy to excuse it. They were obstacles for the New World, so they needed to die. Simple as that.

But as she spent more and more time away from him, it was getting harder to justify the atrocities she committed in his name. Like Light had been the one keeping the wool over her eyes, so she wouldn’t think too hard about it.

Had…had there been a less deadly way of drawing his eyes towards me?

She stood up suddenly, slapping down some yen while at it. “Thanks for the meal, Nagahama-san, but I must be going now.”

Before he could answer, she bolted out the door.

The wind whipped through her face, moisture zipping away.

And she wasn’t sure if the heavy guilt she felt was for ruining Light’s work…or the things she had done to help it grow.

The Shinigami King rubbed two of his limbs together, chuckling to himself as he observed a scrying pool, split into different sections.

One showed L at work, nibbling at an apple as he typed something in his laptop. Occasionally, his hand would rest at his stomach, a faint smile twitching briefly. Another displayed Light, scribbling some notes down as he reviewed the contents of a file. A third was Misa’s visage, curled up in her frilly bed, an inner war manifesting itself on her face.

“Why are you watching Misa Amane?” Justin asked. “She has nothing to do with the anomaly we’re keeping an eye on.”

“Yet, she was still entangled in the events all the same,” the King answered. “It is logical that she would also carry traces of the Death Note due to her extensive usage of it. But as she is not expecting, it’s unlikely that anything will come of it. Alas, I would still like to monitor her all the same in case anything changes.”

Nu, who was also present, glared at the woman’s image. She’s the one who Rem broke the rules for. I know it’s Yagami’s fault, but I still detest the idea of a human wielding that much power over a shinigami.

“Yeah!” Justin agreed. “We’re not supposed to feel anything for mortals! We risk lowering ourselves to their level!”

The King hummed as a new face appeared in L’s view. “I believe another one of our kind has just done so.”

Both Nu and Justin stared in disbelief. Ryuk’s a troublemaker…but…he wouldn’t…

“What?!” the latter shouted. “I say we remove him from his post immediately!”

The King waved a hand. “As Ryuk has not broken any rules, I see no reason to do so. In fact, I sense an opportunity…”

The ruler clasped his fingers, black electricity dancing through them. “L Lawliet and Light Yagami are locked in a different type of battle - one that’ll decide the fate of the children. I personally don’t care which one of them wins out, as long as they are born, but I don’t see why I can’t give a nudge…”

The King’s gaze fixated on Ryuk, who was currently chatting with the detective, sparks flying out. “And I have the perfect way of giving it.”

Chapter Text

December 12

When L awoke, he immediately wanted to throw the covers over his head, shut his eyes, and not open them for the rest of the day.

But unfortunately, his symptoms had other ideas, as something burning rose in the back of his throat, and he reached for the bucket that had been brought for this purpose, bringing it into his lap.

He retched into the container, his shoulders quivering with the force. He felt a bulge brush against it and tensed.

After finishing vomiting, he reluctantly moved from his bed and into the bathroom to dispose of it. A brief bout of lightheadedness hit him as he did, making him pause until it passed. He huffed and dumped the contents into the toilet, turning on the shower.

The progress of the last two weeks revealed itself as he disrobed. His stomach was more prominent, though not a proper baby bump just yet. Red stretch marks etched into his skin, and only growing longer by the day. He didn’t look at himself in the mirror, staring straight ahead. It was one of his off-days, where he couldn’t bear to see his body changing without feelings of dysphoria overwhelming him. He knew it wasn’t the children’s fault, it was his own messed-up mind, but it still sucked.

As he stepped underneath the hot streams of water rushing down, he sensed another presence. “Hello, Ryuk-san.”

“Hey, Elly,” Ryuk responded, going intangible so he wouldn’t get wet.

Maybe it was the fact that Ryuk wasn’t human and had no notions of decency, or that he’d seen it all and saw no reason to be bashful, or he trusted him that much, but L had gotten over his discomfort at the shinigami seeing him in the nude.

“How’re you doing today?” he asked.

“Horrible,” L grumbled. “I can barely make it a few steps without feeling tired, every little thing and sometimes nothing sets off my morning sickness, and I just want to sit down and cry. I can’t believe this is considered normal.”

“You’re telling me,” Ryuk grimaced. “Isn’t this supposed to be the worst of it, though?”

“That doesn’t help!” L snapped. He then sagged. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”

His lip trembled and Ryuk looked around frantically. “No, no, it’s cool, Elly! No need to-”

The floodworks came pouring out.

“-cry.”

Even now, L still couldn’t perceive just how easy it was to get worked up nowadays. When normally he would just feel a brief flash of the corresponding emotion (then bury it deep in the ground), it now stubbornly stuck around, amplified to the tenth degree.

The other day he’d gotten angry because his bread (one of his safe foods) wasn’t toasted enough. Ryuk had ended up needing to hide with Near for half the day when he’d somehow managed to pin the blame on him. Followed by a very tearful apology and an offering of an apple when the fires finally burned themselves out.

He hadn’t visited Light in those tumultuous weeks, delivering his cases using a proxy. He just didn’t want the teen to see him like that, fearing that Light may capitalize on his unstable state.

“Alright,” Ryuk muttered. “You know the drill.”

His cold body pressed against his, a now familiar sensation. The shinigami didn’t look too pleased about getting damp, but as always, L calmed down. When he opened his eyes to look at his nonhuman companion, he couldn’t help but snort.

Ryuk’s black spikes of hair had unraveled, and now flopped down his head, giving him the appearance of a drowned rat.

“Stop,” he griped. “It’s not funny! Water and shinigami don’t mix!”

“I don’t know…” L hummed, grinning from ear to ear. “I might actually prefer you like this, Ryuk-san.”

Ryuk made a horrified expression. “I’ve done a lot for you, Elly. But this is where I draw the line! I like my appearance and I ain’t changing it! Not even for your sake!”

L giggled. “I would never ask such a thing of you. It’s a rather flattering look, that’s all.”

Ryuk phased through the shower curtain, leaving all the water he’d accumulated behind. He gave himself a good shake, his hair defying the laws of physics by instantly sprouting back to its previous style.

“Okay, you’re just messing with me,” he sighed. “Not many humans would think of, much less get away with, making fun of a death god.”

“You’re not most death gods,” L countered, selecting a white bottle and popping it open.

“And you’re not most humans.”

“Only fitting that the outcasts of both our kinds can find each other,” he mused, black mop filled with bubbles and suds.

A strange pain rumbled in his chest, and it wasn’t heartburn. He had identified the feeling as being associated when he thought of Light.

Light, in his own way, was also an outcast. He didn’t act like a typical one - withdrawn attitude, blending into the background, peers being repelled by his very presence.

But he fit the definition in the sense that he never went with the crowd. He could pretend, put on a show, but there was no genuineness behind his performance. He couldn’t hide even if he wanted to, because everything he did sent shockwaves through the population, receiving nothing but shallow praise in return.

A hundred admirers, but not a single friend among them. No one to be his Ryuk-san.

I would’ve liked to meet you, Light-kun, before you ever picked up that notebook. If only we knew…there was another just like us.

“Light-kun,” L whispered, a ghost of a kiss on his lips. He could almost taste traces of coffee he’d found on Light’s tongue-

“Elly?” Ryuk’s voice broke through. “You done?”

L quickly searched his hair for any soapy remnants, and nodded. “About so, Ryuk-san.”

He shut the water off, retrieving a towel as he stepped out. He started drying off his body, still careful to avoid triggering himself.

“So what’s the ultrasound gonna give us this time?” the supernatural being questioned.

Ah, right. I’m ten weeks today.

“We can move onto the traditional ultrasound,” L explained. “As the fetuses are large enough to be detected without such invasive means.”

Ryuk had a look of relief. “That’s great. That didn’t look comfortable at all. Just because I know what’s in your pants doesn’t mean I want to see a stick shoved up your-”

“Ryuk-san, stop,” the young man uttered, green around the gills.

“Oh, sorry.”

For some reason, while L could tolerate the physical procedure, the mental image of it would immediately make him gag. A lot of things did that recently, but it was very peculiar.

“With the ultrasound, there’s a chance we could hear the heartbeats,” L smiled. “We’ve seen them, but I want to be able to hear them.”

“I can hear them,” Ryuk mentioned offhandedly.

“You can?”

“Uh, you realize you are deaf compared to me?” the shinigami pointed at his ears. “I can sense ants crawling underground if I really extend it. I can turn it off if needed, so I won’t accidentally eavesdrop on any of your private moments.”

“What do they sound like?”

“The heartbeats? Oh, like this really intense buzzing. So fast I can’t tell the individual beats!”

“They’re working hard,” L noted. “Keeping the blood flowing through their developing bodies.”

“Anything else?”

“They’re going to draw some blood from me,” the detective answered. “Going to test for chromosomal abnormalities. They’ll also be able to tell the genders from the test.”

“Aren’t you worried that their shinigami heritage will show up?”

L paused, thinking through it. “From what the forensics told me about the Death Notes, they didn’t have a DNA signature that didn’t originate from humans. If that’s still the case, then it should be fine. It’s a plausible theory, but if not, I’ll just throw money to keep it quiet.”

Ryuk snickered. “Wonder how they can tell the genders. I still can’t distinguish them just yet.”

“That’s because they haven’t developed their reproductive organs. But they’ll be able to tell by looking at the chromosomes, as sex is determined by that.”

“What are you thinking they’ll be?”

L shrugged, finishing wiping every last droplet of dihydrogen monoxide from his skin. He exited the bathroom to begin ruffling through his drawers.

“That’s complicated. The test would only be able to give me biological answers. Whether they’ll be happy with that or find themselves gravitating towards something else…I can’t predict that. My parents probably thought they would have a daughter, and well,” he gestured to himself. “Look at me.”

He pulled out a black hoodie and a pair of grey sweatpants, with fabric he found bearable enough while also stretchy to accommodate his widening girth. “But for now, I’ll have to assume they are whatever the test says. It’ll be a good while before they’ll start asking themselves those types of questions anyway.” He shoved his head through the collar of the hoodie, thankful that he’d found a detergent that worked for him and not one that sent him to the bathroom at first whiff.

Ryuk looked intrigued, watching with interest. “I guess we’ll have to find out. And I can’t wait to see how fun it’ll be.”

It was here L realized that he didn’t feel quite as dysphoric while talking to the shinigami. It wasn’t gone - it was a part of him that would always exist - but it was more like a hum in the back of his head than an anvil directly crushing him. He didn’t feel anywhere near a panic attack.

Progress…it’s only a little, but it feels good.

This year would be their first Christmas without Light.

Even after all these weeks, the gaping hole he’d left in the Yagamis was still very much present, coinciding with a new distance between the three remaining members.

Soichiro had more time off than he’d ever had, and he couldn’t even enjoy it. Sachiko barely spoke to anyone and spent most of her time in bed. Sayu could only be found in her room, not even tuning in to her favorite Hideki Ryuga dramas. The place where Light once resided gathered dust, bare after his belongings had been sent to England.

If there was one thing that kept them connected, it was the oncoming arrivals.

The six-and-eight-week ultrasounds were tacked on the fridge, a calendar marked with the possible due date. A gradually filled box sat, flowing with miscellaneous items, Sachiko’s pet project whenever she could get up, the care package she’d promised L.

L had given them a mailing address so they could stay in contact, but anytime anyone thought of using it, painful feelings would set in, and it was left unused.

Even going outside would ache. Even though the celebrations about Kira’s capture had finally faded, that just meant that everything else served as reminders. The store where Light bought his chips. The street where he used to play catch. And Christmas was an especially heavy time.

Light wasn’t a holiday person, but he still participated in all it had to offer. He would take Sayu to see the various light festivals around Tokyo. He’d buy Soichiro and Sachiko little trinkets at the markets. He indulged in the fried chicken dinner that was a tradition in Japan. He’d unwrap his gifts carefully, not ripping into them the way his sister did, and give a curt thanks.

All those memories…every moment he’d spent with them…were now brought into question. Had the Light they remembered been real, later twisted by supernatural mechanics? Or was it just a facade hiding a monster?

How much of it was just him playing a part?

The Yagamis had always heaped praise on their son for his accomplishments and character. Now Soichiro was wondering if they’d unintentionally conditioned him into thinking they were the only things that mattered, that while building the foundations of an unhealthy-sized ego, also resulted in him having to hide thoughts and feelings he deemed undesirable. Not that it absolved him of any of his crimes, but if he’d felt he could express the “imperfect” parts of himself freely much sooner, maybe they wouldn’t have violently showed themselves through the Death Note.

Soichiro shuddered as he imagined what might’ve been Light’s thought process at the realization the notebook was legit. He was probably torn, knowing that murder was aberrant, but also saving people at the same time. In the end, his view of himself as the pinnacle of humanity had clearly won out, deluding himself into justifying every act he took as the right one. Because he couldn’t be wrong. He never was, so why now?

And he only fell deeper into his own lies with each name, each life marked for the scythe.

The memory gambit only put things further into question. The Light without Kira was, in a way, fake as his previous performances. He was genuine in all his actions and feelings, but he wasn’t whole. It was too good to be true.

(Although, it was interesting that he did lack some of his haughtiness. Perhaps that was due to L’s presence. Light had never met someone who was actually on his level, so that was probably the humbling factor.)

He may be the only one who can get you to see sense.

Soichiro still had a love-hate relationship with the World’s Greatest Detective. He disliked his methods, his way of presenting himself, and his questionable views on justice. But he had lived up to his epithet to the fullest, in the most challenging case of his career. Plus, he was bearing his grandchildren, so that counted for something, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal.

“Hi, Dad,” he heard Sayu mumble tiredly, along with the trudging of steps down the stairs.

Dressed in her pajamas, the younger of the Yagami children slipped quietly into the space, all rat-nest hair and eye bags. She retrieved a glass from the cupboard, filled it with ice cubes and water, and sipped at it, staring at nothing.

Soichiro checked the clock. 12:32 a.m.

Had he been thinking for that long? He hadn’t even noticed it getting dark in the first place.

He rose from the armchair, joints popping as he did so. “What’s got you up, Sayu?”

Sayu shuddered, tears springing up. “I had a nightmare about Kira.”

“Oh,” he responded grimly.

Even the nights couldn’t be peaceful, it seemed. Soichiro had seen firsthand just how willing Light was to throw away his own father and his unborn children just for his ambitions, and it was likely had either of them posed an obstacle, Sachiko and Sayu would’ve also become targets. The implications were not lost on them, as he had noticed when recounting the whole saga to them.

“He killed you, and Mom, and me,” she recalled, sobbing. “Saying that we were evil for opposing his world! Light wouldn’t do that! Or at least I thought so.”

Soichiro pulled his daughter into a hug, allowing her to weep into his side. He wanted to comfort her, assure her that everything would be alright. His fatherly instincts demanded it.

But nothing he could say would ever make it better. Not when a night terror became too close for reality.

Light was really sick of these wet dreams.

Before, they were only occasional occurrences, with his partner’s features being blurred. He couldn’t even tell if they were male or female. He’d dismissed these dreams as simply biology.

But now L haunted his mind, and with increasing frequency. He didn’t know why the fuck his subconscious insisted on latching onto the image night after night. Not that he cared about that, but the man wasn’t even conventionally attractive!

Seriously, who in their right mind would envision a walking zombie and think “I’d do that”?

He’d hoped, with L hiding over the last two weeks, the dreams would fade, but nope.

Every single memory he had of the detective, it seemed, had been turned on its head and transformed into lewd fantasies. A sweet tongue invading his mouth, cherry blossoms swirling around. Hot water raining down on them as he pressed L against the tiled walls, the latter’s legs wrapped around his waist, in the locker room showers. Pressing open-mouthed kisses along a pale neck as an equally pale body rode him in the confinement room. Papers littering the floor of the Task Force HQ, fingers gripping the desk, heavy pants emanating as he pounded into the imaginary visage of his enemy.

And every single time, L stared straight into him, no matter what he was doing. Those eyes never changed expression, but they held so much inside. Like he knew a secret about Light that the teen wasn’t privy to.

Even now, as Light grunted and thrust, L didn’t react. He was simply lying down, with a calm gaze and relaxed posture.

“What?” Light huffed. “I’m not good enough for you?”

L blinked and focused his eyes, burning straight through. “You’re not whole, Light-kun. Get yourself together…and only then will this end.”

Light tilted his head, confused. But before he could question it further, white overcame his vision, flooding his veins with pleasure. He cried out, overwhelmed by the sensations-

“Fuck!” Light cursed as he came to. He felt stickiness and facepalmed into his hand, groaning.

It’s way too late for this.

He should be able to control his own body! Will it to stop having these stupid dreams and the reactions that came with it! This went beyond biology.

He was almost tempted to just skip straight ahead to killing L, if only for the chance for the dreams to halt. But if not seeing him for a while wasn’t the cure, then murdering him probably wasn’t it, either.

But he was so annoyed.

Not whole? That’s ridiculous. Why should I trust something I heard in a dream?

Um, you are the one with two personalities rattling around your skull. Does that not scream “not whole” to you?

I’m perfect. You’re just a piece I don’t need.

And repressing stuff worked out so great in the past?

I wasn’t repressing!

You can’t lie to me. You never allowed yourself to deal with the unwanted aspects, preferring to just shove them aside. So when the Death Note came along and preyed upon them, you had no way of holding them back. We were broken long before the notebook. I think it’s overdue that we fixed this.

There’s nothing to fix!

But first, we need to pop that big ego of yours. It’s the only way anything will get through that thick head.

“Oh, shut up,” Light said out loud in the dark room.

Ryuk, by now, knew way more about human biology than the average shinigami.

A lot of it, he would’ve been happier remaining ignorant of, but the rest was rather fascinating, so he supposed it all evened out.

He’d grown fond of these ultrasound appointments. Not because of the purpose of those, since he could see the children any time he wanted. But rather, L’s reactions.

It made sense logically. L knew there was life inside him, as the physical evidence showed over the past two months. But that was just his own body’s responses. So of course he would be fascinated by the footage.

What Ryuk couldn’t justify was his desire to see that again and again. Normally, he would excuse it as his hedonism, but somehow that sounded shallow.

He watched as a needle was inserted into L’s upper arm, filling up its canister with ruby red blood. What was that for again? Oh right, it was supposed to test the “chromosomes”, whatever those were. Apparently they decided on the sex.

He tried to zoom in his vision on the vial, to see what chromosomes looked like. But it seemed even superior death god eyesight had its limits. Maybe he’d ask L for a description later.

Now the doctor was spreading some clear gel on the detective’s bare belly, a brief eye twitch indicating it was cold. Then a wand was gently pressed against it, the familiar view of his womb being transmitted onto the screen.

Still bad quality. I can count off about ten things missing.

But even so, it was apparent that growth and development was still continuing. By now, the twins had shed their abnormal features, and definitely looked very human. Although their heads were comically large compared to the rest of their bodies.

“Everything looks good,” the doctor commented. “All their fingers and toes are in place, their facial orifices are forming nicely, and they both look to be a little more than an inch in size. All normal at this stage.”

“Hello, little ones,” L said warmly, a small smile on his lips, as if he hadn’t been suffering not too long ago.

“We’ll get the results of the blood test in two weeks. Now, we should be able to hear the heartbeats by now. Would you like to find out?”

“I would like that, yes.”

The doctor took out another device that looked kind of like the ultrasound, except it wasn’t attached to a screen. She moved it all around L’s stomach, searching, before a whooshing came through, accompanied by sounds reminiscent of horses galloping.

Huh…that’s not how I hear it. Must be because of the thingy.

“They’re…alive,” L murmured, a mesmerized look on his face. His eyes grew wet and he promptly bit his lip.

“Two heartbeats,” the woman in the white coat said. “I don’t detect anything unusual. You’re doing a good job.”

Sensing that his human was close to breaking, Ryuk moved behind the chair he was sitting in, and wrapped his arms around, sending his chilly aura out.

“I’m…doing my best,” L responded, relaxing into the invisible touch.

“She’s right,” Ryuk whispered.

L blinked at him, an expression of surprise before he had to quickly turn his attention back to the doctor.

Later, as the sun set and darkness loomed, L sat up from his desk, making Ryuk turn to him. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Ryuk-san.”

Ryuk gave a murmur of affirmation and went to take another bite of his apple, only to do a double take.

Did L’s lifespan just…glitch?

One moment it popped out of existence, the next it was there as it always was. Was it him or did it seem a little more faded than before? And he was sure there had been a five, not a six…

Usually, Ryuk only saw this thing happening with the notebooks, as they were the only way to change a human’s lifespan. The implications of whatever the fuck just occurred…that put the detective’s humanity into question.

If all the prior reveals didn’t exist, the shinigami was sure he would’ve dusted on the spot from the sheer impossibility.

Should he tell L about this? It would probably be fine as long as he didn’t give out specifics, like his destined death date.

But a deeper part of him, the part that held those mushy feelings that he preferred not to acknowledge, insisted on holding it back for now. L was already under so much stress, between his pregnancy, traumas, and keeping tabs on Light. He already had to worry about the potential effects a Death Note had on his children. He didn’t also need this on his plate.

Plus, the Old Man had almost certainly witnessed it as well, and would study it. It would be better if they had a solid idea of what was going on before letting L in.

Elly…how the tables keep turning…but I’ll be there for it all.

Chapter Text

L nearly burst into tears when for the first time in forever, he didn’t awaken with an overwhelming sense of nausea. And judging by the relief on Ryuk’s face, he shared a similar feeling.

With his improved condition, came an improved mood. The dark thoughts were still present, but it was easier to hold them back, and not in the way that overworking himself did. He was light on his feet, too giddy to let them overwhelm him. He chatted happily with the shinigami as he sat back on an armchair, filling out a questionnaire Brigid had sent him.

I wonder if this is what full recovery will be like. An escape from the whirlpool.

But apparently because the fundamental laws of the universe had decreed “L Lawliet can never catch a break”, Ryuk’s ear twitched and his eyes glanced sideways.

“The old guy’s coming,” he warned, a chill entering the room. And not the comforting kind that he usually exhibited.

L instantly shut his mouth, opening another tab and using it to hide the one that held the questionnaire. Ryuk flew up to a corner of the ceiling and perched himself there, observing.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

L wasn’t avoiding Roger, per say. But he hadn’t gone out of his way to meet with him either. Because he knew that the man would bring up Watari, and how soon he could take over the responsibilities. Like he could just step in as if nothing happened.

No one could replace Watari.

The detective sighed as the door opened. “Yes? What is it, Roger? I’m occupied at the moment.”

“L,” Roger replied, walking in stiffly. “You haven’t responded to any of my requests for a meeting.”

Oh, that. Okay fine, maybe he was avoiding him.

“I’m busy,” he answered, typing a few random letters in his search bar and clicking on the first suggestion that resulted. “Light-kun’s case has to be handled with care.”

Also all the doctor’s visits and therapy calls, not that he knows about the latter.

“But you’ve never gone this long without making time for at least one. Something’s up with you, and I don’t like it. That’s why you need a handler.”

Pain took form, and coiled itself around L’s heart. Icy snakes infiltrating his insides.

“Roger,” he griped, trying to tamp down the impending panic attack. “I’m fine.”

“Clearly you’re not! Listen L, I’ve given everything to you! I allowed you to transition, tolerated your face reveal with the Japanese Task Force, even your ridiculous request for a boatload of apples! They’ve been disappearing, by the way, and I don’t know who’s doing it! But you’ve made some concerning decisions lately, without the guidance of a handler. I know I’m not Watari, but it’s obvious you have no idea how to handle yourself.”

L felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Every word punctured raw and he strained against the urge to shake. He heard a low growl coming from the ceiling.

But above that, anger. Fiery hot rage, at the accusations, the implications. How dare he?

Roger, either oblivious to the building volcano or having a poor sense of self-preservation, continued. “I mean, you should know better than letting Kira into our space! The most dangerous man in the world, right here in a very critical pillar of stability! Normally I wouldn’t doubt your ability to keep him on a leash, but he’s on a tier the likes of which we’ve never seen! Frankly, I think the only way to end his threat for good is to execute him. It doesn’t help that you won’t disclose his murder weapon, even to me! And don’t get me started on your condition…”

Hearing all his fears, all his self-doubt, all his negative thoughts come from Roger’s mouth…it was like a knife through the chest. It was one thing to have it all contained inside his head, but another to have it out in the open.

“What are you thinking, carrying a child when you have more important duties to attend to? It’s hindering your work! It’s not too late; you can end this foolishness and abort. You can still fix your mistakes.”

Okay, L could take the earlier criticisms. As much as they hurt, they were still valid points. Ones that were constantly at war with his emotions.

But never, never insinuate that his children were a mistake. They were the one thing he was certain of in this entire mess, the light shining at the edge of the tunnel. He could not let this stand.

“Say that again,” he growled, his voice dropping to a dangerous level. “I dare you.”

Roger did a double take, looking as though he didn’t expect that reaction. “L, please, think rationally here-”

“You don’t get to decide that.” Energy thrummed in his veins, electricity dancing underneath his skin. “Watari never made my decisions for me. He always had my back. You never will. And that’s why you can never replace him.”

“I was only-”

“No. Now, you are going to leave this room, and don’t come looking for me unless I specifically request it. And never suggest anything of the sort again.”

Roger had an agog expression on his face, gaping and jaw slack. He shook himself a little out of the stupor. He seemed prepared to say something, but one death glare and he was out.

L collapsed into his chair, drained. A shadow washed over him, along with the sound of feet touching the ground. Ryuk looked pissed, wings flared and eyes glowing red.

“That old fucker!” he shouted. “That does it! I’m writing his name!”

“Don’t,” L said quickly, reaching a hand out. “He may have said some awful things, but don’t take revenge on my behalf, Ryuk-san.”

“And why not? He doesn’t get to talk to you like that, Elly!”

For a moment, L was reminded of the fact that while his friend, Ryuk was still a terrifying death god. A wrathful deity willing to enact bloody vengeance for his sake. The power he held over the creature…it was all too reminiscent of the aura the Death Note had.

“It wouldn’t be right,” he explained. “I’m not Kira; I won’t bestow death on a whim, while pretending it was for the greater good. I won’t treat you like Light-kun did the notebook; a tool.”

“I don’t think you see your fellow human beings as anything beyond tools to manipulate at your pleasure.”

Ryuk looked dumbfounded, then he laughed. “You’ve got yourself a shinigami willing to kill for you, no asking required, and you still refuse? Man, you’re a riot, Elly!”

“I’m nothing special,” L defended, closing out the decoy tab to return to the questionnaire. “If I had been the one to find the notebook first, before I had any knowledge of what they could do to one’s psyche…I can’t say I wouldn’t have fallen to temptation. I would probably have amassed a much higher body count.”

“Heh. You sure you don’t want me to send him on a trip down the stairs?”

“I’m sure. It’s touching that you’re offering, but no murderous retribution is allowed.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll only write names for the purpose of adding to my lifespan…but hey, if they happen to be-”

“Nice try, but no.”

“Dammit.”

Ryuk had promised himself he wouldn’t be like Gelus.

He had allowed himself to grow fond of a mortal, and subsequently paid with his life. Willingly, at that, for reasons he stubbornly refused to admit he was beginning to understand.

He had thought that Rem of all shinigami would be above such things, yet she fell into the same trap, and for the same human. If both their names were ever uttered again in the realm, it would be as a cautionary tale. Never see humans as anything more than their years, meant for shinigami to take as their own. There was the odd exception, such as Light, but even then it was only since he was so entertaining, not because he held any actual value.

Yet here he was, pen in hand and ready to slaughter the old fucker who had dared to upset L. He wasn’t even a danger to the detective’s life, so why had he felt such an overreaction was warranted?

Ryuk could argue that he was a threat to the babies, and therefore taking him out was imperative. But that was weak, since L stood his ground.

Even so, he could just write something like “Roger Ruvie hits his head” and pass it off as natural causes. That immediately fell flat though, as L would instantly see right through it, and also he wouldn’t do that anyway since he was told not to.

It was like ever since he’d been ordered to stick around and protect the man, he couldn’t help being dragged into his orbit. He was in the same place as Gelus and Rem. And the strangest part was, it didn’t feel like a bad thing. Instead, it was like bubbles were drifting in his insides, light and airy.

He was happy.

Had he ever felt that sensation in his endless existence? He couldn’t remember.

Contentment, yes that was familiar, like when he had a particularly juicy apple or witnessed a complex scheme of Light’s. Perhaps those instances hadn’t graduated to full happiness because deep down, he’d known it was all temporary. The apple would be gone in a few bites. Light’s name would be marked down in the Death Note eventually.

But now Ryuk had actual connections to the world around him, not merely being an invisible bystander to it all. His existence was acknowledged beyond what he could do, appreciated and addressed.

Even in the Shinigami Realm, he wasn’t that special. The whole Kira thing, everyone had ultimately paid more attention to Light than to him.

Ryuk would do anything to keep the happy little life he’d made for himself here, and from there bloomed fear. None of the other shinigami were able to protect their humans without dying, so how could he expect himself to be the exception? 

Just...don't focus on it, and keep doing what you're doing...

Focusing on his sense of hearing, Ryuk searched around until he located Light’s spot, and adjusted his vision so that all walls were removed, and the human could be seen clearly.

Elly’s scared about what you might do…I’ll make it so he doesn’t have to worry. Ugh, I’m getting all sappy and shit.

A little over a month of being here, and Light had…almost gotten used to it.

Back in Japan, his routine rarely changed throughout the years. Wake up, go to school, extracurriculars and homework, cram school if applicable, take care of his family, go to bed at a reasonable time. Rinse and repeat.

So being uprooted from his home country and into an entirely foreign one was very jarring. Not that he actually got to see much of said country, given his isolation here. It was admittedly starting to drive him a bit stir-crazy, only having so much space to explore.

And the worst part was, he only knew a little more than he did when he arrived. It was frustrating, not being able to get answers as quickly as he would’ve liked, and the prospect of kicking patience to the wind was sounding more and more appealing, despite the consequences that would likely cut his reign short.

I’m losing myself here. I’m supposed to be good at waiting! What happened?

Light felt as though his very being was slipping through his grasp, all the parts worthy of making him a god. His sense of identity was more distorted. It was…it was…

You’re scared.

A pin dropped.

No, that’s absurd! What reason do I have to be scared?

You’re not sure who you are anymore.

I’m Light Yagami, Kira, God of the New World! I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life!

Really? Where’s the Death Note, then?

Why was his heart thumping in his eardrums? Light’s breath hitched, sweat prickling at his forehead.

I see now. You’ve tied your very self to that tool of gods, to the point that without it, you’re slipping. Kira has become synonymous with the Death Note. He can function without it…but not forever. And I believe you’ve just reached the threshold.

Sh…shut up…

It’s like an addiction - you need to punish criminals, not just feeling an obligation to, getting high off the ego boost. If we’re going by that analogy, then this must be the withdrawal stage.

…

Of course you’re scared. You made Kira your whole identity, and now you can’t fall back on that. You don’t know how to handle yourself. Who is Light Yagami without Kira? I hope we’ll be able to answer that, but we need to be whole.

There it was again. The “needing to be whole” thing. Light wanted to disregard everything that annoying voice in the back of his head was saying, as it was all utter bullshit…but they didn’t make it easy, invisible fingers prying at his mind, his soul, his brain. It took laser-focusing on the end goal in front of himself in order to stop thinking about the lecture.

He wasn’t scared, was totally certain of himself, and he was going to reclaim his place at the top.

You’re lying, whispered a voice. Oddly enough, they didn’t sound like the other persona.

They sounded like himself.

And it was back to square one. His lungs felt like they were on fire, time plunged into honey. A ringing noise buzzed somewhere, its origins unknown. Why was the floor closer? He didn’t remember his knees buckling.

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

“Light-kun!”

He hadn’t heard that voice in over two weeks, but strangely, he was…relieved? He certainly never expected that reaction.

L was hunched right in front of him, though he seemed to be leaning more forward than usual. He’d traded out his usual attire for comfort wear, grey in tones, and he looked a little more filled out than the last time he’d seen him. His silver eyes, the same ones who constantly haunted Light’s dreams, were currently looking at him, and though they were blank as usual, was there an undercurrent of…concern?

No, he must be seeing things.

“Light-kun,” L said again, with more gentleness than Light thought possible for him. “Look at me. You’re going to be fine. Just take deep breaths.”

In the midst of his spiral, Light inhaled, but forced himself to suck more air in, resisting against the urge to heave. Focusing entirely on L, he watched as gradually, his perspective resumed normally, and with it, his awareness of himself.

Including the incredible humiliation of being found in such a state by his greatest enemy.

“What are you doing here?!” he barked as he stood up. “Were you just waiting for a moment like that? To embarrass me?”

“Ryuk-san informed me of your panic attack,” L replied calmly as he rose as well, grimacing as he did so. “I don’t spend all my time watching you, as hard as that may be to believe. I have other priorities now.”

At the mention of “other priorities”, Light’s eyes glanced at L’s stomach. It was hidden beneath the hoodie he wore, an indication that it’d started to swell.

“And besides, there are many pairs of eyes on you at all times,” the detective added.

“But why only now did you decide to show your face here? Two weeks of radio silence, and it seems awfully convenient that you arrived at the worst possible time for me. What’s your purpose here?”

L was silent for a beat. “I would say that maybe I didn’t want to let you endure that by yourself,” he answered. “That’s the truth. But you wouldn’t believe that. Empathy seems to be a concept beyond your understanding.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Light sneered. “You run on logic, L. Why would you let emotions rule your decisions?”

“Even I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know why it feels right, it just does.”

“Enough with the cryptic speak, L. Why are you really here?”

L sighed, turned around, and headed for the door. “I suppose when you cry wolf enough times, you lose the right to trust. But consider this, Light-kun: people aren’t static caricatures. The facts about them can and will change from time to time. Maybe consider that the profile of me that you have is outdated.”

With that, he left the room, leading a befuddled brunette.

L could hardly recall a time where he didn’t have the answers. Even if he initially couldn’t come up with one, all it took was some digging and he’d have it within the hour at least. There was a line of logic behind every inquiry, patterns to track, data to check. The Kira Case had been a test of even his capabilities, but it was ultimately just the most advanced puzzle he’d ever tackled. New possibilities were slotted in, his knowledge updated.

But now that he found himself being ruled by his emotions, he was being thrown in every direction, unable to find an anchoring point. He couldn’t make heads or tails of the strange compulsion he felt towards Light. All the warning bells were drowned out beneath it.

Emotions were confusing things. He had no reason to help Light; there was no benefit to himself, the serial killer’s life wasn’t in any danger, and he feared that he may have given him an advantage in their cold war.

But yet, when Ryuk had told him of the situation, something in him screamed, help!, and he’d heeded the call before he had any time to think about it. What was this feeling, if it had overpowered his fears?

It was the same feeling that had driven him to spare Light from execution, to give him another chance. He’d been able to rationalize those to himself, even if deep down he knew he was being selfish.

Whatever was happening, he couldn’t let it distract from the fact that Light was dangerous, and to keep a high guard. Lives were at stake. If he slipped, for just one moment…

I ought to talk to the therapist about this. Emotions are her department.

Misa felt sick.

Her stomach roiled, her skin was clammy, and she was so tired. Her blonde hair was ratty and knotted, black creeping out at the roots where she’d neglected to refresh the dye job. Her face was devoid of any makeup, revealing sunken cheeks and baggy eyes, gaze hazy and vacant. She curled on her bed, in a fetal position. A far cry from Misa-Misa the pop star, glamorous and sultry.

She didn’t know how long she could keep doing this. Guilt lashed at her insides, all the lies she had fed Kira’s Kingdom, the spywork she was doing for L, tearing at the foundation of Light’s work…

She was a traitor of the worst kind, not helped by the recent conflicting thoughts, ones that spurred a different, contrasting, sort of guilt.

No one had been doing anything about all the evilness in the world, so she and Light were just correcting that, right? They’d brought justice to thousands, cleansing the earth of the muck and grime. No one would miss the victims.

But Haru misses his brother. And if he does…then…

Misa refused to complete that thought. It would be all but admitting that Kira had torn a family apart.

Just like her parents’ murderer.

But if Light had done so, then who knows how many other families he affected? How many had she, on her own volition or on Light’s orders, done the same?

No. Stop. I can’t doubt Light now. I have to hold it together for him. If they died, then they deserved it!

Did Haru deserve to have his brother taken away?

He…he’s better off without an incarcerated brother!

He doesn’t seem to think so.

Her heart throbbed in her chest. She was in a dark pit, clinging desperately to the familiar reality she was used to, where everything was perfect and justice was handled properly by her Light. I…I can’t. I love Light, and I’ll stand by him. No matter what.

She ignored the unsteadiness of that thought.

Her phone rang, and Misa sighed, got up, and answered it. “Yes?”

“Hey Misa, it’s Kiyomi. I have an opening just after Christmas. You want to meet up then?”

Misa stilled. She’d forgotten she’d given the woman her number. “Let me check my schedule,” she replied.

Maybe a normal day out is what I need.

December 25

Christmas at Wammy’s was easily the day where its inhabitants felt the most alive.

For that one magical day, they didn’t have to pretend to be leagues older than their age. Pretend to be the adult when the actual ones were flailing. Pretend that they didn’t have childish urges. They could be the children they were.

The youngest members were outside, shrieking with joy and laughing as they played in the wintery weather, a population of snowmen and snow angels quickly surrounding the manor. Forts had been set up as the more rough members initiated battles with snowballs, motivated by the promise of the victors getting the first gifts of the night. Intricate snowflakes descended softly continuously, some of them getting caught by warm eager tongues.

Inside, it was more calm, but no less festive. The kitchen catered an endless parade of gingerbread and pudding and Christmas cake, all of it being swiftly and happily gobbled up. The fireplaces throughout were lit, the sound of their crackling providing ambience. Televisions had been set up and were streaming holiday movies, each with a gaggle of children with eyes glued to the screen.

Near didn’t care for the day all that much, but even he could appreciate just how…looser everything felt. (There was also no schoolwork, which was a bonus.)

Right now he was in the middle of the library, currently the quietest area in the manor, setting up his most complicated domino contraption yet. He liked challenging himself to keep finding new and invigorating ways to make the dominoes fall, what patterns they could so in, all the triggers. It spanned across the entire perimeter of the room.

“Hey, Near.”

“Hello, Mello,” Near replied calmly, carefully setting the black-and-white piece down in a calculated way. “What brings you here?”

The older blonde, holding a cup of hot chocolate, scowled. “Well, I’ve got an annoying death god on my tail, and I promised Matt I’d hang out with him today, so I’m dumping him on you instead.”

Said death god peaked from the entrance. “What can I say? You humans have fun traditions.”

“Sure. He can come hang out here.”

“As long as he doesn’t bother me again, I don’t give a fuck what he does.” Mello left the room.

“So, what have we here?” Ryuk cocked his head, taking in the elaborate contraption. “I’ve seen millions of these celebrations, but I haven’t seen someone doing this.”

“I will tip this domino,” Near explained, gesturing to the piece at the very start of the sequence. “And it will cause everything behind it to fall, but in a specific way I’ve set up.”

“And the point?”

“It’s a metaphor for when a little problem becomes the prelude to bigger problems. The weak link that causes a major downfall.” To demonstrate, Near flicked the domino over, prompting its brethren to follow its example, making waves all across the room.

“It’s a tried and true tactic to take a suspect down,” Near added. “Nudge their weakness a tad, and the fallout will do the rest.”

“Heh. Like Light-o!”

“Exactly. Although from what I understand, he ensured his own downfall unknowingly.”

“Yeah! And that’s what makes it so funny!”

Ryuk laughed, settling into one of the lounge chairs. “Just a little stroke of the ego and he won’t shut up! I honestly lost count of the number of times he sang his own praises. Yeah, sure, he’s smarter than the majority of humans, but that does shit to make him special! Not when there’s an entire population of humans right here who can give him a run for his money!”

“You think L is special, though.”

“Huh?!” Ryuk shot off the couch, twisting wildly in the air. “Wha…that’s ridiculous! I’m not supposed to feel attachments towards mortals!”

“But you developed one towards him all the same. Why else would you be sticking around?”

Eyes wide, the shinigami crouched into the ground, looking scared. “Listen kid, even if it’s true, attachments have gotten my kind killed. I’m here because I’m obligated!”

Near had always felt that the story that L and Ryuk had told was incomplete, and he’d been fine with that, unlike Mello. All the pieces would come together with time. The type of situation Ryuk was alluding to seemed to come from the unspoken parts of the tale.

Even so, he still sensed that he was right. He mentioned dying…he must be terrified that if he does, no one would be around to protect L. That’s why he’s trying to deny it.

“You speak of L fondly, more than anyone who’s obligated should,” he defended. “I think you would still stay here, even if you didn’t have a duty to attend to.”

Ryuk looked down, visibly swallowing. “Don’t tell Elly,” he requested. “I’m trying to figure things out right now, and I’m…just not ready.”

“I won’t. But I have a feeling he already knows.”

“Merry Christmas, Light,” Sayu sighed, staring into the night sky. Her parents stood behind her, bittersweet looks on their faces. There was still a gaping hole, and it might not ever get filled. No matter how many gifts or good food were distributed, it wouldn’t go away.

Across the city, a certain actress had lit a candle, and it now flickered at the window. A single tear trailed down her cheek. “Happy birthday to me.”

 Light jumped as he heard a knock. He braced, anticipating someone coming in, but when the door remained closed, he inched closer, still on guard.

When he finally opened the door, he found a plate loaded with Christmas cake. Who left this? This isn’t how I’m usually delivered food.

Maybe someone just wanted to wish you a happy holiday. After all, this is the first Christmas we’re away from home.

If only I could use the day as a cover for my schemes, but they didn’t loosen any of the restrictions, even today.

That’s precisely why they didn’t. It’s sad, but understandable. But we should take what we can get out of the holiday.

Light sighed, picked the plate up, and brought it inside.

L opened an envelope, studying the results of the blood test that he’d taken two weeks ago. A smile crossed his face as he read them. Besides him, was a slice of cake, the first taste of sugar he’d experienced in several weeks.

He looked out the window, watching white specks fluttering. “Next year, you’ll be able to have this,” he said, caressing his belly. “I didn’t partake in it much, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I’ll make sure you get all the experiences I missed out on.”

Chromosomes weren’t L’s area of expertise, but he still recognized what certain ones represented.

XX…and XY

Chapter Text

January 1, 2005

The earth completed yet another rotation of its orbit around the sun, immediately starting a new one. It was a time of fresh beginnings, cleaning of the slate. Resolutions were made with varying levels of seriousness, from getting more exercise, acing an upcoming test, or finally taking that cruise to the Caribbean. The New Year was truly a special date for many.

Usually around this time, she’d be doing something appropriate for the occasion, wishing a happy new year to her dedicated fans. But drowning in her pool of guilt and regret, Misa had asked her manager for some time off. Which was gladly granted, as said person had noticed she wasn’t herself and requested she relax and practice self-care, even telling her to take as long as needed.

She’d nearly cried at that. A lying traitor such as herself didn’t deserve such niceties.

It was getting hard to recognize her own loyalties. Was she betraying Light by doing L’s bidding? Or had she betrayed herself first, tearing families apart the way hers was?

Was it right to let Rem sacrifice herself?

“Misa Amane?”

Misa looked up, seeing the dark-haired woman, dressed smartly with a purse strapped to her bosom. She rose from the bus bench she’d been waiting on. “Hi, Kiyomi,” she greeted, forcing cheerfulness into her tone.

Kiyomi’s lips quirked. “I’m glad you could make it. I thought you’d be busy on a day like this.”

The pop star's throat bobbed. “Heh. Funny how things work out.”

“Well, shall we?” Kiyomi looked towards the cafè. Misa nodded and together they strolled through the doors. Getting a booth to themselves away from any onlookers, Kiyomi ordered a coffee and Misa got herself green tea. With their drinks steaming with heat, awkwardness wafted from them, not sure how to start the conversation.

“How did you meet Light?” Kiyomi finally asked. “Light wasn’t a fan of your genre of music, so I find it unlikely that he would cross paths with you.”

“Oh,” Misa waved a hand, part of the act. “We just stumbled into each other on the street. As they say, sparks just flew.”

“You must’ve been real special then,” the other woman stared into her mug, her eyes sad and brimming with…jealousy?

“I like to think so,” Misa smiled, a genuine one. “Light was so handsome, and so noble! I’d follow him anywhere.” She ignored the shred of doubt gradually growing around that truth.

Kiyomi chuckled bitterly, the sound ringing hollow. “I thought so too. He was my whole world. I felt like the luckiest girl in Japan.”

She sighed. “But over time, it started to feel like…he wasn’t really into it, like he was just there because it was expected. All he ever wanted to do for our dates was study. And even if I dragged him to a nice restaurant or the park, he never engaged with any conversation. Eventually, he stopped asking me to join him. He never said it outright, but I knew then and there we were over.”

Kiyomi glanced up. “What did he see in you, if his schoolmate couldn’t keep his attention but a random model on the street could?”

“Well,” Misa puffed up proudly. “I’m very loyal, if I do say so myself. Anything he asks, I’ll do it, no hesitation.” She stubbornly refused to let her voice stutter.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Kiyomi was still, mouth a straight line. “Misa-san, I don’t want to make assumptions. Just because he was my boyfriend doesn’t mean I know how he’s been with you. But has Light displayed the same level of devotion you’ve shown him?”

“Of course!” she answered too quickly. “Everything he’s done is for us!”

Is being with him worth the broken families?

“You say you’ll do anything for him…” Kiyomi began. “Can you say no to him?”

“Why would I? He knows best.”

He’s a liar, whispered a thought that sounded like Haru. Where did that come from?

“I would admit when it comes to academics, then he has all the answers,” Light’s former girlfriend stated. “But everything outside of that - he seemed stunted. I remember that in our social studies class, whenever we held moral debates, his arguments were rather black-and-white. You are allowed to have your own thoughts and feelings, Misa-san. And if you feel differently from him, you should make that known rather than letting him step over you.”

“But I don’t feel differently!” the blonde beauty insisted. He’s a murderer murder murderer murderer-

“I’m sorry, but that’s impossible,” Kiyomi took a sip of her coffee. “It’s not realistic to agree on absolutely every little thing. Misa-san, Light’s not here. It’s okay to act outside his expectations.”

Traitor traitor traitor traitor-

“Are you trying to turn me against him?” Misa huffed, her knuckles clenching. “Because it won’t work! I love Light and he loves me!”

“Not at all,” Kiyomi assured. “Just letting you know things can be improved.”

Killer killer killer killer-

“Misa-san? Are you okay?”

Misa took out her phone, pretending to notice a text. “Oh sorry Kiyomi-san, something came up. Thanks for the drinks!”

She bolted out, her chair squealing from the force. She ignored Kiyomi’s questioning shout, patrons staring at her, pedestrians dashing out of her way. Tears sprang and dribbled out, a choking sob stuck in her throat. Her lungs burned, perspiration smearing her lip balm.

Rem, please I need you.

She desperately wanted her shinigami companion. Someone to talk to, whom she didn’t need to lie or hide the truth. Someone who knew the whole story, as a witness to it. Someone who cared.

Someone who could pull her out of the maelstrom of confusion in her head, burying her like quicksand. She didn’t know what to think, what was right from wrong, her connection to Light tapering.

I wish Light didn’t kill her.

That admission, that single, heartbroken admission, was the first serious blow to Light’s pedestal. Because maybe if she hadn’t died, Misa wouldn’t be left like this, a wreck of a woman, torn beyond belief.

It would take more than that for her perception of him to fully crumble, but perhaps one day, Misa Amane would open her eyes and see the thorns disguised as roses.

“Welcome, Ryuzaki,” Brigid greeted as L called in for their session. “Happy New Year.”

“Hello,” the detective said back. “Let’s begin.”

L’s discomfort about speaking to a faceless stranger about his problems had slowly faded, although not entirely gone. There had been times he didn’t wish to talk about it, but the therapist had assured him that was completely fine and he could progress at his own pace, taking a few steps back if needed.

Recovery isn’t linear, she’d told him.

Heh, L thought to himself. To think I once operated as a faceless stranger. The irony is not lost on me.

“How have you been since we’ve last met?” Brigid started with the usual opening question.

L shrugged, even though she couldn’t see it. “Physically, I’ve been getting better. The morning sickness has abated, and I can withstand certain sensations again. It’s done wonders for my appetite.”

“It’s the last week of the first trimester, correct?”

“Thankfully, yes. I won’t miss it.”

Brigid chuckled a bit. “I can imagine. How’s your emotional state?”

“Still looser than I would like,” L answered. “It’s…disconcerting, when you’ve spent a lifetime locking your emotions up.”

“Ah, you mentioned that was your coping mechanism for the work you do.”

“I did.”

Brigid hummed. “If it’s okay with you, Ryuzaki, today I would like to dig into the root of it all. Like, when did you start your work? Why did you turn to suppressing your emotions? But only if you’re fine with it.”

L shut his eyes, a lump in his throat. “That’s…territory I have rarely tread upon. But I will allow you to proceed.”

“If you want to stop at any point, just tell me. This can get heavy real quick.”

L worried his bottom lip between his teeth, bracing himself as the woman on the other end pried. “When did you get interested in doing the kind of job you have?”

Now that was a memory he had no trepidations about recalling. “My guardian noticed how apt I was about seeing the connections between things and coming up with accurate conclusions based on little evidence. He gave me what was at the time my most difficult problem yet, and when I solved it, I found out it was a real case.” L smiled at the thought of Watari.

“And how old were you when this happened?”

“I was eight years old.”

“Did this keep happening?”

“Yes…he kept giving me things to solve, and I got through them all with flying colors. I enjoyed doing it, as it gave my prodigious mind something to tackle.”

As much as L wanted to bask in those rose-tinted memories, he had to get to the core. “Then…I received something. It was a normal manilla folder, like all the others. I didn’t think anything was off, just another case to crack.”

L was an adult, and had seen way worse since that fateful day. The impact it had on him was somewhat softened, but the power of hindsight still made it hard on him. “I don’t quite remember the specifics of what exactly I found,” he admitted. “But I wasn’t prepared for it at all. Before, I wasn’t fond of my fellow peers, but I didn’t hate them. After? I could only see darkness.”

“Forgetting it was probably your mind’s way of protecting you,” Brigid proposed. “But that doesn’t change the fact it still happened. What happened after?”

“I didn’t want to look further, but I knew my guardian was counting on me, so I went and solved it anyway. When I got similar cases, I gradually learned to shut off my emotions so I could persevere. That also meant…when morally dubious actions were required, I did them without question. I couldn’t let feelings get in my way. Not when it messed me up last time.”

“It’s all too often the go-to solution,” Brigid said. “Not letting yourself feel anything, so you won’t be hurt. But it’s not a permanent solution. Because those feelings still exist, and the longer they persist without being vented, the more likely they’ll blow over. It’s the most likely reason your hormones are making you so volatile.”

L nodded, his guts twisting. “It’s disorienting. Even I didn't know how much I was holding in until it all came out.”

“That’s to be expected. If I remember correctly, it’s also the origin of your low self-esteem, stemming from regretful decisions you made.”

That was probably understating it. “I couldn’t stop. I would tell myself there wasn’t a better way, that I had no choice.”

He chuckled dryly, no humor behind it. “But I was just lying to myself. The truth is, I’m an addict trying to seek their next stimulant, in higher and higher doses. All so I can drown out the pain. The loathing. The knowledge I’m a monster.”

There was the sound of a pen clattering. “You listen to me, Ryuzaki,” Brigid beckoned in a stern, yet gentle tone. “I don’t know you well. I don’t know the exact nature of the choices you made, the shockwaves they caused, or what others think of you. But from what I gathered in our few sessions together? You’re not a monster.”

L’s breath hitched, a slight shake in the hand holding the phone. “If you knew the full context…” he argued. “You’d retract that statement.”

“You are a person,” she declared. “A person whose pain caused him to make bad choices. But when he realized that it may cause him to hurt those he cares for, he sought help.”

“I could’ve done it earlier. Before I got blood on my hands.”

“That’s true. But he also could’ve not bothered at all, letting himself carry on until he self-destructs. The point is, you’re getting help with your issues, Ryuzaki. That takes strength a monster couldn’t hope to compete with. I’ll always be in your corner.”

L bit his lip, gripping the cell so firmly it creaked, knuckle white. “I want to believe you,” he whispered. “I do. But you’re just one voice against the multitude claiming otherwise.”

“They only have that power because your own voice is among them,” the therapist stated. “The goal here is to rediscover your sense of worth. You’ll have an easier time fighting them off.”

Hope and resignation clashed. He’d been convinced the maelstrom residing inside would be a forever thing, barely held back by his terrible coping mechanisms. Ryuk had planted the seed, and Brigid was nurturing it. But it was still a tiny sprout against the old, withered, gnarly-branched tree choking every space.

“I’ll…I’ll try,” he promised. “I’ll do anything.”

“And in the end, that’s all I ask of you,” Brigid’s voice returned to professionalism. “I have a question: was your guardian aware of the contents of the folder you were given?”

The detective froze. He’d known, deep down, that Watari wasn’t perfect. All cases he’d ever had were screened by the man first, weeding out those that were too easy and thus boring.

That also meant he saw everything before L did. B

ut knowing did not erase the years spent together, the companionship shared, the grief he felt at his death. Love was tricky like that.

“...he did,” he confirmed.

“And he knew you hadn’t seen anything like it?”

“That is correct.”

“Do you have a theory why he gave it to you, knowing all this information?”

That was something L had asked himself constantly, never working up the courage to ask Watari. And now he’d never know for sure. But he was always good at putting together the pieces.

“I was way ahead of the curve,” L explained. “Solving things most adults couldn’t decipher and seeking knowledge everywhere I looked. Since I didn’t act like the eight-year-old I was, I assume he must’ve thought I could handle it.”

There was silence for a few moments. “Ryuzaki,” Brigid slowly spoke. “I’m not saying you had a bad guardian. From what you’ve told me, he did his best. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t make mistakes. He should’ve realized that regardless of your IQ, he couldn’t forget the fact that you were still a child. There were still things you weren’t ready for, as you learned the hard way.”

L was quiet. All of this, he’d known on some level already. So he let her continue on.

“He also didn’t seem to question your choices, just passively letting you do whatever you wanted. Just stood by watching you descend into a dark hole. I don’t doubt that he loved you, Ryuzaki. He helped you discover your passion and guided you in this world. He just didn’t do everything right.”

L’s lip trembled. “I know,” his voice wavered.

“I think this is a good spot to end. Ryuzaki, I want you to fully process all this. Surround yourself with support, friends who are behind you. I’ll see you next time.”

Once the call was disconnected, L put the phone down, curled his knees, and wept.

Mello and Matt were lounging in the latter’s room, surrounded on all sides by snacks. Mello was nibbling at a chocolate bar while Matt snagged salty potato crisps from a bag. In his hands was a controller, directing the video game displayed on the screen.

As much as Mello liked to think of himself as a loner, he admitted that Matt was probably the closest thing to a friend he had. Always had his room open, a willing ear to lend, tech skills if he required them. His place as third-in-line to L’s position and lack of ambition made it so he wasn’t a threat the way Near was. He was just content to play his video games and hone his computer genius.

That also meant he was trusted with Mello’s secrets.

“Matt,” Mello said. “Do you think…I’m broken?”

Matt instantly dropped the controller, turning wildly. “Dude, what? Why would you think that?”

“I’ve been chasing an ideal that doesn’t exist,” Mello answered quietly. “L…wasn’t who he was cracked up to be.”

“I figured,” the redhead mentioned offhandedly.

“Why?”

“I spent a lot of time digging through peoples’ secrets,” Matt explained. “All the files hiding their guilt, data tracking their sins. Trust me, I know stuff that would end the world if it got out.”

Mello nodded. Matt was one of the heirs for a reason, as much as he didn’t act like it.

“Whenever L was mentioned, I got the vibe it was too good to be true. So, I’m not surprised.”

“The shinigami said it wasn’t so bad,” Mello stated. “That I could talk to L and get the whole story. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to do so.”

“Any reason?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m a fucking coward, maybe there wasn’t a right time, maybe because…well, I don’t know!”

Mello broke off a piece of chocolate with a loud chomp, crushing it with his teeth. “I’m a fucking mess.”

Matt had a serious look, studying him. “Mello, you’re my friend. You’re not broken.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not. And…I don’t think L being different than envisioned has to be a bad thing. He was just an ideal before. Now, he can be someone real to you. But if you want to know who that is, you have to find out for yourself.”

Mello went silent, thinking it over. Matt, sensing what he needed, turned his attention back to his video game, letting the soundtrack wash over the room.

He had to talk to L. And he wouldn't let anything, whether it was fear, reservation, or whatever was in his way earlier, stop him.

Ryuk didn’t know why he was summoned to the King.

Okay, he didn’t know the logic behind most of the Old Man’s decisions anyway, but he still had to obey.

He flew into the cave, irritated about being pulled away. “What now?”

“Ryuk,” the bulbous mass with many arms rumbled. “You are not being removed from your post, if that’s what you’re worried about. Rather, I wish to introduce a new variable.”

Ryuk wanted to protest that L had many things to deal with already. But it wasn’t like he could just talk back to the King of Death. “What is it?”

The King raised an arm, a ball of black electricity hovering over it. “Do you know why some shinigami get extra abilities and some don’t?”

“Uh…they did some favors for you or something?”

“You could say that,” He got the impression he was grinning. “My personal entertainment.”

Should’ve known.

“And the tale of L Lawliet and Light Yagami is the most entertainment I’ve had in eons,” the King simpered. “But it’s moving a little…slow for my tastes. The shinigami are itching for drama, for something big to happen. I want you to be the catalyst.”

Ryuk swallowed, the thought of possible betrayal stinging more than he expected. “What do I have to do?”

“When the time is right, you’ll know,” he answered cryptically, before throwing the bundle of sparks right at him.

No time to move, to do anything, the sphere slammed right into him, dispersing and absorbing, adapting itself into his system. Ryuk twisted wildly, searching for differences, the current ebbing away into small flickers.

He didn’t feel affected, except for the sensation that something was there that wasn’t before. An unknown factor, latching onto him and he didn’t know what. “What did you do?”

“It’s more fun if you’ll have to figure it out for yourself,” the King waved a hand. “And I would prefer it if L Lawliet is not to know of this. Yes, I’m aware of your fondness. The only reason I’m letting it slide is because you haven’t crossed the line. But make no mistake: in the end, it’s not our nature. Step out of line and you’re dust.”

The King never raised his voice, but that was more terrifying. Ryuk gulped, nodding. “I hear the message loud and clear. Can I go now?”

“It’s not like it’ll be the only thing you’re keeping from him,” the King mentioned. “Something about his numbers changing, fading?”

Ryuk stilled. “You have any idea what that’s about?”

“Nothing like that has ever happened. We will continue to observe, to make hypotheses. You are dismissed, Ryuk.”

The death god dashed out as quickly as he could, ignoring any other shinigami who called out, the greys of the realm making way for the bright colors of the mortal world.

This what it feels like to take a side? Strange, despite its potential costs...I regret nothing. 

He already felt guilty about keeping L’s ambiguous nature a secret from the man, even if he rationalized it. Now he had to hide a secret of his own, something he didn’t even know about?

A part of Ryuk felt violated, changed without his permission. What exactly had the King implanted? Would it escalate things? Put L in danger?

He was only somewhat soothed by the fact the King didn’t want anything to happen to the babies, so it couldn’t be harmful to them. What was he going to do?

Wait. He only said I couldn’t tell Elly. Never said I couldn’t tell anyone else.

He could only hope the King didn’t take that as defiance. But given that he’d never closed any of the loopholes he found, it was probably fine. In fact, it would certainly stir up the drama his kind craved.

It had to be.

Ryuk, with renewed purpose, bolted back to the place, that in just a month, felt more like a home than the Shinigami Realm, in his millenia of residing there, ever had.

Not noticing static gathering around his wings.

Near was arranging his toy robots when Ryuk phased through the room. He looked desperate, wings curled and…sparking?

“Kid,” he requested. “I need to talk to you. Got stuff I can’t hold on my own.”

Near simply blinked and found himself a comfortable chair. “What do you have?”